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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Diary of a U-boat Commander, by  Anon
+
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+**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
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+
+Title: The Diary of a U-boat Commander
+
+Author:  Anon
+
+Release Date: April, 2005  [EBook #7947]
+[This file was first posted on June 4, 2003]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: US-ASCII
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER ***
+
+
+
+
+Eric Eldred, Marvin A. Hodges, Charles Franks, and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+THE DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER
+
+WITH AN INTRODUCTION AND EXPLANATORY NOTES BY ETIENNE
+
+AND
+
+_18 Illustrations on Art Paper by Frank H. Mason._
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife
+through cheese."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+BOOKS BY ETIENNE
+
+STRANGE TALES FROM THE FLEET
+
+A NAVAL LIEUTENANT
+
+1914--1918.
+
+"In collaboration with Navallus.
+
+Five Songs from the Grand Fleet."
+
+[Illustration: "...they are so black and swift I don't go near them."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+"We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife through
+cheese"
+
+"...they are so black and swift I don't go near them"
+
+"Steering north-westerly ... to lay a small minefield off Newcastle"
+
+"He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer approaching at full
+speed to ram"
+
+"We were put down by a trawler at dawn"
+
+"The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of
+the steamer and had then dived under her"
+
+"A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck the bottom"
+
+"As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam"
+
+"We hit her aft for the second time...."
+
+"The track met our ram"
+
+"In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower"
+
+"The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down"
+
+"Good-bye! Steer west for America!"
+
+"It is a snug anchorage, and here I intend to remain"
+
+"A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign was broken at the
+fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure that was revealed
+on her side"
+
+"I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers there...."
+
+"... when there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with
+moaning fragments"
+
+"When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed
+with patrols"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+
+"I would ask you a favour," said the German captain, as we sat in the
+cabin of a U-boat which had just been added to the long line of
+bedraggled captives which stretched themselves for a mile or more in
+Harwich Harbour, in November, 1918.
+
+I made no reply; I had just granted him a favour by allowing him to
+leave the upper deck of the submarine, in order that he might await the
+motor launch in some sort of privacy; why should he ask for more?
+
+Undeterred by my silence, he continued: "I have a great friend,
+Lieutenant-zu-See Von Schenk, who brought U.122 over last week; he has
+lost a diary, quite private, he left it in error; can he have it?"
+
+I deliberated, felt a certain pity, then remembered the _Belgian
+Prince_ and other things, and so, looking the German in the face, I
+said:
+
+"I can do nothing."
+
+"Please."
+
+I shook my head, then, to my astonishment, the German placed his head
+in his hands and wept, his massive frame (for he was a very big man)
+shook in irregular spasms; it was a most extraordinary spectacle.
+
+It seemed to me absurd that a man who had suffered, without visible
+emotion, the monstrous humiliation of handing over his command intact,
+should break down over a trivial incident concerning a diary, and not
+even his own diary, and yet there was this man crying openly before me.
+
+It rather impressed me, and I felt a curious shyness at being present,
+as if I had stumbled accidentally into some private recess of his mind.
+I closed the cabin door, for I heard the voices of my crew approaching.
+
+He wept for some time, perhaps ten minutes, and I wished very much to
+know of what he was thinking, but I couldn't imagine how it would be
+possible to find out.
+
+I think that my behaviour in connection with his friend's diary added
+the last necessary drop of water to the floods of emotion which he had
+striven, and striven successfully, to hold in check during the agony of
+handing over the boat, and now the dam had crumbled and broken away.
+
+It struck me that, down in the brilliantly-lit, stuffy little cabin,
+the result of the war was epitomized. On the table were some
+instruments I had forbidden him to remove, but which my first
+lieutenant had discovered in the engineer officer's bag.
+
+On the settee lay a cheap, imitation leather suit-case, containing his
+spare clothes and a few books. At the table sat Germany in defeat,
+weeping, but not the tears of repentance, rather the tears of bitter
+regret for humiliations undergone and ambitions unrealized.
+
+We did not speak again, for I heard the launch come alongside, and, as
+she bumped against the U-boat, the noise echoed through the hull into
+the cabin, and aroused him from his sorrows. He wiped his eyes, and,
+with an attempt at his former hardiness, he followed me on deck and
+boarded the motor launch.
+
+Next day I visited U.122, and these papers are presented to the public,
+with such additional remarks as seemed desirable; for some curious
+reason the author seems to have omitted nearly all dates. This may have
+been due to the fear that the book, if captured, would be of great
+value to the British Intelligence Department if the entries were dated.
+The papers are in the form of two volumes in black leather binding,
+with a long letter inside the cover of the second volume.
+
+_Internal evidence has permitted me to add the dates as regards the
+years. My thanks are due to K. for assistance in translation_.
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Diary of a U-boat Commander
+
+
+
+
+One volume of my war-journal completed, and I must confess it is dull
+reading.
+
+I could not help smiling as I read my enthusiastic remarks at the
+outbreak of war, when we visualized battles by the week. What a
+contrast between our expectations and the actual facts.
+
+Months of monotony, and I haven't even seen an Englishman yet.
+
+Our battle cruisers have had a little amusement with the coast raids at
+Scarborough and elsewhere, but we battle-fleet fellows have seen
+nothing, and done nothing.
+
+So I have decided to volunteer for the U-boat service, and my name went
+in last week, though I am told it may be months before I am taken, as
+there are about 250 lieutenants already on the waiting list.
+
+But sooner or later I suppose something will come of it.
+
+I shall have no cause to complain of inactivity in that Service, if I
+get there.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am off to-night for a six-days trip, two days of which are to be
+spent in the train, to the Verdun sector.
+
+It has been a great piece of luck. The trip had been arranged by the
+Military and Naval Inter-communication Department; and two officers
+from this squadron were to go.
+
+There were 130 candidates, so we drew lots; as usual I was lucky and
+drew one of the two chances.
+
+It should be intensely interesting.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_At_ ----
+
+
+I arrived here last night after a slow and tiresome journey, which was
+somewhat alleviated by an excellent bottle of French wine which I
+purchased whilst in the Champagne district.
+
+Long before we reached the vicinity of Verdun it was obvious to the
+most casual observer that we were heading for a centre of unusual
+activity.
+
+Hospital trains travelling north-east and east were numerous, and twice
+our train, which was one of the ordinary military trains, was shunted
+on to a siding to allow troop trains to rumble past.
+
+As we approached Verdun the noise of artillery, which I had heard
+distantly once or twice during the day, as the casual railway train
+approached the front, became more intense and grew from a low murmur
+into a steady noise of a kind of growling description, punctuated at
+irregular intervals by very deep booms as some especially heavy piece
+was discharged, or an ammunition dump went up.
+
+The country here is very different from the mud flats of Flanders, as
+it is hilly and well wooded. The Meuse, in the course of centuries, has
+cut its way through the rampart of hills which surround Verdun, and we
+are attacking the place from three directions. On the north we are
+slowly forcing the French back on either river bank--a very costly
+proceeding, as each wing must advance an equal amount, or the one that
+advances is enfiladed from across the river.
+
+We are also slowly creeping forward from the east and north-east in the
+direction of Douaumont.
+
+I am attached to a 105-cm. battery, a young Major von Markel in
+command, a most charming fellow. I spent all to-day in the advanced
+observing position with a young subaltern called Grabel, also a nice
+young fellow. I was in position at 6 a.m., and, as apparently is common
+here, mist hides everything from view until the sun attains a certain
+strength. Our battery was supporting the attack on the north side of
+the river, though the battery itself was on the south side, and firing
+over a hill called L'Homme Mort.
+
+Von Markel told me that the fighting here has not been previously
+equalled in the war, such is the intensity of the combat and the price
+each side is paying.
+
+I could see for myself that this was so, and the whole atmosphere of
+the place is pregnant with the supreme importance of this struggle,
+which may well be the dying convulsions of decadent France.
+
+His Imperial Majesty himself has arrived on the scene to witness the
+final triumph of our arms, and all agree that the end is imminent.
+
+Once we get Verdun, it is the general opinion that this portion of the
+French front will break completely, carrying with it the adjacent
+sectors, and the French Armies in the Vosges and Argonne will be
+committed to a general retreat on converging lines.
+
+But, favourable as this would be to us, it is generally considered here
+that the fall of Verdun will break the moral resistance of the French
+nation.
+
+The feeling is, that infinitely more is involved than the capture of a
+French town, or even the destruction of a French Army; it is a question
+of stamina; it is the climax of the world war, the focal point of the
+colossal struggle between the Latin and the Teuton, and on the
+battlefields of Verdun the gods will decide the destinies of nations.
+
+When I got to the forward observing position, which was situated among
+the ruins of a house, a most amazing noise made conversation difficult.
+
+The orchestra was in full blast and something approaching 12,000 pieces
+of all sizes were in action on our side alone, this being the greatest
+artillery concentration yet effected during the war.
+
+We were situated on one side of a valley which ran up at right angles
+to the river, whose actual course was hidden by mist, which also
+obscured the bottom of our valley. The front line was down in this
+little valley, and as I arrived we lifted our barrage on to the far
+hill-side to cover an attack which we were delivering at dawn.
+
+Nothing could be seen of the conflict down below, but after half an
+hour we received orders to bring back our barrage again, and Grabel
+informed me that the attack had evidently failed. This afternoon I
+heard that it was indeed so, and that one division (the 58th), which
+had tried to work along the river bank and outflank the hill, had been
+caught by a concentration of six batteries of French 75's, which were
+situated across the river. The unfortunate 58th, forced back from the
+river-side, had heroically fought their way up the side of the hill,
+only to encounter our barrage, which, owing to the mist, we thought was
+well above and ahead of where they would be.
+
+Under this fresh blow the 58th had retired to their trenches at the
+bottom of the small valley. As the day warmed up the mist disappeared,
+and, like a theatre curtain, the lifting of this veil revealed the
+whole scene in its terrible and yet mechanical splendour.
+
+I say mechanical, for it all seemed unreal to me. I knew I should not
+see cavalry charges, guns in the open, and all the old-world panoply of
+war, but I was not prepared for this barren and shell-torn circle of
+hills, continually being freshly, and, to an uninformed observer,
+aimlessly lashed by shell fire.
+
+Not a man in sight, though below us the ground was thickly strewn with
+corpses. Overhead a few aeroplanes circled round amidst balls of white
+shell bursts.
+
+During the day the slow-circling aeroplanes (which were artillery
+observing machines) were galvanized into frightful activity by the
+sudden appearance of a fighting machine on one side or the other; this
+happened several times; it reminded me of a pike amongst young trout.
+
+After lunch I saw a Spad shot down in flames, it was like Lucifer
+falling down from high heavens. The whole scene was enframed by a
+sluggish line of observation balloons.
+
+Sometimes groups of these would hastily sink to earth, to rise again
+when the menace of the aeroplane had passed. These balloons seemed more
+like phlegmatic spectators at some athletic contest than actual
+participants in the events.
+
+I wish my pen could convey to paper the varied impressions created
+within my mind in the course of the past day; but it cannot. I have the
+consolation that, though I think that I have considerable ability as a
+writer, yet abler pens than mine have abandoned in despair the task of
+describing a modern battle.
+
+I can but reiterate that the dominant impression that remains is of the
+mechanical nature of this business of modern war, and yet such an
+impression is a false one, for as in the past so to-day, and so in the
+future, it is the human element which is, has been, and will be the
+foundation of all things.
+
+Once only in the course of the day did I see men in any numbers, and
+that was when at 3 p.m. the French were detected massing for a
+counter-attack on the south side of the river. It was doomed to be
+still-born. As they left their trenches, distant pigmy figures in
+horizon blue, apparently plodding slowly across the ground, they were
+lashed by an intensive barrage and the little figures were obliterated
+in a series of spouting shell bursts.
+
+Five minutes later the barrage ceased, the smoke drifted away and not a
+man was to be seen. Grabel told me that it had probably cost them 750
+casualties. What an amazing and efficient destruction of living
+organism!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Another most interesting day, though of a different nature.
+
+To-day was spent witnessing the arrangements for dealing with the
+wounded. I spent the morning at an advanced dressing station on the
+south bank of the river. It was in a cellar, beneath the ruins of a
+house, about 400 yards from the front line and under heavy shell-fire,
+as close at hand was the remains of what had been a wood, which was
+being used as a concentration point for reserves.
+
+The cover afforded by this so-called wood was extremely slight, and the
+troops were concentrating for the innumerable attacks and
+counter-attacks which were taking place under shell fire. This caused
+the surgeon in charge of the cellar to describe the wood as our main
+supply station!
+
+I entered the cellar at 8 a.m., taking advantage of a partial lull in
+the shelling, but a machine-gun bullet viciously flipped into a wooden
+beam at the entrance as I ducked to go in. I was not sorry to get
+underground. A sloping path brought me into the cellar, on one side of
+which sappers were digging away the earth to increase the
+accommodation.
+
+The illumination consisted of candles set in bottles and some electric
+hand lamps. The centre of the cellar was occupied by two portable
+operating tables, rarely untenanted during the three hours I spent in
+this hell.
+
+The atmosphere--for there was no ventilation--stank of sweat, blood,
+and chloroform.
+
+By a powerful effort I countered my natural tendency to vomit, and
+looked around me. The sides of the cellar were lined with figures on
+stretchers. Some lay still and silent, others writhed and groaned. At
+intervals, one of the attendants would call the doctor's attention to
+one of the still forms. A hasty examination ensued, and the stretcher
+and its contents were removed. A few minutes later the stretcher--
+empty--returned. The surgeon explained to me that there was no room
+for corpses in the cellar; business, he genially remarked, was too
+brisk at the present crucial stage of the great battle.
+
+The first feelings of revulsion having been mastered, I determined to
+make the most of my opportunities, as I have always felt that the naval
+officer is at a great disadvantage in war as compared with his
+military brother, in that he but rarely has a chance of accustoming
+himself to the unpleasant spectacle of torn flesh and bones.
+
+This morning there was no lack of material, and many of the intestinal
+wounds were peculiarly revolting, so that at lunch-time, when another
+convenient lull in the torrent of shell fire enabled me to leave the
+cellar, I felt thoroughly hardened; in fact I had assisted in a humble
+degree at one or two operations.
+
+I had lunch at the 11th Army Medical Headquarters Mess, and it was a
+sumptuous meal to which I did full justice.
+
+After lunch, whilst waiting to be motored to a field hospital, I
+happened to see a battalion of Silesian troops about to go up to the
+front line.
+
+It was rather curious feeling that one was looking at men, each in
+himself a unit of civilization, and yet many of whom were about to die
+in the interests thereof.
+
+Their faces were an interesting study.
+
+Some looked careless and debonair, and seemed to swing past with a
+touch of recklessness in their stride, others were grave and serious,
+and seemed almost to plod forward to the dictates of an inevitable
+fatalism.
+
+The field hospital, where we met some very charming nurses, on one of
+whom I think I created a distinct impression, was not particularly
+interesting. It was clean, well-organized and radiated the efficiency
+inseparable from the German Army.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Back at Wilhelmshaven--curse it!
+
+Yesterday morning, when about to start on a tour of the ammunition
+supply arrangements, I received an urgent wire recalling me at once!
+
+There was nothing for it but to obey.
+
+I was lucky enough to get a passage as far as Mons in an albatross
+scout which was taking dispatches to that place.
+
+From there I managed to bluff a motor car out of the town commandant--a
+most obliging fellow. This took me to Aachen where I got an express.
+
+The reason for my recall was that Witneisser went sick and Arnheim
+being away, this has left only two in the operations ciphering
+department.
+
+My arrival has made us three. It is pretty strenuous work and, being of
+a clerical nature, suits me little. The only consolation is that many
+of the messages are most interesting. I was looking through the back
+files the other day and amongst other interesting information I came
+across the wireless report from the boat that had sunk the _Lusitania_.
+
+It has always been a mystery to me why we sank her, as I do not believe
+those things pay.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Arnheim has come back, so I have got out of the ciphering department,
+to my great delight.
+
+I have received official information that my application for U-boats
+has been received. Meanwhile all there is to do is to sit at
+this ---- hole and wait.
+
+
+
+
+_2nd June_, 1916.
+
+
+I have fought in the greatest sea battle of the ages; it has been a
+wonderful and terrible experience.
+
+All the details of the battle will be history, but I feel that I must
+place on record my personal experiences.
+
+We have not escaped without marks, and the good old _Koenig_ brought 67
+dead and 125 wounded into port as the price of the victory off
+Skajerack, but of the English there are thousands who slept their last
+sleep in the wrecked hulls of the battle cruisers which will rust for
+eternal ages upon the Jutland banks.
+
+Sad as our losses are--and the gallant _Lutzow_ has sunk in sight of
+home--I am filled with pride.
+
+We have met that great armada the British Fleet, we have struck them
+with a hammer blow and we have returned. I was asleep in my cabin when
+the news came that Hipper was coming south with the British battle
+cruisers on his beam. In five minutes we were at our action stations.
+We made contact with Hipper at 5.30 p.m., [1] and Beatty turned north
+with his cruisers and fast battleships and we pursued.
+
+[Footnote 1: This is 4.30 G.M.T.--Etienne]
+
+Two of the great ships had been sunk by our battle cruisers, and we had
+hopes of destroying the remainder, when at 6.55 the mist on the
+northern horizon was pierced by the formidable line of the British
+Battle Fleet.
+
+Jellicoe had arrived!
+
+Three battle cruisers became involved between the lines, and in an
+instant one was blown up, and another crawled west in a sinking
+condition. Sudden and terrible are events in a modern sea-battle.
+
+Confronted with the concentrated force of Britain's Battle Fleet we
+turned to east, and for twenty minutes our High Seas Fleet sustained
+the unequal contest.
+
+It was during this period that we were hit seventeen times by heavy
+shell, though, in my position in the after torpedo control tower, I
+only realized one hit had taken place, which was when a shell plunged
+into the after turret and, blowing the roof off, killed every member of
+the turret's crew.
+
+From my position, when the smoke and dust had blown away, I looked down
+into a mass of twisted machinery, amongst which I seemed to detect the
+charred remains of bodies.
+
+At about 7.40 we turned, under cover of our smoke screen, and steered
+south-west.
+
+Our position was not satisfactory, as the last information of the enemy
+reported them as turning to the southward; consequently they were
+between us and Heligoland.
+
+At 11 p.m. we received a signal for divisions of battle fleets to steer
+independently for the Horn Reef swept channel.
+
+Ten minutes later we underwent the first of five destroyer attacks.
+
+The British destroyers, searching wide in the night, had located us,
+and with desperate gallantry pressed home the attack again and again.
+So close did they come that about 1.30 a.m. we rammed one, passing
+through her like a knife through a cheese.
+
+It was a wonderful spectacle to see those sinister craft, rushing madly
+to their destruction down the bright beam of our powerful searchlights.
+It was an avenue of death for them, but to the credit of their Service
+it must stand that throughout the long nightmare they did not hesitate.
+
+The surrounding darkness seemed to vomit forth flotilla after flotilla
+of these cavalry of the sea.
+
+And they struck us once, a torpedo right forward, which will keep us in
+dock for a month, but did no vital injury.
+
+When morning dawned, misty and soft, as is its way in June in the
+Bight, we were to the eastward of the British, and so we came
+honourably home to Wilhelmshaven, feeling that the young Navy had laid
+worthy foundations for its tradition to grow upon.
+
+We are to report at Kiel, and shall be six weeks upon the job.
+
+
+
+
+_Frankfurt_.
+
+
+Back on seventeen days' leave, and everyone here very anxious to hear
+details of the battle of Skajerack.
+
+It is very pleasant to have something to talk to the women about.
+Usually the gallant field greys hold the drawing-room floor, with their
+startling tales from the Western Front, of how they nearly took Verdun,
+and would have if the British hadn't insisted on being slaughtered on
+the Somme.
+
+It is quite impossible in many ways to tell that there is a war on as
+far as social life in this place is concerned.
+
+There is a shortage of good coffee and that is about all.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Arrived back on board last night.
+
+They have made a fine job of us, and we go through the canal to the
+Schillig Roads early next week.
+
+We are to do three weeks' gunnery practices from there, to train the
+new drafts.
+
+
+
+1916 (_about August_).
+
+At last! Thank Heavens, my application has been granted. Schmitt (the
+Secretary) told me this morning that a letter has come from the
+Admiralty to say that I am to present myself for medical examination at
+the board at Wilhelmshaven to-morrow.
+
+What joy! to strike a blow at last, finished for ever the cursed
+monotony of inactivity of this High Seas Fleet life. But the U-boat
+war! Ah! that goes well. We shall bring those stubborn, blood-sucking
+islanders to their knees by striking at them through their bellies.
+
+When I think of London and no food, and Glasgow and no food, then who
+can say what will happen? Revolt! rebellion in England, and our brave
+field greys on the west will smash them to atoms in the spring of 1917,
+and I, Karl Schenk, will have helped directly in this! Great
+thought--but calm! I am not there yet, there is still this confounded
+medical board. I almost wish I had not drunk so much last night, not
+that it makes any difference, but still one must run no risks, for I
+hear that the medical is terribly strict for the U-boat service. Only
+the cream is skimmed! Well, to-morrow we shall see.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Passed! and with flying colours; it seemed absurdly easy and only took
+ten minutes, but then my physique is magnificent, thanks to the
+physical training I have always done. I am now due to get three weeks'
+leave, and then to Zeebrugge.
+
+I have wired to the little mother at Frankfurt.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_At Zeebrugge, or rather Bruges._
+
+
+I spent three weeks at home, all the family are pleased except mother;
+she has a woman's dread of danger; it is a pleasing characteristic in
+peace time, but a cloy on pleasure in days of war. To her, with the
+narrowness of a female's intellect, I really believe I am of more
+importance than the Fatherland--how absurd. Whilst at Frankfurt I saw a
+good deal of Rosa; she seems better looking each time I meet her;
+doubtless she is still developing to full womanhood. Moritz was home
+from Flanders. He had ten days' leave from Ypres, and, though I have a
+dislike for him, he certainly was interesting, though why the English
+cling to those wretched ruins is more than I can understand.
+
+I felt instinctively that in a sense Moritz and I were rivals where
+Rosa was concerned, though I have never considered her in that
+light--as yet. One day, perhaps? These women are much the same
+everywhere, and I could see that having entered the U-boat service made
+a difference with Rosa, though her logic should have told her that I
+was no different. But is that right? After all, it is something to have
+joined this service; the Guards themselves have no better cachet, and
+it is certainly cheaper.
+
+Here we live in billets and in a commandeered hotel. The life ashore is
+pleasant enough; the damned Belgians are sometimes sulky, but they know
+who is master. Bissing (a splendid chap) sees to that.
+
+As a matter of fact we have benefited them by our occupation, the shops
+do a roaring trade at preposterous prices, and shamefully enough the
+German shopkeepers are most guilty. These pot-bellied merchants don't
+seem to realize that they exist owing to our exertions.
+
+I was much struck with the beautiful orderliness of the small gardens
+which we have laid out since 1914, and, in fact, wherever one looks
+there is evidence of the genius of the German race for thorough
+organization. Yet these Belgians don't seem to appreciate it. I can't
+understand it.
+
+I find here that social life is very much gayer than at that mad town
+of Wilhelmshaven. At the High Seas Fleet bases there was the strictness
+and austerity that some people seem to consider necessary to show that
+we are at war, though Heaven knows there was precious little war in the
+High Seas Fleet; perhaps that was why the "blood and iron" regime was
+in full order ashore. Here, in Bruges, at any rate as far as the
+submarine officers are concerned, the matter is far different. When the
+boats are in, one seems to do as one likes, with a perfunctory visit to
+the ship in the course of the day.
+
+Witnitz (the Commodore) favours complete relaxation when in from a
+trip. In the evenings there are parties, for which there are always
+ladies, and I find it is necessary to have a "smoking."[1] I went to
+the best tailor to buy one, and found that I must have one made at the
+damnable price of 140 marks; the fitter, an oily Jew, had the
+incredible impertinence to assure me it would be cut on London lines!
+
+[Footnote 1: A dinner jacket.]
+
+I nearly felled him to the ground; can one never get away from England
+and things English? I'll see his account waits a bit before I settle
+it.
+
+There are several fellows I know here. Karl Mueller, who was 3rd
+watchkeeper in the _Yorck_, and Adolf Hilfsbaumer, who was captain of
+G.176, are the two I know best. They are both doing a few trips as
+second in commands of the later U.C. boats, which are mine-laying off
+the English coasts. This is a most dangerous operation, and nearly all
+the U.C. boats are commanded by reserve officers, of whom there are a
+good many in the Mess.
+
+Excellent fellows, no doubt, but somewhat uncouth and lacking the finer
+points of breeding; as far as I can see in the short time I have been
+here they keep themselves to themselves a good deal. I certainly don't
+wish to mix with them. Unfortunately, it appears that I am almost bound
+to be appointed as second in command of one of the U.C. boats, for at
+least one trip before I go to the periscope school and train for a
+command of my own. The idea of being bottled up in an elongated cigar
+and under the command of one of those nautical plough-boys is
+repellent. However, the Von Schenks have never been too proud to obey
+in order to learn how to command.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have been appointed second in command to U.C.47. Her captain is one
+Max Alten by name. Beyond the fact that I saw him drunk one night in
+the Mess I know nothing of him.
+
+I reported to him and he seems rather in awe of me. His fears are
+groundless.
+
+I shall make it as easy as possible for him, for it must be as awkward
+for him as it is unpleasant for me.
+
+To celebrate my proper entry into the U-boat service, I gave a dinner
+party last night in a private room at "Le Coq d'Or." I asked Karl and
+Adolf, and told them to bring three girls. My opposite number was a
+lovely girl called Zoe something or other. I wore my "smoking" for the
+first time; it is certainly a becoming costume.
+
+We drank a good deal of champagne and had a very pleasant little
+debauch; the girls got very merry, and I kissed Zoe once. She was not
+very angry. I think she is thoroughly charming, and I have accepted an
+invitation to take tea at her flat. She is either the wife or the chere
+amie of a colonel in the Brandenburgers, I could not make out which.
+Luckily the gallant "Cockchafer" is at the moment on the La Bassee
+sector, where I was interested to observe that heavy fighting has
+broken out to-day. I must console the fair Zoe!
+
+Both Karl and Adolf got rather drunk, Adolf hopelessly so, but I, as
+usual, was hardly affected. I have a head of iron, provided the liquor
+is good, and _I_ saw to that point.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We were sailing, or rather going down the canal to Zeebrugge on Friday,
+but the starting resistance of the port main motor burnt out and we
+were delayed till Sunday, as they will fit a new one.
+
+I must confess the organization for repair work here is admirable, as
+very little is done by the crews in the U-boats, all work being carried
+out by the permanent staff, who are quartered at Bruges docks. Taking
+advantage of the delay I called on Zoe Stein, as I find she is named.
+
+It appears she is _not_ married to Colonel Stein. She told me he was
+fat and ugly, and laughed a good deal about him. She showed me his
+photograph, and certainly he is no beauty. However, he must be a man of
+means, as he has given her a charming flat, beautifully decorated with
+water-colours which the Colonel salved from the French chateau in the
+early days--these army fellows had all the chances.
+
+I bade an affectionate farewell to Zoe, and I trust Stein will be still
+busily engaged at La Bassee when I return in a fortnight's time! I am
+greatly obliged to Karl for the introduction, and told him so; he
+himself is running after a little grass widow whose husband has been
+missing for some months. I think Karl finds it an expensive game;
+luckily Zoe seems well supplied with money--the essential ingredient in
+a joyous life.
+
+On Friday night we had an air-raid--a frequent event here, but my first
+experience in this line. Unpleasant, but a fine spectacle, considerable
+damage done near the docks and an unexploded bomb fell in a street near
+our headquarters.
+
+Two machines (British) brought down in flames. I saw the green balls
+[1] for the first time. A most fascinating sight to see them floating
+up in waving chains into the vault of heaven; they reminded me of
+making daisy chains as a child.
+
+[Footnote 1: Known as "Flying-onions."]
+
+
+
+
+_At Zeebrugge_.
+
+
+We are alongside the mole in one of the new submarine shelters that has
+been built.
+
+The boat is under a concrete roof over three feet thick, which would
+defy the heaviest bomb.
+
+We have much improved the port since our arrival. The port, so-called,
+is purely artificial, and actually consists of a long mole with a
+gentle curve in it, which reaches out to seaward and protects the mouth
+of the canal. The tides are very strong up and down the coast, and
+constant dredging is carried out to keep 20 feet of water over the sill
+at the lock gates.
+
+On arrival last night we went straight into No. 11 shelter, as an
+air-raid was expected, but nothing happened, so I went up to the
+"Flandre," which seems to be the best hotel here, full of submarine
+people, and I heard many interesting stories. There seems no doubt this
+U-boat war is dangerous work; I find the U.C. boats are beginning to be
+called the Suicide Club, after the famous English story of that name,
+which, curiously enough, I saw on the kinematograph at Frankfurt last
+leave. We Germans are extraordinarily broad-minded; I doubt if the
+works of German authors are seen on the screens in England or France.
+
+The news from the West is good, the English are hurling themselves to
+destruction against our steel front. We are now to load up with mines.
+I must stop writing to superintend this work.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea. Near the South Dogger Light._
+
+
+We loaded up the ten mines we carry in an hour and five minutes. They
+were lifted from a railway truck by a big crane and delicately lowered
+into the mine tubes, of which we have five in the bows.
+
+The tubes extend from the upper deck of the ship to her keel, and slope
+aft to facilitate release. Having completed with fuel at Bruges, we
+took in a store of provisions and Alten went up to the Commodore's
+office to get our sailing orders.
+
+We sailed at 6 p.m. and at last I felt I was off. To-day, the 22nd, we
+are just north of the South Dogger, steering north-westerly at 9-1/2
+knots.
+
+The sea is quite calm and everything is very pleasant. Our mission is
+to lay a small minefield off Newcastle in the East Coast war channel. I
+have, of course, never been to sea for any length of time in a U-boat,
+and it is all very novel.
+
+I find the roar of the Diesel engine very relentless, and last night
+slept badly in a wretched bunk, which was a poor substitute for my
+lovely quarters in the barracks at Wilhelmshaven. One thing I
+appreciate, and that is the food; it is really excellent: fresh milk,
+fresh butter, white bread and many other luxuries.
+
+I have spent most of the day picking up things about the boat. Her
+general arrangement is as follows:
+
+Starting in the bows, mine tubes occupy the centre of the boat, leaving
+two narrow passages, one each side. In the port passage is the wireless
+cabinet and signal flag lockers, with store rooms underneath. In the
+starboard passage are one or two small pumps and the kitchen.
+
+The next compartment contains four bunks, two each side, these are
+occupied by Alten, myself, the engineer, and the Navigating Warrant
+Officer. Proceeding further aft one enters the control room, in which
+one periscope is situated, and the necessary valves and pumps for
+diving the boat.
+
+The next compartment is the crew space; ten of the company exist here.
+
+Overhead on each side is the gear for releasing the torpedoes from the
+external torpedo tubes, of which we carry one each side. I think we
+borrowed this idea from the Russians.
+
+Then comes the engine-room, an inferno of rattling noises, but
+excellent engines, I believe. At the after end of the engine-room are
+the two main switchboards, of whose manner of working I am at present
+in some ignorance.
+
+The two main sets of electric motors are underneath the boards, in the
+stern, where we have a third torpedo tube.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I had hardly written the above words when a message came that the
+captain would like me to come to the bridge.
+
+I went up in a leisurely fashion, through the conning tower, which is
+over the control room, and reported myself. He indicated a low-lying
+patch of smoke on the horizon far away on the starboard bow. I was
+obliged to confess that it conveyed nothing to me, when he aroused my
+intense interest by stating that it was, without doubt, being emitted
+from a British submarine, who are known to frequent these waters. He
+was proceeding away from us, and was, even then, six or seven miles
+away, so an attack was out of the question. The engineer, who had
+joined us, drew my attention to the thin wisp of almost invisible
+blue-grey smoke from our own stern. The contrast was certainly
+striking!
+
+Over dinner I gave it as my opinion that the British boats were pretty
+useless. Alten would not agree, and stated that, though in certain
+technical aspects they were in a position of inferiority, yet in
+personnel and skill in attacking they were fully our equals. He seemed
+to hold them in considerable respect, and he remarked that, when making
+a passage, he was more anxious on their account than in any other way.
+He informed me that, on the last passage he made, he was attacked by a
+British boat which he never saw, the only indication he received being
+a torpedo which jumped out of the water almost over his tail. Luckily
+it was very rough at the time, which made the torpedo run erratically,
+otherwise they would undoubtedly have been hit.
+
+What appeared to astonish him was the fact that the British boat had
+been able to make an attack in such weather. We are now charging on one
+engine, 500 amperes on each half-battery.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are due back at Zeebrugge at 10 p.m. to-night. We should have been
+in at dawn to-day, but we received a wireless from the senior officer,
+Zeebrugge, to say that mine-laying was suspected, and we were to wait
+till the "Q.R." channel, from the Blankenberg buoy, had been swept. We
+lay in the bottom for eight hours, a few miles from the western end of
+the channel.
+
+Our trip was quite successful, but not without certain excitements.
+
+On the night of the 23rd we passed fairly close to a fishing fleet on
+the Dogger Bank, and saw the lights of several steamers in the
+distance. As our first business was to lay our mines in the appointed
+place, we did not worry them.
+
+We burnt usual navigation lights, or rather side lights which appear to
+be usual, except that, by a little fitting which Alten has made
+himself, the arcs of bearing on which the lights show can be changed at
+will. His idea is that, should we appear to be approaching a steamer
+which he wishes to avoid, in many cases, by shining a little more or
+less red and green light, we can make her think that we are a steamer
+on such a course that it is her duty by the rules of the road to keep
+clear of us.
+
+He tells me it has worked on several occasions, and he has also found
+it useful to have two small auxiliary side lights fitted which are the
+wrong colours for the sides they are on. It is, of course, only neutral
+shipping which carry lights nowadays, though Alten says that many
+British ships are still incredibly careless in the matter of lights.
+
+However, to resume my account of what happened. We reached our position
+at dawn or slightly after, the weather was beautifully calm and the sea
+like glass. As we were only three miles from the English coast, and
+close to the mouth of the Tyne, we were extraordinarily lucky to have
+nothing in sight, if one excepts a long smudge of smoke which trailed
+across the horizon to the southward.
+
+The land itself was obscured by early morning banks of mist, yet
+everything was so still that we actually faintly heard the whistle of a
+train. I could hardly restrain from suggesting to Alten that we should
+elevate the 10-cm. gun to fifteen degrees and fire a few rounds on to
+"proud Albion's virgin shores," but I did not do so as I felt fairly
+certain that he would not approve, and I do not wish to lay myself open
+to rebuffs from him after his behaviour concerning the smoking
+incident. I boil with rage at the thought, but again I digress.
+
+The fact that the land was obscured was favourable from the point of
+view that we were not worried by coast watchers, but unfavourable from
+the standpoint that we were unable to take bearings of anything and so
+ascertain our exact position.
+
+The importance of this point in submarine mine-laying is obvious, for,
+owing to our small cargo of eggs, it is quite possible that we may be
+sent here again, to lay an adjacent field, in which case it is highly
+desirable to know the exact position of one's previous effort.
+
+[Illustration: "Steering north-westerly...; to lay a small minefield
+off Newcastle."]
+
+[Illustration: "He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer
+approaching at full speed to ram."]
+
+We were somewhat assisted in our efforts to locate ourselves by the
+fact that a seven-fathom patch existed exactly where we had to lay. We
+picked up the edge of this bank with our sounding machine, and steering
+north half a mile, laid our mines in latitude--No! on second thoughts I
+will omit the precise position, for, though I shall take every
+precaution, there is no saying that through some misfortune this
+Journal might not get into the wrong hands.
+
+I am very glad I decided to keep these notes, as I shall take much
+pleasure in reading them when Victory crowns our efforts and the joys
+of a peaceful life return.
+
+I found it a delightful sensation being so close to the enemy coast, in
+his territorial waters, in fact. For the first time since the Skajerack
+battle I experienced the personal joys of war, the sensation of
+intimate and successful contact with the enemy, and the most hated
+enemy at that.
+
+We had hardly finished laying our eggs when a droning noise was heard.
+With marvellous celerity we dived, that damned fellow Alten, who, under
+these circumstances leaves the bridge last, treading on my fingers as
+he followed me down the conning tower ladder.
+
+The engineer endeavoured to sympathize with me, and made some idiotic
+remark about my being quicker when I had had more practice. I bit his
+head off. I can't stand this hail-fellow-well-met attitude in these
+U.C. boats, from any lout dressed in an officer's uniform. They
+wouldn't be holding commissions if it wasn't for the war, and they
+should remember that fact. I suppose they think I'm stand-offish. Well,
+if they had my family tree behind them they would understand.
+
+We dived to sixty feet, and then came up to twenty. Alten looked
+through the periscope, and then invited me to look. Curiosity impelled
+me to accept this favour and, putting the focussing lever to
+"skyscrape" I swept round the sky.
+
+At last I saw him; he was a small gas-bag of diminutive size, beneath
+which was suspended a little car, the most ridiculous little travesty
+of an airship I have ever seen. He was nosing along at about 800 feet
+and making about 40 knots.
+
+Suddenly he must have seen the wake of our periscope, for he turned
+towards us. Simultaneously Alten, from the conning tower (I was using
+the other periscope in the control room), ordered the boat to sixty
+feet, and put the helm hard over.
+
+We had turned sixteen points, [1] and in about two minutes heard a
+series of reports right astern of us. It was evident that our ruse had
+succeeded and that he had overshot the mark.
+
+[Footnote 1: 180 degrees]
+
+Inside the boat one felt a slight jar as each bomb went off.
+
+We gradually came round to our proper course, and cruised all day
+submerged at dead slow speed. Every time we lifted our periscope he was
+still hanging about sufficiently close to make it foolish for us to
+come to the surface.
+
+Towards noon a group of trawlers, doubtless summoned by wireless,
+appeared, and proceeded to wander about. These seemed to concern Alten
+far more than the airship, and he informed me that from their, to me,
+aimless movements he deduced they were hunting for us by hydroplanes.
+Occasionally we lay on the bottom in nineteen fathoms.
+
+By 4 p.m. the atmosphere was becoming rather unpleasant and hot, and
+gradually we took off more clothes. Curiously enough, I longed for a
+smoke, but wild horses would not have made me ask Alten for permission.
+
+At 8 p.m. it was sufficiently dark to enable us to rise, which gave me
+great pleasure, though the first rush of fresh air down the hatch made
+me vomit after hours of breathing the vitiated muck. On coming to the
+surface we saw nothing in sight, but a breeze had sprung up which
+caused spray to break over the bridge as we chugged along at 9 knots.
+
+Everyone was in high spirits, as always on the return journey, when the
+mind turns to the Fatherland and all it holds.
+
+My mind turns to Zoe. I confess it to myself frankly. I hardly realized
+to what extent this woman had begun to influence me until we received
+the wireless signal ordering us to delay entering for twelve hours. The
+receipt of this news, trivial though the delay has been, threw a mantle
+of gloom over the crew. I participated in the depression and, upon
+thought, rather wondered that this should be so. Self-analysis on the
+lines laid down by Schessmanweil [1] revealed to me that the basis of
+my annoyance is the fact that my next meeting with Zoe is deferred! I
+feel instinctively that I shall have trouble here, and that I had
+better haul off a lee shore whilst there is manoeuvring room, and
+yet--and yet I secretly rejoice that every revolution of the propeller,
+every clank and rattle of the Diesels brings us closer together.
+
+[Footnote 1: Apparently some German author, of obscure origin, as I
+cannot find him in any book of reference.--ETIENNE.]
+
+Alten has just come down from the bridge, and we chatted for some
+moments; it is evident that he wishes to apologize for his rudeness
+over the smoking incident.
+
+I was in error, I admit it frankly; at the same time I did not know
+that the battery was on charge, and to dash a match from my hand! I
+could have shot him where he stood. However, I am not vindictive, and
+as far as I am concerned the incident is ended.
+
+One thing I find trying in this small boat, and that is that I can
+find no space in which to do half my Mueller exercises, the leg-
+and-arm-swinging ones. I must see whether I can't invent a set of
+U-boat exercises!
+
+Good! in two hours we reach the Mole-end light buoy.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Submarine Mess, Bruges._
+
+
+It is midnight, and as I write in my room at the top of the house the
+low rumble of the guns from the south-west vibrates faintly through the
+open window, for it is extraordinarily warm for the time of year, and I
+have flung back the curtains and risked the light shining.
+
+We spent the night at Zeebrugge and came up to the docks here next day.
+We shall probably be in for a week, and I am on four days' "extended
+absence from the boat," which practically means that I can go where I
+like in the neighbourhood provided I am handy to a telephone.
+
+After a short inward struggle I rang Zoe up on the telephone;
+fortunately I did not call first.
+
+A man's voice answered, and for a moment I was dumbfounded. I guessed
+at once it was the Colonel, and I had counted so confidently on his
+being still away at the front.
+
+For an instant I felt speechless, an impulse came to me to ring off
+without further ado, but I restrained myself, and then a fine idea came
+into my head.
+
+"Who is that?" I said.
+
+"Colonel Stein!" replied the voice, and my fears were confirmed, but my
+plan of campaign held good.
+
+"I am speaking," I continued, "on behalf of Lieutenant Von
+Schenk----"
+
+"Ah, yes!" growled the voice, and for an instant a panic seized me, but
+I resumed:
+
+"He met Madame Stein at dinner some days ago, and she kindly asked him
+to call; he has asked me to ring up and inquire when it would be
+convenient, as he would like to meet you, sir, as well. He has been
+unable to ring up himself, as he was sent away from Bruges on duty
+early this morning."
+
+I smiled to myself at this little lie and listened.
+
+"Your friend had better call to-morrow then, for I leave to-morrow
+evening for the Somme front; will you tell him?"
+
+I replied that I would, and left the telephone well satisfied, but
+cursing the fates that made it advisable to keep clear of No. 10,
+Kafelle Strasse for thirty-six hours. Needless to say next day I rang
+up again in order to tell the Colonel that Lieutenant Schenk had
+apparently been detained, as he was not yet back in Bruges, and how I
+felt sure that he would be sorry at missing the Colonel, etc., etc.,
+but all this camouflage was unnecessary, as she herself came to the
+'phone. I could have kissed the instrument when I told her of my
+stratagem and heard her silvery laughter in my ear.
+
+"It is arranged that to-morrow, starting at 10.30, we motor for the day
+to the Forest of Meten, taking our lunch and tea with us--pray Heaven
+the weather holds."
+
+To-night in the Mess it is generally considered that U.B.40 has been
+lost; she is ten days overdue and was operating off Havre, she has made
+no signal for a fortnight. Such is the price of victory and the cost of
+war--death, perhaps, in some terrible form, but bah! away with such
+thoughts, to-morrow there is love and life and Zoe!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Once more it is night, still the guns rumble on the same old dismal
+tones, and as it is raining now it must be getting bad up at the front.
+Except for the rain it might have been last night, but much has
+happened to me in the meanwhile.
+
+To-day in the forest by Ruysslede I found that I loved Zoe, loved her
+as I have never yet loved woman, loved her with my soul and all that is
+me.
+
+The day was gloriously fine when we started, and an hour's run took us
+to the forest. We left the car at an inn and wandered down one of the
+glades.
+
+I carried the basket and we strolled on and on until we found a
+suitable place deep in the heart of the forest.
+
+I have the sailor's love for woods, for their depths, their shadows,
+their mysteries, which are so vivid a contrast to the monotony of the
+sea, with the everlasting circle of the horizon and the half-bowl of
+the heavens above.
+
+In the forest to-day, though the leaves had turned to gold and red and
+brown, the beeches were still well covered, and overhead we were tented
+with a russet canopy.
+
+I say, at last we found a spot, or rather Zoe, who, with girlish
+pleasure in the adventure, had run ahead, called to me, and as I write
+I seem to hear the echoes of "Karl! Karl!" which rang through the wood.
+When I came up to her she proudly pointed to the place she had found.
+
+It was ideal. An outcrop of rock formed a miniature Matterhorn in the
+forest, and beneath its shelter with the old trees as silent witnesses
+we sat and joked and laughed, and made twenty attempts to light a fire.
+
+After lunch, a little incident happened which had an enormous effect on
+me; Zoe asked me whether I would mind if she smoked.
+
+How many women in these days would think of doing that? And yet, had
+she but known it, I am still sufficiently old-fashioned to appreciate
+the implied respect for any possible prejudices which was contained in
+her request.
+
+After lunch, I asked her a question to which I dreaded the answer.
+
+I asked her whether, now that the old Colonel had gone to the Somme,
+whether that meant that she would be leaving Bruges.
+
+She laughed and teasingly said: "Quien sabe, senor," but seeing my real
+anxiety on this point, she assured me that she was not leaving for the
+present. The Colonel, she said, had a strange belief that once a man
+had served on the Flanders Front, and especially on the Ypres salient,
+he always came back to die there.
+
+It appears that the Colonel has done fourteen months' service on the
+salient alone, and is firmly convinced he will end his career on that
+great burial ground. As we were talking about the Colonel I longed to
+ask her how she had met him, and perhaps find out why she lives with
+him, for I cannot believe she loves him, but I did not dare.
+
+Strangely enough I found that a curious shyness had taken hold of me
+with regard to Zoe.
+
+I said to myself, "Fool! you are alone with her, you long to kiss her;
+you have kissed her, first at the dinner-party, secondly when you said
+good-bye at her flat," and yet to-day it was different.
+
+Then I was kissing a pretty woman, I was on the eve of a dangerous
+life, and I was simply extracting the animal pleasures whilst I lived.
+
+To-day it was a case of Zoe, the personality I loved; I still longed to
+kiss her, but I wanted to have the unquestioned right to kiss her, as
+much as I wanted the kisses.
+
+I wanted to have her for my own, away from the contaminating ownership
+of the old Colonel, and I determined to get her.
+
+I think she noticed the changed attitude on my part, and perhaps she
+felt herself that a subtle change in our relationship had taken place,
+and whilst I meditated on these things she fell into a doze at my side.
+
+I was sitting slightly above her, smoking to keep the midges away, and
+as I looked down on her childish figure a great tenderness for her
+filled my mind. She is very beautiful and to me desirable above all
+women; I can see her as she lay there trustfully at my feet. I will
+describe her, and then, when I get her photograph, I will read this
+when I am far away on a trip.
+
+She is of average height, for I am just over six feet and she reaches
+to just above my shoulder. Her hair is gloriously thick and of a deep
+black colour, and lies low on her forehead. Her complexion is of the
+purest whiteness beyond compare, which but accentuates the red warmth
+of the lips which encircle her little mouth. Her figure is slight and
+her ankles are my delight, but her crowning glories, which I have
+purposely left till last, are her eyes.
+
+I feel I could lose my soul; I have lost it, if I have one, in the
+violet depths of those eyes, which were veiled as she slept by the long
+black eyelashes which curled up delicately as they rested on her
+cheeks. I have re-read this description, and it is oh, so unsatisfying;
+would I had the pen of a Goethe or a Shakespeare, yet for want of more
+skill the description shall stand.
+
+How I long for her to be mine, and yet, unfortunate that I am, I cannot
+for certain declare that she loves me.
+
+A thousand doubts arise. I torment myself with recollections of her
+behaviour at the dinner-party, when within two hours of our first
+meeting she gave me her lips.
+
+Yet did I not first roughly kiss her as we danced?
+
+I find consolation in the fact that, though she has said nothing, yet
+her conduct to-day was different. She was so quiet after tea as we
+wandered back through the forests with the setting sun striking golden
+beams aslant the tree trunks.
+
+Before we left I sang to her Tchaikowsky's beautiful song, "To the
+Forest," and I think she was pleased, for I may say with justice that
+my voice is of high quality for an amateur, and the song goes well
+without an accompaniment, whilst the atmosphere and surroundings were
+ideal.
+
+There was only one jarring note in a perfect day; when we returned to
+the car the chauffeur permitted himself a sardonic grin. Zoe
+unfortunately saw it and blushed scarlet.
+
+I could have struck him on his impudent mouth, but for her sake I
+judged it advisable to notice nothing.
+
+I feel I could go on writing about her all night, but it is nearly 2
+a.m. I must get some sleep.
+
+The guns rumble steadily in the south-west, and the sky is lit by their
+flashes; may the fighting on the Somme be bloody these coming days.
+
+
+
+
+[_Probably about ten days later.--Etienne._]
+
+
+We leave to-night, having had a longer spell than usual. I am in a
+distracted state of mind. Since our glorious day in the forest I have
+seen her nearly every afternoon, though twice that swine Alten has kept
+me in the boat in connection with some replacements of the battery.
+
+I have found out that, like me, she is intensely musical. She plays
+beautifully on the piano, and we had long hours together playing Chopin
+and Beethoven; we also played some of Moussorgsky's duets, but I love
+her best when she plays Chopin, the composer pre-eminent of love and
+passion.
+
+She has masses of music, as the Colonel gives her what she likes. We
+also played a lot of Debussy. At first I demurred at playing a living
+French composer's works, but she pouted and looked so adorable that all
+my scruples vanished in an instant, so we closed all the doors and she
+played it for hours very softly whilst I forgot the war and all its
+horrors and remembered only that I was with the well-beloved girl.
+
+The Colonel writes from Thiepval, where the British are pouring out
+their blood like water. He writes very interesting letters, and has had
+many narrow escapes, but unfortunately he seems to bear a charmed life.
+His letters are full of details, and I wonder he gets them past the
+Field Censorship, but I suppose he censors his own.
+
+She laughs at them and calls them her Colonel's dispatches; she says he
+is so accustomed to writing official reports that the poor old man
+can't write an ordinary letter.
+
+I told her that I thought the way he mentioned regiments and
+dispositions rather indiscreet, and she agrees, but she says he has
+asked her to keep them, with a view to forming a collection of letters
+written from the front whilst the incidents he describes are vivid in
+his mind. I suppose the old ass knows his own business, and one day the
+collection may be completed by a telegram "Regretting to announce, etc.
+etc." The sooner the better.
+
+So the days passed pleasantly enough, and never by a gesture or word of
+mouth did she show that I was more to her than any other pleasant young
+man.
+
+I kissed her when I arrived, I kissed her when I left, each day was the
+same. She would put her arms round my neck and look long and deeply
+into my eyes, then she would gently kiss my lips. Not an atom of
+emotion! not a spark from the fires which I feel must be raging beneath
+that diabolically [1] extraordinary [1] amazingly calm exterior.
+
+[Footnote 1: These words are crossed out.--ETIENNE.]
+
+On ordinary subjects she would chatter vivaciously enough and she can
+talk in a fascinating manner on every subject I care to bring up, but
+as soon as I drew the conversation round to a personal line she
+gradually became more silent and a far-away and distant look came into
+those wonderful eyes.
+
+I have found out nothing about her beyond the fact that she has
+travelled all over Europe. I don't even know how old she is, but I
+should guess twenty-six.
+
+I tried to find out a few details by means of discreet remarks at the
+Club and elsewhere.
+
+She simply arrived here about a year ago--as a singer, and met the
+Colonel--beyond that, all is mystery. Everything about her attracts me
+powerfully, and this mystery adds subtleties to her charms.
+
+This afternoon I went to say good-bye; I told her we were leaving
+"shortly," and she gently reproved me for disobeying the order which
+forbids discussion of movements, but I could see she was not greatly
+displeased.
+
+After tea she played to me, music of the modern Russian
+school--Arensky, Sibelius and Pilsuki; a storm was brewing and we both
+felt sad.
+
+She played for an hour or so, and then came and sat by me on a low
+divan by the fire. We were silent for a long while in the gathering
+gloom, whilst a thousand thoughts chased each other swiftly through my
+brain, as I endeavoured to summon up courage to say what I had
+determined I must say before I left her, perhaps for ever.
+
+At last, when only her profile was visible against the glow of the
+logs, I spoke.
+
+I told her quietly, calmly and almost dispassionately that I had grown
+to love her and that to me she was life itself. I told her that I had
+tried not to speak until I could endure no longer.
+
+She sat very still as I spoke, and when I had finished there was a long
+silence and I gently stretched out my hand and stroked her lovely black
+hair. At last she rose and with averted face walked across the room,
+and stood looking at the storm through the big bow windows. I watched
+her, but did not dare follow.
+
+At length she returned to me, and I saw what I had instinctively known
+the whole time--that she had been crying. I could not think why.
+
+She put her arms round my neck, kissed me on the forehead and murmured,
+"Poor Karl."
+
+I felt crushed; I dared not move for fear of breaking the magic of the
+moment, yet I longed to know more; I felt overwhelmed by some colossal
+mystery that seemed to be enveloping me in its folds. Why did she pity
+me? Why did she weep? Why didn't she answer my avowal? Why didn't she
+tell me something? Such were some of the problems that perplexed me.
+
+It was thus when the clock chimed seven. I told her that my leave was
+up at seven o'clock, and that at 7.15 I had to be back on board the
+boat. She remembered this, and in an instant the past quarter of an
+hour might never have existed. She was all agitation and nervousness
+lest I should be late on board--though at the moment I would have
+cheerfully missed the boat to hear her say she loved me.
+
+I tried to protest, but in vain. With feminine quickness she utilized
+the incident to avoid a situation she evidently found full of
+difficulty, and at 7.10, with the memory of a light kiss on my lips and
+her God-speed in my ears I was in a taxi driving to the docks in a
+blinding rain-storm--and we sail to-night.
+
+For five, six, seven, perhaps ten days at the least, and at the most
+for ever, I am doomed to be away from her and without news of her. And
+I don't even know whether she loves me!
+
+I think I can say she cares for me up to a certain point, but I want
+more.
+
+  "Oh Zoe! of the violet eyes,
+  And hair of blackest night
+  Thy lips are brightest crimson,
+  Thy skin is dazzling white.
+
+  "Oh! lay your head upon my breast,
+  And lift your lips to mine;
+  Then murmur in soft breathings,
+  Drink deep from what is thine.
+
+  "Then let the war rage onward,
+  Let kingdoms rise and fall;
+  To each shall be the other,
+  Their life, their hope, their all."
+
+[Footnote: I am indebted to Commander C. C. for the above rough
+translation of Karl's effusion.--ETIENNE.]
+
+
+
+
+_At sea._
+
+
+We are bound for the same old spot as last time.
+
+Alten must have been drinking like a fish lately; his breath smells
+like a distillery; he is apparently partial to schnapps, which he gets
+easily in Bruges.
+
+I can't help admiring the man, as he is a rigid teetotaller at sea,
+though he must find the strain well nigh intolerable, judging from the
+condition he was in when he came on board last night. He was really
+totally unfit to take charge of the boat, and I virtually took her down
+the canal, though with sottish obstinacy he insisted on remaining on
+the bridge.
+
+This morning, though his complexion was a hideous yellow colour, he
+seems quite all right. I shall play a little trick on him at dinner
+to-night.
+
+I have begun to get to know some of the crew by now; they are a fine
+lot of youngsters with a seasoning of half a dozen older men. The
+coxswain, Schmitt by name, is a splendid old petty officer who has been
+in the U-boat service since 1911.
+
+His favourite enjoyment is to spin yarns to the younger members of the
+crew, who know of his weakness and play up to it.
+
+He has a favourite expression which runs thus:
+
+"His Majesty the Kaiser said Germany's future lies on the sea; I say
+Germany's future lies under the sea."
+
+He is inordinately fond of this statement, and the youngsters
+continually say: "What made you take to U-boat work, Schmitt?" and the
+invariable reply is as above. When he has been asked the question about
+half a dozen times in the course of a day, he is liable to become
+suspicious, and if his questioner is within range Schmitt stares at him
+for a few seconds in an absent-minded way, then an arm like that of a
+gorilla shoots out, and the quizzer (_Untersucher_) receives a
+resounding box on the ears to the huge delight of his companions. The
+old man then permits his iron-lipped mouth to relax into a caustic
+smile, after which he is left in peace for some time.
+
+At the wheel he is an artist, for he seems to divine what the next
+order is going to be, or if he is steering her on a course he predicts
+the direction of the next wave even as a skilful chess player works out
+the moves ahead.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am rather weary and ought to go to bed, but before I lose the savour
+I must record the splendid fun I had with Alten at dinner.
+
+We were dining alone, as the navigator was on the bridge, and the
+engineer was busy with a slight leak in the cooking water service. I
+have said that, though a heavy drinker by nature, Alten is a strict
+abstainer at sea. Accordingly I produced a small flask of rum, half-way
+through dinner, and helped myself to a liberal tot, placing the liquor
+between us on the table. As the sight met his eyes and the aroma
+greeted his nostrils, a gleam of joy flashed across his face, to be
+succeeded by a frown.
+
+With an amiable smile I proffered the flask to him, remarking at the
+same time: "You don't drink at sea, do you?"
+
+In a thick voice he muttered, "No! Yes--no! thank you."
+
+With an air of having noticed nothing, I resumed my meal, but out of
+the corner of my eye I watched his left hand on the table near the
+flask. It was most interesting, all the veins stood out like ropes, and
+his knuckles almost burst through the skin.
+
+This went on for about thirty seconds, when he choked out something
+about needing a breath of fresh air. As he got up his face was brick
+red, and I almost thought he'd have a fit.
+
+Whether by accident or design he pulled the cloth as he got out from
+between the settee and the table and upset the flask.
+
+He was apparently incapable of apologizing, for he rushed up on deck.
+
+A few minutes later the navigating officer came down and asked what was
+up?
+
+I said: "What do you mean?"
+
+He said: "Well, the Captain came up just now, swearing like a trooper,
+and told me to get to the devil out of it; it didn't seem advisable to
+question him, so I got out of it and came down."
+
+I expressed my opinion that the Captain must be feeling sea-sick and
+was ashamed to say so. I also suggested to the navigator that he should
+take the Captain a little brandy in case he was not feeling well, but
+the navigator declared he was going to stay down in the warmth till he
+was sent for. Alten is a great coarse brute. Fancy allowing a material
+substance such as alcohol to grip one's mentality.
+
+Thank Heaven I have nerves of iron; nothing would affect me!
+
+And now to bed, though I must just read my account of our day in the
+forest. Darling girl, may I dream of thee.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We laid our mines without trouble at 5 a.m. this morning, though at
+midnight we had a most unpleasant experience.
+
+I was asleep, as it was my morning watch, when I was awakened by the
+harsh rattle of the diving alarms.
+
+The Diesel subsided with a few spasmodic coughs into silence, and as I
+jumped out of my bunk and groped for my short sea boots, the navigator
+and helmsman came tumbling down the conning tower, with the navigator
+shouting, "Take her down," as hard as you like.
+
+The men at the planes had them "hard-to-dive" in an instant.
+
+The vents had been opened as the hooters sounded, and Alten, who had
+jumped into the control room, immediately rang down, "All out on the
+electric motors."
+
+In thirty seconds from the original alarm we were at an angle of twenty
+degrees down by the bow, and I had sat down heavily on the battery
+boards, completely surprised by the sudden tilt of the deck.
+
+It occurred to me that the air was escaping through the vents with a
+strangely loud noise, but before I could consider the matter further or
+even inquire the reason for this sudden dive, the noise increased to a
+terrifying extent, and whilst I prepared myself for the worst it
+culminated into a roar as of fifty express trains going through a
+tunnel, mingled with the noise of a high-powered aeroplane engine.
+
+The roar drummed and beat and shook the boat, then died away as
+suddenly as it came; a moment later there was a severe jar. We had
+struck the bottom, still maintaining our angle.
+
+I painfully got to my feet and then discovered from the navigator that
+he had suddenly seen two white patches of foam 800 yards on the
+starboard bow, which resolved themselves into the bow waves of a
+destroyer approaching at full speed to ram.
+
+We had dived just in time, and her knife-edged bow, driven by 30,000
+horse power, had slid through the water a very few feet above our
+conning tower.
+
+Luckily he had not dropped any depth charges. We were not, however,
+completely free of our troubles, though we had cheated the destroyer.
+
+Examination of the chart, showed the bottom to be mud, and on
+attempting to move the foremost hydroplanes, the plane motor fuses blew
+out. This showed that the boat was buried in the mud right up to her
+foremost planes, which were immovable.
+
+The hydrophone watchkeeper reported that he could still hear
+fast-running propellers, though probably some distance away, and as
+this showed that our old enemy was still nosing about we were very
+anxious not to break surface. We just blew "A." [1] At least we started
+to blow "A," but Alten wisely decided that, as it was a calm night with
+a half-moon, the bubbles on the surface might be rather conspicuous, so
+we stopped the blow and put the pump on. We also flooded "W". [2] This
+had no effect on her at all.
+
+[Footnote 1: Probably their foremost internal tank.--ETIENNE.]
+
+[Footnote 2: Presumably their after internal tank.--ETIENNE.]
+
+We then pumped out "Q" and "P," leaving "W" full, and adjusted our trim
+to give her only three tons negative buoyancy, just enough to keep us
+on the bottom if she came out of the mud.
+
+In this position we went full speed astern on the motors, 1,500 amps on
+each, and all the crew in the after-compartment. No result. We then
+pumped the outer diving tanks on the port side to give her a list to
+starboard. Still she remained fixed.
+
+So at 2 a.m. we decided to risk it and we put a slow blow on all tanks.
+
+When she had about fifty tons positive buoyancy she suddenly bucketed
+up, and, as the motors were running full speed astern at the time, we
+came up and broke surface stern first. In a few seconds we were trimmed
+down again, and as a precautionary measure we proceeded for a couple of
+miles at twenty metres, when, coming up to periscope depth, we
+surfaced, and finding all clear we proceeded. We were put down by a
+trawler at dawn, though she never saw us. After half an hour's hanging
+about she moved off, which was lucky, as she was right on our billet.
+
+We are now proceeding to a spot somewhat to the eastward of Cape St.
+Abbs, [3] as we have instructions to do a two-days patrol here and sink
+shipping.
+
+[Footnote 3: St. Abbs Head.--ETIENNE]
+
+We ought to start business to-morrow morning.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We should be in to-night, then for my little Zoe!
+
+But I must record what we have done. Already I am getting much pleasure
+from reading my diary. Strange how it amuses one to see little bits of
+oneself on paper, and the less garnished and franker the truths the
+more entertaining it is.
+
+[Illustration: "The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred
+yards short of the steamer and had then dived under her."]
+
+[Illustration: "We were put down by a trawler at dawn."]
+
+[Illustration: A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck
+the bottom]
+
+The hours here are so long and boring at times that I feel I want to
+talk intimately with someone. Failing Zoe I turn to my notebooks.
+
+The first steamer we sighted raised high hopes, at least her smoke did,
+for we saw enough smoke on the horizon to make us think we were to see
+the Grand Fleet, and we promptly dived. We cruised towards her for
+about half an hour, and then hung about where we were, as we found that
+her course would take the ship close to us.
+
+As the situation developed, Alten, who was up in the conning tower at
+the "A" periscope, gave us a certain amount of information, and we
+gathered that all this smoke was pouring out of the pipe-stem tunnel of
+a wretched little English tramp.
+
+I found it most irritating, standing in the control room (my action
+station) and not knowing what was going on.
+
+There is only one good job in a submarine and that is the Captain's. He
+knows and decides everything. The rest of us are in his hands and take
+things on trust. I object on principle to my life being held in Alten's
+hands. It is all very well for the crew, for, to start with, they have
+no imagination, and to most of them their mental horizon stops at the
+walls of the boat. Secondly, they have the consolation of mechanical
+activities; they make and break switches and open and close
+valves--they work with their hands. An officer has imagination, and
+only works with his head.
+
+As we attacked the steamer, all one heard was murmurs from Alten, such
+as: "Raise!" "Lower!" "Take her down to ten metres!" "Half speed!"
+"Slow!" "Bring her up to five metres!" "Raise!" "Lower!"
+
+I endeavoured to simulate an air of unconcern which I was far from
+feeling.
+
+Not that I was a prey to physical fear; I flatter myself it is so far
+unknown to me, and there was no great danger, but simply that I longed
+to know what was happening. At length I heard the welcome order:
+
+"Starboard tube. Stand by!"
+
+Which was followed almost immediately by the order: "Fire!"
+
+There was a kind of coughing grunt, and the starboard torpedo proceeded
+on its errand of destruction.
+
+Every ear was strained for the sound of the explosion, but all we were
+vouchsafed was a torrent of blasphemy from Alten.
+
+The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of
+the steamer, and had then evidently dived under the ship; so I gathered
+later when Alten had calmed down somewhat. We were about to surface and
+give her the gun, when luckily Alten took a good sweep round with the
+skyscraper and discovered one of those wretched little airships about a
+mile away, coming towards the steamer, which was wailing piteously, on
+her syren.
+
+As the chart showed forty metres we decided to bottom and have lunch.
+
+Over lunch we discussed the misadventure. Alten was loud in his curses
+of Tanzerman (the torpedo lieutenant at Bruges), from whom he had got
+the torpedo in guaranteed good condition only forty-eight hours before
+we sailed. He launched forth into a tirade against the torpedo staff at
+Bruges, and, warming to his subject, he roundly abused the whole of the
+depot personnel, whom he stigmatized as a set of hard-drinking,
+shore-loafing ruffians, who were incapable of realizing that they
+existed for the benefit of the boats' personnel and "material."
+
+I naturally disagreed, and did so the more readily that I
+conscientiously disagree with him. I find that there is a tendency on
+the part of some of these submarine officers, who have been U-boating a
+long time, to get into narrow grooves. Most reserve officers are not
+like this, as they have only been in during the war. Alten is an
+exception; he left the Hamburg-Amerika on two years' half pay in 1912,
+and was, of course, kept on in 1914. After all, the depot staff are
+Germans, and as such labour for the Fatherland, and though their work
+in office and workship is not so dangerous as ours, on the other hand
+they have not got the stimulation before their eyes, of glory to be
+gained. Personally I am of the opinion that the torpedo broke surface
+because, being fired from the outside tubes, it probably started too
+shallow, dived deep, recovered shallow and dived deep, broke surface
+and dived very deep. A sticky motor or sluggish weight would give this
+effect.
+
+And are these external tubes water-tight? Theoretically, yes, but what
+of practice? We have been down to forty metres several times during
+this trip, and not once have we had a chance on the surface of getting
+at the two external tubes; add to which our depth gear, with the pivots
+of the weight exposed to water if the tube does flood and then you have
+rust, corrosion and heaven knows what complications.
+
+I saw a British Mark 11.50 torpedo at the torpedo shop at Bruges the
+other day, and I was much struck with their deep depth gear, which is
+of the unrestrained Uhlan type, i.e., weight and valve interdependent.
+But then the main feature is that the whole gear is contained in a
+separate water-tight chamber.
+
+Our system is certainly a great saving in space, and is much neater in
+design, whilst I prefer the Uhlan principle of valve conjuncting with
+weight, but it would be interesting to know whether the British have
+much trouble with the depth-keeping of their torpedo.
+
+I have written quite a disquisition on depth gears; I must get on with
+my record of events.
+
+After lunch we had a good look round, but the small airship was still
+hanging about, flying slowly in large circles.
+
+We were rather surprised to meet one of these despicable little
+sausages or "Zeppelin's Spawn," as the navigator calls them, so far
+from land, and at dark we surfaced and proceeded on one engine on an
+easterly course, charging the battery right up with the other engine.
+
+Dawn revealed a blank horizon, not a vestige of mast, funnel or smoke
+in sight.
+
+We ambled along in fine though cold weather, and I took advantage of
+the peacefulness of everything to do a really good series of Mueller on
+the upper deck, stripped to the waist, and allowed the keen air to play
+its invigorating currents on my torso.
+
+Alten silently watched me from the conning tower, with a sneering
+expression on his face. The navigator, who is quite a decent youngster,
+though of no family, was, I could plainly see, struck by my
+development, and asked to be initiated into the series of exercises. I
+agreed willingly enough to show them to him. I will confess I wish Zoe
+could have seen me as I perspired with healthy exercise.
+
+At about 11 a.m. a couple of masts, then two more, then another,
+appeared above the horizon. The visibility was extreme, so we at once
+dived and proceeded at full speed, ten metres.
+
+We had been going thus for perhaps half an hour when Alten remarked
+that he would have another look at the convoy. We eased speed, came up
+to six metres, and Alten proceeded up into the conning tower to use "A"
+periscope.
+
+He had hardly applied his eye to the lens when he sharply ordered the
+boat to ten metres, accompanying this order with another to the motor
+room demanding utmost speed (_Ausserste Kraft_). I went up to the
+conning tower and found him white with excitement.
+
+"Look!" he exclaimed, pointing to the periscope, entirely forgetful of
+the fact that we were at ten metres. I looked, and of course saw
+nothing; furious at the trick I considered he had played on me I turned
+on him, to be disarmed by his apology.
+
+"Sorry! I forgot! The whole British battle cruiser force is there."
+
+It was now my turn to be excited, and I rushed down to the motor room
+determined to give her every amp she would take. The port foremost
+motor was sparking like the devil, rings of cursed sparks shooting
+round the commutator, but this was no time for ceremony. I relentlessly
+ordered the field current to be still further reduced.
+
+We were actually running with an F.C. of 3.75 amps, [1] for a period,
+when the sparking assumed the appearance of a ring of fire and, fearing
+a commutator strip would melt, I ordered an F.C. of five amps.
+
+[Footnote 1: The lower the field current the faster the motor goes.
+3.75 is almost incredibly low for a motor of this type--at least
+according to British practice.--ETIENNE.]
+
+We thus passed a quarter of an hour full of strain, the tension of
+which was reflected in the attitude of all the men. Alten had announced
+his intention of using the stern torpedo tube after his failure in the
+morning, and the crew of this tube were crouched at their stations like
+a gun's crew in the last few seconds preparatory to opening fire. The
+switchboard attendants gripped the regulating rheostatts as if by their
+personal efforts they could urge the boat on faster. Old Schmitt, at
+the helm, never lifted his eyes from the compass repeater.
+
+At length: "Slow both!" "Bring her to six metres!" came from the
+conning tower, to which place I proceeded to hear the news.
+
+Slowly the periscope was raised and I held my breath; a groan came from
+Alten and he turned away. For a fraction of a second I was almost
+pleased at his obvious pain, then, sick with disappointment, I took his
+place.
+
+Yes! it was all over. There they were, and with hungry eyes and
+depressed heart I saw five great battle cruisers, of which I recognized
+the _Tiger_ with her three great funnels, the _Princess Royal_, _Lion_
+and two others, zigzagging along at 25 knots, at a distance of 12,000
+metres, across our bow.
+
+They were surrounded by a numerous screen of destroyers and light
+cruisers, the former at that range through the periscope appearing as
+black smudges.
+
+It is not often one is permitted such a spectacle in modern war, and I
+could not tear myself away from the sight of those great brutes, whom I
+had fought when in the _Derflingger_ at Dogger Bank and again when in
+the _Koenig_ at Jutland. So near and yet so far, and as they rapidly
+drew away so did all the visions of an Iron Cross. As soon as they were
+out of sight, we surfaced in order to report what we had seen to
+Zeebrugge and Heligoland.
+
+Everything seemed against us. I had gone on the bridge with the
+navigator; Alten, with a face as black as hell, had gone to the
+wardroom. About ten minutes elapsed when I heard a fearful altercation
+going on below. I stepped down to find the young wireless operator
+trembling in front of Alten, who was overwhelming him with a flood of
+abuse. As I reached the wardroom, Alten shook his fist in the man's
+face and bellowed:
+
+"Make the d---- thing work, I tell you."
+
+"Impossible, Captain, the main condenser----" the man began.
+
+Purple with rage, Alten seized a heavy pair of parallel rulers, and
+before I could check him hurled them full in the operator's face.
+Bleeding copiously, the youth fell to the deck in a stunned condition.
+
+It was then, for the first time, that I noticed a half-empty bottle of
+spirits on the table, which colossal quantity he must have consumed in
+about a quarter of an hour.
+
+Turning to me, this semi-madman pointed to the wireless operator with
+his foot and growled:
+
+"Have him removed."
+
+This I did, and then, lowering the periscope, I ordered the boat to
+fifteen metres. We proceeded at this depth until 8 p.m., when I was
+informed that the Captain was in his bunk and wished to see me.
+
+I discovered him with his face to the ship's side, and upon my
+reporting myself he ordered me, firstly to throw that blasted bottle
+overboard (an unnecessary proceeding, as it was empty), and secondly to
+surface and shape course for Zeebrugge.
+
+At midnight he relieved me, apparently perfectly normal.
+
+The wireless operator has been laid up all day and has a nasty cut on
+the head. The navigator, a great scandal-monger, has heard from the
+engineer that Alten was speaking to him alone this morning, and the
+engineer believes that Alten has given him five hundred marks to say he
+fell down a hatch.
+
+Hooray! Blankenberg buoy has just been reported in sight! Soon I shall
+see my Zoe!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+With what high hopes did I write the last few lines a few hours ago,
+and how they were dashed to the ground, for on going into the Mess at
+Bruges I found amongst my letters a note from her, which was terrible
+in its brevity. She simply said:
+
+
+"DEAR KARL,
+
+"I am going away for some days, and as I shall be travelling it is no
+good giving you an address. To our next meeting!
+
+"ZOE."
+
+
+How horribly vague; not an indication of her destination, her object,
+or the probable length of her absence. Of course I rushed round to the
+flat, but found the place shut up. The porter told me she had gone away
+with her maid. He couldn't say when she'd be back--if at all! I gave
+him ten marks, and he said she might be away a fortnight. If I'd given
+him twenty he'd have said a week; he obviously didn't know.
+
+I feel I could do anything to-night; any mad, evil thing would appeal
+to me.
+
+There is a most fearful uproar coming from the guest-room, where a
+large and rowdy party are entertaining the chorus of a travelling
+_revue_ company. I saw them when they arrived, horribly common-looking
+women, with legs like mine tubes.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Another day and still no news; I don't know how I shall stick it. She
+might have had the softness of heart to write to me. She knows my
+address.
+
+This evening a letter from the little mother, who asks whether I can
+find time to go to Frankfurt when I have leave; at the end of the
+letter she mentions that Rosa has joined the Women's Voluntary
+Auxiliary Corps of Army Nurses. I suppose she thought she'd like her
+photograph taken in some fancy uniform as "Rosa Freinland, one of our
+Frankfurt beauties, now on war work!" Holding the patient's hand is
+about the only work she intends doing.
+
+Women as a class are the same the world over. We are well supplied with
+English papers in the Mess here; they come regularly from Amsterdam,
+and in their pages I see, just as in ours, pictures of the Countess
+this and the Lord that, photographed in becoming attitudes doing war
+work. It seems agricultural pursuits are the fashion in England at
+present--wait till our U-boat war gets its knife well into their fat
+guts, it will be more than fashionable to work in the fields then.
+
+The British Empire is undeniably a great creation, or rather not so
+much a creation as a thing arrived at accidentally, but it lacks
+solidarity. It sprawls, a confused mass of races and creeds, around the
+world. Its very immensity lays it open to attack, it has a dozen
+Achilles heels from Ireland to Egypt and South Africa to India.
+
+I met a man only yesterday who was recently at the propaganda
+department of the Foreign Office, and without going into details he
+gave me a very good idea of the good work that is going on in Britain's
+canker spots.
+
+Ireland is considered particularly promising to those in the know.
+
+Now for an agitated night! To think that a girl should disturb me so!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Two days have passed, or, rather, dragged their interminable lengths
+away, for there is still not a vestige of news. I have been twice to
+the flat with no result, except to receive a piece of impertinence from
+the porter the last time I was there.
+
+No news.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Still no news, and we sail in forty-eight hours.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea, off the Isle of Wight_.
+
+
+It is some days since I turned for solace and enjoyment, amidst the
+discomforts of this life, to my pen and notebook.
+
+What strange tricks fate plays with us, and how lucky it is that one
+cannot foresee the future.
+
+Here I am in U.39--but I must start at the beginning. My last entry was
+the depressing one of still no news. Well, I have had news, but it was
+like a drop of water in the mouth of a parched-up man. Another
+agonizing twenty-four hours passed, and I was sitting in my room about
+ten o'clock, trying to resign myself to the idea that the next night I
+should be starting out for my third trip without news of her, when the
+telephone bell rang. I lifted the receiver and to my amazed joy heard a
+voice that I could have recognized in a thousand. It was Zoe!
+
+I was quite incapable of any remark, and my confusion was further
+increased when, after a few "Hello's," which I idiotically repeated,
+her clear, level tones said: "Is that you, Karl? How are you?" How was
+I? What a question to ask! I wanted to tell her that I was bubbling
+with joy, that a thousand-kilogramme load had been lifted from my
+chest, that my blood was coursing through my veins, that I, usually so
+cool, was trembling with excitement, that I could have kissed the
+mouthpiece of the humble instrument that linked us together. Yet I was
+quite incapable of answering her simple question! I can't imagine what
+I expected her to say, for upon reflection her remark was a very
+ordinary one, and indeed under the circumstances quite natural, but, as
+I say, in actual fact I was tongue-tied.
+
+I suppose I must have said something, for I next remember her saying:
+"Well, you might ask how I am;" and to my horror I realized that she
+thought I was being rude!
+
+My abject apologies were cut short by her tantalizing laugh, and I
+understood that the adorable one was teasing me. When at length I made
+myself believe that I really was talking to this most elusive and
+delightful woman I wasted no time in suggesting that, late though it
+was, I might be permitted to go round and see her. She would not permit
+this, as she said it would create grave scandal, and the Colonel might
+hear about it upon his return. I pleaded hard and urged my departure in
+twenty-four hours.
+
+She was firm and reproved me for discussing movements over the
+telephone. She was right; I was a fool to do so; but Zoe destroys all
+my caution. However, she said that I might lunch with her next day, and
+that she had some new music to play to me. I ventured to ask where she
+had been, but this question was plainly unpleasing to my lady, so I
+dropped the subject. I blew her a goodnight kiss over the telephone, to
+which I think I caught an answer, and then she rang off.
+
+Ten minutes had not elapsed, when a messenger entered and informed me
+that I was wanted at the Commodore's office at once.
+
+A strange feeling of uneasiness and that of impending misfortune
+overcame me. I felt like a naughty school-boy about to interview the
+headmaster.
+
+I followed the messenger into the Commodore's office, and found myself
+alone with the great man. He was seated at a huge roll-top desk, which
+was the only article of furniture in a room which was to all intents
+and purposes papered with large scale charts of the east and south
+coasts of England and of the Channel and North Sea.
+
+The Commodore was sealing an envelope as I came in; he looked up and
+saw me, then, without taking any further notice of me, he resumed his
+business with the envelope. I felt that I was in the presence of a
+personality, and I was, for "Old Man Max" is one of the ten men who
+count in the Naval Administration. He had a reading lamp on his desk,
+and I remember noticing that the light shining through its green shade
+imparted a yellow parchment-like effect to the top of his old bald
+head. With dainty care he finished sealing the envelope, then, picking
+up a telephone transmitter, he snapped "Admiralty!" In about a minute
+he was connected, and to my astonishment I realized that he was talking
+to the duty captain of the operations department in Berlin.
+
+His words chilled my heart, for he said: "Commodore speaking! U.39
+sails at 2 a.m. for operation F.Q.H.--Repeat."
+
+His words were apparently repeated to his satisfaction, for while I was
+vainly endeavouring to convince myself that I was unconnected with the
+sailing of U.39, he banged the receiver into place (Old Man Max does
+everything in bangs) and snapped at me.
+
+"You Lieutenant Von Schenk?"
+
+I admitted I was, and then heard this disgusting news.
+
+"Kranz, 1st Lieutenant U.39, reported suddenly ill, Zeebrugge,
+poisoning--you relieve him. Ship sails in one hour forty minutes from
+now--my car leaves here in forty minutes and takes you to Zeebrugge.
+Here are operation orders--inform Von Weissman he acknowledges receipt
+direct to me on 'phone. That's all."
+
+He handed me the envelope and I suppose I walked outside--at least I
+found myself in the corridor turning the confounded envelope round and
+round. For one mad moment I felt like rushing in and saying: "But, sir,
+you don't understand I'm lunching with Zoe to-morrow!"
+
+Then the mental picture which this idea conjured up made me shake with
+suppressed laughter and I remembered that war was war and that I had
+only thirty-five minutes in which to collect such gear as I had
+handy--most of my sea things being in U.C.47--and say goodbye to Zoe.
+
+I ran to my room and made the corridors echo with shouts for my
+faithful Adolf. The excellent man was soon on the scene, and whilst he
+stuffed underclothing, towels and other necessary gear into a bag he
+had purloined from someone's room, I rang up Zoe. I wasted ten minutes
+getting through, but at last I heard a deliciously sleepy voice murmur,
+"Who's that?"
+
+I told her, and added that I was off; to my secret joy, an intensely
+disappointed and long-drawn "Oooh!" came over the wire. So she does
+care a bit, I thought. Mad ideas of pretending to be suddenly ill
+crossed my mind--anything to gain twenty-four hours--but the Fatherland
+is above all such considerations, and after some pleasant talk and many
+wishes of good luck from the darling girl, with a heavy heart I bade
+her good-night.
+
+The Old Man's car, which is a sixty horse-power Benz, was waiting at
+the Mess entrance, and once clear of the sentries we raced down the
+flat, well-metalled road to Zeebrugge in a very short time. The guard
+at Bruges barrier had 'phoned us through to the Zeebrugge fortified
+zone, and we were admitted without delay. In three-quarters of an hour
+from my interview with old Max I was scrambling across a row of U-boats
+to reach my new ship, U.39.
+
+I went down the after hatch, reported myself to Von Weissman and
+delivered his orders to him, of which he acknowledged receipt direct to
+the Commodore according to instructions. Von Weissman is a very
+different stamp of man to Alten; of medium height, he has
+sandy-coloured hair, steel-grey eyes and a protruding jaw. He is what
+he looks, a fine North Prussian, and is, of course, of excellent
+family, as the Weissmans have been settled in Grinetz for a long
+period.
+
+He struck me as being about thirty years of age, and on his heart he
+wore the Cross of the second class. I have heard of him before as being
+well in the running towards an _ordre pour le merite_.
+
+An interesting chart is hanging in the wardroom, on which is marked the
+last resting-place of every ship he has sunk. He puts a coloured dot,
+the tint of which varies with the tonnage, black up to 2,000, blue from
+2,000-5,000, brown 5,000-8,000, green 8,000-11,000, and a red spot with
+the ship's name for anything over 11,000. He has got about 120,000 tons
+at present. He opposes the Arnauld de la Perriere school of thought,
+which pins faith on the gun, and Weissman has done nearly all his work
+with the good old torpedo.
+
+Altogether, undoubtedly a man to serve with.
+
+The U.39 was in that buzzing and semi-active condition which to a
+trained eye is a sure indication that the ship is about to sail.
+Punctually at five minutes to 2 a.m. Weissman went to the bridge, and
+at 2 a.m. the wires were slipped and we started on a ten days' trip. As
+the dim lights on the mole disappeared and the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam my mind travelled overland to the flat at Bruges, and I
+wondered whether Zoe was lying awake listening to the ceaseless rumble
+of the Flanders cannon. We went on at full speed, as it was our
+intention to pass the Dover Straits before dawn. Though our
+intelligence bureau issues the most alarming reports as to the
+frightfulness of the defences here I was agreeably surprised at the
+ease with which we passed. Von Weissman, to whom I had hinted that we
+might find the passage tricky, rather laughed at my suggestion, and
+described to me his method, which, at all events, has the merit of
+simplicity.
+
+He always goes through with the tide, so as to take as short a time as
+possible, and he always decides on a course and steers it as closely as
+possible, keeping to the surface unless he sights anything, and diving
+as soon as anything shows up. Even if he dives he goes on as fast as
+possible on his course, irrespective of whether he is being bombed or
+not.
+
+I must say it worked very well last night. We shaped a course to pass
+five miles west of Gris Nez, and when that light, which for some reason
+the French had commodiously lit that night, was abeam, we sighted a
+black object, probably a trawler or destroyer, about half a dozen miles
+away right ahead. Weissman immediately dived and, without deviating a
+degree from his course, held on at three-quarters speed on the motors.
+Some time later the hydrophone watchkeeper reported the sound of
+propellers in his listeners, and that he judged them to be close at
+hand, so I imagine we passed very nearly directly underneath whatever
+it was.
+
+After an hour's submerging we rose, and found dawn breaking over a
+leaden and choppy sea. Nothing being in sight, we continued on the
+surface for an hour, charging batteries with the starboard engine (500
+amps on each), but at 9 a.m., the clouds lying low and an aerial patrol
+being frequent hereabouts, we dived and cruised steadily down channel
+at slow speed, keeping periscope depth.
+
+Several times in the course of the forenoon we sighted small destroyers
+and convoy craft [1] in the distance, all steering westerly. They were
+probably returning from escorting troopships over to France last night.
+In every case we went to sixty feet long before they could have seen
+our "stick." [2] Weissman is evidently as cautious in this matter as he
+is hardy in others; the more I see of him the more I like him; he is a
+man of breeding, and it is of value to serve in this boat.
+
+[Footnote 1: Probably "P" boats.--ETIENNE.]
+
+[Footnote 2: Periscope.--ETIENNE.]
+
+As I write we are on the surface about ten miles east of the Isle of
+Wight, still steering down channel. To-night at midnight we report our
+position to Zeebrugge, up till now we have maintained wireless silence
+for fear of the British and French directional stations picking up our
+signals and fixing our position.
+
+After supper this evening Von Weissman explained to me the general plan
+of our operations for the next eight days. Our cruising billet is about
+150 miles south-west of the Scillys, at the focal point where trade for
+Liverpool and Bristol and the up-channel trade diverges. Von Weissman
+says that this is a plum billet and we should do well.
+
+I feel this is going to be better than those piffling little
+mine-laying trips, and though we shall be away ten days, it will
+qualify me for four days' leave in Belgium.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There was nearly an awkward moment last night, or, rather, there was an
+awkward moment, and nearly an awkward accident. I relieved the
+navigator at midnight (the pilot is an unassuming individual called
+Siegel) and took on the middle watch. It was blowing about force 4 from
+the south-west, and a nasty short, lumpy sea was running which caught
+us just on the port bow. About once every ten seconds she missed her
+step with the waves and, dipping her nose into it, shovelled up tons of
+water, which, as the bow lifted, raced aft and, breaking against the
+gun, flung itself in clouds of spray against the bridge. In a very few
+minutes every exposed portion of me was streaming with water.
+
+At about 2 a.m. I had turned my back to the sea for a moment, and my
+thoughts were for an instant in Bruges, when, on facing forward once
+again I saw a sight which effectually brought me back to earth.
+
+This was the spectacle of two black shapes, evidently steamers, one on
+either bow, distant, I should estimate, 600 or 700 metres. I had to
+make a quick decision, and I decided that to fire a torpedo in that sea
+with any hope of a hit, especially with the boat on surface, was
+useless; furthermore, that at any moment either of the steamers might
+sight us from their high bridge and turn and ram.
+
+These thoughts were the work of an instant, and I at once rang the
+diving bell, and, pushing the look-out before me, in five seconds I was
+in the conning tower and had the hatch down. I at once proceeded down
+into the boat, and the first thing that struck my eye was the diving
+gauge with the needle practically stationary at two metres.
+
+The boat was not going down properly! and for an instant I was rudely
+shaken, until a cool voice from the wardroom remarked, "Helm hard
+a-port," an order that was instantly obeyed, and as she began to turn
+the moving needle on the depth gauge began its journey round the dial.
+It was the Captain who had spoken. As soon as he heard the diving alarm
+he was out of his bunk, and a glance at the gauge he has fitted in the
+wardroom told him we were not sinking rapidly. In an instant he had put
+his finger on the trouble, which was that we were almost head on to the
+sea, with the result that he had given the order as stated above,
+which, bringing us beam on to the sea, had caused her to dive with
+ease. He is efficiency itself!
+
+As I explained to him what had happened, the noise of propellers at
+varying distances from us overhead led him to state his belief that we
+had run into a convoy homeward bound to Southampton from the Atlantic.
+
+He approved of my actions in every particular, save only in my omission
+to bring the boat away from the sea as I began to dive.
+
+This morning we are beginning to get the full force of what is
+evidently going to be a south-westerly gale of some violence. The seas
+are getting larger as we debouch into the Atlantic. This looks bad for
+business.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At the moment we are practically hove to on the surface, with the port
+engine just jogging to keep her head on to sea and the starboard
+ticking round to give her a long, slow charge of 200 amps.
+
+The wind is force 7-8 and a very big sea is running which makes it
+entirely impossible to open the conning tower hatch; the engine is
+getting its air through the special mushroom ventilator, which is
+apparently not designed to supply both the boat's requirements and
+those of the engine; the whole ventilator gets covered with sea every
+now and then, during which period until the baffle drains get the water
+away no air can get in, so the engine has a good suck at the air in the
+boat, the result of all this being a slight vacuum in the boat. It is a
+very unpleasant sensation, and made me very sick. This is really a form
+of sickness due to the rarefied air.
+
+I had a great surprise when I looked at the barograph this morning as
+the needle had gone right off the paper at the bottom, and at first
+glance I thought we had struck a tropical depression of the first
+magnitude, which, flouting all the laws of meteorology, had somehow
+found its way to the English Channel; but the engineer explained to me
+that, as I have already stated, the low atmospheric pressure in the
+boat was due to the conning-tower hatch being shut down.
+
+[Illustration: "As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the
+ceaseless fountain of starshells mingling with the flashing of guns,
+rose inland on our port beam."]
+
+[Illustration: "We hit her aft for the second time."]
+
+I have discovered that Von Weissman is a martyr to sea-sickness--all
+day he has been lying down as white as a sheet and subsisting on milk
+tablets and sips of brandy; yet such is the man's inflexibility of will
+that he forces himself to make a tour of inspection right round the
+boat every six hours, night and day. It is this will to conquer which
+has made Germans unconquerable, though "Come the four corners of the
+world in arms" against us, as the great poet says.
+
+We are, of course, keeping watch from inside the conning tower; it is,
+at all events, dry, but as to seeing anything one might as well be
+looking out through a small glass window from inside a breakwater! To
+bed till 4 a.m.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A most unprofitable day. I grudge every day away from Zoe on which we
+do nothing. This morning about noon the gale blew itself out, but a
+heavy confused sea continued to run.
+
+At 2 p.m. we saw a most tantalizing spectacle. A big tank steamer,
+fully 600 feet long and of probably 17,000 tons burthen hove in sight,
+escorted by two destroyers. To attack with the gun was impossible, as
+we could only keep the conning tower open when stern to sea, and in any
+case the two destroyers prevented any surface work. We tried to get in
+for an attack, but we had not seen her in time, and the best we could
+do was to get within 3,000 yards, at which range it would have been
+absurd to have wasted a torpedo, the chances of hitting being 100 to 1
+against, even if the torpedo had run properly in the sea that was on.
+
+I had a good look at her through the foremost periscope in between the
+waves, and it maddened me to see all that oil, doubtless from Tampico
+for the Grand Fleet, going safely by. The destroyers were having a bad
+time of it, crashing into the sea like porpoises, their funnels white
+with salt, and their bridges enveloped in sheets of water and spray.
+They little thought that, barely a mile away, amidst the tumbling,
+crested waves a German eye was watching them!
+
+There is no doubt these damned British have pluck, for it was the last
+sort of weather in which one would have expected to find destroyers at
+sea, and yet I suppose they do this throughout the winter.
+
+After all, one would expect them to be tough fellows--they are of
+Teutonic stock--though by their bearing one might imagine that the
+Creator made an Englishman and then Adam.
+
+Let's hope we get some decent weather to-morrow. I have just been
+refreshing my memory by reading of what I wrote in the book, concerning
+the day in the forest with the adorable girl. There is an exquisite
+pleasure in transporting the mind into such memories of the past when
+the body is in such surroundings as the present, if only I could will
+myself to dream of her!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A fine day in every sense of the word. The weather has been and remains
+excellent, and I have been present at my first sinking. It was absurdly
+commonplace. At 10 a.m. this morning a column of smoke crept upwards
+from the southern horizon.
+
+Von Weissman steered towards it on the surface until two masts and the
+top of a funnel appeared. We dived and proceeded slowly under water on
+a southerly course.
+
+Half an hour passed and Von Weissman brought the boat up to periscope
+depth and had a look. He called to me to come and see, an invitation I
+accepted with alacrity.
+
+With natural excitement I looked through the periscope and there she
+was, unconsciously ambling to her doom like a fat sheep.
+
+She was a steamer (British) of about 4,000 tons, slugging home at a
+steady ten knots, but she was destined to come to her last mooring
+place ahead of schedule time!
+
+We dipped our periscope and I went forward to the tubes. Five minutes
+elapsed and the order instrument bell rang, the pointer flicking to
+"Stand by." I personally removed the firing gear safety pin and put the
+repeat to "Ready." A breathless pause, then a slight shake and
+destruction was on its way, whilst I realized by the angle of the boat
+that Weissman was taking us down a few metres.
+
+That shows his coolness, he didn't even trouble to watch his shot.
+
+Anxiously I watch the second hand of my stop watch. Weissman had told
+me the range would be about 500 metres--30 seconds--31--32--33--has he
+missed?--34--35--3--A dull rumble comes through the water and the
+whole boat shakes. Hurra! we have hit, and the order "Surface" comes
+along the voice pipe.
+
+The cheerful voice of the blower is heard, evacuating the tanks; I run
+to the conning tower and closely follow Weissman up the ladder. At last
+I am on the bridge. There she is! What a sight!
+
+I feel that I shall never forget what she looked like, though, if all
+goes well, I shall see many another fine ship go to her grave.
+
+But she was my first; I felt the same sensation when, as a boy, I shot
+my first roe-deer in the Black Forest, one instant a living thing
+beautiful to perfection, the next my rifle spoke and a bleeding carcase
+lay beneath the fine trees. So with this ship. I am a sailor, and to
+every sailor every ship that floats has, as it were, a soul, a
+personality, an entity; to carry the analogy further, a merchant craft
+is like some fat beast of utility, an ox, a cow, or a sheep, whilst a
+warship is a lion if she is a battleship, a leopard if she is a light
+cruiser, etc.; in all cases worthy game.
+
+But War has little use for sentimentality! and in my usual wandering
+manner I see that I have meandered from the point and quite forgotten
+what she did look like.
+
+What I saw was this:
+
+I saw that the steamer had been hit forward on the starboard side. The
+upper portion of the stem piece was almost down to the water level, her
+foremost hold was obviously filling rapidly. Her stern was high out of
+water, the red ensign of England flapping impotently on the ensign
+staff. Her propeller, which was still slowly revolving, thrashed the
+water, and this heightened the impression that I was watching the
+struggles of a dying animal. The propeller was revolving in spasmodic
+jerks, due, I imagine, to the fast failing steam only forcing the
+cranks over their dead centres with an effort.
+
+A boat was being lowered with haste from the two davits abreast the
+funnel on one side, but when she was full of men and, due to the angle
+of the ship, well down by the bow, someone inboard let go the foremost
+fall or else it broke, for the bows of the boat fell downwards and half
+a dozen figures were projected in grotesque attitudes into the sea. For
+a few seconds the boat swung backwards and forwards, like a pendulum.
+
+When she came to rest, hanging vertically downwards from the stern, I
+noticed that a few men were still clinging like flies to her thwarts.
+Truly, anything is better than the Atlantic in winter. Meanwhile the
+ship had ceased to sink as far as outward signs went.
+
+I mentioned this to Von Weissman, who was at my side with a slight
+smile on his face, amused doubtless at the eagerness with which I
+watched every detail of this, to me, novel tragedy. He answered me that
+I need not worry, that she was being supported by an air lock somewhere
+forward, that the water was slowly creeping into her and her boilers
+would probably soon go.
+
+This remarkable man was absolutely correct.
+
+There was an interval of about five minutes, during which another boat,
+evidently successfully lowered from the other side, came round her
+stern, picked up one or two men from the water and also collected the
+survivors in the hanging boat; then the steamer suddenly sank another
+two feet, there was a dull rumbling, as of heavy machinery falling from
+a height, a muffled report, a cloud of steam and smoke, a sucking noise
+and then a pool in the water, in the middle of which odd bits of wood
+and other buoyant debris kept on bobbing up. Nothing else!
+
+No! I am wrong, there were two other things: a U-boat, representing the
+might of Germany, and a whaler with perhaps twenty men in it,
+representing the plight of England!
+
+As she went I felt hushed and solemn, it was an impressive moment; a
+slight chuckle came from imperturbable Weissman; he had seen too many
+go to think much of it, and he gave an order for the helm to be put
+over, so that we might approach the whaler.
+
+They were horribly overcrowded, and were engaged in trying to sort
+themselves into some sort of order. We passed by them at 50 yards and
+Weissman, seizing his megaphone, shouted in English: "Goodbye! steer
+west for America!" A cold horror gripped my heart. It was an awful
+moment. I dare not write the thoughts that entered my head.
+
+I turned away my head and faced aft, that he should not see my face;
+looking back I saw the whaler rocking dangerously in our wash, and then
+a commotion took place in her stern, from which a huge bearded man
+arose and, shaking his fist in our direction, shouted something or
+other before his companions pulled him down.
+
+Von Weissman heard and his lips narrowed in. I held my breath in
+suspense, but he evidently decided against what he had been about to
+do, for with the order, "Course north! ten knots," he went below.
+
+I remained on deck watching the rapidly receding whaler through my
+glasses until she was a mere speck--alone on the ocean, 150 miles from
+land, Then the navigator came up, and with strangely mixed feelings of
+exultant joy and depressing sorrow I went below.
+
+Von Weissman was in the wardroom. I watched him unobserved. He was
+humming a tune to himself and had just completed putting a green dot on
+the chart. This done he lay back on the settee and closed his
+eyes--strange, insoluble man!
+
+For long hours I could not forget that whaler; I see it now as I write.
+I suppose I shall get used to it all. What would Zoe say?
+
+The most wonderful thing about man is that he can stand the strain of
+his own invention of modern war!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am rather tired to-night, but must just jot down briefly what has
+taken place to-day, as there is never any time in the daylight hours.
+
+Soon after dawn, at about 8 a.m., we sighted a fair-sized steamer of
+about 3,000 tons, which we sunk, but I cannot say what she looked like,
+or whether anyone escaped, as we never came to the surface at all, Von
+Weissman sighting smoke on the western horizon just as he hit her. We
+accordingly steered in that direction. However, I think she went almost
+at once as Von Weissman put a dot (black) on the chart as we made
+towards number 3.
+
+I very much wanted to know whether there were any survivors, but I did
+not like to ask him at the time and he has been in such an infernal
+temper ever since that I haven't had a suitable opportunity.
+
+The cause of his rage was as follows:
+
+Steamer number 3 turned out to be a fine fat chap (of the Clan Line,
+Von Weissman said, when we first sighted her). We moved in to attack
+and fired our port bow tube. I waited in vain by the tubes for the
+expected explosion--nothing happened, but after a couple of minutes a
+snarl came down the voice pipe: "Surface, GUN ACTION STATIONS!"
+
+I ran aft, and found the Captain white with rage.
+
+"Missed ahead!" he said, with intense feeling, "I'll have to use that
+confounded gun."
+
+In about three minutes the Captain and myself were on the bridge and
+the crew were at their stations round the gun.
+
+For the first time I saw the ship; she was stern on and apparently
+painted with black and white stripes. As I examined her through
+glasses--she was distant about 3,000 yards--I saw a flash aboard her
+and a few seconds later a projectile moaned overhead and fell about
+6,000 yards over. So she is armed, thought I, and she has actually
+opened fire on us first.
+
+The effect of this unexpected retort on the part of the Englishman was
+to throw Weissman into a paroxysm of rage.
+
+"Why don't you fire? What the devil are you waiting for?" etc., etc.,
+were some of the remarks he flung at the gun crew.
+
+I did not consider it advisable to mention to him that they were
+probably waiting his order to fire, and also his orders for range and
+deflection, as I had imagined that, here as everywhere else, an officer
+controls the gun-fire. Apparently in this boat it is not so, as
+Weissman takes so little interest in his gun that he affects to be, or
+else actually is, ignorant of the elements of gun control.
+
+At any rate, under the lash of his tongue, the gun's crew soon got into
+action, the gun-layer taking charge. Our first shot was short, very
+considerably so, as was also the second. Meanwhile the steamer had been
+keeping up a very creditably controlled rate of fire, straddling us
+twice, but missing for deflection, as was natural considering that we
+were bows on to her.
+
+I felt thoroughly in my element listening to the significant wail of
+the enemy's shell, punctuated by the ear-splitting report of our own
+gun. Weissman, gripping the rail with both hands, and to my surprise
+ducking when one went overhead, watched the target with a fixed
+expression, but made no attempt to control our gun-fire, which was far
+from creditable, as is inevitable when it is left to the mercy of the
+inferior intellect of a seaman.
+
+However, at the tenth or eleventh round we hit her in the upper works,
+as was shown by a bright red and yellow flash near her funnel. This did
+not check her firing or speed in the least, in fact she seemed to be
+gaining on us. She also began to zigzag slightly and throw smoke bombs
+overboard, which were not so effective from her point of view as I had
+thought they would be.
+
+Matters were thus for some minutes. We had just hit her aft for the
+second time, though the shooting was so disgustingly bad that I was
+about to ask whether I might do the duties of control officer, when
+there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with moaning
+fragments. When I had recovered from my relief from finding that I was
+personally uninjured, I observed that two of the gun's crew were
+wounded and one was lying, either killed or seriously wounded, on the
+casing. We had been hit in the casing, well forward, and, as was
+subsequently proved when we dived, little material damage was caused to
+the boat.
+
+This enemy success caused a temporary cessation of fire. The two
+wounded men were cautiously making their way aft to the conning tower,
+and I called for a couple of stokers to come up and carry away the
+third, when Von Weissman suddenly gave the order to dive. The gun's
+crew at once made a rush for the conning tower, and were down the hatch
+in a trice, one of the wounded men fainting at the bottom.
+
+I was unaware as to the reason of this order to dive, and thought that
+perhaps the Captain had sighted a periscope. As I was turning to
+precede him down the conning tower hatch I distinctly saw the man lying
+by the gun lift his hand. I felt I could not leave him there, and
+instinctively cried, "He is still alive!" But Von Weissman, who was
+urging the crew to hurry down the hatch, pressed the diving alarm as
+soon as the last sailor was half in the hatch.
+
+I knew that this meant that the boat would be under in 30 to 40
+seconds, so I had no alternative but to get down the hatch as quickly
+as possible.
+
+I did so with reluctance, and I was followed by Von Weissman, who
+joined me in the upper conning tower.
+
+I forced myself not to look out of the conning tower scuttles during
+the few seconds that elapsed as the casing slowly went under, until at
+last nothing but waving green water showed at each little window. I
+feared that, if I had looked, I would have seen a wounded man, stung
+into activity by the cold touch of the Atlantic. Perhaps Von Weissman
+read my thoughts, or else he remembered my remark concerning the man,
+for he turned to me and in level tones said:
+
+"Have you any doubt that he was dead?"
+
+I hesitated a moment, and he continued:
+
+"By my direction you have no doubt. He _was_!"
+
+How brutal war is, and what a perfect exponent of the art the Captain
+proves himself to be! To me a life is a life, a particle of the thing
+divine; to him a life is a unit, and a half-maimed and probably dying
+seaman is as nothing in the scales when the safety of a U-boat is at
+stake. The seamen are numbered in their tens of thousands, the U-boats
+in their tens. The steamer had hit us once, luckily only in the casing,
+a second hit might well have punctured the pressure hull, and our fate
+in these waters would have been certain. Therefore, having summed these
+things up and balanced them in his mind, he dived and the sailor died.
+
+Once below water Von Weissman seemed more his imperturbable self, and
+unless I am mistaken he is never really happy on the surface, at least
+when in action. He is a true water mole.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A day full of interest, though once again I have had to force myself to
+absorb the horrors of War. I imagine that I am now going through the
+experiences of a new arrival on the Western Front, who feels a desire
+to shudder at the sight of every corpse.
+
+At 10 a.m. this morning we sighted the topsails of a sailing boat to
+the southwest. Closing her on the surface, we approached to within
+about 6,000 metres, when suddenly Von Weissman ordered "Gun Action
+Stations."
+
+The gun crew came tumbling up, but not quick enough to suit him, for as
+they were mustering at the gun he gave the order to dive, only,
+however, taking her down to periscope depth before instantly ordering
+surface and then "Gun Action Stations" again. This time we opened fire
+on the ship, which was a Norwegian barque and, being in the barred
+zone, liable to destruction.
+
+Von Weissman had announced overnight that at the first opportunity he
+would give "that ----- gun's crew a bellyful of practice," and he
+certainly did. As soon as the first shot was fired, she backed her
+topsails, and when our fourth shot struck her, somewhere near the foot
+of the foremast, her crew could be seen hastily abandoning their ship.
+
+This action on their part had no influence with Von Weissman, who had
+taken personal charge of the helm, and, with the engines running at
+three-quarter speed, he was zigzagging about, to make it harder for the
+gun's crew. Every now and then he flung a gibe at the crew, such as
+suggesting that they should go back to the High Seas Fleet and learn
+how to shoot.
+
+The sailing ship was soon on fire, for, considering the circumstances,
+the shooting was very fair, though had I been controlling it I could
+have confidently guaranteed better results. When she was blazing nicely
+fore and aft, Von Weissman ordered the practice to cease, and sent the
+crew below. He then ordered course south, speed ten knots, and I took
+over the watch.
+
+An hour and a half later, when the navigator gave me a spell, a black
+cloud on the northern horizon marked the funeral pyre of another of our
+victims. When I went below, the Captain had just finished playing with
+his precious old chart.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We received a message at 2 a.m. last night from Heligoland to return
+forthwith; it is now 2 a.m. and we are approaching the redoubtable
+Dover Barrage. We had no trouble coming up channel to-day, which seems
+singularly empty, at any rate in mid-channel, where we were.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We got back about three hours ago, and as I was appointed temporary to
+the boat, Von Weissman kindly allowed me to leave her and come up to
+Bruges as soon as we got into the shelters at Zeebrugge.
+
+I got up here just, in time for a late dinner. Hunger satisfied, I
+retired to my room and, needless to say, at once rang up my darling
+Zoe.
+
+By the mercy of providence she was in, but imagine my sensations when I
+heard that that accursed swine of a Colonel was also back from the
+front, and expected in at the flat at any moment, being then, she
+thought, engaged in his after dinner drinking bouts at the cavalry
+officers' club. I could only groan.
+
+A laugh at the other end stung me to furious rage, appeased in an
+instant by her soothing tones as she told me that I should be glad to
+hear that he was only up from the Somme on a four-days leave, and was
+returning next morning by the 8 a.m. troop train. Glad! I could have
+danced for joy. I breathed again.
+
+As the Colonel was expected back at any moment she thought it advisable
+to terminate the conversation, which was done with obvious reluctance
+on her part, or so I flatter myself.
+
+He goes to-morrow, so far so good, but what of the intervening period?
+
+Could any more refined torture be imagined than that I, who love her as
+I love my own soul, should have to sit here, whilst scarcely a mile
+away, probably at this very moment as I write, that gross brute is
+privileged to kiss her, to look at her, to--oh! it's unbearable. When I
+think of that hog, for though I've never seen him, I've seen his
+photograph, and I know instinctively that he _is_ gross, fresh, as she
+says, from a drinking bout, should at this moment be permitted to raise
+his pigs' eyes and look into those glorious wells of violet light; when
+I think that his is the privilege to see those masses of black hair
+fall in uncontrolled splendour, then I understand to the full the deep
+pleasures of murder.
+
+I would give anything to destroy this man, and could shake the
+Englishman by the hand who fires the delivering bullet!
+
+Steady! Steady! What do I write? No! I mean it, every word of it. Yet
+of all the mysteries, and to me Zoe is a mass of them, surely the
+strangest of all is contained in the question: Why does she live with
+him?
+
+She doesn't love him, she's practically told me so. In fact, I know she
+doesn't. Let me reason it out by logic. She lives with him, whether
+voluntarily or involuntarily. Suppose it be voluntarily, then her
+reasons must be (a) Love; (b) Fascination; (c) Some secret reason. If
+she is living with him involuntarily it must be: (d) He has a hold on
+her; (e) For financial reasons.
+
+I strike out at once (a) and (e), for in the case of (e) she knows well
+that I would provide for her, and (a) I refuse to admit, (b) is hardly
+credible--I eliminate that. I am left with (c) and (d) which might be
+the same thing. But what hold can he have on her; she can't have a
+past, she is too young and sweet for that.
+
+I must find out about this before I go to sea again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Three days ago, I was racking my brains for the solution of a problem,
+and, as I see from what I wrote, I was somewhat outside myself. In the
+interval things have taken an amazing turn. I am still bewildered--but
+I must put it all down from the beginning.
+
+The Colonel left as she said he would, and I went round to lunch with
+her.
+
+We had a delightful _tete-a-tete_, and after lunch she played the
+piano. I was feeling in splendid voice and she accompanied me to
+perfection in Tchaikowsky's "To the Forest," always a favourite of
+mine. As the last chords died away, Zoe jumped up from the piano and,
+with eyes dancing with excitement, placed her hands on my shoulders and
+exclaimed:
+
+"Karl! I have an idea! I shall make a prisoner of you for two or three
+days."
+
+I laughed heartily and almost told her that she had already made me a
+prisoner for life, only I can never get those sort of remarks out quick
+enough.
+
+But when she said, "No! I am not joking, I mean it," I felt there was
+more meaning in her sentence than I had at first thought. I begged to
+be enlightened, and she then unfolded her scheme.
+
+She told me for the first time, that in a forest not far from Bruges
+she had a little summer-house, to which she used to retreat for
+week-ends in the hot weather when the Colonel was away. He knew nothing
+of this country house (she was very insistent on that point), so I
+imagined she paid for it out of her dress allowance or in some other
+way. The idea that had just struck her was that she had a sudden fancy
+to go and spend two days there, and I was to go with her.
+
+I was ready to go to Africa with her if my leave permitted, and it so
+happened that I was due for four days' overseas leave (limited to
+Belgian territory) so that this fitted in very well, and I told her so.
+
+She was delighted, then, with one of those quick intuitions which women
+are so clever at, she read the half-formed thought in my mind, and
+said: "You mustn't think it's not going to be conventional; old Babette
+will be with us to chaperon me." Old Babette is an aged female whom she
+calls her maid. I think she is jealous of me.
+
+I agreed at once that of course I quite understood it was to be highly
+conventional, etc., though I smiled to myself as I visualized my
+mother's shocked face and uplifted hands had she heard my Zoe's ideas
+on the conventions.
+
+I was trying to fathom what was at the bottom of it all when she
+remarked: "Of course, as my prisoner you will have to obey all my
+orders."
+
+I replied that this was certainly so.
+
+"And one of the first things," she continued, "that happens to a
+prisoner when he goes through the enemy lines is that he is
+blindfolded, and in the same way I shan't let you know where you are
+going."
+
+Seeing a doubtful look in my eyes as I endeavoured to keep pace with
+the underlying idea, if any, of this truly feminine fancy, she suddenly
+came up to me and, lifting her eyes to mine, murmured: "Don't you trust
+me?"
+
+In a moment my passion flared up, and rained hot kisses on her face as
+she struggled to release herself from my arms.
+
+When I left that night after dinner, and, walking on air, returned to
+the Mess, it was arranged that I should be at her flat with my
+suit-case at 6 p.m. the next evening, prepared, to use her own words,
+"to disappear with me for 48 hours."
+
+She had told me of an address in Bruges which she said would forward on
+any telegram if I was recalled, and I had to be satisfied with that,
+for I may as well say here that I never discovered where I went to, and
+I don't know to this moment in what part of Belgium I spent the last
+two nights.
+
+I tried to find out at first, but as she obviously attached some
+importance to keeping the locality of her woodland retreat a secret,
+probably to circumvent the Colonel, I soon gave up trying to get the
+secret from her, and contented myself with taking things as they came.
+
+To go on with my account of what happened--which was really so
+remarkable that I propose writing it out in detail to the best of my
+memory--at 6 p.m. next day I was naturally at her flat feeling very
+much as if I was on the threshold of an adventure.
+
+Zoe was excited and the flat was in a turmoil, as apparently she had
+only just begun to pack her dressing-case.
+
+Soon after six we went down and got into a large Mercedes car which I
+had noticed standing outside when I arrived. We were soon on our way,
+and left Bruges by the Eastern barrier; we showed our passes and
+proceeded into the darkened country-side. We had been running for about
+a mile when she remarked, "Prisoners will now be blindfolded!" and, to
+my astonishment, slipped a little black silk bag over my head.
+
+I was so startled I didn't know whether to be angry, or to laugh, or
+what to do. Eventually I did nothing, and, entering into the spirit of
+the game, declared that even a wretched prisoner had the right not to
+be stifled, whereupon she lifted the lower portion of the bag and
+uncovered my mouth. Shortly afterwards I was electrified to feel a pair
+of soft lips meet mine, a sensation which was repeated at frequent
+intervals, and, as I whispered in her ear, under these conditions I was
+prepared to be taken prisoner into the jaws of hell.
+
+This pleasant journey had lasted for about three-quarters of an hour
+when my mask was removed and I was informed that I was "inside the
+enemy lines!" Through the windows of the car I could dimly see that an
+apparently endless mass of fir trees were rushing past on each side.
+This state of affairs continued for a kilometre or so, when we branched
+to the right and soon entered a large clearing in the forest, at one
+side of which stood the house. Babette, Zoe and myself entered the
+building, and the car disappeared, presumably back to Bruges.
+
+The house, built of logs, was of two stories; on the ground floor were
+two living rooms, and the domains of Babette, who amongst her other
+accomplishments turned out to be not only a most capable valet, but a
+first-class cook. On the second story there were two large rooms. The
+whole house was furnished after the manner of a hunting lodge, with
+stags' heads on the walls, and skins on the floors. In the drawing-room
+there was a piano and a few etchings of the wild boar by Schaffein.
+
+I dressed for dinner in my "smoking," though under ordinary
+circumstances I should have considered this rather formal, but I was
+glad I did, for she appeared in full evening _tenue_. She wore a violet
+gown, and across her forehead a black satin bandeau with a Z in
+diamonds upon it. It must have cost two thousand marks, and I wondered
+with a dull kind of jealousy whether the Colonel had given it to her.
+
+I cannot remember of what we talked during dinner. We have a hundred
+subjects in common, and we look at so many aspects of the world through
+the same pair of eyes; I only know that when I have been talking to her
+for a period--there is no exact measurement of time for me when I am
+with her--I leave her presence feeling "completed." I feel that a sort
+of gap within my being has been filled, that a spiritual hunger has
+been satisfied, that I have got something which I wanted, but for which
+I could not have formulated the desire in words. I had resolved that on
+this first night I would bring matters between us to a head and end
+this delicious but intolerable uncertainty as to how we stood; yet,
+when old Babette had served us with coffee in the drawing-room, as I
+call the second living-room, and we were alone together, I could not
+bring up the subject. Partly because I think she prevented me so doing
+by that skilful shepherding of the conversation into other paths with
+an artfulness with which God endows all women, and also partly because
+I could not screw myself up to the pitch. I could not, or rather would
+not, put my fate to the touch. I had a presentiment that in reaching
+for the summit I might fall from the slope. Alas! how true was this
+foreboding in some senses--but I will keep all things in their right
+order.
+
+[Illustration: "_The track met our ram_."]
+
+[Illustration: In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower]
+
+Let it only be recorded that when she kissed me good-night (with the
+tenderness of a mother) and left me to smoke a final cigar I had said
+nothing, and I could only wonder at the strange fate that had placed me
+practically alone with a girl whom I had grown to love with a deep
+emotion, and who appeared to love me, yet often behaved as if I was her
+brother.
+
+The next day we were like two children. The snow was deep on the
+ground, and the fir trees stood like thousands of sentinels in grey
+uniform round the clearing. Once during the afternoon, as with Zoe's
+assistance I was furiously chopping wood for the fire, a droning noise
+made me look up, and thousands of metres overhead a small squadron of
+aeroplanes, evidently bound for the Western Front, sailed slowly across
+the sky. I thought how awkward it would be for them if they experienced
+an engine failure whilst over the forest, though they were up so high
+that I imagine they could have glided ten kilometres, and as I think
+(but I am not certain, and I have pledged myself not to try and find
+out) we were in the Forest of Montellan, which is barely fifteen
+kilometres broad, I suppose they could have fallen clear of the trees.
+
+As a matter of fact I imagine they would have used our clearing--I'm
+glad they didn't.
+
+That night after dinner she played to me, first Beethoven and then
+Chopin. I can see her as I write; she had just finished the 14th
+Prelude and, resting her chin on her hand, she smiled mysteriously at
+me.
+
+The hour had come, and, driven by strong impulses, I spoke. I told her
+that I loved her as I had never thought that a man could love a woman;
+I told her that I longed to shield her and protect her, and above all
+things to remove her from the clutches of that bestial Colonel, and as
+I bent over her and felt my senses swim in the subtleties of her
+perfume, I begged her passionately to say the word that would give me
+the right to fight the world on her behalf.
+
+When I had finished she was silent for a long while, and I can remember
+distinctly that I wondered whether she could hear the thump! thump!
+thump! of my heart, which to my agitated mind seemed to beat with the
+strength of a hammer.
+
+At length she spoke; two words came slowly from her lips:
+
+"I cannot."
+
+I was not discouraged. I could see, I could feel, that a tremendous
+struggle was raging, the outward signs of which were concealed by her
+averted head.
+
+At length I asked her point-blank whether she loved me. Her silence
+gave me my answer, and I took her unresisting body into my arms and
+kissed her to distraction. Oh! these kisses, how bitter they seem to me
+now, and yet how I long to hold her once again. For, freeing herself
+from my embrace and speaking almost mechanically, she said:
+
+"Karl! I must tell you. I cannot marry you."
+
+I pleaded, I prayed, I argued, I demanded. It was in vain; I always
+came up against the immovable "I cannot."
+
+And then I crashed over the precipice towards whose edge I had been
+blindly going. I had said for the hundredth time, "But you know you
+love me," when with a sob she abandoned all reserve, and, flinging her
+arms round my neck, implored me to take her. Then, as I caught my
+breath, she quickly said, as if frightened that she had gone too far,
+"But I cannot marry you."
+
+I looked down into those beautiful eyes, and for the first time I
+understood. For perhaps ten seconds I battled for my soul and the
+purity of our love; then, tearing my sight from those eyes which would
+lure an archangel to destruction, I was once more master of my body. As
+my resolution grew, I hated her for doing this thing that had wrecked
+in an instant the hopes of months, the ideals on which I had begun to
+build afresh my life.
+
+She felt the change, and left me.
+
+As she went out by the door she gave me one last look, a look in which
+love struggled with shame, a look which no man has ever earned the
+right to receive from any woman.
+
+But I was as a statue of marble, dazed by this calamity.
+
+As the door closed upon her, I started forward--it was too late.
+
+Had she waited another instant--but there, I write of what has happened
+and not what might have been.
+
+I did not sleep that night, until the dawn began to separate each fir
+tree from the black mass of the forest. Twice in the night, with shame
+I confess it, I opened my door and looked down the little passage-way;
+and twice I closed the door and threw myself upon my bed in an agony of
+torment. It was ten o'clock when a knock at the door aroused me, and
+the sunlight through the window-pane was tracing patterns on the floor.
+
+There was a note on the breakfast table, but before I opened it I knew
+that, save for Babette, I was alone in the house.
+
+The note was brief, unaddressed and unsigned. I have it here before me;
+I have meant to tear it up but I cannot. It is a weakness to keep it,
+but I have lost so much in the last few days, that I will not grudge
+myself some small relic of what has been. The note says:
+
+"I am leaving for Bruges at half-past eight, when the car was ordered
+to fetch us back. I go alone. Babette will give you breakfast. The car
+will return for you at eleven o'clock. I rely on your honour in that
+you will not observe where you have been. Come to me when you want
+me--till then, farewell."
+
+It was as she said, and I honourably acceded to her request. This
+afternoon just before lunch I arrived in Bruges, and since tea-time I
+have tried to write down what has happened since I left the day before
+yesterday. Oh! how could she do it, how can it be possible that she is
+a woman like that? I could have sworn that she was not like this--and
+yet how can I account for her life with the Colonel? There must be some
+reason, but in Heaven's name, what?
+
+Meanwhile I am to go to her when I want her! And that will be when I
+can give her my name. But oh! Zoe, I want you now, so badly, oh! so
+badly!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I saw her once to-day in the gardens, walking by herself.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have told Max's secretary that I want to get to sea; to be here in
+Bruges and not to see her is more than I can bear.
+
+I sail at dawn to-morrow. Shall I see her? No, it is best not.
+
+A frightful noise over the New Year celebrations to-night. Champagne
+flowing like water in the Mess. I feel the year 1917 opens badly for
+me.
+
+Weissman also went to sea again for a short trip in the Channel, and
+has not reported for five days. Perhaps he has despised the Dover
+Barrage once too often. If this is so, it is a great loss to the
+service: he was a man of iron resolution in underwater attack.
+
+I feel I ought to despise Zoe, but I can't. I love her too much; after
+all, am I not perhaps encasing myself in the robe of a Pharisee?
+
+She offered me all she had, save only the one thing I asked, without
+which I will take nothing. I cannot reconcile her behaviour with her
+character; why can't she trust me? why can't she be frank with me? I
+will not believe she is that sort.
+
+I feel I cannot go out again without a _sign_--I may not return, and I
+will not leave her, perhaps for ever, with this bitterness between us.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+At sea in U.C.47 again. Alten as surly as ever.
+
+I decided finally to write to Zoe, but found it difficult to know what
+to say. Eventually I said more than I had intended. I told her frankly
+that I experienced a shock, but that I had not meant to seem so cold,
+and that what I had done had been done for both our sakes. I told her
+that I still loved her, and I implored her once more to leave the
+Colonel and come to me as my wife.
+
+Already I long to know what message awaits me on my return.
+
+This will not be for three days. We left at dawn this morning to lay
+mines off the channel to Harwich harbour; a nest from which submarines,
+cruisers and destroyers buzz in and out like wasps. It will be ticklish
+work.
+
+
+
+
+_On the bottom_.
+
+
+Our mines are still with us, but so are our lives, which is something.
+
+We were approaching the appointed spot at 6 a.m. this morning, when
+without the slightest warning the track of a torpedo was seen streaking
+towards us about 50 yards on the starboard bow.
+
+Before Alten (who was on the bridge with me) could do more than press
+the diving alarm, the track met our ram. I breathed again, and was then
+reminded by an oath from Alten that the boat was diving.
+
+It was evident that we had only been saved by the torpedo running deep
+under the cut-away part of our bow, otherwise!--well, the tangle of my
+affairs would have been easily straightened.
+
+Further procedure on the surface was suicidal, and we kept hydrophone
+patrol, twice hearing the motors of the enemy submarine. At the moment
+we are on the bottom waiting to come up and charge to-night, and lay
+our mines at dawn to-morrow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+On the bottom in 28 metres and feeling none too comfortable, as there
+would appear to be about a dozen destroyers overhead.
+
+Last night, or rather early this morning, I participated in one of the
+most extraordinary incidents that I have ever heard of.
+
+It was pitch-black dark when I took over at 4 a.m., and a fresh breeze
+had raised a lumpy sea, which covered the bridge with spray. We were
+charging 400 amps on each, with the intention of laying one mine
+directly there was sufficient light to get a fix from some of the buoys
+which the English stick down all over the place here in the most
+convenient manner possible. If only one could believe they never
+shifted them. Alten says it never occurs to an Englishman to do a thing
+like that, but I'm not so sure. However, we were proceeding along at
+about five knots, crashing into the sea rather badly, when out of the
+black beastliness of the night I saw a shape close aboard on the port
+hand.
+
+As I hesitated for a second as to my course of action, I was astounded
+to see a large submarine which must have been British, on an opposite
+course, not more than 25 metres away!
+
+This sounds absurd, but it really wasn't further. I'm not ashamed to
+confess that I was completely disorganized; it did not seem possible
+that the enemy was literally alongside me.
+
+I don't know how it struck the officer in the British boat, but I must
+give him credit for doing something first, for he fired a Very's white
+light straight at me as the two boats passed. It impinged on the hull,
+and in the flash I caught a photographic glimpse of his conning tower,
+on which was painted the letter E, followed by two numbers, of which
+one was a two I think, and the other a nine.
+
+By this time he was on my port quarter and rapidly disappearing; in a
+frenzy of rage I managed to get my revolver out, and whilst with the
+left hand I pressed the diving alarm, with the right hand I emptied the
+magazine in his direction. When we were down, Alten practically
+refused to believe me, which made me very pleased that in descending I
+had trod on a pair of hands which turned out to be his, as he had
+started up the ladder to the upper conning tower when he first heard
+the alarm.
+
+I presume our opponent dived as well, but evidently he had put two and
+two together and used his aerial at some period, for when at dawn we
+poked a periscope up, a flotilla of destroyers appeared to be looking
+for something, which "something" was us, unless I am much mistaken; so
+we bottomed, where we have been ever since. The Hydroplane Operator
+keeps up a monotonous sing-song to the effect that "Fast running
+propellers are either receding or approaching." The crew are collected
+round the mine-tubes as I write, and are singing a lugubrious song, the
+refrain of which runs:
+
+  "Death for the Fatherland! Glorious fate,
+  This is the end that we gladly await."
+
+Why will the seamen always become morbid when possible? And there is
+not a man amongst them who is not inwardly thinking of some beer-hall
+in Bruges, though I suppose that like their betters they have their
+romances of a tenderer kind.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The boat has been rolling about on the bottom in the most sickening
+manner the whole afternoon. We flooded P and Q to capacity, which gave
+her 50 tons negative, but it seems to have little effect in steadying
+her, and it is evident that a really heavy gale is running on top.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Surfaced at 10 p.m.; a very heavy sea running and impossible to do much
+more than heave to. This weather has one point in its favour and that
+is that the destroyers are driven in.
+
+It got steadily worse all night, and at midnight we lost our foremost
+wireless mast overboard; we have now (10 a.m.) been 48 hours without
+communication. At dawn we could see nothing to fix by; not a buoy in
+sight, nothing but an expanse of foam-topped short steep waves of dirty
+neutral-tinted water; how different to the great green and white surges
+of the broad Atlantic.
+
+Under these circumstances Alten decided to risk it and return without
+laying our mines; for once in a way I agreed with him, as it is better
+not to lay a minefield at all than dump one down in some unknown
+position which one may have to traverse oneself in the course of a
+month or so. We are now slowly, very slowly, struggling back to
+Zeebrugge.
+
+A green sea came down the conning tower to-day, and everything in the
+boat is damp and smelly and beastly. The propellers race at frequent
+intervals and the whole boat shudders--I feel miserable.
+
+Alten has started to drink spirits; he began as soon as we decided to
+go back. He will be incapable by to-night, and it means that I shall
+have to take her in.
+
+What hell this is, sitting in sodden clothes, with the stench of four
+days' living assaulting the nostrils, and a motion of the devil; the
+glass is very low and is slowly rising, so that I suppose it will blow
+harder soon, though it is about force eight at present.
+
+I wonder what Zoe will have written in reply to my note. When I think
+of what I rejected and compare it with my beast-like existence here, I
+can hardly believe that I behaved as I did--what would I not give now
+to be transported back to the forest! At this rate of progress we shall
+take another 24 hours. I wonder if I can knock another half-knot out of
+her without smashing her up.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The extraordinarily violent motion has upset the _Anschutz_. [1] The
+bearing cone of the stabilizing gyro has cracked, and the master
+compass began to wander off in circles. I was just resting for an hour
+or two, wedged up on a wet settee with coats equally wet, when her
+heavy pitching changed to a wallowing roll, and I heard the pilot, who
+was on watch, cursing down the voice-pipe, as we had sagged off our
+course.
+
+[Footnote 1: Gyroscopic compass.--ETIENNE.]
+
+I heard the voice of the helmsman querulously maintain that he was
+steering his course by _Anschutz_, so I got up and gingerly clawed my
+way into the control room, where I found by comparing _Anschutz_ with
+magnetic that the former had gone to hell, the reason being obvious, as
+the stabilizer was exerting a strongly biased torque. I stopped the
+_Anschutz_ and asked the pilot to give the helmsman a steady by
+magnetic.
+
+As we staggered back to our course I heard a thud in the wardroom, and
+on returning to my settee found that Alten had rolled out of his bunk,
+where he was lying in a drunken stupor, and that he was face downwards,
+sprawling on the deck, half his face in the broken half of a dirty dish
+which had fallen off the table whilst I was having tea. As I couldn't
+let the crew see him like this, I was obliged to struggle and get him
+back into his bunk. He was like a log and absolutely incapable of
+rendering me any assistance, though he did open his eyes and mutter
+once or twice as I lifted him up, trunk first and then his legs. He
+stank of spirits and I hated touching him. Lord! what a truly hoggish
+man he is; yet I cannot help envying him his oblivion to these
+surroundings.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+Arrived in, this afternoon.
+
+
+Alten quite slept off his drink, and was offensively sarcastic as I
+worked on the forepart with wires, getting her into the shelters
+alongside the mole.
+
+I hastened up to Bruges, and in the Mess heard several items of news
+and found two letters. The first, in a well-known handwriting, I opened
+eagerly, but received a chill of disappointment when I read its single
+line.
+
+"I am here when you want me.--Z."
+
+So she thinks to break my resolution!
+
+No! I am stronger than she, and, now that I know she loves me, I can
+and will bend her to my will. Even now, at this distance of time, I can
+hardly understand my conduct the other day. I must have been given the
+strength of ten. I feel that I could not do it again; had she hesitated
+a second longer at the door--well, I can hardly say what I would have
+done.
+
+It is my duty to do so, for her sake and my own. But I know my
+weakness, and in this fact lies my strength. Cost what it may, I shall
+not permit myself to go near her until she yields.
+
+The second letter gave me a great surprise. It was from Rosa. She has
+passed some examination, and is coming _here_ of all places as a Red
+Cross nurse. She says she is looking forward to going round a U-boat!
+She assumes a good deal, I must say, still, I suppose I must be polite
+to her; but why the deuce does she sign herself "Yours, Rosa?" She's
+not mine, and I don't want her; it seems funny to me that I once
+thought of her vaguely in that sort of way. Now, I feel rather
+disturbed that she is coming here, though I don't quite see why I
+should worry, and yet I wonder if it is a coincidence her coming to
+Bruges?
+
+I'm almost inclined to think it isn't. After all, every girl wants to
+get married, and without conceit my family, circumstances and, in the
+privacy of the pages of this journal I may add, my personal
+appearances, are such as would appeal to most girls--except Zoe,
+apparently!
+
+I'll have to be on my guard against Miss Rosa.
+
+I heard to-day that I am likely to be appointed to the periscope school
+in a few weeks' time, and meanwhile I am to be attached as
+supernumerary to the operations division on old Max's staff.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The work here is most interesting. I feel glad that I am one of the
+spiders weaving the web for Britain's destruction.
+
+The impasse with Zoe still continues, and my peace of mind has been
+still further disturbed by the actual arrival of Rosa. She rang me up
+within twelve hours of her arrival, and, of course, I was obliged to
+call. That was the day before yesterday. Rosa is at the No. 3 Hospital
+here, and was horribly effusive. Some people would, I suppose, call her
+good-looking, but to me, with my mind's-eye in perpetual contemplation
+of my darling Zoe, Rosa looked like a turnip. Her first movement after
+the preliminary greetings was to offer me a cigarette! I then noticed
+that her fingers were stained with nicotine, unpleasant in a man,
+disgusting in a woman.
+
+Her nose was shiny and greasy--horrible. After a little talk she
+volunteered the statement that yesterday was her afternoon off, and she
+was simply longing to have tea in the gardens.
+
+I endeavoured to make some feeble excuse on the grounds of the weather
+being unsuitable, but I am no good at these social lies, and I was
+eventually obliged to promise to take her there. I was the more annoyed
+in that her main object was obviously to be seen walking with a U-boat
+officer.
+
+Accordingly, yesterday, I found myself walking about with her at my
+side. My feelings can better be imagined than described when I suddenly
+saw Zoe, accompanied by Babette, in the distance. I hastily altered
+course, and pray she didn't see me.
+
+In the course of the afternoon Rosa had the impertinence to say that at
+Frankfurt they were saying that I was interested in a beautiful widow
+at Bruges, and could she (Rosa) write and say I was heart-whole, or
+else what the girl was like. I'm afraid that I lost my temper a little,
+and I told Rosa she could write to all the busybodies at home and tell
+them from me to go to the devil.
+
+These women in the home circle, and especially aunts, are always the
+same; firstly, they badger one to get married, and then if they think
+one is contemplating such a step they are all agog to find out whether
+she is suitable!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Three more boats, two of which are U.C.'s, are overdue. It is
+distinctly unpleasant not knowing how or where they go, though the U.B.
+boat (Friederich Althofen) made her incoming position the day before
+yesterday as off Dungeness, so it looks as if the barrage at Dover
+which got Weissman has got Althofen as well. I wonder what new devilry
+they have put down there.
+
+How one wishes that in 1914, instead of seeking the capture of Paris,
+we had realized the importance of the Channel Ports to England, and
+struck for them!
+
+It would not have been necessary to strike even in September, 1914. We
+could have walked into them. Dunkirk, at all events, should have been
+ours; however, we must do the best with things as they are, not that I
+would consider it too late even now to make a big push for the French
+coast.
+
+It would seem, as a matter of fact, that all the pushing is to be at
+the other end of the line, in the Verdun sector, from the rumours I
+hear, though I should have thought once bitten twice shy in that
+quarter.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Saw Zoe again in the distance, and I think she saw me; at all events
+she turned round and walked away.
+
+This girl whom I cannot, and would not if I could, obliterate from my
+thoughts, is causing me much worry.
+
+She shows no sign of giving in, and I for one intend to be adamant. I
+shall defeat her in time. The male intellect is always ultimately
+victorious, other things being equal. I was reading Schopenhauer on the
+subject last night. What a brain that man had, though I confess his
+analysis of the female mentality is so terribly and truthfully cruel
+that it jars on certain of my feelings.
+
+Zoe's resolution in this conflict, this sex war one might call it, only
+adds to her charm in my eyes; she is, I feel, a worthy mate for me,
+both intellectually and physically, and she shall be mine--I have
+decided it.
+
+Met Rosa to-day at old Max's house, where I went to pay a duty call.
+
+Her Excellency is as forbidding a specimen of her sex as any I have
+ever met. She quite frightened me, and in the home circle the old man
+seemed quite subdued.
+
+I escorted Rosa home, and on the way to her hospital she gave me a
+great surprise, as after much evasive talk she suddenly came out with
+the news that she was engaged to Heinrich Baumer, of U.C.23. I was
+quite taken aback, and will frankly confess that not so very long ago I
+imagined, evidently erroneously, that she was disposed to let her
+affections become engaged in another quarter. However, I was really
+very glad to hear this news, and congratulated her with genuine
+feeling.
+
+The knowledge that she was a promised woman quite altered my feelings
+towards her, and before I quite meant to, I had told her a considerable
+amount about Zoe. It gave me much relief to be able to unburden myself,
+and confide my difficulties elsewhere than in the pages of this
+journal.
+
+I have asked the girl to tea to-morrow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A vile air raid last night. British machines, of course. They seemed
+determined to get over the town, and from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. relays of
+machines (of which not _one_ was shot down) attacked us. The din was
+tremendous, and all sleep was out of the question.
+
+Morning revealed surprisingly little damage, as is often the case in
+these big raids, whereas a few bombs from a chance machine often work
+havoc. I was down at 50 B.C. aerodrome this morning, and heard that as
+soon as the moon suits we are going to make Dunkirk sit up as
+retaliation for last night's efforts. There were also rumours of big
+attacks impending on London as soon as the new type of Gothas are
+delivered. That will shake the smug security of those cursed islanders.
+
+Rosa came to tea, and afterwards I told her more about Zoe, and as I
+expect any day to be appointed to the periscope school at Kiel, I asked
+Rosa to try and effect an introduction to Zoe, and do what she could
+for me. Rosa gave me the impression that she was somewhat surprised
+that I should have had any difficulty with Zoe (of course I had not
+told her of the shooting-box scene). Rosa evidently thinks any woman
+ought to be honoured....
+
+Perhaps I was not so far wrong in my surmises as to Rosa's previous
+inclinations--I wonder; at any rate she will undoubtedly make Baumer a
+good wife, and she will probably be very fruitful and grow still fatter
+and housewifely. She is of a type of woman appointed by God in his
+foresight as breeders. Zoe, my adorable one, will probably not take
+kindly to babies.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am ordered to report myself at Kiel by next Monday.
+
+I am terribly tempted to ring up Zoe on the telephone before I leave:
+it seems dreadful to leave her without a word; but at the same time I
+feel that she would interpret this as a sign of weakness on my part--as
+indeed it would be. I must be firm, for strength of mind pays with
+women, even more than with men.
+
+
+
+
+_At Kiel_.
+
+
+I left Bruges without a word either to or from my obstinate darling.
+
+It is torture being away from her. I had thought that when I was here
+and not exposed to the temptation of going round and seeing her, that
+it would be easier; it is not. I long to write, and how I wonder
+whether she is feeling it as I do.
+
+I have read somewhere that a woman's passion once aroused is more
+ungovernable than a man's. That her whole being cries aloud for me
+cannot be doubted, and if the above statement is true what
+inflexibility of will she must be showing--it almost makes me fear--but
+no, I will defeat her in this strange contest, and she shall be my
+wife.
+
+The work here is strenuous, and the grass does not grow under one's
+feet. The course for commanding officers lasts four weeks, and
+terminates in an exceedingly practical but rather fearsome test--i.e.,
+they have six steamers here camouflaged after the English fashion with
+dazzle painting, and these six steamers, protected by launches and
+harbour defence craft, steam across Kiel Bay in the manner of a convoy.
+The officer being examined has to attack this group of ships in one of
+the instructional submarines, and in three attacks he must score at
+least two hits, or else, in theory, he is returned to general service
+in the Fleet.
+
+Fortunately at the moment I hear that owing to recent losses they are
+distinctly on the short side where submarine officers are concerned, so
+they'll probably make it easy when I do my test.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I see I have written nothing here for a fortnight; this is due to two
+causes: Firstly, I have been so extraordinarily busy, and, secondly, I
+have been most depressed through a letter I received from Fritz. It
+contained two items of bad news.
+
+In the first place, I heard for the first time of the tragedy of
+Heinrich Baumer's boat, and to my astonishment Fritz tells me that Rosa
+and another girl were in her when she was lost!
+
+It appears that she was to go out for a couple of hours' diving off the
+port as a matter of routine after her two months' overhaul. She went
+out at 10 a.m., and was sighted from the signal station at the end of
+the mole at 11.30, when almost immediately afterwards there was an
+explosion and she disappeared. Motor-boats were quickly on the scene,
+but only debris came to the surface. Divers were sent down, and
+reported that she was in ten metres of water completely shattered. It
+is assumed, for lack of other explanation, that she struck a chance
+drifting mine which was moving down the coast on the tide.
+
+Meanwhile Rosa and another sister were missing from the hospital, and
+after forty-eight hours someone put two and two together and started
+investigations. It has been ascertained that Baumer motored down from
+Bruges after breakfast, and that in the car were two figures taken to
+be sailors, as they were muffled up in oilskins. This fact was noted by
+the control sentries, as, though the day was showery, it was not
+raining hard. Other scraps of evidence unite in showing that these were
+the two girls who had apparently induced Baumer to take them out for a
+dive as a treat.
+
+What a tragedy! However, it must have been quite instantaneous. Poor
+Rosa, with all her vanities about war work, to think that the war would
+claim her like that! [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: It is known that a boat with women on board was lost
+whilst exercising off Zeebrugge in the Spring of 1917. This would
+appear to be the boat in question.--ETIENNE.]
+
+Fritz added that old Max is almost off his head with rage over the
+whole business, and it is difficult to say whether he is more angry
+over Baumer and the boat being lost, or over the fact that Baumer being
+dead he is unable to administer those "disciplinary actions" in which
+he delights.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Great excitement here, as the day after to-morrow His Imperial Majesty
+the Kaiser and Hindenburg are due to pay Kiel a surprise visit. We are
+to be inspected and addressed. Tremendous preparations are going on.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+His Majesty, accompanied by the great Field-Marshal, inspected us this
+morning, and made a fine speech, of which we have been given printed
+copies. I shall frame mine and hang it in my boat, if I get a command.
+
+I transcribe it:
+
+"Officers and men of the U-boat service:
+
+"In the midst of the anxious moments in which we live I have determined
+to make time to come and witness in my own person the labours of those
+on whom I and the Fatherland rely. Fresh from the great battles on the
+West which are gnawing at the vitals of our hereditary enemies, I come
+to those whose glorious mission it will be to strike relentlessly at
+our most deadly and cunning enemy--cursed Britain. God is on our side
+and will protect you at sea for, in the striking at the nation which
+openly boasts that it aims at starving our women and children, you are
+engaged on a mission of undoubted holiness.
+
+"You must sink and destroy even as of old the Israelites smote and
+destroyed the alien races.
+
+"To the officers I would particularly say, my person is your honour,
+and I am your supreme chief. From my hands you will receive honour, and
+from my hands will proceed just punishment for the unhappy ones who
+fail in their duty.
+
+"To the men I would say, trust and obey your officers as you would your
+God. Officers and men! In you, your Kaiser and Fatherland place their
+trust--let neither be disappointed!"
+
+After his address, His Majesty graciously spoke a few words to
+individuals, of whom I had the signal honour of being one. I felt that
+I was in the presence of an Emperor. His gestures, his eyes, his voice,
+impressed me as belonging to a man born to command and to fill high
+places. The Field-Marshal never opened his mouth. I understand from his
+A.D.C. that he rarely speaks in public.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Colonel is KILLED! When I think about it, I am so excited I can
+hardly write!
+
+I heard the great news last night, quite by accident. I was sitting in
+the Mess after dinner, and picked up _Die Woche_, and glancing at the
+pictures, I suddenly saw the portrait of Colonel Stein, of the
+Brandenburgers, killed on the 7th instant near Ypres. I recognized the
+ugly and bloated face immediately from the photograph of him which she
+had once shown me.
+
+My first impulse was to send her a wire, but, on thinking matters over,
+I decided that it would be difficult to put all my thoughts into the
+curt sentences of a telegram, and, further, that as all wires are
+doubtless examined at the Main Post Office at Bruges, it might lead to
+trouble, so I wrote her a letter.
+
+This, in a way, has been an exhibition of weakness on my part, as I had
+promised myself that I would not take the first step in reopening
+communication; but I feel that the fortunate death of Stein has
+completely altered the case. I told her in the letter that I realized
+that I had made mistakes, but that if she still loved me with half the
+strength that I loved her, then a telegram to me would make me the
+happiest of men.
+
+I wrote that yesterday, but have had no wire. Perhaps, like me, she
+distrusts telegrams and prefers letters.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A long letter from Zoe: an accursed fetter--an abominable letter--a
+damnable letter; she still refuses to marry me. I leave for Bruges
+to-night on forty-eight hours' special leave.
+
+
+
+
+_Kiel, 17th._
+
+
+I hate Zoe, she has broken my heart.
+
+After her preposterous letter of the 14th, I decided that in a matter
+which so closely affected my happiness no stone ought to remain
+unturned to ensure a satisfactory solution of the problem, so I
+determined to have a personal interview. I arrived at Bruges after tea
+and went at once to the flat.
+
+I tackled her immediately on the subject of her letter, and told her
+that naturally I understood that a decent interval must elapse before
+we married; but, granted this fact, I told her that I failed to see
+what prevented our marriage.
+
+A most unpleasant and harrowing scene ensued, the details of which form
+such painful recollections that I really cannot write them down here,
+though in the passage of months I have acquired the habit of writing in
+the pages of this journal with the same freedom as I would talk to that
+wife whom I had hoped to possess. She maintained an obstinate silence
+when I urged her to give me at least some tangible reason as to why she
+would not marry me. She contented herself and maddened me by reflecting
+in a kind of monotone: "I love you, Karl! and am yours, but I cannot
+marry you."
+
+I could have beaten her till she was senseless, but I had enough sense
+to realize that with Zoe, whose resolution, considering she is a woman,
+amazes me, force is not the best method. As I continued to press her
+(time was important: had I not journeyed far to see her?), those
+glorious eyes of hers, which I love and whose power I dread, filled
+with tears. I was a brute! I was heartless! I was inconsiderate! I
+could not love her! I was cruel! And I know not what other accusation
+crushed me down.
+
+Broken-hearted and dispirited, I told her to choose there and then.
+
+She collapsed on to a sofa in a storm of tears, and after a severe
+mental struggle I took the only possible course, and leaving the
+room--left her for ever. I have resumed my service life determined to
+cast her out from my mind.
