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diff --git a/8160-8.txt b/8160-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..93b6dec --- /dev/null +++ b/8160-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14966 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Recollections Of My Childhood And Youth, by +George Brandes + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Recollections Of My Childhood And Youth + +Author: George Brandes + +Posting Date: April 13, 2014 [EBook #8160] +Release Date: May, 2003 +First Posted: June 23, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RECOLLECTIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD *** + + + + +Produced by Eric Eldred, Tonya Allen, Charles Franks, and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + + + + + +[Etext producer's note: Chapter sub-headings in SECOND LONGER STAY +ABROAD are misnumbered in the original hard copy, skipping from VII to +IX.] + + + + +RECOLLECTIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD AND YOUTH + +BY + +GEORGE BRANDES + +AUTHOR OF "WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE," ETC. + + + + + + + +[Illustration: DR. GEORGE BRANDES _From a Sketch by G. Rump_] + +DISCOVERING THE WORLD + +First Impressions--Going to Bed--My Name--Fresh Elements--School--The +King--Town and Country--The King's Gardens--The Friendly +World--Inimical Forces--The World Widens--The +Theatre--Progress--Warlike Instincts--School Adventures--Polite +Accomplishments--My Relations + + +BOYHOOD'S YEARS + +Our House--Its Inmates--My Paternal Grandfather--My Maternal +Grandfather--School and Home--Farum--My Instructors--A Foretaste of +Life--Contempt for the Masters--My Mother--The Mystery of Life--My +First Glimpse of Beauty--The Head Master--Religion--My Standing in +School--Self-esteem--An Instinct for Literature--Private +Reading--Heine's _Buch der Lieder_--A Broken Friendship + + +TRANSITIONAL YEARS + +School Boy Fancies--Religion--Early Friends--_Daemonic Theory_--A West +Indian Friend--My Acquaintance Widens--Politics--The Reactionary +Party--The David Family--A Student Society--An Excursion to +Slesvig--Temperament--The Law--Hegel--Spinoza--Love for Humanity--A +Religious Crisis--Doubt--Personal Immortality--Renunciation + + +ADOLESCENCE + +Julius Lange--A New Master--Inadaption to the Law--The University Prize +Competition--An Interview with the Judges--Meeting of Scandinavian +Students--The Paludan-Müllers--Björnstjerne Björnson--Magdalene +Thoresen--The Gold Medal--The Death of King Frederik VII--The Political +Situation--My Master of Arts Examination--War--_Admissus cum laude +praecipua_--Academical Attention--Lecturing--Music--Nature--A Walking +Tour--In Print--Philosophical Life in Denmark--Death of Ludwig +David--Stockholm + + +FIRST LONG SOJOURN ABROAD + +My Wish to See Paris--_Dualism in our Modern Philosophy_--A +Journey--Impressions of Paris--Lessons in French--Mademoiselle +Mathilde--Taine + + +EARLY MANHOOD + +Feud in Danish Literature--Riding--Youthful Longings--On the Rack--My +First Living Erotic Reality--An Impression of the Miseries of Modern +Coercive Marriage--Researches on the Comic--Dramatic Criticism--A Trip +to Germany--Johanne Louise Heiberg--Magdalene Thoresen--Rudolph +Bergh--The Sisters Spang--A Foreign Element--The Woman Subject--Orla +Lehmann--M. Goldschmidt--Public Opposition--A Letter from Björnstjerne +Björnson--Hard Work + + +SECOND LONGER STAY ABROAD + +Hamburg--My Second Fatherland--Ernest Hello--_Le Docteur +Noir_--Taine--Renan--Marcelin--Gleyre--Taine's Friendship--Renan at +Home--Philarète Chasles' Reminiscences--_Le Théâtre +Français_--Coquelin--Bernhardt--Beginnings of _Main Currents_--The +Tuileries--John Stuart Mill--London--Philosophical Studies--London and +Paris Compared--Antonio Gallenga and His Wife--Don Juan Prim--Napoleon +III--London Theatres--Gladstone and Disraeli in Debate--Paris on the +Eve of War--First Reverses--Flight from Paris--Geneva, +Switzerland--Italy--Pasquale Villari--Vinnie Ream's Friendship--Roman +Fever--Henrik Ibsen's Influence--Scandinavians in Rome + + +FILOMENA + +Italian Landladies--The Carnival--The Moccoli Feast--Filomena's Views + + +SECOND LONGER STAY ABROAD _Continued_ + +Reflections on the Future of Denmark--Conversations with Giuseppe +Saredo--Frascati--Native Beauty--New Susceptibilities--Georges +Noufflard's Influence--The Sistine Chapel and Michael Angelo--Raphael's +Loggias--A Radiant Spring + + + + +RECOLLECTIONS OF + +MY CHILDHOOD + +AND YOUTH + + + + +DISCOVERING THE WORLD + +First Impressions--Going to Bed--My Name--Fresh Elements--School--The +King--Town and Country--The King's Gardens--The Friendly +World--Inimical Forces--The World Widens--The +Theatre--Progress--Warlike Instincts--School Adventures--Polite +Accomplishments--My Relations. + + +I. + +He was little and looked at the world from below. All that happened, +went on over his head. Everyone looked down to him. + +But the big people possessed the enviable power of lifting him to their +own height or above it. It might so happen that suddenly, without +preamble, as he lay on the floor, rummaging and playing about and +thinking of nothing at all, his father or a visitor would exclaim: +"Would you like to see the fowls of Kjöge?" And with the same he would +feel two large hands placed over his ears and the arms belonging to +them would shoot straight up into the air. That was delightful. Still, +there was some disappointment mingled with it. "Can you see Kjöge now?" +was a question he could make nothing of. What could Kjöge be? But at +the other question: "Do you see the fowls?" he vainly tried to see +something or other. By degrees he understood that it was only a phrase, +and that there was nothing to look for. + +It was his first experience of empty phrases, and it made an impression. + +It was just as great fun, though, when the big people said to him: +"Would you like to be a fat lamb? Let us play at fat lamb." He would be +flung over the man's shoulder, like a slaughtered lamb, and hang there, +or jump up and ride with his legs round the man's hips, then climb +valiantly several steps higher, get his legs round his shoulders, and +behold! be up on the giddy height! Then the man would take him round +the waist, swing him over, and after a mighty somersault in the air, he +would land unscathed on his feet upon the floor. It was a composite +kind of treat, of three successive stages: first came the lofty and +comfortable seat, then the more interesting moment, with a feeling, +nevertheless, of being on the verge of a fall, and then finally the +jump, during which everything was upside down to him. + +But, too, he could take up attitudes down on the floor that added to +his importance, as it were, and obliged the grown-up people to look at +him. When they said: "Can you stand like the Emperor Napoleon?" he +would draw himself up, bring one foot a little forward, and cross his +arms like the little figure on the bureau. + +He knew well enough just how he had to look, for when his stout, +broad-shouldered Swedish uncle, with the big beard and large hands, +having asked his parents about the little fellow's accomplishments, +placed himself in position with his arms crossed and asked: "Who am I +like?" he replied: "You are like Napoleon's lackey." To his surprise, +but no small delight, this reply elicited a loud exclamation of +pleasure from his mother, usually so superior and so strict, and was +rewarded by her, who seldom caressed, with a kiss. + + +II. + +The trying moment of the day was when he had to go to bed. His parents +were extraordinarily prejudiced about bedtime, just when he was +enjoying himself most. When visitors had arrived and conversation was +well started--none the less interesting to him because he understood +scarcely half of what was said--it was: "Now, to bed!" + +But there were happy moments after he was in bed, too. When Mother came +in and said prayers with him, and he lay there safely fenced in by the +tall trellis-work, each bar of which, with its little outward bend in +the middle, his fingers knew so well, it was impossible to fall out +through them. It was very pleasant, the little bed with its railing, +and he slept in it as he has never slept since. + +It was nice, too, to lie on his back in bed and watch his parents +getting ready to go to the theatre, Father in a shining white shirt and +with his curly hair beautifully parted on one side Mother with a crêpe +shawl over her silk dress, and light gloves that smelled inviting as +she came up to say goodnight and good-bye. + + +III. + +I was always hearing that I was pale and thin and small. That was the +impression I made on everyone. Nearly thirty years afterwards an +observant person remarked to me: "The peculiarity about your face is +its intense paleness." Consequently I looked darker than I was; my +brown hair was called black. + +Pale and thin, with thick brown hair, difficult hair. That was what the +hairdresser said--Mr. [Footnote: Danish _Herre_.] Alibert, who called +Father Erré: "Good-morning, Erré," "Good-bye, Erré." And all his +assistants, though as Danish as they could be, tried to say the same. +Difficult hair! "There is a little round place on his crown where the +hair will stand up, if he does not wear it rather long," said Mr. +Alibert. + +I was forever hearing that I was pale and small, pale in particular. +Strangers would look at me and say: "He is rather pale." Others +remarked in joke: "He looks rather green in the face." And so soon as +they began talking about me the word "thin" would be uttered. + +I liked my name. My mother and my aunts said it in such a kindly way. +And the name was noteworthy because it was so difficult to pronounce. +No boy or girl smaller than I could pronounce it properly; they all +said _Gayrok_. + +I came into the world two months too soon, I was in such a hurry. My +mother was alone and had no help. When the midwife came I had arrived +already. I was so feeble that the first few years great care had to be +taken of me to keep me alive. I was well made enough, but not strong, +and this was the source of many vexations to me during those years when +a boy's one desire and one ambition is to be strong. + +I was not clumsy, very agile if anything; I learnt to be a good high +jumper, to climb and run well, was no contemptible wrestler, and by +degrees became an expert fighter. But I was not muscularly strong, and +never could be compared with those who were so. + + +IV. + +The world, meanwhile, was so new, and still such an unknown country. +About that time I was making the discovery of fresh elements. + +I was not afraid of what I did not like. To overcome dislike of a thing +often satisfied one's feeling of honour. + +"Are you afraid of the water?" asked my brisk uncle from Fünen one day. +I did not know exactly what there was to be afraid of, but answered +unhesitatingly: "No." I was five years old; it was Summer, consequently +rainy and windy. + +I undressed in the bathing establishment; the old sailor fastened a +cork belt round my waist. It was odiously wet, as another boy had just +taken it off, and it made me shiver. Uncle took hold of me round the +waist, tossed me out into the water, and taught me to take care of +myself. Afterwards I learnt to swim properly with the help of a long +pole fastened to the cork belt and held by the bathing-man, but my +familiarity with the salt element dated from the day I was flung out +into it like a little parcel. Without by any means distinguishing +myself in swimming, any more than in any other athletic exercise, I +became a very fair swimmer, and developed a fondness for the water and +for bathing which has made me very loth, all my life, to miss my bath a +single day. + +There was another element that I became acquainted with about the same +time, and which was far more terrifying than the water. I had never +seen it uncontrolled: fire. + +One evening, when I was asleep in the nursery, I was awaked by my +mother and her brother, my French uncle. The latter said loudly: "We +must take the children out of bed." + +I had never been awaked in the night before. I opened my eyes and was +thrilled by a terror, the memory of which has never been effaced. The +room was brightly illuminated without any candle having been lighted, +and when I turned my head I saw a huge blaze shoot up outside the +window. Flames crackled and sparks flew. It was a world of fire. It was +a neighbouring school that was burning. Uncle Jacob put his hand under +my "night gown," a long article of clothing with a narrow cotton belt +round the waist, and said laughing: "Do you have palpitations of the +heart when you are afraid?" I had never heard of palpitations of the +heart before. I felt about with my hand and for the first time found my +heart, which really was beating furiously. Small though I was, I asked +the date and was told that it was the 25th of November; the fright I +had had was so great that I never forgot this date, which became for me +the object of a superstitious dread, and when it drew near the +following year, I was convinced that it would bring me fresh +misfortune. This was in so far the case that next year, at exactly the +same time, I fell ill and was obliged to spend some months in bed. + + +V. + +I was too delicate to be sent to school at five years old, like other +boys. My doctor uncle said it was not to be thought of. Since, however, +I could not grow up altogether in ignorance, it was decided that I +should have a tutor of my own. + +So a tutor was engaged who quickly won my unreserved affection and made +me very happy. The tutor came every morning and taught me all I had to +learn. He was a tutor whom one could ask about anything under the sun +and he would always know. First, there was the ABC. That was mastered +in a few lessons. I could read before I knew how to spell. Then came +writing and arithmetic and still more things. I was soon so far +advanced that the tutor could read _Frithiof's Saga_ aloud to me in +Swedish and be tolerably well understood; and, indeed, he could even +take a short German extract, and explain that I must say _ich_ and not +_ish_, as seemed so natural. + +Mr. Voltelen was a poor student, and I quite understood from the +conversation of my elders what a pleasure and advantage it was to him +to get a cup of coffee extra and fine white bread and fresh butter with +it every day. On the stroke of half-past ten the maid brought it in on +a tray. Lessons were stopped, and the tutor ate and drank with a relish +that I had never seen anyone show over eating and drinking before. The +very way in which he took his sugar--more sugar than Father or Mother +took--and dissolved it in the coffee before he poured in the cream, +showed what a treat the cup of coffee was to him. + +Mr. Voltelen had a delicate chest, and sometimes the grown-up people +said they were afraid he could not live. There was a report that a rich +benefactor, named Nobel, had offered to send him to Italy, that he +might recover in the warmer climate of the South. It was generous of +Mr. Nobel, and Mr. Voltelen was thinking of starting. Then he caught +another complaint. He had beautiful, brown, curly hair. One day he +stayed away; he had a bad head, he had contracted a disease in his hair +from a dirty comb at a bathing establishment. And when he came again I +hardly recognised him. He wore a little dark wig. He had lost every +hair on his head, even his eyebrows had disappeared. His face was of a +chalky pallor, and he coughed badly too. + +Why did not God protect him from consumption? And how could God find it +in His heart to give him the hair disease when he was so ill already? +God was strange. He was Almighty, but He did not use His might to take +care of Mr. Voltelen, who was so good and so clever, and so poor that +he needed help more than anyone else. Mr. Nobel was kinder to Mr. +Voltelen than God was. God was strange, too, in other ways; He was +present everywhere, and yet Mother was cross and angry if you asked +whether He was in the new moderator lamp, which burnt in the +drawing-room with a much brighter light than the two wax candles used +to give. God knew everything, which was very uncomfortable, since it +was impossible to hide the least thing from Him. Strangest of all was +it when one reflected that, if one knew what God thought one was going +to say, one could say something else and His omniscience would be +foiled. But of course one did not know what He thought would come next. +The worst of all, though, was that He left Mr. Voltelen in the lurch so. + + +VI. + +Some flashes of terrestrial majesty and magnificence shone on my modest +existence. Next after God came the King. As I was walking along the +street one day with my father, he exclaimed: "There is the King!" I +looked at the open carriage, but saw nothing noticeable there, so fixed +my attention upon the coachman, dressed in red, and the footman's +plumed hat. "The King wasn't there!" "Yes, indeed he was--he was in the +carriage." "Was that the King? He didn't look at all remarkable--he had +no crown on." "The King is a handsome man," said Father. "But he only +puts on his state clothes when he drives to the Supreme Court." + +So we went one day to see the King drive to the Supreme Court. A crowd +of people were standing waiting at the Naval Church. Then came the +procession. How splendid it was! There were runners in front of the +horses, with white silk stockings and regular flower-pots on their +heads; I had never seen anything like it; and there were postillions +riding on the horses in front of the carriage. I quite forgot to look +inside the carriage and barely caught a glimpse of the King. And that +glimpse made no impression upon me. That he was Christian VIII. I did +not know; he was only "the King." + +Then one day we heard that the King was dead, and that he was to lie in +state twice. These lyings in state were called by forced, unnatural +names, _Lit de Parade_ and _Castrum doloris_; I heard them so often +that I learnt them and did not forget them. On the _Lit de Parade_ the +body of the King himself lay outstretched; that was too sad for a +little boy. But _Castrum doloris_ was sheer delight, and it really was +splendid. First you picked your way for a long time along narrow +corridors, then high up in the black-draped hall appeared the coffin +covered with black velvet, strewn with shining, twinkling stars. And a +crowd of candles all round. It was the most magnificent sight I had +ever beheld. + + +VII. + +I was a town child, it is true, but that did not prevent me enjoying +open-air life, with plants and animals. The country was not so far from +town then as it is now. My paternal grandfather had a country-house a +little way beyond the North gate, with fine trees and an orchard; it +was the property of an old man who went about in high Wellington boots +and had a regular collection of wax apples and pears--such a marvellous +imitation that the first time you saw them you couldn't help taking a +bite out of one. Driving out to the country-house in the Summer, the +carriage would begin to lumber and rumble as soon as you passed through +the North gate, and when you came back you had to be careful to come in +before the gate was closed. + +We lived in the country ourselves, for that matter, out in the western +suburb, near the Black Horse (as later during the cholera Summer), or +along the old King's Road, where there were beautiful large gardens. In +one such a huge garden I stood one Summer day by my mother's side in +front of a large oblong bed with many kinds of flowers. "This bed shall +be yours," said Mother, and happy was I. I was to rake the paths round +it myself and tend and water the plants in it. I was particularly +interested to notice that a fresh set of flowers came out for every +season of the year. When the asters and dahlias sprang into bloom the +Summer was over. Still the garden was not the real country. The real +country was at Inger's, my dear old nurse's. She was called my nurse +because she had looked after me when I was small. But she had not fed +me, my mother had done that. + +Inger lived in a house with fields round it near High Taastrup. There +was no railway there then, and you drove out with a pair of horses. It +was only later that the wonderful railway was laid as far as Roskilde. +So it was an unparalleled event for the children, to go by train to +Valby and back. Their father took them. Many people thought that it was +too dangerous. But the children cared little for the danger. And it +went off all right and they returned alive. + +Inger had a husband whose name was Peer. He was nice, but had not much +to say. Inger talked far more and looked after everything. They had a +baby boy named Niels, but he was in the cradle and did not count. +Everything at Inger and Peer's house was different from the town. There +was a curious smell in the rooms, with their chests of drawers and +benches, not exactly disagreeable, but unforgettable. They had much +larger dishes of curds and porridge than you saw in Copenhagen. They +did not put the porridge or the curds on plates. Inger and Peer and +their little visitor sat round the milk bowl or the porridge dish and +put their spoons straight into it. But the guest had a spoon to +himself. They did not drink out of separate glasses, but he had a glass +to himself. + +It was jolly in the country. A cow and little pigs to play with and +milk warm from the cow. Inger used to churn, and there was buttermilk +to drink. It was great fun for a little Copenhagen boy to roll about in +the hay and lie on the hay-waggons when they were driven home. And +every time I came home from a visit to Inger Mother would laugh at me +the moment I opened my mouth, for, quite unconsciously, I talked just +like Inger and the other peasants. + + +VIII. + +In the wood attic, a little room divided from the main garret by wooden +bars, in which a quantity of split firewood and more finely chopped fir +sticks, smelling fresh and dry, are piled up in obliquely arranged +heaps, a little urchin with tightly closed mouth and obstinate +expression has, for more than two hours, been bearing his punishment of +being incarcerated there. + +Several times already his anxious mother has sent the housemaid to ask +whether he will beg pardon yet, and he has only shaken his head. He is +hungry; for he was brought up here immediately after school. But he +will not give in, for he is in the right. It is not his fault that the +grown-up people cannot understand him. They do not know that what he is +suffering now is nothing to what he has had to suffer. It is true that +he would not go with the nurse and his little brother into the King's +Gardens. But what do Father and Mother know of the ignominy of hearing +all day from the other schoolboys: "Oh! so you are fetched by the +nurse!" or "Here comes your nurse to fetch you!" He is overwhelmed with +shame at the thought of the other boys' scorn. She is not _his_ nurse, +she is his brother's. He could find his way home well enough, but how +can he explain to the other boys that his parents will not trust him +with the little one yet, and so send for them both at the same time! +Now there shall be an end to it; he will not go to the King's Gardens +with the nurse again. + +It is the housemaid, once more, come to ask if he will not beg pardon +now. In vain. Everything has been tried with him, scolding, and even a +box on the ear; but he has not been humbled. Now he stands here; he +will not give in. + +But this time his kind mother has not let the girl come empty-handed. +His meal is passed through the bars and he eats it. It is so much the +easier to hold out. And some hours later he is brought down and put to +bed without having apologised. + +Before I had so painfully become aware of the ignominy of going with +the maid to the King's Gardens, I had been exceedingly fond of the +place. What gardens they were for hide and seek, and puss in the +corner! What splendid alleys for playing Paradise, with Heaven and +Hell! To say nothing of playing at horses! A long piece of tape was +passed over and under the shoulders of two playfellows, and you drove +them with a tight rein and a whip in your hand. And if it were fun in +the old days when I only had tape for reins, it was ever so much +greater fun now that I had had a present from my father of splendid +broad reins of striped wool, with bells, that you could hear from far +enough when the pair came tearing down the wide avenues. + +I was fond of the gardens, which were large and at that time much +larger than they are now; and of the trees, which were many, at that +time many more than now. And every part of the park had its own +attraction. The Hercules pavilion was mysterious; Hercules with the +lion, instructive and powerful. A pity that it had become such a +disgrace to go there! + +I had not known it before. One day, not so long ago, I had felt +particularly happy there. I had been able for a long time to read +correctly in my reading-book and write on my slate. But one day Mr. +Voltelen had said to me: "You ought to learn to read writing." And from +that moment forth my ambition was set upon reading _writing_, an idea +which had never occurred to me before. When my tutor first showed me +_writing_, it had looked to me much as cuneiform inscriptions and +hieroglyphics would do to ordinary grown-up people, but by degrees I +managed to recognize the letters I was accustomed to in this their +freer, more frivolous disguise, running into one another and with their +regularity broken up. In the first main avenue of the King's Gardens I +had paced up and down, in my hand the thin exercise-book, folded over +in the middle,--the first book of writing I had ever seen,--and had +already spelt out the title, "Little Red Riding-Hood." The story was +certainly not very long; still, it filled several of the narrow pages, +and it was exciting to spell out the subject, for it was new to me. In +triumphant delight at having conquered some difficulties and being on +the verge of conquering others, I kept stopping in front of a strange +nurse-girl, showed her the book, and asked: "Can you read writing?" + +Twenty-three years later I paced up and down the same avenue as a young +man, once more with a book of manuscript, that I was reading, in my +hand. I was fixing my first lecture in my mind, and I repeated it over +and over again to myself until I knew it almost by heart, only to +discover, to my disquiet, a few minutes later, that I had forgotten the +whole, and that was bad enough; for what I wished to say in my lecture +were things that I had very much at heart. + +The King's Garden continued to occupy its place in my life. Later on, +for so many years, when Spring and Summer passed by and I was tied to +the town, and pined for trees and the scent of flowers, I used to go to +the park, cross it obliquely to the beds near the beautiful copper +beeches, by the entrance from the ramparts, where there were always +flowers, well cared for and sweet scented. I caressed them with my +eyes, and inhaled their perfume leaning forward over the railings. + +But just now I preferred to be shut up in the wood-loft to being +fetched by the nurse from school to the Gardens. It was horrid, too, to +be obliged to walk so slowly with the girl, even though no longer +obliged to take hold of her skirt. How I envied the boys contemptuously +called street boys! They could run in and out of the courtyard, shout +and make as much noise as they liked, quarrel and fight out in the +street, and move about freely. I knew plenty of streets. If sent into +the town on an errand I should be able to find my way quite easily. + +And at last I obtained permission. Happy, happy day! I flew off like an +arrow. I could not possibly have walked. And I ran home again at full +galop. From that day forth I always ran when I had to go out alone. +Yes, and I could not understand how grown-up people and other boys +could walk. I tried a few steps to see, but impatience got the better +of me and off I flew. It was fine fun to run till you positively felt +the hurry you were in, because you hit your back with your heels at +every step. + +My father, though, could run very much faster. It was impossible to +compete with him on the grass. But it was astonishing how slow old +people were. Some of them could not run up a hill and called it trying +to climb stairs. + + +IX. + +On the whole, the world was friendly. It chiefly depended on whether +one were good or not. If not, Karoline was especially prone to complain +and Father and Mother were transformed into angry powers. Father was, +of course, a much more serious power than Mother, a more distant, more +hard-handed power. Neither of them, in an ordinary way, inspired any +terror. They were in the main protecting powers. + +The terrifying power at this first stage was supplied by the bogey-man. +He came rushing suddenly out of a corner with a towel in front of his +face and said: "Bo!" and you jumped. If the towel were taken away there +soon emerged a laughing face from behind it. That at once made the +bogey-man less terrible. And perhaps that was the reason Maren's +threat: "Now, if you are not good, the bogey-man will come and take +you," quickly lost its effect. And yet it was out of this same +bogey-man, so cold-bloodedly shaken off, that at a later stage a +personality with whom there was no jesting developed, one who was not +to be thrust aside in the same way, a personality for whom you felt +both fear and trembling--the Devil himself. + +But it was only later that he revealed himself to my ken. It was not he +who succeeded first to the bogey-man. It was--the police. The police +was the strange and dreadful power from which there was no refuge for a +little boy. The police came and took him away from his parents, away +from the nursery and the drawing-room, and put him in prison. + +In the street the police wore a blue coat and had a large cane in his +hand. Woe to the one who made the acquaintance of that cane! + +My maternal grandfather was having his warehouse done up, a large +warehouse, three stories high. Through doors at the top, just under the +gable in the middle, there issued a crane, and from it hung down a +tremendously thick rope at the end of which was a strong iron hook. By +means of it the large barrels of sky-blue indigo, which were brought on +waggons, were hoisted. Inside the warehouse the ropes passed through +every storey, through holes in the floors. If you pulled from the +inside at the one or the other of the ropes, the rope outside with the +iron crook went up or down. + +In the warehouse you found Jens; he was a big, strong, taciturn, +majestic man with a red nose and a little pipe in his mouth, and his +fingers were always blue from the indigo. If you had made sure of Jens' +good-will, you could play in the warehouse for hours at a time, roll +the empty barrels about, and--which was the greatest treat of all--pull +the ropes. This last was a delight that kept all one's faculties at +extreme tension. The marvellous thing about it was that you yourself +stood inside the house and pulled, and yet at the same time you could +watch through the open doors in the wall how the rope outside went up +or down. How it came about was an enigma. But you had the refreshing +consciousness of having accomplished something--saw the results of your +efforts before your eyes. + +Nor could I resist the temptation of pulling the ropes when Jens was +out and the warehouse empty. My little brother had whooping cough, so I +could not live at home, but had to be at my grandfather's. One day Jens +surprised me and pretty angry he was. "A nice little boy you are! If +you pull the rope at a wrong time you will cut the expensive rope +through, and it cost 90 Rigsdaler! What do you think your grandfather +will say?" [Footnote: A Rigsdaler was worth about two shillings and +threepence, English money. It is a coin that has been out of use about +40 years.] + +It was, of course, very alarming to think that I might destroy such a +valuable thing. Not that I had any definite ideas of money and numbers. +I was well up in the multiplication table and was constantly wrestling +with large numbers, but they did not correspond to any actual +conception in my mind. When I reckoned up what one number of several +digits came to multiplied by another of much about the same value, I +had not the least idea whether Father or Grandfather had so many +Rigsdaler, or less, or more. There was only one of the uncles who took +an interest in my gift for multiplication, and that was my stout, rich +uncle with the crooked mouth, of whom it was said that he owned a +million, and who was always thinking of figures. He was hardly at the +door of Mother's drawing-room before he called out: "If you are a sharp +boy and can tell me what 27,374 times 580,208 are, you shall have four +skilling;" and quickly slate and pencil appeared and the sum was +finished in a moment and the four skilling pocketed. [Footnote: Four +skilling would be a sum equal to 1-1/2d. English money.] + +I was at home then in the world of figures, but not in that of values. +All the same, it would be a terrible thing to destroy such a value as +90 Rigsdaler seemed to be. But might it not be that Jens only said so? +He surely could not see from the rope whether it had been pulled or not. + +So I did it again, and one day when Jens began questioning me sternly +could not deny my guilt. "I saw it," said Jens; "the rope is nearly cut +in two, and now you will catch it, now the policeman will come and +fetch you." + +For weeks after that I did not have one easy hour. Wherever I went, or +whatever I did, the fear of the police followed me. I dared not speak +to anyone of what I had done and of what was awaiting me. I was too +much ashamed, and I noticed, too, that my parents knew nothing. But if +a door opened suddenly I would look anxiously at the incomer. When I +was walking with the nurse and my little brother I looked all round on +every side, and frequently peeped behind me, to see whether the police +were after me. Even when I lay in my bed, shut in on all four sides by +its trellis-work, the dread of the police was upon me still. + +There was only one person to whom I dared mention it, and that was +Jens. When a few weeks had gone by I tried to get an answer out of him. +Then I perceived that Jens did not even know what I was talking about. +Jens had evidently forgotten all about it. Jens had been making fun of +me. If my relief was immense, my indignation was no less. So much +torture for nothing at all! Older people, who had noticed how the word +"police" was to me an epitome of all that was terrible, sometimes made +use of it as an explanation of things that they thought were above my +comprehension. + +When I was six years old I heard the word "war" for the first time. I +did not know what it was, and asked. "It means," said one of my aunts, +"that the Germans have put police in Schleswig and forbidden the Danes +to go there, and that they will beat them if they stay there." That I +could understand, but afterwards I heard them talking about soldiers. +"Are there soldiers as well?" I asked. "Police and soldiers," was the +answer. But that confused me altogether, for the two things belonged in +my mind to wholly different categories. Soldiers were beautiful, +gay-coloured men with shakos, who kept guard and marched in step to the +sound of drums and fifes and music, till you longed to go with them. +That was why soldiers were copied in tin and you got them on your +birthday in boxes. But police went by themselves, without music, +without beautiful colours on their uniforms, looked stern and +threatening, and had a stick in their hands. Nobody dreamt of copying +them in tin. I was very much annoyed to find out, as I soon did, that I +had been misled by the explanation and that it was a question of +soldiers only. + +Not a month had passed before I began to follow eagerly, when the +grown-up people read aloud from the farthing newspaper sheets about the +battles at Bov, Nybböl, etc. The Danes always won. At bottom, war was a +cheerful thing. + +Then one day an unexpected and overwhelming thing happened. Mother was +sitting with her work on the little raised platform in the +drawing-room, in front of the sewing-table with its many little +compartments, in which, under the loose mahogany lid, there lay so many +beautiful and wonderful things--rings and lovely earrings, with pearls +in them--when the door to the kitchen opened and the maid came in. "Has +Madame heard? The _Christian VIII_. has been blown up at Eckernförde +and the _Gefion_ is taken." + +"Can it be possible?" said Mother. And she leaned over the sewing-table +and burst into tears, positively sobbed. It impressed me as nothing had +ever done before. I had never seen Mother cry. Grown-up people did not +cry. I did not even know that they could. And now Mother was crying +till the tears streamed down her face. I did not know what either the +_Christian VIII_. or the _Gefion_ were, and it was only now that the +maid explained to me that they were ships. But I understood that a +great misfortune had happened, and soon, too, how people were blown up +with gunpowder, and what a good thing it was that one of our +acquaintances, an active young man who was liked by everyone and always +got on well, had escaped with a whole skin, and had reached Copenhagen +in civilian's dress. + + +X. + +About this time it dawned upon me in a measure what birth and death +were. Birth was something that came quite unexpectedly, and afterwards +there was one child more in the house. One day, when I was sitting on +the sofa between Grandmamma and Grandpapa at their dining-table in +Klareboderne, having dinner with a fairly large company, the door at +the back of the room just opposite to me opened. My father stood in the +doorway, and, without a good-morning, said: "You have got a little +brother"--and there really was a little one in a cradle when I went +home. + +Death I had hitherto been chiefly acquainted with from a large, +handsome painting on Grandfather's wall, the death of the King not +having affected me. The picture represented a garden in which Aunt +Rosette sat on a white-painted bench, while in front of her stood Uncle +Edward with curly hair and a blouse on, holding out a flower to her. +But Uncle Edward was dead, had died when he was a little boy, and as he +had been such a very good boy, everyone was very sorry that they were +not going to see him again. And now they were always talking about +death. So and so many dead, so and so many wounded! And all the trouble +was caused by the Enemy. + + +XI. + +There were other inimical forces, too, besides the police and the +Enemy, more uncanny and less palpable forces. When I dragged behind the +nursemaid who held my younger brother by the hand, sometimes I heard a +shout behind me, and if I turned round would see a grinning boy, making +faces and shaking his fist at me. For a long time I took no particular +notice, but as time went on I heard the shout oftener and asked the +maid what it meant. "Oh, nothing!" she replied. But on my repeatedly +asking she simply said: "It is a bad word." + +But one day, when I had heard the shout again, I made up my mind that I +would know, and when I came home asked my mother: "What does it mean?" +"Jew!" said Mother. "Jews are people." "Nasty people?" "Yes," said +Mother, smiling, "sometimes very ugly people, but not always." "Could I +see a Jew?" "Yes, very easily," said Mother, lifting me up quickly in +front of the large oval mirror above the sofa. + +I uttered a shriek, so that Mother hurriedly put me down again, and my +horror was such that she regretted not having prepared me. Later on she +occasionally spoke about it. + + +XII. + +Other inimical forces in the world cropped up by degrees. When you had +been put to bed early the maids often sat down at the nursery table, +and talked in an undertone until far on into the evening. And then they +would tell stories that were enough to make your hair stand on end. +They talked of ghosts that went about dressed in white, quite +noiselessly, or rattling their chains through the rooms of houses, +appeared to people lying in bed, frightened guilty persons; of figures +that stepped out of their picture-frames and moved across the floor; of +the horror of spending a night in the dark in a church--no one dared do +that; of what dreadful places churchyards were, how the dead in long +grave-clothes rose up from their graves at night and frightened the +life out of people, while the Devil himself ran about the churchyard in +the shape of a black cat. In fact, you could never be sure, when you +saw a black cat towards evening, that the Devil was not inside it. And +as easily as winking the Devil could transform himself into a man and +come up behind the person he had a grudge against. + +It was a terrifying excitement to lie awake and listen to all this. And +there was no doubt about it. Both Maren and Karoline had seen things of +the sort themselves and could produce witnesses by the score. It caused +a revolution in my consciousness. I learnt to know the realm of +Darkness and the Prince of Darkness. For a time I hardly ventured to +pass through a dark room. I dared not sit at my book with an open door +behind me. Who might not step noiselessly in! And if there were a +mirror on the wall in front of me I would tremble with fear lest I +might see the Devil, standing with gleaming eyes at the back of my +chair. + +When at length the impression made upon me by all these ghost and devil +stories passed away, I retained a strong repugnance to all darkness +terror, and to all who take advantage of the defenceless fear of the +ignorant for the powers of darkness. + + +XIII. + +The world was widening out. It was not only home and the houses of my +different grandparents, and the clan of my uncles, aunts, and cousins; +it grew larger. + +I realized this at the homecoming of the troops. They came home twice. +The impression they produced the first time was certainly a great, +though not a deep one. It was purely external, and indistinctly merged +together: garlands on the houses and across the streets, the dense +throng of people, the flower-decked soldiers, marching in step to the +music under a constant shower of flowers from every window, and looking +up smiling. The second time, long afterwards, I took things in in much +greater detail. The wounded, who went in front and were greeted with a +sort of tenderness; the officers on horseback, saluting with their +swords, on which were piled wreath over wreath; the bearded soldiers, +with tiny wreaths round their bayonets, while big boys carried their +rifles for them. And all the time the music of _Den tapre Landsoldat_, +when not the turn of _Danmark dejligst_ or _Vift stolt!_ [Footnote: +Three favourite Danish tunes: "The Brave Soldier," "Fairest Denmark," +and "Proudly Wave." ] + +But the second time I was not wholly absorbed by the sight, for I was +tormented by remorse. My aunt had presented me the day before with +three little wreaths to throw at the soldiers; the one I was to keep +myself, and I was to give each of my two small brothers one of the +others; I had promised faithfully to do so. And I had kept them all +three, intending to throw them all myself. I knew it was wrong and +deceitful; I was suffering for it, but the delight of throwing all the +wreaths myself was too great. I flung them down. A soldier caught one +on his bayonet; the others fell to the ground. I was thoroughly ashamed +of myself, and have never forgotten my shame. + + +XIV. + +I knew that the theatre (where I had never been) was the place where +Mother and Father enjoyed themselves most. They often talked of it, and +were most delighted if the actors had "acted well," words which +conveyed no meaning to me. + +Children were not at that time debarred from the Royal Theatre, and I +had no more ardent wish than to get inside. I was still a very small +child when one day they took me with them in the carriage in which +Father and Mother and Aunt were driving to the theatre. I had my seat +with the others in the pit, and sat speechless with admiration when the +curtain went up. The play was called _Adventures on a Walking Tour_. I +could not understand anything. Men came on the stage and talked +together. One crept forward under a bush and sang. I could not grasp +the meaning of it, and when I asked I was only told to be quiet. But my +emotion was so great that I began to feel ill, and had to be carried +out. Out in the square I was sick and had to be taken home. +Unfortunately for me, that was precisely what happened the second time, +when, in response to my importunity, another try was made. My +excitement, my delight, my attention to the unintelligible were too +overwhelming. I nearly fainted, and at the close of the first act had +to leave the theatre. After that, it was a very long time before I was +regarded as old enough to stand the excitement. + +Once, though, I was allowed to go to see a comedy. Mr. Voltelen gave me +a ticket for some students' theatricals at the Court Theatre, in which +he himself was going to appear. The piece was called _A Spendthrift_, +and I saw it without suffering for it. There was a young, flighty man +in it who used to throw gold coins out of the window, and there was an +ugly old hag, and a young, beautiful girl as well. I sat and kept a +sharp lookout for when my master should come on, but I was +disappointed; there was no Mr. Voltelen to be seen. + +Next day, when I thanked him for the entertainment, I added: "But you +made game of me. You were not in it at all." "What? I was not in it? +Did you not see the old hag? That was I. Didn't you see the girl? That +was I." It was incomprehensible to me that anyone could disguise +himself so. Mr. Voltelen must most certainly have "acted well." But +years afterwards, I could still not understand how one judged of this. +Since plays affected me exactly like real life, I was, of course, not +in a position to single out the share the actors took. + + +XV. + +The war imbued my tin soldiers with quite a new interest. It was +impossible to have boxes enough of them. You could set them out in +companies and battalions; they opened their ranks to attack, stormed, +were wounded, and fell. Sometimes they lay down fatigued and slept on +the field of battle. But a new box that came one day made the old ones +lose all value for me. For the soldiers in the new box were proper +soldiers, with chests and backs, round to the touch, heavy to hold. In +comparison with them, the older ones, profile soldiers, so small that +you could only look at them sideways, sank into utter insignificance. A +step had been taken from the abstract to the concrete. It was no longer +any pleasure to me to play with the smaller soldiers. I said: "They +amused me last year, when I was little." There was a similar change, a +similar picture of historic progress, when the hobby-horse on which I +had spent so many happy hours, and on which I had ridden through rooms +and passages, was put in the corner in favour of the new rocking-horse +which, long coveted and desired, was carried in through the door, and +stood in the room, rocking slightly, as though ready for the boldest +ride, the moment its rider flung himself into the saddle. + +I mounted it and oh, happiness! I began to ride, and rode on with +passionate delight till I nearly went over the horse's head. "When I +was a little boy the hobby-horse amused me, but it does not now." Every +time I climbed a fresh rung of the ladder, no matter how low an one, +the same feeling possessed me, and the same train of thought. Mother +often joked about it, up to the time when I was a full grown man. If I +quickly outgrew my fancies, if I had quite done with anything or +anybody that had absorbed me a little while before, she would say, with +a smile: "Last year, when I was a little boy, the hobby-horse amused +me." + +Still, progress was not always smooth. When I was small I had pretty +blouses, one especially, grey, with brown worsted lace upon it, that I +was fond of wearing; now I had plain, flat blouses with a leather belt +round the waist. Later on, I was ambitious to have a jacket, like big +boys, and when this wish had been gratified there awoke in me, as +happens in life, a more lofty ambition still, that to wear a frock +coat. In the fulness of time an old frock coat of my father's was +altered to fit me. I looked thin and lank in it, but the dress was +honourable. Then it occurred to me that everybody would see I was +wearing a frock coat for the first time. I did not dare to go out into +the streets with it on, but went out of my way round the ramparts for +fear of meeting anyone. + +When I was a little boy I did not, of course, trouble much about my +appearance. I did not remember that my portrait had been drawn several +times. But when I was nine years old, Aunt Sarah--at that time +everybody was either uncle or aunt--determined that we brothers should +have our portraits taken in daguerreotype for Father's birthday. The +event made a profound impression, because I had to stand perfectly +still while the picture was being taken, and because the +daguerreotypist, a German, whose name was Schätzig, rolled his _r_s and +hissed his _s_s. The whole affair was a great secret, which was not to +be betrayed. The present was to be a surprise, and I was compelled to +promise perfect silence. I kept my promise for one day. But next day, +at the dinner-table, I accidentally burst out: "Now! quite shtill! _as +the man said_." "What man?" "Ah! that was the secret!" + +The visit to Schätzig in itself I had reason to remember a long time. +Some one or another had said that I had a slender neck, and that it was +pretty. Just as we were going in, my aunt said: "You will catch cold +inside," and in spite of my protests tied a little silk handkerchief +round my neck. That handkerchief spoilt all my pleasure in being +immortalised. And it is round my neck on the old picture to this day. + + +XVI. + +The tin soldiers had called all my warlike instincts into being. After +the rocking-horse, more and more military appurtenances followed. A +shining helmet to buckle firmly under the chin, in which one looked +quite imposing; a cuirass of real metal like the Horseguards', and a +short rapier in a leather scabbard, which went by the foreign name of +Hirschfänger, and was a very awe-inspiring weapon in the eyes of one's +small brothers, when they were mercilessly massacred with it. Sitting +on the rocking-horse, arrayed in all this splendour, wild dreams of +military greatness filled the soul, dreams which grew wilder and more +ambitious from year to year until between the age of 8 and 9 they +received a fresh and unwholesome stimulus from Ingemann's novels. +[Footnote: B.S. Ingemann (1789-1862), a Danish writer celebrated +chiefly as the author of many historical novels, now only read by very +young children.] + +On horseback, at the head of a chosen band, fighting like the lost +against unnumbered odds! Rock goes the rocking-horse, violently up and +down. The enemy wavers, he begins to give way. The rocking-horse is +pulled up. A sign with the Hirschfänger to the herd of common troops. +The enemy is beaten and flies, the next thing is to pursue him. The +rocking-horse is set once more in furious motion. Complete victory. +Procession into the capital; shouts of jubilation and wreaths of +flowers, for the victor and his men. + + +XVII. + +Just about this time, when in imagination I was so great a warrior, I +had good use in real life for more strength, as I was no longer taken +to school by the nurse, but instead had myself to protect my brother, +two years my junior. The start from home was pleasant enough. Lunch +boxes of tin with the Danish greeting after meals in gold letters upon +them, stood open on the table. Mother, at one end of the table, spread +each child six pieces of bread and butter, which were then placed +together, two and two, white bread on brown bread, a mixture which, was +uncommonly nice. The box would take exactly so many. Then it was put in +the school-bag with the books. And with bag on back you went to school, +always the same way. But those were days when the journey was much +impeded. Every minute you met boys who called you names and tried to +hit the little one, and you had to fight at every street corner you +turned. And those were days when, even in the school itself, despite +the humanity of the age (not since attained to), terms of abuse, +buffets and choice insults were one's daily bread, and I can see myself +now, as I sprang up one day in a fight with a much bigger boy and bit +him in the neck, till a master was obliged to get me away from him, and +the other had to have his neck bathed under the pump. + +I admired in others the strength that I lacked myself. There was in the +class one big, stout, squarely built, inexpressibly good-natured boy, +for whom no one was a match in fighting. He was from Lolland, and his +name was Ludvig; he was not particularly bright, but robust and as +strong as a giant. Then one day there arrived at the school a West +Indian of the name of Muddie, dark of hue, with curly hair, as strong +and slim as a savage, and with all the finesse and feints which he had +at his command, irresistible, whether wrestling or when fighting with +his fists. He beat all the strongest boys in the school. Only Ludvig +and he had not challenged each other. But the boys were very anxious to +see a bout between the two, and a wrestling match between them was +arranged for a free quarter of an hour. For the boys, who were all +judges, it was a fine sight to see two such fighters wrestle, +especially when the Lollander flung himself down on the other and the +West Indian struggled vainly, writhing like a very snake to twist +himself out of his grasp. + +One day two new boys came to school, two brothers; the elder, Adam, was +small and sallow, extraordinarily withered, looking like a cripple, +without, however, being one; the somewhat younger brother, Sofus, was +splendidly made and amazed us in the very first lesson in which the new +arrivals took part--a gymnastic class--by his unusual agility in +swarming and walking up the sloping bar. He seemed to be as strong as +he was dexterous, and in a little boy with a reverence for those who +were strong, he naturally aroused positive enthusiasm. This was even +augmented next day, when a big, malicious boy, who had scoffed at Adam +for being puny, was, in a trice, so well thrashed by Sofus that he lost +both his breath and his courage. + +Sofus, the new arrival, and I, who had achieved fighting exploits from +the rocking-horse only, were henceforth, for some time, inseparable +friends. It was one of the usual friendships between little boys, in +which the one admires and the other allows himself to be worshipped. +The admirer in this case could only feed his feelings by presenting the +other with the most cherished thing he possessed. This most cherished +thing happened to be some figures cut out in gold paper, from France, +representing every possible object and personage, from ships with masts +and sails, to knights and ladies. I had collected them for a long time +and preserved them, piece by piece, by gumming them into a book which +was the pride of my existence. I gave the book, without the slightest +hesitation, to Sofus, who accepted it without caring for it in the +least. + +And then by reason of the exaggerated admiration of which he was the +object, Sofus, who hitherto had been so straightforward, began to grow +capricious. It was a settled rule that he and I went home from school +together. But one day a difficulty cropped up; Sofus had promised +Valdemar, a horrid boy, who cheated at lessons, to go home with him. +And next day something else prevented him. But when, suddenly having +learnt to know all the pangs of neglect and despised affection, I met +him the third day, after having waited vainly for him, crossing Our +Lady's Square with Valdemar, in my anger I seized my quondam friend +roughly by the arm, my face distorted with rage, and burst out: "You +are a rascal!" then rushed off, and never addressed him again. It was a +very ill-advised thing to do, in fact, the very most foolish thing I +could have done. But I was too passionate to behave sensibly. Valdemar +spread the account of my conduct all through the class, and next day, +in our quarter of an hour's playtime, I heard on every side from the +laughing boys: "You are a rascal! You are a rascal!" + + +XVIII. + +The world was widening out. The instruction I received grew more +varied. There were a great many lessons out of school. From my drawing +mistress, a pleasant girl, who could draw Fingal in a helmet in +charcoal, I learnt to see how things looked in comparison with one +another, how they hid one another and revealed themselves, in +perspective; from my music mistress, my kind aunt, to recognise the +notes and keys, and to play, first short pieces, then sonatas, alone, +then as duets. But alas! Neither in the arts of sight nor hearing did I +ever prove myself more than mediocre. I never attained, either in +drawing or piano-playing, to more than a soulless accuracy. And I +hardly showed much greater aptitude when, on bright Sunday mornings, +which invited not at all to the delights of dancing, with many another +tiny lad and lass I was marshalled up to dance in the dancing saloon of +Mr. Hoppe, the royal dancer, and learnt to take up the first to the +fifth positions and swing the girls round in the polka mazurka. I +became an ardent, but never a specially good, dancer. + + +XIX. + +The world was widening out. Father brought from Paris a marvellous +game, called Fortuna, with bells over pockets in the wood, and balls +which were pushed with cues. Father had travelled from Paris with it +five days and six nights. It was inexpressibly fascinating; no one else +in Copenhagen had a game like it. And next year, when Father came home +from Paris again, he brought a large, flat, polished box, in which +there were a dozen different games, French games with balls, and +battledores and shuttlecocks, games which grown-up people liked +playing, too; and there were carriages which went round and round by +clockwork, and a tumbler who turned somersaults backwards down a flight +of steps as soon as he was placed on the top step. Those were things +that the people in France could do. + +The world was widening out more and more. Relations often came over +from Göteborg. They spoke Swedish, but if you paid great attention you +could understand quite well what they said. They spoke the language of +_Frithiof's Saga_, but pronounced it differently from Mr. Voltelen. And +there came a young French count whose relations my father's brother had +known; he had come as a sailor on a French man-o'-war, and he came and +stayed to dinner and sang the Marseillaise. It was from him that I +heard the song for the first time. He was only fifteen, and very +good-looking, and dressed like an ordinary sailor, although he was a +count. + +And then there were my two uncles, Uncle Jacob and Uncle Julius--my +mother's brother Jacob and my father's brother Julius, who had both +become Frenchmen long ago and lived in Paris. Uncle Jacob often came +for a few weeks or more at a time. He was small and broad-shouldered +and good-looking. Everybody was fond of Uncle Jacob; all the ladies +wanted to be asked to the house when Uncle Jacob came. He had a wife +and four children in Paris. But I had pieced together from the +conversation of the grown-up people that Aunt Victorine was his wife +and yet not his wife. Grandmother would have nothing to do with her. +And Uncle Jacob had gone all the way to the Pope in Rome and asked for +her to remain his wife. But the Pope had said No. Why? Because Aunt +Victorine had had another husband before, who had been cruel to her and +beaten her, and the man came sometimes, when Uncle was away, and took +her furniture away from her. It was incomprehensible that he should be +allowed to, and that the Pope would do nothing to prevent it, for after +all she was a Catholic. + +Uncle Jacob had a peculiar expression about his mouth when he smiled. +There was a certain charm about everything he said and did, but his +smile was sad. He had acted thoughtlessly, they said, and was not +happy. One morning, while he was visiting Father and Mother and was +lying asleep in the big room, there was a great commotion in the house; +a messenger was sent for the doctor and the word _morphia_ was spoken. +He was ill, but was very soon well again. When he asked his sister next +day: "What has become of my case of pistols?" she replied with a grave +face: "I have taken it and I shall keep it." + +I had not thought as a boy that I should ever see Uncle Jacob's wife +and children. And yet it so happened that I did. Many years afterwards, +when I was a young man and went to Paris, after my uncle's death, I +sought out Victorine and her children. I wished to bring her personally +the monthly allowance that her relatives used to send her from Denmark. +I found her prematurely old, humbled by poverty, worn out by privation. +How was it possible that she should be so badly off? Did she not +receive the help that was sent from Copenhagen every month to uncle's +best friend, M. Fontane, in the Rue Vivienne? Alas, no! M. Fontane gave +her a little assistance once in a while, and at other times sent her +and her children away with hard words. + +It turned out that M. Fontane had swindled her, and had himself kept +the money that had been sent for years to the widow of his best friend. +He was a tall, handsome man, with a large business. No one would have +believed that a scoundrel could have looked as he did. He was +eventually compelled to make the money good. And when the cousin from +Denmark rang after that at his French relatives' door, he was +immediately hung round, like a Christmas tree, with little boys and one +small girl, who jumped up and wound their arms round his neck, and +would not let him go. + + + + + +BOYHOOD'S YEARS + +Our House--Its Inmates--My Paternal Grandfather--My Maternal +Grandfather--School and Home--Farum--My Instructors--A Foretaste of +Life--Contempt for the Masters--My Mother--The Mystery of Life--My +First Glimpse of Beauty--The Head Master--Religion--My Standing in +School--Self-esteem--An Instinct for Literature--Private +Reading--Heine's _Buch der Lieder_--A Broken Friendship. + + +I. + +The house belonged to my father's father, and had been in his +possession some twenty years. My parents lived on the second floor. It +was situated in the busy part of the town, right in the heart of +Copenhagen. On the first floor lived a West Indian gentleman who spoke +Danish with a foreign accent; sometimes there came to see him a Danish +man of French descent, Mr. Lafontaine, who, it was said, was so strong +that he could take two rifles and bayonets and hold them out +horizontally without bending his arm. I never saw Mr. Lafontaine, much +less his marvellous feat of strength, but when I went down the stairs I +used to stare hard at the door behind which these wonderful doings went +on. + +In the basement lived Niels, manservant to the family, who, besides his +domestic occupations, found time to develop a talent for business. In +all secrecy he carried on a commerce, very considerable under the +circumstances, in common watches and in mead, two kinds of wares that +in sooth had no connection with each other. The watches had no +particular attraction for a little boy, but the mead, which was kept in +jars, on a shelf, appealed to me doubly. It was the beverage the old +Northmen had loved so much that the dead drank it in Valhalla. It was +astonishing that it could still be had. How nice it must be! I was +allowed to taste it and it surpassed all my expectations. Sweeter than +sugar! More delicious than anything else on earth that I had tasted! +But if you drank more than a very small glass of it, you felt sick. + +And I profoundly admired the dead warriors for having been able to toss +off mead from large drinking-horns and eat fat pork with it. What a +choice! And they never had stomach-ache! + + +II. + +On the ground floor was the shop, which occupied the entire breadth and +nearly the entire depth of the house, a silk and cloth business, large, +according to the ideas of the time, which was managed by my father and +grandfather together until my eleventh year, when Father began to deal +wholesale on his own account. It was nice in the shop, because when you +went down the assistants would take you round the waist and lift you +over to the other side of the semi-circular counter which divided them +from the customers. The assistants were pleasant, dignified gentlemen, +of fine appearance and behaviour, friendly without wounding +condescension. + +Between my fifth and sixth years some alterations were done at the +shop, which was consequently closed to me for a long time. When it was +once more accessible I stood amazed at the change. A long, +glass-covered gallery had been added, in which the wares lay stored on +new shelves. The extension of the premises was by no means +inconsiderable, and simultaneously an extension had been made in the +staff. Among the new arrivals was an apprentice named Gerhard, who was +as tall as a grown man, but must have been very young, for he talked to +me, a six-year-old child, like a companion. He was very nice-looking, +and knew it. "You don't want harness when you have good hips," he would +say, pointing to his mightily projecting loins. This remark made a +great impression upon me, because it was the first time I had heard +anyone praise his own appearance. I knew that one ought not to praise +one's self and that self-praise was no recommendation. So I was +astonished to find that self-praise in Gerhard's mouth was not +objectionable; in fact, it actually suited him. Gerhard often talked of +what a pleasure it was to go out in the evenings and enjoy one's +self--what the devil did it matter what old people said?--and listen to +women singing--amusements which his hearer could not manage to picture +very clearly to himself. + +It soon began to be said that Gerhard was not turning out well. The +manner in which he procured the money for his pleasures resulted, as I +learnt long afterwards, in his sudden dismissal. But he had made some +slight impression on my boyish fancy--given me a vague idea of a +heedless life of enjoyment, and of youthful defiance. + + +III. + +On the landing which led from the shop to the stockroom behind, my +grandfather took up his position. He looked very handsome up there, +with his curly white hair. Thence, like a general, he looked down on +everything--on the customers, the assistants, the apprentices, both +before and behind him. If some specially esteemed lady customer came +into the shop, he hurriedly left his exalted position to give advice. +If the shopman's explanations failed to satisfy her, he put things +right. He was at the zenith of his strength, vigour, and apparently of +his glory. + +The glory vanished, because from the start he had worked his way up +without capital. The Hamburg firm that financed the business lent money +at too high a rate of interest and on too hard conditions for it to +continue to support two families. + +But when later on my grandfather had his time at his own disposal, he +took up the intellectual interests which in his working years he had +had to repress. In his old age, for instance, he taught himself +Italian, and his visitors would find him, with Tasso's _Gerusalemme +liberata_ in front of him, looking out in a dictionary every word that +presented any difficulty to him, and of such there were many. + +The old man was an ardent Buonapartist, and, strangely enough, an even +more ardent admirer of the Third Napoleon than of the First, because he +regarded him as shrewder, and was convinced that he would bequeath the +Empire to his son. But he and I came into collision on this point from +the time I was fourteen years of age. For I was of course a Republican, +and detested Napoleon III. for his breach of the Constitution, and used +to write secretly in impossible French, and in a still more impossible +metre (which was intended to represent hexameters and pentameters) +verses against the tyrant. An ode to the French language began: + + "Ah! quelle langue magnifique, si belle, si riche, si sonore, + Langue qu'un despote cruel met aux liens et aux fers!" + +On the subject of Napoleon III. grandfather and grandson could not +possibly agree. But this was the only subject on which we ever had any +dispute. + + +IV. + +My maternal grandfather was quite different, entirely devoid of +impetuosity, even-tempered, amiable, very handsome. He too had worked +his way up from straightened circumstances; in fact, it was only when +he was getting on for twenty that he had taught himself to read and +write, well-informed though he was at the time I write of. He had once +been apprentice to the widow of Möller the dyer, when Oehlenschläger +and the Oersteds used to dine at the house. After the patriarchal +fashion of the day, he had sat daily at the same table as these great, +much-admired men, and he often told how he had clapped his hands till +they almost bled at Oehlenschläger's plays, in the years when, by +reason of Baggesen's attack, opinions about them at the theatre were +divided. + +My great-grandfather, the father of my mother's stepmother, who wore +high boots with a little tassel in front, belonged to an even older +generation. He used to say: "If I could only live to see a Danish +man-o'-war close with an English ship and sink it, I should be happy; +the English are the most disgraceful pack of robbers in the world." He +was so old that he had still a vivid recollection of the battle in the +roadstead and of the bombardment of Copenhagen. + + +V. + +School and Home were two different worlds, and it often struck me that +I led a double life. Six hours a day I lived under school discipline in +active intercourse with people none of whom were known to those at +home, and the other hours of the twenty-four I spent at home, or with +relatives of the people at home, none of whom were known to anybody at +school. + +On Oct. 1st, 1849, I was taken to school, led in through the +sober-looking doorway, and up into a classroom, where I was received by +a kindly man, the arithmetic master, who made me feel at my ease. I +noticed at once that when the master asked a boy anything which another +knew, this other had a right to publish his knowledge by holding up a +finger--a right of which I myself made an excessive use in the first +lessons, until I perceived the sense of not trying, in season and out +of season, to attract attention to my knowledge or superiority, and +kept my hands on the table in front of me. + + +VI. + +Suddenly, with surprising vividness, a little incident of my childhood +rises up before me. I was ten years old. I had been ill in the Winter +and my parents had boarded me out in the country for the Summer +holidays; all the love of adventure in me surged up. At the Straw +Market a fat, greasy, grinning peasant promised to take me in his cart +as far as the little town of Farum, where I was to stay with the +schoolmaster. He charged two dalers, and got them. Any sum, of course, +was the same to me. I was allowed to drive the brown horses, that is to +say, to hold the reins, and I was in high glee. Where Farum was, I did +not know and did not care, but it was a new world. Until now I, who was +a town child, had seen nothing of the country except my nurse's house +and land at Glostrup,--but what lay in front of me was a village, a +schoolhouse, a large farm, in short an adventure in grand style. + +I had my shirts and blouses and stockings in a portmanteau, and amongst +them a magnificent garment, never yet worn, a blue cloth jacket, and a +white waistcoat belonging to it, with gold buttons, which my mother had +given me permission to wear on Sundays. For days, I always wore +blouses, so the jacket implied a great step forward. I was eager to +wear it, and regretted profoundly that it was still only Monday. + +Half-way there, the peasant pulled up. He explained to me that he could +not very well drive me any farther, so must put me down; he was not +going to Farum himself at all. But a peat cart was coming along the +road yonder, the driver of which was going to Farum, and he transferred +me, poor defenceless child as I was, to the other conveyance. He had +had my money; I had nothing to give the second man, and sadly I +exchanged the quick trot of the brown horses for the walking pace of +the jades in the peat-cart. + +My first experience of man's perfidy. + +At last I was there. On a high, wide hill--high and wide as it seemed +to me then--towered the huge schoolhouse, a miniature Christiansborg +Castle, with the schoolmaster's apartments on the right and the +schoolroom on the left. And the schoolmaster came out smiling, holding +a pipe which was a good deal taller than I, held out his hand, and +asked me to come in, gave me coffee at once, and expressed the +profoundest contempt for the peasant who had charged two rigsdaler for +such a trifle, and then left me in the road. I asked at once for pen +and paper, and wrote in cipher to a comrade, with whom I had concocted +this mysterious means of communication, asking him to tell my parents +that I had been most kindly received. I felt a kind of shyness at the +schoolmaster seeing what I wrote home from his house. I gave him the +sheet, and begged him to fold it up, as I could not do it myself. There +were no envelopes in those days. But what was my surprise to hear him, +without further ado, read aloud with a smile, from my manufactured +cipher: "I have been most kindly received," etc. I had never thought +such keen-wittedness possible. And my respect for him and his long pipe +rose. + +Just then there was a light knock at the door. In walked two girls, one +tall and one short, the former of whom positively bewildered me. She +was fair, her sister as dark as a negro. They were ten and eight years +old respectively, were named Henrietta and Nina K., came from Brazil, +where their home was, and were to spend a few years in Denmark; came as +a rule every day, but had now arrived specially to inspect the strange +boy. After gazing for two minutes at the lovely Henrietta's fair hair +and wonderful grey eyes, I disappeared from the room, and five minutes +afterwards reappeared again, clothed in the dark-blue jacket and the +white waistcoat with gold buttons, which I had been strictly forbidden +to wear except on Sundays. And from that time forth, sinner that I was, +I wore my Sunday clothes every blessed day,--but with what qualms of +conscience! + +I can still see lovely fields, rich in corn, along the sides of which +we played; we chased beautiful, gaudy butterflies, which we caught in +our hats and cruelly stuck on pins, and the little girls threw oats at +my new clothes, and if the oats stuck fast it meant something, +sweethearts, I believe. Sweethearts--and I! + +Then we were invited to the manor, a big, stately house, a veritable +castle. There lived an old, and exceedingly handsome, white-haired +Chamberlain, called the General, who frequently dined with Frederik +VII, and invariably brought us children goodies from dessert, lovely +large pieces of barley sugar in papers with gay pictures on the outside +of shepherd lovers, and crackers with long paper fringes. His youngest +son, who owned a collection of insects and many other fine things, +became my sworn friend, which means that I was his, for he did not care +in the least about me; but I did not notice that, and I was happy and +proud of his friendship and sailed with him and lots of other boys and +girls on the pretty Farum lake, and every day was more convinced that I +was quite a man. It was a century since I had worn blouses. + +Every morning I took all the newspapers to Dr. Dörr, the German tutor +at the castle, and every morning I accidentally met Henrietta, and +after that we were hardly separated all day. I had no name for the +admiration that attached me to her. I knew she was lovely, that was +all. We were anxious to read something together, and so read the whole +of a translation of _Don Quixote_, sitting cheek against cheek in the +summer-house. Of course, we did not understand one-half of it, and I +remember that we tried in vain to get an explanation of the frequently +recurring word "doxy"; but we laughed till we cried at what we did +understand. And after all, it is this first reading of _Don Quixote_ +which has dominated all my subsequent attempts to understand the book. + +But Henrietta had ways that I did not understand in the least; she used +to amuse herself by little machinations, was inventive and intriguing. +One day she demanded that I should play the school children, small, +white-haired boys and girls, all of whom we had long learnt to know, a +downright trick. I was to write a real love-letter to a nine-year-old +little girl named Ingeborg, from an eleven or twelve-year-old boy +called Per, and then Henrietta would sew a fragrant little wreath of +flowers round it. The letter was completed and delivered. But the only +result of it was that next day, as I was walking along the high road +with Henrietta, Per separated himself from his companions, called me a +dandy from Copenhagen, and asked me if I would fight. There was, of +course, no question of drawing back, but I remember very plainly that I +was a little aghast, for he was much taller and broader than I, and I +had, into the bargain, a very bad cause to defend. But we had hardly +exchanged the first tentative blows before I felt overwhelmingly +superior. The poor cub! He had not the slightest notion how to fight. +From my everyday school life in Copenhagen, I knew hundreds of tricks +and feints that he had never learnt, and as soon as I perceived this I +flung him into the ditch like a glove. He sprang up again, but, with +lofty indifference, I threw him a second time, till his head buzzed. +That satisfied me that I had not been shamed before Henrietta, who, for +that matter, took my exploit very coolly and did not fling me so much +as a word for it. However, she asked me if I would meet her the same +evening under the old May-tree. When we met, she had two long straps +with her, and at once asked me, somewhat mockingly and dryly, whether I +had the courage to let myself be bound. Of course I said I had, +whereupon, very carefully and thoroughly, she fastened my hands +together with the one strap. Could I move my arms? No. Then, with eager +haste, she swung the other strap and let it fall on my back. Again and +again. + +My first smart jacket was a well-thrashed one. She thoroughly enjoyed +exerting her strength. Naturally, my boyish ideas of honour would not +permit me to scream or complain; I merely stared at her with the +profoundest astonishment. She gave me no explanation, released my +hands, we each went our own way, and I avoided her the rest of my stay. + +This was my first experience of woman's perfidy. + +Still, I did not bear a grudge long, and the evening before I left we +met once again, at her request, and then she gave me the first and only +kiss, neither of us saying anything but the one word, "Good-bye." + +I have never seen her since. I heard that she died twenty years ago in +Brazil. But two years after this, when I was feeling my first schoolboy +affection for an eleven-year-old girl, she silenced me at a children's +ball with the scoffing remark: "Ah! it was you who let Henrietta K. +thrash you under the May-tree at Farum." Yes, it was I. So cruel had my +fair lady been that she had not even denied herself the pleasure of +telling her friends of the ignominious treatment to which she had +subjected a comrade who, from pure feeling of honour, had not struck +back. + +This was my first real experience of feminine nature. + + +VII. + +For nearly ten years I went to one and the same school. I came to know +the way there and back, to and from the three different places, all +near together, where my parents lived during the time, as I knew no +other. In that part of the town, all about the Round Tower, I knew, not +only every house, but every archway, every door, every window, every +Paving-stone. It all gradually imprinted itself so deeply upon me that +in after years, when gazing on foreign sights and foreign towns, even +after I had been living for a long time in the same place, I had a +curious feeling that, however beautiful and fascinating it all might +be, or perhaps for that very reason, it was dreamland, unreality, which +would one day elude me and vanish; reality was the Round Tower in +Copenhagen and all that lay about it. It was ugly, and altogether +unattractive, but it was reality. That you always found again. + +Similarly, though in a somewhat different sense, the wooded landscape +in the neighbourhood of Copenhagen, to be exact, the view over the +Hermitage Meadows down to the Sound, as it appears from the bench +opposite the Slesvig Stone, the first and dearest type of landscape +beauty with which I became acquainted, was endowed to me with an +imprint of actuality which no other landscape since, be it never so +lovely or never so imposing, has ever been able to acquire. + + +VIII. + +The instruction at school was out of date, inasmuch as, in every +branch, it lacked intelligibility. The masters were also necessarily, +in some instances, anything but perfect, even when not lacking in +knowledge of their subject. Nevertheless, the instruction as a whole, +especially when one bears in mind how cheap it was, must be termed +good, careful and comprehensive; as a rule it was given +conscientiously. When as a grown up man I have cast my thoughts back, +what has surprised me most is the variety of subjects that were +instilled into a boy in ten years. There certainly were teachers so +lacking in understanding of the proper way to communicate knowledge +that the instruction they gave was altogether wasted. For instance, I +learnt geometry for four or five years without grasping the simplest +elements of the science. The principles of it remained so foreign to me +that I did not even recognise a right-angled triangle, if the right +angle were uppermost. It so happened that the year before I had to sit +for my examinations, a young University student in his first year, who +had been only one class in front of the rest of us, offered us +afternoon instruction in trigonometry and spherical geometry gratis, +and all who appreciated the help that was being offered to them +streamed to his lessons. This young student, later Pastor Jörgen Lund, +had a remarkable gift for mathematics, and gave his instruction with a +lucidity, a fire, and a swing that carried his hearers with him. I, who +had never before been able to understand a word of the subject, became +keenly interested in it, and before many lessons were over was very +well up in it. As Jörgen Lund taught mathematics, so all the other +subjects ought to have been taught. We were obliged to be content with +less. + +Lessons might have been a pleasure. They never were, or rather, only +the Danish ones. But in childhood's years, and during the first years +of boyhood they were fertilising. As a boy they hung over me like a +dread compulsion; yet the compulsion was beneficial. It was only when I +was almost fourteen that I began inwardly to rebel against the time +which was wasted, that the stupidest and laziest of the boys might be +enabled to keep up with the industrious and intelligent. There was too +much consideration shown towards those who would not work or could not +understand. And from the time I was sixteen, school was my despair. I +had done with it all, was beyond it all, was too matured to submit to +the routine of lessons; my intellectual pulses no longer beat within +the limits of school. What absorbed my interest was the endeavour to +become master of the Danish language in prose and verse, and musings +over the mystery of existence. In school I most often threw up the +sponge entirely, and laid my head on my arms that I might neither see +nor hear what was going on around me. + +There was another reason, besides my weariness of it all, which at this +latter period made my school-going a torture to me. I was by now +sufficiently schooled for my sensible mother to think it would be good +for me to make, if it were but a small beginning, towards earning my +own living. Or rather, she wanted me to earn enough to pay for my +amusements myself. So I tried, with success, to find pupils, and gave +them lessons chiefly on Sunday mornings; but in order to secure them I +had called myself _Studiosus_. Now it was an ever present terror with +me lest I should meet any of my pupils as I went to school in the +morning, or back at midday, with my books in a strap under my arm. Not +to betray myself, I used to stuff these books in the most extraordinary +places, inside the breast of my coat till it bulged, and in all my +pockets till they burst. + + +IX. + +School is a foretaste of life. A boy in a large Copenhagen school would +become acquainted, as it were in miniature, with Society in its +entirety and with every description of human character. I encountered +among my comrades the most varied human traits, from frankness to +reserve, from goodness, uprightness and kindness, to brutality and +baseness. + +In our quarter of an hour's playtime it was easy to see how cowardice +and meanness met with their reward in the boy commonwealth. There was a +Jewish boy of repulsive appearance, very easy to cow, with a positively +slavish disposition. Every single playtime his schoolfellows would make +him stand up against a wall and jump about with his feet close together +till playtime was over, while the others stood in front of him and +laughed at him. He became later a highly respected Conservative +journalist. + +In lesson time it was easy to see that the equality under one +discipline, under the hierarchy of merit, which was expressed in the +boys' places on the forms, from highest to lowest, was not maintained +when opposed to the very different hierarchy of Society. On the lowest +form sat a boy whose gifts were exceedingly mediocre, and who was +ignorant, moreover, from sheer laziness; to him were permitted things +forbidden to all the others: he was the heir of a large feudal barony. +He always came late to school, and even at that rode in followed by a +groom on a second horse. He wore a silk hat and, when he came into the +schoolroom, did not hang it up on the peg that belonged to him, where +he was afraid it might be interfered with, but in the school cupboard, +in which only the master was supposed to keep his things; and the tall +hat crowning so noble a head impressed the masters to such an extent +that not one of them asked for it to be removed. And they acquiesced +like lambs in the young lord's departure half-way through the last +lesson, if the groom happened to be there with his horse to fetch him. + +It seemed impossible to drive knowledge of any sort into the head of +this young peer, and he was taken from school early. To what an extent +he must have worked later to make up for lost time was proved by +results. For he became nothing less than a Minister. + + +X. + +The reverence with which the boys, as youngsters, had looked up to the +masters, disappeared with striking rapidity. The few teachers in whose +lessons you could do what you liked were despised. The masters who knew +how to make themselves respected, only in exceptional cases inspired +affection. The love of mockery soon broke out. Children had not been at +school long before the only opinion they allowed scope to was that the +masters were the natural enemies of the boys. There was war between +them, and every stratagem was permissible. They were fooled, misled, +and plagued in every conceivable manner. Or they were feared and we +flattered them. + +A little boy with a natural inclination to reverence and respect and +who brought both industry and good-will to his work, felt confused by +all the derogatory things he was constantly hearing about the masters, +and, long before he was half grown up, formed as one result of it the +fixed determination that, whatever he might be when he grew up, there +was one thing he would never, under any circumstances be, and that +was--master in a school. + +From twelve years of age upwards, contempt for the masters was the +keynote of all conversation about them. The Latin master, a little, +insignificant-looking man, but a very good teacher, was said to be so +disgracefully enfeebled by debauchery that an active boy could throw +him without the least difficulty. The Natural History master, a clever, +outspoken young man, who would call out gaily: "Silence there, or +you'll get a dusting on the teapot that will make the spout fly off!" +sank deeply in our estimation when one of the boys told us that he +spent his evenings at music-halls. One morning there spread like +wildfire through the class the report that the reason the Natural +History master had not come that day was because he had got mixed up +the night before in a fight outside a music-pavilion. The contempt and +the ridicule that were heaped upon him in the conversation of the boys +were immeasurable. When he came next morning with a black, extravasated +eye, which he bathed at intervals with a rag, he was regarded by most +of us as absolute scum. The German master, a tall, good-looking man, +was treated as utterly incompetent because, when he asked a question in +grammar or syntax, he walked up and down with the book in front of him, +and quite plainly compared the answer with the book. We boys thought +that anyone could be a master, with a book in his hand. History and +Geography were taught by an old man, overflowing with good-humour, +loquacious, but self-confident, liked for his amiability, but despised +for what was deemed unmanliness in him. The boys pulled faces at him, +and imitated his expressions and mannerisms. + +The Danish master, Professor H.P. Holst, was not liked. He evidently +took no interest in his scholastic labours, and did not like the boys. +His coolness was returned. And yet, that which was the sole aim and +object of his instruction he understood to perfection, and drilled into +us well. The unfortunate part of it was that there was hardly more than +one boy in the class who enjoyed learning anything about just that +particular thing. Instruction in Danish was, for Holst, instruction in +the metrical art. He explained every metre and taught the boys to pick +out the feet of which the verses were composed. When we made fun of him +in our playtime, it was for remarks which we had invented and placed in +his mouth ourselves; for instance: "Scan my immortal poem, _The Dying +Gladiator_." The reason of this was simply that, in elucidation of the +composition of the antique distich, he made use of his own poem of the +above name, which he had included in a Danish reading-book edited by +himself. As soon as he took up his position in the desk, he began: + +"Hark ye the--storm of ap--plause from the--theatre's--echoing circle! +Go on, Möller!" + +How could he find it in his heart, his own poem! + + +XI. + +The French master knew how to command respect; there was never a sound +during his lessons. He was altogether absorbed in his subject, was +absolutely and wholly a Frenchman; he did not even talk Danish with the +same accentuation as others, and he had the impetuous French +disposition of which the boys had heard. If a boy made a mess of his +pronunciation, he would bawl, from the depths of his full brown beard, +which he was fond of stroking: "You speak French _comme un paysan +d'Amac_." When he swore, he swore like a true Frenchman: +_"Sacrebleu-Mops-Carot-ten-Rapée!"