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diff --git a/8147.txt b/8147.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c7dfa65 --- /dev/null +++ b/8147.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1813 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Man Who Would Be King, by Rudyard Kipling + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most +other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of +the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + +Title: The Man Who Would Be King + +Author: Rudyard Kipling + +Posting Date: September 8, 2014 [EBook #8147] +Release Date: May, 2005 +First Posted: June 20, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING *** + + + + +Produced by Jeffrey Kraus-yao + + + + + + + + + +The Man Who Would be King + + By + + Rudyard Kipling + + + + +Published by Brentano's at 31 Union Square New York + + THE MAN WHO WOULD + BE KING + +"Brother to a Prince and fellow to a beggar if he be found worthy." + +The Law, as quoted, lays down a fair conduct of life, and one not easy +to follow. I have been fellow to a beggar again and again under +circumstances which prevented either of us finding out whether the +other was worthy. I have still to be brother to a Prince, though I once +came near to kinship with what might have been a veritable King and was +promised the reversion of a Kingdom--army, law-courts, revenue and +policy all complete. But, to-day, I greatly fear that my King is dead, +and if I want a crown I must go and hunt it for myself. + +The beginning of everything was in a railway train upon the road to +Mhow from Ajmir. There had been a deficit in the Budget, which +necessitated travelling, not Second-class, which is only half as dear +as First-class, but by Intermediate, which is very awful indeed. There +are no cushions in the Intermediate class, and the population are +either Intermediate, which is Eurasian, or native, which for a long +night journey is nasty; or Loafer, which is amusing though intoxicated. +Intermediates do not patronize refreshment-rooms. They carry their food +in bundles and pots, and buy sweets from the native sweetmeat-sellers, +and drink the roadside water. That is why in the hot weather +Intermediates are taken out of the carriages dead, and in all weathers +are most properly looked down upon. + +My particular Intermediate happened to be empty till I reached +Nasirabad, when a huge gentleman in shirt-sleeves entered, and, +following the custom of Intermediates, passed the time of day. He was a +wanderer and a vagabond like myself, but with an educated taste for +whiskey. He told tales of things he had seen and done, of +out-of-the-way corners of the Empire into which he had penetrated, and +of adventures in which he risked his life for a few days' food. "If +India was filled with men like you and me, not knowing more than the +crows where they'd get their next day's rations, it isn't seventy +millions of revenue the land would be paying--it's seven hundred +million," said he; and as I looked at his mouth and chin I was disposed +to agree with him. We talked politics--the politics of Loaferdom that +sees things from the underside where the lath and plaster is not +smoothed off--and we talked postal arrangements because my friend +wanted to send a telegram back from the next station to Ajmir, which is +the turning-off place from the Bombay to the Mhow line as you travel +westward. My friend had no money beyond eight annas which he wanted for +dinner, and I had no money at all, owing to the hitch in the Budget +before mentioned. Further, I was going into a wilderness where, though +I should resume touch with the Treasury, there were no telegraph +offices. I was, therefore, unable to help him in any way. + +"We might threaten a Station-master, and make him send a wire on tick," +said my friend, "but that'd mean inquiries for you and for me, and I've +got my hands full these days. Did you say you are travelling back along +this line within any days?" + +"Within ten," I said. + +"Can't you make it eight?" said he. "Mine is rather urgent business." + +"I can send your telegram within ten days if that will serve you," I +said. + +"I couldn't trust the wire to fetch him now I think of it. It's this +way. He leaves Delhi on the 23d for Bombay. That means he'll be running +through Ajmir about the night of the 23d." + +"But I'm going into the Indian Desert," I explained. + +"Well and good," said he. "You'll be changing at Marwar Junction to get +into Jodhpore territory--you must do that--and he'll be coming through +Marwar Junction in the early morning of the 24th by the Bombay Mail. +Can you be at Marwar Junction on that time? 'Twon't be inconveniencing +you because I know that there's precious few pickings to be got out of +these Central India States--even though you pretend to be correspondent +of the Backwoodsman." + +"Have you ever tried that trick?" I asked. + +"Again and again, but the Residents find you out, and then you get +escorted to the Border before you've time to get your knife into them. +But about my friend here. I must give him a word o' mouth to tell him +what's come to me or else he won't know where to go. I would take it +more than kind of you if you was to come out of Central India in time +to catch him at Marwar Junction, and say to him:--'He has gone South +for the week.' He'll know what that means. He's a big man with a red +beard, and a great swell he is. You'll find him sleeping like a +gentleman with all his luggage round him in a second-class compartment. +But don't you be afraid. Slip down the window, and say:--'He has gone +South for the week,' and he'll tumble. It's only cutting your time of +stay in those parts by two days. I ask you as a stranger--going to the +West," he said with emphasis. + +"Where have you come from?" said I. + +"From the East," said he, "and I am hoping that you will give him the +message on the Square--for the sake of my Mother as well as your own." + +Englishmen are not usually softened by appeals to the memory of their +mothers, but for certain reasons, which will be fully apparent, I saw +fit to agree. + +"It's more than a little matter," said he, "and that's why I ask you to +do it--and now I know that I can depend on you doing it. A second-class +carriage at Marwar Junction, and a red-haired man asleep in it. You'll +be sure to remember. I get out at the next station, and I must hold on +there till he comes or sends me what I want." + +"I'll give the message if I catch him," I said, "and for the sake of +your Mother as well as mine I'll give you a word of advice. Don't try +to run the Central India States just now as the correspondent of the +Backwoodsman. There's a real one knocking about here, and it might lead +to trouble." + +"Thank you," said he simply, "and when will the swine be gone? I can't +starve because he's ruining my work. I wanted to get hold of the +Degumber Rajah down here about his father's widow, and give him a jump." + +"What did he do to his father's widow, then?" + +"Filled her up with red pepper and slippered her to death as she hung +from a beam. I found that out myself and I'm the only man that would +dare going into the State to get hush-money for it. They'll try to +poison me, same as they did in Chortumna when I went on the loot there. +But you'll give the man at Marwar Junction my message?" + +He got out at a little roadside station, and I reflected. I had heard, +more than once, of men personating correspondents of newspapers and +bleeding small Native States with threats of exposure, but I had never +met any of the caste before. They lead a hard life, and generally die +with great suddenness. The Native States have a wholesome horror of +English newspapers, which may throw light on their peculiar methods of +government, and do their best to choke correspondents with champagne, +or drive them out of their mind with four-in-hand barouches. They do +not understand that nobody cares a straw for the internal +administration of Native States so long as oppression and crime are +kept within decent limits, and the ruler is not drugged, drunk, or +diseased from one end of the year to the other. Native States were +created by Providence in order to supply picturesque scenery, tigers +and tall-writing. They are the dark places of the earth, full of +unimaginable cruelty, touching the Railway and the Telegraph on one +side, and, on the other, the days of Harun-al-Raschid. When I left the +train I did business with divers Kings, and in eight days passed +through many changes of life. Sometimes I wore dress-clothes and +consorted with Princes and Politicals, drinking from crystal and eating +from silver. Sometimes I lay out upon the ground and devoured what I +could get, from a plate made of a flapjack, and drank the running +water, and slept under the same rug as my servant. It was all in a +day's work. + +Then I headed for the Great Indian Desert upon the proper date, as I +had promised, and the night Mail set me down at Marwar Junction, where +a funny little, happy-go-lucky, native managed railway runs to +Jodhpore. The Bombay Mail from Delhi makes a short halt at Marwar. She +arrived as I got in, and I had just time to hurry to her platform and +go down the carriages. There was only one second-class on the train. I +slipped the window and looked down upon a flaming red beard, half +covered by a railway rug. That was my man, fast asleep, and I dug him +gently in the ribs. He woke with a grunt and I saw his face in the +light of the lamps. It was a great and shining face. + +"Tickets again?" said he. + +"No," said I. "I am to tell you that he is gone South for the week. He +is gone South for the week!" + +The train had begun to move out. The red man rubbed his eyes. "He has +gone South for the week," he repeated. "Now that's just like his +impudence. Did he say that I was to give you anything?