+
+I will not deceive myself: it will be hard. Love and Logic are deadly
+enemies, but Logic must and shall prevail. Though I have seen her for
+the last time, I cannot escape the net of fascination which the girl
+has thrown over me. Perhaps in the course of time I shall slowly emerge
+and free myself from its entanglements. At present I hate her for this
+blow she has dealt me, and yet, O Zoe! my darling, how I long to be
+with you!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+To-day I went through my final test for qualification as U-boat
+commander.
+
+At 9 a.m. I proceeded to sea in command of the U.11, one of the
+instructional boats here. We proceeded out into Kiel Bay. On board and
+watching my every movement was a committee consisting of a commander
+and two lieutenant-commanders.
+
+On arrival at the entrance lightship, I was ordered to attack a convoy
+of camouflaged ships which were just visible about fifteen kilometres
+away off the Spit Bank. I had a very shrewd idea as to the course they
+would steer, and on coming up for my final observation I found myself
+in an excellent position, 1,000 metres on the bow of the leading ship.
+The rest was easy. I gave the leader the two bow torpedoes, and,
+turning sixteen points, fired my stern tube at the third ship of the
+line. Two hits were obtained, and I returned to harbour well pleased
+with myself. There is not the slightest chance of having failed to
+qualify.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+My confidence in myself was not misplaced; I heard to-day that I am on
+the command list, and anticipate in a few days being appointed to a
+boat. I wonder which craft I shall get?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I met the A.D.C. to the Chief of the Staff at the school, at the
+gardens, and in conversation with him discovered that he had heard that
+three boats were being detached from the Flanders flotilla for an
+unknown destination. This has given me an idea, for I feel that I can
+never return to Bruges, and I was rather dreading being appointed to
+one of the boats there. I have dropped a line to Fritz Regels, who is
+on old Max's staff, and told him that I do not wish to return to
+Bruges, and I further hinted that I understood a detached squadron was
+proceeding somewhere, and, as far as I was concerned, the further the
+better, if I could get into it.
+
+I have tried the night life at this place at the Mascotte and
+Trocadero, [1] in order to forget, but it is a poor consolation.
+
+[Footnote 1: Two well-known cabarets at Kiel.--ETIENNE.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A letter from Fritz, saying that he has an idea that Korting's boat
+would suit me, though he could not of course give me further details in
+a letter; however, he informs me positively that I shall not be at
+Bruges.
+
+On the strength of this I have wired to Fritz, and asked him to try and
+fix up an exchange between me and Korting, provided the latter is
+agreeable and the people in Max's office have no objection. I have a
+recollection that Korting's boat is one of the U.40--U.60 class, which
+would suit me admirably, and, as for destination, I care not where it
+is, provided only that it be far from Bruges.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea_.
+
+
+I have quite neglected my poor old journal for several weeks. But I
+have passed through an extraordinarily busy period.
+
+It was approved that I should relieve Korting, whose boat, the U.59, I
+discovered to be refitting at Wilhelmshaven. I was very pleased not to
+go back to Bruges, though as we steam steadily north at this moment I
+cannot escape a sense of deep disappointment that upon my return from
+this trip I shall not enjoy as of old the fascination of Zoe. But I
+shall have plenty of time to get accustomed to this idea, for this is
+no ordinary trip.
+
+We are bound for the North Cape and Murman Coast, where we remain until
+well into the cold weather--at any rate, for three months.
+
+Our mission is to work off that fogbound and desolate coast, and attack
+the constant stream of traffic between England and Archangel. There are
+two other boats besides ourselves on the job, but we shall all be
+working far apart.
+
+Our first billet is off the North Cape. In order to save time, we are
+to be provisioned once a month in one of the fjords. I don't imagine
+the Admiralty will have any difficulty in getting supplies up to us, as
+at the moment we are off the Lofotens, and we actually have not had to
+dive since we left the Bight!
+
+There seems to be nothing on the sea except ourselves. Where is the
+much vaunted and impenetrable web of blockade which the English are
+supposed to have spread around us? And yet many raw materials are
+getting very short with us. I see that in this boat they have replaced
+several copper pipes with steel ones during her refit, and this will
+lead to trouble unless we are careful--steel pipes corrode so badly
+that I never feel ready to trust them for pressure work.
+
+The truth about the blockade is that it is largely a paper blockade,
+yet not ineffective for all that. Unfortunately for us, the damned
+English and their hangers-on control the cables of the world, and hence
+all the markets, and I don't suppose, to take the case of copper, that
+a single pound of it is mined from the Rio Tinto without the British
+Board of Trade knowing all about it. The neutral firms simply dare not
+risk getting put on to the British Black List; it means ruination for
+them. And then all these dollar-grabbing Yankees, enjoying all the
+advantages of war without any of its dangers--they make me sick.
+
+This seems a most profitable job. I have only been up seven days, but
+I've bagged four steamers, all by gun-fire, and all fat ships, brimful
+of stuff for the Russians. My practice has been to make the North Cape
+every day or two to fix position, as the currents are the most abnormal
+in these parts, and I should say that the "Sailing Directions Pilotage
+Handbook" and "Tidal Charts" were compiled by a gentleman at a desk who
+had never visited these latitudes.
+
+At the moment I am standing well out to sea, as the immediate vicinity
+of the North Cape has become rather unhealthy.
+
+Yesterday afternoon (I had sunk number four in the morning, and the
+crew were still pulling for the coast) four British trawlers turned up.
+These damned little craft seem to turn up wherever one goes. I longed
+to have a bang at them with my gun, but, apart from the uncertainty as
+to what they carried in the way of armament, I have strict orders to
+avoid all that sort of thing, so I dived and steamed slowly west, came
+up at dusk and proceeded to charge up my batteries.
+
+These U.6O's are excellent boats, and I am very lucky to get one so
+soon. I suppose Korting, being a married man, wants to stay near his
+wife. I cannot write that word without painful memories of Zoe and idle
+thoughts of what might have been. Well, perhaps it is for the best. I
+am not sure that a member of the U-boat service has the right to get
+married in war-time, for unless he is of exceptional mentality it must
+affect his outlook under certain circumstances, though I think I should
+have been an exception here. Then the anxiety to the woman must be
+enormous; as every trip comes round a voice must cry within her, this
+may be the last. The contrast between the times in harbour and the
+trips is so violent, so shattering and clear cut.
+
+With a soldier's wife, she merely knows that he is at the front; with
+us, at 8 p.m. one may be kissing one's wife in Bruges, and at 6 a.m.
+creeping with nerves on edge through the unknown dangers of the Dover
+Barrage--but I have strayed from what I meant to write about--my first
+command and her crew.
+
+The quarters in this class are immensely superior to the U.C.-boats.
+Here I have a little cabin to myself, with a knee-hole table in it. My
+First Lieutenant, the Navigator and the Engineer have bunks in a room
+together, and then we have a small officers' mess.
+
+On this job up here, as we are not to return to Germany for supplies,
+and, consequently, I should say we may have to live on what we can get
+out of steamers, I don't propose to use my torpedoes unless I meet a
+warship or an exceptionally large steamer.
+
+The gun's the thing, as Arnauld de la Perriere has proved in the
+Mediterranean; but half the fellows won't follow his example, simply
+because they don't realize that it's no use employing the gun unless it
+is used accurately, and good shooting only comes after long drill.
+
+I have impressed this fact on my gun crew, and particularly the two
+gun-layers, and I make Voigtman (my young First Lieutenant) take the
+crew through their loading drill twice a day, together with practice of
+rapid manning of the gun after a "surface" or rapid abandonment of the
+gun should the diving alarms sound in the middle of practice. I have
+also impressed on Voigtman that I consider that he is the gun control
+officer, and that I expect him to make the efficient working of the gun
+his main consideration.
+
+As regards the crew, they are the usual mixed crowd that one gets
+nowadays: half of them are old sailors, the others recruits and new
+arrivals from the Fleet. My main business at the moment is to get the
+youngsters into shape, and for this purpose I have been doing a number
+of crash dives. It also gives me an opportunity of getting used to the
+boat's peculiarities under water. She seems to have a tendency to
+become tail-heavy, but this may be due to bad trimming.
+
+Voigtman has been in U.B.43 for nine months, and seems a capable
+officer. Socially, I don't think he can boast of much descent, but he
+has no airs, and treats me with pleasing respect, apart from service
+considerations.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A very awkward accident took place this morning, which resulted in
+severe injury to Johann Wiener, my second coxswain.
+
+A party of men under his direction were engaged in shifting the stern
+torpedo from its tube, in order to replace it with a spare torpedo, as
+I never allow any of my torpedoes to stay in the tube for more than a
+week at a time owing to corrosion. The torpedo which had been in the
+tube had been launched back and was on the floor plates.
+
+The spare torpedo, destined for the vacant tube, was hanging overhead,
+when without any warning the hook on the lifting band fractured, and
+the 1,000 kilogrammes' mass of metal crashed down.
+
+Wonderful to relate, no one was killed, but two men were badly bruised,
+and Wiener has been very seriously injured. He was standing astride the
+spare torpedo, and his right leg was extremely badly crushed, mostly
+below the knee.
+
+Unfortunately it took about ten minutes to release him from his
+position of terrible agony. I should have expected him to faint, but he
+did not. His face went dead white, and he began to sweat freely, but
+otherwise endured his ordeal with praiseworthy fortitude.
+
+[Illustration: "The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down."]
+
+[Illustration: "Good-bye! Steer west for America!"]
+
+[Illustration: "It is a snug anchorage and here I intend to remain."]
+
+I am now confronted with a perplexing situation. I cannot take him back
+to Germany; I cannot even leave my station and proceed south to any of
+the Norwegian ports. If I could find a neutral steamer with a doctor on
+board, I would tranship him to her; but the chances of this God-send
+materializing are a thousand to one in these latitudes. If I sighted a
+hospital ship I would close her, but as far as I know at present there
+are no hospital ships running up here. The chances of outside
+assistance may therefore be reckoned as nil. Wiener's hope of life
+depends on me, and I cannot make up my mind to take the step which
+sooner or later must be taken--that is to say, amputation.
+
+It is a curious fact, but true, nevertheless, that although, as a
+result of the war, men's lives, considered in quantity, seem of little
+importance, when it comes to the individual case, a personal contact, a
+man's life assumes all its pre-war importance.
+
+I feel acutely my responsibility in this matter. I see from his papers
+that he is a married man with a family; this seems to make it worse. I
+feel that a whole chain of people depend on me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Since I wrote the above words this morning, Wiener has taken a decided
+turn for the worse.
+
+I have been reading the "Medical Handbook," with reference to the
+remarks on amputation, gangrene, etc., and I have also been examining
+his leg. The poor devil is in great pain, and there is no doubt that
+mortification has set in, as was indeed inevitable. I have decided that
+he must have his last chance, and that at 8 p.m. to-night I will
+endeavour to amputate.
+
+
+
+
+_Midnight_.
+
+
+I have done it--only partially successful.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Last night, in accordance with my decision, I operated on Wiener.
+Voigtman assisted me. It was a terrible business, but I think it
+desirable to record the details whilst they are fresh in my memory, as
+a Court of Inquiry may be held later on. Voigtman and I spent the whole
+afternoon in the study of such meagre details on the subject as are
+available in the "Medical Handbook." We selected our knives and a saw
+and sterilized them; we also disinfected our hands.
+
+At 7.45 I dived the boat to sixty metres, at which depth the boat was
+steady. We had done our best with the wardroom-table, and upon this the
+patient was placed. I decided to amputate about four inches above the
+knee, where the flesh still seemed sound. I considered it impracticable
+to administer an anaesthetic, owing to my absolute inexperience in this
+matter.
+
+Three men held the patient down, as with a firm incision I began the
+work. The sawing through the bone was an agonizing procedure, and I
+needed all my resolution to complete the task. Up to this stage all had
+gone as well as could be expected, when I suddenly went through the
+last piece of bone and cut deep into the flesh on the other side. An
+instantaneous gush of blood took place, and I realized that I had
+unexpectedly severed the popliteal artery, before Voigtman, who was
+tying the veins, was ready to deal with it.
+
+I endeavoured to staunch the deadly flow by nipping the vein between my
+thumb and forefinger, whilst Voigtman hastily tried to tie it. Thinking
+it was tied, I released it, and alas! the flow at once started again;
+once more I seized the vein, and once again Voigtman tried to tie it.
+Useless--we could not stop the blood. He would undoubtedly have bled to
+death before our eyes, had not Voigtman cauterized the place with an
+electric soldering-iron which was handy.
+
+Much shaken, I completed the amputation, and we dressed the stump as
+well as we could.
+
+At the moment of writing he is still alive, but as white as snow; he
+must have lost litres of blood through that artery.
+
+
+
+
+9 _p.m._
+
+
+Wiener died two hours ago. I should say the immediate cause of death
+was shock and loss of blood. I did my best.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We have been out on this extended patrol area seven days, but not a
+wisp of smoke greets our eyes.
+
+Nothing but sea, sea, sea. Oh, how monotonous it is! I cannot make out
+where the shipping has got to. Tomorrow I am going to close the North
+Cape again. I think everything must be going inside me. I am too far
+out here.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The North Cape bears due east. Nothing afloat in sight. Where the devil
+can all the shipping be? In ten days' time I am due to meet my supply
+ship; meanwhile I think I'll have to take another cast out, of three
+hundred miles or so.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Nothing in sight, nothing, nothing.
+
+The barometer falling fast and we are in for a gale. I have decided to
+make the coast again, as I don't want to fail to turn up punctually at
+the rendezvous.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Standarak-Landholm Fjord--thank heavens.
+
+Heavens! we have had a time. We were still two hundred and fifty miles
+from the coast when we were caught by the gale. And a gale up here is a
+gale, and no second thoughts about it. To say it blew with the force of
+ten thousand devils is to understate the case. The sea came on to us in
+huge foaming rollers like waves of attacking infantry intent on
+overwhelming us.
+
+We struggled east at about three knots. But she stuck it magnificently.
+Low scudding clouds obscured the sky and came like a procession of
+ghosts from the north-east. Sun observations were impossible for two
+reasons. Firstly, no one could get on deck; secondly, there was no
+visible sun. This lasted for three days, at the end of which time we
+had only the vaguest idea as to where we were.
+
+The gale then blew out, but, contrary to all expectations, was
+succeeded by a most abominable fog, thick and white like cotton-wool.
+These were hardly ideal conditions under which to close a rocky and
+unknown coast, but it had to be done. The trouble was that it was
+entirely useless taking soundings, as the twenty-metre depth-line on
+the chart went right up to the land. We crept slowly eastwards, till,
+when by dead reckoning we were ten miles inside the coast, the
+Navigator accidentally leant on the whistle lever; this action on his
+part probably saved the ship, as an immediate echo answered the blast.
+In an instant we were going full-speed astern. We altered course
+sixteen points and proceeded ten miles westerly, where we lay on and
+off the coast all night, cursing the fog.
+
+Next day it lifted, and we spent the whole time trying to find the
+entrance to the S. Landholm Fjord. The coast appeared to bear no
+resemblance to the chart whatsoever.
+
+The cliffs stand up to a height of several hundred metres, with
+occasional clefts where a stream runs down. There are no trees, houses,
+animals, or any signs of life, except sea birds, of which there are
+myriads. The Engineer declares he saw a reindeer, but five other people
+on deck failed to see any signs of the beast.
+
+After hours of nosing about, during which my heart was in my mouth, as
+I quite expected to fetch up on a pinnacle rock, items which are
+officially described in the Handbook as being "very numerous," we
+rounded a bluff and got into a place which seems to answer the
+description of S. Landholm. At any rate, it is a snug anchorage, and
+here I intend to remain for a few days, and hope for my store-ship to
+turn up.
+
+I've posted a daylight look-out on top of the bluff; it would be very
+awkward to be caught unawares in this place, which is only about 150
+metres wide in places.
+
+I'm taking advantage of the rest to give the crew some exercises and
+execute various minor repairs to the Diesels.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Yesterday we fought what must be one of the most remarkable single-ship
+actions of the war.
+
+At 9 a.m. the look-out on the cliffs reported smoke to the northward.
+
+I got the anchor up and made ready to push off, but still kept the
+look-out ashore. At 9.30 he reported a destroyer in sight, which seemed
+serious if she chose to look into my particular nook.
+
+At any rate, I thought, I wouldn't be caught like a rat, so I got my
+look-out on board--a matter of ten minutes--and then proceeded out,
+trimmed down and ready for diving.
+
+When I drew clear of the entrance I saw the enemy distant about a
+thousand metres. I at once recognized her as being one of the oldest
+type of Russian torpedo boats afloat. When I established this fact, a
+devil entered into my mind, and did a most foolhardy act.
+
+I decided that I would not retreat beneath the sea, but that I would
+fight her as one service ship to another.
+
+When I make up my mind, I do so in no uncertain manner--indecision is
+abhorrent to me--and I sharply ordered, "Gun's Crew--Action."
+
+I can still see the comical look of wonderment which passed over my
+First Lieutenant's face, but he knows me, and did not hesitate an
+instant. We drilled like a battleship, and in sixty-five seconds--I
+timed it as a matter of interest--from my order we fired the first
+shot. It fell short.
+
+Extraordinary to relate, the torpedo boat, without firing a gun, put
+her helm hard over, and started to steam away at her full speed, which
+I suppose was about seventeen knots.
+
+I actually began to chase her--a submarine chasing a torpedo boat! It
+was ludicrous.
+
+With broad smiles on their faces, my good gun's crew rapidly fired the
+gun, and we had the satisfaction of striking her once, near her after
+funnel, but it did no vital damage, as a few minutes afterwards she
+drew out of range! What a pack of incompetent cowards!
+
+They never fired a shot at us. I suppose half of them were drunk or
+else in a state of semi-mutiny, for one hears strange tales of affairs
+in Russia these days.
+
+The whole incident was quite humorous, but I realized that I had hardly
+been wise, as without doubt the English will hear of this, and these
+trawlers of theirs will turn up, and I'm certainly not going to try any
+heroics with John Bull, who is as tough a fighter as we are.
+
+Meanwhile, what of the supply ship, for I'm supposed to meet her here,
+and it's already twenty-four hours since yesterday's epoch-making
+battle and I expect the English any moment.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+My doubts were removed for me since I received special orders at noon
+by high-power wireless from Nordreich, and on decoding them found that,
+for some reason or other, we are ordered to proceed to Muckle Flugga
+Cape, and thence down the coast of Shetlands to the Fair Island
+Channel, where we are directed to cruise till further orders. Special
+warning is included as to encountering friendly submarines.
+
+It appears to me that a special concentration of U-boats is being
+ordered round about the Orkneys, and that some big scheme is on hand.
+
+We are now steering south-westerly to make Muckle Flugga, which I hope
+to do in four days' time if the weather holds.
+
+These Northern waters have proved very barren of shipping in the last
+few weeks, and this fact, coupled with the approaching winter weather,
+which must be fiendish in these latitudes, makes me quite ready to
+exchange the Archangel billet for the work round the Orkneys and
+Shetlands, though this is damnable enough in the winter, in all
+conscience.
+
+There is only one fly in the ointment, and that is that this premature
+return to North Sea waters might conceivably mean a visit to Zeebrugge,
+though this class are not likely to be sent there.
+
+Though it is many weeks since I left Zoe, I have not been able to
+forget her. I continually wonder what she is doing, and often when I am
+not on my guard she wanders into my thoughts.
+
+Whilst I am up here, it does not matter much, except that it causes me
+unhappiness, but if I found myself at Bruges it would be very hard.
+However, I don't suppose I shall ever see her again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Sighted Muckle Flugga this morning, and shaped course for Fair Island.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Oh! what a hell I have passed through. I can hardly realize that I am
+alive, but I am, though whether I shall be to-morrow morning is
+doubtful--it all depends on the weather, and who would willingly stake
+their life on North Sea weather at this time of the year?
+
+Curses on the man who sent us to the Fair Island Channel. Where the
+devil is our Intelligence Service? If we make Flanders I have a story
+to tell that will open their eyes, blind bats that they are,
+luxuriating in the comfort of their fat staff jobs ashore.
+
+The Fair Island Channel is an English death-trap; it stinks with death.
+By cursed luck we arrived there just as the English were trying one of
+their new devices, and it is the devil. Exactly what the system is, I
+don't quite know, and I hope never again to have to investigate it.
+
+For forty-seven, hours we have been hunted like a rat, and now, with
+the pressure hull leaking in three places, and the boat half full of
+chlorine, we are struggling back on the surface, practically incapable
+of diving at least for more than ten minutes at a time. Even on the
+surface, with all the fans working, one must wear a gas mask to
+penetrate the fore compartment. Oh! these English, what devils they
+are!
+
+Here is what happened:
+
+Fair Island was away on our port beam when we sighted a large English
+trawler, which I suspected of being a patrol. To be on the safe side, I
+dived and proceeded at twenty metres for about an hour.
+
+At 5 p.m. (approximately) I came up to periscope depth to have a look
+round, but quickly dived again as I discovered a trawler, steering on
+the same course as myself, about a thousand metres astern of me. This
+was the more disconcerting, as in the short time at my disposal it
+seemed to me that she was remarkably similar to the craft I had seen in
+the afternoon, and yet this hardly seemed likely, as I did not think
+she could have sighted me then.
+
+On diving, I altered course ninety degrees, and proceeded for half an
+hour at full speed, then altered another ninety degrees, in the same
+direction as the previous alteration, and diving to thirty metres I
+proceeded at dead slow. By midnight I had been diving so much that I
+decided to get a charge on the batteries before dawn; I also wanted to
+be up at 1 a.m. to make my position report.
+
+I surfaced after a good look round through the right periscope, which,
+as usual, revealed nothing. I had hardly got on the bridge, when a
+flash of flame stabbed the night on the starboard beam and a shell
+moaned just overhead.
+
+I crash-dived at once, but could not get under before the enemy fired a
+second shot at us, which fortunately missed us. As we dived I ordered
+the helm hard a starboard, to counteract the expected depth-charge
+attack. We must have been a hundred and fifty metres from the first
+charge and a little below it, five others followed in rapid succession,
+but were further away, and we suffered no damage beyond a couple of
+broken lights. The situation was now extremely unpleasant. I did not
+dare venture to the surface, and thus missed my 1 a.m. signal from
+Headquarters. I wanted a charge badly, and so proceeded at the lowest
+possible speed. At regular intervals our enemy dropped one depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, but these reports always seemed the same
+distance away.
+
+At dawn I very cautiously came up to periscope depth, and had a look.
+To my consternation I discovered our relentless pursuer about 1,500
+metres away on the port quarter. In some extraordinary manner he had
+tracked us during the night.
+
+I dived and altered course through ninety degrees to south.
+
+At 9 a.m. a tremendous explosion shook the boat from stem to stern,
+smashing several lights, and giving her a big inclination up by the
+bow.
+
+As I was only at twenty metres I feared the boat would break surface,
+and our enemy was evidently very nearly right over us. I at once
+ordered hard to dive, and went down to the great depth of ninety-five
+metres.
+
+A series of shattering explosions somewhere above us showed that we
+were marked down, and we were only saved from destruction by our great
+depth, the English charges being set apparently to about thirty metres.
+
+At noon the situation was critical in the extreme. My battery density
+was down to 1,150, the few lamps that I had burning were glowing with a
+faint, dull red appearance, which eloquently told of the falling
+voltage and the dying struggles of the battery.
+
+The motors with all fields out were just going round. The faces of the
+crew, pallid with exhaustion, seemed of an ivory whiteness in the dusky
+gloom of the boat, which never resembled a gigantic and fantastically
+ornamental coffin so closely as she did at that time.
+
+The air was fetid. I struck a match; it went out in my fingers. The
+slightest effort was an agony. I bent down to take off my sea-boots,
+and cold sweat dropped off my forehead, and my pulse rose with a kind
+of jerk to a rapid beating, like a hammer.
+
+I left one sea-boot on.
+
+At 1 p.m. a deputation of the crew came aft, and in whispered voices
+implored me to surface the boat and make a last effort on the surface.
+A muffled report, as our implacable enemy dropped a depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, added point to the conversation, and showed me
+that our appearance on the surface could have but one end.
+
+At 3 p.m. the second coxswain, who was working the hydroplanes, fell
+off his stool in a dead faint.
+
+At 3.30 p.m. the supreme crisis was reached: two more men fainted, and
+I realized that if I did not surface at once I might find the crew
+incapable of starting the Diesels.
+
+At the order "Surface," a feeble cheer came from the men.
+
+We surfaced, and I dragged myself-up to the conning tower. Luckily we
+started the Diesels with ease, and in a few minutes gusts of beautiful
+air were circulating through the boat.
+
+Meanwhile, what of the enemy? I had half expected a shell as soon as we
+came up, and it was with great anxiety that I looked round. We had been
+slightly favoured by fortune in that the only thing in sight was a
+trawler away on the port beam. It was our hunter.
+
+I trimmed right down, hoping to avoid being seen, as it was essential
+to stay on the surface and get some amperes into the battery. I also
+altered course away from him.
+
+It was about 5 p.m. that I saw two trawlers ahead, one on each bow. By
+this time the boat's crew had quite recovered, but I did not wish to
+dive, as the battery was still pitiably low. I gradually altered course
+to north-east, but after half an hour's run I almost ran on top of a
+group of patrols in the dusk.
+
+I crash-dived, and they must have seen me go down, as a few minutes
+later the boat was violently shaken by a depth-charge.
+
+We were at twenty metres, still diving at the time. I consulted the
+chart, but could find no bottoming ground within fifty miles, a
+distance which was quite beyond my powers.
+
+At 11 p.m. I simply had to come up again and get a charge on the
+batteries.
+
+From 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., at regular half-hourly intervals, a
+depth-charge had gone off somewhere within a radius of two miles of me.
+Needless to say, I was only crawling along at about one knot and
+altering course frequently. What was so terrible was the patent fact
+that the patrols in this area had evidently got some device which
+enabled them to keep in continual touch with me to a certain extent.
+
+These monotonous and regular depth-charges seemed to say: "We know, Oh!
+U-boat, that we are somewhere near you, and here is a depth-charge just
+to tell you that we haven't lost you yet." [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: Karl was quite right; it is evident that he had the
+misfortune to encounter one of our new hydrophone-hunting groups, just
+started In the Fair Island Channel. The incident of the depth-charges
+every half-hour was known as "Tickling up." Probably the patrol only
+heard faint noises from him.--ETIENNE.]
+
+As an hour had elapsed since the last depth-charge, I felt fairly happy
+at coming up, and on making the surface I was delighted to find a
+pitch-black night and a considerable sea. From 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. I
+actually had three hours of peace, and in this period I managed to cram
+a considerable amount of stuff into the batteries. The densities were
+rising nicely and all seemed well, when I did what I now see was a very
+foolish thing.
+
+I made my 1 a.m. wireless report to Nordreich, in which I requested
+orders at 3 a.m. and reported my position, together with the fact that
+I had been badly hunted.
+
+In twenty-five minutes they were on me again! I had most idiotically
+assumed that the English had no directional wireless in these parts.
+They have. They've got everything that they have ever tried up there;
+it was concentrated in that infernal Fair Island Channel.
+
+I was only saved by seeing a destroyer coming straight at me,
+silhouetted against, the low-lying crescent of a new moon. When I dived
+she was about six hundred metres away. As I have confessed to doing a
+foolish thing, I give myself the pleasure of recording a cleverer move
+on my part. I anticipated depth-charge attack as a matter of course,
+but instead of going down to twenty-five metres, I kept her at twelve.
+
+The depth-charges came all right, seven smashing explosions, but, as I
+had calculated, they were set to go off at about thirty metres, and so
+were well below me.
+
+The boat was thrown bodily up by one, and I think the top of the
+conning tower must have broken surface, but there was little danger of
+this being seen in the prevailing water conditions.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have just had to stop recording my experiences of the past
+forty-eight hours, as the Navigator, who is on watch, sent down a
+message to say that smoke was in sight.
+
+The next hour was full of anxiety, but by hauling off to port we
+managed to lose it. I then had a little food, and I will now conclude
+my account before trying again to get some sleep.
+
+
+
+
+_The account continued._
+
+
+All my hopes of getting up again that night, both for the purpose of
+charging and of getting the 3 a.m. signal, were doomed to be
+disappointed, as the hydrophone operator kept on reporting the noise of
+destroyers overhead. Occasional distant thuds seemed to indicate a
+never-ending supply of depth-charges, but they were about four or five
+miles from me. Perhaps some other unfortunate devil was going through
+the fires of hell.
+
+At daylight on the second day my position was still miserable. The
+battery was getting low again, the sea had gone down, and when I put my
+periscope up at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed with patrols. I
+felt as if I was in an invisible net, and though I endeavoured to
+conceal my apprehension from the crew, I could see from the listless
+way they went about their duties that they realized that once again we
+were near the end of our resources.
+
+All the forenoon we crept along at thirty metres, until the tension was
+broken at 1 p.m. by a furious depth-charge attack. In some
+extraordinary way they had located me again and closed in upon me. The
+first charges were some little distance off, and as they got closer a
+feeling of desperation overcame me, and I seriously contemplated ending
+the agony by surfacing and fighting to the last with my gun.
+
+Curiously enough, the procedure that I adopted was the exact opposite.
+I decided to dive deep. I went down to 114 metres. At this exceptional
+depth, three rivets in the pressure hull began to leak, and jets of
+water with the rigidity of bars of iron shot into the boat. I held on
+for five minutes, which was sufficient to save me from the depth-charge
+attack, though two which went off almost above me broke some lamps. I
+then came up to twenty metres and slowly crawled on. Throughout the
+long afternoon, though we were not directly attacked again, I heard
+depth-charges on several occasions sufficiently close to me to
+demonstrate that these implacable and tireless devils had an idea of
+the area I was in.
+
+By a supreme effort, working one motor at the only speed it would go,
+viz., "Dead slow," I managed to squeeze out the battery until I
+estimated it must be dusk.
+
+There was only one thing to do--I surfaced. It was not as dark as I had
+hoped, and I saw a fairly large sloop-like vessel, about eight thousand
+metres away, on the port beam. She must have seen me simultaneously, as
+the flash of a gun darted from her, the shell falling short.
+
+I couldn't dive; there seemed only one thing to do: fight and then die.
+I ordered the gun's crew up, and the unequal duel began. We were going
+full speed on the Diesels, and my course was east by north. A good deal
+of water and spray was flying over the gun, and my crew had little hope
+of doing much accurate shooting, but I have often found that when one
+is being fired at there is nothing so comforting as the sound of one's
+own gun.
+
+Our enemy was armed with two large guns, fifteen centimetres or over,
+but had no speed, a discovery which raised my hopes again. It was soon
+evident that, provided we were not heading for another patrol, if we
+could survive ten minutes' shelling, we should be saved for the time
+being by the fading light, which was evidently causing our enemy
+increasing difficulties, as his shots alternated between very short and
+very much over.
+
+I was actually congratulating the Navigator on our escape, and I had
+just told the gun's crew to cease firing at the blurred outlines on the
+port quarter from which the random shells still came, when there was a
+sheet of yellow flame and a jar which threw me against the signalman.
+The latter had been standing near the conning-tower hatch, and
+unfortunately I knocked him off his balance, and he fell with a thud
+into the upper conning tower. He had the good fortune to escape with a
+couple of ribs broken, but when I recovered myself and got to my feet,
+far worse consequences met my eyes.
+
+By the worst of ill-luck, a shell which must have been fired
+practically at random had hit the gun just below the port trunnion.
+
+The result of the explosion was very severe. Four of the seven men at
+the gun had been blown overboard, the breech worker was uninjured,
+though from the way he swayed about it was evident that he was dazed,
+and I expected to see him fall over the side at any moment. The
+remaining two men were as dead as horse-flesh.
+
+The material damage was even more serious. The gun had been practically
+thrown out of its cradle, but in the main the trunnion blocks had held
+firm, and the whole pedestal had been carried over to starboard.
+
+The really terrible effects of this injury were not apparent at first
+sight, but I soon realized them, for an hour later (we had shaken off
+the sloop) I saw red flame on the horizon, which plainly indicated
+flaming at the funnel from some destroyer doubtless looking for us at
+high speed.
+
+I dived, intending to surface again as soon as possible. With this
+intention in my head, I did not go below the upper conning tower. We
+had barely got to ten metres, when loud cries from below and the
+disquieting noise of rushing water told me that something was wrong. I
+blew all tanks, surfaced, left the First Lieutenant on watch and went
+below.
+
+There were five centimetres of water on the battery boards, and I
+understood at once that we could never dive again.
+
+For the pedestal of the gun, in being forced over, had strained the
+longitudinal seam of the pressure hull, to which it is bolted, and a
+shower of water had come through as soon as we got under.
+
+It might have been hoped that this was enough, but no! our cup was not
+yet full. Chlorine gas suddenly began to fill the fore-end. The salt
+water running down into the battery tanks had found acid, and though I
+ordered quantities of soda to be put down into the tank, it became, and
+still is at the moment of writing, impossible to move forward of the
+conning tower without putting on a gas mask and oxygen helmet. So we
+are helpless, and at the mercy of any little trawler, or even the
+weather.
+
+We have no gun; we cannot dive. The English must know that they have
+hit us, and every hour I expect to see the hull of a destroyer climb
+over the horizon astern.
+
+We are fortunate in two respects: in that for the time being the
+weather seems to promise well, and our Diesels are thoroughly sound.
+
+We are ordered to Zeebrugge--I could have wished elsewhere for many
+reasons, but it does not matter, as I cannot believe we are intended to
+escape.
+
+I feel I would almost welcome an enemy ship, it would soon be over; but
+this uncertainty and anxiety drags on for hour after hour--and now I
+cannot sleep, though I haven't slept properly for over seventy hours. I
+am so worn out that my body screams for sleep, but it is denied to me,
+and so, lest I go mad, I write; it is better to do this, though my eyes
+ache and the letters seem to wriggle, than to stand up on the bridge
+looking for the smoke of our enemies, or to lie in my bunk and count
+the revolutions of the Diesels; thousands of thousands of thudding
+beats, one after the other, relentless hammer strokes.
+
+I have endured much.
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE BY ETIENNE_
+
+
+_A break occurs in Karl von Schenk's diary at this juncture. Fortunately
+the main outlines of the story are preserved owing to Zoe's long
+letter, which was in a small packet inside the cover of the second
+notebook. Zoe's letter will be reproduced in this book in its proper
+chronological position, but in order to save the reader the trouble of
+reading the book from the letter back to this point, a brief summary of
+what took place is given here. The entries in his diary which follow
+the words "I have endured much," are very meagre for a period which
+seems to have been about a month in length. There is no further mention
+of the latter stages of Karl's passage in the wrecked boat to
+Zeebrugge, so it is presumed that he made that port without further
+adventure. He was evidently on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and
+appears to have been suffering from very severe insomnia. He had been
+hunted for two days, during which he was perpetually on the verge of
+destruction, and the cumulative effect of such an experience is bound
+to leave its mark on the strongest man. When he got back to Zeebrugge
+he must have been at the end of his tether, and whether by chance or
+design it was when Karl was, as he would have said, "at a low mental
+ebb" that Zoe made her last and successful attack upon his resolution
+not to see her again unless she consented to marry him. It is plain
+from her letter that when he left her after the stormy interview in
+which he vowed never to see her again, Zoe did not lose hope. She seems
+to have kept herself _au courant _with his movements, and actually to
+have known when he was expected in.
+
+We know that she had many friends amongst the officers, and it is
+probable that from one of these she was able to get information about
+Karl's movements.
+
+Bruges was probably a hot-bed of U-boat gossip, and, not unlike the
+conditions at certain other Naval ports during the war, the ladies were
+often too well informed. At any rate it appears that Zoe rushed to see
+Karl directly he arrived at Bruges, and found him a mental and physical
+wreck, suffering from acute insomnia.
+
+With the impetuous vigour which evidently guided most of her actions,
+she took complete charge of Karl, and, as he was due for four days'
+leave, she whisked him off to the forest.
+
+Karl may have protested, but was probably in no state to wish to do so.
+At her shooting-box in the forest Zoe achieved her desire, and the
+stubborn struggle between the lovers ended in victory for the woman.
+There is an entry in Karl's diary which may refer to this period; he
+simply says, "Slept at last! Oh, what a joy!"
+
+If this entry was written in the forest, it seemed as if Karl had been
+unable to sleep until Zoe carried him off to the forest peace of her
+shooting-box and surrounded him with the atmosphere of her tender
+sympathy.
+
+There is no evidence of the light in which Karl viewed his defeat,
+when, having regained his strength, he was able to take stock of the
+changed situation. It is reasonable to suppose that his silence upon
+this matter in the pages of his diary is evidence that he was ashamed
+of what he must have considered a great act of weakness on his part.
+
+At all events he realized that he had crossed the Rubicon and that he
+had better acquiesce in the_ fait accompli.
+
+_He seems to have been in harbour for about six weeks, during which he
+lived with Zoe, and the lovers enjoyed a brief spell of happiness
+before Karl set out on his next trip.
+
+Karl seems to have found those six weeks very pleasant ones, though his
+diary merely contains brief references, such as: "A. day in the country
+with Z."; "Z. and I went to the Cavalry dance," and other trivial
+entries--of his thoughts there is not a word.
+
+About the end of 1917 Karl's boat was repaired, and he left for the
+Atlantic; and once more resumed full entries in his diary._
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+
+
+
+_Karl's Diary resumed_.
+
+Sailed at 9 p.m. last night, and we are now seventeen miles off Beachy
+Head. The Straits of Dover were frightful; the glare of the acetylene
+flares on the barrage showed for miles. Seen from a distance it gave me
+the impression of the gates of hell, through which we had to pass.
+
+I dived, ten miles away, and went through with the tide at a depth of
+forty metres.
+
+Two hours and three quarters of suspense, and at dawn we came up,
+having passed safely through the great deathtrap. At the moment there
+is nothing in sight, except a little smoke on the horizon. I am going
+to dive again till dusk.
+
+2 _a.m._
+
+We are thrashing down the Channel with a south-westerly wind right
+ahead. My instructions are to work for two days between the Lizard and
+Kinsale Head, and then proceed far out in the Atlantic, where the
+convoys are supposed to meet the destroyers.
+
+That Fair Island Channel experience was enough for a lifetime. Death,
+quick, short and sudden, this I am ready for. But torture, slow, long
+and drawn-out, is not in the bargain which in this year of grace every
+civilized man and half the savages of the world seem to have had to
+make with the god Mars.
+
+As I sit in this steel, cigar-shaped mass of machinery, the question
+rings incessantly in my ears: "To what object is all this war directed,
+when analysed from the point of view of the individual?"
+
+It does not satisfy any longing of mine. I have not got a lust for
+battle: no one who fights has a lust for battle. Editors of newspapers
+and people on General Staffs, possibly also Cabinet Ministers, have
+lusts for battles, as long as they arrange the battle and talk about
+it afterwards--curse them!
+
+The only thing I want is to be with Zoe. I want to live and spend long
+years with her, enjoying life--this life of which I have spent half
+already, and now perhaps it will be taken from me by some other man:
+some Englishman who doesn't really want to take my life, reckoned as an
+individual.
+
+Around me in the darkness are the patrol boats, manned by the
+Englishmen who are seeking my life. Seeking it, not to gratify their
+private emotions, but because we are all in the whirlpool of War and
+cannot escape.
+
+Like an avalanche, it seems to gather strength and speed as it rolls
+on, this War of Nations. The world must be mad! I cannot see how it can
+ever stop. England will never be defeated at sea. We shall conquer on
+land--then what?
+
+An inconclusive peace.
+
+Even if we smash this island Empire and gain the dominion of the world,
+how will it advantage me? I can see no way in which I can gain.
+
+It would be said, if any one should read this: _Gott_! what a selfish
+point of view--he thinks only of his personal gain, not of his country.
+
+But, confound it all, I reply, answer me this:
+
+Do I exist for my country, or does my country exist for me?
+
+For example, does man live for the sake of the Church, or was the
+Church created for man?
+
+Does not my country exist for my benefit?
+
+Surely it is so.
+
+Then again, I am risking my all, my life; I live in danger,
+apprehension and great discomfort; I do all these things, and yet if as
+a reasonable man I ponder what advantage I am to gain from all these
+sacrifices I am adjudged selfish.
+
+It is all madness; I cannot fathom the meaning of these things.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In position on the Bristol line of approach, the weather is bad.
+
+
+
+
+_At twenty metres._
+
+
+Once again Death has stretched forth his bony fingers to catch me by
+the throat, and only by a chance have I wriggled free.
+
+Yesterday afternoon at 5 p.m. we sighted a small steamer flying Spanish
+colours and steering for Cardiff. The weather was choppy, but not too
+bad, and I decided to exercise the gun's crew, though I did not think
+there would be much doing, as the Spaniards soon give in.
+
+I opened fire at six thousand metres, and pitched a shell ahead of her
+and ran up the signal to heave-to. The wretched little craft paid no
+attention, and continued on her lumbering course. I suspected the
+presence of an Englishman on her bridge, and determined to hit.
+
+This we did with our sixth shot, and she stopped dead and wallowed in
+the trough, with clouds of steam pouring out of her engine-room; we had
+evidently got the engine-room.
+
+As we closed her, it was evident that a tremendous panic was taking
+place on board. The port sea boat was being launched, but one fall
+broke and the occupants fell into the water. My Navigator begged me to
+give her another, which I did, and hit her right aft. Two boatloads of
+gesticulating individuals now appeared from the shelter of her lee side
+and began pulling wildly away from the ship.
+
+The Navigator, whose eyes were dancing with excitement, was very keen
+to play with them by spraying the water with machine-gun bullets; but
+it seemed to me to be waste of ammunition, and I would not permit it.
+
+Meanwhile we had approached to within about four hundred metres of her
+port bow. I was debating whether to accelerate her sinking, when I
+noticed that a fire had broken out aft, and I became possessed with a
+childish curiosity to see the fire being put out as she sank. It was a
+kind of contest between the elements.
+
+As I watched her, I was startled to hear three or four reports from the
+region of the fire.
+
+"Ammunition!" shouted the pilot, with wide-opened eyes.
+
+In an instant I pressed the diving alarm as I realized our deadly
+peril. Fool that I had been, she was a decoy-ship. They must have
+realized on board that I had seen through their disguise, for as we
+began to move forward, under the motors, a trap-door near her bows fell
+down, the white ensign was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened
+fire from the embrasure that was revealed on her side.
+
+We were fortunate in that our conning tower was already right ahead of
+the enemy, and as I dropped down into the conning tower, I saw that as
+she could not turn we were safe.
+
+A few shells plunged harmlessly into the water near our stern, and then
+we were under.
+
+We came up to a periscope depth, and I surveyed her from a position off
+her stern. She was sinking fast, but I felt so furious at being nearly
+trapped that I could not resist giving her a torpedo; detonation was
+complete, and a mass of wreckage shot into the air as the hull of the
+ship disappeared. As to the two boats, I left them to make the best
+course to land that they could.
+
+As they were fifty miles off the shore when I left them and it blew
+force six a few hours afterwards, I rather think they have joined the
+list of "Missing." We are now steering due west to our second position.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Received orders last night to return to base forthwith on the north
+about route. [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: This means into the North Sea round Scotland.--]
+
+I have shaped course to pass fifty miles north of Muckle Flugga; no
+more Fair Island Channel for me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Statlandlet in sight, with the Norwegian coast looking very lovely
+under the snow--we never saw a ship from north of the Shetlands to this
+place, when we saw a light cruiser of the town class steaming
+south-west at high speed.
+
+She had probably been on patrol off this place, where the Inner and
+Outer Leads join up and ships have to leave the three-mile limit.
+
+She was well away from me, and an attack would have been useless. I did
+not shed any tears; I have lost much of the fire-eating ideas which
+filled my mind when I first joined this service.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are due off the mole at 8 p.m. tonight, and my heart leaps with joy
+at the thought of seeing my Zoe; already I can almost imagine her
+lovely arms round my neck, her face raised to mine, and all the other
+wonderful things that make her so glorious in my eyes.
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE BY ETIENNE_
+
+
+Before quoting the next entry in Karl's journal it is necessary to
+explain the situation which confronted him when he arrived in
+Zeebrugge. In his absence, his beloved Zoe had been arrested as an
+Allied Agent, and she was tried for espionage within a day or two of
+his arrival. There is no record of how he heard the news, and the blow
+he sustained was probably so terrible that whilst there was yet hope he
+felt no desire to write; but, as will be seen, there came a time when
+he turned to his journal as the last friend that remained to him. It is
+a curious fact that, with the exception of an entry at the beginning of
+this journal, Karl makes little mention of his mother and home at
+Frankfurt. Though he does not say so, it seems possible that his mother
+had heard of his entanglement with Zoe, and a barrier had risen between
+them; this suggestion gains strength from the fact that in his blackest
+moments of despair he never seems to consider the question of turning
+to Frankfurt for sympathy. Interest is naturally aroused as to the
+details of Zoe's trial. The available material consists solely of the
+long letter she wrote to him from Bruges jail. It may be that one day
+the German archives of the period of occupation will reveal further
+details. Information on the subject is possibly at the disposal of the
+British Intelligence Service, but this would be kept secret. All we
+know on the matter is derived from the letter, which has been preserved
+inside the second volume of Karl's diary.
+
+There seems no doubt that she was caught red-handed, but to say more
+would be to anticipate her own words.
+
+It was a matter of some difficulty to know where best to introduce
+Zoe's letter, but with a view to securing as much continuity of thought
+in the story as possible it has been decided to quote it at this
+juncture, although he did not receive it until after he had made the
+entry in the journal which will be quoted directly after the letter.
+
+I would like to appeal to any reader who may happen to be engaged in
+administrative or reconstructive work in Belgium, to communicate with
+me, care of Messrs. Hutchinson, should he handle any papers dealing
+with Zoe's trial.
+
+_ETIENNE_.
+
+
+
+
+ZOE'S LETTER
+
+
+MY BEST BELOVED,
+
+When you get this letter cease to sorrow for what will have happened,
+for I shall be at rest, and in peace at last, freed from a world in
+which I have known bitter sorrow and, until you came into my life, but
+little joy.
+
+For these past months I am grateful to God, if such a being exists and
+regulates the conduct of a world gone mad.
+
+For in a few hours I am to die.
+
+It is harder for you than for me; one moment of agony I suffered, a
+moment that seemed to last a century, when, amidst the sea of faces
+that swam in a confused mass before me at the trial, I saw your eyes
+and the torture that you were suffering. When I saw your eyes I knew
+that the President had said I must die. I am glad that I was told this
+by you, the only one amongst all these men who loved me. I suppose the
+President spoke; I never heard him, but I saw your eyes and I knew.
+
+My darling, it was cruel of you to come, cruel to me and cruel to
+yourself, but I loved you for being there; it showed me that up till
+the last you would stand by me, and until you read this you cannot know
+all the facts. That to you, as to the others, I must have seemed a
+woman spy and that nevertheless you stood by me, is to me a
+recollection of unsurpassable sweetness, compared with which all other
+thoughts of you fade into insignificance.
+
+Know now, oh, well beloved, that I was not unworthy of your love.
+
+I have a story to tell you, and I have such a little time left that I
+must write quickly. The priest who has been with me comes again an hour
+before the dawn, and he has promised to deliver these my last words of
+love into your hands.
+
+My real name is Zoe Xenia Olga Sbeiliez, and I was born twenty-nine
+years ago at my father's country house at Inkovano, near Koniesfol. I
+am Polish; at least, my father was, and my mother comes from the Don
+country. There was a day when my father's ancestors were Princes in
+Poland. Poor Poland was torn by the vultures of Europe, just as your
+countrymen, my Karl, are tearing poor Belgium and France, and so my
+family lost estates year by year, and my grandfather is buried
+somewhere in the dreary steppes of Siberia because he dared to be a
+Polish patriot.
+
+My father bowed before the storm, and under my mother's influence he
+never became mixed up with politics. Thus he lived on his estates at
+Inkovano, and nursed them for my younger brother, Alexandrovitch, the
+child of his old age. Alex would be nineteen now, had he lived. The
+estates were large as these things go in Western Europe, but they were
+but a garden as compared with the lands held by my great-grandfather,
+Boris Sbeiliez.
+
+My father had a dream, and he dreamed this dream from the day Alex was
+born to the day they both died in each other's arms.
+
+My father dreamt that one day the Tsars would soften their heart to
+Poland, and raise her up from the dust to a place amongst the nations,
+and my father dreamt that Alexandrovitch Sbeiliez would become a leader
+of Poland, as his ancestors had been before him. And so my father
+nursed his estates and pinched and saved, in preparation for the day
+when his beautiful dream should come true.
+
+[Illustration: "A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign
+was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure
+that was revealed on her side."]
+
+[ILLUSTRATION: "I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers
+there...."]
+
+My poor idealistic father never realized, oh, my Karl, that when one
+wants a thing one must fight--to the death. Alex was the apple of his
+eye, but I was much loved by my mother; perhaps she dreamed a dream
+about me--I know not, but she determined that I should have all that
+was necessary. Paris, Berlin, Munich, Dresden, and a season in London,
+then I came home at twenty-one, perfectly educated according to the
+world, beautiful according to men, and dressed according to Paris. But
+I was only to find out how little I knew. My mother and I used to take
+a house in Warsaw for the season, and I met many notable men and women.
+In these days I, also, thought I could do something for Poland, but
+after two or three seasons I found that I, too, was only dreaming idle
+dreams. Oh! my beloved, beware of dreaming idle dreams.
+
+Listen! I once met the Prime Minister of all Russia at a reception. I
+captivated him, and thought, now! now! I shall do something.
+
+I sat next to him at dinner; I talked of Poland--and I knew my
+subject--I talked brilliantly; he listened, he hung on my words, and
+he, the Prime Minister of all Russia, the Tsar's right-hand man, asked
+me to drive with him next day in his sledge. I, an almost unknown
+Polish girl!
+
+When I accepted, I was in the seventh heaven of delight.
+
+Next day he called and we set forth; at a deserted spot in the woods
+near Warsaw he tried to kiss me--I struck him in the face with the butt
+of his own whip.
+
+That was why he had hung on my words, that was why he had taken me for
+my drive; it was my Polish body that interested _him_--not Poland.
+
+The Prime Minister of Russia was confined to his room for two days,
+"owing to an indisposition." How I laughed when I saw the bulletin in
+the paper, signed by two doctors, but it taught me a lesson; I never
+dreamt idle dreams again.
+
+No, I am wrong, my beloved. I dreamt an idle dream, a lovely dream
+about you and I. An after-the-war dream, if this war should ever end,
+but like other dreams it has ended--in dreams.
+
+But I must hurry, for my little watch tells me that one hour of my five
+has gone, and I have much to say.
+
+I could have married, and married brilliantly, but Poland held me back.
+I did not know what I could do for my country, it all seemed so
+hopeless, and yet I felt that perhaps one day ... and I felt I ought to
+be single when that day came.
+
+It was not easy, my Karl, sometimes it was hard; one man there was,
+Sergius was his Christian name; he loved me madly, and sometimes I
+thought--but no matter, he is dead now, killed at Tannenberg, and
+I--well, I will tell you more of my story.
+
+When the war broke out and clouded over that last beautiful summer in
+1914 (I wonder will there ever be another like it in your lifetime, my
+Karl? No, I don't think it can ever be quite the same after all this!),
+we were all in the country. Alex was back from his school in Petrograd,
+and my father kept him at home for the autumn term.
+
+How well I remember the excitement, the mobilization, the blessing of
+the colours, the wave of patriotism which swept over the country; even
+I, under the influence of the specious proclamations that were issued
+broadcast by the Government, with their promises of reform, and redress
+for Poland after the war was over, felt more Russian than Polish. Lies!
+Lies! Lies! that was what the Government promises were, my Karl.
+
+Under the stress of war the rottenness of that great whited sepulchre,
+Russia, feared the revival of the Polish spirit; it might have been
+awkward, and so they lied with their tongues in their cheeks, and we
+simple Poles believed them; the peasantry flocked to their depots,
+little knowing whom they fought, but the proclamations which were read
+to them told them they fought for Poland, and we women worked and
+prayed for the success of Russian arms.
+
+Then the tide of war swept westward, and all day long and every day the
+troops, and the guns and the motor-cars and the wagons rolled through
+the village to the west.
+
+Guarded hints in the papers seemed to say that all was not well in
+France, but France was so far away, and all the time the Russians were
+going west through our village. Mighty Russia was putting forth her
+strength, and the Austrian debacle was in full swing; these were great
+days, my Karl, for a Russian!
+
+Then one day the long columns of men and all the traffic seemed to
+hesitate in the sluggish westward flow, and then it stopped, and then
+it began to go east. The weeks went on, and one day, very, very
+faintly, there was a rumbling like a distant thunderstorm. It was the
+guns! The front was coming back.
+
+Have you ever seen forest fires, my Karl? We had them every autumn in
+our woods. If you have, then you know how all the small animals and the
+birds, the rabbits and the foxes, and perhaps a wolf or two, and the
+deer, and the thrushes and the linnets come out from the shelter of the
+trees, fleeing blindly from the great peril, anxious only to save their
+lives. So it was when the front came back. Herds of moujiks, the old
+men, the women, the children, the poor little babies, struggled blindly
+eastwards through the village.
+
+Pushing their miserable household gods on handcarts, or staggering
+along with loads on their backs, and weary children dragging at their
+arms, the human tide flowed eastwards, round our house, begged perhaps
+a drink of water, and then wandered feverishly onwards.
+
+They knew not in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred where they were
+going; their only destination was summed up in the words, "Away from
+the Front"--away from the ominous rumbling which began to get louder,
+away from that western horizon which was beginning to have a lurid glow
+at nights, like a sunset prolonged to dawn.
+
+Then, as the Germans advanced more and more, the character of the tide
+changed, the civilian element was outnumbered by the military.
+Companies, battalions, brigades, sometimes in good order, sometimes in
+no order, marched through the village. They would often halt for a
+short time, and the officers would come up to the house, where my
+mother and I gave them what we could. My father lived amongst his books
+and accounts, and bemoaned the extravagance of the war. Then there were
+the deserters, the stragglers, the walking wounded, the--but you know,
+my Karl, what an army in retreat means.
+
+I must proceed with my story, for time moves relentlessly on.
+
+One day a desperately wounded officer, a young Lieutenant of the Guard,
+a boy of twenty-five, was taken out of a motor ambulance to die.
+
+The ambulance had stopped opposite our gates, and lying on his
+stretcher he had seen our garden, my garden. He knew he was to die, and
+he had begged with tears in his eyes to the doctor that he might be
+left in the garden.
+
+Who could refuse him?
+
+He died within two hours, amongst our flowers, with Alex and I at his
+side.
+
+Before he died, he begged us, implored us, almost ordered us, to move
+east before it was too late.
+
+We repeated his arguments to my father, but the latter was obdurate,
+and he swore that a regiment of angels would not move him from his
+ancestral home. So we made up our minds to stay.
+
+Things got worse and worse, and one day shells fell in the grounds and
+we hid in the cellars. That night all our servants ran away, and my
+father cursed them for cowards. Next day in the early morning we heard
+machine guns fire outside the village, and then all was still.
+
+At six o'clock Alex, white-faced, came running into the house. He had
+been down to the gates and he had seen the enemy. They were drunk, he
+said, and going down the street firing the houses and shooting the
+people as they came out.
+
+It seemed impossible and yet it was true. It was growing dark, when we
+heard shouts and saw lights, and from the top of the house I saw a
+crowd of singing and shouting soldiers, with pine torches, half
+running, half walking up the drive.
+
+They massed in a body opposite the house. Paralysed with terror, I
+looked down on the scene, and shuddered to see that every second man
+seemed to have a bottle. One of them fired a shot at the house, and
+next I remember a flood of light on the drive, and, in the circle of
+light, my father standing with hand raised. What my father intended can
+never be known, for, as he paused and faced the mob, a solitary shot
+rang out, and he fell in a huddled heap.
+
+As he fell, a boyish voice from the door shouted "Murderers!" It was
+Alex. With his little pistol I had given him for a birthday present in
+his hand, he ran forward and, standing over my father's body, head
+thrown back, he pointed his pistol at the mob and fired twice. A man
+dropped, there was a flash of steel, the crowd surged forward,
+and--and, oh! my Karl, they had murdered my beloved brother, my darling
+Alex.
+
+The next moment they were in the house. I escaped from my window on to
+the roof of the dairy, and from there down a water-pipe, across the
+yard to an old hay-loft. For a long time they ran in and out of the
+house, like ants, looting and pillaging; then there was a great shout,
+and for some time not a soul came out of the house. I guessed they had
+got into the cellars. At about midnight I saw that the house was on
+fire. In a few minutes it was an inferno and the drunken soldiers came
+pouring out, firing their rifles in all directions.
+
+I had found a piece of rope in the loft. One end I placed on a hook and
+the other round my neck. I was close to the upper doors of the loft,
+with a drop to the courtyard, and thus I stayed, for I feared that some
+soldier, more sober than the rest, might explore the outhouses and find
+me. I was watching this unearthly spectacle, and never, my best
+beloved, did I conceive that man could become lower than the beasts,
+but before my eyes it was so, when I noticed that the great gates at
+the southern end of the courtyard were opening. As they opened I saw
+that beyond them were drawn up a line of men. An officer gave an order,
+and two machine guns were placed in position in the gate entrance;
+round the guns lay their crews, and the seething mass of revellers saw
+nothing. I felt that a fearful tragedy was impending, and as I held my
+breath with anxiety the officer gave a short, sharp movement with his
+hand and a hideous rattle rose above all noises. The pandemonium that
+ensued was indescribable. Some ran helplessly into the burning house,
+others ran round and round in circles, others tried to get into the
+dairy; one man got upon its roof and fell back dead as soon as his head
+appeared above the outer wall. The place was surrounded. It was
+horrible. A few tried to rush for the gate, they melted away like snow
+before the sun, as their bodies met the pitiless stream of bullets. I
+suppose two hundred men were killed in as many seconds. The machine
+guns ceased fire. Ambulance parties came into the yard, collected the
+dead and living, and within half an hour there was not a soul save
+myself in the place. Discipline had received its oblation of men's
+lives.
+
+As an example, it was one of the most wonderful things I have ever
+known in your wonderful army, my Karl, but it was terrible--terribly
+cruel.
+
+I never knew what became of my mother, though I feel she is
+dead--murdered, perhaps, like my father and my darling Alex, or perhaps
+she hid somewhere in the house and remained petrified with terror till
+the flames came. Next morning I left my hiding-place and walked about.
+Not a German was to be seen, but in the wood was a huge newly-made
+grave. It was all open warfare then, and this flying column, which was
+miles in advance of the main body, had moved on. The house was a
+smoking mass of ruins, but the farm buildings had been spared, and I
+let out all the poor animals and turned them into the woods, so that
+they might have their chance.
+
+All day I searched for my father and brother, but not a sign was to be
+seen, and at dusk I stood alone, faint and broken, amongst the ruins of
+my ancestors' home. As I looked at this scene of desolation and I
+contrasted what had been my life twenty-four hours before and what it
+was then, something seemed to snap in my brain, and for the first time
+I cried. Oh! the blessed relief of those tears, my Karl, for I was a
+poor weak, helpless girl, and alone with death and bitterness all round
+me. Late that night I hid once more in my hay-loft and next morning I
+left Inkovano for ever. Before I left, I made a vow. It is because of
+this vow, my beloved, that I am to die. For I vowed by the body of our
+Saviour and the murdered bodies of my family that, whilst life was in
+me and the war was maintained, for so long would I work unceasingly for
+the Allies against Germany. As the war ran its fiery course, I have
+seen more and more that the Allies are the only ones who will do
+anything for Poland, my beloved country, so have I been strengthened in
+my vow.
+
+I struck south on my feet, as a poor girl--I, the daughter of a
+princely family of Poland! No hardships were too great for me, provided
+I could reach Allied territory. I travelled from village to village as
+a singing girl, and once I was driven away with stones by villagers set
+upon me by a fanatical priest. I came by Cracow, and across the
+Carpathians, helped to pass the lines by a Hungarian Lieutenant--but I
+tricked him of his reward; I was not ready for that sacrifice. Then
+across the Hungarian plains to Buda-Pesth, where I remained three weeks,
+singing in a third-rate cafe, to make some money for my next stage. But
+I had to leave too soon--the old story!--this time it was the
+proprietor's son. What beasts men are, my Karl! And yet to me you are
+above all other men, a prince amongst your fellows, and never did I
+love you so distractedly as that first night at the shooting-box, when
+I read the scorn in your eyes as you rejected me. I have no shame in
+telling you this. Am I not already in the grave? And then I must be
+silent and can only await your coming. After many struggles, wearisome
+to relate, I came to Hermanstadt, and there, whilst pushing my trade as
+a dancer, came into touch with a Hungarian band of smugglers, working
+across the mountain passes between Eastern Hungary and Roumania. I did
+certain work for these men, and in return crossed with them one bitter
+night in a thunderstorm into Roumania. At Bukharest I got a good
+engagement, and when I had saved a thousand marks, I bought a passport
+for five hundred, and came to Serbia, then staggering beneath the great
+Austrian offensive.
+
+Once again I was in the horrors of a retreat, but I escaped, reaching
+Valona, and crossed to Brindisi, by the aid of a French officer to whom
+I told my story and who believed me. His name is Pierre Lemansour, and
+he lives at Bordeaux.
+
+If fortune places him in your power, be kind to him, my Karl, for your
+Zoe's sake.
+
+I came to Rome; and thence to Paris. I stayed here three weeks, singing
+in a cabaret. Whilst here I tried to advance my plans in vain! What
+could I, a poor girl, do for the Allies? The Embassy laughed at me, all
+except one young attache who tried to make love to me.
+
+Then I thought of England--England, and her cold, hard islanders,
+phlegmatic in movements, slow to hate, slow to move, but once
+roused--ah! they never let go, these islanders!
+
+One of their poets has said: "The mills of God grind slowly, but they
+grind exceeding small."
+
+That, my Karl, is like England.
+
+They are your most terrible enemies, and you know it.
+
+Do not be angry with me when you read this.
+
+For me it is Poland, for you Germany.
+
+Where I am going in a few hours there is no Poland, no Germany, no
+England, no war. And perhaps, perhaps, no love.
+
+You and I, Karl, have loved, too well, perchance, but our love was
+above even the love of countries.
+
+God made the love of men and women, then men and women created their
+countries.
+
+I see the future before me, Karl, and I foresee that the struggle will
+be at the end of all things, between England and Germany. One will be
+in the dust.
+
+Thus, I crossed to England and was swallowed up in the great city of
+London. England has always had a corner of her calculating heart for
+the small nations, and in London there is a Polish organization. I
+applied there, and one day I was taken to the Foreign Office, and found
+myself alone with a great Englishman. His name was--No, I promised, and
+it will not matter to you, for though he gave me my chance, I have no
+love for him, and he will never be in your power. Even as I write these
+words, he has probably taken a list from a locked safe and neatly ruled
+a red line through the name Zoe Sbeiliez. I tell you they know
+everything, these Englishmen. I told him my story, and then he asked me
+whether I was prepared to do all things for the Allies. I told him I
+was. He then said that I could go as agent for a back area in Belgium,
+and my centre would be Bruges. I agreed, and asked him innocently
+enough how I was to live in Bruges. He looked up from his desk and
+said:
+
+"You will be given facilities to cross the Belgium-Holland frontier, as
+a German singer."
+
+"And then?" I asked.
+
+"You will go to Bruges and make friends with an Army officer; he must
+be high up on the staff."
+
+I guessed what he meant, but hoped against hope, and I said: "How?"
+
+I can still see his fish-like face, hair brushed back with scrupulous
+care, as without a shadow of emotion he looked up, puffed his pipe, and
+said in matter-of-fact tones:
+
+"You have a pretty face and an excellent figure. Need I say more?"
+
+I could have struck him in the face. I was speechless, my mind a whirl
+of conflicting emotions. I was roused by the level tones again.
+
+"Is it too much--for Poland?"
+
+Oh! the cunning of the man; he knew my weakness. Mechanically, I
+agreed. Certain details were settled, and he pressed a bell. Within
+five minutes I was walking back to my lodgings.
+
+Thanks to a marvellous organization, which your police will never
+discover, my Karl, within _three weeks_ I was singing on the Bruges
+music-hall stage, and accepted without question as being what I was
+not, a German artist from Dantzig. The men were soon round me, but I
+had no use for youngsters with money. I wanted a man with information.
+At last I found my man--the Colonel. He was on the Headquarters staff
+of the XIth Army, the army of occupation in Belgium, when I first met
+him. Subsequently he went back to regimental work; but by the time he
+was killed (and to realize what a release that meant for me, you would
+have had to have lived with him) I had established regular sources of
+information concerning which I will say no more. Let your country's
+agents find them if they can. This must I say for the Colonel: he was a
+brute and a drunkard, but in his own gross way he loved me, and he
+licked my boots at my desire, but I had to pay the price. You are a
+man, and with all your loving sympathy you can but dimly realize what
+this costs a woman. To me it was a dual sacrifice of honour and life,
+but it was for Poland, and the memories of my parents and Alex steeled
+me and strengthened my resolution, and so, and so, my Karl, I paid the
+price.
+
+My special work was on the military side, and consisted in making
+quarterly reports on the general dispositions of large bodies of
+troops, the massing of corps for spring offensives, and big pushes and
+hammer blows.
+
+Then you came into my life! When the Colonel used to go away it was my
+habit to mix in the demi-mondaine society of Bruges, to try and live a
+few hours in which I could forget--oh! don't think the worst! _That_
+sort of thing had no attraction for me. I didn't seek oblivion in that
+direction! I had never even kissed anyone in Bruges until I kissed you
+that first night we met at dinner--I was attracted to you from the very
+first; the Colonel was due back in a few days, and I suddenly felt mad,
+and kissed you. I suppose you put me down as one of the usual kind, out
+to sell myself at a price varying between a good dinner and the rent of
+a flat! You will now know that I had already mortgaged my body to
+Poland.
+
+Then a few days later you will remember we went down for that wonderful
+day in the forest, and for the first time, Karl, I began to see that I
+was really caring for you, and a faint realization of the dangers and
+impossibilities towards which we were drifting crossed my mind.
+
+Do you remember how silent I was on the drive back? In a fashion, my
+Karl, I could foresee dimly a little of what was going to happen. I had
+a presentiment that the end would be disaster, but I thrust the idea
+away from me. Then came the day, just before one of your trips--oh! the
+agony, my darling, of those days, each an age in length, when you were
+at sea--when you told me at the flat that you loved me.
+
+How I longed to throw my arms round your neck and abandon myself to
+your embraces, but I was still strong enough in those days to hold back
+for both our sakes.
+
+Each time we were together I loved you more and more, and each time
+when you had gone I seemed to see with clearer vision the fatal and
+inevitable ending.
+
+But I refused to give up the first real happiness that had been mine in
+my short and stormy life, and so I clung desperately to my idle dream.
+
+I prayed, I prayed for hours, Karl, that the war might end, for I felt
+that in this lay our only hope--but what are one woman's prayers, a
+sinful woman's prayers, to the Creator of all things, and the war
+ground on in its endless agony just as it does to-night--Karl! Karl!
+will this torture ever end?
+
+But I must hurry, there is still much to tell you, and Time goes on
+relentlessly just like the war; it is only life that ends. Then came
+the days I took you to the shooting-box for the first time, and that
+night I broke down and, unashamed, offered you myself. Think not too
+badly of your Zoe, my Karl; when a woman loves as I do, what is
+convention? A nothing, a straw on the waters of life. I wanted you for
+my own, passionately and desperately, for I feared that any moment the
+end might come, and to die without having felt your arms around me
+would have added a thousand tortures to death. Though I could have
+welcomed death with joy when I saw the look of sorrowful contempt which
+you cast upon me that night. Heavens above! but you were strong, my
+Karl. I am not ugly, and yet you resisted, and I hated and loved you at
+the same time--oh! I know that sounds impossible, but it isn't for a
+woman. I slept little that night and, feeling that I could not look you
+in the face in the morning, I left for Bruges before you got up.
+
+I felt that I could trust you not to try and find out the secret of the
+shooting-box.
+
+What a relief it is to be able to tell you everything frankly, and how
+I hated the perpetual game of deception which I had to play.
+
+I used to rack my brains for answers to your perpetual question, "Why
+won't you marry me?" It was a desperate risk taking you down to the
+forest, but you loved me so much that you never questioned the reasons
+I gave you for my secrecy. I can tell you now, Karl, that in the early
+days when I used to disappear from Bruges, it was to the shooting-box
+that I went.
+
+But I will write more of that later.
+
+Did you suffer the same agony as I did before you left for Kiel, and
+your pride would not allow you to come to me? You understand now, my
+darling, why I could never marry you, and when the Colonel was killed
+it became harder than ever. Once during that terrible interview before
+you went up the Russian coast, I nearly gave way and promised to marry
+you. But how could I? I had sworn my vow, and even to-night, though I
+stand in the shadow of death, I do not regret my vow.
+
+It is inconceivable that I could have married you and carried on my
+work--a spy on my husband's country--and if I ever thought of trying to
+do this impossible thing, a vision which has partially come true always
+restrained me.
+
+I saw a submarine officer disgraced and perhaps sentenced to death,
+because his wife had been convicted as a spy!
+
+No! it was impossible.
+
+But if I could not marry you, I still wanted your love.
+
+Then you went up the Russian coast, and I heard of your return in a
+submarine terribly wrecked. I guessed what you must have gone through,
+and determined to see you, but when I entered your room and saw you
+lying open-eyed on your bed, with no one but a clumsy soldier to nurse
+you, I could have wept. You know the rest; you can perhaps hardly
+remember how I led you to my car and took you down to the forest. Oh,
+Karl, are you angry with me for what happened? Do you sometimes think
+that I took an unfair advantage of your weakness? Please! Please
+forgive me, you were so helpless, and I loved you so.
+
+Then came those unforgettable weeks whilst your boat was being
+repaired, weeks which opened to me the door of the paradise I was never
+to enter. Oh! Karl, I pray that all those memories may remain sweet and
+unclouded all your life. Think of those days when you think of your
+Zoe. Alas! they came to an end too soon, and you left for the Atlantic.
+When you came back all was over; I had been caught at last.
+
+The evidence at the trial was clear enough. I have no complaints. I was
+fairly caught. You remember the big open space in front of the
+shooting-box? I do not mind saying now that five times have I been
+taken up from there in an English aeroplane, and landed there again
+after two days. Each time I took over a full report on military
+affairs. Not a word of naval news, my Karl; you will remember I never
+tried to find out U-boat information. I even warned you to be cautious.
+Well, they caught me as I landed; the English boy who had flown me back
+tried hard to save me, but it only cost him his own life.
+
+My first thought was of you, and there is not a jot of evidence against
+you, save only your friendship for me. Remember this fact, if they
+persecute you. Admit nothing, believe nothing they tell you, deny
+everything; they have no evidence; but they are certain to try and trap
+you.
+
+It was noble of you, Karl, to engage Monsieur Labordin in my defence,
+but it was useless and may do you harm.
+
+I also know of your efforts with the Governor. I hoped nothing from
+him, but what you did has made me ready to die; I tremble lest you are
+compromised.
+
+If only I could feel absolutely certain that I have not dragged you
+down in my ruin I should face the rifles with a smile.
+
+For my sake be careful, Karl.
+
+When it is all over, cause a few little flowers to cover my
+resting-place, if this is permitted for a spy. Order them, do not place
+them yourself; you _must not_ be compromised.
+
+I have told my story, and the end is very near. What else is there to
+say?
+
+Mere words are empty husks when I try to express my thoughts of you.
+
+Do not sorrow for your Zoe, to whom you have given such happiness.
+
+I am not afraid to die and cross into the unknown, which, however
+terrible it is, cannot be much worse than this awful war.
+
+Karl! Karl! how I long to kiss you and feel your strong arms crushing
+the breath from this body of mine which has caused so much sorrow.
+
+Oh, Mother Mary, support me in this hour of trial.
+
+I cannot leave you!
+
+May the Saints guard you and keep you through all the perils of war,
+and grant that we meet again in the perfect peace of eternity.
+
+For ever, Your devoted and adoring ZOE.
+
+
+
+
+_Karl's Diary resumed._
+
+
+She is dead!
+
+They have killed her, my Zoe, my adorable darling, and I am still
+alive--under close arrest. Perhaps they will shoot me too, in their
+insatiable thirst for blood. Oh! if they would! Perhaps, my Zoe, if I
+could only die and leave this useless world behind, I might find you in
+the mysterious regions where your spirit now dwells.
+
+Oh! is it well with you, Zoe? Give me a sign--a little sign--that all
+is well. I have knelt in prayer and asked for a sign, but nothing
+comes--all is a blank, forbidding and mysterious. Is God angry with us,
+my Zoe, that we sinned before Him? Surely, surely He understands. He
+must have mercy on me if He is going to make me go on living. If this
+is my punishment, I can bear it; I will live without you happily if
+only I may know that all is well with you.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Your letter, Zoe! Can you read these words as I write; can you sense my
+thoughts? Speak! Ah! I thought I heard your voice, and it was only the
+laughter of a woman in the street. Your letter has filled me with joy
+and sorrow. I read and re-read the wonderful words in which you say you
+loved me from the beginning, but when you plead that I shall not turn
+in loathing from your memory--with these words you smash me to the
+ground.
+
+Most glorious woman, I never loved you so well and so passionately as
+the day you stood at the trial, ringed round with the wolves, the
+clever lawyers, the stolid witnesses, the ponderous books, the cynical
+air of religious solemnity with which the machinery of the law thinly
+cloaks its lust for blood--for a life.
+
+Even when my ears heard the sentence, I could not believe it would be
+carried out. The firing party, the chair, the bandage. Oh, God! spare
+me these awful thoughts. To think of your breasts lacerated by
+the----Oh! this is unendurable! Stop, madman that I am!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am calmer now; I have read your letter again and rescued the journal
+from the grate into which I flung it.
+
+The fire was out; I am not sorry; my journal is all I have left, and in
+its pages are enshrined small, feeble word-pictures of paradise on
+earth. To read them is to catch an echo of the music we both loved so
+well. Music! you were all music to me, my Zoe. Your voice, your
+movements, your caresses all seemed to me to speak of music.
+
+I ask myself, I shall always ask myself until the last hour, whether
+all that could be done to save you was done. I tried to telegraph to
+the Kaiser for you, Zoe, but the wire never got further than Bruges
+post office; they stopped it, and put me under arrest. It was only open
+arrest, my darling, and on that last awful night I forced them to let
+me see the Governor. I, Karl Von Schenk, knelt at his feet and begged
+for your life. He simply said, "You are mad." I left the Palace under
+close arrest.
+
+Was ever woman's nobleness of character so exemplified as in your life?
+Be comforted, Zoe, that in all my black sorrow I cling desperately to
+my pride in your strength. I long to shout abroad what you did and why
+you would never marry me, to tell all the gaping world that when you
+died a martyr to duty was killed. I am so unworthy of what you did for
+me, my darling, and it tortures me with mental rendings to think that
+whilst I prided myself in my strength of mind, I was dragging you
+through the fires of hell. When I think of those six weeks we had
+together, my brain says, "And they might have been months had you not
+spurned her in the forest."
+
+Oh, Zoe! if the priests say truth and all things are now revealed to
+you, forgive me for this act of mine. Come to me in spirit and give me
+mental peace.
+
+[Illustration: "...when there was a blinding flash and the air
+seemed filled with moaning fragments."]
+
+[Illustration: "When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed
+to be ringed with patrols."]
+
+As I write like this, as if it was a letter that you might read, I am
+comforted a little; I rely utterly on the hope, which I struggle to
+change into belief, that you can read this and know my thoughts.
+
+For when I think that had things been otherwise you might have been
+leaning over my chair at this moment, and running your cool fingers
+through my stiff hair; when I think of this, my darling, the full
+realization comes to me of the gulf which must divide us for some
+uncertain period, and the lines of this page run mistily before my
+eyes.
+
+Zoe, my Zoe, strange things have happened in this war; wives declare
+they have seen their husbands, mothers have felt the presence of their
+sons; if the powers permit, come to me once again, I implore you, and
+give me strength to live my life alone.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+Examined before the Court of Inquiry to-day. Fools! can't they realize
+that I don't care if they do shoot me?
+
+In the Mess, people avoid me. What do I care? Not one of them is worthy
+to stand on the same soil that holds her beloved body. They have buried
+her in the Castle grounds. In accordance with her wishes, I have
+arranged for flowers. Perhaps one day when all this is over I may be
+able to live here and tend the place where she sleeps, free at last
+from all her cares.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At the Court of Inquiry they tried to cross-examine me on our life
+together. Dolts! what do they aim at proving? That I loved you? I
+hardly listened. When they finished the evidence, the President asked
+me if I had anything to say! Anything to say! I felt like telling them
+they were cogs in the most monstrous machine for manufacturing sorrow
+and destruction that mankind had ever devised. I could have shaken my
+fist in their solemn faces and shouted "Beasts! you murdered her! You
+destroyed that most wonderful woman who lowered herself to love me."
+
+Actually there was a long silence, and then the Vice-President, Captain
+Fruhlingsohn, said, "Speak; we wish you well."
+
+It was the first touch of sympathy, the only sign of humanity I had
+received in all these awful days, and it touched my stubborn heart and
+the longed-for tears flowed at last.
+
+I murmured: "Gentlemen, I am no traitor; but I loved her as my own
+soul."
+
+"Dissolve the Court. Remove the prisoner." Like the clash of iron
+gates, officialdom came into its own again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+So I am not to be shot! Not even imprisoned! "Don't fall in love with
+enemy agents again!"--that summarized their verdict.
+
+Ha! Ha! Ha! It is all horribly funny. The real reason is that they need
+me. I am a trained and skilful slaughterer on the seas; I am an
+essential part of the great machine. And they haven't got any spares! I
+was in the Mess yesterday when the English papers we get from Amsterdam
+arrived. Oh! a pretty surprise awaited the first man who opened _The
+Times_. These English had published the names of 150 U-boat commanders
+they had caught. There they all were. Christian names and all complete.
+The only thing missing was a blank space in which to fill in our names
+when the time comes.
+
+Dinner was a silent meal last night, and next morning some rat of a
+Belgian had posted the list on the gatepost of the Mess. The machine
+has offered five hundred marks for his apprehension--how foolish; as if
+by shooting him they would take any names off the long list.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am to sail at dawn tomorrow. I shall not be sorry to get away for a
+space from this place with its mingled memories of delight and death.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Back again, and I haven't written a word for three weeks.
+
+My billet last trip was off Finisterre. I sighted two convoys, but
+there were destroyers there; they are so black and swift I don't go
+near them.
+
+I don't want to die in a U-boat. It's not worth while. It is easy to
+avoid these convoys. I dive and make a great fuss of attacking, then I
+steer divergently. Nobody knows where the enemy is except me; I am the
+only one who looks through the periscope--I take good care of that. And
+then how I curse and swear when I announce that the convoy has altered
+course, and there is no chance of getting in to attack. None of them
+are so disappointed as I am!
+
+The mines get on my nerves, there is no way of dodging them, and Lord!
+how they sprout on the Flanders coast.
+
+I am to go out in six days. It is very little rest. I believe they want
+to kill me. But I won't die! Not I.
+
+I went to her grave yesterday for the first time. I had thought I
+should weep, but I did not; in fact it left me quite unmoved. I feel
+she's not really dead; she comes to me sometimes, always at night when
+I am alone and when we are at sea. There's nothing very tangible, but I
+catch an echo of her voice in the surge of the sea along the casing, or
+the sound of the breeze as it plays along the aerial. And so I will not
+die until she calls me, for up to the present her messages have told me
+to live and endure.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A very awkward incident took place last night. We were off the Naze and
+saw a steamer some distance away.
+
+We dived to attack. When we were about a mile away I had a look at her,
+and something about her put me off. I half thought she was a decoy
+ship, and I privately determined I would not attack. I steered a course
+which brought me well on her quarter, and as soon as I saw that it was
+impossible to get into position to fire I increased speed on the
+engines and shook the whole boat in efforts which were ostensibly
+directed to getting her into position. At length I eased speed and
+bitterly exclaimed that my luck was out.
+
+The First Lieutenant suggested that we should give her gunfire, but I
+pointed out that I had good reason to suspect her of being a wolf in
+sheep's clothing, and as he had not seen her he could hardly question
+my judgment. I was going forward, when I accidentally overheard the
+Navigator and the Engineer talking in the wardroom. I listened.
+
+The Engineer said: "The Captain doesn't seem to have the luck he used
+to command."
+
+"Or else he has lost skill!" replied Ebert. "We never fired a torpedo
+at all last trip, and it looks as if we are following that precedent
+this time."
+
+I had heard enough, and, without their realizing my presence, I
+returned to the control room. I considered the situation, and came to
+the conclusion that they suspected nothing, but it was evident that
+their minds were running on lines of thought which might be dangerous.
+I looked at my watch and saw that there was still two hours of daylight
+left, and then decided to play a trick on them all. I relieved the
+First Lieutenant at the periscope, and when a decent interval of about
+half an hour had elapsed I saw a ship. This vessel of my imagination, a
+veritable Flying Dutchman in fact, I proceeded to attack, and, after
+about twenty minutes of frequent alterations of speed and course, I
+electrified the boat by bringing the bow tubes to the ready.
+
+The usual delay was most artistically arranged, and then I fired. With
+secret amusement I watched the two expensive weapons of war rushing
+along, but destined to sink ingloriously in the ocean, instead of
+burying themselves in the vitals of a ship. An oath from myself and an
+order to take the boat to twenty metres.
+
+With gloomy countenance I curtly remarked: "The port torpedo broke
+surface and then dived underneath her, the starboard one missed
+astern."
+
+So far all had gone well, but ten minutes later I nearly made a fatal
+error. We had been diving for several hours, the atmosphere was bad,
+and as it was dusk I decided to come up, ventilate, and put a charge on
+the batteries. I gave the necessary orders, and was on my way up the
+conning tower to open the outer hatch. The coxswain had just announced
+that the boat was on the surface, when a terrible thought paralysed me,
+and I clung helplessly to the ladder trying to think out the situation.
+
+It had just occurred to me that as soon as the officers and crew came
+on deck they would naturally look for the steamer we had recently fired
+at; this ship in the time interval which had elapsed would still be in
+sight.
+
+As I came down, the First Lieutenant was at the periscope, looking
+round the horizon. Quickly I thrust the youth from the eyepiece, and,
+as calmly as I could, said: "I thought I heard propellers."
+
+Half an hour later we surfaced for the night. I have been wondering
+ever since whether they suspect, for the three of them were talking in
+the wardroom after dinner and stopped suddenly when I came in.
+
+I must be careful in future.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I was sent for this morning by the Commodore's office, and handed my
+appointment as Senior Lieutenant at the barracks Wilhelmshafen.
+
+No explanation, though I suspected something of the sort was coming, as
+three days after we got in from my last trip I was examined by the
+medical board attached to the flotilla.
+
+So I am to leave the U-boat service, and leave it under a cloud! It is
+a sad come-down from Captain of a U-boat to Lieutenant in barracks, a
+job reserved for the medically unfit for sea service.
+
+Am I sorry? No, I think I am glad. Life here at Bruges is one long
+painful episode. No one speaks to me in the Mess. I am left severely
+alone with my memories. The night before last I found a revolver in my
+room, and attached to it was a piece of paper bearing the words: "From
+a friend."
+
+Perhaps at Wilhelmshafen it will be different, and yet, when I went
+down to the boat at noon and collected my personal affairs and stepped
+over her side for the last time, I could not check a feeling of great
+sadness. We had endured much together, my boat and I, and the parting
+was hard.
+
+
+
+
+ _At Barracks_.
+
+
+As I suspected when I was appointed here, my job is deadly to a degree,
+and my main duty is to sign leave passes.
+
+Our great effort in France has failed, and now the Allies react
+furiously. The great war machine is strained to its utmost capacity;
+can it endure the load?
+
+Our proper move is to paralyse the Allied offensive by striking with
+all our naval weight at his cross-channel communications. The U-boat
+war is too slow, and time is not on our side, whilst a hammer blow down
+the Channel might do great things. But we have no naval imagination,
+and who am I, that I should advance an opinion?
+
+A discredited Lieutenant in barracks--that's all.
+
+Worse and worse--there are rumours of troubles in the Fleet taking
+place under certain conditions.
+
+It is the beginning of the end!
+
+Last night the High Seas Fleet were ordered to weigh at 8 a.m. this
+morning.
+
+A mutiny broke out in the _Koenig_ and quickly spread.
+
+By 9 a.m. half a dozen ships were flying the red flag, and to-day
+Wilhelmshafen is being administered by the Council of Soldiers and
+Sailors.
+
+There has been little disorder; the men have been unanimous in
+declaring that they would not go to sea for a last useless massacre, a
+last oblation on the bloodstained altars of war.
+
+Can they be blamed? Of what use would such sacrifice be?
+
+Yet to an officer it is all very sad and disheartening.
+
+I have seen enough to sicken me of the whole German system of making
+war, and yet if the call came I know I would gladly go forth and die
+when _tout est perdu fors l'honneur_.
+
+Such instincts are bred deep into the men of families such as mine.
+
+We approach the culmination of events. To-day Germany has called for an
+armistice. It has been inevitable since our Allies began falling away
+from us like rotten print.
+
+The terms will doubtless be hard.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Heavens above! but the terms are crushing!
+
+All the U-boats to be surrendered, the High Seas Fleet interned; why
+not say "surrendered" straight out, it will come to that, unless we
+blow them up in German ports.
+
+The end of Kaiserdom has come; we are virtually a republic; it is all
+like a dream.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We have signed, and the last shot of the world-war has been fired.
+
+Here everything is confusion; the saner elements are trying to keep
+order, the roughs are going round the dockyard and ships, looting
+freely.
+
+"Better we should steal them than the English," and "There is no
+Government, so all is free," are two of their cries.
+
+There has been a little shooting in the streets, and it is not safe for
+officers to move about in uniform, though, on the whole, I have
+experienced little difficulty.
+
+I was summoned to-day before the Local Council, which is run by a man
+who was a Petty Officer of signals in the _Koenig_. He recognized me and
+looked away.
+
+I was instructed to take U.122 over to Harwich for surrender to the
+English.
+
+I made no difficulty; some one has got to do it, and I verily believe I
+am indifferent to all emotions.
+
+We sail in convoy on the day after tomorrow; that is to say, if the
+crew condescend to fuel the boat in time. Three looters were executed
+to-day in the dockyard and this has had a steadying effect on the worst
+elements.
+
+       *       *       *       *      *
+
+I went on board 122 to-day, and on showing my authority which was
+signed by the Council (which has now become the Council of Soldiers,
+Sailors and Workmen), the crew of the boat held a meeting at which I
+was not invited to be present.
+
+At its conclusion the coxswain came up to me and informed me that a
+resolution had been carried by seventeen votes to ten, to the effect
+that I was to be obeyed as Captain of the boat.
+
+I begged him to convey to the crew my gratification, and expressed the
+hope that I should give satisfaction.
+
+I am afraid the sarcasm was quite lost on them.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are within sixty miles of Harwich and I expect to sight the English
+cruisers any moment.
+
+I wrote some days ago that I was incapable of any emotion.
+
+I was wrong, as I have been so often during the last two years.
+
+In fact, I have come to the conclusion that I am no psychologist--I
+don't believe we Germans are any good at psychology, and that's the
+root reason why we've failed.
+
+I do feel emotion--it's terrible; the shame--the humiliation is
+unbearable.
+
+I wonder how the English will behave? What a day of triumph for them.
+
+The signalman has just come down and reported British cruisers right
+ahead; it will soon be over. I must go up on deck and exercise my
+functions as elected Captain of U.122, and representative of Germany in
+defeat. One last effort is demanded, and then----
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE_
+
+
+_This is the last sentence in the diary. It is probable that he suddenly
+had to hurry on deck and in the subsequent confusion forgot to rescue
+his diary from the locker in which he had thrust it_.
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER ***
+
+This file should be named 7dubc10.txt or 7dubc10.zip
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Diary of a U-boat Commander, by  Anon
+
+Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the
+copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing
+this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook.
+
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+Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the
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+**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
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+**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
+
+*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****
+
+
+Title: The Diary of a U-boat Commander
+
+Author:  Anon
+
+Release Date: April, 2005  [EBook #7947]
+[This file was first posted on June 4, 2003]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO Latin-1
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER ***
+
+
+
+
+Eric Eldred, Marvin A. Hodges, Charles Franks, and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+THE DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER
+
+WITH AN INTRODUCTION AND EXPLANATORY NOTES BY ETIENNE
+
+AND
+
+_18 Illustrations on Art Paper by Frank H. Mason._
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife
+through cheese."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+BOOKS BY ETIENNE
+
+STRANGE TALES FROM THE FLEET
+
+A NAVAL LIEUTENANT
+
+1914--1918.
+
+"In collaboration with Navallus.
+
+Five Songs from the Grand Fleet."
+
+[Illustration: "...they are so black and swift I don't go near them."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+"We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife through
+cheese"
+
+"...they are so black and swift I don't go near them"
+
+"Steering north-westerly ... to lay a small minefield off Newcastle"
+
+"He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer approaching at full
+speed to ram"
+
+"We were put down by a trawler at dawn"
+
+"The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of
+the steamer and had then dived under her"
+
+"A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck the bottom"
+
+"As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam"
+
+"We hit her aft for the second time...."
+
+"The track met our ram"
+
+"In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower"
+
+"The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down"
+
+"Good-bye! Steer west for America!"
+
+"It is a snug anchorage, and here I intend to remain"
+
+"A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign was broken at the
+fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure that was revealed
+on her side"
+
+"I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers there...."
+
+"... when there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with
+moaning fragments"
+
+"When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed
+with patrols"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+
+"I would ask you a favour," said the German captain, as we sat in the
+cabin of a U-boat which had just been added to the long line of
+bedraggled captives which stretched themselves for a mile or more in
+Harwich Harbour, in November, 1918.
+
+I made no reply; I had just granted him a favour by allowing him to
+leave the upper deck of the submarine, in order that he might await the
+motor launch in some sort of privacy; why should he ask for more?
+
+Undeterred by my silence, he continued: "I have a great friend,
+Lieutenant-zu-See Von Schenk, who brought U.122 over last week; he has
+lost a diary, quite private, he left it in error; can he have it?"
+
+I deliberated, felt a certain pity, then remembered the _Belgian
+Prince_ and other things, and so, looking the German in the face, I
+said:
+
+"I can do nothing."
+
+"Please."
+
+I shook my head, then, to my astonishment, the German placed his head
+in his hands and wept, his massive frame (for he was a very big man)
+shook in irregular spasms; it was a most extraordinary spectacle.
+
+It seemed to me absurd that a man who had suffered, without visible
+emotion, the monstrous humiliation of handing over his command intact,
+should break down over a trivial incident concerning a diary, and not
+even his own diary, and yet there was this man crying openly before me.
+
+It rather impressed me, and I felt a curious shyness at being present,
+as if I had stumbled accidentally into some private recess of his mind.
+I closed the cabin door, for I heard the voices of my crew approaching.
+
+He wept for some time, perhaps ten minutes, and I wished very much to
+know of what he was thinking, but I couldn't imagine how it would be
+possible to find out.
+
+I think that my behaviour in connection with his friend's diary added
+the last necessary drop of water to the floods of emotion which he had
+striven, and striven successfully, to hold in check during the agony of
+handing over the boat, and now the dam had crumbled and broken away.
+
+It struck me that, down in the brilliantly-lit, stuffy little cabin,
+the result of the war was epitomized. On the table were some
+instruments I had forbidden him to remove, but which my first
+lieutenant had discovered in the engineer officer's bag.
+
+On the settee lay a cheap, imitation leather suit-case, containing his
+spare clothes and a few books. At the table sat Germany in defeat,
+weeping, but not the tears of repentance, rather the tears of bitter
+regret for humiliations undergone and ambitions unrealized.
+
+We did not speak again, for I heard the launch come alongside, and, as
+she bumped against the U-boat, the noise echoed through the hull into
+the cabin, and aroused him from his sorrows. He wiped his eyes, and,
+with an attempt at his former hardiness, he followed me on deck and
+boarded the motor launch.
+
+Next day I visited U.122, and these papers are presented to the public,
+with such additional remarks as seemed desirable; for some curious
+reason the author seems to have omitted nearly all dates. This may have
+been due to the fear that the book, if captured, would be of great
+value to the British Intelligence Department if the entries were dated.
+The papers are in the form of two volumes in black leather binding,
+with a long letter inside the cover of the second volume.
+
+_Internal evidence has permitted me to add the dates as regards the
+years. My thanks are due to K. for assistance in translation_.
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Diary of a U-boat Commander
+
+
+
+
+One volume of my war-journal completed, and I must confess it is dull
+reading.
+
+I could not help smiling as I read my enthusiastic remarks at the
+outbreak of war, when we visualized battles by the week. What a
+contrast between our expectations and the actual facts.
+
+Months of monotony, and I haven't even seen an Englishman yet.
+
+Our battle cruisers have had a little amusement with the coast raids at
+Scarborough and elsewhere, but we battle-fleet fellows have seen
+nothing, and done nothing.
+
+So I have decided to volunteer for the U-boat service, and my name went
+in last week, though I am told it may be months before I am taken, as
+there are about 250 lieutenants already on the waiting list.
+
+But sooner or later I suppose something will come of it.
+
+I shall have no cause to complain of inactivity in that Service, if I
+get there.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am off to-night for a six-days trip, two days of which are to be
+spent in the train, to the Verdun sector.
+
+It has been a great piece of luck. The trip had been arranged by the
+Military and Naval Inter-communication Department; and two officers
+from this squadron were to go.
+
+There were 130 candidates, so we drew lots; as usual I was lucky and
+drew one of the two chances.
+
+It should be intensely interesting.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_At_ ----
+
+
+I arrived here last night after a slow and tiresome journey, which was
+somewhat alleviated by an excellent bottle of French wine which I
+purchased whilst in the Champagne district.
+
+Long before we reached the vicinity of Verdun it was obvious to the
+most casual observer that we were heading for a centre of unusual
+activity.
+
+Hospital trains travelling north-east and east were numerous, and twice
+our train, which was one of the ordinary military trains, was shunted
+on to a siding to allow troop trains to rumble past.
+
+As we approached Verdun the noise of artillery, which I had heard
+distantly once or twice during the day, as the casual railway train
+approached the front, became more intense and grew from a low murmur
+into a steady noise of a kind of growling description, punctuated at
+irregular intervals by very deep booms as some especially heavy piece
+was discharged, or an ammunition dump went up.
+
+The country here is very different from the mud flats of Flanders, as
+it is hilly and well wooded. The Meuse, in the course of centuries, has
+cut its way through the rampart of hills which surround Verdun, and we
+are attacking the place from three directions. On the north we are
+slowly forcing the French back on either river bank--a very costly
+proceeding, as each wing must advance an equal amount, or the one that
+advances is enfiladed from across the river.
+
+We are also slowly creeping forward from the east and north-east in the
+direction of Douaumont.
+
+I am attached to a 105-cm. battery, a young Major von Markel in
+command, a most charming fellow. I spent all to-day in the advanced
+observing position with a young subaltern called Grabel, also a nice
+young fellow. I was in position at 6 a.m., and, as apparently is common
+here, mist hides everything from view until the sun attains a certain
+strength. Our battery was supporting the attack on the north side of
+the river, though the battery itself was on the south side, and firing
+over a hill called L'Homme Mort.
+
+Von Markel told me that the fighting here has not been previously
+equalled in the war, such is the intensity of the combat and the price
+each side is paying.
+
+I could see for myself that this was so, and the whole atmosphere of
+the place is pregnant with the supreme importance of this struggle,
+which may well be the dying convulsions of decadent France.
+
+His Imperial Majesty himself has arrived on the scene to witness the
+final triumph of our arms, and all agree that the end is imminent.
+
+Once we get Verdun, it is the general opinion that this portion of the
+French front will break completely, carrying with it the adjacent
+sectors, and the French Armies in the Vosges and Argonne will be
+committed to a general retreat on converging lines.
+
+But, favourable as this would be to us, it is generally considered here
+that the fall of Verdun will break the moral resistance of the French
+nation.
+
+The feeling is, that infinitely more is involved than the capture of a
+French town, or even the destruction of a French Army; it is a question
+of stamina; it is the climax of the world war, the focal point of the
+colossal struggle between the Latin and the Teuton, and on the
+battlefields of Verdun the gods will decide the destinies of nations.
+
+When I got to the forward observing position, which was situated among
+the ruins of a house, a most amazing noise made conversation difficult.
+
+The orchestra was in full blast and something approaching 12,000 pieces
+of all sizes were in action on our side alone, this being the greatest
+artillery concentration yet effected during the war.
+
+We were situated on one side of a valley which ran up at right angles
+to the river, whose actual course was hidden by mist, which also
+obscured the bottom of our valley. The front line was down in this
+little valley, and as I arrived we lifted our barrage on to the far
+hill-side to cover an attack which we were delivering at dawn.
+
+Nothing could be seen of the conflict down below, but after half an
+hour we received orders to bring back our barrage again, and Grabel
+informed me that the attack had evidently failed. This afternoon I
+heard that it was indeed so, and that one division (the 58th), which
+had tried to work along the river bank and outflank the hill, had been
+caught by a concentration of six batteries of French 75's, which were
+situated across the river. The unfortunate 58th, forced back from the
+river-side, had heroically fought their way up the side of the hill,
+only to encounter our barrage, which, owing to the mist, we thought was
+well above and ahead of where they would be.
+
+Under this fresh blow the 58th had retired to their trenches at the
+bottom of the small valley. As the day warmed up the mist disappeared,
+and, like a theatre curtain, the lifting of this veil revealed the
+whole scene in its terrible and yet mechanical splendour.
+
+I say mechanical, for it all seemed unreal to me. I knew I should not
+see cavalry charges, guns in the open, and all the old-world panoply of
+war, but I was not prepared for this barren and shell-torn circle of
+hills, continually being freshly, and, to an uninformed observer,
+aimlessly lashed by shell fire.
+
+Not a man in sight, though below us the ground was thickly strewn with
+corpses. Overhead a few aeroplanes circled round amidst balls of white
+shell bursts.
+
+During the day the slow-circling aeroplanes (which were artillery
+observing machines) were galvanized into frightful activity by the
+sudden appearance of a fighting machine on one side or the other; this
+happened several times; it reminded me of a pike amongst young trout.
+
+After lunch I saw a Spad shot down in flames, it was like Lucifer
+falling down from high heavens. The whole scene was enframed by a
+sluggish line of observation balloons.
+
+Sometimes groups of these would hastily sink to earth, to rise again
+when the menace of the aeroplane had passed. These balloons seemed more
+like phlegmatic spectators at some athletic contest than actual
+participants in the events.
+
+I wish my pen could convey to paper the varied impressions created
+within my mind in the course of the past day; but it cannot. I have the
+consolation that, though I think that I have considerable ability as a
+writer, yet abler pens than mine have abandoned in despair the task of
+describing a modern battle.
+
+I can but reiterate that the dominant impression that remains is of the
+mechanical nature of this business of modern war, and yet such an
+impression is a false one, for as in the past so to-day, and so in the
+future, it is the human element which is, has been, and will be the
+foundation of all things.
+
+Once only in the course of the day did I see men in any numbers, and
+that was when at 3 p.m. the French were detected massing for a
+counter-attack on the south side of the river. It was doomed to be
+still-born. As they left their trenches, distant pigmy figures in
+horizon blue, apparently plodding slowly across the ground, they were
+lashed by an intensive barrage and the little figures were obliterated
+in a series of spouting shell bursts.
+
+Five minutes later the barrage ceased, the smoke drifted away and not a
+man was to be seen. Grabel told me that it had probably cost them 750
+casualties. What an amazing and efficient destruction of living
+organism!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Another most interesting day, though of a different nature.
+
+To-day was spent witnessing the arrangements for dealing with the
+wounded. I spent the morning at an advanced dressing station on the
+south bank of the river. It was in a cellar, beneath the ruins of a
+house, about 400 yards from the front line and under heavy shell-fire,
+as close at hand was the remains of what had been a wood, which was
+being used as a concentration point for reserves.
+
+The cover afforded by this so-called wood was extremely slight, and the
+troops were concentrating for the innumerable attacks and
+counter-attacks which were taking place under shell fire. This caused
+the surgeon in charge of the cellar to describe the wood as our main
+supply station!
+
+I entered the cellar at 8 a.m., taking advantage of a partial lull in
+the shelling, but a machine-gun bullet viciously flipped into a wooden
+beam at the entrance as I ducked to go in. I was not sorry to get
+underground. A sloping path brought me into the cellar, on one side of
+which sappers were digging away the earth to increase the
+accommodation.
+
+The illumination consisted of candles set in bottles and some electric
+hand lamps. The centre of the cellar was occupied by two portable
+operating tables, rarely untenanted during the three hours I spent in
+this hell.
+
+The atmosphere--for there was no ventilation--stank of sweat, blood,
+and chloroform.
+
+By a powerful effort I countered my natural tendency to vomit, and
+looked around me. The sides of the cellar were lined with figures on
+stretchers. Some lay still and silent, others writhed and groaned. At
+intervals, one of the attendants would call the doctor's attention to
+one of the still forms. A hasty examination ensued, and the stretcher
+and its contents were removed. A few minutes later the stretcher--
+empty--returned. The surgeon explained to me that there was no room
+for corpses in the cellar; business, he genially remarked, was too
+brisk at the present crucial stage of the great battle.
+
+The first feelings of revulsion having been mastered, I determined to
+make the most of my opportunities, as I have always felt that the naval
+officer is at a great disadvantage in war as compared with his
+military brother, in that he but rarely has a chance of accustoming
+himself to the unpleasant spectacle of torn flesh and bones.
+
+This morning there was no lack of material, and many of the intestinal
+wounds were peculiarly revolting, so that at lunch-time, when another
+convenient lull in the torrent of shell fire enabled me to leave the
+cellar, I felt thoroughly hardened; in fact I had assisted in a humble
+degree at one or two operations.
+
+I had lunch at the 11th Army Medical Headquarters Mess, and it was a
+sumptuous meal to which I did full justice.
+
+After lunch, whilst waiting to be motored to a field hospital, I
+happened to see a battalion of Silesian troops about to go up to the
+front line.
+
+It was rather curious feeling that one was looking at men, each in
+himself a unit of civilization, and yet many of whom were about to die
+in the interests thereof.
+
+Their faces were an interesting study.
+
+Some looked careless and debonair, and seemed to swing past with a
+touch of recklessness in their stride, others were grave and serious,
+and seemed almost to plod forward to the dictates of an inevitable
+fatalism.
+
+The field hospital, where we met some very charming nurses, on one of
+whom I think I created a distinct impression, was not particularly
+interesting. It was clean, well-organized and radiated the efficiency
+inseparable from the German Army.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Back at Wilhelmshaven--curse it!
+
+Yesterday morning, when about to start on a tour of the ammunition
+supply arrangements, I received an urgent wire recalling me at once!
+
+There was nothing for it but to obey.
+
+I was lucky enough to get a passage as far as Mons in an albatross
+scout which was taking dispatches to that place.
+
+From there I managed to bluff a motor car out of the town commandant--a
+most obliging fellow. This took me to Aachen where I got an express.
+
+The reason for my recall was that Witneisser went sick and Arnheim
+being away, this has left only two in the operations ciphering
+department.
+
+My arrival has made us three. It is pretty strenuous work and, being of
+a clerical nature, suits me little. The only consolation is that many
+of the messages are most interesting. I was looking through the back
+files the other day and amongst other interesting information I came
+across the wireless report from the boat that had sunk the _Lusitania_.
+
+It has always been a mystery to me why we sank her, as I do not believe
+those things pay.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Arnheim has come back, so I have got out of the ciphering department,
+to my great delight.
+
+I have received official information that my application for U-boats
+has been received. Meanwhile all there is to do is to sit at
+this ---- hole and wait.
+
+
+
+
+_2nd June_, 1916.
+
+
+I have fought in the greatest sea battle of the ages; it has been a
+wonderful and terrible experience.
+
+All the details of the battle will be history, but I feel that I must
+place on record my personal experiences.
+
+We have not escaped without marks, and the good old _König_ brought 67
+dead and 125 wounded into port as the price of the victory off
+Skajerack, but of the English there are thousands who slept their last
+sleep in the wrecked hulls of the battle cruisers which will rust for
+eternal ages upon the Jutland banks.
+
+Sad as our losses are--and the gallant _Lutzow_ has sunk in sight of
+home--I am filled with pride.
+
+We have met that great armada the British Fleet, we have struck them
+with a hammer blow and we have returned. I was asleep in my cabin when
+the news came that Hipper was coming south with the British battle
+cruisers on his beam. In five minutes we were at our action stations.
+We made contact with Hipper at 5.30 p.m., [1] and Beatty turned north
+with his cruisers and fast battleships and we pursued.
+
+[Footnote 1: This is 4.30 G.M.T.--Etienne]
+
+Two of the great ships had been sunk by our battle cruisers, and we had
+hopes of destroying the remainder, when at 6.55 the mist on the
+northern horizon was pierced by the formidable line of the British
+Battle Fleet.
+
+Jellicoe had arrived!
+
+Three battle cruisers became involved between the lines, and in an
+instant one was blown up, and another crawled west in a sinking
+condition. Sudden and terrible are events in a modern sea-battle.
+
+Confronted with the concentrated force of Britain's Battle Fleet we
+turned to east, and for twenty minutes our High Seas Fleet sustained
+the unequal contest.
+
+It was during this period that we were hit seventeen times by heavy
+shell, though, in my position in the after torpedo control tower, I
+only realized one hit had taken place, which was when a shell plunged
+into the after turret and, blowing the roof off, killed every member of
+the turret's crew.
+
+From my position, when the smoke and dust had blown away, I looked down
+into a mass of twisted machinery, amongst which I seemed to detect the
+charred remains of bodies.
+
+At about 7.40 we turned, under cover of our smoke screen, and steered
+south-west.
+
+Our position was not satisfactory, as the last information of the enemy
+reported them as turning to the southward; consequently they were
+between us and Heligoland.
+
+At 11 p.m. we received a signal for divisions of battle fleets to steer
+independently for the Horn Reef swept channel.
+
+Ten minutes later we underwent the first of five destroyer attacks.
+
+The British destroyers, searching wide in the night, had located us,
+and with desperate gallantry pressed home the attack again and again.
+So close did they come that about 1.30 a.m. we rammed one, passing
+through her like a knife through a cheese.
+
+It was a wonderful spectacle to see those sinister craft, rushing madly
+to their destruction down the bright beam of our powerful searchlights.
+It was an avenue of death for them, but to the credit of their Service
+it must stand that throughout the long nightmare they did not hesitate.
+
+The surrounding darkness seemed to vomit forth flotilla after flotilla
+of these cavalry of the sea.
+
+And they struck us once, a torpedo right forward, which will keep us in
+dock for a month, but did no vital injury.
+
+When morning dawned, misty and soft, as is its way in June in the
+Bight, we were to the eastward of the British, and so we came
+honourably home to Wilhelmshaven, feeling that the young Navy had laid
+worthy foundations for its tradition to grow upon.
+
+We are to report at Kiel, and shall be six weeks upon the job.
+
+
+
+
+_Frankfurt_.
+
+
+Back on seventeen days' leave, and everyone here very anxious to hear
+details of the battle of Skajerack.
+
+It is very pleasant to have something to talk to the women about.
+Usually the gallant field greys hold the drawing-room floor, with their
+startling tales from the Western Front, of how they nearly took Verdun,
+and would have if the British hadn't insisted on being slaughtered on
+the Somme.
+
+It is quite impossible in many ways to tell that there is a war on as
+far as social life in this place is concerned.
+
+There is a shortage of good coffee and that is about all.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Arrived back on board last night.
+
+They have made a fine job of us, and we go through the canal to the
+Schillig Roads early next week.
+
+We are to do three weeks' gunnery practices from there, to train the
+new drafts.
+
+
+
+1916 (_about August_).
+
+At last! Thank Heavens, my application has been granted. Schmitt (the
+Secretary) told me this morning that a letter has come from the
+Admiralty to say that I am to present myself for medical examination at
+the board at Wilhelmshaven to-morrow.
+
+What joy! to strike a blow at last, finished for ever the cursed
+monotony of inactivity of this High Seas Fleet life. But the U-boat
+war! Ah! that goes well. We shall bring those stubborn, blood-sucking
+islanders to their knees by striking at them through their bellies.
+
+When I think of London and no food, and Glasgow and no food, then who
+can say what will happen? Revolt! rebellion in England, and our brave
+field greys on the west will smash them to atoms in the spring of 1917,
+and I, Karl Schenk, will have helped directly in this! Great
+thought--but calm! I am not there yet, there is still this confounded
+medical board. I almost wish I had not drunk so much last night, not
+that it makes any difference, but still one must run no risks, for I
+hear that the medical is terribly strict for the U-boat service. Only
+the cream is skimmed! Well, to-morrow we shall see.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Passed! and with flying colours; it seemed absurdly easy and only took
+ten minutes, but then my physique is magnificent, thanks to the
+physical training I have always done. I am now due to get three weeks'
+leave, and then to Zeebrugge.
+
+I have wired to the little mother at Frankfurt.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_At Zeebrugge, or rather Bruges._
+
+
+I spent three weeks at home, all the family are pleased except mother;
+she has a woman's dread of danger; it is a pleasing characteristic in
+peace time, but a cloy on pleasure in days of war. To her, with the
+narrowness of a female's intellect, I really believe I am of more
+importance than the Fatherland--how absurd. Whilst at Frankfurt I saw a
+good deal of Rosa; she seems better looking each time I meet her;
+doubtless she is still developing to full womanhood. Moritz was home
+from Flanders. He had ten days' leave from Ypres, and, though I have a
+dislike for him, he certainly was interesting, though why the English
+cling to those wretched ruins is more than I can understand.
+
+I felt instinctively that in a sense Moritz and I were rivals where
+Rosa was concerned, though I have never considered her in that
+light--as yet. One day, perhaps? These women are much the same
+everywhere, and I could see that having entered the U-boat service made
+a difference with Rosa, though her logic should have told her that I
+was no different. But is that right? After all, it is something to have
+joined this service; the Guards themselves have no better cachet, and
+it is certainly cheaper.
+
+Here we live in billets and in a commandeered hotel. The life ashore is
+pleasant enough; the damned Belgians are sometimes sulky, but they know
+who is master. Bissing (a splendid chap) sees to that.
+
+As a matter of fact we have benefited them by our occupation, the shops
+do a roaring trade at preposterous prices, and shamefully enough the
+German shopkeepers are most guilty. These pot-bellied merchants don't
+seem to realize that they exist owing to our exertions.
+
+I was much struck with the beautiful orderliness of the small gardens
+which we have laid out since 1914, and, in fact, wherever one looks
+there is evidence of the genius of the German race for thorough
+organization. Yet these Belgians don't seem to appreciate it. I can't
+understand it.
+
+I find here that social life is very much gayer than at that mad town
+of Wilhelmshaven. At the High Seas Fleet bases there was the strictness
+and austerity that some people seem to consider necessary to show that
+we are at war, though Heaven knows there was precious little war in the
+High Seas Fleet; perhaps that was why the "blood and iron" régime was
+in full order ashore. Here, in Bruges, at any rate as far as the
+submarine officers are concerned, the matter is far different. When the
+boats are in, one seems to do as one likes, with a perfunctory visit to
+the ship in the course of the day.
+
+Witnitz (the Commodore) favours complete relaxation when in from a
+trip. In the evenings there are parties, for which there are always
+ladies, and I find it is necessary to have a "smoking."[1] I went to
+the best tailor to buy one, and found that I must have one made at the
+damnable price of 140 marks; the fitter, an oily Jew, had the
+incredible impertinence to assure me it would be cut on London lines!
+
+[Footnote 1: A dinner jacket.]
+
+I nearly felled him to the ground; can one never get away from England
+and things English? I'll see his account waits a bit before I settle
+it.
+
+There are several fellows I know here. Karl Müller, who was 3rd
+watchkeeper in the _Yorck_, and Adolf Hilfsbaumer, who was captain of
+G.176, are the two I know best. They are both doing a few trips as
+second in commands of the later U.C. boats, which are mine-laying off
+the English coasts. This is a most dangerous operation, and nearly all
+the U.C. boats are commanded by reserve officers, of whom there are a
+good many in the Mess.
+
+Excellent fellows, no doubt, but somewhat uncouth and lacking the finer
+points of breeding; as far as I can see in the short time I have been
+here they keep themselves to themselves a good deal. I certainly don't
+wish to mix with them. Unfortunately, it appears that I am almost bound
+to be appointed as second in command of one of the U.C. boats, for at
+least one trip before I go to the periscope school and train for a
+command of my own. The idea of being bottled up in an elongated cigar
+and under the command of one of those nautical plough-boys is
+repellent. However, the Von Schenks have never been too proud to obey
+in order to learn how to command.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have been appointed second in command to U.C.47. Her captain is one
+Max Alten by name. Beyond the fact that I saw him drunk one night in
+the Mess I know nothing of him.
+
+I reported to him and he seems rather in awe of me. His fears are
+groundless.
+
+I shall make it as easy as possible for him, for it must be as awkward
+for him as it is unpleasant for me.
+
+To celebrate my proper entry into the U-boat service, I gave a dinner
+party last night in a private room at "Le Coq d'Or." I asked Karl and
+Adolf, and told them to bring three girls. My opposite number was a
+lovely girl called Zoe something or other. I wore my "smoking" for the
+first time; it is certainly a becoming costume.
+
+We drank a good deal of champagne and had a very pleasant little
+debauch; the girls got very merry, and I kissed Zoe once. She was not
+very angry. I think she is thoroughly charming, and I have accepted an
+invitation to take tea at her flat. She is either the wife or the chère
+amie of a colonel in the Brandenburgers, I could not make out which.
+Luckily the gallant "Cockchafer" is at the moment on the La Bassée
+sector, where I was interested to observe that heavy fighting has
+broken out to-day. I must console the fair Zoe!
+
+Both Karl and Adolf got rather drunk, Adolf hopelessly so, but I, as
+usual, was hardly affected. I have a head of iron, provided the liquor
+is good, and _I_ saw to that point.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We were sailing, or rather going down the canal to Zeebrugge on Friday,
+but the starting resistance of the port main motor burnt out and we
+were delayed till Sunday, as they will fit a new one.
+
+I must confess the organization for repair work here is admirable, as
+very little is done by the crews in the U-boats, all work being carried
+out by the permanent staff, who are quartered at Bruges docks. Taking
+advantage of the delay I called on Zoe Stein, as I find she is named.
+
+It appears she is _not_ married to Colonel Stein. She told me he was
+fat and ugly, and laughed a good deal about him. She showed me his
+photograph, and certainly he is no beauty. However, he must be a man of
+means, as he has given her a charming flat, beautifully decorated with
+water-colours which the Colonel salved from the French château in the
+early days--these army fellows had all the chances.
+
+I bade an affectionate farewell to Zoe, and I trust Stein will be still
+busily engaged at La Bassée when I return in a fortnight's time! I am
+greatly obliged to Karl for the introduction, and told him so; he
+himself is running after a little grass widow whose husband has been
+missing for some months. I think Karl finds it an expensive game;
+luckily Zoe seems well supplied with money--the essential ingredient in
+a joyous life.
+
+On Friday night we had an air-raid--a frequent event here, but my first
+experience in this line. Unpleasant, but a fine spectacle, considerable
+damage done near the docks and an unexploded bomb fell in a street near
+our headquarters.
+
+Two machines (British) brought down in flames. I saw the green balls
+[1] for the first time. A most fascinating sight to see them floating
+up in waving chains into the vault of heaven; they reminded me of
+making daisy chains as a child.
+
+[Footnote 1: Known as "Flying-onions."]
+
+
+
+
+_At Zeebrugge_.
+
+
+We are alongside the mole in one of the new submarine shelters that has
+been built.
+
+The boat is under a concrete roof over three feet thick, which would
+defy the heaviest bomb.
+
+We have much improved the port since our arrival. The port, so-called,
+is purely artificial, and actually consists of a long mole with a
+gentle curve in it, which reaches out to seaward and protects the mouth
+of the canal. The tides are very strong up and down the coast, and
+constant dredging is carried out to keep 20 feet of water over the sill
+at the lock gates.
+
+On arrival last night we went straight into No. 11 shelter, as an
+air-raid was expected, but nothing happened, so I went up to the
+"Flandre," which seems to be the best hotel here, full of submarine
+people, and I heard many interesting stories. There seems no doubt this
+U-boat war is dangerous work; I find the U.C. boats are beginning to be
+called the Suicide Club, after the famous English story of that name,
+which, curiously enough, I saw on the kinematograph at Frankfurt last
+leave. We Germans are extraordinarily broad-minded; I doubt if the
+works of German authors are seen on the screens in England or France.
+
+The news from the West is good, the English are hurling themselves to
+destruction against our steel front. We are now to load up with mines.
+I must stop writing to superintend this work.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea. Near the South Dogger Light._
+
+
+We loaded up the ten mines we carry in an hour and five minutes. They
+were lifted from a railway truck by a big crane and delicately lowered
+into the mine tubes, of which we have five in the bows.
+
+The tubes extend from the upper deck of the ship to her keel, and slope
+aft to facilitate release. Having completed with fuel at Bruges, we
+took in a store of provisions and Alten went up to the Commodore's
+office to get our sailing orders.
+
+We sailed at 6 p.m. and at last I felt I was off. To-day, the 22nd, we
+are just north of the South Dogger, steering north-westerly at 9-1/2
+knots.
+
+The sea is quite calm and everything is very pleasant. Our mission is
+to lay a small minefield off Newcastle in the East Coast war channel. I
+have, of course, never been to sea for any length of time in a U-boat,
+and it is all very novel.
+
+I find the roar of the Diesel engine very relentless, and last night
+slept badly in a wretched bunk, which was a poor substitute for my
+lovely quarters in the barracks at Wilhelmshaven. One thing I
+appreciate, and that is the food; it is really excellent: fresh milk,
+fresh butter, white bread and many other luxuries.
+
+I have spent most of the day picking up things about the boat. Her
+general arrangement is as follows:
+
+Starting in the bows, mine tubes occupy the centre of the boat, leaving
+two narrow passages, one each side. In the port passage is the wireless
+cabinet and signal flag lockers, with store rooms underneath. In the
+starboard passage are one or two small pumps and the kitchen.
+
+The next compartment contains four bunks, two each side, these are
+occupied by Alten, myself, the engineer, and the Navigating Warrant
+Officer. Proceeding further aft one enters the control room, in which
+one periscope is situated, and the necessary valves and pumps for
+diving the boat.
+
+The next compartment is the crew space; ten of the company exist here.
+
+Overhead on each side is the gear for releasing the torpedoes from the
+external torpedo tubes, of which we carry one each side. I think we
+borrowed this idea from the Russians.
+
+Then comes the engine-room, an inferno of rattling noises, but
+excellent engines, I believe. At the after end of the engine-room are
+the two main switchboards, of whose manner of working I am at present
+in some ignorance.
+
+The two main sets of electric motors are underneath the boards, in the
+stern, where we have a third torpedo tube.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I had hardly written the above words when a message came that the
+captain would like me to come to the bridge.
+
+I went up in a leisurely fashion, through the conning tower, which is
+over the control room, and reported myself. He indicated a low-lying
+patch of smoke on the horizon far away on the starboard bow. I was
+obliged to confess that it conveyed nothing to me, when he aroused my
+intense interest by stating that it was, without doubt, being emitted
+from a British submarine, who are known to frequent these waters. He
+was proceeding away from us, and was, even then, six or seven miles
+away, so an attack was out of the question. The engineer, who had
+joined us, drew my attention to the thin wisp of almost invisible
+blue-grey smoke from our own stern. The contrast was certainly
+striking!
+
+Over dinner I gave it as my opinion that the British boats were pretty
+useless. Alten would not agree, and stated that, though in certain
+technical aspects they were in a position of inferiority, yet in
+personnel and skill in attacking they were fully our equals. He seemed
+to hold them in considerable respect, and he remarked that, when making
+a passage, he was more anxious on their account than in any other way.
+He informed me that, on the last passage he made, he was attacked by a
+British boat which he never saw, the only indication he received being
+a torpedo which jumped out of the water almost over his tail. Luckily
+it was very rough at the time, which made the torpedo run erratically,
+otherwise they would undoubtedly have been hit.
+
+What appeared to astonish him was the fact that the British boat had
+been able to make an attack in such weather. We are now charging on one
+engine, 500 amperes on each half-battery.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are due back at Zeebrugge at 10 p.m. to-night. We should have been
+in at dawn to-day, but we received a wireless from the senior officer,
+Zeebrugge, to say that mine-laying was suspected, and we were to wait
+till the "Q.R." channel, from the Blankenberg buoy, had been swept. We
+lay in the bottom for eight hours, a few miles from the western end of
+the channel.
+
+Our trip was quite successful, but not without certain excitements.
+
+On the night of the 23rd we passed fairly close to a fishing fleet on
+the Dogger Bank, and saw the lights of several steamers in the
+distance. As our first business was to lay our mines in the appointed
+place, we did not worry them.
+
+We burnt usual navigation lights, or rather side lights which appear to
+be usual, except that, by a little fitting which Alten has made
+himself, the arcs of bearing on which the lights show can be changed at
+will. His idea is that, should we appear to be approaching a steamer
+which he wishes to avoid, in many cases, by shining a little more or
+less red and green light, we can make her think that we are a steamer
+on such a course that it is her duty by the rules of the road to keep
+clear of us.
+
+He tells me it has worked on several occasions, and he has also found
+it useful to have two small auxiliary side lights fitted which are the
+wrong colours for the sides they are on. It is, of course, only neutral
+shipping which carry lights nowadays, though Alten says that many
+British ships are still incredibly careless in the matter of lights.
+
+However, to resume my account of what happened. We reached our position
+at dawn or slightly after, the weather was beautifully calm and the sea
+like glass. As we were only three miles from the English coast, and
+close to the mouth of the Tyne, we were extraordinarily lucky to have
+nothing in sight, if one excepts a long smudge of smoke which trailed
+across the horizon to the southward.
+
+The land itself was obscured by early morning banks of mist, yet
+everything was so still that we actually faintly heard the whistle of a
+train. I could hardly restrain from suggesting to Alten that we should
+elevate the 10-cm. gun to fifteen degrees and fire a few rounds on to
+"proud Albion's virgin shores," but I did not do so as I felt fairly
+certain that he would not approve, and I do not wish to lay myself open
+to rebuffs from him after his behaviour concerning the smoking
+incident. I boil with rage at the thought, but again I digress.
+
+The fact that the land was obscured was favourable from the point of
+view that we were not worried by coast watchers, but unfavourable from
+the standpoint that we were unable to take bearings of anything and so
+ascertain our exact position.
+
+The importance of this point in submarine mine-laying is obvious, for,
+owing to our small cargo of eggs, it is quite possible that we may be
+sent here again, to lay an adjacent field, in which case it is highly
+desirable to know the exact position of one's previous effort.
+
+[Illustration: "Steering north-westerly...; to lay a small minefield
+off Newcastle."]
+
+[Illustration: "He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer
+approaching at full speed to ram."]
+
+We were somewhat assisted in our efforts to locate ourselves by the
+fact that a seven-fathom patch existed exactly where we had to lay. We
+picked up the edge of this bank with our sounding machine, and steering
+north half a mile, laid our mines in latitude--No! on second thoughts I
+will omit the precise position, for, though I shall take every
+precaution, there is no saying that through some misfortune this
+Journal might not get into the wrong hands.
+
+I am very glad I decided to keep these notes, as I shall take much
+pleasure in reading them when Victory crowns our efforts and the joys
+of a peaceful life return.
+
+I found it a delightful sensation being so close to the enemy coast, in
+his territorial waters, in fact. For the first time since the Skajerack
+battle I experienced the personal joys of war, the sensation of
+intimate and successful contact with the enemy, and the most hated
+enemy at that.
+
+We had hardly finished laying our eggs when a droning noise was heard.
+With marvellous celerity we dived, that damned fellow Alten, who, under
+these circumstances leaves the bridge last, treading on my fingers as
+he followed me down the conning tower ladder.
+
+The engineer endeavoured to sympathize with me, and made some idiotic
+remark about my being quicker when I had had more practice. I bit his
+head off. I can't stand this hail-fellow-well-met attitude in these
+U.C. boats, from any lout dressed in an officer's uniform. They
+wouldn't be holding commissions if it wasn't for the war, and they
+should remember that fact. I suppose they think I'm stand-offish. Well,
+if they had my family tree behind them they would understand.
+
+We dived to sixty feet, and then came up to twenty. Alten looked
+through the periscope, and then invited me to look. Curiosity impelled
+me to accept this favour and, putting the focussing lever to
+"skyscrape" I swept round the sky.
+
+At last I saw him; he was a small gas-bag of diminutive size, beneath
+which was suspended a little car, the most ridiculous little travesty
+of an airship I have ever seen. He was nosing along at about 800 feet
+and making about 40 knots.
+
+Suddenly he must have seen the wake of our periscope, for he turned
+towards us. Simultaneously Alten, from the conning tower (I was using
+the other periscope in the control room), ordered the boat to sixty
+feet, and put the helm hard over.
+
+We had turned sixteen points, [1] and in about two minutes heard a
+series of reports right astern of us. It was evident that our ruse had
+succeeded and that he had overshot the mark.
+
+[Footnote 1: 180º]
+
+Inside the boat one felt a slight jar as each bomb went off.
+
+We gradually came round to our proper course, and cruised all day
+submerged at dead slow speed. Every time we lifted our periscope he was
+still hanging about sufficiently close to make it foolish for us to
+come to the surface.
+
+Towards noon a group of trawlers, doubtless summoned by wireless,
+appeared, and proceeded to wander about. These seemed to concern Alten
+far more than the airship, and he informed me that from their, to me,
+aimless movements he deduced they were hunting for us by hydroplanes.
+Occasionally we lay on the bottom in nineteen fathoms.
+
+By 4 p.m. the atmosphere was becoming rather unpleasant and hot, and
+gradually we took off more clothes. Curiously enough, I longed for a
+smoke, but wild horses would not have made me ask Alten for permission.
+
+At 8 p.m. it was sufficiently dark to enable us to rise, which gave me
+great pleasure, though the first rush of fresh air down the hatch made
+me vomit after hours of breathing the vitiated muck. On coming to the
+surface we saw nothing in sight, but a breeze had sprung up which
+caused spray to break over the bridge as we chugged along at 9 knots.
+
+Everyone was in high spirits, as always on the return journey, when the
+mind turns to the Fatherland and all it holds.
+
+My mind turns to Zoe. I confess it to myself frankly. I hardly realized
+to what extent this woman had begun to influence me until we received
+the wireless signal ordering us to delay entering for twelve hours. The
+receipt of this news, trivial though the delay has been, threw a mantle
+of gloom over the crew. I participated in the depression and, upon
+thought, rather wondered that this should be so. Self-analysis on the
+lines laid down by Schessmanweil [1] revealed to me that the basis of
+my annoyance is the fact that my next meeting with Zoe is deferred! I
+feel instinctively that I shall have trouble here, and that I had
+better haul off a lee shore whilst there is manoeuvring room, and
+yet--and yet I secretly rejoice that every revolution of the propeller,
+every clank and rattle of the Diesels brings us closer together.
+
+[Footnote 1: Apparently some German author, of obscure origin, as I
+cannot find him in any book of reference.--ETIENNE.]
+
+Alten has just come down from the bridge, and we chatted for some
+moments; it is evident that he wishes to apologize for his rudeness
+over the smoking incident.
+
+I was in error, I admit it frankly; at the same time I did not know
+that the battery was on charge, and to dash a match from my hand! I
+could have shot him where he stood. However, I am not vindictive, and
+as far as I am concerned the incident is ended.
+
+One thing I find trying in this small boat, and that is that I can
+find no space in which to do half my Müller exercises, the leg-
+and-arm-swinging ones. I must see whether I can't invent a set of
+U-boat exercises!
+
+Good! in two hours we reach the Mole-end light buoy.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Submarine Mess, Bruges._
+
+
+It is midnight, and as I write in my room at the top of the house the
+low rumble of the guns from the south-west vibrates faintly through the
+open window, for it is extraordinarily warm for the time of year, and I
+have flung back the curtains and risked the light shining.
+
+We spent the night at Zeebrugge and came up to the docks here next day.
+We shall probably be in for a week, and I am on four days' "extended
+absence from the boat," which practically means that I can go where I
+like in the neighbourhood provided I am handy to a telephone.
+
+After a short inward struggle I rang Zoe up on the telephone;
+fortunately I did not call first.
+
+A man's voice answered, and for a moment I was dumbfounded. I guessed
+at once it was the Colonel, and I had counted so confidently on his
+being still away at the front.
+
+For an instant I felt speechless, an impulse came to me to ring off
+without further ado, but I restrained myself, and then a fine idea came
+into my head.
+
+"Who is that?" I said.
+
+"Colonel Stein!" replied the voice, and my fears were confirmed, but my
+plan of campaign held good.
+
+"I am speaking," I continued, "on behalf of Lieutenant Von
+Schenk----"
+
+"Ah, yes!" growled the voice, and for an instant a panic seized me, but
+I resumed:
+
+"He met Madame Stein at dinner some days ago, and she kindly asked him
+to call; he has asked me to ring up and inquire when it would be
+convenient, as he would like to meet you, sir, as well. He has been
+unable to ring up himself, as he was sent away from Bruges on duty
+early this morning."
+
+I smiled to myself at this little lie and listened.
+
+"Your friend had better call to-morrow then, for I leave to-morrow
+evening for the Somme front; will you tell him?"
+
+I replied that I would, and left the telephone well satisfied, but
+cursing the fates that made it advisable to keep clear of No. 10,
+Kafelle Strasse for thirty-six hours. Needless to say next day I rang
+up again in order to tell the Colonel that Lieutenant Schenk had
+apparently been detained, as he was not yet back in Bruges, and how I
+felt sure that he would be sorry at missing the Colonel, etc., etc.,
+but all this camouflage was unnecessary, as she herself came to the
+'phone. I could have kissed the instrument when I told her of my
+stratagem and heard her silvery laughter in my ear.
+
+"It is arranged that to-morrow, starting at 10.30, we motor for the day
+to the Forest of Meten, taking our lunch and tea with us--pray Heaven
+the weather holds."
+
+To-night in the Mess it is generally considered that U.B.40 has been
+lost; she is ten days overdue and was operating off Havre, she has made
+no signal for a fortnight. Such is the price of victory and the cost of
+war--death, perhaps, in some terrible form, but bah! away with such
+thoughts, to-morrow there is love and life and Zoe!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Once more it is night, still the guns rumble on the same old dismal
+tones, and as it is raining now it must be getting bad up at the front.
+Except for the rain it might have been last night, but much has
+happened to me in the meanwhile.
+
+To-day in the forest by Ruysslede I found that I loved Zoe, loved her
+as I have never yet loved woman, loved her with my soul and all that is
+me.
+
+The day was gloriously fine when we started, and an hour's run took us
+to the forest. We left the car at an inn and wandered down one of the
+glades.
+
+I carried the basket and we strolled on and on until we found a
+suitable place deep in the heart of the forest.
+
+I have the sailor's love for woods, for their depths, their shadows,
+their mysteries, which are so vivid a contrast to the monotony of the
+sea, with the everlasting circle of the horizon and the half-bowl of
+the heavens above.
+
+In the forest to-day, though the leaves had turned to gold and red and
+brown, the beeches were still well covered, and overhead we were tented
+with a russet canopy.
+
+I say, at last we found a spot, or rather Zoe, who, with girlish
+pleasure in the adventure, had run ahead, called to me, and as I write
+I seem to hear the echoes of "Karl! Karl!" which rang through the wood.
+When I came up to her she proudly pointed to the place she had found.
+
+It was ideal. An outcrop of rock formed a miniature Matterhorn in the
+forest, and beneath its shelter with the old trees as silent witnesses
+we sat and joked and laughed, and made twenty attempts to light a fire.
+
+After lunch, a little incident happened which had an enormous effect on
+me; Zoe asked me whether I would mind if she smoked.
+
+How many women in these days would think of doing that? And yet, had
+she but known it, I am still sufficiently old-fashioned to appreciate
+the implied respect for any possible prejudices which was contained in
+her request.
+
+After lunch, I asked her a question to which I dreaded the answer.
+
+I asked her whether, now that the old Colonel had gone to the Somme,
+whether that meant that she would be leaving Bruges.
+
+She laughed and teasingly said: "Quien sabe, señor," but seeing my real
+anxiety on this point, she assured me that she was not leaving for the
+present. The Colonel, she said, had a strange belief that once a man
+had served on the Flanders Front, and especially on the Ypres salient,
+he always came back to die there.
+
+It appears that the Colonel has done fourteen months' service on the
+salient alone, and is firmly convinced he will end his career on that
+great burial ground. As we were talking about the Colonel I longed to
+ask her how she had met him, and perhaps find out why she lives with
+him, for I cannot believe she loves him, but I did not dare.
+
+Strangely enough I found that a curious shyness had taken hold of me
+with regard to Zoe.
+
+I said to myself, "Fool! you are alone with her, you long to kiss her;
+you have kissed her, first at the dinner-party, secondly when you said
+good-bye at her flat," and yet to-day it was different.
+
+Then I was kissing a pretty woman, I was on the eve of a dangerous
+life, and I was simply extracting the animal pleasures whilst I lived.
+
+To-day it was a case of Zoe, the personality I loved; I still longed to
+kiss her, but I wanted to have the unquestioned right to kiss her, as
+much as I wanted the kisses.
+
+I wanted to have her for my own, away from the contaminating ownership
+of the old Colonel, and I determined to get her.
+
+I think she noticed the changed attitude on my part, and perhaps she
+felt herself that a subtle change in our relationship had taken place,
+and whilst I meditated on these things she fell into a doze at my side.
+
+I was sitting slightly above her, smoking to keep the midges away, and
+as I looked down on her childish figure a great tenderness for her
+filled my mind. She is very beautiful and to me desirable above all
+women; I can see her as she lay there trustfully at my feet. I will
+describe her, and then, when I get her photograph, I will read this
+when I am far away on a trip.
+
+She is of average height, for I am just over six feet and she reaches
+to just above my shoulder. Her hair is gloriously thick and of a deep
+black colour, and lies low on her forehead. Her complexion is of the
+purest whiteness beyond compare, which but accentuates the red warmth
+of the lips which encircle her little mouth. Her figure is slight and
+her ankles are my delight, but her crowning glories, which I have
+purposely left till last, are her eyes.
+
+I feel I could lose my soul; I have lost it, if I have one, in the
+violet depths of those eyes, which were veiled as she slept by the long
+black eyelashes which curled up delicately as they rested on her
+cheeks. I have re-read this description, and it is oh, so unsatisfying;
+would I had the pen of a Goethe or a Shakespeare, yet for want of more
+skill the description shall stand.
+
+How I long for her to be mine, and yet, unfortunate that I am, I cannot
+for certain declare that she loves me.
+
+A thousand doubts arise. I torment myself with recollections of her
+behaviour at the dinner-party, when within two hours of our first
+meeting she gave me her lips.
+
+Yet did I not first roughly kiss her as we danced?
+
+I find consolation in the fact that, though she has said nothing, yet
+her conduct to-day was different. She was so quiet after tea as we
+wandered back through the forests with the setting sun striking golden
+beams aslant the tree trunks.
+
+Before we left I sang to her Tchaikowsky's beautiful song, "To the
+Forest," and I think she was pleased, for I may say with justice that
+my voice is of high quality for an amateur, and the song goes well
+without an accompaniment, whilst the atmosphere and surroundings were
+ideal.
+
+There was only one jarring note in a perfect day; when we returned to
+the car the chauffeur permitted himself a sardonic grin. Zoe
+unfortunately saw it and blushed scarlet.
+
+I could have struck him on his impudent mouth, but for her sake I
+judged it advisable to notice nothing.
+
+I feel I could go on writing about her all night, but it is nearly 2
+a.m. I must get some sleep.
+
+The guns rumble steadily in the south-west, and the sky is lit by their
+flashes; may the fighting on the Somme be bloody these coming days.
+
+
+
+
+[_Probably about ten days later.--Etienne._]
+
+
+We leave to-night, having had a longer spell than usual. I am in a
+distracted state of mind. Since our glorious day in the forest I have
+seen her nearly every afternoon, though twice that swine Alten has kept
+me in the boat in connection with some replacements of the battery.
+
+I have found out that, like me, she is intensely musical. She plays
+beautifully on the piano, and we had long hours together playing Chopin
+and Beethoven; we also played some of Moussorgsky's duets, but I love
+her best when she plays Chopin, the composer pre-eminent of love and
+passion.
+
+She has masses of music, as the Colonel gives her what she likes. We
+also played a lot of Debussy. At first I demurred at playing a living
+French composer's works, but she pouted and looked so adorable that all
+my scruples vanished in an instant, so we closed all the doors and she
+played it for hours very softly whilst I forgot the war and all its
+horrors and remembered only that I was with the well-beloved girl.
+
+The Colonel writes from Thiepval, where the British are pouring out
+their blood like water. He writes very interesting letters, and has had
+many narrow escapes, but unfortunately he seems to bear a charmed life.
+His letters are full of details, and I wonder he gets them past the
+Field Censorship, but I suppose he censors his own.
+
+She laughs at them and calls them her Colonel's dispatches; she says he
+is so accustomed to writing official reports that the poor old man
+can't write an ordinary letter.
+
+I told her that I thought the way he mentioned regiments and
+dispositions rather indiscreet, and she agrees, but she says he has
+asked her to keep them, with a view to forming a collection of letters
+written from the front whilst the incidents he describes are vivid in
+his mind. I suppose the old ass knows his own business, and one day the
+collection may be completed by a telegram "Regretting to announce, etc.
+etc." The sooner the better.
+
+So the days passed pleasantly enough, and never by a gesture or word of
+mouth did she show that I was more to her than any other pleasant young
+man.
+
+I kissed her when I arrived, I kissed her when I left, each day was the
+same. She would put her arms round my neck and look long and deeply
+into my eyes, then she would gently kiss my lips. Not an atom of
+emotion! not a spark from the fires which I feel must be raging beneath
+that diabolically [1] extraordinary [1] amazingly calm exterior.
+
+[Footnote 1: These words are crossed out.--ETIENNE.]
+
+On ordinary subjects she would chatter vivaciously enough and she can
+talk in a fascinating manner on every subject I care to bring up, but
+as soon as I drew the conversation round to a personal line she
+gradually became more silent and a far-away and distant look came into
+those wonderful eyes.
+
+I have found out nothing about her beyond the fact that she has
+travelled all over Europe. I don't even know how old she is, but I
+should guess twenty-six.
+
+I tried to find out a few details by means of discreet remarks at the
+Club and elsewhere.
+
+She simply arrived here about a year ago--as a singer, and met the
+Colonel--beyond that, all is mystery. Everything about her attracts me
+powerfully, and this mystery adds subtleties to her charms.
+
+This afternoon I went to say good-bye; I told her we were leaving
+"shortly," and she gently reproved me for disobeying the order which
+forbids discussion of movements, but I could see she was not greatly
+displeased.
+
+After tea she played to me, music of the modern Russian
+school--Arensky, Sibelius and Pilsuki; a storm was brewing and we both
+felt sad.
+
+She played for an hour or so, and then came and sat by me on a low
+divan by the fire. We were silent for a long while in the gathering
+gloom, whilst a thousand thoughts chased each other swiftly through my
+brain, as I endeavoured to summon up courage to say what I had
+determined I must say before I left her, perhaps for ever.
+
+At last, when only her profile was visible against the glow of the
+logs, I spoke.
+
+I told her quietly, calmly and almost dispassionately that I had grown
+to love her and that to me she was life itself. I told her that I had
+tried not to speak until I could endure no longer.
+
+She sat very still as I spoke, and when I had finished there was a long
+silence and I gently stretched out my hand and stroked her lovely black
+hair. At last she rose and with averted face walked across the room,
+and stood looking at the storm through the big bow windows. I watched
+her, but did not dare follow.
+
+At length she returned to me, and I saw what I had instinctively known
+the whole time--that she had been crying. I could not think why.
+
+She put her arms round my neck, kissed me on the forehead and murmured,
+"Poor Karl."
+
+I felt crushed; I dared not move for fear of breaking the magic of the
+moment, yet I longed to know more; I felt overwhelmed by some colossal
+mystery that seemed to be enveloping me in its folds. Why did she pity
+me? Why did she weep? Why didn't she answer my avowal? Why didn't she
+tell me something? Such were some of the problems that perplexed me.
+
+It was thus when the clock chimed seven. I told her that my leave was
+up at seven o'clock, and that at 7.15 I had to be back on board the
+boat. She remembered this, and in an instant the past quarter of an
+hour might never have existed. She was all agitation and nervousness
+lest I should be late on board--though at the moment I would have
+cheerfully missed the boat to hear her say she loved me.
+
+I tried to protest, but in vain. With feminine quickness she utilized
+the incident to avoid a situation she evidently found full of
+difficulty, and at 7.10, with the memory of a light kiss on my lips and
+her God-speed in my ears I was in a taxi driving to the docks in a
+blinding rain-storm--and we sail to-night.
+
+For five, six, seven, perhaps ten days at the least, and at the most
+for ever, I am doomed to be away from her and without news of her. And
+I don't even know whether she loves me!
+
+I think I can say she cares for me up to a certain point, but I want
+more.
+
+  "Oh Zoe! of the violet eyes,
+  And hair of blackest night
+  Thy lips are brightest crimson,
+  Thy skin is dazzling white.
+
+  "Oh! lay your head upon my breast,
+  And lift your lips to mine;
+  Then murmur in soft breathings,
+  Drink deep from what is thine.
+
+  "Then let the war rage onward,
+  Let kingdoms rise and fall;
+  To each shall be the other,
+  Their life, their hope, their all."
+
+[Footnote: I am indebted to Commander C. C. for the above rough
+translation of Karl's effusion.--ETIENNE.]
+
+
+
+
+_At sea._
+
+
+We are bound for the same old spot as last time.
+
+Alten must have been drinking like a fish lately; his breath smells
+like a distillery; he is apparently partial to schnapps, which he gets
+easily in Bruges.
+
+I can't help admiring the man, as he is a rigid teetotaller at sea,
+though he must find the strain well nigh intolerable, judging from the
+condition he was in when he came on board last night. He was really
+totally unfit to take charge of the boat, and I virtually took her down
+the canal, though with sottish obstinacy he insisted on remaining on
+the bridge.
+
+This morning, though his complexion was a hideous yellow colour, he
+seems quite all right. I shall play a little trick on him at dinner
+to-night.
+
+I have begun to get to know some of the crew by now; they are a fine
+lot of youngsters with a seasoning of half a dozen older men. The
+coxswain, Schmitt by name, is a splendid old petty officer who has been
+in the U-boat service since 1911.
+
+His favourite enjoyment is to spin yarns to the younger members of the
+crew, who know of his weakness and play up to it.
+
+He has a favourite expression which runs thus:
+
+"His Majesty the Kaiser said Germany's future lies on the sea; I say
+Germany's future lies under the sea."
+
+He is inordinately fond of this statement, and the youngsters
+continually say: "What made you take to U-boat work, Schmitt?" and the
+invariable reply is as above. When he has been asked the question about
+half a dozen times in the course of a day, he is liable to become
+suspicious, and if his questioner is within range Schmitt stares at him
+for a few seconds in an absent-minded way, then an arm like that of a
+gorilla shoots out, and the quizzer (_Untersucher_) receives a
+resounding box on the ears to the huge delight of his companions. The
+old man then permits his iron-lipped mouth to relax into a caustic
+smile, after which he is left in peace for some time.
+
+At the wheel he is an artist, for he seems to divine what the next
+order is going to be, or if he is steering her on a course he predicts
+the direction of the next wave even as a skilful chess player works out
+the moves ahead.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am rather weary and ought to go to bed, but before I lose the savour
+I must record the splendid fun I had with Alten at dinner.
+
+We were dining alone, as the navigator was on the bridge, and the
+engineer was busy with a slight leak in the cooking water service. I
+have said that, though a heavy drinker by nature, Alten is a strict
+abstainer at sea. Accordingly I produced a small flask of rum, half-way
+through dinner, and helped myself to a liberal tot, placing the liquor
+between us on the table. As the sight met his eyes and the aroma
+greeted his nostrils, a gleam of joy flashed across his face, to be
+succeeded by a frown.
+
+With an amiable smile I proffered the flask to him, remarking at the
+same time: "You don't drink at sea, do you?"
+
+In a thick voice he muttered, "No! Yes--no! thank you."
