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diff --git a/78748-h/78748-h.htm b/78748-h/78748-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1aa8245 --- /dev/null +++ b/78748-h/78748-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,14812 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html> +<html lang="en"> +<head> + <meta charset="UTF-8"> + <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1"> + <title> + Four plays | Project Gutenberg + </title> + <link rel="icon" href="images/cover.jpg" type="image/x-cover"> + <style> + +body { + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + +h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; +} + +p { + margin-top: .51em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .49em; +} + +hr { + width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: 33.5%; + margin-right: 33.5%; + clear: both; +} + +hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} +hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} +@media print { hr.chap {display: none; visibility: hidden;} } + +div.chapter {page-break-before: always;} +h2.nobreak {page-break-before: avoid;} + +table { + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; +} +table.autotable { border-collapse: collapse; } +table.autotable td { padding: 0.25em; } +table.autotable th { padding: 0em; font-size: 70%; font-weight: normal;} + +.tdl {text-align: left;} +.tdr {text-align: right;} + +.botalign {vertical-align: bottom;} + +.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: small; + text-align: right; + font-style: normal; + font-weight: normal; + font-variant: normal; + text-indent: 0; +} /* page numbers */ + + +blockquote { + margin-top: 0; + margin-bottom: 0; + margin-left: 5%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + +.blockquote1 { + margin-top: 0; + margin-bottom: 0; + margin-left: 25%; + margin-right: 25%; +} + +.center {text-align: center;} + +.right {text-align: right;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + +.allsmcap {font-variant: small-caps; text-transform: lowercase;} + +.u {text-decoration: underline;} + +.nowrap {white-space: nowrap;} + +/* Images */ + +img { + max-width: 100%; + height: auto; +} + +/* Poetry */ +/* uncomment the next line for centered poetry */ +.poetry-container {display: flex; justify-content: center;} +.poetry-container {text-align: center;} +.poetry {text-align: left; margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 5%;} +.poetry .verse {text-indent: -3em; padding-left: 3em;} + + +p { + margin-top: .51em; + text-align: justify; + text-indent: 1em; + margin-bottom: .49em; +} + +/* Transcriber's notes */ +.transnote {background-color: #E6E6FA; + color: black; + font-size:small; + padding: 2em; + margin-bottom:2em; + font-family:sans-serif, serif; +} + +.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + color: #A9A9A9; + left: 92%; + font-size: small; + text-align: right; + font-style: normal; + font-weight: normal; + font-variant: normal; + text-indent: 0; +} /* page numbers */ + +/*spacing between words and letters */ +.word-sp {word-spacing: .4em;} +.letter-sp1 {letter-spacing: .1em;} + +/* spacing */ +.phalfb {padding-bottom: .5em;} +.phalft {padding-top: .5em;} +.p1b {padding-bottom: 1em;} +.p2b {padding-bottom: 2em;} +.p2ba {padding-bottom: 3.1em;} +.p4b {padding-bottom: 4em;} +.p1t {padding-top: 1em;} +.p2t {padding-top: 2em;} +.phalfl {padding-left: .8em;} +.p1l {padding-left: 1em;} +.p2l {padding-left: 2em;} +.p5l {padding-left: 5em;} +.p1r {padding-right: 1em;} +.p5r {padding-right: 5em;} + +.linesp {line-height: 1.5em;} /*this is to make more space between lines in a span*/ + +/* font size */ +.fs300 {font-size: 300%;} +.fs175 {font-size: 175%;} +.fs150 {font-size: 150%;} +.fs125 {font-size: 125%;} +.fs115 {font-size: 115%;} +.fs100 {font-size: 100%;} +.fs90 {font-size: 90%;} + +/* font style */ +.fnormal {font-weight: normal;} +.boldfont {font-family: Impact, sans-serif;} +.hidden {display: none;} + +/* width */ +.wd70 {width: 70%;} +.wd10 {width: 10%;} +.wd5 {width: 5%;} + +/* hovers */ +.corr { + text-decoration: none; + border-bottom: thin dashed blue + } + +/* paragraphs */ +.hanging { + padding-left: 2em; + text-indent: -2em + } + +.noindent {text-indent:0em;} + +/*horizontal lines*/ +hr.short {width: 10%; margin-left: 45%; margin-right: 45%; margin-top: .5em; margin-bottom: .5em;} + +/* Poetry indents */ +.poetry .indent0 {text-indent: -3.0em;} +.poetry .indent2 {text-indent: -2.0em;} +.poetry .indentq {text-indent: -3.4em;} + + </style> +</head> + +<body> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78748 ***</div> + + + +<h1 class="p2t p2b word-sp"> +FOUR PLAYS +</h1> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter"> +<p class="center noindent fs90 word-sp letter-sp1"> +PLAYS BY A. A. MILNE +</p> +</div> +<p class="center noindent fs150 boldfont"> +·</p> +<p class="center noindent fs125 word-sp"> +FIRST PLAYS</p> +<blockquote class="blockquote1 center"> +<i>Containing</i>:—Wurzel-Flummery; The Lucky One;<br> +The Boy comes Home; Belinda; The Red Feathers.<br> +<i>Sixth Impression.</i> +</blockquote> +<p class="center noindent fs125 word-sp"> +SECOND PLAYS</p> +<blockquote class="blockquote1 center"> +<i>Containing</i>:—Make-Believe; Mr. Pim Passes By;<br> +The Camberley Triangle; The Romantic Age; The<br> +Stepmother. <i>Sixth Impression.</i> +</blockquote> +<p class="center noindent fs125 word-sp"> +THREE PLAYS</p> +<blockquote class="blockquote1 center"> +<i>Containing</i>:—The Great Broxopp; The Dover<br> +Road; The Truth about Blayds.<br> +<i>Second Impression.</i> +</blockquote> +<p class="center noindent p1t fs115"> +<span class="smcap">Cr. 8vo; uniform</span>; 7s. 6d. <span class="allsmcap">NET EACH</span>. +</p> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter"> +<p class="center noindent fs300 word-sp u"> +FOUR PLAYS</p> + + +<p class="center noindent fs175 word-sp p4b letter-sp1"> +BY A. A. MILNE</p> +<br> +<p class="center noindent word-sp linesp"> +LONDON<br> +<span class="fs150">CHATTO & WINDUS</span><br> +1926 +</p> +</div> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter"> +<blockquote> +<p class="noindent"> + Applications regarding Amateur Performances + of these Plays should be addressed to Samuel + French, Ltd., 26 Southampton Street, W.C.2. + Applications for other rights to Curtis Brown, + Ltd., 6 Henrietta Street, W.C.2.</p> + +</blockquote> +</div> + + +<p class="center noindent"> +Printed in Great Britain: all rights reserved +</p> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter"> +<p class="center fs150"> +CONTENTS +</p> + +</div> + + + +<table class="autotable wd70"> +<tr> +<th class="tdl" colspan="3"></th> +<th class="tdr">PAGE<br></th> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="3"><span class="fs115"><a href="#have">TO HAVE THE HONOUR</a></span></td> +<td class="tdr">1</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"></td> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"><a href="#ACT_I">ACT I</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">3</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"></td> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"><a href="#ACT_II">ACT II</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">33</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"></td> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"><a href="#ACT_III">ACT III</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">62</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="3"> </td> +<td class="tdl"></td> +</tr> +<tr> + +<td class="tdl" colspan="3"><span class="fs115"><a href="#ariadne">ARIADNE, OR BUSINESS FIRST</a></span></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">87<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"></td> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"><a href="#ACT_I_1">ACT I</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">89</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap"><a href="#act1_scene1_ariadne">Scene 1</a></span></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">89</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap"><a href="#act1_scene2_ariadne">Scene 2</a></span></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">102</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"></td> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"><a href="#ACT_II_1">ACT II</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">114</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"></td> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"><a href="#ACT_III_1">ACT III</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">136</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="3"> </td> +<td class="tdl"></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="3"><span class="fs115"><a href="#PORTRAIT_OF_A_GENTLEMAN">PORTRAIT OF A GENTLEMAN IN SLIPPERS</a></span></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">159<br></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="3"> </td> +<td class="tdl"></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="3"><span class="fs115"><a href="#success">SUCCESS</a></span></td> +<td class="tdr wd5 botalign">179</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl wd5"></td> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"><a href="#ACT_I_2">ACT I</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">181</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"></td> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"><a href="#ACT_II_2">ACT II</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">212</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl wd10" colspan="2"></td> +<td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#act2_scene1_success">Scene 1</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">212</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"></td> +<td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#act2_scene2_success">Scene 2</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">232</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"></td> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"><a href="#ACT_III_2">ACT III</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">238</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"></td> +<td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#act3_scene1_success">Scene 1</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">238</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl" colspan="2"></td> +<td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#act3_scene2_success">Scene 2</a></td> +<td class="tdr botalign">253</td> +</tr> +</table> + + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</span></p> +<div class="chapter"> +<h2 class="nobreak fnormal word-sp p2t" id="have"> +TO HAVE THE HONOUR</h2> + +<p class="noindent center p2ba"> A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS +</p> + + +</div> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</span></p> +<div class="chapter"> +<p class="center noindent"> +CHARACTERS +</p> +</div> + + +<div class="poetry-container"> +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="smcap">Simon Battersby.</span><br> +<span class="smcap">Angela</span> (<i>his daughter</i>).<br> +<span class="smcap">Jennifer.</span><br> +<span class="smcap">Parlourmaid.</span><br> +<span class="smcap">Captain Holt.</span><br> +<span class="smcap">Ethel Holt.</span><br> +<span class="smcap">Mrs. Faithfull.</span><br> +<span class="smcap">Imogen Faithfull.</span><br> +<span class="smcap">Doctor Ainslie.</span><br> +<span class="smcap">Prince Michael.</span><br> +<span class="smcap">James Oliver.</span></p> +</div> + +<hr class="short"> + +<blockquote> +<p><i>The living-room in Simon Battersby’s cottage, Wych +Trentham.</i></p> +</blockquote> + + +<table class="autotable"> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Act I.</span></td> +<td class="tdl">Before dinner.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Act II.</span></td> +<td class="tdl">After dinner.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5r">Act III.</span></td> +<td class="tdl">Next morning.</td> +</tr> +</table> + + +<hr class="short"> + +<blockquote> +<p class="noindent">This play was first produced by Sir Gerald du Maurier +at Wyndham’s Theatre on April 22, 1924, with the +following cast:</p> +</blockquote> + + +<table class="autotable"> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Simon Battersby</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">H. O. Nicholson</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Angela</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">Faith Celli</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Jennifer</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">Madge Titheradge</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Captain Holt</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">Basil Loder</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Ethel Holt</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">Una Venning</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Mrs. Faithfull</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">Grace Lane</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Imogen</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">Joan Clement Scott</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Dr. Ainslie</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">Eric Stanley</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Prince Michael</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">Gerald du Maurier</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>James Oliver</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">George Penn</span>.<br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Parlourmaid</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap p5l">Doris Cooper</span>.</td> +</tr> +</table> + + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</span></p> + + + <h3 class="nobreak fnormal fs125 word-sp" id="ACT_I"> + ACT I + </h3> +</div> + + +<p class="hanging"><i>The Scene is the Living-room in the country cottage of the</i> +<span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBYS</span> <i>(father and daughter), a room of oak-beams, +distempered walls and lattice windows. At the +back, between the windows is a door, wide open to the +garden. There is a door on the right which leads to +the other inhabited parts of the house. Along the left +side of the room a staircase ascends easily, to meet at +right angles a low gallery from which bedrooms may +be reached. The door on the left of the gallery is +that of</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA’S</span> <i>room. To the right the gallery leads +to</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY’S</span> <i>room and the bathroom. Underneath +the stairs is a “glory-hole” with a curtain across it.</i></p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>It is nearly 8 o’clock on a warm evening in May. +Being summer time it is still full daylight, and no +attempt has been made to pretend otherwise. The +women’s dresses must take their chance. Time enough +to light up after dinner, particularly as electricity has +not yet discovered Wych Trentham.</i></p> + +<p class="hanging p1b"><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>, <i>aged 18, half-dressed, in rather a casual wrap, +cigarette-holder in mouth, is moving about the room +with a slow, indifferent grace, which is much too +charming to be a physical attribute only. Her indolence, +both of voice and movement, is part of herself; +she has the air—odd, and therefore attractive, on such +a youthful prettiness—of living in another world, with +a faint smile for this one. At present she is tidying +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</span>up the room for her dinner-party; not with any sort of +fussiness; but in the care-free manner of one to whom +it has occurred casually in the middle of her dressing +that Royalty may be here at any moment, and that her +father’s dog-bitten slippers may be in any corner of +the room. While we watch her, she stoops down and +collects one from underneath the sofa; looks thoughtfully +about, moves a chair and discloses the other one. +She takes the pair and drops them in the glory-hole. +Then she speaks, raising her voice a little.