--'Cause I won't." + +"He didn't," I said and dropped away, and watched the red lights die +out in the dark. It was horribly cold because the wind was blowing off +the sands. I climbed into my own train--not an Intermediate Carriage +this time--and went to sleep. + +If the man with the beard had given me a rupee I should have kept it as +a memento of a rather curious affair. But the consciousness of having +done my duty was my only reward. + +Later on I reflected that two gentlemen like my friends could not do +any good if they foregathered and personated correspondents of +newspapers, and might, if they "stuck up" one of the little rat-trap +states of Central India or Southern Rajputana, get themselves into +serious difficulties. I therefore took some trouble to describe them as +accurately as I could remember to people who would be interested in +deporting them; and succeeded, so I was later informed, in having them +headed back from the Degumber borders. + +Then I became respectable, and returned to an Office where there were +no Kings and no incidents except the daily manufacture of a newspaper. +A newspaper office seems to attract every conceivable sort of person, +to the prejudice of discipline. Zenana-mission ladies arrive, and beg +that the Editor will instantly abandon all his duties to describe a +Christian prize-giving in a back-slum of a perfectly inaccessible +village; Colonels who have been overpassed for commands sit down and +sketch the outline of a series of ten, twelve, or twenty-four leading +articles on Seniority versus Selection; missionaries wish to know why +they have not been permitted to escape from their regular vehicles of +abuse and swear at a brother-missionary under special patronage of the +editorial We; stranded theatrical companies troop up to explain that +they cannot pay for their advertisements, but on their return from New +Zealand or Tahiti will do so with interest; inventors of patent +punkah-pulling machines, carriage couplings and unbreakable swords and +axle-trees call with specifications in their pockets and hours at their +disposal; tea-companies enter and elaborate their prospectuses with the +office pens; secretaries of ball-committees clamor to have the glories +of their last dance more fully expounded; strange ladies rustle in and +say:--"I want a hundred lady's cards printed at once, please," which is +manifestly part of an Editor's duty; and every dissolute ruffian that +ever tramped the Grand Trunk Road makes it his business to ask for +employment as a proof-reader. And, all the time, the telephone-bell is +ringing madly, and Kings are being killed on the Continent, and Empires +are saying, "You're another," and Mister Gladstone is calling down +brimstone upon the British Dominions, and the little black copy-boys +are whining, "kaa-pi chayha-yeh" (copy wanted) like tired bees, and +most of the paper is as blank as Modred's shield. + +But that is the amusing part of the year. There are other six months +wherein none ever come to call, and the thermometer walks inch by inch +up to the top of the glass, and the office is darkened to just above +reading light, and the press machines are red-hot of touch, and nobody +writes anything but accounts of amusements in the Hill-stations or +obituary notices. Then the telephone becomes a tinkling terror, because +it tells you of the sudden deaths of men and women that you knew +intimately, and the prickly-heat covers you as with a garment, and you +sit down and write:--"A slight increase of sickness is reported from +the Khuda Janta Khan District. The outbreak is purely sporadic in its +nature, and, thanks to the energetic efforts of the District +authorities, is now almost at an end. It is, however, with deep regret +we record the death, etc." + +Then the sickness really breaks out, and the less recording and +reporting the better for the peace of the subscribers. But the Empires +and the Kings continue to divert themselves as selfishly as before, and +the foreman thinks that a daily paper really ought to come out once in +twenty-four hours, and all the people at the Hill-stations in the +middle of their amusements say:--"Good gracious! Why can't the paper be +sparkling? I'm sure there's plenty going on up here." + +That is the dark half of the moon, and, as the advertisements say, +"must be experienced to be appreciated." + +It was in that season, and a remarkably evil season, that the paper +began running the last issue of the week on Saturday night, which is to +say Sunday morning, after the custom of a London paper. This was a +great convenience, for immediately after the paper was put to bed, the +dawn would lower the thermometer from 96 deg. to almost 84 deg. for almost half +an hour, and in that chill--you have no idea how cold is 84 deg. on the +grass until you begin to pray for it--a very tired man could set off to +sleep ere the heat roused him. + +One Saturday night it was my pleasant duty to put the paper to bed +alone. A King or courtier or a courtesan or a community was going to +die or get a new Constitution, or do something that was important on +the other side of the world, and the paper was to be held open till the +latest possible minute in order to catch the telegram. It was a pitchy +black night, as stifling as a June night can be, and the loo, the +red-hot wind from the westward, was booming among the tinder-dry trees +and pretending that the rain was on its heels. Now and again a spot of +almost boiling water would fall on the dust with the flop of a frog, +but all our weary world knew that was only pretence. It was a shade +cooler in the press-room than the office, so I sat there, while the +type ticked and clicked, and the night-jars hooted at the windows, and +the all but naked compositors wiped the sweat from their foreheads and +called for water. The thing that was keeping us back, whatever it was, +would not come off, though the loo dropped and the last type was set, +and the whole round earth stood still in the choking heat, with its +finger on its lip, to wait the event. I drowsed, and wondered whether +the telegraph was a blessing, and whether this dying man, or struggling +people, was aware of the inconvenience the delay was causing. There was +no special reason beyond the heat and worry to make tension, but, as +the clock-hands crept up to three o'clock and the machines spun their +fly-wheels two and three times to see that all was in order, before I +said the word that would set them off, I could have shrieked aloud. + +Then the roar and rattle of the wheels shivered the quiet into little +bits. I rose to go away, but two men in white clothes stood in front of +me. The first one said:--"It's him!" The second said--"So it is!" And +they both laughed almost as loudly as the machinery roared, and mopped +their foreheads. "We see there was a light burning across the road and +we were sleeping in that ditch there for coolness, and I said to my +friend here, the office is open. Let's come along and speak to him as +turned us back from the Degumber State," said the smaller of the two. +He was the man I had met in the Mhow train, and his fellow was the +red-bearded man of Marwar Junction. There was no mistaking the eyebrows +of the one or the beard of the other. + +I was not pleased, because I wished to go to sleep, not to squabble +with loafers. "What do you want?" I asked. + +"Half an hour's talk with you cool and comfortable, in the office," +said the red-bearded man. "We'd like some drink--the Contrack doesn't +begin yet, Peachey, so you needn't look--but what we really want is +advice. We don't want money. We ask you as a favor, because you did us +a bad turn about Degumber." + +I led from the press-room to the stifling office with the maps on the +walls, and the red-haired man rubbed his hands. "That's something +like," said he. "This was the proper shop to come to. Now, Sir, let me +introduce to you Brother Peachey Carnehan, that's him, and Brother +Daniel Dravot, that is me, and the less said about our professions the +better, for we have been most things in our time. Soldier, sailor, +compositor, photographer, proof-reader, street-preacher, and +correspondents of the Backwoodsman when we thought the paper wanted +one. Carnehan is sober, and so am I. Look at us first and see that's +sure. It will save you cutting into my talk. We'll take one of your +cigars apiece, and you shall see us light." I watched the test. The men +were absolutely sober, so I gave them each a tepid peg. + +"Well and good," said Carnehan of the eyebrows, wiping the froth from +his mustache. "Let me talk now, Dan. We have been all over India, +mostly on foot. We have been boiler-fitters, engine-drivers, petty +contractors, and all that, and we have decided that India isn't big +enough for such as us." + +They certainly were too big for the office. Dravot's beard seemed to +fill half the room and Carnehan's shoulders the other half, as they sat +on the big table. Carnehan continued:--"The country isn't half worked +out because they that governs it won't let you touch it. They spend all +their blessed time in governing it, and you can't lift a spade, nor +chip a rock, nor look for oil, nor anything like that without all the +Government saying--'Leave it alone and let us govern.' Therefore, such +as it is, we will let it alone, and go away to some other place where a +man isn't crowded and can come to his own. We are not little men, and +there is nothing that we are afraid of except Drink, and we have signed +a Contrack on that. Therefore, we are going away to be Kings." + +"Kings in our own right," muttered Dravot. + +"Yes, of course," I said. "You've been tramping in the sun, and it's a +very warm night, and hadn't you better sleep over the