_ [Footnote: Needless to say, this is +impossible French, composed chiefly of distorted Danish words. +(Trans.)] If he got angry, and he very often did, he would +unhesitatingly pick up the full glass of water that always stood in +front of him on the desk, and in Gallic exasperation fling it on the +floor, when the glass would be smashed to atoms and the water run +about, whereupon he would quietly, with his _Grand seigneur_ air, take +his purse out of his pocket and lay the money for the glass on the desk. + +For a time I based my ideas of the French mind and manner upon this +master, although my uncle Jacob, who had lived almost all his life in +Paris, was a very different sort of Frenchman. It was only later that I +became acquainted with a word and an idea which it was well I did not +know, as far as the master's capacity for making an impression was +concerned--the word _affected_. + +At last, one fine day, a little event occurred which was not without +its effect on the master's prestige, and yet aroused my compassion +almost as much as my surprise. The parents of one of my best friends +were expecting a French business friend for the evening. As they knew +themselves to be very weak in the language, they gave their son a +polite note to the French master, asking him to do them the honour of +spending the next evening at their house, on the occasion of this +visit, which rendered conversational support desirable. The master took +the note, which we two boys had handed to him, grew--superior though he +usually was--rather red and embarrassed, and promised a written reply. +To our astonishment we learnt that this reply was to the effect that he +must unfortunately decline the honour, as he had never been in France, +had never heard anyone speak French, and was not proficient in the +language. Thus this tiger of a savage Frenchman suddenly cast his +tiger's skin and revealed himself in his native wool. + +Unfortunately, the instruction of this master left long and deep traces +upon me. When I was fifteen and my French uncle began to carry on his +conversations with me in French, the Parisian was appalled at my +abominable errors of pronunciation. The worst of them were weeded out +in those lessons. But there were enough left to bring a smile many a +time and oft to the lips of the refined young lady whom my friends +procured me as a teacher on my first visit to Paris. + + +XII. + +Among the delights of Summer were picnics to the woods. There would be +several during the course of the season. When the weather seemed to +inspire confidence, a few phaetons would be engaged for the family and +their relations and friends, and some Sunday morning the seat of each +carriage would be packed full of good things. We took tablecloth and +serviettes with us, bread, butter, eggs and salmon, sausages, cold meat +and coffee, as well as a few bottles of wine. Then we drove to some +keeper's house, where for money and fair words they scalded the tea for +us, and the day's meal was seasoned with the good appetite which the +outdoor air gave us. + +As a child I preserved an uncomfortable and instructive recollection of +one of these expeditions. The next day my mother said to me: "You +behaved very ridiculously yesterday, and made a laughing stock of +yourself." "How?" "You went on in front of the grown-up people all the +time, and sang at the top of your voice. In the first place, you ought +not to go in front, and in the next place, you should not disturb other +people by singing." These words made an indelible impression upon me, +for I was conscious that I had not in the least intended to push myself +forward or put on airs. I could only dimly recollect that I had been +singing, and I had done it for my own pleasure, not to draw attention +to myself. + +I learnt from this experience that it was possible, without being +naughty or conceited, to behave in an unpleasing manner, understood +that the others, whom I had not been thinking about, had looked on me +with disfavour, had thought me a nuisance and ridiculous, my mother in +particular; and I was deeply humiliated at the thought. + +It gradually dawned upon me that there was no one more difficult to +please than my mother. No one was more chary of praise than she, and +she had a horror of all sentimentality. She met me with superior +intelligence, corrected me, and brought me up by means of satire. It +was possible to impress my aunts, but not her. The profound dread she +had of betraying her feelings or talking about them, the shrewdness +that dwelt behind that forehead of hers, her consistently critical and +clear-sighted nature, the mocking spirit that was so conspicuous in +her, especially in her younger days, gave me, with regard to her, a +conviction that had a stimulating effect on my character--namely, that +not only had she a mother's affection for me, but that the two shrewd +and scrutinising eyes of a very clever head were looking down upon me. +Rational as she was through and through, she met my visionary +inclinations, both religious and philosophical, with unshaken common +sense, and if I were sometimes tempted, by lesser people's +over-estimating of my abilities, to over-estimate them myself, it was +she who, with inflexible firmness, urged her conviction of the +limitations of my nature. None of my weaknesses throve in my mother's +neighbourhood. + +This was the reason why, during the transitional years between boyhood +and adolescence, the years in which a boy feels a greater need of +sympathy than of criticism and of indulgence than of superiority, I +looked for and found comprehension as much from a somewhat younger +sister of my mother's as from the latter herself. This aunt was all +heart. She had an ardent, enthusiastic brain, was full of tenderness +and goodness and the keenest feeling for everything deserving of +sympathy, not least for me, while she had not my mother's critical +understanding. Her judgment might be obscured by passion; she sometimes +allowed herself to be carried to imprudent extremes; she had neither +Mother's equilibrium nor her satirical qualities. She was thus +admirably adapted to be the confidant of a big boy whom she gave to +understand that she regarded as extraordinarily gifted. When these +transitional years were over, Mother resumed undisputed sway, and the +relations between us remained in all essentials the same, even after I +had become much her superior in knowledge and she in some things my +pupil. So that it affected me very much when, many years after, my +younger brother said to me somewhat sadly: "Has it struck you, too, +that Mother is getting old?" "No, not at all," I replied. "What do you +think a sign of it?" "I think, God help me, that she is beginning to +admire us." + + +XIII. + +My mind, like that of all other children, had been exercised by the +great problem of the mystery of our coming into the world. I was no +longer satisfied with the explanation that children were brought by the +stork, or with that other, advanced with greater seriousness, that they +drifted up in boxes, which were taken up out of Peblinge Lake. As a +child I tormented my mother with questions as to how you could tell +whom every box was for. That the boxes were numbered, did not make +things much clearer. That they were provided with addresses, sounded +very strange. Who had written the addresses? I then had to be content +with the assurance that it was a thing that I was too small to +understand; it should be explained to me when I was older. + +My thoughts were not directed towards the other sex. I had no little +girl playfellows, and as I had no sister, knew very few. When I was +eight or nine years old, it is true, there was one rough and altogether +depraved boy whose talk touched upon the sexual question in expressions +that were coarse and in a spirit coarser still. I was scoffed at for +not knowing how animals propagated themselves, and that human beings +propagated themselves like animals. + +I replied: "My parents, at any rate, never behaved in any such manner." +Then, with the effrontery of childhood, my schoolfellows went on to the +most shameless revelations, not only about a morbid development of +natural instincts, but actual crimes against nature and against the +elementary laws of society. In other words, I was shown the most +repulsive, most agitating picture of everything touching the relations +of the sexes and the propagation of the species. + +It is probable that most boys in a big school have the great mystery of +Nature sullied for them in their tender years by coarseness and +depravity. Whereas, in ancient Greek times, the mystery was holy, and +with a pious mind men worshipped the Force of Nature without +exaggerated prudery and without shamelessness, such conditions are +impossible in a society where for a thousand years Nature herself has +been depreciated by Religion, associated with sin and the Devil, +stamped as unmentionable and in preference denied, in which, for that +very reason, brutality takes so much more terrible a satisfaction and +revenge. As grown-up people never spoke of the forces of Nature in a +pure and simple manner, it became to the children a concealed thing. +Individual children, in whom the sexual impulse had awakened early, +were taught its nature by bestial dispositions, and the knowledge was +interpreted by them with childish shamelessness. These children then +filled the ears of their comrades with filth. + +In my case, the nastiness hit, and rebounded, without making any +impression. I was only infected by the tone of the other scholars in so +far as I learnt from them that it was manly to use certain ugly words. +When I was twelve years old, my mother surprised me one day, when I was +standing alone on the stairs, shouting these words out. I was reproved +for it, and did not do it again. + + +XIV. + +I hardly ever met little girls except at children's balls, and in my +early childhood I did not think further of any of them. But when I was +twelve years old I caught my first strong glimpse of one of the +fundamental forces of existence, whose votary I was destined to be for +life--namely, Beauty. + +It was revealed to me for the first time in the person of a slender, +light-footed little girl, whose name and personality secretly haunted +my brain for many a year. + +One of my uncles was living that Summer in America Road, which at that +time was quite in the country, and there was a beautiful walk thence +across the fields to a spot called _The Signal_, where you could watch +the trains go by from Copenhagen's oldest railway station, which was +not situated on the western side of the town, where the present +stations are. Near here lived a family whose youngest daughter used to +run over almost every day to my uncle's country home, to play with the +children. + +She was ten years old, as brown as a gipsy, as agile as a roe, and from +her childish face, from all the brown of her hair, eyes, and skin, from +her smile and her speech, glowed, rang, and as it were, struck me, that +overwhelming and hitherto unknown force, Beauty. I was twelve, she was +ten. Our acquaintance consisted of playing touch, not even alone +together, but with other children; I can see her now rushing away from +me, her long plaits striking against her waist. But although this was +all that passed between us, we both had a feeling as of a mysterious +link connecting us. It was delightful to meet. She gave me a pink. She +cut a Queen of Hearts out of a pack of cards, and gave it to me; I +treasured it for the next five years like a sacred thing. + +That was all that passed between us and more there never was, even when +at twelve years of age, at a children's ball, she confessed to me that +she had kept everything I had given her--gifts of the same order as her +own. But the impression of her beauty filled my being. + +Some one had made me a present of some stuffed humming-birds, perched +on varnished twigs under a glass case. I always looked at them while I +was reading in the nursery; they stood on the bookshelves which were my +special property. These birds with their lovely, shining, gay-coloured +plumage, conveyed to me my first impression of foreign or tropical +vividness of colouring. All that I was destined to love for a long time +had something of that about it, something foreign and afar off. + +The girl was Danish as far as her speech was concerned, but not really +Danish by descent, either on her father or her mother's side; her name, +too, was un-Danish. She spoke English at home and was called Mary at my +uncle's, though her parents called her by another name. All this +combined to render her more distinctive. + +Once a year I met her at a children's ball; then she had a white dress +on, and was, in my eyes, essentially different from all the other +little girls. One morning, after one of these balls, when I was +fourteen, I felt in a most singular frame of mind, and with wonder and +reverence at what I was about to do, regarding myself as dominated by a +higher, incomprehensible force, I wrote the first poetry I ever +composed. + +There were several strophes of this heavenly poetry. Just because I so +seldom met her, it was like a gentle earthquake in my life, when I did. +I had accustomed myself to such a worship of her name that, for me, she +hardly belonged to the world of reality at all. But when I was sixteen +and I met her again, once more at a young people's ball, the glamour +suddenly departed. Her appearance had altered and corresponded no +longer to my imaginary picture of her. When we met in the dance she +pressed my hand, which made me indignant, as though it were an immodest +thing. She was no longer a fairy. She had broad shoulders, a budding +bust, warm hands; there was youthful coquetry about her--something +that, to me, seemed like erotic experience. I soon lost sight of her. +But I retained a sentiment of gratitude towards her for what, as a +ten-year-old child, she had afforded me, this naturally supernatural +impression, my first revelation of Beauty. + + +XV. + +The person upon whom the schoolboys' attention centred was, of course, +the Headmaster. To the very young ones, the Headmaster was merely +powerful and paternal, up above everything. As soon as the critical +instinct awoke, its utterances were specially directed, by the +evil-disposed, at him, petty and malicious as they were, and were +echoed slavishly by the rest. + +As the Head was a powerful, stout, handsome, distinguished-looking man +with a certain stamp of joviality and innocent good-living about him, +these malicious tongues, who led the rest, declared that he only lived +for his stomach. In the next place, the old-fashioned punishment of +caning, administered by the Head himself in his private room, gave some +cause of offence. It was certainly only very lazy and obdurate boys who +were thus punished; for others such methods were never even dreamt of. +But when they were ordered to appear in his room after school-time, and +the Head took them between his knees, thrashed them well and then +afterwards caressed them, as though to console them, he created +ill-feeling, and his dignity suffered. If there were some little sense +in the disgust occasioned by this, there was certainly none at all in +certain other grievances urged against him. + +It was the ungraceful custom for the boys, on the first of the month, +to bring their own school fees. In the middle of one of the lessons the +Head would come into the schoolroom, take his seat at the desk, and +jauntily and quickly sweep five-daler bills [Footnote: Five daler, a +little over 11/--English money.] into his large, soft hat and thence +into his pockets. One objection to this arrangement was that the few +poor boys who went to school free were thus singled out to their +schoolfellows, bringing no money, which they felt as a humiliation. In +the next place, the sight of the supposed wealth that the Head thus +became possessed of roused ill-feeling and derision. It became the +fashion to call him boy-dealer, because the school, which in its palmy +days had 550 scholars, was so well attended. This extraordinary influx, +which in all common sense ought to have been regarded as a proof of the +high reputation of the school, was considered a proof of the Head's +avarice. + +It must be added that there was in his bearing, which was evidently and +with good reason, calculated to impress, something that might justly +appear unnatural to keen-sighted boys. He always arrived with +blustering suddenness; he always shouted in a stentorian voice, and, +when he gave the elder boys a Latin lesson, he always appeared, +probably from indolence, a good deal behind time, but to make up, and +as though there were not a second to waste, began to hurl his questions +at them the moment he arrived on the threshold. He liked the pathetic, +and was certainly a man with a naturally warm heart. On a closer +acquaintance, he would have won much affection, for he was a clever man +and a gay, optimistic figure. As the number of his scholars was so +great, he produced more effect at a distance. + + +XVI. + +Neither he nor any of the other masters reproduced the atmosphere of +the classical antiquity round which all the instruction of the Latin +side centred. The master who taught Greek the last few years did so, +not only with sternness, but with a distaste, in fact, a positive +hatred for his class, which was simply disgusting. + +The Head, who had the gift of oratory, communicated to us some idea of +the beauty of Latin poetry, but the rest of the instruction in the dead +languages was purely grammatical, competent and conscientious though +the men who gave it might have been. Madvig's [Translator's note: Johan +Nicolai Madvig (1804-1886), a very celebrated Danish philologist, for +fifty years professor at the University of Copenhagen. He is especially +noted for his editions of the ancient classics, with critical notes on +the text, and for his Latin Grammar.] spirit brooded over the school. +Still, there was no doubt in the Head's mind as to the greatness of +Virgil or Horace, so that a boy with perception of stylistic emphasis +and metre could not fail to be keenly interested in the poetry of these +two men. Being the boy in the class of whom the Head entertained the +greatest hopes, I began at once secretly to translate them. I made a +Danish version of the second and fourth books of the Aeneid Danicised a +good part of the Songs and Epistles of Horace in imperfect verse. + + +XVII. + +Nothing was ever said at home about any religious creed. Neither of my +parents was in any way associated with the Jewish religion, and neither +of them ever went to the Synagogue. As in my maternal grandmother's +house all the Jewish laws about eating and drinking were observed, and +they had different plates and dishes for meat and butter and a special +service for Easter, orthodox Judaism, to me, seemed to be a collection +of old, whimsical, superstitious prejudices, which specially applied to +food. The poetry of it was a sealed book to me. At school, where I was +present at the religious instruction classes as an auditor only, I +always heard Judaism alluded to as merely a preliminary stage of +Christianity, and the Jews as the remnant of a people who, as a +punishment for slaying the Saviour of the world, had been scattered all +over the earth. The present-day Israelites were represented as people +who, urged by a stiff-necked wilfulness and obstinacy and almost +incomprehensible callousness, clung to the obsolete religious ideal of +the stern God in opposition to the God of Love. + +When I attempted to think the matter out for myself, it annoyed me that +the Jews had not sided with Jesus, who yet so clearly betokened +progress within the religion that He widened and unintentionally +overthrew. The supernatural personality of Jesus did not seem credible +to me. The demand made by faith, namely, that reason should be +fettered, awakened a latent rebellious opposition, and this opposition +was fostered by my mother's steady rationalism, her unconditional +rejection of every miracle. When the time came for me to be confirmed, +in accordance with the law, I had advanced so far that I looked down on +what lay before me as a mere burdensome ceremony. The person of the +Rabbi only inspired me with distaste; his German pronunciation of +Danish was repulsive and ridiculous to me. The abominable Danish in +which the lesson-book was couched offended me, as I had naturally a +fine ear for Danish. Information about ancient Jewish customs and +festivals was of no interest to me, with my modern upbringing. The +confirmation, according to my mocking summary of the impression +produced by it, consisted mainly in the hiring of a tall silk hat from +the hat-maker, and the sending of it back next day, sanctified. The +silly custom was at that time prevalent for boys to wear silk hats for +the occasion, idiotic though they made them look. With these on their +heads, they went, after examination, up the steps to a balustrade where +a priest awaited, whispered a few affecting words in their ear about +their parents or grandparents, and laid his hand in blessing upon the +tall hat. When called upon to make my confession of faith with the +others, I certainly joined my first "yes," this touching a belief in a +God, to theirs, but remained silent at the question as to whether I +believed that God had revealed Himself to Moses and spoken by His +prophets. I did not believe it. + +I was, for that matter, in a wavering frame of mind unable to arrive at +any clear understanding. What confused me was the unveracious manner in +which historical instruction, which was wholly theological, was given. +The History masters, for instance, told us that when Julian the +Apostate wanted to rebuild the Temple at Jerusalem, flames had shot out +of the earth, but they interpreted this as a miracle, expressing the +Divine will. If this were true--and I was unable to refute it then--God +had expressly taken part against Judaism and the Jews as a nation. The +nation, in that case, seemed to be really cursed by Him. Still, +Christianity fundamentally repelled me by its legends, its dogmatism, +and its church rites. The Virgin birth, the three persons in the +Trinity, and the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper in particular, seemed +to me to be remnants of the basest barbarism of antiquity. + +Under these circumstances, my young soul, feeling the need of something +it could worship, fled from Asia's to Europe's divinities, from +Palestine to Hellas, and clung with vivid enthusiasm to the Greek world +of beauty and the legends of its Gods. From all the learned education I +had had, I only extracted this one thing: an enthusiasm for ancient +Hellas and her Gods; they were my Gods, as they had been those of +Julian. Apollo and Artemis, Athene and Eros and Aphrodite grew to be +powers that I believed in and rejoiced over in a very different sense +from any God revealed on Sinai or in Emmaus. They were near to me. + +And under these circumstances the Antiquities Room at Charlottenburg, +where as a boy I had heard Höyen's lectures, grew to be a place that I +entered with reverence, and Thorwaldsen's Museum my Temple, imperfectly +though it reproduced the religious and heroic life and spirit of the +Greeks. But at that time I knew no other, better door to the world of +the Gods than the Museum offered, and Thorwaldsen and the Greeks, from +fourteen to fifteen, were in my mind merged in one. Thorwaldsen's +Museum was to me a brilliant illustration of Homer. There I found my +Church, my Gods, my soul's true native land. + + +XVIII. + +I had for several years been top of my class, when a boy was put in who +was quite three years older than I, and with whom it was impossible for +me to compete, so much greater were the newcomer's knowledge and +maturity. It very soon became a settled thing for the new boy always to +be top, and I invariably No. 2. However, this was not in the least +vexatious to me; I was too much wrapped up in Sebastian for that. The +admiration which as a child I had felt for boys who distinguished +themselves by muscular strength was manifested now for superiority in +knowledge or intelligence. Sebastian was tall, thin, somewhat +disjointed in build, with large blue eyes, expressive of kindness, and +intelligence; he was thoroughly well up in all the school subjects, and +with the ripeness of the older boy, could infer the right thing even +when he did not positively know it. The reason why he was placed at +lessons so late was doubtless to be found in the narrow circumstances +of his parents. They considered that they had not the means to allow +him to follow the path towards which his talents pointed. But the Head, +as could be seen on pay days, was now permitting him to come to school +free. He went about among his jacketed schoolfellows in a long frock +coat, the skirts of which flapped round his legs. + +No. 2 could not help admiring No. 1 for the confidence with which he +disported himself among the Greek aorists, in the labyrinths of which I +myself often went astray, and for the knack he had of solving +mathematical problems. He was, moreover, very widely read in belles +lettres, and had almost a grown-up man's taste with regard to books at +a time when I still continued to admire P.P.'s [Footnote: P.P. was a +writer whose real name was Rumohr. He wrote a number of historical +novels of a patriotic type, but which are only read by children up to +14.] novels, and was incapable of detecting the inartistic quality and +unreality of his popular descriptions of the exploits of sailor heroes. +As soon as my eyes were opened to the other's advanced acquirements, I +opened my heart to him, gave him my entire confidence, and found in my +friend a well of knowledge and superior development from which I felt a +daily need to draw. + +When at the end of the year the large number of newcomers made it +desirable for the class to be divided, it was a positive blow to me +that in the division, which was effected by separating the scholars +according to their numbers, odd or even, Sebastian and I found +ourselves in different classes. I even took the unusual step of +appealing to the Head to be put in the same class as Sebastian, but was +refused. + +However, childhood so easily adapts itself to a fresh situation that +during the ensuing year, in which I myself advanced right gaily, not +only did I feel no lack, but I forgot my elder comrade. And at the +commencement of the next school year, when the two parallel classes, +through several boys leaving, were once more united, and I again found +myself No. 2 by the side of my one-time friend, the relations between +us were altogether altered, so thoroughly so, in fact, that our rôles +were reversed. If formerly the younger had hung upon the elder's words, +now it was the other way about. If formerly Sebastian had shown the +interest in me that the half-grown man feels for a child, now I was too +absorbed by my own interests to wish for anything but a listener in him +when I unfolded the supposed wealth of my ideas and my soaring plans +for the future, which betrayed a boundless ambition. I needed a friend +at this stage only in the same sense as the hero in French tragedies +requires a confidant, and if I attached myself as before, wholly and +completely to him, it was for this reason. It is true that the other +was still a good deal in front of me in actual knowledge, so that there +was much I had to consult him about; otherwise our friendship would +hardly have lasted; but the importance of this superiority was slight, +inasmuch as Sebastian henceforward voluntarily subordinated himself to +me altogether; indeed, by his ready recognition of my powers, +contributed more than anyone else to make me conscious of these powers +and to foster a self-esteem which gradually assumed extraordinary forms. + + +XIX. + +This self-esteem, in its immaturity, was of a twofold character. It was +not primarily a belief that I was endowed with unusual abilities, but a +childish belief that I was one set apart, with whom, for mysterious +reasons, everything must succeed. The belief in a personal God had +gradually faded away from me, and there were times when, with the +conviction of boyhood, I termed myself an atheist to my friend; my +attitude towards the Greek gods had never been anything more than a +personification of the ideal forces upon which I heaped my enthusiasm. +But I believed in my star. And I hypnotised my friend into the same +belief, infected him so that he talked as if he were consecrating his +life to my service, and really, as far as was possible for a schoolboy, +lived and breathed exclusively for me, I, for my part, being gratified +at having, as my unreserved admirer and believer, the one whom, of all +people I knew, I placed highest, the one whose horizon seemed to me the +widest, and whose store of knowledge was the greatest; for in many +subjects it surpassed even that of the masters in no mean degree. + +Under such conditions, when I was fifteen or sixteen, I was deeply +impressed by a book that one might think was infinitely beyond the +understanding of my years, Lermontof's _A Hero of Our Time_, in Xavier +Marmier's French translation. The subject of it would seem utterly +unsuited to a schoolboy who had never experienced anything in the +remotest degree resembling the experiences of a man of the world, at +any rate those which produced the sentiments pervading this novel. +Nevertheless, this book brought about a revolution in my ideas. For the +first time I encountered in a book a chief character who was not a +universal hero, a military or naval hero whom one had to admire and if +possible imitate, but one in whom, with extreme emotion, I fancied that +I recognised myself! + +I had certainly never acted as Petsjórin did, and never been placed in +such situations as Petsjórin. No woman had ever loved me, still less +had I ever let a woman pay with suffering the penalty of her affection +for me. Never had any old friend of mine come up to me, delighted to +see me again, and been painfully reminded, by my coolness and +indifference, how little he counted for in my life. Petsjórin had done +with life; I had not even begun to live. Petsjórin had drained the cup +of enjoyment; I had never tasted so much as a drop of it. Petsjórin was +as blasé as a splendid Russian Officer of the Guards could be; I, as +full of expectation as an insignificant Copenhagen schoolboy could be. +Nevertheless, I had the perplexing feeling of having, for the first +time in my life, seen my inmost nature, hitherto unknown even to +myself, understood, interpreted, reproduced, magnified, in this +unharmonious work of the Russian poet who was snatched away so young. + + +XX. + +The first element whence the imaginary figure which I fancied I +recognized again in Lermontof had its rise was doubtless to be found in +the relations between my older friend and myself (in the reversal of +our rôles, and my consequent new feeling of superiority over him). The +essential point, however, was not the comparatively accidental shape in +which I fancied I recognised myself, but that what was at that time +termed _reflection_ had awaked in me, introspection, +self-consciousness, which after all had to awake some day, as all other +impulses awake when their time comes. This introspection was not, +however, by any means a natural or permanent quality in me, but on the +contrary one which made me feel ill at ease and which I soon came to +detest. During these transitional years, as my pondering over myself +grew, I felt more and more unhappy and less and less sure of myself. +The pondering reached its height, as was inevitable, when there arose +the question of choosing a profession and of planning the future rather +than of following a vocation. But as long as this introspection lasted, +I had a torturing feeling that my own eye was watching me, as though I +were a stranger, a feeling of being the spectator of my own actions, +the auditor of my own words, a double personality who must nevertheless +one day become one, should I live long enough. After having, with a +friend, paid a visit to Kaalund, who was prison instructor at +Vridslöselille at the time and showed us young fellows the prison and +the cells, I used to picture my condition to myself as that of a +prisoner enduring the torture of seeing a watchful eye behind the +peep-hole in the door. I had noticed before, in the Malmö prison, how +the prisoners tried to besmear this glass, or scratch on it, with a +sort of fury, so that it was often impossible to see through it. My +natural inclination was to act naïvely, without premeditation, and to +put myself wholly into what I was doing. The cleavage that +introspection implies, therefore, was a horror to me; all bisection, +all dualism, was fundamentally repellent to me; and it was consequently +no mere chance that my first appearance as a writer was made in an +attack on a division and duality in life's philosophy, and that the +very title of my first book was a branding and rejection of a +_Dualism_. So that it was only when my self-contemplation, and with it +the inward cleavage, had at length ceased, that I attained to quietude +of mind. + + +XXI. + +Thus violently absorbing though the mental condition here suggested +was, it was not permanent. It was childish and child-like by virtue of +my years; the riper expressions which I here make use of to describe it +always seem on the verge of distorting its character. My faith in my +lucky star barely persisted a few years unassailed. My childish idea +had been very much strengthened when, at fifteen years of age, in the +first part of my finishing examination, I received _Distinction_ in all +my subjects, and received a mighty blow when, at seventeen, I only had +_Very Good_ in five subjects, thus barely securing Distinction for the +whole. + +I ceased to preoccupy myself about my likeness to Petsjórin after +having recovered from a half, or quarter, falling in love, an +unharmonious affair, barren of results, which I had hashed up for +myself through fanciful and affected reverie, and which made me realise +the fundamental simplicity of my own nature,--and I then shook off the +unnatural physiognomy like a mask. Belief in my own unbounded +superiority and the absolutely unmeasured ambition in which this belief +had vented itself, collapsed suddenly when at the age of eighteen, +feeling my way independently for the first time, and mentally testing +people, I learnt to recognise the real mental superiority great writers +possess. It was chiefly my first reading of the principal works of +Kierkegaard that marked this epoch in my life. I felt, face to face +with the first great mind that, as it were, had personally confronted +me, all my real insignificance, understood all at once that I had as +yet neither lived nor suffered, felt nor thought, and that nothing was +more uncertain than whether I might one day evince talent. The one +certain thing was that my present status seemed to amount to nothing at +all. + + +XXII. + +In those boyhood's years, however, I revelled in ideas of greatness to +come which had not so far received a shock. And I was in no doubt as to +the domain in which when grown up I should distinguish myself. All my +instincts drew me towards Literature. The Danish compositions which +were set at school absorbed all my thoughts from week to week; I took +the greatest pains with them, weighed the questions from as many sides +as I could and endeavoured to give good form and style to my +compositions. Unconsciously I tried to find expressions containing +striking contrasts; I sought after descriptive words and euphonious +constructions. Although not acquainted with the word style in any other +sense than that it bears in the expression "style-book," the Danish +equivalent for what in English is termed an "exercise-book," I tried to +acquire a certain style, and was very near falling into mannerism, from +sheer inexperience, when a sarcastic master, to my distress, reminded +me one day of Heiberg's words: "The unguent of expression, smeared +thickly over the thinness of thoughts." + + +XXIII. + +Together with a practical training in the use of the language, the +Danish lessons afforded a presentment of the history of our national +literature, given intelligently and in a very instructive manner by a +master named Driebein, who, though undoubtedly one of the many +Heibergians of the time, did not in any way deviate from what might be +termed the orthodoxy of literary history. Protestantism carried it +against Roman Catholicism, the young Oehlenschläger against Baggesen, +Romanticism against Rationalism; Oehlenschläger as the Northern poet of +human nature against a certain Björnson, who, it was said, claimed to +be more truly Norse than he. In Mr. Driebein's presentment, no +recognised great name was ever attacked. And in his course, as in +Thortsen's History of Literature, literature which might be regarded as +historic stopped with the year 1814. + +The order in which in my private reading I became acquainted with +Danish authors was as follows: Ingemann, Oehlenschläger, Grundtvig, +Poul Möller, many books by these authors having been given me at +Christmas and on birthdays. At my grandfather's, I eagerly devoured +Heiberg's vaudevilles as well. As a child, of course, I read +uncritically, merely accepting and enjoying. But when I heard at school +of Baggesen's treatment of Oehlenschläger, thus realising that there +had been various tendencies in literature at that time, and various +opinions as to which was preferable, I read with enthusiasm a volume of +selected poems by Baggesen, which I had had one Christmas, and the +treatment of language in it fascinated me exceedingly, with its +gracefulness and light, conversational tone. Then, when Hertz's +[Footnote: Henrik Hertz, a Danish poet (1797-1870), published "Ghost +Letters" anonymously, and called them thus because in language and +spirit they were a kind of continuation of the long-deceased Baggesen's +rhymed contribution to a literary dispute of his day. Hertz, like the +much greater Baggesen, laid great stress upon precise and elegant +form.--[Translator's note.]] _Ghost Letters_ fell into my hands one +day, and the diction of them appealed to me almost more, I felt myself, +first secretly, afterwards more consciously, drawn towards the school +of form in Danish literature, and rather enjoyed being a heretic on +this point. For to entertain kindly sentiments for the man who had +dared to profane Oehlenschläger was like siding with Loki against Thor. +Poul Möller's Collected Works I had received at my confirmation, and +read again and again with such enthusiasm that I almost wore the pages +out, and did not skip a line, even of the philosophical parts, which I +did not understand at all. But Hertz's Lyrical Poems, which I read in a +borrowed copy, gave me as much pleasure as Poul Möller's Verses had +done. And for a few years, grace and charm, and the perfect control of +language and poetic form, were in my estimation the supreme thing +until, on entering upon my eighteenth year, a violent reaction took +place, and resonance, power and grandeur alone seemed to have value. +From Hertz my sympathies went over to Christian Winther, from Baggesen +to Homer, Aeschylus, the Bible, Shakespeare, Goethe. One of the first +things I did as a student was to read the Bible through in Danish and +the Odyssey in Greek. + + +XXIV. + +The years of approaching maturity were still distant, however, and my +inner life was personal, not real, so that an element of fermentation +was cast into my mind when a copy of Heine's _Buch der Lieder_ was one +day lent to me. What took my fancy in it was, firstly, the combination +of enthusiasm and wit, then its terse, pithy form, and after that the +parts describing how the poet and his lady love, unable to overcome the +shyness which binds their tongues, involuntarily play hide and seek +with one another and lose each other; for I felt that I should be +equally unable to find natural and simple expression for my feelings, +should things ever come to such a pass with me. Of Heine's personality, +of the poet's historic position, political tendencies or importance, I +knew nothing; in these love-poems I looked more especially for those +verses in which violent self-esteem and blasé superiority to every +situation find expression, because this fell in with the Petsjórin +note, which, since reading Lermontof's novel, was the dominant one in +my mind. As was my habit in those years, when it was still out of the +question for me to buy books that pleased me, I copied out of the _Buch +der Lieder_ all that I liked best, that I might read it again. + + +XXV. + +Of all this life of artistic desire and seeking, of external +impressions, welcomed with all the freshness and impulsiveness of a +boy's mind, but most of self-study and self-discovery, the elder of the +two comrades was a most attentive spectator, more than a spectator. He +made use of expressions and said things which rose to my head and made +me conceited. Sebastian would make such a remark as: "It is not for +your abilities that I appreciate you, it is for your enthusiasm. All +other people I know are machines without souls, at their best full of +affected, set phrases, such as one who has peeped behind the scenes +laughs at; but in you there is a fulness of ideality too great for you +ever to be happy." "Fulness of ideality" was the expression of the time +for the supremest quality of intellectual equipment. No wonder, then, +that I felt flattered. + +And my older comrade united a perception of my mental condition, which +unerringly perceived its immaturity, with a steadfast faith in a future +for me which in spite of my arrogance, I thirsted to find in the one of +all others who knew me best and was most plainly my superior in +knowledge. One day, when I had informed him that I felt "more mature +and clearer about myself," he replied, without a trace of indecision, +that this was undoubtedly a very good thing, if it were true, but that +he suspected I was laboring under a delusion. "I am none the less +convinced," he added, "that you will soon reach a crisis, will overcome +all obstacles and attain the nowadays almost giant's goal that you have +set before you." This goal, for that matter, was very indefinite, and +was to the general effect that I intended to make myself strongly felt, +and bring about great changes in the intellectual world; of what kind, +was uncertain. + +Meanwhile, as the time drew near for us to enter the University, and I +approached the years of manhood which the other, in spite of his modest +position as schoolboy, had already long attained, Sebastian grew +utterly miserable. He had, as he expressed it, made up his mind to be +my _Melanchthon_. But through an inward collapse which I could not +understand he now felt that the time in which he could be anything to +me had gone by; it seemed to him that he had neglected to acquire the +knowledge and the education necessary, and he reproached himself +bitterly. "I have not been in the least what I might have been to you," +he exclaimed one day, and without betraying it he endured torments of +jealousy, and thought with vexation and anxiety of the time when a +larger circle would be opened to me in the University, and he himself +would become superfluous. + +His fear was thus far unfounded, that, naïve in my selfishness, as in +my reliance on him, I still continued to tell him everything, and in +return constantly sought his help when philological or mathematical +difficulties which I could not solve alone presented themselves to me. + +But I had scarcely returned to Copenhagen, after my first journey +abroad (a very enjoyable four weeks' visit to Göteborg), I had scarcely +been a month a freshman, attending philosophical lectures and taking +part in student life than the dreaded separation between us two so +differently constituted friends came to pass. The provocation was +trifling, in fact paltry. One day I was standing in the lecture-room +with a few fellow-students before a lecture began, when a freshman +hurried up to us and asked: "Is it true, what Sebastian says, that he +is the person you think most of in the world?" My reply was: "Did he +say that himself?" "Yes." And, disgusted that the other should have +made such a remark in order to impress perfect strangers, though it +might certainly very easily have escaped him in confidence, I said +hastily: "Oh! he's mad!" which outburst, bearing in mind young people's +use of the word "mad," was decidedly not to be taken literally, but +was, it is quite true, ill-naturedly meant. + +The same evening I received a short note from Sebastian in which, +though in polite terms, he repudiated his allegiance and fidelity; the +letter, in which the polite form _you_ was used instead of the +accustomed _thou_, was signed: "Your 'mad' and 'foolish,' but +respectful Sebastian." + +The impression this produced upon me was exceedingly painful, but an +early developed mental habit of always accepting a decision, and a +vehement repugnance to renew any connection deliberately severed by +another party, resulted in my never even for a moment thinking of +shaking his resolution, and in my leaving the note unanswered. However, +the matter was not done with, and the next few months brought me many +insufferable moments, indeed hours, for Sebastian, whose existence had +for so long centred round mine that he was evidently incapable of doing +without me altogether, continually crossed my path, planted himself +near me on every possible occasion, and one evening, at a students' +gathering, even got a chair outside the row round the table, sat +himself down just opposite to me, and spent a great part of the evening +in staring fixedly into my face. As may be supposed, I felt exceedingly +irritated. + +Three months passed, when one day I received a letter from Sebastian, +and at intervals of weeks or months several others followed. They were +impressive letters, splendidly written, with a sort of grim humour +about them, expressing his passionate affection and venting his +despair. This was the first time that I had come in contact with +passion, but it was a passion that without having any unnatural or +sensual element in it, nevertheless, from a person of the same sex, +excited a feeling of displeasure, and even disgust, in me. + +Sebastian wrote: "I felt that it was cheating you to take so much +without being able to give you anything in return; I thought it mean to +associate with you; consequently, I believe that I did perfectly right +to break with you. Still, it is true that I hardly needed to do it. +Time and circumstances would have effected the breach." And feeling +that our ways were now divided, he continued: + + Hie locus est, partes ubi se via findit in ambas. + Dextera, quae Ditis magni sub moenia tendit + Hac iter Elysium nobis; at laeva malorum + Exercet poenas et ad impia Tartara mittit. + +"I cannot kill myself at present, but as soon as I feel able I shall do +so." + +Or he wrote: "Towards the end of the time when we were friends, I was +not quite myself when talking to you; I was unbalanced; for I was +convinced that you wasted your valuable time talking to me, and at the +same time was oppressed with grief at the thought that we must part. +Then I tried to make you angry by pretending to question your +abilities, by affecting indifference and scorn; but it was the dog +baying at the moon. I had to bring about the severance that I did. That +I should be so childish as to be vexed about a slight from you, you +cannot yourself believe. I cannot really regret it, for I could no +longer be of use to you; you doubtless think the same yourself; but I +cannot do without you; my affection for you is the only vital thing in +me; your life throbbed in mine." + +Sometimes the letters ended with an outburst of a sort of despairing +humour, such as: "Vale! (Fanfare! somersaults by Pagliaccio.)" But +whether Sebastian assumed a serious or a desperate tone, the renewal of +our old companionship was equally impossible to me. I could not ignore +what had happened, and I could not have a friend who was jealous if I +talked to others. Since my intellectual entity had awakened, all +jealousy had been an abomination to me, but jealousy in one man of +another man positively revolted me. I recognised Sebastian's great +merits, respected his character, admired his wide range of knowledge, +but I could not associate with him again, could not even so much as +walk down the street by his side. All his affectionate and beautiful +letters glanced off ineffectual from this repugnance. Something in me +had suddenly turned stony, like a plant plunged in petrifying water. + +Six years passed before we saw each other again. We met then with +simple and sincere affection. Sebastian's old passion had evaporated +without leaving a trace; he himself could no longer understand it. And, +though far apart, and with nothing to connect us closely, we continued +to think kindly of one another and to exchange reflections, until, +after a few years, Death carried him away, ere he had reached the years +of real manhood, or fulfilled any of the promises of his gifted and +industrious youth. + + + + +TRANSITIONAL YEARS + +Schoolboy Fancies--Religion--Early Friends--_Daemonic_ Theory--A West +Indian Friend--My Acquaintance Widens--Politics--The Reactionary +Party--The David Family--A Student Society--An Excursion to +Slesvig--Temperament--The Law--Hegel--Spinoza--Love for Humanity--A +Religious Crisis--Doubt--Personal Immortality--Renunciation. + + +I. + +My second schoolboy fancy dated from my last few months at school. It +was a natural enough outcome of the attraction towards the other sex +which, never yet encouraged, was lurking in my mind; but it was not +otherwise remarkable for its naturalness. It had its origin partly in +my love of adventure, partly in my propensity for trying my powers, +but, as love, was without root, inasmuch as it was rooted neither in my +heart nor in my senses. + +The object of it was again a girl from another country. Her name and +person had been well known to me since I was twelve years old. We had +even exchanged compliments, been curious about one another, gone so far +as to wish for a lock of each other's hair. There was consequently a +romantic background to our first meeting. When I heard that she was +coming to Denmark I was, as by chance, on the quay, and saw her arrive. + +She was exactly the same age as I, and, without real beauty, was very +good-looking and had unusually lovely eyes. I endeavoured to make her +acquaintance through relatives of hers whom I knew, and had no +difficulty in getting into touch with her. An offer to show her the +museums and picture galleries in Copenhagen was accepted. Although I +had very little time, just before my matriculation examination, my new +acquaintance filled my thoughts to such an extent that I did not care +how much of this valuable time I sacrificed to her. In the Summer, when +the girl went out near Charlottenlund, whereas my parents were staying +much nearer to the town, I went backwards and forwards to the woods +nearly every day, in the uncertain but seldom disappointed hope of +seeing her. Sometimes I rowed her about in the Sound. + +Simple and straightforward though the attraction I felt might seem, the +immature romance I built up on it was anything but simple. + +It was, as stated, not my senses that drew me on. Split and divided up +as I was just then, a merely intellectual love seemed to me quite +natural; one might feel an attraction of the senses for an altogether +different woman. I did not wish for a kiss, much less an embrace; in +fact, was too much a child to think of anything of the sort. + +But neither was it my heart that drew me on; I felt no tenderness, +hardly any real affection, for this young girl whom I was so anxious to +win. She only busied my brain. + +In the condition of boyish self-inquisition in which I then found +myself, this acquaintance was a fresh element of fermentation, and the +strongest to which my self-examination had hitherto been subjected. I +instinctively desired to engage her fancy; but my attitude was from +myself through her to myself. I wanted less to please than to dominate +her, and as it was only my head that was filled with her image, I +wholly lacked the voluntary and cheerful self-humiliation which is an +element of real love. I certainly wished with all my heart to fascinate +her; but what I more particularly wanted was to hold my own, to avoid +submission, and retain my independence. My boyish pride demanded it. + +The young foreigner, whose knowledge of the world was hardly greater +than my own, had certainly never, during her short life, come in +contact with so extraordinary a phenomenon; it afforded matter for +reflection. She certainly felt attracted, but, woman-like, was on her +guard. She was of a quiet, amiable disposition, innocently coquettish, +naturally adapted for the advances of sound common sense and +affectionate good-will, not for the volts of passion; she was, +moreover, femininely practical. + +She saw at a glance that this grown-up schoolboy, who almost staggered +her with his eloquence, his knowledge, his wild plans for the future, +was no wooer, and that his advances were not to be taken too seriously. +Next, with a woman's unfailing intuition, she discovered his empty love +of power. And first involuntarily, and then consciously, she placed +herself in an attitude of defence. She did not lack intelligence. She +showed a keen interest in me, but met me with the self-control of a +little woman of the world, now and then with coolness, on one occasion +with well-aimed shafts of mockery. + +Our mutual attitude might have developed into a regular war between the +sexes, had we not both been half-children. Just as I, in the midst of a +carefully planned assault on her emotions, occasionally forgot myself +altogether and betrayed the craving to be near her which drove me +almost every day to her door, she also would at times lose the +equilibrium she had struggled for, and feverishly reveal her agitated +state of mind. But immediately afterwards I was again at the assault, +she once more on the alert, and after the lapse of four months our ways +separated, without a kiss, or one simple, affectionate word, ever +having passed between us. + +In my morbid self-duplication, I had been busy all this time fixing in +my memory and writing down in a book all that I had said to her or she +to me, weighing and probing the scope and effect of the words that had +been uttered, laying plans for future methods of advance, noting actual +victories and defeats, pondering over this inanity, bending over all +this abnormality, like a strategist who, bending over the map, marks +with his nail the movements of troops, the carrying or surrender of a +fortified position. + +This early, unsatisfactory and not strictly speaking erotic experience +had the remarkable effect of rendering me for the next seven years +impervious to the tender passion, so that, undisturbed by women or +erotic emotions, I was able to absorb myself in the world of varied +research that was now opening up to me. + + +II. + +A school-friend who was keenly interested in astronomy and had directed +my nightly contemplations of the heavens, drew me, just about this +time, a very good map of the stars, by the help of which I found those +stars I knew and extended my knowledge further. + +The same school-friend sometimes took me to the Observatory, to see old +Professor d'Arrest--a refined and sapient man--and there, for the first +time, I saw the stellar heavens through a telescope. I had learnt +astronomy at school, but had lacked talent to attain any real insight +into the subject. Now the constellations and certain of the stars began +to creep into my affections; they became the nightly witnesses of my +joys and sorrows, all through my life; the sight of them sometimes +comforted me when I felt lonely and forsaken in a foreign land. The +Lyre, the Swan, the Eagle, the Crown and Boötes, Auriga, the Hyades and +the Pleiades, and among the Winter constellations, Orion; all these +twinkling groups, that human eyes have sought for thousands of years, +became distant friends of mine, too. And the thoughts which the sight +of the countless globes involuntarily and inevitably evokes, were born +in me, too,--thoughts of the littleness of the earth in our Solar +System, and of our Solar System in the Universe, of immeasurable +distances--so great that the stars whose rays, with the rapidity of +light's travelling, are striking against our eyes now, may have gone +out in our childhood; of immeasurable periods of time, in which a human +life, or even the lifetime of a whole people, disappears like a drop in +the ocean. And whereas at school I had only studied astronomy as a +subject, from its mathematical aspect, I now learnt the results of +spectroscopic analysis, which showed me how the human genius of Bunsen +and Kirchhoff had annihilated the distance between the Earth and the +Sun; and at the same time I perceived the inherent improbability of the +culture of our Earth ever being transmitted to other worlds, even as +the Earth had never yet received communications from the civilisation +of any of the stars. + +This circumstance, combined with the certainty of the gradual cooling +and eventual death of the Earth, gave me a conclusive impression of the +finality of all earthly existence and of the merely temporary character +of all progress. + +Feeling that all religions built up on a belief in a God were +collapsing, Europe had long inclined towards the religion of Progress +as the last tenable. Now I perceived as I raised my eyes to the starry +expanse and rejoiced in my favourite stars, Sirius in the Great Dog, +and Vega in the Lyre or Altair in the Eagle, that it, too, was +tottering, this last religion of all. + + +III. + +At school, I had known a score of boys of my own age, and naturally +found few amongst them who could be anything to me. Among the +advantages that the freedom of student life afforded was that of coming +in contact all at once with hundreds of similarly educated young men of +one's own age. Young men made each other's acquaintance at lectures and +banquets, were drawn to one another, or felt themselves repulsed, and +elective affinity or accident associated them in pairs or groups for a +longer or shorter period. + +A young fellow whose main passion was a desire for intellectual +enrichment was necessarily obliged to associate with many of the other +young men of his own age, in order to learn to know them, in order, +externally and internally, to gain as much experience as possible and +thereby develop himself. + +In the case of many of them, a few conversations were enough to prove +that any fruitful intimacy was out of the question. I came into +fleeting contact with a number of suave, or cold, or too ordinary young +students, without their natures affecting mine or mine theirs. But +there were others who, for some months, engaged my attention to a +considerable extent. + +The first of these was a type of the student of the time. Vilsing was +from Jutland, tall, dark, neither handsome nor plain, remarkable for +his unparalleled facility in speaking. He owed his universal popularity +to the fact that at students' Parties he could at any time stand up and +rattle off at a furious rate an apparently unprepared speech, a sort of +stump speech in which humorous perversions, distortions, lyric remarks, +clever back-handed blows to right and left, astonishing incursions and +rapid sorties, were woven into a whole so good that it was an +entertaining challenge to common sense. + +The starting point, for instance, might be some travesty of Sibbern's +whimsical definition of life, which at that time we all had to learn by +heart for the examination. It ran: + +"Life altogether is an activity and active process, preceding from an +inner source and working itself out according to an inner impulse, +producing and by an eternal change of matter, reproducing, organising +and individualising, and, since it by a certain material or substratum +constitutes itself a certain exterior, within which it reveals itself, +it simultaneously constitutes itself as the subsisting activity and +endeavour in this, its exterior, of which it may further be inquired +how far a soul can be said to live and subsist in it, as a living +entity--appearing in such a life." + +It is not difficult to conceive what delightful nonsense this barbaric +elucidation might suggest, if a carouse, or love, woman or drunkenness +were defined in this vein; and he would weave in amusing attacks on +earlier, less intrepid speakers, who, as Vilsing put it, reminded one +of the bashful forget-me-not, inasmuch as you could read in the play of +their features: "Forget me not! I, too, was an orator." + +Vilsing, who had been studying for some years already, paid a freshman +a compliment by desiring his acquaintance and seeking his society. He +frequented the Students' Union, was on terms of friendship with those +who led the fashion, and was a favourite speaker. It was a species of +condescension on his part to seek out a young fellow just escaped from +school, a fellow who would have sunk into the earth if he had had to +make a speech, and who had no connection with the circle of older +students. + +Vilsing was a young man of moods, who, like many at that time, like +Albrecht, the chief character in Schandorph's [Footnote: Sophus +Schandorph, b. 1820, d. 1901; a prominent Danish novelist, who +commenced his literary activity in the sixties.--[Translator's note.]] +_Without a Centre_, would exhibit all the colours of the rainbow in one +morning. He would give himself, and take himself back, show himself +affectionate, cordial, intimate, confidential, full of affectionate +anxiety for me his young friend, and at the next meeting be as cursory +and cool as if he scarcely remembered having seen me before; for he +would in the meantime have been attacked by vexation at his too great +friendliness, and wish to assert himself, as knowing his own value. + +He impressed me, his junior, by revealing himself, not precisely as a +man of the world, but as a much sought after society man. He told me +how much he was asked out, and how he went from one party and one ball +to another, which, to me, with my hankering after experiences, seemed +to be an enviable thing. But I was more struck by what Vilsing told me +of the favour he enjoyed with the other sex. One girl--a charming +girl!--he was engaged to, another loved him and he her; but those were +the least of his erotic triumphs; wherever he showed himself, he +conquered. And proofs were to hand. For one day, when he had dragged me +up to his room with him, he bewildered me by shaking out before my eyes +a profusion of embroidered sofa-cushions, fancy pillows, cigar-cases, +match-holders, crocheted purses, worked waistcoats, etc.; presents from +every description of person of the feminine gender. In every drawer he +pulled out there were presents of the sort; they hung over chairs and +on pegs. + +I was young enough to feel a certain respect for a man so sought after +by the fair sex, although I thought his frankness too great. What first +began to undermine this feeling was not doubt of the truth of his +tales, or the genuineness of the gifts, but the fact that one after +another of my comrades, when the first cool stages of acquaintance were +passed, invariably found a favourable opportunity of confidentially +informing me--he could not explain why it was himself, but it was a +fact--that wherever he showed himself women were singularly fascinated +by the sight of him; there must be something about him which vanquished +them in spite of him. When at last one evening the most round-backed of +all of them, a swain whose blond mustache, of irregular growth, +resembled an old, worn-out toothbrush more than anything else, also +confided in me that he did not know how it was, or what could really be +the cause of it, but there must be something about him, etc.,--then my +belief in Vilsing's singularity and my admiration for him broke down. +It must not be supposed that Vilsing regarded himself as a sensual +fiend. He did not pose as cold and impudent, but as heartfelt and +instinct with feeling. He was studying theology, and cherished no +dearer wish than eventually to become a priest. He constantly +alternated between contrition and self-satisfaction, arrogance and +repentance, enjoyed the consciousness of being exceptionally clever, an +irresistible charmer, and a true Christian. It seemed to him that, in +the freshman whom he had singled out from the crowd and given a place +at his side, he had found an intellectual equal, or even superior, and +this attracted him; he met with in me an inexperience and unworldliness +so great that the inferiority in ability which he declared he perceived +was more than counterbalanced by the superiority he himself had the +advantage of, both in social accomplishments and in dealing with women. + +It thus seemed as though many of the essential conditions of a +tolerably permanent union between us were present. But during the first +conversation in which he deigned to be interested in my views, there +occurred in our friendship a little rift which widened to a chasm. +Vilsing sprang back horrified when he heard how I, greenhorn though I +was, regarded life and men and what I considered right. "You are in the +clutches of Evil, and your desire is towards the Evil. I have not time +or inclination to unfold an entire Christology now, but what you reject +is the Ideal, and what you appraise is the Devil himself. God! God! How +distressed I am for you! I would give my life to save you. But enough +about it for the present; I have not time just now; I have to go out to +dinner." + +This was our last serious conversation. I was not saved. He did not +give his life. He went for a vacation tour the following Summer +holidays, avoided me on his return, and soon we saw no more of each +other. + + +IV. + +The theory, the intimation of which roused Vilsing to such a degree, +bore in its form witness to such immaturity that it could only have +made an impression on a youth whose immaturity, in spite of his age, +was greater still. To present it with any degree of clearness is +scarcely possible; it was not sufficiently clear in itself for that. +But this was about what it amounted to: + +The introspection and energetic self-absorption to which I had given +myself up during my last few years at school became even more +persistent on my release from the restraint of school and my free +admission to the society of grown-up people. + +I took advantage of my spare time in Copenhagen, and on the restricted +travels that I was allowed to take, to slake my passionate thirst for +life; firstly, by pondering ever and anon over past sensations, and +secondly, by plunging into eager and careful reading of the light +literature of all different countries and periods that I had heard +about, but did not yet myself know at first hand. + +Through all that I experienced and read, observed and made my own, my +attitude towards myself was, that before all, I sought to become clear +as to what manner of man I really, in my inmost being, was. I asked +myself who I was. I endeavoured to discover the mysterious word that +would break the charm of the mists in which I found myself and would +answer my fundamental question, _What_ was I? And then at last, my +ponderings and my readings resulted in my finding the word that seemed +to fit, although nowadays one can hardly hear it without a smile, the +word _Daemonic_. + +I was daemonic in giving myself this reply it seemed to me that I had +solved the riddle of my nature. I meant thereby, as I then explained it +to myself, that the choice between good and evil did not present itself +to me, as to others, since evil did not interest me. For me, it was not +a question of a choice, but of an unfolding of my ego, which had its +justification in itself. + +That which I called the _daemonic_ I had encountered for the first time +outside my own mind in Lermontof's hero. Petsjórin was compelled to act +in pursuance of his natural bent, as though possessed by his own being. +I felt myself in a similar manner possessed. I had met with the word +_Daimon_ and _Daimones_ in Plato; Socrates urges that by _daemons_ the +Gods, or the children of the Gods, were meant. I felt as though I, too, +were one of the children of the Gods. In all the great legendary +figures of the middle ages I detected the feature of divine possession, +especially in the two who had completely fascinated the poets of the +nineteenth century, Don Juan and Faust. The first was the symbol of +magic power over women, the second of the thirst for knowledge giving +dominion over humanity and Nature. Among my comrades, in Vilsing, even +in the hunch-backed fellow with the unsuccessful moustache, I had seen +how the Don Juan type which had turned their heads still held sway over +the minds of young people; I myself could quite well understand the +magic which this beautiful ideal of elementary irresistibility must +have; but the Faust type appealed to me, with my thirst for knowledge, +very much more. Still, the main thing for me was that in the first +great and wholly modern poets that I made acquaintance with, Byron and +his intellectual successors, Lermontof and Heine, I recognised again +the very fundamental trait that I termed _daemonic_, the worship of +one's own originality, under the guise of an uncompromising love of +liberty. + +I was always brooding over this idea of the _daemonic_ with which my +mind was filled. I recorded my thoughts on the subject in my first long +essay (lost, for that matter), _On the Daemonic, as it Reveals Itself +in the Human Character_. + +When a shrewdly intelligent young fellow of my own age criticised my +work from the assumption that the _daemonic_ did not exist, I thought +him ridiculous. I little dreamt that twenty-five years later Relling, +in _The Wild Duck_, would show himself to be on my friend's side in the +emphatic words: "What the Devil does it mean to be daemonic! It's sheer +nonsense." + + +V. + +The "daemonic" was also responsible for the mingled attraction that was +exerted over me at this point by a young foreign student, and for the +intercourse which ensued between us. Kappers was born somewhere in the +West Indies, was the son of a well-to-do German manufacturer, and had +been brought up in a North German town. His father, for what reason I +do not know, wished him to study at Copenhagen University, and there +take his law examination. There was coloured blood in his veins, though +much diluted, maybe an eighth or so. He was tall and slender, somewhat +loose in his walk and bearing, pale-complexioned, with dark eyes and +negro hair. His face, though not handsome, looked exceedingly clever, +and its expression was not deceptive, for the young man had an +astonishing intellect. + +He was placed in the house of a highly respected family in Copenhagen, +that of a prominent scientist, a good-natured, unpractical savant, very +unsuited to be the mentor of such an unconventional young man. He was +conspicuous among the native Danish freshmen for his elegant dress and +cosmopolitan education, and was so quick at learning that before very +many weeks he spoke Danish almost without a mistake, though with a +marked foreign accent, which, however, lent a certain charm to what he +said. His extraordinary intelligence was not remarkable either for its +comprehensiveness or its depth, but it was a quicker intelligence than +any his Copenhagen fellow-student had ever known, and so keen that he +seemed born to be a lawyer. + +Kappers spent almost all his day idling about the streets, talking to +his companions; he was always ready for a walk; you never saw him work +or heard him talk about his work. Nevertheless, he, a foreigner, who +had barely mastered the language, presented himself after six +months--before he had attended all the lectures, that is,--for the +examination in philosophy and passed it with _Distinction_ in all three +subjects; indeed, Rasmus Nielsen, who examined him in Propaedeutics, +was so delighted at the foreigner's shrewd and ready answers that he +gave him _Specially excellent_, a mark which did not exist. + +His gifts in the juridical line appeared to be equally remarkable. When +he turned up in a morning with his Danish fellow-students at the +coach's house it might occasionally happen that he was somewhat tired +and slack, but more often he showed a natural grasp of the handling of +legal questions, and a consummate skill in bringing out every possible +aspect of each question, that were astonishing in a beginner. + +His gifts were of unusual power, but for the externalities of things +only, and he possessed just the gifts with which the sophists of old +time distinguished themselves. He himself was a young sophist, and at +the same time a true comedian, adapting his behaviour to whomsoever he +might happen to be addressing, winning over the person in question by +striking his particular note and showing that side of his character +with which he could best please him. Endowed with the capacity of +mystifying and dazzling those around him, exceedingly keen-sighted, +adaptable but in reality empty, he knew how to set people thinking and +to fascinate others by his lively, unprejudiced and often paradoxical, +but entertaining conversation. He was now colder, now more +confidential; he knew how to assume cordiality, and to flatter by +appearing to admire. + +With a young student like myself who had just left school, was quite +inexperienced in all worldly matters, and particularly in the chapter +of women, but in whom he detected good abilities and a very strained +idealism, he affected ascetic habits. With other companions he showed +himself the intensely reckless and dissipated rich man's son he was; +indeed, he amused himself by introducing some of the most inoffensive +and foolish of them into the wretched dens of vice and letting them +indulge themselves at his expense. + +Intellectually interested as he was, he proposed, soon after our first +meeting, that we should start a "literary and scientific" society, +consisting of a very few freshmen, who, at the weekly meetings, should +read a paper one of them had composed, whereupon two members who had +previously read the paper should each submit it to a prepared criticism +and after that, general discussion of the question. All that concerned +the proposed society was carried out with a genuine Kappers-like +mystery, as if it were a conspiracy, and with forms and ceremonies +worthy of a diplomat's action. + +Laws were drafted for the society, although it eventually consisted +only of five members, and elaborate minutes were kept of the meetings. +Among the members was V. Topsöe, afterwards well known as an editor and +author, at that time a cautious and impudent freshman, whose motto was: +"It is protection that we people must live by." He read the society a +paper _On the Appearance_, dealing with how one ought to dress, behave, +speak, do one's hair, which revealed powers of observation and a +sarcastic tendency. Amongst those who eagerly sought for admission but +never secured it was a young student, handsome, and with no small love +of study, but stupid and pushing, for whom I, who continued to see +myself in Lermontof's Petsjórin, cherished a hearty contempt, for the +curious reason that he in every way reminded me of Petsjórin's fatuous +and conceited adversary, Gruchnitski. Vilsing was asked to take part in +the society's endeavours, but refused. "What I have against all these +societies," he said, "is the self-satisfaction they give rise to; the +only theme I should be inclined to treat is that of how the modern Don +Juan must be conceived; but that I cannot do, since I should be obliged +to touch on so many incidents of my own life." + +This was the society before which I read the treatise on _The +Daemonic_, and it was Kappers who, with his well-developed +intelligence, would not admit the existence of anything of the sort. + +The regular meetings went on for six months only, the machinery being +too large and heavy in comparison with the results attained. Kappers +and his intimate friends, however, saw none the less of each other. The +brilliant West Indian continued to pursue his legal studies and to +carry on his merry life in Copenhagen for some eighteen months. But his +studies gradually came to a standstill, while his gay life took up more +and more of his time. He was now living alone in a flat which, to begin +with, had been very elegantly furnished, but grew emptier and emptier +by degrees, as his furniture was sold, or went to the pawnbroker's. His +furniture was followed by his books, and when Schou's "_Orders in +Council_" had also been turned into money, his legal studies ceased of +themselves. When the bookshelves were empty it was the turn of the +wardrobe and the linen drawers, till one Autumn day in 1861, an +emissary of his father, who had been sent to Copenhagen to ascertain +what the son was really about, found him in his shirt, without coat or +trousers, wrapped up in his fur overcoat, sitting on the floor in his +drawing-room, where there was not so much as a chair left. Asked how it +was that things had come to such a pass with him, he replied: "It is +the curse that follows the coloured race." + +A suit of clothes was redeemed for Kappers junior, and he was hurried +away as quickly as possible to the German town where his father lived, +and where the son explained to everyone who would listen that he had +been obliged to leave Copenhagen suddenly "on account of a duel with a +gentleman in a very exalted position." + + +VI. + +My first experiences of academic friendship made me smile in after +years when I looked back on them. But my circle of acquaintances had +gradually grown so large that it was only natural new friendships +should grow out of it. + +One of the members of Kappers' "literary and scientific" society, and +the one whom the West Indian had genuinely cared most for, was a young +fellow whose father was very much respected, and to whom attention was +called for that reason; he was short, a little heavy on his feet, and a +trifle indolent, had beautiful eyes, was warm-hearted and well +educated, had good abilities without being specially original, and was +somewhat careless in his dress, as in other things. + +His father was C.N. David, well known in his younger days as a +University professor and a liberal politician, who later became the +Head of the Statistical Department and a Member of the Senate. He had +been in his youth a friend of Johan Ludvig Heiberg, [Footnote: J.L. +Heiberg, to whom such frequent allusion is made, was a well-known +Danish author of the last century (1791-1860). Among many other things, +he wrote a series of vaudevilles for the Royal Theatre at Copenhagen, +Of which he was manager. In every piece he wrote there was a special +part for his wife, Johanne Luise Heiberg, who was the greatest Danish +actress of the 19th century.] and had been dramatic contributor to the +latter's paper. + +He was a very distinguished satirist and critic and his influence upon +the taste and critical opinion of his day can only be compared with +that of Holberg in the 18th century. + +Now, in concert with Bluhme and a few other of the elder politicians, +he had formed a Conservative Fronde, opposed to the policy of the +National Liberals. One day as we two young men were sitting in his +son's room, drafting the rules for the freshmen's society of five +members, the old gentleman came through and asked us what we were +writing. "Rules for a society; we want to get them done as quickly as +we can." "That is right. That kind of constitution may very well be +written out expeditiously. There has not been very much more trouble or +forethought spent on the one we have in this country." + +It was not, however, so much the internal policy of the National +Liberals that he objected to--it was only the Election Law that he was +dissatisfied with--as their attitude towards Germany. Whenever a step +was taken in the direction of the incorporation of Slesvig, he would +exclaim: "We are doing what we solemnly promised not to do. How can +anyone be so childish as to believe that it will turn out well!" + +The son, whose home impressions in politics had been Conservative, was +a happy young man with a somewhat embarrassed manner, who sometimes hid +his uncertainty under the cloak of a carelessness that was not +altogether assumed. Behind him stood his family, to whom he hospitably +introduced those of his companions whom he liked, and though the family +were not gentle of origin, they belonged, nevertheless, to the highest +circles in the country and exercised their attraction through the son. + +I, whom Ludvig David was now eagerly cultivating, had known him for +many years, as we had been school-fellows and even classmates, although +David was considerably older. I had never felt drawn to him as a boy, +in fact, had not liked him. Neither had David, in our school-days, ever +made any advances to me, having had other more intimate friends. Now, +however, he was very cordial to me, and expressed in strong terms his +appreciation of my industry and abilities; he himself was often teased +at home for his lack of application. + +C.N. David was the first public personality with whom, as a student, I +became acquainted and into whose house I was introduced. For many years +I enjoyed unusual kindness and hospitality at the hands of the old +politician, afterwards Minister of Finance. + + +VII. + +I had hitherto been only mildly interested in politics. I had, of +course, as a boy, attentively followed the course of the Crimean war, +which my French uncle, on one of his visits, had called the fight for +civilisation against barbarism, although it was a fight for Turkey! +now, as a student, I followed with keen interest the Italian campaign +and the revolt against the Austrian Dukes and the Neapolitan Bourbons. +But the internal policy of Denmark had little attraction for me. As +soon as I entered the University I felt myself influenced by the spirit +of such men as Poul Möller, J.L. Heiberg, Sören Kierkegaard, and +distinctly removed from the belief in the power of the people which was +being preached everywhere at that time. This, however, was hardly more +than a frame of mind, which did not preclude my feeling myself in +sympathy with what at that time was called broad thought (i.e., +Liberalism). Although I was often indignant at the National Liberal and +Scandinavian terrorism which obtained a hearing at both convivial and +serious meetings in the Students' Union, my feelings in the matter of +Denmark's foreign policy with regard to Sweden and Norway, as well as +to Germany, were the same as those held by all the other students. I +felt no intellectual debt to either Sweden or Norway, but I was drawn +by affection towards the Swedes and the Norsemen, and in Christian +Richardt's lovely song at the Northern Celebration in 1860, _For Sweden +and Norway_, I found the expression of the fraternal feelings that I +cherished in my breast for our two Northern neighbours. On the other +hand, small as my store of knowledge still was, I had already acquired +some considerable impression of German culture. Nevertheless, the +increasingly inimical attitude of the German people towards Denmark, +and the threatenings of war with Germany, together with my childish +recollections of the War of 1848-50, had for their effect that in the +Germany of that day I only saw an enemy's country. A violent affection +that I felt at sixteen for a charming little German girl made no +difference to this view. + + +VIII. + +The old men, who advocated the greatest caution in dealing with the +impossible demands of the German Federation, and were profoundly +distrustful as to the help that might be expected from Europe, were +vituperated in the press. As _Whole-State Men_, they were regarded as +unpatriotic, and as so-called _Reactionaries_, accused of being enemies +to freedom. When I was introduced into the house of one of these +politically ill-famed leaders, in spite of my ignorance, I knew enough +of politics, as of other subjects, to draw a sharp distinction between +that which I could in a measure grasp, and that which I did not +understand; I was sufficiently educated to place Danish constitutional +questions in the latter category, and consequently I crossed, devoid of +prejudice, the threshold of a house whence proceeded, according to the +opinion of the politically orthodox, a pernicious, though fortunately +powerless, political heterodoxy. + +It must not be supposed that I came into close touch with anything of +the sort. The old Minister never opened his mouth on political matters +in the bosom of his family. But the impression of superior intelligence +and knowledge of men that he conveyed was enough to place him in a +different light from that in which he was depicted in _The Fatherland_, +the paper whose opinions were swallowed blindly by the student body. +And my faith in the infallibility of the paper was shaken even more one +day, when I saw the Leader of the Reactionary Party himself, Privy +Councillor Bluhme, at the house, and sat unnoticed in a corner, +listening to his conversation. He talked a great deal, although, like +the master of the house, he did not allude to his public work. Like a +statesman of the old school, he expressed himself with exquisite +politeness and a certain ceremony. But of the affectation of which _The +Fatherland_ accused him, there was not a trace. What profoundly +impressed me was the Danish the old gentleman spoke, the most perfect +Danish. He told of his travels in India--once upon a time he had been +Governor of Trankebar--and you saw before you the banks of the Ganges +and the white troops of women, streaming down to bathe in the river, as +their religion prescribed. + +I never forgot the words with which Bluhme rose to go: "May I borrow +the English blue-books for a few days? There might be something or +other that the newspapers have not thought fit to tell us." I started +at the words. It dawned upon me for the first time, though merely as a +remote possibility, that the Press might purposely and with intent to +mislead keep silence about facts that had a claim upon the attention of +the public. + + +IX. + +Young David had once asked me to read Ovid's Elegiacs with him, and +this was the beginning of our closer acquaintance. In town, in the +Winter, we two younger ones were only rarely with the rest of the +family, but in Summer it was different. The Minister had built a house +at Rungsted, on a piece of land belonging to his brother, who was a +farmer and the owner of Rungstedgaard, Rungstedlund and Folehavegaard, +a shrewd and practical man. To this villa, which was in a beautiful +situation, overlooking the sea, I was often invited by my friend to +spend a few days in the Summer, sometimes even a month at a time. At +first, of course, I was nothing to the rest of the family; they +received me for the son's sake; but by degrees I won a footing with +them, too. The handsome, clever and sprightly mistress of the house +took a motherly interest in me, and the young daughters showed me +kindness for which I was very grateful. + +The master of the house sometimes related an anecdote, as, for +instance, about Heiberg's mad pranks as a young man. When he went off +into the woods and got hungry, he used to take provisions from the +stores in the lockers of the phaetons that put up at Klampenborg, while +the people were walking about in the park, and the coachmen inside the +public-house. One day, with Möhl and David, he got hold of a huge +layer-cake. The young fellows had devoured a good half of it and +replaced it under the seat of the carriage, when the family came back, +caught sight of Heiberg, whom they knew, and invited the young men to +have a piece of cake and a glass of wine. When they made the horrifying +discovery of the havoc that had been wrought, they themselves would not +touch it, and the robbers, who were stuffed already, were obliged to +consume the remainder of the cake between them. + +There was often music at the Villa; sometimes I was asked to read +aloud, and then I did my best, choosing good pieces not well known, and +reading carefully. The pleasant outdoor life gave me a few glimpses of +that rare and ardently desired thing, still contentment. It was more +particularly alone with Nature that I felt myself at home. + +A loose page from my diary of those days will serve to indicate the +untried forces that I felt stirring within me: + + On the way down, the sky was dappled with large and many-coloured + clouds. I wandered about in the woods to-day, among the oaks and + beeches, and saw the sun gilding the leaves and the tree-trunks, lay + down under a tree with my Greek Homer and read the first and second + books of the Odyssey. Went backwards and forwards in the clover field, + revelled in the clover, smelt it, and sucked the juice of the flowers. I + have the same splendid view as of old from my window. The sea, in all + its flat expanse, moved in towards me to greet me, when I arrived. It + was roaring and foaming mildly. Hveen could be seen quite clearly. Now + the wind is busy outside my window, the sea is stormy, the dark heavens + show streaks of moonlight.... + + East wind and rain. Went as far as Valloröd in a furious wind. The sky + kept clear; a dark red patch of colour showed the position of the Sun on + the horizon. The Moon has got up hurriedly, has turned from red to + yellow, and looks lovely. I am drunk with the beauties of Nature. Go to + Folehave and feel, like the gods in Homer, without a care.... + + I can never get sleepy out in the open country on a windy night. Rested + a little, got up at four o'clock, went at full speed along soaked roads + to Humlebaek, to Gurre Ruins and lake, through the woods to Fredensborg + park, back to Humlebaek, and came home to Rungsted by steamer. Then went + up on the hill. Quiet beauty of the landscape. Feeling that Nature + raises even the fallen into purer, loftier regions. Took the Odyssey and + went along the field-path to the stone table; cool, fresh air, harmony + and splendour over Nature. "Wildly soars the hawk." Went up into the + sunlit wood at Hörsholm, gazed at the melancholy expression in the faces + of the horses and sheep. + + I made ducks and drakes and asked the others riddles. A woman came and + begged for help to bury her husband; he had had such an easy death. (She + is said to have killed him with a blow from a wooden shoe.) Sat under a + giant beech in Rungsted Wood; then had a splendid drive after the heavy + rain up to Folehave and thence to Hörsholm. Everything was as fresh and + lovely as in an enchanted land. What a freshness! The church and the + trees mirrored themselves in the lake. The device on my shield shall be + three lucky peas. [Footnote: There seems to be some such legendary + virtue attached in Denmark to a pea-pod containing _three_ or + _nine_ peas, as with us to a four-leaved clover.--[Translator's + note.]] To Vedbaek and back. We were going for a row. My hostess agreed, + but as we had a large, heavy and clumsy boat, they were all nervous. + Then Ludvig's rowlock snapped and he caught a crab. It was no wonder, as + he was rowing too deep. So I took both sculls myself. It was tiring to + pull the heavy boat with so many, but the sea was inexpressibly lovely, + the evening dead calm. Silver sheen on the water, visible to the + observant and initiated Nature-lover. Ripple from the west wind (GREEK: + phrhix). + + Grubbed in the shingle, and went to Folehave. Gathered flowers and + strawberries. My fingers still smell of strawberries. + + Went out at night. Pictures of my fancy rose around me. A Summer's + night, but as cold as Winter, the clouds banked up on the horizon. + Suppose in the wind and cold and dark I were to meet one I know! Over + the corn the wind whispered or whistled a name. The waves dashed in a + short little beat against the shore. It is only the sea that is as + Nature made it; the land in a thousand ways is robbed of its virginity + by human hands, but the sea now is as it was thousands of years ago. A + thick fog rose up. The birches bent their heads and went to sleep. But I + can hear the grass grow and the stars sing. + +Gradually my association with Ludvig David grew more and more intimate, +and the latter proved himself a constant friend. A few years after our +friendship had begun, when things were looking rather black for me, my +father having suffered great business losses, and no longer being able +to give me the same help as before, Ludvig David invited me to go and +live altogether at his father's house, and be like a son there--an +offer which I of course refused, but which affected me deeply, +especially when I learnt that it had only been made after the whole +family had been consulted. + + +X. + +In November, 1859, at exactly the same time as Kappers' "literary and +scientific" society was started, a fellow-student named Grönbeck, from +Falster, who knew the family of Caspar Paludan-Müller, the historian, +proposed my joining another little society of young students, of whom +Grönbeck thought very highly on account of their altogether unusual +knowledge of books and men. + +In the old Students' Union in Boldhusgade, the only meeting-place at +that time for students, which was always regarded in a poetic light, I +had not found what I wanted. There was no life in it, and at the +convivial meetings on Saturday night the punch was bad, the speeches +were generally bad, and the songs were good only once in a way. + +I had just joined one new society, but I never rejected any prospect of +acquaintances from whom I could learn anything, and nothing was too +much for me. So I willingly agreed, and one evening late in November I +was introduced to the society so extolled by Grönbeck, which called +itself neither "literary" nor "scientific," had no other object than +sociability, and met at Ehlers' College, in the rooms of a young +philological student, Frederik Nutzhorn. + +Expecting as I did something out of the ordinary, I was very much +disappointed. The society proved to be quite vague and indefinite. +Those present, the host, a certain Jens Paludan-Müller, son of the +historian, a certain Julius Lange, son of the Professor of Pedagogy, +and a few others, received me as though they had been waiting for me to +put the society on its legs; they talked as if I were going to do +everything to entertain them, and as if they themselves cared to do +nothing; they seemed to be indolent, almost sluggish. First we read +aloud in turns from Björnson's _Arne_, which was then new; a lagging +conversation followed. Nutzhorn talked nonsense, Paludan-Müller +snuffled, Julius Lange alone occasionally let fall a humorous remark. +The contrast between Nutzhorn's band, who took sociability calmly and +quietly, and Kappers' circle, which met to work and discuss things to +its utmost capacity, was striking. The band seemed exceedingly +phlegmatic in comparison. + +This first impression was modified at subsequent meetings. As I talked +to these young men I discovered, first and foremost, how ignorant I was +of political history and the history of art; in the next place, I +seemed, in comparison with them, to be old in my opinions and my +habits. They called themselves Republicans, for instance, whereas +Republicanism in Denmark had in my eyes hitherto been mere youthful +folly. Then again, they were very unconventional in their habits. After +a party near Christmas time, which was distinguished by a pretty song +by Julius Lange, they proposed--at twelve o'clock at night!--that we +should go to Frederiksborg. And extravagances of this kind were not +infrequent. + +Still it was only towards midsummer 1860 that I became properly merged +into the new circle and felt myself at home in it. It had been +increased by two or three first-rate fellows, Harald Paulsen, at the +present time Lord Chief Justice, a courageous young fellow, who was not +afraid of tackling any ruffian who interfered with him in a defile; +Troels Lund, then studying theology, later on the esteemed historian, +who was always refined, self-controlled, thoughtful, and on occasion +caustic, great at feints in the fencing class; and Emil Petersen, then +studying law (died in 1890, as Departmental Head of Railways), gentle, +dreamy, exceedingly conscientious, with a marked lyric tendency. + +One evening, shortly before Midsummer's eve, when we had gone out to +Vedbaek, fetched Emil Petersen from Tryggeröd and thoroughly enjoyed +the beautiful scenery, we had a wrestling match out in the water off +Skodsborg and a supper party afterwards at which, under the influence +of the company, the gaiety rose to a wild pitch and eventually passed +all bounds. We made speeches, sang, shouted our witticisms at each +other all at once, seized each other round the waist and danced, till +we had to stop for sheer tiredness. Then we all drank pledges of +eternal friendship, and trooped into the town together, and hammered at +the doors of the coffee-houses after midnight to try to get in +somewhere where we could have coffee. We had learnt all at once to know +and appreciate each other to the full; we were united by a feeling of +brotherhood and remained friends for life. The life allotted to several +of the little band was, it is true, but short; Jens Paludan-Müller fell +at Sankelmark three and a half years later; Nutzhorn had only five +years and a half to live. Of the others, Emil Petersen and Julius Lange +are dead. But, whether our lives were long or short, our meetings +frequent or rare, we continued to be cordially attached to one another, +and no misunderstanding or ill-feeling ever cropped up between us. + + +XI. + +Among my Danish excursions was one to Slesvig in July, 1860. The +Copenhagen students had been asked to attend a festival to be held at +Angel at the end of July for the strengthening of the sparse Danish +element in that German-minded region. There were not many who wished to +go, but several of those who did had beautiful voices, and sang +feelingly the national songs with which it was hoped the hearts of the +Angel people, and especially of the ladies, might be touched. Several +gentlemen still living, at that time among the recognised leaders of +the students, went with us. + +We sailed from Korsör to Flensborg one exquisite Summer night; we gave +up the berths we had secured and stayed all night on deck with a bowl +of punch. It was a starlight night, the ship cut rapidly through the +calm waters, beautiful songs were sung and high-flown speeches made. +One speech was held in a whisper, the one in honour of General de Meza, +who was still a universal favourite, and who was sitting in his +stateroom, waked up out of his sleep, with his white gloves and gaufred +lace cuffs on and a red and white night-cap on his head. We young ones +only thought of him as the man who, during the battle of Fredericia, +had never moved a muscle of his face, and when it was over had said +quietly: "The result is very satisfactory." + +Unfriendly and sneering looks from the windows at Flensborg very soon +showed the travellers that Danish students' caps were not a welcome +sight there. The Angel peasants, however, were very pleasant. The +festival, which lasted all day and concluded with dancing and +fireworks, was a great success, and a young man who had been carousing +all night, travelling all day, and had danced all the evening with +pretty girls till his senses were in a whirl, could not help regarding +the scene of the festival in a romantic light, as he stood there alone, +late at night, surrounded by flaring torches, the fireworks sputtering +and glittering about him. Some few of the students sat in the fields +round flaming rings of pitch, an old Angel peasant keeping the fires +alight and singing Danish songs. Absolutely enraptured, and with tears +in his eyes, he went about shaking hands with the young men and +thanking them for coming. It was peculiarly solemn and beautiful. + +Next day, when I got out at Egebaek station on my way from Flensborg, +intending to go to Idsted, it seemed that three other young men had had +the same idea, so we all four walked together. They were young men of a +type I had not met with before. The way they felt and spoke was new to +me. They all talked in a very affectionate manner, betrayed at once +that they worshipped one another, and seemed to have strong, open +natures, much resembling each other. They were Ernst Trier, Nörregaard, +and Baagöe, later the three well-known High School men. + +The little band arrived at a quick pace on Idsted's beautiful heath, +all tufts of ling, the red blossoms of which looked lovely in the light +of the setting sun. We sat ourselves down on the hill where Baudissin +and his staff had stood. Then Baagöe read aloud Hammerich's description +of the battle of Idsted, while each of us in his mind's eye saw the +seething masses of troops advance and fall upon one another, as they +had done just ten years before. + +Our time was short, if we wanted to get under a roof that night. At 9 +o'clock we were still eight miles from Slesvig. We did the first four +at a pace that was novel to me. Three-parts of the way we covered in +forty-five minutes, the last two miles took us twenty. When we arrived +at the hotel, there stood Madam Esselbach, of war renown, in the +doorway, with her hands on her hips, as in her portrait; she summed up +the arrivals with shrewd, sharp eyes, and exclaimed: "_Das ist ja das +junge Dänemark_." Inside, officers were sitting, playing cards. Major +Sommer promised us young men to show us Gottorp at 6 o'clock next +morning; we should then get a view of the whole of the town from +Hersterberg beforehand. + +The Major, who was attacked in the newspapers after the war, and whose +expression "my maiden sword," was made great fun of, showed us younger +ones the magnificent church, and afterwards the castle, which, as a +barracks, was quite spoilt. He acted as the father of the regiment, +and, like Poul Möller's artist, encouraged the efficient, and said hard +words to the slighty, praising or blaming unceasingly, chatted Danish +to the soldiers, Low German to the cook, High German to the little +housekeeper at the castle, and called the attention of his guests to +the perfect order and cleanliness of the stables. He complained +bitterly that a certain senior lieutenant he pointed out to us, who in +1848 had flung his cockade in the gutter and gone over to the Germans, +had been reinstated in the regiment, and placed over the heads of brave +second-lieutenants who had won their crosses in the war. + +Here I parted with my Grundtvigian friends. When I spoke of them to +Julius Lange on my return, he remarked: "They are a good sort, who wear +their hearts in their buttonholes as decorations." + +The society I fell in with for the rest of my journey was very droll. +This consisted of Borup, later Mayor of Finance, and a journalist named +Falkman (really Petersen), even at that time on the staff of _The Dally +Paper_. I little guessed then that my somewhat vulgar travelling +companion would develop into the Cato who wished Ibsen's _Ghosts_ +"might be thrust into the slime-pit, where such things belong," and +would write articles by the hundred against me. Neither had I any +suspicion, during my acquaintance with Topsöe, that the latter would +one day be one of my most determined persecutors. Without exactly being +strikingly youthful, the large, broad-shouldered Borup was still a +young man. Falkman wrote good-humouredly long reports to Bille about +Slesvig, which I corrected for him. Borup and Falkman generally +exclaimed the moment I opened my mouth: "Not seraphic, now!" + +We travelled together to Glücksborg, saw the camp there, and, as we had +had nothing since our morning coffee at 5 o'clock, ate between the +three of us a piece of roast meat six pounds weight. We spent the night +at Flensborg and drove next day to Graasten along a lovely road with +wooded banks on either side. It was pouring with rain, and we sat in +dead silence, trying to roll ourselves up in horse-cloths. When in an +hour's time the rain stopped, and we put up at an inn, our enforced +silence gave place to the wildest merriment. We three young +fellows--the future Finance Minister as well--danced into the parlour, +hopped about like wild men, spilt milk over ourselves, the sofa, and +the waitress; then sprang, waltzing and laughing, out through the door +again and up into the carriage, after having heaped the girl with small +copper coins. + +From Graasten we proceeded to Sönderborg. The older men lay down and +slept after the meal. I went up to Dybbölmölle. On the way back, I +found on a hill looking out over Als a bench from which there was a +beautiful view across to Slesvig. I lay down on the seat and gazed up +at the sky and across the perfect country. The light fields, with their +tall, dark hedges, which give the Slesvig scenery its peculiar stamp, +from this high-lying position looked absolutely lovely. + + +XII. + +I was not given to looking at life in a rosy light. My nature, one +uninterrupted endeavour, was too tense for that. Although I +occasionally felt the spontaneous enjoyments of breathing the fresh +air, seeing the sun shine, and listening to the whistling of the wind, +and always delighted in the fact that I was in the heyday of my youth, +there was yet a considerable element of melancholy in my temperament, +and I was so loth to abandon myself to any illusion that when I looked +into my own heart and summed up my own life it seemed to me that I had +never been happy for a day. I did not know what it was to be happy for +a whole day at a time, scarcely for an hour. I had only known a +moment's rapture in the companionship of my comrades at a merry-making, +in intercourse with a friend, under the influence of the beauties of +Nature, or the charm of women, or in delight at gaining intellectual +riches--during the reading of a poem, the sight of a play, or when +absorbed in a work of art. + +Any feeling that I was enriching my mind from those surrounding me was +unfortunately rare with me. Almost always, when talking to strangers, I +felt the exact opposite, which annoyed me exceedingly, namely, that I +was being intellectually sucked, squeezed like a lemon, and whereas I +was never bored when alone, in the society of other people I suffered +overwhelmingly from boredom. In fact, I was so bored by the visits +heaped upon me by my comrades and acquaintances, who inconsiderately +wasted my time, in order to kill a few hours, that I was almost driven +to despair; I was too young obstinately to refuse to see them. + +By degrees, the thought of the boredom that I suffered at almost all +social functions dominated my mind to such an extent that I wrote a +little fairy tale about boredom, by no means bad (but unfortunately +lost), round an idea which I saw several years later treated in another +way in Sibbern's well-known book of the year 2135. This fairy tale was +read aloud to Nutzhorn's band and met with its approval. + +But although I could thus by no means be called of a happy disposition, +I was, by reason of my overflowing youth, in a constant state of +elation, which, as soon as the company of others brought me out of my +usual balance, acted like exuberant mirth and made me burst out +laughing. + +I was noted, among my comrades, and not always to my advantage, for my +absolutely ungovernable risibility. I had an exceedingly keen eye for +the ridiculous, and easily influenced as I still was, I could not +content myself with a smile. Not infrequently, when walking about the +town, I used to laugh the whole length of a street. There were times +when I was quite incapable of controlling my laughter; I laughed like a +child, and it was incomprehensible to me that people could go so +soberly and solemnly about. If a person stared straight at me, it made +me laugh. If a girl flirted a little with me, I laughed in her face. +One day I went out and saw two drunken labourers, in a cab, each with a +wreath on his knee; I was obliged to laugh; I met an old dandy whom I +knew, with two coats on, one of which hung down below the other; I had +to laugh at that, too. Sometimes, walking or standing, absorbed in +thoughts, I was outwardly abstracted, and answered mechanically, or +spoke in a manner unsuited to my words; if I noticed this myself, I +could not refrain from laughing aloud at my own absent-mindedness. It +occasionally happened that at an evening party, where I had been +introduced by the son of the house to a stiff family to whom I was a +stranger, and where the conversation at table was being carried on in +laboured monosyllables, I would begin to laugh so unrestrainedly that +every one stared at me in anger or amazement. And it occasionally +happened that when some sad event, concerning people present, was being +discussed, the recollection of something comical I had seen or heard +the same day would crop up in my mind to the exclusion of all else, and +I would be overtaken by fits of laughter that were both +incomprehensible and wounding to those round me, but which it was +impossible to me to repress. At funeral ceremonies, I was in such dread +of bursting out laughing that my attention would involuntarily fix +itself on everything it ought to avoid. This habit of mine was +particularly trying when my laughter had a ruffling effect on others in +a thing that I myself was anxious to carry through. Thus I spoilt the +first rehearsals of Sophocles' Greek play _Philoctetes_, which a little +group of students were preparing to act at the request of Julius Lange. +Some of them pronounced the Greek in an unusual manner, others had +forgotten their parts or acted badly--and that was quite enough to set +me off in a fit of laughter which I had difficulty in stopping. Thus I +often laughed, when I was tormented at being compelled to laugh, in +reality feeling melancholy, and mentally worried; I used to think of +Oechlenschläger's Oervarodd, who does not laugh when he is happy, but +breaks into a guffaw when he is deeply affected. + +These fits of laughter were in reality the outcome of sheer +youthfulness; with all my musings and reflection, I was still in many +ways a child; I laughed as boys and girls laugh, without being able to +stop, and especially when they ought not. But this painful trait in +myself directed my thoughts to the nature proper of laughter; I tried +to sum up to myself why I laughed, and why people in general laughed, +pondered, as well as I was capable of doing the question of what the +comical consisted of, and then recorded the fruits of my reflections in +my second long treatise, _On Laughter_, which has been lost. + +As I approached my twentieth year, these fits of laughter stopped. "I +have," wrote I at the time, "seen into that Realm of Sighs, on the +threshold of which I--like Parmeniscus after consulting the Oracle of +Trophonius--have suddenly forgotten how to laugh." + + +XIII. + +Meanwhile I had completed my eighteenth year and had to make my choice +of a profession. But what was I fitted for? My parents, and those other +of my relations whose opinions I valued, wished me to take up the law; +they thought that I might make a good barrister; but I myself held +back, and during my first year of study did not attend a single law +lecture. In July, 1860, after I had passed my philosophical examination +(with _Distinction_ in every subject), the question became urgent. +Whether I was likely to exhibit any considerable talent as a writer, it +was impossible for me to determine. There was only one thing that I +felt clear about, and that was that I should never be contented with a +subordinate position in the literary world; better a hundred times be a +judge in a provincial town. I felt an inward conviction that I should +make my way as a writer. It seemed to me that a deathlike stillness +reigned for the time being over European literature, but that there +were mighty forces working in the silence. I believed that a revival +was imminent. In August, 1860, I wrote in my private papers: "We Danes, +with our national culture and our knowledge of the literatures of other +countries, will stand well equipped when the literary horn of the Gods +resounds again through the world, calling fiery youth to battle. I am +firmly convinced that that time will come and that I shall be, if not +the one who evokes it in the North, at any rate one who will contribute +greatly towards it." + +One of the first books I had read as a student was Goethe's _Dichtung +und Wahrheit_, and this career had extraordinarily impressed me. In my +childlike enthusiasm I determined to read all the books that Goethe +says that he read as a boy, and thus commenced and finished +Winckelmann's collected works, Lessing's _Laocoon_ and other books of +artistic and archaeological research; in other words, studied the +history and philosophy of Art in the first instance under aspects +which, from the point of view of subsequent research, were altogether +antiquated, though in themselves, and in their day, valuable enough. + +Goethe's life fascinated me for a time to such an extent that I found +duplicates of the characters in the book everywhere. An old language +master, to whom I went early in the morning, in order to acquire from +him the knowledge of English which had not been taught me at school, +reminded me vividly, for instance, of the old dancing master in Goethe, +and my impression was borne out when I discovered that he, too, had two +pretty daughters. A more important point was that the book awoke in me +a restless thirst for knowledge, at the same time that I conceived a +mental picture of Goethe's monumental personality and began to be +influenced by the universality of his genius. + +Meanwhile, circumstances at home forced me, without further +vacillation, to take up some special branch of study. The prospects +literature presented were too remote. For Physics I had no talent; the +logical bent of my abilities seemed to point in the direction of the +Law; so Jurisprudentia was selected and my studies commenced. + +The University lectures, as given by Professors Aagesen and Gram, were +appalling; they consisted of a slow, sleepy dictation. A death-like +dreariness brooded always over the lecture halls. Aagesen was +especially unendurable; there was no trace of anything human or living +about his dictation. Gram had a kind, well-intentioned personality, but +had barely reached his desk than it seemed as though he, too, were +saying: "I am a human being, everything human is alien to me." + +We consequently had to pursue our studies with the help of a coach, and +the one whom I, together with Kappers, Ludvig David and a few others, +had chosen, Otto Algreen-Ussing, was both a capable and a pleasant +guide. Five years were yet to elapse before this man and his even more +gifted brother, Frederik, on the formation of the Loyal and +Conservative Society of August, were persecuted and ridiculed as +reactionaries, by the editors of the ascendant Press, who, only a few +years later, proved themselves to be ten times more reactionary +themselves. Otto was positively enthusiastic over Law; he used to +declare that a barrister "was the finest thing a man could be." + +However, he did not succeed in infecting me with his enthusiasm. I took +pains, but there was little in the subject that aroused my interest. +Christian the Fifth's _Danish Law_ attracted me exclusively on account +of its language and the perspicuity and pithiness of the expressions +occasionally made use of. + +With this exception what impressed me most of all that I heard in the +lessons was Anders Sandöe Oersted's _Interpretation of the Law_. When I +had read and re-read a passage of law which seemed to me to be easily +intelligible, and only capable of being understood in one way, how +could I do other than marvel and be seized with admiration, when the +coach read out Oersted's Interpretation, proving that the Law was +miserably couched, and could be expounded in three or four different +ways, all contradicting one another! But this Oersted very often did +prove in an irrefutable manner. + +In my lack of receptivity for legal details, and my want of interest in +Positive Law, I flung myself with all the greater fervour into the +study of what in olden times was called Natural Law, and plunged again +and again into the study of Legal Philosophy. + + +XIV. + +About the same time as my legal studies were thus beginning, I planned +out a study of Philosophy and Aesthetics on a large scale as well. My +day was systematically filled up from early morning till late at night, +and there was time for everything, for ancient and modern languages, +for law lessons with the coach, for the