</i></p> + + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Are you out of the bath, Father?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>She goes on tidying: old newspapers now.</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> +<i>opens the door of his bedroom and looks +out</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> In a sense, yes, dear. I was just going in.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>to herself</i>). Good Heavens!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> I’m very quick. (<i>His head begins to go +back.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> You’ve put the wine out? (<i>Silence.</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY’S</span> +<i>head stops its movement</i>.) Oh Lord, he hasn’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>firmly, as he comes out, tying his dressing-gown</i>). +I <em>am</em> putting the wine out. (<i>He comes down +the stairs; a man of about 50, tall and bearded. In a +towelled bath-gown and bedroom slippers he is unconventionally +dressed for the dining-room, but you feel that he would +always be a little like that. He has a quick, nervous way +of talking, as if he were communing, rather apologetically, +with himself.</i>) And the cigars. (<i>He goes into the glory-hole.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>resigned</i>). Anyway, everybody knows we’re +always late in this house.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>coming out with two boxes of cigars</i>). <em>He</em> +wouldn’t know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well, he will after to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> That’s true.... There are only four +of the good cigars left.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Surely he won’t want more than four?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> One requires a certain margin.... +And then there are the others. This secretary fellow, +Holt, and the Doctor, isn’t it? Five with me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I can’t have my medical attendant puffing +cigars in a hygienic house like this.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> He’d prefer his pipe, in any case. So, +if Holt has one of the cheaper brand, and the secretary +and I have one good one each, that will leave two for the +Prince. (<i>He puts the four Coronas on top of a broken box +of cheaper ones.</i>) I shall tell Holt that the lower ones are +nuttier. What about the wine? Champagne, I suppose.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). Emily broke the corkscrew the +last time we had champagne. I wonder if we’ve got +another.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> That was an inferior brand. I have some +better than that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> She’d better make a popping noise as she +takes the cork out—to be on the safe side. Have you +got enough?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> A dozen.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Half a bottle each, and seven and a half +bottles for the Prince. That ought to be all right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> My dear, you’re looking forward to +seeing him again just as much as I am. (<i>Opening an +empty box</i>) I suppose you’ve got some cigarettes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Some.... A Prince seems much more +natural in the South of France. You sit next to him +at lunch, and he’s like anybody else. In England you +feel a snob to be meeting him at all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> He invited himself. <em>We</em> didn’t ask him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I don’t say I <em>am</em> a snob. I say I <em>feel</em> a snob.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Pooh! What’s a Prince?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> And I don’t say I <em>feel</em> undressed, I <em>am</em> +undressed. (<i>She pulls her wrap round her, and strolls +upstairs.</i>) Go and tell Emily about the champagne.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Prince Michael Robolski of Neo-Slavonia—there +are hundreds like that all over Europe. Penny +plain, twopence coloured.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>on the stairs</i>). Yes, but only one in Wych +Trentham. So we must make the most of him. (<i>She +goes into her room.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>mumbling to himself</i>). What’s a Prince in +this democratic age? (<i>He goes kitchenwards.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>The room is empty for a moment, and then</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> +<i>appears at the garden door. She is 30, and so +overflowing with vitality that some of it has got +into her figure, and led to the word “buxom” +being used. But she is tall enough, and big +enough, mentally and physically, to carry it +off with an air. She enjoys her world; she +enjoys herself. It is jolly being</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>.... +<i>Nobody is about, so she announces +herself.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>loudly</i>). <em>How</em> do you do? So good of you +to come. (<i>Shyly</i>) So kind of you to ask me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>off</i>). Oh, is that you, darling?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Yes. At least it was yesterday. It’s +Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>appearing in the gallery</i>). You’re early, aren’t +you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I haven’t really come yet. Am I dining?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Of course. Life and soul of the party.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> That’s a comfort. I just stepped across to +make sure. Last time, you remember, you sent me +away and told me to come in afterwards. Luckily I +had a little cold beef in the house. But there’s something +about sitting down to cold beef and pickles in +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</span>diamonds and a dress with no back to it——Well, I +just stepped across to make sure. And now I’ll step +back again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Oh, stop now you’re here!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>She disappears into her room for a moment, but</i> +<span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> <i>doesn’t realise that she is gone</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Good gracious, no! And be introduced +to the Prince with a crowd of others? Never on your +life! I shall make a late but superb entry. All the +men will look at me, and say, “Thank God, now we can +eat”; and all the women will look at me and say (quite +correctly), “She came late on purpose, how like her”; +and the Prince will look at me, with a sudden reviving +interest in what he had feared would be a very +dull evening, and he’ll say, “<i lang="fr">Chère Madame</i>”—Or +does he talk English? (<i>There is no answer. She +realises that she is alone.</i>) Have I been soliloquising all +this time?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>coming out</i>). Sorry. What did you say?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> My last words, when solitude descended +upon me, were, “Does he talk English?”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Perfectly. (<i>She comes slowly downstairs, still +smoking.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> You should have mentioned it in your +invitation. We’ve all been rubbing up our <cite>Easy French +in Six Lessons</cite>. Well, then, the Prince will say, “Ah, +dear Lady, this was indeed worth waiting for.” No, +that isn’t very good. Well—anyhow—he’ll look at me. +And there’s more of me to look at every day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> It is ridiculous of you to pretend that you’re +fat. Why do you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I don’t. No woman pretends she’s fat. +But every woman over thirty is afraid. On her thirtieth +birthday she starts looking at herself in the glass, and +saying, “Is it, or is it not?” And a morning comes +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</span>when she says, “I wonder.” I said it this morning. I +say, where <em>is</em>—wherever it is?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Neo-Slavonia? I don’t know. (<i>With a +wave of her cigarette</i>) Down at the bottom on the right, +I suppose. Somewhere.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> They make geography so quickly nowadays +that I can’t keep up with it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> A sort of buffer-state. (<i>She gives</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> +<i>her ear-rings</i>.) There’s a dear. I shall make a mess of +my hair.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>fixing them</i>). If one has never heard of a +country, one always calls it “a sort of buffer-state.” +“Miss Angela Battersby was wearing the family drops.” +It must be difficult to feel very patriotic about a country +which is only used so as to prevent two other countries +from getting at each other.... Other ear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>turning round</i>). It’s never difficult to feel +very patriotic.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> True. At least it’s never difficult to +feel how very unpatriotic other people are.... +My buffer, ’tis of thee!... Is he very good-looking?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Not bad.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And, to get down to my own class, what’s +the secretary like?... There!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>looking at herself in the glass</i>). Thanks.... +We haven’t seen him. The Prince wrote to say that he +was in London. Could he—and so on? I said, Delighted. +Then he wrote that he and his secretary were at the +Bull at Medenham. Could they—and so forth? I said, +Of course. I suppose he’s a sort of courier, equerry, +orderly, or whatever you call it. I must go and finish +myself. (<i>She goes.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, speaking as a widow with no desire +to marry again, I wish you luck.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>smiling mysteriously at her from half-way up the +stairs</i>). Don’t be vulgar, Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I like being vulgar. It suits my shape. +Anyhow, darling, promise that I shall be the first to hear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> You’re sure to be, I should think. You’re +quite capable of hiding behind a tree, and listening. +(<i>She goes into her room.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>complacently</i>). I am. (<i>Surveying herself</i>) +And thank you for “tree,” darling. I was afraid you +were going to say “bush” or “clump.” (<i>Going.</i>) +About another quarter-of-an-hour, do you think, for my +entry? (<span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>calls out something</i>.) What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>putting her head out</i>). You haven’t got any +French mustard, have you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>doubtfully</i>). <em>With</em> French mustard, you +think?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I knew I’d forgotten something.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I’ll bring some round, if you like.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>retiring</i>). Do.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I will.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>At which moment</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> <i>comes back from the +cellar</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Hallo, Jennifer, good-evening.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Good-evening, Simon. (<i>Reproachfully</i>) +You never told me it was court dress!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> What? Oh! (<i>Looking at himself</i>) Just +going to have a bath. You couldn’t be much sweller +than you are, could you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). Much—what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Much more grand.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>re-assured</i>). Oh! Just for a moment +I——Well, a train and feathers.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> He isn’t really royalty, you know. +Neo-Slavonia is only⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>nodding</i>). A sort of buffer-state.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Exactly. And though, I understand, +he’s related to the reigning house⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> There’s no chance of Angela being a +queen.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>from her bedroom</i>). Send that woman away, +Father. And for goodness’ sake, get dressed.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> It’s Jennifer, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> It sounded like Mrs. Bulger.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> It is, darling.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>throwing up his hands</i>). If only it weren’t! +<em>Why</em> did.... I mean, <em>why</em> don’t.... (<i>He shudders.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>innocently</i>). Don’t you like my name?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> It’s a horrible name.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I love it. Jennifer Bulger, widow of the +late General James Bulger, C.B. It’s sweet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> It may have been all right for <em>him</em>—we +never knew him—but for <em>you</em>! Jennifer!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> No, no, you mustn’t propose in your +dressing-gown.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>off</i>). Is Father proposing <em>again</em>?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>shouting</i>). This is not a proposal. It’s an +æsthetic impulse. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>) I want you to have +a name which becomes you. You ought to be Jennifer +Battersby, even at the cost of marrying <em>me</em>.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Dear Simon, nice Simon. You know you +don’t mean it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> I mean it, every time.... But I must +admit that I’m always a little relieved when you refuse +me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Dear Simon, of course you are.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>looking out</i>). Oh, <em>come</em> on, Father!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>soothingly</i>). I won’t marry you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Yes, but I don’t think you must marry +anybody else. Promise me that you won’t marry the +Prince without my permission.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Good gracious, that’s two of us after him +already! (<i>Firmly</i>) I promise nothing, but that I shall +enjoy myself to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> You always do. That’s why you’re so +adorable.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>from the gallery</i>). Give him a smile, Jennifer, +and get rid of him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>laughing happily</i>). I do like Battersbys. +There’s something about them.... <i lang="fr">Au revoir!</i> (<i>She +waves and is gone.</i>)</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> <i>at last goes up to his bath</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Hurry up, darling.