+
+With an air of having noticed nothing, I resumed my meal, but out of
+the corner of my eye I watched his left hand on the table near the
+flask. It was most interesting, all the veins stood out like ropes, and
+his knuckles almost burst through the skin.
+
+This went on for about thirty seconds, when he choked out something
+about needing a breath of fresh air. As he got up his face was brick
+red, and I almost thought he'd have a fit.
+
+Whether by accident or design he pulled the cloth as he got out from
+between the settee and the table and upset the flask.
+
+He was apparently incapable of apologizing, for he rushed up on deck.
+
+A few minutes later the navigating officer came down and asked what was
+up?
+
+I said: "What do you mean?"
+
+He said: "Well, the Captain came up just now, swearing like a trooper,
+and told me to get to the devil out of it; it didn't seem advisable to
+question him, so I got out of it and came down."
+
+I expressed my opinion that the Captain must be feeling sea-sick and
+was ashamed to say so. I also suggested to the navigator that he should
+take the Captain a little brandy in case he was not feeling well, but
+the navigator declared he was going to stay down in the warmth till he
+was sent for. Alten is a great coarse brute. Fancy allowing a material
+substance such as alcohol to grip one's mentality.
+
+Thank Heaven I have nerves of iron; nothing would affect me!
+
+And now to bed, though I must just read my account of our day in the
+forest. Darling girl, may I dream of thee.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We laid our mines without trouble at 5 a.m. this morning, though at
+midnight we had a most unpleasant experience.
+
+I was asleep, as it was my morning watch, when I was awakened by the
+harsh rattle of the diving alarms.
+
+The Diesel subsided with a few spasmodic coughs into silence, and as I
+jumped out of my bunk and groped for my short sea boots, the navigator
+and helmsman came tumbling down the conning tower, with the navigator
+shouting, "Take her down," as hard as you like.
+
+The men at the planes had them "hard-to-dive" in an instant.
+
+The vents had been opened as the hooters sounded, and Alten, who had
+jumped into the control room, immediately rang down, "All out on the
+electric motors."
+
+In thirty seconds from the original alarm we were at an angle of twenty
+degrees down by the bow, and I had sat down heavily on the battery
+boards, completely surprised by the sudden tilt of the deck.
+
+It occurred to me that the air was escaping through the vents with a
+strangely loud noise, but before I could consider the matter further or
+even inquire the reason for this sudden dive, the noise increased to a
+terrifying extent, and whilst I prepared myself for the worst it
+culminated into a roar as of fifty express trains going through a
+tunnel, mingled with the noise of a high-powered aeroplane engine.
+
+The roar drummed and beat and shook the boat, then died away as
+suddenly as it came; a moment later there was a severe jar. We had
+struck the bottom, still maintaining our angle.
+
+I painfully got to my feet and then discovered from the navigator that
+he had suddenly seen two white patches of foam 800 yards on the
+starboard bow, which resolved themselves into the bow waves of a
+destroyer approaching at full speed to ram.
+
+We had dived just in time, and her knife-edged bow, driven by 30,000
+horse power, had slid through the water a very few feet above our
+conning tower.
+
+Luckily he had not dropped any depth charges. We were not, however,
+completely free of our troubles, though we had cheated the destroyer.
+
+Examination of the chart, showed the bottom to be mud, and on
+attempting to move the foremost hydroplanes, the plane motor fuses blew
+out. This showed that the boat was buried in the mud right up to her
+foremost planes, which were immovable.
+
+The hydrophone watchkeeper reported that he could still hear
+fast-running propellers, though probably some distance away, and as
+this showed that our old enemy was still nosing about we were very
+anxious not to break surface. We just blew "A." [1] At least we started
+to blow "A," but Alten wisely decided that, as it was a calm night with
+a half-moon, the bubbles on the surface might be rather conspicuous, so
+we stopped the blow and put the pump on. We also flooded "W". [2] This
+had no effect on her at all.
+
+[Footnote 1: Probably their foremost internal tank.--ETIENNE.]
+
+[Footnote 2: Presumably their after internal tank.--ETIENNE.]
+
+We then pumped out "Q" and "P," leaving "W" full, and adjusted our trim
+to give her only three tons negative buoyancy, just enough to keep us
+on the bottom if she came out of the mud.
+
+In this position we went full speed astern on the motors, 1,500 amps on
+each, and all the crew in the after-compartment. No result. We then
+pumped the outer diving tanks on the port side to give her a list to
+starboard. Still she remained fixed.
+
+So at 2 a.m. we decided to risk it and we put a slow blow on all tanks.
+
+When she had about fifty tons positive buoyancy she suddenly bucketed
+up, and, as the motors were running full speed astern at the time, we
+came up and broke surface stern first. In a few seconds we were trimmed
+down again, and as a precautionary measure we proceeded for a couple of
+miles at twenty metres, when, coming up to periscope depth, we
+surfaced, and finding all clear we proceeded. We were put down by a
+trawler at dawn, though she never saw us. After half an hour's hanging
+about she moved off, which was lucky, as she was right on our billet.
+
+We are now proceeding to a spot somewhat to the eastward of Cape St.
+Abbs, [3] as we have instructions to do a two-days patrol here and sink
+shipping.
+
+[Footnote 3: St. Abbs Head.--ETIENNE]
+
+We ought to start business to-morrow morning.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We should be in to-night, then for my little Zoe!
+
+But I must record what we have done. Already I am getting much pleasure
+from reading my diary. Strange how it amuses one to see little bits of
+oneself on paper, and the less garnished and franker the truths the
+more entertaining it is.
+
+[Illustration: "The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred
+yards short of the steamer and had then dived under her."]
+
+[Illustration: "We were put down by a trawler at dawn."]
+
+[Illustration: A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck
+the bottom]
+
+The hours here are so long and boring at times that I feel I want to
+talk intimately with someone. Failing Zoe I turn to my notebooks.
+
+The first steamer we sighted raised high hopes, at least her smoke did,
+for we saw enough smoke on the horizon to make us think we were to see
+the Grand Fleet, and we promptly dived. We cruised towards her for
+about half an hour, and then hung about where we were, as we found that
+her course would take the ship close to us.
+
+As the situation developed, Alten, who was up in the conning tower at
+the "A" periscope, gave us a certain amount of information, and we
+gathered that all this smoke was pouring out of the pipe-stem tunnel of
+a wretched little English tramp.
+
+I found it most irritating, standing in the control room (my action
+station) and not knowing what was going on.
+
+There is only one good job in a submarine and that is the Captain's. He
+knows and decides everything. The rest of us are in his hands and take
+things on trust. I object on principle to my life being held in Alten's
+hands. It is all very well for the crew, for, to start with, they have
+no imagination, and to most of them their mental horizon stops at the
+walls of the boat. Secondly, they have the consolation of mechanical
+activities; they make and break switches and open and close
+valves--they work with their hands. An officer has imagination, and
+only works with his head.
+
+As we attacked the steamer, all one heard was murmurs from Alten, such
+as: "Raise!" "Lower!" "Take her down to ten metres!" "Half speed!"
+"Slow!" "Bring her up to five metres!" "Raise!" "Lower!"
+
+I endeavoured to simulate an air of unconcern which I was far from
+feeling.
+
+Not that I was a prey to physical fear; I flatter myself it is so far
+unknown to me, and there was no great danger, but simply that I longed
+to know what was happening. At length I heard the welcome order:
+
+"Starboard tube. Stand by!"
+
+Which was followed almost immediately by the order: "Fire!"
+
+There was a kind of coughing grunt, and the starboard torpedo proceeded
+on its errand of destruction.
+
+Every ear was strained for the sound of the explosion, but all we were
+vouchsafed was a torrent of blasphemy from Alten.
+
+The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of
+the steamer, and had then evidently dived under the ship; so I gathered
+later when Alten had calmed down somewhat. We were about to surface and
+give her the gun, when luckily Alten took a good sweep round with the
+skyscraper and discovered one of those wretched little airships about a
+mile away, coming towards the steamer, which was wailing piteously, on
+her syren.
+
+As the chart showed forty metres we decided to bottom and have lunch.
+
+Over lunch we discussed the misadventure. Alten was loud in his curses
+of Tanzerman (the torpedo lieutenant at Bruges), from whom he had got
+the torpedo in guaranteed good condition only forty-eight hours before
+we sailed. He launched forth into a tirade against the torpedo staff at
+Bruges, and, warming to his subject, he roundly abused the whole of the
+depot personnel, whom he stigmatized as a set of hard-drinking,
+shore-loafing ruffians, who were incapable of realizing that they
+existed for the benefit of the boats' personnel and "material."
+
+I naturally disagreed, and did so the more readily that I
+conscientiously disagree with him. I find that there is a tendency on
+the part of some of these submarine officers, who have been U-boating a
+long time, to get into narrow grooves. Most reserve officers are not
+like this, as they have only been in during the war. Alten is an
+exception; he left the Hamburg-Amerika on two years' half pay in 1912,
+and was, of course, kept on in 1914. After all, the depot staff are
+Germans, and as such labour for the Fatherland, and though their work
+in office and workship is not so dangerous as ours, on the other hand
+they have not got the stimulation before their eyes, of glory to be
+gained. Personally I am of the opinion that the torpedo broke surface
+because, being fired from the outside tubes, it probably started too
+shallow, dived deep, recovered shallow and dived deep, broke surface
+and dived very deep. A sticky motor or sluggish weight would give this
+effect.
+
+And are these external tubes water-tight? Theoretically, yes, but what
+of practice? We have been down to forty metres several times during
+this trip, and not once have we had a chance on the surface of getting
+at the two external tubes; add to which our depth gear, with the pivots
+of the weight exposed to water if the tube does flood and then you have
+rust, corrosion and heaven knows what complications.
+
+I saw a British Mark 11.50 torpedo at the torpedo shop at Bruges the
+other day, and I was much struck with their deep depth gear, which is
+of the unrestrained Uhlan type, i.e., weight and valve interdependent.
+But then the main feature is that the whole gear is contained in a
+separate water-tight chamber.
+
+Our system is certainly a great saving in space, and is much neater in
+design, whilst I prefer the Uhlan principle of valve conjuncting with
+weight, but it would be interesting to know whether the British have
+much trouble with the depth-keeping of their torpedo.
+
+I have written quite a disquisition on depth gears; I must get on with
+my record of events.
+
+After lunch we had a good look round, but the small airship was still
+hanging about, flying slowly in large circles.
+
+We were rather surprised to meet one of these despicable little
+sausages or "Zeppelin's Spawn," as the navigator calls them, so far
+from land, and at dark we surfaced and proceeded on one engine on an
+easterly course, charging the battery right up with the other engine.
+
+Dawn revealed a blank horizon, not a vestige of mast, funnel or smoke
+in sight.
+
+We ambled along in fine though cold weather, and I took advantage of
+the peacefulness of everything to do a really good series of Müller on
+the upper deck, stripped to the waist, and allowed the keen air to play
+its invigorating currents on my torso.
+
+Alten silently watched me from the conning tower, with a sneering
+expression on his face. The navigator, who is quite a decent youngster,
+though of no family, was, I could plainly see, struck by my
+development, and asked to be initiated into the series of exercises. I
+agreed willingly enough to show them to him. I will confess I wish Zoe
+could have seen me as I perspired with healthy exercise.
+
+At about 11 a.m. a couple of masts, then two more, then another,
+appeared above the horizon. The visibility was extreme, so we at once
+dived and proceeded at full speed, ten metres.
+
+We had been going thus for perhaps half an hour when Alten remarked
+that he would have another look at the convoy. We eased speed, came up
+to six metres, and Alten proceeded up into the conning tower to use "A"
+periscope.
+
+He had hardly applied his eye to the lens when he sharply ordered the
+boat to ten metres, accompanying this order with another to the motor
+room demanding utmost speed (_Ausserste Kraft_). I went up to the
+conning tower and found him white with excitement.
+
+"Look!" he exclaimed, pointing to the periscope, entirely forgetful of
+the fact that we were at ten metres. I looked, and of course saw
+nothing; furious at the trick I considered he had played on me I turned
+on him, to be disarmed by his apology.
+
+"Sorry! I forgot! The whole British battle cruiser force is there."
+
+It was now my turn to be excited, and I rushed down to the motor room
+determined to give her every amp she would take. The port foremost
+motor was sparking like the devil, rings of cursed sparks shooting
+round the commutator, but this was no time for ceremony. I relentlessly
+ordered the field current to be still further reduced.
+
+We were actually running with an F.C. of 3.75 amps, [1] for a period,
+when the sparking assumed the appearance of a ring of fire and, fearing
+a commutator strip would melt, I ordered an F.C. of five amps.
+
+[Footnote 1: The lower the field current the faster the motor goes.
+3.75 is almost incredibly low for a motor of this type--at least
+according to British practice.--ETIENNE.]
+
+We thus passed a quarter of an hour full of strain, the tension of
+which was reflected in the attitude of all the men. Alten had announced
+his intention of using the stern torpedo tube after his failure in the
+morning, and the crew of this tube were crouched at their stations like
+a gun's crew in the last few seconds preparatory to opening fire. The
+switchboard attendants gripped the regulating rheostatts as if by their
+personal efforts they could urge the boat on faster. Old Schmitt, at
+the helm, never lifted his eyes from the compass repeater.
+
+At length: "Slow both!" "Bring her to six metres!" came from the
+conning tower, to which place I proceeded to hear the news.
+
+Slowly the periscope was raised and I held my breath; a groan came from
+Alten and he turned away. For a fraction of a second I was almost
+pleased at his obvious pain, then, sick with disappointment, I took his
+place.
+
+Yes! it was all over. There they were, and with hungry eyes and
+depressed heart I saw five great battle cruisers, of which I recognized
+the _Tiger_ with her three great funnels, the _Princess Royal_, _Lion_
+and two others, zigzagging along at 25 knots, at a distance of 12,000
+metres, across our bow.
+
+They were surrounded by a numerous screen of destroyers and light
+cruisers, the former at that range through the periscope appearing as
+black smudges.
+
+It is not often one is permitted such a spectacle in modern war, and I
+could not tear myself away from the sight of those great brutes, whom I
+had fought when in the _Derflingger_ at Dogger Bank and again when in
+the _König_ at Jutland. So near and yet so far, and as they rapidly
+drew away so did all the visions of an Iron Cross. As soon as they were
+out of sight, we surfaced in order to report what we had seen to
+Zeebrugge and Heligoland.
+
+Everything seemed against us. I had gone on the bridge with the
+navigator; Alten, with a face as black as hell, had gone to the
+wardroom. About ten minutes elapsed when I heard a fearful altercation
+going on below. I stepped down to find the young wireless operator
+trembling in front of Alten, who was overwhelming him with a flood of
+abuse. As I reached the wardroom, Alten shook his fist in the man's
+face and bellowed:
+
+"Make the d---- thing work, I tell you."
+
+"Impossible, Captain, the main condenser----" the man began.
+
+Purple with rage, Alten seized a heavy pair of parallel rulers, and
+before I could check him hurled them full in the operator's face.
+Bleeding copiously, the youth fell to the deck in a stunned condition.
+
+It was then, for the first time, that I noticed a half-empty bottle of
+spirits on the table, which colossal quantity he must have consumed in
+about a quarter of an hour.
+
+Turning to me, this semi-madman pointed to the wireless operator with
+his foot and growled:
+
+"Have him removed."
+
+This I did, and then, lowering the periscope, I ordered the boat to
+fifteen metres. We proceeded at this depth until 8 p.m., when I was
+informed that the Captain was in his bunk and wished to see me.
+
+I discovered him with his face to the ship's side, and upon my
+reporting myself he ordered me, firstly to throw that blasted bottle
+overboard (an unnecessary proceeding, as it was empty), and secondly to
+surface and shape course for Zeebrugge.
+
+At midnight he relieved me, apparently perfectly normal.
+
+The wireless operator has been laid up all day and has a nasty cut on
+the head. The navigator, a great scandal-monger, has heard from the
+engineer that Alten was speaking to him alone this morning, and the
+engineer believes that Alten has given him five hundred marks to say he
+fell down a hatch.
+
+Hooray! Blankenberg buoy has just been reported in sight! Soon I shall
+see my Zoe!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+With what high hopes did I write the last few lines a few hours ago,
+and how they were dashed to the ground, for on going into the Mess at
+Bruges I found amongst my letters a note from her, which was terrible
+in its brevity. She simply said:
+
+
+"DEAR KARL,
+
+"I am going away for some days, and as I shall be travelling it is no
+good giving you an address. To our next meeting!
+
+"ZOE."
+
+
+How horribly vague; not an indication of her destination, her object,
+or the probable length of her absence. Of course I rushed round to the
+flat, but found the place shut up. The porter told me she had gone away
+with her maid. He couldn't say when she'd be back--if at all! I gave
+him ten marks, and he said she might be away a fortnight. If I'd given
+him twenty he'd have said a week; he obviously didn't know.
+
+I feel I could do anything to-night; any mad, evil thing would appeal
+to me.
+
+There is a most fearful uproar coming from the guest-room, where a
+large and rowdy party are entertaining the chorus of a travelling
+_revue_ company. I saw them when they arrived, horribly common-looking
+women, with legs like mine tubes.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Another day and still no news; I don't know how I shall stick it. She
+might have had the softness of heart to write to me. She knows my
+address.
+
+This evening a letter from the little mother, who asks whether I can
+find time to go to Frankfurt when I have leave; at the end of the
+letter she mentions that Rosa has joined the Women's Voluntary
+Auxiliary Corps of Army Nurses. I suppose she thought she'd like her
+photograph taken in some fancy uniform as "Rosa Freinland, one of our
+Frankfurt beauties, now on war work!" Holding the patient's hand is
+about the only work she intends doing.
+
+Women as a class are the same the world over. We are well supplied with
+English papers in the Mess here; they come regularly from Amsterdam,
+and in their pages I see, just as in ours, pictures of the Countess
+this and the Lord that, photographed in becoming attitudes doing war
+work. It seems agricultural pursuits are the fashion in England at
+present--wait till our U-boat war gets its knife well into their fat
+guts, it will be more than fashionable to work in the fields then.
+
+The British Empire is undeniably a great creation, or rather not so
+much a creation as a thing arrived at accidentally, but it lacks
+solidarity. It sprawls, a confused mass of races and creeds, around the
+world. Its very immensity lays it open to attack, it has a dozen
+Achilles heels from Ireland to Egypt and South Africa to India.
+
+I met a man only yesterday who was recently at the propaganda
+department of the Foreign Office, and without going into details he
+gave me a very good idea of the good work that is going on in Britain's
+canker spots.
+
+Ireland is considered particularly promising to those in the know.
+
+Now for an agitated night! To think that a girl should disturb me so!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Two days have passed, or, rather, dragged their interminable lengths
+away, for there is still not a vestige of news. I have been twice to
+the flat with no result, except to receive a piece of impertinence from
+the porter the last time I was there.
+
+No news.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Still no news, and we sail in forty-eight hours.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea, off the Isle of Wight_.
+
+
+It is some days since I turned for solace and enjoyment, amidst the
+discomforts of this life, to my pen and notebook.
+
+What strange tricks fate plays with us, and how lucky it is that one
+cannot foresee the future.
+
+Here I am in U.39--but I must start at the beginning. My last entry was
+the depressing one of still no news. Well, I have had news, but it was
+like a drop of water in the mouth of a parched-up man. Another
+agonizing twenty-four hours passed, and I was sitting in my room about
+ten o'clock, trying to resign myself to the idea that the next night I
+should be starting out for my third trip without news of her, when the
+telephone bell rang. I lifted the receiver and to my amazed joy heard a
+voice that I could have recognized in a thousand. It was Zoe!
+
+I was quite incapable of any remark, and my confusion was further
+increased when, after a few "Hello's," which I idiotically repeated,
+her clear, level tones said: "Is that you, Karl? How are you?" How was
+I? What a question to ask! I wanted to tell her that I was bubbling
+with joy, that a thousand-kilogramme load had been lifted from my
+chest, that my blood was coursing through my veins, that I, usually so
+cool, was trembling with excitement, that I could have kissed the
+mouthpiece of the humble instrument that linked us together. Yet I was
+quite incapable of answering her simple question! I can't imagine what
+I expected her to say, for upon reflection her remark was a very
+ordinary one, and indeed under the circumstances quite natural, but, as
+I say, in actual fact I was tongue-tied.
+
+I suppose I must have said something, for I next remember her saying:
+"Well, you might ask how I am;" and to my horror I realized that she
+thought I was being rude!
+
+My abject apologies were cut short by her tantalizing laugh, and I
+understood that the adorable one was teasing me. When at length I made
+myself believe that I really was talking to this most elusive and
+delightful woman I wasted no time in suggesting that, late though it
+was, I might be permitted to go round and see her. She would not permit
+this, as she said it would create grave scandal, and the Colonel might
+hear about it upon his return. I pleaded hard and urged my departure in
+twenty-four hours.
+
+She was firm and reproved me for discussing movements over the
+telephone. She was right; I was a fool to do so; but Zoe destroys all
+my caution. However, she said that I might lunch with her next day, and
+that she had some new music to play to me. I ventured to ask where she
+had been, but this question was plainly unpleasing to my lady, so I
+dropped the subject. I blew her a goodnight kiss over the telephone, to
+which I think I caught an answer, and then she rang off.
+
+Ten minutes had not elapsed, when a messenger entered and informed me
+that I was wanted at the Commodore's office at once.
+
+A strange feeling of uneasiness and that of impending misfortune
+overcame me. I felt like a naughty school-boy about to interview the
+headmaster.
+
+I followed the messenger into the Commodore's office, and found myself
+alone with the great man. He was seated at a huge roll-top desk, which
+was the only article of furniture in a room which was to all intents
+and purposes papered with large scale charts of the east and south
+coasts of England and of the Channel and North Sea.
+
+The Commodore was sealing an envelope as I came in; he looked up and
+saw me, then, without taking any further notice of me, he resumed his
+business with the envelope. I felt that I was in the presence of a
+personality, and I was, for "Old Man Max" is one of the ten men who
+count in the Naval Administration. He had a reading lamp on his desk,
+and I remember noticing that the light shining through its green shade
+imparted a yellow parchment-like effect to the top of his old bald
+head. With dainty care he finished sealing the envelope, then, picking
+up a telephone transmitter, he snapped "Admiralty!" In about a minute
+he was connected, and to my astonishment I realized that he was talking
+to the duty captain of the operations department in Berlin.
+
+His words chilled my heart, for he said: "Commodore speaking! U.39
+sails at 2 a.m. for operation F.Q.H.--Repeat."
+
+His words were apparently repeated to his satisfaction, for while I was
+vainly endeavouring to convince myself that I was unconnected with the
+sailing of U.39, he banged the receiver into place (Old Man Max does
+everything in bangs) and snapped at me.
+
+"You Lieutenant Von Schenk?"
+
+I admitted I was, and then heard this disgusting news.
+
+"Kranz, 1st Lieutenant U.39, reported suddenly ill, Zeebrugge,
+poisoning--you relieve him. Ship sails in one hour forty minutes from
+now--my car leaves here in forty minutes and takes you to Zeebrugge.
+Here are operation orders--inform Von Weissman he acknowledges receipt
+direct to me on 'phone. That's all."
+
+He handed me the envelope and I suppose I walked outside--at least I
+found myself in the corridor turning the confounded envelope round and
+round. For one mad moment I felt like rushing in and saying: "But, sir,
+you don't understand I'm lunching with Zoe to-morrow!"
+
+Then the mental picture which this idea conjured up made me shake with
+suppressed laughter and I remembered that war was war and that I had
+only thirty-five minutes in which to collect such gear as I had
+handy--most of my sea things being in U.C.47--and say goodbye to Zoe.
+
+I ran to my room and made the corridors echo with shouts for my
+faithful Adolf. The excellent man was soon on the scene, and whilst he
+stuffed underclothing, towels and other necessary gear into a bag he
+had purloined from someone's room, I rang up Zoe. I wasted ten minutes
+getting through, but at last I heard a deliciously sleepy voice murmur,
+"Who's that?"
+
+I told her, and added that I was off; to my secret joy, an intensely
+disappointed and long-drawn "Oooh!" came over the wire. So she does
+care a bit, I thought. Mad ideas of pretending to be suddenly ill
+crossed my mind--anything to gain twenty-four hours--but the Fatherland
+is above all such considerations, and after some pleasant talk and many
+wishes of good luck from the darling girl, with a heavy heart I bade
+her good-night.
+
+The Old Man's car, which is a sixty horse-power Benz, was waiting at
+the Mess entrance, and once clear of the sentries we raced down the
+flat, well-metalled road to Zeebrugge in a very short time. The guard
+at Bruges barrier had 'phoned us through to the Zeebrugge fortified
+zone, and we were admitted without delay. In three-quarters of an hour
+from my interview with old Max I was scrambling across a row of U-boats
+to reach my new ship, U.39.
+
+I went down the after hatch, reported myself to Von Weissman and
+delivered his orders to him, of which he acknowledged receipt direct to
+the Commodore according to instructions. Von Weissman is a very
+different stamp of man to Alten; of medium height, he has
+sandy-coloured hair, steel-grey eyes and a protruding jaw. He is what
+he looks, a fine North Prussian, and is, of course, of excellent
+family, as the Weissmans have been settled in Grinetz for a long
+period.
+
+He struck me as being about thirty years of age, and on his heart he
+wore the Cross of the second class. I have heard of him before as being
+well in the running towards an _ordre pour le mérite_.
+
+An interesting chart is hanging in the wardroom, on which is marked the
+last resting-place of every ship he has sunk. He puts a coloured dot,
+the tint of which varies with the tonnage, black up to 2,000, blue from
+2,000-5,000, brown 5,000-8,000, green 8,000-11,000, and a red spot with
+the ship's name for anything over 11,000. He has got about 120,000 tons
+at present. He opposes the Arnauld de la Perrière school of thought,
+which pins faith on the gun, and Weissman has done nearly all his work
+with the good old torpedo.
+
+Altogether, undoubtedly a man to serve with.
+
+The U.39 was in that buzzing and semi-active condition which to a
+trained eye is a sure indication that the ship is about to sail.
+Punctually at five minutes to 2 a.m. Weissman went to the bridge, and
+at 2 a.m. the wires were slipped and we started on a ten days' trip. As
+the dim lights on the mole disappeared and the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam my mind travelled overland to the flat at Bruges, and I
+wondered whether Zoe was lying awake listening to the ceaseless rumble
+of the Flanders cannon. We went on at full speed, as it was our
+intention to pass the Dover Straits before dawn. Though our
+intelligence bureau issues the most alarming reports as to the
+frightfulness of the defences here I was agreeably surprised at the
+ease with which we passed. Von Weissman, to whom I had hinted that we
+might find the passage tricky, rather laughed at my suggestion, and
+described to me his method, which, at all events, has the merit of
+simplicity.
+
+He always goes through with the tide, so as to take as short a time as
+possible, and he always decides on a course and steers it as closely as
+possible, keeping to the surface unless he sights anything, and diving
+as soon as anything shows up. Even if he dives he goes on as fast as
+possible on his course, irrespective of whether he is being bombed or
+not.
+
+I must say it worked very well last night. We shaped a course to pass
+five miles west of Gris Nez, and when that light, which for some reason
+the French had commodiously lit that night, was abeam, we sighted a
+black object, probably a trawler or destroyer, about half a dozen miles
+away right ahead. Weissman immediately dived and, without deviating a
+degree from his course, held on at three-quarters speed on the motors.
+Some time later the hydrophone watchkeeper reported the sound of
+propellers in his listeners, and that he judged them to be close at
+hand, so I imagine we passed very nearly directly underneath whatever
+it was.
+
+After an hour's submerging we rose, and found dawn breaking over a
+leaden and choppy sea. Nothing being in sight, we continued on the
+surface for an hour, charging batteries with the starboard engine (500
+amps on each), but at 9 a.m., the clouds lying low and an aerial patrol
+being frequent hereabouts, we dived and cruised steadily down channel
+at slow speed, keeping periscope depth.
+
+Several times in the course of the forenoon we sighted small destroyers
+and convoy craft [1] in the distance, all steering westerly. They were
+probably returning from escorting troopships over to France last night.
+In every case we went to sixty feet long before they could have seen
+our "stick." [2] Weissman is evidently as cautious in this matter as he
+is hardy in others; the more I see of him the more I like him; he is a
+man of breeding, and it is of value to serve in this boat.
+
+[Footnote 1: Probably "P" boats.--ETIENNE.]
+
+[Footnote 2: Periscope.--ETIENNE.]
+
+As I write we are on the surface about ten miles east of the Isle of
+Wight, still steering down channel. To-night at midnight we report our
+position to Zeebrugge, up till now we have maintained wireless silence
+for fear of the British and French directional stations picking up our
+signals and fixing our position.
+
+After supper this evening Von Weissman explained to me the general plan
+of our operations for the next eight days. Our cruising billet is about
+150 miles south-west of the Scillys, at the focal point where trade for
+Liverpool and Bristol and the up-channel trade diverges. Von Weissman
+says that this is a plum billet and we should do well.
+
+I feel this is going to be better than those piffling little
+mine-laying trips, and though we shall be away ten days, it will
+qualify me for four days' leave in Belgium.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There was nearly an awkward moment last night, or, rather, there was an
+awkward moment, and nearly an awkward accident. I relieved the
+navigator at midnight (the pilot is an unassuming individual called
+Siegel) and took on the middle watch. It was blowing about force 4 from
+the south-west, and a nasty short, lumpy sea was running which caught
+us just on the port bow. About once every ten seconds she missed her
+step with the waves and, dipping her nose into it, shovelled up tons of
+water, which, as the bow lifted, raced aft and, breaking against the
+gun, flung itself in clouds of spray against the bridge. In a very few
+minutes every exposed portion of me was streaming with water.
+
+At about 2 a.m. I had turned my back to the sea for a moment, and my
+thoughts were for an instant in Bruges, when, on facing forward once
+again I saw a sight which effectually brought me back to earth.
+
+This was the spectacle of two black shapes, evidently steamers, one on
+either bow, distant, I should estimate, 600 or 700 metres. I had to
+make a quick decision, and I decided that to fire a torpedo in that sea
+with any hope of a hit, especially with the boat on surface, was
+useless; furthermore, that at any moment either of the steamers might
+sight us from their high bridge and turn and ram.
+
+These thoughts were the work of an instant, and I at once rang the
+diving bell, and, pushing the look-out before me, in five seconds I was
+in the conning tower and had the hatch down. I at once proceeded down
+into the boat, and the first thing that struck my eye was the diving
+gauge with the needle practically stationary at two metres.
+
+The boat was not going down properly! and for an instant I was rudely
+shaken, until a cool voice from the wardroom remarked, "Helm hard
+a-port," an order that was instantly obeyed, and as she began to turn
+the moving needle on the depth gauge began its journey round the dial.
+It was the Captain who had spoken. As soon as he heard the diving alarm
+he was out of his bunk, and a glance at the gauge he has fitted in the
+wardroom told him we were not sinking rapidly. In an instant he had put
+his finger on the trouble, which was that we were almost head on to the
+sea, with the result that he had given the order as stated above,
+which, bringing us beam on to the sea, had caused her to dive with
+ease. He is efficiency itself!
+
+As I explained to him what had happened, the noise of propellers at
+varying distances from us overhead led him to state his belief that we
+had run into a convoy homeward bound to Southampton from the Atlantic.
+
+He approved of my actions in every particular, save only in my omission
+to bring the boat away from the sea as I began to dive.
+
+This morning we are beginning to get the full force of what is
+evidently going to be a south-westerly gale of some violence. The seas
+are getting larger as we debouch into the Atlantic. This looks bad for
+business.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At the moment we are practically hove to on the surface, with the port
+engine just jogging to keep her head on to sea and the starboard
+ticking round to give her a long, slow charge of 200 amps.
+
+The wind is force 7-8 and a very big sea is running which makes it
+entirely impossible to open the conning tower hatch; the engine is
+getting its air through the special mushroom ventilator, which is
+apparently not designed to supply both the boat's requirements and
+those of the engine; the whole ventilator gets covered with sea every
+now and then, during which period until the baffle drains get the water
+away no air can get in, so the engine has a good suck at the air in the
+boat, the result of all this being a slight vacuum in the boat. It is a
+very unpleasant sensation, and made me very sick. This is really a form
+of sickness due to the rarefied air.
+
+I had a great surprise when I looked at the barograph this morning as
+the needle had gone right off the paper at the bottom, and at first
+glance I thought we had struck a tropical depression of the first
+magnitude, which, flouting all the laws of meteorology, had somehow
+found its way to the English Channel; but the engineer explained to me
+that, as I have already stated, the low atmospheric pressure in the
+boat was due to the conning-tower hatch being shut down.
+
+[Illustration: "As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the
+ceaseless fountain of starshells mingling with the flashing of guns,
+rose inland on our port beam."]
+
+[Illustration: "We hit her aft for the second time."]
+
+I have discovered that Von Weissman is a martyr to sea-sickness--all
+day he has been lying down as white as a sheet and subsisting on milk
+tablets and sips of brandy; yet such is the man's inflexibility of will
+that he forces himself to make a tour of inspection right round the
+boat every six hours, night and day. It is this will to conquer which
+has made Germans unconquerable, though "Come the four corners of the
+world in arms" against us, as the great poet says.
+
+We are, of course, keeping watch from inside the conning tower; it is,
+at all events, dry, but as to seeing anything one might as well be
+looking out through a small glass window from inside a breakwater! To
+bed till 4 a.m.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A most unprofitable day. I grudge every day away from Zoe on which we
+do nothing. This morning about noon the gale blew itself out, but a
+heavy confused sea continued to run.
+
+At 2 p.m. we saw a most tantalizing spectacle. A big tank steamer,
+fully 600 feet long and of probably 17,000 tons burthen hove in sight,
+escorted by two destroyers. To attack with the gun was impossible, as
+we could only keep the conning tower open when stern to sea, and in any
+case the two destroyers prevented any surface work. We tried to get in
+for an attack, but we had not seen her in time, and the best we could
+do was to get within 3,000 yards, at which range it would have been
+absurd to have wasted a torpedo, the chances of hitting being 100 to 1
+against, even if the torpedo had run properly in the sea that was on.
+
+I had a good look at her through the foremost periscope in between the
+waves, and it maddened me to see all that oil, doubtless from Tampico
+for the Grand Fleet, going safely by. The destroyers were having a bad
+time of it, crashing into the sea like porpoises, their funnels white
+with salt, and their bridges enveloped in sheets of water and spray.
+They little thought that, barely a mile away, amidst the tumbling,
+crested waves a German eye was watching them!
+
+There is no doubt these damned British have pluck, for it was the last
+sort of weather in which one would have expected to find destroyers at
+sea, and yet I suppose they do this throughout the winter.
+
+After all, one would expect them to be tough fellows--they are of
+Teutonic stock--though by their bearing one might imagine that the
+Creator made an Englishman and then Adam.
+
+Let's hope we get some decent weather to-morrow. I have just been
+refreshing my memory by reading of what I wrote in the book, concerning
+the day in the forest with the adorable girl. There is an exquisite
+pleasure in transporting the mind into such memories of the past when
+the body is in such surroundings as the present, if only I could will
+myself to dream of her!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A fine day in every sense of the word. The weather has been and remains
+excellent, and I have been present at my first sinking. It was absurdly
+commonplace. At 10 a.m. this morning a column of smoke crept upwards
+from the southern horizon.
+
+Von Weissman steered towards it on the surface until two masts and the
+top of a funnel appeared. We dived and proceeded slowly under water on
+a southerly course.
+
+Half an hour passed and Von Weissman brought the boat up to periscope
+depth and had a look. He called to me to come and see, an invitation I
+accepted with alacrity.
+
+With natural excitement I looked through the periscope and there she
+was, unconsciously ambling to her doom like a fat sheep.
+
+She was a steamer (British) of about 4,000 tons, slugging home at a
+steady ten knots, but she was destined to come to her last mooring
+place ahead of schedule time!
+
+We dipped our periscope and I went forward to the tubes. Five minutes
+elapsed and the order instrument bell rang, the pointer flicking to
+"Stand by." I personally removed the firing gear safety pin and put the
+repeat to "Ready." A breathless pause, then a slight shake and
+destruction was on its way, whilst I realized by the angle of the boat
+that Weissman was taking us down a few metres.
+
+That shows his coolness, he didn't even trouble to watch his shot.
+
+Anxiously I watch the second hand of my stop watch. Weissman had told
+me the range would be about 500 metres--30 seconds--31--32--33--has he
+missed?--34--35--3--A dull rumble comes through the water and the
+whole boat shakes. Hurra! we have hit, and the order "Surface" comes
+along the voice pipe.
+
+The cheerful voice of the blower is heard, evacuating the tanks; I run
+to the conning tower and closely follow Weissman up the ladder. At last
+I am on the bridge. There she is! What a sight!
+
+I feel that I shall never forget what she looked like, though, if all
+goes well, I shall see many another fine ship go to her grave.
+
+But she was my first; I felt the same sensation when, as a boy, I shot
+my first roe-deer in the Black Forest, one instant a living thing
+beautiful to perfection, the next my rifle spoke and a bleeding carcase
+lay beneath the fine trees. So with this ship. I am a sailor, and to
+every sailor every ship that floats has, as it were, a soul, a
+personality, an entity; to carry the analogy further, a merchant craft
+is like some fat beast of utility, an ox, a cow, or a sheep, whilst a
+warship is a lion if she is a battleship, a leopard if she is a light
+cruiser, etc.; in all cases worthy game.
+
+But War has little use for sentimentality! and in my usual wandering
+manner I see that I have meandered from the point and quite forgotten
+what she did look like.
+
+What I saw was this:
+
+I saw that the steamer had been hit forward on the starboard side. The
+upper portion of the stem piece was almost down to the water level, her
+foremost hold was obviously filling rapidly. Her stern was high out of
+water, the red ensign of England flapping impotently on the ensign
+staff. Her propeller, which was still slowly revolving, thrashed the
+water, and this heightened the impression that I was watching the
+struggles of a dying animal. The propeller was revolving in spasmodic
+jerks, due, I imagine, to the fast failing steam only forcing the
+cranks over their dead centres with an effort.
+
+A boat was being lowered with haste from the two davits abreast the
+funnel on one side, but when she was full of men and, due to the angle
+of the ship, well down by the bow, someone inboard let go the foremost
+fall or else it broke, for the bows of the boat fell downwards and half
+a dozen figures were projected in grotesque attitudes into the sea. For
+a few seconds the boat swung backwards and forwards, like a pendulum.
+
+When she came to rest, hanging vertically downwards from the stern, I
+noticed that a few men were still clinging like flies to her thwarts.
+Truly, anything is better than the Atlantic in winter. Meanwhile the
+ship had ceased to sink as far as outward signs went.
+
+I mentioned this to Von Weissman, who was at my side with a slight
+smile on his face, amused doubtless at the eagerness with which I
+watched every detail of this, to me, novel tragedy. He answered me that
+I need not worry, that she was being supported by an air lock somewhere
+forward, that the water was slowly creeping into her and her boilers
+would probably soon go.
+
+This remarkable man was absolutely correct.
+
+There was an interval of about five minutes, during which another boat,
+evidently successfully lowered from the other side, came round her
+stern, picked up one or two men from the water and also collected the
+survivors in the hanging boat; then the steamer suddenly sank another
+two feet, there was a dull rumbling, as of heavy machinery falling from
+a height, a muffled report, a cloud of steam and smoke, a sucking noise
+and then a pool in the water, in the middle of which odd bits of wood
+and other buoyant debris kept on bobbing up. Nothing else!
+
+No! I am wrong, there were two other things: a U-boat, representing the
+might of Germany, and a whaler with perhaps twenty men in it,
+representing the plight of England!
+
+As she went I felt hushed and solemn, it was an impressive moment; a
+slight chuckle came from imperturbable Weissman; he had seen too many
+go to think much of it, and he gave an order for the helm to be put
+over, so that we might approach the whaler.
+
+They were horribly overcrowded, and were engaged in trying to sort
+themselves into some sort of order. We passed by them at 50 yards and
+Weissman, seizing his megaphone, shouted in English: "Goodbye! steer
+west for America!" A cold horror gripped my heart. It was an awful
+moment. I dare not write the thoughts that entered my head.
+
+I turned away my head and faced aft, that he should not see my face;
+looking back I saw the whaler rocking dangerously in our wash, and then
+a commotion took place in her stern, from which a huge bearded man
+arose and, shaking his fist in our direction, shouted something or
+other before his companions pulled him down.
+
+Von Weissman heard and his lips narrowed in. I held my breath in
+suspense, but he evidently decided against what he had been about to
+do, for with the order, "Course north! ten knots," he went below.
+
+I remained on deck watching the rapidly receding whaler through my
+glasses until she was a mere speck--alone on the ocean, 150 miles from
+land, Then the navigator came up, and with strangely mixed feelings of
+exultant joy and depressing sorrow I went below.
+
+Von Weissman was in the wardroom. I watched him unobserved. He was
+humming a tune to himself and had just completed putting a green dot on
+the chart. This done he lay back on the settee and closed his
+eyes--strange, insoluble man!
+
+For long hours I could not forget that whaler; I see it now as I write.
+I suppose I shall get used to it all. What would Zoe say?
+
+The most wonderful thing about man is that he can stand the strain of
+his own invention of modern war!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am rather tired to-night, but must just jot down briefly what has
+taken place to-day, as there is never any time in the daylight hours.
+
+Soon after dawn, at about 8 a.m., we sighted a fair-sized steamer of
+about 3,000 tons, which we sunk, but I cannot say what she looked like,
+or whether anyone escaped, as we never came to the surface at all, Von
+Weissman sighting smoke on the western horizon just as he hit her. We
+accordingly steered in that direction. However, I think she went almost
+at once as Von Weissman put a dot (black) on the chart as we made
+towards number 3.
+
+I very much wanted to know whether there were any survivors, but I did
+not like to ask him at the time and he has been in such an infernal
+temper ever since that I haven't had a suitable opportunity.
+
+The cause of his rage was as follows:
+
+Steamer number 3 turned out to be a fine fat chap (of the Clan Line,
+Von Weissman said, when we first sighted her). We moved in to attack
+and fired our port bow tube. I waited in vain by the tubes for the
+expected explosion--nothing happened, but after a couple of minutes a
+snarl came down the voice pipe: "Surface, GUN ACTION STATIONS!"
+
+I ran aft, and found the Captain white with rage.
+
+"Missed ahead!" he said, with intense feeling, "I'll have to use that
+confounded gun."
+
+In about three minutes the Captain and myself were on the bridge and
+the crew were at their stations round the gun.
+
+For the first time I saw the ship; she was stern on and apparently
+painted with black and white stripes. As I examined her through
+glasses--she was distant about 3,000 yards--I saw a flash aboard her
+and a few seconds later a projectile moaned overhead and fell about
+6,000 yards over. So she is armed, thought I, and she has actually
+opened fire on us first.
+
+The effect of this unexpected retort on the part of the Englishman was
+to throw Weissman into a paroxysm of rage.
+
+"Why don't you fire? What the devil are you waiting for?" etc., etc.,
+were some of the remarks he flung at the gun crew.
+
+I did not consider it advisable to mention to him that they were
+probably waiting his order to fire, and also his orders for range and
+deflection, as I had imagined that, here as everywhere else, an officer
+controls the gun-fire. Apparently in this boat it is not so, as
+Weissman takes so little interest in his gun that he affects to be, or
+else actually is, ignorant of the elements of gun control.
+
+At any rate, under the lash of his tongue, the gun's crew soon got into
+action, the gun-layer taking charge. Our first shot was short, very
+considerably so, as was also the second. Meanwhile the steamer had been
+keeping up a very creditably controlled rate of fire, straddling us
+twice, but missing for deflection, as was natural considering that we
+were bows on to her.
+
+I felt thoroughly in my element listening to the significant wail of
+the enemy's shell, punctuated by the ear-splitting report of our own
+gun. Weissman, gripping the rail with both hands, and to my surprise
+ducking when one went overhead, watched the target with a fixed
+expression, but made no attempt to control our gun-fire, which was far
+from creditable, as is inevitable when it is left to the mercy of the
+inferior intellect of a seaman.
+
+However, at the tenth or eleventh round we hit her in the upper works,
+as was shown by a bright red and yellow flash near her funnel. This did
+not check her firing or speed in the least, in fact she seemed to be
+gaining on us. She also began to zigzag slightly and throw smoke bombs
+overboard, which were not so effective from her point of view as I had
+thought they would be.
+
+Matters were thus for some minutes. We had just hit her aft for the
+second time, though the shooting was so disgustingly bad that I was
+about to ask whether I might do the duties of control officer, when
+there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with moaning
+fragments. When I had recovered from my relief from finding that I was
+personally uninjured, I observed that two of the gun's crew were
+wounded and one was lying, either killed or seriously wounded, on the
+casing. We had been hit in the casing, well forward, and, as was
+subsequently proved when we dived, little material damage was caused to
+the boat.
+
+This enemy success caused a temporary cessation of fire. The two
+wounded men were cautiously making their way aft to the conning tower,
+and I called for a couple of stokers to come up and carry away the
+third, when Von Weissman suddenly gave the order to dive. The gun's
+crew at once made a rush for the conning tower, and were down the hatch
+in a trice, one of the wounded men fainting at the bottom.
+
+I was unaware as to the reason of this order to dive, and thought that
+perhaps the Captain had sighted a periscope. As I was turning to
+precede him down the conning tower hatch I distinctly saw the man lying
+by the gun lift his hand. I felt I could not leave him there, and
+instinctively cried, "He is still alive!" But Von Weissman, who was
+urging the crew to hurry down the hatch, pressed the diving alarm as
+soon as the last sailor was half in the hatch.
+
+I knew that this meant that the boat would be under in 30 to 40
+seconds, so I had no alternative but to get down the hatch as quickly
+as possible.
+
+I did so with reluctance, and I was followed by Von Weissman, who
+joined me in the upper conning tower.
+
+I forced myself not to look out of the conning tower scuttles during
+the few seconds that elapsed as the casing slowly went under, until at
+last nothing but waving green water showed at each little window. I
+feared that, if I had looked, I would have seen a wounded man, stung
+into activity by the cold touch of the Atlantic. Perhaps Von Weissman
+read my thoughts, or else he remembered my remark concerning the man,
+for he turned to me and in level tones said:
+
+"Have you any doubt that he was dead?"
+
+I hesitated a moment, and he continued:
+
+"By my direction you have no doubt. He _was_!"
+
+How brutal war is, and what a perfect exponent of the art the Captain
+proves himself to be! To me a life is a life, a particle of the thing
+divine; to him a life is a unit, and a half-maimed and probably dying
+seaman is as nothing in the scales when the safety of a U-boat is at
+stake. The seamen are numbered in their tens of thousands, the U-boats
+in their tens. The steamer had hit us once, luckily only in the casing,
+a second hit might well have punctured the pressure hull, and our fate
+in these waters would have been certain. Therefore, having summed these
+things up and balanced them in his mind, he dived and the sailor died.
+
+Once below water Von Weissman seemed more his imperturbable self, and
+unless I am mistaken he is never really happy on the surface, at least
+when in action. He is a true water mole.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A day full of interest, though once again I have had to force myself to
+absorb the horrors of War. I imagine that I am now going through the
+experiences of a new arrival on the Western Front, who feels a desire
+to shudder at the sight of every corpse.
+
+At 10 a.m. this morning we sighted the topsails of a sailing boat to
+the southwest. Closing her on the surface, we approached to within
+about 6,000 metres, when suddenly Von Weissman ordered "Gun Action
+Stations."
+
+The gun crew came tumbling up, but not quick enough to suit him, for as
+they were mustering at the gun he gave the order to dive, only,
+however, taking her down to periscope depth before instantly ordering
+surface and then "Gun Action Stations" again. This time we opened fire
+on the ship, which was a Norwegian barque and, being in the barred
+zone, liable to destruction.
+
+Von Weissman had announced overnight that at the first opportunity he
+would give "that ----- gun's crew a bellyful of practice," and he
+certainly did. As soon as the first shot was fired, she backed her
+topsails, and when our fourth shot struck her, somewhere near the foot
+of the foremast, her crew could be seen hastily abandoning their ship.
+
+This action on their part had no influence with Von Weissman, who had
+taken personal charge of the helm, and, with the engines running at
+three-quarter speed, he was zigzagging about, to make it harder for the
+gun's crew. Every now and then he flung a gibe at the crew, such as
+suggesting that they should go back to the High Seas Fleet and learn
+how to shoot.
+
+The sailing ship was soon on fire, for, considering the circumstances,
+the shooting was very fair, though had I been controlling it I could
+have confidently guaranteed better results. When she was blazing nicely
+fore and aft, Von Weissman ordered the practice to cease, and sent the
+crew below. He then ordered course south, speed ten knots, and I took
+over the watch.
+
+An hour and a half later, when the navigator gave me a spell, a black
+cloud on the northern horizon marked the funeral pyre of another of our
+victims. When I went below, the Captain had just finished playing with
+his precious old chart.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We received a message at 2 a.m. last night from Heligoland to return
+forthwith; it is now 2 a.m. and we are approaching the redoubtable
+Dover Barrage. We had no trouble coming up channel to-day, which seems
+singularly empty, at any rate in mid-channel, where we were.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We got back about three hours ago, and as I was appointed temporary to
+the boat, Von Weissman kindly allowed me to leave her and come up to
+Bruges as soon as we got into the shelters at Zeebrugge.
+
+I got up here just, in time for a late dinner. Hunger satisfied, I
+retired to my room and, needless to say, at once rang up my darling
+Zoe.
+
+By the mercy of providence she was in, but imagine my sensations when I
+heard that that accursed swine of a Colonel was also back from the
+front, and expected in at the flat at any moment, being then, she
+thought, engaged in his after dinner drinking bouts at the cavalry
+officers' club. I could only groan.
+
+A laugh at the other end stung me to furious rage, appeased in an
+instant by her soothing tones as she told me that I should be glad to
+hear that he was only up from the Somme on a four-days leave, and was
+returning next morning by the 8 a.m. troop train. Glad! I could have
+danced for joy. I breathed again.
+
+As the Colonel was expected back at any moment she thought it advisable
+to terminate the conversation, which was done with obvious reluctance
+on her part, or so I flatter myself.
+
+He goes to-morrow, so far so good, but what of the intervening period?
+
+Could any more refined torture be imagined than that I, who love her as
+I love my own soul, should have to sit here, whilst scarcely a mile
+away, probably at this very moment as I write, that gross brute is
+privileged to kiss her, to look at her, to--oh! it's unbearable. When I
+think of that hog, for though I've never seen him, I've seen his
+photograph, and I know instinctively that he _is_ gross, fresh, as she
+says, from a drinking bout, should at this moment be permitted to raise
+his pigs' eyes and look into those glorious wells of violet light; when
+I think that his is the privilege to see those masses of black hair
+fall in uncontrolled splendour, then I understand to the full the deep
+pleasures of murder.
+
+I would give anything to destroy this man, and could shake the
+Englishman by the hand who fires the delivering bullet!
+
+Steady! Steady! What do I write? No! I mean it, every word of it. Yet
+of all the mysteries, and to me Zoe is a mass of them, surely the
+strangest of all is contained in the question: Why does she live with
+him?
+
+She doesn't love him, she's practically told me so. In fact, I know she
+doesn't. Let me reason it out by logic. She lives with him, whether
+voluntarily or involuntarily. Suppose it be voluntarily, then her
+reasons must be (a) Love; (b) Fascination; (c) Some secret reason. If
+she is living with him involuntarily it must be: (d) He has a hold on
+her; (e) For financial reasons.
+
+I strike out at once (a) and (e), for in the case of (e) she knows well
+that I would provide for her, and (a) I refuse to admit, (b) is hardly
+credible--I eliminate that. I am left with (c) and (d) which might be
+the same thing. But what hold can he have on her; she can't have a
+past, she is too young and sweet for that.
+
+I must find out about this before I go to sea again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Three days ago, I was racking my brains for the solution of a problem,
+and, as I see from what I wrote, I was somewhat outside myself. In the
+interval things have taken an amazing turn. I am still bewildered--but
+I must put it all down from the beginning.
+
+The Colonel left as she said he would, and I went round to lunch with
+her.
+
+We had a delightful _tête-à-tête_, and after lunch she played the
+piano. I was feeling in splendid voice and she accompanied me to
+perfection in Tchaikowsky's "To the Forest," always a favourite of
+mine. As the last chords died away, Zoe jumped up from the piano and,
+with eyes dancing with excitement, placed her hands on my shoulders and
+exclaimed:
+
+"Karl! I have an idea! I shall make a prisoner of you for two or three
+days."
+
+I laughed heartily and almost told her that she had already made me a
+prisoner for life, only I can never get those sort of remarks out quick
+enough.
+
+But when she said, "No! I am not joking, I mean it," I felt there was
+more meaning in her sentence than I had at first thought. I begged to
+be enlightened, and she then unfolded her scheme.
+
+She told me for the first time, that in a forest not far from Bruges
+she had a little summer-house, to which she used to retreat for
+week-ends in the hot weather when the Colonel was away. He knew nothing
+of this country house (she was very insistent on that point), so I
+imagined she paid for it out of her dress allowance or in some other
+way. The idea that had just struck her was that she had a sudden fancy
+to go and spend two days there, and I was to go with her.
+
+I was ready to go to Africa with her if my leave permitted, and it so
+happened that I was due for four days' overseas leave (limited to
+Belgian territory) so that this fitted in very well, and I told her so.
+
+She was delighted, then, with one of those quick intuitions which women
+are so clever at, she read the half-formed thought in my mind, and
+said: "You mustn't think it's not going to be conventional; old Babette
+will be with us to chaperon me." Old Babette is an aged female whom she
+calls her maid. I think she is jealous of me.
+
+I agreed at once that of course I quite understood it was to be highly
+conventional, etc., though I smiled to myself as I visualized my
+mother's shocked face and uplifted hands had she heard my Zoe's ideas
+on the conventions.
+
+I was trying to fathom what was at the bottom of it all when she
+remarked: "Of course, as my prisoner you will have to obey all my
+orders."
+
+I replied that this was certainly so.
+
+"And one of the first things," she continued, "that happens to a
+prisoner when he goes through the enemy lines is that he is
+blindfolded, and in the same way I shan't let you know where you are
+going."
+
+Seeing a doubtful look in my eyes as I endeavoured to keep pace with
+the underlying idea, if any, of this truly feminine fancy, she suddenly
+came up to me and, lifting her eyes to mine, murmured: "Don't you trust
+me?"
+
+In a moment my passion flared up, and rained hot kisses on her face as
+she struggled to release herself from my arms.
+
+When I left that night after dinner, and, walking on air, returned to
+the Mess, it was arranged that I should be at her flat with my
+suit-case at 6 p.m. the next evening, prepared, to use her own words,
+"to disappear with me for 48 hours."
+
+She had told me of an address in Bruges which she said would forward on
+any telegram if I was recalled, and I had to be satisfied with that,
+for I may as well say here that I never discovered where I went to, and
+I don't know to this moment in what part of Belgium I spent the last
+two nights.
+
+I tried to find out at first, but as she obviously attached some
+importance to keeping the locality of her woodland retreat a secret,
+probably to circumvent the Colonel, I soon gave up trying to get the
+secret from her, and contented myself with taking things as they came.
+
+To go on with my account of what happened--which was really so
+remarkable that I propose writing it out in detail to the best of my
+memory--at 6 p.m. next day I was naturally at her flat feeling very
+much as if I was on the threshold of an adventure.
+
+Zoe was excited and the flat was in a turmoil, as apparently she had
+only just begun to pack her dressing-case.
+
+Soon after six we went down and got into a large Mercédès car which I
+had noticed standing outside when I arrived. We were soon on our way,
+and left Bruges by the Eastern barrier; we showed our passes and
+proceeded into the darkened country-side. We had been running for about
+a mile when she remarked, "Prisoners will now be blindfolded!" and, to
+my astonishment, slipped a little black silk bag over my head.
+
+I was so startled I didn't know whether to be angry, or to laugh, or
+what to do. Eventually I did nothing, and, entering into the spirit of
+the game, declared that even a wretched prisoner had the right not to
+be stifled, whereupon she lifted the lower portion of the bag and
+uncovered my mouth. Shortly afterwards I was electrified to feel a pair
+of soft lips meet mine, a sensation which was repeated at frequent
+intervals, and, as I whispered in her ear, under these conditions I was
+prepared to be taken prisoner into the jaws of hell.
+
+This pleasant journey had lasted for about three-quarters of an hour
+when my mask was removed and I was informed that I was "inside the
+enemy lines!" Through the windows of the car I could dimly see that an
+apparently endless mass of fir trees were rushing past on each side.
+This state of affairs continued for a kilometre or so, when we branched
+to the right and soon entered a large clearing in the forest, at one
+side of which stood the house. Babette, Zoe and myself entered the
+building, and the car disappeared, presumably back to Bruges.
+
+The house, built of logs, was of two stories; on the ground floor were
+two living rooms, and the domains of Babette, who amongst her other
+accomplishments turned out to be not only a most capable valet, but a
+first-class cook. On the second story there were two large rooms. The
+whole house was furnished after the manner of a hunting lodge, with
+stags' heads on the walls, and skins on the floors. In the drawing-room
+there was a piano and a few etchings of the wild boar by Schaffein.
+
+I dressed for dinner in my "smoking," though under ordinary
+circumstances I should have considered this rather formal, but I was
+glad I did, for she appeared in full evening _tenue_. She wore a violet
+gown, and across her forehead a black satin bandeau with a Z in
+diamonds upon it. It must have cost two thousand marks, and I wondered
+with a dull kind of jealousy whether the Colonel had given it to her.
+
+I cannot remember of what we talked during dinner. We have a hundred
+subjects in common, and we look at so many aspects of the world through
+the same pair of eyes; I only know that when I have been talking to her
+for a period--there is no exact measurement of time for me when I am
+with her--I leave her presence feeling "completed." I feel that a sort
+of gap within my being has been filled, that a spiritual hunger has
+been satisfied, that I have got something which I wanted, but for which
+I could not have formulated the desire in words. I had resolved that on
+this first night I would bring matters between us to a head and end
+this delicious but intolerable uncertainty as to how we stood; yet,
+when old Babette had served us with coffee in the drawing-room, as I
+call the second living-room, and we were alone together, I could not
+bring up the subject. Partly because I think she prevented me so doing
+by that skilful shepherding of the conversation into other paths with
+an artfulness with which God endows all women, and also partly because
+I could not screw myself up to the pitch. I could not, or rather would
+not, put my fate to the touch. I had a presentiment that in reaching
+for the summit I might fall from the slope. Alas! how true was this
+foreboding in some senses--but I will keep all things in their right
+order.
+
+[Illustration: "_The track met our ram_."]
+
+[Illustration: In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower]
+
+Let it only be recorded that when she kissed me good-night (with the
+tenderness of a mother) and left me to smoke a final cigar I had said
+nothing, and I could only wonder at the strange fate that had placed me
+practically alone with a girl whom I had grown to love with a deep
+emotion, and who appeared to love me, yet often behaved as if I was her
+brother.
+
+The next day we were like two children. The snow was deep on the
+ground, and the fir trees stood like thousands of sentinels in grey
+uniform round the clearing. Once during the afternoon, as with Zoe's
+assistance I was furiously chopping wood for the fire, a droning noise
+made me look up, and thousands of metres overhead a small squadron of
+aeroplanes, evidently bound for the Western Front, sailed slowly across
+the sky. I thought how awkward it would be for them if they experienced
+an engine failure whilst over the forest, though they were up so high
+that I imagine they could have glided ten kilometres, and as I think
+(but I am not certain, and I have pledged myself not to try and find
+out) we were in the Forest of Montellan, which is barely fifteen
+kilometres broad, I suppose they could have fallen clear of the trees.
+
+As a matter of fact I imagine they would have used our clearing--I'm
+glad they didn't.
+
+That night after dinner she played to me, first Beethoven and then
+Chopin. I can see her as I write; she had just finished the 14th
+Prelude and, resting her chin on her hand, she smiled mysteriously at
+me.
+
+The hour had come, and, driven by strong impulses, I spoke. I told her
+that I loved her as I had never thought that a man could love a woman;
+I told her that I longed to shield her and protect her, and above all
+things to remove her from the clutches of that bestial Colonel, and as
+I bent over her and felt my senses swim in the subtleties of her
+perfume, I begged her passionately to say the word that would give me
+the right to fight the world on her behalf.
+
+When I had finished she was silent for a long while, and I can remember
+distinctly that I wondered whether she could hear the thump! thump!
+thump! of my heart, which to my agitated mind seemed to beat with the
+strength of a hammer.
+
+At length she spoke; two words came slowly from her lips:
+
+"I cannot."
+
+I was not discouraged. I could see, I could feel, that a tremendous
+struggle was raging, the outward signs of which were concealed by her
+averted head.
+
+At length I asked her point-blank whether she loved me. Her silence
+gave me my answer, and I took her unresisting body into my arms and
+kissed her to distraction. Oh! these kisses, how bitter they seem to me
+now, and yet how I long to hold her once again. For, freeing herself
+from my embrace and speaking almost mechanically, she said:
+
+"Karl! I must tell you. I cannot marry you."
+
+I pleaded, I prayed, I argued, I demanded. It was in vain; I always
+came up against the immovable "I cannot."
+
+And then I crashed over the precipice towards whose edge I had been
+blindly going. I had said for the hundredth time, "But you know you
+love me," when with a sob she abandoned all reserve, and, flinging her
+arms round my neck, implored me to take her. Then, as I caught my
+breath, she quickly said, as if frightened that she had gone too far,
+"But I cannot marry you."
+
+I looked down into those beautiful eyes, and for the first time I
+understood. For perhaps ten seconds I battled for my soul and the
+purity of our love; then, tearing my sight from those eyes which would
+lure an archangel to destruction, I was once more master of my body. As
+my resolution grew, I hated her for doing this thing that had wrecked
+in an instant the hopes of months, the ideals on which I had begun to
+build afresh my life.
+
+She felt the change, and left me.
+
+As she went out by the door she gave me one last look, a look in which
+love struggled with shame, a look which no man has ever earned the
+right to receive from any woman.
+
+But I was as a statue of marble, dazed by this calamity.
+
+As the door closed upon her, I started forward--it was too late.
+
+Had she waited another instant--but there, I write of what has happened
+and not what might have been.
+
+I did not sleep that night, until the dawn began to separate each fir
+tree from the black mass of the forest. Twice in the night, with shame
+I confess it, I opened my door and looked down the little passage-way;
+and twice I closed the door and threw myself upon my bed in an agony of
+torment. It was ten o'clock when a knock at the door aroused me, and
+the sunlight through the window-pane was tracing patterns on the floor.
+
+There was a note on the breakfast table, but before I opened it I knew
+that, save for Babette, I was alone in the house.
+
+The note was brief, unaddressed and unsigned. I have it here before me;
+I have meant to tear it up but I cannot. It is a weakness to keep it,
+but I have lost so much in the last few days, that I will not grudge
+myself some small relic of what has been. The note says:
+
+"I am leaving for Bruges at half-past eight, when the car was ordered
+to fetch us back. I go alone. Babette will give you breakfast. The car
+will return for you at eleven o'clock. I rely on your honour in that
+you will not observe where you have been. Come to me when you want
+me--till then, farewell."
+
+It was as she said, and I honourably acceded to her request. This
+afternoon just before lunch I arrived in Bruges, and since tea-time I
+have tried to write down what has happened since I left the day before
+yesterday. Oh! how could she do it, how can it be possible that she is
+a woman like that? I could have sworn that she was not like this--and
+yet how can I account for her life with the Colonel? There must be some
+reason, but in Heaven's name, what?
+
+Meanwhile I am to go to her when I want her! And that will be when I
+can give her my name. But oh! Zoe, I want you now, so badly, oh! so
+badly!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I saw her once to-day in the gardens, walking by herself.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have told Max's secretary that I want to get to sea; to be here in
+Bruges and not to see her is more than I can bear.
+
+I sail at dawn to-morrow. Shall I see her? No, it is best not.
+
+A frightful noise over the New Year celebrations to-night. Champagne
+flowing like water in the Mess. I feel the year 1917 opens badly for
+me.
+
+Weissman also went to sea again for a short trip in the Channel, and
+has not reported for five days. Perhaps he has despised the Dover
+Barrage once too often. If this is so, it is a great loss to the
+service: he was a man of iron resolution in underwater attack.
+
+I feel I ought to despise Zoe, but I can't. I love her too much; after
+all, am I not perhaps encasing myself in the robe of a Pharisee?
+
+She offered me all she had, save only the one thing I asked, without
+which I will take nothing. I cannot reconcile her behaviour with her
+character; why can't she trust me? why can't she be frank with me? I
+will not believe she is that sort.
+
+I feel I cannot go out again without a _sign_--I may not return, and I
+will not leave her, perhaps for ever, with this bitterness between us.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+At sea in U.C.47 again. Alten as surly as ever.
+
+I decided finally to write to Zoe, but found it difficult to know what
+to say. Eventually I said more than I had intended. I told her frankly
+that I experienced a shock, but that I had not meant to seem so cold,
+and that what I had done had been done for both our sakes. I told her
+that I still loved her, and I implored her once more to leave the
+Colonel and come to me as my wife.
+
+Already I long to know what message awaits me on my return.
+
+This will not be for three days. We left at dawn this morning to lay
+mines off the channel to Harwich harbour; a nest from which submarines,
+cruisers and destroyers buzz in and out like wasps. It will be ticklish
+work.
+
+
+
+
+_On the bottom_.
+
+
+Our mines are still with us, but so are our lives, which is something.
+
+We were approaching the appointed spot at 6 a.m. this morning, when
+without the slightest warning the track of a torpedo was seen streaking
+towards us about 50 yards on the starboard bow.
+
+Before Alten (who was on the bridge with me) could do more than press
+the diving alarm, the track met our ram. I breathed again, and was then
+reminded by an oath from Alten that the boat was diving.
+
+It was evident that we had only been saved by the torpedo running deep
+under the cut-away part of our bow, otherwise!--well, the tangle of my
+affairs would have been easily straightened.
+
+Further procedure on the surface was suicidal, and we kept hydrophone
+patrol, twice hearing the motors of the enemy submarine. At the moment
+we are on the bottom waiting to come up and charge to-night, and lay
+our mines at dawn to-morrow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+On the bottom in 28 metres and feeling none too comfortable, as there
+would appear to be about a dozen destroyers overhead.
+
+Last night, or rather early this morning, I participated in one of the
+most extraordinary incidents that I have ever heard of.
+
+It was pitch-black dark when I took over at 4 a.m., and a fresh breeze
+had raised a lumpy sea, which covered the bridge with spray. We were
+charging 400 amps on each, with the intention of laying one mine
+directly there was sufficient light to get a fix from some of the buoys
+which the English stick down all over the place here in the most
+convenient manner possible. If only one could believe they never
+shifted them. Alten says it never occurs to an Englishman to do a thing
+like that, but I'm not so sure. However, we were proceeding along at
+about five knots, crashing into the sea rather badly, when out of the
+black beastliness of the night I saw a shape close aboard on the port
+hand.
+
+As I hesitated for a second as to my course of action, I was astounded
+to see a large submarine which must have been British, on an opposite
+course, not more than 25 metres away!
+
+This sounds absurd, but it really wasn't further. I'm not ashamed to
+confess that I was completely disorganized; it did not seem possible
+that the enemy was literally alongside me.
+
+I don't know how it struck the officer in the British boat, but I must
+give him credit for doing something first, for he fired a Very's white
+light straight at me as the two boats passed. It impinged on the hull,
+and in the flash I caught a photographic glimpse of his conning tower,
+on which was painted the letter E, followed by two numbers, of which
+one was a two I think, and the other a nine.
+
+By this time he was on my port quarter and rapidly disappearing; in a
+frenzy of rage I managed to get my revolver out, and whilst with the
+left hand I pressed the diving alarm, with the right hand I emptied the
+magazine in his direction. When we were down, Alten practically
+refused to believe me, which made me very pleased that in descending I
+had trod on a pair of hands which turned out to be his, as he had
+started up the ladder to the upper conning tower when he first heard
+the alarm.
+
+I presume our opponent dived as well, but evidently he had put two and
+two together and used his aerial at some period, for when at dawn we
+poked a periscope up, a flotilla of destroyers appeared to be looking
+for something, which "something" was us, unless I am much mistaken; so
+we bottomed, where we have been ever since. The Hydroplane Operator
+keeps up a monotonous sing-song to the effect that "Fast running
+propellers are either receding or approaching." The crew are collected
+round the mine-tubes as I write, and are singing a lugubrious song, the
+refrain of which runs:
+
+  "Death for the Fatherland! Glorious fate,
+  This is the end that we gladly await."
+
+Why will the seamen always become morbid when possible? And there is
+not a man amongst them who is not inwardly thinking of some beer-hall
+in Bruges, though I suppose that like their betters they have their
+romances of a tenderer kind.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The boat has been rolling about on the bottom in the most sickening
+manner the whole afternoon. We flooded P and Q to capacity, which gave
+her 50 tons negative, but it seems to have little effect in steadying
+her, and it is evident that a really heavy gale is running on top.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Surfaced at 10 p.m.; a very heavy sea running and impossible to do much
+more than heave to. This weather has one point in its favour and that
+is that the destroyers are driven in.
+
+It got steadily worse all night, and at midnight we lost our foremost
+wireless mast overboard; we have now (10 a.m.) been 48 hours without
+communication. At dawn we could see nothing to fix by; not a buoy in
+sight, nothing but an expanse of foam-topped short steep waves of dirty
+neutral-tinted water; how different to the great green and white surges
+of the broad Atlantic.
+
+Under these circumstances Alten decided to risk it and return without
+laying our mines; for once in a way I agreed with him, as it is better
+not to lay a minefield at all than dump one down in some unknown
+position which one may have to traverse oneself in the course of a
+month or so. We are now slowly, very slowly, struggling back to
+Zeebrugge.
+
+A green sea came down the conning tower to-day, and everything in the
+boat is damp and smelly and beastly. The propellers race at frequent
+intervals and the whole boat shudders--I feel miserable.
+
+Alten has started to drink spirits; he began as soon as we decided to
+go back. He will be incapable by to-night, and it means that I shall
+have to take her in.
+
+What hell this is, sitting in sodden clothes, with the stench of four
+days' living assaulting the nostrils, and a motion of the devil; the
+glass is very low and is slowly rising, so that I suppose it will blow
+harder soon, though it is about force eight at present.
+
+I wonder what Zoe will have written in reply to my note. When I think
+of what I rejected and compare it with my beast-like existence here, I
+can hardly believe that I behaved as I did--what would I not give now
+to be transported back to the forest! At this rate of progress we shall
+take another 24 hours. I wonder if I can knock another half-knot out of
+her without smashing her up.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The extraordinarily violent motion has upset the _Anschutz_. [1] The
+bearing cone of the stabilizing gyro has cracked, and the master
+compass began to wander off in circles. I was just resting for an hour
+or two, wedged up on a wet settee with coats equally wet, when her
+heavy pitching changed to a wallowing roll, and I heard the pilot, who
+was on watch, cursing down the voice-pipe, as we had sagged off our
+course.
+
+[Footnote 1: Gyroscopic compass.--ETIENNE.]
+
+I heard the voice of the helmsman querulously maintain that he was
+steering his course by _Anschutz_, so I got up and gingerly clawed my
+way into the control room, where I found by comparing _Anschutz_ with
+magnetic that the former had gone to hell, the reason being obvious, as
+the stabilizer was exerting a strongly biased torque. I stopped the
+_Anschutz_ and asked the pilot to give the helmsman a steady by
+magnetic.
+
+As we staggered back to our course I heard a thud in the wardroom, and
+on returning to my settee found that Alten had rolled out of his bunk,
+where he was lying in a drunken stupor, and that he was face downwards,
+sprawling on the deck, half his face in the broken half of a dirty dish
+which had fallen off the table whilst I was having tea. As I couldn't
+let the crew see him like this, I was obliged to struggle and get him
+back into his bunk. He was like a log and absolutely incapable of
+rendering me any assistance, though he did open his eyes and mutter
+once or twice as I lifted him up, trunk first and then his legs. He
+stank of spirits and I hated touching him. Lord! what a truly hoggish
+man he is; yet I cannot help envying him his oblivion to these
+surroundings.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+Arrived in, this afternoon.
+
+
+Alten quite slept off his drink, and was offensively sarcastic as I
+worked on the forepart with wires, getting her into the shelters
+alongside the mole.
+
+I hastened up to Bruges, and in the Mess heard several items of news
+and found two letters. The first, in a well-known handwriting, I opened
+eagerly, but received a chill of disappointment when I read its single
+line.
+
+"I am here when you want me.--Z."
+
+So she thinks to break my resolution!
+
+No! I am stronger than she, and, now that I know she loves me, I can
+and will bend her to my will. Even now, at this distance of time, I can
+hardly understand my conduct the other day. I must have been given the
+strength of ten. I feel that I could not do it again; had she hesitated
+a second longer at the door--well, I can hardly say what I would have
+done.
+
+It is my duty to do so, for her sake and my own. But I know my
+weakness, and in this fact lies my strength. Cost what it may, I shall
+not permit myself to go near her until she yields.
+
+The second letter gave me a great surprise. It was from Rosa. She has
+passed some examination, and is coming _here_ of all places as a Red
+Cross nurse. She says she is looking forward to going round a U-boat!
+She assumes a good deal, I must say, still, I suppose I must be polite
+to her; but why the deuce does she sign herself "Yours, Rosa?" She's
+not mine, and I don't want her; it seems funny to me that I once
+thought of her vaguely in that sort of way. Now, I feel rather
+disturbed that she is coming here, though I don't quite see why I
+should worry, and yet I wonder if it is a coincidence her coming to
+Bruges?
+
+I'm almost inclined to think it isn't. After all, every girl wants to
+get married, and without conceit my family, circumstances and, in the
+privacy of the pages of this journal I may add, my personal
+appearances, are such as would appeal to most girls--except Zoe,
+apparently!
+
+I'll have to be on my guard against Miss Rosa.
+
+I heard to-day that I am likely to be appointed to the periscope school
+in a few weeks' time, and meanwhile I am to be attached as
+supernumerary to the operations division on old Max's staff.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The work here is most interesting. I feel glad that I am one of the
+spiders weaving the web for Britain's destruction.
+
+The impasse with Zoe still continues, and my peace of mind has been
+still further disturbed by the actual arrival of Rosa. She rang me up
+within twelve hours of her arrival, and, of course, I was obliged to
+call. That was the day before yesterday. Rosa is at the No. 3 Hospital
+here, and was horribly effusive. Some people would, I suppose, call her
+good-looking, but to me, with my mind's-eye in perpetual contemplation
+of my darling Zoe, Rosa looked like a turnip. Her first movement after
+the preliminary greetings was to offer me a cigarette! I then noticed
+that her fingers were stained with nicotine, unpleasant in a man,
+disgusting in a woman.
+
+Her nose was shiny and greasy--horrible. After a little talk she
+volunteered the statement that yesterday was her afternoon off, and she
+was simply longing to have tea in the gardens.
+
+I endeavoured to make some feeble excuse on the grounds of the weather
+being unsuitable, but I am no good at these social lies, and I was
+eventually obliged to promise to take her there. I was the more annoyed
+in that her main object was obviously to be seen walking with a U-boat
+officer.
+
+Accordingly, yesterday, I found myself walking about with her at my
+side. My feelings can better be imagined than described when I suddenly
+saw Zoe, accompanied by Babette, in the distance. I hastily altered
+course, and pray she didn't see me.
+
+In the course of the afternoon Rosa had the impertinence to say that at
+Frankfurt they were saying that I was interested in a beautiful widow
+at Bruges, and could she (Rosa) write and say I was heart-whole, or
+else what the girl was like. I'm afraid that I lost my temper a little,
+and I told Rosa she could write to all the busybodies at home and tell
+them from me to go to the devil.
+
+These women in the home circle, and especially aunts, are always the
+same; firstly, they badger one to get married, and then if they think
+one is contemplating such a step they are all agog to find out whether
+she is suitable!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Three more boats, two of which are U.C.'s, are overdue. It is
+distinctly unpleasant not knowing how or where they go, though the U.B.
+boat (Friederich Althofen) made her incoming position the day before
+yesterday as off Dungeness, so it looks as if the barrage at Dover
+which got Weissman has got Althofen as well. I wonder what new devilry
+they have put down there.
+
+How one wishes that in 1914, instead of seeking the capture of Paris,
+we had realized the importance of the Channel Ports to England, and
+struck for them!
+
+It would not have been necessary to strike even in September, 1914. We
+could have walked into them. Dunkirk, at all events, should have been
+ours; however, we must do the best with things as they are, not that I
+would consider it too late even now to make a big push for the French
+coast.
+
+It would seem, as a matter of fact, that all the pushing is to be at
+the other end of the line, in the Verdun sector, from the rumours I
+hear, though I should have thought once bitten twice shy in that
+quarter.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Saw Zoe again in the distance, and I think she saw me; at all events
+she turned round and walked away.
+
+This girl whom I cannot, and would not if I could, obliterate from my
+thoughts, is causing me much worry.
+
+She shows no sign of giving in, and I for one intend to be adamant. I
+shall defeat her in time. The male intellect is always ultimately
+victorious, other things being equal. I was reading Schopenhauer on the
+subject last night. What a brain that man had, though I confess his
+analysis of the female mentality is so terribly and truthfully cruel
+that it jars on certain of my feelings.
+
+Zoe's resolution in this conflict, this sex war one might call it, only
+adds to her charm in my eyes; she is, I feel, a worthy mate for me,
+both intellectually and physically, and she shall be mine--I have
+decided it.
+
+Met Rosa to-day at old Max's house, where I went to pay a duty call.
+
+Her Excellency is as forbidding a specimen of her sex as any I have
+ever met. She quite frightened me, and in the home circle the old man
+seemed quite subdued.
+
+I escorted Rosa home, and on the way to her hospital she gave me a
+great surprise, as after much evasive talk she suddenly came out with
+the news that she was engaged to Heinrich Baumer, of U.C.23. I was
+quite taken aback, and will frankly confess that not so very long ago I
+imagined, evidently erroneously, that she was disposed to let her
+affections become engaged in another quarter. However, I was really
+very glad to hear this news, and congratulated her with genuine
+feeling.
+
+The knowledge that she was a promised woman quite altered my feelings
+towards her, and before I quite meant to, I had told her a considerable
+amount about Zoe. It gave me much relief to be able to unburden myself,
+and confide my difficulties elsewhere than in the pages of this
+journal.
+
+I have asked the girl to tea to-morrow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A vile air raid last night. British machines, of course. They seemed
+determined to get over the town, and from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. relays of
+machines (of which not _one_ was shot down) attacked us. The din was
+tremendous, and all sleep was out of the question.
+
+Morning revealed surprisingly little damage, as is often the case in
+these big raids, whereas a few bombs from a chance machine often work
+havoc. I was down at 50 B.C. aerodrome this morning, and heard that as
+soon as the moon suits we are going to make Dunkirk sit up as
+retaliation for last night's efforts. There were also rumours of big
+attacks impending on London as soon as the new type of Gothas are
+delivered. That will shake the smug security of those cursed islanders.
+
+Rosa came to tea, and afterwards I told her more about Zoe, and as I
+expect any day to be appointed to the periscope school at Kiel, I asked
+Rosa to try and effect an introduction to Zoe, and do what she could
+for me. Rosa gave me the impression that she was somewhat surprised
+that I should have had any difficulty with Zoe (of course I had not
+told her of the shooting-box scene). Rosa evidently thinks any woman
+ought to be honoured....
+
+Perhaps I was not so far wrong in my surmises as to Rosa's previous
+inclinations--I wonder; at any rate she will undoubtedly make Baumer a
+good wife, and she will probably be very fruitful and grow still fatter
+and housewifely. She is of a type of woman appointed by God in his
+foresight as breeders. Zoe, my adorable one, will probably not take
+kindly to babies.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am ordered to report myself at Kiel by next Monday.
+
+I am terribly tempted to ring up Zoe on the telephone before I leave:
+it seems dreadful to leave her without a word; but at the same time I
+feel that she would interpret this as a sign of weakness on my part--as
+indeed it would be. I must be firm, for strength of mind pays with
+women, even more than with men.
+
+
+
+
+_At Kiel_.
+
+
+I left Bruges without a word either to or from my obstinate darling.
+
+It is torture being away from her. I had thought that when I was here
+and not exposed to the temptation of going round and seeing her, that
+it would be easier; it is not. I long to write, and how I wonder
+whether she is feeling it as I do.
+
+I have read somewhere that a woman's passion once aroused is more
+ungovernable than a man's. That her whole being cries aloud for me
+cannot be doubted, and if the above statement is true what
+inflexibility of will she must be showing--it almost makes me fear--but
+no, I will defeat her in this strange contest, and she shall be my
+wife.
+
+The work here is strenuous, and the grass does not grow under one's
+feet. The course for commanding officers lasts four weeks, and
+terminates in an exceedingly practical but rather fearsome test--i.e.,
+they have six steamers here camouflaged after the English fashion with
+dazzle painting, and these six steamers, protected by launches and
+harbour defence craft, steam across Kiel Bay in the manner of a convoy.
+The officer being examined has to attack this group of ships in one of
+the instructional submarines, and in three attacks he must score at
+least two hits, or else, in theory, he is returned to general service
+in the Fleet.
+
+Fortunately at the moment I hear that owing to recent losses they are
+distinctly on the short side where submarine officers are concerned, so
+they'll probably make it easy when I do my test.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I see I have written nothing here for a fortnight; this is due to two
+causes: Firstly, I have been so extraordinarily busy, and, secondly, I
+have been most depressed through a letter I received from Fritz. It
+contained two items of bad news.
+
+In the first place, I heard for the first time of the tragedy of
+Heinrich Baumer's boat, and to my astonishment Fritz tells me that Rosa
+and another girl were in her when she was lost!
+
+It appears that she was to go out for a couple of hours' diving off the
+port as a matter of routine after her two months' overhaul. She went
+out at 10 a.m., and was sighted from the signal station at the end of
+the mole at 11.30, when almost immediately afterwards there was an
+explosion and she disappeared. Motor-boats were quickly on the scene,
+but only debris came to the surface. Divers were sent down, and
+reported that she was in ten metres of water completely shattered. It
+is assumed, for lack of other explanation, that she struck a chance
+drifting mine which was moving down the coast on the tide.
+
+Meanwhile Rosa and another sister were missing from the hospital, and
+after forty-eight hours someone put two and two together and started
+investigations. It has been ascertained that Baumer motored down from
+Bruges after breakfast, and that in the car were two figures taken to
+be sailors, as they were muffled up in oilskins. This fact was noted by
+the control sentries, as, though the day was showery, it was not
+raining hard. Other scraps of evidence unite in showing that these were
+the two girls who had apparently induced Baumer to take them out for a
+dive as a treat.
+
+What a tragedy! However, it must have been quite instantaneous. Poor
+Rosa, with all her vanities about war work, to think that the war would
+claim her like that! [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: It is known that a boat with women on board was lost
+whilst exercising off Zeebrugge in the Spring of 1917. This would
+appear to be the boat in question.--ETIENNE.]
+
+Fritz added that old Max is almost off his head with rage over the
+whole business, and it is difficult to say whether he is more angry
+over Baumer and the boat being lost, or over the fact that Baumer being
+dead he is unable to administer those "disciplinary actions" in which
+he delights.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Great excitement here, as the day after to-morrow His Imperial Majesty
+the Kaiser and Hindenburg are due to pay Kiel a surprise visit. We are
+to be inspected and addressed. Tremendous preparations are going on.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+His Majesty, accompanied by the great Field-Marshal, inspected us this
+morning, and made a fine speech, of which we have been given printed
+copies. I shall frame mine and hang it in my boat, if I get a command.
+
+I transcribe it:
+
+"Officers and men of the U-boat service:
+
+"In the midst of the anxious moments in which we live I have determined
+to make time to come and witness in my own person the labours of those
+on whom I and the Fatherland rely. Fresh from the great battles on the
+West which are gnawing at the vitals of our hereditary enemies, I come
+to those whose glorious mission it will be to strike relentlessly at
+our most deadly and cunning enemy--cursed Britain. God is on our side
+and will protect you at sea for, in the striking at the nation which
+openly boasts that it aims at starving our women and children, you are
+engaged on a mission of undoubted holiness.
+
+"You must sink and destroy even as of old the Israelites smote and
+destroyed the alien races.
+
+"To the officers I would particularly say, my person is your honour,
+and I am your supreme chief. From my hands you will receive honour, and
+from my hands will proceed just punishment for the unhappy ones who
+fail in their duty.
+
+"To the men I would say, trust and obey your officers as you would your
+God. Officers and men! In you, your Kaiser and Fatherland place their
+trust--let neither be disappointed!"
+
+After his address, His Majesty graciously spoke a few words to
+individuals, of whom I had the signal honour of being one. I felt that
+I was in the presence of an Emperor. His gestures, his eyes, his voice,
+impressed me as belonging to a man born to command and to fill high
+places. The Field-Marshal never opened his mouth. I understand from his
+A.D.C. that he rarely speaks in public.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Colonel is KILLED! When I think about it, I am so excited I can
+hardly write!
+
+I heard the great news last night, quite by accident. I was sitting in
+the Mess after dinner, and picked up _Die Woche_, and glancing at the
+pictures, I suddenly saw the portrait of Colonel Stein, of the
+Brandenburgers, killed on the 7th instant near Ypres. I recognized the
+ugly and bloated face immediately from the photograph of him which she
+had once shown me.
+
+My first impulse was to send her a wire, but, on thinking matters over,
+I decided that it would be difficult to put all my thoughts into the
+curt sentences of a telegram, and, further, that as all wires are
+doubtless examined at the Main Post Office at Bruges, it might lead to
+trouble, so I wrote her a letter.
+
+This, in a way, has been an exhibition of weakness on my part, as I had
+promised myself that I would not take the first step in reopening
+communication; but I feel that the fortunate death of Stein has
+completely altered the case. I told her in the letter that I realized
+that I had made mistakes, but that if she still loved me with half the
+strength that I loved her, then a telegram to me would make me the
+happiest of men.
+
+I wrote that yesterday, but have had no wire. Perhaps, like me, she
+distrusts telegrams and prefers letters.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A long letter from Zoe: an accursed fetter--an abominable letter--a
+damnable letter; she still refuses to marry me. I leave for Bruges
+to-night on forty-eight hours' special leave.
+
+
+
+
+_Kiel, 17th._
+
+
+I hate Zoe, she has broken my heart.
+
+After her preposterous letter of the 14th, I decided that in a matter
+which so closely affected my happiness no stone ought to remain
+unturned to ensure a satisfactory solution of the problem, so I
+determined to have a personal interview. I arrived at Bruges after tea
+and went at once to the flat.
+
+I tackled her immediately on the subject of her letter, and told her
+that naturally I understood that a decent interval must elapse before
+we married; but, granted this fact, I told her that I failed to see
+what prevented our marriage.
+
+A most unpleasant and harrowing scene ensued, the details of which form
+such painful recollections that I really cannot write them down here,
+though in the passage of months I have acquired the habit of writing in
+the pages of this journal with the same freedom as I would talk to that
+wife whom I had hoped to possess. She maintained an obstinate silence
+when I urged her to give me at least some tangible reason as to why she
+would not marry me. She contented herself and maddened me by reflecting
+in a kind of monotone: "I love you, Karl! and am yours, but I cannot
+marry you."
+
+I could have beaten her till she was senseless, but I had enough sense
+to realize that with Zoe, whose resolution, considering she is a woman,
+amazes me, force is not the best method. As I continued to press her
+(time was important: had I not journeyed far to see her?), those
+glorious eyes of hers, which I love and whose power I dread, filled
+with tears. I was a brute! I was heartless! I was inconsiderate! I
+could not love her! I was cruel! And I know not what other accusation
+crushed me down.
+
+Broken-hearted and dispirited, I told her to choose there and then.
+
+She collapsed on to a sofa in a storm of tears, and after a severe
+mental struggle I took the only possible course, and leaving the
+room--left her for ever. I have resumed my service life determined to
+cast her out from my mind.
+
+I will not deceive myself: it will be hard. Love and Logic are deadly
+enemies, but Logic must and shall prevail. Though I have seen her for
+the last time, I cannot escape the net of fascination which the girl
+has thrown over me. Perhaps in the course of time I shall slowly emerge
+and free myself from its entanglements. At present I hate her for this
+blow she has dealt me, and yet, O Zoe! my darling, how I long to be
+with you!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+To-day I went through my final test for qualification as U-boat
+commander.
+
+At 9 a.m. I proceeded to sea in command of the U.11, one of the
+instructional boats here. We proceeded out into Kiel Bay. On board and
+watching my every movement was a committee consisting of a commander
+and two lieutenant-commanders.
+
+On arrival at the entrance lightship, I was ordered to attack a convoy
+of camouflaged ships which were just visible about fifteen kilometres
+away off the Spit Bank. I had a very shrewd idea as to the course they
+would steer, and on coming up for my final observation I found myself
+in an excellent position, 1,000 metres on the bow of the leading ship.
+The rest was easy. I gave the leader the two bow torpedoes, and,
+turning sixteen points, fired my stern tube at the third ship of the
+line. Two hits were obtained, and I returned to harbour well pleased
+with myself. There is not the slightest chance of having failed to
+qualify.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+My confidence in myself was not misplaced; I heard to-day that I am on
+the command list, and anticipate in a few days being appointed to a
+boat. I wonder which craft I shall get?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I met the A.D.C. to the Chief of the Staff at the school, at the
+gardens, and in conversation with him discovered that he had heard that
+three boats were being detached from the Flanders flotilla for an
+unknown destination. This has given me an idea, for I feel that I can
+never return to Bruges, and I was rather dreading being appointed to
+one of the boats there. I have dropped a line to Fritz Regels, who is
+on old Max's staff, and told him that I do not wish to return to
+Bruges, and I further hinted that I understood a detached squadron was
+proceeding somewhere, and, as far as I was concerned, the further the
+better, if I could get into it.
+
+I have tried the night life at this place at the Mascotte and
+Trocadero, [1] in order to forget, but it is a poor consolation.
+
+[Footnote 1: Two well-known cabarets at Kiel.--ETIENNE.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A letter from Fritz, saying that he has an idea that Korting's boat
+would suit me, though he could not of course give me further details in
+a letter; however, he informs me positively that I shall not be at
+Bruges.
+
+On the strength of this I have wired to Fritz, and asked him to try and
+fix up an exchange between me and Korting, provided the latter is
+agreeable and the people in Max's office have no objection. I have a
+recollection that Korting's boat is one of the U.40--U.60 class, which
+would suit me admirably, and, as for destination, I care not where it
+is, provided only that it be far from Bruges.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea_.
+
+
+I have quite neglected my poor old journal for several weeks. But I
+have passed through an extraordinarily busy period.
+
+It was approved that I should relieve Korting, whose boat, the U.59, I
+discovered to be refitting at Wilhelmshaven. I was very pleased not to
+go back to Bruges, though as we steam steadily north at this moment I
+cannot escape a sense of deep disappointment that upon my return from
+this trip I shall not enjoy as of old the fascination of Zoe. But I
+shall have plenty of time to get accustomed to this idea, for this is
+no ordinary trip.
+
+We are bound for the North Cape and Murman Coast, where we remain until
+well into the cold weather--at any rate, for three months.
+
+Our mission is to work off that fogbound and desolate coast, and attack
+the constant stream of traffic between England and Archangel. There are
+two other boats besides ourselves on the job, but we shall all be
+working far apart.
+
+Our first billet is off the North Cape. In order to save time, we are
+to be provisioned once a month in one of the fjords. I don't imagine
+the Admiralty will have any difficulty in getting supplies up to us, as
+at the moment we are off the Lofotens, and we actually have not had to
+dive since we left the Bight!
+
+There seems to be nothing on the sea except ourselves. Where is the
+much vaunted and impenetrable web of blockade which the English are
+supposed to have spread around us? And yet many raw materials are
+getting very short with us. I see that in this boat they have replaced
+several copper pipes with steel ones during her refit, and this will
+lead to trouble unless we are careful--steel pipes corrode so badly
+that I never feel ready to trust them for pressure work.
+
+The truth about the blockade is that it is largely a paper blockade,
+yet not ineffective for all that. Unfortunately for us, the damned
+English and their hangers-on control the cables of the world, and hence
+all the markets, and I don't suppose, to take the case of copper, that
+a single pound of it is mined from the Rio Tinto without the British
+Board of Trade knowing all about it. The neutral firms simply dare not
+risk getting put on to the British Black List; it means ruination for
+them. And then all these dollar-grabbing Yankees, enjoying all the
+advantages of war without any of its dangers--they make me sick.
+
+This seems a most profitable job. I have only been up seven days, but
+I've bagged four steamers, all by gun-fire, and all fat ships, brimful
+of stuff for the Russians. My practice has been to make the North Cape
+every day or two to fix position, as the currents are the most abnormal
+in these parts, and I should say that the "Sailing Directions Pilotage
+Handbook" and "Tidal Charts" were compiled by a gentleman at a desk who
+had never visited these latitudes.
+
+At the moment I am standing well out to sea, as the immediate vicinity
+of the North Cape has become rather unhealthy.
+
+Yesterday afternoon (I had sunk number four in the morning, and the
+crew were still pulling for the coast) four British trawlers turned up.
+These damned little craft seem to turn up wherever one goes. I longed
+to have a bang at them with my gun, but, apart from the uncertainty as
+to what they carried in the way of armament, I have strict orders to
+avoid all that sort of thing, so I dived and steamed slowly west, came
+up at dusk and proceeded to charge up my batteries.
+
+These U.6O's are excellent boats, and I am very lucky to get one so
+soon. I suppose Korting, being a married man, wants to stay near his
+wife. I cannot write that word without painful memories of Zoe and idle
+thoughts of what might have been. Well, perhaps it is for the best. I
+am not sure that a member of the U-boat service has the right to get
+married in war-time, for unless he is of exceptional mentality it must
+affect his outlook under certain circumstances, though I think I should
+have been an exception here. Then the anxiety to the woman must be
+enormous; as every trip comes round a voice must cry within her, this
+may be the last. The contrast between the times in harbour and the
+trips is so violent, so shattering and clear cut.
+
+With a soldier's wife, she merely knows that he is at the front; with
+us, at 8 p.m. one may be kissing one's wife in Bruges, and at 6 a.m.
+creeping with nerves on edge through the unknown dangers of the Dover
+Barrage--but I have strayed from what I meant to write about--my first
+command and her crew.
+
+The quarters in this class are immensely superior to the U.C.-boats.
+Here I have a little cabin to myself, with a knee-hole table in it. My
+First Lieutenant, the Navigator and the Engineer have bunks in a room
+together, and then we have a small officers' mess.
+
+On this job up here, as we are not to return to Germany for supplies,
+and, consequently, I should say we may have to live on what we can get
+out of steamers, I don't propose to use my torpedoes unless I meet a
+warship or an exceptionally large steamer.
+
+The gun's the thing, as Arnauld de la Perrière has proved in the
+Mediterranean; but half the fellows won't follow his example, simply
+because they don't realize that it's no use employing the gun unless it
+is used accurately, and good shooting only comes after long drill.
+
+I have impressed this fact on my gun crew, and particularly the two
+gun-layers, and I make Voigtman (my young First Lieutenant) take the
+crew through their loading drill twice a day, together with practice of
+rapid manning of the gun after a "surface" or rapid abandonment of the
+gun should the diving alarms sound in the middle of practice. I have
+also impressed on Voigtman that I consider that he is the gun control
+officer, and that I expect him to make the efficient working of the gun
+his main consideration.
+
+As regards the crew, they are the usual mixed crowd that one gets
+nowadays: half of them are old sailors, the others recruits and new
+arrivals from the Fleet. My main business at the moment is to get the
+youngsters into shape, and for this purpose I have been doing a number
+of crash dives. It also gives me an opportunity of getting used to the
+boat's peculiarities under water. She seems to have a tendency to
+become tail-heavy, but this may be due to bad trimming.
+
+Voigtman has been in U.B.43 for nine months, and seems a capable
+officer. Socially, I don't think he can boast of much descent, but he
+has no airs, and treats me with pleasing respect, apart from service
+considerations.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A very awkward accident took place this morning, which resulted in
+severe injury to Johann Wiener, my second coxswain.
+
+A party of men under his direction were engaged in shifting the stern
+torpedo from its tube, in order to replace it with a spare torpedo, as
+I never allow any of my torpedoes to stay in the tube for more than a
+week at a time owing to corrosion. The torpedo which had been in the
+tube had been launched back and was on the floor plates.
+
+The spare torpedo, destined for the vacant tube, was hanging overhead,
+when without any warning the hook on the lifting band fractured, and
+the 1,000 kilogrammes' mass of metal crashed down.
+
+Wonderful to relate, no one was killed, but two men were badly bruised,
+and Wiener has been very seriously injured. He was standing astride the
+spare torpedo, and his right leg was extremely badly crushed, mostly
+below the knee.
+
+Unfortunately it took about ten minutes to release him from his
+position of terrible agony. I should have expected him to faint, but he
+did not. His face went dead white, and he began to sweat freely, but
+otherwise endured his ordeal with praiseworthy fortitude.
+
+[Illustration: "The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down."]
+
+[Illustration: "Good-bye! Steer west for America!"]
+
+[Illustration: "It is a snug anchorage and here I intend to remain."]
+
+I am now confronted with a perplexing situation. I cannot take him back
+to Germany; I cannot even leave my station and proceed south to any of
+the Norwegian ports. If I could find a neutral steamer with a doctor on
+board, I would tranship him to her; but the chances of this God-send
+materializing are a thousand to one in these latitudes. If I sighted a
+hospital ship I would close her, but as far as I know at present there
+are no hospital ships running up here. The chances of outside
+assistance may therefore be reckoned as nil. Wiener's hope of life
+depends on me, and I cannot make up my mind to take the step which
+sooner or later must be taken--that is to say, amputation.
+
+It is a curious fact, but true, nevertheless, that although, as a
+result of the war, men's lives, considered in quantity, seem of little
+importance, when it comes to the individual case, a personal contact, a
+man's life assumes all its pre-war importance.
+
+I feel acutely my responsibility in this matter. I see from his papers
+that he is a married man with a family; this seems to make it worse. I
+feel that a whole chain of people depend on me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Since I wrote the above words this morning, Wiener has taken a decided
+turn for the worse.
+
+I have been reading the "Medical Handbook," with reference to the
+remarks on amputation, gangrene, etc., and I have also been examining
+his leg. The poor devil is in great pain, and there is no doubt that
+mortification has set in, as was indeed inevitable. I have decided that
+he must have his last chance, and that at 8 p.m. to-night I will
+endeavour to amputate.
+
+
+
+
+_Midnight_.
+
+
+I have done it--only partially successful.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Last night, in accordance with my decision, I operated on Wiener.
+Voigtman assisted me. It was a terrible business, but I think it
+desirable to record the details whilst they are fresh in my memory, as
+a Court of Inquiry may be held later on. Voigtman and I spent the whole
+afternoon in the study of such meagre details on the subject as are
+available in the "Medical Handbook." We selected our knives and a saw
+and sterilized them; we also disinfected our hands.
+
+At 7.45 I dived the boat to sixty metres, at which depth the boat was
+steady. We had done our best with the wardroom-table, and upon this the
+patient was placed. I decided to amputate about four inches above the
+knee, where the flesh still seemed sound. I considered it impracticable
+to administer an anaesthetic, owing to my absolute inexperience in this
+matter.
+
+Three men held the patient down, as with a firm incision I began the
+work. The sawing through the bone was an agonizing procedure, and I
+needed all my resolution to complete the task. Up to this stage all had
+gone as well as could be expected, when I suddenly went through the
+last piece of bone and cut deep into the flesh on the other side. An
+instantaneous gush of blood took place, and I realized that I had
+unexpectedly severed the popliteal artery, before Voigtman, who was
+tying the veins, was ready to deal with it.
+
+I endeavoured to staunch the deadly flow by nipping the vein between my
+thumb and forefinger, whilst Voigtman hastily tried to tie it. Thinking
+it was tied, I released it, and alas! the flow at once started again;
+once more I seized the vein, and once again Voigtman tried to tie it.
+Useless--we could not stop the blood. He would undoubtedly have bled to
+death before our eyes, had not Voigtman cauterized the place with an
+electric soldering-iron which was handy.
+
+Much shaken, I completed the amputation, and we dressed the stump as
+well as we could.
+
+At the moment of writing he is still alive, but as white as snow; he
+must have lost litres of blood through that artery.
+
+
+
+
+9 _p.m._
+
+
+Wiener died two hours ago. I should say the immediate cause of death
+was shock and loss of blood. I did my best.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We have been out on this extended patrol area seven days, but not a
+wisp of smoke greets our eyes.
+
+Nothing but sea, sea, sea. Oh, how monotonous it is! I cannot make out
+where the shipping has got to. Tomorrow I am going to close the North
+Cape again. I think everything must be going inside me. I am too far
+out here.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The North Cape bears due east. Nothing afloat in sight. Where the devil
+can all the shipping be? In ten days' time I am due to meet my supply
+ship; meanwhile I think I'll have to take another cast out, of three
+hundred miles or so.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Nothing in sight, nothing, nothing.
+
+The barometer falling fast and we are in for a gale. I have decided to
+make the coast again, as I don't want to fail to turn up punctually at
+the rendezvous.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Standarak-Landholm Fjord--thank heavens.
+
+Heavens! we have had a time. We were still two hundred and fifty miles
+from the coast when we were caught by the gale. And a gale up here is a
+gale, and no second thoughts about it. To say it blew with the force of
+ten thousand devils is to understate the case. The sea came on to us in
+huge foaming rollers like waves of attacking infantry intent on
+overwhelming us.
+
+We struggled east at about three knots. But she stuck it magnificently.
+Low scudding clouds obscured the sky and came like a procession of
+ghosts from the north-east. Sun observations were impossible for two
+reasons. Firstly, no one could get on deck; secondly, there was no
+visible sun. This lasted for three days, at the end of which time we
+had only the vaguest idea as to where we were.
+
+The gale then blew out, but, contrary to all expectations, was
+succeeded by a most abominable fog, thick and white like cotton-wool.
+These were hardly ideal conditions under which to close a rocky and
+unknown coast, but it had to be done. The trouble was that it was
+entirely useless taking soundings, as the twenty-metre depth-line on
+the chart went right up to the land. We crept slowly eastwards, till,
+when by dead reckoning we were ten miles inside the coast, the
+Navigator accidentally leant on the whistle lever; this action on his
+part probably saved the ship, as an immediate echo answered the blast.
+In an instant we were going full-speed astern. We altered course
+sixteen points and proceeded ten miles westerly, where we lay on and
+off the coast all night, cursing the fog.
+
+Next day it lifted, and we spent the whole time trying to find the
+entrance to the S. Landholm Fjord. The coast appeared to bear no
+resemblance to the chart whatsoever.
+
+The cliffs stand up to a height of several hundred metres, with
+occasional clefts where a stream runs down. There are no trees, houses,
+animals, or any signs of life, except sea birds, of which there are
+myriads. The Engineer declares he saw a reindeer, but five other people
+on deck failed to see any signs of the beast.
+
+After hours of nosing about, during which my heart was in my mouth, as
+I quite expected to fetch up on a pinnacle rock, items which are
+officially described in the Handbook as being "very numerous," we
+rounded a bluff and got into a place which seems to answer the
+description of S. Landholm. At any rate, it is a snug anchorage, and
+here I intend to remain for a few days, and hope for my store-ship to
+turn up.
+
+I've posted a daylight look-out on top of the bluff; it would be very
+awkward to be caught unawares in this place, which is only about 150
+metres wide in places.
+
+I'm taking advantage of the rest to give the crew some exercises and
+execute various minor repairs to the Diesels.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Yesterday we fought what must be one of the most remarkable single-ship
+actions of the war.
+
+At 9 a.m. the look-out on the cliffs reported smoke to the northward.
+
+I got the anchor up and made ready to push off, but still kept the
+look-out ashore. At 9.30 he reported a destroyer in sight, which seemed
+serious if she chose to look into my particular nook.
+
+At any rate, I thought, I wouldn't be caught like a rat, so I got my
+look-out on board--a matter of ten minutes--and then proceeded out,
+trimmed down and ready for diving.
+
+When I drew clear of the entrance I saw the enemy distant about a
+thousand metres. I at once recognized her as being one of the oldest
+type of Russian torpedo boats afloat. When I established this fact, a
+devil entered into my mind, and did a most foolhardy act.
+
+I decided that I would not retreat beneath the sea, but that I would
+fight her as one service ship to another.
+
+When I make up my mind, I do so in no uncertain manner--indecision is
+abhorrent to me--and I sharply ordered, "Gun's Crew--Action."
+
+I can still see the comical look of wonderment which passed over my
+First Lieutenant's face, but he knows me, and did not hesitate an
+instant. We drilled like a battleship, and in sixty-five seconds--I
+timed it as a matter of interest--from my order we fired the first
+shot. It fell short.
+
+Extraordinary to relate, the torpedo boat, without firing a gun, put
+her helm hard over, and started to steam away at her full speed, which
+I suppose was about seventeen knots.
+
+I actually began to chase her--a submarine chasing a torpedo boat! It
+was ludicrous.
+
+With broad smiles on their faces, my good gun's crew rapidly fired the
+gun, and we had the satisfaction of striking her once, near her after
+funnel, but it did no vital damage, as a few minutes afterwards she
+drew out of range! What a pack of incompetent cowards!
+
+They never fired a shot at us. I suppose half of them were drunk or
+else in a state of semi-mutiny, for one hears strange tales of affairs
+in Russia these days.
+
+The whole incident was quite humorous, but I realized that I had hardly
+been wise, as without doubt the English will hear of this, and these
+trawlers of theirs will turn up, and I'm certainly not going to try any
+heroics with John Bull, who is as tough a fighter as we are.
+
+Meanwhile, what of the supply ship, for I'm supposed to meet her here,
+and it's already twenty-four hours since yesterday's epoch-making
+battle and I expect the English any moment.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+My doubts were removed for me since I received special orders at noon
+by high-power wireless from Nordreich, and on decoding them found that,
+for some reason or other, we are ordered to proceed to Muckle Flugga
+Cape, and thence down the coast of Shetlands to the Fair Island
+Channel, where we are directed to cruise till further orders. Special
+warning is included as to encountering friendly submarines.
+
+It appears to me that a special concentration of U-boats is being
+ordered round about the Orkneys, and that some big scheme is on hand.
+
+We are now steering south-westerly to make Muckle Flugga, which I hope
+to do in four days' time if the weather holds.
+
+These Northern waters have proved very barren of shipping in the last
+few weeks, and this fact, coupled with the approaching winter weather,
+which must be fiendish in these latitudes, makes me quite ready to
+exchange the Archangel billet for the work round the Orkneys and
+Shetlands, though this is damnable enough in the winter, in all
+conscience.
+
+There is only one fly in the ointment, and that is that this premature
+return to North Sea waters might conceivably mean a visit to Zeebrugge,
+though this class are not likely to be sent there.
+
+Though it is many weeks since I left Zoe, I have not been able to
+forget her. I continually wonder what she is doing, and often when I am
+not on my guard she wanders into my thoughts.
+
+Whilst I am up here, it does not matter much, except that it causes me
+unhappiness, but if I found myself at Bruges it would be very hard.
+However, I don't suppose I shall ever see her again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Sighted Muckle Flugga this morning, and shaped course for Fair Island.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Oh! what a hell I have passed through. I can hardly realize that I am
+alive, but I am, though whether I shall be to-morrow morning is
+doubtful--it all depends on the weather, and who would willingly stake
+their life on North Sea weather at this time of the year?
+
+Curses on the man who sent us to the Fair Island Channel. Where the
+devil is our Intelligence Service? If we make Flanders I have a story
+to tell that will open their eyes, blind bats that they are,
+luxuriating in the comfort of their fat staff jobs ashore.
+
+The Fair Island Channel is an English death-trap; it stinks with death.
+By cursed luck we arrived there just as the English were trying one of
+their new devices, and it is the devil. Exactly what the system is, I
+don't quite know, and I hope never again to have to investigate it.
+
+For forty-seven, hours we have been hunted like a rat, and now, with
+the pressure hull leaking in three places, and the boat half full of
+chlorine, we are struggling back on the surface, practically incapable
+of diving at least for more than ten minutes at a time. Even on the
+surface, with all the fans working, one must wear a gas mask to
+penetrate the fore compartment. Oh! these English, what devils they
+are!
+
+Here is what happened:
+
+Fair Island was away on our port beam when we sighted a large English
+trawler, which I suspected of being a patrol. To be on the safe side, I
+dived and proceeded at twenty metres for about an hour.
+
+At 5 p.m. (approximately) I came up to periscope depth to have a look
+round, but quickly dived again as I discovered a trawler, steering on
+the same course as myself, about a thousand metres astern of me. This
+was the more disconcerting, as in the short time at my disposal it
+seemed to me that she was remarkably similar to the craft I had seen in
+the afternoon, and yet this hardly seemed likely, as I did not think
+she could have sighted me then.
+
+On diving, I altered course ninety degrees, and proceeded for half an
+hour at full speed, then altered another ninety degrees, in the same
+direction as the previous alteration, and diving to thirty metres I
+proceeded at dead slow. By midnight I had been diving so much that I
+decided to get a charge on the batteries before dawn; I also wanted to
+be up at 1 a.m. to make my position report.
+
+I surfaced after a good look round through the right periscope, which,
+as usual, revealed nothing. I had hardly got on the bridge, when a
+flash of flame stabbed the night on the starboard beam and a shell
+moaned just overhead.
+
+I crash-dived at once, but could not get under before the enemy fired a
+second shot at us, which fortunately missed us. As we dived I ordered
+the helm hard a starboard, to counteract the expected depth-charge
+attack. We must have been a hundred and fifty metres from the first
+charge and a little below it, five others followed in rapid succession,
+but were further away, and we suffered no damage beyond a couple of
+broken lights. The situation was now extremely unpleasant. I did not
+dare venture to the surface, and thus missed my 1 a.m. signal from
+Headquarters. I wanted a charge badly, and so proceeded at the lowest
+possible speed. At regular intervals our enemy dropped one depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, but these reports always seemed the same
+distance away.
+
+At dawn I very cautiously came up to periscope depth, and had a look.
+To my consternation I discovered our relentless pursuer about 1,500
+metres away on the port quarter. In some extraordinary manner he had
+tracked us during the night.
+
+I dived and altered course through ninety degrees to south.
+
+At 9 a.m. a tremendous explosion shook the boat from stem to stern,
+smashing several lights, and giving her a big inclination up by the
+bow.
+
+As I was only at twenty metres I feared the boat would break surface,
+and our enemy was evidently very nearly right over us. I at once
+ordered hard to dive, and went down to the great depth of ninety-five
+metres.
+
+A series of shattering explosions somewhere above us showed that we
+were marked down, and we were only saved from destruction by our great
+depth, the English charges being set apparently to about thirty metres.
+
+At noon the situation was critical in the extreme. My battery density
+was down to 1,150, the few lamps that I had burning were glowing with a
+faint, dull red appearance, which eloquently told of the falling
+voltage and the dying struggles of the battery.
+
+The motors with all fields out were just going round. The faces of the
+crew, pallid with exhaustion, seemed of an ivory whiteness in the dusky
+gloom of the boat, which never resembled a gigantic and fantastically
+ornamental coffin so closely as she did at that time.
+
+The air was fetid. I struck a match; it went out in my fingers. The
+slightest effort was an agony. I bent down to take off my sea-boots,
+and cold sweat dropped off my forehead, and my pulse rose with a kind
+of jerk to a rapid beating, like a hammer.
+
+I left one sea-boot on.
+
+At 1 p.m. a deputation of the crew came aft, and in whispered voices
+implored me to surface the boat and make a last effort on the surface.
+A muffled report, as our implacable enemy dropped a depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, added point to the conversation, and showed me
+that our appearance on the surface could have but one end.
+
+At 3 p.m. the second coxswain, who was working the hydroplanes, fell
+off his stool in a dead faint.
+
+At 3.30 p.m. the supreme crisis was reached: two more men fainted, and
+I realized that if I did not surface at once I might find the crew
+incapable of starting the Diesels.
+
+At the order "Surface," a feeble cheer came from the men.
+
+We surfaced, and I dragged myself-up to the conning tower. Luckily we
+started the Diesels with ease, and in a few minutes gusts of beautiful
+air were circulating through the boat.
+
+Meanwhile, what of the enemy? I had half expected a shell as soon as we
+came up, and it was with great anxiety that I looked round. We had been
+slightly favoured by fortune in that the only thing in sight was a
+trawler away on the port beam. It was our hunter.
+
+I trimmed right down, hoping to avoid being seen, as it was essential
+to stay on the surface and get some amperes into the battery. I also
+altered course away from him.
+
+It was about 5 p.m. that I saw two trawlers ahead, one on each bow. By
+this time the boat's crew had quite recovered, but I did not wish to
+dive, as the battery was still pitiably low. I gradually altered course
+to north-east, but after half an hour's run I almost ran on top of a
+group of patrols in the dusk.
+
+I crash-dived, and they must have seen me go down, as a few minutes
+later the boat was violently shaken by a depth-charge.
+
+We were at twenty metres, still diving at the time. I consulted the
+chart, but could find no bottoming ground within fifty miles, a
+distance which was quite beyond my powers.
+
+At 11 p.m. I simply had to come up again and get a charge on the
+batteries.
+
+From 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., at regular half-hourly intervals, a
+depth-charge had gone off somewhere within a radius of two miles of me.
+Needless to say, I was only crawling along at about one knot and
+altering course frequently. What was so terrible was the patent fact
+that the patrols in this area had evidently got some device which
+enabled them to keep in continual touch with me to a certain extent.
+
+These monotonous and regular depth-charges seemed to say: "We know, Oh!
+U-boat, that we are somewhere near you, and here is a depth-charge just
+to tell you that we haven't lost you yet." [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: Karl was quite right; it is evident that he had the
+misfortune to encounter one of our new hydrophone-hunting groups, just
+started In the Fair Island Channel. The incident of the depth-charges
+every half-hour was known as "Tickling up." Probably the patrol only
+heard faint noises from him.--ETIENNE.]
+
+As an hour had elapsed since the last depth-charge, I felt fairly happy
+at coming up, and on making the surface I was delighted to find a
+pitch-black night and a considerable sea. From 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. I
+actually had three hours of peace, and in this period I managed to cram
+a considerable amount of stuff into the batteries. The densities were
+rising nicely and all seemed well, when I did what I now see was a very
+foolish thing.
+
+I made my 1 a.m. wireless report to Nordreich, in which I requested
+orders at 3 a.m. and reported my position, together with the fact that
+I had been badly hunted.
+
+In twenty-five minutes they were on me again! I had most idiotically
+assumed that the English had no directional wireless in these parts.
+They have. They've got everything that they have ever tried up there;
+it was concentrated in that infernal Fair Island Channel.
+
+I was only saved by seeing a destroyer coming straight at me,
+silhouetted against, the low-lying crescent of a new moon. When I dived
+she was about six hundred metres away. As I have confessed to doing a
+foolish thing, I give myself the pleasure of recording a cleverer move
+on my part. I anticipated depth-charge attack as a matter of course,
+but instead of going down to twenty-five metres, I kept her at twelve.
+
+The depth-charges came all right, seven smashing explosions, but, as I
+had calculated, they were set to go off at about thirty metres, and so
+were well below me.
+
+The boat was thrown bodily up by one, and I think the top of the
+conning tower must have broken surface, but there was little danger of
+this being seen in the prevailing water conditions.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have just had to stop recording my experiences of the past
+forty-eight hours, as the Navigator, who is on watch, sent down a
+message to say that smoke was in sight.
+
+The next hour was full of anxiety, but by hauling off to port we
+managed to lose it. I then had a little food, and I will now conclude
+my account before trying again to get some sleep.
+
+
+
+
+_The account continued._
+
+
+All my hopes of getting up again that night, both for the purpose of
+charging and of getting the 3 a.m. signal, were doomed to be
+disappointed, as the hydrophone operator kept on reporting the noise of
+destroyers overhead. Occasional distant thuds seemed to indicate a
+never-ending supply of depth-charges, but they were about four or five
+miles from me. Perhaps some other unfortunate devil was going through
+the fires of hell.
+
+At daylight on the second day my position was still miserable. The
+battery was getting low again, the sea had gone down, and when I put my
+periscope up at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed with patrols. I
+felt as if I was in an invisible net, and though I endeavoured to
+conceal my apprehension from the crew, I could see from the listless
+way they went about their duties that they realized that once again we
+were near the end of our resources.
+
+All the forenoon we crept along at thirty metres, until the tension was
+broken at 1 p.m. by a furious depth-charge attack. In some
+extraordinary way they had located me again and closed in upon me. The
+first charges were some little distance off, and as they got closer a
+feeling of desperation overcame me, and I seriously contemplated ending
+the agony by surfacing and fighting to the last with my gun.
+
+Curiously enough, the procedure that I adopted was the exact opposite.
+I decided to dive deep. I went down to 114 metres. At this exceptional
+depth, three rivets in the pressure hull began to leak, and jets of
+water with the rigidity of bars of iron shot into the boat. I held on
+for five minutes, which was sufficient to save me from the depth-charge
+attack, though two which went off almost above me broke some lamps. I
+then came up to twenty metres and slowly crawled on. Throughout the
+long afternoon, though we were not directly attacked again, I heard
+depth-charges on several occasions sufficiently close to me to
+demonstrate that these implacable and tireless devils had an idea of
+the area I was in.
+
+By a supreme effort, working one motor at the only speed it would go,
+viz., "Dead slow," I managed to squeeze out the battery until I
+estimated it must be dusk.
+
+There was only one thing to do--I surfaced. It was not as dark as I had
+hoped, and I saw a fairly large sloop-like vessel, about eight thousand
+metres away, on the port beam. She must have seen me simultaneously, as
+the flash of a gun darted from her, the shell falling short.
+
+I couldn't dive; there seemed only one thing to do: fight and then die.
+I ordered the gun's crew up, and the unequal duel began. We were going
+full speed on the Diesels, and my course was east by north. A good deal
+of water and spray was flying over the gun, and my crew had little hope
+of doing much accurate shooting, but I have often found that when one
+is being fired at there is nothing so comforting as the sound of one's
+own gun.
+
+Our enemy was armed with two large guns, fifteen centimetres or over,
+but had no speed, a discovery which raised my hopes again. It was soon
+evident that, provided we were not heading for another patrol, if we
+could survive ten minutes' shelling, we should be saved for the time
+being by the fading light, which was evidently causing our enemy
+increasing difficulties, as his shots alternated between very short and
+very much over.
+
+I was actually congratulating the Navigator on our escape, and I had
+just told the gun's crew to cease firing at the blurred outlines on the
+port quarter from which the random shells still came, when there was a
+sheet of yellow flame and a jar which threw me against the signalman.
+The latter had been standing near the conning-tower hatch, and
+unfortunately I knocked him off his balance, and he fell with a thud
+into the upper conning tower. He had the good fortune to escape with a
+couple of ribs broken, but when I recovered myself and got to my feet,
+far worse consequences met my eyes.
+
+By the worst of ill-luck, a shell which must have been fired
+practically at random had hit the gun just below the port trunnion.
+
+The result of the explosion was very severe. Four of the seven men at
+the gun had been blown overboard, the breech worker was uninjured,
+though from the way he swayed about it was evident that he was dazed,
+and I expected to see him fall over the side at any moment. The
+remaining two men were as dead as horse-flesh.
+
+The material damage was even more serious. The gun had been practically
+thrown out of its cradle, but in the main the trunnion blocks had held
+firm, and the whole pedestal had been carried over to starboard.
+
+The really terrible effects of this injury were not apparent at first
+sight, but I soon realized them, for an hour later (we had shaken off
+the sloop) I saw red flame on the horizon, which plainly indicated
+flaming at the funnel from some destroyer doubtless looking for us at
+high speed.
+
+I dived, intending to surface again as soon as possible. With this
+intention in my head, I did not go below the upper conning tower. We
+had barely got to ten metres, when loud cries from below and the
+disquieting noise of rushing water told me that something was wrong. I
+blew all tanks, surfaced, left the First Lieutenant on watch and went
+below.
+
+There were five centimetres of water on the battery boards, and I
+understood at once that we could never dive again.
+
+For the pedestal of the gun, in being forced over, had strained the
+longitudinal seam of the pressure hull, to which it is bolted, and a
+shower of water had come through as soon as we got under.
+
+It might have been hoped that this was enough, but no! our cup was not
+yet full. Chlorine gas suddenly began to fill the fore-end. The salt
+water running down into the battery tanks had found acid, and though I
+ordered quantities of soda to be put down into the tank, it became, and
+still is at the moment of writing, impossible to move forward of the
+conning tower without putting on a gas mask and oxygen helmet. So we
+are helpless, and at the mercy of any little trawler, or even the
+weather.
+
+We have no gun; we cannot dive. The English must know that they have
+hit us, and every hour I expect to see the hull of a destroyer climb
+over the horizon astern.
+
+We are fortunate in two respects: in that for the time being the
+weather seems to promise well, and our Diesels are thoroughly sound.
+
+We are ordered to Zeebrugge--I could have wished elsewhere for many
+reasons, but it does not matter, as I cannot believe we are intended to
+escape.
+
+I feel I would almost welcome an enemy ship, it would soon be over; but
+this uncertainty and anxiety drags on for hour after hour--and now I
+cannot sleep, though I haven't slept properly for over seventy hours. I
+am so worn out that my body screams for sleep, but it is denied to me,
+and so, lest I go mad, I write; it is better to do this, though my eyes
+ache and the letters seem to wriggle, than to stand up on the bridge
+looking for the smoke of our enemies, or to lie in my bunk and count
+the revolutions of the Diesels; thousands of thousands of thudding
+beats, one after the other, relentless hammer strokes.
+
+I have endured much.
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE BY ETIENNE_
+
+
+_A break occurs in Karl von Schenk's diary at this juncture. Fortunately
+the main outlines of the story are preserved owing to Zoe's long
+letter, which was in a small packet inside the cover of the second
+notebook. Zoe's letter will be reproduced in this book in its proper
+chronological position, but in order to save the reader the trouble of
+reading the book from the letter back to this point, a brief summary of
+what took place is given here. The entries in his diary which follow
+the words "I have endured much," are very meagre for a period which
+seems to have been about a month in length. There is no further mention
+of the latter stages of Karl's passage in the wrecked boat to
+Zeebrugge, so it is presumed that he made that port without further
+adventure. He was evidently on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and
+appears to have been suffering from very severe insomnia. He had been
+hunted for two days, during which he was perpetually on the verge of
+destruction, and the cumulative effect of such an experience is bound
+to leave its mark on the strongest man. When he got back to Zeebrugge
+he must have been at the end of his tether, and whether by chance or
+design it was when Karl was, as he would have said, "at a low mental
+ebb" that Zoe made her last and successful attack upon his resolution
+not to see her again unless she consented to marry him. It is plain
+from her letter that when he left her after the stormy interview in
+which he vowed never to see her again, Zoe did not lose hope. She seems
+to have kept herself _au courant _with his movements, and actually to
+have known when he was expected in.
+
+We know that she had many friends amongst the officers, and it is
+probable that from one of these she was able to get information about
+Karl's movements.
+
+Bruges was probably a hot-bed of U-boat gossip, and, not unlike the
+conditions at certain other Naval ports during the war, the ladies were
+often too well informed. At any rate it appears that Zoe rushed to see
+Karl directly he arrived at Bruges, and found him a mental and physical
+wreck, suffering from acute insomnia.
+
+With the impetuous vigour which evidently guided most of her actions,
+she took complete charge of Karl, and, as he was due for four days'
+leave, she whisked him off to the forest.
+
+Karl may have protested, but was probably in no state to wish to do so.
+At her shooting-box in the forest Zoe achieved her desire, and the
+stubborn struggle between the lovers ended in victory for the woman.
+There is an entry in Karl's diary which may refer to this period; he
+simply says, "Slept at last! Oh, what a joy!"
+
+If this entry was written in the forest, it seemed as if Karl had been
+unable to sleep until Zoe carried him off to the forest peace of her
+shooting-box and surrounded him with the atmosphere of her tender
+sympathy.
+
+There is no evidence of the light in which Karl viewed his defeat,
+when, having regained his strength, he was able to take stock of the
+changed situation. It is reasonable to suppose that his silence upon
+this matter in the pages of his diary is evidence that he was ashamed
+of what he must have considered a great act of weakness on his part.
+
+At all events he realized that he had crossed the Rubicon and that he
+had better acquiesce in the_ fait accompli.
+
+_He seems to have been in harbour for about six weeks, during which he
+lived with Zoe, and the lovers enjoyed a brief spell of happiness
+before Karl set out on his next trip.
+
+Karl seems to have found those six weeks very pleasant ones, though his
+diary merely contains brief references, such as: "A. day in the country
+with Z."; "Z. and I went to the Cavalry dance," and other trivial
+entries--of his thoughts there is not a word.
+
+About the end of 1917 Karl's boat was repaired, and he left for the
+Atlantic; and once more resumed full entries in his diary._
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+
+
+
+_Karl's Diary resumed_.
+
+Sailed at 9 p.m. last night, and we are now seventeen miles off Beachy
+Head. The Straits of Dover were frightful; the glare of the acetylene
+flares on the barrage showed for miles. Seen from a distance it gave me
+the impression of the gates of hell, through which we had to pass.
+
+I dived, ten miles away, and went through with the tide at a depth of
+forty metres.
+
+Two hours and three quarters of suspense, and at dawn we came up,
+having passed safely through the great deathtrap. At the moment there
+is nothing in sight, except a little smoke on the horizon. I am going
+to dive again till dusk.
+
+2 _a.m._
+
+We are thrashing down the Channel with a south-westerly wind right
+ahead. My instructions are to work for two days between the Lizard and
+Kinsale Head, and then proceed far out in the Atlantic, where the
+convoys are supposed to meet the destroyers.
+
+That Fair Island Channel experience was enough for a lifetime. Death,
+quick, short and sudden, this I am ready for. But torture, slow, long
+and drawn-out, is not in the bargain which in this year of grace every
+civilized man and half the savages of the world seem to have had to
+make with the god Mars.
+
+As I sit in this steel, cigar-shaped mass of machinery, the question
+rings incessantly in my ears: "To what object is all this war directed,
+when analysed from the point of view of the individual?"
+
+It does not satisfy any longing of mine. I have not got a lust for
+battle: no one who fights has a lust for battle. Editors of newspapers
+and people on General Staffs, possibly also Cabinet Ministers, have
+lusts for battles, as long as they arrange the battle and talk about
+it afterwards--curse them!
+
+The only thing I want is to be with Zoe. I want to live and spend long
+years with her, enjoying life--this life of which I have spent half
+already, and now perhaps it will be taken from me by some other man:
+some Englishman who doesn't really want to take my life, reckoned as an
+individual.
+
+Around me in the darkness are the patrol boats, manned by the
+Englishmen who are seeking my life. Seeking it, not to gratify their
+private emotions, but because we are all in the whirlpool of War and
+cannot escape.
+
+Like an avalanche, it seems to gather strength and speed as it rolls
+on, this War of Nations. The world must be mad! I cannot see how it can
+ever stop. England will never be defeated at sea. We shall conquer on
+land--then what?
+
+An inconclusive peace.
+
+Even if we smash this island Empire and gain the dominion of the world,
+how will it advantage me? I can see no way in which I can gain.
+
+It would be said, if any one should read this: _Gott_! what a selfish
+point of view--he thinks only of his personal gain, not of his country.
+
+But, confound it all, I reply, answer me this:
+
+Do I exist for my country, or does my country exist for me?
+
+For example, does man live for the sake of the Church, or was the
+Church created for man?
+
+Does not my country exist for my benefit?
+
+Surely it is so.
+
+Then again, I am risking my all, my life; I live in danger,
+apprehension and great discomfort; I do all these things, and yet if as
+a reasonable man I ponder what advantage I am to gain from all these
+sacrifices I am adjudged selfish.
+
+It is all madness; I cannot fathom the meaning of these things.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In position on the Bristol line of approach, the weather is bad.
+
+
+
+
+_At twenty metres._
+
+
+Once again Death has stretched forth his bony fingers to catch me by
+the throat, and only by a chance have I wriggled free.
+
+Yesterday afternoon at 5 p.m. we sighted a small steamer flying Spanish
+colours and steering for Cardiff. The weather was choppy, but not too
+bad, and I decided to exercise the gun's crew, though I did not think
+there would be much doing, as the Spaniards soon give in.
+
+I opened fire at six thousand metres, and pitched a shell ahead of her
+and ran up the signal to heave-to. The wretched little craft paid no
+attention, and continued on her lumbering course. I suspected the
+presence of an Englishman on her bridge, and determined to hit.
+
+This we did with our sixth shot, and she stopped dead and wallowed in
+the trough, with clouds of steam pouring out of her engine-room; we had
+evidently got the engine-room.
+
+As we closed her, it was evident that a tremendous panic was taking
+place on board. The port sea boat was being launched, but one fall
+broke and the occupants fell into the water. My Navigator begged me to
+give her another, which I did, and hit her right aft. Two boatloads of
+gesticulating individuals now appeared from the shelter of her lee side
+and began pulling wildly away from the ship.
+
+The Navigator, whose eyes were dancing with excitement, was very keen
+to play with them by spraying the water with machine-gun bullets; but
+it seemed to me to be waste of ammunition, and I would not permit it.
+
+Meanwhile we had approached to within about four hundred metres of her
+port bow. I was debating whether to accelerate her sinking, when I
+noticed that a fire had broken out aft, and I became possessed with a
+childish curiosity to see the fire being put out as she sank. It was a
+kind of contest between the elements.
+
+As I watched her, I was startled to hear three or four reports from the
+region of the fire.
+
+"Ammunition!" shouted the pilot, with wide-opened eyes.
+
+In an instant I pressed the diving alarm as I realized our deadly
+peril. Fool that I had been, she was a decoy-ship. They must have
+realized on board that I had seen through their disguise, for as we
+began to move forward, under the motors, a trap-door near her bows fell
+down, the white ensign was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened
+fire from the embrasure that was revealed on her side.
+
+We were fortunate in that our conning tower was already right ahead of
+the enemy, and as I dropped down into the conning tower, I saw that as
+she could not turn we were safe.
+
+A few shells plunged harmlessly into the water near our stern, and then
+we were under.
+
+We came up to a periscope depth, and I surveyed her from a position off
+her stern. She was sinking fast, but I felt so furious at being nearly
+trapped that I could not resist giving her a torpedo; detonation was
+complete, and a mass of wreckage shot into the air as the hull of the
+ship disappeared. As to the two boats, I left them to make the best
+course to land that they could.
+
+As they were fifty miles off the shore when I left them and it blew
+force six a few hours afterwards, I rather think they have joined the
+list of "Missing." We are now steering due west to our second position.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Received orders last night to return to base forthwith on the north
+about route. [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: This means into the North Sea round Scotland.--]
+
+I have shaped course to pass fifty miles north of Muckle Flugga; no
+more Fair Island Channel for me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Statlandlet in sight, with the Norwegian coast looking very lovely
+under the snow--we never saw a ship from north of the Shetlands to this
+place, when we saw a light cruiser of the town class steaming
+south-west at high speed.
+
+She had probably been on patrol off this place, where the Inner and
+Outer Leads join up and ships have to leave the three-mile limit.
+
+She was well away from me, and an attack would have been useless. I did
+not shed any tears; I have lost much of the fire-eating ideas which
+filled my mind when I first joined this service.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are due off the mole at 8 p.m. tonight, and my heart leaps with joy
+at the thought of seeing my Zoe; already I can almost imagine her
+lovely arms round my neck, her face raised to mine, and all the other
+wonderful things that make her so glorious in my eyes.
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE BY ETIENNE_
+
+
+Before quoting the next entry in Karl's journal it is necessary to
+explain the situation which confronted him when he arrived in
+Zeebrugge. In his absence, his beloved Zoe had been arrested as an
+Allied Agent, and she was tried for espionage within a day or two of
+his arrival. There is no record of how he heard the news, and the blow
+he sustained was probably so terrible that whilst there was yet hope he
+felt no desire to write; but, as will be seen, there came a time when
+he turned to his journal as the last friend that remained to him. It is
+a curious fact that, with the exception of an entry at the beginning of
+this journal, Karl makes little mention of his mother and home at
+Frankfurt. Though he does not say so, it seems possible that his mother
+had heard of his entanglement with Zoe, and a barrier had risen between
+them; this suggestion gains strength from the fact that in his blackest
+moments of despair he never seems to consider the question of turning
+to Frankfurt for sympathy. Interest is naturally aroused as to the
+details of Zoe's trial. The available material consists solely of the
+long letter she wrote to him from Bruges jail. It may be that one day
+the German archives of the period of occupation will reveal further
+details. Information on the subject is possibly at the disposal of the
+British Intelligence Service, but this would be kept secret. All we
+know on the matter is derived from the letter, which has been preserved
+inside the second volume of Karl's diary.
+
+There seems no doubt that she was caught red-handed, but to say more
+would be to anticipate her own words.
+
+It was a matter of some difficulty to know where best to introduce
+Zoe's letter, but with a view to securing as much continuity of thought
+in the story as possible it has been decided to quote it at this
+juncture, although he did not receive it until after he had made the
+entry in the journal which will be quoted directly after the letter.
+
+I would like to appeal to any reader who may happen to be engaged in
+administrative or reconstructive work in Belgium, to communicate with
+me, care of Messrs. Hutchinson, should he handle any papers dealing
+with Zoe's trial.
+
+_ETIENNE_.
+
+
+
+
+ZOE'S LETTER
+
+
+MY BEST BELOVED,
+
+When you get this letter cease to sorrow for what will have happened,
+for I shall be at rest, and in peace at last, freed from a world in
+which I have known bitter sorrow and, until you came into my life, but
+little joy.
+
+For these past months I am grateful to God, if such a being exists and
+regulates the conduct of a world gone mad.
+
+For in a few hours I am to die.
+
+It is harder for you than for me; one moment of agony I suffered, a
+moment that seemed to last a century, when, amidst the sea of faces
+that swam in a confused mass before me at the trial, I saw your eyes
+and the torture that you were suffering. When I saw your eyes I knew
+that the President had said I must die. I am glad that I was told this
+by you, the only one amongst all these men who loved me. I suppose the
+President spoke; I never heard him, but I saw your eyes and I knew.
+
+My darling, it was cruel of you to come, cruel to me and cruel to
+yourself, but I loved you for being there; it showed me that up till
+the last you would stand by me, and until you read this you cannot know
+all the facts. That to you, as to the others, I must have seemed a
+woman spy and that nevertheless you stood by me, is to me a
+recollection of unsurpassable sweetness, compared with which all other
+thoughts of you fade into insignificance.
+
+Know now, oh, well beloved, that I was not unworthy of your love.
+
+I have a story to tell you, and I have such a little time left that I
+must write quickly. The priest who has been with me comes again an hour
+before the dawn, and he has promised to deliver these my last words of
+love into your hands.
+
+My real name is Zoe Xenia Olga Sbeiliez, and I was born twenty-nine
+years ago at my father's country house at Inkovano, near Koniesfol. I
+am Polish; at least, my father was, and my mother comes from the Don
+country. There was a day when my father's ancestors were Princes in
+Poland. Poor Poland was torn by the vultures of Europe, just as your
+countrymen, my Karl, are tearing poor Belgium and France, and so my
+family lost estates year by year, and my grandfather is buried
+somewhere in the dreary steppes of Siberia because he dared to be a
+Polish patriot.
+
+My father bowed before the storm, and under my mother's influence he
+never became mixed up with politics. Thus he lived on his estates at
+Inkovano, and nursed them for my younger brother, Alexandrovitch, the
+child of his old age. Alex would be nineteen now, had he lived. The
+estates were large as these things go in Western Europe, but they were
+but a garden as compared with the lands held by my great-grandfather,
+Boris Sbeiliez.
+
+My father had a dream, and he dreamed this dream from the day Alex was
+born to the day they both died in each other's arms.
+
+My father dreamt that one day the Tsars would soften their heart to
+Poland, and raise her up from the dust to a place amongst the nations,
+and my father dreamt that Alexandrovitch Sbeiliez would become a leader
+of Poland, as his ancestors had been before him. And so my father
+nursed his estates and pinched and saved, in preparation for the day
+when his beautiful dream should come true.
+
+[Illustration: "A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign
+was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure
+that was revealed on her side."]
+
+[ILLUSTRATION: "I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers
+there...."]
+
+My poor idealistic father never realized, oh, my Karl, that when one
+wants a thing one must fight--to the death. Alex was the apple of his
+eye, but I was much loved by my mother; perhaps she dreamed a dream
+about me--I know not, but she determined that I should have all that
+was necessary. Paris, Berlin, Munich, Dresden, and a season in London,
+then I came home at twenty-one, perfectly educated according to the
+world, beautiful according to men, and dressed according to Paris. But
+I was only to find out how little I knew. My mother and I used to take
+a house in Warsaw for the season, and I met many notable men and women.
+In these days I, also, thought I could do something for Poland, but
+after two or three seasons I found that I, too, was only dreaming idle
+dreams. Oh! my beloved, beware of dreaming idle dreams.
+
+Listen! I once met the Prime Minister of all Russia at a reception. I
+captivated him, and thought, now! now! I shall do something.
+
+I sat next to him at dinner; I talked of Poland--and I knew my
+subject--I talked brilliantly; he listened, he hung on my words, and
+he, the Prime Minister of all Russia, the Tsar's right-hand man, asked
+me to drive with him next day in his sledge. I, an almost unknown
+Polish girl!
+
+When I accepted, I was in the seventh heaven of delight.
+
+Next day he called and we set forth; at a deserted spot in the woods
+near Warsaw he tried to kiss me--I struck him in the face with the butt
+of his own whip.
+
+That was why he had hung on my words, that was why he had taken me for
+my drive; it was my Polish body that interested _him_--not Poland.
+
+The Prime Minister of Russia was confined to his room for two days,
+"owing to an indisposition." How I laughed when I saw the bulletin in
+the paper, signed by two doctors, but it taught me a lesson; I never
+dreamt idle dreams again.
+
+No, I am wrong, my beloved. I dreamt an idle dream, a lovely dream
+about you and I. An after-the-war dream, if this war should ever end,
+but like other dreams it has ended--in dreams.
+
+But I must hurry, for my little watch tells me that one hour of my five
+has gone, and I have much to say.
+
+I could have married, and married brilliantly, but Poland held me back.
+I did not know what I could do for my country, it all seemed so
+hopeless, and yet I felt that perhaps one day ... and I felt I ought to
+be single when that day came.
+
+It was not easy, my Karl, sometimes it was hard; one man there was,
+Sergius was his Christian name; he loved me madly, and sometimes I
+thought--but no matter, he is dead now, killed at Tannenberg, and
+I--well, I will tell you more of my story.
+
+When the war broke out and clouded over that last beautiful summer in
+1914 (I wonder will there ever be another like it in your lifetime, my
+Karl? No, I don't think it can ever be quite the same after all this!),
+we were all in the country. Alex was back from his school in Petrograd,
+and my father kept him at home for the autumn term.
+
+How well I remember the excitement, the mobilization, the blessing of
+the colours, the wave of patriotism which swept over the country; even
+I, under the influence of the specious proclamations that were issued
+broadcast by the Government, with their promises of reform, and redress
+for Poland after the war was over, felt more Russian than Polish. Lies!
+Lies! Lies! that was what the Government promises were, my Karl.
+
+Under the stress of war the rottenness of that great whited sepulchre,
+Russia, feared the revival of the Polish spirit; it might have been
+awkward, and so they lied with their tongues in their cheeks, and we
+simple Poles believed them; the peasantry flocked to their depots,
+little knowing whom they fought, but the proclamations which were read
+to them told them they fought for Poland, and we women worked and
+prayed for the success of Russian arms.
+
+Then the tide of war swept westward, and all day long and every day the
+troops, and the guns and the motor-cars and the wagons rolled through
+the village to the west.
+
+Guarded hints in the papers seemed to say that all was not well in
+France, but France was so far away, and all the time the Russians were
+going west through our village. Mighty Russia was putting forth her
+strength, and the Austrian debacle was in full swing; these were great
+days, my Karl, for a Russian!
+
+Then one day the long columns of men and all the traffic seemed to
+hesitate in the sluggish westward flow, and then it stopped, and then
+it began to go east. The weeks went on, and one day, very, very
+faintly, there was a rumbling like a distant thunderstorm. It was the
+guns! The front was coming back.
+
+Have you ever seen forest fires, my Karl? We had them every autumn in
+our woods. If you have, then you know how all the small animals and the
+birds, the rabbits and the foxes, and perhaps a wolf or two, and the
+deer, and the thrushes and the linnets come out from the shelter of the
+trees, fleeing blindly from the great peril, anxious only to save their
+lives. So it was when the front came back. Herds of moujiks, the old
+men, the women, the children, the poor little babies, struggled blindly
+eastwards through the village.
+
+Pushing their miserable household gods on handcarts, or staggering
+along with loads on their backs, and weary children dragging at their
+arms, the human tide flowed eastwards, round our house, begged perhaps
+a drink of water, and then wandered feverishly onwards.
+
+They knew not in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred where they were
+going; their only destination was summed up in the words, "Away from
+the Front"--away from the ominous rumbling which began to get louder,
+away from that western horizon which was beginning to have a lurid glow
+at nights, like a sunset prolonged to dawn.
+
+Then, as the Germans advanced more and more, the character of the tide
+changed, the civilian element was outnumbered by the military.
+Companies, battalions, brigades, sometimes in good order, sometimes in
+no order, marched through the village. They would often halt for a
+short time, and the officers would come up to the house, where my
+mother and I gave them what we could. My father lived amongst his books
+and accounts, and bemoaned the extravagance of the war. Then there were
+the deserters, the stragglers, the walking wounded, the--but you know,
+my Karl, what an army in retreat means.
+
+I must proceed with my story, for time moves relentlessly on.
+
+One day a desperately wounded officer, a young Lieutenant of the Guard,
+a boy of twenty-five, was taken out of a motor ambulance to die.
+
+The ambulance had stopped opposite our gates, and lying on his
+stretcher he had seen our garden, my garden. He knew he was to die, and
+he had begged with tears in his eyes to the doctor that he might be
+left in the garden.
+
+Who could refuse him?
+
+He died within two hours, amongst our flowers, with Alex and I at his
+side.
+
+Before he died, he begged us, implored us, almost ordered us, to move
+east before it was too late.
+
+We repeated his arguments to my father, but the latter was obdurate,
+and he swore that a regiment of angels would not move him from his
+ancestral home. So we made up our minds to stay.
+
+Things got worse and worse, and one day shells fell in the grounds and
+we hid in the cellars. That night all our servants ran away, and my
+father cursed them for cowards. Next day in the early morning we heard
+machine guns fire outside the village, and then all was still.
+
+At six o'clock Alex, white-faced, came running into the house. He had
+been down to the gates and he had seen the enemy. They were drunk, he
+said, and going down the street firing the houses and shooting the
+people as they came out.
+
+It seemed impossible and yet it was true. It was growing dark, when we
+heard shouts and saw lights, and from the top of the house I saw a
+crowd of singing and shouting soldiers, with pine torches, half
+running, half walking up the drive.
+
+They massed in a body opposite the house. Paralysed with terror, I
+looked down on the scene, and shuddered to see that every second man
+seemed to have a bottle. One of them fired a shot at the house, and
+next I remember a flood of light on the drive, and, in the circle of
+light, my father standing with hand raised. What my father intended can
+never be known, for, as he paused and faced the mob, a solitary shot
+rang out, and he fell in a huddled heap.
+
+As he fell, a boyish voice from the door shouted "Murderers!" It was
+Alex. With his little pistol I had given him for a birthday present in
+his hand, he ran forward and, standing over my father's body, head
+thrown back, he pointed his pistol at the mob and fired twice. A man
+dropped, there was a flash of steel, the crowd surged forward,
+and--and, oh! my Karl, they had murdered my beloved brother, my darling
+Alex.
+
+The next moment they were in the house. I escaped from my window on to
+the roof of the dairy, and from there down a water-pipe, across the
+yard to an old hay-loft. For a long time they ran in and out of the
+house, like ants, looting and pillaging; then there was a great shout,
+and for some time not a soul came out of the house. I guessed they had
+got into the cellars. At about midnight I saw that the house was on
+fire. In a few minutes it was an inferno and the drunken soldiers came
+pouring out, firing their rifles in all directions.