notion? Come +to-morrow." + +"Neither drunk nor sunstruck," said Dravot. "We have slept over the +notion half a year, and require to see Books and Atlases, and we have +decided that there is only one place now in the world that two strong +men can Sar-a-whack. They call it Kafiristan. By my reckoning its the +top right-hand corner of Afghanistan, not more than three hundred miles +from Peshawar. They have two and thirty heathen idols there, and we'll +be the thirty-third. It's a mountainous country, and the women of those +parts are very beautiful." + +"But that is provided against in the Contrack," said Carnehan. "Neither +Women nor Liquor, Daniel." + +"And that's all we know, except that no one has gone there, and they +fight, and in any place where they fight a man who knows how to drill +men can always be a King. We shall go to those parts and say to any +King we find--'D' you want to vanquish your foes?' and we will show him +how to drill men; for that we know better than anything else. Then we +will subvert that King and seize his Throne and establish a Dy-nasty." + +"You'll be cut to pieces before you're fifty miles across the Border," +I said. "You have to travel through Afghanistan to get to that country. +It's one mass of mountains and peaks and glaciers, and no Englishman +has been through it. The people are utter brutes, and even if you +reached them you couldn't do anything." + +"That's more like," said Carnehan. "If you could think us a little more +mad we would be more pleased. We have come to you to know about this +country, to read a book about it, and to be shown maps. We want you to +tell us that we are fools and to show us your books." He turned to the +book-cases. + +"Are you at all in earnest?" I said. + +"A little," said Dravot, sweetly. "As big a map as you have got, even +if it's all blank where Kafiristan is, and any books you've got. We can +read, though we aren't very educated." + +I uncased the big thirty-two-miles-to-the-inch map of India, and two +smaller Frontier maps, hauled down volume INF-KAN of the Encyclopaedia +Britannica, and the men consulted them. + +"See here!" said Dravot, his thumb on the map. "Up to Jagdallak, +Peachey and me know the road. We was there with Roberts's Army. We'll +have to turn off to the right at Jagdallak through Laghmann territory. +Then we get among the hills--fourteen thousand feet--fifteen +thousand--it will be cold work there, but it don't look very far on the +map." + +I handed him Wood on the Sources of the Oxus. Carnehan was deep in the +Encyclopaedia. + +"They're a mixed lot," said Dravot, reflectively; "and it won't help us +to know the names of their tribes. The more tribes the more they'll +fight, and the better for us. From Jagdallak to Ashang. H'mm!" + +"But all the information about the country is as sketchy and inaccurate +as can be," I protested. "No one knows anything about it really. Here's +the file of the United Services' Institute. Read what Bellew says." + +"Blow Bellew!" said Carnehan. "Dan, they're an all-fired lot of +heathens, but this book here says they think they're related to us +English." + +I smoked while the men pored over Raverty, Wood, the maps and the +Encyclopaedia. + +"There is no use your waiting," said Dravot, politely. "It's about four +o'clock now. We'll go before six o'clock if you want to sleep, and we +won't steal any of the papers. Don't you sit up. We're two harmless +lunatics, and if you come, to-morrow evening, down to the Serai we'll +say good-by to you." + +"You are two fools," I answered. "You'll be turned back at the Frontier +or cut up the minute you set foot in Afghanistan. Do you want any money +or a recommendation down-country? I can help you to the chance of work +next week." + +"Next week we shall be hard at work ourselves, thank you," said Dravot. +"It isn't so easy being a King as it looks. When we've got our Kingdom +in going order we'll let you know, and you can come up and help us to +govern it." + +"Would two lunatics make a Contrack like that!" said Carnehan, with +subdued pride, showing me a greasy half-sheet of note-paper on which +was written the following. I copied it, then and there, as a +curiosity:-- + +This Contract between me and you persuing witnesseth in the name of +God--Amen and so forth. + + (One) That me and you will settle this matter together: + i.e., to be Kings of Kafiristan. + (Two) That you and me will not while this matter is + being settled, look at any Liquor, nor any + Woman black, white or brown, so as to get + mixed up with one or the other harmful. + (Three) That we conduct ourselves with Dignity and + Discretion, and if one of us gets into trouble + the other will stay by him. + + Signed by you and me this day. + Peachey Taliaferro Carnehan. + Daniel Dravot. + Both Gentlemen at Large. + +"There was no need for the last article," said Carnehan, blushing +modestly; "but it looks regular. Now you know the sort of men that +loafers are--we are loafers, Dan, until we get out of India--and do you +think that we could sign a Contrack like that unless we was in earnest? +We have kept away from the two things that make life worth having." + +"You won't enjoy your lives much longer if you are going to try this +idiotic adventure. Don't set the office on fire," I said, "and go away +before nine o'clock." + +I left them still poring over the maps and making notes on the back of +the "Contrack." "Be sure to come down to the Serai to-morrow," were +their parting words. + +The Kumharsen Serai is the great four-square sink of humanity where the +strings of camels and horses from the North load and unload. All the +nationalities of Central Asia may be found there, and most of the folk +of India proper. Balkh and Bokhara there meet Bengal and Bombay, and +try to draw eye-teeth. You can buy ponies, turquoises, Persian +pussy-cats, saddle-bags, fat-tailed sheep and musk in the Kumharsen +Serai, and get many strange things for nothing. In the afternoon I went +down there to see whether my friends intended to keep their word or +were lying about drunk. + +A priest attired in fragments of ribbons and rags stalked up to me, +gravely twisting a child's paper whirligig. Behind him was his servant, +bending under the load of a crate of mud toys. The two were loading up +two camels, and the inhabitants of the Serai watched them with shrieks +of laughter. + +"The priest is mad," said a horse-dealer to me. "He is going up to +Kabul to sell toys to the Amir. He will either be raised to honor or +have his head cut off. He came in here this morning and has been +behaving madly ever since." + +"The witless are under the protection of God," stammered a flat-cheeked +Usbeg in broken Hindi. "They foretell future events." + +"Would they could have foretold that my caravan would have been cut up +by the Shinwaris almost within shadow of the Pass!" grunted the +Eusufzai agent of a Rajputana trading-house whose goods had been +feloniously diverted into the hands of other robbers just across the +Border, and whose misfortunes were the laughing-stock of the bazar. +"Ohe, priest, whence come you and whither do you go?" + +"From Roum have I come," shouted the priest, waving his whirligig; +"from Roum, blown by the breath of a hundred devils across the sea! O +thieves, robbers, liars, the blessing of Pir Khan on pigs, dogs, and +perjurers! Who will take the Protected of God to the North to sell +charms that are never still to the Amir? The camels shall not gall, the +sons shall not fall sick, and the wives shall remain faithful while +they are away, of the men who give me place in their caravan. Who will +assist me to slipper the King of the Roos with a golden slipper with a +silver heel? The protection of Pir Kahn be upon his labors!" He spread +out the skirts of his gaberdine and pirouetted between the lines of +tethered horses. + +"There starts a caravan from Peshawar to Kabul in twenty days, Huzrut," +said the Eusufzai trader. "My camels go therewith. Do thou also go and +bring us good luck." + +"I will go even now!" shouted the priest. "I will depart upon my winged +camels, and be at Peshawar in a day! Ho! Hazar Mir Khan," he yelled to +his servant "drive out the camels, but let me first mount my own." + +He leaped on the back of his beast as it knelt, and turning round to +me, cried:-- + +"Come thou also, Sahib, a little along the road, and I will sell thee a +charm--an amulet that shall make thee King of Kafiristan." + +Then the light broke upon me, and I followed the two camels out of the +Serai till we reached open road and the priest halted. + +"What d' you think o' that?" said he in English. "Carnehan can't talk +their patter, so I've made him my servant. He makes a handsome servant. +'Tisn't for nothing that I've been knocking about the country for +fourteen years. Didn't I do that talk neat? We'll hitch on to a caravan +at Peshawar till we get to Jagdallak, and then we'll see if we can get +donkeys for our camels, and strike into Kafiristan. Whirligigs for the +Amir, O Lor! Put your hand under the camel-bags and tell me what you +feel." + +I felt the butt of a Martini, and another and another. + +"Twenty of 'em," said Dravot, placidly. + +"Twenty of 'em, and ammunition to correspond, under the whirligigs and +the mud dolls." + +"Heaven help you if you are caught with those things!" I said. "A +Martini is worth her weight in silver among the Pathans." + +"Fifteen hundred rupees of capital--every rupee we could beg, borrow, +or steal--are invested on these two camels," said Dravot. "We won't get +caught. We're going through the Khaiber with a regular caravan. Who'd +touch a poor mad priest?" + +"Have you got everything you want?" I asked, overcome with astonishment. + +"Not yet, but we shall soon. Give us a momento of your kindness, +Brother. You did me a service yesterday, and that