lectures in philosophy which +Professors H. Bröchner and R. Nielsen were holding for more advanced +students, and for independent reading of a literary, scientific and +historic description. + +One of the masters who had taught me at school, a very erudite +philologian, now Dr. Oscar Siesbye, offered me gratuitous instruction, +and with his help several of the tragedies of Sophocles and Euripides, +various things of Plato's, and comedies by Plautus and Terence were +carefully studied. + +Frederik Nutzhorn read the _Edda_ and the _Niebelungenlied_ with me in +the originals; with Jens Paludan-Müller I went through the New +Testament in Greek, and with Julius Lange, Aeschylus, Sophocles, +Pindar, Horace and Ovid, and a little of Aristotle and Theocritus. +Catullus, Martial and Caesar I read for myself. + +But I did not find any positive inspiration in my studies until I +approached my nineteenth year. In philosophy I had hitherto mastered +only a few books by Sören Kierkegaard. But now I began a conscientious +study of Heiberg's philosophical writings and honestly endeavoured to +make myself familiar with his speculative logic. As Heiberg's _Prose +Writings_ came out, in the 1861 edition, they were studied with extreme +care. Heiberg's death in 1860 was a great grief to me; as a thinker I +had loved and revered him. The clearness of form and the internal +obscurity of his adaptation of Hegel's Teachings, gave one a certain +artistic satisfaction, at the same time that it provoked an effort +really to understand. + +But in the nature of things, Heiberg's philosophical life-work could +not to a student be other than an admission into Hegel's train of +thought, and an introduction to the master's own works. I was not aware +that by 1860 Europe had long passed his works by in favour of more +modern thinking. With a passionate desire to reach a comprehension of +the truth, I grappled with the System, began with the Encyclopaedia, +read the three volumes of Aesthetics, The Philosophy of Law, the +Philosophy of History, the Phenomenology of the Mind, then the +Philosophy of Law again, and finally the Logic, the Natural Philosophy +and the Philosophy of the Mind in a veritable intoxication of +comprehension and delight. One day, when a young girl towards whom I +felt attracted had asked me to go and say good-bye to her before her +departure, I forgot the time, her journey, and my promise to her, over +my Hegel. As I walked up and down my room I chanced to pull my watch +out of my pocket, and realised that I had missed my appointment and +that the girl must have started long ago. + +Hegel's Philosophy of Law had a charm for me as a legal student, partly +on account of the superiority with which the substantial quality of +Hegel's mind is there presented, and partly on account of the challenge +in the attitude of the book to accepted opinions and expressions, +"morality" here being almost the only thing Hegel objects to. + +But it was the book on Aesthetics that charmed me most of all. It was +easy to understand, and yet weighty, superabundantly rich. + +Again and again while reading Hegel's works I felt carried away with +delight at the new world of thought opening out before me. And when +anything that for a long time had been incomprehensible to me, at last +after tenacious reflection became clear, I felt what I myself called +"an unspeakable bliss." Hegel's system of thought, anticipatory of +experience, his German style, overburdened with arbitrarily constructed +technical words from the year 1810, which one might think would daunt a +young student of another country and another age, only meant to me +difficulties which it was a pleasure to overcome. Sometimes it was not +Hegelianism itself that seemed the main thing. The main thing was that +I was learning to know a world-embracing mind; I was being initiated +into an attempt to comprehend the universe which was half wisdom and +half poetry; I was obtaining an insight into a method which, if +scientifically unsatisfying, and on that ground already abandoned by +investigators, was fruitful and based upon a clever, ingenuous, highly +intellectual conception of the essence of truth; I felt myself put to +school to a great intellectual leader, and in this school I learnt to +think. + +I might, it is true, have received my initiation in a school built up +on more modern foundations; it is true that I should have saved much +time, been spared many detours, and have reached my goal more directly +had I been introduced to an empirical philosophy, or if Fate had placed +me in a school in which historical sources were examined more +critically, but not less intelligently, and in which respect for +individuality was greater. But such as the school was, I derived from +it all the benefit it could afford to my _ego_, and I perceived with +delight that my intellectual progress was being much accelerated. +Consequently it did not specially take from my feeling of having +attained a measure of scientific insight, when I learnt--what I had not +known at first--that my teachers, Hans Bröchner, as well as Rasmus +Nielsen, were agreed not to remain satisfied with the conclusions of +the German philosopher, had "got beyond Hegel." At the altitude to +which the study of philosophy had now lifted me, I saw that the +questions with which I had approached Science were incorrectly +formulated, and they fell away of themselves, even without being +answered. Words that had filled men's minds for thousands of years, +God, Infinity, Thought, Nature and Mind, Freedom and Purpose, all these +words acquired another and a deeper meaning, were stamped with a new +character, acquired a new value, and the depurated ideas which they now +expressed opposed each other, and combined with each other, until the +universe was seen pierced by a plexus of thoughts, and resting calmly +within it. + +Viewed from these heights, the petty and the every-day matters which +occupied the human herd seemed so contemptible. Of what account, for +instance, was the wrangling in the Senate and the Parliament of a +little country like Denmark compared with Hegel's vision of the mighty +march, inevitable and determined by spiritual laws, of the idea of +Freedom, through the world's History! And of what account was the daily +gossip of the newspapers, compared with the possibility now thrown open +of a life of eternal ideals, lived in and for them! + + +XV. + +I had an even deeper perception of my initiation when I went back from +Hegel to Spinoza and, filled with awe and enthusiasm, read the _Ethica_ +for the first time. Here I stood at the source of modern pantheistic +Philosophy. Here Philosophy was even more distinctly Religion, since it +took Religion's place. Though the method applied was very artificial, +purely mathematical, at least Philosophy had here the attraction of a +more original type of mind, the effect being much the same as that +produced by primitive painting, compared with a more developed stage. +His very expression, _God or Nature_, had a fascinating mysticism about +it. The chapter in the book which is devoted to the Natural History of +passions, surprised and enriched one by its simple, but profound, +explanation of the conditions of the human soul. And although his fight +against Superstition's views of life is conducted with a keenness that +scouts discussion, whereas in modern Philosophy the contention is +merely implied, it seemed as though his thoughts travelled along less +stormy paths. + +In Hegel, it had been exclusively the comprehensiveness of the thoughts +and the mode of the thought's procedure that held my attention. With +Spinoza it was different. It was his personality that attracted, the +great man in him, one of the greatest that History has known. With him +a new type had made its entrance into the world's History; he was the +calm thinker, looking down from above on this earthly life, reminding +one, by the purity and strength of his character, of Jesus, but a +contrast to Jesus, inasmuch as he was a worshipper of Nature and +Necessity, and a Pantheist. His teaching was the basis of the faith of +the new age. He was a Saint and a Heathen, seditious and pious, at the +same time. + + +XVI. + +Still, while I was in this way making a purely mental endeavour to +penetrate into as many intellectual domains as I could, and to become +master of one subject after another, I was very far from being at peace +with regard to my intellectual acquisitions, or from feeling myself in +incontestable possession of them. While I was satisfying my desire for +insight or knowledge and, by glimpses, felt my supremest happiness in +the delight of comprehension, an ever more violent struggle was going +on in my emotions. + +As my being grew and developed within me and I slowly emerged from the +double state of which I had been conscious, in other words, the more I +became one and individual and strove to be honest and true, the less I +felt myself to be a mere individual, the more I realised that I was +bound up with humanity, one link in the chain, one organ belonging to +the Universe. The philosophical Pantheism I was absorbed by, itself +worked counter to the idea of individualism inherent in me, taught me +and presented to me the union of all beings in Nature the All-Divine. +But it was not from Pantheism that the crisis of my spiritual life +proceeded; it was from the fountains of emotion which now shot up and +filled my soul with their steady flow. A love for humanity came over +me, and watered and fertilised the fields of my inner world which had +been lying fallow, and this love of humanity vented itself in a vast +compassion. + +This gradually absorbed me till I could hardly bear the thought of the +suffering, the poor, the oppressed, the victims of Injustice. I always +saw them in my mind's eye, and it seemed to be my duty to work for +them, and to be disgraceful of me to enjoy the good things of life +while so many were being starved and tortured. Often as I walked along +the streets at night I brooded over these ideas till I knew nothing of +what was passing around me, but only felt how all the forces of my +brain drew me towards those who suffered. + +There were warm-hearted and benevolent men among my near relatives. The +man whom my mother's younger sister had married had his heart in the +right place, so much indeed that he no sooner saw or heard of distress +than his hand was in his pocket, although he had little from which to +give. My father's brother was a genuinely philanthropic man, who +founded one beneficent institution or society after the other, had an +unusual power of inducing his well-to-do fellow-townsmen to carry his +schemes through, and in the elaboration of them showed a perception and +practical sense that almost amounted to genius; this was the more +surprising since his intelligence was not otherwise remarkable for its +keenness and his reasoning methods were confused. But what I felt was +quite different. My feelings were not so easily roused as those of the +first-mentioned; I was not so good-natured or so quick to act as he. +Neither did they resemble those of my other uncle, who merely +represented compassion for those unfortunately situated, but was +without the least vestige of rebellious feeling against the conditions +or the people responsible for the misery; my uncle was always content +with life as it was, saw the hand of a loving Providence everywhere and +was fully and firmly convinced that he himself was led and helped by +this same Providence, which specially watched over the launching of his +projects for the welfare of mankind. No, my feeling was of quite +another kind. Nothing was farther removed from me than this sometimes +quite childish optimism. It was not enough for me to advertise the +sufferings of a few individuals and, when possible, alleviate them; I +sought the causes of them in brutality and injustice. Neither could I +recognise the finger of a Universal Ruler in a confusion of +coincidences, conversations, newspaper articles, and advice by prudent +men, the outcome of all which was the founding of a society for +seamstresses or the erection of a hospital to counteract the misery +that the Controlling Power had Itself occasioned. I was a child no +longer, and in that sense never had been childish. But my heart bled +none the less with sympathy for society's unfortunates. I did not as +yet perceive the necessity of that selfishness which is self-assertion, +and I felt oppressed and tormented by all that I, in my comparatively +advantageous position as a non-proletarian, enjoyed, while many others +did not. + +Then another mood, with other promptings, asserted itself. I felt an +impulse to step forward as a preacher to the world around me, to the +thoughtless and the hardhearted. Under the influence of strong emotion +I wrote an edifying discourse, _The Profitable Fear_. I began to regard +it as my duty, so soon as I was fitted for it, to go out into the town +and preach at every street-corner, regardless of whether a lay +preacher, like myself, should encounter indifference or harvest scorn. + +This course attracted me because it presented itself to me under the +guise of the most difficult thing, and, with the perversity of youth, I +thought difficulty the only criterion of duty. I only needed to hit +upon something that seemed to me to be the right thing and then say to +myself: "You dare not do it!" for all the youthful strength and daring +that was in me, all my deeper feelings of honour and of pride, all my +love of grappling with the apparently insurmountable to unite, and in +face of this _You dare not_, satisfy myself that I did dare. + +As provisionally, self-abnegation, humility, and asceticism seemed to +me to be the most difficult things, for a time my whole spiritual life +was concentrated into an endeavour to attain them. Just at this time--I +was nineteen--my family was in a rather difficult pecuniary position, +and I, quite a poor student, was cast upon my own resources. I had +consequently not much of this world's goods to renounce. From a +comfortable residence in Crown Prince's Street, my parents had moved to +a more modest flat in the exceedingly unaristocratic Salmon Street, +where I had an attic of limited dimensions with outlook over roofs by +day and a view of the stars by night. Quiet the nights were not, +inasmuch as the neighbouring houses re-echoed with screams and shrieks +from poor women, whom their late-returning husbands or lovers thrashed +in their cups. But never had I felt myself so raised, so exhilarated, +so blissfully happy, as in that room. My days slipped by in ecstasy; I +felt myself consecrated a combatant in the service of the Highest. I +used to test my body, in order to get it wholly under my control, ate +as little as possible, slept as little as possible, lay many a night +outside my bed on the bare floor, gradually to make myself as hardy as +I required to be. I tried to crush the youthful sensuality that was +awakening in me, and by degrees acquired complete mastery over myself, +so that I could be what I wished to be, a strong and willing instrument +in the fight for the victory of Truth. And I plunged afresh into study +with a passion and a delight that prevented my perceiving any lack, but +month after month carried me along, increasing in knowledge and in +mental power, growing from day to day. + + +XVII. + +This frame of mind, however, was crossed by another. The religious +transformation in my mind could not remain clear and unmuddied, placed +as I was in a society furrowed through and through by different +religious currents, issued as I was from the European races that for +thousands of years had been ploughed by religious ideas. All the +atavism, all the spectral repetition of the thoughts and ideas of the +past that can lie dormant in the mind of the individual, leaped to the +reinforcement of the harrowing religious impressions which came to me +from without. + +It was not the attitude of my friends that impressed me. All my more +intimate friends were orthodox Christians, but the attempts which +various ones, amongst them Julius Lange, and Jens Paludan-Müller, had +made to convert me had glanced off from my much more advanced thought +without making any impression. I was made of much harder metal than +they, and their attempts to alter my way of thinking did not penetrate +beyond my hide. To set my mind in vibration, there was needed a brain +that I felt superior to my own; and I did not find it in them. I found +it in the philosophical and religious writings of Sören Kierkegaard, in +such works, for instance, as _Sickness unto Death_. + +The struggle within me began, faintly, as I approached my nineteenth +year. My point of departure was this: one thing seemed to me requisite, +to live in and for _The Idea_, as the expression for the highest at +that time was. All that rose up inimical to _The Idea_ or Ideal merited +to be lashed with scorn or felled with indignation. And one day I +penned this outburst: "Heine wept over _Don Quixote_. Yes, he was +right. I could weep tears of blood when I think of the book." But the +first thing needed was to acquire a clear conception of what must be +understood by the Ideal. Heiberg had regarded the uneducated as those +devoid of ideals. But I was quite sure myself that education afforded +no criterion. And I could find no other criterion of devotion to the +Ideal than a willingness to make sacrifices. If, I said, I prove myself +less self-sacrificing than any one of the wretches I am fighting, I +shall myself incur well-merited scorn. But if self-sacrifice were the +criterion, then Jesus, according to the teachings of tradition, was the +Ideal, for who as self-sacrificing as He? + +This was an inclined plane leading to the Christian spiritual life, and +a year later, when I was nearly twenty, I had proceeded so far on this +plane that I felt myself in all essentials in agreement with the +Christian mode of feeling, inasmuch as my life was ascetic, and my +searching, striving, incessantly working mind, not only found repose, +but rapture, in prayer, and was elated and fired at the idea of being +protected and helped by "God." + +But just as I was about to complete my twentieth year, the storm broke +out over again, and during the whole of the ensuing six months raged +with unintermittent violence. Was I, at this stage of my development, a +Christian or not? And if not, was it my duty to become a Christian? + +The first thought that arose was this: It is a great effort, a constant +effort, sometimes a minutely recurring effort, to attain moral mastery +over one's self, and though this certainly need not bring with it a +feeling of self-satisfaction, much less _ought_ to do so, it does bring +with it a recognition of the value of this self-mastery. How strange, +then, that Christianity, which commands its attainment, at the same +time declares it to be a matter of indifference to the revealed God +whether a man has lived morally or not, since Faith or lack of Faith is +the one condition upon which so-called Salvation depends! + +The next thought was this: It is only in the writings of Kierkegaard, +in his teachings concerning paradox, that Christianity appears so +definite that it cannot be confused with any other spiritual trend +whatever. But when one has to make one's choice between Pantheism and +Christianity, then the question arises, Are Kierkegaard's teachings +really historic Christianity, and not rather a rational adaptation? And +this question must be answered in the negative, since it is possible to +assimilate it without touching upon the question of the revelation of +the Holy Ghost in the shape of a dove, to the Voice from the clouds, +and the whole string of miracles and dogmas. + +The next thought again was this: Pantheism does not place any one +unconditional goal in front of man. The unbeliever passes his life +interested in the many aims that man, as man, has. The Pantheist will +therefore have difficulty in living a perfect ethical life. There are +many cases in which, by deviating from the strictly ethic code, you do +not harm anyone, you only injure your own soul. The Non-Believer will +in this case only hardly, for the sake of impersonal Truth, make up his +mind to the step which the God-fearing man will take actuated by his +passionate fear of offending God. + +Thus was I tossed backwards and forwards in my reflections. + + +XVIII. + +What I dreaded most was that if I reached a recognition of the truth, a +lack of courage would prevent me decisively making it my own. Courage +was needed, as much to undertake the burdens entailed by being a +Christian as to undertake those entailed by being a Pantheist. When +thinking of Christianity, I drew a sharp distinction between the +cowardice that shrunk from renunciation and the doubt that placed under +discussion the very question as to whether renunciation were duty. And +it was clear to me that, on the road which led to Christianity, doubt +must be overcome before cowardice--not the contrary, as Kierkegaard +maintains in his _For Self-Examination_, where he says that none of the +martyrs doubted. + +But my doubt would not be overcome. Kierkegaard had declared that it +was only to the consciousness of sin that Christianity was not horror +or madness. For me it was sometimes both. I concluded therefrom that I +had no consciousness of sin, and found this idea confirmed when I +looked into my own heart. For however violently at this period I +reproached myself and condemned my failings, they were always in my +eyes weaknesses that ought to be combatted, or defects that could be +remedied, never sins that necessitated forgiveness, and for the +obtaining of this forgiveness, a Saviour. That God had died for me as +my Saviour,--I could not understand what it meant; it was an idea that +conveyed nothing to me. + +And I wondered whether the inhabitants of another planet would be able +to understand how on the Earth that which was contrary to all reason +was considered the highest truth. + + +XIX. + +With Pantheism likewise I was on my guard against its being lack of +courage, rather than a conviction of its untruth, which held me back +from embracing it. I thought it a true postulate that everything seemed +permeated and sustained by a Reason that had not human aims in front of +it and did not work by human means, a Divine Reason. Nature could only +be understood from its highest forms; the Ideal, which revealed itself +to the world of men at their highest development, was present, in +possibility and intent, in the first germ, in the mist of primeval +creation, before it divided itself into organic and inorganic elements. +The whole of Nature was in its essence Divine, and I felt myself at +heart a worshipper of Nature. + +But this same Nature was indifferent to the weal or woe of humans. It +obeyed its own laws regardless of whether men were lost thereby; it +seemed cruel in its callousness; it took care that the species should +be preserved, but the individual was nothing to it. + +Now, like all other European children, I had been brought up in the +theory of personal immortality, a theory which, amongst other things, +is one way of expressing the immense importance, the eternal +importance, which is attributed to each individual. The stronger the +feeling of his own _ego_ that the individual has, the more eagerly he +necessarily clings to the belief that he cannot be annihilated. But to +none could the belief be more precious than to a youth who felt his +life pulsate within, as if he had twenty lives in himself and twenty +more to live. It was impossible to me to realise that I could die, and +one evening, about a year later, I astonished my master, Professor +Bröchner, by confessing as much. "Indeed," said Bröchner, "are you +speaking seriously? You cannot realise that you will have to die one +day? How young! You are very different from me, who always have death +before my eyes." + +But although my vitality was so strong that I could not imagine my own +death, I knew well enough that my terrestrial life, like all other +men's, would come to an end. But I felt all the more strongly that it +was impossible everything could be at an end then; death could not be a +termination; it could only, as the religions preached and as +eighteenth-century Deism taught, be a moment of transition to a new and +fuller existence. In reward and punishment after death I could not +believe; those were mediaeval conceptions that I had long outgrown. But +the dream of immortality I could not let go. And I endeavoured to hold +it fast by virtue of the doctrine of the impossibility of anything +disappearing. The quantity of matter always remained the same; energy +survived every transformation. + +Still, I realised that this could not satisfy one, as far as the form +which we term individuality was concerned. What satisfaction was it to +Alexander that his dust should stop a bung-hole? or to Shakespeare that +Romeo and Juliet were acted in Chicago? So I took refuge in parallels +and images. Who could tell whether the soul, which on earth had been +blind to the nature of the other life, did not, in death, undergo the +operation which opened its eyes? Who could tell whether death were not, +as Sibbern had suggested, to be compared with a birth? Just as the +unborn life in its mother's womb would, if it were conscious, believe +that the revolution of birth meant annihilation, whereas it was for the +first time awakening to a new and infinitely richer life, so it was +perhaps for the soul in the dreaded moment of death.... + +But when I placed before my master these comparisons and the hopes I +built upon them, they were swept away as meaningless; he pointed out +simply that nothing went to prove a continuation of personality after +death, while on the contrary everything argued against it,--and to this +I could not refuse my assent. + +Then I understood that in what I called Pantheism, the immortality of +the individual had no place. And a slow, internal struggle commenced +for renunciation of the importance and value of the individual. I had +many a conversation on this point with my teacher, a man tired of life +and thoroughly resigned. + +He always maintained that the desire of the individual for a +continuation of personality was nothing but the outcome of vanity. He +would very often put the question in a comical light. He related the +following anecdote: In summer evenings he used to go for a walk along +the Philosopher's Avenue (now West Rampart Street). Here he had +frequently met, sitting on their benches, four or five old gentlemen +who took their evening ramble at the same time; by degrees they made +each other's acquaintance and got into conversation with one another. +It turned out that the old gentlemen were candle-makers who had retired +from business and now had considerable difficulty in passing their time +away. In reality they were always bored, and they yawned incessantly. +These men had one theme only, to which they always recurred with +enthusiasm--their hope in personal immortality for all eternity. And it +amused Bröchner that they, who in this life did not know how to kill so +much as one Sunday evening, should be so passionately anxious to have a +whole eternity to fill up. His pupil then caught a glimpse himself of +the grotesqueness of wishing to endure for millions of centuries, which +time even then was nothing in comparison with eternity. + + +XX. + +But in spite of it all, it was a hard saying, that in the pantheistic +view of life the absorption of the individual into the great whole took +the place of the continued personal existence which was desired by the +_ego_. But what frightened me even more was that the divine All was not +to be moved or diverted by prayer. But pray I had to. From my earliest +childhood I had been accustomed, in anxiety or necessity, to turn my +thoughts towards a Higher Power, first forming my needs and wishes into +words, and then later, without words, concentrating myself in worship. +It was a need inherited from many hundreds of generations of +forefathers, this need of invoking help and comfort. Nomads of the +plains, Bedouins of the desert, ironclad warriors, pious priests, +roving sailors, travelling merchants, the citizen of the town and the +peasant in the country, all had prayed for centuries, and from the very +dawn of time; the women, the hundreds and hundreds of women from whom I +was descended, had centred all their being in prayer. It was terrible, +never to be able to pray again.... Never to be able to fold one's +hands, never to raise one's eyes above, but to live, shut in overhead, +alone in the universe! + +If there were no eye in Heaven that watched over the individual, no ear +that understood his plaint, no hand that protected him in danger, then +he was placed, as it were, on a desolate steppe where the wolves were +howling. + +And in alarm I tried once more the path towards religious quietude that +I had recently deemed impracticable,--until the fight within me calmed +again, and in renunciation I forced my emotion to bow to what my reason +had acknowledged as the Truth. + + + + +ADOLESCENCE + +Julius Lange--A New Master--Inadaption to the Law--The University Prize +Competition--An Interview with the Judges--Meeting of Scandinavian +Students--The Paludan-Müllers--Björnstjerne Björnson--Magdalene +Thoresen--The Gold Medal--The Death of King Frederik VII--The Political +Situation--My Master of Arts Examination--War--_Admissus cum laude +praecipua_--Academical Attention--Lecturing--Music--Nature--A Walking +Tour--In Print--Philosophical Life in Denmark--Death of Ludwig +David--Stockholm. + + +I. + +Among my many good comrades, there was one, Julius Lange, with whom +comradeship had developed into friendship, and this friendship again +assumed a passionate character. We were the two, who, of them all, were +most exactly suited to one another, completed one another. +Fundamentally different though we were, we could always teach each +other something. We grew indispensable to one another; for years there +seldom a day went by that we did not meet. The association with his +junior cannot possibly have given Julius Lange a delight corresponding +to that which his society gave me. Intellectually equal, we were of +temperaments diametrically opposed. Having the same love of Art and the +same enthusiasm for Art,--save that the one cared more for its +pictorial and the other for its literary expression,--we were of mutual +assistance to one another in the interchange of thoughts and +information. Entirely at variance in our attitude towards religious +tradition, in our frequent collisions we were both perpetually being +challenged to a critical inspection of our intellectual furniture. But +I was the one who did the worshipping. + +When Julius Lange, on December 17, 1861, after having twice been to see +me and found me out, the third time met with me and informed me: "I +have received an invitation to go to Italy on Saturday and be away five +months," was, though surprised, exceedingly glad for my friend's sake, +but at the same time I felt as if I had received a blow in the face. +What would become of me, not only during the interval, but afterwards? +Who could say whether Lange would ever come back, or whether he would +not come back changed? How should I be able to endure my life! I should +have to work tremendously hard, to be able to bear the loss of him. I +could hardly understand how I should be able to exist when I could no +longer, evening after evening, slip up to my friend's little room to +sit there in calm, quiet contentment, seeing pictures and exchanging +thoughts! It was as though a nerve had been cut. I only then realised +that I had never loved any man so much. I had had four eyes; now I had +only two again; I had had two brains; now I had only one; in my heart I +had felt the happiness of two human beings; now only the melancholy of +one was left behind. + +There was not a painting, a drawing, a statue or a bas-relief in the +galleries and museums of Copenhagen that we had not studied together +and compared our impressions of. We had been to Thorwaldsen's Museum +together, we went together to Bissen's studio, where in November, 1861, +I met for the first time my subsequent friends, Vilhelm Bissen and +Walter Runeberg. The memory of Julius Lange was associated in my mind +with every picture of Hobbema, Dubbels or Ruysdael, Rembrandt or +Rubens, every reproduction of Italian Renaissance art, every photograph +of church or castle. And I myself loved pictures even more ardently +than poetry. I was fond of comparing my relations with literature to +affection for a being of the same sex; my passion for pictures to the +stormy passion of a youth for a woman. It is true that I knew much less +about Art than about Poetry, but that made no difference. I worshipped +my favourite artists with a more impetuous enthusiasm than any of my +favourite authors. And this affection for pictures and statuary was a +link between my friend and myself. When we were sitting in my room +together, and another visitor happened to be there, I positively +suffered over the sacrifice of an hour's enjoyment and when Lange got +up to go, I felt as though a window had been slammed to, and the fresh +air shut out. + + +II. + +I had for a long time pursued my non-juridic studies as well as I could +without the assistance of a teacher. But I had felt the want of one. +And when a newly appointed docent at the University, Professor H. +Bröchner, offered instruction in the study of Philosophy to any who +cared to present themselves at his house at certain hours, I had felt +strongly tempted to take advantage of his offer. I hesitated for some +time, for I was unwilling to give up the least portion of my precious +freedom; I enjoyed my retirement, the mystery of my modest life of +study, but on the other hand I could not grapple with Plato and +Aristotle without the hints of a competent guide as to the why and +wherefore. + +I was greatly excited. I had heard Professor Bröchner speak on +Psychology, but his diction was handled with such painful care, was so +monotonous and sounded so strange, that it could not fail to alarm. It +was only the professor's distinguished and handsome face that attracted +me, and in particular his large, sorrowful eyes, with their beautiful +expression, in which one read a life of deep research--and tears. Now, +I determined to venture up to Bröchner. But I had not the courage to +mention it to my mother beforehand, for fear speaking of it should +frighten me from my resolution, so uneasy did I feel about the step I +was taking. When the day which I had fixed upon for the attempt +arrived--it was the 2nd of September, 1861,--I walked up and down in +front of the house several times before I could make up my mind to go +upstairs; I tried to calculate beforehand what the professor would say, +and what it would be best for me to reply, interminably. + +The tall, handsome man with the appearance of a Spanish knight, opened +the door himself and received the young fellow who was soon to become +his most intimate pupil, very kindly. To my amazement, as soon as he +heard my name, he knew which school I had come from and also that I had +recently become a student. He vigorously dissuaded me from going +through a course of Plato and Aristotle, saying it would be too great a +strain--said, or implied, that I should be spared the difficult path he +had himself traversed, and sketched out a plan of study of more modern +Philosophy and Aesthetics. His manner inspired confidence and left +behind it the main impression that he wished to save the beginner all +useless exertion. All the same, with my youthful energy, I felt, as I +went home, a shade disappointed that I was not to begin the History of +Philosophy from the beginning. + +My visit was soon repeated, and a most affectionate intimacy quickly +sprang up between master and pupil, revealed on the side of the elder, +in an attitude of fatherly goodwill to which the younger had hitherto +been a stranger, the teacher, while instructing his pupil and giving +him practical guidance, constantly keeping in view all that could +further his well-being and assist his future; my attitude was one of +reverence and affection, and of profound gratitude for the care of +which I was the object. + +I certainly, sometimes, in face of my master's great thoroughness and +his skill in wrestling with the most difficult thoughts, felt a painful +distrust of my own capacity and of my own intellectual powers, compared +with his. I was also not infrequently vexed by a discordant note, as it +were, being struck in our intercourse, when Bröchner, despite the +doubts and objections I brought forward, always took it for granted +that I shared his pantheistic opinions, without perceiving that I was +still tossed about by doubts, and fumbling after a firm foothold. But +the confidential terms upon which I was with the maturer man had an +attraction for me which my intimacy with undecided and youthfully +prejudiced comrades necessarily lacked; he had the experience of a +lifetime behind him, he looked down from superior heights on the +sympathies and antipathies of a young man. + +To me, for instance, Ploug's _The Fatherland_ was at that time +Denmark's most intellectual organ, whereas Bille's _Daily Paper_ +disgusted me, more particularly on account of the superficiality and +the tone of finality which distinguished its literary criticisms. +Bröchner, who, with not unmixed benevolence, and without making any +special distinction between the two, looked down on both these papers +of the educated mediocrity, saw in his young pupil's bitterness against +the trivial but useful little daily, only an indication of the quality +of his mind. Bröchner's mere manner, as he remarked one day with a +smile, "You do not read _The Daily Paper_ on principle," made me +perceive in a flash the comicality of my indignation over such articles +as it contained. My horizon was still sufficiently circumscribed for me +to suppose that the state of affairs in Copenhagen was, in and of +itself, of importance. I myself regarded my horizon as wide. One day, +when making a mental valuation of myself, I wrote, with the naïveté of +nineteen, "My good qualities, those which will constitute my +personality, if I ever become of any account, are a mighty and ardent +enthusiasm, a thorough authority in the service of Truth, _a wide +horizon_ and philosophically trained thinking powers. These must make +up for my lack of humour and facility." + +It was only several years after the beginning of our acquaintance that +I felt myself in essential agreement with Hans Bröchner. I had been +enraptured by a study of Ludwig Feuerbach's books, for Feuerbach was +the first thinker in whose writings I found the origin of the idea of +God in the human mind satisfactorily explained. In Feuerbach, too, I +found a presentment of ideas without circumlocution and without the +usual heavy formulas of German philosophy, a conquering clarity, which +had a very salutary effect on my own way of thinking and gave me a +feeling of security. If for many years I had been feeling myself more +conservative than my friend and master, there now came a time when in +many ways I felt myself to be more liberal than he, with his mysterious +life in the eternal realm of mind of which he felt himself to be a link. + + +III. + +I had not been studying Jurisprudence much more than a year before it +began to weigh very heavily upon me. The mere sight of the long rows of +_Schou's Ordinances_, which filled the whole of the back of my +writing-table, were a daily source of vexation. I often felt that I +should not be happy until the Ordinances were swept from my table. And +the lectures were always so dreary that they positively made me think +of suicide--and I so thirsty of life!--as a final means of escape from +the torment of them. I felt myself so little adapted to the Law that I +wasted my time with Hamlet-like cogitations as to how I could give up +the study without provoking my parents' displeasure, and without +stripping myself of all prospects for the future. And for quite a year +these broodings grew, till they became a perfect nightmare to me. + +I had taken a great deal of work upon myself; I gave lessons every day, +that I might have a little money coming in, took lessons myself in +several subjects, and not infrequently plunged into philosophical works +of the past, that were too difficult for me, such as the principal +works of Kant. Consequently when I was nineteen, I begun to feel my +strength going. I felt unwell, grew nervous, had a feeling that I could +not draw a deep breath, and when I was twenty my physical condition was +a violent protest against overwork. One day, while reading Kant's +_Kritik der Urteilskraft_, I felt so weak that I was obliged to go to +the doctor. The latter recommended physical exercises and cold +shower-baths. + +The baths did me good, and I grew so accustomed to them that I went on +taking them and have done so ever since. I did my gymnastic exercises +with a Swede named Nycander, who had opened an establishment for +Swedish gymnastics in Copenhagen. + +There I met, amongst others, the well-known Icelandic poet and +diplomatist, Grimur Thomsen, who bore the title of Counsellor of +Legation. His compatriots were very proud of him. Icelandic students +declared that Grimur possessed twelve dress shirts, three pairs of +patent leather boots, and had embraced a marchioness in Paris. At +gymnastics, Grimur Thomsen showed himself audacious and not seldom +coarse in what he said and hinted. It is true that by reason of my +youth I was very susceptible and took offence at things that an older +man would have heard without annoyance. + + +IV. + +I continued to be physically far from strong. Mentally, I worked +indefatigably. The means of deciding the study question that, after +long reflection, seemed to me most expedient, was this: I would compete +for one of the University prizes, either the aesthetic or the +philosophical, and then, if I won the gold medal, my parents and others +would see that if I broke with the Law it was not from idleness, but +because I really had talents in another direction. + +As early as 1860 I had cast longing eyes at the prize questions that +had been set, and which hung up in the Entrance Hall of the University. +But none of them were suited to me. In 1861 I made up my mind to +attempt a reply, even if the questions in themselves should not be +attractive. + +There was amongst them one on the proper correlation between poetic +fiction and history in the historical romances. The theme in itself did +not particularly fascinate me; but I was not ignorant of the subject, +and it was one that allowed of being looked at in a wide connection, +i.e., the claims of the subject as opposed to the imagination of the +artist, in general. I was of opinion that just as in sculpture the +human figure should not be represented with wings, but the conception +of its species be observed, so the essential nature of a past age +should be unassailed in historic fiction. Throughout numerous carefully +elaborated abstractions, extending over 120 folio pages, and in which I +aimed at scientific perspicuity, I endeavoured to give a soundly +supported theory of the limits of inventive freedom in Historical +Romance. The substructure was so painstaking that it absorbed more than +half of the treatise. Quite apart from the other defects of this tyro +handiwork, it lauded and extolled an aesthetic direction opposed to +that of both the men who were to adjudicate upon it. Hegel was +mentioned in it as "The supreme exponent of Aesthetics, a man whose +imposing greatness it is good to bow before." I likewise held with his +emancipated pupil, Fr. Th. Vischer, and vindicated him. Of Danish +thinkers, J.L. Heiberg and S. Kierkegaard were almost the only ones +discussed. + +Heiberg was certainly incessantly criticised, but was treated with +profound reverence and as a man whose slightest utterance was of +importance. Sibbern's artistic and philosophical researches, on the +other hand, were quite overlooked, indeed sometimes Vischer was praised +as being the first originator of psychological developments, which +Sibbern had suggested many years before him. I had, for that matter, +made a very far from sufficient study of Sibbern's researches, which +were, partly, not systematic enough for me, and partly had repelled me +by the peculiar language in which they were couched. + +Neither was it likely that this worship of Heiberg, which undeniably +peeped out through all the proofs of imperfections and +self-contradictions in him, would appeal to Hauch. + +When I add that the work was youthfully doctrinaire, in language not +fresh, and that in its skeleton-like thinness it positively tottered +under the weight of its definitions, it is no wonder that it did not +win the prize. The verdict passed upon it was to the effect that the +treatise was thorough in its way, and that it would have been awarded +the prize had the question asked been that of determining the +correlation between History and Fiction in general, but that under the +circumstances it dwelt too cursorily on Romance and was only deemed +deserving of "a very honourable mention." + +Favourable as this result was, it was nevertheless a blow to me, who +had made my plans for the following years dependent on whether I won +the prize or not. Julius Lange, who knocked at my door one evening to +tell me the result, was the witness of my disappointment. "I can +understand," he said, "that you should exclaim: _'Oleum et operam +perdidi!'_, but you must not give up hope for so little. It is a good +thing that you prohibited the opening of the paper giving your name in +the event of the paper not winning the prize, for no one will trouble +their heads about the flattering criticism and an honourable mention +would only harm you in People's eyes; it would stamp you with the mark +of mediocrity." + + +V. + +The anonymous recipient of the honourable mention nevertheless +determined to call upon his judges, make their acquaintance, and let +them know who he was. + +I went first to Hauch, who resided at that time at Frederiksberg +Castle, in light and lofty rooms. Hauch appeared exaggeratedly +obliging, the old man of seventy and over paying me, young man as I +was, one compliment after the other. The treatise was "extraordinarily +good," they had been very sorry not to give me the prize; but I was not +to bear them any ill-will for that; they had acted as their consciences +dictated. In eighteen months I should be ready to take my Magister +examination; the old poet thought he might venture to prophesy that I +should do well. He was surprised at his visitor's youth, could hardly +understand how at my age I could have read and thought so much, and +gave me advice as to the continuation of my studies. + +Sibbern was as cordial as Hauch had been polite and cautious. It was +very funny that, whereas Hauch remarked that he himself had wished to +give me the prize with an _although_ in the criticism, but that Sibbern +had been against it, Sibbern declared exactly the reverse; in spite of +all its faults he had wanted to award the medal, but Hauch had +expressed himself adverse. Apparently they had misunderstood one +another; but in any case the result was just, so there was nothing to +complain of. + +Sibbern went into the details of the treatise, and was stricter than +Hauch. He regretted that the main section of the argument was +deficient; the premises were too prolix. He advised a more historic, +less philosophical study of Literature and Art. He was pleased to hear +of the intimate terms I was on with Bröchner, whereas Hauch would have +preferred my being associated with Rasmus Nielsen, whom he jestingly +designated "a regular brown-bread nature." When the treatise was given +back to me, I found it full of apt and instructive marginal notes from +Sibbern's hand. + +Little as I had gained by my unsuccessful attempt to win this prize, +and unequivocally as my conversation with the practical Sibbern had +proved to me that a post as master in my mother tongue at a +Grammar-school was all that the Magister degree in Aesthetics was +likely to bring me, whereas from my childhood I had made up my mind +that I would never be a master in a school, this conversation +nevertheless ripened my determination to give up my law studies, but of +course only when by successfully competing for the prize the next year +I had satisfactorily proved my still questionable ability. + + +VI. + +The Meeting of Scandinavian students at Copenhagen in June, 1862, +taught me what it meant to be a Scandinavian. Like all the other +undergraduates, I was Scandinavian at heart, and the arrangements of +the Meeting were well calculated to stir the emotions of youth. +Although, an insignificant Danish student, I did not take part in the +expedition to North Zealand specially arranged for our guests, +consequently neither was present at the luncheon given by Frederik VII +to the students at Fredensborg (which was interrupted by a heavy +shower), I was nevertheless deeply impressed by the Meeting. + +It was a fine sight to behold the students from the three other +Scandinavian Universities come sailing across the Sound from Malmö to +Copenhagen. The Norwegians were especially striking, tall and straight, +with narrow faces under tasseled caps, like a wood of young fir trees; +the national type was so marked that at first I could hardly see any +difference between them. + +For me, there were three perfect moments during the festivities. The +first was at the meeting of all the students in the Square of Our Lady, +after the arrival of the visitors, when the scholars of the +Metropolitan School, crowding the windows of the building, greeted them +with a shout of delight. There was such a freshness, such a childish +enthusiasm about it, that some of us had wet eyes. It was as though the +still distant future were acclaiming the young ones now advancing to +the assault, and promising them sympathy and conquest. + +The second was when the four new flags embroidered by Danish ladies for +the students were consecrated and handed over. Clausen's speech was +full of grandeur, and addressed, not to the recipients, but to the +flags as living beings: "Thou wilt cross the Baltic to the sanctuary at +Upsala. Thou wilt cross the Cattegat to the land of rocks...." and the +address to each of the flags concluded: "Fortune and Honour attend +thee!" The evening after the consecration of the flags, there was a +special performance at the Royal Theatre for the members of the +Meeting, at which Heiberg, radiant as she always was, and saluted with +well-merited enthusiasm, played _Sophie_ in the vaudeville "_No_," with +a rosette of the Scandinavian colours at her waist. Then it was that +Paludan-Müller's prologue, recited by our idolised actor, Michael +Wiehe, caused me the third thrilling moment. Listening to the words of +the poet from a bad place in the gallery, I was hardly the only one who +felt strangely stirred, as Wiehe, letting his eyes roam round the +theatre, said: + + Oh! that the young of the North might one day worthily play + Their part! Oh that each one might do his best + For the party he has chosen! That never there be lack + Of industry, fidelity, strength and talents! + And may he firm step forth, the mighty genius + (_Mayhap, known only to the secret power within him, + Seated amongst us now_), the mighty genius, + Who, as Fate hath willed it, is to play + The mighty part and do the mighty things. + +Involuntarily we looked round, seeking for the one to whom the poet's +summons referred. + +The general spirit of this Meeting has been called flat in comparison +with that pervading former meetings. It did not strike the younger +participants so. A breath of Scandinavianism swept over every heart; +one felt borne along on a historic stream. It seemed like a bad dream +that the peoples of the North had for so many centuries demolished and +laid waste each other, tapped one another for blood and gold, rendered +it impossible for the North to assert herself and spread her influence +in Europe. + +One could feel at the Meeting, though very faintly, that the Swedes and +Norwegians took more actual pleasure in each other, and regarded +themselves as to a greater extent united than either of them looked +upon themselves as united with the Danes, who were outside the +political Union. I was perhaps the only Dane present who fancied I +detected this, but when I mentioned what I thought I observed to a +gifted young Norwegian, so far was he from contradicting me that he +merely replied: "Have you noticed that, too?" + +Notwithstanding, during the whole of the Meeting, one constantly heard +expressed on every hand the conviction that if Germany were shortly to +declare war against Denmark--which no one doubted--the Swedes and +Norwegians would most decidedly not leave the Danes in the lurch. The +promise was given oftener than it was asked. Only, of course, it was +childish on the part of those present at the Meeting to regard such +promises, given by the leaders of the students, and by the students +themselves in festive mood, as binding on the nations and their +statesmen. + +I did not make any intellectually inspiring acquaintances through the +Meeting, although I was host to two Upsala students; neither of them, +however, interested me. I got upon a friendly footing through mutual +intellectual interests with Carl von Bergen, later so well known as an +author, he, like myself, worshipping philosophy and hoping to +contribute to intellectual progress. Carl von Bergen was a +self-confident, ceremonious Swede, who had read a great many books. At +that time he was a new Rationalist, which seemed to promise one point +of interest in common; but he was a follower of the Boström philosophy, +and as such an ardent Theist. At this point we came into collision, my +researches and reflections constantly tending to remove me farther from +a belief in any God outside the world, so that after the Meeting Carl +von Bergen and I exchanged letters on Theism and Pantheism, which +assumed the width and thickness of treatises. For very many years the +Swedish essayist and I kept up a friendly, though intermittent +intercourse. Meanwhile von Bergen, whose good qualities included +neither character nor originality, inclined, as years went on, more and +more towards Conservatism, and at forty years old he had attained to a +worship of what he had detested, and a detestation of what he had +worshipped. His vanity simultaneously assumed extraordinary +proportions. In a popular Encyclopaedia, which he took over when the +letter B was to be dealt with, and, curiously enough, disposed of +shortly afterwards, _von Bergen_ was treated no less in detail than +_Buonaparte_. He did battle with some of the best men and women in +Sweden, such as Ellen Key and Knut Wicksell, who did not fail to reply +to him. When in 1889 his old friend from the Students' Meeting gave +some lectures on Goethe in Stockholm, he immediately afterwards +directed some poor opposition lectures against him, which neither +deserved nor received any reply. It had indeed become a specialty of +his to give "opposition lectures." When he died, some few years later, +what he had written was promptly forgotten. + +There was another young Swedish student whom I caught a glimpse of for +the first time at the Students' Meeting, towards whom I felt more and +more attracted, and who eventually became my friend. This was the +darling of the gods, Carl Snoilsky. At a fête in Rosenborg Park, +amongst the songs was one which, with my critical scent, I made a note +of. It was by the then quite unknown young Count Snoilsky, and it was +far from possessing the rare qualities, both of pith and form, that +later distinguished his poetry; but it was a poet's handiwork, a +troubadour song to the Danish woman, meltingly sweet, and the writer of +it was a youth of aristocratic bearing, regular, handsome features, and +smooth brown hair, a regular Adonis. The following year he came again, +drawn by strong cords to Christian Winther's home, loving the old poet +like a son, as Swinburne loved Victor Hugo, sitting at Mistress Julie +Winther's feet in affectionate admiration and semi-adoration, although +she was half a century old and treated him as a mother does a favourite +child. + +It was several years, however, before there was any actual friendship +between the Swedish poet and myself. He called upon me one day in my +room in Copenhagen, looking exceedingly handsome in a tight-fitting +waistcoat of blue quilted silk. In the absence of the Swedo-Norwegian +Ambassador, he was Chargé d'Affaires in Copenhagen, after, in his +capacity as diplomatic attaché, having been stationed in various parts +of the world and, amongst others, for some time in Paris. He could have +no warmer admirer of his first songs than myself, and we very +frequently spent our evenings together in Bauer's wine room--talking +over everything in Scandinavian, English, or French literature which +both of us had enthusiastically and critically read. On many points our +verdicts were agreed. + +There came a pause in Snoilsky's productive activity; he was depressed. +It was generally said, although it sounded improbable, that he had had +to promise his wife's relations to give up publishing verse, they +regarding it as unfitting the dignity of a noble. In any case, he was +at that time suffering under a marriage that meant to him the +deprivation of the freedom without which it was impossible to write. +Still, he never mentioned these strictly personal matters. But one +evening that we were together, Snoilsky was so overcome by the thought +of his lack of freedom that tears suddenly began to run down his +cheeks. He was almost incapable of controlling himself again, and when +we went home together late at night, poured out a stream of melancholy, +half-despairing remarks. + +A good eighteen months later we met again in Stockholm; Snoilsky was +dignified and collected. But when, a few years later, so-called public +opinion in Sweden began to rave against the poet for the passion for +his second wife which so long made him an exile from his country, I +often thought of that evening. + +As years passed by, his outward bearing became more and more reserved +and a trifle stiff, but he was the same at heart, and no one who had +known him in the heyday of his youth could cease to love him. + + +VII. + +A month after the Students' Meeting, at the invitation of my friend +Jens Paludan-Müller, I spent a few weeks at his home at Nykjöbing, in +the island of Falster, where his father, Caspar Paludan-Müller, the +historian, was at the time head master of the Grammar-school. Those +were rich and beautiful weeks, which I always remembered later with +gratitude. + +The stern old father with his leonine head and huge eyebrows impressed +one by his earnestness and perspicacity, somewhat shut off from the +world as he was by hereditary deafness. The dignified mistress of the +house likewise belonged to a family that had made its name known in +Danish literature. She was a Rosenstand-Göiske. Jens was a cordial and +attentive host, the daughters were all of them women out of the +ordinary, and bore the impress of belonging to a family of the highest +culture in the country; the eldest was womanly and refined, the second, +with her Roman type of beauty and bronze-coloured head, lovely in a +manner peculiarly her own; the youngest, as yet, was merely an amiable +young girl. The girls would have liked to get away from the monotony of +provincial life, and their release came when their father was appointed +to a professorship at Copenhagen University. There was an ease of +manner and a tone of mental distinction pervading the whole family. Two +young, handsome Counts Reventlow were being brought up in the house, +still only half-grown boys at that time, but who were destined later to +win honourable renown. One of them, the editor of his ancestress's +papers, kept up his acquaintance with the guest he had met in the +Paludan-Müller home for over forty years. + +There often came to the house a young Dane from Caracas in Venezuela, +of unusual, almost feminine beauty, with eyes to haunt one's dreams. He +played uncommonly well, was irresistibly gentle and emotional. After a +stay of a few years in Denmark he returned to his native place. The +previously mentioned Grönbeck, with his pretty sister, and other young +people from the town, were frequent guests during the holidays, and the +days passed in games, music, wanderings about the garden, and +delightful excursions to the woods. + +On every side I encountered beauty of some description. I said to Jens +one day: "One kind of beauty is the glow which the sun of Youth casts +over the figure, and it vanishes as soon as the sun sets. Another is +stamped into shape from within; it is Mind's expression, and will +remain as long as the mind remains vigorous. But the supremest beauty +of all is in the unison of the two harmonies, which are contending for +existence. In the bridal night of this supremest beauty, Mind and +Nature melt into one." + +A few years later the old historian was called upon to publish the +little book on Gulland, with its short biography prefixed, as a +memorial to his only son, fallen at Sankelmark, and again, a few years +later, to edit Frederik Nutzhorn's translation of Apuleius in memory of +his son's friend, his elder daughter's fiancé. During the preparation +of these two little books, our relations became more intimate, and our +friendship continued unbroken until in the month of February, 1872, a +remark in one of my defensive articles caused him to take up his pen +against me. My remark was to the effect that there were men of the same +opinions as myself even among the priests of the established church. +Caspar Paludan-Müller declared it my public duty to mention of whom I +was thinking at the time, since such a traitor was not to be tolerated +in the lap of the Church. As I very naturally did not wish to play the +part of informer, I incurred, by my silence, the suspicion of having +spoken without foundation. The Danish man whom I had in my thoughts, +and who had confided his opinions to me, was still alive at the time. +This was the late Dean Ussing, at one time priest at Mariager, a man of +an extraordinarily refined and amiable disposition, secretly a +convinced adherent of Ernest Renan. A Norwegian priest, who holds the +same opinions, is still living. + + +VIII. + +In August, 1863, on a walking tour through North Sjaelland, Julius +Lange introduced me to his other celebrated uncle, Frederik +Paludan-Müller, whose Summer residence was at Fredensborg. In +appearance he was of a very different type from his brother Caspar. The +distinguishing mark of the one was power, of the other, nobility. For +Frederik Paludan-Müller as a poet I cherished the profoundest +admiration. He belonged to the really great figures of Danish +literature, and his works had so fed and formed my inmost nature that I +should scarcely be the same had I not read them. It was unalloyed +happiness to have access to his house and be allowed to enjoy his +company. It was a distinction to be one of the few he vouchsafed to +take notice of and one of the fewer still in whose future he interested +himself. Do the young men of Denmark to-day, I wonder, admire creative +intellects as they were admired by some few of us then? It is in so far +hardly possible, since there is not at the present time any Northern +artist with such a hall-mark of refined delicacy as Frederik +Paludan-Müller possessed. + +The young people who came to his house might have wished him a younger, +handsomer wife, and thought his choice, Mistress Charite, as, curiously +enough, she was called, not quite worthy of the poet. Unjustly so, +since he himself was perfectly satisfied with her, and was apparently +wholly absorbed by a union which had had its share in isolating him +from the world. His wife was even more theologically inclined than +himself, and appeared anonymously--without anyone having a suspicion of +the fact--as a religious authoress. Still, she was exceedingly kind to +anyone, regardless of their private opinions, who had found favour in +the poet's eyes. + +The dry little old lady was the only one of her sex with whom +Paludan-Müller was intimate. He regarded all other women, however young +and beautiful, as mere works of art. But his delight in them was +charming in him, just because of its freedom from sense. One evening +that he was giving a little banquet in honour of a Swedish lady +painter, named Ribbing, a woman of rare beauty, he asked her to stand +by the side of the bust of the Venus of Milo, that the resemblance, +which really existed between them, might be apparent. His innocent, +enthusiastic delight in the likeness was most winning. + + +IX. + +Two other celebrated personages whom I met for the first time a little +later were Björnstjerne Björnson and Magdalene Thoresen. + +I became acquainted with Björnstjerne Björnson at the Nutzhorns, their +son, Ditlev, being a passionate admirer of his. His _King Sverre_ of +1861 had been a disappointment, but _Sigurd Slembe_ of the following +year was new and great poetry, and fascinated young people's minds. +Björnson, socially, as in literature, was a strong figure, +self-confident, loud-voiced, outspoken, unique in all that he said, and +in the weight which he knew how to impart to all his utterances. His +manner jarred a little on the more subdued Copenhagen style; the +impression he produced was that of a great, broad-shouldered, and very +much spoilt child. In the press, all that he wrote and did was blazoned +abroad by the leading critics of the day, who had a peculiar, +challenging way of praising Björnson, although his ability was not +seriously disputed by anyone. The National Liberal Leaders, Alfred +Hage, Carl Ploug, etc., had opened their hearts and houses to him. It +is said that at one time Heiberg had held back; the well-bred old man, +a little shocked by the somewhat noisy ways of the young genius, is +said to have expressed to his friend Krieger some scruples at inviting +him to his house. To Krieger's jesting remark: "What does it matter! He +is a young man; let him rub off his corners!" Heiberg is credited with +having replied: "Very true! Let him! but not in my drawing-room! That +is not a place where people may rub anything off." Heiberg's wife, on +the other hand, admired him exceedingly, and was undoubtedly very much +fascinated by him. + +In a circle of younger people, Björnson was a better talker than +conversationalist. Sometimes he came out with decidedly rash +expressions of opinion, conclusively dismissing a question, for +instance, with severe verdicts over Danish music, Heyse's excepted, +judgments which were not supported by sufficient knowledge of the +subject at issue. But much of what he said revealed the intellectual +ruler, whose self-confidence might now and again irritate, but at +bottom was justified. He narrated exceptionally well, with picturesque +adjectives, long remembered in correct Copenhagen, spoke of the +_yellow_ howl of wolves, and the like. Take it all in all, his attitude +was that of a conqueror. + +He upheld poetry that was actual and palpable, consequently had little +appreciation for poetry, that, like Paludan-Müller's, was the +perfection of thought and form, and boldly disapproved of my admiration +for it. + + +X. + +It was likewise through Frederik Nutzhorn that I, when a young beginner +in the difficult art of life, became acquainted with Madame Magdalene +Thoresen. Our first conversation took place in the open air one Summer +day, at the Klampenborg bathing establishment. Although Magdalene +Thoresen was at that time at least forty-six years old, her warm, +brownish complexion could well stand inspection in the strongest light. +Her head, with its heavy dark hair, was Southern in its beauty, her +mouth as fresh as a young girl's; she had brilliant and very striking +eyes. Her figure was inclined to be corpulent, her walk a trifle heavy, +her bearing and movements full of youth and life. + +She was remarkably communicative, open and warmhearted, with a +propensity towards considerable extravagance of speech. Originally +incited thereto by Björnson's peasant stories, she had then published +her first tales, _The Student and Signe's Story_, which belonged, half +to Norwegian, half to Danish literature, and had been well received. +She was the daughter of a fisherman at Fredericia, and after having +known both the buffets and the smiles of Fortune, had come to be on +terms of friendship with many men and women of importance, now +belonging to the recognised personalities of the day. She was also very +well received and much appreciated in the Heiberg circle. + +In comparison with her, a woman, I might have been called erudite and +well-informed. Her own knowledge was very desultory. She was interested +in me on account of my youth, and her warm interest attached me to her +for the next five years,--as long, that is, as she remained in Denmark. +She very soon began to confide in me, and although she scarcely did so +unreservedly, still, no woman, at least no mature and gifted woman, had +told me so much about herself before. She was a woman who had felt +strongly and thought much; she had lived a rich, and eventful life; but +all that had befallen her she romanticised. Her poetic tendency was +towards the sublime. She was absolutely veracious, and did not really +mean to adorn her tales, but partly from pride, partly from +whimsicality, she saw everything, from greatest to least, through +beautifully coloured magnifying-glasses, so that a translation of her +communications into every-day language became a very difficult matter, +and when an every-day occurrence was suspected through the narrative, +the same could not be reproduced in an every-day light, and according +to an every-day standard, without wounding the narrator to the quick. +For these reasons I never ventured to include among my Collected Essays +a little biographical sketch of her (written just as she herself had +idealised its events to me), one of the first articles I had printed. + +She saw strong natures, rich and deep natures, in lives that were +meagre or unsuccessful. Again, from lack of perspicacity, she sometimes +saw nothing but inefficiency in people with wide intellectual gifts; +thus, she considered that her son-in-law, Henrik Ibsen, who at that +time had not become either known or celebrated, had very imperfect +poetic gifts. "What he writes is as flat as a drawing," she would say. +Or she would remark: "He ought to be more than a collaborator of +Kierkegaard." It was only much later that she discovered his genius. +Björnson, on the other hand, she worshipped with an enthusiastic love; +it was a trouble to her that just about this time he had become very +cool to her. + +Vague feelings did not repel her, but all keen and pointed intelligence +did. She was wholly and entirely romantic. Gallicism she objected to; +the clarity of the French seemed to her superficial; she saw depth in +the reserved and taciturn Northern, particularly the Norwegian, nature. +She had groped her way forward for a long time without realising what +her gifts really were. Her husband, who had done all he could to assist +her education, had even for a time imagined, and perhaps persuaded her, +that her gifts lay in the direction of Baggesen's. Now, however, she +had found her vocation and her path in literature. + +On all questions of thought, pure and simple, she was extremely vague. +She was a Christian and a Heathen with equal sincerity, a Christian +with her overflowing warm-heartedness, with her honest inclination to +believe, a Heathen in her averseness to any negation of either life or +Nature. She used to say that she loved Christ and Eros equally, or +rather, that to her, they both meant the same. To her, Christianity was +the new, the modern, in contrast to the rationalism of a past age, so +that Christianity and modern views of life in general merged in her +eyes into one unity. + +Hers was a deeply feminine nature, and a productive nature. Her fertile +character was free from all taint of over-estimation of herself. She +only revealed a healthy and pleasing self-satisfaction when she +imagined that some person wished to set up himself or herself over her +and misjudge acts or events in her life with respect to which she +considered herself the only person qualified to judge. At such times +she would declare in strong terms that by her own unassisted strength +she had raised herself from a mean and unprotected position to the +level of the best men and women of her day. Herself overflowing with +emotion, and of a noble disposition, she craved affection and goodwill, +and gave back a hundredfold what she received. If she felt herself the +object of cold and piercing observation, she would be silent and +unhappy, but if she herself were at ease and encountered no coolness, +she was all geniality and enthusiasm, though not to such an extent that +her enthusiasm ceased to be critical. + +She could over-value and under-value people, but was at the same time a +keen, in fact a marvellous psychologist, and sometimes astonished one +by the pertinent things she said, surprising one by her accurate +estimate of difficult psychological cases. For instance, she understood +as few others did the great artist, the clever coquette, and the old +maid in Heiberg's wife, the actress. + +She had no moral prejudices, and had written _Signe's Story_ as a +protest against conventional morality; but she was none the less +thoroughly permeated by Christian and humane ideas of morality, and +there was no element of rebellion in her disposition. + +On the whole, she was more a woman than an authoress. Her nature was +tropical in comparison with Mrs. Charite Paludan-Müller's North Pole +nature. She lived, not in a world of ideas remote from reality, but in +a world of feeling and passion, full of affection and admiration, +jealousy and dislike. Being a woman, she was happy at every expression +of pleasure over one of her books that she heard or read of, and liked +to fancy that the solitary young man who sent her an enthusiastic +letter of thanks was only one of hundreds who thought as he did. Like a +woman, also, she was hurt by indifference, which, however, her warm +heart rarely encountered. + +This richly endowed woman made me appear quite new to myself, inasmuch +as, in conversations with my almost maternal friend, I began to think I +was of a somewhat cold nature, a nature which in comparison with hers +seemed rather dry, unproductive and unimaginative, a creature with +thoughts ground keen. + +Magdalene Thoresen compared me one day to an unlighted glass +candelabra, hanging amid several others all lighted up, which had the +gleam of the fire on the countless facets of its crystals, but was +itself nothing but cold, smooth, polished, prisms. + +Thus during my association with Magdalene Thoresen I came to regard +myself in a new light, when I saw myself with her eyes, and I was +struck more than ever by how different the verdicts over me would be +were my various friends and acquaintances each to describe me is I +appeared to them. To Magdalene Thoresen I was all mind, to others all +passion, to others again all will. At the Nutzhorns' I went by the name +of the modest B., elsewhere I was deemed conceitedly ambitious, some +people thought me of a mild temper, others saw in me a quarrelsome +unbeliever. + +All this was a challenge to me to come to a clear understanding about +my real nature. The fruits of my work must show me what sort of man I +was. + + +XI. + +I continued my legal studies with patient persistence, and gradually, +after having made myself master of Civil Proceedings, I worked my way +through the whole of the juridic system, Roman Law excluded. But the +industry devoted to this was purely mechanical. I pursued my other +studies, on the contrary, with delight, even tried to produce something +myself, and during the last months of 1862 elaborated a very long paper +on _Romeo and Juliet_, chiefly concerning itself with the fundamental +problems of the tragedy, as interpreted in the Aesthetics of the day; +it has been lost, like so much else that I wrote during those years. I +sent it to Professor Bröchner and asked his opinion of it. + +Simultaneously I began to work upon a paper on the Idea of Fate in +Greek Tragedy, a response to the Prize question of the year 1862-1863, +and on December 31, 1862, had finished the Introduction, which was +published for the first time about six years later, under the title +_The Idea of Tragic Fate_. Appended to this was a laborious piece of +work dealing with the conceptions of Fate recorded in all the Greek +tragedies that have come down to us. This occupied the greater part of +the next six months. + +The published Introduction gives a true picture of the stage of my +development then, partly because it shows the manner in which I had +worked together external influences, the Kierkegaardian thoughts and +the Hegelian method, partly because with no little definiteness it +reveals a fundamental characteristic of my nature and a fundamental +tendency of my mind, since it is, throughout, a protest against the +ethical conception of poetry and is a proof of how moral ideas, when +they become part of an artistic whole, lose their peculiar stamp and +assume another aspect. + +In November, 1862, I joined a very large recently started +undergraduates' society, which met once a fortnight at Borch's College +to hear lectures and afterwards discuss them together. It numbered full +fifty members, amongst them most of the men of that generation who +afterwards distinguished themselves in Denmark. The later known +politician, Octavius Hansen, was Speaker of the Meetings, and even then +seemed made for the post. His parliamentary bearing was unrivalled. It +was not for nothing he was English on the mother's side. He looked +uncommonly handsome on the platform, with his unmoved face, his +beautiful eyes, and his brown beard, curled like that of Pericles in +the Greek busts. He was good-humoured, just, and well-informed. Of the +numerous members, Wilhelm Thomsen the philologist was certainly the +most prominent, and the only one whom I later on came to value, that +is, for purely personal reasons; in daily association it was only once +in a way that Thomsen could contribute anything from his special store +of knowledge. One day, when we had been discussing the study of +cuneiform inscriptions, the young philologist had said, half in jest, +half in earnest: "If a stone were to fall down from the Sun with an +inscription in unknown signs, in an unknown language, upon it, we +should be able to make it out,"--a remark which I called to mind many +years later when Thomsen deciphered the Ancient Turkish inscriptions in +the Mountains of Siberia. + +A great many political lectures were given. I gave one on Heiberg's +Aesthetics. + +On January 1, 1863, I received a New Year's letter from Bröchner, in +which he wrote that the essay on Romeo and Juliet had so impressed him +that, in his opinion, no one could dispute my fitness to fill the Chair +of Aesthetics, which in the nature of things would soon be vacant, +since Hauch, at his advanced age, could hardly continue to occupy it +very long. + +Thus it was that my eager patron first introduced what became a +wearisome tangle, lasting a whole generation, concerning my claims to a +certain post, which gradually became in my life what the French call +_une scie_, an irritating puzzle, in which I myself took no part, but +which attached itself to my name. + +That letter agitated me very much; not because at so young an age the +prospect of an honourable position in society was held out to me by a +man who was in a position to judge of my fitness for it, but because +this smiling prospect of an official post was in my eyes a snare which +might hold me so firmly that I should not be able to pursue the path of +renunciation that alone seemed to me to lead to my life's goal. I felt +myself an apostle, but an apostle and a professor were, very far apart. +I certainly remembered that the Apostle Paul had been a tent-maker. But +I feared that, once appointed, I should lose my ideal standard of life +and sink down into insipid mediocrity. If I once deviated from my path, +I might not so easily find it again. It was more difficult to resign a +professorship than never to accept it. And, once a professor, a man +soon got married and settled down as a citizen of the state, not in a +position to dare anything. To dispose of my life at Bröchner's request +would be like selling my soul to the Devil. + +So I replied briefly that I was too much attached to Hauch to be able +or willing to speculate on his death. But to this Bröchner very +logically replied: "I am not speculating on his death, but on his life, +for the longer he lives, the better you will be prepared to be his +successor." + +By the middle of June, 1863, the prize paper was copied out. In +September the verdict was announced; the gold medal was awarded to me +with a laudatory criticism. The gold medal was also won by my friend +Jens Paludan-Müller for a historic paper, and in October, at the annual +Ceremony at the University, we were presented with the thin medal +bearing the figure of Athene, which, for my part, being in need of a +Winter overcoat, I sold next day. Clausen, the Rector, a little man +with regular features, reserved face and smooth white hair, said to us +that he hoped this might prove the first fruits of a far-reaching +activity in the field of Danish literature. But what gave me much +greater pleasure was that I was shaken hands with by Monrad, who was +present as Minister for Education. Although Clausen was well known, +both as a theologian and an important National Liberal, I cared nothing +for him. But I was a little proud of Monrad's hand-pressure, for his +political liberality, and especially his tremendous capacity for work, +compelled respect, while from his handsome face with its thoughtful, +commanding forehead, there shone the evidence of transcendent ability. + + +XII. + +On the morning of November 15th, 1863, Julius Lange and I went together +to offer our congratulations to Frederik Nutzhorn, whose birthday it +was. His sisters received me with their usual cheerfulness, but their +father, the old doctor, remarked as I entered: "You come with grave +thoughts in your mind, too," for the general uneasiness occasioned by +Frederik VII's state of health was reflected in my face. There was good +reason for anxiety concerning all the future events of which an +unfavourable turn of his illness might be the signal. + +I went home with Julius Lange, who read a few wild fragments of his +"System" to me. This turned upon the contrasting ideas of +_Contemplation_ and _Sympathy_, corresponding to the inhaling and +exhaling of the breath; the resting-point of the breathing was the +moment of actual consciousness, etc.; altogether very young, curious, +and confused. + +In the afternoon came the news of the King's death. In the evening, at +the Students' Union, there was great commotion and much anxiety. There +were rumours of a change of Ministry, of a Bluhme-David-Ussing +Ministry, and of whether the new King would be willing to sign the +Constitution from which people childishly expected the final +incorporation of Slesvig into Denmark. That evening I made the +acquaintance of the poet Christian Richardt, who told me that he had +noticed my face before he knew my name. Julius Lange was exceedingly +exasperated and out of spirits. Ploug went down the stairs looking like +a man whose hopes had been shattered, and whom the blow had found +unprepared. His paper had persistently sown distrust of the Prince of +Denmark. + +The Proclamation was to take place in front of Christiansborg Castle on +December 16th, at 11 o'clock. I was fetched to it by a student of the +same age, the present Bishop Frederik Nielsen. The latter had made my +acquaintance when a Free-thinker, but fortunately he recognised his +errors only a very few years later, and afterwards the valiant +theologian wrote articles and pamphlets against the heretic he had +originally cultivated for holding the same opinions as himself. There +is hardly anyone in Denmark who persists in error; people recognise +their mistakes in time, before they have taken harm to their souls; +sometimes, indeed, so much betimes that they are not even a hindrance +to their worldly career. + +The space in front of the Castle was black with people, most of whom +were in a state of no little excitement. Hall, who was then Prime +Minister, stepped out on the balcony of the castle, grave and upright, +and said, first standing with his back to the Castle, then looking to +the right and the left, these words: "King Frederik VII is dead. Long +live King Christian IX!" + +Then the King came forward. There were loud shouts, doubtless some +cries of "Long live the King," but still more and louder shouts of: +"The Constitution forever!" which were by no means loyally intended. At +a distance, from the Castle balcony, the different shouts could, of +course, not be distinguished. As the King took them all to be shouts of +acclamation, he bowed politely several times, and as the shouts +continued kissed his hand to right and left. The effect was not what he +had intended. His action was not understood as a simple-hearted +expression of pure good-will. People were used to a very different +bearing on the part of their King. With all his faults and foibles, +Frederik VII was always in manner the Father of his people; always the +graceful superior; head up and shoulders well back, patronisingly and +affectionately waving his hand: "Thank you, my children, thank you! And +now go home and say 'Good-morning' to your wives and children from the +King!" One could not imagine Frederik VII bowing to the people, much +less kissing his hand to them. + +There was a stormy meeting of the Students' Union that evening. Vilhelm +Rode made the principal speech and caustically emphasised that it took +more than a "Kiss of the hand and a parade bow" to win the hearts of +the Danish people. The new dynasty, the head of which had been abused +for years by the National Liberal press, especially in _The +Fatherland_, who had thrown suspicion of German sympathies on the +heir-presumptive, was still so weak that none of the students thought +it necessary to take much notice of the change of sovereigns that had +taken place. This was partly because since Frederik VII's time people +had been accustomed to indiscriminate free speech concerning the King's +person--it was the fashion and meant nothing, as he was beloved by the +body of the people--partly because what had happened was not regarded +as irrevocable. All depended on whether the King signed the +Constitution, and even the coolest and most conservative, who +considered that his signing it would be a fatal misfortune, thought it +possible that Christian IX. would be dethroned if he did not. So it is +not difficult to form some idea of how the Hotspurs talked. The whole +town was in a fever, and it was said that Prince Oscar was in Scania, +ready at the first sign to cross the Sound and allow himself to be +proclaimed King on behalf of Charles XV. Men with Scandinavian +sympathies hoped for this solution, by means of which the three +kingdoms would have been united without a blow being struck. + +In the middle of the meeting, there arrived a message from Crone, the +Head of Police, which was delivered verbally in this incredibly +irregular form--that the Head of Police was as good a Scandinavian as +anyone, but he begged the students for their own sakes to refrain from +any kind of street disturbance that would oblige him to interfere. + +I, who had stood on the open space in front of the Castle, lost in the +crowd, and in the evening at the meeting of the students was auditor to +the passionate utterances let fall there, felt my mood violently +swayed, but was altogether undecided with regard to the political +question, the compass of which I could not fully perceive. I felt +anxious as to the attitude of foreign powers would be in the event of +the signing of the Constitution. Old C.N. David had said in his own +home that if the matter should depend on him, which, however, he hoped +it would not, he would not permit the signing of the Constitution, were +he the only man in Denmark of that way of thinking, since by so doing +we should lose our guarantee of existence, and get two enemies instead +of one, Russia as well as Germany. + +The same evening I wrote down: "It is under such circumstances as these +that one realises how difficult it is to lead a really ethical +existence. I am not far-sighted enough to perceive what would be the +results of that which to me seems desirable, and one cannot +conscientiously mix one's self up in what one does not understand. +Nevertheless, as I stood in the square in front of the Castle, I was so +excited that I even detected in myself an inclination to come forward +as a political speaker, greenhorn though I be." + + +XIII. + +On the 18th of November, the fever in the town was at its height. From +early in the morning the space in front of the Castle was crowded with +people. Orla Lehmann, a Minister at the time, came out of the Castle, +made his way through the crowd, and shouted again and again, first to +one side, then to the other: + +"He has signed! He has signed!" + +He did not say: "The King." + +The people now endured seven weeks of uninterrupted change and +kaleidoscopic alteration of the political situation. Relations with all +foreign powers, and even with Sweden and Norway, presented a different +aspect to the Danish public every week. Sweden's withdrawal created a +very bitter impression; the public had been induced to believe that an +alliance was concluded. Then followed the "pressure" in Copenhagen by +the emissaries of all the Powers, to induce the Government to recall +the November Constitution, then the Czar's letter to the Duke of +Augustenborg, finally the occupation of Holstein by German troops, with +all the censure and disgrace that the Danish army had to endure, for +Holstein was evacuated without a blow being struck, and the Duke, to +the accompanyment of scorn and derision heaped on the Danes, was +proclaimed in all the towns of Holstein. + +On Christmas Eve came tidings of the convocation of the Senate, +simultaneously with a change of Ministry which placed Monrad at the +head of the country, and in connection with this a rumour that all +young men of twenty-one were to be called out at once. This last proved +to be incorrect, and the minds of the young men alternated between +composure at the prospect of war and an enthusiastic desire for war, +and a belief that there would be no war at all. The first few days in +January, building on the rumour that the last note from England had +promised help in the event of the Eider being passed, people began to +hope that the war might be avoided, and pinned their faith to Monrad's +dictatorship. + +Frederik Nutzhorn, who did not believe there would be a war, started on +a visit to Rome; Jens Paludan-Müller, who had been called out, was +quartered at Rendsborg until the German troops marched in; Julius +Lange, who, as he had just become engaged, did not wish to see his work +interrupted and his future prospects delayed by the war, had gone to +Islingen, where he had originally made the acquaintance of his fiancée. +Under these circumstances, as a twenty-one-year-old student who had +completed his university studies, I was anxious to get my examination +over as quickly as possible. At the end of 1863 I wrote to my teacher, +Professor Bröchner, who had promised me a short philosophical summary +as a preparation for the University test: "I shall sit under a +conjunction of all the most unfavourable circumstances possible, since +for more than a month my head has been so full of the events of the day +that I have been able neither to read nor think, while the time of the +examination itself promises to be still more disquiet. Still, I dare +not draw back, as I should then risk--which may possibly happen in any +case--being hindered from my examination by being called out by the +conscription and perhaps come to lie in my grave as _Studiosus_ instead +of _candidatus magisterii_, which latter looks infinitely more +impressive and is more satisfying to a man as greedy of honour as Your +respectful and heartily affectionate, etc." + + +XIV. + +Shortly before, I had paid my first visit to Professor Rasmus Nielsen. +He was exceedingly agreeable, recognised me, whom perhaps he remembered +examining, and accorded me a whole hour's conversation. He was, as +always, alert and fiery, not in the least blasé, but with a slight +suggestion of charlatanism about him. His conversation was as lively +and disconnected as his lectures; there was a charm in the clear glance +of his green eyes, a look of genius about his face. He talked for a +long time about Herbart, whose Aesthetics, for that matter, he betrayed +little knowledge of, then of Hegel, Heiberg, and Kierkegaard. To my +intense surprise, he opened up a prospect, conflicting with the +opinions he had publicly advocated, that Science, "when analyses had +been carried far enough," might come to prove the possibility of +miracles. This was an offence against my most sacred convictions. + +Nielsen had recently, from the cathedra, announced his renunciation of +the Kierkegaard standpoint he had so long maintained, in the phrase: +"The Kierkegaard theory is impracticable"; he had, perhaps influenced +somewhat by the Queen Dowager, who about that time frequently invited +him to meet Grundtvig, drawn nearer to Grundtvigian ways of +thinking,--as Bröchner sarcastically remarked about him: "The farther +from Kierkegaard, the nearer to the Queen Dowager." + +In the midst of my final preparations for the examination, I wrestled, +as was my wont, with my attempts to come to a clear understanding over +Duty and Life, and was startled by the indescribable irony in the word +by which I was accustomed to interpret my ethically religious +endeavours,--_Himmelspraet_. [Footnote: Word implying one who attempts +to spring up to Heaven, and of course falls miserably to earth again. +The word, in ordinary conversation, is applied to anyone tossed in a +blanket.] + +I handed in, then, my request to be allowed to sit for my Master of +Arts examination; the indefatigable Bröchner had already mentioned the +matter to the Dean of the University, who understood the examinee's +reasons for haste. But the University moved so slowly that it was some +weeks before I received the special paper set me, which, to my horror, +ran as follows: "Determine the correlation between the pathetic and the +symbolic in general, in order by that means to elucidate the contrast +between Shakespeare's tragedies and Dante's _Divina Commedia_, together +with the possible errors into which one might fall through a one-sided +preponderance of either of these two elements." + +This paper, which had been set by R. Nielsen, is characteristic of the +purely speculative manner, indifferent to all study of history, in +which Aesthetics were at that time pursued in Copenhagen. It was, +moreover, worded with unpardonable carelessness; it was impossible to +tell from it what was to be understood by the correlation on which it +was based, and which was assumed to be a given conclusion. Even so +speculative a thinker as Frederik Paludan-Müller called the question +absolutely meaningless. It looked as though its author had imagined +Shakespeare's dramas and Dante's epic were produced by a kind of +artistic commingling of pathetic with symbolic elements, and as though +he wished to call attention to the danger of reversing the correct +proportions, for instance, by the symbolic obtaining the preponderance +in tragedy, or pathos in the epopee, or to the danger of exaggerating +these proportions, until there was too much tragic pathos, or too much +epic symbolism. But a scientific definition of the expressions used was +altogether lacking, and I had to devote a whole chapter to the +examination of the meaning of the problem proposed to me. + +The essay, for the writing of which I was allowed six weeks, was handed +in, 188 folio pages long, at the right time. By reason of the sheer +foolishness of the question, it was never published. + +In a postscript, I wrote: "I beg my honoured examiners to remember the +time during which this treatise was written, a time more eventful than +any other young men can have been through, and during which I, for my +part, have for days at a time been unable to work, and should have been +ashamed if I could have done so." + +In explanation of this statement, the following jottings, written down +at the time on a sheet of paper: + +_Sunday, Jan. 17th_. Received letter telling me I may fetch my leading +question to-morrow at 5 o'clock. + +_Monday, Feb. 1st_. Heard to-day that the Germans have passed the Eider +and that the first shots have been exchanged. + +_Saturday, Feb. 6th_. Received to-day the terrible, incomprehensible, +but only too certain news that the Danevirke has been abandoned without +a blow being struck. This is indescribable, overwhelming. + +_Thursday, Feb. 28th_. We may, unfortunately, assume it as certain that +my dear friend Jens Paludan-Müller fell at Oversö on Feb. 5th. + +_Feb. 28th_. Heard definitely to-day.--At half-past one this night +finished my essay. + + +XV. + +I thought about this time of nothing but my desire to become a +competent soldier of my country. There was nothing I wanted more, but I +felt physically very weak. When the first news of the battles of +Midsunde and Bustrup arrived, I was very strongly inclined to follow +Julius Lange to the Reserve Officers' School. When tidings came of the +abandonment of the Danevirke my enthusiasm cooled; it was as though I +foresaw how little prospect of success there was. Still, I was less +melancholy than Lange at the thought of going to the war. I was single, +and delighted at the thought of going straight from the +examination-table into a camp life, and from a book-mad student to +become a lieutenant. I was influenced most by the prospect of seeing +Lange every day at the Officers' School, and on the field. But my +comrades explained to me that even if Lange and I came out of the +School at the same time, it did not follow that we should be in the +same division, and that the thing, moreover, that was wanted in an +officer, was entire self-dependence. They also pointed out to me the +improbability of my being able to do the least good, or having the +slightest likelihood in front of me of doing anything but quickly find +myself in hospital. I did not really think myself that I should be able +to stand the fatigue, as the pupils of the military academy went over +to the army with an equipment that I could scarcely have carried. I +could not possibly suppose that the conscription would select me as a +private, on account of my fragile build; but like all the rest, I was +expecting every day a general ordering out of the fit men of my age. + +All this time I worked with might and main at the development of my +physical strength and accomplishments. I went every day to fencing +practice, likewise to cavalry sword practice; I took lessons in the use +of the bayonet, and I took part every afternoon in the shooting +practices conducted by the officers--with the old muzzle-loaders which +were the army weapons at the time. I was very delighted one day when +Mr. Hagemeister, the fencing-master, one of the many splendid old +Holstein non-commissioned officers holding the rank of lieutenant, said +I was "A smart fencer." + + +XVI. + +Meanwhile, the examination was taking its course. As real curiosities, +I here reproduce the questions set me. The three to be replied to in +writing were: + +1. To what extent can poetry be called the ideal History? + +2. In what manner may the philosophical ideas of Spinoza and Fichte +lead to a want of appreciation of the idea of beauty? + +3. In what relation does the comic stand to its limitations and its +various contrasts? + +The three questions which were to be replied to in lectures before the +University ran as follows: + +1. Show, through poems in our literature, to what extent poetry may +venture to set itself the task of presenting the Idea in a form +coinciding with the philosophical understanding of it? + +2. Point out the special contributions to a philosophical definition of +the Idea made by Aesthetics in particular. + +3. What are the merits and defects of Schiller's tragedies? + +These questions, in conjunction with the main question, may well be +designated a piece of contemporary history; they depict exactly both +the Science of the time and the peculiar philosophical language it +adopted. Hardly more than one, or at most two, of them could one +imagine set to-day. + +After the final (and best) lecture, on Schiller, which was given at six +hours' notice on April 25th, the judges, Hauch, Nielsen and Bröchner, +deliberated for about ten minutes, then called in the auditors and R. +Nielsen read aloud the following verdict: "The candidate, in his long +essay, in the shorter written tests, and in his oral lectures, has +manifested such knowledge of his subject, such intellectual maturity, +and such originality in the treatment of his themes, that we have on +that account unanimously awarded him the mark: _admissus cum laude +praecipua_." + + +XVII. + +The unusually favourable result of this examination attracted the +attention of academical and other circles towards me. The mark +_admissus cum praecipua laude_ had only very rarely been given before. +Hauch expressed his satisfaction at home in no measured terms. His wife +stopped my grandfather in the street and informed him that his grandson +was the cleverest and best-read young man that her husband had come +across during his University experience. When I went to the old poet +after the examination to thank him, he said to me (these were his very +words): "I am an old man and must die soon; you must be my successor at +the University; I shall say so unreservedly; indeed, I will even say it +on my death-bed." Strangely enough, he did say it and record it on his +death-bed seven years later, exactly as he had promised to do. + +In Bröchner's house, too, there was a great deal said about my becoming +a professor. I myself was despondent about it; I thought only of the +war, only wished to be fit for a soldier. Hauch was pleased at my +wanting to be a soldier. "It is fine of you, if you can only stand it." +When Hauch heard for certain that I was only 22 years old (he himself +was 73), he started up in his chair and said: + +"Why, it is incredible that at your age you can have got so far." +Rasmus Nielsen was the only one of the professors who did not entertain +me with the discussion of my future academic prospects; but he it was +who gave me the highest praise: + +"According to our unanimous opinions," said he, "you are the foremost +of all the young men." + +I was only the more determined not to let myself be buried alive in the +flower of my youth by accepting professorship before I had been able to +live and breathe freely.