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>impressively</i>). Have you ever seen forked +lightning playing over water? That’s me in my bath. +(<i>He disappears.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>remains on the gallery, as</i> <span class="allsmcap">EMILY</span>, <i>the +parlourmaid, comes in with a tray of cocktails</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Are those the cocktails, Emily?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY.</span> Yes, miss.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Good. (<i>She comes slowly downstairs, still +smoking.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY.</span> Ellen says I was to remind you about the +French mustard, miss.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Mrs. Bulger is bringing some round. (<i>She +takes a cocktail.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY.</span> Thank you, miss. (<i>Nervously</i>) Do I say, +“Your Royal Highness,” miss?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I really don’t know. (<i>Drinking</i>) “Your +Highness,” I should think. But don’t overdo it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY.</span> Thank you, miss.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> He won’t throw anything at you, if you’re +wrong. (<i>Finishing her drink, and giving</i> <span class="allsmcap">EMILY</span> <i>the glass</i>) +You’d better take this out. (<i>She goes back to her room.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY.</span> Yes, miss.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">ETHEL HOLT</span> <i>come in. He, a thick-set +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</span>young soldier, is just over 30, she just under. +He is a very serious young man, of a sort of +determined intellectuality. Nothing escapes him. +Even the lightest remark made by another requires +thinking out. She is a bright helpmeet +for such a man, the best of wives; with, like +most wives, more intelligence than appears on +the surface, and enough character to look after +herself.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>brightly</i>). Why, we’re the first!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>feeling his chin</i>). I might have gone over it +again, after all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Better early than late. Particularly with +royalty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Hardly royalty, dear. Neo-Slavonia ... +one of these small buffer-states which have sprung up +since the Armistice. All Mittel-Europa⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> (<i>loudly</i>). We’re here, Angela! Are we very +early? (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span>) Yes, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> All Mittel-Europa⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>off</i>). Hallo! Is that the Holts?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> You did say eight, didn’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>her head visible</i>). Did I? We’re a bit late, +I expect. Do you want to take anything off?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> No, thank you, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> All Mittel-Europa⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Have a drink, Robert.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Thanks.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Cigarettes. (<i>A leather case sails into the +room.</i>) Sorry.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>picking it up</i>). Thank you, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> All Mittel-Europa⁠——(<i>Holding out drink</i>) +Will you have one, Ethel?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> I don’t think so. Well, perhaps I will. No, +later, I think. (<i>She feels that she would like Royalty to see +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</span>her drinking one.</i>) I’ll keep the Prince company. (<i>She +laughs a little self-consciously.</i>) Cigarette?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> No, thanks. (<i>He drinks.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> I don’t think I will either. What were you +saying about all Mittel-Europa, dear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>drinking</i>). All Mittel-Europa is in a state of +flux just now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>wearing her intelligent face</i>). I suppose so. +Naturally. The War, of course. And the Peace.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> The old Empires are splitting up—disintegrating. +A sort of de-centralisation is going on. +And so you get these small states coming into a precarious +existence. Almost literally a case of “Here +to-day and gone to-morrow.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> You must talk it over with the Prince—if he +talks English, as I suppose he does. They all do, don’t +they? I love listening to a good talk. Men talk so +well, I always think.... They say he’s very good-looking.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> In many cases, of course, these little states +have a connected history of their own. Centuries ago, +before they were absorbed into some ramshackle empire, +they had their own court and customs. You would +probably find that they had never quite lost their +individuality.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Individuality is the great thing, isn’t it? +Oh, did you find out whether we said Sir or Your Highness +or Prince?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> I shall say Sir, of course. You’d better +not say anything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Yes, that’s best, isn’t it?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>still in her wrap, empty cigarette-holder in +her mouth, comes down the stairs</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Can I have my cigarettes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>standing to attention</i>). Good-evening.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>brightly</i>). How <em>are</em> you, dear? Here you +are. (<i>She goes, case in hand, to kiss her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>taking the case and avoiding the kiss</i>). Thanks.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>with a little laugh</i>). We were just wondering +what one called your Prince.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>putting in a cigarette</i>). As long as you don’t +call him <em>my</em> Prince, I don’t mind what you call him. I’ve +only met him once.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Oh, is that so? Monte Carlo, wasn’t it? +(<i>He strikes a match for her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Thanks.... That village above Mentone—what’s +its name? Gorbio. We went there one day. +With a party. Sort of picnic. He was one of them.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>with the air of one who knows Gorbio well</i>). Oh, +yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>strolling upstairs again</i>). Shan’t be long.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They watch her go.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>as soon as it is safe</i>). Well, if you ask <em>me</em>, I +should say that Miss Angela Battersby must have made +good use of that one day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>uncomfortably, feeling that this is rather bad +form</i>). Oh, I don’t know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> I mean it quite nicely, of course. I can quite +see the attraction. She’s so very British, isn’t she? +That would always attract a foreigner.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>wondering if his country is being insulted</i>). +British?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> That air of “Oh, is that <em>you</em>?”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> I don’t see that that’s British exactly. I +should call it the individual rather than the type.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> You know what I mean. (<i>With sudden inspiration</i>) +“I’m Angela Battersby, take it or leave it.” +There!—that’s what I mean. I think it’s rather +attractive.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>frowning</i>). But why British?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Well, that’s rather what Englishmen say.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>wrestling</i>). H’m!... I see what you +mean.... In a way—yes.... I suppose we do. +(<i>He looks at her with an admiration that would be flattering +if it were not surprised.</i>) Now what made you think of +that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Oh, I’m not such a fool as you think.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> I have never thought so for a moment. +Women often have surprising intuitions.... “I am +an Englishman, take it or leave it.” That’s good, +Ethel. I must tell the Prince that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). You will say I said it, won’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> My dear, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>taking his arm</i>). Dear old boy! Let’s go +into the garden. It’s nicer outside.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>coming</i>). You’re quite right, Ethel. We +do.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Do what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> That’s why so many foreigners⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>as they approach the door</i>). Mrs. Faithfull—I +didn’t know <em>she</em> was coming.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>But she is. For here they are at the door—the +Queen of Wych Trentham, and her only child</i>, +<span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>. <span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span>, <i>short and square, +with the absolute assurance of a woman of 55 +who has to her credit the achievements of wifehood +and motherhood, and can therefore speak +with authority on all subjects, exercises her prerogatives +benignly. Practically all it comes to +is that she expects the host to take her in. At +present she is very much a mother to</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>, +<i>who at 18</i>, <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA’S</span> <i>age, is a dumb school-girl +in the royal presence, and a precocious one in her +absence</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>brightly</i>). Good-evening. Angela’s still dressing. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</span>We’re early, so we’re just going into the garden. +(<i>Which explains the whole thing.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Good-evening, Ethel. Good-evening, +Captain Holt.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Good-evening. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>) How are <em>you</em>, +Miss Faithfull?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> <i>smiles shyly</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Very well, thank you, Captain Holt.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>). What a sweet dress, dear. (<span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> +<i>looks modest</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Pink suits us. We always try to +keep to pink.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>off</i>). Is that you, Mrs. Faithfull? Do you +want to take anything off, or would you rather have a +cocktail?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> I will just come up for a moment, I +think. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>) You can keep that shawl on, +dear, for the present. It suits you. (<i>She goes up the +stairs.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>off</i>). Robert, give Imogen a cigar or a drink +or something.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>firmly</i>). No, thank you, Captain Holt. +(<i>She goes into</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA’S</span> <i>room</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>). Come into the garden with us. +It’s cooler there.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>with glass</i>). Sure you won’t?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span>). Have <em>you</em> had one?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> No, I don’t think just yet, perhaps.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Oh! (<i>She takes the drink.</i>) Then I will. +And Mother will count and think it’s your glass. (<i>Drinking</i>) +I don’t like the taste <em>very</em> much, do you? I +suppose you get used to it. I say, aren’t you excited +about the Prince? Do you think he’s a real Prince? +Do you think he’s in love with Angela? (<i>She drinks +again.</i>) I don’t think I like this very much.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>holding out his hand</i>). I shouldn’t drink it +if you don’t like it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>before letting go of the glass</i>). Would <em>you</em> +leave half of yours, Mrs. Holt?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> I might. I do sometimes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Oh, then that’s all right. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span>) +Thank you. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span>) Do we curtsey?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>who hadn’t thought of this</i>). Oh, no! I +don’t⁠——(<i>Panic.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> I’ve been practising. Up in my room. +(<i>She gives us one.</i>) It looks jolly, doesn’t it? I’ve been +doing it in front of the glass—mostly in a nightie. +(<i>She gives us another, not so successful.</i>) It’s easier in a +nightie.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Oh, but Robert has just been explaining. +Neo-Slavonia is only⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> A sort of buffer-state.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Mother says you just call him Prince Michael. +I like “Sire” better, don’t you? You’ve never met +him, have you? I believe he’s awfully good-looking.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> It isn’t like an English Prince, you know, +Miss Faithfull. You know, in Europe, “Prince” is +just a title like Duke or Count. That is to say⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Oh, is that so, Robert?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Let’s go into the garden, shall we? I +won’t smoke a cigarette, but if <em>you</em> would, Mrs. Holt, and +blow the smoke in my hair, Mother will think I’ve been +smoking, and then you’ll be able to tell her afterwards +that I haven’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>her arm round</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>). Come on, you funny +girl. (<i>They go out</i>, <span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> <i>still holding forth</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>following</i>). This Prince Michael, you know, +is probably not of the Royal Family—such as it is. A +distant connection, perhaps, but⁠——</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>They are gone.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</span></p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>appear in the gallery</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>as they come downstairs</i>). Have a cocktail, +won’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Thank you.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>She comes down</i>; <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>after her, still undressed, +still smoking</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Help yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>helping herself</i>). He talks English, +of course?