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diff --git a/78836-0.txt b/78836-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..60ee9fb --- /dev/null +++ b/78836-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14869 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78836 *** + + + + + + + AWAKENING + + A STUDY IN POSSIBILITIES + + + BY + + MAUD DIVER + + + + "To hold by leaving; to take by letting go, + Leaving and again leaving, and ever leaving go of the + surface of things; + So taking the heart of them along with us-- + This is the law." + EDWARD CARPENTER + + + + NEW YORK + DODD, MEAD & COMPANY + 1922 + + + + + COPYRIGHT, 1911, BY + DODD, MEAD & COMPANY + + PRINTED IN U.S.A. + + + + + TO YOU + + Who have always sympathized, + Always believed, always understood, + I dedicate this book. + + M. D. + + + "There is a collaboration loftier and more real than + that of pen. It is the collaboration of thought and + example."--MAETERLINCK. + + + + + BY THE SAME AUTHOR + + CAPTAIN DESMOND, V.C. + THE GREAT AMULET + CANDLES IN THE WIND + + + + +CONTENTS + +BOOK I. THE SEED + +BOOK II. THE BLOSSOMING + +BOOK III. THE FRUIT + + + + +BOOK I + +THE SEED + + + +AWAKENING + + + +CHAPTER I + + "I stay my haste, I make delays, + For what avails the eager pace? + I stand amid eternal ways-- + And what is mine shall know my face." + BURROUGHS. + + +"Where on earth did she spring from? And who, in the name of all +that's exquisite, can she be?" + +Nevil Sinclair asked himself the question, with quite a keen touch of +curiosity, as he sat idly smoking under the araucarias that front the +Cap d'Antibes Hotel. A slim, clean-cut figure of a man, with long +sensitive hands, a mobile face, and thoughtful eyes where a smile +lurked always like a beam of light. He looked round in search of +information. But no one was at hand to enlighten him, and his gaze +reverted to the vision on the corner balcony; a vision unusual as it +was arresting to an artist's eye and brain. + +The olive skin faintly aglow, the velvet darkness of eyes that +brooded upon sky and sea, were framed in a gold-bordered _sari_, pale +as an evening primrose, that half veiled without hiding the sweet +seriousness of the girl's face. These, and her aloofness from the +chattering tea-drinkers in the verandah below, conspired to give her +an alluring air of unreality; and her purely Eastern stillness, in +that temple of unrest, a Riviera hotel, enhanced the effect. + +Sinclair had leisure to approve the delicate curves of brow and cheek +and nostril, the slender symmetry of the hand and arm resting on the +balcony's ledge, the classic poise and outline of the veiled head. +For all the gravity of her eyes, a hint of passion in the ripe lower +lip, and of wilfulness in the round chin that matched it, promised +just those varying elements of light and shade that would some day +make her all a woman. At present she seemed little more than a sheaf +of possibilities; a bud half open awaiting the strong kiss of the +sun. And behind her loomed the wide, white façade of the Hotel du +Cap, uncompromisingly square and solid; as it were the House of Life +with its hundred rooms, and hundred complications, old as the sea, +yet eternally changeful as the myriad waves thereof. + +Sinclair had dallied with love in more than one form, even as he had +dallied with art and life; reaching the core of none. But art had +lured him farthest; and he saw this child of an alien race rather as +a possible picture than a possible woman. Her absorption tempted +him: so also did the sketch-book on his knee. He opened it, and +paused--looking upward. The thrill of inspiration was on him: a +visitation too rare, too imperative to be ignored. There was also +the insidious joy of yielding to temptation. Out came the pencil, +and he went swiftly and skilfully to work. Naturally she moved the +moment stillness was essential. But it was only to set an open book +upon the ledge and give him an instant's fuller vision of her face. +Then, her cheek lightly resting on her hand, she fell into a pose +more lasting, more enchanting than before. + +"Ye gods! I'm in luck!" the Englishman muttered; and worked on. + +Slowly the sun dipped behind the araucarias and the lofty blue gums, +with their slender, listless leaves. Slowly the shadows engulfed the +gravel path. The militant snortings and puffings of motors, that +bore away chance visitors, sounded faint and fainter in the deepening +quiet, and the chatter of tea-drinkers was hushed. Those that were +not chance visitors took unto themselves books, work-bags, shawls, +and strolled down the wide, tree-bordered road to the coast line of +tumbled rock that gleamed, grey-white, against the blue enchantment +of the Mediterranean. The Princess from the Arabian Nights watched +them, as they went, with eyes that questioned and wondered and +dreamed. Then she reverted to her book; and Sinclair to his sketch. + +Slight though it was, instinct told him that--in years of promising +and even distinguished amateur work--he had never come so near to +"the real thing." Be she Princess or Peri, by some means he must get +speech of her, and win leave to convert his sketch into the +picture--long dreamed of yet never achieved--that should prove him +indisputably an artist, and bring home to the father, who would fain +have him a politician, the futility of trying to force a square peg +into a round hole. + +He had left England mainly to escape a political "gathering," +organized for his benefit at the country house of an elder sister. +Lady Roscoe, wife and daughter of politicians, lived and moved and +had her being in the strenuous atmosphere of party politics. "More +party than politics," Nevil averred--but not in her hearing. Like +her father, she could appraise pictures, books, music intelligently +enough; could even enjoy them in the rare moments when she was +socially and politically "off-duty." And, like her father, she had a +tendency to scorn the creators of these superfluous delights. It was +a case of "music and pictures must needs come. But woe unto him +through whom they come." Authors she could condone, provided they +were not poets and had achieved material success. Journalists she +almost venerated. Without them where would be the newspapers that +were her daily bread? Such were her views in regard to ordinary +mortals. But that a Sinclair, and an eldest son to boot, should +associate himself professionally with anything of the kind was an +innovation against which she set her typically Sinclair face like a +rock. + +The Sinclair men--and a distinguished line of them stretched backward +through a score of generations--had so far been singularly free from +such vagrant impulses. But family traditions, however sacrosanct, +are lamentably at the mercy of individual impulse; and a woman of +poetic temperament had cast her spell upon Nevil's father, the +present Sir George, luring him from sage consideration of Sinclairs +to come. Such, at least, was Lady Roscoe's version of the matter. +Any other had seemed to impugn the wisdom of the man in whose image +she herself was made. She preferred to shift the burden of +responsibility on to Lady Sinclair, who had been gone long enough to +be exempted from the kindly fiction that the dead can do no wrong. + +Yet wrong or no, she had seriously inconvenienced the house of +Sinclair by bestowing her own name and nature upon the first man +child she had gotten from the Lord. On him, too, she had expended +her repressed genius for devotion--as little understanded of her +husband as any other form of genius. For nine years the boy had been +hers, body and soul, and in those years the man was made. Not all +the after influences of school and life could efface the stamp of her +personality on the child she had so loved. But Nevil had a streak of +Sinclair in him also. Hence complications. Fondness for his father +and dominant elder sister made him shrink from disappointing them; +while he shrank, yet more, from the path worked out for him by +tradition, and by ambitions that were not his own. + +So it came about that Lady Roscoe's letter of a week ago, hinting at +a house-party that might prove profitable in view of the General +Election looming ahead, had spurred her refractory brother in quite +the wrong direction. Scenting fresh schemes for his political +salvation, he had wired straightway for his favourite room in the Cap +Hotel, and had fled to the South of France, on the wings of an +express, to paint Antibes sunsets, and possibly Italian fishermen; +and, if the Muse were kind, add a few poems to the small volume he +had in hand. The kindness of the Muse had taken a form quite other +than he sought; for the which he blessed her fervently, while the +sketch grew under his hand and inspiration fluttered nebulous wings +in his brain. + +"By Gad--it's not half bad!" he muttered, surveying it at length, +with a rare glow of satisfaction. "Martino shall see it--to-morrow." + +Then, from the tail of his eye, he discerned a slim grey figure at +the foot of the wide steps; he looked round, started, and sprang up, +hastily pocketing his treasure. The girl in grey started and +quickened her pace. But she was not of the type that scurries. She +merely took a longer stride that accentuated her boyish straightness +and suppleness of limb. + +Sinclair greeted her impulsively. "Why, Miss Hammond! You back +again, too, at the dear old 'Cap'? What luck!" + +She smiled upon him frankly with clear eyes, almost as grey as her +dress, and, being observant, he noticed that her hand had grown +harder to the touch since he held it last. + +"It used not to be 'Miss Hammond' in the old days," she said as they +sat down. "I am still Audrey--to my friends." + +"Audrey, then--by all means! I didn't dare, at first sight. We have +grown up so aggressively since then. And you've been doing great +things in India, I suppose--doctoring, riding, dancing?" + +"Not a great deal of the last," she answered cheerfully. "As a rule, +I felt too done up by the evening. Hyderabad isn't exactly bracing; +and my life out there was a very full one." + +"Ah!"--a shadow of envy lurked in his tone. "And mine, at home, has +been quite the reverse. I often thought of you, and your progressive +schemes, and wondered whether doctoring zenana ladies had modified +your advanced views on the Woman Question, or whether you had fired +them with a craving for the Suffrage--or its Eastern equivalent!" + +Audrey Hammond laughed outright. "How little you know of me or of +them, poor dears, to imagine either! My own views have not retreated +one inch; and as for them--well, I did more than doctor them. I +taught a few, and helped--in other ways, when the chance offered. +Rather like trying to alter a coast line by shifting pebbles on the +shore. Still--one may have done _some_ good; let a little light into +their custom-ridden souls. But I won't tax your good-nature by +boring you with such things----" + +"Which means that they are too sacred to be discussed with a mere +man; even an old friend who has come within sight of the thirtieth +milestone since we lazed and argued on this enchanted headland four +years ago." + +"And has not yet achieved a seat in Parliament, or a picture on the +line?" she queried, slipping past the point at issue with the +self-possessed ease of her type. + +"Neither," said he, and opened his silver cigarette case as one in +search of consolation. "The good old man at home is still hopeful. +Jane, the indefatigable, will not suffer the temples of her head to +take any rest till she has cajoled me into swallowing the gilded +political pill. But the failure of the family remains where you left +him----" He paused to light his cigarette, and the girl scanned his +well-remembered face and figure with kindly critical eyes, that, like +her hands, were a trifle too hard for her years. + +Her silence was more pregnant than speech; and he looked up again +quickly with a disarming smile. + +"You disapprove, of course. We never did agree about things, did we? +Which was just why we couldn't resist discussing them! I'm not +'indifferent to my country's welfare,' as Jane assures me in her most +parliamentary voice. The larger issues interest me enormously. But +minor details of legislation weary me to death; and I confess I feel +no serious call to take an active part in 'the savage wars of peace' +that can be waged very effectually without my luke-warm assistance!" + +She smiled in spite of disapproval. + +"Have you ever in all these years felt a serious call of any kind?" + +"Frankly, I can't say I have," he confessed without shame; the +twinkle deepening in his eyes. "Too many-sided, perhaps; or too +little call to exert myself. That's the curse of the ready-made +income, plus family records! But I've not been altogether idle while +you tried to hustle the East. I've written a fair sheaf of essays +and verses; painted a few decent pictures, read widely and knocked +round Europe with my eyes open----" + +She waved aside his list of mild "achievements." + +"Mere dilettantism! In a world full of work worth doing, and wrongs +crying out to be set right!" + +"Hear, hear!" he applauded, with his most imperturbable smile. +"Spoken like the 'Minerva' of old times! Study the 'Apology for +Idlers,' Audrey. That's my credo--if I have one. After all, there +must be a few of us, if only to keep the balance of things. And +since a million or so of women have waxed strenuous or nothing, what +can the superfluous male do but sit mutely admiring and look on!" + +"A rôle for which he gets finely trained at school--watching cricket +and football!" she retorted with a touch of heat. + +"Yet even there I seem to remember that now and then he gets out into +the field and kicks or slogs the ball to good purpose. Some day, +even I may get out into the field too, when I really discover a ball +worth kicking, or a game worth playing." + +"You call yourself an artist and talk so----" + +"Pardon me. I call myself a double-distilled amateur." + +"Oh--you are as exasperating as ever!--I mean--you care for your art. +At least--I thought----" + +"So did I, worse luck! But the Fates must have quarrelled badly when +I was born, so that all my threads came out tangled. And they had +not even the grace to endow me with a gift for unravelling tangles; +or with enough selfishness to go my own way in spite of my dear old +father's prejudices. For him, my art is 'futile piffle'; a +decorative hobby that has helped to keep me out of mischief--or so he +believes. For me, it is the one thing on earth that might have been +worth doing; would have been if--if my mother had lived----" + +She turned on him--rebellious and decisive. + +"Don't be weak-minded and shift the responsibility. If it would have +been, it _is_, still." + +"You forgot the long apprenticeship, the great gulf that divides the +artist from the amateur. If my spell in the _Quartier Latin_ taught +me nothing else, it taught me that." + +"You could go there again--why not?" + +"Oh, for a score of reasons. And I'm almost too old for it now. +Every idle year that slips by puts achievement farther out of reach. +Inspiration grows rarer. Which reminds me--you interrupted one just +now." And he glanced towards the balcony, fearful lest his vision +had fled. + +No. She had merely deserted her book, and leaned over the parapet +watching them with absorbed eyes. Then, as Audrey Hammond looked up +also, she smiled and waved her hand. + +"You know her?" Nevil cried eagerly, and Miss Hammond's brows went up +ever so little. + +"Certainly, I know her. I am more than half responsible for her +being here. And was she responsible--for the inspiration?" + +A faint change of tone checked the artist's impulse to produce his +work; and he merely answered: "Yes. I was trying to make a sketch of +her when you came up." + +Miss Hammond frowned. "That was a mistake. I am glad I interrupted. +They would hate the idea." + +"And who are they?" + +"She and her father--a high-caste, cultivated Hindu gentleman. I +came home with them." + +"But when did you arrive? That should have been my first question! +Just like us to plunge headlong into an argument without playing How, +When, and Where? I never saw you at dinner last night." + +"No. We are wealthy and exclusive! We have private rooms and feed +upstairs. The daughter is the one tangible, practical result of my +three years' crusade. She has been plucky enough to break through +the hampering laws of purdah and caste; and is still rather shy and +bewildered with it all. But at least she is here, studying medicine, +under my guidance--for the present." + +"Studying medicine! That beautiful child----" + +The masculine implication annoyed her. + +"Well, why not? Because she is beautiful, or because she is a child?" + +"Oh, a little of both. Of course, I am an ignoramus about such +matters, and you're quite the reverse, only----" He glanced again at +the embryo student of medicine. His vague recoil from the idea did +not readily phrase itself under the quiet challenge of Audrey's grey +eyes. + +"What is the rest of the programme?" he ended lamely. "The final +goal in view?" + +"You are really interested?" + +"Immensely. Catholic tastes breed catholic interests. Call it +dilettantism if you choose. Well?" + +"My hope is, of course, that when I have put her in the way of +things, she will go to college and take a degree. Then she will go +back to India--and move mountains! Her loss of caste can be restored +by ceremonies of purification; and she will do greater things for her +self-restricted sisters in a few years than I could do in a lifetime. +The more one sees of Indian life behind the scenes, the more one +realizes that the ideals and aspirations of the West can only be +instilled into Easterns _by_ Easterns--not by foreigners. One can +only hope to make some impression on units, and trust them to carry +on the larger work." + +A rare glow of enthusiasm transfigured her face; she looked almost +beautiful. Nevil, though still unconvinced, felt a sudden pang of +envy. This was the quality he lacked; this, and the invisible +assurance that vibrated in her voice. + +At that moment the Princess, who would be a doctor, left the balcony. +Both followed her with their eyes. Then Nevil spoke. + +"And has she caught fire from your zeal?" he asked half anxiously. + +"Only in part, so far. But once her foot is on the ladder, that will +come. It was her own wish, and I believe she will carry it through. +They have a fund of character and courage that would surprise +you--those gentle, dreamy-looking Indian girls who have seen nothing +of life outside their own walls. But I must go up now. Lilamani may +be wanting me." + +"Lila--how much?" + +"Lee-la-mun-nee," Audrey said slowly; and he, repeating it after her: +"Was there ever a more musical name? The lilt and the rhythm of it. +I hope it has a meaning to match." + +"I don't know about matching! _Mani_ is jewel, and _lila_ Sanskrit +for delight." + +"Jewel of Delight," he mused aloud; and she, with her practical +briskness: + +"Yes. Rather too fanciful, isn't it? Eastern names are apt to +be.--Well, good-bye till to-morrow." + +"Why not to-night? Do they never come down?" + +"Not in the evening; at least, not as yet. Lilamani is still +ridiculously shy. _I_ should insist. But her father says 'not till +she wishes it herself.' He spoils her; idolizes her. When he is +gone, I shall have a better chance." + +"Well--introduce me, will you, when they do come down. New types are +interesting." + +Thought of his unfinished sketch imparted a veiled eagerness to the +casual request; and Audrey, noting it, smiled her inscrutable smile, +that too rarely invaded her eyes. + +"Sir Lakshman Singh often comes down, and is very well worth talking +to," said she. "As a young man he spent several years at home; +studied at Cambridge, I think. And though he still remains within +the pale of Hinduism, his whole view of life is admirably sane and +broad. The girl has mainly been taught by him. But with all her +free and fearless mental outlook, her actual emancipation is still +not much more than skin deep; and being a well-bred Hindu girl she +naturally shrinks from promiscuous talk with strangers, especially +men----" + +"Surely--as an old friend of yours--I might be privileged." + +"Possibly. We'll see. But, Nevil, you must tear up your sketch." + +He started visibly. "Great Scott--that's a pretty cool request. And +why on earth----" + +"Oh, for a dozen reasons. I told you they would hate the idea; and +'one can't spend the day in explanations,'" she quoted with a little +nod of friendly decision. "It's really very nice to find you here +again. _Au revoir_." + +She ran lightly up the steps into the wide hall; and Sinclair stood +looking after her in a mixed frame of mind--expectant, interested, +yet vaguely annoyed. He liked her greatly; always had done. He had +felt a real glow of pleasure in meeting her again. He admired her +pluck, her single-mindedness, her unobtrusive strength; all of which +had been emphasized by four years at grips with stern realities. In +those four years she seemed to have grown older than he; had done so, +in fact, since the soul's calendar is measured by acting and doing, +rather than by months and days. + +Yes. He admired her as much as ever. But he did not approve her +scheme for conjuring a lady doctor out of an Arabian Night's +Princess; and no word of hers should induce him to destroy his +latest-born--his gift flung straight from heaven; earnest of greater +things to come. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + The new hath come, and now the old retires:-- + And now the soul stands in a vague, intense + Expectancy and anguish of suspense, + On the dim chamber threshold....--SAROJINI NAIDU. + + +"Tired of studying, my pale lotus-bud? No need yet to do too much. +We are here for rest!" + +Sir Lakshman Singh put out a welcoming hand and drew his daughter +towards him. A creature of infinite grace she seemed in her +primrose-pale dress and _sari_, that clashed oddly with the setting +of a modern hotel sitting-room. Not tall; though her slenderness and +uprightness, as of a young palm, gave an illusion of height, and her +movements had the leisured, rhythmic quality that comes to fullest +flower in the East. + +Now she crouched kneeling, with a small, glad sigh, by the great +arm-chair in which her father sat; his own light English suit and +jade-green turban aptly symbolic of the dissonance within. At the +meeting of their eyes soul spoke plainly to soul: too plainly for the +man's peace of mind. He, like Sinclair, had his doubts about the +scheme, accepted by him as the one way out of an _impasse_, typical +of India as she is to-day. + +His wife, orthodox to the bone, had rebelled fiercely against the +Anglicizing of even one daughter out of three. But for a time the +will of her husband had prevailed. The child had been his own, to +make or mar, till the question of betrothal could no longer be +deferred. Then did outraged orthodoxy assert itself with power. For +there be two autocrats in the Hindu home: the mother and the family +Guru; the holy man, who carries good or ill in the hollow of his +hand. These, between them, had discovered a bridegroom, elderly and +dissolute but wealthy and of unimpeachable caste; a sinner rigidly +conservative, whose eagle-nosed mother might be trusted to reclaim a +spoilt daughter-in-law and cure her of new-fangled follies. Reports +of Lilamani's beauty fired the bridegroom to impatience; and the +matter was formally set on foot. + +But they reckoned without the daughter of new India, and the blood of +Rajput fighters in her veins. Lilamani--proud, wilful, and lightly +disciplined--would have none of him; and her father, after +heart-searchings and vain pleading with the autocrats, had refused +his consent. Followed a slow, implacable battle of wills, till the +girl's health gave way under the strain, and Lakshman Singh, +distraught with anxiety, had insisted upon calling in Miss +Hammond--caste or no. It was then that Audrey had seen her chance of +enlisting an Eastern recruit. Why should the girl marry at all? Why +not complete her unorthodox education by studying medicine at home, +and returning, in due time, to help those who were so pitifully +unable to help themselves? It was a daring suggestion: but Sir +Lakshman had caught at it, as a drowning man at a straw. To +Lilamani--bruised and broken from the storm--it seemed as if a gate +had been opened into Paradise. And Audrey Hammond had her way. + +Thus it had come about that at last--in the teeth of stormy +reproaches and bitter opposition--the three peaceful-looking rebels +had set sail for France and the sun-smitten headland where Audrey +herself had recruited after hospital training. Such heroic snapping +of chains is still comparatively rare among high-caste Hindu women; +and Lakshman Singh--for all his admiration of the best in English +thought and life--felt not a little anxious as to the ultimate fate +of this daughter, who was in truth as well as in name his Jewel of +Delight. In the beginning it was much that health and gladness once +more had their home in her cheeks and eyes. For the rest, he was +content to wait, and watch the confluence of her clear spirit with +the complex spirit of the West. And at least they were together +without let or hindrance: which sufficed. + +He slipped an arm round her crouching form; and she, with the light +laugh of a child, leaned nearer, one tapering finger at her lips. + +"Breathe it not to Audrey, father mine. But all thought of study has +been far from me. The book she lent me had ugly words in it; and in +all this loveliness they seemed to hurt my mind, even as an ink-blot +on my _sari_ would hurt my eyes." Slipping her fingers beneath a +gold-flecked corner, she regarded it with grave tenderness, then +turned to him again, her sensitive face alight. "Oh, father--how it +is beautiful, the way of the sun upon the sea! As if for very love, +he had flung himself into the deep blue heart of it; and the sea +godlings had bewitched him into a million golden butterflies with +tireless wings that yet cannot bear them aloft----" + +"And was that the sum total of your studies, child of learning?" the +man asked, smiling at the quaint conceit. "Was there not a book +also? Twice I passed under your balcony. But you never looked up, +nor even turned the leaf; and I thought I would speak to Miss Hammond +that until you were stronger she should not press you too hard." + +"Kindest! It is true there was a book. But not hers. The way of +the brain had wearied me. So I followed instead the way of my own +heart--and I was happy." + +"That is always good hearing," spoke the father, whose idolatry stood +in Audrey Hammond's light. "Yet, remember, Light of my Life, the way +of the heart too seldom winds up the hill of achievement." + +"It is the way of all true women, none the less," answered she of +seventeen summers with a low-toned passion of conviction, that was in +itself a tragedy, seeing that her own feet were set upon a stonier +path. + +Words and tones smote the father's heart. Bending his head to hers, +he spoke softly in his own tongue. "Lilamani, dost repent?" + +And she, in the same tongue, while sudden tears pricked her eyeballs: +"Nay. I chose the lesser of two evils, and--I look not back. That +is for weaklings: not for the daughter of Lakshman Singh. But--if +there might have been talk of another bridegroom----" + +"Child, child--that I feared. I spoke of it to thy mother. But thou +knowest how it is. When a woman and a priest are agreed not even +Durga the Ten-handed can prevail against them. Moreover----" + +"Yes--I know--I know----" And now it was upon his lips that her +light hand was laid. "Of what avail to speak? There was no help but +this; and I have peace and freedom and _thee_. Enough of +trouble----" She waved it aside as if an actual presence shadowed +her, and her sudden relapse into English had the effect of a snapped +thread. "Better a hundred times to talk of the sun and the sea and +of my deep, deep studies! Look!" She drew from under her drapery a +small volume bound in fawn and gold. "What would Audrey say? No +dusty book about cobwebs in the House of Life and how to brush them +away. But my wonder-woman of India--Cornelia Sorabji! Her words are +never ugly. Even upon the hard way of the brains she makes flowers +peep between the stones. And why I did not turn the leaf was because +I was reading--no, dreaming--over and over, the words of her 'Wise +Man, Truth-Named,' when he tried to make 'a clearing in the jungle' +where they two might sit and speak of 'the big-little things.'" + +He smiled at her young enthusiasm, her musical flow of speech. + +"What words, child? I have forgot. There are too many words in +these days, when the wayside fountains run ink; and the mills grind +out books for flour, so that a man's brain cannot hold a tithe of all +that passes through it. But the big-little things are always good to +remember. Show me----" + +"No need to show. I have it all here," touching her forehead, "in +letters of gold upon a scroll of blue." And closing her eyes, "the +better to read," she spoke, half in recitative, with the grave +simplicity of a child praying at its mother's knee. + +"'God! By what sign shall we know him? How conceive? Imagine only +light and light and light, everywhere pulsing, throbbing. From the +beginning was that and only that; and that was God. But with God +exists the power and mercy of God; not separate; but as closely +allied as ... the scent of the rose to the rose, as the colour of a +flower to the flower. Men talk of one God, as if there could be two +or three. There is just God--the All-pervading, the heart of the +heart of Beauty, the great first Flame which lights every flame that +leaps into life. Light and light and light; brilliance at the soul +of brilliance ... the God-spark in every soul, in everything created +... only by recognizing this shall we recognize God. There is no +other way!'" Then, lifting her gaze to his, she added, still softly, +but in the tone of every day: "And the Wise Man says also: if we do +not keep our windows clean, and the light cannot get through--is that +the fault of the flame? Was he not rightly 'Truth-Named'?" + +Her father's answer showed in his eyes, while his hand caressed her +brow. + +"So small a casket to hold such great thoughts," said he. For being +a man--even though of the religion-breathing East--he could not +readily speak of such things. + +Then they started, almost as if they had been lovers. For there was +a hand upon the door. + +It proved to be Kali Das--faithful through all vicissitudes, even +unto loss of caste; and he brought the Indian mail, the second since +their coming. It was a day early, and Lilamani caught her breath at +sight of the thin envelopes. A little ache of home-sickness +contracted her heart, not for the first time. Lakshman Singh, being +a man of note in Hyderabad, had much official correspondence. But +there was only one envelope out of half a dozen that really +mattered--to them both. + +In a silence eager, yet anxious, they explored its contents--a long +letter from Ram Singh, eldest son and brother, and a short one in +laboured English from fourteen-year-old Vimala, smuggled doubtless +without her mother's knowledge. A quaint, childish effusion it was. +The small writer hovered incoherently between envy at her sister's +daring, a pretty self-importance at her own recent betrothal to an +unknown fairy prince; in her case, happily, a young one. Lilamani +smiled as she read, and was glad, though a needle-pointed arrow +pricked her heart. She also envied. It is the way of life. + +Then she glanced at her father, who was scanning his son's letter +hungrily, yet with clouded brow. Feeling her gaze upon him, he +looked up, and there was a moment of silent communing before the girl +said wistfully: "No message from Mataji*--even yet?" For Mataji, +obdurate to the last, had refused to bestow her blessing on the +impious quest. + + +* Honoured Mother. + + +"It will come in time, little one--in time----" he answered, +enclosing her hand in his. "Ram Singh writes that she is well. For +the rest--quarrels and worries the minute my back is turned." And he +held out the sheet for her to see. + +While they pored over it, head close to head, Audrey Hammond softly +opened the door; shutting it again yet more softly, even as Lilamani +stirred, and her father glanced at the clock. + +"Lucky these came so early," said he. "By writing to-night, I may +just catch the out-going mail. You can send a few words to Vimala +also. The child is happy?" + +"As a young green parrot in love-time," Lilamani answered lightly. +"I will speak my few words to her out there on the balcony, that I +may watch the great sea fall asleep at the passing of the sun." + +"Little idolater!" he chided, as she went; and she shook her head, +smiling back at him over her shoulder. + +The sun's passing was near at hand now. Lilamani's "butterflies" no +longer flittered on the waters. The faultlessly-carven coast line of +the Esterelles--so close and varied an hour earlier--seemed to have +stepped backward miles upon miles into a wonderland of golden mist, +that translated them from solid rock and stone into dream-hills of a +strangely thin, clean outline that enhanced their delicacy of shape +and hue. At their feet the great sea dozed already. The fine light +wind of the Riviera scarce stirred it to a responsive ripple. Truly +a sea of seas for colour! It was as if amethyst, jade, and sapphire +had been melted in the crucible of some giant alchemyst, now one +prevailing, now the other, as the sun slowly gathered up his gift of +light. To Lilamani, whose passion for colour made it almost a form +of self-expression, the ever-varying beauty of it all seemed each +evening fraught with some new meaning; and with an indrawn breath of +content she sank into her chair. Her few words must be swiftly writ +before the coming of that supreme moment when--in poetic Eastern +speech--"the Sun drops into the Sea and splashes up stars for spray," +and silence passes over the earth like a presence, unseen yet +piercingly felt. + +From the folds of her bodice she drew out her father's latest gift, a +gold fountain pen, set with one flashing diamond--her name-stone, the +"jewel of delight"; and for a while it sped over the paper, keeping +pace with her thoughts, that transported her, as she wrote, back into +the sun-splashed courtyard whose four walls had been, for seventeen +years, the boundary lines of her actual world. + +So essentially is an Indian woman the product of that hidden +sanctuary of home, and all it stands for, that a sudden uprooting +involves the snapping of a hundred delicate fibres, the entire +readjustment of thought, feeling, and conduct to the complex, +unstable elements of the outer world. And at seventeen a child of +the fulgent East is already a woman; which complicates matters not a +little, in more ways than one. So it was with Lilamani, a creature +saturate with the poetic symbolism, the passion and religious fervour +of her race, reared on age-old traditions and ideals not to be +eradicated by a change of continents and a few years at college. +Details, these last, too often overlooked by the fervent +progressivist, who "reforms" in haste and is tripped up by them at +leisure. + +The first ecstasy of escape, the first bewildering revelation of the +fullness and beauty of earth, the marvel of riding upon the limitless +ocean, "as it were upon an horse," had left no space in the theatre +of her sensations for the ache of uprooted fibres, the sense of a +familiar foothold gone. Like a child in its first crowd, she clung +to the two hands she knew, and at night put herself to sleep with +tales of the wonders she would achieve when she fared back as +torch-bearer to the land she loved. Audrey Hammond had turned her +racial idealism to good account. + +But now in the quieter life of the hotel, where as yet they kept +mainly to themselves, there was leisure to feel the pain of those +severed fibres, the vague, insistent yearning for the lost things of +home; leisure to wonder if her venture were foredoomed to failure by +a mother's blessing withheld. And the beginnings of higher study +proved less inspiring than she had hoped. The natural poet in her +recoiled from dry facts set forth in Latinized English, with neither +glow of colour nor gleam of fancy to lighten the grey page. Studies +with her father, who had trained her ear to the music of written +speech had set a halo about the mere word. She discovered now how +much hung upon the subject--and the teacher. For all her fine +qualities, Audrey lacked the peculiar sympathy and insight that can +make all learning a delight. For her a fact was a fact. Its utility +sufficed. With Lilamani it was otherwise. Hence the beginning of +disillusion. But because she had good grit in her, and the Indian +woman's heritage of self-repression she kept silence about these +small troubles; nor dreamed that any guessed at their existence. + +And while she sat writing, the sun slipped out of sight unheeded. A +small shiver, like the breeze of a passing spirit, chilled earth and +sea, where amethyst and jade had given place to sapphire, and that in +turn to indigo and grey. The girl, who had begun the last page of +her letter, looked up expectant. But to-night the sun's passing was +a tender thing. No fairy islands in a lake of gold; no "crimson +blaring of his shawms." The sky, emptied of his presence, flushed +delicately, like a maid under her first kiss. A trailing banner of +cloud that hovered near, caught the wild rose tint and held it, while +light and colour ebbed slowly, till all was grey--sea and sky and the +Esterelles between--a cool, delicate grey, as of a dove's wing; not +one tone, but a harmony of half-tones, a nocturne in a minor key. In +the upper grey a memory of palest blue; in the lower grey shimmerings +of jade and indigo, changing near the skyline to a luminous pallor, +neither silver nor white; the hills themselves pearl-grey +transparencies, as if washed in by the brush of a master. + +Then, as she sat gazing, her round chin cradled in her hand, behold a +change--an aftermath of life before day's ultimate end. Grey above +and grey below were slowly transfused with rose, so faint, yet +all-pervading that it was as if air and water blushed. No lines of +light, no hint of the sun's presence, only this ghost of a blush that +faded softly as it came, leaving, at last, one grey; and across it +the twin islands of the gulf lay like a smudge of Indian ink. + +Lilamani sat on, still as any Yogi of her own land, the gates of her +receptive soul flung wide to the inflowing message of this strange +grey sunset; a message of peace shot through with the rose of hope. +Such, at least, was her fanciful belief; and there is much virtue in +belief, however fanciful. In her case, it quieted a new, unreasoning +ache that she had vainly willed to disregard, healed the arrow-pricks +dealt her by Vimala's childish chatter of new bangles and the +betrothed. With a deep breath of relief she looked down at the blank +sheet upon her knee, vaguely wishful to crystallize the music of the +spheres into the halting music of her own verse. But the ancestral +spirit of meditation was still strong upon her. The white emptiness +of the paper held her gaze, shutting out the sense of things actual; +and in place of verse living memory-pictures, real and clear as +crystal visions, moved before her eyes. + +The familiar, white-walled courtyard with its central tank and +deep-pillared verandah glowed beneath its turquoise dome. In the +blue-grey shadow of an arch sat Vimala and little Radha chattering +like a pair of minas, and outside in full sunshine the grey crane +walked delicately, and her own peacock sunned his jewelled tail with +the self-conscious airs and graces that she loved. Along the flagged +pathway by the tank, scarlet of poinsettia, and blood-red hibiscus +flowers made splashes of passionate colour, while over against the +house itself a gold mohur tree flung out cedar-like branches ablaze +with orange-golden bloom. + +From without came the sound of hoofs and wheels and the voices of +passing men. Then a small shiver ran through her, for to the ears of +her soul came clearly the heart-stirring wail of conches from the +temple hard by; and a figure that she knew for her own, in its simple +home draperies, came out to listen, to bask in the fragrance of +champak and neem. + +But now all sense of illusion was lost. She was there, feeling, +seeing, hearing; all else forgotten as though it were not. Next it +was Mataji herself who came forth--plump, practical, and a trifle +sharp of tongue; but yet--Mataji, guardian spirit of the home, +honoured and beloved by all. She had come out to scold her dreamy +daughter--no infrequent happening--for careless rendering of her +morning duties, and worse than all, for having insufficiently watered +the sacred _tulsi_ that languished already from the heat. She felt +the compelling hand on her shoulder, felt it so forcibly that she +started and turned with an actual shiver, a feeling as of a light +blown out. + +And lo--it was Audrey's hand that held her shoulder, Audrey's voice +that reproved her in kindly practical tones. + +"My dear child--are you crazy, sitting out again alone in the dark? +You know it made you feverish the other night." + +"But I love it so," the culprit murmured lamely, as the other with +gentle professional deftness touched her wrist and brow. + +"Of course you do, dear. But health must stand first. Besides, it's +nearly dinner-time. Come to my room. I'll give you some quinine." + +Lilamani gathered up her unfinished letter and obeyed. + +There were moments when Audrey's tone and opinions faintly recalled +Mataji herself. Both were capable and decisive; both slaves of a +fetish. As the last word of Mataji was _dastur_, so the last word of +Audrey was health; and to-night, jerked abruptly out of her vision, +only to be confronted with quinine, this gentle-mannered girl (who +had bought freedom from _dastur_ at a heavier price than she guessed) +came near to wondering whether, in truth, she had but exchanged one +form of tyranny for another, after all. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + "I find, under the bows of love and hate, + In all poor foolish things that live a day, + Eternal beauty wandering on her way." + W. B. YEATS. + + +With engaging docility Lilamani swallowed her quinine, accepting it, +without conviction, as an article of Audrey's faith, that must +shortly be her own also. But on the suggestion that to-night she +should make a fresh advance by dining downstairs, docility vanished. +Her small decisive chin asserted itself, the chin that had defied +Mataji and _dastur_. + +"Eat my food in a crowd of noisy strangers? Audrey, I cannot. At +least--not yet." + +She spoke quite gently; but Audrey Hammond knew by this time how +delusive was that gentleness. + +"Quaint child! I thought you enjoyed seeing new kinds of people and +things," was all she said. + +"Oh, I do! They are so astonishing. I love to see them all. But I +think--not too close. And not at food-time." + +That last made Audrey smile and shrug her shoulders. It is difficult +for the West to understand the Eastern sanctification of such prosaic +essentials as bathing and feeding; though in their own Book of Books +it is written, "whether ye eat or drink, ye shall do it unto the +Lord." But that Book came from the East, and even after two thousand +years the essentially Eastern spirit of it still remains a +stumbling-block to the practical, self-assertive soul of the West. +Even Sir Lakshman Singh, whose civilization was more than skin deep, +still disliked hotel meals. Hence his reluctance to force them on +his daughter. Audrey admired him greatly, though innate +self-assurance convinced her that she would have managed her rebel +better alone. + +"Well, my dear, if you won't, you won't!" she said with a touch of +good-humoured irritation, unfastening brooches and buttons as she +spoke. "We might try going down after dinner one evening. You must +make a start some day--now you're here." + +"Yes, oh, yes--some day," the girl answered, catching at the soothing +vagueness of the word. "But you, Audrey, you need not miss what +pleases you because--I am shy." + +"No. Of course not," Audrey agreed; then paused, considering the +matter while she tidied her soft, fair hair. Till to-day she had +felt no particular wish to join the after-dinner gathering in the +central hall, where a local band played twice a week, and people +danced, when the spirit moved them. But her meeting with Nevil +Sinclair had set the clock back. After years of arduous service to +find him just where she had left him--attractive, leisured, and +irresponsible--made her feel unaccountably young again. Though full +eight-and-twenty, and mature of her age, her pulses had never +quickened for any man, nor, in her belief, ever would. But, from the +first, this thwarted artist and good comrade had secured a corner of +her heart; and on meeting him again, she found that the same corner, +not an inch more, belonged to him still. It is even possible that +his arrival may have strengthened her conviction that Lilamani's +nascent home-sickness should be combated by a fresh step in advance. +She would have denied it upon oath, in all sincerity. But that is +neither here nor there. + +Catching sight of Lilamani's face in the glass, she nodded and +smiled. "Your looks belie your name-stone, child, and your father +seems worried since the mail came in; so I won't 'dine out' to-night. +I may run down afterwards; and I may insist on taking you with me. +Now--run along." + + +So Nevil Sinclair looked in vain for the possible descent of his Peri +into the crowded room, where the truly civilized discussed their +dinner--in both senses--under conditions that might well seem +barbarous to minds not hypnotized by habit. Through an intermittent +roar of human tongues and clattering plates, preoccupied waiters +scurried to and fro balancing a silver dish on either hand; and one +only of the glass doors into the verandah stood open to the cool and +quiet of the night. + +In the neighbourhood of this friendly door, Sinclair shared a table +with another Antibes _habitué_. Cuthbert Broome, novelist and +essayist of no small repute; a big, bearded man, nearing fifty, with +a thatch of tawny hair, and sailor-blue eyes, that missed no detail +of men or things. And there is a sufficiency of both for the born +observer at a continental hotel. Behind them two Hebraic Germans, +napkins tucked under ponderous chins, fought their business battles +over again, with variations, in the intervals of damning cold soup +and the monotony of the menus. On one side, a party of Londoners, +correct to the last hook and button, had a politely inquiring gaze +for Sinclair's well-bred profile. The two girls, in unimpeachable +"restaurant frocks," had evidently been to Nice studying the +momentous hat question, over which they argued like a pair of +theologians over a point of evidence. On the other side a French +couple, not long married, drank champagne and made love +surreptitiously when they imagined no one heeded them. But Cuthbert +Broome, listening to Nevil with scrupulous attention, was quite aware +of it all. The third chair at their own table remained empty; and +when a fresh ebullition of waiters skidded past armed with _noisettes +de veau_, Nevil commented on the fact. + +"Little Martino's late. Anything wrong?" + +"Yes; poor chap. Temperature, with a slight touch of hæmorrhage," +the big man answered, and the voice that matched his frame had a +sympathetic note in its depths. "Sat out too late the other night +over an after-glow effect. The result's magnificent--on canvas. +Quite the reverse on his luckless carcase. But he wouldn't go to +bed; though I prevailed on him to dine upstairs. He deserves +immortality, does Martino, if ever man did. A born fighter, though +his weapons are only a paint-brush and a mahl-stick; and all the odds +against him." + +Nevil nodded thoughtfully. Here it was again, the primal quality +that makes for achievement. + +"'Life but a coin, to be staked in the pastime, whose playing is more +than the transfer of being,'" he quoted. "That's Martino's creed." + +Said Broome: "A plucky one. And he lives up to it. He'll die for it +years before he need. But he will leave his mark. He was +alternately choking and holding forth on a new colour-theory all this +afternoon. I could only keep him quiet by dosing him with extracts +from a purple epic, which my editor friend of the 'Book World' is +bound over to pat on the back; and I am the chosen instrument, for my +sins." + +"A chance to air your gift of subtle irony," suggested Nevil by way +of consolation. + +"In which case the great Wigmore would come down on me like a ton of +best Wallsend; and I might snap a connection I don't want to lose. +There's a side-light for you on the ethics of reviewing! But the +book has some good stuff in it, once you're through with the Epic, +which you shall read, my Nevil, if only that you may learn what not +to write----" + +And, having fallen upon a subject of mutual interest, they clave to +it till the doors into the hall were flung wide to admit the spirited +strains of "Semiramide." For it was band night; and frivolity would +be the order of the evening. Frivolity of the mildest, and most +innocuous; since Antibes lies a little off the beaten track of the +Riviera as it is understanded of Society, and the budding +millionaire. Cannes, Nice, and Monte Carlo entangle, in their +jewelled meshes, the gambler, the devotee of bridge, restaurant and +promenade; the well-bred idler with a taste for forbidden fruit; and +restless young America, with a taste for all things costly and +effervescent. To the grey, rocky headland of the Cap, with its +pinewoods and aromatic cushions of myrtle and lentisk, come rather +invalids in search of health, over-worked professional men and women +in search of rest or renewed inspiration; a fair sprinkling also of +those travellers who have enough of resource within to ask no more +than large draughts of peace, and light, and colour from the twin +goblets of sea and sky; a passing respite from the complex machinery +of modern life and work. Folk of this kind do not always look +promising at first sight. Such riches as they may possess are not to +be vaunted in terms of silk and precious stones, and the last thing +in motor-cars. But a little delving under the surface will often +reveal an unexpected streak of ore; and those gifted ones, swift to +detect the God in the clay, have even been known to dig up diamonds. + +Of such was Cuthbert Broome, most sane and human of novelists. The +fact that half a dozen critics of note had hailed him as a creative +genius--word too lavishly used in this our age of spurious +masterpieces--had neither upset his equilibrium, nor engendered the +disease of acute self-consciousness that is the bane of modern +talent. His bodily strength and power of work were phenomenal; no +less so, perhaps, his sympathy for those lacking in both. He turned +up at the Cap Hotel every few years; and more often than not lighted +on a friend or two worth keeping. In one visit he had discovered +Andrea Martino, the consumptive Italian artist with the body of a +grasshopper and the soul of a hero. In another he had chanced upon +Nevil Sinclair, beneath whose modesty and seeming lightness he +discovered a measure of talent and strength as yet unsuspected by the +young man himself. There be natures that come late to fruition, and +Nevil was one of these; the more so because of the smooth ground +under his feet and the curse of the ready-made income. + +Cuthbert Broome, kindly yet critical, grieved over him as a victim of +the sorrows of happiness, the vital poverty that may result from +wealth. But he did not grieve as one without hope. The finer +qualities were there; and he awaited with interest the pointed pain +or pleasure that should stab them broad awake. For himself, +Necessity had belaboured him generously ever since he could remember, +with excellent result. + +Now, as he passed along with the crowd, that surged out into the +great square lounge, his tawny beard wagged and his sailor eyes +twinkled in one direction and another. There was the small convex +widow, Mrs. Heath, yclept the Hen Sparrow, by reason of a propensity +for twittering in and out of season. Beside her sauntered the pretty +niece with the "pompadour coiffeur" and secret hankerings after +Mentone and Monte Carlo. Then there was the handsome French woman +with lips a little drawn, and a hunted look in her eyes, because the +five-year-old son, her light of life, was smitten with the curse of +asthma, and her husband, smitten with the curse of a "system," was +flinging away with both hands the money needed to keep his child +alive. + +Broome had an almost tender twinkle for her; as also for the +eager-faced maiden lady, Miss Swithin, in freckles and spectacles and +her best summer dress of the year before last. On the sandy-grey +knot of hair half-way up her head sat an irrelevant blue bow, +dropped, as it were, by her youth in its passing, though gleams of it +still lingered in her inquiring eyes. A lone soul, one of the +thousand and one oddments of earth, squandering the savings of years +on a lone peep into Paradise. Shy of speaking to strangers without +introduction, she played Patience zealously every evening at a lone +small table in a corner; and nearly fainted between delight and +trepidation, when the big, bearded "sailor-man" had boldly introduced +himself, and talked to her all the evening. She had sat up late that +night, in her third-floor bedroom, adding a rather incoherent entry +to her neatly-written "Journal of a Golden Month," bound in vellum +and tied with white strings. + +After that, he often joined her when she looked specially forlorn and +the blue bow more irrelevant than usual. Sometimes they played +double patience; and when she won, enjoyment could scarce go farther. +Now when a known writer goes out of his way to make friends with +stray humans, there are those who are sure to believe him--not quite +without reason--merely in search of "copy." But, in the case of +Cuthbert Broome, such belief were libel. The man's creative impulse +was too spontaneous and exuberant, and he himself too great-hearted +to be so tempted, even did he not strongly disapprove. + +"If ever I caught myself taking deliberate notes of a +fellow-creature," he had said once to a simpering admirer, who rather +hoped he might be taking notes of her, "I should burn all my +skeletons of projected novels, and devote the rest of my life to +picking holes in other people's!" But like many of us when we take +pains to speak truth, he was not believed. + +Be that as it might, he saw in the wearer of the blue bow simply a +woman starved of legitimate hopes and emotions; and out of his own +superabundance he gave what he could. But Miss Swithin did not +figure in his occasional letters to Mrs. Cuthbert Broome, who was too +practically occupied with committee meetings and demonstrations of +the organized woman's movement, to find time for "loafing at +Antibes." She would not have understood. Even after twenty years of +marriage there were whole tracts in her husband's expansive nature +that were entirely outside her comprehension. Yet their marriage was +not tragic, nor even a complete failure. Possibly it was a mistake. +But marriage is a mystery seemingly outside human volition; and it +were rash to dogmatise even so far. + +To-night, when the folding-doors were closed, and the crowd broken up +into accustomed groups, mainly racial, Broome lit his pipe and +strolled over to the cane table that Miss Swithin had fairly made her +own. The blue bow, having been fixed on hurriedly, seemed almost to +beckon him as its wearer's head nodded in sympathy with Madame de +Lisle's account of her boy. Broome had introduced them to each other +and was glad to see them making friends. Miss Swithin enjoyed airing +her French, and Madame de Lisle her broken English; so it was a +capital arrangement, and he went over to enjoy it, sure of a welcome +from both. + +Sinclair gravitated toward the "pompadour coiffeur," for whom he was +an oasis in a desert of boredom; young men being scarce at Antibes. +He found her pleasant enough in spite of her "pretty woman" tricks of +manner; but caught himself wishing it were Audrey and surreptitiously +glancing at the door. Besides, she could talk of the Peri; and he +was curious to hear more. It did not occur to him that others could +talk of her, too, till "Semiramide" had hurried to its crashing +finale, and the Hen Sparrow leaned eagerly across her niece. + +"Have _you_ seen our Indian curio yet, Mr. Sinclair? The pretty +little purdah lady who won't defile herself by dining downstairs?" + +Mr. Sinclair, who had been looking politely bored, was all attention. +Yes, he had seen her, afar off. Did she ever come down, and had Mrs. +Heath spoken to her? + +"_Of course_ I have," Mrs. Heath twittered triumphantly. "I made a +_point_ of it on the first opportunity. Odd specimens. They make up +half the fun of hotel life. But this Lilamani girl" (she pronounced +it Lillamanny) "is really quite a sweet creature. She isn't strong. +Nerves, I believe. Even India is catching the modern epidemic. +Still ... I _do_ think it would be better for her to come down on an +evening like this, than to stay moping upstairs. Those three people +are going to sing soon. The man with the tambourine is killingly +funny--quite a character----" + +Then Nevil had an inspiration. "Couldn't you send up word to Miss +Hammond and suggest it?" said he. + +"Why, of course. How clever of you! I might write a little note." + +"And I might take it. I know Miss Hammond quite well. We met here +before." + +"It _is_ a pity she's so self-satisfied," murmured Miss Blakeney, +leaning a sequined and bangled arm over the cane table between them +and considering it with interest. + +"Is she?" asked Nevil indifferently, and carried off his note. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + "Les rencontres ici-bas sont souvent preparés de loins." + PIERRE DE COULEVAIN. + + +He sent it in by Kali Das, with a message that Sinclair Sahib awaited +an answer; and before many minutes were out Audrey appeared, in a +little flutter of pleased surprise, very rare with her. + +"My dear Nevil! Was it your plan?" she asked, scanning him with +approval. + +"Partly mine, partly hers. Do come, anyway--all of you." Then, +after a pause: "Miss Blakeney palls, you know." + +"Yes--I _do_ know! And I am to act as antidote?" + +"Naturally!" + +His frank smile was as frankly returned. "Very well. I'll try to +persuade the child. If we do come, we shan't be long. But don't +wait--please." + +Of course he waited, not on the landing, but at the foot of the grand +staircase where the lift comes down. And while he stood waiting, +wondering, there came over him the strange sense--known to most of +us--of having stood thus and waited thus, somewhere, somewhen, for +the coming--of what? + +At this point the ghost of a memory eluded him, and reality +intervened. The iron doors of the lift opened with a clang. + +Audrey stepped out, and after her--the "purdah lady"; no longer a +simple evening primrose, but an iridescent vision of grey and gold, +shot through with mother-o'-pearl tints that shimmered changefully +when she moved. Her _sari_, drawn well forward, had a narrow border +of pale gold cunningly inwrought with rose. For, as always, she had +chosen a dress to match her mood--her sunset mood of peace tenderly +flushed with hope. + +Upon Audrey's introduction of Nevil she bowed her head without +looking up; and he noted, through the semi-transparency of her veil, +the dark, smooth ripple of hair; the red caste mark on her brow; the +fine chain at her throat from which one blue moon-stone hung like a +great drop of dew. There was not a detail he could have wished +otherwise. Even while he shook hands with Sir Lakshman Singh, and +appraised the clean-cut strength of the man, he was telling himself +that in this dress he must paint her, though only the hand of an Alma +Tadema could hope to catch its opalescent sheen. + +The great door into the lounge was shut, and through it came the +voice of him with the tambourine; not a voice of melody, but of sheer +rollicking _joie de vivre_. Four or five hotel servants were +flattening their faces against the glass; and an agile waiter pounced +upon the door-handle. But Lilamani shrank backward, flushing to the +temples. Her fingers closed upon her father's arm; and he turned +promptly aside. + +"She is right," he said to Audrey; "we will go round through the +dining-room, and have chairs put in at the back." + +The which they did; slipping in, almost unnoticed, while the whole +room clapped and shouted, and the shock-headed Italian, in the shabby +dinner-jacket, with a mouth like a slit in a turnip and no stage +property save his tambourine, swept a burlesque bow to the woman at +his side. For it was a duet--an Italian love-song--trilled and +"tra-la"-ed with dramatic abandon by the tambourinist--an artist +after his kind--who could wax playful, reproachful, fervent by turns +over a "Bella" whose middle-aged plumpness was compressed into a +puce-coloured cashmere gown of the same doubtful age as herself. No +trace in her of the man's madcap surrender to the folly of the +moment. Being a woman, and practical, music might be in her throat, +but the collection-plate was at her heart. With the laboured zeal of +one responsible for the number of francs it might contain, she +marshalled her best high notes, her marionette gestures of coquetry, +scorn, and final surrender to the triumphal clashing of the +tambourine. + +Then the real woman emerged; and she threaded her way among the +guests, plate in hand. No band on earth could make sweeter music +than the tinkle of the silver pieces as they fell. It was her +supreme moment, even as the applause had been the man's. + +Through it all Lilamani had sat spellbound; shyness and +self-consciousness forgotten, in this fresh revealing of the unknown +world into which she had flung herself with the valour of ignorance +and despair. On the steamer she had rarely ventured out of her +deck-cabin, except in those times of peace when hungry passengers +gravitated to the saloon table, like filings of steel to a magnet. +On _tamasha_ evenings, she had heard the sounds of revelry afar off, +and watched the passing figures from her window. + +Now for the first time, she saw in full--and was amazed: the ugly +evening dress of the men, that her father must never wear when they +were alone; the women laughing and talking as frankly with them as +though all were brothers or cousins of the first degree: the lights, +the movement, the waiters whisking away coffee-cups and small +glasses. True, Audrey had told her of it all; but to see it, to sit +in the midst of it, brought home to her with something of a shock the +new conditions of her life. A couple of French women and an Italian +wore full evening dress. They sat in a group with three men, leaning +bare arms on the cane table before them, puffing cigarettes and +gesticulating freely. Young as she was, the sight hurt her in a way +few women of the West would understand. In truth, the whole scene, +even while it fascinated, troubled her racial sense of dignity and +reserve. + +But with the end of the song came the end of self-forgetfulness. It +dawned on her that people were looking and whispering. Mrs. Heath, +peering expectantly through a tortoise-shell lorgnette, caught the +sheen of her _sari_, and fluttered across to them, friendly and +voluble; while Miss Blakeney, who found Audrey "superior" and the +Indian girl "insipid," kept her seat and smiled alluringly at +Sinclair, without result. + +The devotees of the hat question, lately arrived, could scarcely keep +curiosity within the bounds of good manners, and the Hebraic Germans +stared so flagrantly that Nevil longed to smite them between the eyes +and take the consequences: the more so, when he saw that she noticed +it, and drew her _sari_ forward, almost hiding her face. During the +song he had stood near Audrey talking of old times; though he, too, +had been watching under his lids, and drawing comparisons between the +sequined fluffy-haired Miss Blakeney, with her self-conscious poses, +and the exquisite simplicity of this flower of Indian girlhood, her +drooping grace and slenderness, as of a willow by moonlight. And +now, smitten by her sensitive shrinking, he deserted Audrey, drew up +a chair and sat down boldly beside his picture that was to be. + +Unhappily, the end of self-forgetfulness had wrought her to an agony +of shyness; and that this strange young man should come and talk to +her reduced her almost to the verge of flight. But courtesy forbade. +She could only incline her head in recognition of his presence, +leaving him to begin. + +And he found it astonishingly difficult. He who could talk fluently +to anything human, from a guttersnipe to an archbishop, was smitten +dumb by the beauty and aloofness of this mere child of another race. +He cleared his throat and said lamely: "You find all this very +strange, of course?" + +"Yes. It is strange. I am not accustomed----" + +She broke off to moisten her lips, and could get no further. Her +slim fingers locked and unlocked themselves distressfully. + +He tried again. "The music and the singing pleased you?" + +She nodded. "Your music is very different from ours. I like it. +But I like a great deal better the music and dancing of the sun upon +the sea." + +"So do I," he agreed more hopefully. "You'll get plenty of that +here. It was wise of Miss Hammond to choose Antibes." + +"Yes--oh, yes." + +Another dead pause. Something across the room had caught her +attention, and he felt himself forgotten. He also felt foolish, and +vaguely annoyed. Uphill work with a woman was new to him, and not at +all to his taste. If she would only help him forward with a smile, a +glance. But her words, low and musically spoken, were seemingly +addressed to the locked hands in her lap: and he could not know how +her heart was throbbing in her throat beneath the big dew-drop on its +chain. In his futile search for a fresh topic he was harassed by the +twittering of Mrs. Heath, who believed she was making an impression +on Sir Lakshman Singh, while her courteous victim smilingly allowed +the waters to flow over his turbaned head. + +Then the players in the corner dashed into a spirited mazurka; and +Sinclair's next remark passed unheeded, unheard. A chill of +disappointment quenched his admiration. As a picture she was +incomparable, this child of seclusion; but as an entity she seemed +unpromising, almost stupid. None the less did she exhale an +atmosphere of her own. He felt it even while resenting it, because +it seemed to exclude himself. More than ever he marvelled how Audrey +could hope to make a doctor of her: yet Audrey was no fool. + +Of a sudden he saw that she had realized his predicament and was +coming to the rescue. He rose at her approach, and Lilamani looked +up. It was as if a lamp had been lighted within; and Nevil's +flickering spark of interest revived. Audrey laid a reassuring hand +on the girl's shoulder; but it was to the man she spoke. + +"They are going to clear half the dining-room for dancing after this. +Rather nice." + +"Capital!" said he with grateful sense of passing from a too rarified +atmosphere into the common light of day. "The first valse is ours, +of course; not to say the second, if you will!" + +He turned to Lilamani, his awkwardness gone. "Have you ever seen +English people dance, Miss--Lakshman Singh?" + +"No, never. And I think--I would rather not." She leaned nearer to +Miss Hammond, speaking almost under her breath. "Oh! Audrey, +please--there are too many people here. I want to go up again--now." + +"Nonsense, child! You _must_ stay a little longer now you've come. +Your shyness will soon wear off, and the change will do you good." + +She spoke with kindly decision and with the comfortable conviction +that zeal for Lilamani's enlightenment prompted her own wish to +remain. It is common as it is consoling, this belief that the thing +we would do must, in some way, subserve another's gain: and for all +her steady pulses and advanced views Audrey Hammond was yet a woman; +glad to recapture, even for a moment, the girlish spirit of enjoyment +stolen from her by the strenuous years. + +There was a stir throughout the room; a scraping of chairs on the +tessellated floor. The singers bowed themselves out; the +folding-doors were flung wide again; and the band struck up a +memory-provoking valse. Audrey patted Lilamani's shoulder, and +murmuring: "Don't be foolish, dear," went off on her partner's arm. + +With feelings that veered between interest and vague distaste, +Lilamani watched them go; watched the woman she loved and respected +only less than her own mother, spin lightly round upon her toes, like +any nautch-girl, in the arms of this strange man, who was neither +brother nor betrothed. The reading of occasional novels with her +father had taught her that the "Europe betrothed" might take +liberties whereof no Indian would dream; but even so it astounded her +that they did not think shame of themselves, capering thus for all +the world to look upon. The very waiter-folk, peering in from the +hall, showed like grinning emblems of derision. Yet, seemingly, all +was well. It was _dastur_, a word that covers more sins than +charity's self. + +A dozen other couples followed Audrey's lead: whirling in the same +graceless fashion; women clinging to the arms of men, even those +flagrantly unveiled ones, who had chattered like bazaar folk that +come to sell wares in the verandah. In some cases women twirled with +women, which puzzled her less, though the distressing publicity +remained. And in no case did the dancers dream that the shy strange +girl, half hidden in her shimmering drapery, was sitting in judgment +on them; weighing their conduct and finding it wanting in dignity, +delicacy, and womanly reserve. Even Audrey, of the strong brain and +will, did not come off scot-free; and the fact that she could +criticize her mentor marked a new phase in Lilamani's progress. + +Nevertheless, while pain deepened in her, a reluctant fascination +deepened also. Assuredly the music had some sort of magic which even +she could feel. The entrancing rhythm of it spoke to the feet, +impelling them to move. Doubtless it bewitched those others even as +strong wine was said to bewitch men, so that they knew not what they +did. + +At this point, her trance of thought was broken by the voice of Sir +Lakshman--mercifully delivered from the kindest lady alive by one who +had persuaded her to dance. + +Straightway he came to his daughter, and sitting down beside her, +spoke low in their native tongue. + +"Thou art troubled, my child? Or doth it please thee, this strange +_tamasha_?" + +Slowly she shook her head, and turned upon him wide, wondering eyes. + +"Strange it is, father mine. And yet--I am here to learn many new +things. Is it needful I should become--in all ways--as these----?" + +"The Great God forbid!" he said fervently. "But before long thou +wilt better understand how in some matters--this for instance--we see +through one glass, they through another. In their eyes this form of +_nautch_ is harmless as child's play. For them, therefore, it is not +evil. And in truth," he added with a reminiscent smile, "it is +pleasant enough! I myself tried it in student days." + +"You--oh, father! With these white women? But not now----!" Her +light fingers on his coat-sleeve gave her entreaty a hint of command. + +"No, no," he said soothingly. "In those days, being young, I was +eager to drink the waters of pleasure, as of knowledge, at all +fountains. Now, being old, I eat the fruit of discretion, and it is +the daughter of my heart who ventures along strange paths!" + +"To-night this daughter of thine heart hath seen enough of strange +paths. Why wait we for Audrey? Take me back, quickly--to 'the +Inside,' where alone is peace." + +Her tone had a light touch of petulance, very endearing to him; and +the familiar Indian word for the women's quarter struck a note of +home that went to his heart. He rose and offered his arm. + +"Come, then. I am ready. Miss Hammond can follow when she will. +She seems to be enjoying herself after her own fashion." + +So they went forth together, the tall, straight-limbed man in +faultless evening dress, with the iridescent vision on his arm; and +many curious eyes followed their going. + +Audrey Hammond saw it also, not without a passing sense of relief +from responsibility. Most certainly she was enjoying herself--in her +own fashion; which was not the fashion of Lilamani, or of Miss +Blakeney; still less that of Miss Swithin, whose blue bow bobbed +jauntily, if a little tremulously, above the elbow of Cuthbert +Broome. She found it good to be dancing again with Nevil Sinclair. +But no stir of the pulses enhanced the discovery. It is a question +whether girls of her type--products of extreme reaction from +mid-Victorian ideals--are not cultivating brain and ego at the +expense of the natural emotions; a doubtful gain for themselves and +for the race, in an age already overloaded with intellectuality and +all its works. + +Certainly for Audrey Hammond much of Nevil's value lay in the fact, +that he could seemingly give and take friendship with as little +after-thought as the most inveterate "bachelor-girl" could wish. The +understanding between them seemed curiously complete; and to both it +appeared quite natural that they should spend the whole evening +together if they chose. As each fresh dance struck up Nevil remarked +airily: + +"Well--shall we go on?" And she: + +"Yes, of course. Why not?" + +So they went on, to the disgust of Miss Blakeney and the amusement of +Cuthbert Broome, who saw Nevil's heart apparently rent and riven at a +stroke. Clearly both were enjoying themselves to the top of their +bent. For the moment, Sinclair had even forgotten his picture: and +not until the dancing was nearly over did he speak of his wish to see +more of the Lakshman Singhs. + +"A pity they didn't stay longer," said he. "And a pity she's so shy. +My attempt at making friends was a dead failure. The deadest I've +ever known with a girl." + +"Very good for you!" Audrey answered in what Lilamani called her +"medicine voice." "But very trying for her, poor child. Her +education didn't include the art of talking to strange young men." + +"It must now, though, if you mean to make her a doctor; and I offer +myself as a dummy to be practised on!" + +"You really want to try again?" + +"Why, of course." His hidden motive was almost on his lips; but he +knew her capable of thwarting him if she saw fit, and added instead: +"She is charming enough to be worth looking at even if she refuses to +talk! How shall we arrange things? Will you all have tea with me in +the verandah to-morrow?" + +"I doubt that--after to-night! The next day would be more probable. +But she's a creature of moods and rather spoilt, as I told you. If +you really want them to come you had better ask Sir Lakshman." + +"That I will. He seems a capital fellow." + +Audrey nodded. "If modern India produced more of his type we should +hear little or nothing of political unrest." + +"Very clever of you to bring them here, and very clever of me to turn +up at the psychological moment! A thundering good plan all round." + +"Thundering good!" she agreed frankly: upon which conclusion they +parted; at peace with themselves and the world. + +Nevil saw her into the lift; then lit a cigar; and its flavour was +enhanced by a pleasant conviction that his impromptu descent upon +Antibes bid fair to justify very completely his egregious desertion +of Jane. + + + + +CHAPTER V + + "A spindle of hazel-wood had I. + Into the mill stream it fell one day; + The water has brought it back no more." + ROUMANIAN BALLAD. + + +"But this is good. Santa Maria, it is good! So slight a thing; +yet--entirely alive. If you make not a picture of this, Sinclair, +talk no more to me of your aspirations. No longer I shall believe in +them." + +Thus Andrea Martino, standing in a flood of afternoon light at his +third-floor window, and holding Nevil's sketch-book at arm's length +before him. His shock head of hair--jerked now this way, now +that--suggested an intelligent blackbird considering a worm; a +suggestion heightened by the beak-like nose that sprang boldly out +betwixt eyes cavernously set under one dense ink-smudge of eyebrow. +The single crease of concentration furrowed his forehead, and dull +patches of colour on his cheek-bones, accentuating the hollow +beneath, told their own tale. It was a fine head, too fine for the +lean, undersized body, producing at times a contrast that bordered on +the grotesque. + +Sinclair, bestriding a bedroom chair, a cigarette balanced between +two fingers, was doing his best not to look foolishly elate, and +succeeding fairly well, thanks to a racial heritage of +self-repression. Martino's studio was a corner bedroom, roughly +metamorphosed by the removal of the washing-stand; a Turkish Djimjim +flung over the bed; easel, canvases and a bare deal table sticky with +paints. Two oval windows, looking west, framed sun-saturate visions +of the twinkling bay, and white villas of Cannes, backed by the +barren ranges and clean-cut peaks of the Alpes Maritimes. A third +window looked upon open sea and sky, the twin islands and the carven +outline of the Esterelles. Beside it, from a tall vase, rose plumes +of mimosa, breathing out faint fragrance. + +The one arm-chair was amply filled by Cuthbert Broome, chewing a pipe +and correcting proof slips in the intervals of considering Sinclair's +profile and wondering which emotion struck deeper--the thrill of +Martino's unfeigned approval, or the thrill of laying siege to the +self-poised girl with the disconcertingly direct grey eyes. It was a +problem congenial to his psychological turn of mind. The girl--if +her looks belied her not--stood for politics and a fairly assured +parliamentary career. The picture, if achieved, stood for artistry +and vagabondage, for possible success, and probable family discord +and disapproval. For the moment, Broome felt doubtful which way +Sinclair--the essential Sinclair--leaned. Last night he could have +sworn to the girl. To-day, watching Nevil's face under Martino's +volcanic discharges of encouragement, his assurance wavered: nor +could he quite decide which way of leaning his own ripe, unbiassed +judgment would applaud. + +Even from the unfinished sketch it was clear that Sinclair's sleeping +talent had genuinely caught fire. But one inspiration, however +genuine, never yet made an artist. It is continuity of power that +tells; as Broome had good reason to know. He knew, too, that the +keystone of all imaginative work worth doing is capacity for great +emotion--the furnace that fuses thought and inspiration, form and +colour, into one living whole. In a life packed with observation, he +had seen and noted how often lack of this very capacity stamps as +ineffectual the clever, complex, highly civilized young Englishman of +to-day; and, so far, it seemed as though Sinclair had not altogether +escaped the disability of his race and age. No doubt smooth going +along the line of least resistance had retarded development. But +once let him reach the cross-roads, the true man must out.... + +And while the subconscious brain of the novelist played with +probabilities, as a child with the pieces of a puzzle, his hand +travelled down the printed slips, scribbling hieroglyphics in the +margin with mechanical accuracy, while his ear missed little of the +talk, or rather the monologue by the window. + +"And she is in the hotel, you say? Under the same roof with us--this +houri--this _bellissima_?" Martino had just demanded, slapping-to the +sketch-book on one of his extravagant prophecies that set Nevil +tingling to the roots of his hair. "And she walks in the garden?" + +"Sometimes; not often," said Nevil, wondering amusedly, What next? + +"Then why not have I seen her--I?" + +"Because, my dear fellow," put in Broome with a friendly twirl of his +eye, "when _you_ walk in the garden your expansive soul spreads +itself over the whole sea and sky. Incidentally you may be aware of +rocks and trees in the foreground. But anything so infinitesimal as +a human being----!" + +"Chut!" Martino waved him aside with a laugh that broke midway into +a cough and brought a crumpled silk handkerchief to his lips. "It is +to Sinclair I talk. You love not to speak your true meaning except +with your pen! I remember me now--I have seen a dark man in a +turban. He is her father--no?" Nevil nodded. "Then it is him you +have to make believe what a picture this will be. If you are too +modest, send him to Martino, who will have a tongue of gold at your +service. But, my friend, lose no time. In art you must strike while +your iron is hot. You wish in earnest to become an artist. But all +these years, I tell you, Sinclair, you have been playing fool with a +brush that was made for work. A spark from the fire of God burns in +you, waiting to spring into flame. But you have choked it with earth +that it cannot burn. And now, see--right out of heaven, this star +dropt at your feet. Waste no more time, making glowworms with your +eternal cigarette. Santa Maria! How can you with your insolence of +youth and health know--as I know"--he beat upon his damaged chest and +coughed again--"that time is gold and diamonds and all the riches of +the earth rolled into one mass. Know it or not, only hear this poor +devil with one lung and paint your picture while you can. Paint it +that it shall please me, and Jacques Lesseppes--and then----" He +stayed for breath, and again it was Broome who interposed, +instinctively keeping the balance of things by putting all his weight +into the opposite scale. + +"You forget, Martino, that as the eldest son of an old English family +Sinclair owes it to his father to make an honest bid for a +parliamentary career----" + +"Huh! Parliamentary candlesticks----!" + +"Fiddlesticks, you mean, my dear chap!" + +"_Ah, bene_! Fiddlesticks--candlesticks--it is all one." + +"Oh, no; not quite!" Broome's twinkling gravity held its own. +"Structural differences, you know, to say nothing of value! Besides, +in this case----" + +The Italian flung up his hands in an ecstasy of impatience, and +clapped them over his ears. "I am a deaf. I hear not anything!" he +declared, not all in jest; and Nevil, springing up, gripped his +friend by the shoulders from behind. + +"What shall we do to him, Martino _mio_? Gag him with his own +proofs?" + +"If--you--please," the small man answered with grave emphasis; and at +their joint shout of laughter his black brows went up. The gods who +gifted him at birth had overlooked the saving grace of humour. "You +are always making some kind of foolishness--you two," he said, +looking from one to the other with puzzled intensity. "But it +remains that for candlesticks or fiddlesticks, I care nothing; and +for fathers and parliaments not a great deal either. With art it +must be as with religion. To those who are called she speaks as the +Great Master to his disciples--'Leave father and mother, leave +all--and follow me.' You--Broome, you have written books to her +dictation. You know that is truth." + +The man's ardour and sincerity were irresistible, and Cuthbert Broome +answered in all seriousness: "Yes, my dear Martino, I know it. But +like all councils of perfection it is 'more honoured in the breach +than in observance'; except among pseudo-artists, who find it a +convenient cloak for egregious disregard of others. And in any case, +a man must be very sure of his call." + +"_Ebbene_--it is _I_ who am sure--for Sinclair. He doubts, because +he has modesty. But give him at least one chance to prove I am +right." + +He turned briskly upon Nevil. "You will speak to that man?" + +"Rather! But I believe they have odd prejudices--these Indians." + +Martino dismissed them with a snap of the fingers. "You show him the +sketch, my friend. It will suffice. But when?" + +"To-day, I hope. I'm to meet them at tea-time." He took out his +watch. "By Jove, it's late. I ought to go at once." + +"Be off, then; and bring me word to-morrow that all is arranged." + +"I thought of asking Sir Lakshman to dine with us to-night." + +"Good! Better than all. Then Martino can get in his word--and the +thing is done. Go now--and the saints prosper you." + +Nevil Sinclair went whistling along the passage and on down the wide +staircase to the first floor. In three days his world had grown +singularly interesting and stimulating. More than ever did he bless +the house-party that had driven him to Antibes. + +It was as Audrey had foreseen; his invitation to tea in the verandah +the day after the dance had been refused on the score of Lilamani's +shyness. Also, on that afternoon Sir Lakshman had promised her two +hours out in a boat with himself: but he hoped Mr. Sinclair would +come to them for tea on the following day. Mr. Sinclair had accepted +with alacrity; and--Audrey being "off duty"--had suggested a walk +with her along the sharply indented coast to the picturesque old town +of Antibes, returning, as of old, via the Lighthouse hill, highest +view-point of the headland. No word of the picture had been spoken; +Martino being too ill, for the moment, to be troubled with such +matters; and Nevil preferring to await his verdict before taking any +definite steps in the matter. Both had thoroughly enjoyed the easy +sense of comradeship, the picking up of dropped threads, and not +least the pleasant flavour of reminiscence running through it all. + +Only when Audrey had left him to stroll awhile on the gravel path +with his cigar, did the wandering thought slip into Sinclair's brain +that there went a woman who would make a man "sit up and do things," +if she cared for him; a wife such as Jane would surely approve, had +he any leaning toward marriage in the abstract, which he had not. +Hitherto, at all events, the modern man's dread of responsibility and +the artist's need of individual freedom had proved stronger than any +vagrant impulse of the heart. + +Yet the impression made on him by this girl was no light one. In +many ways he found her eminently to be desired; and now, looking +backward, he wondered vaguely why he had not fallen in love with her +years ago. Nor did he guess that other men, who also found her +eminently to be desired, had wondered the same thing without +stumbling on the discovery that, like many admirable girls of her +type, Audrey Hammond lacked altogether that indefinable essence +called charm, atmosphere. Even as a landscape at noon fails to +thrill the imagination as at sunset or dawn, so does the clear-cut, +self-complete woman of transition fail to stir the tumultuous deeps +of passion. In one respect, at least, evolving man remains eternally +the same--"it is mystery that he chases finally, not beauty or love +or any success." Like to like is for friendship. For love--that can +lift a man's heart near to worship--the charm that eludes, and by its +very elusiveness, holds him fast. + +Not that Sinclair, even now, realized all this any more than the rest +had done; but at least it was with a glow of satisfaction that--on +entering their sitting-room--he found Audrey alone, standing by the +tea-table in broad straw hat and cream serge coat. + +"You're not long in, then?" he said as they shook hands. "I thought +I was late." + +"You are late! So are we. Lilamani begged for another 'ride on the +sea'; though the glare was terrific and it gave her a headache." + +"She's coming in, though--I hope?" + +"Oh, yes. Are you so keen?" Her amused eyes scrutinized his face; +and in another moment the tale of the picture would have been told. +But lo, the door opened and the living picture appeared: simplicity's +self this time, in the creamy, clinging softness of Indian muslin; +only her _sari's_ hem threaded with the gold she loved. + +At sight of the tall fair man, whom she had scarcely taken in on that +bewildering evening, her head drooped delicately, while the blood +glowed under the clear olive of her cheek and throat. For an instant +it seemed as if she would turn and fly; then Audrey's protective arm +enclosed her, and Audrey's kindly voice of decision was at her ear. + +"Come, child, and shake hands with Mr. Sinclair. You mustn't be shy +with him. He is an old friend. Almost like my brother. I have been +telling him how you love riding on the sea in spite of glare and +headaches!" + +At the magic word her smile flashed on him like a light; and she +spoke with the eager spontaneity of a child while Audrey poured out +tea. + +"Oh, yes--yes. I love it! And to-day--it was wonderful, past +telling. No waves to ride upon; only a blue, blue bigness and +stillness, like gliding through the sky. How could I mind a little +ache of my head when my heart inside was 'kuroo-koo-ing' like a dove +in spring!" Sinclair's smile at the pretty conceit puzzled her, and +she added with shy apology: "You know there is not any sea in Central +India where I come from. It is only since these few weeks I have +known it for the first time. When you have known it always, perhaps +it does not seem so wonderful." + +"Indeed it does," he assured her. "More wonderful the better one +knows it; at least to those who have enough imagination to wonder at +anything. Audrey must let me introduce you to my artist friend, who +has been painting it for fifteen years; and declares he would not +come to the end of it if he could paint for a hundred. Then look at +sailors, who live on it, year in, year out----" + +"Ah, that would be better than all!" she broke in softly. "I feel +always I want to get out far, far, where it is all blue, over and +under; not even a trimming of land round the edge." + +Shyness had fallen from her like a cloak. Her serious eyes dwelt +confidently upon his face. The subject, the reassuring word +"brother"--most flexible in the Indian language--had wrought like a +charm; and Sir Lakshman Singh, entering while she spoke, had a shock +of surprise and pleasure, vaguely tinged with apprehension. + +"Glad to see you have made friends with my daughter," he said +genially as Sinclair rose to greet him. "And I hope you will justify +to her my high opinion of your country. For her, at present, you are +representing the whole English race; which I have taught her to +admire as I do myself." + +"A poor look-out for England if she's to be judged by me!" Sinclair +retorted, laughing. "The sooner I introduce your daughter to my +friend, Mr. Cuthbert Broome, the better. I shall hardly dare open my +lips to her now." + +"Oh, please--please," Lilamani murmured so distressfully that +everyone laughed, and that sent the blood tingling into her cheeks. +"He was praising the sea, father," she added, bravely ignoring her +discomfiture. "He could not begin better, could he?" The words were +for her father; but her shy glance was for Sinclair, who answered it +forthwith. + +"It's easy talking. But what will you think when I say that my +father wished me to serve my country on the sea, and--I refused." + +She shook her head incredulously at the slab of cake she was +crumbling with nervous fingers. + +"It is hard to believe. But--how can I tell? There might be +difficulties----" + +"Oh, there were--there were! One of the biggest was that I would +rather paint the sea than live on it, any day----" + +"Ah," she looked up again, all eagerness. "You also paint +pictures--like your friend?" + +"Yes. I paint pictures; but not like my friend. I wish I could," he +answered ruefully, scanning as he spoke the radiantly receptive face, +and wondering how he--the "double-distilled amateur"---dared aspire +to render its quicksilver quality in the lifeless medium of paint and +canvas. + +Yet the resolve to aspire remained; and mention of his art having +slipped in, by a happy chance, he dwelt upon it guilefully in view of +that which was to come. To Sir Lakshman the subject was a congenial +one. The two men were soon deep in animated talk; while Lilamani sat +entranced, drinking it all in as an opening flower drinks in sun and +dew; and even taking her own small share in it without a trace of the +overwhelming shyness that had baffled and disappointed Nevil at the +start. Her intelligence amazed him. Audrey was right. She was more +than a picture, after all; more than a child, too, it seemed, though +even now he scarce regarded her as woman. + +A memorable tea-drinking it was for all; though at the time none +guessed its significance save Nevil himself, increasingly aware as he +was of hidden depths stirred by the wind of the spirit, that bloweth +where it listeth, making music through the children of men as the +wind of earth through an Æolian harp. + +The invitation to dinner, lightly given and lightly accepted, the +suggestion--Lilamani's--that when next they rode upon the great deep +he should come also, filled him with a boyish exultation out of all +proportion to the bare facts; and the dinner itself confirmed his +hopeful mood. Sir Lakshman, having spoken once or twice to Broome, +and read much of his work, welcomed a chance of closer intimacy; and +Martino, mindful of the hidden houri, plied his tongue of gold to +good purpose throughout the meal. + +But the subject of the evening was not broached till privacy and the +congenial atmosphere of the "studio" paved the way for confidential +talk. Broome had not yet come up, and Martino was rummaging in the +adjacent bedroom for a couple of Italian studies, when Nevil took his +courage in both hands--and spoke. + +"Sir Lakshman Singh, I have a confession to make--and a favour to +ask," he said simply. + +"A confession--to me? On so slight acquaintance?" the Indian asked +with his kindly smile. + +"Yes. It sounds odd. But, you see--it's like this----" + +A moment of tingling hesitation, then it all came out in +straightforward, boyish speech--the vision, the temptation, the +resulting sketch, and--with a fresh access of boldness--the final +aspiration fostered by Martino's praise. + +Sir Lakshman listened with contracted brows, and Martino, returning +while the tale was in progress, could scarce restrain his good word +till their guest had spoken his mind: no easy matter for a man torn +between clear vision of the Western standpoint, and innate recoil +from its application to his Jewel of Delight. + +"I fear you will not understand me in this matter, so well as I +understand you," he said at last, courteously, yet not without +constraint; for the high-caste Hindu does not speak of his women folk +to other men. "If I were English, doubtless I should feel flattered +by your request. As it is--well--I have allowed my daughter, for +good reasons, to break through the customs of my caste and country. +But to remove a screen is not miraculously to remove all--that the +screen implies. For the women of India the significance of Purdah is +deeper and more complex than we can ever hope to make Westerns +believe. It is ingrained in the soul of the race. It is----" He +paused, looking from one to the other, increasingly reluctant, and +all that was best in Sinclair sprang spontaneously to his aid. + +"If the notion distresses you, Sir Lakshman," said he, "please think +no more of it. In fact--if you really wish it---I will tear up my +sketch----" + +"By God, Sinclair, you shall do no such madness!" Martino broke in +hoarsely; then turning upon the Hindu, twin flames in his eyes: "Sir, +you do not understand what it means for him to say that. He has in +him the divine spark. I know it--I. And beauty like that of your +daughter----" + +"Shut up, Martino, for God's sake!" Sinclair cried out, goaded to +irritability by the uncertainty that racked him, as the artist was +swift to understand. + +"Then talk no more madness," said he, with less heat. "And at least +show your work to Sir Lakshman Singh, that he may judge if I have not +right in what I say." + +"Yes--yes, let me see what you have done." Repressed eagerness +lurked in the father's tone; and Nevil, too perturbed for speech, +took up his book, doubled it backwards, and handed it to the arbiter +of his Fate. For the moment, he felt as though all things worth +anything hung upon Sir Lakshman's "Yes" or "No": and in truth more +hung upon it than either guessed. + +"Thank you," he said quietly; and rising, went over to the electric +light near the bed. Here he stood, with his back half turned, +considering the handiwork of this bold young man, who could dare to +reproduce his Lilamani--daughter of his heart. + +Followed a tense silence, that would have been broken by Martino but +for an imperious gesture from his friend. Then Sir Lakshman faced +them again, his features schooled to a composure that was far from +him. "It is herself," he said, as quietly as he had said "Thank +you." "Signor Martino is right about your gift. You must use +it--use it. But--there are other beautiful subjects; and that you +should make a living picture of--of her, for all the world to look +on..." + +"No--no, not that," Nevil interposed, and the sympathetic +understanding in his voice brought him nearer his heart's desire than +all that had gone before. "I am not a professional. If you allow me +to paint a figure study of your daughter, I would only ask leave to +show it to Signor Martino and his friend, a noted painter in Paris; +also perhaps, to my father; because their opinions might just prove +the turning-point in my life. For the rest, the picture remains my +private property; or--if it proves worth accepting--yours, to do with +as you please." + +"Mine!" Sir Lakshman echoed in amaze. "But, my dear sir, I, a +stranger, have no right to accept your work--that may be of value----" + +"Only in so far as it may justify my choice of a career. If it does +that, I can do no less than offer it to you as a token of gratitude +for your permission, and as a reminder of your daughter, while she is +away from you at college." + +It was a few seconds before the Indian could command his voice; +then--"You know too well how to tempt a father, Mr. Sinclair," he +said feelingly. "And I can do no less than accept, gratefully, your +offer and your gift; unless my daughter should shrink altogether from +the idea. I would not for the world subject her to such an ordeal +against her will. But I will speak to her." + +"When?" The eager question leapt from Sinclair's lips and eyes, and +the older man smiled. + +"You are young--therefore impatient." He drew out his watch. "If I +go now, I can talk with her to-night; then you shall have your answer +the first thing in the morning." + +"And if all's well--I could start in the afternoon?" + +"Yes; in the afternoon." + +"I shan't sleep for thinking of it!" Nevil declared as they shook +hands. + +But, being young, he did sleep--soundly; though impatience waked him +long before his usual hour; and, once awake, the turmoil within gave +him no rest. He breakfasted alone with the waiters and one English +girl--pretty, and fresh-looking, clearly a lover of the morning. +Then, while the tables were filling, he paced the empty pathway to +the sea, making glowworms with his cigarette--to no purpose. For the +first time in his life the fire of genuine enthusiasm burned in him; +and he knew that until now he had not truly lived; that now, if the +chance were given him, he could not fail of success. Like most men +of the age he had early lost the habit of prayer: but intensity of +hope and desire brought him nearer to it than he had been for years. + +On turning for the second time in his caged-lion walk, he sighted +Audrey's grey figure at the foot of the steps, and hurried forward. +Not so she; and her smile, as she drew near, had a touch of +constraint as yet unknown to him. + +But he could not stay to consider that. + +"You have brought Sir Lakshman's consent?" he cried in one breath. + +"Yes," she answered coolly. He had never dreamed her eyes could look +so hard. + +"And you don't approve?" + +Her straight brows went up ever so little. + +"I? Do I count at all?" + +"Of course you do. But still----" + +"But still--not enough to matter; which amounts to not at all. Yet +it is I who brought her here, Nevil. It is I who am devoting my +hardly-earned leave to her. Surely you might have consulted me +before making a proposal that is bound to distract her from studies, +on which I have trouble enough to hold her attention as it is----" + +"I thought so!" Nevil cried, triumphant and quite unrepentant. +"She's not the type. And if they are uncongenial, why press them on +her?" + +"For very good reasons--that are no concern of yours," she answered, +looking him straight in the eyes. But he wore his elation like a +shirt of chain mail, and merely asked with interest: + +"Does she mind much--about sitting to me?" + +"Yes. She rather dreads it; I can see that. But her father could +not conceal his pleasure at the idea, and for his sake she made light +of her natural recoil from it. We talked of it afterwards, she and +I; but she begged me not to let him know. I confess I did my best to +make her retract her consent; you may think what you please of me. +But I didn't see why my carefully thought out plans should be put out +for the mere whim of an idler----" + +He winced. "I say, Audrey, don't hit so hard. It's more than a +whim. You know that. And I do think you're a bit selfish----" + +"Selfish? Of course I am!" she flashed out with her formidable +directness. "We're all selfish, whether we admit it or not. It's +the main motive power of human achievement. You've as much right to +yours, after all--as I have to mine. But still--it does seem hard +that the child's studies, which are important for her and may mean a +great deal to me, should be interrupted--perhaps upset----" + +Genuine emotion checked her, and roused at once the natural +kindliness of the man. "Aren't you making more of it than you need, +Audrey?" he asked gently, and she drew in her lips, hiding their +tendency to soften at his tone. "A sitting every other day will do +for me, and in between you can cram as much into her as you please. +The whole thing won't take much more than a fortnight. I'm no +portrait painter; it can only be a study. Then you can wipe me out +of your sacred programme altogether, if you choose!" + +"That remains to be seen!" she answered, forcing a smile as she +turned away. He made as if to go along with her, but she waved him +back. "You're very nice about it, Nevil, or you wouldn't be you. +But just at present I shouldn't be good company. We'll be ready for +you this afternoon." + +"And will you ask Miss Lakshman Singh to wear that mother-o'-pearl +_sari_?" + +"Oh, yes." + +"Much ado about nothing," he mused, looking after her. "Queer +creatures women--even the soundest." + +Then he sauntered back again toward the grey rocks and the myrtle +bushes and the many-twinkling smile of ocean, seeing visions and +dreaming dreams. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + "Drive nature out with a fork;--she comes running back." + HORACE. + + +Lilamani stood alone upon her balcony--her "House of Gods," she had +named it--feeling a little lost without her private shrine dear to +Hindu womanhood. And here was a shrine indeed: roofed with turquoise +of heaven, paved with sapphire of the sea. The trees set about its +portals were rough-cut emerald and jade; and the grey-white rocks +that broke up the sapphire into foam of diamonds--what were they? +Here she was at a loss. The rocks, it seemed, stoutly refused to be +anything but rocks; and it pleased her whimsical fancy to set this +down to the natural obstinacy of their hearts. Surely no Hindu +woman--not even the queens of immemorial times when _purdah_ was +not--could have possessed a House of Gods so richly jewelled; so +vast, yet so intimate in its appeal alike to sense and spirit. + +Here she came when the demands of her new life, or intrusive thoughts +of troubles ahead, perturbed beyond measure that inner calm which +broods at the core of Hindu faith. And here she came now to steady +herself for the impending ordeal; accepted with joy, despite hidden +tremors, because of the gift that would gladden the father she was so +soon to lose--for a time; only for a time. Thought of that parting +she had not yet schooled herself to face; and to-day the need of the +moment eclipsed all else. + +She stood very still, as always in these mystical moods of hers; that +were, in truth, but a spontaneous surrender of her whole being to the +strong serene influences wherewith light and colour baptize the +receptive soul. To-day, from shore line to sky line, the sea's vast +breadth rose and fell like the breasts of the blue goddess Durga in +her sleep. The very wavelets lapping against the rocks were too lazy +to laugh in foam. To her it seemed that the Gods of her pantheon +blessed her decision, and reassured her tremulous spirit; stilling +its nameless fears. She--a brave man's daughter--who had so boldly +taken the first step toward freedom, ought by no means to shrink from +the lesser penalties involved. And she would not shrink; not even in +thought. Her father's willingness to grant so unorthodox a favour +should suffice for his child. + +The fact that this god-like young man, with threads of sunlight in +his hair and the sea's changeful laughter in his eyes, was of an +alien race, seemed to make possible that which could else be scarce +endured. For, if publicity be thrust upon a Purdahnashin, +race-distance strangely lessens the sense of impropriety. Besides, +this Mr. Sinclair--she named him shyly--was Audrey's friend: almost +her brother. No; most certainly she would not shrink. She would +look at and speak with him straightly, even as Audrey did. She would +be calm, without and within. Not so much as one foolish pulse should +flutter-- + +Then, the door-handle turned; a man's step sounded in the room behind +her; and she stood transfixed, while the hammering of her +pulses--that were not even to flutter--filled all space. How should +she face him, she--the courageous one--who had even now commanded the +waves of the sea and believed they would obey her? What had become +of Audrey, of her father, that they had left her to face--this, +without them? + +Then--with a glad start, she recognized her father's footsteps also. +Yet could she not bring herself to turn till he came close behind +her, and spoke softly in her own tongue. + +"Art worshipping, child?" + +"Seeking a sign, rather. And the omens be favourable!" + +Her smile was a triumph of luminous serenity; and the man's last +doubts were stilled. "It is well," said he; adding in English: +"Come, then. Mr. Sinclair is here, and ready to begin." + +Sinclair, who had busied himself, tactfully, with colour and tubes, +came forward. + +"I'm afraid you dislike the whole thing," he said, hoping by frank +friendliness to put her at ease. "And it makes me feel rather like a +dentist preparing to operate!" + +"I have never seen a dentist," she answered sweetly. "And I can't +tell if I will dislike it--till I've tried! But I am quite pleased +to try. It is so wonderful--" her eyes dwelt thoughtfully upon the +clean expanse of canvas. "Nothing there now! Yet in one week, or +two, I will see my own reflection, as in a mirror----" + +"I wish I could believe that!" Sinclair was squeezing paints on to +his palette. "You shall see the nearest that my unpractised brush +can create." + +"You have the modesty of true talent," Sir Lakshman interposed. +"Show my daughter the creation of your pencil." + +Nevil, who had not come without his treasure, put the open book into +her hands; and while she stood absorbed--fascinated as a child might +be at first sight of its own image--he made a few preliminary strokes +upon that blank canvas which stood for him as the possible +turning-point in his life. + +It was at this moment that Audrey entered, and paused in the doorway, +watching her pupil with an odd contraction of the heart. Never had +book or dissertation of hers brought that rapt look to Lilamani's +face. Was she then, for all her brains and courage, no true pioneer +student; but mere woman, such as India breeds by the thousand? At +least this annoying interruption might have the merit of putting her +to the proof. Here Lilamani, disturbed by the double scrutiny, +looked up; and, meeting Sinclair's narrowed gaze, pulled her _sari_ +forward with the petulant imperiousness of a spoilt child. Dignity +and thought of her father alone saved her from ignominious flight. + +"Oh, no--that's hard lines----" she heard Sinclair say; and the ring +of disappointment in his tone smote her sensitiveness more sharply +than rebuke. + +"I am sorry. I promise not to be foolish any more," she murmured +penitently, and was reassured by the support of Sir Lakshman's arm. + +"Sit down, my child," he said tenderly, drawing her to a chair beside +the table. "Just lean on one elbow, as in the sketch; and if you are +not caring to talk, then read. Only Mr. Sinclair must be permitted +to see your face!" + +"Yes. That is the trouble!" she answered, flushing and smiling +tremulously, as she arranged her veil. "If I may read, I will have +my little 'Wisdom and Destiny,' please." + +But a haunting sense of the man's concentration on her affected her +like a lantern flashed in her eyes: and Nevil, keenly aware of her +quivering sensibilities, contented himself with as brief a sitting as +might be. + +Sir Lakshman, having promised to drive with Broome, went out, leaving +an abnormally studious daughter behind him; and Nevil devoted himself +not unreadily to the delicate task of toning down Audrey's +disapproval. It troubled his kindly nature to feel out of gear with +any unit of his world; and by way of practical conciliation he +suggested driving her into Cannes next day in the motor chartered by +himself and Broome. + +"You could leave Miss Lakshman Singh with something to prepare for +you, and it will give her a nice quiet time for the deep studies I am +so wantonly interrupting!" he added, with an irrepressible twinkle, +and had the satisfaction of producing the double effect he hoped for. +Audrey was manifestly pleased; and Miss Lakshman Singh looked up, an +answering gleam in her eyes. + +"Audrey knows too well that it would be Browning or Maeterlinck or +Miss Sorabji the minute her back was turned!" + +Nevil laughed. + +"A hopeful pupil! I don't know Miss Sorabji. But there's a deal to +be learnt from the other two--even if it's not physics. Three +o'clock suit you, Audrey?" + +"I've not accepted yet!" + +"Not? Why, your eyes said 'yes' the minute I spoke." + +"Pure conceit on your part! They merely said it would be nice; but, +in the face of Lilamani's confession, surely--inconsistent?" + +"Therefore human! Consistency is the bugbear of small minds; and +I've always believed yours to be--quite the reverse!" + +At that, Audrey, the self-possessed, blushed for the first time in +many years; and being awkwardly aware of the fact blushed deeper +still. "Really, Nevil, you are too foolish for words," was all she +said. + +But Nevil knew he had gained his point, and made his peace with her, +for the moment at least. "Three o'clock sharp, then," he said as he +covered the easel. "And for you," turning to Lilamani, "Friday at +the same time?" + +"Yes--yes." + +Her hesitancy distressed him. + +"Not unless you feel inclined, of course," he added at once. "You've +only to send me word. I shall understand." + +"Because you are so kind," she murmured shyly. "But I have promised +not to be foolish any more; and the Wise Man, Truth-named, says that +to break one's word is 'damage to Sainthood.'" + +"Well said--the Wise Man! And who may he be?" + +"He is my chosen Guru--since I left India. I found him in Miss +Sorabji's book. Some day, if the gods are kind, I may find him in +the flesh and tell him how he helped for making me be brave." + +"I ought to thank him too for that. And, look here, since you're so +strict about promises, will you promise me something else?" + +"Ah--what?" + +"Nothing very terrible! Only that you and your father will have tea +in the verandah with Audrey and me when we get back, if I engage a +table right at the far end. Do!" + +"Oh--but----" her startled eyes begged help from Audrey--in vain. + +"Try it, Lilamani," said she, "and see how it feels." + +"Very well--if I must--I promise." + +And so he took his leave; well pleased, and hopeful, though little +enough had been achieved--on canvas. + +The next afternoon's programme--motoring with Audrey, the Casino band +and a turn at the tables, proved no less enjoyable to this man of +catholic tastes; though an under-current of longing to be back at the +picture that meant so much to him, made him a trifle _distrait_ +during the drive, and disposed him to talk a good deal about "that +charming child." For such was still his main view of her; and Audrey +found herself singularly ready to encourage it; though, for a woman +of her type, the encouragement of a fallacy was as little consistent +as motoring into Cannes with a young man, when she ought to have been +reading physiology with the brand snatched from the burning. + +They went alone, Nevil being an accomplished driver; and Broome, with +ready tact, refusing the invitation that he was clearly not meant to +accept. Not that he had by any means solved his problem yet; but +that he preferred to glean such crumbs of observation as Fate flung +in his path. The tea-party at the end of the verandah, obviously a +Fate-flung morsel, proved irresistible. Nor was he disappointed, +when, after greetings and introduction he sat down opposite the +"houri"; and--while talking to her father--absorbed, as through a +sixth sense, the essence of her quality and charm. For to-day, she +waxed "braver" than Nevil had seen her yet; and he made good the +chance of watching her expressive face in motion while it was his. + +So it befell that Audrey soon found herself the odd man out in the +little group: a position uncongenial to all save the speculative +observer, and at the moment doubly uncongenial to her. She had come +back feeling very much at peace with herself and the world, for no +particular reason that she knew of; except that she believed motoring +to be good for the nerves. But before tea was over, the restless +discomfort that had puzzled her yesterday afternoon was upon her +again. Not feverishness; for her blood was cool and her pulses +steady. Nor did she feel ill: merely ill at ease; though discomfort +amounted to irritation when Mrs. Heath fluttered up with Miss +Blakeney, and the burden of making small talk for their benefit fell +mainly upon her. Even when Miss Blakeney succeeded in detaching +Nevil from "the Hindu child," Lilamani--instead of helping--relapsed +into shyness and monosyllables; for the which she was rated severely +when the two found themselves alone again upstairs. + +"It's nonsense being so shy with two women, after talking to Nevil so +that I couldn't get in a word." + +Her tone was sterner than need be; and Lilamani listened in wide-eyed +dismay. + +"Audrey--don't call it nonsense," she pleaded. "Mr. Sinclair is +seeming to talk another kind of language--I can't explain. Don't you +understand?" + +Yes; in a measure, Audrey understood. But for the moment she was +cross, even with Lilamani, whom she loved, in the repressed +undemonstrative fashion that was hers. So she merely said: "Of +course they're less interesting. But if you're going to be so +fanciful and fastidious, we shall never get on at all." + +To which Lilamani made answer quite gently: "I don't like you when +you're cross, Audrey; and it's nicer having tea upstairs." + +They had it upstairs next day, and all went well. Sir Lakshman left +them afterwards, for a stroll with Broome; and Nevil looked to a +longer sitting and fuller achievement than before. Only one item was +amiss. In place of the mother-o'-pearl _sari_, she wore the primrose +and gold in which he had seen her first. But not till he had begun +painting and charmed away her self-consciousness did he venture any +comment on the fact. + +Then he said, as if by the way: "I wonder whether you realize that I +wanted you to wear that grey and gold every time?" + +"Yes, I did think so," she answered, smiling. "But--it seemed not to +fit my mind to-day. You see, for me, colours are nearly same as +people. Sometimes you are needing one, sometimes another. And if I +am always wearing the one you want, by order, it is same as if you +told me what words I must speak whenever you come!" + +"Heaven forbid!" cried Nevil, laughter in his eyes; and she, with +pretty imperiousness, tremors forgotten: + +"If you were so much--_zubberdust_* as that, I would soon say 'no +more picture'--even for father's sake!" + + +* Tyrannical. + + +"Then I won't be '_zubberdust_'--whatever that may be. I must have +my picture now, at any price. But if I'm to achieve that _sari_, +I've got to see it sometimes. Perhaps being painted will induce the +mother-o'-pearl mood! What do you think?" + +"I think you understand my silliness better than anyone--only +father," she answered simply as a child. "And I think when I am in +golden mood, or almond-blossom mood, we might have that _sari_ thrown +over the sofa, to help you. Is that good?" + +"Very good." + +"Shall I fetch it now?" + +"Oh, no--don't trouble." + +"But it's not trouble." + +She ran lightly out; and Audrey, who had opened a book, glanced up, +frowning. + +"Don't talk too much nonsense to her, Nevil. You'll turn the child's +head." + +Her tone had an edge to it that surprised herself as much as him; and +provoked him to the retort discourteous. + +"It's _you_ that are talking nonsense, Audrey. For Heaven's sake +don't say anything repressive when she comes back, and spoil the +pains I've taken to put her at ease." + +Audrey shrugged her shoulders and went on reading; for she--who took +pride in her full command of the emotions--dared not trust her own +voice. A physical feeling of weight on her chest unsteadied her +breathing, while the blood tingled in her veins. It was +absurd--almost degrading--that a woman of her good sense and +convictions should allow the tone or manner of any man so to disturb +her regal equanimity. Clearly something must be wrong. If only Sir +Lakshman would come back, she could go out and walk it off. Till +then--what on earth was Lilamani doing? To-day everything and +everyone seemed in league to set her nerves on edge. + +A few seconds later the girl reappeared; and the reason of her delay +was obvious. + +"Oh, but I never meant you to put it all on for me!" Nevil exclaimed +in such evident delight that she laughed softly and clapped her small +hands without sound. + +"I did not mean either. It--it simply happened!" + +"Great luck--for me! The mood came?" + +"Yes--in touching it, I wished suddenly to wear it; and also--I knew +it would give pleasure--to you." + +Her shy hesitancy added grace to the last words; and Audrey did not +miss the softening of Nevil's eyes as he answered: "I can't tell you +how much pleasure it gives me. But you must obey your colour-moods. +I believe in them. And I'll make the most of my chances when they +come." + +The little incident seemed magically to affect her spirits; and Nevil +drew from her by degrees a hidden store of shy, poetic intuitions as +to the eloquence and significance of colour; a topic on which he +found her far richer in ideas than himself. + +For a while Audrey joined their talk. But the subject was too +fanciful for her taste; and soon--quite without intention on their +part--she found herself, as it were, edged out. Again that tingling, +as of red-hot needle-points under her skin; that longing to move, to +shake herself free of this nameless something that oppressed her, +body and mind. If only Sir Lakshman would come back! + +In the meantime she did not choose to force herself into their +_tête-à-tête_; nor would she sit merely on guard, while they laughed +and talked. Quietly taking up her book, she went out through the +French window on to Lilamani's balcony, and stood with her back to +the room, while the wind caressed her burning cheeks. Why this +unwonted irritation because Nevil, her friend, had so rapidly +succeeded in lifting a corner of the veil that Lilamani would always +wear, figuratively, with strangers, though in fact she had cast it +aside? It was so little-minded, so unlike her normal self---- + +At this point their voices interrupted her thoughts; and she sat +down, keeping Lilamani's face in view. Nevil was urging her to cap +yesterday afternoon's courage by dining downstairs; and Lilamani's +gentle, decisive refusal soothed Audrey strangely. But Nevil was not +the man to accept it without demur. + +"You say you are interested in the people you watch from your +balcony," he persisted genially. "Yet you don't want to see more of +them close at hand. Why?" + +The girl drew her delicate brows together. "It does seem all wrong +when you say it. But it's true--both ways. I wonder--can I make you +understand?" + +She leaned an elbow on the table; and while she spoke Nevil's hand +moved swiftly, capturing the gracious curves of head and shoulder and +arm. + +"I think it is really that I love only to watch them all--far away +down there, and plan my own tales about them. But when they come +close, they make so much noise with talk about foolish little things +that my thoughts all get broken up, like water-reflections when you +put your hand into the tank. From the balcony I see them coming and +going. I see them talking and smiling; but their words are never +reaching me. When I like some faces very much I watch for them to +come again, and then ... sometimes ... you mustn't laugh!--I make +mind-pictures of their souls." + +"Laugh? Of course not!" The best and gentlest that was in his own +soul looked out of the man's eyes. "Do we all carry them in our +faces plainly to be seen?" + +"Oh, no. Many do not seem to be at all. Others are small and +hidden, like pools, grown upon with weeds. But there are some--oh +some--they shine clear and still like lakes making mirrors for sun +and sky. My father's is of that kind. Have you not seen?" + +"Yes--I have seen. It is good to know men like your father, even a +little. You would find a picture something like that in the eyes of +my friend Broome." + +Her face lit up. "That man I saw yesterday with gold in his beard? +Oh, yes! But his soul is all sparkling like the sea over here." + +"Good indeed! Yet you hardly spoke to him at all." + +"My pictures come more clearly without speaking. I told you--it +interrupts!" + +"You're a white witch!" he said, laughing. "And are all your +soul-pictures of water?" + +"No. Some are sky and clouds. Some birds. Some walled +courtyards----" + +"And mine? Have you made a picture of mine? Do tell me." + +Audrey--out on the balcony, frowned at the intrusion of the personal +note, and contemplated a return to her post, the more so when she saw +that Lilamani veiled her eyes. But curiosity gained the day. + +"It is difficult," the girl said softly; and Nevil wished his picture +more advanced that he might catch the veiled blush permeating the +olive tint of her skin. + +"Why? Because you see it like a mud-puddle with a star or two +dropped into it?" + +"But no--no!" The imputation unloosed her tongue. "I see it like +one of those glad, quickly-moving rivers in the hills that I am +reading about in books. How shall I truly paint it for you? There +are rocks, and bending trees, and birds--you know----" + +"Yes--I know quite well. And an aimless, chattering stream, dodging +to and fro, and achieving nothing----" + +"Oh, no--you are unkind! I did not mean it so----" + +The tremor in her voice smote the strongest chord of his manhood. + +"Of course you didn't. Forgive my nonsense," he said hastily. "I +quite understand; and you couldn't have painted a truer picture. Ask +Audrey." + +The girl outside started; and to her relief Lilamani sprang up with a +cry of joy: "Here comes my father! And--oh--there is someone +else----" + +As Sir Lakshman entered with Cuthbert Broome, Audrey stepped in from +the balcony, determined on flight. Not that she admitted the +ignominious word into her mind. Her ostensible excuse was shopping +in Antibes; and before starting, she--who inveighed against +stimulant, except in illness--took a dose of Lilamani's sal volatile +to still the flutter of her heart. It was bad enough owning to +nerves at all. But this haunting discomfort could by no means be +ignored; and instinctively she sought a physical basis for most forms +of mental disturbance. + +The tram, with its chattering "fares" and the prosaic business of +shopping shut out, for a space, the memory of those two voices that +had so annoyingly perturbed her: and reduced, at last, to her normal +calm, she decided to complete the cure by a brisk walk back along the +coast. But she had not gone far before she discovered her mistake. +Unquestionably she should have been faithful to the tram. For along +this path by the sea she had walked scores of times with Nevil, in +the old days; and again only four days earlier in simple, unthinking +content. And now---- + +What folly was this that had gotten hold of her? At each turn of the +road some memory waylaid her of Nevil's face, and Nevil's friendly +presence; the sympathetic inflections of his voice; the smile lurking +always beneath his gravest mood. Breaking wavelets whispered his +name at her feet. Sun and sky shouted it overhead. Look where she +would, his face smiled back at her, in imperturbable disregard of her +bewilderment and distress. With a dry sob in her throat, she sank +upon a rock and covered her eyes, as if the vision she would escape +came from without, not from within. + +But the act was instinctive, merely. She knew now--and raged against +the knowledge, like a trapped beast--that she, even she, had fallen +in love. Nature, careless of individual conviction, had wrenched the +heart out of her body, and given it to a man, who no more needed it +than she needed the pebbles at her feet: a man by no means her match +in forcefulness of purpose or of will. + +The thought burned in her till all her body seemed one flame. What +right had he to take possession of her thus, against her will? The +thing challenged her pride; her perverted spirit of antagonism +against all that man stood for in the average woman's life. From +earliest girlhood she had taken her stand with the advanced guard of +her kind; had even presumed to despise the average woman and all her +works. And now--behold her punishment! Scorn is a slippery weapon; +apt to turn in the hand. It was the twisted blade of her own scorn +that cut most deeply into Audrey Hammond's heart. With the inherent +stoicism that was hers, she repudiated her discovery; denied it; +trampled on it--to no purpose. Finally she rose on the decision that +at least she could conquer it--unless---- + +Again that tingling of hot needle-points in her veins. Not even in +thought would she complete her broken sentence. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +"There stood one with a heart in her hands: there sat another with +hers in a cage:--and the tale goes on."--HEWLETT. + + +If those two first sittings had proved trying to Audrey, they were as +nothing to the later ones that followed upon her disastrous walk by +the sea. + +Whenever Sir Lakshman Singh's presence set her free, she would find +some valid excuse for slipping away to the garden; or the piano; or +better still, to spend an hour with Madame de Lisle and her boy, +whose trouble was of a kind that her practical nature could help and +understand. This is what comes of putting one's life into the hands +of a _man_, she would reflect, by way of consolation, whenever +Monsieur de Lisle's folly and selfishness reacted more sharply than +usual upon his wife and child. But the consolation did not strike +deep, and do what she might, the thought of the two, left in the +sitting-room, knocked incessantly at her heart. The primitive woman +in her--long repressed and denied--rose up with might and taught her, +at first hand, some plain truths that she had little will to learn. +She, who took her stand upon self-knowledge, found suddenly that she +had a stranger to reckon with--and that stranger, Audrey Hammond. +For love, like all great natural disturbances, stirs up best and +worst alike from the deep waters of the human heart. Had it come to +this, that she was actually jealous of Lilamani, because Nevil's eyes +and mind were concentrated upon her with increasing delight as the +picture grew under his hand? So much at least was patent; even as +the change in her--smother it how she might--was patent to Nevil. He +set it down to her original disapproval; and was disappointed to find +her so obstinate over a question settled past dispute. + +But, for him, every minor consideration was dwarfed by the one thing +that mattered: his picture, that already whispered of success, and +the quickening sense of power that grew by what it fed on. There was +a delicate pleasure, also, in the pursuit of an intimacy by no means +to be hurried or unduly pressed. For all her young simplicity and +flashes of confidence, this alluring child of an ancient race was +still, in his eyes, almost as much a thing apart from the common +round of life as she had seemed at first sight. Still, for him, she +was the Arabian Nights' Princess brought hither by a kindly Fate to +save him from the ambitions of others and kindle his spark of talent +to a flame. Something of this Audrey guessed, and rated herself +roundly for the relief it brought her. It was not Lilamani, it was +the picture that enthralled him. With its completion, he would +retreat to his allegiance; and then--then---- + +But at this point the old unawakened Audrey would slam the door +sternly upon vain imaginings unworthy an enlightened woman. + +And Lilamani? + +For her this week--charged with a hidden drama--was a time of mental +and spiritual changes the more vital because they were evolving +unawares. Nor had they any direct relation to the studies so +zealously pressed upon her by Audrey. These traversed only the +surface of her mind, leaving few and hazy impressions in their wake. +From books more inspiring than any in Audrey's trunk she had learnt +astonishingly much for her years; and now her hidden self whispered +that it were well to learn something of her fellow-beings direct from +life; or, in other words, from the blue eyes and golden speech of the +first white man Fate had flung in her path of life. + +All unguessed by her the folded flower of her heart was opening, like +a lotus to the moon, under an influence silent and irresistible as +that which draws petal from petal till the shining secret stands +revealed. She only knew that the dreaded sittings had become the +pivot round which all lesser lights revolved; that the days between +seemed empty and unsatisfying; the more so, because those days were +disfigured by Audrey's battalions of the "ugly words" that hurt her +mind. "Hygiene," "oxygen," "structural physiology": she grew to hate +the sound of them; to wonder how she would ever face those dreadful +"exams," whose mission was simply to give her a free pass back to +India, as a woman qualified to live her own life, and to help those +who could not or would not desert the beaten track. + +But what if she herself found the unbeaten one too steep, too stony? +No--no. That were mere weakness. By some means she must attain her +goal; though at present its far-off gleam was dimmed by emotions more +immediate in their appeal to her budding womanhood than any she had +yet known. + +So it befell that she let Sinclair persuade her to join a tea-party +in the studio, where she was presented to Martino and ravished his +inflammable heart. Nay more, she spent two evenings downstairs, +losing, each time, a little of that paralyzing shyness induced by +strange human beings in the mass. It cost her a greater effort than +Audrey or Sir Lakshman knew; and both times she had her reward. +Nevil devoted himself to her as gallantly as though he divined that +the effort had been made for his pleasure; and Broome began to ask +himself, was it, after all, not the picture, but the "houri"? + +As for Audrey, it was useless to repeat that the craze would pass, +that there could be no possibility of serious complications between +such mighty opposites. She was in the grip of an emotion that is +deaf to reason, nor regards the great god Common Sense, under whose +banner she had lived and moved. On the second occasion she could +scarce speak naturally to Lilamani when they reached their rooms; and +the girl, who had come up a-flutter with the thrill of her new +gladness, had gone to bed chilled, puzzled, almost unhappy. + +So day by day the love and confidence that had been between them were +dimmed by friction and constraint; and more trying than all--for each +in her degree--were the morning hours of study. New faces, new +imaginings, and the thrill enhancing both, estranged Lilamani more +than ever from Audrey's bone-dry discourses on conditions of health +and disease. The call of youth in her blood was ten times more +commanding than any appeal to her intellect or ambition. Again and +again, in defiance of brave resolves, her fancy would wander off at +will, while Audrey's voice, reading or explaining, formed a sonorous +accompaniment to the airy visions of her dream. + +Audrey, meanwhile, had her own private devils to fight; and the fact +that at times they mastered her, bred a smothered irritability that +too often flashed out in sarcasm, or sharp speech. Her pupil's +increasing absentmindedness annoyed her as never before. Nevil's +doing, she could have sworn it. Whether he were merely turning the +girl's head or disturbing her heart, some sort of veiled warning +seemed advisable. Yet she shrank from engendering by premature +speech, ideas that might never occur to this unsophisticated child of +seclusion. + +In any case the effect upon her studies was obvious. Each morning +Audrey was maddened afresh by a sense of ploughing the sands. Each +morning, when books, notes, and pencils were put away, the mutual +sigh of relief became harder to restrain. Whenever Audrey's vexation +flashed out, Lilamani's penitence would have disarmed a stone. But +no penitence, however genuine, saved her from relapse next day: and +at last, after a week of mingled happiness and strain, the inevitable +crisis came. + +It was a day of sudden, still heat. Even the persistent light wind +of the Riviera seemed too lazy to blow. And it is on just such balmy +days that imagination, like the swallow, soars highest into the blue; +as Lilamani found to her cost. + +To-day her mood was less rebellious than usual. She was making an +honest effort to "be good" and "attend." But Audrey's chosen subject +was not a happy one; nor had she the art of infusing life into dead +facts. Her remarks on sick-room hygiene, illustrated by Indian +experiences, were eminently sane, eminently practical; while Lilamani +sat still as a mouse under a cat's claw, a pencil in her fingers, her +eyes on the brilliant strip of sky and tree-tops framed by the open +French windows. Vainly she clutched at each sentence, trying not to +let it slip out of her mind as it passed; till she began to feel like +a clumsy child playing at ball, and the foolish fancy whisked her +miles away. + +For a space Audrey talked on, unaware. But when, in the midst of a +technical dissertation on invalid food-values, a dreamy half-smile +flitted across her pupil's face, the smothered irritation of days +leaped out in flame. + +"Lilamani, will you attend!" she cried, slapping the open book so +sharply that the girl jumped in her seat. "Have you heard one word +of what I've just said?" + +Lilamani puckered her forehead distressfully. "Oh yes--I heard." + +"Well then--tell me what it was." + +"It was--I----" She passed a hand across her brow as if to brush +away cobwebs. "It was--oh, I forget." + +"Speak the truth, please. You never heard it at all." + +"I did _hear_--only----" + +"You weren't listening?" + +"I--I suppose not ... I was thinking----" + +"Of carbons and proteids?" + +"No ... no ... of some small verses I have been trying to make. One +had just come so beautifully; and you've startled it away." + +"Verses? Good heavens, you're incorrigible! What about?" + +The grey eyes probed the brown ones as a lancet probes a wound--and +they drew blood. Lilamani looked down, saw she had scribbled a line +or two, and crumpling up the paper thrust it into her bodice. + +"I cannot tell you what about, Audrey," she said, with the gentle +dignity that so well became her. "They are only for my own private +heart-- + +"Don't distress yourself. I've no wish to see them." Her tone was +cold now, her face a mask. "But I have at least the right to insist +that you shall not write verses when I am talking of far more +important subjects and trying to make them clear to you. I wonder if +you've taken in anything at all this week? Look at your notebook! +Nothing but a few incoherent scribbles. It's a disgrace! And +here--verses again----" + +Lilamani's hand covered them promptly, and she tore out the page. "I +can't help that. It's my nature," she said with a touch of heat. "I +am not meaning to write them when you talk. They come." + +"My dear girl, don't ask me to believe such fairy-tales. But if they +do come--you must stop them coming--or I must stop teaching you. +Frankly, Lilamani, I expected great things of you; and I am +disappointed. Girls of your race are generally such eager +students--so quick with their brains----" + +"My brain is made in another pattern--that's why." + +"It didn't seem so at first. It's all this stupid business of the +picture and seeing so many people that has turned your head----" + +At that Lilamani pushed aside the hated books and sprang to her feet. +Tears stood in her eyes. The crimson of anger stained her cheeks. +"Oh, I am sick of these studies--you are unkind to speak such things. +I shall not hear you. My head is not 'turned,' and the picture is +not at all stupid. It is going to be a beautiful gift for my dear +father. As for too many people--it was you that made me----" + +Her voice broke, and she hid her face from the eyes that seemed to +look through her as if she were a pane of glass. A word, even a look +of sympathy, might have worked wonders just then. But though Audrey +was not so made, she could not see the girl thus, unmoved. + +"My dear child," she said, touching her shoulder and speaking more +gently, though scarce tenderly. "When I 'made you,' as you say, I +couldn't foresee that--that things would move so fast. You're not +quite strong yet, and a little overwrought through doing too much. +That's all the trouble really. Lie down for an hour, and I'll give +you some bromide----" + +That last was fatal. Lilamani stepped swiftly backward, and +uncovered her face. + +"Oh, you _don't_ understand! You never do. You think everything is +from the body. This trouble is in my soul--and you cannot cure it +with any of your stupid medicines----" + +Audrey's face hardened again. + +"No. I don't understand your behaviour," she said in chill, even +tones. "But I wish _you_ to understand that if you think medicines +'stupid' and are already sick of your studies, they will not be +forced on you by me. Give up college and medicine, by all means--if +you are prepared to go back home and obey your mother's wishes----" + +"No--no. I will not--I will kill myself rather!" the girl cried out +with sudden passion and fled precipitately, leaving Audrey alone by +the table, angry and bewildered as she had rarely been in all the +well-regulated years of her life. + +Her bewilderment was for Lilamani; her anger was for Nevil, first and +last. The emotion of a week, however genuine, was no match for the +sex antagonism of ten years. "When man comes in at the window, Peace +goes out at the door," was her favourite perversion of the old +proverb anent Poverty and Love. And behold her wisdom justified: but +at what a cost! Small consolation to reflect that she had foreseen +this result of Sir Lakshman Singh's permission. But there would be +some satisfaction in telling Nevil plainly what damage he had done to +the girl whom he obviously admired, if nothing more. + +Why not seek him out and tell him now--while she could trust her +embittered heart to hurt either him or herself with an equal stoicism +... + + +Lilamani, leaning against her closed door, a-quiver from head to +foot, heard her friend's departing footsteps, and drew a breath of +relief. Never till now had she admitted that there lurked in Audrey +some unnameable quality that seemed to rub the bloom off everything, +and crush out all the beauty and colour of life. Whether that +quality belonged to this one Englishwoman or to all, Lilamani could +not tell. But there were moments when the prospect of a college full +of Audreys, with a Miss Blakeney or two thrown in, seemed hardly less +terrifying than the marriage from which she had fled. + +While she leaned against the door, with closed eyes and heaving +breast, tears stole unheeded over her cheeks that were no more on +fire of anger, because anger was drowned in shame at her own loss of +self-command. Had not that dear father--whose precepts were sacred +to her as the laws of Manu--impressed on her from earliest childhood +that only the low-born or the god-forsaken allow the red mist of +anger to darken the light within? Happy for her that he had not seen +her five minutes ago. But now, the way being clear, she could slip +softly back to her House of Gods, and recapture the virtue she had +lost. + +There sun and sea gave her greeting, and a little lazy wind whispered +of evening coolness not far off. Lying back in her chair, she closed +her eyes again, that the last of the sunbeams might caress their +lids, while the twin healers--warmth and silence--spoke peace to her +soul. Of a sudden, in the heart of silence a sound was born: a +footstep. Well, what matter? Let it pass. But she had an almost +uncanny ear for footsteps; and this one---- + +She leaned forward eagerly: eyes wide, lips apart. Yes. It was he, +in the greenish-grey flannel suit that she always hoped for when he +came. Remembering the afternoon when she had seen him first, she +could scarce believe it was but two weeks ago. It seemed as if it +must have been another Lilamani in another life. Yet it was indeed +she, even to the selfsame yellow _sari_: but how little she had +dreamed---- + +Here came a shy thought not to be framed in words; and she slipped +past it hurriedly wondering if he would look up; if a vision of her +ever visited his mind when she was not present? + +It was as if she had spoken aloud. He looked up at once. For a long +moment his eyes held hers, while the blood burned in her cheeks. + +Then, taking courage, she waved a hand. To her amazement, he replied +by a gesture bidding her come down; and all the natural woman in her +yearned to obey. But for a Hindu girl of good breeding, yea, though +she had dared to rebel against _dastur_, such boldness were out of +the question, even had not her quick ears heard the approach of +footsteps more familiar than his own. Shaking her head, she leaned +back out of sight just as Audrey came along the path. + +She heard their voices at meeting; but no words. Then, cautiously, +she peeped between the balustrades, watching unseen. He was smiling, +the kind, infectious smile that lighted all his face. But Audrey's +eyes showed no answering gleam. They wore the hard masked expression +that had grown too familiar to Lilamani in the past week. She asked +him something. He assented with raised brows; and, turning about, +they walked together down the wide pathway to the sea. + +Then she leaned over and looked after them; looked and looked till +the tears gathered again in her eyes. What were they talking of, +those two favoured ones, free to go where they would and with whom +they pleased, while she could only look and long and wonder--like a +human bird in a cage? Nay, her true cage had been happier, since she +could not see too plainly between the bars. For the first time she, +who so loved the land of her birth, regretted her nationality. Of +what use to give her freedom, when the dusky skin, and all the hidden +differences it implied, could no more be wiped out than the colour of +the sea! + +Sobs came thick and fast now, and fearing her father's return from +Nice, she fled blindly back to her room; flung herself on the bed, +and there let grief have its way with her. For the passionate heart +of the East slept beneath her girlish gentleness; and already it had +turned in its sleep. If there could only have been talk of such a +bridegroom--was the stifled cry of her soul: and the next instant she +reproached herself for a bold, shameless one, to think thoughts so +unworthy of maidenhood. For this cherished daughter of Sir Lakshman +Singh was no precocious little woman, like most Indian girls of her +age; but something as near the English type of "sweet seventeen" as +the conflicting elements of her life and education could be made to +produce. And through all her vague, chaotic misery, her thoughts +clave to those two down by the sea. What were they talking of--what? + +Only at the sound of her father's footstep afar off did she rise up +bravely and bathe her swollen eyes. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + "Love, the great volcano, flings + Fires of lower earth to sky; + Love, the soul-permitted, sings + Sovereignly of Me and I." + MEREDITH. + + +And of what were they talking, those two, down by the sea? Of what +else but the girl who agonized alone upon her bed? And Audrey, in +her degree, was agonizing also; though Sinclair was not suffered to +suspect the fact. + +Her greeting had been blunt, and to the point. She was in no humour +for softening sharp outlines. "Good evening, Nevil. If you can +spare me half an hour before dinner, I would like a talk with you." + +It was then that he had assented smiling. + +"Delighted. My spare half-hours are of no remarkable value. Is it +anything particular?" + +"Yes. It's about Lilamani--and your picture." + +"Ah! What of them?" + +It was then that they walked off together down the wide path, ending +in a balustrade, beyond which rough slabs of rock fell sheer to the +sea. For a moment Audrey compressed her lips; and Sinclair, +scrutinizing her profile, was puzzled and half annoyed. + +"What's wrong with you, Audrey? You've not been a bit the same girl +this week. One could only suppose you were still fussing over the +picture and the studies and all the rest of it. Rather superfluous, +surely, now the thing's half done. Rather hard lines, too, if I +mayn't take such a unique chance without your making a tea-cup +tragedy out of an interlude that's pleasant enough for us all, so far +as I can see." + +Audrey regarded him very straightly, without flinching. + +"Pleasant for you, no doubt; and--in a sense--for her too. But if +you will give me a chance to speak, instead, of rating me unheard, I +can prove to you that the 'tea-cup tragedy'--which may be +sufficiently serious for her, poor child, is of your own making, not +mine." + +"What d'you mean?" he asked sharply, genuine pain in his voice. "I +wouldn't upset her for the world." + +"It's not a question of what you would do, but of what you have done." + +"Do be more explicit. You're keeping me on hot plough-shares. She +seemed quite happy when I saw her just now." + +"Saw her? Where?" + +"Looking over the balcony, a minute before you came." + +Audrey made a small sound of vexation. "I left her lying down. But +really I don't know what to do about her. When she began to grow +home-sick, I thought seeing a little more of people might do her +good. But I didn't reckon on this affair of the picture; and now she +seems quite overwrought and unstrung." + +"And it pleases you to throw the blame on me?" + +"It doesn't please me, Nevil." Her voice softened instinctively on +his name. "The facts speak for themselves; and it's as well you +should know them." + +"Fire away, then--for God's sake." + +His impatience in no wise hurried her wonted precision of speech, +while she sketched for him in outline the week's day-to-day +difficulties, ending with an expurgated edition of the final scene +that had left her baffled for the moment, and deeply disquieted as +regards possible results. To Nevil's half-knowledge the way out +appeared sufficiently plain. They had reached the balustrade, and he +brought his hand down on it with decision. + +"I told you before, Audrey, she's not the type. That girl has the +temperament of genius. I suspect her verses might be worth seeing. +But as for trying to cram her brain with hygienics and physiology, +you'd both be better occupied in trying to reach the moon." + +Audrey bit her lip. "I am beginning to be afraid that's true. +But--if you remember, Nevil, I told you also that these studies were +of special importance to her; and now--it seems high time to convince +you of the fact by telling you plainly what she came to England to +escape." + +"Escape? What was that?" + +He spoke rapidly, almost under his breath. All the laughter had gone +out of his eyes, that looked steadily seaward, and continued so to +look, while Audrey--in phrases deliberately blunt and bald--told him +the story that she hoped might disgust him a little; that must, at +least, force him to recognize that gateless barrier of race, caste, +and creed that divided him from this alluring yet antipodal child of +the East. + +The story was no easy one to tell. Only a conviction that her duty +to both demanded plain speech, and a secret hope that his leaning +toward sentiment might be checked in time, gave her strength to carry +it through. + +She drew an unvarnished picture of the conservative, priest-ridden +Hindu mother, who, ever since Lilamani's fourteenth year, had urged +betrothal, if not marriage, without avail. She told him of the +bridegroom--wealthy, elderly, dissolute--finally brought forward by +the Guru, to whom doubtless great gifts had been promised by the +husband-elect if the transaction were carried through with success. +She spoke of Lilamani's rebellion; of the nerve-shattering struggle +which had ended in collapse. And at that the man could control +himself no longer. + +"Good God!" he muttered between his teeth, but without looking round; +for the which she was grateful. + +"Yes, it seems incredible to us," she answered quietly. "Yet you +know next to nothing of what such a marriage would mean for a girl so +indulged by her father, so sensitive and fanciful as Lilamani; and +even I know little enough. Happily for her Sir Lakshman is as brave +as he is broadminded. But for his championship she could never have +stood out against the combined authority of family and religion. He +himself, when he called me in, was fairly desperate; or he might not +have agreed so readily to my bold suggestion. But he did agree; and +after a fresh struggle we three gained the day." + +"Well done, Audrey!" he cried, looking full at her for the first time. + +In spite of stern repression her heart throbbed at his praise, and +she smiled. "I'm glad you think that, Nevil. It may help you to +realize something of my feelings this week in seeing what I believe +to be her one chance of freedom slipping from under her. The +ordinary hotel-folk would probably have disturbed her very little. +But talk with men like you, Mr. Broome, and Signor Martino +over-stimulates her imagination, her emotions, which must be +subordinated to her brain and commonsense if she is to stand on her +own feet when her father and I go back to India. Surely any studies, +however uncongenial, are better than her only alternative--an +ignominious return to the arms of a dissolute, bigoted bridegroom. +Not that I think she would go. This afternoon, when I was driven to +speak of it, she said: 'I would kill myself rather.' Indian women +are like that; and I firmly believe she spoke the truth." + +"Good God!" the man broke out again. "It's downright brutal that a +sensitive white-souled girl should be so tormented----" His voice +near failed him; but he steadied it, and went on: "What are you going +to do about it, Audrey? Speak to her father----?" + +"I don't know. I haven't had time to think. Most likely I shall +urge her to speak to him herself. The understanding between them is +singularly perfect; and he may feel less baffled than I do by her +deplorable change of front. But it's useless for you and me to +discuss possibilities. I merely felt you ought to know; and now----" +She consulted her wrist-watch. "I must hurry back. I shall be late +for dinner. Are you coming in?" + +"Not yet. You've given me too much to think about. But I'll see you +to the hotel." + +"Please not. I'd rather be alone. I have a good deal to think +about, too. But it's close upon dinner-time, you know." + +"Is it? Good night. You're a brick, Audrey; and I'm a worthless +good-for-nothing. Forgive me if I've made things harder for you--or +her." + +To that she had no answer save: "Good night": and he, wringing her +hand, turned down the lesser pathway that winds among shrubs of +myrtle, cytisus, and olive toward that rocky promontory from which +the hotel takes its name. + +Flat and tapering, free of sun and wind, with its carpet of +sea-lavender and scarlet-leaved mesembryanthemum; its cushions of +myrtle and lentisk; its grey-green clumps of aloe and fringe of +rugged white rocks--the Cap d'Antibes reaches farther out into the +Mediterranean than any other headland of Southern France. To sit +near its peak at dusk--with all the coast behind one, looking away to +the Esterelles and hidden Corsica, is almost to believe oneself on a +steadygoing vessel in mid-ocean. + +As Nevil Sinclair strode rapidly toward this haven of solitude, the +fires of sunset were ebbing from a sky tenderly rippled with light +cloud, that threw into sharp relief the few outstanding features of +the Cap. Here a lone umbrella-pine made a bold smudge of sepia on +the delicate pallor beyond; there the crescent-topped outline of a +spurious Moorish archway--remnant of some forgotten folly--was bitten +out sharp and clear. Farther on, from a black mass of building and +bushes the little lighthouse reared its head; and farthest of all, +the skeleton of a dead aloe-flower, upspringing boldly from its nest +of jagged leaves, was etched as with a fine-pointed pen upon the +darkening sea. + +Mechanically, the artist's eye noted every detail of the picture, +even while brain and heart seethed with such an exalted mingling of +rage and rapture as he had never known; a white heat of chivalry that +burnt up in its pure flame mere accidents of race and creed; that +bade him, at all hazards, snatch this heavenly-sweet flower of +girlhood out of the impasse for which he was in a measure responsible. + +Blessed Fate that had brought her to him! Not that he might paint +her merely; but that he might save her from a degradation worse than +death. Audrey, plucky Audrey, need not trouble her head about ways +and means. He--Nevil Sinclair--would be the god out of the machine. +This pearl of womanhood--who had awakened his talent no less than his +heart--should not die, but live--and give herself to him. For he +could win her; some inner voice assured him of that, even while he +marvelled at his own arrogance. The divine intoxication that had put +a new song in his mouth, blinded him to the hundred and one prosaic +obstacles that hovered outside the charmed circle of his dream, +biding their time. He could have shouted aloud in triumph, there +alone with the darkening sky and sea. This was something altogether +different from earlier sentimental adventures. So lightly, in his +unawakened ignorance, had he taken the name of Love in vain. + +One only problem puzzled him. Why had he not discovered the truth +until to-day? From the first she had so enthralled his imagination; +so satisfied his taste for all that was rare and beautiful. Yet her +tender years, her impalpable aura of grace and purity had made her +seem a being set apart from the rough and tumble of common life; and +always absorption in his picture had stood between him and personal +thoughts of her. + +But to-day in that direct contact of spirit with spirit, the divine +ray had passed between them. They had touched the electric force +that vivifies the world and hurls it spinning through the spheres. +Then, in that moment, he had first seen her as woman--the one woman, +preordained to be his own; brought to him by Fate, in the teeth of +opposing circumstances across six thousand miles of sea. Striking +sharply upon this revelation, Audrey's story--that was to have +disenchanted him--or at least checked sentimental impulses--had +wrought the very opposite effect. The rage it engendered sprang, not +from chivalry alone, but from the consuming jealousy that is +twin-brother to passion. He had scarce known how to control himself, +to hide his secret, as it must be hid till he could win speech of his +beloved alone. + +And here the first prosaic obstacle reared its head. The thing +seemed impossible of achievement. But their destiny was assured; and +somehow, somewhen, it must come to pass. If matters looked too +hopeless, he could always write, or speak first to her father. But +neither alternative was to his taste. It was she to whom he should +first tell the secret, that he might watch the rose of her heart +blossom in her cheeks, that lamp of her pure spirit lighten in her +eyes.... + +At this point he found himself far out among the last of the broken +rocks, whitely fringed with foam. Here he sat him down, lit a cigar +and gave himself up to his fairy-tale, while the sky changed +imperceptibly from grey to indigo, the stars from silver to gold; and +the half-moon, high in the east, took on her borrowed robe of light. + +Appetite rather than hunger whispered of dinner that by now must be +half over. But in his present mood he was loath to face the heat and +noise of the crowded dining-room and the penetrating eyes of Cuthbert +Broome. He would go in when it was over, and get a plate of +something from his friend the head-waiter; and avoiding the studio, +make straight for his own room. In the meantime, his cigar--while it +dulled the edge of the body's need, enhanced his mood of dreams, his +visions of a purely Bohemian life with this Jewel of Delight here in +the glowing South or among the Italian hills. Only let Martino +praise the picture he was to see to-morrow, and he, Nevil, would +devote himself in earnest to the art that, but for her, might have +withered and died in him unrecognized, unfulfilled. Henceforth her +temperament of genius would be as oil to the flame of his new-lighted +lamp. He would not take her home, or subject her to the ordeal of +family disapproval; with a throb of exultation he perceived how +completely such a marriage would exonerate him from the rôle of +politician and landed proprietor that had hung over him like the +sword of Damocles for seven unfruitful years. + +And Jane? + +He smiled to himself in the darkness at thought of her impotent +wrath. But his father's wrath--tinged with bitter +disappointment--was another affair altogether. For Nevil--primarily +the child of his mother--seemed to have inherited also her indelible +tenderness toward the stolid, obstinate, good-hearted man, who had so +little true affinity with either wife or son. This same tenderness +that had kept him loitering at the cross-roads, surged up in him now +and threw the first shadow across his enchanted garden of dreams.... + +It was close on ten when he ran up the hotel steps on to the +balcony-verandah. The hall was nearly empty, and waiters were +putting out the lights. He went straight to the restaurant, +unearthed a plate of cold tongue and a bottle of Burgundy; asked if +there were any letters, and was presented with an envelope addressed +in the square, uncompromising hand of Lady Roscoe. + +"Damn," said he softly; and pocketing the missive, went upstairs. + +Once in his room, he sat down by the small table that held his books, +manuscript, and painting gear. "Now for Jane's hydrostatics!" he +mused, slipping a penknife under the flap. It was her answer to his +own first letter, giving chapter and verse for his impulsive flight +abroad; and through the curt, vigorous phrases he could hear his +sister's familiar tone. + + +"My dear Boy,--You bolted. That's the plain truth, stripped of lame +excuses. But my party isn't coming off after all. So you can safely +take the next express home! In fact, you must come and do your duty +at the election like a man. You should have heard Lord Shandon's +inquiries after you the other night. Polite, of course--he wouldn't +be otherwise to _me_--but scathing. That I should live to hear a +brother of _mine_ called 'shirker'--even by implication! But what do +you care for our good name? So long as the sun shines and there's a +yard of blank canvas in the market, the dear old Place might go down +before the auctioneer's hammer and I might take in washing without +your turning a hair. Why I was allowed to be the eldest, and yet not +a _man_, passes my comprehension. All I can do is to try and hammer +you into the outward semblance of a Sinclair. Little enough use! +But it's my duty, and the word carries weight with _some_ of us. + +"If you've an ounce of right feeling or affection for the dear old +Dad, you _ought_ to be at home this spring. I don't quite know +what's wrong with him, and he refuses to consult Dr. Ransome. He +seems just irritable and restless and out of spirits. Not like +himself, in fact. Business worries, I fancy, from something +Thornbrook said the other day about the estate. But I'm sure it +would give him a fillip to have you at the Place for a few weeks, and +to feel he had a personal stake in the election. So just pocket your +artistic selfishness, and wire 'Coming' to my town address. Don't +give yourself time to haver and change your mind. Remember I +_expect_ you. So it's _au revoir_. + + "Your affectionate sister, + "JANE ROSCOE." + + +"Damn!" her affectionate brother remarked again--not softly this +time--flinging the sheet from him as if it burnt his fingers. + +Then, rising, he paced the room in a turmoil of conflicting wrath, +indecision and dismay. Here was no shadow, but a bomb flung +ruthlessly into his enchanted garden. Jane and her exhortations went +for nothing. But the poor old man, worried and out of spirits--that +was quite another matter. The inherent impulse of tenderness tugged +at him; and, but for the tone of Jane's letter, might have overruled +"artistic selfishness," for all the chains that bound him, and his +recoil from the prospect of three or four weeks at Bramleigh Beeches +alone with Sir George in his present mood. + +The first warmth of greeting over, he would probably be sworn at, and +certainly bored to extinction by the old futile effort at playing +good comrade to the father with whom he had nothing in common save +the mysterious tie of blood and their unspoken allegiance to her who +was gone. For, even when Nevil exasperated him most, the stubborn +heart of Sir George clave to the son who spoke the language of his +dead wife, and smiled upon him with her eyes. A sore point, this +last, for Jane who, in secret, sympathized acutely with the +immaculate elder brother in the parable. For her, the loyal, the +ever-present, neither fatted calf nor feasting. But for Nevil, the +defaulter----. Eyebrows and shoulders, mutely eloquent, implied the +rest. + +Could she have witnessed his present perturbation, she might have +admitted a rudiment of conscience in his spiritual anatomy. Certain +it is that, in the face of such a call, his picture alone would not +have held him back. But--there remained Lilamani; her possible love +for him; and the cruel alternations between which she stood. + +So half the night long he agonized and deliberated over the age-old +problem--that loses no whit of its tragedy through repetition--how +far a man is constrained to cripple the fulfilment of his own life +and love, out of respect for his father's wishes. Can filial duty +condemn a son to live unhappy that his father may die happy? All the +undiluted Nevil in his blood cried out, No, a thousand times. How, +then, if he went home immediately for a week or two and thrashed out +the whole matter with his father once for all? A few days earlier +such a step had been conceivable, if uncongenial; but now--on the eve +of his divine discovery--! No, again. + +Should Lilamani prove indifferent, or marriage with an Englishman +beyond the pale of possibility, time enough then to think of fathers +and of flight. For the present two events only filled all his +horizon: Martino's verdict, and Lilamani's answer. On the morrow a +wire should speed homeward: "Immediate return impossible. Writing"; +nor would he put pen to paper till his fate was sealed. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + "Oh, the little more, and how much it is! + And the little less, and what worlds away! + How a sound can quicken content to bliss, + Or a word suspend the blood's best play-- + And life be a proof of this." + BROWNING. + + +For all her decision of character, Audrey Hammond fell asleep that +night in a painfully unsettled frame of mind. Obviously Lilamani's +story had shocked and perturbed Nevil Sinclair in no small degree. +But to what end, or with what probable result? + +Heavy-laden with pain and perplexity, she had stood watching him as +he strode away from her toward the Cap, secure in the bitter +certainty that he would not dream of looking back; and upstairs, in +their sitting-room, fresh perplexity had been her portion. In place +of the passionate girl she had left, behold a smiling, +faintly-repressed Lilamani, who, after dinner, read to Sir Lakshman +from her favourite "Wisdom and Destiny"; discussing with him--in her +quaintly poetic turns of phrase--the roots of happiness and the +hidden springs of peace, as though the storm of two hours earlier had +never been. In the circumstances, Audrey had thought well to bid her +good night without their occasional after-talk over the day's events. + +Whatever conclusions the girl had arrived at were best slept upon +before being submitted to the test of speech. + +Not till she began setting out her books next morning did Audrey +broach the subject. + +"Does this mean you have thought better of yesterday, child?" she +asked smilingly; and Lilamani bowed her head. + +"I was too much mistaken," said she, still looking down and twirling +a pencil between fingers and thumb. "My father's heart cannot be +hurt just for the wandering of my brain. So please not say any more, +Audrey. I will try to keep my thoughts in chains. But if I am still +stupid--perhaps--some small punishment----" + +"My dear girl! I may have been impatient with you, but I draw the +line at battering medicine into your head! We can try again, and see +how things go." + +They did not go brilliantly that morning. Though Lilamani zealously +held her "thoughts in chains," and Audrey was patience incarnate, +each was aware of an invisible "Something" between them that made for +division. Lunch ended, Audrey excused herself on the plea of a +promised outing with Madame de Lisle: and Nevil, arriving well ahead +of his time, was relieved to find father and daughter alone. + +They also were to have their first sight of his picture to-day; an +event made ten times more significant by his newly-awakened passion. +For the moment, artist and artistry were eclipsed by the natural +man's eagerness to gauge her share in the divine discovery. + +At the first meeting of hands and eyes he knew himself predestined +victor: knew that the shy, virgin heart of her was astir, if not yet +awake; and gloried in the privilege, that would be his, of revealing +to her, by tender and delicious degrees, the golden secret that +gleams at the core of life. + +In the meantime he must curb imagination, and sun himself in the +twofold triumph of the moment. For it was no less than a triumph to +lift the embroidered curtain from his canvas, to watch the dawn of +wonder and delight in the faces of those two, who had, in so short a +space, become the nucleus of his world. + +To Lilamani it seemed that she beheld her very self leaning there +upon the balcony's edge, looking away out of the picture with +uplifted eyes, wherein--oh, miracle of miracles!--she caught +reflected glimpses of her own most hidden thoughts and dreams. Tint +of skin, sheen of _sari_, all her tender curves of budding womanhood, +were rendered with an astonishing delicacy and truth. For if +Sinclair's pencil had wrought excellently, his brush had verily been +inspired; so that he himself stood amazed; marvelling helplessly--as +every true artist marvels more than once in his life--how the thing +had come about, and whether he could ever hope to touch so high a +point of excellence again. + +Before Sir Lakshman could find voice, Nevil had found Lilamani's +eyes, that gazed on him with a young, unveiled adoration; and even as +her whole face lit up in response to his smile, Sir Lakshman spoke. + +"My dear Mr. Sinclair--it is many times more wonderful than I was +imagining. Almost, to me--she lives and breathes." Then, drawing +Lilamani nearer, he looked steadfastly from counterfeit to reality, +till the colour flooded her face. + +Nevil took a deep breath to steady himself, and heard his everyday +voice make answer: "Honestly, I believe it's good; and I'm delighted +that it pleases you. If only Martino, the hypercritical, thinks half +so well of it----" + +"That he will, beyond doubting: and then----?" + +"Oh then, there shall be no more havering. All along I have looked +on this picture as the touchstone of my talent. So you see"--his +glance dwelt a moment on the girl, rejoicing in the swift warmth of +her cheek--"it has been yours to decide the question of my career!" + +"If that means I am deciding you to paint more pictures, and always +more," she answered, plucking at the border of her _sari_, "then I +am--glad." + +"It does mean that; if Martino approves," said he: and, Sir Lakshman, +glancing from one to the other, felt a sudden twinge of apprehension +that impelled him to draw his child away from this magnetic young +Englishman, and set her down in her usual seat. + +Then he turned to Sinclair. "You are wishing, perhaps, to do some +work before they come?" + +"I think not, to-day." He covered his canvas with a smiling glance +at the original. "I feel too restless. Besides--it would be a pity +to risk superfluous tinkering, till I've heard what Broome and +Martino have to say. They'll be here early, I know. And that +reminds me--a very old friend of mine, a Mrs. Despard, who arrived +yesterday, begged to come too. She's always been keen for me to take +up painting in earnest. So you can imagine my news pleased her. +Hope it wasn't very cool of me to invite her?" + +"My dear sir, any friend of yours must be welcome to us. +Despard--you say? I must have known some relation of hers in India." + +"Probably her husband. A civilian somewhere down your way. Had to +retire not long ago on account of heart-trouble, poor chap. But Mrs. +Despard was out there a good many years, and is naturally interested +to meet you and your daughter." + +Sir Lakshman's smile had a hint of scepticism. "That does not always +follow. Anglo-Indians are of many kinds, and many minds. Not all +are so wide-hearted as to break through the official shell that +checks intimacy with the native of the country; less than ever, +strange to say, if he shall show any taste for ideals or education of +the West. But, as I said, there are many exceptions----" + +"And Mrs. Despard is one," Sinclair broke in warmly. "They live +quite close to us at home. She and I have had endless talks about +India and its peoples; her favourite subject. There's no question +about how she will feel towards you and your daughter; or I assure +you I would not have asked her up." + +"That I should have known. I think it is they who are coming now." + +It was so: and three minutes later Lilamani looked upon the one +daughter of England destined to love and understand her, from the +moment of meeting; while her own soul--young, ardent, steeped in +poetic fancy--was bowed down in worshipful admiration before this +lissome slip of an Englishwoman, whose delicate-featured face, with +its softly shining eyes, was crowned with a mass of dull gold hair, +through which ran threads of fire. A clinging gown of tussore silk, +finely embroidered, such as Audrey never wore; and old lace at her +throat--where an aquamarine pendant hung from a silver +chain--completed a picture distinctive enough to impress brains and +hearts less susceptible than those of a Hindu girl of seventeen. + +And she, scarce waiting for Sinclair's introduction, swept toward the +shyly smiling creature in the mother-o'-pearl _sari_, and took the +slender hand in both her own. + +"Welcome to Europe," said she in a voice of singular sweetness. "How +brave and wise of you to cross 'the black water!' And how lucky for +my friend, Mr. Sinclair, that he happened to be here at the time!" + +"Greatly I hope it is," Lilamani murmured with a fervour that even +shyness could not quite subdue. + +"And I am sure it is!" the other declared, as she turned to greet Sir +Lakshman, who was shaking hands with Broome. + +Then, while the four fell into friendly talk, Martino plucked +Sinclair by the sleeve, and, with an impatient jerk of his head, +signified his wish to have done with superfluities and come at the +real thing. + +Lilamani, watching them covertly through the curtain of her lashes; +saw them move towards the easel; saw Nevil Sinclair fling back the +covering as before. Then--her heart leaped at the light that flashed +in Martino's eyes. With an inarticulate grunt he stepped back a +space, and stood so, looking, looking, and still looking, while the +other two hurried forward, eager to see that which had smitten the +volcanic Martino dumb. + +Greater triumph Nevil Sinclair could not have desired: yet was there +pleasure almost as keen in Broome's curt tribute: "Good Heavens--what +a likeness!" + +The words seemed to rouse Martino. His eyes flashed again. + +"Likeness?