time in Marwar. Half +my Kingdom shall you have, as the saying is." I slipped a small charm +compass from my watch-chain and handed it up to the priest. + +"Good-by," said Dravot, giving me his hand cautiously. "It's the last +time we'll shake hands with an Englishman these many days. Shake hands +with him, Carnehan," he cried, as the second camel passed me. + +Carnehan leaned down and shook hands. Then the camels passed away along +the dusty road, and I was left alone to wonder. My eye could detect no +failure in the disguises. The scene in the Serai attested that they +were complete to the native mind. There was just the chance, therefore, +that Carnehan and Dravot would be able to wander through Afghanistan +without detection. But, beyond, they would find death, certain and +awful death. + +Ten days later a native friend of mine, giving me the news of the day +from Peshawar, wound up his letter with:--"There has been much laughter +here on account of a certain mad priest who is going in his estimation +to sell petty gauds and insignificant trinkets which he ascribes as +great charms to H. H. the Amir of Bokhara. He passed through Peshawar +and associated himself to the Second Summer caravan that goes to Kabul. +The merchants are pleased because through superstition they imagine +that such mad fellows bring good-fortune." + +The two then, were beyond the Border. I would have prayed for them, +but, that night, a real King died in Europe, and demanded an obituary +notice. + + * * * * * * * * + +The wheel of the world swings through the same phases again and again. +Summer passed and winter thereafter, and came and passed again. The +daily paper continued and I with it, and upon the third summer there +fell a hot night, a night-issue, and a strained waiting for something +to be telegraphed from the other side of the world, exactly as had +happened before. A few great men had died in the past two years, the +machines worked with more clatter, and some of the trees in the Office +garden were a few feet taller. But that was all the difference. + +I passed over to the press-room, and went through just such a scene as +I have already described. The nervous tension was stronger than it had +been two years before, and I felt the heat more acutely. At three +o'clock I cried, "Print off," and turned to go, when there crept to my +chair what was left of a man. He was bent into a circle, his head was +sunk between his shoulders, and he moved his feet one over the other +like a bear. I could hardly see whether he walked or crawled--this +rag-wrapped, whining cripple who addressed me by name, crying that he +was come back. "Can you give me a drink?" he whimpered. "For the Lord's +sake, give me a drink!" + +I went back to the office, the man following with groans of pain, and I +turned up the lamp. + +"Don't you know me?" he gasped, dropping into a chair, and he turned +his drawn face, surmounted by a shock of gray hair, to the light. + +I looked at him intently. Once before had I seen eyebrows that met over +the nose in an inch-broad black band, but for the life of me I could +not tell where. + +"I don't know you," I said, handing him the whiskey. "What can I do for +you?" + +He took a gulp of the spirit raw, and shivered in spite of the +suffocating heat. + +"I've come back," he repeated; "and I was the King of Kafiristan--me +and Dravot--crowned Kings we was! In this office we settled it--you +setting there and giving us the books. I am Peachey--Peachey Taliaferro +Carnehan, and you've been setting here ever since--O Lord!" + +I was more than a little astonished, and expressed my feelings +accordingly. + +"It's true," said Carnehan, with a dry cackle, nursing his feet which +were wrapped in rags. "True as gospel. Kings we were, with crowns upon +our heads--me and Dravot--poor Dan--oh, poor, poor Dan, that would +never take advice, not though I begged of him!" + +"Take the whiskey," I said, "and take your own time. Tell me all you +can recollect of everything from beginning to end. You got across the +border on your camels, Dravot dressed as a mad priest and you his +servant. Do you remember that?" + +"I ain't mad--yet, but I will be that way soon. Of course I remember. +Keep looking at me, or maybe my words will go all to pieces. Keep +looking at me in my eyes and don't say anything." + +I leaned forward and looked into his face as steadily as I could. He +dropped one hand upon the table and I grasped it by the wrist. It was +twisted like a bird's claw, and upon the back was a ragged, red, +diamond-shaped scar. + +"No, don't look there. Look at me," said Carnehan. + +"That comes afterwards, but for the Lord's sake don't distrack me. We +left with that caravan, me and Dravot, playing all sorts of antics to +amuse the people we were with. Dravot used to make us laugh in the +evenings when all the people was cooking their dinners--cooking their +dinners, and ... what did they do then? They lit little fires with +sparks that went into Dravot's beard, and we all laughed--fit to die. +Little red fires they was, going into Dravot's big red beard--so +funny." His eyes left mine and he smiled foolishly. + +"You went as far as Jagdallak with that caravan," I said at a venture, +"after you had lit those fires. To Jagdallak, where you turned off to +try to get into Kafiristan." + +"No, we didn't neither. What are you talking about? We turned off +before Jagdallak, because we heard the roads was good. But they wasn't +good enough for our two camels--mine and Dravot's. When we left the +caravan, Dravot took off all his clothes and mine too, and said we +would be heathen, because the Kafirs didn't allow Mohammedans to talk +to them. So we dressed betwixt and between, and such a sight as Daniel +Dravot I never saw yet nor expect to see again. He burned half his +beard, and slung a sheep-skin over his shoulder, and shaved his head +into patterns. He shaved mine, too, and made me wear outrageous things +to look like a heathen. That was in a most mountaineous country, and +our camels couldn't go along any more because of the mountains. They +were tall and black, and coming home I saw them fight like wild +goats--there are lots of goats in Kafiristan. And these mountains, they +never keep still, no more than the goats. Always fighting they are, and +don't let you sleep at night." + +"Take some more whiskey," I said, very slowly. "What did you and Daniel +Dravot do when the camels could go no further because of the rough +roads that led into Kafiristan?" + +"What did which do? There was a party called Peachey Taliaferro +Carnehan that was with Dravot. Shall I tell you about him? He died out +there in the cold. Slap from the bridge fell old Peachey, turning and +twisting in the air like a penny whirligig that you can sell to the +Amir--No; they was two for three ha'pence, those whirligigs, or I am +much mistaken and woful sore. And then these camels were no use, and +Peachey said to Dravot--'For the Lord's sake, let's get out of this +before our heads are chopped off,' and with that they killed the camels +all among the mountains, not having anything in particular to eat, but +first they took off the boxes with the guns and the ammunition, till +two men came along driving four mules. Dravot up and dances in front of +them, singing,--'Sell me four mules.' Says the first man,--'If you are +rich enough to buy, you are rich enough to rob;' but before ever he +could put his hand to his knife, Dravot breaks his neck over his knee, +and the other party runs away. So Carnehan loaded the mules with the +rifles that was taken off the camels, and together we starts forward +into those bitter cold mountainous parts, and never a road broader than +the back of your hand." + +He paused for a moment, while I asked him if he could remember the +nature of the country through which he had journeyed. + +"I am telling you as straight as I can, but my head isn't as good as it +might be. They drove nails through it to make me hear better how Dravot +died. The country was mountainous and the mules were most contrary, and +the inhabitants was dispersed and solitary. They went up and up, and +down and down, and that other party Carnehan, was imploring of Dravot +not to sing and whistle so loud, for fear of bringing down the +tremenjus avalanches. But Dravot says that if a King couldn't sing it +wasn't worth being King, and whacked the mules over the rump, and never +took no heed for ten cold days. We came to a big level valley all among +the mountains, and the mules were near dead, so we killed them, not +having anything in special for them or us to eat. We sat upon the +boxes, and played odd and even with the cartridges that was jolted out. + +"Then ten men with bows and arrows ran down that valley, chasing twenty +men with bows and arrows, and the row was tremenjus. They was fair +men--fairer than you or me--with yellow hair and remarkable well built. +Says Dravot, unpacking the guns--'This is the beginning of the +business. We'll fight for the ten men,' and with that he fires two +rifles at the twenty men and drops one of them at two hundred yards +from the rock where we was sitting. The other men began to run, but +Carnehan and Dravot sits on the boxes picking them off at all ranges, +up and down the valley. Then we goes up to the ten men that had run +across the snow too, and they fires a footy little arrow at us. Dravot +he shoots above their heads and they all falls down flat. Then he walks +over them and kicks them, and then he lifts them up and shakes hands +all around to make them friendly like. He calls them and gives them the +boxes to carry, and waves his hand for all the world as though he was +King already. They takes the boxes and him across the valley and up the +hill into a pine wood on the top, where there was half a dozen big +stone idols. Dravot