--I might have spared myself any anxiety. + + +XVIII. + +A few days later, on May both, a month's armistice was proclaimed, +which was generally construed as a preliminary to peace, if this could +be attained under possible conditions. It was said, and soon confirmed, +that at the Conference of London, Denmark had been offered North +Slesvig. Most unfortunately, Denmark refused the offer. On June 26th, +the war broke out again; two days later Alsen was lost. When the young +men were called up to the officers' board for conscription, "being too +slight of build," I was deferred till next year. Were the guerilla war +which was talked about to break out, I was determined all the same to +take my part in it. + +But the Bluhme-David Ministry succeeded to Monrad's, and concluded the +oppressive peace. + +I was very far from regarding this peace as final; for that, I was too +inexperienced. I correctly foresaw that before very long the state of +affairs in Europe would give rise to other wars, but I incorrectly +concluded therefrom that another fight for Slesvig, or in any case, its +restoration to Denmark, would result from them. + +In the meantime peace, discouraging, disheartening though it was, +opened up possibilities of further undisturbed study, fresh absorption +in scientific occupations. + +When, after the termination of my University studies, I had to think of +earning my own living, I not only, as before, gave private lessons, but +I gave lectures, first to a circle before whom I lectured on Northern +and Greek mythology, then to another, in David's house, to whom I +unfolded the inner history of modern literature to interested +listeners, amongst them several beautiful young girls. I finally +engaged myself to my old Arithmetic master as teacher of Danish in his +course for National school-mistresses. I found the work horribly dull, +but there was one racy thing about it, namely, that I, the master, was +three years younger than the youngest of my pupils; these latter were +obliged to be at least 25, and consequently even at their youngest were +quite old in my eyes. + +But there were many much older women amongst them, one even, a priest +or schoolmaster's widow, of over fifty, a poor thing who had to +begin--at her age!--from the very beginning, though she was anything +but gifted. It was not quite easy for a master without a single hair on +his face to make himself respected. But I succeeded, my pupils being so +well-behaved. + +It was an exciting moment when these pupils of mine went up for their +teacher's examination, I being present as auditor. + +I continued to teach this course until the Autumn of 1868. When I left, +I was gratified by one of the ladies rising and, in a little speech, +thanking me for the good instruction I had given. + + +XIX. + +Meanwhile, I pursued my studies with ardour and enjoyment, read a very +great deal of _belles-lettres_, and continued to work at German +philosophy, inasmuch as I now, though without special profit, plunged +into a study of Trendelenburg. My thoughts were very much more +stimulated by Gabriel Sibbern, on account of his consistent scepticism. +It was just about this time that I made his acquaintance. Old before +his time, bald at forty, tormented with gout, although he had always +lived a most abstemious life, Gabriel Sibbern, with his serene face, +clever eyes and independent thoughts, was an emancipating phenomenon. +He had divested himself of all Danish prejudices. "There is still a +great deal of phlogiston in our philosophy," he used to say sometimes. + +I had long been anxious to come to a clear scientific understanding of +the musical elements in speech. I had busied myself a great deal with +metrical art. Brücke's _Inquiries_ were not yet in existence, but I was +fascinated by Apel's attempt to make use of notes (crotchets, quavers, +dotted quavers, and semi-quavers) as metrical signs, and by J.L. +Heiberg's attempt to apply this system to Danish verse. But the system +was too arbitrary for anything to be built up upon it. And I then made +up my mind, in order better to understand the nature of verse, to begin +at once to familiarise myself with the theory of music, which seemed to +promise the opening out of fresh horizons in the interpretation of the +harmonies of language. + +With the assistance of a young musician, later the well-known composer +and Concert Director, Victor Bendix, I plunged into the mysteries of +thorough-bass, and went so far as to write out the entire theory of +harmonics. I learnt to express myself in the barbaric language of +music, to speak of minor scales in fifths, to understand what was meant +by enharmonic ambiguity. I studied voice modulation, permissible and +non-permissible octaves; but I did not find what I hoped. I composed a +few short tunes, which I myself thought very pretty, but which my young +master made great fun of, and with good reason. One evening, when he +was in very high spirits, he parodied one of them at the piano in front +of a large party of people. It was a disconcerting moment for the +composer of the tune. + +A connection between metrical art and thorough-bass was not +discoverable. Neither were there any unbreakable laws governing +thorough-bass. The unversed person believes that in harmonics he will +find quite definite rules which must not be transgressed. But again and +again he discovers that what is, as a general rule, forbidden, is +nevertheless, under certain circumstances, quite permissible. + +Thus he learns that in music there is no rule binding on genius. And +perhaps he asks himself whether, in other domains, there are rules +which are binding on genius. + + +XX. + +I had lived so little with Nature. The Spring of 1865, the first Spring +I had spent in the country--although quite near to Copenhagen--meant to +me rich impressions of nature that I never forgot, a long chain of the +most exquisite Spring memories. I understood as I had never done before +the inborn affection felt by every human being for the virgin, the +fresh, the untouched, the not quite full-blown, just as it is about to +pass over into its maturity. It was in the latter half of May. I was +looking for anemones and violets, which had not yet gone to seed. The +budding beech foliage, the silver poplar with its shining leaves, the +maple with its blossoms, stirred me, filled me with Spring rapture. I +could lie long in the woods with my gaze fastened on a light-green +branch with the sun shining through it, and, as if stirred by the wind, +lighted up from different sides, and floating and flashing as if coated +with silver. I saw the empty husks fall by the hundred before the wind. +I followed up the streams in the wood to their sources. For a while a +rivulet oozed slowly along. Then came a little fall, and it began to +speak, to gurgle and murmur; but only at this one place, and here it +seemed to me to be like a young man or woman of twenty. Now that I, who +in my boyhood's days had gone for botanical excursions with my master +and school-fellows, absorbed myself in every plant, from greatest to +least, without wishing to arrange or classify any, it seemed as though +an infinite wisdom in Nature were being revealed to me for the first +time. + +As near to Copenhagen as Söndermarken, stood the beech, with its curly +leaves and black velvet buds in their silk jackets. In the gardens of +Frederiksberg Avenue, the elder exhaled its fragrance, but was soon +over; the hawthorn sprang out in all its splendour. I was struck by the +loveliness of the chestnut blooms. When the blossom on the cherry-trees +had withered, the lilac was out, and the apple and pear-trees paraded +their gala dress. + +It interested me to notice how the colour sometimes indicated the +shape, sometimes produced designs quite independently of it. I loitered +in gardens to feast my eyes on the charming grouping of the rhubarb +leaves no less than on the exuberance of their flowers, and the leaves +of the scorzonera attracted my attention, because they all grew in one +plane, but swung about like lances. + +And as my habit was, I philosophised over what I saw and had made my +own, and I strove to understand in what beauty consisted. I considered +the relations between beauty and life; why was it that artificial +flowers and the imitation of a nightingale's song were so far behind +their originals in beauty? What was the difference between the beauty +of the real, the artificial and the painted flower? Might not Herbart's +Aesthetics be wrong, in their theory of form? The form itself might be +the same in Nature and the imitation, in the rose made of velvet and +the rose growing in the garden. And I reflected on the connection +between the beauty of the species and that of the individual. Whether a +lily be a beautiful flower, I can say without ever having seen lilies +before, but whether it be a beautiful lily, I cannot. The individual +can only be termed beautiful when more like than unlike to the ideal of +the species. And I mused over the translation of the idea of beauty +into actions and intellectual conditions. Was not the death of Socrates +more beautiful than his preservation of Alcibiades' life in +battle?--though this was none the less a beautiful act. + + +XXI. + +In the month of July I started on a walking tour through Jutland, with +the scenery of which province I had not hitherto been acquainted; +travelled also occasionally by the old stage-coaches, found myself at +Skanderborg, which, for me, was surrounded by the halo of mediaeval +romance; wandered to Silkeborg, entering into conversation with no end +of people, peasants, peasant boys, and pretty little peasant girls, +whose speech was not always easy to understand. I studied their +Juttish, and laughed heartily at their keen wit. The country inns were +often over-full, so that I was obliged to sleep on the floor; my +wanderings were often somewhat exhausting, as there were constant +showers, and the night rain had soaked the roads. I drove in a +peasant's cart to Mariager to visit my friend Emil Petersen, who was in +the office of the district judge of that place, making his home with +his brother-in-law and his very pretty sister, and I stayed for a few +days with him. Here I became acquainted with a little out-of-the-world +Danish town. The priest and his wife were an interesting and +extraordinary couple. The priest, the before-mentioned Pastor Ussing, a +little, nervous, intelligent and unworldly man, was a pious dreamer, +whose religion was entirely rationalistic. Renan's recently published +_Life of Jesus_ was so far from shocking him that the book seemed to +him in all essentials to be on the right track. He had lived in the +Danish West Indies, and there he had become acquainted with his wife, a +lady with social triumphs behind her, whose charms he never wearied of +admiring. The mere way in which she placed her hat upon her head, or +threw a shawl round her shoulders, could make him fall into ecstasies, +even though he only expressed his delight in her in half-facetious +terms. This couple showed me the most cordial kindness; to their +unpractised, provincial eyes, I seemed to be a typical young man of the +world, and they amazed me with the way in which they took it for +granted that I led the dances at every ball, was a lion in society, +etc. I was reminded of the student's words in Hostrup's vaudeville: +"Goodness! How innocent they must be to think _me_ a dandy!" and vainly +assured them that I lived an exceedingly unnoticed life in Copenhagen, +and had never opened a ball in my life. + +The priest asked us two young men to go and hear his Sunday sermon, and +promised that we should be pleased with it. We went to church somewhat +expectant, and the sermon was certainly a most unusual one. It was +delivered with great rapture, after the priest had bent his head in his +hands for a time in silent reflection. With great earnestness he +addressed himself to his congregation and demanded, after having put +before them some of the cures in the New Testament, generally extolled +as miracles, whether they dared maintain that these so-called miracles +could not have taken place according to Nature's laws. And when he +impressively called out: "Darest thou, with thy limited human +intelligence, say, 'This cannot happen naturally?'" it was in the same +tone and style in which another priest would have shouted out: "Darest +thou, with thy limited human intelligence, deny the miracle?" The +peasants, who, no doubt, understood his words quite in this latter +sense, did not understand in the least the difference and the contrast, +but judged much the same as a dog to whom one might talk angrily with +caressing words or caressingly with abusive words, simply from the +speaker's tone; and both his tone and facial expression were ecstatic. +They perceived no heresy and felt themselves no less edified by the +address than did the two young Copenhagen graduates. + + +XXII. + +My first newspaper articles were printed in _The Fatherland_ and the +_Illustrated Times_; the very first was a notice of Paludan-Müller's +_Fountain of Youth_, in which I had compressed matter for three or four +lectures; a commissioned article on Dante was about the next, but this +was of no value. But it was a great event to see one's name printed in +a newspaper for the first time, and my mother saw it not without +emotion. + +About this time Henrik Ibsen's first books fell into my hands and +attracted my attention towards this rising poet, who, among the leading +Danish critics, encountered a reservation of appreciation that scarcely +concealed ill-will. From Norway I procured Ibsen's oldest dramas, which +had appeared there. + +Frederik Algreen-Ussing asked me to contribute to a large biographical +dictionary, which he had for a long time been planning and preparing, +and which he had just concluded a contract for with the largest Danish +publishing firm of the time. A young man who hated the August +Association and all its deeds could not fail to feel scruples about +engaging in any collaboration with its founder. But Algreen-Ussing knew +how to vanquish all such scruples, inasmuch as he waived all rights of +censorship, and left it to each author to write as he liked upon his +own responsibility. And he was perfectly loyal to his promise. +Moreover, the question here was one of literature only, and not +politics. + +As the Danish authors were to be dealt with in alphabetical order, the +article that had to be set about at once was an account of the only +Danish poet whose name began with _Aa_. Thus it was that Emil Aarestrup +came to be the first Danish poet of the past of whom I chanced to +write. I heard of the existence of a collection of unprinted letters +from Aarestrup to his friend Petersen, the grocer, which were of very +great advantage to my essay. A visit that I paid to the widow of the +poet, on the other hand, led to no result whatever. It was strange to +meet the lady so enthusiastically sung by Aarestrup in his young days, +as a sulky and suspicious old woman without a trace of former beauty, +who declared that she had no letters from her husband, and could not +give me any information about him. It was only a generation later that +his letters to her came into my hands. + +In September, 1865, the article on Aarestrup was finished. It was +intended to be quickly followed up by others on the remaining Danish +authors in A. But it was the only one that was written, for +Algreen-Ussing's apparently so well planned undertaking was suddenly +brought to a standstill. The proprietors of the National Liberal papers +declared, as soon as they heard of the plan, that they would not on any +account agree to its being carried out by a man who took up such a +"reactionary" position in Danish politics as Ussing, and in face of +their threat to annihilate the undertaking, the publishers, who were +altogether dependent on the attitude of these papers, did not dare to +defy them. They explained to Algreen-Ussing that they felt obliged to +break their contract with him, but were willing to pay him the +compensation agreed upon beforehand for failure to carry it out. He +fought long to get his project carried through, but his efforts proving +fruitless, he refused, from pride, to accept any indemnity, and was +thus compelled to see with bitterness many years' work and an infinite +amount of trouble completely wasted. Shortly afterwards he succumbed to +an attack of illness. + + +XXIII. + +A young man who plunged into philosophical study at the beginning of +the sixties in Denmark, and was specially engrossed by the boundary +relations between Philosophy and Religion, could not but come to the +conclusion that philosophical life would never flourish in Danish soil +until a great intellectual battle had been set on foot, in the course +of which conflicting opinions which had never yet been advanced in +express terms should be made manifest and wrestle with one another, +until it became clear which standpoints were untenable and which could +be maintained. Although he cherished warm feelings of affection for +both R. Nielsen and Bröchner the two professors of Philosophy, he could +not help hoping for a discussion between them of the fundamental +questions which were engaging his mind. As Bröchner's pupil, I said a +little of what was in my mind to him, but could not induce him to +begin. Then I begged Gabriel Sibbern to furnish a thorough criticism of +Nielsen's books, but he declined. I began to doubt whether I should be +able to persuade the elder men to speak. + +A review in The _Fatherland_ of the first part of Nielsen's _Logic of +Fundamental Ideas_ roused my indignation. It was in diametric +opposition to what I considered irrefutably true, and was written in +the style, and with the metaphors, which the paper's literary +criticisms had brought into fashion, a style that was repugnant to me +with its sham poetical, or meaninglessly flat expressions ("Matter is +the hammer-stroke that the Ideal requires"--"Spontaneity is like food +that has once been eaten"). + +In an eleven-page letter to Bröchner I condensed all that I had thought +about the philosophical study at the University during these first +years of my youth, and proved to him, in the keenest terms I could +think of, that it was his duty to the ideas whose spokesman he was, to +come forward, and that it would be foolish, in fact wrong, to leave the +matter alone. I knew well enough that I was jeopardising my precious +friendship with Bröchner by my action, but I was willing to take the +risk. I did not expect any immediate result of my letter, but thought +to myself that it should ferment, and some time in the future might +bear fruit. The outcome of it far exceeded my expectations, inasmuch as +Bröchner was moved by my letter, and not only thanked me warmly for my +daring words, but went without delay to Nielsen and told him that he +intended to write a book on his entire philosophical activity and +significance. Nielsen took his announcement with a good grace. + +However, as Bröchner immediately afterwards lost his young wife, and +was attacked by the insidious consumption which ravaged him for ten +years, the putting of this resolution into practice was for several +years deferred. + +At that I felt that I myself must venture, and, as a beginning, Julius +Lange and I, in collaboration, wrote a humorous article on Schmidt's +review of _The Logic of Fundamental Ideas_, which Lange was to get into +_The Daily Paper_, to which he had access. Three days after the article +was finished Lange came to me and told me that to his dismay it +was--gone. It was so exactly like him that I was just as delighted as +if he had informed me that the article was printed. For some time we +hoped that it might be on Lange's table, for, the day before, he had +said: + +"I am not of a curious disposition, but I should like to know what +there really is on that table!" + +However, it had irrevocably disappeared. + +I then came forward myself with a number of shorter articles which I +succeeded in getting accepted by the _Fatherland_. When I entered for +the first time Ploug's tiny little office high up at the top of a house +behind Höjbro Place, the gruff man was not unfriendly. Surprised at the +youthful appearance of the person who walked in, he merely burst out: +"How old are you?" And to the reply: "Twenty-three and a half," he said +smilingly, "Don't forget the half." + +The first article was not printed for months; the next ones appeared +without such long delay. But Ploug was somewhat uneasy about the +contents of them, and cautiously remarked that there was "not to be any +fun made of Religion," which it could not truthfully be said I had +done. But I had touched upon dogmatic Belief and that was enough. + +Later on, Ploug had a notion that, as he once wrote, he had excluded me +from the paper as soon as he perceived my mischievous tendency. This +was a failure of memory on his part; the reason I left the paper was a +different one, and I left of my own accord. + +Bold and surly, virile and reliable as Ploug seemed, in things +journalistic you could place slight dependence on his word. His dearest +friend admitted as much; he gave his consent, and then forgot it, or +withdrew it. Nothing is more general, but it made an overweening +impression on a beginner like myself, inexperienced in the ways of life. + +When Ibsen's _Brand_ came out, creating an unusual sensation, I asked +Ploug if I might review the book and received a definite "Yes" from +him. I then wrote my article, to which I devoted no little pains, but +when I took it in it was met by him, to my astonishment, with the +remark that the paper had now received another notice from their +regular reviewer, whom he "could not very well kick aside." Ploug's +promise had apparently been meaningless! I went my way with my article, +firmly resolved never to go there again. + +From 1866 to 1870 I sought and found acceptance for my newspaper +articles (not very numerous) in Bille's _Daily Paper_, which in its +turn closed its columns to me after my first series of lectures at the +University of Copenhagen. Bille as an editor was pleasant, a little +patronising, it is true, but polite and invariably good-tempered. He +usually received his contributors reclining at full length on his sofa, +his head, with its beautifully cut features, resting against a cushion +and his comfortable little stomach protruding. He was scarcely of +medium height, quick in everything he did, very clear, a little flat; +very eloquent, but taking somewhat external views; pleased at the great +favour he enjoyed among the Copenhagen bourgeoisie. If he entered +Tivoli's Concert Hall in an evening all the waiter's ran about at once +like cockroaches. They hurried to know what he might please to want, +and fetched chairs for him and his party. Gay, adaptable, and +practised, he was the principal speaker at every social gathering. In +his editorial capacity he was courteous, decided, and a man of his +word; he did not allow himself to be alarmed by trifles. When Björnson +attacked me (I was at the time his youngest contributor), he raised my +scale of pay, unsolicited. The first hitch in our relations occurred +when in 1869 I published a translation of Mill's Subjection of Women. +This book roused Bille's exasperation and displeasure. He forbade it to +be reviewed in his paper, refused me permission to defend it in the +paper, and would not even allow the book in his house, so that his +family had to read it clandestinely, as a dangerous and pernicious work. + + +XXIV. + +In the beginning of the year 1866 Ludvig David died suddenly in Rome, +of typhoid fever. His sorrowing parents founded in memory of him an +exhibition for law-students which bears and perpetuates his name. The +first executors of the fund were, in addition to his most intimate +friend, two young lawyers named Emil Petersen and Emil Bruun, who had +both been friends of his. The latter, who has not previously been +mentioned in these pages, was a strikingly handsome and clever young +man, remarkable for his calm and superior humour, and exceedingly +self-confident and virile. His attitude towards Ludvig David in his +early youth had been somewhat that of a protector. Unfortunately he was +seriously wounded during the first storming of the Dybböl redoubts by +the Germans; a bullet crushed one of the spinal vertebrae; gradually +the wound brought on consumption of the lungs and he died young. + +Ludvig David's death was a great loss to his friends. It was not only +that he took such an affectionate interest in their welfare and +happiness, but he had a considerable gift for Mathematics and History, +and, from his home training, an understanding of affairs of state which +was considerably above that of most people. Peculiarly his own was a +combination of keen, disintegrating intelligence, and a tendency +towards comprehensive, rounded off, summarising. He had strong public +antipathies. In his opinion the years of peace that had followed the +first war in Slesvig had had an enervating effect; public speakers and +journalists had taken the places of brave men; many a solution of a +difficulty, announced at first with enthusiasm, had in course of time +petrified into a mere set phrase. He thought many of the leading men +among the Liberals superficial and devoid of character, and accused +them, with the pitilessness of youth, of mere verbiage. Influenced as +he was by Kierkegaard, such a man as Bille was naturally his aversion. +He considered--not altogether justly--that Bille cloaked himself in +false earnestness. + +He himself was profoundly and actively philanthropic, with an +impulse--by no means universal--to relieve and help. Society life he +hated; to him it was waste of time and a torture to be obliged to +figure in a ballroom; he cared very little for his appearance, and was +by no means elegant in his dress. He was happy, however, in the +unconstrained society of the comrades he cared about, enjoyed a merry +chat or a frolicsome party, and in intimate conversation he would +reveal his inmost nature with modest unpretension, with good-natured +wit, directed against himself as much as against others, and with an +understanding and sympathetic eye for his surroundings. His warmest +outburst had generally a little touch of mockery or teasing about it, +as though he were repeating, half roguishly, the feelings of another, +rather than unreservedly expressing his own. But a heartfelt, steadfast +look would often come into his beautiful dark eyes. + + +XXV. + +His death left a great void in his home. His old father said to me one +day: + +"Strange how one ends as one begins! I have written no verses since my +early youth, and now I have written a poem on my grief for Ludvig. I +will read it to you." + +There was an Art and Industrial Exhibition in Stockholm, that Summer, +which C.N. David was anxious to see. As he did not care to go alone, he +took me in his son's place. It was my first journey to a foreign +capital, and as such both enjoyable and profitable. I no longer, it is +true, had the same intense boyish impressionability as when I was in +Sweden for the first time, seven years before. The most trifling thing +then had been an experience. In Göteborg I had stayed with a friend of +my mother's, whose twelve-year-old daughter, Bluma Alida, a wondrously +charming little maiden, had jokingly been destined by the two mothers +for my bride from the child's very birth. And at that time I had +assimilated every impression of people or scenery with a voracious +appetite which rendered these impressions ineffaceable all my life +long. That Summer month, my fancy had transformed every meeting with a +young girl into an adventure and fixed every landscape on my mental +retina with an affection such as the landscape painter generally only +feels for a place where he is specially at home. Then I had shared for +a whole month Göteborg family and social life. Now I was merely +travelling as a tourist, and as the companion of a highly respected old +man. + +I was less entranced at Stockholm by the Industrial Exhibition than by +the National Museum and the Royal Theatre, where the lovely Hyasser +captivated me by her beauty and the keen energy of her acting. I became +exceedingly fond of Stockholm, this most beautifully situated of the +Northern capitals, and saw, with reverence, the places associated with +the name of Bellman. I also accompanied my old friend to Ulriksdal, +where the Swedish Queen Dowager expected him in audience. More than an +hour before we reached the Castle he threw away his cigar. + +"I am an old courtier," he remarked. He had always been intimately +associated with the Danish Royal family; for a long time the Crown +Prince used to go regularly to his flat in Queen's Crossway Street, to +be instructed by him in political economy. He was consequently used to +Court ceremonial. + +Beautiful were those Summer days, lovely the light nights in Stockholm. + +One recollection from these weeks is associated with a night when the +sky was overcast. I had wandered round the town, before retiring to +rest, and somewhere, in a large square, slipping my hand in my pocket, +and feeling it full of bits of paper, could not remember how they got +there, and threw them away. When I was nearly back at the hotel it +flashed upon me that it had been small Swedish notes--all the money +that I had changed for my stay in Stockholm--that I had been carrying +loose in my pocket and had so thoughtlessly thrown away. With a great +deal of trouble, I found the square again, but of course not a sign of +the riches that in unpardonable forgetfulness I had scattered to the +winds. I was obliged to borrow six Rigsdaler (a sum of a little over +thirteen shillings) from my old protector. That my requirements were +modest is proved by the fact that this sum sufficed. + +The Danish Ambassador was absent from Stockholm just at this time, and +the Chargé d'Affaires at the Legation had to receive the Danish +ex-Minister in his stead. He was very attentive to us, and took the +travellers everywhere where C.N. David wished his arrival to be made +known. He himself, however, was a most unfortunate specimen of Danish +diplomacy, a man disintegrated by hideous debauchery, of coarse +conversation, and disposition so brutal that he kicked little children +aside with his foot when they got in front of him in the street. +Abnormities of too great irregularity brought about, not long +afterwards, his dismissal and his banishment to a little Danish island. + +This man gave a large dinner-party in honour of the Danish ex-Minister, +to which, amongst others, all the Swedish and Norwegian Ministers in +Stockholm were invited. It was held at Hasselbakken, [Footnote: a +favourite outdoor pleasure resort at Stockholm.] and the arrangements +were magnificent. But what highly astonished me, and was in reality +most out of keeping in such a circle, was the tone that the +conversation at table gradually assumed, and especially the obscenity +of the subjects of conversation. It was not, however, the Ministers and +Diplomats present, but a Danish roué, a professor of Physics, who gave +this turn to the talk. He related anecdotes that would have made a +sailor blush. Neither Count Manderström, nor any of the other +Ministers, neither Malmgren, nor the dignified and handsome Norwegian +Minister Bretteville, seemed to be offended. Manderström's expression, +however, changed very noticeably when the professor ventured to make +some pointed insinuations regarding the Swedish attitude, and his +personal attitude in particular, previous to the Dano-German war and +during its course. He suddenly pretended not to understand, and changed +the subject of conversation. + +It produced an extremely painful impression upon me that not only the +Danish Chargé d'Affaires, but apparently several of these fine +gentlemen, had determined on the additional amusement of making me +drunk. Everybody at table vied one with the other to drink my health, +and they informed me that etiquette demanded I should each time empty +my glass to the bottom; the contrary would be a breach of good form. As +I very quickly saw through their intention, I escaped from the +difficulty by asking the waiter to bring me a very small glass. By +emptying this I could, without my manners being affected, hold my own +against them all. + +But,--almost for the first time in my life,--when the company rose from +table I felt that I had been in exceedingly bad company, and a disgust +for the nominally highest circles, who were so little capable of acting +in accordance with the reputation they enjoyed, and the polish imputed +to them, remained with me for many years to come. + + + + +FIRST LONG SOJOURN ABROAD + +My Wish to See Paris--_Dualism in our Modern Philosophy_--A +Journey--Impressions of Paris--Lessons in French--Mademoiselle +Mathilde--Taine. + + +I. + +I had wished for years to see Paris, the city that roused my most +devout feelings. As a youth I had felt a kind of reverent awe for the +French Revolution, which represented to me the beginning of human +conditions for all those who were not of the favoured among men,--and +Paris was the city of the Revolution. Moreover, it was the city of +Napoleon, the only ruler since Caesar who had seriously fascinated me, +though my feelings for him changed so much that now admiration, now +aversion, got the upper hand. And Paris was the city, too, of the old +culture, the city of Julian the Apostate, the city of the middle ages, +that Victor Hugo had portrayed in _Notre Dame de Paris_--the first book +I had read in French, difficult though it was with its many peculiar +expressions for Gothic arches and buttresses--and it was the city where +Alfred de Musset had written his poems and where Delacroix had painted. +The Louvre and the Luxembourg, the Théâtre Français and the Gymnase +were immense treasuries that tempted me. In the Autumn of 1866, when +Gabriel Sibbern started to Paris, somewhat before I myself could get +away, my last words to him: "Till we meet again in the Holy City!" were +by no means a jest. + + +II. + +Before I could start, I had to finish the pamphlet which, with +Sibbern's help, I had written against Nielsen's adjustment of the split +between Protestant orthodoxy and the scientific view of the universe, +and which I had called _Dualism in our Modern Philosophy_. I was not +troubled with any misgivings as to how I should get the book published. +As long ago as 1864 a polite, smiling, kindly man, who introduced +himself to me as Frederik Hegel, the bookseller, had knocked at the +door of my little room and asked me to let him print the essay which I +had written for my Master of Arts examination, and if possible he would +also like the paper which had won the University gold medal; and in +fact, anything else I might wish published. To my amazed reply that +those essays were not worth publishing, and that in general I did not +consider what I wrote sufficiently mature for publication, Hegel had +first suggested that I should leave that question to the publisher, and +then, when he saw that my refusal was honestly meant, had simply asked +me to take my work to him when I myself considered that the moment had +arrived. On this occasion, as on many others, the acute and daring +publisher gave proof of the _flair_ which made him the greatest in the +North. He accepted the little book without raising any difficulties, +merely remarking that it would have to be spread out a little in the +printing, that it might not look too thin. Even before the pamphlet was +mentioned in the Press, its author was on his way to foreign parts. + + +III. + +On one of the first days of November, I journeyed, in a tremendous +storm, to Lübeck, the characteristic buildings of which (the Church of +Mary, the Exchange, the Town-hall), together with the remains of the +old fortifications, aroused my keen interest. In this Hanse town, with +its strongly individual stamp, I found myself carried back three +hundred years. + +I was amazed at the slave-like dress of the workmen, the pointed hats +of the girls, and the wood pavements, which were new to me. + +I travelled through Germany with a Portuguese, a little doctor from the +University of Coimbra, in whose queer French fifteen was _kouss_ and +Goethe _Shett_. A practical American, wrapped up in a waterproof, took +up three places to lie down in one evening, pretended to sleep, and +never stirred all night, forcing his inexperienced fellow-travellers to +crowd up into the corners of the carriage, and when the day broke, +chatted with them as pleasantly as if they and he were the best friends +in the world. + +At Cologne, where I had stood, reverential, in the noble forest of +pillars in the Cathedral, then afterwards, in my simplicity, allowed +someone to foist a whole case of Eau de Cologne upon me, I shortened my +stay, in my haste to see Paris. But, having by mistake taken a train +which would necessitate my waiting several hours at Liège, I decided +rather to continue my journey to Brussels and see that city too. The +run through Belgium seemed to me heavenly, as for a time I happened to +be quite alone in my compartment and I walked up and down, intoxicated +with the joy of travelling. + +Brussels was the first large French town I saw; it was a foretaste of +Paris, and delighted me. + +Never having been out in the world on my own account before, I was +still as inexperienced and awkward as a child. It was not enough that I +had got into the wrong train; I discovered, to my shame, that I had +mislaid the key of my box, which made me think anxiously of the customs +officials in Paris, and I was also so stupid as to ask the boots in the +Brussels hotel for "a little room," so that they gave me a miserable +little sleeping-place under the roof. + +But at night, after I had rambled about the streets of Brussels, as I +sat on a bench somewhere on a broad boulevard, an overwhelming, +terrifying, transporting sense of my solitariness came over me. It +seemed to me as though now, alone in a foreign land, at night time, in +this human swarm, where no one knew me and I knew no one, where no one +would look for me if anything were to happen to me, I was for the first +time thrown entirely on my own resources, and I recognised in the +heavens, with a feeling of reassurance, old friends among the stars. + +With a guide, whom in my ignorance I thought necessary, I saw the +sights of the town, and afterwards, for the first time, saw a French +play. So little experience of the world had I, that, during the +interval, I left my overcoat, which I had not given up to the +attendant, lying on the seat in the pit, and my neighbour had to +explain to me that such great confidence in my fellow-men was out of +place. + +Everything was new to me, everything fascinated me. I, who only knew +"indulgence" from my history lessons at school, saw with keen interest +the priest in a Brussels church dispense "_indulgence plénière_," or, +in Flemish, _vollen aflaet_. I was interested in the curious names of +the ecclesiastical orders posted up in the churches, marvelled, for +instance, at a brotherhood that was called "St. Andrew Avellin, patron +saint against apoplexy, epilepsy and sudden death." + +In the carriage from Brussels I had for travelling companion a pretty +young Belgian girl named Marie Choteau, who was travelling with her +father, but talked all the time to her foreign fellow-traveller, and in +the course of conversation showed me a Belgian history and a Belgian +geography, from which it appeared that Belgium was the centre of the +globe, the world's most densely built over, most religious, and at the +same time most enlightened country, the one which, in proportion to its +size, had the most and largest industries. I gave her some of my +bountiful supply of Eau de Cologne. + + +IV. + +The tiring night-journey, with its full four hours' wait at Liège, was +all pure enjoyment to me, and in a mood of mild ecstasy, at last, at +half-past ten on the morning of November 11th 1866, I made my entry +into Paris, and was received cordially by the proprietors of a modest +but clean little hotel which is still standing, No. 20 Rue Notre Dame +des Victoires, by the proprietors, two simple Lorrainers, François and +Müller, to whom Gabriel Sibbern, who was staying there, had announced +my arrival. The same morning Sibbern guided my first steps to one of +Pasdeloup's great classical popular concerts. + +In the evening, in spite of my fatigue after travelling all night, I +went to the Théâtre Français for the first time, and there, lost in +admiration of the masterly ensemble and the natural yet passionate +acting, with which I had hitherto seen nothing to compare, I saw +Girardin's _Le supplice d'une femme_, and Beaumarchais' _Le mariage de +Figaro_, in one evening making the acquaintance of such stars as +Régnier, Madame Favart, Coquelin and the Sisters Brohan. + +Régnier especially, in his simple dignity, was an unforgettable figure, +being surrounded, moreover, in my eyes by the glory which the +well-known little poem of Alfred de Musset, written to comfort the +father's heart, had shed upon him. Of the two celebrated sisters, +Augustine was all wit, Madeleine pure beauty and arch, melting grace. + +These first days were rich days to me, and as they did not leave me any +time for thinking over what I had seen, my impressions overwhelmed me +at night, till sometimes I could not sleep for sheer happiness. This, +to me, was happiness, an uninterrupted garnering of intellectual wealth +in association with objects that all appealed to my sympathies, and I +wrote home: "To be here, young, healthy, with alert senses, keen eyes +and good ears, with all the curiosity, eagerness to know, love of +learning, and susceptibility to every impression, that is youth's own +prerogative, and to have no worries about home, all that is so great a +happiness that I am sometimes tempted, like Polycrates, to fling the +handsome ring I had from Christian Richardt in the gutter." + +For the rest, I was too fond of characteristic architecture to feel +attracted by the building art displayed in the long, regular streets of +Napoleon III, and too permeated with national prejudices to be able at +once to appreciate French sculpture. I was justified in feeling +repelled by many empty allegorical pieces on public monuments, but +during the first weeks I lacked perception for such good sculpture as +is to be found in the _foyer_ of the Théâtre Français. "You reel at +every step," I wrote immediately after my arrival, "that France has +never had a Thorwaldsen, and that Denmark possesses an indescribable +treasure in him. We are and remain, in three or four directions, the +first nation in Europe. This is pure and simple truth." + +To my youthful ignorance it was the truth, but it hardly remained such +after the first month. + +Being anxious to see as much as possible and not let anything of +interest escape me, I went late to bed, and yet got up early, and tried +to regulate my time, as one does a blanket that is too short. + +I was immensely interested in the art treasures from all over the world +collected in the Louvre. Every single morning, after eating my modest +breakfast at a _crêmerie_ near the château, I paid my vows in the +_Salon carré_ and then absorbed myself in the other halls. The gallery +of the Louvre was the one to which I owe my initiation. Before, I had +seen hardly any Italian art in the original, and no French at all. In +Copenhagen I had been able to worship all the Dutch masters. Leonardo +and the Venetians spoke to me here for the first time. French painting +and sculpture, Puget and Houdon, Clouet and Delacroix, and the French +art that was modern then, I learnt for the first time to love and +appreciate at the Luxembourg. + +I relished these works of art, and the old-time art of the Greeks and +Egyptians which the Museum of the Louvre contained, in a mild +intoxication of delight. + +And I inbreathed Paris into my soul. When on the broad, handsome Place +de la Concorde, I saw at the same time, with my bodily eyes, the +beautifully impressive obelisk, and in my mind's eye the scaffold on +which the royal pair met with their death in the Revolution; when in +the Latin quarter I went upstairs to the house in which Charlotte +Corday murdered Marat, or when, in the highest storey of the Louvre, I +gazed at the little gray coat from Marengo and the three-cornered hat, +or from the Arc de Triomphe let my glance roam over the city, the life +that pulsated through my veins seemed stimulated tenfold by sight and +visions. + +Yet it was not only the city of Paris, its appearance, its art gems, +that I eagerly made my own, and with them much that intellectually +belonged to Italy or the Netherlands; it was French culture, the best +that the French nature contains, the fragrance of her choicest flowers, +that I inhaled. + +And while thus for the first time learning to know French people, and +French intellectual life, I was unexpectedly admitted to constant +association with men and women of the other leading Romance races, +Italians, Spaniards, Portuguese, Brazilians. + +Bröchner had given me a letter of introduction to Costanza Testa, a +friend of his youth, now married to Count Oreste Blanchetti and living +in Paris, with her somewhat older sister Virginia, a kind-hearted and +amiable woman of the world. The latter had married in Brazil, as her +second husband, the Italian banker Pagella, and to their house came, +not only Italians and other European Southerners, but members of the +South American colony. + +So warm a reception as I met with from the two sisters and their +husbands I had never had anywhere before. After I had known the two +families one hour, these people treated me as though I were their +intimate friend; Costanza's younger brother, they called me. I had a +seat in their carriage every day, when the ladies drove out in the Bois +de Boulogne; they never had a box at the Italian opera, where Adelina +Patti's first notes were delighting her countrymen, without sending me +a seat. They expected me every evening, however late it often might be +when I came from the theatre, in their drawing-room, where, according +to the custom of their country, they always received the same circle of +friends. + +I was sincerely attached to the two sisters, and felt myself at ease in +their house, although the conversation there was chiefly carried on in +a language of which I understood but little, since French was spoken +only on my account. The only shadow over my pleasure at spending my +evenings in the Rue Valois du Roule was the fact that this necessitated +my missing some acts at the Théâtre Français, for which the Danish +Minister, through the Embassy, had procured me a free pass. Certainly +no Dane was ever made so happy by the favour. They were enraptured +hours that I spent evening after evening in the French national +theatre, where I became thoroughly acquainted with the modern, as well +as the classical, dramatic repertoire,--an acquaintance which was +further fortified during my long stay in Paris in 1870. + +I enjoyed the moderation of the best actors, their restraint, and +subordination of self to the rôle and the general effect. It is true +that the word genius could only be applied to a very few of the actors, +and at that time I saw none who, in my opinion, could be compared with +the great representatives of the Danish stage, such as Michael Wiehe, +Johanne Luise Heiberg, or Phister. But I perceived at once that the +mannerisms of these latter would not be tolerated here for a moment; +here, under the influence of this artistic whole-harmony, they would +never have been able to give free vent to individuality and peculiarity +as they did at home. + +I saw many hundred performances in these first years of my youth at the +Théâtre Français, which was then at its zenith. There, if anywhere, I +felt the silent march of the French muses through Time and Space. + + +V. + +A capable journalist named Grégoire, a sickly, prematurely aged, +limping fellow, with alert wits, an Alsatian, who knew Danish and +regularly read Bille's _Daily Paper_, had in many ways taken me up +almost from the first day of my sojourn on French soil. This man +recommended me, on my expressing a wish to meet with a competent +teacher, to take instruction in the language from a young girl, a +friend of his sister, who was an orphan and lived with her aunt. She +was of good family, the daughter of a colonel and the granddaughter of +an admiral, but her own and her aunt's circumstances were narrow, and +she was anxious to give lessons. + +When I objected that such lessons could hardly be really instructive, I +was told that she was not only in every way a nice but a very gifted +and painstaking young girl. + +The first time I entered the house, as a future pupil, I found the +young lady, dressed in a plain black silk dress, surrounded by a circle +of toddlers of both sexes, for whom she had a sort of school, and whom +on my arrival she sent away. She had a pretty figure, a face that was +attractive without being beautiful, a large mouth with good teeth, and +dark brown hair. Her features were a little indefinite, her face rather +broad than oval, her eyes brown and affectionate. She had at any rate +the beauty that twenty years lends. We arranged for four lessons a +week, to begin with. + +The first dragged considerably. My teacher was to correct any mistakes +in pronunciation and grammar that I made in conversation. But we could +not get up any proper conversation. She was evidently bored by the +lessons, which she had only undertaken for the sake of the fees. If I +began to tell her anything, she only half listened, and yawned with all +her might very often and very loudly, although she politely put her +hand in front of her large mouth. There only came a little animation +into her expression when I either pronounced as badly as I had been +taught by my French master at school, or made some particularly +ludicrous mistake, such as _c'est tout égal_ for _bien égal_. At other +times she was distracted, sleepy, her thoughts elsewhere. + +After having tried vainly for a few times to interest the young lady by +my communications, I grew tired of the lessons. Moreover, they were of +very little advantage to me, for the simple reason that my youthful +teacher had not the very slightest scientific or even grammatical +knowledge of her own tongue, and consequently could never answer my +questions as to _why_ you had to pronounce in such and such a way, or +by virtue of what _rule_ you expressed yourself in such and such a +manner. I began to neglect my lessons, sometimes made an excuse, but +oftener remained away without offering any explanation. + +On my arrival one afternoon, after having repeatedly stayed away, the +young lady met me with some temper, and asked the reason of my failures +to come, plainly enough irritated and alarmed at my indifference, which +after all was only the reflection of her own. I promised politely to be +more regular in future. To insure this, she involuntarily became more +attentive. + +She yawned no more. I did not stay away again. + +She began to take an interest herself in this eldest pupil of hers, who +at 24 years of age looked 20 and who was acquainted with all sorts of +things about conditions, countries, and people of which she knew +nothing. + +She had been so strictly brought up that nearly all secular reading was +forbidden to her, and she had never been to any theatre, not even the +Théâtre Français. She had not read Victor Hugo, Lamartine, or Musset, +had not even dared to read _Paul et Virginie_, only knew expurgated +editions of Corneille, Racine and Molière. She was sincerely clerical, +had early been somewhat influenced by her cousin, later the well-known +Roman Catholic author, Ernest Hello, and in our conversations was +always ready to take the part of the Jesuits against Pascal; what the +latter had attacked were some antiquated and long-abandoned doctrinal +books; even if there were defects in the teaching of certain Catholic +ecclesiastics, their lives at any rate were exemplary, whereas the +contrary was the case with the free-thinking men of science; their +teaching was sometimes unassailable, but the lives they led could not +be taken seriously. + +When we two young people got into a dispute, we gradually drew nearer +to one another. Our remarks contradicted each other, but an +understanding came about between our eyes. One day, as I was about to +leave, she called me back from the staircase, and, very timidly, +offered me an orange. The next time she blushed slightly when I came +in. She frequently sent me cards of admission to the Athénée, a +recently started institution, in which lectures were given by good +speakers. She began to look pleased at my coming and to express regret +at the thought of my departure. + +On New Year's day, as a duty gift, I had sent her a bouquet of white +flowers, and the next day she had tears in her eyes as she thanked me: +"I ask you to believe that I highly appreciate your attention." From +that time forth she spoke more and more often of how empty it would be +for her when I was gone. I was not in love with her, but was too young +for her feelings, so unreservedly expressed, to leave me unaffected, +and likewise young enough to imagine that she expected me before long +to ask for her hand. So I soon informed her that I did not feel so +warmly towards her as she did towards me, and that I was not thinking +of binding myself for the present. + +"Do you think me so poor an observer?" she replied, amazed. "I have +never made any claims upon you, even in my thoughts. But I owe you the +happiest month of my life." + + +VI. + +This was about the state of affairs between Mademoiselle Louise and me, +when one evening, at Pagella's, where there were Southerners of various +races present, I was introduced to a young lady, Mademoiselle Mathilde +M., who at first sight made a powerful impression upon me. + +She was a young Spanish Brazilian, tall of stature, a proud and +dazzling racial beauty. The contours of her head were so impeccably +perfect that one scarcely understood how Nature could have made such a +being inadvertently, without design. The rosy hue of her complexion +made the carnation even of a beautiful woman's face look chalky or +crimson by the side of hers. At the same time there was a something in +the colour of her skin that made me understand better the womanish +appearance of Zurbaran and Ribera, a warm glow which I had never seen +in Nature before. Her heavy, bluish-black hair hung down, after the +fashion of the day, in little curls over her forehead and fell in thick +ringlets upon her shoulders. Her eyebrows were exquisitely pencilled, +arched and almost met over her delicate nose, her eyes were burning and +a deep brown; they conquered, and smiled; her mouth was a little too +small, with white teeth that were a little too large, her bust slender +and full. Her manner was distinguished, her voice rich; but most +marvellous of all was her hand, such a hand as Parmeggianino might have +painted, all soul, branching off into five delightful fingers. + +Mentally I unhesitatingly dubbed her the most marvelous feminine +creature I had ever seen, and that less on account of her loveliness +than the blending of the magnificence of her bearing with the ardour, +and often the frolicsomeness, of her mode of expression. + +She was always vigorous and sometimes daring in her statements, cared +only for the unusual, loved only "the impossible," but nevertheless +carefully observed every established custom of society. To my very +first remark to her, to the effect that the weakness of women was +mostly only an habitual phrase; they were not weak except when they +wished to be, she replied: "Young as you are, you know women very +well!" In that she was quite wrong. + +Besides Spanish and Portuguese, she spoke French perfectly and English +not badly, sang in a melodious contralto voice, drew well for an +amateur, carved alabaster vases, and had all kinds of talents. She did +not care to sing ballads, only cared for grand pathos. + +She was just twenty years of age, and had come into the world at Rio, +where her father represented the Spanish government. The family were +descended from Cervantes. As she had early been left motherless, her +father had sent her over in her fifteenth year to her aunt in Paris. +This latter was married to an old monstrosity of a Spaniard, religious +to the verge of insanity, who would seem to have committed some crime +in his youth and now spent his whole day in the church, which was next +door to his house, imploring forgiveness for his sins. He was only at +home at mealtimes, when he ate an alarming amount, and he associated +only with priests. The aunt herself, however, in spite of her age, was +a pleasure-seeking woman, rarely allowed her niece to stay at home and +occupy herself as she liked, but dragged her everywhere about with her +to parties and balls. In her aunt's company she sometimes felt +depressed, but alone she was cheerful and without a care. At the +Pagellas' she was like a child of the house. She had the Spanish love +of ceremony and magnificence, the ready repartee of the Parisian, and, +like a well-brought-up girl, knew how to preserve the balance between +friendliness and mirth. She was not in the least prudish, and she +understood everything; but there was a certain sublimity in her manner. + +While Mademoiselle Louise, the little Parisian, had been brought up in +a convent, kept from all free, intelligent, mundane conversation, and +all free artistic impressions, the young Spaniard, at the same age, had +the education and the style of a woman of the world in her manner. + +We two young frequenters of the Pagella salon, felt powerfully drawn to +one another. We understood one another at once. Of course, it was only +I who was fascinated. When, in an evening, I drove across Paris in the +expectation of seeing her, I sometimes murmured to myself Henrik +Hertz's verse: + + "My beloved is like the dazzling day, + Brazilia's Summer!" + +My feelings, however, were much more admiration than love or desire. I +did not really want to possess her. I never felt myself quite on a +level with her even when she made decided advances to me. I rejoiced +over her as over something perfect, and there was the rich, foreign +colouring about her that there had been about the birds of paradise in +my nursery. She seldom disturbed my peace of mind, but I said to myself +that if I were to go away then, I should in all probability never see +her again, as her father would be taking her the next year to Brazil or +Madrid, and I sometimes felt as though I should be going away from my +happiness forever. She often asked me to stay with such expressions and +with such an expression that I was quite bewildered. And then she +monopolised my thoughts altogether, like the queenly being she was. + +A Danish poet had once called the beautiful women of the South "Large, +showy flowers without fragrance." Was she a large, showy flower? +Forget-me-nots were certainly by no means showy, but they were none the +more odorous for that. + +Now that I was seeing the radiant Mathilde almost every day, my +position with regard to Louise seemed to me a false one. I did not yet +know how exceedingly rare an undivided feeling is, did not understand +that my feelings towards Mathilde were just as incomplete as those I +cherished for Louise. I looked on Mademoiselle Mathilde as on a work of +art, but I came more humanly close to Mademoiselle Louise. She did not +evoke my enthusiastic admiration; that was quite true, but Mademoiselle +Mathilde evoked my enthusiastic admiration only. If there were a great +deal of compassion mingled with my feelings for the Parisian, there was +likewise a slight erotic element. + +The young Frenchwoman, in her passion, found expressions for affection +and tenderness, in which she forgot all pride. She lived in a +commingling, very painful for me, of happiness at my still being in +Paris, and of horror at my approaching departure, which I was now about +to accelerate, merely to escape from the extraordinary situation in +which I found myself, and which I was too young to carry. Although +Mathilde, whom I had never seen alone, was always the same, quite the +great lady, perfectly self-controlled, it was the thought of saying +good-bye to her that was the more painful to me. Every other day, on +the other hand, Louise was trembling and ill, and I dreaded the moment +of separation. + + +VII. + +I had not left off my daily work in Paris, but had read industriously +at the Imperial Library. I had also attended many lectures, some +occasionally, others regularly, such as those of Janet, Caro, Lévêque +and Taine. + +Of all contemporary French writers, I was fondest of Taine. I had begun +studying this historian and thinker in Copenhagen. The first book of +his that I read was _The French Philosophers of the Nineteenth +Century_, in a copy that had been lent to me by Gabriel Sibbern. The +book entranced me, and I determined to read every word that I could get +hold of by the same author. In the Imperial Library in Paris I read +first of all _The History of English Literature_, of which I had +hitherto only been acquainted with a few fragments, which had appeared +in the _Revue des Deux Mondes_. Taine was to me an antidote to German +abstraction and German pedantry. Through him I found the way to my own +inmost nature, which my Dano-German University education had covered +over. + +Shortly after my arrival in Paris, therefore, I had written to Taine +and begged for an interview. By a singular piece of ill-luck his reply +to me was lost, and it was only at the very end of my stay that I +received a second invitation to go to him. Although this one +conversation could not be of any vast importance to me, it was +nevertheless the first personal link between me and the man who was and +remained my greatly loved master and deliverer, even though I +mistrusted his essential teachings. I was afraid that I had created a +bad impression, as I had wasted the time raising objections; but Taine +knew human nature well enough to perceive the personality behind the +clumsy form and the admiration behind the criticism. In reality, I was +filled with passionate gratitude towards Taine, and this feeling +remained unaltered until his latest hour. + +During this my first stay in Paris I added the impression of Taine's +personality to the wealth of impressions that I took back with me from +Paris to Copenhagen. + + + + +EARLY MANHOOD + +Feud in Danish Literature--Riding--Youthful Longings--On the Rack--My +First Living Erotic Reality--An Impression of the Miseries of Modern +Coercive Marriage--Researches on the Comic--Dramatic Criticism--A Trip +to Germany--Johanne Louise Heiberg--Magdalene Thoresen--Rudolph +Bergh--The Sisters Spang--A Foreign Element--The Woman Subject--Orla +Lehmann--M. Goldschmidt--Public Opposition--A Letter from Björnstjerne +Björnson--Hard Work. + + +I. + +After my return from France to Denmark, in 1867, my thoughts were taken +up once more by the feud that had broken out in Danish literature +between Science and so-called Revelation (in the language of the time, +Faith and Knowledge). More and more had by degrees entered the lists, +and I, who centred my greatest intellectual interest in the battle, +took part in it with a dual front, against the orthodox theologians, +and more especially against R. Nielsen, the assailant of the +theologians, whom I regarded as no less theologically inclined than his +opponents. + +I thereby myself became the object of a series of violent attacks from +various quarters. These did not have any appreciable effect on my +spirits, but they forced me for years into a somewhat irritating +attitude of self-defence. Still I was now arrived at that period of my +youth when philosophy and art were unable to keep temperament in check. + + +II. + +This manifested itself first in a fresh need for physical exercise. +During the first two years after the decision of 1864, while things +were leading up to war between Prussia and Austria, and while the young +blood of Denmark imagined that their country would be drawn into this +war, I had taken part, as a member of the Academic Shooting Society, in +drill and shooting practice. After the battle of Königgratz these +occupations lost much of their attraction. + +I was now going in for an exercise that was new to me and which I had +long wished to become proficient in. This was riding. + +Up to that time I had never been able to afford to ride. But just then +a captain of the dragoons offered to teach me for a very low fee, and +in the Queen's Riding-School I was initiated during the Spring months +into the elementary stages of the art, in order that in Summer I might +be able to ride out. These riding-lessons were the keenest possible +delight to me. I, who so seldom felt happy, and still more seldom +jubilant, was positively exultant as I rode out in the morning along +the Strand Road. Even if I had had an almost sleepless night I felt +fresh on horseback. + +It was no pleasure to me to ride the same horse often, if I knew its +disposition. I liked to change as often as possible, and preferred +rather difficult horses to mares too well broken in. I felt the +arrogant pride of youth seethe in my veins as I galloped briskly along. + +I was still far from an accomplished horseman when an examination of my +finances warned me that I must give up my riding lessons. + +When I informed my instructor that I could no longer allow myself the +pleasure of his lessons, and in reply to his "Why?" had mentioned the +reason, the captain answered that it would be very easy to settle that +matter: he had a sister, an elderly maiden lady, who was passionately +fond of literature and literary history. Lessons in that subject could +to our mutual satisfaction balance the riding lessons, which could thus +go on indefinitely. It is unnecessary to say how welcome the +proposition was to me. It was such a relief! + +The captain was a pleasant, good-natured man, quite uneducated in +literary matters, who confidingly communicated his bachelor experiences +to his pupil. These were summed up in the reflection that when +womenkind fall in love, they dread neither fire nor water; the captain +himself, who yet, in his own opinion, only looked well on horseback, +had once had an affair with a married lady who bombarded him with +letters, and who, in her ardour, began writing one day without noticing +that her husband, who was standing behind her chair, was looking over +her shoulder. Since then the captain had not felt the need of women, so +to speak, preferred to be without them, and found his greatest pleasure +in his horses and his skill as an equestrian. + +The sister was a maiden lady of forty, by no means devoid of +intellectual ability, with talent for observation and an appreciation +of good books, but whose development had been altogether neglected. She +now cherished an ambition to write. She wrote in secret little tales +that were not really stupid but had not the slightest pretensions to +style or literary talent. She was very plain and exceedingly stout, +which produced a comical effect, especially as she was inclined to +exaggeration both of speech and gesture. + +There was a disproportion between the ages of the master and the pupil; +in my eyes she was quite an old person, in her eyes, being her +intellectual equal, I was likewise her equal in age. In the natural +order of things she felt more personal sympathy for me than I for her. +Consequently, I involuntarily put a dash of teasing into my +instruction, and occasionally made fun of her sentimentality, and when +the large lady, half angry, half distressed, rose to seize hold of me +and give me a shaking, I would run round the table, pursued by her, or +shoot out a chair between her and myself,--which indubitably did not +add to the dignity of our lessons. + +There was no question of thorough or connected instruction. What the +lady wanted more particularly was that I should go through her literary +attempts and correct them, but corrections could not transform them +into art. And so it came about that after no very long time I gave up +these arduous lessons, although obliged to give up my precious riding +lessons at the same time. + +Consequently I never became a really expert rider, although during the +next few years I had a ride now and then. But after a severe attack of +phlebitis following upon typhoid fever, in 1870-71, I was compelled to +give up all the physical exercises that I loved best. + + +III. + +My temperament expressed itself in a profusion of youthful longings, as +well as in my love of athletics. + +During my University studies, in my real budding manhood, I had +voluntarily cut myself away from the usual erotic diversions of youth. +Precocious though I was in purely intellectual development, I was very +backward in erotic experience. In that respect I was many years younger +than my age. + +On my return, my Paris experiences at first exercised me greatly. +Between the young French lady and myself an active correspondence had +sprung up, while the young Spaniard's radiant figure continued to +retain the same place in my thoughts. + +Then my surroundings claimed their rights, and it was not without +emotion that I realised how charming the girls at home were. For I was +only then entering upon the Cherubino stage of my existence, when the +sight of feminine grace or beauty immediately transports a youth into a +mild state of love intoxication. + +It was incredible how rich the world was in bewitching creatures, and +the world of Copenhagen especially. If you walked down Crown Princess +Street, at a window on the ground floor you saw a dark girl with a +Grecian-shaped head and two brown eyes, exquisitely set, beneath a high +and noble forehead. She united the chaste purity of Pallas Athene with +a stern, attractive grace. + +If you went out towards the north side of the town, there was a house +there on the first floor of which you were very welcome, where a +handsome and well-bred couple once a week received young men for the +sake of the lady's young niece. The master of the house was a lean and +silent man, who always looked handsome, and was always dignified; he +had honourably filled an exalted official post. His wife had been very +attractive in her youth, had grown white while still quite young, and +was now a handsome woman with snow-white curls clustering round her +fresh-coloured face. To me she bore, as it were, an invisible mark upon +her forehead, for when quite a young girl she had been loved by a great +man. She was sincerely kind and genuinely pleasant, but the advantage +of knowing her was not great; for that she was too restless a hostess. +When it was her At Home she never remained long enough with one group +of talkers properly to understand what was being discussed. After about +a minute she hurried off to the opposite corner of the drawing-room, +said a few words there, and then passed on to look after the tea. + +It was neither to see her nor her husband that many of the young people +congregated at the house. It was for the sake of the eighteen-year-old +fairy maiden, her niece, whose face was one to haunt a man's dreams. It +was not from her features that the witchery emanated, although in shape +her face was a faultless oval, her narrow forehead high and +well-shaped, her chin powerful. Neither was it from the personality one +obtained a glimpse of through her features. The girl's character and +mental quality seemed much the same as that of other girls; she was +generally silent, or communicative about trifles, and displayed no +other coquetry than the very innocent delight in pleasing which Nature +itself would demand. + +But all the same there was a fascination about her, as about a fairy +maiden. There was a yellow shimmer about her light hair; azure flames +flashed from her blue eyes. These flames drew a magic circle about her, +and the dozen young men who had strayed inside the circle flocked round +her aunt the evening in the week that the family were "at home" and sat +there, vying with each other for a glance from those wondrous eyes, +hating each other with all their hearts, and suffering from the +ridiculousness of yet meeting like brothers, week after week, as guests +in the same house. The young girl's male relatives, who had outgrown +their enthusiasm for her, declared that her character was not good and +reliable--poor child! had she to be all that, too? Others who did not +ask so much were content to enjoy the sound of her voice. + +She was not a Copenhagen girl, only spent a few Winters in the town, +then disappeared again. + +Some years after, it was rumoured, to everybody's astonishment, that +she had married a widower in a provincial town--she who belonged to the +realms of Poesy! + +Then there was another young girl, nineteen. Whereas the fairy maiden +did not put herself out to pretend she troubled her head about the +young men whom she fascinated with the rhythm of her movements or the +radiation of her loveliness, was rather inclined to be short in her +manner, a little staccato in her observations, too accustomed to +admiration to attract worshippers to herself by courting them, too +undeveloped and impersonal to consciously assert herself--this other +girl was of quite another sort. She had no innate irresistibility, but +was a shrewd and adaptable human girl. Her face did not attract by its +beauty, though she was very much more beautiful than ugly, with a +delicately hooked nose, a mouth full of promise, an expression of +thoughtfulness and determination. When she appeared at a ball, men's +eyes lingered on her neck, and even more on her white back, with its +firm, smooth skin, and fine play of the muscles; for if she did not +allow very much of her young bust to be seen, her dress at the back was +cut down nearly to her belt. Her voice was a deep contralto, and she +knew how to assume an expression of profound gravity and reflection. +But she captivated most by her attentiveness. When a young man whom she +wished to attract commenced a conversation with her, she never took her +eyes from his, or rather she gazed into his, and showed such a rapt +attention to his words, such an interest in his thoughts and his +occupations, that after meeting her once he never forgot her again. Her +coquetry did not consist of languishing glances, but of a pretended +sympathy, that flattered and delighted its object. + + +IV. + +These Danish girls were likely to appeal to a young man just returned +from travels abroad, during which his emotions had been doubly stirred, +for the first time, by feminine affection and by enthusiasm for a +woman. They influenced me the more strongly because they were Danish, +and because I, who loved everything Danish, from the language to the +monuments, had, since the war, felt something lacking in everyone, man +or woman, who was foreign to Denmark. + +But in the midst of all these visitations of calf-love, and their +vibrations among undefined sensations, I was pulled back with a jerk, +as it were, to my earlier and deepest impression, that of the +loveliness and exalted person of the young Spaniard. Letters from Paris +furrowed my mind like steamers the waters of a lake, made it foam, and +the waves run high, left long streaks across its wake. Not that Mlle. +Mathilde sent letters to me herself, but her Italian lady and gentlemen +friends wrote for her, apparently in her name, loudly lamenting my +unreasonable departure, wishing and demanding my return, telling me how +she missed me, sometimes how angry she was. + +I was too poor to be able to return at once. I did what I could to +procure money, wrote to those of my friends whom I thought could best +afford it and on whom I relied most, but met with refusals, which made +me think of the messages Timon of Athens received in response to +similar requests. Then I staked in the lottery and did not win. + +Urged from France to return, and under the high pressure of my own +romantic imagination, it seemed clear to me all at once that I ought to +unite my lot for good to that of this rare and beautiful woman, whom, +it is true, I had never spoken to one minute alone, who, moreover, had +scarcely anything in common with me, but who, just by the dissimilarity +of her having been born of Spanish parents in Rio, and I of a Danish +father and mother in Copenhagen, seemed destined by Fate for me, as I +for her. The Palm and the Fir-tree had dreamed of one another, and +could never meet; but men and women could, however far apart they might +have been born. In the middle of the Summer of 1867 I was as though +possessed by the thought that she and I ought to be united. + +The simplest objection of all, namely, that I, who was scarcely able to +support myself, could not possibly support a wife, seemed to me +altogether subordinate. My motives were purely chivalric; I could not +leave her in the lurch, as the miserable hero of Andersen's _Only a +Player_ did Noomi. And a vision of her compelling loveliness hovered +before my eyes. + +The whole of the month of July and part of the month of August I was on +the rack, now passionately desiring a successful issue of my plans, now +hoping just as ardently that they would be stranded through the +opposition of the foreign family; for I was compelled to admit to +myself that the beautiful Spaniard would be very unsuited to +Copenhagen, would freeze there, mentally as well as literally. And I +said to myself every day that supposing the war expected in Denmark +were to break out again, and the young men were summoned to arms, the +most insignificant little Danish girl would make me a better Valkyrie; +all my feelings would be foreign to her, and possibly she would not +even be able to learn Danish. Any other woman would understand more of +my mind than she. And yet! Yet she was the only one for me. + +Thus I was swayed by opposing wishes the whole of the long time during +which the matter was pending and uncertain. I was so exhausted by +suspense that I only kept up by taking cold baths twice a day and by +brisk rides. The mere sight of a postman made my heart beat fast. The +scorn heaped upon me in the Danish newspapers had a curious effect upon +me under these circumstances; it seemed to me to be strangely far away, +like blows at a person who is somewhere else. + +I pondered all day on the painful dilemma in which I was placed; I +dreamt of my Dulcinea every night, and began to look as exhausted as I +felt. One day that I went to Fredensborg, in response to an invitation +from Frederik Paludan-Müller, the poet said to me: "Have you been ill +lately? You look so pale and shaken." I pretended not to care; whatever +I said or did in company was incessant acting. + +I experienced revulsions of feeling similar to those that troubled Don +Quixote. Now I saw in my distant Spanish maiden the epitome of +perfection, now the picture melted away altogether; even my affection +for her then seemed small, artificial, whimsical, half-forgotten. And +then again she represented supreme happiness. + +When the decision came, when,--as everyone with the least experience of +the world could have foretold,--all the beautiful dreams and audacious +plans collapsed suddenly, I felt as though this long crisis had thrown +me back indescribably; my intellectual development had been at a +standstill for months. It was such a feeling as when the death of some +loved person puts an end to the long, tormenting anxiety of the +foregoing illness. I, who had centred everything round one thought, +must now start joylessly along new paths. My outburst,--which +astonished myself,--was: + +"How I wanted a heart!" + + +V. + +I could not at once feel it a relief that my fancies had all been +dissipated into thin air. Physically I was much broken down, but, with +my natural elasticity, quickly recovered. Yet in my relations towards +the other sex I was torn as I had never been before. My soul, or more +exactly, that part of my psychical life bordering on the other sex, was +like a deep, unploughed field, waiting for seed. + +It was not much more than a month before the field was sown. Amongst my +Danish acquaintances there was only one, a young and very beautiful +widow, upon whom, placed as I was with regard to Mile. Mathilde, I had +definitely counted. I should have taken the young Spaniard to her; she +alone would have understood her--they would have been friends. + +There had for a long time been warm feelings of sympathy between her +and me. It so chanced that she drew much closer to me immediately after +the decisive word had been spoken. She became, consequently, the only +one to whom I touched upon the wild fancies to which I had given myself +up, and confided the dreams with which I had wasted my time. She +listened to me sympathetically, no little amazed at my being so devoid +of practical common sense. She stood with both feet on the earth; but +she had one capacity that I had not met with before in any young +woman--the capacity for enthusiasm. She had dark eyes, with something +melancholy in their depths; but when she spoke of anything that roused +her enthusiasm, her eyes shone like stars. + +She pointed out how preposterous it was in me to wish to seek so far +away a happiness that perhaps was very close to me, and how even more +preposterous to neglect, as I had done, my studies and intellectual +aims for a fantastic love. And for the first time in my life, a young +woman spoke to me of my abilities and of the impression she had +received of them, partly through the reading of the trifles that I had +had printed, partly, and more particularly, through her long talks with +me. Neither the little French girl nor the young Spanish lady had ever +spoken to me of myself, my talents, or my future; this Danish woman +declared that she knew me through and through. And the new thing about +it all, the thing hitherto unparalleled in my experience, was that she +believed in me. More than that: she had the highest possible conception +of my abilities, asserted in contradiction to my own opinion, that I +was already a man of unusual mark, and was ardently ambitious for me. + +Just at this moment, when so profoundly disheartened, and when in idle +hopes and plans I had lost sight of my higher goal, by her firm belief +in me she imparted to me augmented self-respect. Her confidence in me +gave me increasing confidence in myself, and a vehement gratitude awoke +in me for the good she thus did me. + +Then it happened that one day, without preamble, she admitted that the +interest she felt in me was not merely an intellectual one; things had +now gone so far that she could think of nothing but me. + +My whole nature was shaken to its foundations. Up to this time I had +only regarded her as my friend and comforter, had neither felt nor +fought against any personal attraction. But she had scarcely spoken, +before she was transformed in my eyes. The affection I had thirsted for +was offered to me here. The heart I had felt the need of was this +heart. And it was not only a heart that was offered me, but a passion +that scorned scruples. + +In my austere youth hitherto, I had not really had erotic experiences +whatever. I had led the chaste life of the intellectual worker. My +thoughts had been the thoughts of a man; they had ascended high and had +delved deep, but my love affairs had been the enthusiasms and fancies +of a half-grown boy, chimeras and dreams. This young woman was my first +living erotic reality. + +And suddenly, floodgates seemed to open within me. Streams of lava, +streams of molten fire, rushed out over my soul. I loved for the first +time like a man. + +The next few days I went about as if lifted above the earth; in the +theatre, in the evening, I could not follow the performance, but sat in +the pit with my face in my hands, full of my new destiny, as though my +heart would burst. + +And yet it was more a physical state, an almost mechanical outcome of +what to me was overwhelmingly new, association with a woman. It was not +because it was just this particular woman. For my emotional nature was +so composite that even in the first moment of my bliss I did not regard +this bliss as unmixed. From the very first hour, I felt a gnawing +regret that it was not I who had desired her, but she who had chosen +me, so that my love in my heart of hearts was only a reflection of hers. + + +VI. + +About this time it so happened that another woman began to engage my +thoughts, but in an altogether different manner. Circumstances resulted +in my being taken into the secret of unhappy and disturbing domestic +relations in a well-to-do house to which I was frequently invited, and +where to all outward seeming all the necessary conditions of domestic +happiness were present. + +The master of the house had in his younger days been a very handsome +man, lazy, not clever, and of an exceedingly passionate temper. He was +the son of a man rich, worthy and able, but of a very weak character, +and of a kept woman who had been the mistress of a royal personage. +Through no fault of his own, he had inherited his mother's professional +vices, persistent untruthfulness, a comedian's manner, prodigality, a +love of finery and display. He was quite without intellectual +interests, but had a distinguished bearing, a winning manner, and no +gross vices. + +His wife, who, for family reasons, had been married to him much too +young, had never loved him, and never been suited to him. As an +innocent, ignorant girl, she had been placed in the arms of a man who +was much the worse for a reckless life, and suffering from an illness +that necessitated nursing, and made him repulsive to her. Every day +that passed she suffered more from being bound to a man whose slightest +movement was objectionable to her and whose every remark a torture. In +the second decade of her marriage the keenest marital repulsion had +developed in her; this was so strong that she sometimes had to pull +herself together in order, despite her maternal feelings, not to +transfer her dislike to the children, who were likewise his, and in +whom she dreaded to encounter his characteristics. + +Towards her, the man was despotic and cunning, but not unkind, and in +so far excusable that, let him have done what he might, she could not +have got rid of the hatred that plagued him and consumed her. So +dissimilar were their two natures. + +Her whole aim and aspiration was to get the bond that united them +dissolved. But this he would not hear of, for many reasons, and more +especially from dislike of scandal. He regarded himself, and according +to the usual conception of the words, justly so, as a good husband and +father. He asked for no impossible sacrifice from his wife, and he was +affectionate to his children. He could not help her detesting him, and +indeed, did not fully realise that she did. And yet, it was difficult +for him to misunderstand. For his wife scarcely restrained her aversion +even when there were guests in the house. If he told an untruth, she +kept silence with her lips, but scarcely with her expression. And she +would sometimes talk of the faults and vices that she most abhorred, +and then name his. + +The incessant agitation in which she lived had made her nervous and +restless to excess. As the feminine craving to be able, in marriage, to +look up to the man, had never been satisfied, she only enacted the more +vehemently veracity, firmness and intellect in men. But undeveloped as +she was, and in despair over the dissatisfaction, the drowsiness, and +the darkness in which her days glided away, whatever invaded the +stagnation and lighted up the darkness: sparkle, liveliness, brilliance +and wit, were estimated by her more highly than they deserved to be. + +At first when, in the desolation of her life, she made advances to me, +this repelled me somewhat. The equestrian performer in Heiberg's Madame +Voltisubito cannot sing unless she hears the crack of a whip. Thus it +seemed to me that her nature could not sing, save to the accompaniment +of all the cart, carriage and riding whips of the mind. But I saw how +unhappy she was, and that the intense strain of her manner was only an +expression of it. + +She could not know the beauty of inward peace, and in spite of her +Protestant upbringing she had retained all the unaffectedness and +sincerity of the natural human being, all the obstinate love of +freedom, unmoved in the least by what men call discipline, ethics, +Christianity, convention. She did not believe in it all, she had seen +what it resulted in, and what it covered up, and she passed her life in +unmitigated despair, which was ordinarily calm to all appearance, but +in reality rebellious: what she was enduring was the attempted murder +of her soul. + +To all that she suffered purely mentally from her life with her husband +in the home that was no home at all, there had of late been added +circumstances which likewise from a practical point of view made +interference and alteration necessary. Her lord and master had always +been a bad manager, in fact worse than that; in important matters, +thoroughly incapable and fatuous. That had not mattered much hitherto, +since others had looked after his affairs; but now the control of them +had fallen entirely into his own hands, and he managed them in such a +way that expenses increased at a terrific rate, while his income +diminished with equal rapidity, and the question of total ruin only +seemed a matter of time. + +His wife had no outside support. She was an orphan and friendless. Her +husband's relations did not like her and did not understand her. And +yet just at this time she required as a friend a man who understood her +and could help her to save her own and the children's fortunes from the +shipwreck, before it was too late. She felt great confidence in me, +whom she had met, at intervals, from my boyhood, and she now opened her +heart to me in conversation more and more. She confided in me fully, +gave me a complete insight into the torture of her life, and implored +me to help her to acquire her freedom. + +Thus it was that while still quite a young man a powerful, +never-to-be-effaced impression of the miseries of modern coercive +marriage was produced upon me. The impression was not merely powerful, +but it waked, like a cry of distress, both my thinking powers and my +energy. As through a chink in the smooth surface of society, I looked +down into the depths of horror. Behind the unhappiness of one, I +suspected that of a hundred thousand, knew that of a hundred thousand. +And I felt myself vehemently called upon, not only to name the horror +by its name, but to step in, as far as I was able, and prevent the +thing spreading unheeded. + +Scales had fallen from my eyes. Under the semblance of affection and +peace, couples were lacerating one another by the thousand, swallowed +up by hatred and mutual aversion. The glitter of happiness among those +higher placed dazzled the thoughtless and the credulous. He who had +eyes to see, observed how the wretchedness due to the arrangement of +society, wound itself right up to its pinnacles. + +The vices and paltrinesses of the individual could not be directly +remedied; inherited maladies and those brought upon one's self, +stupidity and folly, brutality and malice, undeniably existed. But the +institutions of society ought to be so planned as to render these +destructive forces inoperative, or at least diminish their harmfulness, +not so as to give them free scope and augment their terrors by securing +them victims. + +In marriage, the position of the one bound against his or her will was +undignified, often desperate, but worst in the case of a woman. As a +mother she could be wounded in her most vulnerable spot, and what was +most outrageous of all, she could be made a mother against her will. +One single unhappy marriage had shown me, like a sudden revelation, +what marriage in countless cases is, and how far from free the position +of woman still was. + +But that woman should be oppressed in modern society, that the one-half +of the human race could be legally deprived of their rights, revealed +that justice in society, as it at present stood, was in a sorry state. +In the relations between the strong and the weak, the rich and the +poor, the same legalised disproportion would necessarily prevail as +between man and woman. + +My thought pierced down into the state of society that obtained and was +praised so highly, and with ever less surprise and ever greater +disquiet, found hollowness everywhere. And this called my will to +battle, armed it for the fight. + + +VII. + +From this time forth I began to ponder quite as much over Life as over +Art, and to submit to criticism the conditions of existence in the same +way as I had formerly done with Faith and Law. + +In matters concerning Life, as in things concerning Art, I was not a +predetermined Radical. There was a great deal of piety in my nature and +I was of a collecting, retentive disposition. Only gradually, and step +by step, was I led by my impressions, the incidents I encountered, and +my development, to break with many a tradition to which I had clung to +the last extremity. + +It was in the spirit of the Aesthetics of the time, that, after having +been engaged upon the Tragic Idea, I plunged into researches on the +Comic, and by degrees, as the material ordered itself for me, I tried +to write a doctor's thesis upon it, Abstract researches were regarded +as much more valuable than historic investigation. In comic literature +Aristophanes in particular delighted me, and I was thinking of letting +my general definitions merge into a description of the greatness of the +Greek comedian; but as the thread broke for me, I did not get farther +than the theory of the Comic in general. It was not, like my previous +treatise on the Tragic, treated under three headings, according to the +Hegelian model, but written straight ahead, without any subdivision +into sections. + +Whilst working at this paper I was, of course, obliged constantly to +consult the national comedies and lighter plays, till I knew them from +cover to cover. Consequently, when Gotfred Rode, the poet, who was +connected with a well-known educational establishment for girls, asked +me whether I would care to give a course of public lectures for ladies, +I chose as my subject _The Danish Comedy_. The lectures were attended +in force. The subject was supremely innocent, and it was treated in +quite a conservative manner. At that time I cherished a sincere +admiration, with only slight reservations, for Heiberg, Hertz, Hostrup +and many others as comic playwriters, and was not far short of +attributing to their works an importance equal to those of Holberg. And +yet I was unable to avoid giving offence. I had, it appears, about +Heiberg's _Klister and Malle_, an inseparable betrothed couple, used +what was, for that matter, an undoubtedly Kierkegaardian expression, +viz., _to beslobber a relation_. This expression was repeated +indignantly to the Headmistress, and the thoughtless lecturer was +requested to call upon the Principal of the college. When, after a long +wait, and little suspecting what was going to be said to me, I was +received in audience, it appeared that I had been summoned to receive a +polite but decided admonition against wounding the susceptibilities of +my listeners by expressions which were not "good form," and when I, +unconscious of wrongdoing, asked which expression she alluded to, the +unfortunate word "beslobber" was alleged; my young hearers were not +"'Arriets" for whom such expressions might be fitting. + +I was not asked again to give lectures for young ladies. + + +VIII. + +Hitherto, when I had appeared before the reading public, it had only +been as the author of shorter or longer contributions to the +philosophical discussion of the relations between Science and Faith; +when these had been accepted by a daily paper it had been as its +heaviest ballast. I had never yet written anything that the ordinary +reader could follow with pleasure, and I had likewise been obliged to +make use of a large number of abstruse philosophical words. + +The proprietors of the _Illustrated Times_ offered me the reviewing of +the performances at the Royal Theatre in their paper, which had not +hitherto printed dramatic criticisms. I accepted the offer, because it +afforded me a wished-for opportunity of further shaking off the dust of +the schools. I could thus have practice with my pen, and get into touch +with a section of the reading public who, without caring for +philosophy, nevertheless had intellectual interests; and these articles +were in reality a vent for what I had at heart about this time touching +matters human and artistic. They were written in a more colloquial +style than anything I had written before, or than it was usual to write +in Denmark at that time, and they alternated sometimes with longer +essays, such as those on Andersen and Goldschmidt. + +Regarded merely as dramatic criticisms, they were of little value. The +Royal Theatre, the period of whose zenith was nearly at an end, I cared +little for, and I was personally acquainted with next to none of the +actors, only meeting, at most, Phister and Adolf Rosenkilde and of +ladies, Södring in society. + +I found it altogether impossible to brandish my cane over the +individual actor in his individual part. But the form of it was merely +a pretext. I wanted to show myself as I was, speak out about dramatic +and other literature, reveal how I felt, show what I thought about all +the conditions of life represented or touched upon on the stage. + +My articles were read with so much interest that the editors of the +_Illustrated Times_ raised the writer's scale of remuneration to 10 Kr. +a column (about 11_s_. 3_d_.), which at that time was very respectable +pay. Unfortunately, however, I soon saw that even at that, if I wrote +in the paper all the year round, I could not bring up my yearly income +from this source to more than 320 kroner of our money, about I7_l_. +12_s_. 6_d_. in English money; so that, without a University bursary, I +should have come badly off, and even with it was not rolling in riches. + +The first collection of my articles, which I published in 1868 under +the title of _Studies in Aesthetics_, augmented my income a little, it +is true, but for that, as for the next collection, _Criticisms and +Portraits_, I only received 20 kroner (22_s_. 