+
+I had found a piece of rope in the loft. One end I placed on a hook and
+the other round my neck. I was close to the upper doors of the loft,
+with a drop to the courtyard, and thus I stayed, for I feared that some
+soldier, more sober than the rest, might explore the outhouses and find
+me. I was watching this unearthly spectacle, and never, my best
+beloved, did I conceive that man could become lower than the beasts,
+but before my eyes it was so, when I noticed that the great gates at
+the southern end of the courtyard were opening. As they opened I saw
+that beyond them were drawn up a line of men. An officer gave an order,
+and two machine guns were placed in position in the gate entrance;
+round the guns lay their crews, and the seething mass of revellers saw
+nothing. I felt that a fearful tragedy was impending, and as I held my
+breath with anxiety the officer gave a short, sharp movement with his
+hand and a hideous rattle rose above all noises. The pandemonium that
+ensued was indescribable. Some ran helplessly into the burning house,
+others ran round and round in circles, others tried to get into the
+dairy; one man got upon its roof and fell back dead as soon as his head
+appeared above the outer wall. The place was surrounded. It was
+horrible. A few tried to rush for the gate, they melted away like snow
+before the sun, as their bodies met the pitiless stream of bullets. I
+suppose two hundred men were killed in as many seconds. The machine
+guns ceased fire. Ambulance parties came into the yard, collected the
+dead and living, and within half an hour there was not a soul save
+myself in the place. Discipline had received its oblation of men's
+lives.
+
+As an example, it was one of the most wonderful things I have ever
+known in your wonderful army, my Karl, but it was terrible--terribly
+cruel.
+
+I never knew what became of my mother, though I feel she is
+dead--murdered, perhaps, like my father and my darling Alex, or perhaps
+she hid somewhere in the house and remained petrified with terror till
+the flames came. Next morning I left my hiding-place and walked about.
+Not a German was to be seen, but in the wood was a huge newly-made
+grave. It was all open warfare then, and this flying column, which was
+miles in advance of the main body, had moved on. The house was a
+smoking mass of ruins, but the farm buildings had been spared, and I
+let out all the poor animals and turned them into the woods, so that
+they might have their chance.
+
+All day I searched for my father and brother, but not a sign was to be
+seen, and at dusk I stood alone, faint and broken, amongst the ruins of
+my ancestors' home. As I looked at this scene of desolation and I
+contrasted what had been my life twenty-four hours before and what it
+was then, something seemed to snap in my brain, and for the first time
+I cried. Oh! the blessed relief of those tears, my Karl, for I was a
+poor weak, helpless girl, and alone with death and bitterness all round
+me. Late that night I hid once more in my hay-loft and next morning I
+left Inkovano for ever. Before I left, I made a vow. It is because of
+this vow, my beloved, that I am to die. For I vowed by the body of our
+Saviour and the murdered bodies of my family that, whilst life was in
+me and the war was maintained, for so long would I work unceasingly for
+the Allies against Germany. As the war ran its fiery course, I have
+seen more and more that the Allies are the only ones who will do
+anything for Poland, my beloved country, so have I been strengthened in
+my vow.
+
+I struck south on my feet, as a poor girl--I, the daughter of a
+princely family of Poland! No hardships were too great for me, provided
+I could reach Allied territory. I travelled from village to village as
+a singing girl, and once I was driven away with stones by villagers set
+upon me by a fanatical priest. I came by Cracow, and across the
+Carpathians, helped to pass the lines by a Hungarian Lieutenant--but I
+tricked him of his reward; I was not ready for that sacrifice. Then
+across the Hungarian plains to Buda-Pesth, where I remained three weeks,
+singing in a third-rate café, to make some money for my next stage. But
+I had to leave too soon--the old story!--this time it was the
+proprietor's son. What beasts men are, my Karl! And yet to me you are
+above all other men, a prince amongst your fellows, and never did I
+love you so distractedly as that first night at the shooting-box, when
+I read the scorn in your eyes as you rejected me. I have no shame in
+telling you this. Am I not already in the grave? And then I must be
+silent and can only await your coming. After many struggles, wearisome
+to relate, I came to Hermanstadt, and there, whilst pushing my trade as
+a dancer, came into touch with a Hungarian band of smugglers, working
+across the mountain passes between Eastern Hungary and Roumania. I did
+certain work for these men, and in return crossed with them one bitter
+night in a thunderstorm into Roumania. At Bukharest I got a good
+engagement, and when I had saved a thousand marks, I bought a passport
+for five hundred, and came to Serbia, then staggering beneath the great
+Austrian offensive.
+
+Once again I was in the horrors of a retreat, but I escaped, reaching
+Valona, and crossed to Brindisi, by the aid of a French officer to whom
+I told my story and who believed me. His name is Pierre Lemansour, and
+he lives at Bordeaux.
+
+If fortune places him in your power, be kind to him, my Karl, for your
+Zoe's sake.
+
+I came to Rome; and thence to Paris. I stayed here three weeks, singing
+in a cabaret. Whilst here I tried to advance my plans in vain! What
+could I, a poor girl, do for the Allies? The Embassy laughed at me, all
+except one young attaché who tried to make love to me.
+
+Then I thought of England--England, and her cold, hard islanders,
+phlegmatic in movements, slow to hate, slow to move, but once
+roused--ah! they never let go, these islanders!
+
+One of their poets has said: "The mills of God grind slowly, but they
+grind exceeding small."
+
+That, my Karl, is like England.
+
+They are your most terrible enemies, and you know it.
+
+Do not be angry with me when you read this.
+
+For me it is Poland, for you Germany.
+
+Where I am going in a few hours there is no Poland, no Germany, no
+England, no war. And perhaps, perhaps, no love.
+
+You and I, Karl, have loved, too well, perchance, but our love was
+above even the love of countries.
+
+God made the love of men and women, then men and women created their
+countries.
+
+I see the future before me, Karl, and I foresee that the struggle will
+be at the end of all things, between England and Germany. One will be
+in the dust.
+
+Thus, I crossed to England and was swallowed up in the great city of
+London. England has always had a corner of her calculating heart for
+the small nations, and in London there is a Polish organization. I
+applied there, and one day I was taken to the Foreign Office, and found
+myself alone with a great Englishman. His name was--No, I promised, and
+it will not matter to you, for though he gave me my chance, I have no
+love for him, and he will never be in your power. Even as I write these
+words, he has probably taken a list from a locked safe and neatly ruled
+a red line through the name Zoe Sbeiliez. I tell you they know
+everything, these Englishmen. I told him my story, and then he asked me
+whether I was prepared to do all things for the Allies. I told him I
+was. He then said that I could go as agent for a back area in Belgium,
+and my centre would be Bruges. I agreed, and asked him innocently
+enough how I was to live in Bruges. He looked up from his desk and
+said:
+
+"You will be given facilities to cross the Belgium-Holland frontier, as
+a German singer."
+
+"And then?" I asked.
+
+"You will go to Bruges and make friends with an Army officer; he must
+be high up on the staff."
+
+I guessed what he meant, but hoped against hope, and I said: "How?"
+
+I can still see his fish-like face, hair brushed back with scrupulous
+care, as without a shadow of emotion he looked up, puffed his pipe, and
+said in matter-of-fact tones:
+
+"You have a pretty face and an excellent figure. Need I say more?"
+
+I could have struck him in the face. I was speechless, my mind a whirl
+of conflicting emotions. I was roused by the level tones again.
+
+"Is it too much--for Poland?"
+
+Oh! the cunning of the man; he knew my weakness. Mechanically, I
+agreed. Certain details were settled, and he pressed a bell. Within
+five minutes I was walking back to my lodgings.
+
+Thanks to a marvellous organization, which your police will never
+discover, my Karl, within _three weeks_ I was singing on the Bruges
+music-hall stage, and accepted without question as being what I was
+not, a German artist from Dantzig. The men were soon round me, but I
+had no use for youngsters with money. I wanted a man with information.
+At last I found my man--the Colonel. He was on the Headquarters staff
+of the XIth Army, the army of occupation in Belgium, when I first met
+him. Subsequently he went back to regimental work; but by the time he
+was killed (and to realize what a release that meant for me, you would
+have had to have lived with him) I had established regular sources of
+information concerning which I will say no more. Let your country's
+agents find them if they can. This must I say for the Colonel: he was a
+brute and a drunkard, but in his own gross way he loved me, and he
+licked my boots at my desire, but I had to pay the price. You are a
+man, and with all your loving sympathy you can but dimly realize what
+this costs a woman. To me it was a dual sacrifice of honour and life,
+but it was for Poland, and the memories of my parents and Alex steeled
+me and strengthened my resolution, and so, and so, my Karl, I paid the
+price.
+
+My special work was on the military side, and consisted in making
+quarterly reports on the general dispositions of large bodies of
+troops, the massing of corps for spring offensives, and big pushes and
+hammer blows.
+
+Then you came into my life! When the Colonel used to go away it was my
+habit to mix in the demi-mondaine society of Bruges, to try and live a
+few hours in which I could forget--oh! don't think the worst! _That_
+sort of thing had no attraction for me. I didn't seek oblivion in that
+direction! I had never even kissed anyone in Bruges until I kissed you
+that first night we met at dinner--I was attracted to you from the very
+first; the Colonel was due back in a few days, and I suddenly felt mad,
+and kissed you. I suppose you put me down as one of the usual kind, out
+to sell myself at a price varying between a good dinner and the rent of
+a flat! You will now know that I had already mortgaged my body to
+Poland.
+
+Then a few days later you will remember we went down for that wonderful
+day in the forest, and for the first time, Karl, I began to see that I
+was really caring for you, and a faint realization of the dangers and
+impossibilities towards which we were drifting crossed my mind.
+
+Do you remember how silent I was on the drive back? In a fashion, my
+Karl, I could foresee dimly a little of what was going to happen. I had
+a presentiment that the end would be disaster, but I thrust the idea
+away from me. Then came the day, just before one of your trips--oh! the
+agony, my darling, of those days, each an age in length, when you were
+at sea--when you told me at the flat that you loved me.
+
+How I longed to throw my arms round your neck and abandon myself to
+your embraces, but I was still strong enough in those days to hold back
+for both our sakes.
+
+Each time we were together I loved you more and more, and each time
+when you had gone I seemed to see with clearer vision the fatal and
+inevitable ending.
+
+But I refused to give up the first real happiness that had been mine in
+my short and stormy life, and so I clung desperately to my idle dream.
+
+I prayed, I prayed for hours, Karl, that the war might end, for I felt
+that in this lay our only hope--but what are one woman's prayers, a
+sinful woman's prayers, to the Creator of all things, and the war
+ground on in its endless agony just as it does to-night--Karl! Karl!
+will this torture ever end?
+
+But I must hurry, there is still much to tell you, and Time goes on
+relentlessly just like the war; it is only life that ends. Then came
+the days I took you to the shooting-box for the first time, and that
+night I broke down and, unashamed, offered you myself. Think not too
+badly of your Zoe, my Karl; when a woman loves as I do, what is
+convention? A nothing, a straw on the waters of life. I wanted you for
+my own, passionately and desperately, for I feared that any moment the
+end might come, and to die without having felt your arms around me
+would have added a thousand tortures to death. Though I could have
+welcomed death with joy when I saw the look of sorrowful contempt which
+you cast upon me that night. Heavens above! but you were strong, my
+Karl. I am not ugly, and yet you resisted, and I hated and loved you at
+the same time--oh! I know that sounds impossible, but it isn't for a
+woman. I slept little that night and, feeling that I could not look you
+in the face in the morning, I left for Bruges before you got up.
+
+I felt that I could trust you not to try and find out the secret of the
+shooting-box.
+
+What a relief it is to be able to tell you everything frankly, and how
+I hated the perpetual game of deception which I had to play.
+
+I used to rack my brains for answers to your perpetual question, "Why
+won't you marry me?" It was a desperate risk taking you down to the
+forest, but you loved me so much that you never questioned the reasons
+I gave you for my secrecy. I can tell you now, Karl, that in the early
+days when I used to disappear from Bruges, it was to the shooting-box
+that I went.
+
+But I will write more of that later.
+
+Did you suffer the same agony as I did before you left for Kiel, and
+your pride would not allow you to come to me? You understand now, my
+darling, why I could never marry you, and when the Colonel was killed
+it became harder than ever. Once during that terrible interview before
+you went up the Russian coast, I nearly gave way and promised to marry
+you. But how could I? I had sworn my vow, and even to-night, though I
+stand in the shadow of death, I do not regret my vow.
+
+It is inconceivable that I could have married you and carried on my
+work--a spy on my husband's country--and if I ever thought of trying to
+do this impossible thing, a vision which has partially come true always
+restrained me.
+
+I saw a submarine officer disgraced and perhaps sentenced to death,
+because his wife had been convicted as a spy!
+
+No! it was impossible.
+
+But if I could not marry you, I still wanted your love.
+
+Then you went up the Russian coast, and I heard of your return in a
+submarine terribly wrecked. I guessed what you must have gone through,
+and determined to see you, but when I entered your room and saw you
+lying open-eyed on your bed, with no one but a clumsy soldier to nurse
+you, I could have wept. You know the rest; you can perhaps hardly
+remember how I led you to my car and took you down to the forest. Oh,
+Karl, are you angry with me for what happened? Do you sometimes think
+that I took an unfair advantage of your weakness? Please! Please
+forgive me, you were so helpless, and I loved you so.
+
+Then came those unforgettable weeks whilst your boat was being
+repaired, weeks which opened to me the door of the paradise I was never
+to enter. Oh! Karl, I pray that all those memories may remain sweet and
+unclouded all your life. Think of those days when you think of your
+Zoe. Alas! they came to an end too soon, and you left for the Atlantic.
+When you came back all was over; I had been caught at last.
+
+The evidence at the trial was clear enough. I have no complaints. I was
+fairly caught. You remember the big open space in front of the
+shooting-box? I do not mind saying now that five times have I been
+taken up from there in an English aeroplane, and landed there again
+after two days. Each time I took over a full report on military
+affairs. Not a word of naval news, my Karl; you will remember I never
+tried to find out U-boat information. I even warned you to be cautious.
+Well, they caught me as I landed; the English boy who had flown me back
+tried hard to save me, but it only cost him his own life.
+
+My first thought was of you, and there is not a jot of evidence against
+you, save only your friendship for me. Remember this fact, if they
+persecute you. Admit nothing, believe nothing they tell you, deny
+everything; they have no evidence; but they are certain to try and trap
+you.
+
+It was noble of you, Karl, to engage Monsieur Labordin in my defence,
+but it was useless and may do you harm.
+
+I also know of your efforts with the Governor. I hoped nothing from
+him, but what you did has made me ready to die; I tremble lest you are
+compromised.
+
+If only I could feel absolutely certain that I have not dragged you
+down in my ruin I should face the rifles with a smile.
+
+For my sake be careful, Karl.
+
+When it is all over, cause a few little flowers to cover my
+resting-place, if this is permitted for a spy. Order them, do not place
+them yourself; you _must not_ be compromised.
+
+I have told my story, and the end is very near. What else is there to
+say?
+
+Mere words are empty husks when I try to express my thoughts of you.
+
+Do not sorrow for your Zoe, to whom you have given such happiness.
+
+I am not afraid to die and cross into the unknown, which, however
+terrible it is, cannot be much worse than this awful war.
+
+Karl! Karl! how I long to kiss you and feel your strong arms crushing
+the breath from this body of mine which has caused so much sorrow.
+
+Oh, Mother Mary, support me in this hour of trial.
+
+I cannot leave you!
+
+May the Saints guard you and keep you through all the perils of war,
+and grant that we meet again in the perfect peace of eternity.
+
+For ever, Your devoted and adoring ZOE.
+
+
+
+
+_Karl's Diary resumed._
+
+
+She is dead!
+
+They have killed her, my Zoe, my adorable darling, and I am still
+alive--under close arrest. Perhaps they will shoot me too, in their
+insatiable thirst for blood. Oh! if they would! Perhaps, my Zoe, if I
+could only die and leave this useless world behind, I might find you in
+the mysterious regions where your spirit now dwells.
+
+Oh! is it well with you, Zoe? Give me a sign--a little sign--that all
+is well. I have knelt in prayer and asked for a sign, but nothing
+comes--all is a blank, forbidding and mysterious. Is God angry with us,
+my Zoe, that we sinned before Him? Surely, surely He understands. He
+must have mercy on me if He is going to make me go on living. If this
+is my punishment, I can bear it; I will live without you happily if
+only I may know that all is well with you.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Your letter, Zoe! Can you read these words as I write; can you sense my
+thoughts? Speak! Ah! I thought I heard your voice, and it was only the
+laughter of a woman in the street. Your letter has filled me with joy
+and sorrow. I read and re-read the wonderful words in which you say you
+loved me from the beginning, but when you plead that I shall not turn
+in loathing from your memory--with these words you smash me to the
+ground.
+
+Most glorious woman, I never loved you so well and so passionately as
+the day you stood at the trial, ringed round with the wolves, the
+clever lawyers, the stolid witnesses, the ponderous books, the cynical
+air of religious solemnity with which the machinery of the law thinly
+cloaks its lust for blood--for a life.
+
+Even when my ears heard the sentence, I could not believe it would be
+carried out. The firing party, the chair, the bandage. Oh, God! spare
+me these awful thoughts. To think of your breasts lacerated by
+the----Oh! this is unendurable! Stop, madman that I am!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am calmer now; I have read your letter again and rescued the journal
+from the grate into which I flung it.
+
+The fire was out; I am not sorry; my journal is all I have left, and in
+its pages are enshrined small, feeble word-pictures of paradise on
+earth. To read them is to catch an echo of the music we both loved so
+well. Music! you were all music to me, my Zoe. Your voice, your
+movements, your caresses all seemed to me to speak of music.
+
+I ask myself, I shall always ask myself until the last hour, whether
+all that could be done to save you was done. I tried to telegraph to
+the Kaiser for you, Zoe, but the wire never got further than Bruges
+post office; they stopped it, and put me under arrest. It was only open
+arrest, my darling, and on that last awful night I forced them to let
+me see the Governor. I, Karl Von Schenk, knelt at his feet and begged
+for your life. He simply said, "You are mad." I left the Palace under
+close arrest.
+
+Was ever woman's nobleness of character so exemplified as in your life?
+Be comforted, Zoe, that in all my black sorrow I cling desperately to
+my pride in your strength. I long to shout abroad what you did and why
+you would never marry me, to tell all the gaping world that when you
+died a martyr to duty was killed. I am so unworthy of what you did for
+me, my darling, and it tortures me with mental rendings to think that
+whilst I prided myself in my strength of mind, I was dragging you
+through the fires of hell. When I think of those six weeks we had
+together, my brain says, "And they might have been months had you not
+spurned her in the forest."
+
+Oh, Zoe! if the priests say truth and all things are now revealed to
+you, forgive me for this act of mine. Come to me in spirit and give me
+mental peace.
+
+[Illustration: "...when there was a blinding flash and the air
+seemed filled with moaning fragments."]
+
+[Illustration: "When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed
+to be ringed with patrols."]
+
+As I write like this, as if it was a letter that you might read, I am
+comforted a little; I rely utterly on the hope, which I struggle to
+change into belief, that you can read this and know my thoughts.
+
+For when I think that had things been otherwise you might have been
+leaning over my chair at this moment, and running your cool fingers
+through my stiff hair; when I think of this, my darling, the full
+realization comes to me of the gulf which must divide us for some
+uncertain period, and the lines of this page run mistily before my
+eyes.
+
+Zoe, my Zoe, strange things have happened in this war; wives declare
+they have seen their husbands, mothers have felt the presence of their
+sons; if the powers permit, come to me once again, I implore you, and
+give me strength to live my life alone.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+Examined before the Court of Inquiry to-day. Fools! can't they realize
+that I don't care if they do shoot me?
+
+In the Mess, people avoid me. What do I care? Not one of them is worthy
+to stand on the same soil that holds her beloved body. They have buried
+her in the Castle grounds. In accordance with her wishes, I have
+arranged for flowers. Perhaps one day when all this is over I may be
+able to live here and tend the place where she sleeps, free at last
+from all her cares.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At the Court of Inquiry they tried to cross-examine me on our life
+together. Dolts! what do they aim at proving? That I loved you? I
+hardly listened. When they finished the evidence, the President asked
+me if I had anything to say! Anything to say! I felt like telling them
+they were cogs in the most monstrous machine for manufacturing sorrow
+and destruction that mankind had ever devised. I could have shaken my
+fist in their solemn faces and shouted "Beasts! you murdered her! You
+destroyed that most wonderful woman who lowered herself to love me."
+
+Actually there was a long silence, and then the Vice-President, Captain
+Fruhlingsohn, said, "Speak; we wish you well."
+
+It was the first touch of sympathy, the only sign of humanity I had
+received in all these awful days, and it touched my stubborn heart and
+the longed-for tears flowed at last.
+
+I murmured: "Gentlemen, I am no traitor; but I loved her as my own
+soul."
+
+"Dissolve the Court. Remove the prisoner." Like the clash of iron
+gates, officialdom came into its own again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+So I am not to be shot! Not even imprisoned! "Don't fall in love with
+enemy agents again!"--that summarized their verdict.
+
+Ha! Ha! Ha! It is all horribly funny. The real reason is that they need
+me. I am a trained and skilful slaughterer on the seas; I am an
+essential part of the great machine. And they haven't got any spares! I
+was in the Mess yesterday when the English papers we get from Amsterdam
+arrived. Oh! a pretty surprise awaited the first man who opened _The
+Times_. These English had published the names of 150 U-boat commanders
+they had caught. There they all were. Christian names and all complete.
+The only thing missing was a blank space in which to fill in our names
+when the time comes.
+
+Dinner was a silent meal last night, and next morning some rat of a
+Belgian had posted the list on the gatepost of the Mess. The machine
+has offered five hundred marks for his apprehension--how foolish; as if
+by shooting him they would take any names off the long list.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am to sail at dawn tomorrow. I shall not be sorry to get away for a
+space from this place with its mingled memories of delight and death.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Back again, and I haven't written a word for three weeks.
+
+My billet last trip was off Finisterre. I sighted two convoys, but
+there were destroyers there; they are so black and swift I don't go
+near them.
+
+I don't want to die in a U-boat. It's not worth while. It is easy to
+avoid these convoys. I dive and make a great fuss of attacking, then I
+steer divergently. Nobody knows where the enemy is except me; I am the
+only one who looks through the periscope--I take good care of that. And
+then how I curse and swear when I announce that the convoy has altered
+course, and there is no chance of getting in to attack. None of them
+are so disappointed as I am!
+
+The mines get on my nerves, there is no way of dodging them, and Lord!
+how they sprout on the Flanders coast.
+
+I am to go out in six days. It is very little rest. I believe they want
+to kill me. But I won't die! Not I.
+
+I went to her grave yesterday for the first time. I had thought I
+should weep, but I did not; in fact it left me quite unmoved. I feel
+she's not really dead; she comes to me sometimes, always at night when
+I am alone and when we are at sea. There's nothing very tangible, but I
+catch an echo of her voice in the surge of the sea along the casing, or
+the sound of the breeze as it plays along the aerial. And so I will not
+die until she calls me, for up to the present her messages have told me
+to live and endure.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A very awkward incident took place last night. We were off the Naze and
+saw a steamer some distance away.
+
+We dived to attack. When we were about a mile away I had a look at her,
+and something about her put me off. I half thought she was a decoy
+ship, and I privately determined I would not attack. I steered a course
+which brought me well on her quarter, and as soon as I saw that it was
+impossible to get into position to fire I increased speed on the
+engines and shook the whole boat in efforts which were ostensibly
+directed to getting her into position. At length I eased speed and
+bitterly exclaimed that my luck was out.
+
+The First Lieutenant suggested that we should give her gunfire, but I
+pointed out that I had good reason to suspect her of being a wolf in
+sheep's clothing, and as he had not seen her he could hardly question
+my judgment. I was going forward, when I accidentally overheard the
+Navigator and the Engineer talking in the wardroom. I listened.
+
+The Engineer said: "The Captain doesn't seem to have the luck he used
+to command."
+
+"Or else he has lost skill!" replied Ebert. "We never fired a torpedo
+at all last trip, and it looks as if we are following that precedent
+this time."
+
+I had heard enough, and, without their realizing my presence, I
+returned to the control room. I considered the situation, and came to
+the conclusion that they suspected nothing, but it was evident that
+their minds were running on lines of thought which might be dangerous.
+I looked at my watch and saw that there was still two hours of daylight
+left, and then decided to play a trick on them all. I relieved the
+First Lieutenant at the periscope, and when a decent interval of about
+half an hour had elapsed I saw a ship. This vessel of my imagination, a
+veritable Flying Dutchman in fact, I proceeded to attack, and, after
+about twenty minutes of frequent alterations of speed and course, I
+electrified the boat by bringing the bow tubes to the ready.
+
+The usual delay was most artistically arranged, and then I fired. With
+secret amusement I watched the two expensive weapons of war rushing
+along, but destined to sink ingloriously in the ocean, instead of
+burying themselves in the vitals of a ship. An oath from myself and an
+order to take the boat to twenty metres.
+
+With gloomy countenance I curtly remarked: "The port torpedo broke
+surface and then dived underneath her, the starboard one missed
+astern."
+
+So far all had gone well, but ten minutes later I nearly made a fatal
+error. We had been diving for several hours, the atmosphere was bad,
+and as it was dusk I decided to come up, ventilate, and put a charge on
+the batteries. I gave the necessary orders, and was on my way up the
+conning tower to open the outer hatch. The coxswain had just announced
+that the boat was on the surface, when a terrible thought paralysed me,
+and I clung helplessly to the ladder trying to think out the situation.
+
+It had just occurred to me that as soon as the officers and crew came
+on deck they would naturally look for the steamer we had recently fired
+at; this ship in the time interval which had elapsed would still be in
+sight.
+
+As I came down, the First Lieutenant was at the periscope, looking
+round the horizon. Quickly I thrust the youth from the eyepiece, and,
+as calmly as I could, said: "I thought I heard propellers."
+
+Half an hour later we surfaced for the night. I have been wondering
+ever since whether they suspect, for the three of them were talking in
+the wardroom after dinner and stopped suddenly when I came in.
+
+I must be careful in future.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I was sent for this morning by the Commodore's office, and handed my
+appointment as Senior Lieutenant at the barracks Wilhelmshafen.
+
+No explanation, though I suspected something of the sort was coming, as
+three days after we got in from my last trip I was examined by the
+medical board attached to the flotilla.
+
+So I am to leave the U-boat service, and leave it under a cloud! It is
+a sad come-down from Captain of a U-boat to Lieutenant in barracks, a
+job reserved for the medically unfit for sea service.
+
+Am I sorry? No, I think I am glad. Life here at Bruges is one long
+painful episode. No one speaks to me in the Mess. I am left severely
+alone with my memories. The night before last I found a revolver in my
+room, and attached to it was a piece of paper bearing the words: "From
+a friend."
+
+Perhaps at Wilhelmshafen it will be different, and yet, when I went
+down to the boat at noon and collected my personal affairs and stepped
+over her side for the last time, I could not check a feeling of great
+sadness. We had endured much together, my boat and I, and the parting
+was hard.
+
+
+
+
+ _At Barracks_.
+
+
+As I suspected when I was appointed here, my job is deadly to a degree,
+and my main duty is to sign leave passes.
+
+Our great effort in France has failed, and now the Allies react
+furiously. The great war machine is strained to its utmost capacity;
+can it endure the load?
+
+Our proper move is to paralyse the Allied offensive by striking with
+all our naval weight at his cross-channel communications. The U-boat
+war is too slow, and time is not on our side, whilst a hammer blow down
+the Channel might do great things. But we have no naval imagination,
+and who am I, that I should advance an opinion?
+
+A discredited Lieutenant in barracks--that's all.
+
+Worse and worse--there are rumours of troubles in the Fleet taking
+place under certain conditions.
+
+It is the beginning of the end!
+
+Last night the High Seas Fleet were ordered to weigh at 8 a.m. this
+morning.
+
+A mutiny broke out in the _König_ and quickly spread.
+
+By 9 a.m. half a dozen ships were flying the red flag, and to-day
+Wilhelmshafen is being administered by the Council of Soldiers and
+Sailors.
+
+There has been little disorder; the men have been unanimous in
+declaring that they would not go to sea for a last useless massacre, a
+last oblation on the bloodstained altars of war.
+
+Can they be blamed? Of what use would such sacrifice be?
+
+Yet to an officer it is all very sad and disheartening.
+
+I have seen enough to sicken me of the whole German system of making
+war, and yet if the call came I know I would gladly go forth and die
+when _tout est perdu fors l'honneur_.
+
+Such instincts are bred deep into the men of families such as mine.
+
+We approach the culmination of events. To-day Germany has called for an
+armistice. It has been inevitable since our Allies began falling away
+from us like rotten print.
+
+The terms will doubtless be hard.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Heavens above! but the terms are crushing!
+
+All the U-boats to be surrendered, the High Seas Fleet interned; why
+not say "surrendered" straight out, it will come to that, unless we
+blow them up in German ports.
+
+The end of Kaiserdom has come; we are virtually a republic; it is all
+like a dream.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We have signed, and the last shot of the world-war has been fired.
+
+Here everything is confusion; the saner elements are trying to keep
+order, the roughs are going round the dockyard and ships, looting
+freely.
+
+"Better we should steal them than the English," and "There is no
+Government, so all is free," are two of their cries.
+
+There has been a little shooting in the streets, and it is not safe for
+officers to move about in uniform, though, on the whole, I have
+experienced little difficulty.
+
+I was summoned to-day before the Local Council, which is run by a man
+who was a Petty Officer of signals in the _König_. He recognized me and
+looked away.
+
+I was instructed to take U.122 over to Harwich for surrender to the
+English.
+
+I made no difficulty; some one has got to do it, and I verily believe I
+am indifferent to all emotions.
+
+We sail in convoy on the day after tomorrow; that is to say, if the
+crew condescend to fuel the boat in time. Three looters were executed
+to-day in the dockyard and this has had a steadying effect on the worst
+elements.
+
+       *       *       *       *      *
+
+I went on board 122 to-day, and on showing my authority which was
+signed by the Council (which has now become the Council of Soldiers,
+Sailors and Workmen), the crew of the boat held a meeting at which I
+was not invited to be present.
+
+At its conclusion the coxswain came up to me and informed me that a
+resolution had been carried by seventeen votes to ten, to the effect
+that I was to be obeyed as Captain of the boat.
+
+I begged him to convey to the crew my gratification, and expressed the
+hope that I should give satisfaction.
+
+I am afraid the sarcasm was quite lost on them.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are within sixty miles of Harwich and I expect to sight the English
+cruisers any moment.
+
+I wrote some days ago that I was incapable of any emotion.
+
+I was wrong, as I have been so often during the last two years.
+
+In fact, I have come to the conclusion that I am no psychologist--I
+don't believe we Germans are any good at psychology, and that's the
+root reason why we've failed.
+
+I do feel emotion--it's terrible; the shame--the humiliation is
+unbearable.
+
+I wonder how the English will behave? What a day of triumph for them.
+
+The signalman has just come down and reported British cruisers right
+ahead; it will soon be over. I must go up on deck and exercise my
+functions as elected Captain of U.122, and representative of Germany in
+defeat. One last effort is demanded, and then----
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE_
+
+
+_This is the last sentence in the diary. It is probable that he suddenly
+had to hurry on deck and in the subsequent confusion forgot to rescue
+his diary from the locker in which he had thrust it_.
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER ***
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Diary of a U-Boat Commander, by Anonymous
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Diary of a U-Boat Commander
+
+Author: Anonymous
+
+Posting Date: January 28, 2011 [EBook #7947]
+Release Date: April, 2005
+First Posted: June 4, 2003
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Eric Eldred, Marvin A. Hodges, Charles Franks,
+and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER
+
+WITH AN INTRODUCTION AND EXPLANATORY NOTES BY ETIENNE
+
+AND
+
+_18 Illustrations on Art Paper by Frank H. Mason._
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife
+through cheese."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+BOOKS BY ETIENNE
+
+STRANGE TALES FROM THE FLEET
+
+A NAVAL LIEUTENANT
+
+1914--1918.
+
+"In collaboration with Navallus.
+
+Five Songs from the Grand Fleet."
+
+[Illustration: "...they are so black and swift I don't go near them."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+"We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife through
+cheese"
+
+"...they are so black and swift I don't go near them"
+
+"Steering north-westerly ... to lay a small minefield off Newcastle"
+
+"He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer approaching at full
+speed to ram"
+
+"We were put down by a trawler at dawn"
+
+"The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of
+the steamer and had then dived under her"
+
+"A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck the bottom"
+
+"As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam"
+
+"We hit her aft for the second time...."
+
+"The track met our ram"
+
+"In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower"
+
+"The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down"
+
+"Good-bye! Steer west for America!"
+
+"It is a snug anchorage, and here I intend to remain"
+
+"A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign was broken at the
+fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure that was revealed
+on her side"
+
+"I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers there...."
+
+"... when there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with
+moaning fragments"
+
+"When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed
+with patrols"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+
+"I would ask you a favour," said the German captain, as we sat in the
+cabin of a U-boat which had just been added to the long line of
+bedraggled captives which stretched themselves for a mile or more in
+Harwich Harbour, in November, 1918.
+
+I made no reply; I had just granted him a favour by allowing him to
+leave the upper deck of the submarine, in order that he might await the
+motor launch in some sort of privacy; why should he ask for more?
+
+Undeterred by my silence, he continued: "I have a great friend,
+Lieutenant-zu-See Von Schenk, who brought U.122 over last week; he has
+lost a diary, quite private, he left it in error; can he have it?"
+
+I deliberated, felt a certain pity, then remembered the _Belgian
+Prince_ and other things, and so, looking the German in the face, I
+said:
+
+"I can do nothing."
+
+"Please."
+
+I shook my head, then, to my astonishment, the German placed his head
+in his hands and wept, his massive frame (for he was a very big man)
+shook in irregular spasms; it was a most extraordinary spectacle.
+
+It seemed to me absurd that a man who had suffered, without visible
+emotion, the monstrous humiliation of handing over his command intact,
+should break down over a trivial incident concerning a diary, and not
+even his own diary, and yet there was this man crying openly before me.
+
+It rather impressed me, and I felt a curious shyness at being present,
+as if I had stumbled accidentally into some private recess of his mind.
+I closed the cabin door, for I heard the voices of my crew approaching.
+
+He wept for some time, perhaps ten minutes, and I wished very much to
+know of what he was thinking, but I couldn't imagine how it would be
+possible to find out.
+
+I think that my behaviour in connection with his friend's diary added
+the last necessary drop of water to the floods of emotion which he had
+striven, and striven successfully, to hold in check during the agony of
+handing over the boat, and now the dam had crumbled and broken away.
+
+It struck me that, down in the brilliantly-lit, stuffy little cabin,
+the result of the war was epitomized. On the table were some
+instruments I had forbidden him to remove, but which my first
+lieutenant had discovered in the engineer officer's bag.
+
+On the settee lay a cheap, imitation leather suit-case, containing his
+spare clothes and a few books. At the table sat Germany in defeat,
+weeping, but not the tears of repentance, rather the tears of bitter
+regret for humiliations undergone and ambitions unrealized.
+
+We did not speak again, for I heard the launch come alongside, and, as
+she bumped against the U-boat, the noise echoed through the hull into
+the cabin, and aroused him from his sorrows. He wiped his eyes, and,
+with an attempt at his former hardiness, he followed me on deck and
+boarded the motor launch.
+
+Next day I visited U.122, and these papers are presented to the public,
+with such additional remarks as seemed desirable; for some curious
+reason the author seems to have omitted nearly all dates. This may have
+been due to the fear that the book, if captured, would be of great
+value to the British Intelligence Department if the entries were dated.
+The papers are in the form of two volumes in black leather binding,
+with a long letter inside the cover of the second volume.
+
+_Internal evidence has permitted me to add the dates as regards the
+years. My thanks are due to K. for assistance in translation_.
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Diary of a U-boat Commander
+
+
+
+
+One volume of my war-journal completed, and I must confess it is dull
+reading.
+
+I could not help smiling as I read my enthusiastic remarks at the
+outbreak of war, when we visualized battles by the week. What a
+contrast between our expectations and the actual facts.
+
+Months of monotony, and I haven't even seen an Englishman yet.
+
+Our battle cruisers have had a little amusement with the coast raids at
+Scarborough and elsewhere, but we battle-fleet fellows have seen
+nothing, and done nothing.
+
+So I have decided to volunteer for the U-boat service, and my name went
+in last week, though I am told it may be months before I am taken, as
+there are about 250 lieutenants already on the waiting list.
+
+But sooner or later I suppose something will come of it.
+
+I shall have no cause to complain of inactivity in that Service, if I
+get there.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am off to-night for a six-days trip, two days of which are to be
+spent in the train, to the Verdun sector.
+
+It has been a great piece of luck. The trip had been arranged by the
+Military and Naval Inter-communication Department; and two officers
+from this squadron were to go.
+
+There were 130 candidates, so we drew lots; as usual I was lucky and
+drew one of the two chances.
+
+It should be intensely interesting.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_At_ ----
+
+
+I arrived here last night after a slow and tiresome journey, which was
+somewhat alleviated by an excellent bottle of French wine which I
+purchased whilst in the Champagne district.
+
+Long before we reached the vicinity of Verdun it was obvious to the
+most casual observer that we were heading for a centre of unusual
+activity.
+
+Hospital trains travelling north-east and east were numerous, and twice
+our train, which was one of the ordinary military trains, was shunted
+on to a siding to allow troop trains to rumble past.
+
+As we approached Verdun the noise of artillery, which I had heard
+distantly once or twice during the day, as the casual railway train
+approached the front, became more intense and grew from a low murmur
+into a steady noise of a kind of growling description, punctuated at
+irregular intervals by very deep booms as some especially heavy piece
+was discharged, or an ammunition dump went up.
+
+The country here is very different from the mud flats of Flanders, as
+it is hilly and well wooded. The Meuse, in the course of centuries, has
+cut its way through the rampart of hills which surround Verdun, and we
+are attacking the place from three directions. On the north we are
+slowly forcing the French back on either river bank--a very costly
+proceeding, as each wing must advance an equal amount, or the one that
+advances is enfiladed from across the river.
+
+We are also slowly creeping forward from the east and north-east in the
+direction of Douaumont.
+
+I am attached to a 105-cm. battery, a young Major von Markel in
+command, a most charming fellow. I spent all to-day in the advanced
+observing position with a young subaltern called Grabel, also a nice
+young fellow. I was in position at 6 a.m., and, as apparently is common
+here, mist hides everything from view until the sun attains a certain
+strength. Our battery was supporting the attack on the north side of
+the river, though the battery itself was on the south side, and firing
+over a hill called L'Homme Mort.
+
+Von Markel told me that the fighting here has not been previously
+equalled in the war, such is the intensity of the combat and the price
+each side is paying.
+
+I could see for myself that this was so, and the whole atmosphere of
+the place is pregnant with the supreme importance of this struggle,
+which may well be the dying convulsions of decadent France.
+
+His Imperial Majesty himself has arrived on the scene to witness the
+final triumph of our arms, and all agree that the end is imminent.
+
+Once we get Verdun, it is the general opinion that this portion of the
+French front will break completely, carrying with it the adjacent
+sectors, and the French Armies in the Vosges and Argonne will be
+committed to a general retreat on converging lines.
+
+But, favourable as this would be to us, it is generally considered here
+that the fall of Verdun will break the moral resistance of the French
+nation.
+
+The feeling is, that infinitely more is involved than the capture of a
+French town, or even the destruction of a French Army; it is a question
+of stamina; it is the climax of the world war, the focal point of the
+colossal struggle between the Latin and the Teuton, and on the
+battlefields of Verdun the gods will decide the destinies of nations.
+
+When I got to the forward observing position, which was situated among
+the ruins of a house, a most amazing noise made conversation difficult.
+
+The orchestra was in full blast and something approaching 12,000 pieces
+of all sizes were in action on our side alone, this being the greatest
+artillery concentration yet effected during the war.
+
+We were situated on one side of a valley which ran up at right angles
+to the river, whose actual course was hidden by mist, which also
+obscured the bottom of our valley. The front line was down in this
+little valley, and as I arrived we lifted our barrage on to the far
+hill-side to cover an attack which we were delivering at dawn.
+
+Nothing could be seen of the conflict down below, but after half an
+hour we received orders to bring back our barrage again, and Grabel
+informed me that the attack had evidently failed. This afternoon I
+heard that it was indeed so, and that one division (the 58th), which
+had tried to work along the river bank and outflank the hill, had been
+caught by a concentration of six batteries of French 75's, which were
+situated across the river. The unfortunate 58th, forced back from the
+river-side, had heroically fought their way up the side of the hill,
+only to encounter our barrage, which, owing to the mist, we thought was
+well above and ahead of where they would be.
+
+Under this fresh blow the 58th had retired to their trenches at the
+bottom of the small valley. As the day warmed up the mist disappeared,
+and, like a theatre curtain, the lifting of this veil revealed the
+whole scene in its terrible and yet mechanical splendour.
+
+I say mechanical, for it all seemed unreal to me. I knew I should not
+see cavalry charges, guns in the open, and all the old-world panoply of
+war, but I was not prepared for this barren and shell-torn circle of
+hills, continually being freshly, and, to an uninformed observer,
+aimlessly lashed by shell fire.
+
+Not a man in sight, though below us the ground was thickly strewn with
+corpses. Overhead a few aeroplanes circled round amidst balls of white
+shell bursts.
+
+During the day the slow-circling aeroplanes (which were artillery
+observing machines) were galvanized into frightful activity by the
+sudden appearance of a fighting machine on one side or the other; this
+happened several times; it reminded me of a pike amongst young trout.
+
+After lunch I saw a Spad shot down in flames, it was like Lucifer
+falling down from high heavens. The whole scene was enframed by a
+sluggish line of observation balloons.
+
+Sometimes groups of these would hastily sink to earth, to rise again
+when the menace of the aeroplane had passed. These balloons seemed more
+like phlegmatic spectators at some athletic contest than actual
+participants in the events.
+
+I wish my pen could convey to paper the varied impressions created
+within my mind in the course of the past day; but it cannot. I have the
+consolation that, though I think that I have considerable ability as a
+writer, yet abler pens than mine have abandoned in despair the task of
+describing a modern battle.
+
+I can but reiterate that the dominant impression that remains is of the
+mechanical nature of this business of modern war, and yet such an
+impression is a false one, for as in the past so to-day, and so in the
+future, it is the human element which is, has been, and will be the
+foundation of all things.
+
+Once only in the course of the day did I see men in any numbers, and
+that was when at 3 p.m. the French were detected massing for a
+counter-attack on the south side of the river. It was doomed to be
+still-born. As they left their trenches, distant pigmy figures in
+horizon blue, apparently plodding slowly across the ground, they were
+lashed by an intensive barrage and the little figures were obliterated
+in a series of spouting shell bursts.
+
+Five minutes later the barrage ceased, the smoke drifted away and not a
+man was to be seen. Grabel told me that it had probably cost them 750
+casualties. What an amazing and efficient destruction of living
+organism!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Another most interesting day, though of a different nature.
+
+To-day was spent witnessing the arrangements for dealing with the
+wounded. I spent the morning at an advanced dressing station on the
+south bank of the river. It was in a cellar, beneath the ruins of a
+house, about 400 yards from the front line and under heavy shell-fire,
+as close at hand was the remains of what had been a wood, which was
+being used as a concentration point for reserves.
+
+The cover afforded by this so-called wood was extremely slight, and the
+troops were concentrating for the innumerable attacks and
+counter-attacks which were taking place under shell fire. This caused
+the surgeon in charge of the cellar to describe the wood as our main
+supply station!
+
+I entered the cellar at 8 a.m., taking advantage of a partial lull in
+the shelling, but a machine-gun bullet viciously flipped into a wooden
+beam at the entrance as I ducked to go in. I was not sorry to get
+underground. A sloping path brought me into the cellar, on one side of
+which sappers were digging away the earth to increase the
+accommodation.
+
+The illumination consisted of candles set in bottles and some electric
+hand lamps. The centre of the cellar was occupied by two portable
+operating tables, rarely untenanted during the three hours I spent in
+this hell.
+
+The atmosphere--for there was no ventilation--stank of sweat, blood,
+and chloroform.
+
+By a powerful effort I countered my natural tendency to vomit, and
+looked around me. The sides of the cellar were lined with figures on
+stretchers. Some lay still and silent, others writhed and groaned. At
+intervals, one of the attendants would call the doctor's attention to
+one of the still forms. A hasty examination ensued, and the stretcher
+and its contents were removed. A few minutes later the
+stretcher--empty--returned. The surgeon explained to me that there was
+no room for corpses in the cellar; business, he genially remarked, was
+too brisk at the present crucial stage of the great battle.
+
+The first feelings of revulsion having been mastered, I determined to
+make the most of my opportunities, as I have always felt that the naval
+officer is at a great disadvantage in war as compared with his
+military brother, in that he but rarely has a chance of accustoming
+himself to the unpleasant spectacle of torn flesh and bones.
+
+This morning there was no lack of material, and many of the intestinal
+wounds were peculiarly revolting, so that at lunch-time, when another
+convenient lull in the torrent of shell fire enabled me to leave the
+cellar, I felt thoroughly hardened; in fact I had assisted in a humble
+degree at one or two operations.
+
+I had lunch at the 11th Army Medical Headquarters Mess, and it was a
+sumptuous meal to which I did full justice.
+
+After lunch, whilst waiting to be motored to a field hospital, I
+happened to see a battalion of Silesian troops about to go up to the
+front line.
+
+It was rather curious feeling that one was looking at men, each in
+himself a unit of civilization, and yet many of whom were about to die
+in the interests thereof.
+
+Their faces were an interesting study.
+
+Some looked careless and debonair, and seemed to swing past with a
+touch of recklessness in their stride, others were grave and serious,
+and seemed almost to plod forward to the dictates of an inevitable
+fatalism.
+
+The field hospital, where we met some very charming nurses, on one of
+whom I think I created a distinct impression, was not particularly
+interesting. It was clean, well-organized and radiated the efficiency
+inseparable from the German Army.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Back at Wilhelmshaven--curse it!
+
+Yesterday morning, when about to start on a tour of the ammunition
+supply arrangements, I received an urgent wire recalling me at once!
+
+There was nothing for it but to obey.
+
+I was lucky enough to get a passage as far as Mons in an albatross
+scout which was taking dispatches to that place.
+
+From there I managed to bluff a motor car out of the town commandant--a
+most obliging fellow. This took me to Aachen where I got an express.
+
+The reason for my recall was that Witneisser went sick and Arnheim
+being away, this has left only two in the operations ciphering
+department.
+
+My arrival has made us three. It is pretty strenuous work and, being of
+a clerical nature, suits me little. The only consolation is that many
+of the messages are most interesting. I was looking through the back
+files the other day and amongst other interesting information I came
+across the wireless report from the boat that had sunk the _Lusitania_.
+
+It has always been a mystery to me why we sank her, as I do not believe
+those things pay.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Arnheim has come back, so I have got out of the ciphering department,
+to my great delight.
+
+I have received official information that my application for U-boats
+has been received. Meanwhile all there is to do is to sit at
+this ---- hole and wait.
+
+
+
+
+_2nd June_, 1916.
+
+
+I have fought in the greatest sea battle of the ages; it has been a
+wonderful and terrible experience.
+
+All the details of the battle will be history, but I feel that I must
+place on record my personal experiences.
+
+We have not escaped without marks, and the good old _König_ brought 67
+dead and 125 wounded into port as the price of the victory off
+Skajerack, but of the English there are thousands who slept their last
+sleep in the wrecked hulls of the battle cruisers which will rust for
+eternal ages upon the Jutland banks.
+
+Sad as our losses are--and the gallant _Lutzow_ has sunk in sight of
+home--I am filled with pride.
+
+We have met that great armada the British Fleet, we have struck them
+with a hammer blow and we have returned. I was asleep in my cabin when
+the news came that Hipper was coming south with the British battle
+cruisers on his beam. In five minutes we were at our action stations.
+We made contact with Hipper at 5.30 p.m., [1] and Beatty turned north
+with his cruisers and fast battleships and we pursued.
+
+[Footnote 1: This is 4.30 G.M.T.--Etienne]
+
+Two of the great ships had been sunk by our battle cruisers, and we had
+hopes of destroying the remainder, when at 6.55 the mist on the
+northern horizon was pierced by the formidable line of the British
+Battle Fleet.
+
+Jellicoe had arrived!
+
+Three battle cruisers became involved between the lines, and in an
+instant one was blown up, and another crawled west in a sinking
+condition. Sudden and terrible are events in a modern sea-battle.
+
+Confronted with the concentrated force of Britain's Battle Fleet we
+turned to east, and for twenty minutes our High Seas Fleet sustained
+the unequal contest.
+
+It was during this period that we were hit seventeen times by heavy
+shell, though, in my position in the after torpedo control tower, I
+only realized one hit had taken place, which was when a shell plunged
+into the after turret and, blowing the roof off, killed every member of
+the turret's crew.
+
+From my position, when the smoke and dust had blown away, I looked down
+into a mass of twisted machinery, amongst which I seemed to detect the
+charred remains of bodies.
+
+At about 7.40 we turned, under cover of our smoke screen, and steered
+south-west.
+
+Our position was not satisfactory, as the last information of the enemy
+reported them as turning to the southward; consequently they were
+between us and Heligoland.
+
+At 11 p.m. we received a signal for divisions of battle fleets to steer
+independently for the Horn Reef swept channel.
+
+Ten minutes later we underwent the first of five destroyer attacks.
+
+The British destroyers, searching wide in the night, had located us,
+and with desperate gallantry pressed home the attack again and again.
+So close did they come that about 1.30 a.m. we rammed one, passing
+through her like a knife through a cheese.
+
+It was a wonderful spectacle to see those sinister craft, rushing madly
+to their destruction down the bright beam of our powerful searchlights.
+It was an avenue of death for them, but to the credit of their Service
+it must stand that throughout the long nightmare they did not hesitate.
+
+The surrounding darkness seemed to vomit forth flotilla after flotilla
+of these cavalry of the sea.
+
+And they struck us once, a torpedo right forward, which will keep us in
+dock for a month, but did no vital injury.
+
+When morning dawned, misty and soft, as is its way in June in the
+Bight, we were to the eastward of the British, and so we came
+honourably home to Wilhelmshaven, feeling that the young Navy had laid
+worthy foundations for its tradition to grow upon.
+
+We are to report at Kiel, and shall be six weeks upon the job.
+
+
+
+
+_Frankfurt_.
+
+
+Back on seventeen days' leave, and everyone here very anxious to hear
+details of the battle of Skajerack.
+
+It is very pleasant to have something to talk to the women about.
+Usually the gallant field greys hold the drawing-room floor, with their
+startling tales from the Western Front, of how they nearly took Verdun,
+and would have if the British hadn't insisted on being slaughtered on
+the Somme.
+
+It is quite impossible in many ways to tell that there is a war on as
+far as social life in this place is concerned.
+
+There is a shortage of good coffee and that is about all.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Arrived back on board last night.
+
+They have made a fine job of us, and we go through the canal to the
+Schillig Roads early next week.
+
+We are to do three weeks' gunnery practices from there, to train the
+new drafts.
+
+
+
+1916 (_about August_).
+
+At last! Thank Heavens, my application has been granted. Schmitt (the
+Secretary) told me this morning that a letter has come from the
+Admiralty to say that I am to present myself for medical examination at
+the board at Wilhelmshaven to-morrow.
+
+What joy! to strike a blow at last, finished for ever the cursed
+monotony of inactivity of this High Seas Fleet life. But the U-boat
+war! Ah! that goes well. We shall bring those stubborn, blood-sucking
+islanders to their knees by striking at them through their bellies.
+
+When I think of London and no food, and Glasgow and no food, then who
+can say what will happen? Revolt! rebellion in England, and our brave
+field greys on the west will smash them to atoms in the spring of 1917,
+and I, Karl Schenk, will have helped directly in this! Great
+thought--but calm! I am not there yet, there is still this confounded
+medical board. I almost wish I had not drunk so much last night, not
+that it makes any difference, but still one must run no risks, for I
+hear that the medical is terribly strict for the U-boat service. Only
+the cream is skimmed! Well, to-morrow we shall see.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Passed! and with flying colours; it seemed absurdly easy and only took
+ten minutes, but then my physique is magnificent, thanks to the
+physical training I have always done. I am now due to get three weeks'
+leave, and then to Zeebrugge.
+
+I have wired to the little mother at Frankfurt.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_At Zeebrugge, or rather Bruges._
+
+
+I spent three weeks at home, all the family are pleased except mother;
+she has a woman's dread of danger; it is a pleasing characteristic in
+peace time, but a cloy on pleasure in days of war. To her, with the
+narrowness of a female's intellect, I really believe I am of more
+importance than the Fatherland--how absurd. Whilst at Frankfurt I saw a
+good deal of Rosa; she seems better looking each time I meet her;
+doubtless she is still developing to full womanhood. Moritz was home
+from Flanders. He had ten days' leave from Ypres, and, though I have a
+dislike for him, he certainly was interesting, though why the English
+cling to those wretched ruins is more than I can understand.
+
+I felt instinctively that in a sense Moritz and I were rivals where
+Rosa was concerned, though I have never considered her in that
+light--as yet. One day, perhaps? These women are much the same
+everywhere, and I could see that having entered the U-boat service made
+a difference with Rosa, though her logic should have told her that I
+was no different. But is that right? After all, it is something to have
+joined this service; the Guards themselves have no better cachet, and
+it is certainly cheaper.
+
+Here we live in billets and in a commandeered hotel. The life ashore is
+pleasant enough; the damned Belgians are sometimes sulky, but they know
+who is master. Bissing (a splendid chap) sees to that.
+
+As a matter of fact we have benefited them by our occupation, the shops
+do a roaring trade at preposterous prices, and shamefully enough the
+German shopkeepers are most guilty. These pot-bellied merchants don't
+seem to realize that they exist owing to our exertions.
+
+I was much struck with the beautiful orderliness of the small gardens
+which we have laid out since 1914, and, in fact, wherever one looks
+there is evidence of the genius of the German race for thorough
+organization. Yet these Belgians don't seem to appreciate it. I can't
+understand it.
+
+I find here that social life is very much gayer than at that mad town
+of Wilhelmshaven. At the High Seas Fleet bases there was the strictness
+and austerity that some people seem to consider necessary to show that
+we are at war, though Heaven knows there was precious little war in the
+High Seas Fleet; perhaps that was why the "blood and iron" régime was
+in full order ashore. Here, in Bruges, at any rate as far as the
+submarine officers are concerned, the matter is far different. When the
+boats are in, one seems to do as one likes, with a perfunctory visit to
+the ship in the course of the day.
+
+Witnitz (the Commodore) favours complete relaxation when in from a
+trip. In the evenings there are parties, for which there are always
+ladies, and I find it is necessary to have a "smoking."[1] I went to
+the best tailor to buy one, and found that I must have one made at the
+damnable price of 140 marks; the fitter, an oily Jew, had the
+incredible impertinence to assure me it would be cut on London lines!
+
+[Footnote 1: A dinner jacket.]
+
+I nearly felled him to the ground; can one never get away from England
+and things English? I'll see his account waits a bit before I settle
+it.
+
+There are several fellows I know here. Karl Müller, who was 3rd
+watchkeeper in the _Yorck_, and Adolf Hilfsbaumer, who was captain of
+G.176, are the two I know best. They are both doing a few trips as
+second in commands of the later U.C. boats, which are mine-laying off
+the English coasts. This is a most dangerous operation, and nearly all
+the U.C. boats are commanded by reserve officers, of whom there are a
+good many in the Mess.
+
+Excellent fellows, no doubt, but somewhat uncouth and lacking the finer
+points of breeding; as far as I can see in the short time I have been
+here they keep themselves to themselves a good deal. I certainly don't
+wish to mix with them. Unfortunately, it appears that I am almost bound
+to be appointed as second in command of one of the U.C. boats, for at
+least one trip before I go to the periscope school and train for a
+command of my own. The idea of being bottled up in an elongated cigar
+and under the command of one of those nautical plough-boys is
+repellent. However, the Von Schenks have never been too proud to obey
+in order to learn how to command.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have been appointed second in command to U.C.47. Her captain is one
+Max Alten by name. Beyond the fact that I saw him drunk one night in
+the Mess I know nothing of him.
+
+I reported to him and he seems rather in awe of me. His fears are
+groundless.
+
+I shall make it as easy as possible for him, for it must be as awkward
+for him as it is unpleasant for me.
+
+To celebrate my proper entry into the U-boat service, I gave a dinner
+party last night in a private room at "Le Coq d'Or." I asked Karl and
+Adolf, and told them to bring three girls. My opposite number was a
+lovely girl called Zoe something or other. I wore my "smoking" for the
+first time; it is certainly a becoming costume.
+
+We drank a good deal of champagne and had a very pleasant little
+debauch; the girls got very merry, and I kissed Zoe once. She was not
+very angry. I think she is thoroughly charming, and I have accepted an
+invitation to take tea at her flat. She is either the wife or the chère
+amie of a colonel in the Brandenburgers, I could not make out which.
+Luckily the gallant "Cockchafer" is at the moment on the La Bassée
+sector, where I was interested to observe that heavy fighting has
+broken out to-day. I must console the fair Zoe!
+
+Both Karl and Adolf got rather drunk, Adolf hopelessly so, but I, as
+usual, was hardly affected. I have a head of iron, provided the liquor
+is good, and _I_ saw to that point.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We were sailing, or rather going down the canal to Zeebrugge on Friday,
+but the starting resistance of the port main motor burnt out and we
+were delayed till Sunday, as they will fit a new one.
+
+I must confess the organization for repair work here is admirable, as
+very little is done by the crews in the U-boats, all work being carried
+out by the permanent staff, who are quartered at Bruges docks. Taking
+advantage of the delay I called on Zoe Stein, as I find she is named.
+
+It appears she is _not_ married to Colonel Stein. She told me he was
+fat and ugly, and laughed a good deal about him. She showed me his
+photograph, and certainly he is no beauty. However, he must be a man of
+means, as he has given her a charming flat, beautifully decorated with
+water-colours which the Colonel salved from the French château in the
+early days--these army fellows had all the chances.
+
+I bade an affectionate farewell to Zoe, and I trust Stein will be still
+busily engaged at La Bassée when I return in a fortnight's time! I am
+greatly obliged to Karl for the introduction, and told him so; he
+himself is running after a little grass widow whose husband has been
+missing for some months. I think Karl finds it an expensive game;
+luckily Zoe seems well supplied with money--the essential ingredient in
+a joyous life.
+
+On Friday night we had an air-raid--a frequent event here, but my first
+experience in this line. Unpleasant, but a fine spectacle, considerable
+damage done near the docks and an unexploded bomb fell in a street near
+our headquarters.
+
+Two machines (British) brought down in flames. I saw the green balls
+[1] for the first time. A most fascinating sight to see them floating
+up in waving chains into the vault of heaven; they reminded me of
+making daisy chains as a child.
+
+[Footnote 1: Known as "Flying-onions."]
+
+
+
+
+_At Zeebrugge_.
+
+
+We are alongside the mole in one of the new submarine shelters that has
+been built.
+
+The boat is under a concrete roof over three feet thick, which would
+defy the heaviest bomb.
+
+We have much improved the port since our arrival. The port, so-called,
+is purely artificial, and actually consists of a long mole with a
+gentle curve in it, which reaches out to seaward and protects the mouth
+of the canal. The tides are very strong up and down the coast, and
+constant dredging is carried out to keep 20 feet of water over the sill
+at the lock gates.
+
+On arrival last night we went straight into No. 11 shelter, as an
+air-raid was expected, but nothing happened, so I went up to the
+"Flandre," which seems to be the best hotel here, full of submarine
+people, and I heard many interesting stories. There seems no doubt this
+U-boat war is dangerous work; I find the U.C. boats are beginning to be
+called the Suicide Club, after the famous English story of that name,
+which, curiously enough, I saw on the kinematograph at Frankfurt last
+leave. We Germans are extraordinarily broad-minded; I doubt if the
+works of German authors are seen on the screens in England or France.
+
+The news from the West is good, the English are hurling themselves to
+destruction against our steel front. We are now to load up with mines.
+I must stop writing to superintend this work.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea. Near the South Dogger Light._
+
+
+We loaded up the ten mines we carry in an hour and five minutes. They
+were lifted from a railway truck by a big crane and delicately lowered
+into the mine tubes, of which we have five in the bows.
+
+The tubes extend from the upper deck of the ship to her keel, and slope
+aft to facilitate release. Having completed with fuel at Bruges, we
+took in a store of provisions and Alten went up to the Commodore's
+office to get our sailing orders.
+
+We sailed at 6 p.m. and at last I felt I was off. To-day, the 22nd, we
+are just north of the South Dogger, steering north-westerly at 9-1/2
+knots.
+
+The sea is quite calm and everything is very pleasant. Our mission is
+to lay a small minefield off Newcastle in the East Coast war channel. I
+have, of course, never been to sea for any length of time in a U-boat,
+and it is all very novel.
+
+I find the roar of the Diesel engine very relentless, and last night
+slept badly in a wretched bunk, which was a poor substitute for my
+lovely quarters in the barracks at Wilhelmshaven. One thing I
+appreciate, and that is the food; it is really excellent: fresh milk,
+fresh butter, white bread and many other luxuries.
+
+I have spent most of the day picking up things about the boat. Her
+general arrangement is as follows:
+
+Starting in the bows, mine tubes occupy the centre of the boat, leaving
+two narrow passages, one each side. In the port passage is the wireless
+cabinet and signal flag lockers, with store rooms underneath. In the
+starboard passage are one or two small pumps and the kitchen.
+
+The next compartment contains four bunks, two each side, these are
+occupied by Alten, myself, the engineer, and the Navigating Warrant
+Officer. Proceeding further aft one enters the control room, in which
+one periscope is situated, and the necessary valves and pumps for
+diving the boat.
+
+The next compartment is the crew space; ten of the company exist here.
+
+Overhead on each side is the gear for releasing the torpedoes from the
+external torpedo tubes, of which we carry one each side. I think we
+borrowed this idea from the Russians.
+
+Then comes the engine-room, an inferno of rattling noises, but
+excellent engines, I believe. At the after end of the engine-room are
+the two main switchboards, of whose manner of working I am at present
+in some ignorance.
+
+The two main sets of electric motors are underneath the boards, in the
+stern, where we have a third torpedo tube.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I had hardly written the above words when a message came that the
+captain would like me to come to the bridge.
+
+I went up in a leisurely fashion, through the conning tower, which is
+over the control room, and reported myself. He indicated a low-lying
+patch of smoke on the horizon far away on the starboard bow. I was
+obliged to confess that it conveyed nothing to me, when he aroused my
+intense interest by stating that it was, without doubt, being emitted
+from a British submarine, who are known to frequent these waters. He
+was proceeding away from us, and was, even then, six or seven miles
+away, so an attack was out of the question. The engineer, who had
+joined us, drew my attention to the thin wisp of almost invisible
+blue-grey smoke from our own stern. The contrast was certainly
+striking!
+
+Over dinner I gave it as my opinion that the British boats were pretty
+useless. Alten would not agree, and stated that, though in certain
+technical aspects they were in a position of inferiority, yet in
+personnel and skill in attacking they were fully our equals. He seemed
+to hold them in considerable respect, and he remarked that, when making
+a passage, he was more anxious on their account than in any other way.
+He informed me that, on the last passage he made, he was attacked by a
+British boat which he never saw, the only indication he received being
+a torpedo which jumped out of the water almost over his tail. Luckily
+it was very rough at the time, which made the torpedo run erratically,
+otherwise they would undoubtedly have been hit.
+
+What appeared to astonish him was the fact that the British boat had
+been able to make an attack in such weather. We are now charging on one
+engine, 500 amperes on each half-battery.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are due back at Zeebrugge at 10 p.m. to-night. We should have been
+in at dawn to-day, but we received a wireless from the senior officer,
+Zeebrugge, to say that mine-laying was suspected, and we were to wait
+till the "Q.R." channel, from the Blankenberg buoy, had been swept. We
+lay in the bottom for eight hours, a few miles from the western end of
+the channel.
+
+Our trip was quite successful, but not without certain excitements.
+
+On the night of the 23rd we passed fairly close to a fishing fleet on
+the Dogger Bank, and saw the lights of several steamers in the
+distance. As our first business was to lay our mines in the appointed
+place, we did not worry them.
+
+We burnt usual navigation lights, or rather side lights which appear to
+be usual, except that, by a little fitting which Alten has made
+himself, the arcs of bearing on which the lights show can be changed at
+will. His idea is that, should we appear to be approaching a steamer
+which he wishes to avoid, in many cases, by shining a little more or
+less red and green light, we can make her think that we are a steamer
+on such a course that it is her duty by the rules of the road to keep
+clear of us.
+
+He tells me it has worked on several occasions, and he has also found
+it useful to have two small auxiliary side lights fitted which are the
+wrong colours for the sides they are on. It is, of course, only neutral
+shipping which carry lights nowadays, though Alten says that many
+British ships are still incredibly careless in the matter of lights.
+
+However, to resume my account of what happened. We reached our position
+at dawn or slightly after, the weather was beautifully calm and the sea
+like glass. As we were only three miles from the English coast, and
+close to the mouth of the Tyne, we were extraordinarily lucky to have
+nothing in sight, if one excepts a long smudge of smoke which trailed
+across the horizon to the southward.
+
+The land itself was obscured by early morning banks of mist, yet
+everything was so still that we actually faintly heard the whistle of a
+train. I could hardly restrain from suggesting to Alten that we should
+elevate the 10-cm. gun to fifteen degrees and fire a few rounds on to
+"proud Albion's virgin shores," but I did not do so as I felt fairly
+certain that he would not approve, and I do not wish to lay myself open
+to rebuffs from him after his behaviour concerning the smoking
+incident. I boil with rage at the thought, but again I digress.
+
+The fact that the land was obscured was favourable from the point of
+view that we were not worried by coast watchers, but unfavourable from
+the standpoint that we were unable to take bearings of anything and so
+ascertain our exact position.
+
+The importance of this point in submarine mine-laying is obvious, for,
+owing to our small cargo of eggs, it is quite possible that we may be
+sent here again, to lay an adjacent field, in which case it is highly
+desirable to know the exact position of one's previous effort.
+
+[Illustration: "Steering north-westerly...; to lay a small minefield
+off Newcastle."]
+
+[Illustration: "He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer
+approaching at full speed to ram."]
+
+We were somewhat assisted in our efforts to locate ourselves by the
+fact that a seven-fathom patch existed exactly where we had to lay. We
+picked up the edge of this bank with our sounding machine, and steering
+north half a mile, laid our mines in latitude--No! on second thoughts I
+will omit the precise position, for, though I shall take every
+precaution, there is no saying that through some misfortune this
+Journal might not get into the wrong hands.
+
+I am very glad I decided to keep these notes, as I shall take much
+pleasure in reading them when Victory crowns our efforts and the joys
+of a peaceful life return.
+
+I found it a delightful sensation being so close to the enemy coast, in
+his territorial waters, in fact. For the first time since the Skajerack
+battle I experienced the personal joys of war, the sensation of
+intimate and successful contact with the enemy, and the most hated
+enemy at that.
+
+We had hardly finished laying our eggs when a droning noise was heard.
+With marvellous celerity we dived, that damned fellow Alten, who, under
+these circumstances leaves the bridge last, treading on my fingers as
+he followed me down the conning tower ladder.
+
+The engineer endeavoured to sympathize with me, and made some idiotic
+remark about my being quicker when I had had more practice. I bit his
+head off. I can't stand this hail-fellow-well-met attitude in these
+U.C. boats, from any lout dressed in an officer's uniform. They
+wouldn't be holding commissions if it wasn't for the war, and they
+should remember that fact. I suppose they think I'm stand-offish. Well,
+if they had my family tree behind them they would understand.
+
+We dived to sixty feet, and then came up to twenty. Alten looked
+through the periscope, and then invited me to look. Curiosity impelled
+me to accept this favour and, putting the focussing lever to
+"skyscrape" I swept round the sky.
+
+At last I saw him; he was a small gas-bag of diminutive size, beneath
+which was suspended a little car, the most ridiculous little travesty
+of an airship I have ever seen. He was nosing along at about 800 feet
+and making about 40 knots.
+
+Suddenly he must have seen the wake of our periscope, for he turned
+towards us. Simultaneously Alten, from the conning tower (I was using
+the other periscope in the control room), ordered the boat to sixty
+feet, and put the helm hard over.
+
+We had turned sixteen points, [1] and in about two minutes heard a
+series of reports right astern of us. It was evident that our ruse had
+succeeded and that he had overshot the mark.
+
+[Footnote 1: 180°]
+
+Inside the boat one felt a slight jar as each bomb went off.
+
+We gradually came round to our proper course, and cruised all day
+submerged at dead slow speed. Every time we lifted our periscope he was
+still hanging about sufficiently close to make it foolish for us to
+come to the surface.
+
+Towards noon a group of trawlers, doubtless summoned by wireless,
+appeared, and proceeded to wander about. These seemed to concern Alten
+far more than the airship, and he informed me that from their, to me,
+aimless movements he deduced they were hunting for us by hydroplanes.
+Occasionally we lay on the bottom in nineteen fathoms.
+
+By 4 p.m. the atmosphere was becoming rather unpleasant and hot, and
+gradually we took off more clothes. Curiously enough, I longed for a
+smoke, but wild horses would not have made me ask Alten for permission.
+
+At 8 p.m. it was sufficiently dark to enable us to rise, which gave me
+great pleasure, though the first rush of fresh air down the hatch made
+me vomit after hours of breathing the vitiated muck. On coming to the
+surface we saw nothing in sight, but a breeze had sprung up which
+caused spray to break over the bridge as we chugged along at 9 knots.
+
+Everyone was in high spirits, as always on the return journey, when the
+mind turns to the Fatherland and all it holds.
+
+My mind turns to Zoe. I confess it to myself frankly. I hardly realized
+to what extent this woman had begun to influence me until we received
+the wireless signal ordering us to delay entering for twelve hours. The
+receipt of this news, trivial though the delay has been, threw a mantle
+of gloom over the crew. I participated in the depression and, upon
+thought, rather wondered that this should be so. Self-analysis on the
+lines laid down by Schessmanweil [1] revealed to me that the basis of
+my annoyance is the fact that my next meeting with Zoe is deferred! I
+feel instinctively that I shall have trouble here, and that I had
+better haul off a lee shore whilst there is manoeuvring room, and
+yet--and yet I secretly rejoice that every revolution of the propeller,
+every clank and rattle of the Diesels brings us closer together.
+
+[Footnote 1: Apparently some German author, of obscure origin, as I
+cannot find him in any book of reference.--ETIENNE.]
+
+Alten has just come down from the bridge, and we chatted for some
+moments; it is evident that he wishes to apologize for his rudeness
+over the smoking incident.
+
+I was in error, I admit it frankly; at the same time I did not know
+that the battery was on charge, and to dash a match from my hand! I
+could have shot him where he stood. However, I am not vindictive, and
+as far as I am concerned the incident is ended.
+
+One thing I find trying in this small boat, and that is that I can
+find no space in which to do half my Müller exercises, the
+leg-and-arm-swinging ones. I must see whether I can't invent a set of
+U-boat exercises!
+
+Good! in two hours we reach the Mole-end light buoy.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Submarine Mess, Bruges._
+
+
+It is midnight, and as I write in my room at the top of the house the
+low rumble of the guns from the south-west vibrates faintly through the
+open window, for it is extraordinarily warm for the time of year, and I
+have flung back the curtains and risked the light shining.
+
+We spent the night at Zeebrugge and came up to the docks here next day.
+We shall probably be in for a week, and I am on four days' "extended
+absence from the boat," which practically means that I can go where I
+like in the neighbourhood provided I am handy to a telephone.
+
+After a short inward struggle I rang Zoe up on the telephone;
+fortunately I did not call first.
+
+A man's voice answered, and for a moment I was dumbfounded. I guessed
+at once it was the Colonel, and I had counted so confidently on his
+being still away at the front.
+
+For an instant I felt speechless, an impulse came to me to ring off
+without further ado, but I restrained myself, and then a fine idea came
+into my head.
+
+"Who is that?" I said.
+
+"Colonel Stein!" replied the voice, and my fears were confirmed, but my
+plan of campaign held good.
+
+"I am speaking," I continued, "on behalf of Lieutenant Von
+Schenk----"
+
+"Ah, yes!" growled the voice, and for an instant a panic seized me, but
+I resumed:
+
+"He met Madame Stein at dinner some days ago, and she kindly asked him
+to call; he has asked me to ring up and inquire when it would be
+convenient, as he would like to meet you, sir, as well. He has been
+unable to ring up himself, as he was sent away from Bruges on duty
+early this morning."
+
+I smiled to myself at this little lie and listened.
+
+"Your friend had better call to-morrow then, for I leave to-morrow
+evening for the Somme front; will you tell him?"
+
+I replied that I would, and left the telephone well satisfied, but
+cursing the fates that made it advisable to keep clear of No. 10,
+Kafelle Strasse for thirty-six hours. Needless to say next day I rang
+up again in order to tell the Colonel that Lieutenant Schenk had
+apparently been detained, as he was not yet back in Bruges, and how I
+felt sure that he would be sorry at missing the Colonel, etc., etc.,
+but all this camouflage was unnecessary, as she herself came to the
+'phone. I could have kissed the instrument when I told her of my
+stratagem and heard her silvery laughter in my ear.
+
+"It is arranged that to-morrow, starting at 10.30, we motor for the day
+to the Forest of Meten, taking our lunch and tea with us--pray Heaven
+the weather holds."
+
+To-night in the Mess it is generally considered that U.B.40 has been
+lost; she is ten days overdue and was operating off Havre, she has made
+no signal for a fortnight. Such is the price of victory and the cost of
+war--death, perhaps, in some terrible form, but bah! away with such
+thoughts, to-morrow there is love and life and Zoe!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Once more it is night, still the guns rumble on the same old dismal
+tones, and as it is raining now it must be getting bad up at the front.
+Except for the rain it might have been last night, but much has
+happened to me in the meanwhile.
+
+To-day in the forest by Ruysslede I found that I loved Zoe, loved her
+as I have never yet loved woman, loved her with my soul and all that is
+me.
+
+The day was gloriously fine when we started, and an hour's run took us
+to the forest. We left the car at an inn and wandered down one of the
+glades.
+
+I carried the basket and we strolled on and on until we found a
+suitable place deep in the heart of the forest.
+
+I have the sailor's love for woods, for their depths, their shadows,
+their mysteries, which are so vivid a contrast to the monotony of the
+sea, with the everlasting circle of the horizon and the half-bowl of
+the heavens above.
+
+In the forest to-day, though the leaves had turned to gold and red and
+brown, the beeches were still well covered, and overhead we were tented
+with a russet canopy.
+
+I say, at last we found a spot, or rather Zoe, who, with girlish
+pleasure in the adventure, had run ahead, called to me, and as I write
+I seem to hear the echoes of "Karl! Karl!" which rang through the wood.
+When I came up to her she proudly pointed to the place she had found.
+
+It was ideal. An outcrop of rock formed a miniature Matterhorn in the
+forest, and beneath its shelter with the old trees as silent witnesses
+we sat and joked and laughed, and made twenty attempts to light a fire.
+
+After lunch, a little incident happened which had an enormous effect on
+me; Zoe asked me whether I would mind if she smoked.
+
+How many women in these days would think of doing that? And yet, had
+she but known it, I am still sufficiently old-fashioned to appreciate
+the implied respect for any possible prejudices which was contained in
+her request.
+
+After lunch, I asked her a question to which I dreaded the answer.
+
+I asked her whether, now that the old Colonel had gone to the Somme,
+whether that meant that she would be leaving Bruges.
+
+She laughed and teasingly said: "Quien sabe, señor," but seeing my real
+anxiety on this point, she assured me that she was not leaving for the
+present. The Colonel, she said, had a strange belief that once a man
+had served on the Flanders Front, and especially on the Ypres salient,
+he always came back to die there.
+
+It appears that the Colonel has done fourteen months' service on the
+salient alone, and is firmly convinced he will end his career on that
+great burial ground. As we were talking about the Colonel I longed to
+ask her how she had met him, and perhaps find out why she lives with
+him, for I cannot believe she loves him, but I did not dare.
+
+Strangely enough I found that a curious shyness had taken hold of me
+with regard to Zoe.
+
+I said to myself, "Fool! you are alone with her, you long to kiss her;
+you have kissed her, first at the dinner-party, secondly when you said
+good-bye at her flat," and yet to-day it was different.
+
+Then I was kissing a pretty woman, I was on the eve of a dangerous
+life, and I was simply extracting the animal pleasures whilst I lived.
+
+To-day it was a case of Zoe, the personality I loved; I still longed to
+kiss her, but I wanted to have the unquestioned right to kiss her, as
+much as I wanted the kisses.
+
+I wanted to have her for my own, away from the contaminating ownership
+of the old Colonel, and I determined to get her.
+
+I think she noticed the changed attitude on my part, and perhaps she
+felt herself that a subtle change in our relationship had taken place,
+and whilst I meditated on these things she fell into a doze at my side.
+
+I was sitting slightly above her, smoking to keep the midges away, and
+as I looked down on her childish figure a great tenderness for her
+filled my mind. She is very beautiful and to me desirable above all
+women; I can see her as she lay there trustfully at my feet. I will
+describe her, and then, when I get her photograph, I will read this
+when I am far away on a trip.
+
+She is of average height, for I am just over six feet and she reaches
+to just above my shoulder. Her hair is gloriously thick and of a deep
+black colour, and lies low on her forehead. Her complexion is of the
+purest whiteness beyond compare, which but accentuates the red warmth
+of the lips which encircle her little mouth. Her figure is slight and
+her ankles are my delight, but her crowning glories, which I have
+purposely left till last, are her eyes.
+
+I feel I could lose my soul; I have lost it, if I have one, in the
+violet depths of those eyes, which were veiled as she slept by the long
+black eyelashes which curled up delicately as they rested on her
+cheeks. I have re-read this description, and it is oh, so unsatisfying;
+would I had the pen of a Goethe or a Shakespeare, yet for want of more
+skill the description shall stand.
+
+How I long for her to be mine, and yet, unfortunate that I am, I cannot
+for certain declare that she loves me.
+
+A thousand doubts arise. I torment myself with recollections of her
+behaviour at the dinner-party, when within two hours of our first
+meeting she gave me her lips.
+
+Yet did I not first roughly kiss her as we danced?
+
+I find consolation in the fact that, though she has said nothing, yet
+her conduct to-day was different. She was so quiet after tea as we
+wandered back through the forests with the setting sun striking golden
+beams aslant the tree trunks.
+
+Before we left I sang to her Tchaikowsky's beautiful song, "To the
+Forest," and I think she was pleased, for I may say with justice that
+my voice is of high quality for an amateur, and the song goes well
+without an accompaniment, whilst the atmosphere and surroundings were
+ideal.
+
+There was only one jarring note in a perfect day; when we returned to
+the car the chauffeur permitted himself a sardonic grin. Zoe
+unfortunately saw it and blushed scarlet.
+
+I could have struck him on his impudent mouth, but for her sake I
+judged it advisable to notice nothing.
+
+I feel I could go on writing about her all night, but it is nearly 2
+a.m. I must get some sleep.
+
+The guns rumble steadily in the south-west, and the sky is lit by their
+flashes; may the fighting on the Somme be bloody these coming days.
+
+
+
+
+[_Probably about ten days later.--Etienne._]
+
+
+We leave to-night, having had a longer spell than usual. I am in a
+distracted state of mind. Since our glorious day in the forest I have
+seen her nearly every afternoon, though twice that swine Alten has kept
+me in the boat in connection with some replacements of the battery.
+
+I have found out that, like me, she is intensely musical. She plays
+beautifully on the piano, and we had long hours together playing Chopin
+and Beethoven; we also played some of Moussorgsky's duets, but I love
+her best when she plays Chopin, the composer pre-eminent of love and
+passion.
+
+She has masses of music, as the Colonel gives her what she likes. We
+also played a lot of Debussy. At first I demurred at playing a living
+French composer's works, but she pouted and looked so adorable that all
+my scruples vanished in an instant, so we closed all the doors and she
+played it for hours very softly whilst I forgot the war and all its
+horrors and remembered only that I was with the well-beloved girl.
+
+The Colonel writes from Thiepval, where the British are pouring out
+their blood like water. He writes very interesting letters, and has had
+many narrow escapes, but unfortunately he seems to bear a charmed life.
+His letters are full of details, and I wonder he gets them past the
+Field Censorship, but I suppose he censors his own.
+
+She laughs at them and calls them her Colonel's dispatches; she says he
+is so accustomed to writing official reports that the poor old man
+can't write an ordinary letter.
+
+I told her that I thought the way he mentioned regiments and
+dispositions rather indiscreet, and she agrees, but she says he has
+asked her to keep them, with a view to forming a collection of letters
+written from the front whilst the incidents he describes are vivid in
+his mind. I suppose the old ass knows his own business, and one day the
+collection may be completed by a telegram "Regretting to announce, etc.
+etc." The sooner the better.
+
+So the days passed pleasantly enough, and never by a gesture or word of
+mouth did she show that I was more to her than any other pleasant young
+man.
+
+I kissed her when I arrived, I kissed her when I left, each day was the
+same. She would put her arms round my neck and look long and deeply
+into my eyes, then she would gently kiss my lips. Not an atom of
+emotion! not a spark from the fires which I feel must be raging beneath
+that diabolically [1] extraordinary [1] amazingly calm exterior.
+
+[Footnote 1: These words are crossed out.--ETIENNE.]
+
+On ordinary subjects she would chatter vivaciously enough and she can
+talk in a fascinating manner on every subject I care to bring up, but
+as soon as I drew the conversation round to a personal line she
+gradually became more silent and a far-away and distant look came into
+those wonderful eyes.
+
+I have found out nothing about her beyond the fact that she has
+travelled all over Europe. I don't even know how old she is, but I
+should guess twenty-six.
+
+I tried to find out a few details by means of discreet remarks at the
+Club and elsewhere.
+
+She simply arrived here about a year ago--as a singer, and met the
+Colonel--beyond that, all is mystery. Everything about her attracts me
+powerfully, and this mystery adds subtleties to her charms.
+
+This afternoon I went to say good-bye; I told her we were leaving
+"shortly," and she gently reproved me for disobeying the order which
+forbids discussion of movements, but I could see she was not greatly
+displeased.
+
+After tea she played to me, music of the modern Russian
+school--Arensky, Sibelius and Pilsuki; a storm was brewing and we both
+felt sad.
+
+She played for an hour or so, and then came and sat by me on a low
+divan by the fire. We were silent for a long while in the gathering
+gloom, whilst a thousand thoughts chased each other swiftly through my
+brain, as I endeavoured to summon up courage to say what I had
+determined I must say before I left her, perhaps for ever.
+
+At last, when only her profile was visible against the glow of the
+logs, I spoke.
+
+I told her quietly, calmly and almost dispassionately that I had grown
+to love her and that to me she was life itself. I told her that I had
+tried not to speak until I could endure no longer.
+
+She sat very still as I spoke, and when I had finished there was a long
+silence and I gently stretched out my hand and stroked her lovely black
+hair. At last she rose and with averted face walked across the room,
+and stood looking at the storm through the big bow windows. I watched
+her, but did not dare follow.
+
+At length she returned to me, and I saw what I had instinctively known
+the whole time--that she had been crying. I could not think why.
+
+She put her arms round my neck, kissed me on the forehead and murmured,
+"Poor Karl."
+
+I felt crushed; I dared not move for fear of breaking the magic of the
+moment, yet I longed to know more; I felt overwhelmed by some colossal
+mystery that seemed to be enveloping me in its folds. Why did she pity
+me? Why did she weep? Why didn't she answer my avowal? Why didn't she
+tell me something? Such were some of the problems that perplexed me.
+
+It was thus when the clock chimed seven. I told her that my leave was
+up at seven o'clock, and that at 7.15 I had to be back on board the
+boat. She remembered this, and in an instant the past quarter of an
+hour might never have existed. She was all agitation and nervousness
+lest I should be late on board--though at the moment I would have
+cheerfully missed the boat to hear her say she loved me.
+
+I tried to protest, but in vain. With feminine quickness she utilized
+the incident to avoid a situation she evidently found full of
+difficulty, and at 7.10, with the memory of a light kiss on my lips and
+her God-speed in my ears I was in a taxi driving to the docks in a
+blinding rain-storm--and we sail to-night.
+
+For five, six, seven, perhaps ten days at the least, and at the most
+for ever, I am doomed to be away from her and without news of her. And
+I don't even know whether she loves me!
+
+I think I can say she cares for me up to a certain point, but I want
+more.
+
+  "Oh Zoe! of the violet eyes,
+  And hair of blackest night
+  Thy lips are brightest crimson,
+  Thy skin is dazzling white.
+
+  "Oh! lay your head upon my breast,
+  And lift your lips to mine;
+  Then murmur in soft breathings,
+  Drink deep from what is thine.
+
+  "Then let the war rage onward,
+  Let kingdoms rise and fall;
+  To each shall be the other,
+  Their life, their hope, their all."
+
+[Footnote: I am indebted to Commander C. C. for the above rough
+translation of Karl's effusion.--ETIENNE.]
+
+
+
+
+_At sea._
+
+
+We are bound for the same old spot as last time.
+
+Alten must have been drinking like a fish lately; his breath smells
+like a distillery; he is apparently partial to schnapps, which he gets
+easily in Bruges.
+
+I can't help admiring the man, as he is a rigid teetotaller at sea,
+though he must find the strain well nigh intolerable, judging from the
+condition he was in when he came on board last night. He was really
+totally unfit to take charge of the boat, and I virtually took her down
+the canal, though with sottish obstinacy he insisted on remaining on
+the bridge.
+
+This morning, though his complexion was a hideous yellow colour, he
+seems quite all right. I shall play a little trick on him at dinner
+to-night.
+
+I have begun to get to know some of the crew by now; they are a fine
+lot of youngsters with a seasoning of half a dozen older men. The
+coxswain, Schmitt by name, is a splendid old petty officer who has been
+in the U-boat service since 1911.
+
+His favourite enjoyment is to spin yarns to the younger members of the
+crew, who know of his weakness and play up to it.
+
+He has a favourite expression which runs thus:
+
+"His Majesty the Kaiser said Germany's future lies on the sea; I say
+Germany's future lies under the sea."
+
+He is inordinately fond of this statement, and the youngsters
+continually say: "What made you take to U-boat work, Schmitt?" and the
+invariable reply is as above. When he has been asked the question about
+half a dozen times in the course of a day, he is liable to become
+suspicious, and if his questioner is within range Schmitt stares at him
+for a few seconds in an absent-minded way, then an arm like that of a
+gorilla shoots out, and the quizzer (_Untersucher_) receives a
+resounding box on the ears to the huge delight of his companions. The
+old man then permits his iron-lipped mouth to relax into a caustic
+smile, after which he is left in peace for some time.
+
+At the wheel he is an artist, for he seems to divine what the next
+order is going to be, or if he is steering her on a course he predicts
+the direction of the next wave even as a skilful chess player works out
+the moves ahead.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am rather weary and ought to go to bed, but before I lose the savour
+I must record the splendid fun I had with Alten at dinner.
+
+We were dining alone, as the navigator was on the bridge, and the
+engineer was busy with a slight leak in the cooking water service. I
+have said that, though a heavy drinker by nature, Alten is a strict
+abstainer at sea. Accordingly I produced a small flask of rum, half-way
+through dinner, and helped myself to a liberal tot, placing the liquor
+between us on the table. As the sight met his eyes and the aroma
+greeted his nostrils, a gleam of joy flashed across his face, to be
+succeeded by a frown.
+
+With an amiable smile I proffered the flask to him, remarking at the
+same time: "You don't drink at sea, do you?"
+
+In a thick voice he muttered, "No! Yes--no! thank you."
+
+With an air of having noticed nothing, I resumed my meal, but out of
+the corner of my eye I watched his left hand on the table near the
+flask. It was most interesting, all the veins stood out like ropes, and
+his knuckles almost burst through the skin.
+
+This went on for about thirty seconds, when he choked out something
+about needing a breath of fresh air. As he got up his face was brick
+red, and I almost thought he'd have a fit.
+
+Whether by accident or design he pulled the cloth as he got out from
+between the settee and the table and upset the flask.
+
+He was apparently incapable of apologizing, for he rushed up on deck.
+
+A few minutes later the navigating officer came down and asked what was
+up?
+
+I said: "What do you mean?"
+
+He said: "Well, the Captain came up just now, swearing like a trooper,
+and told me to get to the devil out of it; it didn't seem advisable to
+question him, so I got out of it and came down."
+
+I expressed my opinion that the Captain must be feeling sea-sick and
+was ashamed to say so. I also suggested to the navigator that he should
+take the Captain a little brandy in case he was not feeling well, but
+the navigator declared he was going to stay down in the warmth till he
+was sent for. Alten is a great coarse brute. Fancy allowing a material
+substance such as alcohol to grip one's mentality.
+
+Thank Heaven I have nerves of iron; nothing would affect me!
+
+And now to bed, though I must just read my account of our day in the
+forest. Darling girl, may I dream of thee.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We laid our mines without trouble at 5 a.m. this morning, though at
+midnight we had a most unpleasant experience.
+
+I was asleep, as it was my morning watch, when I was awakened by the
+harsh rattle of the diving alarms.
+
+The Diesel subsided with a few spasmodic coughs into silence, and as I
+jumped out of my bunk and groped for my short sea boots, the navigator
+and helmsman came tumbling down the conning tower, with the navigator
+shouting, "Take her down," as hard as you like.
+
+The men at the planes had them "hard-to-dive" in an instant.
+
+The vents had been opened as the hooters sounded, and Alten, who had
+jumped into the control room, immediately rang down, "All out on the
+electric motors."
+
+In thirty seconds from the original alarm we were at an angle of twenty
+degrees down by the bow, and I had sat down heavily on the battery
+boards, completely surprised by the sudden tilt of the deck.
+
+It occurred to me that the air was escaping through the vents with a
+strangely loud noise, but before I could consider the matter further or
+even inquire the reason for this sudden dive, the noise increased to a
+terrifying extent, and whilst I prepared myself for the worst it
+culminated into a roar as of fifty express trains going through a
+tunnel, mingled with the noise of a high-powered aeroplane engine.
+
+The roar drummed and beat and shook the boat, then died away as
+suddenly as it came; a moment later there was a severe jar. We had
+struck the bottom, still maintaining our angle.
+
+I painfully got to my feet and then discovered from the navigator that
+he had suddenly seen two white patches of foam 800 yards on the
+starboard bow, which resolved themselves into the bow waves of a
+destroyer approaching at full speed to ram.
+
+We had dived just in time, and her knife-edged bow, driven by 30,000
+horse power, had slid through the water a very few feet above our
+conning tower.
+
+Luckily he had not dropped any depth charges. We were not, however,
+completely free of our troubles, though we had cheated the destroyer.
+
+Examination of the chart, showed the bottom to be mud, and on
+attempting to move the foremost hydroplanes, the plane motor fuses blew
+out. This showed that the boat was buried in the mud right up to her
+foremost planes, which were immovable.
+
+The hydrophone watchkeeper reported that he could still hear
+fast-running propellers, though probably some distance away, and as
+this showed that our old enemy was still nosing about we were very
+anxious not to break surface. We just blew "A." [1] At least we started
+to blow "A," but Alten wisely decided that, as it was a calm night with
+a half-moon, the bubbles on the surface might be rather conspicuous, so
+we stopped the blow and put the pump on. We also flooded "W". [2] This
+had no effect on her at all.
+
+[Footnote 1: Probably their foremost internal tank.--ETIENNE.]
+
+[Footnote 2: Presumably their after internal tank.--ETIENNE.]
+
+We then pumped out "Q" and "P," leaving "W" full, and adjusted our trim
+to give her only three tons negative buoyancy, just enough to keep us
+on the bottom if she came out of the mud.
+
+In this position we went full speed astern on the motors, 1,500 amps on
+each, and all the crew in the after-compartment. No result. We then
+pumped the outer diving tanks on the port side to give her a list to
+starboard. Still she remained fixed.
+
+So at 2 a.m. we decided to risk it and we put a slow blow on all tanks.
+
+When she had about fifty tons positive buoyancy she suddenly bucketed
+up, and, as the motors were running full speed astern at the time, we
+came up and broke surface stern first. In a few seconds we were trimmed
+down again, and as a precautionary measure we proceeded for a couple of
+miles at twenty metres, when, coming up to periscope depth, we
+surfaced, and finding all clear we proceeded. We were put down by a
+trawler at dawn, though she never saw us. After half an hour's hanging
+about she moved off, which was lucky, as she was right on our billet.
+
+We are now proceeding to a spot somewhat to the eastward of Cape St.
+Abbs, [3] as we have instructions to do a two-days patrol here and sink
+shipping.
+
+[Footnote 3: St. Abbs Head.--ETIENNE]
+
+We ought to start business to-morrow morning.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We should be in to-night, then for my little Zoe!
+
+But I must record what we have done. Already I am getting much pleasure
+from reading my diary. Strange how it amuses one to see little bits of
+oneself on paper, and the less garnished and franker the truths the
+more entertaining it is.
+
+[Illustration: "The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred
+yards short of the steamer and had then dived under her."]
+
+[Illustration: "We were put down by a trawler at dawn."]
+
+[Illustration: A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck
+the bottom]
+
+The hours here are so long and boring at times that I feel I want to
+talk intimately with someone. Failing Zoe I turn to my notebooks.
+
+The first steamer we sighted raised high hopes, at least her smoke did,
+for we saw enough smoke on the horizon to make us think we were to see
+the Grand Fleet, and we promptly dived. We cruised towards her for
+about half an hour, and then hung about where we were, as we found that
+her course would take the ship close to us.
+
+As the situation developed, Alten, who was up in the conning tower at
+the "A" periscope, gave us a certain amount of information, and we
+gathered that all this smoke was pouring out of the pipe-stem tunnel of
+a wretched little English tramp.
+
+I found it most irritating, standing in the control room (my action
+station) and not knowing what was going on.
+
+There is only one good job in a submarine and that is the Captain's. He
+knows and decides everything. The rest of us are in his hands and take
+things on trust. I object on principle to my life being held in Alten's
+hands. It is all very well for the crew, for, to start with, they have
+no imagination, and to most of them their mental horizon stops at the
+walls of the boat. Secondly, they have the consolation of mechanical
+activities; they make and break switches and open and close
+valves--they work with their hands. An officer has imagination, and
+only works with his head.
+
+As we attacked the steamer, all one heard was murmurs from Alten, such
+as: "Raise!" "Lower!" "Take her down to ten metres!" "Half speed!"
+"Slow!" "Bring her up to five metres!" "Raise!" "Lower!"
+
+I endeavoured to simulate an air of unconcern which I was far from
+feeling.
+
+Not that I was a prey to physical fear; I flatter myself it is so far
+unknown to me, and there was no great danger, but simply that I longed
+to know what was happening. At length I heard the welcome order:
+
+"Starboard tube. Stand by!"
+
+Which was followed almost immediately by the order: "Fire!"
+
+There was a kind of coughing grunt, and the starboard torpedo proceeded
+on its errand of destruction.
+
+Every ear was strained for the sound of the explosion, but all we were
+vouchsafed was a torrent of blasphemy from Alten.
+
+The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of
+the steamer, and had then evidently dived under the ship; so I gathered
+later when Alten had calmed down somewhat. We were about to surface and
+give her the gun, when luckily Alten took a good sweep round with the
+skyscraper and discovered one of those wretched little airships about a
+mile away, coming towards the steamer, which was wailing piteously, on
+her syren.
+
+As the chart showed forty metres we decided to bottom and have lunch.
+
+Over lunch we discussed the misadventure. Alten was loud in his curses
+of Tanzerman (the torpedo lieutenant at Bruges), from whom he had got
+the torpedo in guaranteed good condition only forty-eight hours before
+we sailed. He launched forth into a tirade against the torpedo staff at
+Bruges, and, warming to his subject, he roundly abused the whole of the
+depot personnel, whom he stigmatized as a set of hard-drinking,
+shore-loafing ruffians, who were incapable of realizing that they
+existed for the benefit of the boats' personnel and "material."
+
+I naturally disagreed, and did so the more readily that I
+conscientiously disagree with him. I find that there is a tendency on
+the part of some of these submarine officers, who have been U-boating a
+long time, to get into narrow grooves. Most reserve officers are not
+like this, as they have only been in during the war. Alten is an
+exception; he left the Hamburg-Amerika on two years' half pay in 1912,
+and was, of course, kept on in 1914. After all, the depot staff are
+Germans, and as such labour for the Fatherland, and though their work
+in office and workship is not so dangerous as ours, on the other hand
+they have not got the stimulation before their eyes, of glory to be
+gained. Personally I am of the opinion that the torpedo broke surface
+because, being fired from the outside tubes, it probably started too
+shallow, dived deep, recovered shallow and dived deep, broke surface
+and dived very deep. A sticky motor or sluggish weight would give this
+effect.
+
+And are these external tubes water-tight? Theoretically, yes, but what
+of practice? We have been down to forty metres several times during
+this trip, and not once have we had a chance on the surface of getting
+at the two external tubes; add to which our depth gear, with the pivots
+of the weight exposed to water if the tube does flood and then you have
+rust, corrosion and heaven knows what complications.
+
+I saw a British Mark 11.50 torpedo at the torpedo shop at Bruges the
+other day, and I was much struck with their deep depth gear, which is
+of the unrestrained Uhlan type, i.e., weight and valve interdependent.
+But then the main feature is that the whole gear is contained in a
+separate water-tight chamber.
+
+Our system is certainly a great saving in space, and is much neater in
+design, whilst I prefer the Uhlan principle of valve conjuncting with
+weight, but it would be interesting to know whether the British have
+much trouble with the depth-keeping of their torpedo.
+
+I have written quite a disquisition on depth gears; I must get on with
+my record of events.
+
+After lunch we had a good look round, but the small airship was still
+hanging about, flying slowly in large circles.
+
+We were rather surprised to meet one of these despicable little
+sausages or "Zeppelin's Spawn," as the navigator calls them, so far
+from land, and at dark we surfaced and proceeded on one engine on an
+easterly course, charging the battery right up with the other engine.
+
+Dawn revealed a blank horizon, not a vestige of mast, funnel or smoke
+in sight.
+
+We ambled along in fine though cold weather, and I took advantage of
+the peacefulness of everything to do a really good series of Müller on
+the upper deck, stripped to the waist, and allowed the keen air to play
+its invigorating currents on my torso.
+
+Alten silently watched me from the conning tower, with a sneering
+expression on his face. The navigator, who is quite a decent youngster,
+though of no family, was, I could plainly see, struck by my
+development, and asked to be initiated into the series of exercises. I
+agreed willingly enough to show them to him. I will confess I wish Zoe
+could have seen me as I perspired with healthy exercise.
+
+At about 11 a.m. a couple of masts, then two more, then another,
+appeared above the horizon. The visibility was extreme, so we at once
+dived and proceeded at full speed, ten metres.
+
+We had been going thus for perhaps half an hour when Alten remarked
+that he would have another look at the convoy. We eased speed, came up
+to six metres, and Alten proceeded up into the conning tower to use "A"
+periscope.
+
+He had hardly applied his eye to the lens when he sharply ordered the
+boat to ten metres, accompanying this order with another to the motor
+room demanding utmost speed (_Ausserste Kraft_). I went up to the
+conning tower and found him white with excitement.
+
+"Look!" he exclaimed, pointing to the periscope, entirely forgetful of
+the fact that we were at ten metres. I looked, and of course saw
+nothing; furious at the trick I considered he had played on me I turned
+on him, to be disarmed by his apology.
+
+"Sorry! I forgot! The whole British battle cruiser force is there."
+
+It was now my turn to be excited, and I rushed down to the motor room
+determined to give her every amp she would take. The port foremost
+motor was sparking like the devil, rings of cursed sparks shooting
+round the commutator, but this was no time for ceremony. I relentlessly
+ordered the field current to be still further reduced.
+
+We were actually running with an F.C. of 3.75 amps, [1] for a period,
+when the sparking assumed the appearance of a ring of fire and, fearing
+a commutator strip would melt, I ordered an F.C. of five amps.
+
+[Footnote 1: The lower the field current the faster the motor goes.
+3.75 is almost incredibly low for a motor of this type--at least
+according to British practice.--ETIENNE.]
+
+We thus passed a quarter of an hour full of strain, the tension of
+which was reflected in the attitude of all the men. Alten had announced
+his intention of using the stern torpedo tube after his failure in the
+morning, and the crew of this tube were crouched at their stations like
+a gun's crew in the last few seconds preparatory to opening fire. The
+switchboard attendants gripped the regulating rheostatts as if by their
+personal efforts they could urge the boat on faster. Old Schmitt, at
+the helm, never lifted his eyes from the compass repeater.
+
+At length: "Slow both!" "Bring her to six metres!" came from the
+conning tower, to which place I proceeded to hear the news.
+
+Slowly the periscope was raised and I held my breath; a groan came from
+Alten and he turned away. For a fraction of a second I was almost
+pleased at his obvious pain, then, sick with disappointment, I took his
+place.
+
+Yes! it was all over. There they were, and with hungry eyes and
+depressed heart I saw five great battle cruisers, of which I recognized
+the _Tiger_ with her three great funnels, the _Princess Royal_, _Lion_
+and two others, zigzagging along at 25 knots, at a distance of 12,000
+metres, across our bow.
+
+They were surrounded by a numerous screen of destroyers and light
+cruisers, the former at that range through the periscope appearing as
+black smudges.
+
+It is not often one is permitted such a spectacle in modern war, and I
+could not tear myself away from the sight of those great brutes, whom I
+had fought when in the _Derflingger_ at Dogger Bank and again when in
+the _König_ at Jutland. So near and yet so far, and as they rapidly
+drew away so did all the visions of an Iron Cross. As soon as they were
+out of sight, we surfaced in order to report what we had seen to
+Zeebrugge and Heligoland.
+
+Everything seemed against us. I had gone on the bridge with the
+navigator; Alten, with a face as black as hell, had gone to the
+wardroom. About ten minutes elapsed when I heard a fearful altercation
+going on below. I stepped down to find the young wireless operator
+trembling in front of Alten, who was overwhelming him with a flood of
+abuse. As I reached the wardroom, Alten shook his fist in the man's
+face and bellowed:
+
+"Make the d---- thing work, I tell you."
+
+"Impossible, Captain, the main condenser----" the man began.
+
+Purple with rage, Alten seized a heavy pair of parallel rulers, and
+before I could check him hurled them full in the operator's face.
+Bleeding copiously, the youth fell to the deck in a stunned condition.
+
+It was then, for the first time, that I noticed a half-empty bottle of
+spirits on the table, which colossal quantity he must have consumed in
+about a quarter of an hour.
+
+Turning to me, this semi-madman pointed to the wireless operator with
+his foot and growled:
+
+"Have him removed."
+
+This I did, and then, lowering the periscope, I ordered the boat to
+fifteen metres. We proceeded at this depth until 8 p.m., when I was
+informed that the Captain was in his bunk and wished to see me.
+
+I discovered him with his face to the ship's side, and upon my
+reporting myself he ordered me, firstly to throw that blasted bottle
+overboard (an unnecessary proceeding, as it was empty), and secondly to
+surface and shape course for Zeebrugge.
+
+At midnight he relieved me, apparently perfectly normal.
+
+The wireless operator has been laid up all day and has a nasty cut on
+the head. The navigator, a great scandal-monger, has heard from the
+engineer that Alten was speaking to him alone this morning, and the
+engineer believes that Alten has given him five hundred marks to say he
+fell down a hatch.
+
+Hooray! Blankenberg buoy has just been reported in sight! Soon I shall
+see my Zoe!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+With what high hopes did I write the last few lines a few hours ago,
+and how they were dashed to the ground, for on going into the Mess at
+Bruges I found amongst my letters a note from her, which was terrible
+in its brevity. She simply said:
+
+
+"DEAR KARL,
+
+"I am going away for some days, and as I shall be travelling it is no
+good giving you an address. To our next meeting!
+
+"ZOE."
+
+
+How horribly vague; not an indication of her destination, her object,
+or the probable length of her absence. Of course I rushed round to the
+flat, but found the place shut up. The porter told me she had gone away
+with her maid. He couldn't say when she'd be back--if at all! I gave
+him ten marks, and he said she might be away a fortnight. If I'd given
+him twenty he'd have said a week; he obviously didn't know.
+
+I feel I could do anything to-night; any mad, evil thing would appeal
+to me.
+
+There is a most fearful uproar coming from the guest-room, where a
+large and rowdy party are entertaining the chorus of a travelling
+_revue_ company. I saw them when they arrived, horribly common-looking
+women, with legs like mine tubes.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Another day and still no news; I don't know how I shall stick it. She
+might have had the softness of heart to write to me. She knows my
+address.
+
+This evening a letter from the little mother, who asks whether I can
+find time to go to Frankfurt when I have leave; at the end of the
+letter she mentions that Rosa has joined the Women's Voluntary
+Auxiliary Corps of Army Nurses. I suppose she thought she'd like her
+photograph taken in some fancy uniform as "Rosa Freinland, one of our
+Frankfurt beauties, now on war work!" Holding the patient's hand is
+about the only work she intends doing.
+
+Women as a class are the same the world over. We are well supplied with
+English papers in the Mess here; they come regularly from Amsterdam,
+and in their pages I see, just as in ours, pictures of the Countess
+this and the Lord that, photographed in becoming attitudes doing war
+work. It seems agricultural pursuits are the fashion in England at
+present--wait till our U-boat war gets its knife well into their fat
+guts, it will be more than fashionable to work in the fields then.
+
+The British Empire is undeniably a great creation, or rather not so
+much a creation as a thing arrived at accidentally, but it lacks
+solidarity. It sprawls, a confused mass of races and creeds, around the
+world. Its very immensity lays it open to attack, it has a dozen
+Achilles heels from Ireland to Egypt and South Africa to India.
+
+I met a man only yesterday who was recently at the propaganda
+department of the Foreign Office, and without going into details he
+gave me a very good idea of the good work that is going on in Britain's
+canker spots.
+
+Ireland is considered particularly promising to those in the know.
+
+Now for an agitated night! To think that a girl should disturb me so!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Two days have passed, or, rather, dragged their interminable lengths
+away, for there is still not a vestige of news. I have been twice to
+the flat with no result, except to receive a piece of impertinence from
+the porter the last time I was there.
+
+No news.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Still no news, and we sail in forty-eight hours.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea, off the Isle of Wight_.
+
+
+It is some days since I turned for solace and enjoyment, amidst the
+discomforts of this life, to my pen and notebook.
+
+What strange tricks fate plays with us, and how lucky it is that one
+cannot foresee the future.
+
+Here I am in U.39--but I must start at the beginning. My last entry was
+the depressing one of still no news. Well, I have had news, but it was
+like a drop of water in the mouth of a parched-up man. Another
+agonizing twenty-four hours passed, and I was sitting in my room about
+ten o'clock, trying to resign myself to the idea that the next night I
+should be starting out for my third trip without news of her, when the
+telephone bell rang. I lifted the receiver and to my amazed joy heard a
+voice that I could have recognized in a thousand. It was Zoe!
+
+I was quite incapable of any remark, and my confusion was further
+increased when, after a few "Hello's," which I idiotically repeated,
+her clear, level tones said: "Is that you, Karl? How are you?" How was
+I? What a question to ask! I wanted to tell her that I was bubbling
+with joy, that a thousand-kilogramme load had been lifted from my
+chest, that my blood was coursing through my veins, that I, usually so
+cool, was trembling with excitement, that I could have kissed the
+mouthpiece of the humble instrument that linked us together. Yet I was
+quite incapable of answering her simple question! I can't imagine what
+I expected her to say, for upon reflection her remark was a very
+ordinary one, and indeed under the circumstances quite natural, but, as
+I say, in actual fact I was tongue-tied.
+
+I suppose I must have said something, for I next remember her saying:
+"Well, you might ask how I am;" and to my horror I realized that she
+thought I was being rude!
+
+My abject apologies were cut short by her tantalizing laugh, and I
+understood that the adorable one was teasing me. When at length I made
+myself believe that I really was talking to this most elusive and
+delightful woman I wasted no time in suggesting that, late though it
+was, I might be permitted to go round and see her. She would not permit
+this, as she said it would create grave scandal, and the Colonel might
+hear about it upon his return. I pleaded hard and urged my departure in
+twenty-four hours.
+
+She was firm and reproved me for discussing movements over the
+telephone. She was right; I was a fool to do so; but Zoe destroys all
+my caution. However, she said that I might lunch with her next day, and
+that she had some new music to play to me. I ventured to ask where she
+had been, but this question was plainly unpleasing to my lady, so I
+dropped the subject. I blew her a goodnight kiss over the telephone, to
+which I think I caught an answer, and then she rang off.
+
+Ten minutes had not elapsed, when a messenger entered and informed me
+that I was wanted at the Commodore's office at once.
+
+A strange feeling of uneasiness and that of impending misfortune
+overcame me. I felt like a naughty school-boy about to interview the
+headmaster.
+
+I followed the messenger into the Commodore's office, and found myself
+alone with the great man. He was seated at a huge roll-top desk, which
+was the only article of furniture in a room which was to all intents
+and purposes papered with large scale charts of the east and south
+coasts of England and of the Channel and North Sea.
+
+The Commodore was sealing an envelope as I came in; he looked up and
+saw me, then, without taking any further notice of me, he resumed his
+business with the envelope. I felt that I was in the presence of a
+personality, and I was, for "Old Man Max" is one of the ten men who
+count in the Naval Administration. He had a reading lamp on his desk,
+and I remember noticing that the light shining through its green shade
+imparted a yellow parchment-like effect to the top of his old bald
+head. With dainty care he finished sealing the envelope, then, picking
+up a telephone transmitter, he snapped "Admiralty!" In about a minute
+he was connected, and to my astonishment I realized that he was talking
+to the duty captain of the operations department in Berlin.
+
+His words chilled my heart, for he said: "Commodore speaking! U.39
+sails at 2 a.m. for operation F.Q.H.--Repeat."
+
+His words were apparently repeated to his satisfaction, for while I was
+vainly endeavouring to convince myself that I was unconnected with the
+sailing of U.39, he banged the receiver into place (Old Man Max does
+everything in bangs) and snapped at me.
+
+"You Lieutenant Von Schenk?"
+
+I admitted I was, and then heard this disgusting news.
+
+"Kranz, 1st Lieutenant U.39, reported suddenly ill, Zeebrugge,
+poisoning--you relieve him. Ship sails in one hour forty minutes from
+now--my car leaves here in forty minutes and takes you to Zeebrugge.
+Here are operation orders--inform Von Weissman he acknowledges receipt
+direct to me on 'phone. That's all."
+
+He handed me the envelope and I suppose I walked outside--at least I
+found myself in the corridor turning the confounded envelope round and
+round. For one mad moment I felt like rushing in and saying: "But, sir,
+you don't understand I'm lunching with Zoe to-morrow!"
+
+Then the mental picture which this idea conjured up made me shake with
+suppressed laughter and I remembered that war was war and that I had
+only thirty-five minutes in which to collect such gear as I had
+handy--most of my sea things being in U.C.47--and say goodbye to Zoe.
+
+I ran to my room and made the corridors echo with shouts for my
+faithful Adolf. The excellent man was soon on the scene, and whilst he
+stuffed underclothing, towels and other necessary gear into a bag he
+had purloined from someone's room, I rang up Zoe. I wasted ten minutes
+getting through, but at last I heard a deliciously sleepy voice murmur,
+"Who's that?"
+
+I told her, and added that I was off; to my secret joy, an intensely
+disappointed and long-drawn "Oooh!" came over the wire. So she does
+care a bit, I thought. Mad ideas of pretending to be suddenly ill
+crossed my mind--anything to gain twenty-four hours--but the Fatherland
+is above all such considerations, and after some pleasant talk and many
+wishes of good luck from the darling girl, with a heavy heart I bade
+her good-night.
+
+The Old Man's car, which is a sixty horse-power Benz, was waiting at
+the Mess entrance, and once clear of the sentries we raced down the
+flat, well-metalled road to Zeebrugge in a very short time. The guard
+at Bruges barrier had 'phoned us through to the Zeebrugge fortified
+zone, and we were admitted without delay. In three-quarters of an hour
+from my interview with old Max I was scrambling across a row of U-boats
+to reach my new ship, U.39.
+
+I went down the after hatch, reported myself to Von Weissman and
+delivered his orders to him, of which he acknowledged receipt direct to
+the Commodore according to instructions. Von Weissman is a very
+different stamp of man to Alten; of medium height, he has
+sandy-coloured hair, steel-grey eyes and a protruding jaw. He is what
+he looks, a fine North Prussian, and is, of course, of excellent
+family, as the Weissmans have been settled in Grinetz for a long
+period.
+
+He struck me as being about thirty years of age, and on his heart he
+wore the Cross of the second class. I have heard of him before as being
+well in the running towards an _ordre pour le mérite_.
+
+An interesting chart is hanging in the wardroom, on which is marked the
+last resting-place of every ship he has sunk. He puts a coloured dot,
+the tint of which varies with the tonnage, black up to 2,000, blue from
+2,000-5,000, brown 5,000-8,000, green 8,000-11,000, and a red spot with
+the ship's name for anything over 11,000. He has got about 120,000 tons
+at present. He opposes the Arnauld de la Perrière school of thought,
+which pins faith on the gun, and Weissman has done nearly all his work
+with the good old torpedo.
+
+Altogether, undoubtedly a man to serve with.
+
+The U.39 was in that buzzing and semi-active condition which to a
+trained eye is a sure indication that the ship is about to sail.
+Punctually at five minutes to 2 a.m. Weissman went to the bridge, and
+at 2 a.m. the wires were slipped and we started on a ten days' trip. As
+the dim lights on the mole disappeared and the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam my mind travelled overland to the flat at Bruges, and I
+wondered whether Zoe was lying awake listening to the ceaseless rumble
+of the Flanders cannon. We went on at full speed, as it was our
+intention to pass the Dover Straits before dawn. Though our
+intelligence bureau issues the most alarming reports as to the
+frightfulness of the defences here I was agreeably surprised at the
+ease with which we passed. Von Weissman, to whom I had hinted that we
+might find the passage tricky, rather laughed at my suggestion, and
+described to me his method, which, at all events, has the merit of
+simplicity.
+
+He always goes through with the tide, so as to take as short a time as
+possible, and he always decides on a course and steers it as closely as
+possible, keeping to the surface unless he sights anything, and diving
+as soon as anything shows up. Even if he dives he goes on as fast as
+possible on his course, irrespective of whether he is being bombed or
+not.
+
+I must say it worked very well last night. We shaped a course to pass
+five miles west of Gris Nez, and when that light, which for some reason
+the French had commodiously lit that night, was abeam, we sighted a
+black object, probably a trawler or destroyer, about half a dozen miles
+away right ahead. Weissman immediately dived and, without deviating a
+degree from his course, held on at three-quarters speed on the motors.
+Some time later the hydrophone watchkeeper reported the sound of
+propellers in his listeners, and that he judged them to be close at
+hand, so I imagine we passed very nearly directly underneath whatever
+it was.
+
+After an hour's submerging we rose, and found dawn breaking over a
+leaden and choppy sea. Nothing being in sight, we continued on the
+surface for an hour, charging batteries with the starboard engine (500
+amps on each), but at 9 a.m., the clouds lying low and an aerial patrol
+being frequent hereabouts, we dived and cruised steadily down channel
+at slow speed, keeping periscope depth.
+
+Several times in the course of the forenoon we sighted small destroyers
+and convoy craft [1] in the distance, all steering westerly. They were
+probably returning from escorting troopships over to France last night.
+In every case we went to sixty feet long before they could have seen
+our "stick." [2] Weissman is evidently as cautious in this matter as he
+is hardy in others; the more I see of him the more I like him; he is a
+man of breeding, and it is of value to serve in this boat.
+
+[Footnote 1: Probably "P" boats.--ETIENNE.]
+
+[Footnote 2: Periscope.--ETIENNE.]
+
+As I write we are on the surface about ten miles east of the Isle of
+Wight, still steering down channel. To-night at midnight we report our
+position to Zeebrugge, up till now we have maintained wireless silence
+for fear of the British and French directional stations picking up our
+signals and fixing our position.
+
+After supper this evening Von Weissman explained to me the general plan
+of our operations for the next eight days. Our cruising billet is about
+150 miles south-west of the Scillys, at the focal point where trade for
+Liverpool and Bristol and the up-channel trade diverges. Von Weissman
+says that this is a plum billet and we should do well.
+
+I feel this is going to be better than those piffling little
+mine-laying trips, and though we shall be away ten days, it will
+qualify me for four days' leave in Belgium.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There was nearly an awkward moment last night, or, rather, there was an
+awkward moment, and nearly an awkward accident. I relieved the
+navigator at midnight (the pilot is an unassuming individual called
+Siegel) and took on the middle watch. It was blowing about force 4 from
+the south-west, and a nasty short, lumpy sea was running which caught
+us just on the port bow. About once every ten seconds she missed her
+step with the waves and, dipping her nose into it, shovelled up tons of
+water, which, as the bow lifted, raced aft and, breaking against the
+gun, flung itself in clouds of spray against the bridge. In a very few
+minutes every exposed portion of me was streaming with water.
+
+At about 2 a.m. I had turned my back to the sea for a moment, and my
+thoughts were for an instant in Bruges, when, on facing forward once
+again I saw a sight which effectually brought me back to earth.
+
+This was the spectacle of two black shapes, evidently steamers, one on
+either bow, distant, I should estimate, 600 or 700 metres. I had to
+make a quick decision, and I decided that to fire a torpedo in that sea
+with any hope of a hit, especially with the boat on surface, was
+useless; furthermore, that at any moment either of the steamers might
+sight us from their high bridge and turn and ram.
+
+These thoughts were the work of an instant, and I at once rang the
+diving bell, and, pushing the look-out before me, in five seconds I was
+in the conning tower and had the hatch down. I at once proceeded down
+into the boat, and the first thing that struck my eye was the diving
+gauge with the needle practically stationary at two metres.
+
+The boat was not going down properly! and for an instant I was rudely
+shaken, until a cool voice from the wardroom remarked, "Helm hard
+a-port," an order that was instantly obeyed, and as she began to turn
+the moving needle on the depth gauge began its journey round the dial.
+It was the Captain who had spoken. As soon as he heard the diving alarm
+he was out of his bunk, and a glance at the gauge he has fitted in the
+wardroom told him we were not sinking rapidly. In an instant he had put
+his finger on the trouble, which was that we were almost head on to the
+sea, with the result that he had given the order as stated above,
+which, bringing us beam on to the sea, had caused her to dive with
+ease. He is efficiency itself!
+
+As I explained to him what had happened, the noise of propellers at
+varying distances from us overhead led him to state his belief that we
+had run into a convoy homeward bound to Southampton from the Atlantic.
+
+He approved of my actions in every particular, save only in my omission
+to bring the boat away from the sea as I began to dive.
+
+This morning we are beginning to get the full force of what is
+evidently going to be a south-westerly gale of some violence. The seas
+are getting larger as we debouch into the Atlantic. This looks bad for
+business.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At the moment we are practically hove to on the surface, with the port
+engine just jogging to keep her head on to sea and the starboard
+ticking round to give her a long, slow charge of 200 amps.
+
+The wind is force 7-8 and a very big sea is running which makes it
+entirely impossible to open the conning tower hatch; the engine is
+getting its air through the special mushroom ventilator, which is
+apparently not designed to supply both the boat's requirements and
+those of the engine; the whole ventilator gets covered with sea every
+now and then, during which period until the baffle drains get the water
+away no air can get in, so the engine has a good suck at the air in the
+boat, the result of all this being a slight vacuum in the boat. It is a
+very unpleasant sensation, and made me very sick. This is really a form
+of sickness due to the rarefied air.
+
+I had a great surprise when I looked at the barograph this morning as
+the needle had gone right off the paper at the bottom, and at first
+glance I thought we had struck a tropical depression of the first
+magnitude, which, flouting all the laws of meteorology, had somehow
+found its way to the English Channel; but the engineer explained to me
+that, as I have already stated, the low atmospheric pressure in the
+boat was due to the conning-tower hatch being shut down.
+
+[Illustration: "As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the
+ceaseless fountain of starshells mingling with the flashing of guns,
+rose inland on our port beam."]
+
+[Illustration: "We hit her aft for the second time."]
+
+I have discovered that Von Weissman is a martyr to sea-sickness--all
+day he has been lying down as white as a sheet and subsisting on milk
+tablets and sips of brandy; yet such is the man's inflexibility of will
+that he forces himself to make a tour of inspection right round the
+boat every six hours, night and day. It is this will to conquer which
+has made Germans unconquerable, though "Come the four corners of the
+world in arms" against us, as the great poet says.
+
+We are, of course, keeping watch from inside the conning tower; it is,
+at all events, dry, but as to seeing anything one might as well be
+looking out through a small glass window from inside a breakwater! To
+bed till 4 a.m.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A most unprofitable day. I grudge every day away from Zoe on which we
+do nothing. This morning about noon the gale blew itself out, but a
+heavy confused sea continued to run.
+
+At 2 p.m. we saw a most tantalizing spectacle. A big tank steamer,
+fully 600 feet long and of probably 17,000 tons burthen hove in sight,
+escorted by two destroyers. To attack with the gun was impossible, as
+we could only keep the conning tower open when stern to sea, and in any
+case the two destroyers prevented any surface work. We tried to get in
+for an attack, but we had not seen her in time, and the best we could
+do was to get within 3,000 yards, at which range it would have been
+absurd to have wasted a torpedo, the chances of hitting being 100 to 1
+against, even if the torpedo had run properly in the sea that was on.
+
+I had a good look at her through the foremost periscope in between the
+waves, and it maddened me to see all that oil, doubtless from Tampico
+for the Grand Fleet, going safely by. The destroyers were having a bad
+time of it, crashing into the sea like porpoises, their funnels white
+with salt, and their bridges enveloped in sheets of water and spray.
+They little thought that, barely a mile away, amidst the tumbling,
+crested waves a German eye was watching them!
+
+There is no doubt these damned British have pluck, for it was the last
+sort of weather in which one would have expected to find destroyers at
+sea, and yet I suppose they do this throughout the winter.
+
+After all, one would expect them to be tough fellows--they are of
+Teutonic stock--though by their bearing one might imagine that the
+Creator made an Englishman and then Adam.
+
+Let's hope we get some decent weather to-morrow. I have just been
+refreshing my memory by reading of what I wrote in the book, concerning
+the day in the forest with the adorable girl. There is an exquisite
+pleasure in transporting the mind into such memories of the past when
+the body is in such surroundings as the present, if only I could will
+myself to dream of her!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A fine day in every sense of the word. The weather has been and remains
+excellent, and I have been present at my first sinking. It was absurdly
+commonplace. At 10 a.m. this morning a column of smoke crept upwards
+from the southern horizon.
+
+Von Weissman steered towards it on the surface until two masts and the
+top of a funnel appeared. We dived and proceeded slowly under water on
+a southerly course.
+
+Half an hour passed and Von Weissman brought the boat up to periscope
+depth and had a look. He called to me to come and see, an invitation I
+accepted with alacrity.
+
+With natural excitement I looked through the periscope and there she
+was, unconsciously ambling to her doom like a fat sheep.
+
+She was a steamer (British) of about 4,000 tons, slugging home at a
+steady ten knots, but she was destined to come to her last mooring
+place ahead of schedule time!
+
+We dipped our periscope and I went forward to the tubes. Five minutes
+elapsed and the order instrument bell rang, the pointer flicking to
+"Stand by." I personally removed the firing gear safety pin and put the
+repeat to "Ready." A breathless pause, then a slight shake and
+destruction was on its way, whilst I realized by the angle of the boat
+that Weissman was taking us down a few metres.
+
+That shows his coolness, he didn't even trouble to watch his shot.
+
+Anxiously I watch the second hand of my stop watch. Weissman had told
+me the range would be about 500 metres--30 seconds--31--32--33--has he
+missed?--34--35--3--A dull rumble comes through the water and the
+whole boat shakes. Hurra! we have hit, and the order "Surface" comes
+along the voice pipe.
+
+The cheerful voice of the blower is heard, evacuating the tanks; I run
+to the conning tower and closely follow Weissman up the ladder. At last
+I am on the bridge. There she is! What a sight!
+
+I feel that I shall never forget what she looked like, though, if all
+goes well, I shall see many another fine ship go to her grave.
+
+But she was my first; I felt the same sensation when, as a boy, I shot
+my first roe-deer in the Black Forest, one instant a living thing
+beautiful to perfection, the next my rifle spoke and a bleeding carcase
+lay beneath the fine trees. So with this ship. I am a sailor, and to
+every sailor every ship that floats has, as it were, a soul, a
+personality, an entity; to carry the analogy further, a merchant craft
+is like some fat beast of utility, an ox, a cow, or a sheep, whilst a
+warship is a lion if she is a battleship, a leopard if she is a light
+cruiser, etc.; in all cases worthy game.
+
+But War has little use for sentimentality! and in my usual wandering
+manner I see that I have meandered from the point and quite forgotten
+what she did look like.
+
+What I saw was this:
+
+I saw that the steamer had been hit forward on the starboard side. The
+upper portion of the stem piece was almost down to the water level, her
+foremost hold was obviously filling rapidly. Her stern was high out of
+water, the red ensign of England flapping impotently on the ensign
+staff. Her propeller, which was still slowly revolving, thrashed the
+water, and this heightened the impression that I was watching the
+struggles of a dying animal. The propeller was revolving in spasmodic
+jerks, due, I imagine, to the fast failing steam only forcing the
+cranks over their dead centres with an effort.
+
+A boat was being lowered with haste from the two davits abreast the
+funnel on one side, but when she was full of men and, due to the angle
+of the ship, well down by the bow, someone inboard let go the foremost
+fall or else it broke, for the bows of the boat fell downwards and half
+a dozen figures were projected in grotesque attitudes into the sea. For
+a few seconds the boat swung backwards and forwards, like a pendulum.
+
+When she came to rest, hanging vertically downwards from the stern, I
+noticed that a few men were still clinging like flies to her thwarts.
+Truly, anything is better than the Atlantic in winter. Meanwhile the
+ship had ceased to sink as far as outward signs went.
+
+I mentioned this to Von Weissman, who was at my side with a slight
+smile on his face, amused doubtless at the eagerness with which I
+watched every detail of this, to me, novel tragedy. He answered me that
+I need not worry, that she was being supported by an air lock somewhere
+forward, that the water was slowly creeping into her and her boilers
+would probably soon go.
+
+This remarkable man was absolutely correct.
+
+There was an interval of about five minutes, during which another boat,
+evidently successfully lowered from the other side, came round her
+stern, picked up one or two men from the water and also collected the
+survivors in the hanging boat; then the steamer suddenly sank another
+two feet, there was a dull rumbling, as of heavy machinery falling from
+a height, a muffled report, a cloud of steam and smoke, a sucking noise
+and then a pool in the water, in the middle of which odd bits of wood
+and other buoyant debris kept on bobbing up. Nothing else!
+
+No! I am wrong, there were two other things: a U-boat, representing the
+might of Germany, and a whaler with perhaps twenty men in it,
+representing the plight of England!
+
+As she went I felt hushed and solemn, it was an impressive moment; a
+slight chuckle came from imperturbable Weissman; he had seen too many
+go to think much of it, and he gave an order for the helm to be put
+over, so that we might approach the whaler.
+
+They were horribly overcrowded, and were engaged in trying to sort
+themselves into some sort of order. We passed by them at 50 yards and
+Weissman, seizing his megaphone, shouted in English: "Goodbye! steer
+west for America!" A cold horror gripped my heart. It was an awful
+moment. I dare not write the thoughts that entered my head.
+
+I turned away my head and faced aft, that he should not see my face;
+looking back I saw the whaler rocking dangerously in our wash, and then
+a commotion took place in her stern, from which a huge bearded man
+arose and, shaking his fist in our direction, shouted something or
+other before his companions pulled him down.
+
+Von Weissman heard and his lips narrowed in. I held my breath in
+suspense, but he evidently decided against what he had been about to
+do, for with the order, "Course north! ten knots," he went below.
+
+I remained on deck watching the rapidly receding whaler through my
+glasses until she was a mere speck--alone on the ocean, 150 miles from
+land, Then the navigator came up, and with strangely mixed feelings of
+exultant joy and depressing sorrow I went below.
+
+Von Weissman was in the wardroom. I watched him unobserved. He was
+humming a tune to himself and had just completed putting a green dot on
+the chart. This done he lay back on the settee and closed his
+eyes--strange, insoluble man!
+
+For long hours I could not forget that whaler; I see it now as I write.
+I suppose I shall get used to it all. What would Zoe say?
+
+The most wonderful thing about man is that he can stand the strain of
+his own invention of modern war!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am rather tired to-night, but must just jot down briefly what has
+taken place to-day, as there is never any time in the daylight hours.
+
+Soon after dawn, at about 8 a.m., we sighted a fair-sized steamer of
+about 3,000 tons, which we sunk, but I cannot say what she looked like,
+or whether anyone escaped, as we never came to the surface at all, Von
+Weissman sighting smoke on the western horizon just as he hit her. We
+accordingly steered in that direction. However, I think she went almost
+at once as Von Weissman put a dot (black) on the chart as we made
+towards number 3.
+
+I very much wanted to know whether there were any survivors, but I did
+not like to ask him at the time and he has been in such an infernal
+temper ever since that I haven't had a suitable opportunity.
+
+The cause of his rage was as follows:
+
+Steamer number 3 turned out to be a fine fat chap (of the Clan Line,
+Von Weissman said, when we first sighted her). We moved in to attack
+and fired our port bow tube. I waited in vain by the tubes for the
+expected explosion--nothing happened, but after a couple of minutes a
+snarl came down the voice pipe: "Surface, GUN ACTION STATIONS!"
+
+I ran aft, and found the Captain white with rage.
+
+"Missed ahead!" he said, with intense feeling, "I'll have to use that
+confounded gun."
+
+In about three minutes the Captain and myself were on the bridge and
+the crew were at their stations round the gun.
+
+For the first time I saw the ship; she was stern on and apparently
+painted with black and white stripes. As I examined her through
+glasses--she was distant about 3,000 yards--I saw a flash aboard her
+and a few seconds later a projectile moaned overhead and fell about
+6,000 yards over. So she is armed, thought I, and she has actually
+opened fire on us first.
+
+The effect of this unexpected retort on the part of the Englishman was
+to throw Weissman into a paroxysm of rage.
+
+"Why don't you fire? What the devil are you waiting for?" etc., etc.,
+were some of the remarks he flung at the gun crew.
+
+I did not consider it advisable to mention to him that they were
+probably waiting his order to fire, and also his orders for range and
+deflection, as I had imagined that, here as everywhere else, an officer
+controls the gun-fire. Apparently in this boat it is not so, as
+Weissman takes so little interest in his gun that he affects to be, or
+else actually is, ignorant of the elements of gun control.
+
+At any rate, under the lash of his tongue, the gun's crew soon got into
+action, the gun-layer taking charge. Our first shot was short, very
+considerably so, as was also the second. Meanwhile the steamer had been
+keeping up a very creditably controlled rate of fire, straddling us
+twice, but missing for deflection, as was natural considering that we
+were bows on to her.
+
+I felt thoroughly in my element listening to the significant wail of
+the enemy's shell, punctuated by the ear-splitting report of our own
+gun. Weissman, gripping the rail with both hands, and to my surprise
+ducking when one went overhead, watched the target with a fixed
+expression, but made no attempt to control our gun-fire, which was far
+from creditable, as is inevitable when it is left to the mercy of the
+inferior intellect of a seaman.
+
+However, at the tenth or eleventh round we hit her in the upper works,
+as was shown by a bright red and yellow flash near her funnel. This did
+not check her firing or speed in the least, in fact she seemed to be
+gaining on us. She also began to zigzag slightly and throw smoke bombs
+overboard, which were not so effective from her point of view as I had
+thought they would be.
+
+Matters were thus for some minutes. We had just hit her aft for the
+second time, though the shooting was so disgustingly bad that I was
+about to ask whether I might do the duties of control officer, when
+there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with moaning
+fragments. When I had recovered from my relief from finding that I was
+personally uninjured, I observed that two of the gun's crew were
+wounded and one was lying, either killed or seriously wounded, on the
+casing. We had been hit in the casing, well forward, and, as was
+subsequently proved when we dived, little material damage was caused to
+the boat.
+
+This enemy success caused a temporary cessation of fire. The two
+wounded men were cautiously making their way aft to the conning tower,
+and I called for a couple of stokers to come up and carry away the
+third, when Von Weissman suddenly gave the order to dive. The gun's
+crew at once made a rush for the conning tower, and were down the hatch
+in a trice, one of the wounded men fainting at the bottom.
+
+I was unaware as to the reason of this order to dive, and thought that
+perhaps the Captain had sighted a periscope. As I was turning to
+precede him down the conning tower hatch I distinctly saw the man lying
+by the gun lift his hand. I felt I could not leave him there, and
+instinctively cried, "He is still alive!" But Von Weissman, who was
+urging the crew to hurry down the hatch, pressed the diving alarm as
+soon as the last sailor was half in the hatch.
+
+I knew that this meant that the boat would be under in 30 to 40
+seconds, so I had no alternative but to get down the hatch as quickly
+as possible.
+
+I did so with reluctance, and I was followed by Von Weissman, who
+joined me in the upper conning tower.
+
+I forced myself not to look out of the conning tower scuttles during
+the few seconds that elapsed as the casing slowly went under, until at
+last nothing but waving green water showed at each little window. I
+feared that, if I had looked, I would have seen a wounded man, stung
+into activity by the cold touch of the Atlantic. Perhaps Von Weissman
+read my thoughts, or else he remembered my remark concerning the man,
+for he turned to me and in level tones said:
+
+"Have you any doubt that he was dead?"
+
+I hesitated a moment, and he continued:
+
+"By my direction you have no doubt. He _was_!"
+
+How brutal war is, and what a perfect exponent of the art the Captain
+proves himself to be! To me a life is a life, a particle of the thing
+divine; to him a life is a unit, and a half-maimed and probably dying
+seaman is as nothing in the scales when the safety of a U-boat is at
+stake. The seamen are numbered in their tens of thousands, the U-boats
+in their tens. The steamer had hit us once, luckily only in the casing,
+a second hit might well have punctured the pressure hull, and our fate
+in these waters would have been certain. Therefore, having summed these
+things up and balanced them in his mind, he dived and the sailor died.
+
+Once below water Von Weissman seemed more his imperturbable self, and
+unless I am mistaken he is never really happy on the surface, at least
+when in action. He is a true water mole.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A day full of interest, though once again I have had to force myself to
+absorb the horrors of War. I imagine that I am now going through the
+experiences of a new arrival on the Western Front, who feels a desire
+to shudder at the sight of every corpse.
+
+At 10 a.m. this morning we sighted the topsails of a sailing boat to
+the southwest. Closing her on the surface, we approached to within
+about 6,000 metres, when suddenly Von Weissman ordered "Gun Action
+Stations."
+
+The gun crew came tumbling up, but not quick enough to suit him, for as
+they were mustering at the gun he gave the order to dive, only,
+however, taking her down to periscope depth before instantly ordering
+surface and then "Gun Action Stations" again. This time we opened fire
+on the ship, which was a Norwegian barque and, being in the barred
+zone, liable to destruction.
+
+Von Weissman had announced overnight that at the first opportunity he
+would give "that ---- gun's crew a bellyful of practice," and he
+certainly did. As soon as the first shot was fired, she backed her
+topsails, and when our fourth shot struck her, somewhere near the foot
+of the foremast, her crew could be seen hastily abandoning their ship.
+
+This action on their part had no influence with Von Weissman, who had
+taken personal charge of the helm, and, with the engines running at
+three-quarter speed, he was zigzagging about, to make it harder for the
+gun's crew. Every now and then he flung a gibe at the crew, such as
+suggesting that they should go back to the High Seas Fleet and learn
+how to shoot.
+
+The sailing ship was soon on fire, for, considering the circumstances,
+the shooting was very fair, though had I been controlling it I could
+have confidently guaranteed better results. When she was blazing nicely
+fore and aft, Von Weissman ordered the practice to cease, and sent the
+crew below. He then ordered course south, speed ten knots, and I took
+over the watch.
+
+An hour and a half later, when the navigator gave me a spell, a black
+cloud on the northern horizon marked the funeral pyre of another of our
+victims. When I went below, the Captain had just finished playing with
+his precious old chart.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We received a message at 2 a.m. last night from Heligoland to return
+forthwith; it is now 2 a.m. and we are approaching the redoubtable
+Dover Barrage. We had no trouble coming up channel to-day, which seems
+singularly empty, at any rate in mid-channel, where we were.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We got back about three hours ago, and as I was appointed temporary to
+the boat, Von Weissman kindly allowed me to leave her and come up to
+Bruges as soon as we got into the shelters at Zeebrugge.
+
+I got up here just, in time for a late dinner. Hunger satisfied, I
+retired to my room and, needless to say, at once rang up my darling
+Zoe.
+
+By the mercy of providence she was in, but imagine my sensations when I
+heard that that accursed swine of a Colonel was also back from the
+front, and expected in at the flat at any moment, being then, she
+thought, engaged in his after dinner drinking bouts at the cavalry
+officers' club. I could only groan.
+
+A laugh at the other end stung me to furious rage, appeased in an
+instant by her soothing tones as she told me that I should be glad to
+hear that he was only up from the Somme on a four-days leave, and was
+returning next morning by the 8 a.m. troop train. Glad! I could have
+danced for joy. I breathed again.
+
+As the Colonel was expected back at any moment she thought it advisable
+to terminate the conversation, which was done with obvious reluctance
+on her part, or so I flatter myself.
+
+He goes to-morrow, so far so good, but what of the intervening period?
+
+Could any more refined torture be imagined than that I, who love her as
+I love my own soul, should have to sit here, whilst scarcely a mile
+away, probably at this very moment as I write, that gross brute is
+privileged to kiss her, to look at her, to--oh! it's unbearable. When I
+think of that hog, for though I've never seen him, I've seen his
+photograph, and I know instinctively that he _is_ gross, fresh, as she
+says, from a drinking bout, should at this moment be permitted to raise
+his pigs' eyes and look into those glorious wells of violet light; when
+I think that his is the privilege to see those masses of black hair
+fall in uncontrolled splendour, then I understand to the full the deep
+pleasures of murder.
+
+I would give anything to destroy this man, and could shake the
+Englishman by the hand who fires the delivering bullet!
+
+Steady! Steady! What do I write? No! I mean it, every word of it. Yet
+of all the mysteries, and to me Zoe is a mass of them, surely the
+strangest of all is contained in the question: Why does she live with
+him?
+
+She doesn't love him, she's practically told me so. In fact, I know she
+doesn't. Let me reason it out by logic. She lives with him, whether
+voluntarily or involuntarily. Suppose it be voluntarily, then her
+reasons must be (a) Love; (b) Fascination; (c) Some secret reason. If
+she is living with him involuntarily it must be: (d) He has a hold on
+her; (e) For financial reasons.
+
+I strike out at once (a) and (e), for in the case of (e) she knows well
+that I would provide for her, and (a) I refuse to admit, (b) is hardly
+credible--I eliminate that. I am left with (c) and (d) which might be
+the same thing. But what hold can he have on her; she can't have a
+past, she is too young and sweet for that.
+
+I must find out about this before I go to sea again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Three days ago, I was racking my brains for the solution of a problem,
+and, as I see from what I wrote, I was somewhat outside myself. In the
+interval things have taken an amazing turn. I am still bewildered--but
+I must put it all down from the beginning.
+
+The Colonel left as she said he would, and I went round to lunch with
+her.
+
+We had a delightful _tête-à-tête_, and after lunch she played the
+piano. I was feeling in splendid voice and she accompanied me to
+perfection in Tchaikowsky's "To the Forest," always a favourite of
+mine. As the last chords died away, Zoe jumped up from the piano and,
+with eyes dancing with excitement, placed her hands on my shoulders and
+exclaimed:
+
+"Karl! I have an idea! I shall make a prisoner of you for two or three
+days."
+
+I laughed heartily and almost told her that she had already made me a
+prisoner for life, only I can never get those sort of remarks out quick
+enough.
+
+But when she said, "No! I am not joking, I mean it," I felt there was
+more meaning in her sentence than I had at first thought. I begged to
+be enlightened, and she then unfolded her scheme.
+
+She told me for the first time, that in a forest not far from Bruges
+she had a little summer-house, to which she used to retreat for
+week-ends in the hot weather when the Colonel was away. He knew nothing
+of this country house (she was very insistent on that point), so I
+imagined she paid for it out of her dress allowance or in some other
+way. The idea that had just struck her was that she had a sudden fancy
+to go and spend two days there, and I was to go with her.
+
+I was ready to go to Africa with her if my leave permitted, and it so
+happened that I was due for four days' overseas leave (limited to
+Belgian territory) so that this fitted in very well, and I told her so.
+
+She was delighted, then, with one of those quick intuitions which women
+are so clever at, she read the half-formed thought in my mind, and
+said: "You mustn't think it's not going to be conventional; old Babette
+will be with us to chaperon me." Old Babette is an aged female whom she
+calls her maid. I think she is jealous of me.
+
+I agreed at once that of course I quite understood it was to be highly
+conventional, etc., though I smiled to myself as I visualized my
+mother's shocked face and uplifted hands had she heard my Zoe's ideas
+on the conventions.
+
+I was trying to fathom what was at the bottom of it all when she
+remarked: "Of course, as my prisoner you will have to obey all my
+orders."
+
+I replied that this was certainly so.
+
+"And one of the first things," she continued, "that happens to a
+prisoner when he goes through the enemy lines is that he is
+blindfolded, and in the same way I shan't let you know where you are
+going."
+
+Seeing a doubtful look in my eyes as I endeavoured to keep pace with
+the underlying idea, if any, of this truly feminine fancy, she suddenly
+came up to me and, lifting her eyes to mine, murmured: "Don't you trust
+me?"
+
+In a moment my passion flared up, and rained hot kisses on her face as
+she struggled to release herself from my arms.
+
+When I left that night after dinner, and, walking on air, returned to
+the Mess, it was arranged that I should be at her flat with my
+suit-case at 6 p.m. the next evening, prepared, to use her own words,
+"to disappear with me for 48 hours."
+
+She had told me of an address in Bruges which she said would forward on
+any telegram if I was recalled, and I had to be satisfied with that,
+for I may as well say here that I never discovered where I went to, and
+I don't know to this moment in what part of Belgium I spent the last
+two nights.
+
+I tried to find out at first, but as she obviously attached some
+importance to keeping the locality of her woodland retreat a secret,
+probably to circumvent the Colonel, I soon gave up trying to get the
+secret from her, and contented myself with taking things as they came.
+
+To go on with my account of what happened--which was really so
+remarkable that I propose writing it out in detail to the best of my
+memory--at 6 p.m. next day I was naturally at her flat feeling very
+much as if I was on the threshold of an adventure.
+
+Zoe was excited and the flat was in a turmoil, as apparently she had
+only just begun to pack her dressing-case.
+
+Soon after six we went down and got into a large Mercédès car which I
+had noticed standing outside when I arrived. We were soon on our way,
+and left Bruges by the Eastern barrier; we showed our passes and
+proceeded into the darkened country-side. We had been running for about
+a mile when she remarked, "Prisoners will now be blindfolded!" and, to
+my astonishment, slipped a little black silk bag over my head.
+
+I was so startled I didn't know whether to be angry, or to laugh, or
+what to do. Eventually I did nothing, and, entering into the spirit of
+the game, declared that even a wretched prisoner had the right not to
+be stifled, whereupon she lifted the lower portion of the bag and
+uncovered my mouth. Shortly afterwards I was electrified to feel a pair
+of soft lips meet mine, a sensation which was repeated at frequent
+intervals, and, as I whispered in her ear, under these conditions I was
+prepared to be taken prisoner into the jaws of hell.
+
+This pleasant journey had lasted for about three-quarters of an hour
+when my mask was removed and I was informed that I was "inside the
+enemy lines!" Through the windows of the car I could dimly see that an
+apparently endless mass of fir trees were rushing past on each side.
+This state of affairs continued for a kilometre or so, when we branched
+to the right and soon entered a large clearing in the forest, at one
+side of which stood the house. Babette, Zoe and myself entered the
+building, and the car disappeared, presumably back to Bruges.
+
+The house, built of logs, was of two stories; on the ground floor were
+two living rooms, and the domains of Babette, who amongst her other
+accomplishments turned out to be not only a most capable valet, but a
+first-class cook. On the second story there were two large rooms. The
+whole house was furnished after the manner of a hunting lodge, with
+stags' heads on the walls, and skins on the floors. In the drawing-room
+there was a piano and a few etchings of the wild boar by Schaffein.
