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diff --git a/old/passp10.txt b/old/passp10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..69d427a --- /dev/null +++ b/old/passp10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3374 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Passionate Pilgrim, by Henry James +#51 in our series by Henry James + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: A Passionate Pilgrim + +Author: Henry James + +Release Date: May, 2005 [EBook #8080] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on June 12, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PASSIONATE PILGRIM *** + + + + +Produced by Eve Sobol + + + + +A PASSIONATE PILGRIM + + +HENRY JAMES + + + +I + +Intending to sail for America in the early part of June, I +determined to spend the interval of six weeks in England, to +which country my mind's eye only had as yet been introduced. I +had formed in Italy and France a resolute preference for old +inns, considering that what they sometimes cost the ungratified +body they repay the delighted mind. On my arrival in London, +therefore, I lodged at a certain antique hostelry, much to the +east of Temple Bar, deep in the quarter that I had inevitably +figured as the Johnsonian. Here, on the first evening of my stay, +I descended to the little coffee-room and bespoke my dinner of +the genius of "attendance" in the person of the solitary waiter. +No sooner had I crossed the threshold of this retreat than I felt +I had cut a golden-ripe crop of English "impressions." The +coffee-room of the Red Lion, like so many other places and things +I was destined to see in the motherland, seemed to have been +waiting for long years, with just that sturdy sufferance of time +written on its visage, for me to come and extract the romantic +essence of it. + +The latent preparedness of the American mind even for the most +characteristic features of English life was a matter I meanwhile +failed to get to the bottom of. The roots of it are indeed so +deeply buried in the soil of our early culture that, without some +great upheaval of feeling, we are at a loss to say exactly when +and where and how it begins. It makes an American's enjoyment of +England an emotion more searching than anything Continental. I +had seen the coffee-room of the Red Lion years ago, at home--at +Saragossa Illinois--in books, in visions, in dreams, in Dickens, +in Smollett, in Boswell. It was small and subdivided into six +narrow compartments by a series of perpendicular screens of +mahogany, something higher than a man's stature, furnished on +either side with a meagre uncushioned ledge, denominated in +ancient Britain a seat. In each of these rigid receptacles was a +narrow table--a table expected under stress to accommodate no +less than four pairs of active British elbows. High pressure +indeed had passed away from the Red Lion for ever. It now knew +only that of memories and ghosts and atmosphere. Round the room +there marched, breast-high, a magnificent panelling of mahogany, +so dark with time and so polished with unremitted friction that +by gazing a while into its lucid blackness I made out the dim +reflexion of a party of wigged gentlemen in knee-breeches just +arrived from York by the coach. On the dark yellow walls, coated +by the fumes of English coal, of English mutton, of Scotch +whiskey, were a dozen melancholy prints, sallow-toned with age-- +the Derby favourite of the year 1807, the Bank of England, her +Majesty the Queen. On the floor was a Turkey carpet--as old as +the mahogany almost, as the Bank of England, as the Queen--into +which the waiter had in his lonely revolutions trodden so many +massive soot-flakes and drops of overflowing beer that the +glowing looms of Smyrna would certainly not have recognised it. +To say that I ordered my dinner of this archaic type would be +altogether to misrepresent the process owing to which, having +dreamed of lamb and spinach and a salade de saison, I sat down in +penitence to a mutton-chop and a rice pudding. Bracing my feet +against the cross-beam of my little oaken table, I opposed to the +mahogany partition behind me the vigorous dorsal resistance that +must have expressed the old-English idea of repose. The sturdy +screen refused even to creak, but my poor Yankee joints made up +the deficiency. + +While I was waiting there for my chop there came into the room a +person whom, after I had looked at him a moment, I supposed to be +a fellow lodger and probably the only one. He seemed, like +myself, to have submitted to proposals for dinner; the table on +the other side of my partition had been prepared to receive him. +He walked up to the fire, exposed his back to it and, after +consulting his watch, looked directly out of the window and +indirectly at me. He was a man of something less than middle age +and more than middle stature, though indeed you would have called +him neither young nor tall. He was chiefly remarkable for his +emphasised leanness. His hair, very thin on the summit of his +head, was dark short and fine. His eye was of a pale turbid grey, +unsuited, perhaps, to his dark hair and well-drawn brows, but not +altogether out of harmony with his colourless bilious complexion. +His nose was aquiline and delicate; beneath it his moustache +languished much rather than bristled. His mouth and chin were +negative, or at the most provisional; not vulgar, doubtless, but +ineffectually refined. A cold fatal gentlemanly weakness was +expressed indeed in his attenuated person. His eye was restless +and deprecating; his whole physiognomy, his manner of shifting +his weight from foot to foot, the spiritless droop of his head, +told of exhausted intentions, of a will relaxed. His dress was +neat and "toned down"--he might have been in mourning. I made up +my mind on three points: he was a bachelor, he was out of health, +he was not indigenous to the soil. The waiter approached him, and +they conversed in accents barely audible. I heard the words +"claret," "sherry" with a tentative inflexion, and finally "beer" +with its last letter changed to "ah." Perhaps he was a Russian in +reduced circumstances; he reminded me slightly of certain +sceptical cosmopolite Russians whom I had met on the Continent. +While in my extravagant way I followed this train--for you see I +was interested--there appeared a short brisk man with reddish- +brown hair, with a vulgar nose, a sharp blue eye and a red beard +confined to his lower jaw and chin. My putative Russian, still in +possession of the rug, let his mild gaze stray over the dingy +ornaments of the room. The other drew near, and his umbrella +dealt a playful poke at the concave melancholy waistcoat. "A +penny ha'penny for your thoughts!" + +My friend, as I call him, uttered an exclamation, stared, then +laid his two hands on the other's shoulders. The latter looked +round at me keenly, compassing me in a momentary glance. I read +in its own vague light that this was a transatlantic eyebeam; and +with such confidence that I hardly needed to see its owner, as he +prepared, with his companion, to seat himself at the table +adjoining my own, take from his overcoat-pocket three New York +newspapers and lay them beside his plate. As my neighbours +proceeded to dine I felt the crumbs of their conversation +scattered pretty freely abroad. I could hear almost all they +said, without straining to catch it, over the top of the +partition that divided us. Occasionally their voices dropped to +recovery of discretion, but the mystery pieced itself together as +if on purpose to entertain me. Their speech was pitched in the +key that may in English air be called alien in spite of a few +coincidences. The voices were American, however, with a +difference; and I had no hesitation in assigning the softer and +clearer sound to the pale thin gentleman, whom I decidedly +preferred to his comrade. The latter began to question him about +his voyage. + +"Horrible, horrible! I was deadly sick from the hour we left New +York." + +"Well, you do look considerably reduced," said the second-comer. + +"Reduced! I've been on the verge of the grave. I haven't slept +six hours for three weeks." This was said with great gravity. + +"Well, I've made the voyage for the last time." + +"The plague you have! You mean to locate here permanently?" + +"Oh it won't be so very permanent!" + +There was a pause; after which: "You're the same merry old boy, +Searle. Going to give up the ghost to-morrow, eh?" + +"I almost wish I were." + +"You're not so sweet on England then? I've heard people say at +home that you dress and talk and act like an Englishman. But I +know these people here and I know you. You're not one of this +crowd, Clement Searle, not you. You'll go under here, sir; you'll +go under as sure as my name's Simmons." + +Following this I heard a sudden clatter as of the drop of a knife +and fork. "Well, you're a delicate sort of creature, if it IS +your ugly name! I've been wandering about all day in this +accursed city, ready to cry with homesickness and heartsickness +and every possible sort of sickness, and thinking, in the absence +of anything better, of meeting you here this evening and of your +uttering some sound of cheer and comfort and giving me some +glimmer of hope. Go under? Ain't I under now? I can't do more +than get under the ground!" + +Mr. Simmons's superior brightness appeared to flicker a moment in +this gust of despair, but the next it was burning steady again. +"DON'T 'cry,' Searle," I heard him say. "Remember the waiter. +I've grown Englishman enough for that. For heaven's sake don't +let's have any nerves. Nerves won't do anything for you here. +It's best to come to the point. Tell me in three words what you +expect of me." + +I heard another movement, as if poor Searle had collapsed in his +chair. "Upon my word, sir, you're quite inconceivable. You never +got my letter?" + +"Yes, I got your letter. I was never sorrier to get anything in +my life." + +At this declaration Mr. Searle rattled out an oath, which it was +well perhaps that I but partially heard. "Abijah Simmons," he +then cried, "what demon of perversity possesses you? Are you +going to betray me here in a foreign land, to turn out a false +friend, a heartless rogue?" + +"Go on, sir," said sturdy Simmons. "Pour it all out. I'll wait +till you've done. Your beer's lovely," he observed independently +to the waiter. "I'll have some more." + +"For God's sake explain yourself!" his companion appealed. + +There was a pause, at the end of which I heard Mr. Simmons set +down his empty tankard with emphasis. "You poor morbid mooning +man," he resumed, "I don't want to say anything to make you feel +sore. I regularly pity you. But you must allow that you've acted +more like a confirmed crank than a member of our best society-- +in which every one's so sensible." + +Mr. Searle seemed to have made an effort to compose himself. "Be +so good as to tell me then what was the meaning of your letter." + +"Well, you had got on MY nerves, if you want to know, when I +wrote it. It came of my always wishing so to please folks. I had +much better have let you alone. To tell you the plain truth I +never was so horrified in my life as when I found that on the +strength of my few kind words you had come out here to seek your +fortune." + +"What then did you expect me to do?" + +"I expected you to wait patiently till I had made further +enquiries and had written you again." + +"And you've made further enquiries now?" + +"Enquiries! I've committed assaults." + +"And you find I've no claim?" + +"No claim that one of THESE big bugs will look at. It struck me +at first that you had rather a neat little case. I confess the +look of it took hold of me--" + +"Thanks to your liking so to please folks!" Mr. Simmons appeared +for a moment at odds with something; it proved to be with his +liquor. "I rather think your beer's too good to be true," he said +to the waiter. "I guess I'll take water. Come, old man," he +resumed, "don't challenge me to the arts of debate, or you'll +have me right down on you, and then you WILL feel me. My native +sweetness, as I say, was part of it. The idea that if I put the +thing through it would be a very pretty feather in my cap and a +very pretty penny in my purse was part of it. And the +satisfaction of seeing a horrid low American walk right into an +old English estate was a good deal of it. Upon my word, Searle, +when I think of it I wish with all my heart that, extravagant +vain man as you are, I COULD, for the charm of it, put you +through! I should hardly care what you did with the blamed place +when you got it. I could leave you alone to turn it into Yankee +notions--into ducks and drakes as they call 'em here. I should +like to see you tearing round over it and kicking up its sacred +dust in their very faces!" + +"You don't know me one little bit," said Mr. Searle, rather +shirking, I thought, the burden of this tribute and for all +response to the ambiguity of the compliment. + +"I should be very glad to think I didn't, sir. I've been to no +small amount of personal inconvenience for you. I've pushed my +way right up to the headspring. I've got the best opinion that's +to be had. The best opinion that's to be had just gives you one +leer over its spectacles. I guess that look will fix you if you +ever get it straight. I've been able to tap, indirectly," Mr. +Simmons went on, "the solicitor of your usurping cousin, and he +evidently knows something to be in the wind. It seems your elder +brother twenty years ago put out a feeler. So you're not to have +the glory of even making them sit up." + +"I never made any one sit up," I heard Mr. Searle plead. "I +shouldn't begin at this time of day. I should approach the +subject like a gentleman." + +"Well, if you want very much to do something like a gentleman +you've got a capital chance. Take your disappointment like a +gentleman." + +I had finished my dinner and had become keenly interested in poor +Mr. Searle's unencouraging--or unencouraged--claim; so interested +that I at last hated to hear his trouble reflected in his voice +without being able--all respectfully!--to follow it in his face. +I left my place, went over to the fire, took up the evening paper +and established a post of observation behind it. + +His cold counsellor was in the act of choosing a soft chop from +the dish--an act accompanied by a great deal of prying and poking +with that gentleman's own fork. My disillusioned compatriot had +pushed away his plate; he sat with his elbows on the table, +gloomily nursing his head with his hands. His companion watched +him and then seemed to wonder--to do Mr. Simmons justice--how he +could least ungracefully give him up. "I say, Searle,"--and for +my benefit, I think, taking me for a native ingenuous enough to +be dazzled by his wit, he lifted his voice a little and gave it +an ironical ring--"in this country it's the inestimable privilege +of a loyal citizen, under whatsoever stress of pleasure or of +pain, to make a point of eating his dinner." + +Mr. Searle gave his plate another push. "Anything may happen now. +I don't care a straw." + +"You ought to care. Have another chop and you WILL care. Have +some better tipple. Take my advice!" Mr. Simmons went on. + +My friend--I adopt that name for him--gazed from between his two +hands coldly before him. "I've had enough of your advice." + +"A little more," said Simmons mildly; "I shan't trouble you +again. What do you mean to do?" + +"Nothing." + +"Oh come!" + +"Nothing, nothing, nothing!" + +"Nothing but starve. How about meeting expenses?" + +"Why do you ask?" said my friend. "You don't care." + +"My dear fellow, if you want to make me offer you twenty pounds +you set most clumsily about it. You said just now I don't know +you," Mr. Simmons went on. "Possibly. Come back with me then," he +said kindly enough, "and let's improve our acquaintance." + +"I won't go back. I shall never go back." + +"Never?" + +"Never." + +Mr. Simmons thought it shrewdly over. "Well, you ARE sick!" he +exclaimed presently. "All I can say is that if you're working out +a plan for cold poison, or for any other act of desperation, you +had better give it right up. You can't get a dose of the +commonest kind of cold poison for nothing, you know. Look here, +Searle"--and the worthy man made what struck me as a very decent +appeal. "If you'll consent to return home with me by the steamer +of the twenty-third I'll pay your passage down. More than that, +I'll pay for your beer." + +My poor gentleman met it. "I believe I never made up my mind to +anything before, but I think it's made up now. I shall stay here +till I take my departure for a newer world than any patched-up +newness of ours. It's an odd feeling--I rather like it! What +should I do at home?" + +"You said just now you were homesick." + +"I meant I was sick for a home. Don't I belong here? Haven't I +longed to get here all my life? Haven't I counted the months and +the years till I should be able to 'go' as we say? And now that +I've 'gone,' that is that I've come, must I just back out? No, +no, I'll move on. I'm much obliged to you for your offer. I've +enough money for the present. I've about my person some forty +pounds' worth of British gold, and the same amount, say, of the +toughness of the heaven-sent idiot. They'll see me through +together! After they're gone I shall lay my head in some English +churchyard, beside some ivied tower, beneath an old gnarled black +yew." + +I had so far distinctly followed the dialogue; but at this point +the landlord entered and, begging my pardon, would suggest that +number 12, a most superior apartment, having now been vacated, it +would give him pleasure if I would look in. I declined to look +in, but agreed for number 12 at a venture and gave myself again, +with dissimulation, to my friends. They had got up; Simmons had +put on his overcoat; he stood polishing his rusty black hat with +his napkin. "Do you mean to go down to the place?" he asked. + +"Possibly. I've thought of it so often that I should like to see +it." + +"Shall you call on Mr. Searle?" + +"Heaven forbid!" + +"Something has just occurred to me," Simmons pursued with a grin +that made his upper lip look more than ever denuded by the razor +and jerked the ugly ornament of his chin into the air. "There's a +certain Miss Searle, the old man's sister." + +"Well?" my gentleman quavered. + +"Well, sir!