6_d_.) per sheet of +sixteen pages. Very careful management was necessary. + + +IX. + +With the first money I received for my books, I went in the middle of +the Summer of 1868 for a trip to Germany. I acquired some idea of +Berlin, which was then still only the capital of Prussia, and in +population corresponded to the Copenhagen of our day; I spent a few +weeks in Dresden, where I felt very much at home, delighted in the +exquisite art collection and derived no small pleasure from the +theatre, at that time an excellent one. I saw Prague for the first +time, worshipped Rubens in Munich, and, with him specially in my mind, +tried to realise how the greatest painters had regarded Life. +Switzerland added to my store of impressions with grand natural +spectacles. I saw the Alps, and a thunderstorm in the Alps, passed +starlit nights on the Swiss lakes, traced the courses of foaming +mountain streams such as the Tamina at Pfäffers, ascended the Rigi at a +silly forced march, and from the Kulm saw a procession of clouds that +gripped my fancy like the procession of the Vanir in Northern +mythology. Many years afterwards I described it in the Fourth volume of +_Main Currents_. From Interlaken I gazed on the whiteness of the +Jungfrau, but scarcely with greater emotion than once upon a time when +I had gazed at the white cliffs of Möen. On my homeward journey I saw +Heidelberg's lovely ruins, to which Charles V.'s castle, near the +Al-hambra, makes a marvellous pendant, Strassburg's grave Cathedral, +and Goethe's house at Frankfurt. + +My travels were not long, but were extraordinarily instructive. I made +acquaintance with people from the most widely different countries, with +youthful frankness engaged in conversation with Germans and Frenchmen, +Englishmen and Americans, Poles and Russians, Dutchmen, Belgians and +Swiss, met them as travelling companions, and listened attentively to +what they narrated. They were, moreover, marvellously frank towards the +young man who, with the curiosity of his age, plied them with questions. + +Young Dutchmen, studying music in Dresden, gave me some idea of the +ill-will felt in their country towards the Prussians, an ill-will not +unmingled with contempt. On the other hand, I was astonished, during a +half day's excursion on foot with a few Leipzig students, to learn how +strong was the feeling of the unity of Germany and of the necessity of +the supremacy of Prussia, even in the states which in the 1866 war had +been on the side of Austria. The students felt no grief over having +been defeated, the victors were Germans too; everything was all right +so long as the German Empire became one. These and similar +conversations, which finally brought me to the conclusion that the +whole of the bourgeoisie was satisfied with the dominance of Prussia, +had for result that in 1870 I did not for a moment share the opinion of +the Danes and the French, that the defeated German states would enter +into an alliance with France against Prussia. + +English undergraduates told me what philosophical and historical works +were being most read in the universities of Great Britain; Bohemian +students explained to me that in the German philosophical world Kant +had quite outshone Hegel and put him in the background. + +The lady members of an American family from Boston treated me quite +maternally; the wife suggested almost at once, in the railway-carriage, +that I should give her when we reached the hotel whatever linen or +clothes I had that wanted repairs; she would be very pleased to mend +them for me. The husband, who was very pious and good-natured, had all +his pockets full of little hymn-books and in his memorandum book a +quantity of newspaper cuttings of devotional verse, which he now and +then read aloud enthusiastically. + +But I also met with Americans of quite a different cast. A young +student from Harvard University, who, for that matter, was not in love +with the Germans and declared that the United States could with +difficulty absorb and digest those who were settled there, surprised me +with his view that in the future Bismarck would come to be regarded as +no less a figure than Cavour. The admiration of contemporary educated +thought was then centred around Cavour, whereas Bismarck had hitherto +only encountered passionate aversion outside Germany, and even in +Germany was the object of much hatred. This student roused me into +thinking about Bismarck for myself. + +Having lain down, all bathed in perspiration, during the ascent without +a guide of a mountain in Switzerland, I was accosted by a woman, who +feared I had come to some harm. I walked on up with her. She turned out +to be a young peasant woman from Normandy, who lived half-way up the +mountain. She had accompanied her husband to Switzerland, but cursed +her lot, and was always longing to be back in France. When I remarked +that it must be some consolation to live in so lovely a place, she +interrupted me with the most violent protests. A beautiful place! This! +The steep mountain, the bristly fir-trees and pine-trees, the snow on +the top and the lake deep down below--anything uglier it would be hard +to conceive. No fields, no pasture-land, no apple-trees! No indeed! If +she had to mention a country that really was beautiful, it was +Normandy. There was plenty of food for all there, you did not need to +go either up or down hill; there, thank God, it was flat. Did I think +stones beautiful, perhaps? She had not been down in the valley for five +months, and higher than her house she had never been and would never +go; no, thank you, not she! She let her husband fetch what they +required for the house; she herself sat and fretted all through the +Winter; life then was almost more than she could bear. + +On one of the steamers on the Lake of Lucerne, I caught, for the first +time, a glimpse of Berthold Auerbach, who was very much admired by my +comrades in Copenhagen and by myself. + +At the hotel table at Lucerne I made the acquaintance of a Dutch +captain from Batavia, an acquaintance productive of much pleasure to +me. Before the soup was brought round I had pulled out a letter I had +just received, opened it and begun to read it. A voice by my side said +in French: + +"Happy man! You are reading a letter in a woman's writing!" With that +our acquaintance was made. + +The captain was a man of forty, who in the course of an active life had +had many and varied experiences and met with prosperity, but was +suffering from a feeling of great void. His society was exceedingly +attractive to me, and he related to me the main events of his life; but +after one day's association only, we were obliged to part. All through +my trip I had a curious feeling of every farewell on the journey being +in all human probability a farewell for life, but had not realised it +painfully before. But when next day the brave captain, whose home was +far away in another quarter of the globe, held his hand out to say +good-bye, I was much affected. "Till we meet again" said the captain. + +"And where?" + +"Till we meet again all and everywhere, for we live an eternal life; +till we meet again in time and space, or outside time and space!" + +I reflected sadly that I should never again see this man, who, the last +twenty-four hours had shown me, was in extraordinary sympathy and +agreement with me. + +Separated from those dearest to me, the whole of the journey, for that +matter, was a sort of self-torment to me, even though a profitable one. +Like every other traveller, I had many a lonely hour, and plenty of +time to ponder over my position and vocation in life. I summed up my +impressions in the sentence: "The Powers have designated me the +champion of great ideas against great talents, unfortunately greater +than I." + + +X. + +There was only one distinguished person outside my circle of +acquaintance to whom I wished to bring my first descriptive book, as a +mark of homage, Johanne Louise Heiberg, the actress. I had admired her +on the stage, even if not to the same extent as Michael Wiehe; but to +me she was the representative of the great time that would soon sink +into the grave. In addition, I ventured to hope that she, being a +friend of Frederik Paludan-Müller, Magdalene Thoresen and others who +wished me well, would be at any rate somewhat friendly inclined towards +me. A few years before, it had been rumoured in Copenhagen after the +publication of my little polemical pamphlet against Nielsen, that at a +dinner at the Heiberg's there had been a good deal of talk about me; +even Bishop Martensen had expressed himself favourably, and it also +attracted attention that a short time afterwards, in a note to his book +_On Knowledge and Faith_, he mentioned me not unapprovingly, and +contented himself with a reminder to me not to feel myself too soon +beyond being surprised. When the Bishop of Zealand, one of the +actress's most faithful adherents, had publicly spoken thus mildly of +the youthful heretic, there was some hope that the lady herself would +be free from prejudice. My friends also eagerly encouraged me to +venture upon a visit to her home. + +I was admitted and asked to wait in a room through the glass doors of +which I was attentively observed for some time by the lady's adopted +children. Then she came in, in indoor dress, with a stocking in her +hand, at which she uninterruptedly continued to knit during the +following conversation: She said: "Well! So you have collected your +articles." I was simple enough to reply--as if that made any difference +to the lady--that the greater part of the book had not been printed +before. She turned the conversation upon Björnson's _Fisher Girl_, +which had just been published, and which had been reviewed by _The +Fatherland_ the evening before, declaring that she disagreed altogether +with the reviewer, who had admired in the _Fisher Girl_ a psychological +study of a scenic genius. "It is altogether a mistake," said Mrs. +Heiberg, absorbed in counting her stitches, "altogether a mistake that +genius is marked by restlessness, refractoriness, an irregular life, or +the like. That is all antiquated superstition. True genius has no +connection whatever with excesses and caprices, in fact, is impossible +without the strict fulfilment of one's duty. (Knitting furiously.) +Genius is simple, straightforward, domesticated, industrious." + +When we began to speak of mutual acquaintances, amongst others, +Magdalene Thoresen, feeling very uncomfortable in the presence of the +lady, I blurted out most tactlessly that I was sure that lady was much +interested in me. It was a mere nothing, but at the moment sounded like +conceit and boasting. I realised it the moment the words were out of my +mouth, and instinctively felt that I had definitely displeased her. But +the conversational material was used up and I withdrew. I never saw +Johanne Louise Heiberg again; henceforth she thought anything but well +of me. + + +XI. + +Magdalene Thoresen was spending that year in Copenhagen, and our +connection, which had been kept up by correspondence, brought with it a +lively mutual interchange of thoughts and impressions. Our natures, it +is true, were as much unlike as it was possible for them to be; but +Magdalene Thoresen's wealth of moods and the overflowing warmth of her +heart, the vivacity of her disposition, the tenderness that filled her +soul, and the incessant artistic exertion, which her exhausted body +could not stand, all this roused in me a sympathy that the mistiness of +her reasoning, and the over-excitement of her intellectual life, could +not diminish. Besides which, especially when she was away from +Copenhagen, but when she was there, too, she needed a literary +assistant who could look through her MSS. and negotiate over them with +the publishers of anthologies, year-books, and weekly papers, and for +this purpose she not infrequently seized upon me, innocently convinced, +like everybody else for that matter, that she was the only person who +made a similar demand upon me. + +Still, it was rather trying that, when my verdict on her work did not +happen to be what she wished, she saw in what I said an unkindness, for +which she alleged reasons that had nothing whatever to do with Art. + +Magdalene Thoresen could not be otherwise than fond of Rasmus Nielsen; +they were both lively, easily enraptured souls, who breathed most +freely in the fog. That, however, did not come between her and me, whom +she often thought in the right. With regard to my newspaper activity, +she merely urged the stereotyped but pertinent opinion, that I ought +not to write so many small things; my nature could not stand this +wasting, drop by drop. + +I had myself felt for a long time that I ought to concentrate my forces +on larger undertakings. + + +XII. + +There were not many of the upper middle class houses in Copenhagen at +that time, the hospitality of which a young man with intellectual +interests derived any advantage from accepting. One of these houses, +which was opened to me, and with which I was henceforward associated, +was that of Chief Physician Rudolph Bergh. His was the home of +intellectual freedom. + +The master of the house was not only a prominent scientist and savant, +but, at a time when all kinds of prejudices ruled unassailed, a man who +had retained the uncompromising radicalism of the first half of the +century. The spirit of Knowledge was the Holy Spirit to him; the +profession of doctor had placed him in the service of humanity, and to +firmness of character he united pure philanthropy. The most despised +outcasts of society met with the same consideration and the same +kindness from him as its favoured ones. + +His wife was well calculated, by her charm of manner, to be the centre +of the numerous circle of talented men who, both from Denmark and +abroad, frequented the house. There one met all the foreign natural +scientists who came to Copenhagen, all the esteemed personalities +Denmark had at the time, who might be considered as belonging to the +freer trend of thought, and many neutrals. Actors such as Höedt and +Phister went there, favourite narrators such as Bergsöe, painters like +Kröyer, distinguished scientists like J.C. Schiödte, the entomologist. +This last was an independent and intellectual man, somewhat touchy, and +domineering in his manner, a master of his subject, a man of learning, +besides, ceremonious, often cordial, ready to listen to anything worth +hearing that was said. He had weaknesses, never would admit that he had +made a mistake, and was even very unwilling to own he had not read a +book that was being spoken of. Besides which, he had spent too great a +part of his life in virulent polemics to be devoid of the narrowing of +the horizon which is the concomitant of always watching and being ready +to attack the same opponent. But he was in the grand style, which is +rare in Denmark, as elsewhere. + + +XIII. + +The house of the sisters Spang was a pleasant one to go to; they were +two unmarried ladies who kept an excellent girls' school, at which +Julius Lange taught drawing. Benny Spang, not a beautiful, but a +brilliant girl, with exceptional brains, daughter of the well-known +Pastor Spang, a friend of Sören Kierkegaard, adopted a tone of +good-fellowship towards me that completely won my affection. She was +cheerful, witty, sincere and considerate. Not long after we became +acquainted she married a somewhat older man than herself, the gentle +and refined landscape painter, Gotfred Rump. The latter made a very +good sketch of me. + +The poet Paludan-Müller and the Lange family visited at the house; so +did the two young and marvellously beautiful girls, Alma Trepka and +Clara Rothe, the former of whom was married later to Carl Bloch the +painter, the other to her uncle, Mr. Falbe, the Danish Minister in +London. + +It was hard to say which of the two was the more beautiful. Both were +unusually lovely. Alma Trepka was queenly, her movements sedate, her +disposition calm and unclouded--Carl Bloch could paint a Madonna, or +even a Christ, from her face without making any essential alteration in +the oval of its contours. Clara Rothe's beauty was that of the white +hart in the legend; her eyes like a deer's, large and shy, timid, and +unself-conscious, her movements rapid, but so graceful that one was +fascinated by the harmony of them. + + +XIV. + +Just about this time a foreign element entered the circle of Copenhagen +students to which I belonged. One day there came into my room a youth +with a nut-brown face, short and compactly built, who after only a few +weeks' stay in Copenhagen could speak Danish quite tolerably. He was a +young Armenian, who had seen a great deal of the world and was of very +mixed race. His father had married, at Ispahan, a lady of Dutch-German +origin. Up to his seventh year he had lived in Batavia. When the family +afterwards moved to Europe, he was placed at school in Geneva. He had +there been brought up, in French, to trade, but as he revealed an +extraordinary talent for languages, was sent, for a year or eighteen +months at a time, to the four German universities of Halle, Erlangen, +Göttingen and Leipzig. Now, at the age of 22, he had come to Copenhagen +to copy Palahvi and Sanscrit manuscripts that Rask and Westergaard had +brought to Europe. He knew a great many languages, and was moreover +very many-sided in his acquirements, sang German student songs +charmingly, was introduced and invited everywhere, and with his foreign +appearance and quick intelligence was a great success. He introduced +new points of view, was full of information, and brought with him a +breath from the great world outside. Industrious though he had been +before, Copenhagen social life tempted him to idleness. His means came +to an end; he said that the annual income he was in the habit of +receiving by ship from India had this year, for some inexplicable +reason, failed to arrive, dragged out a miserable existence for some +time under great difficulties, starved, borrowed small sums, and +disappeared as suddenly as he had come. + + +XV. + +Knowing this Armenian made me realise how restricted my own learning +was, and what a very general field of knowledge I had chosen. + +I wrote my newspaper articles and my essays, and I worked at my +doctor's thesis on French Aesthetics, which cost me no little pains; it +was my first attempt to construct a consecutive book, and it was only +by a vigorous effort that I completed it at the end of 1869. But I had +then been casting over in my mind for some years thoughts to which I +never was able to give a final form, thoughts about the position of +women in society, which would not let me rest. + +A woman whose thought fired mine even further just about this time, a +large-minded woman, who studied society with an uncompromising +directness that was scarcely to be met with in any man of the time in +Denmark, was the wife of the poet Carsten Hauch. When she spoke of +Danish women, the stage of their development and their position in law, +their apathy and the contemptibleness of the men, whether these latter +were despots, pedants, or self-sufficient Christians, she made me a +sharer of her point of view; our hearts glowed with the same flame. + +Rinna Hauch was not, like certain old ladies of her circle, a "woman's +movement" woman before the name was invented. She taught no doctrine, +but she glowed with ardour for the cause of freedom and justice. She +saw through the weak, petty men and women of her acquaintance and +despised them. She too passionately desired a thorough revolution in +modern society to be able to feel satisfied merely by an amelioration +of the circumstances of women of the middle classes; and yet it was the +condition of women, especially in the classes she knew well, that she +thought most about. + +She began to place some credence in me and cherished a hope that I +should do my utmost to stir up the stagnation at home, and during the +long conversations we had together, when, in the course of these +Summers, I now and again spent a week at a time with the Hauchs at +Hellebaek, she enflamed me with her ardour. + +In September, 1868, after wandering with my old friend up and down the +shore, under the pure, starlit heaven, and at last finding myself late +at night in my room, I was unable to go to rest. All that had been +talked of and discussed in the course of the day made my head hot and +urged me to reflection and action. Often I seized a piece of paper and +scribbled off, disconnectedly, in pencil, remarks corresponding to the +internal agitation of my mind, jottings like the following, for example: + + S.R., that restive fanatic, has a wife who cannot believe, and wishes + for nothing but to be left in peace on religious matters. He _forces + her_ to go to Communion, though he knows the words of Scripture, that + he who partakes unworthily eats and drinks to his own damnation. + + There is not one sound, healthy sentiment in the whole of our religious + state of being. You frequently hear it said: "Everyone can't be a + hypocrite." True enough. But begin, in the middle classes, to deduct + hypocrisy, and gross affectation and cowardly dread of Hell, and see + what is left! + + If we have young people worthy the name, I will tell them the truth; but + this band of backboneless creatures blocks up the view. + + Women whom Life has enlightened and whom it has disappointed! You I can + help. + + I see two lovers hand in hand, kissing the tears away from each other's + eyes. + + I can only rouse the wakeful. Nothing can be done with those who are + incapable of feeling noble indignation. + + I have known two women prefer death to the infamy of conjugal life. + + Open the newspapers!--hardly a line that is not a lie. + + And poets and speakers flatter a people like that. + + Christianity and Humanity have long wished for divorce. Now this is an + accomplished fact. + + And the priests are honoured. They plume themselves on not having + certain vices, for which they are too weak. + + I know that I shall be stoned, that every boy has his balderdash ready + against that to which the reflection of years and sleepless nights has + given birth. But do you think I am afraid of anyone? + + Stupidity was always the bodyguard of Lies. + + A people who have put up with the Oldenborgs for four hundred years and + made loyalty to them into a virtue! + + They do not even understand that here there is no Antichrist but Common + Sense. + + Abandoned by all, except Unhappiness and me. + + When did God become Man? When Nature reached the point in its + development at which the first man made his appearance; when Nature + became man, then God did. + + Women say of the beloved one: "A bouquet he brings smells better than + one another brings." + + You are weak, dear one, God help you! And you help! and I help! + + These thoughts have wrought a man of me, have finally wrought me to a + man. + +I procured all that was accessible to me in modern French and English +literature on the woman subject. + +In the year 1869 my thoughts on the subordinate position of women in +society began to assume shape, and I attempted a connected record of +them. I adopted as my starting point Sören Kierkegaard's altogether +antiquated conception of woman and contested it at every point. But all +that I had planned and drawn up was cast aside when in 1869 John Stuart +Mill's book on the subject fell into my hands. I felt Mill's +superiority to be so immense and regarded his book as so epoch-making +that I necessarily had to reject my own draft and restrict myself to +the translation and introduction of what he had said. In November, +1869, I published Mill's book in Danish and in this manner introduced +the modern woman's movement into Denmark. + +The translation was of this advantage to me that it brought me first +into epistolary communication, and later into personal contact with one +of the greatest men of the time. + + +XVI. + +There was one of the political figures of the time whom I often met +during these years. This was the man most beloved of the previous +generation, whose star had certainly declined since the war, but whose +name was still one to conjure with, Orla Lehmann. + +I had made his acquaintance when I was little more than a boy, in a +very curious way. + +In the year 1865 I had given a few lectures in C.N. David's house, on +Runeberg, whom I had glorified exceedingly, and as the David and +Lehmann houses, despite the political differences between them, were +closely related one to the other, and intimately connected, Orla +Lehmann had heard these lectures very warmly spoken of. At that time he +had just founded a People's Society as a counterpoise to the supremely +conservative Society of August, and, looking out for lecturers for it, +hit upon the twenty-three-year-old speaker as upon a possibility. + +I was then living in a little cupboard of a room on the third floor in +Crystal Street, and over my room was one, in the attic, inhabited by my +seventeen-year-old brother, who had not yet matriculated. + +Orla Lehmann, who had been told that the person he was seeking lived +high up, rapidly mounted the four storeys, and knocked, a little out of +breath, at the schoolboy's door. When the door opened, he walked in, +and said, still standing: + +"You are Brandes? I am Lehmann." Without heeding the surprise he read +in the young fellow's face, he went on: + +"I have come to ask you to give a lecture to the People's Society in +the Casino's big room." + +As the addressee looked about to speak, he continued, drowning every +objection, "I know what you are going to say. That you are too young. +Youth is written in your face. But there is no question of seniority +here. I am accustomed to accomplish what I determine upon, and I shall +take no notice of objections. I know that you are able to give +lectures, you have recently given proof of it." + +At last there was a minute's pause, permitting the younger one to +interpose: + +"But you are making a mistake, it is not I you mean. It must be my +elder brother." + +"Oh! very likely. Where does your brother live?" + +"Just underneath." + +A minute later there was a knock at the third-storey door beneath; it +was opened, and without even stopping to sit down, the visitor began: + +"You are Brandes? I am Lehmann. You recently gave some lectures on +Runeberg. Will you kindly repeat one of them before the People's +Society in the Casino's big room?" + +"Won't you sit down? I thank you for your offer. But my lecture was not +good enough to be repeated before so large a gathering. I do not know +enough about Runeberg's life, and my voice, moreover, will not carry. I +should not dare, at my age, to speak in so large a room." + +"I expected you to reply that you are too young. Your youth is written +in your face. But there is no question of seniority about it. I am +accustomed to carry through anything that I have determined upon, and I +take no notice of objections. What you do not know about Runeberg's +life, you can read up in a literary history. And if you can give a +successful lecture to a private audience, you can give one in a theatre +hall. I am interested in you, I am depending on you, I take your +promise with me. Good-bye!" + +This so-called promise became a regular nightmare to me, young and +absolutely untried as I was. It did not even occur to me to work up and +improve my lecture on Runeberg, for the very thought of appearing +before a large audience alarmed me and was utterly intolerable to me. +During the whole of my first stay in Paris I was so tormented by the +consent that Orla Lehmann had extorted from me, that it was a shadow +over my pleasure. I would go happy to bed and wake up in the middle of +the night with the terror of a debtor over something far off, but +surely threatening, upon me, seek in my memory for what it was that was +troubling me, and find that this far-off, threatening thing was my +promise to Lehmann. It was only after my return home that I summoned up +courage to write to him, pleading my youth and unfitness, and begging +to be released from the honourable but distasteful duty. Orla Lehmann, +in the meantime, had in all probability not bestowed a thought on the +whole matter and long since forgotten all about it. + +In any case he never referred to the subject again in after years, when +we frequently met. + +Among Bröchner's private pupils was a young student. Kristian Möller, +by name, who devoted himself exclusively to philosophy, and of whom +Bröchner was particularly fond. He had an unusually keen intelligence, +inclined to critical and disintegrating research. His abilities were +very promising, inasmuch as it seemed that he might be able to +establish destructive verdicts upon much that was confused, or +self-contradicting, but nevertheless respected; in other respects he +had a strangely infertile brain. He had no sudden inspirations, no +imagination. It could not be expected that he would ever bring forward +any specially new thoughts, only that he would penetrate confusion, +think out errors to the bottom, and, with the years, carry out a +process of thorough cleansing. + +But before he had accomplished any independent work his lungs became +affected. It was not at once perceived how serious the affection was, +and Orla Lehmann, who, with the large-mindedness and open-handedness of +a patriot, had taken him up, as well as sundry other young men who +promised well or were merely poor, not only invited him to his weekly +dinner-parties at Frederiksberg, but sent him to Upsala, that he might +study Swedish philosophy there. Möller himself was much inclined to +study Boströmianism and write a criticism of this philosophy, which was +at that time predominant in Sweden. + +He ought to have been sent South, or rather to a sanatorium; Orla +Lehmann's Scandinavian sympathies, however, determined his stay in the +North, which proved fatal to his health. + +In 1868 he returned to Copenhagen, pale, with hollow cheeks, and a +stern, grave face, that of a marked man, his health thoroughly +undermined. His friends soon learnt, and doubtless he understood +himself, that his condition was hopeless. The quite extraordinary +strength of character with which he submitted, good-temperedly and +without a murmur, to his fate, had for effect that all who knew him +vied with each other in trying to lessen the bitterness of his lot and +at any rate show him how much they cared for him. As he could not go +out, and as he soon grew incapable of connected work, his room became +an afternoon and evening meeting-place for many of his comrades, who +went there to distract him with whatever they could think of to +narrate, or discuss. If you found him alone, it was rarely long before +a second and a third visitor came, and the room filled up. + +Orla Lehmann, his patron, was also one of Kristian Möller's frequent +visitors. But whenever he arrived, generally late and the last, the +result was always the same. The students and graduates, who had been +sitting in the room in lively converse, were struck dumb, awed by the +presence of the great man; after the lapse of a few minutes, one would +get up and say good-bye; immediately afterwards the next would remember +that he was engaged elsewhere just at that particular time; a moment +later the third would slip noiselessly out of the room, and it would be +empty. + +There was one, however, who, under such circumstances, found it simply +impossible to go. I stayed, even if I had just been thinking of taking +my leave. + +Under the autocracy, Orla Lehmann had been the lyrical figure of +Politics; he had voiced the popular hopes and the beauty of the +people's will, much more than the political poets did. They wrote +poetry; his nature was living poetry. The swing of his eloquence, which +so soon grew out of date, was the very swing of youth in men's souls +then. At the time I first knew him, he had long left the period of his +greatness behind him, but he was still a handsome, well set-up man, +and, at 58 years of age, had lost nothing of his intellectual vivacity. +He had lost his teeth and spoke indistinctly, but he was fond of +telling tales and told them well, and his enemies declared that as soon +as a witty thought struck him, he took a cab and drove round from house +to house to relate it. + +Passionately patriotic though Orla Lehmann was, he was very far from +falling into the then usual error of overestimating Denmark's +historical exploits and present importance. He related one day that +when he was in Paris, as a young man, speaking under an impression very +frequent among his travelled compatriots, he had, in a conversation +with Sainte-Beuve, reproached the French with knowing so shamefully +little of the Danes. The great critic, as was his habit, laid his head +a little on one side, and with roguish impertinence replied: "_Eh! +bien, faites quelque chose! on parlera de vous_." He approved of the +reply. We younger ones looked upon him as belonging to another period +and living in another plane of ideas, although, being a liberal-minded +man, he was not far removed from us. He was supposed to be a +freethinker, and it was told of him that when his old housekeeper +repeatedly, and with increasing impatience, requested him to come to +table, he would reply, in the presence of students--a rallying allusion +to the lady's Christian disposition: + +"Get help from Religion, little Bech, get help from Religion!"--a +remark that in those days would be regarded as wantonly irreligious! + +People felt sorry for Lehmann because his politics had so wholly +miscarried, and somewhat sore against him because he wanted to lay all +the blame on the old despotism and the unfavourable circumstances of +the time. Take him altogether, to those who were not intimately +associated with him, and did not share the strong dislike felt against +him in certain circles, he was chiefly a handsome and attractive +antiquity. + +Kristian Möller died in 1869, and his death was deeply lamented. He was +one of the few comrades admired by the younger ones alike for his gifts +and his stoicism. With his death my opportunities of frequently meeting +Orla Lehmann ceased. But that the latter had not quite lost sight of +me, he proved by appearing, at the end of February, 1870, at my +examination upon my doctor's thesis at the University. As on this +occasion Lehmann arrived a little late, he was placed on a chair in +front of all the other auditors, and very imposing he looked, in a +mighty fur coat which showed off his stately figure. He listened very +attentively to everything, and several times during the discussion +showed by a short laugh that some parrying reply had amused him. + +Six months afterwards he was no more. + + +XVII. + +During those years I came into very curious relations with another +celebrity of the time. This was M. Goldschmidt, the author, whose great +talent I had considerable difficulty in properly appreciating, so +repelled was I by his uncertain and calculating personality. + +I saw Goldschmidt for the first time, when I was a young man, at a +large ball at a club in Copenhagen. + +A man who had emigrated to England as a poor boy returned to Copenhagen +in the sixties at the age of fifty, after having acquired a +considerable fortune. He was uneducated, kind, impeccably honourable, +and was anxious to secure acquaintances and associates for his adopted +daughter, a delicate young girl, who was strange to Copenhagen. With +this object in view, he invited a large number of young people to a +ball in the rooms of the King's Club, provided good music and luxurious +refreshments. This man was a cousin of Goldschmidt's, and as he himself +was unable to make more of a speech than a short welcome to table, he +begged "his cousin, the poet," to be his spokesman on this occasion. + +One would have thought that so polished a writer, such a master of +language, as Goldschmidt, would be able, with the greatest ease, to +make an after-dinner speech, especially when he had had plenty of time +to prepare himself; but the gift of speaking is, as everyone knows, a +gift in itself. And a more unfortunate speaker than Goldschmidt could +not be. He had not even the art of compelling silence while he spoke. + +That evening he began rather tactlessly by telling the company that +their host, who was a rich man, had earned his money in a strictly +honourable manner; it was always a good thing to know "that one had +clear ground to dance upon"; then he dwelt on the Jewish origin of the +giver of the feast, and, starting from the assumption that the greater +number of the invited guests were young Jews and Jewesses, he +formulated his toast in praise of "the Jewish woman, who lights the +Sabbath candles." The young Jewesses called out all at once: "The +Danish woman I The Danish woman! We are Danish!" They were irritated at +the dead Romanticism into which Goldschmidt was trying to push them +back. They lighted no Sabbath candles! they did not feel themselves +Jewish either by religion or nationality. The day of Antisemitism had +not arrived. Consequently there was still no Zionist Movement. They had +also often felt vexed at the descriptions that Goldschmidt in his +novels frequently gave of modern Jews, whose manners and mode of +expression he screwed back fifty years. + +These cries, which really had nothing offensive about them, made +Goldschmidt lose his temper to such an extent that he shouted, in great +exasperation: "Will you keep silence while I speak! What manners are +these! I will teach you to keep silence!" and so forth,--which evoked a +storm of laughter. He continued for some time to rebuke their exuberant +mirth in severe terms, but was so unsuccessful that he broke off his +speech and, very much out of humour, sat down. + +Not long afterwards, perhaps in the year 1865, I came into contact with +Goldschmidt once only, when walking one evening with Magdalene +Thoresen. On meeting this lady, whom he knew, he turned round, walking +with her as far as her house on the shores of the Lakes, after which +his way led towards the town, as did mine. As long as Mrs. Thoresen was +present, he naturally addressed his conversation to her and expressed +himself, as his habit was, without much ceremony. For instance, he +said: "I don't as a rule care for women writers, not even for those we +have; but I will concede that, of all the ladies who write, you are the +freshest." When Mrs. Thoresen brought the conversation round to her +favourite subject, love, he said, banteringly: "My heart is like the +flags of the Zouave Regiments, so pierced with holes that it is almost +impossible to tell what the material originally looked like." + +On the whole, he was animated and polite, but his glance was somewhat +stinging. + +Goldschmidt had greater difficulty in hitting on the right manner to +adopt towards a much younger man. He used expressions which showed that +he was standing on his dignity, and was all the time conscious of his +own superiority. "People have spoken about you to me," he said, "and I +know you by name." The word here rendered _people_ had a strangely +foreign sound, as though translated, or affected. + +"Have you read Taine's History of English Literature?" he asked. + +"No, I don't know it." + +"Ah, perhaps you are one of those who regard it as superfluous to learn +about anything foreign. We have enough of our own, is it not so? It is +a very widespread opinion, but it is a mistake." + +"You judge too hastily; that is not my opinion." + +"Oh,--ah. Yes. Good-bye." + +And our ways parted. + +I did not like Goldschmidt. He had dared to profane the great Sören +Kierkegaard, had pilloried him for the benefit of a second-rate public. +I disliked him on Kierkegaard's account. But I disliked him much more +actively on my master, Professor Bröchner's account. + +Bröchner had an intense contempt for Goldschmidt; intellectually he +thought him of no weight, as a man he thought him conceited, and +consequently ridiculous. He had not the slightest perception of the +literary artist in him. The valuable and unusual qualities of his +descriptive talent he overlooked. But the ignorance Goldschmidt had +sometimes shown about philosophy, and the incapacity he had displayed +with regard to art, his change of political opinion, his sentimentality +as a wit, all the weaknesses that one Danish critic had mercilessly +dragged into the light, had inspired Bröchner with the strongest +aversion to Goldschmidt. Add to this the personal collisions between +the two men. At some public meeting Bröchner had gazed at Goldschmidt +with such an ironic smile that the latter had passionately called him +to account. + +"Don't make a scene now!" replied Bröchner. + +"I am ready to make a scene anywhere," the answer is reported to have +been. + +"That I can believe; but keep calm now!" + +Shortly afterwards, in _North and South_, Goldschmidt, on the occasion +of Bröchner's candidature for parliament, had written that the +well-known atheist, H. Bröchner, naturally, as contributor to _The +Fatherland_, was supported by the "Party." Now, there was nothing that +annoyed Bröchner so much as when anyone called him an atheist, and +tried to make him hated for that reason,--the word, it is true, had a +hundred times a worse sound then than now,--he always maintaining that +he and other so-called atheists were far more religious than their +assailants. And although Goldschmidt's sins against Bröchner were in +truth but small, although the latter, moreover--possibly +unjustifiably--had challenged him to the attack, Bröchner nevertheless +imbued me with such a dislike of Goldschmidt that I could not regard +him with quite unprejudiced eyes. + +Goldschmidt tried to make personal advances to me during my first stay +in Paris in 1866. + +Besides the maternal uncle settled in France, of whom I have already +spoken, I had still another uncle, my father's brother, who had gone to +France as a boy, had become naturalised, and had settled in Paris. He +was a little older than my father, a somewhat restless and fantastic +character, whom Goldschmidt frequently met at the houses of mutual +friends. He let me know through this man that he would like to make my +acquaintance, gave him his address and mentioned his receiving hours. +As I held back, he repeated the invitation, but in vain. Bröchner's +influence was too strong. A few years later, in some dramatic articles, +I had expressed myself in a somewhat satirical, offhand manner about +Goldschmidt, when one day an attempt was made to bring the poet and +myself into exceedingly close connection. + +One Spring morning in 1869, a little man with blue spectacles came into +my room and introduced himself as Goldschmidt's publisher, Bookseller +Steen. He had come on a confidential errand from Goldschmidt, regarding +which he begged me to observe strict silence, whatever the outcome of +the matter might be. + +Goldschmidt knew that, as a critic, I was not in sympathy with him, but +being very difficultly placed, he appealed to my chivalry. For reasons +which he did not wish to enter into, he would be obliged, that same +year, to sever his connection with Denmark and settle down permanently +in England. For the future he should write in English. But before he +left he wished to terminate his literary activity in his native country +by an edition of his collected works, or at any rate a very exhaustive +selection from them. He would not and could not direct so great an +undertaking himself, from another country; he only knew one man who was +capable of doing so, and him he requested to undertake the matter. He +had drawn up a plan of the edition, a sketch of the order in which the +writings were to come out, and what the volume was to contain, and he +placed it before me for approval or criticism. The edition was to be +preceded by an account of Goldschmidt as an author and of his artistic +development; if I would undertake to write this, I was asked to go to +see Goldschmidt, in order to hear what he himself regarded as the main +features and chief points of his literary career. + +The draft of what the projected edition was to include made quite a +little parcel of papers; besides these, Steen gave me to read the +actual request to me to undertake the task, which was cautiously worded +as a letter, not to me, but to Bookseller Steen, and which Steen had +been expressly enjoined to bring back with him. Although I did not at +all like this last-mentioned item, and although this evidence of +distrust was in very conspicuous variance with the excessive and +unmerited confidence that was at the same time being shown me, this +same confidence impressed me greatly. + +The information that Goldschmidt, undoubtedly the first prose writer in +the country, was about to break off his literary activity and +permanently leave Denmark, was in itself overwhelming and at once set +my imagination actively at work. What could the reason be? A crime? +That was out of the question. What else could there be but a love +affair, and that had my entire sympathy. It was well known that +Goldschmidt admired a very beautiful woman, who was watched the more +jealously by her husband, because the latter had for a great number of +years been paralysed. He would not allow her to go to the theatre to +sit anywhere but in the mirror box [Footnote: The mirror box was a box +in the first Royal Theatre, surrounded by mirrors and with a grating in +front, where the stage could be seen, reflected in the mirrors, but the +occupants were invisible. It was originally constructed to utilise a +space whence the performance could not otherwise be seen, and was +generally occupied by actresses, etc.], where she could not be seen by +the public. The husband met with no sympathy from the public; he had +always been a characterless and sterile writer, had published only two +books, written in a diametrically opposite spirit, flatly contradicting +one another. As long as he was able to go out he had dyed his red hair +black. He was an insignificant man in every way, and by his first +marriage with an ugly old maid had acquired the fortune which alone had +enabled him to pay court to the beautiful woman he subsequently won. + +It had leaked out that she was the original of the beautiful woman in +The Inheritance, and that some of the letters that occur in it were +really notes from Goldschmidt to her. + +What more likely than the assumption that the position of affairs had +at last become unbearable to Goldschmidt, and that he had determined on +an elopement to London? In a romantic purpose of the sort Goldschmidt +could count upon the sympathy of a hot-blooded young man. I +consequently declared myself quite willing to talk the matter over with +the poet and learn more particulars as to what was expected of me; +meanwhile, I thought I might promise my assistance. It was Easter week, +I believe Maunday Thursday; I promised to call upon Goldschmidt on one +of the holidays at a prearranged time. + +Good Friday and Easter Sunday I was prevented from going to him, and I +had already made up my mind to pay my visit on Easter Monday when on +Monday morning I received a letter from Bookseller Steen which made me +exceedingly indignant. The letter, which exhibited, as I considered, +(incorrectly, as it turned out), unmistakably signs of having been +dictated to him, bore witness to the utmost impatience. Steen wrote +that after undertaking to pay a visit to Goldschmidt I had now let two +days elapse without fulfilling my promise. There was "no sense in +keeping a man waiting" day after day, on such important business; in +Steen's "personal opinion," it had not been at all polite of me, as the +younger author, not to inform Goldschmidt which day I would go to see +him. + +I was very much cooled by reading this letter. I saw that I had wounded +Goldschmidt's vanity deeply by not going to him immediately upon +receipt of his communication; but my chief impression was one of +surprise that Goldschmidt should reveal himself such a poor +psychologist in my case. How could he believe that I would allow myself +to be terrified by rough treatment or won by tactless reprimands? How +could he think that I regarded the task he wished to allot me as such +an honour that for that reason I had not refused it? Could not +Goldschmidt understand that it was solely the appeal to my better +feelings from an opponent, struck by an untoward fate, that had +determined my attitude? + +Simultaneously, though at first very faintly, a suspicion crossed my +mind. Was it possible that the whole touching story which had been +confided to me was a hoax calculated to disarm my antagonism, arouse my +sympathy and secure Goldschmidt a trumpeting herald? Was it possible +that the mysterious information about the flight to London was only an +untruth, the sole purpose of which was to get me into Goldschmidt's +service? + +I dismissed the thought at once as too improbable, but it recurred, for +I had learnt from experience that even distinguished authors sometimes +did not shrink from very daring means of securing the services of a +critic. A critic is like the rich heiress, who is always afraid of not +being loved for herself alone. Even then, I was very loth to believe +that any recognised author, much less a writer whose position was a +vexed question, would make advances to me from pure benevolence, for +the sake of my beautiful eyes, as they say in French. + +At any rate, I had now made up my mind not to have anything whatever to +do with the matter. I replied emphatically: + +"Lessons in politeness I take from no one, consequently return you the +enclosed papers. Be kind enough to appeal to some one else." + +This reply was evidently not the one the letter had been intended to +evoke. Steen rushed up to me at once to apologise, but I did not see +him. Twice afterwards he came with humble messages from Goldschmidt +asking me to "do him the honour" of paying him a visit. But my pride +was touchy, and my determination unwavering. Undoubtedly Steen's letter +was sent at Goldschmidt's wish, but it is equally undoubted that its +form had not been approved by him. That the alliance so cleverly led up +to came to nothing was evidently as unexpected by the poet as +unpalatable to him. + +Not long afterwards, I accidentally had strong confirmation of my +suspicion that the story of a flight from Denmark was merely an +invention calculated to trap me, and after the lapse of some time I +could no longer harbour a doubt that Goldschmidt had merely wished to +disarm a critic and secure himself a public crier. + +This did not make me feel any the more tenderly disposed towards +Goldschmidt, and my feeling lent a sharper tone than it would otherwise +have had to an essay I wrote shortly afterwards about him on the +production of his play _Rabbi and Knight_ at the Royal Theatre. + +Three years passed before our paths crossed again and a short-lived +association came about between us. + + +XVIII. + +In my public capacity about this time, I had many against me and no one +wholly for me, except my old protector Bröchner, who, for one thing, +was very ill, and for another, by reason of his ponderous language, was +unknown to the reading world at large. Among my personal friends there +was not one who shared my fundamental views; if they were fond of me, +it was in spite of my views. That in itself was a sufficient reason why +I could not expect them, in the intellectual feud in which I was still +engaged, to enter the lists on my behalf. I did not need any long +experience to perceive that complete and unmixed sympathy with my +endeavours was a thing I should not find. Such a sympathy I only met +with in reality from one of my comrades, Emil Petersen, a young private +individual with no connection whatever with literature, and without +influence in other directions. + +Moreover, I had learnt long ago that, as a literary beginner in a +country on a Liliputian scale, I encountered prompt opposition at every +step, and that ill-will against me was always expressed much more +forcibly than good-will, was quickly, so to say, organised. + +I had against me at once every literary or artistic critic who already +held an assured position, from the influential men who wrote in _The +Fatherland_ or the _Berlin Times_ to the small fry who snapped in the +lesser papers, and if they mentioned me at all it was with the utmost +contempt, or in some specially disparaging manner. It was the rival +that they fought against. Thus it has continued to be all my life. +Certain "critics," such as Falkman in Denmark and Wirsen in Sweden, +hardly ever put pen to paper for some forty years without bestowing an +affectionate thought upon me. (Later, in Norway, I became Collin's +_idée fixe_.) + +Add to these all who feared and hated a train of thought which in their +opinion was dangerous to good old-fashioned faith and morality. + +Definite as were the limits of my articles and longer contributions to +the dispute concerning Faith and Science, and although, strictly +speaking, they only hinged upon an obscure point in Rasmus Nielsen's +philosophy, they alarmed and excited a large section of the +ecclesiastics of the country. I had carefully avoided saying anything +against faith or piety; I knew that Orthodoxy was all-powerful in +Denmark. However, I did not meet with refutations, only with the +indignation of fanaticism. As far back as 1867 Björnson had come +forward in print against me, had reproached the Daily Paper with giving +my contributions a place in their columns, and reported their contents +to the Editor, who was away travelling, on the supposition that they +must have been accepted against his wishes; and although the article +did not bear Björnson's name, this attack was not without weight. The +innocent remark that Sören Kierkegaard was the Tycho Brahe of our +philosophy, as great as Tycho Brahe, but, like him, failing to place +the centre of our solar system in its Sun, gave Björnson an opportunity +for the statement,--a very dangerous one for a young author of foreign +origin to make,--that the man who could write like that "had no views +in common with other Danes, no Danish mind." + +The year after I was astonished by inflammatory outbursts on the part +of the clergy. One day in 1868 the much-respected Pastor Hohlenberg +walked into my friend Benny Spang's house, reprimanded her severely for +receiving such an undoubted heretic and heathen under her roof, and +demanded that she should break off all association with me. As she +refused to do so and turned a deaf ear to his arguments, losing all +self-control, he flung his felt hat on the floor, continued to rage and +rail against me, and, no result coming of it, dashed at last, in a +towering passion, out through the door, which he slammed behind him. +There was a farcical ending to the scene, since he was obliged to ring +at the door again for his hat, which, in his exasperation, he had +forgotten. This was a kind of private prologue to the ecclesiastical +drama which from the year 1871 upwards was enacted in most of the +pulpits of the country. Only the parsons instead of flinging their hats +upon the floor, beat their hands against the pulpit. + +But what surprised me, a literary beginner, still more, was the gift I +discovered in myself of hypnotising, by my mere existence, an +ever-increasing number of my contemporaries till they became as though +possessed by a hatred which lasted, sometimes a number of years, +sometimes a whole life long, and was the essential determining factor +in their careers and actions. By degrees, in this negative manner, I +succeeded in engaging the attentions of more than a score of persons. +For the time being, I encountered the phenomenon in the person of one +solitary genius-mad individual. For a failure of a poet and +philosopher, with whom I had nothing to do, and who did not interest me +in the least, I became the one enemy it was his business to attack. + +Rudolf Schmidt, who was a passionate admirer of Rasmus Nielsen, in +whose examination lectures he coached freshmen, was enraged beyond +measure by the objections, perfectly respectful, for that matter, in +form, which I had raised against one of the main points in Nielsen's +philosophy. In 1866 he published a pamphlet on the subject; in 1867 a +second, which, so possessed was he by his fury against his opponent, he +signed with the latter's own initials, Gb. And from this time forth, +for at least a generation, it became this wretch's task in life to +persecute me under every possible pseudonym, and when his own powers +were not sufficient, to get up conspiracies against me. In particular, +he did all he could against me in Germany. + +Meanwhile, he started a magazine in order to bring before the public +himself and the ideas he was more immediately serving, viz.: those of +R. Nielsen; and since this latter had of late drawn very much nearer to +the Grundtvigian way of thinking, partly also those of Grundtvig. The +magazine had three editors, amongst them R. Nielsen himself, and when +one of them, who was the critic of the _Fatherland_, suddenly left the +country, Björnstjerne Björnson took his place. The three names, R. +Nielsen, B. Björnson, and Rudolph Schmidt, formed a trinity whose +supremacy did not augur well for the success of a beginner in the paths +of literature, who had attacked the thinker among them for ideal +reasons, and who had been the object of violent attacks from the two +others. The magazine _Idea and Reality_, was, as might be expected, +sufficiently unfavourable to my cause. + +The sudden disappearance of the critic of _The Fatherland_ from the +literary arena was, under the conditions of the time, an event. He had +no little talent, attracted by ideas and fancies that were sometimes +very telling, repelled by mannerisms and a curious, far-fetched style, +laid chief emphasis, in the spirit of the most modern Danish +philosophy, on the will, and always defended ethical standpoints. From +the time of Björnson's first appearance he had attached himself so +enthusiastically and inviolably to him that by the general public he +was almost regarded as Björnson's herald. At every opportunity he +emphatically laid down Björnson's importance and as a set-off fell upon +those who might be supposed to be his rivals. Ibsen, in particular, +received severe handling. His departure was thus a very hard blow for +Björnson, but for that matter, was also felt as a painful loss by those +he opposed. + + +XIX. + +Not long after this departure, and immediately after the publication of +my long article on Goldschmidt, I received one day, to my surprise, a +letter of eight closely written pages from Björnstjerne Björnson, dated +April 15th, 1869. + +What had called it forth was my remark, in that article, that Björnson, +like Goldschmidt, sometimes, when talent failed, pretended to have +attained the highest, pretended that obscurity was the equivalent of +profundity. When writing this, I was thinking of the obscure final +speech about God in Heaven in Björnson's _Mary Stuart_, which I still +regard as quite vague, pretentious though it be as it stands there; +however, it was an exaggeration to generalise the grievance, as I had +done, and Björnson was right to reply. He considered that I had accused +him of insincerity, though in this he was wrong; but for that matter, +with hot-tempered eloquence, he also denied my real contention. His +letter began: + + Although I seldom read your writings, so that possibly I risk speaking + of something you have elsewhere developed more clearly, and thus making + a mistake, I nevertheless wish to make a determined protest against its + being called a characteristic of mine, in contrast to Oehlenschläger + (and Hauch!!), to strain my powers to reach what I myself only perceive + unclearly, and then intentionally to state it as though it were clear. I + am quite sure that I resemble Oehlenschläger in one thing, namely, that + the defects of my book are open to all, and are not glossed over with + any sort or kind of lie; anything unclear must for the moment have + seemed clear to me, as in his case. My motto has always been: "Be + faithful in _small_ things, and God shall make you ruler over great + things." And never, no, never, have I snatched after great material in + order to seem great, or played with words in order to seem clever, or + been silent, in order to appear deep. Never. The examples around me have + been appalling to me, and I am sure that they have been so because I + have from the very beginning been on my guard against lies. There are + passages in every work which will not yield immediately what one + impatiently demands of them;--and then I have always waited, never + tried; the thing has had to come itself unforced, and it is possible + that what I have received has been a deception; but I have believed in + it; to me it has been no deception. Before I finally conclude, I always, + it is true, go over again what I have written (as in the case of + _Synnöve_, and _A Happy Boy, Between the Fights_, etc). I wish + to have the advantage of a better perception. Thus far, in what I have + gone through, I have seen weak places which I can no longer correct. + Lies I have never found. + + Unfortunately one is often exposed to the danger of being untrue; but it + is in moments of surprise and absolute passion, when something happens + to one's eye or one's tongue, that one feels is half mad, but when the + beast of prey within one, which shrinks at nothing, is the stronger. + Untrue in one's beautiful, poetic calm, one's confessional silence, at + one's work, I think very few are. + +This summing up, which does honour to Björnson and is not only a +striking self-verdict, but a valuable contribution to poetic psychology +in general, in its indication of the strength of the creative +imagination and its possibilities of error, was followed by a +co-ordinate attempt at a characterisation and appreciation of +Goldschmidt: + + You are likewise unjust to Goldschmidt on this point, that I know with + certainty. Goldschmidt is of a naïve disposition, susceptible of every + noble emotion. It is true that he often stages these in a comic manner, + and what you say about that is true; he does the same in private life, + but you have not recognised the source of this. In the last instance, it + is not a question of what we think, but of what we do. Just as this, on + the whole, is an error that you fall persistently into, it is in + particular an error here, where, for instance, his two brothers, with + the same qualifications and with the same dual nature, have both + developed into characters, the one indeed into a remarkable personality. + But Goldschmidt began as a corsair captain at seventeen; his courage was + the courage behind a pen that he fancied was feared, his happiness that + of the flatterer, his dread that of being vapid; and there were many + other unfavourable circumstances, for that matter.... He is now striving + hard towards what he feels has, during his life, been wasted in his + ability, both moral and intellectual qualities, and for my part, I + respect this endeavour more than his decisive success within narrow + limits. + +In this passage the distinction and contrast between contemplative life +and actual existence was quite in the Rasmus Nielsen spirit; the use +that was made of it here was strange. One would suppose that the +example adduced established that similar natural qualifications, +similar family and other conditions, in other words, the actual +essential conditions of life, were of small importance compared with +one's mode of thought, since the brothers could be so different; +Björnson wished to establish, hereby, that the mode of life was more +important than the mode of thought, although the former must depend on +the latter. For the rest, he alluded to Goldschmidt's weak points, even +if in somewhat too superior a manner, and without laying stress upon +his great artistic importance, with leniency and good-will. + +But if, in other things he touched upon, he had an eye for essentials, +this failed him sadly when the letter proceeded to a characterisation +of the addressee, in which he mixed up true and false in inextricable +confusion. Amongst other things, he wrote: + + Here, I doubtless touch upon a point that is distinctive of your + criticism. It is an absolute beauty worship. With that you can quickly + traverse our little literature and benefit no one greatly; for the poet + is only benefited by the man who approaches him with affection and from + his own standpoint; the other he does not understand, and the public + will, likely enough, pass with you through this unravelling of the + thousand threads, and believe they are growing; but no man or woman who + is sound and good lays down a criticism of this nature without a feeling + of emptiness. + + I chanced to read one of your travel descriptions which really became a + pronouncement upon some of the greatest painters. It was their nature in + their works (not their history or their lives so much as their natural + dispositions) that you pointed out,--also the influence of their time + upon them, but this only in passing; and you compared these painters, + one with another. In itself, much of this mode of procedure is correct, + but the result is merely racy. A single one of them, seized largely and + affectionately, shown in such manner that the different paintings and + figures became a description of himself, but were simultaneously the + unfolding of a culture, would have been five times as understandable. A + contrast can be drawn in when opportunity arises, but that is not the + essential task. Yes, this is an illustration of the form of your + criticism. It is an everlasting, and often very painful, juxtaposition + of things appertaining and contrasting, but just as poetry itself is an + absorption in the one thing that it has extracted from the many, so + comprehension of it is dependent on the same conditions. The individual + work or the individual author whom you have treated of, you have in the + same way not brought together, but disintegrated, and the whole has + become merely a piquant piece of effectiveness. Hitherto one might have + said that it was at least good-natured; but of late there have + supervened flippant expressions, paradoxical sentences, crude + definitions, a definite contumacy and disgust, which is now and again + succeeded by an outburst of delight over the thing that is peculiarly + Danish, or peculiarly beautiful. I cannot help thinking of P.L. Möller, + as I knew him in Paris. + + There are a thousand things between Heaven and Earth that you understand + better than I. But for that very reason you can listen to me. It seems + to me now as if the one half of your powers were undoing what the other + half accomplishes. I, too, am a man with intellectual interests, but I + feel no cooperation. Might there not be other tasks that you were more + fitted for than that of criticism? I mean, that would be less of a + temptation to you, and would _build_ up on your personality, at the + same time as you yourself were building? It strikes me that even if you + do choose criticism, it should be more strongly in the direction of our + educating responsibilities and less as the arranger of technicalities, + the spyer out of small things, the dragger together of all and + everything which can be brought forward as a witness for or against the + author, which is all frightfully welcome in a contemporary critical + epidemic in Copenhagen, but, God help me, is nothing and accomplishes + nothing. + +This part of the letter irritated me intensely, partly by the mentor's +tone assumed in it, partly by a summing up of my critical methods which +was founded simply and solely on the reading of three or four articles, +more especially those on Rubens and Goldschmidt, and which quite missed +the point. I was far from feeling that I had been understood, and for +that reason warned against extremes; on the contrary, I saw myself only +caricatured, without even wit or humour, and could not forget that the +man who had sketched this picture of me had done his utmost to injure +me. And he compared me with P.L. Möller! + +The fact that the conclusion of the letter contained much that was +conciliatory and beautiful consequently did not help matters. Björnson +wrote: + + When you write about the Jews, although I am not in agreement with you, + _altogether_ in agreement, you yet seem to me to touch upon a + domain where you might have much to offer us, many beautiful prospects + to open to us. In the same way, when you interpret Shakespeare (not when + you make poetry by the side of him), when you tranquilly expound, I seem + to see the beginnings of greater works, in any case of powers which I + could imagine essentially contributing to the introduction into our + culture of greater breadth of view, greater moral responsibility, more + affection. + +When I now read these words, I am obliged to transport myself violently +back, into the feelings and to the intellectual standpoint that were +mine at the time, in order to understand how they could to such a pitch +incense me. It was not only that, like all young people of any account, +I was irritable, sensitive and proud, and unwilling to be treated as a +pupil; but more than that, as the way of youth is, I confused what I +knew myself capable of accomplishing with what I had already +accomplished; felt myself rich, exuberantly rich, already, and was +indignant at perceiving myself deemed still so small. + +But the last straw was a sentence which followed: + + I should often have liked to talk all this over with you, when last I + was in Copenhagen, but I noticed I was so pried after by gossips that I + gave it up. + +The last time Björnson was in Copenhagen he had written that article +against me. Besides, I had been told that some few times he had read my +first articles aloud in public in friends' houses, and made fun of +their forced and tyro-like wording. And now he wanted me to believe +that he had at that time been thinking of visiting me, in order to come +to an understanding with me. And worse still, the fear of gossip had +restrained him! This hero of will-power so afraid of a little gossip! +He might go on as he liked now, I had done with him. He did go on, both +cordially and gracefully, but condescendingly, quite incapable of +seeing how wounding the manner of his advances was. He wished to make +advances to me and yet maintain a humiliating attitude of condescension: + + There are not many of us in literature who are in earnest; the few who + are ought not to be daunted by the accidental separation that opposed + opinions can produce, when there is a large field for mutual + understanding and co-operation. I sometimes get violently irate for a + moment; if this in lesser men, in whom there really is something base, + brings about a lifelong separation, it does not greatly afflict me. But + I should be very sorry if it should influence the individuals in whom I + feel there are both ability and will. And as far as you are concerned, I + have such a strong feeling that you must be standing at a parting of the + ways, that, by continuing your path further, you will go astray, that I + want to talk to you, and consequently am speaking from my heart to you + now. If you do not understand, I am sorry; that is all I can say. + + In the Summer I am going to Finmark, and involuntarily, as I write this, + the thought occurs to me what a journey it would be for you; away from + everything petty and artificial to a scenery which in its magnificent + loneliness is without parallel in the world, and where the wealth of + birds above us and fish beneath us (whales, and shoals of herrings, cod + and capelans often so close together that you can take them up in your + hands, or they press against the sides of the boat) are marvel upon + marvel, in the light of a Sun that does not set, while human beings up + there live quiet and cowed by Nature. If you will come with me, and meet + me, say, at Trondhjem, I know that you would not regret it. And then I + should get conversation again; here there are not many who hit upon just + that which I should like them to. Think about it. + +A paragraph relating to Magdalene Thoresen followed. But what is here +cited is the essential part of the letter. Had its recipient known +Björnson better, he would in this have found a foundation to build +upon. But as things were, I altogether overlooked the honestly meant +friendliness in it and merely seized upon the no small portion of it +that could not do other than wound. My reply, icy, sharp and in the +deeper sense of the word, worthless, was a refusal. I did not believe +in Björnson, saw in the letter nothing but an attempt to use me as a +critic, now that he had lost his former advocate in the Press. The +prospect of the journey to the North did not tempt me; in Björnson's +eyes it would have been Thor's journey with Loki, and I neither was +Loki nor wished to be. + +But even had I been capable of rising to a more correct and a fuller +estimate of Björnson's character, there was too much dividing us at +this time for any real friendship to have been established. Björnson +was then still an Orthodox Protestant, and in many ways hampered by his +youthful impressions; I myself was still too brusque to be able to +adapt myself to so difficult and masterful a personality. + +Eight years elapsed before the much that separated me from Björnson +crumbled away. But then, when of his own accord he expressed his regret +on a public occasion at the rupture between us, and spoke of me with +unprejudiced comprehension and good-will, I seized with warmth and +gratitude the hand stretched out to me. A hearty friendship, bringing +with it an active and confidential correspondence, was established +between us and remained unshaken for the next ten years, when it broke +down, this time through no fault of mine, but through distrust on +Björnson's part, just as our intimacy had been hindered the first time +through distrust on mine. + +The year 1869 passed in steady hard work. Among the many smaller +articles I wrote, one with the title of _The Infinitely Small and the +Infinitely Great in Poetry_, starting with a representment of +Shakespeare's Harry Percy, contained a criticism of the hitherto +recognised tendency of Danish dramatic poetry and pointed out into the +future. The paper on H.C. Andersen, which came into being towards +midsummer, and was read aloud in a clover field to a solitary listener, +was representative of my critical abilities and aims at that date. I +had then known Andersen socially for a considerable time. My cordial +recognition of his genius drew us more closely together; he often came +to see me and was very ready to read his new works aloud to me. It is +hardly saying too much to declare that this paper secured me his +friendship. + +The fundamental principles of the essay were influenced by Taine, the +art philosopher I had studied most deeply, and upon whom I had written +a book that was to be my doctor's thesis. Lightly and rapidly though my +shorter articles came into being, this larger task was very long in +hand. Not that I had little heart for my work; on the contrary, no +question interested me more than those on which my book hinged; but +there were only certain of them with which, as yet, I was equal to +dealing. + +First and foremost came the question of the nature of the producing +mind, the possibility of showing a connection between its faculties and +deriving them from one solitary dominating faculty, which would thus +necessarily reveal itself in every aspect of the mind. It puzzled me, +for example, how I was to find the source whence Pascal's taste, both +for mathematics and religious philosophy, sprang. Next came the +question of the possibility of a universally applicable scientific +method of criticism, regarded as intellectual optics. If one were to +define the critic's task as that of understanding, through the +discovery and elucidation of the dependent and conditional +contingencies that occur in the intellectual world, then there was a +danger that he might approve everything, not only every form and +tendency of art that had arisen historically, but each separate work +within each artistic section. If it were no less the critic's task to +distinguish between the genuine and the spurious, he must at any rate +possess a technical standard by which to determine greater or lesser +value, or he must be so specially and extraordinarily gifted that his +instinct and tact estimate infallibly. + +Further, there was the question of genius, the point on which Taine's +theory roused decisive opposition in me. He regarded genius as a +summing up, not as a new starting-point; according to him it was the +assemblage of the original aptitudes of a race and of the peculiarities +of a period in which these aptitudes were properly able to display +themselves. He overlooked the originality of the man of genius, which +could not be explained from his surroundings, the new element which, in +genius, was combined with the summarising of surrounding particles. +Before, when studying Hegel, I had been repelled by the suggestion that +what spoke to us through the artist was only the universally valid, the +universal mind, which, as it were, burnt out the originality of the +individual. In Taine's teaching, nation and period were the new +(although more concrete) abstractions in the place of the universally +valid; but here, too, the particularity of the individual was +immaterial. The kernel of my work was a protest against this theory. + +I was even more actively interested in the fundamental question raised +by a scientific view of history. For some years I had been eagerly +searching Comte and Littré, Buckle, Mill and Taine for their opinions +on the philosophy of History. Here, too, though in another form, the +question of the importance of the individual versus the masses +presented itself. Statistics had proved to what extent conscious +actions were subordinated to uniform laws. We could foresee from one +year to another how many murders would be committed and how many with +each kind of instrument. The differences between men and men +neutralised each other, if we took the average of a very large number. +But this did not prove that the individual was not of considerable +importance. If the victory of Salamis depended on Themistocles, then +the entire civilisation of Europe henceforth depended on him. + +Another aspect of the question was: Did the consistent determinism of +modern Science, the discovery of an unalterable interdependency in the +intellectual, as in the physical worlds, allow scope for actions +proceeding otherwise than merely illusorily from the free purpose or +determination of the individual? Very difficult the question was, and I +did not feel confident of solving it; but it was some consolation to +reflect that the doubt as to the possibility of demonstrating a full +application of the law in the domain in which chance has sway, and +Ethics its sphere, was comparatively infinitesimal in the case of those +domains in which men make themselves felt by virtue of genius or talent +as producers of literary and artistic works. Here, where natural gifts +and their necessary deployment were of such extraordinary weight, the +probability of a demonstration of natural laws was, of course, much +greater. + +The general fundamental question was: Given a literature, a philosophy, +an art, or a branch of art, what is the attitude of mind that produces +it? What are its sufficing and necessary conditions? What, for +instance, causes England in the sixteenth century to acquire a dramatic +poetry of the first rank, or Holland in the seventeenth century a +painting art of the first rank, without any of the other branches of +art simultaneously bearing equally fine fruit in the same country? + +My deliberations resulted, for the time being, in the conviction that +all profound historical research was psychical research. + +That old piece of work, revised, as it now is, has certainly none but +historic interest; but for a doctor's thesis, it is still a tolerably +readable book and may, at any rate, introduce a beginner to reflection +upon great problems. + +After the fundamental scientific questions that engaged my attention, I +was most interested in artistic style. There was, in modern Danish +prose, no author who unreservedly appealed to me; in German Heinrich +Kleist, and in French Mérimée, were the stylists whom I esteemed most. +The latter, in fact, it seemed to me was a stylist who, in unerring +sureness, terseness and plasticism, excelled all others. He had +certainly not much warmth or colour, but he had a sureness of line +equal to that of the greatest draughtsmen of Italian art. His aridity +was certainly not winning, and, in reading him, I frequently felt a +lack of breadth of view and horizon, but the compelling power of his +line-drawing captivated me. When my doctor's thesis was finished, +towards the middle of December, 1869, both it and the collection of +articles bearing the name _Criticisms and Portraits_ were placed in the +printer's hands. In the beginning of 1870 two hitherto unprinted pieces +were added, of which one was a paper written some time before on Kamma +Rahbek, which had been revised, the other, a new one on Mérimée, which +in general shows what at that time I admired in style. + +It had long been settled that as soon as I had replied to the critics +of my thesis I should start on prolonged travels, the real educational +travels of a young man's life. I had a little money lying ready, a +small bursary, and a promise of a travelling allowance from the State, +which promise, however, was not kept. This journey had for a long time +been haunting my fancy. I cherished an ardent wish to see France again, +but even more especially to go to Italy and countries still farther +South. My hope of catching a glimpse of Northern Africa was only +fulfilled thirty-five years later; but I got as far as Italy, which was +the actual goal of my desires. I knew enough of the country, its +history from ancient days until then, and was sufficiently acquainted +with its Art from Roman times upwards and during the Renaissance, to be +regarded as passed for intellectual consecration in the South. + +When the thesis was done with and the printing of the second book was +nearing completion, not anxiety to travel, but melancholy and +heavy-heartedness at the thought of my departure, gained the upper +hand. It had been decided that I was to remain away at least a year, +and it was less to myself than to others whom I must necessarily leave +behind, that the time seemed immeasurably long. Professor Schiödte +advised me rather to take several short journeys than one long one; but +that was impracticable. I wanted to get quite away from the home +atmosphere. As, however, there were some who thought of my journey with +disquiet and dread, and from whom it was difficult for me to tear +myself, I put off my departure as long as I could. At last the remnant +of work that still bound me to Copenhagen was finished, and then all +the new and enriching prospects my stay in foreign countries was to +bring me shone in a golden light. Full of undaunted hope, I set out on +my travels at the beginning of April, 1870. + + + + +SECOND LONGER STAY ABROAD + +Hamburg--My Second Fatherland--Ernest Hello--_Le Docteur +Noir_--Taine--Renan--Marcelin--Gleyre--Taine's Friendship--Renan at +Home--Philarète Chasles' Reminiscences--_Le Théâtre +Français_--Coquelin--Bernhardt--Beginnings of _Main Currents_--The +Tuileries--John Stuart Mill--London--Philosophical Studies--London and +Paris Compared--Antonio Gallenga and His Wife--Don Juan Prim--Napoleon +III--London Theatres--Gladstone and Disraeli in Debate--Paris on the +Eve of War--First Reverses--Flight from Paris--Geneva, +Switzerland--Italy--Pasquale Villari--Vinnie Ream's Friendship--Roman +Fever--Henrik Ibsen's Influence--Scandinavians in Rome. + + +I. + +The first thing that impressed me was Hamburg, and by that I mean the +European views prevalent there. At that time, doubtless mainly for +national reasons, Denmark hated Hamburg. Different Danish authors had +recently written about the town, and in as depreciatory a strain as +they could. The description of one amounted to an assertion that in +Hamburg people only talked of two things, money and women; that of +another commenced: "Of all the places I have ever seen in my life, +Hamburg is the most hideous." + +The situation of the town could not be compared with that of +Copenhagen, but the Alster quarter was attractive, the architecture and +the street life not uninteresting. What decided me, however, was not +the externals of the town, but the spirit I noticed pervading the +conversation. The idea underlying things was that a young man must +first and foremost learn to keep himself well and comfortably; if he +could not do this in Hamburg, then as soon as possible he must set off +to some place across the sea, to Rio, or New York, to the Argentine, or +Cape Colony, and there make his way and earn a fortune. The sons of the +families I was invited to visit, or heard talked about, had long been +away; in the houses I went to, the head of the family had seen other +parts of the world. The contrast with Copenhagen was obvious; there the +young sons of the middle classes were a burden on their families +sometimes until they were thirty, had no enterprise, no money of their +own to dispose of, were often glued, as it were, to the one town, where +there was no promotion to look forward to and no wide prospect of any +sort. + +It was a long time since I had been so much struck by anything as by an +expression that a Hamburg lady, who had been to Copenhagen and had +stayed there some time, used about the young Danish men, namely, that +they had _l'apparence chétive_. I tried to persuade her that life in +Copenhagen had only accidentally appeared so wretched to her; but I did +not convince her in the least. She demonstrated to me, by numerous +examples, to what an extent enterprise was lacking in Denmark, and I +was obliged to restrict myself to explaining that the tremendous +pressure of political pettiness and weakness had brought a general +slackness with it, without people feeling or suspecting it, and had +robbed nearly every one of daring and success. The result of the +conversation was that Denmark was shown to me in a fresh light. + +A Hamburg merchant who had lived for a long time in Mexico invited me +to dinner, and at his house I had the same impression of apparent +happiness, comfort, enterprise and wide outlook, in contrast to the +cares and the narrowness at home, where only the few had travelled far +or collected material which might by comparison offer new points of +view and give one a comprehensive experience of life. My psychological +education in Danish literature, with its idolising of "thoroughness" +had imprinted on my mind that whoever thoroughly understood how to +observe a man, woman and child in a Copenhagen backyard had quite +sufficient material whence to brew a knowledge of human nature. It now +dawned upon me that comparative observation of a Mexican and a North +German family, together with their opinions and prejudices, might +nevertheless considerably advance one's knowledge of human nature, +should such comparisons constantly obtrude themselves upon one. + +The same man let fall an observation which set me thinking. When the +conversation turned upon the strained relations between France and +Prussia since the battle of Königgratz, and I expressed myself +confident that, in the event of a war, France would be victorious, as +she generally was victorious everywhere, he expressed well-supported +doubts. Prussia was a comparatively young state, extremely well +organised and carefully prepared for war; antiquated routine held great +sway in the French army; the Emperor himself, the esteem in which he +was held, and his management were on the down grade. These were words +that I had never heard in Denmark. The possibility of France being +defeated in a war with Prussia was not even entertained there. This +merchant showed me an original photograph of the execution of the +Emperor Maximilian, taken on the spot a moment before the word to fire +was given, and a second taken immediately afterwards. The calm bearing +of the Emperor and the two generals compelled admiration. This was the +first time I had seen photography taken into the service of history. + +In the Hamburg Zoological Gardens I was fascinated by the aquarium, +with its multitudes of aquatic animals and fish. There, for the first +time in my life, I saw an elephant, and did not tire of gazing at the +mighty beast. I was struck by the strange caprice with which the great +Being we call Nature goes to work, or, more correctly, by the contrast +between the human point of view and Nature's mode of operations. To us, +the elephant's trunk was burlesque, its walk risibly clumsy; the eagle +and the kite seemed to us, as they sat, to have a severe appearance and +a haughty glance; the apes, picking lice from one another and eating +the vermin, were, to our eyes, contemptible and ridiculous at the same +time; but Nature took everything equally seriously, neither sought nor +avoided beauty, and to her one being was not more central than another. +That must be deemed Nature's central point which is equidistant from +the lowest and from the highest being; it was not impossible, for +instance, that the _harefish_, a great, thick, odd-looking creature, +was the real centre of terrestrial existence, in the same way as our +celestial sphere has its centre, through which a line reaches the pole +of the zodiac in the constellation of the Dragon. And I smiled as I +thought of R. Nielsen and his pupils always speaking as if they stood +on the most intimate footing with the "central point" of existence, and +pouring contempt on others who, it was to be supposed, could not +approach it. + +I was very unfavourably impressed in Hamburg by German drama and German +dramatic art. + +At the town theatre, Hebbel's _Judith_ was being performed, with Clara +Ziegler in the leading part. At that time this lady enjoyed a +considerable reputation in Germany, and was, too, a tall, +splendid-looking female, with a powerful voice, a good mimic, and all +the rest of it, but a mere word-machine. The acting showed up the want +of taste in the piece. Holofernes weltered knee-deep in gore and +bragged incessantly; Judith fell in love with his "virility," and when +he had made her "the guardian of his slumbers" murdered him, from a +long disremembered loyalty to the God of Israel. + +At the Thalia Theatre, Raupach's _The School of Life_ was being +produced, a lot of silly stuff, the theme of it, for that matter, +allied to the one dealt with later by Drachmann in _Once upon a Time_. +A Princess is hard-hearted and capricious. To punish her, the King, her +father, shuts a man into her bedroom, makes a feigned accusation +against her, and actually drives her out of the castle. She becomes a +waiting-maid, and passes through various stages of civil life. The King +of Navarra, whose suit she had haughtily rejected, disguised as a +goldsmith, marries her, then arrays himself in silks and velvets, to +tempt her to infidelity. When she refuses, he allows every possible +injustice to be heaped upon her, to try her, makes her believe that the +King, on a false accusation, has had her husband's eyes put out, and +then himself goes about with a bandage before his eyes, and lets her +beg. She believes everything and agrees to everything, until at last, +arrived at honour and glory, she learns that it has all been only +play-acting, trial, and education. + +This nonsense was exactly on a par with taste in Germany at the time, +which was undeniably considerably below the level of that in France and +Denmark, and it was acted by a group of actors, some very competent, at +the chief theatre of Hamburg. Slowly though business life pulsated in +Denmark, we were superior to Germany in artistic perception. + +The low stage of artistic development at which Hamburg had then arrived +could not, however, efface the impression its superiority over +Copenhagen in other respects had made upon me. Take it all together, my +few days in Hamburg were well spent. + + +II. + +And then I set foot once more in the country which I regarded as my +second fatherland, and the overflowing happiness of once more feeling +French ground under my feet returned undiminished and unchanged. I had +had all my letters sent to Mlle. Louise's address, so fetched them +shortly after my arrival and saw the girl again. Her family invited me +to dinner several times during the very first week, and I was +associated with French men and women immediately upon my arrival. + +They were well-brought-up, good-natured, hospitable bourgeois, very +narrow in their views. Not in the sense that they took no interest in +politics and literature, but in that questions for them were decided +once and for all in the clerical spirit. They did not regard this as a +party standpoint, did not look upon themselves as adherents of a party; +their way of thinking was the right one; those who did not agree with +them held opinions they ought to be ashamed of, and which they +probably, in private, were ashamed of holding and expressing. + +Mlle. Louise had a cousin whom she used to speak of as a warm-hearted +man with peculiar opinions, eager and impetuous, who would like to make +the acquaintance of her friend from the North. The aunts called him a +passionate Catholic, and an energetic writer in the service of the +Church Militant. Shortly after my arrival, I met him at dinner. He was +a middle-aged, pale, carelessly dressed man with ugly, irregular +features, and a very excitable manner. With him came his wife, who +though pale and enthusiastic like himself, yet looked quite +terrestrial. He introduced himself as Ernest Hello, contributor to +Veuillot's then much talked of Romish paper, _L'Univers_, which, edited +with no small talent by a noted stylist, adopted all sorts of abusive +methods as weapons in every feud in which the honour of the Church was +involved. It was against Veuillot that Augier had just aimed the +introduction to his excellent comedy, _Le Fils de Giboyer_, and he made +no secret of the fact that in the Déodat mentioned in the piece he had +had this writer of holy abuse in his mind. Hello was in everything +Veuillot's vassal. + +He was one of the martial believers who despised and hated the best +free research men, and who knew himself in a position to confute them. +He possessed some elements of culture, and had early had thoroughly +drilled into him what, in comparison with the views of later times on +History and Religion, was narrow and antiquated in Voltaire's +education, and for this reason regarded, not only Voltaire's attack on +the Church, but all subsequent philosophy inimical to the Church, as +belonging to a bygone age. He was a fanatic, and there was a sacristy +odour about all that he said. But there was in his disposition an +enthusiastic admiration for weakness in fighting against external +strength, and for courage that expressed itself in sheer defiance of +worldly prudence, that made him feel kindly towards the young Dane. +Denmark's taking up arms, with its two million inhabitants, against a +great power like Prussia, roused his enthusiasm. "It is great, it is +Spartan!" he exclaimed. It must certainly be admitted that this human +sympathy was not a prominent characteristic, and he wearied me with his +hateful verdicts over all those whom I, and by degrees, all Europe, +esteemed and admired in France. + +As an instance of the paradoxicalness to which Huysmans many years +later became addicted, the latter tried to puff up Hello as being a man +of remarkable intellect; and an instance of the want of independence +with which the new Catholic movement was carried on in Denmark is to be +found in the fact that the organ of Young Denmark, _The Tower_, could +declare: "Hello is one of the few whom all men of the future are agreed +to bow before.... Hello was,--not only a Catholic burning with +religious ardour,--but a genius; these two things explain everything." + +When Hello invited me to his house, I regarded it as my duty to go, +that I might learn as much as possible, and although his circle was +exceedingly antipathetic to me, I did not regret it; the spectacle was +highly instructive. + +Next to Hello himself, who, despite his fanaticism and restlessness, +impressed one as very inoffensive at bottom, and not mischievous if one +steered clear of such names as Voltaire or Renan, the chief member of +his circle was the black doctor, (_le Docteur noir_,) so much talked of +in the last years of the Empire, and who is even alluded to in Taine's +_Graindorge_. His real name was Vries. He was a negro from the Dutch +West Indies, a veritable bull, with a huge body and a black, bald +physiognomy, made to stand outside a tent at a fair, and be his own +crier to the public. His conversation was one incessant brag, in +atrocious French. Although he had lived seventeen years in France, he +spoke almost unintelligibly. + +He persuaded himself, or at least others, that he had discovered +perpetual motion, vowed that he had made a machine which, "by a simple +mechanism," could replace steam power and had been declared practicable +by the first engineers in Paris; but of course he declined to speak +freely about it. Columbus and Fulton only were his equals; he knew all +the secrets of Nature. He had been persecuted--in 1859 he had been +imprisoned for eleven months, on a charge of quackery--because all +great men were persecuted; remember our Lord Jesus Christ! He himself +was the greatest man living. _Moi vous dire le plus grand homme +d'universe_. Hello and the ladies smiled admiringly at him, and never +grew tired of listening to him. This encouraged him to monopolise the +conversation: He, Vries, was a man possessed of courage and wisdom; he +understood Phrenology, Allopathy, Homoeopathy, Engineering Science, +Metereology--like Molière's doctors and Holberg's Oldfux. His greatest +and most special gift was that of curing cancer. Like writing-masters, +who hang out specimens of how people wrote when they came to them, and +of their caligraphy after they had benefited by their instruction, he +had his cancer patients photographed before and after his treatment, +looking ghastly the first time, and as fresh as a flower the second, +and these pictures hung on view in his house. No wonder, therefore, +that Napoleon III--so Vries said--had his portrait in an album +containing, besides, only portraits of European sovereigns. + +He pretended that he had made many important prophecies. This was a +bond between him and Hello, who claimed the same extraordinary power, +and had foretold all sorts of singular events. He performed miraculous +cures; this appealed to Hello, who was suspicious of all rational +Science and ready to believe any mortal thing. He could read +everybody's characters in their faces. This was a pretext for the most +barefaced flattery of Hello, his wife, and their friends of both sexes, +and of course everything was swallowed with alacrity. To me he said: +"Monsieur is gentle, very calm, very indulgent, and readily forgives an +injury." + +Hideous though he was, his powerful brutality had a great effect on the +ladies of the circle. They literally hung upon his words. He seized +them by the wrists, and slid his black paws up their bare arms. The +married women whispered languishingly: "You have a marvellous power +over women." The husbands looked on smilingly. + +Now when Hello and he and their friends and the ladies began to talk +about religious matters and got steam up, it was a veritable witches' +Sabbath, and no mistake, every voice being raised in virulent cheap +Jack denunciation of freedom, and common sense. Satan himself had +dictated Voltaire's works; now Voltaire was burning in everlasting +fire. Unbelievers ought to be exterminated; it would serve them right. +Renan ought to be hanged on the first tree that would bear him; the +Black Doctor even maintained that in Manila he would have been shot +long ago. It was always the Doctor who started the subject of the +persecution of heretics. Hello himself persecuted heretics with +patronising scorn, but was already ready to drop into a hymn of praise +to the Madonna. + +I had then read two of Hello's books, _Le Style_ and _M. Renan, +L'Allemagne et l'Athéisme au 19me Siècle_. Such productions are called +books, because there is no other name for them. As a matter of fact, +idle talk and galimatias of the sort are in no wise literature. Hello +never wrote anything but Roman Catholic sermons, full of theological +sophistries and abuse of thinking men. In those years his books, with +their odour of incense, made the small, flat inhabitants of the +sacristy wainscotting venture out of their chinks in the wall in +delight; but they obtained no applause elsewhere. + +It was only after his death that it could occur to a morbid seeker +after originality, with a bitter almond in place of a heart, like +Huysmans, to make his half-mad hero, Des Esseintes, who is terrified of +the light, find satisfaction in the challenges to common sense that +Hello wrote. Hello was a poor wretch who, in the insane conviction that +he himself was a genius, filled his writings with assertions concerning +the marvellous, incomprehensible nature of genius, and always took up +the cudgels on its behalf. During the Empire, his voice was drowned. It +was only a score of years later that the new Catholic reaction found it +to their advantage to take him at his word and see in him the genius +that he had given himself out to be. He was as much a genius as the +madman in the asylum is the Emperor. + + +III. + +A few days after my arrival, I called upon Taine and was cordially +received. He presented me with one of his books and promised me his +great work, _De l'Intelligence_, which was to come out in a few days, +conversed with me for an hour, and invited me to tea the following +evening. He had been married since I had last been at his house, and +his wife, a young, clear-skinned lady with black plaits, brown eyes and +an extremely graceful figure, was as fresh as a rose, and talked with +the outspoken freedom of youth, though expressing herself in carefully +selected words. + +After a few days, Taine, who was generally very formal with strangers, +treated me with conspicuous friendliness. He offered at once to +introduce me to Renan, and urgently advised me to remain six months in +Paris, in order to master the language thoroughly, so that I might +enlighten Frenchmen on the state of things in the North, as well as +picture the French to my fellow-countrymen. Why should I not make +French my auxiliary language, like Turgenieff and Hillebrandt! + +Taine knew nothing of German belles lettres. As far as philosophy was +concerned, he despised German Aesthetics altogether, and laughed at me +for believing in "Aesthetics" at all, even one day introducing me to a +stranger as "A young Dane who does not believe in much, but is weak +enough to believe in Aesthetics." I was not precisely overburdened by +the belief. But a German Aesthetic, according to Taine's definition, +was a man absolutely devoid of artistic perception and sense of style, +who lived only in definitions. If you took him to the theatre to see a +sad piece, he would tear his hair with delight, and exclaim: "_Voilà +das Tragische!