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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +A Sentimental Journey by Laurence Sterne +Scanned and proofed by David Price +ccx074@coventry.ac.uk + + + +This is version senjr09 because all the italicized words in the +text are still CAPITALIZED, and we hope to leave only the words +capitialized that were for EMPHASIS in senjr10. . .Michael Hart + + + + + +A SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY THROUGH FRANCE AND ITALY + + + + +THEY order, said I, this matter better in France. - You have been +in France? said my gentleman, turning quick upon me, with the most +civil triumph in the world. - Strange! quoth I, debating the matter +with myself, That one and twenty miles sailing, for 'tis absolutely +no further from Dover to Calais, should give a man these rights: - +I'll look into them: so, giving up the argument, - I went straight +to my lodgings, put up half a dozen shirts and a black pair of silk +breeches, - "the coat I have on," said I, looking at the sleeve, +"will do;" - took a place in the Dover stage; and the packet +sailing at nine the next morning, - by three I had got sat down to +my dinner upon a fricaseed chicken, so incontestably in France, +that had I died that night of an indigestion, the whole world could +not have suspended the effects of the DROITS D'AUBAINE; - my +shirts, and black pair of silk breeches, - portmanteau and all, +must have gone to the King of France; - even the little picture +which I have so long worn, and so often have told thee, Eliza, I +would carry with me into my grave, would have been torn from my +neck! - Ungenerous! to seize upon the wreck of an unwary passenger, +whom your subjects had beckoned to their coast! - By heaven! Sire, +it is not well done; and much does it grieve me, 'tis the monarch +of a people so civilized and courteous, and so renowned for +sentiment and fine feelings, that I have to reason with! - + +But I have scarce set a foot in your dominions. - + + +CALAIS. + + +WHEN I had fished my dinner, and drank the King of France's health, +to satisfy my mind that I bore him no spleen, but, on the contrary, +high honour for the humanity of his temper, - I rose up an inch +taller for the accommodation. + +- No - said I - the Bourbon is by no means a cruel race: they may +be misled, like other people; but there is a mildness in their +blood. As I acknowledged this, I felt a suffusion of a finer kind +upon my cheek - more warm and friendly to man, than what Burgundy +(at least of two livres a bottle, which was such as I had been +drinking) could have produced. + +- Just God! said I, kicking my portmanteau aside, what is there in +this world's goods which should sharpen our spirits, and make so +many kind-hearted brethren of us fall out so cruelly as we do by +the way? + +When man is at peace with man, how much lighter than a feather is +the heaviest of metals in his hand! he pulls out his purse, and +holding it airily and uncompressed, looks round him, as if he +sought for an object to share it with. - In doing this, I felt +every vessel in my frame dilate, - the arteries beat all cheerily +together, and every power which sustained life, performed it with +so little friction, that 'twould have confounded the most PHYSICAL +PRECIEUSE in France; with all her materialism, she could scarce +have called me a machine. - + +I'm confident, said I to myself, I should have overset her creed. + +The accession of that idea carried nature, at that time, as high as +she could go; - I was at peace with the world before, and this +finish'd the treaty with myself. - + +- Now, was I King of France, cried I - what a moment for an orphan +to have begg'd his father's portmanteau of me! + + +THE MONK. CALAIS. + + +I HAD scarce uttered the words, when a poor monk of the order of +St. Francis came into the room to beg something for a his convent. +No man cares to have his virtues the sport of contingencies - or +one man may be generous, as another is puissant; - SED NON QUOAD +HANC - or be it as it may, - for there is no regular reasoning upon +the ebbs and flows of our humours; they may depend upon the same +causes, for aught I know, which influence the tides themselves: +'twould oft be no discredit to us, to suppose it was so: I'm sure +at least for myself, that in many a case I should be more highly +satisfied, to have it said by the world, "I had had an affair with +the moon, in which there was neither sin nor shame," than have it +pass altogether as my own act and deed, wherein there was so much +of both. + +- But, be this as it may, - the moment I cast my eyes upon him, I +was predetermined not to give him a single sous; and, accordingly, +I put my purse into my pocket - buttoned it - set myself a little +more upon my centre, and advanced up gravely to him; there was +something, I fear, forbidding in my look: I have his figure this +moment before my eyes, and think there was that in it which +deserved better. + +The monk, as I judged by the break in his tonsure, a few scattered +white hairs upon his temples, being all that remained of it, might +be about seventy; - but from his eyes, and that sort of fire which +was in them, which seemed more temper'd by courtesy than years, +could be no more than sixty: - Truth might lie between - He was +certainly sixty-five; and the general air of his countenance, +notwithstanding something seem'd to have been planting-wrinkles in +it before their time, agreed to the account. + +It was one of those heads which Guido has often painted, - mild, +pale - penetrating, free from all commonplace ideas of fat +contented ignorance looking downwards upon the earth; - it look'd +forwards; but look'd as if it look'd at something beyond this +world. - How one of his order came by it, heaven above, who let it +fall upon a monk's shoulders best knows: but it would have suited a +Bramin, and had I met it upon the plains of Indostan, I had +reverenced it. + +The rest of his outline may be given in a few strokes; one might +put it into the hands of any one to design, for 'twas neither +elegant nor otherwise, but as character and expression made it so: +it was a thin, spare form, something above the common size, if it +lost not the distinction by a bend forward in the figure, - but it +was the attitude of Intreaty; and, as it now stands presented to my +imagination, it gained more than it lost by it. + +When he had entered the room three paces, he stood still; and +laying his left hand upon his breast (a slender white staff with +which he journey'd being in his right) - when I had got close up to +him, he introduced himself with the little story of the wants of +his convent, and the poverty of his order; - and did it with so +simple a grace, - and such an air of deprecation was there in the +whole cast of his look and figure, - I was bewitch'd not to have +been struck with it. + +- A better reason was, I had predetermined not to give him a single +sous. + + +THE MONK. CALAIS. + + +- 'Tis very true, said I, replying to a cast upwards with his eyes, +with which he had concluded his address; - 'tis very true, - and +heaven be their resource who have no other but the charity of the +world, the stock of which, I fear, is no way sufficient for the +many GREAT CLAIMS which are hourly made upon it. + +As I pronounced the words GREAT CLAIMS, he gave a slight glance +with his eye downwards upon the sleeve of his tunic: - I felt the +full force of the appeal - I acknowledge it, said I: - a coarse +habit, and that but once in three years with meagre diet, - are no +great matters; and the true point of pity is, as they can be earn'd +in the world with so little industry, that your order should wish +to procure them by pressing upon a fund which is the property of +the lame, the blind, the aged and the infirm; - the captive who +lies down counting over and over again the days of his afflictions, +languishes also for his share of it; and had you been of the ORDER +OF MERCY, instead of the order of St. Francis, poor as I am, +continued I, pointing at my portmanteau, full cheerfully should it +have been open'd to you, for the ransom of the unfortunate. - The +monk made me a bow. - But of all others, resumed I, the unfortunate +of our own country, surely, have the first rights; and I have left +thousands in distress upon our own shore. - The monk gave a cordial +wave with his head, - as much as to say, No doubt there is misery +enough in every corner of the world, as well as within our convent +- But we distinguish, said I, laying my hand upon the sleeve of his +tunic, in return for his appeal - we distinguish, my good father! +betwixt those who wish only to eat the bread of their own labour - +and those who eat the bread of other people's, and have no other +plan in life, but to get through it in sloth and ignorance, FOR THE +LOVE OF GOD. + +The poor Franciscan made no reply: a hectic of a moment pass'd +across his cheek, but could not tarry - Nature seemed to have done +with her resentments in him; - he showed none: - but letting his +staff fall within his arms, he pressed both his hands with +resignation upon his breast, and retired. + + +THE MONK. CALAIS. + + +MY heart smote me the moment he shut the door - Psha! said I, with +an air of carelessness, three several times - but it would not do: +every ungracious syllable I had utter'd crowded back into my +imagination: I reflected, I had no right over the poor Franciscan, +but to deny him; and that the punishment of that was enough to the +disappointed, without the addition of unkind language. - I +consider'd his gray hairs - his courteous figure seem'd to re-enter +and gently ask me what injury he had done me? - and why I could use +him thus? - I would have given twenty livres for an advocate. - I +have behaved very ill, said I within myself; but I have only just +set out upon my travels; and shall learn better manners as I get +along. + + +THE DESOBLIGEANT. CALAIS. + + +WHEN a man is discontented with himself, it has one advantage +however, that it puts him into an excellent frame of mind for +making a bargain. Now there being no travelling through France and +Italy without a chaise, - and nature generally prompting us to the +thing we are fittest for, I walk'd out into the coach-yard to buy +or hire something of that kind to my purpose: an old DESOBLIGEANT +in the furthest corner of the court, hit my fancy at first sight, +so I instantly got into it, and finding it in tolerable harmony +with my feelings, I ordered the waiter to call Monsieur Dessein, +the master of the hotel: - but Monsieur Dessein being gone to +vespers, and not caring to face the Franciscan, whom I saw on the +opposite side of the court, in conference with a lady just arrived +at the inn, - I drew the taffeta curtain betwixt us, and being +determined to write my journey, I took out my pen and ink and wrote +the preface to it in the DESOBLIGEANT. + + +PREFACE. IN THE DESOBLIGEANT. + + +IT must have been observed by many a peripatetic philosopher, That +nature has set up by her own unquestionable authority certain +boundaries and fences to circumscribe the discontent of man; she +has effected her purpose in the quietest and easiest manner by +laying him under almost insuperable obligations to work out his +ease, and to sustain his sufferings at home. It is there only that +she has provided him with the most suitable objects to partake of +his happiness, and bear a part of that burden which in all +countries and ages has ever been too heavy for one pair of +shoulders. 'Tis true, we are endued with an imperfect power of +spreading our happiness sometimes beyond HER limits, but 'tis so +ordered, that, from the want of languages, connections, and +dependencies, and from the difference in education, customs, and +habits, we lie under so many impediments in communicating our +sensations out of our own sphere, as often amount to a total +impossibility. + +It will always follow from hence, that the balance of sentimental +commerce is always against the expatriated adventurer: he must buy +what he has little occasion for, at their own price; - his +conversation will seldom be taken in exchange for theirs without a +large discount, - and this, by the by, eternally driving him into +the hands of more equitable brokers, for such conversation as he +can find, it requires no great spirit of divination to guess at his +party - + +This brings me to my point; and naturally leads me (if the see-saw +of this DESOBLIGEANT will but let me get on) into the efficient as +well as final causes of travelling - + +Your idle people that leave their native country, and go abroad for +some reason or reasons which may be derived from one of these +general causes:- + + +Infirmity of body, +Imbecility of mind, or +Inevitable necessity. + + +The first two include all those who travel by land or by water, +labouring with pride, curiosity, vanity, or spleen, subdivided and +combined AD INFINITUM. + +The third class includes the whole army of peregrine martyrs; more +especially those travellers who set out upon their travels with the +benefit of the clergy, either as delinquents travelling under the +direction of governors recommended by the magistrate; - or young +gentlemen transported by the cruelty of parents and guardians, and +travelling under the direction of governors recommended by Oxford, +Aberdeen, and Glasgow. + +There is a fourth class, but their number is so small that they +would not deserve a distinction, were it not necessary in a work of +this nature to observe the greatest precision and nicety, to avoid +a confusion of character. And these men I speak of, are such as +cross the seas and sojourn in a land of strangers, with a view of +saving money for various reasons and upon various pretences: but as +they might also save themselves and others a great deal of +unnecessary trouble by saving their money at home, - and as their +reasons for travelling are the least complex of any other species +of emigrants, I shall distinguish these gentlemen by the name of + + +Simple Travellers. + + +Thus the whole circle of travellers may be reduced to the following +HEADS:- + + +Idle Travellers, +Inquisitive Travellers, +Lying Travellers, +Proud Travellers, +Vain Travellers, +Splenetic Travellers. + + +Then follow: + + +The Travellers of Necessity, +The Delinquent and Felonious Traveller, +The Unfortunate and Innocent Traveller, +The Simple Traveller, + + +And last of all (if you please) The Sentimental Traveller, (meaning +thereby myself) who have travell'd, and of which I am now sitting +down to give an account, - as much out of NECESSITY, and the BESOIN +DE VOYAGER, as any one in the class. + +I am well aware, at the same time, as both my travels and +observations will be altogether of a different cast from any of my +forerunners, that I might have insisted upon a whole nitch entirely +to myself; - but I should break in upon the confines of the VAIN +Traveller, in wishing to draw attention towards me, till I have +some better grounds for it than the mere NOVELTY OF MY VEHICLE. + +It is sufficient for my reader, if he has been a traveller himself, +that with study and reflection hereupon he may be able to determine +his own place and rank in the catalogue; - it will be one step +towards knowing himself; as it is great odds but he retains some +tincture and resemblance, of what he imbibed or carried out, to the +present hour. + +The man who first transplanted the grape of Burgundy to the Cape of +Good Hope (observe he was a Dutchman) never dreamt of drinking the +same wine at the Cape, that the same grape produced upon the French +mountains, - he was too phlegmatic for that - but undoubtedly he +expected to drink some sort of vinous liquor; but whether good or +bad, or indifferent, - he knew enough of this world to know, that +it did not depend upon his choice, but that what is generally +called CHOICE, was to decide his success: however, he hoped for the +best; and in these hopes, by an intemperate confidence in the +fortitude of his head, and the depth of his discretion, MYNHEER +might possibly oversee both in his new vineyard; and by discovering +his nakedness, become a laughing stock to his people. + +Even so it fares with the Poor Traveller, sailing and posting +through the politer kingdoms of the globe, in pursuit of knowledge +and improvements. + +Knowledge and improvements are to be got by sailing and posting for +that purpose; but whether useful knowledge and real improvements is +all a lottery; - and even where the adventurer is successful, the +acquired stock must be used with caution and sobriety, to turn to +any profit: - but, as the chances run prodigiously the other way, +both as to the acquisition and application, I am of opinion, That a +man would act as wisely, if he could prevail upon himself to live +contented without foreign knowledge or foreign improvements, +especially if he lives in a country that has no absolute want of +either; - and indeed, much grief of heart has it oft and many a +time cost me, when I have observed how many a foul step the +Inquisitive Traveller has measured to see sights and look into +discoveries; all which, as Sancho Panza said to Don Quixote, they +might have seen dry-shod at home. It is an age so full of light, +that there is scarce a country or corner in Europe whose beams are +not crossed and interchanged with others. - Knowledge in most of +its branches, and in most affairs, is like music in an Italian +street, whereof those may partake who pay nothing. - But there is +no nation under heaven - and God is my record (before whose +tribunal I must one day come and give an account of this work) - +that I do not speak it vauntingly, - but there is no nation under +heaven abounding with more variety of learning, - where the +sciences may be more fitly woo'd, or more surely won, than here, - +where art is encouraged, and will so soon rise high, - where Nature +(take her altogether) has so little to answer for, - and, to close +all, where there is more wit and variety of character to feed the +mind with: - Where then, my dear countrymen, are you going? - + +We are only looking at this chaise, said they. - Your most obedient +servant, said I, skipping out of it, and pulling off my hat. - We +were wondering, said one of them, who, I found was an INQUISITIVE +TRAVELLER, - what could occasion its motion. - 'Twas the agitation, +said I, coolly, of writing a preface. - I never heard, said the +other, who was a SIMPLE TRAVELLER, of a preface wrote in a +DESOBLIGEANT. - It would have been better, said I, in a VIS-A-VIS. + +- AS AN ENGLISHMAN DOES NOT TRAVEL TO SEE ENGLISHMEN, I retired to +my room. + + +CALAIS. + + +I PERCEIVED that something darken'd the passage more than myself, +as I stepp'd along it to my room; it was effectually Mons. Dessein, +the master of the hotel, who had just returned from vespers, and +with his hat under his arm, was most complaisantly following me, to +put me in mind of my wants. I had wrote myself pretty well out of +conceit with the DESOBLIGEANT, and Mons. Dessein speaking of it, +with a shrug, as if it would no way suit me, it immediately struck +my fancy that it belong'd to some INNOCENT TRAVELLER, who, on his +return home, had left it to Mons. Dessein's honour to make the most +of. Four months had elapsed since it had finished its career of +Europe in the corner of Mons. Dessein's coach-yard; and having +sallied out from thence but a vampt-up business at the first, +though it had been twice taken to pieces on Mount Sennis, it had +not profited much by its adventures, - but by none so little as the +standing so many months unpitied in the corner of Mons. Dessein's +coach-yard. Much indeed was not to be said for it, - but something +might; - and when a few words will rescue misery out of her +distress, I hate the man who can be a churl of them. + +- Now was I the master of this hotel, said I, laying the point of +my fore-finger on Mons. Dessein's breast, I would inevitably make a +point of getting rid of this unfortunate DESOBLIGEANT; - it stands +swinging reproaches at you every time you pass by it. + +MON DIEU! said Mons. Dessein, - I have no interest - Except the +interest, said I, which men of a certain turn of mind take, Mons. +Dessein, in their own sensations, - I'm persuaded, to a man who +feels for others as well as for himself, every rainy night, +disguise it as you will, must cast a damp upon your spirits: - You +suffer, Mons. Dessein, as much as the machine - + +I have always observed, when there is as much SOUR as SWEET in a +compliment, that an Englishman is eternally at a loss within +himself, whether to take it, or let it alone: a Frenchman never is: +Mons. Dessein made me a bow. + +C'EST BIEN VRAI, said he. - But in this case I should only exchange +one disquietude for another, and with loss: figure to yourself, my +dear Sir, that in giving you a chaise which would fall to pieces +before you had got half-way to Paris, - figure to yourself how much +I should suffer, in giving an ill impression of myself to a man of +honour, and lying at the mercy, as I must do, D'UN HOMME D'ESPRIT. + +The dose was made up exactly after my own prescription; so I could +not help tasting it, - and, returning Mons. Dessein his bow, +without more casuistry we walk'd together towards his Remise, to +take a view of his magazine of chaises. + + +IN THE STREET. CALAIS. + + +IT must needs be a hostile kind of a world, when the buyer (if it +be but of a sorry post-chaise) cannot go forth with the seller +thereof into the street to terminate the difference betwixt them, +but he instantly falls into the same frame of mind, and views his +conventionist with the same sort of eye, as if he was going along +with him to Hyde-park corner to fight a duel. For my own part, +being but a poor swordsman, and no way a match for Monsieur +Dessein, I felt the rotation of all the movements within me, to +which the situation is incident; - I looked at Monsieur Dessein +through and through - eyed him as he walk'd along in profile, - +then, EN FACE; - thought like a Jew, - then a Turk, - disliked his +wig, - cursed him by my gods, - wished him at the devil. - + +- And is all this to be lighted up in the heart for a beggarly +account of three or four louis d'ors, which is the most I can be +overreached in? - Base passion! said I, turning myself about, as a +man naturally does upon a sudden reverse of sentiment, - base, +ungentle passion! thy hand is against every man, and every man's +hand against thee. - Heaven forbid! said she, raising her hand up +to her forehead, for I had turned full in front upon the lady whom +I had seen in conference with the monk: - she had followed us +unperceived. - Heaven forbid, indeed! said I, offering her my own; +- she had a black pair of silk gloves, open only at the thumb and +two fore-fingers, so accepted it without reserve, - and I led her +up to the door of the Remise. + +Monsieur Dessein had DIABLED the key above fifty times before he +had found out he had come with a wrong one in his hand: we were as +impatient as himself to have it opened; and so attentive to the +obstacle that I continued holding her hand almost without knowing +it: so that Monsieur Dessein left us together with her hand in +mine, and with our faces turned towards the door of the Remise, and +said he would be back in five minutes. + +Now a colloquy of five minutes, in such a situation, is worth one +of as many ages, with your faces turned towards the street: in the +latter case, 'tis drawn from the objects and occurrences without; - +when your eyes are fixed upon a dead blank, - you draw purely from +yourselves. A silence of a single moment upon Mons. Dessein's +leaving us, had been fatal to the situation - she had infallibly +turned about; - so I begun the conversation instantly. - + +- But what were the temptations (as I write not to apologize for +the weaknesses of my heart in this tour, - but to give an account +of them) - shall be described with the same simplicity with which I +felt them. + + +THE REMISE DOOR. CALAIS. + + +WHEN I told the reader that I did not care to get out of the +DESOBLIGEANT, because I saw the monk in close conference with a +lady just arrived at the inn - I told him the truth, - but I did +not tell him the whole truth; for I was as full as much restrained +by the appearance and figure of the lady he was talking to. +Suspicion crossed my brain and said, he was telling her what had +passed: something jarred upon it within me, - I wished him at his +convent. + +When the heart flies out before the understanding, it saves the +judgment a world of pains. - I was certain she was of a better +order of beings; - however, I thought no more of her, but went on +and wrote my preface. + +The impression returned upon my encounter with her in the street; a +guarded frankness with which she gave me her hand, showed, I +thought, her good education and her good sense; and as I led her +on, I felt a pleasurable ductility about her, which spread a +calmness over all my spirits - + +- Good God! how a man might lead such a creature as this round the +world with him! - + +I had not yet seen her face - 'twas not material: for the drawing +was instantly set about, and long before we had got to the door of +the Remise, FANCY had finished the whole head, and pleased herself +as much with its fitting her goddess, as if she had dived into the +Tiber for it; - but thou art a seduced, and a seducing slut; and +albeit thou cheatest us seven times a day with thy pictures and +images, yet with so many charms dost thou do it, and thou deckest +out thy pictures in the shapes of so many angels of light, 'tis a +shame to break with thee. + +When we had got to the door of the Remise, she withdrew her hand +from across her forehead, and let me see the original: - it was a +face of about six-and-twenty, - of a clear transparent brown, +simply set off without rouge or powder; - it was not critically +handsome, but there was that in it, which, in the frame of mind I +was in, attached me much more to it, - it was interesting: I +fancied it wore the characters of a widow'd look, and in that state +of its declension, which had passed the two first paroxysms of +sorrow, and was quietly beginning to reconcile itself to its loss; +- but a thousand other distresses might have traced the same lines; +I wish'd to know what they had been - and was ready to inquire, +(had the same BON TON of conversation permitted, as in the days of +Esdras) - "WHAT AILELH THEE? AND WHY ART THOU DISQUIETED? AND WHY +IS THY UNDERSTANDING TROUBLED?" - In a word, I felt benevolence for +her; and resolv'd some way or other to throw in my mite of +courtesy, - if not of service. + +Such were my temptations; - and in this disposition to give way to +them, was I left alone with the lady with her hand in mine, and +with our faces both turned closer to the door of the Remise than +what was absolutely necessary. + + +THE REMISE DOOR. CALAIS. + + +THIS certainly, fair lady, said I, raising her hand up little +lightly as I began, must be one of Fortune's whimsical doings; to +take two utter strangers by their hands, - of different sexes, and +perhaps from different corners of the globe, and in one moment +place them together in such a cordial situation as Friendship +herself could scarce have achieved for them, had she projected it +for a month. + +- And your reflection upon it shows how much, Monsieur, she has +embarrassed you by the adventure - + +When