--you talk of moving on. You might move on the +damsel." + +Mr. Searle frowned in silence and his companion gave him a tap on +the stomach. "Line those ribs a bit first!" He blushed crimson; +his eyes filled with tears. "You ARE a coarse brute," he said. +The scene quite harrowed me, but I was prevented from seeing it +through by the reappearance of the landlord on behalf of number +12. He represented to me that I ought in justice to him to come +and see how tidy they HAD made it. Half an hour afterwards I was +rattling along in a hansom toward Covent Garden, where I heard +Madame Bosio in The Barber of Seville. On my return from the +opera I went into the coffee-room; it had occurred to me I might +catch there another glimpse of Mr. Searle. I was not +disappointed. I found him seated before the fire with his head +sunk on his breast: he slept, dreaming perhaps of Abijah Simmons. +I watched him for some moments. His closed eyes, in the dim +lamplight, looked even more helpless and resigned, and I seemed +to see the fine grain of his nature in his unconscious mask. They +say fortune comes while we sleep, and, standing there, I felt +really tender enough--though otherwise most unqualified--to be +poor Mr. Searle's fortune. As I walked away I noted in one of the +little prandial pews I have described the melancholy waiter, +whose whiskered chin also reposed on the bulge of his shirt- +front. I lingered a moment beside the old inn-yard in which, upon +a time, the coaches and post-chaises found space to turn and +disgorge. Above the dusky shaft of the enclosing galleries, where +lounging lodgers and crumpled chambermaids and all the +picturesque domesticity of a rattling tavern must have leaned on +their elbows for many a year, I made out the far-off lurid +twinkle of the London constellations. At the foot of the stairs, +enshrined in the glittering niche of her well-appointed bar, the +landlady sat napping like some solemn idol amid votive brass and +plate. + +The next morning, not finding the subject of my benevolent +curiosity in the coffee-room, I learned from the waiter that he +had ordered breakfast in bed. Into this asylum I was not yet +prepared to pursue him. I spent the morning in the streets, +partly under pressure of business, but catching all kinds of +romantic impressions by the way. To the searching American eye +there is no tint of association with which the great grimy face +of London doesn't flush. As the afternoon approached, however, I +began to yearn for some site more gracefully classic than what +surrounded me, and, thinking over the excursions recommended to +the ingenuous stranger, decided to take the train to Hampton +Court. The day was the more propitious that it yielded just that +dim subaqueous light which sleeps so fondly upon the English +landscape. + +At the end of an hour I found myself wandering through the +apartments of the great palace. They follow each other in +infinite succession, with no great variety of interest or aspect, +but with persistent pomp and a fine specific effect. They are +exactly of their various times. You pass from painted and +panelled bedchambers and closets, anterooms, drawing-rooms, +council-rooms, through king's suite, queen's suite, prince's +suite, until you feel yourself move through the appointed hours +and stages of some rigid monarchical day. On one side are the old +monumental upholsteries, the big cold tarnished beds and +canopies, with the circumference of disapparelled royalty +symbolised by a gilded balustrade, and the great carved and +yawning chimney-places where dukes-in-waiting may have warmed +their weary heels; on the other, in deep recesses, rise the +immense windows, the framed and draped embrasures where the +sovereign whispered and favourites smiled, looking out on +terraced gardens and misty park. The brown walls are dimly +illumined by innumerable portraits of courtiers and captains, +more especially with various members of the Batavian entourage of +William of Orange, the restorer of the palace; with good store +too of the lily-bosomed models of Lely and Kneller. The whole +tone of this processional interior is singularly stale and sad. +The tints of all things have both faded and darkened--you taste +the chill of the place as you walk from room to room. It was +still early in the day and in the season, and I flattered myself +that I was the only visitor. This complacency, however, dropped +at sight of a person standing motionless before a simpering +countess of Sir Peter Lely's creation. On hearing my footstep +this victim of an evaporated spell turned his head and I +recognised my fellow lodger of the Red Lion. I was apparently +recognised as well; he looked as if he could scarce wait for me +to be kind to him, and in fact didn't wait. Seeing I had a +catalogue he asked the name of the portrait. On my satisfying him +he appealed, rather timidly, as to my opinion of the lady. + +"Well," said I, not quite timidly enough perhaps, "I confess she +strikes me as no great matter." + +He remained silent and was evidently a little abashed. As we +strolled away he stole a sidelong glance of farewell at his +leering shepherdess. To speak with him face to face was to feel +keenly that he was no less interesting than infirm. We talked of +our inn, of London, of the palace; he uttered his mind freely, +but seemed to struggle with a weight of depression. It was an +honest mind enough, with no great cultivation but with a certain +natural love of excellent things. I foresaw that I should find +him quite to the manner born--to ours; full of glimpses and +responses, of deserts and desolations. His perceptions would be +fine and his opinions pathetic; I should moreover take refuge +from his sense of proportion in his sense of humour, and then +refuge from THAT, ah me!--in what? On my telling him that I was a +fellow citizen he stopped short, deeply touched, and, silently +passing his arm into my own, suffered me to lead him through the +other apartments and down into the gardens. A large gravelled +platform stretches itself before the basement of the palace, +taking the afternoon sun. Parts of the great structure are +reserved for private use and habitation, occupied by state- +pensioners, reduced gentlewomen in receipt of the Queen's bounty +and other deserving persons. Many of the apartments have their +dependent gardens, and here and there, between the verdure-coated +walls, you catch a glimpse of these somewhat stuffy bowers. My +companion and I measured more than once this long expanse, +looking down on the floral figures of the rest of the affair and +on the stoutly-woven tapestry of creeping plants that muffle the +foundations of the huge red pile. I thought of the various images +of old-world gentility which, early and late, must have strolled +in front of it and felt the protection and security of the place. +We peeped through an antique grating into one of the mossy cages +and saw an old lady with a black mantilla on her head, a decanter +of water in one hand and a crutch in the other, come forth, +followed by three little dogs and a cat, to sprinkle a plant. She +would probably have had an opinion on the virtue of Queen +Caroline. Feeling these things together made us quickly, made us +extraordinarily, intimate. My companion seemed to ache with his +impression; he scowled, all gently, as if it gave him pain. I +proposed at last that we should dine somewhere on the spot and +take a late train to town. We made our way out of the gardens +into the adjoining village, where we entered an inn which I +pronounced, very sincerely, exactly what we wanted. Mr. Searle +had approached our board as shyly as if it had been a cold bath; +but, gradually warming to his work, he declared at the end of +half an hour that for the first time in a month he enjoyed his +victuals. + +"I'm afraid you're rather out of health," I risked. + +"Yes, sir--I'm an incurable." + +The little village of Hampton Court stands clustered about the +entrance of Bushey Park, and after we had dined we lounged along +into the celebrated avenue of horse-chestnuts. There is a rare +emotion, familiar to every intelligent traveller, in which the +mind seems to swallow the sum total of its impressions at a gulp. +You take in the whole place, whatever it be. You feel England, +you feel Italy, and the sensation involves for the moment a kind +of thrill. I had known it from time to time in Italy and had +opened my soul to it as to the spirit of the Lord. Since my +landing in England I had been waiting for it to arrive. A bottle +of tolerable Burgundy, at dinner, had perhaps unlocked to it the +gates of sense; it arrived now with irresistible force. Just the +scene around me was the England of one's early reveries. Over +against us, amid the ripeness of its gardens, the dark red +residence, with its formal facings and its vacant windows, seemed +to make the past definite and massive; the little village, +nestling between park and palace, around a patch of turfy common, +with its taverns of figurative names, its ivy-towered church, its +mossy roofs, looked like the property of a feudal lord. It was in +this dark composite light that I had read the British classics; +it was this mild moist air that had blown from the pages of the +poets; while I seemed to feel the buried generations in the dense +and elastic sod. And that I must have testified in some form or +other to what I have called my thrill I gather, remembering it, +from a remark of my companion's. + +"You've the advantage over me in coming to all this with an +educated eye. You already know what old things can be. I've never +known it but by report. I've always fancied I should like it. In +a small way at home, of course, I did try to stand by my idea of +it. I must be a conservative by nature. People at home used to +call me a cockney and a fribble. But it wasn't true," he went on; +"if it had been I should have made my way over here long ago: +before--before--" He paused, and his head dropped sadly on his +breast. + +The bottle of Burgundy had loosened his tongue; I had but to +choose my time for learning his story. Something told me that I +had gained his confidence and that, so far as attention and +attitude might go, I was "in" for responsibilities. But somehow I +didn't dread them. "Before you lost your health," I suggested. + +"Before I lost my health," he answered. "And my property--the +little I had. And my ambition. And any power to take myself +seriously." + +"Come!" I cried. "You shall recover everything. This tonic +English climate will wind you up in a month. And THEN see how +you'll take yourself--and how I shall take you!" + +"Oh," he gratefully smiled, "I may turn to dust in your hands! I +should like," he presently pursued, "to be an old genteel +pensioner, lodged over there in the palace and spending my days +in maundering about these vistas. I should go every morning, at +the hour when it gets the sun, into that long gallery where all +those pretty women of Lely's are hung--I know you despise them!-- +and stroll up and down and say something kind to them. Poor +precious forsaken creatures! So flattered and courted in their +day, so neglected now! Offering up their shoulders and ringlets +and smiles to that musty deadly silence!" + +I laid my hand on my friend's shoulder. "Oh sir, you're all +right!" + +Just at this moment there came cantering down the shallow glade +of the avenue a young girl on a fine black horse--one of those +little budding gentlewomen, perfectly mounted and equipped, who +form to alien eyes one of the prettiest incidents of English +scenery. She had distanced her servant and, as she came abreast +of us, turned slightly in her saddle and glanced back at him. In +the movement she dropped the hunting-crop with which she was +armed; whereupon she reined up and looked shyly at us and at the +implement. "This is something better than a Lely," I said. Searle +hastened forward, picked up the crop and, with a particular +courtesy that became him, handed it back to the rider. Fluttered +and blushing she reached forward, took it with a quick sweet +sound, and the next moment was bounding over the quiet turf. +Searle stood watching her; the servant, as he passed us, touched +his hat. When my friend turned toward me again I saw that he too +was blushing. "Oh sir, you're all right," I repeated. + +At a short distance from where we had stopped was an old stone +bench. We went and sat down on it and, as the sun began to sink, +watched the light mist powder itself with gold. "We ought to be +thinking of the train back to London, I suppose," I at last said. + +"Oh hang the train!" sighed my companion. + +"Willingly. There could be no better spot than this to feel the +English evening stand still." So we lingered, and the twilight +hung about us, strangely clear in spite of the thickness of the +air. As we sat there came into view an apparition unmistakeable +from afar as an immemorial vagrant--the disowned, in his own rich +way, of all the English ages. As he approached us he slackened +pace and finally halted, touching his cap. He was a man of middle +age, clad in a greasy bonnet with false-looking ear-locks +depending from its sides. Round his neck was a grimy red scarf, +tucked into his waistcoat; his coat and trousers had a remote +affinity with those of a reduced hostler. In one hand he had a +stick; on his arm he bore a tattered basket, with a handful of +withered vegetables at the bottom. His face was pale haggard and +degraded beyond description--as base as a counterfeit coin, yet +as modelled somehow as a tragic mask. He too, like everything +else, had a history. From what height had he fallen, from what +depth had he risen? He was the perfect symbol of generated +constituted baseness; and I felt before him in presence of a +great artist or actor. + +"For God's sake, gentlemen," he said in the raucous tone of +weather-beaten poverty, the tone of chronic sore-throat +exacerbated by perpetual gin, "for God's sake, gentlemen, have +pity on a poor fern-collector!"--turning up his stale daisies. +"Food hasn't passed my lips, gentlemen, for the last three days." +We gaped at him and at each other, and to our imagination his +appeal had almost the force of a command. "I wonder if half-a- +crown would help?" I privately wailed. And our fasting botanist +went limping away through the park with the grace of controlled +stupefaction still further enriching his outline. + +"I feel as if I had seen my Doppelganger" said Searle. "He +reminds me of myself. What am I but a mere figure in the +landscape, a wandering minstrel or picker of daisies?" + +"What are you 'anyway,' my friend?" I thereupon took occasion to +ask. "Who are you? kindly tell me." + +The colour rose again to his pale face and I feared I had +offended him. He poked a moment at the sod with the point of his +umbrella before answering. "Who am I?" he said at last. "My name +is Clement Searle. I was born in New York, and that's the +beginning and the end of me." + +"Ah not the end!" I made bold to plead. + +"Then it's because I HAVE no end--any more than an ill-written +book. I just stop anywhere; which means I'm a failure," the poor +man all lucidly and unreservedly pursued: "a failure, as hopeless +and helpless, sir, as any that ever swallowed up the slender +investments of the widow and the orphan. I don't pay five cents +on the dollar. What I might have been--once!--there's nothing +left to show. I was rotten before I was ripe. To begin with, +certainly, I wasn't a fountain of wisdom. All the more reason for +a definite channel--for having a little character and purpose. +But I hadn't even a little. I had nothing but nice tastes, as +they call them, and fine sympathies and sentiments. Take a turn +through New York to-day and you'll find the tattered remnants of +these things dangling on every bush and fluttering in every +breeze; the men to whom I lent money, the women to whom I made +love, the friends I trusted, the follies I invented, the +poisonous fumes of pleasure amid which nothing was worth a +thought but the manhood they stifled! It was my fault that I +believed in pleasure here below. I believe in it still, but as I +believe in the immortality of the soul. The soul is immortal, +certainly--if you've got one; but most people haven't. Pleasure +would be right if it were pleasure straight through; but it never +is. My taste was to be the best in the world; well, perhaps it +was. I had a little money; it went the way of my little wit. Here +in my pocket I have the scant dregs of it. I should tell you I +was the biggest kind of ass. Just now that description would +flatter me; it would assume there's something left of me. But the +ghost of a donkey--what's that? I think," he went on with a +charming turn and as if striking off his real explanation, "I +should have been all right in a world arranged on different +lines. Before heaven, sir--whoever you are--I'm in practice so +absurdly tender-hearted that I can afford to say it: I entered +upon life a perfect gentleman. I had the love of old forms and +pleasant rites, and I found them nowhere--found a world all hard +lines and harsh lights, without shade, without composition, as +they say of pictures, without the lovely mystery of colour. To +furnish colour I melted down the very substance of my own soul. I +went about with my brush, touching up and toning down; a very +pretty chiaroscuro you'll find in my track! Sitting here in this +old park, in this old country, I feel that I hover on the misty +verge of what might have been! I should have been born here and +not there; here my makeshift distinctions would have found things +they'd have been true of. How it was I never got free is more +than I can say. It might have cut the knot, but the knot was too +tight. I was always out of health or in debt or somehow +desperately dangling. Besides, I had a horror of the great black +sickening sea. A year ago I was reminded of the existence of an +old claim to an English estate, which has danced before the eyes +of my family, at odd moments, any time these eighty years. I +confess it's a bit of a muddle and a tangle, and am by no means +sure that to this hour I've got the hang of it. You look as if +you had a clear head: some other time, if you consent, we'll have +a go at it, such as it is, together. Poverty was staring me in +the face; I sat down and tried to commit the 'points' of our case +to memory, as I used to get nine-times-nine by heart as a boy. I +dreamed of it for six months, half-expecting to wake up some fine +morning and hear through a latticed casement the cawing of an +English rookery. A couple of months ago there came out to England +on business of his own a man who once got me out of a dreadful +mess (not that I had hurt anyone but myself), a legal +practitioner in our courts, a very rough diamond, but with a +great deal of FLAIR, as they say in New York. It was with him +yesterday you saw me dining. He undertook, as he called it, to +'nose round' and see if anything could be made of our +questionable but possible show. The matter had never seriously +been taken up. A month later I got a letter from Simmons assuring +me that it seemed a very good show indeed and that he should be +greatly surprised if I were unable to do something. This was the +greatest push I had ever got in my life; I took a deliberate +step, for the first time; I sailed for England. I've been here +three days: they've seemed three months. After keeping me waiting +for thirty-six hours my legal adviser makes his appearance last +night and states to me, with his mouth full of mutton, that I +haven't a leg to stand on, that my claim is moonshine, and that I +must do penance and take a ticket for six more days of purgatory +with his presence thrown in. My friend, my friend--shall I say I +was disappointed? I'm already resigned. I didn't really believe I +had any case. I felt in my deeper consciousness that it was the +crowning illusion of a life of illusions. Well, it was a pretty +one. Poor legal adviser!--I forgive him with all my heart. But +for him I shouldn't be sitting in this place, in this air, under +these impressions. This is a world I could have got on with +beautifully. There's an immense charm in its having been kept for +the last. After it nothing else would have been tolerable. I +shall now have a month of it, I hope, which won't be long enough +for it to "go back on me. There's one thing!"