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Oh, yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> That’s a comfort. About how old, +would you say?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Thirty-five. Forty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Oh, as old as that? Good-looking?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> All right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Who else are coming?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Dr. Ainslie.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>disapproving</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>disapproving in a different way</i>). Ah!... +There’s something about her which would appeal +to a foreigner, don’t you think?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Why to a foreigner, particularly?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Her figure is a little—foreign, don’t +you think?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>indifferently</i>). Is it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> What sort of stays does she wear—if +any? In my young days when stays <em>were</em> stays, you +either had a ridge across the back or you hadn’t. Nowadays, +there’s nothing to tell you whether they wear +them or they don’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> We’ll ask her at dinner to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Not in front of Imogen, dear, if you +don’t mind.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Doesn’t she know about them?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> She’s looking sweet to-night, don’t +you think? I’m sure the Prince will think so. A little +English wild rose. And have <em>you</em> a pretty dress for us?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Same old blue.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>relieved</i>). Ah!... But it suits you +very well, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> It’s had long enough to get used to me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Still, if the Prince has never seen +it⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>off</i>). Angela!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Hallo!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> May I wear my old coat and a soft shirt?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Why ever not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Holt will have a white waistcoat, I +suppose?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span>). Had he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Oh, yes! (<i>Loudly</i>) Yes, Mr. +Battersby.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Oh, is that you, Mrs. Faithfull? Sorry +I’m not ready.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>a little primly</i>). It’s quite all right, +thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Well, then, Angela, if Holt has a white +waistcoat, and I have a soft shirt, and Ainslie has an +ordinary tail-coat with a stethoscope in it, the Prince +is bound to be all right, <em>whatever</em> he wears.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> The perfect host.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>loudly</i>). What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Soft shirt, darling.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Good! Shan’t be a moment, Mrs. +Faithfull.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> That’s all right, thank you. Angela +is looking after me.... I always think Mr. Battersby +looks so artistic in his velvet coat.... Of course this +is quite an informal visit of Prince Michael’s.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Naturally.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Did you see much of him at +Monte?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> We met him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> And he said, could he come and see +you when he was in England?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> He did say something about it, I believe.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> They often say it, but they don’t +always come.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>sympathetically</i>). Don’t they?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Well, of course, I don’t encourage +it for Imogen. Not abroad. You never know Who <em>is</em> +Who.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> As long as they’re amusing⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> The amusing ones are never Who. +You can depend on that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Then we’re in for a dull evening.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Oh, a Prince is different. Prince +Michael⁠——(<i>Very carelessly</i>) We just call him Prince +Michael, I suppose. An informal visit, naturally. I +told Imogen, yes—he is sure to be interesting. +(<i>Vaguely</i>) All Europe just now, I think. New groupings +of nationalities. One so rarely hears the real +truth. I am told that we are much nearer to another +world-war than we think. The Prince must tell us. I +suppose Neo-Slavonia <em>is</em> pro-Ally?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Are there any allies now? They’re fond of +the English, I believe.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Oh, well, that’s a good thing.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They are interrupted by</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>at the open door</i>). French mustard. Don’t +tell me I ought to have gone to the back door +with it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Oh, thanks. (<i>She puts the mustard on the +table, and calls out.</i>) Emily!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span>). Good-evening, dear. +What a charming dress! (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>) May I go back +and change mine?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>pleased</i>). We must do what we +can when there are so many pretty young ones +round us.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>with a charming, modest laugh</i>). Oh, how +sweet⁠——(<i>The laugh stops suddenly. In which group is +she included? She says solemnly</i>) Yes. We must.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>indicating cocktail</i>). Have one?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> My dear, I daren’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> You <em>are</em> absurd.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY</span> (<i>coming in</i>). Yes, miss?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>nodding at it</i>). Mustard.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">EMILY</span> <i>takes it and goes out</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>resigned</i>). I suppose I shan’t see <em>that</em> +again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Angela was just telling me that the +Neo-Slavonians are very fond of the English.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Yes, Gladstone or somebody said something +in 1874 which they have never quite forgotten +... but which I have.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> What sort of thing?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Legitimate aspirations ... which <em>although</em> +... <em>yet</em> ... in the not far-distant future⁠——<em>You</em> know +how they talk.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>nodding profoundly</i>). It is curious to +think that if Mr. Gladstone had never said—whatever +exactly it was—fifty years ago, Prince Michael mightn’t +have been dining here to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And if Mr. Faithfull had never said “I love +you” twenty-five years ago, Imogen mightn’t have been +dining here to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>stiffly</i>). That doesn’t strike me as so +curious.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Still, it is interesting. Angela, darling, +if you don’t get dressed, nobody will be dining here +to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>lounging off</i>). I’m just ready. (<i>She goes up.</i>) +The others are in the garden.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I saw a pretty pink butterfly on the lawn. +I suppose that was Imogen.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>absently</i>). Yes, we always wear pink +in the evening.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). Isn’t it funny that there aren’t +any pink butterflies? I’d never thought of it before. +Reds and yellows and blues and browns and purples, but +no pinks. I wonder why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>who doesn’t wonder why</i>). We shall +know one day, I daresay.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I’d rather know now, because I’m sure to +forget later on. There will be so many questions to ask +when we get to Heaven. (<i>Childishly</i>) What’s your +first one? I’ll tell you what mine is. I shall say, “Now, +<em>what</em> about all those stars? What were they there +for?”</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> <i>feels uncomfortably that there is +nothing about this in the Church of England +Services, and gets back to butterflies</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> The General must have seen many +beautiful butterflies in India.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> He didn’t talk about them.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>coming to the point</i>). What did happen +at Monte, do you know?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>at a loss</i>). Monty?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Between Angela and the Prince.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Oh—Monte! I always call it Carlo.... +Did anything happen?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> She evidently made a great impression. +Of course nothing could ever⁠——Still, in these +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</span>democratic days, I suppose⁠——She hasn’t said anything +to <em>you</em>?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> She told me not to be vulgar when I +hinted that⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>stiffly</i>). There is a vulgar way and +another way, no doubt, of making these enquiries.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>cheerfully</i>). Yes, mine was the vulgar way. +(<i>With an air</i>) But, after all, are we not women? The +moment they meet, shall we not know if “soft eyes look +love to eyes which speak again”?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Oh, one always knows, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>romantically</i>).</p> + +<div class="poetry-container"> + <div class="poetry"> + <div class="verse indentq">“And she was only seventeen,</div> + <div class="verse indent0">Nor child, nor woman, but between—</div> + <div class="verse indent0">And oh! the love light in her een!”</div> + </div> +</div> + +<p class="noindent">But if the light be not there, I shall wish <em>Imogen</em> luck, +and I don’t care how vulgar anybody calls me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>deprecating, but pleased</i>). Oh, Imogen +is only a baby.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> As old as Angela.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>firmly</i>). Not in the sight of Heaven.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>to herself</i>). That will be another thing to +ask about when I get there.... (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span>) +Of course we must remember that the Prince’s prospects +are not necessarily confined to Wych Trentham. He +may decide to marry <em>out</em> of the village.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">DR. AINSLIE</span> <i>is at the door. At 50 he has a sense of +humour which the ladies call “so satirical”; +and, in his own words, he can “stand anything +but shams,” by which he means Religion, +Royalty and other politenesses much esteemed in +Wych Trentham. Some people call him a +cynic, without quite knowing what it means, and +they all say that “it is a great pity he never +married.”</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Do I come in, or do I go to the front door and +get announced in style?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Which do you generally do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> (<i>sarcastically</i>). I don’t generally have the +honour of meeting a Prince. Good-evening, Mrs. +Faithfull.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>coldly</i>). Good-evening.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Outwardly calm, but with beating hearts, +and murmuring a few French phrases to ourselves, we +await the arrival of His Highness.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>). Is Imogen outside, +dear? I think I’ll go to her.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> (<i>making way for her</i>). She is the one in pink. +(<span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> <i>goes out haughtily</i>.) That woman doesn’t +like me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>consolingly</i>). But the next doctor is a long +way off.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Oh, professionally, I have no anxiety. But +she doesn’t like me. Do you know why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Your diffident manner?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> I told her that she was bringing Imogen up +badly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Speaking as a doctor, or as a—bachelor?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> As a substitute for the Vicar. (<i>Indicating +the drinks</i>) Are these for me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Some of them. (<i>He goes to the table, and +holds up one.</i>) No, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> (<i>drinking</i>). I said: “You are robbing Imogen +of her youth.” Look at all the other jolly little girls +you see about. They drink, and they smoke, and they +swear, and they read improper books, and they’re very +clever and cynical, and we say, “Bless their dear little +hearts! Youth, youth! I was as young as that once.” +I tell you, Jennifer, it brings tears into my eyes sometimes, +to see them so young and so pleased with themselves, +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</span>and to think that they will have to grow up. +But Imogen will marry and settle down before she has +had any youth at all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>smiling</i>). I fancy that Imogen is deeper +than you think. When she is away from her mother⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Deep! But that’s what I’m saying! She’s +as deep as you or I. She has no business to be deep +at her age. Deep! She’s probably romantic, and all +sorts of nice elderly things like that. I daresay she’s +told herself stories about this ridiculous Prince of yours. +Just as <em>you</em> have. (<i>He drinks and says firmly</i>) I don’t +know about anybody else, but I do not propose to call +him “Sir.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> “Nobody asked you, Sir, she said.... +Sir, she said.”... Sir, <em>she</em> said—unlike the doctor of +Wych Trentham.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> <em>And</em> I shall talk English.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>disappointedly</i>). Oh!... Couldn’t you say +a few words in medical Latin now and then?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> That reminds me. Is there an Established +Church in Neo-Slavonia?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Good gracious, what a question to ask a +lone widow woman suddenly!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> It’s a new country, so it may still be free +from the shackles of ecclesiasticism.