the situation is what we would wish, nothing is so ill-timed +as to hint at the circumstances which make it so: you thank +Fortune, continued she - you had reason - the heart knew it, and +was satisfied; and who but an English philosopher would have sent +notice of it to the brain to reverse the judgment? + +In saying this, she disengaged her hand with a look which I thought +a sufficient commentary upon the text. + +It is a miserable picture which I am going to give of the weakness +of my heart, by owning, that it suffered a pain, which worthier +occasions could not have inflicted. - I was mortified with the loss +of her hand, and the manner in which I had lost it carried neither +oil nor wine to the wound: I never felt the pain of a sheepish +inferiority so miserably in my life. + +The triumphs of a true feminine heart are short upon these +discomfitures. In a very few seconds she laid her hand upon the +cuff of my coat, in order to finish her reply; so, some way or +other, God knows how, I regained my situation. + +- She had nothing to add. + +I forthwith began to model a different conversation for the lady, +thinking from the spirit as well as moral of this, that I had been +mistaken in her character; but upon turning her face towards me, +the spirit which had animated the reply was fled, - the muscles +relaxed, and I beheld the same unprotected look of distress which +first won me to her interest: - melancholy! to see such +sprightliness the prey of sorrow, - I pitied her from my soul; and +though it may seem ridiculous enough to a torpid heart, - I could +have taken her into my arms, and cherished her, though it was in +the open street, without brushing. + +The pulsations of the arteries along my fingers pressing across +hers, told her what was passing within me: she looked down - a +silence of some moments followed. + +I fear in this interval, I must have made some slight efforts +towards a closer compression of her hand, from a subtle sensation I +felt in the palm of my own, - not as if she was going to withdraw +hers - but as if she thought about it; - and I had infallibly lost +it a second time, had not instinct more than reason directed me to +the last resource in these dangers, - to hold it loosely, and in a +manner as if I was every moment going to release it, of myself; so +she let it continue, till Monsieur Dessein returned with the key; +and in the mean time I set myself to consider how I should undo the +ill impressions which the poor monk's story, in case he had told it +her, must have planted in her breast against me. + + +THE SNUFF BOX. CALAIS. + + +THE good old monk was within six paces of us, as the idea of him +crossed my mind; and was advancing towards us a little out of the +line, as if uncertain whether he should break in upon us or no. - +He stopp'd, however, as soon as he came up to us, with a world of +frankness: and having a horn snuff box in his hand, he presented it +open to me. - You shall taste mine - said I, pulling out my box +(which was a small tortoise one) and putting it into his hand. - +'Tis most excellent, said the monk. Then do me the favour, I +replied, to accept of the box and all, and when you take a pinch +out of it, sometimes recollect it was the peace offering of a man +who once used you unkindly, but not from his heart. + +The poor monk blush'd as red as scarlet. MON DIEU! said he, +pressing his hands together - you never used me unkindly. - I +should think, said the lady, he is not likely. I blush'd in my +turn; but from what movements, I leave to the few who feel, to +analyze. - Excuse me, Madame, replied I, - I treated him most +unkindly; and from no provocations. - 'Tis impossible, said the +lady. - My God! cried the monk, with a warmth of asseveration which +seem'd not to belong to him - the fault was in me, and in the +indiscretion of my zeal. - The lady opposed it, and I joined with +her in maintaining it was impossible, that a spirit so regulated as +his, could give offence to any. + +I knew not that contention could be rendered so sweet and +pleasurable a thing to the nerves as I then felt it. - We remained +silent, without any sensation of that foolish pain which takes +place, when, in such a circle, you look for ten minutes in one +another's faces without saying a word. Whilst this lasted, the +monk rubbed his horn box upon the sleeve of his tunic; and as soon +as it had acquired a little air of brightness by the friction - he +made me a low bow, and said, 'twas too late to say whether it was +the weakness or goodness of our tempers which had involved us in +this contest - but be it as it would, - he begg'd we might exchange +boxes. - In saying this, he presented his to me with one hand, as +he took mine from me in the other, and having kissed it, - with a +stream of good nature in his eyes, he put it into his bosom, - and +took his leave. + +I guard this box, as I would the instrumental parts of my religion, +to help my mind on to something better: in truth, I seldom go +abroad without it; and oft and many a time have I called up by it +the courteous spirit of its owner to regulate my own, in the +justlings of the world: they had found full employment for his, as +I learnt from his story, till about the forty-fifth year of his +age, when upon some military services ill requited, and meeting at +the same time with a disappointment in the tenderest of passions, +he abandoned the sword and the sex together, and took sanctuary not +so much in his convent as in himself. + +I feel a damp upon my spirits, as I am going to add, that in my +last return through Calais, upon enquiring after Father Lorenzo, I +heard he had been dead near three months, and was buried, not in +his convent, but, according to his desire, in a little cemetery +belonging to it, about two leagues off: I had a strong desire to +see where they had laid him, - when, upon pulling out his little +horn box, as I sat by his grave, and plucking up a nettle or two at +the head of it, which had no business to grow there, they all +struck together so forcibly upon my affections, that I burst into a +flood of tears: - but I am as weak as a woman; and I beg the world +not to smile, but to pity me. + + +THE REMISE DOOR. CALAIS. + + +I HAD never quitted the lady's hand all this time, and had held it +so long, that it would have been indecent to have let it go, +without first pressing it to my lips: the blood and spirits, which +had suffered a revulsion from her, crowded back to her as I did it. + +Now the two travellers, who had spoke to me in the coach-yard, +happening at that crisis to be passing by, and observing our +communications, naturally took it into their heads that we must be +MAN AND WIFE at least; so, stopping as soon as they came up to the +door of the Remise, the one of them who was the Inquisitive +Traveller, ask'd us, if we set out for Paris the next morning? - I +could only answer for myself, I said; and the lady added, she was +for Amiens. - We dined there yesterday, said the Simple Traveller. +- You go directly through the town, added the other, in your road +to Paris. I was going to return a thousand thanks for the +intelligence, THAT AMIENS WAS IN THE ROAD TO PARIS, but, upon +pulling out my poor monk's little horn box to take a pinch of +snuff, I made them a quiet bow, and wishing them a good passage to +Dover. - They left us alone. - + +- Now where would be the harm, said I to myself, if I were to beg +of this distressed lady to accept of half of my chaise? - and what +mighty mischief could ensue? + +Every dirty passion, and bad propensity in my nature took the +alarm, as I stated the proposition. - It will oblige you to have a +third horse, said Avarice, which will put twenty livres out of your +pocket; - You know not what she is, said Caution; - or what scrapes +the affair may draw you into, whisper'd Cowardice. - + +Depend upon it, Yorick! said Discretion, 'twill be said you went +off with a mistress, and came by assignation to Calais for that +purpose; - + +- You can never after, cried Hypocrisy aloud, show your face in the +world; - or rise, quoth Meanness, in the church; - or be any thing +in it, said Pride, but a lousy prebendary. + +But 'tis a civil thing, said I; - and as I generally act from the +first impulse, and therefore seldom listen to these cabals, which +serve no purpose, that I know of, but to encompass the heart with +adamant - I turned instantly about to the lady. - + +- But she had glided off unperceived, as the cause was pleading, +and had made ten or a dozen paces down the street, by the time I +had made the determination; so I set off after her with a long +stride, to make her the proposal, with the best address I was +master of: but observing she walk'd with her cheek half resting +upon the palm of her hand, - with the slow short-measur'd step of +thoughtfulness, - and with her eyes, as she went step by step, +fixed upon the ground, it struck me she was trying the same cause +herself. - God help her! said I, she has some mother-in-law, or +tartufish aunt, or nonsensical old woman, to consult upon the +occasion, as well as myself: so not caring to interrupt the +process, and deeming it more gallant to take her at discretion than +by surprise, I faced about and took a short turn or two before the +door of the Remise, whilst she walk'd musing on one side. + + +IN THE STREET. CALAIS. + + +HAVING, on the first sight of the lady, settled the affair in my +fancy "that she was of the better order of beings;" - and then laid +it down as a second axiom, as indisputable as the first, that she +was a widow, and wore a character of distress, - I went no further; +I got ground enough for the situation which pleased me; - and had +she remained close beside my elbow till midnight, I should have +held true to my system, and considered her only under that general +idea. + +She had scarce got twenty paces distant from me, ere something +within me called out for a more particular enquiry; - it brought on +the idea of a further separation: - I might possibly never see her +more: - The heart is for saving what it can; and I wanted the +traces through which my wishes might find their way to her, in case +I should never rejoin her myself; in a word, I wished to know her +name, - her family's - her condition; and as I knew the place to +which she was going, I wanted to know from whence she came: but +there was no coming at all this intelligence; a hundred little +delicacies stood in the way. I form'd a score different plans. - +There was no such thing as a man's asking her directly; - the thing +was impossible. + +A little French DEBONNAIRE captain, who came dancing down the +street, showed me it was the easiest thing in the world: for, +popping in betwixt us, just as the lady was returning back to the +door of the Remise, he introduced himself to my acquaintance, and +before he had well got announced, begg'd I would do him the honour +to present him to the lady. - I had not been presented myself; - so +turning about to her, he did it just as well, by asking her if she +had come from Paris? No: she was going that route, she said. - +VOUS N'ETES PAS DE LONDRES? - She was not, she replied. - Then +Madame must have come through Flanders. - APPAREMMENT VOUS ETES +FLAMMANDE? said the French captain. - The lady answered, she was. - +PEUT ETRE DE LISLE? added he. - She said, she was not of Lisle. - +Nor Arras? - nor Cambray? - nor Ghent? - nor Brussels? - She +answered, she was of Brussels. + +He had had the honour, he said, to be at the bombardment of it last +war; - that it was finely situated, POUR CELA, - and full of +noblesse when the Imperialists were driven out by the French (the +lady made a slight courtesy) - so giving her an account of the +affair, and of the share he had had in it, - he begg'd the honour +to know her name, - so made his bow. + +- ET MADAME A SON MARI? - said he, looking back when he had made +two steps, - and, without staying for an answer - danced down the +street. + +Had I served seven years apprenticeship to good breeding, I could +not have done as much. + + +THE REMISE. CALAIS. + + +AS the little French captain left us, Mons. Dessein came up with +the key of the Remise in his hand, and forthwith let us into his +magazine of chaises. + +The first object which caught my eye, as Mons. Dessein open'd the +door of the Remise, was another old tatter'd DESOBLIGEANT; and +notwithstanding it was the exact picture of that which had hit my +fancy so much in the coach-yard but an hour before, - the very +sight of it stirr'd up a disagreeable sensation within me now; and +I thought 'twas a churlish beast into whose heart the idea could +first enter, to construct such a machine; nor had I much more +charity for the man who could think of using it. + +I observed the lady was as little taken with it as myself: so Mons. +Dessein led us on to a couple of chaises which stood abreast, +telling us, as he recommended them, that they had been purchased by +my lord A. and B. to go the grand tour, but had gone no further +than Paris, so were in all respects as good as new. - They were too +good; - so I pass'd on to a third, which stood behind, and +forthwith begun to chaffer for the price. - But 'twill scarce hold +two, said I, opening the door and getting in. - Have the goodness, +Madame, said Mons. Dessein, offering his arm, to step in. - The +lady hesitated half a second, and stepped in; and the waiter that +moment beckoning to speak to Mon. Dessein, he shut the door of the +chaise upon us, and left us. + + +THE REMISE. CALAIS. + + +C'EST BIEN COMIQUE, 'tis very droll, said the lady, smiling, from +the reflection that this was the second time we a had been left +together by a parcel of nonsensical contingencies, - C'EST BIEN +COMIQUE, said she. - + +- There wants nothing, said I, to make it so but the comic use +which the gallantry of a Frenchman would put it to, - to make love +the first moment, and an offer of his person the second. + +'Tis their FORT, replied the lady. + +It is supposed so at least; - and how it has come to pass, +continued I, I know not; but they have certainly got the credit of +understanding more of love, and making it better than any other +nation upon earth; but, for my own part, I think them arrant +bunglers, and in truth the worst set of marksmen that ever tried +Cupid's patience. + +- To think of making love by SENTIMENTS! + +I should as soon think of making a genteel suit of clothes out of +remnants: - and to do it - pop - at first sight, by declaration - +is submitting the offer, and themselves with it, to be sifted with +all their POURS and CONTRES, by an unheated mind. + +The lady attended as if she expected I should go on. + +Consider then, Madame, continued I, laying my hand upon hers:- + +That grave people hate love for the name's sake; - + +That selfish people hate it for their own; - + +Hypocrites for heaven's; - + +And that all of us, both old and young, being ten times worse +frightened than hurt by the very REPORT, - what a want of knowledge +in this branch of commence a man betrays, whoever lets the word +come out of his lips, till an hour or two, at least, after the time +that his silence upon it becomes tormenting. A course of small, +quiet attentions, not so pointed as to alarm, - nor so vague as to +be misunderstood - with now and then a look of kindness, and little +or nothing said upon it, - leaves nature for your mistress, and she +fashions it to her mind. - + +Then I solemnly declare, said the lady, blushing, you have been +making love to me all this while. + + +THE REMISE. CALAIS. + + +MONSIEUR DESSEIN came back to let us out of the chaise, and +acquaint the lady, the count de L-, her brother, was just arrived +at the hotel. Though I had infinite good will for the lady, I +cannot say that I rejoiced in my heart at the event - and could not +help telling her so; - for it is fatal to a proposal, Madame, said +I, that I was going to make to you - + +- You need not tell me what the proposal was, said she, laying her +hand upon both mine, as she interrupted me. - A man my good Sir, +has seldom an offer of kindness to make to a woman, but she has a +presentiment of it some moments before. - + +Nature arms her with it, said I, for immediate preservation. - But +I think, said she, looking in my face, I had no evil to apprehend, +-and, to deal frankly with you, had determined to accept it. - If I +had - (she stopped a moment) - I believe your good will would have +drawn a story from me, which would have made pity the only +dangerous thing in the journey. + +In saying this, she suffered me to kiss her hand twice, and with a +look of sensibility mixed with concern, she got out of the chaise, +- and bid adieu. + + +IN THE STREET. CALAIS. + + +I NEVER finished a twelve guinea bargain so expeditiously in my +life: my time seemed heavy, upon the loss of the lady, and knowing +every moment of it would be as two, till I put myself into motion, +- I ordered post horses directly, and walked towards the hotel. + +Lord! said I, hearing the town clock strike four, and recollecting +that I had been little more than a single hour in Calais, - + +- What a large volume of adventures may be grasped within this +little span of life by him who interests his heart in every thing, +and who, having eyes to see what time and chance are perpetually +holding out to him as he journeyeth on his way, misses nothing he +can FAIRLY lay his hands on! + +- If this won't turn out something, - another will; - no matter, - +'tis an assay upon human nature - I get my labour for my pains, - +'tis enough; - the pleasure of the experiment has kept my senses +and the best part of my blood awake, and laid the gross to sleep. + +I pity the man who can travel from Dan to Beersheba, and cry, 'Tis +all barren; - and so it is: and so is all the world to him who will +not cultivate the fruits it offers. I declare, said I, clapping my +hands cheerily together, that were I in a desert, I would find out +wherewith in it to call forth my affections: - if I could not do +better, I would fasten them upon some sweet myrtle, or seek some +melancholy cypress to connect myself to; - I would court their +shade, and greet them kindly for their protection. - I would cut my +name upon them, and swear they were the loveliest trees throughout +the desert: if their leaves wither'd, I would teach myself to +mourn; and, when they rejoiced, I would rejoice along with them. + +The learned Smelfungus travelled from Boulogne to Paris, - from +Paris to Rome, - and so on; - but he set out with the spleen and +jaundice, and every object he pass'd by was discoloured or +distorted. - He wrote an account of them, but 'twas nothing but the +account of his miserable feelings. + +I met Smelfungus in the grand portico of the Pantheon: - he was +just coming out of it. - 'TIS NOTHING BUT A HUGE COCKPIT, said he: +- I wish you had said nothing worse of the Venus of Medicis, +replied I; - for in passing through Florence, I had heard he had +fallen foul upon the goddess, and used her worse than a common +strumpet, without the least provocation in nature. + +I popp'd upon Smelfungus again at Turin, in his return home; and a +sad tale of sorrowful adventures had he to tell, "wherein he spoke +of moving accidents by flood and field, and of the cannibals that +each other eat: the Anthropophagi:" - he had been flayed alive, and +bedevil'd, and used worse than St. Bartholomew, at every stage he +had come at. - + +- I'll tell it, cried Smelfungus, to the world. You had better +tell it, said I, to your physician. + +Mundungus, with an immense fortune, made the whole tour; going on +from Rome to Naples, - from Naples to Venice, - from Venice to +Vienna, - to Dresden, to Berlin, without one generous connection or +pleasurable anecdote to tell of; but he had travell'd straight on, +looking neither to his right hand nor his left, lest Love or Pity +should seduce him out of his road. + +Peace be to them! if it is to be found; but heaven itself, were it +possible to get there with such tempers, would want objects to give +it; every gentle spirit would come flying upon the wings of Love to +hail their arrival. - Nothing would the souls of Smelfungus and +Mundungus hear of, but fresh anthems of joy, fresh raptures of +love, and fresh congratulations of their common felicity. - I +heartily pity them; they have brought up no faculties for this +work; and, were the happiest mansion in heaven to be allotted to +Smelfungus and Mundungus, they would be so far from being happy, +that the souls of Smelfungus and Mundungus would do penance there +to all eternity! + + +MONTREUIL. + + +I HAD once lost my portmanteau from behind my chaise, and twice got +out in the rain, and one of the times up to the knees in dirt, to +help the postilion to tie it on, without being able to find out +what was wanting. - Nor was it till I got to Montreuil, upon the +landlord's asking me if I wanted not a servant, that it occurred to +me, that that was the very thing. + +A servant! That I do most sadly, quoth I. - Because, Monsieur, +said the landlord, there is a clever young fellow, who would be +very proud of the honour to serve an Englishman. - But why an +English one, more than any other? - They are so generous, said the +landlord. - I'll be shot if this is not a livre out of my pocket, +quoth I to myself, this very night. - But they have wherewithal to +be so, Monsieur, added he. - Set down one livre more for that, +quoth I. - It was but last night, said the landlord, QU'UN MILORD +ANGLOIS PRESENTOIT UN ECU E LA FILLE DE CHAMBRE. - TANT PIS POUR +MADEMOISELLE JANATONE, said I. + +Now Janatone, being the landlord's daughter, and the landlord +supposing I was young in French, took the liberty to inform me, I +should not have said TANT PIS - but, TANT MIEUX. TANT MIEUX, +TOUJOURS, MONSIEUR, said he, when there is any thing to be got - +TANT PIS, when there is nothing. It comes to the same thing, said +I. PARDONNEZ-MOI, said the landlord. + +I cannot take a fitter opportunity to observe, once for all, that +TANT PIS and TANT MIEUX, being two of the great hinges in French +conversation, a stranger would do well to set himself right in the +use of them, before he gets to Paris. + +A prompt French marquis at our ambassador's table demanded of Mr. +H-, if he was H- the poet? No, said Mr. H-, mildly. - TANT PIS, +replied the marquis. + +It is H- the historian, said another, - TANT MIEUX, said the +marquis. And Mr. H-, who is a man of an excellent heart, return'd +thanks for both. + +When the landlord had set me right in this matter, he called in La +Fleur, which was the name of the young man he had spoke of, - +saying only first, That as for his talents he would presume to say +nothing, - Monsieur was the best judge what would suit him; but for +the fidelity of La Fleur he would stand responsible in all he was +worth. + +The landlord deliver'd this in a manner which instantly set my mind +to the business I was upon; - and La Fleur, who stood waiting +without, in that breathless expectation which every son of nature +of us have felt in our turns, came in. + + +MONTREUIL. + + +I AM apt to be taken with all kinds of people at first sight; but +never more so than when a poor devil comes to offer his service to +so poor a devil as myself; and as I know this weakness, I always +suffer my judgment to draw back something on that very account, - +and this more or less, according to the mood I am in, and the case; +- and I may add, the gender too, of the person I am to govern. + +When La Fleur entered the room, after every discount I could make +for my soul, the genuine look and air of the fellow determined the +matter at once in his favour; so I hired him first, - and then +began to enquire what he could do: But I shall find out his +talents, quoth I, as I want them, - besides, a Frenchman can do +every thing. + +Now poor La Fleur could do nothing in the world but beat a drum, +and play a march or two upon the fife. I was determined to make +his talents do; and can't say my weakness was ever so insulted by +my wisdom as in the attempt. + +La Fleur had set out early in life, as gallantly as most Frenchmen +do, with SERVING for a few years; at the end of which, having +satisfied the sentiment, and found, moreover, That the honour of +beating a drum was likely to be its own reward, as it open'd no +further track of glory to him, - he retired E SES TERRES, and lived +COMME IL PLAISOIT E DIEU; - that is to say, upon nothing. + +- And so, quoth Wisdom, you have hired a drummer to attend you in +this tour of yours through France and Italy! - Psha! said I, and do +not one half of our gentry go with a humdrum COMPAGNON DU VOYAGE +the same round, and have the piper and the devil and all to pay +besides? When man can extricate himself with an EQUIVOQUE in such +an unequal match, - he is not ill off. - But you can do something +else, La Fleur? said I. - O QU'OUI! he could make spatterdashes, +and play a little upon the fiddle. - Bravo! said Wisdom. - Why, I +play a bass myself, said I; - we shall do very well. You can +shave, and dress a wig a little, La Fleur? - He had all the +dispositions in the world. - It is enough for heaven! said I, +interrupting him, - and ought to be enough for me. - So, supper +coming in, and having a frisky English spaniel on one side of my +chair, and a French valet, with as much hilarity in his countenance +as ever Nature painted in one, on the other, - I was satisfied to +my heart's content with my empire; and if monarchs knew what they +would be at, they might be as satisfied as I was. + + +MONTREUIL. + + +AS La Fleur went the whole tour of France and Italy with me, and +will be often upon the stage, I must interest the reader a little +further in his behalf, by saying, that I had never less reason to +repent of the impulses which generally do determine me, than in +regard to this fellow; - he was a faithful, affectionate, simple +soul as ever trudged after the heels of a philosopher; and, +notwithstanding his talents of drum beating and spatterdash-making, +which, though very good in themselves, happened to be of no great +service to me, yet was I hourly recompensed by the festivity of his +temper; - it supplied all defects: - I had a constant resource in +his looks in all difficulties and distresses of my own - I was +going to have added of his too; but La Fleur was out of the reach +of every thing; for, whether 'twas hunger or thirst, or cold or +nakedness, or watchings, or whatever stripes of ill luck La Fleur +met with in our journeyings, there was no index in his physiognomy +to point them out by, - he was eternally the same; so that if I am +a piece of a philosopher, which Satan now and then puts it into my +head I am, - it always mortifies the pride of the conceit, by +reflecting how much I owe to the complexional philosophy of this +poor fellow, for shaming me into one of a better kind. With all +this, La Fleur had a small cast of the coxcomb, - but he seemed at +first sight to be more a coxcomb of nature than of art; and, before +I had been three days in Paris with him, - he seemed to be no +coxcomb at all. + + +MONTREUIL. + + +THE next morning, La Fleur entering upon his employment, I +delivered to him the key of my portmanteau, with an inventory of my +half a dozen shirts and silk pair of breeches, and bid him fasten +all upon the chaise, - get the horses put to, - and desire the +landlord to come in with his bill. + +C'EST UN GARCON DE BONNE FORTUNE, said the