he goes to the biggest--a fellow they call +Imbra--and lays a rifle and a cartridge at his feet, rubbing his nose +respectful with his own nose, patting him on the head, and saluting in +front of it. He turns round to the men and nods his head, and +says,--'That's all right. I'm in the know too, and these old jim-jams +are my friends.' Then he opens his mouth and points down it, and when +the first man brings him food, he says--'No;' and when the second man +brings him food, he says--'No;' but when one of the old priests and the +boss of the village brings him food, he says--'Yes;' very haughty, and +eats it slow. That was how we came to our first village, without any +trouble, just as though we had tumbled from the skies. But we tumbled +from one of those damned rope-bridges, you see, and you couldn't expect +a man to laugh much after that." + +"Take some more whiskey and go on," I said. "That was the first village +you came into. How did you get to be King?" + +"I wasn't King," said Carnehan. "Dravot he was the King, and a handsome +man he looked with the gold crown on his head and all. Him and the +other party stayed in that village, and every morning Dravot sat by the +side of old Imbra, and the people came and worshipped. That was +Dravot's order. Then a lot of men came into the valley, and Carnehan +and Dravot picks them off with the rifles before they knew where they +was, and runs down into the valley and up again the other side, and +finds another village, same as the first one, and the people all falls +down flat on their faces, and Dravot says,--'Now what is the trouble +between you two villages?' and the people points to a woman, as fair as +you or me, that was carried off, and Dravot takes her back to the first +village and counts up the dead--eight there was. For each dead man +Dravot pours a little milk on the ground and waves his arms like a +whirligig and, 'That's all right,' says he. Then he and Carnehan takes +the big boss of each village by the arm and walks them down into the +valley, and shows them how to scratch a line with a spear right down +the valley, and gives each a sod of turf from both sides o' the line. +Then all the people comes down and shouts like the devil and all, and +Dravot says,--'Go and dig the land, and be fruitful and multiply,' +which they did, though they didn't understand. Then we asks the names +of things in their lingo--bread and water and fire and idols and such, +and Dravot leads the priest of each village up to the idol, and says he +must sit there and judge the people, and if anything goes wrong he is +to be shot. + +"Next week they was all turning up the land in the valley as quiet as +bees and much prettier, and the priests heard all the complaints and +told Dravot in dumb show what it was about. 'That's just the +beginning,' says Dravot. 'They think we're gods.' He and Carnehan picks +out twenty good men and shows them how to click off a rifle, and form +fours, and advance in line, and they was very pleased to do so, and +clever to see the hang of it. Then he takes out his pipe and his +baccy-pouch and leaves one at one village, and one at the other, and +off we two goes to see what was to be done in the next valley. That was +all rock, and there was a little village there, and Carnehan +says,--'Send 'em to the old valley to plant,' and takes 'em there and +gives 'em some land that wasn't took before. They were a poor lot, and +we blooded 'em with a kid before letting 'em into the new Kingdom. That +was to impress the people, and then they settled down quiet, and +Carnehan went back to Dravot who had got into another valley, all snow +and ice and most mountainous. There was no people there and the Army +got afraid, so Dravot shoots one of them, and goes on till he finds +some people in a village, and the Army explains that unless the people +wants to be killed they had better not shoot their little matchlocks; +for they had matchlocks. We makes friends with the priest and I stays +there alone with two of the Army, teaching the men how to drill, and a +thundering big Chief comes across the snow with kettledrums and horns +twanging, because he heard there was a new god kicking about. Carnehan +sights for the brown of the men half a mile across the snow and wings +one of them. Then he sends a message to the Chief that, unless he +wished to be killed, he must come and shake hands with me and leave his +arms behind. The Chief comes alone first, and Carnehan shakes hands +with him and whirls his arms about, same as Dravot used, and very much +surprised that Chief was, and strokes my eyebrows. Then Carnehan goes +alone to the Chief, and asks him in dumb show if he had an enemy he +hated. 'I have,' says the Chief. So Carnehan weeds out the pick of his +men, and sets the two of the Army to show them drill and at the end of +two weeks the men can manoeuvre about as well as Volunteers. So he +marches with the Chief to a great big plain on the top of a mountain, +and the Chiefs men rushes into a village and takes it; we three +Martinis firing into the brown of the enemy. So we took that village +too, and I gives the Chief a rag from my coat and says, 'Occupy till I +come': which was scriptural. By way of a reminder, when me and the Army +was eighteen hundred yards away, I drops a bullet near him standing on +the snow, and all the people falls flat on their faces. Then I sends a +letter to Dravot, wherever he be by land or by sea." + +At the risk of throwing the creature out of train I interrupted,--"How +could you write a letter up yonder?" + +"The letter?--Oh! -- The letter! Keep looking at me between the eyes, +please. It was a string-talk letter, that we'd learned the way of it +from a blind beggar in the Punjab." + +I remember that there had once come to the office a blind man with a +knotted twig and a piece of string which he wound round the twig +according to some cypher of his own. He could, after the lapse of days +or hours, repeat the sentence which he had reeled up. He had reduced +the alphabet to eleven primitive sounds; and tried to teach me his +method, but failed. + +"I sent that letter to Dravot," said Carnehan; "and told him to come +back because this Kingdom was growing too big for me to handle, and +then I struck for the first valley, to see how the priests were +working. They called the village we took along with the Chief, Bashkai, +and the first village we took, Er-Heb. The priest at Er-Heb was doing +all right, but they had a lot of pending cases about land to show me, +and some men from another village had been firing arrows at night. I +went out and looked for that village and fired four rounds at it from a +thousand yards. That used all the cartridges I cared to spend, and I +waited for Dravot, who had been away two or three months, and I kept my +people quiet. + +"One morning I heard the devil's own noise of drums and horns, and Dan +Dravot marches down the hill with his Army and a tail of hundreds of +men, and, which was the most amazing--a great gold crown on his head. +'My Gord, Carnehan,' says Daniel, 'this is a tremenjus business, and +we've got the whole country as far as it's worth having. I am the son +of Alexander by Queen Semiramis, and you're my younger brother and a +god too! It's the biggest thing we've ever seen. I've been marching and +fighting for six weeks with the Army, and every footy little village +for fifty miles has come in rejoiceful; and more than that, I've got +the key of the whole show, as you'll see, and I've got a crown for you! +I told 'em to make two of 'em at a place called Shu, where the gold +lies in the rock like suet in mutton. Gold I've seen, and turquoise +I've kicked out of the cliffs, and there's garnets in the sands of the +river, and here's a chunk of amber that a man brought me. Call up all +the priests and, here, take your crown.' + +"One of the men opens a black hair bag and I slips the crown on. It was +too small and too heavy, but I wore it for the glory. Hammered gold it +was--five pound weight, like a hoop of a barrel. + +"'Peachey,' says Dravot, 'we don't want to fight no more. The Craft's +the trick so help me!' and he brings forward that same Chief that I +left at Bashkai--Billy Fish we called him afterwards, because he was so +like Billy Fish that drove the big tank-engine at Mach on the Bolan in +the old days. 'Shake hands with him,' says Dravot, and I shook hands +and nearly dropped, for Billy Fish gave me the Grip. I said nothing, +but tried him with the Fellow Craft Grip. He answers, all right, and I +tried the Master's Grip, but that was a slip. 'A Fellow Craft he is!' I +says to Dan. 'Does he know the word?' 'He does,' says Dan, 'and all the +priests know. It's a miracle! The Chiefs and the priest can work a +Fellow Craft Lodge in a way that's very like ours, and they've cut the +marks on the rocks, but they don't know the Third Degree, and they've +come to find out. It's Gord's Truth. I've known these long years that +the Afghans knew up to the Fellow Craft Degree, but this is a miracle. +A god and a Grand-Master of the Craft am I, and a Lodge in the Third +Degree I will open, and we'll raise the head priests and the Chiefs of +the villages.' + +"'It's against all the law,' I says, 'holding a Lodge without warrant +from any one; and we never held office in any Lodge.' + +"'It's a master-stroke of policy,' says Dravot. 