--Sapristi! It is interpretation." Then he swung round on +Nevil. "Your handshake, _amico mio_. No further doubts now--is it? +I--Martino--salute the inspired artist!" the which he did with a grip +of steel. "Pity it cannot be shown. But after this--you are +pledged. There must be others." + +"I hope to Heaven there may be," Nevil answered, overwhelmed. "But +the thing's not done yet. There must be faults; room for +improvement. It's criticism I want, man. You know that." + +Martino's vigorous nod signified fullness of understanding. "The +last infirmity of the true artist--no? _Ebbene_, you shall have +it--without sparing. For by all the saints in the calendar your work +is worth it." + +So they two, regardless of the rest, plunged into their private +jargon of tones and values and the critical nature of those last +touches that may spoil the whole: while the rest, being human, +gravitated to the tea-tray, that wooed them with gleam of polished +plate and delicate tints of _petits fours_, ordered daily by an +indulgent father for his daughter's special delectation. + +Mrs. Despard, increasingly drawn towards this child of the +_purdah_--who seemed, yet, so fully a woman--laid a friendly hand on +her as they sat down. + +"When I talked of Mr. Sinclair's luck just now, I had no idea that +you had actually done for him what he has failed to do for himself in +the last seven years. I am one of the few who have always urged him +to follow his natural bent in earnest; undutiful though it might +seem! Between money and position, one feared he would never achieve +anything. But now--through you--he has found himself. And I can't +tell you how delighted I am!" + +Neither could the girl--with eyes demurely intent on three carnations +at her breast--tell this angel of the golden halo how delight +unspeakable sang within her like a hidden bird. She could only +answer in the same low tone: "You are mistaking. It is not I. It is +Mr. Sinclair who has done all." + +Then, because the room was large, and the two behind the easel and +the two on the hearthrug much engrossed in their own talk, she drew +from her new friend, by a shy question or two, more of Nevil +Sinclair's home and history than she had yet heard; till he himself +joined them and the rest followed suit. + +Seldom had there been so festal and frivolous a tea-drinking in the +quiet sitting-room, mainly dedicated to study and art. Martino's +triumph brimmed over in a fireworks display of his quaintly +characteristic English, whenever he could command the field; and Mrs. +Despard glowed openly when the East was her theme. + +Sir Lakshman, stirred alike by her beauty and enthusiasm, cast aside, +for once, his mask of polite reserve. He spoke frankly, warmly, on +the subject that lies nearest the heart of all thoughtful Indians in +this our day of agitation and transition. His zealous championship +of British rule, and fervent belief in ultimate concord between +"mother and eldest daughter," woke an answering echo in the hearts of +two, whose fate hung upon his readiness to give personal proof of the +faith that was in him. + +But it was Mrs. Despard alone who voiced her approval. "If only +there were more men of your mind on both sides," said she, and her +smile was in itself a reward, "how much disastrous friction we might +have been spared all round. But though you are in a minority, it is +you, and men like you, who may end in saving the situation, unless we +ourselves--or those who misgovern us--bring the whole Empire crashing +about our ears!" + +"May the Great God forbid such calamity!" Sir Lakshman spoke with +unusual warmth. "Yet, my dear lady, because I have shown you all the +good feeling that is in my heart for that England who made India what +she is, you must please not to misjudge me in respect of my own +country. You must believe that I am as zealous for her welfare as +any Bengal agitators or inflammatory news-writers, who, in blind +perversity, are trying to break up the only influence which can make +possible that national unity they cry for, among the Indian peoples. +It is only that I see one manner of welfare: they another. In my +belief--and I am sharing it with scores of men better than myself--no +worse harm could befall to India than that Great Britain should cease +to be paramount power. But only this--in order for being paramount +she must be, in best sense, a power; not mere figure-head or rash +experimentalist, shifting now to this foot, now to that. Even in +your own Book is it not written, if the trumpet give an uncertain +sound, who shall prepare themselves for battle?" + +"Who, indeed?" the daughter of England assented ruefully. "And of +late years the sound has been less imperious, less inspiring than it +should be if we are to hold our own." + +"Unhappily--yes. I cannot help but agree. It is not that I am +disloyal, as you know. It is that we are troubled--we Indians, who +believe in England's power--to see how such a great land is seeming +to lose grasp on those noble ideals of straightforward strength and +courage that we learnt in early days to couple with the name of the +British Raj. Trouble it is also to see how blessings of +enlightenment and patriotic feeling are now made weapons against her +supremacy, that she won by those ideals, and cannot keep except +through the same. Let us hope it is only by appearance that she is +losing hold on them; that the true England, yes, and the true India, +may wake up and grasp hands together before it is too late." + +"Hear, hear!" was echoed by all: then Martino thrust in his oar +again, and the talk became general. + +Only Nevil, the ready of tongue, had singularly little to say. For +if Lilamani found her private ecstasy hard to conceal, her lover was +in much the same case. The hearts of both were too full for speech +of any kind. But though the door of the lips be locked, there are +windows through which the hidden self looks forth. The girl--a +little startled by her own emotions--kept her windows veiled. Not so +the man. Transported beyond pedestrian counsels of prudence, he +could not withhold his eyes from her face and form. Neither could he +compel hers to meet his own. Primitive instinct whispered that that +way danger lay. But Nevil was in no mood to be baulked; and now that +general conversation was in full swing again, he boldly drew a chair +up close to her, and spoke under his breath. + +"I know you are almost as glad as I am. But I want above everything +to hear you say so." + +The flagrant lover's folly of it, and the dawning sense of her +woman's power to give and to withhold brought her heart thrilling +into her throat. + +"If you know it, that is enough. The rest is only nonsense!" + +"It's not. It's truth, serious truth. I----" he checked himself, +realizing that this was no moment to unveil the shining secret. +"Well, to-day I've a right to be foolish!" he added more lightly. +"And you might do what I ask. Just to please me." + +"Of course, if you make it like that, I could not be so discourteous. +And ... I am glad that your success has come ... through my picture: +much more than I could say. So it is no use trying." + +Her shifting colour, and refusal to meet his gaze, pricked him to +further boldness. He knew, and gloried in the knowledge, that--by +every means of mute confession given to woman--this girl was showing +the very truth she strove to hide. Never before had he been quite so +close to her; and the fresh, faint scent of sandalwood that pervaded +her went to his head like wine. Once get the whole party down into +the garden, and he could trust himself to contrive some flying chance +of speech. + +He set his hand on the tea-tray's rim within an inch of her own, and +noted how her glance travelled from one to the other while he spoke. + +"It is just because this has come ... through you, that it means so +much to me. I never dreamed how it would be when I had the audacity +to begin. But I want one thing more to complete my great day. Can +you guess?" + +"No." The full lower lip was indrawn demurely, and an uplift of her +lashes revealed laughter in her eyes. + +"Perhaps you don't want to hear!" he challenged her with increasing +boldness. + +"That is quite possible! All the same ... you will tell it!" + +"Of course I shall. And you will grant it." + +"That is not at all so sure." + +"Oh, but it is. I want to end with a walk down by the sea ... all of +us. I've not bothered you much about coming down these few days. +But I want this immensely. Will you come?" + +She drew in a quick, startled breath as if he had touched her. +"No--no, please. Not to-day." + +"And why not to-day?" + +His voice took a deeper note that filled her with nameless fear both +of herself and him. + +"I cannot tell," she whispered, glancing instinctively towards her +father, who was too absorbed in his subject to be aware of the +magnetic young Englishman's latest move. "Only ... it has been very +wonderful ... for me also; and I am wanting to be alone with it all, +in my House of Gods, for sunset time. Please understand." + +"I'm doing my best," he said ruefully. "But still--it's unkind to +disappoint me, and spoil everything." + +"Oh, _don't_ say that! It hurts----" + +Her hand went to the carnations at her breast, as if indicating the +point of pain; and that small gesture took the sting out of refusal +and disappointment alike. + +"Not enough to make you say 'Yes'?" + +She shook her head. + +"Well, then ... to-morrow? You shall ride on the sea in my boat. +Your father shall come, and Mrs. Despard, and Broome. There now! In +common decency you can't say 'No' again." + +"Then I can only say 'Yes'! If father will come." + +"Promise!" + +"How unbelieving you are! I promise." + +Before he could answer, Sir Lakshman had become aware of them; and +the hand he laid on his daughter's arm had a movement, as though he +would draw her away. + +"Mrs. Despard is suggesting a walk now it is cooler; and I have +agreed. Do you feel inclined?" + +"Mr. Sinclair was just asking that same!" the girl answered with +admirable composure. "But I said ... not to-day." + +"She has promised to come out in my boat to-morrow, instead," Nevil +hastened to add--unaware, as yet, of hidden antagonism. + +"Only if you would like it, father," from Lilamani, in a note of +irresistible eagerness. + +"Decidedly, I should like it; and there is good chance of my being +free, unless a heavy mail comes in. But then, no doubt, Miss Hammond +could go. I would not like you to lose a ride on the sea." + +Broome and Mrs. Despard accepted readily: but Martino, who worshipped +the sea as a Titanic force, rather than a means of locomotion, +refused point-blank. + +In the leave-taking that followed, Nevil--with a lover's +ingenuity--contrived to secure the last touch, the last word; and +that small cool hand, once captured, was singularly hard to +relinquish. + +"To-morrow ... whatever happens," was all he dared to say. For +answer he had the rose-flush on her half-averted face; and he went +forth as one who goes to victory; secure in his belief that the +morrow could not pass till her lips had confirmed the avowal of her +cheeks and eyes. Almost, in that moment, he felt capable of bidding +the sun stand still and expecting it to obey him. + +And she? + +So soon as the door had closed behind them all, she went swiftly to +the threshold of her shrine, and stood there, cooling her face +against the glass of the open door, one hand upon her heart that +throbbed and sang as though it would burst the bounds of flesh. + +What it all meant, whither it would lead them, she dared not ask +herself in set terms. As yet it sufficed that she shared his +triumph; and he, in turn, shared with her the nameless thrill of +touch, and speech, and glance. Nor was that all. Something within +whispered that he craved more than this sublimated essence of +emotion, so satisfying to her. Was it conceivable that he craved +all--might even dare to ask all?--he, the inspired English artist, of +her, the Indian girl-student, divided from him by immovable barriers +of country and creed? + +Then the door was flung open briskly; and she turned to meet Audrey's +inquiring eyes. + +"It's all over, then?" was her greeting, and her very voice brought +Lilamani to earth with a thud. "Was it a success? What's come to +you, child? You look transfigured!" + +"Do I?" Lilamani tried to smile, but tears sprang unbidden from the +deeps. "It has all been so wonderful! Signor Martino spoke such +praises. And--I am so happy----" + +Her voice broke. + +"What is there to cry about, then?" asked practical Audrey: and the +girl swept a hand across her lashes. + +"Oh, how can I tell? You would never understand." + +She made as if to go, but Audrey's hand closed upon her arm. + +"Don't run away, dear, the minute I come back," she said a little +wistfully. "I'm not so stupid as that amounts to; and I want to hear +about this afternoon. Signor Martino is pleased? And your father?" + +"Yes. He says--it lives and breathes." + +Audrey's hand was on the silken covering. "I suppose I may look +since everyone else has seen it?" said she; and proceeded to look, +long and silently, defying the ache within; while Lilamani, in +broken, half-coherent phrases, told her of Martino's enthusiasm, of +Mrs. Despard's conviction that through this--her picture--Mr. +Sinclair had "found himself" at last. + +Audrey listened without interruption. Then she nodded, compressing +her lips. + +"Yes. It's a very remarkable bit of work. But still----" + +"But still--_what_?" Lilamani spoke almost sharply. The cool tone +maddened her so. Yet now she must endure the worse ordeal of the +cool glance that discerned something, at least, of the agitation +within. + +"What I mean is this----" Audrey handled her words steadily, as the +surgeon his knife. "It is a cruel kindness for them all to inflame +Nevil with their enthusiasm on the strength of one exceptional +success. They only make it harder for him to remember his _real_ +duty----" + +"What is that?" The low voice was toneless now, the sweet submissive +face a mask. + +"The duty he owes to his father and his family at home; as you, a +daughter of Hindu tradition, very well understand. Nevil is the +eldest son of a distinguished house----" + +"Mrs. Despard told me that; and all his father's wishes. Only--she +thinks----" + +"In my opinion she thinks too much of Nevil, and of his art; which +makes it a pity she turned up just now. No right-minded person can +doubt that it is high time for him to drop philandering with paint +and canvas, and knocking aimlessly about the Continent, achieving +nothing. He ought to go home, and stand for Parliament, and then +marry the right sort of girl--in his own position. The marriage of +an eldest son is an important matter in England. He is less free to +choose haphazard than other men." + +Then, kindly but inexorably, she enlarged upon the subject; doing her +own duty by friend and pupil without stint: and while Lilamani +listened meekly, expressing a mild interest from time to time, all +her vague rose-coloured possibilities shrivelled and died. + +No sunset peace was to be hers. Better had she accepted the walk by +the sea. The afternoon had quickened all her deepest sensibilities +into passionate life; and Audrey's dutiful dissertation was like a +chill hand upon her quivering heart. + + + + +CHAPTER X + + "O sun of heaven, above the worldly sea, + O very love, what light is this of thee! + My sea of soul is deep as thou art high, + But all thy light is shed through all of me, + As love's thro' love while day shall live and die." + SWINBOURNE. + + +But the heart of seventeen is nothing if not resilient; and the thin +coating of ice, dutifully laid on by Audrey, could not choose but +melt again in the light of Nevil Sinclair's eyes. Then the laughter +of sun and sea; the boat, pulling lightly at its mooring-rope, like a +playful child; all glad things seemed wooing her to forgetfulness of +a pillow wet with tears, and carefully turned over lest Audrey +discover the fact. + +One thing disappointed her. There were but four of them. Mrs. +Despard's husband was too ill to be left; and a heavy mail, that Sir +Lakshman wished to grapple with at leisure, had made him beg Audrey +to take his place. She could not well refuse; and now the four stood +ready to embark from the toy bay scooped out of the headland where +Nevil had sat with his "divine discovery" two nights ago. + +Vivid against the broken white rocks, the sea that Lilamani loved so, +shone blue and green, like her favourite peacock's breast, and her +golden butterflies flickered, in their millions, along the wide path +of light travelling westward with the sun. But the silken calm of +yesterday was gone. Out in the open, heaving billows rose and fell, +hinting lazily at huge forces in reserve. A brisk little breeze from +the south-west tipped them here and there with feathers of foam; and +away towards Italy a harmless-looking flock of grey-white clouds +dappled the blue. A day that justified in full Lilamani's phrase of +riding on the sea; and she could scarce restrain her impatience to be +afloat. But, the boatman, with eloquent hands and eyebrows, appeared +to be dissuading the Englishmen from going out. He detected promise +of storm in that brisk little breeze, with its affectation of playful +frivolity; and Audrey made haste to put in her word. + +"If he thinks it best not to go, Nevil, don't be unwise enough to +insist." + +But Nevil was mysteriously aware of the cloud that shadowed +Lilamani's face. + +"My dear girl, I know what I'm about. It's merely a case of not +going too far. But, of course, if you feel nervous----" + +She silenced him with a glance; and he, turning to Lilamani, added, +with manifest change of tone, "You rather enjoy a little tossing, +don't you? And we can turn the minute our friend here gives the +word--eh, Broome?" + +"Right. I see no symptoms myself of serious derangement of the +elements. Our friend may be more lazy than weather-wise, after all." + +That happy suggestion clinched matters, and they set out: the women +in the stern; Nevil rowing stroke; the pessimist reclining in the +bows, to keep a sharp look-out on the heavens and lend a hand if need +be. By this arrangement Sinclair's eyes were free of the beloved +face; and he had promised himself, by interplay of stolen glances, to +prepare the way for speech. + +But he reckoned without the effect of Audrey's presence on the girl, +and the yet more repressive effect of her words. To Lilamani, +however rebellious at heart, one thing was certain: if there were the +remotest fear of injuring his family or his fame, then yesterday's +wonder of revelation must be, for her, as though it had never been. +And without speech she must contrive to make him understand. So she +refused, stoically, to meet the eyes that sought hers, at first in +glad certainty of response; then in a growing bewilderment that +verged on despair. This was not the Lilamani of last night. It was +the Lilamani of earlier sittings: and he did not hold the key to the +change. Instinctively, he blamed Audrey; though what she had said or +done he was too distracted to guess. + +It may be imagined that conversation fell flat: while +Nevil--shuffling and discarding wild conjectures--handled his oar +more casually every moment. + +Broome, amusedly trying to keep time with him, gave it up at last, +and balancing his own blade, smote his friend upon the shoulder. + +"Come out of that, Nevil!" cried he. "I'm tired of playing second +fiddle to a stroke who indulges in a _scherzo_, with variations, +under the delusion that he is propelling a boat. I've not sworn at +you once--audibly. And I claim my reward. Come out of it, and let +me give the ladies a taste of my quality! Good Lord, man, steady on! +You'll have us all in the water." + +For Sinclair had risen impetuously, with a swift darkening of his +whole face, duly noted by Audrey. One last look at +Lilamani--unreturned, like the rest--and pulling himself together, he +exchanged seats, with all due precaution, and a twisted smile in +response to Broome's friendly pressure of his arm. Then did the boat +bound forward to some purpose; and flagging conversation revived: +though not for long. Of a sudden that brisk little breeze from the +south dropped its pretence at frivolity, and raced full speed across +the open sea, lashing the long lazy billows to crested waves. They +caught the green and white pleasure-boat broadside on with a force +that set it shuddering from end to end; and the pessimist in the bows +had his moment of triumph. + +"_Voyez donc, Messieurs, tournez--tournez vite!_" he cried in +unfeigned alarm. "_Ça vient comme un ouragon._" + +Before the words were out, both Englishmen had gripped their oars and +bowed themselves to the task with a will. But the leaping, rocking +boat seemed animated by a will of its own. Every moment the onrush +of wind and waves grew fiercer; while the harmless flock of clouds +sped across the sky, their dark edges blurred with rain. Audrey, +gripping the gunwale, paled a little; not on her own account, but on +account of the girl at her side, who--for her part--was lost in sheer +delight at the beauty and movement and tense excitement of it all. + +The two men battled and failed; battled and failed again, swearing +inaudibly, between their teeth. Then--even as a curling monster +broke over the boat, wetting Audrey to the skin--will and muscle +triumphed. With a perilous lurch they swung round, and headed for +the shore, as speedily as a broadside gale and wave on toppling wave +would allow. + +Not till then did Nevil dare snatch a glimpse of Lilamani, round the +intervening bulk of his friend. Alert and upright she sat, this +fragile being in her silken draperies; head uplifted, lips apart. +One small hand had followed Audrey's lead; the other held her _sari_, +that flapped and billowed about her fantastically with each fresh +gust of the gale. And now the eyes that had been denied him, met his +own fearlessly, all shadow of self-consciousness swept from them by +the keen joy in things elemental that drives out the spirit of fear: +and her lips flashed him a smile of such clear confidence as +redoubled his own. With zest renewed he fought his way through the +surging waters. All would yet be well; though this confounded +hurricane had upset his cherished plans, and might conceivably upset +the whole boat-load into the bargain. + +Once--yea, twice, when a green wall of water bore down upon them, +implacable as Fate, the end seemed a matter of minutes; and the +natural, human dread of Death clutched at their hearts. But light +craft, like certain light natures, will weather a sea that would sink +a sturdier vessel; and, at each crisis, their cockle-shell rose gaily +on the wave that should have whelmed it; shuddered down the far side +with no worse punishment than a blinding shower of spray; and still +headed gallantly for the Cap. But here, in the toy bay, where +breakers laughed and thundered among the rocks, fresh danger +confronted them. Almost it seemed as if landing were impossible; and +to attempt rounding the point were certain destruction. But Cuthbert +Broome was more than a mere weaver of fiction; and as they neared the +danger-zone, his voice rang out, clear and commanding, above the +sonorous laughter of the sea. + +"_Attendez bien!_" he shouted over his shoulder to the weather-wise +one in the bows, bidding him take fast hold of the rope and leap or +plunge ashore on the first ghost of an opportunity. He and the other +monsieur would manage the rest. A command tipped with gold; two +louis, no less: and the son of old Antibes laughed in his sleeve. +Certainly a wetting would be a nuisance. But gold was gold. And, +though the breakers ran high, they were child's play to others he had +weathered in fifteen years of intimacy with their kind. So long as +"_les messieurs Anglais_" did not expect him to help with the +women-folk--who would certainly shriek and struggle at the last--all +was well; and he promised two whole candles to his patron saint, who +had plainly made these fools of foreigners deaf to his warning out of +pure consideration for his own empty pocket and recent ill-luck. + +Before three minutes were out, he had seen his chance and taken it, +with the agility of a chamois. Then, as the boat's keel screeched +and jarred upon hidden rocks, Broome shipped his oar, and leaned +forward, speaking with quiet decision. + +"You must let me carry you across, Miss Hammond. It's imperative. +Nevil can take Miss Lakshman Singh." + +Revolt against the indignity of the first, and determination to +prevent the second, made Audrey thrust out both hands, as if to ward +him off by force. But, in such a case, might is right. + +"For God's sake don't make a fuss," the man said sternly; and a +moment later she was in his arms, held high like a child, while he +slipped and staggered among the last of the breakers; till a hand +thrust out by him of Antibes pulled them safe ashore. + +Then--as Broome released her, and the boatman pocketed his gold--down +came the rain: not mere drops, but steely shafts of water that +flogged the earth and the tossing, shuddering trees. Sinclair, still +in the boat, found time to hurl Audrey's parasol at his friend. The +wind swept it yards ahead of them: and Broome, with a backward glance +of pure amusement, secured his thankless captive by the arm. + +"Come on, Miss Hammond. It's a case of running for all we're worth. +That toy of yours won't be much use." + +But Audrey stirred not an inch. "I'm wet through already," she +answered coolly. "And I don't mind rain. I must wait for Miss +Lakshman Singh." + +"Nonsense, nonsense----" The masterful hand on her arm propelled her +rapidly forward would she or no. "Sea-water's one thing; rain's +another. At my advanced age it spells rheumatism; and Nevil, of all +men, may be trusted to take good care of your friend." + +"What do you mean? You don't understand," she panted. They were +fairly running now; and as they passed under the archway of Moorish +design--set where headland merges into mainland--Audrey snatched a +last look over her shoulder at the two, who were so annoyingly far +behind. + +Nevil stood safely on the pathway now, with the treasure he coveted +in his arms. Jealousy stung her, like a scorpion, jealousy that gave +place to anger, and the old antagonism, as she was ruthlessly hurried +along. Why did he not put the girl down at once? What shadow of +right had he to hold her an instant longer than need be? What right, +indeed, beyond the primeval one of a heart that is set on fire of +love, and feels the only other heart on earth throbbing close against +it, to the same immemorial tune. + +Chivalrous gentleman though he was, the primal man triumphed in Nevil +Sinclair just then. Instead of relinquishing his heaven-sent burden, +he set off at a round trot--without leave asked or spoken word--for +the archway a hundred yards off, whose width promised shelter and a +chance of speech. Odd that, although he had flung his own coat about +her shoulders, he should have forgot her parasol; but the boatman +chased him with it and thrust it open into the girl's hand. + +As for her--shyness, amazement, and a thrill of fear, that was +rapture, had smitten her dumb. But now, as he began to run, she +dutifully strove for freedom; pushing herself from him with one +ineffectual hand pressed against his drenched silk shirt. + +"Let me walk. Put me down. Oh, please, please!" + +"When we get to the arch," he assured her, smiling, as he hurried on. +And all the while his arms that held her, lightly, yet so closely, +were telling her things not to be uttered save through that mystery +of contact which is love's daily bread. + +Then the arch loomed darkly above them. There was respite from the +lash of the rain, that fell now in a steady downpour; for the wind +had dropped. And the man was constrained to set her down, to loose +his hold upon her yielding slenderness--for a time. Before they went +on he would have her promise; not in words alone. + +The blood drummed in his temples, and the whisper of her quickened +breathing was music in his ears. But speech was difficult; more so +than he could have believed. His flannel coat slipped unheeded from +her shoulders as she stood before him, wind-tossed and palpitating, a +flower shaken by the storm. + +Then he drew a step nearer, and dared all. + +"Lilamani----" + +The word swept through her like triumphal music; and he saw the whole +rose of the woman blossom in her cheeks. Then--remembrance stabbed +her: remembrance that as far as the East is from the West, so far had +Destiny set them asunder. + +"Oh ... but you must not--" she pleaded, veiling her eyes lest they +contradict her tongue. "And ... we ought to go on, please. At once." + +"Why? You're very little wet; and the storm will soon pass over." + +"But Audrey will be angry----" + +He dismissed Audrey with a gesture of impatience. + +"I'll settle with her, if only you will give me leave to tell +her----" He came closer and she stepped back a pace. + +"Lilamani!" he cried again, his voice breaking with passion held in +check. "You know--you must know that those sweet, small hands of +yours have plucked the heart out of my body. Will you throw it down +and break it? Will you--will you?" + +Still she denied him her eyes. "Oh, do not ask me such things. How +shall I say? It is to my father you should speak." + +"But it is from his daughter I must have my answer first." + +Experience of her kind tempted him to enforce his plea by persuasion +more compelling. But never had he realized more poignantly her +delicate aura of apartness than in this, their first moment alone, +when it seemed that he had but to go forward, with tender mastery, +and take her to himself. Opportunity beckoned; temptation was keen; +and he readier, by nature, to yield than to resist. Yet he merely +put out a hand and passed caressing finger-tips along the edge of her +_sari_. + +He had his reward. For a small shiver of ecstasy ran through her; +and he knew--exultingly he knew----! + +"Beloved--let me see your eyes." He spoke low and eagerly. "Let +them promise me that you will be ... my wife, in spite of everything. +Put out of your mind all foolish scruples about difference of +race--and colour. They are unworthy of you--of me--of the great +countries to which we belong. Oh, my beautiful love! Don't keep me +in suspense----" + +At that she let fall her hands, and he cherished their chill +moisture, while those dark unfathomable eyes of hers dwelt upon his +face in a passion of adoration, such as the modern man rarely looks +for in marriage, and still more rarely receives. Nevil Sinclair had +seen enough of counterfeit coin to realize that--worthy or +unworthy--he had struck pure gold at last. + +He let out his breath in a sigh of supreme content. + +"Now nothing in Heaven or earth can come between us," he said; and, +still holding her, leaned nearer for the crowning assurance. + +But she, with a broken sound, stepped backward against the brickwork; +and, freeing one hand, warded him off with a gesture that for him was +a command. + +"Oh, I must not--I may not! There is not yet any betrothal. +And--and--there never can be----" + +"In God's name, why not?" he cried out desperately. "If you wish it +... and I wish it----" + +Again that appealing gesture. "Oh, please--please--not to speak, +and--try to understand. You are asking if--if I--love you; and--how +shall I deny? But--for marriage----" The sob that struggled in her +throat was bravely driven back. "In my country it is not just to the +pleasure of two people. It is to union of families, of same +religion, same caste. But ... how can we ... for sake of my father, +and--and--for yours----" + +"Mine? What d'you know of him----?" + +"Not a great deal; but--enough. Audrey told me----" + +"Audrey----? Good Lord----!" Fire that was not passion blazed in +his eyes; and her lips quivered at this new revealing. + +"Have I said wrong? Please not be angry----" + +"With you? Never!" Betrothal or no, his arm went round her +shoulders, and, in defiance of gentle resistance, held her so. "But +I'll not put up with Audrey's interference. My home affairs are no +concern of hers, and I shall tell her so in straighter language than +she'll care about. What has she said already? Tell me honestly. I +have every right to know." + +The measure of an Eastern woman's submission is the measure of her +love; and, in faltering, tailless phrases, she told him honestly of +the half-hour's talk that had jolted her from heaven to earth; +adding, on her own account, a tremulous plea for duty and family +honour, and--hardest of all--for the girl in his own rank of life.... + +But this he would not endure, even from her. + +"Lilamani--how dare you, after--just now! As for my father, no doubt +he would rather I chose a girl in my own set; you see, I am frank +with you. But in my country, a man marries to please himself, not to +please his father." + +She sighed; then, smiling bravely up at him: "In my country it is not +so: at least--not with women----" + +"I know that. Audrey told me also--of you----" + +"Of me?" + +A wave of hot colour flooded her face: and his hold upon her +tightened. + +"Darling, we won't speak of that, or think of it even," he whispered; +and through the thin veil she felt his lips upon her hair. "You are +mine now--for always. Your father will never be blind to your true +happiness! He is so courageous, so wide-minded----" + +"Yes--yes. But--in this, it is not him; it is our law, our custom. +If I, a Hindu, marry to a foreigner, I am cut off for always from +family, from caste, from religion--from ever going back to my home. +This he cannot change with all his wishing and his courage; and for +this--he would surely break his heart. But he shall not--he shall +not----" her voice vibrated on a low note of passion--"that is why I +can only--break--my own." + +"And mine, by the way. Does that go for nothing?" + +At the thrill of pain in his tone, the sob so bravely beaten back +rose up again, striking away her pitiful defences of pride and +maidenly aloofness. Then--how it came about she never quite knew, +though he perchance could have enlightened her--she found herself +crying her heart out on the shoulder of the man who could never be +her betrothed; burning face hidden against his damp silk shirt; +distraught spirit soothed by the magic of his touch. And, for a +while, beyond murmured endearments, he made no attempt to check her +tears. He blessed them, rather, in that they brought relief to her, +and to him the privilege of such caresses as a smiling Lilamani would +never have allowed. Only when the sobs had died down to shuddering +sighs, he brought his head close again and pleaded his cause with +hope renewed. + +"Beloved--if ... supposing ... your father is not dead against me as +a son-in-law, you would be willing to sacrifice ... all you said----?" + +Her passionate whisper, "Yes--oh yes----" lifted him to such heights +of humility as it is good for a man to reach once in a life. "But he +will never--never----" she sighed out her tragic conviction. "And +without his consenting, I will never--make promise ... even for +you----" A tremor shook her stoical resolve. But she checked his +threatened interruption, and went on, with a lift of her small, proud +head: "For me there can be no marriage. Punishment of gods doubtless +for going against my mother. I must only be thankful for freedom to +do Audrey's plan. I will conquer these ugly studies. Then--I go +back to my father and--my country; and I will bring health and light +to my less free sisters, who are sick of body or of mind----" + +"You will do nothing of the sort, you blessed little saint," he +assured her; and his conviction, though a smiling one, equalled her +own. "You will stay where Fate has sent you, to give health and +light to one unworthy Englishman, who can't live without you. +Lilamani----!" He drew near again and stood before her, very +straight and virile in the clinging silk shirt and _kummerbund_. +"Have you quite grasped the fact, even now, that I want you more than +I have ever wanted anything on earth? Why should we meet tragedy +half-way? Seeing how you are placed, your father might be readier +than you think.... Only give me a chance to ask him, +to-morrow--to-night even----" + +"Not you. It is for me now," she said softly. "It is I that can +give him less pain in telling. Also--it is only I that +might--perhaps--bring him to see this thing with our eyes----" + +"Yes--yes. You are right. You will speak soon?" + +"I could not sleep to-night without telling him all that is in my +heart." + +Her eyes had a far-away look, rapt and tender. He felt himself +forgotten, and knew the prick of jealousy. + +"Dearest," he said with sudden intensity, "will you ever love me half +as well as that?" + +"Foolish one!" she rebuked him tenderly, and the play of blood in her +cheeks was an uplifting thing to see. "How shall I know--yet? But +this I know--we are staying here too long. Audrey will be so +wondering and so angry." + +"What a calamity! And your news won't mend matters, I'm afraid." + +"No. That is the pity. But still--we must go quickly. Look--the +wind is almost dead." + +"Is it?" he asked, looking instead at the delicate pencillings of +distress between her brows. + +"And the rain also," she went on, stepping out for a fuller view of +sea and sky. "Look how the sun is sparkling it like jewels! And +there--over there--more beautiful than all! So great a rainbow! Two +rainbows. Such as I have never seen!" + +It was true. Arched across the eastern sky, where rent clouds +unveiled a vision of frail, storm-washed blue, a double rainbow +spanned the heavens in two unbroken arcs. Not blurred and misty, but +astonishingly clear, gleamed each ring of those primal colours that +rightly fused create the miracle men call light; even as love and +courage, faith and truth, in perfect fusion, create that other +miracle men call a human soul. + +And while they stood watching, awed to silence, these two who had +touched the secret springs of life, sea and sky grew calmer, till all +the blue was stippled with footprints of the vanished wind--umber and +grey and white, smitten by the passing sun to luminous tints of pearl. + +"'Bride of the Rain,' that is how Arabs call it," Lilamani whispered +at last; and the man's hand closed upon hers that hung at her side. + +"Very beautiful," he said in the same tone, as if they stood on the +threshold of a temple. "For you are my Bride of the Rain! And it's +a good omen. You know our Bible legend?" + +"Yes. I have read." + +"The bow of promise--you remember? Well, there it is--twice over. +Yours and mine." + +Smiling, she shook her head; and the eyes she turned upon him had +their own rainbow-light of love gleaming through tears. + +"You have the more courage. But you cannot see, so clear as I see, +all the frowning mountains----" + +"Love and faith can move mountains, Lilamani." + +For a fleeting instant, her glance caressed him. "It is possible. +And you must believe that I will do all I can--except go against my +father. Come now----" the hand that nestled in his own was gently +withdrawn. "And please--if Audrey is waiting me downstairs, will you +come up with us--that she shall not ask me questions? I cannot speak +with her--of you, till I have spoken with my father. Will you come?" + +He beamed at the request. "At least, then, you allow my right to +protect you?" + +"I am allowing--every right," she answered very low. "Only--I have +so little hope-- + +"Well, I have enough for us both and to spare!" + +"Ah--that is a thought to shame my weakness. Come, quickly." + +So they went together up the broad path from the sea, keeping farther +apart than need be, lest any recognize them as lovers stepping +downwards from the hill of dreams into the valley of stones. And +Miss Blakeney, smiling distantly upon them, as they mounted the +steps, was moved to righteous disapproval at the increasing +forwardness of the "Indian curio," who by rights should be safely +shut away from the sight of man, "Instead of flagrantly fishing for +an English husband--whom she would certainly never catch!" A +spiteful touch evoked by the transfigured aspect of Nevil Sinclair's +face. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + "C'est un ordre des dieux qui jamais ne se rompe + De nous vendre bien cher les grands biens qu'ils nous font." + VICTOR HUGO. + + +No sign of Audrey below stairs, to their exceeding relief. Lilamani +hoped secretly that practical considerations had driven her to her +room. So might the culprit escape unchallenged to her room. But +when jealousy and curiosity join hands with an unwavering sense of +duty, the culprit's chances of escape are small: and Audrey Hammond +had every intention of speaking out her mind to both. + +Reaching the hotel, saturate and rebellious, she had looked round for +a sight of them, in vain. Dignity and the state of her own heart +alone withheld her from going straight back through the rain; and she +may be forgiven if irritation triumphed. + +"What on earth can Nevil be doing?" she broke out hotly. "It is +abominable of him to detain Lilamani like this, when she's wet +through----" + +"Not half so wet as you are," Broome said soothingly. "You got the +full brunt of it, being on the weather side; and no doubt Nevil +thought it better to take shelter till the worst was over." + +"He had no business to think----!" + +"Make allowances, Miss Hammond. It's a talent worth cultivating. I +was nine-and-twenty once myself, and one remembers a thing or two. +Seeing that shelter included ten minutes alone with a charming girl, +I don't blame Nevil for taking it. No young fellow worth his salt +would have done otherwise." + +"Of course not. That's the exalted way you men look at things!" The +concentrated superiority of modern girlhood tinged her tone. "But +with Lilamani it is different, as he knows well enough. She is an +Indian girl----" + +"And Nevil is an English gentleman," Broome reproved her quietly. +"Miss Lakshman Singh is perfectly safe with him; and I see no reason +why we should risk catching severe colds on their account. If a +layman of advanced age may presume to prescribe to a doctor--I should +advise immediate change of clothes, and ammoniated quinine. May I +see you to your room?" Again he had her metaphorically by the arm. +Refusal would have been folly--undignified folly; and of that Audrey +was incapable. At her door he had left her; and she, hurriedly +exchanging a wet coat and skirt for a dry one, was out again on the +landing before five minutes were up. + +The lift halted; an elderly lady emerged, closing the door behind her. + +Cool as she was by temperament, anger burned in Audrey Hammond like a +white flame; anger against the man who had stolen her own heart +unawares, and now--in the teeth of her straight-speaking--seemed set +upon wrecking her dearest project, to say nothing of Lilamani's +happiness. That he would be mad enough to offer his distinguished +name to a Hindu girl-student--however well-bred--she could not bring +herself to believe. He was simply indulging his masculine privilege +of stealing with one hand the priceless thing he must needs throw +away with the other. Oh, these men--these self-styled "lords of +creation!"--with their unconscionable assumption that women, whose +meed is worship, were created solely for their personal delectation! +And the heresy dies hard; despite the pains taken by a subversive +minority to refine away from man, the overgrown schoolboy, all the +true masculinity, the essential barbaric, that spells national power. + +Not that Audrey would have admitted this last. She merely rejected +on principle the "lord of creation" theory of life: raged against it, +rather, in her present mood. But so long as the bulk of +"unenlightened" women persist in setting the needs of others above +their own, what hope for the champions of self-assertion and +so-called equality? What hope indeed, seeing that Nature--who abhors +equality as heartily and justly as she abhors a vacuum--framed the +other-regarding woman for her own great ends: a fact more frankly +recognized in the East than in the West, as Audrey had good reason to +know. + +And Lilamani, angelic little fool, was, in this respect, Eastern to +the core: misguided past hope of redemption! If Nevil had won her +love, she would quite conceivably take a pride in prostrating herself +at his feet, while he stepped over her quivering heart into more +eligible arms. + +Thus Audrey, pacing the empty passage; listening for the +unconscionable two, who came not; and longing for the relief of +speech, however inadequate. + +Ah!--the lift again. She swung round, steeled to fresh +disappointment; and lo, they were coming towards her. But there was +that in both faces which proclaimed the futility of reproof. Baulked +at all points, she could only listen, with impassive interest, to the +transparent lameness of Nevil's explanation, that explained nothing +save the one fact obviously suppressed. + +"We were afraid you might be wondering what had come to us," he +concluded airily. "But it was a punishing downpour; and Miss +Lilamani is wet enough as it is." + +"Yes, I will go at once and change. Good-bye for now; and thank +you." She gave him her hand, but not her eyes; adding, for Audrey's +benefit, with a desperate attempt at lightness: "I will make sure and +remember the quinine!" + +Two minutes later, she stood alone, behind the blessed shelter of her +bedroom door; and Audrey heard the key turned softly. A knife turned +in an open wound could hardly have hurt her more. + +But Nevil was speaking again; apologizing for his disregard of +advice, and for the anxiety it must have caused her, to say nothing +of the wetting. + +"But I sincerely hope you'll neither of you be the worse for that," +he added with a fervor that hardened her heart afresh. + +"Make your mind easy. Lilamani won't die of it," she answered him +gravely. "But rain or no rain, you ought to have brought her +straight in. You had no right whatever to do anything else." + +A light she had not yet seen sprang to his eyes. But he controlled +himself and said coolly: "That remains to be proved." + +"Nevil! What on earth do you mean?" + +He answered her with a direct look that drew the blood to her cheeks. +"I can't give you a full explanation yet, Audrey. What's more, I'm +not responsible to you for my actions." + +"To me? No. But what of Sir Lakshman Singh?" + +"We can settle that--when I see him to-morrow. Good night." + +He was gone; and she stood alone, deliberately shut out from the +confidence of the two human beings who, at the moment, made up more +than half her world. Incredible that he could be in earnest. And +Sir Lakshman Singh? If she knew anything of the man he would not +hear of it. But still--it might be well to see Nevil before the +morrow, in spite of his rebuff; and make him understand that, for +Lilamani's sake, he must not persevere in so crazy a proposal. She +would go down after dinner; leaving the father and daughter alone. +Her heart cried out that she could not sleep till she had the truth +from Nevil himself. + +Fortified by this decision, she looked into the sitting-room, told +Sir Lakshman (who was growing anxious) they had escaped with nothing +worse than a wetting, and that Lilamani was lying down; then went on +to change for dinner. + +The meal that followed was not enlivening: Sir Lakshman preoccupied +with the business that had kept him at home; Lilamani patently ill at +ease; and Audrey, between snatches of machine-made talk, counting the +minutes till she could decently make her escape. + +On the arrival of coffee she rose with a hurried murmur about +promising a book to Madame de Lisle, picked one up at random, and +sped down the broad, shallow staircase, rating herself for the +flutter of trepidation within. + +Disappointment again. The Spinners of Destiny seemed in league +against her all round. Nevil was nowhere to be seen. + +He had dined early, in the restaurant, to evade the X-ray glances of +his friends; and at the moment of Audrey's descent he was pacing the +long path by the sea, "making glowworms" with an unimpeachable cigar +and living the afternoon's triumph over again. + +On this night of nights, the claims of father, family, social +position, and trifles of a like significance to both, suffered total +eclipse. The man saw nothing but Lilamani; his indubitably, by +virtue of that dumb adoration in her eyes. To-morrow he would claim +her openly, regardless of conventional arched eyebrows and uplifted +hands--if only she could win the consent of Sir Lakshman. In this +direction alone he admitted possibility of failure. Not all Love's +sovereign egoism could blind him to the truth that upon those hidden +rocks of duty and devotion to her father the storm-waves of passion +would beat without avail. But surely if the man idolized her, as +Audrey had said, all must be well. + +Impatience racked him. How could he wait till morning, when by now +his fate might be sealed! + + +And even while he paced and smoked, and built air-castles under the +wistful stars, Lilamani knelt beside her father's chair, lids lowered +demurely, hands resting lightly on his arm. + +"Father mine--there is a thing I must tell before sleeping: a thing +my heart is aching to tell. And yet--it is afraid----" + +"Of me? Since when has it learnt such foolishness, joy of my life?" + +His free hand covered hers. + +"Since a few days only; and now still more--because, in returning +from the boat--Mr. Sinclair----" + +"Ah--what of him?" + +The sharpness of his tone startled her. She looked up in dismay. + +"Kindest, please not be too quick to blame, or how shall I find +courage for the truth? To-day, after landing, when Mr. Broome and +Audrey hurried on, he ... he waited me, under the arch, because of +rain; and then he told me ... asked me.... How can I say all? Only +that he wishes, very much ... oh, very much ... that I give him +promise--of betrothal----" + +Sir Lakshman felt the small hands quiver beneath his own, that closed +upon them firmly in token of assurance, while, for her sake, he +mastered his amazed indignation and spoke. + +"My child, I have been fearing, these last days, that some such +madness was in his mind. But this I did not look for, that he should +presume, without my leave, to speak so freely----" + +"He says ... English custom," she pleaded softly, not daring, now, to +hint at freedom other than speech. + +"With their own women, it is true. But in such a case, quite outside +experience, he did wrong to make use of closer intimacy, permitted +only for a time, by reason of his urgent wish. Yet, after all ... +_I_ should have foreknown. Lacking true detachment, by reason of +love's frailty, I had not courage to resist the offer of this +picture, when your image in my heart should have sufficed. Seeing +how your beauty had smitten him from the first, I should have been +steadfast in refusal: and now--because the gods strike through our +best-beloved--behold my punishment laid on you, who have already +suffered enough. Is it not so, Lilamani? Is it he alone who wishes, +very much--this impossible thing? Or do you also----?" + +"I also." + +The words were a mere whisper. She had bowed her forehead upon his +hand; and it was wet with her tears. + +"You told him this?" + +"I told him." + +A stifled sound escaped Sir Lakshman Singh: and she, choking back her +grief, knelt upright, the tear-drowned eyes challenging his with a +courage of his own bestowing. + +"Kindest--if I did wrong, you will forgive. How should one heart lie +to another, when both stand unveiled? Yet I gave no promise, except +I would plead your consent to this, which you call impossible. Oh, +Father ... to us it does not seem so." + +"Kama, godling of the arrows, has thrown dust in your eyes," the man +answered, smiling sadly. "And this Mr. Sinclair has not the smallest +knowledge of what such marriage would mean--for you----" + +"But I told him; saying also I was ready ... to forego all; in +certainty nothing could quite cut me off--from you. Could it--could +it?" + +"No, sweetest one. With us, no division can come between soul and +soul. Yet spirits are constrained to dwell in the house of the body. +And the ocean is wide; as you know, now----" + +Her tears overflowed. "I know ... bitterly I know. Only ... you +would come more often, for my sake----" + +"Assuredly: whenever possible. But what of your mother, your +brothers, your religion? True, I have shown you sacred books of many +creeds, that you might perceive how the light of the One great Unseen +dwelling behind the veil of the seen shines alike through all forms +of doctrine and worship. Yet for each man the form received from his +own ancestors, his own country, is best. Believing this, as I do, +daughter of my heart--you would surely not wish to change; even +though you must lose all except essence of our faith?" + +She drew in a tremulous lip. + +"Oh, it is easy with lips alone to make sacrifice! But marriage and +religion are one; and unless--by accepting the last, how shall I gain +the first?" + +"There is yet a way: only it is as if to cure one ill with another. +In Europe they have an evil practice of making marriage by law, +without ceremonies of consecration----" + +"No--oh no! We could not have it thus. Sooner, I would make any +sacrifice. From him I will learn of his creed, that his God may be +as my God. In this first great matter husband and wife must be of +same mind." + +"Truly spoken, wise one. You have seen enough in your own home of +the trouble that comes when they are not so, even though of same +creed. But faith is not as a garment, to be taken up or cast +aside--even at command of love. Believe me, child, yours would not +change, though you deck it in new words and give it a new name. You +would not ever have one mind with this man of traditions and ideals +far away from your own. Knowing these things, I do well to say such +union is not possible for this daughter of mine." + +"Oh, Father--Father!" All the newly-awakened passion of her woman's +heart, dutifully repressed till now, voiced itself in that despairing +cry. "I will never go against you. But you said ... I have suffered +enough. Now ... will you kill me right out?" + +He winced: then gathered her close. + +"Hush, dearest one; that is wild talk. If I am seeming cruel for a +moment, it is only that I may save you from worse suffering--when too +late. No, not to interrupt. Listen a little longer; remembering +that I have lived in England and speak of what I understand. Even if +you are ready to renounce all, endure all--and I am believing you +capable of both--there are, for Mr. Sinclair, difficulties not to be +brushed aside like cobwebs. Audrey tells me he is eldest son of a +Baronet and by duty to his family----" + +"That she told me, too----" For some reason Audrey's name pricked +her to impatience, "and to-day, I tried to speak of it; but he +said----" + +"Yes, yes. I know well what young men of all nations say when their +blood is on fire for passion of a beautiful woman. And you are a +woman now, little one, beautiful as a half-blown lotus-bud in the +moon. More than that, remember you are light of my eyes, the most +priceless jewel of my heart; and you are asking that I shall bestow +this upon a stranger, a foreigner, of other creed and race----" + +"But Father--are you not forgetting he is of the race you admire more +than all?" she pleaded eagerly, inspired by despair to one last +eloquent appeal. "Is it not from your own so big mind I have been +learning, all these years, to join your admiration of this great +England and those her ideals you told of only yesterday? Is it not +you that have shown me, by stories and poems of her highest writers, +how it is beautiful, this love-made marriage between +freely-consenting hearts of woman and man? Is it not you who saved +me from that other marriage, worse than death, and gave leave for the +picture that has brought to me this--crown of life? Have I not heard +you speak often against those lines about East and West, that the two +may not meet; because you must believe there might one day come +closer understanding, through sympathy--through love? Is it only +from your _lips_ this believing, Father mine? And if from the +heart--how better to prove such belief than by giving even your most +priceless jewel to a man of this fine race----" Her voice broke on +the words; her flash of eloquence died out. "Oh, Father, I beg you +not take away all hope!" she cried piteously, and hid her face upon +his breast. + +For many minutes she lay thus, a quivering sheaf of sensibilities, +soothed by the strong pressure of his hand upon her head; praying +passionately to Mai Lakshmi, goddess of Fortune, who, being a woman, +must surely hear and make him understand. Then, in a tense +expectancy, she waited--waited for the words that seemed as though +they would never come: not realizing, in her anxiety, that his +silence proved the strength of her appeal. + +In language the more arresting for its simplicity, she had set before +him the truth that unwittingly he himself had led her, step by step, +toward this undreamed of consummation. He saw her--his priceless +jewel--set between the devil and the deep sea; between the hideous +marriage from which he had snatched her, and a life of barren +womanhood, devoted to uncongenial work. To this pass he had brought +her through insistence on a Western education, and delight in her +sweet companionship; or, in the language of his own creed, through +lack of detachment, whereby all evils come. + +Dare he deny her so miraculous, if questionable, a chance of escape? +No student, it was plain--this lovely and lovable child of his +begetting; but just true woman, who, having found her lode-star, must +follow it, "to her triumph or her undoing." And he who so heartily +wished to see concord replace conflict between East and West, could +it be thus that the gods bade him give proof of the desire, the +belief that was in him--as she had said? + +"Lilamani." He spoke at last, lifting her head from its shelter and +framing her face with his hands. "Habit is master even of the +strongest. I have never denied you in small things. How should I +deny you in this--greatest of all? Your words have the force +belonging to truth. That which my own acts have brought about, I +have no right, no power to undo. Marry this man, child, if you +cannot find happiness except in taking such tremendous risk. I was +hoping in time you would get more pleasure from your studies. +Selfish hope, because in the end they would bring my uncaged bird +back to the nest." + +"I also was hoping, and for that same reason--dearest," she made +answer steadily, though tears gleamed on her lashes. "But ask your +private heart only--is woman created for wisdom in book-lore, or in +heart-lore? Is she, before all things, Life-healer, or Life-bringer? +Audrey might think--the first. But I ... never! And will it be +great harm for England if I give to her a few children with best +blood of India in their veins?" + +For such a mingling of young simplicity and womanly wisdom he could +find no answer but a lingering kiss on her brow. + +"That is the seal of your consenting?" she whispered. And he: "It is +the seal of your freedom, rather, to make your own decision. Only +this I counsel, that you give no promise of betrothal till you have +considered, with cooler brain and heart, all that you must lose for +this one gain. Best wisdom, believe me, child, is that you should go +without any sight of him for one whole week. Abstinence will bring +surer knowledge of your own heart; also, in detachment of spirit, you +will see more clearly to judge true judgment." + +"And--he?" + +"I will myself see him to-morrow. I must know something more of him +and of his own people, before I can fully give consent. After seeing +him, I will ask him to go right away for one week. Not too long, +little one?" + +She shook her head with compressed lips and puckered brows. + +"I shall put very clearly to him all you must forego, and see that he +too is ready to face his share of difficulties like a man. Because +... if he should make you unhappy----?" + +Murder gleamed in the dark of Sir Lakshman's eyes; and she leaned to +him, lightly smoothing his brow. + +"On that account, Father, have no fear." + +"Yet even so--there is too much that might bring you trouble; and I +not by to help. Think, my child, if the Gods in anger should take +him from you, leaving you a widow--young, beautiful, cut off from +home and country----" + +"Oh, please, please hush!" she cried out, covering her ears. Then, +with a sudden dawn of inspiration in her face, she added low and +fervently: "Shall the flesh survive when the soul is gone? If the +Gods smite me through him--I go also. I am _suttee_. There are +other ways than the funeral pyre." + +She set her small hands palm to palm; and he pressed them between his +own, knowing well that she spoke truth. Yet, for all his +enlightenment, was he too innately a Hindu to voice his conviction +that surely she was of those whom the Gods themselves could not +wittingly harm. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + "He which observes the wind shall hardly sow; + He which regards the clouds shall hardly reap, + Risk all, who all would gain: and blindly. Be it so." + FRANCIS THOMPSON. + + +There were at least four people in the Hotel du Cap who slept very +ill that Friday night, and welcomed the smile of morning with the +peculiar gratitude of those who have been at odds with their pillow +through the small hours. + +Perhaps, of the four, Audrey Hammond had the worst of it. A sense of +being shut out from the confidence of those, who in a peculiar sense +belonged to her, added poignancy to suspense; and, by the time +Annette's knock gladdened her ears, all she asked was certain +knowledge--good or bad. + +The maid handed her a note. She paused a moment to steady herself +before opening it; then she read the few lines writ in pencil--and +knew the worst. + + +"DEAR AUDREY,--I slept too little in the night, and this morning I +will stay in my room alone. You will hear from father all that came +to me yesterday, still too wonderful to believe. It will make you +sad. Perhaps angry. But I am hoping you will understand that heart +must come before head when it is a woman. And please forgive, if you +can, your stupid and disappointing, but so grateful, + +"LILAMANI." + + +She read the note twice over, tears clutching at her throat. But she +would not suffer them to fall, though such kindly rain would have +been her best medicine of healing just then. Strange how all +jealousy, all thought of the man seemed suddenly eclipsed by the pain +of losing this "stupid and disappointing" Lilamani, whose heart must +come before her head. Instinctively her latent motherhood had gone +out to this unmothered child, whom Nevil--with characteristic +disregard of complex issues--must have asked to be his wife. But +what of Sir Lakshman? Could even Lilamani persuade him to +countenance such madness? With Audrey dressing was always a rapid +operation: but this morning she broke her record. + +Sir Lakshman stood awaiting her, composed and courteous as usual, but +with creases of worry on his brow. Her own mask of cheerful +practical interest did credit to her powers of self-control. + +"Lilamani sent me a line," she remarked, pouring coffee and milk into +Sir Lakshman's cup. "The child slept badly and won't hurry up. She +says you have news for me. Is it--Nevil?" + +"Yes. He wishes to marry her." + +"And--can you bring yourself to consent?" + +At that direct attack, composure deserted him. + +"Miss Hammond, situated as she is--can I bring myself to refuse?" + +Audrey considered the question while helping herself to honey. + +"That complicates matters," she admitted grudgingly. "It is +disappointing that the study of medicine is so little to her taste. +Yet--I suppose you would hardly let her marry into a family that +might refuse to receive her as one of themselves?" + +"Is it likely?" the man asked sharply. + +"Well--possible, from what I know of Sir George Sinclair and Lady +Roscoe. Arrogance, and narrow prejudice, you will say. But you have +to remember that many intelligent and cultivated people, who have had +no connection with India, would not see much difference between an +Englishman's marriage with an Indian girl of good breeding, like +Lilamani, or--say--with a superior ayah." + +The fighting gleam in Sir Lakshman's eye told her the shot had gone +home. + +"It is precisely about this that I must speak to Mr. Sinclair," said +he, and the fighting note was in his voice. + +"Oh, you can trust Nevil to make light of family disapproval! But it +will be no light matter for Lilamani. And, for them--well, Nevil is +the eldest son. It is only natural they should think ... of his +children." + +"Believe me--I think of them also. In India marriage is for that +purpose. Yet consider, for her sake, if I refuse--what then? +Stumbling-blocks at every turn," he muttered, frowning. "I have been +breaking my shins against them all night long. I have sent word I +will see Mr. Sinclair. And, at all events, I send him away for a +week. Then--we shall see." + +"A week! Poor Nevil!" + +"Yes. I can enter in his feelings. But she is worth waiting for." + +With which conclusion he fell back upon silence. Plainly his pride +of caste and of fatherhood were up in arms--which was well, from +Audrey's point of view. + +The instant breakfast was over she made haste to be gone. If she +knew anything of Nevil that message would bring him upstairs three +steps at a time; and she prayed to be spared from meeting him as she +ran down. + +To-day her _kismet_ was kinder. She was safe in the little olive +wood near the tennis-courts when Nevil Sinclair sped along the +passage to the corner sitting-room, marshalling arguments that might +convince the man who had power to crush or crown him with a word. +Rather odd, having a Hindu for a father-in-law, he reflected; and +hardly knew whether he relished the idea. Still--Sir Lakshman was +the father of Lilamani, and in many respects far above the average +semi-Anglicized Asiatic. His enlightenment was not a mere matter of +Bond Street suits, slang phrases and a motor-car. He was of the very +few who assimilate the spirit of culture with its forms; and without +question he had passed on the lighted torch to his child. + +Certainly he appeared a father-in-law of whom no man need feel +ashamed as he rose to greet the bold young Englishman, who was +displaying one of the essential qualities of his race in his +readiness to take a risk and face the consequences: a quality that +breeds great mistakes, and, by the same token, great achievements +also. + +"Good morning, Sir Lakshman. Glad to get your message," Sinclair +said, with a valiant show of assurance. Then, irresistibly, his +glance travelled towards the balcony. + +"No, she is not there," Sir Lakshman said, smiling, yet with a touch +of constraint. He had not been prepared for sudden recrudescence of +the keen primeval antagonism that for the moment made further speech +difficult. His passing awkwardness gave Sinclair courage, and +unloosed his tongue. + +"I believe I did wrong in speaking first to your daughter, Sir +Lakshman," said he, plunging valiantly into the heart of the matter. +"And I apologize. Frankly, though, I don't regret it. If I had come +to you first, you would probably have sent me about my business." + +"That is possible." Sir Lakshman smiled more kindly. In the face of +such manly straight-speaking how should antagonism hold its own? + +"But now that I have spoken, for God's sake don't say you can't trust +her to me!" Nevil cried out; his assurance changed to sudden fear. + +"Sit down, Mr. Sinclair," said the Indian, laying a hand on the young +man's shoulder and gently pushing him into the arm-chair. "It is of +this that we must speak. You come to me asking the greatest gift one +man can make to another. Well--I have strong prejudice in favour of +your country; and to yourself I took great liking on that first +evening, when you drove in your thin end of wedge. Yet I hesitated +very much even then. Better, perhaps, for all--had I refused." + +"Can you honestly think that, sir, seeing how she is placed?" + +"Honestly--perhaps not. But now, if I hesitate still more, do me +justice to believe it is not from doubt of trusting her to you, but +because such trusting would involve many difficulties over which you +can have no control." + +"Yes--yes. That's the pith of the problem," Nevil admitted with a +frankness that raised him many degrees in the Hindu's esteem. "I +hardly slept last night for thinking of it all. It seems she must +pay a big price for the privilege of accepting a worthless chap like +me. But she's willing to pay it. That I know--since yesterday. And +I suppose you know it too?" + +"Without a doubt. She is pure Hindu woman in her capacity for +sacrifice of self. But her eyes are dazzled. They cannot see all it +will mean. And her great loss makes greater responsibility for you." + +Nevil nodded feelingly. He stood at the cross-roads now with a +vengeance. But the last vestige of hesitation had been burnt up by +the flame within. + +"That's true enough," said he. "And responsibility's new to me. +Audrey would tell you I don't know the meaning of the word. But I do +know that in these few weeks, your daughter has awakened more than my +heart. Isn't my picture proof of that? And can I do more than give +you my word of honour to make her happiness my first consideration? +I admit there are difficulties I can't control. But there are still +a good few that I have power to soften. In the first place, we could +live mainly abroad. The climate and the general atmosphere would +suit her better than England--don't you think?" + +"Yes; much better. But what about your people? Your career?" + +"My career--if I achieve such a thing--was decided on Thursday, by +Martino's verdict on my picture. No more amateur work for me after +that. So, in any case, remaining abroad gives me a double advantage. +Better scope for study, and escape from family friction at close +quarters." + +Sir Lakshman suppressed a sigh. "You are claiming heavy price for +your gift, Mr. Sinclair. For you the substance. For me the shadow. +And I am to understand there would be even more 'family friction' as +you say, if I permit this marriage?" + +Nevil hesitated, tugging at his moustache; and for a second or so +they confronted each other in silence, these two, who so deeply and +diversely loved the girl to whom the murmur of their voices through +the wall came as the sound of an unresting sea, that had power to +float or to capsize her rosy-sailed bark of life. + +"I have the right to expect frankness from you," the Indian began, +and Nevil broke in eagerly--fearful of what might follow: + +"You shall have it, sir; only ... such things are not easily said. +I'm afraid my people would be as much against the marriage as against +the artistry. But--I'm my own master; and their annoyance would blow +over. I promise you I would not take her home until I made sure they +would give her the right sort of greeting." + +"That is well. I should demand it. Yet there is always possibility +it might not 'blow over'; and anyway, from my point of view it is +most distasteful to think of letting daughter of mine marry in a +family that will look on her as what you call--_mésalliance_. It is +true what Miss Hammond said this morning. They would probably have +no knowledge of caste distinction. They would think you have +demeaned yourself----" + +"They may think what they thundering well please!" Nevil flashed out, +goaded by suspense. + +"Of yourself, certainly; if you are indifferent;" Sir Lakshman +conceded with his imperturbable dignity. "But of her--by no means. +You have to remember that although I give much respect to your +country, and am inclining to consent, for Lilamani's sake, yet, if +your father has his pride, I too have mine. To me it seems no more +honour for her to marry with you than with any fine young fellow of +her own country. She is of old Rajput family, therefore of good +birth and lineage, like yourself. In fact, if you had not been her +equal in that, I would never give consent. But there are other +obstacles serious enough. In the first place--her religion. For the +Indian woman religion is all; and marriage is a chief part of that +religion. It is consecration for this life and all other lives. +That is the inmost reason of _suttee_. The wife, being spiritually +higher than her husband, has all power over the welfare of his soul +in future incarnations; he, without her, having none. These are not +matters spoken of in my country between one man and another. But +only I do so because you most honestly love my child, and because +Westerns so ignorantly misjudge our motives in the matter of our +women; thinking we hold them in contempt, because we are giving them +so little material power, which is what you peoples chiefly prize, in +spite of Christian faith. But now consider--how shall there be +marriage of consecration without unity of creed? See then, what loss +for her, that she can have no power for the welfare of your soul." + +Nevil frowned; his fingers once more at his moustache. Dimly he +began to perceive the full complexity of a matter he had hoped, if +not expected, to settle out of hand. + +"Seems a sorry affair for her all round," he said ruefully. "I quite +thought a civil marriage would meet the difficulty." + +"So I was imagining. But to her, marriage unconsecrated is so +distasteful that rather would she change her religion for your own, +and would learn from you----" + +"My dear sir, I'm afraid my faith, what there is of it, is as +unorthodox and formless as the faith of most men nowadays. But hers +is the biggest part of her; and if she wants a voice in the welfare +of my soul, I'd almost as soon turn Hindu myself----" + +Sir Lakshman raised a protesting hand. + +"Put that from your mind," he said with great kindliness. "I +appreciate it as proof of your feelings. But if religion means not a +great deal to you, better, most certainly, to keep what you have of +your own. It is want of vitality in religion that is causing so much +harm in all progressive countries to-day. But you will not mend that +by change of name, which also would do no good in the matter I spoke +of. By this marriage she would be cut off--as she told you--from all +religious rites and privileges. She can keep only the spirit of her +belief. Better therefore, civil marriage, and for both to accept +that in this case, as in too many others, you cannot be of one mind." + +"God knows I'm willing to accept anything sooner than lose her," +Nevil made answer fervently. "And if she's willing too, why +shouldn't we have the courage of our convictions and make the +experiment?" + +Sir Lakshman had a smile of sympathetic understanding for the eager +confidence of youth that is at once so enviable and so pathetic to +the middle-aged. + +"A big matter for experiment. You have to consider also that +marriage is for more than for personal companionship. With us in +India that counts perhaps for too little. But at least we do very +well in recognizing that chief purpose of marriage is for continuing +the race; though unhappily there are too many signs it is not so +regarded among better classes of modern Europe and America. You will +please not take my frankness amiss. For this is a very serious +difficulty about which your father would have right to feel strongly, +you being his eldest son." + +Fresh confusion of face here for Nevil, who, in the ardour of +personal desire, had overlooked the most obvious stumbling-block of +all. + +"Jove, I didn't get as far as that!" he confessed, so ruefully that +the elder man's smile deepened to pure amusement. "But all the +same," he added valiantly ignoring the momentary jar, "whatever my +father's prejudices may be, I'd stake my life on it that--her +children and your grandchildren couldn't have very much wrong with +them, inside or out." + +"You are more wide-minded than most men of your race," Sir Lakshman +answered, plainly gratified by such wholesale loyalty to his Jewel of +Delight. "Yet there is one thing not to be escaped. In spite of +good blood on both sides those children must suffer the stigma of +half-breed, which Nature herself is said to abhor." + +Nevil winced: but his courage held good. "Why any more of a stigma +than if I married a well-born Spaniard or Italian?" + +"That has always been a puzzle for me, seeing that Indians are no +less of Aryan stock than southern races of Europe. But fact remains +that in one case there is stigma; in the other, not. Still, in my +great wish to promote closer sympathy between two so fine countries +as England and India I have often wondered would this be helped or +hindered by occasional marriage, between best on both sides. It is +very hard to tell. And, in my thinking, chief difficulty is not so +much race as religion, that is the soul of a race. From idealist +standpoint it seems as if such combination ought to produce fine +result; if only because soul of the West is masculine and soul of the +East, feminine. Yet look how unsatisfactory the mixed race created +in India by such crossing----" + +"In most cases, surely, the wrong kind of crossing. A marriage like +ours would be quite another affair. You know that. I declare you're +on our side in heart, sir: and it's you that should have the courage +of your belief and give your daughter a chance to work it out." + +Sir Lakshman shook his head. "Strange that she said much the same +last night; and between both of you, it seems as if I shall be driven +to it, after all. The Moslems have a proverb, true enough: 'When a +man and a woman are agreed, what can the Kazi do?'" + +"Give 'em their way, and wish them luck!" cried Nevil, in open +triumph. + +"So it appears! Yet the theory-maker is not often so eager to put +his theory in practice, fearing his pretty bubble might break; and no +father worthy of that name is eager to make experiment with his own +daughter. Also in my theory-weaving I have been checked too often by +a thought that even if some of us were willing to bestow our +daughters, as I mine, how should it fare with a high-caste Hindu who +should ask an English father what you ask from me. Now, you--who are +wide-minded--what answer to that?" + +Nevil hesitated, plainly at a loss. + +"There--you see!" Sir Lakshman turned out his hands in expressive +Eastern fashion. "Little use of readiness on one side. It must also +be on the other. And it is not." + +"But--surely--there is a difference. Indians admit it, tacitly, when +they speak of Western views and customs as enlightened. One, say +your daughter's case, seems an advance: the other--if you'll forgive +me--would be, in a measure, retrogression." + +"You think that? Well--I forgive. But I do not entirely admit. I +think only that for people of each country their own customs are +suited best. If we seem to Westerns too much jealous for the honour +of the Inside, it is partly because marriage, as I said, is for the +woman a consecration to motherhood, almost like Roman taking of veil; +and no Hindu would allow mother of his sons to run into such risk and +temptation as English husbands permit. For them it may be well; +their men having cooler blood and more restraint. Yet how often come +tragedies! How often family life--chief of all sanctities--is ruined +by consequence. Believe me, something can be said for both sides: +and always there is risk of suffering, if not harm, from change that +is not first prepared by development. In my daughter's case there +has been preparation--a small measure; chiefly in hope I might one +day bring her to England and lead her to wider life. Of such means +as this I did not dream. Yet it might seem as if without knowledge I +had most carefully prepared the path. Such mystery is in the ways of +Fate." + +"I believe it was ordained from the beginning--on both sides," Nevil +declared, with indomitable conviction forged upon the anvil of +desire. "And now may I see her, sir--and claim her promise?" + +"No, not to-day," spoke the voice of inexorable calm, so maddening +when the blood is on fire. "In fact--not until to-day week." + +"To-day week----! Why the devil----?" + +"My dear Sinclair, contain yourself." + +"Was it _her_ wish?" + +"The suggestion was my own; and she--in spite of her few years--has +enough of wisdom to know how it is needful to consider such important +question without too much disturbance of emotion, which nearness must +bring. I cannot let her make so great sacrifice with dazzled eyes, +even if to gain the desire of her heart. You also have to consider, +with cooler mind, your own share of sacrifice. Because if it should +happen that you are regretting when too late; and she came to know +it--as she surely would--then by all the Gods of my fathers----!" +Sir Lakshman checked himself sharply; but the set of his jaw and the +sheet-lightning in his eyes spoke his thought more forcefully than +words. For all his lover's egoism Nevil Sinclair recognized, beneath +the schooled detachment of Eastern fatherhood, a devotion no less +ardent than his own. + +"I'm not a mere boy, sir. I'm close on thirty," he said quietly. +"I've seen something of the world, and of women. Any chance of +regret, on my side, is out of the question. Consideration for +her--is another matter. It'll be a black week for me. But I'll pull +through it somehow, for her sake." + +"Bravely said," Sir Lakshman applauded, rising to his feet. "Better +for both if you could go right away. Make some little motor +expedition with your friend Broome. No?" + +Nevil's relief was obvious. + +"A happy thought. I'll ask him. I mayn't write a line?" + +"Better not." + +"And you won't over-persuade her?" + +"You can trust me for that, Sinclair. I may call you so now?" + +"Wish you'd make it Nevil, sir. It would sound a bit more promising." + +"That I shall do with pleasure--when Lilamani gives me the right." +The kindness of Sir Lakshman's smile seemed a promise in itself. +"Now good-bye, and good luck for you, till this day week. You shall +hear from me if you let me have address." + +"Thank you, sir. You've been uncommonly good to me," Nevil answered, +frankly returning the other's grasp. + +Then, in a mood of sadly-chastened exaltation, he went forth in +search of Cuthbert Broome. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + "Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment." + SHAKESPEARE. + + +No sign of Broome in the lounge-hall; and Sinclair, passing out on to +the wide balcony-verandah, scanned the seats where smokers and +newspaper readers basked in the strong unclouded sun of early March. +Two of the benches on the path below had been transformed into +open-air stalls; and toward these Sinclair was lured by the lover's +imperious need of giving, that is, in its essence, divine. But +choice was difficult, for a beloved so far removed from the usual +type. The trinkets were too trumpery; hairpins, combs and brushes a +trifle too intimate--as yet; paper-knives, and their like, too +impersonal, too prosaic. + +Then--while the rival pedlars volubly assailed him with +impossibilities, his eyes lighted on a pair of oval buckles in +mother-o'-pearl. By divine right of fitness, they were made for her +small golden shoes; and pushing aside the human flies that buzzed at +his ears, picked up his treasures. + +While he stood so, querying the man's preposterous demands, behold +Audrey, emerging from the olive wood, where she had been remodelling +her "sacred programme," and metaphorically fighting the beasts, like +any early Christian, without the stage properties of arena, audience, +and the martyr's crown. + +At sight of Nevil, appraising those shimmering trifles on his open +palm, she set her lips and stood still. Escape were impossible, nor +was she in the mood for it now. There are moments when +self-chastisement dulls the edge of self-pity. Besides--she wanted +to know. + +He looked up and recognized her. + +"Hullo, Audrey," he said, flushing awkwardly and closing his left +hand. + +"Too late. I saw them!" she rallied him, with a forced lightness +that had its undernote of pathos and pluck. "Has the modern dandy +progressed from striped silk socks to buckles on his pumps?" + +"Not yet! No doubt he will--in time! But--if you saw them----" his +boyish awkwardness was vexatiously engaging--"you must know--they +weren't the right size----!" + +"Yes. It puzzled me. Does it mean--congratulations?" she moistened +her lips. "I understood you were to be banished for a week." + +"So I am--bad luck to it." + +"And yet----?" + +"Oh, hang it all, it comes natural to a man. And I thought--I'd give +a hostage to fortune. You might wish me luck, Audrey," he went on, +paying for his hostages, and moving away with her, "though I have so +egregiously upset your apple-cart. It's awfully tactless of me; and +I apologize humbly. But one couldn't foresee--this." + +"No, indeed!" + +"Well then----? Are you quite too angry to wish me well? Or do you +disapprove, as usual--root and branch?" + +She lifted her shoulders. "Yes. I disapprove. But I'm not angry. +I've no right to be. Only disappointed, for the moment. Though I +don't see that my disappointment or disapproval need matter much--to +either of you." + +She had turned down toward the sea in speaking; preferring the pain +of his nearness to the pain of his absence; and she stepped beside +him in resolute fashion, with long leisurely strides. But the calm +of her tone did not carry conviction; and Nevil scrutinized her +well-cut profile with troubled gaze. + +"I wonder why you say that, Audrey?" he asked in the voice of +sympathy against which she steeled herself in vain. "Seeing that we +owe pretty nearly everything to your pluck, in persuading Sir +Lakshman to bring her home. And yet--I'm hanged if I know what's +gone wrong with you!" he broke out in honest bewilderment. "A +fortnight ago we were such good friends, I'd have sworn nothing could +come between us. But ever since I started the picture----" + +"My dear Nevil, it's not like you to make mountains out of +molehills!" Only a show of anger and open speech could save her from +betrayal. "Naturally I was anxious about Lilamani when I saw what +was happening to her. I never believed for a moment you would dream +of asking her to become--the future Lady Sinclair; and I dreaded +another emotional crisis, that would upset her studies and her +health----" + +"Well, then--now, you ought to be satisfied. And you're not." + +"No. You've only turned my anxieties into a fresh channel. To me +such a marriage seems little short of madness--for you both." + +"You think I'll not understand her--that I'll make her unhappy?" + +"God knows! If Lilamani were more like the average Indian girl--a +precocious little woman, graceful and gentle on the surface, sensuous +and subtle underneath, my chief concern would be--for you. But she +has a personality, a rare spiritual power that may just possibly +enable her to transcend the limitations of race. I'm not +over-fanciful or impressionable; and at first I looked upon her +simply as an attractive child, with brains that I was keen to develop +for the service of her country-women. But of late I have been +compelled to recognise--quite against my will!--that this mere child, +ten years my junior, could teach me deeper things than I could ever +teach her. Nevil--when that girl gives herself, she will give all, +without reservation or stint, as few English girls can, or will, in +these days. It's this that makes me tremble for her: and I confess I +half resent such a complete burnt-offering of personality being made +for the sake of--any man." + +"Even if he feels his own unworthiness in every fibre?" Sinclair +cried out with sudden fervour: and for a second or two--her own pain +forgotten--she regarded this new Nevil of Lilamani's making. + +Then: "If you honestly feel that," she said slowly, "if I could only +believe you might continue to feel it--after the gift has been given, +my own loss would be easier to bear. It will be a big loss in many +ways; how big I hardly knew--till I read that." + +Obedient, for once, to an impulse she did not stay to analyze, Audrey +Hammond handed Lilamani's note of the morning to Lilamani's lover, +and watched him while he scanned it; the ache of jealousy clashing +with the ache of mother-love. + +Nevil Sinclair read the note twice through, lingeringly, before +handing it back. + +"Hindu or no--she's an angel of God," he said under his breath. +"Thank you for letting me see it. But it makes me feel madder than +ever at being banished for a whole week!" + +"The best thing that could happen, all the same," said she. "I +admire Sir Lakshman's wisdom. When d'you go?" + +"This afternoon, I think; if I can fix it up with Broome. I came out +to look for him. But I'm glad I stumbled on you first. It's been a +relief, and a pleasure, to have a friendly talk with you again. Have +you seen anything of Broome?" + +"Yes. He went past, while I was in the wood, with Mrs. Despard and +Signor Martino, who had his easel. I believe he's painting on the +Cap." + +"Good. Let's join them." + +"You can. I'll turn back." + +"Why? Don't you like Mrs. Despard?" + +"Yes. She's charming. But we don't see life from the same angle. +She'll prophesy much smoother things to you, and wipe out all the +effect of my foreboding! Good-bye!" + +"No--not that: _au revoir_! And you won't wish me luck--even now?" + +"I can only wish--what is best, for you and her; and honestly I don't +yet know what that is." + +"But you won't frighten her off with your forebodings, will you, +Audrey? You'll play the game?" + +"I've too much of the boy in me to do anything else," she answered, +half proudly, half in bitterness. "If she is really--yours, nothing +will keep her from you." + +The last words gave an added warmth to his hand-clasp. "If you +believe that, Audrey, it should soften your disappointment. She +wasn't yours from the start. I'm convinced you brought her all the +way from India, simply that we might meet. And some day what is +really yours will come to you for a reward." + +"Will it? I wonder." + +Her eyes and tone had a strange softness. + +"Take my word for it," he assured her, smiling: and again, as on that +first night of revelation, she stood watching him while he left +her--alone. + +Yet was Sinclair thinking more of her, in that moment, than of his +banished love. This was not the Audrey who had greeted him, and +rated him, less than a month ago. There were new inflections in her +voice; and, just now, he could have sworn to the gleam of tears in +her eyes. Then--a sudden suspicion darted into light. Did it +mean----? Could it be ... that she...? Nonsense! He thrust away +the thought as an impertinent ebullition of masculine vanity; and +hurried on to the gleaming headland where Martino's easel and small +figure were silhouetted against the blue, while Broome and Mrs. +Despard lounged near at hand on a fragrant cushion of lentisk. + +They waved letters and newspapers at his approach, and Helen Despard +patted the empty space at her side. + +"Good morning, Mr. Sinclair. Come and laze with us on the most +luxurious spring couch in Europe! How that Colossus of industry, +Signor Martino, can stand and paint, hour after hour, in this +lotus-eating atmosphere is beyond me altogether. But you have earned +the right to loaf; and I want you to talk to me about that charming +girl." + +"I'm ready!" Nevil answered, sinking easefully down beside her, and +sniffing the aromatic sweetness of crushed leaves. + +Broome, leaning round on one elbow, eyed him keenly. + +"Thought I noticed a glorified air about you this morning," said he. +"What is it, my son?" + +"The best it could be. I've asked Miss Lakshman Singh to be my wife." + +"Good Lord, Nevil! You don't mean that! I thought----" + +"You thought I was amusing myself--legitimately?" All a lover's +indignation burned in his tone. "I've just been trying to persuade +Sir Lakshman to let me marry her at once." + +"Well?" + +"He's turned me off the premises for a week to think things out with +a cool mind, and give her a chance of doing the same." + +Broome nodded three times decisively. "'A Daniel come to judgment!' +You mean to leave the Cap?" + +"Yes. A week's spin in the motor would meet the case, if it suits +you." + +"Right. I'm your man. The last of my proofs went off yesterday, +which leaves me a free agent--till next time!" + +Helen Despard, prone upon her cushion, looked from one to the other +with sympathetic interest, awaiting her cue. But Martino, hearing +vague snatches of their talk, suddenly caught the drift of it and +pounced round upon them as a dog upon a bone. + +"_What_ is that you are talking, Sinclair? Not enough that you have +painted such a wonderful picture, but you are marrying the _houri_ +herself?" + +"The minute her father gives me leave," Nevil answered, proudly +content. + +"_Sapristi_! But that is true romance; too seldom seen in this age +of dry bones! And I applaud your choice. I--Martino--would have +done same myself, only that I have--lost my one lung." + +It was as if he had said "I have lost my umbrella"; and his stoical +coolness smote so sharply upon Nevil's sensitized heart that it cost +him an effort to answer, laughing: "No fear, Martino _mio_! Not +while I was alive and could wield a pistol!" + +The Italian shrugged his lean shoulders. "_Ebbene_! The better for +my art; even like my lame inside, that forbids me from +unfaithfulness, such as you will fall into, my friend, when that +_houri_ makes you the necklace of her arms, and you cannot see the +stars of heaven for the shining in her eyes." + +But for Sinclair the vision eclipsed the warning. + +"It's my belief I shall see them ten times more clearly," said he. + +"Ah, the incomparable lover! For that I shall petition the Holy +Virgin and all the Saints. Only through some great emotion, some +lightning-flash into Heaven or Hell--small matter which--is great +achievement born. So! If you can make full surrender, you gain the +more. For myself, I paint for your bride a sea-piece--the finest +that Martino's brush can achieve. It would please her--no?" + +"Beyond everything!" Nevil glowed visibly, Englishman though he was. +"Let it be all sea and sky, Martino. That's how she likes it best." + +It was then that Helen Despard leaned forward, laying a hand on his +arm. + +"This makes the fairy-tale sound astonishingly real," she said, with +softly smiling eyes. "I was charmed at first sight. I always found +Indian women curiously appealing: but I have met few of her quality. +I had my suspicions on Thursday--about you both; and I wondered very +much how far the Bohemian element in you would dominate the average +Englishman's instinct for the beaten track. It's a daring venture. +But, like Signor Martino, I applaud your choice." + +"Thank you. I felt sure you would," Nevil said simply. But though +his words were for Mrs. Despard, his eyes were questioning Cuthbert +Broome. + +"You don't feel quite so sure of me--eh, old chap?" quoth the +novelist, pensively tapping his pipe against a rock. + +"Well, it's always been the trouble--hasn't it?