landlord, pointing +through the window to half a dozen wenches who had got round about +La Fleur, and were most kindly taking their leave of him, as the +postilion was leading out the horses. La Fleur kissed all their +hands round and round again, and thrice he wiped his eyes, and +thrice he promised he would bring them all pardons from Rome. + +- The young fellow, said the landlord, is beloved by all the town, +and there is scarce a corner in Montreuil where the want of him +will not be felt: he has but one misfortune in the world, continued +he, "he is always in love." - I am heartily glad of it, said I, - +'twill save me the trouble every night of putting my breeches under +my head. In saying this, I was making not so much La Fleur's eloge +as my own, having been in love with one princess or another almost +all my life, and I hope I shall go on so till I die, being firmly +persuaded, that if ever I do a mean action, it must be in some +interval betwixt one passion and another: whilst this interregnum +lasts, I always perceive my heart locked up, - I can scarce find in +it to give Misery a sixpence; and therefore I always get out of it +as fast as I can - and the moment I am rekindled, I am all +generosity and good-will again; and would do anything in the world, +either for or with any one, if they will but satisfy me there is no +sin in it. + +- But in saying this, - sure I am commanding the passion, - not +myself. + + +A FRAGMENT. + + +- THE town of Abdera, notwithstanding Democritus lived there, +trying all the powers of irony and laughter to reclaim it, was the +vilest and most profligate town in all Thrace. What for poisons, +conspiracies, and assassinations, - libels, pasquinades, and +tumults, there was no going there by day - 'twas worse by night. + +Now, when things were at the worst, it came to pass that the +Andromeda of Euripides being represented at Abdera, the whole +orchestra was delighted with it: but of all the passages which +delighted them, nothing operated more upon their imaginations than +the tender strokes of nature which the poet had wrought up in that +pathetic speech of Perseus, O CUPID, PRINCE OF GODS AND MEN! &c. +Every man almost spoke pure iambics the next day, and talked of +nothing but Perseus his pathetic address, - "O CUPID! PRINCE OF +GODS AND MEN!" - in every street of Abdera, in every house, "O +Cupid! Cupid!" - in every mouth, like the natural notes of some +sweet melody which drop from it, whether it will or no, - nothing +but "Cupid! Cupid! prince of gods and men!" - The fire caught - and +the whole city, like the heart of one man, open'd itself to Love. + +No pharmacopolist could sell one grain of hellebore, - not a single +armourer had a heart to forge one instrument of death; - Friendship +and Virtue met together, and kiss'd each other in the street; the +golden age returned, and hung over the town of Abdera - every +Abderite took his eaten pipe, and every Abderitish woman left her +purple web, and chastely sat her down and listened to the song. + +'Twas only in the power, says the Fragment, of the God whose empire +extendeth from heaven to earth, and even to the depths of the sea, +to have done this. + + +MONTREUIL. + + +WHEN all is ready, and every article is disputed and paid for in +the inn, unless you are a little sour'd by the adventure, there is +always a matter to compound at the door, before you can get into +your chaise; and that is with the sons and daughters of poverty, +who surround you. Let no man say, "Let them go to the devil!" - +'tis a cruel journey to send a few miserables, and they have had +sufferings enow without it: I always think it better to take a few +sous out in my hand; and I would counsel every gentle traveller to +do so likewise: he need not be so exact in setting down his motives +for giving them; - They will be registered elsewhere. + +For my own part, there is no man gives so little as I do; for few, +that I know, have so little to give; but as this was the first +public act of my charity in France, I took the more notice of it. + +A well-a-way! said I, - I have but eight sous in the world, showing +them in my hand, and there are eight poor men and eight poor women +for 'em. + +A poor tatter'd soul, without a shirt on, instantly withdrew his +claim, by retiring two steps out of the circle, and making a +disqualifying bow on his part. Had the whole PARTERRE cried out, +PLACE AUX DAMES, with one voice, it would not have conveyed the +sentiment of a deference for the sex with half the effect. + +Just Heaven! for what wise reasons hast thou ordered it, that +beggary and urbanity, which are at such variance in other +countries, should find a way to be at unity in this? + +- I insisted upon presenting him with a single sous, merely for his +POLITESSE. + +A poor little dwarfish brisk fellow, who stood over against me in +the circle, putting something first under his arm, which had once +been a hat, took his snuff-box out of his pocket, and generously +offer'd a pinch on both sides of him: it was a gift of consequence, +and modestly declined. - The poor little fellow pressed it upon +them with a nod of welcomeness. - PRENEZ EN - PRENEZ, said he, +looking another way; so they each took a pinch. - Pity thy box +should ever want one! said I to myself; so I put a couple of sous +into it - taking a small pinch out of his box, to enhance their +value, as I did it. He felt the weight of the second obligation +more than of the first, - 'twas doing him an honour, - the other +was only doing him a charity; - and he made me a bow down to the +ground for it. + +- Here! said I to an old soldier with one hand, who had been +campaigned and worn out to death in the service - here's a couple +of sous for thee. - VIVE LE ROI! said the old soldier. + +I had then but three sous left: so I gave one, simply, POUR L'AMOUR +DE DIEU, which was the footing on which it was begg'd. - The poor +woman had a dislocated hip; so it could not be well upon any other +motive. + +MON CHER ET TRES-CHARITABLE MONSIEUR. - There's no opposing this, +said I. + +MILORD ANGLOIS - the very sound was worth the money; - so I gave MY +LAST SOUS FOR IT. But in the eagerness of giving, I had overlooked +a PAUVRE HONTEUX, who had had no one to ask a sous for him, and +who, I believe, would have perished, ere he could have ask'd one +for himself: he stood by the chaise a little without the circle, +and wiped a tear from a face which I thought had seen better days. +- Good God! said I - and I have not one single sous left to give +him. - But you have a thousand! cried all the powers of nature, +stirring within me; - so I gave him - no matter what - I am ashamed +to say HOW MUCH now, - and was ashamed to think how little, then: +so, if the reader can form any conjecture of my disposition, as +these two fixed points are given him, he may judge within a livre +or two what was the precise sum. + +I could afford nothing for the rest, but DIEU VOUS BENISSE! + +- ET LE BON DIEU VOUS BENISSE ENCORE, said the old soldier, the +dwarf, &c. The PAUVRE HONTEUX could say nothing; - he pull'd out a +little handkerchief, and wiped his face as he turned away - and I +thought he thanked me more than them all. + + +THE BIDET. + + +HAVING settled all these little matters, I got into my post-chaise +with more ease than ever I got into a post-chaise in my life; and +La Fleur having got one large jack-boot on the far side of a little +BIDET, and another on this (for I count nothing of his legs) - he +canter'd away before me as happy and as perpendicular as a prince. +- But what is happiness! what is grandeur in this painted scene of +life! A dead ass, before we had got a league, put a sudden stop to +La Fleur's career; - his bidet would not pass by it, - a contention +arose betwixt them, and the poor fellow was kick'd out of his jack- +boots the very first kick. + +La Fleur bore his fall like a French Christian, saying neither more +nor less upon it, than DIABLE! So presently got up, and came to +the charge again astride his bidet, beating him up to it as he +would have beat his drum. + +The bidet flew from one side of the road to the other, then back +again, - then this way, then that way, and in short, every way but +by the dead ass: - La Fleur insisted upon the thing - and the bidet +threw him. + +What's the matter, La Fleur, said I, with this bidet of thine? +Monsieur, said he, C'EST UN CHEVAL LE PLUS OPINIATRE DU MONDE. - +Nay, if he is a conceited beast, he must go his own way, replied I. +So La Fleur got off him, and giving him a good sound lash, the +bidet took me at my word, and away he scampered back to Montreuil. +- PESTE! said La Fleur. + +It is not MAL-E-PROPOS to take notice here, that though La Fleur +availed himself but of two different terms of exclamation in this +encounter, - namely, DIABLE! and PESTE! that there are, +nevertheless, three in the French language: like the positive, +comparative, and superlative, one or the other of which serves for +every unexpected throw of the dice in life. + +LE DIABLE! which is the first, and positive degree, is generally +used upon ordinary emotions of the mind, where small things only +fall out contrary to your expectations; such as - the throwing once +doublets - La Fleur's being kick'd off his horse, and so forth. - +Cuckoldom, for the same reason, is always - LE DIABLE! + +But, in cases where the cast has something provoking in it, as in +that of the bidet's running away after, and leaving La Fleur +aground in jack-boots, - 'tis the second degree. + +'Tis then PESTE! + +And for the third - + +- But here my heart is wrung with pity and fellow feeling, when I +reflect what miseries must have been their lot, and how bitterly so +refined a people must have smarted, to have forced them upon the +use of it. - + +Grant me, O ye powers which touch the tongue with eloquence in +distress! - what ever is my CAST, grant me but decent words to +exclaim in, and I will give my nature way. + +- But as these were not to be had in France, I resolved to take +every evil just as it befell me, without any exclamation at all. + +La Fleur, who had made no such covenant with himself, followed the +bidet with his eyes till it was got out of sight, - and then, you +may imagine, if you please, with what word he closed the whole +affair. + +As there was no hunting down a frightened horse in jack-boots, +there remained no alternative but taking La Fleur either behind the +chaise, or into it. - + +I preferred the latter, and in half an hour we got to the post- +house at Nampont. + + +NAMPONT. THE DEAD ASS. + + +- AND this, said he, putting the remains of a crust into his wallet +- and this should have been thy portion, said he, hadst thou been +alive to have shared it with me. - I thought, by the accent, it had +been an apostrophe to his child; but 'twas to his ass, and to the +very ass we had seen dead in the road, which had occasioned La +Fleur's misadventure. The man seemed to lament it much; and it +instantly brought into my mind Sancho's lamentation for his; but he +did it with more true touches of nature. + +The mourner was sitting upon a stone bench at the door, with the +ass's pannel and its bridle on one side, which he took up from time +to time, - then laid them down, - look'd at them, and shook his +head. He then took his crust of bread out of his wallet again, as +if to eat it; held it some time in his hand, - then laid it upon +the bit of his ass's bridle, - looked wistfully at the little +arrangement he had made - and then gave a sigh. + +The simplicity of his grief drew numbers about him, and La Fleur +amongst the rest, whilst the horses were getting ready; as I +continued sitting in the post-chaise, I could see and hear over +their heads. + +- He said he had come last from Spain, where he had been from the +furthest borders of Franconia; and had got so far on his return +home, when his ass died. Every one seemed desirous to know what +business could have taken so old and poor a man so far a journey +from his own home. + +It had pleased heaven, he said, to bless him with three sons, the +finest lads in Germany; but having in one week lost two of the +eldest of them by the small-pox, and the youngest falling ill of +the same distemper, he was afraid of being bereft of them all; and +made a vow, if heaven would not take him from him also, he would go +in gratitude to St. Iago in Spain. + +When the mourner got thus far on his story, he stopp'd to pay +Nature her tribute, - and wept bitterly. + +He said, heaven had accepted the conditions; and that he had set +out from his cottage with this poor creature, who had been a +patient partner of his journey; - that it had eaten the same bread +with him all the way, and was unto him as a friend. + +Every body who stood about, heard the poor fellow with concern. - +La Fleur offered him money. - The mourner said he did not want it; +- it was not the value of the ass - but the loss of him. - The ass, +he said, he was assured, loved him; - and upon this told them a +long story of a mischance upon their passage over the Pyrenean +mountains, which had separated them from each other three days; +during which time the ass had sought him as much as he had sought +the ass, and that they had scarce either eaten or drank till they +met. + +Thou hast one comfort, friend, said I, at least, in the loss of thy +poor beast; I'm sure thou hast been a merciful master to him. - +Alas! said the mourner, I thought so when he was alive; - but now +that he is dead, I think otherwise. - I fear the weight of myself +and my afflictions together have been too much for him, - they have +shortened the poor creature's days, and I fear I have them to +answer for. - Shame on the world! said I to myself. - Did we but +love each other as this poor soul loved his ass - 'twould be +something. - + + +NAMPONT. THE POSTILION. + + +THE concern which the poor fellow's story threw me into required +some attention; the postilion paid not the least to it, but set off +upon the PAVE in a full gallop. + +The thirstiest soul in the most sandy desert of Arabia could not +have wished more for a cup of cold water, than mine did for grave +and quiet movements; and I should have had an high opinion of the +postilion had he but stolen off with me in something like a pensive +pace. - On the contrary, as the mourner finished his lamentation, +the fellow gave an unfeeling lash to each of his beasts, and set +off clattering like a thousand devils. + +I called to him as loud as I could, for heaven's sake to go slower: +- and the louder I called, the more unmercifully he galloped. - The +deuce take him and his galloping too - said I, - he'll go on +tearing my nerves to pieces till he has worked me into a foolish +passion, and then he'll go slow that I may enjoy the sweets of it. + +The postilion managed the point to a miracle: by the time he had +got to the foot of a steep hill, about half a league from Nampont, +- he had put me out of temper with him, - and then with myself, for +being so. + +My case then required a different treatment; and a good rattling +gallop would have been of real service to me. - + +- Then, prithee, get on - get on, my good lad, said I. + +The postilion pointed to the hill. - I then tried to return back to +the story of the poor German and his ass - but I had broke the +clue, - and could no more get into it again, than the postilion +could into a trot. + +- The deuce go, said I, with it all! Here am I sitting as candidly +disposed to make the best of the worst, as ever wight was, and all +runs counter. + +There is one sweet lenitive at least for evils, which Nature holds +out to us: so I took it kindly at her hands, and fell asleep; and +the first word which roused me was AMIENS. + +- Bless me! said I, rubbing my eyes, - this is the very town where +my poor lady is to come. + + +AMIENS. + + +THE words were scarce out of my mouth when the Count de L-'s post- +chaise, with his sister in it, drove hastily by: she had just time +to make me a bow of recognition, - and of that particular kind of +it, which told me she had not yet done with me. She was as good as +her look; for, before I had quite finished my supper, her brother's +servant came into the room with a billet, in which she said she had +taken the liberty to charge me with a letter, which I was to +present myself to Madame R- the first morning I had nothing to do +at Paris. There was only added, she was sorry, but from what +PENCHANT she had not considered, that she had been prevented +telling me her story, - that she still owed it to me; and if my +route should ever lay through Brussels, and I had not by then +forgot the name of Madame de L-, - that Madame de L- would be glad +to discharge her obligation. + +Then I will meet thee, said I, fair spirit! at Brussels; - 'tis +only returning from Italy through Germany to Holland, by the route +of Flanders, home; - 'twill scarce be ten posts out of my way; but, +were it ten thousand! with what a moral delight will it crown my +journey, in sharing in the sickening incidents of a tale of misery +told to me by such a sufferer? To see her weep! and, though I +cannot dry up the fountain of her tears, what an exquisite +sensation is there still left, in wiping them away from off the +cheeks of the first and fairest of women, as I'm sitting with my +handkerchief in my hand in silence the whole night beside her? + +There was nothing wrong in the sentiment; and yet I instantly +reproached my heart with it in the bitterest and most reprobate of +expressions. + +It had ever, as I told the reader, been one of the singular +blessings of my life, to be almost every hour of it miserably in +love with some one; and my last flame happening to be blown out by +a whiff of jealousy on the sudden turn of a corner, I had lighted +it up afresh at the pure taper of Eliza but about three months +before, - swearing, as I did it, that it should last me through the +whole journey. - Why should I dissemble the matter? I had sworn to +her eternal fidelity; - she had a right to my whole heart: - to +divide my affections was to lessen them; - to expose them was to +risk them: where there is risk there may be loss: - and what wilt +thou have, Yorick, to answer to a heart so full of trust and +confidence - so good, so gentle, and unreproaching! + +- I will not go to Brussels, replied I, interrupting myself. - But +my imagination went on, - I recalled her looks at that crisis of +our separation, when neither of us had power to say adieu! I +look'd at the picture she had tied in a black riband about my neck, +- and blush'd as I look'd at it. - I would have given the world to +have kiss'd it, - but was ashamed. - And shall this tender flower, +said I, pressing it between my hands, - shall it be smitten to its +very root, - and smitten, Yorick! by thee, who hast promised to +shelter it in thy breast? + +Eternal Fountain of Happiness! said I, kneeling down upon the +ground, - be thou my witness - and every pure spirit which tastes +it, be my witness also, That I would not travel to Brussels, unless +Eliza went along with me, did the road lead me towards heaven! + +In transports of this kind, the heart, in spite of the +understanding, will always say too much. + + +THE LETTER. AMIENS. + + +FORTUNE had not smiled upon La Fleur; for he had been unsuccessful +in his feats of chivalry, - and not one thing had offered to +signalise his zeal for my service from the time that he had entered +into it, which was almost four-and-twenty hours. The poor soul +burn'd with impatience; and the Count de L-'s servant coming with +the letter, being the first practicable occasion which offer'd, La +Fleur had laid hold of it; and, in order to do honour to his +master, had taken him into a back parlour in the auberge, and +treated him with a cup or two of the best wine in Picardy; and the +Count de L-'s servant, in return, and not to be behindhand in +politeness with La Fleur, had taken him back with him to the +Count's hotel. La Fleur's PREVENANCY (for there was a passport in +his very looks) soon set every servant in the kitchen at ease with +him; and as a Frenchman, whatever be his talents, has no sort of +prudery in showing them, La Fleur, in less than five minutes, had +pulled out his fife, and leading off the dance himself with the +first note, set the FILLE DE CHAMBRE, the MAITRE D'HOTEL, the cook, +the scullion, and all the house-hold, dogs and cats, besides an old +monkey, a dancing: I suppose there never was a merrier kitchen +since the flood. + +Madame de L-, in passing from her brother's apartments to her own, +hearing so much jollity below stairs, rung up her FILLE DE CHAMBRE +to ask about it; and, hearing it was the English gentleman's +servant, who had set the whole house merry with his pipe, she +ordered him up. + +As the poor fellow could not present himself empty, he had loaded +himself in going up stairs with a thousand compliments to Madame de +L-, on the part of his master, - added a long apocrypha of +inquiries after Madame de L-'s health, - told her, that Monsieur +his master was AU DESESPOIRE for her re-establishment from the +fatigues of her journey, - and, to close all, that Monsieur had +received the letter which Madame had done him the honour - And he +has done me the honour, said Madame de L-, interrupting La Fleur, +to send a billet in return. + +Madame de L- had said this with such a tone of reliance upon the +fact, that La Fleur had not power to disappoint her expectations; - +he trembled for my honour, - and possibly might not altogether be +unconcerned for his own, as a man capable of being attached to a +master who could be wanting EN EGARDS VIS E VIS D'UNE FEMME! so +that when Madame de L- asked La Fleur if he had brought a letter, - +O QU'OUI, said La Fleur: so laying down his hat upon the ground, +and taking hold of the flap of his right side pocket with his left +hand, he began to search for the letter with his right; - then +contrariwise. - DIABLE! then sought every pocket - pocket by +pocket, round, not forgetting his fob: - PESTE! - then La Fleur +emptied them upon the floor, - pulled out a dirty cravat, - a +handkerchief, - a comb, - a whip lash, - a nightcap, - then gave a +peep into his hat, - QUELLE ETOURDERIE! He had left the letter +upon the table in the auberge; - he would run for it, and be back +with it in three minutes. + +I had just finished my supper when La Fleur came in to give me an +account of his adventure: he told the whole story simply as it was: +and only added that if Monsieur had forgot (PAR HAZARD) to answer +Madame's letter, the arrangement gave him an opportunity to recover +the FAUX PAS; - and if not, that things were only as they were. + +Now I was not altogether sure of my ETIQUETTE, whether I ought to +have wrote or no; - but if I had, - a devil himself could not have +been angry: 'twas but the officious zeal of a well meaning creature +for my honour; and, however he might have mistook the road, - or +embarrassed me in so doing, - his heart was in no fault, - I was +under no necessity to write; - and, what weighed more than all, - +he did not look as if he had done amiss. + +- 'Tis all very well, La Fleur, said I. - 'Twas sufficient. La +Fleur flew out of the room like lightning, and returned with pen, +ink, and paper, in his hand; and, coming up to the table, laid them +close before me, with such a delight in his countenance, that I +could not help taking up the pen. + +I began and began again; and, though I had nothing to say, and that +nothing might have been expressed in half a dozen lines, I made +half a dozen different beginnings, and could no way please myself. + +In short, I was in no mood to write. + +La Fleur stepp'd out and brought a little water in a glass to +dilute my ink, - then fetch'd sand and seal-wax. - It was all one; +I wrote, and blotted, and tore off, and burnt, and wrote again. - +LE DIABLE L'EMPORTE! said I, half to myself, - I cannot write this +self-same letter, throwing the pen down despairingly as I said it. + +As soon as I had cast down my pen, La Fleur advanced with the most +respectful carriage up to the table, and making a thousand +apologies for the liberty he was going to take, told me he had a +letter in his pocket wrote by a drummer in his regiment to a +corporal's wife, which he durst say would suit the occasion. + +I had a mind to let the poor fellow have his humour. - Then +prithee, said I, let me see it. + +La Fleur instantly pulled out a little dirty pocket book cramm'd +full of small letters and billet-doux in a sad condition, and +laying it upon the table, and then untying the string which held +them all together, run them over, one by one, till he came to the +letter in question, - LA VOILA! said he, clapping his hands: so, +unfolding it first, he laid it open before me, and retired three +steps from the table whilst I read it. + + +THE LETTER. + + +Madame, + +JE suis penetre de la douleur la plus vive, et reduit en meme temps +au desespoir par ce retour imprevu du Caporal qui rend notre +entrevue de ce soir la chose du monde la plus impossible. + +Mais vive la joie! et toute la mienne sera de penser e vous. + +L'amour n'est RIEN sans sentiment. + +Et le sentiment est encore MOINS sans amour. + +On dit qu'on ne doit jamais se desesperer. + +On dit aussi que Monsieur le Caporal monte la garde Mercredi: alors +ce cera mon tour. + +CHACUN E SON TOUR. + +En attendant - Vive l'amour! et vive la bagatelle! + +Je suis, Madame, + +Avec tous les sentimens les plus respectueux et les plus tendres, + +tout e vous, + +JAQUES ROQUE. + + +It was but changing the Corporal into the Count, - and saying +nothing about mounting guard on Wednesday, - and the letter was +neither right nor wrong: - so, to gratify the poor fellow, who +stood trembling for my honour, his own, and the honour of his +letter, - I took the cream gently off it, and whipping it up in my +own way, I seal'd it up and sent him with it to Madame de L-; - and +the next morning we pursued our journey to Paris. + + +PARIS. + + +WHEN a man can contest the point by dint of equipage, and carry all +on floundering before him with half a dozen of lackies and a couple +of cooks - 'tis very well in such a place as Paris, - he may drive +in at which end of a street he will. + +A poor prince who is weak in cavalry, and whose whole infantry does +not exceed a single man, had best quit the field, and signalize +himself in the cabinet, if he can get up into it; - I say UP INTO +IT - for there is no descending perpendicular amongst 'em with a +"ME VOICI! MES ENFANS" - here I am - whatever many may think. + +I own my first sensations, as soon as I was left solitary and alone +in my own chamber in the hotel, were far from being so flattering +as I had prefigured them. I walked up gravely to the window in my +dusty black coat, and looking through the glass saw all the world +in yellow, blue, and green, running at the ring of pleasure. - The +old with broken lances, and in helmets which had lost their +vizards; - the young in armour bright which shone like gold, +beplumed with each gay feather of the east, - all, - all, tilting +at it like fascinated knights in tournaments of yore for fame and +love. - + +Alas, poor Yorick! cried I, what art thou doing here? On the very +first onset of all this glittering clatter thou art reduced to an +atom; - seek, - seek some winding alley, with a tourniquet at the +end of it, where chariot never rolled or flambeau shot its rays; - +there thou mayest solace thy soul in converse sweet with some kind +grisette of a barber's wife, and get into such coteries! - + +- May I perish! if I do, said I, pulling out the letter which I had +to present to Madame de R- - I'll wait upon this lady, the very +first thing I do. So I called La Fleur to go seek me a barber +directly, - and come back and brush my coat. + + +THE WIG. PARIS. + + +WHEN the barber came, he absolutely refused to have any thing to do +with my wig: 'twas either above or below his art: I had nothing to +do but to take one ready made of his own recommendation. + +- But I fear, friend! said I, this buckle won't stand. - You may +emerge it, replied he, into the ocean, and it will stand. - + +What a great scale is every thing upon in this city thought I. - +The utmost stretch of an English periwig-maker's ideas could have +gone no further than to have "dipped it into a pail of water." - +What difference! 