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Will this be the general trend of the conversation +this evening? Because, if so, I should like +to go back for my cigarette cards.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> (<i>warming to it</i>). No country with an Established +Church has any claim to be considered civilised. +But the fools won’t see it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>soothingly</i>). They never do, do they? I +don’t believe they try. (<i>Very soothingly</i>) Shall I put +your glass down for you, or hold your hobby-horse while +you dismount?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> (<i>with a laugh</i>). All right, I’ll spare you the +rest. (<i>He pats her hand affectionately.</i>)</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>comes down, dressed at last</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Hallo!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> (<i>shaking hands</i>). Good-evening. Produce your +Prince.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Isn’t he here?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> He’s looking for the red carpet. Have you +got a red carpet? I came in through the garden. The +village band ought to be playing the Neo-Slavonian +National Anthem. Why isn’t it? This party is being +run very badly.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> <i>comes down from his bedroom, as the +others return from the garden</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Hallo, Doctor. (<i>He beckons him on one +side.</i>) I say, we’re a cigar short. You’d rather have a +pipe, wouldn’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Even if I wouldn’t, I should smoke it +to-night, as an assertion of my Republican principles.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Excellent. Could you also assert your +medical principles, and tell Holt that any one of the four +big cigars on the top of the box would undoubtedly +be fatal to him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Do I speak as one who knows Holt’s constitution, +or as one who knows the cigars?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> I don’t mind which way you put it, as +long as you frighten him.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> <i>have been greeting the others</i>. +<span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> <i>now joins them</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well, we may as well sit down. I don’t know +how long he’s going to be. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span>) +Come along.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They sit on the sofa together.</i> <span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>, +<i>assisted by the men, find seats</i>. <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</span><i>stands by the open door, where she is joined by</i> +<span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> He’s driving over, I suppose.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I suppose so.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>There is an awkward silence.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>breaking it</i>). One, two, three.... I was just +counting, making sure we weren’t going to be thirteen.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Why? (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>) Have you got only +twelve plates?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> I don’t care what you say, Dr. Ainslie, there +<em>is</em> something in it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Folly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>seriously</i>). I’ve known some funny things +happen, Ainslie. In the war.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Even in a war nothing would happen which +could be so funny as the superstitious man’s Theory of +the Universe. Particularly if he also professed to be a +religious man.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well, nothing funny is going to happen +to-night, because we’re only ten.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>looking round the room</i>). Ten?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> There’s a sort of secretary person coming +with him. Name of Oliver.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Oh! Hasn’t he any other name?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> James.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>at a loss</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> J. Oliver or O. James? Or doesn’t he mind?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> J. Oliver. He’s driving him over, much to +the disappointment of the cook, who hoped for a real +chauffeur.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> With the latest royal scandal to communicate.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>There is another awkward silence.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>breaking it</i>). Mr. Oliver’s a soldier, I suppose. +(<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span>) I wonder if you’ll know him.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> There was an Oliver in the Middlesex +Regiment—Second Battalion.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Another silence. But</i> <span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> <i>is determined to make +the party go</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Was he nice?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Oh, all right. I hardly knew him.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>Silence.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>trying again</i>). I wonder if that’s the one.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Hardly likely, I should think.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>Silence.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>a last effort</i>). Oh, I don’t know, he might be.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>The conversation, which never promised much, has +now abandoned hope. There is another long +silence.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + + +<table class="autotable" style="float: left"> +<tr> +<td class="tdl nowrap"><span class="allsmcap phalfl">MRS. FAITHFULL</span></td> +<td class="tdl fs175" rowspan="2"> }</td> +<td class="tdl" rowspan="2">(<i>simultaneously</i>).</td> +<td class="tdl fs175" rowspan="2"> { </td> +<td class="tdl">I wonder if there’s any chance⁠——</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><span class="allsmcap phalfl">ROBERT</span></td> +<td class="tdl">You don’t know if he plays⁠——</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><span class="allsmcap phalfl">ROBERT</span> </td> +<td class="tdl fs175" rowspan="2">}</td> +<td class="tdl" rowspan="2">(<i>simultaneously</i>). </td> +<td class="tdl fs175" rowspan="2">{</td> +<td class="tdl" rowspan="2">I beg your pardon.</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td class="tdl nowrap"><span class="allsmcap phalfl">MRS. FAITHFULL</span></td> +</tr> +</table> + + + + +<p class="right" style="clear: both"> + (<i>Each waits for the other.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Please!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> I was only wondering how long he +was to be in the neighbourhood. Did he say anything +about that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> It depends how charming we are to-night.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>Everybody waits for</i> <span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). What were <em>you</em> going to say, dear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Nothing. I wondered if we might rope him +in for the match on Saturday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> He wouldn’t play cricket, would he? It’s +such an English game, isn’t it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> I just wondered. He was at an English +school, wasn’t he?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I think so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Oh! I didn’t know. That makes a difference, +doesn’t it?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>Another silence.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>from the window, where he has been talking +to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>). I don’t believe he’s coming, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>calmly</i>). Then he’ll miss a very good dinner.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Good!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>the authority</i>). Naturally Royalty +must arrive last.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> I suppose so. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span>) Oh, I meant to +ask you, Robert, what happened when that German +Prince dined in your Mess? (<i>Hurriedly to the others</i>) +Before the war, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>at the door</i>). S’sh.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>She takes a step into the garden. They all listen.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> I think I hear his car.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>looking in</i>). He comes!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>She disappears, but they are not noticing her. All, +save</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>, <i>have become self-conscious. There +is a strained silence. They feel at their clothes +to make sure they are all right.</i> <span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> +<i>touches up</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>. <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>, <i>at ease, is still +smoking</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY</span> (<i>announcing</i>). Prince Michael Robolski, Mr. +Oliver.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They come in. The</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> <i>is a man of 40, with +an upturned moustache, pleasant-looking, active +in body and mind. He speaks with a very slight +foreign accent, and wears a coloured ribbon in the +lapel of his coat.</i> <span class="allsmcap">OLIVER</span> <i>is a very young +Englishman, smooth, round-faced, and rather +obviously new to his job</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>getting up gracefully</i>). Hallo! Nice to see +you again.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>bending over her hand</i>). Mademoiselle! But +this is delightful! May I present my good friend who +takes care of me, Mr. Oliver?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">OLIVER</span>). How do you do? (<i>They shake +hands.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>coming forward</i>). Very glad to see you +again, Prince Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>shaking hands with him</i>). But how kind of you +to have me in your house.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>hand out to</i> <span class="allsmcap">OLIVER</span>). How do you do? +Find the way all right?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER.</span> Oh yes, rather, thank you, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>to the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>). Now then, come along.... +This is Mrs. Faithfull.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>holding out his hand</i>). Madame!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>curtseying</i>). How do you do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> And Miss Faithfull.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> May I present my little girl, Imogen, +to Your Highness?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>holding out his hand, and smiling</i>). How do +you do, Miss Imogen?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> <i>nearly swoons</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Imogen, dear! I am afraid, Prince +Michael, that my little girl is rather shy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>charmingly</i>). But we are all friends here, are +we not?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>He takes her hand.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>in a faint whisper</i>). How do you do?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> <i>administers first aid</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Dr. Ainslie.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). The Champion of the Established +Church?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> He’s a Republican, really.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Angela has been telling tales out of +school.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>holding out his hand</i>). Still we shake hands, +do we not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> (<i>shaking it, and smiling</i>). Without prejudice.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Oh, but perfectly. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>) You see, +I remember what you tell me. (<i>He comes to the</i> <span class="allsmcap">HOLTS</span>.) +And this would be—you tell me of them⁠——The soldier +with the pretty wife⁠——(<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span>) Pardon, madame, +but she did say so. And now I see for myself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Captain and Mrs. Holt.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Holt! But of course.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They shake hands.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>blushing</i>). How do you do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>bravely, like a soldier</i>). How do you do, sir?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">OLIVER</span> <i>has been following with</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> But where’s Jennifer?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They all look round in bewilderment.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> That would be <ins class="corr" title="Transcriber’s Note—Original text: 'Madame Boolager'" id="tn-31">Madame Boulager</ins>, the +General’s widow.... And that’s all Princes are good +for in these times, is it not so, Doctor? Remembering.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well, come and have a drink.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Mademoiselle thinks of everything. (<i>He +takes a cocktail, and looks round the room.</i>) So this is where +my friends the Battersbys live?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> You like it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> How can I not like it? It is yourselves. I +bow to the flowers as I come through the garden: +“Miss Angela, we meet again.” I shake hands with +the front door, and say, “Battersby, how well you are +looking.” (<i>Indicating the gallery</i>) Mademoiselle stands +up there sometimes. (<span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>nods</i>.) And looks down on +the little children playing below. I can see her. (<i>Raising +his glass to the room</i>) I drink to you. (<i>He drinks.</i>) +And Mademoiselle is here also. (<i>To his cocktail</i>) “How +do you do, Miss Angela?” (<i>He picks up a second glass.</i>) +But you must drink too.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY</span> (<i>announcing</i>). Mrs. Bulger!</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> <i>sweeps superbly in</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>, <i>who comes to meet her</i>). Darling, +I’m so sorry I’m late. Do forgive me! (<i>She kisses her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>smiling and releasing herself</i>). Come along. +Prince Michael, this is my friend, Jennifer.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER’S</span> <i>smile changes suddenly into an expression +of amazement. She stares at the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>, +<i>who smiles pleasantly back at her. Then with +an effort she gains control of herself.