--the Bohemian element +under your Park Lane surface! I admit the girl's attractive enough +to knock any man off his centre. But still--what of Sir George?" + +Sinclair winced. "My affair, surely," said he, with a touch of +constraint. Then, because Broome was Broome, and licensed to say +what others might not, he added in a changed tone: "It's rough luck +on the old man, of course. But I'm free to choose for myself. He'll +admit that, if I know him, when the first vexation's over; and I +shan't take her home till it is. Once get 'em together, I can trust +her for the rest." + +"H'm. It's conceivable--after a time. What's more, if you leap into +fame with a picture or two, as Martino prophesies, and turn up in +town with a beautiful Eastern wife, it's quite on the cards that, in +this day of volatile fads and crazes, she might become the rage. I +can just picture certain hyper-cultivated, esoteric hostesses of my +acquaintance thrilled to the tips of their French suede gloves over +'a new find,' and discovering, with enthusiasm, that _saris_ and +Hindu philosophy are the only wear-- + +"Confound you, Broome!" Nevil broke in hotly--a new Nevil indeed. +"D'you think I'd let her be exploited by a parcel of society women?" + +"No, no, my dear boy, he doesn't think anything of the kind!" Thus +Helen Despard extinguishing the egregious author with wave of her +hand. "He's only talking ribald nonsense because it is his nature +to! Let him alone, and listen to me. I didn't spend fifteen years +in India with my eyes glued to one side of the picture, as some of us +do. I made many friends among high-caste native ladies and girls, +who are entering on a phase of transition as full of disadvantages +and difficulties as our own; and even more fertile in distressing +incongruities. Anklets jingling above heavy Oxford shoes. Saris +draped over unspeakable 'English jackets.' A smattering of music, +and a veneer of education from Zenana schools. But this girl--like +most Indian women of real distinction--seems to have been educated +mainly by her father, a very remarkable specimen of the Anglicized +native. Still--if you _do_ marry her, don't Westernize her more than +you can help. Keep her away from superficial English influences----" + +"Yes, yes, that's my notion," Nevil assented eagerly, with a +triumphant glance at Broome, the extinguished, who was consoling +himself with a second pipe. "I wouldn't change one iota of her +unique, delicately-poised personality. Her pretty poetic fancies and +her quaint turns of phrase are as much a part of her as the scent and +colour are of a flower." + +"Happy for her that you are poet enough to discern the essence of her +charm--once lost, never to be recaptured. Again and again I have +been puzzled and distressed to see how all that is vivid, beautiful, +and alluring in the Indian woman's personality becomes crude, +inartistic, and inadequate through too close contact with Western +things: the wrong things, no doubt. But it's hard to discriminate. +Keep your _houri_ Eastern, in thought and feeling--_and dress_, Mr. +Sinclair, and it's possible you may learn much from her that will +make you a better man and a finer artist. There's rank heresy for +you!" + +"Then you may write me down the rankest heretic that ever stepped." +And while Broome chuckled in his beard, Mrs. Despard patted the +artist's sleeve. + +"In that case it won't shock you if I add that we have more to learn +from the East--especially perhaps from its women-folk--than our +native arrogance will let us admit. There! my sermon's over; and I +shall see all I can of Miss Lakshman Singh while you're away. When +d'you go? At once?" + +"This afternoon; eh, Broome?" + +"M--yes. By the way. I promised to run over to Monte Carlo for the +night, on the trail of that mis-begotten lunatic, de Lisle, who went +off three days ago with some infallible new system in his pocket, and +every penny of his wife's spare cash. Not a line from him since; and +she seems afraid he might make away with himself if he lost it all. +Best thing that could happen for her, in my private opinion." + +"Poor soul! But how is she managing without the spare cash?" + +It was Helen Despard who spoke; and Broome, studying the horizon with +interest, made answer gruffly: "Oh, that's been squared--for the +present. And, for her sake, I've agreed to hunt for a needle in a +hay-stack. It's worth trying on the chance. You don't mind, Nevil?" + +"Rather not. We can put in the week-end there; and then take a run +into the low hills--Cagnes, La Tourelle, Gorge du Loup. Good to see +all the old places again, with new eyes." + +"That's fixed up, then. Two o'clock sharp." + +And on the stroke of the hour a snorting motor whirled them forth +upon their pilgrimage, through the iron gates of the Cap Hotel; while +a girl in a primrose _sari_ looked after them from the corner +balcony, and knew, for the first time, that strange and terrible +feeling, as of the heart being dragged out of the body and flung +quivering into space. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + "We are children of splendour and flame, + Of shuddering also and tears." + WILLIAM WATSON. + + +In the week of shifting scenes that followed, Nevil Sinclair saw many +things with new eyes. For love--the true, other regarding love that +lasts--is an adjusting glass, the most delicate and infallible given +to man. + +The two hours' drive, through Nice and on along the Dantesque +magnificence of the Grand Corniche road, with the peacock-breasted +sea flashing a thousand feet below, set him yearning for the presence +of his beloved, for her young, untarnished delight in it all. Not so +Monte Carlo, where the world, the flesh, and the devil stalk naked +and unashamed; where clean sea-breezes and life-giving sunshine seem +tainted with the greed of gold, the feverish pursuit of pleasures, +artificial and meretricious, that satiate, without satisfying, +creatures designed for better things. Even to think of Lilamani in +such an atmosphere seemed desecration; and Sinclair privately cursed +de Lisle for dragging him straight out of Paradise into this +glorified human dust-bin, where men and women of all nations and +temperaments scrabbled shamelessly for notes and gold. A man in love +is apt to resent the intrusion of ugly realities; and, in his present +mood, Sinclair marvelled how he could ever have found the place +amusing, even as a panorama of varied, if distasteful, life. + +They spent Saturday evening in the heart of the dust-bin--the great +Casino; passing from room to room, hot and heavy-laden with mingled +odours of orris-root and patchouli; from table to table, where silent +intent men and women massed three and four deep, automatically set +down and received doles of silver, paper or gold; their movements +regulated by the reiterate cry of the croupiers: "_Faites vos jeux, +messieurs. Faites vos jeux!_" + +Anxiously they scanned the close-packed rows of faces, frivolous or +haggard, tense or stoical, according to the player's race, +temperament, or immediate run of luck; themselves staking here a +five-franc, there a ten-franc piece, and winning, most often, because +they cared little for the game. It needed some grit on Nevil's part +not to desert his purposeful, great-hearted friend for the more +cheerful distraction of the theatre, or the divine serenity of stars +and sea faintly silvered by a moon nearing the full. But he had +promised to help; and for over an hour they pursued the needle +through the mazes of that unsavoury hay-stack. + +No sign of de Lisle. + +"Come out of this soul-destroying temple of lust, my son," Broome +said at last, taking Sinclair by the arm. Then--as the heavy swing +doors fell to behind them, and a whiff of cool night air gave them +delicate greeting: "Phew-ew! But it's a pestilential atmosphere, +offensive to the nostrils of sense and spirit. Tempts a man to +endorse the fool who said in his heart 'There is no God.' And we +must go again to-morrow evening--if it is the Lord's Day." + +Sinclair sighed. "Yes, worst luck. I suppose I'm a fool not to find +it amusing. But I don't." + +"Sorry, Nevil. But if you'd seen that poor plucky woman at Antibes, +agonizing over her boy, you'd not grudge a couple of days spent in +her service. And a man's not half a man if he can't look in the face +of sin and pain without his muscles turning to jelly and his blood to +gall. You young fellows of a hyper-civilized age need reminding, at +times, that there is such a thing as wholesome brutality--and an +unwholesome delicacy. Now come on, to the Hotel de Paris, and I'll +stand you a champagne supper to take the taste out." + + +Sunday was a nightmare of fruitless, unremitting search. Casino, +gendarmerie, likely hotels were ransacked for a husband--lost, +stolen, or strayed: without avail. + +"Give it up, man. You've done enough," Sinclair urged, as they +commanded _chocolat_ and _patisserie_, preparatory to a fresh start. + +"Have I?" quoth Broome, carefully choosing a sugared cake. + +The man had the persistence of natures born to succeed. More or less +Southern in temperament, he was emphatically British in his refusal +to accept defeat: and an hour later they ran their quarry to earth, +in a fourth-floor bedroom of a second-rate Pension. But his +wife--who knew de Lisle too tragically well--had been justified of +her forebodings. + +It was the shell of that which had once been a man that lay stiff, +dishevelled, and unshorn upon the neat white coverlet: the glazed +eyes half-open, the lean hands clenched, as in impotent defiance of +the Power that made and broke so poor a creature on the wheel of +things. The untidy dressing-table was littered with brushes, razor, +a half-empty coffee-cup, the unpaid hotel bill, and scraps of paper, +covered with hieroglyphic proofs of the infallible system that had +driven him to his death. + +Broome closed the unseeing eyes, and slipped a hand under the gaping +shirt. + +"Not long gone," he mused aloud. "Poison, most likely. Not a word +to his wife, I'll swear!" he added between his teeth; while Nevil, +with a sick sensation, compact of pity and disgust, went over to the +window that looked down into a narrow street, and away across a +forest of chimney-stacks to a gleaming line of sea. + +The horrible sense of uncertainty, of unreality, that assails the +young and imaginative in face of the one awful actuality, clutched at +his throat. And while he wrestled with it, ashamed of his own +weakness, Broome had collected the dead man's belongings, and rung +for a waiter, who testified that Monsieur had been present at +_déjeuner_. Then they went down, and out again, into the common, +reassuring world of life, after Broome had interviewed the manager, +written out a wire for Madame de Lisle, and made all needful +arrangements for the morrow. + +"Now then, Nevil, old man," said he, as they stepped forth into the +street. "Back you come to the Casino; fork out your last night's +winnings, and stake 'em for all you're worth." He held up a +five-franc piece. "That's all I found in the poor chap's pockets: +and, between us, we've got to swell it into a sum worth passing on to +Madame and her boy. She's proud. But if we've honestly won the +money, we knock that pedestal from under her brave feet. Monte +Carlo's a devilish awkward place to die in; and if we mean to see +Madame through, we must put up with delays. Come on, my son. Early +dinner at the cafe. Then we'll back our streak of luck till it +turns." + +Two hours later they were backing it still; regardless of the +pestilential, over-scented atmosphere that stirs the senses and lulls +the brain; regardless of the thronging faces, that had so painfully +absorbed their attention the night before; eye and brain concentrated +upon the devil's own pastime--hallowed, momentarily, by the hidden +motive that glorifies or debases every act of man. + +Save for an inevitable failure or two they won steadily from first to +last. Broome, in particular, played like a man inspired; and fell +asleep, near midnight, on the justifiable conviction that the Lord's +Day had not been ill spent after all. + +Monday brought Madame de Lisle, pale, red-eyed, yet stoically +composed. In her speechless amazement and gratitude, over their +joint achievement, both men reaped full and sufficient reward for a +day that neither would readily forget. On Tuesday Sinclair took +possession of the motor and scoured the stark, stately heights above +Mentone, while Broome did all that mortal man may do to smooth the +ground under a proud and suffering woman's feet. But if Monte Carlo +is an awkward place to die in, it is a still more awkward place to be +buried in. The endless inquiries and formalities could neither be +evaded, nor hurried. So it came about that Nevil's interminable week +was more than half over before the blunt-nosed motor turned its back +upon the sea, and sped, purring, up and up into the green heart of +the hills. + +Crowned and fulfilled with an all-pervading peace were the sun-kissed +valleys and majestically unfolding heights of the Alpes Maritimes, +after the fret and stir of Monte Carlo, where pain struck sharp on +pleasure makes jangling music to sensitive ears. Here were no +jarring contrasts; but on every hand, upon every tree-top, and in +every cranny of rock, the secret music and laughter of life renewing +itself with unwearied zest. Everywhere unseen forces yearned up +towards the light: and Nevil, controlling with skilful hands the car, +that throbbed under him like a live thing, felt his own pulses +chiming in tune with the season that, in tree and bird and flower, is +a festival of love made manifest. + +Skirting the low spur where the brown, flat-topped houses of Cagnes +huddled, in picturesque disorder, among gardens and vineyards more +than half awake, they swept up and round to the far side of that +noble valley, past the waterfall and rocky hamlet of La Tourelle, +where they stayed to unpack their lunch-basket, to smoke and lounge +among the rocks, while Nevil achieved a lightning sketch for his +beloved. + +Then down and down again into a sterner region of volcanic +rock-walls, ochre, and red, and grey, towering higher with each mile +of their descent, till they reached their Ultima Thule, the Gorge du +Loup; a gorge as wild in nature as in name, where the Loup leaped in +thunder, over rocks and stones, between glowing cliffs, at whose feet +nestled terraced orange groves and fields of wild flowers, in all +their new bravery of purple and yellow and white: the narrow dip +spanned by great railway arches two hundred feet up. + +Here, in the one little hotel overhanging the boisterous torrent, +they spent the night; completing their pilgrimage by a "spin" through +Grasse and Cannes, and on along the red, fantastic coast line of the +Esterelles. + +Here, too, before leaving, Nevil achieved a long explanatory letter +to Sir George; denouncing himself, in his father's own phrase, for "a +damned unsatisfactory son"; and justifying the denunciation by news +of a picture, appraised of Martino; a picture that plainly indicated +the one career in which he was like to attain distinction. He had +decided, therefore, to stay abroad for the present, and devote +himself to something better than spoiling of canvas. As for the +election; surely none of them had really believed he would stand. +They knew him for a duffer at politics. But he had hopes of proving +that he could handle a brush to some purpose. And withal, he +remained Sir George's most affectionate, if undutiful, son ... + +A brief note of regret to Jane referred her to his father for +details; and thereafter he vented his repressed impatience in a +fervent plea to Sir Lakshman for a few lines of assurance, that +should reach him at Valescure, and enable him, on the return journey, +to ransack Cannes for a ring approximately worthy his Jewel of +Delight. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + "O king, thy kingdom who from thee can wrest? + What Fate shall dare uncrown thee from this breast; + O god-born lover,--whom my love doth gird + And armour with impregnable delight + Of Hope's triumphant, keen, flame-carven sword?" + SAROJINI NAIDU. + + +And of her, who looked shyly for his return, what record through +those days of waiting; of quickened breath and fluttering pulse? + +While Sinclair, with the restless energy that is the hallmark of the +male throughout creation, sought distraction in movement from the +fever of longing, Lilamani went softly down the days of her appointed +week, accepting it with all the fundamental woman's capacity for +still endurance and folded wings. While Sinclair looked without, she +looked within; marvelling, now at her own daring, now at her +unworthiness--unrepentant rebel as she was. The wonder of it all, +the miracle of unlooked-for escape from those grey studies dazzled +heart and brain, as Sir Lakshman had said. It was as if enclosing +walls had crumbled at a touch, setting her in a blaze of sunlight, +that warmed and cheered and--above all--gave promise of womanhood +made perfect through renewal of life. Yet it demanded no small +venture of faith to go forward, irrevocably, along this unknown, if +alluring, way of the heart. Like all ways leading to the next-door +House of Life it must needs have ups and downs; stones also, it might +be--and shadows. + +The first of these--a mere cloudlet--blurred already her clear sky of +dawning. It had hurt her inexpressibly to realize that her lover had +taken for granted the unconsecrate marriage by law; that their +difference of religion affected him little, if at all. Tactfully and +delicately as her father had broken the truth to her, there had been +need of much silent wrestling and praying to induce the conviction +that she could endure all things sooner than face the blank of life +without him. To such fullness of knowledge she had attained in those +first bewildering days of his absence: and, recognizing this, +gloried, woman-like, in the wisdom of that dear father, who was her +"Wise Man, Truth-named"; father and Guru in one. + +As for that other, chosen lord of her life--not yet to be named, even +in thought--her Eastern woman's instinct of worship, and skill in +glossing over flaws, convinced her finally that his ready acceptance +of mere legal marriage had arisen from reluctance to suggest the +supreme renunciation on her part that a religious ceremony would +involve. And through her secret pain and shrinking ran the one gold +thread of consolation that, loyalty at least would be permitted to +the faith of her country and her ancestors; excommunicate though she +would be from the rites, feastings, and sacrifices that absorb more +than half the Hindu woman's life. These she had learnt to regard as +garments of religion; and Sir Lakshman assured her that the gods, not +being man-made like priests, would surely not reject sacrifice and +incense of the soul. So he believed; while yet he prayed--with human +inconsistency--that if fatherly love had led him into "benevolent +falsehood," his lapse from accuracy might not be visited on her. + +And she--having wrestled and overcome--quietly set about preparing +herself for the great consecration, in much the same spirit as a +novice might prepare for the veil. True, in her case no stricter +retirement would follow upon betrothal: yet could not a few months of +freedom dispel that instinct for purdah, so deeply ingrained in the +soul of her race, that the word has become a synonym for family +honour, modesty, prestige. Of the customary prelude--the colourful +pageant of sacrifice, feastings, and gift-bringings--she could have +none. Greater need therefore, to her mind, for personal purifying by +prayer, fasting, and meditation, that body might become subordinate +to spirit; even as she, Life-bringer, would become subordinate to +him, Life-giver, when the days were accomplished that she should be +his. Symbolism, always symbolism. It is the Hindu woman's breath of +being. For where complexities of outer life are denied, the soul +must live by thought and feeling, or die outright. + +But East and West agree at least in this, that a good deed is twice +itself when the right hand knows not what the left hand doeth. So +did Lilamani, quite simply and instinctively, devote the night to her +spiritual preparation; reducing sleep to a minimum, and in reserving +only the first hour of the morning and the last hour of light for +reading, or meditation, alone in her House of Gods. + +In addition to translations of her own sacred books, she renewed her +acquaintance with the Holy Book of her lover's country, choosing her +favourite Gospel of John and St. Paul's dissertations on wifely +submission and womanly modesty; finding in both, as always, fresh +confirmation of her father's teaching, that the light of the one +great Unseen dwelling behind the veil of the seen shines alike +through all forms of doctrine and worship. + +Then with the quaint incongruity that belongs to transition, her +study of St. Paul would culminate in a form of prayer to Sarasvati, +Goddess of Wisdom: "She who, robed in white, sets far all ignorance. +She who abides with the Creator, may she abide with me----"; or Mai +Lakshmi, Goddess of Fortune, would be entreated to make her a wife +not less perfect in devotion and mighty in renunciation than Sita, +the ideal woman of Hindu legend, and heroine of India's great Epic +the Ramayāna. Even from dim days of childhood, +Rāma's unsullied queen had reigned supreme in Lilamani's +heart--had been, as it were, her chosen patron saint, upon whose +character she must strive to model her own. It is in this fashion +that India's two great Epics have become so closely inwoven with her +national life and religion. To be called by her father his little +Sita Dévi, had been, and still was, Lilamani's crowning reward for an +act of self-suppression, or a day well spent; so now it was Sita who +dwelt constantly in her thoughts during her hours of secret vigil. + +But the fasting, not to be foregone, could by no means be achieved in +secret. Her father she could trust to see without seeing, and say no +word. Not so Audrey, who was bound in honour to protest on the score +of her own private godling--Health; and the girl shrank from speech +on the subject, with one who could not be expected to understand. +She supposed that even the unveiled bride of the West could not +approach so great an event without some form of sanctification. But +to her, the subject seemed too intimate for discussion. + +With the smiling _insouciance_ of one who does quite the ordinary +thing, she drank tea at breakfast, milk at lunch, and ate no food +till after sundown. Even then her meal was of the lightest; and to +Audrey's anxious remonstrance she answered with sweet reasonableness: +"Why must I eat--if not hungry?" + +Had not Audrey been herself in love with the prospective bridegroom, +it is possible she would have jarred the Eastern girl, by attributing +this to his absence. For, while we of the West profess to hold love +sacred, there remains the paradox that we hold it also fair game for +the most inept form of humour, aptly called "chaff." Happily, +Audrey's lips were sealed: but a repetition of no breakfast and no +lunch brought the direct question Lilamani dreaded. She gave the +direct answer, briefly as might be, with eyes downcast and cheeks +that burned; while Audrey, unversed in certain phases of Indian life, +realized, as never yet, that this poetic, passionate child, deeply +imbued with the primitive woman-soul of the East, could never have +been hers to mould and make into a student of medicine, a pioneer of +the brain. In that realization she could, and did, forgive Nevil +much; though her own disappointment was none the less keen. + +"You are thinking me a too much foolish Lilamani?" the soft voice +ended on a note of pleading. "But with us--it is custom. Father +understands." + +And Audrey recognized by now the finality of that last. She could +only counteract it by a tentative appeal to vanity, quite against her +principles. But of late these had been tumbling about her like a +house of cards. + +"No, dear, I've never thought you foolish," she said with unwonted +gentleness. "Only remember you are marrying--an Englishman, who +won't understand such things. He will come back expecting to find +the same beautiful bright-eyed Lilamani. But if you starve you won't +sleep; and where will your bright eyes be then? Do what you think +right. But I advise you to eat and sleep normally the last two days; +or the very joy of it all may upset you, and make you ill. Not +pleasant for him; and as _I_'ve done my best to get you strong, it +would be sad to go away and leave you more or less of a wreck----" + +"Leave me? But Audrey--why that?" + +Her dark eyes echoed the question, in pained surprise; and Audrey +looked deep into them before answering. She had her own confession +to make. + +"Dear child, what else?" she asked, forcing a smile. "No more +studies after next Saturday; so no more need of me. I met a friend +in Cannes yesterday, who is stopping at Mentone. She wants me to go +over and see her; and I thought of leaving on Friday----" + +"So soon? Leaving your Lilamani, for always?" + +Audrey Hammond's arm went round the girl's slender shoulders. + +"Do you really mind as much as all that?" she asked. + +Tears welled up into the great brown eyes. Caresses from Audrey were +rare enough to make both feel a little shy of them; and Lilamani +looked down again, choking back her "foolishness." + +"How could I not mind?" said she. "It is all through you--this +wonderful thing. But it will not be yet! Father said so. And--I +was hoping----" + +She hesitated; and Audrey caught her breath. "What were you hoping, +child?" + +"If only--you could come too, for a little time--and teach me, that I +should not feel so strange for that lonely fashion--of English +marriage. Oh, are you angry? I didn't mean..." + +For Audrey had looked up sharply, white to the lips. "Lilamani, +that's impossible. You don't understand." Then seeing a quiver of +pain on the sensitive face, she added more quietly, "Is it only that +you are afraid of the strangeness, or--that you want me a little too?" + +"It is half--I am afraid; and half, I am greedy, wanting you too. +But if that is wrong, then I must not make storms in the tea-cup, +like you say. Only when I am trying to think it all, my mind comes +quite in a fog. No mother-in-law to teach new-made wife. No +brothers and sisters--of him. No women-peoples for companion or for +home-duties----" She smiled a little wistfully, shaking her head. + +Even here in the hotel, with studies for home-duties and one +"woman-person" to replace the small colony of relations--by blood and +marriage--she had missed, at times, the cloistered seclusion and +intricate etiquette and deference to the claims of others that are +the key-notes of Hindu home-life; and Audrey, recognizing this, felt +the more anxious as to the outcome of Nevil's daring leap in the +dark. But for Lilamani's sake at least she would do her best to make +the crooked straight and the rough places plain. + +"You will have women-peoples in time, dear," said she. "If you +manage to make friends. But, though the Englishman denounces purdah, +he has his own variation of it. If an Indian wife may not go abroad, +your joint-family system gives you a little world of life under your +own roof. The English wife has her world of people outside; but in +the home her husband, if he loves her, wants her for himself, +especially in the first few years. You see, with us marriage is a +much personal affair. An English husband wants more than a mother +for his sons. He wants a woman companion, specially devoted to him." + +Lilamani nodded pensively, though still with puzzled brows. + +"Yes. That I have come to know a little, from your novel stories. +It is beautiful; and--I must learn. But sometimes, I am +thinking--with us it is even more beautiful; to become, by sacredness +of bond, even from childhood, so truthfully one that both are almost +seeming to forget each other, in welfare of family. Only in their +secret hearts they carry the light." + +Moved beyond her wont, Audrey Hammond drew the girl closer and kissed +her forehead. + +"Well, child, whatever happens, I believe you will always carry your +light," said she; and Lilamani, shyly, in the midst of her blushes: + +"Perhaps one day--you also---- + +"No, no. I'm not the type." + +A hint of bitterness in her tone saddened the girl, who was herself +so essentially "the type," primal yet eternal, that inspires, through +the ages, the worshipful love of men. + +"Is it that you really like better the way of the brain?" she +hazarded gently, surprised and pleased at such intimate talk with +Audrey, the inaccessible. "Or--have you no father to make +arrangement--to give dowry?" + +A smile, half-amused, half-wistful lightened Audrey's gravity. "No, +I have no father. And if I had, he would not 'make arrangement'! We +English think we believe in marriage. But we believe still more in +personal freedom; and our women are left to shift for themselves. As +for the compulsory dowry--in that matter we might very well take a +lesson from India. If English fathers were bound to provide for +their daughters, the Woman Question might be less acute than it is." + +"Woman Question? What is that?" + +"Happy little ignoramus! It's a disease of modern civilization. A +riddle without an answer; and I'm a part of it. But don't trouble +your pretty head about me, dear. After all, the life I've chosen +gives me a kind of satisfaction it could never give you. When my +leave is up, I shall go back to Hyderabad; and perhaps find another +brave girl among your women-folk to help me with my work." + +"Yes, yes--there are so many in these nowadays, eager for way of the +brain. You will surely find a much more commonsense Lilamani, not so +troubled by ugly words." + +"But, never, I think, one with such a talent for creeping into other +people's hearts!" Audrey answered with so rare a tenderness that--for +the first time, in months of close intercourse--the girl's arms went +round her in a young spontaneous caress. + +"Please not quite leave me," she whispered. "Since I was coming from +India, you have been for me like--like Mataji; and I can't forget you +ever." + +That was Audrey Hammond's good minute; though Lilamani guessed it +not; a reward quite other than she looked for, as is the way of +rewards; the gain through loss, in which it is so difficult to +believe till the heart responds to its touch. Persistence along the +stormy paths of study would have ended in alienation; but one touch +of nature, shared unconsciously, though decreeing separation, drew +them closer than either could have believed three weeks ago. + + +Thus, illumined by the white joy of a closer understanding, the days +slipped peacefully by. Audrey made no further protest; though her +medical conscience pricked her at sight of paling cheeks and +darkly-shadowed eyes. But when Friday brought the parting, she +pleaded once more for normal meals, these last two days, if only on +account of someone, never directly named between them: and Lilamani, +feeling not a little unstrung by recent austerities, could not say +her nay. Mrs. Despard had gladly undertaken to "mother" her during +Audrey's absence; but so soon as dates were fixed she would write, +and Audrey must come back. Audrey would. She promised. And so an +end. + +Lilamani had meant to sleep that night, having given her word. But +habit prevailed; and she lay, acutely awake, with sealed lids, +counting the hours, that seemed to elongate, like stretched elastic, +as they neared the dawn. Then she slept heavily; and Sir Lakshman, +who guessed at the week's programme, allowed her to sleep till noon. + +It was tea-time--thronged tables under the white, wide awning +proclaimed the fact--when a much-travelled motor drew up at the foot +of the hotel steps. Broome grasped the wheel--having refused to +trust the life of an invaluable parent to the hands of an accepted +lover; and Sir Lakshman met them in the deserted hall. + +"I may go up and claim her?" Sinclair demanded eagerly, when Broome +had passed on. + +"You may. That is her wish." + +"And yours, I hope?" + +"Yes--mine also. Since she is trusting you from her heart, I am +agreeing to trust you also, with biggest proof father can give." + +"Thank God you see it that way, sir----" They were nearing the lift +now. "My thanks to you I can only prove--through her." + +"That is how I look for you to prove them," the other answered almost +sternly, his hand upon the doors. + +"I'll do my utmost. On my honour, I will. And--I may see her alone? +It's our way, you know." + +"Yes. But it is her wish that first there should be some small +formality of giving. With us betrothal is not mere personal promise; +but religious ceremony. It is, in fact, true marriage, sanctifying +union--if consummated or no--through all lives to come. This it will +mean for her. Therefore she is wishing that first I make my gift, +joining your hands, in our own fashion; then, conforming to your +custom, I leave her with you." + +On that understanding they went up together, and along the passage to +the corner room; Sir Lakshman ahead, Nevil following, his thumb and +finger at the waistcoat pocket where two rings were nestling--merely +to assure himself they were there. + +Then the door opened and he had the desire of his eyes.... + +Alone upon the hearthrug she stood, her drooping head turned from the +door, _sari_ drawn forward, as of old, half hiding her face, restless +fingers shifting her bangles up and down the bare slenderness of her +arms. There were more bangles than usual--in honour of his coming; +delicate trifles of jade and glass and gold. Above the soft silk +under-robe of palest green, shot through with golden light, was wound +and draped a _sari_, quite new to Nevil, of true deep indigo, like +the night sky, gold-bordered and flecked with golden stars. No shoes +upon the small feet, slender and shapely as her hands; silk stockings +only, green like her skirt, and anklets of gold; the first he had +seen. For she had learnt the unfitness of wearing them over English +shoes. + +Very still she stood, and from the whole of her, from curved instep +to veiled head, emanated the peculiarly Eastern mingling of demure +aloofness with a delicately direct appeal to the senses and the +heart. Possibly some instinct had impelled her, before it was too +late, to bid him remember the gulf between; and he, who had drawn so +close to her in spirit, since that day of mutual revealing, was +arrested by a sudden sense of strangeness, of the veil down-dropt +between them, as at first. + +All the week long he had been picturing over and over this moment of +vision: the first glance, the first words, the first rapture of +reunion: nor was he analytical enough to realize how the very +intensity of anticipation robs reality of its due. For the space of +a heart-beat or two, he saw this marriage as through the eyes of +Jane: and for that space--he was afraid. + +Then--hearing them enter--she turned with an audible catch in her +breath, and fear fled, stricken and shamefaced, once for all. + +Framed in the dusk of the _sari_ her beauty shone out with a +moon-like pallor that intensified the red of her lips, as the faint +shadows, left by sleepless nights, intensified the deeps of her eyes, +when they flashed a smile at him for greeting. Four rows of pearls +made a gleaming collar round her throat; and beneath it on a fine +chain one great diamond shone out, five-pointed, like a star. +Clearly she no more dreamed of speaking at such a moment than an +English bride would dream of bidding her groom good morning at the +altar rails. If her wedding must perforce be an affair of +registration, she could, and did, impart to this simple ceremony of +giving her own deep sense of the moment's sanctity; while Nevil +Sinclair, touched to the heart, was thankful to defer speech till he +could have her to himself. + +And now her head was bowed again; for Sir Lakshman had taken her +hand, joining it with her lover's, and enclosing them in both his own. + +"Nevil Sinclair," he said with simple dignity, looking the Englishman +in the eyes, "I, Lakshman Singh, give you this most priceless +daughter of mine, confiding that you will cherish and protect her +through your whole life; and in fervent belief that she will fulfil +to you all duties of wifehood with loyal and loving heart. Give both +hands, Lilamani, in token that nothing is kept back." + +Both hands she gave him, and Sinclair, bereft of words, could only +press them to his lips; while Sir Lakshman conferring a mute +benediction on his daughter's head, went quietly out, leaving them +alone. + +For a space they stood so, in a throbbing silence, that enfolded them +like a spell of enchantment, difficult to break. Then very softly, +Sinclair spoke her name. + +"Lilamani." + +For answer came her passionate murmur: "Live for ever, my Lord and my +King." + +The sheer unexpectedness of it unloosed his tongue. + +"Beloved! You shame me to earth!" he cried in genuine distress. +"I'm no fit subject for a woman's worship. Yours less than any." + +Smiling, though without looking up, she shook her small wise head. + +"That is no matter at all. In my country--husband of every true +woman is even as her God." + +"It's not so in mine, by any means," he answered drawing her close, +yet restraining himself because of the delicate tremor that ran +through her. + +"No? How pity! The woman is losing so much----" the right to serve +and worship and the glory of it, that was her Eastern view. "But +with me you will permit----? You could not prevent----!" + +"I'm afraid I wouldn't, if I could," he said with sudden fervour. +Then, taking out the ring, that had delayed his coming a full hour, +he slipped it gently on to her marriage finger. "That is my form of +betrothal, Lilamani. The ring of promise." + +It was a heart-shaped aquamarine, limpid as a drop of sea-water, set +in brilliants: and at sight of it she caught her breath. + +"Oh, but how kind! How beautiful beyond telling! Like Mrs. +Despard's pendant that I must be looking at--always." + +"You shall have one--soon," he told her, exulting in his power to +please her every way. "But now"--she was drawn closer still--"I want +something in return for my ring of promise. Something you would not +give me under the arch. I've been wanting and waiting for it a whole +week. Tell me I may have it now--Jewel of Delight!" + +She told him. And he, taking her veiled head between his hands, set +the seal of their compact first upon her down-dropped lids, and last +upon her lips, claiming to the full their shy, soft passion of +surrender. Then, with a low, broken sound, she withdrew them and +fell sobbing on his breast. + +Lightly lifting her in his arms, as if in fear that she might break +on too strong pressure, he carried her to a low chair that looked +upon her balcony, and away, over tree-tops to the sea. There he set +her down, kneeling beside her, and whispering persuasively at her +ear: "My Bride of the Rain--is it only a sun shower? Or is she +broken-hearted, at having promised herself to a barbarous English +husband?" + +"Yes--oh yes--she is too much broken-hearted!"--laughter gleamed +suddenly through her tears--"and also--too much foolish. A little, +how Audrey calls 'run down,' by not sleeping a great deal, these few +nights----" + +"Thinking of me?" + +"Yes," she answered, with truth; then veiling her eyes: "And ... how +to make myself good wife in such unknown fashion, hard to +understand----" + +"Not so very hard. Trust me to make it easy for you, darling, once +you give me the right. When is that to be, Lilamani--when? I've an +ideal home all ready for you." + +"A home?" + +"Yes, true. That good chap Broome has offered me his villa on Lake +Como for the summer. A little lone place, under a great rock, close +to the water's edge, opposite Cadenabbia, in Italy, where Martino +lives. Think of that: a real home, waiting for the bride. When will +she come? Next week?" + +"Oh no--no! How you are impatient!" She put forth a shy hand and +caressed the dull gold of his hair. "Have you not spoken with +father?" + +"Only a word or two. I came back to claim his child. What's the +delay? What must we wait for now?" + +"Oh, so much; and you must please not make trouble for that. Father +wishes that first I should get stronger; and I wish, from home, our +Indian wedding-ring: bangle of iron, covered in gold; also--other +things for this kind of other life so different to my expecting. +That must mean five weeks, or six." + +"A lifetime! But at least I shall be here. I shall see you." + +"For two weeks--yes. After that he is thinking better for both if +you go to Paris for studying, and put this troublesome Lilamani a +little from your head----." + +Sinclair sighed. "He's a horribly wise man, that father of yours. +And does this troublesome Lilamani honestly wish to be put out of my +head, even for a little?" + +"No. Not for one smallest minute," she murmured, and was caught +close again for reward. And again her exquisite fragility held his +ardour in restraint. So yielding, so unsubstantial a creature was +she, in her soft natural draperies, that it was as if he enfolded +some fragrant ethereal essence of the eternal feminine rather than a +woman of flesh and blood. + +This he told her, in lover's language, his lips at her ear: and +she--drawing herself away from him with pretty dignity: "At the same +time it is truthfully a woman; and inside it ... there is fire ... of +so great love that not all the waters from my beautiful sea could put +out ever--ever----. That is what my _sari_ has been telling you, +without speech, all this while. But your eyes are still too deaf for +language of colour----" + +"They're not blind anyway! They saw, and admired. What is it +telling me, Lilamani, this beautiful new dress? I want to know." + +"Listen then--lord of my life," she answered very softly. "With us, +indigo is for constancy of love, because it is dye that nothing will +remove. This green of my skirt, like young leaves, is for hope--for +new life. Gold and pearls are for purity: and this"--touching the +star that flashed like a prisoned sunbeam--"gift of my father, is for +happiness with ... with..." + +Shyness overwhelmed her. + +"Nevil?" he prompted tenderly. + +"Yes." + +"Well then, let me hear you say it. I've been waiting--all this +time." + +"With us, it is not custom even when married to take the name +of--beloved," she told him with averted eyes; and stooping he kissed +her with sudden passion. + +"Beloved's good enough for me. But still ... as the promised wife of +an Englishman, it's only fair--isn't t?--that you should study our +customs a little, too?" + +"Yes--yes. With all my heart I am wishing it--Nevil." And at that, +he kissed her again. + + + +END OF BOOK I + + + + +BOOK II + +THE BLOSSOMING + + + +CHAPTER I + + "And now my cheek is warm against thy cheek; + Yet, is Love satisfied? Nay,--evermore + Thy hands are full of promise;... + Joy hath joy in store + And heaven another heaven within its skies." + J. H. COUSINS. + + +Every detail in the little room--save the well-grate with its plain +oak mantel--breathed of India, even to the warmth and fragrance of an +atmosphere charged with spices, sandalwood and attar of rose. + +Over one door a Punjab _phulkari_ made a blaze of gold. Over another +hung a priceless embroidered panel--green and purple cunningly +inwrought. On the walls, two pictures only; one of Sir Lakshman +Singh, in State dress, and an old Indian painting of the sacred +three--Rama, Sita, and the devoted Lakshman--setting out, in "coats +of bark," for their fourteen years of banishment. Over the +mantel-piece, with its gleaming rows of _lotahs_, a square of vellum, +gold bordered and lettered in gold, "There is no likeness of Him +whose name is great glory. Deathless they become who, in heart and +mind, know him as heart-dwelling." + +For the rest, an octagonal table, bearing a sandalwood casket and the +Bhagavad Gita; velvet-soft prayer-rugs on the matted floor; a native +bedstead of red lacquer, and a low square stool of the same, whereon +sat the guardian spirit of the place, in pearl-white robe, and _sari_ +golden-edged: Lilamani Sinclair, bride of six weeks' standing. The +magic circlet of gold gleamed beneath the drop of sea-water shaped +like her heart; and upon her slender wrist, the wedding-bracelet of +her own land. At her throat hung the promised pendant, shimmering +drops of water and light; and her father's star of happiness +transformed into a brooch fastened the drapery on her left shoulder; +a modern innovation, worn for the first time. + +Little of the West about this girl-bride beyond her ring and her +English name. But even had she chosen to exchange her _sari_ for a +Paris "coiffure," and her simple robe for a Paquin "creation," her +doings would have bewrayed her. Crouched upon the stool before a +primitive brick oven, set up under her own supervision, she was +absorbed in cooking her lord's dinner; a service so sacred to the +Hindu wife that a special garment of silk fibre is reserved for that +function and for prayer. + +Europe nominally endorses the Divine command: "He that is greatest +among you let him be your servant." Asia acts upon it. In a Hindu +household domestic service--as the West understands it--is not. All +home duties, save the most menial, are carried out by sisters, +daughters, daughters-in-law, under supervision of their +ruler-in-chief--the mother; though here, as elsewhere, change is +creeping in. Drudgery? She of Asia would resent the implication. +Her law of life rests upon one basic principle: The highest may serve +the lowest, but may accept service only from the highest. + +And woman stands, spiritually, higher than man, because "she alone is +capable of conquest--for others." Logically, then--and Asia is +nothing if not logical--"to accept service and devotion of any is the +highest honour you can pay her." That is the core of the Indian +woman's credo; the lamp hidden in her heart; and by the light of it +many perplexities are made plain. + +But when a woman, for whom service and worship are birthright and +crown of glory, mates with a man in whom the Western idea of chivalry +has not been quite crushed out by the haste and pressure of an +unchivalrous age, complications are born. + +That the wife of Nevil Sinclair of Bramleigh Beeches should cook her +husband's dinner--only his dinner, she urged, deeming the request a +modest one--did not square with his British sense of fitness, +Bohemian though he was. What is more, he distrusted amateur cookery; +little dreaming of the talent he bade her hide under a bushel; and of +which she had been too shy to speak. "What would his valet think?" +he had asked, "and Broome's Italian _chef_ and the little +waiting-maid?" Dread questions, for which she could find no answer. +Only, beneath her wifely submission, had dwelt a faint hope that +possibly, when he should see the contents of those boxes from +India----! + +Two weeks after their first shy home-coming these had arrived; and +from out of them had come the store of simple home belongings, that +had brought a sense of familiar sweetness into her new nest. Then +had she laid before him the shining row of brass plates and _lotahs_, +the boxes of spices, of shredded cocoanut and herbs. + +"All the way from India they came for you. Must they not be used +ever? Even if only sometimes for game of play?" Then, with a +captivating honesty and confusion of face, she denied that last. +"No, for me it is not play. With us, I have told you, worship of +husband is worship of Life-force. And if food is fuel for keeping +that flame alight, shall it not be sacred duty and privilege for wife +to prepare it?" + +And he, without waste of words, had set the seal of permission upon +her lips. + +"Not every day," had been his sole stipulation; "once or twice a +week; or on great occasions"; thus instinctively annulling domestic +comment. Intermittent ebullitions of cookery might be accepted as an +Indian lady's whim. + +And Lilamani, lifted far beyond thought of comment, had enjoyed her +small triumph to the full. Her first curry and _pillau_, her +irresistible sweets and lightly-tossed chupattis had been a +revelation to Nevil, shaming his distrust; and upon the third great +occasion, when she had won leave to cook all three courses of their +simple meal, he had laughingly warned her that it might end in his +refusing to eat a dinner prepared by any hands but her own. + +"That is how it should be for true honour of the house," she had +answered, smiling demurely. + +And this golden 14th of June, that completed her eighteenth year and +her sixth week of marriage, was a day of privilege, past question. + +Six beatific weeks, sun-filled and love-enchanted, they had spent in +Broome's chalet, set in a shelving cove, under the lee of a rugged +hill, its balconies and verandah overlooking Como's blue stillness, +now blurred with pearl-white films, now pierced by a million +quivering points of light. Too still almost, it seemed to Lilamani, +after the changeful majesty of her sea. Yet that very stillness, as +of some harmonized Yogi purged from passion, spoke to her heart of +the palm-girt lakes in her own Hyderabad; and through them, of dear, +far and familiar things never again to be seen, or heard, or felt +while breath remained in her body. What this completeness of +severance meant to her she dared not admit even in her most secret +thoughts. There were inevitable moments when the prick of +remembrance intruded upon her joy. Yet each day that passed deepened +her conviction that she had chosen aright; and this "lonely fashion +of English marriage" proved itself not so hard to understand, after +all. + +But even the devotion of a new-made husband had not availed to soften +the wrench of parting from that father, who had been parent, comrade +and spiritual guide in one. Each smallest happening of that last +unwedded week was graven upon the tablets of her heart: a week of +tangled emotions, overlaid with a smiling stillness that had almost +deceived Sir Lakshman himself. Once only had her self-control gone +to pieces. The mail that brought her wedding-bangle and other +necessaries, had brought no word to her from Mataji. How should it? +Yet, with the divine inconsistency of human nature, she had hoped +against hope. She could not know that all Mataji's bitterness had +been vented in a vehement, incoherent letter to Sir Lakshman that had +cut her husband to the heart, while it revivified all the devils of +misgiving he had trampled under foot in the days following upon +Nevil's declaration. Not for a kingdom would he have spoken of it to +his child, who was sufficiently upset by her sole word of greeting +from home. + +Even Ram Singh, favourite elder brother and playmate could not write +otherwise than in sorrow of an event that, at one stroke, cut every +thread binding his sister to home and country. Some day, perhaps, +Destiny would bring him to England. There they might meet, if her +English husband would permit. Till then he would write without fail: +and, in a tear-blotted postscript, Vimala--blowing her a kiss across +the "black water"--promised to write also, though pens were not her +favourite toys, and it was not letters she wanted, but her "dear own +Lilamani" who would never come home again. + +Impossible to hide from Sir Lakshman the turmoil wrought by such +letters and by Mataji's tacit repudiation of her child. But at least +he should not see her tears. It was on Audrey's shoulder that she +had cried till the black demons of fear and disloyalty had been +washed clean out of her anguished heart. + +For Audrey, true to her word, had come back just before Nevil started +for Paris, and had left again--upon a flawless pretext--on the eve of +his return. Her going broke yet another link with India, and the +pain of it was acute. But with the coming of Nevil, love's warmth +and light had enveloped the girl, till the day of days, arising out +the East, called on her to quit her dream Paradise and grasp the +shining, implacable facts of life; to make good her irrevocable gift, +and break the last link, the last link-- + +Something of this final pang Sir Lakshman had foreseen, and his had +been the happy idea of shipping home the modest contents of her room +in India, supplemented by rugs and embroideries of his own bestowing. + +On that day of days Mrs. Despard had been all a mother to the +tremulous girl-bride, deprived alike of mother's blessing and bridal +rights. Together they had hidden away all trace of what Lilamani +called her "Hindu-ness" under the hood and long cloak devised by +Audrey for her first flight. A fine lace veil tied beneath her hood +shielded the girl from curious eyes; and in the after-hours she had +blessed that kindly veil from her heart. + + +Vividly it all came back to her, while she sat alone, in her shrine: +the early start; the motor-drive to Nice; the brief, unromantic +formalities, that had joined them irrevocably as any immemorial +rites, or sevenfold circling of the sacred fire; and afterwards, the +lifting of her veil, while he--her husband--set the ring upon her +finger, the bracelet on her wrist, the sacramental kiss upon her +lips. Then--the wrench of parting from Mrs. Despard, who must return +to Antibes, while they three fared on to Milan in luxurious privacy; +the two men, tenderly considerate, leaving her to absorb, as in a +dream, the colourful beauties of Italy's coast line, till a sudden, +overpowering weariness blotted out all things; and she knew no more. + +Not until the following morning had she awakened fully from that +blessed spell of stupor--Nature's reaction from another week of +secret austerities. Dimly she had been aware of the journey's +ending, of noise and flashing lights; of a glass held to her lips; +then the vague thrill of her husband's arms, the cool softness of the +bed that received her; the touch of hands that freed her deftly from +cloak and hood, unwound her _sari_ and covered her with a quilt. By +that time she was too far gone again in sleep to feel his kiss on her +eyelids and on the dear, unveiled head, seen so for the first time. + +Next morning she awoke in full sunlight to find herself alone on the +great white bed. And while she lay wondering mistily over it all, +he--Nevil--had come to her from an adjoining room; an unknown Nevil, +wearing a long _choga_; his hair, damp from bathing, crisped into +fugitive curls, and in his eyes a gladness beyond speech. Then only +had there flashed upon her the full significance of yesterday's +doings, that had stripped her of all things familiar and set her +alone in an untried world with this deeply adored stranger, lord of +her life in very deed. + +Sir Lakshman had seen them into the train for Como, promising on his +return from London to be their first visitor. But while he spoke, +the inexorable engine drowned his voice; her desperate clutch upon +his hand relaxed, some chord within her seemed to snap, and she lay +back dazed, tearless; the rattle and clank of machinery seeming to +beat upon her bared nerves. + +Six weeks she had lived without him; six weeks of happiness +unspeakable. Yet in one secret corner, the ache remained. Even in +memory she drew a veil over that moment's anguish, softened though it +was by the peculiar tenderness that Nevil Sinclair had gotten from +his mother. She preferred to dwell on the journey up the Lake in the +pellucid end of a May evening that conjured the grey-green water into +gold. And oh! before starting--the sight and smell of the white +bullocks, in Como town! Dignity and reserve alone had withheld her +from open worship--there, on the cobblestone of Italy, that knew +nothing of Shiva or his sacred bull. + +In early spring the winding reaches of Lake Como have the grey-green +tone of Italy--of olive and rock, stone cottage and pebbled paths. +Here, white incidents of hotels or villas, there, black incidents of +cypress, flashed like exclamation marks on some jutting headland, or +grouped like sentinels about a shrine. But by now the grey was +jewelled everywhere with green, enamelled brightly and delicately +with every tint of every flower that blows. Only the Northward view +showed a gleam of the high Alps; gods of the upper heaven untroubled +by the season's ebb and flow. + +At last, slipping round a fir-capped island, they had sighted their +villa, set upon the water's edge like a brooding bird. And lo, at +Tremezzo landing-stage, a slim white boat awaiting them, its gay +little flag aflutter at the stern. In the deepening stillness, they +had been rowed across to their own private oasis, where nightingales +were already at even-song among the bushes, and fire-flies dipped and +darted in irregular flashes like stars gone mad. Without spoken word +Nevil had slipped a hand through his bride's arm, leading her in and +up to the room that would be his studio. He had shut the door behind +them. And they were alone. + +Then, as he turned, with that in his eyes that made her heart stand +still, it had come upon her afresh--the fear and the ecstasy. In one +appealing look she had besought him to understand. And he had +understood: most tenderly and amazingly he had understood. For in +the best men, and in all true artists, there lurks some hidden touch +of the woman, some impress of the mother that bore them; and it had +needed just this touch in Lilamani's husband to ensure that the +ecstasy should outweigh the fear; nay, drive it out for good. + +He had succeeded; and that so completely as to leave her wondering, +now, if she really had been afraid--ever. As for the ecstasy, it +stood revealed in her eyes as she paused in the deft scraping of a +carrot, arrested by the low, clear whistling that came from behind +the _phulkari_ hanging over his studio door. + +The key was turned in the lock--on her side; a daring act of coercion +achieved, with delicious tremors, after his fourth incursion, just to +see how things were going. It was the only way to ensure his getting +any dinner at all, she had explained sweetly--from the other side. +For the _chef_ had been given a holiday, leaving her, Lilamani, +mistress of the situation. It had been her chosen birthday treat; +and the simplicity of it smote her husband's heart. + +For two hours he had worked contentedly, on his side of the barrier, +at the new picture--"Dreaming": a bevy of Eastern girls asleep, +suggested by a descriptive passage in the "Light of Asia." His month +in Paris had justified to the full Sir Lakshman's decree. Immersed +in his natural element, his talent had blossomed and expanded with a +readiness that surprised none more than himself, and delighted none +more than his girl-bride, self-dedicated high-priestess of the sacred +flame. + +In those first days of divine idleness, when they had lived mainly in +the little white boat, it had been decided that he should make his +name as a painter of Eastern subjects, having become enamoured of +half a hemisphere in the person of one small woman. It was then that +she had reillumined for him the familiar "Light of Asia," and pleaded +for a painting of the great Prince's "pleasure-home," with its walls +of pearl-shell and lace-worked stone, through which moonbeams +filtered, making tender light and shade upon a group of sleeping +dancers, fairest and most favoured _houris_ of the royal household. + +She herself, in her loveliest _saris_, would be model for all, if he +could change the faces a little "from his own imagining": and for him +remained the joy of painting six sleeping Lilamanis, each in some new +pose of girlish grace and beauty. Then, as the work progressed, she +had written to Sir Lakshman for a full and abridged translation of +the Ramayāna--Saga of princely heroism and wifely devotion, +that lies nearest to India's heart. The full translation, +sumptuously bound, had been her birthday gift: and thence they would +cull fresh subjects for his brush when he had completed his dream of +one fair woman multiplied by six. + +It was nearing completion now: and while he worked lovingly at +shadows of marble tracery and silver lamps that swung like censers +from the dim roof, she, on her side, chopped vegetables, washed rice, +and measured out spices with the ardour of a devotee and the +absorption of a happy-hearted child at play. But she knew what that +whistling meant. He was tired of his "Dream." He wanted reality. +She wanted it too; yet she made no sign. + +Then the tune broke off short, and through the curtain his voice came +to her, appealing as a caress. + +"Little wife! I'm tired of seeing you asleep. Come out of your +shrine." + +"Wait only a small time--impatient one! Or curry will spoil." + +"Hang curry! I want you." + +"Then no dinner. Only soup and cream pudding. Think how squash!" + +"Cheese and pâté," said the curtain, clinching the argument in a +fashion beneath contempt. "Come along." + +She smiled enchantingly at the mixture she was tossing in the pan and +hurried on with her work. + +Silence for a half a minute: then the curtain spoke again. + +"I say, Lilamani. Giulietta's brought the tea. Your cake, with +coffee icing, and a box of fondants from Martino with a thousand +compliments. There now!" + +Supreme conviction in that last. He could see the delicate disdain +upon her face before speech confirmed it. + +"You think if I will not come--for you, I come for cakes and +fondants?" + +But her fingers were unfastening the brooch at her shoulder, and the +_sari_ sacred to cooking was whisked off with surprising alacrity. +For answer he began crooning with guileful intent her favourite song: + + "'My heart, my heart is like a singing-bird, + Whose nest is in a watered shoot; + My heart, my heart is like an apple-tree + Whose boughs are hung with thick-set fruit; + My heart, my heart is like a rainbow shell + That paddles on a halcyon sea. + My heart, my heart is gladder than all these + Because my Love, my Love has come to me----' + +Ah!--so you _have_ come, after all!" + +The key had turned softly in the lock, and now she stood before him: +a slender, iridescent vision with lids dutifully downcast, awaiting +his pleasure. + +At the first he had been puzzled, then increasingly charmed, this +English husband, by the worshipful aloofness with which the Hindu +bride approaches her lord, at least until the crown of motherhood is +hers. To the Indian husband this attitude is merely a part of the +immemorial nature of things: but for Nevil Sinclair, used to the +casual camaraderie of the West, there were moments when it went to +his head. He had to temper elation with the reminder that it was +instinctive, impersonal; homage to husbandhood rather than to +himself. But, enchanting though it was, he would not always have it +so. She must learn his ways also. And she was learning--shyly, +proudly; her woman's adaptability quickened by the impulse of love. +For a heart-beat or two he watched her where she stood. Then, +smiling, he indicated the tea-table. + +"I angled well! You couldn't resist them--eh?" + +"That is as my lord pleases!" she answered demurely, imps of laughter +in her eyes; and he held out both hands. + +"A shame to insult her on her birthday! Come then--English wife." + +It was their private password; and straightway she obeyed its hidden +command; laying light hands upon him and lifting her face for his +kiss. + +"The necklace of your arms," he whispered, caressing their silken +softness. "D'you know Martino said one day, at the Cap, that when +the _houri_ made this necklace for me I should be faithless to art; +and I contradicted him flat. Was I Truth-named, Jewel of Delight?" + +She nestled closer. + +"Even at the first you were so clever to know your Lilamani. Now he +must believe, when he sees, in one little month--how beautiful +picture----!" + +"To say nothing of the masterpieces we mean to paint from your +Ramayāna before the summer's out." + +That "we" sent a shiver of joy through her. It united her, not only +with his manhood, but with the art that was his crown of manhood; the +art dear to her, as to himself. Had it not brought her this--her +crown of womanhood? + +"About those other pictures, I have a new thought to tell. It came +in my mind--God-bestowed--when making your curry----" + +"My curry! You inimitable high-priestess of a brick oven! While you +were chopping onions, I suppose?" + +"Yes. Just exactly by that time." She assumed an adorable gravity. +"It is bad to make joke of my sacred service--worthless one! I shall +not tell." + +"Oh, but you will." + +His lips brushed hers in a fugitive caress; and the "God-bestowed" +thought found utterance. She had seen, in fancy, a group of +pictures, each with Sita for central figure; the whole, when +complete, setting forth India's ideal of womanhood in the ascent of +that gracious spirit from steep to steep of renunciation, unsullied, +unafraid, even until the end. + +Lilamani's whole face glowed as she warmed to her subject. + +"Sita, when begging of Rāma to share banishment," she went +on eagerly. "Sita, alone in forest hut when that Terrible is +approaching in guise of Brahman. Sita coming out from fire of +ordeal, in great God's arms. Think how splendid!" + +"Jove, yes--_if_ it's possible." His ardour caught fire from hers. +"Arrogant high-flying, of course. But we'll lay the scheme before +Martino to-morrow and see what he thinks. You shall give us an +outline idea of the story and the special scenes you want." + +"Yes. Only ... Sita is like patron saint to me; like a piece of my +own heart. And how difficult! When all is so big----" + +"Not a bit of it. You'll manage beautifully. Think it all out when +you get back to your sacred curry! And you would be my Sita? Is +that it?" + +"Yes, I would--oh, I would--in all things. If there came a need." +She brooded on the thought with gravely luminous eyes. + +"But, Lilamani, suppose I paint you, yourself, how about letting all +the world see? Wouldn't you hate that?" + +Her scarlet flush gave answer, and she hid her eyes a moment; then +looking up again, spoke bravely. "Not--if I shall be Sita. Think +how small thing for honour of your name, comparing with ordeal of +fire." + +"And you wouldn't stick at that either," he said, "if such barbarism +still existed." + +"No," she answered simply. "I am _Suttee_." + +"Lilamani--what d'you mean?" + +"Only--in old days, when _Suttee_ was not outside law, girl-brides +would fear sometimes were they strong enough, were they worthy? Then +they would make test; holding smallest finger in fire till flesh +burnt from bone; or stirring with bare hand rice when boiling. And +I--I have done--that last; though never I told to anyone--till now." + +"You? My little one!" In a passion of protection he held her close. + +"Such a small thing!" she murmured, not ill-pleased at his concern. +"But now--I am glad; and perhaps a little more worthy for being Sita +in your so beautiful pictures, that I long to see." + +"_Our_ pictures," he corrected her in a sudden humility. "It's you +that are the true artist, Lilamani--the inspired brain. Without you +I should never have painted a thing worth looking at. But with you +there's no limit to the insolence of my aspiration--." + + + + +CHAPTER II + + "My heart in me was held at restless rest, + Presageful of some prize beyond its quest, + Prophetic still with promise, fain to find the best." + --SWINBOURNE. + + +Martino's approval of the _houri_ and something more dated from his +first sight of Nevil's sketch. Constrained by that something, he had +wrought, in the sea-piece that was his wedding-gift, a symbolic +portrayal of his own soul, untamed and untameable as the waters that +cover the earth. All wind-driven wave and cloud it was; save for one +down-sweeping sword of radiance that struck a path of gold through +the turmoil: the whole smitten into life by the illusion of light and +movement that was fast gaining him recognition as one of the +master-painters of his time. This much, at least, of himself should +be hers: the quintessence of his nature purged from the dross. For +outside his art, and his touch of heroic fortitude, Martino's code of +morals did not bear critical inspection. + +It was Sinclair's mention of her "soul-pictures" that had inspired +his attempt at symbolical portraiture, in the hope that she might see +and understand. She had seen and understood. On the day of its +bestowal he had watched discovery creep into her eyes; had heard from +her lips the tribute he coveted: "But, Signor Martino, it is +you--yourself!" + +"For which reason, Signorina--it is yours," he had answered with his +awkward little bow of gallantry. And to-day, as he sipped his +_chocolat_ in Broome's familiar study, he felt a thrill of pleasure +in seeing "himself" hung in the right light, at the right angle; the +only picture added, by Nevil, to the chosen few that adorned Broome's +grey-green walls. + +The French windows were flung wide; and the two men sat just within +them. Out on the balcony, in full sunshine, gleamed the silver +tea-tray, and beside it, on her lacquer stool, sat the _houri_; +Signorina no longer, but bride of another; shyly conscious of her new +dignity, shyly aloof, for all her flutter of pleasure at sight of one +who recalled Antibes. + +Lovelier and more desirable than ever she seemed to Martino, in her +subdued glow of happiness and health renewed; the olive and +rose-madder tints of her skin set off by a _sari_, delicately pink as +the lining of a shell; its narrow border of almond-buds, breaking at +each corner into a full-blown spray. Whatever pangs of envy may have +pricked the man, the artist, at least, could find pure pleasure in +watching her, while Sinclair unfolded her God-bestowed conviction +that, between them, they could achieve a set of paintings from the +great Hindu Epic, choosing scenes that should not involve an +overcrowded canvas, or technical knowledge of detail, hard to acquire +out of India. + +"It's flagrantly ambitious, I admit," Nevil concluded, lighting a +cigarette and holding his vesta to Martino's cigar. "But Sir +Lakshman is a keen student of ancient literature; and--she is +astonishingly well up in it all. She tells me he has a remarkable +collection of old books, native pictures, and curios; and thinks he +would gladly send out for some of them to act as "stage properties" +and give me a better grasp of the subject. What d'you think, Martino +_mio_? Is it a credible venture? Or has too much good-fortune +turned my head?" + +Martino considered the question a moment, his ragged moustache thrust +out. + +"Difficult to answer," he said at last. "It is I who am lost, +confounded, by your so rapid advance. Your new picture!--how +remarkable! ... All in one month. After that, it is not for Martino +to say possible or impossible. In Paris you shall have worked like +anything else than the Sinclair known to me these three years." + +"Jove, I did! But then, I had a very special inducement--waiting for +me at Antibes." + +Nevil's eyes dwelt an instant on his wife's half-averted face; and +Martino coughed till the tears came. + +"That one can understand," he muttered gruffly. "But you painted no +picture there--was it?" + +"No. Only studies and sketches--scores of them. But without +Leseppes I'd have been nowhere. He called himself my godfather. +Even let his own work slide a bit on my account." + +Martino nodded. "H'm. That is Leseppes--when the finger touches his +heart. Which is not too often, I can tell you, Sinclair. It is--how +you call?--feather in your cap. He knew it would be worth. And he +knew right. One can trace Jacques Leseppes in that." He jerked his +cigar towards the dreamers. "But I--Martino--knew it first. That is +my _panache_. The surprise to me is how you were content, those many +years, to play fool with a gift so precious----" + +"My dear fellow, I wasn't content. That was the deuce of it all. +Often and often I felt the ache and stirring of a power, that seemed +as if it must work itself out--somehow, some day. But in between +times conviction went to pieces; and I cursed myself for an +imaginative, conceited fool----" + +"Surest proof you could not be!" Martino broke in with a short laugh. + +"Horribly disconcerting all the same. Without proof of unusual +talent I could hardly ask my father to spend money on a gift he +didn't believe in. So there I was! A failure in my father's eyes. +Worse than that in my own. Only when I got into touch with you and +your kind, I used to feel like a man who has a treasure locked up in +a secret room of which he has lost the key----" + +"And, by God, you have got it now, _amico mio_! Not often is it that +an artist shall have the unique good fortune to find himself--in his +wife." + +He jerked out the last with an effort; and the half-averted face was +turned gently away. It was the custom of her new world, this open +fashion of speech: but not soon would her sensitiveness become inured +to personal allusions impermissible among Hindus of good breeding. + +Her husband, keenly alive to the significance of that slight +movement, answered, without direct mention of her: "I'm quite as much +confounded as you are, Martino _mio_; and perhaps a little +intoxicated with the wine of the gods, or I could hardly take this +new notion seriously. But I do. Honestly, I do----" + +"_Sapristi_! That picture gives you right. And to take seriously, +is to achieve. Will you or ... the Signora tell me more of this +Epic, Saga--what you call it?" + +"Yes. I want my wife to give you an outline of the story. Will +you--Lilamani?" + +She turned, aflush to the temples; her ringed hands moving nervously +in her lap. + +"If Signor Martino is wishing--I will try. But--it is so great and +beautiful; and my telling so clumsy. I am not clever to such things." + +"Your telling's good enough for us. Eh, Martino?" Nevil said, +smiling. + +The small man nodded vigorously. + +"No fear for Martino to be critical, Signora," he said with unusual +gentleness. "Outside of form and colour there lives no great +knowledge in my black bullet head. Tell me, please, this Epic of +your country. History, is it? Or legend?" + +"Hard to say how much from each," she answered, clasping her hands to +steady herself. "It is mixture of all things; war and philosophy and +family love. But almost for us it is religion. Because +Rāma, prince and hero, was incarnation of Vishnu, called +Preserver, second great god of Hindu Trinity; and this poem tells of +his many adventures in ancient forest of Dandak. There he was living +fourteen years in banishment, because of long-ago promise made by +that old king, his father, to second queen, who was favourite, and +was wishing to see her own son in Rāma's place. + +"Then, because royal word cannot be broken, Rāma must fulfil +that promise; even if father, mother, and all the peoples break their +hearts for losing such a Prince. In rough guise of pilgrim he chose +to go; leaving all possessions, even Sita, beautiful and beloved +wife. She must stay safely with his mother because forest life was +too much rough and dangerous for high-bred woman. But now there came +difficulty----" + +Lilamani paused and drew in a low soft breath. The sacredness of +Sita, of all communion between wife and husband, made the telling of +so impassioned a love-story more difficult than she had foreseen. +Nevil, divining her thought, frowned imperatively at Martino, +checking comment on his lips. + +And she, leaning forward, chin cradled in one hand, found courage to +speak on; her eyes intent upon a fairy fleet of clouds, her voice +hushed to a musical monotone, as if thinking aloud. + +"Sita, dutiful beyond all women, refused in this one matter to obey +her lord, caring nothing for danger or rough life if only she may +behold his face. Rāma, too much anxious, would not hear +such thing. Only at last, by saying she will take poison, even +fainting with grief, she won consent. Lakshman, own brother to +Rāma, said he will go also; and they three, in coats of +bark, went forth to their strange adventures. There might come one +picture. Another might come, months after, when Sita was sitting +alone in forest hut, built by Lakshman, while Rāma has gone +in search of wonderful deer, seen by her, and greatly wished. But +this deer was only form taken by a Wicked One to draw Rāma +far from his beloved. Because of his strength, no evil giants of +that wood were able to conquer him; and they were desiring vengeance, +because he spurned offered love of hideous giantess, sister of +Ravān, that ogre-king of Ceylon. By his devising was such +cruel trick played on Rāma, all-conquering one; only to be +caught by deceit because his spirit was too clear for such muddy +thoughts. + +"So he was leaving his Queen in care of Lakshman, and following that +deer. But at first prick of arrow, the Wicked One cried out, in +voice of Rāma: 'Ah Sita, ah Lakshmana--help! help!' This +they heard with fearful hearts; and Sita was insisting that Lakshman +shall leave charge of her and follow that call. But even for her +command, he would not disobey Rāma and desert his Queen; +till Sita became angry, saying she must believe he wishes that +brother's death, so he may marry with herself. Heart-broken from +such suspicion, Lakshman must go. + +"Then while Sita was sitting alone, beautiful as full moon, in robes +of amber silk, with lotus-wreath upon her hair, came That Terrible, +stealthily up from river, in guise of Brahman. First he was begging +food, as holy man, that none may refuse. Then, throwing off +disguise, he was speaking shameful things to that most loyal wife. +In scornful anger she spurned him, as her lord had spurned his +sister. More than this, weak woman could not do. So That +Terrible--catching her by waist and by hair--carried her off in his +flying car, over tree-tops to Lanka, now called Ceylon. Only one +great vulture, friend to Rāma, saw them go and made battle +with Ravān. But no use. He fell, with many wounds and +arrows, killed almost to death----" + +Another pause. Half-unconsciously Lilamani was identifying Sita with +herself, Rāma with her lord; and now it was as if the actual +sword of division pierced her heart. + +"See a fresh picture--sorrowful beyond telling," she murmured, the +thrill of oncoming tragedy in her voice. "Sita, broken of heart and +hope--true wife still, pure as snow newly fallen--grieving alone in +that garden of Ravān, where all was beautiful, except only +the she-fiends--with head of wild beast and bodies of women--who must +guard her and torment her with insult and cruelty; because not all +flatterings or gifts or threatenings could make her disloyal by even +look or word. Only one thing kept That Terrible from taking her in +his palace by force. He feared she was daughter of high gods who +could punish him for that sacrilege. Therefore he tried every way +for winning her consent. But no use. So he grew angry, and gave her +in charge of she-fiends that she might not escape. + +"But on this day, unknown to her, there sat one among the branches +with message from her lord: Hanuman, general of the monkey-peoples, +by which is meant wild forest tribes. Lightly leaping down, he knelt +before that sorrowful lady, telling her how one great prince +Rāma had been searching many months all over Southern India +for stolen wife dearly-loved; how he, general of monkey-peoples, had +leapt across the sea to make search in country of Ravān. +Hearing of beautiful prisoner in Asoka garden, he came, by his +littleness and cunning, through the tree-tops to see. And now, if +she is that lost Queen, he is begging token for her husband that she +is still alive and true wife. Then he will bring great army and win +her back. By this news, joy came once more to Sita's heart; and most +precious jewel, gift of her father, she sent for greeting and proof +of faithful love. + +"Then, through many months the story is filled with noise of battle +and chariot-wheels, and death and victory. No pictures here. Till, +at last, came day of meeting between Sita and her lord. By his +orders she was carried in litter to greet him on field of victory. +And he, not approaching, called her to come forth, with face +uncovered, before those many folk. From this so strange command she +had fear of trouble; yet, shrinking greatly, she came forth. With +eyes veiled, though face must be seen, she went proudly to her lord; +heart and thought unstained as when her father made the gift. + +"Then fell that unspeakable thing. There, in cruel speech, that all +his army shall hear, he told her not for great love had he fought and +conquered, but only to avenge insult and theft. There, before all, +he named her faithless wife, Queen of Ravān, that could +never any more be Queen for him. Oh, cruel! _Too cruel_----!" + +Lilamani's voice vibrated with pain and scorn. The hand that lay on +her lap clenched itself in passionate protest. Martino, pictures, +Nevil himself forgotten, she was seeing all, hearing all; translated +in spirit back to the morning of the world. + +"Surely Rāma, true husband, must be lost in Rāma, +proud Prince, to speak so. And Sita was answering, in such noble +meekness, that he may doubt others, if he will; but not that truth +which all her life has shown. 'Why,' she was asking, 'had he not +sent such word through Hanuman, that she might die and be spared from +deepest insult and shame?' Then she was pleading remembrance for +early days of happiness and love: 'O King, is all forgotten--all?' + +"From Rāma no word; and she, peerless one, turned to +Lakshman, begging him, in broken voice, make ready funeral pyre. For +loving woman, hurt beyond healing, what else was left? + +"So there, before all, it was made ready, none daring to disobey: and +Sita, not shrinking now, drew near those leaping flames, praying with +uplifted hands to the God within. + + "Universal witness, Fire, + Protect my body on the pyre! + As Raghu's son has lightly laid + This charge on Sita--hear, and aid!" + + +"When these cruel flames closed upon her loveliness, most piercing +cry went up from all; and tears came in Rāma's eyes. Then +down from heaven came the great Gods, in cars golden like sunbeams, +revealing to Rāma he is no mortal man--but Vishnu himself in +human shape; reproaching him for such treatment of his Queen, like +man of common clay. + +"But see--see! Those flames are rolling backward, and out of their +burning heart came the Lord of Fire himself, carrying that stainless +one, no fire could harm. Fresh, like she came from the litter; not +one flower of wreath scorched nor hair of eyelash singed, that +Universal Witness gave her again to her lord of life. Then +Rāma was proclaiming, before those many peoples, that never +had he been doubting her word and her love; only for princely honour +there was need that searching fire should give proof to all. Now he +will cleave to her as hero cleaves to glory; and never leave her +again. Oh, if he kept that word ... if he kept it----!" + +The low cry ended in a broken sound; and Lilamani sat motionless, her +face hidden. + +Martino glanced at Sinclair. His cigarette had gone out. He leaned +back in his chair lost to everything but this fresh revealing of his +girl-wife; and the Italian, more poignantly moved by her distress +than by Sita's sufferings, leaned impulsively towards her. + +"It was not kept? That demi-god, was he so despicable? Tell me, +Signora--is that the end?" + +Nevil frowned sharply. Lilamani started and looked up. Tears hung +on her lashes. + +"That is the ending--for my pictures," she said quietly. "True +ending of story also, in my belief. But in such far-away times, who +can tell? Long after death of that great poet was added _Uttra +Kanda_, after-part, telling of triumphal return to their own kingdom, +where they two lived in happiness, too perfect, one year only. Then +came to Rāma's ears that people were murmuring doubts of his +Queen in spite of all. Not one doubt had Rāma. But for +honour of his kinghood, he was believing Sita must go. So he sent +her, even before birth of his child, to that far hermitage; and she, +in great grief of her heart, said only: 'Husband is God of the wife; +what seems right to him she must do even at cost of life.' + +"So for twenty long years she was living, without anger or complaint, +in that hermitage of early days; till twin sons of Rāma had +become men. Then they, without knowing, went to sing glorious deeds +of their father at his Court. There came recognition: and +Rāma was crying out that he will bear separation no longer; +that Sita must come back to grant forgiveness, and once more reign as +his Queen. + +"She came; proud, but sad from too much pain and waiting. There, +before chiefs and kings and all subjects, she stood in crimson robe, +still beautiful as dawn. But--oh terrible!