'tis like Time to Eternity! + +I confess I do hate all cold conceptions, as I do the puny ideas +which engender them; and am generally so struck with the great +works of nature, that for my own part, if I could help it, I never +would make a comparison less than a mountain at least. All that +can be said against the French sublime, in this instance of it, is +this: - That the grandeur is MORE in the WORD, and LESS in the +THING. No doubt, the ocean fills the mind with vast ideas; but +Paris being so far inland, it was not likely I should run post a +hundred miles out of it, to try the experiment; - the Parisian +barber meant nothing. - + +The pail of water standing beside the great deep, makes, certainly, +but a sorry figure in speech; - but, 'twill be said, - it has one +advantage - 'tis in the next room, and the truth of the buckle may +be tried in it, without more ado, in a single moment. + +In honest truth, and upon a more candid revision of the matter, THE +FRENCH EXPRESSION PROFESSES MORE THAN IT PERFORMS. + +I think I can see the precise and distinguishing marks of national +characters more in these nonsensical MINUTIAE than in the most +important matters of state; where great men of all nations talk and +stalk so much alike, that I would not give ninepence to choose +amongst them. + +I was so long in getting from under my barber's hands, that it was +too late to think of going with my letter to Madame R- that night: +but when a man is once dressed at all points for going out, his +reflections turn to little account; so taking down the name of the +Hotel de Modene, where I lodged, I walked forth without any +determination where to go; - I shall consider of that, said I, as I +walk along. + + +THE PULSE. PARIS. + + +HAIL, ye small sweet courtesies of life, for smooth do ye make the +road of it! like grace and beauty, which beget inclinations to love +at first sight: 'tis ye who open this door and let the stranger in. + +- Pray, Madame, said I, have the goodness to tell me which way I +must turn to go to the Opera Comique? - Most willingly, Monsieur, +said she, laying aside her work. - + +I had given a cast with my eye into half a dozen shops, as I came +along, in search of a face not likely to be disordered by such an +interruption: till at last, this, hitting my fancy, I had walked +in. + +She was working a pair of ruffles, as she sat in a low chair, on +the far side of the shop, facing the door. + +- TRES VOLONTIERS, most willingly, said she, laying her work down +upon a chair next her, and rising up from the low chair she was +sitting in, with so cheerful a movement, and so cheerful a look, +that had I been laying out fifty louis d'ors with her, I should +have said - "This woman is grateful." + +You must turn, Monsieur, said she, going with me to the door of the +shop, and pointing the way down the street I was to take, - you +must turn first to your left hand, - MAIS PRENEZ GARDE -there are +two turns; and be so good as to take the second - then go down a +little way and you'll see a church: and, when you are past it, give +yourself the trouble to turn directly to the right, and that will +lead you to the foot of the Pont Neuf, which you must cross - and +there any one will do himself the pleasure to show you. - + +She repeated her instructions three times over to me, with the same +goodnatur'd patience the third time as the first; - and if TONES +AND MANNERS have a meaning, which certainly they have, unless to +hearts which shut them out, - she seemed really interested that I +should not lose myself. + +I will not suppose it was the woman's beauty, notwithstanding she +was the handsomest grisette, I think, I ever saw, which had much to +do with the sense I had of her courtesy; only I remember, when I +told her how much I was obliged to her, that I looked very full in +her eyes, - and that I repeated my thanks as often as she had done +her instructions. + +I had not got ten paces from the door, before I found I had forgot +every tittle of what she had said; - so looking back, and seeing +her still standing in the door of the shop, as if to look whether I +went right or not, - I returned back to ask her, whether the first +turn was to my right or left, - for that I had absolutely forgot. - +Is it possible! said she, half laughing. 'Tis very possible, +replied I, when a man is thinking more of a woman than of her good +advice. + +As this was the real truth - she took it, as every woman takes a +matter of right, with a slight curtsey. + +- ATTENDEZ! said she, laying her hand upon my arm to detain me, +whilst she called a lad out of the back shop to get ready a parcel +of gloves. I am just going to send him, said she, with a packet +into that quarter, and if you will have the complaisance to step +in, it will be ready in a moment, and he shall attend you to the +place. - So I walk'd in with her to the far side of the shop: and +taking up the ruffle in my hand which she laid upon the chair, as +if I had a mind to sit, she sat down herself in her low chair, and +I instantly sat myself down beside her. + +- He will be ready, Monsieur, said she, in a moment. - And in that +moment, replied I, most willingly would I say something very civil +to you for all these courtesies. Any one may do a casual act of +good nature, but a continuation of them shows it is a part of the +temperature; and certainly, added I, if it is the same blood which +comes from the heart which descends to the extremes (touching her +wrist) I am sure you must have one of the best pulses of any woman +in the world. - Feel it, said she, holding out her arm. So laying +down my hat, I took hold of her fingers in one hand, and applied +the two forefingers of my other to the artery. - + +- Would to heaven! my dear Eugenius, thou hadst passed by, and +beheld me sitting in my black coat, and in my lack-a-day-sical +manner, counting the throbs of it, one by one, with as much true +devotion as if I had been watching the critical ebb or flow of her +fever. - How wouldst thou have laugh'd and moralized upon my new +profession! - and thou shouldst have laugh'd and moralized on. - +Trust me, my dear Eugenius, I should have said, "There are worse +occupations in this world THAN FEELING A WOMAN'S PULSE." - But a +grisette's! thou wouldst have said, - and in an open shop! Yorick +- + +- So much the better: for when my views are direct, Eugenius, I +care not if all the world saw me feel it. + + +THE HUSBAND. PARIS. + + +I HAD counted twenty pulsations, and was going on fast towards the +fortieth, when her husband, coming unexpected from a back parlour +into the shop, put me a little out of my reckoning. - 'Twas nobody +but her husband, she said; - so I began a fresh score. - Monsieur +is so good, quoth she, as he pass'd by us, as to give himself the +trouble of feeling my pulse. - The husband took off his hat, and +making me a bow, said, I did him too much honour - and having said +that, he put on his hat and walk'd out. + +Good God! said I to myself, as he went out, - and can this man be +the husband of this woman! + +Let it not torment the few who know what must have been the grounds +of this exclamation, if I explain it to those who do not. + +In London a shopkeeper and a shopkeeper's wife seem to be one bone +and one flesh: in the several endowments of mind and body, +sometimes the one, sometimes the other has it, so as, in general, +to be upon a par, and totally with each other as nearly as man and +wife need to do. + +In Paris, there are scarce two orders of beings more different: for +the legislative and executive powers of the shop not resting in the +husband, he seldom comes there: - in some dark and dismal room +behind, he sits commerce-less, in his thrum nightcap, the same +rough son of Nature that Nature left him. + +The genius of a people, where nothing but the monarchy is SALIQUE, +having ceded this department, with sundry others, totally to the +women, - by a continual higgling with customers of all ranks and +sizes from morning to night, like so many rough pebbles shook long +together in a bag, by amicable collisions they have worn down their +asperities and sharp angles, and not only become round and smooth, +but will receive, some of them, a polish like a brilliant: - +Monsieur LE MARI is little better than the stone under your foot. + +- Surely, - surely, man! it is not good for thee to sit alone: - +thou wast made for social intercourse and gentle greetings; and +this improvement of our natures from it I appeal to as my evidence. + +- And how does it beat, Monsieur? said she. - With all the +benignity, said I, looking quietly in her eyes, that I expected. - +She was going to say something civil in return - but the lad came +into the shop with the gloves. - A PROPOS, said I, I want a couple +of pairs myself. + + +THE GLOVES. PARIS. + + +THE beautiful grisette rose up when I said this, and going behind +the counter, reach'd down a parcel and untied it: I advanced to the +side over against her: they were all too large. The beautiful +grisette measured them one by one across my hand. - It would not +alter their dimensions. - She begg'd I would try a single pair, +which seemed to be the least. - She held it open; - my hand slipped +into it at once. - It will not do, said I, shaking my head a +little. - No, said she, doing the same thing. + +There are certain combined looks of simple subtlety, - where whim, +and sense, and seriousness, and nonsense, are so blended, that all +the languages of Babel set loose together, could not express them; +- they are communicated and caught so instantaneously, that you can +scarce say which party is the infector. I leave it to your men of +words to swell pages about it - it is enough in the present to say +again, the gloves would not do; so, folding our hands within our +arms, we both lolled upon the counter - it was narrow, and there +was just room for the parcel to lay between us. + +The beautiful grisette looked sometimes at the gloves, then +sideways to the window, then at the gloves, - and then at me. I +was not disposed to break silence: - I followed her example: so, I +looked at the gloves, then to the window, then at the gloves, and +then at her, - and so on alternately. + +I found I lost considerably in every attack: - she had a quick +black eye, and shot through two such long and silken eyelashes with +such penetration, that she look'd into my very heart and reins. - +It may seem strange, but I could actually feel she did. - + +It is no matter, said I, taking up a couple of the pairs next me, +and putting them into my pocket. + +I was sensible the beautiful grisette had not asked above a single +livre above the price. - I wish'd she had asked a livre more, and +was puzzling my brains how to bring the matter about. - Do you +think, my dear Sir, said she, mistaking my embarrassment, that I +could ask a sous too much of a stranger - and of a stranger whose +politeness, more than his want of gloves, has done me the honour to +lay himself at my mercy? - M'EN CROYEZ CAPABLE? - Faith! not I, +said I; and if you were, you are welcome. So counting the money +into her hand, and with a lower bow than one generally makes to a +shopkeeper's wife, I went out, and her lad with his parcel followed +me. + + +THE TRANSLATION. PARIS. + + +THERE was nobody in the box I was let into but a kindly old French +officer. I love the character, not only because I honour the man +whose manners are softened by a profession which makes bad men +worse; but that I once knew one, - for he is no more, - and why +should I not rescue one page from violation by writing his name in +it, and telling the world it was Captain Tobias Shandy, the dearest +of my flock and friends, whose philanthropy I never think of at +this long distance from his death - but my eyes gush out with +tears. For his sake I have a predilection for the whole corps of +veterans; and so I strode over the two back rows of benches and +placed myself beside him. + +The old officer was reading attentively a small pamphlet, it might +be the book of the opera, with a large pair of spectacles. As soon +as I sat down, he took his spectacles off, and putting them into a +shagreen case, return'd them and the book into his pocket together. +I half rose up, and made him a bow. + +Translate this into any civilized language in the world - the sense +is this: + +"Here's a poor stranger come into the box - he seems as if he knew +nobody; and is never likely, was he to be seven years in Paris, if +every man he comes near keeps his spectacles upon his nose: - 'tis +shutting the door of conversation absolutely in his face - and +using him worse than a German." + +The French officer might as well have said it all aloud: and if he +had, I should in course have put the bow I made him into French +too, and told him, "I was sensible of his attention, and return'd +him a thousand thanks for it." + +There is not a secret so aiding to the progress of sociality, as to +get master of this SHORT HAND, and to be quick in rendering the +several turns of looks and limbs with all their inflections and +delineations, into plain words. For my own part, by long habitude, +I do it so mechanically, that, when I walk the streets of London, I +go translating all the way; and have more than once stood behind in +the circle, where not three words have been said, and have brought +off twenty different dialogues with me, which I could have fairly +wrote down and sworn to. + +I was going one evening to Martini's concert at Milan, and, was +just entering the door of the hall, when the Marquisina di F- was +coming out in a sort of a hurry: - she was almost upon me before I +saw her; so I gave a spring to once side to let her pass. - She had +done the same, and on the same side too; so we ran our heads +together: she instantly got to the other side to get out: I was +just as unfortunate as she had been, for I had sprung to that side, +and opposed her passage again. - We both flew together to the other +side, and then back, - and so on: - it was ridiculous: we both +blush'd intolerably: so I did at last the thing I should have done +at first; - I stood stock-still, and the Marquisina had no more +difficulty. I had no power to go into the room, till I had made +her so much reparation as to wait and follow her with my eye to the +end of the passage. She look'd back twice, and walk'd along it +rather sideways, as if she would make room for any one coming up +stairs to pass her. - No, said I - that's a vile translation: the +Marquisina has a right to the best apology I can make her, and that +opening is left for me to do it in; - so I ran and begg'd pardon +for the embarrassment I had given her, saying it was my intention +to have made her way. She answered, she was guided by the same +intention towards me; - so we reciprocally thank'd each other. She +was at the top of the stairs; and seeing no CICISBEO near her, I +begg'd to hand her to her coach; - so we went down the stairs, +stopping at every third step to talk of the concert and the +adventure. - Upon my word, Madame, said I, when I had handed her +in, I made six different efforts to let you go out. - And I made +six efforts, replied she, to let you enter. - I wish to heaven you +would make a seventh, said I. - With all my heart, said she, making +room. - Life is too short to be long about the forms of it, - so I +instantly stepp'd in, and she carried me home with her. - And what +became of the concert, St. Cecilia, who I suppose was at it, knows +more than I. + +I will only add, that the connexion which arose out of the +translation gave me more pleasure than any one I had the honour to +make in Italy. + + +THE DWARF. PARIS. + + +I HAD never heard the remark made by any one in my life, except by +one; and who that was will probably come out in this chapter; so +that being pretty much unprepossessed, there must have been grounds +for what struck me the moment I cast my eyes over the parterre, - +and that was, the unaccountable sport of Nature in forming such +numbers of dwarfs. - No doubt she sports at certain times in almost +every corner of the world; but in Paris there is no end to her +amusements. - The goddess seems almost as merry as she is wise. + +As I carried my idea out of the Opera Comique with me, I measured +every body I saw walking in the streets by it. - Melancholy +application! especially where the size was extremely little, - the +face extremely dark, - the eyes quick, - the nose long, - the teeth +white, - the jaw prominent, - to see so many miserables, by force +of accidents driven out of their own proper class into the very +verge of another, which it gives me pain to write down: - every +third man a pigmy! - some by rickety heads and hump backs; - others +by bandy legs; - a third set arrested by the hand of Nature in the +sixth and seventh years of their growth; - a fourth, in their +perfect and natural state like dwarf apple trees; from the first +rudiments and stamina of their existence, never meant to grow +higher. + +A Medical Traveller might say, 'tis owing to undue bandages; - a +Splenetic one, to want of air; - and an Inquisitive Traveller, to +fortify the system, may measure the height of their houses, - the +narrowness of their streets, and in how few feet square in the +sixth and seventh stories such numbers of the bourgeoisie eat and +sleep together; but I remember Mr. Shandy the elder, who accounted +for nothing like any body else, in speaking one evening of these +matters, averred that children, like other animals, might be +increased almost to any size, provided they came right into the +world; but the misery was, the citizens of were Paris so coop'd up, +that they had not actually room enough to get them. - I do not call +it getting anything, said he; - 'tis getting nothing. - Nay, +continued he, rising in his argument, 'tis getting worse than +nothing, when all you have got after twenty or five and twenty +years of the tenderest care and most nutritious aliment bestowed +upon it, shall not at last be as high as my leg. Now, Mr. Shandy +being very short, there could be nothing more said of it. + +As this is not a work of reasoning, I leave the solution as I found +it, and content myself with the truth only of the remark, which is +verified in every lane and by-lane of Paris. I was walking down +that which leads from the Carousal to the Palais Royal, and +observing a little boy in some distress at the side of the gutter +which ran down the middle of it, I took hold of his hand and help'd +him over. Upon turning up his face to look at him after, I +perceived he was about forty. - Never mind, said I, some good body +will do as much for me when I am ninety. + +I feel some little principles within me which incline me to be +merciful towards this poor blighted part of my species, who have +neither size nor strength to get on in the world. - I cannot bear +to see one of them trod upon; and had scarce got seated beside my +old French officer, ere the disgust was exercised, by seeing the +very thing happen under the box we sat in. + +At the end of the orchestra, and betwixt that and the first side +box, there is a small esplanade left, where, when the house is +full, numbers of all ranks take sanctuary. Though you stand, as in +the parterre, you pay the same price as in the orchestra. A poor +defenceless being of this order had got thrust somehow or other +into this luckless place; - the night was hot, and he was +surrounded by beings two feet and a half higher than himself. The +dwarf suffered inexpressibly on all sides; but the thing which +incommoded him most, was a tall corpulent German, near seven feet +high, who stood directly betwixt him and all possibility of his +seeing either the stage or the actors. The poor dwarf did all he +could to get a peep at what was going forwards, by seeking for some +little opening betwixt the German's arm and his body, trying first +on one side, then the other; but the German stood square in the +most unaccommodating posture that can be imagined: - the dwarf +might as well have been placed at the bottom of the deepest draw- +well in Paris; so he civilly reached up his hand to the German's +sleeve, and told him his distress. - The German turn'd his head +back, looked down upon him as Goliah did upon David, - and +unfeelingly resumed his posture. + +I was just then taking a pinch of snuff out of my monk's little +horn box. - And how would thy meek and courteous spirit, my dear +monk! so temper'd to BEAR AND FORBEAR! - how sweetly would it have +lent an ear to this poor soul's complaint! + +The old French officer, seeing me lift up my eyes with an emotion, +as I made the apostrophe, took the liberty to ask me what was the +matter? - I told him the story in three words; and added, how +inhuman it was. + +By this time the dwarf was driven to extremes, and in his first +transports, which are generally unreasonable, had told the German +he would cut off his long queue with his knife. - The German look'd +back coolly, and told him he was welcome, if he could reach it. + +An injury sharpen'd by an insult, be it to whom it will, makes +every man of sentiment a party: I could have leap'd out of the box +to have redressed it. - The old French officer did it with much +less confusion; for leaning a little over, and nodding to a +sentinel, and pointing at the same time with his finger at the +distress, - the sentinel made his way to it. - There was no +occasion to tell the grievance, - the thing told himself; so +thrusting back the German instantly with his musket, - he took the +poor dwarf by the hand, and placed him before him. - This is noble! +said I, clapping my hands together. - And yet you would not permit +this, said the old officer, in England. + +- In England, dear Sir, said I, WE SIT ALL AT OUR EASE. + +The old French officer would have set me at unity with myself, in +case I had been at variance, - by saying it was a BON MOT; - and, +as a BON MOT is always worth something at Paris, he offered me a +pinch of snuff. + + +THE ROSE. PARIS. + + +IT WAS now my turn to ask the old French officer "What was the +matter?" for a cry of "HAUSSEZ LES MAINS, MONSIEUR L'ABBE!" re- +echoed from a dozen different parts of the parterre, was as +unintelligible to me, as my apostrophe to the monk had been to him. + +He told me it was some poor Abbe in one of the upper loges, who, he +supposed, had got planted perdu behind a couple of grisettes in +order to see the opera, and that the parterre espying him, were +insisting upon his holding up both his hands during the +representation. - And can it be supposed, said I, that an +ecclesiastic would pick the grisettes' pockets? The old French +officer smiled, and whispering in my ear, opened a door of +knowledge which I had no idea of. + +Good God! said I, turning pale with astonishment - is it possible, +that a people so smit with sentiment should at the same time be so +unclean, and so unlike themselves, - QUELLE GROSSIERTE! added I. + +The French officer told me, it was an illiberal sarcasm at the +church, which had begun in the theatre about the time the Tartuffe +was given in it by Moliere: but like other remains of Gothic +manners, was declining. - Every nation, continued he, have their +refinements and GROSSIERTES, in which they take the lead, and lose +it of one another by turns: - that he had been in most countries, +but never in one where he found not some delicacies, which others +seemed to want. LE POUR ET LE CONTRE SE TROUVENT EN CHAQUE NATION; +there is a balance, said he, of good and bad everywhere; and +nothing but the knowing it is so, can emancipate one half of the +world from the prepossession which it holds against the other: - +that the advantage of travel, as it regarded the SCAVOIR VIVRE, was +by seeing a great deal both of men and manners; it taught us mutual +toleration; and mutual toleration, concluded he, making me a bow, +taught us mutual love. + +The old French officer delivered this with an air of such candour +and good sense, as coincided with my first favourable impressions +of his character: - I thought I loved the man; but I fear I mistook +the object; - 'twas my own way of thinking - the difference was, I +could not have expressed it half so well. + +It is alike troublesome to both the rider and his beast, - if the +latter goes pricking up his ears, and starting all the way at every +object which he never saw before. - I have as little torment of +this kind as any creature alive; and yet I honestly confess, that +many a thing gave me pain, and that I blush'd at many a word the +first month, - which I found inconsequent and perfectly innocent +the second. + +Madame do Rambouliet, after an acquaintance of about six weeks with +her, had done me the honour to take me in her coach about two +leagues out of town. - Of all women, Madame de Rambouliet is the +most correct; and I never wish to see one of more virtues and +purity of heart. - In our return back, Madame de Rambouliet desired +me to pull the cord. - I asked her if she wanted anything - RIEN +QUE POUR PISSER, said Madame de Rambouliet. + +Grieve not, gentle traveller, to let Madame de Rambouliet p-ss on. +- And, ye fair mystic nymphs! go each one PLUCK YOUR ROSE, and +scatter them in your path, - for Madame de Rambouliet did no more. +- I handed Madame de Rambouliet out of the coach; and had I been +the priest of the chaste Castalia, I could not have served at her +fountain with a more respectful decorum. + + +THE FILLE DE CHAMBRE. PARIS. + + +WHAT the old French officer had delivered upon travelling, bringing +Polonius's advice to his son upon the same subject into my head, - +and that bringing in Hamlet, and Hamlet the rest of Shakespeare's +works, I stopp'd at the Quai de Conti in my return home, to +purchase the whole set. + +The bookseller said he had not a set in the world. COMMENT! said +I, taking one up out of a set which lay upon the counter betwixt +us. - He said they were sent him only to be got bound, and were to +be sent back to Versailles in the morning to the Count de B-. + +- And does the Count de B-, said I, read Shakespeare? C'EST UN +ESPRIT FORT, replied the bookseller. - He loves English books! and +what is more to his honour, Monsieur, he loves the English too. +You speak this so civilly, said I, that it is enough to oblige an +Englishman to lay out a louis d'or or two at your shop. - The +bookseller made a bow, and was going to say something, when a young +decent girl about twenty, who by her air and dress seemed to be +FILLE DE CHAMBRE to some devout woman of fashion, come into the +shop and asked for LES EGAREMENTS DU