--and here, +pausing, he laid his hand on mine; I rose and stood before him-- +"I wish it were possible you should be with me to the end." + +"I promise you to leave you only when you kick me downstairs." +But I suggested my terms. "It must be on condition of your +omitting from your conversation this intolerable flavour of +mortality. I know nothing of 'ends.' I'm all for beginnings." + +He kept on me his sad weak eyes. Then with a faint smile: "Don't +cut down a man you find hanging. He has had a reason for it. I'm +bankrupt." + +"Oh health's money!" I said. "Get well, and the rest will take +care of itself. I'm interested in your questionable claim--it's +the question that's the charm; and pretenders, to anything big +enough, have always been, for me, an attractive class. Only their +first duty's to be gallant." + +"Their first duty's to understand their own points and to know +their own mind," he returned with hopeless lucidity. "Don't ask +me to climb our family tree now," he added; "I fear I haven't the +head for it. I'll try some day--if it will bear my weight; or +yours added to mine. There's no doubt, however, that we, as they +say, go back. But I know nothing of business. If I were to take +the matter in hand I should break in two the poor little silken +thread from which everything hangs. In a better world than this I +think I should be listened to. But the wind doesn't set to ideal +justice. There's no doubt that a hundred years ago we suffered a +palpable wrong. Yet we made no appeal at the time, and the dust +of a century now lies heaped upon our silence. Let it rest!" + +"What then," I asked, "is the estimated value of your interest?" + +"We were instructed from the first to accept a compromise. +Compared with the whole property our ideas have been small. We +were once advised in the sense of a hundred and thirty thousand +dollars. Why a hundred and thirty I'm sure I don't know. Don't +beguile me into figures." + +"Allow me one more question," I said. "Who's actually in +possession?" + +"A certain Mr. Richard Searle. I know nothing about him." + +"He's in some way related to you?" + +"Our great-grandfathers were half-brothers. What does that make +us?" + +"Twentieth cousins, say. And where does your twentieth cousin +live?" + +"At a place called Lackley--in Middleshire." + +I thought it over. "Well, suppose we look up Lackley in +Middleshire!" + +He got straight up. "Go and see it?" + +"Go and see it." + +"Well," he said, "with you I'll go anywhere." + +On our return to town we determined to spend three days there +together and then proceed to our errand. We were as conscious one +as the other of that deeper mystic appeal made by London to those +superstitious pilgrims who feel it the mother-city of their race, +the distributing heart of their traditional life. Certain +characteristics of the dusky Babylon, certain aspects, phases, +features, "say" more to the American spiritual ear than anything +else in Europe. The influence of these things on Searle it +charmed me to note. His observation I soon saw to be, as I +pronounced it to him, searching and caressing. His almost morbid +appetite for any over-scoring of time, well-nigh extinct from +long inanition, threw the flush of its revival into his face and +his talk. + + + +II + +We looked out the topography of Middleshire in a county-guide, +which spoke highly, as the phrase is, of Lackley Park, and took +up our abode, our journey ended, at a wayside inn where, in the +days of leisure, the coach must have stopped for luncheon and +burnished pewters of rustic ale been handed up as straight as +possible to outsiders athirst with the sense of speed. We stopped +here for mere gaping joy of its steep-thatched roof, its latticed +windows, its hospitable porch, and allowed a couple of days to +elapse in vague undirected strolls and sweet sentimental +observance of the land before approaching the particular business +that had drawn us on. The region I allude to is a compendium of +the general physiognomy of England. The noble friendliness of the +scenery, its latent old-friendliness, the way we scarcely knew +whether we were looking at it for the first or the last time, +made it arrest us at every step. The countryside, in the full +warm rains of the last of April, had burst into sudden perfect +spring. The dark walls of the hedgerows had turned into blooming +screens, the sodden verdure of lawn and meadow been washed over +with a lighter brush. We went forth without loss of time for a +long walk on the great grassy hills, smooth arrested central +billows of some primitive upheaval, from the summits of which you +find half England unrolled at your feet. A dozen broad counties, +within the scope of your vision, commingle their green +exhalations. Closely beneath us lay the dark rich hedgy flats and +the copse-chequered slopes, white with the blossom of apples. At +widely opposite points of the expanse two great towers of +cathedrals rose sharply out of a reddish blur of habitation, +taking the mild English light. + +We gave an irrepressible attention to this same solar reserve, +and found in it only a refinement of art. The sky never was empty +and never idle; the clouds were continually at play for our +benefit. Over against us, from our station on the hills, we saw +them piled and dissolved, condensed and shifted, blotting the +blue with sullen rain-spots, stretching, breeze-fretted, into +dappled fields of grey, bursting into an explosion of light or +melting into a drizzle of silver. We made our way along the +rounded ridge of the downs and reached, by a descent, through +slanting angular fields, green to cottage-doors, a russet village +that beckoned us from the heart of the maze in which the hedges +wrapped it up. Close beside it, I admit, the roaring train +bounces out of a hole in the hills; yet there broods upon this +charming hamlet an old-time quietude that makes a violation of +confidence of naming it so far away. We struck through a narrow +lane, a green lane, dim with its barriers of hawthorn; it led us +to a superb old farmhouse, now rather rudely jostled by the +multiplied roads and by-ways that have reduced its ancient +appanage. It stands there in stubborn picturesqueness, doggedly +submitting to be pointed out and sketched. It is a wonderful +image of the domiciliary conditions of the past--cruelly +complete; with bended beams and joists, beneath the burden of +gables, that seem to ache and groan with memories and regrets. +The short low windows, where lead and glass combine equally to +create an inward gloom, retain their opacity as a part of the +primitive idea of defence. Such an old house provokes on the part +of an American a luxury of respect. So propped and patched, so +tinkered with clumsy tenderness, clustered so richly about its +central English sturdiness, its oaken vertebrations, so humanised +with ages of use and touches of beneficent affection, it seemed +to offer to our grateful eyes a small rude symbol of the great +English social order. Passing out upon the highroad, we came to +the common browsing-patch, the "village-green" of the tales of +our youth. Nothing was absent: the shaggy mouse-coloured donkey, +nosing the turf with his mild and huge proboscis, the geese, the +old woman--THE old woman, in person, with her red cloak and her +black bonnet, frilled about the face and double-frilled beside +her decent placid cheeks--the towering ploughman with his white +smock-frock puckered on chest and back, his short corduroys, his +mighty calves, his big red rural face. We greeted these things as +children greet the loved pictures in a storybook lost and mourned +and found again. We recognised them as one recognises the +handwriting on letter-backs. Beside the road we saw a ploughboy +straddle whistling on a stile, and he had the merit of being not +only a ploughboy but a Gainsborough. Beyond the stile, across the +level velvet of a meadow, a footpath wandered like a streak drawn +by a finger over a surface of fine plush. We followed it from +field to field and from stile to stile; it was all adorably the +way to church. At the church we finally arrived, lost in its +rook-haunted churchyard, hidden from the workday world by the +broad stillness of pastures--a grey, grey tower, a huge black +yew, a cluster of village-graves with crooked headstones and +protrusions that had settled and sunk. The place seemed so to +ache with consecration that my sensitive companion gave way to +the force of it. + +"You must bury me here, you know"--he caught at my arm. "It's the +first place of worship I've seen in my life. How it makes a +Sunday where it stands!" + +It took the Church, we agreed, to make churches, but we had the +sense the next day of seeing still better why. We walked over +some seven miles, to the nearer of the two neighbouring seats of +that lesson; and all through such a mist of local colour that we +felt ourselves a pair of Smollett's pedestrian heroes faring +tavernward for a night of adventures. As we neared the provincial +city we saw the steepled mass of the cathedral, long and high, +rise far into the cloud-freckled blue; and as we got closer +stopped on a bridge and looked down at the reflexion of the solid +minster in a yellow stream. Going further yet we entered the +russet town--where surely Miss Austen's heroines, in chariots and +curricles, must often have come a-shopping for their sandals and +mittens; we lounged in the grassed and gravelled precinct and +gazed insatiably at that most soul-soothing sight, the waning +wasting afternoon light, the visible ether that feels the voices +of the chimes cling far aloft to the quiet sides of the +cathedral-tower; saw it linger and nestle and abide, as it loves +to do on all perpendicular spaces, converting them irresistibly +into registers and dials; tasted too, as deeply, of the peculiar +stillness of this place of priests; saw a rosy English lad come +forth and lock the door of the old foundation-school that +dovetailed with cloister and choir, and carry his big responsible +key into one of the quiet canonical houses: and then stood musing +together on the effect on one's mind of having in one's boyhood +gone and come through cathedral-shades as a King's scholar, and +yet kept ruddy with much cricket in misty river meadows. On the +third morning we betook ourselves to Lackley, having learned that +parts of the "grounds" were open to visitors, and that indeed on +application the house was sometimes shown. + +Within the range of these numerous acres the declining spurs of +the hills continued to undulate and subside. A long avenue wound +and circled from the outermost gate through an untrimmed +woodland, whence you glanced at further slopes and glades and +copses and bosky recesses--at everything except the limits of the +place. It was as free and untended as I had found a few of the +large loose villas of old Italy, and I was still never to see the +angular fact of English landlordism muffle itself in so many +concessions. The weather had just become perfect; it was one of +the dozen exquisite days of the English year--days stamped with a +purity unknown in climates where fine weather is cheap. It was as +if the mellow brightness, as tender as that of the primroses +which starred the dark waysides like petals wind-scattered +over beds of moss, had been meted out to us by the cubic foot-- +distilled from an alchemist's crucible. From this pastoral +abundance we moved upon the more composed scene, the park proper +--passed through a second lodge-gate, with weather-worn gilding +on its twisted bars, to the smooth slopes where the great trees +stood singly and the tame deer browsed along the bed of a +woodland stream. Here before us rose the gabled grey front of the +Tudor-time, developed and terraced and gardened to some later +loss, as we were afterwards to know, of type. + +"Here you can wander all day," I said to Searle, "like an exiled +prince who has come back on tiptoe and hovers about the dominion +of the usurper." + +"To think of 'others' having hugged this all these years!" he +answered. "I know what I am, but what might I have been? What do +such places make of a man?" + +"I dare say he gets stupidly used to them," I said. "But I dare +say too, even then, that when you scratch the mere owner you find +the perfect lover." + +"What a perfect scene and background it forms!" my friend, +however, had meanwhile gone on. "What legends, what histories it +knows! My heart really breaks with all I seem to guess. There's +Tennyson's Talking Oak! What summer days one could spend here! +How I could lounge the rest of my life away on this turf of the +middle ages! Haven't I some maiden-cousin in that old hall, or +grange, or court--what in the name of enchantment do you call the +thing?--who would give me kind leave?" And then he turned almost +fiercely upon me. "Why did you bring me here? Why did you drag me +into this distraction of vain regrets?" + +At this moment there passed within call a decent lad who had +emerged from the gardens and who might have been an underling in +the stables. I hailed him and put the question of our possible +admittance to the house. He answered that the master was away +from home, but that he thought it probable the housekeeper would +consent to do the honours. I passed my arm into Searle's. "Come," +I said; "drain the cup, bitter-sweet though it be. We must go +in." We hastened slowly and approached the fine front. The house +was one of the happiest fruits of its freshly-feeling era, a +multitudinous cluster of fair gables and intricate chimneys, +brave projections and quiet recesses, brown old surfaces +weathered to silver and mottled roofs that testified not to +seasons but to centuries. Two broad terraces commanded the wooded +horizon. Our appeal was answered by a butler who condescended to +our weakness. He renewed the assertion that Mr. Searle was away +from home, but he would himself lay our case before the +housekeeper. We would be so good, however, as to give him our +cards. This request, following so directly on the assertion that +Mr. Searle was absent, was rather resented by my companion. +"Surely not for the housekeeper." + +The butler gave a diplomatic cough. "Miss Searle is at home, +sir." + +"Yours alone will have to serve," said my friend. I took out a +card and pencil and wrote beneath my name NEW YORK. As I stood +with the pencil poised a temptation entered into it. Without in +the least considering proprieties or results I let my implement +yield--I added above my name that of Mr. Clement Searle. What +would come of it? + +Before many minutes the housekeeper waited upon us--a fresh rosy +little old woman in a clean dowdy cap and a scanty sprigged gown; +a quaint careful person, but accessible to the tribute of our +pleasure, to say nothing of any other. She had the accent of the +country, but the manners of the house. Under her guidance we +passed through a dozen apartments, duly stocked with old +pictures, old tapestry, old carvings, old armour, with a hundred +ornaments and treasures. The pictures were especially valuable. +The two Vandykes, the trio of rosy Rubenses, the sole and sombre +Rembrandt, glowed with conscious authenticity. A Claude, a +Murillo, a Greuze, a couple of Gainsboroughs, hung there with +high complacency. Searle strolled about, scarcely speaking, pale +and grave, with bloodshot eyes and lips compressed. He uttered no +comment on what we saw--he asked but a question or two. Missing +him at last from my side I retraced my steps and found him in a +room we had just left, on a faded old ottoman and with his elbows +on his knees and his face buried in his hands. Before him, ranged +on a great credence, was a magnificent collection of old Italian +majolica; plates of every shape, with their glaze of happy +colour, jugs and vases nobly bellied and embossed. There seemed +to rise before me, as I looked, a sudden vision of the young +English gentleman who, eighty years ago, had travelled by slow +stages to Italy and been waited on at his inn by persuasive +toymen. "What is it, my dear man?" I asked. "Are you unwell?" + +He uncovered his haggard face and showed me the flush of a +consciousness sharper, I think, to myself than to him. "A memory +of the past! There comes back to me a china vase that used to +stand on the parlour mantel-shelf when I was a boy, with a +portrait of General Jackson painted on one side and a bunch of +flowers on the other. How long do you suppose that majolica has +been in the family?" + +"A long time probably. It was brought hither in the last century, +into old, old England, out of old, old Italy, by some +contemporary dandy with a taste for foreign gimcracks. Here it +has stood for a hundred years, keeping its clear firm hues in +this quiet light that has never sought to advertise it." + +Searle sprang to his feet. "I say, for mercy's sake, take me +away! I can't stand this sort of thing. Before I know it I shall +do something scandalous. I shall steal some of their infernal +crockery. I shall proclaim my identity and assert my rights. I +shall go blubbering to Miss Searle and ask her in pity's name to +'put me up.'" + +If he could ever have been said to threaten complications he +rather visibly did so now. I began to regret my officious +presentation of his name and prepared without delay to lead him +out of the house. We overtook the housekeeper in the last room of +the series, a small unused boudoir over whose chimney-piece hung +a portrait of a young man in a powdered wig and a brocaded +waistcoat. I was struck with his resemblance to my companion +while our guide introduced him. "This is Mr. Clement Searle, Mr. +Searle's great-uncle, by Sir Joshua Reynolds. He died young, poor +gentleman; he perished at sea, going to America." + +"He was the young buck who brought the majolica out of Italy," I +supplemented. + +"Indeed, sir, I believe he did," said the housekeeper without +wonder. + +"He's the image of you, my dear Searle," I further observed. + +"He's remarkably like the gentleman, saving his presence," said +the housekeeper. + +My friend stood staring. "Clement Searle--at sea--going to +America--?" he broke out. Then with some sharpness to our old +woman: "Why the devil did he go to America?" + +"Why indeed, sir? You may well ask. I believe he had kinsfolk +there. It was for them to come to him." + +Searle broke into a laugh. "It was for them to come to him! Well, +well," he said, fixing his eyes on our guide, "they've come to +him at last!" + +She blushed like a wrinkled rose-leaf. "Indeed, sir, I verily +believe you're one of US!" + +"My name's the name of that beautiful youth," Searle went on. +"Dear kinsman I'm happy to meet you! And what do you think of +this?" he pursued as he grasped me by the arm. "I have an idea. +He perished at sea. His spirit came ashore and wandered about in +misery till it got another incarnation--in this poor trunk!" And +he tapped his hollow chest. "Here it has rattled about these +forty years, beating its wings against its rickety cage, begging +to be taken home again. And I never knew what was the matter with +me! Now at last the bruised spirit can escape!" + +Our old lady gaped at a breadth of appreciation--if not at the +disclosure of a connexion--beyond her. The scene was really +embarrassing, and my confusion increased as we became aware of +another presence. A lady had appeared in the doorway and