+
+I dressed for dinner in my "smoking," though under ordinary
+circumstances I should have considered this rather formal, but I was
+glad I did, for she appeared in full evening _tenue_. She wore a violet
+gown, and across her forehead a black satin bandeau with a Z in
+diamonds upon it. It must have cost two thousand marks, and I wondered
+with a dull kind of jealousy whether the Colonel had given it to her.
+
+I cannot remember of what we talked during dinner. We have a hundred
+subjects in common, and we look at so many aspects of the world through
+the same pair of eyes; I only know that when I have been talking to her
+for a period--there is no exact measurement of time for me when I am
+with her--I leave her presence feeling "completed." I feel that a sort
+of gap within my being has been filled, that a spiritual hunger has
+been satisfied, that I have got something which I wanted, but for which
+I could not have formulated the desire in words. I had resolved that on
+this first night I would bring matters between us to a head and end
+this delicious but intolerable uncertainty as to how we stood; yet,
+when old Babette had served us with coffee in the drawing-room, as I
+call the second living-room, and we were alone together, I could not
+bring up the subject. Partly because I think she prevented me so doing
+by that skilful shepherding of the conversation into other paths with
+an artfulness with which God endows all women, and also partly because
+I could not screw myself up to the pitch. I could not, or rather would
+not, put my fate to the touch. I had a presentiment that in reaching
+for the summit I might fall from the slope. Alas! how true was this
+foreboding in some senses--but I will keep all things in their right
+order.
+
+[Illustration: "_The track met our ram_."]
+
+[Illustration: In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower]
+
+Let it only be recorded that when she kissed me good-night (with the
+tenderness of a mother) and left me to smoke a final cigar I had said
+nothing, and I could only wonder at the strange fate that had placed me
+practically alone with a girl whom I had grown to love with a deep
+emotion, and who appeared to love me, yet often behaved as if I was her
+brother.
+
+The next day we were like two children. The snow was deep on the
+ground, and the fir trees stood like thousands of sentinels in grey
+uniform round the clearing. Once during the afternoon, as with Zoe's
+assistance I was furiously chopping wood for the fire, a droning noise
+made me look up, and thousands of metres overhead a small squadron of
+aeroplanes, evidently bound for the Western Front, sailed slowly across
+the sky. I thought how awkward it would be for them if they experienced
+an engine failure whilst over the forest, though they were up so high
+that I imagine they could have glided ten kilometres, and as I think
+(but I am not certain, and I have pledged myself not to try and find
+out) we were in the Forest of Montellan, which is barely fifteen
+kilometres broad, I suppose they could have fallen clear of the trees.
+
+As a matter of fact I imagine they would have used our clearing--I'm
+glad they didn't.
+
+That night after dinner she played to me, first Beethoven and then
+Chopin. I can see her as I write; she had just finished the 14th
+Prelude and, resting her chin on her hand, she smiled mysteriously at
+me.
+
+The hour had come, and, driven by strong impulses, I spoke. I told her
+that I loved her as I had never thought that a man could love a woman;
+I told her that I longed to shield her and protect her, and above all
+things to remove her from the clutches of that bestial Colonel, and as
+I bent over her and felt my senses swim in the subtleties of her
+perfume, I begged her passionately to say the word that would give me
+the right to fight the world on her behalf.
+
+When I had finished she was silent for a long while, and I can remember
+distinctly that I wondered whether she could hear the thump! thump!
+thump! of my heart, which to my agitated mind seemed to beat with the
+strength of a hammer.
+
+At length she spoke; two words came slowly from her lips:
+
+"I cannot."
+
+I was not discouraged. I could see, I could feel, that a tremendous
+struggle was raging, the outward signs of which were concealed by her
+averted head.
+
+At length I asked her point-blank whether she loved me. Her silence
+gave me my answer, and I took her unresisting body into my arms and
+kissed her to distraction. Oh! these kisses, how bitter they seem to me
+now, and yet how I long to hold her once again. For, freeing herself
+from my embrace and speaking almost mechanically, she said:
+
+"Karl! I must tell you. I cannot marry you."
+
+I pleaded, I prayed, I argued, I demanded. It was in vain; I always
+came up against the immovable "I cannot."
+
+And then I crashed over the precipice towards whose edge I had been
+blindly going. I had said for the hundredth time, "But you know you
+love me," when with a sob she abandoned all reserve, and, flinging her
+arms round my neck, implored me to take her. Then, as I caught my
+breath, she quickly said, as if frightened that she had gone too far,
+"But I cannot marry you."
+
+I looked down into those beautiful eyes, and for the first time I
+understood. For perhaps ten seconds I battled for my soul and the
+purity of our love; then, tearing my sight from those eyes which would
+lure an archangel to destruction, I was once more master of my body. As
+my resolution grew, I hated her for doing this thing that had wrecked
+in an instant the hopes of months, the ideals on which I had begun to
+build afresh my life.
+
+She felt the change, and left me.
+
+As she went out by the door she gave me one last look, a look in which
+love struggled with shame, a look which no man has ever earned the
+right to receive from any woman.
+
+But I was as a statue of marble, dazed by this calamity.
+
+As the door closed upon her, I started forward--it was too late.
+
+Had she waited another instant--but there, I write of what has happened
+and not what might have been.
+
+I did not sleep that night, until the dawn began to separate each fir
+tree from the black mass of the forest. Twice in the night, with shame
+I confess it, I opened my door and looked down the little passage-way;
+and twice I closed the door and threw myself upon my bed in an agony of
+torment. It was ten o'clock when a knock at the door aroused me, and
+the sunlight through the window-pane was tracing patterns on the floor.
+
+There was a note on the breakfast table, but before I opened it I knew
+that, save for Babette, I was alone in the house.
+
+The note was brief, unaddressed and unsigned. I have it here before me;
+I have meant to tear it up but I cannot. It is a weakness to keep it,
+but I have lost so much in the last few days, that I will not grudge
+myself some small relic of what has been. The note says:
+
+"I am leaving for Bruges at half-past eight, when the car was ordered
+to fetch us back. I go alone. Babette will give you breakfast. The car
+will return for you at eleven o'clock. I rely on your honour in that
+you will not observe where you have been. Come to me when you want
+me--till then, farewell."
+
+It was as she said, and I honourably acceded to her request. This
+afternoon just before lunch I arrived in Bruges, and since tea-time I
+have tried to write down what has happened since I left the day before
+yesterday. Oh! how could she do it, how can it be possible that she is
+a woman like that? I could have sworn that she was not like this--and
+yet how can I account for her life with the Colonel? There must be some
+reason, but in Heaven's name, what?
+
+Meanwhile I am to go to her when I want her! And that will be when I
+can give her my name. But oh! Zoe, I want you now, so badly, oh! so
+badly!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I saw her once to-day in the gardens, walking by herself.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have told Max's secretary that I want to get to sea; to be here in
+Bruges and not to see her is more than I can bear.
+
+I sail at dawn to-morrow. Shall I see her? No, it is best not.
+
+A frightful noise over the New Year celebrations to-night. Champagne
+flowing like water in the Mess. I feel the year 1917 opens badly for
+me.
+
+Weissman also went to sea again for a short trip in the Channel, and
+has not reported for five days. Perhaps he has despised the Dover
+Barrage once too often. If this is so, it is a great loss to the
+service: he was a man of iron resolution in underwater attack.
+
+I feel I ought to despise Zoe, but I can't. I love her too much; after
+all, am I not perhaps encasing myself in the robe of a Pharisee?
+
+She offered me all she had, save only the one thing I asked, without
+which I will take nothing. I cannot reconcile her behaviour with her
+character; why can't she trust me? why can't she be frank with me? I
+will not believe she is that sort.
+
+I feel I cannot go out again without a _sign_--I may not return, and I
+will not leave her, perhaps for ever, with this bitterness between us.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+At sea in U.C.47 again. Alten as surly as ever.
+
+I decided finally to write to Zoe, but found it difficult to know what
+to say. Eventually I said more than I had intended. I told her frankly
+that I experienced a shock, but that I had not meant to seem so cold,
+and that what I had done had been done for both our sakes. I told her
+that I still loved her, and I implored her once more to leave the
+Colonel and come to me as my wife.
+
+Already I long to know what message awaits me on my return.
+
+This will not be for three days. We left at dawn this morning to lay
+mines off the channel to Harwich harbour; a nest from which submarines,
+cruisers and destroyers buzz in and out like wasps. It will be ticklish
+work.
+
+
+
+
+_On the bottom_.
+
+
+Our mines are still with us, but so are our lives, which is something.
+
+We were approaching the appointed spot at 6 a.m. this morning, when
+without the slightest warning the track of a torpedo was seen streaking
+towards us about 50 yards on the starboard bow.
+
+Before Alten (who was on the bridge with me) could do more than press
+the diving alarm, the track met our ram. I breathed again, and was then
+reminded by an oath from Alten that the boat was diving.
+
+It was evident that we had only been saved by the torpedo running deep
+under the cut-away part of our bow, otherwise!--well, the tangle of my
+affairs would have been easily straightened.
+
+Further procedure on the surface was suicidal, and we kept hydrophone
+patrol, twice hearing the motors of the enemy submarine. At the moment
+we are on the bottom waiting to come up and charge to-night, and lay
+our mines at dawn to-morrow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+On the bottom in 28 metres and feeling none too comfortable, as there
+would appear to be about a dozen destroyers overhead.
+
+Last night, or rather early this morning, I participated in one of the
+most extraordinary incidents that I have ever heard of.
+
+It was pitch-black dark when I took over at 4 a.m., and a fresh breeze
+had raised a lumpy sea, which covered the bridge with spray. We were
+charging 400 amps on each, with the intention of laying one mine
+directly there was sufficient light to get a fix from some of the buoys
+which the English stick down all over the place here in the most
+convenient manner possible. If only one could believe they never
+shifted them. Alten says it never occurs to an Englishman to do a thing
+like that, but I'm not so sure. However, we were proceeding along at
+about five knots, crashing into the sea rather badly, when out of the
+black beastliness of the night I saw a shape close aboard on the port
+hand.
+
+As I hesitated for a second as to my course of action, I was astounded
+to see a large submarine which must have been British, on an opposite
+course, not more than 25 metres away!
+
+This sounds absurd, but it really wasn't further. I'm not ashamed to
+confess that I was completely disorganized; it did not seem possible
+that the enemy was literally alongside me.
+
+I don't know how it struck the officer in the British boat, but I must
+give him credit for doing something first, for he fired a Very's white
+light straight at me as the two boats passed. It impinged on the hull,
+and in the flash I caught a photographic glimpse of his conning tower,
+on which was painted the letter E, followed by two numbers, of which
+one was a two I think, and the other a nine.
+
+By this time he was on my port quarter and rapidly disappearing; in a
+frenzy of rage I managed to get my revolver out, and whilst with the
+left hand I pressed the diving alarm, with the right hand I emptied the
+magazine in his direction. When we were down, Alten practically
+refused to believe me, which made me very pleased that in descending I
+had trod on a pair of hands which turned out to be his, as he had
+started up the ladder to the upper conning tower when he first heard
+the alarm.
+
+I presume our opponent dived as well, but evidently he had put two and
+two together and used his aerial at some period, for when at dawn we
+poked a periscope up, a flotilla of destroyers appeared to be looking
+for something, which "something" was us, unless I am much mistaken; so
+we bottomed, where we have been ever since. The Hydroplane Operator
+keeps up a monotonous sing-song to the effect that "Fast running
+propellers are either receding or approaching." The crew are collected
+round the mine-tubes as I write, and are singing a lugubrious song, the
+refrain of which runs:
+
+  "Death for the Fatherland! Glorious fate,
+  This is the end that we gladly await."
+
+Why will the seamen always become morbid when possible? And there is
+not a man amongst them who is not inwardly thinking of some beer-hall
+in Bruges, though I suppose that like their betters they have their
+romances of a tenderer kind.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The boat has been rolling about on the bottom in the most sickening
+manner the whole afternoon. We flooded P and Q to capacity, which gave
+her 50 tons negative, but it seems to have little effect in steadying
+her, and it is evident that a really heavy gale is running on top.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Surfaced at 10 p.m.; a very heavy sea running and impossible to do much
+more than heave to. This weather has one point in its favour and that
+is that the destroyers are driven in.
+
+It got steadily worse all night, and at midnight we lost our foremost
+wireless mast overboard; we have now (10 a.m.) been 48 hours without
+communication. At dawn we could see nothing to fix by; not a buoy in
+sight, nothing but an expanse of foam-topped short steep waves of dirty
+neutral-tinted water; how different to the great green and white surges
+of the broad Atlantic.
+
+Under these circumstances Alten decided to risk it and return without
+laying our mines; for once in a way I agreed with him, as it is better
+not to lay a minefield at all than dump one down in some unknown
+position which one may have to traverse oneself in the course of a
+month or so. We are now slowly, very slowly, struggling back to
+Zeebrugge.
+
+A green sea came down the conning tower to-day, and everything in the
+boat is damp and smelly and beastly. The propellers race at frequent
+intervals and the whole boat shudders--I feel miserable.
+
+Alten has started to drink spirits; he began as soon as we decided to
+go back. He will be incapable by to-night, and it means that I shall
+have to take her in.
+
+What hell this is, sitting in sodden clothes, with the stench of four
+days' living assaulting the nostrils, and a motion of the devil; the
+glass is very low and is slowly rising, so that I suppose it will blow
+harder soon, though it is about force eight at present.
+
+I wonder what Zoe will have written in reply to my note. When I think
+of what I rejected and compare it with my beast-like existence here, I
+can hardly believe that I behaved as I did--what would I not give now
+to be transported back to the forest! At this rate of progress we shall
+take another 24 hours. I wonder if I can knock another half-knot out of
+her without smashing her up.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The extraordinarily violent motion has upset the _Anschutz_. [1] The
+bearing cone of the stabilizing gyro has cracked, and the master
+compass began to wander off in circles. I was just resting for an hour
+or two, wedged up on a wet settee with coats equally wet, when her
+heavy pitching changed to a wallowing roll, and I heard the pilot, who
+was on watch, cursing down the voice-pipe, as we had sagged off our
+course.
+
+[Footnote 1: Gyroscopic compass.--ETIENNE.]
+
+I heard the voice of the helmsman querulously maintain that he was
+steering his course by _Anschutz_, so I got up and gingerly clawed my
+way into the control room, where I found by comparing _Anschutz_ with
+magnetic that the former had gone to hell, the reason being obvious, as
+the stabilizer was exerting a strongly biased torque. I stopped the
+_Anschutz_ and asked the pilot to give the helmsman a steady by
+magnetic.
+
+As we staggered back to our course I heard a thud in the wardroom, and
+on returning to my settee found that Alten had rolled out of his bunk,
+where he was lying in a drunken stupor, and that he was face downwards,
+sprawling on the deck, half his face in the broken half of a dirty dish
+which had fallen off the table whilst I was having tea. As I couldn't
+let the crew see him like this, I was obliged to struggle and get him
+back into his bunk. He was like a log and absolutely incapable of
+rendering me any assistance, though he did open his eyes and mutter
+once or twice as I lifted him up, trunk first and then his legs. He
+stank of spirits and I hated touching him. Lord! what a truly hoggish
+man he is; yet I cannot help envying him his oblivion to these
+surroundings.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+Arrived in, this afternoon.
+
+
+Alten quite slept off his drink, and was offensively sarcastic as I
+worked on the forepart with wires, getting her into the shelters
+alongside the mole.
+
+I hastened up to Bruges, and in the Mess heard several items of news
+and found two letters. The first, in a well-known handwriting, I opened
+eagerly, but received a chill of disappointment when I read its single
+line.
+
+"I am here when you want me.--Z."
+
+So she thinks to break my resolution!
+
+No! I am stronger than she, and, now that I know she loves me, I can
+and will bend her to my will. Even now, at this distance of time, I can
+hardly understand my conduct the other day. I must have been given the
+strength of ten. I feel that I could not do it again; had she hesitated
+a second longer at the door--well, I can hardly say what I would have
+done.
+
+It is my duty to do so, for her sake and my own. But I know my
+weakness, and in this fact lies my strength. Cost what it may, I shall
+not permit myself to go near her until she yields.
+
+The second letter gave me a great surprise. It was from Rosa. She has
+passed some examination, and is coming _here_ of all places as a Red
+Cross nurse. She says she is looking forward to going round a U-boat!
+She assumes a good deal, I must say, still, I suppose I must be polite
+to her; but why the deuce does she sign herself "Yours, Rosa?" She's
+not mine, and I don't want her; it seems funny to me that I once
+thought of her vaguely in that sort of way. Now, I feel rather
+disturbed that she is coming here, though I don't quite see why I
+should worry, and yet I wonder if it is a coincidence her coming to
+Bruges?
+
+I'm almost inclined to think it isn't. After all, every girl wants to
+get married, and without conceit my family, circumstances and, in the
+privacy of the pages of this journal I may add, my personal
+appearances, are such as would appeal to most girls--except Zoe,
+apparently!
+
+I'll have to be on my guard against Miss Rosa.
+
+I heard to-day that I am likely to be appointed to the periscope school
+in a few weeks' time, and meanwhile I am to be attached as
+supernumerary to the operations division on old Max's staff.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The work here is most interesting. I feel glad that I am one of the
+spiders weaving the web for Britain's destruction.
+
+The impasse with Zoe still continues, and my peace of mind has been
+still further disturbed by the actual arrival of Rosa. She rang me up
+within twelve hours of her arrival, and, of course, I was obliged to
+call. That was the day before yesterday. Rosa is at the No. 3 Hospital
+here, and was horribly effusive. Some people would, I suppose, call her
+good-looking, but to me, with my mind's-eye in perpetual contemplation
+of my darling Zoe, Rosa looked like a turnip. Her first movement after
+the preliminary greetings was to offer me a cigarette! I then noticed
+that her fingers were stained with nicotine, unpleasant in a man,
+disgusting in a woman.
+
+Her nose was shiny and greasy--horrible. After a little talk she
+volunteered the statement that yesterday was her afternoon off, and she
+was simply longing to have tea in the gardens.
+
+I endeavoured to make some feeble excuse on the grounds of the weather
+being unsuitable, but I am no good at these social lies, and I was
+eventually obliged to promise to take her there. I was the more annoyed
+in that her main object was obviously to be seen walking with a U-boat
+officer.
+
+Accordingly, yesterday, I found myself walking about with her at my
+side. My feelings can better be imagined than described when I suddenly
+saw Zoe, accompanied by Babette, in the distance. I hastily altered
+course, and pray she didn't see me.
+
+In the course of the afternoon Rosa had the impertinence to say that at
+Frankfurt they were saying that I was interested in a beautiful widow
+at Bruges, and could she (Rosa) write and say I was heart-whole, or
+else what the girl was like. I'm afraid that I lost my temper a little,
+and I told Rosa she could write to all the busybodies at home and tell
+them from me to go to the devil.
+
+These women in the home circle, and especially aunts, are always the
+same; firstly, they badger one to get married, and then if they think
+one is contemplating such a step they are all agog to find out whether
+she is suitable!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Three more boats, two of which are U.C.'s, are overdue. It is
+distinctly unpleasant not knowing how or where they go, though the U.B.
+boat (Friederich Althofen) made her incoming position the day before
+yesterday as off Dungeness, so it looks as if the barrage at Dover
+which got Weissman has got Althofen as well. I wonder what new devilry
+they have put down there.
+
+How one wishes that in 1914, instead of seeking the capture of Paris,
+we had realized the importance of the Channel Ports to England, and
+struck for them!
+
+It would not have been necessary to strike even in September, 1914. We
+could have walked into them. Dunkirk, at all events, should have been
+ours; however, we must do the best with things as they are, not that I
+would consider it too late even now to make a big push for the French
+coast.
+
+It would seem, as a matter of fact, that all the pushing is to be at
+the other end of the line, in the Verdun sector, from the rumours I
+hear, though I should have thought once bitten twice shy in that
+quarter.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Saw Zoe again in the distance, and I think she saw me; at all events
+she turned round and walked away.
+
+This girl whom I cannot, and would not if I could, obliterate from my
+thoughts, is causing me much worry.
+
+She shows no sign of giving in, and I for one intend to be adamant. I
+shall defeat her in time. The male intellect is always ultimately
+victorious, other things being equal. I was reading Schopenhauer on the
+subject last night. What a brain that man had, though I confess his
+analysis of the female mentality is so terribly and truthfully cruel
+that it jars on certain of my feelings.
+
+Zoe's resolution in this conflict, this sex war one might call it, only
+adds to her charm in my eyes; she is, I feel, a worthy mate for me,
+both intellectually and physically, and she shall be mine--I have
+decided it.
+
+Met Rosa to-day at old Max's house, where I went to pay a duty call.
+
+Her Excellency is as forbidding a specimen of her sex as any I have
+ever met. She quite frightened me, and in the home circle the old man
+seemed quite subdued.
+
+I escorted Rosa home, and on the way to her hospital she gave me a
+great surprise, as after much evasive talk she suddenly came out with
+the news that she was engaged to Heinrich Baumer, of U.C.23. I was
+quite taken aback, and will frankly confess that not so very long ago I
+imagined, evidently erroneously, that she was disposed to let her
+affections become engaged in another quarter. However, I was really
+very glad to hear this news, and congratulated her with genuine
+feeling.
+
+The knowledge that she was a promised woman quite altered my feelings
+towards her, and before I quite meant to, I had told her a considerable
+amount about Zoe. It gave me much relief to be able to unburden myself,
+and confide my difficulties elsewhere than in the pages of this
+journal.
+
+I have asked the girl to tea to-morrow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A vile air raid last night. British machines, of course. They seemed
+determined to get over the town, and from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. relays of
+machines (of which not _one_ was shot down) attacked us. The din was
+tremendous, and all sleep was out of the question.
+
+Morning revealed surprisingly little damage, as is often the case in
+these big raids, whereas a few bombs from a chance machine often work
+havoc. I was down at 50 B.C. aerodrome this morning, and heard that as
+soon as the moon suits we are going to make Dunkirk sit up as
+retaliation for last night's efforts. There were also rumours of big
+attacks impending on London as soon as the new type of Gothas are
+delivered. That will shake the smug security of those cursed islanders.
+
+Rosa came to tea, and afterwards I told her more about Zoe, and as I
+expect any day to be appointed to the periscope school at Kiel, I asked
+Rosa to try and effect an introduction to Zoe, and do what she could
+for me. Rosa gave me the impression that she was somewhat surprised
+that I should have had any difficulty with Zoe (of course I had not
+told her of the shooting-box scene). Rosa evidently thinks any woman
+ought to be honoured....
+
+Perhaps I was not so far wrong in my surmises as to Rosa's previous
+inclinations--I wonder; at any rate she will undoubtedly make Baumer a
+good wife, and she will probably be very fruitful and grow still fatter
+and housewifely. She is of a type of woman appointed by God in his
+foresight as breeders. Zoe, my adorable one, will probably not take
+kindly to babies.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am ordered to report myself at Kiel by next Monday.
+
+I am terribly tempted to ring up Zoe on the telephone before I leave:
+it seems dreadful to leave her without a word; but at the same time I
+feel that she would interpret this as a sign of weakness on my part--as
+indeed it would be. I must be firm, for strength of mind pays with
+women, even more than with men.
+
+
+
+
+_At Kiel_.
+
+
+I left Bruges without a word either to or from my obstinate darling.
+
+It is torture being away from her. I had thought that when I was here
+and not exposed to the temptation of going round and seeing her, that
+it would be easier; it is not. I long to write, and how I wonder
+whether she is feeling it as I do.
+
+I have read somewhere that a woman's passion once aroused is more
+ungovernable than a man's. That her whole being cries aloud for me
+cannot be doubted, and if the above statement is true what
+inflexibility of will she must be showing--it almost makes me fear--but
+no, I will defeat her in this strange contest, and she shall be my
+wife.
+
+The work here is strenuous, and the grass does not grow under one's
+feet. The course for commanding officers lasts four weeks, and
+terminates in an exceedingly practical but rather fearsome test--i.e.,
+they have six steamers here camouflaged after the English fashion with
+dazzle painting, and these six steamers, protected by launches and
+harbour defence craft, steam across Kiel Bay in the manner of a convoy.
+The officer being examined has to attack this group of ships in one of
+the instructional submarines, and in three attacks he must score at
+least two hits, or else, in theory, he is returned to general service
+in the Fleet.
+
+Fortunately at the moment I hear that owing to recent losses they are
+distinctly on the short side where submarine officers are concerned, so
+they'll probably make it easy when I do my test.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I see I have written nothing here for a fortnight; this is due to two
+causes: Firstly, I have been so extraordinarily busy, and, secondly, I
+have been most depressed through a letter I received from Fritz. It
+contained two items of bad news.
+
+In the first place, I heard for the first time of the tragedy of
+Heinrich Baumer's boat, and to my astonishment Fritz tells me that Rosa
+and another girl were in her when she was lost!
+
+It appears that she was to go out for a couple of hours' diving off the
+port as a matter of routine after her two months' overhaul. She went
+out at 10 a.m., and was sighted from the signal station at the end of
+the mole at 11.30, when almost immediately afterwards there was an
+explosion and she disappeared. Motor-boats were quickly on the scene,
+but only debris came to the surface. Divers were sent down, and
+reported that she was in ten metres of water completely shattered. It
+is assumed, for lack of other explanation, that she struck a chance
+drifting mine which was moving down the coast on the tide.
+
+Meanwhile Rosa and another sister were missing from the hospital, and
+after forty-eight hours someone put two and two together and started
+investigations. It has been ascertained that Baumer motored down from
+Bruges after breakfast, and that in the car were two figures taken to
+be sailors, as they were muffled up in oilskins. This fact was noted by
+the control sentries, as, though the day was showery, it was not
+raining hard. Other scraps of evidence unite in showing that these were
+the two girls who had apparently induced Baumer to take them out for a
+dive as a treat.
+
+What a tragedy! However, it must have been quite instantaneous. Poor
+Rosa, with all her vanities about war work, to think that the war would
+claim her like that! [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: It is known that a boat with women on board was lost
+whilst exercising off Zeebrugge in the Spring of 1917. This would
+appear to be the boat in question.--ETIENNE.]
+
+Fritz added that old Max is almost off his head with rage over the
+whole business, and it is difficult to say whether he is more angry
+over Baumer and the boat being lost, or over the fact that Baumer being
+dead he is unable to administer those "disciplinary actions" in which
+he delights.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Great excitement here, as the day after to-morrow His Imperial Majesty
+the Kaiser and Hindenburg are due to pay Kiel a surprise visit. We are
+to be inspected and addressed. Tremendous preparations are going on.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+His Majesty, accompanied by the great Field-Marshal, inspected us this
+morning, and made a fine speech, of which we have been given printed
+copies. I shall frame mine and hang it in my boat, if I get a command.
+
+I transcribe it:
+
+"Officers and men of the U-boat service:
+
+"In the midst of the anxious moments in which we live I have determined
+to make time to come and witness in my own person the labours of those
+on whom I and the Fatherland rely. Fresh from the great battles on the
+West which are gnawing at the vitals of our hereditary enemies, I come
+to those whose glorious mission it will be to strike relentlessly at
+our most deadly and cunning enemy--cursed Britain. God is on our side
+and will protect you at sea for, in the striking at the nation which
+openly boasts that it aims at starving our women and children, you are
+engaged on a mission of undoubted holiness.
+
+"You must sink and destroy even as of old the Israelites smote and
+destroyed the alien races.
+
+"To the officers I would particularly say, my person is your honour,
+and I am your supreme chief. From my hands you will receive honour, and
+from my hands will proceed just punishment for the unhappy ones who
+fail in their duty.
+
+"To the men I would say, trust and obey your officers as you would your
+God. Officers and men! In you, your Kaiser and Fatherland place their
+trust--let neither be disappointed!"
+
+After his address, His Majesty graciously spoke a few words to
+individuals, of whom I had the signal honour of being one. I felt that
+I was in the presence of an Emperor. His gestures, his eyes, his voice,
+impressed me as belonging to a man born to command and to fill high
+places. The Field-Marshal never opened his mouth. I understand from his
+A.D.C. that he rarely speaks in public.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Colonel is KILLED! When I think about it, I am so excited I can
+hardly write!
+
+I heard the great news last night, quite by accident. I was sitting in
+the Mess after dinner, and picked up _Die Woche_, and glancing at the
+pictures, I suddenly saw the portrait of Colonel Stein, of the
+Brandenburgers, killed on the 7th instant near Ypres. I recognized the
+ugly and bloated face immediately from the photograph of him which she
+had once shown me.
+
+My first impulse was to send her a wire, but, on thinking matters over,
+I decided that it would be difficult to put all my thoughts into the
+curt sentences of a telegram, and, further, that as all wires are
+doubtless examined at the Main Post Office at Bruges, it might lead to
+trouble, so I wrote her a letter.
+
+This, in a way, has been an exhibition of weakness on my part, as I had
+promised myself that I would not take the first step in reopening
+communication; but I feel that the fortunate death of Stein has
+completely altered the case. I told her in the letter that I realized
+that I had made mistakes, but that if she still loved me with half the
+strength that I loved her, then a telegram to me would make me the
+happiest of men.
+
+I wrote that yesterday, but have had no wire. Perhaps, like me, she
+distrusts telegrams and prefers letters.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A long letter from Zoe: an accursed fetter--an abominable letter--a
+damnable letter; she still refuses to marry me. I leave for Bruges
+to-night on forty-eight hours' special leave.
+
+
+
+
+_Kiel, 17th._
+
+
+I hate Zoe, she has broken my heart.
+
+After her preposterous letter of the 14th, I decided that in a matter
+which so closely affected my happiness no stone ought to remain
+unturned to ensure a satisfactory solution of the problem, so I
+determined to have a personal interview. I arrived at Bruges after tea
+and went at once to the flat.
+
+I tackled her immediately on the subject of her letter, and told her
+that naturally I understood that a decent interval must elapse before
+we married; but, granted this fact, I told her that I failed to see
+what prevented our marriage.
+
+A most unpleasant and harrowing scene ensued, the details of which form
+such painful recollections that I really cannot write them down here,
+though in the passage of months I have acquired the habit of writing in
+the pages of this journal with the same freedom as I would talk to that
+wife whom I had hoped to possess. She maintained an obstinate silence
+when I urged her to give me at least some tangible reason as to why she
+would not marry me. She contented herself and maddened me by reflecting
+in a kind of monotone: "I love you, Karl! and am yours, but I cannot
+marry you."
+
+I could have beaten her till she was senseless, but I had enough sense
+to realize that with Zoe, whose resolution, considering she is a woman,
+amazes me, force is not the best method. As I continued to press her
+(time was important: had I not journeyed far to see her?), those
+glorious eyes of hers, which I love and whose power I dread, filled
+with tears. I was a brute! I was heartless! I was inconsiderate! I
+could not love her! I was cruel! And I know not what other accusation
+crushed me down.
+
+Broken-hearted and dispirited, I told her to choose there and then.
+
+She collapsed on to a sofa in a storm of tears, and after a severe
+mental struggle I took the only possible course, and leaving the
+room--left her for ever. I have resumed my service life determined to
+cast her out from my mind.
+
+I will not deceive myself: it will be hard. Love and Logic are deadly
+enemies, but Logic must and shall prevail. Though I have seen her for
+the last time, I cannot escape the net of fascination which the girl
+has thrown over me. Perhaps in the course of time I shall slowly emerge
+and free myself from its entanglements. At present I hate her for this
+blow she has dealt me, and yet, O Zoe! my darling, how I long to be
+with you!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+To-day I went through my final test for qualification as U-boat
+commander.
+
+At 9 a.m. I proceeded to sea in command of the U.11, one of the
+instructional boats here. We proceeded out into Kiel Bay. On board and
+watching my every movement was a committee consisting of a commander
+and two lieutenant-commanders.
+
+On arrival at the entrance lightship, I was ordered to attack a convoy
+of camouflaged ships which were just visible about fifteen kilometres
+away off the Spit Bank. I had a very shrewd idea as to the course they
+would steer, and on coming up for my final observation I found myself
+in an excellent position, 1,000 metres on the bow of the leading ship.
+The rest was easy. I gave the leader the two bow torpedoes, and,
+turning sixteen points, fired my stern tube at the third ship of the
+line. Two hits were obtained, and I returned to harbour well pleased
+with myself. There is not the slightest chance of having failed to
+qualify.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+My confidence in myself was not misplaced; I heard to-day that I am on
+the command list, and anticipate in a few days being appointed to a
+boat. I wonder which craft I shall get?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I met the A.D.C. to the Chief of the Staff at the school, at the
+gardens, and in conversation with him discovered that he had heard that
+three boats were being detached from the Flanders flotilla for an
+unknown destination. This has given me an idea, for I feel that I can
+never return to Bruges, and I was rather dreading being appointed to
+one of the boats there. I have dropped a line to Fritz Regels, who is
+on old Max's staff, and told him that I do not wish to return to
+Bruges, and I further hinted that I understood a detached squadron was
+proceeding somewhere, and, as far as I was concerned, the further the
+better, if I could get into it.
+
+I have tried the night life at this place at the Mascotte and
+Trocadero, [1] in order to forget, but it is a poor consolation.
+
+[Footnote 1: Two well-known cabarets at Kiel.--ETIENNE.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A letter from Fritz, saying that he has an idea that Korting's boat
+would suit me, though he could not of course give me further details in
+a letter; however, he informs me positively that I shall not be at
+Bruges.
+
+On the strength of this I have wired to Fritz, and asked him to try and
+fix up an exchange between me and Korting, provided the latter is
+agreeable and the people in Max's office have no objection. I have a
+recollection that Korting's boat is one of the U.40--U.60 class, which
+would suit me admirably, and, as for destination, I care not where it
+is, provided only that it be far from Bruges.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea_.
+
+
+I have quite neglected my poor old journal for several weeks. But I
+have passed through an extraordinarily busy period.
+
+It was approved that I should relieve Korting, whose boat, the U.59, I
+discovered to be refitting at Wilhelmshaven. I was very pleased not to
+go back to Bruges, though as we steam steadily north at this moment I
+cannot escape a sense of deep disappointment that upon my return from
+this trip I shall not enjoy as of old the fascination of Zoe. But I
+shall have plenty of time to get accustomed to this idea, for this is
+no ordinary trip.
+
+We are bound for the North Cape and Murman Coast, where we remain until
+well into the cold weather--at any rate, for three months.
+
+Our mission is to work off that fogbound and desolate coast, and attack
+the constant stream of traffic between England and Archangel. There are
+two other boats besides ourselves on the job, but we shall all be
+working far apart.
+
+Our first billet is off the North Cape. In order to save time, we are
+to be provisioned once a month in one of the fjords. I don't imagine
+the Admiralty will have any difficulty in getting supplies up to us, as
+at the moment we are off the Lofotens, and we actually have not had to
+dive since we left the Bight!
+
+There seems to be nothing on the sea except ourselves. Where is the
+much vaunted and impenetrable web of blockade which the English are
+supposed to have spread around us? And yet many raw materials are
+getting very short with us. I see that in this boat they have replaced
+several copper pipes with steel ones during her refit, and this will
+lead to trouble unless we are careful--steel pipes corrode so badly
+that I never feel ready to trust them for pressure work.
+
+The truth about the blockade is that it is largely a paper blockade,
+yet not ineffective for all that. Unfortunately for us, the damned
+English and their hangers-on control the cables of the world, and hence
+all the markets, and I don't suppose, to take the case of copper, that
+a single pound of it is mined from the Rio Tinto without the British
+Board of Trade knowing all about it. The neutral firms simply dare not
+risk getting put on to the British Black List; it means ruination for
+them. And then all these dollar-grabbing Yankees, enjoying all the
+advantages of war without any of its dangers--they make me sick.
+
+This seems a most profitable job. I have only been up seven days, but
+I've bagged four steamers, all by gun-fire, and all fat ships, brimful
+of stuff for the Russians. My practice has been to make the North Cape
+every day or two to fix position, as the currents are the most abnormal
+in these parts, and I should say that the "Sailing Directions Pilotage
+Handbook" and "Tidal Charts" were compiled by a gentleman at a desk who
+had never visited these latitudes.
+
+At the moment I am standing well out to sea, as the immediate vicinity
+of the North Cape has become rather unhealthy.
+
+Yesterday afternoon (I had sunk number four in the morning, and the
+crew were still pulling for the coast) four British trawlers turned up.
+These damned little craft seem to turn up wherever one goes. I longed
+to have a bang at them with my gun, but, apart from the uncertainty as
+to what they carried in the way of armament, I have strict orders to
+avoid all that sort of thing, so I dived and steamed slowly west, came
+up at dusk and proceeded to charge up my batteries.
+
+These U.60's are excellent boats, and I am very lucky to get one so
+soon. I suppose Korting, being a married man, wants to stay near his
+wife. I cannot write that word without painful memories of Zoe and idle
+thoughts of what might have been. Well, perhaps it is for the best. I
+am not sure that a member of the U-boat service has the right to get
+married in war-time, for unless he is of exceptional mentality it must
+affect his outlook under certain circumstances, though I think I should
+have been an exception here. Then the anxiety to the woman must be
+enormous; as every trip comes round a voice must cry within her, this
+may be the last. The contrast between the times in harbour and the
+trips is so violent, so shattering and clear cut.
+
+With a soldier's wife, she merely knows that he is at the front; with
+us, at 8 p.m. one may be kissing one's wife in Bruges, and at 6 a.m.
+creeping with nerves on edge through the unknown dangers of the Dover
+Barrage--but I have strayed from what I meant to write about--my first
+command and her crew.
+
+The quarters in this class are immensely superior to the U.C.-boats.
+Here I have a little cabin to myself, with a knee-hole table in it. My
+First Lieutenant, the Navigator and the Engineer have bunks in a room
+together, and then we have a small officers' mess.
+
+On this job up here, as we are not to return to Germany for supplies,
+and, consequently, I should say we may have to live on what we can get
+out of steamers, I don't propose to use my torpedoes unless I meet a
+warship or an exceptionally large steamer.
+
+The gun's the thing, as Arnauld de la Perrière has proved in the
+Mediterranean; but half the fellows won't follow his example, simply
+because they don't realize that it's no use employing the gun unless it
+is used accurately, and good shooting only comes after long drill.
+
+I have impressed this fact on my gun crew, and particularly the two
+gun-layers, and I make Voigtman (my young First Lieutenant) take the
+crew through their loading drill twice a day, together with practice of
+rapid manning of the gun after a "surface" or rapid abandonment of the
+gun should the diving alarms sound in the middle of practice. I have
+also impressed on Voigtman that I consider that he is the gun control
+officer, and that I expect him to make the efficient working of the gun
+his main consideration.
+
+As regards the crew, they are the usual mixed crowd that one gets
+nowadays: half of them are old sailors, the others recruits and new
+arrivals from the Fleet. My main business at the moment is to get the
+youngsters into shape, and for this purpose I have been doing a number
+of crash dives. It also gives me an opportunity of getting used to the
+boat's peculiarities under water. She seems to have a tendency to
+become tail-heavy, but this may be due to bad trimming.
+
+Voigtman has been in U.B.43 for nine months, and seems a capable
+officer. Socially, I don't think he can boast of much descent, but he
+has no airs, and treats me with pleasing respect, apart from service
+considerations.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A very awkward accident took place this morning, which resulted in
+severe injury to Johann Wiener, my second coxswain.
+
+A party of men under his direction were engaged in shifting the stern
+torpedo from its tube, in order to replace it with a spare torpedo, as
+I never allow any of my torpedoes to stay in the tube for more than a
+week at a time owing to corrosion. The torpedo which had been in the
+tube had been launched back and was on the floor plates.
+
+The spare torpedo, destined for the vacant tube, was hanging overhead,
+when without any warning the hook on the lifting band fractured, and
+the 1,000 kilogrammes' mass of metal crashed down.
+
+Wonderful to relate, no one was killed, but two men were badly bruised,
+and Wiener has been very seriously injured. He was standing astride the
+spare torpedo, and his right leg was extremely badly crushed, mostly
+below the knee.
+
+Unfortunately it took about ten minutes to release him from his
+position of terrible agony. I should have expected him to faint, but he
+did not. His face went dead white, and he began to sweat freely, but
+otherwise endured his ordeal with praiseworthy fortitude.
+
+[Illustration: "The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down."]
+
+[Illustration: "Good-bye! Steer west for America!"]
+
+[Illustration: "It is a snug anchorage and here I intend to remain."]
+
+I am now confronted with a perplexing situation. I cannot take him back
+to Germany; I cannot even leave my station and proceed south to any of
+the Norwegian ports. If I could find a neutral steamer with a doctor on
+board, I would tranship him to her; but the chances of this God-send
+materializing are a thousand to one in these latitudes. If I sighted a
+hospital ship I would close her, but as far as I know at present there
+are no hospital ships running up here. The chances of outside
+assistance may therefore be reckoned as nil. Wiener's hope of life
+depends on me, and I cannot make up my mind to take the step which
+sooner or later must be taken--that is to say, amputation.
+
+It is a curious fact, but true, nevertheless, that although, as a
+result of the war, men's lives, considered in quantity, seem of little
+importance, when it comes to the individual case, a personal contact, a
+man's life assumes all its pre-war importance.
+
+I feel acutely my responsibility in this matter. I see from his papers
+that he is a married man with a family; this seems to make it worse. I
+feel that a whole chain of people depend on me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Since I wrote the above words this morning, Wiener has taken a decided
+turn for the worse.
+
+I have been reading the "Medical Handbook," with reference to the
+remarks on amputation, gangrene, etc., and I have also been examining
+his leg. The poor devil is in great pain, and there is no doubt that
+mortification has set in, as was indeed inevitable. I have decided that
+he must have his last chance, and that at 8 p.m. to-night I will
+endeavour to amputate.
+
+
+
+
+_Midnight_.
+
+
+I have done it--only partially successful.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Last night, in accordance with my decision, I operated on Wiener.
+Voigtman assisted me. It was a terrible business, but I think it
+desirable to record the details whilst they are fresh in my memory, as
+a Court of Inquiry may be held later on. Voigtman and I spent the whole
+afternoon in the study of such meagre details on the subject as are
+available in the "Medical Handbook." We selected our knives and a saw
+and sterilized them; we also disinfected our hands.
+
+At 7.45 I dived the boat to sixty metres, at which depth the boat was
+steady. We had done our best with the wardroom-table, and upon this the
+patient was placed. I decided to amputate about four inches above the
+knee, where the flesh still seemed sound. I considered it impracticable
+to administer an anaesthetic, owing to my absolute inexperience in this
+matter.
+
+Three men held the patient down, as with a firm incision I began the
+work. The sawing through the bone was an agonizing procedure, and I
+needed all my resolution to complete the task. Up to this stage all had
+gone as well as could be expected, when I suddenly went through the
+last piece of bone and cut deep into the flesh on the other side. An
+instantaneous gush of blood took place, and I realized that I had
+unexpectedly severed the popliteal artery, before Voigtman, who was
+tying the veins, was ready to deal with it.
+
+I endeavoured to staunch the deadly flow by nipping the vein between my
+thumb and forefinger, whilst Voigtman hastily tried to tie it. Thinking
+it was tied, I released it, and alas! the flow at once started again;
+once more I seized the vein, and once again Voigtman tried to tie it.
+Useless--we could not stop the blood. He would undoubtedly have bled to
+death before our eyes, had not Voigtman cauterized the place with an
+electric soldering-iron which was handy.
+
+Much shaken, I completed the amputation, and we dressed the stump as
+well as we could.
+
+At the moment of writing he is still alive, but as white as snow; he
+must have lost litres of blood through that artery.
+
+
+
+
+9 _p.m._
+
+
+Wiener died two hours ago. I should say the immediate cause of death
+was shock and loss of blood. I did my best.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We have been out on this extended patrol area seven days, but not a
+wisp of smoke greets our eyes.
+
+Nothing but sea, sea, sea. Oh, how monotonous it is! I cannot make out
+where the shipping has got to. Tomorrow I am going to close the North
+Cape again. I think everything must be going inside me. I am too far
+out here.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The North Cape bears due east. Nothing afloat in sight. Where the devil
+can all the shipping be? In ten days' time I am due to meet my supply
+ship; meanwhile I think I'll have to take another cast out, of three
+hundred miles or so.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Nothing in sight, nothing, nothing.
+
+The barometer falling fast and we are in for a gale. I have decided to
+make the coast again, as I don't want to fail to turn up punctually at
+the rendezvous.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Standarak-Landholm Fjord--thank heavens.
+
+Heavens! we have had a time. We were still two hundred and fifty miles
+from the coast when we were caught by the gale. And a gale up here is a
+gale, and no second thoughts about it. To say it blew with the force of
+ten thousand devils is to understate the case. The sea came on to us in
+huge foaming rollers like waves of attacking infantry intent on
+overwhelming us.
+
+We struggled east at about three knots. But she stuck it magnificently.
+Low scudding clouds obscured the sky and came like a procession of
+ghosts from the north-east. Sun observations were impossible for two
+reasons. Firstly, no one could get on deck; secondly, there was no
+visible sun. This lasted for three days, at the end of which time we
+had only the vaguest idea as to where we were.
+
+The gale then blew out, but, contrary to all expectations, was
+succeeded by a most abominable fog, thick and white like cotton-wool.
+These were hardly ideal conditions under which to close a rocky and
+unknown coast, but it had to be done. The trouble was that it was
+entirely useless taking soundings, as the twenty-metre depth-line on
+the chart went right up to the land. We crept slowly eastwards, till,
+when by dead reckoning we were ten miles inside the coast, the
+Navigator accidentally leant on the whistle lever; this action on his
+part probably saved the ship, as an immediate echo answered the blast.
+In an instant we were going full-speed astern. We altered course
+sixteen points and proceeded ten miles westerly, where we lay on and
+off the coast all night, cursing the fog.
+
+Next day it lifted, and we spent the whole time trying to find the
+entrance to the S. Landholm Fjord. The coast appeared to bear no
+resemblance to the chart whatsoever.
+
+The cliffs stand up to a height of several hundred metres, with
+occasional clefts where a stream runs down. There are no trees, houses,
+animals, or any signs of life, except sea birds, of which there are
+myriads. The Engineer declares he saw a reindeer, but five other people
+on deck failed to see any signs of the beast.
+
+After hours of nosing about, during which my heart was in my mouth, as
+I quite expected to fetch up on a pinnacle rock, items which are
+officially described in the Handbook as being "very numerous," we
+rounded a bluff and got into a place which seems to answer the
+description of S. Landholm. At any rate, it is a snug anchorage, and
+here I intend to remain for a few days, and hope for my store-ship to
+turn up.
+
+I've posted a daylight look-out on top of the bluff; it would be very
+awkward to be caught unawares in this place, which is only about 150
+metres wide in places.
+
+I'm taking advantage of the rest to give the crew some exercises and
+execute various minor repairs to the Diesels.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Yesterday we fought what must be one of the most remarkable single-ship
+actions of the war.
+
+At 9 a.m. the look-out on the cliffs reported smoke to the northward.
+
+I got the anchor up and made ready to push off, but still kept the
+look-out ashore. At 9.30 he reported a destroyer in sight, which seemed
+serious if she chose to look into my particular nook.
+
+At any rate, I thought, I wouldn't be caught like a rat, so I got my
+look-out on board--a matter of ten minutes--and then proceeded out,
+trimmed down and ready for diving.
+
+When I drew clear of the entrance I saw the enemy distant about a
+thousand metres. I at once recognized her as being one of the oldest
+type of Russian torpedo boats afloat. When I established this fact, a
+devil entered into my mind, and did a most foolhardy act.
+
+I decided that I would not retreat beneath the sea, but that I would
+fight her as one service ship to another.
+
+When I make up my mind, I do so in no uncertain manner--indecision is
+abhorrent to me--and I sharply ordered, "Gun's Crew--Action."
+
+I can still see the comical look of wonderment which passed over my
+First Lieutenant's face, but he knows me, and did not hesitate an
+instant. We drilled like a battleship, and in sixty-five seconds--I
+timed it as a matter of interest--from my order we fired the first
+shot. It fell short.
+
+Extraordinary to relate, the torpedo boat, without firing a gun, put
+her helm hard over, and started to steam away at her full speed, which
+I suppose was about seventeen knots.
+
+I actually began to chase her--a submarine chasing a torpedo boat! It
+was ludicrous.
+
+With broad smiles on their faces, my good gun's crew rapidly fired the
+gun, and we had the satisfaction of striking her once, near her after
+funnel, but it did no vital damage, as a few minutes afterwards she
+drew out of range! What a pack of incompetent cowards!
+
+They never fired a shot at us. I suppose half of them were drunk or
+else in a state of semi-mutiny, for one hears strange tales of affairs
+in Russia these days.
+
+The whole incident was quite humorous, but I realized that I had hardly
+been wise, as without doubt the English will hear of this, and these
+trawlers of theirs will turn up, and I'm certainly not going to try any
+heroics with John Bull, who is as tough a fighter as we are.
+
+Meanwhile, what of the supply ship, for I'm supposed to meet her here,
+and it's already twenty-four hours since yesterday's epoch-making
+battle and I expect the English any moment.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+My doubts were removed for me since I received special orders at noon
+by high-power wireless from Nordreich, and on decoding them found that,
+for some reason or other, we are ordered to proceed to Muckle Flugga
+Cape, and thence down the coast of Shetlands to the Fair Island
+Channel, where we are directed to cruise till further orders. Special
+warning is included as to encountering friendly submarines.
+
+It appears to me that a special concentration of U-boats is being
+ordered round about the Orkneys, and that some big scheme is on hand.
+
+We are now steering south-westerly to make Muckle Flugga, which I hope
+to do in four days' time if the weather holds.
+
+These Northern waters have proved very barren of shipping in the last
+few weeks, and this fact, coupled with the approaching winter weather,
+which must be fiendish in these latitudes, makes me quite ready to
+exchange the Archangel billet for the work round the Orkneys and
+Shetlands, though this is damnable enough in the winter, in all
+conscience.
+
+There is only one fly in the ointment, and that is that this premature
+return to North Sea waters might conceivably mean a visit to Zeebrugge,
+though this class are not likely to be sent there.
+
+Though it is many weeks since I left Zoe, I have not been able to
+forget her. I continually wonder what she is doing, and often when I am
+not on my guard she wanders into my thoughts.
+
+Whilst I am up here, it does not matter much, except that it causes me
+unhappiness, but if I found myself at Bruges it would be very hard.
+However, I don't suppose I shall ever see her again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Sighted Muckle Flugga this morning, and shaped course for Fair Island.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Oh! what a hell I have passed through. I can hardly realize that I am
+alive, but I am, though whether I shall be to-morrow morning is
+doubtful--it all depends on the weather, and who would willingly stake
+their life on North Sea weather at this time of the year?
+
+Curses on the man who sent us to the Fair Island Channel. Where the
+devil is our Intelligence Service? If we make Flanders I have a story
+to tell that will open their eyes, blind bats that they are,
+luxuriating in the comfort of their fat staff jobs ashore.
+
+The Fair Island Channel is an English death-trap; it stinks with death.
+By cursed luck we arrived there just as the English were trying one of
+their new devices, and it is the devil. Exactly what the system is, I
+don't quite know, and I hope never again to have to investigate it.
+
+For forty-seven, hours we have been hunted like a rat, and now, with
+the pressure hull leaking in three places, and the boat half full of
+chlorine, we are struggling back on the surface, practically incapable
+of diving at least for more than ten minutes at a time. Even on the
+surface, with all the fans working, one must wear a gas mask to
+penetrate the fore compartment. Oh! these English, what devils they
+are!
+
+Here is what happened:
+
+Fair Island was away on our port beam when we sighted a large English
+trawler, which I suspected of being a patrol. To be on the safe side, I
+dived and proceeded at twenty metres for about an hour.
+
+At 5 p.m. (approximately) I came up to periscope depth to have a look
+round, but quickly dived again as I discovered a trawler, steering on
+the same course as myself, about a thousand metres astern of me. This
+was the more disconcerting, as in the short time at my disposal it
+seemed to me that she was remarkably similar to the craft I had seen in
+the afternoon, and yet this hardly seemed likely, as I did not think
+she could have sighted me then.
+
+On diving, I altered course ninety degrees, and proceeded for half an
+hour at full speed, then altered another ninety degrees, in the same
+direction as the previous alteration, and diving to thirty metres I
+proceeded at dead slow. By midnight I had been diving so much that I
+decided to get a charge on the batteries before dawn; I also wanted to
+be up at 1 a.m. to make my position report.
+
+I surfaced after a good look round through the right periscope, which,
+as usual, revealed nothing. I had hardly got on the bridge, when a
+flash of flame stabbed the night on the starboard beam and a shell
+moaned just overhead.
+
+I crash-dived at once, but could not get under before the enemy fired a
+second shot at us, which fortunately missed us. As we dived I ordered
+the helm hard a starboard, to counteract the expected depth-charge
+attack. We must have been a hundred and fifty metres from the first
+charge and a little below it, five others followed in rapid succession,
+but were further away, and we suffered no damage beyond a couple of
+broken lights. The situation was now extremely unpleasant. I did not
+dare venture to the surface, and thus missed my 1 a.m. signal from
+Headquarters. I wanted a charge badly, and so proceeded at the lowest
+possible speed. At regular intervals our enemy dropped one depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, but these reports always seemed the same
+distance away.
+
+At dawn I very cautiously came up to periscope depth, and had a look.
+To my consternation I discovered our relentless pursuer about 1,500
+metres away on the port quarter. In some extraordinary manner he had
+tracked us during the night.
+
+I dived and altered course through ninety degrees to south.
+
+At 9 a.m. a tremendous explosion shook the boat from stem to stern,
+smashing several lights, and giving her a big inclination up by the
+bow.
+
+As I was only at twenty metres I feared the boat would break surface,
+and our enemy was evidently very nearly right over us. I at once
+ordered hard to dive, and went down to the great depth of ninety-five
+metres.
+
+A series of shattering explosions somewhere above us showed that we
+were marked down, and we were only saved from destruction by our great
+depth, the English charges being set apparently to about thirty metres.
+
+At noon the situation was critical in the extreme. My battery density
+was down to 1,150, the few lamps that I had burning were glowing with a
+faint, dull red appearance, which eloquently told of the falling
+voltage and the dying struggles of the battery.
+
+The motors with all fields out were just going round. The faces of the
+crew, pallid with exhaustion, seemed of an ivory whiteness in the dusky
+gloom of the boat, which never resembled a gigantic and fantastically
+ornamental coffin so closely as she did at that time.
+
+The air was fetid. I struck a match; it went out in my fingers. The
+slightest effort was an agony. I bent down to take off my sea-boots,
+and cold sweat dropped off my forehead, and my pulse rose with a kind
+of jerk to a rapid beating, like a hammer.
+
+I left one sea-boot on.
+
+At 1 p.m. a deputation of the crew came aft, and in whispered voices
+implored me to surface the boat and make a last effort on the surface.
+A muffled report, as our implacable enemy dropped a depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, added point to the conversation, and showed me
+that our appearance on the surface could have but one end.
+
+At 3 p.m. the second coxswain, who was working the hydroplanes, fell
+off his stool in a dead faint.
+
+At 3.30 p.m. the supreme crisis was reached: two more men fainted, and
+I realized that if I did not surface at once I might find the crew
+incapable of starting the Diesels.
+
+At the order "Surface," a feeble cheer came from the men.
+
+We surfaced, and I dragged myself-up to the conning tower. Luckily we
+started the Diesels with ease, and in a few minutes gusts of beautiful
+air were circulating through the boat.
+
+Meanwhile, what of the enemy? I had half expected a shell as soon as we
+came up, and it was with great anxiety that I looked round. We had been
+slightly favoured by fortune in that the only thing in sight was a
+trawler away on the port beam. It was our hunter.
+
+I trimmed right down, hoping to avoid being seen, as it was essential
+to stay on the surface and get some amperes into the battery. I also
+altered course away from him.
+
+It was about 5 p.m. that I saw two trawlers ahead, one on each bow. By
+this time the boat's crew had quite recovered, but I did not wish to
+dive, as the battery was still pitiably low. I gradually altered course
+to north-east, but after half an hour's run I almost ran on top of a
+group of patrols in the dusk.
+
+I crash-dived, and they must have seen me go down, as a few minutes
+later the boat was violently shaken by a depth-charge.
+
+We were at twenty metres, still diving at the time. I consulted the
+chart, but could find no bottoming ground within fifty miles, a
+distance which was quite beyond my powers.
+
+At 11 p.m. I simply had to come up again and get a charge on the
+batteries.
+
+From 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., at regular half-hourly intervals, a
+depth-charge had gone off somewhere within a radius of two miles of me.
+Needless to say, I was only crawling along at about one knot and
+altering course frequently. What was so terrible was the patent fact
+that the patrols in this area had evidently got some device which
+enabled them to keep in continual touch with me to a certain extent.
+
+These monotonous and regular depth-charges seemed to say: "We know, Oh!
+U-boat, that we are somewhere near you, and here is a depth-charge just
+to tell you that we haven't lost you yet." [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: Karl was quite right; it is evident that he had the
+misfortune to encounter one of our new hydrophone-hunting groups, just
+started In the Fair Island Channel. The incident of the depth-charges
+every half-hour was known as "Tickling up." Probably the patrol only
+heard faint noises from him.--ETIENNE.]
+
+As an hour had elapsed since the last depth-charge, I felt fairly happy
+at coming up, and on making the surface I was delighted to find a
+pitch-black night and a considerable sea. From 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. I
+actually had three hours of peace, and in this period I managed to cram
+a considerable amount of stuff into the batteries. The densities were
+rising nicely and all seemed well, when I did what I now see was a very
+foolish thing.
+
+I made my 1 a.m. wireless report to Nordreich, in which I requested
+orders at 3 a.m. and reported my position, together with the fact that
+I had been badly hunted.
+
+In twenty-five minutes they were on me again! I had most idiotically
+assumed that the English had no directional wireless in these parts.
+They have. They've got everything that they have ever tried up there;
+it was concentrated in that infernal Fair Island Channel.
+
+I was only saved by seeing a destroyer coming straight at me,
+silhouetted against, the low-lying crescent of a new moon. When I dived
+she was about six hundred metres away. As I have confessed to doing a
+foolish thing, I give myself the pleasure of recording a cleverer move
+on my part. I anticipated depth-charge attack as a matter of course,
+but instead of going down to twenty-five metres, I kept her at twelve.
+
+The depth-charges came all right, seven smashing explosions, but, as I
+had calculated, they were set to go off at about thirty metres, and so
+were well below me.
+
+The boat was thrown bodily up by one, and I think the top of the
+conning tower must have broken surface, but there was little danger of
+this being seen in the prevailing water conditions.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have just had to stop recording my experiences of the past
+forty-eight hours, as the Navigator, who is on watch, sent down a
+message to say that smoke was in sight.
+
+The next hour was full of anxiety, but by hauling off to port we
+managed to lose it. I then had a little food, and I will now conclude
+my account before trying again to get some sleep.
+
+
+
+
+_The account continued._
+
+
+All my hopes of getting up again that night, both for the purpose of
+charging and of getting the 3 a.m. signal, were doomed to be
+disappointed, as the hydrophone operator kept on reporting the noise of
+destroyers overhead. Occasional distant thuds seemed to indicate a
+never-ending supply of depth-charges, but they were about four or five
+miles from me. Perhaps some other unfortunate devil was going through
+the fires of hell.
+
+At daylight on the second day my position was still miserable. The
+battery was getting low again, the sea had gone down, and when I put my
+periscope up at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed with patrols. I
+felt as if I was in an invisible net, and though I endeavoured to
+conceal my apprehension from the crew, I could see from the listless
+way they went about their duties that they realized that once again we
+were near the end of our resources.
+
+All the forenoon we crept along at thirty metres, until the tension was
+broken at 1 p.m. by a furious depth-charge attack. In some
+extraordinary way they had located me again and closed in upon me. The
+first charges were some little distance off, and as they got closer a
+feeling of desperation overcame me, and I seriously contemplated ending
+the agony by surfacing and fighting to the last with my gun.
+
+Curiously enough, the procedure that I adopted was the exact opposite.
+I decided to dive deep. I went down to 114 metres. At this exceptional
+depth, three rivets in the pressure hull began to leak, and jets of
+water with the rigidity of bars of iron shot into the boat. I held on
+for five minutes, which was sufficient to save me from the depth-charge
+attack, though two which went off almost above me broke some lamps. I
+then came up to twenty metres and slowly crawled on. Throughout the
+long afternoon, though we were not directly attacked again, I heard
+depth-charges on several occasions sufficiently close to me to
+demonstrate that these implacable and tireless devils had an idea of
+the area I was in.
+
+By a supreme effort, working one motor at the only speed it would go,
+viz., "Dead slow," I managed to squeeze out the battery until I
+estimated it must be dusk.
+
+There was only one thing to do--I surfaced. It was not as dark as I had
+hoped, and I saw a fairly large sloop-like vessel, about eight thousand
+metres away, on the port beam. She must have seen me simultaneously, as
+the flash of a gun darted from her, the shell falling short.
+
+I couldn't dive; there seemed only one thing to do: fight and then die.
+I ordered the gun's crew up, and the unequal duel began. We were going
+full speed on the Diesels, and my course was east by north. A good deal
+of water and spray was flying over the gun, and my crew had little hope
+of doing much accurate shooting, but I have often found that when one
+is being fired at there is nothing so comforting as the sound of one's
+own gun.
+
+Our enemy was armed with two large guns, fifteen centimetres or over,
+but had no speed, a discovery which raised my hopes again. It was soon
+evident that, provided we were not heading for another patrol, if we
+could survive ten minutes' shelling, we should be saved for the time
+being by the fading light, which was evidently causing our enemy
+increasing difficulties, as his shots alternated between very short and
+very much over.
+
+I was actually congratulating the Navigator on our escape, and I had
+just told the gun's crew to cease firing at the blurred outlines on the
+port quarter from which the random shells still came, when there was a
+sheet of yellow flame and a jar which threw me against the signalman.
+The latter had been standing near the conning-tower hatch, and
+unfortunately I knocked him off his balance, and he fell with a thud
+into the upper conning tower. He had the good fortune to escape with a
+couple of ribs broken, but when I recovered myself and got to my feet,
+far worse consequences met my eyes.
+
+By the worst of ill-luck, a shell which must have been fired
+practically at random had hit the gun just below the port trunnion.
+
+The result of the explosion was very severe. Four of the seven men at
+the gun had been blown overboard, the breech worker was uninjured,
+though from the way he swayed about it was evident that he was dazed,
+and I expected to see him fall over the side at any moment. The
+remaining two men were as dead as horse-flesh.
+
+The material damage was even more serious. The gun had been practically
+thrown out of its cradle, but in the main the trunnion blocks had held
+firm, and the whole pedestal had been carried over to starboard.
+
+The really terrible effects of this injury were not apparent at first
+sight, but I soon realized them, for an hour later (we had shaken off
+the sloop) I saw red flame on the horizon, which plainly indicated
+flaming at the funnel from some destroyer doubtless looking for us at
+high speed.
+
+I dived, intending to surface again as soon as possible. With this
+intention in my head, I did not go below the upper conning tower. We
+had barely got to ten metres, when loud cries from below and the
+disquieting noise of rushing water told me that something was wrong. I
+blew all tanks, surfaced, left the First Lieutenant on watch and went
+below.
+
+There were five centimetres of water on the battery boards, and I
+understood at once that we could never dive again.
+
+For the pedestal of the gun, in being forced over, had strained the
+longitudinal seam of the pressure hull, to which it is bolted, and a
+shower of water had come through as soon as we got under.
+
+It might have been hoped that this was enough, but no! our cup was not
+yet full. Chlorine gas suddenly began to fill the fore-end. The salt
+water running down into the battery tanks had found acid, and though I
+ordered quantities of soda to be put down into the tank, it became, and
+still is at the moment of writing, impossible to move forward of the
+conning tower without putting on a gas mask and oxygen helmet. So we
+are helpless, and at the mercy of any little trawler, or even the
+weather.
+
+We have no gun; we cannot dive. The English must know that they have
+hit us, and every hour I expect to see the hull of a destroyer climb
+over the horizon astern.
+
+We are fortunate in two respects: in that for the time being the
+weather seems to promise well, and our Diesels are thoroughly sound.
+
+We are ordered to Zeebrugge--I could have wished elsewhere for many
+reasons, but it does not matter, as I cannot believe we are intended to
+escape.
+
+I feel I would almost welcome an enemy ship, it would soon be over; but
+this uncertainty and anxiety drags on for hour after hour--and now I
+cannot sleep, though I haven't slept properly for over seventy hours. I
+am so worn out that my body screams for sleep, but it is denied to me,
+and so, lest I go mad, I write; it is better to do this, though my eyes
+ache and the letters seem to wriggle, than to stand up on the bridge
+looking for the smoke of our enemies, or to lie in my bunk and count
+the revolutions of the Diesels; thousands of thousands of thudding
+beats, one after the other, relentless hammer strokes.
+
+I have endured much.
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE BY ETIENNE_
+
+
+_A break occurs in Karl von Schenk's diary at this juncture. Fortunately
+the main outlines of the story are preserved owing to Zoe's long
+letter, which was in a small packet inside the cover of the second
+notebook. Zoe's letter will be reproduced in this book in its proper
+chronological position, but in order to save the reader the trouble of
+reading the book from the letter back to this point, a brief summary of
+what took place is given here. The entries in his diary which follow
+the words "I have endured much," are very meagre for a period which
+seems to have been about a month in length. There is no further mention
+of the latter stages of Karl's passage in the wrecked boat to
+Zeebrugge, so it is presumed that he made that port without further
+adventure. He was evidently on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and
+appears to have been suffering from very severe insomnia. He had been
+hunted for two days, during which he was perpetually on the verge of
+destruction, and the cumulative effect of such an experience is bound
+to leave its mark on the strongest man. When he got back to Zeebrugge
+he must have been at the end of his tether, and whether by chance or
+design it was when Karl was, as he would have said, "at a low mental
+ebb" that Zoe made her last and successful attack upon his resolution
+not to see her again unless she consented to marry him. It is plain
+from her letter that when he left her after the stormy interview in
+which he vowed never to see her again, Zoe did not lose hope. She seems
+to have kept herself _au courant _with his movements, and actually to
+have known when he was expected in._
+
+_We know that she had many friends amongst the officers, and it is
+probable that from one of these she was able to get information about
+Karl's movements._
+
+_Bruges was probably a hot-bed of U-boat gossip, and, not unlike the
+conditions at certain other Naval ports during the war, the ladies were
+often too well informed. At any rate it appears that Zoe rushed to see
+Karl directly he arrived at Bruges, and found him a mental and physical
+wreck, suffering from acute insomnia._
+
+_With the impetuous vigour which evidently guided most of her actions,
+she took complete charge of Karl, and, as he was due for four days'
+leave, she whisked him off to the forest._
+
+_Karl may have protested, but was probably in no state to wish to do so.
+At her shooting-box in the forest Zoe achieved her desire, and the
+stubborn struggle between the lovers ended in victory for the woman.
+There is an entry in Karl's diary which may refer to this period; he
+simply says, "Slept at last! Oh, what a joy!"_
+
+_If this entry was written in the forest, it seemed as if Karl had been
+unable to sleep until Zoe carried him off to the forest peace of her
+shooting-box and surrounded him with the atmosphere of her tender
+sympathy._
+
+_There is no evidence of the light in which Karl viewed his defeat,
+when, having regained his strength, he was able to take stock of the
+changed situation. It is reasonable to suppose that his silence upon
+this matter in the pages of his diary is evidence that he was ashamed
+of what he must have considered a great act of weakness on his part._
+
+_At all events he realized that he had crossed the Rubicon and that he
+had better acquiesce in the_ fait accompli.
+
+_He seems to have been in harbour for about six weeks, during which he
+lived with Zoe, and the lovers enjoyed a brief spell of happiness
+before Karl set out on his next trip._
+
+_Karl seems to have found those six weeks very pleasant ones, though his
+diary merely contains brief references, such as: "A. day in the country
+with Z."; "Z. and I went to the Cavalry dance," and other trivial
+entries--of his thoughts there is not a word._
+
+_About the end of 1917 Karl's boat was repaired, and he left for the
+Atlantic; and once more resumed full entries in his diary._
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+
+
+
+_Karl's Diary resumed_.
+
+Sailed at 9 p.m. last night, and we are now seventeen miles off Beachy
+Head. The Straits of Dover were frightful; the glare of the acetylene
+flares on the barrage showed for miles. Seen from a distance it gave me
+the impression of the gates of hell, through which we had to pass.
+
+I dived, ten miles away, and went through with the tide at a depth of
+forty metres.
+
+Two hours and three quarters of suspense, and at dawn we came up,
+having passed safely through the great deathtrap. At the moment there
+is nothing in sight, except a little smoke on the horizon. I am going
+to dive again till dusk.
+
+2 _a.m._
+
+We are thrashing down the Channel with a south-westerly wind right
+ahead. My instructions are to work for two days between the Lizard and
+Kinsale Head, and then proceed far out in the Atlantic, where the
+convoys are supposed to meet the destroyers.
+
+That Fair Island Channel experience was enough for a lifetime. Death,
+quick, short and sudden, this I am ready for. But torture, slow, long
+and drawn-out, is not in the bargain which in this year of grace every
+civilized man and half the savages of the world seem to have had to
+make with the god Mars.
+
+As I sit in this steel, cigar-shaped mass of machinery, the question
+rings incessantly in my ears: "To what object is all this war directed,
+when analysed from the point of view of the individual?"
+
+It does not satisfy any longing of mine. I have not got a lust for
+battle: no one who fights has a lust for battle. Editors of newspapers
+and people on General Staffs, possibly also Cabinet Ministers, have
+lusts for battles, as long as they arrange the battle and talk about
+it afterwards--curse them!
+
+The only thing I want is to be with Zoe. I want to live and spend long
+years with her, enjoying life--this life of which I have spent half
+already, and now perhaps it will be taken from me by some other man:
+some Englishman who doesn't really want to take my life, reckoned as an
+individual.
+
+Around me in the darkness are the patrol boats, manned by the
+Englishmen who are seeking my life. Seeking it, not to gratify their
+private emotions, but because we are all in the whirlpool of War and
+cannot escape.
+
+Like an avalanche, it seems to gather strength and speed as it rolls
+on, this War of Nations. The world must be mad! I cannot see how it can
+ever stop. England will never be defeated at sea. We shall conquer on
+land--then what?
+
+An inconclusive peace.
+
+Even if we smash this island Empire and gain the dominion of the world,
+how will it advantage me? I can see no way in which I can gain.
+
+It would be said, if any one should read this: _Gott_! what a selfish
+point of view--he thinks only of his personal gain, not of his country.
+
+But, confound it all, I reply, answer me this:
+
+Do I exist for my country, or does my country exist for me?
+
+For example, does man live for the sake of the Church, or was the
+Church created for man?
+
+Does not my country exist for my benefit?
+
+Surely it is so.
+
+Then again, I am risking my all, my life; I live in danger,
+apprehension and great discomfort; I do all these things, and yet if as
+a reasonable man I ponder what advantage I am to gain from all these
+sacrifices I am adjudged selfish.
+
+It is all madness; I cannot fathom the meaning of these things.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In position on the Bristol line of approach, the weather is bad.
+
+
+
+
+_At twenty metres._
+
+
+Once again Death has stretched forth his bony fingers to catch me by
+the throat, and only by a chance have I wriggled free.
+
+Yesterday afternoon at 5 p.m. we sighted a small steamer flying Spanish
+colours and steering for Cardiff. The weather was choppy, but not too
+bad, and I decided to exercise the gun's crew, though I did not think
+there would be much doing, as the Spaniards soon give in.
+
+I opened fire at six thousand metres, and pitched a shell ahead of her
+and ran up the signal to heave-to. The wretched little craft paid no
+attention, and continued on her lumbering course. I suspected the
+presence of an Englishman on her bridge, and determined to hit.
+
+This we did with our sixth shot, and she stopped dead and wallowed in
+the trough, with clouds of steam pouring out of her engine-room; we had
+evidently got the engine-room.
+
+As we closed her, it was evident that a tremendous panic was taking
+place on board. The port sea boat was being launched, but one fall
+broke and the occupants fell into the water. My Navigator begged me to
+give her another, which I did, and hit her right aft. Two boatloads of
+gesticulating individuals now appeared from the shelter of her lee side
+and began pulling wildly away from the ship.
+
+The Navigator, whose eyes were dancing with excitement, was very keen
+to play with them by spraying the water with machine-gun bullets; but
+it seemed to me to be waste of ammunition, and I would not permit it.
+
+Meanwhile we had approached to within about four hundred metres of her
+port bow. I was debating whether to accelerate her sinking, when I
+noticed that a fire had broken out aft, and I became possessed with a
+childish curiosity to see the fire being put out as she sank. It was a
+kind of contest between the elements.
+
+As I watched her, I was startled to hear three or four reports from the
+region of the fire.
+
+"Ammunition!" shouted the pilot, with wide-opened eyes.
+
+In an instant I pressed the diving alarm as I realized our deadly
+peril. Fool that I had been, she was a decoy-ship. They must have
+realized on board that I had seen through their disguise, for as we
+began to move forward, under the motors, a trap-door near her bows fell
+down, the white ensign was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened
+fire from the embrasure that was revealed on her side.
+
+We were fortunate in that our conning tower was already right ahead of
+the enemy, and as I dropped down into the conning tower, I saw that as
+she could not turn we were safe.
+
+A few shells plunged harmlessly into the water near our stern, and then
+we were under.
+
+We came up to a periscope depth, and I surveyed her from a position off
+her stern. She was sinking fast, but I felt so furious at being nearly
+trapped that I could not resist giving her a torpedo; detonation was
+complete, and a mass of wreckage shot into the air as the hull of the
+ship disappeared. As to the two boats, I left them to make the best
+course to land that they could.
+
+As they were fifty miles off the shore when I left them and it blew
+force six a few hours afterwards, I rather think they have joined the
+list of "Missing." We are now steering due west to our second position.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Received orders last night to return to base forthwith on the north
+about route. [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: This means into the North Sea round Scotland.--]
+
+I have shaped course to pass fifty miles north of Muckle Flugga; no
+more Fair Island Channel for me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Statlandlet in sight, with the Norwegian coast looking very lovely
+under the snow--we never saw a ship from north of the Shetlands to this
+place, when we saw a light cruiser of the town class steaming
+south-west at high speed.
+
+She had probably been on patrol off this place, where the Inner and
+Outer Leads join up and ships have to leave the three-mile limit.
+
+She was well away from me, and an attack would have been useless. I did
+not shed any tears; I have lost much of the fire-eating ideas which
+filled my mind when I first joined this service.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are due off the mole at 8 p.m. tonight, and my heart leaps with joy
+at the thought of seeing my Zoe; already I can almost imagine her
+lovely arms round my neck, her face raised to mine, and all the other
+wonderful things that make her so glorious in my eyes.
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE BY ETIENNE_
+
+
+Before quoting the next entry in Karl's journal it is necessary to
+explain the situation which confronted him when he arrived in
+Zeebrugge. In his absence, his beloved Zoe had been arrested as an
+Allied Agent, and she was tried for espionage within a day or two of
+his arrival. There is no record of how he heard the news, and the blow
+he sustained was probably so terrible that whilst there was yet hope he
+felt no desire to write; but, as will be seen, there came a time when
+he turned to his journal as the last friend that remained to him. It is
+a curious fact that, with the exception of an entry at the beginning of
+this journal, Karl makes little mention of his mother and home at
+Frankfurt. Though he does not say so, it seems possible that his mother
+had heard of his entanglement with Zoe, and a barrier had risen between
+them; this suggestion gains strength from the fact that in his blackest
+moments of despair he never seems to consider the question of turning
+to Frankfurt for sympathy. Interest is naturally aroused as to the
+details of Zoe's trial. The available material consists solely of the
+long letter she wrote to him from Bruges jail. It may be that one day
+the German archives of the period of occupation will reveal further
+details. Information on the subject is possibly at the disposal of the
+British Intelligence Service, but this would be kept secret. All we
+know on the matter is derived from the letter, which has been preserved
+inside the second volume of Karl's diary.
+
+There seems no doubt that she was caught red-handed, but to say more
+would be to anticipate her own words.
+
+It was a matter of some difficulty to know where best to introduce
+Zoe's letter, but with a view to securing as much continuity of thought
+in the story as possible it has been decided to quote it at this
+juncture, although he did not receive it until after he had made the
+entry in the journal which will be quoted directly after the letter.
+
+I would like to appeal to any reader who may happen to be engaged in
+administrative or reconstructive work in Belgium, to communicate with
+me, care of Messrs. Hutchinson, should he handle any papers dealing
+with Zoe's trial.
+
+_ETIENNE_.
+
+
+
+
+ZOE'S LETTER
+
+
+MY BEST BELOVED,
+
+When you get this letter cease to sorrow for what will have happened,
+for I shall be at rest, and in peace at last, freed from a world in
+which I have known bitter sorrow and, until you came into my life, but
+little joy.
+
+For these past months I am grateful to God, if such a being exists and
+regulates the conduct of a world gone mad.
+
+For in a few hours I am to die.
+
+It is harder for you than for me; one moment of agony I suffered, a
+moment that seemed to last a century, when, amidst the sea of faces
+that swam in a confused mass before me at the trial, I saw your eyes
+and the torture that you were suffering. When I saw your eyes I knew
+that the President had said I must die. I am glad that I was told this
+by you, the only one amongst all these men who loved me. I suppose the
+President spoke; I never heard him, but I saw your eyes and I knew.
+
+My darling, it was cruel of you to come, cruel to me and cruel to
+yourself, but I loved you for being there; it showed me that up till
+the last you would stand by me, and until you read this you cannot know
+all the facts. That to you, as to the others, I must have seemed a
+woman spy and that nevertheless you stood by me, is to me a
+recollection of unsurpassable sweetness, compared with which all other
+thoughts of you fade into insignificance.
+
+Know now, oh, well beloved, that I was not unworthy of your love.
+
+I have a story to tell you, and I have such a little time left that I
+must write quickly. The priest who has been with me comes again an hour
+before the dawn, and he has promised to deliver these my last words of
+love into your hands.
+
+My real name is Zoe Xenia Olga Sbeiliez, and I was born twenty-nine
+years ago at my father's country house at Inkovano, near Koniesfol. I
+am Polish; at least, my father was, and my mother comes from the Don
+country. There was a day when my father's ancestors were Princes in
+Poland. Poor Poland was torn by the vultures of Europe, just as your
+countrymen, my Karl, are tearing poor Belgium and France, and so my
+family lost estates year by year, and my grandfather is buried
+somewhere in the dreary steppes of Siberia because he dared to be a
+Polish patriot.
+
+My father bowed before the storm, and under my mother's influence he
+never became mixed up with politics. Thus he lived on his estates at
+Inkovano, and nursed them for my younger brother, Alexandrovitch, the
+child of his old age. Alex would be nineteen now, had he lived. The
+estates were large as these things go in Western Europe, but they were
+but a garden as compared with the lands held by my great-grandfather,
+Boris Sbeiliez.
+
+My father had a dream, and he dreamed this dream from the day Alex was
+born to the day they both died in each other's arms.
+
+My father dreamt that one day the Tsars would soften their heart to
+Poland, and raise her up from the dust to a place amongst the nations,
+and my father dreamt that Alexandrovitch Sbeiliez would become a leader
+of Poland, as his ancestors had been before him. And so my father
+nursed his estates and pinched and saved, in preparation for the day
+when his beautiful dream should come true.
+
+[Illustration: "A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign
+was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure
+that was revealed on her side."]
+
+[ILLUSTRATION: "I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers
+there...."]
+
+My poor idealistic father never realized, oh, my Karl, that when one
+wants a thing one must fight--to the death. Alex was the apple of his
+eye, but I was much loved by my mother; perhaps she dreamed a dream
+about me--I know not, but she determined that I should have all that
+was necessary. Paris, Berlin, Munich, Dresden, and a season in London,
+then I came home at twenty-one, perfectly educated according to the
+world, beautiful according to men, and dressed according to Paris. But
+I was only to find out how little I knew. My mother and I used to take
+a house in Warsaw for the season, and I met many notable men and women.
+In these days I, also, thought I could do something for Poland, but
+after two or three seasons I found that I, too, was only dreaming idle
+dreams. Oh! my beloved, beware of dreaming idle dreams.
+
+Listen! I once met the Prime Minister of all Russia at a reception. I
+captivated him, and thought, now! now! I shall do something.
+
+I sat next to him at dinner; I talked of Poland--and I knew my
+subject--I talked brilliantly; he listened, he hung on my words, and
+he, the Prime Minister of all Russia, the Tsar's right-hand man, asked
+me to drive with him next day in his sledge. I, an almost unknown
+Polish girl!
+
+When I accepted, I was in the seventh heaven of delight.
+
+Next day he called and we set forth; at a deserted spot in the woods
+near Warsaw he tried to kiss me--I struck him in the face with the butt
+of his own whip.
+
+That was why he had hung on my words, that was why he had taken me for
+my drive; it was my Polish body that interested _him_--not Poland.
+
+The Prime Minister of Russia was confined to his room for two days,
+"owing to an indisposition." How I laughed when I saw the bulletin in
+the paper, signed by two doctors, but it taught me a lesson; I never
+dreamt idle dreams again.
+
+No, I am wrong, my beloved. I dreamt an idle dream, a lovely dream
+about you and I. An after-the-war dream, if this war should ever end,
+but like other dreams it has ended--in dreams.
+
+But I must hurry, for my little watch tells me that one hour of my five
+has gone, and I have much to say.
+
+I could have married, and married brilliantly, but Poland held me back.
+I did not know what I could do for my country, it all seemed so
+hopeless, and yet I felt that perhaps one day ... and I felt I ought to
+be single when that day came.
+
+It was not easy, my Karl, sometimes it was hard; one man there was,
+Sergius was his Christian name; he loved me madly, and sometimes I
+thought--but no matter, he is dead now, killed at Tannenberg, and
+I--well, I will tell you more of my story.
+
+When the war broke out and clouded over that last beautiful summer in
+1914 (I wonder will there ever be another like it in your lifetime, my
+Karl? No, I don't think it can ever be quite the same after all this!),
+we were all in the country. Alex was back from his school in Petrograd,
+and my father kept him at home for the autumn term.
+
+How well I remember the excitement, the mobilization, the blessing of
+the colours, the wave of patriotism which swept over the country; even
+I, under the influence of the specious proclamations that were issued
+broadcast by the Government, with their promises of reform, and redress
+for Poland after the war was over, felt more Russian than Polish. Lies!
+Lies! Lies! that was what the Government promises were, my Karl.
+
+Under the stress of war the rottenness of that great whited sepulchre,
+Russia, feared the revival of the Polish spirit; it might have been
+awkward, and so they lied with their tongues in their cheeks, and we
+simple Poles believed them; the peasantry flocked to their depots,
+little knowing whom they fought, but the proclamations which were read
+to them told them they fought for Poland, and we women worked and
+prayed for the success of Russian arms.
+
+Then the tide of war swept westward, and all day long and every day the
+troops, and the guns and the motor-cars and the wagons rolled through
+the village to the west.
+
+Guarded hints in the papers seemed to say that all was not well in
+France, but France was so far away, and all the time the Russians were
+going west through our village. Mighty Russia was putting forth her
+strength, and the Austrian debacle was in full swing; these were great
+days, my Karl, for a Russian!
+
+Then one day the long columns of men and all the traffic seemed to
+hesitate in the sluggish westward flow, and then it stopped, and then
+it began to go east. The weeks went on, and one day, very, very
+faintly, there was a rumbling like a distant thunderstorm. It was the
+guns! The front was coming back.
+
+Have you ever seen forest fires, my Karl? We had them every autumn in
+our woods. If you have, then you know how all the small animals and the
+birds, the rabbits and the foxes, and perhaps a wolf or two, and the
+deer, and the thrushes and the linnets come out from the shelter of the
+trees, fleeing blindly from the great peril, anxious only to save their
+lives. So it was when the front came back. Herds of moujiks, the old
+men, the women, the children, the poor little babies, struggled blindly
+eastwards through the village.
+
+Pushing their miserable household gods on handcarts, or staggering
+along with loads on their backs, and weary children dragging at their
+arms, the human tide flowed eastwards, round our house, begged perhaps
+a drink of water, and then wandered feverishly onwards.
+
+They knew not in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred where they were
+going; their only destination was summed up in the words, "Away from
+the Front"--away from the ominous rumbling which began to get louder,
+away from that western horizon which was beginning to have a lurid glow
+at nights, like a sunset prolonged to dawn.
+
+Then, as the Germans advanced more and more, the character of the tide
+changed, the civilian element was outnumbered by the military.
+Companies, battalions, brigades, sometimes in good order, sometimes in
+no order, marched through the village. They would often halt for a
+short time, and the officers would come up to the house, where my
+mother and I gave them what we could. My father lived amongst his books
+and accounts, and bemoaned the extravagance of the war. Then there were
+the deserters, the stragglers, the walking wounded, the--but you know,
+my Karl, what an army in retreat means.
+
+I must proceed with my story, for time moves relentlessly on.
+
+One day a desperately wounded officer, a young Lieutenant of the Guard,
+a boy of twenty-five, was taken out of a motor ambulance to die.
+
+The ambulance had stopped opposite our gates, and lying on his
+stretcher he had seen our garden, my garden. He knew he was to die, and
+he had begged with tears in his eyes to the doctor that he might be
+left in the garden.
+
+Who could refuse him?
+
+He died within two hours, amongst our flowers, with Alex and I at his
+side.
+
+Before he died, he begged us, implored us, almost ordered us, to move
+east before it was too late.
+
+We repeated his arguments to my father, but the latter was obdurate,
+and he swore that a regiment of angels would not move him from his
+ancestral home. So we made up our minds to stay.
+
+Things got worse and worse, and one day shells fell in the grounds and
+we hid in the cellars. That night all our servants ran away, and my
+father cursed them for cowards. Next day in the early morning we heard
+machine guns fire outside the village, and then all was still.
+
+At six o'clock Alex, white-faced, came running into the house. He had
+been down to the gates and he had seen the enemy. They were drunk, he
+said, and going down the street firing the houses and shooting the
+people as they came out.
+
+It seemed impossible and yet it was true. It was growing dark, when we
+heard shouts and saw lights, and from the top of the house I saw a
+crowd of singing and shouting soldiers, with pine torches, half
+running, half walking up the drive.
+
+They massed in a body opposite the house. Paralysed with terror, I
+looked down on the scene, and shuddered to see that every second man
+seemed to have a bottle. One of them fired a shot at the house, and
+next I remember a flood of light on the drive, and, in the circle of
+light, my father standing with hand raised. What my father intended can
+never be known, for, as he paused and faced the mob, a solitary shot
+rang out, and he fell in a huddled heap.
+
+As he fell, a boyish voice from the door shouted "Murderers!" It was
+Alex. With his little pistol I had given him for a birthday present in
+his hand, he ran forward and, standing over my father's body, head
+thrown back, he pointed his pistol at the mob and fired twice. A man
+dropped, there was a flash of steel, the crowd surged forward,
+and--and, oh! my Karl, they had murdered my beloved brother, my darling
+Alex.
+
+The next moment they were in the house. I escaped from my window on to
+the roof of the dairy, and from there down a water-pipe, across the
+yard to an old hay-loft. For a long time they ran in and out of the
+house, like ants, looting and pillaging; then there was a great shout,
+and for some time not a soul came out of the house. I guessed they had
+got into the cellars. At about midnight I saw that the house was on
+fire. In a few minutes it was an inferno and the drunken soldiers came
+pouring out, firing their rifles in all directions.
+
+I had found a piece of rope in the loft. One end I placed on a hook and
+the other round my neck. I was close to the upper doors of the loft,
+with a drop to the courtyard, and thus I stayed, for I feared that some
+soldier, more sober than the rest, might explore the outhouses and find
+me. I was watching this unearthly spectacle, and never, my best
+beloved, did I conceive that man could become lower than the beasts,
+but before my eyes it was so, when I noticed that the great gates at
+the southern end of the courtyard were opening. As they opened I saw
+that beyond them were drawn up a line of men. An officer gave an order,
+and two machine guns were placed in position in the gate entrance;
+round the guns lay their crews, and the seething mass of revellers saw
+nothing. I felt that a fearful tragedy was impending, and as I held my
+breath with anxiety the officer gave a short, sharp movement with his
+hand and a hideous rattle rose above all noises. The pandemonium that
+ensued was indescribable. Some ran helplessly into the burning house,
+others ran round and round in circles, others tried to get into the
+dairy; one man got upon its roof and fell back dead as soon as his head
+appeared above the outer wall. The place was surrounded. It was
+horrible. A few tried to rush for the gate, they melted away like snow
+before the sun, as their bodies met the pitiless stream of bullets. I
+suppose two hundred men were killed in as many seconds. The machine
+guns ceased fire. Ambulance parties came into the yard, collected the
+dead and living, and within half an hour there was not a soul save
+myself in the place. Discipline had received its oblation of men's
+lives.
+
+As an example, it was one of the most wonderful things I have ever
+known in your wonderful army, my Karl, but it was terrible--terribly
+cruel.
+
+I never knew what became of my mother, though I feel she is
+dead--murdered, perhaps, like my father and my darling Alex, or perhaps
+she hid somewhere in the house and remained petrified with terror till
+the flames came. Next morning I left my hiding-place and walked about.
+Not a German was to be seen, but in the wood was a huge newly-made
+grave. It was all open warfare then, and this flying column, which was
+miles in advance of the main body, had moved on. The house was a
+smoking mass of ruins, but the farm buildings had been spared, and I
+let out all the poor animals and turned them into the woods, so that
+they might have their chance.
+
+All day I searched for my father and brother, but not a sign was to be
+seen, and at dusk I stood alone, faint and broken, amongst the ruins of
+my ancestors' home. As I looked at this scene of desolation and I
+contrasted what had been my life twenty-four hours before and what it
+was then, something seemed to snap in my brain, and for the first time
+I cried. Oh! the blessed relief of those tears, my Karl, for I was a
+poor weak, helpless girl, and alone with death and bitterness all round
+me. Late that night I hid once more in my hay-loft and next morning I
+left Inkovano for ever. Before I left, I made a vow. It is because of
+this vow, my beloved, that I am to die. For I vowed by the body of our
+Saviour and the murdered bodies of my family that, whilst life was in
+me and the war was maintained, for so long would I work unceasingly for
+the Allies against Germany. As the war ran its fiery course, I have
+seen more and more that the Allies are the only ones who will do
+anything for Poland, my beloved country, so have I been strengthened in
+my vow.
+
+I struck south on my feet, as a poor girl--I, the daughter of a
+princely family of Poland! No hardships were too great for me, provided
+I could reach Allied territory. I travelled from village to village as
+a singing girl, and once I was driven away with stones by villagers set
+upon me by a fanatical priest. I came by Cracow, and across the
+Carpathians, helped to pass the lines by a Hungarian Lieutenant--but I
+tricked him of his reward; I was not ready for that sacrifice. Then
+across the Hungarian plains to Buda-Pesth, where I remained three weeks,
+singing in a third-rate café, to make some money for my next stage. But
+I had to leave too soon--the old story!--this time it was the
+proprietor's son. What beasts men are, my Karl! And yet to me you are
+above all other men, a prince amongst your fellows, and never did I
+love you so distractedly as that first night at the shooting-box, when
+I read the scorn in your eyes as you rejected me. I have no shame in
+telling you this. Am I not already in the grave? And then I must be
+silent and can only await your coming. After many struggles, wearisome
+to relate, I came to Hermanstadt, and there, whilst pushing my trade as
+a dancer, came into touch with a Hungarian band of smugglers, working
+across the mountain passes between Eastern Hungary and Roumania. I did
+certain work for these men, and in return crossed with them one bitter
+night in a thunderstorm into Roumania. At Bukharest I got a good
+engagement, and when I had saved a thousand marks, I bought a passport
+for five hundred, and came to Serbia, then staggering beneath the great
+Austrian offensive.
+
+Once again I was in the horrors of a retreat, but I escaped, reaching
+Valona, and crossed to Brindisi, by the aid of a French officer to whom
+I told my story and who believed me. His name is Pierre Lemansour, and
+he lives at Bordeaux.
+
+If fortune places him in your power, be kind to him, my Karl, for your
+Zoe's sake.
+
+I came to Rome; and thence to Paris. I stayed here three weeks, singing
+in a cabaret. Whilst here I tried to advance my plans in vain! What
+could I, a poor girl, do for the Allies? The Embassy laughed at me, all
+except one young attaché who tried to make love to me.
+
+Then I thought of England--England, and her cold, hard islanders,
+phlegmatic in movements, slow to hate, slow to move, but once
+roused--ah! they never let go, these islanders!
+
+One of their poets has said: "The mills of God grind slowly, but they
+grind exceeding small."
+
+That, my Karl, is like England.
+
+They are your most terrible enemies, and you know it.
+
+Do not be angry with me when you read this.
+
+For me it is Poland, for you Germany.
+
+Where I am going in a few hours there is no Poland, no Germany, no
+England, no war. And perhaps, perhaps, no love.
+
+You and I, Karl, have loved, too well, perchance, but our love was
+above even the love of countries.
+
+God made the love of men and women, then men and women created their
+countries.
+
+I see the future before me, Karl, and I foresee that the struggle will
+be at the end of all things, between England and Germany. One will be
+in the dust.
+
+Thus, I crossed to England and was swallowed up in the great city of
+London. England has always had a corner of her calculating heart for
+the small nations, and in London there is a Polish organization. I
+applied there, and one day I was taken to the Foreign Office, and found
+myself alone with a great Englishman. His name was--No, I promised, and
+it will not matter to you, for though he gave me my chance, I have no
+love for him, and he will never be in your power. Even as I write these
+words, he has probably taken a list from a locked safe and neatly ruled
+a red line through the name Zoe Sbeiliez. I tell you they know
+everything, these Englishmen. I told him my story, and then he asked me
+whether I was prepared to do all things for the Allies. I told him I
+was. He then said that I could go as agent for a back area in Belgium,
+and my centre would be Bruges. I agreed, and asked him innocently
+enough how I was to live in Bruges. He looked up from his desk and
+said:
+
+"You will be given facilities to cross the Belgium-Holland frontier, as
+a German singer."
+
+"And then?" I asked.
+
+"You will go to Bruges and make friends with an Army officer; he must
+be high up on the staff."
+
+I guessed what he meant, but hoped against hope, and I said: "How?"
+
+I can still see his fish-like face, hair brushed back with scrupulous
+care, as without a shadow of emotion he looked up, puffed his pipe, and
+said in matter-of-fact tones:
+
+"You have a pretty face and an excellent figure. Need I say more?"
+
+I could have struck him in the face. I was speechless, my mind a whirl
+of conflicting emotions. I was roused by the level tones again.
+
+"Is it too much--for Poland?"
+
+Oh! the cunning of the man; he knew my weakness. Mechanically, I
+agreed. Certain details were settled, and he pressed a bell. Within
+five minutes I was walking back to my lodgings.
+
+Thanks to a marvellous organization, which your police will never
+discover, my Karl, within _three weeks_ I was singing on the Bruges
+music-hall stage, and accepted without question as being what I was
+not, a German artist from Dantzig. The men were soon round me, but I
+had no use for youngsters with money. I wanted a man with information.
+At last I found my man--the Colonel. He was on the Headquarters staff
+of the XIth Army, the army of occupation in Belgium, when I first met
+him. Subsequently he went back to regimental work; but by the time he
+was killed (and to realize what a release that meant for me, you would
+have had to have lived with him) I had established regular sources of
+information concerning which I will say no more. Let your country's
+agents find them if they can. This must I say for the Colonel: he was a
+brute and a drunkard, but in his own gross way he loved me, and he
+licked my boots at my desire, but I had to pay the price. You are a
+man, and with all your loving sympathy you can but dimly realize what
+this costs a woman. To me it was a dual sacrifice of honour and life,
+but it was for Poland, and the memories of my parents and Alex steeled
+me and strengthened my resolution, and so, and so, my Karl, I paid the
+price.
+
+My special work was on the military side, and consisted in making
+quarterly reports on the general dispositions of large bodies of
+troops, the massing of corps for spring offensives, and big pushes and
+hammer blows.
+
+Then you came into my life! When the Colonel used to go away it was my
+habit to mix in the demi-mondaine society of Bruges, to try and live a
+few hours in which I could forget--oh! don't think the worst! _That_
+sort of thing had no attraction for me. I didn't seek oblivion in that
+direction! I had never even kissed anyone in Bruges until I kissed you
+that first night we met at dinner--I was attracted to you from the very
+first; the Colonel was due back in a few days, and I suddenly felt mad,
+and kissed you. I suppose you put me down as one of the usual kind, out
+to sell myself at a price varying between a good dinner and the rent of
+a flat! You will now know that I had already mortgaged my body to
+Poland.
+
+Then a few days later you will remember we went down for that wonderful
+day in the forest, and for the first time, Karl, I began to see that I
+was really caring for you, and a faint realization of the dangers and
+impossibilities towards which we were drifting crossed my mind.
+
+Do you remember how silent I was on the drive back? In a fashion, my
+Karl, I could foresee dimly a little of what was going to happen. I had
+a presentiment that the end would be disaster, but I thrust the idea
+away from me. Then came the day, just before one of your trips--oh! the
+agony, my darling, of those days, each an age in length, when you were
+at sea--when you told me at the flat that you loved me.
+
+How I longed to throw my arms round your neck and abandon myself to
+your embraces, but I was still strong enough in those days to hold back
+for both our sakes.
+
+Each time we were together I loved you more and more, and each time
+when you had gone I seemed to see with clearer vision the fatal and
+inevitable ending.
+
+But I refused to give up the first real happiness that had been mine in
+my short and stormy life, and so I clung desperately to my idle dream.
+
+I prayed, I prayed for hours, Karl, that the war might end, for I felt
+that in this lay our only hope--but what are one woman's prayers, a
+sinful woman's prayers, to the Creator of all things, and the war
+ground on in its endless agony just as it does to-night--Karl! Karl!
+will this torture ever end?
+
+But I must hurry, there is still much to tell you, and Time goes on
+relentlessly just like the war; it is only life that ends. Then came
+the days I took you to the shooting-box for the first time, and that
+night I broke down and, unashamed, offered you myself. Think not too
+badly of your Zoe, my Karl; when a woman loves as I do, what is
+convention? A nothing, a straw on the waters of life. I wanted you for
+my own, passionately and desperately, for I feared that any moment the
+end might come, and to die without having felt your arms around me
+would have added a thousand tortures to death. Though I could have
+welcomed death with joy when I saw the look of sorrowful contempt which
+you cast upon me that night. Heavens above! but you were strong, my
+Karl. I am not ugly, and yet you resisted, and I hated and loved you at
+the same time--oh! I know that sounds impossible, but it isn't for a
+woman. I slept little that night and, feeling that I could not look you
+in the face in the morning, I left for Bruges before you got up.
+
+I felt that I could trust you not to try and find out the secret of the
+shooting-box.
+
+What a relief it is to be able to tell you everything frankly, and how
+I hated the perpetual game of deception which I had to play.
+
+I used to rack my brains for answers to your perpetual question, "Why
+won't you marry me?" It was a desperate risk taking you down to the
+forest, but you loved me so much that you never questioned the reasons
+I gave you for my secrecy. I can tell you now, Karl, that in the early
+days when I used to disappear from Bruges, it was to the shooting-box
+that I went.
+
+But I will write more of that later.
+
+Did you suffer the same agony as I did before you left for Kiel, and
+your pride would not allow you to come to me? You understand now, my
+darling, why I could never marry you, and when the Colonel was killed
+it became harder than ever. Once during that terrible interview before
+you went up the Russian coast, I nearly gave way and promised to marry
+you. But how could I? I had sworn my vow, and even to-night, though I
+stand in the shadow of death, I do not regret my vow.
+
+It is inconceivable that I could have married you and carried on my
+work--a spy on my husband's country--and if I ever thought of trying to
+do this impossible thing, a vision which has partially come true always
+restrained me.
+
+I saw a submarine officer disgraced and perhaps sentenced to death,
+because his wife had been convicted as a spy!
+
+No! it was impossible.
+
+But if I could not marry you, I still wanted your love.
+
+Then you went up the Russian coast, and I heard of your return in a
+submarine terribly wrecked. I guessed what you must have gone through,
+and determined to see you, but when I entered your room and saw you
+lying open-eyed on your bed, with no one but a clumsy soldier to nurse
+you, I could have wept. You know the rest; you can perhaps hardly
+remember how I led you to my car and took you down to the forest. Oh,
+Karl, are you angry with me for what happened? Do you sometimes think
+that I took an unfair advantage of your weakness? Please! Please
+forgive me, you were so helpless, and I loved you so.
+
+Then came those unforgettable weeks whilst your boat was being
+repaired, weeks which opened to me the door of the paradise I was never
+to enter. Oh! Karl, I pray that all those memories may remain sweet and
+unclouded all your life. Think of those days when you think of your
+Zoe. Alas! they came to an end too soon, and you left for the Atlantic.
+When you came back all was over; I had been caught at last.
+
+The evidence at the trial was clear enough. I have no complaints. I was
+fairly caught. You remember the big open space in front of the
+shooting-box? I do not mind saying now that five times have I been
+taken up from there in an English aeroplane, and landed there again
+after two days. Each time I took over a full report on military
+affairs. Not a word of naval news, my Karl; you will remember I never
+tried to find out U-boat information. I even warned you to be cautious.
+Well, they caught me as I landed; the English boy who had flown me back
+tried hard to save me, but it only cost him his own life.
+
+My first thought was of you, and there is not a jot of evidence against
+you, save only your friendship for me. Remember this fact, if they
+persecute you. Admit nothing, believe nothing they tell you, deny
+everything; they have no evidence; but they are certain to try and trap
+you.
+
+It was noble of you, Karl, to engage Monsieur Labordin in my defence,
+but it was useless and may do you harm.
+
+I also know of your efforts with the Governor. I hoped nothing from
+him, but what you did has made me ready to die; I tremble lest you are
+compromised.
+
+If only I could feel absolutely certain that I have not dragged you
+down in my ruin I should face the rifles with a smile.
+
+For my sake be careful, Karl.
+
+When it is all over, cause a few little flowers to cover my
+resting-place, if this is permitted for a spy. Order them, do not place
+them yourself; you _must not_ be compromised.
+
+I have told my story, and the end is very near. What else is there to
+say?
+
+Mere words are empty husks when I try to express my thoughts of you.
+
+Do not sorrow for your Zoe, to whom you have given such happiness.
+
+I am not afraid to die and cross into the unknown, which, however
+terrible it is, cannot be much worse than this awful war.
+
+Karl! Karl! how I long to kiss you and feel your strong arms crushing
+the breath from this body of mine which has caused so much sorrow.
+
+Oh, Mother Mary, support me in this hour of trial.
+
+I cannot leave you!
+
+May the Saints guard you and keep you through all the perils of war,
+and grant that we meet again in the perfect peace of eternity.
+
+For ever, Your devoted and adoring ZOE.
+
+
+
+
+_Karl's Diary resumed._
+
+
+She is dead!
+
+They have killed her, my Zoe, my adorable darling, and I am still
+alive--under close arrest. Perhaps they will shoot me too, in their
+insatiable thirst for blood. Oh! if they would! Perhaps, my Zoe, if I
+could only die and leave this useless world behind, I might find you in
+the mysterious regions where your spirit now dwells.
+
+Oh! is it well with you, Zoe? Give me a sign--a little sign--that all
+is well. I have knelt in prayer and asked for a sign, but nothing
+comes--all is a blank, forbidding and mysterious. Is God angry with us,
+my Zoe, that we sinned before Him? Surely, surely He understands. He
+must have mercy on me if He is going to make me go on living. If this
+is my punishment, I can bear it; I will live without you happily if
+only I may know that all is well with you.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Your letter, Zoe! Can you read these words as I write; can you sense my
+thoughts? Speak! Ah! I thought I heard your voice, and it was only the
+laughter of a woman in the street. Your letter has filled me with joy
+and sorrow. I read and re-read the wonderful words in which you say you
+loved me from the beginning, but when you plead that I shall not turn
+in loathing from your memory--with these words you smash me to the
+ground.
+
+Most glorious woman, I never loved you so well and so passionately as
+the day you stood at the trial, ringed round with the wolves, the
+clever lawyers, the stolid witnesses, the ponderous books, the cynical
+air of religious solemnity with which the machinery of the law thinly
+cloaks its lust for blood--for a life.
+
+Even when my ears heard the sentence, I could not believe it would be
+carried out. The firing party, the chair, the bandage. Oh, God! spare
+me these awful thoughts. To think of your breasts lacerated by
+the----Oh! this is unendurable! Stop, madman that I am!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am calmer now; I have read your letter again and rescued the journal
+from the grate into which I flung it.
+
+The fire was out; I am not sorry; my journal is all I have left, and in
+its pages are enshrined small, feeble word-pictures of paradise on
+earth. To read them is to catch an echo of the music we both loved so
+well. Music! you were all music to me, my Zoe. Your voice, your
+movements, your caresses all seemed to me to speak of music.
+
+I ask myself, I shall always ask myself until the last hour, whether
+all that could be done to save you was done. I tried to telegraph to
+the Kaiser for you, Zoe, but the wire never got further than Bruges
+post office; they stopped it, and put me under arrest. It was only open
+arrest, my darling, and on that last awful night I forced them to let
+me see the Governor. I, Karl Von Schenk, knelt at his feet and begged
+for your life. He simply said, "You are mad." I left the Palace under
+close arrest.
+
+Was ever woman's nobleness of character so exemplified as in your life?
+Be comforted, Zoe, that in all my black sorrow I cling desperately to
+my pride in your strength. I long to shout abroad what you did and why
+you would never marry me, to tell all the gaping world that when you
+died a martyr to duty was killed. I am so unworthy of what you did for
+me, my darling, and it tortures me with mental rendings to think that
+whilst I prided myself in my strength of mind, I was dragging you
+through the fires of hell. When I think of those six weeks we had
+together, my brain says, "And they might have been months had you not
+spurned her in the forest."
+
+Oh, Zoe! if the priests say truth and all things are now revealed to
+you, forgive me for this act of mine. Come to me in spirit and give me
+mental peace.
+
+[Illustration: "...when there was a blinding flash and the air
+seemed filled with moaning fragments."]
+
+[Illustration: "When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed
+to be ringed with patrols."]
+
+As I write like this, as if it was a letter that you might read, I am
+comforted a little; I rely utterly on the hope, which I struggle to
+change into belief, that you can read this and know my thoughts.
+
+For when I think that had things been otherwise you might have been
+leaning over my chair at this moment, and running your cool fingers
+through my stiff hair; when I think of this, my darling, the full
+realization comes to me of the gulf which must divide us for some
+uncertain period, and the lines of this page run mistily before my
+eyes.
+
+Zoe, my Zoe, strange things have happened in this war; wives declare
+they have seen their husbands, mothers have felt the presence of their
+sons; if the powers permit, come to me once again, I implore you, and
+give me strength to live my life alone.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+Examined before the Court of Inquiry to-day. Fools! can't they realize
+that I don't care if they do shoot me?
+
+In the Mess, people avoid me. What do I care? Not one of them is worthy
+to stand on the same soil that holds her beloved body. They have buried
+her in the Castle grounds. In accordance with her wishes, I have
+arranged for flowers. Perhaps one day when all this is over I may be
+able to live here and tend the place where she sleeps, free at last
+from all her cares.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At the Court of Inquiry they tried to cross-examine me on our life
+together. Dolts! what do they aim at proving? That I loved you? I
+hardly listened. When they finished the evidence, the President asked
+me if I had anything to say! Anything to say! I felt like telling them
+they were cogs in the most monstrous machine for manufacturing sorrow
+and destruction that mankind had ever devised. I could have shaken my
+fist in their solemn faces and shouted "Beasts! you murdered her! You
+destroyed that most wonderful woman who lowered herself to love me."
+
+Actually there was a long silence, and then the Vice-President, Captain
+Fruhlingsohn, said, "Speak; we wish you well."
+
+It was the first touch of sympathy, the only sign of humanity I had
+received in all these awful days, and it touched my stubborn heart and
+the longed-for tears flowed at last.
+
+I murmured: "Gentlemen, I am no traitor; but I loved her as my own
+soul."
+
+"Dissolve the Court. Remove the prisoner." Like the clash of iron
+gates, officialdom came into its own again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+So I am not to be shot! Not even imprisoned! "Don't fall in love with
+enemy agents again!"--that summarized their verdict.
+
+Ha! Ha! Ha! It is all horribly funny. The real reason is that they need
+me. I am a trained and skilful slaughterer on the seas; I am an
+essential part of the great machine. And they haven't got any spares! I
+was in the Mess yesterday when the English papers we get from Amsterdam
+arrived. Oh! a pretty surprise awaited the first man who opened _The
+Times_. These English had published the names of 150 U-boat commanders
+they had caught. There they all were. Christian names and all complete.
+The only thing missing was a blank space in which to fill in our names
+when the time comes.
+
+Dinner was a silent meal last night, and next morning some rat of a
+Belgian had posted the list on the gatepost of the Mess. The machine
+has offered five hundred marks for his apprehension--how foolish; as if
+by shooting him they would take any names off the long list.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am to sail at dawn tomorrow. I shall not be sorry to get away for a
+space from this place with its mingled memories of delight and death.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Back again, and I haven't written a word for three weeks.
+
+My billet last trip was off Finisterre. I sighted two convoys, but
+there were destroyers there; they are so black and swift I don't go
+near them.
+
+I don't want to die in a U-boat. It's not worth while. It is easy to
+avoid these convoys. I dive and make a great fuss of attacking, then I
+steer divergently. Nobody knows where the enemy is except me; I am the
+only one who looks through the periscope--I take good care of that. And
+then how I curse and swear when I announce that the convoy has altered
+course, and there is no chance of getting in to attack. None of them
+are so disappointed as I am!
+
+The mines get on my nerves, there is no way of dodging them, and Lord!
+how they sprout on the Flanders coast.
+
+I am to go out in six days. It is very little rest. I believe they want
+to kill me. But I won't die! Not I.
+
+I went to her grave yesterday for the first time. I had thought I
+should weep, but I did not; in fact it left me quite unmoved. I feel
+she's not really dead; she comes to me sometimes, always at night when
+I am alone and when we are at sea. There's nothing very tangible, but I
+catch an echo of her voice in the surge of the sea along the casing, or
+the sound of the breeze as it plays along the aerial. And so I will not
+die until she calls me, for up to the present her messages have told me
+to live and endure.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A very awkward incident took place last night. We were off the Naze and
+saw a steamer some distance away.
+
+We dived to attack. When we were about a mile away I had a look at her,
+and something about her put me off. I half thought she was a decoy
+ship, and I privately determined I would not attack. I steered a course
+which brought me well on her quarter, and as soon as I saw that it was
+impossible to get into position to fire I increased speed on the
+engines and shook the whole boat in efforts which were ostensibly
+directed to getting her into position. At length I eased speed and
+bitterly exclaimed that my luck was out.
+
+The First Lieutenant suggested that we should give her gunfire, but I
+pointed out that I had good reason to suspect her of being a wolf in
+sheep's clothing, and as he had not seen her he could hardly question
+my judgment. I was going forward, when I accidentally overheard the
+Navigator and the Engineer talking in the wardroom. I listened.
+
+The Engineer said: "The Captain doesn't seem to have the luck he used
+to command."
+
+"Or else he has lost skill!" replied Ebert. "We never fired a torpedo
+at all last trip, and it looks as if we are following that precedent
+this time."
+
+I had heard enough, and, without their realizing my presence, I
+returned to the control room. I considered the situation, and came to
+the conclusion that they suspected nothing, but it was evident that
+their minds were running on lines of thought which might be dangerous.
+I looked at my watch and saw that there was still two hours of daylight
+left, and then decided to play a trick on them all. I relieved the
+First Lieutenant at the periscope, and when a decent interval of about
+half an hour had elapsed I saw a ship. This vessel of my imagination, a
+veritable Flying Dutchman in fact, I proceeded to attack, and, after
+about twenty minutes of frequent alterations of speed and course, I
+electrified the boat by bringing the bow tubes to the ready.
+
+The usual delay was most artistically arranged, and then I fired. With
+secret amusement I watched the two expensive weapons of war rushing
+along, but destined to sink ingloriously in the ocean, instead of
+burying themselves in the vitals of a ship. An oath from myself and an
+order to take the boat to twenty metres.
+
+With gloomy countenance I curtly remarked: "The port torpedo broke
+surface and then dived underneath her, the starboard one missed
+astern."
+
+So far all had gone well, but ten minutes later I nearly made a fatal
+error. We had been diving for several hours, the atmosphere was bad,
+and as it was dusk I decided to come up, ventilate, and put a charge on
+the batteries. I gave the necessary orders, and was on my way up the
+conning tower to open the outer hatch. The coxswain had just announced
+that the boat was on the surface, when a terrible thought paralysed me,
+and I clung helplessly to the ladder trying to think out the situation.
+
+It had just occurred to me that as soon as the officers and crew came
+on deck they would naturally look for the steamer we had recently fired
+at; this ship in the time interval which had elapsed would still be in
+sight.
+
+As I came down, the First Lieutenant was at the periscope, looking
+round the horizon. Quickly I thrust the youth from the eyepiece, and,
+as calmly as I could, said: "I thought I heard propellers."
+
+Half an hour later we surfaced for the night. I have been wondering
+ever since whether they suspect, for the three of them were talking in
+the wardroom after dinner and stopped suddenly when I came in.
+
+I must be careful in future.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I was sent for this morning by the Commodore's office, and handed my
+appointment as Senior Lieutenant at the barracks Wilhelmshafen.
+
+No explanation, though I suspected something of the sort was coming, as
+three days after we got in from my last trip I was examined by the
+medical board attached to the flotilla.
+
+So I am to leave the U-boat service, and leave it under a cloud! It is
+a sad come-down from Captain of a U-boat to Lieutenant in barracks, a
+job reserved for the medically unfit for sea service.
+
+Am I sorry? No, I think I am glad. Life here at Bruges is one long
+painful episode. No one speaks to me in the Mess. I am left severely
+alone with my memories. The night before last I found a revolver in my
+room, and attached to it was a piece of paper bearing the words: "From
+a friend."
+
+Perhaps at Wilhelmshafen it will be different, and yet, when I went
+down to the boat at noon and collected my personal affairs and stepped
+over her side for the last time, I could not check a feeling of great
+sadness. We had endured much together, my boat and I, and the parting
+was hard.
+
+
+
+
+ _At Barracks_.
+
+
+As I suspected when I was appointed here, my job is deadly to a degree,
+and my main duty is to sign leave passes.
+
+Our great effort in France has failed, and now the Allies react
+furiously. The great war machine is strained to its utmost capacity;
+can it endure the load?
+
+Our proper move is to paralyse the Allied offensive by striking with
+all our naval weight at his cross-channel communications. The U-boat
+war is too slow, and time is not on our side, whilst a hammer blow down
+the Channel might do great things. But we have no naval imagination,
+and who am I, that I should advance an opinion?
+
+A discredited Lieutenant in barracks--that's all.
+
+Worse and worse--there are rumours of troubles in the Fleet taking
+place under certain conditions.
+
+It is the beginning of the end!
+
+Last night the High Seas Fleet were ordered to weigh at 8 a.m. this
+morning.
+
+A mutiny broke out in the _König_ and quickly spread.
+
+By 9 a.m. half a dozen ships were flying the red flag, and to-day
+Wilhelmshafen is being administered by the Council of Soldiers and
+Sailors.
+
+There has been little disorder; the men have been unanimous in
+declaring that they would not go to sea for a last useless massacre, a
+last oblation on the bloodstained altars of war.
+
+Can they be blamed? Of what use would such sacrifice be?
+
+Yet to an officer it is all very sad and disheartening.
+
+I have seen enough to sicken me of the whole German system of making
+war, and yet if the call came I know I would gladly go forth and die
+when _tout est perdu fors l'honneur_.
+
+Such instincts are bred deep into the men of families such as mine.
+
+We approach the culmination of events. To-day Germany has called for an
+armistice. It has been inevitable since our Allies began falling away
+from us like rotten print.
+
+The terms will doubtless be hard.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Heavens above! but the terms are crushing!
+
+All the U-boats to be surrendered, the High Seas Fleet interned; why
+not say "surrendered" straight out, it will come to that, unless we
+blow them up in German ports.
+
+The end of Kaiserdom has come; we are virtually a republic; it is all
+like a dream.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We have signed, and the last shot of the world-war has been fired.
+
+Here everything is confusion; the saner elements are trying to keep
+order, the roughs are going round the dockyard and ships, looting
+freely.
+
+"Better we should steal them than the English," and "There is no
+Government, so all is free," are two of their cries.
+
+There has been a little shooting in the streets, and it is not safe for
+officers to move about in uniform, though, on the whole, I have
+experienced little difficulty.
+
+I was summoned to-day before the Local Council, which is run by a man
+who was a Petty Officer of signals in the _König_. He recognized me and
+looked away.
+
+I was instructed to take U.122 over to Harwich for surrender to the
+English.
+
+I made no difficulty; some one has got to do it, and I verily believe I
+am indifferent to all emotions.
+
+We sail in convoy on the day after tomorrow; that is to say, if the
+crew condescend to fuel the boat in time. Three looters were executed
+to-day in the dockyard and this has had a steadying effect on the worst
+elements.
+
+       *       *       *       *      *
+
+I went on board 122 to-day, and on showing my authority which was
+signed by the Council (which has now become the Council of Soldiers,
+Sailors and Workmen), the crew of the boat held a meeting at which I
+was not invited to be present.
+
+At its conclusion the coxswain came up to me and informed me that a
+resolution had been carried by seventeen votes to ten, to the effect
+that I was to be obeyed as Captain of the boat.
+
+I begged him to convey to the crew my gratification, and expressed the
+hope that I should give satisfaction.
+
+I am afraid the sarcasm was quite lost on them.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are within sixty miles of Harwich and I expect to sight the English
+cruisers any moment.
+
+I wrote some days ago that I was incapable of any emotion.
+
+I was wrong, as I have been so often during the last two years.
+
+In fact, I have come to the conclusion that I am no psychologist--I
+don't believe we Germans are any good at psychology, and that's the
+root reason why we've failed.
+
+I do feel emotion--it's terrible; the shame--the humiliation is
+unbearable.
+
+I wonder how the English will behave? What a day of triumph for them.
+
+The signalman has just come down and reported British cruisers right
+ahead; it will soon be over. I must go up on deck and exercise my
+functions as elected Captain of U.122, and representative of Germany in
+defeat. One last effort is demanded, and then----
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE_
+
+
+_This is the last sentence in the diary. It is probable that he suddenly
+had to hurry on deck and in the subsequent confusion forgot to rescue
+his diary from the locker in which he had thrust it_.
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Diary of a U-Boat Commander, by Anonymous
+
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+<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN">
+<HTML>
+<HEAD>
+<TITLE>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Diary of a U-boat Commander, by  Anon</TITLE>
+<META HTTP-EQUIV="content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
+<style type="text/css">
+<!--
+body {margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; background-color: white}
+img {border: 0;}
+h1,h2,h3 {text-align: center;}
+.ind {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+hr {text-align: center; width: 50%;}
+.ctr {text-align: center;}
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+</HEAD>
+<BODY>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Diary of a U-Boat Commander, by Anonymous
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Diary of a U-Boat Commander
+
+Author: Anonymous
+
+Posting Date: January 28, 2011 [EBook #7947]
+Release Date: April, 2005
+First Posted: June 4, 2003
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Eric Eldred, Marvin A. Hodges, Charles Franks,
+and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/001.jpg"><img src="images/001th.jpg" alt="We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife through cheese"></a>
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<h1>The Diary of a U-boat Commander</h1>
+
+<h2>WITH AN INTRODUCTION AND EXPLANATORY NOTES BY ETIENNE</h2>
+
+<h3>AND</h3>
+
+<h2><i>18 Illustrations on Art Paper by Frank H. Mason.</i></h2>
+
+<hr>
+
+<h3>BOOKS BY ETIENNE</h3>
+
+<hr>
+
+<h3>STRANGE TALES FROM THE FLEET</h3>
+
+<h3>A NAVAL LIEUTENANT</h3>
+
+<h3>1914--1918.</h3>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+"In collaboration with Navallus.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+Five Songs from the Grand Fleet."
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/004.jpg"><img src="images/004th.jpg" alt="...they are so black and swift I don't go near them"></a>
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<h3>LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS</h3>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/001.jpg">"We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife through
+cheese"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/004.jpg">"...they are so black and swift I don't go near them"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/049.jpg">"Steering north-westerly ... to lay a small minefield off Newcastle"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/050.jpg">"He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer approaching at full
+speed to ram"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/083b.jpg">"We were put down by a trawler at dawn"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/083a.jpg">"The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of the steamer and had then dived under her"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/084.jpg">"A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck the bottom"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/117.jpg">"As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/118.jpg">"We hit her aft for the second time...."</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/151.jpg">"The track met our ram"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/152.jpg">"In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/201.jpg">"The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/202a.jpg">"Good-bye! Steer west for America!"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/202b.jpg">"It is a snug anchorage, and here I intend to remain"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/251.jpg">"A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign was broken at the
+fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure that was revealed
+on her side"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/252.jpg">"I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers there...."</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/285.jpg">"... when there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with moaning fragments"</a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<a href="images/286.jpg">"When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed
+with patrols"</a>
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<h3>INTRODUCTION</h3>
+
+<p>
+"I would ask you a favour," said the German captain, as we sat in the
+cabin of a U-boat which had just been added to the long line of
+bedraggled captives which stretched themselves for a mile or more in
+Harwich Harbour, in November, 1918.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I made no reply; I had just granted him a favour by allowing him to
+leave the upper deck of the submarine, in order that he might await the
+motor launch in some sort of privacy; why should he ask for more?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Undeterred by my silence, he continued: "I have a great friend,
+Lieutenant-zu-See Von Schenk, who brought U.122 over last week; he has
+lost a diary, quite private, he left it in error; can he have it?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I deliberated, felt a certain pity, then remembered the <i>Belgian
+Prince</i> and other things, and so, looking the German in the face, I
+said:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I can do nothing."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Please."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I shook my head, then, to my astonishment, the German placed his head
+in his hands and wept, his massive frame (for he was a very big man)
+shook in irregular spasms; it was a most extraordinary spectacle.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It seemed to me absurd that a man who had suffered, without visible
+emotion, the monstrous humiliation of handing over his command intact,
+should break down over a trivial incident concerning a diary, and not
+even his own diary, and yet there was this man crying openly before me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It rather impressed me, and I felt a curious shyness at being present,
+as if I had stumbled accidentally into some private recess of his mind.
+I closed the cabin door, for I heard the voices of my crew approaching.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He wept for some time, perhaps ten minutes, and I wished very much to
+know of what he was thinking, but I couldn't imagine how it would be
+possible to find out.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I think that my behaviour in connection with his friend's diary added
+the last necessary drop of water to the floods of emotion which he had
+striven, and striven successfully, to hold in check during the agony of
+handing over the boat, and now the dam had crumbled and broken away.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It struck me that, down in the brilliantly-lit, stuffy little cabin,
+the result of the war was epitomized. On the table were some
+instruments I had forbidden him to remove, but which my first
+lieutenant had discovered in the engineer officer's bag.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On the settee lay a cheap, imitation leather suit-case, containing his
+spare clothes and a few books. At the table sat Germany in defeat,
+weeping, but not the tears of repentance, rather the tears of bitter
+regret for humiliations undergone and ambitions unrealized.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We did not speak again, for I heard the launch come alongside, and, as
+she bumped against the U-boat, the noise echoed through the hull into
+the cabin, and aroused him from his sorrows. He wiped his eyes, and,
+with an attempt at his former hardiness, he followed me on deck and
+boarded the motor launch.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Next day I visited U.122, and these papers are presented to the public,
+with such additional remarks as seemed desirable; for some curious
+reason the author seems to have omitted nearly all dates. This may have
+been due to the fear that the book, if captured, would be of great
+value to the British Intelligence Department if the entries were dated.
+The papers are in the form of two volumes in black leather binding,
+with a long letter inside the cover of the second volume.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>Internal evidence has permitted me to add the dates as regards the
+years. My thanks are due to K. for assistance in translation</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<h3>The Diary of a U-boat Commander</h3>
+
+
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+One volume of my war-journal completed, and I must confess it is dull
+reading.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I could not help smiling as I read my enthusiastic remarks at the
+outbreak of war, when we visualized battles by the week. What a
+contrast between our expectations and the actual facts.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Months of monotony, and I haven't even seen an Englishman yet.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our battle cruisers have had a little amusement with the coast raids at
+Scarborough and elsewhere, but we battle-fleet fellows have seen
+nothing, and done nothing.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So I have decided to volunteer for the U-boat service, and my name went
+in last week, though I am told it may be months before I am taken, as
+there are about 250 lieutenants already on the waiting list.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But sooner or later I suppose something will come of it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I shall have no cause to complain of inactivity in that Service, if I
+get there.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I am off to-night for a six-days trip, two days of which are to be
+spent in the train, to the Verdun sector.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It has been a great piece of luck. The trip had been arranged by the
+Military and Naval Inter-communication Department; and two officers
+from this squadron were to go.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There were 130 candidates, so we drew lots; as usual I was lucky and
+drew one of the two chances.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It should be intensely interesting.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+<i>At</i> ----
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I arrived here last night after a slow and tiresome journey, which was
+somewhat alleviated by an excellent bottle of French wine which I
+purchased whilst in the Champagne district.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Long before we reached the vicinity of Verdun it was obvious to the
+most casual observer that we were heading for a centre of unusual
+activity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Hospital trains travelling north-east and east were numerous, and twice
+our train, which was one of the ordinary military trains, was shunted
+on to a siding to allow troop trains to rumble past.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As we approached Verdun the noise of artillery, which I had heard
+distantly once or twice during the day, as the casual railway train
+approached the front, became more intense and grew from a low murmur
+into a steady noise of a kind of growling description, punctuated at
+irregular intervals by very deep booms as some especially heavy piece
+was discharged, or an ammunition dump went up.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The country here is very different from the mud flats of Flanders, as
+it is hilly and well wooded. The Meuse, in the course of centuries, has
+cut its way through the rampart of hills which surround Verdun, and we
+are attacking the place from three directions. On the north we are
+slowly forcing the French back on either river bank--a very costly
+proceeding, as each wing must advance an equal amount, or the one that
+advances is enfiladed from across the river.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are also slowly creeping forward from the east and north-east in the
+direction of Douaumont.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am attached to a 105-cm. battery, a young Major von Markel in
+command, a most charming fellow. I spent all to-day in the advanced
+observing position with a young subaltern called Grabel, also a nice
+young fellow. I was in position at 6 a.m., and, as apparently is common
+here, mist hides everything from view until the sun attains a certain
+strength. Our battery was supporting the attack on the north side of
+the river, though the battery itself was on the south side, and firing
+over a hill called L'Homme Mort.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Von Markel told me that the fighting here has not been previously
+equalled in the war, such is the intensity of the combat and the price
+each side is paying.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I could see for myself that this was so, and the whole atmosphere of
+the place is pregnant with the supreme importance of this struggle,
+which may well be the dying convulsions of decadent France.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+His Imperial Majesty himself has arrived on the scene to witness the
+final triumph of our arms, and all agree that the end is imminent.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Once we get Verdun, it is the general opinion that this portion of the
+French front will break completely, carrying with it the adjacent
+sectors, and the French Armies in the Vosges and Argonne will be
+committed to a general retreat on converging lines.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But, favourable as this would be to us, it is generally considered here
+that the fall of Verdun will break the moral resistance of the French
+nation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The feeling is, that infinitely more is involved than the capture of a
+French town, or even the destruction of a French Army; it is a question
+of stamina; it is the climax of the world war, the focal point of the
+colossal struggle between the Latin and the Teuton, and on the
+battlefields of Verdun the gods will decide the destinies of nations.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When I got to the forward observing position, which was situated among
+the ruins of a house, a most amazing noise made conversation difficult.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The orchestra was in full blast and something approaching 12,000 pieces
+of all sizes were in action on our side alone, this being the greatest
+artillery concentration yet effected during the war.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were situated on one side of a valley which ran up at right angles
+to the river, whose actual course was hidden by mist, which also
+obscured the bottom of our valley. The front line was down in this
+little valley, and as I arrived we lifted our barrage on to the far
+hill-side to cover an attack which we were delivering at dawn.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Nothing could be seen of the conflict down below, but after half an
+hour we received orders to bring back our barrage again, and Grabel
+informed me that the attack had evidently failed. This afternoon I
+heard that it was indeed so, and that one division (the 58th), which
+had tried to work along the river bank and outflank the hill, had been
+caught by a concentration of six batteries of French 75's, which were
+situated across the river. The unfortunate 58th, forced back from the
+river-side, had heroically fought their way up the side of the hill,
+only to encounter our barrage, which, owing to the mist, we thought was
+well above and ahead of where they would be.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Under this fresh blow the 58th had retired to their trenches at the
+bottom of the small valley. As the day warmed up the mist disappeared,
+and, like a theatre curtain, the lifting of this veil revealed the
+whole scene in its terrible and yet mechanical splendour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I say mechanical, for it all seemed unreal to me. I knew I should not
+see cavalry charges, guns in the open, and all the old-world panoply of
+war, but I was not prepared for this barren and shell-torn circle of
+hills, continually being freshly, and, to an uninformed observer,
+aimlessly lashed by shell fire.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Not a man in sight, though below us the ground was thickly strewn with
+corpses. Overhead a few aeroplanes circled round amidst balls of white
+shell bursts.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+During the day the slow-circling aeroplanes (which were artillery
+observing machines) were galvanized into frightful activity by the
+sudden appearance of a fighting machine on one side or the other; this
+happened several times; it reminded me of a pike amongst young trout.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After lunch I saw a Spad shot down in flames, it was like Lucifer
+falling down from high heavens. The whole scene was enframed by a
+sluggish line of observation balloons.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sometimes groups of these would hastily sink to earth, to rise again
+when the menace of the aeroplane had passed. These balloons seemed more
+like phlegmatic spectators at some athletic contest than actual
+participants in the events.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I wish my pen could convey to paper the varied impressions created
+within my mind in the course of the past day; but it cannot. I have the
+consolation that, though I think that I have considerable ability as a
+writer, yet abler pens than mine have abandoned in despair the task of
+describing a modern battle.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I can but reiterate that the dominant impression that remains is of the
+mechanical nature of this business of modern war, and yet such an
+impression is a false one, for as in the past so to-day, and so in the
+future, it is the human element which is, has been, and will be the
+foundation of all things.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Once only in the course of the day did I see men in any numbers, and
+that was when at 3 p.m. the French were detected massing for a
+counter-attack on the south side of the river. It was doomed to be
+still-born. As they left their trenches, distant pigmy figures in
+horizon blue, apparently plodding slowly across the ground, they were
+lashed by an intensive barrage and the little figures were obliterated
+in a series of spouting shell bursts.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Five minutes later the barrage ceased, the smoke drifted away and not a
+man was to be seen. Grabel told me that it had probably cost them 750
+casualties. What an amazing and efficient destruction of living
+organism!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Another most interesting day, though of a different nature.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To-day was spent witnessing the arrangements for dealing with the
+wounded. I spent the morning at an advanced dressing station on the
+south bank of the river. It was in a cellar, beneath the ruins of a
+house, about 400 yards from the front line and under heavy shell-fire,
+as close at hand was the remains of what had been a wood, which was
+being used as a concentration point for reserves.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The cover afforded by this so-called wood was extremely slight, and the
+troops were concentrating for the innumerable attacks and
+counter-attacks which were taking place under shell fire. This caused
+the surgeon in charge of the cellar to describe the wood as our main
+supply station!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I entered the cellar at 8 a.m., taking advantage of a partial lull in
+the shelling, but a machine-gun bullet viciously flipped into a wooden
+beam at the entrance as I ducked to go in. I was not sorry to get
+underground. A sloping path brought me into the cellar, on one side of
+which sappers were digging away the earth to increase the
+accommodation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The illumination consisted of candles set in bottles and some electric
+hand lamps. The centre of the cellar was occupied by two portable
+operating tables, rarely untenanted during the three hours I spent in
+this hell.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The atmosphere--for there was no ventilation--stank of sweat, blood,
+and chloroform.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By a powerful effort I countered my natural tendency to vomit, and
+looked around me. The sides of the cellar were lined with figures on
+stretchers. Some lay still and silent, others writhed and groaned. At
+intervals, one of the attendants would call the doctor's attention to
+one of the still forms. A hasty examination ensued, and the stretcher
+and its contents were removed. A few minutes later the
+stretcher--empty--returned. The surgeon explained to me that there was
+no room for corpses in the cellar; business, he genially remarked, was
+too brisk at the present crucial stage of the great battle.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The first feelings of revulsion having been mastered, I determined to
+make the most of my opportunities, as I have always felt that the naval
+officer is at a great disadvantage in war as compared with his
+military brother, in that he but rarely has a chance of accustoming
+himself to the unpleasant spectacle of torn flesh and bones.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This morning there was no lack of material, and many of the intestinal
+wounds were peculiarly revolting, so that at lunch-time, when another
+convenient lull in the torrent of shell fire enabled me to leave the
+cellar, I felt thoroughly hardened; in fact I had assisted in a humble
+degree at one or two operations.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had lunch at the 11th Army Medical Headquarters Mess, and it was a
+sumptuous meal to which I did full justice.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After lunch, whilst waiting to be motored to a field hospital, I
+happened to see a battalion of Silesian troops about to go up to the
+front line.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was rather curious feeling that one was looking at men, each in
+himself a unit of civilization, and yet many of whom were about to die
+in the interests thereof.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Their faces were an interesting study.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Some looked careless and debonair, and seemed to swing past with a
+touch of recklessness in their stride, others were grave and serious,
+and seemed almost to plod forward to the dictates of an inevitable
+fatalism.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The field hospital, where we met some very charming nurses, on one of
+
+whom I think I created a distinct impression, was not particularly
+interesting. It was clean, well-organized and radiated the efficiency
+inseparable from the German Army.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Back at Wilhelmshaven--curse it!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Yesterday morning, when about to start on a tour of the ammunition
+supply arrangements, I received an urgent wire recalling me at once!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was nothing for it but to obey.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was lucky enough to get a passage as far as Mons in an albatross
+scout which was taking dispatches to that place.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+From there I managed to bluff a motor car out of the town commandant--a
+most obliging fellow. This took me to Aachen where I got an express.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The reason for my recall was that Witneisser went sick and Arnheim
+being away, this has left only two in the operations ciphering
+department.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My arrival has made us three. It is pretty strenuous work and, being of
+a clerical nature, suits me little. The only consolation is that many
+of the messages are most interesting. I was looking through the back
+files the other day and amongst other interesting information I came
+across the wireless report from the boat that had sunk the <i>Lusitania</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It has always been a mystery to me why we sank her, as I do not believe
+those things pay.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Arnheim has come back, so I have got out of the ciphering department,
+to my great delight.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have received official information that my application for U-boats
+has been received. Meanwhile all there is to do is to sit at
+this ---- hole and wait.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>2nd June</i>, 1916.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have fought in the greatest sea battle of the ages; it has been a
+wonderful and terrible experience.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All the details of the battle will be history, but I feel that I must
+place on record my personal experiences.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We have not escaped without marks, and the good old <i>König</i> brought 67
+dead and 125 wounded into port as the price of the victory off
+Skajerack, but of the English there are thousands who slept their last
+sleep in the wrecked hulls of the battle cruisers which will rust for
+eternal ages upon the Jutland banks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sad as our losses are--and the gallant <i>Lutzow</i> has sunk in sight of
+home--I am filled with pride.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We have met that great armada the British Fleet, we have struck them
+with a hammer blow and we have returned. I was asleep in my cabin when
+the news came that Hipper was coming south with the British battle
+cruisers on his beam. In five minutes we were at our action stations.
+We made contact with Hipper at 5.30 p.m., [<a href="#f1">1</a>] and Beatty turned north
+with his cruisers and fast battleships and we pursued.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f1">1.</a> This is 4.30 G.M.T.--Etienne
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Two of the great ships had been sunk by our battle cruisers, and we had
+hopes of destroying the remainder, when at 6.55 the mist on the
+northern horizon was pierced by the formidable line of the British
+Battle Fleet.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Jellicoe had arrived!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Three battle cruisers became involved between the lines, and in an
+instant one was blown up, and another crawled west in a sinking
+condition. Sudden and terrible are events in a modern sea-battle.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Confronted with the concentrated force of Britain's Battle Fleet we
+turned to east, and for twenty minutes our High Seas Fleet sustained
+the unequal contest.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was during this period that we were hit seventeen times by heavy
+shell, though, in my position in the after torpedo control tower, I
+only realized one hit had taken place, which was when a shell plunged
+into the after turret and, blowing the roof off, killed every member of
+the turret's crew.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+From my position, when the smoke and dust had blown away, I looked down
+into a mass of twisted machinery, amongst which I seemed to detect the
+charred remains of bodies.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At about 7.40 we turned, under cover of our smoke screen, and steered
+south-west.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our position was not satisfactory, as the last information of the enemy
+reported them as turning to the southward; consequently they were
+between us and Heligoland.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 11 p.m. we received a signal for divisions of battle fleets to steer
+independently for the Horn Reef swept channel.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Ten minutes later we underwent the first of five destroyer attacks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The British destroyers, searching wide in the night, had located us,
+and with desperate gallantry pressed home the attack again and again.
+So close did they come that about 1.30 a.m. we rammed one, passing
+through her like a knife through a cheese.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was a wonderful spectacle to see those sinister craft, rushing madly
+to their destruction down the bright beam of our powerful searchlights.
+It was an avenue of death for them, but to the credit of their Service
+it must stand that throughout the long nightmare they did not hesitate.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The surrounding darkness seemed to vomit forth flotilla after flotilla
+of these cavalry of the sea.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And they struck us once, a torpedo right forward, which will keep us in
+dock for a month, but did no vital injury.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When morning dawned, misty and soft, as is its way in June in the
+Bight, we were to the eastward of the British, and so we came
+honourably home to Wilhelmshaven, feeling that the young Navy had laid
+worthy foundations for its tradition to grow upon.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are to report at Kiel, and shall be six weeks upon the job.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>Frankfurt</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Back on seventeen days' leave, and everyone here very anxious to hear
+details of the battle of Skajerack.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is very pleasant to have something to talk to the women about.
+Usually the gallant field greys hold the drawing-room floor, with their
+startling tales from the Western Front, of how they nearly took Verdun,
+and would have if the British hadn't insisted on being slaughtered on
+the Somme.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is quite impossible in many ways to tell that there is a war on as
+far as social life in this place is concerned.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There is a shortage of good coffee and that is about all.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Arrived back on board last night.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They have made a fine job of us, and we go through the canal to the
+Schillig Roads early next week.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are to do three weeks' gunnery practices from there, to train the
+new drafts.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+1916 (<i>about August</i>).
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At last! Thank Heavens, my application has been granted. Schmitt (the
+Secretary) told me this morning that a letter has come from the
+Admiralty to say that I am to present myself for medical examination at
+the board at Wilhelmshaven to-morrow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+What joy! to strike a blow at last, finished for ever the cursed
+monotony of inactivity of this High Seas Fleet life. But the U-boat
+war! Ah! that goes well. We shall bring those stubborn, blood-sucking
+islanders to their knees by striking at them through their bellies.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When I think of London and no food, and Glasgow and no food, then who
+can say what will happen? Revolt! rebellion in England, and our brave
+field greys on the west will smash them to atoms in the spring of 1917,
+and I, Karl Schenk, will have helped directly in this! Great
+thought--but calm! I am not there yet, there is still this confounded
+medical board. I almost wish I had not drunk so much last night, not
+that it makes any difference, but still one must run no risks, for I
+hear that the medical is terribly strict for the U-boat service. Only
+the cream is skimmed! Well, to-morrow we shall see.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Passed! and with flying colours; it seemed absurdly easy and only took
+ten minutes, but then my physique is magnificent, thanks to the
+physical training I have always done. I am now due to get three weeks'
+leave, and then to Zeebrugge.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have wired to the little mother at Frankfurt.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+<i>At Zeebrugge, or rather Bruges.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I spent three weeks at home, all the family are pleased except mother;
+she has a woman's dread of danger; it is a pleasing characteristic in
+peace time, but a cloy on pleasure in days of war. To her, with the
+narrowness of a female's intellect, I really believe I am of more
+importance than the Fatherland--how absurd. Whilst at Frankfurt I saw a
+good deal of Rosa; she seems better looking each time I meet her;
+doubtless she is still developing to full womanhood. Moritz was home
+from Flanders. He had ten days' leave from Ypres, and, though I have a
+dislike for him, he certainly was interesting, though why the English
+cling to those wretched ruins is more than I can understand.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I felt instinctively that in a sense Moritz and I were rivals where
+Rosa was concerned, though I have never considered her in that
+light--as yet. One day, perhaps? These women are much the same
+everywhere, and I could see that having entered the U-boat service made
+a difference with Rosa, though her logic should have told her that I
+was no different. But is that right? After all, it is something to have
+joined this service; the Guards themselves have no better cachet, and
+it is certainly cheaper.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here we live in billets and in a commandeered hotel. The life ashore is
+pleasant enough; the damned Belgians are sometimes sulky, but they know
+who is master. Bissing (a splendid chap) sees to that.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As a matter of fact we have benefited them by our occupation, the shops
+do a roaring trade at preposterous prices, and shamefully enough the
+German shopkeepers are most guilty. These pot-bellied merchants don't
+seem to realize that they exist owing to our exertions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was much struck with the beautiful orderliness of the small gardens
+which we have laid out since 1914, and, in fact, wherever one looks
+there is evidence of the genius of the German race for thorough
+organization. Yet these Belgians don't seem to appreciate it. I can't
+understand it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I find here that social life is very much gayer than at that mad town
+of Wilhelmshaven. At the High Seas Fleet bases there was the strictness
+and austerity that some people seem to consider necessary to show that
+we are at war, though Heaven knows there was precious little war in the
+High Seas Fleet; perhaps that was why the "blood and iron" régime was
+in full order ashore. Here, in Bruges, at any rate as far as the
+submarine officers are concerned, the matter is far different. When the
+boats are in, one seems to do as one likes, with a perfunctory visit to
+the ship in the course of the day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Witnitz (the Commodore) favours complete relaxation when in from a
+trip. In the evenings there are parties, for which there are always
+ladies, and I find it is necessary to have a "smoking."[<a href="#f2">2</a>] I went to
+the best tailor to buy one, and found that I must have one made at the
+damnable price of 140 marks; the fitter, an oily Jew, had the
+incredible impertinence to assure me it would be cut on London lines!
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f2">2.</a> A dinner jacket.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I nearly felled him to the ground; can one never get away from England
+and things English? I'll see his account waits a bit before I settle
+it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There are several fellows I know here. Karl Müller, who was 3rd
+watchkeeper in the <i>Yorck</i>, and Adolf Hilfsbaumer, who was captain of
+G.176, are the two I know best. They are both doing a few trips as
+second in commands of the later U.C. boats, which are mine-laying off
+the English coasts. This is a most dangerous operation, and nearly all
+the U.C. boats are commanded by reserve officers, of whom there are a
+good many in the Mess.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Excellent fellows, no doubt, but somewhat uncouth and lacking the finer
+points of breeding; as far as I can see in the short time I have been
+here they keep themselves to themselves a good deal. I certainly don't
+wish to mix with them. Unfortunately, it appears that I am almost bound
+to be appointed as second in command of one of the U.C. boats, for at
+least one trip before I go to the periscope school and train for a
+command of my own. The idea of being bottled up in an elongated cigar
+and under the command of one of those nautical plough-boys is
+repellent. However, the Von Schenks have never been too proud to obey
+in order to learn how to command.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I have been appointed second in command to U.C.47. Her captain is one
+Max Alten by name. Beyond the fact that I saw him drunk one night in
+the Mess I know nothing of him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I reported to him and he seems rather in awe of me. His fears are
+groundless.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I shall make it as easy as possible for him, for it must be as awkward
+for him as it is unpleasant for me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To celebrate my proper entry into the U-boat service, I gave a dinner
+party last night in a private room at "Le Coq d'Or." I asked Karl and
+Adolf, and told them to bring three girls. My opposite number was a
+lovely girl called Zoe something or other. I wore my "smoking" for the
+first time; it is certainly a becoming costume.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We drank a good deal of champagne and had a very pleasant little
+debauch; the girls got very merry, and I kissed Zoe once. She was not
+very angry. I think she is thoroughly charming, and I have accepted an
+invitation to take tea at her flat. She is either the wife or the chère
+amie of a colonel in the Brandenburgers, I could not make out which.