COEUR ET DE L'ESPRIT: the +bookseller gave her the book directly; she pulled out a little +green satin purse run round with a riband of the same colour, and +putting her finger and thumb into it, she took out the money and +paid for it. As I had nothing more to stay me in the shop, we both +walk'd out at the door together. + +- And what have you to do, my dear, said I, with THE WANDERINGS OF +THE HEART, who scarce know yet you have one? nor, till love has +first told you it, or some faithless shepherd has made it ache, +canst thou ever be sure it is so. - LE DIEU M'EN GARDE! said the +girl. - With reason, said I, for if it is a good one, 'tis pity it +should be stolen; 'tis a little treasure to thee, and gives a +better air to your face, than if it was dress'd out with pearls. + +The young girl listened with a submissive attention, holding her +satin purse by its riband in her hand all the time. - 'Tis a very +small one, said I, taking hold of the bottom of it - she held it +towards me - and there is very little in it, my dear, said I; but +be but as good as thou art handsome, and heaven will fill it. I +had a parcel of crowns in my hand to pay for Shakespeare; and, as +she had let go the purse entirely, I put a single one in; and, +tying up the riband in a bow-knot, returned it to her. + +The young girl made me more a humble courtesy than a low one: - +'twas one of those quiet, thankful sinkings, where the spirit bows +itself down, - the body does no more than tell it. I never gave a +girl a crown in my life which gave me half the pleasure. + +My advice, my dear, would not have been worth a pin to you, said I, +if I had not given this along with it: but now, when you see the +crown, you'll remember it; - so don't, my dear, lay it out in +ribands. + +Upon my word, Sir, said the girl, earnestly, I am incapable; - in +saying which, as is usual in little bargains of honour, she gave me +her hand: - EN VERITE, MONSIEUR, JE METTRAI CET ARGENT EPART, said +she. + +When a virtuous convention is made betwixt man and woman, it +sanctifies their most private walks: so, notwithstanding it was +dusky, yet as both our roads lay the same way, we made no scruple +of walking along the Quai de Conti together. + +She made me a second courtesy in setting off, and before we got +twenty yards from the door, as if she had not done enough before, +she made a sort of a little stop to tell me again - she thank'd me. + +It was a small tribute, I told her, which I could not avoid paying +to virtue, and would not be mistaken in the person I had been +rendering it to for the world; - but I see innocence, my dear, in +your face, - and foul befall the man who ever lays a snare in its +way! + +The girl seem'd affected some way or other with what I said; - she +gave a low sigh: - I found I was not empowered to enquire at all +after it, - so said nothing more till I got to the corner of the +Rue de Nevers, where, we were to part. + +- But is this the way, my dear, said I, to the Hotel de Modene? +She told me it was; - or that I might go by the Rue de Gueneguault, +which was the next turn. - Then I'll go, my dear, by the Rue de +Gueneguault, said I, for two reasons; first, I shall please myself, +and next, I shall give you the protection of my company as far on +your way as I can. The girl was sensible I was civil - and said, +she wished the Hotel de Modene was in the Rue de St. Pierre. - You +live there? said I. - She told me she was FILLE DE CHAMBRE to +Madame R-. - Good God! said I, 'tis the very lady for whom I have +brought a letter from Amiens. - The girl told me that Madame R-, +she believed, expected a stranger with a letter, and was impatient +to see him: - so I desired the girl to present my compliments to +Madame R-, and say, I would certainly wait upon her in the morning. + +We stood still at the corner of the Rue de Nevers whilst this +pass'd. - We then stopped a moment whilst she disposed of her +EGAREMENTS DU COEUR &c. more commodiously than carrying them in her +hand - they were two volumes: so I held the second for her whilst +she put the first into her pocket; and then she held her pocket, +and I put in the other after it. + +'Tis sweet to feel by what fine spun threads our affections are +drawn together. + +We set off afresh, and as she took her third step, the girl put her +hand within my arm. - I was just bidding her, - but she did it of +herself, with that undeliberating simplicity, which show'd it was +out of her head that she had never seen me before. For my own +part, I felt the conviction of consanguinity so strongly, that I +could not help turning half round to look in her face, and see if I +could trace out any thing in it of a family likeness. - Tut! said +I, are we not all relations? + +When we arrived at the turning up of the Rue de Gueneguault, I +stopp'd to bid her adieu for good and all: the girl would thank me +again for my company and kindness. - She bid me adieu twice. - I +repeated it as often; and so cordial was the parting between us, +that had it happened any where else, I'm not sure but I should have +signed it with a kiss of charity, as warm and holy as an apostle. + +But in Paris, as none kiss each other but the men, - I did, what +amounted to the same thing - + +- I bid God bless her. + + +THE PASSPORT. PARIS. + + +WHEN I got home to my hotel, La Fleur told me I had been enquired +after by the Lieutenant de Police. - The deuce take it! said I, - I +know the reason. It is time the reader should know it, for in the +order of things in which it happened, it was omitted: not that it +was out of my head; but that had I told it then it might have been +forgotten now; - and now is the time I want it. + +I had left London with so much precipitation, that it never enter'd +my mind that we were at war with France; and had reached Dover, and +looked through my glass at the hills beyond Boulogne, before the +idea presented itself; and with this in its train, that there was +no getting there without a passport. Go but to the end of a +street, I have a mortal aversion for returning back no wiser than I +set out; and as this was one of the greatest efforts I had ever +made for knowledge, I could less bear the thoughts of it: so +hearing the Count de - had hired the packet, I begg'd he would take +me in his suite. The Count had some little knowledge of me, so +made little or no difficulty, - only said, his inclination to serve +me could reach no farther than Calais, as he was to return by way +of Brussels to Paris; however, when I had once pass'd there, I +might get to Paris without interruption; but that in Paris I must +make friends and shift for myself. - Let me get to Paris, Monsieur +le Count, said I, - and I shall do very well. So I embark'd, and +never thought more of the matter. + +When La Fleur told me the Lieutenant de Police had been enquiring +after me, - the thing instantly recurred; - and by the time La +Fleur had well told me, the master of the hotel came into my room +to tell me the same thing, with this addition to it, that my +passport had been particularly asked after: the master of the hotel +concluded with saying, He hoped I had one. - Not I, faith! said I. + +The master of the hotel retired three steps from me, as from an +infected person, as I declared this; - and poor La Fleur advanced +three steps towards me, and with that sort of movement which a good +soul makes to succour a distress'd one: - the fellow won my heart +by it; and from that single trait I knew his character as +perfectly, and could rely upon it as firmly, as if he had served me +with fidelity for seven years. + +MON SEIGNEUR! cried the master of the hotel; but recollecting +himself as he made the exclamation, he instantly changed the tone +of it. - If Monsieur, said he, has not a passport (APPAREMMENT) in +all likelihood he has friends in Paris who can procure him one. - +Not that I know of, quoth I, with an air of indifference. - Then +CERTES, replied he, you'll be sent to the Bastile or the Chatelet +AU MOINS. - Poo! said I, the King of France is a good natur'd soul: +- he'll hurt nobody. - CELA N'EMPECHE PAS, said he - you will +certainly be sent to the Bastile to-morrow morning. - But I've +taken your lodgings for a month, answer'd I, and I'll not quit them +a day before the time for all the kings of France in the world. La +Fleur whispered in my ear, That nobody could oppose the king of +France. + +PARDI! said my host, CES MESSIEURS ANGLOIS SONT DES GENS TRES +EXTRAORDINAIRES; - and, having both said and sworn it, - he went +out. + + +THE PASSPORT. THE HOTEL AT PARIS. + + +I COULD not find in my heart to torture La Fleur's with a serious +look upon the subject of my embarrassment, which was the reason I +had treated it so cavalierly: and to show him how light it lay upon +my mind, I dropt the subject entirely; and whilst he waited upon me +at supper, talk'd to him with more than usual gaiety about Paris, +and of the Opera Comique. - La Fleur had been there himself, and +had followed me through the streets as far as the bookseller's +shop; but seeing me come out with the young FILLE DE CHAMBRE, and +that we walk'd down the Quai de Conti together, La Fleur deem'd it +unnecessary to follow me a step further; - so making his own +reflections upon it, he took a shorter cut, - and got to the hotel +in time to be inform'd of the affair of the police against my +arrival. + +As soon as the honest creature had taken away, and gone down to sup +himself, I then began to think a little seriously about my +situation. - + +- And here, I know, Eugenius, thou wilt smile at the remembrance of +a short dialogue which passed betwixt us the moment I was going to +set out: - I must tell it here. + +Eugenius, knowing that I was as little subject to be overburden'd +with money as thought, had drawn me aside to interrogate me how +much I had taken care for. Upon telling him the exact sum, +Eugenius shook his head, and said it would not do; so pull'd out +his purse in order to empty it into mine. - I've enough in +conscience, Eugenius, said I. - Indeed, Yorick, you have not, +replied Eugenius; I know France and Italy better than you. - But +you don't consider, Eugenius, said I, refusing his offer, that +before I have been three days in Paris, I shall take care to say or +do something or other for which I shall get clapp'd up into the +Bastile, and that I shall live there a couple of months entirely at +the king of France's expense. - I beg pardon, said Eugenius drily: +really I had forgot that resource. + +Now the event I treated gaily came seriously to my door. + +Is it folly, or nonchalance, or philosophy, or pertinacity - or +what is it in me, that, after all, when La Fleur had gone down +stairs, and I was quite alone, I could not bring down my mind to +think of it otherwise than I had then spoken of it to Eugenius? + +- And as for the Bastile; the terror is in the word. - Make the +most of it you can, said I to myself, the Bastile is but another +word for a tower; - and a tower is but another word for a house you +can't get out of. - Mercy on the gouty! for they are in it twice a +year. - But with nine livres a day, and pen and ink, and paper, and +patience, albeit a man can't get out, he may do very well within, - +at least for a mouth or six weeks; at the end of which, if he is a +harmless fellow, his innocence appears, and he comes out a better +and wiser man than he went in. + +I had some occasion (I forget what) to step into the court-yard, as +I settled this account; and remember I walk'd down stairs in no +small triumph with the conceit of my reasoning. - Beshrew the +sombre pencil! said I, vauntingly - for I envy not its powers, +which paints the evils of life with so hard and deadly a colouring. +The mind sits terrified at the objects she has magnified herself, +and blackened: reduce them to their proper size and hue, she +overlooks them. - 'Tis true, said I, correcting the proposition, - +the Bastile is not an evil to be despised; - but strip it of its +towers - fill up the fosse, - unbarricade the doors - call it +simply a confinement, and suppose 'tis some tyrant of a distemper - +and not of a man, which holds you in it, - the evil vanishes, and +you bear the other half without complaint. + +I was interrupted in the heyday of this soliloquy, with a voice +which I took to be of a child, which complained "it could not get +out." - I look'd up and down the passage, and seeing neither man, +woman, nor child, I went out without farther attention. + +In my return back through the passage, I heard the same words +repeated twice over; and, looking up, I saw it was a starling hung +in a little cage. - "I can't get out, - I can't get out," said the +starling. + +I stood looking at the bird: and to every person who came through +the passage it ran fluttering to the side towards which they +approach'd it, with the same lamentation of its captivity. "I +can't get out," said the starling. - God help thee! said I, but +I'll let thee out, cost what it will; so I turned about the cage to +get to the door: it was twisted and double twisted so fast with +wire, there was no getting it open without pulling the cage to +pieces. - I took both hands to it. + +The bird flew to the place where I was attempting his deliverance, +and thrusting his head through the trellis pressed his breast +against it as if impatient. - I fear, poor creature! said I, I +cannot set thee at liberty. - "No," said the starling, - "I can't +get out - I can't get out," said the starling. + +I vow I never had my affections more tenderly awakened; nor do I +remember an incident in my life, where the dissipated spirits, to +which my reason had been a bubble, were so suddenly call'd home. +Mechanical as the notes were, yet so true in tune to nature were +they chanted, that in one moment they overthrew all my systematic +reasonings upon the Bastile; and I heavily walked upstairs, +unsaying every word I had said in going down them. + +Disguise thyself as thou wilt, still, Slavery! said I, - still thou +art a bitter draught! and though thousands in all ages have been +made to drink of thee, thou art no less bitter on that account. - +'Tis thou, thrice sweet and gracious goddess, addressing myself to +Liberty, whom all in public or in private worship, whose taste is +grateful, and ever will be so, till Nature herself shall change. - +No TINT of words can spot thy snowy mantle, or chymic power turn +thy sceptre into iron: - with thee to smile upon him as he eats his +crust, the swain is happier than his monarch, from whose court thou +art exiled! - Gracious Heaven! cried I, kneeling down upon the last +step but one in my ascent, grant me but health, thou great Bestower +of it, and give me but this fair goddess as my companion, - and +shower down thy mitres, if it seems good unto thy divine +providence, upon those heads which are aching for them! + + +THE CAPTIVE. PARIS. + + +THE bird in his cage pursued me into my room; I sat down close to +my table, and leaning my head upon my hand, I began to figure to +myself the miseries of confinement. I was in a right frame for it, +and so I gave full scope to my imagination. + +I was going to begin with the millions of my fellow-creatures born +to no inheritance but slavery: but finding, however affecting the +picture was, that I could not bring it near me, and that the +multitude of sad groups in it did but distract me. - + +- I took a single captive, and having first shut him up in his +dungeon, I then look'd through the twilight of his grated door to +take his picture. + +I beheld his body half-wasted away with long expectation and +confinement, and felt what kind of sickness of the heart it was +which arises from hope deferr'd. Upon looking nearer I saw him +pale and feverish: in thirty years the western breeze had not once +fann'd his blood; - he had seen no sun, no moon, in all that time - +nor had the voice of friend or kinsman breathed through his +lattice. - His children - + +But here my heart began to bleed - and I was forced to go on with +another part of the portrait. + +He was sitting upon the ground upon a little straw, in the furthest +corner of his dungeon, which was alternately his chair and bed: a +little calendar of small sticks were laid at the head, notch'd all +over with the dismal days and nights he had passed there; - he had +one of these little sticks in his hand, and, with a rusty nail he +was etching another day of misery to add to the heap. As I +darkened the little light he had, he lifted up a hopeless eye +towards the door, then cast it down, - shook his head, and went on +with his work of affliction. I heard his chains upon his legs, as +he turned his body to lay his little stick upon the bundle. - He +gave a deep sigh. - I saw the iron enter into his soul! - I burst +into tears. - I could not sustain the picture of confinement which +my fancy had drawn. - I started up from my chair, and calling La +Fleur: I bid him bespeak me a remise, and have it ready at the door +of the hotel by nine in the morning. + +I'll go directly, said I, myself to Monsieur le Duc de Choiseul. + +La Fleur would have put me to bed; but - not willing he should see +anything upon my cheek which would cost the honest fellow a heart- +ache, - I told him I would go to bed by myself, - and bid him go do +the same. + + +THE STARLING. ROAD TO VERSAILLES. + + +I GOT into my remise the hour I proposed: La Fleur got up behind, +and I bid the coachman make the best of his way to Versailles. + +As there was nothing in this road, or rather nothing which I look +for in travelling, I cannot fill up the blank better than with a +short history of this self-same bird, which became the subject of +the last chapter. + +Whilst the Honourable Mr. - was waiting for a wind at Dover, it had +been caught upon the cliffs, before it could well fly, by an +English lad who was his groom; who, not caring to destroy it, had +taken it in his breast into the packet; - and, by course of feeding +it, and taking it once under his protection, in a day or two grew +fond of it, and got it safe along with him to Paris. + +At Paris the lad had laid out a livre in a little cage for the +starling, and as he had little to do better the five months his +master staid there, he taught it, in his mother's tongue, the four +simple words - (and no more) - to which I own'd myself so much its +debtor. + +Upon his master's going on for Italy, the lad had given it to the +master of the hotel. But his little song for liberty being in an +UNKNOWN language at Paris, the bird had little or no store set by +him: so La Fleur bought both him and his cage for me for a bottle +of Burgundy. + +In my return from Italy I brought him with me to the country in +whose language he had learned his notes; and telling the story of +him to Lord A-, Lord A- begg'd the bird of me; - in a week Lord A- +gave him to Lord B-; Lord B- made a present of him to Lord C-; and +Lord C-'s gentleman sold him to Lord D-'s for a shilling; Lord D- +gave him to Lord E-; and so on - half round the alphabet. From +that rank he pass'd into the lower house, and pass'd the hands of +as many commoners. But as all these wanted to GET IN, and my bird +wanted to GET OUT, he had almost as little store set by him in +London as in Paris. + +It is impossible but many of my readers must have heard of him; and +if any by mere chance have ever seen him, I beg leave to inform +them, that that bird was my bird, or some vile copy set up to +represent him. + +I have nothing farther to add upon him, but that from that time to +this I have borne this poor starling as the crest to my arms. - +Thus: + +[Picture which cannot be reproduced] + +- And let the herald's officers twist his neck about if they dare. + + +THE ADDRESS. VERSAILLES. + + +I SHOULD not like to have my enemy take a view of my mind when I am +going to ask protection of any man; for which reason I generally +endeavour to protect myself; but this going to Monsieur le Duc de +C- was an act of compulsion; had it been an act of choice, I should +have done it, I suppose, like other people. + +How many mean plans of dirty address, as I went along, did my +servile heart form! I deserved the Bastile for every one of them. + +Then nothing would serve me when I got within sight of Versailles, +but putting words and sentences together, and conceiving attitudes +and tones to wreath myself into Monsieur le Duc de C-'s good +graces. - This will do, said I. - Just as well, retorted I again, +as a coat carried up to him by an adventurous tailor, without +taking his measure. Fool! continued I, - see Monsieur le Duc's +face first; - observe what character is written in it; - take +notice in what posture he stands to hear you; - mark the turns and +expressions of his body and limbs; - and for the tone, - the first +sound which comes from his lips will give it you; and from all +these together you'll compound an address at once upon the spot, +which cannot disgust the Duke; - the ingredients are his own, and +most likely to go down. + +Well! said I, I wish it well over. - Coward again! as if man to man +was not equal throughout the whole surface of the globe; and if in +the field - why not face to face in the cabinet too? And trust me, +Yorick, whenever it is not so, man is false to himself and betrays +his own succours ten times where nature does it once. Go to the +Duc de C- with the Bastile in thy looks; - my life for it, thou +wilt be sent back to Paris in half an hour with an escort. + +I believe so, said I. - Then I'll go to the Duke, by heaven! with +all the gaiety and debonairness in the world. - + +- And there you are wrong again, replied I. - A heart at ease, +Yorick, flies into no extremes - 'tis ever on its centre. - Well! +well! cried I, as the coachman turn'd in at the gates, I find I +shall do very well: and by the time he had wheel'd round the court, +and brought me up to the door, I found myself so much the better +for my own lecture, that I neither ascended the steps like a victim +to justice, who was to part with life upon the top most, - nor did +I mount them with a skip and a couple of strides, as I do when I +fly up, Eliza! to thee to meet it. + +As I entered the door of the saloon I was met by a person, who +possibly might be the MAITRE D'HOTEL, but had more the air of one +of the under secretaries, who told me the Duc de C- was busy. - I +am utterly ignorant, said I, of the forms of obtaining an audience, +being an absolute stranger, and what is worse in the present +conjuncture of affairs, being an Englishman too. - He replied, that +did not increase the difficulty. - I made him a slight bow, and +told him, I had something of importance to say to Monsieur le Duc. +The secretary look'd towards the stairs, as if he was about to +leave me to carry up this account to some one. - But I must not +mislead you, said I, - for what I have to say is of no manner of +importance to Monsieur le Duc de C- - but of great importance to +myself. - C'EST UNE AUTRE AFFAIRE, replied he. - Not at all, said +I, to a man of gallantry. - But pray, good sir, continued I, when +can a stranger hope to have access? - In not less than two hours, +said he, looking at his watch. The number of equipages in the +court-yard seemed to justify the calculation, that I could have no +nearer a prospect; - and as walking backwards and forwards in the +saloon, without a soul to commune with, was for the time as bad as +being in the Bastile itself, I instantly went back to my remise, +and bid the coachman drive me to the CORDON BLEU, which was the +nearest hotel. + +I think there is a fatality in it; - I seldom go to the place I set +out for. + + +LE PATISSIER. VERSAILLES. + + +BEFORE I had got half way down the street I changed my mind: as I +am at Versailles, thought I, I might as well take a view of the +town; so I pull'd the cord, and ordered the coachman to drive round +some of the principal streets. - I suppose the town is not very +large, said I. - The coachman begg'd pardon for setting me right, +and told me it was very superb, and that numbers of the first dukes +and marquises and counts had hotels. - The Count de B-, of whom the +bookseller at the Quai de Conti had spoke so handsomely the night +before, came instantly into my mind. - And why should I not go, +thought I, to the Count de B-, who has so high an idea of English +books and English men - and tell him my story? so I changed my mind +a second time. - In truth it was the third; for I had intended that +day for Madame de R-, in the Rue St. Pierre, and had devoutly sent +her word by her FILLE DE CHAMBRE that I would assuredly wait upon +her; - but I am governed by circumstances; - I cannot govern them: +so seeing a man standing with a basket on the other side of the +street, as if he had something to sell, I bid La Fleur go up to +him, and enquire for the Count's hotel. + +La Fleur returned a little pale; and told me it was a Chevalier de +St. Louis selling pates. - It is impossible, La Fleur, said I. - La +Fleur could no more account for the phenomenon than myself; but +persisted in his story: he had seen the croix set in gold, with its +red riband, he said, tied to his buttonhole - and had looked into +the basket and seen the pates which the Chevalier was selling; so +could not be mistaken in that. + +Such a reverse in man's life awakens a better principle than +curiosity: I could not help looking for some time at him as I sat +in the remise: - the more I look'd at him, his croix, and his +basket, the stronger they wove themselves into my brain. - I got +out of the remise, and went towards him. + +He was begirt with a clean linen apron which fell below his knees, +and with a sort of a bib that went half way up his breast; upon the +top of this, but a little below the hem, hung his croix. His +basket of little pates was covered over with a white damask napkin; +another of the same kind was spread at the bottom; and there was a +look of PROPRETE and neatness throughout, that one might have +bought his pates of him, as much from appetite as sentiment. + +He made an offer of them to neither; but stood still with them at +the corner of an hotel, for those to buy who chose it without +solicitation. + +He was about forty-eight; - of a sedate look, something approaching +to gravity. I did not wonder. - I went up rather to the basket +than him, and having lifted up the napkin, and taking one of his +pates into my hand, - I begg'd he would explain the appearance +which affected me. + +He told me in a few words, that the best part of his life had +passed in the service, in which, after spending a small patrimony, +he had obtained a company and the croix with it; but that, at the +conclusion of the last peace, his regiment being reformed, and the +whole corps, with those of some other regiments, left without any +provision, he found himself in a wide world without friends, +without a livre, - and indeed, said he, without anything but this, +- (pointing, as he said it, to his croix). - The poor Chevalier won +my pity, and he finished the scene with winning my esteem too. + +The king, he said, was the most generous of princes, but his +generosity could neither relieve nor reward everyone, and it was +only his misfortune to be amongst the number. He had a little +wife, he said, whom he loved, who did the PATISSERIE; and added, he +felt no dishonour in defending her and himself from want in this +way - unless Providence had offer'd him a better. + +It would be wicked to withhold a pleasure from the good, in