the +housekeeper dropped just audibly: "Miss Searle!" My first +impression of Miss Searle was that she was neither young nor +beautiful. She stood without confidence on the threshold, pale, +trying to smile and twirling my card in her fingers. I +immediately bowed. Searle stared at her as if one of the pictures +had stepped out of its frame. + +"If I'm not mistaken one of you gentlemen is Mr. Clement Searle," +the lady adventured. + +"My friend's Mr. Clement Searle," I took upon myself to reply. +"Allow me to add that I alone am responsible for your having +received his name." + +"I should have been sorry not to--not to see him," said Miss +Searle, beginning to blush. "Your being from America has led me-- +perhaps to intrude!" + +"The intrusion, madam, has been on our part. And with just that +excuse--that we come from so far away." + +Miss Searle, while I spoke, had fixed her eyes on my friend as he +stood silent beneath Sir Joshua's portrait. The housekeeper, +agitated and mystified, fairly let herself go. "Heaven preserve +us, Miss! It's your great-uncle's picture come to life." + +"I'm not mistaken then," said Miss Searle--"we must be distantly +related." She had the air of the shyest of women, for whom it was +almost anguish to make an advance without help. Searle eyed her +with gentle wonder from head to foot, and I could easily read his +thoughts. This then was his maiden-cousin, prospective mistress +of these hereditary treasures. She was of some thirty-five years +of age, taller than was then common and perhaps stouter than is +now enjoined. She had small kind grey eyes, a considerable +quantity of very light-brown hair and a smiling well-formed +mouth. She was dressed in a lustreless black satin gown with a +short train. Disposed about her neck was a blue handkerchief, and +over this handkerchief, in many convolutions, a string of amber +beads. Her appearance was singular; she was large yet somehow +vague, mature yet undeveloped. Her manner of addressing us spoke +of all sorts of deep diffidences. Searle, I think, had prefigured +to himself some proud cold beauty of five-and-twenty; he was +relieved at finding the lady timid and not obtrusively fair. He +at once had an excellent tone. + +"We're distant cousins, I believe. I'm happy to claim a +relationship which you're so good as to remember. I hadn't +counted on your knowing anything about me." + +"Perhaps I've done wrong." And Miss Searle blushed and smiled +anew. "But I've always known of there being people of our blood +in America, and have often wondered and asked about them--without +ever learning much. To-day, when this card was brought me and I +understood a Clement Searle to be under our roof as a stranger, I +felt I ought to do something. But, you know, I hardly knew what. +My brother's in London. I've done what I think he would have +done. Welcome as a cousin." And with a resolution that ceased to +be awkward she put out her hand. + +"I'm welcome indeed if he would have done it half so graciously!" +Again Searle, taking her hand, acquitted himself beautifully. + +"You've seen what there is, I think," Miss Searle went on. +"Perhaps now you'll have luncheon." We followed her into a small +breakfast-room where a deep bay window opened on the mossy flags +of a terrace. Here, for some moments, she remained dumb and +abashed, as if resting from a measurable effort. Searle too had +ceased to overflow, so that I had to relieve the silence. It was +of course easy to descant on the beauties of park and mansion, +and as I did so I observed our hostess. She had no arts, no +impulses nor graces--scarce even any manners; she was queerly, +almost frowsily dressed; yet she pleased me well. She had an +antique sweetness, a homely fragrance of old traditions. To be so +simple, among those complicated treasures, so pampered and yet so +fresh, so modest and yet so placid, told of just the spacious +leisure in which Searle and I had imagined human life to be +steeped in such places as that. This figure was to the Sleeping +Beauty in the Wood what a fact is to a fairy-tale, an +interpretation to a myth. We, on our side, were to our hostess +subjects of a curiosity not cunningly veiled. + +"I should like so to go abroad!" she exclaimed suddenly, as if +she meant us to take the speech for an expression of interest in +ourselves. + +"Have you never been?" one of us asked. + +"Only once. Three years ago my brother took me to Switzerland. We +thought it extremely beautiful. Except for that journey I've +always lived here. I was born in this house. It's a dear old +place indeed, and I know it well. Sometimes one wants a change." +And on my asking her how she spent her time and what society she +saw, "Of course it's very quiet," she went on, proceeding by +short steps and simple statements, in the manner of a person +called upon for the first time to analyse to that extent her +situation. "We see very few people. I don't think there are many +nice ones hereabouts. At least we don't know them. Our own +family's very small. My brother cares for nothing but riding and +books. He had a great sorrow ten years ago. He lost his wife and +his only son, a dear little boy, who of course would have had +everything. Do you know that that makes me the heir, as they've +done something--I don't quite know what--to the entail? Poor old +me! Since his loss my brother has preferred to be quite alone. +I'm sorry he's away. But you must wait till he comes back. I +expect him in a day or two." She talked more and more, as if our +very strangeness led her on, about her circumstances, her +solitude, her bad eyes, so that she couldn't read, her flowers, +her ferns, her dogs, and the vicar, recently presented to the +living by her brother and warranted quite safe, who had lately +begun to light his altar candles; pausing every now and then to +gasp in self-surprise, yet, in the quaintest way in the world, +keeping up her story as if it were a slow rather awkward old-time +dance, a difficult pas seul in which she would have been better +with more practice, but of which she must complete the figure. Of +all the old things I had seen in England this exhibited mind of +Miss Searle's seemed to me the oldest, the most handed down and +taken for granted; fenced and protected as it was by convention +and precedent and usage, thoroughly acquainted with its +subordinate place. I felt as if I were talking with the heroine +of a last-century novel. As she talked she rested her dull eyes +on her kinsman with wondering kindness. At last she put it to +him: "Did you mean to go away without asking for us?" + +"I had thought it over, Miss Searle, and had determined not to +trouble you. You've shown me how unfriendly I should have been." + +"But you knew of the place being ours, and of our relationship?" + +"Just so. It was because of these things that I came down here-- +because of them almost that I came to England. I've always liked +to think of them," said my companion. + +"You merely wished to look then? We don't pretend to be much to +look at." + +He waited; her words were too strange. "You don't know what you +are, Miss Searle." + +"You like the old place then?" + +Searle looked at her again in silence. "If I could only tell +you!" he said at last. + +"Do tell me. You must come and stay with us." + +It moved him to an oddity of mirth. "Take care, take care--I +should surprise you! I'm afraid I should bore you. I should never +leave you." + +"Oh you'd get homesick--for your real home!" + +At this he was still more amused. "By the way, tell Miss Searle +about our real home," he said to me. And he stepped, through the +window, out upon the terrace, followed by two beautiful dogs, a +setter and a young stag-hound who from the moment we came in had +established the fondest relation with him. Miss Searle looked at +him, while he went, as if she vaguely yearned over him; it began +to be plain that she was interested in her exotic cousin. I +suddenly recalled the last words I had heard spoken by my +friend's adviser in London and which, in a very crude form, had +reference to his making a match with this lady. If only Miss +Searle could be induced to think of that, and if one had but the +tact to put it in a light to her! Something assured me that her +heart was virgin-soil, that the flower of romantic affection had +never bloomed there. If I might just sow the seed! There seemed +to shape itself within her the perfect image of one of the +patient wives of old. + +"He has lost his heart to England," I said. "He ought to have +been born here." + +"And yet he doesn't look in the least an Englishman," she still +rather guardedly prosed. + +"Oh it isn't his looks, poor fellow." + +"Of course looks aren't everything. I never talked with a +foreigner before; but he talks as I have fancied foreigners." + +"Yes, he's foreign enough." + +"Is he married?" + +"His wife's dead and he's all alone in the world." + +"Has he much property?" + +"None to speak of." + +"But he has means to travel." + +I meditated. "He has not expected to travel far," I said at last. +"You know, he's in very poor health." + +"Poor gentleman! So I supposed." + +"But there's more of him to go on with than he thinks. He came +here because he wanted to see your place before he dies." + +"Dear me--kind man!" And I imagined in the quiet eyes the hint of +a possible tear. "And he was going away without my seeing him?" + +"He's very modest, you see." + +"He's very much the gentleman." + +I couldn't but smile. "He's ALL--" + +At this moment we heard on the terrace a loud harsh cry. "It's +the great peacock!" said Miss Searle, stepping to the window and +passing out while I followed her. Below us, leaning on the +parapet, stood our appreciative friend with his arm round the +neck of the setter. Before him on the grand walk strutted the +familiar fowl of gardens--a splendid specimen--with ruffled neck +and expanded tail. The other dog had apparently indulged in a +momentary attempt to abash the gorgeous biped, but at Searle's +summons had bounded back to the terrace and leaped upon the +ledge, where he now stood licking his new friend's face. The +scene had a beautiful old-time air: the peacock flaunting in the +foreground like the genius of stately places; the broad terrace, +which flattered an innate taste of mine for all deserted walks +where people may have sat after heavy dinners to drink coffee in +old Sevres and where the stiff brocade of women's dresses may +have rustled over grass or gravel; and far around us, with one +leafy circle melting into another, the timbered acres of the +park. "The very beasts have made him welcome," I noted as we +rejoined our companion. + +"The peacock has done for you, Mr. Searle," said his cousin, +"what he does only for very great people. A year ago there came +here a great person--a grand old lady--to see my brother. I don't +think that since then he has spread his tail as wide for any one +else--not by a dozen feathers." + +"It's not alone the peacock," said Searle. "Just now there came +slipping across my path a little green lizard, the first I ever +saw, the lizard of literature! And if you've a ghost, broad +daylight though it be, I expect to see him here. Do you know the +annals of your house, Miss Searle?" + +"Oh dear, no! You must ask my brother for all those things." + +"You ought to have a collection of legends and traditions. You +ought to have loves and murders and mysteries by the roomful. I +shall be ashamed of you if you haven't." + +"Oh Mr. Searle! We've always been a very well-behaved family," +she quite seriously pleaded. "Nothing out of the way has ever +happened, I think." + +"Nothing out of the way? Oh that won't do! We've managed better +than that in America. Why I myself!"--and he looked at her +ruefully enough, but enjoying too his idea that he might embody +the social scandal or point to the darkest drama of the Searles. +"Suppose I should turn out a better Searle than you--better than +you nursed here in romance and extravagance? Come, don't +disappoint me. You've some history among you all, you've some +poetry, you've some accumulation of legend. I've been famished +all my days for these things. Don't you understand? Ah you can't +understand! Tell me," he rambled on, "something tremendous. When +I think of what must have happened here; of the lovers who must +have strolled on this terrace and wandered under the beeches, of +all the figures and passions and purposes that must have haunted +these walls! When I think of the births and deaths, the joys and +sufferings, the young hopes and the old regrets, the rich +experience of life--!" He faltered a moment with the increase of +his agitation. His humour of dismay at a threat of the +commonplace in the history he felt about him had turned to a +deeper reaction. I began to fear however that he was really +losing his head. He went on with a wilder play. "To see it all +called up there before me, if the Devil alone could do it I'd +make a bargain with the Devil! Ah Miss Searle," he cried, "I'm a +most unhappy man!" + +"Oh dear, oh dear!" she almost wailed while I turned half away. + +"Look at that window, that dear little window!" I turned back to +see him point to a small protruding oriel, above us, relieved +against the purple brickwork, framed in chiselled stone and +curtained with ivy. + +"It's my little room," she said. + +"Of course it's a woman's room. Think of all the dear faces--all +of them so mild and yet so proud--that have looked out of that +lattice, and of all the old-time women's lives whose principal +view of the world has been this quiet park! Every one of them was +a cousin of mine. And you, dear lady, you're one of them yet." +With which he marched toward her and took her large white hand. +She surrendered it, blushing to her eyes and pressing her other +hand to her breast. "You're a woman of the past. You're nobly +simple. It has been a romance to see you. It doesn't matter what +I say to you. You didn't know me yesterday, you'll not know me +to-morrow. Let me to-day do a mad sweet thing. Let me imagine in +you the spirit of all the dead women who have trod the terrace- +flags that lie here like sepulchral tablets in the pavement of a +church. Let me say I delight in you!"--he raised her hand to his +lips. She gently withdrew it and for a moment averted her face. +Meeting her eyes the next instant I saw the tears had come. The +Sleeping Beauty was awake. + +There followed an embarrassed pause. An issue was suddenly +presented by the appearance of the butler bearing a letter. "A +telegram, Miss," he announced. + +"Oh what shall I do?" cried Miss Searle. "I can't open a +telegram. Cousin, help me." + +Searle took the missive, opened it and read aloud: "I shall be +home to dinner. Keep the American." + + + +III + +"KEEP the American!" Miss Searle, in compliance with the +injunction conveyed in her brother's telegram (with something +certainly of telegraphic curtness), lost no time in expressing +the pleasure it would give her that our friend should remain. +"Really you must," she said; and forthwith repaired to the house- +keeper to give orders for the preparation of a room. + +"But how in the world did he know of my being here?" my companion +put to me. + +I answered that he had probably heard from his solicitor of the +other's visit. "Mr. Simmons and that gentleman must have had +another interview since your arrival in England. Simmons, for +reasons of his own, has made known to him your journey to this +neighbourhood, and Mr. Searle, learning this, has immediately +taken for granted that you've formally presented yourself to his +sister. He's hospitably inclined and wishes her to do the proper +thing by you. There may even," I went on, "be more in it than +that. I've my little theory that he's the very phoenix of +usurpers, that he has been very much struck with what the experts +have had to say for you, and that he wishes to have the +originality of making over to you your share--so limited after +all--of the estate." + +"I give it up!" my friend mused. "Come what come will!" + +"You, of course," said Miss Searle, reappearing and turning to +me, "are included in my brother's invitation. I've told them to +see about a room for you. Your luggage shall immediately be sent +for." + +It was arranged that I in person should be driven over to our +little inn and that I should return with our effects in time to +meet Mr. Searle at dinner. On my arrival several hours later I +was immediately conducted to my room. The servant pointed out to +me that it communicated by a door and a private passage with that +of my fellow visitor. I made my way along this passage--a low +narrow corridor with a broad latticed casement through which +there streamed upon a series of grotesquely sculptured oaken +closets and cupboards the vivid animating glow of the western sun +--knocked at his door and, getting no answer, opened it. In an +armchair by the open window sat my friend asleep, his arms and +legs relaxed and head dropped on his breast. It was a great +relief to see him rest thus from his rhapsodies, and I watched +him for some moments before waking him. There was a faint glow of +colour in his cheek and a light expressive parting of his lips, +something nearer to ease and peace than I had yet seen in him. It +was almost happiness, it was almost health. I laid my hand on his +arm and gently shook it. He opened his eyes, gazed at me a +moment, vaguely recognised me, then closed them again. "Let me +dream, let me dream!" + +"What are you dreaming about?" + +A moment passed before his answer came. "About a tall woman in a +quaint black dress, with yellow hair and a sweet, sweet smile, +and a soft low delicious voice! I'm in love with her." + +"It's better to see her than to dream about her," I said. "Get up +and dress; then we'll go down to dinner and meet her." + +"Dinner--dinner--?" And he gradually opened his eyes again. "Yes, +upon my word I shall dine!" + +"Oh you're all right!" I declared for the twentieth time as he +rose to his feet. "You'll live to bury Mr. Simmons." He told me +he had spent the hours of my absence with Miss Searle--they had +strolled together half over the place. "You must be very +intimate," I smiled. + +"She's intimate with ME. Goodness knows what rigmarole I've +treated her to!" They had parted an hour ago; since when, he +believed, her brother had arrived. + +The slow-fading twilight was still in the great drawing-room when +we came down. The housekeeper had told us this apartment was +rarely used, there being others, smaller and more convenient, for +the same needs. It seemed now, however, to be occupied in my +comrade's honour. At the furthest end, rising to the roof like a +royal tomb in a cathedral, was a great chimney-piece of chiselled +white marble, yellowed by time, in which a light fire was +crackling. Before the fire stood a small short man, with his +hands behind him; near him was Miss Searle, so transformed by her +dress that at first I scarcely knew her. There was in our +entrance and reception something remarkably chilling and solemn. +We moved in silence up the long room; Mr. Searle advanced slowly, +a dozen steps, to meet us; his sister stood motionless. I was +conscious of her masking her visage with a large white tinselled +fan, and that her eyes, grave and enlarged, watched us intently +over the top of it. The master of Lackley grasped in silence the +proffered hand of his kinsman