+Luckily the gallant "Cockchafer" is at the moment on the La Bassée
+sector, where I was interested to observe that heavy fighting has
+broken out to-day. I must console the fair Zoe!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Both Karl and Adolf got rather drunk, Adolf hopelessly so, but I, as
+usual, was hardly affected. I have a head of iron, provided the liquor
+is good, and <i>I</i> saw to that point.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We were sailing, or rather going down the canal to Zeebrugge on Friday,
+but the starting resistance of the port main motor burnt out and we
+were delayed till Sunday, as they will fit a new one.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I must confess the organization for repair work here is admirable, as
+very little is done by the crews in the U-boats, all work being carried
+out by the permanent staff, who are quartered at Bruges docks. Taking
+advantage of the delay I called on Zoe Stein, as I find she is named.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It appears she is <i>not</i> married to Colonel Stein. She told me he was
+fat and ugly, and laughed a good deal about him. She showed me his
+photograph, and certainly he is no beauty. However, he must be a man of
+means, as he has given her a charming flat, beautifully decorated with
+water-colours which the Colonel salved from the French château in the
+early days--these army fellows had all the chances.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I bade an affectionate farewell to Zoe, and I trust Stein will be still
+busily engaged at La Bassée when I return in a fortnight's time! I am
+greatly obliged to Karl for the introduction, and told him so; he
+himself is running after a little grass widow whose husband has been
+missing for some months. I think Karl finds it an expensive game;
+luckily Zoe seems well supplied with money--the essential ingredient in
+a joyous life.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On Friday night we had an air-raid--a frequent event here, but my first
+experience in this line. Unpleasant, but a fine spectacle, considerable
+damage done near the docks and an unexploded bomb fell in a street near
+our headquarters.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Two machines (British) brought down in flames. I saw the green balls
+[<a href="#f3">3</a>] for the first time. A most fascinating sight to see them floating
+up in waving chains into the vault of heaven; they reminded me of
+making daisy chains as a child.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f3">3.</a> Known as "Flying-onions."
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>At Zeebrugge</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are alongside the mole in one of the new submarine shelters that has
+been built.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The boat is under a concrete roof over three feet thick, which would
+defy the heaviest bomb.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We have much improved the port since our arrival. The port, so-called,
+is purely artificial, and actually consists of a long mole with a
+gentle curve in it, which reaches out to seaward and protects the mouth
+of the canal. The tides are very strong up and down the coast, and
+constant dredging is carried out to keep 20 feet of water over the sill
+at the lock gates.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On arrival last night we went straight into No. 11 shelter, as an
+air-raid was expected, but nothing happened, so I went up to the
+"Flandre," which seems to be the best hotel here, full of submarine
+people, and I heard many interesting stories. There seems no doubt this
+U-boat war is dangerous work; I find the U.C. boats are beginning to be
+called the Suicide Club, after the famous English story of that name,
+which, curiously enough, I saw on the kinematograph at Frankfurt last
+leave. We Germans are extraordinarily broad-minded; I doubt if the
+works of German authors are seen on the screens in England or France.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The news from the West is good, the English are hurling themselves to
+destruction against our steel front. We are now to load up with mines.
+I must stop writing to superintend this work.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>At sea. Near the South Dogger Light.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We loaded up the ten mines we carry in an hour and five minutes. They
+were lifted from a railway truck by a big crane and delicately lowered
+into the mine tubes, of which we have five in the bows.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The tubes extend from the upper deck of the ship to her keel, and slope
+aft to facilitate release. Having completed with fuel at Bruges, we
+took in a store of provisions and Alten went up to the Commodore's
+office to get our sailing orders.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We sailed at 6 p.m. and at last I felt I was off. To-day, the 22nd, we
+are just north of the South Dogger, steering north-westerly at 9-1/2
+knots.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The sea is quite calm and everything is very pleasant. Our mission is
+to lay a small minefield off Newcastle in the East Coast war channel. I
+have, of course, never been to sea for any length of time in a U-boat,
+and it is all very novel.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I find the roar of the Diesel engine very relentless, and last night
+slept badly in a wretched bunk, which was a poor substitute for my
+lovely quarters in the barracks at Wilhelmshaven. One thing I
+appreciate, and that is the food; it is really excellent: fresh milk,
+fresh butter, white bread and many other luxuries.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have spent most of the day picking up things about the boat. Her
+general arrangement is as follows:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Starting in the bows, mine tubes occupy the centre of the boat, leaving
+two narrow passages, one each side. In the port passage is the wireless
+cabinet and signal flag lockers, with store rooms underneath. In the
+starboard passage are one or two small pumps and the kitchen.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The next compartment contains four bunks, two each side, these are
+occupied by Alten, myself, the engineer, and the Navigating Warrant
+Officer. Proceeding further aft one enters the control room, in which
+one periscope is situated, and the necessary valves and pumps for
+diving the boat.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The next compartment is the crew space; ten of the company exist here.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Overhead on each side is the gear for releasing the torpedoes from the
+external torpedo tubes, of which we carry one each side. I think we
+borrowed this idea from the Russians.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then comes the engine-room, an inferno of rattling noises, but
+excellent engines, I believe. At the after end of the engine-room are
+the two main switchboards, of whose manner of working I am at present
+in some ignorance.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The two main sets of electric motors are underneath the boards, in the
+stern, where we have a third torpedo tube.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I had hardly written the above words when a message came that the
+captain would like me to come to the bridge.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I went up in a leisurely fashion, through the conning tower, which is
+over the control room, and reported myself. He indicated a low-lying
+patch of smoke on the horizon far away on the starboard bow. I was
+obliged to confess that it conveyed nothing to me, when he aroused my
+intense interest by stating that it was, without doubt, being emitted
+from a British submarine, who are known to frequent these waters. He
+was proceeding away from us, and was, even then, six or seven miles
+away, so an attack was out of the question. The engineer, who had
+joined us, drew my attention to the thin wisp of almost invisible
+blue-grey smoke from our own stern. The contrast was certainly
+striking!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Over dinner I gave it as my opinion that the British boats were pretty
+useless. Alten would not agree, and stated that, though in certain
+technical aspects they were in a position of inferiority, yet in
+personnel and skill in attacking they were fully our equals. He seemed
+to hold them in considerable respect, and he remarked that, when making
+a passage, he was more anxious on their account than in any other way.
+He informed me that, on the last passage he made, he was attacked by a
+British boat which he never saw, the only indication he received being
+a torpedo which jumped out of the water almost over his tail. Luckily
+it was very rough at the time, which made the torpedo run erratically,
+otherwise they would undoubtedly have been hit.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+What appeared to astonish him was the fact that the British boat had
+been able to make an attack in such weather. We are now charging on one
+engine, 500 amperes on each half-battery.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We are due back at Zeebrugge at 10 p.m. to-night. We should have been
+in at dawn to-day, but we received a wireless from the senior officer,
+Zeebrugge, to say that mine-laying was suspected, and we were to wait
+till the "Q.R." channel, from the Blankenberg buoy, had been swept. We
+lay in the bottom for eight hours, a few miles from the western end of
+the channel.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our trip was quite successful, but not without certain excitements.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On the night of the 23rd we passed fairly close to a fishing fleet on
+the Dogger Bank, and saw the lights of several steamers in the
+distance. As our first business was to lay our mines in the appointed
+place, we did not worry them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We burnt usual navigation lights, or rather side lights which appear to
+be usual, except that, by a little fitting which Alten has made
+himself, the arcs of bearing on which the lights show can be changed at
+will. His idea is that, should we appear to be approaching a steamer
+which he wishes to avoid, in many cases, by shining a little more or
+less red and green light, we can make her think that we are a steamer
+on such a course that it is her duty by the rules of the road to keep
+clear of us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He tells me it has worked on several occasions, and he has also found
+it useful to have two small auxiliary side lights fitted which are the
+wrong colours for the sides they are on. It is, of course, only neutral
+shipping which carry lights nowadays, though Alten says that many
+British ships are still incredibly careless in the matter of lights.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, to resume my account of what happened. We reached our position
+at dawn or slightly after, the weather was beautifully calm and the sea
+like glass. As we were only three miles from the English coast, and
+close to the mouth of the Tyne, we were extraordinarily lucky to have
+nothing in sight, if one excepts a long smudge of smoke which trailed
+across the horizon to the southward.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The land itself was obscured by early morning banks of mist, yet
+everything was so still that we actually faintly heard the whistle of a
+train. I could hardly restrain from suggesting to Alten that we should
+elevate the 10-cm. gun to fifteen degrees and fire a few rounds on to
+"proud Albion's virgin shores," but I did not do so as I felt fairly
+certain that he would not approve, and I do not wish to lay myself open
+to rebuffs from him after his behaviour concerning the smoking
+incident. I boil with rage at the thought, but again I digress.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The fact that the land was obscured was favourable from the point of
+view that we were not worried by coast watchers, but unfavourable from
+the standpoint that we were unable to take bearings of anything and so
+ascertain our exact position.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The importance of this point in submarine mine-laying is obvious, for,
+owing to our small cargo of eggs, it is quite possible that we may be
+sent here again, to lay an adjacent field, in which case it is highly
+desirable to know the exact position of one's previous effort.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/049.jpg"><img src="images/049th.jpg" alt="Steering north-westerly...; to lay a small minefield
+off Newcastle"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/050.jpg"><img src="images/050th.jpg" alt="He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer approaching at full speed to ram"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were somewhat assisted in our efforts to locate ourselves by the
+fact that a seven-fathom patch existed exactly where we had to lay. We
+picked up the edge of this bank with our sounding machine, and steering
+north half a mile, laid our mines in latitude--No! on second thoughts I
+will omit the precise position, for, though I shall take every
+precaution, there is no saying that through some misfortune this
+Journal might not get into the wrong hands.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am very glad I decided to keep these notes, as I shall take much
+pleasure in reading them when Victory crowns our efforts and the joys
+of a peaceful life return.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I found it a delightful sensation being so close to the enemy coast, in
+his territorial waters, in fact. For the first time since the Skajerack
+battle I experienced the personal joys of war, the sensation of
+intimate and successful contact with the enemy, and the most hated
+enemy at that.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had hardly finished laying our eggs when a droning noise was heard.
+With marvellous celerity we dived, that damned fellow Alten, who, under
+these circumstances leaves the bridge last, treading on my fingers as
+he followed me down the conning tower ladder.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The engineer endeavoured to sympathize with me, and made some idiotic
+remark about my being quicker when I had had more practice. I bit his
+head off. I can't stand this hail-fellow-well-met attitude in these
+U.C. boats, from any lout dressed in an officer's uniform. They
+wouldn't be holding commissions if it wasn't for the war, and they
+should remember that fact. I suppose they think I'm stand-offish. Well,
+if they had my family tree behind them they would understand.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We dived to sixty feet, and then came up to twenty. Alten looked
+through the periscope, and then invited me to look. Curiosity impelled
+me to accept this favour and, putting the focussing lever to
+"skyscrape" I swept round the sky.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At last I saw him; he was a small gas-bag of diminutive size, beneath
+which was suspended a little car, the most ridiculous little travesty
+of an airship I have ever seen. He was nosing along at about 800 feet
+and making about 40 knots.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Suddenly he must have seen the wake of our periscope, for he turned
+towards us. Simultaneously Alten, from the conning tower (I was using
+the other periscope in the control room), ordered the boat to sixty
+feet, and put the helm hard over.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had turned sixteen points, [<a href="#f4">4</a>] and in about two minutes heard a
+series of reports right astern of us. It was evident that our ruse had
+succeeded and that he had overshot the mark.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f4">4.</a> 180º
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Inside the boat one felt a slight jar as each bomb went off.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We gradually came round to our proper course, and cruised all day
+submerged at dead slow speed. Every time we lifted our periscope he was
+still hanging about sufficiently close to make it foolish for us to
+come to the surface.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Towards noon a group of trawlers, doubtless summoned by wireless,
+appeared, and proceeded to wander about. These seemed to concern Alten
+far more than the airship, and he informed me that from their, to me,
+aimless movements he deduced they were hunting for us by hydroplanes.
+Occasionally we lay on the bottom in nineteen fathoms.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By 4 p.m. the atmosphere was becoming rather unpleasant and hot, and
+gradually we took off more clothes. Curiously enough, I longed for a
+smoke, but wild horses would not have made me ask Alten for permission.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 8 p.m. it was sufficiently dark to enable us to rise, which gave me
+great pleasure, though the first rush of fresh air down the hatch made
+me vomit after hours of breathing the vitiated muck. On coming to the
+surface we saw nothing in sight, but a breeze had sprung up which
+caused spray to break over the bridge as we chugged along at 9 knots.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Everyone was in high spirits, as always on the return journey, when the
+mind turns to the Fatherland and all it holds.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My mind turns to Zoe. I confess it to myself frankly. I hardly realized
+to what extent this woman had begun to influence me until we received
+the wireless signal ordering us to delay entering for twelve hours. The
+receipt of this news, trivial though the delay has been, threw a mantle
+of gloom over the crew. I participated in the depression and, upon
+thought, rather wondered that this should be so. Self-analysis on the
+lines laid down by Schessmanweil [<a href="#f5">5</a>] revealed to me that the basis of
+my annoyance is the fact that my next meeting with Zoe is deferred! I
+feel instinctively that I shall have trouble here, and that I had
+better haul off a lee shore whilst there is manoeuvring room, and
+yet--and yet I secretly rejoice that every revolution of the propeller,
+every clank and rattle of the Diesels brings us closer together.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f5">5.</a> Apparently some German author, of obscure origin, as I
+cannot find him in any book of reference.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Alten has just come down from the bridge, and we chatted for some
+moments; it is evident that he wishes to apologize for his rudeness
+over the smoking incident.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was in error, I admit it frankly; at the same time I did not know
+that the battery was on charge, and to dash a match from my hand! I
+could have shot him where he stood. However, I am not vindictive, and
+as far as I am concerned the incident is ended.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One thing I find trying in this small boat, and that is that I can find
+no space in which to do half my Müller exercises, the
+leg-and-arm-swinging ones. I must see whether I can't invent a set of
+U-boat exercises!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Good! in two hours we reach the Mole-end light buoy.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+<i>Submarine Mess, Bruges.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is midnight, and as I write in my room at the top of the house the
+low rumble of the guns from the south-west vibrates faintly through the
+open window, for it is extraordinarily warm for the time of year, and I
+have flung back the curtains and risked the light shining.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We spent the night at Zeebrugge and came up to the docks here next day.
+We shall probably be in for a week, and I am on four days' "extended
+absence from the boat," which practically means that I can go where I
+like in the neighbourhood provided I am handy to a telephone.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After a short inward struggle I rang Zoe up on the telephone;
+fortunately I did not call first.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A man's voice answered, and for a moment I was dumbfounded. I guessed
+at once it was the Colonel, and I had counted so confidently on his
+being still away at the front.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For an instant I felt speechless, an impulse came to me to ring off
+without further ado, but I restrained myself, and then a fine idea came
+into my head.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Who is that?" I said.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Colonel Stein!" replied the voice, and my fears were confirmed, but my
+plan of campaign held good.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am speaking," I continued, "on behalf of Lieutenant Von
+Schenk----"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ah, yes!" growled the voice, and for an instant a panic seized me, but
+I resumed:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"He met Madame Stein at dinner some days ago, and she kindly asked him
+to call; he has asked me to ring up and inquire when it would be
+convenient, as he would like to meet you, sir, as well. He has been
+unable to ring up himself, as he was sent away from Bruges on duty
+early this morning."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I smiled to myself at this little lie and listened.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your friend had better call to-morrow then, for I leave to-morrow
+evening for the Somme front; will you tell him?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I replied that I would, and left the telephone well satisfied, but
+cursing the fates that made it advisable to keep clear of No. 10,
+Kafelle Strasse for thirty-six hours. Needless to say next day I rang
+up again in order to tell the Colonel that Lieutenant Schenk had
+apparently been detained, as he was not yet back in Bruges, and how I
+felt sure that he would be sorry at missing the Colonel, etc., etc.,
+but all this camouflage was unnecessary, as she herself came to the
+'phone. I could have kissed the instrument when I told her of my
+stratagem and heard her silvery laughter in my ear.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is arranged that to-morrow, starting at 10.30, we motor for the day
+to the Forest of Meten, taking our lunch and tea with us--pray Heaven
+the weather holds."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To-night in the Mess it is generally considered that U.B.40 has been
+lost; she is ten days overdue and was operating off Havre, she has made
+no signal for a fortnight. Such is the price of victory and the cost of
+war--death, perhaps, in some terrible form, but bah! away with such
+thoughts, to-morrow there is love and life and Zoe!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Once more it is night, still the guns rumble on the same old dismal
+tones, and as it is raining now it must be getting bad up at the front.
+Except for the rain it might have been last night, but much has
+happened to me in the meanwhile.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To-day in the forest by Ruysslede I found that I loved Zoe, loved her
+as I have never yet loved woman, loved her with my soul and all that is
+me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The day was gloriously fine when we started, and an hour's run took us
+to the forest. We left the car at an inn and wandered down one of the
+glades.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I carried the basket and we strolled on and on until we found a
+suitable place deep in the heart of the forest.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have the sailor's love for woods, for their depths, their shadows,
+their mysteries, which are so vivid a contrast to the monotony of the
+sea, with the everlasting circle of the horizon and the half-bowl of
+the heavens above.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the forest to-day, though the leaves had turned to gold and red and
+brown, the beeches were still well covered, and overhead we were tented
+with a russet canopy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I say, at last we found a spot, or rather Zoe, who, with girlish
+pleasure in the adventure, had run ahead, called to me, and as I write
+I seem to hear the echoes of "Karl! Karl!" which rang through the wood.
+When I came up to her she proudly pointed to the place she had found.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was ideal. An outcrop of rock formed a miniature Matterhorn in the
+forest, and beneath its shelter with the old trees as silent witnesses
+we sat and joked and laughed, and made twenty attempts to light a fire.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After lunch, a little incident happened which had an enormous effect on
+me; Zoe asked me whether I would mind if she smoked.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How many women in these days would think of doing that? And yet, had
+she but known it, I am still sufficiently old-fashioned to appreciate
+the implied respect for any possible prejudices which was contained in
+her request.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After lunch, I asked her a question to which I dreaded the answer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I asked her whether, now that the old Colonel had gone to the Somme,
+whether that meant that she would be leaving Bruges.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She laughed and teasingly said: "Quien sabe, señor," but seeing my real
+anxiety on this point, she assured me that she was not leaving for the
+present. The Colonel, she said, had a strange belief that once a man
+had served on the Flanders Front, and especially on the Ypres salient,
+he always came back to die there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It appears that the Colonel has done fourteen months' service on the
+salient alone, and is firmly convinced he will end his career on that
+great burial ground. As we were talking about the Colonel I longed to
+ask her how she had met him, and perhaps find out why she lives with
+him, for I cannot believe she loves him, but I did not dare.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Strangely enough I found that a curious shyness had taken hold of me
+with regard to Zoe.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I said to myself, "Fool! you are alone with her, you long to kiss her;
+you have kissed her, first at the dinner-party, secondly when you said
+good-bye at her flat," and yet to-day it was different.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then I was kissing a pretty woman, I was on the eve of a dangerous
+life, and I was simply extracting the animal pleasures whilst I lived.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To-day it was a case of Zoe, the personality I loved; I still longed to
+kiss her, but I wanted to have the unquestioned right to kiss her, as
+much as I wanted the kisses.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I wanted to have her for my own, away from the contaminating ownership
+of the old Colonel, and I determined to get her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I think she noticed the changed attitude on my part, and perhaps she
+felt herself that a subtle change in our relationship had taken place,
+and whilst I meditated on these things she fell into a doze at my side.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was sitting slightly above her, smoking to keep the midges away, and
+as I looked down on her childish figure a great tenderness for her
+filled my mind. She is very beautiful and to me desirable above all
+women; I can see her as she lay there trustfully at my feet. I will
+describe her, and then, when I get her photograph, I will read this
+when I am far away on a trip.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She is of average height, for I am just over six feet and she reaches
+to just above my shoulder. Her hair is gloriously thick and of a deep
+black colour, and lies low on her forehead. Her complexion is of the
+purest whiteness beyond compare, which but accentuates the red warmth
+of the lips which encircle her little mouth. Her figure is slight and
+her ankles are my delight, but her crowning glories, which I have
+purposely left till last, are her eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I feel I could lose my soul; I have lost it, if I have one, in the
+violet depths of those eyes, which were veiled as she slept by the long
+black eyelashes which curled up delicately as they rested on her
+cheeks. I have re-read this description, and it is oh, so unsatisfying;
+would I had the pen of a Goethe or a Shakespeare, yet for want of more
+skill the description shall stand.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How I long for her to be mine, and yet, unfortunate that I am, I cannot
+for certain declare that she loves me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A thousand doubts arise. I torment myself with recollections of her
+behaviour at the dinner-party, when within two hours of our first
+meeting she gave me her lips.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Yet did I not first roughly kiss her as we danced?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I find consolation in the fact that, though she has said nothing, yet
+her conduct to-day was different. She was so quiet after tea as we
+wandered back through the forests with the setting sun striking golden
+beams aslant the tree trunks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Before we left I sang to her Tchaikowsky's beautiful song, "To the
+Forest," and I think she was pleased, for I may say with justice that
+my voice is of high quality for an amateur, and the song goes well
+without an accompaniment, whilst the atmosphere and surroundings were
+ideal.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was only one jarring note in a perfect day; when we returned to
+the car the chauffeur permitted himself a sardonic grin. Zoe
+unfortunately saw it and blushed scarlet.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I could have struck him on his impudent mouth, but for her sake I
+judged it advisable to notice nothing.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I feel I could go on writing about her all night, but it is nearly 2
+a.m. I must get some sleep.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The guns rumble steadily in the south-west, and the sky is lit by their
+flashes; may the fighting on the Somme be bloody these coming days.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+[<i>Probably about ten days later.--Etienne.</i>]
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We leave to-night, having had a longer spell than usual. I am in a
+distracted state of mind. Since our glorious day in the forest I have
+seen her nearly every afternoon, though twice that swine Alten has kept
+me in the boat in connection with some replacements of the battery.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have found out that, like me, she is intensely musical. She plays
+beautifully on the piano, and we had long hours together playing Chopin
+and Beethoven; we also played some of Moussorgsky's duets, but I love
+her best when she plays Chopin, the composer pre-eminent of love and
+passion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She has masses of music, as the Colonel gives her what she likes. We
+also played a lot of Debussy. At first I demurred at playing a living
+French composer's works, but she pouted and looked so adorable that all
+my scruples vanished in an instant, so we closed all the doors and she
+played it for hours very softly whilst I forgot the war and all its
+horrors and remembered only that I was with the well-beloved girl.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Colonel writes from Thiepval, where the British are pouring out
+their blood like water. He writes very interesting letters, and has had
+many narrow escapes, but unfortunately he seems to bear a charmed life.
+His letters are full of details, and I wonder he gets them past the
+Field Censorship, but I suppose he censors his own.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She laughs at them and calls them her Colonel's dispatches; she says he
+is so accustomed to writing official reports that the poor old man
+can't write an ordinary letter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I told her that I thought the way he mentioned regiments and
+dispositions rather indiscreet, and she agrees, but she says he has
+asked her to keep them, with a view to forming a collection of letters
+written from the front whilst the incidents he describes are vivid in
+his mind. I suppose the old ass knows his own business, and one day the
+collection may be completed by a telegram "Regretting to announce, etc.
+etc." The sooner the better.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So the days passed pleasantly enough, and never by a gesture or word of
+mouth did she show that I was more to her than any other pleasant young
+man.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I kissed her when I arrived, I kissed her when I left, each day was the
+same. She would put her arms round my neck and look long and deeply
+into my eyes, then she would gently kiss my lips. Not an atom of
+emotion! not a spark from the fires which I feel must be raging beneath
+that diabolically [<a href="#f6">6</a>] extraordinary [<a href="#f6">6</a>] amazingly calm exterior.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f6">6.</a> These words are crossed out.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On ordinary subjects she would chatter vivaciously enough and she can
+talk in a fascinating manner on every subject I care to bring up, but
+as soon as I drew the conversation round to a personal line she
+gradually became more silent and a far-away and distant look came into
+those wonderful eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have found out nothing about her beyond the fact that she has
+travelled all over Europe. I don't even know how old she is, but I
+should guess twenty-six.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I tried to find out a few details by means of discreet remarks at the
+Club and elsewhere.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She simply arrived here about a year ago--as a singer, and met the
+Colonel--beyond that, all is mystery. Everything about her attracts me
+powerfully, and this mystery adds subtleties to her charms.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This afternoon I went to say good-bye; I told her we were leaving
+"shortly," and she gently reproved me for disobeying the order which
+forbids discussion of movements, but I could see she was not greatly
+displeased.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After tea she played to me, music of the modern Russian
+school--Arensky, Sibelius and Pilsuki; a storm was brewing and we both
+felt sad.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She played for an hour or so, and then came and sat by me on a low
+divan by the fire. We were silent for a long while in the gathering
+gloom, whilst a thousand thoughts chased each other swiftly through my
+brain, as I endeavoured to summon up courage to say what I had
+determined I must say before I left her, perhaps for ever.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At last, when only her profile was visible against the glow of the
+logs, I spoke.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I told her quietly, calmly and almost dispassionately that I had grown
+to love her and that to me she was life itself. I told her that I had
+tried not to speak until I could endure no longer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She sat very still as I spoke, and when I had finished there was a long
+silence and I gently stretched out my hand and stroked her lovely black
+hair. At last she rose and with averted face walked across the room,
+and stood looking at the storm through the big bow windows. I watched
+her, but did not dare follow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At length she returned to me, and I saw what I had instinctively known
+the whole time--that she had been crying. I could not think why.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She put her arms round my neck, kissed me on the forehead and murmured,
+"Poor Karl."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I felt crushed; I dared not move for fear of breaking the magic of the
+moment, yet I longed to know more; I felt overwhelmed by some colossal
+mystery that seemed to be enveloping me in its folds. Why did she pity
+me? Why did she weep? Why didn't she answer my avowal? Why didn't she
+tell me something? Such were some of the problems that perplexed me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was thus when the clock chimed seven. I told her that my leave was
+up at seven o'clock, and that at 7.15 I had to be back on board the
+boat. She remembered this, and in an instant the past quarter of an
+hour might never have existed. She was all agitation and nervousness
+lest I should be late on board--though at the moment I would have
+cheerfully missed the boat to hear her say she loved me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I tried to protest, but in vain. With feminine quickness she utilized
+the incident to avoid a situation she evidently found full of
+difficulty, and at 7.10, with the memory of a light kiss on my lips and
+her God-speed in my ears I was in a taxi driving to the docks in a
+blinding rain-storm--and we sail to-night.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For five, six, seven, perhaps ten days at the least, and at the most
+for ever, I am doomed to be away from her and without news of her. And
+I don't even know whether she loves me!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I think I can say she cares for me up to a certain point, but I want
+more.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+&nbsp;&nbsp;"Oh Zoe! of the violet eyes,<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;And hair of blackest night<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;Thy lips are brightest crimson,<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;Thy skin is dazzling white.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+&nbsp;&nbsp;"Oh! lay your head upon my breast,<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;And lift your lips to mine;<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;Then murmur in soft breathings,<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;Drink deep from what is thine.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+&nbsp;&nbsp;"Then let the war rage onward,<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;Let kingdoms rise and fall;<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;To each shall be the other,<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;Their life, their hope, their all." [<a href="#f7">7</a>]
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f7">7.</a> I am indebted to Commander C. C. for the above rough
+translation of Karl's effusion.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>At sea.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are bound for the same old spot as last time.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Alten must have been drinking like a fish lately; his breath smells
+like a distillery; he is apparently partial to schnapps, which he gets
+easily in Bruges.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I can't help admiring the man, as he is a rigid teetotaller at sea,
+though he must find the strain well nigh intolerable, judging from the
+condition he was in when he came on board last night. He was really
+totally unfit to take charge of the boat, and I virtually took her down
+the canal, though with sottish obstinacy he insisted on remaining on
+the bridge.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This morning, though his complexion was a hideous yellow colour, he
+seems quite all right. I shall play a little trick on him at dinner
+to-night.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have begun to get to know some of the crew by now; they are a fine
+lot of youngsters with a seasoning of half a dozen older men. The
+coxswain, Schmitt by name, is a splendid old petty officer who has been
+in the U-boat service since 1911.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+His favourite enjoyment is to spin yarns to the younger members of the
+crew, who know of his weakness and play up to it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He has a favourite expression which runs thus:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"His Majesty the Kaiser said Germany's future lies on the sea; I say
+Germany's future lies under the sea."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He is inordinately fond of this statement, and the youngsters
+continually say: "What made you take to U-boat work, Schmitt?" and the
+invariable reply is as above. When he has been asked the question about
+half a dozen times in the course of a day, he is liable to become
+suspicious, and if his questioner is within range Schmitt stares at him
+for a few seconds in an absent-minded way, then an arm like that of a
+gorilla shoots out, and the quizzer (<i>Untersucher</i>) receives a
+resounding box on the ears to the huge delight of his companions. The
+old man then permits his iron-lipped mouth to relax into a caustic
+smile, after which he is left in peace for some time.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At the wheel he is an artist, for he seems to divine what the next
+order is going to be, or if he is steering her on a course he predicts
+the direction of the next wave even as a skilful chess player works out
+the moves ahead.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I am rather weary and ought to go to bed, but before I lose the savour
+I must record the splendid fun I had with Alten at dinner.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were dining alone, as the navigator was on the bridge, and the
+engineer was busy with a slight leak in the cooking water service. I
+have said that, though a heavy drinker by nature, Alten is a strict
+abstainer at sea. Accordingly I produced a small flask of rum, half-way
+through dinner, and helped myself to a liberal tot, placing the liquor
+between us on the table. As the sight met his eyes and the aroma
+greeted his nostrils, a gleam of joy flashed across his face, to be
+succeeded by a frown.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With an amiable smile I proffered the flask to him, remarking at the
+same time: "You don't drink at sea, do you?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In a thick voice he muttered, "No! Yes--no! thank you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With an air of having noticed nothing, I resumed my meal, but out of
+the corner of my eye I watched his left hand on the table near the
+flask. It was most interesting, all the veins stood out like ropes, and
+his knuckles almost burst through the skin.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This went on for about thirty seconds, when he choked out something
+about needing a breath of fresh air. As he got up his face was brick
+red, and I almost thought he'd have a fit.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Whether by accident or design he pulled the cloth as he got out from
+between the settee and the table and upset the flask.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He was apparently incapable of apologizing, for he rushed up on deck.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A few minutes later the navigating officer came down and asked what was
+up?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I said: "What do you mean?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He said: "Well, the Captain came up just now, swearing like a trooper,
+and told me to get to the devil out of it; it didn't seem advisable to
+question him, so I got out of it and came down."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I expressed my opinion that the Captain must be feeling sea-sick and
+was ashamed to say so. I also suggested to the navigator that he should
+take the Captain a little brandy in case he was not feeling well, but
+the navigator declared he was going to stay down in the warmth till he
+was sent for. Alten is a great coarse brute. Fancy allowing a material
+substance such as alcohol to grip one's mentality.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Thank Heaven I have nerves of iron; nothing would affect me!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And now to bed, though I must just read my account of our day in the
+forest. Darling girl, may I dream of thee.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We laid our mines without trouble at 5 a.m. this morning, though at
+midnight we had a most unpleasant experience.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was asleep, as it was my morning watch, when I was awakened by the
+harsh rattle of the diving alarms.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Diesel subsided with a few spasmodic coughs into silence, and as I
+jumped out of my bunk and groped for my short sea boots, the navigator
+and helmsman came tumbling down the conning tower, with the navigator
+shouting, "Take her down," as hard as you like.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The men at the planes had them "hard-to-dive" in an instant.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The vents had been opened as the hooters sounded, and Alten, who had
+jumped into the control room, immediately rang down, "All out on the
+electric motors."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In thirty seconds from the original alarm we were at an angle of twenty
+degrees down by the bow, and I had sat down heavily on the battery
+boards, completely surprised by the sudden tilt of the deck.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It occurred to me that the air was escaping through the vents with a
+strangely loud noise, but before I could consider the matter further or
+even inquire the reason for this sudden dive, the noise increased to a
+terrifying extent, and whilst I prepared myself for the worst it
+culminated into a roar as of fifty express trains going through a
+tunnel, mingled with the noise of a high-powered aeroplane engine.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The roar drummed and beat and shook the boat, then died away as
+suddenly as it came; a moment later there was a severe jar. We had
+struck the bottom, still maintaining our angle.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I painfully got to my feet and then discovered from the navigator that
+he had suddenly seen two white patches of foam 800 yards on the
+starboard bow, which resolved themselves into the bow waves of a
+destroyer approaching at full speed to ram.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had dived just in time, and her knife-edged bow, driven by 30,000
+horse power, had slid through the water a very few feet above our
+conning tower.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Luckily he had not dropped any depth charges. We were not, however,
+completely free of our troubles, though we had cheated the destroyer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Examination of the chart, showed the bottom to be mud, and on
+attempting to move the foremost hydroplanes, the plane motor fuses blew
+out. This showed that the boat was buried in the mud right up to her
+foremost planes, which were immovable.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The hydrophone watchkeeper reported that he could still hear
+fast-running propellers, though probably some distance away, and as
+this showed that our old enemy was still nosing about we were very
+anxious not to break surface. We just blew "A." [<a href="#f8">8</a>] At least we started
+to blow "A," but Alten wisely decided that, as it was a calm night with
+a half-moon, the bubbles on the surface might be rather conspicuous, so
+we stopped the blow and put the pump on. We also flooded "W". [<a href="#f9">9</a>] This
+had no effect on her at all.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f8">8.</a> Probably their foremost internal tank.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f9">9.</a> Presumably their after internal tank.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We then pumped out "Q" and "P," leaving "W" full, and adjusted our trim
+to give her only three tons negative buoyancy, just enough to keep us
+on the bottom if she came out of the mud.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In this position we went full speed astern on the motors, 1,500 amps on
+each, and all the crew in the after-compartment. No result. We then
+pumped the outer diving tanks on the port side to give her a list to
+starboard. Still she remained fixed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So at 2 a.m. we decided to risk it and we put a slow blow on all tanks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When she had about fifty tons positive buoyancy she suddenly bucketed
+up, and, as the motors were running full speed astern at the time, we
+came up and broke surface stern first. In a few seconds we were trimmed
+down again, and as a precautionary measure we proceeded for a couple of
+miles at twenty metres, when, coming up to periscope depth, we
+surfaced, and finding all clear we proceeded. We were put down by a
+trawler at dawn, though she never saw us. After half an hour's hanging
+about she moved off, which was lucky, as she was right on our billet.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are now proceeding to a spot somewhat to the eastward of Cape St.
+Abbs, [<a href="#f10">10</a>] as we have instructions to do a two-days patrol here and sink
+shipping.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f10">10.</a> St. Abbs Head.--ETIENNE
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We ought to start business to-morrow morning.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We should be in to-night, then for my little Zoe!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I must record what we have done. Already I am getting much pleasure
+from reading my diary. Strange how it amuses one to see little bits of
+oneself on paper, and the less garnished and franker the truths the
+more entertaining it is.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/083a.jpg"><img src="images/083ath.jpg" alt="The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of the steamer and had then dived under her"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/083b.jpg"><img src="images/083bth.jpg" alt="We were put down by a trawler at dawn"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/084.jpg"><img src="images/084th.jpg" alt="A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck the bottom"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The hours here are so long and boring at times that I feel I want to
+talk intimately with someone. Failing Zoe I turn to my notebooks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The first steamer we sighted raised high hopes, at least her smoke did,
+for we saw enough smoke on the horizon to make us think we were to see
+the Grand Fleet, and we promptly dived. We cruised towards her for
+about half an hour, and then hung about where we were, as we found that
+her course would take the ship close to us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As the situation developed, Alten, who was up in the conning tower at
+the "A" periscope, gave us a certain amount of information, and we
+gathered that all this smoke was pouring out of the pipe-stem tunnel of
+a wretched little English tramp.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I found it most irritating, standing in the control room (my action
+station) and not knowing what was going on.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There is only one good job in a submarine and that is the Captain's. He
+knows and decides everything. The rest of us are in his hands and take
+things on trust. I object on principle to my life being held in Alten's
+hands. It is all very well for the crew, for, to start with, they have
+no imagination, and to most of them their mental horizon stops at the
+walls of the boat. Secondly, they have the consolation of mechanical
+activities; they make and break switches and open and close
+valves--they work with their hands. An officer has imagination, and
+only works with his head.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As we attacked the steamer, all one heard was murmurs from Alten, such
+as: "Raise!" "Lower!" "Take her down to ten metres!" "Half speed!"
+"Slow!" "Bring her up to five metres!" "Raise!" "Lower!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I endeavoured to simulate an air of unconcern which I was far from
+feeling.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Not that I was a prey to physical fear; I flatter myself it is so far
+unknown to me, and there was no great danger, but simply that I longed
+to know what was happening. At length I heard the welcome order:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Starboard tube. Stand by!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Which was followed almost immediately by the order: "Fire!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was a kind of coughing grunt, and the starboard torpedo proceeded
+on its errand of destruction.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Every ear was strained for the sound of the explosion, but all we were
+vouchsafed was a torrent of blasphemy from Alten.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of
+the steamer, and had then evidently dived under the ship; so I gathered
+later when Alten had calmed down somewhat. We were about to surface and
+give her the gun, when luckily Alten took a good sweep round with the
+skyscraper and discovered one of those wretched little airships about a
+mile away, coming towards the steamer, which was wailing piteously, on
+her syren.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As the chart showed forty metres we decided to bottom and have lunch.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Over lunch we discussed the misadventure. Alten was loud in his curses
+of Tanzerman (the torpedo lieutenant at Bruges), from whom he had got
+the torpedo in guaranteed good condition only forty-eight hours before
+we sailed. He launched forth into a tirade against the torpedo staff at
+Bruges, and, warming to his subject, he roundly abused the whole of the
+depot personnel, whom he stigmatized as a set of hard-drinking,
+shore-loafing ruffians, who were incapable of realizing that they
+existed for the benefit of the boats' personnel and "material."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I naturally disagreed, and did so the more readily that I
+conscientiously disagree with him. I find that there is a tendency on
+the part of some of these submarine officers, who have been U-boating a
+long time, to get into narrow grooves. Most reserve officers are not
+like this, as they have only been in during the war. Alten is an
+exception; he left the Hamburg-Amerika on two years' half pay in 1912,
+and was, of course, kept on in 1914. After all, the depot staff are
+Germans, and as such labour for the Fatherland, and though their work
+in office and workship is not so dangerous as ours, on the other hand
+they have not got the stimulation before their eyes, of glory to be
+gained. Personally I am of the opinion that the torpedo broke surface
+because, being fired from the outside tubes, it probably started too
+shallow, dived deep, recovered shallow and dived deep, broke surface
+and dived very deep. A sticky motor or sluggish weight would give this
+effect.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And are these external tubes water-tight? Theoretically, yes, but what
+of practice? We have been down to forty metres several times during
+this trip, and not once have we had a chance on the surface of getting
+at the two external tubes; add to which our depth gear, with the pivots
+of the weight exposed to water if the tube does flood and then you have
+rust, corrosion and heaven knows what complications.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I saw a British Mark 11.50 torpedo at the torpedo shop at Bruges the
+other day, and I was much struck with their deep depth gear, which is
+of the unrestrained Uhlan type, i.e., weight and valve interdependent.
+But then the main feature is that the whole gear is contained in a
+separate water-tight chamber.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our system is certainly a great saving in space, and is much neater in
+design, whilst I prefer the Uhlan principle of valve conjuncting with
+weight, but it would be interesting to know whether the British have
+much trouble with the depth-keeping of their torpedo.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have written quite a disquisition on depth gears; I must get on with
+my record of events.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After lunch we had a good look round, but the small airship was still
+
+hanging about, flying slowly in large circles.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were rather surprised to meet one of these despicable little
+sausages or "Zeppelin's Spawn," as the navigator calls them, so far
+from land, and at dark we surfaced and proceeded on one engine on an
+easterly course, charging the battery right up with the other engine.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Dawn revealed a blank horizon, not a vestige of mast, funnel or smoke
+in sight.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We ambled along in fine though cold weather, and I took advantage of
+the peacefulness of everything to do a really good series of Müller on
+the upper deck, stripped to the waist, and allowed the keen air to play
+its invigorating currents on my torso.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Alten silently watched me from the conning tower, with a sneering
+expression on his face. The navigator, who is quite a decent youngster,
+though of no family, was, I could plainly see, struck by my
+development, and asked to be initiated into the series of exercises. I
+agreed willingly enough to show them to him. I will confess I wish Zoe
+could have seen me as I perspired with healthy exercise.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At about 11 a.m. a couple of masts, then two more, then another,
+appeared above the horizon. The visibility was extreme, so we at once
+dived and proceeded at full speed, ten metres.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had been going thus for perhaps half an hour when Alten remarked
+that he would have another look at the convoy. We eased speed, came up
+to six metres, and Alten proceeded up into the conning tower to use "A"
+periscope.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He had hardly applied his eye to the lens when he sharply ordered the
+boat to ten metres, accompanying this order with another to the motor
+room demanding utmost speed (<i>Ausserste Kraft</i>). I went up to the
+conning tower and found him white with excitement.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Look!" he exclaimed, pointing to the periscope, entirely forgetful of
+the fact that we were at ten metres. I looked, and of course saw
+nothing; furious at the trick I considered he had played on me I turned
+on him, to be disarmed by his apology.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Sorry! I forgot! The whole British battle cruiser force is there."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was now my turn to be excited, and I rushed down to the motor room
+determined to give her every amp she would take. The port foremost
+motor was sparking like the devil, rings of cursed sparks shooting
+round the commutator, but this was no time for ceremony. I relentlessly
+ordered the field current to be still further reduced.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were actually running with an F.C. of 3.75 amps, [<a href="#f11">11</a>] for a period,
+when the sparking assumed the appearance of a ring of fire and, fearing
+a commutator strip would melt, I ordered an F.C. of five amps.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f11">11.</a> The lower the field current the faster the motor goes.
+3.75 is almost incredibly low for a motor of this type--at least
+according to British practice.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We thus passed a quarter of an hour full of strain, the tension of
+which was reflected in the attitude of all the men. Alten had announced
+his intention of using the stern torpedo tube after his failure in the
+morning, and the crew of this tube were crouched at their stations like
+a gun's crew in the last few seconds preparatory to opening fire. The
+switchboard attendants gripped the regulating rheostatts as if by their
+personal efforts they could urge the boat on faster. Old Schmitt, at
+the helm, never lifted his eyes from the compass repeater.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At length: "Slow both!" "Bring her to six metres!" came from the
+conning tower, to which place I proceeded to hear the news.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Slowly the periscope was raised and I held my breath; a groan came from
+Alten and he turned away. For a fraction of a second I was almost
+pleased at his obvious pain, then, sick with disappointment, I took his
+place.
+
+Yes! it was all over. There they were, and with hungry eyes and
+depressed heart I saw five great battle cruisers, of which I recognized
+the <i>Tiger</i> with her three great funnels, the <i>Princess Royal</i>, <i>Lion</i>
+and two others, zigzagging along at 25 knots, at a distance of 12,000
+metres, across our bow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They were surrounded by a numerous screen of destroyers and light
+cruisers, the former at that range through the periscope appearing as
+black smudges.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is not often one is permitted such a spectacle in modern war, and I
+could not tear myself away from the sight of those great brutes, whom I
+had fought when in the <i>Derflingger</i> at Dogger Bank and again when in
+the <i>König</i> at Jutland. So near and yet so far, and as they rapidly
+drew away so did all the visions of an Iron Cross. As soon as they were
+out of sight, we surfaced in order to report what we had seen to
+Zeebrugge and Heligoland.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Everything seemed against us. I had gone on the bridge with the
+navigator; Alten, with a face as black as hell, had gone to the
+wardroom. About ten minutes elapsed when I heard a fearful altercation
+going on below. I stepped down to find the young wireless operator
+trembling in front of Alten, who was overwhelming him with a flood of
+abuse. As I reached the wardroom, Alten shook his fist in the man's
+face and bellowed:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Make the d---- thing work, I tell you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Impossible, Captain, the main condenser----" the man began.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Purple with rage, Alten seized a heavy pair of parallel rulers, and
+before I could check him hurled them full in the operator's face.
+Bleeding copiously, the youth fell to the deck in a stunned condition.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was then, for the first time, that I noticed a half-empty bottle of
+spirits on the table, which colossal quantity he must have consumed in
+about a quarter of an hour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Turning to me, this semi-madman pointed to the wireless operator with
+his foot and growled:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Have him removed."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This I did, and then, lowering the periscope, I ordered the boat to
+fifteen metres. We proceeded at this depth until 8 p.m., when I was
+informed that the Captain was in his bunk and wished to see me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I discovered him with his face to the ship's side, and upon my
+reporting myself he ordered me, firstly to throw that blasted bottle
+overboard (an unnecessary proceeding, as it was empty), and secondly to
+surface and shape course for Zeebrugge.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At midnight he relieved me, apparently perfectly normal.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The wireless operator has been laid up all day and has a nasty cut on
+the head. The navigator, a great scandal-monger, has heard from the
+engineer that Alten was speaking to him alone this morning, and the
+engineer believes that Alten has given him five hundred marks to say he
+fell down a hatch.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Hooray! Blankenberg buoy has just been reported in sight! Soon I shall
+see my Zoe!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+With what high hopes did I write the last few lines a few hours ago,
+and how they were dashed to the ground, for on going into the Mess at
+Bruges I found amongst my letters a note from her, which was terrible
+in its brevity. She simply said:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"DEAR KARL,
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am going away for some days, and as I shall be travelling it is no
+good giving you an address. To our next meeting!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"ZOE."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How horribly vague; not an indication of her destination, her object,
+or the probable length of her absence. Of course I rushed round to the
+flat, but found the place shut up. The porter told me she had gone away
+with her maid. He couldn't say when she'd be back--if at all! I gave
+him ten marks, and he said she might be away a fortnight. If I'd given
+him twenty he'd have said a week; he obviously didn't know.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I feel I could do anything to-night; any mad, evil thing would appeal
+to me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There is a most fearful uproar coming from the guest-room, where a
+large and rowdy party are entertaining the chorus of a travelling
+<i>revue</i> company. I saw them when they arrived, horribly common-looking
+women, with legs like mine tubes.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Another day and still no news; I don't know how I shall stick it. She
+might have had the softness of heart to write to me. She knows my
+address.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This evening a letter from the little mother, who asks whether I can
+find time to go to Frankfurt when I have leave; at the end of the
+letter she mentions that Rosa has joined the Women's Voluntary
+Auxiliary Corps of Army Nurses. I suppose she thought she'd like her
+photograph taken in some fancy uniform as "Rosa Freinland, one of our
+Frankfurt beauties, now on war work!" Holding the patient's hand is
+about the only work she intends doing.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Women as a class are the same the world over. We are well supplied with
+English papers in the Mess here; they come regularly from Amsterdam,
+and in their pages I see, just as in ours, pictures of the Countess
+this and the Lord that, photographed in becoming attitudes doing war
+work. It seems agricultural pursuits are the fashion in England at
+present--wait till our U-boat war gets its knife well into their fat
+guts, it will be more than fashionable to work in the fields then.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The British Empire is undeniably a great creation, or rather not so
+much a creation as a thing arrived at accidentally, but it lacks
+solidarity. It sprawls, a confused mass of races and creeds, around the
+world. Its very immensity lays it open to attack, it has a dozen
+Achilles heels from Ireland to Egypt and South Africa to India.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I met a man only yesterday who was recently at the propaganda
+department of the Foreign Office, and without going into details he
+gave me a very good idea of the good work that is going on in Britain's
+canker spots.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Ireland is considered particularly promising to those in the know.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Now for an agitated night! To think that a girl should disturb me so!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Two days have passed, or, rather, dragged their interminable lengths
+away, for there is still not a vestige of news. I have been twice to
+the flat with no result, except to receive a piece of impertinence from
+the porter the last time I was there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No news.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Still no news, and we sail in forty-eight hours.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>At sea, off the Isle of Wight</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is some days since I turned for solace and enjoyment, amidst the
+discomforts of this life, to my pen and notebook.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+What strange tricks fate plays with us, and how lucky it is that one
+cannot foresee the future.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here I am in U.39--but I must start at the beginning. My last entry was
+the depressing one of still no news. Well, I have had news, but it was
+like a drop of water in the mouth of a parched-up man. Another
+agonizing twenty-four hours passed, and I was sitting in my room about
+ten o'clock, trying to resign myself to the idea that the next night I
+should be starting out for my third trip without news of her, when the
+telephone bell rang. I lifted the receiver and to my amazed joy heard a
+voice that I could have recognized in a thousand. It was Zoe!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was quite incapable of any remark, and my confusion was further
+increased when, after a few "Hello's," which I idiotically repeated,
+her clear, level tones said: "Is that you, Karl? How are you?" How was
+I? What a question to ask! I wanted to tell her that I was bubbling
+with joy, that a thousand-kilogramme load had been lifted from my
+chest, that my blood was coursing through my veins, that I, usually so
+cool, was trembling with excitement, that I could have kissed the
+mouthpiece of the humble instrument that linked us together. Yet I was
+quite incapable of answering her simple question! I can't imagine what
+I expected her to say, for upon reflection her remark was a very
+ordinary one, and indeed under the circumstances quite natural, but, as
+I say, in actual fact I was tongue-tied.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I suppose I must have said something, for I next remember her saying:
+"Well, you might ask how I am;" and to my horror I realized that she
+thought I was being rude!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My abject apologies were cut short by her tantalizing laugh, and I
+understood that the adorable one was teasing me. When at length I made
+myself believe that I really was talking to this most elusive and
+delightful woman I wasted no time in suggesting that, late though it
+was, I might be permitted to go round and see her. She would not permit
+this, as she said it would create grave scandal, and the Colonel might
+hear about it upon his return. I pleaded hard and urged my departure in
+twenty-four hours.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She was firm and reproved me for discussing movements over the
+telephone. She was right; I was a fool to do so; but Zoe destroys all
+my caution. However, she said that I might lunch with her next day, and
+that she had some new music to play to me. I ventured to ask where she
+had been, but this question was plainly unpleasing to my lady, so I
+dropped the subject. I blew her a goodnight kiss over the telephone, to
+which I think I caught an answer, and then she rang off.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Ten minutes had not elapsed, when a messenger entered and informed me
+that I was wanted at the Commodore's office at once.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A strange feeling of uneasiness and that of impending misfortune
+overcame me. I felt like a naughty school-boy about to interview the
+headmaster.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I followed the messenger into the Commodore's office, and found myself
+alone with the great man. He was seated at a huge roll-top desk, which
+was the only article of furniture in a room which was to all intents
+and purposes papered with large scale charts of the east and south
+coasts of England and of the Channel and North Sea.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Commodore was sealing an envelope as I came in; he looked up and
+saw me, then, without taking any further notice of me, he resumed his
+business with the envelope. I felt that I was in the presence of a
+personality, and I was, for "Old Man Max" is one of the ten men who
+count in the Naval Administration. He had a reading lamp on his desk,
+and I remember noticing that the light shining through its green shade
+imparted a yellow parchment-like effect to the top of his old bald
+head. With dainty care he finished sealing the envelope, then, picking
+up a telephone transmitter, he snapped "Admiralty!" In about a minute
+he was connected, and to my astonishment I realized that he was talking
+to the duty captain of the operations department in Berlin.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+His words chilled my heart, for he said: "Commodore speaking! U.39
+sails at 2 a.m. for operation F.Q.H.--Repeat."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+His words were apparently repeated to his satisfaction, for while I was
+vainly endeavouring to convince myself that I was unconnected with the
+sailing of U.39, he banged the receiver into place (Old Man Max does
+everything in bangs) and snapped at me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You Lieutenant Von Schenk?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I admitted I was, and then heard this disgusting news.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Kranz, 1st Lieutenant U.39, reported suddenly ill, Zeebrugge,
+poisoning--you relieve him. Ship sails in one hour forty minutes from
+now--my car leaves here in forty minutes and takes you to Zeebrugge.
+Here are operation orders--inform Von Weissman he acknowledges receipt
+direct to me on 'phone. That's all."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He handed me the envelope and I suppose I walked outside--at least I
+found myself in the corridor turning the confounded envelope round and
+round. For one mad moment I felt like rushing in and saying: "But, sir,
+you don't understand I'm lunching with Zoe to-morrow!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then the mental picture which this idea conjured up made me shake with
+suppressed laughter and I remembered that war was war and that I had
+only thirty-five minutes in which to collect such gear as I had
+handy--most of my sea things being in U.C.47--and say goodbye to Zoe.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I ran to my room and made the corridors echo with shouts for my
+faithful Adolf. The excellent man was soon on the scene, and whilst he
+stuffed underclothing, towels and other necessary gear into a bag he
+had purloined from someone's room, I rang up Zoe. I wasted ten minutes
+getting through, but at last I heard a deliciously sleepy voice murmur,
+"Who's that?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I told her, and added that I was off; to my secret joy, an intensely
+disappointed and long-drawn "Oooh!" came over the wire. So she does
+care a bit, I thought. Mad ideas of pretending to be suddenly ill
+crossed my mind--anything to gain twenty-four hours--but the Fatherland
+is above all such considerations, and after some pleasant talk and many
+wishes of good luck from the darling girl, with a heavy heart I bade
+her good-night.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Old Man's car, which is a sixty horse-power Benz, was waiting at
+the Mess entrance, and once clear of the sentries we raced down the
+flat, well-metalled road to Zeebrugge in a very short time. The guard
+at Bruges barrier had 'phoned us through to the Zeebrugge fortified
+zone, and we were admitted without delay. In three-quarters of an hour
+from my interview with old Max I was scrambling across a row of U-boats
+to reach my new ship, U.39.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I went down the after hatch, reported myself to Von Weissman and
+delivered his orders to him, of which he acknowledged receipt direct to
+the Commodore according to instructions. Von Weissman is a very
+different stamp of man to Alten; of medium height, he has
+sandy-coloured hair, steel-grey eyes and a protruding jaw. He is what
+he looks, a fine North Prussian, and is, of course, of excellent
+family, as the Weissmans have been settled in Grinetz for a long
+period.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He struck me as being about thirty years of age, and on his heart he
+wore the Cross of the second class. I have heard of him before as being
+well in the running towards an <i>ordre pour le mérite</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+An interesting chart is hanging in the wardroom, on which is marked the
+last resting-place of every ship he has sunk. He puts a coloured dot,
+the tint of which varies with the tonnage, black up to 2,000, blue from
+2,000-5,000, brown 5,000-8,000, green 8,000-11,000, and a red spot with
+the ship's name for anything over 11,000. He has got about 120,000 tons
+at present. He opposes the Arnauld de la Perrière school of thought,
+which pins faith on the gun, and Weissman has done nearly all his work
+with the good old torpedo.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Altogether, undoubtedly a man to serve with.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The U.39 was in that buzzing and semi-active condition which to a
+trained eye is a sure indication that the ship is about to sail.
+Punctually at five minutes to 2 a.m. Weissman went to the bridge, and
+at 2 a.m. the wires were slipped and we started on a ten days' trip. As
+the dim lights on the mole disappeared and the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam my mind travelled overland to the flat at Bruges, and I
+wondered whether Zoe was lying awake listening to the ceaseless rumble
+of the Flanders cannon. We went on at full speed, as it was our
+intention to pass the Dover Straits before dawn. Though our
+intelligence bureau issues the most alarming reports as to the
+frightfulness of the defences here I was agreeably surprised at the
+ease with which we passed. Von Weissman, to whom I had hinted that we
+might find the passage tricky, rather laughed at my suggestion, and
+described to me his method, which, at all events, has the merit of
+simplicity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He always goes through with the tide, so as to take as short a time as
+possible, and he always decides on a course and steers it as closely as
+possible, keeping to the surface unless he sights anything, and diving
+as soon as anything shows up. Even if he dives he goes on as fast as
+possible on his course, irrespective of whether he is being bombed or
+not.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I must say it worked very well last night. We shaped a course to pass
+five miles west of Gris Nez, and when that light, which for some reason
+the French had commodiously lit that night, was abeam, we sighted a
+black object, probably a trawler or destroyer, about half a dozen miles
+away right ahead. Weissman immediately dived and, without deviating a
+degree from his course, held on at three-quarters speed on the motors.
+Some time later the hydrophone watchkeeper reported the sound of
+propellers in his listeners, and that he judged them to be close at
+hand, so I imagine we passed very nearly directly underneath whatever
+it was.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After an hour's submerging we rose, and found dawn breaking over a
+leaden and choppy sea. Nothing being in sight, we continued on the
+surface for an hour, charging batteries with the starboard engine (500
+amps on each), but at 9 a.m., the clouds lying low and an aerial patrol
+being frequent hereabouts, we dived and cruised steadily down channel
+at slow speed, keeping periscope depth.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Several times in the course of the forenoon we sighted small destroyers
+and convoy craft [<a href="#f12">12</a>] in the distance, all steering westerly. They were
+probably returning from escorting troopships over to France last night.
+In every case we went to sixty feet long before they could have seen
+our "stick." [<a href="#f13">13</a>] Weissman is evidently as cautious in this matter as he
+is hardy in others; the more I see of him the more I like him; he is a
+man of breeding, and it is of value to serve in this boat.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f12">12.</a> Probably "P" boats.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f13">13.</a> Periscope.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I write we are on the surface about ten miles east of the Isle of
+Wight, still steering down channel. To-night at midnight we report our
+position to Zeebrugge, up till now we have maintained wireless silence
+for fear of the British and French directional stations picking up our
+signals and fixing our position.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After supper this evening Von Weissman explained to me the general plan
+of our operations for the next eight days. Our cruising billet is about
+150 miles south-west of the Scillys, at the focal point where trade for
+Liverpool and Bristol and the up-channel trade diverges. Von Weissman
+says that this is a plum billet and we should do well.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I feel this is going to be better than those piffling little
+mine-laying trips, and though we shall be away ten days, it will
+qualify me for four days' leave in Belgium.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+There was nearly an awkward moment last night, or, rather, there was an
+awkward moment, and nearly an awkward accident. I relieved the
+navigator at midnight (the pilot is an unassuming individual called
+Siegel) and took on the middle watch. It was blowing about force 4 from
+the south-west, and a nasty short, lumpy sea was running which caught
+us just on the port bow. About once every ten seconds she missed her
+step with the waves and, dipping her nose into it, shovelled up tons of
+water, which, as the bow lifted, raced aft and, breaking against the
+gun, flung itself in clouds of spray against the bridge. In a very few
+minutes every exposed portion of me was streaming with water.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At about 2 a.m. I had turned my back to the sea for a moment, and my
+thoughts were for an instant in Bruges, when, on facing forward once
+again I saw a sight which effectually brought me back to earth.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This was the spectacle of two black shapes, evidently steamers, one on
+either bow, distant, I should estimate, 600 or 700 metres. I had to
+make a quick decision, and I decided that to fire a torpedo in that sea
+with any hope of a hit, especially with the boat on surface, was
+useless; furthermore, that at any moment either of the steamers might
+sight us from their high bridge and turn and ram.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These thoughts were the work of an instant, and I at once rang the
+diving bell, and, pushing the look-out before me, in five seconds I was
+in the conning tower and had the hatch down. I at once proceeded down
+into the boat, and the first thing that struck my eye was the diving
+gauge with the needle practically stationary at two metres.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The boat was not going down properly! and for an instant I was rudely
+shaken, until a cool voice from the wardroom remarked, "Helm hard
+a-port," an order that was instantly obeyed, and as she began to turn
+the moving needle on the depth gauge began its journey round the dial.
+It was the Captain who had spoken. As soon as he heard the diving alarm
+he was out of his bunk, and a glance at the gauge he has fitted in the
+wardroom told him we were not sinking rapidly. In an instant he had put
+his finger on the trouble, which was that we were almost head on to the
+sea, with the result that he had given the order as stated above,
+which, bringing us beam on to the sea, had caused her to dive with
+ease. He is efficiency itself!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I explained to him what had happened, the noise of propellers at
+varying distances from us overhead led him to state his belief that we
+had run into a convoy homeward bound to Southampton from the Atlantic.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He approved of my actions in every particular, save only in my omission
+to bring the boat away from the sea as I began to dive.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This morning we are beginning to get the full force of what is
+evidently going to be a south-westerly gale of some violence. The seas
+are getting larger as we debouch into the Atlantic. This looks bad for
+business.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+At the moment we are practically hove to on the surface, with the port
+engine just jogging to keep her head on to sea and the starboard
+ticking round to give her a long, slow charge of 200 amps.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The wind is force 7-8 and a very big sea is running which makes it
+entirely impossible to open the conning tower hatch; the engine is
+getting its air through the special mushroom ventilator, which is
+apparently not designed to supply both the boat's requirements and
+those of the engine; the whole ventilator gets covered with sea every
+now and then, during which period until the baffle drains get the water
+away no air can get in, so the engine has a good suck at the air in the
+boat, the result of all this being a slight vacuum in the boat. It is a
+very unpleasant sensation, and made me very sick. This is really a form
+of sickness due to the rarefied air.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had a great surprise when I looked at the barograph this morning as
+the needle had gone right off the paper at the bottom, and at first
+glance I thought we had struck a tropical depression of the first
+magnitude, which, flouting all the laws of meteorology, had somehow
+found its way to the English Channel; but the engineer explained to me
+that, as I have already stated, the low atmospheric pressure in the
+boat was due to the conning-tower hatch being shut down.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/117.jpg"><img src="images/117th.jpg" alt="As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the ceaseless fountain of starshells mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our port beam"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/118.jpg"><img src="images/118th.jpg" alt="We hit her aft for the second time"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have discovered that Von Weissman is a martyr to sea-sickness--all
+day he has been lying down as white as a sheet and subsisting on milk
+tablets and sips of brandy; yet such is the man's inflexibility of will
+that he forces himself to make a tour of inspection right round the
+boat every six hours, night and day. It is this will to conquer which
+has made Germans unconquerable, though "Come the four corners of the
+world in arms" against us, as the great poet says.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are, of course, keeping watch from inside the conning tower; it is,
+at all events, dry, but as to seeing anything one might as well be
+looking out through a small glass window from inside a breakwater! To
+bed till 4 a.m.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+A most unprofitable day. I grudge every day away from Zoe on which we
+do nothing. This morning about noon the gale blew itself out, but a
+heavy confused sea continued to run.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 2 p.m. we saw a most tantalizing spectacle. A big tank steamer,
+fully 600 feet long and of probably 17,000 tons burthen hove in sight,
+escorted by two destroyers. To attack with the gun was impossible, as
+we could only keep the conning tower open when stern to sea, and in any
+case the two destroyers prevented any surface work. We tried to get in
+for an attack, but we had not seen her in time, and the best we could
+do was to get within 3,000 yards, at which range it would have been
+absurd to have wasted a torpedo, the chances of hitting being 100 to 1
+against, even if the torpedo had run properly in the sea that was on.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had a good look at her through the foremost periscope in between the
+waves, and it maddened me to see all that oil, doubtless from Tampico
+for the Grand Fleet, going safely by. The destroyers were having a bad
+time of it, crashing into the sea like porpoises, their funnels white
+with salt, and their bridges enveloped in sheets of water and spray.
+They little thought that, barely a mile away, amidst the tumbling,
+crested waves a German eye was watching them!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There is no doubt these damned British have pluck, for it was the last
+sort of weather in which one would have expected to find destroyers at
+sea, and yet I suppose they do this throughout the winter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After all, one would expect them to be tough fellows--they are of
+Teutonic stock--though by their bearing one might imagine that the
+Creator made an Englishman and then Adam.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Let's hope we get some decent weather to-morrow. I have just been
+refreshing my memory by reading of what I wrote in the book, concerning
+the day in the forest with the adorable girl. There is an exquisite
+pleasure in transporting the mind into such memories of the past when
+the body is in such surroundings as the present, if only I could will
+myself to dream of her!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+A fine day in every sense of the word. The weather has been and remains
+excellent, and I have been present at my first sinking. It was absurdly
+commonplace. At 10 a.m. this morning a column of smoke crept upwards
+from the southern horizon.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Von Weissman steered towards it on the surface until two masts and the
+top of a funnel appeared. We dived and proceeded slowly under water on
+a southerly course.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Half an hour passed and Von Weissman brought the boat up to periscope
+depth and had a look. He called to me to come and see, an invitation I
+accepted with alacrity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With natural excitement I looked through the periscope and there she
+was, unconsciously ambling to her doom like a fat sheep.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She was a steamer (British) of about 4,000 tons, slugging home at a
+steady ten knots, but she was destined to come to her last mooring
+place ahead of schedule time!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We dipped our periscope and I went forward to the tubes. Five minutes
+elapsed and the order instrument bell rang, the pointer flicking to
+"Stand by." I personally removed the firing gear safety pin and put the
+repeat to "Ready." A breathless pause, then a slight shake and
+destruction was on its way, whilst I realized by the angle of the boat
+that Weissman was taking us down a few metres.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That shows his coolness, he didn't even trouble to watch his shot.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Anxiously I watch the second hand of my stop watch. Weissman had told
+me the range would be about 500 metres--30 seconds--31--32--33--has he
+missed?--34--35--3--A dull rumble comes through the water and the
+whole boat shakes. Hurra! we have hit, and the order "Surface" comes
+along the voice pipe.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The cheerful voice of the blower is heard, evacuating the tanks; I run
+to the conning tower and closely follow Weissman up the ladder. At last
+I am on the bridge. There she is! What a sight!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I feel that I shall never forget what she looked like, though, if all
+goes well, I shall see many another fine ship go to her grave.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But she was my first; I felt the same sensation when, as a boy, I shot
+my first roe-deer in the Black Forest, one instant a living thing
+beautiful to perfection, the next my rifle spoke and a bleeding carcase
+lay beneath the fine trees. So with this ship. I am a sailor, and to
+every sailor every ship that floats has, as it were, a soul, a
+personality, an entity; to carry the analogy further, a merchant craft
+is like some fat beast of utility, an ox, a cow, or a sheep, whilst a
+warship is a lion if she is a battleship, a leopard if she is a light
+cruiser, etc.; in all cases worthy game.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But War has little use for sentimentality! and in my usual wandering
+manner I see that I have meandered from the point and quite forgotten
+what she did look like.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+What I saw was this:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I saw that the steamer had been hit forward on the starboard side. The
+upper portion of the stem piece was almost down to the water level, her
+foremost hold was obviously filling rapidly. Her stern was high out of
+water, the red ensign of England flapping impotently on the ensign
+staff. Her propeller, which was still slowly revolving, thrashed the
+water, and this heightened the impression that I was watching the
+struggles of a dying animal. The propeller was revolving in spasmodic
+jerks, due, I imagine, to the fast failing steam only forcing the
+cranks over their dead centres with an effort.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A boat was being lowered with haste from the two davits abreast the
+funnel on one side, but when she was full of men and, due to the angle
+
+of the ship, well down by the bow, someone inboard let go the foremost
+fall or else it broke, for the bows of the boat fell downwards and half
+a dozen figures were projected in grotesque attitudes into the sea. For
+a few seconds the boat swung backwards and forwards, like a pendulum.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When she came to rest, hanging vertically downwards from the stern, I
+noticed that a few men were still clinging like flies to her thwarts.
+Truly, anything is better than the Atlantic in winter. Meanwhile the
+ship had ceased to sink as far as outward signs went.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I mentioned this to Von Weissman, who was at my side with a slight
+smile on his face, amused doubtless at the eagerness with which I
+watched every detail of this, to me, novel tragedy. He answered me that
+I need not worry, that she was being supported by an air lock somewhere
+forward, that the water was slowly creeping into her and her boilers
+would probably soon go.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This remarkable man was absolutely correct.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was an interval of about five minutes, during which another boat,
+evidently successfully lowered from the other side, came round her
+stern, picked up one or two men from the water and also collected the
+survivors in the hanging boat; then the steamer suddenly sank another
+two feet, there was a dull rumbling, as of heavy machinery falling from
+a height, a muffled report, a cloud of steam and smoke, a sucking noise
+and then a pool in the water, in the middle of which odd bits of wood
+and other buoyant debris kept on bobbing up. Nothing else!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No! I am wrong, there were two other things: a U-boat, representing the
+might of Germany, and a whaler with perhaps twenty men in it,
+representing the plight of England!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As she went I felt hushed and solemn, it was an impressive moment; a
+slight chuckle came from imperturbable Weissman; he had seen too many
+go to think much of it, and he gave an order for the helm to be put
+over, so that we might approach the whaler.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They were horribly overcrowded, and were engaged in trying to sort
+themselves into some sort of order. We passed by them at 50 yards and
+Weissman, seizing his megaphone, shouted in English: "Goodbye! steer
+west for America!" A cold horror gripped my heart. It was an awful
+moment. I dare not write the thoughts that entered my head.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I turned away my head and faced aft, that he should not see my face;
+looking back I saw the whaler rocking dangerously in our wash, and then
+a commotion took place in her stern, from which a huge bearded man
+arose and, shaking his fist in our direction, shouted something or
+other before his companions pulled him down.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Von Weissman heard and his lips narrowed in. I held my breath in
+suspense, but he evidently decided against what he had been about to
+do, for with the order, "Course north! ten knots," he went below.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I remained on deck watching the rapidly receding whaler through my
+glasses until she was a mere speck--alone on the ocean, 150 miles from
+land, Then the navigator came up, and with strangely mixed feelings of
+exultant joy and depressing sorrow I went below.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Von Weissman was in the wardroom. I watched him unobserved. He was
+humming a tune to himself and had just completed putting a green dot on
+the chart. This done he lay back on the settee and closed his
+eyes--strange, insoluble man!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For long hours I could not forget that whaler; I see it now as I write.
+I suppose I shall get used to it all. What would Zoe say?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The most wonderful thing about man is that he can stand the strain of
+his own invention of modern war!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I am rather tired to-night, but must just jot down briefly what has
+taken place to-day, as there is never any time in the daylight hours.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Soon after dawn, at about 8 a.m., we sighted a fair-sized steamer of
+about 3,000 tons, which we sunk, but I cannot say what she looked like,
+or whether anyone escaped, as we never came to the surface at all, Von
+Weissman sighting smoke on the western horizon just as he hit her. We
+accordingly steered in that direction. However, I think she went almost
+at once as Von Weissman put a dot (black) on the chart as we made
+towards number 3.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I very much wanted to know whether there were any survivors, but I did
+not like to ask him at the time and he has been in such an infernal
+temper ever since that I haven't had a suitable opportunity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The cause of his rage was as follows:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Steamer number 3 turned out to be a fine fat chap (of the Clan Line,
+Von Weissman said, when we first sighted her). We moved in to attack
+and fired our port bow tube. I waited in vain by the tubes for the
+expected explosion--nothing happened, but after a couple of minutes a
+snarl came down the voice pipe: "Surface, GUN ACTION STATIONS!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I ran aft, and found the Captain white with rage.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Missed ahead!" he said, with intense feeling, "I'll have to use that
+confounded gun."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In about three minutes the Captain and myself were on the bridge and
+the crew were at their stations round the gun.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For the first time I saw the ship; she was stern on and apparently
+painted with black and white stripes. As I examined her through
+glasses--she was distant about 3,000 yards--I saw a flash aboard her
+and a few seconds later a projectile moaned overhead and fell about
+6,000 yards over. So she is armed, thought I, and she has actually
+opened fire on us first.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The effect of this unexpected retort on the part of the Englishman was
+to throw Weissman into a paroxysm of rage.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Why don't you fire? What the devil are you waiting for?" etc., etc.,
+were some of the remarks he flung at the gun crew.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I did not consider it advisable to mention to him that they were
+probably waiting his order to fire, and also his orders for range and
+deflection, as I had imagined that, here as everywhere else, an officer
+controls the gun-fire. Apparently in this boat it is not so, as
+Weissman takes so little interest in his gun that he affects to be, or
+else actually is, ignorant of the elements of gun control.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At any rate, under the lash of his tongue, the gun's crew soon got into
+action, the gun-layer taking charge. Our first shot was short, very
+considerably so, as was also the second. Meanwhile the steamer had been
+keeping up a very creditably controlled rate of fire, straddling us
+twice, but missing for deflection, as was natural considering that we
+were bows on to her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I felt thoroughly in my element listening to the significant wail of
+the enemy's shell, punctuated by the ear-splitting report of our own
+gun. Weissman, gripping the rail with both hands, and to my surprise
+ducking when one went overhead, watched the target with a fixed
+expression, but made no attempt to control our gun-fire, which was far
+from creditable, as is inevitable when it is left to the mercy of the
+inferior intellect of a seaman.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, at the tenth or eleventh round we hit her in the upper works,
+as was shown by a bright red and yellow flash near her funnel. This did
+not check her firing or speed in the least, in fact she seemed to be
+gaining on us. She also began to zigzag slightly and throw smoke bombs
+overboard, which were not so effective from her point of view as I had
+thought they would be.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Matters were thus for some minutes. We had just hit her aft for the
+second time, though the shooting was so disgustingly bad that I was
+about to ask whether I might do the duties of control officer, when
+there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with moaning
+fragments. When I had recovered from my relief from finding that I was
+personally uninjured, I observed that two of the gun's crew were
+wounded and one was lying, either killed or seriously wounded, on the
+casing. We had been hit in the casing, well forward, and, as was
+subsequently proved when we dived, little material damage was caused to
+the boat.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This enemy success caused a temporary cessation of fire. The two
+
+wounded men were cautiously making their way aft to the conning tower,
+and I called for a couple of stokers to come up and carry away the
+third, when Von Weissman suddenly gave the order to dive. The gun's
+crew at once made a rush for the conning tower, and were down the hatch
+in a trice, one of the wounded men fainting at the bottom.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was unaware as to the reason of this order to dive, and thought that
+perhaps the Captain had sighted a periscope. As I was turning to
+precede him down the conning tower hatch I distinctly saw the man lying
+by the gun lift his hand. I felt I could not leave him there, and
+instinctively cried, "He is still alive!" But Von Weissman, who was
+urging the crew to hurry down the hatch, pressed the diving alarm as
+soon as the last sailor was half in the hatch.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I knew that this meant that the boat would be under in 30 to 40
+seconds, so I had no alternative but to get down the hatch as quickly
+as possible.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I did so with reluctance, and I was followed by Von Weissman, who
+joined me in the upper conning tower.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I forced myself not to look out of the conning tower scuttles during
+the few seconds that elapsed as the casing slowly went under, until at
+last nothing but waving green water showed at each little window. I
+feared that, if I had looked, I would have seen a wounded man, stung
+into activity by the cold touch of the Atlantic. Perhaps Von Weissman
+read my thoughts, or else he remembered my remark concerning the man,
+for he turned to me and in level tones said:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Have you any doubt that he was dead?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I hesitated a moment, and he continued:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"By my direction you have no doubt. He <i>was</i>!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How brutal war is, and what a perfect exponent of the art the Captain
+proves himself to be! To me a life is a life, a particle of the thing
+divine; to him a life is a unit, and a half-maimed and probably dying
+seaman is as nothing in the scales when the safety of a U-boat is at
+stake. The seamen are numbered in their tens of thousands, the U-boats
+in their tens. The steamer had hit us once, luckily only in the casing,
+a second hit might well have punctured the pressure hull, and our fate
+in these waters would have been certain. Therefore, having summed these
+things up and balanced them in his mind, he dived and the sailor died.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Once below water Von Weissman seemed more his imperturbable self, and
+unless I am mistaken he is never really happy on the surface, at least
+when in action. He is a true water mole.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+A day full of interest, though once again I have had to force myself to
+absorb the horrors of War. I imagine that I am now going through the
+experiences of a new arrival on the Western Front, who feels a desire
+to shudder at the sight of every corpse.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 10 a.m. this morning we sighted the topsails of a sailing boat to
+the southwest. Closing her on the surface, we approached to within
+about 6,000 metres, when suddenly Von Weissman ordered "Gun Action
+Stations."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The gun crew came tumbling up, but not quick enough to suit him, for as
+they were mustering at the gun he gave the order to dive, only,
+however, taking her down to periscope depth before instantly ordering
+surface and then "Gun Action Stations" again. This time we opened fire
+on the ship, which was a Norwegian barque and, being in the barred
+zone, liable to destruction.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Von Weissman had announced overnight that at the first opportunity he
+would give "that ---- gun's crew a bellyful of practice," and he
+certainly did. As soon as the first shot was fired, she backed her
+topsails, and when our fourth shot struck her, somewhere near the foot
+of the foremast, her crew could be seen hastily abandoning their ship.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This action on their part had no influence with Von Weissman, who had
+taken personal charge of the helm, and, with the engines running at
+three-quarter speed, he was zigzagging about, to make it harder for the
+gun's crew. Every now and then he flung a gibe at the crew, such as
+suggesting that they should go back to the High Seas Fleet and learn
+how to shoot.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The sailing ship was soon on fire, for, considering the circumstances,
+the shooting was very fair, though had I been controlling it I could
+have confidently guaranteed better results. When she was blazing nicely
+fore and aft, Von Weissman ordered the practice to cease, and sent the
+crew below. He then ordered course south, speed ten knots, and I took
+over the watch.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+An hour and a half later, when the navigator gave me a spell, a black
+cloud on the northern horizon marked the funeral pyre of another of our
+victims. When I went below, the Captain had just finished playing with
+his precious old chart.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We received a message at 2 a.m. last night from Heligoland to return
+forthwith; it is now 2 a.m. and we are approaching the redoubtable
+Dover Barrage. We had no trouble coming up channel to-day, which seems
+singularly empty, at any rate in mid-channel, where we were.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We got back about three hours ago, and as I was appointed temporary to
+the boat, Von Weissman kindly allowed me to leave her and come up to
+Bruges as soon as we got into the shelters at Zeebrugge.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I got up here just, in time for a late dinner. Hunger satisfied, I
+retired to my room and, needless to say, at once rang up my darling
+Zoe.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By the mercy of providence she was in, but imagine my sensations when I
+heard that that accursed swine of a Colonel was also back from the
+front, and expected in at the flat at any moment, being then, she
+thought, engaged in his after dinner drinking bouts at the cavalry
+officers' club. I could only groan.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A laugh at the other end stung me to furious rage, appeased in an
+instant by her soothing tones as she told me that I should be glad to
+hear that he was only up from the Somme on a four-days leave, and was
+returning next morning by the 8 a.m. troop train. Glad! I could have
+danced for joy. I breathed again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As the Colonel was expected back at any moment she thought it advisable
+to terminate the conversation, which was done with obvious reluctance
+on her part, or so I flatter myself.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He goes to-morrow, so far so good, but what of the intervening period?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Could any more refined torture be imagined than that I, who love her as
+I love my own soul, should have to sit here, whilst scarcely a mile
+away, probably at this very moment as I write, that gross brute is
+privileged to kiss her, to look at her, to--oh! it's unbearable. When I
+think of that hog, for though I've never seen him, I've seen his
+photograph, and I know instinctively that he <i>is</i> gross, fresh, as she
+says, from a drinking bout, should at this moment be permitted to raise
+his pigs' eyes and look into those glorious wells of violet light; when
+I think that his is the privilege to see those masses of black hair
+fall in uncontrolled splendour, then I understand to the full the deep
+pleasures of murder.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I would give anything to destroy this man, and could shake the
+Englishman by the hand who fires the delivering bullet!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Steady! Steady! What do I write? No! I mean it, every word of it. Yet
+of all the mysteries, and to me Zoe is a mass of them, surely the
+
+strangest of all is contained in the question: Why does she live with
+him?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She doesn't love him, she's practically told me so. In fact, I know she
+doesn't. Let me reason it out by logic. She lives with him, whether
+voluntarily or involuntarily. Suppose it be voluntarily, then her
+reasons must be (a) Love; (b) Fascination; (c) Some secret reason. If
+she is living with him involuntarily it must be: (d) He has a hold on
+her; (e) For financial reasons.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I strike out at once (a) and (e), for in the case of (e) she knows well
+that I would provide for her, and (a) I refuse to admit, (b) is hardly
+credible--I eliminate that. I am left with (c) and (d) which might be
+the same thing. But what hold can he have on her; she can't have a
+past, she is too young and sweet for that.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I must find out about this before I go to sea again.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Three days ago, I was racking my brains for the solution of a problem,
+and, as I see from what I wrote, I was somewhat outside myself. In the
+interval things have taken an amazing turn. I am still bewildered--but
+I must put it all down from the beginning.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Colonel left as she said he would, and I went round to lunch with
+her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had a delightful <i>tête-à-tête</i>, and after lunch she played the
+piano. I was feeling in splendid voice and she accompanied me to
+perfection in Tchaikowsky's "To the Forest," always a favourite of
+mine. As the last chords died away, Zoe jumped up from the piano and,
+with eyes dancing with excitement, placed her hands on my shoulders and
+exclaimed:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Karl! I have an idea! I shall make a prisoner of you for two or three
+days."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I laughed heartily and almost told her that she had already made me a
+prisoner for life, only I can never get those sort of remarks out quick
+enough.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But when she said, "No! I am not joking, I mean it," I felt there was
+more meaning in her sentence than I had at first thought. I begged to
+be enlightened, and she then unfolded her scheme.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She told me for the first time, that in a forest not far from Bruges
+she had a little summer-house, to which she used to retreat for
+week-ends in the hot weather when the Colonel was away. He knew nothing
+of this country house (she was very insistent on that point), so I
+imagined she paid for it out of her dress allowance or in some other
+way. The idea that had just struck her was that she had a sudden fancy
+to go and spend two days there, and I was to go with her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was ready to go to Africa with her if my leave permitted, and it so
+happened that I was due for four days' overseas leave (limited to
+Belgian territory) so that this fitted in very well, and I told her so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She was delighted, then, with one of those quick intuitions which women
+are so clever at, she read the half-formed thought in my mind, and
+said: "You mustn't think it's not going to be conventional; old Babette
+will be with us to chaperon me." Old Babette is an aged female whom she
+calls her maid. I think she is jealous of me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I agreed at once that of course I quite understood it was to be highly
+conventional, etc., though I smiled to myself as I visualized my
+mother's shocked face and uplifted hands had she heard my Zoe's ideas
+on the conventions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was trying to fathom what was at the bottom of it all when she
+remarked: "Of course, as my prisoner you will have to obey all my
+orders."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I replied that this was certainly so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"And one of the first things," she continued, "that happens to a
+prisoner when he goes through the enemy lines is that he is
+blindfolded, and in the same way I shan't let you know where you are
+going."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Seeing a doubtful look in my eyes as I endeavoured to keep pace with
+the underlying idea, if any, of this truly feminine fancy, she suddenly
+came up to me and, lifting her eyes to mine, murmured: "Don't you trust
+me?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In a moment my passion flared up, and rained hot kisses on her face as
+she struggled to release herself from my arms.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When I left that night after dinner, and, walking on air, returned to
+the Mess, it was arranged that I should be at her flat with my
+suit-case at 6 p.m. the next evening, prepared, to use her own words,
+"to disappear with me for 48 hours."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She had told me of an address in Bruges which she said would forward on
+any telegram if I was recalled, and I had to be satisfied with that,
+for I may as well say here that I never discovered where I went to, and
+I don't know to this moment in what part of Belgium I spent the last
+two nights.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I tried to find out at first, but as she obviously attached some
+importance to keeping the locality of her woodland retreat a secret,
+probably to circumvent the Colonel, I soon gave up trying to get the
+secret from her, and contented myself with taking things as they came.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To go on with my account of what happened--which was really so
+remarkable that I propose writing it out in detail to the best of my
+memory--at 6 p.m. next day I was naturally at her flat feeling very
+much as if I was on the threshold of an adventure.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Zoe was excited and the flat was in a turmoil, as apparently she had
+only just begun to pack her dressing-case.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Soon after six we went down and got into a large Mercédès car which I
+had noticed standing outside when I arrived. We were soon on our way,
+and left Bruges by the Eastern barrier; we showed our passes and
+proceeded into the darkened country-side. We had been running for about
+a mile when she remarked, "Prisoners will now be blindfolded!" and, to
+my astonishment, slipped a little black silk bag over my head.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was so startled I didn't know whether to be angry, or to laugh, or
+what to do. Eventually I did nothing, and, entering into the spirit of
+the game, declared that even a wretched prisoner had the right not to
+be stifled, whereupon she lifted the lower portion of the bag and
+uncovered my mouth. Shortly afterwards I was electrified to feel a pair
+of soft lips meet mine, a sensation which was repeated at frequent
+intervals, and, as I whispered in her ear, under these conditions I was
+prepared to be taken prisoner into the jaws of hell.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This pleasant journey had lasted for about three-quarters of an hour
+when my mask was removed and I was informed that I was "inside the
+enemy lines!" Through the windows of the car I could dimly see that an
+apparently endless mass of fir trees were rushing past on each side.
+This state of affairs continued for a kilometre or so, when we branched
+to the right and soon entered a large clearing in the forest, at one
+side of which stood the house. Babette, Zoe and myself entered the
+building, and the car disappeared, presumably back to Bruges.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The house, built of logs, was of two stories; on the ground floor were
+two living rooms, and the domains of Babette, who amongst her other
+accomplishments turned out to be not only a most capable valet, but a
+first-class cook. On the second story there were two large rooms. The
+whole house was furnished after the manner of a hunting lodge, with
+stags' heads on the walls, and skins on the floors. In the drawing-room
+there was a piano and a few etchings of the wild boar by Schaffein.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I dressed for dinner in my "smoking," though under ordinary
+circumstances I should have considered this rather formal, but I was
+glad I did, for she appeared in full evening <i>tenue</i>. She wore a violet
+gown, and across her forehead a black satin bandeau with a Z in
+diamonds upon it. It must have cost two thousand marks, and I wondered
+with a dull kind of jealousy whether the Colonel had given it to her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I cannot remember of what we talked during dinner. We have a hundred
+subjects in common, and we look at so many aspects of the world through
+the same pair of eyes; I only know that when I have been talking to her
+for a period--there is no exact measurement of time for me when I am
+with her--I leave her presence feeling "completed." I feel that a sort
+of gap within my being has been filled, that a spiritual hunger has
+been satisfied, that I have got something which I wanted, but for which
+I could not have formulated the desire in words. I had resolved that on
+this first night I would bring matters between us to a head and end
+this delicious but intolerable uncertainty as to how we stood; yet,
+when old Babette had served us with coffee in the drawing-room, as I
+call the second living-room, and we were alone together, I could not
+bring up the subject. Partly because I think she prevented me so doing
+by that skilful shepherding of the conversation into other paths with
+an artfulness with which God endows all women, and also partly because
+I could not screw myself up to the pitch. I could not, or rather would
+not, put my fate to the touch. I had a presentiment that in reaching
+for the summit I might fall from the slope. Alas! how true was this
+foreboding in some senses--but I will keep all things in their right
+order.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/151.jpg"><img src="images/151th.jpg" alt="The track met our ram"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/152.jpg"><img src="images/152th.jpg" alt="In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Let it only be recorded that when she kissed me good-night (with the
+tenderness of a mother) and left me to smoke a final cigar I had said
+nothing, and I could only wonder at the strange fate that had placed me
+practically alone with a girl whom I had grown to love with a deep
+emotion, and who appeared to love me, yet often behaved as if I was her
+brother.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The next day we were like two children. The snow was deep on the
+ground, and the fir trees stood like thousands of sentinels in grey
+uniform round the clearing. Once during the afternoon, as with Zoe's
+assistance I was furiously chopping wood for the fire, a droning noise
+made me look up, and thousands of metres overhead a small squadron of
+aeroplanes, evidently bound for the Western Front, sailed slowly across
+the sky. I thought how awkward it would be for them if they experienced
+an engine failure whilst over the forest, though they were up so high
+that I imagine they could have glided ten kilometres, and as I think
+(but I am not certain, and I have pledged myself not to try and find
+out) we were in the Forest of Montellan, which is barely fifteen
+kilometres broad, I suppose they could have fallen clear of the trees.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As a matter of fact I imagine they would have used our clearing--I'm
+glad they didn't.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That night after dinner she played to me, first Beethoven and then
+Chopin. I can see her as I write; she had just finished the 14th
+Prelude and, resting her chin on her hand, she smiled mysteriously at
+me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The hour had come, and, driven by strong impulses, I spoke. I told her
+that I loved her as I had never thought that a man could love a woman;
+I told her that I longed to shield her and protect her, and above all
+things to remove her from the clutches of that bestial Colonel, and as
+I bent over her and felt my senses swim in the subtleties of her
+perfume, I begged her passionately to say the word that would give me
+the right to fight the world on her behalf.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When I had finished she was silent for a long while, and I can remember
+distinctly that I wondered whether she could hear the thump! thump!
+thump! of my heart, which to my agitated mind seemed to beat with the
+strength of a hammer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At length she spoke; two words came slowly from her lips:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I cannot."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was not discouraged. I could see, I could feel, that a tremendous
+struggle was raging, the outward signs of which were concealed by her
+averted head.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At length I asked her point-blank whether she loved me. Her silence
+gave me my answer, and I took her unresisting body into my arms and
+kissed her to distraction. Oh! these kisses, how bitter they seem to me
+now, and yet how I long to hold her once again. For, freeing herself
+from my embrace and speaking almost mechanically, she said:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Karl! I must tell you. I cannot marry you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I pleaded, I prayed, I argued, I demanded. It was in vain; I always
+came up against the immovable "I cannot."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And then I crashed over the precipice towards whose edge I had been
+blindly going. I had said for the hundredth time, "But you know you
+love me," when with a sob she abandoned all reserve, and, flinging her
+arms round my neck, implored me to take her. Then, as I caught my
+breath, she quickly said, as if frightened that she had gone too far,
+"But I cannot marry you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I looked down into those beautiful eyes, and for the first time I
+understood. For perhaps ten seconds I battled for my soul and the
+purity of our love; then, tearing my sight from those eyes which would
+lure an archangel to destruction, I was once more master of my body. As
+my resolution grew, I hated her for doing this thing that had wrecked
+in an instant the hopes of months, the ideals on which I had begun to
+build afresh my life.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She felt the change, and left me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As she went out by the door she gave me one last look, a look in which
+love struggled with shame, a look which no man has ever earned the
+right to receive from any woman.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I was as a statue of marble, dazed by this calamity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As the door closed upon her, I started forward--it was too late.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Had she waited another instant--but there, I write of what has happened
+and not what might have been.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I did not sleep that night, until the dawn began to separate each fir
+tree from the black mass of the forest. Twice in the night, with shame
+I confess it, I opened my door and looked down the little passage-way;
+and twice I closed the door and threw myself upon my bed in an agony of
+torment. It was ten o'clock when a knock at the door aroused me, and
+the sunlight through the window-pane was tracing patterns on the floor.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was a note on the breakfast table, but before I opened it I knew
+that, save for Babette, I was alone in the house.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The note was brief, unaddressed and unsigned. I have it here before me;
+I have meant to tear it up but I cannot. It is a weakness to keep it,
+but I have lost so much in the last few days, that I will not grudge
+myself some small relic of what has been. The note says:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am leaving for Bruges at half-past eight, when the car was ordered
+to fetch us back. I go alone. Babette will give you breakfast. The car
+will return for you at eleven o'clock. I rely on your honour in that
+you will not observe where you have been. Come to me when you want
+me--till then, farewell."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was as she said, and I honourably acceded to her request. This
+afternoon just before lunch I arrived in Bruges, and since tea-time I
+have tried to write down what has happened since I left the day before
+yesterday. Oh! how could she do it, how can it be possible that she is
+a woman like that? I could have sworn that she was not like this--and
+yet how can I account for her life with the Colonel? There must be some
+reason, but in Heaven's name, what?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Meanwhile I am to go to her when I want her! And that will be when I
+can give her my name. But oh! Zoe, I want you now, so badly, oh! so
+badly!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I saw her once to-day in the gardens, walking by herself.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I have told Max's secretary that I want to get to sea; to be here in
+Bruges and not to see her is more than I can bear.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I sail at dawn to-morrow. Shall I see her? No, it is best not.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A frightful noise over the New Year celebrations to-night. Champagne
+flowing like water in the Mess. I feel the year 1917 opens badly for
+me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Weissman also went to sea again for a short trip in the Channel, and
+has not reported for five days. Perhaps he has despised the Dover
+Barrage once too often. If this is so, it is a great loss to the
+service: he was a man of iron resolution in underwater attack.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I feel I ought to despise Zoe, but I can't. I love her too much; after
+all, am I not perhaps encasing myself in the robe of a Pharisee?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She offered me all she had, save only the one thing I asked, without
+which I will take nothing. I cannot reconcile her behaviour with her
+character; why can't she trust me? why can't she be frank with me? I
+will not believe she is that sort.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I feel I cannot go out again without a <i>sign</i>--I may not return, and I
+will not leave her, perhaps for ever, with this bitterness between us.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+At sea in U.C.47 again. Alten as surly as ever.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I decided finally to write to Zoe, but found it difficult to know what
+to say. Eventually I said more than I had intended. I told her frankly
+that I experienced a shock, but that I had not meant to seem so cold,
+and that what I had done had been done for both our sakes. I told her
+that I still loved her, and I implored her once more to leave the
+Colonel and come to me as my wife.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Already I long to know what message awaits me on my return.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This will not be for three days. We left at dawn this morning to lay
+mines off the channel to Harwich harbour; a nest from which submarines,
+cruisers and destroyers buzz in and out like wasps. It will be ticklish
+work.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>On the bottom</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our mines are still with us, but so are our lives, which is something.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were approaching the appointed spot at 6 a.m. this morning, when
+without the slightest warning the track of a torpedo was seen streaking
+towards us about 50 yards on the starboard bow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Before Alten (who was on the bridge with me) could do more than press
+the diving alarm, the track met our ram. I breathed again, and was then
+reminded by an oath from Alten that the boat was diving.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was evident that we had only been saved by the torpedo running deep
+under the cut-away part of our bow, otherwise!--well, the tangle of my
+affairs would have been easily straightened.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Further procedure on the surface was suicidal, and we kept hydrophone
+patrol, twice hearing the motors of the enemy submarine. At the moment
+we are on the bottom waiting to come up and charge to-night, and lay
+our mines at dawn to-morrow.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+On the bottom in 28 metres and feeling none too comfortable, as there
+would appear to be about a dozen destroyers overhead.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Last night, or rather early this morning, I participated in one of the
+most extraordinary incidents that I have ever heard of.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was pitch-black dark when I took over at 4 a.m., and a fresh breeze
+had raised a lumpy sea, which covered the bridge with spray. We were
+charging 400 amps on each, with the intention of laying one mine
+directly there was sufficient light to get a fix from some of the buoys
+which the English stick down all over the place here in the most
+convenient manner possible. If only one could believe they never
+shifted them. Alten says it never occurs to an Englishman to do a thing
+like that, but I'm not so sure. However, we were proceeding along at
+about five knots, crashing into the sea rather badly, when out of the
+black beastliness of the night I saw a shape close aboard on the port
+hand.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I hesitated for a second as to my course of action, I was astounded
+to see a large submarine which must have been British, on an opposite
+course, not more than 25 metres away!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This sounds absurd, but it really wasn't further. I'm not ashamed to
+confess that I was completely disorganized; it did not seem possible
+that the enemy was literally alongside me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I don't know how it struck the officer in the British boat, but I must
+give him credit for doing something first, for he fired a Very's white
+light straight at me as the two boats passed. It impinged on the hull,
+and in the flash I caught a photographic glimpse of his conning tower,
+on which was painted the letter E, followed by two numbers, of which
+one was a two I think, and the other a nine.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By this time he was on my port quarter and rapidly disappearing; in a
+frenzy of rage I managed to get my revolver out, and whilst with the
+left hand I pressed the diving alarm, with the right hand I emptied the
+magazine in his direction. When we were down, Alten practically
+refused to believe me, which made me very pleased that in descending I
+had trod on a pair of hands which turned out to be his, as he had
+started up the ladder to the upper conning tower when he first heard
+the alarm.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I presume our opponent dived as well, but evidently he had put two and
+two together and used his aerial at some period, for when at dawn we
+poked a periscope up, a flotilla of destroyers appeared to be looking
+for something, which "something" was us, unless I am much mistaken; so
+we bottomed, where we have been ever since. The Hydroplane Operator
+keeps up a monotonous sing-song to the effect that "Fast running
+propellers are either receding or approaching." The crew are collected
+round the mine-tubes as I write, and are singing a lugubrious song, the
+refrain of which runs:
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+&nbsp;&nbsp;"Death for the Fatherland! Glorious fate,<br>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;This is the end that we gladly await."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Why will the seamen always become morbid when possible? And there is
+not a man amongst them who is not inwardly thinking of some beer-hall
+in Bruges, though I suppose that like their betters they have their
+romances of a tenderer kind.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+The boat has been rolling about on the bottom in the most sickening
+manner the whole afternoon. We flooded P and Q to capacity, which gave
+her 50 tons negative, but it seems to have little effect in steadying
+her, and it is evident that a really heavy gale is running on top.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Surfaced at 10 p.m.; a very heavy sea running and impossible to do much
+more than heave to. This weather has one point in its favour and that
+is that the destroyers are driven in.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It got steadily worse all night, and at midnight we lost our foremost
+wireless mast overboard; we have now (10 a.m.) been 48 hours without
+communication. At dawn we could see nothing to fix by; not a buoy in
+sight, nothing but an expanse of foam-topped short steep waves of dirty
+neutral-tinted water; how different to the great green and white surges
+of the broad Atlantic.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Under these circumstances Alten decided to risk it and return without
+laying our mines; for once in a way I agreed with him, as it is better
+not to lay a minefield at all than dump one down in some unknown
+position which one may have to traverse oneself in the course of a
+month or so. We are now slowly, very slowly, struggling back to
+Zeebrugge.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A green sea came down the conning tower to-day, and everything in the
+boat is damp and smelly and beastly. The propellers race at frequent
+intervals and the whole boat shudders--I feel miserable.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Alten has started to drink spirits; he began as soon as we decided to
+go back. He will be incapable by to-night, and it means that I shall
+have to take her in.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+What hell this is, sitting in sodden clothes, with the stench of four
+days' living assaulting the nostrils, and a motion of the devil; the
+glass is very low and is slowly rising, so that I suppose it will blow
+harder soon, though it is about force eight at present.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I wonder what Zoe will have written in reply to my note. When I think
+of what I rejected and compare it with my beast-like existence here, I
+can hardly believe that I behaved as I did--what would I not give now
+to be transported back to the forest! At this rate of progress we shall
+take another 24 hours. I wonder if I can knock another half-knot out of
+her without smashing her up.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+The extraordinarily violent motion has upset the <i>Anschutz</i>. [<a href="#f14">14</a>] The
+bearing cone of the stabilizing gyro has cracked, and the master
+compass began to wander off in circles. I was just resting for an hour
+or two, wedged up on a wet settee with coats equally wet, when her
+heavy pitching changed to a wallowing roll, and I heard the pilot, who
+was on watch, cursing down the voice-pipe, as we had sagged off our
+course.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f14">14.</a> Gyroscopic compass.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I heard the voice of the helmsman querulously maintain that he was
+steering his course by <i>Anschutz</i>, so I got up and gingerly clawed my
+way into the control room, where I found by comparing <i>Anschutz</i> with
+magnetic that the former had gone to hell, the reason being obvious, as
+the stabilizer was exerting a strongly biased torque. I stopped the
+<i>Anschutz</i> and asked the pilot to give the helmsman a steady by
+magnetic.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As we staggered back to our course I heard a thud in the wardroom, and
+on returning to my settee found that Alten had rolled out of his bunk,
+where he was lying in a drunken stupor, and that he was face downwards,
+sprawling on the deck, half his face in the broken half of a dirty dish
+which had fallen off the table whilst I was having tea. As I couldn't
+let the crew see him like this, I was obliged to struggle and get him
+back into his bunk. He was like a log and absolutely incapable of
+rendering me any assistance, though he did open his eyes and mutter
+once or twice as I lifted him up, trunk first and then his legs. He
+stank of spirits and I hated touching him. Lord! what a truly hoggish
+man he is; yet I cannot help envying him his oblivion to these
+surroundings.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+Arrived in, this afternoon.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Alten quite slept off his drink, and was offensively sarcastic as I
+worked on the forepart with wires, getting her into the shelters
+alongside the mole.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I hastened up to Bruges, and in the Mess heard several items of news
+and found two letters. The first, in a well-known handwriting, I opened
+eagerly, but received a chill of disappointment when I read its single
+line.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am here when you want me.--Z."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So she thinks to break my resolution!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No! I am stronger than she, and, now that I know she loves me, I can
+and will bend her to my will. Even now, at this distance of time, I can
+hardly understand my conduct the other day. I must have been given the
+strength of ten. I feel that I could not do it again; had she hesitated
+a second longer at the door--well, I can hardly say what I would have
+done.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is my duty to do so, for her sake and my own. But I know my
+weakness, and in this fact lies my strength. Cost what it may, I shall
+not permit myself to go near her until she yields.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The second letter gave me a great surprise. It was from Rosa. She has
+passed some examination, and is coming <i>here</i> of all places as a Red
+Cross nurse. She says she is looking forward to going round a U-boat!
+She assumes a good deal, I must say, still, I suppose I must be polite
+to her; but why the deuce does she sign herself "Yours, Rosa?" She's
+not mine, and I don't want her; it seems funny to me that I once
+thought of her vaguely in that sort of way. Now, I feel rather
+disturbed that she is coming here, though I don't quite see why I
+should worry, and yet I wonder if it is a coincidence her coming to
+Bruges?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I'm almost inclined to think it isn't. After all, every girl wants to
+get married, and without conceit my family, circumstances and, in the
+privacy of the pages of this journal I may add, my personal
+appearances, are such as would appeal to most girls--except Zoe,
+apparently!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I'll have to be on my guard against Miss Rosa.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I heard to-day that I am likely to be appointed to the periscope school
+in a few weeks' time, and meanwhile I am to be attached as
+supernumerary to the operations division on old Max's staff.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+The work here is most interesting. I feel glad that I am one of the
+spiders weaving the web for Britain's destruction.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The impasse with Zoe still continues, and my peace of mind has been
+still further disturbed by the actual arrival of Rosa. She rang me up
+within twelve hours of her arrival, and, of course, I was obliged to
+call. That was the day before yesterday. Rosa is at the No. 3 Hospital
+here, and was horribly effusive. Some people would, I suppose, call her
+good-looking, but to me, with my mind's-eye in perpetual contemplation
+of my darling Zoe, Rosa looked like a turnip. Her first movement after
+the preliminary greetings was to offer me a cigarette! I then noticed
+that her fingers were stained with nicotine, unpleasant in a man,
+disgusting in a woman.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Her nose was shiny and greasy--horrible. After a little talk she
+volunteered the statement that yesterday was her afternoon off, and she
+was simply longing to have tea in the gardens.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I endeavoured to make some feeble excuse on the grounds of the weather
+being unsuitable, but I am no good at these social lies, and I was
+eventually obliged to promise to take her there. I was the more annoyed
+in that her main object was obviously to be seen walking with a U-boat
+officer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Accordingly, yesterday, I found myself walking about with her at my
+side. My feelings can better be imagined than described when I suddenly
+saw Zoe, accompanied by Babette, in the distance. I hastily altered
+course, and pray she didn't see me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the course of the afternoon Rosa had the impertinence to say that at
+Frankfurt they were saying that I was interested in a beautiful widow
+at Bruges, and could she (Rosa) write and say I was heart-whole, or
+else what the girl was like. I'm afraid that I lost my temper a little,
+and I told Rosa she could write to all the busybodies at home and tell
+them from me to go to the devil.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These women in the home circle, and especially aunts, are always the
+same; firstly, they badger one to get married, and then if they think
+one is contemplating such a step they are all agog to find out whether
+she is suitable!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Three more boats, two of which are U.C.'s, are overdue. It is
+distinctly unpleasant not knowing how or where they go, though the U.B.
+boat (Friederich Althofen) made her incoming position the day before
+yesterday as off Dungeness, so it looks as if the barrage at Dover
+which got Weissman has got Althofen as well. I wonder what new devilry
+they have put down there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How one wishes that in 1914, instead of seeking the capture of Paris,
+we had realized the importance of the Channel Ports to England, and
+struck for them!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It would not have been necessary to strike even in September, 1914. We
+could have walked into them. Dunkirk, at all events, should have been
+ours; however, we must do the best with things as they are, not that I
+would consider it too late even now to make a big push for the French
+coast.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It would seem, as a matter of fact, that all the pushing is to be at
+the other end of the line, in the Verdun sector, from the rumours I
+hear, though I should have thought once bitten twice shy in that
+quarter.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Saw Zoe again in the distance, and I think she saw me; at all events
+she turned round and walked away.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This girl whom I cannot, and would not if I could, obliterate from my
+thoughts, is causing me much worry.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She shows no sign of giving in, and I for one intend to be adamant. I
+shall defeat her in time. The male intellect is always ultimately
+victorious, other things being equal. I was reading Schopenhauer on the
+subject last night. What a brain that man had, though I confess his
+analysis of the female mentality is so terribly and truthfully cruel
+that it jars on certain of my feelings.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Zoe's resolution in this conflict, this sex war one might call it, only
+adds to her charm in my eyes; she is, I feel, a worthy mate for me,
+both intellectually and physically, and she shall be mine--I have
+decided it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Met Rosa to-day at old Max's house, where I went to pay a duty call.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Her Excellency is as forbidding a specimen of her sex as any I have
+ever met. She quite frightened me, and in the home circle the old man
+seemed quite subdued.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I escorted Rosa home, and on the way to her hospital she gave me a
+great surprise, as after much evasive talk she suddenly came out with
+the news that she was engaged to Heinrich Baumer, of U.C.23. I was
+quite taken aback, and will frankly confess that not so very long ago I
+imagined, evidently erroneously, that she was disposed to let her
+affections become engaged in another quarter. However, I was really
+very glad to hear this news, and congratulated her with genuine
+feeling.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The knowledge that she was a promised woman quite altered my feelings
+towards her, and before I quite meant to, I had told her a considerable
+amount about Zoe. It gave me much relief to be able to unburden myself,
+and confide my difficulties elsewhere than in the pages of this
+journal.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have asked the girl to tea to-morrow.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+A vile air raid last night. British machines, of course. They seemed
+determined to get over the town, and from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. relays of
+machines (of which not <i>one</i> was shot down) attacked us. The din was
+tremendous, and all sleep was out of the question.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Morning revealed surprisingly little damage, as is often the case in
+these big raids, whereas a few bombs from a chance machine often work
+havoc. I was down at 50 B.C. aerodrome this morning, and heard that as
+soon as the moon suits we are going to make Dunkirk sit up as
+retaliation for last night's efforts. There were also rumours of big
+attacks impending on London as soon as the new type of Gothas are
+delivered. That will shake the smug security of those cursed islanders.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Rosa came to tea, and afterwards I told her more about Zoe, and as I
+expect any day to be appointed to the periscope school at Kiel, I asked
+Rosa to try and effect an introduction to Zoe, and do what she could
+for me. Rosa gave me the impression that she was somewhat surprised
+that I should have had any difficulty with Zoe (of course I had not
+told her of the shooting-box scene). Rosa evidently thinks any woman
+ought to be honoured....
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Perhaps I was not so far wrong in my surmises as to Rosa's previous
+inclinations--I wonder; at any rate she will undoubtedly make Baumer a
+good wife, and she will probably be very fruitful and grow still fatter
+and housewifely. She is of a type of woman appointed by God in his
+foresight as breeders. Zoe, my adorable one, will probably not take
+kindly to babies.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I am ordered to report myself at Kiel by next Monday.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am terribly tempted to ring up Zoe on the telephone before I leave:
+it seems dreadful to leave her without a word; but at the same time I
+feel that she would interpret this as a sign of weakness on my part--as
+indeed it would be. I must be firm, for strength of mind pays with
+women, even more than with men.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>At Kiel</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I left Bruges without a word either to or from my obstinate darling.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is torture being away from her. I had thought that when I was here
+and not exposed to the temptation of going round and seeing her, that
+it would be easier; it is not. I long to write, and how I wonder
+whether she is feeling it as I do.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have read somewhere that a woman's passion once aroused is more
+ungovernable than a man's. That her whole being cries aloud for me
+cannot be doubted, and if the above statement is true what
+inflexibility of will she must be showing--it almost makes me fear--but
+no, I will defeat her in this strange contest, and she shall be my
+wife.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The work here is strenuous, and the grass does not grow under one's
+feet. The course for commanding officers lasts four weeks, and
+terminates in an exceedingly practical but rather fearsome test--i.e.,
+they have six steamers here camouflaged after the English fashion with
+dazzle painting, and these six steamers, protected by launches and
+harbour defence craft, steam across Kiel Bay in the manner of a convoy.
+The officer being examined has to attack this group of ships in one of
+the instructional submarines, and in three attacks he must score at
+least two hits, or else, in theory, he is returned to general service
+in the Fleet.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Fortunately at the moment I hear that owing to recent losses they are
+distinctly on the short side where submarine officers are concerned, so
+they'll probably make it easy when I do my test.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I see I have written nothing here for a fortnight; this is due to two
+causes: Firstly, I have been so extraordinarily busy, and, secondly, I
+have been most depressed through a letter I received from Fritz. It
+contained two items of bad news.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the first place, I heard for the first time of the tragedy of
+Heinrich Baumer's boat, and to my astonishment Fritz tells me that Rosa
+and another girl were in her when she was lost!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It appears that she was to go out for a couple of hours' diving off the
+port as a matter of routine after her two months' overhaul. She went
+out at 10 a.m., and was sighted from the signal station at the end of
+the mole at 11.30, when almost immediately afterwards there was an
+explosion and she disappeared. Motor-boats were quickly on the scene,
+but only debris came to the surface. Divers were sent down, and
+reported that she was in ten metres of water completely shattered. It
+is assumed, for lack of other explanation, that she struck a chance
+drifting mine which was moving down the coast on the tide.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Meanwhile Rosa and another sister were missing from the hospital, and
+after forty-eight hours someone put two and two together and started
+investigations. It has been ascertained that Baumer motored down from
+Bruges after breakfast, and that in the car were two figures taken to
+be sailors, as they were muffled up in oilskins. This fact was noted by
+the control sentries, as, though the day was showery, it was not
+raining hard. Other scraps of evidence unite in showing that these were
+the two girls who had apparently induced Baumer to take them out for a
+dive as a treat.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+What a tragedy! However, it must have been quite instantaneous. Poor
+Rosa, with all her vanities about war work, to think that the war would
+claim her like that! [<a href="#f15">15</a>]
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f15">15.</a> It is known that a boat with women on board was lost
+whilst exercising off Zeebrugge in the Spring of 1917. This would
+appear to be the boat in question.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Fritz added that old Max is almost off his head with rage over the
+whole business, and it is difficult to say whether he is more angry
+over Baumer and the boat being lost, or over the fact that Baumer being
+dead he is unable to administer those "disciplinary actions" in which
+he delights.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Great excitement here, as the day after to-morrow His Imperial Majesty
+the Kaiser and Hindenburg are due to pay Kiel a surprise visit. We are
+to be inspected and addressed. Tremendous preparations are going on.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+His Majesty, accompanied by the great Field-Marshal, inspected us this
+morning, and made a fine speech, of which we have been given printed
+copies. I shall frame mine and hang it in my boat, if I get a command.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I transcribe it:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Officers and men of the U-boat service:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"In the midst of the anxious moments in which we live I have determined
+to make time to come and witness in my own person the labours of those
+on whom I and the Fatherland rely. Fresh from the great battles on the
+West which are gnawing at the vitals of our hereditary enemies, I come
+to those whose glorious mission it will be to strike relentlessly at
+our most deadly and cunning enemy--cursed Britain. God is on our side
+and will protect you at sea for, in the striking at the nation which
+openly boasts that it aims at starving our women and children, you are
+engaged on a mission of undoubted holiness.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You must sink and destroy even as of old the Israelites smote and
+destroyed the alien races.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"To the officers I would particularly say, my person is your honour,
+and I am your supreme chief. From my hands you will receive honour, and
+from my hands will proceed just punishment for the unhappy ones who
+fail in their duty.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"To the men I would say, trust and obey your officers as you would your
+God. Officers and men! In you, your Kaiser and Fatherland place their
+trust--let neither be disappointed!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After his address, His Majesty graciously spoke a few words to
+individuals, of whom I had the signal honour of being one. I felt that
+I was in the presence of an Emperor. His gestures, his eyes, his voice,
+impressed me as belonging to a man born to command and to fill high
+places. The Field-Marshal never opened his mouth. I understand from his
+A.D.C. that he rarely speaks in public.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+The Colonel is KILLED! When I think about it, I am so excited I can
+hardly write!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I heard the great news last night, quite by accident. I was sitting in
+the Mess after dinner, and picked up <i>Die Woche</i>, and glancing at the
+pictures, I suddenly saw the portrait of Colonel Stein, of the
+Brandenburgers, killed on the 7th instant near Ypres. I recognized the
+ugly and bloated face immediately from the photograph of him which she
+had once shown me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My first impulse was to send her a wire, but, on thinking matters over,
+I decided that it would be difficult to put all my thoughts into the
+curt sentences of a telegram, and, further, that as all wires are
+doubtless examined at the Main Post Office at Bruges, it might lead to
+trouble, so I wrote her a letter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This, in a way, has been an exhibition of weakness on my part, as I had
+promised myself that I would not take the first step in reopening
+communication; but I feel that the fortunate death of Stein has
+completely altered the case. I told her in the letter that I realized
+that I had made mistakes, but that if she still loved me with half the
+strength that I loved her, then a telegram to me would make me the
+happiest of men.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I wrote that yesterday, but have had no wire. Perhaps, like me, she
+distrusts telegrams and prefers letters.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+A long letter from Zoe: an accursed fetter--an abominable letter--a
+damnable letter; she still refuses to marry me. I leave for Bruges
+to-night on forty-eight hours' special leave.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>Kiel, 17th.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I hate Zoe, she has broken my heart.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After her preposterous letter of the 14th, I decided that in a matter
+which so closely affected my happiness no stone ought to remain
+unturned to ensure a satisfactory solution of the problem, so I
+determined to have a personal interview. I arrived at Bruges after tea
+and went at once to the flat.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I tackled her immediately on the subject of her letter, and told her
+that naturally I understood that a decent interval must elapse before
+we married; but, granted this fact, I told her that I failed to see
+what prevented our marriage.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A most unpleasant and harrowing scene ensued, the details of which form
+such painful recollections that I really cannot write them down here,
+though in the passage of months I have acquired the habit of writing in
+the pages of this journal with the same freedom as I would talk to that
+wife whom I had hoped to possess. She maintained an obstinate silence
+when I urged her to give me at least some tangible reason as to why she
+would not marry me. She contented herself and maddened me by reflecting
+in a kind of monotone: "I love you, Karl! and am yours, but I cannot
+marry you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I could have beaten her till she was senseless, but I had enough sense
+to realize that with Zoe, whose resolution, considering she is a woman,
+amazes me, force is not the best method. As I continued to press her
+(time was important: had I not journeyed far to see her?), those
+glorious eyes of hers, which I love and whose power I dread, filled
+with tears. I was a brute! I was heartless! I was inconsiderate! I
+could not love her! I was cruel! And I know not what other accusation
+crushed me down.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Broken-hearted and dispirited, I told her to choose there and then.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She collapsed on to a sofa in a storm of tears, and after a severe
+mental struggle I took the only possible course, and leaving the
+room--left her for ever. I have resumed my service life determined to
+cast her out from my mind.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I will not deceive myself: it will be hard. Love and Logic are deadly
+enemies, but Logic must and shall prevail. Though I have seen her for
+the last time, I cannot escape the net of fascination which the girl
+has thrown over me. Perhaps in the course of time I shall slowly emerge
+and free myself from its entanglements. At present I hate her for this
+blow she has dealt me, and yet, O Zoe! my darling, how I long to be
+with you!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+To-day I went through my final test for qualification as U-boat
+commander.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 9 a.m. I proceeded to sea in command of the U.11, one of the
+instructional boats here. We proceeded out into Kiel Bay. On board and
+watching my every movement was a committee consisting of a commander
+and two lieutenant-commanders.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On arrival at the entrance lightship, I was ordered to attack a convoy
+of camouflaged ships which were just visible about fifteen kilometres
+away off the Spit Bank. I had a very shrewd idea as to the course they
+would steer, and on coming up for my final observation I found myself
+in an excellent position, 1,000 metres on the bow of the leading ship.
+The rest was easy. I gave the leader the two bow torpedoes, and,
+turning sixteen points, fired my stern tube at the third ship of the
+line. Two hits were obtained, and I returned to harbour well pleased
+with myself. There is not the slightest chance of having failed to
+qualify.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+My confidence in myself was not misplaced; I heard to-day that I am on
+the command list, and anticipate in a few days being appointed to a
+boat. I wonder which craft I shall get?
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I met the A.D.C. to the Chief of the Staff at the school, at the
+gardens, and in conversation with him discovered that he had heard that
+three boats were being detached from the Flanders flotilla for an
+unknown destination. This has given me an idea, for I feel that I can
+never return to Bruges, and I was rather dreading being appointed to
+one of the boats there. I have dropped a line to Fritz Regels, who is
+on old Max's staff, and told him that I do not wish to return to
+Bruges, and I further hinted that I understood a detached squadron was
+proceeding somewhere, and, as far as I was concerned, the further the
+better, if I could get into it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have tried the night life at this place at the Mascotte and
+Trocadero, [<a href="#f16">16</a>] in order to forget, but it is a poor consolation.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f16">16.</a> Two well-known cabarets at Kiel.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+A letter from Fritz, saying that he has an idea that Korting's boat
+would suit me, though he could not of course give me further details in
+a letter; however, he informs me positively that I shall not be at
+Bruges.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On the strength of this I have wired to Fritz, and asked him to try and
+fix up an exchange between me and Korting, provided the latter is
+agreeable and the people in Max's office have no objection. I have a
+recollection that Korting's boat is one of the U.40--U.60 class, which
+would suit me admirably, and, as for destination, I care not where it
+is, provided only that it be far from Bruges.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>At sea</i>.
+
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have quite neglected my poor old journal for several weeks. But I
+have passed through an extraordinarily busy period.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was approved that I should relieve Korting, whose boat, the U.59, I
+discovered to be refitting at Wilhelmshaven. I was very pleased not to
+go back to Bruges, though as we steam steadily north at this moment I
+cannot escape a sense of deep disappointment that upon my return from
+this trip I shall not enjoy as of old the fascination of Zoe. But I
+shall have plenty of time to get accustomed to this idea, for this is
+no ordinary trip.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are bound for the North Cape and Murman Coast, where we remain until
+well into the cold weather--at any rate, for three months.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our mission is to work off that fogbound and desolate coast, and attack
+the constant stream of traffic between England and Archangel. There are
+two other boats besides ourselves on the job, but we shall all be
+working far apart.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our first billet is off the North Cape. In order to save time, we are
+to be provisioned once a month in one of the fjords. I don't imagine
+the Admiralty will have any difficulty in getting supplies up to us, as
+at the moment we are off the Lofotens, and we actually have not had to
+dive since we left the Bight!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There seems to be nothing on the sea except ourselves. Where is the
+much vaunted and impenetrable web of blockade which the English are
+supposed to have spread around us? And yet many raw materials are
+getting very short with us. I see that in this boat they have replaced
+several copper pipes with steel ones during her refit, and this will
+lead to trouble unless we are careful--steel pipes corrode so badly
+that I never feel ready to trust them for pressure work.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The truth about the blockade is that it is largely a paper blockade,
+yet not ineffective for all that. Unfortunately for us, the damned
+English and their hangers-on control the cables of the world, and hence
+all the markets, and I don't suppose, to take the case of copper, that
+a single pound of it is mined from the Rio Tinto without the British
+Board of Trade knowing all about it. The neutral firms simply dare not
+risk getting put on to the British Black List; it means ruination for
+them. And then all these dollar-grabbing Yankees, enjoying all the
+advantages of war without any of its dangers--they make me sick.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This seems a most profitable job. I have only been up seven days, but
+I've bagged four steamers, all by gun-fire, and all fat ships, brimful
+of stuff for the Russians. My practice has been to make the North Cape
+every day or two to fix position, as the currents are the most abnormal
+in these parts, and I should say that the "Sailing Directions Pilotage
+Handbook" and "Tidal Charts" were compiled by a gentleman at a desk who
+had never visited these latitudes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At the moment I am standing well out to sea, as the immediate vicinity
+of the North Cape has become rather unhealthy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Yesterday afternoon (I had sunk number four in the morning, and the
+crew were still pulling for the coast) four British trawlers turned up.
+These damned little craft seem to turn up wherever one goes. I longed
+to have a bang at them with my gun, but, apart from the uncertainty as
+to what they carried in the way of armament, I have strict orders to
+avoid all that sort of thing, so I dived and steamed slowly west, came
+up at dusk and proceeded to charge up my batteries.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These U.60's are excellent boats, and I am very lucky to get one so
+soon. I suppose Korting, being a married man, wants to stay near his
+wife. I cannot write that word without painful memories of Zoe and idle
+thoughts of what might have been. Well, perhaps it is for the best. I
+am not sure that a member of the U-boat service has the right to get
+married in war-time, for unless he is of exceptional mentality it must
+affect his outlook under certain circumstances, though I think I should
+have been an exception here. Then the anxiety to the woman must be
+enormous; as every trip comes round a voice must cry within her, this
+may be the last. The contrast between the times in harbour and the
+trips is so violent, so shattering and clear cut.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With a soldier's wife, she merely knows that he is at the front; with
+us, at 8 p.m. one may be kissing one's wife in Bruges, and at 6 a.m.
+creeping with nerves on edge through the unknown dangers of the Dover
+Barrage--but I have strayed from what I meant to write about--my first
+command and her crew.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The quarters in this class are immensely superior to the U.C.-boats.
+Here I have a little cabin to myself, with a knee-hole table in it. My
+First Lieutenant, the Navigator and the Engineer have bunks in a room
+together, and then we have a small officers' mess.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On this job up here, as we are not to return to Germany for supplies,
+and, consequently, I should say we may have to live on what we can get
+out of steamers, I don't propose to use my torpedoes unless I meet a
+warship or an exceptionally large steamer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The gun's the thing, as Arnauld de la Perrière has proved in the
+Mediterranean; but half the fellows won't follow his example, simply
+because they don't realize that it's no use employing the gun unless it
+is used accurately, and good shooting only comes after long drill.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have impressed this fact on my gun crew, and particularly the two
+gun-layers, and I make Voigtman (my young First Lieutenant) take the
+crew through their loading drill twice a day, together with practice of
+rapid manning of the gun after a "surface" or rapid abandonment of the
+gun should the diving alarms sound in the middle of practice. I have
+also impressed on Voigtman that I consider that he is the gun control
+officer, and that I expect him to make the efficient working of the gun
+his main consideration.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As regards the crew, they are the usual mixed crowd that one gets
+nowadays: half of them are old sailors, the others recruits and new
+arrivals from the Fleet. My main business at the moment is to get the
+youngsters into shape, and for this purpose I have been doing a number
+of crash dives. It also gives me an opportunity of getting used to the
+boat's peculiarities under water. She seems to have a tendency to
+become tail-heavy, but this may be due to bad trimming.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Voigtman has been in U.B.43 for nine months, and seems a capable
+officer. Socially, I don't think he can boast of much descent, but he
+has no airs, and treats me with pleasing respect, apart from service
+considerations.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+A very awkward accident took place this morning, which resulted in
+severe injury to Johann Wiener, my second coxswain.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A party of men under his direction were engaged in shifting the stern
+torpedo from its tube, in order to replace it with a spare torpedo, as
+I never allow any of my torpedoes to stay in the tube for more than a
+week at a time owing to corrosion. The torpedo which had been in the
+tube had been launched back and was on the floor plates.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The spare torpedo, destined for the vacant tube, was hanging overhead,
+when without any warning the hook on the lifting band fractured, and
+the 1,000 kilogrammes' mass of metal crashed down.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Wonderful to relate, no one was killed, but two men were badly bruised,
+and Wiener has been very seriously injured. He was standing astride the
+spare torpedo, and his right leg was extremely badly crushed, mostly
+below the knee.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Unfortunately it took about ten minutes to release him from his
+position of terrible agony. I should have expected him to faint, but he
+did not. His face went dead white, and he began to sweat freely, but
+otherwise endured his ordeal with praiseworthy fortitude.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/201.jpg"><img src="images/201th.jpg" alt="The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/202a.jpg"><img src="images/202tha.jpg" alt="Good-bye! Steer west for America!"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/202b.jpg"><img src="images/202thb.jpg" alt="It is a snug anchorage and here I intend to remain."></a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am now confronted with a perplexing situation. I cannot take him back
+to Germany; I cannot even leave my station and proceed south to any of
+the Norwegian ports. If I could find a neutral steamer with a doctor on
+board, I would tranship him to her; but the chances of this God-send
+materializing are a thousand to one in these latitudes. If I sighted a
+hospital ship I would close her, but as far as I know at present there
+are no hospital ships running up here. The chances of outside
+assistance may therefore be reckoned as nil. Wiener's hope of life
+depends on me, and I cannot make up my mind to take the step which
+sooner or later must be taken--that is to say, amputation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is a curious fact, but true, nevertheless, that although, as a
+result of the war, men's lives, considered in quantity, seem of little
+importance, when it comes to the individual case, a personal contact, a
+man's life assumes all its pre-war importance.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I feel acutely my responsibility in this matter. I see from his papers
+that he is a married man with a family; this seems to make it worse. I
+feel that a whole chain of people depend on me.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Since I wrote the above words this morning, Wiener has taken a decided
+turn for the worse.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have been reading the "Medical Handbook," with reference to the
+remarks on amputation, gangrene, etc., and I have also been examining
+his leg. The poor devil is in great pain, and there is no doubt that
+mortification has set in, as was indeed inevitable. I have decided that
+he must have his last chance, and that at 8 p.m. to-night I will
+endeavour to amputate.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>Midnight</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have done it--only partially successful.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Last night, in accordance with my decision, I operated on Wiener.
+Voigtman assisted me. It was a terrible business, but I think it
+desirable to record the details whilst they are fresh in my memory, as
+a Court of Inquiry may be held later on. Voigtman and I spent the whole
+afternoon in the study of such meagre details on the subject as are
+available in the "Medical Handbook." We selected our knives and a saw
+and sterilized them; we also disinfected our hands.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 7.45 I dived the boat to sixty metres, at which depth the boat was
+steady. We had done our best with the wardroom-table, and upon this the
+patient was placed. I decided to amputate about four inches above the
+knee, where the flesh still seemed sound. I considered it impracticable
+to administer an anaesthetic, owing to my absolute inexperience in this
+matter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Three men held the patient down, as with a firm incision I began the
+work. The sawing through the bone was an agonizing procedure, and I
+needed all my resolution to complete the task. Up to this stage all had
+gone as well as could be expected, when I suddenly went through the
+last piece of bone and cut deep into the flesh on the other side. An
+instantaneous gush of blood took place, and I realized that I had
+unexpectedly severed the popliteal artery, before Voigtman, who was
+tying the veins, was ready to deal with it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I endeavoured to staunch the deadly flow by nipping the vein between my
+thumb and forefinger, whilst Voigtman hastily tried to tie it. Thinking
+it was tied, I released it, and alas! the flow at once started again;
+once more I seized the vein, and once again Voigtman tried to tie it.
+Useless--we could not stop the blood. He would undoubtedly have bled to
+death before our eyes, had not Voigtman cauterized the place with an
+electric soldering-iron which was handy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Much shaken, I completed the amputation, and we dressed the stump as
+well as we could.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At the moment of writing he is still alive, but as white as snow; he
+must have lost litres of blood through that artery.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+9 <i>p.m.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Wiener died two hours ago. I should say the immediate cause of death
+was shock and loss of blood. I did my best.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We have been out on this extended patrol area seven days, but not a
+wisp of smoke greets our eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Nothing but sea, sea, sea. Oh, how monotonous it is! I cannot make out
+where the shipping has got to. Tomorrow I am going to close the North
+Cape again. I think everything must be going inside me. I am too far
+out here.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+The North Cape bears due east. Nothing afloat in sight. Where the devil
+can all the shipping be? In ten days' time I am due to meet my supply
+ship; meanwhile I think I'll have to take another cast out, of three
+hundred miles or so.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Nothing in sight, nothing, nothing.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The barometer falling fast and we are in for a gale. I have decided to
+make the coast again, as I don't want to fail to turn up punctually at
+the rendezvous.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+In the Standarak-Landholm Fjord--thank heavens.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Heavens! we have had a time. We were still two hundred and fifty miles
+from the coast when we were caught by the gale. And a gale up here is a
+gale, and no second thoughts about it. To say it blew with the force of
+ten thousand devils is to understate the case. The sea came on to us in
+huge foaming rollers like waves of attacking infantry intent on
+overwhelming us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We struggled east at about three knots. But she stuck it magnificently.
+Low scudding clouds obscured the sky and came like a procession of
+ghosts from the north-east. Sun observations were impossible for two
+reasons. Firstly, no one could get on deck; secondly, there was no
+visible sun. This lasted for three days, at the end of which time we
+had only the vaguest idea as to where we were.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The gale then blew out, but, contrary to all expectations, was
+succeeded by a most abominable fog, thick and white like cotton-wool.
+These were hardly ideal conditions under which to close a rocky and
+unknown coast, but it had to be done. The trouble was that it was
+entirely useless taking soundings, as the twenty-metre depth-line on
+the chart went right up to the land. We crept slowly eastwards, till,
+when by dead reckoning we were ten miles inside the coast, the
+Navigator accidentally leant on the whistle lever; this action on his
+part probably saved the ship, as an immediate echo answered the blast.
+In an instant we were going full-speed astern. We altered course
+sixteen points and proceeded ten miles westerly, where we lay on and
+off the coast all night, cursing the fog.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Next day it lifted, and we spent the whole time trying to find the
+entrance to the S. Landholm Fjord. The coast appeared to bear no
+resemblance to the chart whatsoever.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The cliffs stand up to a height of several hundred metres, with
+occasional clefts where a stream runs down. There are no trees, houses,
+animals, or any signs of life, except sea birds, of which there are
+myriads. The Engineer declares he saw a reindeer, but five other people
+on deck failed to see any signs of the beast.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After hours of nosing about, during which my heart was in my mouth, as
+I quite expected to fetch up on a pinnacle rock, items which are
+officially described in the Handbook as being "very numerous," we
+rounded a bluff and got into a place which seems to answer the
+description of S. Landholm. At any rate, it is a snug anchorage, and
+here I intend to remain for a few days, and hope for my store-ship to
+turn up.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I've posted a daylight look-out on top of the bluff; it would be very
+awkward to be caught unawares in this place, which is only about 150
+metres wide in places.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I'm taking advantage of the rest to give the crew some exercises and
+execute various minor repairs to the Diesels.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Yesterday we fought what must be one of the most remarkable single-ship
+actions of the war.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 9 a.m. the look-out on the cliffs reported smoke to the northward.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I got the anchor up and made ready to push off, but still kept the
+look-out ashore. At 9.30 he reported a destroyer in sight, which seemed
+serious if she chose to look into my particular nook.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At any rate, I thought, I wouldn't be caught like a rat, so I got my
+look-out on board--a matter of ten minutes--and then proceeded out,
+trimmed down and ready for diving.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When I drew clear of the entrance I saw the enemy distant about a
+thousand metres. I at once recognized her as being one of the oldest
+type of Russian torpedo boats afloat. When I established this fact, a
+
+devil entered into my mind, and did a most foolhardy act.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I decided that I would not retreat beneath the sea, but that I would
+fight her as one service ship to another.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When I make up my mind, I do so in no uncertain manner--indecision is
+abhorrent to me--and I sharply ordered, "Gun's Crew--Action."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I can still see the comical look of wonderment which passed over my
+First Lieutenant's face, but he knows me, and did not hesitate an
+instant. We drilled like a battleship, and in sixty-five seconds--I
+timed it as a matter of interest--from my order we fired the first
+shot. It fell short.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Extraordinary to relate, the torpedo boat, without firing a gun, put
+her helm hard over, and started to steam away at her full speed, which
+I suppose was about seventeen knots.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I actually began to chase her--a submarine chasing a torpedo boat! It
+was ludicrous.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With broad smiles on their faces, my good gun's crew rapidly fired the
+gun, and we had the satisfaction of striking her once, near her after
+funnel, but it did no vital damage, as a few minutes afterwards she
+drew out of range! What a pack of incompetent cowards!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They never fired a shot at us. I suppose half of them were drunk or
+else in a state of semi-mutiny, for one hears strange tales of affairs
+in Russia these days.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The whole incident was quite humorous, but I realized that I had hardly
+been wise, as without doubt the English will hear of this, and these
+trawlers of theirs will turn up, and I'm certainly not going to try any
+heroics with John Bull, who is as tough a fighter as we are.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Meanwhile, what of the supply ship, for I'm supposed to meet her here,
+and it's already twenty-four hours since yesterday's epoch-making
+battle and I expect the English any moment.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+My doubts were removed for me since I received special orders at noon
+by high-power wireless from Nordreich, and on decoding them found that,
+for some reason or other, we are ordered to proceed to Muckle Flugga
+Cape, and thence down the coast of Shetlands to the Fair Island
+Channel, where we are directed to cruise till further orders. Special
+warning is included as to encountering friendly submarines.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It appears to me that a special concentration of U-boats is being
+ordered round about the Orkneys, and that some big scheme is on hand.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are now steering south-westerly to make Muckle Flugga, which I hope
+to do in four days' time if the weather holds.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These Northern waters have proved very barren of shipping in the last
+few weeks, and this fact, coupled with the approaching winter weather,
+which must be fiendish in these latitudes, makes me quite ready to
+exchange the Archangel billet for the work round the Orkneys and
+Shetlands, though this is damnable enough in the winter, in all
+conscience.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There is only one fly in the ointment, and that is that this premature
+return to North Sea waters might conceivably mean a visit to Zeebrugge,
+though this class are not likely to be sent there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Though it is many weeks since I left Zoe, I have not been able to
+forget her. I continually wonder what she is doing, and often when I am
+not on my guard she wanders into my thoughts.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Whilst I am up here, it does not matter much, except that it causes me
+unhappiness, but if I found myself at Bruges it would be very hard.
+However, I don't suppose I shall ever see her again.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Sighted Muckle Flugga this morning, and shaped course for Fair Island.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Oh! what a hell I have passed through. I can hardly realize that I am
+alive, but I am, though whether I shall be to-morrow morning is
+doubtful--it all depends on the weather, and who would willingly stake
+their life on North Sea weather at this time of the year?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Curses on the man who sent us to the Fair Island Channel. Where the
+devil is our Intelligence Service? If we make Flanders I have a story
+to tell that will open their eyes, blind bats that they are,
+luxuriating in the comfort of their fat staff jobs ashore.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Fair Island Channel is an English death-trap; it stinks with death.
+By cursed luck we arrived there just as the English were trying one of
+their new devices, and it is the devil. Exactly what the system is, I
+don't quite know, and I hope never again to have to investigate it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For forty-seven, hours we have been hunted like a rat, and now, with
+the pressure hull leaking in three places, and the boat half full of
+chlorine, we are struggling back on the surface, practically incapable
+of diving at least for more than ten minutes at a time. Even on the
+surface, with all the fans working, one must wear a gas mask to
+penetrate the fore compartment. Oh! these English, what devils they
+are!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here is what happened:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Fair Island was away on our port beam when we sighted a large English
+trawler, which I suspected of being a patrol. To be on the safe side, I
+dived and proceeded at twenty metres for about an hour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 5 p.m. (approximately) I came up to periscope depth to have a look
+round, but quickly dived again as I discovered a trawler, steering on
+the same course as myself, about a thousand metres astern of me. This
+was the more disconcerting, as in the short time at my disposal it
+seemed to me that she was remarkably similar to the craft I had seen in
+the afternoon, and yet this hardly seemed likely, as I did not think
+she could have sighted me then.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On diving, I altered course ninety degrees, and proceeded for half an
+hour at full speed, then altered another ninety degrees, in the same
+direction as the previous alteration, and diving to thirty metres I
+proceeded at dead slow. By midnight I had been diving so much that I
+decided to get a charge on the batteries before dawn; I also wanted to
+be up at 1 a.m. to make my position report.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I surfaced after a good look round through the right periscope, which,
+as usual, revealed nothing. I had hardly got on the bridge, when a
+flash of flame stabbed the night on the starboard beam and a shell
+moaned just overhead.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I crash-dived at once, but could not get under before the enemy fired a
+second shot at us, which fortunately missed us. As we dived I ordered
+the helm hard a starboard, to counteract the expected depth-charge
+attack. We must have been a hundred and fifty metres from the first
+charge and a little below it, five others followed in rapid succession,
+but were further away, and we suffered no damage beyond a couple of
+broken lights. The situation was now extremely unpleasant. I did not
+dare venture to the surface, and thus missed my 1 a.m. signal from
+Headquarters. I wanted a charge badly, and so proceeded at the lowest
+possible speed. At regular intervals our enemy dropped one depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, but these reports always seemed the same
+distance away.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At dawn I very cautiously came up to periscope depth, and had a look.
+To my consternation I discovered our relentless pursuer about 1,500
+metres away on the port quarter. In some extraordinary manner he had
+tracked us during the night.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I dived and altered course through ninety degrees to south.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 9 a.m. a tremendous explosion shook the boat from stem to stern,
+smashing several lights, and giving her a big inclination up by the
+bow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I was only at twenty metres I feared the boat would break surface,
+and our enemy was evidently very nearly right over us. I at once
+ordered hard to dive, and went down to the great depth of ninety-five
+metres.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A series of shattering explosions somewhere above us showed that we
+were marked down, and we were only saved from destruction by our great
+depth, the English charges being set apparently to about thirty metres.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At noon the situation was critical in the extreme. My battery density
+was down to 1,150, the few lamps that I had burning were glowing with a
+faint, dull red appearance, which eloquently told of the falling
+voltage and the dying struggles of the battery.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The motors with all fields out were just going round. The faces of the
+crew, pallid with exhaustion, seemed of an ivory whiteness in the dusky
+gloom of the boat, which never resembled a gigantic and fantastically
+ornamental coffin so closely as she did at that time.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The air was fetid. I struck a match; it went out in my fingers. The
+slightest effort was an agony. I bent down to take off my sea-boots,
+and cold sweat dropped off my forehead, and my pulse rose with a kind
+of jerk to a rapid beating, like a hammer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I left one sea-boot on.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 1 p.m. a deputation of the crew came aft, and in whispered voices
+implored me to surface the boat and make a last effort on the surface.
+A muffled report, as our implacable enemy dropped a depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, added point to the conversation, and showed me
+that our appearance on the surface could have but one end.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 3 p.m. the second coxswain, who was working the hydroplanes, fell
+off his stool in a dead faint.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 3.30 p.m. the supreme crisis was reached: two more men fainted, and
+I realized that if I did not surface at once I might find the crew
+incapable of starting the Diesels.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At the order "Surface," a feeble cheer came from the men.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We surfaced, and I dragged myself-up to the conning tower. Luckily we
+started the Diesels with ease, and in a few minutes gusts of beautiful
+air were circulating through the boat.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Meanwhile, what of the enemy? I had half expected a shell as soon as we
+came up, and it was with great anxiety that I looked round. We had been
+slightly favoured by fortune in that the only thing in sight was a
+trawler away on the port beam. It was our hunter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I trimmed right down, hoping to avoid being seen, as it was essential
+to stay on the surface and get some amperes into the battery. I also
+altered course away from him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was about 5 p.m. that I saw two trawlers ahead, one on each bow. By
+this time the boat's crew had quite recovered, but I did not wish to
+dive, as the battery was still pitiably low. I gradually altered course
+to north-east, but after half an hour's run I almost ran on top of a
+group of patrols in the dusk.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I crash-dived, and they must have seen me go down, as a few minutes
+later the boat was violently shaken by a depth-charge.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were at twenty metres, still diving at the time. I consulted the
+chart, but could find no bottoming ground within fifty miles, a
+distance which was quite beyond my powers.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At 11 p.m. I simply had to come up again and get a charge on the
+batteries.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+From 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., at regular half-hourly intervals, a
+depth-charge had gone off somewhere within a radius of two miles of me.
+Needless to say, I was only crawling along at about one knot and
+altering course frequently. What was so terrible was the patent fact
+that the patrols in this area had evidently got some device which
+enabled them to keep in continual touch with me to a certain extent.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These monotonous and regular depth-charges seemed to say: "We know, Oh!
+U-boat, that we are somewhere near you, and here is a depth-charge just
+to tell you that we haven't lost you yet." [<a href="#f17">17</a>]
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f17">17.</a> Karl was quite right; it is evident that he had the
+misfortune to encounter one of our new hydrophone-hunting groups, just
+started In the Fair Island Channel. The incident of the depth-charges
+every half-hour was known as "Tickling up." Probably the patrol only
+heard faint noises from him.--ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As an hour had elapsed since the last depth-charge, I felt fairly happy
+at coming up, and on making the surface I was delighted to find a
+pitch-black night and a considerable sea. From 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. I
+actually had three hours of peace, and in this period I managed to cram
+a considerable amount of stuff into the batteries. The densities were
+rising nicely and all seemed well, when I did what I now see was a very
+foolish thing.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I made my 1 a.m. wireless report to Nordreich, in which I requested
+orders at 3 a.m. and reported my position, together with the fact that
+I had been badly hunted.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In twenty-five minutes they were on me again! I had most idiotically
+assumed that the English had no directional wireless in these parts.
+They have. They've got everything that they have ever tried up there;
+it was concentrated in that infernal Fair Island Channel.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was only saved by seeing a destroyer coming straight at me,
+silhouetted against, the low-lying crescent of a new moon. When I dived
+she was about six hundred metres away. As I have confessed to doing a
+foolish thing, I give myself the pleasure of recording a cleverer move
+on my part. I anticipated depth-charge attack as a matter of course,
+but instead of going down to twenty-five metres, I kept her at twelve.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The depth-charges came all right, seven smashing explosions, but, as I
+had calculated, they were set to go off at about thirty metres, and so
+were well below me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The boat was thrown bodily up by one, and I think the top of the
+conning tower must have broken surface, but there was little danger of
+this being seen in the prevailing water conditions.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I have just had to stop recording my experiences of the past
+forty-eight hours, as the Navigator, who is on watch, sent down a
+message to say that smoke was in sight.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The next hour was full of anxiety, but by hauling off to port we
+managed to lose it. I then had a little food, and I will now conclude
+my account before trying again to get some sleep.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>The account continued.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All my hopes of getting up again that night, both for the purpose of
+charging and of getting the 3 a.m. signal, were doomed to be
+disappointed, as the hydrophone operator kept on reporting the noise of
+destroyers overhead. Occasional distant thuds seemed to indicate a
+never-ending supply of depth-charges, but they were about four or five
+miles from me. Perhaps some other unfortunate devil was going through
+the fires of hell.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At daylight on the second day my position was still miserable. The
+battery was getting low again, the sea had gone down, and when I put my
+periscope up at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed with patrols. I
+felt as if I was in an invisible net, and though I endeavoured to
+conceal my apprehension from the crew, I could see from the listless
+way they went about their duties that they realized that once again we
+were near the end of our resources.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All the forenoon we crept along at thirty metres, until the tension was
+broken at 1 p.m. by a furious depth-charge attack. In some
+extraordinary way they had located me again and closed in upon me. The
+first charges were some little distance off, and as they got closer a
+feeling of desperation overcame me, and I seriously contemplated ending
+the agony by surfacing and fighting to the last with my gun.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Curiously enough, the procedure that I adopted was the exact opposite.
+I decided to dive deep. I went down to 114 metres. At this exceptional
+depth, three rivets in the pressure hull began to leak, and jets of
+water with the rigidity of bars of iron shot into the boat. I held on
+for five minutes, which was sufficient to save me from the depth-charge
+attack, though two which went off almost above me broke some lamps. I
+then came up to twenty metres and slowly crawled on. Throughout the
+long afternoon, though we were not directly attacked again, I heard
+depth-charges on several occasions sufficiently close to me to
+demonstrate that these implacable and tireless devils had an idea of
+the area I was in.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By a supreme effort, working one motor at the only speed it would go,
+viz., "Dead slow," I managed to squeeze out the battery until I
+estimated it must be dusk.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was only one thing to do--I surfaced. It was not as dark as I had
+hoped, and I saw a fairly large sloop-like vessel, about eight thousand
+metres away, on the port beam. She must have seen me simultaneously, as
+the flash of a gun darted from her, the shell falling short.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I couldn't dive; there seemed only one thing to do: fight and then die.