passing +over what happen'd to this poor Chevalier of St. Louis about nine +months after. + +It seems he usually took his stand near the iron gates which lead +up to the palace, and as his croix had caught the eyes of numbers, +numbers had made the same enquiry which I had done. - He had told +them the same story, and always with so much modesty and good +sense, that it had reach'd at last the king's ears; - who, hearing +the Chevalier had been a gallant officer, and respected by the +whole regiment as a man of honour and integrity, - he broke up his +little trade by a pension of fifteen hundred livres a year. + +As I have told this to please the reader, I beg he will allow me to +relate another, out of its order, to please myself: - the two +stories reflect light upon each other, - and 'tis a pity they +should be parted. + + +THE SWORD. RENNES. + + +WHEN states and empires have their periods of declension, and feel +in their turns what distress and poverty is, - I stop not to tell +the causes which gradually brought the house d'E-, in Brittany, +into decay. The Marquis d'E- had fought up against his condition +with great firmness; wishing to preserve, and still show to the +world, some little fragments of what his ancestors had been; - +their indiscretions had put it out of his power. There was enough +left for the little exigencies of OBSCURITY. - But he had two boys +who looked up to him for LIGHT; - he thought they deserved it. He +had tried his sword - it could not open the way, - the MOUNTING was +too expensive, - and simple economy was not a match for it: - there +was no resource but commerce. + +In any other province in France, save Brittany, this was smiting +the root for ever of the little tree his pride and affection wish'd +to see re-blossom. - But in Brittany, there being a provision for +this, he avail'd himself of it; and, taking an occasion when the +states were assembled at Rennes, the Marquis, attended with his two +boys, entered the court; and having pleaded the right of an ancient +law of the duchy, which, though seldom claim'd, he said, was no +less in force, he took his sword from his side: - Here, said he, +take it; and be trusty guardians of it, till better times put me in +condition to reclaim it. + +The president accepted the Marquis's sword: he staid a few minutes +to see it deposited in the archives of his house - and departed. + +The Marquis and his whole family embarked the next clay for +Martinico, and in about nineteen or twenty years of successful +application to business, with some unlook'd for bequests from +distant branches of his house, return home to reclaim his nobility, +and to support it. + +It was an incident of good fortune which will never happen to any +traveller but a Sentimental one, that I should be at Rennes at the +very time of this solemn requisition: I call it solemn; - it was so +to me. + +The Marquis entered the court with his whole family: he supported +his lady, - his eldest son supported his sister, and his youngest +was at the other extreme of the line next his mother; - he put his +handkerchief to his face twice. - + +- There was a dead silence. When the Marquis had approached within +six paces of the tribunal, he gave the Marchioness to his youngest +son, and advancing three steps before his family, - he reclaim'd +his sword. His sword was given him, and the moment he got it into +his hand he drew it almost out of the scabbard: - 'twas the shining +face of a friend he had once given up - he look'd attentively along +it, beginning at the hilt, as if to see whether it was the same, - +when, observing a little rust which it had contracted near the +point, he brought it near his eye, and bending his head down over +it, - I think - I saw a tear fall upon the place. I could not be +deceived by what followed. + +"I shall find," said he, "some OTHER WAY to get it off." + +When the Marquis had said this, he returned his sword into its +scabbard, made a bow to the guardians of it, - and, with his wife +and daughter, and his two sons following him, walk'd out. + +O, how I envied him his feelings! + + +THE PASSPORT. VERSAILLES. + + +I FOUND no difficulty in getting admittance to Monsieur le Count de +B-. The set of Shakespeares was laid upon the table, and he was +tumbling them over. I walk'd up close to the table, and giving +first such a look at the books as to make him conceive I knew what +they were, - I told him I had come without any one to present me, +knowing I should meet with a friend in his apartment, who, I +trusted, would do it for me: - it is my countryman, the great +Shakespeare, said I, pointing to his works - ET AYEZ LA BOUTE, MON +CHER AMI, apostrophizing his spirit, added I, DE ME FAIRE CET +HONNEUR-LE. - + +The Count smiled at the singularity of the introduction; and seeing +I look'd a little pale and sickly, insisted upon my taking an arm- +chair; so I sat down; and to save him conjectures upon a visit so +out of all rule, I told him simply of the incident in the +bookseller's shop, and how that had impelled me rather to go to him +with the story of a little embarrassment I was under, than to any +other man in France. - And what is your embarrassment? let me hear +it, said the Count. So I told him the story just as I have told it +the reader. + +- And the master of my hotel, said I, as I concluded it, will needs +have it, Monsieur le Count, that I shall be sent to the Bastile; - +but I have no apprehensions, continued I; - for, in falling into +the hands of the most polish'd people in the world, and being +conscious I was a true man, and not come to spy the nakedness of +the land, I scarce thought I lay at their mercy. - It does not suit +the gallantry of the French, Monsieur le Count, said I, to show it +against invalids. + +An animated blush came into the Count de B-'s cheeks as I spoke +this. - NE CRAIGNEZ RIEN - Don't fear, said he. - Indeed, I don't, +replied I again. - Besides, continued I, a little sportingly, I +have come laughing all the way from London to Paris, and I do not +think Monsieur le Duc de Choiseul is such an enemy to mirth as to +send me back crying for my pains. + +- My application to you, Monsieur le Count de B- (making him a low +bow), is to desire he will not. + +The Count heard me with great good nature, or I had not said half +as much, - and once or twice said, - C'EST BIEN DIT. So I rested +my cause there - and determined to say no more about it. + +The Count led the discourse: we talk'd of indifferent things, - of +books, and politics, and men; - and then of women. - God bless them +all! said I, after much discourse about them - there is not a man +upon earth who loves them so much as I do: after all the foibles I +have seen, and all the satires I have read against them, still I +love them; being firmly persuaded that a man, who has not a sort of +affection for the whole sex, is incapable of ever loving a single +one as he ought. + +EH BIEN! MONSIEUR L'ANGLOIS, said the Count, gaily; - you are not +come to spy the nakedness of the land; - I believe you; - NI +ENCORE, I dare say, THAT of our women! - But permit me to +conjecture, - if, PAR HAZARD, they fell into your way, that the +prospect would not affect you. + +I have something within me which cannot bear the shock of the least +indecent insinuation: in the sportability of chit-chat I have often +endeavoured to conquer it, and with infinite pain have hazarded a +thousand things to a dozen of the sex together, - the least of +which I could not venture to a single one to gain heaven. + +Excuse me, Monsieur le Count, said I; - as for the nakedness of +your land, if I saw it, I should cast my eyes over it with tears in +them; - and for that of your women (blushing at the idea he had +excited in me) I am so evangelical in this, and have such a fellow- +feeling for whatever is weak about them, that I would cover it with +a garment if I knew how to throw it on: - But I could wish, +continued I, to spy the nakedness of their hearts, and through the +different disguises of customs, climates, and religion, find out +what is good in them to fashion my own by: - and therefore am I +come. + +It is for this reason, Monsieur le Count, continued I, that I have +not seen the Palais Royal, - nor the Luxembourg, - nor the Facade +of the Louvre, - nor have attempted to swell the catalogues we have +of pictures, statues, and churches. - I conceive every fair being +as a temple, and would rather enter in, and see the original +drawings and loose sketches hung up in it, than the Transfiguration +of Raphael itself. + +The thirst of this, continued I, as impatient as that which +inflames the breast of the connoisseur, has led me from my own home +into France, - and from France will lead me through Italy; - 'tis a +quiet journey of the heart in pursuit of Nature, and those +affections which arise out of her, which make us love each other, - +and the world, better than we do. + +The Count said a great many civil things to me upon the occasion; +and added very politely, how much he stood obliged to Shakespeare +for making me known to him. - But A PROPOS, said he; - Shakespeare +is full of great things; - he forgot a small punctilio of +announcing your name: - it puts you under a necessity of doing it +yourself. + + +THE PASSPORT. VERSAILLES. + + +THERE is not a more perplexing affair in life to me, than to set +about telling any one who I am, - for there is scarce any body I +cannot give a better account of than myself; and I have often +wished I could do it in a single word, - and have an end of it. It +was the only time and occasion in my life I could accomplish this +to any purpose; - for Shakespeare lying upon the table, and +recollecting I was in his books, I took up Hamlet, and turning +immediately to the grave-diggers' scene in the fifth act, I laid my +finger upon Yorick, and advancing the book to the Count, with my +finger all the way over the name, - ME VOICI! said I. + +Now, whether the idea of poor Yorick's skull was put out of the +Count's mind by the reality of my own, or by what magic he could +drop a period of seven or eight hundred years, makes nothing in +this account; - 'tis certain the French conceive better than they +combine; - I wonder at nothing in this world, and the less at this; +inasmuch as one of the first of our own Church, for whose candour +and paternal sentiments I have the highest veneration, fell into +the same mistake in the very same case: - "He could not bear," he +said, "to look into the sermons wrote by the King of Denmark's +jester." Good, my Lord said I; but there are two Yoricks. The +Yorick your Lordship thinks of, has been dead and buried eight +hundred years ago; he flourished in Horwendillus's court; - the +other Yorick is myself, who have flourished, my Lord, in no court. +- He shook his head. Good God! said I, you might as well confound +Alexander the Great with Alexander the Coppersmith, my lord! - +"'Twas all one," he replied. - + +- If Alexander, King of Macedon, could have translated your +Lordship, said I, I'm sure your Lordship would not have said so. + +The poor Count de B- fell but into the same ERROR. + +- ET, MONSIEUR, EST-IL YORICK? cried the Count. - JE LE SUIS, said +I. - VOUS? - MOI, - MOI QUI AI L'HONNEUR DE VOUS PARLER, MONSIEUR +LE COMTE. - MON DIEU! said he, embracing me, - VOUS ETES YORICK! + +The Count instantly put the Shakespeare into his pocket, and left +me alone in his room. + + +THE PASSPORT. VERSAILLES. + + +I COULD not conceive why the Count de B- had gone so abruptly out +of the room, any more than I could conceive why he had put the +Shakespeare into his pocket. - + +MYSTERIES WHICH MUST EXPLAIN THEMSELVES ARE NOT WORTH THE LOSS OF +TIME WHICH A CONJECTURE ABOUT THEM TAKES UP: 'twas better to read +Shakespeare; so taking up "MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING," I transported +myself instantly from the chair I sat in to Messina in Sicily, and +got so busy with Don Pedro, and Benedict, and Beatrice, that I +thought not of Versailles, the Count, or the passport. + +Sweet pliability of man's spirit, that can at once surrender itself +to illusions, which cheat expectation and sorrow of their weary +moments! - Long, - long since had ye number'd out my days, had I +not trod so great a part of them upon this enchanted ground. When +my way is too rough for my feet, or too steep for my strength, I +get off it, to some smooth velvet path, which Fancy has scattered +over with rosebuds of delights; and having taken a few turns in it, +come back strengthened and refresh'd. - When evils press sore upon +me, and there is no retreat from them in this world, then I take a +new course; - I leave it, - and as I have a clearer idea of the +Elysian fields than I have of heaven, I force myself, like AEneas, +into them. - I see him meet the pensive shade of his forsaken Dido, +and wish to recognise it; - I see the injured spirit wave her head, +and turn off silent from the author of her miseries and dishonours; +- I lose the feelings for myself in hers, and in those affections +which were wont to make me mourn for her when I was at school. + +SURELY THIS IS NOT WALKING IN A VAIN SHADOW - NOR DOES MAN DISQUIET +HIMSELF in vain BY IT: -he oftener does so in trusting the issue of +his commotions to reason only. - I can safely say for myself, I was +never able to conquer any one single bad sensation in my heart so +decisively, as beating up as fast as I could for some kindly and +gentle sensation to fight it upon its own ground + +When I had got to the end of the third act the Count de B- entered, +with my passport in his hand. Monsieur le Duc de C-, said the +Count, is as good a prophet, I dare say, as he is a statesman. UN +HOMME QUI RIT, said the Duke, NE SERA JAMAIS DANGEREUX. - Had it +been for any one but the king's jester, added the Count, I could +not have got it these two hours. - PARDONNEZ MOI, Monsieur le +Count, said I - I am not the king's jester. - But you are Yorick? - +Yes. - ET VOUS PLAISANTEZ? - I answered, Indeed I did jest, - but +was not paid for it; - 'twas entirely at my own expense. + +We have no jester at court, Monsieur le Count, said I; the last we +had was in the licentious reign of Charles II.; - since which time +our manners have been so gradually refining, that our court at +present is so full of patriots, who wish for NOTHING but the +honours and wealth of their country; - and our ladies are all so +chaste, so spotless, so good, so devout, - there is nothing for a +jester to make a jest of. - + +VOILA UN PERSIFLAGE! cried the Count. + + +THE PASSPORT. VERSAILLES. + + +AS the passport was directed to all lieutenant-governors, +governors, and commandants of cities, generals of armies, +justiciaries, and all officers of justice, to let Mr. Yorick the +king's jester, and his baggage, travel quietly along, I own the +triumph of obtaining the passport was not a little tarnish'd by the +figure I cut in it. - But there is nothing unmix'd in this world; +and some of the gravest of our divines have carried it so far as to +affirm, that enjoyment itself was attended even with a sigh, - and +that the greatest THEY KNEW OF terminated, IN A GENERAL WAY, in +little better than a convulsion. + +I remember the grave and learned Bevoriskius, in his Commentary +upon the Generations from Adam, very naturally breaks off in the +middle of a note to give an account to the world of a couple of +sparrows upon the out-edge of his window, which had incommoded him +all the time he wrote, and at last had entirely taken him off from +his genealogy. + +- 'Tis strange! writes Bevoriskius; but the facts are certain, for +I have had the curiosity to mark them down one by one with my pen; +- but the cock sparrow, during the little time that I could have +finished the other half of this note, has actually interrupted me +with the reiteration of his caresses three-and-twenty times and a +half. + +How merciful, adds Bevoriskius, is heaven to his creatures! + +Ill fated Yorick! that the gravest of thy brethren should be able +to write that to the world, which stains thy face with crimson to +copy, even in thy study. + +But this is nothing to my travels. - So I twice, - twice beg pardon +for it. + + +CHARACTER. VERSAILLES. + + +AND how do you find the French? said the Count de B-, after he had +given me the passport. + +The reader may suppose, that after so obliging a proof of courtesy, +I could not be at a loss to say something handsome to the enquiry. + +- MAIS PASSE, POUR CELA. - Speak frankly, said he: do you find all +the urbanity in the French which the world give us the honour of? - +I had found every thing, I said, which confirmed it. - VRAIMENT, +said the Count, LES FRANCOIS SONT POLIS. - To an excess, replied I. + +The Count took notice of the word EXCES; and would have it I meant +more than I said. I defended myself a long time as well as I could +against it. - He insisted I had a reserve, and that I would speak +my opinion frankly. + +I believe, Monsieur le Count, said I, that man has a certain +compass, as well as an instrument; and that the social and other +calls have occasion by turns for every key in him; so that if you +begin a note too high or too low, there must be a want either in +the upper or under part, to fill up the system of harmony. - The +Count de B- did not understand music, so desired me to explain it +some other way. A polish'd nation, my dear Count, said I, makes +every one its debtor: and besides, Urbanity itself, like the fair +sex, has so many charms, it goes against the heart to say it can do +ill; and yet, I believe, there is but a certain line of perfection, +that man, take him altogether, is empower'd to arrive at: - if he +gets beyond, he rather exchanges qualities than gets them. I must +not presume to say how far this has affected the French in the +subject we are speaking of; - but, should it ever be the case of +the English, in the progress of their refinements, to arrive at the +same polish which distinguishes the French, if we did not lose the +POLITESSE DU COEUR, which inclines men more to humane actions than +courteous ones, - we should at least lose that distinct variety and +originality of character, which distinguishes them, not only from +each other, but from all the world besides. + +I had a few of King William's shillings, as smooth as glass, in my +pocket; and foreseeing they would be of use in the illustration of +my hypothesis, I had got them into my hand when I had proceeded so +far: - + +See, Monsieur le Count, said I, rising up, and laying them before +him upon the table, - by jingling and rubbing one against another +for seventy years together in one body's pocket or another's, they +are become so much alike, you can scarce distinguish one shilling +from another. + +The English, like ancient medals, kept more apart, and passing but +few people's hands, preserve the first sharpnesses which the fine +hand of Nature has given them; - they are not so pleasant to feel, +- but in return the legend is so visible, that at the first look +you see whose image and superscription they bear. - But the French, +Monsieur le Count, added I (wishing to soften what I had said), +have so many excellences, they can the better spare this; - they +are a loyal, a gallant, a generous, an ingenious, and good temper'd +people as is under heaven; - if they have a fault - they are too +SERIOUS. + +MON DIEU! cried the Count, rising out of his chair. + +MAIS VOUS PLAISANTEZ, said he, correcting his exclamation. - I laid +my hand upon my breast, and with earnest gravity assured him it was +my most settled opinion. + +The Count said he was mortified he could not stay to hear my +reasons, being engaged to go that moment to dine with the Duc de C- +. + +But if it is not too far to come to Versailles to eat your soup +with me, I beg, before you leave France, I may have the pleasure of +knowing you retract your opinion, - or, in what manner you support +it. - But, if you do support it, Monsieur Anglois, said he, you +must do it with all your powers, because you have the whole world +against you. - I promised the Count I would do myself the honour of +dining with him before I set out for Italy; - so took my leave. + + +THE TEMPTATION. PARIS. + + +WHEN I alighted at the hotel, the porter told me a young woman with +a bandbox had been that moment enquiring for me. - I do not know, +said the porter, whether she is gone away or not. I took the key +of my chamber of him, and went upstairs; and when I had got within +ten steps of the top of the landing before my door, I met her +coming easily down. + +It was the fair FILLE DE CHAMBRE I had walked along the Quai de +Conti with; Madame de R- had sent her upon some commission to a +MARCHANDE DES MODES within a step or two of the Hotel de Modene; +and as I had fail'd in waiting upon her, had bid her enquire if I +had left Paris; and if so, whether I had not left a letter +addressed to her. + +As the fair FILLE DE CHAMBRE was so near my door, she returned +back, and went into the room with me for a moment or two whilst I +wrote a card. + +It was a fine still evening in the latter end of the month of May, +- the crimson window curtains (which were of the same colour as +those of the bed) were drawn close: - the sun was setting, and +reflected through them so warm a tint into the fair FILLE DE +CHAMBRE'S face, - I thought she blush'd; - the idea of it made me +blush myself: - we were quite alone; and that superinduced a second +blush before the first could get off. + +There is a sort of a pleasing half guilty blush, where the blood is +more in fault than the man: - 'tis sent impetuous from the heart, +and virtue flies after it, - not to call it back, but to make the +sensation of it more delicious to the nerves: -'tis associated. - + +But I'll not describe it; - I felt something at first within me +which was not in strict unison with the lesson of virtue I had +given her the night before. - I sought five minutes for a card; - I +knew I had not one. - I took up a pen. - I laid it down again; - my +hand trembled: - the devil was in me. + +I know as well as any one he is an adversary, whom, if we resist, +he will fly from us; - but I seldom resist him at all; from a +terror, though I may conquer, I may still get a hurt in the combat; +- so I give up the triumph for security; and, instead of thinking +to make him fly, I generally fly myself. + +The fair FILLE DE CHAMBRE came close up to the bureau where I was +looking for a card - took up first the pen I cast down, then +offer'd to hold me the ink; she offer'd it so sweetly, I was going +to accept it; - but I durst not; - I have nothing, my dear, said I, +to write upon. - Write it, said she, simply, upon anything. - + +I was just going to cry out, Then I will write it, fair girl! upon +thy lips. - + +If I do, said I, I shall perish; - so I took her by the hand, and +led her to the door, and begg'd she would not forget the lesson I +had given her. - She said, indeed she would not; - and, as she +uttered it with some earnestness, she turn'd about, and gave me +both her hands, closed together, into mine; - it was impossible not +to compress them in that situation; - I wish'd to let them go; and +all the time I held them, I kept arguing within myself against it, +- and still I held them on. - In two minutes I found I had all the +battle to fight over again; - and I felt my legs and every limb +about me tremble at the idea. + +The foot of the bed was within a yard and a half of the place where +we were standing. - I had still hold of her hands - and how it +happened I can give no account; but I neither ask'd her - nor drew +her - nor did I think of the bed; - but so it did happen, we both +sat down. + +I'll just show you, said the fair FILLE DE CHAMBRE, the little +purse I have been making to-day to hold your crown. So she put her +hand into her right pocket, which was next me, and felt for it some +time - then into the left. - "She had lost it." - I never bore +expectation more quietly; - it was in her right pocket at last; - +she pull'd it out; it was of green taffeta, lined with a little bit +of white quilted satin, and just big enough to hold the crown: she +put it into my hand; - it was pretty; and I held it ten minutes +with the back of my hand resting upon her lap - looking sometimes +at the purse, sometimes on one side of it. + +A stitch or two had broke out in the gathers of my stock; the fair +FILLE DE CHAMBRE, without saying a word, took out her little +housewife, threaded a small needle, and sew'd it up. - I foresaw it +would hazard the glory of the day; and, as she pass'd her hand in +silence across and across my neck in the manoeuvre, I felt the +laurels shake which fancy had wreath'd about my head. + +A strap had given way in her walk, and the buckle of her shoe was +just falling off. - See, said the FILLE DE CHAMBRE, holding up her +foot. - I could not, for my soul but fasten the buckle in return, +and putting in the strap, - and lifting up the other foot with it, +when I had done, to see both were right, - in doing it too +suddenly, it unavoidably threw the fair FILLE DE CHAMBRE off her +centre, - and then - + + +THE CONQUEST. + + +YES, - and then -. Ye whose clay-cold heads and luke-warm hearts +can argue down or mask your passions, tell me, what trespass is it +that man should have them? or how his spirit stands answerable to +the Father of spirits but for his conduct under them? + +If Nature has so wove her web of kindness, that some threads of +love and desire are entangled with the piece, - must the whole web +be rent in drawing them out? - Whip me such stoics, great Governor +of Nature! said I to myself: - wherever thy providence shall place +me for the trials of my virtue; - whatever is my danger, - whatever +is my situation, - let me feel the movements which rise out of it, +and which belong to me as a man, - and, if I govern them as a good +one, I will trust the issues to thy justice; for thou hast made us, +and not we ourselves. + +As I finished my address, I raised the fair FILLE DE CHAMBRE up by +the hand, and led her out of the room: - she stood by me till I +locked the door and put the key in my pocket, - and then, - the +victory being quite decisive - and not till then, I press'd my lips +to her cheek, and taking her by the hand again, led her safe to the +gate of the hotel. + + +THE MYSTERY. PARIS. + + +IF a man knows the heart, he will know it was impossible to go back +instantly to my chamber; - it was touching a cold key with a flat +third to it upon the close of a piece of music, which had call'd +forth my affections: - therefore, when I let go the hand of the +FILLE DE CHAMBRE, I remained at the gate of the hotel for some +time, looking at every one who pass'd by, - and forming conjectures +upon them, till my attention got fix'd upon a single object which +confounded all kind of reasoning upon him. + +It was a tall figure of a philosophic, serious, adust look, which +passed and repass'd sedately along the street, making a turn of +about sixty paces on each side of the gate of the hotel; - the man +was about fifty-two - had a small cane under his arm - was dress'd +in a dark drab-colour'd coat, waistcoat, and breeches, which seem'd +to have seen some years service: - they were still clean, and there +was a little air of frugal PROPRETE throughout him. By his pulling +off his hat, and his attitude of accosting a good many in his way, +I saw he was asking charity: so I got a sous or two out of my +pocket ready to