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>slowly</i>). How do you do, Prince Michael?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with a friendly smile</i>). How do you do? +(<i>He has a glass in each hand, and he looks whimsically +from one to the other of them.</i>) You will forgive me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>with a sudden laugh</i>). I think I’ll have one +too.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He gives her one. They drink, their eyes on each +other.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY.</span> Dinner is served.</p> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</span></p> + + + <h3 class="nobreak fnormal fs125 word-sp" id="ACT_II"> + ACT II + </h3> +</div> + + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>The women have had their coffee in the dining-room, and +now—10:30 nearly—they are all coming back together, +talking as they come.</i></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I assure you, Miss Battersby, that absence +of ceremony is what most I like. I should have been +desolated if you had deserted us.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> You get enough ceremonial, I expect.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Those wearisome Court dinners! (<i>He +shudders.</i>) So long as the women are there—charming!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Whoever the women are?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They gradually find themselves seats, instinctively +grouping themselves round the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Whoever the women are. But when they +leave us⁠——!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Stuffy political talk, eh?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). So wearisome.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I can’t stand politics at any price.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Nor I. When the women are there, we +talk of many things. But when the men are left alone +with their wine and their cigars, and one of our great +statesmen move his chair next to mine, and in a low +voice begin to tell me of the little dancer he has discovered—(<i>he +makes a gesture of boredom</i>)—no; I, too, +cannot stand politics.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>hastily</i>). Yes, I suppose dancing is as +much a national pastime with you as with the Russians.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> As with all nations.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I feel that I want to ask Prince Michael +a great deal about his country. (<i>She looks meaningly at +him.</i>) And about himself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>returning her look</i>). I am at your service, +madame.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Suppose we begin like the geography +books. Chief industries. Exports and imports.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>brightly</i>). They always asked that, didn’t +they?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Since the Peace Conference our chief industry +has been fighting.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>nodding professionally</i>). Ah! Quite so, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> A European War is an impossibility just +now. The big countries dislike each other so much that +there are no Allies, and without Allies, how can you +have a really good war? So we little countries—how +do you say?—keep the pot boiling. Our season opens +in March. If we declare war first, we export soldiers. +If the enemy declares war first, we import them. At +the close of the season, in October, we export journalists, +and import Boundary Commissioners.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Most interesting. Your literature, +of course, we are all getting to know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>pleased</i>). Indeed? Our famous poet-dramatist, +Tushkin—you read him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Naturally.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>There is a general murmur of assent.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>looking at them admiringly</i>). So you all know +him? Excellent.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Is he popular in your country?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> He is considered highly immoral.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>unhappily</i>). Oh! I should hardly⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> In this country immoral plays are only +allowed on Sundays.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Oh? In that case Tushkin would certainly +be limited to Easter Sunday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>hastily</i>). Really, really, really! (<i>To</i> +<span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>) What is it, dear? Yes.... Yes, I’m sure +you could. My little girl wants to ask you, Prince +Michael—is that a Neo-Slavonian order which you are +wearing?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> But certainly. Our Order of the Leopard. +First Class.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Oh yes, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> A military order, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> A general order—according to the class, +you understand. There are seven classes altogether.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Oh yes!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The First Class for members of the blood +royal; however distinguished, or, as in my case, undistinguished. +(<i>Murmurs of dissent.</i>) I thank you! The +Second Class for distinguished statesmen, diplomats +and so forth. The Third Class for those eminent in war. +Our famous Generals.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> And Admirals. Quite so, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> It is, I assure you, not so much lack of +gallantry as lack of a coast-line which prevents us from +having equally famous Admirals.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>red</i>). Of course. I was forgetting.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The Fourth Class is for our Bankers, our +Financial Geniuses, our great employers of Labour. +Your Mr. Harrod would be a Leopard of the Fourth +Class. Our Fifth Class for the professional men who +have achieved eminence—lawyers, doctors and the like. +And the Sixth Class for the men of science. <i lang="fr">Voilà!</i></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> But you said seven classes, Prince +Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>carelessly</i>). Oh, the Seventh Class is just for +writers, painters and composers. I had forgotten them.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Oh, yes!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>nervously</i>). Ma—may⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> S’sh, dear!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You were saying, Miss Imogen?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> How kind of you, Prince Michael! +You wanted to ask the Prince, dear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>with a rush</i>). Wh—which is the top class?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>pained</i>). Really!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The artists last, as in England. We are +great admirers of the English.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> You don’t follow us in having an Established +Church, I hope?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Ah, that Established Church!</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They all laugh.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). He shan’t be laughed at!... +Well, Prince Michael?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> In Neo-Slavonia we have what you would call +a “good form” church, just as you have here, but it has +no authority—except, no doubt, with Heaven.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Good!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> So you are great admirers of the English, +Prince Michael?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Who is not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> A good many, I’m afraid.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> That air of—how shall I describe it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>coughing</i>). I am an Englishman—take it or +leave it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Excellent, excellent!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). Robert!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> That is how England goes about the world. +No wonder she is loved. And America, she says, “I +am an American—gee! isn’t that great?” And +France, the most insular country in the world, France +says, “<i lang="fr">Moi, je suis français—pardon!</i>”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And the Neo-Slavonian?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> He says, “I talk about myself too much.” +(<i>He makes a movement as if to get up.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>getting up</i>). Let’s go into the garden, shall +we? (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>) Or would you rather play Bridge?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I can play Bridge anywhere. (<i>Looking at</i> +<span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>) Only here can I talk to your friends. (<i>He +looks at</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>, <i>who smiles and understands</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span>). Come along, then.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They lead the way.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>). Are you coming, dear?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They go out together. The men wait for</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Don’t wait for me. I have a shawl upstairs. +(<i>She moves slowly as if to get it.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> May I not wait, madame?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> But how kind of you, Prince Michael!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> That’s right, Prince Michael. Bring +her along. (<i>He shepherds the others out.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>, <i>three stairs up, and the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>, <i>in the +middle of the room, stand waiting until the others +can no longer be heard</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>moving towards it</i>). Shall I close the door?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>mockingly</i>). As Your Highness pleases.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>He smiles, and comes back.</i>) +</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> <i>comes down the stairs, and stands two or +three yards away, looking at him</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, Michael?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Well, Jennifer? (<i>He has no foreign +accent now.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> So you’ve come back to me at last.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Four years, isn’t it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> About that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> You’re getting on in the world.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Aren’t I?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Fancy! A real Prince!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> But of a very small country.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> When I last saw you, you were plain +Michael Brown of Hammersmith.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). Yes. And you were beautiful Mrs. +Michael Brown of West Kensington.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Oh, Michael, what am I going +to do about you?... May I sit down, Your Highness?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>arranging a chair for her</i>). The wife always +takes the husband’s rank and precedence. Your chair, +Princess.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>sitting down</i>). I thought perhaps ours was +a morganatic marriage.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> There are no morganatic marriages in Neo-Slavonia.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Ah, now tell me. I’ve been longing to +ask you all the evening—only it sounded so absurd. <em>Is</em> +there such a country as Neo-Slavonia?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>shocked</i>). Good heavens, no! You don’t +suggest that I’m a common impostor, do you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I wondered. Aren’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). Certainly not.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I’m glad.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Besides, where would be the fun? I’m an +inventor.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I see.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I invented the small buffer-state of Neo-Slavonia. +I invented all of it. Its name, its people, +its customs, its orders and its literature. I then gave +myself the title of Prince in that country. Who but I +had the right to bestow that title? Whom more worthy +of it than myself could I find?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>nodding</i>). Prince Michael Robulski.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MICHAEL.</span> Rob<em>o</em>lski. In Neo-Slavonia the termination +“-ulski” is now obsolete.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I must try to remember.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> It’s a jolly little country. You must let me +show it to you one day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Thank you. But would it be quite proper +for us to go about together?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Proper?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> The late General James Bulger—C.B.—was +very old-fashioned. I don’t think he would like +his widow⁠——How do they regard these things in your +country?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Ah, now tell me. I have been longing to +ask you all the evening—only it sounded so absurd. +Was there ever a General James Bulger—C.B.?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>shocked</i>). Good heavens, no! You don’t +suggest that I’m a common bigamist, do you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I wondered. Aren’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). Certainly not.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I’m glad.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Besides, where would be the fun? I’m an +inventor.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I see.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I invented a big, red-faced soldier called +Bulger. I invented all of him. I invented his rank and +his orders, and his medals. I then married him. Who +but I had any right to consider myself his wife?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> True. You know, I had an uneasy feeling⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> That I had married <em>again</em>?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Well, you might have thought I was dead.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>sweetly</i>). Even that mightn’t make me +want a <em>second</em> husband.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>acknowledging the hit</i>). I suppose not. Then +why drag in Bulger?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>after a little silence</i>). Michael!