'It means running the +country as easy as a four-wheeled bogy on a down grade. We can't stop +to inquire now, or they'll turn against us. I've forty Chiefs at my +heel, and passed and raised according to their merit they shall be. +Billet these men on the villages and see that we run up a Lodge of some +kind. The temple of Imbra will do for the Lodge-room. The women must +make aprons as you show them. I'll hold a levee of Chiefs tonight and +Lodge to-morrow.' + +"I was fair rim off my legs, but I wasn't such a fool as not to see +what a pull this Craft business gave us. I showed the priests' families +how to make aprons of the degrees, but for Dravot's apron the blue +border and marks was made of turquoise lumps on white hide, not cloth. +We took a great square stone in the temple for the Master's chair, and +little stones for the officers' chairs, and painted the black pavement +with white squares, and did what we could to make things regular. + +"At the levee which was held that night on the hillside with big +bonfires, Dravot gives out that him and me were gods and sons of +Alexander, and Past Grand-Masters in the Craft, and was come to make +Kafiristan a country where every man should eat in peace and drink in +quiet, and specially obey us. Then the Chiefs come round to shake +hands, and they was so hairy and white and fair it was just shaking +hands with old friends. We gave them names according as they was like +men we had known in India--Billy Fish, Holly Dilworth, Pikky Kergan +that was Bazar-master when I was at Mhow, and so on, and so on. + +"The most amazing miracle was at Lodge next night. One of the old +priests was watching us continuous, and I felt uneasy, for I knew we'd +have to fudge the Ritual, and I didn't know what the men knew. The old +priest was a stranger come in from beyond the village of Bashkai. The +minute Dravot puts on the Master's apron that the girls had made for +him, the priest fetches a whoop and a howl, and tries to overturn the +stone that Dravot was sitting on. 'It's all up now,' I says. 'That +comes of meddling with the Craft without warrant!' Dravot never winked +an eye, not when ten priests took and tilted over the Grand-Master's +chair--which was to say the stone of Imbra. The priest begins rubbing +the bottom end of it to clear away the black dirt, and presently he +shows all the other priests the Master's Mark, same as was on Dravot's +apron, cut into the stone. Not even the priests of the temple of Imbra +knew it was there. The old chap falls flat on his face at Dravot's feet +and kisses 'em. 'Luck again,' says Dravot, across the Lodge to me, +'they say it's the missing Mark that no one could understand the why +of. We're more than safe now.' Then he bangs the butt of his gun for a +gavel and says:--'By virtue of the authority vested in me by my own +right hand and the help of Peachey, I declare myself Grand-Master of +all Freemasonry in Kafiristan in this the Mother Lodge o' the country, +and King of Kafiristan equally with Peachey!' At that he puts on his +crown and I puts on mine--I was doing Senior Warden--and we opens the +Lodge in most ample form. It was a amazing miracle! The priests moved +in Lodge through the first two degrees almost without telling, as if +the memory was coming back to them. After that, Peachey and Dravot +raised such as was worthy--high priests and Chiefs of far-off villages. +Billy Fish was the first, and I can tell you we scared the soul out of +him. It was not in any way according to Ritual, but it served our turn. +We didn't raise more than ten of the biggest men because we didn't want +to make the Degree common. And they was clamoring to be raised. + +"'In another six months,' says Dravot, 'we'll hold another +Communication and see how you are working.' Then he asks them about +their villages, and learns that they was fighting one against the other +and were fair sick and tired of it. And when they wasn't doing that +they was fighting with the Mohammedans. 'You can fight those when they +come into our country,' says Dravot. 'Tell off every tenth man of your +tribes for a Frontier guard, and send two hundred at a time to this +valley to be drilled. Nobody is going to be shot or speared any more so +long as he does well, and I know that you won't cheat me because you're +white people--sons of Alexander--and not like common, black +Mohammedans. You are my people and by God,' says he, running off into +English at the end--'I'll make a damned fine Nation of you, or I'll die +in the making!' + +"I can't tell all we did for the next six months because Dravot did a +lot I couldn't see the hang of, and he learned their lingo in a way I +never could. My work was to help the people plough, and now and again +to go out with some of the Army and see what the other villages were +doing, and make 'em throw rope-bridges across the ravines which cut up +the country horrid. Dravot was very kind to me, but when he walked up +and down in the pine wood pulling that bloody red beard of his with +both fists I knew he was thinking plans I could not advise him about, +and I just waited for orders. + +"But Dravot never showed me disrespect before the people. They were +afraid of me and the Army, but they loved Dan. He was the best of +friends with the priests and the Chiefs; but any one could come across +the hills with a complaint and Dravot would hear him out fair, and call +four priests together and say what was to be done. He used to call in +Billy Fish from Bashkai, and Pikky Kergan from Shu, and an old Chief we +called Kafuzelum--it was like enough to his real name--and hold +councils with 'em when there was any fighting to be done in small +villages. That was his Council of War, and the four priests of Bashkai, +Shu, Khawak, and Madora was his Privy Council. Between the lot of 'em +they sent me, with forty men and twenty rifles, and sixty men carrying +turquoises, into the Ghorband country to buy those hand-made Martini +rifles, that come out of the Amir's workshops at Kabul, from one of the +Amir's Herati regiments that would have sold the very teeth out of +their mouths for turquoises. + +"I stayed in Ghorband a month, and gave the Governor the pick of my +baskets for hush-money, and bribed the colonel of the regiment some +more, and, between the two and the tribes-people, we got more than a +hundred hand-made Martinis, a hundred good Kohat Jezails that'll throw +to six hundred yards, and forty manloads of very bad ammunition for the +rifles. I came back with what I had, and distributed 'em among the men +that the Chiefs sent in to me to drill. Dravot was too busy to attend +to those things, but the old Army that we first made helped me, and we +turned out five hundred men that could drill, and two hundred that knew +how to hold arms pretty straight. Even those cork-screwed, hand-made +guns was a miracle to them. Dravot talked big about powder-shops and +factories, walking up and down in the pine wood when the winter was +coming on. + +"'I won't make a Nation,' says he. 'I'll make an Empire! These men +aren't niggers; they're English! Look at their eyes--look at their +mouths. Look at the way they stand up. They sit on chairs in their own +houses. They're the Lost Tribes, or something like it, and they've +grown to be English. I'll take a census in the spring if the priests +don't get frightened. There must be a fair two million of 'em in these +hills. The villages are full o' little children. Two million +people--two hundred and fifty thousand fighting men--and all English! +They only want the rifles and a little drilling. Two hundred and fifty +thousand men, ready to cut in on Russia's right flank when she tries +for India! Peachey, man,' he says, chewing his beard in great hunks, +'we shall be Emperors--Emperors of the Earth! Rajah Brooke will be a +suckling to us. I'll treat with the Viceroy on equal terms. I'll ask +him to send me twelve picked English--twelve that I know of--to help us +govern a bit. There's Mackray, Sergeant-pensioner at Segowli--many's +the good dinner he's given me, and his wife a pair of trousers. There's +Donkin, the Warder of Tounghoo Jail; there's hundreds that I could lay +my hand on if I was in India. The Viceroy shall do it for me. I'll send +a man through in the spring for those men, and I'll write for a +dispensation from the Grand Lodge for what I've done as Grand-Master. +That--and all the Sniders that'll be thrown out when the native troops +in India take up the Martini. They'll be worn smooth, but they'll do +for fighting in these hills. Twelve English, a hundred thousand Sniders +run through the Amir's country in driblets--I'd be content with twenty +thousand in one year--and we'd be an Empire. When everything was +ship-shape, I'd hand over the crown--this crown I'm wearing now--to +Queen Victoria on my knees, and she'd say:--"Rise up, Sir Daniel +Dravot." Oh, its big! It's big, I tell you! But there's so much to be +done in every place--Bashkai, Khawak, Shu, and everywhere else.' + +"'What is it?' I says. 'There are no more men coming in to be drilled +this autumn. Look at those fat, black clouds. They're bringing the +snow.' + +"'It isn't that,' says Daniel, putting his hand very hard on my +shoulder; 'and I don't wish to say anything that's against you, for no +other living man would have followed me and made me what I am as you +have done. You're a first-class Commander-in-Chief, and the people know +you; but--it's a big country, and somehow you can't help me, Peachey, +in the way I want to be helped.' + +"'Go to your blasted priests, then!' I said, and I was sorry when I +made that remark, but it did hurt me sore to find Daniel talking so +superior when I'd drilled all the men, and done all he told me. + +"'Don't let's quarrel, Peachey,' says Daniel without cursing. 'You're a +King too, and the half of this Kingdom is yours; but can't you see, +Peachey, we want cleverer men than us now--three or four of 'em that we +can scatter about for our Deputies? It's a hugeous great State, and I +can't always tell the right thing to do, and I haven't time for all I +want to do, and here's the winter coming on and all.' He put half his +beard into his mouth, and it was as red as the gold of his crown. + +"'I'm sorry, Daniel,' says I. 