give him, as he took me in his turn. - He pass'd by +me without asking anything - and yet did not go five steps further +before he ask'd charity of a little woman. - I was much more likely +to have given of the two. - He had scarce done with the woman, when +he pull'd off his hat to another who was coming the same way. - An +ancient gentleman came slowly - and, after him, a young smart one. +- He let them both pass, and ask'd nothing. I stood observing him +half an hour, in which time he had made a dozen turns backwards and +forwards, and found that he invariably pursued the same plan. + +There were two things very singular in this, which set my brain to +work, and to no purpose: - the first was, why the man should ONLY +tell his story to the sex; - and, secondly, - what kind of story it +was, and what species of eloquence it could be, which soften'd the +hearts of the women, which he knew 'twas to no purpose to practise +upon the men. + +There were two other circumstances, which entangled this mystery; - +the one was, he told every woman what he had to say in her ear, and +in a way which had much more the air of a secret than a petition; - +the other was, it was always successful. - He never stopp'd a +woman, but she pull'd out her purse, and immediately gave him +something. + +I could form no system to explain the phenomenon. + +I had got a riddle to amuse me for the rest of the evening; so I +walk'd upstairs to my chamber. + + +THE CASE OF CONSCIENCE. PARIS. + + +I WAS immediately followed up by the master of the hotel, who came +into my room to tell me I must provide lodgings elsewhere. - How +so, friend? said I. - He answered, I had had a young woman lock'd +up with me two hours that evening in my bedchamber, and 'twas +against the rules of his house. - Very well, said I, we'll all part +friends then, - for the girl is no worse, - and I am no worse, - +and you will be just as I found you. - It was enough, he said, to +overthrow the credit of his hotel. - VOYEZ VOUS, Monsieur, said he, +pointing to the foot of the bed we had been sitting upon. - I own +it had something of the appearance of an evidence; but my pride not +suffering me to enter into any detail of the case, I exhorted him +to let his soul sleep in peace, as I resolved to let mine do that +night, and that I would discharge what I owed him at breakfast. + +I should not have minded, Monsieur, said he, if you had had twenty +girls - 'Tis a score more, replied I, interrupting him, than I ever +reckon'd upon - Provided, added he, it had been but in a morning. - +And does the difference of the time of the day at Paris make a +difference in the sin? - It made a difference, he said, in the +scandal. - I like a good distinction in my heart; and cannot say I +was intolerably out of temper with the man. - I own it is +necessary, resumed the master of the hotel, that a stranger at +Paris should have the opportunities presented to him of buying lace +and silk stockings and ruffles, ET TOUT CELA; - and 'tis nothing if +a woman comes with a band-box. - O, my conscience! said I, she had +one but I never look'd into it. - Then Monsieur, said he, has +bought nothing? - Not one earthly thing, replied I. - Because, said +he, I could recommend one to you who would use you EN CONSCIENCE. - +But I must see her this night, said I. - He made me a low bow, and +walk'd down. + +Now shall I triumph over this MAITRE D'HOTEL, cried I, - and what +then? Then I shall let him see I know he is a dirty fellow. - And +what then? What then? - I was too near myself to say it was for +the sake of others. - I had no good answer left; - there was more +of spleen than principle in my project, and I was sick of it before +the execution. + +In a few minutes the grisette came in with her box of lace. - I'll +buy nothing, however, said I, within myself. + +The grisette would show me everything. - I was hard to please: she +would not seem to see it; she opened her little magazine, and laid +all her laces one after another before me; - unfolded and folded +them up again one by one with the most patient sweetness. - I might +buy, - or not; - she would let me have everything at my own price: +- the poor creature seem'd anxious to get a penny; and laid herself +out to win me, and not so much in a manner which seem'd artful, as +in one I felt simple and caressing. + +If there is not a fund of honest gullibility in man, so much the +worse; - my heart relented, and I gave up my second resolution as +quietly as the first. - Why should I chastise one for the trespass +of another? If thou art tributary to this tyrant of an host, +thought I, looking up in her face, so much harder is thy bread. + +If I had not had more than four louis d'ors in my purse, there was +no such thing as rising up and showing her the door, till I had +first laid three of them out in a pair of ruffles. + +- The master of the hotel will share the profit with her; - no +matter, - then I have only paid as many a poor soul has PAID before +me, for an act he COULD not do, or think of. + + +THE RIDDLE. PARIS. + + +WHEN La Fleur came up to wait upon me at supper, he told me how +sorry the master of the hotel was for his affront to me in bidding +me change my lodgings. + +A man who values a good night's rest will not lie down with enmity +in his heart, if he can help it. - So I bid La Fleur tell the +master of the hotel, that I was sorry on my side for the occasion I +had given him; - and you may tell him, if you will, La Fleur, added +I, that if the young woman should call again, I shall not see her. + +This was a sacrifice not to him, but myself, having resolved, after +so narrow an escape, to run no more risks, but to leave Paris, if +it was possible, with all the virtue I enter'd it. + +C'EST DEROGER E NOBLESSE, MONSIEUR, said La Fleur, making me a bow +down to the ground as he said it. - ET ENCORE, MONSIEUR, said he, +may change his sentiments; - and if (PAR HAZARD) he should like to +amuse himself, - I find no amusement in it, said I, interrupting +him. - + +MON DIEU! said La Fleur, - and took away. + +In an hour's time he came to put me to bed, and was more than +commonly officious: - something hung upon his lips to say to me, or +ask me, which he could not get off: I could not conceive what it +was, and indeed gave myself little trouble to find it out, as I had +another riddle so much more interesting upon my mind, which was +that of the man's asking charity before the door of the hotel. - I +would have given anything to have got to the bottom of it; and +that, not out of curiosity, - 'tis so low a principle of enquiry, +in general, I would not purchase the gratification of it with a +two-sous piece; - but a secret, I thought, which so soon and so +certainly soften'd the heart of every woman you came near, was a +secret at least equal to the philosopher's stone; had I both the +Indies, I would have given up one to have been master of it. + +I toss'd and turn'd it almost all night long in my brains to no +manner of purpose; and when I awoke in the morning, I found my +spirits as much troubled with my dreams, as ever the King of +Babylon had been with his; and I will not hesitate to affirm, it +would have puzzled all the wise men of Paris as much as those of +Chaldea to have given its interpretation. + + +LE DIMANCHE. PARIS. + + +IT was Sunday; and when La Fleur came in, in the morning, with my +coffee and roll and butter, he had got himself so gallantly +array'd, I scarce knew him. + +I had covenanted at Montreuil to give him a new hat with a silver +button and loop, and four louis d'ors, POUR S'ADONISER, when we got +to Paris; and the poor fellow, to do him justice, had done wonders +with it. + +He had bought a bright, clean, good scarlet coat, and a pair of +breeches of the same. - They were not a crown worse, he said, for +the wearing. - I wish'd him hang'd for telling me. - They look'd so +fresh, that though I knew the thing could not be done, yet I would +rather have imposed upon my fancy with thinking I had bought them +new for the fellow, than that they had come out of the Rue de +Friperie. + +This is a nicety which makes not the heart sore at Paris. + +He had purchased, moreover, a handsome blue satin waistcoat, +fancifully enough embroidered: - this was indeed something the +worse for the service it had done, but 'twas clean scour'd; - the +gold had been touch'd up, and upon the whole was rather showy than +otherwise; - and as the blue was not violent, it suited with the +coat and breeches very well: he had squeez'd out of the money, +moreover, a new bag and a solitaire; and had insisted with the +FRIPIER upon a gold pair of garters to his breeches knees. - He had +purchased muslin ruffles, BIEN BRODEES, with four livres of his own +money; - and a pair of white silk stockings for five more; - and to +top all, nature had given him a handsome figure, without costing +him a sous. + +He entered the room thus set off, with his hair dressed in the +first style, and with a handsome bouquet in his breast. - In a +word, there was that look of festivity in everything about him, +which at once put me in mind it was Sunday; - and, by combining +both together, it instantly struck me, that the favour he wish'd to +ask of me the night before, was to spend the day as every body in +Paris spent it besides. I had scarce made the conjecture, when La +Fleur, with infinite humility, but with a look of trust, as if I +should not refuse him, begg'd I would grant him the day, POUR FAIRE +LE GALANT VIS-E-VIS DE SA MAITRESSE. + +Now it was the very thing I intended to do myself vis-e-vis Madame +de R-. - I had retained the remise on purpose for it, and it would +not have mortified my vanity to have had a servant so well dress'd +as La Fleur was, to have got up behind it: I never could have worse +spared him. + +But we must FEEL, not argue in these embarrassments. - The sons and +daughters of Service part with liberty, but not with nature, in +their contracts; they are flesh and blood, and have their little +vanities and wishes in the midst of the house of bondage, as well +as their task-masters; - no doubt, they have set their self-denials +at a price, - and their expectations are so unreasonable, that I +would often disappoint them, but that their condition puts it so +much in my power to do it. + +BEHOLD, - BEHOLD, I AM THY SERVANT - disarms me at once of the +powers of a master. - + +Thou shalt go, La Fleur! said I. + +- And what mistress, La Fleur, said I, canst thou have picked up in +so little a time at Paris? La Fleur laid his hand upon his breast, +and said 'twas a PETITE DEMOISELLE, at Monsieur le Count de B-'s. - +La Fleur had a heart made for society; and, to speak the truth of +him, let as few occasions slip him as his master; - so that somehow +or other, - but how, - heaven knows, - he had connected himself +with the demoiselle upon the landing of the staircase, during the +time I was taken up with my passport; and as there was time enough +for me to win the Count to my interest, La Fleur had contrived to +make it do to win the maid to his. The family, it seems, was to be +at Paris that day, and he had made a party with her, and two or +three more of the Count's household, upon the boulevards. + +Happy people! that once a week at least are sure to lay down all +your cares together, and dance and sing and sport away the weights +of grievance, which bow down the spirit of other nations to the +earth. + + +THE FRAGMENT. PARIS. + + +LA FLEUR had left me something to amuse myself with for the day +more than I had bargain'd for, or could have enter'd either into +his head or mine. + +He had brought the little print of butter upon a currant leaf: and +as the morning was warm, and he had a good step to bring it, he had +begg'd a sheet of waste paper to put betwixt the currant leaf and +his hand. - As that was plate sufficient, I bade him lay it upon +the table as it was; and as I resolved to stay within all day, I +ordered him to call upon the TRAITEUR, to bespeak my dinner, and +leave me to breakfast by myself. + +When I had finished the butter, I threw the currant-leaf out of the +window, and was going to do the same by the waste paper; - but +stopping to read a line first, and that drawing me on to a second +and third, - I thought it better worth; so I shut the window, and +drawing a chair up to it, I sat down to read it. + +It was in the old French of Rabelais's time, and for aught I know +might have been wrote by him: - it was moreover in a Gothic letter, +and that so faded and gone off by damps and length of time, it cost +me infinite trouble to make anything of it. - I threw it down; and +then wrote a letter to Eugenius; - then I took it up again, and +embroiled my patience with it afresh; - and then to cure that, I +wrote a letter to Eliza. - Still it kept hold of me; and the +difficulty of understanding it increased but the desire. + +I got my dinner; and after I had enlightened my mind with a bottle +of Burgundy; I at it again, - and, after two or three hours poring +upon it, with almost as deep attention as ever Gruter or Jacob Spon +did upon a nonsensical inscription, I thought I made sense of it; +but to make sure of it, the best way, I imagined, was to turn it +into English, and see how it would look then; - so I went on +leisurely, as a trifling man does, sometimes writing a sentence, - +then taking a turn or two, - and then looking how the world went, +out of the window; so that it was nine o'clock at night before I +had done it. - I then began and read it as follows. + + +THE FRAGMENT. PARIS. + + +- NOW, as the notary's wife disputed the point with the notary with +too much heat, - I wish, said the notary, (throwing down the +parchment) that there was another notary here only to set down and +attest all this. - + +- And what would you do then, Monsieur? said she, rising hastily +up. - The notary's wife was a little fume of a woman, and the +notary thought it well to avoid a hurricane by a mild reply. - I +would go, answered he, to bed. - You may go to the devil, answer'd +the notary's wife. + +Now there happening to be but one bed in the house, the other two +rooms being unfurnished, as is the custom at Paris, and the notary +not caring to lie in the same bed with a woman who had but that +moment sent him pell mell to the devil, went forth with his hat and +cane and short cloak, the night being very windy, and walk'd out, +ill at ease, towards the Pont Neuf. + +Of all the bridges which ever were built, the whole world who have +pass'd over the Pont Neuf must own, that it is the noblest, - the +finest, - the grandest, - the lightest, - the longest, - the +broadest, that ever conjoin'd land and land together upon the face +of the terraqueous globe. + +[BY THIS IT SEEMS AS IF THE AUTHOR OF THE FRAGMENT HAD NOT BEEN A +FRENCHMAN.] + +The worst fault which divines and the doctors of the Sorbonne can +allege against it is, that if there is but a capfull of wind in or +about Paris, 'tis more blasphemously SACRE DIEU'D there than in any +other aperture of the whole city, - and with reason good and +cogent, Messieurs; for it comes against you without crying GARDE +D'EAU, and with such unpremeditable puffs, that of the few who +cross it with their hats on, not one in fifty but hazards two +livres and a half, which is its full worth. + +The poor notary, just as he was passing by the sentry, +instinctively clapp'd his cane to the side of it, but in raising it +up, the point of his cane catching hold of the loop of the +sentinel's hat, hoisted it over the spikes of the ballustrade clear +into the Seine. - + +- 'TIS AN ILL WIND, said a boatman, who catched it, WHICH BLOWS +NOBODY ANY GOOD. + +The sentry, being a Gascon, incontinently twirled up his whiskers, +and levell'd his arquebuss. + +Arquebusses in those days went off with matches; and an old woman's +paper lantern at the end of the bridge happening to be blown out, +she had borrow'd the sentry's match to light it: - it gave a +moment's time for the Gascon's blood to run cool, and turn the +accident better to his advantage. - 'TIS AN ILL WIND, said he, +catching off the notary's castor, and legitimating the capture with +the boatman's adage. + +The poor notary crossed the bridge, and passing along the Rue de +Dauphine into the fauxbourgs of St. Germain, lamented himself as he +walked along in this manner: - + +Luckless man that I am! said the notary, to be the sport of +hurricanes all my days: - to be born to have the storm of ill +language levell'd against me and my profession wherever I go; to be +forced into marriage by the thunder of the church to a tempest of a +woman; - to be driven forth out of my house by domestic winds, and +despoil'd of my castor by pontific ones! - to be here, bareheaded, +in a windy night, at the mercy of the ebbs and flows of accidents! +- Where am I to lay my head? - Miserable man! what wind in the two- +and-thirty points of the whole compass can blow unto thee, as it +does to the rest of thy fellow-creatures, good? + +As the notary was passing on by a dark passage, complaining in this +sort, a voice call'd out to a girl, to bid her run for the next +notary. - Now the notary being the next, and availing himself of +his situation, walk'd up the passage to the door, and passing +through an old sort of a saloon, was usher'd into a large chamber, +dismantled of everything but a long military pike, - a breastplate, +- a rusty old sword, and bandoleer, hung up, equidistant, in four +different places against the wall. + +An old personage who had heretofore been a gentleman, and unless +decay of fortune taints the blood along with it, was a gentleman at +that time, lay supporting his head upon his hand in his bed; a +little table with a taper burning was set close beside it, and +close by the table was placed a chair: - the notary sat him down in +it; and pulling out his inkhorn and a sheet or two of paper which +he had in his pocket, he placed them before him; and dipping his +pen in his ink, and leaning his breast over the table, he disposed +everything to make the gentleman's last will and testament + +Alas! MONSIEUR LE NOTAIRE, said the gentleman, raising himself up +a little, I have nothing to bequeath, which will pay the expense of +bequeathing, except the history of myself, which I could not die in +peace, unless I left it as a legacy to the world: the profits +arising out of it I bequeath to you for the pains of taking it from +me. - It is a story so uncommon, it must be read by all mankind; - +it will make the fortunes of your house. - The notary dipp'd his +pen into his inkhorn. - Almighty Director of every event in my +life! said the old gentleman, looking up earnestly, and raising his +hands towards heaven, - Thou, whose hand has led me on through such +a labyrinth of strange passages down into this scene of desolation, +assist the decaying memory of an old, infirm, and broken-hearted +man; - direct my tongue by the spirit of thy eternal truth, that +this stranger may set down nought but what is written in that BOOK, +from whose records, said he, clasping his hands together, I am to +be condemn'd or acquitted! - the notary held up the point of his +pen betwixt the taper and his eye. - + +It is a story, MONSIEUR LE NOTAIRE, said the gentleman, which will +rouse up every affection in nature; - it will kill the humane, and +touch the heart of Cruelty herself with pity. - + +- The notary was inflamed with a desire to begin, and put his pen a +third time into his ink-horn - and the old gentleman, turning a +little more towards the notary, began to dictate his story in these +words: - + +- And where is the rest of it, La Fleur? said I, as he just then +enter'd the room. + + +THE FRAGMENT, AND THE BOUQUET. (1) PARIS. + + +WHEN La Fleur came up close to the table, and was made to +comprehend what I wanted, he told me there were only two other +sheets of it, which he had wrapped round the stalks of a bouquet to +keep it together, which he had presented to the demoiselle upon the +boulevards. - Then prithee, La Fleur, said I, step back to her to +the Count de B-'s hotel, and see if thou canst get it. - There is +no doubt of it, said La Fleur; - and away he flew. + +In a very little time the poor fellow came back quite out of +breath, with deeper marks of disappointment in his looks than could +arise from the simple irreparability of the fragment. JUSTE CIEL! +in less than two minutes that the poor fellow had taken his last +tender farewell of her - his faithless mistress had given his GAGE +D'AMOUR to one of the Count's footmen, - the footman to a young +sempstress, - and the sempstress to a fiddler, with my fragment at +the end of it. - Our misfortunes were involved together: - I gave a +sigh, - and La Fleur echoed it back again to my ear. + +- How perfidious! cried La Fleur. - How unlucky! said I. + +- I should not have been mortified, Monsieur, quoth La Fleur, if +she had lost it. - Nor I, La Fleur, said I, had I found it. + +Whether I did or no will be seen hereafter. + + +THE ACT OF CHARITY. PARIS. + + +THE man who either disdains or fears to walk up a dark entry may be +an excellent good man, and fit for a hundred things, but he will +not do to make a good Sentimental Traveller. - I count little of +the many things I see pass at broad noonday, in large and open +streets. - Nature is shy, and hates to act before spectators; but +in such an unobserved corner you sometimes see a single short scene +of hers worth all the sentiments of a dozen French plays compounded +together, - and yet they are absolutely fine; - and whenever I have +a more brilliant affair upon my hands than common, as they suit a +preacher just as well as a hero, I generally make my sermon out of +'em; - and for the text, - "Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia +and Pamphylia," - is as good as any one in the Bible. + +There is a long dark passage issuing out from the Opera Comique +into a narrow street; 'tis trod by a few who humbly wait for a +FIACRE, (2) or wish to get off quietly o'foot when the opera is +done. At the end of it, towards the theatre, 'tis lighted by a +small candle, the light of which is almost lost before you get +half-way down, but near the door - 'tis more for ornament than use: +you see it as a fixed star of the least magnitude; it burns, - but +does little good to the world, that we know of. + +In returning along this passage, I discerned, as I approached +within five or six paces of the door, two ladies standing arm-in- +arm with their backs against the wall, waiting, as I imagined, for +a FIACRE; - as they were next the door, I thought they had a prior +right; so edged myself up within a yard or little more of them, and +quietly took my stand. - I was in black, and scarce seen. + +The lady next me was a tall lean figure of a woman, of about +thirty-six; the other of the same size and make, of about forty: +there was no mark of wife or widow in any one part of either of +them; - they seem'd to be two upright vestal sisters, unsapped by +caresses, unbroke in upon by tender salutations. - I could have +wish'd to have made them happy: - their happiness was destin'd that +night, to come from another quarter. + +A low voice, with a good turn of expression, and sweet cadence at +the end of it, begg'd for a twelve-sous piece betwixt them, for the +love of heaven. I thought it singular that a beggar should fix the +quota of an alms - and that the sum should be twelve times as much +as what is usually given in the dark. - They both seemed astonished +at it as much as myself. - Twelve sous! said one. - A twelve-sous +piece! said the other, - and made no reply. + +The poor man said, he knew not how to ask less of ladies of their +rank; and bow'd down his head to the ground. + +Poo! said they, - we have no money. + +The beggar remained silent for a moment or two, and renew'd his +supplication. + +- Do not, my fair young ladies, said he, stop your good ears +against me. - Upon my word, honest man! said the younger, we have +no change. - Then God bless you, said the poor man, and multiply +those joys which you can give to others without change! - I +observed the elder sister put her hand into her pocket. - I'll see, +said she, if I have a sous. A sous! give twelve, said the +supplicant; Nature has been bountiful to you, be bountiful to a +poor man. + +- I would friend, with all my heart, said the younger, if I had it. + +My fair charitable! said he, addressing himself to the elder, - +what is it but your goodness and humanity which makes your bright +eyes so sweet, that they outshine the morning even in this dark +passage? and what was it which made the Marquis de Santerre and his +brother say so much of you both as they just passed by? + +The two ladies seemed much affected; and impulsively, at the same +time they both put their hands into their pocket, and each took out +a twelve-sous piece. + +The contest betwixt them and the poor supplicant was no more; - it +was continued betwixt themselves, which of the two should give the +twelve-sous piece in charity; - and, to end the dispute, they both +gave it together, and the man went away. + + +THE RIDDLE EXPLAINED. PARIS. + + +I STEPPED hastily after him: it was the very man whose success in +asking charity of the women before the door of the hotel had so +puzzled me; - and I found at once his secret, or at least the basis +of it: - 'twas flattery. + +Delicious essence! how refreshing art thou to Nature! how strongly +are all its powers and all its weaknesses on thy side! how sweetly +dost thou mix with the blood, and help it through the most +difficult and tortuous passages to the heart! + +The poor man, as he was not straiten'd for time, had given it here +in a larger dose: 'tis certain he had a way of bringing it into a +less form, for the many sudden cases he had to do with in the +streets: but how he contrived to correct, sweeten, concentre, and +qualify it, - I vex not my spirit with the enquiry; - it is enough +the beggar gained two twelve-sous pieces - and they can best tell +the rest, who have gained much greater matters by it. + + +PARIS. + + +WE get forwards in the world, not so much by doing services, as +receiving them; you take a withering twig, and put it in the +ground; and then you water it, because you have planted it. + +Monsieur le Count de B-, merely because he had done me one kindness +in the affair of my passport, would go on and do me another, the +few days he was at Paris, in making me known to a few people of +rank; and they were to present me to others, and so on. + +I had got master of my SECRET just in time to turn these honours to +some little account; otherwise, as is commonly the case, I should +have dined or supp'd a single time or two round, and then, by +TRANSLATING French looks and attitudes into plain English, I should +presently have seen, that I had hold of the COUVERT (3) of some +more entertaining guest; and in course should have resigned all my +places one after another, merely upon the principle that I could +not keep them. - As it was, things did not go much amiss. + +I had the honour of being introduced to the old Marquis de B-: in +days of yore he had signalized himself by some small feats of +chivalry in the COUR D'AMOUR, and had dress'd himself out to the +idea of tilts and tournaments ever since. - The Marquis de B- +wish'd to have it thought the affair was somewhere else than in his +brain. "He could like to take a trip to England," and asked much +of the English ladies. - Stay where you