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Did you ever wonder what had happened +to me after you left me so suddenly?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Often.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> You remembered that you <em>had</em> got a wife +somewhere?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Of course.... Did you ever wonder what +had happened to <em>me</em>?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>carelessly</i>). Sometimes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You had your own money, so I knew you +wouldn’t starve.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>nodding</i>). And eating is the great thing in +life, isn’t it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>lightly</i>). I’ve thought so once or twice in the +last four years.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). I don’t know how it is, but +if people ask after your husband, and you say, “Oh, he +left me a year or two ago; I don’t know why; we were +rather on edge after the war, and he couldn’t find a job, +and I suppose he suddenly got sick of me,” it never +sounds⁠——I don’t know how it is, but it never⁠——Well, +you know, Michael, I thought I could think of something +more respectable than that. So when I came +down here, where nobody knew me, I announced that +my husband had left me for the only reason which a +loving, dutiful, high-minded husband, such as yourself, +could have for leaving a loving, dutiful, delightful wife—such +as me. He had died.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). And by the terms of the will which +he made on his death-bed, had changed his name to +Bulger.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Well—<em>that</em>⁠——! You see, I +wanted him to be a soldier.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Good Heavens, hadn’t you had enough of +soldiers? Wasn’t I one for four years, if it comes to +that?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Oh, my dear, not one of those rough, +amateur, <em>fighting</em> soldiers! A real peace-time soldier! +All clean, and in a nice red coat, and covered with +medals! A professional soldier!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The sort to whom we give the Order of the +Leopard, Third Class, in Neo-Slavonia?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Exactly! A soldier. A General. A C.B. +It’s very respectable to be a General’s widow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> But you can be a General without being +called James Bulger. In Neo-Slavonia⁠——I beg +your pardon, I keep forgetting. But I’m sure that you +can be a General without being called James Bulger.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Not as I saw him. Not this one. +General James Bulger, C.B. Can’t <em>you</em> see him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). I can hear him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> You don’t know what a comfort the +thought of him has been. In many a difficulty I have +asked myself, “Now, what would the General have +said?”—and then I’ve remembered, “Not in front of +the Vicar.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> A fine soldier. One of the old breed. My +only objection to him is that he had no business to go +handing his name about like that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> But the name has been a great comfort too. +(<i>Shyly</i>) You may have noticed that I have become +a little—a little⁠——Or have I not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>emphatically</i>). Not a day!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I wasn’t referring to days so much.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>emphatically</i>). Not an inch!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>excitedly</i>). Really? Michael! How Neo-Slavonia +has improved you! But to English eyes there +does seem to be a⁠——a tendency⁠——Well, the name +has been a great help. Because when people are told, +“I want you to come and meet my dear friend Mrs. +Bulger,” they come expecting the worst, and when they +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</span>see me, they say—(<i>imitating them</i>)—“Oh, but how—I +didn’t—I had no idea!”—and any little—tendency—becomes +an added charm, as though, in my kindly +way, I were humouring the name.... Do you +understand?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Perfectly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And another advantage of it is that it +makes them all call me Jennifer so quickly. I like that. +I’m a friendly soul.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The men too?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>sweetly</i>). Why not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I am thinking of the General. You remember +how old-fashioned he was. I don’t think <em>he</em> +would have liked it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Why, his last words were, “Jennifer, +Jennifer!”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> One doesn’t want one’s last words broadcast. +What did he die of, by the way?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> One of those Indian frontier skirmishes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> What was a real General doing, getting +mixed up dangerously in one of those?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> It wasn’t in the danger-zone. At least, +not officially. (<i>In a whisper, after a glance to see that they +are alone</i>) A soda-water bottle burst just as he was +opening it. (<i>In her natural voice</i>) I always call it “a +stray bullet.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). You’ve been taking a risk, haven’t +you? Who’s that heavy fellow who’s here to-night⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Captain Holt?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> He must have been in India. He might +make inquiries—I daresay he reads back numbers of the +Army List on Sunday afternoons.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, but it was all settled before he came. +Anyway, I don’t see why he should doubt me. He +hasn’t got a suspicious nature like yours.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> If you had consulted <em>me</em>, I should have +recommended a nice quiet death near Woking.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>shaking her head</i>). No. That wouldn’t have +done. You see, at first—just at first—I didn’t want⁠——You +see, I thought my husband might come back to me. +So I didn’t want to be too definite about his death. I +wanted to leave a loophole of explanation. He had +been left for dead, captured by the advancing enemy, +escaped, lost his memory, perhaps.... So that if he +<em>had</em> turned up one day⁠——(<i>She pauses.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>gaily</i>). Then I shouldn’t have seemed +quite such an impostor.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Inventor.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>agreeing</i>). Inventor.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). And now, after four years, he +<em>has</em> come back?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>surprised</i>). Who?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Your husband.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Good gracious, no! Prince Michael +Rob⁠——No, don’t tell me. That’s the obsolete one—Prince +Michael Robolski of Neo-Slavonia, wishing to +renew his acquaintance and—(<i>smiling sweetly</i>)—shall +I say “further his suit”?—with the charming Miss +Angela Battersby, is paying a short, a <em>very</em> short visit, +to Wych Trentham.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I don’t see why <em>very</em> short.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, you see, my dear Prince, at any +moment I may discover the exact position on the map +of Neo-Slavonia.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Yes, but why this passion for accurate +geography suddenly?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Because I am fond of Angela Battersby. +And I won’t let you make a fool of her.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Ah, now I do see your point. But I think +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</span>that, however short my visit, I should feel it my duty—the +Neo-Slavonians are notoriously a polite race—to +say good-bye to—Captain Holt.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I have taken a sudden liking to the studious +Captain. I can’t let you make a fool of him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Yes, I see your point too.... +I’m afraid, Michael, we’re both impostors.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Not impostors: inventors, creators. I wish +you would see the difference. We have given an idea +to the world. At least I have. To the people I meet, +Neo-Slavonia is now as much a real country as Jugo-Slavia +or Lithuania. Well, that’s <em>my</em> doing.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I see. And when did the great idea come +to you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling reflectively</i>). It was forced on me. +Really it wasn’t my fault.... It was at Monte Carlo.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>interested</i>). Where you were looking for +work?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I’d given up looking for work. I’d had +enough of that in England after the war. I was looking +for money. Much more fun.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I’ve been told that there’s quite a lot in +Monte Carlo. Any luck?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Fairish.... Well, you know what the +South of France is like. Stiff with potty Royalties from +God knows where. (<i>With a sudden laugh</i>) I say, it +is funny to be talking English again; I mean the real +English that the English talk.... Well, I was lunching +with some people I’d never met before, as you do out +there, and rather a stupid girl, trying to make conversation, +and feeling around for my name, asked me what +I did. I said I didn’t do anything; and she said, “I +suppose you’re a Prince.” And I said, “Yes, yes”—just +as you’d say, “Yes, yes,” if anybody asked you in +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</span>the Temple if you were a barrister, and you weren’t +really listening.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> That wasn’t Angela?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Oh no, Miss Battersby was much later, +when I was generally accepted as a Prince. It was +surprising how quickly I was committed to it. (<i>Proudly</i>) +Of course, as soon as I saw how things were going, I +insisted on the Neo-Slavonia. I wasn’t going to be an +ordinary impostor.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And did nobody know that there wasn’t +such a place?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Nobody. You see, I looked at it this way. +At the Peace Conference there was nothing to prevent +the Big Four creating a new buffer-state called Neo-Slavonia. +Was there?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Well, now, if they <em>had</em> created it, it was +certain that one or two of them wouldn’t have known +where it was.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Absolutely.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> So I thought, “If they wouldn’t know, I don’t +see why anybody else should want to.” You see what +I mean?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Perfectly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Of course, I worked up the local colour +gradually. At one time it was a very near thing whether +it had a sea-coast or not; but I felt it was rather +dangerous. What do you think?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>gravely</i>). Oh yes, I think a sea-coast would +have been rather dangerous.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Of course, we have a certain amount of local +water-borne traffic on the—the Danube. I fancy it’s +the Danube.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Oh, Michael, you ought to know that!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I find it easier to remember when I am using +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</span>a slight Neo-Slavonian accent. Plain Michael Brown +was never much good at geography.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Nor so popular, I suppose.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Oh, no. You get a very good time as a +Prince. There’s a lot of hospitality going about.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And a lot of credulity, too.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Yes, fellow-inventor, there is.... +If you say anything dogmatically enough, the other man +is always a little doubtful of himself.... You’d be +surprised how many literary authorities—critics and +such like—have agreed with me in thinking that Tushkin +should have been given the Nobel prize instead of his +more popular fellow-countryman, Gregorovitch. I’ll lay +a thousand to eight that there’s not one person in the +world who could give you a complete list of the Nobel +prize-winners. My own theory is that every other year +they invent the name and stick to the money.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>shaking her head at him</i>). Oh, Michael! +And did none of that hospitality lodge in your throat?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> My dear Jennifer, why should it? If I got +fifteen shillings worth of food and drink, didn’t I give +fifteen shillings worth of entertainment in return for it? +Ask your friends which they prefer: a dinner where +they’ll meet a fifteen-shilling Prince, or a dinner where +they’ll have to listen to a hundred-guinea violinist. +They’d vote for me every time. The professional +Prince.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And that’s how you’ve been living lately?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Well, I’ve had tips, you know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>interested</i>). Ten-franc notes under the +napkin?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Not quite so crude as that. Tips about stocks +and horses.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Oh, I see.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> If you are high enough up, and supposed not +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</span>to want it, you can always get plenty of help in making +money. I’ve done pretty well this last year. In fact, +almost well enough to be able to afford to look for work +again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Then, on the whole, we needn’t have been +too anxious about each other?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> We needn’t. You’ve had your income to +yourself, and lived beautifully in the country; and I’ve +had my freedom, and lived⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Like a Prince⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Like a man, anyway, in the open world. +And the bickerings of Hammersmith are gone for ever.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). And now what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Well, what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Is it Your Highness’s pleasure to come back +to me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Good heavens, no!</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> <i>looks surprised</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Oh!... I just wanted to know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). I can only come back if General +Bulger’s widow invites me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>laughing</i>). My dear Michael! if I invite +you! Oh, my dear Michael! (<i>She is laughing again.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>undisturbed</i>). You laugh as adorably as ever.