_" + +Of the more modern German authors, Taine knew only Heine, of whom he +was a passionate admirer and whom, by reason of his intensity of +feeling, he compared with Dante. A poem like the _Pilgrimage to +Kevlaar_ roused his enthusiasm. Goethe's shorter poems, on the other +hand, he could not appreciate, chiefly no doubt because he did not know +German sufficiently well. He was not even acquainted with the very best +of Goethe's short things, and one day that I asked him to read one poem +aloud, the words in his mouth rang very French. + +_Lieber dur Laydénn möcht ee mee schlag'e, als so feel Frödenn des +Laybengs airtrah'ge_, was intended to be-- + + Lieber durch Leiden, + Möcht ich mich schlagen + Als so viel Freuden + Des Lebens ertragen. + +Goethe's prose he did not consider good, but heavy and prolix, and +lacking in descriptive power. He would praise Voltaire's prose at his +expense. "You perceive the figure and its movements far more clearly," +he said. The German romanticists disgusted him; their style, also, was +too inartistic for him (_ils ne savent pas écrire, cela me dégoûte +d'eux_). + +I frequently met friends at his house, amongst others, Marcelin, who +had been his friend from boyhood, and upon whom, many years later, he +wrote a melancholy obituary. This man, the proprietor of that supremely +worldly paper, _La Vie Parisienne_, was a powerful, broad-shouldered, +ruddy-cheeked man, who looked the incarnation of health and very unlike +one's preconception of the editor of the most frivolous and fashionable +weekly in Paris. He was a draughtsman and an author, had studied the +history of the last few centuries in engravings, and himself owned a +collection of no fewer than 300,000. What Taine had most admired in him +was the iron will with which, left, at nineteen years of age, +penniless, and defectively educated, as head of his family, he had kept +his mother and brothers and sisters by his work. Next to that Taine +admired his earnestness. Marcelin, who was generally looked upon as +belonging to gay Paris, was a solitary-minded man, an imaginative +recreator of the peoples of the past, as they were and went about, of +their ways and customs. He it was who opened Taine's eyes to the wealth +of contributions to history locked up in collections of engravings, +more especially perhaps as regarded people's external appearance, and +what the exterior revealed. Another friend who came to Taine at all +sorts of times was Gleyre, the old painter, who had been born in French +Switzerland, but was otherwise a Parisian. And he was not the only +deeply idealistic artist with whom Taine was connected in the bonds of +friendship. Although a fundamental element of Taine's nature drew him +magnetically to the art that was the expression of strength, tragic or +carnal strength, a swelling exuberance of life, there was yet room in +his soul for sympathy with all artistic endeavour, even the purely +emotional. That which drew him to the idealistic painters was, at +bottom, the same quality as drew him to Beethoven and Chopin. + +Gleyre's best-known picture is the painting in the Louvre, somewhat +weak in colouring, but showing much feeling, a Nile subject +representing a man sitting on the banks of the river and watching the +dreams of his youth, represented as beautiful women, fleeing from him +on a decorated dahabeah, which is disappearing. The title is _Lost +Illusions_. There is more strength in the painting, much reproduced in +engraving, of a Roman army, conquered by Divico the Helvetian, passing +under the yoke--a picture which, as an expression of the national pride +of the Swiss, has been placed in the Museum at Lausanne. + +Still, it was the man himself, rather than his pictures, that Taine +thought so much of. Intellectually, Taine was in his inmost heart an +admirer of the Italian and the English Renaissance, when most pagan and +most unrestrained; his intellectual home was the Venice of the +sixteenth century; he would have been in his right place at one of the +festivals painted by Veronese, and should have worn the rich and +tasteful costume of that period. But socially, and as a citizen, he was +quite different, was affectionate and subdued and calm, excessively +conventional; temperate in all his judgments, as in his life. + +If I succeeded in winning his good-will, it was most emphatically not +because I had written a book about him, which, for that matter, he +could not understand; he barely glanced through it; he read, at most, +the appreciative little review that Gaston Paris did me the honour to +write upon it in the _Revue Critique_. But it appealed to him that I +had come to France from pure love of knowledge, that I might become +acquainted with men and women and intellectual life, and that I had +spent my youth in study. + +He grew fond of me, advised me as a father or an elder brother might +have done, and smiled at my imprudences--as for instance when I almost +killed myself by taking too strong a sleeping draught--(_vous êtes +imprudent, c'est de votre âge_). He sometimes reproached me with not +jotting down every day, as he did, whatever had struck me; he talked to +me about his work, about the projected Essay on Schiller that came to +nothing on account of the war, of his _Notes sur l'Angleterre_, which +he wrote in a little out-of-the-way summer-house containing nothing +save the four bare whitewashed walls, but a little table and a chair. +He introduced into the book a few details that I had mentioned to him +after my stay in England. + +When we walked in the garden at his country-house at Châtenay, he +sometimes flung his arm round my neck--an act which roused great +astonishment in the Frenchmen present, who could scarcely believe their +eyes. They knew how reserved he usually was. + +It quite irritated Taine that the Danish Minister did nothing for me, +and introduced me nowhere, although he had had to procure me a free +pass to the theatre. Again and again he reverted to this, though I had +never mentioned either the Minister or the Legation to him. But the +revolutionary blood in him was excited at what he regarded as a slight +to intellectual aristocracy. "What do you call a man like that? A +Junker?" I said no. "Never mind! it is all the same. One feels that in +your country you have had no revolution like ours, and know nothing +about equality. A fellow like that, who has not made himself known in +any way whatever, looks down on you as unworthy to sit at his table and +does not move a finger on your behalf, although that is what he is +there for. When I am abroad, they come at once from the French Embassy +to visit me, and open to me every house to which they have admittance. +I am a person of very small importance in comparison with Benedetti, +but Benedetti comes to see me as often as I will receive him. We have +no lording of it here." + +These outbursts startled me, first, because I had never in the least +expected or even wished either to be received by the Danish Minister or +to be helped by him; secondly, because it revealed to me a wide +difference between the point of view in the Romance countries, in +France especially, and that in the North. In Denmark, I had never had +the entrée to Court or to aristocratic circles, nor have I ever +acquired it since, though, for that matter, I have not missed it in the +least. But in the Romance countries, where the aristocratic world still +occasionally possesses some wit and education, it is taken as a matter +of course that talent is a patent of nobility, and, to the man who has +won himself a name, all doors are open, indeed, people vie with one +another to secure him. That a caste division like that in the North was +quite unknown there, I thus learnt for the first time. + + +IV. + +Through Taine, I very soon made the acquaintance of Renan, whose +personality impressed me very much, grand and free of mind as he was, +without a trace of the unctuousness that one occasionally meets in his +books, yet superior to the verge of paradox. + +He was very inaccessible, and obstinately refused to see people. But if +he were expecting you, he would spare you several hours of his valuable +time. + +His house was furnished with exceeding simplicity. On one wall of his +study hung two Chinese water-colours and a photograph of Gérôme's +_Cleopatra before Caesar_; on the opposite wall, a very beautiful +photograph of what was doubtless an Italian picture of the Last Day. +That was all the ornamentation. On his table, there always lay a Virgil +and a Horace in a pocket edition, and for a long time a French +translation of Sir Walter Scott. + +What surprised me most in Renan's bearing was that there was nothing +solemn about it and absolutely nothing sentimental. He impressed one as +being exceptionally clever and a man that the opposition he had met +with had left as it found him. He enquired about the state of things in +the North. When I spoke, without reserve, of the slight prospect that +existed of my coming to the front with my opinions, he maintained that +victory was sure. (_Vous l'emporterez! vous l'emporterez_!) Like all +foreigners, he marvelled that the three Scandinavian countries did not +try to unite, or at any rate to form an indissoluble Union. In the time +of Gustavus Adolphus, he said, they had been of some political +importance; since then they had retired completely from the historical +stage. The reason for it must very probably be sought for in their +insane internecine feuds. + +Renan used to live, at that time, from the Spring onwards, at his house +in the country, at Sèvres. So utterly unaffected was the world-renowned +man, then already forty-seven years of age, that he often walked from +his house to the station with me, and wandered up and down the platform +till the train came. + +His wife, who shared his thoughts and worshipped him, had chosen her +husband herself, and, being of German family, had not been married +after the French manner; still, she did not criticise it, as she +thought it was perhaps adapted to the French people, and she had seen +among her intimate acquaintances many happy marriages entered into for +reasons of convenience. They had two children, a son, Ary, who died in +1900 after having made a name for himself as a painter, and written +beautiful poems (which, however, were only published after his death), +and a daughter, Noémi (Madame Psichari) who, faithfully preserving the +intellectual heritage she has received from her great father, has +become one of the centres of highest Paris, a soul of fire, who fights +for Justice and Truth and social ideas with burning enthusiasm. + + +V. + +A source of very much pleasure to me was my acquaintance with the old +author and Collège de France Professor, Philarète Chasles. Grégoire +introduced me to him and I gradually became at home, as it were, in his +house, was always a welcome visitor, and was constantly invited there. +In his old age he was not a man to be taken very seriously, being +diffusive, vague and vain. But there was no one else so communicative, +few so entertaining, and for the space of fifty years he had known +everybody who had been of any mark in France. He was born in 1798; his +father, who was a Jacobin and had been a member of the Convention, did +not have him baptised, but brought him up to believe in Truth, (hence +the name Philarète,) and apprenticed him to a printer. At the +Restoration of the Royal Family, he was imprisoned, together with his +father, but released through the influence of Chateaubriand; he then +went to England, where he remained for full seven years (1819-1826), +working as a typographer, and made a careful study of English +literature, then almost unknown in France. After having spent some +further time in Germany, he returned to Paris and published a number of +historical and critical writings. + +Philarète Chasles, as librarian to the Mazarin Library, had his +apartments in the building itself, that is, in the very centre of +Paris; in the Summer he lived in the country at Meudon, where he had +had his veranda decorated with pictures of Pompeian mosaic. He was +having a handsome new house with a tower built near by. He needed room, +for he had a library of 40,000 volumes. + +His niece kept house for him; she was married to a German from Cologne, +Schulz by name, who was a painter on glass. The pair lived apart. +Madame Schulz was pretty, caustic, spiteful, and blunt. Her daughter, +the fourteen-year-old Nanni, was enchantingly lovely, as developed and +mischievous as a girl of eighteen. Everyone who came to the house was +charmed with her, and it was always full of guests, young students from +Alsace and Provence, young negroes from Hayti, young ladies from +Jerusalem, and poetesses who would have liked to read their poems aloud +and would have liked still better to induce Chasles to make them known +by an article. + +Chasles chatted with everyone, frequently addressing his conversation +to me, talking incessantly about the very men and women that I most +cared to hear about, of those still living whom I most admired, such as +George Sand, and Mérimée, and, in fact, of all the many celebrities he +had known. As a young man, he had been taken to the house of Madame +Récamier, and had there seen Chateaubriand, an honoured and adored old +man, and Sainte-Beuve an eager and attentive listener, somewhat +overlooked on account of his ugliness, in whom there was developing +that lurking envy of the great, and of those women clustered round, +which he ought to have combatted, to produce just criticism. + +Chasles had known personally Michelet and Guizot, the elder Dumas and +Beyle, Cousin and Villemain, Musset and Balzac; he knew the Comtesse +d'Agoult, for so many years the friend of Liszt, and Madame Colet, the +mistress, first of Cousin, then of Musset, and finally of Flaubert, of +whom my French uncle, who had met her on his travels, had drawn me a +very unattractive picture. Chasles was on terms of daily intimacy with +Jules Sandeau; even as an old man he could not forget George Sand, who +had filched the greater part of his name and made it more illustrious +than the whole became. Sandeau loved her still, forty years after she +had left him. + +Chasles was able, in a few words, to conjure up very vividly the images +of the persons he was describing to his listener, and his anecdotes +about them were inexhaustible. He took me behind the scenes of +literature and I saw the stage from all its sides. The personal history +of his contemporaries was, it is quite true, more particularly its +chronicle of scandals, but his information completed for me the severe +and graceful restraint of all Taine said. And side by side with his +inclination for gay and malicious gossip, Chasles had a way of +sketching out great synopses of intellectual history, which made one +realise, as one reflected,' the progress of development of the +literatures with which one was familiar. Those were pleasant evenings, +those moonlight Spring evenings in the open veranda out there at +Meudon, when the old man with the sharp-pointed beard and the little +skull-cap on one side of his head, was spokesman. He had the aptest and +most amusing way of putting things. For instance, to my question as to +whether Guizot had really been as austere by nature as he was in +manner, he replied: "It is hard to say; when one wishes to impress, one +cannot behave like a harlequin." + +Although I had a keen enough eye for Philarète Chasles' weaknesses, I +felt exceedingly happy in his house. There I could obtain without +difficulty the information I wished for, and have the feeling of being +thoroughly "in Paris." Paris was and still is the only city in the +world that is and wishes to be the capital not only of its own country +but of Europe; the only one that takes upon itself as a duty, not +merely to meet the visitor half-way by opening museums, collections, +buildings, to him, but the only one where people habitually, in +conversation, initiate the foreigner in search of knowledge into the +ancient, deep culture of the nation, so that its position with regard +to that of other races and countries is made clear to one. + + +VI. + +I had not let a single day elapse before I took my seat again in the +_Théâtre Français_, to which I had free admission for an indefinite +period. The first time I arrived, the doorkeeper at the theatre merely +called the sub-officials together; they looked at me, noted my +appearance, and for the future I might take my seat wherever I liked, +when the man at the entrance had called out his _Entrée_. They were +anything but particular, and in the middle of the Summer, after a visit +of a month to London, I found my seat reserved for me as before. + +The first evening after my arrival, I sat, quietly enjoying _Hernani_ +(the lyric beauty of which always rejoiced my heart), with Mounet-Sully +in the leading rôle, Bressant as Charles V, and as Doña Sol, Mlle. +Lloyd, a minor actress, who, however, at the conclusion of the piece, +rose to the level of the poetry. The audience were so much in sympathy +with the spirit of the piece that a voice from the gallery shouted +indignantly: "_Le roi est un lâche!_" Afterwards, during the same +evening, I saw, in a transport of delight, Mme. de Girardin's charming +little piece, _La Joie fait Peur_. A certain family believe that their +son, who is a young naval officer, fallen in the far East, has been +cruelly put to death. He comes back, unannounced, to his broken-hearted +mother, his despairing bride, his sister, and an old man-servant. This +old, bent, faithful retainer, a stock dramatic part, was played by +Régnier with the consummate art that is Nature itself staged. He has +hidden the returned son behind a curtain for fear that his mother, +seeing him unexpectedly, should die of joy. The sister comes in. +Humming, the servant begins to dust, to prevent her going near the +curtain; but unconsciously, in his delight, his humming grows louder +and louder, until, in a hymn of jubilation, tratara-tratara! he flings +the broom up over his head, then stops short suddenly, noticing that +the poor child is standing there, mute with astonishment, not knowing +what to think. Capital, too, was the acting of a now forgotten actress, +Mlle. Dubois, who played the young girl. Her exclamation, as she +suddenly sees her brother, "_Je n'ai pas peur, va_!" was uttered so +lightly and gaily, that all the people round me, and I myself, too, +burst into tears. + +I was much impressed by Edmond Thierry, then director of the _Théâtre +Français_. I thought him the most refined man I had so far met, +possessed of all the old French courtesy, which seemed to have died out +in Paris. A conversation with him was a regular course in Dramaturgy, +and although a young foreigner like myself must necessarily have been +troublesome to him, he let nothing of this be perceptible. I was so +charmed by him that nearly two years later I introduced a few +unimportant words of his about Molière's _Misanthrope_ into my lectures +on the first part of _Main Currents in European Literature_, simply for +the pleasure of mentioning his name. + +It was, moreover, a very pleasant thing to pay him a visit, even when +he was interrupted. For actors streamed in and out of his house. One +day, for instance, the lovely Agar burst into the room to tell her tale +of woe, being dissatisfied with the dress that she was to wear in a new +part. I saw her frequently again when war had been declared, for she it +was who, every evening, with overpowering force and art, sang the +_Marseillaise_ from before the footlights. + +The theatrical performances were a delight to me. I had been charmed as +much only by Michael Wiehe and Johanne Luise Heiberg in my salad days +when they played together in Hertz's _Ninon_. But my artistic enjoyment +went deeper here, for the character portrayal was very much more true +to life. The best impressions I had brought with me of Danish art were +supremely romantic, Michael Wiehe as Henrik in _The Fairies_, as the +Chevalier in _Ninon_, as Mortimer in Schiller's _Mary Stuart_. But this +was the real, living thing. + +One evening I saw _Ristori_ play the sleep-walking scene in Macbeth +with thrilling earnestness and supreme virtuosity. You felt horror to +the very marrow of your bones, and your eyes filled with tears of +emotion and anxiety. Masterly was the regular breathing that indicated +slumber, and the stiff fingers when she washed her hands and smelt them +to see if there were blood upon them. But Mme. Favart, who with +artistic self-restraint co-ordinated herself into the whole, without +any virtuosity at all, produced no less an effect upon me. As the +leading character in Feuillet's _Julie_, she was perfection itself; +when I saw her, it seemed to me as though no one at home in Denmark had +any idea of what feminine characterisation was. What had been taken for +such (Heiberg's art, for instance,) only seemed like a graceful and +brilliant convention, that fell to pieces by the side of this. + +The performances at the _Théâtre Français_ lasted longer than they do +now. In one evening you could see Gozlan's _Tempête dans un verre +d'Eau_, Augier's _Gabrielle_, and Banville's _Gringoire_. When I had +seen Mme. Favart and Régnier in _Gabrielle_, Lafontaine as Louis XI, +his wife as Loyse, Mlle. Ponsin as Nicole, and Coquelin, at that time +still young and fresh, as Gringoire, I felt that I had enjoyed one of +the greatest and most elevating pleasures the world had to offer. I +went home, enraptured and enthusiastic, as much edified as the believer +returning from his church. I could see _Gringoire_ a dozen times in +succession and find only one expression for what I felt: "This is holy." + +The piece appealed to me so much, no doubt, because it was more in +agreement than the rest with what in Denmark was considered true +poetry. But during the three years since I had last seen him, Coquelin +had made immense strides in this rôle. He rendered it now with an +individuality, a heartfelt sincerity and charm, that he had not +previously attained; in contrast to harsh King Louis and unfeeling +Loyse, was so poor, and hungry, and ill and merry and tender and such a +hero and such a genius--that I said to myself: "Who, ever has seen +this, has lived." + +Quite a short while after my arrival--April 12, 1870--I saw for the +first time Sarah Bernhardt, who had just begun to make a name at the +Odéon. She was playing in George Sand's beautiful and mutinous drama +_L'autre_, from which the great-grandmother in Björnson's _Leonarda_ is +derived. The piece is a plea for the freedom of love, or rather, for +indulgence with regard to what are branded by society as the sins of +love. Sarah Bernhardt was the young girl who, in her innocence, judges +all moral irregularities with the utmost severity, until her eyes are +opened to what the world really is. She is, without knowing it, the +child of unlawful love, and the father's curse is that of not daring to +be anything to his child--whom he has educated and over whom he +watches--not daring to claim his right to her affection, as he would +otherwise stain her mother's memory. In his presence, the young girl +utters all the hard words that society has for those who break her +laws; she calls her unknown father false and forsworn. George Sand has +collected all the justified protests and every prejudice for this young +girl to utter, because in her they inspire most respect, and are to +their best advantage.--So far her father has not revealed himself. Then +at last it dawns upon her that it is he, her benefactor, who is the +_other one_ whom she has just condemned, and as the curtain falls she +flings herself, melted, into his arms. + +Sarah played the part with great modesty, with what one might assume to +be the natural melancholy of the orphan, and the enthusiasm of the +young virgin for strict justice, and yet in such wise that, through all +the coldness, through the expressive uncertainty of her words, and +especially through the lovely, rich ring of her voice, one suspected +tenderness and mildness long held back. + + +VII. + +I tried, while I was in Paris, to understand something of the +development of French literature since the beginning of the century, to +arrange it in stages, and note the order of their succession; I wanted, +at the same time, to form for myself a similar general view of Danish +literature, and institute parallels between the two, being convinced +beforehand that the spirit of the age must be approximately the same in +two European countries that were, so to speak, intellectually allied. +This was my first naïve attempt to trace The Main Currents in +Nineteenth Century Literature. + +The French poetry of the nineteenth century seemed to me to fall into +three groups: Romanticism, the School of Common Sense, the Realistic +Art. I defined them as follows: + +I. What the French call _Romanticism_ has many distinguishing marks. It +is, firstly, a _break with Graeco-Roman antiquity_. It therefore harks +back to the Gallic, and to the Middle Ages. It is a resurrection of the +poets of the sixteenth century. But the attempt is a failure, for +Ronsard and the Pleiad [Footnote: The poets who formed the first and +greater Pleiad were, besides Ronsard, Dubellay, Remi, Belleau, Jodelle, +Dorat, Baif and Pontus de Thiard.] are also Greek-taught, are +Anacreontics. If we except the _Chanson de Roland_, there is no +original mediaeval literature that can be compared with the Icelandic. +For that reason the choice of subjects is extended from the Middle Ages +in France to the Middle Ages in other countries, for instance, Germany, +whence Victor Hugo derives his drama _Les Burgraves_. The poets select +foreign matter, Alfred de Vigny treats Chatterton and Musset Italian +and Spanish themes. Mérimée harks back to the French Middle Ages (The +Peasant Rising), but as he there finds too little originality, he +flees, as a poet, to less civilised nationalities, Spaniards, South +Americans, Corsicans, Russians, etc. Romanticism becomes ethnographical. + +Its second distinguishing mark is _tempestuous violence_. It is +connected with the 1830 revolution. It attacks society and the +conditions of property (Saint Simon, Fourier, Proudhon), attacks +marriage and the official verdict upon sexual relations (Dumas) Antony +Rousseau's old doctrine that Nature is good, the natural state the +right one, and that society alone has spoilt everything. George Sand in +particular worships Rousseau, and writes in essential agreement with +him. + +In the later French literature the influence of Voltaire and that of +Rousseau are alternately supreme. Voltaire rules until 1820, Rousseau +again until 1850, then Voltaire takes the reins once more with About, +Taine, and Sarcey. In Renan Voltaire is merged with Rousseau, and now, +later still, Diderot has taken the place of both. + +II. The _School of Common Sense_ (_l'école de bon sens_) follows upon +Romanticism. As the latter worshipped passion, so the School of Common +Sense pays homage to sound human intelligence. In certain individuals +it is possible to trace the transition--Musset's _Un Caprice_ in +contrast with the wanton works of his youth. George Sand's village +novels, in contrast with her novels on Marriage. The popular tone and +the landscape drawing here, which, for that matter, are all derived +from Rousseau, lead on into a tranquil idyl. Works like Ponsard's +_Lucrèce_ and Augier's _Gabrielle_ show the reaction from Romanticism. +In the tragedy it is Lucrèce, in the modern play, Gabrielle, upon whom +the action hinges. In Ponsard and Augier common sense, strict justice, +and a conventional feeling of honour, are acclaimed. Marriage is +glorified in all of Ponsard, Augier and Octave Feuillet's dramas. +Literature has no doubt been influenced in some degree by the ruling +orders of the monarchy of July. Louis Philippe was the bourgeois King. +An author like Scribe, who dominates the stages of Europe, is animated +by the all-powerful bourgeois spirit, educated and circumscribed as it +was. Cousin, in his first manner, revolutionary Schellingism, +corresponded to romanticism; his eclecticism as a moralising +philosopher corresponds to the School of Common Sense. The distinctive +feature which they have in common becomes a so-called Idealism. Ponsard +revives the classical traditions of the seventeenth century. In +criticism this endeavour in the direction of the sensible and the +classical, is represented by Nisard, Planche, and Sainte-Beuve in his +second manner. + +III. The third tendency of the century Is _Realistic Art_, with +physiological characteristics. It finds its support in positivist +philosophy; Herbart in Germany, Bentham and Mill in England, Comte and +Littré in France. In criticism, Sainte-Beuve's third manner. On the +stage, the younger Dumas. In novels, the brothers Goncourt, and +Flaubert. In Art, a certain brutality in the choice of subject, _Gérôme +and Régnault_. In politics, the accomplished fact (_le fait accompli_), +the Empire, the brutal pressure from above and general levelling by +universal suffrage from below. In lyric poetry, the strictly technical +artists of form of the _Parnasse_, Coppée, who describes unvarnished +reality, and the master workmen (_les maîtres de la facture_), Leconte +Delisle, Gautier and his pupils, who write better verse than Lamartine +and Hugo, but have no new thoughts or feelings--the poetic language +materialists. + +In conclusion, a great many indistinct beginnings, of which it is as +yet impossible to say whither they are tending. + +This, my first attempt to formulate for myself a general survey of one +of the great literatures of the nineteenth century, contained much that +was true enough, but revealed very plainly the beginner's lack of +ability to estimate the importance of phenomena, an inclination to +over-estimate purely evanescent apparitions, and a tendency to include +that which was merely externally similar, under one heading. The +insignificant School of Common Sense could not by any means be regarded +as marking an epoch. Neither, with any justice, could men like Augier +and Dumas be placed in different groups. The attempt to point out +realism in the lyric art was likewise exceedingly audacious. + +However, this division and grouping seemed to me at that time to be a +great discovery, and great was my disappointment when one day I +consulted Chasles on the subject and he thought it too forced, and +another day submitted it to Renan, who restricted himself to the reply: + +"No! no! Things do not proceed so systematically!" + +As this survey of the literature of France was also intended to guide +me with regard to the Danish, I groped my way forward in the following +manner: + +I. _Romanticism_. Oehlenschläger's attitude towards the past +corresponds exactly to Victor Hugo's; only that the resurrection of the +Middle Ages in poetry is much more successful (_Earl Hakon, The Gods of +the North_), by reason of the fresh originality in Snorre and the +_Edda_. Grundtvig's _Scenes from the Lives of the Warriors of the +North_ likewise owes all its value to the Edda and the Sagas. +Oehlenschläger's _Aladdin_ is the Northern pendant to Hugo's _Les +Orientales_. Gautier, as a poet, Delacroix as a painter, affect the +East, as Oehlenschläger does in _Ali and Gulhyndi_. Steffens and +Sibbern, as influenced by Schelling, correspond to Cousin. Hauch not +infrequently seeks his poetic themes in Germany, as do Nodier and +Gérard de Nerval. Ingemann's weak historical novels correspond to the +French imitations of Sir Walter Scott (Alfred de Vigny's _Cinq-Mars_, +Dumas' _Musketeers_). Oehlenschläger's tragedies correspond to the +dramas of Victor Hugo. With the Danes, as with the French, hatred of +intelligence, as cold; only that the Danes glorify imagination and +enthusiasm, the French, passion. Romanticism lasts in Denmark (without +Revolutions and Restorations) until about 1848, as in France. + +II. The _School of Common Sense_ is in Denmark partly a worship of the +sound sense of the people, partly a moralising tendency. Grundtvig, +with his popular manner, his appreciation of the unsophisticated +peasant nature, had points of contact with the pupils of Rousseau. +Moralising works are Heiberg's _A Soul after Death_, Paludan-Müller's +_Adam Homo_, and Kierkegaard's _Either-Or_. The funny thing about the +defence of marriage contained in this last book is that it defends what +no one in Denmark attacks. It can only be understood from the +contemporary movement in the intellectual life of Europe, which is now +asserting the universal validity of morality, as it formerly did the +right of passion. Its defence of Protestantism corresponds to Octave +Feuillet's defence of Catholicism, only that Feuillet is conciliatory, +Kierkegaard vehement. Björnson's peasant novels, which are a +continuation of Grundtvig and Blicher, are, by their harmony and their +peaceable relations to all that is, an outcome of love of common sense; +they have the same anti-Byronic stamp as the School of Common Sense. +The movement comes to us ten years later. But Björnson has +simultaneously something of Romanticism and something of Realism. We +have not men to place separately in the various frames. + +III. _Realistic Art_. There is so far only an attempt at a realistic +art. + +Thus, in Björnson's _Arne_ and _Sigurd Slembe_. Note also an attempt in +Bergsöe's clumsy use of realistic features, and in his seeking after +effect. Richardt corresponds in our lyric art as an artist in language +to the poets of the _Parnasse_, while Heiberg's philosophy and most of +his poetry may be included in the School of Common Sense. Bröchner's +_Ideal Realism_ forms the transitional stage to the philosophy of +Reality. Ibsen's attack upon the existing state of things corresponds +to realism in the French drama. He is Dumas on Northern soil. In the +_Love Comedy_, as a scoffer he is inharmonious. In _Peer Gynt_, he +continues in the moralising tendency with an inclination to coarse and +brutal realistic effects (relations with Anitra). + +In Germany we find ourselves at the second stage still, sinking deeper +and deeper into dialect and popular subjects (from Auerbach to Claus +Groth and Fritz Reuter). + +It is unnecessary to point out to readers of the present day how +incomplete and arbitrary this attempt at a dissection of Danish +literature was. I started from the conviction that modern intellectual +life in Europe, in different countries, must necessarily in all +essentials traverse the same stages, and as I was able to find various +unimportant points of similarity in support of this view, I quite +overlooked the fact that the counterbalancing weight of dissimilarities +rendered the whole comparison futile. + + +IX. + +As, during my first stay in Paris, I had frequently visited Madame +Victorine, the widow of my deceased uncle, and her children, very +cordial relations had since existed between us, especially after my +uncle's faithless friend had been compelled to disgorge the sums sent +from Denmark for her support, which he had so high-handedly kept back. +There were only faint traces left of the great beauty that had once +been hers; life had dealt hardly with her. She was good and +tender-hearted, an affectionate mother, but without other education +than was usual in the Parisian small bourgeois class to which she +belonged. All her opinions, her ideas of honour, of propriety, of +comfort and happiness, were typical of her class. + +Partly from economy, partly from a desire not to waste the precious +time, I often, in those days, restricted my midday meal. I would buy +myself, at a provision dealer's, a large veal or ham pie and eat it in +my room, instead of going out to a restaurant. One day Victorine +surprised me at a meal of this sort, and exclaimed horrified: +_"Comment? vous vous nourrissez si mal!"_ To her, it was about the same +as if I had not had any dinner at all. To sit at home without a cloth +on the table, and cut a pie in pieces with a paper knife, was to sink +one's dignity and drop to poor man's fare. + +Her thoughts, like those of most poor people in France and elsewhere, +centred mostly on money and money anxieties, on getting on well in the +world, or meeting with adversity, and on how much this man or the other +could earn, or not earn, in the year. Her eldest son was in St. +Petersburg, and he was doing right well; he was good and kind and sent +his mother help when he had a little to spare. He had promised, too, to +take charge of his next brother. But she had much anxiety about the +little ones. One of them was not turning out all that he should be, and +there were the two youngest to educate. + +There was a charming celebration in the poor home when little Emma went +to her first communion, dressed all in white, from head to foot, with a +long white veil and white shoes, and several other little girls and +boys came just as smartly dressed, and presents were given and good +wishes offered. Little Henri looked more innocent than any of the +little girls. + +Victorine had a friend whom she deemed most happy; this was Jules +Clarétie's mother, for, young though her son was, he wrote in the +papers, wrote books, too, and earned money, so that he was able to +maintain his mother altogether. He was a young man who ought to be held +in high estimation, an author who was all that he should be. There was +another author whom she detested, and that was P.L. Möller, the Dane: + +"Jacques, as you know, was always a faithful friend of Monsieur Möller; +he copied out a whole book for him, [Footnote: _The Modern Drama in +France and Denmark_, which won the University Gold Medal for Möller.] +when he himself was very busy. But then when Jacques died--_pauvre +homme!_--he came and paid visits much too often and always at more and +more extraordinary times, so that I was obliged to forbid him the +house." + + +X. + +In a students' hotel near the Odéon, where a few Scandinavians lived, I +became acquainted with two or three young lawyers and more young abbés +and priests. If you went in when the company were at table in the +dining room, the place rang again with their noisy altercations. The +advocates discussed politics, literature and religion with such ardour +that the air positively crackled. They were apparently practising to +speak one day at the Bar or in the Chamber. It was from surroundings +such as these that Gambetta emerged. + +The young abbés and priests were very good fellows, earnest believers, +but so simple that conversations with them were only interesting +because of their ignorance and lack of understanding. Scandinavians in +Paris who knew only Roman Catholic priests from _Tartufe_ at the +theatre, had very incorrect conceptions regarding them. Bressant was +the cold, elegant hypocrite, Lafontaine the base, coarse, but powerful +cleric, Leroux the full-blooded, red-faced, voluptuary with fat cheeks +and shaking hands, whose expression was now angry, now sickly sweet. +Northern Protestants were very apt to classify the black-coated men +whom they saw in the streets and in the churches, as belonging to one +of these three types. But my ecclesiastical acquaintances were as free +from hypocrisy as from fanaticism. They were good, honest children of +the commonalty, with, not the cunning, but the stupidity, of peasants. + +Many a day I spent exploring the surroundings of Paris in their +company. We went to St. Cloud and Sèvres, to Versailles and St. +Germain, to Saint Denis, to Montmorency and Enghien, or to Monthléry, a +village with an old tower from the thirteenth century, and then +breakfasted at Longjumeau, celebrated for its postillion. There Abbé +Leboulleux declared himself opposed to cremation, for the reason that +it rendered the resurrection impossible, since God himself could not +collect the bones again when the body had been burnt. It was all so +amiable that one did not like to contradict him. At the same meal +another was giving a sketch of the youth of Martin Luther; he left the +church--_on se demande encore pourquoi_. In the innocence of his heart +this abbé regarded the rebellion of Luther less as an unpermissible +than as an inexplicable act. + + +XI. + +The society of the Italian friends of my first visit gave me much +pleasure. My first call at the Pagellas' was a blank; at the next, I +was received like a son of the house and heaped with reproaches for not +having left my address; they had tried to find me at my former hotel, +and endeavoured in vain to learn where I was staying from Scandinavians +whom they knew by name; now I was to spend all the time I could with +them, as I used to do in the old days. They were delighted to see me +again, and when I wished to leave, drove me home in their carriage. I +resumed my former habit of spending the greater part of my spare time +with Southerners; once more I was transported to Southern Europe and +South America. The very first day I dined at their house I met a jovial +old Spaniard, a young Italian, who was settled in Egypt, and a very +coquettish young Brazilian girl. The Spaniard, who had been born in +Venezuela, was an engineer who had studied conditions in Panama for +eleven years, and had a plan for the cutting of the isthmus. He talked +a great deal about the project, which Lesseps took up many years +afterwards. + +Pagella, too, was busy with practical plans, setting himself technical +problems, and solving them. Thus he had discovered a new method of +constructing railway carriages on springs, with a mechanism to prevent +collisions. He christened this the _Virginie-ressort_, after his wife, +and had had offers for it from the Russian government. + +An Italian engineer, named Casellini, who had carried out the +construction for him, was one of the many bold adventurers that one met +with among the Southerners in Paris. He had been sent to Spain the year +before by Napoleon III to direct the counter-revolution there. Being an +engineer, he knew the whole country, and had been in constant +communication with Queen Isabella and the Spanish Court in Paris. He +gave illuminating accounts of Spanish corruptibility. He had bribed the +telegraph officials in the South of Spain, where he was, and saw all +political telegrams before the Governor of the place. In Malaga, where +he was leading the movement against the Government, he very narrowly +escaped being shot; he had been arrested, his despatches intercepted +and 1,500 rifles seized, but he bribed the officials to allow him to +make selection from the despatches and destroy those that committed +him. In Madrid he had had an audience of Serrano, after this latter had +forbidden the transmission from the town of any telegrams that were not +government telegrams; he had taken with him a telegram drawn up by the +French party, which sounded like an ordinary business letter, and +secured its being sent off together with the government despatches. +Casellini had wished to pay for the telegram, but Serrano had dismissed +the suggestion with a wave of his hand, rung a bell and given the +telegram to a servant. It was just as in Scribe's _Queen Marguerite's +Novels_, the commission was executed by the enemy himself. + +Such romantic adventures did not seem to be rare in Spain. Prim himself +had told the Pagellas how at the time of the failure of the first +insurrection he had always, in his flight, (in spite of his defective +education, he was more magnanimous and noble-minded than any king), +provided for the soldiers who were sent out after him, ordered food and +drink for them in every inn he vacated, and paid for everything +beforehand, whereas the Government let their poor soldiers starve as +soon as they were eight or ten miles from Madrid. + +I often met a very queer, distinguished looking old Spaniard named Don +José Guell y Rente, who had been married to a sister of King Francis, +the husband of King Isabella, but had been separated from her after, as +he declared, she had tried to cut his throat. As witness to his +connubial difficulties, he showed a large scar across his throat. He +was well-read and, amongst other things, enthusiastically admired +Scandinavian literature because it had produced the world's greatest +poet, Ossian, with whom he had become acquainted in Cesarotti's Italian +translation. It was useless to attempt to explain to him the difference +between Scandinavia and Scotland. They are both in the North, he would +reply. + + +XII. + +A young American named Olcott, who visited Chasles and occasionally +looked me up, brought with him a breath from the universities of the +great North American Republic. A young German, Dr. Goldschmidt, a +distinguished Sanscrit scholar, a man of more means than I, who had a +pretty flat with a view over the Place du Châtelet, and dined at good +restaurants, came, as it were, athwart the many impressions I had +received of Romance nature and Romance intellectual life, with his +violent German national feeling and his thorough knowledge. As early as +the Spring, he believed there would be war between Germany and France +and wished in that event to be a soldier, as all other German students, +so he declared, passionately wished. He was a powerfully built, +energetic, well-informed man of the world, with something of the rich +man's habit of command. He seemed destined to long life and quite able +to stand fatigue. Nevertheless, his life was short. He went through the +whole of the war in France without a scratch, after the conclusion of +peace was appointed professor of Sanscrit at the University of +conquered Strasburg, but died of illness shortly afterwards. + +A striking contrast to his reticent nature was afforded by the young +Frenchmen of the same age whom I often met. A very rich and very +enthusiastic young man, Marc de Rossiény, was a kind of leader to them; +he had 200,000 francs a year, and with this money had founded a weekly +publication called "_L'Impartial_," as a common organ for the students +of Brussels and Paris. The paper's name, _L'Impartial_, must be +understood in the sense that it admitted the expression of every +opinion with the exception of defence of so-called revealed religion. +The editorial staff was positivist, Michelet and Chasles were patrons +of the paper, and behind the whole stood Victor Hugo as a kind of +honorary director. The weekly preached hatred of the Empire and of +theology, and seemed firmly established, yet was only one of the +hundred ephemeral papers that are born and die every day in the Latin +quarter. When it had been in existence a month, the war broke out and +swept it away, like so many other and greater things. + + +XIII. + +Of course I witnessed all that was accessible to me of Parisian public +life. I fairly often found my way, as I had done in 1866, to the Palais +de Justice to hear the great advocates plead. The man I enjoyed +listening to most was Jules Favre, whose name was soon to be on every +one's lips. The younger generation admired in him the high-principled +and steadfast opponent of the Empire in the Chamber, and he was +regarded as well-nigh the most eloquent man in France. As an advocate, +he was incomparable. His unusual handsomeness,--his beautiful face +under a helmet of grey hair, and his upright carriage,--were great +points in his favour. His eloquence was real, penetrating, convincing, +inasmuch as he piled up fact upon fact, and was at the same time, as +the French manner is, dramatic, with large gesticulations that made his +gown flutter restlessly about him like the wings of a bat. It was a +depressing fact that afterwards, as the Minister opposed to Bismarck, +he was so unequal to his position. + +I was present at the _Théâtre Français_ on the occasion of the +unveiling of Ponsard's bust. To the Romanticists, Ponsard was nothing +less than the ass's jawbone with which the Philistines attempted to +slay Hugo. But Émile Chasles, a son of my old friend, gave a lecture +upon him, and afterwards _Le lion amoureux_ was played, a very +tolerable little piece from the Revolutionary period, in which, for one +thing, Napoleon appears as a young man. There are some very fine +revolutionary tirades in it, of which Princess Mathilde, after its +first representation, said that they made her _Republican_ heart +palpitate. The ceremony in honor of this little anti-pope to Victor +Hugo was quite a pretty one. + +Once, too, I received a ticket for a reception at the French Academy. +The poet Auguste Barbier was being inaugurated and Silvestre de Sacy +welcomed him, in academic fashion, in a fairly indiscreet speech. +Barbier's _Jamber_ was one of the books of poems that I had loved for +years, and I knew many of the strophes by heart, for instance, the +celebrated ones on Freedom and on Napoleon; I had also noticed how +Barbier's vigour had subsided in subsequent collections of poems; in +reality, he was still living on his reputation from the year 1831, and +without a doubt most people believed him to be dead. And now there he +stood, a shrivelled old man in his Palm uniform, his speech revealing +neither satiric power nor lofty intellect. It was undoubtedly owing to +his detestation of Napoleon (_vide_ his poem _L'Idole_) that the +Academy, who were always agitating against the Empire, had now, so late +in the day, cast their eyes upon him. Bald little Silvestre de Sacy, +the tiny son of an important father, reproached him for his verses on +Freedom, as the bold woman of the people who was not afraid to shed +blood. + +"That is not Freedom as I understand it," piped the little man,--and +one believed him,--but could not refrain from murmuring with the poet: + + C'est que la Liberté n'est pas une comtesse + Du noble Faubourg St. Germain, + Une femme qu'un cri fait tomber en faiblesse, + Qui met du blanc et du carmin; + C'est une forte femme. + + +XIV. + +A very instructive resort, even for a layman, was the Record Office, +for there one could run through the whole history of France in the most +entertaining manner with the help of the manuscripts placed on view, +from the most ancient papyrus rolls to the days of parchment and paper. +You saw the documents of the Feudal Lords' and Priests' Conspiracies +under the Merovingians and the Capets, the decree of divorce between +Philip Augustus and Ingeborg, and letters from the most notable +personages of the Middle Ages and the autocracy. The period of the +Revolution and the First Empire came before one with especial +vividness. There was Charlemagne's monogram stencilled in tin, and that +of Robert of Paris, reproduced in the same manner, those of Louis XIV. +and Molière, of Francis the Catholic and Mary Stuart. There were +letters from Robespierre and Danton, requests for money and +death-warrants from the Reign of Terror, Charlotte Corday's last +letters from prison and the original letters of Napoleon from St. +Helena. + +In June I saw the annual races at Longchamps for the first time. Great +was the splendour. From two o'clock in the afternoon to six there was +an uninterrupted stream of carriages, five or six abreast, along the +Champs Elysées; there were thousands of _lorettes_ (as they were called +at that time) in light silk gowns, covered with diamonds and precious +stones, in carriages decorated with flowers. Coachmen and footmen wore +powdered wigs, white or grey, silk stockings and knee-breeches and a +flower in the buttonhole matching the colour of their livery and the +flowers which hung about the horses' ears. Some of the carriages had no +coachman's box or driver, but were harnessed to four horses ridden by +postillions in green satin or scarlet velvet, with white feathers in +their caps. + +The only great _demi-mondaine_ of whom I had hitherto caught a glimpse +was the renowned Madame de Païva, who had a little palace by the side +of the house in which Frölich the painter lived, in the Champs Elysées. +Her connection with Count Henckel v. Donnersmark permitted her to +surround herself with regal magnificence, and, to the indignation of +Princess Mathilde, men like Gautier and Renan, Sainte-Beuve and +Goncourt, Saint-Victor and Taine, sat at her table. The ladies here +were younger and prettier, but socially of lower rank. The gentlemen +went about among the carriages, said _tu_ without any preamble to the +women, and squeezed their hands, while their men-servants sat stolid, +like wood, seeming neither to hear nor see. + +This race-day was the last under the Empire. It is the one described in +Zola's _Nana_. The prize for the third race was 100,000 francs. After +English horses had been victorious for several years in succession, the +prize was carried off in 1870--as in _Nana_--by a native-born horse, +and the jubilation was great; it was a serious satisfaction to national +vanity. + +At that time, the Tuileries were still standing, and I was fond of +walking about the gardens near closing time, when the guard beat the +drums to turn the people out. It was pleasant to hear the rolling of +the drums, which were beaten by two of the Grenadier Guard drummers and +a Turco. Goldschmidt had already written his clever and linguistically +very fine piece of prose about this rolling of the drums and what it +possibly presaged: Napoleon's own expulsion from the Tuileries and the +humiliation of French grandeur before the Prussians, who might one day +come and drum this grandeur out. But Goldschmidt had disfigured the +pretty little piece somewhat by relating that one day when, for an +experiment, he had tried to make his way into the gardens after the +signal for closing had sounded, the Zouave had carelessly levelled his +bayonet at him with the words: _"Ne faites pas des bêtises!"_ This +levelling of the bayonet on such trivial provocation was too +tremendous, so I made up my mind one evening to try myself. The soldier +on guard merely remarked politely: "_Fermé, monsieur, on va sortir._" + +I little dreamed that only a few months later the Empress would steal +secretly out of the palace, having lost her crown, and still less that +only six months afterwards, during the civil war, the Tuileries would +be reduced to ashes, never to rise again. + + +XV. + +At that time the eyes of the Danes were fixed upon France in hope and +expectation that their national resuscitation would come from that +quarter, and they made no distinction between France and the Empire. +Although the shortest visit to Paris was sufficient to convince a +foreigner not only that the personal popularity of the Emperor was long +since at an end, but that the whole government was despised, in Denmark +people did not, and would not, know it. In the Danish paper with the +widest circulation, the Daily Paper, foreign affairs were dealt with by +a man of the name of Prahl, a wildly enthusiastic admirer of the +Empire, a pleasant man and a brainy, but who, on this vital point, +seemed to have blinkers on. From all his numerous foreign papers, he +deduced only the opinions that he held before, and his opinions were +solely influenced by his wishes. He had never had any opportunity of +procuring information at first hand. He said to me one day: + +"I am accused of allowing my views to be influenced by the foreign +diplomatists here, I, who have never spoken to one of them. I can +honestly boast of being unacquainted with even the youngest attaché of +the Portuguese Ministry." His remarks, which sufficiently revealed this +fact, unfortunately struck the keynote of the talk of the political +wiseacres in Denmark. + +Though the Danes were so full of the French, it would be a pity to say +that the latter returned the compliment. It struck me then, as it must +have struck many others, how difficult it was to make people in France +understand that Danes and Norsemen were not Germans. From the roughest +to the most highly educated, they all looked upon it as an understood +thing, and you could not persuade them of anything else. As soon as +they had heard Northerners exchange a few words with each other and had +picked up the frequently recurring _Ja_, they were sufficiently +edified. Even many years after, I caught the most highly cultured +Frenchmen (such as Edmond de Concourt), believing that, at any rate on +the stage, people spoke German in Copenhagen. + +One day in June I began chatting on an omnibus with a corporal of +Grenadiers. When he heard that I was Danish, he remarked: "German, +then." I said: "No." He persisted in his assertion, and asked, +cunningly, what _oui_ was in Danish. When I told him he merely replied, +philosophically, "Ah! then German is the mother tongue." It is true +that when Danes, Norwegians and Swedes met abroad they felt each other +to be compatriots; but this did not prevent them all being classed +together as Germans; that they were not Englishmen, you saw at a +glance. Even when there were several of them together, they had +difficulty in asserting themselves as different and independent; they +were a Germanic race all the same, and people often added, "of +second-class importance," since the race had other more pronounced +representatives. + +The only strong expression of political opinion that was engineered in +France then was the so-called plebiscite of May, 1870; the government +challenged the verdict of the entire male population of France upon the +policy of Napoleon III. during the past eighteen years, and did so with +the intention, strangely enough not perceived by Prime Minister +Ollivier, of re-converting the so-called constitutional Empire which +had been in existence since January 1, 1870, into an autocracy. +Sensible people saw that the plebiscite was only an objectionable +comedy; a favourable reply would be obtained all over the country by +means of pressure on the voters and falsification of votes; the +oppositionist papers showed this up boldly in articles that were sheer +gems of wit. Disturbances were expected in Paris on the 9th of May, and +here and there troops were collected. But the Parisians, who saw +through the farce, remained perfectly indifferent. + +The decision turned out as had been expected; the huge majority in +Paris was _against_, the provincial population voted _for_, the Emperor. + + +XVI. + +On July 5th I saw John Stuart Mill for the first time. He had arrived +in Paris the night before, passing through from Avignon, and paid a +visit to me, unannounced, in my room in the Rue Mazarine; he stayed two +hours and won my affections completely. I was a little ashamed to +receive so great a man in so poor a place, but more proud of his +thinking it worth his while to make my acquaintance. None of the French +savants had ever had an opportunity of conversing with him; a few days +before, Renan had lamented to me that he had never seen him. As Mill +had no personal acquaintances in Paris, I was the only person he called +upon. + +To talk to him was a new experience. The first characteristic that +struck me was that whereas the French writers were all assertive, he +listened attentively to counter-arguments; it was only when his +attitude in the woman question was broached that he would not brook +contradiction and overwhelmed his adversaries with contempt. + +At that time Mill was without any doubt, among Europe's distinguished +men, the greatest admirer of French history and French intellectual +life to be found outside of France; but he was of quite a different +type from the French, even from those I esteemed most highly. The +latter were comprehensive-minded men, bold and weighty, like Taine, or +cold and agile like Renan, but they were men of intellect and thought, +only having no connection with the practical side of life. They were +not adapted to personal action, felt no inclination to direct +interference. + +Mill was different. Although he was more of a thinker than any of them, +his boldness was not of the merely theoretic kind. He wished to +interfere and re-model. None of those Frenchmen lacked firmness; if, +from any consideration, they modified their utterances somewhat, their +fundamental views, at any rate, were formed independently; but their +firmness lay in defence, not in attack; they wished neither to rebuke +nor to instigate; their place was the lecturer's platform, rather than +the tribune. Mill's firmness was of another kind, hard as steel; both +in character and expression he was relentless, and he went to work +aggressively. He was armed, not with a cuirass, but a glaive. + +Thus in him I met, for the first time in my life, a figure who was the +incarnation of the ideal I had drawn for myself of the great man. This +ideal had two sides; talent and character: great capacities and +inflexibility. The men of great reputation whom I had met hitherto, +artists and scientists, were certainly men richly endowed with talents; +but I had never hitherto encountered a personality combining talents +with gifts of character. Shortly before leaving home, I had concluded +the preface to a collection of criticisms with these words: "My +watchword has been: As flexible as possible, when it is a question of +understanding, as inflexible as possible, when it is a question of +speaking," and I had regarded this watchword as more than the motto of +a little literary criticism. Now I had met a grand inflexibility of +ideas in human form, and was impressed for my whole life long. + +Unadapted though I was by nature to practical politics, or in fact to +any activity save that of ideas, I was far from regarding myself as +mere material for a scholar, an entertaining author, a literary +historian, or the like. I thought myself naturally fitted to be a man +of action. But the men of action I had hitherto met had repelled me by +their lack of a leading principle. The so-called practical men at home, +lawyers and parliamentarians, were not men who had made themselves +masters of any fund of new thoughts that they wished to reduce to +practical effect; they were dexterous people, well-informed of +conditions at their elbow, not thinkers, and they only placed an +immediate goal in front of themselves. In Mill I learnt at last to know +a man in whom the power of action, disturbance, and accomplishment were +devoted to the service of modern sociological thought. + +He was then sixty-four years old, but his skin was as fresh and clear +as a child's, his deep blue eyes young. He stammered a little, and +nervous twitches frequently shot over his face; but there was a sublime +nobility about him. + +To prolong the conversation, I offered to accompany him to the Windsor +Hotel, where he was staying, and we walked the distance. As I really +had intended to go over to England at about that time, Mill proposed my +crossing with him. I refused, being afraid of abusing his kindness, but +was invited to visit him frequently when I was in England, which I did +not fail to do. A few days afterwards I was in London. + + +XVII. + +My French acquaintances all said the same thing, when I told them I +wanted to go over to England: "What on earth do you want there?" Though +only a few hours' journey from England, they had never felt the least +curiosity to see the country. "And London! It was said to be a very +dull city; it was certainly not worth putting one's self out to go +there." Or else it was: "If you are going to London, be careful! London +is full of thieves and rascals; look well to your pockets!" + +Only a few days later, the Parisians were shaken out of their calm, +without, however, being shaken out of their self-satisfaction. The Duc +de Grammont's speech on the 6th of July, which amounted to the +statement that France was not going to stand any Hohenzollern on the +throne of Spain, made the people fancy themselves deeply offended by +the King of Prussia, and a current of martial exasperation ran through +the irritable and misled people, who for four years had felt themselves +humiliated by Prussia's strong position. All said and believed that in +a week there would be war, and on both sides everything was so ordered +that there might be. There was still hope that common sense might get +the better of warlike madness in the French Government; but this much +was clear, there was going to be a sudden downfall of everything. + +Between Dover and Calais the waves beat over the ship. From Dover, the +train went at a speed of sixty miles an hour, and made one think him a +great man who invented the locomotive, as great as Aristotle and Plato +together. It seemed to me that John Stuart Mill was that kind of man. +He opened, not roads, but railroads; his books were like iron rails, +unadorned, but useful, leading to their goal. And what will there was +in the English locomotive that drew our train,--like the driving +instinct of England's character! + +Two things struck me on my journey across, a type of mechanical +Protestant religiosity which was new to me, and the knowledge of the +two languages along the coasts. A pleasant English doctor with whom I +got into conversation sat reading steadily in a little Gospel of St. +John that he carried with him, yawning as he read. The seamen on the +ship and the coast dwellers both in England and France spoke English +and French with about equal ease. It is probably the same in all border +countries, but it occurred to me that what came about here quite +naturally will in time be a possibility all over the world, namely, the +mastery of a second and common language, in addition to a people's own. + +I drove into London through a sea of houses. When I had engaged a room, +changed my clothes, and written a letter that I wanted to send off at +once, the eighteen-year-old girl who waited on me informed me that no +letters were accepted on Sundays. As I had some little difficulty in +making out what she said, I supposed she had misunderstood my question +and thought I wanted to speak to the post-official. For I could not +help laughing at the idea that even the letterboxes had to enjoy their +Sabbath rest. But I found she was right. At the post-office, even the +letter-box was shut, as it was Sunday; I was obliged to put my letter +in a pillar-box in the street. + +In Paris the Summer heat had been oppressive. In London, to my +surprise, the weather was fresh and cool, the air as light as it is in +Denmark in Autumn. My first visit was to the Greek and Assyrian +collections in the British Museum. In the Kensington Museum and the +Crystal Palace at Sydenham, I added to my knowledge of Michael Angelo, +to whom I felt drawn by a mighty affection. The admiration for his art +which was to endure undiminished all my life was even then profound. I +early felt that although Michael Angelo had his human weaknesses and +limitations, intellectually and as an artist he is one of the five or +six elect the world has produced, and scarcely any other great man has +made such an impression on my inner life as he. + +In the British Museum I was accosted by a young Dane with whom I had +sometimes ridden out in the days of my riding lessons; this was Carl +Bech, now a landed proprietor, and in his company I saw many of the +sights of London and its environs. He knew more English than I, and +could find his way anywhere. That the English are rigid in their +conventions, he learnt one day to his discomfort; he had put on a pair +of white trousers, and as this was opposed to the usual precedent and +displeased, we were stared at by every man, woman and child we met, as +if the young man had gone out in his underclothing. I had a similar +experience one day as I was walking about the National Gallery with a +young German lady whose acquaintance I had made. An Englishwoman +stopped her in one of the rooms to ask: + +"Was it you who gave up a check parasol downstairs?" and receiving an +answer in the affirmative, she burst out laughing in her face and went +off. + +On July 16th came the great daily-expected news. War was declared, and +in face of this astounding fact and all the possibilities it presented, +people were struck dumb. The effect it had upon me personally was that +I made up my mind to return as soon as possible to France, to watch the +movement there. In London, where Napoleon III. was hated, and in a +measure despised, France was included in the aversion felt for him. +Everywhere, when I was asked on which side my sympathies were, they +broke in at once: "We are all for Prussia." + + +XVIII. + +As often as I could, I took the train to Blackheath to visit John +Stuart Mill. He was good and great, and I felt myself exceedingly +attracted by his greatness. There were fundamental features of his +thought and mode of feeling that coincided with inclinations of my own; +for instance, the Utilitarian theory, as founded by Bentham and his +father and developed by him. I had written in 1868: "What we crave is +no longer to flee from society and reality with our thoughts and +desires. On the contrary, we wish to put our ideas into practice in +society and life. That we may not become a nation of poetasters, we +will simply strive towards actuality, the definite goal of Utility, +which the past generation mocked at. Who would not be glad to be even +so little useful?" + +Thus I found myself mentally in a direction that led me towards Mill, +and through many years' study of Comte and Littré, through an +acquaintance with Mill's correspondence with Comte, I was prepared for +philosophical conversations concerning the fundamental thoughts of +empiric philosophy as opposed to speculative philosophy, conversations +which, on Mill's part, tended to represent my entire University +philosophical education at Copenhagen as valueless and wrong. + +But what drew me the most strongly to Mill was not similarity of +thought, but the feeling of an opposed relationship. All my life I had +been afraid of going further in a direction towards which I inclined. I +had always had a passionate desire to perfect my nature--to make good +my defects. Julius Lange was so much to me because he was so unlike me. +Now I endeavoured to understand Mill's nature and make it my own, +because it was foreign to mine. By so doing I was only obeying an inner +voice that perpetually urged me. When others about me had plunged into +a subject, a language, a period, they continued to wrestle with it to +all eternity, made the thing their speciality. That I had a horror of. +I knew French well; but for fear of losing myself in French literature, +which I could easily illustrate, I was always wrestling with English or +German, which presented greater difficulties to me, but made it +impossible for me to grow narrow. I had the advantage over the European +reading world that I knew the Northern languages, but nothing was +further from my thoughts than to limit myself to opening up Northern +literature to Europe. Thus it came about that when the time in my life +arrived that I felt compelled to settle outside Denmark I chose for my +place of residence Berlin, the city with which I had fewest points in +common, and where I could consequently learn most and develop myself +without one-sidedness. + +Mill's verbally expressed conviction that empiric philosophy was the +only true philosophy, made a stronger impression upon me than any +assertion of the kind that I had met with in printed books. The results +of empiric philosophy seemed to me much more firmly based than those of +the newer German philosophy. At variance with my teachers, I had come +to see that Hume had been right rather than Kant. But I could not +conform to the principle of empiric philosophy. After all, our +knowledge is not ultimately based merely on experience, but on that +which, prior to experience, alone renders experience possible. +Otherwise not even the propositions of Mathematics can be universally +applicable. In spite of my admiration for Mill's philosophical works, I +was obliged to hold to the rationalistic theory of cognition; Mill +obstinately held to the empiric. "Is not a reconciliation between the +two possible?" I said. "I think that one must _choose_ between the +theories," replied Mill. I did not then know Herbert Spencer's +profoundly thoughtful reconciliation of the teachings of the two +opposing schools. He certainly maintains, as does the English school, +that all our ideas have their root in experience, but he urges at the +same time, with the Germans, that there are innate ideas. The conscious +life of the individual, that cannot be understood from the experience +of the individual, becomes explicable from the inherited experience of +the race. Even the intellectual form which is the condition of the +individual's apprehension is gradually made up out of the experience of +the race, and consequently innate without for that reason being +independent of foregoing experiences. But I determined at once, incited +thereto by conversations with Mill, to study, not only his own works, +but the writings of James Mill, Bain, and Herbert Spencer; I would +endeavour to find out how much truth they contained, and introduce this +truth into Denmark. + +I was very much surprised when Mill informed me that he had not read a +line of Hegel, either in the original or in translation, and regarded +the entire Hegelian philosophy as sterile and empty sophistry. I +mentally confronted this with the opinion of the man at the Copenhagen +University who knew the history of philosophy best, my teacher, Hans +Bröchner, who knew, so to speak, nothing of contemporary English and +French philosophy, and did not think them worth studying. I came to the +conclusion that here was a task for one who understood the thinkers of +the two directions, who did not mutually understand one another. + +I thought that in philosophy, too, I knew what I wanted, and saw a road +open in front of me. + +However, I never travelled it. The gift for abstract philosophical +thought which I had possessed as a youth was never developed, but much +like the tendency to verse-making which manifested itself even earlier, +superseded by the historio-critical capacity, which grew strong in me. +At that time I believed in my natural bent for philosophy, and did so +even in July, 1872, when I sketched out and began a large book: "_The +Association of Ideas, conceived and put forward as the fundamental +principle of human knowledge_," but the book was never completed. The +capacity for abstraction was too weak in me. + +Still, if the capacity had no independent development, it had a +subservient effect on all my criticism, and the conversations with Mill +had a fertilising and helpful influence on my subsequent intellectual +life. + + +XIX. + +Some weeks passed in seeing the most important public buildings in +London, revelling in the treasures of her museums and collections, and +in making excursions to places in the neighbourhood and to Oxford. I +was absorbed by St. Paul's, saw it from end to end, and from top to +bottom, stood in the crypt, where Sir Christopher Wren lies +buried,--_Si monumentum requiris, circumspice_--mentally compared +Wellington's burial-place here with that of Napoleon on the other side +of the Channel, then went up to the top of the building and looked out +to every side over London, which I was already so well acquainted with +that I could find my way everywhere alone, take the right omnibuses, +and the right trains by the underground, without once asking my way. I +spent blissful hours in the National Gallery. This choice collection of +paintings, especially the Italian ones, afforded me the intense, +overwhelming delight which poetry, the masterpieces of which I knew +already, could no longer offer me. At the Crystal Palace I was +fascinated by the tree-ferns, as tall as fruit-trees with us, and by +the reproductions of the show buildings of the different countries, an +Egyptian temple, a house from Pompeii, the Lions' den from the +Alhambra. Here, as everywhere, I sought out the Zoological Gardens, +where I lingered longest near the hippopotami, who were as curious to +watch when swimming as when they were on dry land. Their clumsiness was +almost captivating. They reminded me of some of my enemies at home. + +Oxford, with the moss-grown, ivy-covered walls, with all the poetry of +conservatism, fascinated me by its dignity and its country freshness; +there the flower of the English nature was expressed in buildings and +trees. The antiquated and non-popular instruction, however, repelled +me. And the old classics were almost unrecognisable in English guise, +for instance, the anglicised _veni, vidi, vici_, which was quoted by a +student. + +The contrast between the English and the French mind was presented to +me in all its force when I compared Windsor Castle with Versailles. The +former was an old Northern Hall, in which the last act of +Oehlenschläger's _Palnatoke_ would have been well staged. + +I saw all that I could: the Houses of Parliament, Westminster Hall and +Abbey, the Tower and the theatres, the Picture Gallery at Dulwich with +Rembrandt's _Girl at the Window_, the one at Hampton Court, with the +portrait of Loyola ascribed to Titian, sailed down the river to +Greenwich and lingered in the lovely Gardens at Kew, which gave me a +luxuriant impression of English scenery. I also saw the Queen's model +farm. Every animal was as splendid a specimen as if it had been +intended for an agricultural show, the dairy walls were tiled all over. +The bailiff regretted that Prince Albert, who had himself made the +drawings for a special kind of milk containers, had not lived to see +them made. It was not without its comic aspect to hear him inform you +sadly, concerning an old bullock, that the Queen herself had given it +the name of _Prince Albert_. + +For me, accustomed to the gay and grotesque life deployed in an evening +at the dancing-place of the Parisian students in the _Closerie des +lilas_, it was instructive to compare this with a low English +dancing-house, the Holborn Casino, which was merely sad, stiff, and +repulsive. + +Poverty in London was very much more conspicuous than in Paris; it +spread itself out in side streets in the vicinity of the main arteries +in its most pitiable form. Great troops, regular mobs of poor men, +women and children in rags, dispersed like ghosts at dawn, fled away +hurriedly and vanished, as soon as a policeman approached and made sign +to them to pass on. There was nothing corresponding to it to be seen in +Paris. Crime, too, bore a very different aspect here. In Paris, it was +decked out and audacious, but retained a certain dignity; here, in the +evening, in thickly frequented streets, whole swarms of ugly, +wretchedly dressed, half or wholly drunken women could be seen reeling +about, falling, and often lying in the street. + +Both the tendency of the English to isolate themselves and their social +instincts were quite different from those of the French. I was +permitted to see the comfortably furnished Athenaeum Club in Pall Mall, +membership of which was so much desired that people of high standing +would have their names on the list for years beforehand, and these +clubs corresponded to the cafés in Paris, which were open to every +passer-by. I noticed that in the restaurants the tables were often +hidden behind high screens, that the different parties who were dining +might not be able to see one another. + + +XX. + +The house in London where I was happiest was Antonio Gallenga's. A +letter from the Hauchs was my introduction there, and I was received +and taken up by them as if they had known me and liked me for years. + +Antonio Gallenga, then a man of seventy, who nevertheless gave one an +impression of youthfulness, had a most eventful life behind him. He had +been born at Parma, was flung into prison at the age of twenty as a +conspirator under Mazzini, was banished from Piedmont, spent some time +at Malta, in the United States and in England, where he earned his +living as a journalist and teacher of languages, and in 1848 returned +to Italy, where he was active as a liberal politician. After the battle +of Novara, he was again obliged to take refuge in London; but he was +recalled to Piedmont by Cavour, who had him elected deputy for +Castellamonte. He wrote an Italian Grammar in English, and, likewise in +English, the _History of Piedmont_, quarrelled with Mazzini's +adherents, withdrew from parliamentary life, and in preference to +settling down permanently in Italy elected to be war correspondent to +the _Times_. In that capacity he took part from 1859 onwards in the +campaigns in Italy, in the North American States, in Denmark, and in +Spain. His little boy was still wearing the Spanish national costume. +Now he had settled down in London, on the staff of the _Times_, and had +just come into town from the country, as the paper wished him to be +near, on account of the approaching war. Napoleon III., to whom +Gallenga had vowed an inextinguishable hatred, had been studied so +closely by him that the Emperor might be regarded as his specialty. He +used the energetic, violent language of the old revolutionary, was with +all his heart and soul an Italian patriot, but had, through a twenty +years' connection with England, acquired the practical English view of +political affairs. Towards Denmark, where he had been during the most +critical period of the country's history, he felt kindly; but our war +methods had of course not been able to excite his admiration; neither +had our diplomatic negotiations during the war. + +Gallenga was a well-to-do man; he owned a house in the best part of +London and a house in the country as well. He was a powerful man, with +passionate feelings, devoid of vanity. It suited him well that the +_Times_, as the English custom is, printed his articles unsigned; he +was pleased at the increased influence they won thereby, inasmuch as +they appeared as the expression of the universal paper's verdict. His +wife was an Englishwoman, pleasant and well-bred, of cosmopolitan +education and really erudite. Not only did she know the European +languages, but she wrote and spoke Hindustani. She was a splendid +specimen of the English housekeeper, and devoted herself +enthusiastically to her two exceedingly beautiful children, a boy of +eleven and a little girl of nine. The children spoke English, Italian, +French, and German with equal facility and correctness. + +Mrs. Gallenga had a more composite and a deeper nature than her +husband, who doubted neither the truth of his ideas, nor their salutary +power. She shared his and my opinions without sharing our confidence in +them. When she heard me say that I intended to assert my ideas in +Denmark, and wage war against existing prejudices, she would say, in +our long conversations: + +"I am very fond of Denmark; the people there seem to me to be happy, +despite everything, and the country not to be over-populated. In any +case, the population finds ample means of outlet in sea-life and +emigration. Denmark is an idyllic little country. Now you want to +declare war there. My thoughts seek down in dark places, and I ask +myself whether I really believe that truth does any good, whether in my +secret heart I am convinced that strife is better than stagnation? I +admire Oliver Cromwell, but I sympathise with Falkland, who died with +'Peace! Peace!' [Footnote: Sir Lucius Cary, second Viscount Falkland, +who fell at Newbury, Sept. 20, 1643.] on his lips. I am afraid that you +will have to bear a great deal. You will learn that the accoutrements +of truth are a grievously heavy coat of mail. You will call forth +reaction. Even that is the least. But reaction will come about in your +own mind; after a long time, I mean. Still, you are strong; it will be +a reaction of the kind that keeps aloof in order to spring farther and +better. Your unity will not go to pieces. You are a kind of cosmos." + +When the conversation turned upon England and English conditions, she +protested against the opinion prevalent on the continent since Byron's +day, that English society was infested with hypocrisy. + +"I do not think that hypocrisy is characteristic of English thought. We +have, of course, like every serious people, our share of hypocrites; in +a frivolous nation hypocrisy has no pretext for existence. But its +supremacy amongst us is over. Apathetic orthodoxy, and superficial +ideas of the correct thing, ruled England during the first half of the +century. The intellectual position of the country is different now. No +one who has not lived in England has any idea how serious and real the +belief here is in the tough doctrine of the Trinity, who, in human +form, walked about in Galilee. Good men, noble men, live and work for +this dogma, perform acts of love for it. We, you and I, have drunk from +other sources; but for these people it is the fountain of life. Only it +is depressing to see this doctrine in its Roman Catholic form winning +greater power everywhere every day. In Denmark, intellectual stagnation +has hindered it hitherto; you have political, but not yet religious, +freedom. Belgium has both, and Belgium is at the present time the most +fiery Catholic power there is. France is divided between extreme +materialism and Madonna worship. When European thought--between 1820 +and 1860, let us say--rebelled against every kind of orthodoxy, and, as +always happens with rebellion, made mistakes and went too far, France +played a wretched rôle. It is a Celtic land, and Celtic it will remain; +it desires, not personal freedom, but a despotic levelling, not +equality before the law, but the base equality which is inimical to +excellence, not the brotherhood that is brotherly love, but that which +gives the bad the right to share with the good. That is why the Empire +could be victorious in France, and that is why the Roman Catholic +Church, even in its most modern, Byzantine form, is triumphant there." + +So thoroughly English was Anna Gallenga's way of looking at things, in +spite of an education which had included the chief countries in Europe. +So blindly did she share the prejudice that the French are essentially +Celtic. And so harshly did she judge, in spite of a scepticism, +feminine though it was, that was surprising in a woman. + + +XXI. + +Don Juan Prim, Count of Reus, Marques de los Castillejos, would now be +forgotten outside Spain were it not that Régnault's splendid equestrian +picture of him, as he is receiving the homage of the people (on a fiery +steed, reminding one of Velasquez), keeps his memory green in everyone +who visits the Gallery of the Louvre. At that time his name was on +every tongue. The victorious general and revolutionary of many years' +standing had since 1869 been Prime Minister of Spain, and had eagerly +endeavoured to get a foreign prince for the throne who would be +dependent upon him and under whom he would be able to keep the power in +his own hands. He had now offered the throne of Spain to Leopold of +Hohenzollern, but without having assured himself of the consent of the +Powers. That of Prussia was of course safe enough, and for six weeks +Napoleon had looked on benevolently at the negotiations, and acted as +though the arrangement had his approval, which Prim had the more reason +to suppose since Leopold was related to the Murat family, and the +Emperor had raised no objection to a Hohenzollern ascending the throne +of Roumania. Consequently, Prim was thunderstruck when France suddenly +turned round and seized upon this trivial pretext for a breach of the +peace. + +He was in regular correspondence with the Gallengas, whom he had seen a +good deal of during the years, after the unsuccessful rebellion against +Queen Isabella, that he had spent in London. At that time he had been a +man of fifty, and, with his little body and large head, had looked very +strange among Englishmen. He was of modest birth, but denied the fact. +He was now a Spanish grandee of the first class, but this was through a +patent bestowed on him for courage in the war with Morocco; he had +little education, did not know a word of English, wrote French with a +purely fantastic orthography, but had excellent qualities as a Liberal, +an army chief, and a popular leader. Still, he was not pleased that +Régnault had painted him greeted by the enthusiastic cheers of an +untidy, ragged mob of rebels; he would have preferred to be receiving +the acclamations of regular troops, and of the highest men and women in +the nation, as now, at the conclusion of his career, he really was. +Only a few months later (in December, 1870), he was shot by an assassin +in the streets of Madrid. + +In Prim's communications to Gallenga, the attitude of the French +government appeared to me in a most unfavourable light. Ollivier, the +Premier, I had long despised; it did not need much political acumen to +see that he was an ambitious and conceited phrase-monger, who would let +himself be led by the nose by those who had disarmed him. The Emperor +himself was a wreck. I had had no doubt of that since I had one day +seen him at very close quarters in the Louvre, where he was inspecting +some recently hung, decorative paintings. It was quite evident that he +could not walk alone, but advanced, half-sliding, supported by two tall +chamberlains, who each gave him an arm. His eyes were half-closed and +his gaze absolutely dulled. The dressed and waxed moustache, which ran +to a needle-like point, looked doubly tasteless against his wax mask of +a face. He was the incarnation of walking decrepitude, vapid and slack. +Quite evidently he had committed the blunder of trusting to a split in +Germany. In his blindness he explained that he had come to free the +Germans, who had, against their will, been incorporated into Prussia, +and all Germany rose like one man against him. And in his foolish +proclamation he declared that he was waging this war for the sake of +the civilising ideals of the first Republic, as if Germany were now +going to be civilised for the first time, and as if he, who had made an +end of the second Republic by a _coup d'état_, could speak in the name +of Republican freedom. His whole attitude was mendacious and mean, and +the wretched pretext under which he declared war could not but +prejudice Europe against him. In addition to this, as they knew very +well in England, from the earlier wars of the Empire, he had no +generals; his victories had been soldier victories. + +I was very deeply impressed, in the next place, by the suicide of +Prévost-Paradol. I had studied most carefully his book, _La France +Nouvelle_; I had seen in this friend and comrade of Taine and of Renan +the political leader of the future in France. No one was so well +acquainted with its resources as he; no one knew better than he what +policy ought to be followed. If he had despaired, it was because he +foresaw that the situation was hopeless. He had certainly made +mistakes; first, in believing that in January it had been Napoleon's +serious intention to abrogate personal control of the state, then that +of retaining, despite the long hesitation so well known to me, his +position as French Envoy to North America, after the plebiscite. That +he should now have turned his pistol against his own forehead told me +that he regarded the battle as lost, foresaw inevitable collapse as the +outcome of the war. When at first all the rumours and all the papers +announced the extreme probability of Denmark's taking part in the war +as France's ally, I was seized with a kind of despair at the thought of +the folly she seemed to be on the verge of committing. I wrote to my +friends, would have liked, had I been permitted, to write in every +Danish paper a warning against the martial madness that had seized upon +people. It was only apparently shared by the French. Even now, only a +week after the declaration of war, and before a single collision had +taken place, it was clear to everyone who carefully followed the course +of events that in spite of the light-hearted bragging of the Parisians +and the Press, there was deep-rooted aversion to war. And I, who had +always counted Voltaire's _Micromégas_ as one of my favourite tales, +thought of where Sirius, the giant, voices his supposition that the +people on the earth are happy beings who pass their time in love and +thought, and of the philosopher's reply to him: "At this moment there +are a hundred thousand animals of our species, who wear hats, engaged +in killing a hundred thousand more, who wear turbans, or in being +killed by them. And so it has been all over the earth from time +immemorial." Only that this time not a hundred thousand, but some two +million men were being held in readiness to exterminate each other. + +What I saw in London of the scenic art at the Adelphi Theatre, the +Prince of Wales' Theatre and the Royal Strand Theatre was +disheartening. Molière was produced as the lowest kind of farce, +Sheridan was acted worse than would be permitted in Denmark at a +second-class theatre; but the scenic decorations, a greensward, +shifting lights, and the like, surpassed anything that I had ever seen +before. + +More instructive and more fascinating than the theatres were the +parliamentary debates and the trials in the Law Courts. I enjoyed in +particular a sitting of the Commons with a long debate between +Gladstone and Disraeli, who were like representatives of two races and +two opposed views of life. Gladstone was in himself handsomer, clearer, +and more open, Disraeli spoke with a finer point, and more elegantly, +had a larger oratorical compass, more often made a witty hit, and +evoked more vigorous response and applause. Their point of disagreement +was the forthcoming war; Disraeli wished all the documents regarding it +to be laid before parliament; Gladstone declared that he could not +produce them. In England, as elsewhere, the war that was just breaking +out dominated every thought. + + +XXII. + +The Paris I saw again was changed. Even on my way from Calais I heard, +to my astonishment, the hitherto strictly forbidden _Marseillaise_ +hummed and muttered. In Paris, people went arm in arm about the streets +singing, and the _Marseillaise_ was heard everywhere. The voices were +generally harsh, and it was painful to hear the song that had become +sacred through having been silenced so long, profaned in this wise, in +the bawling and shouting of half-drunken men at night. But the +following days, as well, it was hummed, hooted, whistled and sung +everywhere, and as the French are one of the most unmusical nations on +earth, it sounded for the most part anything but agreeable. + +In those days, while no collision between the masses of troops had as +yet taken place, there was a certain cheerfulness over Paris; it could +be detected in every conversation; people were more lively, raised +their voices more, chatted more than at other times; the cabmen growled +more loudly, and cracked their whips more incessantly than usual. + +Assurance of coming victory was expressed everywhere, even among the +hotel servants in the Rue Racine and on the lips of the waiters at +every restaurant. Everybody related how many had already volunteered; +the number grew from day to day; first it was ten thousand, then +seventy-five thousand, then a hundred thousand. In the Quartier Latin, +the students sat in their cafés, many of them in uniform, surrounded by +their comrades, who were bidding them good-bye. It was characteristic +that they no longer had their womenfolk with them; they had flung them +aside, now that the matter was serious. Every afternoon a long stream +of carriages, filled with departing young soldiers, could be seen +moving out towards the Gare du Nord. From every carriage large flags +waved. Women, their old mothers, workwomen, who sat in the carriages +with them, held enormous bouquets on long poles. The dense mass of +people through which one drove were grave; but the soldiers for the +most part retained their gaiety, made grimaces, smoked and drank. + +Nevertheless, the Emperor's proclamation had made a very poor +impression. It was with the intention of producing an effect of +sincerity that he foretold the war would be long and grievous, (_longue +et pénible_); with a people of the French national character it would +have been better had he been able to write "terrible, but short." Even +now, when people had grown accustomed to the situation, this +proclamation hung like a nightmare over them. I was all the more +astonished when an old copy of the _Daily Paper_ for the 30th of July +fell into my hands, and I read that their correspondent (Topsöe, +recently arrived in Paris) had seen a bloused workman tear off his hat, +after reading the proclamation, and heard him shout, "_Vive la +France_!" So thoughtlessly did people continue to feed the Danish +public with the food to which it was accustomed. + +Towards the 8th or 9th of August I met repeatedly the author of the +article. He told me that the Duc de Cadore had appeared in Copenhagen +on a very indefinite errand, but without achieving the slightest +result. Topsöe, for that matter, was extraordinarily ignorant of French +affairs, had only been four weeks in France altogether, and openly +admitted that he had touched up his correspondence as well as he could. +He had never yet been admitted to the _Corps législatif_, nevertheless +he had related how the tears had come into the eyes of the members and +the tribunes the day when the Duc de Grammont "again lifted the flag of +France on high." He said: "I have been as unsophisticated as a child +over this war," and added that Bille had been more so than himself. + + +XXIII. + +One could hardly praise the attitude of the French papers between the +declaration of war and the first battles. Their boasting and exultation +over what they were going to do was barely decent, they could talk of +nothing but the victories they were registering beforehand, and, first +and last, the entry into Berlin. The insignificant encounter at +Saarbrücken was termed everywhere the _première victoire!_ The +caricatures in the shop-windows likewise betrayed terrible arrogance. +One was painfully reminded of the behaviour of the French before the +battle of Agincourt in Shakespeare's _Henry V._ + +It was no matter for surprise that a populace thus excited should +parade through the streets in an evening, shouting _"A Berlin! A +Berlin!"_ + +National enthusiasm could vent itself in the theatres, in a most +convenient manner, without making any sacrifice. As soon as the +audience had seen the first piece at the Théâtre Français, the public +clamoured for _La Marseillaise_, and brooked no denial. A few minutes +later the lovely Mlle. + +Agar came in, in a Greek costume. Two French flags were held over her +head. She then sang, quietly, sublimely, with expression at the same +time restrained and inspiring, the _Marseillaise_. The countless +variations of her voice were in admirable keeping with her animated and +yet sculptural gesticulation, and the effect was thrilling, although +certain passages in the song were hardly suitable to the circumstances +of the moment, for instance, the invocation of Freedom, the prayer to +her to fight for her defenders. When the last verse came, she seized +the flag and knelt down; the audience shouted, "_Debout_!" All rose and +listened standing to the conclusion, which was followed by mad applause. + +People seized upon every opportunity of obtruding their patriotism. One +evening _Le lion amoureux_ was given. In the long speech which +concludes the second act, a young Republican describes the army which, +during the Revolution, crossed the frontier for the first time and +utterly destroyed the Prussian armies. The whole theatre foamed like +the sea. + + +XXIV. + +Those were Summer days, and in spite of the political and martial +excitement, the peaceful woods and parks in the environs of Paris were +tempting. From the Quartier Latin many a couple secretly found their +way to the forests of St. Germain, or the lovely wood at Chantilly. In +the morning one bought a roast fowl and a bottle of wine, then spent +the greater part of the day under the beautiful oak-trees, and sat down +to one's meal in the pleasant green shade. Now and again one of the +young women would make a wreath of oak leaves and twine it round her +companion's straw hat, while he, bareheaded, lay gazing up at the +tree-tops. For a long time I kept just such a wreath as a remembrance, +and its withered leaves roused melancholy reflections some years later, +for during the war every tree of the Chantilly wood had been felled; +the wreath was all that remained of the magnificent oak forest. + + +XXV. + +The news of the battle of Weissenburg on August 4th was a trouble, but +this chiefly manifested itself in profound astonishment. What? They had +suffered a defeat? But one did not begin to be victorious at once; +victory would soon follow now. And, indeed, next morning, the news of a +victory ran like lightning about the town. It had been so confidently +expected that people quite neglected to make enquiries as to how and to +what extent it was authenticated. There was bunting everywhere; all the +horses had flags on their heads, people went about with little flags in +their hats. As the day wore on it turned out to be all a false report, +and the depression was great. + +Next evening, as I came out of the _Théâtre Français_, there stood the +Emperor's awful telegram to read, several copies of it posted up on the +columns of the porch: "Macmahon has lost a battle. Frossard is +retreating. Put Paris in a condition of defence as expeditiously as +possible!" Then, like everyone else, I understood the extent of the +misfortune. Napoleon had apparently lost his head; it was very +unnecessary to publish the conclusion of the telegram. + +Immediately afterwards was issued the Empress' proclamation, which was +almost silly. "I am with you," it ran--a charming consolation for the +Parisians. + +Astonishment produced a kind of paralysis; anger looked round for an +object on which to vent itself, but hardly knew whom to select. +Besides, people had really insufficient information as to what had +happened. The _Siècle_ printed a fairly turbulent article at once, but +no exciting language in the papers was required. Even a foreigner could +perceive that if it became necessary to defend Paris after a second +defeat, the Empire would be at an end. + +The exasperation which had to vent itself was directed at first against +the Ministers, and ridiculously enough the silence imposed on the Press +concerning the movements of the troops (_le mutisme_) was blamed for +the defeat at Weissenburg; then the exasperation swung back and was +directed against the generals, who were dubbed negligent and incapable, +until, ponderously and slowly, it turned against the Emperor himself. + +But with the haste that characterises French emotion, and the rapidity +with which events succeeded one another, even this exasperation was of +short duration. It raged for a few days, and then subsided for want of +contradiction of its own accord, for the conviction spread that the +Emperor's day was irrevocably over and that he continued to exist only +in name. A witness to the rapidity of this _volte face_ were three +consecutive articles by Edmond About in _Le Soir_. The first, written +from his estate in Saverne, near Strassburg. was extremely bitter +against the Emperor; it began: "_Napoleone tertio feliciter regnante_, +as people said in the olden days, I have seen with my own eyes, what I +never thought to see: Alsace overrun by the enemy's troops." The next +article, written some days later, in the middle of August, when About +had come to Paris, called the Emperor, without more ado, "The last +Bonaparte," and began: "I see that I have been writing like a true +provincial; in the provinces at the moment people have two curses on +their lips, one for the Prussians, and one for those who began the war; +in Paris, they have got much farther; there they have only one curse on +their lips, one thought, and one wish; there are names that are no more +mentioned in Paris than if they belonged to the twelfth century." + +What he wrote was, at the moment, true and correct. I was frequently +asked in letters what the French now said about the government and the +Emperor. The only answer was that all that side of the question was +antiquated in Paris. If I were to say to one of my acquaintances: _"Eh! +bien, que dites-vous de l'empereur_?" the reply would be: _"Mais, mon +cher, je ne dis rien de lui. Vous voyez si bien que moi, qu'il ne +compte plus. C'est un homme par terre. Tout le monde le sait; la gauche +même ne l'attaque plus."_ Even General Trochu, the Governor of the +capital, did not mention Napoleon's name in his proclamation to Paris. +He himself hardly dared to send any messages. After having been obliged +to surrender the supreme command, he followed the army, like a mock +emperor, a kind of onlooker, a superfluous piece on the board. People +said of him: "_On croit qu'il se promène un peu aux environs de +Châlons._" + +As can be seen from this, the deposition of the Emperor had taken place +in people's consciousness, and was, so to speak, publicly settled, +several weeks before the battle of Sedan brought with it his surrender +to the King of Prussia and the proclamation of the French Republic. The +Revolution of September 4th was not an overturning of things; it was +merely the ratification of a state of affairs that people were already +agreed upon in the capital, and had been even before the battle of +Gravelotte. + +In Paris preparations were being made with the utmost energy for the +defence of the city. All men liable to bear arms were called up, and +huge numbers of volunteers were drilled. It was an affecting sight to +see the poor workmen drilling on the Place du Carrousel for enrolment +in the volunteer corps. Really, most of them looked so bloodless and +wretched that one was tempted to think they went with the rest for the +sake of the franc a day and uniform. + + +XXVI. + +Anyone whose way led him daily past the fortifications could see, +however technically ignorant he might be, that they were exceedingly +insignificant. Constantly, too, one heard quoted Trochu's words: "I +don't delude myself into supposing that I can stop the Prussians with +the matchsticks that are being planted on the ramparts." Strangely +enough, Paris shut herself in with such a wall of masonry that in +driving through it in the Bois de Boulogne, there was barely room for a +carriage with two horses. They bored loop-holes in these walls and +ramparts, but few doubted that the German artillery would be able to +destroy all their defences with the greatest ease. + +Distribute arms to the civil population, as the papers unanimously +demanded, from readily comprehensible reasons, no one dared to do. The +Empress' Government had to hold out for the existing state of things; +nevertheless, in Paris,--certainly from about the 8th August,--people +were under the impression that what had been lost was lost irrevocably. + +I considered it would be incumbent upon my honour to return to Denmark, +if we were drawn into the war, and I lived with this thought before my +eyes. I contemplated with certainty an approaching revolution in +France; I was vexed to think that there was not one conspicuously great +and energetic man among the leaders of the Opposition, and that such a +poor wretch as Rochefort was once more daily mentioned and dragged to +the front. Of Gambetta no one as yet thought, although his name was +respected, since he had made himself felt the last season as the most +vehement speaker in the Chamber. But it was not speakers who were +wanted, and people did not know that he was a man of action. + +The Ministry that followed Ollivier's inspired me with no confidence. +Palikao, the Prime Minister, was termed in the papers an _iron man_ +(the usual set phrase). It was said that he "would not scruple to clear +the boulevards with grape"; but the genius needed for such a +performance was not overwhelming. What he had to do was to clear France +of the Germans, and that was more difficult. + +Renan had had to interrupt the journey to Spitzbergen which he had +undertaken in Prince Napoleon's company; the Prince and his party had +only reached Tromsöe, when they were called back on account of the war, +and Renan was in a state of the most violent excitement. He said: "No +punishment could be too great for that brainless scoundrel Ollivier, +and the Ministry that has followed his is worse. Every thinking man +could see for himself that the declaration of this war was madness. +(_A-t-on jamais vu pareille folie, mon Dieu, mon Dieu, c'est navrant. +Nous sommes un peuple désarçonné._)" In his eyes, Palikao was no better +than a robber, Jérôme David than a murderer. He considered the fall of +Strasburg imminent. He was less surprised than I at the unbounded +incapacity shown by the French fleet under the difficult conditions; +all plans for a descent on Northern Germany had already been given up, +and the French fleet was unable to set about even so much as a blockade +of the ports, such as the Danes had successfully carried out six years +before. + +Taine was as depressed as Renan. He had returned from Germany, where he +had gone to prepare a treatise on Schiller, on account of the sudden +death of Madame Taine's mother. As early as August 2d, when no battle +had as yet been fought, he felt exceedingly anxious, and he was the +first Frenchman whom I heard take into consideration the possibility of +the defeat of France; he expressed great sorrow that two nations such +as France and Germany should wage national war against each other as +they were doing. "I have just come from Germany," he remarked, "where I +have talked with many brave working-men. When I think of what it means +for a man to be born into the world, nursed, brought up, instructed, +and equipped; when I think what struggling and difficulties he must go +through himself to be fit for the battle of life, and then reflect how +all that is to be flung into the grave as a lump of bleeding flesh, how +can I do other than grieve! With two such statesmen as Louis Philippe, +war could certainly have been averted, but with two quarrelsome men +like Bismarck and Napoleon at the head of affairs, it was, of course, +inevitable." + +Philarète Chasles saw in the defeats a confirmation of the theory that +he proclaimed, day in, day out, namely: that the Latin races were on +the rapid down-grade; Spain and Portugal, Italy, Roumania, the South +American republics, were, in his opinion, in a state of moral +putrefaction, France a sheer Byzantium. It had been a piece of +foolhardiness without parallel to try to make this war a decisive +racial struggle between the nation that, as Protestant, brought free +research in its train and one which had not yet been able to get rid of +the Pope and political despotism. Now France was paying the penalty. + +Out in the country at Meudon, where he was, there had--probably from +carelessness--occurred repeated explosions, the last time on August +20th. Twenty cases of cartridges had just been sent to Bazaine; a +hundred still remained, which were to start the day that they were +urgently required. They blew up, and no one in the town doubted that +the explosion was the work of Prussian spies. For things had come to +such a pass that people saw Prussian spies everywhere. (During the +first month of the war all Germans were called Prussians.) Importance +was attached to the fact that General Frossard's nephew, a young +lieutenant who lay wounded in Chasles' tower-house, from a sword-thrust +in the chest, and was usually delirious, at the crash had jumped up and +come to his senses, crying out: "It is treachery! It is Chamber No. 6 +blowing up!" As a matter of fact, that was where the cartridges were. +It was said that at Meudon traces had been found of the same explosive +as had been used in bombs against the Emperor during the first days of +May (a plot that had probably been hatched by the police). The +perpetrator, however,--doubtless for good reasons--was not discovered. + +Whatever vanity there was about old Philarète Chasles left him +altogether during this critical time, which seemed to make good men +better still. His niece, too, who used to be loud-voiced and conceited, +was quite a different person. One day that I was at their house at +Meudon, she sat in a corner for a long time crying quietly. Out there, +they were all feverishly anxious, could not rest, craved, partly to +hear the latest news, partly to feel the pulse of Paris. One day after +dinner, Chasles invited me to go into town with him, and when we +arrived he took a carriage and drove about with me for two hours +observing the prevailing mood. We heard countless anecdotes, most of +them apocryphal, but reflecting the beliefs of the moment: The Empress +had sent three milliards (!) in French gold to the Bank of England. The +Emperor, who was jealous of Macmahon since the latter had rescued him +at Magenta, had taken the command of the Turcos from the Marshal, +although the latter had said in the Council of War: "The Turcos must be +given to me, they will not obey anyone else." And true it was that no +one else had any control over them. If one had committed theft, or +misbehaved himself in any other way, and Macmahon. whom they called +only "Our Marshal," rode down the front of their lines and scolded +them, they began to cry, rushed up and kissed his feet, and hung to his +horse, like children asking for forgiveness. And now someone had made +the great mistake of giving them to another general. And, the commander +being anxious to dazzle the Germans with them, they and the Zouaves had +been sent first into the fire, in spite of Bazaine's very sensible +observation: "When you drive, you do not begin at a galop." And so +these picked troops were broken up in their first engagement. It was +said that of 2,500 Turcos, only 29 were left. + +An anecdote like the following, which was told to us, will serve to +show how popular legends grow up, in virtue of the tendency there is to +reduce a whole battle to a collision between two generals, just as in +the Homeric age, or in Shakespeare: The Crown Prince of Prussia was +fighting very bravely at Wörth, in the front ranks. That he threw the +Turcos into confusion was the result of a ray of sunlight falling on +the silver eagle on his helmet. The Arabs thought it a sign from +Heaven. Macmahon, who was shooting in the ranks, was so near the Crown +Prince that the latter shouted to him in French: "_Voilà un homme!