are, I beseech you, +Monsieur le Marquis, said I. - LES MESSIEURS ANGLOIS can scarce get +a kind look from them as it is. - The Marquis invited me to supper. + +Monsieur P-, the farmer-general, was just as inquisitive about our +taxes. They were very considerable, he heard. - If we knew but how +to collect them, said I, making him a low bow. + +I could never have been invited to Mons. P-'s concerts upon any +other terms. + +I had been misrepresented to Madame de Q- as an ESPRIT. - Madame de +Q- was an ESPRIT herself: she burnt with impatience to see me, and +hear me talk. I had not taken my seat, before I saw she did not +care a sous whether I had any wit or no; - I was let in, to be +convinced she had. I call heaven to witness I never once opened +the door of my lips. + +Madame de V- vow'd to every creature she met - "She had never had a +more improving conversation with a man in her life." + +There are three epochas in the empire of a French woman. - She is +coquette, - then deist, -then DEVOTE: the empire during these is +never lost, - she only changes her subjects when thirty-five years +and more have unpeopled her dominion of the slaves of love, she re- +peoples it with slaves of infidelity, - and then with the slaves of +the church. + +Madame de V- was vibrating betwixt the first of those epochas: the +colour of the rose was fading fast away; - she ought to have been a +deist five years before the time I had the honour to pay my first +visit. + +She placed me upon the same sofa with her, for the sake of +disputing the point of religion more closely. - In short Madame de +V- told me she believed nothing. - I told Madame de V- it might be +her principle, but I was sure it could not be her interest to level +the outworks, without which I could not conceive how such a citadel +as hers could be defended; - that there was not a more dangerous +thing in the world than for a beauty to be a deist; - that it was a +debt I owed my creed not to conceal it from her; - that I had not +been five minutes sat upon the sofa beside her, but I had begun to +form designs; - and what is it, but the sentiments of religion, and +the persuasion they had excited in her breast, which could have +check'd them as they rose up? + +We are not adamant, said I, taking hold of her hand; - and there is +need of all restraints, till age in her own time steals in and lays +them on us. - But my dear lady, said I, kissing her hand, - 'tis +too - too soon. + +I declare I had the credit all over Paris of unperverting Madame de +V-. - She affirmed to Monsieur D- and the Abbe M-, that in one half +hour I had said more for revealed religion, than all their +Encyclopaedia had said against it. - I was listed directly into +Madame de V-'s COTERIE; - and she put off the epocha of deism for +two years. + +I remember it was in this COTERIE, in the middle of a discourse, in +which I was showing the necessity of a FIRST cause, when the young +Count de Faineant took me by the hand to the farthest corner of the +room, to tell me my SOLITAIRE was pinn'd too straight about my +neck. - It should be PLUS BADINANT, said the Count, looking down +upon his own; - but a word, Monsieur Yorick, TO THE WISE - + +And FROM THE WISE, Monsieur le Count, replied I, making him a bow, +- IS ENOUGH. + +The Count de Faineant embraced me with more ardour than ever I was +embraced by mortal man. + +For three weeks together I was of every man's opinion I met. - +PARDI! CE MONSIEUR YORICK A AUTANT D'ESPRIT QUE NOUS AUTRES. - IL +RAISONNE BIEN, said another. - C'EST UN BON ENFANT, said a third. - +And at this price I could have eaten and drank and been merry all +the days of my life at Paris; but 'twas a dishonest RECKONING; - I +grew ashamed of it. - It was the gain of a slave; - every sentiment +of honour revolted against it; - the higher I got, the more was I +forced upon my BEGGARLY SYSTEM; - the better the COTERIE, - the +more children of Art; - I languish'd for those of Nature: and one +night, after a most vile prostitution of myself to half a dozen +different people, I grew sick, - went to bed; - order'd La Fleur to +get me horses in the morning to set out for Italy. + + +MARIA. MOULINES. + + +I NEVER felt what the distress of plenty was in any one shape till +now, - to travel it through the Bourbonnois, the sweetest part of +France, - in the heyday of the vintage, when Nature is pouring her +abundance into every one's lap, and every eye is lifted up, - a +journey, through each step of which Music beats time to LABOUR, and +all her children are rejoicing as they carry in their clusters: to +pass through this with my affections flying out, and kindling at +every group before me, - and every one of them was pregnant with +adventures. - + +Just heaven! - it would fill up twenty volumes; - and alas! I have +but a few small pages left of this to crowd it into, - and half of +these must be taken up with the poor Maria my friend, Mr. Shandy, +met with near Moulines. + +The story he had told of that disordered maid affected me not a +little in the reading; but when I got within the neighbourhood +where she lived, it returned so strong into the mind, that I could +not resist an impulse which prompted me to go half a league out of +the road, to the village where her parents dwelt, to enquire after +her. + +'Tis going, I own, like the Knight of the Woeful Countenance in +quest of melancholy adventures. But I know not how it is, but I am +never so perfectly conscious of the existence of a soul within me, +as when I am entangled in them. + +The old mother came to the door; her looks told me the story before +she open'd her mouth. - She had lost her husband; he had died, she +said, of anguish, for the loss of Maria's senses, about a month +before. - She had feared at first, she added, that it would have +plunder'd her poor girl of what little understanding was left; - +but, on the contrary, it had brought her more to herself: - still, +she could not rest. - Her poor daughter, she said, crying, was +wandering somewhere about the road. + +Why does my pulse beat languid as I write this? and what made La +Fleur, whose heart seem'd only to be tuned to joy, to pass the back +of his hand twice across his eyes, as the woman stood and told it? +I beckoned to the postilion to turn back into the road. + +When we had got within half a league of Moulines, at a little +opening in the road leading to a thicket, I discovered poor Maria +sitting under a poplar. She was sitting with her elbow in her lap, +and her head leaning on one side within her hand: - a small brook +ran at the foot of the tree. + +I bid the postilion go on with the chaise to Moulines - and La +Fleur to bespeak my supper; - and that I would walk after him. + +She was dress'd in white, and much as my friend described her, +except that her hair hung loose, which before was twisted within a +silk net. - She had superadded likewise to her jacket, a pale green +riband, which fell across her shoulder to the waist; at the end of +which hung her pipe. - Her goat had been as faithless as her lover; +and she had got a little dog in lieu of him, which she had kept +tied by a string to her girdle: as I looked at her dog, she drew +him towards her with the string. - "Thou shalt not leave me, +Sylvio," said she. I look'd in Maria's eyes and saw she was +thinking more of her father than of her lover, or her little goat; +for, as she utter'd them, the tears trickled down her cheeks. + +I sat down close by her; and Maria let me wipe them away as they +fell, with my handkerchief. - I then steep'd it in my own, - and +then in hers, - and then in mine, - and then I wip'd hers again; - +and as I did it, I felt such undescribable emotions within me, as I +am sure could not be accounted for from any combinations of matter +and motion. + +I am positive I have a soul; nor can all the books with which +materialists have pester'd the world ever convince me to the +contrary. + + +MARIA. + + +WHEN Maria had come a little to herself, I ask'd her if she +remembered a pale thin person of a man, who had sat down betwixt +her and her goat about two years before? She said she was +unsettled much at that time, but remembered it upon two accounts: - +that ill as she was, she saw the person pitied her; and next, that +her goat had stolen his handkerchief, and she had beat him for the +theft; - she had wash'd it, she said, in the brook, and kept it +ever since in her pocket to restore it to him in case she should +ever see him again, which, she added, he had half promised her. As +she told me this, she took the handkerchief out of her pocket to +let me see it; she had folded it up neatly in a couple of vine +leaves, tied round with a tendril; - on opening it, I saw an S. +marked in one of the corners. + +She had since that, she told me, stray'd as far as Rome, and walk'd +round St. Peter's once, - and return'd back; - that she found her +way alone across the Apennines; - had travell'd over all Lombardy, +without money, - and through the flinty roads of Savoy without +shoes: - how she had borne it, and how she had got supported, she +could not tell; - but GOD TEMPERS THE WIND, said Maria, TO THE +SHORN LAMB. + +Shorn indeed! and to the quick, said I: and wast thou in my own +land, where I have a cottage, I would take thee to it, and shelter +thee: thou shouldst eat of my own bread and drink of my own cup; - +I would be kind to thy Sylvio; - in all thy weaknesses and +wanderings I would seek after thee and bring thee back; - when the +sun went down I would say my prayers: and when I had done thou +shouldst play thy evening song upon thy pipe, nor would the incense +of my sacrifice be worse accepted for entering heaven along with +that of a broken heart! + +Nature melted within me, as I utter'd this; and Maria observing, as +I took out my handkerchief, that it was steep'd too much already to +be of use, would needs go wash it in the stream. - And where will +you dry it, Maria? said I. - I'll dry it in my bosom, said she: - +'twill do me good. + +And is your heart still so warm, Maria? said I. + +I touch'd upon the string on which hung all her sorrows: - she +look'd with wistful disorder for some time in my face; and then, +without saying any thing, took her pipe and play'd her service to +the Virgin. - The string I had touched ceased to vibrate; - in a +moment or two Maria returned to herself, - let her pipe fall, - and +rose up. + +And where are you going, Maria? said I. - She said, to Moulines. - +Let us go, said I, together. - Maria put her arm within mine, and +lengthening the string, to let the dog follow, - in that order we +enter'd Moulines. + + +MARIA. MOULINES. + + +THOUGH I hate salutations and greetings in the market-place, yet, +when we got into the middle of this, I stopp'd to take my last look +and last farewell of Maria. + +Maria, though not tall, was nevertheless of the first order of fine +forms: - affliction had touched her looks with something that was +scarce earthly; - still she was feminine; - and so much was there +about her of all that the heart wishes, or the eye looks for in +woman, that could the traces be ever worn out of her brain, and +those of Eliza out of mine, she should NOT ONLY EAT OF MY BREAD AND +DRINK OF MY OWN CUP, but Maria should lie in my bosom, and be unto +me as a daughter. + +Adieu, poor luckless maiden! - Imbibe the oil and wine which the +compassion of a stranger, as he journeyeth on his way, now pours +into thy wounds; - the Being, who has twice bruised thee, can only +bind them up for ever. + + +THE BOURBONNNOIS. + + +THERE was nothing from which I had painted out for my self so +joyous a riot of the affections, as in this journey in the vintage, +through this part of France; but pressing through this gate, of +sorrow to it, my sufferings have totally unfitted me. In every +scene of festivity, I saw Maria in the background of the piece, +sitting pensive under her poplar; and I had got almost to Lyons +before I was able to cast a shade across her. + +- Dear Sensibility! source inexhausted of all that's precious in +our joys, or costly in our sorrows! thou chainest thy martyr down +upon his bed of straw - and 'tis thou who lift'st him up to Heaven! +- Eternal Fountain of our feelings! - 'tis here I trace thee - and +this is thy "DIVINITY WHICH STIRS WITHIN ME;" - not that, in some +sad and sickening moments, "MY SOUL SHRINKS BACK UPON HERSELF, AND +STARTLES AT DESTRUCTION;" - mere pomp of words! - but that I feel +some generous joys and generous cares beyond myself; - all comes +from thee, great - great SENSORIUM of the world! which vibrates, if +a hair of our heads but falls upon the ground, in the remotest +desert of thy creation. - Touch'd with thee, Eugenius draws my +curtain when I languish - hears my tale of symptoms, and blames the +weather for the disorder of his nerves. Thou giv'st a portion of +it sometimes to the roughest peasant who traverses the bleakest +mountains; - he finds the lacerated lamb of another's flock. - This +moment I behold him leaning with his head against his crook, with +piteous inclination looking down upon it! - Oh! had I come one +moment sooner! it bleeds to death! - his gentle heart bleeds with +it. - + +Peace to thee, generous swain! - I see thou walkest off with +anguish, - but thy joys shall balance it; - for, happy is thy +cottage, - and happy is the sharer of it, - and happy are the lambs +which sport about you! + + +THE SUPPER. + + +A SHOE coming loose from the fore foot of the thill-horse, at the +beginning of the ascent of mount Taurira, the postilion dismounted, +twisted the shoe off, and put it in his pocket; as the ascent was +of five or six miles, and that horse our main dependence, I made a +point of having the shoe fastened on again, as well as we could; +but the postilion had thrown away the nails, and the hammer in the +chaise box being of no great use without them, I submitted to go +on. + +He had not mounted half a mile higher, when, coming to a flinty +piece of road, the poor devil lost a second shoe, and from off his +other fore foot. I then got out of the chaise in good earnest; and +seeing a house about a quarter of a mile to the left hand, with a +great deal to do I prevailed upon the postilion to turn up to it. +The look of the house, and of every thing about it, as we drew +nearer, soon reconciled me to the disaster. - It was a little farm- +house, surrounded with about twenty acres of vineyard, about as +much corn; - and close to the house, on one side, was a POTAGERIE +of an acre and a half, full of everything which could make plenty +in a French peasant's house; - and, on the other side, was a little +wood, which furnished wherewithal to dress it. It was about eight +in the evening when I got to the house - so I left the postilion to +manage his point as he could; - and, for mine, I walked directly +into the house. + +The family consisted of an old grey-headed man and his wife, with +five or six sons and sons-in-law, and their several wives, and a +joyous genealogy out of them. + +They were all sitting down together to their lentil-soup; a large +wheaten loaf was in the middle of the table; and a flagon of wine +at each end of it promised joy through the stages of the repast: - +'twas a feast of love. + +The old man rose up to meet me, and with a respectful cordiality +would have me sit down at the table; my heart was set down the +moment I enter'd the room; so I sat down at once like a son of the +family; and to invest myself in the character as speedily as I +could, I instantly borrowed the old man's knife, and taking up the +loaf, cut myself a hearty luncheon; and, as I did it, I saw a +testimony in every eye, not only of an honest welcome, but of a +welcome mix'd with thanks that I had not seem'd to doubt it. + +Was it this? or tell me, Nature, what else it was that made this +morsel so sweet, - and to what magic I owe it, that the draught I +took of their flagon was so delicious with it, that they remain +upon my palate to this hour? + +If the supper was to my taste, - the grace which followed it was +much more so. + + +THE GRACE. + + +WHEN supper was over, the old man gave a knock upon the table with +the haft of his knife, to bid them prepare for the dance: the +moment the signal was given, the women and girls ran altogether +into a back apartment to tie up their hair, - and the young men to +the door to wash their faces, and change their sabots; and in three +minutes every soul was ready upon a little esplanade before the +house to begin. - The old man and his wife came out last, and +placing me betwixt them, sat down upon a sofa of turf by the door. + +The old man had some fifty years ago been no mean performer upon +the vielle, - and at the age he was then of, touch'd it well enough +for the purpose. His wife sung now and then a little to the tune, +- then intermitted, - and join'd her old man again, as their +children and grand-children danced before them. + +It was not till the middle of the second dance, when, from some +pauses in the movements, wherein they all seemed to look up, I +fancied I could distinguish an elevation of spirit different from +that which is the cause or the effect of simple jollity. In a +word, I thought I beheld RELIGION mixing in the dance: - but, as I +had never seen her so engaged, I should have look'd upon it now as +one of the illusions of an imagination which is eternally +misleading me, had not the old man, as soon as the dance ended, +said, that this was their constant way; and that all his life long +he had made it a rule, after supper was over, to call out his +family to dance and rejoice; believing, he said, that a cheerful +and contented mind was the best sort of thanks to heaven that an +illiterate peasant could pay, - + +Or a learned prelate either, said I. + + +THE CASE OF DELICACY. + + +WHEN you have gained the top of Mount Taurira, you run presently +down to Lyons: - adieu, then, to all rapid movements! 'Tis a +journey of caution; and it fares better with sentiments, not to be +in a hurry with them; so I contracted with a voiturin to take his +time with a couple of mules, and convoy me in my own chaise safe to +Turin, through Savoy. + +Poor, patient, quiet, honest people! fear not: your poverty, the +treasury of your simple virtues, will not be envied you by the +world, nor will your valleys be invaded by it. - Nature! in the +midst of thy disorders, thou art still friendly to the scantiness +thou hast created: with all thy great works about thee, little hast +thou left to give, either to the scythe or to the sickle; - but to +that little thou grantest safety and protection; and sweet are the +dwellings which stand so shelter'd. + +Let the way-worn traveller vent his complaints upon the sudden +turns and dangers of your roads, - your rocks, - your precipices; - +the difficulties of getting up, - the horrors of getting down, - +mountains impracticable, - and cataracts, which roll down great +stones from their summits, and block his road up. - The peasants +had been all day at work in removing a fragment of this kind +between St. Michael and Madane; and, by the time my voiturin got to +the place, it wanted full two hours of completing before a passage +could any how be gain'd: there was nothing but to wait with +patience; - 'twas a wet and tempestuous night; so that by the +delay, and that together, the voiturin found himself obliged to put +up five miles short of his stage at a little decent kind of an inn +by the roadside. + +I forthwith took possession of my bedchamber - got a good fire - +order'd supper; and was thanking heaven it was no worse, when a +voiture arrived with a lady in it and her servant maid. + +As there was no other bed-chamber in the house, the hostess, - +without much nicety, led them into mine, telling them, as she +usher'd them in, that there was nobody in it but an English +gentleman; - that there were two good beds in it, and a closet +within the room which held another. The accent in which she spoke +of this third bed, did not say much for it; - however, she said +there were three beds and but three people, and she durst say, the +gentleman would do anything to accommodate matters. - I left not +the lady a moment to make a conjecture about it - so instantly made +a declaration that I would do anything in my power. + +As this did not amount to an absolute surrender of my bed-chamber, +I still felt myself so much the proprietor, as to have a right to +do the honours of it; - so I desired the lady to sit down, - +pressed her into the warmest seat, - called for more wood, - +desired the hostess to enlarge the plan of the supper, and to +favour us with the very best wine. + +The lady had scarce warm'd herself five minutes at the fire, before +she began to turn her head back, and give a look at the beds; and +the oftener she cast her eyes that way, the more they return'd +perplexd; - I felt for her - and for myself: for in a few minutes, +what by her looks, and the case itself, I found myself as much +embarrassed as it was possible the lady could be herself. + +That the beds we were to lie in were in one and the same room, was +enough simply by itself to have excited all this; - but the +position of them, for they stood parallel, and so very close to +each other as only to allow space for a small wicker chair betwixt +them, rendered the affair still more oppressive to us; - they were +fixed up moreover near the fire; and the projection of the chimney +on one side, and a large beam which cross'd the room on the other, +formed a kind of recess for them that was no way favourable to the +nicety of our sensations: - if anything could have added to it, it +was that the two beds were both of them so very small, as to cut us +off from every idea of the lady and the maid lying together; which +in either of them, could it have been feasible, my lying beside +them, though a thing not to be wish'd, yet there was nothing in it +so terrible which the imagination might not have pass'd over +without torment. + +As for the little room within, it offer'd little or no consolation +to us: 'twas a damp, cold closet, with a half dismantled window- +shutter, and with a window which had neither glass nor oil paper in +it to keep out the tempest of the night. I did not endeavour to +stifle my cough when the lady gave a peep into it; so it reduced +the case in course to this alternative - That the lady should +sacrifice her health to her feelings, and take up with the closet +herself, and abandon the bed next mine to her maid, - or that the +girl should take the closet, &c., &c. + +The lady was a Piedmontese of about thirty, with a glow of health +in her cheeks. The maid was a Lyonoise of twenty, and as brisk and +lively a French girl as ever moved. - There were difficulties every +way, - and the obstacle of the stone in the road, which brought us +into the distress, great as it appeared whilst the peasants were +removing it, was but a pebble to what lay in our ways now. - I have +only to add, that it did not lessen the weight which hung upon our +spirits, that we were both too delicate to communicate what we felt +to each other upon the occasion. + +We sat down to supper; and had we not had more generous wine to it +than a little inn in Savoy could have furnish'd, our tongues had +been tied up, till necessity herself had set them at liberty; - but +the lady having a few bottles of Burgundy in her voiture, sent down +her FILLE DE CHAMBRE for a couple of them; so that by the time +supper was over, and we were left alone, we felt ourselves inspired +with a strength of mind sufficient to talk, at least, without +reserve upon our situation. We turn'd it every way, and debated +and considered it in all kinds of lights in the course of a two +hours' negotiation; at the end of which the articles were settled +finally betwixt us, and stipulated for in form and manner of a +treaty of peace, - and I believe with as much religion and good +faith on both sides as in any treaty which has yet had the honour +of being handed down to posterity. + +They were as follow: - + +First, as the right of the bed-chamber is in Monsieur, - and he +thinking the bed next to the fire to be the warmest, he insists +upon the concession on the lady's side of taking up with it. + +Granted, on the part of Madame; with a proviso, That as the +curtains of that bed are of a flimsy transparent cotton, and appear +likewise too scanty to draw close, that the FILLE DE CHAMBRE shall +fasten up the opening, either by corking pins, or needle and +thread, in such manner as shall be deem'd a sufficient barrier on +the side of Monsieur. + +2dly. It is required on the part of Madame, that Monsieur shall +lie the whole night through in his ROBE DE CHAMBRE. + +Rejected: inasmuch as Monsieur is not worth a ROBE DE CHAMBRE; he +having nothing in his portmanteau but six shirts and a black silk +pair of breeches. + +The mentioning the silk pair of breeches made an entire change of +the article, - for the breeches were accepted as an equivalent for +the ROBE DE CHAMBRE; and so it was stipulated and agreed upon, that +I should lie in my black silk breeches all night. + +3dly. It was insisted upon and stipulated for by the lady, that +after Monsieur was got to bed, and the candle and fire +extinguished, that Monsieur should not speak one single word the +whole night. + +Granted; provided Monsieur's saying his prayers might not be deemed +an infraction of the treaty. + +There was but one point forgot in this treaty, and that was the +manner in which the lady and myself should be obliged to undress +and get to bed; - there was but one way of doing it, and that I +leave to the reader to devise; protesting as I do it, that if it is +not the most delicate in nature, 'tis the fault of his own +imagination, - against which this is not my first complaint. + +Now, when we were got to bed, whether it was the novelty of the +situation, or what it was, I know not; but so it was, I could not +shut my eyes; I tried this side, and that, and turn'd and turn'd +again, till a full hour after midnight; when Nature and patience +both wearing out, - O, my God! said I. + +- You have broke the treaty, Monsieur, said the lady, who had no +more slept than myself. - I begg'd a thousand pardons - but +insisted it was no more than an ejaculation. She maintained 'twas +an entire infraction of the treaty - I maintained it was provided +for in the clause of the third article. + +The lady would by no means give up her point, though she weaken'd +her barrier by it; for in the warmth of the dispute, I could hear +two or three corking pins fall out of the curtain to the ground. + +Upon my word and honour, Madame, said I, - stretching my arm out of +bed by way of asseveration. - + +(I was going to have added, that I would not have trespassed +against the remotest idea of decorum for the world); - + +But the FILLE DE CHAMBRE hearing there were words between us, and +fearing that hostilities would ensue in course, had crept silently +out of her closet, and it being totally dark, had stolen so close +to our beds, that she had got herself into the narrow passage which +separated them, and had advanced so far up as to be in a line +betwixt her mistress and me: - + +So that when I stretch'd out my hand I caught hold of the FILLE DE +CHAMBRE'S - + + +Footnotes: + +(1) Nosegay. + +(2) Hackney coach. + +(3) Plate, napkin, knife, fork and spoon. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg eText A Sentimental Journey through +France and Italy + |