and eyed him from head to foot, +suppressing, I noted, a start of surprise at his resemblance to +Sir Joshua's portrait. "This is a happy day." And then turning to +me with an odd little sharp stare: "My cousin's friend is my +friend." Miss Searle lowered her fan. + +The first thing that struck me in Mr. Searle's appearance was his +very limited stature, which was less by half a head than that of +his sister. The second was the preternatural redness of his hair +and beard. They intermingled over his ears and surrounded his +head like a huge lurid nimbus. His face was pale and attenuated, +the face of a scholar, a dilettante, a comparer of points and +texts, a man who lives in a library bending over books and prints +and medals. At a distance it might have passed for smooth and +rather blankly composed; but on a nearer view it revealed a +number of wrinkles, sharply etched and scratched, of a singularly +aged and refined effect. It was the complexion of a man of sixty. +His nose was arched and delicate, identical almost with the nose +of my friend. His eyes, large and deep-set, had a kind of auburn +glow, the suggestion of a keen metal red-hot--or, more plainly, +were full of temper and spirit. Imagine this physiognomy--grave +and solemn, grotesquely solemn, in spite of the bushy brightness +which made a sort of frame for it--set in motion by a queer, +quick, defiant, perfunctory, preoccupied smile, and you will have +an imperfect notion of the remarkable presence of our host; +something better worth seeing and knowing, I perceived as I quite +breathlessly took him in, than anything we had yet encountered. +How thoroughly I had entered into sympathy with my poor picked-up +friend, and how effectually I had associated my sensibilities +with his own, I had not suspected till, within the short five +minutes before the signal for dinner, I became aware, without his +giving me the least hint, of his placing himself on the +defensive. To neither of us was Mr. Searle sympathetic. I might +have guessed from her attitude that his sister entered into our +thoughts. A marked change had been wrought in her since the +morning; during the hour, indeed--as I read in the light of the +wondering glance he cast at her--that had elapsed since her +parting with her cousin. She had not yet recovered from some +great agitation. Her face was pale and she had clearly been +crying. These notes of trouble gave her a new and quite perverse +dignity, which was further enhanced by something complimentary +and commemorative in her dress. + +Whether it was taste or whether it was accident I know not; but +the amiable creature, as she stood there half in the cool +twilight, half in the arrested glow of the fire as it spent +itself in the vastness of its marble cave, was a figure for a +painter. She was habited in some faded splendour of sea-green +crape and silk, a piece of millinery which, though it must have +witnessed a number of dull dinners, preserved still a festive +air. Over her white shoulders she wore an ancient web of the most +precious and venerable lace and about her rounded throat a single +series of large pearls. I went in with her to dinner, and Mr. +Searle, following with my friend, took his arm, as the latter +afterwards told me, and pretended jocosely to conduct him. As +dinner proceeded the feeling grew within me that a drama had +begun to be played in which the three persons before me were +actors--each of a really arduous part. The character allotted to +my friend, however, was certainly the least easy to represent +with effect, though I overflowed with the desire that he should +acquit himself to his honour. I seemed to see him urge his faded +faculties to take their cue and perform. The poor fellow tried to +do himself credit more seriously than ever in his old best days. +With Miss Searle, credulous passive and pitying, he had finally +flung aside all vanity and propriety and shown the bottom of his +fantastic heart. But with our host there might be no talking of +nonsense nor taking of liberties; there and then, if ever, sat a +consummate conservative, breathing the fumes of hereditary +privilege and security. For an hour, accordingly, I saw my poor +protege attempt, all in pain, to meet a new decorum. He set +himself the task of appearing very American, in order that his +appreciation of everything Mr. Searle represented might seem +purely disinterested. What his kinsman had expected him to be I +know not; but I made Mr. Searle out as annoyed, in spite of his +exaggerated urbanity, at finding him so harmless. Our host was +not the man to show his hand, but I think his best card had been +a certain implicit confidence that so provincial a parasite would +hardly have good manners. + +He led the conversation to the country we had left; rather as if +a leash had been attached to the collar of some lumpish and half- +domesticated animal the tendency of whose movements had to be +recognised. He spoke of it indeed as of some fabled planet, alien +to the British orbit, lately proclaimed to have the admixture of +atmospheric gases required to support animal life, but not, save +under cover of a liberal afterthought, to be admitted into one's +regular conception of things. I, for my part, felt nothing but +regret that the spheric smoothness of his universe should be +disfigured by the extrusion even of such inconsiderable particles +as ourselves. + +"I knew in a general way of our having somehow ramified over +there," Mr. Searle mentioned; "but had scarcely followed it more +than you pretend to pick up the fruit your long-armed pear tree +may drop, on the other side of your wall, in your neighbour's +garden. There was a man I knew at Cambridge, a very odd fellow, a +decent fellow too; he and I were rather cronies; I think he +afterwards went to the Middle States. They'll be, I suppose, +about the Mississippi? At all events, there was that great-uncle +of mine whom Sir Joshua painted. He went to America, but he never +got there. He was lost at sea. You look enough like him to make +one fancy he DID get there and that you've kept him alive by one +of those beastly processes--I think you have 'em over there: what +do you call it, 'putting up' things? If you're he you've not done +a wise thing to show yourself here. He left a bad name behind +him. There's a ghost who comes sobbing about the house every +now and then, the ghost of one to whom he did a wrong." + +"Oh mercy ON us!" cried Miss Searle in simple horror. + +"Of course YOU know nothing of such things," he rather dryly +allowed. "You're too sound a sleeper to hear the sobbing of +ghosts." + +"I'm sure I should like immensely to hear the sobbing of a +ghost," said my friend, the light of his previous eagerness +playing up into his eyes. "Why does it sob? I feel as if that +were what we've come above all to learn." + +Mr. Searle eyed his audience a moment gaugingly; he held the +balance as to measure his resources. He wished to do justice to +his theme. With the long finger-nails of his left hand nervously +playing against the tinkling crystal of his wineglass and his +conscious eyes betraying that, small and strange as he sat there, +he knew himself, to his pleasure and advantage, remarkably +impressive, he dropped into our untutored minds the sombre legend +of his house. "Mr. Clement Searle, from all I gather, was a young +man of great talents but a weak disposition. His mother was left +a widow early in life, with two sons, of whom he was the elder +and the more promising. She educated him with the greatest +affection and care. Of course when he came to manhood she wished +him to marry well. His means were quite sufficient to enable him +to overlook the want of money in his wife; and Mrs. Searle +selected a young lady who possessed, as she conceived, every good +gift save a fortune--a fine proud handsome girl, the daughter of +an old friend, an old lover I suspect, of her own. Clement, +however, as it appeared, had either chosen otherwise or was as +yet unprepared to choose. The young lady opened upon him in vain +the battery of her attractions; in vain his mother urged her +cause. Clement remained cold, insensible, inflexible. Mrs. Searle +had a character which appears to have gone out of fashion in my +family nowadays; she was a great manager, a maitresse-femme. A +proud passionate imperious woman, she had had immense cares and +ever so many law-suits; they had sharpened her temper and her +will. She suspected that her son's affections had another object, +and this object she began to hate. Irritated by his stubborn +defiance of her wishes she persisted in her purpose. The more she +watched him the more she was convinced he loved in secret. If he +loved in secret of course he loved beneath him. He went about the +place all sombre and sullen and brooding. At last, with the +rashness of an angry woman, she threatened to bring the young +lady of her choice--who, by the way, seems to have been no +shrinking blossom--to stay in the house. A stormy scene was the +result. He threatened that if she did so he would leave the +country and sail for America. She probably disbelieved him; she +knew him to be weak, but she overrated his weakness. At all +events the rejected one arrived and Clement Searle departed. On a +dark December day he took ship at Southampton. The two women, +desperate with rage and sorrow, sat alone in this big house, +mingling their tears and imprecations. A fortnight later, on +Christmas Eve, in the midst of a great snowstorm long famous in +the country, something happened that quickened their bitterness. +A young woman, battered and chilled by the storm, gained entrance +to the house and, making her way into the presence of the +mistress and her guest, poured out her tale. She was a poor +curate's daughter out of some little hole in Gloucestershire. +Clement Searle had loved her--loved her all too well! She had +been turned out in wrath from her father's house; his mother at +least might pity her--if not for herself then for the child she +was soon to bring forth. Hut the poor girl had been a second time +too trustful. The women, in scorn, in horror, with blows +possibly, drove her forth again into the storm. In the storm she +wandered and in the deep snow she died. Her lover, as you know, +perished in that hard winter weather at sea; the news came to his +mother late, but soon enough. We're haunted by the curate's +daughter!" + +Mr. Searle retailed this anecdote with infinite taste and point, +the happiest art; when he ceased there was a pause of some +moments. "Ah well we may be!" Miss Searle then mournfully +murmured. + +Searle blazed up into enthusiasm. "Of course, you know"--with +which he began to blush violently--"I should be sorry to claim +any identity with the poor devil my faithless namesake. But I +should be immensely gratified if the young lady's spirit, +deceived by my resemblance, were to mistake me for her cruel +lover. She's welcome to the comfort of it. What one can do in the +case I shall be glad to do. But can a ghost haunt a ghost? I AM a +ghost!" + +Mr. Searle stared a moment and then had a subtle sneer. "I could +almost believe you are!" + +"Oh brother--and cousin!" cried Miss Searle with the gentlest yet +most appealing dignity. "How can you talk so horribly?" +The horrible talk, however, evidently possessed a potent magic +for my friend; and his imagination, checked a while by the +influence of his kinsman, began again to lead him a dance. From +this moment he ceased to steer his frail bark, to care what he +said or how he said it, so long as he expressed his passionate +appreciation of the scene around him. As he kept up this strain I +ceased even secretly to wish he wouldn't. I have wondered since +that I shouldn't have been annoyed by the way he reverted +constantly to himself. But a great frankness, for the time, makes +its own law and a great passion its own channel. There was +moreover an irresponsible indescribable effect of beauty in +everything his lips uttered. Free alike from adulation and from +envy, the essence of his discourse was a divine apprehension, a +romantic vision free as the flight of Ariel, of the poetry of his +companions' situation and their contrasted general +irresponsiveness. + +"How does the look of age come?" he suddenly broke out at +dessert. "Does it come of itself, unobserved, unrecorded, +unmeasured? Or do you woo it and set baits and traps for it, and +watch it like the dawning brownness of a meerschaum pipe, and +make it fast, when it appears, just where it peeps out, and light +a votive taper beneath it and give thanks to it daily? Or do you +forbid it and fight it and resist it, and yet feel it settling +and deepening about you as irresistible as fate?" + +"What the deuce is the man talking about?" said the smile of our +host. + +"I found a little grey hair this morning," Miss Searle +incoherently prosed. + +"Well then I hope you paid it every respect!" cried her visitor. + +"I looked at it for a long time in my hand-glass," she answered +with more presence of mind. + +"Miss Searle can for many years to come afford to be amused at +grey hairs," I interposed in the hope of some greater ease. +It had its effect. "Ten years from last Thursday I shall be +forty-four," she almost comfortably smiled. + +"Well, that's just what I am," said Searle. "If I had only come +here ten years ago! I should have had more time to enjoy the +feast, but I should have had less appetite. I needed first to get +famished." + +"Oh why did you wait for that?" his entertainer asked. "To think +of these ten years that we might have been enjoying you!" At the +vision of which waste and loss Mr. Searle had a fine shrill +laugh. + +"Well," my friend explained, "I always had a notion--a stupid +vulgar notion if there ever was one--that to come abroad properly +one had to have a pot of money. My pot was too nearly empty. At +last I came with my empty pot!" + +Mr. Searle had a wait for delicacy, but he proceeded. "You're +reduced, you're--a--straitened?" + +Our companion's very breath blew away the veil. "Reduced to +nothing. Straitened to the clothes on my back!" + +"You don't say so!" said Mr. Searle with a large vague gasp. +"Well--well--well!" he added in a voice which might have meant +everything or nothing; and then, in his whimsical way, went on to +finish a glass of wine. His searching eye, as he drank, met mine, +and for a moment we each rather deeply sounded the other, to the +effect no doubt of a slight embarrassment. "And you," he said by +way of carrying this off--"how about YOUR wardrobe?" + +"Oh his!" cried my friend; "his wardrobe's immense. He could +dress up a regiment!" He had drunk more champagne--I admit that +the champagne was good--than was from any point of view to have +been desired. He was rapidly drifting beyond any tacit dissuasion +of mine. He was feverish and rash, and all attempt to direct +would now simply irritate him. As we rose from the table he +caught my troubled look. Passing his arm for a moment into mine, +"This is the great night!" he strangely and softly said; "the +night and the crisis that will settle me." + +Mr. Searle had caused the whole lower portion of the house to be +thrown open and a multitude of lights to be placed in convenient +and effective positions. Such a marshalled wealth of ancient +candlesticks and flambeaux I had never beheld. Niched against the +dusky wainscots, casting great luminous circles upon the pendent +stiffness of sombre tapestries, enhancing and completing with +admirable effect the variety and mystery of the great ancient +house, they seemed to people the wide rooms, as our little group +passed slowly from one to another, with a dim expectant presence. +We had thus, in spite of everything, a wonderful hour of it. Mr. +Searle at once assumed the part of cicerone, and--I had not +hitherto done him justice--Mr. Searle became almost agreeable. +While I lingered behind with his sister he walked in advance with +his kinsman. It was as if he had said: "Well, if you want the old +place you shall have it--so far as the impression goes!" He +spared us no thrill--I had almost said no pang--of that +experience. Carrying a tall silver candlestick in his left hand, +he raised it and lowered it and cast the light hither and +thither, upon pictures and hangings and carvings and cornices. He +knew his house to perfection. He touched upon a hundred +traditions and memories, he threw off a cloud of rich reference +to its earlier occupants. He threw off again, in his easy elegant +way, a dozen--happily lighter--anecdotes. His relative attended +with a brooding deference. Miss Searle and I meanwhile were not +wholly silent. + +"I suppose that by this time you and your cousin are almost old +friends," I remarked. + +She trifled a moment with her fan and then raised her kind small +eyes. "Old friends--yet at the same time strangely new! My +cousin, my cousin"--and her voice lingered on the word--"it seems +so strange to call him my cousin after thinking these many years +that I've no one in the world but my brother. But he's really so +very odd!" + +"It's not so much he as--well, as his situation, that deserves +that name," I tried to reason. + +"I'm so sorry for his situation. I wish I could help it in some +way. He interests me so much." She gave a sweet-sounding sigh. "I +wish I could have known him sooner--and better. He tells me he's +but the shadow of what he used to be." + +I wondered if he had been consciously practising on the +sensibilities of this gentle creature. If he had I believed he +had gained his point. But his position had in fact become to my +sense so precarious that I hardly ventured to be glad. "His +better self just now seems again to be taking shape," I said. +"It will have been a good deed on your part if you help to +restore him to all he ought to be." + +She met my idea blankly. "Dear me, what can I do?" + +"Be a friend to him. Let him like you, let him love you. I dare +say you see in him now much to pity and to wonder at. But let him +simply enjoy a while the grateful sense of your nearness and +dearness. He'll be a better and stronger man for it, and then you +can love him, you can esteem him, without restriction." + +She fairly frowned for helplessness. "It's a hard part for poor +stupid me to play!" + +Her almost infantine innocence left me no choice but to be +absolutely frank. "Did you ever play any part at all?" + +She blushed as if I had been reproaching her with her +insignificance. "Never! I think I've hardly lived." + +"You've begun to live now perhaps. You've begun to care for +something else than your old-fashioned habits. Pardon me if I +seem rather meddlesome; you know we Americans are very rough and +ready. It's a great moment. I wish you joy!" + +"I could almost believe you're laughing at me. I feel more +trouble than joy." + +"Why do you feel trouble?" + +She paused with her eyes fixed on our companions. "My cousin's +arrival's a great disturbance," she said at last. + +"You mean you did wrong in coming to meet him? In that case the +fault's mine. He had no intention of giving you the opportunity." + +"I certainly took too much on myself. But I can't find it in my +heart to regret it. I never shall regret it! I did the only thing +I COULD, heaven forgive me!" + +"Heaven bless you, Miss Searle! Is any harm to come of it? I did +the evil; let me bear the brunt!" + +She shook her head gravely. "You don't know my