--even while Rāma +was greeting her, came the people's murmur: 'Let her be tried by +fire.' Even for such a great heart that was too much. Like one +pierced with a sword, she covered her face, crying in broken voice: +'If unstained in thought and action--Mother Earth, receive thy child!' + +"Then that great Earth-Mother, quick to answer, cleft the ground and +came up, there, at her daughter's feet. Beautiful beyond telling her +throne: wide her arms of welcome. Vain, all vain, outcry of +Rāma and his people. The earth was closing on mother and +child. She is gone ... that stainless one----!" + +With a shuddering sob Lilamani sprang to her feet, flung both arms +heavenward in a gesture half triumph, half despair: then, stabbed +awake by sudden acute self-consciousness, turned and fled. + +In the silence she left behind her, the hush of sun-sinking seemed +still to palpitate with ghosts of dead emotions interwoven with live +ones. The breathing of both men sounded curiously distinct. Nevil +lit a fresh cigarette, mechanically, as if his mind were elsewhere. +Martino sat gazing at the empty chair; then, with awkward haste, +brushed a hand across his eyes. + +It was Nevil who stepped first out of the cloud. + +"Well, Martino--it's a big thing, isn't it? What do you think?" + +Martino grunted. Then he coughed. + +"My friend, at this moment, I _think_ not at all. But this I know. +Through her clearness of vision you shall paint those pictures in +such a fashion that they shall make your name. I, Martino, have +said. Let your strong imagining take colour from her. She is like +flame to your mind--to your life. No?" + +"She is." + +"_Bene_. That I thought. Of lesser matters we shall speak another +time." + + + + +CHAPTER III + + "Oh laisse frapper à la porte + La main, qui frappe avec ses doigts futiles. + Notre heure est si unique; et le reste, qu'importe + Le reste, avec ses doigts futiles. + * * * * * * * + L'instant est si rare, de lumière première, + Dans notre cœur, au fond de nous." + EMILE VERHAEREN. + + +It was after sunset when the little white boat "Marietta" slipped out +of the rocky cove, as it had done almost every evening for the past +six weeks. Nevil rowed. Martino sat beside his _houri_ in the +stern; since rowing was apt to catch his breath and make him cough. + +The hush and glow of early evening, in sky and lake, cast its spell +upon all three. The Western hills wore a halo of light, shell-pink +melting to amethyst. In the east an orange-golden moon hung poised +above the rugged heights as if loath to lose touch with earth. The +watchword of the evening was Peace. + +The three in the boat talked fitfully of passing things. But of the +great scheme no one spoke, till the keel grated on the pebbles. Then +said Martino abruptly, gripping his friend's hand: + +"When my spirit shall have digested that wonderful recital, I shall +better be able to speak of details--possibilities. You understand?" + +"Very much so. You've only to send word across when the process is +complete!" + +"That will be soon, I hope," softly, from Lilamani. + +"The sooner the better for me, Signora. _Buon riposo_." From the +top of the stone steps he watched their departing boat cleave the +shining, sensitive silver below, while the black worm of envy gnawed +at his heart. Fame, recognition--the one great good he had wrestled +from life in defiance of his "lost lung,"--seemed of a sudden chilly, +unsatisfying, like a glass of water on a cold day. _Santa Maria_! +To be young and strong, with such a wife to feed the sacred flame! +As if in jeering comment a violent fit of coughing shook him, as a +dog shakes a rat. Then, with a curse, he turned homeward to supper +and probable recriminations from a devoted if sharp-tongued sister: +sole genie of his lamp. + + +Out on the lake, in the vanishing boat, silence had fallen again. +But at the heart of it was understanding. To stir a man's +imagination, is to seal his lips: and to-day Nevil Sinclair's +imagination had been profoundly stirred. The rapture of the artist +was his; his vision of things, beautiful beyond expression, +entreating to be expressed; of things vital clamouring to be born. + +And it was her doing--hers. He worshipped her with his eyes, while +she lay back against her cushion, watching the birth of star upon +quivering star. + +Who that saw her, without prejudice, could doubt that his unique +experiment seemed like to prove a unique success? Martino did not +doubt. But Martino was of the elect. It was thought of the +Philistines that chilled him; one Philistine in particular, brimful +of prejudice. He thrust her impatiently aside. His decision for art +had made him permanently a black sheep in her eyes. What matter one +smudge the more? And his father? A twinge of pain here, tempered +with annoyance. Why in the name of common sense couldn't folk who +swore by it let a man be happy in his own way? He was, and would be, +none the less. Nay more, he would make the name of Sinclair famous. +Perhaps they would be satisfied then. For himself the glowing golden +present was satisfaction enough. It is at once the strength and +weakness of the artist nature, this full surrender to the spell of +the moment. + +Beyond this enchanted summer he refused to look definitely. Vague +visions of a winter in Rome, or Egypt, sufficed. What matter where? +The secret charm lay in seeing the whole world afresh, through her +eyes; in realizing, through her, as never yet, the sanctity and +sanity of the common, primal bond between man and woman that is at +once keystone and pinnacle of the house of life. + +Mighty opposites were they--irreconcilables? By no means. Six weeks +of closest intimacy, of spelling out letter by letter the unknown +quantity he had taken to wife, inclined him to believe rather that +East and West are not antagonistic, but complementary: heart and +head, thought and action, woman and man. Between all these "pairs of +opposites" fusion is rare, difficult, yet eminently possible. Why +not, then, between East and West? + +In the strength of that analogy he could go forward, unafraid; still +more so because the poetic temperament common to both implied a +certain imaginative insight and flexibility, favourable to the +bridging of gulfs; and the fact that, in Broome's phrase, he had "too +little of the average Englishman under his Park Lane surface," was no +longer a stone of stumbling, but his most valuable asset. In less +than six months of marriage with the average Briton--say his own +brother George--Lilamani's fairy boat of happiness would almost +certainly have run aground upon the rocks. Even with himself, to +whom a great love had given understanding, its fragility was a thing +to tremble at; and he dreaded the risk of impact with sharp-cornered +headlands that loomed vaguely through the golden mist. + +Yet, for all his understanding, he did not dream that already two +intrusive actualities threatened the fragile thing; did not dream of +her troubled wonder in divining that the vital, motive power of her +own life seemed to count for little in his. + +Six weeks; and, to her knowledge, no form of devotion or prayer. A +Bible lived among his books; an old Bible, solidly bound and clasped, +with Christina Nevil writ in faded ink on the fly-leaf. But though +Lilamani had read it--with an awed thrill in touching a book handled +by his mother in her girlhood--she had only seen Nevil open it once. +It was strange. Were all Englishmen thus? Or was it a part of his +tender consideration for her that had been the crowning revelation of +their union? Shyness and innate shrinking from the least hint of +criticism made her fear to ask him--yet. + +The second intrusive reality was more personal, more poignantly +disturbing; one that might compel her to speak. + +Six weeks; and no word of recognition from that father and sister, +henceforth to be dear as her own; dearer, if that were possible. For +in theory, if not always in fact, her husband's people become +paramount to the Hindu wife; only a degree less honoured, less sacred +than her lord himself. But then ... the home-coming of an Indian +bride sets her in the heart of his family: an additional daughter, +modestly self-suppressed; handmaiden in chief to the Queen-mother of +that human hive. And Lilamani Sinclair--child of transition--found +herself, instead, alone with this one man upon an unknown road, with +never a signpost for guidance, and never a word from that England to +which she must now belong. + +For the first three weeks, secure in her certainty, she had not given +the matter a thought. Then she had begun to watch her husband a +little fearfully, whenever a post came in. Days passed. Eagerness +faded into a wistful anxiety. Surely, even in England, some form of +greeting, of "friendly wishings," was due to bride of eldest son? +Could it be that he had never written of his marriage? And if not, +why--why? + +Day after day that question had tormented her waking, and bred +grotesque nightmares when she slept. More than once it had been upon +her lips. But her own conviction that he ought to have written made +her dread his answer. Better they should be in the wrong than he. +Yet--she must know; she must! And to-night, while she sat silent in +the dusk, watching the birth of the stars, she was wondering, +wondering--dared she ask him now? + +The moment seemed propitious for touching upon intimate things. +Courage waxed, as the glow of evening waned, and earth-stars came out +along the water's edge. She stirred softly, and sat upright, +clasping her hands; a trick she had when nervous. But it was Nevil +who spoke. + +"Such a silent little wife! Dreaming? Thinking of Sita?" + +"No. Of Lilamani." + +"So was I! Anything wrong with Lilamani? Isn't she quite happy?" + +Her eyes dwelt a moment on his moon-lit face. Her own was half in +shadow. + +"Dearest," she said softly, "why ask so strange thing?" + +"Only because I wish it so tremendously; and because--well, when a +man stands at the summit of desire he's always half afraid of the +next turning. You understand that--don't you?" + +"Yes, too much. But ... we have ... not to be afraid." She drew a +deep breath. "Nevil ... King of me ... have I leave to say all that +is in my heart?" + +"Beloved, why not? What is it?" + +"Something I must ask. Only--if it vex you----" + +"Ask any mortal thing you please." + +A pause. Nevil, intent upon her shadowed face, let the boat drift at +will. + +"It is only--these many days I have been waiting, hoping ... some +small word of greeting for new wife ... from England----" + +"Lilamani! Forgive me----!" + +The pain and self-reproach in his cry told her all. She leaned +forward, steadying her breath. + +"Oh, Nevil! Is it----? You have not written?" + +"No. I have not written." + +"Why?" + +He merely saw the word; and his free hand covered both hers. + +"Darling, how _shall_ I make you understand? With you, in India, it +is so different. You see, my decision about the painting upset them +a good deal at home. I was honestly sorry. But it had to be. Then +came my marriage, which I knew they would not see--quite as I see it; +and I wanted no outside worries disturbing our first spell of +happiness. But it was wrong of me to forget how my not writing might +affect you. I fancied you would be too happy in these honeymoon +weeks to bother your head about strangers you had never seen." + +"Oh, I am happy, beyond all dreaming. But Nevil----. Father of you, +sister of you--my own being like lost--how could I not wish----?" + +His grasp on her hands tightened. "I never thought of that, selfish +duffer that I am. But truly, if they'd been a different sort I would +have written sooner." + +"Different sort? What is that?" + +"Nowadays English, little wife!" He smiled, longing to win her from +her anxious mood. "My meaning is that I'm a kind of freak in my +family. They're not much like me, any of 'em, except my youngest +sister, Christina, who might come out to us later on. She has more +of my mother in her than the rest." + +"How many--the rest?" + +"Two brothers; a sailor and a soldier, besides Jane." + +"And you also--very like your mother?" + +"Very like. And proud of it. But I've always been out of gear with +my father and Jane. They worship a godling called the Right Thing, +whose first commandment is 'Thou shalt respect the whole beaten +track, and nothing but the beaten track.' And we're not exactly +respecting it--are we, Jewel of Delight?" + +"No--I am afraid. But ... you were meaning to write ... sometime?" + +"Naturally. I've been wondering this last week how much longer I +would be justified in keeping our sanctuary sacred from the touch of +outside things. That's how I look at it. Life is none too prodigal +of happiness like ours. Are you in such a mortal hurry to admit the +world, the flesh, and the devil?" + +"Oh, no--no!" she cried out with sudden passion. "It was because I +thought ... it must be right, and----" + +The small even teeth closed on her lower lip. + +"And what?" he asked almost sharply. + +"Not anything more." + +"There was something. I heard it in your voice. You asked leave to +speak out all your thought. As you love me, Lilamani, keep nothing +back." + +"But it is such a small thing; a little private ache, because I had +feared, through your not writing, you began to be ... ashamed----" + +The hands he held were crushed against his lips. "I'll write +to-morrow," was all he said. + +Then, releasing her, he gripped his sculls and the boat sped forward, +away from the thickly-clustered constellations of Cadenabbia and +Tremezzo, toward the lone twin lights that beckoned to them from the +farther shore, as yet untouched by the moon. + +After a short silence Lilamani spoke. + +"You did not sing to-night. Will you--now?" + +He balanced the sculls at her bidding; lifted his head and sang +softly, with tender inflections, the old Scots' ballad, so simple in +phrasing, so extravagant in protest: + + "My love is like a red rose that's newly sprung in June. + My love is like a melody that's sweetly played in tune----" + + +So singing and so floating, star-encompassed above and below, the +watchword of the evening descended again upon them like a beatitude. +The voices of the outer world seemed far away and unreal: themselves, +and this their transient Eden, the sole realities. + +The song ceased, and Nevil's oars plashed again, scattering stars. A +few swift strokes carried them out of the moonlight into the shadow +of their hill. Both were imaginative; both susceptible to the mood +of the hour; and, in that moment of passing, a little breeze of dread +blew chill upon their hearts. + +As the keel grounded, Lilamani leaned forward, putting out a hand. +"Nevil," she began, then checked herself. + +"What is it?" he asked, his ear quick to catch the trouble in her +tone. + +"Not anything," she answered as before. + +"Lilamani, is that true?" + +"Nearly true. Only some woman's foolishness, of ... perhaps... Pity +to break so heavenly evening with 'perhaps'----" + +"Wise one!" he commended, turning to moor the boat. Sincerely he +hoped that her trouble was no more than "woman's foolishness." But, +being man, he was grateful for the reserve or consideration that had +checked her impulse of speech. + +Springing out, he drew the boat well in-shore; secured it; and +returning, leaned to her again. + +"Is it still there--the foolishness?" + +"No." + +"Did you drive it away?" + +"Yes. Like it deserved." + +"Don't let it come back. This is our perfect hour. Let us keep it +so." + +Above them, from massed bushes of rhododendron and azalea, the +love-music of nightingales echoed his plea; and she sighed. + +"Yes. That I am feeling too. Almost it is like enchantment. One +little touch might break----" + +"That's why I put off writing. Must I now?" + +"It is not for wife to command her lord," she breathed. "But think +only ... dearest, your father----" + +Without a word he lifted her in his arms and carried her up through +the fragrant dark, jewelled with aerial gold of fire-flies. + +To both came the thought of that first time he had carried her thus, +in the rush and swirl of the storm, that had led them into this deep +heart of peace: and Lilamani, remembering all that his arms had told +her then, found to-night, in their enfolding pressure, an answer to +the question she could not bring herself to ask. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + "Oh, I would be to thee + As gentle as the grass above the dead, + And have I been but darkness and a sword?" + STEPHEN PHILLIPS. + + +It was the last of June; the last lingering hour of a radiant +evening. Not often does the queen of months fulfil herself so +royally as she had done for these two, with whom the very gods seemed +to have fallen in love. In the heavens a lazy light-filled cloud or +two, by way of reminder that tears must fall again some day. On +earth increasing fervour of heat and fragrance of a million roses. +And over all brooded that spirit of peace, of a sanctuary enclosed, +peculiar to hill-girt lakes in the zenith of summer. + +Even the passing flutter of holiday life on steamers and on hotel +terraces had ceased--for a time. Lilamani basked and blossomed in +the heat like some exotic plant of her own land. Nevil, less inured, +had suggested a move up to the Dolomites. But she clung to her nest, +fearing to "break the enchantment" and waken the forgetful Gods. +They were growing a little superstitious about "the enchantment"; so +pathetically certain is human nature that the perfect moment is of +all things most fragile, most impossible to regain when lost. + +In high hope, tempered with awe at their own daring, the +Ramayāna pictures had been begun. Nevil had chosen for his +first venture, Sita in the forest hut; the scene being one of the +simplest, yet imbued with the thrill of approaching drama. By now +the groundwork had been roughly blocked in; the forest hut, with +massed trees darkly looming; their black trunks and branches barring +the red glow of sunset fire. Sita, in amber draperies and +lotus-crown, was as yet merely indicated; as also was the stealthily +nearing form of That Terrible, with staff and begging-bowl and matted +locks. Rapello, Broome's stalwart young boatman, pressed into +service as model, had accepted with alacrity and repented at leisure; +consoling himself, for hours snatched from a promising courtship of +Giulietta, with reflections on the _Inglese's_ proverbial liberality, +and the honour of having his portrait painted by a genuine artist. +At moments when he looked particularly handsome and complacent, Nevil +had been tempted to let him see his "portrait"; and only the risk of +losing a good model had held the impulse in check. + +Colour-books on India had been sent for, and Sir Lakshman, greatly +interested, had promised to do his share. He was back in Paris now, +appreciably nearer. Yet another week and he would be with them. +Father and husband under one roof! Lilamani hugged the blessed +thought. Could the most exigeant bride ask for more? + +And while the last evening of June burned its heart out, the most +exigeant bride was curled up in Broome's big chair frowning at a slip +of paper, and chewing the point of her pencil in quest of +inspiration. She was alone in the little chalet for the first time +in her brief married life. Two hours ago an urgent message had come +from Cadenabbia. Martino, prostrated by one of his worst attacks, +had begged his sister to send for Nevil Sinclair; and Sinclair had +gone, promising to return as soon as might be to the lone bird in her +nest. + +The first hour she had spent in her shrine, praying Vishnu the +Preserver to save Martino's life. Then for a space she had +worshipped the image of the Baby-God Krishna, that lived in her +sandalwood casket; dreaming shyly, yet with passionate hope, of the +day when the Shining Ones should vouchsafe her a Baby-God of flesh +and blood, to worship in its stead. Then, because time lagged sadly +without her Light of Life, she had gone back into the studio, where +all things spoke feelingly of him: picture and easel; brushes and +palette, flung hastily aside; slippers and the holland coat in which +he worked. + +Here the happy idea had come to her of completing a June love-song, +written in secret. Then, if Signor Martino lived, she would surprise +Nevil with it on his return. Grateful for the distraction, she +settled to her task in the hope of charming away a little restless +ache that tugged at the back of her mind like a spoilt child at its +mother's skirts. + +Ten days since Nevil had written to Jane; leaving her to judge +whether Sir George's state of health made it advisable to tell +him--yet. Ten days; and no answer, to Lilamani's knowledge. But, +yesterday, she had seen a shadow in her lord's eyes, not there +before; and had longed to ask--yet dared not. Now, in her hour of +loneliness, they tugged at her afresh--the longing and the fear. +With the delicate passion of her own love-music she strove to banish +them; reading her small achievement through for the twentieth time, +in hopes of capturing two spontaneous last lines: + + SONG: IN LOVE-TIME + + "As the new-blown rose at noon-day + To the passion of the Sun, + Yields the fragrance of her spirit + To that All-compelling One-- + So, in ecstasy of giving,--mine to thee, O my King. + + "As the nightingale new-nested, + In a rapture of delight, + Coins heart-love into music, + Through the star-enchanted night:-- + So the music of thy silence is to me, O my King. + + "As the full-blown moon at midnight,-- + (Lotus plucked from Sita's crown,)--" + + +How to make an ending? How to put in best words that image of moon +in the lake was like image of him in her heart? It was at this pause +that she had sought inspiration from her pencil-tip--and found the +missing couplet. Yes. That would please him. With a half-smile she +set it down: + + "As the full-blown moon at midnight, + (Lotus plucked from Sita's crown,) + Sees, in darkly dreaming waters, + His radiant image thrown: + So thine image deeply dwells in heart of me, O my King." + + +Not so beautiful as she wished. But if she put away the verse at the +back of her head for a while, new lines would come singing to her, +from the Beyond, and that at the most incongruous moments, even as +they had come while Audrey discoursed of carbons, and _pro-tems_, and +other invisible bogies whose names she had joyfully dismissed from +her mind. Poor kind Audrey--so full of knowledge, so empty of true +heart's riches--had written more than once from England and seemed +content with her barren "way of the brain." Well--to each the good +they craved; and to herself that good had been given in fullest +measure. + +Then, springing from her chair, she went over to the writing-table, +with intent to slip her love-song inside his blotter---"for a +surprise." + +Opening it, her eyes fell upon a letter just begun. Half a dozen +lines only; and her quick brain seized them at a glance: + + +"DEAR JANE, + +"I am quite at a loss how to answer your confoundedly sisterly letter +of congratulation! You brandish your zeal for the honour of our +house like a two-edged sword. As for the unspeakable brother you +have hacked into little pieces, I can only say----" + + +What--what could he only say, this priceless husband who, on her +account, had been "hacked into little pieces"? Would hard words from +his people make him angry or sorry? Would they ever ... make him +regret...? + +There sprang the question she had refrained from asking on that +evening whose watchword was Peace. Now the blow had fallen: and he +had said no word. Yet she had seen the shadow of it in his eyes. +Rigid, almost without breathing, she stood scanning those few lines, +in the dear familiar hand, while the blood stole slowly from cheeks +and lips, back to her stunned heart and froze there... + +But the moment's merciful numbness could not last. A new and +poignant question stabbed her back to an agony of sensation. What +had she said, this "Jane," who must be called "sister"? What manner +of blows had she dealt with her two-edged sword? + +It was plain that Nevil did not mean her to know. And yet--she must +know. The rebel strain in her--overlaid by happiness and wifely +devotion--uprose again with power; the fighting spirit of her race +that bids even its women-folk set honour and self-respect above the +duty of self-subjection and makes the _purdahnashin_ of Rajputana +more of an entity than her of Bengal. For his sake, to keep +stainless the honour of his name, she could and would defy all +things--even himself. + +But the letter----! It came yesterday. His eyes told her that. If +it were not utterly destroyed, she intended to find and read it; not +staying to consider was it right or wrong. Once or twice she had +chidden him gently for his casual, untidy ways. Now they alone gave +her hope of success. + +With fingers that trembled and pale lips compressed, she felt in the +pockets of his holland coat, caressing it with her cheek the while, +as if to ask pardon for intruding upon its privacies. Not there. +She drew a breath of relief. And yet--it must be found. + +Drawers, the blotter, other pockets were shrinkingly invaded. Then +her glance fell upon the waste-paper basket--and she knew. Its +plethoric state proved that it had not been lately emptied. The +letter was there. Yet she hesitated. Something seemed to turn over +inside her. Must she ... dared she ... push her quest so far? + +The next instant she was on her knees among fragments of transient +words that yet have power to wreck the happiness of a life. She had +not seen Lady Roscoe's writing. Broken sentences must be her guide. +Straightening a severely crumpled morsel of paper, the words +"Bramleigh Beeches" caught her attention. Ah--this was it----! + +Then--with a sharp cry, she dropped the paper as if it had stung her, +and kneeling upright pressed both hands tightly over her eyes. + +But the words she had seen danced in letters of flame upon the +blackness. "A native mistress at Bramleigh Beeches! Half-caste sons +to carry on the name of which we are so rightly proud----" + +Tremulous no longer, but with a tragically steadfast deliberation, +she straightened out four other fragments of the same paper, the same +writing; badly crumpled all. He had been angry, then. A gleam of +comfort in that. The four fragments pieced themselves into a +half-sheet. Evidently not the whole letter. But she could find no +more; and this would suffice. + +It did more than suffice. For it was a large half-sheet; and, in +spite of crumpling, easy to be read. + + +"DEAR NEVIL (it ran), + +"You have _surpassed_ your own record! I could not bring myself to +write sooner, and now--what on earth can one say? Your last +bomb-shell was bad enough, though I always had a lurking belief +things would end so. _But this_! Had you no thought for the future? +A native mistress at Bramleigh Beeches! Half-caste sons to carry on +the name of which we are so rightly proud! In my opinion father +would be justified in cutting off your inheritance; even in cutting +you off with a shilling!" + +Lilamani puckered her brows over the cryptic utterance. Was that +what Nevil meant by hacking him into little bits? None was by to +enlighten her; and, still with her tragical steadfastness, she read +on: + +"When estates are free, it seems only common-sense that they should +go to the fittest. In our case, George, without question. Compare +his sound satisfactory engagement and your own crazy marriage! Even +if the girl had been English, the whole affair is fatally precipitate +for an inflammable man like you." Inflammable? Precipitate? More +dread-sounding words without sense. Yet those that followed were +cruelly clear; and in reading she bit her lip till it bled. "But a +_native_! Who in their senses could dream of your picking one up on +the Riviera, where you might so easily have picked up a presentable +American heiress, who would have been of some use to the estate. +Certainly I shall say nothing to father yet. In his present state of +health I believe the shock might kill him. When he is stronger you +can tell him yourself. As for you, _your_ real punishment will come +later, when you wake up from your infatuation--it _can_ be nothing +else--to find yourself tied hand and foot for life----" + +Here the sheet ended; and the girl-wife was thankful that the rest +could not be found. In that last broken sentence she saw her own +death-warrant: no less. + +Pushing the pieces from her, she rose and paced the room; the dear +room, almost alive with the presence of him who must be freed from +the impending dilemma, when he should wake up from infatuation.... +Another strange word. What ... exactly ... did it mean? + +Mechanically she sought her dictionary and turned the pages with +hurried nervous fingers. Ah, there it was. No mist of tears blurred +the small print. "A foolish passion, beyond the control of reason +and judgment." She formed the words with her lips, frowning a +little, as if to bring back her mind from a long way off. Her hands +were steady when she laid down the book. + +Fresh confirmation--that was all--of the resolve that had brought the +tragical steadfastness into her eyes. Child though she was, and +passionately in love with life, there could be no struggle; no +hesitation. To her clear, uncomplicated mind, it was all so +heartrendingly simple. Sooner than shadow of stain upon his family, +his name, obliteration of herself beyond recall. The detached +stoicism of centuries dominated her; blinding her to side issues; +impelling her toward the inevitable end. + +She stepped out on to the balcony that the peace of evening might lay +its balm upon her anguished heart. But to-night there was no peace +even here. To her overstrung fancy, Nature's self seemed imbued with +the spirit of Jane Roscoe. Black against the sky's clear amber, the +great kindly hills loomed stern and forbidding. The placid lake +cared not one iota whether it should bear on its bosom a radiant +Lilamani or hurry a desperate one into the next-door House of Life. + +Twilight was fading into dusk. Earth stars glowed here and there. +Shadowy boats moved upon the darkening water. One of them might be +his. Why, oh why was he so long in coming? For the first time in +her short, sheltered life a great horror of loneliness overwhelmed +her; and she fled back into the study like a hunted thing. + +Her few words of farewell came with a strange spontaneity, simple as +speech: "Beloved--By chance I saw your letter in blotter. By purpose +I found that of your sister, and read--because I _must_ know truth. +Now I go, that the way may be clear for honour of your house. At +first you will grieve. But that will pass. There are many women of +your own land better for wife than your Lilamani. Good-bye." + + +Without tear or tremor she folded that pitiful scrap of paper; and +set it on his blotter, together with her love-song and Jane's mangled +half-sheet. Then--with wide eyes and slim hands clenched, she stood +as if smitten to stone. + +He was coming! One of those boats had been his. Reprieve? Alas, +no. Merely the added anguish of enduring his touch, his glance, +before... + +The door was flung open, and he hurried towards her. Still she did +not move. His hands were on her shoulders. His voice seemed to come +from far away. + +"Dear little wife. A shame to leave her alone so long! But poor +Martino was in a bad way when I got there. He's better now; and I +believe he'll pull through this time. I knew you wouldn't grudge him +an hour or two of my valuable company!" + +"Oh, no ... I am glad----" + +Her tone betrayed her, and he brought his face nearer, searching hers +in the dim light. + +"Lilamani--you don't sound glad. And why were you standing there +like a little statue in the dusk? Tell me." + +"It is hard to tell." + +"Why? Has anything gone wrong?" + +"Yes. I have seen ... I have read ... that letter of your sister----" + +"Good God!" he cried in a fury of dismay. Then he remembered. "But, +my dear, you must be dreaming. I tore it up on the spot." + +"Yes. Only--it is still there. I found it--one half-sheet. Oh, how +shall I ever call name of sister, woman who wrote such cruel thing!" + +"You poor darling!" He drew her closer. "But what possessed you to +go ferretting it out like that? How on earth did you know it was +there?" + +She hesitated. The anger in his tone was more against the +circumstance than against her. But she was in no mood to make +distinctions. + +"I--I saw first your own few lines in the blotter. Then--then I was +looking everywhere, because--I had to know full truth----" + +"Not if _I_ didn't wish you to. If I'd meant you to see that letter +I should have shown it to you myself. But I'd have died sooner! And +can't you see that it was wrong and dishonourable to go hunting among +my private papers when my back was turned----" + +"Oh no--not say that!" She shrank from his touch that was robbing +her of courage. "Only ... when I had seen yours----" + +"What devil's luck led you to see mine? Of course, I ought to have +been more careful. But you don't meddle with my writing-table as a +rule. What on earth took you there to-day?" + +She covered her face, and for the first time her voice lost its +steadiness. + +"If you will speak more gently, and leave off from hurting me--with +your eyes----" + +"My darling! I wouldn't hurt you for the world. It's you who have +hurt yourself so cruelly in spite of the pains I was at to spare you. +That's what makes me angry; that and Jane's egregious effusion----. +But tell me--what took you to that wretched blotter?" + +"Only I wanted to put inside, for a surprise--some verses I had +made----" + +"Verses? Let me see them." He moved swiftly to the table, thankful +for the welcome change of subject. "Where are they, little wife?" + +But she sprang past him, and snatching at the paper, crumpled it in +her hand. "No. Not now." + +"Why not now?" + +"Oh--it is all different----" + +"It is not all different. You made those verses for me?" + +"Yes." + +"Then they are mine. I want them. Give them to me at once!" + +The half-playful note of command hurt more than all. + +"But not to read--yet," she pleaded, so earnestly, that he must needs +humour her, puzzled and distressed though he was. + +"Very well, if you really wish it, we'll read them together later to +take the taste of all this out of our minds." + +Together! The word was like a javelin flung at her. But he, all +unwitting, proceeded to smooth his crumpled treasure on the table, +and so caught sight of her note. + +"Hullo! What's this?" he said. + +And she, with a quick-drawn breath: "That--you may see now." + +Then, with the soft rush of a winged thing, she sped past him--out, +and down into the night. + +For a moment, knowing her shy ways, he fancied she had merely slipped +into her shrine, and drew nearer the window to decipher his note. +One hurried glance enlightened him. With an oath he crushed the +paper into his pocket; and, turning, beheld her, flitting like a pale +moth, through the dark of the garden. + +"Lilamani, stop! I command you!" he shouted. "I'm coming down." + +Then he sped after her, clearing the short flight of stairs almost at +a bound. He believed her capable, at such a crisis, of carrying out +her fell purpose in defiance of his command; and those few moments of +poignant fear lit up his whole consciousness as a searchlight +illumines a night of stars. Deeply and honestly as he loved her, he +had not known how terribly dear she was to him--till now. So much, +at least, Jane's letter had achieved---- + +"Lilamani! Stop, for God's sake!" he shouted again, once he was +clear of the house. But she fled on.... + +When he came up with her, she was clambering on to a rock, whence she +could jump straight into deep water. + +Swiftly his arms closed round her from behind, drawing her down to +his level. Desperately, and in silence, she fought for freedom; +submission of wifehood swept aside by the fierce resolve not to spoil +his life. Her delicate body seemed animated with superhuman +strength: and he, hoping to soften her tearless passion of +resistance, tried to win possession of her lips. But she turned her +head away sharply; speaking at last, between quick-coming breaths. + +"Go, go--leave me! Hard now--but afterwards--" + +A swift shudder convulsed her; and, lest he notice it, she began +struggling afresh. + +"Beloved--have you quite lost your senses?" he cried, a sharp ring of +fear in his voice. + +"It is possible. So much better--that I go. But not say--beloved." + +By sheer force he held her to him. + +"I shall say it. Because it's true. And you _shall not go_." + +No fear in his tone now; but the deep strong note of command, that +called to the primitive deeps in her: nor called in vain. He felt +her tense limbs relax--ever so little; and pressed his advantage home. + +"Lilamani, conquer your madness, and listen to me. Is it lip-service +when you call me lord of your life?" + +"Nevil! It is truth--from my heart." + +"Then you have no right, no power to fling away that most precious +gift against my wish; and to sacrifice my life as well----" + +"But no. With men it is otherwise. Afterwards--because of +others--you would be grateful for courage of that Lilamani----" + +He closed her lips with his own, and felt the whole of her melt into +yielding softness at their touch. + +"I will not hear such things," he said, and drew her to a rough seat, +still holding her cautiously, as one holds a prisoned bird, lest her +madness return. "Besides," he urged in tender reproof, "don't you +know that it is very wrong to take your own life--for any reason?" + +"No, not so--with us; by right motive," she answered with rare +steadiness, for all the turmoil in her breast. "Also, to us, death +is not such great matter. Only passing on--to next-door House." + +"But think--in that next-door House you would find no Nevil." He +felt her tremble and was glad. "You would leave him here, alone, not +able to finish his great pictures without Sita. Did you think of +that?" + +"N-no----" The word was disjointed by a sob. + +"And would you make a sister of mine," he went on, drawing her closer +still, "though she did write harsh, abominable things in her +bitterness and vexation--would you make her virtually a murderer in +my eyes--and in the eyes of God?" + +That last thawed the frozen fountains of a grief too deep-seated for +tears. With a broken cry she clung to him as one drowning to a spar. + +"O King of me! Forgive ... forgive...!" + + + + +CHAPTER V + + "Her strength with weakness is overlaid, + Meek compliances veil her might, + Him she stays by whom she is stayed." + "True Woman."--C. ROSSETTI. + + +They spent a long evening in their balcony, watched over by the +wistful stars. There was much to talk of now that she knew all: and +their happiness, snatched from the verge of extinction, had a new +depth and consciousness, that is the guerdon of pain shared and +conquered. + +So far as might be, Nevil expounded Jane, and the remoteness of her +view-point from his own; an assurance that was balm to the hurt soul +of his wife. He bade her, for his sake, forget those unjust, ugly +words that the writer would surely regret when she knew his Lilamani. +But she answered truthfully that were impossible. She could only +promise not to let them poison her thoughts or embitter her spirit. +And he knew of old the value of her given word. + +Her love-song, with its musical cadences, at once delighted him and +wrung his heart. That Jane's unvarnished candour should have struck +sharp on that impassioned outpouring, infuriated him afresh. But she +should not have the satisfaction of provoking him to a retort. +Silence would at once annoy her and convince her that, for him, the +subject was outside the pale of discussion. In the meantime, with +the dear dark head against his shoulder, the cool clinging hand at +rest within his own, he would fain forget the existence of Jane and +all her works. The high encompassing heavens, the passionate +jubilance of nightingales, thrilling up through the dark, weaned him +from thought of trivial things; stirred within the body of his +manhood, the pulse of the Divine.... + +When it came to "good night," they whispered that the enchantment was +not broken, after all: whispered it, lest the Gods hear and snatch +away the precious thing. + +But it seemed that the Gods were sleeping, or on a journey. For +three unclouded days they rowed and read and painted at will. Sita +and Ravān emerged from their background of hut and forest. +Sita, more especially, grew in beauty and power with each fresh +sitting; nor did Nevil Sinclair guess how much he owed to his wife's +trick of identifying herself so innately with Rāma's queen +that a sense of approaching tragedy weighed upon her heart; while, in +her misty imagining, That Terrible stood for Jane Roscoe and her +two-edged sword. + +Three unclouded days: and upon the fourth day, fell a bolt from the +blue. + +Breakfast was not long over. Lilamani sat on Sita's stool, ready for +the morning's work, and her husband stood at his easel, when there +came a telegram from England that took all the healthy colour out of +Nevil Sinclair's face. + +"My God!" he groaned under his breath; then, sinking into a chair +beside the writing-table, pressed a hand over his eyes. + +The flimsy, yellowish paper slipped unheeded to the floor and lay +there, harmless-looking as a dead leaf, till Lilamani, treading +softly, picked it up and read the curt summons twice over, in a +stunned bewilderment, before the sense penetrated--and the pain. + +"Father has had a stroke. Serious. Come immediately." + +What a "stroke" might mean, she did not know. But two facts were +plain: grave illness, and Nevil's instant departure--with or without +her? Which would it be? For answer, she had only the leaping +hammer-strokes of her heart. + +A second or two she stood, while all things seemed smitten into a +sudden unnatural silence. Then, softlier still, she drew near her +husband. + +Feeling her nearness, he looked up; and she saw the brave blue of his +eyes veiled in tears. The pang that smote her was not all grief: it +was the birth-pang of that mother-tenderness which is the diviner +half of woman's love for man. To the Eastern wife it is +impermissible till actual motherhood add a cubit to her stature; and, +with a thrill at her own presumption, Lilamani Sinclair slipped a +hand round her husband's head, drawing it close into the softness of +her breast and cradling it there, as though he were indeed her son. + +"The dear old man. Always such a tower of strength," Nevil said at +last, without looking up. "When Jane wrote that he was not quite +himself, one never thought--of _this_. God knows I've been a +disappointing son to him. But I felt sure--if only he could see +you---- Well, there's hope still----" He drew himself up, brushing +the mist from his lashes. "Time's everything. I'll wire to Jane and +we must start to-night." + +"We?" The word was little more than a breath; and her eyes, quick +with love's clairvoyance, dwelt on his. "Were you really +meaning----? Is it not better--in such time of trouble--not to make +more...?" + +"But Lilamani!" He gathered her close. "How on earth can I leave you +here--alone?" + +"'Can' is always making a way, when there is 'must'!" she answered, +smiling bravely. She had seen a ghost of indecision in his eyes, had +heard it in his tone. + +"But there's no 'must,'" he persisted, love and chivalry conquering +his suspicion that she spoke truth. "You're my wife; and I'm proud +of the fact. Even Jane couldn't be otherwise than decent to you--at +a time like this. As for the dear old man--he needn't know till he's +fit to see you himself. And if---- There's no 'if.' And there's no +'must' either--is there--now I've made things clear?" + +He was talking valiantly against his own conviction. She saw it too +clearly: saw that, for all his dread of parting, her presence now at +Bramleigh Beeches would but serve to pile anxiety upon anxiety, pain +on pain for the husband who was her all. + +"Perhaps not 'must,'" she admitted wistfully. "Yet still--because of +your father ... better to go alone. Also for me--it is too +soon--meeting Lady Roscoe--after that letter----" + +"You're right. It _is_ too soon!" He spoke with sudden heat. "Too +soon for me, if it comes to that. But this is no time for +squabbling; and of course--if you're not there.... I believe you're +right, little wife. Better have the wrench now than risk spoiling +everything by taking you home at the wrong moment. But you shan't be +left alone. I'll wire to your father. Lucky he's in Paris. Shall I +ask him if he can come at once, or take you along to join him?" + +"No--not that!" She shrank from so complete a break. "Tell him +'Come soon.' He will. Somehow, he will. For his Lilamani." + +"But at soonest he can't be here before to-morrow night. Twenty-four +hours. You--who have never been alone in your life! I should be +haunted by the thought of you...." + +"No--oh no. You must believe I am brave Lilamani for your sake. +Signor Martino and his sister will be kind; and in the evening time I +will write you longest letter you ever had!" + +Smiling, he pressed her hands between his own. Then they must needs +forget themselves and each other in telegrams, time-tables, and +flying orders; hateful, merciful trivialities that thrust themselves +in between the anguished heart and the too nimble imagination, the +terrible second self that stands outside the picture--watching, +pitying, recording, and so intensifying emotion. + +The telegrams written, Barnes must be told. Barnes was Sinclair's +valet; faithful, but of late, mildly remonstrant. He received the +news from home with a decorous air of sympathy due to any trouble +that shadowed the prospective owner of Bramleigh Beeches, even if he +had "married beneath him, in a manner of speaking." Mrs. Sinclair's +taste for cookery was suspicious--to say the least; and--he wondered, +discreetly, how much they knew "at home." Well--he would soon find +out now: and, on the whole, though that there Miss Juliet was a +"taking piece, and pretty well up on the balcony-trick," he could do +with a few weeks' return to British Bass and an honest cut off the +Sunday joint. + +In the meantime, he advertised his sympathy by an elaborate lightness +of tread and a voice pitched half a tone lower than usual. +Discovering that the journey was to be a single affair, he patted +himself on the back for "a knowing bird." It was a hole-and-corner +business. He had suspicioned as much from the first. Peculiar, when +you came to think of it; but there hadn't bin no letters with the +Bramleigh postmark addressed to Mrs. Nevil Sinclair so far as he +knew. The young master wasn't quite such a fool as that amounted to. +Trust him. A courtesy marriage: he, Horatio Barnes, would have took +his Bible oath; only that the lady's father was obviously "in +it"--whatever "it" might be. But then--Lord love you!--when it come +to heathens, however well-turned out, there was always dark +possibilities in lurk; as he had gleaned from certain of the young +master's books. For Barnes was a bit of a scholard in his own +esteem. He had read of Japanese and Burmese marriages, in which +parents were quite agreeable to a temporary arrangement. The notion +occurred to him now: and he chuckled inwardly at his own astuteness. +You never knew when an odd bit of reading might nip in handy. At all +events--mum was the word. A bat in daylight could see as much. And +mum it should be for him till the lay of the land seemed to justify +speech: which he didn't go for to suppose it would. + +Thus Horatio Barnes, moving like Agag, between the portmanteau and +the chest of drawers: while Nevil Sinclair, stunned and miserable, +gave not a moment's thought to the inferences a valet might draw from +his latest move. He only saw that Lilamani was right; astonishingly, +beautifully right, as she was apt to be in matters seemingly outside +her ken. By some instinct of the spirit, that took the place of +worldly wisdom, she had seen more instantly than he the impossibility +of arriving at such a crisis with an unacknowledged wife, in the face +of Jane's unacknowledged letter. For himself, eyes and judgment had +been blinded by grief, by chivalrous consideration, and the natural +desire that he had of her. + +And how long would he be gone? Neither dared approach that question +till Sir Lakshman's answering telegram forced them back upon a topic +too painful for gratuitous talk. When it came, Nevil--still pale and +shaken--was mechanically swallowing a biscuit and a glass of sherry, +while they talked in the jerky, unnatural manner of those about to +part; carefully avoiding each other's eyes. Only yesterday, at +tea-time, they had been behaving like two children; she, perched +lightly on his knee; and he, insisting that she should "bless" each +cake he ate by daintily biting off a corner herself. Only yesterday! +It seemed a week away. Now he swallowed unblessed morsels without +tasting them, and handed Sir Lakshman's answer to his wife. + +"He'll be with you this time to-morrow. Thank God for that much," he +said without looking at her, while he fumbled at the clasp of his +cigarette case. "I suppose--I hope to goodness he can stay--till I +come back." + +"How soon is that?" she whispered, folding the paper into diminishing +parallelograms with minute care. "One week--or two?" + +"Impossible to tell, little wife." He had lighted his cigarette now +and coming nearer laid a sustaining hand on her shoulder. +"Everything depends--on him. But you may trust me to come straight +back to you the first moment I honestly can." + +"Yes--yes. But so long as they are needing you--please stay..." + +At this point they were interrupted by Agag with another telegram +from the stationmaster at Lucerne; and once more the hateful, +merciful actualities cleft them apart. Sinclair blessed his wife's +tearless composure even while he marvelled at it in one so young, and +withal so passionate, as he had discovered her to be. But the +Eastern temperament is a thing of extremes. Either it will beat the +breast and wail unrestrainedly upon the least provocation, or it will +endure to the utmost with a stoicism almost sublime. Much hangs on +caste. In Lilamani Sinclair, inherited instinct forbade the +indignity of uncontrolled outcry or lament; and his pain, his need of +small services, eclipsed all thought of--afterwards. + +But there came the dread inevitable moment when the last label was +writ, the last key turned in its lock, and they two stood alone in +her shrine, dumbly, acutely aware that here was an end--not of their +love, but of that sublimited phase of it that comes once only, and by +no means to all. + +To Nevil came also a sudden unreasoning fear of the lake. It was too +soon to leave her--too soon. True, her madness was past; yet, in +their after-talk, he had discerned at the heart of it, a deep, +underlying idea that at once lifted it above a mere desperate impulse +and made it the more liable to recur. The oppressive sense of +Death's imminence, of life's instability, that was upon him, +quickened his dread. + +"Lilamani," he said hoarsely, gripping her two hands with a force +that was pain, "I _can't_ leave you alone here, even for one night, +unless you promise me, by whatever you hold most sacred, not to +let--that madness of yours come back. Think of me--of the Sita +pictures, of--of Jane, if the Devil tempts you to imagine that I +could ever--oh, it's impossible! But give me your sacred word, and +drive the ugly fear out of my heart----" + +"Lord of my life," she answered, a thrill of passion in her low tone, +"I promise ... by most sacred thing of all ... that gift I shall one +day give you----" + +A faint tremor here: and he--with an inarticulate sound--gathered her +into his arms; held her so, for one measureless moment; then, +whispering "God keep you, little wife," drew her down and out into +their sun-filled garden. + +The waiting boat received him. He waved as it pushed off. She waved +back, achieving a smile. Then--he was gone; gone into the vague, +unknown world of actualities: and for many minutes she stood where he +had left her, straining to keep his boat in view through the mist +that gathered in her eyes. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + "Life struck sharp on death makes awful lightning." + E. B. BROWNING. + + +Cherton is the station for Bramleigh; a small station with a small +shelter on the "down" side. When Nevil Sinclair alighted--heart-sick +and travel-sick, after interminable hours of ceaseless, and almost +sleepless, rushing through space--it was raining, uneffusively, yet +persistently, as it can rain in July. The clouds hung low and +positive, here thinned to a whitish-grey, there heavy with unshed +tears. No bustling wind threatened to interrupt their superfluous +zeal for earth and trees and new-mown hay already saturate to +repletion. They wore a settled, sullen look, as if they meant to +stay there on and off for days. + +Sinclair, followed by Barnes, hurried under the shelter and commanded +a fly. It arrived out of space, with the leisurely dignity of its +kind; and, for Nevil, that four-mile drive in a superannuated +brougham, smelling at once stuffy and damp, almost broke the back of +his endurance. Yet it was his own doing that he had not been "met" +by the landau and the greys. In wiring from Paris his probable hour +of arrival, haunting thoughts of his father had impelled him to add +"if wet don't send." For at that time the evolving motor had not +quite changed the face of the landscape, and the stench and snort of +one was as smoke to the eyes and vinegar to the teeth of the dear old +man. By way of protest, he emphasized the sanctity of his greys and +their driver: a faithful tyrant of twenty years' service. Hence +Nevil's impulse of consideration. And it was just such endearing +acts of graciousness--foreign to Jane and George--that had gone far +to keep his first-born supreme in the father's heart, for all his +tiresome perversity in matters of greater moment. + +And now, while Nevil leaned back uneasily in the brougham-that-was, +watching dejected hedges and tearful trees trail past him through the +rain-blurred landscape, he found himself praying, instinctively, +incoherently, to the dim God of his boyhood that he might, at worst, +be granted living sight and sound of the father he had disappointed +and deceived, before the Great Silence fell between them for ever. +No wire awaiting him in Paris seemed to augur possible improvement. +But he had been travelling for eight hours since then; and eight +minutes would suffice ... + +While his ark of safety, lurching through the pillared gateway, +rumbled on between drenched battalions of cypress and fir, Nevil +Sinclair held thought suspended. One last lurch, and the house +loomed into view; flat-fronted, creeper-covered, with short wings at +either end: the east wing culminating in a tower. Familiar, every +line and corner of it: yet now--tragically unfamiliar. For as Nevil +leaned out into the rain a dozen sightless windows attested the +futility of that broken prayer. + +Sir George Sinclair was dead: and the spirit of the place, the +spirits of unnumbered Sinclairs, who had lived and died there, called +mutely on Sir Nevil to rise up and reign in his stead. But in that +first shock of realization, he was simply a son bereft of a +father--hard to please or understand, yet honestly beloved, in the +queer, shamefaced fashion of his race. + +Barnes, with eyes discreetly lowered, opened the brougham door; and +at sight of him a jarring thought intruded on Nevil's misery. The +man must be warned not to speak of the Como establishment. It was a +detestable necessity; implying, as it did, a slur on Lilamani's fair +name from which his every instinct shrank. Yet, hateful or no, speak +he must. + +"Look here, Barnes," he said under his breath, "no chattering about +my private affairs in the servants' hall--you understand?" + +Distaste lent an unusual curtness to his tone; and Barnes infused +into his own a hint of mild reproach. + +"That might ha' gone without sayin', Sir Nevil," he answered, still +considering the wet gravel; and the new-made baronet winced. He +could have struck the man for his glib change of address. But +instead, he hurried forward into the dim hall, smitten by a sudden +acute fear that, by some unforeseen chance, his marriage had become +known; that, he, Nevil, might even be responsible---- He could not +complete the hideous thought. Nor could he dismiss it, till he +knew---- + +But in this stronghold of the conventions all must be done decently +and in order. Through the dimness came Madgwick, butler and +major-domo, a small, shrewd-faced man, with kindly eyes and a +suspicion of red about his eyelids. Nevil, frank and friendly always +to those who served him, shook hands in silence with the pillar of +the house. + +"Wish you could ha' got here sooner, sir," Madgwick muttered huskily. +No glib change of address for him. "Her la'ship's waiting tea for +you in the dining-room." + +He led the way and Nevil followed into a lofty, oval space--lit by +skylights and ringed by a gallery--known as the large hall. Though +not the smoking-room proper, it had been the dead man's favourite +"den"; and his spirit clung about it in the faint, familiar smell of +leather, tobacco, and dogs. Two setters rose from the hearthrug to +greet Nevil; their tails, at a melancholy angle, wagged mere +recognition. They missed the cheerful voice and heavy tread of their +master, and the sensitiveness of humanized animals told them +something was wrong. + +As Nevil stooped to caress them, the dining-room door opened; +Madgwick obliterated himself, and Jane looked out. + +"That you, Nevil?" + +"Yes." + +She came forward to meet him; a feminine counterpart of Sir George; +square-cut and decisive; with strong, blunt nose, cleft chin and a +lower lip that would obviously "stand no nonsense" from woman or man. +Though only five years older than her brother, she looked more, was +more, in fact, from having lost, too early, if she had ever +possessed, the elasticity of youth. Plain, at her best, she looked +plainer than usual in an old black dress, hastily donned; her brown +hair brushed well off an uncompromising brow; her eyes, like +Madgwick's, betraying the weakness of secret tears. In spite of +mutual grief, that unanswered letter hung between them like a bared +sword. + +There was a perceptible moment of embarrassment as they clasped +hands; an embarrassment that would have proved more awkward, but that +Jane distrusted emotion, and had not kissed her brothers since she +came of age. Determination not to let grief master her, increased +her natural air of assertion as she scrutinized Nevil's tired face +and the dumb anxiety in his eyes. + +"Poor boy! You look fagged out," she said. + +"Yes. I got no sleep." + +"You came straight through, of course?" + +"Yes. I couldn't possibly have got here sooner." + +"We were afraid not. Yet--one hoped. He--he seemed to want you." + +"_Did he?_" She had not the key to his suppressed eagerness. "I +wish to God I could have been here. When--when was it over?" + +"About an hour ago." + +"Only an hour?" He bit his lower lip to steady it, and she turned +back to the dining-room. + +"Better have some tea before we talk any more," she said, forcing the +common-sense note. + +"A brandy and soda. No food, thanks," he answered, following her. + +"Nonsense! There are sandwiches--and scones. I kept them hot----" +She lifted the dish from the grate, where a wood-fire crackled and +sputtered in defiance of July. "Makes the room a shade less dismal," +she explained, setting the chicken before him and returning to warm +her hands; for they were cold. "It's been raining steadily for three +days." + +There was a pause. Lady Roscoe, still warming her hands, tried to +ignore a recurrent ache in her throat; while her brother obediently +swallowed sandwiches that tasted like shavings, and threatened to +choke him. + +Then, leaning suddenly forward, he said huskily: "Jane--what was +it--that upset him? A shock?" + +"Yes. Speculation. A big failure." + +"Thank God!" He spoke under his breath; but with such fervour of +relief that she rounded on him sharply. + +"Nevil! Are you quite mad?" + +"No. I was afraid--by some chance, he might have heard--that it +might have been----" + +"No. It's not as bad as that. You're responsible for enough as it +is." + +She turned back to the fire. She heard Nevil push aside his plate +and empty his tumbler. Then, without looking round, she spoke again. + +"If you really thought it might have that effect on him, how could +you bring yourself----" + +Nevil's hand came down upon the table. "We don't want to quarrel at +a time like this, Jane. The thing's done; and I shall never regret +it." + +"Never's a long word. You are sure it's binding--legally?" + +"If it were not, I should at once take steps to make it so. That's +enough." + +The quiet note of command surprised Jane. Being of the downright, +athletic type, that observes little and reflects less, except on +matters of practical moment, it did not occur to her that love and +husbandhood had naturally made her irresponsible brother more of a +man. But man or no, Jane Roscoe was in the habit of going her own +way. + +"Well, I'm glad you had the good sense and good taste to come by +yourself," she remarked, ignoring his last two words. + +"The good sense was not mine. It was hers," he answered with +repressed heat. "Nothing but her own express wish would have induced +me to leave her alone. Luckily her father could come." He lit a +cigar. "But Jane--about the speculation--the failure? D'you know +any details?" + +"No. One knew he speculated, of course. But not on such a big +scale. He was writing to you when--when the stroke came." She drew +an envelope from her bag. "I didn't read the letter. Perhaps it +explains." + +He held out his hand for it, a strained hunger in his eyes. But Jane +saw only the outstretched hand. For her, eyes were not windows of +that heavenly stranger, the soul. They were features in the human +face. She knew when they flashed anger, or held tears. The finer +shades of expression escaped her. And, while she stood pondering on +matters practical, which Death emphasizes rather than sweeps aside, +Nevil was reading his father's last words to him, shielding his face +from view. + +"My dear Boy," wrote Sir George, ten minutes before his hand was +stricken powerless. "It's bad news I have to tell you, and I'm not +much use on paper. Never was. Often as I've rated your unpractical +disregard of money, I'm thankful for it now. It may help to soften +the blow. My own regard for the 'dirty shekels' has pushed me deeper +into the hell of speculation than any of you have guessed. I took to +it, like dram-drinking, when your mother died, and I've kept on at it +ever since. Bigger ventures each year. The luck lured me on. That +and my ambition to put you into Parliament with a small fortune at +your back. Money's everything these days, and when I'm gone I should +turn in my grave if you couldn't keep the old Place going in the old +style. + +"Well--you knocked Parliament on the head, and now a parcel of +muddle-headed fools in South Africa have robbed you of the fortune I +was scheming to leave you. Don't be too down on your old father, +boy. I've had a black time of it, these five years, since the luck +deserted me. This last plunge was a desperation stroke. But I took +the soundest advice available and worried myself half crazy over it. +You must believe that, old boy. It was kill or cure--" + +The word that followed was a meaningless scrawl. Nevil set his teeth +and breathed deeply, while all the letters on the page ran together +into one blur. But he mastered himself and looked up. + +"Jane--it's awful. What he must have suffered--these last months!" + +Lady Roscoe nodded. "I told you something was wrong. If you had +come home--he might have spoken." + +Nevil winced at that. + +"Too late for 'if's,'" he said a trifle hurriedly. "Besides--how +could one imagine---- It looks like a bad business. But this +doesn't explain much." He held it out to her. "Let me have it back. +George here?" + +"Yes. Hal couldn't get away. But he hopes to come--later. Gee's +gone into Bramleigh--on business. He's good at doing things. But +you must take your right place now, Nevil." + +"Of course." + +He frowned. He was tired, jarred, unstrung. She would have liked to +put a hand on his shoulder, to take the edge, if might be, off her +cruel letter. + +But it is the penalty of those who are afraid of emotion, that at +rare moments of true feeling they are tongue-tied, prisoned in the +fortress themselves have built. + +So Jane Roscoe mechanically re-read the address on her father's +letter, and Nevil Sinclair pushed back his chair with a sigh. +"Where's Christina?" he asked. + +"Kit? She's back from Germany. Arrived this morning: just in time. +Nevil"--she hesitated between pain and embarrassment--"won't you come +up--to his room?" + +"Yes--yes----" There were light steps in the large hall. "That must +be the Kitten," he said in a changed tone. "I'll see her first." + +And as Christina entered, Jane passed out. + +They were as little alike as sisters could well be. Slim and fair as +her brother, Christina had the Nevil eyes and brow where imagination +sat enthroned; though tempered by a modified edition of the Sinclair +mouth and chin. She was three-and-twenty, fresh from studying music +in Germany; well up in modern theories and philosophies, but a tyro, +as yet, in the greater philosophies of the heart and of life. +Christina she had been baptized. Kit she was called; the longer +name, however beautiful, having small chance of survival in a century +dominated by the snippet, the postcard, and the monosyllable. Harold +became Hal, and even George had been reduced to "Gee." Nevil, who +was artist enough to object, had always been thankful that his own +name triumphantly withstood the "potting" process. + +At sight of him Christina gave a little cry. + +"Oh, Nevil, my dear, I never knew you had come!" + +As he rose, she flew to him, and cried a little on his shoulder, +while he patted her head. + +"Such a comfort to have you," she murmured between two sniffs. +"Jane's so hard. I know she's miserable. But she wears chain-mail +under her clothes, and makes one feel a hysterical fool if one breaks +down." She lifted her head and saw tears in his eyes. "Oh, +Nevil--it was awful! He--he never knew me; and--I almost wished--I +had come too late. Am I a despicable coward?" + +"No, no," he said, recalling his own sensations at Monte Carlo. "It +is a natural shrinking. I quite understand." + +"You always do." She dabbed her eyes with an ineffectual wisp of +lawn, already saturate, and regarded him lovingly. "I can hardly +believe it's a whole year since I said good-bye to you at Dover. Yet +you look older, graver; and I'm glad you've taken up art in earnest. +It's a sort of 'rainbow bridge,' joining the prose and poetry in us, +isn't it?" + +Nevil nodded. + +"But you've been a fiend about writing," she went on, pressing his +arm. "Not a letter worth speaking of in the last three months." + +"Sorry, Christina. But we were both busy studying, weren't we?" he +answered, looking thoughtfully at an impish blue flame that spurted +from the crevice of a log. Then, because Christina was his sister +every way, truth must out. "Besides, two months ago--I got married." + +"Nevil! You--married?" Eager curiosity gleamed through her tears. +"But what on earth made you keep it so dark?" + +"Well--there were difficulties----" he said uneasily, still studying +the flame. Then thought of Lilamani shamed him, and he looked his +sister in the face. "The truth is--I've married a beautiful Indian +girl of eighteen. A Hindu. I wouldn't let her change." + +"Good heavens! And you never told anyone?" + +"Only Jane. She's furious, of course." + +"Not--not father?" Voice and eyes were lowered. + +"No. I knew it would upset him. I was waiting----" He bit his lip. +"Look here, Christina--I had to tell you. But we won't talk of +it--yet. When--when all's over, I must announce it. Then you shall +hear more---- Are you horrified?" he added hastily. + +"N-no. I'm sort of stupefied with amazement. But it's so romantic. +So interesting. I want to hear lots more." + +"You shall. Later on. I'm going up now----" She shut her eyes and +shivered. "Sit you down there, old girl," he said tenderly, "and try +to read." + +"Oh, I can't read. Nevil, you are a dear! Come back soon." + +"All right." + +Through the large hall he went, into the lesser one, and on up the +broad staircase with reluctant feet. + +He had felt the fact so far: not realized it. He dreaded the +realization, that grew with every step through the unnatural silence +of the house. The dear old man! It seemed incredible, even in the +face of overwhelming proof. Instinctively the human soul rejects the +fact of death, that seals the door of the charnel-house yet opens a +window towards infinity. Mind and senses assert glibly: "Dust thou +art----" The soul, unconvinced, whispers: "If in this life only we +have hope----" And between both the heart of man swings like a +pendulum, now this way, now that, inclining always toward the larger +view; realizing, in moments of lucid vision, that the impersonal +force men call death is not merely the King of Terrors, but the King +of Life, which, without that inexorable shadow at the crossroads, +would be shorn of half its meaning and more than half its glory. + +Nevil Sinclair--man of misty beliefs and clear intuitions--had +recognized this aforetime. To-day, mounting the staircase of +Bramleigh Beeches, he recognized only that he had lost his father: a +loss no faith in immortality could lessen or make good. + +As he neared the door, Jane's black, square figure retreated down the +passage. For a second or two he stood looking after her. Then he +softly turned the handle and went in----. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + "A man's foes shall be they of his own household." + ST. MATTHEW. + + +It was over. Everything was over: formalities, letters of +condolence, wreaths and crosses, the thud of falling earth on Sir +George's last sleeping-place, the dismal trail of carriages, the no +less dismal crowds of villagers about the old church and graveyard. +All the dreary panoply of woe, that is gall and wormwood to the real +sufferers, boasts one justification only. It is a clumsy fashion of +showing respect to the dead. Let the living endure it as best they +may. + +Sir Nevil Sinclair, the worst man on earth for public functions, had +endured it with a fortitude and tact approved even of Jane: but this +afternoon--pacing the vast lawn, where twin-cedars made a fragrant +drawing-room--he was undeniably thankful to be "through with it all." +Summer, having got over her fit of ill-temper, was once more a thing +of sweetness and light. Rainbow sparkles flashed from every leaf and +petal; and all the birds were out after their harvest of worms. + +Ten days, now, since he had left Como and his girl-bride. More like +a month, it seemed; so absolute, so abrupt had been his change of +atmosphere and surroundings. The "longest letter he ever had" +reposed in his breast-pocket and a second had arrived that morning, +brimful of sympathy for his loss. Brave letters, both; though +beneath the surface cheerfulness, he discerned the ache of love and +longing, to which his own heart throbbed passionate response. For +the sake of his father it had been possible to leave her. But now +that father was gone, he grudged every hour of his truancy. + +And yet----! + +A new sense--dormant hitherto--had been sending up green shoots +through the dark and pain of this past week; the sense of possession, +inherent in his race. For the mere title he cared little; for the +house--with its insistence on minor tyrannies, domestic and +social--less than he ought. It was the good earth herself, the good +great trees of her begetting, the wide spaces of heather, beyond the +pine plantation, that climbed up and up behind stables and +kitchen-garden: it was these that he rejoiced to have and to hold, to +shield from the desecration of promiscuous building that is fast +converting the Queen of Home Counties into a suburban paradise. + +More than all Nevil loved the beeches that had given the place its +name. Beyond a rose-garden that flanked the east wing, sprang and +outspread the gracious symmetry of their trunks and limbs, grey and +dull silver, dappled with mosaic of pale lichens, robed and crowned +with satin-bright cascades of a million leaves. In May their emerald +carpet was alight with sheets of bluebells; in early autumn brown +with beech-mast, flecked with scarlet of moss-cups and fungi; and at +all times patterned with every conceivable shade of green. Temple +and storehouse of squirrels, song-birds, pigeons, and +pheasants--religiously preserved by Sir George--the noble wood +stretched on and up a bold sweep of rising ground; ending, as the +pine plantation ended, in wind-swept spaces of heather, gorse, and +broom. + +And it was his own: all his own. Magic words that no democratic zest +for parcelling out the earth in snippets will ever rob of their deep +significance. But for Nevil Sinclair the legitimate joy of ownership +was marred by revelations brought to light during a long morning with +Reynolds, the family lawyer. He had taken his client through Sir +George's papers the day after the funeral and had made the whole +situation painfully clear to the new baronet, whose heritage was but +a fraction of the well-ordered estate left by his grandfather, Sir +Robert; an early Victorian politician of simple tastes and rigid +sense of duty. + +Hard not to censure the dead while those revelations were in +progress. Not that Sir George had been wilfully extravagant or +careless of the old place, that was nearer and dearer to him than his +God. But the Sinclairs had never been men of wealth; and from early +days of possession "things" had gone against him; a phrase +conveniently comprehensive and vague. Blind to moral and spiritual +values--with the complacent blindness of a certain sturdy British +type, that sees life in clear-cut unlinked fragments--he had +determined that his sons should not be "hampered" by the pinch that +makes character. Their allowances had been more liberal than the +estate could afford. Nevil, in particular, with his artist hobbies +and zest for travel, had been a costly item. But from year to year, +pride and generosity combined had withheld Sir George from telling +the truth. Then, in the loneliness following upon his wife's death, +had come the temptation--inspiration he had deemed it then--to mend +matters by gambling discreetly on the big scale. It was the one weak +point in a shrewd, level-headed, if limited, nature. Secretly +indulged in, it had exacted penalty to the uttermost, and poisoned +the whole. + +Pitiful beyond speech, it seemed to Nevil--and to Jane, the crowning +irony--that the poor old man should have lost his life in straining +after a fortune for which the son cared little; while the heritage, +for which he did care, was flung on his hands shorn of its immemorial +dignity: one-third heavily mortgaged; the rest a costly burden hard +to maintain on the dwindled income left to him out of the wreck. +There remained, also, his pictures, and Martino's prophecy of leaping +into fame. How wise, beyond expecting, had been his undutiful +decision! Jane herself must admit that; if not now, at least by the +summer's end, when the Ramayāna series would be near +completion. A special exhibition of them, should the subject happen +to "catch on," would at least help towards paying off the mortgage +that withheld him from full mastery of his own. + +But here a fresh dilemma tripped him up. Clearly it seemed his duty +to remain at home for the present, to inaugurate in person the new +_régime_. And behind the sense of duty lurked a natural longing to +share this new possession with Lilamani, to install her here as +Queen. Yet he had given his word to her, and to her father, that +this more critical phase of her transplanting should not be hastily +carried out; and well he knew that the time was not yet ripe for her, +or for Jane, the unappeased; possibly the unappeasable. + +For although the public ordeal was over, the private ordeal had yet +to come. Not until this morning had she reverted to the subject of +his marriage. Throughout the week he had discerned a touch of +sisterly fellow-feeling beneath her chain-mail. But the revelation +in her father's last letter rankled sore; and this morning, when she +requested a word or two with Nevil after breakfast, there could be no +mistaking the repressed hostility in her tone. She supposed that +since he had married to please himself, and was thoroughly satisfied +with the arrangement, he would now see fit to announce the fact. +Distressing though it was, to conceal it any longer might give a bad +impression; and it had occurred to her that this afternoon, when they +would all be together for tea in the large hall, would be a suitable +time. + +"A detailed confession of what you are pleased to consider my +delinquency, in full family conclave? Is that the programme?" he +asked, frowning, and looking out across the lawn where a solitary +blackbird pranced and piped, serenely indifferent to everything but +worms. + +"Put it that way, if you like," she answered with composure. "I +merely meant it would be as well that you should tell your news in +person, before the boys and Uncle Bob go away. I haven't even +mentioned it yet to Ned." + +"Very considerate of you!" said Nevil in an even tone. "Ned" was +Lord Roscoe, a milder, less formidable person than his wife; and +Nevil, seeing her determination to make things hard for him, denied +her the satisfaction of knowing how well she was succeeding. + +"I'm quite ready, when they are," he had concluded casually, as he +left her. + +And now--he knew that they were ready; very much ready--and that he +was not. + +They had been marshalled into the large hall, nine of them; for the +Sinclairs were a clannish family, and those who did not live in or +near London had stayed on a few days at Jane's request. While he +flagrantly kept them waiting, Nevil pictured them all discussing him +in subdued tones; mildly curious; and thankful, in secret, for +something fresh to think of; though none but Christina would honestly +have confessed the fact. + +From all save her he anticipated disapproval, if not hostility. She +and he had sat up till midnight in the study one evening and had +talked it all out. He had shown her the big carbon photo of his +portrait and converted her into a hot partisan. But of the rest +there was little hope: his two brothers, well-groomed, conventional +types of the professions they adorned; George's fiancée, Phillippa +Weston--commonly called Phil; Miss Julia Sinclair, cultured, within +due limits, and devoted to good works; Sir Robert Sinclair, a leading +light of the Foreign Office, lately retired, and his wife, Lady +Margaret, daughter of a Scottish peer, mannered, suave, unimpeachably +correct. Beyond these remained only Jane herself, Lord Roscoe--a +sound Conservative, though too purely a student and a philosopher to +approve his wife's vehement party-spirit; and Jeffrey Moss, Vicar of +Bramleigh, a second cousin once removed. For the Bramleigh living +was in the Sinclairs' gift, and it behoved them to "keep it in the +family." Nevil suspected that Sunday's casual invitation for Tuesday +had been given with this event in view; a suspicion that did not +allay his repressed irritation or facilitate the task in hand. + +Not all his loyalty to Lilamani could make so public a confession, +other than distasteful to a man of Nevil's temperament. His very +insight put him at a disadvantage. He understood these Sinclairs far +better than they understood him. He could see the thing through +their eyes; could gauge to a nicety their half-nervous, +half-resentful attitude towards the abnormal, more especially when +that particular devil entered into a pillar of the house. + +He drew out his watch and whistled softly. In common decency he +could keep away no longer; and passing through the great domed +conservatory, he entered the large hall. + +Sir Robert--thick-set and slightly convex, with clipped beard and +pince-nez perched at an inquiring angle--dominated the hearth-rug, by +instinct, though no fire justified his attitude. The rest made +dismal black patches about the room; and Jane stood at the heavy +gate-leg table, dispensing tea. Her eyes challenged Nevil's as he +entered. He returned her look without flinching; greeted the Vicar +and joined Sir Robert on the hearth-rug. + +"Well, my lad, we've been wondering what had come to you," said the +leading light of the Foreign Office; and a heavy hand on Nevil's +shoulder, acutely reminiscent of Sir George, sent a pang through his +son's heart. "Where've you been--eh?" + +"Strolling round the place. Taking things in," Nevil answered in a +level tone, so unusual with him that Christina looked up; and Sir +Robert remarked, as one who makes a discovery: + +"A goodly heritage, boy." + +His nephew nodded absently, one hand stroking and twisting his +moustache, a gesture Christina knew of old. + +"Tea, Nevil?" from Jane. + +"Please." + +He roused himself; fetched it, and made room for his cup among a +crowd of small bronzes on the mantelpiece: pheasants, dogs, foxes, +and others. They had been a weakness of his father's; and most of +them were his own boyish gifts. + +While he displaced them thoughtfully, an under-current of talk +revived between Lord Roscoe and the Vicar, George and Miss Weston. + +Then fell the question he dreaded. It was Sir Robert again: Chairman +of the Committee, thought his disrespectful nephew, in half-amused +irritation. + +"Well, Nevil, what's the great secret you've got up your sleeve? +Jane's been making us curious. Good news, I hope. We need it." + +"The best possible news, so far as I'm concerned," Nevil answered, +not without a hint of defiance. Dread confession as he might; to +apologize, even remotely, for Lilamani, was an insult nothing should +induce him to offer her. "The fact is--while I was abroad I got +married." + +"The devil you did!" Sir Robert's amazement rippled round the room +in a broken murmur. "That's news indeed! Nothing like marriage to +check your craze for continental life. Money--I hope? The Place +calls for it. But what have you done with the lady? She ought to be +here." + +"She ought; I admit; if the circumstances were normal. But--they're +not." + +"Eh--what's that? Not normal?" Sir Robert peered distressfully over +his nippers at the two girls. "What the deuce have you been up to +now, Nevil? Don't tell me you've married a variety actress, or a +foreigner?" + +"I suppose you want the truth," Nevil said, sipping his tea. "My +wife happens to be an Indian girl; a Hindu of very good family, +cultivated, beautiful----" + +"But--but--good Lord! A native! Good Lord!" Sir Robert broke in +testily, his dismay echoed by minor explosions from Harold and +George; while Miss Sinclair dropped her knitting with a gasp. She +rather prided herself on being broad-minded; had lately called on two +Romanists in her neighbourhood, and found them "really quite +estimable people--up to their lights----" But a Hindu! And poor +George's son----! + +"Perhaps--a converted Hindu, dear Nevil?" she ventured, dreading an +outburst from her hot-tempered brother at a moment when even raised +voices jarred her sense of fitness and decorum. + +"No. She's not converted. Nor likely to be," Nevil answered bluntly. + +"But, dear boy, surely it would be possible to----? Our good Jeffrey +is so convincing; and Hindus, I have always heard, are remarkably +intelligent and open to reason----" + +"Yes, Aunt Julia. My wife is quite remarkably intelligent." A spark +of the Sinclair temper flashed in Nevil's eyes, and lent an edge to +his quiet tone. "She knows the Bible better than some of us do; and +religion means a great deal more to her than to the average +Christian----" + +"Come, come, Nevil! No blasphemy----" Sir Robert interposed with +repressed heat. + +"Blasphemy, Uncle? I am stating a fact; and I want to make it clear +that there will not be any call for Jeffrey's good offices, when I do +see fit to bring my wife home." + +"You mean to bring her _here_, then? A heathen Lady Sinclair, under +your father's roof?" + +"Certainly. In time. What else?" + +"The devil knows what else! Thank God George has been spared +_this_," he added, lowering his voice. Then he swung round sharply. +"What do you think of your brother's madness, Jane?" + +"I have told Nevil quite frankly what I think," said she. "Outside +his own infatuation, there can be no two opinions on the subject." + +But such arrogant assumption of certainty was too much for Christina, +who, for Nevil's sake, had repressed herself valiantly so far. Now +she leaned forward, defiance in her eyes. + +"There _can_ be two opinions, outside infatuation. Because there's +mine. I don't want to seem impertinent, but I never thought you +would all be so narrow-minded, so insular----" + +"Be quiet, Kit," sharply, from Jane. "You _are_ impertinent; and +your opinion goes for nothing." + +"Doesn't it, indeed? I'm not so sure," quoth the nineteenth-century +rebel, less easily quenched than her of the eighties. + +In vain she tried to catch Nevil's eye. He had half turned his back, +and was rearranging the small bronzes, seemingly indifferent to the +tea-cup tempest. But Christina knew better. She longed to hit out +furiously at them all; or to get up and throw her arms round his +neck. But again she knew better. + +"More tea, George?" came the voice of Jane, the inexorable. + +Captain Sinclair handed his cup, and Lord Roscoe went quietly out. +As a peace-loving man, family dissensions offended his taste, and a +certain look in Jane's eyes was always a signal for retreat. A +glance over his shoulder drew the Vicar after him. Lady Margaret, +bored and a little disgusted, followed in their wake. Phillippa +glanced tentatively at her lover, who was scowling into his tea-cup; +and she, being young and curious, kept her seat. + +Then Sir Robert--seeing that nothing remained but to accept the +lamentable fact--said with less heat: "Well, Nevil, your minor +eccentricities have been a joke to this one. But since you've tied +yourself for life to an Asiatic, there's no more to be said. A civil +marriage, I suppose?" + +"Yes." + +"And may we be allowed to know your immediate plans?" + +"I must return to Italy as soon as things are more or less in order. +Probably the end of this week." + +"And shut up the Beeches?" + +"Why not? But as George is on leave, he might as well put in his +time here and see to things a bit. Jane, I know, considers him a +good deal fitter for that sort of thing than myself." + +"Thanks, old chap. Awfully good of you." George's tone suggested +sarcasm. "Leave you free to devote yourself to the enchantress--eh?" + +"I'm hard at work on a series of pictures," Nevil answered, +addressing his uncle and ignoring the thrust. "I hope to exhibit +them this winter. I've done one since my marriage of which Signor +Martino thinks very highly." + +"The picture you wrote of?" asked Jane. + +"No. That was her portrait. I gave it to her father." + +"H'm." + +This was more than Christina could stand. "He's got a ripping big +photo of it upstairs," she broke out eagerly. "You ought to see it. +Nevil, really they ought. Mayn't I fetch it?" + +"Yes, if you like," he answered indifferently, chilled to disgust by +their reception of his news. + +Miss Sinclair glanced up, mildly expectant: + +"Dear Nevil, I am so glad there is a picture----" Devotion to the +entire family tree, even unto the remotest tips of its many branches, +was a part of her creed. Hindu or no, by some means she must manage +to assimilate this new niece. + +Christina reappeared in no time, lifting her trophy high, for all to +see, and a murmur of reluctant admiration went round the room. + +Miss Sinclair held out a hand. "Let me look at it closer, dear. My +sight is not what it was." + +She looked closer and her brown eyes grew wide. "Why, Nevil, she is +really beautiful! And this is your work?" + +"Yes." + +"No wonder your Italian friend thinks well of it. Remarkable. Look, +Robert." + +"H'm. Very good-looking. Quite life-like. You've come on +extraordinarily, Nevil, I must say." + +"Yes. Thanks to my wife. Leseppes, the great French painter and +critic, expects me to make a name. Lucky--as things stand--that I +did take up art seriously. Bramleigh Beeches needs the shekels, eh, +Jane?" + +"Very much so. If they ever come in," she answered, her gaze fixed +searchingly on the new Lady Sinclair's face. "This is promising. +Very. It's your staying power I doubt." + +Without further comment, she passed the picture on to George; who +glanced at it half in disdain; then whistled softly. + +"My word, but she's a beauty! Trust Nevil! What age, old chap?" + +"Eighteen," said Nevil, jarred by a savour of the stable in his +brother's tone. But George, serenely unobservant, added, with the +experienced sagacity of four years' service in India: "M', yes. From +seventeen to twenty native girls are about as alluring as they make +'em, even the commoner sort. The deuce of it is they're middle-aged +by thirty. Run to flesh, and----" + +"Damn you, shut up!" Nevil flashed out, losing control of himself at +last. + +"Nevil--dear!" she protested in dismay; and Christina, snatching away +the photo, muttered wrathfully: "Upon my word, George! You are a +beast!" + +"Sorry, Nevil," the delinquent remarked grudgingly. "I was only +telling you the truth." + +"It's not the truth--altogether. The--the premature ageing is +chiefly the country; their feeding; their way of life. It doesn't +follow that Lilamani----" + +"Lila--which?" from Harold, who had been more amused than otherwise +by what he privately dubbed "a family scrap." + +"Lilamani," Nevil repeated with quiet emphasis, and was thankful that +just then Sir Robert emerged abruptly from his reflections. + +"Look here, my dear boy. I'm still in a fog. You haven't told us +yet how this incredible affair came to pass." + +"Another time, Uncle Bob," replied Nevil, unfeigned weariness in his +tone. "I've had about all I can put up with at a sitting." + +At that Jane rose, decision in every square inch of her. + +"If you don't mind, I'll ask you to go now. Nevil and I must finish +talking this out alone." + +"Quite so, my dear; quite so," fussily, from Sir Robert. "Whatever +you think best." + +And they went. + +Then Jane turned to her brother. + +"Now, Nevil." + +"Well? What?" + +Both spoke quietly; yet it was as if a pair of duellists had +unsheathed swords. + +"How can you talk calmly of returning to Italy this week, when you +know quite well that your rightful place is here?" + +"Of course it is. If there were not very good reasons for my being +elsewhere--just now. My rightful place, if it comes to that, +is--with my wife." + +"And she refuses----?" + +Nevil smiled, in spite of himself. + +"If you knew her, even slightly, you wouldn't ask such an absurd +question. It is I who refuse to bring her here--yet. In the first +place, if Martino isn't quite misguided, the set of pictures I am +working at should be worth more to Bramleigh Beeches than my presence +here this summer; and I want to get them done, or nearly done, in the +right atmosphere. Then----" he hesitated. "You may as well have it +straight. I refuse point-blank to bring my wife to her future home +till I have clear proof that she will be decently received by you and +all the rest of them." + +It was Jane's turn to hesitate. + +"What--precisely do you mean by that?" she asked without looking at +him. + +"I mean kindly, affectionately. Just as you would receive Miss +Weston if George were in my place." + +"My dear Nevil, there's a difference! You ask a good deal----" + +"I don't ask. I am stating conditions." + +"And suppose the conditions--fail to satisfy you?" + +"I am supposing," he answered coldly, "that my relatives, even if +narrow and prejudiced, are at least human beings; that they +will--later, if not now--give the woman, who is to fill my mother's +place, a fair chance of proving that she too is human, lovable, +admirable---- Good Lord, Jane," he broke out, maddened past +endurance by her chill antagonism. "If I'd married a Hottentot or an +American negro, I could excuse you. But I presume even you will +acknowledge that there's some racial connection between Indians and +Europeans, which makes all the difference in the world." + +Jane drew herself up. + +"Of course I see that, Nevil. I may be prejudiced. I'm not +ignorant. It's quite bad enough, in any case. But after all--we +gain nothing by recriminations. And as this child of eighteen will +be virtually the head of the family, we can but make the best of her." + +"Make her _feel welcome_," Nevil corrected, with emphasis. "Write to +her before she comes." + +"Yes. If you wish it. One can say the usual polite things. Kit, at +least, can say them honestly. Does she read English with ease?" + +"She's as well-read as Christina." He drew out his letter-case and +handed her--not without reluctance--Lilamani's June Love-Song. "She +wrote that." + +Jane read it, with raised brows: evidently impressed; though so +unrestrained an outpouring of "sentiment" was, in her view, almost +indecent. + +"Talented. And very devoted," she said in a changed tone, handing it +back. "I'll write to her, Nevil--later on, as nicely as I can." + +But her brother, though mollified, was still sore from the +afternoon's ordeal, which was her doing. + +"It's just as well you should write her a decent letter or two, +Jane," said he with a direct look, not to be misread. "Considering +all things, you owe that much, at least, to her--and to me." + +For once in her life Jane Roscoe was quite put out of countenance; +and before she could recover herself--Nevil was gone. Four days +later he left for Italy: for Lilamani, and the Ramayān +pictures--and peace. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + "In two little rooms my heart divides, + Joy, wide awake, in one resides, + While slumbering Sorrow in the other hides. + Oh, Joy, sing gently in thy glee, + Lest Sorrow wake through hearing thee." + HEINE. + + +The Lake of Como in July is only for the native born; or for banished +Lilamanis, who rejoice alike in the heat and the absence of vagrant +humanity. But for all Sir Lakshman's fatherly indulgence, that +fortnight had seemed to the bird with one wing the longest two weeks +in her life. + +While irate and bewildered Sinclairs were passing their parochial, +though not unnatural judgment upon her, she lay alone in the night, +wondering sore whether "That Terrible" were trying to wean her lord +from his "foolish passion beyond control of reason." His letters +were full of tender devotion: but when night came, the spirit of Jane +prevailed. That haunting sentence pricked her like a thorn left +under the skin, and would continue so to do till time should prove +things definitely one way or another. But by day she smiled bravely, +because her father must not guess; and, as often happens, in sowing +courage, she reaped happiness--of a kind. + +Sir Lakshman, intent on distracting her thoughts, had lured her into +excursions up and down the Lake, and even across to Lugano. Then, in +the quiet of their chalet, they had enjoyed an informal reversion to +the "studies" of early days, peculiarly welcome to the man, who by +rights, should have been back in India weeks ago. But the lure of +the West, that grew in him with the years, was intensified now by the +wish to remain within reach of his child. Stifling the voice of +conscience, therefore, he had secured leave for a longer stay, and +had written smooth things to Mataji, who tyrannized triumphantly in +his absence, yet hated, with a vitriolic hate, the unseen power that +took him oftener and oftener from her side. And, in a sense, she was +justified of her hate: she--mother of his sons, controller of his +household, guardian of his immortal soul, whose after-fate he +imperilled year upon year by these futile journeys across the "black +water," with its mysterious power to defile. Loyal though he was to +his own Motherland, the Big Mother drew him, as she draws all who +drink of the well of knowledge; drew him into the vortex of that +unresting flux, which, while satisfying desire--of mind and body, if +not of soul--recreates it at every turn. Multiplicity of +desire--that is the Alpha and Omega of our mercurial civilization, +that runs ceaselessly to and fro, in quest of fresh stimulant, fresh +satisfaction of a hunger that grows by what it feeds on. Hence the +insidious danger of Western education for the keen brain and sensuous +nature of the East. + +After the dazzling complexity and movement of Paris and London, the +fundamental simplicity of Indian life beneath all its barbaric +splendour, is apt to lack flavour; and though, in a sense, discontent +may be divine, it does not touch all spirits to fine issues. +Unhappily for awakening India the average result hitherto is sterile +dissatisfaction; time and money spent out of the country; home duties +left undone. That the exceptions are most often brilliant +exceptions--doubly endowed, with the wisdom of the East by heritage, +and the knowledge of the West by acquisition--does not disprove the +critical nature of the ordeal. Sir Lakshman--himself a brilliant +exception--was yet, in some ways, a less satisfactory working force +in the great native state he served, than men of half his ability +whose hearts and minds were not torn between opposing interests and +beliefs. As a husband, also, he wearied increasingly of the +dissonance inherent in a house divided against itself: a dissonance +that makes the home-life of the "England-returned" one of the saddest +features of a progress-at-any-price age. But, when all is said of +drawbacks and dissonance, there remains the existence of a real +Indian renaissance, working, like all true growth, from within +outward, to what ultimate end who shall prophesy--as yet? + +In Sir Lakshman's home, the daughter after his own heart had been the +main redeeming feature; and, bereft of her, he came near to dreading +return. The fortnight she found so long had, for him, been all too +short. + +It was over now. To-night the man who had robbed him of his treasure +would return to claim his own. To-morrow he supposed he must be +gone. But Lilamani would not hear of that. Nevil would surely have +much to ask him of the Ramayāna pictures. He need not think +to escape so easily! + +Would she not like to go over and meet her lord, he asked, the little +station of Menaggio--or even at Lugano. But she shook her head; eyes +darkly shining; and he understood. This meeting, after long absence, +was a thing too charged with sacred emotion to take place anywhere +but in their garden of dreams. Let her have patience, only a little, +and he would come in the Hour of Union--their veriest hour; even as +the sun, husband of earth, descends after the day's work to meet her +at the time of sleep. + +And so it was. In the Hour of Union, he came. Sitting on the +balcony they sighted the little white boat afar off. She fluttered a +handkerchief, leaning over the rails; and he, standing up recklessly, +waved his hat. + +Down she sped into the garden, and there awaited him in a shadowed +corner near the bench where he had won her back to life and love. +She heard the keel kiss the shore; saw the slim, alert figure--dark +now, because of his loss--hurrying up the slope with long strides. + +Then, as he sighted her--his low call: "Lilamani"; and her throbbing +answer: + +"King of me. I am here." + +The rest was sacred to themselves and the unheeding stars, that +trembled into life one after one, while they two lingered, heart +against heart, humanly loath to let the good minute go. + +"Darling, did it seem so long?" + +"Endless ages--to me, waiting. For you it was different. So much to +think, to do--to suffer." She stroked the dark sleeve of his coat. +"But now--all is past. Come in the little nest. Father will be +waiting us. He is saying he must go to-morrow. But we will not push +him away first minute, will we?" + +"Of course not. He likes the picture?" + +"Yes. He is so pleased over all. Not sorry now for trusting me to +English husband! Oh--and Nevil, he will tell you--such a plan! I +hope you agree." + +"Something to do with you?" + +"Yes, yes. With all three." + +"Come on then. Let's hear it. I couldn't refuse you anything +to-night--Lady Sinclair!" + +But having brought father and husband together, she left them "to +talk the plan" at leisure. She herself had inevitably some +mysterious dish on hand in honour of her lord's return. + +Sir Lakshman greeted his son-in-law with genuine, if restrained +friendliness, and regret for his loss; regret privately increased by +a natural anxiety as to its effect upon his daughter's immediate +future. They spoke for a while of Sir George, of the crippled +estate, of Nevil's prospects as artist and landowner. Then came the +crucial question. + +"You ought now to remain in England, and look after this home of your +ancestors?" + +"Yes---I believe I ought," Nevil answered, pensively twisting his +father's signet-ring. + +"Then you came back only to fetch Lilamani, and other belongings?" + +Nevil's direct look put the Hindu out of countenance. + +"Sir Lakshman, I gave you my word." + +"H'm. The word of an Englishman. I should have known. But +remember, Nevil, I have had dealings with all kinds of humans. Even +the Englishman is not immaculate! And men of all races, desiring +some great gift, are ready for big promises that afterwards they may +conveniently forget." + +Nevil smiled. + +"True enough. But I think you may trust me, sir. Not that I'm any +better than the rest. Only--I love my wife a deal too well to run +risks with her happiness." He flushed awkwardly in making the +confession; adding, yet more awkwardly: "A man doesn't speak of such +things. But I do want to give you confidence in me." + +"That I have more and more; especially since these days spent alone +with her. And--your family----?" + +Nevil, not unprepared, looked steadily out of the window. + +"My elder sister will write and make her welcome--and be good to her, +though they won't have much in common. My younger sister--more like +myself--is longing to know her. My brothers are seldom at home. +They all admired her picture. Then--there is Mrs. Despard----" + +"Yes. That is good. She understands like few of your race. And you +mean to return--by what time?" + +"Not till the summer's over--they're having a wretched one at +home--and my new picture's nearly done. But what's the great plan +she spoke of that concerns all three of us?" + +"Ah, that----" Sir Lakshman's face lit up. "Since I do not now sail +till September, I was thinking how delightful if you and she shall +come only to Egypt. There we shall all spend a week together. Then +I go on by next mail; you returning same time--if you will. You have +seen Egypt?" + +"No. I should like it of all things, only----" renewed awkwardness +here--"I must think it over. I believe we might manage." + +But Sir Lakshman, guessing his thought, took him kindly by the arm. + +"You do not quite take my meaning, Nevil. It is not for you to +manage. The plan is mine altogether. My parting gift--you may call +it--to my child. For her it will be greatest pleasure imaginable. +For myself--I need not say! And you--with these bold pictures in +your brain--though Egypt is much different from India, yet how +excellent to feel for yourself the spirit--what you artists call +atmosphere--of the East. Now--you will come?" + +"Thank you, sir. It'll be splendid. Lilamani will love it, of +course----" A minute prick of apprehension checked him. Would she +love it more than he quite cared about? How would it affect him to +see his Eastern wife among Easterns, even though not her own people? + +He thrust the disturbing questions aside; and Sir Lakshman, not +enlightened this time, added: "Of course, in September it will still +be hot. But that you would not mind?" + +"Not a bit." + +Vaguely disconcerted, he strolled over to his easel, and they talked +Ramayāna till the door of the shrine opened softly, and a +mother-o'-pearl Lilamani, with the buckles of Antibes on her shoes, +stood looking from one to the other with questioning eyes. + +It was to Nevil she spoke. + +"Have you planned the plan? Is it real and true?" + +"As real and true and delightful as you are, little wife!" he +answered, smiling; and in the quaint young fashion that he loved, she +clapped her small hands lightly, without sound. + + +Sir Lakshman stayed three days longer; and the pain of parting was +alleviated by visions of "the plan." On the Sunday that followed, +Nevil asked a question that surprised his wife. + +"Lilamani, would you mind much if I deserted you this morning, and +went to church?" + +"To church?" She could only regard him in open-eyed amazement; and +he smiled, a queer, half-sad smile, unusual with him. + +"Well, darling? Did you think your Christian husband was a rank +unbeliever?" + +"Oh, Nevil! Please not say such things. But--I could not help from +wondering--did you ever----" + +The words would not come; and he, slipping an arm round her, gently +kissed her cheek. + +"Dear little saint! I did--and I do," he assured her none too +lucidly: yet she understood. "The trouble with our religion nowadays +is that, being a live thing, it is growing and changing its form like +all other live things: breaking through husks, throwing out new +leaves. But the Church says: No. The one ancient form must be kept +sacred from all change, like an embalmed mummy. And in consequence, +many thinking Christians have little use for Church, however honestly +they believe in the things that matter. You understand?" + +"I do," she answered thoughtfully. "Same with us. It is always so +with priests. Nevil--I would like to hear more." + +"That you shall. Another time. It would need a long talk and rather +a deep one, if I'm to make things clear. But you mustn't doubt my +belief in the Great Unseen; and now will you spare me to go and +worship Him in my own fashion?" + +"Yes. I am so pleased----" She spoke without looking up; and there +fell a pause. + +"Well--what more?" he asked, regarding her with a quizzical +tenderness. + +"Only ... I am shy to ask ... is it quite beyond Possible ... that I +come also?" + +"You? My dear little wife! Will you?" + +"If--if it would not make shock to the Christian Peoples?" + +"I think the Christian peoples might survive it!" he answered, +kissing her again. "There won't be half a dozen at this time of +year." + +"And I can hide all Hindu-ness with my cloak and hood. Oh, Nevil--I +hardly believe! I never thought----" + +"No more did I!" He pushed her gently toward the door. "Hurry up, +little woman. We've none too much time." + +So Sir Nevil and Lady Sinclair rowed across to the little English +Church at Cadenabbia; and if the Christian peoples were pricked to +undue curiosity by the veiled and hooded, figure in a pew near the +door, the subject of their scrutiny was lifted beyond all +consciousness of the fact. To-day the presence of others troubled +her not at all. For to-day, by her husband's wish, she was +privileged to worship, with him, that Great One, that "Brilliance at +the core of Brilliance," whose diverse names and forms are but the +manifold garments of His revealing. + +The handful of "Christian peoples," hypnotized by ceaseless +repetition, found the service, with its scanty music and unimpressive +sermon, a rather lifeless affair. But to one privileged "heathen" it +seemed a thing of beauty and awe. The church itself, plain and +unpretentious, like most of its kind abroad--had yet its pervasive +atmosphere of sanctuary, above all in the region of the +altar--shrine, she named it--where the white-robed figure, tall +candlesticks and sober embroideries were glorified by sun-rays +streaming through stained glass. + +As for the simple hymns and chants--it was her first hearing of organ +music, and the deep-toned reverberations set all her sensitive nerves +a-thrill. The hidden magician--bald and spectacled--chose for +voluntary a stately Largo by Beethoven; and Lilamani's hand, slipping +into her husband's, kept him seated till the last note shuddered +through the empty church. + +Then they went forth into the blaze of noon, and rowed homeward, too +deeply and diversely stirred for common speech. Only once he +intercepted her brooding gaze and asked, smiling: + +"Well, does our fashion of worship please you?" + +"Yes. It is more simple--more solemn than ours. It speaks to the +soul." + +Her husband's smile had a touch of envy. He had not found it so. + +"Some day I will take you to a really great service in our Abbey," he +said; and the promise wafted her on a dream-journey that only ended +when the keel touched ground. + +A small event; yet of no small significance in an experiment more +vital and far-reaching than they two, in their charmed seclusion, had +quite recognized as yet. That first church-going led to others, at +intervals; led also to more intimate talk of the "big-little things"; +a strengthening of links for the long after-strain of marriage. + +For the rest, throughout the blazing stillness of July and August, +they dwelt in an atmosphere of ordered peace, as needful to artistic +achievement as emotion and experience to artistic conception. And it +was just this absorption in a subject quite outside themselves that +saved them from those lavish overdrafts on the emotions that are the +peculiar danger of honeymoon conditions indefinitely prolonged. They +talked Ramayāna, read Ramayāna, and lived +Ramayāna, without fear that either could weary of the +obsession. Sir Lakshman's treasures from India supplied fresh fuel +for the divine fire, that burned clearer and stronger as the bold +pictures came to life under Nevil's hand. Martino--vindictively +jealous of all who trespassed on his sacred sea and sky--could +rejoice whole-heartedly in the growing vigour and beauty of his +friend's work. His monologues became more volcanic; his prophecies +more extravagant. He spent more time in Nevil's studio than in his +own; now and again bringing a brother artist to confirm his verdict, +lest it seem mere partiality to the man who felt himself in the grip +of a power greater than he knew. + +Outside the pictures, worked at day by day and dreamed of at night, +their only events were constant letters from Sir Lakshman and rarer +ones from the house of Sinclair. Christina, zealous to atone for +Jane, wrote in genuine sisterly fashion to her "dearest Lilamani," +regretting that she must be back in Germany by October, not to return +again for good till early spring. And Jane wrote also; kindly--yet +with a difference, which "the Hindu child" was not considered capable +of detecting. But she did. She discovered, also, that, while she +had supposed herself to be obeying Nevil in regard to that first +letter, it had in truth so tinctured all her thoughts of Lady Roscoe, +that mere sight of the square handwriting awakened a fierce +antagonism, personal and racial, that boded ill for the days to come. +Between the formal phrases of welcome her quick spirit caught flashes +of the two-edged sword. Yet, for Nevil's sake, she must seem +convinced; must even devise an answer, not too carefully studied, +lest he suspect. What the writing of it cost her, he never knew. +Nor did he know how, when it was written, she tore Jane's compulsory +welcome across and across; then burned the pieces one by one in her +brick oven, holding them in her dwarf tongs; watching them curl and +blaze with a gleam of primitive hate in her eyes that her husband +must never see. Could he have seen it, he might have thought twice +about taking his wife home at all. + +As it was, Lilamani's answer pleased him; and the ardour of +work--that, for the moment, eclipsed all else--flowed over the +incident, as the rising tide over a rock that will rear its head anew +in the time of shallows. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + "Naught is done that has not seeds in it." + MORLEY ROBERTS. + + +For both husband and wife, as for Sir Lakshman, September arrived too +soon. Not even the lure of Egypt could make Lilamani other than +loath to leave a corner of earth saturate with memories, sacred and +imperishable as her love itself: and to Nevil, as the time drew near, +there returned that faint prick of apprehension for which he hated +himself the more because he could not disregard it altogether. But +Lilamani on the sea was a revelation enchanting enough to banish all +forebodings for a time; and present content was deepened by the +knowledge that--conceit apart--he had achieved a remarkable summer's +work. + +In the seven weeks following on his return, three more pictures had +been added to Sita in the hut: her first pleading with +Rāma--that, as a portrait of Lilamani, excelled his study at +Antibes; the setting forth of the three; and the abduction of Sita by +Ravān. The completion of each had bred a larger confidence, +a deeper understanding of the great subject chosen and inspired by +his wife: while into the fourth he had infused a strange mingling of +beauty and terror that at once amazed him and fired his ambition to +bolder flights. A fifth picture, even, had been started: Sita, +broken with grief, in the garden of Asoka, while she-fiends, on guard +among the high enclosing bushes, leered at her through the dusk; +their hideous shapes, half human, half bestial, grimly suggested +rather than seen. They had given Lilamani nightmares; and her +self-identification with Sita had so wrought upon her nerves, that +she was not sorry to escape from the haunting nearness of +Ravān and his myrmidons, for a time. + +With Nevil it was otherwise. To tear himself from easel and canvas +and the idea that dominated him was a greater wrench than he would +have credited six months ago. But, in this crowning summer of his +life, a very rage of work possessed him; a spontaneous flow of +inspiration, not to be denied. It was as if all the thwarted and +dammed up energies of those priceless years between twenty and +thirty, having at last found their natural outlet, would give him no +rest till they had atoned, in some measure, for achievement +stultified and opportunities lost. + +Happily for Lilamani, she herself was the mainspring of her husband's +inspiration; while her absorption in his subject and her Eastern +capacity for long spells of stillness made her an invaluable asset to +his actual work. And afar, on the horizon of his golden present, the +promise of the future glowed like a lamp. In Egypt he looked to +imbibe large draughts of the colourful East; not in the +self-conscious, notebook-and-pencil fashion of the journalist, but +with all his creative fervour in abeyance, that the receptive +faculties might have full play. Then, returning by Brindisi, they +would spend a last fortnight in their land of enchantment before +putting the Great Experiment to its ultimate test. + +It had already been arranged that "Dreaming" should make its +appearance in the Goupil Gallery at an autumn exhibition of English +painters; and Martino looked that this picture alone should bring +Sinclair's name into notice among the elect; thus preparing the way +for his bold design of showing the Sita series independently when +complete. Pamphlets, giving a brief outline of the Epic, should be +supplied to all-comers, with a special description of each chosen +scene; and Martino himself would brave the unspeakable English +climate that he might have the pride and pleasure of inaugurating the +Unique Event! Even Leseppes, prince of egoists, had shown keen +interest in the new venture and promised a flying visit to Cadenabbia +before Sinclair left. + + +With such stimulating visions and a radiant Lilamani for company, +Nevil paid small heed to the whisper of apprehension during the brief +voyage from Brindisi to Cairo; and through the first few days of +varied and leisurely sightseeing, he strove loyally to convince +himself that all was well. But upon the fourth day conviction went +to pieces. Too late he recognized the wisdom of his instinctive +recoil from Sir Lakshman's plan. + +Hitherto he had seen the East through Lilamani's eyes, veiled and +glorified by her idealism. Now he saw it in the fierce unsparing +glare of its own sunlight; saw, too, how potently it drew and held +the woman who had renounced it for love of him. True, it was not +India; and the familiar-looking folk in street and desert spoke an +unknown tongue. But the East, Near or Far, has its own indefinable +atmosphere; and to Nevil Sinclair it was obvious that Lilamani drank +it in as though it were the breath of life. An under-current of +suppressed excitement vibrated in her low voice, and glowed fitfully +in the brooding softness of her eyes. Acute consciousness of it +pricked her husband to a not unreasoning jealousy, and even checked +in a measure his own ardour of enjoyment. + +On the fourth day, in question, he found her standing at the window +of Sir Lakshman's private sitting-room, so absorbed in the street +scene below that his entrance passed unheeded. He was almost at her +elbow when she turned with a startled sound; and though her lips +smiled a greeting, he saw the gleam of tears in her eyes. + +"What is it, dear?" he asked. + +"Not anything," she replied mendaciously, for she missed the note of +sympathy in his voice. + +The touch of her fingers on his coat sleeve elicited no response; +and, after a second's hesitation, he said: "I'd sooner have the +truth, Lilamani. You're not like yourself since you came. It +excites you, upsets you, all this: perhaps--makes you regret----?" + +"Oh, Nevil! Could you think such a thing?" Her fingers closed +sharply on his arm. "Only--how can I help?--if it aches me +sometimes, with reminding of my own country, my own peoples. Even +though I cannot know their language; still, by their colour and +movement--even by smell of shops and streets--all is speaking to me +in the language of my heart. Have I made you understand?" + +"Yes--yes. It's only natural. So long as it doesn't spoil your +pleasure, I am content." + +But although he patted the hand that held him, his tone belied his +words, and he spoke looking down into the street, with its flow of +noisy, leisurely life, its blinding patches of light and clear-cut, +blue-black shadows. + +A puzzled distress and the nearness of tears kept her silent; and he, +with a muttered plea of letters to write, went out, leaving her a +shade more puzzled, more distressed. + +What was wrong? What was the nameless shadow that had come between +them, dimming the radiance of her perfect week? For the past two +days she had been vaguely aware of it; and now--his words, his +manner, so unlike himself. + +She brushed away the disturbing thought as if it were a fly that +buzzed at her ear. But even as the fly returns, after futile +circling, so the feeling came back, whenever some spontaneous +outburst on her part forced Nevil to a show of response. Months of +the real thing made her fatally quick to detect the counterfeit; and +it saddened her beyond speech. + +On the next night, when Sir Lakshman offered them another week at the +hotel after he left, Sinclair would not see the eager pleading in his +wife's face, while he thanked his father-in-law, and urged the need +of finishing the picture on hand before going home in October. Yet +after all, touched by her loyal seconding of his refusal, he stayed +on three days--and regretted it. There were moments of unreasoning, +yet invincible revulsion, when he could scarcely endure the sight of +those other Eastern women who, in a dozen trifling ways, so subtly +reminded him of his wife; robbing her, thus, of the unique quality +that was for him an essential part of her charm. True, in happier +intervals, he had absorbed much and observed much that was invaluable +to an artist who aspired to interpret the East: but it was with a +sense of undiluted relief that he trod the deck of their +homeward-bound steamer and felt the hidden heart of it throb beneath +his feet. + +Not so Lilamani. Standing alone at the taffrail, while her husband +interviewed the head-steward, she drank in every detail of the +fast-retreating coast line, as if by intensity of looking she would +stamp it for ever on her brain--that fervent and colourful East which +spoke to her so feelingly in the language of her heart. No denying +that this brief return to the atmosphere of her girlhood and the +subsequent parting with her father had brought home to her the +completeness of her own severance as nothing else could have done; +had stirred afresh the ache of longing drugged, of late, by happiness +almost beyond belief. + +Yet did she not forget the price of return; the impasse from which +her husband's love had so miraculously saved her: and even had it not +been thus, regret were unthinkable. To belong body and soul to Nevil +was, without question, the best fate that could befall a woman. +Only, at this moment of parting, a perplexing conflict of emotions so +perturbed her that when, at length, her husband came to her side, she +could not turn and greet him because of chill tears that crept down +her cheeks. + +Nevil saw them, and for the first time they moved him to irritation +rather than pity. His tone betrayed him. + +"Crying again, Lilamani? Wishing you could have gone on with your +father, I suppose, instead of having to come back with me?" + +She winced and bit her lip. "Unkind to speak so," she murmured +without looking round. + +"I'm sorry. But you provoke it. You seem so heartbroken----" + +"Not that. Only--a little sad. How can I help?"--then controlling +herself, she looked up at him, smiling mistily. "But it is +foolishness. And surely--we shall come again?" + +He frowned. "I don't know. There won't be much surplus money for +pleasure trips just at present. I've a big place to keep up, you +see, and precious little to keep it on." + +"How pity," she said softly, not quite following the drift of his +last remark. + +Again the vanishing coast line absorbed her; and he, still frowning, +regarded her delicate profile in a speculative silence. Then he +turned abruptly away; and strolling down the deck, soon fell into +talk with the first officer. + +Left alone again, the tears fell faster; till, in shame at her own +weakness, and fearful of discovery, though dusk had fallen, she +stumbled blindly down to their cabin--alone. In crossing the +hatchway, she caught sight of Nevil and his companion pacing the +deck. He saw her go. She knew it. But the minutes passed and he +did not come. He was content to walk and talk with a stranger, while +she lay crying softly in the half-dark; not only because the East was +slipping farther from her with every throb of the ship's pulses, but +because the radiance of her wonderful ten days had been dimmed by a +shadow whose substance she could not divine. + +So deeply and entirely had they lived hitherto in the world of +imagination and emotion, wherein their unity was complete, that she +scarce recognized, as yet, the possibility of serious divergence. +She only knew that for near a week they had been living in a tangle +of cross purposes which she was powerless to unravel; that now, for +the first time, her tears had moved him to vexation, and he had left +her to find her way about this strange ship alone: events of no mean +significance in the early stage of marriage. But why? What harm had +she done to cause this break in his unfailing tenderness; this first +real sense of apartness from him who was more than ever her all, +since India had claimed her father? Only one answer suggested +itself. Always, at such moments, that unforgetable sentence in +Jane's letter would prick softly, like a thorn left under the skin, +reminding her--"I am here." + +By the time he came into the cabin, tears had ceased; and bending +down he kissed her flushed cheek; then, without a word, passed a +soothing hand over her hair. She caught the hand and pressed it +passionately to her lips. So, once again, comfort was restored--for +the moment. Yet still--she did not understand: and therein lay the +seeds of tragedy. + + +Egypt once out of sight things readjusted themselves insensibly, +though the effect produced on Nevil could not be lightly shaken off. +There was no more jarring irritability. But there were times when +his wife was still aware of that intangible barrier; times when he +was so absent and distrait that she felt as if the real Nevil had +slipped miles away from her and only the shell of him lay beside her +in the long deck-chair. Once, when she ventured on comment, he had +frowned as if interrupted in a train of thought, and answered that +between digesting new impressions and heavy responsibilities ahead, +he had a good deal on his mind just then: which was true, though not +the whole truth, as she was quick to divine. + +Thenceforward she kept silence. But her thoughts were less easily +bridled than speech, and during that short return voyage, she found +herself too often at their mercy. On most nights Nevil would take +her down to the cabin, and there leave her, while he himself returned +to pace the deck in troubled meditation; faintly, indefinably +alienated by a nameless something too elusive for definition; hating +himself heartily; yet temporarily at the mercy of his mood. More +than ever was he thankful for the few weeks of seclusion in store for +them at Cadenabbia. Both being hypersensitive to the spirit of +place, and of association, he relied confidently on these to restore +that completeness of harmony, of fusion, without which he scarce +dared contemplate the last great test of England and Bramleigh +Beeches. + +In this reliance they were unconsciously at one. Through the long +hours when she was supposed to be asleep, Lilamani lay listening, +instead, to the rhythmical swish-swish under her port-hole and the +heart-throbs of the ship that bore her, minute by minute, nearer to +the familiar peace of their sanctuary. There at least she had +reigned supreme; there she had been essential both to his life and +work; the woman's incurable need. There, surely, this shadow of +division, of disappointment, would pass. + +Yes, it was disappointment; that she had decided; having arrived at +her own solution of the problem in those wakeful hours; a solution +characteristic of her race. Six months a wife and yet no promise of +that other--the supreme gift, that should crown her first one, the +finding of himself. For the Eastern woman, marriage means +motherhood, or an abiding sense of failure: and the least delay in +the fulfilment of her divine mission breeds a lurking anxiety lest +the worst befall. Already it knocked softly at the door of +Lilamani's heart, and that it should visit her husband also seemed to +her the most natural thing imaginable. He too had hoped. He too was +disappointed. And although his tender consideration forbade speech +he could not hide it altogether from one who loved and understood. + +Thus she wove around his perplexing mood her primitive-womanly myth +that was leagues removed from the truth; and longed only for courage +to broach the subject, that pain might be lessened by sharing. But +the mere imagining wrought her to such agony of shyness that she knew +speech could not be between them--as yet. She could only wait--and +pray. In the meantime she hoped great things from the spirit of +peace that dwelt in their balcony, their little white boat, and their +garden of dreams. Absorbed once more in their joint enterprise, the +evil demons of vexation and disappointment must be driven out--if +only for a time. + +And it was so. The spirit of place and the very real love Nevil +Sinclair had for his wife achieved their perfect work. The mood of +aloofness vanished as though it had never been; and again, as after +the lesser interruption of Jane's letter, the ardour of work flowed +on over the incident, blotting it almost out of memory. + +Leseppes' promised visit proved a foretaste of triumphs to come. He +applauded Martino's verdict; insisted upon hearing long extracts from +the Ramayāna; and covered Lilamani with confusion by +advertising his admiration with a frankness of gaze that in her view +amounted to insolence. For himself, he enjoyed her embarrassment. +It added a provocative quality to her beauty; and to stare a pretty +woman into a crimson silence was a delectable amusement that never +palled. But of this by-play his host was unaware. He took good care +of that, and Lilamani was too shy to speak. + +For Nevil, in truth, the artist eclipsed the man. For him Leseppes +the prince of egoists, the reputed libertine, was submerged in +Leseppes the inimitable colourist, the godfather of his own lesser +gift; and the great man's words at parting exalted him as the praise +of no other living painter could have done. + +"I tell you this, _mon ami_, and I speak from wide knowledge," said +he, wringing the younger man's hand in the effusive fashion of his +race--"those pictures of yours are unique, of their kind. They have +the colour and sensuousness, the emotion and idealism of the East. +_Mon Dieu_! They shall stir the blood even of those colossal +Philistines, your own countrymen! I shall be over with Martino when +your exhibition opens." + +It was a very elated husband and wife that drank "Success to Sita" at +dinner that evening. + +"And it's all your doing--yours, my own little Sita Devi," he assured +her, silencing her protest, as it deserved. "We'll block out the +Hanuman scene to-morrow. I wish to God we could stay on here till +the whole thing was done!" + +How passionately Lilamani echoed that wish she dared not confess. +Yet a flicker of hope gleamed in her eyes as she asked: "If you are +so much wishing, Nevil--could it not be?" + +"'Fraid not. Don't tempt me, sweetheart. Jane would have a fit; and +there's a deal that needs my personal supervision. No joke playing +the double rôle of artist and impoverished landowner. But after all +its high time we started our real life together in our real home. +I've picked a capital room in the East Tower for the studio; and +we'll have one blessed fortnight all to ourselves before the new Lady +Sinclair takes the family by storm!" + +Lilamani shook her head, smiling uncertainly. "Lady Sinclair is +afraid----" + +"Afraid? Nonsense! She is going to be an unqualified success all +round!" + +His serene optimism stilled her qualms--for the moment at least. The +date of their departure was fixed; and on a golden afternoon of +October the little white boat set out for the last time. Lilamani, +crouched in the stern, elbows planted on the cushioned seat, watched +their chalet recede and dwindle till all outlines were blurred, and +in spite of herself a muffled sob betrayed her "foolishness." This +time it did not move Nevil to irritation. Balancing his sculls he +leaned forward and caressed her shoulder. + +"Why break your heart over the good days gone, beloved?" he reproved +her gently. "There are plenty more ahead; and we'll come back here +again, I promise you." + +"Yes--yes; we must come back," she murmured, choking down her tears. +But young as she was, already she began to perceive that the scheme +of life does not admit of "coming back." It is an eternal, +inexorable passing on. + + + +END OF BOOK II + + + + +BOOK III + +THE FRUIT + + + +CHAPTER I + +"Whom does love concern beyond the beloved and the lover? Yet its +impact deluges a thousand shores."--E. M. FORSTER. + + +"Lilamani! You're a moonbeam incarnate! I don't wonder Nevil went +crazy over you; and if the rest don't follow suit--in their sober +Sinclair fashion--I shall disinherit them forthwith!" + +Thus Christina, appraising her sister-in-law with Nevil's own smile +in her eyes. It was evening; and the new Lady Sinclair stood before +her cheval glass at Bramleigh Beeches arrayed for the supreme ordeal +of her marriage: a dinner-party of fourteen, all members of the clan, +save two. + +A special dress lately arrived from India had been set aside for the +critical occasion; and the pale golden sheen of it in the light of +two tall candles justified Christina's simile. Unable to mourn for +her husband's father in "English fashion," she could only forswear +the least touch of colour, to the secret regret of Neville the +artist; though Nevil the man loved her the more. He had explained +regretfully that gold was not mourning; and she that Hindu women wear +silver only on the feet; with the result that they had compromised in +borders and embroideries of palest gold like the new-risen moon. +To-night, the shimmery under-dress was shot with it; and through the +filmy _sari_ ran a network of gleaming threads, that, more closely +woven, formed the narrow border. Only the vermilion caste-mark +glowed, as always, between her brows. For jewellery--her father's +star, Nevil's pendant, and his last flagrant extravagance, a +bracelet-watch set in diamonds. + +No beautiful girl so arrayed, and blessed with a wholesome share of +vanity, could feel other than elate; and gratified by Christina's +frank approval, she answered softly with her veiled blush: + +"I shall be getting too much spoilt--if all were like you----" + +"Oh, but they're _not_ like me, poor dears!" Christina's equally +frank commiseration was far removed from conceit. "And none of them +recognize their misfortune! Still--Jane isn't half bad really; +straight and strong-minded and as common-sensible as a chest of +drawers. She's fond of Nevil too--in her queer way; and probably +wants to be fond of you. But the door of her heart is a bit rusty on +its hinges. No doubt she'll just shake hands, and ask how you like +Bramleigh; while, if she had half an ounce of real mother-feeling in +her--which she hasn't in spite of two plain children--she would take +you in her arms and kiss you straight away." + +A faint involuntary change came over Lilamani's face. + +"That I should not like at all. Though relation by marriage, I am +quite stranger--with Lady Roscoe." + +"Lady Roscoe! My dear, you _must_ call her Jane. You call me +Christina." + +"But how different! Through many letters we became like sisters +before meeting; and for me, you could never be stranger. You are too +like--like Nevil in a girl." + +Even now, racial instinct made her shy of "taking her lord's name" +before others; custom impermissible for wife or husband among her own +people, as Christina had come to know. + +"Does that make you love me very much, little Moonbeam?" she asked, +slipping an arm round the slender shoulders; and for an answer two +warm lips pressed her cheek. "It was awfully good of Nevil to give +me this quiet time alone with you two before the influx of the clan," +she went on, well content. "And I half wish I could put off going +back to Germany. But now I must fly and dress. Are you going down? +Or will you wait here for your 'lord?'" + +Lilamani did not miss the gleam of amusement in her eyes. + +"Why do you make fun for that?" she asked simply. "Does my +husband-worship seem to all English peoples--foolishness?" + +"I don't know about all English peoples! To me it seems rather +beautiful. Rather enviable. And I'm quite sure Nevil's in luck to +have picked up a wife who believes in that kind of foolishness. At +the rate we're going, they'll soon be as extinct as the dodo." + +Lilamani puckered her brows. "Extinct--gone out, is it? How pity? +But who is the dodo?" + +Christina laughed. + +"I give it up! Ask Nevil, you angelic little anachronism. Now go +down and knock the bottom out of my noble sister's condescension; and +_don't_ forget to call her 'Jane'!" + +Lilamani's answering smile did not imply acquiescence. But Christina +was gone; and soon--far too soon--Nevil would come to take her +downstairs. There she would meet face to face the woman whose +poisoned shafts of speech still pricked her heart. Knowing all, she +must yet appear unknowing. She must endure the touch of hands; the +meeting of eyes; but the touch of lips--never! For beneath her +surface gentleness throbbed the passionate, unforgiving heart of a +soldier race, strong to smite, swift to revenge. + +With a last lingering glance at her own reflection, she smiled, +sighed, and sank into a chintz-covered arm-chair, heartily wishing +the evening well over. And not this one evening alone; but the next +few days, which she must learn to call "week-end." It was her first +dinner-party; and the mere crowd of strangers dismayed her, apart +from the fact that all were her husband's relations and friends; +curious, interested, or disapproving, even as those who had come in +carriages to "inspect her" and deposit bits of pasteboard on the hall +table. + +Nevil had prepared her to the best of his ability; had sketched them +all for her, with touches of not unkindly humour; and had much to +tell her of two artist friends, Miss de Winton and Frank Norris, who +would come on the Saturday, and were eager to see the pictures +destined to establish the impression already made by "Dreaming," at +the Goupil Gallery. Jane alone, Nevil had left to his wife's +imagination; merely remarking that she was a "good woman under +chain-mail," and that Lilamani must make allowances, for his sake. + + +And now--the time was at hand. The "blessed fortnight" all to +themselves had melted like snow in a thaw. Even then, they had only +been nominally alone; and she had found it hard to hide from Nevil +how the great rambling house and its retinue of servants oppressed +her. Mrs. Lunn, Queen-Regent of the household--grown portly and +domineering in the service of her widowed master--filled Lilamani +with awe unspeakable. Her scrupulously respectful bearing was +tinctured with too perceptible a pinch of condescension toward this +"heathen chit of a child, from goodness-knows-where," whom she, Sarah +Lunn, was called upon to serve. + +"Enough to make poor dear old master turn in 'is grave; _that_ it +is!" she confided to Barnes over their nightly glass of wine in her +sanctum. "If it wasn't but what I firmly believe he'd _feel_ it, +even where he is, I'd 'a' given notice the first day I set eyes on +her." + +Barnes nodded in sympathetic comprehension. The discovery that his +astuteness was superfluous had put a severe strain on his own loyalty. + +"That's your magananimus sense o' duty all over, Mrs. Lunn! An' Sir +Nevil he may be thankful. Without you the old place 'ud fall to +racking ruin." He sipped meditatively and shook his head. "It's bin +a quare business all along. At first I thought----" No. His +thoughts on the subject would scarce bear retailing to the +Queen-Regent of all the proprieties. "Well--I _had_ me qualms. Who +wouldn't? But I own I _did_ give Sir Nevil credit for more good +sense than this 'ere fiasker amounts to." + +"Good sense, Mr. Barnes?" Mrs. Lunn's sniff expressed the +quintessence of contempt. "You, with your experience, didn't ought +to be looking for good sense from a master that wastes his time +messin' about with dirty paints, instead of tramping or riding round +the old Place natural-like, with the dogs at his heels; a master that +can't even use 'is droring-room after dinner like a gentleman; 'e's +so set on them heathen pictures of his, and that musked-up room in +the Tower." + +It was true. The great drawing-room still languished, empty and +desolate, while the misguided pair spent their evenings in the +studio, with its friendly litter of books and painting gear; its +memory-provoking atmosphere of cigarette smoke and attar of roses. +For the artist in Nevil Sinclair, having survived the barren years of +discouragement, could challenge even the sacred obligations of +heritage. It would not suffer the real man to be entirely overridden +by the thing possessed. + +As for Lilamani, that sacred hour or two of isolation in the Tower +room had come to be the crowning-point of her day; a light toward +which she moved, with a deep and conscious yearning that pervaded her +every thought, her every act. For she of the East lives in and +through the one supreme emotion with a singleness of soul scarce +credible to the many-faceted woman of the West: and despite Mrs. +Lunn's lamentations, "the old Place" inevitably absorbed more of +Nevil's time and attention than seemed good to a young wife little +used to rival interests that took him from her side. For Nevil +Sinclair, temperament or no, was at core an Englishman true to his +breed, as Lilamani to her own. Yet withal, they must contrive to be +true to each other. There lay the pith of their problem. + +There were mornings spent in the saddle with Thornbrook--land-agent +and confidential adviser; tramps through the beech-wood with Mills, +the gamekeeper; a visit from Reynolds; a call from a bachelor +landowner, who must be asked to lunch, and whose talk of bags, +coverts, and meets was pure gibberish to the "ripping little beauty," +who sat with lids downcast, praying for his departure. Worse than +all--just when she had secured Nevil to herself--were the superfluous +strangers--who "came only to look what queer kind of creature Indian +bride might be." This conviction--which at once hurt her +sensitiveness and fired her pride of race--was proof against Nevil's +most tactful denials. At this time he discovered in her a fund of +quiet, unreasoning obstinacy, unsuspected hitherto; and great was her +joy when, in pity, he revealed how she could frustrate "those +needless ones" by the magic formula "Not at Home." Thereafter she +was insatiable--when he would permit; and her childish joy in +pronouncing the shibboleth made refusal seem sheer brutality. + +Only one thing had failed them entirely: the one thing most like to +fail home-comers in an English autumn. + +In place of Italy's passionate, unfathomable blue, a shifting +greyness hung low over the tree-tops; a reservoir, it seemed, for all +the tears of all the earth. Most often Lilamani's great event, the +coming of the sun, could only be known by a stealthy, half-hearted +change from grey to a whitish pallor, through which, as daylight +grew, a moon-like disc peered, ghost-like; his passing, by a gleam in +the west, as it were a lifting of tired lids flushed a little with +weeping. Then the slow onset of dark; renewed patter of raindrops; +the unresting murmur of wind-swayed trees. Nevil Sinclair--sun-lover +though he was--could not know that for Lilamani these changed +conditions meant no mere deprivation of light and heat, but temporary +eclipse of the reigning gods of her Pantheon. Instinctively her +excommunicate soul had slipped back into the primal nature-worship of +Vedantic times; satisfying thus her racial instinct for religion, and +the deeper human need of worshipping, through the medium of the seen, +that "Great Unfading, who unseen sees, unheard hears, unthought +thinks, uncomprehended comprehends." + +And now behold temple and gods alike obliterate! Only for a time, +she hoped; yet this fresh deprivation added not a little to the +difficulty and strangeness of the new phase of wifehood she was +called upon to fulfil. She said little to Nevil; lest she seem to +disparage the cradle of his birth. Only upon the fourth day of +weeping skies and whirling leaves she had asked half in joke: "Do sun +and moon nearly always keep purdah in your England?" + +"Why, of course not!" said he, and the sympathetic note in his voice +assured her that he had not taken the question amiss. "Wait till the +autumn gales are over. Then you'll see!" + +And the very next day, as if in ratification, behold the sun-god, +smiling genially, in a clear sky, flaked with drifting cloud. She +must come for a walk, Nevil decreed, through the beech-wood and up on +to the moor. It was sodden underfoot; and Lilamani, who had never +worn boots in her life, was chary as a cat about wetting her +silver-shod feet. But Nevil--not to be gainsaid--assured her that +walking in the wet was an accomplishment all who aspired to live in +England must learn forthwith. A pair of Christina's goloshes had +been unearthed; and for near two hours they had tramped, like a pair +of happy children, through the dominion over which they were king and +queen. Through the stately beech-wood, already on fire with burnt +sienna and gold, with here and there the bronze gleam of a pheasant +among the leaves: then out on to the open moor, where the October sun +had awakened a host of midges, that danced like winged motes in his +beams; and, from tip to tip of the mummied heath-bells, undiscouraged +spiders had woven their gossamer snares, that swayed and lifted, +changefully iridescent, in the afternoon light. + +Standing silent and entranced, with the sun in her eyes, the +mother-longing had stirred in the young wife afresh; conjuring up +visions of a day when children's voices--her sons and his--should +fill moor and wood with the divinest music on earth. And he? Did he +also dream and hope? She stole a shy glance at him. But his +thoughts had gone off on a journey of their own; and he did not see. + +When at length his eyes sought hers, the transfigured light in them +thrilled him strangely. But no word was said. + +Returning, he had slipped an arm round her, secure in their vast +privacy; and they had walked home like lovers, oblivious of +everything in earth and heaven save themselves. Then, all too soon, +the house closed over them; the house with its mute reminder of +responsibilities, "needless ones," the minor tyrannies of +possession--changing them into Sir Nevil and Lady Sinclair once more. + +On the second clear day he drove with her to return the visit of a +"needless one" who plagued her with the two reiterate, unanswerable +questions that seemed a part of this particular ritual: What did she +think of England, and how did she like Bramleigh? Then on to tea +with Helen Despard, in the rambling black and white oak-panelled +bungalow, that Lilamani loved at sight, like its mistress, and +secretly preferred to the spacious desolation of her own ancestral +home. There was endlessly much to be said, when the men left them +alone: but alas, the adopted mother, on whose sympathy and help +Lilamani had reckoned, would not be long at hand. The Despards +rarely spent a winter in England; and, like Christina, they would not +be back till early spring. In this double deprivation, Lilamani saw +the malice of her outraged gods. Yet how propitiate them without +offering or penance? For her the problem was a serious one, beyond +her power to solve. + + +Thus, between work and play, between driven clouds and fitful +sunshine, their fortnight had evaporated. In spite of interruptions, +the Token scene had progressed near to completion; and no longer, in +Nevil's opinion, could the crucial "week-end" party be postponed. + +On Wednesday had come Christina--true spirit-sister, flower of purely +Western culture though she was. This afternoon had brought Sir +Robert and his wife, with "Aunt Julia," who had kissed her, a little +nervously, and called her dear child, but had failed to set her at +her ease. Then, before the arrival of the later train--bringing +George and "Phil," the Roscoes and Broome--she had pleaded headache +and fled to the solitude of her shrine, above the studio, arranged +exactly as in Italy. + +Here, in one of her Yoga moods of receptive quiet, she had striven to +still the flutter of anxiety, lest in word or bearing she should not +satisfy her lord and those he loved: excepting only "That Terrible," +whose secret antagonism, she felt convinced, would equal her own. +Nevil, divining her need, had not only refrained from seeking her +out; but had checked Christina's mistaken impulse of sisterly +kindness. + +So, for an hour or more, there had been respite; the indefinable +refreshment of solitude and silence, and, by a merciful oversight of +the gods--a blazing sunset that fired all the west. Slipping a shawl +round her shoulders, she had flung the window wide, and sat there in +a carven stillness, till eyes and brain and spirit were saturate with +the molten brilliance; till all sense of self was lost in that +miracle of fusion which only intense gazers know; till living light +faded to a dull orange-crimson that glowed beneath the curtain of +cloud like the heart of a forge seen through an open door. + +Even now, so long after, the ethereal fire seemed to glow in her +veins. But imagination makes cowards of the bravest--before action; +and detachment was hard to maintain when Nevil's footstep was at her +very door. + +She rose as he entered and stood before him; breath suspended, eyes +veiled. He had not been allowed to see the dress till now; and he +stood a moment, appraising her with a long look, felt even through +her sheltering lids. Then he came quickly forward, took her in his +arms and kissed her with a lover's fervour on lips and eyes and brow. + +"You are satisfied with your Lilamani?" she whispered, craving, +woman-like, the full meed of praise. + +"More than satisfied. She is inimitable. Come." + +Laughingly, he offered her his arm, and led her thus down the broad +shallow staircase. + +Just outside the drawing-room door he felt her hand tremble, and +pressed it against his side. "Be a plucky little wife, for my sake," +he pleaded; and they went in. + +Lilamani had an impression of a graceless figure, uncompromisingly +black, that turned as they entered, and stood still. She heard +Nevil's voice say: "Well, Jane, here she is--the new Lady Sinclair!" +She felt a hand, harder than Audrey's, close upon her own; while +Nevil, fearing that his presence would only multiply embarrassment, +passed on to where the three elders were discussing the latest +evening paper, brought by George. + +There was a moment's dead weight of silence between the two he left +behind. Opposite as the black and white they wore, they had yet one +trait in common. Both were too innately honest for surface +insincerities. Lilamani--startled by the fierce flame of hate that +had leaped in her at the touch of hands--was smitten dumb; leaving +Jane, woman of the world, to hit the happy mean between rank +hypocrisy and truth. + +"I'm so glad you're both really home at last," said she. "We were +beginning to think we should never see you in the flesh!" Her +attempt at lightness rang false; and the new Lady Sinclair's small, +polite smile was a little disconcerting. But Jane Roscoe was not the +woman to be lightly put out of countenance. + +"I suppose Nevil has shown you all round the dear old Place by this +time?" she asked conversationally. + +"Yes; so much as possible in such uncomfortable kind of weather. +With sunshine it is beautiful." + +Lady Roscoe nodded. "Autumn's a bad time, of course. Nevil should +have brought you home long ago." + +"There was too much work in Italy." + +"Was there? I'm sure he could have done it just as well here. Some +artist's fad about 'atmosphere.' Simply an excuse. He's +incorrigible over the Continent. But now we've got him into his +proper place at last, we must keep him there. We shall expect you to +use your influence!" + +The soft mouth hardened ever so little. + +"Best surely for--husband to do what he thinks right." + +Her instinctive avoidance of Nevil's name gave an air of stiffness, +of sententiousness to her small remark; and Jane flashed out with a +touch of ungovernable asperity: "A good deal depends upon the +husband. Some men have a convenient knack of thinking 'right' any +mortal thing they feel inclined to do at the moment." + +Lilamani's brows went up a fraction of an inch. + +"Have they?" she murmured with a laming indifference that effectively +tripped up the subject. + +Another dead weight of silence. Her eyes had wandered to the slim +figure on the hearth-rug, and Jane's chill antagonism was pricked to +active irritation. What an insipid little fool the girl was! And +why on earth had not Nevil insisted on a more decent show of +mourning? She herself still abjured white, except at throat and +wrists. By way of broaching the subject, she lightly fingered the +gossamer _sari_; and Lilamani needed all her self-control not to +shrink visibly from her touch. + +"Very beautiful, indeed," she said, not without a shade of +condescension. "You never wear black in India?" + +"No. Not custom. It is too sad, and too ugly with dark skin. So I +could only leave off from colour, though for me almost like breath of +life." + +It was Lady Roscoe's turn to lift her brows. She stigmatized all +such phrases as "artist's jargon," and supposed the child had caught +up, parrot-wise, scraps of her husband's tall talk. She merely said: +"H'm! I suppose you can live without it for a time--out of respect +for Nevil's loss?" + +"But naturally. What else?" Lilamani made answer with such +transparent simplicity that again Lady Roscoe had an annoying sense +of disconcertion, of being politely set at arm's length by this mere +child, who, but for Nevil's madness, had no business to be reigning +at Bramleigh Beeches at all. + +"I was suggesting thin line of black along this border," the soft +voice went on; "but--_he_ did not wish." + +"H'm!" Jane remarked afresh, and on her lips that ungracious +monosyllable had an eloquence of its own. "I can quite believe it! +He always _does_----" + +But what he always did his wife never learnt; for at this point the +door opened to admit Cuthbert Broome, who came eagerly forward, his +sailor eyes agleam. + +"Ah--there you are, my runaway bride of Antibes!" said he, enclosing +her hand in his great friendly grasp, while Lady Roscoe, to their +mutual relief, passed on. "And here's my girl, Morna, dying to make +your acquaintance." + +Morna Broome--tawny-haired and blue-eyed like her father--flushed up +to her eyebrows. "It's all father's doing," said she. "He's a great +admirer! And his enthusiasms are so infectious." + +"Yes. That I remember well!" Lilamani answered, the morsel of ice at +her heart dissolving like magic in the geniality that breathed from +both. "I cannot ever be thankful enough to your father for this most +beautiful summer in my first home." + +She bestowed on the big man a look of melting tenderness, through +which laughter gleamed; and Broome nodded down at her, well content. +Jane, watching covertly from the hearth-rug, saw that look through +the distorting glass of prejudice; and misread it altogether. + +"The harem type all over," was her thought. "Shamming shyness with +_me_--her husband's sister. But all smiles and sugar for a +man--though he's not one of US." + +For Jane, like Aunt Julia, spoke the sacred pronoun in capitals. +To-night it was Lilamani's patent duty to ingratiate herself with +Nevil's People; and she would probably spend half the evening talking +Antibes with Broome! Nevil should have coached her in advance. Just +like his casual ways! + +The three near the piano, joined by Christina, were soon engrossed in +easy, happy talk, the real Lilamani flashing out spontaneously, at +moments, in low laughter, and shy, playful sallies, to the further +confounding of Jane. Nevil--after praiseworthy efforts to discuss +Egyptian unrest with Lord Roscoe--drifted irresistibly back to the +piano, leaving the five elders regnant on the hearth-rug: immemorial +throne of the British home. + +Sir Robert had twice consulted his watch, a trifle ostentatiously, +when George and Phillippa sauntered in, serenely unhurried; and there +was only time for a brief introduction before Lord Roscoe offered +Lady Sinclair his arm. + +Phillippa's first thought was an unconscious echo of Jane's: "The +harem type all over." It is the brand wherewith the essential woman +is branded by an emergent minority; to which Phillippa Weston +pre-eminently belonged. A good shot, a straight rider, and mistress +of a clear five thousand a year--she was, as Jane had written, a +"sound and satisfactory" family asset. And if Jane's conviction plus +the thousands were, in a measure, responsible for George's fervour, +Phillippa had no inkling of the fact. She had the modern girl's +tendency to admire her own sex; and Lady Roscoe stood scarcely second +to George in her esteem. On one point alone were they at variance. +Jane was a passive advocate of women's right to vote; Phillippa an +active one. But it was quite understood that the martyr's crown must +be foregone if she desired to become Mrs. George Sinclair: the which +she did as heartily as any unit of the unenlightened mass. She was +woman enough also to note and resent the fact that George's glance +lingered unduly on his new sister-in-law, even while he gave his arm +to Morna Broome, who looked a trifle overgrown and rough-cut by +contrast. + +As for Lilamani, bringing up the solemn procession on Lord Roscoe's +arm, she had thoughts for nothing but the lean, grave-eyed man, whose +over-punctilious politeness reduced her to monosyllables and murmured +platitudes; the more so because Jane, given over to Broome, walked +just ahead. + +The hour that followed was one of undiluted misery for the +zenana-bred hostess of eighteen, condemned to sit through a +six-course dinner with a mixed party of strangers, who talked and +laughed incessantly while eating, and--worse still--had all of them a +covertly curious eye to their kinsman's bride. + +Alone with Lord Roscoe, the veil of shyness might have been lifted. +But the noise and lights bewildered her, while Jane's proximity froze +all spontaneous speech upon her lips. Broome--who had not the clue +to her discomfiture--did his utmost to dispel it, with small success. +Once or twice Nevil caught her eye and smiled encouragement across +leagues of chrysanthemum-decked table-cloth. But he was so far off, +and That Terrible, with eyes that probed like gimlets, so +perturbingly near! Lord Roscoe, scholarly and unprejudiced, had to +own himself disappointed; and Miss Sinclair, who found dear Edward's +conversation so stimulating, reaped the benefit accordingly. + +It seemed as if dessert would never arrive! But it did. And with it +came the alarming recollection that it would be hers to make the +move, to catch Lady Margaret's eye. From the moment the wine began +to circulate her mind became so concentrated on this achievement that +she could hardly hear what Cuthbert Broome was saying. + +In the end it was Nevil who saw, and came to her rescue; and the +thing was done. They were all filing out, the black-robed figures, +in the midst of which she gleamed like a ray of light; and Christina, +hanging back, slipped a sheltering arm round her as they went out. + +George, holding the door open, smiled genially upon her; and, +returning, sat down by his brother. + +"By Jove, Nevil, you've my hearty congrats!" he said under his breath. + +"Thanks, old chap." + +Nevil spoke without enthusiasm and glanced toward the other end of +the table. But the elder men were discussing Sir George's cellar--an +engrossing topic; and George the younger went on, still in the same +confidential undertone: "Hindu or no, she's a jewel of the first +water. You don't get a sight of her sort in India. And perhaps it's +as well, for the peace of the community! Alluring. That's the word. +A woman all through as they still make 'em in the East; though we're +losing the art this side, worse luck." + +Nevil--listening with amused indifference to the sort of comments one +expected from George--sipped his port and thought of Phillippa +Weston, who was none of these things. + +But his brother's next words put indifference to flight. + +"All the same, old man," he went on with a twinkle of jocose +sagacity, "when it comes to that type, the purdah has its advantages, +eh? No risk of complications----" + +Nevil straightened himself with a jerk. + +"Damn your impertinence! What the deuce do you mean?" he asked +sharply under his breath, and was grateful for a shout of laughter +from Broome. + +"Oh, nothing, my dear chap, nothing." George's tone was a +metaphorical pat on the shoulder. "Can't you take a bit of chaff in +the right spirit? You seem to have grown almighty touchy since your +marriage. I'm a plain practical chap with a shrewd pair of eyes in +my head--that's all." + +"Keep your shrewdness for your own affairs then." Nevil's cooler +tone had a touch of incision, and leaving his chair he sat down near +Broome. + +George, scowling across at him over the top of a lighted match, +reflected sagely that a few years with the Regiment would have done +old Nevil a power of good. As it was, he half suspected his brother +of turning prig--most heartily hated word in the British language. +But Nevil Sinclair was neither prig nor Bayard. He had the +fastidiousness of his temperament--and its susceptibility. Did he +err, his heart must be involved. It must be the woman, however +transitory. For George the indefinite article sufficed: a radical +distinction. + +Yet, in a sense, the younger brother's puzzlement was justified. Six +months of marriage and steady work had wrought imperceptible changes +in Nevil Sinclair, as he himself was aware; though he scarcely +realized yet how much was due to the girl-wife who swayed him by the +very completeness of her submission, as only the true woman-spirit +can. At this moment he was merely angry, and glad to be quit of +George, who--being deserted--took his own small revenge. + +The opening flourish of a Chopin polonaise suggested the possibility +of quiet talk under cover of "Kit's fireworks"; and deliberately +extinguishing his cigar he went in search of amusement more congenial +than the dining-room could offer. + +Phillippa, deep in shooting prospects with Jane, started and flushed +a little at her lover's entrance. But George, incapable of finesse, +had eyes only for the thing he sought. + +"Jove! I'm in luck!" was his mental comment. For his sister-in-law +sat alone on a settee near the grand-piano, over which Morna Broome +leaned, absorbed and envious. Jane and Phillippa sat by the fire, +and Aunt Julia had taken Lady Margaret to her own room. + +George made straight for the sofa, where Lilamani lay back with eyes +half closed, thankful for a brief respite from the need to "make +talk." At his approach she looked up and smiled. + +"I'm not disturbing you, am I?" he asked perfunctorily as he sat +down. "And you don't mind talking a little while Kit makes that +unholy noise?" + +"No," she answered untruthfully, as in duty bound; and he was content. + +For a space he talked platitudes, one arm laid along the sofa-back in +casual brotherly fashion; while she murmured polite responses, seldom +raising her eyes. Once during a softer passage in the music her +lifted hand pleaded for silence; and he sat watching her, wondering +whether, after all, he would have had Nevil's pluck when it came to +the point. He began to believe he would. The longer he looked at +her, the more firmly he believed it. The conviction did not disturb +his placid affection for Phil. It enhanced the pleasure of sitting +so close to this delicately alluring bit of femininity--that was all. +It made him want to bring a light into her eyes, colour into her +cheeks, to enforce some sort of recognition that she was talking to a +man. + +Renewed crashing of chords gave him his chance. He leaned nearer. + +"Am I allowed to speak now--Lilamani?" + +He paused before the name and pronounced it "Lilamarny." She winced +and shook her head. + +"Not say it that way, please." + +"What way, then? Teach me." + +"Lilamani." She spoke the word with a dainty crispness; the first +syllable slightly stressed, the second "a" almost a "u." + +"It's a thundering pretty name, the way you say it," was his +masculine comment. "And the meaning's prettier still. Nevil told +us. If I can't pronounce it to please you, let me call you Jewel +instead. Comes more natural to an Englishman, and they couldn't +possibly have picked anything more appropriate." + +Something in the tone, rather than the words, called up the slow, +veiled blush that had so charmed Nevil in early days. He entered at +the moment with Broome; saw the blush, and noting his brother's +attitude, made straight for the settee. + +George greeted him with imperturbable complaisance. + +"We've been making friends--Lilamani and I." + +"That's all right," quoth Nevil dryly; and drawing up a chair, sat +down beside his wife. + +Talk languished; Christina's Polonaise crashed to its conclusion; and +George, seeing that no more blushes would be his, sauntered over to +the fire-place for consolation. But Phillippa, on his approach, +became the more ostentatiously engrossed in Jane; and he, with a +resigned movement of the shoulders, returned to the dining-room, to +enjoy the smoke he had sacrificed, and await a probable game of +Bridge. + +His last glance was not toward the fire-place but toward Nevil's +wife, whose eyes were upon her husband's face, mutely demanding was +he satisfied with his Lilamani--now? + +His answering smile reassured her; though, in his heart, he felt she +had been over-successful in the wrong direction, and hoped for better +results on the morrow. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + "Heaven's own screen + Hides her soul's purest depth and loveliest glow; + Closely withheld, as all things most unseen-- + The wave-bowered pearl, the heart-shaped seal of green + That flecks the snowdrop underneath the snow." + ROSSETTI. + + +The morrow brought its own fresh ordeal to the new Lady Sinclair; +added its own quota to the discovery, each day enforced more clearly, +that married life with Nevil, the rising artist, was one thing, and +married life with Sir Nevil Sinclair of Bramleigh Beeches, in the +stronghold of his fathers, was very much another. + +Tea-time found Lilamani in the large hall presiding at the gate-leg +table over a bewildering array of Crown Derby tea-cups, and a purring +silver urn that carried its banner of steam. More girlishly demure +than ever she seemed, in dead-white dress and _sari_ bordered with +palest grey; more "impossible" than ever also, in the opinion of the +elders, who had made an honest effort to "draw her out" by talking of +India before the kettle arrived. Sir Robert, mildly pompous and +impersonal, had enlarged on the climate and the sport; Lord Roscoe +contributed a few polished and paralysing questions on India's +premier Native State; while Lady Margaret and Aunt Julia embarked +hopefully on the field of missionary endeavour. A barren field, in +this case. + +Not that Lilamani's answers were other than intelligent and polite. +But these Western elders, inured by now to the airy self-assurance of +their own young, felt checked and a little chilled by lowered lids +and deferential murmurs; not realising that this was her idea of +correct behaviour to the more venerable members of a husband's family. + +The arrival of the kettle had been a welcome relief to all. But soon +there would be other talk to make; fresh strangers to encounter. +Nevil and Christina had driven out to meet the new-comers; rank +Bohemians both; peculiarly distasteful to Jane. Morna and her +father, after a short turn with Lilamani, had wandered on through the +burnished glories of the beech-wood. George and Phil had gone for a +ride. There had been a slight coolness between them all the morning, +much of which George had contrived to spend in Lilamani's +neighbourhood. But fresh air and exercise readjusted things; and on +their return, the drive being empty, he had lifted his _fiancée_ out +of the saddle and kissed her soundly, on the lips. + +"Oh--George!" she murmured, as he released her. But he had turned +aside and was opening the front door. + +It was George's way of making love. Little of tenderness in speech +or tone; only an occasional kiss, half passionate, half shamefaced, +when heart or senses were stirred. Phillippa did not altogether +approve. But she wanted George--for several reasons; and one could +not accept a man piecemeal. + +It was not so easy to accept his instant gravitation to the "harem +child" on entering the hall. Mere masculine instinct, she assured +herself; and bore Nevil a grudge for giving him a chance to gratify +it. But he had not gratified it for many minutes before wheels and a +stir outside announced Nevil and his friends. + +Lilamani braced herself for renewed "inspection"; and her young +vanity craved the more distinctive setting of mother-o'-pearl or +almond-blossom _sari_; the golden gleam or armlets, belt and shoes. +She wearied of this eternal white and grey. Its insipidity seemed to +infect her soul; its---- + +"Lilamani--here is Miss de Winton." + +Nevil's voice roused her. She started; smiled obediently, and held +out her hand. It was retained for a second or more while its owner +regarded her leisurely out of long, level-lidded eyes. + +"This is a great moment, Lady Sinclair," said Leslie de Winton in a +full contralto as leisurely as her gaze. "I've been counting the +days and the hours ever since the invite came. I've known this Nevil +of yours"--she grasped his arm--"how many years is it, old boy?" + +He shrugged and laughed. "I'm weak at arithmetic! And I've lived a +lifetime this summer." + +"Well--we'll say a lifetime then!" Her eyes seemed reluctant to +leave his face. "'We were boys together,' like Mr. and Mrs. Alphonso +Browne! And I couldn't induce myself to believe in Nevil's _wife_ +till I'd seen her in the flesh." + +Lilamani had no immediate answer at command. Something in the look +and tone of this mere stranger--little more than Audrey's age--who +laid hands on her man and called him "old boy" fired her with a hot +rush of anger. But she kept her gaze steady, lest hesitation be +deemed shyness, and a delicate shade of sarcasm lurked in her +question: "Perhaps you are a little more able for believing it now?" + +Miss de Winton, vaguely aware of something amiss, turned it off with +a laugh. "Why, yes. Very much so! But even now, I can't manage to +believe in those pictures! The Nevil _I_ know could never have +achieved the amount; let alone the unique subject." Again her eyes +dwelt upon him with their odd look of veiled power. "It seems that I +am here to meet a new Nevil as well as a new wife! But I beg your +pardon, Noll"---this to Norris. "It's your turn now. Once _I_ get +into the middle of the stage I'm rather apt to stay there unless some +one kindly pushes me aside!" + +Still unhurried, she moved on her way, shaking hands and talking in +the strong, deliberate voice that was almost a drawl; while Lilamani, +only half appeased, must endure the scrutiny of eyes the more +embarrassing that they were masculine, prominent and boldly +appreciative, under rough, irritable brows. But for Norris the +drawing-room and the tea-table were unfamiliar mediums--"not being a +placard-painter," was his own explanation; and he had no platitudes +at command. + +Having covered his small hostess with confusion by a look that +comprised her from caste-mark to shoe-buckle, he announced bluntly: +"Strikes me, Lady Sinclair, that you came over from India expressly +to do this lucky husband of yours a double service. He's just the +Fate-favoured type that would get all the plums dropped into his +mouth, without any prelude of starving and agonizing such as we poor +devils have to grind through first----" + +"Well, you shan't starve and agonize under my roof, old chap!" Nevil +interposed promptly, seeing that the speech was quite beyond his +wife's power to answer. + +He would fain have set her at ease by a tender word or two, a hand on +her shoulder; but that he knew too well by this time how all her +"Hindu-ness" shrank from the lightest revealing of their hearts +before others. + +"Give this ill-used pair some tea, Lilamani!" was all he could say. +"Unless you'd prefer drinks and cigarettes in the studio, Norris?" + +No. They voted for tea. But Miss de Winton smoked a cigarette with +hers, and flicked her ash about the carpet, to Aunt Julia's amaze and +Jane's unspeakable disgust. + +The family dispersed more or less during the interlude; and the +moment tea-drinking was over Leslie de Winton rose. + +"Now then, Nevil, I'm in a most egregious hurry to be convinced of +the existence of these myths!" + +"You look it!" said he, surveying with a smile her lazy length, that +held the same kind of power as her eyes. "You'll tear me into +ribbons between you. But you're more than welcome----" + +He motioned her to the door; and as they went forward, he lingered a +moment to lean over his wife's chair. + +"Aren't you coming too, Jewel of Delight?" + +"Not now--please," she answered, and her eyes clung to his for one +appealing instant. + +But as soon as he was gone, she lay back and closed them, simulating +weariness as a cloak for vague trouble and bewilderment of soul. +Weeks of monopoly had made the studio dear and sacred almost as her +shrine. It was one thing to admit Christina, who was "Nevil in a +girl." But to share it with strangers--the one, too openly intimate +with him; the other too likely to persecute her with his eyes, in the +fashion of M. Leseppes--was more than she would willingly endure. It +began to dawn upon her that this trouble of the way men looked at you +must be an inevitable phase of unveiled life: a phase that made her +long for the cloistered shelter of the Inside as nothing else had +done yet. Even George, brother and promised husband, was not above +reproach. + +And to-day--fresh perturbation on her lord's account. If it were +_dastur_ that the free women of England should behave with the +husband of another as this bold-mannered one behaved with +hers--Lilamani's, then, better a thousand times that wife should be +shut away where she might not feel the poison-pricks of +jealousy--fierce and primitive in this gentle creature even as her +hate. But of what use to consider advantages? The unveiled life was +of her own choosing; and must be accepted, good with ill. + +At this point the insistent murmur of voices tangled her thread of +thought. The room had fallen very still. All who remained were +occupied with pen or book. Only those voices came from the fireside, +where Jane and Aunt Julia discussed the recent misfortunes and +follies of a poor relation, Clara by name. She lived, it seemed, at +a place called Gunnersbury, where rooms were few and small; and +servants either were not, or did little to earn their wages; since +this Clara appeared to have "everything on her hands" from cooking to +making the children's clothes, which she did badly enough, according +to Jane. For there were children also in this abode of dinginess and +small space. That one word enchained Lilamani's attention; and a +vision of children, who were also relations, redeemed the sordid +picture. One had been ill. So had Clara herself. They spoke of the +ill one as "Nevil," and Lilamani's heart contracted. It was her +foolish thought that no living woman, save herself, could be mother +of a man-child and call his name Nevil. But the fact, though +disconcerting, quickened her sympathy for one so blest yet so +ill-fated. She listened eagerly. Aunt Julia was speaking now. + +"Of course, dear, one _knows_ her capacity for muddling things almost +amounts to genius. But then--these illnesses, with her income! And +after all, she _is_ poor dear Richard's widow----" + +"Which means you've been sending her another cheque. Aunt Ju, you're +incorrigible!" + +Disapproval lurked in Jane's half-playful remonstrance; and a hint of +apology in Miss Sinclair's reply. + +"Only five pounds, dear, to help her take the child to St. Leonard's. +But the money has melted; and they've never been. There were +difficulties----" + +"There always are. There always would be, with Clara, if she had a +thousand a year!" This from Jane, with her touch of asperity. +"She's one of the patently unfit. And really, Aunt Ju, you make +things worse by pauperizing her. She knows quite well that whenever +a tight corner comes, a cheque will drop out of the sky. If she +didn't, she might at least try to make some sort of provision for bad +times like these." + +Lady Roscoe had never troubled herself to discover by a simple sum of +arithmetic what manner of provision for emergencies could be achieved +by a woman of gentle birth, doomed to feed, dress, and educate four +children on a bare two hundred a year. Hers was the supreme handicap +of the unimaginative: utter inability to see life through other eyes +than her own. + +Miss Sinclair, softer of heart and conscience, could only reiterate +her unanswerable argument: "After all, my dear, she is poor Richard's +widow." + +And "Richard" having been first cousin to Sir George--though only a +degree less unfit than his wife--Jane could but acquiesce, and change +the subject; which spoilt everything. Lilamani wanted to hear more, +or be left in peace to think of this unknown "Clara"; this woman of +her husband's family, who lacked space and money, and even food, +while she and Nevil were overburdened with useless servants, empty +rooms and more than sufficient money to fulfil their needs. For +Nevil had said little to her of his own inability to make ends meet. +As head of the family, surely his duty was clear. If relations were +in need or sickness, their place was at Bramleigh Beeches. That was +her Eastern view. For in India organized charity is not. Each +family group is more or less responsible for its own. Possibly Nevil +had not heard, or did not realize. Children in the house--young +children! Her woman's heart thrilled at the prospect. Rising +quietly she slipped out of the room, and ran up to the Tower, that +she might think things out in her shrine. But she reckoned without +Nevil's quick ears and keen desire of her. + +At the sound of her light step without, he opened the studio door. + +"Come and join the private view, Lilamani," said he. "The pictures +are as much yours as mine. And so I've told them!" + +"However much you are telling it, they will never believe such +foolishness!" she made answer, laughing; reluctance dispelled by his +tribute. + +"I'm not sure of _that_, Lady Sinclair," quoth Norris, regarding, +with quickened interest, her girlish outlines of face and figure. +"Personally, I'm inclined to score under the polite remark I achieved +downstairs! This scene in particular, Sinclair, stamps you--places +you even more than the rest." He flung a declamatory hand towards +the easel, where Nevil had just set up Sita in the Asoka Garden, with +its grimly suggestive background of fiends vigilant, and its +foreground of delicate beauty veiled and blurred with grief, as the +face of the moon by passing clouds. "No man of our school could have +resisted such a chance--and the abduction gave you another--of making +your thrill the wrong way round. Even a touch of bestiality wouldn't +have been amiss. Degenerate or no, there's a certain chill down the +spine producible by vigorous, remorseless handling of the hideous +that leaves the more commonplace appeal to beauty miles behind." + +For a moment, Nevil considered the matter, and his canvas; then shook +his head. + +"I find more than enough of ugliness and terror in both scenes," said +he. + +"Quite so. You're not Leseppes 'god-son' for nothing. But for all +he's left his mark on your work, you've the reticence, the delicacy +and mellow sanity of an older school. You're not afraid of +simplicity; and it's clear you believe in beauty all along the line." + +"Yes, thank God, I do." Nevil glanced involuntarily at his wife. "I +hope no school or movement or 'ism' will ever tempt me into deifying +the ugly and abnormal, even for the sake of your chill down the +spine!" + +Norris laughed. "For ever and ever. Amen! Eh? Wait till you've +seen Leslie's latest. But I doff my hat to the rising apostle of +sanity! I can still admire work on your lines when--and only +when--it bears the clear stamp of personal vision, in addition to +such notable brushwork and force of colour. Yes, my dear chap, in +spite of your confounded healthiness, I believe you'll do! But as +I've leave to quarrel with a thing or two--look here----" + +And securing the "apostle of sanity" by the arm he launched into a +tangle of minor technicalities that swept the talk far above +Lilamani's head. + +Leslie de Winton, noting this, drew her aside. + +"Let them wrangle it out between them, Lady Sinclair," said she. "I +want to hear something more about this magical Epic, that seems to +have fired your husband as I've never seen him fired yet. One knew +the name, of course; and Nevil has given us the bare bones of the +story. What a big conglomerate thing it is! And what an +uncomfortably high standard of wifehood it reveals. Thank heaven, +our men don't set us on such heroic pedestals in these days! And I +suppose even Indian ideals have come a shade nearer to earth in the +last thousand years or so?" + +Lilamani, half puzzled, half repelled, could only shake her head. + +"I don't quite know your meaning about nearer to earth. Of course it +is difficult, always, for those not heroine-made to climb to such a +height. But Sita is still ideal for all true Indian wives to-day." + +"Poor misguided souls!" The Englishwoman's genuine dismay set +Lilamani smiling in spite of herself. + +"Not so misguided, nor so hardship as you think," said she. + +"Not hardship? My dear Lady Sinclair! To be condemned to worship a +very fallible and human husband as god? _I_ should say insult would +be nearer the mark!" + +The daughter of Rajputs frowned. + +"It is not 'condemned,' nor insult," she said, with a touch of heat. +"It is by nature, by religion----" + +"Then it's high time nature and religion tried a change of programme! +Rare luck for you, isn't it, marrying into a saner and more +reasonable state of things?" + +"I? How you mean? No difference with me. I am still Hindu. You +think by change of name and country the soul can change beliefs, +ideals, as if like clothes." + +"I'm afraid I didn't think. But then--good Lord----" The incredible +conclusion dawned on her. "You don't mean to tell me that Nevil +is--that if Nevil were to----" + +"Please not say any more," Lilamani broke in hurriedly, the hot blood +surging into her face. "It is not--I am not able for discussing so +sacred subject ... with strangers----" + +To hide her confusion and check further speech she turned abruptly +toward the window; and Leslie de Winton's sallow face changed colour. +She was sorry to have trespassed on this quaint child's preserves: +but irrespressible amusement narrowed her eyes. Nevil--most casual +and unheroic of men, whom no one but herself had ever seemed to take +quite seriously till now-- + +He turned at the moment, caught her smiling, and inquired innocently: +"What's the joke?" + +"You are!" she answered, stepping closer and lowering her voice. +"You'll soon be invisible to us earth-worms--the rate you're going +up. A baronet; a budding R.A.; and now I find that mere marriage has +exalted you into a 'sacred subject'!" + +"Oh, hang it, Les. Shut up." Nevil frowned sharply and glanced at +his wife's figure in the window. "It's not me. You don't +understand." + +Low as he spoke, Lilamani caught the words and the "small name" that +hurt her like a blow. How little it might imply she did not stay to +consider. She hated its owner; and was racking her brain for a +polite means of escape, when the leisurely voice remarked: "Well, so +long, Nevil. It's good to be here again. I must go now and +uncrumple my evening dress." + +To Lilamani it seemed a miracle wrought in her favour. It did not +strike her that an exchange of glances had sufficed; and that Leslie +had carried off the bewildered Norris by force, to explain "the joke" +in her own ribald fashion, outside. She only knew, with a lift of +the heart, that they were gone. What matter how? She only stood +waiting, with young intensity of expectation, for the beloved +footstep, the beloved arm round her body. + +And when these came, quietly, without speech, in the English fashion +she had learnt to love, she turned swiftly and hid her burning face +in the roughness of his coat. + +He gave her a minute or so to recover herself, his left hand pressing +her head against its shelter. + +Then: + +"You must make allowances, little one," he said, "if some of them +_do_ trample unawares on your holy ground. The sanctities are out of +fashion here, nowadays. But Leslie's a good sort. She meant no +harm." + +"Is she--cousin, that you call her by that private name?" came the +muffled voice, shifting the issue in a manner so purely feminine that +the man smiled and pressed her closer. + +"No. She's no connection. But we're very good friends. She's bound +to be here pretty often; and I want you to like her. She's a very +clever artist--and quite a good sort really," he repeated, feeling +the movement of negation under his hand. + +Her speech confirmed it. + +"'Good sort' your Lilamani doesn't know. She is horrid woman. +Profane woman. Not worthy for having a husband--or--or sons--ever!" + +It was her supremest malediction, as Nevil knew by now. + +"Poor Leslie!" said he, and his eyes grew soft with a passing memory. +"Worthy or not, the odds are against her having either--now." + +He did not feel bound to add that at one time she had openly aspired +to become the future Lady Sinclair. Even with the dear head against +his breast he had a momentary qualm in realizing that but for a +timely separation, at a critical juncture, his house of marriage +would have been builded upon sand and this pearl of womanhood would +never have been his. Leslie, with her strong irregular features, +lithe body, and hint of power in reserve, had fascinated him +mentally, to the verge of obsession. She fascinated him still. But +this flower of the East, this very woman compact of fire and dew, +held every fraction of him prisoner in her softly-clinging hands. + +"She mustn't be a hard-judging, narrow-minded Lilamani," he reproved +her in all gentleness. "And she mustn't make foolishness about the +'private name!' You didn't mind it with Audrey. She's no cousin +either." + +"No. Yet not the same with her. I can't tell--I feel----" She +lifted her head in the effort to crystallize vague yet unerring +intuitions; and Broome's voice sounded at the door. + +"You there, Nevil?" + +Sinclair glanced at his wife. + +"Yes--yes. Him I love!" she whispered, freeing herself from his arm. + +"Come on, old man," Nevil called out; adding, as the novelist +entered: "Here's an honour that you dreamt not of. Lady Sinclair +loves you!" + +"Oh, Nevil! I didn't mean--how trouble you are!" she cried, in a +pretty flutter of embarrassment; and Broome, with genuine pleasure in +his eyes: + +"Don't spoil such a charming confession, my dear. I heartily return +the compliment." + +Then, with one of those touches of the Southerner that so well became +him, he lifted her hand to his lips. + +"I came to say," he went on, beaming at his astonished host, "that +Christina and Morna are having quite a concert in the drawing-room. +My infant sings rather nicely. She's shy of performing after dinner, +as yet. But I'd like you to hear her, if you've done with each other +_pro tem_." + +Lady Sinclair crumpled her brow over that last. + +"_Pro tem_? That is what Audrey was calling something in the food." + +Nevil burst out laughing. "Proteids! Not half a bad shot! Poor old +Audrey's teaching didn't leave much of a mark." + +"A girl to be reckoned with, though. Character enough for two!" +Broome remarked with a twinkle, recalling the day of the storm. +"Heard anything of her since Antibes?" + +"Yes. She's in Scotland with her people. We've asked her to look us +up when she comes in this direction." + +He opened the door for his wife in speaking, and they went out. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + "Yet we are one;-- + One is the perfect sense of Eastern meaning:-- + Gold and the bracelet, water and the wave." + LAURENCE HOPE. + + +Dinner that night was something less of an ordeal; though it would be +long before this puzzling fashion of entertainment could be anything +but distasteful to Lilamani Sinclair. Lord Roscoe seemed a shade +less formidable; and in the drawing-room Jane made an honest effort +at friendly talk with Nevil's wife. But not all that wife's devotion +could impel her to genuine response. Wax in the hands of those she +loved, Lilamani had yet her share of the fighting spirit and fierce +pride of her race, that leaped in flame at every word or look from +this condescendingly dutiful sister of her husband, in whose heart +were poisoned arrows and a sharp sword. So the effort proved barren +of result; and Jane, having done her duty, reverted to the faithful +Phil. + +Again there was music for the younger ones; Bridge for the elders; +and clumsy attentions from George, whom she smiled upon sweetly as "a +brother." But through it all she was acutely aware of Leslie de +Winton's tall figure in its elaborately simple grey-green sheath; +seldom far from Nevil's elbow. Some lightning instinct whispered +that here was only the mask of friendship; and every time the +deliberate gaze rested on her lord's face, or the deliberate voice +"took his name," Lilamani's heart burned with a murderous resentment, +for which no one present would have given her credit; least of all +her husband, who believed he knew her by now. And there was trouble +with Norris' eyes. Not such barefaced persecution as that of M. +Leseppes; but sufficient to make this child of seclusion feel +strangely unsheltered and defenceless, even under her husband's roof, +shrine of all the sanctities to an Indian wife. + +Altogether it was a time of puzzling complexities and strange +discoveries, that interminable week-end; the forerunner of many such. +That was the worst of it. Nevil had explained that, at least while +shooting lasted, "the clan" regarded the week-end at Bramleigh +Beeches as its due; and little Lady Sinclair, with never a germ of +social or sporting instinct in her composition, must needs adapt +herself to a sacred form of ritual that seemed to take the place of +religion in the West. There were moments of pure enjoyment with +Christina and Morna, or Broome; moments of half-fearful pleasure with +the over-appreciative George; and one blessed escape to tea with +Helen Despard, she and Christina alone. Yet it was with unfeigned +relief that she received the last handshake; the last kiss on her +cheek. + +They were gone--all gone! It was as if a ton-weight fell from her +shoulders. Christina would return in a few days to say good-bye. In +the meantime, tea in the studio, and Nevil all to herself for hours +and hours! He too was relieved. She felt it in the air; though she +did not divine that at least a part of his relief was due to the fact +that she had not produced quite the effect he had hoped for. He made +every allowance for difficulties no Englishman could fully +understand. But he had sincerely hoped "things would go better next +time." + +As for her, she wanted to forget that next time would ever come. She +also wanted to talk of Clara, whose story, in outline, she had drawn +from Aunt Julia: a sordid, commonplace story of one of the world's +poor things, foredoomed to go under in the struggle for life. +Richard Sinclair, it seemed, had been an idle good-for-nothing. +Truth compelled Aunt Julia to admit the damning fact; while loyalty +prompted her to regret, in the same breath, that everyone noticed his +unfortunate likeness to his mother! He had died--two years +ago--leaving his second wife in genteel poverty, with a young stepson +and four children of her own. A feckless creature, it seemed, always +ailing; but devoted to the children; and the new niece's evident +sympathy had gone far to win Aunt Julia's heart. + +Now--tea being over, and she, crouched on her low stool, arms resting +on his knees, while he smoked, the cherished plan found utterance. +Had he heard? Had he realized? Those others that he had invited +were well-provided as themselves. But this poor woman, widow of +blood-relation, mother of sons, sick, in trouble ... and they, with +so many empty rooms---- + +She broke off uncertainly, for Nevil had opened his eyes. + +"My dear little wife--what are you driving at? D'you want 'em all +_here_?" + +Her smile, tremulously pitiful, was a lovely thing to see. + +"I thought ... only natural, like in India--when you knew there was +trouble----" + +"But there always is trouble in Clara's direction. I'm awfully sorry +for her, poor soul; and I'd be glad to give her a helping hand, +though hardly to the extent of turning Bramleigh Beeches into a +_crêche_, overrun with unruly children----!" + +Something in his tone brought her heart into her throat. + +"Are you not caring very much--for children?" she asked, moving one +hand nervously up and down his knee. + +He covered it with his own. "Of course I'm fond of children. Most +decent men are. But Clara's are a harum-scarum lot. She has as +little control over them as over anything else. And what would the +great Mrs. Lunn say to such an invasion?" + +The soft mouth took a line of decision: but Lilamani had to swallow +before she could speak. The dimmest sense of disappointment in +him--her idol, was hard to bear. + +"The house is belonging for you, not for Mrs. Lunn," she said, +looking intently at the long fine hand on his knee. "And--he is +ill--that littlest one called by your name. Aunt Julia was sending +money for a place called St. Leonard's. But one cannot go without +all. Oh, Nevil!" she looked up eagerly confident--"How easy to send +money for all! You have so much----" + +He looked deep into her eyes before replying. Her appealing beauty +of soul and flesh moved him more, it is to be feared, than Clara's +need. + +"I haven't 'so much.' That's the difficulty. This great house with +all its staff and hundreds of acres doesn't mean untold wealth +rolling in to keep it going. It may sound queer to you, but I'm +almost as hard put to it as Clara to make ends meet." + +"Oh, Nevil--dear lord! But why then--have all these ... wealthy ones +... not in trouble?" + +"That's a riddle not to be answered off-hand, little wife! It would +take a deal of explaining; and I wanted if possible to shield you +from all contact with the sordid struggle between ways and means. To +you money is nothing more than a name; and I should prefer to keep it +so as long as may be. But you're such a stern moralist, you creature +of sweetness and light! So imbued with the logic of your race that +it might save friction and misunderstanding if I make my position +clear once for all. Only you must have patience with dull talk and +ugly words!" + +At that, she drew herself up radiantly elate. Here was privilege +indeed! So rarely is an Indian wife admitted to a share in the +masculine side of her lord's existence; at least until she be mother +as well. + +"No need for patience. I am proud with all my soul that you are +wishing me to share. I know I am stupid for such things. But I will +try to understand." + +It was not so easy, strive as she might. For a quarter of an hour +and more his quiet voice flowed on, leaving a very mixed train of +impressions in its wake. The mortgage bewildered her beyond measure. +She saw it as an actual bogey, to be propitiated by means of money +doled out at intervals; a bogey that he might be rid of in time if +his pictures "caught on." She understood his wish to try to keep +things going in the old way, for the sake of family honour, and that +sentence in his father's last letter. She began to understand also +that there is no family system in England, as in India; no great +nexus of responsibility, which obviates the need for workhouse and +orphanage, since none of the blood can look for support in vain. + +But one discrepancy puzzled her; and when all was said, she drew his +attention to it, not without hesitancy. + +"Lord of me--you are seeming to forget ... there is my dowry also. +Not small. Though how much, you know better than I----" + +"Your dowry? But my dear, it's your own, always and altogether. Do +you suppose I would use it to keep up the estate or help my poor +relations out of the ditch they have dug for themselves? I hope I'm +man enough to win through my own muddles, without coming down on you." + +It took her a second or so to grasp his masculine and very British +point of view; then she challenged it straightway with her Asiatic +logic. + +"Oh Nevil--dearest, what a foolishness! Forgive me for saying that. +But think only--can there be any of me altogether my own when every +part is belonging to my lord, for this life and all lives to come?" +Lightly touching head and feet, she indicated the completeness of his +dominion. "All great things, real things--life and body and +heart--you let me give without making this trouble of mine and thine. +How then talk of holding back so small a thing, like money. That +your Lilamani will never understand if you explain up to night-time." + +"Then my Lilamani must accept it without understanding!" said he, +drawing her close against him, till head touched head. + +Still she shook her own with gentle obstinacy. "It is foolishness +between wife and husband, this pretending of thine and mine; +especially when there is trouble." Then her logic triumphed afresh. +"But Nevil--if mine, I can give where I please; even to relation of +yours. For that you cannot refuse permission!" + +He could not; and he gave it straightway, in the fashion she loved +best. + +"But look here, darling," said he, when their lips were free for +speech. "Unless I keep some sort of check on you, you'll be flinging +away the lot. So listen to me and be sensible. We'll send her a +cheque between us--say twenty pounds. That will give them all a +month at the sea and help square the doctor. Will that suit you, +Lady Sinclair?" + +She nodded, beaming, and clapping her hands without sound. + +"That is beautiful! And after----? Can they not come here ... ever?" + +"Why, yes. For a visit. If you're so keen." + +"I want ... oh, I want to hold that man-child ... called of your name +... in my arms," she whispered, a thrill in her low voice. "You said +there must be family party for Christmas; and that is your feast for +worship of children. Could it not be then?" + +"M--yes. A bit of a crowd. But still--anything to please you. By +the way, Ronald, the stepson--he's a good-looking boy of +twenty--wouldn't make half a bad model for Rāma. I believe +my father had some scheme about training him up as agent to take +Thornbrook's place. We'll have him down one week-end and see." + +So the matter was settled, and the letter written; Lilamani leaning +over her husband's shoulder while he filled in the magic paper that +stood for twenty golden pounds, ten of them her own. Not until next +morning was Nevil tripped up by the question--what would happen when +these unconstitutional doings should reach the ears of Jane? + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + "There is a bitter drop in the cup of the best love." + NIETZSCHE. + + +It was a clear morning of sharp, white frost; the first of the year. +Lilamani's spirit sprang out of sleep with a sense of being suddenly +very much awake. The window of the large old-fashioned bedroom stood +wide. Nevil had all the strong young Englishman's faith in fresh +air. And through the opening his wife caught a glimpse of tree-tops +dazzlingly arrayed. Even lying in bed she was conscious of a new nip +in the air. + +Curiosity at this rare sense of alertness tempted her to creep out of +bed--very gently, so as not to disturb her lord. Slipping into her +quilted dressing-gown, she stood looking down at him in a rapt +adoration, undimmed by the manifold disappointments and difficulties +of this bewildering English fashion of life. And the five weeks that +had elapsed since that first coming of the clan had held their full +share of both for husband and wife. + +Three more week-end parties, each bearing a strong family likeness to +the first, had come and gone; and Nevil's confident hope that "things +would go better next time" had been scantily fulfilled. His own +flexible nature had responded readily to the wholesome reaction from +six months of secluded, unswerving dedication to the twin lodestars +of his being--art and the woman. For the moment, at least, he was +thoroughly enjoying his first taste of dispensing hospitality under +his own roof, and naturally desirous that the woman of his heart +should shine in the eyes of others even as in his own. This, in a +limited measure, she did. Her cool, perfumed apartness and +unmistakable high breeding gave to her beauty a distinctive quality +that men were quick to approve; though the women, with one or two +notable exceptions, were apt to label her "insipid" or "impossible": +the last, an unconscious tribute to her clear-eyed insistence on +essentials, which they believed themselves to have outgrown. Thus +she still remained over-successful in the wrong direction and still +shrank from strange human beings in the mass, especially at +food-time. More than all, her own enforced prominence--so unbecoming +in a young wife--distressed her soul and made her seeming shyness the +harder to overcome. + +It is difficult for the West to understand the Eastern woman's +complete lack of social instinct; difficult also for a race inured to +the arrogant pre-eminence of its youth to realize how slowly, yet how +surely, she of the _purdah_ comes to her own: and it did not occur to +Nevil Sinclair that in these early days of marriage his young wife +felt herself more or less in her novitiate, one who must walk humbly +and possess herself in patience till the great consummation was hers. +But the consummation came not: and once again the haunting fear crept +in lest he regard her as a failure in respect of the supreme gift. + +For the first few weeks his sympathy, with her fish-out-of-water +sense, had been unfailing. But of late she had detected an +occasional undernote of irritation; and could but decipher his moods +by the light of her own lamp. Only last night something had seemed +to vex him; and on her venturing to ask what was amiss, he had +answered with a touch of weariness: "Oh, nothing, of any consequence. +Things will right themselves in time." Fervently she prayed that +this steadfast conviction of his might be fulfilled, while yet +remaining far from a clear understanding of all that fulfilment +implied. + +In her view one event alone would work the miracle without fail. And +now, standing at the bedside, lost in worship of the beloved +face--the vigorous brow, straight nose and tender mouth with its +endearing touch of the woman--pain and bewilderment gave place to the +rapturous certainty that some day, some day the son who should bear +his name and nature would lie warm against her breast. And on that +day things would right themselves once for all. + +One hand lay uncovered on the pillow. Holding her breath, she +touched it lightly with her lips; then sped to the window, dread of +cold forgotten in the new wonder that met her gaze. + +Out there, in the blue-grey dusk of dawn, the familiar garden lay +translated. A world of enchantment--all crystal-white, pencilled and +stippled with delicate shadows, grey and sepia and black. No leaf or +grass-blade, twig or pine-needle but wore its fairy garb of frozen +dew. Crisp brown beech-leaves were silver-edged, and a group of +young birches reared plumes of diamond-dust against the pallor beyond. + +A real, visible awakening of earth and sky had become almost an event +in the procession of tearful days that was called November: and +sudden longing seized her to escape, as a bird from its cage; to +stand alone in the midst of that enchanted world at the moment when +it would flash into many-coloured laughter at the kiss of the sun. A +childish spirit of adventure stirred her pulses. She would go. They +might think what they pleased: "they" being Jane and George and Phil. +For it was Saturday, and a select party of "guns" had assembled for +three days' pheasant-shooting. + +It took no time to slip noiselessly into her clothes, crowning all +with fur-lined cloak and hood, and a high, dainty pair of snow-boots, +the only form of boot she could endure to wear. A cup of tea, made +in her shrine, fortified her against the cold. Then she flew down +and out, unmindful of amazed glances from the second housemaid, who +was shaking out the hall mat. + +The garden slept in silver, softly still. But the moment of +awakening was near. Once outside, the novelty of it all and the pure +joy of freedom lured her on. She craved the wide spaces of the moor, +the scrunch of frozen heather underfoot. A short cut up through the +pine plantation soon brought her out into the open; eyes alight and +blood astir with rapid movement. Stepping to the edge, she sat her +down upon a rock overlooking the valley where Bramleigh nestled; grey +church tower and groups of dull red cottages only half awake, their +trailed pennons of smoke tilted southward by a light breath from the +north. Plunged knee-deep in misty hollows, the pine woods on the +farther rise stood dreaming, their sharp tops fretted upon a toneless +sky, that only at its zenith achieved a hint of blue. + +Still as any tree among them all sat the lone small figure in the +purple cloak, while behind those dreaming woods the benign smile of +morning grew wide and wider. Quietly, without pomp and flare of +cloud-pageant, the God of Light slipped up over the edge of the +world. Trillions of diamond-sparkles from furred ling and gorse +flashed back the mild light of him. And it was day. + +Lilamani sat on, yogi-fashion, letting that mild light baptize her +also and chase away the greyness that had entered into her very soul. +Even on this wonder-morning of fairy raiment and keen sweet air she +was aware of something lacking; of stirrings deep down in her +primitive, passionate nature that found no response in this gentle +dimplement of moor and field; these half-tones and blurred outlines; +this pastoral, emotionless peace. Her Eastern soul craved colours +more vivid, stronger lights and shadows, a Nature more fiercely, +radiantly athrob with the pulse of life. The memory of a certain +blazing Egyptian sunset--crimson-red as though the heart of heaven +were laid bare--smote her almost with a pang. Here in England the +heart of all things, and even of most humans, lay hid so deep, that +at times she dared to wonder was it there at all. + +Loyalty might refuse to admit the fact; but, in truth, the whole +atmosphere of her husband's country--that she had so ardently desired +to love for his sake--chilled and repressed her sensitive spirit, +that had blossomed in the sunshine and close comradeship of Italy. +There the essentials had been their bread and wine of life. Here +non-essentials triumphed; and she, having small talent for these, +began to feel herself a futile, ineffectual thing beside these +vigorous Englishwomen who could carry guns, talk politics, +literature, art with fluent ease, and treat their men-folk with scant +respect. Was it possible that he would ever feel the same----? + +The desolating question produced a physical shiver; a reminder that +in her absorption she had sat still too long. The warmth of walking +had subsided. Hands and feet were bitter cold. Foolishness again! +She ought not to have sat down at all. For the last few days there +had been uncomfortable symptoms, and Nevil had feared she was "in for +a cold," that distressing and unbecoming ailment which seemed almost +as persistent a feature of English life as the rain. Now he would be +vexed again; the more so because she had forgotten that breakfast was +earlier on shooting days. + +Luckless Lilamani! A fit of sneezing shook her. She ran across the +open to regain her lost warmth; and on reaching the pine plantation +entered a new realm of faery delicately aquiver with sun-smitten +mist; the breathing of earth made visible, like her own, by the chill +air. Bathed in it, the slender pine-stems showed almost black, their +eastward rims painted clear golden, their shadows barring the ground, +where moss-cushions gleamed like great emeralds dropped by Sita in +her flight. And at intervals, through the stillness came the soft +flutter and rush of a breakfast-hunting bird. Hard not to linger and +worship afresh; but duty lent wings to her feet: and she sped on. + + +They were all in the dining-room when she entered--flushed, and a +little short of breath. Jane had made tea and was dispensing it. +Lord Roscoe stood over the fire, airing _The Times_. George and Phil +were discussing the merits of a new gun she had given him. Young +Ronald Sinclair and Captain Shadwell of George's regiment were +helping themselves at the sideboard. + +A polite murmur greeted her appearance, and Nevil shook his head at +her without severity. "Not a very wise Lilamani!" he whispered, as +she slipped past him to take her rightful place. + +Jane, resigning the tea-pot with reluctance, muttered pessimistically +of pneumonia and advised ammoniated quinine. + +"_Much_ more sensible if you drove out to lunch with the guns instead +of running about alone at unearthly hours," she concluded sagely. + +"Yes--perhaps," murmured the gently persistent renegade with a +half-smile at the characteristic remark. "Sensible" was the keyword +of Jane, even as health was the keyword of Audrey, and _dastur_ of +Mataji. But at thought of Mataji, her heart contracted strangely; +and she forced herself to join in the general talk. + +Breakfast over, there was bustle of departure, and a few seconds +alone with Nevil in the dining-room. He was not vexed, it seemed. +But if anything, a shade more tender than usual. + +"Take good care of yourself, little girl," he said, kissing her. +"Don't mope. And you might do worse than try that quinine!" + +"Very well; if you wish," she agreed meekly; conscious of burning +eyeballs and rasping throat. + +In the large hall Ronald Sinclair contrived a parting word with her. +It was not his first visit, and she had a sisterly affection for the +boy, strengthened by the fact that an occasional turn of the head and +shoulders recalled her husband. Wasn't she coming out to lunch, and +wasn't she well? he asked with frank, boyish dismay. How rotten! It +would just spoil everything. But he daresayed he'd get back early. +"I'm not much of a hand at shooting," he added by way of excuse. +"And I'd far sooner have a quiet talk with you." + +"I would like it also," she agreed, smiling, unaware of the vigilant +eyes of Jane, who had already noted and resented her disturbing +effect even upon the sound and satisfactory George. Now it was to be +Ronald Sinclair. Really Nevil was a fool! Further proof of it had +lately come to her ears. For the past few weeks she had been too +busy organizing an Emigration League and shooting the pheasants of +political friends to keep abreast of family news. But she had heard +of Clara's windfall now: and finding Aunt Julia innocent, had come +down, determined to impress on Nevil, for his own good, the fatal +mistake of establishing that sort of precedent with poor relations; +Clara, above all: a determination strengthened by Lilamani's evident +predilection for Clara's stepson. + + +When they were gone a great silence fell; a great emptiness. No one +to speak to; nothing to do, for the next five or six hours at least; +unless Ronald returned soon after lunch. And she hoped he would. +Since pheasant-shooting had become an obsession, there had been many +such lonely days; and for the first time since her marriage there +awoke dim longings for that life of the Inside, where the daily round +did not hang entirely on the ways and whims of a man. In Italy there +had been work and comradeship, and certain small duties which she had +insisted on performing for her lord. But here----! Work was, for +the time, in abeyance; and comradeship no less. In this unlovely +craze for slaying beautiful birds by the score, she had no wish to +share; and even the smallest duties were taken out of her hands by +silent, ubiquitous servants, whom she had almost grown to hate. + +To-day incipient illness darkened her despondent mood. The promise +of the morning had not been fulfilled, without or within. Her cold +was decidedly worse; and by now the sky was overcast. A brisk wind +from the west lashed the windows with fine rain. Lilamani sighed. +There seemed no end to this English sky's capacity for tears. Having +completed a long letter to Mrs. Despard, she lunched alone in her +shrine; cooking the meal herself, as always on shooting days; let the +tyrants belowstairs think what they would. + +The lunch post brought two letters: a welcome interlude. One from +her father; one from Audrey. But neither contained cheering news. +Her father wrote that the chances of getting home next spring were +far from certain. At best he could only hope for a flying visit; and +she must not count too much on that. Audrey's was a belated answer +to Lilamani's invitation for Christmas; a week, at least. +Disappointing here also. Audrey wrote with sincere regret. For +Lilamani's sake she had forced herself to live down the dread of +seeing these two as man and wife. But there had been illness at +home, and much nursing; and now she herself had "gone all to pieces." +The doctor prescribed a long rest if she hoped to be fit for India in +the spring; and directly it was possible she would go straight out to +Antibes. She would try for a night or two at Bramleigh on her way +through---- + +Antibes! Antibes! Headland of blessed memories. Every nerve in +Lilamani ached for the glowing warmth and colour of it all; the +laughter of the sun upon that sapphire sea with its foam of diamonds; +and his strong, warm kisses on her face when she lifted it to him +shielding her eyes. Lying there on her couch by the rain-blurred +window, half-thinking, half-dreaming, she fell into a light doze, +from which Madgwick's knock roused her with a start. + +Young Mr. Sinclair was in the drawing-room, said Madgwick, and sent +to ask was her ladyship at leisure? + +Yes. Her ladyship would come at once; though burning eyeballs and +chilled limbs made her wish she had been left to sleep on. + +His young concern at sight of her, his protective airs of budding +manhood, were very engaging, slang or no. He was a tactless duffer +to have disturbed her. A cold made you feel so rotten; and it was +stunning of her to come down. Just like her sweetness! But, having +come, would she please lie there--he dragged the Chesterfield half +across the hearth-rug--and not trouble about him any more than if he +were the fender-stool! He sat down on it forthwith and produced a +silver cigarette-case; her gift. + +"Just one. You're not rigid about it, are you?" + +"Oh, no." + +"And you don't want to hear how many brace we shot?" + +"No--please." + +The delicate wrinkling of her nose emphasized her recoil from all +thought of the beautiful slaughtered birds; and he drew her on +instead to talk of her own country, its legends, ideals and beliefs. + +From the first she had felt singularly at ease with this sympathetic +young cousin, whom she treated frankly as a brother; there being +small distinction in her own land between the two. In truth, she +admitted to him a closer intimacy than George; first because of his +youth, and second because, for all his frank admiration, he never +troubled her with his eyes. + +While they sat talking dusk drew on, peopling the great dim room with +restless lights and shadows from the blazing wood fire, worshipped by +Lilamani only a few degrees less than the sun. She was feeling +soothed and rested; headache almost forgotten; when an unmistakable +step sounded without and Lady Roscoe came briskly in. + +"No lamps!" Her surprise was tinged with irritation. "We expected +to find tea all ready. Why on earth are you two moping in the dark?" + +"Not moping," Lilamani answered, a faint note of challenge in her +tone. "I had a headache. It was pleasant; and I forgot the tea. I +am sorry. Please to ring, Ronald." + +He obeyed, and moved towards the door; anxious, boy-like, to escape +"ructions" that seemed to lurk in the militant tone of Cousin Jane. +Directly the door closed on him, she spoke. + +"He's not half a sportsman, that boy. A great mistake to have him +always idling about the house. I shall tell Nevil. Quite easy to +find some young fellow on the spot, who would come in now and again, +and do just as well." + +Lilamani roused herself and sat upright. + +"No. You are mistaking," she said, with unwonted decision. "Others +would not suit, like Ronald. And we are so glad for chance to help. +He--Nevil, is thinking to train him for land-agent here, like his +father wished." + +"Agent, is he? That's the first I've heard of it. Nevil seems +remarkably solicitous for Clara and her contingent all of a sudden. +Or is it you that are so keen, because she happens to have a +good-looking stepson?" + +The question was unworthy of Jane. But sport had been poor, and she +was annoyed at finding no tea; or she might have refrained. The +thrust glanced harmlessly aside. + +"Yes. I am liking Ronald very much. But especially I am glad to +help because of that smallest son--godson you call ... of Nevil's +name----" + +Had Lady Roscoe been in another rank of life she would have sniffed. +As it was, her smile had more than a hint of scepticism. + +"That's all very well, my dear. Very charming in theory. But if +Nevil is still such an infatuated fool that he will dash off +twenty-pound cheques to order whenever one of Clara's chronically +sick offsprings needs a change----" + +She broke off short, for Lilamani had sprung up and stood confronting +her; anger smouldering in her eyes. + +"That is unkindness and untruth! He--he is not like ... what you +say; and you shall not speak such rude words of him to me!" + +Jane, though hardly less amazed than Balaam on a memorable occasion, +was by no means nonplussed. + +"Your wifely airs and graces are quite thrown away on me, child," +said she with her exasperating air of condescension. "It strikes me +the rudeness is on your side; and I shall say precisely what I please +about my own brother. For it's true." + +"Not true!" Lilamani flashed back fiercely. "It is simply ... you +cannot understand such big feeling. You said same thing before----" + +"I? What d'you mean? I've never mentioned the subject." + +Lilamani, realizing her slip, went hot all over. "What do you mean?" +Jane persisted, angered at her silence. + +"It's pure invention on your part. Just to make mischief, I suppose." + +"Not invention." Lilamani's tone had grown suddenly cool and +restrained. "Only--being angry, I made mistake. I was +forgetting----" + +"What, pray?" + +"I ... cannot explain." + +"Very mysterious! Perhaps 'won't' would be nearer the mark." + +At that Lilamani's head went up. + +"You are right. Better to speak truth. I will not explain. That is +all." + +Then--startled at her own temerity, she went swiftly out through the +morning-room, avoiding the large hall. + +Even as she went, Madgwick appeared. + +"Lamps, please. And tea in the large hall," said Jane. + +Nevil crossed him in the doorway, and looked quickly round. + +"Hullo! Where's Lilamani?" + +Jane made an ungracious movement of her shoulders. + +"Gone off in a fit of temper----" + +"Temper? She?" + +"Yes. Is it news to you that she has one? Is she always butter and +honey with you?" + +Nevil ignored the question. + +"Ronald says that she's not at all well. What did you say to upset +her?" + +"Merely commented on your latest bit of folly about Clara, and she +flew out at me furiously. I suppose one may express an opinion about +you to your divinity, who seems peculiarly unwilling to bestow any of +her butter and honey on me----" + +"My dear Jane--that's all nonsense!" + +"My dear Nevil, it's a fact. I've been as decent as I could to her +for your sake; and at least she might be moderately pleasant in +return. It can't be----" she eyed him with sudden keenness. "You +weren't mad enough to show her my first letter?" + +"Oh, Lord, no!" He fairly flung out the denial; thankful for the +sheltering dusk. + +"Then it's sheer whim, and you should give her a good talking to. +One reads that Indian wives are paragons of obedience. But yours, +under all her surface sulkiness, seems no better than a spoilt child; +and you, in your blind infatuation, are laying up a bad time for +yourself----" + +"Look here, Jane"--Nevil's voice had a touch of her own +decision--"you don't understand Lilamani. Never will. I do: and +there's an end of the matter. She's my wife----" + +"She is also mistress of the dear old Place, worse luck, and the +possible mother of future Sinclairs. Though I tell you frankly, it's +my fervent hope that if children must come of this crazy marriage +there may at least be no son----" + +"For God's sake, keep your fervent hopes to yourself!" Nevil cried +out sharply, white-hot anger in his eyes: and turning on his heel he +went out, leaving her to put her own construction on his flash of +wrath. + +All things considered, it did not displease her. She took it for +indication that her shaft had gone between the joints of his harness +and touched the one weak spot in his seeming blind content. She was +sorry to have hurt him. But, on the whole, he deserved it. Upon +which righteous conclusion, she went in search of tea. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +"Weak souls are apt to lose themselves in others; whereas it is in +others that the strong soul discovers itself."--MAETERLINCK. + + +It was Christmas Eve. The empty rooms and silent passages of +Bramleigh Beeches were alive with footsteps and voices and the high +clear music of children's laughter. All the pulses of the staid old +house seemed athrob with the immemorial spirit of the day: that +child-spirit of loving and giving that shines, like a star fallen on +a dust-heap, through all the cynical indifference and vulgarization +of our sophisticated age, even as it shone in the Bethlehem Manger +near two thousand years ago. Lilamani's eager interest in all that +concerned this "Great Birthday and festival of children-worship" made +her husband the more desirous to show her the traditional English +Christmas at its best. Hence his readiness to invite Clara, that the +child element might be supreme; as indeed it had been ever since the +coming of the "contingent." Rather more so than Nevil cared about. +But he had said little, and devoted himself strenuously to his first +big, complex picture--the meeting between Rāma and Sita in +the hour of victory. + +And now the days of fevered activity, of secret preparation, were at +an end. In the morning-room a home-grown Christmas tree, bedecked to +the last parcel, the last tinsel star, stood alone in the dusk +awaiting its brief apotheosis on the morrow. Windows, doorways, and +portraits of distinguished Sinclairs, bore their yearly burden of +evergreens starred with the living scarlet of holly, the moonlike +pallor of mistletoe. George had not failed to catch and kiss his +alluring sister-in-law under the great bunch in the large hall with +results that plunged the simple-minded soldier in amazement and +dismay. She had thrust him fiercely from her, cheeks and eyes +ablaze, rubbing the desecrated waxen lobe of her ear as though an +insect had stung her: and it had needed much soothing and explaining +from Nevil--who rejoiced not a little at his brother's +discomfiture--to restore peace. Only in Phillippa's memory the +pin-prick rankled. Not the kiss itself, but his desire of it, his +exceeding readiness seemed to justify a fundamental doubt of her +lover that at times threatened to wreck the "sound and satisfactory" +engagement altogether. + +By now the clan was assembled in force; Sinclairs, by blood and +marriage, sixteen in all. No outsider save Leslie de Winton; her +advent the one bitter drop in Lilamani's present cup of content. +Yesterday had brought Nevil's crowning surprise: Christina, home on a +brief holiday at her brother's expense; an extravagance Jane herself +could not cavil at. For promise of success was in the air. Even she +could doubt it no longer. Cultivated London was manifestly impressed +by the picture at the Goupil Gallery. Captious and contradictory +critics concurred in recognizing that Sir Nevil Sinclair was no +longer to be dismissed with the kid-glove applause due to a gifted +and titled amateur, but dealt with faithfully as an artist very well +worth watching. Better still, in Jane's regard, had been rumours of +a purchaser; an art patron with a discerning eye for new talent and a +long purse. A week ago rumour had crystallized into fact. +Negotiations were in progress. Hence his wire to Christina. + +And to-day, sitting alone in his studio, smoking the pipe of +reflection while daylight ebbed, he found himself looking back upon +the casual, aimless amateur of ten months ago as upon another Nevil +Sinclair in another life. Ten months; an infinitesimal fraction of +man's allotted time on earth; yet into them had been concentrated +more of real living, feeling, thinking, and doing than he had known +in the ten years that were as stepping-stones to his appointed goal. +The surprise of it all smote him afresh in meditative moments like +the present. Almost it seemed as if the instant he set eyes on the +Arabian Nights' Princess in her balcony, the current of destiny had +changed its course. Through her and the love that was her genius, he +had found not merely himself, but a new world and new values. Yet +now--when promise of achievement crowned the twofold joy of love and +possession, the one shadow in his sunlight was just this small +passionate woman who filled so great a space in his life. + +It needed no word of complaint from her, no glaring social failure or +open clash with Jane to convince him that her new rôle was as +ill-suited to her as she to it. Six weeks of shooting and +shooting-parties had tried her sorely; and Ronald Sinclair's boyish +devotion had cost her more than one jarring scene with Jane, though +she had not grasped as yet the underlying implication. + +He in his fashion had been tried by return visits to the "needless +ones." But what would you? He was not the man to send her forth +alone in quest of the British matron on her native hearth-rug; and in +the course of these dutiful peregrinations from tea-table to +tea-table Nevil Sinclair had perceived more clearly than his wife +that not even his own prestige as one of the county could reconcile +Bramleigh to the fatal Hindu-ness of his girl-wife. For Bramleigh, +being High Church to its kid-glove finger-tips, was disposed to be +more zealous in the manner of correct genuflexions and the strict +keeping of holy days than in fulfilling the law of love. The former +is so much simpler and leaves such a gratifying after-glow of +self-righteousness; while the unloved brother is too often unlovable +to boot. At best Nevil foresaw kindness tempered with condescension +such as the Rajput spirit of his Lilamani would not brook: nor his +own Anglo-Saxon one either, if it came to that. + +The only result, so far, had been a sparse crop of invitations to +dinner; and once or twice, in a dutiful mood, he had suggested +acceptance. Lilamani had looked pathetic and submissive; Nevil, +thankful to spare her, when feasible, had refused. For himself, he +was glad enough not to go. But, at this rate, what of the future, +for her? In the summer there would be Helen Despard and, when +possible, Christina. Outside these two, if she could not have him, +it seemed that she preferred to be alone. + +The modification of their own close comradeship had been no less +unwelcome to him than to her; but his masculine nature saw it as +inevitable, if he were rightly to fulfil himself as artist, +landowner, and husband. The Italian conditions had a perfection and +fitness all their own. They could be renewed; and should. But they +were manifestly incompatible with the demands of the moment. Even +when the shooting obsession gave place to a renewed zest for work, +there was much in the complex picture now on hand in which she had no +part. The crowded background, being new to him, brought fresh +faculties into play; while his fastidious eye for grouping and the +thematic use of colour made him untiring in regard to preliminary +studies, the groundwork of all fine achievement. + +At this time the week-end brought artist friends in place of "guns." +With these Lilamani had seemed more at her ease; and Nevil himself +had frankly enjoyed picking up the threads of his lapsed friendship +with Leslie de Winton. Apart from the stimulant of talk with a +fellow-worker on totally different lines, he found Leslie's comments, +whether of blame or praise, singularly illuminating. Once or twice +the two had sat up talking in the studio till near midnight; while +Lilamani lay throbbingly awake with murder in her heart. Her +complete silence, since that first protest, deceived her husband into +the belief that she had accepted the friendship for what it was +worth: and he enjoyed it accordingly while the mood for mental +stimulant was upon him. + +At this time he would have dearly liked a short spell in town. But +to leave Lilamani was as yet unthinkable; and to take her there +hardly less so. By way of experiment he had suggested spending two +nights with Broome before Clara came; Mrs. Broome being away. He had +baited the suggestion with the promise that on Sunday she should hear +a service at the Abbey, and on Monday buy Christmas presents to her +heart's content in a shop full of Indian arts and crafts. For in the +"gift-buying" phase of the Great Birthday, she could and would take +her full share; investing it, in true Eastern fashion, with a +sanctity rarely dreamed of by professing Christians; and Nevil had +need of all his authority to save her from spending every penny she +possessed. + +As for that service, in the dim, richly-toned twilight of the Abbey, +it surpassed her most exalted imaginings. Kneeling beside her +husband at its close, in awe-smitten ecstasy, while sonorous organ +music vibrated through all her sensitive frame, the innately +religious heart of her cried out like Festus, "Almost thou persuadest +me to be a Christian." Not to be at one with her husband in so great +and vital a matter hurt her more keenly than he ever guessed; while +yet the ancient wisdom of her race warned her that, if change so +radical could be genuinely achieved, it must neither be forced nor +hurried. And on that morning, in the hush that fell upon her soul +when the music ceased, something within whispered that in due time +the change would come--as come all great living changes--slowly, +imperceptibly, like the opening of a flower. + +Yes; the great church, the great shop were wonderful exceedingly; +each in its own fashion. But London itself--a monstrous fog-blurred +phantasmagoria of life and death, laughter and tears--that was +another matter altogether. Driving from Waterloo Station through +mean streets, grimed with past fogs and seen through the ochre veil +of a present one, she had clung to her husband's arm as to a +life-belt in mid-ocean, shrinking close against him, frightened, +repelled. To her vivid fancy it seemed that they fared through some +hideous fashion of Hell, through which lost souls in their hundreds +surged aimlessly to and fro. + +"Oh, Nevil, is all this noise and ugliness your so great city?" she +had ventured, after looking for improvement and finding none. + +"Only one unsightly corner of it, at a very unbecoming time of year!" +he had explained, smiling. + +"And do people really live here, who have choice to live otherwheres?" + +"Yes. Hundreds. Wait till you see Broome's house. London's not +half so black as she looks at first sight, little wife." + +"Not----?" A sudden fear seized her. "But you--would you ever----?" + +"No--I've no such deadly designs!" he hastened to reassure her. "Of +course, I'd enjoy an occasional month or two in town. But I promised +your father I would never keep you here long, or ask you to live +here." + +Her sigh of relief spoke volumes. + +"Ah, wise one! He knew how the wings of my soul would become +crushed--broken in so nightmare a place." + +The two wonder-days that followed were days not readily to be +forgotten. + +None the less, on Monday she sped joyfully back to clean air and grey +skies. + +"Like a bird escaped from the snare of the fowler!" Nevil had said, +laughing as he lifted her from the landau; while in his heart he +relinquished forthwith the desired fortnight in town. He would +devote himself instead to the completion of his big picture by the +end of the year. + + +It was close on completion now; and, though far from faultless, he +saw that it was good. Yet, as he sat smoking in the dusk, a shadow +clouded the native serenity of his eyes and brow. + +The past week had been a trying one. Neither Clara herself nor +Clara's children were attractive specimens of their kind; and +Sinclair was fastidious to a fault. + +Mrs. Lunn wore her air of resigned martyrdom with ostentation. "They +childer," she confided to her ally, Mr. Barnes, "with their 'can'ts' +an' 'wont's' an' their ever-lastin' muddiness are a deal more trouble +in the house than twenty normals. An' the way her ladyship fags +after 'em, ill or well, gits me altogether." + +It "got" her husband also, after another fashion. Almost he could +forgive these undisciplined intruders on his peace, for the sake of +the new Lilamani their presence brought to light. Her twofold joy in +their mere youth, and in her own opportunity for service, was a +lovely thing to see. All the true womanly charm of her--dimmed of +late by vain strivings to be the thing she was not--shone out with +fresh lustre when seen against the right background. But man, though +reputed more reasonable than woman, is nothing if not--well, let us +say human; and the sudden preoccupation of this new Lilamani in +things other than himself gave Nevil Sinclair the first real twinge +of jealousy he had known. In her zeal to give the overtaxed widow +some measure of rest she spent herself without stint. For, as usual, +Clara was ailing, even after her month at the sea; and within three +days of their coming, Cissy, aged five, developed tonsils and a +temperature, to Nevil's disgust. + +Lilamani, armed with a confused jumble of Audrey's teaching and +Mataji's primitive skill, begged leave to nurse the child: and +Clara--amazed at this heaven-sent heathen cousin-in-law--murmured oh, +no, she really mustn't; while devoutly hoping that she would. Nevil +remonstrated in private. Lilamani looked pathetic; and won the day. +Nevil, half angry, half adoring, had carried Ronald off to the studio +and devoted himself to studies of Rāma for the ordeal scene; +while Lilamani did what she could for her fractious disobedient +charge. + +Between Cissy and Christmas parcels and the privilege of bathing Baby +Nevil every night, it had been a hard week. And though the spirit +rejoiced in service, flesh rebelled. That first cold had led to a +second, which left her curiously tired, with a small dry cough that +broke her sleep and stirred vague apprehensions in her husband's +heart. But Cissy revived; and Nevil welcomed the influx of the clan +that would merge Clara's contingent in the general crowd. + +More than all he welcomed Christina, whose love and understanding of +Lilamani came within measurable distance of his own. It was his hope +that her tact and good temper might serve to mitigate friction with +Jane. The latter had scarce been three hours in the house when some +disparaging comment upon Clara had fired Lilamani to hot retort; and +there had followed as near an approach to a scene as good breeding on +both sides would permit. Nevil, for once, had spoken sharply to them +both, and been at odds with himself ever since. + +Discord, whether in sound, colour, or human relation jarred the whole +nature of the man; and it was this increasing antagonism between wife +and sister that clouded his brow to-night; the more so since he was +honest enough to recognize that Lilamani herself, though never the +aggressor, was the more implacably hostile of the two. Jane's +friendliness was a rough-cut jewel at best; and her not very gracious +attempts to proffer it had been barren of result. Mercifully, she +had never reverted to the letter; had in fact almost forgotten it; +while every sentence lived poignantly in Lilamani's brain. If only +she had trusted him and left those cruel words unread, it was at +least conceivable that all might have gone well in time. Devoted as +he was, he could not quite exonerate her from blame, though always he +blamed Jane more for the writing of them; and his own unthinking +carelessness most of all. + +Is it one of life's inimitable ironies, or proof conclusive that +accident is not--this growth of tragedy from the chance-flung seed of +careless unthinking acts? There were moments when it maddened Nevil +Sinclair to contemplate all that those half-dozen lines left in his +blotter had brought to birth; and to-night he bethought him of an +appeal to his wife. Hitherto he had stood aside of set purpose. +Even the name of Jane was tacitly avoided between them. But the +season, with its insistence on peace and goodwill, seemed to pave the +way for speech; and an innate strain of loyalty to the sister he +could not love impelled him to do what lay in his power. + +The odd thing was that he could by no means foresee the result. At +least he knew where to find her at this time of evening: and rising, +squared his shoulders as one resolved not to countenance defeat. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + "Mine ear is full of the murmur of rocking cradles; + 'For a single Cradle,' says Nature, 'I would give every + one of my graves----'" + ROUMANIAN BALLAD. + + +The door of the day-nursery stood ajar; his own day-nursery, the one +room in the house where the spirit of his mother seemed still to +linger. He had grudged it not a little to Dick's unruly offspring. +But well he knew how she would have approved, both the act of +fellow-kindness and her who had urged it--that fragile-sweet wife of +his, who, for all her gentleness, seemed rather to set her impress on +others than to take colour from the enveloping influences of the West. + +As he neared the door a low crooning reached him; broken wordless +music, and gurglings of baby laughter. He guessed her alone with the +"man-child called of his name," whom she had longed to hold in her +arms; and, promising himself a glimpse of her unseen, went forward +lightly, without sound. A gentle push when he reached the door; and +a long pause while he stood on the threshold scarce daring to +breathe; the artist entranced, the man inly and deeply stirred. + +At the far end of the great dim room she sat, in a mellow zone of +light from the green-shaded lamp on the table at her side. A flannel +apron shielded her silken daintiness; and on it lay the two-year-old +boy in all his pristine rosiness and roundness, kicking out dimpled +legs and stretching up eager hands to the glitter of gold and glass +dangled above him just out of reach. Rapt, entranced, Lilamani +leaned over him, brow, cheek, and delicately aquiline nose outlined +in light; the curve and tinting of her lifted arm a picture in +itself. Released from strict mourning, she wore her night-sky _sari_ +of betrothal, and the great wood-fire woke quivering points of light +in breast-girdle and armlets, rings and shining shoes. + +A Madonna true to type, was the man's thought. Some day he would +paint her thus, with the mother-worship in her eyes. And the +child----? + +A sudden pang smote him. Jane's voice proclaiming her fervent hope +came to him, startlingly clear, across the intervening weeks. Jane, +for whom he had come to speak, could find it in her heart to wish--to +hope----. Now as then, white-hot wrath flamed up in him. And +yet----? Had he himself----? + +"Oh Nevil--I did not hear----!" + +An unconscious movement had betrayed him; and her low voice put +questionings to flight. + +"Sorry if I startled you," he said, smiling. "I may come in?" + +"Dear lord--what need to ask?" + +She glanced from him to the child, and the colour flooded her face: +part shyness, part emotion. It was the first time he had sought her +out in these regions. That unworthy twinge of jealousy forbade. +Even to-night he would scarcely have come, but for Jane. Well, at +least he owed her one unforgetable moment; and such return as he +could make was very much at her service. + +With an undersense of treading on holy ground, he went forward and +stood beside his wife. + +"A bonny little chap," said he, looking down at the jubilant creature +that rollicked on her arm. "You'll miss him when he goes." + +She nodded; then glanced up at him, softly content. "You were +wanting me?" + +"Am I ever doing anything else worth speaking of?" he asked with a +sudden access of lover's ardour, that quickened every pulse in her +body; and catching his hand that hung near, she pressed it to her +lips. Even after nine months of marriage this was still almost her +only spontaneous form of caress. There fell a silence. Two cinders +clinked on to the hearth, and the small Nevil chuckled at some +private joke of his own. + +"I was meaning--did you want me for special reason?" she said. + +"Well--yes. I'd like a talk in the studio before dinner." + +"I also. I will come." + +Deftly and quickly she slipped on the small night-things, untied her +apron and rising, stood before him with the other Nevil clinging +about her neck, his petal-soft cheek against her own. + +"Just one minute for putting him in bed," said she. + +"No--no!" in commanding tones from the embryo lord of creation, +jigging up and down like a thing on wires; and she pressed him +closer, her lips caressing his hair. + +"Little Auntie says yes, O Princeling. And not to cry," she told +him, a hint of authority in her cooing tone that the child never +heard in his mother's and instinctively obeyed. + +Then she passed on to the night-nursery, with the rhythmical grace of +movement that was hers, and the man stood looking after her with very +mingled feelings at his heart. It annoyed him that he must needs +dispel her mood of mother-tenderness with sententious talk of Jane. +He wanted simply to make love to her, to enjoy their rare moment +alone; wanted it still more when she sped back to him with flying +draperies, and slipped a hand through his as they went. + +Till the studio door closed upon them neither spoke. Then it was the +woman, softly solicitous. + +"Dearest, what now? Something troubling you? Difficult to say?" + +And he, pressing the fingers he still held: "Little witch! How did +you know?" + +"From your eyes; from your touch of hand," she answered simply. +"True?" + +"Yes, true. Better speak straight and be done. It's about Jane." + +Chin and brows went up ever so slightly, and the gleam that recalled +her father lightened in her eyes. + +"You are still vexed for that? I am sorry. But how to help being +angry? She has no kind feeling when there is trouble. Her heart is +little and dried up like a nut. Oh, forgive that I speak like that +of your sister! But it is truth. Pity that we must talk of her at +this so happy time." + +"A pity indeed. I own I shirked it, as you realized before I spoke. +And yet--isn't this 'so happy time' just the right moment, Lilamani? +My dear little Hindu wife has been so eager to share the spirit of +our Christmas festival; and the core of it is peace and goodwill. +Could you choose a better time than this for trying to think more +kindly of her?" + +"I? Oh Nevil--it is _she_----!" + +"Lilamani, ask yourself--is it _only_ she?" + +The blue eyes, that were her heaven, looked straightly, almost +sternly into her own; a look that steeped the whole of her in one +burning blush. Yet she returned it bravely while he went on: "I know +her manner is often brusque and disagreeable to the verge of +rudeness, and yours never. She is hard, unimaginative, everything +almost that you are not. But in her own queer fashion she did try, +just at first, to be friendly with you, for my sake. Did you ever +try to make a shadow of response?" + +"No," she answered very low, her voice steady as her gaze; and for +the unadorned directness of that denial he admired her the more. + +"Isn't the door of your heart bolted and barred against her?" + +"Yes. How shall it be otherwise--ever?" + +"But, my darling!" His dismay held a note of reproach: "You--the +soul of tenderness--how can you be so implacably unforgiving?" + +"In our belief there are things it is not good to forgive. Insult to +great race of my father, and cruel wound to you, lord of my life. +Only by chance was it that in my madness I did not go from you, +leaving you without Sita for your so great pictures. Can inmost +heart of me ever forget--ever forgive?" + +The very quietness of her tone intensified its primitive fierceness +of conviction. Before it, he stood speechless, half in amaze, half +in admiration. Here was no pretty child to be coaxed into good +behaviour; but a woman with all her woman's heart on fire of such +strong love and hate as are the heritage of her emotional race. + +Capturing one small clenched hand he drew her nearer. "Not an easy +task," he said gently. "But you have never tried. Won't you try +now, Lilamani, for your lord's sake--and for the sake of the Great +Birthday we shall keep to-morrow?" + +"Oh, Nevil!" She drew a deep breath. "Easy to make such promise +with the lips. But how to keep? Loving and hating are not any more +to be commanded than sun or sea." + +"No; but at least controlled," said he of the West, using the +key-word of his race. "And you have to remember this, little wife, +that although Jane may be harsh and prejudiced, the real trouble on +your side springs from your having read a letter you were never meant +to see----" + +She started. "You are still thinking I did wrong by that?" + +"In a sense--yes. But it was a great temptation; and I blame myself +more than all. I hardly realized then what a proud, fiery-hearted +little woman I had to deal with. But unhappily, the thing's done. +You know what Jane must never guess that you know; and it follows +that you must either be more forgiving or be constantly misjudged by +one who is already prejudiced, and who is, after all, my sister. I +don't want things to come to such a pass that she shall feel herself +unwelcome in my father's house; and this incessant friction hurts me +even more than it hurts either of you. So you see, it is for my sake +I ask you not to go on cherishing anger, but to give your own tender +heart a chance. Will you try?" + +For a long minute she stood silent and very still, but for the +quickened rise and fall of her breast. Even now he did not feel sure +of her answer, till she unveiled her eyes. + +"King of me--I will try," she said gravely; and the concession was a +bigger one than he realized. "I cannot promise for succeeding. But +because your wish is like command to me, I will try." + +Then, with a swift, enchanting transition from Indian to English +wife, she lifted her lips for the reward that was her due. + +"Now--shall we have a quiet time here till dinner?" he asked, his arm +still round her. "Or have you a hundred more things to do?" + +"Only to fill three small pair stockings in my shrine." + +"Santa Claus, masquerading in _sari_ and spangles!" he said, smiling. +"Are the contents a sacred secret? Or may I come too?" + +"Come too." + +But as he opened the door of her room, she flew past him with a +little cry: "Oh, I had forgot----!" + +The lid of her sandalwood casket stood open, and she closed it +swiftly as he came up. Never yet had he seen its contents; and +knowing her a creature hedged about with reserves, had refrained from +question. But the last few minutes had brought them very near +together; and now, obeying his natural impulse, he spoke. + +"Shall I ever be allowed to see the treasure hidden in your holy of +holies, little wife? I have often wondered what it might be, and +when you would think me worthy----" + +"_You_? Oh, dearest--that was never my thought! It is only---- How +to explain? Indian wife has always some private god for worship; not +speaking his name to any, even to her husband. But now--I am trying +also to be English wife. There comes no priest between us, as often +in India. And--if you are really wishing----" + +"I am wishing very much----" he said quietly; and she, with head +reverently bowed, lifted the lid. + +It has been said that to overhear the prayer of a man is to know him; +and Nevil Sinclair, looking down upon the tiny blue image of +Babyhood, gold-crowned, with gilded lute and scroll, had a sense of +overhearing the most intimate prayer of his wife's heart. The +primitive simplicity of it moved him beyond speech; and it was she +who broke the silence, speaking softly with lowered eyes. + +"That is Krishna. Him you have read with me in Bhagavad Gita. That +colouring of blue--like sea and sky--is for symbol of infinite. +Scroll is for symbol also, meaning the Gita; and lute because he was +humbly born among cow-herds, by river Jumna, even like your Christ in +that manger. For us he also is Holy Child, Healer of World-disease, +Shepherd and Lord. Indian mothers are calling this Baby-image their +Gopala, little cow-herd; and to him we pray always for desire of the +heart----" + +A pause. Her own heart's desire and secret fear trembled on the +verge of utterance. Never in their most blessed moments of intimacy +had she felt quite so near to him she worshipped; so certain that he +would understand. Secure in that certainty, she found courage to +speak on. + +"To him I pray also for the coming--of that other, too long delayed. +And though yet he is not seeming to hear, surely there will come +promise soon." Her voice dropped a tone; and she spoke as one who +consoled him for lack of that which he needs must crave. "Then you +can no longer feel--I am useless wife----" + +"Useless! You--my Sita, my main source of inspiration! What put +such a notion into your head?" + +"Nothing put. It is natural," she answered quietly. "I am--oh, so +glad for the pictures. But they cannot always be. And then--what +use for wife who cannot command servants, or shoot with gun, or make +all kinds of talk for dinner-table, unless--by giving of that great +gift----" + +She could say no more. His arm was round her; his lips against her +cheek. + +"My darling, you must never think such foolishness again. And as +for--the other---- All in good time. Why, you're still almost a +child yourself----" + +"I am _not_! I am woman!" she cried out with sudden vehemence; +contradicting him flatly for the first time and half withdrawing +herself from his clasp. And he, looking back on the past half-hour, +knew that she spoke truth. + +"You are. Very much so. I spoke thoughtlessly," he admitted, +smiling. "But still--it's full early to be troubling your head about +it. And if it's me you're concerned for, you may set your mind at +rest----" + +"You mean, you do not--you have never----?" His attempt at +reassurance chilled her strangely. He seemed suddenly very far away. +"In all these months you have not thought--have not wished----?" + +"Is that very dreadful of me?" he asked, drawing her closer; puzzled +to know what was wrong. "I suppose the truth is I've been so well +content with my Sita Dévi and the splendid field of work she has +opened up for me, that there has hardly been space for other wishes, +other hopes----" + +"Nev--il! Nev--il! Are you there?" + +The voice was Leslie de Winton's; and Sinclair felt the small shiver +with which his wife released herself. + +"Go now. They are wanting you," she said hurriedly, as the call came +again. + +"Yes, yes--I'm coming," he answered impatiently. Then, to her: "No +quiet time, after all, I'm afraid. But remember, little wife, you're +not to brood about me. I'm in no hurry to share you with anyone; and +quite content with things as they are." + +He was gone; and she stood alone beside the open casket, his final +reassurance sounding ironically in her ears. + +Nine months married, and neither thought nor desire of fatherhood had +been his! That which was, for her, the sum and crown of marriage, +was for him a mere side-issue. He was in no hurry for that greatest +gift it was her one desire to give. With no Indian husband could it +have been so. It was the first time she had compared him thus with +one of her own race; had recognized with piercing clearness that on +this supreme subject they must needs speak and think in different +tongues, spiritually; be their hearts never so close entwined. True, +the Hindu sees in his son not merely the torch of life passed on, but +the prime factor in that complex transaction, the future welfare of +his own soul. Yet even an English husband, for whom wife and son +have less of spiritual significance, must surely crave the certainty +of an heir to carry on his name; the more so when there are broad +lands and an ancestral home, that must otherwise go elsewhere----. + +At this point memory flashed a paralysing sentence through her +brain--a sentence branded there six months ago, and lightly overlaid +with happier things: "A native mistress at Bramleigh Beeches! +Half-caste sons to carry on the name of which we are so rightly +proud----" + +It was as though a scorpion had stung her. Could it be--that he, her +King, shared, even in a small degree, his sister's racial recoil from +mixed blood, even of the best? In the deep of his heart did he dread +rather than desire the price of possession? It would be like him to +feign jealousy of that other, sooner than let her guess----. + +Dismay flowed over her like the waters of a cold and bitter sea. All +strength seemed to go out of her. Outlines wavered. She swayed a +little where she stood. And yet--she could not, she would not so +much as harbour the thought. Loyalty forbade. Nonetheless, did she +foreknow that the hideous thing would return again and yet again to +torment her, whenever the way of life was hard or the wheels of being +low. + +Already it shadowed her joy in this great festival of +children-worship. And as she closed the casket two tear-drops +splashed the Baby image of Him on whom all things are threaded "as +gems on a string": that Blessed One, too preoccupied, it seemed, with +the troubles of the orthodox to heed the secret cry of her heart. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + "Life is stronger than a single soul."--HERRICK. + + +Rain and wind; wind and rain; rattling at blurred casements, lashing +and battering the patient trees. + +Lilamani Sinclair, sick in body and soul, lay listening to the +unwearied rush and patter of it in the premature dusk of a February +afternoon; till it seemed as though the downpour beat upon her bared +nerves, and the wind blew chill through her heart. Now and again the +hard dry cough--born of that first cold and never quite +dispelled--shook her unmercifully, and drove shafts of pain through +her head. Otherwise she lay motionless, with closed eyes, acutely +aware of alternating cadences in the storm without; while images and +sensations drifted to and fro in her brain scarce coherently enough +for thought. + +Nominally, she was resting in obedience to doctor's orders, enforced +by Nevil. But true rest implies peace of mind--a condition neither +doctor nor husband could ensure: and true rest had been far from +Nevil Sinclair's wife these many weeks. Morning and night she felt +unaccountably tired--mind, body, and soul; unable to feel strongly +about anything, even about the pictures, her one supreme link with +the artist and the man. They were nearing an end now; the last one +already on the easel; the private view fixed for the first week in +March. Rejoice though she might in this his great consummation, for +her it meant a break beyond which she could see nothing plain, save +that he must needs embark on others in which she would probably have +no share. And she--with no life of the Inside, and small taste still +for the mixed social life of the outside--how would it be with her +then----? Unless--unless----? + +But no beacon of promise gleamed in that direction. Nor could she +hope and pray with the same whole-hearted fervour since the cruel +instant of illumination in her shrine. Loyally though she strove +against that haunting suspicion, the pain and dismay that had +engendered it still acted like a bruise under the skin. How long ago +it seemed, viewed across the grey stretch of half-hearted illness and +yet more half-hearted convalescence that lay between. + +Yet, pain or no, that Christmas fortnight showed like an oasis in the +winter's uphill stretch of effort, that seemed to progress at the +rate of three steps forward and two steps back: effort to play her +part as Lady Sinclair, more especially at the dinner-table; effort to +ignore sudden sharp attacks of nostalgia; to still the mother-longing +with its attendant fear; to conquer her jealous hate of Leslie de +Winton and the seemingly established antagonism of Jane. For Nevil's +appeal had been over-long delayed; and though his wife religiously +kept her word, such shy tentative advances as she could bring herself +to make had, as often as not, passed unregarded. Nor were matters +made easier by a disturbing spell of friction between George and +Phil, which Jane shrewdly guessed to be less unfounded than it +seemed. That episode of the mistletoe had rather stimulated the +man's admiration than otherwise. But, since Phillippa had her pride, +and he his modern remnant of chivalry, Lilamani's name was tacitly +avoided by both. Lady Roscoe did not doubt for a moment that the +disturbance would fizzle out in time. Phillippa's reasonableness and +George's good sense were surety for that. None the less she hardened +her heart against the unconscious offender; and Lilamani's reluctant +hand knocked, almost unheard, upon a closed door. + +Happily, after Christmas, meetings had been less frequent. The +obsession of the pheasant gave place to the obsession of the fox, and +the three carried the light of their countenances elsewhere. But +there seemed no evading the malice of the gods. Less of Jane brought +more of Leslie de Winton, who infuriated Lilamani by an almost +proprietary enthusiasm for a subject peculiarly her own. The +intrusion of Janes and Phils, Uncle Bobs and Aunt Julias was as +nothing to the renewal of an intimacy so clearly congenial to Nevil +that his wife could only keep the door of her lips and suffer the +more. + +January and February had been months of strenuous work, interspersed +with Bohemian week-ends that had brought Mrs. Lunn near to despair. +But for Leslie weekends had not sufficed. While the Ordeal scene was +in progress she had frankly begged leave to stay "the clock round," +and her critical, conversational presence in the studio had made +this--the crowning picture of the group--an ordeal indeed. Above all +things Lilamani enjoyed the atmosphere of quiet while her husband +worked. How could she lose herself in Sita and Sita's tragedy, as +she loved to do, while the slow, strong voice jarred on her nerves, +and the deliberate gaze brooded now on her, now on her lord? If the +physical energy of her sister-in-law had made her feel ineffectual, +how much more so did this artist woman's breadth and vigour of brain, +that matched and challenged the brain of the man; that also, in some +subtle fashion, made the things of the heart seem childish, the +things of the spirit shadowy and unreal. Worse than all, the dread +conviction grew in her that here was her lord's true mate of his own +race. Did he not guess it now--yet, at any moment, there might come +the knowledge that would wake him from his "foolish passion outside +control of judgment." And then--then? An end of Lilamani. That was +certain. She would not survive, by so much as five minutes, the +death of his love. + +So passionate a drama of jealousy and pain at work within; and +without a smiling acquiescence that did not altogether deceive her +husband. At the week's end he had apologized, half in jest, for the +infliction, adding: "I know you're not quite in tune with Leslie; but +it's been a real help having her. I find her extraordinarily +stimulating. Always did." + +And she--marvelling how he could stand so blindly on the threshold of +knowledge: "If help to your work, you must not trouble for me." + +"I must and I do," he had answered gravely. "Though you did have +Ronald to balance things a bit!" + +The words were ordinary enough to be scarce worth noting, save for +the veil of constraint, new as it was unwelcome, that too often of +late had hovered between them: so slight a thing, that natures less +sensitive had hardly felt it. The trouble was that neither seemed +able to brush it aside. Perhaps Lilamani had yet to learn that +overmuch self-suppression, however heroic, is good neither for man +nor wife, in the more equalized marriage of the West. She could and +did hide from her husband her remittent attacks of home-sickness, her +secret jealousies. But she could not altogether hide their effect +upon her spirits; and at this time an underlying sense of discord +jarred their daily life; saddening her, irritating him. For in the +last white-heat of inspiration the artist dominated the man; a +passing dominion essential to true creative achievement. + +Now it was he who would fain have recaptured the conditions of their +life on Como; and behold a tired, listless Lilamani--at moments even +a little fretful; her inner self seeming to keep _purdah_ from her +lord. Small wonder if he gravitated toward the only other woman in +any degree able to supply his need. At this time all thoughts, all +interests that did not concern the pictures were apt to be ruthlessly +swept aside. Only deep down, even in the most strenuous hours at his +easel, lurked the ache of anxiety about his wife's health. + +Her first winter in his country without a climate had been a +singularly unlucky one. A drenching November and open December had +given place to bitter weeks of black frost with interludes of snow; +and now February seemed determined to outvie March in the matter of +gales. That early morning escapade and the severe cold which +followed it had left seeds of chest trouble, unnoticed at the time. +The excitement of Christmas, following upon over-much zeal in Clara's +service, had culminated in a fresh chill. Pneumonia supervened; and +slight though the attack was, she had never quite rallied. Doctor +Ransome, fussy and good-hearted, if not a brilliant specimen of his +kind, wrinkled his brow in growing puzzlement over this child of an +alien race, who would have none of the stethoscope, obviously +resented his questions, and in secret watered the evergreens under +her window with his favourite tonic. His faith in that tonic was +invincible as his faith in the British Constitution; and seeing it +fail, he had muttered vaguely of hysteria and nervous depression, +change of air and scene. + +This morning he had spoken straightly to Sir Nevil in his wife's +hearing, bidding him get her out of England as soon as might be, and +keep her out of it till spring's smiling treachery was overpast. +Lilamani's heart leapt at the words. She forgave the old man his +questions and his chest bogey forthwith. But the worried frown on +her husband's brow held her silent. Just at present, he had said, +leaving England was impossible. He would see what could be done. + +Now, while she lay listening to the swish and patter without, their +talk came back to her, and a sudden conviction glowed in her like a +star. India--India! There lay the one certain cure for mind, soul, +and body. To her own home and people she could not go. But India +was a great land and a wide. The mere sight and smell and feel of +the country would instil new life into her veins. Only ten days now, +and her father would be with them for three little weeks. Then--if +they could all return together----! If Nevil would but allow----! + +She started. His step was on the stair; his hand on the door. Now +for courage to broach her daring request. The coincidence of +inspiration and opportunity lit a spark of hope in her heart. + +But at sight of his face it went out. The clear blue of his eyes had +the veiled, tired look not uncommon after long hours at his easel; +and the set of his brows bespoke irritation near the surface. +Listlessness flowed over her again like a Dead Sea wave; and she +waited for him to speak. He came close and stood looking down at her. + +"Well, little wife, it strikes me you've been mooning up here quite +long enough. Rested--are you?" + +"Yes. A little." + +Disappointment lent an added weariness to her tone; and he sighed. + +"Only a little. What's come to your natural sparkle, Jewel of +Delight? Sometimes I think you're overdoing the sofa business. Do, +for my sake, try and pull yourself together instead of drifting +limply like a bit of seaweed. You must know how it spoils everything +to have you lying here day after day, a mere shadow of your true +self. Here's the great end we've both been working for almost in +sight; and really sometimes it's hard to believe you care----" + +"Oh Nevil--dear lord!" she broke in, her lips a-quiver. "Your heart +_must_ know, how I am caring. Only some days there seems no life in +me--for anything. You said once not ever to think--I am useless +wife. But now----" + +"Look here, Lilamani--I've told you that's all nonsense, and you must +believe it. If you let yourself be hag-ridden by such foolish +notions, you'll end in becoming worse than useless." + +"Oh, forgive! It is only--I am ill----" + +He caught the appealing hands held out to him and knelt at her side. + +"Yes. You _are_ ill, in some vague mysterious way. I'm hanged if +old Ransome seems to know what's wrong. Perhaps a specialist----" + +She shrank into her cushions. + +"No, no. Not any more doctor-people, please!" + +"But, my dear, you must be reasonable. How can there be any peace of +mind for me till we get you right? And your father--what will _he_ +say if he thinks I've married you only to kill you by inches----" + +"He is too wise to think any such thing. He will understand how it +is difficult at first for Indian-born when all is so cold--so grey. +Oh Nevil----" the concern in his eyes gave her courage to speak. +"There is one thing that can make me a new Lilamani, better than all +doctors and medicines. It is--when father is going back to +India"--she caught her breath--"if--if we could only go too----" + +"India--India?" he repeated the word in amazed iteration. The idea +was more than a surprise. It was a shock. It recalled too vividly +that one experience of the East which he had no desire to repeat. It +also awakened a new fear. His grasp on her hands tightened. + +"Lilamani, tell me truthfully--is home-sickness at the root of it +all?" + +He did not see that the question was a temptation hard to resist. + +"If--if it is ... then _can_ we go?" she breathed, scarce able to +hold eagerness in check. But the set of his lips gave answer before +he spoke. + +"My dear little wife, can you seriously ask that? Heaven knows it's +hard to refuse you anything, especially at present. But just +consider--with this great house on my hands---- I thought I made my +position pretty clear to you before Christmas." + +"Yes--yes." She bit her lip to steady it. "Only I was hoping--money +from that picture----" + +"Most of it went to help clear the mortgage. The rest to meet +Christmas expenses and the cost of starting our little exhibition." + +She hesitated; then spoke without looking up. "But for such a thing +as this--my own money----" + +"You've been spending that too freely, as it is, on Clara's +children--to say nothing of your own expenses. You don't realize +what it costs to dress a Lilamani in mother-o'-pearl and night-sky +_saris_, still less what it would cost to take her out to India----" + +She sighed. "Then--then father? He would so gladly----" + +"My darling, you are tantalizing yourself to no purpose," Nevil +checked her with a touch of impatience. "India's impossible--for a +dozen reasons. You must just be plucky and accept the fact." + +"You mean--you do not wish----" + +She could get no further. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and sobs +shook the whole of her slight frame. + +In a moment her husband's arms were round her, his lips on hers. "My +little one--my poor little one! Is it as bad as all that? Didn't +you realize, when we married, that most probably--you would never see +India again?" + +"Y--yes." + +"And did you mind so terribly--then?" + +"N--no." + +"Yet now--has England, and the whole life here, been such an utter +failure?" + +"No--no!" she clung to him, quivering. "Only--I could not help for +hoping. But--if you do not wish----" + +"I wish above everything to get a well and happy Lilamani back again. +I'm so hedged around at present. But the first minute it's possible +we'll get you out of this." + +Her light fingers caressed the hair at the back of his neck. + +"Perhaps--Egypt?" + +"No. I think not. Give me time to turn things over in my mind, and +I'll do the best I can." He kissed her again with lingering +tenderness. "Now I'm going to dry your eyes, and carry you down to +the studio. I've done with Rāma for the present, and +Broome's there waiting to lift you out of the flames." Broome had +volunteered his services as fire-god, to the delight of both. "It's +an ordeal by water that my Sita has to win through--eh?" + +She laughed and nestled closer, while he dabbed her eyes with his own +handkerchief. + +"Your Sita is not worthy for going through fire. She is not enough +heroine-made." + +"Quite enough to suit her husband! So she need not trouble her +foolish head about that. Now then--ready?" + +"Yes. But--will he have to hold me in arms again?" + +"Once more. I haven't got all the lines right yet. You mustn't +mind. He's as old as your father." + +"I am willing for anything to help your pictures. It is only ... I +don't like ... other kind of arms." + +"No more do I. We're agreed on that point!" And he gathered her up +in his own. + +Outside the studio door she insisted upon being set down; and Broome, +looking keenly from one to the other, decided that a plain fact or +two must be submitted to Sir Nevil Sinclair before they parted that +night. Ronald had gone home after another dream-week in the paradise +that held his Peri. But not until the Peri had been carried off to +bed did the novelist get his chance. + +Nevil, returning to finish the evening in the studio, found his +friend standing squarely on the hearth-rug; pipe between his teeth, +smiling determination in his kindly eyes. + +"Light up, my son, and don't use language if I touch you on the raw," +said he without preamble. "Broome on the Responsibilities of the +Married State may prove worth listening to." + +"Oh, Lord!" groaned the other, only half in joke. "Responsibilities +were never my strong point. How the deuce have I been shirking them +now?" + +Said Broome, shifting his pipe to the corner of his mouth: "Thy +question bewrayeth thee. It tacitly admits a prick of conscience. +As for mine--the Puritanical thing will give me no peace till I've +said my say." + +"Fire away, then." + +Nevil sank into a chair and opened his cigar-case with a leisured air +of detachment less deceptive than he believed. The shock of that one +word, India, and his wife's unusual paroxysm of grief had so deeply +perturbed him that he had no mind to speak of it even to Broome, +unless in self-defence. + +"Well?" he queried, looking up and throwing his match into the grate. + +"_Is_ it well, Nevil--there's my question? Is it well with that +exquisite, porcelain wife of yours, who has sacrificed all that +really counts for her on the altar of marriage, and has given you, +not herself only, but"--he waved a hand round the studio walls--"a +new kingdom? Have you asked yourself yet, point-blank, how it seems +likely to work out, this unique experiment of translating a love-bird +from the tropics into a British barn-door fowl?" + +Nevil frowned. "No. I've not," he answered bluntly. "First, +because I've no use for a British barn-door fowl; second, because +even the amount of adaptation that is essential must take time. +Though I admit things don't look as promising as they might." + +"My impression exactly. The obvious dissonance with Lady Roscoe is +more than unlucky. And how about the good folk of the neighbourhood?" + +Nevil shook his head. + +"I thought not. Between religion and the Island Pharisee business +there's little hope, in the country, for a human product not measured +in our own workshops and cut out to pattern. London's another +matter. Fish of every shape and colour have a chance in her seething +ocean of nationalities and types." + +"Yes. If the fish can live out of water. In London, I believe +Lilamani would die outright." + +The older man brooded a moment over that statement. Then: "Hasn't it +struck you, Nevil," said he, "that the same process may possibly be +going on here--at a reduced rate?" + +Nevil Sinclair started and paled as if under a blow. "Good God, +Broome! you don't think----?" + +Broome's hand closed firmly on his shoulder. + +"Forgive me, old man. I didn't mean to give you such a shock. But I +see now it's just as well I spoke. You've been blinding yourself to +the obvious; metaphorically bidding everyone and everything stand +aside till the last touch is laid on, the white fervour of +inspiration spent. Oh, I know it all down to the ground, my dear +chap. I've sinned in much the same fashion myself before the birth +of every blessed book that bears my name. The Lord our God is a +consuming fire, jealous of every impulse but the impulse to +create--and all the rest of it. I don't deny we're bound to feel +that way if the divine spark is alight inside; and our belongings too +often pay the price. But yours is a very special case, Nevil. Your +love-bird of the tropics is dependent on you for almost everything, +in a way that no English girl would be; and ... well ... May I say +what I think?" + +Nevil nodded, without looking up; and, while Broome spoke on, the +formation of a glowing cave between two blocks of coal photographed +itself upon his brain. + +"I think," said the novelist with a quiet deliberation not devoid of +feeling, "that of late your wife has grown too light and too +transparent even for a porcelain Princess. Dr. Ransome must know +better than I can the state of her lungs. But it's my belief that in +spite of a devotion to yourself that is little short of worship, she +is eating her heart out, in secret, for the light and warmth and +colour which are quite as essential to her health of mind and body as +fresh and cold water to yours. I may be wrong----" + +Nevil looked up quickly, decision in his eyes. + +"Quite the reverse, old man. You're most confoundedly right." + +He paused; shirking further speech; then went resolutely on. "I +suppose you saw that she seemed rather upset when I brought her down. +Well--she had just told me, for the first time, that the one certain +cure for her would be a spell of India. Seems she had a notion we +might go out with her father. I can't tell you the shock it gave me +to know the craving was there." + +Broome brought his teeth together with an audible click. "And you +refused?" he asked quietly. + +"My dear chap, could I do anything else?" Unstrung by the +recollection, he rose and paced the room. "Look at my position. +This exhibition just coming off. The estate on my hands and that +millstone of a mortgage round my neck!" + +"Quite so. Yet--on the other hand, there's your wife's health in a +precarious condition. The trip she craves would be a certain cure; +and the house difficulty's not insuperable. You could let for the +summer." + +"At a month's notice! And--the deuce of it is I've not the smallest +wish to leave the old Place just now. I never guessed what a grip it +would get on me once I handled it myself. But that's beside the +mark. The truth is"--he swung round sharply, hands plunged in +pockets--"there's a bigger obstacle behind. I never meant to speak +of it to a living soul. But you've such a confounded way with +you----!" + +For half a minute their eyes held silent conference. Then Broome +spoke. + +"Well--what is it now? Sit down, my son, and keep yourself in hand." + +Nevil obeyed to the letter; and it was Broome who paced the room with +meditative deliberation, finally coming to a standstill before the +first picture of the nine--Sita clinging to her lord, imploring +devotion in her gaze. + +When all was said that Nevil Sinclair could bring himself to say, of +Egypt, of that nameless alienation, and the struggle to win free of +its insidious taint, Broome came slowly back; laid an extinct pipe on +the mantelpiece, and sat down opposite his friend. + +"I see," he said gravely. "And--in a measure--I understand. Poor +Lilamani! It's a serious complication. You're really afraid a +repetition of that might wreck everything?" + +"I'm hanged if I know. I can't picture such a thing. All I'm +certain of is that--as yet, I shirk the risk, for both our sakes." + +Broome nodded feelingly. "But the fact of her ill-health remains. +If it can't be the East, it must be the South, and that speedily." + +"Yes. She has my promise." + +"Good man. As for the Beeches, a highly desirable 'let'--for whose +respectability I'll go bail--is sitting not ten feet from you at this +moment." + +"By Jove, Broome! D'you mean it--honour bright?" + +"As bright as you please! Name your terms." + +"Oh, as to that--a nominal sum----" + +"Nonsense! I intend to pay a good fair rental. Since, by some queer +accident I managed to catch the long ear of the public, I've been +raking in more than one man has any right to possess." + +"Glad to hear it. As for me, I'd be thankful to hand over to you at +any price, instead of to a stranger." + +"So I thought! And the sooner the better. Why not Antibes? Miss +Hammond's there. Get her father to go too; and you add to the sweet +influences of light and warmth the greater one of happy association." + +"Capital! We'll tell her to-morrow. I want to see her looking +different before Sir Lakshman arrives----" + +"M--yes. It would be advisable." + +Something in his tone made Sinclair eye him closely. "What are you +thinking now?" + +"Merely wondering what he will say to it all. When fathers love as +he and I do their intuitions become extraordinarily keen." + +"I don't know about saying. But if he really thought she was +unhappy, I believe he'd be capable of knifing me straight." + +At that Broome's big laugh broke out. "No fear, my dear boy! But +melodramatics apart, I anticipate some plain speech between the two +of you if she looks like this. In fact, the way things are going +now, it strikes me you will soon have to consider seriously how far +you are prepared to vindicate your great experiment by meeting +sacrifice with sacrifice on a bigger scale than you have contemplated +yet. It's the ultimate test; and in your complicated case, may prove +a severer one than you realize." + +Nevil watched the roof of his glowing cavern crumble. Then he drew a +long breath. "I'm beginning to realize it now," he said slowly; and +the coals fell together with a soft crash. + +Broome reached for his pipe. The artist rose, and going over to his +unfinished picture stood before it lost in thought. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + "Love leaps higher with her lambent flame + Than Art can pile the faggots." + E. B. BROWNING. + + +The seventh of March in the year of grace 189- stands out as a +red-letter day in the annals of the house of Sinclair. For on that +day Sir Nevil--long tacitly written down failure and renegade from +historic traditions--made triumphal entry into the kingdom of his +choice. Not the type of kingdom precisely befitting a Sinclair. +But, before the day was out, Jane, Lady Roscoe, could perceive that +her brother stood on the threshold of a unique success. And success +is the golden calf of the West; worshipped indiscriminately whether +it spring from an inspired group of pictures or a patent hair-wash. + +All practical arrangements for the private view had been made by +Cuthbert Broome, that Sinclair might not be obliged to leave his +wife, or bring her to town a moment sooner than need be. It was +Broome also who offered house-room to Sir Lakshman, Martino, and +Leseppes; Nevil and Lilamani feeling bound--sore against their +will--to accept the dutiful invitation of Jane. On such an occasion, +her brother's rightful place was in Grosvenor Square. Mr. Broome, +whose unwarrantable offer to "rent" the Beeches still rankled, was +welcome to do all the rest. The which he did. A small gallery in +Leicester Square had been chartered; Ramayāna pamphlets +printed, and invitation cards dispatched to a picked number of +artists, art-critics, relations, and friends, bidding them to the +said Gallery, where Sir Nevil and Lady Sinclair would be At Home, +from three to five. + + +They were At Home there now. Eighty or so of London's social and +intellectual elite sauntered, paused or sat about in groups; the +low-toned murmur of talk merged in the subdued harmonies of an +invisible string band. Those who had ears to hear discerned in the +music--carefully chosen by Nevil himself--a subtle fitness to the +epic drama present before their eyes: a drama that evolved from the +heart of a nation not yet arrived at self-consciousness; and for near +two thousand years has retained its power to mould the characters and +ideals of a race still unpractical enough to set soul before body, +heart before head. + +Straight out of the thin, fugitive spring sunshine and keen wind, the +unresting clamour of London streets, they had stepped, these complex +men and women of the West, into an atmosphere charged with the +idealism and the passion, the subtlety and barbaric simplicity of the +ancient East. Individuals, egoists, products in varying degree of +the modern competitive struggle for existence, they found themselves +drawn into the core of India's greatest love-story, builded upon a +twofold ideal of duty, fulfilled to the uttermost; of the Queen to +her lord; of the King to his people. For although no magic of line +and colour could portray the mutual recrimination, the spiritual +tragedy of the aftermath, Lilamani had recounted it in the pamphlet, +writ by herself, in her own quaintly characteristic English; +desiring, above all, that none might miss the typical Eastern +culmination, wherein every silent hour of Sita's undeserved +banishment speaks, louder than words, the wife's acquiescence in her +husband's will. + +Along the western wall were ranged six full-size panel pictures, the +more arresting for their simplicity, for the entire subordination of +effective superfluities to one supreme idea--the proving, through +ordeal upon ordeal, of a pure and noble soul. + +One only, of all the six, held more than two figures; and in +each--whatever its outstanding qualities of emotion, workmanship, +colour--the eye rested inevitably on Sita's face. Sita regally +arrayed, pleading for her rightful share in the fulfilling of the old +King's vow: Sita (Princess no longer) in primitive coat of bark, +stepping with subdued elation through Dandak forest; Rāma, +the path-finder, going before; Lakshman, soul of chivalry, following +after. Sita, alone in the forest hut, amber-robed and lotus-crowned, +awaiting the brothers' return; all her listening, longing soul in her +eyes, while the stealthy ash-smeared figure creeps near through the +dusk. Sita, terror-struck, yet fighting for dear life, in the +ogre-king's embrace. Sita prostrate in the fiend-haunted garden, "a +pool with all her lilies dead": and at the last Sita, revived in +heart and hope, bestowing on the monkey-general her token of +unsullied wifehood--the jewel that was her father's wedding-gift. + +In these six scenes, linked together by Lilamani's printed record one +phase of the Epic stood revealed; while upon the eastern wall three +larger and fuller canvases portrayed the culmination of Sita's +proving after the defeat and death of Ravān. In these three +scenes--poignant, terrible, triumphal--played out against the living +background of Rāma's victorious army, Nevil Sinclair proved +himself master of the more complex grouping, the larger theme, while +yet the queenly, appealing figure of Sita remained supreme. Here, +too, the subdued colouring of the earlier pictures gave place to an +appropriate effulgence of barbaric splendour, an orchestration of +regal harmonies, red and purple and gold. + +It was the first of these three--the meeting of husband and wife +before two assembled hosts--that drew and held the elite of the art +world among Sinclair's guests. Here, murmurs of criticism, or +appreciation, died into the higher tribute of silence; and here +again--for all the fine portrayal of Rāma's mute +denunciation and Lakshman's pain, the tense expectancy of waiting +hosts--it was the figure of Sita, royally dight in crimson robe and +wreath, that stirred heart and imagination and checked the futilities +of speech. Unveiled for the first time,--proud yet visibly +shrinking--she stood, one woman alone in a world of men, with eyes +for none but Rāma; and in those eyes the dawning of a tragic +recognition that here was no kingly welcome, but insult such as no +true Indian wife could endure and live. + +"Believe it or not, _mon ami_, that one canvas alone would suffice." +It was the voice of Leseppes, low and confidential, in Sir Nevil +Sinclair's ear; and grasping his arm, the great man drew him away +from the charmed circle of silence. "Did I not tell you--I, myself? +I am not one that looks through tinted glasses. What I said in +Cadenabbia--you remember? 'You shall stir the blood even of those +colossal Philistines, your own countrymen.' See them now before that +picture--even those that have all the dictionary of art in their +finger-ends. Proof enough that you have moved something bigger than +the brain. Your father-in-law is satisfied, h'n?" + +"Yes. Oh, yes." + +The restraint of the Englishman was strong upon Nevil in this his +hour of atonement for the locust-eaten years; and the Frenchman as +much elate with his own perspicacity as his pupil's justification +thereof. + +"_Bein_! How else? To me it seems that within this hundred feet or +so of space you have presented the very essence of that India to +which you owe your inspiration, together with your wife." + +And it was so. The critical eye of the Frenchman saw plainly that +here was no mere triumph of anecdotal art, scorned by an +impressionistic age. Sinclair had imbibed the spirit of the +Ramayāna through the spirit of his wife. In these his +pictures, as in the Epic itself, the story, with all its subtle +analysis of motive, its barbaric opulence of colour, served as +background, merely, for the proving and revealing of a woman's soul, +triumphant in purity and renunciation: twin kernels of the Hindu +faith. + +Not the pictures alone, nor the haunting minor music, but the whole +long room, was imbued with the glow and glamour of the East. Costly +rugs and hangings, quaintly carven chairs inlaid with ivory, on the +temporary dais where Lady Sinclair received her guests, had come over +from India with Sir Lakshman, that the harmony of the subject and +setting might be complete. By Lilamani's wish gold was everywhere +the prevailing colour: and she herself--in the midst of sober black +coats and the half tones of early spring--flashed like a living ray +of sunlight: all gold, from veiled head to shining feet; save for the +aquamarines on her breast, and the gleam of sapphire and emerald in +the minutely-jewelled border of a _sari_ the most regal she had ever +worn. + +For the sake of Nevil and that dear father, from whose keen insight +little could be hid, she had made a last determined effort to shake +off the paralysing listlessness that clouded her clear spirit and +hung like a weight upon her limbs. In a measure will had triumphed. +But the strain and the supervening excitement had taken their toll of +her; so had three days in London, though no longer an ochreous +nightmare of lost souls. + +To-day her heart veered between overwhelming shyness and overwhelming +pride. The unnatural brightness of her eyes, the dusky glow in her +cheeks, illumined her like a lamp. Yet Sir Lakshman, listening +courteously to Lord Roscoe's polished turns of phrase, found eyes and +mind wandering incessantly to the small regal figure in the +throne-like chair. For him, no passing illumination could gloss over +the fact that she was thinner. The fine lines of nostrils, nose, and +brow were just perceptibly sharpened, and purplish brown shadows +ringed her eyes. Was she well? Was she happy? Or had this notable +young Englishman, with the acquisitive instinct of his race, taken +all--devotion, inspiration, fame--and given little in return? To +such questions her lightly-closed lips would vouchsafe him no answer. +That he knew. In eleven months of marriage his child had become +woman, and he must needs accept the veil between. None the less, +before returning to India, he would make very sure----. + +"It is remarkable--most remarkable, in a poem of that era, the +mingling of purely epic and barbaric qualities with an insight, a +psychological subtlety peculiarly modern----" Lord Roscoe's +well-bred voice at his ear reminded him that now was not the moment +for anxious brooding over the daughter of his heart. + +For the moment she sat alone, glad of a brief respite even from the +friendly volubilities of Martino, who had gone off, on compulsion, +with two brother-artists to give his opinion on a disputed point. +For an hour and more she had endured an unceasing flow of small talk, +compliments, bewildering intellectualities and genuine enthusiasm +that set her head buzzing and left her hands uncomfortably cold. +Here, in this vast, seething London, always agape for some new thing, +was no sign of Bramleigh's nervous shrinking from the unorthodox, the +unusual. Artists, art-critics, minor planets of the social system, +all were eager for more than a passing word or two with the living +Sita, who, until quite lately had been "a genuine _purdahnashin_." +Glad for Nevil's sake, she had yet found this avalanche of +appreciation a little overpowering. It had left her small chance of +talk with her real friends, whose joy in Nevil's achievement almost +equalled her own. + +From her too-prominent seat of honour she sought them out in the +thinning crowd below. Broome on a centre seat, beaming alternately +at Morna and Christina, who talked eagerly across him. Clara, in the +flowing grey gown that was her own gift, nervously pleased and +important, clinging to the arm of Rāma, who obviously longed +to escape. Lilamani did not guess how the longing concerned Sita and +a cup of tea; nor how Clara, in her foolish pride, had been +chattering of two sonnets discovered in her son's rooms, that also +concerned Sita, minus the cup of tea. Nevil she spied with Leslie de +Winton, in the group Martino had joined, before the terrible scene of +Sita's abduction; considered by some of the younger men the finest +thing in the room. Lady Roscoe, on the other hand, pronounced it +repulsive and unnecessary; tried not to be aware of it, and failed +altogether. Look where she might, uncomfortable sensations assailed +her. The "native element" jarred; and there was far too much +primitive, unvarnished emotion in the air to suit her taste. It was +more than satisfactory, of course, to feel that at last, by some +mysterious accident, Nevil, the impossible, stood on the threshold of +distinction. But satisfaction was marred by private worries; and the +whole atmosphere of the place set her Philistine bristles on end. A +set of vigorous hunting pictures would have been infinitely +wholesomer and pleasanter, infinitely more in keeping with the name +of Sinclair, than this theatrical farrago of abductions and ordeals +by fire! + +She had avoided the dais so far; but Lilamani caught sight of her +now, in sober purple and ermine, standing with Phillippa near the +Hanuman scene, deep in earnest talk that clearly did not concern the +picture before them. Once or twice they glanced in the direction of +George, who stood at the opposite end of the line, hands clasped +behind him, gazing abstractedly at the upturned face of Sita pleading +with her lord. + +To Lilamani, George still seemed little more than a friendly big dog +to be patted and smiled upon because he belonged to her husband; and +George absorbed in a picture was a contradiction of terms. She +amused herself now with speculating on the nature of his thoughts +that must surely have drifted miles away. It did not occur to her +that he was absorbed in no picture, but in the face and figure of a +woman rendered almost living by the magic of Nevil's brush. + +Possibly her thought drew him, as thought will. Certainly he turned; +and seeing her alone made straight for the dais. + +"Great luck catching you like this even for a minute," he said with +his Sinclair directness. "I thought I should never get a look in. +I'm nobody to-day!" + +"How nonsense!" She smiled indulgent reproof as at a child. "You are +just so much 'George' as other days!" + +"But you're not a bit the same Jewel. In that ripping frock you look +more than ever like a Princess out of a fairy-tale. And I tell you, +that first picture's a stunning portrait. I must get old Nevil to +have it photographed for my benefit. Now--do come and have a cup of +tea." + +"Very well." + +But as she rose, behold Jane confronting them, with the militant +gleam in her eyes that Lord Roscoe had learned to respect. + +"One minute, George. Phil's had enough of this. She wants to +exchange some books before going home." + +George's scowl emphasized the likeness between brother and sister to +a remarkable degree. + +"And I'm one of the books she wants to exchange--eh?" he asked, with +a gruff attempt at a laugh. "Phil's quite capable of facing a +librarian without an escort; and I didn't suppose she'd be keen on +mine to-day." + +"My dear boy, don't talk nonsense. Go and call a hansom. She'll be +ready in a minute." + +"Oh well--if it's General Orders----! But I don't suppose she's in a +mortal hurry; and I want to give Jewel some tea." + +"George----!" Lady Roscoe remonstrated sharply under her breath; +then checked herself and stood on guard, while two cups of tea and +two sandwiches were swallowed in comfortless haste. + +Lilamani, puzzled beyond measure, was thankful when George put his +cup down and gripped her hand. + +"Sorry I'm obliged to run off like this; and a thousand +congratulations on a stunning good show. I couldn't have believed +old Nevil had it in him. But he's had all the luck going, this last +year." + +His eyes lingered on her a moment in open defiance of Jane. Then he +was gone: and, in the silence that fell, Lord Roscoe's even voice +could still be heard drawing abstruse comparisons between Homer and +his contemporary, Valmiki, hermit and singer, who enriched the +national life of India by the story of Rāma and his Queen. + +Lilamani spoke first. + +"Anything gone wrong--with George?" + +"Yes. He's making a fool of himself all round. But we can't talk of +that here." + +Lady Roscoe scrutinized her sister-in-law for a few seconds, and +decided afresh that her dress was far too conspicuous for good taste; +then she added in the tone of schooled friendliness Lilamani knew too +well: "You're beginning to look fagged, my dear. If you want to be +fresh for the dinner to-night, and fit for travelling to-morrow, +you'd better come straight home in the brougham with me. All the +best people have gone. Kit can very well play hostess for Nevil's +artist friends, and give you a chance to lie down before you dress. +I know you're glorying in it all. But be sensible, for once, and +come away with me." + +Command lurked beneath the conciliatory flow of words, and +Lilamani--puzzled and a little reluctant--felt too tired to resist. + +"I am quite ready for being sensible for once!" she said, forcing a +smile. "If he is really not needing me." + +"Come and ask him yourself." + +"Very well." Crossing over to Sir Lakshman she touched his arm. "I +am going now, Father--for a little rest." + +"Very wise, my child. You look to need it," he answered, laying a +hand over hers and deliberately searching her face. "We meet again +soon--for this great dinner!" + +And she passed on. The great dinner--given by Broome--was to be a +private one at the Carlton; a gathering of choice spirits to give +Nevil and his wife a hearty "send-off" and drink long life to the +Ramayāna Exhibition. + +They found Nevil in the thick of an argument with Martino on the link +between motive and art. He commended Jane's wisdom, while privately +wondering at it. Lilamani wondered also; the more so that her +over-sensitized nerves divined hostility in the air. But not until +they reached the drawing-room door and she turned to escape did the +true inwardness of Jane's manœuvre come to light. + +"Don't run away at once, Lil. I want a talk with you first," said +she; and Lilamani winced, as always, at the anglicized mutilation of +her name. + +"I came home for rest," she objected, without her usual spirit. + +"Well, I won't keep you long. But it's important. There's tea in +there. One never gets any worth speaking of in a crowd like that." + +Clearly resistance was useless. When Jane meant to have her way she +usually had it. Nor did she waste time in beating about the bush. +An arm-chair and a cup of tea were the limit of her concessions to +Lilamani's weakness. Her speech was straight and plain. + +"Of course it's about George. You asked what was wrong. But you +must know as well as I do----" + +Lilamani started, and set down her cup. + +"I? How do you mean?" she asked blankly, and Jane's vexation flashed +out. + +"My dear innocent! I suppose you're aware that he admires you?" + +The frank statement fired Lilamani's cheeks. "I know he is very +kind--almost like real brother. Only sometimes he ... he troubles me +with his eyes. But if you are so bad of heart to think ... because +of that ... he..." + +"For goodness' sake, child, give me a chance to speak. George is a +gentleman and a Sinclair. I'm not suspecting him of anything more +serious than a passing fascination for a new type; and that's hard +enough on Phil. But she's most reasonable; most sensible. And +though Nevil says I 'make friction,' I'd have let things alone if +George hadn't been fool enough, yesterday, to talk airily about +running over to Antibes for Easter. Phil says she told him plainly +that if he went their engagement would be at an end; and they've +scarcely spoken since----" + +"But Jane----! How to break so sacred thing?" + +Lady Roscoe waved aside the futile question. + +"This isn't a treatise on racial customs. Still--you can take it +from me that, in England, we've good sense enough to consider an +unsuitable marriage much more disastrous than a broken engagement. +But this one is not unsuitable; and it shan't be broken off if I can +help it. Women may be over-plentiful. But not girls like Phil, plus +five thousand a year." + +Lilamani did not quite see the connection of this last. The whole +subject jarred her fastidious sense of reserve; and she could not be +expected to perceive that it really was rather trying, for Jane, to +find this insignificant Hindu child upsetting the whole of her sacred +Family. + +"I hope there will come no such trouble," the Hindu child murmured, +with a touch of constraint. + +"Hoping's no use. I want facts. Has he mentioned this last bit of +folly to you? Have you encouraged the idea? Perhaps--with your +queer 'sisterly' notions, you've been asking him to come----" + +"I--oh, what are you saying? What shall I, who am wife, have to do +with coming and going of--other men?" She rose abruptly; pulses +hammering at her temples and in her throat. "With us it is insult to +make any such suggestion; and for--for other kinds of foolishness, +how can _I_ help----" + +"That's for you to answer. I know _I_ could"--which was true enough. +"No right-minded woman fascinates men promiscuously without knowing +it; and if you go on at this rate, there'll always be trouble." + +"At what rate?" Lilamani murmured blankly; and Jane, extinguishing +her with a glance: "Don't ask childish questions, but listen to me. +It's not only George. There's Ronald writing sonnets to your +eyebrows--or some such foolery--by way of being violently original. +But Nevil's to blame for that. I'm only concerned for George. If he +talks to you of coming out----' + +"He will not talk," Lilamani retorted with sudden anger. "He is not +like you think. Only friend. But now all that is spoilt, by your +saying such things. I do not wish even to see him----" + +"My dear Lil, do sit down. Heroics are futile and bad form." + +Jane spoke more placably, perceiving she had gone too far. But +Lilamani shook her head. + +"I am tired, and do not wish to hear any more. If you have more to +speak you can tell it to Nevil----" + +"Nevil, indeed! much use talking to Nevil to-day about mere human +beings! He'll be hopelessly in the clouds." + +"Better that, than to be in such ugly kind of mud as you have pushed +me in now." + +"What nonsense, my dear. That's just your Eastern trick of +exaggeration. I'm a practical woman of the world; years older than +you; and when I see things going wrong in the family all on your +account, I have every right to speak. If you were not so spoilt and +so unreasonable, you would take it in good part, and Nevil need not +be bothered at all. But really you two haven't an ounce of common +sense between you!" + +"For that I am glad and thankful from my inmost soul," Lilamani made +answer with heartfelt fervour of conviction; and was gone. + + +Alone in her room, she pressed cold fingers against her throbbing +temples and flaming cheeks. Then flinging herself on the sofa, she +lay chilled and rigid with burning head; her thoughts a chaotic +mingling of Epic India, Nevil's triumph and her own renewed hatred of +Jane. Foolish? Perhaps. But her health was far from normal. It +had been a day of strain; and That Terrible's sacrilegious hand upon +her sanctities seemed more than she could endure. + +At the approach of Nevil's footstep she sat upright--waiting. + +From the rhythm of it she pictured him bounding up, schoolboy +fashion, three steps at a time; and his face, when the door opened, +confirmed her vision. Dazzled by the day's triumph he saw nothing, +for the moment, but the radiant figure that throughout had been the +lodestar of his eyes and mind. + +"Rested already? Good!" was his cheerful greeting. Then he came +quickly forward, closing the door. + +"Oh, my Sita Dévi--it's been a supreme day! And I've come to lay all +my laurels at the feet of the Queen. You won't allow me near you in +public. Now I claim atonement to the full!" + +Laughing, he knelt before her and bowed his head upon the hands that +lay in her lap. + +At the touch of them he started and looked up. "Darling--you're +ice-cold. And your cheeks are on fire. I thought Jane took you home +to rest." + +"Yes. But first she was telling me cruel things--to me like +insult--how I am making trouble in your family; breaking betrothal of +George----" + +"_You_? So that was at the bottom of her sisterly concern. I might +have known! That engagement was of Jane's making. If anything goes +wrong it's her look-out. You--indeed! Was she unkind?" + +"No--no. Only she is not understanding how, for Hindu wife--oh, +Nevil! Rather would I go back in strictest _purdah_--even from +men-folk of husband's family----" + +A fit of coughing shook her; and he, tenderly masterful, laid her +back among the cushions, covering her with a quilt. + +"You stay there and shut your eyes _and_ your mind!" he commanded, +with a lightness he was far from feeling. "Leave Jane and George to +me; and don't give the matter another thought. That's _hukm_--d'you +hear! I want you to be at your very best to-night. Sir Lakshman +seems bothered about you as it is; and we don't want fresh trouble in +that quarter---- Oh, confound it all!" he broke out desperately. +"She might have let you alone, to-day, of all days, that ought to +have been one of unclouded happiness----" + +"But King of me"--she clung to his hands--"I am happy in spite of +all. Heart and spirit are singing in the air like birds. Only this +stupid body, so strangely without life--like a flower faded and +thrown in the dust." + +"A very brilliant and beautiful flower," he said softly, and passed a +slow, soothing hand over her from shoulder to ankles. "It will never +be thrown in the dust while I'm alive." + +Her lids fell almost before he had ceased speaking. Yet still he +stood over her, watching intently. + +With the swift approach of sleep the whole delicate face relaxed its +tension. Lips drooped at the corners, shadows under the lashes +seemed to darken; and the curve of the cheek was unmistakably less +perfect than on the day he sketched it first: significant trifles to +the eye of love. + +A haunting remark of Broome's returned to trouble him. "Of course I +know you must wait. But the deuce of it is that you can't bargain +with the ghostly sisters to 'go slow' while an insignificant human +completes an insignificant fragment of his life's work." + +Bargain or no--there remained a fundamental reliance on the Great +Unseen, strangely intensified by eleven months of union with this +Hindu wife of his: and leaning above her now the man's heart breathed +a broken prayer that she might not slip away from him on the +threshold of achievement. + +Then he went softly out, bent on speaking his mind to Jane, with a +directness that for once should outrival her own. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +"O greying of my dawn, suspiring into rose: O grey veils of dusk, +that obscure the tender flushing of my dawn!"--FIONA McLEOD. + + +At a small deal table, set across the oval window of her third-floor +bedroom, Audrey Hammond sat writing. It was the selfsame corner room +where they had all drunk tea with Signor Martino in the far-off +beginning of things. And now--only four days ago, they had been +shocked and saddened by a letter from Broome announcing his death. +It transpired that sooner than miss Nevil's hour of triumph, he had +come straight from a sick-bed, in defiance of doctor and sister. And +within two weeks the most murderous month in the English calendar had +done its work. + +To-day, on the deal table that had once been sticky with his paints, +Audrey Hammond's books and papers, and a photo or two, were set out +with mathematical neatness. Her hand moved steadily over the ruled +page. The lines of her intent face had been graven deeper by a +year's leave that had brought her little of holiday or enjoyment, +much of struggle and pain. She had believed the pain dead and +buried, the emotion that caused it atrophied by stern disregard of +its existence, until she met Sir Nevil Sinclair and his wife at +Antibes Station a week ago. The night or two at Bramleigh had not +been achieved: and on that day of arrival she had discovered, as do +all who suffer, that though love and pain be buried never so deep, +they die hard--if they ever die at all. For are they not twin seeds +of the tree of life? And a seed, though it come not to fruition, +remains, for an incredible time, a vital spark in darkness. + +Three days from now, the s.s. _Arabia_, outward bound, was due to +leave Marseilles, with Sir Lakshman and Audrey Hammond on board. +Only three days. On the whole, Audrey would be glad when they were +over; still more glad to take up regular work again. She was at work +now, completing an article on nerve crises for a semi-scientific +magazine; her fair hair neatly coiled and brushed back as of old, a +deep furrow of concentration between her brows. She wore a blue +flannel dressing-gown and her bare feet were thrust into slippers. +For it was early, very early: a dawn of lucent stillness was stealing +over Golfe Juan after a night of sudden tempestuous wind and rain. A +last lowering mass of storm-cloud low in the east threw all the bay +into gloom. The near hills above Cannes loomed purple-violet. Yet, +away in the north, day triumphed on far-off ice-fields and glimmering +peaks. + +But Audrey Hammond's eyes looked inward rather than outward. The +storm had banished sleep and left her at the mercy of importunate +thoughts: importunate, because--when not definitely in harness--they +were apt to fall back upon those two; the sole human beings who had +ever deeply and lastingly disturbed her equipoise, or, in her own +phrase, knocked her off her centre. + +Lilamani, wife and budding woman, was still for her "the child" of an +earlier day; lovable and gently intractable as ever behind her +delicate, impenetrable veil of reserve. This last Audrey understood. +She knew enough of the Hindu wife not to expect the sort of +confidences that might have been bestowed upon her by an English +girl-wife of nineteen. On the whole she was thankful to be spared. +But she was not altogether happy about Lilamani; and she suspected +that Sir Lakshman was not happy either. More than once he had asked +her searching questions about lungs and nerves; and Audrey, being +honest by nature, had not quite succeeded in setting his heart at +rest. As regards individual suitability and devotion the marriage +was a manifest success; manifest enough to humble the pride of the +girl who, in secret, had believed herself the more fitting mate for +this man of her own race. But in Lilamani's case the secondary +considerations of family and country counted for much. How had she +fared with Lady Roscoe, and her large, yet, in a sense, narrow circle +of sporting and political friends? What of the neighbours round +Bramleigh, and her position as mistress of a great house? + +Little could be gleaned from Lilamani. She grew restive under +questioning, and Audrey drew her own conclusions. In the matter of +her health, this doctor-woman had less need to rely on question. Her +quick medical sense detected incipient lung trouble and nerves +overstrung either from repression or strain; and conscience urged her +to speak a word of warning to Nevil before the last day. No easy +task, even for one who had scaled the steeps of stoicism. And yet +another vital discovery made speech more difficult still. + +Lilamani's shadowed eyes, slightly sharpened features, and her +fainting fit on the night of arrival, indicated a hope that would +probably readjust altogether her state of body and mind. She +wondered whether the child realized things yet; wondered still more +what, precisely, was Nevil's attitude toward this, the crux of +intermarriage between East and West. She approached Lilamani's +husband discreetly, even in thought. Since she could not think of +him dispassionately her scrupulous conscience bade her refrain from +thinking of him at all. But on this particular point she had always +held strong opinions common to the majority of her race. Her own +feelings apart, this, the inevitable consequence, had been her main +argument against the marriage: and, at the time of the engagement, it +had seemed to her quite in keeping with Nevil, as she knew him, to +snatch impetuously at the desire of his heart, without looking--or +perhaps without choosing to look--the more complex issues frankly in +the face. + +But Nevil, as she knew him then, had seemed little like to develop so +swiftly into the restrained and purposeful Nevil of to-day. The fact +that a year of marriage had wrought more perceptible change in the +man than in the girl-wife eleven years his junior was, for Audrey, +the most unique and interesting factor in the whole situation. It +had been natural to wonder what would be the effect on Lilamani of +marriage with an Englishman and close contact with the ways of the +West; and lo, it was he who had taken colour from her. His +hyper-civilized brain and soul appeared to have acquired not +inspiration only, but a new grip on all things, from contact with the +elemental strength and passion underlying her surface pliability. +Would Nevil, man and artist, have so developed, so triumphantly found +himself, after a year of marriage with her--Audrey? On that +inadmissible question she sternly slammed the door; and fell back +upon her former wonderings. Did the child realize----? And did +he----? + +One thing was certain. For all her devotion, she had something very +much on her mind. Something that concerned her husband; and, in her +present state, brooding was the worst of evils. She would be certain +to exaggerate trifles, to distort simple facts. If only she would +speak----! Invariably Audrey's thoughts came back full circle upon +that paralysing "if"---- + + +And, unguessed by her, the same refrain was, at that very hour, +disturbing the mind of Sir Lakshman Singh, who sat sipping his early +cup of tea by the open French windows of his first-floor room. Far +better even than Audrey Hammond did he understand and appreciate the +wifely loyalties and reticences of his child. But he argued that her +case was exceptional, that his own responsibility, in regard to the +great experiment, privileged him to fuller assurance than he had yet +received that she had not bought her heart's desire at too great a +price. Finally, he knew that he could not leave her again +indefinitely till his doubts had been set at rest. Not her reserve +alone, but her manner of evading question, drove him to mistaken +inferences, which might have been dispelled by more open speech. + +This brief reunion, so ardently longed for, had proved singularly +disappointing on the whole. He had spent ten days at Bramleigh and +five in London; had spoken little and noted much that gave him food +for anxious thought. In spite of immense satisfaction at her vital +share in Nevil's success, and his frank recognition thereof, the +father's heart--jealous for his child's happiness--foreknew the +dangers inherent in overgenerous draughts of the headiest wine on +earth; the fatal human tendency to lose sight of the giver in the +gift. And when sons came to them--how would it fare with her then? +Would the brave words spoken in the glow of desire hold good in face +of concrete facts? Nevil was an excellent fellow and singularly +wide-minded: not a doubt of it. Yet Sir Lakshman wondered very much. + +But when all was said the one imperative anxiety overshadowed every +other--her health. Too well he knew the heavy toll paid by his race +for the doubtful privilege of culture; the tale of promising young +lives cut short by the treacherous grey winters of the West. Her +small dry cough and smiling listlessness pierced his heart. They +worried Miss Hammond too. That was plain. Something more radical +was needed than two or three months on the Continent. A winter in +India might very well work wonders. She need not come to Hyderabad. +He would mention it to Nevil. If need were, he would insist. + +Soothed by the prospect of definite action, he emptied his teacup and +lit a cigarette. Most certainly he must find or make opportunity for +a frank talk with his son-in-law before the day was out. + +Lilamani came down looking a shade more fragile than usual. She had +slept badly, she said, on account of the storm; and Sir Lakshman had +a moment of quiet unreasoning annoyance as he glanced from her dusky +pallor and shadowed eyes to her husband's clear-skinned virile face. +Health has, at times, a knack of appearing unsympathetic, even when +it is not. For, though Sir Lakshman did not guess it, Nevil's secret +anxiety matched his own. + +In the middle of breakfast he was called down to the telephone. An +artist cousin of Martino's, passing through Nice, begged him to come +over for the day. He accepted; and returning to Sir Lakshman's +sitting-room, announced his intention and his train. The Indian +mentally relegated his straight talk to the after-dinner hour; a +propitious hour, when the dinner is likely to be a good one; and the +faintest possible shadow clouded Lilamani's face. Her wakeful night +had culminated in a decision; and she too must wait till evening for +a chance of speech. + +"You don't mind my running away, do you, dear?" Nevil asked later +when they had a moment alone. "If you lie down this morning, you may +get back some of the sleep you lost. And you've no lack of good +company for this afternoon. I don't doubt Sir Lakshman's blessing me +for giving him a clear field!" + +"Yes. That is possible!" she answered lightly, though her smile had +the shadow of constraint that had troubled him for a week or more. + +Questions as to what was wrong produced the invariable answer: "Not +anything," and immediate change of subject. Some fanciful bogey no +doubt; and he had decided not to worry her till sea and sunshine had +more nearly wrought their perfect work. "Go for a drive out +Esterelle way, you two," he suggested. + +"Yes. That I would like--better than all." + +But the lost sleep was not recaptured: and when Sir Lakshman +unwittingly echoed Nevil's suggestion--in the hope of a confidential +talk, that should determine the tone of to-night's arraignment--she +baffled him by including Audrey in the plan. It was not the first +time she had eluded him thus, since coming to Antibes; and whether +she did it of set purpose he could never tell. For once he attempted +protest. + +"I was not meaning Miss Hammond. Do you want her specially to-day?" + +Her grave smile hinted at reproach. "Not more than other days. +Only--think how unkind, Father mine, leaving her in the cold. And +she would so much enjoy to come." + +She did enjoy it; more than Sir Lakshman, who left conversation +mainly to the women, and carried on a vigorous argument with Nevil in +his own mind. + +After tea Lilamani slipped quietly away without a word to either: +and, as sunset drew on, Sir Lakshman wandered out alone to the rocky +headland, raging inwardly against the invisible Something that +debarred him from heart to heart communion with his Jewel of Delight. +The very name he so loved seemed a mockery now, in view of her pale +cheeks and trouble-haunted eyes. Enforced repression, and a sense of +being baffled at every turn, stirred the primitive passions that burn +beneath the surface impassivity of the Rajput, and wrought him to a +mood of mind ill-befitting the delicate task of approaching an +Englishman on the subject of his wife. + +But mere movement and the nameless influences of the hour were not +without effect; and he decided to make the round of the Cap before +going back to his room, where he hoped to find a vanished Lilamani +awaiting him in the dusk. He had intended that she should share his +stroll, and enjoy with him, as of old, the evening pageantry of sea +and sky. But the Gods were against him every way; and their glory +manifest in the heavens mocked him rather than consoled. He walked +on, bathed in it, while the chill wind of doubt blew through his +heart. Could it be that he had done wrong in granting her the thing +she craved? If so, well--it was conceivable that he might forgive +himself; but never the man who had tempted him to her undoing. + +He had reached the Cap now. Fretted and caressed by the darkening +waters, it lay before him empty of the usual sunset strollers, who +were over at Cannes waging a Lenten Battle of Flowers. No threat +to-night of coming storm. The wind was sinking with the sun, and all +the west one still, clear lake of gold barred with flakes and strands +of dusky purple cloud. Deeper purple still, the carven headland of +the Esterelles brooded darkly between a bronze-green sea and a molten +sky. Beautiful past question: yet without her vivid, peculiar joy in +it all, mere beauty seemed to lack significance. + +Suddenly Sir Lakshman stood still. He was not alone after all. + +Some distance ahead of him, under the lee of a myrtle bush, sat a +dark figure, huddled together, as if the head rested on the hands. +But the arms were not visible. Their owner was cloaked and hooded. +The father's heart quickened, as he moved a step or two nearer. Then +he knew. She had come out after all; and had preferred to come +alone. A trifling detail; yet it hurt the man as she had never hurt +him yet. + +At the sound of his step she sprang up so swiftly that he hurried +forward, half-fearing she would evade him even now. + +"Lilamani--my child!" he cried, slipping an arm round her. "What has +come over you that you should run away like this, deserting your old +father when so few days are left for being together? Why shut the +door of your heart against me--unless that you are unhappy----?" + +"No--not that, Father mine. Only some foolishness--through not being +well. But you must please believe--whatever comes, your Lilamani is +happy--happy----" + +And by way of confirming her statement she fell sobbing on his breast. + +For a few minutes he soothed her without speech. But the doubt and +trouble that seethed in him could no longer be repressed. + +"A strange fashion of happiness, Light of my Life. I know you would +not speak lies to me. Yet neither will you speak all the truth. You +would not even drive alone with me to-day, when I so greatly +wished----" + +"To-morrow, dearest--to-morrow," she assured him, choking back her +sobs. "We will ride on the sea, like old times. You and I only. +Nevil will understand. Then we shall talk more freely of--of some +things----" + +"And why not to-night?" he asked, increasingly bewildered. + +She shook her head without lifting it. "Please not ask. Please +understand." + +The old childish formula smote him, and he held her closer. + +"Take me back now," she pleaded; and still supporting her, he led her +along the path. "Not any more Lilamani-talk," she commanded, +smiling. But the doors being once opened the trouble of his mind +must out. + +"Do you imagine one moment I shall make criticism or discussion of +your husband?" said he, quietly disregarding her behest. "Am I not +Hindu also, and you the daughter of my begetting? But I cannot +return to India, seeing you in this state, and knowing my child of +the sun must again endure the grey cold of English autumn and winter, +so fatal for our race." He felt the small irrepressible shiver and +went rapidly on: "No daughter of Rajputs will cry out for trifles. +But, from my own heart, I know it is telling on you more than you +will confess. So much was changed by the sudden death of Sir George. +That I understand. Also success and many friends will make Nevil +more inclined for living in England than before. But I shall suggest +that he must bring you to India, where he can make further study of +Eastern subjects on the spot----" + +"No, not say that," she broke in with such decision that he came to a +standstill and looked searchingly in her face. "Lilamani--what is +your reason? More mysteries? Or is it possible--you do not +wish----?" + +"Oh, Father--Father!" In the mingled reproach and longing of that +cry from her heart, he had all the answer he desired. But she added +swiftly, lest he take self-justification for consent. "We have +spoken of that already; and he says not possible. Too far. Too much +money, I think--he does not wish----" + +"Leave all to me, child. There is duty of husband to wife, as of +wife to her lord; more especially in the West. Leave it to me." + +His decision outmatched her own; and she, between secret longing and +innate instinct of submission to the masculine note of command, said +no more. + + + + +CHAPTER X + + "A man's whole victory over Fate begins with a question." + PERCIVAL GIBBONS. + + +Except as regards the menu, dinner that night, in Sir Lakshman's +former sitting-room, could not be reckoned a notable success. To +Audrey it recalled an earlier dinner, after the storm, when she had +counted the moments till she could escape. But to-night she was less +concerned for herself than for "the child," whose eyes suggested +tincture of belladonna; the more so that two dusky patches of carmine +burned in her cheeks. + +How much did she know of her father's intent? A few words from him +before dinner had apprised Audrey of his wish to secure half an hour +with Nevil alone. Lilamani would no doubt retire early, and he would +regard it as a favour if she left at the same time. The man was +clearly too intent upon his purpose to leave anything to chance; and +Audrey, as was natural, fell to wondering what he meant to say, and +how Nevil would receive it, when she ought to have been coining talk. + +Of the four, Nevil only was not obsessed by the sense of something +impending. Yet even he gleaned a hint of it from his wife's face, +and the fact that she wore her mother-o'-pearl _sari_. He had not +seen it for more than a week; and his eyes were not so "deaf for the +language of colour" as they had been a year ago. He knew now that +she never wore that _sari_ in deeply-troubled or despondent moods, +and took its reappearance for a sign that the mercury was rising +within. No doubt she had dismissed the hidden worry that hung +between them like a veil; and he was glad. + +But, Lilamani apart, his natural serenity was clouded by much talk +with Carlo Martino of the dead Andrea, who, in spite of mortal +frailty, had seemed always too vividly, too passionately alive to go +down into the Great Silence, even for a space. + +Though caring little for money, and rarely speaking of it, he had, it +seemed, left more behind him than a distinguished name. But no form +of will had transpired, beyond a half-sheet of foolscap, folded and +sealed, bequeathing two incomparable sea-pieces "to Sir Nevil and +Lady Sinclair (Lilamani) for grateful remembrance of one summer, +not-to-be-forgotten, on Lake Como." Nevil Sinclair had felt no shame +of the tears that ached behind his eyeballs when he looked upon that +half-sheet of paper, henceforth to be counted among his most +priceless possessions. + +To-night the voices of the living were lost in the clarion call of +that dead friend who had bidden him cease from making glowworms with +his eternal cigarette, and from choking with earth that "spark from +the fire of God," which had since leapt up triumphantly in flame. +To-night his art, and all it stood for, shone full in his eyes as +when one looks toward the rising sun; while against the radiance of +it men and women moved as silhouetted shadows. But for this, he had +surely lifted before now the veil, woven of worshipful, fanciful +tremors, that had shut him out of late from the inmost sanctuary of +his wife's heart. + +Thus it befell that the thoughts of all were more active than their +tongues; and soon after coffee had been served, Lilamani rose to go. +She was tired, not having recaptured that lost sleep, she explained +vaguely to whom it might concern. Then she kissed her father with a +heart so full of her husband that she missed the meaning pressure of +his hand. In passing Nevil, her eyes said: "Come. I have something +to say"; and he nodded a smiling assurance. He himself had much to +say of Martino; and decided to join her when he had finished his +cigar. A stroll in the moonlight, if she were not too tired, would +suit his mood. + +Audrey went out with her, smiling to think how little Nevil guessed +at collusion; and at Lilamani's door they stopped. + +"Am I to come in?" Audrey asked. Her voice had a gentler note than +of old. + +"Not to-night, please, dear Audrey. I have reason." + +She lifted her face to be kissed with so childlike a gesture, that +Audrey, guessing the "reason," felt a queer contraction of heart. + +"You will never get back lost sleep or lost health, my dear," she +said, kissing the flushed cheek, "if you bury your troubles and brood +over them. There's been one in your eyes all this week." + +"Not trouble." + +"Well, then--something else. Can't you tell Audrey? You said once I +stood in place of Mataji----" + +For a second or two Lilamani confronted those quiet questioning eyes. +Then a hot blush submerged her even to the temples. + +"I believe you know quite well, without any telling," said she, +studying the tip of her gold-embroidered shoe. + +"I believe I do," Audrey answered gravely. "And--is that all?" + +"That is all--for now." And Audrey kissed her again. + +"He doesn't know. She is afraid to tell him," was the older woman's +thought as she went slowly down to the central hall. "And he----? I +wonder----!" + + +His wife was wondering also, as she stood alone on the threshold of +her open French window, watching a tawny-golden moon disentangle +herself leisurely from the last of the tree-tops, and dissolve as +leisurely from orange-golden to the amber glow that puts the stars to +shame. She had been wondering now for a week and more without +arriving at any definite conclusion, save that, for her father's +sake, she could put off speaking no longer. Absorbed in her own +anguish of uncertainty--her unreasoning self-torment over the +unavoidable, intensified by ill-health--she had not realized, till +to-night, how wrong it was to keep silence when half a dozen words +might set her father's mind at rest. + +And he--her lord--himself the giver----? + +That there could be any shadow of doubt on such a matter, was to her +Eastern heart a calamity almost beyond endurance: her crowning +punishment at the hands of her outraged Gods. Joy in the knowledge +that at last the great consummation was hers, had been strangled at +birth by the old serpent suspicion--scotched, not killed--that, in +the deep of his heart, her husband might be hoping to evade the full +price of possession; the stigma of passing on the Sinclair title and +estates to a son who had not pure English blood in his veins. Not +unnatural; that she must needs admit. Pride of race was an instinct +she could very well understand. Yet, in such a case her heart cried +out that he had no right--no right---- + +A dry sob shook her; and covering her face she sank into a low chair, +set always near the threshold. + +Before they left Bramleigh she had known how it was with her. But at +that moment the fulfilling of her first gift had absorbed him to the +exclusion of all else. Better wait, her heart had whispered, and +tell him after--at Antibes, where all things would speak to him of +those early days when father, family, country had weighed as feathers +in the scale against his great love and desire of her. + +But, alas, waiting gave time for thought; and thought bred a host of +fears that grew and whispered and distorted themselves with a +fiendish versatility; speaking always in the voice of That Terrible, +whose unforgetable sentence was the germ whence they had sprung. Had +this great hope of motherhood come sooner, no doubt she had accepted +it more simply and sanely. But now, ill-health and strain and long +brooding on the one idea inclined her to see all things a little out +of their true proportion, till at moments she wondered if she would +ever find courage to speak at all. Well she knew that, if her fears +were grounded, not all his chivalrous tenderness and reticence could +blind her to truth. From such knowledge he could not shield her--he +could not! One look into his eyes would suffice. And if--if----! + +Sooner death for herself and her gift, than that he should not deem +it the crown of all, was her desperate thought. With a shuddering +sigh she let fall her hands. Oh, when--when would he come? His eyes +had said he understood; and with each moment of waiting courage waned. + +Her room adjoined their dining-room, and the steady murmur of voices +through the wall recalled that earlier day, when her fate had hung in +the balance. Suddenly the voices grew louder. Was her father, in +sheer love for her, making fresh trouble on her account, just when +she had that to tell which might be deemed the greater trouble than +all? + +A torment of restlessness took hold of her. She rose and paced the +room, every sensitive nerve of doubt and suspense strained almost to +breaking-point. Then she stood still again upon the threshold, and +saw how the moonlight seemed magically to be drinking up the shadows +along the wide path to the sea. The brooding calm of it all drew her +with the potency of a command. Again, as on that still morning of +frost, sudden longing seized her to be out there alone in the heart +of silence. Surely there, if anywhere, peace and courage would +revisit her soul. At least she would escape from those distracting +voices that might go on for another hour. + +When nerves and imagination are overwrought, impulse seems the voice +of inspiration. The garden called her. She would go. Already she +was fastening her cloak with unsteady fingers, thankful for the mere +relief of movement after the nervous tension of waiting. + +Outside in the passage she started and stood still. Through the +sitting-room door the voices sounded clearer; Nevil's raised this +time in manifest remonstrance. Again, as on that night at +Cadenabbia, all thought of right or wrong was blotted out by the +imperative need to know; and again came punishment, sharp as the +stroke of a sword. + +"My dear sir, I'd infinitely rather not," she heard Nevil say, with a +touch of impatience. "I don't think you quite realize what a big +sacrifice you ask of me. Last year, as I've explained, my position +was utterly different. But now--with so many new interests opening +up, to lease Bramleigh Beeches and practically live abroad----!" + +Lilamani heard no more. She had no business to hear. His anger at +Como came suddenly back to her. And clapping both hands over her +ears, she sped like a thing pursued, down the shallow staircase, +through the empty public dining-room, out into the night---- + + +And the two in the sitting-room, guessing nothing of danger to her +they loved, from tension of waiting and nerves at strain, continued +to weigh her fate in the balance, even as they had done a year ago, +in that very room, on a moonlit night of March. + +Nevil's wish to join her, after a brief concession to politeness, had +been increased by a vague sense of disturbance, almost of antagonism, +in the air. Too well he knew that Sir Lakshman had cause for +anxiety; nor did he look to part from him without rendering some +account of his stewardship. But to-night, between thoughts of +Martino, desire of his wife, and an inspiriting review of his +exhibition in _Le Temps_, by Leseppes, he was not in the mood. +Moreover, he had all the Englishman's distaste for interposition, +however legitimate, between man and wife. + +But as he rose Sir Lakshman put out a detaining hand. + +"You will spare me another fifteen minutes, Nevil. There is a +matter, not yet freely spoken of between us, that has been on my mind +all day." + +Politely repressing a sigh, Nevil sat down again and prepared to +light a cigarette. "Very well, sir; if it won't take too long. +Lilamani's waiting up for me, and she's tired." + +"That I know too well. And it is because of that--because every day +she is seeming a little more tired--that I must ask you plainly, +before leaving--is your heart satisfied about her? Mine is not." + +Nevil frowned thoughtfully at his empty coffee-cup, recalling his +talk with Broome. This man had twice the right to speak; and yet... +Nevil felt perversely restive under the Indian's look and tone. + +"She is in a very poor state of health," he answered with studied +quietness, "or we should not be here. Are you implying anything +else?" + +"No need to waste time in implying. My child's welfare and happiness +are more than my own. I am troubled--uncertain about many things; +and only straight talk will serve." + +Nevil inclined his head. "You shall have straight answers, I promise +you. About her health I am as worried as yourself. It's the one +grave drawback----" + +"And you think to make it right by a few months on the +Mediterranean?" the other put in quickly. "That is where you +mistake. I know that specialist of London said no lung trouble yet. +But unless there is great care, great improvement of health--I tell +you, Nevil, it will come. It is your country's backhanded fashion of +encouragement to pioneers of our race, especially when very young and +over-early developed. Being myself responsible for permitting this +marriage, how shall my conscience not feel disturbed in seeing her +thus? No criticism of you is in my thought, you understand. And +yet--you cannot know as I do----" + +"I know quite enough to make me confoundedly anxious," Nevil declared +with a touch of heat. "You did permit the marriage, thank God; and +for her sake I've left England and my Place at a moment when I +particularly wanted to be on the spot. What more would you have me +do? You must consider that I am an Englishman, with peculiarly +strong ties binding me to the country----" + +"That I do consider. I also consider that you are husband of a woman +outside the ordinary. Though her father, I think I have right in +saying there are not too many of her quality in India or otherwheres. +For love of you, she is facing many difficulties. Is it good to make +them greater than must be? When we spoke of such things in this same +room one year ago, you said, from your own impulse, that difficulty +of climate need not count, because you would be willing to live +chiefly abroad. But now----" + +He turned out his hands, Eastern fashion; and Nevil Sinclair leaned +suddenly forward, a spark of fire in his eyes. + +"You infer that I have gone back on my word, sir?" + +"My dear Nevil, I infer no such thing. But in justification of +myself I repeat only what you said." + +"Yes. I did say it. And I meant it. But how on earth could I +foresee such big changes in so short time? Then I was an amateur +artist; a cosmopolitan Bohemian, with no taste for loafing at home, +and no very urgent duties to keep me there. Now my duties are +obvious and imperative: my father's place to fill as best I can, and +a big, heavily-mortgaged estate to keep going, as far as possible on +the old lines. What's more, I have grown to love the Place in a way +I never thought possible. As for my work, I'm an amateur no longer, +but an acknowledged artist--of promise--if no more----" + +Sir Lakshman raised his hand. "Consider one moment, Nevil, in +speaking of that last. It has been my pleasure and pride to see that +no one is more ready to acknowledge how much of your so rapid success +is owing to Lilamani herself. Ask your own heart then--does it +square with your British sense of fair play, that you reap all +benefit of these changes you speak of, while she must pay all the +price?" + +"Of course not. Surely you know me better than that." + +"So I was imagining," the other answered with his grave smile. "And +in such a case you will listen fairly to what I shall say. A couple +of months here will not make Lilamani fit for facing your English +autumn and winter again so soon; and your friend Broome, if willing +for a longer lease, can surely be trusted to look after your +interests as if they were his own. Why not, then, leave your estates +in his care--I do not say for always; but for a term of years, that +you may be more free----" + +"My dear sir," Nevil broke in sharply, "I'd infinitely rather not. I +don't think you quite realize what a big sacrifice you ask of me. +Last year, as I've explained, my position was utterly different. +But, now--with so many new interests opening up--to lease Bramleigh +Beeches and practically live abroad----!" + +"Not even for the sake of bringing greater health and happiness to +that wife who has made, for love of you, a sacrifice bigger than +you--not being Eastern--can ever understand?" + +Sir Lakshman drove home each word of his plea with a quiet, forcible +distinctness, that did not fail of its effect. Nevil Sinclair +extinguished his cigarette stump, and for several minutes considered +the pattern of the carpet with profound attention. The Indian, +determined to gain his point, found encouragement even in such +negative acquiescence. + +"No harm, but rather benefit to your art," he went on, exchanging the +forcible note to one of persuasion, "from some years spent in other +lands than England. And since you have done so well with Eastern +subjects, you will be the more able to combine closer study for +yourself with the light and warmth that are so needful for this child +of the sun you have taken to wife. Better than all, give her a year +in India, Nevil----" + +Lilamani's husband looked up quickly. "No, not that, sir. Not +India--yet." + +From the moment Sir Lakshman began to speak he had known it was +impending. Yet the actual word came as a shock. So also did his +abrupt refusal to the man who had believed victory in sight. + +"And why not India?" he asked, up in arms at once for his own +country. "Surely----" + +"Please don't think me unkind or unreasonable, sir, or take my +refusal amiss. I can't explain myself. But you must accept my word +for it that India's out of the question." + +As if to clinch the matter he rose, braced his shoulders, and going +over to the open door stood there in a long silence, while the +opposing forces of passion and ambition, pride of possession and +worshipful devotion to her through whom he had found himself, clashed +within him mightily yet without sound. Gazing abstractedly down the +pearl-grey path of radiance that ended in the ghostly glimmer of the +Mediterranean, he noted, with vague interest, a dusky speck that +moved from one pool of shadow to another, far away, down by the +balustrade where the rocks fell sheer to the sea. That this moving +speck concerned him, even remotely, he did not dream. Unthinkingly +he saw it vanish into the last of the shadows; and straightway forgot +it altogether. + +Sir Lakshman, wondering and waiting in a pained suspense, never +removed his gaze from the significant-looking figure in the doorway. +If not India--what of the first proposition, unanswered so far? + +The question was almost on his lips when Nevil Sinclair turned +abruptly and spoke. + +"You're right, sir. Absolutely right. For the present, at all +events, Bramleigh Beeches must stand back. There are difficulties, +of course. It's a matter that can't be fixed up in five minutes. +But I shall not change my mind. So you can set yours at rest." + +Sir Lakshman let out a breath of relief. "The Gods be praised! I +have not believed in you without good reason, Nevil. And I am the +more thankful for your decision because--not through any word from +her--I have a thought that more than her health is concerned." + +Nevil nodded. "Yes--yes. I admit things have been difficult--for us +both, in many ways. Surface things--that time will set right; but +still---- With me, as you are aware, her nationality simply doesn't +count. She's herself; and God knows a man need ask no more of her. +But I can't make others see with my eyes all in a moment----" + +He broke off with a start. For the door opened suddenly; and Audrey +stood before them; a little pale, a little out of breath. + +"Lilamani's not here?" she asked. + +"No," from both men at once, and Sir Lakshman sprang to his feet. + +"I looked in on her to say good night," Audrey went on. "But her +room was empty. D'you think--would she go out into the garden alone, +at this time of night?" + +"Why d'you ask that?" It was Nevil who spoke. + +"Only because I saw someone in a cloak pass along the verandah about +ten minutes ago. I thought no more of it till I found her gone. But +I know she has something very much on her mind; and she has such +fanciful notions about things--the moonlight and the sea----" Poor +Audrey floundered sadly out of her depth. "At any rate--we might ask +the waiters. It's possible----" + +"Yes, indeed, it _is_ possible. And other things--worse things, are +possible as she is to-night." + +Sir Lakshman, knowing the women of his race, spoke with a strange +vehemence quite unlike himself. + +"Go, Nevil, go!" He gripped his son-in-law by the arm. "Bring her +safe back with you, or--by God----" + +Nevil did not wait to hear the rest. He strode out, slamming the +door. That speck moving from shadow to shadow came suddenly back to +him; and remembrance of a certain night on Como laid an icy clutch +upon his heart. + +Audrey followed him out, leaving the distracted father alone. +Hearing her footsteps, Nevil turned and confronted her. + +"Something very much on her mind, you said?" + +"I thought so." + +"Did she tell you what it was?" + +"Not exactly. There was no need. I understood." A pause: then, for +Lilamani's sake, Audrey found courage to add with deliberate, +unmistakable significance: "Nevil--can't you guess?" + +Look and tone enlightened him. + +"That? Good God!" he exclaimed under his breath--and was gone. + +Audrey stood still for many minutes looking at the empty space where +he had been, wondering what that fervent expletive might bode for +Lilamani's "great gift." + + + + +CHAPTER THE LAST + + "O very woman, god at once and child, + What ails thee to desire of me once more + The assurance that thou hadst in heart before? + For all this wild, sweet waste of sweet, vain breath, + Thou knowest, I know thou hast given me + Life, not Death." + SWINBURNE. + + +And out there in full moonlight, while the two men talked, the dusky +speck, seen of Nevil, moved restlessly to and fro in the open sandy +space, where no balustrade intervenes between sheer rocks and the sea. + +Not even night and silence could baptize the soul of Lilamani +Sinclair with the dew of peace. Fleeing from her overwrought self, +imprisoned within four walls, she found only that self, and none +other, here at the edge of all things. None other: that was the +horror of it. But there came another; a ghostly presence, unseen, +yet acutely felt, close to her shoulder, whispering insistently at +her ear. And the voice was the voice of Jane. One half of her mind +knew it for a product of nerves and imagination; the other half +shivered, at the chill nearness of it, like a naked soul in the winds +between the worlds. + +And through all these importunate unrealities of sight and sound, +Nevil's voice, with its note of remonstrance, sounded clearer than +all. "You don't quite realize what a big sacrifice you ask of me." +"Give up Bramleigh Beeches and practically live abroad----" + +Oh, it was impossible, past thinking. How could that dear +father--always so wise--make fresh trouble on her account, when +already she had made too much in this great English family. Nevil +had told her nothing about his own bearding of Jane, save that she +need not distress herself over George, who could be trusted not to +fling away five thousand a year plus a woman who loved him. His +parting with her had been awkward and constrained; Jane's, frigidly +polite; and her own secret wish had been that she might see neither +of them again. They had rubbed the bloom off everything with their +"muddy thoughts." For that last encounter with Lady Roscoe, striking +sharp on her joy in Nevil's triumph--and she peculiarly unfit for +emotional strain--had produced upon her an effect out of all +proportion to the cause; dashing her rudely to earth, just when her +wings had begun to flutter afresh; obscuring the worth of her first +great gift in renewed sense of her own unfitness, not for wifehood, +but for Lady Sinclairhood and all it involved. Better for him by +far, whispered the malign voice at her ear, had he married his true +English mate--Leslie de Winton, who would have fulfilled the needs of +his art and of his great house no less; and--bitterest "and"--would +have given him sons of his own blood to carry on his distinguished +name. + +Yet of his own heart and will he had chosen her--Lilamani; perhaps +without thought of sons or of great names. And now--when she told +him, would he be glad in his inmost heart? Or would he----? + +Oh, what foolishness to torment herself thus for more than a week! +And yet--better uncertainty than a certainty she could scarce endure, +and live. Had she been capable of pouring out her heart to Audrey, +much had been spared her. But she was not so made; and it is written +that passionate love has a danger for natures over-sensitive and +reserved, unknown to the more volatile and expansive. Yet had her +sole lapse from self-imposed silence--one shower of tears +unexplained, one cry from her heart--wrought this gravest +complication of all. + +Instinctively her Eastern womanhood rebelled against the idea that +her lord should change his way of life in any degree on her account. +And her father--himself a Hindu--what possessed him to suggest such +madness? Too well her heart knew the answer--love, sheer love, hard +pressed by secret fears. For a week or more, whenever his eyes +rested upon her, she had seen that love in them suffering dumbly, and +yet had not found courage for speech. Oh, coward, and self-thinking, +to spoil that dear father's last week with her, through fear of her +own pain. + +And in two small days he would be gone. The great sea, that brooded +and murmured below among the rocks, would turn traitor, even like the +moon to-night, and take him from her. If only they two might go +also--they three, her heart whispered shyly, as she turned her steps +seaward and stood upon a grey slab of rock, gazing out across that +mysterious other-world which casts so strange a spell over dwellers +on land. + +Softly still and dark, the wide waters slept beneath the stars, save +where moon-butterflies, in their thousands, made a shimmering path of +light. The eternal wonder and glory of it was new every morning +every evening. Yet to-night, for the first time, she hated it, +almost, that it divided her irrevocably from the dear, deserted +Motherland; that India, where no doubt could ever be how husband +would receive such news as she had to tell. + +A verse from the English psalm-book she loved, spoke the cry of her +heart: "Oh, that I had the wings--the wings of a dove----!" And with +evil intent that voice at her ear whispered of strong unclouded +sunlight, the still lakes and feathered palm-fronds of her own +Hyderabad. The temple-bell, the familiar street cries and scents +assailed her with poignant vividness. And through it all, as through +a brilliant veil, she saw the chill grey skies of her husband's land; +the great house, the ubiquitous servants, the "needless ones" for +ever at her gates! By some fiendish freak of her distraught +imagination, Nevil seemed purposely to obliterate himself from the +picture----. + +What did it mean? What madness had come upon her? Pressing her +hands to her temples she stood so, striving for self-mastery. And +lo, another voice--a voice of temptation, from the great sea itself, +"Here is rest. Here forgetfulness," murmured the lazy breakers that +lapped against her rock. Like Eve in the old, old legend, this +daughter of lake and plain, seemed to have hid a wave of the sea in +her blood. And now, wave called to wave, with alluring insistence. + +A little foam upon the water; and the sea, that incomparable, +insatiable lover, would take into his deep heart the dream that was +her body, while the dream that was her soul passed on---- + +Startled, she stepped back a space; and the wonder grew and +strengthened in her--was this no temptation, but inspiration rather, +pointing the way, not so much to rest from her strange weariness, as +to freedom for him--her god among men? No passionate impulse now--as +on that night by the waters of Como: but the innate desire of her +storm-tossed heart to win happiness for him at any cost to herself. +Would not Sita, model of wifehood, have done no less? Sooner than +shadow of stain on her lord's name, or shadow of trouble on his +heart--an end of Lilamani----. + +True, that night on Como he had been angered, desperate, hurt. Yet +now--how different! Then--she had much still to give. Now, it +seemed she had given all that he had need of--from her; all that she +and none else could have given. Must she then pass on; leaving that +other--(a red-hot shaft of jealousy here)--to give him those things +which were beyond her power----? + +How should she tell? How think clearly when thoughts and voices +buzzed in her brain like angry bees----! + +Stepping again to the rock's edge, she stood looking down into the +waiting depths--stone still, as one who listens for a signal. + +But there came no signal: only the alluring whisper of the sea. + +With a despairing gesture she flung out her arms; swayed a little +backward; then forward---- + +"Lilamani--Lilamani--where are you?" + +The call reached her just in time. Almost miraculously she regained +her balance, and stood rigid, scarcely able to believe her ears. + +The desperate note in her husband's voice stilled every tremor, every +doubt. It was the signal. The gods did not demand this twofold +sacrifice at her hands. + +"Lilamani!" + +The call came again, appreciably nearer. + +"Come to me. I am here," she called back; a ring of triumph in her +clear tones. + +Two minutes later he sprang, a flying shadow, out of the massed +shadows behind-- + + +For almost an eternity, it seemed to her, they stood, locked +together; his pulses hammering, his breath coming in short gasps from +the speed of his race. The terror of that night on Como had been +his, increased fourfold by his lightning-flash of knowledge: and now +that he held her warm and living in his arms, emotion struck too deep +for any word of love, or of thanksgiving. He did not even kiss her. +It was enough that he held her, almost crushed her against him, +forgetful for once of her fragility. The pain of that mute +passionate embrace was pure balm to her heart; and when at last he +spoke, his voice had an under-note of sternness more thrilling than a +caress. + +"I believe--I was only just in time?" + +"Yes." The word was a breath merely. + +"You really would----?" + +"Oh-h, not say it!" She shuddered; and he gripped her closer. But +the note of sternness deepened. + +"Lilamani, when I left Como last year, you swore to me, by--the most +sacred of all things, that this madness should never come back. +How--dare--you break your promise?" + +"Oh, Nevil! I promised--for then. Not thinking beyond. But now--so +different. I am no more needed for Sita; no more making sister of +you seem like murderer. I am only making too much trouble in your +family, your home. And to-night--passing the door, I stopped--I +heard----" + +"_What?_" + +"You were saying--true enough, how can you give up Bramleigh Beeches +and be living abroad, because of me. Much too big sacrifice----" + +"Think a moment, little wife. Did I say 'too big'?" + +"N-no. You said 'what a big----' But, dear lord, it was madness of +my father to speak such a thing. It is not possible--not right--that +for one small woman such great sacrifice shall be made." + +"Not even when that small woman"--his lips were close to her ear--"is +to be the mother of my son?" + +At that word, heard for the first time, she drew a soft breath of +rapture. + +"How--how did you know?" + +"From something Audrey said--I guessed." + +"And--you are wishing--that son, truthfully, in your heart?" + +"I am wishing him truthfully, with all my heart." + +A long pause, filled with the whisper of the sea; tempter no longer, +but prophet of peace. Then she--taking courage in both hands, +determined to know all: "Nevil, have I been hurting my soul with pain +and doubt for nothing? Did you wish him--just so much--from the +first?" + +Freeing a hand, he pressed her head against his shoulder. + +"Lilamani--if there is to be an end of doubt and pain between us, you +must have the truth," he said quietly. "I did not wish him--just so +much--from the first. For some time I simply put away the thought. +I had you. That was enough. Then--when we got home to the Beeches, +I began to realize--well, how much I was my father's son, after all. +It was a bad minute for me, little wife; and it came just when things +were so discouragingly difficult. You remember?" + +"How shall I forget?" she spoke quietly as he; all her quivering +sensibilities held in leash. "And you were wishing--no children?" + +"Not that. Never that. I thought--if we had daughters----" + +"O-oh!" Her low sound of dismay was Eastern to the core. "And since +when--were you feeling different?" + +"Since Christmas Eve. When I saw you that night, worshipping that +other Nevil, who was no son of mine, a rage of jealousy flamed up in +me; and I knew--not quite then, but afterwards--that no narrow +prejudice of race could come between me and the need to see you so, +with a son who should be yours and mine." + +"You are not wishing him daughter now?" she murmured in an ecstasy of +content. + +"No indeed. Shall I tell you just how I see him?" + +"Please tell." + +"You have given me a new spirit of understanding in so many things, +my Sita Dévi; and in this one above all. Six months ago I confess I +shrank from the idea of a son handicapped by the stigma of mixed +blood. But now--you being his mother--I refuse to admit the stigma. +I see him as one who will have the strength of his handicap, as one +doubly endowed with the best that two great races can give--the +spirituality of the East, the power and virility of the West; one +whose destiny it may be to draw these mighty opposites nearer +together by his own intimate love and understanding of both. Is it a +good vision you have given me, beloved?" + +She drew in a deep breath. + +"Glorious past telling. But it is not I that gave. It is your own +so big heart, and----" + +"Hush--listen again. There is more---- You remember I told you once +India was impossible for us?" + +"Yes?" + +He heard the thrill of eagerness in that whispered question; and had +a fleeting instant of hesitation before committing himself +irrevocably to the inspired impulse of a moment. Then he burnt his +boats. + +"Well--I had no right to say that. Nothing but my own selfishness +stands in the way of our going out there--later on. Next time your +father comes home we will go out with him--we three. For your sake, +and for the sake of all your inspiring love has given me, I promise +never again to grudge India her share in the heart of my son." + +And she, laying both hands upon him, looked up at last--her face a +beatific vision, in the full light of the moon. + +"Husband of me--you are ready for doing all this, only because +of--your Sita Dévi?" + +"Only because of my Sita Dévi," he made answer gravely. "But I also +ask a promise in return. Never--while you live--must you let +to-night's madness conquer you again." + +"No--no. I promise for always in the name--of him that shall come +after." + +And stooping, he sealed that promise with his lips. Suddenly, the +wonder of it all, the incredible change in heart and hope and +outlook, swept over her with the force of a breaking wave. + +"Oh, I am not deserving!" she cried out, half pushing herself from +him. "All these things you will do, only for your little wife; and +I--I thought, I feared--oh, I have been a wicked, doubting Lilamani, +this long time. But now--now----" + +Swiftly she hid her face against him; and once more, as on the day of +betrothal, the deeps of his manhood were stirred by her passionate +murmur: "Live for ever, my lord and my king----!" + + + +THE END + + + + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78836 *** |