_" +but the Frenchman surpassed him in chivalrous politeness, for he +saluted, and replied: "_Voilà un héros!_" + + +XXVII. + +After my return to Paris, I had taken lessons from an excellent +language teacher, Mademoiselle Guémain, an old maid who had for many +years taught French to Scandinavians, and for whom I wrote descriptions +and remarks on what I saw, to acquire practise in written expression. +She had known most of the principal Northerners who had visited Paris +during the last twenty years, had taught Magdalene Thoresen, amongst +others, when this latter as a young woman had stayed in Paris. She was +an excellent creature, an unusual woman, intellectual, sensitive, and +innocent, who made an unforgettable impression upon one. Besides the +appointed lesson-times, we sometimes talked for hours together. How sad +that the lives of such good and exceptional women should vanish and +disappear, without any special thanks given to them in their +life-times, and with no one of the many whom they have benefitted to +tell publicly of their value. She possessed all the refinement of the +French, together with the modesty of an old maid, was both personally +inexperienced, and by virtue of the much that she had seen, very +experienced in worldly things. I visited her again in 1889, after the +lapse of nineteen years, having learned her address through Jonas Lie +and his wife, who knew her. I found her older, but still more charming, +and touchingly humble. It cut me to the heart to hear her say: _"C'est +une vraie charité que vous me faites de venir me voir."_ + +Mlle. Guémain was profoundly affected, like everyone else, by what we +were daily passing through during this time of heavy strain. As a +woman, she was impressed most by the seriousness which had seized even +the most frivolous people, and by the patriotic enthusiasm which was +spreading in ever wider circles. She regarded it as deeper and stronger +than as a rule it was. + + +XXVIII. + +The temper prevailing among my Italian friends was very different. The +Italians, as their way was, were just like children, laughed at the +whole thing, were glad that the Prussians were "drubbing" the French, +to whom, as good patriots, they wished every misfortune possible. The +French had behaved like tyrants in Italy; now they were being paid out. +Besides which, the Prussians would not come to Paris. But if they did +come, they would be nice to them, and invite them to dinner, like +friends. Sometimes I attempted to reply, but came off badly. One day +that I had ventured a remark to a large and ponderous Roman lady, on +the ingratitude of the Italians towards the French, the good lady +jumped as if a knife had been stuck into her, and expatiated +passionately on the infamy of the French. The Romans were,--as everyone +knew,--the first nation on earth. The French had outraged them, had +dared to prevent them making their town the capital of Italy, by +garrisoning it with French soldiers who had no business there, so that +they had themselves asked for the Nemesis which was now overtaking +them, and which the Italians were watching with flashing eyes. She said +this, in spite of her anger, with such dignity, and such a bearing, +that one could not but feel that, if she were one day called upon to +adorn a throne, she would seat herself upon it as naturally, and as +free from embarrassment, as though it were nothing but a Roman woman's +birthright. + + +XXIX. + +In the meantime, defeats and humiliations were beginning to confuse the +good sense of the French, and to lead their instincts astray. The crowd +could not conceive that such things could come about naturally. The +Prussians could not possibly have won by honourable means, but must +have been spying in France for years. Why else were so many Germans +settled in Paris! The French were paying now, not for their faults, but +for their virtues, the good faith, the hospitality, the innocent +welcome they had given to treacherous immigrants. They had not +understood that the foreigner from the North was a crafty and deceitful +enemy. + +It gradually became uncomfortable for a foreigner in Paris. I never +went out without my passport. But even a passport was no safeguard. It +was enough for someone to make some utterly unfounded accusation, +express some foolish, chance suspicion, for the non-Frenchman to be +maltreated as a "spy." Both in Metz and in Paris, in the month of +August, people who were taken for "Prussians" were hanged or +dismembered. In the latter part of August the papers reported from the +Dordogne that a mob there had seized a young man, a M. de Moneys, of +whom a gang had asserted that he had shouted _"Vive la Prusse!"_ had +stripped him, bound him with ropes, carried him out into a field, laid +him on a pile of damp wood, and as this would not take fire quick +enough, had pushed trusses of straw underneath all round him, and burnt +him alive. From the _Quartier La Vilette_ in Paris, one heard every day +of similar slaughter of innocent persons who the people fancied were +Prussian spies. Under such circumstances, a trifle might become fatal. +One evening at the end of August I had been hearing _L'Africaine_ at +the grand opera, and at the same time Marie Sass' delivery of the +_Marseillaise_--she sang as though she had a hundred fine bells in her +voice, but she sang the national anthem like an aria. Outside the +opera-house I hailed a cab. The coachman was asleep; a man jogged him +to wake him, and he started to drive. I noticed that during the drive +he looked at his watch and then drove on for all that he was worth, as +fast as the harness and reins would stand. When I got to the hotel I +handed him his fare and a four sous' tip. He bawled out that it was not +enough; he had been _de remise_; he had taken me for someone else, +being waked so suddenly; he had been bespoken by another gentleman. I +laughed and replied that that was his affair, not mine; what had it got +to do with me? But as all he could demand, if he had really been _de +remise_, was two sous more, and as, under the ordinances prevailing, it +was impossible to tell whether he was or not, I gave him the two sous; +but no tip with it, since he had no right to claim it, and I had not +the slightest doubt that he was lying. Then he began to croak that it +was a shame not to give a _pourboire_, and, seeing that did not help +matters, as I simply walked up the hotel steps, he shouted in his +ill-temper, first _"Vous n'êtes pas Français!"_ and then _"Vous êtes +Prussien!"_ No sooner had he said it than all the hotel servants who +were standing in the doorway disappeared, and the people in the street +listened, stopped, and turned round. I grasped the danger, and flew +into a passion. In one bound I was in the road, I rushed at the cabman, +seized him by the throat and shook my hand, with its knuckle-duster +upon it, threateningly at his head. Then he forgot to abuse me and +suddenly whined: _"Ne frappez pas, monsieur!"_ mounted his box, and +drove very tamely away. In my exasperation I called the hotel waiters +together and poured scorn on them for their cowardice. + +In spite of the season, it was uncomfortable weather, and the temper of +the town was as uncomfortable as the weather. As time went on, few +people were to be seen about the streets, but there was a run on the +gunmakers' and sword-smiths'. By day no cheerful shouts or songs rang +out, but children of six or seven years of age would go hand in hand in +rows down the street in the evenings, singing _"Mourir pour la +patrie,"_ to its own beautiful, affecting melody. But these were the +only gentle sounds one heard. Gradually, the very air seemed to be +reeking with terror and frenzy. Exasperation rolled up once more, like +a thick, black stream, against the Emperor, against the ministers and +generals, and against the Prussians, whom people thought they saw +everywhere. + + +XXX. + +Foreigners were requested to leave Paris, so that, in the event of a +siege, the city might have no unnecessary mouths to feed. +Simultaneously, in Trochu's proclamation, it was announced that the +enemy might be outside the walls in three days. Under such +circumstances, the town was no longer a place for anyone who did not +wish to be shut up in it. + +One night at the end of August, I travelled from Paris to Geneva. At +the departure station the thousands of German workmen who had been +expelled from Paris were drawn up, waiting, herded together like +cattle,--a painful sight. These workmen were innocent of the war, the +defeats, and the spying service of which they were accused; now they +were being driven off in hordes, torn from their work, deprived of +their bread, and surrounded by inimical lookers-on. + +As it had been said that trains to the South would cease next day, the +Geneva train was overfilled, and one had to be well satisfied to secure +a seat at all. My travelling companions of the masculine gender were +very unattractive: an impertinent and vulgar old Swiss who, as it was a +cold night, and he had no travelling-rug, wrapped himself up in four or +five of his dirty shirts--a most repulsive sight; a very precise young +Frenchman who, without a vestige of feeling for the fate of his country +and nation, explained to us that he had long had a wish to see Italy, +and had thought that now, business being in any case at a standstill, +the right moment had arrived. + +The female travellers in the compartment were a Parisian, still young, +and her bright and charming fifteen-year-old daughter, whose beauty was +not unlike that of Mlle. Massin, the lovely actress at the _Théâtre du +Gymnase_. The mother was all fire and flame, and raved, almost to +tears, over the present pass, cried shame on the cowardice of the +officers for not having turned out the Emperor; her one brother was a +prisoner at Königsberg; all her male relations were in the field. The +daughter was terror-struck at the thought that the train might be +stopped by the enemy--which was regarded as very likely--but laughed at +times, and was divided between fear of the Prussians and exceeding +anxiety to see them: _"J'aimerais bien pouvoir dire que j'aie vu des +Prussiens!"_ + +At one station some soldiers in rout, with torn and dusty clothes, got +into our carriage; they looked repulsive, bespattered with mud and +clay; they were in absolute despair, and you could hear from their +conversation how disorganised discipline was, for they abused their +officers right and left, called them incapable and treacherous, yet +themselves gave one the impression of being very indifferent soldiers. +The young sergeant major who was leading them was the only one who was +in anything like spirits, and even he was not much to boast of. It was +curious what things he believed: Marshal Leboeuf had had a Prussian +officer behind his chair, disguised as a waiter, at Metz, and it had +only just been discovered. Russia had lent troops to Prussia, and put +them into Prussian uniforms; otherwise there could not possibly be so +many of them. But Rome, too, was responsible for the misfortunes of +France; the Jesuits had planned it all, because the country was so +educated; they never liked anybody to learn anything. + +After Culoz commenced the journey through the lovely Jura mountains. On +both sides an immense panorama of high, wooded mountain ridges, with +poverty-stricken little villages along the mountain sides. At +Bellegarde our passports were demanded; no one was allowed to cross the +frontier without them--a stupid arrangement. The Alps began to bound +our view. The train went on, now through long tunnels, now between +precipices, now again over a rocky ridge, whence you looked down into +the valley where the blue-green Rhone wound and twined its way between +the rocks like a narrow ribbon. The speed seemed to be accelerating +more and more. The first maize-field. Slender poplars, without +side-branches, but wholly covered with foliage, stood bent almost into +spirals by the strong wind from the chinks of the rocks. The first +Swiss house. + + +XXXI. + +There was Geneva, between the Alps, divided by the southern extremity +of Lake Leman, which was spanned by many handsome bridges. In the +centre, a little isle, with Rousseau's statue. A little beyond, the +Rhone rushed frothing and foaming out of the lake. From my window I +could see in the distance the dazzling snow peak of Mont Blanc. + +After Paris, Geneva looked like a provincial town. The cafés were like +servants' quarters or corners of cafés. There were no people in the +streets, where the sand blew up in clouds of dust till you could hardly +see out of your eyes, and the roads were not watered. In the hotel, in +front of the mirror, the New Testament in French, bound in leather; you +felt that you had come to the capital of Calvinism. + +The streets in the old part of the town were all up and down hill. In +the windows of the booksellers' shops there were French verses against +France, violent diatribes against Napoleon III. and outbursts of +contempt for the nation that had lost its virility and let itself be +cowed by a tyrant. By the side of these, portraits of the Freethinkers +and Liberals who had been driven from other countries and found a +refuge in Switzerland. + +I sailed the lake in every direction, enraptured by its beauty and the +beauty of the surrounding country. Its blueness, to which I had never +seen a parallel, altogether charmed me in the changing lights of night +and day. On the lake I made the acquaintance of a very pleasant Greek +family, the first I had encountered anywhere. The eldest daughter, a +girl of fourteen, lost her hat. I had a new silk handkerchief packed +amongst my things, and offered it to her. She accepted it and bound it +round her hair. Her name was Maria Kumelas. I saw for the first time an +absolutely pure Greek profile, such as I had been acquainted with +hitherto only from statues. One perfect, uninterrupted line ran from +the tip of her nose to her hair. + + +XXXII. + +I went for excursions into Savoy, ascended La Grande Salève on +donkey-back, and from the top looked down at the full length of the +Leman. + +I drove to the valley of Chamounix, sixty-eight miles, in a diligence +and four; about every other hour we had relays of horses and a new +driver. Whenever possible, we went at a rattling galop. Half-way I +heard the first Italian. It was only the word _quattro_; but it filled +me with delight. Above the high, wooded mountains, the bare rock +projected out of the earth, at the very top. The wide slopes up which +the wood ascended, until it looked like moss on stone, afforded a view +miles in extent. The river Arve, twisting itself in curves, was +frequently spanned by the roadway; it was of a greyish white, and very +rapid, but ugly. Splendid wooden bridges were thrown over it, with +abysms on both sides. Midway, after having for some time been hidden +behind the mountains, Mont Blanc suddenly appeared in its gleaming +splendour, positively tiring and paining the eye. It was a new and +strange feeling to be altogether hemmed in by mountains. It was +oppressive to a plain-dweller to be shut in thus, and not to be able to +get away from the immutable sheet of snow, with its jagged summits. +Along the valley of the stream, the road ran between marvellously fresh +walnut-trees, plane-trees, and avenues of apple trees; but sometimes we +drove through valleys so narrow that the sun only shone on them two or +three hours of the day, and there it was cold and damp. Savoy was +plainly enough a poor country. The grapes were small and not sweet; +soil there was little of, but every patch was utilised to the best +advantage. In one place a mountain stream rushed down the rocks; at a +sharp corner, which jutted out like the edge of a sloping roof, the +stream was split up and transformed into such fine spray that one could +perceive no water at all; afterwards the stream united again at the +foot of the mountain, and emptied itself with frantic haste into the +river, foaming greyish white, spreading an icy cold around. The changes +of temperature were striking. Under shelter, hot Summer, two steps +further, stern, inclement Autumn, air that penetrated to the very +marrow of your bones. You ran through every season of the year in a +quarter of an hour. + +The other travellers were English people, all of one pattern, +unchangeable, immovable. If one of them had buttoned up his coat at the +beginning of the drive, he did not unbutton it on the way, were he +never so warm, and if he had put leather gloves on, for ten hours they +would not be off his hands. The men yawned for the most part; the young +ladies jabbered. The English had made the whole country subservient to +them, and at the hotels one Englishman in this French country was paid +more attention to than a dozen Frenchmen. + +Here I understood two widely different poems: Hauch's Swiss Peasant, +and Björnson's Over the Hills and Far Away. Hauch had felt this scenery +and the nature of these people, by virtue of his Norwegian birth and +his gift of entering into other people's thought; Björnson had given +unforgettable expression to the feeling of imprisoned longing. But for +the man who had been breathing street dust and street sweepings for +four months, it was good to breathe the strong, pure air, and at last +see once more the clouds floating about and beating against the +mountain sides, leaning, exhausted, against a declivity and resting on +their journey. Little children of eight or ten were guarding cattle, +children such as we know so well in the North, when they come with +their marmots; they looked, without exception, like tiny rascals, +charming though they were. + +I rode on a mule to Montanvert, and thence on foot over the Mer de +Glace, clambered up the steep mountain side to Chapeau, went down to +the crystal Grotto and rode from there back to Chamounix. The ride up +in the early hours of the morning was perfect, the mountain air so +light; the mists parted; the pine-trees round the fresh mountain path +exhaled a penetrating fragrance. An American family with whom I had +become acquainted took three guides with them for four persons. One +worthy old gentleman who was travelling with his young daughter, would +not venture upon this feat of daring, but his daughter was so anxious +to accompany us that when I offered to look after her she was entrusted +to my care. I took two mules and a guide, thinking that sufficient. +From Montanvert and down to the glacier, the road was bad, a steep, +rocky path, with loose, rolling stones. When we came to the Ice Sea, +the young lady, as was natural, took the guide's hand, and I, the last +of the caravan, strode cautiously along, my alpenstock in my hand, over +the slippery, billow-like ice. But soon it began to split up into deep +crevasses, and farther on we came to places where the path you had to +follow was no wider than a few hands' breadth, with yawning precipices +in the ice on both sides. I grew hot to the roots of my hair, and +occasionally my heart stood still. It was not that I was actually +afraid. The guide shouted to me: "Look neither to right nor left; look +at your feet, and turn out your toes!" I had only one thought--not to +slip!--and out on the ice I grew burningly hot. When at last I was +across, I noticed that I was shaking. Strangely enough, I was trembling +at the _thought_ of the blue, gaping crevasses on both sides of me, +down which I had barely glanced, and yet I had passed them without a +shudder. The beginning of the crossing had been comparatively easy; it +was only that at times it was very slippery. But in the middle of the +glacier, progress was very uncomfortable; moraines, and heaps of +gigantic blocks lay in your path, and all sorts of stone and gravel, +which melted glaciers had brought down with them, and these were nasty +to negotiate. When at last you had them behind you, came le _Mauvais +Pas_, which corresponded to its name. You climbed up the precipitous +side of the rock with the help of an iron railing drilled into it. But +foothold was narrow and the stone damp, from the number of rivulets +that rippled and trickled down. Finally it was necessary at every step +to let go the railing for a few seconds. The ascent then, and now, was +supposed to be quite free from danger, and the view over the glaciers +which one gained by it, was a fitting reward for the inconvenience. +Even more beautiful than the summit of Mont Blanc itself, with its +rounded contours, were the steep, gray, rocky peaks, with ice in every +furrow, that are called _l'Aiguille du Dru_. These mountains, which as +far as the eye could range seemed to be all the same height, although +they varied from 7,000 to 14,800 feet, stretched for miles around the +horizon. + +The ice grotto here was very different from the sky-blue glacier grotto +into which I had wandered two years earlier at Grindelwald. Here the +ice mass was so immensely high that not the slightest peep of daylight +penetrated through it into the excavated archway that led into the ice. +It was half-dark inside, and the only light proceeded from a row of +little candles stuck into the crevices of the rock. The ice was jet +black in colour, the light gleaming with a golden sheen from all the +rounded projections and jagged points. It was like the gilt +ornamentation on a velvet pall. + +When I returned from Chamounix to Geneva, the proprietor of the hotel +was standing in the doorway and shouted to me: "The whole of the French +army, with the Emperor, has been taken prisoner at +Sedan!"--"Impossible!" I exclaimed. "It is quite certain," he replied; +"it was in the German telegrams, and so far there has not come a single +unveracious telegram from the Germans." + +The next day a Genevese paper published the news of the proclamation of +the Republic in France. + +Simultaneously arrived a letter from Julius Lange, attacking me for my +"miserly city politics," seriously complaining that "our declaration of +war against Prussia had come to nothing," and hoping that my stay in +France had by now made me alter my views. + +In his opinion, we had neglected "an opportunity of rebellion, that +would never recur." + + +XXXIII. + +Lake Leman fascinated me. All the scenery round looked fairy-like to +me, a dream land, in which mighty mountains cast their blue-black +shadows down on the turquoise water, beneath a brilliant, sparkling +sunshine that saturated the air with its colouring. My impressions of +Lausanne, Chillon, Vevey, Montreux, were recorded in the first of my +lectures at the University the following year. The instruments of +torture at Chillon, barbaric and fearsome as they were, made me think +of the still worse murderous instruments being used in the war between +France and Germany. It seemed to me that if one could see war at close +quarters, one would come to regard the earth as peopled by dangerous +lunatics. Political indifference to human life and human suffering had +taken the place of the premeditated cruelty of the Middle Ages. Still, +if no previous war had ever been so frightful, neither had there ever +been so much done to mitigate suffering. While fanatic Frenchwomen on +the battlefields cut the noses off wounded Germans, and mutilated them +when they could, and while the Germans were burning villages and +killing their peaceful inhabitants, if one of them had so much as fired +a shot, in all quietness the great societies for the care of the +wounded were doing their work. And in this Switzerland especially bore +the palm. There were two currents then, one inhuman and one humane, and +of the two, the latter will one day prove itself the stronger. Under +Louis XIV. war was still synonymous with unlimited plundering, murder, +rape, thievery and robbery. Under Napoleon I. there were still no such +things as ambulances. The wounded were carted away now and again in +waggons, piled one on the top of each other, if any waggons were to be +had; if not, they were left as they lay, or were flung into a ditch, +there to die in peace. Things were certainly a little better. + + +XXXIV. + +In Geneva, the news reached me that--in spite of a promise Hall, as +Minister, had given to Hauch, when the latter asked for it for me--I +was to receive no allowance from the Educational Department. To a +repetition of the request, Hall had replied: "I have made so many +promises and half-promises, that it has been impossible to remember or +to keep them." This disappointment hit me rather hard; I had in all +only about £50 left, and could not remain away more than nine weeks +longer without getting into debt, I, who had calculated upon staying a +whole year abroad. Circumstances over which I had no control later +obliged me, however, to remain away almost another year. But that I +could not foresee, and I had no means whatever to enable me to do so. +Several of my acquaintances had had liberal allowances from the +Ministry; Krieger and Martensen had procured Heegaard £225 at once, +when he had been anxious to get away from Rasmus Nielsen's influence. +It seemed to me that this refusal to give me anything augured badly for +the appointment I was hoping for in Denmark. I could only earn a very +little with my pen: about 11_s_. 3_d_. for ten folio pages, and as I +did not feel able, while travelling, to write anything of any value, I +did not attempt it. It was with a sort of horror that, after preparing +for long travels that were to get me out of the old folds, I thought of +the earlier, narrow life I had led in Copenhagen. All the old folds +seemed, at this distance, to have been the folds of a strait-waistcoat. + + +XXXV. + +With abominable slowness, and very late, "on account of the war," the +train crawled from Geneva, southwards. Among the travellers was a +rhetorical Italian master-mason, from Lyons, an old Garibaldist, the +great event of whose life was that Garibaldi had once taken lunch alone +with him at Varese. He preserved in his home as a relic the glass from +which the general had drunk. He was talkative, and ready to help +everyone; he gave us all food and drink from his provisions. Other +travellers told that they had had to stand in queue for fully twelve +hours in front of the ticket office in Paris, to get away from the town. + +The train passed the place where Rousseau had lived, at Madame de +Warens'. In an official work on Savoy, written by a priest, I had +recently read a summary dismissal of Rousseau, as a calumniator of his +benefactress. According to this author, it certainly looked as though, +to say the least of it, Rousseau's memory had failed him amazingly +sometimes. The book asserted, for instance, that the Claude of whom he +speaks was no longer alive at the time when he was supposed to be +enjoying Madame de Warens' favours. + +We passed French volunteers in blouses bearing a red cross; they +shouted and were in high good humour; passed ten districts, where +numbers of cretins, with their hideous excrescences, sat by the +wayside. At last we arrived,--several hours behind time,--at St. +Michel, at the foot of Mont Cenis; it was four o'clock in the +afternoon, and I was beginning to feel tired, for I had been up since +four in the morning. At five o'clock we commenced the ascent, to the +accompaniment of frightful groanings from the engine; all the +travellers were crowded together in three wretched little carriages, +the small engine not being able to pull more. Gay young French girls +exulted at the idea of seeing "Italy's fair skies." They were not +particularly fair here; the weather was rough and cloudy, in keeping +with abysms and mountain precipices. But late at night the journey over +Mont Cenis was wonderful. High up on the mountain the moonlight gleamed +on the mountain lake. And the way was dominated, from one rocky summit, +by the castle of Bramans with its seven imposing forts. + +The locomotive stopped for an hour, for want of water. We were thus +obliged to sleep at the little Italian town of Susa (in a glorious +valley under Mont Cenis), the train to Turin having left three hours +before. Susa was the first Italian town I saw. When the train came in +next morning to the station at Turin, a crowd of Italian soldiers, who +were standing there, shouted: "The Prussians for ever!" and winked at +me. "What are they shouting for?" I asked a young Turin fellow with +whom I had had some long conversations. "It is an ovation to you," he +replied. "People are delighted at the victory of the Prussians, and +they think you are a Prussian, because of your fair moustache and +beard." + + +XXXVI. + +An overwhelming impression was produced upon me by the monuments of +Turin, the River Po, and the lovely glee-singing in the streets. For +the first time, I saw colonnades, with heavy curtains to the street, +serve as pavements, with balconies above them. Officers in uniforms +gleaming with gold, ladies with handkerchiefs over their heads instead +of hats, the mild warmth, the brown eyes, brought it home to me at +every step that I was in a new country. + +I hurried up to Costanza Blanchetti. _Madame la comtesse est à la +campagne. Monsieur le comte est sorti._ Next morning, as I was sitting +in my room in the Hotel Trombetta, Blanchetti rushed in, pressed me to +his bosom, kissed me on both cheeks, would not let me go, but insisted +on carrying me off with him to the country. + +We drove round the town first, then went by rail to Alpignano, where +Costanza was staying with a relative of the family, Count Buglioni di +Monale. Here I was received like a son, and shown straight to my room, +where there stood a little bed with silk hangings, and where, on the +pillow, there lay a little, folded-up thing, likewise of white silk, +which was an enigma to me till, on unfolding it, I found it was a +night-cap, the classical night-cap, tapering to a point, which you see +at the theatre in old comedies. The Buglionis were gentle, good-natured +people, rugged and yet refined, an old, aristocratic country gentleman +and his wife. Nowhere have I thought grapes so heavy and sweet and +aromatic as there. The perfume from the garden was so strong and +fragrant. Impossible to think of a book or a sheet of paper at +Alpignano. We walked under the trees, lay among the flowers, enjoyed +the sight and the flavour of the apricots and grapes, and chatted, +expressing by smiles our mutual quiet, deep-reaching sympathy. + +One evening I went into Turin with Blanchetti to see the play. The +lover in _La Dame aux Camélias_ was played by a young Italian named +Lavaggi, as handsome as an Antinous, a type which I often encountered +in Piedmont. With his innate charm, restful calm, animation of movement +and the fire of his beauty, he surpassed the acting of all the young +lovers I had seen on the boards of the French theatres. The very play +of his fingers was all grace and expression. + + +XXXVII. + +On my journey from Turin to Milan, I had the mighty Mont Rosa, with its +powerful snow mass, and the St. Bernard, over which Buonaparte led his +tattered troops, before my eyes. We went across maize fields, through +thickets, over the battlefield of Magenta. From reading Beyle, I had +pictured Milan as a beautiful town, full of free delight in life. Only +to see it would be happiness. And it was,--the cupola gallery, the +dome, from the roof of which, immediately after my arrival, I looked +out over the town, shining under a pure, dark-blue sky. In the evening, +in the public gardens, I revelled in the beauty of the Milanese women. +Italian ladies at that time still wore black lace over their heads +instead of hats. Their dresses were open in front, the neck being bare +half-way down the chest. I was struck by the feminine type. Upright, +slender-waisted women; delicate, generally bare hands; oval faces, the +eyebrows of an absolutely perfect regularity; narrow noses, well +formed, the nostrils curving slightly upwards and outwards--the models +of Leonardo and Luini. + +The _Last Supper_, in the church of St. Maria delle Grazie, and the +drawings in the Ambrose Library, brought me closer to Leonardo than I +had ever been able to get before, through reproductions; I saw the true +expression in the face of the Christ in the _Last Supper_, which copies +cannot avoid distorting. + + +XXXVIII. + +A violent affection for Correggio, and a longing to see his works where +they are to be found in greatest number, sent me to Parma. + +I reached the town at night; no gas, no omnibus from any hotel. An +out-porter trotted with my portmanteau on his back through wide, +pitch-dark, deserted, colonnaded streets, past huge palaces, until, +after half an hour's rapid walk, we arrived at the hotel. The day +before my arrival dall'Ongaro had unveiled the beautiful and +beautifully situated statue of Correggio in the Market Square. I first +investigated the two domes in the Cathedral and San Giovanni +Evangelista, then the ingratiating pictorial decoration of the convent +of San Paolo. In the Museum, where I was pretty well the only visitor, +I was so eagerly absorbed in studying Correggio and jotting down my +impressions, that, in order to waste no time, I got the attendant to +buy my lunch, and devoured it,--bread, cheese, and grapes,--in the +family's private apartments. They were pleasant, obliging people, and +as I bought photographs for a considerable amount from them, they were +very hospitable. They talked politics to me and made no secret of their +burning hatred for France. + +There were other things to see at Parma besides Correggio, although for +me he dominated the town. There was a large exhibition of modern +Italian paintings and statuary, and the life of the people in the town +and round about. In the streets stood carts full of grapes. Four or +five fellows with bare feet would stamp on the grapes in one of these +carts; a trough led from the cart down to a vat, into which the juice +ran, flinging off all dirt in fermentation. + +It was pleasant to walk round the old ramparts of the town in the +evening glow, and it was lively in the ducal park. One evening little +knots of Italian soldiers were sitting there. One of them sang in a +superb voice, another accompanied him very nicely on the lute; the +others listened with profound and eager attention. + + +XXXIX. + +After this came rich days in Florence. Everything was a delight to me +there, from the granite paving of the streets, to palaces, churches, +galleries, and parks. I stood in reverence before the Medici monuments +in Michael Angelo's sanctuary. The people attracted me less; the women +seemed to me to have no type at all, compared with the lovely faces and +forms at Milan and Parma. The fleas attracted me least of all. + +Dall 'Ongaro received every Sunday evening quite an international +company, and conversation consequently dragged. With the charming +Japanese wife of the English consul, who spoke only English and +Japanese, neither of her hosts could exchange a word. There were +Dutchmen and Swiss there with their ladies; sugar-sweet and utterly +affected young Italian men; handsome young painters and a few prominent +Italian scientists, one of whom, in the future, was to become my friend. + +I had a double recommendation to the Danish Minister at Florence, from +the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and from an old and intimate friend of +his in Copenhagen. When I presented my letters, he exclaimed, in +annoyance: "These special recommendations again! How often must I +explain that they are unnecessary, that all Danes, as such, are welcome +to my house!"--This was the delicate manner in which he let me +understand that he was not inclined to do anything whatever for me. +Moreover, he began at once with regrets that his family were absent, so +that he was not in housekeeping, and could not entertain anyone. + +At a production of Émile Augier's _Le Fils de Giboyer_, at which all +the foreign diplomatists were present, he, too, turned up. While the +other diplomatists greeted each other silently with a nod, he made more +of the meeting than any one else did, went from place to place in the +stalls, shook hands, spoke French, German, English and Italian by +turns, was all things to all men, then came and sat down by me, made +himself comfortable, and in a moment was fast asleep. When he began to +snore, one after another of his colleagues turned their heads, and +smiled faintly. He slept through two acts and the intervals between +them, in spite of the voices from the stage and the loud talking +between the acts, and woke up in the middle of the third act, to mumble +in my ear, "It is not much pleasure to see the piece played like this." + +At my favourite restaurant, _Trattoria dell'antiche carrozze_, I was +one day witness to a violent dispute between a Polish noble who, for +political reasons, had fled from Russian Poland, and Hans Semper, a +Prussian, author of a book on Donatello. The latter naturally +worshipped Bismarck, the former warmly espoused the cause of Denmark. +When I left, I said politely to him: + +"I thank you for having so warmly defended my country; I am a Dane." +The next day the Pole came to look for me at the restaurant, and a +closer acquaintance resulted. We went for many walks together along the +riverside; he talking like a typical Polish patriot, I listening to his +dreams of the resuscitated Poland that the future was to see. I mention +this only because it affords an example of the remarkable coincidences +life brings about, which make one so easily exclaim: "How small the +world is!" This Pole became engaged several years afterwards to a young +Polish girl and left her, without any explanation, having got entangled +with a Russian ballet dancer. I made her acquaintance at Warsaw fifteen +years after I had met him at Florence. She was then twenty-six years of +age, and is one of the women who have taught me most; she told me the +story of her early youth and of the unengaging part my acquaintance of +1870 had played in it. + +At Florence I saw Rossi as Hamlet. The performance was a disappointment +to me, inasmuch as Rossi, with his purely Italian nature, had done away +with the essentially English element in Hamlet. The keen English +humour, in his hands, became absurd and ridiculous. Hamlet's hesitation +to act, he overlooked altogether. Hamlet, to him, was a noble young man +who was grieved at his mother's ill-behaviour. The details he acted +like a virtuoso. For instance, it was very effective during the mimic +play, when, lying at Ophelia's feet, he crushes her fan in his hands at +the moment when the King turns pale. I derived my chief enjoyment, not +from the acting, but from the play. It suddenly revealed itself to me +from other aspects, and I fell prostrate in such an exceeding +admiration for Shakespeare that I felt I should never rise again. It +was touching to hear the Italians' remarks on _Hamlet_. The piece was +new to them. You frequently heard the observation: "It is a very +philosophical piece." As people changed from place to place, and sat +wherever they liked, I overheard many different people's opinions of +the drama. The suicide monologue affected these fresh and alert minds +very powerfully. + +That evening, moreover, I had occasion to observe human cowardice, +which is never accounted so great as it really is. There was a noise +behind the scene during the performance, and immediately afterwards a +shout of _Fuoco!_ The audience were overmastered by terror. More than +half of them rushed to the doors, pulled each other down, and trampled +on the fallen, in their endeavours to get out quickly enough; others +rushed up on the stage itself. As there was not the least sign of fire +visible, I of course remained in my seat. A few minutes later one of +the actors came forward and explained that there had been no fire; a +fight between two of the scene-shifters had been the cause of all the +alarm. The good-humoured Italians did not even resent the fellows +having thus disturbed and interrupted the performance. + +John Stuart Mill had given me an introduction to Pasquale Villari, who, +even at that time, was _commendatore professore_, and held a high +position on the Board of Education, but was still far from having +attained the zenith of his fame and influence. When the reserve of the +first few days had worn off, he was simply splendid to me. When +anything I said struck him as being to the point, he pressed my hands +with all the ardour of youth, and he applauded every joke I attempted +with uproarious laughter. + +Some twenty years were to elapse before I saw him again. Then he called +upon me in Copenhagen, wishing to make my acquaintance, without in the +least suspecting that I was the young man who, so long before, had come +to him from Mill. He looked with amazement at books in which he had +written with his own hand, and at old letters from himself which I +produced. I visited him again in 1898. His books on Machiavelli and +Savonarola entitle him to rank among the foremost students and +exponents of Italy. + +I went one day to the great annual fair at Fiesole. Shouting and +shrieking, the people drove down the unspeakably dusty road with such +haste, carelessness and high spirits that conveyances struck against +each other at every moment. It was the life represented in Marstrand's +old-time pictures. In crowded Fiesole, I saw the regular Tuscan country +type, brown eyes, yellow or clear, white skin, thin, longish face, +brown or fair, but never black hair, strong, healthy bodies. The +masculine type with which I was acquainted from the soldiers, was +undeniably handsomer than our own, in particular, was more intelligent; +the young women were modest, reserved in their manner, seldom entered +into conversation with the men, and despite the fire in their eyes, +manifested a certain peasant bashfulness, which seems to be the same +everywhere. + + +XL. + +Vines twine round the fruit-trees; black pigs and their families make +their appearance in tribes; the lake of Thrasymene, near which Hannibal +defeated the Romans, spreads itself out before us. The train is going +from Florence to Rome. Towards mid-day a girl enters the carriage, +apparently English or North American, with brown eyes and brown hair, +that curls naturally about her head; she has her guitar-case in her +hand, and flings it up into the net. Her parents follow her. As there +is room in the compartment for forty-eight persons without crowding, +she arranges places for her parents, and after much laughter and joking +the latter settle off to sleep. The Italians stare at her; but not I. I +sit with my back to her. She sits down, back to back with me, then +turns her head and asks me, in Italian, some question about time, +place, or the like. I reply as best I can. She (in English): "You are +Italian?" On my reply, she tells me: "I hardly know twenty words in +Italian; I only speak English, although I have been living in Rome for +two years." + +She then went on to relate that she was an American, born of poor +parents out on the Indian frontier; she was twenty-six years old, a +sculptor, and was on her way from Carrara, where she had been +superintending the shipment of one of her works, a statue of Lincoln, +which the Congress at Washington had done her the honour of ordering +from her. It was only when she was almost grown up that her talent had +been discovered by an old sculptor who happened to pay a visit and who, +when he saw her drawing, had, half in jest, given her a lump of clay +and said: "Do a portrait of me!" She had then never seen a statue or a +painting, but she evinced such talent that before long several +distinguished men asked her to do busts of them, amongst others, +Lincoln. She was staying at his house that 14th April, 1865, when he +was murdered, and was consequently selected to execute the monument +after his death. She hesitated for a long time before giving up the +modest, but certain, position she held at the time in a post-office; +but, as others believed in her talent, she came to Europe, stayed first +in Paris, where, to her delight, she made the acquaintance of Gustave +Doré, and where she modelled a really excellent bust of Père Hyacinthe, +visited London, Berlin, Munich, Florence, and settled down in Rome. +There she received plenty of orders, had, moreover, obtained permission +to execute a bust of Cardinal Antonelli, was already much looked up to, +and well-to-do. In a few weeks she was returning to America. + +As she found pleasure in talking to me, she exclaimed without more ado: +"I will stay with you," said a few polite things to me, and made me +promise that I would travel with her to Rome from the place where we +were obliged to leave the train, the railway having been broken up to +prevent the Italian troops entering the Papal States. At Treni a Danish +couple got into the train, a mediocre artist and his wife, and with +national astonishment and curiosity watched the evident intimacy +between the young foreigner and myself, concerning which every +Scandinavian in Rome was informed a few days later. + +From Monte Rotondo, where the bridge had been blown up, we had to walk +a long distance, over bad roads, and were separated in the throng, but +she kept a place for me by her side. Thus I drove for the first time +over the Roman Campagna, by moonlight, with two brown eyes gazing into +mine. I felt as though I had met one of Sir Walter Scott's heroines, +and won her confidence at our first meeting. + + +XLI. + +Vinnie Ream was by no means a Scott heroine, however, but a genuine +American, and doubly remarkable to me as being the first specimen of a +young woman from the United States with whom I became acquainted. Even +after I had seen a good deal of her work, I could not feel wholly +attracted by her talent, which sometimes expressed itself rather in a +pictorial than a plastic form, and had a fondness for emotional +effects. But she was a true artist, and a true woman, and I have never, +in any woman, encountered a will like hers. She was uninterruptedly +busy. Although, now that the time of her departure was so near, a few +boxes were steadily being packed every day at her home, she received +every day visits from between sixteen and twenty-five people, and she +had so many letters by post that I often found three or four unopened +ones amongst the visiting cards that had been left. Those were what she +had forgotten, and if she had read them, she had no time to reply to +them. Every day she sat for a few hours to the clever American painter +Healy, who was an admirer of her talent, and called her abilities +genius. Every day she worked at Antonelli's bust. To obtain permission +to execute it, she had merely, dressed in her most beautiful white +gown, asked for an audience of the dreaded cardinal, and had at once +obtained permission. Her intrepid manner had impressed the hated +statesman of the political and ecclesiastical reaction, and in her +representation of him he appeared, too, in many respects nobler and +more refined than he was. But besides modelling the cardinal's bust, +she put the finishing touches to two others, saw to her parents' +household affairs and expenses, and found time every day to spend a few +hours with me, either in a walk or wandering about the different +picture-galleries. + +She maintained the family, for her parents had nothing at all. But when +the statue of Lincoln had been ordered from her, Congress had +immediately advanced ten thousand dollars. So she was able to live free +from care, though for that matter she troubled not at all about money. +She was very ignorant of things outside her own field, and the words +_my work_ were the only ones that she spoke with passion. What she +knew, she had acquired practically, through travel and association with +a multiplicity of people. She hardly knew a dozen words of any language +besides English, and was only acquainted with English and American +writers; of poets, she knew Shakespeare and Byron best; from life and +books she had extracted but few general opinions, but on the other +hand, very individual personal views. These were based upon the theory +that the lesser mind must always subordinate itself to the higher, and +that the higher has a right to utilise freely the time and strength of +the lesser, without being called to account for doing so. She herself +was abjectly modest towards the artists she looked up to. Other people +might all wait, come again, go away without a reply. + +Rather small of stature, strong and healthy,--she had never been ill, +never taken medicine,--with white teeth and red cheeks, quick in +everything, when several people were present she spoke only little and +absently, was as cold, deliberate and composed as a man of strong +character; but at the same time she was unsuspecting and generous, and +in spite of her restlessness and her ambitious industry, ingratiatingly +coquettish towards anyone whose affection she wished to win. It was +amusing to watch the manner in which she despatched the dutifully +sighing Italians who scarcely crossed the threshold of her studio +before they declared themselves. She replied to them with a +superabundance of sound sense and dismissed them with a jest. + +One day that I went to fetch her to the Casino Borghese, I found her +dissolved in tears. One of the two beautiful doves who flew about the +house and perched on her shoulders, and which she had brought with her +from Washington, had disappeared in the night. At first I thought that +her distress was half jest, but nothing could have been more real; she +was beside herself with grief. I realised that if philologians have +disputed as to how far Catullus' poem of the girl's grief over the dead +sparrow were jest or earnest, it was because they had never seen a girl +weep over a bird. Catullus, perhaps, makes fun a little of the grief, +but the grief itself, in his poem too, is serious enough. + +In the lovely gardens of the Villa Borghese, Vinnie Ream's melancholy +frame of mind was dispersed, and we sat for a long time by one of the +handsome fountains and talked, among other things, of our pleasure in +being together, which pleasure was not obscured by the prospect of +approaching parting, because based only on good-fellowship, and with no +erotic element about it. Later in the evening, she had forgotten her +sorrow altogether in the feverish eagerness with which she worked, and +she kept on, by candle-light, until three o'clock in the morning. + +A poor man, an Italian, who kept a little hotel, came in that evening +for a few minutes; he sometimes translated letters for Vinnie Ream. As +he had no business with me, I did not address any of my remarks to him; +she, on the contrary, treated him with extreme kindness and the +greatest respect, and whispered to me: "Talk nicely to him, as you +would to a gentleman, for that he is; he knows four languages +splendidly; he is a talented man. Take no notice of his plain dress. We +Americans do not regard the position, but the man, and he does honour +to his position." I had not been actuated by the prejudices she +attributed to me, nevertheless entered into conversation with the man, +as she wished, and listened with pleasure to his sensible opinions. (He +spoke, among other things, of Northern art, and warmly praised Carl +Bloch's _Prometheus_.) + + +XLII. + +Vinnie Ream's opinion of me was that I was the most impolitic man that +she had ever known. She meant, by that, that I was always falling out +with people (for instance, I had at once offended the Danes in Rome by +some sharp words about the wretched Danish papers), and in general made +fewer friends and more enemies all the time. She herself won the +affection of everyone she wished, and made everyone ready to spring to +do her bidding. She pointed out to me how politic she had had to be +over her art. When she had wished to become a sculptor, everyone in her +native place had been shocked at the un-femininity of it, and people +fabled behind her back about her depraved instincts. She, for her part, +exerted no more strength than just enough to carry her point, let +people talk as much as they liked, took no revenge on those who spread +calumnies about her, showed the greatest kindliness even towards the +evil-disposed, and so, she said, had not an enemy. There was in her a +marvellous commingling of determination to progress rapidly, of +self-restraint and of real good-heartedness. + +On October 20th there was a great festival in Rome to celebrate the +first monthly anniversary of the entry of the Italians into the town. +Young men went in the evening with flags and music through the streets. +Everybody rushed to the windows, and the ladies held out lamps and +candles. In the time of the popes this was only done when the Host was +being carried in solemn procession to the dying; it was regarded +therefore as the greatest honour that could be paid. Everyone clapped +hands and uttered shouts of delight at the improvised illumination, +while the many beautiful women looked lovely in the flickering +lamplight. The 23d again was a gala day, being the anniversary of the +death of Enrico Cairoli--one of the celebrated brothers; he fell at +Mentana;--and I had promised Vinnie Ream to go to see the fête with +her; but she as usual having twenty callers just when we ought to have +started, we arrived too late. Vinnie begged of me to go with her +instead to the American chapel; she must and would sing hymns, and +really did sing them very well. + +The chapel was bare. On the walls the ten commandments and a few other +quotations from Holy Writ, and above a small altar, "Do this in +remembrance of me," in Gothic lettering. I had to endure the hymns, the +sermon (awful), and the reading aloud of the ten commandments, with +muttered protestations and Amens after each one from the reverent +Americans. When we went out I said nothing, as I did not know whether +Vinnie might not be somewhat moved, for she sang at the end with great +emotion. However, she merely took my arm and exclaimed: "That minister +was the most stupid donkey I have ever heard in my life; but it is nice +to sing." Then she began a refutation of the sermon, which had hinged +chiefly on the words: "_Thy sins are forgiven thee_," and of the +unspeakable delight it should be to hear this. Vinnie thought that no +rational being would give a fig for forgiveness, unless there followed +with it a complete reinstatement of previous condition. What am I +benefitted if ever so many heavenly beings say to me: "I _pretend_ you +have not done it" if I know that I have! + +The last week in October we saw marvellous Northern Lights in Rome. The +northern half of the heavens, about nine o'clock in the evening, turned +a flaming crimson, and white streaks traversed the red, against which +the stars shone yellow, while every moment bluish flashes shot across +the whole. When I discovered it I went up to the Reams' and fetched +Vinnie down into the street to see it. It was an incredibly beautiful +atmospheric phenomenon. Next evening it manifested itself again, on a +background of black clouds, and that was the last beautiful sight upon +which Vinnie and I looked together. + +Next evening I wrote: + + Vinnie Ream leaves to-morrow morning; I said good-bye to her this + evening. Unfortunately a great many people were there. She took my hand + and said: "I wish you everything good in the world, and I know that you + wish me the same." And then: Good-bye. A door opens, and a door closes, + and people never meet again on this earth, never again, never--and + human language has never been able to discover any distinction between + good-bye for an hour, and good-bye forever. People sit and chat, smile + and jest. Then you get up, and the story is finished. Over! over! And + that is the end of all stories, says Andersen. + + All one's life one quarrels with people as dear to one as Ploug is to + me. I have a well-founded hope that I may see Rudolph Schmidt's profile + again soon, and a hundred times again after that; but Vinnie I shall + never see again. + + I did not understand her at first; I had a few unpleasant conjectures + ready. I had to have many conversations with her before I understood her + ingenuousness, her ignorance, her thorough goodness, in short, all her + simple healthiness of soul. Over! + + When I was teasing her the other day about all the time I had wasted in + her company, she replied: "_People do not waste time with their + friends_," and when I exclaimed: "What do I get from you?" she + answered, laughing: + + "_Inspiration_." And that was the truth. Those great brown eyes, + the firm eyebrows, the ringleted mass of chestnut brown hair and the + fresh mouth--all this that I still remember, but perhaps in three months + shall no longer be able to recall, the quick little figure, now + commanding, now deprecating, is to me a kind of inspiration. I have + never been in love with Vinnie; but most people would think so, to hear + the expressions I am now using. But I love her as a friend, as a mind + akin to my own. There were thoughts of our brains and strings of our + hearts, which always beat in unison. Peace be with her! May the cursed + world neither rend her nor devour her; may she die at last with the + clear forehead she has now! I am grateful to her. She has communicated + to me a something good and simple that one cannot see too much of and + that one scarcely ever sees at all. Finally, she has shown me again the + spectacle of a human being entirely happy, and good because happy, a + soul without a trace of bitterness, an intellect whose work is not a + labour. + + It is not that Vinnie is--or rather was, since she is dead for me--an + educated girl in the Copenhagen sense of the word. The verdict of the + Danish educational establishments upon her would be that she was a + deplorably uneducated girl. She was incomprehensibly dull at languages. + She would be childishly amused at a jest or joke or compliment as old as + the hills (such as the Italians were fond of using), and think it new, + for she knew nothing of the European storehouse of stereotyped remarks + and salted drivel. Her own conversation was new; a breath of the + independence of the great Republic swept through it. She was no fine + lady, she was _an American girl_, who had not attained her rank by + birth, or through inherited riches, but had fought for it herself with a + talent that had made its way to the surface without early training, + through days and nights of industry, and a mixture of enthusiasm and + determination. + + She was vain; she certainly was that. But again like a child, delighted + at verses in her honour in the American papers, pleased at homage and + marks of distinction, but far more ambitious than vain of personal + advantages. She laughed when we read in the papers of Vinnie Ream, that, + in spite of the ill-fame creative lady artists enjoy, far from being a + monster with green eyes, she ventured to be beautiful. + + She was a good girl. There was a certain deep note about all that her + heart uttered. She had a mind of many colours. And there was the very + devil of a rush and Forward! March! about her, _always in a hurry_. + + And now--no Roman elegy--I will hide her away in my memory: + + Here lies + VINNIE REAM + Sculptor + of Washington, U.S.A. + Six-and-twenty years of age + This recollection of her is retained by + One who knew her + for seventeen days + and will never forget her. + +I have really never seen Vinnie Ream since. We exchanged a few letters +after her departure, and the rest was silence. + +Her statue of Abraham Lincoln stands now in a rotunda on the Capitol, +for which it was ordered. Later, a Congress Committee ordered from her +a statue of Admiral Farragut, which is likewise erected in Washington. +These are the only two statues that the government of the United States +has ever ordered from a woman. Other statues of hers which I have seen +mentioned bear the names of _Miriam, The West, Sappho, The Spirit of +Carnival_, etc. Further than this, I only know that she married Richard +L. Hoxie, an engineer, and only a few years ago was living in +Washington. + + +XLIII. + +It was a real trouble to me that the Pope, in his exasperation over the +conquest of Rome--in order to make the accomplished revolution recoil +also on the heads of the foreigners whom he perhaps suspected of +sympathy with the new order of things--had closed the Vatican and all +its collections. Rome was to me first and foremost Michael Angelo's +Sistine Chapel, Raphael's Stanzas and Loggias, and now all this +magnificent array, which I had travelled so far to see, was closed to +me by an old man's bad temper. + +But there was still enough to linger over in Rome. The two palaces that +seemed to me most deserving of admiration were the Farnese and the +Cancellaria, the former Michael Angelo's, the latter Bramante's work, +the first a perpetuation in stone of beauty and power, the second, of +grace and lightness. I felt that if one were to take a person with no +idea of architecture and set him in front of these buildings, there +would fall like scales from his eyes, and he would say: "Now I know +what the building art means." + +Luini's exquisite painting, _Vanity and Modesty_, in the Galleria +Sciarra, impressed me profoundly. It represented two women, one +nun-like, the other magnificently dressed. The latter is Leonardo's +well-known type, as a magically fascinating personality. Its essential +feature is a profoundly serious melancholy, but the beauty of the +figure is seductive. She is by no means smiling, and yet she looks as +though a very slight alteration would produce a smile, and as though +the heavens themselves would open, if smile she did. The powerful +glance of the dark blue eyes is in harmony with the light-brown hair +and the lovely hands. "It would be terrible to meet in real life a +woman who looked like that," I wrote; "for a man would grow desperate +at his inability to win her and desperate because the years must +destroy such a marvel. That is why the gracious gods have willed it +otherwise; that is why she does not exist. That is why she is only a +vision, a revelation, a painting, and that is why she was conceived in +the brain of Leonardo, the place on earth most favoured by the gods, +and executed by Luini, that all generations might gaze at her without +jealousy, and without dread of the molestations of Time." + +One day, at the Museo Kircheriano, where I was looking at the admirable +antiquities, I made acquaintance with a Jesuit priest, who turned out +to be exceedingly pleasant and refined, a very decent fellow, in fact. +He spoke Latin to me, and showed me round; at an enquiry of mine, he +fetched from his quarters in the Collegio Romano a book with +reproductions from the pagan section of the Lateran Museum, and +explained to me some bas-reliefs which I had not understood. His +obligingness touched me, his whole attitude made me think. Hitherto I +had only spoken to one solitary embryo Jesuit,--a young Englishman who +was going to Rome to place himself at the service of the Pope, and who +was actuated by the purest enthusiasm; I was struck by the fact that +this second Jesuit, too, seemed to be a worthy man. It taught me how +independent individual worth is of the nature of one's convictions. + +Most of the Italians I had so far been acquainted with were simple +people, my landlord and his family, and those who visited them, and I +sometimes heard fragments of conversation which revealed the common +people's mode of thought to me. In one house that I visited, the +mistress discovered that her maid was not married to her so-called +husband, a matter in which, for that matter, she was very blameless, +since her parents had refused their consent, and she had afterwards +allowed herself to be abducted. Her mistress reproached her for the +illegal relations existing. She replied, "If God wishes to plunge +anyone into misery, that person is excused."--"We must not put the +blame of everything upon God," said the mistress.--"Yes, yes," replied +the girl unabashed; "then if the Devil wishes to plunge a person into +misery, the person is excused."--"Nor may we put the blame of our +wrongdoing on the Devil," said the mistress.--"Good gracious," said the +girl, "it must be the fault of one or other of them, everybody knows +that. If it is not the one, it is the other." + +At the house of the Blanchettis, who had come to Rome, I met many Turin +and Roman gentlemen. They were all very much taken up by an old +Sicilian chemist of the name of Muratori, who claimed that he had +discovered a material which looked like linen, but was impervious to +bullets, sword-cuts, bayonet-thrusts, etc. Blanchetti himself had fired +his revolver at him at two paces, and the ball had fallen flat to the +ground. There could be no question of juggling; Muratori was an +honourable old Garibaldist who had been wounded in his youth, and now +went about on crutches, but, since we have never heard of its being +made practical use of, it would seem that there was nothing in it. + +I did not care to look up all the Italians to whom I had introductions +from Villari. But I tried my luck with a few of them. The first was Dr. +Pantaleoni, who had formerly been banished from the Papal States and +who left the country as a radical politician, but now held almost +conservative views. He had just come back, and complained bitterly of +all the licentiousness. "Alas!" he said, "we have freedom enough now, +but order, order!" Pantaleoni was a little, eager, animated man of +fifty, very much occupied, a politician and doctor, and he promised to +introduce me to all the scholars whose interests I shared. As I felt +scruples at taking up these gentlemen's time, he exclaimed wittily: "My +dear fellow, take up their time! To take his time is the greatest +service you can render to a Roman; he never knows what to do to kill +it!" + +The next man I went to was Prince Odescalchi, one of the men who had +then recently risen to the surface, officially termed the hero of the +Young Liberals. Pantaleoni had dubbed him a blockhead, and he had not +lied. He turned out to be a very conceited and frothy young man with a +parting all over his head, fair to whiteness, of strikingly Northern +type, with exactly the same expressionless type of face as certain of +the milksops closely connected with the Court in Denmark. + + +XLIV. + +There were a great many Scandinavians in Rome; they foregathered at the +various eating-houses and on a Saturday evening at the Scandinavian +Club. Some of them were painters, sculptors and architects, with their +ladies, there were some literary and scientific men and every +description of tourists on longer or shorter visits to the Eternal +City. I held myself aloof from them. Most of them had their good +qualities, but they could not stand the test of any association which +brought them into too close contact with one another, as life in a +small town does. They were divided up into camps or hives, and in every +hive ruled a lady who detested the queen bee of the next one. So it +came about that the Scandinavians lived in perpetual squabbles, could +not bear one another, slandered one another, intrigued against one +another. When men got drunk on the good Roman wine at the _osterie_, +they abused one another and very nearly came to blows. Moreover, they +frequently got drunk, for most of them lost their self-control after a +few glasses. Strangely enough, in the grand surroundings, too much of +the Northern pettiness came to the surface in them. One was continually +tempted to call out to the ladies, in Holberg's words: "Hold your +peace, you good women!" and to the men: "Go away, you rapscallions, and +make up your quarrels!" + +There were splendid young fellows among the artists, but the painters, +who were in the majority, readily admitted that technically they could +learn nothing at all in Rome, where they never saw a modern painting; +they said themselves that they ought to be in Paris, but the +authorities in Christiania and Copenhagen were afraid of Paris: thence +all bad and dangerous influences proceeded, and so the painters still +journey to Rome, as their fathers did before them. + + +XLV. + +Towards the middle of November the Pope opened the Vatican. But in face +of the enormous conflux of people, it was not easy to get a _permesso_ +from the consul, and that could not be dispensed with. I had just made +use of one for the Vatican sculpture collection, one day, when I felt +very unwell. I ascribed my sensations at first to the insufferable +weather of that month, alternately sirocco and cold sleet, or both at +once; then I was seized with a dread of the climate, of Rome, of all +these strange surroundings, and I made up my mind to go home as quickly +as possible. The illness that was upon me was, without my knowing it, +the cause of my fear. The next day I was carried downstairs by two +vile-smelling labourers and taken by Vilhelm Rosenstand the painter, +who was one of the few who had made friends with me and shown me +kindness, to the Prussian hospital on the Tarpeian Rock, near the +Capitol. + +Here a bad attack of typhoid fever held me prisoner in my bed for some +few months, after a compatriot, who had no connection whatever with me, +had been so inconsiderate as to inform my parents by telegraph how ill +I was, and that there was little hope for me. + +The first month I was not fully conscious; I suffered from a delusion +of coercion. Thus it seemed to me that the left side of my bed did not +belong to me, but to another man, who sometimes took the place; and +that I myself was divided into several persons, of which one, for +instance, asked my legs to turn a little to the one side or the other. +One of these persons was Imperialist, and for that reason disliked by +the others, who were Republicans; nevertheless, he performed great +kindnesses for them, making them more comfortable, when it was in his +power. Another strangely fantastic idea that held sway for a long time +was that on my head, the hair of which had been shorn by the hospital +attendant rather less artistically than one cuts a dog's, there was a +clasp of pearls and precious stones, which I felt but could not see. + +Afterwards, all my delusions centred on food. + +I was very much neglected at the hospital. The attendance was wretched. +The highly respected German doctor, who was appointed to the place, had +himself an immense practice, and moreover was absolutely taken up by +the Franco-Prussian war. Consequently, he hardly ever came, sometimes +stayed away as long as thirteen days at a stretch, during all which +time a patient who might happen to be suffering, say, from +constipation, must lie there without any means of relief. My bed was as +hard as a stone, and I was waked in the night by pains in my body and +limbs; the pillow was so hard that the skin of my right ear was rubbed +off from the pressure. There were no nurses. There was only one +custodian for the whole hospital, a Russian fellow who spoke German, +and who sometimes had as many as fourteen patients at a time to look +after, but frequently went out to buy stores, or visit his sweetheart, +and then all the patients could ring at once without any one coming. +After I had passed the crisis of my illness, and consequently began to +suffer terribly from hunger, I was ordered an egg for my breakfast; I +sometimes had to lie for an hour and a half, pining for this egg. Once, +for three days in succession, there were no fresh eggs to be had. So he +would bring for my breakfast nothing but a small piece of dry bread. +One day that I was positively ill with hunger, I begged repeatedly for +another piece of bread, but he refused it me. It was not malice on his +part, but pure stupidity, for he was absolutely incapable of +understanding how I felt. And to save fuel, he let me suffer from cold, +as well as from hunger; would never put more than one wretched little +stick at a time into the stove. Everything was pinched to an incredible +extent. Thus it was impossible for me to get a candle in the evening +before it was absolutely dark, and then never more than one, although +it made my eyes water to try to read. Candles and firing, it appears, +were not put down in the bill. And yet this hospital is kept up on +subscriptions from all the great Powers, so there must be someone into +whose pockets the money goes. Most of us survived it; a few died who +possibly might have been kept alive; one was preserved for whom the +Danish newspapers have beautiful obituaries ready. + +Over my head, in the same building, there lived a well-known German +archaeologist, who was married to a Russian princess of such colossal +physical proportions that Roman popular wits asserted that when she +wished to go for a drive she had to divide herself between two cabs. +This lady had a great talent for music. I never saw her, but I became +aware of her in more ways than one: whenever she crossed the floor on +the third story, the ceiling shook, and the boards creaked, in a manner +unbearable to an invalid. And just when I had settled myself off, and +badly wanted to sleep, towards eleven o'clock at night, the heavy lady +above would sit down at her grand piano, and make music that would have +filled a concert hall resound through the place. + +After a month had passed, the doctor declared that I had "turned the +corner," and might begin to take a little food besides the broth that +up till then had been my only nourishment. A little later, I was +allowed to try to get up. I was so weak that I had to begin to learn to +walk again; I could not support myself on my legs, but dragged myself, +with the help of the custodian, the four or five steps from the bed to +a sofa. + +Just at this time I received two letters from Copenhagen, containing +literary enquiries and offers. The first was from the editor of the +_Illustrated Times_, and enquired whether on my return home I would +resume the theatrical criticisms in the paper; in that case they would +keep the position open for me. I gave a negative reply, as I was tired +of giving my opinion on a Danish drama. The second letter, which +surprised me more, was from the editor of the, at that time, powerful +_Daily Paper_, Steen Bille, offering me the entire management of the +paper after the retirement of Molbech, except so far as politics were +concerned, the editor naturally himself retaining the latter. As Danish +things go, it was a very important offer to a young man. It promised +both influence and income, and it was only my profound and +ever-increasing determination not to give myself up to journalism that +made me without hesitation dictate a polite refusal. I was still to +weak to write. My motive was simply and solely that I wished to devote +my life to knowledge. But Bille, who knew what power in a little +country like Denmark his offer would have placed in my hands, hardly +understood it in this way, and was exceedingly annoyed at my refusal. +It gave the first impulse to his altered feeling toward me. I have +sometimes wondered since whether my fate in Denmark might not have been +different had I accepted the charge. It is true that the divergence +between what the paper and I, in the course of the great year 1871, +came to represent, would soon have brought about a split. The Commune +in Paris caused a complete _volte face_ of the liberal bourgeoisie in +Denmark, as elsewhere. + + +XLVI. + +While I was still too weak to write, I received a letter from Henrik +Ibsen (dated December 20, 1870), which impressed me greatly. Henrik +Ibsen and I had been on friendly terms with one another since April, +1866, but it was only about this time that our intimacy began to emit +sparks, an intimacy which was destined to have a very widening +influence upon me, and which is perhaps not without traces on the +stages of his poetical progress. + +Ibsen thought I had already recovered, and wrote to me as to a +convalescent. He complained bitterly of the conquest of Rome by the +Italians: Rome was now taken from "us men" and given over to the +"politicians"; it had been a spot sacred to peace, and was so no +longer.--This assertion was at variance with my religion. It seemed to +me unpermissible to desire, for aesthetic reasons, to see the +restoration of an ecclesiastical régime, with its remorseless system of +oppression. Human happiness and intellectual progress were worth more +than the retention of the idylls of naiveté. I replied to him by +declaring my faith in freedom and soon he outdid me in this, as in +other domains. + +But there was one other part of the letter that went to my heart and +rejoiced me. It was where Ibsen wrote that what was wanted was a revolt +in the human mind, and in that I ought to be one of the leaders. These +words, which were in exact agreement with my own secret hope, fired my +imagination, ill though I was. It seemed to me that after having felt +myself isolated so long, I had at last met with the mind that +understood me and felt as I did, a real fellow-fighter. As soon as I +was once more fit to use my pen, I wrote a flaming reply in verse +(headed, The Hospital in Rome, the night of January 9, 1871). In it I +described how solitary I had been, in my intellectual fight and +endeavour, and expressed my contentment at having found a brother in +him. + + +XLVII. + +Among the Danes, and there were not many of them, who frequently came +to see me at the hospital, I must mention the kind and tactful musician +Niels Ravnkilde, whom I had known when I was a child. He had been +living in Rome now for some twenty years. He was gentle and quiet, +good-looking, short of stature, modest and unpretending, too weak of +character not to be friends with everyone, but equipped with a natural +dignity. When a young music master in Copenhagen, he had fallen in love +with a young, wealthy girl, whose affections he succeeded in winning in +return, but he was turned out of the house by her harsh, purse-proud +father, and in desperation had left Denmark to settle down in Rome. As +his lady-love married soon after and became a contented wife and +mother, he remained where he was. He succeeded in making his way. + +He gradually became a favourite teacher of music among the ladies of +the Roman aristocracy, who sometimes invited him to their +country-houses in the Summer. He was on a good footing with the native +maestros most in request, who quickly understood that the modest Dane +was no dangerous rival. Graceful as Ravnkilde was in his person, so he +was in his art; there was nothing grand about him. But he was clever, +and had a natural, unaffected wit. His difficult position as a master +had taught him prudence and reserve. He was obligingness personified to +travelling Scandinavians, and was proud of having, as he thought, made +the acquaintance in Rome of the flower of the good society of the +Northern countries. Even long after he had come to the front, he +continued to live in the fourth storey apartment of the Via Ripetta, +where he had taken up his abode on his arrival in Rome, waited upon by +the same simple couple. His circumstances could not improve, if only +for the reason that he sent what he had to spare to relatives of his in +Copenhagen, who had a son who was turning out badly, and lived by +wasting poor Ravnkilde's savings. After having been the providence of +all Danish travellers to Rome for thirty years, certain individuals who +had influence with the government succeeded in obtaining a distinction +for him. The government then gave him, not even the poor little +decoration that he ought to have had twenty years before, +but--brilliant idea!--awarded him the title of _Professor_, which in +Italian, of course, he had always been, and which was a much more +insignificant title than _Maestro_, by which he was regularly called. + +Ravnkilde wrote my letters at the hospital for me, and the day I came +out we drove away together to the French restaurant to celebrate the +occasion by a dinner. + +I went from there up to Monte Pincio in a glorious sunshine, rejoiced +to see the trees again, and the people in their Sunday finery, and the +lovely women's faces, as well as at being able to talk to people once +more. It was all like new life in a new world. I met a good many +Scandinavians, who congratulated me, and a young savant, Giuseppe +Saredo, who, as professor of law, had been removed from Siena to Rome, +and with whom, at the house of dall'Ongaro at Florence, I had had some +delightful talks. We decided that we would keep in touch with one +another. + + +XLVIII. + +It was only this one day, however, that happiness and the sun shone +upon me. On the morrow pains in my right leg, in which there was a vein +swollen, made me feel very unwell. So ignorant was the doctor that he +declared this to be of no importance, and gave me a little ointment +with which to rub my leg. But I grew worse from day to day, and after a +very short time my leg was like a lump of lead. I was stretched once +more for some months on a sick-bed, and this weakened me the more since +very heroic measures were used in the treatment of the complaint, a +violent attack of phlebitis. The leg was rubbed every day from the sole +of the foot to the hip with mercury ointment, which could not be +without its effect on my general health. + +Still, I kept up my spirits finely. Among the Scandinavians who showed +me kindness at this time I gratefully remember the Danish painters +Rosenstand and Mackeprang, who visited me regularly and patiently, and +my friend Walter Runeberg, the Finnish sculptor, whose cheerfulness did +me good. + +Other Scandinavians with whom I was less well acquainted came to see me +now and again, but they had one very annoying habit. It was customary +at that time for all letters to be addressed, for greater security, to +the Danish consulate, which served the purpose of a general +Scandinavian consulate. Anyone who thought of coming to see me would +fetch what letters had arrived for me that day and put them in his +pocket to bring me. The letters I ought to have had at ten o'clock in +the morning I generally received at seven in the evening. But these +gentlemen often forgot to pay their visit at all, or did not get time, +and then it would happen that after having gone about with the letters +in their pockets for a few days, they took them back to the consulate, +whence they were sent to me, once, three days late. As my whole life on +my sick-bed was one constant, painful longing for letters from home, +the more so as my mother, all the time I was in bed, was lying +dangerously ill, I felt vexed at the thoughtless behaviour of my +compatriots. + +However, I had not travelled so far to meet Northmen, and I learnt far +more from the one Italian who sat by my bedside day after day, Giuseppe +Saredo. It was amusing to note the difference between his ways and the +Northmen's. He did not come in; he exploded. At six o'clock in the +evening, he would rush in without knocking at the door, shouting at one +and the same time Italian to the people of the house, and French to me. +He talked at a furious rate, and so loudly that people who did not know +might have fancied we were quarrelling, and he changed his seat once a +minute, jumped up from the easy chair and seated himself half in the +window, began a sentence there and finished it sitting on my bed. And +every second or third day he either himself brought books to entertain +me or sent large parcels by a messenger. + +He had risen to be professor at the University of the the capital, +without ever having been either student or graduate. His family were +too poor for him to study. For many years, when a lad, he had never +eaten dinner. His occupation, when at last he began to get on, was that +of proof-reader in a printing establishment, but he tried to add to his +income by writing melodramas for the boulevard theatres in Turin. + +He thought he had written over fifty. He told me: "The manager +generally came to me on a Sunday, when we were at liberty, and said: +'We must have a new play for next Sunday.' On Monday the first act was +finished, on Tuesday the second, etc.; and every act was delivered as +it was written, and the parts allotted. Sometimes the last act was only +finished on Saturday morning, which, however, would not prevent the +piece being played on Sunday evening." In a number of the _Revue des +deux Mondes_ for 1857 we found Saredo mentioned among the +melodramatists of Italy. This must have been ferreted out privately, +since he always wrote these melodramas anonymously, he having +determined, with naïve conceit, "not to stain his future reputation." +When he was twenty-one, he tried to raise himself from this rank to +that of a journalist, and succeeded; he sent all sorts of articles to +three newspapers. From his twenty-first to his twenty-fourth year he +wrote for the daily papers, and wrote gay accounts of the volatile +lives of young Italian journalists with the ladies of the theatres. +Then he fell in love with the lady who later became his wife (known as +a novelist under the pseudonym of Ludovico de Rosa), and from that time +forth never looked at another woman. All his life he cherished a great +admiration for his wife and gratitude towards her. + +When he had commenced his legal work, he strained every nerve to the +utmost, and obtained his professorships in the various towns through +competition, without having followed the usual University path. "I have +always had the most unshaken faith in my star," he said one day, "even +when, from hunger or despair, thoughts of suicide occurred to me. When +I broke my black bread, I said to myself: 'The day will come when I +shall eat white.'" + +Like all Italians at that time, Saredo detested and despised modern +France. As far as reconquered Rome was concerned, he regarded her with +sorrowful eyes. "There are only nobility, ecclesiastics, and workmen +here," he said; "no middle classes, no industry and no trade. Absurd +tariff laws have up till now shut off the Papal States from the +surrounding world. And what a government! A doctor, who after his +second visit did not make his patient confess to a priest, lost his +official post, if he happened to hold one, and was in any case sent to +prison for five months. A doctor who did not go to Mass a certain +number of times during the week was prohibited practising. The huge +number of tied-up estates made buying and selling very difficult. The +new government has struck the nobility a fatal blow by abolishing +entailed property and lands. The calling in of the ecclesiastical +property by the State is giving the towns a chance to breathe." + +Whenever I revisited Italy, I saw Saredo. His heroism during the +inquiries into the irregularities in Naples in 1900-1901 made his name +beloved and himself admired in his native country. He died in 1902, the +highest life official in Italy; since 1897 he had been President of the +Council. + + +XLIX. + +I came under an even greater debt of gratitude than to Saredo, to the +good-natured people in whose house I lay ill. I was as splendidly +looked after as if I had made it a specified condition that I should be +nursed in case of illness. + +My landlady, Maria, especially, was the most careful nurse, and the +best creature in the world, although she had the physiognomy of a +regular Italian criminal, when her face was in repose. The moment she +spoke, however, her features beamed with maternal benevolence. After +the hospital, it was a decided change for the better. I was under no +one's tyranny and did not feel as though I were in prison; I could +complain if my food was bad, and change _trattoria_, when I myself +chose. Everything was good. + +As long as I was well, I had taken hardly any notice of the people in +the house, hardly exchanged a word with them; I was out all day, and +either hastily asked them to do my room, or to put a little on the +fire. It was only when I fell ill that I made their acquaintance. + +Let me quote from my notes at the time: + +Maria is forty, but looks nearly sixty. Her husband is a joiner, a +stout, good-looking man, who works all day for his living, and has a +shop. Then there is Maria's niece, the nineteen-year-old Filomena, a +tall, handsome girl. Every evening they have fine times, laugh, sing, +and play cards. On Sunday evening they go out to the fair (_alla +fiera_) and look at the things without buying. Others have to pay a +lire to go in, but they go in free, as they know some of the people. On +festival occasions Maria wears a silk dress. + +There is a crucifix over my bed, an oleograph of the Madonna and child +and a heart, embroidered with gold on white, horribly pierced by the +seven swords of pain, which were supposed to be nails; on the centre of +the heart, you read, partly in Latin, partly in Greek letters: + +JESU XPI PASSIO. + +All the same, Maria is very sceptical. Yesterday, on the evening of my +birthday, we had the following conversation: + +_Myself_: "Here you celebrate your saints' day; not your birthday; but, +you know, up in the North we have not any saints"--and, thinking it +necessary to add a deep-drawn religious sigh, I continued: "We think it +enough to believe in God." "Oh! yes," she said slowly, and then, a +little while after: "That, too, is His own business." "How?" "Well," +she said, "You know that I am dreadfully ignorant; I know nothing at +all, but I think a great deal. There are these people now who are +always talking about the Lord. I think it is all stuff. When I married, +they said to me: 'May it please the Lord that your husband be good to +you.' I thought: If I had not been sensible enough to choose a good +husband, it would not help me much what should please the Lord. Later +on they said: 'May it please the Lord to give you sons.' I had some, +but they died when they were little ones. Then I thought to myself: 'If +my husband and I do not do something in the matter, it won't be much +use for the Lord to be pleased to give them to us. Nature, too, has +something to say to it. (_Anche la natura è una piccola cosa_.) You +have no idea, sir, how we have suffered from priests here in the Papal +State. Everyone had to go to Confession, and as of course they did not +wish to confess their own sins, they confessed other people's,--and +told lies, too,--and in that way the priests knew everything. If the +priest had heard anything about a person, he or she would get a little +ticket from him: 'Come to me at such and such a time! 'Then, when the +person went, he would say: 'Are you mad to live with such and such a +person without being married!'--and all the while he himself had a +woman and a nest full of children. Then he would say: 'I won't have you +in my parish,' and he would publish the poor thing's secret to the +whole world. Or, if he were more exasperated, he would say: 'Out of the +Pope's country!' and send for a few carabineers; they would take one to +a cart and drive one to the frontier; there, there were fresh +carabineers, who took one farther--and all without trial, or any +enquiry. Often the accusation was false. But we were ruled by spies, +and all their power was based on the confessional, which is nothing but +spying. Shortly before Easter, a priest came and counted how many there +were in the house. If afterwards there were one who did not go to mass, +then his name was stuck up on the church door as an infidel, in +disgrace. It is many years now since I have been to any confessor. When +I die, I shall say: 'God, forgive me my sins and my mistakes,' and +shall die in peace without any priest." + +Whatever we talk about, Maria always comes back to her hatred of the +priests. The other day, we were speaking of the annoyance I had been +subjected to by a compatriot of mine, K.B., who came to see me, but +looked more particularly at a large _fiasco_ I had standing there, +containing four bottles of Chianti. He tasted the wine, which was very +inferior, declared it 'nice,' and began to drink, ten glasses straight +off. At first he was very polite to me, and explained that it was +impossible to spend a morning in a more delightful manner than by +visiting the Sistine Chapel first, and me in my sick-room afterwards, +but by degrees he became ruder and ruder, and as his drunkenness +increased I sank in his estimation. At last he told me that I was +intolerably conceited, and started abusing me thoroughly. Lying +defenceless in bed, and unable to move, I was obliged to ring for +Maria, and whisper to her to fetch a few gentlemen from the +Scandinavian Club, who could take the drunken man home, after he had +wasted fully six hours of my day. I managed in this way to get him out +of the door. He was hardly gone than Maria burst out: "_Che +porcheria!_" and then added, laughing, to show me her knowledge of +languages: "_Cochonnerie, Schweinerei!_" She has a remarkable memory +for the words she has heard foreigners use. She knows a number of +French words, which she pronounces half like Italian, and she also +knows a little Russian and a little German, having, when a young girl, +kept house for a Russian prince and his family. + +"I feel," she said to me, "that I could have learnt both French and +German easily, if I could have _compared_ them in a book. But I can +neither read nor write. These wretched priests have kept us in +ignorance. And now I am old and good for nothing. I was forty a little +while ago, and that is too old to learn the alphabet. Do you know, +signore, how it originally came about that I did not believe, and +despised the priests? I was twelve years old, and a tall girl, and a +very good-looking girl, too, though you cannot see that, now that I am +old and ugly." (You can see it very plainly, for her features are +haughty and perfectly pure of line; it is only that her expression, +when she sits alone, is sinister.) "I lost my father when I was five +years old. About that time my mother married again, and did not trouble +herself any more about me, as she had children with her new husband. So +I was left to myself, and ran about the streets, and became absolutely +ungovernable, from vivacity, life, and mischief, for I was naturally a +very lively child. Then one day I met a mule, alone; the man had left +it; I climbed up, and seated myself upon it, and rode about, up and +down the street, until a dog came that frightened the mule and it +kicked and threw me over its head. There I lay, with a broken +collar-bone, and some of the bone stuck out through the skin. Then a +doctor came and wanted to bind it up for me, but I was ashamed for him +to see my breast, and would not let him. He said: 'Rubbish! I have seen +plenty of girls.' So I was bound up and for six weeks had to lie quite +still. In the meantime a priest, whom they all called Don Carlo--I do +not know why they said Don--came to see me, and when I was a little +better and only could not move my left arm, he said to me one day, +would I go and weed in his garden, and he would give me money for it. +So I went every day into the garden, where I could very well do the +work with one arm. He came down to me, brought me sweets and other +things, and asked me to be his friend. I pretended not to understand. +He said, too, how pretty I was, and such things. Then at last one day, +he called me into his bedroom, and first gave me sweets, and then set +me on his knee. I did not know how to get away. Then I said to him: 'It +is wrong, the Madonna would not like it.' Do you know, sir, what he +replied? He said: 'Child! there is no Madonna (_non c'è Madonna_) she +is only a bridle for the common people' (_è un freno per il populo +basso_). Then I was anxious to run away, and just then my mother passed +by the garden, and as she did not see me there, called, 'Anna Maria! +Anna Maria!' I said: 'Mother is calling me,' and ran out of the room. +Then mother said to me: 'What did the priest say to you, and what did +he do to you? You were in his bedroom.' I said: 'Nothing'; but when my +mother went to confession, instead of confessing her sins, she said +over and over again to him: 'What have you done to my daughter? I will +have my daughter examined, to see what sort of a man you are.' He +declared: 'I will have you shot if you do' (_una buona schioppettata_). +So mother did not dare to go farther in the matter. But she would not +believe me." + +Here we were interrupted by the Russian woman from next door coming in; +she is married, more or less, to a waiter, and she complained of his +volatility, and cried with jealousy. "Once I was just as weak," said +Maria. "When I was newly married I was so jealous of my husband, that I +could neither eat nor drink if any one came to me and said: 'This +evening he is with such and such a one.' If I tried to eat, I was sick +at once. I am just as fond of him as I was then, but I am cured now. If +I saw his infidelity with my own eyes, I should not feel the least bit +hurt about it. Then, I could have strangled him." + + + + +FILOMENA + +Italian Landladies--The Carnival--The Moccoli Feast--Filomena's Views + + +Filomena sings lustily from early morning till late at night, and her +name suits her. The Greek Philomela has acquired this popular form, and +in use is often shortened to Filomé. + +The other day I made her a present of a bag of English biscuits. Her +face beamed as I have never besides seen anything beam but the face of +my _cafetière_--he is a boy of twelve--when now and again he gets a few +_soldi_ for bringing me my coffee or tea. Anyone who has only seen the +lighting up of Northern faces has no conception,--as even painters +admit,--of such transfiguration. Yes, indeed! Filomena's tall figure +and fresh mountain blood would freshen up the Goldschmidtian human race +to such an extent that they would become better men and women in his +next books. + +I have seen a little of the Carnival. This morning Filomena came to my +room, to fetch a large Italian flag which belongs there. "I am going to +wave it on Thursday," she said, and added, with blushing cheeks, "then +I shall have a mask on." But this evening she could not restrain +herself. For the first time during the five months I have lived here, +and for the first time during the month I have been ill, she came in +without my having called or rung for her. She had a red silk cap on, +with a gold border. "What do you say to that, sir!" she said, and her +clear laughter rang through the room. It revived my sick self to gaze +at ease at so much youth, strength and happiness; then I said a few +kind words to her, and encouraged by them she burst into a stream of +eloquence about all the enjoyment she was promising herself. This would +be the first carnival she had seen; she came from the mountains and was +going back there this Spring. She was in the seventh heaven over her +cap. She always reminds me, with her powerful frame, of the young +giantess in the fairy tale who takes up a peasant and his plough in the +hollow of her hand. + +Filomena is as tall as a moderately tall man, slenderly built, but with +broad shoulders. She impresses one as enjoying life thoroughly. She has +herself made all she wears--a poor little grey woollen skirt with an +edging of the Italian colours, which has been lengthened some nine +inches at the top by letting in a piece of shirting. A thin +red-and-black-striped jacket that she wears, a kind of loose Garibaldi, +is supposed to hide this addition, which it only very imperfectly does. +Her head is small and piquant; her hair heavy, blue-black; her eyes +light brown, of exquisite shape, smiling and kind. She has small, red +lips, and the most beautiful teeth that I remember seeing. Her +complexion is brown, unless she blushes; then it grows darker brown. +Her figure is unusually beautiful, but her movements are heavy, so that +one sees at once she is quite uneducated. Still, she has a shrug of the +shoulders, ways of turning and twisting her pretty head about, that are +absolutely charming. + +I have sent Filomena into the town to buy a pound of figs for me and +one for herself. While she is away, I reflect that I cannot +sufficiently congratulate myself on my excellent landlady, and the +others. As a rule, these Roman lodging-house keepers are, judging by +what one hears, perfect bandits. When F., the Norwegian sculptor, lay +dangerously ill, the woman in whose house he was did not even speak to +him; she went out and left him alone in the house. When the Danish +dilettante S. was at death's door, his landlady did not enter his room +once a day, or give him a drink of water, and he was obliged to keep a +servant. V.'s landlady stole an opera-glass, a frock-coat, and a great +deal of money from him. Most foreigners are swindled in a hundred +different ways; if they make a stain on the carpet, they must pay for a +new one. Maria looks after me like a mother. Every morning she rubs me +with the ointment the doctor has prescribed. When I have to have a +bath, she takes me in her arms, without any false shame, and puts me in +the water; then takes me up and puts me to bed again; after my sojourn +in the hospital, I am not very heavy. What I am most astonished at is +the indulgent delicacy of these people. For instance, Maria has +forbidden her good-natured husband, whom, like Filomena, I like to call +_Zio_ (uncle), to eat garlic (the favourite food of the Romans) while I +am ill, that I may not be annoyed in my room by the smell. I have only +to say a word, and she and her niece run all my errands for me. Indeed, +the other day, Maria exclaimed, quite indignantly: "Sir, do not say +'_when_ you go into the town, will you buy me this or that?' Are we +robbers, are we scoundrels? Only say, 'go,' and I will go." I never say +to her: "Will you do me a favour?" without her replying: "Two, sir." +Yes, and she heaps presents upon me; she and Filomena bring me, now a +bundle of firewood, now a glass of good wine, now macaroni, etc. All +the Danes who come here are astonished, and say: "You have got deucedly +good people to look after you." + +Maria's greatest pleasure is talking. She has no time for it in the +day. In the evening, however, she tidies my room slowly, entertaining +me all the time. When she has quite finished, at the time of day when +others are drowsy or go to bed, she still likes to have just a little +more conversation, and she knows that when I see she has put the last +thing into its place, her task for the day is ended, and I shall +dismiss her with a gracious _Buona sera, bon riposo!