brother!" + +"The sooner I master the subject the better then," I said. I +couldn't help relieving myself--at least by the tone of my voice +--of the antipathy with which, decidedly, this gentleman had +inspired me. "Not perhaps that we should get on so well +together!" After which, as she turned away, "Are you VERY much +afraid of him?" I added. + +She gave me a shuddering sidelong glance. "He's looking at me!" + +He was placed with his back to us, holding a large Venetian hand- +mirror, framed in chiselled silver, which he had taken from a +shelf of antiquities, just at such an angle that he caught the +reflexion of his sister's person. It was evident that I too was +under his attention, and was resolved I wouldn't be suspected +for nothing. "Miss Searle," I said with urgency, "promise me +something." + +She turned upon me with a start and a look that seemed to beg me +to spare her. "Oh don't ask me--please don't!" It was as if she +were standing on the edge of a place where the ground had +suddenly fallen away, and had been called upon to make a leap. I +felt retreat was impossible, however, and that it was the greater +kindness to assist her to jump. + +"Promise me," I repeated. + +Still with her eyes she protested. "Oh what a dreadful day!" she +cried at last. + +"Promise me to let him speak to you alone if he should ask you-- +any wish you may suspect on your brother's part notwithstanding." +She coloured deeply. "You mean he has something so particular to +say?" + +"Something so particular!" + +"Poor cousin!" + +"Well, poor cousin! But promise me." + +"I promise," she said, and moved away across the long room and +out of the door. + +"You're in time to hear the most delightful story," Searle began +to me as I rejoined him and his host. They were standing before +an old sombre portrait of a lady in the dress of Queen Anne's +time, whose ill-painted flesh-tints showed livid, in the candle- +light, against her dark drapery and background. "This is Mrs. +Margaret Searle--a sort of Beatrix Esmond--qui se passait ses +fantaisies. She married a paltry Frenchman, a penniless fiddler, +in the teeth of her whole family. Pretty Mrs. Margaret, you must +have been a woman of courage! Upon my word, she looks like Miss +Searle! But pray go on. What came of it all?" + +Our companion watched him with an air of distaste for his +boisterous homage and of pity for his crude imagination. But he +took up the tale with an effective dryness: "I found a year ago, +in a box of very old papers, a letter from the lady in question +to a certain Cynthia Searle, her elder sister. It was dated from +Paris and dreadfully ill-spelled. It contained a most passionate +appeal for pecuniary assistance. She had just had a baby, she was +starving and dreadfully neglected by her husband--she cursed the +day she had left England. It was a most dismal production. I +never heard she found means to return." + +"So much for marrying a Frenchman!" I said sententiously. + +Our host had one of his waits. "This is the only lady of the +family who ever was taken in by an adventurer." + +"Does Miss Searle know her history?" asked my friend with a stare +at the rounded whiteness of the heroine's cheek. + +"Miss Searle knows nothing!" said our host with expression. + +"She shall know at least the tale of Mrs. Margaret," their guest +returned; and he walked rapidly away in search of her. + +Mr. Searle and I pursued our march through the lighted rooms. +"You've found a cousin with a vengeance," I doubtless awkwardly +enough laughed. + +"Ah a vengeance?" my entertainer stiffly repeated. + +"I mean that he takes as keen an interest in your annals and +possessions as yourself." + +"Oh exactly so! He tells me he's a bad invalid," he added in a +moment. "I should never have supposed it." + +"Within the past few hours he's a changed man. Your beautiful +house, your extreme kindness, have refreshed him immensely." +Mr. Searle uttered the vague ejaculation with which self- +conscious Britons so often betray the concussion of any especial +courtesy of speech. But he followed this by a sudden odd glare +and the sharp declaration: "I'm an honest man!" I was quite +prepared to assent; but he went on with a fury of frankness, as +if it were the first time in his life he had opened himself to +any one, as if the process were highly disagreeable and he were +hurrying through it as a task. "An honest man, mind you! I know +nothing about Mr. Clement Searle! I never expected to see him. He +has been to me a--a--!" And here he paused to select a word which +should vividly enough express what, for good or for ill, his +kinsman represented. "He has been to me an Amazement! I've no +doubt he's a most amiable man. You'll not deny, however, that +he's a very extraordinary sort of person. I'm sorry he's ill. I'm +sorry he's poor. He's my fiftieth cousin. Well and good. I'm an +honest man. He shall not have it to say that he wasn't received +at my house." + +"He too, thank heaven, is an honest man!" I smiled. + +"Why the devil then," cried Mr. Searle, turning almost fiercely +on me, "has he put forward this underhand claim to my property?" + +The question, quite ringing out, flashed backward a gleam of +light upon the demeanour of our host and the suppressed agitation +of his sister. In an instant the jealous gentleman revealed +itself. For a moment I was so surprised and scandalised at the +directness of his attack that I lacked words to reply. As soon as +he had spoken indeed Mr. Searle appeared to feel he had been +wanting in form. "Pardon me," he began afresh, "if I speak of +this matter with heat. But I've been more disgusted than I can +say to hear, as I heard this morning from my solicitor, of the +extraordinary proceedings of Mr. Clement Searle. Gracious +goodness, sir, for what does the man take me? He pretends to the +Lord knows what fantastic admiration for my place. Let him then +show his respect for it by not taking too many liberties! Let +him, with his high-flown parade of loyalty, imagine a tithe of +what _I_ feel! I love my estate; it's my passion, my conscience, +my life! Am I to divide it up at this time of day with a beggarly +foreigner--a man without means, without appearance, without +proof, a pretender, an adventurer, a chattering mountebank? I +thought America boasted having lands for all men! Upon my soul, +sir, I've never been so shocked in my life." + +I paused for some moments before speaking, to allow his passion +fully to expend itself and to flicker up again if it chose; for +so far as I was concerned in the whole awkward matter I but +wanted to deal with him discreetly. "Your apprehensions, sir," I +said at last, "your not unnatural surprise, perhaps, at the +candour of our interest, have acted too much on your nerves. +You're attacking a man of straw, a creature of unworthy illusion; +though I'm sadly afraid you've wounded a man of spirit and +conscience. Either my friend has no valid claim on your estate, +in which case your agitation is superfluous; or he HAS a valid +claim--" + +Mr. Searle seized my arm and glared at me; his pale face paler +still with the horror of my suggestion, his great eyes of alarm +glowing and his strange red hair erect and quivering. "A valid +claim!" he shouted. "Let him try it--let him bring it into +court!" + +We had emerged into the great hall and stood facing the main +doorway. The door was open into the portico, through the stone +archway of which I saw the garden glitter in the blue light of a +full moon. As the master of the house uttered the words I have +just repeated my companion came slowly up into the porch from +without, bareheaded, bright in the outer moonlight, dark in the +shadow of the archway, and bright again in the lamplight at the +entrance of the hall. As he crossed the threshold the butler made +an appearance at the head of the staircase on our left, faltering +visibly a moment at sight of Mr. Searle; after which, noting my +friend, he gravely descended. He bore in his hand a small silver +tray. On the tray, gleaming in the light of the suspended lamp, +lay a folded note. Clement Searle came forward, staring a little +and startled, I think, by some quick nervous prevision of a +catastrophe. The butler applied the match to the train. He +advanced to my fellow visitor, all solemnly, with the offer of +his missive. Mr. Searle made a movement as if to spring forward, +but controlled himself. "Tottenham!" he called in a strident +voice. + +"Yes, sir!" said Tottenham, halting. + +"Stand where you are. For whom is that note?" + +"For Mr. Clement Searle," said the butler, staring straight +before him and dissociating himself from everything. + +"Who gave it to you?" + +"Mrs. Horridge, sir." This personage, I afterwards learned, was +our friend the housekeeper. + +"Who gave it Mrs. Horridge?" + +There was on Tottenham's part just an infinitesimal pause before +replying. + +"My dear sir," broke in Searle, his equilibrium, his ancient +ease, completely restored by the crisis, "isn't that rather my +business?" + +"What happens in my house is my business, and detestable things +seem to be happening." Our host, it was clear, now so furiously +detested them that I was afraid he would snatch the bone of +contention without more ceremony. "Bring me that thing!" he +cried; on which Tottenham stiffly moved to obey. + +"Really this is too much!" broke out my companion, affronted and +helpless. + +So indeed it struck me, and before Mr. Searle had time to take +the note I possessed myself of it. "If you've no consideration +for your sister let a stranger at least act for her." And I tore +the disputed object into a dozen pieces. + +"In the name of decency, what does this horrid business mean?" my +companion quavered. + +Mr. Searle was about to open fire on him, but at that moment our +hostess appeared on the staircase, summoned evidently by our +high-pitched contentious voices. She had exchanged her dinner- +dress for a dark wrapper, removed her ornaments and begun to +disarrange her hair, a thick tress of which escaped from the +comb. She hurried down with a pale questioning face. Feeling +distinctly that, for ourselves, immediate departure was in the +air, and divining Mr. Tottenham to be a person of a few deep- +seated instincts and of much latent energy, I seized the +opportunity to request him, sotto voce, to send a carriage to the +door without delay. "And put up our things," I added. + +Our host rushed at his sister and grabbed the white wrist that +escaped from the loose sleeve of her dress. "What was in that +note?" he quite hissed at her. + +Miss Searle looked first at its scattered fragments and then at +her cousin. "Did you read it?" + +"No, but I thank you for it!" said Searle. + +Her eyes, for an instant, communicated with his own as I think +they had never, never communicated with any other source of +meaning; then she transferred them to her brother's face, where +the sense went out of them, only to leave a dull sad patience. +But there was something even in this flat humility that seemed to +him to mock him, so that he flushed crimson with rage and spite +and flung her away. "You always were an idiot! Go to bed." + +In poor Searle's face as well the gathered serenity had been by +this time all blighted and distorted and the reflected brightness +of his happy day turned to blank confusion. "Have I been dealing +these three hours with a madman?" he woefully cried. + +"A madman, yes, if you will! A man mad with the love of his home +and the sense of its stability. I've held my tongue till now, but +you've been too much for me. Who the devil are you, and what and +why and whence?" the terrible little man continued. "From what +paradise of fools do you come that you fancy I shall make over to +you, for the asking, a part of my property and my life? I'm +forsooth, you ridiculous person, to go shares with you? Prove +your preposterous claim! There isn't THAT in it!" And he kicked +one of the bits of paper on the floor. + +Searle received this broadside gaping. Then turning away he went +and seated himself on a bench against the wall and rubbed his +forehead amazedly. I looked at my watch and listened for the +wheels of our carriage. + +But his kinsman was too launched to pull himself up. "Wasn't it +enough that you should have plotted against my rights? Need you +have come into my very house to intrigue with my sister?" + +My friend put his two hands to his face. "Oh, oh, oh!" he groaned +while Miss Searle crossed rapidly and dropped on her knees at his +side. + +"Go to bed, you fool!" shrieked her brother. + +"Dear cousin," she said, "it's cruel you're to have so to think +of us!" + +"Oh I shall think of YOU as you'd like!" He laid a hand on her +head. + +"I believe you've done nothing wrong," she brought bravely out. + +"I've done what I could," Mr. Searle went on--"but it's arrant +folly to pretend to friendship when this abomination lies between +us. You were welcome to my meat and my wine, but I wonder you +could swallow them. The sight spoiled MY appetite!" cried the +master of Lackley with a laugh. "Proceed with your trumpery case! +My people in London are instructed and prepared." + +"I shouldn't wonder if your case had improved a good deal since +you gave it up," I was moved to observe to Searle. + +"Oho! you don't feign ignorance then?" and our insane entertainer +shook his shining head at me. "It's very kind of you to give it +up! Perhaps you'll also give up my sister!" + +Searle sat staring in distress at his adversary. "Ah miserable +man--I thought we had become such beautiful friends." + +"Boh, you hypocrite!" screamed our host. + +Searle seemed not to hear him. "Am I seriously expected," he +slowly and painfully pursued, "to defend myself against the +accusation of any real indelicacy--to prove I've done nothing +underhand or impudent? Think what you please!" And he rose, with +an effort, to his feet. "I know what YOU think!" he added to Miss +Searle. + +The wheels of the carriage resounded on the gravel, and at the +same moment a footman descended with our two portmanteaux. Mr. +Tottenham followed him with our hats and coats. + +"Good God," our host broke out again, "you're not going away?"-- +an ejaculation that, after all that had happened, had the +grandest comicality. "Bless my soul," he then remarked as +artlessly, "of course you're going!" + +"It's perhaps well," said Miss Searle with a great effort, +inexpressibly touching in one for whom great efforts were visibly +new and strange, "that I should tell you what my poor little note +contained." + +"That matter of your note, madam," her brother interrupted, "you +and I will settle together!" + +"Let me imagine all sorts of kind things!" Searle beautifully +pleaded. + +"Ah too much has been imagined!" she answered simply. "It was +only a word of warning. It was to tell you to go. I knew +something painful was coming." + +He took his hat. "The pains and the pleasures of this day," he +said to his kinsman, "I shall equally never forget. Knowing you," +and he offered his hand to Miss Searle, "has been the pleasure of +pleasures. I hoped something more might have come of it." + +"A monstrous deal too much has come of it!" Mr. Searle +irrepressibly declared. + +His departing guest looked at him mildly, almost benignantly, +from head to foot, and then with closed eyes and some collapse of +strength, "I'm afraid so, I can't stand more," he went on. I gave +him my arm and we crossed the threshold. As we passed out I heard +Miss Searle break into loud weeping. + +"We shall hear from each other yet, I take it!" her brother +pursued, harassing our retreat. + +My friend stopped, turning round on him fiercely. "You very +impossible man!" he cried in his face. + +"Do you mean to say you'll not prosecute?" Mr. Searle kept it up. +"I shall force you to prosecute! I shall drag you into court, and +you shall be beaten--beaten--beaten!" Which grim reiteration +followed us on our course. + +We drove of course to the little wayside inn from which we had +departed in the morning so unencumbered, in all broad England, +either with enemies or friends. My companion, as the carriage +rolled along, seemed overwhelmed and exhausted. "What a beautiful +horrible dream!" he confusedly wailed. "What a strange awakening! +What a long long day! What a hideous scene! Poor me! Poor woman!" +When we had resumed possession of our two little neighbouring +rooms I asked him whether Miss Searle's note had been the result +of anything that had passed between them on his going to rejoin +her. "I found her on the terrace," he said, "walking restlessly +up and down in the moonlight. I was greatly excited--I hardly +know what I said. I asked her, I think, if she knew the story of +Margaret Searle. She seemed frightened and troubled, and she used +just the words her brother had used--'I know nothing.' For the +moment, somehow, I felt as a man drunk. I stood before her and +told her, with great emphasis, how poor Margaret had married a +beggarly foreigner--all in obedience to her heart and in defiance +to her family. As I talked the sheeted moonlight seemed to close +about us, so that we stood there in a dream, in a world quite +detached. She grew younger, prettier, more attractive--I found +myself talking all kinds of nonsense. Before I knew it I had gone +very far. I was taking her hand and calling her 'Margaret, dear +Margaret!' She had said it was impossible, that she could do +nothing, that she was a fool, a child, a slave. Then with a +sudden sense--it was odd how it came over me there--of the +reality of my connexion with the place, I spoke of my claim +against the estate. 'It exists,' I declared, 'but I've given it +up. Be generous! Pay me for my sacrifice.' For an instant her +face was radiant. 'If I marry you,' she asked, 'will it make +everything right?' Of that I at once assured her--in our marriage +the whole difficulty would melt away like a rain-drop in the +great sea. 'Our marriage!' she repeated in wonder; and the deep +ring of her voice seemed to wake us up and show us our folly. 