+I ordered the gun's crew up, and the unequal duel began. We were going
+full speed on the Diesels, and my course was east by north. A good deal
+of water and spray was flying over the gun, and my crew had little hope
+of doing much accurate shooting, but I have often found that when one
+is being fired at there is nothing so comforting as the sound of one's
+own gun.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our enemy was armed with two large guns, fifteen centimetres or over,
+but had no speed, a discovery which raised my hopes again. It was soon
+evident that, provided we were not heading for another patrol, if we
+could survive ten minutes' shelling, we should be saved for the time
+being by the fading light, which was evidently causing our enemy
+increasing difficulties, as his shots alternated between very short and
+very much over.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was actually congratulating the Navigator on our escape, and I had
+just told the gun's crew to cease firing at the blurred outlines on the
+port quarter from which the random shells still came, when there was a
+sheet of yellow flame and a jar which threw me against the signalman.
+The latter had been standing near the conning-tower hatch, and
+unfortunately I knocked him off his balance, and he fell with a thud
+into the upper conning tower. He had the good fortune to escape with a
+couple of ribs broken, but when I recovered myself and got to my feet,
+far worse consequences met my eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By the worst of ill-luck, a shell which must have been fired
+practically at random had hit the gun just below the port trunnion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The result of the explosion was very severe. Four of the seven men at
+the gun had been blown overboard, the breech worker was uninjured,
+though from the way he swayed about it was evident that he was dazed,
+and I expected to see him fall over the side at any moment. The
+remaining two men were as dead as horse-flesh.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The material damage was even more serious. The gun had been practically
+thrown out of its cradle, but in the main the trunnion blocks had held
+firm, and the whole pedestal had been carried over to starboard.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The really terrible effects of this injury were not apparent at first
+sight, but I soon realized them, for an hour later (we had shaken off
+the sloop) I saw red flame on the horizon, which plainly indicated
+flaming at the funnel from some destroyer doubtless looking for us at
+high speed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I dived, intending to surface again as soon as possible. With this
+intention in my head, I did not go below the upper conning tower. We
+had barely got to ten metres, when loud cries from below and the
+disquieting noise of rushing water told me that something was wrong. I
+blew all tanks, surfaced, left the First Lieutenant on watch and went
+below.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There were five centimetres of water on the battery boards, and I
+understood at once that we could never dive again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For the pedestal of the gun, in being forced over, had strained the
+longitudinal seam of the pressure hull, to which it is bolted, and a
+shower of water had come through as soon as we got under.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It might have been hoped that this was enough, but no! our cup was not
+yet full. Chlorine gas suddenly began to fill the fore-end. The salt
+water running down into the battery tanks had found acid, and though I
+ordered quantities of soda to be put down into the tank, it became, and
+still is at the moment of writing, impossible to move forward of the
+conning tower without putting on a gas mask and oxygen helmet. So we
+are helpless, and at the mercy of any little trawler, or even the
+weather.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We have no gun; we cannot dive. The English must know that they have
+hit us, and every hour I expect to see the hull of a destroyer climb
+over the horizon astern.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are fortunate in two respects: in that for the time being the
+weather seems to promise well, and our Diesels are thoroughly sound.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are ordered to Zeebrugge--I could have wished elsewhere for many
+reasons, but it does not matter, as I cannot believe we are intended to
+escape.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I feel I would almost welcome an enemy ship, it would soon be over; but
+this uncertainty and anxiety drags on for hour after hour--and now I
+cannot sleep, though I haven't slept properly for over seventy hours. I
+am so worn out that my body screams for sleep, but it is denied to me,
+and so, lest I go mad, I write; it is better to do this, though my eyes
+ache and the letters seem to wriggle, than to stand up on the bridge
+looking for the smoke of our enemies, or to lie in my bunk and count
+the revolutions of the Diesels; thousands of thousands of thudding
+beats, one after the other, relentless hammer strokes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have endured much.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>NOTE BY ETIENNE</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>A break occurs in Karl von Schenk's diary at this juncture. Fortunately
+the main outlines of the story are preserved owing to Zoe's long
+letter, which was in a small packet inside the cover of the second
+notebook. Zoe's letter will be reproduced in this book in its proper
+chronological position, but in order to save the reader the trouble of
+reading the book from the letter back to this point, a brief summary of
+what took place is given here. The entries in his diary which follow
+the words "I have endured much," are very meagre for a period which
+seems to have been about a month in length. There is no further mention
+of the latter stages of Karl's passage in the wrecked boat to
+Zeebrugge, so it is presumed that he made that port without further
+adventure. He was evidently on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and
+appears to have been suffering from very severe insomnia. He had been
+hunted for two days, during which he was perpetually on the verge of
+destruction, and the cumulative effect of such an experience is bound
+to leave its mark on the strongest man. When he got back to Zeebrugge
+he must have been at the end of his tether, and whether by chance or
+design it was when Karl was, as he would have said, "at a low mental
+ebb" that Zoe made her last and successful attack upon his resolution
+not to see her again unless she consented to marry him. It is plain
+from her letter that when he left her after the stormy interview in
+which he vowed never to see her again, Zoe did not lose hope. She seems
+to have kept herself</i> au courant <i>with his movements, and actually to
+have known when he was expected in.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>We know that she had many friends amongst the officers, and it is
+probable that from one of these she was able to get information about
+Karl's movements.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>Bruges was probably a hot-bed of U-boat gossip, and, not unlike the
+conditions at certain other Naval ports during the war, the ladies were
+often too well informed. At any rate it appears that Zoe rushed to see
+Karl directly he arrived at Bruges, and found him a mental and physical
+wreck, suffering from acute insomnia.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>With the impetuous vigour which evidently guided most of her actions,
+she took complete charge of Karl, and, as he was due for four days'
+leave, she whisked him off to the forest.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>Karl may have protested, but was probably in no state to wish to do so.
+At her shooting-box in the forest Zoe achieved her desire, and the
+stubborn struggle between the lovers ended in victory for the woman.
+There is an entry in Karl's diary which may refer to this period; he
+simply says, "Slept at last! Oh, what a joy!"</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>If this entry was written in the forest, it seemed as if Karl had been
+unable to sleep until Zoe carried him off to the forest peace of her
+shooting-box and surrounded him with the atmosphere of her tender
+sympathy.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>There is no evidence of the light in which Karl viewed his defeat,
+when, having regained his strength, he was able to take stock of the
+changed situation. It is reasonable to suppose that his silence upon
+this matter in the pages of his diary is evidence that he was ashamed
+of what he must have considered a great act of weakness on his part.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>At all events he realized that he had crossed the Rubicon and that he
+had better acquiesce in the</i> fait accompli.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>He seems to have been in harbour for about six weeks, during which he
+lived with Zoe, and the lovers enjoyed a brief spell of happiness
+before Karl set out on his next trip.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>Karl seems to have found those six weeks very pleasant ones, though his
+diary merely contains brief references, such as: "A. day in the country
+with Z."; "Z. and I went to the Cavalry dance," and other trivial
+entries--of his thoughts there is not a word.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>About the end of 1917 Karl's boat was repaired, and he left for the
+Atlantic; and once more resumed full entries in his diary.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>Karl's Diary resumed</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sailed at 9 p.m. last night, and we are now seventeen miles off Beachy
+Head. The Straits of Dover were frightful; the glare of the acetylene
+flares on the barrage showed for miles. Seen from a distance it gave me
+the impression of the gates of hell, through which we had to pass.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I dived, ten miles away, and went through with the tide at a depth of
+forty metres.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Two hours and three quarters of suspense, and at dawn we came up,
+having passed safely through the great deathtrap. At the moment there
+is nothing in sight, except a little smoke on the horizon. I am going
+to dive again till dusk.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+2 <i>a.m.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We are thrashing down the Channel with a south-westerly wind right
+ahead. My instructions are to work for two days between the Lizard and
+Kinsale Head, and then proceed far out in the Atlantic, where the
+convoys are supposed to meet the destroyers.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That Fair Island Channel experience was enough for a lifetime. Death,
+quick, short and sudden, this I am ready for. But torture, slow, long
+and drawn-out, is not in the bargain which in this year of grace every
+civilized man and half the savages of the world seem to have had to
+make with the god Mars.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I sit in this steel, cigar-shaped mass of machinery, the question
+rings incessantly in my ears: "To what object is all this war directed,
+when analysed from the point of view of the individual?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It does not satisfy any longing of mine. I have not got a lust for
+battle: no one who fights has a lust for battle. Editors of newspapers
+and people on General
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Staffs, possibly also Cabinet Ministers, have lusts for battles, as
+long as they arrange the battle and talk about it afterwards--curse
+them!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The only thing I want is to be with Zoe. I want to live and spend long
+years with her, enjoying life--this life of which I have spent half
+already, and now perhaps it will be taken from me by some other man:
+some Englishman who doesn't really want to take my life, reckoned as an
+individual.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Around me in the darkness are the patrol boats, manned by the
+Englishmen who are seeking my life. Seeking it, not to gratify their
+private emotions, but because we are all in the whirlpool of War and
+cannot escape.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Like an avalanche, it seems to gather strength and speed as it rolls
+on, this War of Nations. The world must be mad! I cannot see how it can
+ever stop. England will never be defeated at sea. We shall conquer on
+land--then what?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+An inconclusive peace.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Even if we smash this island Empire and gain the dominion of the world,
+how will it advantage me? I can see no way in which I can gain.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It would be said, if any one should read this: <i>Gott</i>! what a selfish
+point of view--he thinks only of his personal gain, not of his country.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But, confound it all, I reply, answer me this:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Do I exist for my country, or does my country exist for me?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For example, does man live for the sake of the Church, or was the
+Church created for man?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Does not my country exist for my benefit?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Surely it is so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then again, I am risking my all, my life; I live in danger,
+apprehension and great discomfort; I do all these things, and yet if as
+a reasonable man I ponder what advantage I am to gain from all these
+sacrifices I am adjudged selfish.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is all madness; I cannot fathom the meaning of these things.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+In position on the Bristol line of approach, the weather is bad.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>At twenty metres.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Once again Death has stretched forth his bony fingers to catch me by
+the throat, and only by a chance have I wriggled free.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Yesterday afternoon at 5 p.m. we sighted a small steamer flying Spanish
+colours and steering for Cardiff. The weather was choppy, but not too
+bad, and I decided to exercise the gun's crew, though I did not think
+there would be much doing, as the Spaniards soon give in.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I opened fire at six thousand metres, and pitched a shell ahead of her
+and ran up the signal to heave-to. The wretched little craft paid no
+attention, and continued on her lumbering course. I suspected the
+presence of an Englishman on her bridge, and determined to hit.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This we did with our sixth shot, and she stopped dead and wallowed in
+the trough, with clouds of steam pouring out of her engine-room; we had
+evidently got the engine-room.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As we closed her, it was evident that a tremendous panic was taking
+place on board. The port sea boat was being launched, but one fall
+broke and the occupants fell into the water. My Navigator begged me to
+give her another, which I did, and hit her right aft. Two boatloads of
+gesticulating individuals now appeared from the shelter of her lee side
+and began pulling wildly away from the ship.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Navigator, whose eyes were dancing with excitement, was very keen
+to play with them by spraying the water with machine-gun bullets; but
+it seemed to me to be waste of ammunition, and I would not permit it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Meanwhile we had approached to within about four hundred metres of her
+port bow. I was debating whether to accelerate her sinking, when I
+noticed that a fire had broken out aft, and I became possessed with a
+childish curiosity to see the fire being put out as she sank. It was a
+kind of contest between the elements.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I watched her, I was startled to hear three or four reports from the
+region of the fire.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ammunition!" shouted the pilot, with wide-opened eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In an instant I pressed the diving alarm as I realized our deadly
+peril. Fool that I had been, she was a decoy-ship. They must have
+realized on board that I had seen through their disguise, for as we
+began to move forward, under the motors, a trap-door near her bows fell
+down, the white ensign was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened
+fire from the embrasure that was revealed on her side.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were fortunate in that our conning tower was already right ahead of
+the enemy, and as I dropped down into the conning tower, I saw that as
+she could not turn we were safe.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A few shells plunged harmlessly into the water near our stern, and then
+we were under.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We came up to a periscope depth, and I surveyed her from a position off
+her stern. She was sinking fast, but I felt so furious at being nearly
+trapped that I could not resist giving her a torpedo; detonation was
+complete, and a mass of wreckage shot into the air as the hull of the
+ship disappeared. As to the two boats, I left them to make the best
+course to land that they could.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As they were fifty miles off the shore when I left them and it blew
+force six a few hours afterwards, I rather think they have joined the
+list of "Missing." We are now steering due west to our second position.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Received orders last night to return to base forthwith on the north
+about route. [<a href="#f18">18</a>]
+</p>
+
+<p class="ind">
+<a name="f18">18.</a> This means into the North Sea round Scotland.--
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have shaped course to pass fifty miles north of Muckle Flugga; no
+more Fair Island Channel for me.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Statlandlet in sight, with the Norwegian coast looking very lovely
+under the snow--we never saw a ship from north of the Shetlands to this
+place, when we saw a light cruiser of the town class steaming
+south-west at high speed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She had probably been on patrol off this place, where the Inner and
+Outer Leads join up and ships have to leave the three-mile limit.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She was well away from me, and an attack would have been useless. I did
+not shed any tears; I have lost much of the fire-eating ideas which
+filled my mind when I first joined this service.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We are due off the mole at 8 p.m. tonight, and my heart leaps with joy
+at the thought of seeing my Zoe; already I can almost imagine her
+lovely arms round my neck, her face raised to mine, and all the other
+wonderful things that make her so glorious in my eyes.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>NOTE BY ETIENNE</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Before quoting the next entry in Karl's journal it is necessary to
+explain the situation which confronted him when he arrived in
+Zeebrugge. In his absence, his beloved Zoe had been arrested as an
+Allied Agent, and she was tried for espionage within a day or two of
+his arrival. There is no record of how he heard the news, and the blow
+he sustained was probably so terrible that whilst there was yet hope he
+felt no desire to write; but, as will be seen, there came a time when
+he turned to his journal as the last friend that remained to him. It is
+a curious fact that, with the exception of an entry at the beginning of
+this journal, Karl makes little mention of his mother and home at
+Frankfurt. Though he does not say so, it seems possible that his mother
+had heard of his entanglement with Zoe, and a barrier had risen between
+them; this suggestion gains strength from the fact that in his blackest
+moments of despair he never seems to consider the question of turning
+to Frankfurt for sympathy. Interest is naturally aroused as to the
+details of Zoe's trial. The available material consists solely of the
+long letter she wrote to him from Bruges jail. It may be that one day
+the German archives of the period of occupation will reveal further
+details. Information on the subject is possibly at the disposal of the
+British Intelligence Service, but this would be kept secret. All we
+know on the matter is derived from the letter, which has been preserved
+inside the second volume of Karl's diary.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There seems no doubt that she was caught red-handed, but to say more
+would be to anticipate her own words.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was a matter of some difficulty to know where best to introduce
+Zoe's letter, but with a view to securing as much continuity of thought
+in the story as possible it has been decided to quote it at this
+juncture, although he did not receive it until after he had made the
+entry in the journal which will be quoted directly after the letter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I would like to appeal to any reader who may happen to be engaged in
+administrative or reconstructive work in Belgium, to communicate with
+me, care of Messrs. Hutchinson, should he handle any papers dealing
+with Zoe's trial.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>ETIENNE</i>.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+ZOE'S LETTER
+</p>
+
+<p>
+MY BEST BELOVED,
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When you get this letter cease to sorrow for what will have happened,
+for I shall be at rest, and in peace at last, freed from a world in
+which I have known bitter sorrow and, until you came into my life, but
+little joy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For these past months I am grateful to God, if such a being exists and
+regulates the conduct of a world gone mad.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For in a few hours I am to die.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is harder for you than for me; one moment of agony I suffered, a
+moment that seemed to last a century, when, amidst the sea of faces
+that swam in a confused mass before me at the trial, I saw your eyes
+and the torture that you were suffering. When I saw your eyes I knew
+that the President had said I must die. I am glad that I was told this
+by you, the only one amongst all these men who loved me. I suppose the
+President spoke; I never heard him, but I saw your eyes and I knew.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My darling, it was cruel of you to come, cruel to me and cruel to
+yourself, but I loved you for being there; it showed me that up till
+the last you would stand by me, and until you read this you cannot know
+all the facts. That to you, as to the others, I must have seemed a
+woman spy and that nevertheless you stood by me, is to me a
+recollection of unsurpassable sweetness, compared with which all other
+thoughts of you fade into insignificance.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Know now, oh, well beloved, that I was not unworthy of your love.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have a story to tell you, and I have such a little time left that I
+must write quickly. The priest who has been with me comes again an hour
+before the dawn, and he has promised to deliver these my last words of
+love into your hands.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My real name is Zoe Xenia Olga Sbeiliez, and I was born twenty-nine
+years ago at my father's country house at Inkovano, near Koniesfol. I
+am Polish; at least, my father was, and my mother comes from the Don
+country. There was a day when my father's ancestors were Princes in
+Poland. Poor Poland was torn by the vultures of Europe, just as your
+countrymen, my Karl, are tearing poor Belgium and France, and so my
+family lost estates year by year, and my grandfather is buried
+somewhere in the dreary steppes of Siberia because he dared to be a
+Polish patriot.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My father bowed before the storm, and under my mother's influence he
+never became mixed up with politics. Thus he lived on his estates at
+Inkovano, and nursed them for my younger brother, Alexandrovitch, the
+child of his old age. Alex would be nineteen now, had he lived. The
+estates were large as these things go in Western Europe, but they were
+but a garden as compared with the lands held by my great-grandfather,
+Boris Sbeiliez.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My father had a dream, and he dreamed this dream from the day Alex was
+born to the day they both died in each other's arms.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My father dreamt that one day the Tsars would soften their heart to
+Poland, and raise her up from the dust to a place amongst the nations,
+and my father dreamt that Alexandrovitch Sbeiliez would become a leader
+of Poland, as his ancestors had been before him. And so my father
+nursed his estates and pinched and saved, in preparation for the day
+when his beautiful dream should come true.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/251.jpg"><img src="images/251th.jpg" alt="A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure that was revealed on her side"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/252.jpg"><img src="images/252th.jpg" alt="I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers there..."></a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My poor idealistic father never realized, oh, my Karl, that when one
+wants a thing one must fight--to the death. Alex was the apple of his
+eye, but I was much loved by my mother; perhaps she dreamed a dream
+about me--I know not, but she determined that I should have all that
+was necessary. Paris, Berlin, Munich, Dresden, and a season in London,
+then I came home at twenty-one, perfectly educated according to the
+world, beautiful according to men, and dressed according to Paris. But
+I was only to find out how little I knew. My mother and I used to take
+a house in Warsaw for the season, and I met many notable men and women.
+In these days I, also, thought I could do something for Poland, but
+after two or three seasons I found that I, too, was only dreaming idle
+dreams. Oh! my beloved, beware of dreaming idle dreams.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Listen! I once met the Prime Minister of all Russia at a reception. I
+captivated him, and thought, now! now! I shall do something.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I sat next to him at dinner; I talked of Poland--and I knew my
+subject--I talked brilliantly; he listened, he hung on my words, and
+he, the Prime Minister of all Russia, the Tsar's right-hand man, asked
+me to drive with him next day in his sledge. I, an almost unknown
+Polish girl!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When I accepted, I was in the seventh heaven of delight.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Next day he called and we set forth; at a deserted spot in the woods
+near Warsaw he tried to kiss me--I struck him in the face with the butt
+of his own whip.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That was why he had hung on my words, that was why he had taken me for
+my drive; it was my Polish body that interested <i>him</i>--not Poland.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Prime Minister of Russia was confined to his room for two days,
+"owing to an indisposition." How I laughed when I saw the bulletin in
+the paper, signed by two doctors, but it taught me a lesson; I never
+dreamt idle dreams again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No, I am wrong, my beloved. I dreamt an idle dream, a lovely dream
+about you and I. An after-the-war dream, if this war should ever end,
+but like other dreams it has ended--in dreams.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I must hurry, for my little watch tells me that one hour of my five
+has gone, and I have much to say.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I could have married, and married brilliantly, but Poland held me back.
+I did not know what I could do for my country, it all seemed so
+hopeless, and yet I felt that perhaps one day ... and I felt I ought to
+be single when that day came.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was not easy, my Karl, sometimes it was hard; one man there was,
+Sergius was his Christian name; he loved me madly, and sometimes I
+thought--but no matter, he is dead now, killed at Tannenberg, and
+I--well, I will tell you more of my story.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the war broke out and clouded over that last beautiful summer in
+1914 (I wonder will there ever be another like it in your lifetime, my
+Karl? No, I don't think it can ever be quite the same after all this!),
+we were all in the country. Alex was back from his school in Petrograd,
+and my father kept him at home for the autumn term.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How well I remember the excitement, the mobilization, the blessing of
+the colours, the wave of patriotism which swept over the country; even
+I, under the influence of the specious proclamations that were issued
+broadcast by the Government, with their promises of reform, and redress
+for Poland after the war was over, felt more Russian than Polish. Lies!
+Lies! Lies! that was what the Government promises were, my Karl.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Under the stress of war the rottenness of that great whited sepulchre,
+Russia, feared the revival of the Polish spirit; it might have been
+awkward, and so they lied with their tongues in their cheeks, and we
+simple Poles believed them; the peasantry flocked to their depots,
+little knowing whom they fought, but the proclamations which were read
+to them told them they fought for Poland, and we women worked and
+prayed for the success of Russian arms.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then the tide of war swept westward, and all day long and every day the
+troops, and the guns and the motor-cars and the wagons rolled through
+the village to the west.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Guarded hints in the papers seemed to say that all was not well in
+France, but France was so far away, and all the time the Russians were
+going west through our village. Mighty Russia was putting forth her
+strength, and the Austrian debacle was in full swing; these were great
+days, my Karl, for a Russian!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then one day the long columns of men and all the traffic seemed to
+hesitate in the sluggish westward flow, and then it stopped, and then
+it began to go east. The weeks went on, and one day, very, very
+faintly, there was a rumbling like a distant thunderstorm. It was the
+guns! The front was coming back.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Have you ever seen forest fires, my Karl? We had them every autumn in
+our woods. If you have, then you know how all the small animals and the
+birds, the rabbits and the foxes, and perhaps a wolf or two, and the
+deer, and the thrushes and the linnets come out from the shelter of the
+trees, fleeing blindly from the great peril, anxious only to save their
+lives. So it was when the front came back. Herds of moujiks, the old
+men, the women, the children, the poor little babies, struggled blindly
+eastwards through the village.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Pushing their miserable household gods on handcarts, or staggering
+along with loads on their backs, and weary children dragging at their
+arms, the human tide flowed eastwards, round our house, begged perhaps
+a drink of water, and then wandered feverishly onwards.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They knew not in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred where they were
+going; their only destination was summed up in the words, "Away from
+the Front"--away from the ominous rumbling which began to get louder,
+away from that western horizon which was beginning to have a lurid glow
+at nights, like a sunset prolonged to dawn.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then, as the Germans advanced more and more, the character of the tide
+changed, the civilian element was outnumbered by the military.
+Companies, battalions, brigades, sometimes in good order, sometimes in
+no order, marched through the village. They would often halt for a
+short time, and the officers would come up to the house, where my
+mother and I gave them what we could. My father lived amongst his books
+and accounts, and bemoaned the extravagance of the war. Then there were
+the deserters, the stragglers, the walking wounded, the--but you know,
+my Karl, what an army in retreat means.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I must proceed with my story, for time moves relentlessly on.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One day a desperately wounded officer, a young Lieutenant of the Guard,
+a boy of twenty-five, was taken out of a motor ambulance to die.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The ambulance had stopped opposite our gates, and lying on his
+stretcher he had seen our garden, my garden. He knew he was to die, and
+he had begged with tears in his eyes to the doctor that he might be
+left in the garden.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Who could refuse him?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He died within two hours, amongst our flowers, with Alex and I at his
+side.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Before he died, he begged us, implored us, almost ordered us, to move
+east before it was too late.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We repeated his arguments to my father, but the latter was obdurate,
+and he swore that a regiment of angels would not move him from his
+ancestral home. So we made up our minds to stay.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Things got worse and worse, and one day shells fell in the grounds and
+we hid in the cellars. That night all our servants ran away, and my
+father cursed them for cowards. Next day in the early morning we heard
+machine guns fire outside the village, and then all was still.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At six o'clock Alex, white-faced, came running into the house. He had
+been down to the gates and he had seen the enemy. They were drunk, he
+said, and going down the street firing the houses and shooting the
+people as they came out.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It seemed impossible and yet it was true. It was growing dark, when we
+heard shouts and saw lights, and from the top of the house I saw a
+crowd of singing and shouting soldiers, with pine torches, half
+running, half walking up the drive.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They massed in a body opposite the house. Paralysed with terror, I
+looked down on the scene, and shuddered to see that every second man
+seemed to have a bottle. One of them fired a shot at the house, and
+next I remember a flood of light on the drive, and, in the circle of
+light, my father standing with hand raised. What my father intended can
+never be known, for, as he paused and faced the mob, a solitary shot
+rang out, and he fell in a huddled heap.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As he fell, a boyish voice from the door shouted "Murderers!" It was
+Alex. With his little pistol I had given him for a birthday present in
+his hand, he ran forward and, standing over my father's body, head
+thrown back, he pointed his pistol at the mob and fired twice. A man
+dropped, there was a flash of steel, the crowd surged forward,
+and--and, oh! my Karl, they had murdered my beloved brother, my darling
+Alex.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The next moment they were in the house. I escaped from my window on to
+the roof of the dairy, and from there down a water-pipe, across the
+yard to an old hay-loft. For a long time they ran in and out of the
+house, like ants, looting and pillaging; then there was a great shout,
+and for some time not a soul came out of the house. I guessed they had
+got into the cellars. At about midnight I saw that the house was on
+fire. In a few minutes it was an inferno and the drunken soldiers came
+pouring out, firing their rifles in all directions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had found a piece of rope in the loft. One end I placed on a hook and
+the other round my neck. I was close to the upper doors of the loft,
+with a drop to the courtyard, and thus I stayed, for I feared that some
+soldier, more sober than the rest, might explore the outhouses and find
+me. I was watching this unearthly spectacle, and never, my best
+beloved, did I conceive that man could become lower than the beasts,
+but before my eyes it was so, when I noticed that the great gates at
+the southern end of the courtyard were opening. As they opened I saw
+that beyond them were drawn up a line of men. An officer gave an order,
+and two machine guns were placed in position in the gate entrance;
+round the guns lay their crews, and the seething mass of revellers saw
+nothing. I felt that a fearful tragedy was impending, and as I held my
+breath with anxiety the officer gave a short, sharp movement with his
+hand and a hideous rattle rose above all noises. The pandemonium that
+ensued was indescribable. Some ran helplessly into the burning house,
+others ran round and round in circles, others tried to get into the
+dairy; one man got upon its roof and fell back dead as soon as his head
+appeared above the outer wall. The place was surrounded. It was
+horrible. A few tried to rush for the gate, they melted away like snow
+before the sun, as their bodies met the pitiless stream of bullets. I
+suppose two hundred men were killed in as many seconds. The machine
+guns ceased fire. Ambulance parties came into the yard, collected the
+dead and living, and within half an hour there was not a soul save
+myself in the place. Discipline had received its oblation of men's
+lives.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As an example, it was one of the most wonderful things I have ever
+known in your wonderful army, my Karl, but it was terrible--terribly
+cruel.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I never knew what became of my mother, though I feel she is
+dead--murdered, perhaps, like my father and my darling Alex, or perhaps
+she hid somewhere in the house and remained petrified with terror till
+the flames came. Next morning I left my hiding-place and walked about.
+Not a German was to be seen, but in the wood was a huge newly-made
+grave. It was all open warfare then, and this flying column, which was
+miles in advance of the main body, had moved on. The house was a
+smoking mass of ruins, but the farm buildings had been spared, and I
+let out all the poor animals and turned them into the woods, so that
+they might have their chance.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All day I searched for my father and brother, but not a sign was to be
+seen, and at dusk I stood alone, faint and broken, amongst the ruins of
+my ancestors' home. As I looked at this scene of desolation and I
+contrasted what had been my life twenty-four hours before and what it
+was then, something seemed to snap in my brain, and for the first time
+I cried. Oh! the blessed relief of those tears, my Karl, for I was a
+poor weak, helpless girl, and alone with death and bitterness all round
+me. Late that night I hid once more in my hay-loft and next morning I
+left Inkovano for ever. Before I left, I made a vow. It is because of
+this vow, my beloved, that I am to die. For I vowed by the body of our
+Saviour and the murdered bodies of my family that, whilst life was in
+me and the war was maintained, for so long would I work unceasingly for
+the Allies against Germany. As the war ran its fiery course, I have
+seen more and more that the Allies are the only ones who will do
+anything for Poland, my beloved country, so have I been strengthened in
+my vow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I struck south on my feet, as a poor girl--I, the daughter of a
+princely family of Poland! No hardships were too great for me, provided
+I could reach Allied territory. I travelled from village to village as
+a singing girl, and once I was driven away with stones by villagers set
+upon me by a fanatical priest. I came by Cracow, and across the
+Carpathians, helped to pass the lines by a Hungarian Lieutenant--but I
+tricked him of his reward; I was not ready for that sacrifice. Then
+across the Hungarian plains to Buda-Pesth, where I remained three weeks,
+singing in a third-rate café, to make some money for my next stage. But
+I had to leave too soon--the old story!--this time it was the
+proprietor's son. What beasts men are, my Karl! And yet to me you are
+above all other men, a prince amongst your fellows, and never did I
+love you so distractedly as that first night at the shooting-box, when
+I read the scorn in your eyes as you rejected me. I have no shame in
+telling you this. Am I not already in the grave? And then I must be
+silent and can only await your coming. After many struggles, wearisome
+to relate, I came to Hermanstadt, and there, whilst pushing my trade as
+a dancer, came into touch with a Hungarian band of smugglers, working
+across the mountain passes between Eastern Hungary and Roumania. I did
+certain work for these men, and in return crossed with them one bitter
+night in a thunderstorm into Roumania. At Bukharest I got a good
+engagement, and when I had saved a thousand marks, I bought a passport
+for five hundred, and came to Serbia, then staggering beneath the great
+Austrian offensive.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Once again I was in the horrors of a retreat, but I escaped, reaching
+Valona, and crossed to Brindisi, by the aid of a French officer to whom
+I told my story and who believed me. His name is Pierre Lemansour, and
+he lives at Bordeaux.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If fortune places him in your power, be kind to him, my Karl, for your
+Zoe's sake.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I came to Rome; and thence to Paris. I stayed here three weeks, singing
+in a cabaret. Whilst here I tried to advance my plans in vain! What
+could I, a poor girl, do for the Allies? The Embassy laughed at me, all
+except one young attaché who tried to make love to me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then I thought of England--England, and her cold, hard islanders,
+phlegmatic in movements, slow to hate, slow to move, but once
+roused--ah! they never let go, these islanders!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One of their poets has said: "The mills of God grind slowly, but they
+grind exceeding small."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That, my Karl, is like England.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They are your most terrible enemies, and you know it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Do not be angry with me when you read this.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For me it is Poland, for you Germany.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Where I am going in a few hours there is no Poland, no Germany, no
+England, no war. And perhaps, perhaps, no love.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+You and I, Karl, have loved, too well, perchance, but our love was
+above even the love of countries.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+God made the love of men and women, then men and women created their
+countries.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I see the future before me, Karl, and I foresee that the struggle will
+be at the end of all things, between England and Germany. One will be
+in the dust.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Thus, I crossed to England and was swallowed up in the great city of
+London. England has always had a corner of her calculating heart for
+the small nations, and in London there is a Polish organization. I
+applied there, and one day I was taken to the Foreign Office, and found
+myself alone with a great Englishman. His name was--No, I promised, and
+it will not matter to you, for though he gave me my chance, I have no
+love for him, and he will never be in your power. Even as I write these
+words, he has probably taken a list from a locked safe and neatly ruled
+a red line through the name Zoe Sbeiliez. I tell you they know
+everything, these Englishmen. I told him my story, and then he asked me
+whether I was prepared to do all things for the Allies. I told him I
+was. He then said that I could go as agent for a back area in Belgium,
+and my centre would be Bruges. I agreed, and asked him innocently
+enough how I was to live in Bruges. He looked up from his desk and
+said:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You will be given facilities to cross the Belgium-Holland frontier, as
+a German singer."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"And then?" I asked.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You will go to Bruges and make friends with an Army officer; he must
+be high up on the staff."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I guessed what he meant, but hoped against hope, and I said: "How?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I can still see his fish-like face, hair brushed back with scrupulous
+care, as without a shadow of emotion he looked up, puffed his pipe, and
+said in matter-of-fact tones:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You have a pretty face and an excellent figure. Need I say more?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I could have struck him in the face. I was speechless, my mind a whirl
+of conflicting emotions. I was roused by the level tones again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Is it too much--for Poland?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Oh! the cunning of the man; he knew my weakness. Mechanically, I
+agreed. Certain details were settled, and he pressed a bell. Within
+five minutes I was walking back to my lodgings.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Thanks to a marvellous organization, which your police will never
+discover, my Karl, within <i>three weeks</i> I was singing on the Bruges
+music-hall stage, and accepted without question as being what I was
+not, a German artist from Dantzig. The men were soon round me, but I
+had no use for youngsters with money. I wanted a man with information.
+At last I found my man--the Colonel. He was on the Headquarters staff
+of the XIth Army, the army of occupation in Belgium, when I first met
+him. Subsequently he went back to regimental work; but by the time he
+was killed (and to realize what a release that meant for me, you would
+have had to have lived with him) I had established regular sources of
+information concerning which I will say no more. Let your country's
+agents find them if they can. This must I say for the Colonel: he was a
+brute and a drunkard, but in his own gross way he loved me, and he
+licked my boots at my desire, but I had to pay the price. You are a
+man, and with all your loving sympathy you can but dimly realize what
+this costs a woman. To me it was a dual sacrifice of honour and life,
+but it was for Poland, and the memories of my parents and Alex steeled
+me and strengthened my resolution, and so, and so, my Karl, I paid the
+price.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My special work was on the military side, and consisted in making
+quarterly reports on the general dispositions of large bodies of
+troops, the massing of corps for spring offensives, and big pushes and
+hammer blows.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then you came into my life! When the Colonel used to go away it was my
+habit to mix in the demi-mondaine society of Bruges, to try and live a
+few hours in which I could forget--oh! don't think the worst! <i>That</i>
+sort of thing had no attraction for me. I didn't seek oblivion in that
+direction! I had never even kissed anyone in Bruges until I kissed you
+that first night we met at dinner--I was attracted to you from the very
+first; the Colonel was due back in a few days, and I suddenly felt mad,
+and kissed you. I suppose you put me down as one of the usual kind, out
+to sell myself at a price varying between a good dinner and the rent of
+a flat! You will now know that I had already mortgaged my body to
+Poland.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then a few days later you will remember we went down for that wonderful
+day in the forest, and for the first time, Karl, I began to see that I
+was really caring for you, and a faint realization of the dangers and
+impossibilities towards which we were drifting crossed my mind.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Do you remember how silent I was on the drive back? In a fashion, my
+Karl, I could foresee dimly a little of what was going to happen. I had
+a presentiment that the end would be disaster, but I thrust the idea
+away from me. Then came the day, just before one of your trips--oh! the
+agony, my darling, of those days, each an age in length, when you were
+at sea--when you told me at the flat that you loved me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How I longed to throw my arms round your neck and abandon myself to
+your embraces, but I was still strong enough in those days to hold back
+for both our sakes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Each time we were together I loved you more and more, and each time
+when you had gone I seemed to see with clearer vision the fatal and
+inevitable ending.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I refused to give up the first real happiness that had been mine in
+my short and stormy life, and so I clung desperately to my idle dream.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I prayed, I prayed for hours, Karl, that the war might end, for I felt
+that in this lay our only hope--but what are one woman's prayers, a
+sinful woman's prayers, to the Creator of all things, and the war
+ground on in its endless agony just as it does to-night--Karl! Karl!
+will this torture ever end?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I must hurry, there is still much to tell you, and Time goes on
+relentlessly just like the war; it is only life that ends. Then came
+the days I took you to the shooting-box for the first time, and that
+night I broke down and, unashamed, offered you myself. Think not too
+badly of your Zoe, my Karl; when a woman loves as I do, what is
+convention? A nothing, a straw on the waters of life. I wanted you for
+my own, passionately and desperately, for I feared that any moment the
+end might come, and to die without having felt your arms around me
+would have added a thousand tortures to death. Though I could have
+welcomed death with joy when I saw the look of sorrowful contempt which
+you cast upon me that night. Heavens above! but you were strong, my
+Karl. I am not ugly, and yet you resisted, and I hated and loved you at
+the same time--oh! I know that sounds impossible, but it isn't for a
+woman. I slept little that night and, feeling that I could not look you
+in the face in the morning, I left for Bruges before you got up.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I felt that I could trust you not to try and find out the secret of the
+shooting-box.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+What a relief it is to be able to tell you everything frankly, and how
+I hated the perpetual game of deception which I had to play.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I used to rack my brains for answers to your perpetual question, "Why
+won't you marry me?" It was a desperate risk taking you down to the
+forest, but you loved me so much that you never questioned the reasons
+I gave you for my secrecy. I can tell you now, Karl, that in the early
+days when I used to disappear from Bruges, it was to the shooting-box
+that I went.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But I will write more of that later.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Did you suffer the same agony as I did before you left for Kiel, and
+your pride would not allow you to come to me? You understand now, my
+darling, why I could never marry you, and when the Colonel was killed
+it became harder than ever. Once during that terrible interview before
+you went up the Russian coast, I nearly gave way and promised to marry
+you. But how could I? I had sworn my vow, and even to-night, though I
+stand in the shadow of death, I do not regret my vow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is inconceivable that I could have married you and carried on my
+work--a spy on my husband's country--and if I ever thought of trying to
+do this impossible thing, a vision which has partially come true always
+restrained me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I saw a submarine officer disgraced and perhaps sentenced to death,
+because his wife had been convicted as a spy!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No! it was impossible.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But if I could not marry you, I still wanted your love.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then you went up the Russian coast, and I heard of your return in a
+submarine terribly wrecked. I guessed what you must have gone through,
+and determined to see you, but when I entered your room and saw you
+lying open-eyed on your bed, with no one but a clumsy soldier to nurse
+you, I could have wept. You know the rest; you can perhaps hardly
+remember how I led you to my car and took you down to the forest. Oh,
+Karl, are you angry with me for what happened? Do you sometimes think
+that I took an unfair advantage of your weakness? Please! Please
+forgive me, you were so helpless, and I loved you so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then came those unforgettable weeks whilst your boat was being
+repaired, weeks which opened to me the door of the paradise I was never
+to enter. Oh! Karl, I pray that all those memories may remain sweet and
+unclouded all your life. Think of those days when you think of your
+Zoe. Alas! they came to an end too soon, and you left for the Atlantic.
+When you came back all was over; I had been caught at last.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The evidence at the trial was clear enough. I have no complaints. I was
+fairly caught. You remember the big open space in front of the
+shooting-box? I do not mind saying now that five times have I been
+taken up from there in an English aeroplane, and landed there again
+after two days. Each time I took over a full report on military
+affairs. Not a word of naval news, my Karl; you will remember I never
+tried to find out U-boat information. I even warned you to be cautious.
+Well, they caught me as I landed; the English boy who had flown me back
+tried hard to save me, but it only cost him his own life.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My first thought was of you, and there is not a jot of evidence against
+you, save only your friendship for me. Remember this fact, if they
+persecute you. Admit nothing, believe nothing they tell you, deny
+everything; they have no evidence; but they are certain to try and trap
+you.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was noble of you, Karl, to engage Monsieur Labordin in my defence,
+but it was useless and may do you harm.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I also know of your efforts with the Governor. I hoped nothing from
+him, but what you did has made me ready to die; I tremble lest you are
+compromised.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If only I could feel absolutely certain that I have not dragged you
+down in my ruin I should face the rifles with a smile.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For my sake be careful, Karl.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When it is all over, cause a few little flowers to cover my
+resting-place, if this is permitted for a spy. Order them, do not place
+them yourself; you <i>must not</i> be compromised.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have told my story, and the end is very near. What else is there to
+say?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mere words are empty husks when I try to express my thoughts of you.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Do not sorrow for your Zoe, to whom you have given such happiness.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am not afraid to die and cross into the unknown, which, however
+terrible it is, cannot be much worse than this awful war.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Karl! Karl! how I long to kiss you and feel your strong arms crushing
+the breath from this body of mine which has caused so much sorrow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Oh, Mother Mary, support me in this hour of trial.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I cannot leave you!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+May the Saints guard you and keep you through all the perils of war,
+and grant that we meet again in the perfect peace of eternity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For ever, Your devoted and adoring ZOE.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>Karl's Diary resumed.</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She is dead!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They have killed her, my Zoe, my adorable darling, and I am still
+alive--under close arrest. Perhaps they will shoot me too, in their
+insatiable thirst for blood. Oh! if they would! Perhaps, my Zoe, if I
+could only die and leave this useless world behind, I might find you in
+the mysterious regions where your spirit now dwells.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Oh! is it well with you, Zoe? Give me a sign--a little sign--that all
+is well. I have knelt in prayer and asked for a sign, but nothing
+comes--all is a blank, forbidding and mysterious. Is God angry with us,
+my Zoe, that we sinned before Him? Surely, surely He understands. He
+must have mercy on me if He is going to make me go on living. If this
+is my punishment, I can bear it; I will live without you happily if
+only I may know that all is well with you.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Your letter, Zoe! Can you read these words as I write; can you sense my
+thoughts? Speak! Ah! I thought I heard your voice, and it was only the
+laughter of a woman in the street. Your letter has filled me with joy
+and sorrow. I read and re-read the wonderful words in which you say you
+loved me from the beginning, but when you plead that I shall not turn
+in loathing from your memory--with these words you smash me to the
+ground.
+
+Most glorious woman, I never loved you so well and so passionately as
+the day you stood at the trial, ringed round with the wolves, the
+clever lawyers, the stolid witnesses, the ponderous books, the cynical
+air of religious solemnity with which the machinery of the law thinly
+cloaks its lust for blood--for a life.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Even when my ears heard the sentence, I could not believe it would be
+carried out. The firing party, the chair, the bandage. Oh, God! spare
+me these awful thoughts. To think of your breasts lacerated by
+the----Oh! this is unendurable! Stop, madman that I am!
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I am calmer now; I have read your letter again and rescued the journal
+from the grate into which I flung it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The fire was out; I am not sorry; my journal is all I have left, and in
+its pages are enshrined small, feeble word-pictures of paradise on
+earth. To read them is to catch an echo of the music we both loved so
+well. Music! you were all music to me, my Zoe. Your voice, your
+movements, your caresses all seemed to me to speak of music.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I ask myself, I shall always ask myself until the last hour, whether
+all that could be done to save you was done. I tried to telegraph to
+the Kaiser for you, Zoe, but the wire never got further than Bruges
+post office; they stopped it, and put me under arrest. It was only open
+arrest, my darling, and on that last awful night I forced them to let
+me see the Governor. I, Karl Von Schenk, knelt at his feet and begged
+for your life. He simply said, "You are mad." I left the Palace under
+close arrest.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Was ever woman's nobleness of character so exemplified as in your life?
+Be comforted, Zoe, that in all my black sorrow I cling desperately to
+my pride in your strength. I long to shout abroad what you did and why
+you would never marry me, to tell all the gaping world that when you
+died a martyr to duty was killed. I am so unworthy of what you did for
+me, my darling, and it tortures me with mental rendings to think that
+whilst I prided myself in my strength of mind, I was dragging you
+through the fires of hell. When I think of those six weeks we had
+together, my brain says, "And they might have been months had you not
+spurned her in the forest."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Oh, Zoe! if the priests say truth and all things are now revealed to
+you, forgive me for this act of mine. Come to me in spirit and give me
+mental peace.
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/285.jpg"><img src="images/285th.jpg" alt="...when there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with moaning fragments"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p class="ctr">
+<a href="images/286.jpg"><img src="images/286th.jpg" alt="When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed with patrols"></a>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I write like this, as if it was a letter that you might read, I am
+comforted a little; I rely utterly on the hope, which I struggle to
+change into belief, that you can read this and know my thoughts.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For when I think that had things been otherwise you might have been
+leaning over my chair at this moment, and running your cool fingers
+through my stiff hair; when I think of this, my darling, the full
+realization comes to me of the gulf which must divide us for some
+uncertain period, and the lines of this page run mistily before my
+eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Zoe, my Zoe, strange things have happened in this war; wives declare
+they have seen their husbands, mothers have felt the presence of their
+sons; if the powers permit, come to me once again, I implore you, and
+give me strength to live my life alone.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Examined before the Court of Inquiry to-day. Fools! can't they realize
+that I don't care if they do shoot me?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the Mess, people avoid me. What do I care? Not one of them is worthy
+to stand on the same soil that holds her beloved body. They have buried
+her in the Castle grounds. In accordance with her wishes, I have
+arranged for flowers. Perhaps one day when all this is over I may be
+able to live here and tend the place where she sleeps, free at last
+from all her cares.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+At the Court of Inquiry they tried to cross-examine me on our life
+together. Dolts! what do they aim at proving? That I loved you? I
+hardly listened. When they finished the evidence, the President asked
+me if I had anything to say! Anything to say! I felt like telling them
+they were cogs in the most monstrous machine for manufacturing sorrow
+and destruction that mankind had ever devised. I could have shaken my
+fist in their solemn faces and shouted "Beasts! you murdered her! You
+destroyed that most wonderful woman who lowered herself to love me."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Actually there was a long silence, and then the Vice-President, Captain
+Fruhlingsohn, said, "Speak; we wish you well."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was the first touch of sympathy, the only sign of humanity I had
+received in all these awful days, and it touched my stubborn heart and
+the longed-for tears flowed at last.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I murmured: "Gentlemen, I am no traitor; but I loved her as my own
+soul."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Dissolve the Court. Remove the prisoner." Like the clash of iron
+gates, officialdom came into its own again.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+So I am not to be shot! Not even imprisoned! "Don't fall in love with
+enemy agents again!"--that summarized their verdict.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Ha! Ha! Ha! It is all horribly funny. The real reason is that they need
+me. I am a trained and skilful slaughterer on the seas; I am an
+essential part of the great machine. And they haven't got any spares! I
+was in the Mess yesterday when the English papers we get from Amsterdam
+arrived. Oh! a pretty surprise awaited the first man who opened <i>The
+Times</i>. These English had published the names of 150 U-boat commanders
+they had caught. There they all were. Christian names and all complete.
+The only thing missing was a blank space in which to fill in our names
+when the time comes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Dinner was a silent meal last night, and next morning some rat of a
+Belgian had posted the list on the gatepost of the Mess. The machine
+has offered five hundred marks for his apprehension--how foolish; as if
+by shooting him they would take any names off the long list.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I am to sail at dawn tomorrow. I shall not be sorry to get away for a
+space from this place with its mingled memories of delight and death.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Back again, and I haven't written a word for three weeks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My billet last trip was off Finisterre. I sighted two convoys, but
+there were destroyers there; they are so black and swift I don't go
+near them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I don't want to die in a U-boat. It's not worth while. It is easy to
+avoid these convoys. I dive and make a great fuss of attacking, then I
+steer divergently. Nobody knows where the enemy is except me; I am the
+only one who looks through the periscope--I take good care of that. And
+then how I curse and swear when I announce that the convoy has altered
+course, and there is no chance of getting in to attack. None of them
+are so disappointed as I am!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The mines get on my nerves, there is no way of dodging them, and Lord!
+how they sprout on the Flanders coast.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am to go out in six days. It is very little rest. I believe they want
+to kill me. But I won't die! Not I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I went to her grave yesterday for the first time. I had thought I
+should weep, but I did not; in fact it left me quite unmoved. I feel
+she's not really dead; she comes to me sometimes, always at night when
+I am alone and when we are at sea. There's nothing very tangible, but I
+catch an echo of her voice in the surge of the sea along the casing, or
+the sound of the breeze as it plays along the aerial. And so I will not
+die until she calls me, for up to the present her messages have told me
+to live and endure.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+A very awkward incident took place last night. We were off the Naze and
+saw a steamer some distance away.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We dived to attack. When we were about a mile away I had a look at her,
+and something about her put me off. I half thought she was a decoy
+ship, and I privately determined I would not attack. I steered a course
+which brought me well on her quarter, and as soon as I saw that it was
+impossible to get into position to fire I increased speed on the
+engines and shook the whole boat in efforts which were ostensibly
+directed to getting her into position. At length I eased speed and
+bitterly exclaimed that my luck was out.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The First Lieutenant suggested that we should give her gunfire, but I
+pointed out that I had good reason to suspect her of being a wolf in
+sheep's clothing, and as he had not seen her he could hardly question
+my judgment. I was going forward, when I accidentally overheard the
+Navigator and the Engineer talking in the wardroom. I listened.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Engineer said: "The Captain doesn't seem to have the luck he used
+to command."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Or else he has lost skill!" replied Ebert. "We never fired a torpedo
+at all last trip, and it looks as if we are following that precedent
+this time."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had heard enough, and, without their realizing my presence, I
+returned to the control room. I considered the situation, and came to
+the conclusion that they suspected nothing, but it was evident that
+their minds were running on lines of thought which might be dangerous.
+I looked at my watch and saw that there was still two hours of daylight
+left, and then decided to play a trick on them all. I relieved the
+First Lieutenant at the periscope, and when a decent interval of about
+half an hour had elapsed I saw a ship. This vessel of my imagination, a
+veritable Flying Dutchman in fact, I proceeded to attack, and, after
+about twenty minutes of frequent alterations of speed and course, I
+electrified the boat by bringing the bow tubes to the ready.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The usual delay was most artistically arranged, and then I fired. With
+secret amusement I watched the two expensive weapons of war rushing
+along, but destined to sink ingloriously in the ocean, instead of
+burying themselves in the vitals of a ship. An oath from myself and an
+order to take the boat to twenty metres.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With gloomy countenance I curtly remarked: "The port torpedo broke
+surface and then dived underneath her, the starboard one missed
+astern."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So far all had gone well, but ten minutes later I nearly made a fatal
+error. We had been diving for several hours, the atmosphere was bad,
+and as it was dusk I decided to come up, ventilate, and put a charge on
+the batteries. I gave the necessary orders, and was on my way up the
+conning tower to open the outer hatch. The coxswain had just announced
+that the boat was on the surface, when a terrible thought paralysed me,
+and I clung helplessly to the ladder trying to think out the situation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It had just occurred to me that as soon as the officers and crew came
+on deck they would naturally look for the steamer we had recently fired
+at; this ship in the time interval which had elapsed would still be in
+sight.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I came down, the First Lieutenant was at the periscope, looking
+round the horizon. Quickly I thrust the youth from the eyepiece, and,
+as calmly as I could, said: "I thought I heard propellers."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Half an hour later we surfaced for the night. I have been wondering
+ever since whether they suspect, for the three of them were talking in
+the wardroom after dinner and stopped suddenly when I came in.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I must be careful in future.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I was sent for this morning by the Commodore's office, and handed my
+appointment as Senior Lieutenant at the barracks Wilhelmshafen.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No explanation, though I suspected something of the sort was coming, as
+three days after we got in from my last trip I was examined by the
+medical board attached to the flotilla.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So I am to leave the U-boat service, and leave it under a cloud! It is
+a sad come-down from Captain of a U-boat to Lieutenant in barracks, a
+job reserved for the medically unfit for sea service.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Am I sorry? No, I think I am glad. Life here at Bruges is one long
+painful episode. No one speaks to me in the Mess. I am left severely
+alone with my memories. The night before last I found a revolver in my
+room, and attached to it was a piece of paper bearing the words: "From
+a friend."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Perhaps at Wilhelmshafen it will be different, and yet, when I went
+down to the boat at noon and collected my personal affairs and stepped
+over her side for the last time, I could not check a feeling of great
+sadness. We had endured much together, my boat and I, and the parting
+was hard.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+ <i>At Barracks</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As I suspected when I was appointed here, my job is deadly to a degree,
+and my main duty is to sign leave passes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our great effort in France has failed, and now the Allies react
+furiously. The great war machine is strained to its utmost capacity;
+can it endure the load?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our proper move is to paralyse the Allied offensive by striking with
+all our naval weight at his cross-channel communications. The U-boat
+war is too slow, and time is not on our side, whilst a hammer blow down
+the Channel might do great things. But we have no naval imagination,
+and who am I, that I should advance an opinion?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A discredited Lieutenant in barracks--that's all.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Worse and worse--there are rumours of troubles in the Fleet taking
+place under certain conditions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is the beginning of the end!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Last night the High Seas Fleet were ordered to weigh at 8 a.m. this
+morning.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A mutiny broke out in the <i>König</i> and quickly spread.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By 9 a.m. half a dozen ships were flying the red flag, and to-day
+Wilhelmshafen is being administered by the Council of Soldiers and
+Sailors.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There has been little disorder; the men have been unanimous in
+declaring that they would not go to sea for a last useless massacre, a
+last oblation on the bloodstained altars of war.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Can they be blamed? Of what use would such sacrifice be?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Yet to an officer it is all very sad and disheartening.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have seen enough to sicken me of the whole German system of making
+war, and yet if the call came I know I would gladly go forth and die
+when <i>tout est perdu fors l'honneur</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Such instincts are bred deep into the men of families such as mine.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We approach the culmination of events. To-day Germany has called for an
+armistice. It has been inevitable since our Allies began falling away
+from us like rotten print.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The terms will doubtless be hard.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+Heavens above! but the terms are crushing!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All the U-boats to be surrendered, the High Seas Fleet interned; why
+not say "surrendered" straight out, it will come to that, unless we
+blow them up in German ports.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The end of Kaiserdom has come; we are virtually a republic; it is all
+like a dream.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We have signed, and the last shot of the world-war has been fired.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here everything is confusion; the saner elements are trying to keep
+order, the roughs are going round the dockyard and ships, looting
+freely.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Better we should steal them than the English," and "There is no
+Government, so all is free," are two of their cries.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There has been a little shooting in the streets, and it is not safe for
+officers to move about in uniform, though, on the whole, I have
+experienced little difficulty.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was summoned to-day before the Local Council, which is run by a man
+who was a Petty Officer of signals in the <i>König</i>. He recognized me and
+looked away.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was instructed to take U.122 over to Harwich for surrender to the
+English.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I made no difficulty; some one has got to do it, and I verily believe I
+am indifferent to all emotions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We sail in convoy on the day after tomorrow; that is to say, if the
+crew condescend to fuel the boat in time. Three looters were executed
+to-day in the dockyard and this has had a steadying effect on the worst
+elements.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+I went on board 122 to-day, and on showing my authority which was
+signed by the Council (which has now become the Council of Soldiers,
+Sailors and Workmen), the crew of the boat held a meeting at which I
+was not invited to be present.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At its conclusion the coxswain came up to me and informed me that a
+resolution had been carried by seventeen votes to ten, to the effect
+that I was to be obeyed as Captain of the boat.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I begged him to convey to the crew my gratification, and expressed the
+hope that I should give satisfaction.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am afraid the sarcasm was quite lost on them.
+</p>
+
+<hr>
+
+<p>
+We are within sixty miles of Harwich and I expect to sight the English
+cruisers any moment.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I wrote some days ago that I was incapable of any emotion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was wrong, as I have been so often during the last two years.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In fact, I have come to the conclusion that I am no psychologist--I
+don't believe we Germans are any good at psychology, and that's the
+root reason why we've failed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I do feel emotion--it's terrible; the shame--the humiliation is
+unbearable.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I wonder how the English will behave? What a day of triumph for them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The signalman has just come down and reported British cruisers right
+ahead; it will soon be over. I must go up on deck and exercise my
+functions as elected Captain of U.122, and representative of Germany in
+defeat. One last effort is demanded, and then----
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<p>
+<i>NOTE</i>
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<i>This is the last sentence in the diary. It is probable that he suddenly
+had to hurry on deck and in the subsequent confusion forgot to rescue
+his diary from the locker in which he had thrust it</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+ETIENNE.
+</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<h3>THE END</h3>
+
+
+<BR>
+<BR>
+<BR>
+<BR>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Diary of a U-Boat Commander, by Anonymous
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@@ -0,0 +1,6215 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Diary of a U-Boat Commander, by Anonymous
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Diary of a U-Boat Commander
+
+Author: Anonymous
+
+Posting Date: January 28, 2011 [EBook #7947]
+Release Date: April, 2005
+First Posted: June 4, 2003
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Eric Eldred, Marvin A. Hodges, Charles Franks,
+and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE DIARY OF A U-BOAT COMMANDER
+
+WITH AN INTRODUCTION AND EXPLANATORY NOTES BY ETIENNE
+
+AND
+
+_18 Illustrations on Art Paper by Frank H. Mason._
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife
+through cheese."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+BOOKS BY ETIENNE
+
+STRANGE TALES FROM THE FLEET
+
+A NAVAL LIEUTENANT
+
+1914--1918.
+
+"In collaboration with Navallus.
+
+Five Songs from the Grand Fleet."
+
+[Illustration: "...they are so black and swift I don't go near them."]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+"We rammed a destroyer, passing through her like a knife through
+cheese"
+
+"...they are so black and swift I don't go near them"
+
+"Steering north-westerly ... to lay a small minefield off Newcastle"
+
+"He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer approaching at full
+speed to ram"
+
+"We were put down by a trawler at dawn"
+
+"The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of
+the steamer and had then dived under her"
+
+"A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck the bottom"
+
+"As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam"
+
+"We hit her aft for the second time...."
+
+"The track met our ram"
+
+"In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower"
+
+"The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down"
+
+"Good-bye! Steer west for America!"
+
+"It is a snug anchorage, and here I intend to remain"
+
+"A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign was broken at the
+fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure that was revealed
+on her side"
+
+"I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers there...."
+
+"... when there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with
+moaning fragments"
+
+"When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed
+with patrols"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+
+"I would ask you a favour," said the German captain, as we sat in the
+cabin of a U-boat which had just been added to the long line of
+bedraggled captives which stretched themselves for a mile or more in
+Harwich Harbour, in November, 1918.
+
+I made no reply; I had just granted him a favour by allowing him to
+leave the upper deck of the submarine, in order that he might await the
+motor launch in some sort of privacy; why should he ask for more?
+
+Undeterred by my silence, he continued: "I have a great friend,
+Lieutenant-zu-See Von Schenk, who brought U.122 over last week; he has
+lost a diary, quite private, he left it in error; can he have it?"
+
+I deliberated, felt a certain pity, then remembered the _Belgian
+Prince_ and other things, and so, looking the German in the face, I
+said:
+
+"I can do nothing."
+
+"Please."
+
+I shook my head, then, to my astonishment, the German placed his head
+in his hands and wept, his massive frame (for he was a very big man)
+shook in irregular spasms; it was a most extraordinary spectacle.
+
+It seemed to me absurd that a man who had suffered, without visible
+emotion, the monstrous humiliation of handing over his command intact,
+should break down over a trivial incident concerning a diary, and not
+even his own diary, and yet there was this man crying openly before me.
+
+It rather impressed me, and I felt a curious shyness at being present,
+as if I had stumbled accidentally into some private recess of his mind.
+I closed the cabin door, for I heard the voices of my crew approaching.
+
+He wept for some time, perhaps ten minutes, and I wished very much to
+know of what he was thinking, but I couldn't imagine how it would be
+possible to find out.
+
+I think that my behaviour in connection with his friend's diary added
+the last necessary drop of water to the floods of emotion which he had
+striven, and striven successfully, to hold in check during the agony of
+handing over the boat, and now the dam had crumbled and broken away.
+
+It struck me that, down in the brilliantly-lit, stuffy little cabin,
+the result of the war was epitomized. On the table were some
+instruments I had forbidden him to remove, but which my first
+lieutenant had discovered in the engineer officer's bag.
+
+On the settee lay a cheap, imitation leather suit-case, containing his
+spare clothes and a few books. At the table sat Germany in defeat,
+weeping, but not the tears of repentance, rather the tears of bitter
+regret for humiliations undergone and ambitions unrealized.
+
+We did not speak again, for I heard the launch come alongside, and, as
+she bumped against the U-boat, the noise echoed through the hull into
+the cabin, and aroused him from his sorrows. He wiped his eyes, and,
+with an attempt at his former hardiness, he followed me on deck and
+boarded the motor launch.
+
+Next day I visited U.122, and these papers are presented to the public,
+with such additional remarks as seemed desirable; for some curious
+reason the author seems to have omitted nearly all dates. This may have
+been due to the fear that the book, if captured, would be of great
+value to the British Intelligence Department if the entries were dated.
+The papers are in the form of two volumes in black leather binding,
+with a long letter inside the cover of the second volume.
+
+_Internal evidence has permitted me to add the dates as regards the
+years. My thanks are due to K. for assistance in translation_.
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Diary of a U-boat Commander
+
+
+
+
+One volume of my war-journal completed, and I must confess it is dull
+reading.
+
+I could not help smiling as I read my enthusiastic remarks at the
+outbreak of war, when we visualized battles by the week. What a
+contrast between our expectations and the actual facts.
+
+Months of monotony, and I haven't even seen an Englishman yet.
+
+Our battle cruisers have had a little amusement with the coast raids at
+Scarborough and elsewhere, but we battle-fleet fellows have seen
+nothing, and done nothing.
+
+So I have decided to volunteer for the U-boat service, and my name went
+in last week, though I am told it may be months before I am taken, as
+there are about 250 lieutenants already on the waiting list.
+
+But sooner or later I suppose something will come of it.
+
+I shall have no cause to complain of inactivity in that Service, if I
+get there.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am off to-night for a six-days trip, two days of which are to be
+spent in the train, to the Verdun sector.
+
+It has been a great piece of luck. The trip had been arranged by the
+Military and Naval Inter-communication Department; and two officers
+from this squadron were to go.
+
+There were 130 candidates, so we drew lots; as usual I was lucky and
+drew one of the two chances.
+
+It should be intensely interesting.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_At_ ----
+
+
+I arrived here last night after a slow and tiresome journey, which was
+somewhat alleviated by an excellent bottle of French wine which I
+purchased whilst in the Champagne district.
+
+Long before we reached the vicinity of Verdun it was obvious to the
+most casual observer that we were heading for a centre of unusual
+activity.
+
+Hospital trains travelling north-east and east were numerous, and twice
+our train, which was one of the ordinary military trains, was shunted
+on to a siding to allow troop trains to rumble past.
+
+As we approached Verdun the noise of artillery, which I had heard
+distantly once or twice during the day, as the casual railway train
+approached the front, became more intense and grew from a low murmur
+into a steady noise of a kind of growling description, punctuated at
+irregular intervals by very deep booms as some especially heavy piece
+was discharged, or an ammunition dump went up.
+
+The country here is very different from the mud flats of Flanders, as
+it is hilly and well wooded. The Meuse, in the course of centuries, has
+cut its way through the rampart of hills which surround Verdun, and we
+are attacking the place from three directions. On the north we are
+slowly forcing the French back on either river bank--a very costly
+proceeding, as each wing must advance an equal amount, or the one that
+advances is enfiladed from across the river.
+
+We are also slowly creeping forward from the east and north-east in the
+direction of Douaumont.
+
+I am attached to a 105-cm. battery, a young Major von Markel in
+command, a most charming fellow. I spent all to-day in the advanced
+observing position with a young subaltern called Grabel, also a nice
+young fellow. I was in position at 6 a.m., and, as apparently is common
+here, mist hides everything from view until the sun attains a certain
+strength. Our battery was supporting the attack on the north side of
+the river, though the battery itself was on the south side, and firing
+over a hill called L'Homme Mort.
+
+Von Markel told me that the fighting here has not been previously
+equalled in the war, such is the intensity of the combat and the price
+each side is paying.
+
+I could see for myself that this was so, and the whole atmosphere of
+the place is pregnant with the supreme importance of this struggle,
+which may well be the dying convulsions of decadent France.
+
+His Imperial Majesty himself has arrived on the scene to witness the
+final triumph of our arms, and all agree that the end is imminent.
+
+Once we get Verdun, it is the general opinion that this portion of the
+French front will break completely, carrying with it the adjacent
+sectors, and the French Armies in the Vosges and Argonne will be
+committed to a general retreat on converging lines.
+
+But, favourable as this would be to us, it is generally considered here
+that the fall of Verdun will break the moral resistance of the French
+nation.
+
+The feeling is, that infinitely more is involved than the capture of a
+French town, or even the destruction of a French Army; it is a question
+of stamina; it is the climax of the world war, the focal point of the
+colossal struggle between the Latin and the Teuton, and on the
+battlefields of Verdun the gods will decide the destinies of nations.
+
+When I got to the forward observing position, which was situated among
+the ruins of a house, a most amazing noise made conversation difficult.
+
+The orchestra was in full blast and something approaching 12,000 pieces
+of all sizes were in action on our side alone, this being the greatest
+artillery concentration yet effected during the war.
+
+We were situated on one side of a valley which ran up at right angles
+to the river, whose actual course was hidden by mist, which also
+obscured the bottom of our valley. The front line was down in this
+little valley, and as I arrived we lifted our barrage on to the far
+hill-side to cover an attack which we were delivering at dawn.
+
+Nothing could be seen of the conflict down below, but after half an
+hour we received orders to bring back our barrage again, and Grabel
+informed me that the attack had evidently failed. This afternoon I
+heard that it was indeed so, and that one division (the 58th), which
+had tried to work along the river bank and outflank the hill, had been
+caught by a concentration of six batteries of French 75's, which were
+situated across the river. The unfortunate 58th, forced back from the
+river-side, had heroically fought their way up the side of the hill,
+only to encounter our barrage, which, owing to the mist, we thought was
+well above and ahead of where they would be.
+
+Under this fresh blow the 58th had retired to their trenches at the
+bottom of the small valley. As the day warmed up the mist disappeared,
+and, like a theatre curtain, the lifting of this veil revealed the
+whole scene in its terrible and yet mechanical splendour.
+
+I say mechanical, for it all seemed unreal to me. I knew I should not
+see cavalry charges, guns in the open, and all the old-world panoply of
+war, but I was not prepared for this barren and shell-torn circle of
+hills, continually being freshly, and, to an uninformed observer,
+aimlessly lashed by shell fire.
+
+Not a man in sight, though below us the ground was thickly strewn with
+corpses. Overhead a few aeroplanes circled round amidst balls of white
+shell bursts.
+
+During the day the slow-circling aeroplanes (which were artillery
+observing machines) were galvanized into frightful activity by the
+sudden appearance of a fighting machine on one side or the other; this
+happened several times; it reminded me of a pike amongst young trout.
+
+After lunch I saw a Spad shot down in flames, it was like Lucifer
+falling down from high heavens. The whole scene was enframed by a
+sluggish line of observation balloons.
+
+Sometimes groups of these would hastily sink to earth, to rise again
+when the menace of the aeroplane had passed. These balloons seemed more
+like phlegmatic spectators at some athletic contest than actual
+participants in the events.
+
+I wish my pen could convey to paper the varied impressions created
+within my mind in the course of the past day; but it cannot. I have the
+consolation that, though I think that I have considerable ability as a
+writer, yet abler pens than mine have abandoned in despair the task of
+describing a modern battle.
+
+I can but reiterate that the dominant impression that remains is of the
+mechanical nature of this business of modern war, and yet such an
+impression is a false one, for as in the past so to-day, and so in the
+future, it is the human element which is, has been, and will be the
+foundation of all things.
+
+Once only in the course of the day did I see men in any numbers, and
+that was when at 3 p.m. the French were detected massing for a
+counter-attack on the south side of the river. It was doomed to be
+still-born. As they left their trenches, distant pigmy figures in
+horizon blue, apparently plodding slowly across the ground, they were
+lashed by an intensive barrage and the little figures were obliterated
+in a series of spouting shell bursts.
+
+Five minutes later the barrage ceased, the smoke drifted away and not a
+man was to be seen. Grabel told me that it had probably cost them 750
+casualties. What an amazing and efficient destruction of living
+organism!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Another most interesting day, though of a different nature.
+
+To-day was spent witnessing the arrangements for dealing with the
+wounded. I spent the morning at an advanced dressing station on the
+south bank of the river. It was in a cellar, beneath the ruins of a
+house, about 400 yards from the front line and under heavy shell-fire,
+as close at hand was the remains of what had been a wood, which was
+being used as a concentration point for reserves.
+
+The cover afforded by this so-called wood was extremely slight, and the
+troops were concentrating for the innumerable attacks and
+counter-attacks which were taking place under shell fire. This caused
+the surgeon in charge of the cellar to describe the wood as our main
+supply station!
+
+I entered the cellar at 8 a.m., taking advantage of a partial lull in
+the shelling, but a machine-gun bullet viciously flipped into a wooden
+beam at the entrance as I ducked to go in. I was not sorry to get
+underground. A sloping path brought me into the cellar, on one side of
+which sappers were digging away the earth to increase the
+accommodation.
+
+The illumination consisted of candles set in bottles and some electric
+hand lamps. The centre of the cellar was occupied by two portable
+operating tables, rarely untenanted during the three hours I spent in
+this hell.
+
+The atmosphere--for there was no ventilation--stank of sweat, blood,
+and chloroform.
+
+By a powerful effort I countered my natural tendency to vomit, and
+looked around me. The sides of the cellar were lined with figures on
+stretchers. Some lay still and silent, others writhed and groaned. At
+intervals, one of the attendants would call the doctor's attention to
+one of the still forms. A hasty examination ensued, and the stretcher
+and its contents were removed. A few minutes later the
+stretcher--empty--returned. The surgeon explained to me that there was
+no room for corpses in the cellar; business, he genially remarked, was
+too brisk at the present crucial stage of the great battle.
+
+The first feelings of revulsion having been mastered, I determined to
+make the most of my opportunities, as I have always felt that the naval
+officer is at a great disadvantage in war as compared with his
+military brother, in that he but rarely has a chance of accustoming
+himself to the unpleasant spectacle of torn flesh and bones.
+
+This morning there was no lack of material, and many of the intestinal
+wounds were peculiarly revolting, so that at lunch-time, when another
+convenient lull in the torrent of shell fire enabled me to leave the
+cellar, I felt thoroughly hardened; in fact I had assisted in a humble
+degree at one or two operations.
+
+I had lunch at the 11th Army Medical Headquarters Mess, and it was a
+sumptuous meal to which I did full justice.
+
+After lunch, whilst waiting to be motored to a field hospital, I
+happened to see a battalion of Silesian troops about to go up to the
+front line.
+
+It was rather curious feeling that one was looking at men, each in
+himself a unit of civilization, and yet many of whom were about to die
+in the interests thereof.
+
+Their faces were an interesting study.
+
+Some looked careless and debonair, and seemed to swing past with a
+touch of recklessness in their stride, others were grave and serious,
+and seemed almost to plod forward to the dictates of an inevitable
+fatalism.
+
+The field hospital, where we met some very charming nurses, on one of
+whom I think I created a distinct impression, was not particularly
+interesting. It was clean, well-organized and radiated the efficiency
+inseparable from the German Army.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Back at Wilhelmshaven--curse it!
+
+Yesterday morning, when about to start on a tour of the ammunition
+supply arrangements, I received an urgent wire recalling me at once!
+
+There was nothing for it but to obey.
+
+I was lucky enough to get a passage as far as Mons in an albatross
+scout which was taking dispatches to that place.
+
+From there I managed to bluff a motor car out of the town commandant--a
+most obliging fellow. This took me to Aachen where I got an express.
+
+The reason for my recall was that Witneisser went sick and Arnheim
+being away, this has left only two in the operations ciphering
+department.
+
+My arrival has made us three. It is pretty strenuous work and, being of
+a clerical nature, suits me little. The only consolation is that many
+of the messages are most interesting. I was looking through the back
+files the other day and amongst other interesting information I came
+across the wireless report from the boat that had sunk the _Lusitania_.
+
+It has always been a mystery to me why we sank her, as I do not believe
+those things pay.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Arnheim has come back, so I have got out of the ciphering department,
+to my great delight.
+
+I have received official information that my application for U-boats
+has been received. Meanwhile all there is to do is to sit at
+this ---- hole and wait.
+
+
+
+
+_2nd June_, 1916.
+
+
+I have fought in the greatest sea battle of the ages; it has been a
+wonderful and terrible experience.
+
+All the details of the battle will be history, but I feel that I must
+place on record my personal experiences.
+
+We have not escaped without marks, and the good old _Koenig_ brought 67
+dead and 125 wounded into port as the price of the victory off
+Skajerack, but of the English there are thousands who slept their last
+sleep in the wrecked hulls of the battle cruisers which will rust for
+eternal ages upon the Jutland banks.
+
+Sad as our losses are--and the gallant _Lutzow_ has sunk in sight of
+home--I am filled with pride.
+
+We have met that great armada the British Fleet, we have struck them
+with a hammer blow and we have returned. I was asleep in my cabin when
+the news came that Hipper was coming south with the British battle
+cruisers on his beam. In five minutes we were at our action stations.
+We made contact with Hipper at 5.30 p.m., [1] and Beatty turned north
+with his cruisers and fast battleships and we pursued.
+
+[Footnote 1: This is 4.30 G.M.T.--Etienne]
+
+Two of the great ships had been sunk by our battle cruisers, and we had
+hopes of destroying the remainder, when at 6.55 the mist on the
+northern horizon was pierced by the formidable line of the British
+Battle Fleet.
+
+Jellicoe had arrived!
+
+Three battle cruisers became involved between the lines, and in an
+instant one was blown up, and another crawled west in a sinking
+condition. Sudden and terrible are events in a modern sea-battle.
+
+Confronted with the concentrated force of Britain's Battle Fleet we
+turned to east, and for twenty minutes our High Seas Fleet sustained
+the unequal contest.
+
+It was during this period that we were hit seventeen times by heavy
+shell, though, in my position in the after torpedo control tower, I
+only realized one hit had taken place, which was when a shell plunged
+into the after turret and, blowing the roof off, killed every member of
+the turret's crew.
+
+From my position, when the smoke and dust had blown away, I looked down
+into a mass of twisted machinery, amongst which I seemed to detect the
+charred remains of bodies.
+
+At about 7.40 we turned, under cover of our smoke screen, and steered
+south-west.
+
+Our position was not satisfactory, as the last information of the enemy
+reported them as turning to the southward; consequently they were
+between us and Heligoland.
+
+At 11 p.m. we received a signal for divisions of battle fleets to steer
+independently for the Horn Reef swept channel.
+
+Ten minutes later we underwent the first of five destroyer attacks.
+
+The British destroyers, searching wide in the night, had located us,
+and with desperate gallantry pressed home the attack again and again.
+So close did they come that about 1.30 a.m. we rammed one, passing
+through her like a knife through a cheese.
+
+It was a wonderful spectacle to see those sinister craft, rushing madly
+to their destruction down the bright beam of our powerful searchlights.
+It was an avenue of death for them, but to the credit of their Service
+it must stand that throughout the long nightmare they did not hesitate.
+
+The surrounding darkness seemed to vomit forth flotilla after flotilla
+of these cavalry of the sea.
+
+And they struck us once, a torpedo right forward, which will keep us in
+dock for a month, but did no vital injury.
+
+When morning dawned, misty and soft, as is its way in June in the
+Bight, we were to the eastward of the British, and so we came
+honourably home to Wilhelmshaven, feeling that the young Navy had laid
+worthy foundations for its tradition to grow upon.
+
+We are to report at Kiel, and shall be six weeks upon the job.
+
+
+
+
+_Frankfurt_.
+
+
+Back on seventeen days' leave, and everyone here very anxious to hear
+details of the battle of Skajerack.
+
+It is very pleasant to have something to talk to the women about.
+Usually the gallant field greys hold the drawing-room floor, with their
+startling tales from the Western Front, of how they nearly took Verdun,
+and would have if the British hadn't insisted on being slaughtered on
+the Somme.
+
+It is quite impossible in many ways to tell that there is a war on as
+far as social life in this place is concerned.
+
+There is a shortage of good coffee and that is about all.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Arrived back on board last night.
+
+They have made a fine job of us, and we go through the canal to the
+Schillig Roads early next week.
+
+We are to do three weeks' gunnery practices from there, to train the
+new drafts.
+
+
+
+1916 (_about August_).
+
+At last! Thank Heavens, my application has been granted. Schmitt (the
+Secretary) told me this morning that a letter has come from the
+Admiralty to say that I am to present myself for medical examination at
+the board at Wilhelmshaven to-morrow.
+
+What joy! to strike a blow at last, finished for ever the cursed
+monotony of inactivity of this High Seas Fleet life. But the U-boat
+war! Ah! that goes well. We shall bring those stubborn, blood-sucking
+islanders to their knees by striking at them through their bellies.
+
+When I think of London and no food, and Glasgow and no food, then who
+can say what will happen? Revolt! rebellion in England, and our brave
+field greys on the west will smash them to atoms in the spring of 1917,
+and I, Karl Schenk, will have helped directly in this! Great
+thought--but calm! I am not there yet, there is still this confounded
+medical board. I almost wish I had not drunk so much last night, not
+that it makes any difference, but still one must run no risks, for I
+hear that the medical is terribly strict for the U-boat service. Only
+the cream is skimmed! Well, to-morrow we shall see.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Passed! and with flying colours; it seemed absurdly easy and only took
+ten minutes, but then my physique is magnificent, thanks to the
+physical training I have always done. I am now due to get three weeks'
+leave, and then to Zeebrugge.
+
+I have wired to the little mother at Frankfurt.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_At Zeebrugge, or rather Bruges._
+
+
+I spent three weeks at home, all the family are pleased except mother;
+she has a woman's dread of danger; it is a pleasing characteristic in
+peace time, but a cloy on pleasure in days of war. To her, with the
+narrowness of a female's intellect, I really believe I am of more
+importance than the Fatherland--how absurd. Whilst at Frankfurt I saw a
+good deal of Rosa; she seems better looking each time I meet her;
+doubtless she is still developing to full womanhood. Moritz was home
+from Flanders. He had ten days' leave from Ypres, and, though I have a
+dislike for him, he certainly was interesting, though why the English
+cling to those wretched ruins is more than I can understand.
+
+I felt instinctively that in a sense Moritz and I were rivals where
+Rosa was concerned, though I have never considered her in that
+light--as yet. One day, perhaps? These women are much the same
+everywhere, and I could see that having entered the U-boat service made
+a difference with Rosa, though her logic should have told her that I
+was no different. But is that right? After all, it is something to have
+joined this service; the Guards themselves have no better cachet, and
+it is certainly cheaper.
+
+Here we live in billets and in a commandeered hotel. The life ashore is
+pleasant enough; the damned Belgians are sometimes sulky, but they know
+who is master. Bissing (a splendid chap) sees to that.
+
+As a matter of fact we have benefited them by our occupation, the shops
+do a roaring trade at preposterous prices, and shamefully enough the
+German shopkeepers are most guilty. These pot-bellied merchants don't
+seem to realize that they exist owing to our exertions.
+
+I was much struck with the beautiful orderliness of the small gardens
+which we have laid out since 1914, and, in fact, wherever one looks
+there is evidence of the genius of the German race for thorough
+organization. Yet these Belgians don't seem to appreciate it. I can't
+understand it.
+
+I find here that social life is very much gayer than at that mad town
+of Wilhelmshaven. At the High Seas Fleet bases there was the strictness
+and austerity that some people seem to consider necessary to show that
+we are at war, though Heaven knows there was precious little war in the
+High Seas Fleet; perhaps that was why the "blood and iron" regime was
+in full order ashore. Here, in Bruges, at any rate as far as the
+submarine officers are concerned, the matter is far different. When the
+boats are in, one seems to do as one likes, with a perfunctory visit to
+the ship in the course of the day.
+
+Witnitz (the Commodore) favours complete relaxation when in from a
+trip. In the evenings there are parties, for which there are always
+ladies, and I find it is necessary to have a "smoking."[1] I went to
+the best tailor to buy one, and found that I must have one made at the
+damnable price of 140 marks; the fitter, an oily Jew, had the
+incredible impertinence to assure me it would be cut on London lines!
+
+[Footnote 1: A dinner jacket.]
+
+I nearly felled him to the ground; can one never get away from England
+and things English? I'll see his account waits a bit before I settle
+it.
+
+There are several fellows I know here. Karl Mueller, who was 3rd
+watchkeeper in the _Yorck_, and Adolf Hilfsbaumer, who was captain of
+G.176, are the two I know best. They are both doing a few trips as
+second in commands of the later U.C. boats, which are mine-laying off
+the English coasts. This is a most dangerous operation, and nearly all
+the U.C. boats are commanded by reserve officers, of whom there are a
+good many in the Mess.
+
+Excellent fellows, no doubt, but somewhat uncouth and lacking the finer
+points of breeding; as far as I can see in the short time I have been
+here they keep themselves to themselves a good deal. I certainly don't
+wish to mix with them. Unfortunately, it appears that I am almost bound
+to be appointed as second in command of one of the U.C. boats, for at
+least one trip before I go to the periscope school and train for a
+command of my own. The idea of being bottled up in an elongated cigar
+and under the command of one of those nautical plough-boys is
+repellent. However, the Von Schenks have never been too proud to obey
+in order to learn how to command.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have been appointed second in command to U.C.47. Her captain is one
+Max Alten by name. Beyond the fact that I saw him drunk one night in
+the Mess I know nothing of him.
+
+I reported to him and he seems rather in awe of me. His fears are
+groundless.
+
+I shall make it as easy as possible for him, for it must be as awkward
+for him as it is unpleasant for me.
+
+To celebrate my proper entry into the U-boat service, I gave a dinner
+party last night in a private room at "Le Coq d'Or." I asked Karl and
+Adolf, and told them to bring three girls. My opposite number was a
+lovely girl called Zoe something or other. I wore my "smoking" for the
+first time; it is certainly a becoming costume.
+
+We drank a good deal of champagne and had a very pleasant little
+debauch; the girls got very merry, and I kissed Zoe once. She was not
+very angry. I think she is thoroughly charming, and I have accepted an
+invitation to take tea at her flat. She is either the wife or the chere
+amie of a colonel in the Brandenburgers, I could not make out which.
+Luckily the gallant "Cockchafer" is at the moment on the La Bassee
+sector, where I was interested to observe that heavy fighting has
+broken out to-day. I must console the fair Zoe!
+
+Both Karl and Adolf got rather drunk, Adolf hopelessly so, but I, as
+usual, was hardly affected. I have a head of iron, provided the liquor
+is good, and _I_ saw to that point.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We were sailing, or rather going down the canal to Zeebrugge on Friday,
+but the starting resistance of the port main motor burnt out and we
+were delayed till Sunday, as they will fit a new one.
+
+I must confess the organization for repair work here is admirable, as
+very little is done by the crews in the U-boats, all work being carried
+out by the permanent staff, who are quartered at Bruges docks. Taking
+advantage of the delay I called on Zoe Stein, as I find she is named.
+
+It appears she is _not_ married to Colonel Stein. She told me he was
+fat and ugly, and laughed a good deal about him. She showed me his
+photograph, and certainly he is no beauty. However, he must be a man of
+means, as he has given her a charming flat, beautifully decorated with
+water-colours which the Colonel salved from the French chateau in the
+early days--these army fellows had all the chances.
+
+I bade an affectionate farewell to Zoe, and I trust Stein will be still
+busily engaged at La Bassee when I return in a fortnight's time! I am
+greatly obliged to Karl for the introduction, and told him so; he
+himself is running after a little grass widow whose husband has been
+missing for some months. I think Karl finds it an expensive game;
+luckily Zoe seems well supplied with money--the essential ingredient in
+a joyous life.
+
+On Friday night we had an air-raid--a frequent event here, but my first
+experience in this line. Unpleasant, but a fine spectacle, considerable
+damage done near the docks and an unexploded bomb fell in a street near
+our headquarters.
+
+Two machines (British) brought down in flames. I saw the green balls
+[1] for the first time. A most fascinating sight to see them floating
+up in waving chains into the vault of heaven; they reminded me of
+making daisy chains as a child.
+
+[Footnote 1: Known as "Flying-onions."]
+
+
+
+
+_At Zeebrugge_.
+
+
+We are alongside the mole in one of the new submarine shelters that has
+been built.
+
+The boat is under a concrete roof over three feet thick, which would
+defy the heaviest bomb.
+
+We have much improved the port since our arrival. The port, so-called,
+is purely artificial, and actually consists of a long mole with a
+gentle curve in it, which reaches out to seaward and protects the mouth
+of the canal. The tides are very strong up and down the coast, and
+constant dredging is carried out to keep 20 feet of water over the sill
+at the lock gates.
+
+On arrival last night we went straight into No. 11 shelter, as an
+air-raid was expected, but nothing happened, so I went up to the
+"Flandre," which seems to be the best hotel here, full of submarine
+people, and I heard many interesting stories. There seems no doubt this
+U-boat war is dangerous work; I find the U.C. boats are beginning to be
+called the Suicide Club, after the famous English story of that name,
+which, curiously enough, I saw on the kinematograph at Frankfurt last
+leave. We Germans are extraordinarily broad-minded; I doubt if the
+works of German authors are seen on the screens in England or France.
+
+The news from the West is good, the English are hurling themselves to
+destruction against our steel front. We are now to load up with mines.
+I must stop writing to superintend this work.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea. Near the South Dogger Light._
+
+
+We loaded up the ten mines we carry in an hour and five minutes. They
+were lifted from a railway truck by a big crane and delicately lowered
+into the mine tubes, of which we have five in the bows.
+
+The tubes extend from the upper deck of the ship to her keel, and slope
+aft to facilitate release. Having completed with fuel at Bruges, we
+took in a store of provisions and Alten went up to the Commodore's
+office to get our sailing orders.
+
+We sailed at 6 p.m. and at last I felt I was off. To-day, the 22nd, we
+are just north of the South Dogger, steering north-westerly at 9-1/2
+knots.
+
+The sea is quite calm and everything is very pleasant. Our mission is
+to lay a small minefield off Newcastle in the East Coast war channel. I
+have, of course, never been to sea for any length of time in a U-boat,
+and it is all very novel.
+
+I find the roar of the Diesel engine very relentless, and last night
+slept badly in a wretched bunk, which was a poor substitute for my
+lovely quarters in the barracks at Wilhelmshaven. One thing I
+appreciate, and that is the food; it is really excellent: fresh milk,
+fresh butter, white bread and many other luxuries.
+
+I have spent most of the day picking up things about the boat. Her
+general arrangement is as follows:
+
+Starting in the bows, mine tubes occupy the centre of the boat, leaving
+two narrow passages, one each side. In the port passage is the wireless
+cabinet and signal flag lockers, with store rooms underneath. In the
+starboard passage are one or two small pumps and the kitchen.
+
+The next compartment contains four bunks, two each side, these are
+occupied by Alten, myself, the engineer, and the Navigating Warrant
+Officer. Proceeding further aft one enters the control room, in which
+one periscope is situated, and the necessary valves and pumps for
+diving the boat.
+
+The next compartment is the crew space; ten of the company exist here.
+
+Overhead on each side is the gear for releasing the torpedoes from the
+external torpedo tubes, of which we carry one each side. I think we
+borrowed this idea from the Russians.
+
+Then comes the engine-room, an inferno of rattling noises, but
+excellent engines, I believe. At the after end of the engine-room are
+the two main switchboards, of whose manner of working I am at present
+in some ignorance.
+
+The two main sets of electric motors are underneath the boards, in the
+stern, where we have a third torpedo tube.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I had hardly written the above words when a message came that the
+captain would like me to come to the bridge.
+
+I went up in a leisurely fashion, through the conning tower, which is
+over the control room, and reported myself. He indicated a low-lying
+patch of smoke on the horizon far away on the starboard bow. I was
+obliged to confess that it conveyed nothing to me, when he aroused my
+intense interest by stating that it was, without doubt, being emitted
+from a British submarine, who are known to frequent these waters. He
+was proceeding away from us, and was, even then, six or seven miles
+away, so an attack was out of the question. The engineer, who had
+joined us, drew my attention to the thin wisp of almost invisible
+blue-grey smoke from our own stern. The contrast was certainly
+striking!
+
+Over dinner I gave it as my opinion that the British boats were pretty
+useless. Alten would not agree, and stated that, though in certain
+technical aspects they were in a position of inferiority, yet in
+personnel and skill in attacking they were fully our equals. He seemed
+to hold them in considerable respect, and he remarked that, when making
+a passage, he was more anxious on their account than in any other way.
+He informed me that, on the last passage he made, he was attacked by a
+British boat which he never saw, the only indication he received being
+a torpedo which jumped out of the water almost over his tail. Luckily
+it was very rough at the time, which made the torpedo run erratically,
+otherwise they would undoubtedly have been hit.
+
+What appeared to astonish him was the fact that the British boat had
+been able to make an attack in such weather. We are now charging on one
+engine, 500 amperes on each half-battery.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are due back at Zeebrugge at 10 p.m. to-night. We should have been
+in at dawn to-day, but we received a wireless from the senior officer,
+Zeebrugge, to say that mine-laying was suspected, and we were to wait
+till the "Q.R." channel, from the Blankenberg buoy, had been swept. We
+lay in the bottom for eight hours, a few miles from the western end of
+the channel.
+
+Our trip was quite successful, but not without certain excitements.
+
+On the night of the 23rd we passed fairly close to a fishing fleet on
+the Dogger Bank, and saw the lights of several steamers in the
+distance. As our first business was to lay our mines in the appointed
+place, we did not worry them.
+
+We burnt usual navigation lights, or rather side lights which appear to
+be usual, except that, by a little fitting which Alten has made
+himself, the arcs of bearing on which the lights show can be changed at
+will. His idea is that, should we appear to be approaching a steamer
+which he wishes to avoid, in many cases, by shining a little more or
+less red and green light, we can make her think that we are a steamer
+on such a course that it is her duty by the rules of the road to keep
+clear of us.
+
+He tells me it has worked on several occasions, and he has also found
+it useful to have two small auxiliary side lights fitted which are the
+wrong colours for the sides they are on. It is, of course, only neutral
+shipping which carry lights nowadays, though Alten says that many
+British ships are still incredibly careless in the matter of lights.
+
+However, to resume my account of what happened. We reached our position
+at dawn or slightly after, the weather was beautifully calm and the sea
+like glass. As we were only three miles from the English coast, and
+close to the mouth of the Tyne, we were extraordinarily lucky to have
+nothing in sight, if one excepts a long smudge of smoke which trailed
+across the horizon to the southward.
+
+The land itself was obscured by early morning banks of mist, yet
+everything was so still that we actually faintly heard the whistle of a
+train. I could hardly restrain from suggesting to Alten that we should
+elevate the 10-cm. gun to fifteen degrees and fire a few rounds on to
+"proud Albion's virgin shores," but I did not do so as I felt fairly
+certain that he would not approve, and I do not wish to lay myself open
+to rebuffs from him after his behaviour concerning the smoking
+incident. I boil with rage at the thought, but again I digress.
+
+The fact that the land was obscured was favourable from the point of
+view that we were not worried by coast watchers, but unfavourable from
+the standpoint that we were unable to take bearings of anything and so
+ascertain our exact position.
+
+The importance of this point in submarine mine-laying is obvious, for,
+owing to our small cargo of eggs, it is quite possible that we may be
+sent here again, to lay an adjacent field, in which case it is highly
+desirable to know the exact position of one's previous effort.
+
+[Illustration: "Steering north-westerly...; to lay a small minefield
+off Newcastle."]
+
+[Illustration: "He had suddenly seen the bow waves of a destroyer
+approaching at full speed to ram."]
+
+We were somewhat assisted in our efforts to locate ourselves by the
+fact that a seven-fathom patch existed exactly where we had to lay. We
+picked up the edge of this bank with our sounding machine, and steering
+north half a mile, laid our mines in latitude--No! on second thoughts I
+will omit the precise position, for, though I shall take every
+precaution, there is no saying that through some misfortune this
+Journal might not get into the wrong hands.
+
+I am very glad I decided to keep these notes, as I shall take much
+pleasure in reading them when Victory crowns our efforts and the joys
+of a peaceful life return.
+
+I found it a delightful sensation being so close to the enemy coast, in
+his territorial waters, in fact. For the first time since the Skajerack
+battle I experienced the personal joys of war, the sensation of
+intimate and successful contact with the enemy, and the most hated
+enemy at that.
+
+We had hardly finished laying our eggs when a droning noise was heard.
+With marvellous celerity we dived, that damned fellow Alten, who, under
+these circumstances leaves the bridge last, treading on my fingers as
+he followed me down the conning tower ladder.
+
+The engineer endeavoured to sympathize with me, and made some idiotic
+remark about my being quicker when I had had more practice. I bit his
+head off. I can't stand this hail-fellow-well-met attitude in these
+U.C. boats, from any lout dressed in an officer's uniform. They
+wouldn't be holding commissions if it wasn't for the war, and they
+should remember that fact. I suppose they think I'm stand-offish. Well,
+if they had my family tree behind them they would understand.
+
+We dived to sixty feet, and then came up to twenty. Alten looked
+through the periscope, and then invited me to look. Curiosity impelled
+me to accept this favour and, putting the focussing lever to
+"skyscrape" I swept round the sky.
+
+At last I saw him; he was a small gas-bag of diminutive size, beneath
+which was suspended a little car, the most ridiculous little travesty
+of an airship I have ever seen. He was nosing along at about 800 feet
+and making about 40 knots.
+
+Suddenly he must have seen the wake of our periscope, for he turned
+towards us. Simultaneously Alten, from the conning tower (I was using
+the other periscope in the control room), ordered the boat to sixty
+feet, and put the helm hard over.
+
+We had turned sixteen points, [1] and in about two minutes heard a
+series of reports right astern of us. It was evident that our ruse had
+succeeded and that he had overshot the mark.
+
+[Footnote 1: 180 deg.]
+
+Inside the boat one felt a slight jar as each bomb went off.
+
+We gradually came round to our proper course, and cruised all day
+submerged at dead slow speed. Every time we lifted our periscope he was
+still hanging about sufficiently close to make it foolish for us to
+come to the surface.
+
+Towards noon a group of trawlers, doubtless summoned by wireless,
+appeared, and proceeded to wander about. These seemed to concern Alten
+far more than the airship, and he informed me that from their, to me,
+aimless movements he deduced they were hunting for us by hydroplanes.
+Occasionally we lay on the bottom in nineteen fathoms.
+
+By 4 p.m. the atmosphere was becoming rather unpleasant and hot, and
+gradually we took off more clothes. Curiously enough, I longed for a
+smoke, but wild horses would not have made me ask Alten for permission.
+
+At 8 p.m. it was sufficiently dark to enable us to rise, which gave me
+great pleasure, though the first rush of fresh air down the hatch made
+me vomit after hours of breathing the vitiated muck. On coming to the
+surface we saw nothing in sight, but a breeze had sprung up which
+caused spray to break over the bridge as we chugged along at 9 knots.
+
+Everyone was in high spirits, as always on the return journey, when the
+mind turns to the Fatherland and all it holds.
+
+My mind turns to Zoe. I confess it to myself frankly. I hardly realized
+to what extent this woman had begun to influence me until we received
+the wireless signal ordering us to delay entering for twelve hours. The
+receipt of this news, trivial though the delay has been, threw a mantle
+of gloom over the crew. I participated in the depression and, upon
+thought, rather wondered that this should be so. Self-analysis on the
+lines laid down by Schessmanweil [1] revealed to me that the basis of
+my annoyance is the fact that my next meeting with Zoe is deferred! I
+feel instinctively that I shall have trouble here, and that I had
+better haul off a lee shore whilst there is manoeuvring room, and
+yet--and yet I secretly rejoice that every revolution of the propeller,
+every clank and rattle of the Diesels brings us closer together.
+
+[Footnote 1: Apparently some German author, of obscure origin, as I
+cannot find him in any book of reference.--ETIENNE.]
+
+Alten has just come down from the bridge, and we chatted for some
+moments; it is evident that he wishes to apologize for his rudeness
+over the smoking incident.
+
+I was in error, I admit it frankly; at the same time I did not know
+that the battery was on charge, and to dash a match from my hand! I
+could have shot him where he stood. However, I am not vindictive, and
+as far as I am concerned the incident is ended.
+
+One thing I find trying in this small boat, and that is that I can
+find no space in which to do half my Mueller exercises, the
+leg-and-arm-swinging ones. I must see whether I can't invent a set of
+U-boat exercises!
+
+Good! in two hours we reach the Mole-end light buoy.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_Submarine Mess, Bruges._
+
+
+It is midnight, and as I write in my room at the top of the house the
+low rumble of the guns from the south-west vibrates faintly through the
+open window, for it is extraordinarily warm for the time of year, and I
+have flung back the curtains and risked the light shining.
+
+We spent the night at Zeebrugge and came up to the docks here next day.
+We shall probably be in for a week, and I am on four days' "extended
+absence from the boat," which practically means that I can go where I
+like in the neighbourhood provided I am handy to a telephone.
+
+After a short inward struggle I rang Zoe up on the telephone;
+fortunately I did not call first.
+
+A man's voice answered, and for a moment I was dumbfounded. I guessed
+at once it was the Colonel, and I had counted so confidently on his
+being still away at the front.
+
+For an instant I felt speechless, an impulse came to me to ring off
+without further ado, but I restrained myself, and then a fine idea came
+into my head.
+
+"Who is that?" I said.
+
+"Colonel Stein!" replied the voice, and my fears were confirmed, but my
+plan of campaign held good.
+
+"I am speaking," I continued, "on behalf of Lieutenant Von
+Schenk----"
+
+"Ah, yes!" growled the voice, and for an instant a panic seized me, but
+I resumed:
+
+"He met Madame Stein at dinner some days ago, and she kindly asked him
+to call; he has asked me to ring up and inquire when it would be
+convenient, as he would like to meet you, sir, as well. He has been
+unable to ring up himself, as he was sent away from Bruges on duty
+early this morning."
+
+I smiled to myself at this little lie and listened.
+
+"Your friend had better call to-morrow then, for I leave to-morrow
+evening for the Somme front; will you tell him?"
+
+I replied that I would, and left the telephone well satisfied, but
+cursing the fates that made it advisable to keep clear of No. 10,
+Kafelle Strasse for thirty-six hours. Needless to say next day I rang
+up again in order to tell the Colonel that Lieutenant Schenk had
+apparently been detained, as he was not yet back in Bruges, and how I
+felt sure that he would be sorry at missing the Colonel, etc., etc.,
+but all this camouflage was unnecessary, as she herself came to the
+'phone. I could have kissed the instrument when I told her of my
+stratagem and heard her silvery laughter in my ear.
+
+"It is arranged that to-morrow, starting at 10.30, we motor for the day
+to the Forest of Meten, taking our lunch and tea with us--pray Heaven
+the weather holds."
+
+To-night in the Mess it is generally considered that U.B.40 has been
+lost; she is ten days overdue and was operating off Havre, she has made
+no signal for a fortnight. Such is the price of victory and the cost of
+war--death, perhaps, in some terrible form, but bah! away with such
+thoughts, to-morrow there is love and life and Zoe!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Once more it is night, still the guns rumble on the same old dismal
+tones, and as it is raining now it must be getting bad up at the front.
+Except for the rain it might have been last night, but much has
+happened to me in the meanwhile.
+
+To-day in the forest by Ruysslede I found that I loved Zoe, loved her
+as I have never yet loved woman, loved her with my soul and all that is
+me.
+
+The day was gloriously fine when we started, and an hour's run took us
+to the forest. We left the car at an inn and wandered down one of the
+glades.
+
+I carried the basket and we strolled on and on until we found a
+suitable place deep in the heart of the forest.
+
+I have the sailor's love for woods, for their depths, their shadows,
+their mysteries, which are so vivid a contrast to the monotony of the
+sea, with the everlasting circle of the horizon and the half-bowl of
+the heavens above.
+
+In the forest to-day, though the leaves had turned to gold and red and
+brown, the beeches were still well covered, and overhead we were tented
+with a russet canopy.
+
+I say, at last we found a spot, or rather Zoe, who, with girlish
+pleasure in the adventure, had run ahead, called to me, and as I write
+I seem to hear the echoes of "Karl! Karl!" which rang through the wood.
+When I came up to her she proudly pointed to the place she had found.
+
+It was ideal. An outcrop of rock formed a miniature Matterhorn in the
+forest, and beneath its shelter with the old trees as silent witnesses
+we sat and joked and laughed, and made twenty attempts to light a fire.
+
+After lunch, a little incident happened which had an enormous effect on
+me; Zoe asked me whether I would mind if she smoked.
+
+How many women in these days would think of doing that? And yet, had
+she but known it, I am still sufficiently old-fashioned to appreciate
+the implied respect for any possible prejudices which was contained in
+her request.
+
+After lunch, I asked her a question to which I dreaded the answer.
+
+I asked her whether, now that the old Colonel had gone to the Somme,
+whether that meant that she would be leaving Bruges.
+
+She laughed and teasingly said: "Quien sabe, senor," but seeing my real
+anxiety on this point, she assured me that she was not leaving for the
+present. The Colonel, she said, had a strange belief that once a man
+had served on the Flanders Front, and especially on the Ypres salient,
+he always came back to die there.
+
+It appears that the Colonel has done fourteen months' service on the
+salient alone, and is firmly convinced he will end his career on that
+great burial ground. As we were talking about the Colonel I longed to
+ask her how she had met him, and perhaps find out why she lives with
+him, for I cannot believe she loves him, but I did not dare.
+
+Strangely enough I found that a curious shyness had taken hold of me
+with regard to Zoe.
+
+I said to myself, "Fool! you are alone with her, you long to kiss her;
+you have kissed her, first at the dinner-party, secondly when you said
+good-bye at her flat," and yet to-day it was different.
+
+Then I was kissing a pretty woman, I was on the eve of a dangerous
+life, and I was simply extracting the animal pleasures whilst I lived.
+
+To-day it was a case of Zoe, the personality I loved; I still longed to
+kiss her, but I wanted to have the unquestioned right to kiss her, as
+much as I wanted the kisses.
+
+I wanted to have her for my own, away from the contaminating ownership
+of the old Colonel, and I determined to get her.
+
+I think she noticed the changed attitude on my part, and perhaps she
+felt herself that a subtle change in our relationship had taken place,
+and whilst I meditated on these things she fell into a doze at my side.
+
+I was sitting slightly above her, smoking to keep the midges away, and
+as I looked down on her childish figure a great tenderness for her
+filled my mind. She is very beautiful and to me desirable above all
+women; I can see her as she lay there trustfully at my feet. I will
+describe her, and then, when I get her photograph, I will read this
+when I am far away on a trip.
+
+She is of average height, for I am just over six feet and she reaches
+to just above my shoulder. Her hair is gloriously thick and of a deep
+black colour, and lies low on her forehead. Her complexion is of the
+purest whiteness beyond compare, which but accentuates the red warmth
+of the lips which encircle her little mouth. Her figure is slight and
+her ankles are my delight, but her crowning glories, which I have
+purposely left till last, are her eyes.
+
+I feel I could lose my soul; I have lost it, if I have one, in the
+violet depths of those eyes, which were veiled as she slept by the long
+black eyelashes which curled up delicately as they rested on her
+cheeks. I have re-read this description, and it is oh, so unsatisfying;
+would I had the pen of a Goethe or a Shakespeare, yet for want of more
+skill the description shall stand.
+
+How I long for her to be mine, and yet, unfortunate that I am, I cannot
+for certain declare that she loves me.
+
+A thousand doubts arise. I torment myself with recollections of her
+behaviour at the dinner-party, when within two hours of our first
+meeting she gave me her lips.
+
+Yet did I not first roughly kiss her as we danced?
+
+I find consolation in the fact that, though she has said nothing, yet
+her conduct to-day was different. She was so quiet after tea as we
+wandered back through the forests with the setting sun striking golden
+beams aslant the tree trunks.
+
+Before we left I sang to her Tchaikowsky's beautiful song, "To the
+Forest," and I think she was pleased, for I may say with justice that
+my voice is of high quality for an amateur, and the song goes well
+without an accompaniment, whilst the atmosphere and surroundings were
+ideal.
+
+There was only one jarring note in a perfect day; when we returned to
+the car the chauffeur permitted himself a sardonic grin. Zoe
+unfortunately saw it and blushed scarlet.
+
+I could have struck him on his impudent mouth, but for her sake I
+judged it advisable to notice nothing.
+
+I feel I could go on writing about her all night, but it is nearly 2
+a.m. I must get some sleep.
+
+The guns rumble steadily in the south-west, and the sky is lit by their
+flashes; may the fighting on the Somme be bloody these coming days.
+
+
+
+
+[_Probably about ten days later.--Etienne._]
+
+
+We leave to-night, having had a longer spell than usual. I am in a
+distracted state of mind. Since our glorious day in the forest I have
+seen her nearly every afternoon, though twice that swine Alten has kept
+me in the boat in connection with some replacements of the battery.
+
+I have found out that, like me, she is intensely musical. She plays
+beautifully on the piano, and we had long hours together playing Chopin
+and Beethoven; we also played some of Moussorgsky's duets, but I love
+her best when she plays Chopin, the composer pre-eminent of love and
+passion.
+
+She has masses of music, as the Colonel gives her what she likes. We
+also played a lot of Debussy. At first I demurred at playing a living
+French composer's works, but she pouted and looked so adorable that all
+my scruples vanished in an instant, so we closed all the doors and she
+played it for hours very softly whilst I forgot the war and all its
+horrors and remembered only that I was with the well-beloved girl.
+
+The Colonel writes from Thiepval, where the British are pouring out
+their blood like water. He writes very interesting letters, and has had
+many narrow escapes, but unfortunately he seems to bear a charmed life.
+His letters are full of details, and I wonder he gets them past the
+Field Censorship, but I suppose he censors his own.
+
+She laughs at them and calls them her Colonel's dispatches; she says he
+is so accustomed to writing official reports that the poor old man
+can't write an ordinary letter.
+
+I told her that I thought the way he mentioned regiments and
+dispositions rather indiscreet, and she agrees, but she says he has
+asked her to keep them, with a view to forming a collection of letters
+written from the front whilst the incidents he describes are vivid in
+his mind. I suppose the old ass knows his own business, and one day the
+collection may be completed by a telegram "Regretting to announce, etc.
+etc." The sooner the better.
+
+So the days passed pleasantly enough, and never by a gesture or word of
+mouth did she show that I was more to her than any other pleasant young
+man.
+
+I kissed her when I arrived, I kissed her when I left, each day was the
+same. She would put her arms round my neck and look long and deeply
+into my eyes, then she would gently kiss my lips. Not an atom of
+emotion! not a spark from the fires which I feel must be raging beneath
+that diabolically [1] extraordinary [1] amazingly calm exterior.
+
+[Footnote 1: These words are crossed out.--ETIENNE.]
+
+On ordinary subjects she would chatter vivaciously enough and she can
+talk in a fascinating manner on every subject I care to bring up, but
+as soon as I drew the conversation round to a personal line she
+gradually became more silent and a far-away and distant look came into
+those wonderful eyes.
+
+I have found out nothing about her beyond the fact that she has
+travelled all over Europe. I don't even know how old she is, but I
+should guess twenty-six.
+
+I tried to find out a few details by means of discreet remarks at the
+Club and elsewhere.
+
+She simply arrived here about a year ago--as a singer, and met the
+Colonel--beyond that, all is mystery. Everything about her attracts me
+powerfully, and this mystery adds subtleties to her charms.
+
+This afternoon I went to say good-bye; I told her we were leaving
+"shortly," and she gently reproved me for disobeying the order which
+forbids discussion of movements, but I could see she was not greatly
+displeased.
+
+After tea she played to me, music of the modern Russian
+school--Arensky, Sibelius and Pilsuki; a storm was brewing and we both
+felt sad.
+
+She played for an hour or so, and then came and sat by me on a low
+divan by the fire. We were silent for a long while in the gathering
+gloom, whilst a thousand thoughts chased each other swiftly through my
+brain, as I endeavoured to summon up courage to say what I had
+determined I must say before I left her, perhaps for ever.
+
+At last, when only her profile was visible against the glow of the
+logs, I spoke.
+
+I told her quietly, calmly and almost dispassionately that I had grown
+to love her and that to me she was life itself. I told her that I had
+tried not to speak until I could endure no longer.
+
+She sat very still as I spoke, and when I had finished there was a long
+silence and I gently stretched out my hand and stroked her lovely black
+hair. At last she rose and with averted face walked across the room,
+and stood looking at the storm through the big bow windows. I watched
+her, but did not dare follow.
+
+At length she returned to me, and I saw what I had instinctively known
+the whole time--that she had been crying. I could not think why.
+
+She put her arms round my neck, kissed me on the forehead and murmured,
+"Poor Karl."
+
+I felt crushed; I dared not move for fear of breaking the magic of the
+moment, yet I longed to know more; I felt overwhelmed by some colossal
+mystery that seemed to be enveloping me in its folds. Why did she pity
+me? Why did she weep? Why didn't she answer my avowal? Why didn't she
+tell me something? Such were some of the problems that perplexed me.
+
+It was thus when the clock chimed seven. I told her that my leave was
+up at seven o'clock, and that at 7.15 I had to be back on board the
+boat. She remembered this, and in an instant the past quarter of an
+hour might never have existed. She was all agitation and nervousness
+lest I should be late on board--though at the moment I would have
+cheerfully missed the boat to hear her say she loved me.
+
+I tried to protest, but in vain. With feminine quickness she utilized
+the incident to avoid a situation she evidently found full of
+difficulty, and at 7.10, with the memory of a light kiss on my lips and
+her God-speed in my ears I was in a taxi driving to the docks in a
+blinding rain-storm--and we sail to-night.
+
+For five, six, seven, perhaps ten days at the least, and at the most
+for ever, I am doomed to be away from her and without news of her. And
+I don't even know whether she loves me!
+
+I think I can say she cares for me up to a certain point, but I want
+more.
+
+  "Oh Zoe! of the violet eyes,
+  And hair of blackest night
+  Thy lips are brightest crimson,
+  Thy skin is dazzling white.
+
+  "Oh! lay your head upon my breast,
+  And lift your lips to mine;
+  Then murmur in soft breathings,
+  Drink deep from what is thine.
+
+  "Then let the war rage onward,
+  Let kingdoms rise and fall;
+  To each shall be the other,
+  Their life, their hope, their all."
+
+[Footnote: I am indebted to Commander C. C. for the above rough
+translation of Karl's effusion.--ETIENNE.]
+
+
+
+
+_At sea._
+
+
+We are bound for the same old spot as last time.
+
+Alten must have been drinking like a fish lately; his breath smells
+like a distillery; he is apparently partial to schnapps, which he gets
+easily in Bruges.
+
+I can't help admiring the man, as he is a rigid teetotaller at sea,
+though he must find the strain well nigh intolerable, judging from the
+condition he was in when he came on board last night. He was really
+totally unfit to take charge of the boat, and I virtually took her down
+the canal, though with sottish obstinacy he insisted on remaining on
+the bridge.
+
+This morning, though his complexion was a hideous yellow colour, he
+seems quite all right. I shall play a little trick on him at dinner
+to-night.
+
+I have begun to get to know some of the crew by now; they are a fine
+lot of youngsters with a seasoning of half a dozen older men. The
+coxswain, Schmitt by name, is a splendid old petty officer who has been
+in the U-boat service since 1911.
+
+His favourite enjoyment is to spin yarns to the younger members of the
+crew, who know of his weakness and play up to it.
+
+He has a favourite expression which runs thus:
+
+"His Majesty the Kaiser said Germany's future lies on the sea; I say
+Germany's future lies under the sea."
+
+He is inordinately fond of this statement, and the youngsters
+continually say: "What made you take to U-boat work, Schmitt?" and the
+invariable reply is as above. When he has been asked the question about
+half a dozen times in the course of a day, he is liable to become
+suspicious, and if his questioner is within range Schmitt stares at him
+for a few seconds in an absent-minded way, then an arm like that of a
+gorilla shoots out, and the quizzer (_Untersucher_) receives a
+resounding box on the ears to the huge delight of his companions. The
+old man then permits his iron-lipped mouth to relax into a caustic
+smile, after which he is left in peace for some time.
+
+At the wheel he is an artist, for he seems to divine what the next
+order is going to be, or if he is steering her on a course he predicts
+the direction of the next wave even as a skilful chess player works out
+the moves ahead.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am rather weary and ought to go to bed, but before I lose the savour
+I must record the splendid fun I had with Alten at dinner.
+
+We were dining alone, as the navigator was on the bridge, and the
+engineer was busy with a slight leak in the cooking water service. I
+have said that, though a heavy drinker by nature, Alten is a strict
+abstainer at sea. Accordingly I produced a small flask of rum, half-way
+through dinner, and helped myself to a liberal tot, placing the liquor
+between us on the table. As the sight met his eyes and the aroma
+greeted his nostrils, a gleam of joy flashed across his face, to be
+succeeded by a frown.
+
+With an amiable smile I proffered the flask to him, remarking at the
+same time: "You don't drink at sea, do you?"
+
+In a thick voice he muttered, "No! Yes--no! thank you."
+
+With an air of having noticed nothing, I resumed my meal, but out of
+the corner of my eye I watched his left hand on the table near the
+flask. It was most interesting, all the veins stood out like ropes, and
+his knuckles almost burst through the skin.
+
+This went on for about thirty seconds, when he choked out something
+about needing a breath of fresh air. As he got up his face was brick
+red, and I almost thought he'd have a fit.
+
+Whether by accident or design he pulled the cloth as he got out from
+between the settee and the table and upset the flask.
+
+He was apparently incapable of apologizing, for he rushed up on deck.
+
+A few minutes later the navigating officer came down and asked what was
+up?
+
+I said: "What do you mean?"
+
+He said: "Well, the Captain came up just now, swearing like a trooper,
+and told me to get to the devil out of it; it didn't seem advisable to
+question him, so I got out of it and came down."
+
+I expressed my opinion that the Captain must be feeling sea-sick and
+was ashamed to say so. I also suggested to the navigator that he should
+take the Captain a little brandy in case he was not feeling well, but
+the navigator declared he was going to stay down in the warmth till he
+was sent for. Alten is a great coarse brute. Fancy allowing a material
+substance such as alcohol to grip one's mentality.
+
+Thank Heaven I have nerves of iron; nothing would affect me!
+
+And now to bed, though I must just read my account of our day in the
+forest. Darling girl, may I dream of thee.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We laid our mines without trouble at 5 a.m. this morning, though at
+midnight we had a most unpleasant experience.
+
+I was asleep, as it was my morning watch, when I was awakened by the
+harsh rattle of the diving alarms.
+
+The Diesel subsided with a few spasmodic coughs into silence, and as I
+jumped out of my bunk and groped for my short sea boots, the navigator
+and helmsman came tumbling down the conning tower, with the navigator
+shouting, "Take her down," as hard as you like.
+
+The men at the planes had them "hard-to-dive" in an instant.
+
+The vents had been opened as the hooters sounded, and Alten, who had
+jumped into the control room, immediately rang down, "All out on the
+electric motors."
+
+In thirty seconds from the original alarm we were at an angle of twenty
+degrees down by the bow, and I had sat down heavily on the battery
+boards, completely surprised by the sudden tilt of the deck.
+
+It occurred to me that the air was escaping through the vents with a
+strangely loud noise, but before I could consider the matter further or
+even inquire the reason for this sudden dive, the noise increased to a
+terrifying extent, and whilst I prepared myself for the worst it
+culminated into a roar as of fifty express trains going through a
+tunnel, mingled with the noise of a high-powered aeroplane engine.
+
+The roar drummed and beat and shook the boat, then died away as
+suddenly as it came; a moment later there was a severe jar. We had
+struck the bottom, still maintaining our angle.
+
+I painfully got to my feet and then discovered from the navigator that
+he had suddenly seen two white patches of foam 800 yards on the
+starboard bow, which resolved themselves into the bow waves of a
+destroyer approaching at full speed to ram.
+
+We had dived just in time, and her knife-edged bow, driven by 30,000
+horse power, had slid through the water a very few feet above our
+conning tower.
+
+Luckily he had not dropped any depth charges. We were not, however,
+completely free of our troubles, though we had cheated the destroyer.
+
+Examination of the chart, showed the bottom to be mud, and on
+attempting to move the foremost hydroplanes, the plane motor fuses blew
+out. This showed that the boat was buried in the mud right up to her
+foremost planes, which were immovable.
+
+The hydrophone watchkeeper reported that he could still hear
+fast-running propellers, though probably some distance away, and as
+this showed that our old enemy was still nosing about we were very
+anxious not to break surface. We just blew "A." [1] At least we started
+to blow "A," but Alten wisely decided that, as it was a calm night with
+a half-moon, the bubbles on the surface might be rather conspicuous, so
+we stopped the blow and put the pump on. We also flooded "W". [2] This
+had no effect on her at all.
+
+[Footnote 1: Probably their foremost internal tank.--ETIENNE.]
+
+[Footnote 2: Presumably their after internal tank.--ETIENNE.]
+
+We then pumped out "Q" and "P," leaving "W" full, and adjusted our trim
+to give her only three tons negative buoyancy, just enough to keep us
+on the bottom if she came out of the mud.
+
+In this position we went full speed astern on the motors, 1,500 amps on
+each, and all the crew in the after-compartment. No result. We then
+pumped the outer diving tanks on the port side to give her a list to
+starboard. Still she remained fixed.
+
+So at 2 a.m. we decided to risk it and we put a slow blow on all tanks.
+
+When she had about fifty tons positive buoyancy she suddenly bucketed
+up, and, as the motors were running full speed astern at the time, we
+came up and broke surface stern first. In a few seconds we were trimmed
+down again, and as a precautionary measure we proceeded for a couple of
+miles at twenty metres, when, coming up to periscope depth, we
+surfaced, and finding all clear we proceeded. We were put down by a
+trawler at dawn, though she never saw us. After half an hour's hanging
+about she moved off, which was lucky, as she was right on our billet.
+
+We are now proceeding to a spot somewhat to the eastward of Cape St.
+Abbs, [3] as we have instructions to do a two-days patrol here and sink
+shipping.
+
+[Footnote 3: St. Abbs Head.--ETIENNE]
+
+We ought to start business to-morrow morning.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We should be in to-night, then for my little Zoe!
+
+But I must record what we have done. Already I am getting much pleasure
+from reading my diary. Strange how it amuses one to see little bits of
+oneself on paper, and the less garnished and franker the truths the
+more entertaining it is.
+
+[Illustration: "The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred
+yards short of the steamer and had then dived under her."]
+
+[Illustration: "We were put down by a trawler at dawn."]
+
+[Illustration: A moment later there was a severe jar; we had struck
+the bottom]
+
+The hours here are so long and boring at times that I feel I want to
+talk intimately with someone. Failing Zoe I turn to my notebooks.
+
+The first steamer we sighted raised high hopes, at least her smoke did,
+for we saw enough smoke on the horizon to make us think we were to see
+the Grand Fleet, and we promptly dived. We cruised towards her for
+about half an hour, and then hung about where we were, as we found that
+her course would take the ship close to us.
+
+As the situation developed, Alten, who was up in the conning tower at
+the "A" periscope, gave us a certain amount of information, and we
+gathered that all this smoke was pouring out of the pipe-stem tunnel of
+a wretched little English tramp.
+
+I found it most irritating, standing in the control room (my action
+station) and not knowing what was going on.
+
+There is only one good job in a submarine and that is the Captain's. He
+knows and decides everything. The rest of us are in his hands and take
+things on trust. I object on principle to my life being held in Alten's
+hands. It is all very well for the crew, for, to start with, they have
+no imagination, and to most of them their mental horizon stops at the
+walls of the boat. Secondly, they have the consolation of mechanical
+activities; they make and break switches and open and close
+valves--they work with their hands. An officer has imagination, and
+only works with his head.
+
+As we attacked the steamer, all one heard was murmurs from Alten, such
+as: "Raise!" "Lower!" "Take her down to ten metres!" "Half speed!"
+"Slow!" "Bring her up to five metres!" "Raise!" "Lower!"
+
+I endeavoured to simulate an air of unconcern which I was far from
+feeling.
+
+Not that I was a prey to physical fear; I flatter myself it is so far
+unknown to me, and there was no great danger, but simply that I longed
+to know what was happening. At length I heard the welcome order:
+
+"Starboard tube. Stand by!"
+
+Which was followed almost immediately by the order: "Fire!"
+
+There was a kind of coughing grunt, and the starboard torpedo proceeded
+on its errand of destruction.
+
+Every ear was strained for the sound of the explosion, but all we were
+vouchsafed was a torrent of blasphemy from Alten.
+
+The torpedo had jumped clean out of the water a hundred yards short of
+the steamer, and had then evidently dived under the ship; so I gathered
+later when Alten had calmed down somewhat. We were about to surface and
+give her the gun, when luckily Alten took a good sweep round with the
+skyscraper and discovered one of those wretched little airships about a
+mile away, coming towards the steamer, which was wailing piteously, on
+her syren.
+
+As the chart showed forty metres we decided to bottom and have lunch.
+
+Over lunch we discussed the misadventure. Alten was loud in his curses
+of Tanzerman (the torpedo lieutenant at Bruges), from whom he had got
+the torpedo in guaranteed good condition only forty-eight hours before
+we sailed. He launched forth into a tirade against the torpedo staff at
+Bruges, and, warming to his subject, he roundly abused the whole of the
+depot personnel, whom he stigmatized as a set of hard-drinking,
+shore-loafing ruffians, who were incapable of realizing that they
+existed for the benefit of the boats' personnel and "material."
+
+I naturally disagreed, and did so the more readily that I
+conscientiously disagree with him. I find that there is a tendency on
+the part of some of these submarine officers, who have been U-boating a
+long time, to get into narrow grooves. Most reserve officers are not
+like this, as they have only been in during the war. Alten is an
+exception; he left the Hamburg-Amerika on two years' half pay in 1912,
+and was, of course, kept on in 1914. After all, the depot staff are
+Germans, and as such labour for the Fatherland, and though their work
+in office and workship is not so dangerous as ours, on the other hand
+they have not got the stimulation before their eyes, of glory to be
+gained. Personally I am of the opinion that the torpedo broke surface
+because, being fired from the outside tubes, it probably started too
+shallow, dived deep, recovered shallow and dived deep, broke surface
+and dived very deep. A sticky motor or sluggish weight would give this
+effect.
+
+And are these external tubes water-tight? Theoretically, yes, but what
+of practice? We have been down to forty metres several times during
+this trip, and not once have we had a chance on the surface of getting
+at the two external tubes; add to which our depth gear, with the pivots
+of the weight exposed to water if the tube does flood and then you have
+rust, corrosion and heaven knows what complications.
+
+I saw a British Mark 11.50 torpedo at the torpedo shop at Bruges the
+other day, and I was much struck with their deep depth gear, which is
+of the unrestrained Uhlan type, i.e., weight and valve interdependent.
+But then the main feature is that the whole gear is contained in a
+separate water-tight chamber.
+
+Our system is certainly a great saving in space, and is much neater in
+design, whilst I prefer the Uhlan principle of valve conjuncting with
+weight, but it would be interesting to know whether the British have
+much trouble with the depth-keeping of their torpedo.
+
+I have written quite a disquisition on depth gears; I must get on with
+my record of events.
+
+After lunch we had a good look round, but the small airship was still
+hanging about, flying slowly in large circles.
+
+We were rather surprised to meet one of these despicable little
+sausages or "Zeppelin's Spawn," as the navigator calls them, so far
+from land, and at dark we surfaced and proceeded on one engine on an
+easterly course, charging the battery right up with the other engine.
+
+Dawn revealed a blank horizon, not a vestige of mast, funnel or smoke
+in sight.
+
+We ambled along in fine though cold weather, and I took advantage of
+the peacefulness of everything to do a really good series of Mueller on
+the upper deck, stripped to the waist, and allowed the keen air to play
+its invigorating currents on my torso.
+
+Alten silently watched me from the conning tower, with a sneering
+expression on his face. The navigator, who is quite a decent youngster,
+though of no family, was, I could plainly see, struck by my
+development, and asked to be initiated into the series of exercises. I
+agreed willingly enough to show them to him. I will confess I wish Zoe
+could have seen me as I perspired with healthy exercise.
+
+At about 11 a.m. a couple of masts, then two more, then another,
+appeared above the horizon. The visibility was extreme, so we at once
+dived and proceeded at full speed, ten metres.
+
+We had been going thus for perhaps half an hour when Alten remarked
+that he would have another look at the convoy. We eased speed, came up
+to six metres, and Alten proceeded up into the conning tower to use "A"
+periscope.
+
+He had hardly applied his eye to the lens when he sharply ordered the
+boat to ten metres, accompanying this order with another to the motor
+room demanding utmost speed (_Ausserste Kraft_). I went up to the
+conning tower and found him white with excitement.
+
+"Look!" he exclaimed, pointing to the periscope, entirely forgetful of
+the fact that we were at ten metres. I looked, and of course saw
+nothing; furious at the trick I considered he had played on me I turned
+on him, to be disarmed by his apology.
+
+"Sorry! I forgot! The whole British battle cruiser force is there."
+
+It was now my turn to be excited, and I rushed down to the motor room
+determined to give her every amp she would take. The port foremost
+motor was sparking like the devil, rings of cursed sparks shooting
+round the commutator, but this was no time for ceremony. I relentlessly
+ordered the field current to be still further reduced.
+
+We were actually running with an F.C. of 3.75 amps, [1] for a period,
+when the sparking assumed the appearance of a ring of fire and, fearing
+a commutator strip would melt, I ordered an F.C. of five amps.
+
+[Footnote 1: The lower the field current the faster the motor goes.
+3.75 is almost incredibly low for a motor of this type--at least
+according to British practice.--ETIENNE.]
+
+We thus passed a quarter of an hour full of strain, the tension of
+which was reflected in the attitude of all the men. Alten had announced
+his intention of using the stern torpedo tube after his failure in the
+morning, and the crew of this tube were crouched at their stations like
+a gun's crew in the last few seconds preparatory to opening fire. The
+switchboard attendants gripped the regulating rheostatts as if by their
+personal efforts they could urge the boat on faster. Old Schmitt, at
+the helm, never lifted his eyes from the compass repeater.
+
+At length: "Slow both!" "Bring her to six metres!" came from the
+conning tower, to which place I proceeded to hear the news.
+
+Slowly the periscope was raised and I held my breath; a groan came from
+Alten and he turned away. For a fraction of a second I was almost
+pleased at his obvious pain, then, sick with disappointment, I took his
+place.
+
+Yes! it was all over. There they were, and with hungry eyes and
+depressed heart I saw five great battle cruisers, of which I recognized
+the _Tiger_ with her three great funnels, the _Princess Royal_, _Lion_
+and two others, zigzagging along at 25 knots, at a distance of 12,000
+metres, across our bow.
+
+They were surrounded by a numerous screen of destroyers and light
+cruisers, the former at that range through the periscope appearing as
+black smudges.
+
+It is not often one is permitted such a spectacle in modern war, and I
+could not tear myself away from the sight of those great brutes, whom I
+had fought when in the _Derflingger_ at Dogger Bank and again when in
+the _Koenig_ at Jutland. So near and yet so far, and as they rapidly
+drew away so did all the visions of an Iron Cross. As soon as they were
+out of sight, we surfaced in order to report what we had seen to
+Zeebrugge and Heligoland.
+
+Everything seemed against us. I had gone on the bridge with the
+navigator; Alten, with a face as black as hell, had gone to the
+wardroom. About ten minutes elapsed when I heard a fearful altercation
+going on below. I stepped down to find the young wireless operator
+trembling in front of Alten, who was overwhelming him with a flood of
+abuse. As I reached the wardroom, Alten shook his fist in the man's
+face and bellowed:
+
+"Make the d---- thing work, I tell you."
+
+"Impossible, Captain, the main condenser----" the man began.
+
+Purple with rage, Alten seized a heavy pair of parallel rulers, and
+before I could check him hurled them full in the operator's face.
+Bleeding copiously, the youth fell to the deck in a stunned condition.
+
+It was then, for the first time, that I noticed a half-empty bottle of
+spirits on the table, which colossal quantity he must have consumed in
+about a quarter of an hour.
+
+Turning to me, this semi-madman pointed to the wireless operator with
+his foot and growled:
+
+"Have him removed."
+
+This I did, and then, lowering the periscope, I ordered the boat to
+fifteen metres. We proceeded at this depth until 8 p.m., when I was
+informed that the Captain was in his bunk and wished to see me.
+
+I discovered him with his face to the ship's side, and upon my
+reporting myself he ordered me, firstly to throw that blasted bottle
+overboard (an unnecessary proceeding, as it was empty), and secondly to
+surface and shape course for Zeebrugge.
+
+At midnight he relieved me, apparently perfectly normal.
+
+The wireless operator has been laid up all day and has a nasty cut on
+the head. The navigator, a great scandal-monger, has heard from the
+engineer that Alten was speaking to him alone this morning, and the
+engineer believes that Alten has given him five hundred marks to say he
+fell down a hatch.
+
+Hooray! Blankenberg buoy has just been reported in sight! Soon I shall
+see my Zoe!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+With what high hopes did I write the last few lines a few hours ago,
+and how they were dashed to the ground, for on going into the Mess at
+Bruges I found amongst my letters a note from her, which was terrible
+in its brevity. She simply said:
+
+
+"DEAR KARL,
+
+"I am going away for some days, and as I shall be travelling it is no
+good giving you an address. To our next meeting!
+
+"ZOE."
+
+
+How horribly vague; not an indication of her destination, her object,
+or the probable length of her absence. Of course I rushed round to the
+flat, but found the place shut up. The porter told me she had gone away
+with her maid. He couldn't say when she'd be back--if at all! I gave
+him ten marks, and he said she might be away a fortnight. If I'd given
+him twenty he'd have said a week; he obviously didn't know.
+
+I feel I could do anything to-night; any mad, evil thing would appeal
+to me.
+
+There is a most fearful uproar coming from the guest-room, where a
+large and rowdy party are entertaining the chorus of a travelling
+_revue_ company. I saw them when they arrived, horribly common-looking
+women, with legs like mine tubes.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Another day and still no news; I don't know how I shall stick it. She
+might have had the softness of heart to write to me. She knows my
+address.
+
+This evening a letter from the little mother, who asks whether I can
+find time to go to Frankfurt when I have leave; at the end of the
+letter she mentions that Rosa has joined the Women's Voluntary
+Auxiliary Corps of Army Nurses. I suppose she thought she'd like her
+photograph taken in some fancy uniform as "Rosa Freinland, one of our
+Frankfurt beauties, now on war work!" Holding the patient's hand is
+about the only work she intends doing.
+
+Women as a class are the same the world over. We are well supplied with
+English papers in the Mess here; they come regularly from Amsterdam,
+and in their pages I see, just as in ours, pictures of the Countess
+this and the Lord that, photographed in becoming attitudes doing war
+work. It seems agricultural pursuits are the fashion in England at
+present--wait till our U-boat war gets its knife well into their fat
+guts, it will be more than fashionable to work in the fields then.
+
+The British Empire is undeniably a great creation, or rather not so
+much a creation as a thing arrived at accidentally, but it lacks
+solidarity. It sprawls, a confused mass of races and creeds, around the
+world. Its very immensity lays it open to attack, it has a dozen
+Achilles heels from Ireland to Egypt and South Africa to India.
+
+I met a man only yesterday who was recently at the propaganda
+department of the Foreign Office, and without going into details he
+gave me a very good idea of the good work that is going on in Britain's
+canker spots.
+
+Ireland is considered particularly promising to those in the know.
+
+Now for an agitated night! To think that a girl should disturb me so!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Two days have passed, or, rather, dragged their interminable lengths
+away, for there is still not a vestige of news. I have been twice to
+the flat with no result, except to receive a piece of impertinence from
+the porter the last time I was there.
+
+No news.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Still no news, and we sail in forty-eight hours.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea, off the Isle of Wight_.
+
+
+It is some days since I turned for solace and enjoyment, amidst the
+discomforts of this life, to my pen and notebook.
+
+What strange tricks fate plays with us, and how lucky it is that one
+cannot foresee the future.
+
+Here I am in U.39--but I must start at the beginning. My last entry was
+the depressing one of still no news. Well, I have had news, but it was
+like a drop of water in the mouth of a parched-up man. Another
+agonizing twenty-four hours passed, and I was sitting in my room about
+ten o'clock, trying to resign myself to the idea that the next night I
+should be starting out for my third trip without news of her, when the
+telephone bell rang. I lifted the receiver and to my amazed joy heard a
+voice that I could have recognized in a thousand. It was Zoe!
+
+I was quite incapable of any remark, and my confusion was further
+increased when, after a few "Hello's," which I idiotically repeated,
+her clear, level tones said: "Is that you, Karl? How are you?" How was
+I? What a question to ask! I wanted to tell her that I was bubbling
+with joy, that a thousand-kilogramme load had been lifted from my
+chest, that my blood was coursing through my veins, that I, usually so
+cool, was trembling with excitement, that I could have kissed the
+mouthpiece of the humble instrument that linked us together. Yet I was
+quite incapable of answering her simple question! I can't imagine what
+I expected her to say, for upon reflection her remark was a very
+ordinary one, and indeed under the circumstances quite natural, but, as
+I say, in actual fact I was tongue-tied.
+
+I suppose I must have said something, for I next remember her saying:
+"Well, you might ask how I am;" and to my horror I realized that she
+thought I was being rude!
+
+My abject apologies were cut short by her tantalizing laugh, and I
+understood that the adorable one was teasing me. When at length I made
+myself believe that I really was talking to this most elusive and
+delightful woman I wasted no time in suggesting that, late though it
+was, I might be permitted to go round and see her. She would not permit
+this, as she said it would create grave scandal, and the Colonel might
+hear about it upon his return. I pleaded hard and urged my departure in
+twenty-four hours.
+
+She was firm and reproved me for discussing movements over the
+telephone. She was right; I was a fool to do so; but Zoe destroys all
+my caution. However, she said that I might lunch with her next day, and
+that she had some new music to play to me. I ventured to ask where she
+had been, but this question was plainly unpleasing to my lady, so I
+dropped the subject. I blew her a goodnight kiss over the telephone, to
+which I think I caught an answer, and then she rang off.
+
+Ten minutes had not elapsed, when a messenger entered and informed me
+that I was wanted at the Commodore's office at once.
+
+A strange feeling of uneasiness and that of impending misfortune
+overcame me. I felt like a naughty school-boy about to interview the
+headmaster.
+
+I followed the messenger into the Commodore's office, and found myself
+alone with the great man. He was seated at a huge roll-top desk, which
+was the only article of furniture in a room which was to all intents
+and purposes papered with large scale charts of the east and south
+coasts of England and of the Channel and North Sea.
+
+The Commodore was sealing an envelope as I came in; he looked up and
+saw me, then, without taking any further notice of me, he resumed his
+business with the envelope. I felt that I was in the presence of a
+personality, and I was, for "Old Man Max" is one of the ten men who
+count in the Naval Administration. He had a reading lamp on his desk,
+and I remember noticing that the light shining through its green shade
+imparted a yellow parchment-like effect to the top of his old bald
+head. With dainty care he finished sealing the envelope, then, picking
+up a telephone transmitter, he snapped "Admiralty!" In about a minute
+he was connected, and to my astonishment I realized that he was talking
+to the duty captain of the operations department in Berlin.
+
+His words chilled my heart, for he said: "Commodore speaking! U.39
+sails at 2 a.m. for operation F.Q.H.--Repeat."
+
+His words were apparently repeated to his satisfaction, for while I was
+vainly endeavouring to convince myself that I was unconnected with the
+sailing of U.39, he banged the receiver into place (Old Man Max does
+everything in bangs) and snapped at me.
+
+"You Lieutenant Von Schenk?"
+
+I admitted I was, and then heard this disgusting news.
+
+"Kranz, 1st Lieutenant U.39, reported suddenly ill, Zeebrugge,
+poisoning--you relieve him. Ship sails in one hour forty minutes from
+now--my car leaves here in forty minutes and takes you to Zeebrugge.
+Here are operation orders--inform Von Weissman he acknowledges receipt
+direct to me on 'phone. That's all."
+
+He handed me the envelope and I suppose I walked outside--at least I
+found myself in the corridor turning the confounded envelope round and
+round. For one mad moment I felt like rushing in and saying: "But, sir,
+you don't understand I'm lunching with Zoe to-morrow!"
+
+Then the mental picture which this idea conjured up made me shake with
+suppressed laughter and I remembered that war was war and that I had
+only thirty-five minutes in which to collect such gear as I had
+handy--most of my sea things being in U.C.47--and say goodbye to Zoe.
+
+I ran to my room and made the corridors echo with shouts for my
+faithful Adolf. The excellent man was soon on the scene, and whilst he
+stuffed underclothing, towels and other necessary gear into a bag he
+had purloined from someone's room, I rang up Zoe. I wasted ten minutes
+getting through, but at last I heard a deliciously sleepy voice murmur,
+"Who's that?"
+
+I told her, and added that I was off; to my secret joy, an intensely
+disappointed and long-drawn "Oooh!" came over the wire. So she does
+care a bit, I thought. Mad ideas of pretending to be suddenly ill
+crossed my mind--anything to gain twenty-four hours--but the Fatherland
+is above all such considerations, and after some pleasant talk and many
+wishes of good luck from the darling girl, with a heavy heart I bade
+her good-night.
+
+The Old Man's car, which is a sixty horse-power Benz, was waiting at
+the Mess entrance, and once clear of the sentries we raced down the
+flat, well-metalled road to Zeebrugge in a very short time. The guard
+at Bruges barrier had 'phoned us through to the Zeebrugge fortified
+zone, and we were admitted without delay. In three-quarters of an hour
+from my interview with old Max I was scrambling across a row of U-boats
+to reach my new ship, U.39.
+
+I went down the after hatch, reported myself to Von Weissman and
+delivered his orders to him, of which he acknowledged receipt direct to
+the Commodore according to instructions. Von Weissman is a very
+different stamp of man to Alten; of medium height, he has
+sandy-coloured hair, steel-grey eyes and a protruding jaw. He is what
+he looks, a fine North Prussian, and is, of course, of excellent
+family, as the Weissmans have been settled in Grinetz for a long
+period.
+
+He struck me as being about thirty years of age, and on his heart he
+wore the Cross of the second class. I have heard of him before as being
+well in the running towards an _ordre pour le merite_.
+
+An interesting chart is hanging in the wardroom, on which is marked the
+last resting-place of every ship he has sunk. He puts a coloured dot,
+the tint of which varies with the tonnage, black up to 2,000, blue from
+2,000-5,000, brown 5,000-8,000, green 8,000-11,000, and a red spot with
+the ship's name for anything over 11,000. He has got about 120,000 tons
+at present. He opposes the Arnauld de la Perriere school of thought,
+which pins faith on the gun, and Weissman has done nearly all his work
+with the good old torpedo.
+
+Altogether, undoubtedly a man to serve with.
+
+The U.39 was in that buzzing and semi-active condition which to a
+trained eye is a sure indication that the ship is about to sail.
+Punctually at five minutes to 2 a.m. Weissman went to the bridge, and
+at 2 a.m. the wires were slipped and we started on a ten days' trip. As
+the dim lights on the mole disappeared and the ceaseless fountain of
+star-shells, mingling with the flashing of guns, rose inland on our
+port beam my mind travelled overland to the flat at Bruges, and I
+wondered whether Zoe was lying awake listening to the ceaseless rumble
+of the Flanders cannon. We went on at full speed, as it was our
+intention to pass the Dover Straits before dawn. Though our
+intelligence bureau issues the most alarming reports as to the
+frightfulness of the defences here I was agreeably surprised at the
+ease with which we passed. Von Weissman, to whom I had hinted that we
+might find the passage tricky, rather laughed at my suggestion, and
+described to me his method, which, at all events, has the merit of
+simplicity.
+
+He always goes through with the tide, so as to take as short a time as
+possible, and he always decides on a course and steers it as closely as
+possible, keeping to the surface unless he sights anything, and diving
+as soon as anything shows up. Even if he dives he goes on as fast as
+possible on his course, irrespective of whether he is being bombed or
+not.
+
+I must say it worked very well last night. We shaped a course to pass
+five miles west of Gris Nez, and when that light, which for some reason
+the French had commodiously lit that night, was abeam, we sighted a
+black object, probably a trawler or destroyer, about half a dozen miles
+away right ahead. Weissman immediately dived and, without deviating a
+degree from his course, held on at three-quarters speed on the motors.
+Some time later the hydrophone watchkeeper reported the sound of
+propellers in his listeners, and that he judged them to be close at
+hand, so I imagine we passed very nearly directly underneath whatever
+it was.
+
+After an hour's submerging we rose, and found dawn breaking over a
+leaden and choppy sea. Nothing being in sight, we continued on the
+surface for an hour, charging batteries with the starboard engine (500
+amps on each), but at 9 a.m., the clouds lying low and an aerial patrol
+being frequent hereabouts, we dived and cruised steadily down channel
+at slow speed, keeping periscope depth.
+
+Several times in the course of the forenoon we sighted small destroyers
+and convoy craft [1] in the distance, all steering westerly. They were
+probably returning from escorting troopships over to France last night.
+In every case we went to sixty feet long before they could have seen
+our "stick." [2] Weissman is evidently as cautious in this matter as he
+is hardy in others; the more I see of him the more I like him; he is a
+man of breeding, and it is of value to serve in this boat.
+
+[Footnote 1: Probably "P" boats.--ETIENNE.]
+
+[Footnote 2: Periscope.--ETIENNE.]
+
+As I write we are on the surface about ten miles east of the Isle of
+Wight, still steering down channel. To-night at midnight we report our
+position to Zeebrugge, up till now we have maintained wireless silence
+for fear of the British and French directional stations picking up our
+signals and fixing our position.
+
+After supper this evening Von Weissman explained to me the general plan
+of our operations for the next eight days. Our cruising billet is about
+150 miles south-west of the Scillys, at the focal point where trade for
+Liverpool and Bristol and the up-channel trade diverges. Von Weissman
+says that this is a plum billet and we should do well.
+
+I feel this is going to be better than those piffling little
+mine-laying trips, and though we shall be away ten days, it will
+qualify me for four days' leave in Belgium.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There was nearly an awkward moment last night, or, rather, there was an
+awkward moment, and nearly an awkward accident. I relieved the
+navigator at midnight (the pilot is an unassuming individual called
+Siegel) and took on the middle watch. It was blowing about force 4 from
+the south-west, and a nasty short, lumpy sea was running which caught
+us just on the port bow. About once every ten seconds she missed her
+step with the waves and, dipping her nose into it, shovelled up tons of
+water, which, as the bow lifted, raced aft and, breaking against the
+gun, flung itself in clouds of spray against the bridge. In a very few
+minutes every exposed portion of me was streaming with water.
+
+At about 2 a.m. I had turned my back to the sea for a moment, and my
+thoughts were for an instant in Bruges, when, on facing forward once
+again I saw a sight which effectually brought me back to earth.
+
+This was the spectacle of two black shapes, evidently steamers, one on
+either bow, distant, I should estimate, 600 or 700 metres. I had to
+make a quick decision, and I decided that to fire a torpedo in that sea
+with any hope of a hit, especially with the boat on surface, was
+useless; furthermore, that at any moment either of the steamers might
+sight us from their high bridge and turn and ram.
+
+These thoughts were the work of an instant, and I at once rang the
+diving bell, and, pushing the look-out before me, in five seconds I was
+in the conning tower and had the hatch down. I at once proceeded down
+into the boat, and the first thing that struck my eye was the diving
+gauge with the needle practically stationary at two metres.
+
+The boat was not going down properly! and for an instant I was rudely
+shaken, until a cool voice from the wardroom remarked, "Helm hard
+a-port," an order that was instantly obeyed, and as she began to turn
+the moving needle on the depth gauge began its journey round the dial.
+It was the Captain who had spoken. As soon as he heard the diving alarm
+he was out of his bunk, and a glance at the gauge he has fitted in the
+wardroom told him we were not sinking rapidly. In an instant he had put
+his finger on the trouble, which was that we were almost head on to the
+sea, with the result that he had given the order as stated above,
+which, bringing us beam on to the sea, had caused her to dive with
+ease. He is efficiency itself!
+
+As I explained to him what had happened, the noise of propellers at
+varying distances from us overhead led him to state his belief that we
+had run into a convoy homeward bound to Southampton from the Atlantic.
+
+He approved of my actions in every particular, save only in my omission
+to bring the boat away from the sea as I began to dive.
+
+This morning we are beginning to get the full force of what is
+evidently going to be a south-westerly gale of some violence. The seas
+are getting larger as we debouch into the Atlantic. This looks bad for
+business.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At the moment we are practically hove to on the surface, with the port
+engine just jogging to keep her head on to sea and the starboard
+ticking round to give her a long, slow charge of 200 amps.