'I've done all I could. I've drilled the +men and shown the people how to stack their oats better, and I've +brought in those tinware rifles from Ghorband--but I know what you're +driving at. I take it Kings always feel oppressed that way.' + +"'There's another thing too,' says Dravot, walking up and down. 'The +winter's coming and these people won't be giving much trouble, and if +they do we can't move about. I want a wife.' + +"'For Gord's sake leave the women alone!' I says. 'We've both got all +the work we can, though I am a fool. Remember the Contrack, and keep +clear o' women.' + +"'The Contrack only lasted till such time as we was Kings; and Kings we +have been these months past,' says Dravot, weighing his crown in his +hand. 'You go get a wife too, Peachey--a nice, strappin', plump girl +that'll keep you warm in the winter. They're prettier than English +girls, and we can take the pick of 'em. Boil 'em once or twice in hot +water, and they'll come as fair as chicken and ham.' + +"'Don't tempt me!' I says. 'I will not have any dealings with a woman +not till we are a dam' side more settled than we are now. I've been +doing the work o' two men, and you've been doing the work o' three. +Let's lie off a bit, and see if we can get some better tobacco from +Afghan country and run in some good liquor; but no women.' + +"'Who's talking o' women?' says Dravot. 'I said wife--a Queen to breed +a King's son for the King. A Queen out of the strongest tribe, that'll +make them your blood-brothers, and that'll lie by your side and tell +you all the people thinks about you and their own affairs. That's what +I want.' + +"'Do you remember that Bengali woman I kept at Mogul Serai when I was +plate-layer?' says I. 'A fat lot o' good she was to me. She taught me +the lingo and one or two other things; but what happened? She ran away +with the Station Master's servant and half my month's pay. Then she +turned up at Dadur Junction in tow of a half-caste, and had the +impidence to say I was her husband--all among the drivers of the +running-shed!' + +"'We've done with that,' says Dravot. 'These women are whiter than you +or me, and a Queen I will have for the winter months.' + +"'For the last time o' asking, Dan, do not,' I says. 'It'll only bring +us harm. The Bible says that Kings ain't to waste their strength on +women, 'specially when they've got a new raw Kingdom to work over.' + +"'For the last time of answering, I will,' said Dravot, and he went +away through the pine-trees looking like a big red devil. The low sun +hit his crown and beard on one side, and the two blazed like hot coals. + +"But getting a wife was not as easy as Dan thought. He put it before +the Council, and there was no answer till Billy Fish said that he'd +better ask the girls. Dravot damned them all round. 'What's wrong with +me?' he shouts, standing by the idol Imbra. 'Am I a dog or am I not +enough of a man for your wenches? Haven't I put the shadow of my hand +over this country? Who stopped the last Afghan raid?' It was me really, +but Dravot was too angry to remember. 'Who bought your guns? Who +repaired the bridges? Who's the Grand-Master of the sign cut in the +stone?' and he thumped his hand on the block that he used to sit on in +Lodge, and at Council, which opened like Lodge always. Billy Fish said +nothing and no more did the others. 'Keep your hair on, Dan,' said I; +'and ask the girls. That's how it's done at home, and these people are +quite English.' + +"'The marriage of a King is a matter of State,' says Dan, in a +white-hot rage, for he could feel, I hope, that he was going against +his better mind. He walked out of the Council-room, and the others sat +still, looking at the ground. + +"'Billy Fish,' says I to the Chief of Bashkai, 'what's the difficulty +here? A straight answer to a true friend.' 'You know,' says Billy Fish. +'How should a man tell you who know everything? How can daughters of +men marry gods or devils? It's not proper.' + +"I remembered something like that in the Bible; but if, after seeing us +as long as they had, they still believed we were gods it wasn't for me +to undeceive them. + +"'A god can do anything,' says I. 'If the King is fond of a girl he'll +not let her die.' 'She'll have to,' said Billy Fish. 'There are all +sorts of gods and devils in these mountains, and now and again a girl +marries one of them and isn't seen any more. Besides, you two know the +Mark cut in the stone. Only the gods know that. We thought you were men +till you showed the sign of the Master.' + +"'I wished then that we had explained about the loss of the genuine +secrets of a Master-Mason at the first go-off; but I said nothing. All +that night there was a blowing of horns in a little dark temple +half-way down the hill, and I heard a girl crying fit to die. One of +the priests told us that she was being prepared to marry the King. + +"'I'll have no nonsense of that kind,' says Dan. 'I don't want to +interfere with your customs, but I'll take my own wife. 'The girl's a +little bit afraid,' says the priest. 'She thinks she's going to die, +and they are a-heartening of her up down in the temple.' + +"'Hearten her very tender, then,' says Dravot, 'or I'll hearten you +with the butt of a gun so that you'll never want to be heartened +again.' He licked his lips, did Dan, and stayed up walking about more +than half the night, thinking of the wife that he was going to get in +the morning. I wasn't any means comfortable, for I knew that dealings +with a woman in foreign parts, though you was a crowned King twenty +times over, could not but be risky. I got up very early in the morning +while Dravot was asleep, and I saw the priests talking together in +whispers, and the Chiefs talking together too, and they looked at me +out of the corners of their eyes. + +"'What is up, Fish?' I says to the Bashkai man, who was wrapped up in +his furs and looking splendid to behold. + +"'I can't rightly say,' says he; 'but if you can induce the King to +drop all this nonsense about marriage, you'll be doing him and me and +yourself a great service.' + +"'That I do believe,' says I. 'But sure, you know, Billy, as well as +me, having fought against and for us, that the King and me are nothing +more than two of the finest men that God Almighty ever made. Nothing +more, I do assure you.' + +"'That may be,' says Billy Fish, 'and yet I should be sorry if it was.' +He sinks his head upon his great fur cloak for a minute and thinks. +'King,' says he, 'be you man or god or devil, I'll stick by you to-day. +I have twenty of my men with me, and they will follow me. We'll go to +Bashkai until the storm blows over.' + +"A little snow had fallen in the night, and everything was white except +the greasy fat clouds that blew down and down from the north. Dravot +came out with his crown on his head, swinging his arms and stamping his +feet, and looking more pleased than Punch. + +"'For the last time, drop it, Dan,' says I in a whisper. 'Billy Fish +here says that there will be a row.' + +"'A row among my people!' says Dravot. 'Not much. Peachy, you're a fool +not to get a wife too. Where's the girl?' says he with a voice as loud +as the braying of a jackass. 'Call up all the Chiefs and priests, and +let the Emperor see if his wife suits him.' + +"There was no need to call any one. They were all there leaning on +their guns and spears round the clearing in the centre of the pine +wood. A deputation of priests went down to the little temple to bring +up the girl, and the horns blew up fit to wake the dead. Billy Fish +saunters round and gets as close to Daniel as he could, and behind him +stood his twenty men with matchlocks. Not a man of them under six feet. +I was next to Dravot, and behind me was twenty men of the regular Army. +Up comes the girl, and a strapping wench she was, covered with silver +and turquoises but white as death, and looking back every minute at the +priests. + +"'She'll do,' said Dan, looking her over. 'What's to be afraid of, +lass? Come and kiss me.' He puts his arm round her. She shuts her eyes, +gives a bit of a squeak, and down goes her face in the side of Dan's +flaming red beard. + +"'The slut's bitten me!' says he, clapping his hand to his neck, and, +sure enough, his hand was red with blood. Billy Fish and two of his +matchlock-men catches hold of Dan by the shoulders and drags him into +the Bashkai lot, while the priests howls in their lingo,--'Neither god +nor devil but a man!' I was all taken aback, for a priest cut at me in +front, and the Army behind began firing into the Bashkai men. + +"'God A-mighty!' says Dan. 'What is the meaning o' this?' + +"'Come back! Come away!' says Billy Fish. 'Ruin and Mutiny is the +matter. We'll break for Bashkai if we can.' + +"I tried to give some sort of orders to my men--the men o' the regular +Army--but it was no use, so I fired into the brown of 'em with an +English Martini and drilled three beggars in a line. The valley was +full of shouting, howling creatures, and every soul was shrieking, 'Not +a god nor a devil but only a man!' The Bashkai troops stuck to Billy +Fish all they were worth, but their matchlocks wasn't half as good as +the Kabul breech-loaders, and four of them dropped. Dan was bellowing +like a bull, for he was very wrathy; and Billy Fish had a hard job to +prevent him running out at the crowd. + +"'We can't stand,' says Billy Fish. 'Make a run for it down the valley! +The whole place is against us.' The matchlock-men ran, and we went down +the valley in spite of Dravot's protestations. He was swearing horribly +and crying out that he was a King. The priests rolled great stones on +us, and the regular Army fired hard, and there wasn't more than six +men, not counting Dan, Billy Fish, and Me, that came down to the bottom +of the valley alive. + +"'Then they stopped firing and the horns in the temple blew again. +'Come away--for Gord's sake come away!' says Billy Fish. 