'I +love you, but I shall never see you again,' she cried; and she +hurried away with her face in her hands. I walked up and down the +terrace for some moments, and then came in and met you. That's +the only witchcraft I've used!" + +The poor man was at once so roused and so shaken by the day's +events that I believed he would get little sleep. Conscious on my +own part that I shouldn't close my eyes, I but partly undressed, +stirred my fire and sat down to do some writing. I heard the +great clock in the little parlour below strike twelve, one, half- +past one. Just as the vibration of this last stroke was dying on +the air the door of communication with Searle's room was flung +open and my companion stood on the threshold, pale as a corpse, +in his nightshirt, shining like a phantom against the darkness +behind him. "Look well at me!" he intensely gasped; "touch me, +embrace me, revere me! You see a man who has seen a ghost!" + +"Gracious goodness, what do you mean?" + +"Write it down!" he went on. "There, take your pen. Put it into +dreadful words. How do I look? Am I human? Am I pale? Am I red? +Am I speaking English? A ghost, sir! Do you understand?" + +I confess there came upon me by contact a kind of supernatural +shock. I shall always feel by the whole communication of it that +I too have seen a ghost. My first movement--I can smile at it now +--was to spring to the door, close it quickly and turn the key +upon the gaping blackness from which Searle had emerged. I seized +his two hands; they were wet with perspiration. I pushed my chair +to the fire and forced him to sit down in it; then I got on my +knees and held his hands as firmly as possible. They trembled and +quivered; his eyes were fixed save that the pupil dilated and +contracted with extraordinary force. I asked no questions, but +waited there, very curious for what he would say. At last he +spoke. "I'm not frightened, but I'm--oh excited! This is life! +This is living! My nerves--my heart--my brain! They're throbbing +--don't you feel it? Do you tingle? Are you hot? Are you cold? +Hold me tight--tight--tight! I shall tremble away into waves-- +into surges--and know all the secrets of things and all the +reasons and all the mysteries!" He paused a moment and then went +on: "A woman--as clear as that candle: no, far clearer! In a blue +dress, with a black mantle on her head and a little black muff. +Young and wonderfully pretty, pale and ill; with the sadness of +all the women who ever loved and suffered pleading and accusing +in her wet-looking eyes. God knows I never did any such thing! +But she took me for my elder, for the other Clement. She came to +me here as she would have come to me there. She wrung her hands +and she spoke to me 'marry me!' she moaned; 'marry me and put an +end to my shame!' I sat up in bed, just as I sit here, looked at +her, heard her--heard her voice melt away, watched her figure +fade away. Bless us and save us! Here I be!" + +I made no attempt either to explain or to criticise this +extraordinary passage. It's enough that I yielded for the hour to +the strange force of my friend's emotion. On the whole I think my +own vision was the more interesting of the two. He beheld but the +transient irresponsible spectre--I beheld the human subject hot +from the spectral presence. Yet I soon recovered my judgement +sufficiently to be moved again to try to guard him against the +results of excitement and exposure. It was easily agreed that he +was not for the night to return to his room, and I made him +fairly comfortable in his place by my fire. Wishing above all to +preserve him from a chill I removed my bedding and wrapped him in +the blankets and counterpane. I had no nerves either for writing +or for sleep; so I put out my lights, renewed the fuel and sat +down on the opposite side of the hearth. I found it a great and +high solemnity just to watch my companion. Silent, swathed and +muffled to his chin, he sat rigid and erect with the dignity of +his adventure. For the most part his eyes were closed; though +from time to time he would open them with a steady expansion and +stare, never blinking, into the flame, as if he again beheld +without terror the image of the little woman with the muff. His +cadaverous emaciated face, his tragic wrinkles intensified by the +upward glow from the hearth, his distorted moustache, his +extraordinary gravity and a certain fantastical air as the red +light flickered over him, all re-enforced his fine likeness to +the vision-haunted knight of La Mancha when laid up after some +grand exploit. The night passed wholly without speech. Toward its +close I slept for half an hour. When I awoke the awakened birds +had begun to twitter and Searle, unperturbed, sat staring at me. +We exchanged a long look, and I felt with a pang that his +glittering eyes had tasted their last of natural sleep. "How is +it? Are you comfortable?" I nevertheless asked. + +He fixed me for a long time without replying and then spoke with +a weak extravagance and with such pauses between his words as +might have represented the slow prompting of an inner voice. "You +asked me when you first knew me what I was. 'Nothing,' I said, +'nothing of any consequence.' Nothing I've always supposed myself +to be. But I've wronged myself--I'm a great exception. I'm a +haunted man!" + +If sleep had passed out of his eyes I felt with even a deeper +pang that sanity had abandoned his spirit. From this moment I was +prepared for the worst. There were in my friend, however, such +confirmed habits of mildness that I found myself not in the least +fearing he would prove unmanageable. As morning began fully to +dawn upon us I brought our curious vigil to a close. Searle was +so enfeebled that I gave him my hands to help him out of his +chair, and he retained them for some moments after rising to his +feet, unable as he seemed to keep his balance. "Well," he said," +I've been once favoured, but don't think I shall be favoured +again. I shall soon be myself as fit to 'appear' as any of them. +I shall haunt the master of Lackley! It can only mean one thing-- +that they're getting ready for me on the other side of the +grave." + +When I touched the question of breakfast he replied that he had +his breakfast in his pocket; and he drew from his travelling-bag +a phial of morphine. He took a strong dose and went to bed. At +noon I found him on foot again, dressed, shaved, much refreshed. +"Poor fellow," he said, "you've got more than you bargained for-- +not only a man with a grievance but a man with a ghost. Well, it +won't be for long!" It had of course promptly become a question +whither we should now direct our steps. "As I've so little time," +he argued for this, "I should like to see the best, the best +alone." I answered that either for time or eternity I had always +supposed Oxford to represent the English maximum, and for Oxford +in the course of an hour we accordingly departed. + + + +IV + +Of that extraordinary place I shall not attempt to speak with any +order or indeed with any coherence. It must ever remain one of +the supreme gratifications of travel for any American aware of +the ancient pieties of race. The impression it produces, the +emotions it kindles in the mind of such a visitor, are too rich +and various to be expressed in the halting rhythm of prose. +Passing through the small oblique streets in which the long grey +battered public face of the colleges seems to watch jealously for +sounds that may break upon the stillness of study, you feel it +the most dignified and most educated of cities. Over and through +it all the great corporate fact of the University slowly throbs +after the fashion of some steady bass in a concerted piece or +that of the mediaeval mystical presence of the Empire in the old +States of Germany. The plain perpendicular of the so mildly +conventual fronts, masking blest seraglios of culture and +leisure, irritates the imagination scarce less than the harem- +walls of Eastern towns. Within their arching portals, however, +you discover more sacred and sunless courts, and the dark verdure +soothing and cooling to bookish eyes. The grey-green quadrangles +stand for ever open with a trustful hospitality. The seat of the +humanities is stronger in her own good manners than in a +marshalled host of wardens and beadles. Directly after our +arrival my friend and I wandered forth in the luminous early +dusk. We reached the bridge that under-spans the walls of +Magdalen and saw the eight-spired tower, delicately fluted and +embossed, rise in temperate beauty--the perfect prose of Gothic-- +wooing the eyes to the sky that was slowly drained of day. We +entered the low monkish doorway and stood in the dim little court +that nestles beneath the tower, where the swallows niche more +lovingly in the tangled ivy than elsewhere in Oxford, and passed +into the quiet cloister and studied the small sculptured monsters +on the entablature of the arcade. I rejoiced in every one of my +unhappy friend's responsive vibrations, even while feeling that +they might as direfully multiply as those that had preceded them. +I may say that from this time forward I found it difficult to +distinguish in his company between the riot of fancy and the +labour of thought, or to fix the balance between what he saw and +what he imagined. He had already begun playfully to exchange his +identity for that of the earlier Clement Searle, and he now +delivered himself almost wholly in the character of his old-time +kinsman. + +"THIS was my college, you know," he would almost anywhere break +out, applying the words wherever we stood--"the sweetest and +noblest in the whole place. How often have I strolled in this +cloister with my intimates of the other world! They are all dead +and buried, but many a young fellow as we meet him, dark or fair, +tall or short, reminds me of the past age and the early +attachment. Even as we stand here, they say, the whole thing +feels about its massive base the murmurs of the tide of time; +some of the foundation-stones are loosened, some of the breaches +will have to be repaired. Mine was the old unregenerate Oxford, +the home of rank abuses, of distinctions and privileges the most +delicious and invidious. What cared I, who was a perfect +gentleman and with my pockets full of money? I had an allowance +of a thousand a year." + +It was at once plain to me that he had lost the little that +remained of his direct grasp on life and was unequal to any +effort of seeing things in their order. He read my apprehension +in my eyes and took pains to assure me I was right. "I'm going +straight down hill. Thank heaven it's an easy slope, coated with +English turf and with an English churchyard at the foot." The +hysterical emotion produced by our late dire misadventure had +given place to an unruffled calm in which the scene about us was +reflected as in an old-fashioned mirror. We took an afternoon +walk through Christ-Church meadow and at the river-bank procured +a boat which I pulled down the stream to Iffley and to the +slanting woods of Nuneham--the sweetest flattest reediest stream- +side landscape that could be desired. Here of course we +encountered the scattered phalanx of the young, the happy +generation, clad in white flannel and blue, muscular fair-haired +magnificent fresh, whether floated down the current by idle punts +and lounging in friendly couples when not in a singleness that +nursed ambitions, or straining together in rhythmic crews and +hoarsely exhorted from the near bank. When to the exhibition of +so much of the clearest joy of wind and limb we added the great +sense of perfumed protection shed by all the enclosed lawns and +groves and bowers, we felt that to be young in such scholastic +shades must be a double, an infinite blessing. As my companion +found himself less and less able to walk we repaired in turn to a +series of gardens and spent long hours sitting in their greenest +places. They struck us as the fairest things in England and the +ripest and sweetest fruit of the English system. Locked in their +antique verdure, guarded, as in the case of New College, by +gentle battlements of silver-grey, outshouldering the matted +leafage of undisseverable plants, filled with nightingales and +memories, a sort of chorus of tradition; with vaguely-generous +youths sprawling bookishly on the turf as if to spare it the +injury of their boot-heels, and with the great conservative +college countenance appealing gravely from the restless outer +world, they seem places to lie down on the grass in for ever, in +the happy faith that life is all a green old English garden and +time an endless summer afternoon. This charmed seclusion was +especially grateful to my friend, and his sense of it reached its +climax, I remember, on one of the last of such occasions and +while we sat in fascinated flanerie over against the sturdy back +of Saint John's. The wide discreetly-windowed wall here perhaps +broods upon the lawn with a more effective air of property than +elsewhere. Searle dropped into fitful talk and spun his humour +into golden figures. Any passing undergraduate was a peg to hang +a fable, every feature of the place a pretext for more +embroidery. + +"Isn't it all a delightful lie?" he wanted to know. "Mightn't one +fancy this the very central point of the world's heart, where all +the echoes of the general life arrive but to falter and die? +Doesn't one feel the air just thick with arrested voices? It's +well there should be such places, shaped in the interest of +factitious needs, invented to minister to the book-begotten +longing for a medium in which one may dream unwaked and believe +unconfuted; to foster the sweet illusion that all's well in a +world where so much is so damnable, all right and rounded, smooth +and fair, in this sphere of the rough and ragged, the pitiful +unachieved especially, and the dreadful uncommenced. The world's +made--work's over. Now for leisure! England's safe--now for +Theocritus and Horace, for lawn and sky! What a sense it all +gives one of the composite life of the country and of the +essential furniture of its luckier minds! Thank heaven they had +the wit to send me here in the other time. I'm not much visibly +the braver perhaps, but think how I'm the happier! The misty +spires and towers, seen far off on the level, have been all these +years one of the constant things of memory. Seriously, what do +the spires and towers do for these people? Are they wiser, +gentler, finer, cleverer? My diminished dignity reverts in any +case at moments to the naked background of our own education, the +deadly dry air in which we gasp for impressions and comparisons. +I assent to it all with a sort of desperate calmness; I accept it +with a dogged pride. We're nursed at the opposite pole. Naked +come we into a naked world. There's a certain grandeur in the +lack of decorations, a certain heroic strain in that young +imagination of ours which finds nothing made to its hands, which +has to invent its own traditions and raise high into our morning- +air, with a ringing hammer and nails, the castles in which we +dwell. Noblesse oblige--Oxford must damnably do so. What a +horrible thing not to rise to such examples! If you pay the pious +debt to the last farthing of interest you may go through life +with her blessing; but if you let it stand unhonoured you're a +worse barbarian than we! But for the better or worse, in a myriad +private hearts, think how she must be loved! How the youthful +sentiment of mankind seems visibly to brood upon her! Think of +the young lives now taking colour in her cloisters and halls. +Think of the centuries' tale of dead lads--dead alike with the +end of the young days to which these haunts were a present world, +and the close of the larger lives which the general mother-scene +has dropped into less bottomless traps. What are those two young +fellows kicking their heels over on the grass there? One of them +has the Saturday Review; the other--upon my soul--the other has +Artemus Ward! Where do they live, how do they live, to what end +do they live? Miserable boys! How can they read Artemus Ward +under those windows of Elizabeth? What do you think loveliest in +all Oxford? The poetry of certain windows. Do you see that one +yonder, the second of those lesser bays, with the broken cornice +and the lattice? That used to be the window of my bosom friend a +hundred years ago. Remind me to tell you the story of that broken +cornice. Don't pretend it's not a common thing to have one's +bosom friend at another college. Pray was I committed to common +things? He was a charming fellow. By the way, he was a good deal +like you. Of course his cocked hat, his long hair in a black +ribbon, his cinnamon velvet suit and his flowered waistcoat made +a difference. We gentlemen used to wear swords." + +There was really the touch of grace in my poor friend's +divagations--the disheartened dandy had so positively turned +rhapsodist and seer. I was particularly struck with his having +laid aside the diffidence and self-consciousness of the first +days of our acquaintance. He had become by this time a +disembodied observer and critic; the shell of sense, growing +daily thinner and more transparent, transmitted the tremor of his +quickened spirit. He seemed to pick up acquaintances, in the +course of our contemplations, merely by putting out his hand. If +I left him for ten minutes I was sure to find him on my return in +earnest conversation with some affable wandering scholar. Several +young men with whom he had thus established relations invited him +to their rooms and entertained him, as I gathered, with rather +rash hospitality. For myself, I chose not to be present at these +symposia; I shrank partly from being held in any degree +responsible for his extravagance, partly from the pang of seeing +him yield to champagne and an admiring circle. He reported such +adventures with less keen a complacency than I had supposed he +might use, but a certain method in his madness, a certain dignity +in his desire to fraternise, appeared to save him from mischance. +If they didn't think him a harmless lunatic they certainly +thought him a celebrity of the Occident. Two things, however, +grew evident--that he drank deeper than was good for him and that +the flagrant freshness of his young patrons rather interfered +with his predetermined sense of the element of finer romance. At +the same time it completed his knowledge of the place. Making the +acquaintance of several tutors and fellows, he dined in hall in +half a dozen colleges, alluding afterwards to these banquets with +religious unction. One evening after a participation indiscreetly +prolonged he came back to the hotel in a cab, accompanied by a +friendly undergraduate and a physician and looking deadly pale. +He had swooned away on leaving table and remained so rigidly +unconscious as much to agitate his banqueters. The following +twenty-four hours he of course spent in bed, but on the third day +declared himself strong enough to begin afresh. On his reaching +the street his strength once more forsook him, so that I insisted +on his returning to his room. He besought me with tears in his +eyes not to shut him up. "It's my last chance--I want to go back +for an hour to that garden of Saint John's. Let me eat and drink +--to-morrow I die." It seemed to me possible that with a Bath- +chair the expedition might be accomplished. The hotel, it +appeared, possessed such a convenience, which was immediately +produced. It became necessary hereupon that we should have a +person to propel the chair. As there was no one on the spot at +liberty I was about to perform the office; but just as my patient +had got seated and wrapped--he now had a perpetual chill--an +elderly man emerged from a lurking-place near the door and, with +a formal salute, offered to wait upon the gentleman. We assented, +and he proceeded solemnly to trundle the chair before him. I +recognised him as a vague personage whom I had observed to lounge +shyly about the doors of the hotels, at intervals during our +stay, with a depressed air of wanting employment and a poor +semblance of finding it. He had once indeed in a half-hearted way +proposed himself as an amateur cicerone for a tour through the +colleges; and I now, as I looked at him, remembered with a pang +that I had too curtly declined his ministrations. Since then his +shyness, apparently, had grown less or his misery greater, for it +was with a strange grim avidity that he now attached himself to +our service. He was a pitiful image of shabby gentility and the +dinginess of "reduced circumstances." He would have been, I +suppose, some fifty years of age; but his pale haggard +unwholesome visage, his plaintive drooping carriage and the +irremediable disarray of his apparel seemed to