+
+The wind is force 7-8 and a very big sea is running which makes it
+entirely impossible to open the conning tower hatch; the engine is
+getting its air through the special mushroom ventilator, which is
+apparently not designed to supply both the boat's requirements and
+those of the engine; the whole ventilator gets covered with sea every
+now and then, during which period until the baffle drains get the water
+away no air can get in, so the engine has a good suck at the air in the
+boat, the result of all this being a slight vacuum in the boat. It is a
+very unpleasant sensation, and made me very sick. This is really a form
+of sickness due to the rarefied air.
+
+I had a great surprise when I looked at the barograph this morning as
+the needle had gone right off the paper at the bottom, and at first
+glance I thought we had struck a tropical depression of the first
+magnitude, which, flouting all the laws of meteorology, had somehow
+found its way to the English Channel; but the engineer explained to me
+that, as I have already stated, the low atmospheric pressure in the
+boat was due to the conning-tower hatch being shut down.
+
+[Illustration: "As the dim lights on the mole disappeared, the
+ceaseless fountain of starshells mingling with the flashing of guns,
+rose inland on our port beam."]
+
+[Illustration: "We hit her aft for the second time."]
+
+I have discovered that Von Weissman is a martyr to sea-sickness--all
+day he has been lying down as white as a sheet and subsisting on milk
+tablets and sips of brandy; yet such is the man's inflexibility of will
+that he forces himself to make a tour of inspection right round the
+boat every six hours, night and day. It is this will to conquer which
+has made Germans unconquerable, though "Come the four corners of the
+world in arms" against us, as the great poet says.
+
+We are, of course, keeping watch from inside the conning tower; it is,
+at all events, dry, but as to seeing anything one might as well be
+looking out through a small glass window from inside a breakwater! To
+bed till 4 a.m.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A most unprofitable day. I grudge every day away from Zoe on which we
+do nothing. This morning about noon the gale blew itself out, but a
+heavy confused sea continued to run.
+
+At 2 p.m. we saw a most tantalizing spectacle. A big tank steamer,
+fully 600 feet long and of probably 17,000 tons burthen hove in sight,
+escorted by two destroyers. To attack with the gun was impossible, as
+we could only keep the conning tower open when stern to sea, and in any
+case the two destroyers prevented any surface work. We tried to get in
+for an attack, but we had not seen her in time, and the best we could
+do was to get within 3,000 yards, at which range it would have been
+absurd to have wasted a torpedo, the chances of hitting being 100 to 1
+against, even if the torpedo had run properly in the sea that was on.
+
+I had a good look at her through the foremost periscope in between the
+waves, and it maddened me to see all that oil, doubtless from Tampico
+for the Grand Fleet, going safely by. The destroyers were having a bad
+time of it, crashing into the sea like porpoises, their funnels white
+with salt, and their bridges enveloped in sheets of water and spray.
+They little thought that, barely a mile away, amidst the tumbling,
+crested waves a German eye was watching them!
+
+There is no doubt these damned British have pluck, for it was the last
+sort of weather in which one would have expected to find destroyers at
+sea, and yet I suppose they do this throughout the winter.
+
+After all, one would expect them to be tough fellows--they are of
+Teutonic stock--though by their bearing one might imagine that the
+Creator made an Englishman and then Adam.
+
+Let's hope we get some decent weather to-morrow. I have just been
+refreshing my memory by reading of what I wrote in the book, concerning
+the day in the forest with the adorable girl. There is an exquisite
+pleasure in transporting the mind into such memories of the past when
+the body is in such surroundings as the present, if only I could will
+myself to dream of her!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A fine day in every sense of the word. The weather has been and remains
+excellent, and I have been present at my first sinking. It was absurdly
+commonplace. At 10 a.m. this morning a column of smoke crept upwards
+from the southern horizon.
+
+Von Weissman steered towards it on the surface until two masts and the
+top of a funnel appeared. We dived and proceeded slowly under water on
+a southerly course.
+
+Half an hour passed and Von Weissman brought the boat up to periscope
+depth and had a look. He called to me to come and see, an invitation I
+accepted with alacrity.
+
+With natural excitement I looked through the periscope and there she
+was, unconsciously ambling to her doom like a fat sheep.
+
+She was a steamer (British) of about 4,000 tons, slugging home at a
+steady ten knots, but she was destined to come to her last mooring
+place ahead of schedule time!
+
+We dipped our periscope and I went forward to the tubes. Five minutes
+elapsed and the order instrument bell rang, the pointer flicking to
+"Stand by." I personally removed the firing gear safety pin and put the
+repeat to "Ready." A breathless pause, then a slight shake and
+destruction was on its way, whilst I realized by the angle of the boat
+that Weissman was taking us down a few metres.
+
+That shows his coolness, he didn't even trouble to watch his shot.
+
+Anxiously I watch the second hand of my stop watch. Weissman had told
+me the range would be about 500 metres--30 seconds--31--32--33--has he
+missed?--34--35--3--A dull rumble comes through the water and the
+whole boat shakes. Hurra! we have hit, and the order "Surface" comes
+along the voice pipe.
+
+The cheerful voice of the blower is heard, evacuating the tanks; I run
+to the conning tower and closely follow Weissman up the ladder. At last
+I am on the bridge. There she is! What a sight!
+
+I feel that I shall never forget what she looked like, though, if all
+goes well, I shall see many another fine ship go to her grave.
+
+But she was my first; I felt the same sensation when, as a boy, I shot
+my first roe-deer in the Black Forest, one instant a living thing
+beautiful to perfection, the next my rifle spoke and a bleeding carcase
+lay beneath the fine trees. So with this ship. I am a sailor, and to
+every sailor every ship that floats has, as it were, a soul, a
+personality, an entity; to carry the analogy further, a merchant craft
+is like some fat beast of utility, an ox, a cow, or a sheep, whilst a
+warship is a lion if she is a battleship, a leopard if she is a light
+cruiser, etc.; in all cases worthy game.
+
+But War has little use for sentimentality! and in my usual wandering
+manner I see that I have meandered from the point and quite forgotten
+what she did look like.
+
+What I saw was this:
+
+I saw that the steamer had been hit forward on the starboard side. The
+upper portion of the stem piece was almost down to the water level, her
+foremost hold was obviously filling rapidly. Her stern was high out of
+water, the red ensign of England flapping impotently on the ensign
+staff. Her propeller, which was still slowly revolving, thrashed the
+water, and this heightened the impression that I was watching the
+struggles of a dying animal. The propeller was revolving in spasmodic
+jerks, due, I imagine, to the fast failing steam only forcing the
+cranks over their dead centres with an effort.
+
+A boat was being lowered with haste from the two davits abreast the
+funnel on one side, but when she was full of men and, due to the angle
+of the ship, well down by the bow, someone inboard let go the foremost
+fall or else it broke, for the bows of the boat fell downwards and half
+a dozen figures were projected in grotesque attitudes into the sea. For
+a few seconds the boat swung backwards and forwards, like a pendulum.
+
+When she came to rest, hanging vertically downwards from the stern, I
+noticed that a few men were still clinging like flies to her thwarts.
+Truly, anything is better than the Atlantic in winter. Meanwhile the
+ship had ceased to sink as far as outward signs went.
+
+I mentioned this to Von Weissman, who was at my side with a slight
+smile on his face, amused doubtless at the eagerness with which I
+watched every detail of this, to me, novel tragedy. He answered me that
+I need not worry, that she was being supported by an air lock somewhere
+forward, that the water was slowly creeping into her and her boilers
+would probably soon go.
+
+This remarkable man was absolutely correct.
+
+There was an interval of about five minutes, during which another boat,
+evidently successfully lowered from the other side, came round her
+stern, picked up one or two men from the water and also collected the
+survivors in the hanging boat; then the steamer suddenly sank another
+two feet, there was a dull rumbling, as of heavy machinery falling from
+a height, a muffled report, a cloud of steam and smoke, a sucking noise
+and then a pool in the water, in the middle of which odd bits of wood
+and other buoyant debris kept on bobbing up. Nothing else!
+
+No! I am wrong, there were two other things: a U-boat, representing the
+might of Germany, and a whaler with perhaps twenty men in it,
+representing the plight of England!
+
+As she went I felt hushed and solemn, it was an impressive moment; a
+slight chuckle came from imperturbable Weissman; he had seen too many
+go to think much of it, and he gave an order for the helm to be put
+over, so that we might approach the whaler.
+
+They were horribly overcrowded, and were engaged in trying to sort
+themselves into some sort of order. We passed by them at 50 yards and
+Weissman, seizing his megaphone, shouted in English: "Goodbye! steer
+west for America!" A cold horror gripped my heart. It was an awful
+moment. I dare not write the thoughts that entered my head.
+
+I turned away my head and faced aft, that he should not see my face;
+looking back I saw the whaler rocking dangerously in our wash, and then
+a commotion took place in her stern, from which a huge bearded man
+arose and, shaking his fist in our direction, shouted something or
+other before his companions pulled him down.
+
+Von Weissman heard and his lips narrowed in. I held my breath in
+suspense, but he evidently decided against what he had been about to
+do, for with the order, "Course north! ten knots," he went below.
+
+I remained on deck watching the rapidly receding whaler through my
+glasses until she was a mere speck--alone on the ocean, 150 miles from
+land, Then the navigator came up, and with strangely mixed feelings of
+exultant joy and depressing sorrow I went below.
+
+Von Weissman was in the wardroom. I watched him unobserved. He was
+humming a tune to himself and had just completed putting a green dot on
+the chart. This done he lay back on the settee and closed his
+eyes--strange, insoluble man!
+
+For long hours I could not forget that whaler; I see it now as I write.
+I suppose I shall get used to it all. What would Zoe say?
+
+The most wonderful thing about man is that he can stand the strain of
+his own invention of modern war!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am rather tired to-night, but must just jot down briefly what has
+taken place to-day, as there is never any time in the daylight hours.
+
+Soon after dawn, at about 8 a.m., we sighted a fair-sized steamer of
+about 3,000 tons, which we sunk, but I cannot say what she looked like,
+or whether anyone escaped, as we never came to the surface at all, Von
+Weissman sighting smoke on the western horizon just as he hit her. We
+accordingly steered in that direction. However, I think she went almost
+at once as Von Weissman put a dot (black) on the chart as we made
+towards number 3.
+
+I very much wanted to know whether there were any survivors, but I did
+not like to ask him at the time and he has been in such an infernal
+temper ever since that I haven't had a suitable opportunity.
+
+The cause of his rage was as follows:
+
+Steamer number 3 turned out to be a fine fat chap (of the Clan Line,
+Von Weissman said, when we first sighted her). We moved in to attack
+and fired our port bow tube. I waited in vain by the tubes for the
+expected explosion--nothing happened, but after a couple of minutes a
+snarl came down the voice pipe: "Surface, GUN ACTION STATIONS!"
+
+I ran aft, and found the Captain white with rage.
+
+"Missed ahead!" he said, with intense feeling, "I'll have to use that
+confounded gun."
+
+In about three minutes the Captain and myself were on the bridge and
+the crew were at their stations round the gun.
+
+For the first time I saw the ship; she was stern on and apparently
+painted with black and white stripes. As I examined her through
+glasses--she was distant about 3,000 yards--I saw a flash aboard her
+and a few seconds later a projectile moaned overhead and fell about
+6,000 yards over. So she is armed, thought I, and she has actually
+opened fire on us first.
+
+The effect of this unexpected retort on the part of the Englishman was
+to throw Weissman into a paroxysm of rage.
+
+"Why don't you fire? What the devil are you waiting for?" etc., etc.,
+were some of the remarks he flung at the gun crew.
+
+I did not consider it advisable to mention to him that they were
+probably waiting his order to fire, and also his orders for range and
+deflection, as I had imagined that, here as everywhere else, an officer
+controls the gun-fire. Apparently in this boat it is not so, as
+Weissman takes so little interest in his gun that he affects to be, or
+else actually is, ignorant of the elements of gun control.
+
+At any rate, under the lash of his tongue, the gun's crew soon got into
+action, the gun-layer taking charge. Our first shot was short, very
+considerably so, as was also the second. Meanwhile the steamer had been
+keeping up a very creditably controlled rate of fire, straddling us
+twice, but missing for deflection, as was natural considering that we
+were bows on to her.
+
+I felt thoroughly in my element listening to the significant wail of
+the enemy's shell, punctuated by the ear-splitting report of our own
+gun. Weissman, gripping the rail with both hands, and to my surprise
+ducking when one went overhead, watched the target with a fixed
+expression, but made no attempt to control our gun-fire, which was far
+from creditable, as is inevitable when it is left to the mercy of the
+inferior intellect of a seaman.
+
+However, at the tenth or eleventh round we hit her in the upper works,
+as was shown by a bright red and yellow flash near her funnel. This did
+not check her firing or speed in the least, in fact she seemed to be
+gaining on us. She also began to zigzag slightly and throw smoke bombs
+overboard, which were not so effective from her point of view as I had
+thought they would be.
+
+Matters were thus for some minutes. We had just hit her aft for the
+second time, though the shooting was so disgustingly bad that I was
+about to ask whether I might do the duties of control officer, when
+there was a blinding flash and the air seemed filled with moaning
+fragments. When I had recovered from my relief from finding that I was
+personally uninjured, I observed that two of the gun's crew were
+wounded and one was lying, either killed or seriously wounded, on the
+casing. We had been hit in the casing, well forward, and, as was
+subsequently proved when we dived, little material damage was caused to
+the boat.
+
+This enemy success caused a temporary cessation of fire. The two
+wounded men were cautiously making their way aft to the conning tower,
+and I called for a couple of stokers to come up and carry away the
+third, when Von Weissman suddenly gave the order to dive. The gun's
+crew at once made a rush for the conning tower, and were down the hatch
+in a trice, one of the wounded men fainting at the bottom.
+
+I was unaware as to the reason of this order to dive, and thought that
+perhaps the Captain had sighted a periscope. As I was turning to
+precede him down the conning tower hatch I distinctly saw the man lying
+by the gun lift his hand. I felt I could not leave him there, and
+instinctively cried, "He is still alive!" But Von Weissman, who was
+urging the crew to hurry down the hatch, pressed the diving alarm as
+soon as the last sailor was half in the hatch.
+
+I knew that this meant that the boat would be under in 30 to 40
+seconds, so I had no alternative but to get down the hatch as quickly
+as possible.
+
+I did so with reluctance, and I was followed by Von Weissman, who
+joined me in the upper conning tower.
+
+I forced myself not to look out of the conning tower scuttles during
+the few seconds that elapsed as the casing slowly went under, until at
+last nothing but waving green water showed at each little window. I
+feared that, if I had looked, I would have seen a wounded man, stung
+into activity by the cold touch of the Atlantic. Perhaps Von Weissman
+read my thoughts, or else he remembered my remark concerning the man,
+for he turned to me and in level tones said:
+
+"Have you any doubt that he was dead?"
+
+I hesitated a moment, and he continued:
+
+"By my direction you have no doubt. He _was_!"
+
+How brutal war is, and what a perfect exponent of the art the Captain
+proves himself to be! To me a life is a life, a particle of the thing
+divine; to him a life is a unit, and a half-maimed and probably dying
+seaman is as nothing in the scales when the safety of a U-boat is at
+stake. The seamen are numbered in their tens of thousands, the U-boats
+in their tens. The steamer had hit us once, luckily only in the casing,
+a second hit might well have punctured the pressure hull, and our fate
+in these waters would have been certain. Therefore, having summed these
+things up and balanced them in his mind, he dived and the sailor died.
+
+Once below water Von Weissman seemed more his imperturbable self, and
+unless I am mistaken he is never really happy on the surface, at least
+when in action. He is a true water mole.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A day full of interest, though once again I have had to force myself to
+absorb the horrors of War. I imagine that I am now going through the
+experiences of a new arrival on the Western Front, who feels a desire
+to shudder at the sight of every corpse.
+
+At 10 a.m. this morning we sighted the topsails of a sailing boat to
+the southwest. Closing her on the surface, we approached to within
+about 6,000 metres, when suddenly Von Weissman ordered "Gun Action
+Stations."
+
+The gun crew came tumbling up, but not quick enough to suit him, for as
+they were mustering at the gun he gave the order to dive, only,
+however, taking her down to periscope depth before instantly ordering
+surface and then "Gun Action Stations" again. This time we opened fire
+on the ship, which was a Norwegian barque and, being in the barred
+zone, liable to destruction.
+
+Von Weissman had announced overnight that at the first opportunity he
+would give "that ---- gun's crew a bellyful of practice," and he
+certainly did. As soon as the first shot was fired, she backed her
+topsails, and when our fourth shot struck her, somewhere near the foot
+of the foremast, her crew could be seen hastily abandoning their ship.
+
+This action on their part had no influence with Von Weissman, who had
+taken personal charge of the helm, and, with the engines running at
+three-quarter speed, he was zigzagging about, to make it harder for the
+gun's crew. Every now and then he flung a gibe at the crew, such as
+suggesting that they should go back to the High Seas Fleet and learn
+how to shoot.
+
+The sailing ship was soon on fire, for, considering the circumstances,
+the shooting was very fair, though had I been controlling it I could
+have confidently guaranteed better results. When she was blazing nicely
+fore and aft, Von Weissman ordered the practice to cease, and sent the
+crew below. He then ordered course south, speed ten knots, and I took
+over the watch.
+
+An hour and a half later, when the navigator gave me a spell, a black
+cloud on the northern horizon marked the funeral pyre of another of our
+victims. When I went below, the Captain had just finished playing with
+his precious old chart.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We received a message at 2 a.m. last night from Heligoland to return
+forthwith; it is now 2 a.m. and we are approaching the redoubtable
+Dover Barrage. We had no trouble coming up channel to-day, which seems
+singularly empty, at any rate in mid-channel, where we were.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We got back about three hours ago, and as I was appointed temporary to
+the boat, Von Weissman kindly allowed me to leave her and come up to
+Bruges as soon as we got into the shelters at Zeebrugge.
+
+I got up here just, in time for a late dinner. Hunger satisfied, I
+retired to my room and, needless to say, at once rang up my darling
+Zoe.
+
+By the mercy of providence she was in, but imagine my sensations when I
+heard that that accursed swine of a Colonel was also back from the
+front, and expected in at the flat at any moment, being then, she
+thought, engaged in his after dinner drinking bouts at the cavalry
+officers' club. I could only groan.
+
+A laugh at the other end stung me to furious rage, appeased in an
+instant by her soothing tones as she told me that I should be glad to
+hear that he was only up from the Somme on a four-days leave, and was
+returning next morning by the 8 a.m. troop train. Glad! I could have
+danced for joy. I breathed again.
+
+As the Colonel was expected back at any moment she thought it advisable
+to terminate the conversation, which was done with obvious reluctance
+on her part, or so I flatter myself.
+
+He goes to-morrow, so far so good, but what of the intervening period?
+
+Could any more refined torture be imagined than that I, who love her as
+I love my own soul, should have to sit here, whilst scarcely a mile
+away, probably at this very moment as I write, that gross brute is
+privileged to kiss her, to look at her, to--oh! it's unbearable. When I
+think of that hog, for though I've never seen him, I've seen his
+photograph, and I know instinctively that he _is_ gross, fresh, as she
+says, from a drinking bout, should at this moment be permitted to raise
+his pigs' eyes and look into those glorious wells of violet light; when
+I think that his is the privilege to see those masses of black hair
+fall in uncontrolled splendour, then I understand to the full the deep
+pleasures of murder.
+
+I would give anything to destroy this man, and could shake the
+Englishman by the hand who fires the delivering bullet!
+
+Steady! Steady! What do I write? No! I mean it, every word of it. Yet
+of all the mysteries, and to me Zoe is a mass of them, surely the
+strangest of all is contained in the question: Why does she live with
+him?
+
+She doesn't love him, she's practically told me so. In fact, I know she
+doesn't. Let me reason it out by logic. She lives with him, whether
+voluntarily or involuntarily. Suppose it be voluntarily, then her
+reasons must be (a) Love; (b) Fascination; (c) Some secret reason. If
+she is living with him involuntarily it must be: (d) He has a hold on
+her; (e) For financial reasons.
+
+I strike out at once (a) and (e), for in the case of (e) she knows well
+that I would provide for her, and (a) I refuse to admit, (b) is hardly
+credible--I eliminate that. I am left with (c) and (d) which might be
+the same thing. But what hold can he have on her; she can't have a
+past, she is too young and sweet for that.
+
+I must find out about this before I go to sea again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Three days ago, I was racking my brains for the solution of a problem,
+and, as I see from what I wrote, I was somewhat outside myself. In the
+interval things have taken an amazing turn. I am still bewildered--but
+I must put it all down from the beginning.
+
+The Colonel left as she said he would, and I went round to lunch with
+her.
+
+We had a delightful _tete-a-tete_, and after lunch she played the
+piano. I was feeling in splendid voice and she accompanied me to
+perfection in Tchaikowsky's "To the Forest," always a favourite of
+mine. As the last chords died away, Zoe jumped up from the piano and,
+with eyes dancing with excitement, placed her hands on my shoulders and
+exclaimed:
+
+"Karl! I have an idea! I shall make a prisoner of you for two or three
+days."
+
+I laughed heartily and almost told her that she had already made me a
+prisoner for life, only I can never get those sort of remarks out quick
+enough.
+
+But when she said, "No! I am not joking, I mean it," I felt there was
+more meaning in her sentence than I had at first thought. I begged to
+be enlightened, and she then unfolded her scheme.
+
+She told me for the first time, that in a forest not far from Bruges
+she had a little summer-house, to which she used to retreat for
+week-ends in the hot weather when the Colonel was away. He knew nothing
+of this country house (she was very insistent on that point), so I
+imagined she paid for it out of her dress allowance or in some other
+way. The idea that had just struck her was that she had a sudden fancy
+to go and spend two days there, and I was to go with her.
+
+I was ready to go to Africa with her if my leave permitted, and it so
+happened that I was due for four days' overseas leave (limited to
+Belgian territory) so that this fitted in very well, and I told her so.
+
+She was delighted, then, with one of those quick intuitions which women
+are so clever at, she read the half-formed thought in my mind, and
+said: "You mustn't think it's not going to be conventional; old Babette
+will be with us to chaperon me." Old Babette is an aged female whom she
+calls her maid. I think she is jealous of me.
+
+I agreed at once that of course I quite understood it was to be highly
+conventional, etc., though I smiled to myself as I visualized my
+mother's shocked face and uplifted hands had she heard my Zoe's ideas
+on the conventions.
+
+I was trying to fathom what was at the bottom of it all when she
+remarked: "Of course, as my prisoner you will have to obey all my
+orders."
+
+I replied that this was certainly so.
+
+"And one of the first things," she continued, "that happens to a
+prisoner when he goes through the enemy lines is that he is
+blindfolded, and in the same way I shan't let you know where you are
+going."
+
+Seeing a doubtful look in my eyes as I endeavoured to keep pace with
+the underlying idea, if any, of this truly feminine fancy, she suddenly
+came up to me and, lifting her eyes to mine, murmured: "Don't you trust
+me?"
+
+In a moment my passion flared up, and rained hot kisses on her face as
+she struggled to release herself from my arms.
+
+When I left that night after dinner, and, walking on air, returned to
+the Mess, it was arranged that I should be at her flat with my
+suit-case at 6 p.m. the next evening, prepared, to use her own words,
+"to disappear with me for 48 hours."
+
+She had told me of an address in Bruges which she said would forward on
+any telegram if I was recalled, and I had to be satisfied with that,
+for I may as well say here that I never discovered where I went to, and
+I don't know to this moment in what part of Belgium I spent the last
+two nights.
+
+I tried to find out at first, but as she obviously attached some
+importance to keeping the locality of her woodland retreat a secret,
+probably to circumvent the Colonel, I soon gave up trying to get the
+secret from her, and contented myself with taking things as they came.
+
+To go on with my account of what happened--which was really so
+remarkable that I propose writing it out in detail to the best of my
+memory--at 6 p.m. next day I was naturally at her flat feeling very
+much as if I was on the threshold of an adventure.
+
+Zoe was excited and the flat was in a turmoil, as apparently she had
+only just begun to pack her dressing-case.
+
+Soon after six we went down and got into a large Mercedes car which I
+had noticed standing outside when I arrived. We were soon on our way,
+and left Bruges by the Eastern barrier; we showed our passes and
+proceeded into the darkened country-side. We had been running for about
+a mile when she remarked, "Prisoners will now be blindfolded!" and, to
+my astonishment, slipped a little black silk bag over my head.
+
+I was so startled I didn't know whether to be angry, or to laugh, or
+what to do. Eventually I did nothing, and, entering into the spirit of
+the game, declared that even a wretched prisoner had the right not to
+be stifled, whereupon she lifted the lower portion of the bag and
+uncovered my mouth. Shortly afterwards I was electrified to feel a pair
+of soft lips meet mine, a sensation which was repeated at frequent
+intervals, and, as I whispered in her ear, under these conditions I was
+prepared to be taken prisoner into the jaws of hell.
+
+This pleasant journey had lasted for about three-quarters of an hour
+when my mask was removed and I was informed that I was "inside the
+enemy lines!" Through the windows of the car I could dimly see that an
+apparently endless mass of fir trees were rushing past on each side.
+This state of affairs continued for a kilometre or so, when we branched
+to the right and soon entered a large clearing in the forest, at one
+side of which stood the house. Babette, Zoe and myself entered the
+building, and the car disappeared, presumably back to Bruges.
+
+The house, built of logs, was of two stories; on the ground floor were
+two living rooms, and the domains of Babette, who amongst her other
+accomplishments turned out to be not only a most capable valet, but a
+first-class cook. On the second story there were two large rooms. The
+whole house was furnished after the manner of a hunting lodge, with
+stags' heads on the walls, and skins on the floors. In the drawing-room
+there was a piano and a few etchings of the wild boar by Schaffein.
+
+I dressed for dinner in my "smoking," though under ordinary
+circumstances I should have considered this rather formal, but I was
+glad I did, for she appeared in full evening _tenue_. She wore a violet
+gown, and across her forehead a black satin bandeau with a Z in
+diamonds upon it. It must have cost two thousand marks, and I wondered
+with a dull kind of jealousy whether the Colonel had given it to her.
+
+I cannot remember of what we talked during dinner. We have a hundred
+subjects in common, and we look at so many aspects of the world through
+the same pair of eyes; I only know that when I have been talking to her
+for a period--there is no exact measurement of time for me when I am
+with her--I leave her presence feeling "completed." I feel that a sort
+of gap within my being has been filled, that a spiritual hunger has
+been satisfied, that I have got something which I wanted, but for which
+I could not have formulated the desire in words. I had resolved that on
+this first night I would bring matters between us to a head and end
+this delicious but intolerable uncertainty as to how we stood; yet,
+when old Babette had served us with coffee in the drawing-room, as I
+call the second living-room, and we were alone together, I could not
+bring up the subject. Partly because I think she prevented me so doing
+by that skilful shepherding of the conversation into other paths with
+an artfulness with which God endows all women, and also partly because
+I could not screw myself up to the pitch. I could not, or rather would
+not, put my fate to the touch. I had a presentiment that in reaching
+for the summit I might fall from the slope. Alas! how true was this
+foreboding in some senses--but I will keep all things in their right
+order.
+
+[Illustration: "_The track met our ram_."]
+
+[Illustration: In the flash I caught a glimpse of his conning tower]
+
+Let it only be recorded that when she kissed me good-night (with the
+tenderness of a mother) and left me to smoke a final cigar I had said
+nothing, and I could only wonder at the strange fate that had placed me
+practically alone with a girl whom I had grown to love with a deep
+emotion, and who appeared to love me, yet often behaved as if I was her
+brother.
+
+The next day we were like two children. The snow was deep on the
+ground, and the fir trees stood like thousands of sentinels in grey
+uniform round the clearing. Once during the afternoon, as with Zoe's
+assistance I was furiously chopping wood for the fire, a droning noise
+made me look up, and thousands of metres overhead a small squadron of
+aeroplanes, evidently bound for the Western Front, sailed slowly across
+the sky. I thought how awkward it would be for them if they experienced
+an engine failure whilst over the forest, though they were up so high
+that I imagine they could have glided ten kilometres, and as I think
+(but I am not certain, and I have pledged myself not to try and find
+out) we were in the Forest of Montellan, which is barely fifteen
+kilometres broad, I suppose they could have fallen clear of the trees.
+
+As a matter of fact I imagine they would have used our clearing--I'm
+glad they didn't.
+
+That night after dinner she played to me, first Beethoven and then
+Chopin. I can see her as I write; she had just finished the 14th
+Prelude and, resting her chin on her hand, she smiled mysteriously at
+me.
+
+The hour had come, and, driven by strong impulses, I spoke. I told her
+that I loved her as I had never thought that a man could love a woman;
+I told her that I longed to shield her and protect her, and above all
+things to remove her from the clutches of that bestial Colonel, and as
+I bent over her and felt my senses swim in the subtleties of her
+perfume, I begged her passionately to say the word that would give me
+the right to fight the world on her behalf.
+
+When I had finished she was silent for a long while, and I can remember
+distinctly that I wondered whether she could hear the thump! thump!
+thump! of my heart, which to my agitated mind seemed to beat with the
+strength of a hammer.
+
+At length she spoke; two words came slowly from her lips:
+
+"I cannot."
+
+I was not discouraged. I could see, I could feel, that a tremendous
+struggle was raging, the outward signs of which were concealed by her
+averted head.
+
+At length I asked her point-blank whether she loved me. Her silence
+gave me my answer, and I took her unresisting body into my arms and
+kissed her to distraction. Oh! these kisses, how bitter they seem to me
+now, and yet how I long to hold her once again. For, freeing herself
+from my embrace and speaking almost mechanically, she said:
+
+"Karl! I must tell you. I cannot marry you."
+
+I pleaded, I prayed, I argued, I demanded. It was in vain; I always
+came up against the immovable "I cannot."
+
+And then I crashed over the precipice towards whose edge I had been
+blindly going. I had said for the hundredth time, "But you know you
+love me," when with a sob she abandoned all reserve, and, flinging her
+arms round my neck, implored me to take her. Then, as I caught my
+breath, she quickly said, as if frightened that she had gone too far,
+"But I cannot marry you."
+
+I looked down into those beautiful eyes, and for the first time I
+understood. For perhaps ten seconds I battled for my soul and the
+purity of our love; then, tearing my sight from those eyes which would
+lure an archangel to destruction, I was once more master of my body. As
+my resolution grew, I hated her for doing this thing that had wrecked
+in an instant the hopes of months, the ideals on which I had begun to
+build afresh my life.
+
+She felt the change, and left me.
+
+As she went out by the door she gave me one last look, a look in which
+love struggled with shame, a look which no man has ever earned the
+right to receive from any woman.
+
+But I was as a statue of marble, dazed by this calamity.
+
+As the door closed upon her, I started forward--it was too late.
+
+Had she waited another instant--but there, I write of what has happened
+and not what might have been.
+
+I did not sleep that night, until the dawn began to separate each fir
+tree from the black mass of the forest. Twice in the night, with shame
+I confess it, I opened my door and looked down the little passage-way;
+and twice I closed the door and threw myself upon my bed in an agony of
+torment. It was ten o'clock when a knock at the door aroused me, and
+the sunlight through the window-pane was tracing patterns on the floor.
+
+There was a note on the breakfast table, but before I opened it I knew
+that, save for Babette, I was alone in the house.
+
+The note was brief, unaddressed and unsigned. I have it here before me;
+I have meant to tear it up but I cannot. It is a weakness to keep it,
+but I have lost so much in the last few days, that I will not grudge
+myself some small relic of what has been. The note says:
+
+"I am leaving for Bruges at half-past eight, when the car was ordered
+to fetch us back. I go alone. Babette will give you breakfast. The car
+will return for you at eleven o'clock. I rely on your honour in that
+you will not observe where you have been. Come to me when you want
+me--till then, farewell."
+
+It was as she said, and I honourably acceded to her request. This
+afternoon just before lunch I arrived in Bruges, and since tea-time I
+have tried to write down what has happened since I left the day before
+yesterday. Oh! how could she do it, how can it be possible that she is
+a woman like that? I could have sworn that she was not like this--and
+yet how can I account for her life with the Colonel? There must be some
+reason, but in Heaven's name, what?
+
+Meanwhile I am to go to her when I want her! And that will be when I
+can give her my name. But oh! Zoe, I want you now, so badly, oh! so
+badly!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I saw her once to-day in the gardens, walking by herself.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have told Max's secretary that I want to get to sea; to be here in
+Bruges and not to see her is more than I can bear.
+
+I sail at dawn to-morrow. Shall I see her? No, it is best not.
+
+A frightful noise over the New Year celebrations to-night. Champagne
+flowing like water in the Mess. I feel the year 1917 opens badly for
+me.
+
+Weissman also went to sea again for a short trip in the Channel, and
+has not reported for five days. Perhaps he has despised the Dover
+Barrage once too often. If this is so, it is a great loss to the
+service: he was a man of iron resolution in underwater attack.
+
+I feel I ought to despise Zoe, but I can't. I love her too much; after
+all, am I not perhaps encasing myself in the robe of a Pharisee?
+
+She offered me all she had, save only the one thing I asked, without
+which I will take nothing. I cannot reconcile her behaviour with her
+character; why can't she trust me? why can't she be frank with me? I
+will not believe she is that sort.
+
+I feel I cannot go out again without a _sign_--I may not return, and I
+will not leave her, perhaps for ever, with this bitterness between us.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+At sea in U.C.47 again. Alten as surly as ever.
+
+I decided finally to write to Zoe, but found it difficult to know what
+to say. Eventually I said more than I had intended. I told her frankly
+that I experienced a shock, but that I had not meant to seem so cold,
+and that what I had done had been done for both our sakes. I told her
+that I still loved her, and I implored her once more to leave the
+Colonel and come to me as my wife.
+
+Already I long to know what message awaits me on my return.
+
+This will not be for three days. We left at dawn this morning to lay
+mines off the channel to Harwich harbour; a nest from which submarines,
+cruisers and destroyers buzz in and out like wasps. It will be ticklish
+work.
+
+
+
+
+_On the bottom_.
+
+
+Our mines are still with us, but so are our lives, which is something.
+
+We were approaching the appointed spot at 6 a.m. this morning, when
+without the slightest warning the track of a torpedo was seen streaking
+towards us about 50 yards on the starboard bow.
+
+Before Alten (who was on the bridge with me) could do more than press
+the diving alarm, the track met our ram. I breathed again, and was then
+reminded by an oath from Alten that the boat was diving.
+
+It was evident that we had only been saved by the torpedo running deep
+under the cut-away part of our bow, otherwise!--well, the tangle of my
+affairs would have been easily straightened.
+
+Further procedure on the surface was suicidal, and we kept hydrophone
+patrol, twice hearing the motors of the enemy submarine. At the moment
+we are on the bottom waiting to come up and charge to-night, and lay
+our mines at dawn to-morrow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+On the bottom in 28 metres and feeling none too comfortable, as there
+would appear to be about a dozen destroyers overhead.
+
+Last night, or rather early this morning, I participated in one of the
+most extraordinary incidents that I have ever heard of.
+
+It was pitch-black dark when I took over at 4 a.m., and a fresh breeze
+had raised a lumpy sea, which covered the bridge with spray. We were
+charging 400 amps on each, with the intention of laying one mine
+directly there was sufficient light to get a fix from some of the buoys
+which the English stick down all over the place here in the most
+convenient manner possible. If only one could believe they never
+shifted them. Alten says it never occurs to an Englishman to do a thing
+like that, but I'm not so sure. However, we were proceeding along at
+about five knots, crashing into the sea rather badly, when out of the
+black beastliness of the night I saw a shape close aboard on the port
+hand.
+
+As I hesitated for a second as to my course of action, I was astounded
+to see a large submarine which must have been British, on an opposite
+course, not more than 25 metres away!
+
+This sounds absurd, but it really wasn't further. I'm not ashamed to
+confess that I was completely disorganized; it did not seem possible
+that the enemy was literally alongside me.
+
+I don't know how it struck the officer in the British boat, but I must
+give him credit for doing something first, for he fired a Very's white
+light straight at me as the two boats passed. It impinged on the hull,
+and in the flash I caught a photographic glimpse of his conning tower,
+on which was painted the letter E, followed by two numbers, of which
+one was a two I think, and the other a nine.
+
+By this time he was on my port quarter and rapidly disappearing; in a
+frenzy of rage I managed to get my revolver out, and whilst with the
+left hand I pressed the diving alarm, with the right hand I emptied the
+magazine in his direction. When we were down, Alten practically
+refused to believe me, which made me very pleased that in descending I
+had trod on a pair of hands which turned out to be his, as he had
+started up the ladder to the upper conning tower when he first heard
+the alarm.
+
+I presume our opponent dived as well, but evidently he had put two and
+two together and used his aerial at some period, for when at dawn we
+poked a periscope up, a flotilla of destroyers appeared to be looking
+for something, which "something" was us, unless I am much mistaken; so
+we bottomed, where we have been ever since. The Hydroplane Operator
+keeps up a monotonous sing-song to the effect that "Fast running
+propellers are either receding or approaching." The crew are collected
+round the mine-tubes as I write, and are singing a lugubrious song, the
+refrain of which runs:
+
+  "Death for the Fatherland! Glorious fate,
+  This is the end that we gladly await."
+
+Why will the seamen always become morbid when possible? And there is
+not a man amongst them who is not inwardly thinking of some beer-hall
+in Bruges, though I suppose that like their betters they have their
+romances of a tenderer kind.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The boat has been rolling about on the bottom in the most sickening
+manner the whole afternoon. We flooded P and Q to capacity, which gave
+her 50 tons negative, but it seems to have little effect in steadying
+her, and it is evident that a really heavy gale is running on top.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Surfaced at 10 p.m.; a very heavy sea running and impossible to do much
+more than heave to. This weather has one point in its favour and that
+is that the destroyers are driven in.
+
+It got steadily worse all night, and at midnight we lost our foremost
+wireless mast overboard; we have now (10 a.m.) been 48 hours without
+communication. At dawn we could see nothing to fix by; not a buoy in
+sight, nothing but an expanse of foam-topped short steep waves of dirty
+neutral-tinted water; how different to the great green and white surges
+of the broad Atlantic.
+
+Under these circumstances Alten decided to risk it and return without
+laying our mines; for once in a way I agreed with him, as it is better
+not to lay a minefield at all than dump one down in some unknown
+position which one may have to traverse oneself in the course of a
+month or so. We are now slowly, very slowly, struggling back to
+Zeebrugge.
+
+A green sea came down the conning tower to-day, and everything in the
+boat is damp and smelly and beastly. The propellers race at frequent
+intervals and the whole boat shudders--I feel miserable.
+
+Alten has started to drink spirits; he began as soon as we decided to
+go back. He will be incapable by to-night, and it means that I shall
+have to take her in.
+
+What hell this is, sitting in sodden clothes, with the stench of four
+days' living assaulting the nostrils, and a motion of the devil; the
+glass is very low and is slowly rising, so that I suppose it will blow
+harder soon, though it is about force eight at present.
+
+I wonder what Zoe will have written in reply to my note. When I think
+of what I rejected and compare it with my beast-like existence here, I
+can hardly believe that I behaved as I did--what would I not give now
+to be transported back to the forest! At this rate of progress we shall
+take another 24 hours. I wonder if I can knock another half-knot out of
+her without smashing her up.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The extraordinarily violent motion has upset the _Anschutz_. [1] The
+bearing cone of the stabilizing gyro has cracked, and the master
+compass began to wander off in circles. I was just resting for an hour
+or two, wedged up on a wet settee with coats equally wet, when her
+heavy pitching changed to a wallowing roll, and I heard the pilot, who
+was on watch, cursing down the voice-pipe, as we had sagged off our
+course.
+
+[Footnote 1: Gyroscopic compass.--ETIENNE.]
+
+I heard the voice of the helmsman querulously maintain that he was
+steering his course by _Anschutz_, so I got up and gingerly clawed my
+way into the control room, where I found by comparing _Anschutz_ with
+magnetic that the former had gone to hell, the reason being obvious, as
+the stabilizer was exerting a strongly biased torque. I stopped the
+_Anschutz_ and asked the pilot to give the helmsman a steady by
+magnetic.
+
+As we staggered back to our course I heard a thud in the wardroom, and
+on returning to my settee found that Alten had rolled out of his bunk,
+where he was lying in a drunken stupor, and that he was face downwards,
+sprawling on the deck, half his face in the broken half of a dirty dish
+which had fallen off the table whilst I was having tea. As I couldn't
+let the crew see him like this, I was obliged to struggle and get him
+back into his bunk. He was like a log and absolutely incapable of
+rendering me any assistance, though he did open his eyes and mutter
+once or twice as I lifted him up, trunk first and then his legs. He
+stank of spirits and I hated touching him. Lord! what a truly hoggish
+man he is; yet I cannot help envying him his oblivion to these
+surroundings.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+Arrived in, this afternoon.
+
+
+Alten quite slept off his drink, and was offensively sarcastic as I
+worked on the forepart with wires, getting her into the shelters
+alongside the mole.
+
+I hastened up to Bruges, and in the Mess heard several items of news
+and found two letters. The first, in a well-known handwriting, I opened
+eagerly, but received a chill of disappointment when I read its single
+line.
+
+"I am here when you want me.--Z."
+
+So she thinks to break my resolution!
+
+No! I am stronger than she, and, now that I know she loves me, I can
+and will bend her to my will. Even now, at this distance of time, I can
+hardly understand my conduct the other day. I must have been given the
+strength of ten. I feel that I could not do it again; had she hesitated
+a second longer at the door--well, I can hardly say what I would have
+done.
+
+It is my duty to do so, for her sake and my own. But I know my
+weakness, and in this fact lies my strength. Cost what it may, I shall
+not permit myself to go near her until she yields.
+
+The second letter gave me a great surprise. It was from Rosa. She has
+passed some examination, and is coming _here_ of all places as a Red
+Cross nurse. She says she is looking forward to going round a U-boat!
+She assumes a good deal, I must say, still, I suppose I must be polite
+to her; but why the deuce does she sign herself "Yours, Rosa?" She's
+not mine, and I don't want her; it seems funny to me that I once
+thought of her vaguely in that sort of way. Now, I feel rather
+disturbed that she is coming here, though I don't quite see why I
+should worry, and yet I wonder if it is a coincidence her coming to
+Bruges?
+
+I'm almost inclined to think it isn't. After all, every girl wants to
+get married, and without conceit my family, circumstances and, in the
+privacy of the pages of this journal I may add, my personal
+appearances, are such as would appeal to most girls--except Zoe,
+apparently!
+
+I'll have to be on my guard against Miss Rosa.
+
+I heard to-day that I am likely to be appointed to the periscope school
+in a few weeks' time, and meanwhile I am to be attached as
+supernumerary to the operations division on old Max's staff.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The work here is most interesting. I feel glad that I am one of the
+spiders weaving the web for Britain's destruction.
+
+The impasse with Zoe still continues, and my peace of mind has been
+still further disturbed by the actual arrival of Rosa. She rang me up
+within twelve hours of her arrival, and, of course, I was obliged to
+call. That was the day before yesterday. Rosa is at the No. 3 Hospital
+here, and was horribly effusive. Some people would, I suppose, call her
+good-looking, but to me, with my mind's-eye in perpetual contemplation
+of my darling Zoe, Rosa looked like a turnip. Her first movement after
+the preliminary greetings was to offer me a cigarette! I then noticed
+that her fingers were stained with nicotine, unpleasant in a man,
+disgusting in a woman.
+
+Her nose was shiny and greasy--horrible. After a little talk she
+volunteered the statement that yesterday was her afternoon off, and she
+was simply longing to have tea in the gardens.
+
+I endeavoured to make some feeble excuse on the grounds of the weather
+being unsuitable, but I am no good at these social lies, and I was
+eventually obliged to promise to take her there. I was the more annoyed
+in that her main object was obviously to be seen walking with a U-boat
+officer.
+
+Accordingly, yesterday, I found myself walking about with her at my
+side. My feelings can better be imagined than described when I suddenly
+saw Zoe, accompanied by Babette, in the distance. I hastily altered
+course, and pray she didn't see me.
+
+In the course of the afternoon Rosa had the impertinence to say that at
+Frankfurt they were saying that I was interested in a beautiful widow
+at Bruges, and could she (Rosa) write and say I was heart-whole, or
+else what the girl was like. I'm afraid that I lost my temper a little,
+and I told Rosa she could write to all the busybodies at home and tell
+them from me to go to the devil.
+
+These women in the home circle, and especially aunts, are always the
+same; firstly, they badger one to get married, and then if they think
+one is contemplating such a step they are all agog to find out whether
+she is suitable!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Three more boats, two of which are U.C.'s, are overdue. It is
+distinctly unpleasant not knowing how or where they go, though the U.B.
+boat (Friederich Althofen) made her incoming position the day before
+yesterday as off Dungeness, so it looks as if the barrage at Dover
+which got Weissman has got Althofen as well. I wonder what new devilry
+they have put down there.
+
+How one wishes that in 1914, instead of seeking the capture of Paris,
+we had realized the importance of the Channel Ports to England, and
+struck for them!
+
+It would not have been necessary to strike even in September, 1914. We
+could have walked into them. Dunkirk, at all events, should have been
+ours; however, we must do the best with things as they are, not that I
+would consider it too late even now to make a big push for the French
+coast.
+
+It would seem, as a matter of fact, that all the pushing is to be at
+the other end of the line, in the Verdun sector, from the rumours I
+hear, though I should have thought once bitten twice shy in that
+quarter.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Saw Zoe again in the distance, and I think she saw me; at all events
+she turned round and walked away.
+
+This girl whom I cannot, and would not if I could, obliterate from my
+thoughts, is causing me much worry.
+
+She shows no sign of giving in, and I for one intend to be adamant. I
+shall defeat her in time. The male intellect is always ultimately
+victorious, other things being equal. I was reading Schopenhauer on the
+subject last night. What a brain that man had, though I confess his
+analysis of the female mentality is so terribly and truthfully cruel
+that it jars on certain of my feelings.
+
+Zoe's resolution in this conflict, this sex war one might call it, only
+adds to her charm in my eyes; she is, I feel, a worthy mate for me,
+both intellectually and physically, and she shall be mine--I have
+decided it.
+
+Met Rosa to-day at old Max's house, where I went to pay a duty call.
+
+Her Excellency is as forbidding a specimen of her sex as any I have
+ever met. She quite frightened me, and in the home circle the old man
+seemed quite subdued.
+
+I escorted Rosa home, and on the way to her hospital she gave me a
+great surprise, as after much evasive talk she suddenly came out with
+the news that she was engaged to Heinrich Baumer, of U.C.23. I was
+quite taken aback, and will frankly confess that not so very long ago I
+imagined, evidently erroneously, that she was disposed to let her
+affections become engaged in another quarter. However, I was really
+very glad to hear this news, and congratulated her with genuine
+feeling.
+
+The knowledge that she was a promised woman quite altered my feelings
+towards her, and before I quite meant to, I had told her a considerable
+amount about Zoe. It gave me much relief to be able to unburden myself,
+and confide my difficulties elsewhere than in the pages of this
+journal.
+
+I have asked the girl to tea to-morrow.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A vile air raid last night. British machines, of course. They seemed
+determined to get over the town, and from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. relays of
+machines (of which not _one_ was shot down) attacked us. The din was
+tremendous, and all sleep was out of the question.
+
+Morning revealed surprisingly little damage, as is often the case in
+these big raids, whereas a few bombs from a chance machine often work
+havoc. I was down at 50 B.C. aerodrome this morning, and heard that as
+soon as the moon suits we are going to make Dunkirk sit up as
+retaliation for last night's efforts. There were also rumours of big
+attacks impending on London as soon as the new type of Gothas are
+delivered. That will shake the smug security of those cursed islanders.
+
+Rosa came to tea, and afterwards I told her more about Zoe, and as I
+expect any day to be appointed to the periscope school at Kiel, I asked
+Rosa to try and effect an introduction to Zoe, and do what she could
+for me. Rosa gave me the impression that she was somewhat surprised
+that I should have had any difficulty with Zoe (of course I had not
+told her of the shooting-box scene). Rosa evidently thinks any woman
+ought to be honoured....
+
+Perhaps I was not so far wrong in my surmises as to Rosa's previous
+inclinations--I wonder; at any rate she will undoubtedly make Baumer a
+good wife, and she will probably be very fruitful and grow still fatter
+and housewifely. She is of a type of woman appointed by God in his
+foresight as breeders. Zoe, my adorable one, will probably not take
+kindly to babies.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am ordered to report myself at Kiel by next Monday.
+
+I am terribly tempted to ring up Zoe on the telephone before I leave:
+it seems dreadful to leave her without a word; but at the same time I
+feel that she would interpret this as a sign of weakness on my part--as
+indeed it would be. I must be firm, for strength of mind pays with
+women, even more than with men.
+
+
+
+
+_At Kiel_.
+
+
+I left Bruges without a word either to or from my obstinate darling.
+
+It is torture being away from her. I had thought that when I was here
+and not exposed to the temptation of going round and seeing her, that
+it would be easier; it is not. I long to write, and how I wonder
+whether she is feeling it as I do.
+
+I have read somewhere that a woman's passion once aroused is more
+ungovernable than a man's. That her whole being cries aloud for me
+cannot be doubted, and if the above statement is true what
+inflexibility of will she must be showing--it almost makes me fear--but
+no, I will defeat her in this strange contest, and she shall be my
+wife.
+
+The work here is strenuous, and the grass does not grow under one's
+feet. The course for commanding officers lasts four weeks, and
+terminates in an exceedingly practical but rather fearsome test--i.e.,
+they have six steamers here camouflaged after the English fashion with
+dazzle painting, and these six steamers, protected by launches and
+harbour defence craft, steam across Kiel Bay in the manner of a convoy.
+The officer being examined has to attack this group of ships in one of
+the instructional submarines, and in three attacks he must score at
+least two hits, or else, in theory, he is returned to general service
+in the Fleet.
+
+Fortunately at the moment I hear that owing to recent losses they are
+distinctly on the short side where submarine officers are concerned, so
+they'll probably make it easy when I do my test.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I see I have written nothing here for a fortnight; this is due to two
+causes: Firstly, I have been so extraordinarily busy, and, secondly, I
+have been most depressed through a letter I received from Fritz. It
+contained two items of bad news.
+
+In the first place, I heard for the first time of the tragedy of
+Heinrich Baumer's boat, and to my astonishment Fritz tells me that Rosa
+and another girl were in her when she was lost!
+
+It appears that she was to go out for a couple of hours' diving off the
+port as a matter of routine after her two months' overhaul. She went
+out at 10 a.m., and was sighted from the signal station at the end of
+the mole at 11.30, when almost immediately afterwards there was an
+explosion and she disappeared. Motor-boats were quickly on the scene,
+but only debris came to the surface. Divers were sent down, and
+reported that she was in ten metres of water completely shattered. It
+is assumed, for lack of other explanation, that she struck a chance
+drifting mine which was moving down the coast on the tide.
+
+Meanwhile Rosa and another sister were missing from the hospital, and
+after forty-eight hours someone put two and two together and started
+investigations. It has been ascertained that Baumer motored down from
+Bruges after breakfast, and that in the car were two figures taken to
+be sailors, as they were muffled up in oilskins. This fact was noted by
+the control sentries, as, though the day was showery, it was not
+raining hard. Other scraps of evidence unite in showing that these were
+the two girls who had apparently induced Baumer to take them out for a
+dive as a treat.
+
+What a tragedy! However, it must have been quite instantaneous. Poor
+Rosa, with all her vanities about war work, to think that the war would
+claim her like that! [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: It is known that a boat with women on board was lost
+whilst exercising off Zeebrugge in the Spring of 1917. This would
+appear to be the boat in question.--ETIENNE.]
+
+Fritz added that old Max is almost off his head with rage over the
+whole business, and it is difficult to say whether he is more angry
+over Baumer and the boat being lost, or over the fact that Baumer being
+dead he is unable to administer those "disciplinary actions" in which
+he delights.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Great excitement here, as the day after to-morrow His Imperial Majesty
+the Kaiser and Hindenburg are due to pay Kiel a surprise visit. We are
+to be inspected and addressed. Tremendous preparations are going on.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+His Majesty, accompanied by the great Field-Marshal, inspected us this
+morning, and made a fine speech, of which we have been given printed
+copies. I shall frame mine and hang it in my boat, if I get a command.
+
+I transcribe it:
+
+"Officers and men of the U-boat service:
+
+"In the midst of the anxious moments in which we live I have determined
+to make time to come and witness in my own person the labours of those
+on whom I and the Fatherland rely. Fresh from the great battles on the
+West which are gnawing at the vitals of our hereditary enemies, I come
+to those whose glorious mission it will be to strike relentlessly at
+our most deadly and cunning enemy--cursed Britain. God is on our side
+and will protect you at sea for, in the striking at the nation which
+openly boasts that it aims at starving our women and children, you are
+engaged on a mission of undoubted holiness.
+
+"You must sink and destroy even as of old the Israelites smote and
+destroyed the alien races.
+
+"To the officers I would particularly say, my person is your honour,
+and I am your supreme chief. From my hands you will receive honour, and
+from my hands will proceed just punishment for the unhappy ones who
+fail in their duty.
+
+"To the men I would say, trust and obey your officers as you would your
+God. Officers and men! In you, your Kaiser and Fatherland place their
+trust--let neither be disappointed!"
+
+After his address, His Majesty graciously spoke a few words to
+individuals, of whom I had the signal honour of being one. I felt that
+I was in the presence of an Emperor. His gestures, his eyes, his voice,
+impressed me as belonging to a man born to command and to fill high
+places. The Field-Marshal never opened his mouth. I understand from his
+A.D.C. that he rarely speaks in public.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Colonel is KILLED! When I think about it, I am so excited I can
+hardly write!
+
+I heard the great news last night, quite by accident. I was sitting in
+the Mess after dinner, and picked up _Die Woche_, and glancing at the
+pictures, I suddenly saw the portrait of Colonel Stein, of the
+Brandenburgers, killed on the 7th instant near Ypres. I recognized the
+ugly and bloated face immediately from the photograph of him which she
+had once shown me.
+
+My first impulse was to send her a wire, but, on thinking matters over,
+I decided that it would be difficult to put all my thoughts into the
+curt sentences of a telegram, and, further, that as all wires are
+doubtless examined at the Main Post Office at Bruges, it might lead to
+trouble, so I wrote her a letter.
+
+This, in a way, has been an exhibition of weakness on my part, as I had
+promised myself that I would not take the first step in reopening
+communication; but I feel that the fortunate death of Stein has
+completely altered the case. I told her in the letter that I realized
+that I had made mistakes, but that if she still loved me with half the
+strength that I loved her, then a telegram to me would make me the
+happiest of men.
+
+I wrote that yesterday, but have had no wire. Perhaps, like me, she
+distrusts telegrams and prefers letters.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A long letter from Zoe: an accursed fetter--an abominable letter--a
+damnable letter; she still refuses to marry me. I leave for Bruges
+to-night on forty-eight hours' special leave.
+
+
+
+
+_Kiel, 17th._
+
+
+I hate Zoe, she has broken my heart.
+
+After her preposterous letter of the 14th, I decided that in a matter
+which so closely affected my happiness no stone ought to remain
+unturned to ensure a satisfactory solution of the problem, so I
+determined to have a personal interview. I arrived at Bruges after tea
+and went at once to the flat.
+
+I tackled her immediately on the subject of her letter, and told her
+that naturally I understood that a decent interval must elapse before
+we married; but, granted this fact, I told her that I failed to see
+what prevented our marriage.
+
+A most unpleasant and harrowing scene ensued, the details of which form
+such painful recollections that I really cannot write them down here,
+though in the passage of months I have acquired the habit of writing in
+the pages of this journal with the same freedom as I would talk to that
+wife whom I had hoped to possess. She maintained an obstinate silence
+when I urged her to give me at least some tangible reason as to why she
+would not marry me. She contented herself and maddened me by reflecting
+in a kind of monotone: "I love you, Karl! and am yours, but I cannot
+marry you."
+
+I could have beaten her till she was senseless, but I had enough sense
+to realize that with Zoe, whose resolution, considering she is a woman,
+amazes me, force is not the best method. As I continued to press her
+(time was important: had I not journeyed far to see her?), those
+glorious eyes of hers, which I love and whose power I dread, filled
+with tears. I was a brute! I was heartless! I was inconsiderate! I
+could not love her! I was cruel! And I know not what other accusation
+crushed me down.
+
+Broken-hearted and dispirited, I told her to choose there and then.
+
+She collapsed on to a sofa in a storm of tears, and after a severe
+mental struggle I took the only possible course, and leaving the
+room--left her for ever. I have resumed my service life determined to
+cast her out from my mind.
+
+I will not deceive myself: it will be hard. Love and Logic are deadly
+enemies, but Logic must and shall prevail. Though I have seen her for
+the last time, I cannot escape the net of fascination which the girl
+has thrown over me. Perhaps in the course of time I shall slowly emerge
+and free myself from its entanglements. At present I hate her for this
+blow she has dealt me, and yet, O Zoe! my darling, how I long to be
+with you!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+To-day I went through my final test for qualification as U-boat
+commander.
+
+At 9 a.m. I proceeded to sea in command of the U.11, one of the
+instructional boats here. We proceeded out into Kiel Bay. On board and
+watching my every movement was a committee consisting of a commander
+and two lieutenant-commanders.
+
+On arrival at the entrance lightship, I was ordered to attack a convoy
+of camouflaged ships which were just visible about fifteen kilometres
+away off the Spit Bank. I had a very shrewd idea as to the course they
+would steer, and on coming up for my final observation I found myself
+in an excellent position, 1,000 metres on the bow of the leading ship.
+The rest was easy. I gave the leader the two bow torpedoes, and,
+turning sixteen points, fired my stern tube at the third ship of the
+line. Two hits were obtained, and I returned to harbour well pleased
+with myself. There is not the slightest chance of having failed to
+qualify.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+My confidence in myself was not misplaced; I heard to-day that I am on
+the command list, and anticipate in a few days being appointed to a
+boat. I wonder which craft I shall get?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I met the A.D.C. to the Chief of the Staff at the school, at the
+gardens, and in conversation with him discovered that he had heard that
+three boats were being detached from the Flanders flotilla for an
+unknown destination. This has given me an idea, for I feel that I can
+never return to Bruges, and I was rather dreading being appointed to
+one of the boats there. I have dropped a line to Fritz Regels, who is
+on old Max's staff, and told him that I do not wish to return to
+Bruges, and I further hinted that I understood a detached squadron was
+proceeding somewhere, and, as far as I was concerned, the further the
+better, if I could get into it.
+
+I have tried the night life at this place at the Mascotte and
+Trocadero, [1] in order to forget, but it is a poor consolation.
+
+[Footnote 1: Two well-known cabarets at Kiel.--ETIENNE.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A letter from Fritz, saying that he has an idea that Korting's boat
+would suit me, though he could not of course give me further details in
+a letter; however, he informs me positively that I shall not be at
+Bruges.
+
+On the strength of this I have wired to Fritz, and asked him to try and
+fix up an exchange between me and Korting, provided the latter is
+agreeable and the people in Max's office have no objection. I have a
+recollection that Korting's boat is one of the U.40--U.60 class, which
+would suit me admirably, and, as for destination, I care not where it
+is, provided only that it be far from Bruges.
+
+
+
+
+_At sea_.
+
+
+I have quite neglected my poor old journal for several weeks. But I
+have passed through an extraordinarily busy period.
+
+It was approved that I should relieve Korting, whose boat, the U.59, I
+discovered to be refitting at Wilhelmshaven. I was very pleased not to
+go back to Bruges, though as we steam steadily north at this moment I
+cannot escape a sense of deep disappointment that upon my return from
+this trip I shall not enjoy as of old the fascination of Zoe. But I
+shall have plenty of time to get accustomed to this idea, for this is
+no ordinary trip.
+
+We are bound for the North Cape and Murman Coast, where we remain until
+well into the cold weather--at any rate, for three months.
+
+Our mission is to work off that fogbound and desolate coast, and attack
+the constant stream of traffic between England and Archangel. There are
+two other boats besides ourselves on the job, but we shall all be
+working far apart.
+
+Our first billet is off the North Cape. In order to save time, we are
+to be provisioned once a month in one of the fjords. I don't imagine
+the Admiralty will have any difficulty in getting supplies up to us, as
+at the moment we are off the Lofotens, and we actually have not had to
+dive since we left the Bight!
+
+There seems to be nothing on the sea except ourselves. Where is the
+much vaunted and impenetrable web of blockade which the English are
+supposed to have spread around us? And yet many raw materials are
+getting very short with us. I see that in this boat they have replaced
+several copper pipes with steel ones during her refit, and this will
+lead to trouble unless we are careful--steel pipes corrode so badly
+that I never feel ready to trust them for pressure work.
+
+The truth about the blockade is that it is largely a paper blockade,
+yet not ineffective for all that. Unfortunately for us, the damned
+English and their hangers-on control the cables of the world, and hence
+all the markets, and I don't suppose, to take the case of copper, that
+a single pound of it is mined from the Rio Tinto without the British
+Board of Trade knowing all about it. The neutral firms simply dare not
+risk getting put on to the British Black List; it means ruination for
+them. And then all these dollar-grabbing Yankees, enjoying all the
+advantages of war without any of its dangers--they make me sick.
+
+This seems a most profitable job. I have only been up seven days, but
+I've bagged four steamers, all by gun-fire, and all fat ships, brimful
+of stuff for the Russians. My practice has been to make the North Cape
+every day or two to fix position, as the currents are the most abnormal
+in these parts, and I should say that the "Sailing Directions Pilotage
+Handbook" and "Tidal Charts" were compiled by a gentleman at a desk who
+had never visited these latitudes.
+
+At the moment I am standing well out to sea, as the immediate vicinity
+of the North Cape has become rather unhealthy.
+
+Yesterday afternoon (I had sunk number four in the morning, and the
+crew were still pulling for the coast) four British trawlers turned up.
+These damned little craft seem to turn up wherever one goes. I longed
+to have a bang at them with my gun, but, apart from the uncertainty as
+to what they carried in the way of armament, I have strict orders to
+avoid all that sort of thing, so I dived and steamed slowly west, came
+up at dusk and proceeded to charge up my batteries.
+
+These U.60's are excellent boats, and I am very lucky to get one so
+soon. I suppose Korting, being a married man, wants to stay near his
+wife. I cannot write that word without painful memories of Zoe and idle
+thoughts of what might have been. Well, perhaps it is for the best. I
+am not sure that a member of the U-boat service has the right to get
+married in war-time, for unless he is of exceptional mentality it must
+affect his outlook under certain circumstances, though I think I should
+have been an exception here. Then the anxiety to the woman must be
+enormous; as every trip comes round a voice must cry within her, this
+may be the last. The contrast between the times in harbour and the
+trips is so violent, so shattering and clear cut.
+
+With a soldier's wife, she merely knows that he is at the front; with
+us, at 8 p.m. one may be kissing one's wife in Bruges, and at 6 a.m.
+creeping with nerves on edge through the unknown dangers of the Dover
+Barrage--but I have strayed from what I meant to write about--my first
+command and her crew.
+
+The quarters in this class are immensely superior to the U.C.-boats.
+Here I have a little cabin to myself, with a knee-hole table in it. My
+First Lieutenant, the Navigator and the Engineer have bunks in a room
+together, and then we have a small officers' mess.
+
+On this job up here, as we are not to return to Germany for supplies,
+and, consequently, I should say we may have to live on what we can get
+out of steamers, I don't propose to use my torpedoes unless I meet a
+warship or an exceptionally large steamer.
+
+The gun's the thing, as Arnauld de la Perriere has proved in the
+Mediterranean; but half the fellows won't follow his example, simply
+because they don't realize that it's no use employing the gun unless it
+is used accurately, and good shooting only comes after long drill.
+
+I have impressed this fact on my gun crew, and particularly the two
+gun-layers, and I make Voigtman (my young First Lieutenant) take the
+crew through their loading drill twice a day, together with practice of
+rapid manning of the gun after a "surface" or rapid abandonment of the
+gun should the diving alarms sound in the middle of practice. I have
+also impressed on Voigtman that I consider that he is the gun control
+officer, and that I expect him to make the efficient working of the gun
+his main consideration.
+
+As regards the crew, they are the usual mixed crowd that one gets
+nowadays: half of them are old sailors, the others recruits and new
+arrivals from the Fleet. My main business at the moment is to get the
+youngsters into shape, and for this purpose I have been doing a number
+of crash dives. It also gives me an opportunity of getting used to the
+boat's peculiarities under water. She seems to have a tendency to
+become tail-heavy, but this may be due to bad trimming.
+
+Voigtman has been in U.B.43 for nine months, and seems a capable
+officer. Socially, I don't think he can boast of much descent, but he
+has no airs, and treats me with pleasing respect, apart from service
+considerations.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A very awkward accident took place this morning, which resulted in
+severe injury to Johann Wiener, my second coxswain.
+
+A party of men under his direction were engaged in shifting the stern
+torpedo from its tube, in order to replace it with a spare torpedo, as
+I never allow any of my torpedoes to stay in the tube for more than a
+week at a time owing to corrosion. The torpedo which had been in the
+tube had been launched back and was on the floor plates.
+
+The spare torpedo, destined for the vacant tube, was hanging overhead,
+when without any warning the hook on the lifting band fractured, and
+the 1,000 kilogrammes' mass of metal crashed down.
+
+Wonderful to relate, no one was killed, but two men were badly bruised,
+and Wiener has been very seriously injured. He was standing astride the
+spare torpedo, and his right leg was extremely badly crushed, mostly
+below the knee.
+
+Unfortunately it took about ten minutes to release him from his
+position of terrible agony. I should have expected him to faint, but he
+did not. His face went dead white, and he began to sweat freely, but
+otherwise endured his ordeal with praiseworthy fortitude.
+
+[Illustration: "The 1,000 kilogrammes of metal crashed down."]
+
+[Illustration: "Good-bye! Steer west for America!"]
+
+[Illustration: "It is a snug anchorage and here I intend to remain."]
+
+I am now confronted with a perplexing situation. I cannot take him back
+to Germany; I cannot even leave my station and proceed south to any of
+the Norwegian ports. If I could find a neutral steamer with a doctor on
+board, I would tranship him to her; but the chances of this God-send
+materializing are a thousand to one in these latitudes. If I sighted a
+hospital ship I would close her, but as far as I know at present there
+are no hospital ships running up here. The chances of outside
+assistance may therefore be reckoned as nil. Wiener's hope of life
+depends on me, and I cannot make up my mind to take the step which
+sooner or later must be taken--that is to say, amputation.
+
+It is a curious fact, but true, nevertheless, that although, as a
+result of the war, men's lives, considered in quantity, seem of little
+importance, when it comes to the individual case, a personal contact, a
+man's life assumes all its pre-war importance.
+
+I feel acutely my responsibility in this matter. I see from his papers
+that he is a married man with a family; this seems to make it worse. I
+feel that a whole chain of people depend on me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Since I wrote the above words this morning, Wiener has taken a decided
+turn for the worse.
+
+I have been reading the "Medical Handbook," with reference to the
+remarks on amputation, gangrene, etc., and I have also been examining
+his leg. The poor devil is in great pain, and there is no doubt that
+mortification has set in, as was indeed inevitable. I have decided that
+he must have his last chance, and that at 8 p.m. to-night I will
+endeavour to amputate.
+
+
+
+
+_Midnight_.
+
+
+I have done it--only partially successful.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Last night, in accordance with my decision, I operated on Wiener.
+Voigtman assisted me. It was a terrible business, but I think it
+desirable to record the details whilst they are fresh in my memory, as
+a Court of Inquiry may be held later on. Voigtman and I spent the whole
+afternoon in the study of such meagre details on the subject as are
+available in the "Medical Handbook." We selected our knives and a saw
+and sterilized them; we also disinfected our hands.
+
+At 7.45 I dived the boat to sixty metres, at which depth the boat was
+steady. We had done our best with the wardroom-table, and upon this the
+patient was placed. I decided to amputate about four inches above the
+knee, where the flesh still seemed sound. I considered it impracticable
+to administer an anaesthetic, owing to my absolute inexperience in this
+matter.
+
+Three men held the patient down, as with a firm incision I began the
+work. The sawing through the bone was an agonizing procedure, and I
+needed all my resolution to complete the task. Up to this stage all had
+gone as well as could be expected, when I suddenly went through the
+last piece of bone and cut deep into the flesh on the other side. An
+instantaneous gush of blood took place, and I realized that I had
+unexpectedly severed the popliteal artery, before Voigtman, who was
+tying the veins, was ready to deal with it.
+
+I endeavoured to staunch the deadly flow by nipping the vein between my
+thumb and forefinger, whilst Voigtman hastily tried to tie it. Thinking
+it was tied, I released it, and alas! the flow at once started again;
+once more I seized the vein, and once again Voigtman tried to tie it.
+Useless--we could not stop the blood. He would undoubtedly have bled to
+death before our eyes, had not Voigtman cauterized the place with an
+electric soldering-iron which was handy.
+
+Much shaken, I completed the amputation, and we dressed the stump as
+well as we could.
+
+At the moment of writing he is still alive, but as white as snow; he
+must have lost litres of blood through that artery.
+
+
+
+
+9 _p.m._
+
+
+Wiener died two hours ago. I should say the immediate cause of death
+was shock and loss of blood. I did my best.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We have been out on this extended patrol area seven days, but not a
+wisp of smoke greets our eyes.
+
+Nothing but sea, sea, sea. Oh, how monotonous it is! I cannot make out
+where the shipping has got to. Tomorrow I am going to close the North
+Cape again. I think everything must be going inside me. I am too far
+out here.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The North Cape bears due east. Nothing afloat in sight. Where the devil
+can all the shipping be? In ten days' time I am due to meet my supply
+ship; meanwhile I think I'll have to take another cast out, of three
+hundred miles or so.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Nothing in sight, nothing, nothing.
+
+The barometer falling fast and we are in for a gale. I have decided to
+make the coast again, as I don't want to fail to turn up punctually at
+the rendezvous.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Standarak-Landholm Fjord--thank heavens.
+
+Heavens! we have had a time. We were still two hundred and fifty miles
+from the coast when we were caught by the gale. And a gale up here is a
+gale, and no second thoughts about it. To say it blew with the force of
+ten thousand devils is to understate the case. The sea came on to us in
+huge foaming rollers like waves of attacking infantry intent on
+overwhelming us.
+
+We struggled east at about three knots. But she stuck it magnificently.
+Low scudding clouds obscured the sky and came like a procession of
+ghosts from the north-east. Sun observations were impossible for two
+reasons. Firstly, no one could get on deck; secondly, there was no
+visible sun. This lasted for three days, at the end of which time we
+had only the vaguest idea as to where we were.
+
+The gale then blew out, but, contrary to all expectations, was
+succeeded by a most abominable fog, thick and white like cotton-wool.
+These were hardly ideal conditions under which to close a rocky and
+unknown coast, but it had to be done. The trouble was that it was
+entirely useless taking soundings, as the twenty-metre depth-line on
+the chart went right up to the land. We crept slowly eastwards, till,
+when by dead reckoning we were ten miles inside the coast, the
+Navigator accidentally leant on the whistle lever; this action on his
+part probably saved the ship, as an immediate echo answered the blast.
+In an instant we were going full-speed astern. We altered course
+sixteen points and proceeded ten miles westerly, where we lay on and
+off the coast all night, cursing the fog.
+
+Next day it lifted, and we spent the whole time trying to find the
+entrance to the S. Landholm Fjord. The coast appeared to bear no
+resemblance to the chart whatsoever.
+
+The cliffs stand up to a height of several hundred metres, with
+occasional clefts where a stream runs down. There are no trees, houses,
+animals, or any signs of life, except sea birds, of which there are
+myriads. The Engineer declares he saw a reindeer, but five other people
+on deck failed to see any signs of the beast.
+
+After hours of nosing about, during which my heart was in my mouth, as
+I quite expected to fetch up on a pinnacle rock, items which are
+officially described in the Handbook as being "very numerous," we
+rounded a bluff and got into a place which seems to answer the
+description of S. Landholm. At any rate, it is a snug anchorage, and
+here I intend to remain for a few days, and hope for my store-ship to
+turn up.
+
+I've posted a daylight look-out on top of the bluff; it would be very
+awkward to be caught unawares in this place, which is only about 150
+metres wide in places.
+
+I'm taking advantage of the rest to give the crew some exercises and
+execute various minor repairs to the Diesels.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Yesterday we fought what must be one of the most remarkable single-ship
+actions of the war.
+
+At 9 a.m. the look-out on the cliffs reported smoke to the northward.
+
+I got the anchor up and made ready to push off, but still kept the
+look-out ashore. At 9.30 he reported a destroyer in sight, which seemed
+serious if she chose to look into my particular nook.
+
+At any rate, I thought, I wouldn't be caught like a rat, so I got my
+look-out on board--a matter of ten minutes--and then proceeded out,
+trimmed down and ready for diving.
+
+When I drew clear of the entrance I saw the enemy distant about a
+thousand metres. I at once recognized her as being one of the oldest
+type of Russian torpedo boats afloat. When I established this fact, a
+devil entered into my mind, and did a most foolhardy act.
+
+I decided that I would not retreat beneath the sea, but that I would
+fight her as one service ship to another.
+
+When I make up my mind, I do so in no uncertain manner--indecision is
+abhorrent to me--and I sharply ordered, "Gun's Crew--Action."
+
+I can still see the comical look of wonderment which passed over my
+First Lieutenant's face, but he knows me, and did not hesitate an
+instant. We drilled like a battleship, and in sixty-five seconds--I
+timed it as a matter of interest--from my order we fired the first
+shot. It fell short.
+
+Extraordinary to relate, the torpedo boat, without firing a gun, put
+her helm hard over, and started to steam away at her full speed, which
+I suppose was about seventeen knots.
+
+I actually began to chase her--a submarine chasing a torpedo boat! It
+was ludicrous.
+
+With broad smiles on their faces, my good gun's crew rapidly fired the
+gun, and we had the satisfaction of striking her once, near her after
+funnel, but it did no vital damage, as a few minutes afterwards she
+drew out of range! What a pack of incompetent cowards!
+
+They never fired a shot at us. I suppose half of them were drunk or
+else in a state of semi-mutiny, for one hears strange tales of affairs
+in Russia these days.
+
+The whole incident was quite humorous, but I realized that I had hardly
+been wise, as without doubt the English will hear of this, and these
+trawlers of theirs will turn up, and I'm certainly not going to try any
+heroics with John Bull, who is as tough a fighter as we are.
+
+Meanwhile, what of the supply ship, for I'm supposed to meet her here,
+and it's already twenty-four hours since yesterday's epoch-making
+battle and I expect the English any moment.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+My doubts were removed for me since I received special orders at noon
+by high-power wireless from Nordreich, and on decoding them found that,
+for some reason or other, we are ordered to proceed to Muckle Flugga
+Cape, and thence down the coast of Shetlands to the Fair Island
+Channel, where we are directed to cruise till further orders. Special
+warning is included as to encountering friendly submarines.
+
+It appears to me that a special concentration of U-boats is being
+ordered round about the Orkneys, and that some big scheme is on hand.
+
+We are now steering south-westerly to make Muckle Flugga, which I hope
+to do in four days' time if the weather holds.
+
+These Northern waters have proved very barren of shipping in the last
+few weeks, and this fact, coupled with the approaching winter weather,
+which must be fiendish in these latitudes, makes me quite ready to
+exchange the Archangel billet for the work round the Orkneys and
+Shetlands, though this is damnable enough in the winter, in all
+conscience.
+
+There is only one fly in the ointment, and that is that this premature
+return to North Sea waters might conceivably mean a visit to Zeebrugge,
+though this class are not likely to be sent there.
+
+Though it is many weeks since I left Zoe, I have not been able to
+forget her. I continually wonder what she is doing, and often when I am
+not on my guard she wanders into my thoughts.
+
+Whilst I am up here, it does not matter much, except that it causes me
+unhappiness, but if I found myself at Bruges it would be very hard.
+However, I don't suppose I shall ever see her again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Sighted Muckle Flugga this morning, and shaped course for Fair Island.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Oh! what a hell I have passed through. I can hardly realize that I am
+alive, but I am, though whether I shall be to-morrow morning is
+doubtful--it all depends on the weather, and who would willingly stake
+their life on North Sea weather at this time of the year?
+
+Curses on the man who sent us to the Fair Island Channel. Where the
+devil is our Intelligence Service? If we make Flanders I have a story
+to tell that will open their eyes, blind bats that they are,
+luxuriating in the comfort of their fat staff jobs ashore.
+
+The Fair Island Channel is an English death-trap; it stinks with death.
+By cursed luck we arrived there just as the English were trying one of
+their new devices, and it is the devil. Exactly what the system is, I
+don't quite know, and I hope never again to have to investigate it.
+
+For forty-seven, hours we have been hunted like a rat, and now, with
+the pressure hull leaking in three places, and the boat half full of
+chlorine, we are struggling back on the surface, practically incapable
+of diving at least for more than ten minutes at a time. Even on the
+surface, with all the fans working, one must wear a gas mask to
+penetrate the fore compartment. Oh! these English, what devils they
+are!
+
+Here is what happened:
+
+Fair Island was away on our port beam when we sighted a large English
+trawler, which I suspected of being a patrol. To be on the safe side, I
+dived and proceeded at twenty metres for about an hour.
+
+At 5 p.m. (approximately) I came up to periscope depth to have a look
+round, but quickly dived again as I discovered a trawler, steering on
+the same course as myself, about a thousand metres astern of me. This
+was the more disconcerting, as in the short time at my disposal it
+seemed to me that she was remarkably similar to the craft I had seen in
+the afternoon, and yet this hardly seemed likely, as I did not think
+she could have sighted me then.
+
+On diving, I altered course ninety degrees, and proceeded for half an
+hour at full speed, then altered another ninety degrees, in the same
+direction as the previous alteration, and diving to thirty metres I
+proceeded at dead slow. By midnight I had been diving so much that I
+decided to get a charge on the batteries before dawn; I also wanted to
+be up at 1 a.m. to make my position report.
+
+I surfaced after a good look round through the right periscope, which,
+as usual, revealed nothing. I had hardly got on the bridge, when a
+flash of flame stabbed the night on the starboard beam and a shell
+moaned just overhead.
+
+I crash-dived at once, but could not get under before the enemy fired a
+second shot at us, which fortunately missed us. As we dived I ordered
+the helm hard a starboard, to counteract the expected depth-charge
+attack. We must have been a hundred and fifty metres from the first
+charge and a little below it, five others followed in rapid succession,
+but were further away, and we suffered no damage beyond a couple of
+broken lights. The situation was now extremely unpleasant. I did not
+dare venture to the surface, and thus missed my 1 a.m. signal from
+Headquarters. I wanted a charge badly, and so proceeded at the lowest
+possible speed. At regular intervals our enemy dropped one depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, but these reports always seemed the same
+distance away.
+
+At dawn I very cautiously came up to periscope depth, and had a look.
+To my consternation I discovered our relentless pursuer about 1,500
+metres away on the port quarter. In some extraordinary manner he had
+tracked us during the night.
+
+I dived and altered course through ninety degrees to south.
+
+At 9 a.m. a tremendous explosion shook the boat from stem to stern,
+smashing several lights, and giving her a big inclination up by the
+bow.
+
+As I was only at twenty metres I feared the boat would break surface,
+and our enemy was evidently very nearly right over us. I at once
+ordered hard to dive, and went down to the great depth of ninety-five
+metres.
+
+A series of shattering explosions somewhere above us showed that we
+were marked down, and we were only saved from destruction by our great
+depth, the English charges being set apparently to about thirty metres.
+
+At noon the situation was critical in the extreme. My battery density
+was down to 1,150, the few lamps that I had burning were glowing with a
+faint, dull red appearance, which eloquently told of the falling
+voltage and the dying struggles of the battery.
+
+The motors with all fields out were just going round. The faces of the
+crew, pallid with exhaustion, seemed of an ivory whiteness in the dusky
+gloom of the boat, which never resembled a gigantic and fantastically
+ornamental coffin so closely as she did at that time.
+
+The air was fetid. I struck a match; it went out in my fingers. The
+slightest effort was an agony. I bent down to take off my sea-boots,
+and cold sweat dropped off my forehead, and my pulse rose with a kind
+of jerk to a rapid beating, like a hammer.
+
+I left one sea-boot on.
+
+At 1 p.m. a deputation of the crew came aft, and in whispered voices
+implored me to surface the boat and make a last effort on the surface.
+A muffled report, as our implacable enemy dropped a depth-charge
+somewhere astern of us, added point to the conversation, and showed me
+that our appearance on the surface could have but one end.
+
+At 3 p.m. the second coxswain, who was working the hydroplanes, fell
+off his stool in a dead faint.
+
+At 3.30 p.m. the supreme crisis was reached: two more men fainted, and
+I realized that if I did not surface at once I might find the crew
+incapable of starting the Diesels.
+
+At the order "Surface," a feeble cheer came from the men.
+
+We surfaced, and I dragged myself-up to the conning tower. Luckily we
+started the Diesels with ease, and in a few minutes gusts of beautiful
+air were circulating through the boat.
+
+Meanwhile, what of the enemy? I had half expected a shell as soon as we
+came up, and it was with great anxiety that I looked round. We had been
+slightly favoured by fortune in that the only thing in sight was a
+trawler away on the port beam. It was our hunter.
+
+I trimmed right down, hoping to avoid being seen, as it was essential
+to stay on the surface and get some amperes into the battery. I also
+altered course away from him.
+
+It was about 5 p.m. that I saw two trawlers ahead, one on each bow. By
+this time the boat's crew had quite recovered, but I did not wish to
+dive, as the battery was still pitiably low. I gradually altered course
+to north-east, but after half an hour's run I almost ran on top of a
+group of patrols in the dusk.
+
+I crash-dived, and they must have seen me go down, as a few minutes
+later the boat was violently shaken by a depth-charge.
+
+We were at twenty metres, still diving at the time. I consulted the
+chart, but could find no bottoming ground within fifty miles, a
+distance which was quite beyond my powers.
+
+At 11 p.m. I simply had to come up again and get a charge on the
+batteries.
+
+From 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., at regular half-hourly intervals, a
+depth-charge had gone off somewhere within a radius of two miles of me.
+Needless to say, I was only crawling along at about one knot and
+altering course frequently. What was so terrible was the patent fact
+that the patrols in this area had evidently got some device which
+enabled them to keep in continual touch with me to a certain extent.
+
+These monotonous and regular depth-charges seemed to say: "We know, Oh!
+U-boat, that we are somewhere near you, and here is a depth-charge just
+to tell you that we haven't lost you yet." [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: Karl was quite right; it is evident that he had the
+misfortune to encounter one of our new hydrophone-hunting groups, just
+started In the Fair Island Channel. The incident of the depth-charges
+every half-hour was known as "Tickling up." Probably the patrol only
+heard faint noises from him.--ETIENNE.]
+
+As an hour had elapsed since the last depth-charge, I felt fairly happy
+at coming up, and on making the surface I was delighted to find a
+pitch-black night and a considerable sea. From 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. I
+actually had three hours of peace, and in this period I managed to cram
+a considerable amount of stuff into the batteries. The densities were
+rising nicely and all seemed well, when I did what I now see was a very
+foolish thing.
+
+I made my 1 a.m. wireless report to Nordreich, in which I requested
+orders at 3 a.m. and reported my position, together with the fact that
+I had been badly hunted.
+
+In twenty-five minutes they were on me again! I had most idiotically
+assumed that the English had no directional wireless in these parts.
+They have. They've got everything that they have ever tried up there;
+it was concentrated in that infernal Fair Island Channel.
+
+I was only saved by seeing a destroyer coming straight at me,
+silhouetted against, the low-lying crescent of a new moon. When I dived
+she was about six hundred metres away. As I have confessed to doing a
+foolish thing, I give myself the pleasure of recording a cleverer move
+on my part. I anticipated depth-charge attack as a matter of course,
+but instead of going down to twenty-five metres, I kept her at twelve.
+
+The depth-charges came all right, seven smashing explosions, but, as I
+had calculated, they were set to go off at about thirty metres, and so
+were well below me.
+
+The boat was thrown bodily up by one, and I think the top of the
+conning tower must have broken surface, but there was little danger of
+this being seen in the prevailing water conditions.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I have just had to stop recording my experiences of the past
+forty-eight hours, as the Navigator, who is on watch, sent down a
+message to say that smoke was in sight.
+
+The next hour was full of anxiety, but by hauling off to port we
+managed to lose it. I then had a little food, and I will now conclude
+my account before trying again to get some sleep.
+
+
+
+
+_The account continued._
+
+
+All my hopes of getting up again that night, both for the purpose of
+charging and of getting the 3 a.m. signal, were doomed to be
+disappointed, as the hydrophone operator kept on reporting the noise of
+destroyers overhead. Occasional distant thuds seemed to indicate a
+never-ending supply of depth-charges, but they were about four or five
+miles from me. Perhaps some other unfortunate devil was going through
+the fires of hell.
+
+At daylight on the second day my position was still miserable. The
+battery was getting low again, the sea had gone down, and when I put my
+periscope up at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed to be ringed with patrols. I
+felt as if I was in an invisible net, and though I endeavoured to
+conceal my apprehension from the crew, I could see from the listless
+way they went about their duties that they realized that once again we
+were near the end of our resources.
+
+All the forenoon we crept along at thirty metres, until the tension was
+broken at 1 p.m. by a furious depth-charge attack. In some
+extraordinary way they had located me again and closed in upon me. The
+first charges were some little distance off, and as they got closer a
+feeling of desperation overcame me, and I seriously contemplated ending
+the agony by surfacing and fighting to the last with my gun.
+
+Curiously enough, the procedure that I adopted was the exact opposite.
+I decided to dive deep. I went down to 114 metres. At this exceptional
+depth, three rivets in the pressure hull began to leak, and jets of
+water with the rigidity of bars of iron shot into the boat. I held on
+for five minutes, which was sufficient to save me from the depth-charge
+attack, though two which went off almost above me broke some lamps. I
+then came up to twenty metres and slowly crawled on. Throughout the
+long afternoon, though we were not directly attacked again, I heard
+depth-charges on several occasions sufficiently close to me to
+demonstrate that these implacable and tireless devils had an idea of
+the area I was in.
+
+By a supreme effort, working one motor at the only speed it would go,
+viz., "Dead slow," I managed to squeeze out the battery until I
+estimated it must be dusk.
+
+There was only one thing to do--I surfaced. It was not as dark as I had
+hoped, and I saw a fairly large sloop-like vessel, about eight thousand
+metres away, on the port beam. She must have seen me simultaneously, as
+the flash of a gun darted from her, the shell falling short.
+
+I couldn't dive; there seemed only one thing to do: fight and then die.
+I ordered the gun's crew up, and the unequal duel began. We were going
+full speed on the Diesels, and my course was east by north. A good deal
+of water and spray was flying over the gun, and my crew had little hope
+of doing much accurate shooting, but I have often found that when one
+is being fired at there is nothing so comforting as the sound of one's
+own gun.
+
+Our enemy was armed with two large guns, fifteen centimetres or over,
+but had no speed, a discovery which raised my hopes again. It was soon
+evident that, provided we were not heading for another patrol, if we
+could survive ten minutes' shelling, we should be saved for the time
+being by the fading light, which was evidently causing our enemy
+increasing difficulties, as his shots alternated between very short and
+very much over.
+
+I was actually congratulating the Navigator on our escape, and I had
+just told the gun's crew to cease firing at the blurred outlines on the
+port quarter from which the random shells still came, when there was a
+sheet of yellow flame and a jar which threw me against the signalman.
+The latter had been standing near the conning-tower hatch, and
+unfortunately I knocked him off his balance, and he fell with a thud
+into the upper conning tower. He had the good fortune to escape with a
+couple of ribs broken, but when I recovered myself and got to my feet,
+far worse consequences met my eyes.
+
+By the worst of ill-luck, a shell which must have been fired
+practically at random had hit the gun just below the port trunnion.
+
+The result of the explosion was very severe. Four of the seven men at
+the gun had been blown overboard, the breech worker was uninjured,
+though from the way he swayed about it was evident that he was dazed,
+and I expected to see him fall over the side at any moment. The
+remaining two men were as dead as horse-flesh.
+
+The material damage was even more serious. The gun had been practically
+thrown out of its cradle, but in the main the trunnion blocks had held
+firm, and the whole pedestal had been carried over to starboard.
+
+The really terrible effects of this injury were not apparent at first
+sight, but I soon realized them, for an hour later (we had shaken off
+the sloop) I saw red flame on the horizon, which plainly indicated
+flaming at the funnel from some destroyer doubtless looking for us at
+high speed.
+
+I dived, intending to surface again as soon as possible. With this
+intention in my head, I did not go below the upper conning tower. We
+had barely got to ten metres, when loud cries from below and the
+disquieting noise of rushing water told me that something was wrong. I
+blew all tanks, surfaced, left the First Lieutenant on watch and went
+below.
+
+There were five centimetres of water on the battery boards, and I
+understood at once that we could never dive again.
+
+For the pedestal of the gun, in being forced over, had strained the
+longitudinal seam of the pressure hull, to which it is bolted, and a
+shower of water had come through as soon as we got under.
+
+It might have been hoped that this was enough, but no! our cup was not
+yet full. Chlorine gas suddenly began to fill the fore-end. The salt
+water running down into the battery tanks had found acid, and though I
+ordered quantities of soda to be put down into the tank, it became, and
+still is at the moment of writing, impossible to move forward of the
+conning tower without putting on a gas mask and oxygen helmet. So we
+are helpless, and at the mercy of any little trawler, or even the
+weather.
+
+We have no gun; we cannot dive. The English must know that they have
+hit us, and every hour I expect to see the hull of a destroyer climb
+over the horizon astern.
+
+We are fortunate in two respects: in that for the time being the
+weather seems to promise well, and our Diesels are thoroughly sound.
+
+We are ordered to Zeebrugge--I could have wished elsewhere for many
+reasons, but it does not matter, as I cannot believe we are intended to
+escape.
+
+I feel I would almost welcome an enemy ship, it would soon be over; but
+this uncertainty and anxiety drags on for hour after hour--and now I
+cannot sleep, though I haven't slept properly for over seventy hours. I
+am so worn out that my body screams for sleep, but it is denied to me,
+and so, lest I go mad, I write; it is better to do this, though my eyes
+ache and the letters seem to wriggle, than to stand up on the bridge
+looking for the smoke of our enemies, or to lie in my bunk and count
+the revolutions of the Diesels; thousands of thousands of thudding
+beats, one after the other, relentless hammer strokes.
+
+I have endured much.
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE BY ETIENNE_
+
+
+_A break occurs in Karl von Schenk's diary at this juncture. Fortunately
+the main outlines of the story are preserved owing to Zoe's long
+letter, which was in a small packet inside the cover of the second
+notebook. Zoe's letter will be reproduced in this book in its proper
+chronological position, but in order to save the reader the trouble of
+reading the book from the letter back to this point, a brief summary of
+what took place is given here. The entries in his diary which follow
+the words "I have endured much," are very meagre for a period which
+seems to have been about a month in length. There is no further mention
+of the latter stages of Karl's passage in the wrecked boat to
+Zeebrugge, so it is presumed that he made that port without further
+adventure. He was evidently on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and
+appears to have been suffering from very severe insomnia. He had been
+hunted for two days, during which he was perpetually on the verge of
+destruction, and the cumulative effect of such an experience is bound
+to leave its mark on the strongest man. When he got back to Zeebrugge
+he must have been at the end of his tether, and whether by chance or
+design it was when Karl was, as he would have said, "at a low mental
+ebb" that Zoe made her last and successful attack upon his resolution
+not to see her again unless she consented to marry him. It is plain
+from her letter that when he left her after the stormy interview in
+which he vowed never to see her again, Zoe did not lose hope. She seems
+to have kept herself _au courant _with his movements, and actually to
+have known when he was expected in._
+
+_We know that she had many friends amongst the officers, and it is
+probable that from one of these she was able to get information about
+Karl's movements._
+
+_Bruges was probably a hot-bed of U-boat gossip, and, not unlike the
+conditions at certain other Naval ports during the war, the ladies were
+often too well informed. At any rate it appears that Zoe rushed to see
+Karl directly he arrived at Bruges, and found him a mental and physical
+wreck, suffering from acute insomnia._
+
+_With the impetuous vigour which evidently guided most of her actions,
+she took complete charge of Karl, and, as he was due for four days'
+leave, she whisked him off to the forest._
+
+_Karl may have protested, but was probably in no state to wish to do so.
+At her shooting-box in the forest Zoe achieved her desire, and the
+stubborn struggle between the lovers ended in victory for the woman.
+There is an entry in Karl's diary which may refer to this period; he
+simply says, "Slept at last! Oh, what a joy!"_
+
+_If this entry was written in the forest, it seemed as if Karl had been
+unable to sleep until Zoe carried him off to the forest peace of her
+shooting-box and surrounded him with the atmosphere of her tender
+sympathy._
+
+_There is no evidence of the light in which Karl viewed his defeat,
+when, having regained his strength, he was able to take stock of the
+changed situation. It is reasonable to suppose that his silence upon
+this matter in the pages of his diary is evidence that he was ashamed
+of what he must have considered a great act of weakness on his part._
+
+_At all events he realized that he had crossed the Rubicon and that he
+had better acquiesce in the_ fait accompli.
+
+_He seems to have been in harbour for about six weeks, during which he
+lived with Zoe, and the lovers enjoyed a brief spell of happiness
+before Karl set out on his next trip._
+
+_Karl seems to have found those six weeks very pleasant ones, though his
+diary merely contains brief references, such as: "A. day in the country
+with Z."; "Z. and I went to the Cavalry dance," and other trivial
+entries--of his thoughts there is not a word._
+
+_About the end of 1917 Karl's boat was repaired, and he left for the
+Atlantic; and once more resumed full entries in his diary._
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+
+
+
+_Karl's Diary resumed_.
+
+Sailed at 9 p.m. last night, and we are now seventeen miles off Beachy
+Head. The Straits of Dover were frightful; the glare of the acetylene
+flares on the barrage showed for miles. Seen from a distance it gave me
+the impression of the gates of hell, through which we had to pass.
+
+I dived, ten miles away, and went through with the tide at a depth of
+forty metres.
+
+Two hours and three quarters of suspense, and at dawn we came up,
+having passed safely through the great deathtrap. At the moment there
+is nothing in sight, except a little smoke on the horizon. I am going
+to dive again till dusk.
+
+2 _a.m._
+
+We are thrashing down the Channel with a south-westerly wind right
+ahead. My instructions are to work for two days between the Lizard and
+Kinsale Head, and then proceed far out in the Atlantic, where the
+convoys are supposed to meet the destroyers.
+
+That Fair Island Channel experience was enough for a lifetime. Death,
+quick, short and sudden, this I am ready for. But torture, slow, long
+and drawn-out, is not in the bargain which in this year of grace every
+civilized man and half the savages of the world seem to have had to
+make with the god Mars.
+
+As I sit in this steel, cigar-shaped mass of machinery, the question
+rings incessantly in my ears: "To what object is all this war directed,
+when analysed from the point of view of the individual?"
+
+It does not satisfy any longing of mine. I have not got a lust for
+battle: no one who fights has a lust for battle. Editors of newspapers
+and people on General Staffs, possibly also Cabinet Ministers, have
+lusts for battles, as long as they arrange the battle and talk about
+it afterwards--curse them!
+
+The only thing I want is to be with Zoe. I want to live and spend long
+years with her, enjoying life--this life of which I have spent half
+already, and now perhaps it will be taken from me by some other man:
+some Englishman who doesn't really want to take my life, reckoned as an
+individual.
+
+Around me in the darkness are the patrol boats, manned by the
+Englishmen who are seeking my life. Seeking it, not to gratify their
+private emotions, but because we are all in the whirlpool of War and
+cannot escape.
+
+Like an avalanche, it seems to gather strength and speed as it rolls
+on, this War of Nations. The world must be mad! I cannot see how it can
+ever stop. England will never be defeated at sea. We shall conquer on
+land--then what?
+
+An inconclusive peace.
+
+Even if we smash this island Empire and gain the dominion of the world,
+how will it advantage me? I can see no way in which I can gain.
+
+It would be said, if any one should read this: _Gott_! what a selfish
+point of view--he thinks only of his personal gain, not of his country.
+
+But, confound it all, I reply, answer me this:
+
+Do I exist for my country, or does my country exist for me?
+
+For example, does man live for the sake of the Church, or was the
+Church created for man?
+
+Does not my country exist for my benefit?
+
+Surely it is so.
+
+Then again, I am risking my all, my life; I live in danger,
+apprehension and great discomfort; I do all these things, and yet if as
+a reasonable man I ponder what advantage I am to gain from all these
+sacrifices I am adjudged selfish.
+
+It is all madness; I cannot fathom the meaning of these things.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In position on the Bristol line of approach, the weather is bad.
+
+
+
+
+_At twenty metres._
+
+
+Once again Death has stretched forth his bony fingers to catch me by
+the throat, and only by a chance have I wriggled free.
+
+Yesterday afternoon at 5 p.m. we sighted a small steamer flying Spanish
+colours and steering for Cardiff. The weather was choppy, but not too
+bad, and I decided to exercise the gun's crew, though I did not think
+there would be much doing, as the Spaniards soon give in.
+
+I opened fire at six thousand metres, and pitched a shell ahead of her
+and ran up the signal to heave-to. The wretched little craft paid no
+attention, and continued on her lumbering course. I suspected the
+presence of an Englishman on her bridge, and determined to hit.
+
+This we did with our sixth shot, and she stopped dead and wallowed in
+the trough, with clouds of steam pouring out of her engine-room; we had
+evidently got the engine-room.
+
+As we closed her, it was evident that a tremendous panic was taking
+place on board. The port sea boat was being launched, but one fall
+broke and the occupants fell into the water. My Navigator begged me to
+give her another, which I did, and hit her right aft. Two boatloads of
+gesticulating individuals now appeared from the shelter of her lee side
+and began pulling wildly away from the ship.
+
+The Navigator, whose eyes were dancing with excitement, was very keen
+to play with them by spraying the water with machine-gun bullets; but
+it seemed to me to be waste of ammunition, and I would not permit it.
+
+Meanwhile we had approached to within about four hundred metres of her
+port bow. I was debating whether to accelerate her sinking, when I
+noticed that a fire had broken out aft, and I became possessed with a
+childish curiosity to see the fire being put out as she sank. It was a
+kind of contest between the elements.
+
+As I watched her, I was startled to hear three or four reports from the
+region of the fire.
+
+"Ammunition!" shouted the pilot, with wide-opened eyes.
+
+In an instant I pressed the diving alarm as I realized our deadly
+peril. Fool that I had been, she was a decoy-ship. They must have
+realized on board that I had seen through their disguise, for as we
+began to move forward, under the motors, a trap-door near her bows fell
+down, the white ensign was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened
+fire from the embrasure that was revealed on her side.
+
+We were fortunate in that our conning tower was already right ahead of
+the enemy, and as I dropped down into the conning tower, I saw that as
+she could not turn we were safe.
+
+A few shells plunged harmlessly into the water near our stern, and then
+we were under.
+
+We came up to a periscope depth, and I surveyed her from a position off
+her stern. She was sinking fast, but I felt so furious at being nearly
+trapped that I could not resist giving her a torpedo; detonation was
+complete, and a mass of wreckage shot into the air as the hull of the
+ship disappeared. As to the two boats, I left them to make the best
+course to land that they could.
+
+As they were fifty miles off the shore when I left them and it blew
+force six a few hours afterwards, I rather think they have joined the
+list of "Missing." We are now steering due west to our second position.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Received orders last night to return to base forthwith on the north
+about route. [1]
+
+[Footnote 1: This means into the North Sea round Scotland.--]
+
+I have shaped course to pass fifty miles north of Muckle Flugga; no
+more Fair Island Channel for me.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Statlandlet in sight, with the Norwegian coast looking very lovely
+under the snow--we never saw a ship from north of the Shetlands to this
+place, when we saw a light cruiser of the town class steaming
+south-west at high speed.
+
+She had probably been on patrol off this place, where the Inner and
+Outer Leads join up and ships have to leave the three-mile limit.
+
+She was well away from me, and an attack would have been useless. I did
+not shed any tears; I have lost much of the fire-eating ideas which
+filled my mind when I first joined this service.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are due off the mole at 8 p.m. tonight, and my heart leaps with joy
+at the thought of seeing my Zoe; already I can almost imagine her
+lovely arms round my neck, her face raised to mine, and all the other
+wonderful things that make her so glorious in my eyes.
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE BY ETIENNE_
+
+
+Before quoting the next entry in Karl's journal it is necessary to
+explain the situation which confronted him when he arrived in
+Zeebrugge. In his absence, his beloved Zoe had been arrested as an
+Allied Agent, and she was tried for espionage within a day or two of
+his arrival. There is no record of how he heard the news, and the blow
+he sustained was probably so terrible that whilst there was yet hope he
+felt no desire to write; but, as will be seen, there came a time when
+he turned to his journal as the last friend that remained to him. It is
+a curious fact that, with the exception of an entry at the beginning of
+this journal, Karl makes little mention of his mother and home at
+Frankfurt. Though he does not say so, it seems possible that his mother
+had heard of his entanglement with Zoe, and a barrier had risen between
+them; this suggestion gains strength from the fact that in his blackest
+moments of despair he never seems to consider the question of turning
+to Frankfurt for sympathy. Interest is naturally aroused as to the
+details of Zoe's trial. The available material consists solely of the
+long letter she wrote to him from Bruges jail. It may be that one day
+the German archives of the period of occupation will reveal further
+details. Information on the subject is possibly at the disposal of the
+British Intelligence Service, but this would be kept secret. All we
+know on the matter is derived from the letter, which has been preserved
+inside the second volume of Karl's diary.
+
+There seems no doubt that she was caught red-handed, but to say more
+would be to anticipate her own words.
+
+It was a matter of some difficulty to know where best to introduce
+Zoe's letter, but with a view to securing as much continuity of thought
+in the story as possible it has been decided to quote it at this
+juncture, although he did not receive it until after he had made the
+entry in the journal which will be quoted directly after the letter.
+
+I would like to appeal to any reader who may happen to be engaged in
+administrative or reconstructive work in Belgium, to communicate with
+me, care of Messrs. Hutchinson, should he handle any papers dealing
+with Zoe's trial.
+
+_ETIENNE_.
+
+
+
+
+ZOE'S LETTER
+
+
+MY BEST BELOVED,
+
+When you get this letter cease to sorrow for what will have happened,
+for I shall be at rest, and in peace at last, freed from a world in
+which I have known bitter sorrow and, until you came into my life, but
+little joy.
+
+For these past months I am grateful to God, if such a being exists and
+regulates the conduct of a world gone mad.
+
+For in a few hours I am to die.
+
+It is harder for you than for me; one moment of agony I suffered, a
+moment that seemed to last a century, when, amidst the sea of faces
+that swam in a confused mass before me at the trial, I saw your eyes
+and the torture that you were suffering. When I saw your eyes I knew
+that the President had said I must die. I am glad that I was told this
+by you, the only one amongst all these men who loved me. I suppose the
+President spoke; I never heard him, but I saw your eyes and I knew.
+
+My darling, it was cruel of you to come, cruel to me and cruel to
+yourself, but I loved you for being there; it showed me that up till
+the last you would stand by me, and until you read this you cannot know
+all the facts. That to you, as to the others, I must have seemed a
+woman spy and that nevertheless you stood by me, is to me a
+recollection of unsurpassable sweetness, compared with which all other
+thoughts of you fade into insignificance.
+
+Know now, oh, well beloved, that I was not unworthy of your love.
+
+I have a story to tell you, and I have such a little time left that I
+must write quickly. The priest who has been with me comes again an hour
+before the dawn, and he has promised to deliver these my last words of
+love into your hands.
+
+My real name is Zoe Xenia Olga Sbeiliez, and I was born twenty-nine
+years ago at my father's country house at Inkovano, near Koniesfol. I
+am Polish; at least, my father was, and my mother comes from the Don
+country. There was a day when my father's ancestors were Princes in
+Poland. Poor Poland was torn by the vultures of Europe, just as your
+countrymen, my Karl, are tearing poor Belgium and France, and so my
+family lost estates year by year, and my grandfather is buried
+somewhere in the dreary steppes of Siberia because he dared to be a
+Polish patriot.
+
+My father bowed before the storm, and under my mother's influence he
+never became mixed up with politics. Thus he lived on his estates at
+Inkovano, and nursed them for my younger brother, Alexandrovitch, the
+child of his old age. Alex would be nineteen now, had he lived. The
+estates were large as these things go in Western Europe, but they were
+but a garden as compared with the lands held by my great-grandfather,
+Boris Sbeiliez.
+
+My father had a dream, and he dreamed this dream from the day Alex was
+born to the day they both died in each other's arms.
+
+My father dreamt that one day the Tsars would soften their heart to
+Poland, and raise her up from the dust to a place amongst the nations,
+and my father dreamt that Alexandrovitch Sbeiliez would become a leader
+of Poland, as his ancestors had been before him. And so my father
+nursed his estates and pinched and saved, in preparation for the day
+when his beautiful dream should come true.
+
+[Illustration: "A trapdoor near her bows fell down, the White Ensign
+was broken at the fore, and a 4-inch gun opened fire from the embrasure
+that was revealed on her side."]
+
+[ILLUSTRATION: "I sighted two convoys, but there were destroyers
+there...."]
+
+My poor idealistic father never realized, oh, my Karl, that when one
+wants a thing one must fight--to the death. Alex was the apple of his
+eye, but I was much loved by my mother; perhaps she dreamed a dream
+about me--I know not, but she determined that I should have all that
+was necessary. Paris, Berlin, Munich, Dresden, and a season in London,
+then I came home at twenty-one, perfectly educated according to the
+world, beautiful according to men, and dressed according to Paris. But
+I was only to find out how little I knew. My mother and I used to take
+a house in Warsaw for the season, and I met many notable men and women.
+In these days I, also, thought I could do something for Poland, but
+after two or three seasons I found that I, too, was only dreaming idle
+dreams. Oh! my beloved, beware of dreaming idle dreams.
+
+Listen! I once met the Prime Minister of all Russia at a reception. I
+captivated him, and thought, now! now! I shall do something.
+
+I sat next to him at dinner; I talked of Poland--and I knew my
+subject--I talked brilliantly; he listened, he hung on my words, and
+he, the Prime Minister of all Russia, the Tsar's right-hand man, asked
+me to drive with him next day in his sledge. I, an almost unknown
+Polish girl!
+
+When I accepted, I was in the seventh heaven of delight.
+
+Next day he called and we set forth; at a deserted spot in the woods
+near Warsaw he tried to kiss me--I struck him in the face with the butt
+of his own whip.
+
+That was why he had hung on my words, that was why he had taken me for
+my drive; it was my Polish body that interested _him_--not Poland.
+
+The Prime Minister of Russia was confined to his room for two days,
+"owing to an indisposition." How I laughed when I saw the bulletin in
+the paper, signed by two doctors, but it taught me a lesson; I never
+dreamt idle dreams again.
+
+No, I am wrong, my beloved. I dreamt an idle dream, a lovely dream
+about you and I. An after-the-war dream, if this war should ever end,
+but like other dreams it has ended--in dreams.
+
+But I must hurry, for my little watch tells me that one hour of my five
+has gone, and I have much to say.
+
+I could have married, and married brilliantly, but Poland held me back.
+I did not know what I could do for my country, it all seemed so
+hopeless, and yet I felt that perhaps one day ... and I felt I ought to
+be single when that day came.
+
+It was not easy, my Karl, sometimes it was hard; one man there was,
+Sergius was his Christian name; he loved me madly, and sometimes I
+thought--but no matter, he is dead now, killed at Tannenberg, and
+I--well, I will tell you more of my story.
+
+When the war broke out and clouded over that last beautiful summer in
+1914 (I wonder will there ever be another like it in your lifetime, my
+Karl? No, I don't think it can ever be quite the same after all this!),
+we were all in the country. Alex was back from his school in Petrograd,
+and my father kept him at home for the autumn term.
+
+How well I remember the excitement, the mobilization, the blessing of
+the colours, the wave of patriotism which swept over the country; even
+I, under the influence of the specious proclamations that were issued
+broadcast by the Government, with their promises of reform, and redress
+for Poland after the war was over, felt more Russian than Polish. Lies!
+Lies! Lies! that was what the Government promises were, my Karl.
+
+Under the stress of war the rottenness of that great whited sepulchre,
+Russia, feared the revival of the Polish spirit; it might have been
+awkward, and so they lied with their tongues in their cheeks, and we
+simple Poles believed them; the peasantry flocked to their depots,
+little knowing whom they fought, but the proclamations which were read
+to them told them they fought for Poland, and we women worked and
+prayed for the success of Russian arms.
+
+Then the tide of war swept westward, and all day long and every day the
+troops, and the guns and the motor-cars and the wagons rolled through
+the village to the west.
+
+Guarded hints in the papers seemed to say that all was not well in
+France, but France was so far away, and all the time the Russians were
+going west through our village. Mighty Russia was putting forth her
+strength, and the Austrian debacle was in full swing; these were great
+days, my Karl, for a Russian!
+
+Then one day the long columns of men and all the traffic seemed to
+hesitate in the sluggish westward flow, and then it stopped, and then
+it began to go east. The weeks went on, and one day, very, very
+faintly, there was a rumbling like a distant thunderstorm. It was the
+guns! The front was coming back.
+
+Have you ever seen forest fires, my Karl? We had them every autumn in
+our woods. If you have, then you know how all the small animals and the
+birds, the rabbits and the foxes, and perhaps a wolf or two, and the
+deer, and the thrushes and the linnets come out from the shelter of the
+trees, fleeing blindly from the great peril, anxious only to save their
+lives. So it was when the front came back. Herds of moujiks, the old
+men, the women, the children, the poor little babies, struggled blindly
+eastwards through the village.
+
+Pushing their miserable household gods on handcarts, or staggering
+along with loads on their backs, and weary children dragging at their
+arms, the human tide flowed eastwards, round our house, begged perhaps
+a drink of water, and then wandered feverishly onwards.
+
+They knew not in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred where they were
+going; their only destination was summed up in the words, "Away from
+the Front"--away from the ominous rumbling which began to get louder,
+away from that western horizon which was beginning to have a lurid glow
+at nights, like a sunset prolonged to dawn.
+
+Then, as the Germans advanced more and more, the character of the tide
+changed, the civilian element was outnumbered by the military.
+Companies, battalions, brigades, sometimes in good order, sometimes in
+no order, marched through the village. They would often halt for a
+short time, and the officers would come up to the house, where my
+mother and I gave them what we could. My father lived amongst his books
+and accounts, and bemoaned the extravagance of the war. Then there were
+the deserters, the stragglers, the walking wounded, the--but you know,
+my Karl, what an army in retreat means.
+
+I must proceed with my story, for time moves relentlessly on.
+
+One day a desperately wounded officer, a young Lieutenant of the Guard,
+a boy of twenty-five, was taken out of a motor ambulance to die.
+
+The ambulance had stopped opposite our gates, and lying on his
+stretcher he had seen our garden, my garden. He knew he was to die, and
+he had begged with tears in his eyes to the doctor that he might be
+left in the garden.
+
+Who could refuse him?
+
+He died within two hours, amongst our flowers, with Alex and I at his
+side.
+
+Before he died, he begged us, implored us, almost ordered us, to move
+east before it was too late.
+
+We repeated his arguments to my father, but the latter was obdurate,
+and he swore that a regiment of angels would not move him from his
+ancestral home. So we made up our minds to stay.
+
+Things got worse and worse, and one day shells fell in the grounds and
+we hid in the cellars. That night all our servants ran away, and my
+father cursed them for cowards. Next day in the early morning we heard
+machine guns fire outside the village, and then all was still.
+
+At six o'clock Alex, white-faced, came running into the house. He had
+been down to the gates and he had seen the enemy. They were drunk, he
+said, and going down the street firing the houses and shooting the
+people as they came out.
+
+It seemed impossible and yet it was true. It was growing dark, when we
+heard shouts and saw lights, and from the top of the house I saw a
+crowd of singing and shouting soldiers, with pine torches, half
+running, half walking up the drive.
+
+They massed in a body opposite the house. Paralysed with terror, I
+looked down on the scene, and shuddered to see that every second man
+seemed to have a bottle. One of them fired a shot at the house, and
+next I remember a flood of light on the drive, and, in the circle of
+light, my father standing with hand raised. What my father intended can
+never be known, for, as he paused and faced the mob, a solitary shot
+rang out, and he fell in a huddled heap.
+
+As he fell, a boyish voice from the door shouted "Murderers!" It was
+Alex. With his little pistol I had given him for a birthday present in
+his hand, he ran forward and, standing over my father's body, head
+thrown back, he pointed his pistol at the mob and fired twice. A man
+dropped, there was a flash of steel, the crowd surged forward,
+and--and, oh! my Karl, they had murdered my beloved brother, my darling
+Alex.
+
+The next moment they were in the house. I escaped from my window on to
+the roof of the dairy, and from there down a water-pipe, across the
+yard to an old hay-loft. For a long time they ran in and out of the
+house, like ants, looting and pillaging; then there was a great shout,
+and for some time not a soul came out of the house. I guessed they had
+got into the cellars. At about midnight I saw that the house was on
+fire. In a few minutes it was an inferno and the drunken soldiers came
+pouring out, firing their rifles in all directions.
+
+I had found a piece of rope in the loft. One end I placed on a hook and
+the other round my neck. I was close to the upper doors of the loft,
+with a drop to the courtyard, and thus I stayed, for I feared that some
+soldier, more sober than the rest, might explore the outhouses and find
+me. I was watching this unearthly spectacle, and never, my best
+beloved, did I conceive that man could become lower than the beasts,
+but before my eyes it was so, when I noticed that the great gates at
+the southern end of the courtyard were opening. As they opened I saw
+that beyond them were drawn up a line of men. An officer gave an order,
+and two machine guns were placed in position in the gate entrance;
+round the guns lay their crews, and the seething mass of revellers saw
+nothing. I felt that a fearful tragedy was impending, and as I held my
+breath with anxiety the officer gave a short, sharp movement with his
+hand and a hideous rattle rose above all noises. The pandemonium that
+ensued was indescribable. Some ran helplessly into the burning house,
+others ran round and round in circles, others tried to get into the
+dairy; one man got upon its roof and fell back dead as soon as his head
+appeared above the outer wall. The place was surrounded. It was
+horrible. A few tried to rush for the gate, they melted away like snow
+before the sun, as their bodies met the pitiless stream of bullets. I
+suppose two hundred men were killed in as many seconds. The machine
+guns ceased fire. Ambulance parties came into the yard, collected the
+dead and living, and within half an hour there was not a soul save
+myself in the place. Discipline had received its oblation of men's
+lives.
+
+As an example, it was one of the most wonderful things I have ever
+known in your wonderful army, my Karl, but it was terrible--terribly
+cruel.
+
+I never knew what became of my mother, though I feel she is
+dead--murdered, perhaps, like my father and my darling Alex, or perhaps
+she hid somewhere in the house and remained petrified with terror till
+the flames came. Next morning I left my hiding-place and walked about.
+Not a German was to be seen, but in the wood was a huge newly-made
+grave. It was all open warfare then, and this flying column, which was
+miles in advance of the main body, had moved on. The house was a
+smoking mass of ruins, but the farm buildings had been spared, and I
+let out all the poor animals and turned them into the woods, so that
+they might have their chance.
+
+All day I searched for my father and brother, but not a sign was to be
+seen, and at dusk I stood alone, faint and broken, amongst the ruins of
+my ancestors' home. As I looked at this scene of desolation and I
+contrasted what had been my life twenty-four hours before and what it
+was then, something seemed to snap in my brain, and for the first time
+I cried. Oh! the blessed relief of those tears, my Karl, for I was a
+poor weak, helpless girl, and alone with death and bitterness all round
+me. Late that night I hid once more in my hay-loft and next morning I
+left Inkovano for ever. Before I left, I made a vow. It is because of
+this vow, my beloved, that I am to die. For I vowed by the body of our
+Saviour and the murdered bodies of my family that, whilst life was in
+me and the war was maintained, for so long would I work unceasingly for
+the Allies against Germany. As the war ran its fiery course, I have
+seen more and more that the Allies are the only ones who will do
+anything for Poland, my beloved country, so have I been strengthened in
+my vow.
+
+I struck south on my feet, as a poor girl--I, the daughter of a
+princely family of Poland! No hardships were too great for me, provided
+I could reach Allied territory. I travelled from village to village as
+a singing girl, and once I was driven away with stones by villagers set
+upon me by a fanatical priest. I came by Cracow, and across the
+Carpathians, helped to pass the lines by a Hungarian Lieutenant--but I
+tricked him of his reward; I was not ready for that sacrifice. Then
+across the Hungarian plains to Buda-Pesth, where I remained three weeks,
+singing in a third-rate cafe, to make some money for my next stage. But
+I had to leave too soon--the old story!--this time it was the
+proprietor's son. What beasts men are, my Karl! And yet to me you are
+above all other men, a prince amongst your fellows, and never did I
+love you so distractedly as that first night at the shooting-box, when
+I read the scorn in your eyes as you rejected me. I have no shame in
+telling you this. Am I not already in the grave? And then I must be
+silent and can only await your coming. After many struggles, wearisome
+to relate, I came to Hermanstadt, and there, whilst pushing my trade as
+a dancer, came into touch with a Hungarian band of smugglers, working
+across the mountain passes between Eastern Hungary and Roumania. I did
+certain work for these men, and in return crossed with them one bitter
+night in a thunderstorm into Roumania. At Bukharest I got a good
+engagement, and when I had saved a thousand marks, I bought a passport
+for five hundred, and came to Serbia, then staggering beneath the great
+Austrian offensive.
+
+Once again I was in the horrors of a retreat, but I escaped, reaching
+Valona, and crossed to Brindisi, by the aid of a French officer to whom
+I told my story and who believed me. His name is Pierre Lemansour, and
+he lives at Bordeaux.
+
+If fortune places him in your power, be kind to him, my Karl, for your
+Zoe's sake.
+
+I came to Rome; and thence to Paris. I stayed here three weeks, singing
+in a cabaret. Whilst here I tried to advance my plans in vain! What
+could I, a poor girl, do for the Allies? The Embassy laughed at me, all
+except one young attache who tried to make love to me.
+
+Then I thought of England--England, and her cold, hard islanders,
+phlegmatic in movements, slow to hate, slow to move, but once
+roused--ah! they never let go, these islanders!
+
+One of their poets has said: "The mills of God grind slowly, but they
+grind exceeding small."
+
+That, my Karl, is like England.
+
+They are your most terrible enemies, and you know it.
+
+Do not be angry with me when you read this.
+
+For me it is Poland, for you Germany.
+
+Where I am going in a few hours there is no Poland, no Germany, no
+England, no war. And perhaps, perhaps, no love.
+
+You and I, Karl, have loved, too well, perchance, but our love was
+above even the love of countries.
+
+God made the love of men and women, then men and women created their
+countries.
+
+I see the future before me, Karl, and I foresee that the struggle will
+be at the end of all things, between England and Germany. One will be
+in the dust.
+
+Thus, I crossed to England and was swallowed up in the great city of
+London. England has always had a corner of her calculating heart for
+the small nations, and in London there is a Polish organization. I
+applied there, and one day I was taken to the Foreign Office, and found
+myself alone with a great Englishman. His name was--No, I promised, and
+it will not matter to you, for though he gave me my chance, I have no
+love for him, and he will never be in your power. Even as I write these
+words, he has probably taken a list from a locked safe and neatly ruled
+a red line through the name Zoe Sbeiliez. I tell you they know
+everything, these Englishmen. I told him my story, and then he asked me
+whether I was prepared to do all things for the Allies. I told him I
+was. He then said that I could go as agent for a back area in Belgium,
+and my centre would be Bruges. I agreed, and asked him innocently
+enough how I was to live in Bruges. He looked up from his desk and
+said:
+
+"You will be given facilities to cross the Belgium-Holland frontier, as
+a German singer."
+
+"And then?" I asked.
+
+"You will go to Bruges and make friends with an Army officer; he must
+be high up on the staff."
+
+I guessed what he meant, but hoped against hope, and I said: "How?"
+
+I can still see his fish-like face, hair brushed back with scrupulous
+care, as without a shadow of emotion he looked up, puffed his pipe, and
+said in matter-of-fact tones:
+
+"You have a pretty face and an excellent figure. Need I say more?"
+
+I could have struck him in the face. I was speechless, my mind a whirl
+of conflicting emotions. I was roused by the level tones again.
+
+"Is it too much--for Poland?"
+
+Oh! the cunning of the man; he knew my weakness. Mechanically, I
+agreed. Certain details were settled, and he pressed a bell. Within
+five minutes I was walking back to my lodgings.
+
+Thanks to a marvellous organization, which your police will never
+discover, my Karl, within _three weeks_ I was singing on the Bruges
+music-hall stage, and accepted without question as being what I was
+not, a German artist from Dantzig. The men were soon round me, but I
+had no use for youngsters with money. I wanted a man with information.
+At last I found my man--the Colonel. He was on the Headquarters staff
+of the XIth Army, the army of occupation in Belgium, when I first met
+him. Subsequently he went back to regimental work; but by the time he
+was killed (and to realize what a release that meant for me, you would
+have had to have lived with him) I had established regular sources of
+information concerning which I will say no more. Let your country's
+agents find them if they can. This must I say for the Colonel: he was a
+brute and a drunkard, but in his own gross way he loved me, and he
+licked my boots at my desire, but I had to pay the price. You are a
+man, and with all your loving sympathy you can but dimly realize what
+this costs a woman. To me it was a dual sacrifice of honour and life,
+but it was for Poland, and the memories of my parents and Alex steeled
+me and strengthened my resolution, and so, and so, my Karl, I paid the
+price.
+
+My special work was on the military side, and consisted in making
+quarterly reports on the general dispositions of large bodies of
+troops, the massing of corps for spring offensives, and big pushes and
+hammer blows.
+
+Then you came into my life! When the Colonel used to go away it was my
+habit to mix in the demi-mondaine society of Bruges, to try and live a
+few hours in which I could forget--oh! don't think the worst! _That_
+sort of thing had no attraction for me. I didn't seek oblivion in that
+direction! I had never even kissed anyone in Bruges until I kissed you
+that first night we met at dinner--I was attracted to you from the very
+first; the Colonel was due back in a few days, and I suddenly felt mad,
+and kissed you. I suppose you put me down as one of the usual kind, out
+to sell myself at a price varying between a good dinner and the rent of
+a flat! You will now know that I had already mortgaged my body to
+Poland.
+
+Then a few days later you will remember we went down for that wonderful
+day in the forest, and for the first time, Karl, I began to see that I
+was really caring for you, and a faint realization of the dangers and
+impossibilities towards which we were drifting crossed my mind.
+
+Do you remember how silent I was on the drive back? In a fashion, my
+Karl, I could foresee dimly a little of what was going to happen. I had
+a presentiment that the end would be disaster, but I thrust the idea
+away from me. Then came the day, just before one of your trips--oh! the
+agony, my darling, of those days, each an age in length, when you were
+at sea--when you told me at the flat that you loved me.
+
+How I longed to throw my arms round your neck and abandon myself to
+your embraces, but I was still strong enough in those days to hold back
+for both our sakes.
+
+Each time we were together I loved you more and more, and each time
+when you had gone I seemed to see with clearer vision the fatal and
+inevitable ending.
+
+But I refused to give up the first real happiness that had been mine in
+my short and stormy life, and so I clung desperately to my idle dream.
+
+I prayed, I prayed for hours, Karl, that the war might end, for I felt
+that in this lay our only hope--but what are one woman's prayers, a
+sinful woman's prayers, to the Creator of all things, and the war
+ground on in its endless agony just as it does to-night--Karl! Karl!
+will this torture ever end?
+
+But I must hurry, there is still much to tell you, and Time goes on
+relentlessly just like the war; it is only life that ends. Then came
+the days I took you to the shooting-box for the first time, and that
+night I broke down and, unashamed, offered you myself. Think not too
+badly of your Zoe, my Karl; when a woman loves as I do, what is
+convention? A nothing, a straw on the waters of life. I wanted you for
+my own, passionately and desperately, for I feared that any moment the
+end might come, and to die without having felt your arms around me
+would have added a thousand tortures to death. Though I could have
+welcomed death with joy when I saw the look of sorrowful contempt which
+you cast upon me that night. Heavens above! but you were strong, my
+Karl. I am not ugly, and yet you resisted, and I hated and loved you at
+the same time--oh! I know that sounds impossible, but it isn't for a
+woman. I slept little that night and, feeling that I could not look you
+in the face in the morning, I left for Bruges before you got up.
+
+I felt that I could trust you not to try and find out the secret of the
+shooting-box.
+
+What a relief it is to be able to tell you everything frankly, and how
+I hated the perpetual game of deception which I had to play.
+
+I used to rack my brains for answers to your perpetual question, "Why
+won't you marry me?" It was a desperate risk taking you down to the
+forest, but you loved me so much that you never questioned the reasons
+I gave you for my secrecy. I can tell you now, Karl, that in the early
+days when I used to disappear from Bruges, it was to the shooting-box
+that I went.
+
+But I will write more of that later.
+
+Did you suffer the same agony as I did before you left for Kiel, and
+your pride would not allow you to come to me? You understand now, my
+darling, why I could never marry you, and when the Colonel was killed
+it became harder than ever. Once during that terrible interview before
+you went up the Russian coast, I nearly gave way and promised to marry
+you. But how could I? I had sworn my vow, and even to-night, though I
+stand in the shadow of death, I do not regret my vow.
+
+It is inconceivable that I could have married you and carried on my
+work--a spy on my husband's country--and if I ever thought of trying to
+do this impossible thing, a vision which has partially come true always
+restrained me.
+
+I saw a submarine officer disgraced and perhaps sentenced to death,
+because his wife had been convicted as a spy!
+
+No! it was impossible.
+
+But if I could not marry you, I still wanted your love.
+
+Then you went up the Russian coast, and I heard of your return in a
+submarine terribly wrecked. I guessed what you must have gone through,
+and determined to see you, but when I entered your room and saw you
+lying open-eyed on your bed, with no one but a clumsy soldier to nurse
+you, I could have wept. You know the rest; you can perhaps hardly
+remember how I led you to my car and took you down to the forest. Oh,
+Karl, are you angry with me for what happened? Do you sometimes think
+that I took an unfair advantage of your weakness? Please! Please
+forgive me, you were so helpless, and I loved you so.
+
+Then came those unforgettable weeks whilst your boat was being
+repaired, weeks which opened to me the door of the paradise I was never
+to enter. Oh! Karl, I pray that all those memories may remain sweet and
+unclouded all your life. Think of those days when you think of your
+Zoe. Alas! they came to an end too soon, and you left for the Atlantic.
+When you came back all was over; I had been caught at last.
+
+The evidence at the trial was clear enough. I have no complaints. I was
+fairly caught. You remember the big open space in front of the
+shooting-box? I do not mind saying now that five times have I been
+taken up from there in an English aeroplane, and landed there again
+after two days. Each time I took over a full report on military
+affairs. Not a word of naval news, my Karl; you will remember I never
+tried to find out U-boat information. I even warned you to be cautious.
+Well, they caught me as I landed; the English boy who had flown me back
+tried hard to save me, but it only cost him his own life.
+
+My first thought was of you, and there is not a jot of evidence against
+you, save only your friendship for me. Remember this fact, if they
+persecute you. Admit nothing, believe nothing they tell you, deny
+everything; they have no evidence; but they are certain to try and trap
+you.
+
+It was noble of you, Karl, to engage Monsieur Labordin in my defence,
+but it was useless and may do you harm.
+
+I also know of your efforts with the Governor. I hoped nothing from
+him, but what you did has made me ready to die; I tremble lest you are
+compromised.
+
+If only I could feel absolutely certain that I have not dragged you
+down in my ruin I should face the rifles with a smile.
+
+For my sake be careful, Karl.
+
+When it is all over, cause a few little flowers to cover my
+resting-place, if this is permitted for a spy. Order them, do not place
+them yourself; you _must not_ be compromised.
+
+I have told my story, and the end is very near. What else is there to
+say?
+
+Mere words are empty husks when I try to express my thoughts of you.
+
+Do not sorrow for your Zoe, to whom you have given such happiness.
+
+I am not afraid to die and cross into the unknown, which, however
+terrible it is, cannot be much worse than this awful war.
+
+Karl! Karl! how I long to kiss you and feel your strong arms crushing
+the breath from this body of mine which has caused so much sorrow.
+
+Oh, Mother Mary, support me in this hour of trial.
+
+I cannot leave you!
+
+May the Saints guard you and keep you through all the perils of war,
+and grant that we meet again in the perfect peace of eternity.
+
+For ever, Your devoted and adoring ZOE.
+
+
+
+
+_Karl's Diary resumed._
+
+
+She is dead!
+
+They have killed her, my Zoe, my adorable darling, and I am still
+alive--under close arrest. Perhaps they will shoot me too, in their
+insatiable thirst for blood. Oh! if they would! Perhaps, my Zoe, if I
+could only die and leave this useless world behind, I might find you in
+the mysterious regions where your spirit now dwells.
+
+Oh! is it well with you, Zoe? Give me a sign--a little sign--that all
+is well. I have knelt in prayer and asked for a sign, but nothing
+comes--all is a blank, forbidding and mysterious. Is God angry with us,
+my Zoe, that we sinned before Him? Surely, surely He understands. He
+must have mercy on me if He is going to make me go on living. If this
+is my punishment, I can bear it; I will live without you happily if
+only I may know that all is well with you.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Your letter, Zoe! Can you read these words as I write; can you sense my
+thoughts? Speak! Ah! I thought I heard your voice, and it was only the
+laughter of a woman in the street. Your letter has filled me with joy
+and sorrow. I read and re-read the wonderful words in which you say you
+loved me from the beginning, but when you plead that I shall not turn
+in loathing from your memory--with these words you smash me to the
+ground.
+
+Most glorious woman, I never loved you so well and so passionately as
+the day you stood at the trial, ringed round with the wolves, the
+clever lawyers, the stolid witnesses, the ponderous books, the cynical
+air of religious solemnity with which the machinery of the law thinly
+cloaks its lust for blood--for a life.
+
+Even when my ears heard the sentence, I could not believe it would be
+carried out. The firing party, the chair, the bandage. Oh, God! spare
+me these awful thoughts. To think of your breasts lacerated by
+the----Oh! this is unendurable! Stop, madman that I am!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am calmer now; I have read your letter again and rescued the journal
+from the grate into which I flung it.
+
+The fire was out; I am not sorry; my journal is all I have left, and in
+its pages are enshrined small, feeble word-pictures of paradise on
+earth. To read them is to catch an echo of the music we both loved so
+well. Music! you were all music to me, my Zoe. Your voice, your
+movements, your caresses all seemed to me to speak of music.
+
+I ask myself, I shall always ask myself until the last hour, whether
+all that could be done to save you was done. I tried to telegraph to
+the Kaiser for you, Zoe, but the wire never got further than Bruges
+post office; they stopped it, and put me under arrest. It was only open
+arrest, my darling, and on that last awful night I forced them to let
+me see the Governor. I, Karl Von Schenk, knelt at his feet and begged
+for your life. He simply said, "You are mad." I left the Palace under
+close arrest.
+
+Was ever woman's nobleness of character so exemplified as in your life?
+Be comforted, Zoe, that in all my black sorrow I cling desperately to
+my pride in your strength. I long to shout abroad what you did and why
+you would never marry me, to tell all the gaping world that when you
+died a martyr to duty was killed. I am so unworthy of what you did for
+me, my darling, and it tortures me with mental rendings to think that
+whilst I prided myself in my strength of mind, I was dragging you
+through the fires of hell. When I think of those six weeks we had
+together, my brain says, "And they might have been months had you not
+spurned her in the forest."
+
+Oh, Zoe! if the priests say truth and all things are now revealed to
+you, forgive me for this act of mine. Come to me in spirit and give me
+mental peace.
+
+[Illustration: "...when there was a blinding flash and the air
+seemed filled with moaning fragments."]
+
+[Illustration: "When I put up my periscope at 9 a.m. the horizon seemed
+to be ringed with patrols."]
+
+As I write like this, as if it was a letter that you might read, I am
+comforted a little; I rely utterly on the hope, which I struggle to
+change into belief, that you can read this and know my thoughts.
+
+For when I think that had things been otherwise you might have been
+leaning over my chair at this moment, and running your cool fingers
+through my stiff hair; when I think of this, my darling, the full
+realization comes to me of the gulf which must divide us for some
+uncertain period, and the lines of this page run mistily before my
+eyes.
+
+Zoe, my Zoe, strange things have happened in this war; wives declare
+they have seen their husbands, mothers have felt the presence of their
+sons; if the powers permit, come to me once again, I implore you, and
+give me strength to live my life alone.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+Examined before the Court of Inquiry to-day. Fools! can't they realize
+that I don't care if they do shoot me?
+
+In the Mess, people avoid me. What do I care? Not one of them is worthy
+to stand on the same soil that holds her beloved body. They have buried
+her in the Castle grounds. In accordance with her wishes, I have
+arranged for flowers. Perhaps one day when all this is over I may be
+able to live here and tend the place where she sleeps, free at last
+from all her cares.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At the Court of Inquiry they tried to cross-examine me on our life
+together. Dolts! what do they aim at proving? That I loved you? I
+hardly listened. When they finished the evidence, the President asked
+me if I had anything to say! Anything to say! I felt like telling them
+they were cogs in the most monstrous machine for manufacturing sorrow
+and destruction that mankind had ever devised. I could have shaken my
+fist in their solemn faces and shouted "Beasts! you murdered her! You
+destroyed that most wonderful woman who lowered herself to love me."
+
+Actually there was a long silence, and then the Vice-President, Captain
+Fruhlingsohn, said, "Speak; we wish you well."
+
+It was the first touch of sympathy, the only sign of humanity I had
+received in all these awful days, and it touched my stubborn heart and
+the longed-for tears flowed at last.
+
+I murmured: "Gentlemen, I am no traitor; but I loved her as my own
+soul."
+
+"Dissolve the Court. Remove the prisoner." Like the clash of iron
+gates, officialdom came into its own again.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+So I am not to be shot! Not even imprisoned! "Don't fall in love with
+enemy agents again!"--that summarized their verdict.
+
+Ha! Ha! Ha! It is all horribly funny. The real reason is that they need
+me. I am a trained and skilful slaughterer on the seas; I am an
+essential part of the great machine. And they haven't got any spares! I
+was in the Mess yesterday when the English papers we get from Amsterdam
+arrived. Oh! a pretty surprise awaited the first man who opened _The
+Times_. These English had published the names of 150 U-boat commanders
+they had caught. There they all were. Christian names and all complete.
+The only thing missing was a blank space in which to fill in our names
+when the time comes.
+
+Dinner was a silent meal last night, and next morning some rat of a
+Belgian had posted the list on the gatepost of the Mess. The machine
+has offered five hundred marks for his apprehension--how foolish; as if
+by shooting him they would take any names off the long list.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am to sail at dawn tomorrow. I shall not be sorry to get away for a
+space from this place with its mingled memories of delight and death.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Back again, and I haven't written a word for three weeks.
+
+My billet last trip was off Finisterre. I sighted two convoys, but
+there were destroyers there; they are so black and swift I don't go
+near them.
+
+I don't want to die in a U-boat. It's not worth while. It is easy to
+avoid these convoys. I dive and make a great fuss of attacking, then I
+steer divergently. Nobody knows where the enemy is except me; I am the
+only one who looks through the periscope--I take good care of that. And
+then how I curse and swear when I announce that the convoy has altered
+course, and there is no chance of getting in to attack. None of them
+are so disappointed as I am!
+
+The mines get on my nerves, there is no way of dodging them, and Lord!
+how they sprout on the Flanders coast.
+
+I am to go out in six days. It is very little rest. I believe they want
+to kill me. But I won't die! Not I.
+
+I went to her grave yesterday for the first time. I had thought I
+should weep, but I did not; in fact it left me quite unmoved. I feel
+she's not really dead; she comes to me sometimes, always at night when
+I am alone and when we are at sea. There's nothing very tangible, but I
+catch an echo of her voice in the surge of the sea along the casing, or
+the sound of the breeze as it plays along the aerial. And so I will not
+die until she calls me, for up to the present her messages have told me
+to live and endure.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+A very awkward incident took place last night. We were off the Naze and
+saw a steamer some distance away.
+
+We dived to attack. When we were about a mile away I had a look at her,
+and something about her put me off. I half thought she was a decoy
+ship, and I privately determined I would not attack. I steered a course
+which brought me well on her quarter, and as soon as I saw that it was
+impossible to get into position to fire I increased speed on the
+engines and shook the whole boat in efforts which were ostensibly
+directed to getting her into position. At length I eased speed and
+bitterly exclaimed that my luck was out.
+
+The First Lieutenant suggested that we should give her gunfire, but I
+pointed out that I had good reason to suspect her of being a wolf in
+sheep's clothing, and as he had not seen her he could hardly question
+my judgment. I was going forward, when I accidentally overheard the
+Navigator and the Engineer talking in the wardroom. I listened.
+
+The Engineer said: "The Captain doesn't seem to have the luck he used
+to command."
+
+"Or else he has lost skill!" replied Ebert. "We never fired a torpedo
+at all last trip, and it looks as if we are following that precedent
+this time."
+
+I had heard enough, and, without their realizing my presence, I
+returned to the control room. I considered the situation, and came to
+the conclusion that they suspected nothing, but it was evident that
+their minds were running on lines of thought which might be dangerous.
+I looked at my watch and saw that there was still two hours of daylight
+left, and then decided to play a trick on them all. I relieved the
+First Lieutenant at the periscope, and when a decent interval of about
+half an hour had elapsed I saw a ship. This vessel of my imagination, a
+veritable Flying Dutchman in fact, I proceeded to attack, and, after
+about twenty minutes of frequent alterations of speed and course, I
+electrified the boat by bringing the bow tubes to the ready.
+
+The usual delay was most artistically arranged, and then I fired. With
+secret amusement I watched the two expensive weapons of war rushing
+along, but destined to sink ingloriously in the ocean, instead of
+burying themselves in the vitals of a ship. An oath from myself and an
+order to take the boat to twenty metres.
+
+With gloomy countenance I curtly remarked: "The port torpedo broke
+surface and then dived underneath her, the starboard one missed
+astern."
+
+So far all had gone well, but ten minutes later I nearly made a fatal
+error. We had been diving for several hours, the atmosphere was bad,
+and as it was dusk I decided to come up, ventilate, and put a charge on
+the batteries. I gave the necessary orders, and was on my way up the
+conning tower to open the outer hatch. The coxswain had just announced
+that the boat was on the surface, when a terrible thought paralysed me,
+and I clung helplessly to the ladder trying to think out the situation.
+
+It had just occurred to me that as soon as the officers and crew came
+on deck they would naturally look for the steamer we had recently fired
+at; this ship in the time interval which had elapsed would still be in
+sight.
+
+As I came down, the First Lieutenant was at the periscope, looking
+round the horizon. Quickly I thrust the youth from the eyepiece, and,
+as calmly as I could, said: "I thought I heard propellers."
+
+Half an hour later we surfaced for the night. I have been wondering
+ever since whether they suspect, for the three of them were talking in
+the wardroom after dinner and stopped suddenly when I came in.
+
+I must be careful in future.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I was sent for this morning by the Commodore's office, and handed my
+appointment as Senior Lieutenant at the barracks Wilhelmshafen.
+
+No explanation, though I suspected something of the sort was coming, as
+three days after we got in from my last trip I was examined by the
+medical board attached to the flotilla.
+
+So I am to leave the U-boat service, and leave it under a cloud! It is
+a sad come-down from Captain of a U-boat to Lieutenant in barracks, a
+job reserved for the medically unfit for sea service.
+
+Am I sorry? No, I think I am glad. Life here at Bruges is one long
+painful episode. No one speaks to me in the Mess. I am left severely
+alone with my memories. The night before last I found a revolver in my
+room, and attached to it was a piece of paper bearing the words: "From
+a friend."
+
+Perhaps at Wilhelmshafen it will be different, and yet, when I went
+down to the boat at noon and collected my personal affairs and stepped
+over her side for the last time, I could not check a feeling of great
+sadness. We had endured much together, my boat and I, and the parting
+was hard.
+
+
+
+
+ _At Barracks_.
+
+
+As I suspected when I was appointed here, my job is deadly to a degree,
+and my main duty is to sign leave passes.
+
+Our great effort in France has failed, and now the Allies react
+furiously. The great war machine is strained to its utmost capacity;
+can it endure the load?
+
+Our proper move is to paralyse the Allied offensive by striking with
+all our naval weight at his cross-channel communications. The U-boat
+war is too slow, and time is not on our side, whilst a hammer blow down
+the Channel might do great things. But we have no naval imagination,
+and who am I, that I should advance an opinion?
+
+A discredited Lieutenant in barracks--that's all.
+
+Worse and worse--there are rumours of troubles in the Fleet taking
+place under certain conditions.
+
+It is the beginning of the end!
+
+Last night the High Seas Fleet were ordered to weigh at 8 a.m. this
+morning.
+
+A mutiny broke out in the _Koenig_ and quickly spread.
+
+By 9 a.m. half a dozen ships were flying the red flag, and to-day
+Wilhelmshafen is being administered by the Council of Soldiers and
+Sailors.
+
+There has been little disorder; the men have been unanimous in
+declaring that they would not go to sea for a last useless massacre, a
+last oblation on the bloodstained altars of war.
+
+Can they be blamed? Of what use would such sacrifice be?
+
+Yet to an officer it is all very sad and disheartening.
+
+I have seen enough to sicken me of the whole German system of making
+war, and yet if the call came I know I would gladly go forth and die
+when _tout est perdu fors l'honneur_.
+
+Such instincts are bred deep into the men of families such as mine.
+
+We approach the culmination of events. To-day Germany has called for an
+armistice. It has been inevitable since our Allies began falling away
+from us like rotten print.
+
+The terms will doubtless be hard.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Heavens above! but the terms are crushing!
+
+All the U-boats to be surrendered, the High Seas Fleet interned; why
+not say "surrendered" straight out, it will come to that, unless we
+blow them up in German ports.
+
+The end of Kaiserdom has come; we are virtually a republic; it is all
+like a dream.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We have signed, and the last shot of the world-war has been fired.
+
+Here everything is confusion; the saner elements are trying to keep
+order, the roughs are going round the dockyard and ships, looting
+freely.
+
+"Better we should steal them than the English," and "There is no
+Government, so all is free," are two of their cries.
+
+There has been a little shooting in the streets, and it is not safe for
+officers to move about in uniform, though, on the whole, I have
+experienced little difficulty.
+
+I was summoned to-day before the Local Council, which is run by a man
+who was a Petty Officer of signals in the _Koenig_. He recognized me and
+looked away.
+
+I was instructed to take U.122 over to Harwich for surrender to the
+English.
+
+I made no difficulty; some one has got to do it, and I verily believe I
+am indifferent to all emotions.
+
+We sail in convoy on the day after tomorrow; that is to say, if the
+crew condescend to fuel the boat in time. Three looters were executed
+to-day in the dockyard and this has had a steadying effect on the worst
+elements.
+
+       *       *       *       *      *
+
+I went on board 122 to-day, and on showing my authority which was
+signed by the Council (which has now become the Council of Soldiers,
+Sailors and Workmen), the crew of the boat held a meeting at which I
+was not invited to be present.
+
+At its conclusion the coxswain came up to me and informed me that a
+resolution had been carried by seventeen votes to ten, to the effect
+that I was to be obeyed as Captain of the boat.
+
+I begged him to convey to the crew my gratification, and expressed the
+hope that I should give satisfaction.
+
+I am afraid the sarcasm was quite lost on them.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+We are within sixty miles of Harwich and I expect to sight the English
+cruisers any moment.
+
+I wrote some days ago that I was incapable of any emotion.
+
+I was wrong, as I have been so often during the last two years.
+
+In fact, I have come to the conclusion that I am no psychologist--I
+don't believe we Germans are any good at psychology, and that's the
+root reason why we've failed.
+
+I do feel emotion--it's terrible; the shame--the humiliation is
+unbearable.
+
+I wonder how the English will behave? What a day of triumph for them.
+
+The signalman has just come down and reported British cruisers right
+ahead; it will soon be over. I must go up on deck and exercise my
+functions as elected Captain of U.122, and representative of Germany in
+defeat. One last effort is demanded, and then----
+
+
+
+
+_NOTE_
+
+
+_This is the last sentence in the diary. It is probable that he suddenly
+had to hurry on deck and in the subsequent confusion forgot to rescue
+his diary from the locker in which he had thrust it_.
+
+ETIENNE.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Diary of a U-Boat Commander, by Anonymous
+
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