'They'll send +runners out to all the villages before ever we get to Bashkai. I can +protect you there, but I can't do anything now.' + +"My own notion is that Dan began to go mad in his head from that hour. +He stared up and down like a stuck pig. Then he was all for walking +back alone and killing the priests with his bare hands; which he could +have done. 'An Emperor am I,' says Daniel, 'and next year I shall be a +Knight of the Queen. + +"'All right, Dan,' says I; 'but come along now while there's time.' + +"'It's your fault,' says he, 'for not looking after your Army better. +There was mutiny in the midst, and you didn't know--you damned +engine-driving, plate-laying, missionary's-pass-hunting hound!' He sat +upon a rock and called me every foul name he could lay tongue to. I was +too heart-sick to care, though it was all his foolishness that brought +the smash. + +"'I'm sorry, Dan,' says I, 'but there's no accounting for natives. This +business is our Fifty-Seven. Maybe we'll make something out of it yet, +when we've got to Bashkai.' + +"'Let's get to Bashkai, then,' says Dan, 'and, by God, when I come back +here again I'll sweep the valley so there isn't a bug in a blanket +left!' + +"'We walked all that day, and all that night Dan was stumping up and +down on the snow, chewing his beard and muttering to himself. + +"'There's no hope o' getting clear,' said Billy Fish. 'The priests will +have sent runners to the villages to say that you are only men. Why +didn't you stick on as gods till things was more settled? I'm a dead +man,' says Billy Fish, and he throws himself down on the snow and +begins to pray to his gods. + +"Next morning we was in a cruel bad country--all up and down, no level +ground at all, and no food either. The six Bashkai men looked at Billy +Fish hungry-wise as if they wanted to ask something, but they said +never a word. At noon we came to the top of a flat mountain all covered +with snow, and when we climbed up into it, behold, there was an army in +position waiting in the middle! + +"'The runners have been very quick,' says Billy Fish, with a little bit +of a laugh. 'They are waiting for us.' + +"Three or four men began to fire from the enemy's side, and a chance +shot took Daniel in the calf of the leg. That brought him to his +senses. He looks across the snow at the Army, and sees the rifles that +we had brought into the country. + +"'We're done for,' says he. 'They are Englishmen, these people,--and +it's my blasted nonsense that has brought you to this. Get back, Billy +Fish, and take your men away; you've done what you could, and now cut +for it. Carnehan,' says he, 'shake hands with me and go along with +Billy. Maybe they won't kill you. I'll go and meet 'em alone. It's me +that did it. Me, the King!' + +"'Go!' says I. 'Go to Hell, Dan. I'm with you here. Billy Fish, you +clear out, and we two will meet those folk.' + +"'I'm a Chief,' says Billy Fish, quite quiet. 'I stay with you. My men +can go.' + +"The Bashkai fellows didn't wait for a second word but ran off, and Dan +and Me and Billy Fish walked across to where the drums were drumming +and the horns were horning. It was cold-awful cold. I've got that cold +in the back of my head now. There's a lump of it there." + +The punkah-coolies had gone to sleep. Two kerosene lamps were blazing +in the office, and the perspiration poured down my face and splashed on +the blotter as I leaned forward. Carnehan was shivering, and I feared +that his mind might go. I wiped my face, took a fresh grip of the +piteously mangled hands, and said:--"What happened after that?" + +The momentary shift of my eyes had broken the clear current. + +"What was you pleased to say?" whined Carnehan. "They took them without +any sound. Not a little whisper all along the snow, not though the King +knocked down the first man that set hand on him--not though old Peachey +fired his last cartridge into the brown of 'em. Not a single solitary +sound did those swines make. They just closed up, tight, and I tell you +their furs stunk. There was a man called Billy Fish, a good friend of +us all, and they cut his throat, Sir, then and there, like a pig; and +the King kicks up the bloody snow and says:--'We've had a dashed fine +run for our money. What's coming next?' But Peachey, Peachey +Taliaferro, I tell you, Sir, in confidence as betwixt two friends, he +lost his head, Sir. No, he didn't neither. The King lost his head, so +he did, all along o' one of those cunning rope-bridges. Kindly let me +have the paper-cutter, Sir. It tilted this way. They marched him a mile +across that snow to a rope-bridge over a ravine with a river at the +bottom. You may have seen such. They prodded him behind like an ox. +'Damn your eyes!' says the King. 'D'you suppose I can't die like a +gentleman?' He turns to Peachey--Peachey that was crying like a child. +'I've brought you to this, Peachey,' says he. 'Brought you out of your +happy life to be killed in Kafiristan, where you was late +Commander-in-Chief of the Emperor's forces. Say you forgive me, +Peachey.' 'I do,' says Peachey. 'Fully and freely do I forgive you, +Dan.' 'Shake hands, Peachey,' says he. 'I'm going now.' Out he goes, +looking neither right nor left, and when he was plumb in the middle of +those dizzy dancing ropes, 'Cut, you beggars,' he shouts; and they cut, +and old Dan fell, turning round and round and round, twenty thousand +miles, for he took half an hour to fall till he struck the water, and I +could see his body caught on a rock with the gold crown close beside. + +"But do you know what they did to Peachey between two pine-trees? They +crucified him, sir, as Peachey's hands will show. They used wooden pegs +for his hands and his feet; and he didn't die. He hung there and +screamed, and they took him down next day, and said it was a miracle +that he wasn't dead. They took him down--poor old Peachey that hadn't +done them any harm--that hadn't done them any..." + +He rocked to and fro and wept bitterly, wiping his eyes with the back +of his scarred hands and moaning like a child for some ten minutes. + +"They was cruel enough to feed him up in the temple, because they said +he was more of a god than old Daniel that was a man. Then they turned +him out on the snow, and told him to go home, and Peachey came home in +about a year, begging along the roads quite safe; for Daniel Dravot he +walked before and said:--'Come along, Peachey. It's a big thing we're +doing.' The mountains they danced at night, and the mountains they +tried to fall on Peachey's head, but Dan he held up his hand, and +Peachey came along bent double. He never let go of Dan's hand, and he +never let go of Dan's head. They gave it to him as a present in the +temple, to remind him not to come again, and though the crown was pure +gold, and Peachey was starving, never would Peachey sell the same. You +knew Dravot, sir! You knew Right Worshipful Brother Dravot! Look at him +now!" + +He fumbled in the mass of rags round his bent waist; brought out a +black horsehair bag embroidered with silver thread; and shook therefrom +on to my table--the dried, withered head of Daniel Dravot! The morning +sun that had long been paling the lamps struck the red beard and blind +sunken eyes; struck, too, a heavy circlet of gold studded with raw +turquoises, that Carnehan placed tenderly on the battered temples. + +"You behold now," said Carnehan, "the Emperor in his habit as he +lived--the King of Kafiristan with his crown upon his head. Poor old +Daniel that was a monarch once!" + +I shuddered, for, in spite of defacements manifold, I recognized the +head of the man of Marwar Junction. Carnehan rose to go. I attempted to +stop him. He was not fit to walk abroad. "Let me take away the whiskey, +and give me a little money," he gasped. "I was a King once. I'll go to +the Deputy Commissioner and ask to set in the Poor-house till I get my +health. No, thank you, I can't wait till you get a carriage for me. +I've urgent private affairs--in the south--at Marwar." + +He shambled out of the office and departed in the direction of the +Deputy Commissioner's house. That day at noon I had occasion to go down +the blinding hot Mall, and I saw a crooked man crawling along the white +dust of the roadside, his hat in his hand, quavering dolorously after +the fashion of street-singers at Home. There was not a soul in sight, +and he was out of all possible earshot of the houses. And he sang +through his nose, turning his head from right to left:-- + + "The Son of Man goes forth to war, + A golden crown to gain; + His blood-red banner streams afar-- + Who follows in his train?" + +I waited to hear no more, but put the poor wretch into my carriage and +drove him off to the nearest missionary for eventual transfer to the +Asylum. He repeated the hymn twice while he was with me whom he did not +in the least recognize, and I left him singing to the missionary. + +Two days later I inquired after his welfare of the Superintendent of +the Asylum. + +"He was admitted suffering from sun-stroke. He died early yesterday +morning," said the Superintendent. "Is it true that he was half an hour +bareheaded in the sun at midday?" + +"Yes," said I, "but do you happen to know if he had anything upon him +by any chance when he died?" + +"Not to my knowledge," said the Superintendent. + +And there the matter rests. + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Man Who Would Be King, by Rudyard Kipling + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING *** + +***** This file should be named 8147.txt or 8147.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/8/1/4/8147/ + +Produced by Jeffrey Kraus-yao +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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