add to the burden +of his days and tribulations. His eyes were weak and bloodshot, +his bold nose was sadly compromised, and his reddish beard, +largely streaked with grey, bristled under a month's neglect of +the razor. In all this rusty forlornness lurked a visible +assurance of our friend's having known better days. Obviously he +was the victim of some fatal depreciation in the market value of +pure gentility. There had been something terribly affecting in +the way he substituted for the attempt to touch the greasy rim of +his antiquated hat some such bow as one man of the world might +make another. Exchanging a few words with him as we went I was +struck with the decorum of his accent. His fine whole voice +should have been congruously cracked. + +"Take me by some long roundabout way," said Searle, "so that I +may see as many college-walls as possible." + +"You know," I asked of our attendant, "all these wonderful ins +and outs?" + +"I ought to, sir," he said, after a moment, with pregnant +gravity. And as we were passing one of the colleges, "That used +to be my place," he added. + +At these words Searle desired him to stop and come round within +sight. "You say that's YOUR college?" + +"The place might deny me, sir; but heaven forbid I should seem to +take it ill of her. If you'll allow me to wheel you into the quad +I'll show you my windows of thirty years ago." + +Searle sat staring, his huge pale eyes, which now left nothing +else worth mentioning in his wasted face, filled with wonder and +pity. "If you'll be so kind," he said with great deference. But +just as this perverted product of a liberal education was about +to propel him across the threshold of the court he turned about, +disengaged the mercenary hands, with one of his own, from the +back of the chair, drew their owner alongside and turned to me. +"While we're here, my dear fellow," he said, "be so good as to +perform this service. You understand?" I gave our companion a +glance of intelligence and we resumed our way. The latter showed +us his window of the better time, where a rosy youth in a scarlet +smoking-fez now puffed a cigarette at the open casement. Thence +we proceeded into the small garden, the smallest, I believe, and +certainly the sweetest, of all the planted places of Oxford. I +pushed the chair along to a bench on the lawn, turned it round, +toward the front of the college and sat down by it on the grass. +Our attendant shifted mournfully from one foot to the other, his +patron eyeing him open-mouthed. At length Searle broke out: "God +bless my soul, sir, you don't suppose I expect you to stand! +There's an empty bench." + +"Thank you," said our friend, who bent his joints to sit. + +"You English are really fabulous! I don't know whether I most +admire or most abominate you! Now tell me: who are you? what are +you? what brought you to this?" + +The poor fellow blushed up to his eyes, took off his hat and +wiped his forehead with an indescribable fabric drawn from his +pocket. "My name's Rawson, sir. Beyond that it's a long story." + +"I ask out of sympathy," said Searle. "I've a fellow-feeling. If +you're a poor devil I'm a poor devil as well." + +"I'm the poorer devil of the two," said the stranger with an +assurance for once presumptuous. + +"Possibly. I suppose an English poor devil's the poorest of all +poor devils. And then you've fallen from a height. From a +gentleman commoner--is that what they called you?--to a propeller +of Bath-chairs. Good heavens, man, the fall's enough to kill +you!" + +"I didn't take it all at once, sir. I dropped a bit one time and +a bit another." + +"That's me, that's me!" cried Searle with all his seriousness. + +"And now," said our friend, "I believe I can't drop any further." + +"My dear fellow"--and Searle clasped his hand and shook it--"I +too am at the very bottom of the hole." + +Mr. Rawson lifted his eyebrows. "Well, sir, there's a difference +between sitting in such a pleasant convenience and just trudging +behind it!" + +"Yes--there's a shade. But I'm at my last gasp, Mr. Rawson." + +"I'm at my last penny, sir." + +"Literally, Mr. Rawson?" + +Mr. Rawson shook his head with large loose bitterness. "I've +almost come to the point of drinking my beer and buttoning my +coat figuratively; but I don't talk in figures." + +Fearing the conversation might appear to achieve something like +gaiety at the expense of Mr. Rawson's troubles, I took the +liberty of asking him, with all consideration, how he made a +living. + +"I don't make a living," he answered with tearful eyes; "I can't +make a living. I've a wife and three children--and all starving, +sir. You wouldn't believe what I've come to. I sent my wife to +her mother's, who can ill afford to keep her, and came to Oxford +a week ago, thinking I might pick up a few half-crowns by showing +people about the colleges. But it's no use. I haven't the +assurance. I don't look decent. They want a nice little old man +with black gloves and a clean shirt and a silver-headed stick. +What do I look as if I knew about Oxford, sir?" + +"Mercy on us," cried Searle, "why didn't you speak to us before?" + +"I wanted to; half a dozen times I've been on the point of it. I +knew you were Americans." + +"And Americans are rich!" cried Searle, laughing. "My dear Mr. +Rawson, American as I am I'm living on charity." + +"And I'm exactly not, sir! There it is. I'm dying for the lack of +that same. You say you're a pauper, but it takes an American +pauper to go bowling about in a Bath-chair. America's an easy +country." + +"Ah me!" groaned Searle. "Have I come to the most delicious +corner of the ancient world to hear the praise of Yankeeland?" + +"Delicious corners are very well, and so is the ancient world," +said Mr. Rawson; "but one may sit here hungry and shabby, so long +as one isn't too shabby, as well as elsewhere. You'll not +persuade me that it's not an easier thing to keep afloat yonder +than here. I wish _I_ were in Yankeeland, that's all!" he added +with feeble force. Then brooding for a moment on his wrongs: +"Have you a bloated brother? or you, sir? It matters little to +you. But it has mattered to me with a vengeance! Shabby as I sit +here I can boast that advantage--as he his five thousand a year. +Being but a twelvemonth my elder he swaggers while I go thus. +There's old England for you! A very pretty place for HIM!" + +"Poor old England!" said Searle softly. + +"Has your brother never helped you?" I asked. + +"A five-pound note now and then! Oh I don't say there haven't +been times when I haven't inspired an irresistible sympathy. I've +not been what I should. I married dreadfully out of the way. But +the devil of it is that he started fair and I started foul; with +the tastes, the desires, the needs, the sensibilities of a +gentleman--and not another blessed 'tip.' I can't afford to live +in England." + +"THIS poor gentleman fancied a couple of months ago that he +couldn't afford to live in America," I fondly explained. + +"I'd 'swap'--do you call it?--chances with him!" And Mr. Rawson +looked quaintly rueful over his freedom of speech. + +Searle sat supported there with his eyes closed and his face +twitching for violent emotion, and then of a sudden had a glare +of gravity. "My friend, you're a dead failure! Be judged! Don't +talk about 'swapping.' Don't talk about chances. Don't talk about +fair starts and false starts. I'm at that point myself that I've +a right to speak. It lies neither in one's chance nor one's start +to make one a success; nor in anything one's brother--however +bloated--can do or can undo. It lies in one's character. You and +I, sir, have HAD no character--that's very plain. We've been +weak, sir; as weak as water. Here we are for it--sitting staring +in each other's faces and reading our weakness in each other's +eyes. We're of no importance whatever, Mr. Rawson!" + +Mr. Rawson received this sally with a countenance in which abject +submission to the particular affirmed truth struggled with the +comparative propriety of his general rebellion against fate. In +the course of a minute a due self-respect yielded to the warm +comfortable sense of his being relieved of the cares of an +attitude. "Go on, sir, go on," he said. "It's wholesome +doctrine." And he wiped his eyes with what seemed his sole +remnant of linen. + +"Dear, dear," sighed Searle, "I've made you cry! Well, we speak +as from man to man. I should be glad to think you had felt for a +moment the side-light of that great undarkening of the spirit +which precedes--which precedes the grand illumination of death." + +Mr. Rawson sat silent a little, his eyes fixed on the ground and +his well-cut nose but the more deeply dyed by his agitation. Then +at last looking up: "You're a very good-natured man, sir, and +you'll never persuade me you don't come of a kindly race. Say +what you please about a chance; when a man's fifty--degraded, +penniless, a husband and father--a chance to get on his legs +again is not to be despised. Something tells me that my luck may +be in your country--which has brought luck to so many. I can come +on the parish here of course, but I don't want to come on the +parish. Hang it, sir, I want to hold up my head. I see thirty +years of life before me yet. If only by God's help I could have a +real change of air! It's a fixed idea of mine. I've had it for +the last ten years. It's not that I'm a low radical. Oh I've no +vulgar opinions. Old England's good enough for me, but I'm not +good enough for old England. I'm a shabby man that wants to get +out of a room full of staring gentlefolk. I'm for ever put to the +blush. It's a perfect agony of spirit; everything reminds me of +my younger and better self. The thing for me would be a cooling +cleansing plunge into the unknowing and the unknown! I lie awake +thinking of it." + +Searle closed his eyes, shivering with a long-drawn tremor which +I hardly knew whether to take for an expression of physical or of +mental pain. In a moment I saw it was neither. "Oh my country, my +country, my country!" he murmured in a broken voice; and then sat +for some time abstracted and lost. I signalled our companion that +it was time we should bring our small session to a close, and he, +without hesitating, possessed himself of the handle of the Bath- +chair and pushed it before him. We had got halfway home before +Searle spoke or moved. Suddenly in the High Street, as we passed +a chop-house from whose open doors we caught a waft of old- +fashioned cookery and other restorative elements, he motioned us +to halt. "This is my last five pounds"--and he drew a note from +his pocket-book. "Do me the favour, Mr. Rawson, to accept it. Go +in there and order the best dinner they can give you. Call for a +bottle of Burgundy and drink it to my eternal rest!" + +Mr. Rawson stiffened himself up and received the gift with +fingers momentarily irresponsive. But Mr. Rawson had the nerves +of a gentleman. I measured the spasm with which his poor +dispossessed hand closed upon the crisp paper, I observed his +empurpled nostril convulsive under the other solicitation. He +crushed the crackling note in his palm with a passionate pressure +and jerked a spasmodic bow. "I shall not do you the wrong, sir, +of anything but the best!" The next moment the door swung behind +him. + +Searle sank again into his apathy, and on reaching the hotel I +helped him to get to bed. For the rest of the day he lay without +motion or sound and beyond reach of any appeal. The doctor, whom +I had constantly in attendance, was sure his end was near. He +expressed great surprise that he should have lasted so long; he +must have been living for a month on the very dregs of his +strength. Toward evening, as I sat by his bedside in the +deepening dusk, he roused himself with a purpose I had vaguely +felt gathering beneath his stupor. "My cousin, my cousin," he +said confusedly. "Is she here?" It was the first time he had +spoken of Miss Searle since our retreat from her brother's house, +and he continued to ramble. "I was to have married her. What a +dream! That day was like a string of verses--rhymed hours. But +the last verse is bad measure. What's the rhyme to 'love'? ABOVE! +Was she a simple woman, a kind sweet woman? Or have I only +dreamed it? She had the healing gift; her touch would have cured +my madness. I want you to do something. Write three lines, three +words: 'Good-bye; remember me; be happy.'" And then after a long +pause: "It's strange a person in my state should have a wish. Why +should one eat one's breakfast the day one's hanged? What a +creature is man! What a farce is life! Here I lie, worn down to a +mere throbbing fever-point; I breathe and nothing more, and yet I +DESIRE! My desire lives. If I could see her! Help me out with it +and let me die." + +Half an hour later, at a venture, I dispatched by post a note to +Miss Searle: "Your cousin is rapidly sinking. He asks to see +you." I was conscious of a certain want of consideration in this +act, since it would bring her great trouble and yet no power to +face the trouble; but out of her distress I fondly hoped a +sufficient force might be born. On the following day my friend's +exhaustion had become so great that I began to fear his +intelligence altogether broken up. But toward evening he briefly +rallied, to maunder about many things, confounding in a sinister +jumble the memories of the past weeks and those of bygone years. +"By the way," he said suddenly, "I've made no will. I haven't +much to bequeath. Yet I have something." He had been playing +listlessly with a large signet-ring on his left hand, which he +now tried to draw off. "I leave you this"--working it round and +round vainly--"if you can get it off. What enormous knuckles! +There must be such knuckles in the mummies of the Pharaohs. Well, +when I'm gone--! No, I leave you something more precious than +gold--the sense of a great kindness. But I've a little gold left. +Bring me those trinkets." I placed on the bed before him several +articles of jewellery, relics of early foppery: his watch and +chain, of great value, a locket and seal, some odds and ends of +goldsmith's work. He trifled with them feebly for some moments, +murmuring various names and dates associated with them. At last, +looking up with clearer interest, "What has become," he asked, +"of Mr. Rawson?" + +"You want to see him?" + +"How much are these things worth?" he went on without heeding me. +"How much would they bring?" And he weighed them in his weak +hands. "They're pretty heavy. Some hundred or so? Oh I'm richer +than I thought! Rawson--Rawson--you want to get out of this awful +England?" + +I stepped to the door and requested the servant whom I kept in +constant attendance in our adjacent sitting-room to send and +ascertain if Mr. Rawson were on the premises. He returned in a +few moments, introducing our dismal friend. Mr. Rawson was pale +even to his nose and derived from his unaffectedly concerned +state an air of some distinction. I led him up to the bed. In +Searle's eyes, as they fell on him, there shone for a moment the +light of a human message. + +"Lord have mercy!" gasped Mr. Rawson. + +"My friend," said Searle, "there's to be one American the less-- +so let there be at the same time one the more. At the worst +you'll be as good a one as I. Foolish me! Take these battered +relics; you can sell them; let them help you on your way. They're +gifts and mementoes, but this is a better use. Heaven speed you! +May America be kind to you. Be kind, at the last, to your own +country!" + +"Really this is too much; I can't," the poor man protested, +almost scared and with tears in his eyes. "Do come round and get +well and I'll stop here. I'll stay with you and wait on you." + +"No, I'm booked for my journey, you for yours. I hope you don't +mind the voyage." + +Mr. Rawson exhaled a groan of helpless gratitude, appealing +piteously from so strange a windfall. "It's like the angel of the +Lord who bids people in the Bible to rise and flee!" + +Searle had sunk back upon his pillow, quite used up; I led Mr. +Rawson back into the sitting-room, where in three words I +proposed to him a rough valuation of our friend's trinkets. He +assented with perfect good-breeding; they passed into my +possession and a second bank-note into his. + +From the collapse into which this wondrous exercise of his +imagination had plunged him my charge then gave few signs of +being likely to emerge. He breathed, as he had said, and nothing +more. The twilight deepened; I lighted the night-lamp. The doctor +sat silent and official at the foot of the bed; I resumed my +constant place near the head. Suddenly our patient opened his +eyes wide. "She'll not come," he murmured. "Amen! she's an +English sister." Five minutes passed; he started forward. "She's +come, she's here!" he confidently quavered. His words conveyed to +my mind so absolute an assurance that I lightly rose and passed +into the sitting-room. At the same moment, through the opposite +door, the servant introduced a lady. A lady, I say; for an +instant she was simply such--tall pale dressed in deep mourning. +The next instant I had uttered her name--"Miss Searle!" She +looked ten years older. + +She met me with both hands extended and an immense question in +her face. "He has just announced you," I said. And then with a +fuller consciousness of the change in her dress and countenance: +"What has happened?" + +"Oh death, death!" she wailed. "You and I are left." + +There came to me with her words a sickening shock, the sense of +poetic justice somehow cheated, defeated. "Your brother?" I +panted. + +She laid her hand on my arm and I felt its pressure deepen as she +spoke. "He was thrown from his horse in the park. He died on the +spot. Six days have passed. Six months!" + +She accepted my support and a moment later we had entered the +room and approached the bedside, from which the doctor withdrew. +Searle opened his eyes and looked at her from head to foot. +Suddenly he seemed to make out her mourning. "Already!" he cried +audibly and with a smile, as I felt, of pleasure. + +She dropped on her knees and took his hand. "Not for you, +cousin," she whispered. "For my poor brother." + +He started, in all his deathly longitude, as with a galvanic +shock. "Dead! HE dead! Life itself!" And then after a moment and +with a slight rising inflexion: "You're free?" + +"Free, cousin. Too sadly free. And now--NOW--with what use for +freedom?" + +He looked steadily into her eyes, dark in the heavy shadow of her +musty mourning-veil. "For me wear colours!" + +In a moment more death had come, the doctor had silently attested +it, and she had burst into sobs. + +We buried him in the little churchyard in which he had expressed +the wish to lie; beneath one of the blackest and widest of +English yews and the little tower than which none in all England +has a softer and hoarier grey. A year has passed; Miss Searle, I +believe, has begun to wear colours. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Passionate Pilgrim, by Henry James + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PASSIONATE PILGRIM *** + +This file should be named passp10.txt or passp10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, passp11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, passp10a.txt + +Produced by Eve Sobol + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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