_ To put off this +moment as long as possible, she will continue to hold some object in +her hand, and, standing in the favourite position of the Romans, with +her arms akimbo, and some toilet article under her arm, will hold a +long discourse. She sometimes looks so indescribably comic that I +almost choke with suppressed laughter as we talk. + +To-day is the first day of the Carnival. So even Filomena has been out +this evening in tri-coloured trousers. + +... I am interrupted by the inmates of all the floors returning from +the Carnival, all talking at once, and coming straight in to me to show +me their dress. Amongst them from the Carnival, all talking at once, +and coming straight in to me to show me their dress. Amongst them are +guests from the mountains, tall, dark men, in exceedingly fantastic +garb. They tell me how much they have enjoyed themselves. Filomena has +naïvely made me a present of a few burnt almonds with sugar upon them, +that she has had in her trouser pockets, and informs me with impetuous +volubility how she has talked to all the people she met, "who do not +know her and whom she does not know." She has had one of my white +shirts on, which she had embroidered all over with ribbons till it +looked like a real costume. She is beaming with happiness. The +tambourine tinkles all the evening in the street; they are dancing the +tarantella to it down below, and it is difficult to go to sleep. Maria +stays behind, when the others have gone, to finish her day's work. It +is a sight for the gods to see her doing it with a gold brocade cap on +her head, and in red, white and green trousers! + +None of them guess what a torment it is to me to lie and hear about the +Carnival, which is going on a few streets from where I am lying, but +which I cannot see. When shall I spend a Winter in Rome again? And no +other Carnival will be to compare with this one after the Romans for +ten years have held altogether aloof from it, and one hardly even on +_Moccoli Eve_ saw more than two carriages full of silly Americans +pelting one another with confetti, while the porters and the French +soldiers flung jibes and dirt at each other. Now Rome is free, +jubilation breaks out at all the pores of the town, and I, although I +am in Rome, must be content to see the reflection of the festival in a +few ingenuous faces. + +It is morning. I have slept well and am enjoying the fresh air through +the open windows. Heavens! what a lovely girl is standing on the +balcony nearly opposite, in a chemise and skirt! I have never seen her +there before. Olive complexion, blue-black hair, the most beautiful +creature; I cannot see her features distinctly. Now they are throwing +something across to her from the house next door to us, on a piece of +twine; I think they are red flowers. They almost touch her, and yet she +cannot catch them, and laughing stretches out both hands a second, a +third and fourth time, equally unsuccessfully. Why, it is our Filomena, +visiting the model the other side the street. She gives up the attempt +with a little grimace, and goes in. + +Loud voices are singing the Bersagliere hymn as a duet under my window. +Verily, things are alive in _Purificazione_ to-day. The contagion of +example affects a choir of little boys who are always lying outside the +street door, and they begin to sing the Garibaldi march for all they +are worth. Our singers at the theatre at home would be glad of such +voices. The whole street is ringing now; all are singing one of Verdi's +melodies. + +I am sitting up in bed. At the side of my bed, Filomena, with her +black, heavy hair well dressed, and herself in a kind of transitional +toilette; her under-garment fine, the skirt that of a festival gown, on +account of the preparations for the Carnival; her top garment the usual +red jacket. She is standing with her hand on her hip, but this does not +make her look martial or alarming. + +_I_--You ate _magro_ to-day? (It was a fast day.) + +_She_--Good gracious! _Magro_ every day just now! + +_I_--Do you know, Filomena, that I eat _grasso_? + +_She_--Yes, and it is your duty to do so. + +_I_--Why? + +_She_--Because you are ill, and you must eat meat; the Pope himself ate +meat when he was ill. Religion does not mean that we are to injure our +health. + +_I_--How do you know, Filomena, what Religion means? + +_She_--From my Confessor. I had a little headache the other day, and he +ordered me at once to eat meat. + +_I_--The worst of it is that I have no Confessor and do not go to +church. Shall I be damned for that? + +_She_--Oh! no, sir, that does not follow! Do you think I am so stupid +as not to see that you others are far better Christians than we? You +are good; the friends who come to see you are good. The Romans, on the +other hand, who go to church one day, kill people the next, and will +not let go about the streets in peace. + +I am quite sorry that she is to go home at Easter; I shall miss her +face about the house. But I have missed more. + +Late evening. They have come back from the Carnival. Filomena came in +and presented me with an object the use of which is an enigma to me. A +roll of silver paper. Now I see what it is, a Carnival cap. My Danish +friend R. declares she has got it into her head that when I am better I +shall marry her, or rather that Maria has put it into her head. I +thought I would see how matters stood. I began talking to Maria about +marriages with foreigners. Maria mentioned how many girls from Rome and +Capri had married foreigners, but added afterwards, not without +significance, addressing me: "It is not, as you believe, and as you +said once before, that a girl born in a warm country would complain of +being taken to a cold one. If she did, she would be stupid. But a Roman +girl will not do for a foreign gentleman. The Roman girls learn too +little." + +Much, the lower classes certainly do not learn. Before I came, Filomena +did not know what ink was. Now I have discovered that she does not know +what a watch is. She reckons time by the dinner and the Ave Maria. Not +long ago her uncle spent a week in trying to teach this great child to +make and read figures, but without success. Not long ago she had to +write to her mother in the mountains, so went to a public writer, and +had it done for her. She came in to me very innocently afterwards to +know whether the right name and address were upon it. I told her that +she could very well have let me write the letter. Since then, all the +people in the house come to me when there is anything they want +written, and ask me to do it for them. + +The news of my skill has spread. Apropos of letters, I have just read +the four letters that I received to-day. Filomena is perpetually +complaining of my sweetheart's uncontrollable passion as revealed in +this writing madness. She imagines that all the letters I receive from +Denmark are from one person, and that person, of course, a woman. She +herself hardly receives one letter a year. + +I have (after careful consideration) committed a great imprudence, and +escaped without hurt. I had myself carried down the stairs, drove to +the Corso, saw the Carnival, and am back home again. I had thought +first of driving up and down the Corso in a carriage, but did not care +to be wholly smothered with confetti, especially as I had not the +strength to pelt back. Nor could I afford to have the horses and +carriage decorated. So I had a good seat in a first-floor balcony +engaged for me, first row. At 3 o'clock I got up, dressed, and was +carried down. I was much struck by the mild Summer air out of doors +(about the same as our late May), and I enjoyed meeting the masked +people in the streets we passed through. The few but rather steep +stairs up to the balcony were a difficulty. But at last I was seated, +and in spite of sickness and weakness, enjoyed the Carnival in Rome on +its most brilliant day. I was sitting nearly opposite to the high box +of Princess Margharita, from which there was not nearly so good a view +as from my seat. This was what I saw: All the balconies bedecked with +flags; red, white and green predominating. In the long, straight +street, the crowd moving in a tight mass. In between them, an up and a +down stream of carriages, drawn at a walking pace by two horses, and +forced at every moment to stop. The streets re-echoed with the jingle +of the horses' bells, and with shouts of glee at a magnificently +decorated carriage, then at some unusually beautiful women, then at a +brisk confetti fight between two carriages, or a carriage and a +balcony. And this air, re-echoing with the ring of bells, with +shouting, and with laughter, was no empty space. Anyone reaching the +Corso, as I had done, after the play had only been going on for an hour +and a half, found themselves in the midst of a positive bombardment of +tiny little aniseed balls, or of larger plaster balls, thrown by hand, +from little tin cornets, or half-bushel measures, and against which it +is necessary to protect one's self by a steel wire mask before the +face. For whilst some gentle young ladies almost pour the confetti down +from their carriages, so that it falls like a soft shower of rain, many +of the Romans fling it with such force that without a mask the eyes +might suffer considerably. The brim of one's hat, and every fold in +one's clothes, however, are full of little balls. Most people go about +with a huge, full bag by their side, others on the balconies have +immense baskets standing, which are hardly empty before they are +re-filled by eager sellers. All the ladies standing in the windows, who +were disguised as Turkish ladies, or workwomen from the port, had a +deep wooden trough, quite full, brought outside their windows, and into +this supply dipped continually--in the street, which had been covered +with soil for the sake of the horse-racing, was a crowd of people in +fancy dress, many of them having great fun, and being very amusing. One +old woman in a chemise was amongst the best. A young fellow, dressed +entirely in scarlet, more particularly amused himself by putting the +officers of the National Guard, who were walking about to keep order, +out of countenance. When they were looking especially stern, he would +go up to them and tickle them on the cheeks, and talk baby talk to +them, and they had to put the best face they could on it. The street +life and the pedestrians, however, did not attract much attention. All +the interest was centred on the carriages, and the games between them +and the windows and balconies. The people in carriages were all in +fancy dress. Amongst them one noticed charming groups of Roman ladies +in light cloaks of red silk with a red steel wire mask before their +faces, through which one could catch a glimpse of their features; there +was a swarm of delightful figures, certainly half of them in men's +clothes, armed young sailors, for instance. Fine, happy faces! And the +young men, how handsome! Not flashing eyes, as people affectedly say, +but happy eyes; a good, healthy physique, an expression which seemed to +say that they had breathed in sunshine and happiness and all the +beatitude of laziness, all the mild and good-humoured comfort of +leisure, all their lives long. One party had a colossal cart with +outriders and postilions, and hung in the yards and stood on the +thwarts of a large cutter poised upon it, in becoming naval officers' +dress, flinging magnificent bouquets to all the beautiful ladies who +drove past. The bouquets would have cost several lire each, and they +flung them by the hundred, so they must have been young fellows of +means. The throwing of confetti is merely bellicose and ordinary. +Infinitely more interesting is the coquettish, ingratiating, genuinely +Italian flinging backwards and forwards of bouquets. The grace and +charm of the manner in which they are flung and caught, nothing can +surpass; there may be real passion in the way in which six or seven +bouquets in succession are flung at one and the same lady, who never +omits to repay in similar coin. One carriage was especially beautiful; +it had a huge square erection upon it, entirely covered with artificial +roses and greenery, which reached almost to the second storey of the +houses, and upon it, in two rows, facing both sides of the streets, +stood the loveliest Roman girls imaginable, flinging bouquets +unceasingly. Most of the carriages have tall poles sticking up with a +crossway bar at the top, and there are bouquets on every bar, so there +is a constant supply to draw from. Beautiful Princess Margharita was, +of course, the object of much homage, although her balcony was on the +second floor. One form this took was very graceful. A few young +gentlemen in blue and white drove slowly past; one of them had a large +flat basket filled with lovely white roses; he stuck a long halberd +through the handle and hoisted the basket up to the Princess, being +richly rewarded with bouquets. One wag hit upon an idea that was a +brilliant success. At five o'clock he sent a bladder, in the shape of a +huge turkey, up in the flickering sunlight. It was so fixed up as to +move its head about, with an expression of exceedingly ridiculous +sentimentality, now to the right, now caressingly to the left, as it +ascended. The whole Corso rang again with laughter and clapping. The +horse-racing at the end was not of much account. The horses start +excited by the rocket let off at their tails, and by all the sharp +pellets hanging around about them, to say nothing of the howling of the +crowd. At six o'clock I was at home and in bed. + +K.B. has been here to see me; Filomena hates and despises him from the +bottom of her heart since the day that he got drunk on my wine. When he +was gone she said: "_Brutta bestia_, I forgot to look whether he was +clean to-day." She and Maria declare that he is the only one of all my +acquaintances who does not wear clean linen. This point of cleanliness +is a mild obsession of Filomena's just now. She prides herself greatly +on her cleanliness, and asks me every day whether she is clean or not. +She is a new convert to cleanliness, and renegades or newly initiated +people are in all religions the most violent. When I came to the house, +her face was black and she washed her hands about once a day. R--- then +remarked about her--which was a slight exaggeration--that if one were +to set her up against the wall, she would stick fast. She noticed with +unfeigned astonishment how many times I washed myself, and asked for +fresh water, how often I had clean shirts, etc. This made a profound +impression on her young mind, and after I came back from the hospital +she began in earnest to rub her face with a sponge and to wash herself +five or six times a day, likewise to wash the handkerchiefs she wears +round her neck. Maria looks on at all this with surprise. She says, +like the old woman in Tonietta, by Henrik Hertz: "A great, strong girl +like that does not need to wash and splash herself all over like an +Englishwoman." The lectures she has given me every time I have wanted +to wash myself, on the harm water does an invalid, are many and +precious. Whenever I ask for water I might be wanting to commit +suicide; it is only after repeated requests that she brings it, and +then with a quiet, resigned expression, as if to say: "I have done my +best to prevent this imprudence: I wash my hands of all +responsibility." Filomena, in her new phase of development, is quite +different. She looks at my shirt with the eyes of a connoisseur, and +says: "It will do for to-morrow; a clean one the day after to-morrow!" +or, "Did you see what beautiful cuffs the tall, dark man (M. the +painter) had on yesterday?" or, "Excuse my skirt being so marked now, I +am going to have a clean one later in the day," or, "Is my cheek dirty? +I don't think so, for I have washed myself twice to-day; you must +remember that I am very dark-complexioned, almost like a Moor." Or else +there will be a triumphal entry into my room, with a full water-can in +her hand, one of the very large ones that are used here. "What is that, +Filomena? What am I to do with that?" "Look, sir, it is full." "Well, +what of that?" "It is the waiter's water-can; it has been standing +there full for ten days (scornfully): he is afraid of water; he only +uses it for his coffee." She has forgotten how few months it is since +she herself was afraid of water. + +She came in while I was eating my supper, and remarked: "You always +read at your meals; how can you eat and read at the same time? I do not +know what reading is like, but I thought it was more difficult than +that. It is a great misfortune for me that I can neither read nor +write. Supposing I were to be ill like you, how should I pass away the +time! There was no school at Camarino, where I was born, and I lived in +the country till I was eighteen, and learnt nothing at all. We were +nine brothers and sisters; there was seldom any food in the house; +sometimes we worked; sometimes we lay on the ground. It is unfortunate +that I cannot read, for I am not at all beautiful; if I could only do +something, I should be able to get a husband." + +"Don't you know any of the letters, Filomena?" + +"No, sir." "Don't trouble about that. You are happier than I, who know +a great deal more than you. You laugh and sing all day long; I neither +laugh nor sing." "Dear sir, you will laugh, and sing as well, when you +get home. Then your little girl (_ragazza_) who is so _appassionato_ +that she writes four letters a day, will make _fête_ for you, and I +think that when you go to the _osteria_ with your friends you laugh. It +is enough now for you to be patient." As she had spoken about getting a +husband, I asked: "Are your sisters married?" "They are all older than +I, and married." (Saving her pride in the first part of her reply.) +After a few minutes' reflection she went on: "I, for my part, will not +have a husband under thirty; the young ones all beat their wives." +Shortly afterwards, I put an end to the audience. We had had a few +short discussions, and I had been vanquished, apparently by her logic, +but chiefly by reason of her better mastery of the language, and +because I defended all sorts of things in joke. At last I said: "Have +you noticed, Filomena, that when we argue it is always you who silence +me? So you can see, in spite of all my reading, that you have better +brains than I." This compliment pleased her; she blushed and smiled, +without being able to find a reply. + +She realises the Northern ideal of the young woman not spoilt by +novel-reading. Nor does she lack intelligence, although she literally +does not know what North and South mean; she is modest, refined in her +way, and happy over very little. For the moment she is engaged in +making the little dog bark like mad by aggravatingly imitating the +mewing of a cat. + +Later. The boy from the café brings me my supper. What has become of +Filomena? I wonder if she is out? I cannot hear her having her evening +fight with the boy in the passage. She likes to hit him once a day for +exercise. + +Maria comes in. "Do you hear the cannon, sir? What do you think it is?" +I reply calmly: "It is war; the Zouaves (papal troops) are coming." +Maria goes out and declares the reply of the oracle in the next room. +Some cannon salutes really were being fired. Maria hurries down into +the street to hear about it and Filomena comes in to me. "I am afraid," +she says. "Do you mean it?" She was laughing and trembling at the same +time. I saw that the fear was quite real. "Is it possible that you can +be so afraid? There is not really any war or any Zouaves, it was only a +joke." That pacified her. "I was afraid, if you like," said she, "when +the Italians (the Romans never call themselves Italians) marched into +Rome. One shell came after another; one burst on the roof of the house +opposite." "Who are you for, the Pope or Vittorio?" "For neither. I am +a stupid girl; I am for the one that will feed and clothe me. But I +have often laughed at the Zouaves. One of them was standing here one +day, taking pinch after pinch of snuff, and he said to me: 'The +Italians will never enter Rome.' I replied: 'Not if they take snuff, +but they will if they storm the town.'" "Do you think that the Pope +will win?" "No, I think his cause is lost. Perhaps there will even come +a time when no one goes to churches here." _She_: "Who goes to church! +The girls to meet their lovers; the young men to see a pretty +shop-girl. We laugh at the priests." "Why?" "Because they are +ridiculous: if it thunders, they say at once that it is a sign from +God. The sky happens to be flaming red, like it was last October. That +was because the Italians entered Rome in September. Everything is a +sign from God, a sign of his anger, his exasperation. He is not angry, +that is clear enough. If he had not wanted the Italians to come in, +they would not have come, but would all have died at once." She said +this last with great earnestness and pathos, with an upward movement of +her hand, and bowed her head, like one who fears an unknown power. +Maria returned, saying people thought the shots meant that Garibaldi +had come. Said I: "There, he is a brave man. Try to be like him, +Filomena. It is not right for a big strong girl to tremble." _She_: "I +am not strong, but still, I am stronger than you, who have been +weakened so much by your illness,--and yet, who knows, you have been +much better the last few days. Shall we try?" I placed my right hand in +hers, first tested her strength a little, and then found to my surprise +that her arm was not much stronger than that of an ordinary lady; then +I bent my fingers a little, and laid her very neatly on the floor. I +was sitting in bed; she was on her knees in front of the bed, but I let +her spring up. It was a pretty sight; the blue-black hair, the laughing +mouth with the fine, white teeth, the brown, smiling eyes. As she got +up, she said: "You are well now; I am not sorry to have been conquered." + + * * * * * + +Have taken my second flight. I have been at the Moccoli fête, had +myself carried and driven there and back, like last time. Saredo had +taken a room on the Corso; I saw everything from there, and now I have +the delightful impressions of it all left. What exuberant happiness! +What jubilation! What childlike gaiety! It is like going into a nursery +and watching the children play, hearing them shout and enjoy themselves +like mad, as one can shout and enjoy things one's self no longer. + +I arrived late and only saw the end of the processions; far more +carriages, wilder shouting, more madness,--bacchantic, stormy,--than +last time. The whole length of the Corso was one shriek of laughter. +And how many lovely faces at the windows, on the balconies and +verandas! Large closed carriages with hidden music inside and graceful +ladies on the top. As _i preti_ (the Catholic papers) had said that all +who took part in the Carnival were paid by the government, a number of +men and women, in the handsomest carriages--according to the _Nuova +Roma_ for to-day, more than 20,000--had the word _pagato_ (paid) +fastened to their caps, which evoked much amusement. Then the lancers +cleared the street at full galop for the horse races (_barberi_), and +at once an immense procession of Polichinelli and ridiculous +equestrians in Don Quixote armour organised itself and rode down the +Corso at a trot in parody. Then came the mad, snorting horses. Then a +few minutes,--and night fell over the seven heights of Rome, and the +Corso itself lay in darkness. Then the first points of light began to +make their appearance. Here below, one little shimmer of light, and up +there another, and two there, and six here, and ten down there to the +left, and hundreds on the right, and then thousands, and many, many +thousands. From one end of the great long street to the other, from the +first floor to the roof of every house and every palace, there is one +steady twinkling of tiny flames, of torches, of large and small lights; +the effect is surprising and peculiar. As soon as the first light +appeared, young men and girls ran and tried to blow each other's +candles out. Even the children took part in the game; I could see into +several houses, where it was going on briskly. Then, from every +side-street decorated carriages began to drive on to the Corso again, +but this time every person held a candle in his hand. Yes, and that was +not all! at least every other of the large waggons--they were like +immense boxes of flowers--had, on poles, or made fast, Bengal fire of +various colours, which lighted up every house they went past, now with +a red, now with a green flare. And then the thousands of small candles, +from every one in the throng, from carriages, balconies, verandas, +sparkled in the great flame, fighting victoriously with the last +glimmer of daylight. People ran like mad down the Corso and fanned out +the lights in the carriages. But many a Roman beauty found a better way +of lighting up her features without exposing herself to the risk of +having her light put out. Opposite me, for instance, on the second +floor, a lovely girl was standing in a window. In the shutter by her +side she had fixed one of those violent red flares so that she stood in +a bright light, like sunlight seen through red glass, and it was +impossible not to notice her. Meanwhile, the people on the balconies +held long poles in their hands, with which they unexpectedly put out +the small candles in the carriages. You heard incessantly, through the +confusion, the shouts of individuals one to another, and their +jubilation when a long-attempted and cleverly foiled extinguishing was +at length successful, and the clapping and shouts of _bravo!_ at an +unusually brightly lighted and decorated carriage. The pickpockets +meanwhile did splendid business; many of the Danes lost their money. + +At eight o'clock I was in bed again, and shortly afterwards the people +of the house came home for a moment. Filomena looked splendid, and was +very talkative. "_Lei é ingrassato_," she called in through the door. +It is her great pleasure that the hollows in my cheeks are gradually +disappearing. She was now ascribing a special efficacy in this +direction to Moccoli Eve. + + * * * * * + +At half-past ten in the morning, there is a curious spectacle in the +street here. At that time Domenico comes and the lottery begins. +Lotteries are forbidden in Rome, but Domenico earns his ten lire a day +by them. He goes about this and the neighbouring streets bawling and +shouting until he has disposed of his ninety tickets. + +Girls and women lean out through the windows and call out the numbers +they wish to have--in this respect they are boundlessly credulous. They +do not believe in the Pope; but they believe that there are numbers +which they must become possessed of that day, even at the highest +price, which is two soldi. The soldi are thrown out through the window, +and each one remembers her own number. Then Domenico goes through all +the numbers in a loud voice, that there may be no cheating. A child +draws a number out of the bag, and Domenico shouts: "Listen, all +Purificazione, No. 34 has won, listen, Purificazione, 34 ... 34." The +disappointed faces disappear into the houses. All those who have had +33, 35 and 36 rail against unjust Fate, in strong terms. + +At the first rattle of the lottery bag, Filomena rushes in here, opens +the window, and calls for a certain number. If anyone else wants it, +she must manage to find two soldi in her pocket. If I fling a few soldi +from my bed towards the window, this facilitates the search. However, +we never win. Filomena declares that I have indescribable ill-luck in +gambling, and suggests a reason. + + * * * * * + +She was again singing outside. I called her, wanting to know what it +was she kept singing all the time. "They are songs from the mountains," +she replied, "all _canzone d'amore_." "Say them slowly, Filomena. I +will write them down." I began, but was so delighted at the way she +repeated the verses, her excellent declamatory and rhythmic sense, that +I was almost unable to write. And to my surprise, I discovered that +they were all what we call ritornellos. But written down, they are dull +larvae, compared with what they are with the proper pronunciation and +expression. What is it Byron says?: + + I love the language, that soft bastard Latin, + Which melts like kisses from a female mouth, + And sounds as if it should be writ on satin. + +I shall really feel a void when Filomena goes away. The unfortunate +part of it is that her dialect pronunciation is so difficult to make +out, and that she swallows so many syllables in order to make the metre +right, as there are generally too many feet, and it is only the +delicacy of her declamation that makes up for the incorrectness of the +rhymes and the verses. For instance, she constantly says _lo_ instead +of _il_ (_lo soldato_), and she can never tell me how many words there +are in a line, since neither she nor Maria knows what a single word, as +opposed to several, is, and because it is no use spelling the word to +her and asking: "Is that right?" since she cannot spell, and does not +recognise the letters. Saredo tells me that a driver who once drove him +and his wife about for five days in Tuscany sang all day long like +Filomena, and improvised all the time. This is what she, too, does +continually; she inserts different words which have about the same +meaning, and says: "It is all the same" (_c'è la stessa cosa_). On the +other hand, she always keeps to the metre, and that with the most +graceful intonation; never a faulty verse: + + Fior di giacinto! + La donna che per l'uomo piange tanto-- + Il pianto delle donne è pianto finto. + + Amore mio! + Non prendite le fiori di nessuno, + Se vuoi un garofletto, lo do io. + + Fior di limone! + Limone è agra, e le fronde son' amare, + Ma son' più' amare le pene d'amor'. + + Lo mi' amore che si chiama Peppe, + Lo primo giuocatore delle carte + Prende 'sto cuore e giuoca a tre-sette. + +[Footnote: + + Flower of the hyacinth! + The woman who weeps so much for the man's sake-- + Yet, the complaint of women is a feigned one. + + My love! + Do not accept flowers from anyone. + If thou wilt have a wall-flower, I will give it thee. + + Flower of the lemon! + The lemon is sharp, and its leaves are bitter; + But more bitter are the torments of love. + + My beloved, whose name is Peppe, + He is the first to play cards, + He has taken this heart and is playing a game of Three to Seven with + it.] + +In this way I wrote out some scores. + + * * * * * + +Spent an hour teaching Filomena her large letters up to N, and making +her say them by rote, and with that end in view have divided them into +three portions--ABCD--EFG--ILMN. She manages all right, except that she +always jumps E and L. Lesson closed: "Were you at church to-day, +Filomena?" "No, I have nothing to confess." "Did you go to church last +Sunday?" "No, I have not been for six weeks now. I have committed no +sin. What wrong do I do? I have no love affair, nothing." "What used +you to confess?" "A few bad words, which had slipped out. Now I do +nothing wrong." "But one can go wrong, without committing any sin, when +one is high-minded, for instance." "I am not high-minded. If you, on +the other hand, were to imagine yourself better than the friends who +come to visit you, that would be quite natural; for you are better." + + * * * * * + +The day has been long. This evening the girl had errands to do for me. +She came in here after her Sunday walk in the Campagna. I said: "Shall +we read?" (Just then a band of young people passed along the street +with a harmonica and a lot of castanets, and commenced a song in honour +of Garibaldi. With all its simplicity, it sounded unspeakably +affecting; I was quite softened.) She replied: "With pleasure." I +thought to myself: "Now to see whether she remembers a word of what I +said to her yesterday." But she went on at once: "Signore, I have been +industrious." She had bought herself an ABC and had taught herself +alone not only all the large letters, but also all the little ones, and +had learnt them all off by heart as well. I was so astonished that I +almost fell back in the bed. "But what is this, Filomena? Have you +learnt to read from someone else?" "No, only from you yesterday. But +for five years my only wish has been to learn to read, and I am so glad +to be able to." I wanted to teach her to spell. "I almost think I can a +little." And she was already so far that--without spelling first--she +read a whole page of two-letter spellings, almost without a mistake. +She certainly very often said: "Da--ad," or read _fo_ for _of_, but her +progress was amazing. When she spells, she takes the words as a living +reality, not merely as words, and adds something to them, for instance, +_s--a, sa; l--i, li; r--e, re; salire alle scale_, (jump down the +stairs.) "Filomena, I could teach you to read in three weeks." _She_: +"I have always thought it the greatest shame for a man or woman not to +be able to read." I told her something about the progress of the human +race, that the first men and women had been like animals, not at all +like Adam and Eve. "Do you think I believe that Eve ate an apple and +that the serpent could speak? _Non credo mente_. Such things are like +_mal'occhi_ (belief in the evil eye)." And without any transition, she +begins, _sempre allegra_, as she calls herself--to sing a gay song. +Just now she is exceedingly delighted with a certain large red shawl. +There came a pedlar to the door; she sighed deeply at the sight of the +brilliant red; so I gave it her. + +She is a great lover and a connoisseur of wine, like myself. We taste +and drink together every dinner-time. As she always waits upon me, I +often give her a little cake and wine while I am eating. Now we have +begun a new wine, white Roman muscat. But I change my wine almost every +other day. Filomena had taken the one large bottle and stacked up +newspapers round it on the table, so that if K.B. came he should not +see it. It so happened that he came to-day, whilst I was dining and she +eating with me. There was a ring; she wanted to go. "Stay; perhaps it +is not for me at all; and in any case, I do not ask anyone's permission +for you to be here." He came in, and said in Danish, as he put his hat +down: "Oh, so you let the girl of the house dine with you; I should not +care for that." Filomena, who noticed his glance in her direction, and +his gesture, said, with as spiteful a look, and in as cutting a voice +as she could muster: "_Il signore prende il suo pranzo con chi lui pare +e piace._" (The gentleman eats with whomsoever he pleases.) "Does she +understand Danish?" he asked, in astonishment. "It looks like it," I +replied. When he had gone, her _furia_ broke loose. I saw her +exasperated for the first time, and it sat very comically upon her. +"Did you ask him whom _he_ eats with? Did he say I was ugly? Did you +ask him whether his _ragazza_ was prettier?" (She meant a Danish lady, +a married woman, with whom she had frequently met K.B. in the street.) + +She said to me yesterday: "There is one thing I can do, sir, that you +cannot. I can carry 200 pounds' weight on my head. I can carry two +_conchas_, or, if you like to try me, all that wood lying there." She +has the proud bearing of the Romans. + +Read with Filomena for an hour and a half. She can now spell words with +three letters fairly well. This language has such a sweet ring that her +spelling is like music. And to see the innocent reverence with which +she says _g-r-a, gra_,--it is what a poet might envy me. And then the +earnest, enquiring glance she gives me at the end of every line. It is +marvellous to see this complete absorption of a grown-up person in the +study of _a-b, ab_, and yet at the same time there is something almost +great in this ravenous thirst for knowledge, combined with incredulity +of all tradition. It is a model such as this that the poets should have +had for their naïve characters. In Goethe's _Roman Elegies_, the Roman +woman's figure is very inconspicuous; she is not drawn as a genuine +woman of the people, she is not naïve. He knew a Faustina, but one +feels that he afterwards slipped a German model into her place. +Filomena has the uncompromising honesty and straightforwardness of an +unspoilt soul. Her glance is not exactly pure, but free--how shall I +describe it? Full, grand, simple. With a _concha_ on her head, she +would look like a caryatid. If I compare her mentally with a feminine +character of another poet, Lamartine's Graziella, an Italian girl of +the lower classes, like herself, I cannot but think Graziella thin and +poetised, down to her name. The narrator, if I remember rightly, +teaches her to read, too; but Graziella herself does not desire it; it +is he who educates her. Filomena, on the contrary, with her anxiety to +learn, is an example and a symbol of a great historic movement, the +poor, oppressed Roman people's craving for light and knowledge. Of +Italy's population of twenty-six millions, according to the latest, +most recent statistics, seventeen millions can neither read nor write. +She said to me to-day: "What do you really think, sir, do you not +believe that the Holy Ghost is _una virtù_ and cannot be father of the +child?" "You are right, Filomena." "That is why I never pray." "Some +day, when you are very unhappy, perhaps you will pray." "I have been +very unhappy; when I was a child I used to suffer horribly from hunger. +I had to get up at five o'clock in the morning to work and got eight +_soldi_ for standing all day long in a vineyard in the sun and digging +with a spade, and as corn was dear and meat dear, we seven children +seldom had a proper meal. Last year, too, I was hungry often, for it +was as the proverb says: 'If I eat, I cannot dress myself, and if I +dress myself I cannot eat.' (What a sad and illuminating proverb!) Sir, +if there were any Paradise, you would go there, for what you do for me. +If I can only read and write, I can earn twice as much as I otherwise +could. Then I can be a _cameriera_, and bring my mistress a written +account of expenditure every week." + +Filomena knows that Saredo is a professor at the University. But she +does not know what a professor or a University is. She puts her +question like this: "Probably my idea of what a university is, may not +be quite correct?" + +No one comes now. An invalid is very interesting at first, and arouses +sympathy. If he continue ill too long, people unconsciously think it +impossible for him to get well, and stay away. So the only resource +left me all day is to chat with Filomena, to whom Maria has entrusted +the nursing of me. Every evening I read with her; yesterday she had her +fourth lesson, and could almost read straight off. Her complexion and +the lower part of her face are like a child's; her undeveloped mental +state reveals itself, thus far, in her appearance. I told her +yesterday, as an experiment, that there were five continents and in +each of them many countries, but she cannot understand yet what I mean, +as she has no conception of what the earth looks like. She does not +even know in what direction from Rome her native village, Camerino, +lies. I will try to get hold of a map, or a globe. Yesterday, we read +the word _inferno_. She said: "There is no hell; things are bad enough +on earth; if we are to burn afterwards, there would be two hells." +"Good gracious! Filomena, is life so bad? Why, you sing all day long." +"I sing because I am well; that is perfectly natural, but how can I be +content?" "What do you wish for then?" "So much money (_denari_) that I +should be sure of never being hungry again. You do not know how it +hurts. Then there is one other thing I should like, but it is +impossible. I should like not to die; I am so horribly afraid of death. +I should certainly wish there were a Paradise. But who can tell! Still, +my grandmother lived to be a hundred all but three years, and she was +never ill for a day; when she was only three years from being a hundred +she still went to the fields like the rest of us and worked, and was +like a young woman (_giovanotta_). Mother is forty-two, but although +she is two years older than my aunt, she looks quite young. _Chi lo +sa!_ Perhaps I may live to be a hundred too, never be ill--I never have +been yet, one single day,--and then go in and lie down on the bed like +she did and be dead at once." + +"She really is sweet!" said R. this evening. The word does not fit. Her +laugh, her little grimaces, her witticisms, quaint conceits and +gestures are certainly very attractive, but her mode of expression, +when she is talking freely, is very unreserved, and if I were to repeat +some of her remarks to a stranger, he would perhaps think her coarse or +loose. "We shall see what sort of a girl you bring home to us when you +are well again, and whether you have as good taste as our Frenchman. Or +perhaps you would rather visit her? I know how a fine gentleman +behaves, when he visits his friend. She is often a lady, and rich. He +comes, knocks softly at the door, sits down, and talks about difficult +and learned things. Then he begs for a kiss, she flings her arms round +his neck; _allora, il letto rifatto, va via."_ She neither blushes nor +feels the slightest embarrassment when she talks like this. "How do you +know such things, when you have no experience?" "People have told me; I +know it from hearsay. I myself have never been in love, but I believe +that it is possible to love one person one's whole life long, and never +grow tired of him, and never love another. You said the other day (for +a joke?) that people ought to marry for a year or six months; but I +believe that one can love the same person always." + +In such chat my days pass by. I feel as though I had dropped down +somewhere in the Sabine Mountains, been well received in a house--Maria +is from Camarino, too,--and were living there hidden from the world +among these big children. + +Yesterday, Uncle had his National Guard uniform on for the first time. +He came in to show himself. I told him that it suited him very well, +which delighted him. Filomena exhibited him with admiration. When Maria +came home later on, she asked the others at once: "Has the _signore_ +seen him? What did he say? Does not he want to see him again?" + +Written down a score of ritornellos; I have chosen the best of them. +Many of them are rather, or very, indecent. But, as Filomena says: "You +do not go to Hell for singing _canzone_; you cannot help what they are +like." The indecent ones she will only say at a terrific rate, and not +a second time. But if one pay attention, they are easy to understand. +They are a mixture of audacity and simple vulgarity. They all begin +with flowers. She is too undeveloped to share the educated girl's +abhorrence of things that are in bad taste; everything natural, she +thinks, can be said, and she speaks out, quite unperturbed. Still, now +she understands that there are certain things--impossible things--that +I do not like to hear her say. + +I was sitting cutting a wafer (to take powders with) into oblates. +_She_: "You must not cut into consecrated things, not even put the +teeth into it. The priest says: 'Thou shalt not bite Christ.'" +Unfortunately, she has not any real impression of religion, either of +its beauty or its underlying truth. None of them have any idea of what +the New Testament is or contains; they do not know its best-known +quotations and stories. Religion, to them, is four or five rigmaroles, +which are printed in our _Abecedario_, the Creed, the Ave Maria, the +various Sacraments, etc., which they know by heart. These they reject, +but they have not the slightest conception of what Christianity is. If +I quote a text from the New Testament, they have never heard it. + +But they can run the seven cardinal virtues, and the seven other +virtues, off by rote. One of these last, that of instructing the +ignorant, is a virtue which the priesthood (partly for good reasons) +have not practised to any remarkable extent in this country. + +Yesterday Maria came home in a state of great delight, from a +_trattoria_, where a gentleman had spoken _tanto bene, tanto bene_ +against religion and the Pope and the priests; there were a few +_Caccialepri_ present (a derogatory expression for adherents of the +priests), who had just had to come down a peg or two. When she had +finished, to my astonishment, she said to me, _exactly this_: "It is +Nature that is God, is it not so?" + +An expression almost symbolical of the ignorance and credulity of the +Romans is their constant axiom, _Chi lo sa?_ (Who knows?) I said to +Maria the other day, after she had said it for the fourth time in a +quarter of an hour: "My good Maria! The beginning of wisdom is not to +fear God, but to say _Perche_? (why?), instead of _Chi lo sa_?" + +Yesterday, while I was eating my dinner, I heard Filomena's story. She +came to Rome last December: "You think I came because Maria wanted to +help mother. I came to Rome because there was a man who wanted to marry +me." "What was his name?" "His name was Peppe." _"Lo mi' amore, che si +chiama Peppe."_... "Ah, I do not love him at all. No, the thing is that +at Camerino all the men beat their wives. My sister, for instance, has +always a black eye, and red stripes on her back. My friend Marietta +always gets beaten by her husband, and the more he beats her, the more +she loves him: sometimes she goes away from him for a few days to her +sister, but she always goes back again." "What has that to do with our +friend Peppe?" "Well, you see, mother knew that Peppe's brother beat +his wife all day and all night; so she would not give me to him." "Yes, +it was bad, if it were a family failing." "So one evening father said +to me: 'Your aunt has written to us from Rome, to ask whether you will +pay her a visit of a few days.' And he showed me a false letter. Aunt +cannot write and knew nothing about any letter. I did not want to, +much, said I would not, but came here all the same, and found that I +was to stay here, and that mother did not want me to have Peppe. So I +began to cry, and for five whole days I cried all the time and would +neither eat nor drink. Then I thought to myself: It is all over between +Peppe and me. Shall I cry myself to death for a man? So I left off +crying, and very soon forgot all about him. And after a week's time I +did not care anything about the whole matter, and sang and was happy, +and now I want to stay in Rome always." + +Last night I got up for a little, read with Filomena, and determined to +go in and have supper with the family in their little room. Filomena +opened the door wide, and called out along the corridor: _"Eccolo!"_ +and then such a welcome as there was for the invalid, now that he had +at last got up! and I was obliged to drink two large beer-glasses of +the home-grown wine. First Maria told how it was that I had always had +everything so punctually whilst I was ill. It was because Filomena had +made the little boy from the _café_ believe that I was going to give +him my watch when I got well, if he never let anything get cold. So the +boy ran as though possessed, and once fell down the stairs and broke +everything to atoms. "He is delirious," said Filomena one day, "and +talks of nothing but of giving you his watch." "How can he be so ill," +said the boy suspiciously, "when he eats and drinks?" "Do you want the +watch or not?" said Filomena, and off the lad ran. I let the others +entertain me. Maria said: "You told Filomena something yesterday about +savages; I know something about them, too. Savage people live in China, +and the worst of all are called Mandarins. Do you know what one of them +did to an Italian lady? She was with her family over there; suddenly +there came a Mandarin, carried her off, and shut her up in his house. +They never found her again. Then he had three children by her; but one +day he went out and forgot to shut the door; she ran quickly out of the +house, down to the water, and saw a ship far away. Do you know what the +mandarin did, sir, when he came home and found that his wife was gone? +He took the three children, tore them through the middle, and threw the +pieces out into the street." It reminded one of Lucidarius, and other +mediaeval legends. Then our good _zio_, the honest uncle, began, and +told Maria and Filomena the history of Napoleon I., fairly correctly. +He had heard it from his master Leonardo, who taught him his trade; the +man had taken part in five of the campaigns. The only egregious mistake +he made was that he thought the Austrians had gradually poisoned the +Duke of Reichstadt, because he threatened to become even more +formidable than his father. But that the old grenadier might easily +have believed. The thing that astonished me was that the narrative did +not make the slightest impression upon either Maria or Filomena. I +asked Filomena if she did not think it was very remarkable. But she +clearly had a suspicion that it was all lies, besides, what has +happened in the world before her day is of as little importance to her +as what goes on in another planet; finally, she abominates war. _Zio_ +concluded his story with childlike self-satisfaction: "When I learnt +about all this, I was only an apprentice; now I am _mastro Nino_." + +These last few days that I have been able to stumble about the room a +little, I have had a feeling of delight and happiness such as I have +hardly experienced before. The very air is a fête. The little +black-haired youngsters, running about this picturesquely steep street, +are my delight, whenever I look out of the window. All that is in front +of me: the splendours of Rome, the Summer, the art of Italy, Naples in +the South, Venice in the North, makes my heart beat fast and my head +swim. I only need to turn round from the window and see Filomena +standing behind me, knitting, posed like a living picture by Küchler to +feel, with jubilation: I am in Rome. Saredo came to-day at twelve +o'clock, and saw me dressed for the first time. I had put on my nicest +clothes. I called Filomena, had three dinners fetched, and seated +between him and her, I had my banquet. I had just said: "I will not eat +any soup to-day, unless it should happen to be _Zuppa d'herba_." +Filomena took the lid off and cried: _"A punto."_ This is how all my +wishes are fulfilled now. I had a fine, light red wine. It tasted so +good that if the gods had known it they would have poured their nectar +into the washtub. Filomena poured it out, singing: + + L'acqua fa mare, + Il vino fa cantare; + Il sugo della gresta + Fa gira' la testa. + + (Water is bad for one; + Wine makes one sing; + The juice of the grape + Makes the head swim.) + +To-morrow I may go out. After Sunday, I shall leave off dining at home. +On Sunday Filomena goes to Camerino. + + + + +SECOND LONGER STAY ABROAD + +(_Continued_) + +Reflections on the Future of Denmark--Conversations with Giuseppe +Saredo--Frascati--Native Beauty--New Susceptibilities--Georges +Noufflard's Influence--The Sistine Chapel and Michael Angelo--Raphael's +Loggias--A Radiant Spring. + + +I + +Saredo said to me one day: "I am not going to flatter you--I have no +interest in doing so; but I am going to give you a piece of advice, +which you ought to think over. Stay in Italy, settle down here, and you +will reach a far higher position than you can possibly attain in your +own country. The intellectual education you possess is exceedingly rare +in Italy; what I can say, without exaggeration, is that in this country +it is so extraordinary that it might be termed an active force. Within +two years you would be a power in Italy, at home, you will never be +more than a professor at a University. Stay here! Villari and I will +help you over your first difficulties. Write in French, or Italian, +which you like, and as you are master of the entire range of Germanic +culture, which scarcely any man in Italy is, you will acquire an +influence of which you have not the least conception. A prophet is +never honoured in his own country. We, on the other hand, need you. So +stay here! Take Max Müller as an example. It is with individuals as +with nations; it is only when they change their soil that they attain +their full development and realise their own strength." + +I replied: "I am deaf to that sort of thing. I love the Danish language +too well ever to forsake it. Only in the event of my settlement in +Denmark meeting with opposition, and being rendered impossible, shall I +strap on my knapsack, gird up my loins, and hie me to France or Italy; +I am glad to hear that the world is not so closed to me as I had +formerly believed." + +My thoughts were much engaged on my sick-bed by reflections upon the +future of Denmark. The following entry is dated March 8, 1871: + + What do we mean by _our national future_, which we talk so much + about? We do not purpose to extend our borders, to make conquests, or + play any part in politics. For that, as is well comprehensible, we know + we are too weak. I will leave alone the question as to whether it is + possible to live without, in one way or another, growing, and ask: What + do we want? _To continue to exist_. How exist? We want to get + Slesvig back again, for as it is we are not _existing_; we are + sickening, or else we are living like those lower animals who even when + they are cut in pieces, are quite nimble; but it is a miserable life. We + are in a false position with regard to Germany. The centripetal force + that draws the individual members of one nationality together, and which + we in Denmark call Danishness, that which, further, draws nationalities + of the same family together, and which in Denmark is called + _Scandinavianism_, must logically lead to a sympathy for the + merging of the entire race, a kind of _Gothogermanism_. If we seek + support from France, we shall be behaving like the Poles, turning for + help to a foreign race against a nation of our own. I accuse us, not of + acting imprudently, but of fighting against a natural force that is + stronger than we. We can only retard, we cannot annihilate, the + attraction exerted by the greater masses on the lesser. We can only hope + that we may not live to feel the agony. + + Holland and Denmark are both threatened by Germany, for in this + geography is the mighty ally of Germany. The most enlightened Dane can + only cherish the hope that Denmark, conquered, or not conquered, will + brave it out long enough for universal civilisation, by virtue of the + level it has reached, to bring our independence with it. As far as the + hope which the majority of Danes cherish is concerned (including the + noble professors of philosophy), of a time when Nemesis (reminiscence of + theology!), shall descend on Prussia, this hope is only an outcome of + foolishness. And even a Nemesis upon Prussia will never hurt Germany, + and thus will not help us. + + But the main question is this: If we--either through a peaceable + restoration of Slesvig, or after fresh wars, or through the dawning of + an era of peace and civilisation--regain our integrity and independence, + shall we exist then? Not at all. Then we shall sicken again. A country + like Denmark, even including Slesvig, is nowadays no country at all. A + tradesman whose whole capital consists of ten rigsdaler is no tradesman. + The large capitals swallow up the small. The small must seek their + salvation in associations, partnerships, joint-stock companies, etc. + + Our misfortune lies in the fact that there is no other country with + which we can enter into partnership except Sweden and Norway, a little, + unimportant state. By means of this association, which for the time + being, is our sheet-anchor, and which, by dint of deploying enormous + energy, might be of some importance, we can at best retard our + destruction by a year or two. But the future! Has Denmark any future? + + It was France who, to her own unspeakable injury, discovered, or rather, + first proclaimed, the principle of nationality, a principle which at + most could only give her Belgium and French Switzerland, two neutral + countries, guaranteed by Europe, but which gave Italy to Piedmont, + Germany to Prussia, and which one day will give Russia supremacy over + all the Slavs. + + Even before the war, France was, as it were, squeezed between bucklers; + she had no possible chance of gaining anything through her own precious + principle, and did not even dare to apply it to the two above-mentioned + points. While she fearfully allowed herself to be awarded Savoy and + Nice, Prussia grew from nineteen million inhabitants to fifty millions; + and probably in a few years the Germans of Austria will fall to Germany + as well. Then came the war, and its outcome was in every particular what + Prévost-Paradol, with his keen foresight, had predicted: "Afterwards," + he wrote, "France, with Paris, will take up in Europe the same position + as Hellas with Athens assumed in the old Roman empire; it will become + the city of taste and the noble delights; but it will never be able to + regain its power." It has, in fact, been killed by this very theory of + nationality; for the only cognate races, Spain and Italy, are two + countries of which the one is rotten, the other just entered upon the + convalescent stage. Thus it is clear that Germany will, for a time, + exercise the supreme sway in Europe. But the future belongs neither to + her nor to Russia, but, if not to England herself, at any rate to the + Anglo-Saxon race, which has revealed a power of expansion in comparison + with which that of other nations is too small to count. Germans who go + to North America, in the next generation speak English. The English have + a unique capacity for spreading themselves and introducing their + language, and the power which the Anglo-Saxon race will acquire cannot + be broken in course of time like that of ancient Rome; for there are no + barbarians left, and their power is based, not on conquest, but on + assimilation, and the race is being rejuvenated in North America. + + How characteristic it is of our poor little country that we always hear + and read of it as "one of the oldest kingdoms in the world." That is + just the pity of it. If we were only a young country! There is only one + way by which we can rejuvenate ourselves. First, to merge ourselves into + a Scandinavia; then, when this is well done and well secured, to + approach the Anglo-Saxon race to which we are akin. Moral: Become an + Anglo-Saxon and study John Stuart Mill! + +And I studied Mill with persevering attention, where he was difficult, +but instructive, to follow, as in the _Examination of Hamilton's +Philosophy_, which renews Berkeley's teachings, and I read him with +delight where, accessible and comprehensible, he proclaims with +freshness and vigour the gospel of a new age, as in the book _On +Liberty_ and the one akin to it, _Representative Government_. + + +II + +During the months of February and March, my conversations with Giuseppe +Saredo had been all I lived for. We discussed all the questions which +one or both of us had at heart, from the causes of the expansion of +Christianity, to the method of proportionate representation which +Saredo knew, and correctly traced back to Andrae. When I complained +that, by reason of our different nationality, we could hardly have any +recollections in common, and by reason of our different languages, +could never cite a familiar adage from childhood, or quote a common +saying from a play, that the one could not thoroughly enjoy the harmony +of verses in the language of the other, Saredo replied: "You are no +more a Dane than I am an Italian; we are compatriots in the great +fatherland of the mind, that of Shakespeare and Goethe, John Stuart +Mill, Andrae, and Cavour. This land is the land of humanity. +Nationality is milk, humanity is cream. What is there in all the world +that we have not in common? It is true that we cannot enjoy together +the harmony of some Northern verses, but we can assimilate together all +the great ideas, and we have for each other the attraction of the +relatively unknown, which fellow-countrymen have not." + +He very acutely characterised his Italian compatriots: "Our +intelligence amounts to prudence and common sense. At a distance we may +appear self-luminous; in reality we are only passivity and reflected +light. Solferino gave us Lombardy, Sadowa gave us Venice, Sedan gave us +Rome. We were just active enough to take advantage of fortunate +circumstances, and passively clever enough not to wreck our advantage +by stupidity. In foreign novels we are scoundrels of the deepest dye, +concocters of poisons and wholesale swindlers. In reality we are +indifferent and indolent. _Dolce far niente_, these words, which, to +our shame, are repeated in every country in Italian, are our watchword. +But things shall be different, if it means that the few amongst us who +have a little share of head and heart have to work themselves to +death--things shall be different. Massimo d'Azeglio said: 'Now we have +created an Italy; there remains to create Italians.' That was a true +saying. Now we are creating the new people, and what a future there is +before us! Now it is we who are taking the leadership of the Latin +race, and who are giving back to our history its brilliance of the +sixteenth century. At present our Art is poor because we have no +popular type; but wait! In a few years Italy will show a profile no +less full of character than in the days of Michael Angelo, and +Benvenuto Cellini." + + +III + +Then the moment arrived when all abstract reflections were thrust aside +once more by convalescence. I was well again, after having been shut up +for over four months. I still felt the traces of the mercury poisoning, +but I was no longer tied to my bed, and weak though I was, I could walk. + +And on the very first day,--it was March 25th--armed with a borrowed +stick (I possessed none, having never used a stick before), and +equipped with a little camp-stool, I took the train to Frascati, where +there was a Madonna Fête. + +It was life opening out before me again. All that I saw, witnessed to +its splendour. First, the scenery on the way, the Campagna with its +proud ruins, and the snow-covered Sabine Mountains, the whole +illuminated by a powerful Summer sun; the villas of old Romans, with +fortress-like thick walls, and small windows; then the fertile lava +soil, every inch of which was under vineyard cultivation. At last the +mountains in the neighborhood of Frascati. A convent crowned the +highest point; there, in olden days, the first Italian temple to +Jupiter had stood, and there Hannibal had camped. Underneath, in a +hollow, like an eagle's nest, lay Rocca di Papa. By the roadside, +fruit-trees with violet clusters of blossoms against a background of +stone-pines, cypresses, and olive-groves. + +I reached Frascati station. There was no carriage to be had up to the +town, so I was obliged to ascend the hill slowly on foot, a test which +my leg stood most creditably. In the pretty market-place of Frascati, +with its large fountain which, like Acqua Paola, was divided into three +and flung out a tremendous quantity of water, I went into an _osteria_ +and asked for roast goat with salad and Frascati wine, then sat down +outside, as it was too close within. Hundreds of people in gay +costumes, with artificial flowers and silver feathers in their +headgear, filled the square in front of me, crowded the space behind +me, laughed and shouted. + +The people seemed to be of a grander type, more lively, animated and +exuberant, than at the fair at Fiesole. The women were like Junos or +Venuses, the men, even when clad in abominable rags, looked like +Vulcans, blackened in their forges; they were all of larger proportions +than Northern men and women. A Roman beau, with a riding-whip under his +arm, was making sheep's eyes at a young local beauty, his courtship +accompanied by the whines of the surrounding beggars. A _signora_ from +Albano was lecturing the waiter with the dignity of a queen for having +brought her meat that was beneath all criticism, yes, she even let the +word _porcheria_ escape her. A brown-bearded fellow came out of the inn +with a large bottle of the heavenly Frascati wine, which the landlords +here, even on festival occasions, never mix with water, and gave a +whole family, sitting on donkeys, to drink out of one glass; then he +went to two little ones, who were holding each other round the waist, +sitting on the same donkey; to two youths who were riding another; to a +man and wife, who sat on a third, and all drank, like the horsemen in +Wouwerman's pictures, without dismounting. + +I got into an old, local omnibus, pulled by three horses, to drive the +two miles to Grotta Ferrata, where the fair was. But the vehicle was +hardly about to start up-hill when, with rare unanimity, the horses +reared, behaved like mad, and whirled it round four or five times. The +driver, a fellow with one eye and a grey cap with a double red camelia +in it, being drunk, thrashed the horses and shouted, while an old +American lady with ringlets shrieked inside the omnibus, and bawled out +that she had paid a franc beforehand, and now wanted to get out. The +road was thronged with people walking, and there was just as many +riding donkeys, all of them, even the children, already heated with +wine, singing, laughing, and accosting everybody. Many a worthy woman +supported her half-drunk husband with her powerful arm. Many a +substantial _signora_ from Rocca di Papa sat astride her mule, showing +without the least bashfulness her majestic calves. + +At Grotta Ferrata, the long, long street presented a human throng of +absolute density without the slightest crush, for no one stuck his +elbows into his neighbour's sides. The eye could only distinguish a +mass of red, yellow and white patches in the sunlight, and in between +them a few donkeys' heads and mules' necks. The patches were the +kerchiefs on the women's heads. Folk stood with whole roast pigs in +front of them on a board, cutting off a piece with a knife for anyone +who was hungry; there were sold, besides, fruits, knives, ornaments, +provisions, and general market wares. One _osteria_, the entrance to +which was hung all over with sausages, onions and vegetables, in +garlands, had five huge archways open to the street. Inside were long +tables, at which people sat, not on benches, but on trestles, round +bars supported by two legs, and ate and drank in the best of good +spirits, and the blackest filth, for the floor was the black, sodden, +trampled earth. Just over the way, arbours had been made from trees, by +intertwining their branches and allowing them to grow into one another; +these were quite full of gay, beautiful girls, amongst them one with +fair hair and brown eyes, who looked like a Tuscan, and from whom it +was difficult to tear one's eyes away. + +After having inspected the courtyard of an old monastery, the lovely +pillars of which rejoiced my heart, I sat down a little on one side in +the street where the fair was, on my little camp-stool, which roused +the legitimate curiosity of the peasant girls. They walked round me, +looked at me from behind and before, and examined with grave interest +the construction of my seat. In front of me sat an olive and lemon +seller. Girls bargained with him as best they could in the press, +others stood and looked on. I had an opportunity here of watching their +innate statuesque grace. When they spoke, the right arm kept time with +their speech. When silent, they generally placed one hand on the hip, +bent, but not clenched. There were various types. The little blonde, +blue-eyed girl with the mild Madonna smile, and absolutely straight +nose, and the large-made, pronounced brunette. But the appearance of +them all was such that an artist or a poet could, by a slight +transformation, have portrayed from them whatever type of figure or +special characteristic he required. In my opinion, the form Italian +beauty took, and the reason of the feeling one had in Italy of wading +in beauty, whereas one hardly ever saw anything in the strict sense of +the word beautiful in Copenhagen, and rarely in Paris, was, that this +beauty was the beauty of the significant. All these women looked to be +unoppressed, fullblown, freely developed. All that makes woman ugly in +the North: the cold, the thick, ugly clothes that the peasant women +wear, the doublet of embarrassment and vapidity which they drag about +with them, the strait-waistcoat of Christiansfeldt morality in which +they are confined by the priests, by protestantism, by fashion, by +custom and convention--none of this oppressed, confined or contracted +women here. These young peasant girls looked as if they had never heard +such words as "You must not," or "You shall not," and as here in Italy +there is none of the would-be witty talk, the grinning behind people's +backs, which takes the life out of all intrepidity in the North, no one +thought: "What will people say?" Everyone dressed and deported himself +with complete originality, as he, or rather as she, liked. Hence eyes +were doubly brilliant, blood coursed twice as red, the women's busts +were twice as rounded and full. + + +IV + +From this time forth I had a strange experience. I saw beauty +everywhere. If I sat at the window of a café on the Corso on a Sunday +morning, as the ladies were going to Mass, it seemed to me that all the +beauty on earth was going past. A mother and her three daughters went +by, a mere grocer's wife from the Corso, but the mother carried herself +like a duchess, had a foot so small that it could have lain in the +hollow of my hand, and the youngest of the three daughters was so +absolutely lovely that people turned to look after her; she might +perhaps have been fifteen years of age, but there was a nobility about +her austere profile, and she had a way of twisting her perfect lips +into a smile, that showed her to be susceptible to the sweetest +mysteries of poetry and music. My long illness had so quickened the +susceptibility of my senses to impressions of beauty that I lived in a +sort of intoxication. + +In the Scandinavian Club I was received with endless expressions of +sympathy, courteous remarks, and more or less sincerely meant +flatteries, as if in compensation for the suffering I had been through. +All spoke as though they had themselves been deeply distressed, and +especially as though Copenhagen had been sitting weeping during my +illness. I certainly did not believe this for a moment, but all the +same it weighed down a little, the balance of my happiness, and the +first meetings with the Northern artists in these glorious surroundings +were in many respects very enjoyable. The Scandinavian Club was in the +building from which you enter the Mausoleum of Augustus, a colossal +building in the form of a cross, several storeys in height. A festival +had been got up on the flat roof for a benevolent object one of the +first evenings in April. You mounted the many flights of stairs and +suddenly found yourself, apparently, in an immense hall, but with no +roof save the stars, and brilliantly illuminated, but with lights that +paled in the rays of the Italian moon. We took part in the peculiarly +Italian enjoyment of watching balloons go up; they rose by fire, which +exhausted the air inside them and made them light. Round about the moon +we could see red and blue lights, like big stars; one balloon ignited +up in the sky, burst into bright flames, and looked very impressive. + +Troops of young women, too, were sitting there, and dazzled anew a +young man who for a second time had given the slip to the old gentleman +with the scythe. There was one young servant girl from the country, in +particular, a child of thirteen or fourteen, to whom I called the +attention of the painters, and they went into ecstasies over her. The +type was the same as that which Raphael has reproduced in his Sistine +Madonna. Her clear, dark blue eyes had a look of maidenly shyness, and +of the most exquisite bashfulness, and yet a look of pride. She wore a +string of glass beads round her lovely neck. We ordered two bottles of +wine to drink her health, and, while we were drinking it, the rotunda +was lighted up from a dozen directions with changing Bengal fire. The +ladies looked even handsomer, the glass lamps dark green in the gleam, +the fire-borne balloons rose, the orchestra played, the women smiled at +the homage of their friends and lovers--all on the venerable Mausoleum +of Augustus. + + +V + +I made the acquaintance that evening of a young and exceedingly +engaging Frenchman, who was to become my intimate friend and my +travelling companion. He attracted me from the first by his refined, +reserved, and yet cordial manner. + +Although only thirty-five years of age, Georges Noufflard had travelled +and seen surprisingly much. He was now in Italy for the second time, +knew France and Germany, had travelled through Mexico and the United +States, had visited Syria, Egypt, Tunis, and Algiers to the last oasis. +When the conversation touched upon Art and Music, he expressed himself +in a manner that revealed keen perception, unusual knowledge, and a +very individual taste. + +The following morning, when we met on the Corso, he placed himself at +my disposal, if he could be of use to me; there was nothing he had +arranged to do. He asked where I was thinking of going; as he knew Rome +and its neighbourhood as well as I knew my mother's drawing-room, I +placed myself in his hands. We took a carriage and drove together, +first to the baths of Caracalla, then to the Catacombs, where we very +nearly lost our way, and thought with a thrill of what in olden times +must have been the feelings of the poor wretches who fled there, +standing in the dark and hearing footsteps in the distance, knowing +that it was their pursuers coming, and that they were inevitably going +to be murdered, where there was not even room to raise a weapon in +their own defence. Next we drove to _San Paolo fuori le mure_, of the +burning of which Thorwaldsen's Museum possesses a painting by Leopold +Robert, but which at that time had been entirely re-built in the +antique style. It was the most beautiful basilica I had ever seen. We +enjoyed the sight of the courtyard of the monastery nearly 1,700 years +old, with its fine pillars, all different, and so well preserved that +we compared, in thought, the impressions produced by the two mighty +churches, San Paolo and San Pietro. Then we dined together and plunged +into interminable discussions until darkness fell. From that day forth +we were inseparable. Our companionship lasted several months, until I +was obliged to journey North. But the same cordial relations continued +to subsist between us for more than a quarter of a century, when Death +robbed me of my friend. + +Georges Noufflard was the son of a rich cloth manufacturer at Roubaix, +and at an early age had come into possession of a considerable fortune. +This, however, was somewhat diminished through the dishonesty of those +who, after the death of his father, conducted the works in his name. He +had wanted to become a painter, but the weakness of his eyes had +obliged him to give up Art; now he was an Art lover, and was anxious to +write a book on the memorials and works of art in Rome, too great an +undertaking, and for that reason never completed; but at the same time, +he pursued with passion the study of music, played Beethoven, Gluck and +Berlioz, for me daily, and later on published books on Berlioz and +Richard Wagner. + +As a youth he had been an enthusiast such as, in the Germanic +countries, they fancy is impossible elsewhere, to such an extent indeed +as would be regarded even there as extraordinary. At seventeen years of +age he fell in love with a young girl who lived in the same building as +himself. He was only on terms of sign language with her, had not even +secured so much as a conversation with her. None the less, his +infatuation was so great that he declared to his father that he wished +to marry her. The father would not give his consent, and her family +would not receive him unless he was presented by his father. The latter +sent him to America with the words: "Forget your love and learn what a +fine thing industrialism is." He travelled all over the United States, +found all machinery loathsome, since he had not the most elementary +knowledge of the principles of mechanics, and no inclination for them, +and thought all the time of the little girl from whom they wished to +separate him. It did not help matters that the travelling companion +that had been given him lived and breathed in an atmosphere of the +lowest debauchery, and did his best to initiate the young man into the +same habits. On his return home he declared to his father that he +persisted in his choice. "Good," said his father, "Asia Minor is a +delightful country, and so is Northern Africa; it will also do you good +to become acquainted with Italy." So he set off on his travels again, +and this time was charmed with everything he saw. Then his father died, +and he became pretty much his own master and free to do as he liked. +Then he learned that the father of the girl had been guilty of a bank +fraud. His family would not receive hers, if, indeed, herself. So he +gave up his intention; he did not wish to expose her to humiliation and +did not wish himself to have a man of ill-fame for his father-in-law; +he set off again on his travels, and remained a long time away. "The +proof that I acted wisely by so doing," he said in conclusion, "is that +I have completely forgotten the girl; my infatuation was all fancy." + +When he commenced by telling me that for three years he had loved, and +despite all opposition, wished to marry a girl to whom he had never +spoken, I exclaimed: "Why, you are no Frenchman!" When he concluded by +telling me that after remaining constant for three years he had +abandoned her for a fault that not she, but her father, had committed, +I exclaimed: "How French you are, after all!" + +While mutual political, social, and philosophical interests drew me to +Giuseppe Saredo, all the artistic side of my nature bound me to Georges +Noufflard. Saredo was an Italian from a half-French part,--he was born +at Savona, near Chambéry,--and his culture was as much French as +Italian; Noufflard was a Frenchman possessed by such a love for Italy +that he spoke the purest Florentine, felt himself altogether a +Southerner, and had made up his mind to take up his permanent abode in +Italy. He married, too, a few years afterwards, a lovely Florentine +woman, and settled down in Florence. + +What entirely won my heart about him was the femininely delicate +consideration and unselfish devotion of his nature, the charm there was +about his manner and conversation, which revealed itself in everything +he did, from the way in which he placed his hat upon his head, to the +way in which he admired a work of art. But I could not have associated +with him day after day, had I not been able to learn something from +him. When we met again ten years later, it turned out that we had +nothing especially new to tell each other. I had met him just at the +right moment. + +It was not only that Noufflard was very well and widely informed about +the artistic treasures of Italy and the places where they were to be +found, but his opinions enriched my mind, inasmuch as they spurred me +on to contradiction or surprised me and won my adherence. Fresh as +Julius Lange's artistic sense had been, there was nevertheless +something doctrinaire and academic about it. An artist like Bernini was +horrible, and nothing else to him; he had no sympathy for the sweet, +half-sensual ecstasy of some of Bernini's best figures. He was an enemy +of eighteenth-century art in France, saw it through the moral +spectacles which in the Germanic countries had come into use with the +year 1800. It was easy for Noufflard to remain unbiased by Northern +doctrines, for he did not know them; he had the free eye of the beauty +lover for every revelation of beauty, no matter under what form, and +had the intellectual kinship of the Italianised Frenchman for many an +artist unappreciated in the North. On the other hand, he naturally +considered that we Northmen very much over-estimated our own. It was +impossible to rouse any interest in him for Thorwaldsen, whom he +considered absolutely academic. "You cannot call him a master in any +sense," he exclaimed one day, when we had been looking at Thorwaldsen +bas-reliefs side by side with antiques. I learnt from my intimacy with +Noufflard how little impression Thorwaldsen's spirit makes on the +Romance peoples. That indifference to him would soon become so +widespread in Germany, I did not yet foresee. + +Noufflard had a very alert appreciation of the early Renaissance, +especially in sculpture; he was passionately in love with the natural +beauties of Italy, from North to South, and he had a kind of +national-psychological gift of singling out peculiarly French, Italian +or German traits. He did not know the German language, but he was at +home in German music, and had studied a great deal of German literature +in translation; just then he was reading Hegel's "Aesthetics," the +abstractions in which veritably alarmed him, and to which he very much +preferred modern French Art Philosophy. In English Science, he had +studied Darwin, and he was the first to give me a real insight into the +Darwinian theory and a general summary of it, for in my younger days I +had only heard it attacked, as erroneous, in lectures by Rasmus Nielsen +on teleology. + +Georges Noufflard was the first Frenchman of my own age with whom I had +been intimate and whose character I partly understood and entered into, +partly absorbed into my own. If many of the various opinions evident in +my first lectures were strikingly emancipated from Danish national +prejudices which no one hitherto had attempted to disturb, I owed this +in a great measure to him. Our happy, harmonious intimacy in the Sabine +Hills and in Naples was responsible, before a year was past, for whole +deluges of abuse in Danish newspapers. + + +VI + +One morning, the Consul's man-servant brought me a _permesso_ for the +Collection of Sculpture in the Vatican for the same day, and a future +_permesso_ for the Loggias, Stanzas, and the Sistine Chapel. I laid the +last in my pocket-book. It was the key of Paradise. I had waited for it +so long that I said to myself almost superstitiously: "I wonder whether +anything will prevent again?" The anniversary of the day I had left +Copenhagen the year before, I drove to the Vatican, went at one o'clock +mid-day up the handsome staircase, and through immense, in part +magnificently decorated rooms to the Sistine Chapel. I had heard so +much about the disappointment it would be that not the very slightest +suggestion of disappointment crossed my mind. Only a feeling of supreme +happiness shot through me: at last I am here. I stood on the spot which +was the real goal of my pilgrimage. I had so often examined +reproductions of every figure and I had read so much about the whole, +that I knew every note of the music beforehand. Now I heard it. + +A voice within me whispered: So here I stand at last, shut in with the +mind that of all human minds has spoken most deeply home to my soul. I +am outside and above the earth and far from human kind. This is his +earth and these are his men, created in his image to people his world. +For this one man's work is a world, which, though that of one man only, +can be placed against the productions of a whole nation, even of the +most splendid nation that has ever lived, the Greeks. Michael Angelo +felt more largely, more lonely, more mightily than any other. He +created out of the wealth of a nature that in its essence was more than +earthly. Raphael is more human, people say, and that is true; but +Michael Angelo is more divine. + +After the lapse of about an hour, the figures detached themselves from +the throng, to my mental vision, and the whole composition fixed itself +in my brain. I saw the ceiling, not merely as it is to-day, but as it +was when the colours were fresh, for in places there were patches, the +bright yellow, for instance, which showed the depth of colouring in +which the whole had been carried out. It was Michael Angelo's intention +to show us the ceiling pierced and the heavens open above it. Up to the +central figures, we are to suppose that the walls continue straight up +to the ceiling, as though the figures sat upright. Then all confusion +disappears, and all becomes one perfect whole. + +The principal pictures, such as the creation of Adam, Michael Angelo's +most philosophical and most exquisite painting, I had had before my +eyes upon my wall every day for ten years. The expression in Adam's +face was not one of languishing appeal, as I had thought; he smiled +faintly, as if calmly confident of the dignity of the life the finger +of God is about to bestow upon him. The small, bronze-painted figures, +expressed the suspension and repose of the ceiling; they were +architectonic symbols. The troops of young heroes round about the +central pillars were Michael Angelo's ideals of Youth, Beauty and +Humanity. The one resting silently and thoughtfully on one knee is +perhaps the most splendid. There is hardly any difference between his +build and that of Adam. Adam is the more spiritual brother of these +young and suffering heroes. + +I felt the injustice of all the talk about the beginnings of +grotesqueness in Michael Angelo's style. There are a few somewhat +distorted figures, Haman, the knot of men and women adoring the snake, +Jonas, as he flings himself backwards, but except these, what calm, +what grandiose perfection! And which was still more remarkable, what +imposing charm! Eve, in the picture of "The Fall," is perhaps the most +adorable figure that Art has ever produced; her beauty, in the picture +on the left, was like a revelation of what humanity really ought to +have been. + +It sounded almost like a lie that one man had created this in +twenty-two months. Would the earth ever again produce frescoes of the +same order? The 360 years that had passed over it had damaged this, the +greatest pictorial work on earth, far less than I had feared. + +A large aristocratic English family came in: man, wife, son, daughter, +another daughter, the governess, all expensively and fashionably +dressed. They stood silent for a moment at the entrance to the hall. +Then they came forward as far as about the middle of the hall, looked +up and about a little, said to the custodian: "Will you open the door +for us?" and went out again very gracefully. + + +VII + +I knew Raphael's Loggias from copies in _l'École des Beaux Arts_ in +Paris. But I was curious to see how they would appear after this, and +so, although there was only three-quarters of an hour left of the time +allotted to me on my _permesso_, I went up to look at them. My first +impression, as I glanced down the corridor and perceived these small +ceiling pictures, barely two feet across, was: "Good gracious! This +will be a sorry enjoyment after Michael Angelo!" I looked at the first +painting, God creating the animals, and was quite affected: There goes +the good old man, saying paternally: "Come up from the earth, all of +you, you have no idea how nice it is up here." My next impression was: +"How childish!" But my last was: "What genius!" How charming the +picture of the Fall, and how lovely Eve! And what grandeur of style +despite the smallness of the space. A God a few inches high separates +light from darkness, but there is omnipotence in the movement of His +arm. Jacob sees the ladder to Heaven in his dream; and this ladder, +which altogether has six angels upon it, seems to reach from Earth to +Heaven, infinitely long and infinitely peopled; above, we see God the +Father, at an immense distance, spread His gigantic embrace (which +covers a space the length of two fingers). There was the favourite +picture of my childhood, Abraham prostrated before the Angels, even +more marvellous in the original than I had fancied it to myself, +although it is true that the effect of the picture is chiefly produced +by its beauty of line. And there was Lot, departing from Sodom with his +daughters, a picture great because of the perfect illusion of movement. +They go on and on, against the wind and storm, with Horror behind them +and Hope in front, at the back, to the right, the burning city, to the +left, a smiling landscape. How unique the landscapes on all these +pictures are, how marvellous, for instance, that in which Moses is +found on the Nile! This river, within the narrow limits of the picture, +looked like a huge stream, losing itself in the distance. + +It was half-past five. My back was beginning to ache in the place which +had grown tender from lying so long; without a trace of fatigue I had +been looking uninterruptedly at pictures for four hours and a half. + + +VIII + +Noufflard's best friend in Rome was a young lieutenant of the +Bersaglieri named Ottavio Cerrotti, with whom we were much together. +Although a Roman, he had entered the Italian army very young, and had +consequently been, as it were, banished. Now, through the breach at +Porta Pia, he had come back. He was twenty-four years of age, and the +naïvest Don Juan one could possibly meet. He was beloved by the +beautiful wife of his captain, and Noufflard, who frequented their +house, one day surprised the two lovers in tears. Cerrotti was crying +with his lady-love because he had been faithless to her. He had +confessed to her his intimacy with four other young ladies; so she was +crying, and the end of it was that he cried to keep her company. + +At meals, he gave us a full account of his principal romance. He had +one day met her by chance in the gardens of the Palazzo Corsini, and +since that day, they had had secret meetings. But the captain had now +been transferred to Terni, and tragedy had begun. Letters were +constantly within an ace of being intercepted, they committed +imprudences without count. He read aloud to us, without the least +embarrassment, the letters of the lady. The curious thing about them +was the moderation she exercised in the expression of her love, while +at the same time her plans for meetings were of the most foolhardy, +breakneck description. + +Another fresh acquaintance that I made in those days was with three +French painters, Hammon, Sain and Benner, who had studios adjoining one +another. Hammon and Sain both died long since, but Benner, whom I met +again in Paris in 1904, died, honoured and respected, in 1905. I was +later on at Capri in company with Sain and Benner, but Hammon I saw +only during this visit to Rome. His pretty, somewhat sentimental +painting, _Ma soeur n'y est pas_, hung, reproduced in engraving, in +every shop-window, even in Copenhagen. He was painting just then at his +clever picture, _Triste Rivage_. + +Hammon was born in Brittany, of humble, orthodox parents, who sent him +to a monastery. The Prior, when he surprised him drawing men and women +out of his head, told him that painting was a sin. The young man +himself then strongly repented his inclination, but, as he felt he +could not live without following it, he left the monastery, though with +many strong twinges of conscience. + +Now that he was older, he was ruining himself by drink, but had +manifested true talent and still retained a humorous wit. One day that +I was with him, a young man came to the studio and asked for his +opinion of a painting; the man talked the whole time of nothing but his +mother, of how much he loved her and all that he did for her. Hammon's +patience gave out at last. He broke out: "And do you think, sir, that +_I_ have murdered my mother? I love her very much, I assure you, _not +enough to marry her_, I grant, but pretty well, all the same." After +that he always spoke of him as "the young man who loves his mother." + + +IX + +I felt as though this April, this radiant Spring, were the most +glorious time in my life, I was assimilating fresh impressions of Art +and Nature every hour; the conversations I was enjoying with my Italian +and French friends set me day by day pondering over new thoughts; I saw +myself restored to life, and a better life. At the beginning of April, +moreover, some girls from the North made their triumphal entry into the +Scandinavian Club. Without being specially beautiful or remarkable, +they absolutely charmed me. It was a full year since the language of +home had sounded in my ears from the lips of a girl, since I had seen +the smile in the blue eyes and encountered the heart-ensnaring charm, +in jest, or earnest, of the young women of the North. I had recently +heard the entrancing castrato singing at St. Peter's, and, on +conquering my aversion, could not but admire it. Now I heard once more +simple, but natural, Danish and Swedish songs. Merely to speak Danish +again with a young woman, was a delight. And there was one who, +delicately and unmistakably and defencelessly, showed me that I was not +indifferent to her. That melted me, and from that time forth the +beauties of Italy were enhanced tenfold in my eyes. + +All that I was acquainted with in Rome, all that I saw every day with +Georges Noufflard, I could show her and her party, from the most +accessible things, which were nevertheless fresh to the newcomers, such +as the Pantheon, Acqua Paola, San Pietro in Montorio, the grave of +Cecilia Metella, and the grottoes of Egeria, to the great collections +of Art in the Vatican, or the Capitol, or in the wonderful Galleria +Borghese. All this, that I was accustomed to see alone with Noufflard, +acquired new splendour when a blonde girl walked by my side, asking +sensible questions, and showing me the gratitude of youth for good +instruction. With her nineteen years I suppose she thought me +marvellously clever. But the works of Art that lay a little outside the +beaten track, I likewise showed to my compatriots. I had never been +able to tolerate Guido Reni; but his playing angels in the chapel of +San Gregorio excited my profound admiration, and it was a satisfaction +to me to pour this into the receptive ear of a girl compatriot. These +angels delighted me so that I could hardly tear myself away from them. +The fine malice, the mild coquetry, even in the expression of the +noblest purity and the loftiest dignity, enchanted us. + +I had been in the habit of going out to the environs of Rome with +Georges Noufflard, for instance, to the large, handsome gardens of the +Villa Doria Pamfili, or the Villa Madama, with its beautiful frescoes +and stucco-work, executed by Raphael's pupils, Giulio Romano and +others, from drawings by that master. But it was a new delight to drive +over the Campagna with a girl who spoke Danish by my side, and to see +her Northern complexion in the sun of the South. With my French friend, +I gladly joined the excursions of her party to Nemi, Albano, Tivoli. + +Never in my life had I felt so happy as I did then. I was quite +recovered. Only a fortnight after I had risen from a sick-bed that had +claimed me four months and a half, I was going about, thanks to my +youth, as I did before I was ill. For my excursions, I had a comrade +after my own heart, well-bred, educated, and noble-minded; I fell in +love a little a few times a week; I saw lakes, fields, olive groves, +mountains, scenery, exactly to my taste. I had always a _permesso_ for +the Vatican collections in my pocket. I felt intoxicated with delight, +dizzy with enjoyment. + +It seemed to me that of all I had seen in the world, Tivoli was the +most lovely. The old "temple of the Sibyl" on the hill stood on +consecrated ground, and consecrated the whole neighbourhood. I loved +those waterfalls, which impressed me much more than Trollhättan +[Footnote: Trollhättan, a celebrated waterfall near Göteborg in +Sweden.], had done in my childhood. In one place the water falls down, +black and boiling, into a hollow of the rock, and reminded me of the +descent into Tartarus; in another the cataract runs, smiling and +twinkling with millions of shining pearls, in the strong sunlight. In a +third place, the great cascade rushes down over the rocks. There, where +it touches the nether rocks, rests the end of the enormous rainbow +which, when the sun shines, is always suspended across it. Noufflard +told me that Niagara itself impressed one less. We scrambled along the +cliff until we stood above the great waterfall, and could see nothing +but the roaring, foaming white water, leaping and dashing down; it +looked as though the seething and spraying masses of water were +springing over each other's heads in a mad race, and there was such +power, such natural persuasion in it, that one seemed drawn with it, +and gliding, as it were, dragged into the abyss. It was as though all +Nature were disembodied, and flinging herself down. + +Like a Latin, Noufflard personified it all; he saw the dance of nymphs +in the waves, and their veils in the clouds of spray. My way of +regarding Nature was diametrically opposite, and pantheistic. I lost +consciousness of my own personality, felt myself one with the falling +water and merged myself into Nature, instead of gathering it up into +figures. I felt myself an individuality of the North, conscious of my +being. + + +X + +One afternoon a large party of us had taken our meal at an inn on the +lake of Nemi. The evening was more than earthly. The calm, still, +mountain lake, the old, filled-up crater, on the top of the mountain, +had a fairy-like effect. I dropped down behind a boulder and lay for a +long time alone, lost in ecstasy, out of sight of the others. All at +once I saw a blue veil fluttering in the breeze quite near me. It was +the young Danish girl, who had sat down with me. The red light of the +evening, Nemi and she, merged in one. Not far away some people were +setting fire to a blaze of twigs and leaves; one solitary bird warbled +across the lake; the cypresses wept; the pines glowered; the olive +trees bathed their foliage in the mild warmth; one cloud sailed across +the sky, and its reflection glided over the lake. One could not bear to +raise the voice. + +It was like a muffled, muffled concert. Here were life, reality and +dreams. Here were sun, warmth and light. Here were colour, form and +line, and in this line, outlined by the mountains against the sky, the +artistic background of all the beauty. + +Noufflard and I accompanied our Northern friends from Albano to the +station; they were going on as far as Naples, and thence returning +home. We said good-bye and walked back to Albano in the mild Summer +evening. The stars sparkled and shone bright, Cassiopaeia showed itself +in its most favourable position, and Charles's Wain stood, as if in +sheer high spirits, on its head, which seemed to be its recreation just +about this time. + +It, too, was evidently a little dazed this unique, inimitable Spring. + + + + +INDEX + + +Aagesen, Professor Aarestrup, Emil About, Edmond Adam _Adam Homo_ +_Adventures on a Walking Tour_ Aeneid, The Aeschylus Agar, Mlle. +_Aladdin_ Alcibiades Algreen-Ussing, Frederik Algreen-Ussing, Otto _Ali +and Gulhyndi_ Alibert, Mr. Andersen, H.C. _Angelo_ Angelo, Michael +_Antony_ Apel Aristotle _Arne_ Arrest, Professor d' Art, Danish, +French, German dramatic Astronomy Auerbach, Berthold Augier +Augustenborg, Duke of + +Baagöe Baggesen Bain Banville Barbier, Auguste Bazaine Beaumarchais +Bech, Carl Bendix, Victor Benner Bentham Bergen, Carl von Bergh, Rudolp +Bergsöe Bernhardt, Sarah Bible, The Bille Bismarck Bissen, Wilhelm +Björnson Blanchetti, Costanza Blicher Bluhme, Geheimeraad Borup Bov +_Boy, A Happy_ _Brand_ Bretteville Bröchner, H. Brohan, The Sisters +Brussels Bruun, Emil _Buch der Lieder_ _Burgraves, Les_ Byron + +Caesar _Caprice, Un_ Caro Casellini Catullus Cerrotti, Ottavio +Chamounix Chanson de Roland Chasles, Émile Chasles, Philarète +Chatterton Choteau, Marie Christian VIII. Christian IX. Christianity +Cinq-Mars Clarétie, Jules Clausen Cologne Comte Copenhagen Coppée +Coquelin Corday, Charlotte Correggio Cousin Criticisms and Portraits +Crone + +Dame aux Camélias, La Danish Literature Dante Darwin David, C.N. David, +Ludvig Delacroix Delisle Devil, The Dichtung und Wahrheit Disraeli, +Divina Commedia Don Juan Don Quixote Dörr, Dr. Drachmann Drama, German +Driebein Dualism in Our Modern Philosophy Dubbels Dubois, Mlle. Dumas +Dumas, The Younger + +Eckernförde Edda, The Edward, Uncle Either-Or Esselbach, Madam Ethica +Euripides + +Falkman Farum Faust Favart, Madame Favre, Jules Feuerbach, Ludwig +Feuillet, Octave Fights, Between the Filomena Fils de Giboyer, Le +Fisher Girl, The Flaubert Florence Fontane, M. For Self-Examination For +Sweden and Norway Fourier France Nouvelle, La Frascati Frederik VII +French Literature French Philosophers of the Nineteenth Century, The +French Revolution Frithiof's Saga Frossard _Gabrielle_ Gallenga, +Antonio Gambetta Gautier _Geneva_ Gerhard Germany Gérôme _Gerusalemme +liberata_, Tasso's _Ghost Letters_ _Ghosts_ Girardin Gladstone Gleyre +God _Gods of the North, The_ Goethe Goldschmidt, Dr. Goldschmidt, M. +Goncourt, the brothers; Edmond de _Government, Representative_ Gram, +Professor Grammont, The Duc de Grégoire _Gringoire_ Grönbeck, Groth, +Claus Grundtvig Guell y Rente, Don José Guémain, Mademoiselle Guizot + +Hage, Alfred Hagemeister, Mr. _Hakon, Earl_ Hall Hamburg _Hamilton's +Philosophy, Examination of_ _Hamlet_ Hammerich Hammon Hansen, Octavius +Hauch; Rinna Hebbel Hegel Heiberg, Johan Ludvig Heiberg, Johanne Louise +Heine Hello, Ernest Henrietta Herbart _Hernani_ _Hero of Our Time, A_ +Hertz, Henrik History, The Philosophy of _History of English +Literature,_ Hobbema Hohlenberg, Pastor Holberg Holst, Professor H.P. +Homer Hoppe, Mr. Horace Höyen Hugo, Victor Hume Huysmann Hvasser + +Ibsen _Indiana_ Ingeborg Ingemann Inger _Inheritance, The_ +_Intelligence, De l'_ + +Jacob, Uncle _Jacques_ _Jamber_ Janet Jens. Jesus. _Jesus, Life of_. +Jews. _Joie fait Peur, La_. Judaism. _Judith_. Julius, Uncle. Jutland. + +Kaalund. Kant. Kappers. Karoline. Key, Ellen. Kierkegaard, Sören. _King +Svorre_. Krieger. Klareboderne. Kleist, Heinrich. _Knowledge and Faith, +On_. + +Lafontaine, Mr. Lamartine. Lange, Julius. _Laocoon_. _Last Supper, +Leonardo's_. Lavaggi. Law. _Law, Interpretation of the_. Leconte. +Lehmann, Orla. Leman, Lake. Leonardo. Leopold of Hohenzollern. +Lermontof. Lessing. Lévêque. _Liberty, On_. _Lion Amoureux, Le_. +Literature; + Danish; + European; + French. +_Literature, History of_, Thortsen's. Little Red Riding-Hood. Littré. +Logic of Fundamental Ideas. Louise, Mademoiselle. _Love Comedy_. +_Lucrèce_. Ludvig. Luini. Lund, Jörgen. Lund, Troels. + +M., Mademoiselle Mathilde. _Macbeth_. Machiavelli. Mackeprang. +Macmahon. _Madvig_. Malgren. Manderström, Count. Marat. Marcelin. +Maren. Margharita, Princess. Maria. _Mariage de Figaro, Le_. Marmier, +Xavier. Martensen, Bishop. Martial. Mary. Mathilde, Princess. +Maximilian, Emperor. Mérimée. Meza, General de. Michelet. Micromégas. +Milan. Mill, James. Mill, John Stuart _Misanthrope, Le_ Möhl Molière +Möller, Kristian Möller, Poul Möller, P.L. Monrad Mounet-Sully Muddie +_Musketeers, Les Trois_ Musset, Alfred de + +_Nana_ Napoleon III Nerval, Gérard de _Niebelungenlied, The_ Niels +Nielsen, Frederik Nielsen, Rasmus Nina K. Nisard Nodier Nörregaard +_Notes sur l'Angleterre_ _Notre Dame de Paris_ Noufflard, Georges +Nutzhorn, Frederick Nybböl Nycander + +Odescalchi, Prince Odyssey, The Oehlenschläger Oersted, Anders Sandöe +Olcott Ollivier, Prime Minister _Once upon a Time_ _Orientales, Les_ +_Over the Hills and Far Away_ Ovid + +P.P. Pagella Païva, Madame de Palikao Paludan-Müller, Caspar +Paludan-Müller, Frederick Paludan-Müller, Jens Pantaleoni, Dr. +Pantheism Paris Paris, Gaston Pascal Patti, Adelina Paulsen, Harald +Peer _Peer Gynt_ Per Petersen, Emil Philippe, Louis Philoctetes +Philosophy Piedmont, History of Pilgrimage to Kevlaar Pindar Planche +Plato Plautus Ploug, Carl _Poetry, The Infinitely Small and the +Infinitely Great in_ Ponsard Prahl Prévost-Paradol Prim, Don Juan Prose +Writings, Heiberg's Proudhon + +_Rabbi and Knight_ Raphael Raupach Ravnkilde, Niels Realism, Ideal +Ream, Vinnie Régnault Régnier Relling Rembrandt Renan Renan, M., +L'Allemagne et l'Athéisme au 19me Siècle Reuter, Fritz Reventlow, +Counts Ribbing Richardt, Christian Ristori Rochefort Rode, Gotfred +Rode, Vilhelm Roman Elegies Rome Rosenstand, Vilhelm Rosette, Aunt +Rosiény, Marc de Rossi Rothe, Clara Rousseau Rubens Runeberg, Walter +Ruysdael + +Sacy, Silvestre de Sain Saint Simon Saint-Victor Sainte-Beuve Sand, +George Sarah, Aunt Saredo, Giuseppe Savonarola Savoy Scenes from the +Lives of the Warriors of the North Schandorph Schätzig Schelling +Schiödte, J.C. 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