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Bless the man, now he’s going to make +love to me!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> To a Neo-Slavonian what more delightful +way of spending an evening?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, I’d sooner you did it to me than to +Angela. I won’t have any of that, I warn you, Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>shaking a finger at her</i>). Oh, Mrs. Bulger, Mrs. +Bulger, think of your flirtations at—Simla, was it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> You come to England at the risk of being +exposed as an impostor⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> An inventor.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> ——just so as to get another glimpse of +her. Was that necessary? I say again, I am fond of +Angela.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> And she is fond of Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> In her non-committal way, I think so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>becoming very foreign suddenly</i>). Ah, this angel, +this Angela! She is not so non-committal away from +your English fogs. She expand! She talk!... She +speak to me of her friends. She speak much of her +great friend, Jennifer. Jennifer? I say. Jennifer? +What a beautiful name! Tell me of this lady with the +so beautiful name! She tell me. It is Madame +Boulager. Boulager—one of your great English families. +I am intrigued. I am—how do you say it?—agog. +Tell me of this Madame Boulager, I say. Your Angela +tell me. But it is not until she say one thing that I +know for certain who Madame Boulager is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>clapping her hands eagerly</i>). Go on, what +did she say about me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> She said, “Jennifer goes about as if she is +singing to herself, ‘Isn’t it fun being Jennifer?’” +Then I knew. And I said suddenly, but in our Neo-Slavonian +tongue, so that I didn’t give myself away +(<i>he appears to be clearing his throat and sneezing simultaneously</i>)—which +means, “By Jove! It’s my Jenny!”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>carried away</i>). Oh, Michael! And was it? +I mean—go on.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> That’s all. I came, I saw, I was re-conquered. +(<i>Holding out his hand</i>) How do you do, Mrs. Brown?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>You could see that</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> <i>was a little touched by +this recital, but the prodigal is not going to be +welcomed home so quickly as he thinks. He may +have been a Prince in Monte Carlo, but he is not +going to have his own way so easily in England.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>drawing her hand away</i>). Michael, I don’t +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</span>know what to think about you—but I think you had +better go back to Neo-Slavonia ... or where you will.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Must I?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, obviously you can’t stay here.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Why not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> What as? Prince Michael? My first +husband? My future husband? Ridiculous. It’s +much too difficult.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Never mind the difficulties. I can +manage that all right. That’s where the fun comes in. +If you want me to stay, I stay.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>laughing at his assurance</i>). If I want you +to! Why should I want you to?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>No Prince could stand that laughter from a woman.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>quickly</i>). If I decide to stay, I stay.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>sparkling</i>). Is that a threat?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> A statement.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>dangerously</i>). Take care, Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>equally dangerously</i>). Take care, Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> If you challenge me, I take it up.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Shall I give you the same warning? (<i>With +a sudden smile</i>) Or shall I just say, “What do you want +me to do?”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Whatever you please, except stay here, +where you will do nobody any good.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> And if I disobey?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Then, very reluctantly, I shall explain to +my friends the exact position on the map of Europe of +Neo-Slavonia.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> And the exact position on the map of Asia of +General Bulger’s body?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> If necessary. (<i>She smiles sweetly at him.</i>) +My friends will not be hard on me when they hear that +my husband was a scamp of whose name and identity I +did not wish to be reminded.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>approvingly</i>). Yes, that’s a good card to play. +Well done, Jennifer. (<i>Smiling</i>) But I also—I play +cards.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Play them in Monte Carlo. It’s safer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You are afraid that I have too many hearts in +my hand?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>laughing, but a little nervously</i>). Not mine, +my dear Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). Not the Queen. Well, we shall +see. Your orders are that I go back to London to-morrow—and +then, if I please, to the devil.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>quickly</i>). No, no, Michael, I didn’t say that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> On my way to London to-morrow, is it +permitted that I look in here just to say good-bye to +my hostess?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> You can say good-bye to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> In Neo-Slavonia⁠——(<span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> <i>laughs, and +he waits for her to finish</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I beg your pardon.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>unperturbed</i>). In Neo-Slavonia we have a +custom that, on the morning after hospitality, one pays +a formal visit to one’s hostess in order to render thanks. +Is it permitted?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>reluctantly</i>). Well, if you must. You can +have till twelve to-morrow. After that, if you are still +here⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>boyishly</i>). Say “<em>Noon</em> to-morrow.” It sounds +more thrilling, and it avoids misapprehension.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Noon, then.... But I mean it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). I shall be ready for you. (<i>Carelessly</i>) +I have till noon, then.... If I don’t see you +again alone—good-bye, Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>half tender, half amused, wondering what he is +up to</i>). Good-bye, Michael. (<i>She holds out her hand, but +he is not looking.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Just do something for me, will you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>casually</i>). Tell young Oliver—he’s outside +somewhere—that I want him. He will have to see +about the car—and I shall have other arrangements to +make. Good-bye.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>after waiting a moment for some sign from +him</i>). Good-bye.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Left alone, the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> <i>looks at his watch. Then he +lights a cigarette and walks up and down thinking.</i> +<span class="allsmcap">OLIVER</span> <i>comes in</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER.</span> You wanted me, sir?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> <i>nods, and looks at him for a little without +speaking</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The time has come for us to part, Oliver.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). Aren’t you satisfied with me, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Entirely satisfied. You write my letters, you +drive my car, you order my breakfast, and all the time +you look—how do you say it?—as innocent as a baby. +But it was a temporary engagement, was it not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER.</span> Yes, sir. I quite understood that. But +there is another three weeks to go.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I engage you for the month, I give you the +month’s salary. It is enough. Now I ask you to do +one little thing more for me—and then my orders are +that you go back to your Cornwall, is it, and have three +weeks holiday. Is that understood?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER.</span> Yes, sir. It’s very kind of you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> This is the last thing. I want you to go now, +quietly—can you get your hat and coat without seeing +anybody?—</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER.</span> I expect so, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I will say your adieux for you. Go very +quietly, take the car, drive back to—what is it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER.</span> Medenham.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> To the hotel, yes. Stay the night there +yourself—pay my bill in the morning—how much?—and +then go off to Cornwall.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER</span> (<i>reckoning it on his fingers</i>). Four pound ten, +sir, would see it easily.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>giving him a note</i>). Give the change to anybody +you like. That is all.... You understand?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER.</span> Yes, sir. Are you staying here, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). That we shall see. (<i>Holding out his +hand</i>) Good-bye.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER</span> (<i>shaking it</i>). Good-bye, sir. (<i>Awkwardly</i>) I’m +sorry that you⁠——If ever another time you should +want⁠——I mean, I owe you three weeks⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>hurrying him out</i>). I will remember.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OLIVER.</span> I’m afraid I feel rather a fraud, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with a last push</i>). I, too, Oliver.... Good +luck to you.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">OLIVER</span> <i>goes. And only just in time, for</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> +<i>comes in from the garden</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Miss Battersby, I could kiss your hand for the +delightful evening I have had, were it not that⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>amused</i>). What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> That I would rather shake it in your English +way.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>holding out her hand</i>). Just as you like.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>pressing it</i>). I thank you. She is adorable.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Jennifer? I knew you’d like her.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>romantically</i>). I love her.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>carelessly</i>). I did tell you she was a widow?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The widow of a gallant General in your +army. She tell me herself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> She has a little money of her own.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>promptly</i>). Five hundred a year. She tell +me her⁠——(<i>Hastily</i>) I mean, I guess it.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> About that, I suppose. I can’t do it into—marks, +is it, in your country?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Mademoiselle, I perceive that you +are a match-maker. But it would not be necessary to +do it into marks. Did I marry, I should not go back to +Neo-Slavonia.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> If Jennifer married, she wouldn’t leave +Wych Trentham. She’s much too fond of it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>a little taken aback</i>). Oh!... And all your +other friends, they are not likely to be leaving it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Why should they?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> There will be a match-maker one day for +Mademoiselle, perhaps?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>shaking her head</i>). I’ve got somebody to look +after. Anyway, I’m not the marrying sort.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Mademoiselle, that is a challenge to +Cupid which in the whole history of the world has never +yet been refused. I shall dance at your wedding within +a year.... Do you dance at weddings in this country?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Oh, Lord, at everything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Then I dance. And the next year at Miss +Imogen’s.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Oh, Imogen, yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>thinking</i>). Miss Imogen. So dead when +Madame her mother is there, so alive when she is alone.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>surprised</i>). I didn’t know you’d seen her +alone?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I know the type. It would be amusing to +see if I am right. Is it permitted?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Permitted? It has been waited for all +evening. (<i>Going to the door</i>) I’ll send her.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Mademoiselle is too kind.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>As soon as he is alone he feels in his pocket, and +brings out a bunch of letters, and a note-case. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</span>He selects a letter and some notes, and goes to the +desk, where he puts them into an envelope which +he addresses to himself.</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> <i>comes in, +accompanied as far as the door by her mother</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>giving her the last touches</i>). There!... +Perhaps just a little⁠——Yes. (<i>In a whisper</i>) +“Your Highness” at first, and then “Prince Michael.” +(<i>She vanishes.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>coming in</i>). Hallo!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>getting up hastily</i>). Miss Imogen! How kind +of you!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> I say, do you know, I must tell you, before +you came I said I didn’t believe you were a real Prince +at all. Wasn’t it cheek?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> It was very natural, Mademoiselle.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> I say, you’re not really going to-night, and +never coming back again, are you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> It depends to some extent on yourself, Miss +Imogen.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>giggling</i>). I say! Oughtn’t you to kiss my +hand when you say things like that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>taking her hand</i>). Will you do something for +me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Rather! Anything! (<i>He kisses her hand.</i>) +Oo! Could it be something really wicked, so that I can +tell Mother afterwards that it was the Prince who asked +me to do it? (<i>Giggling</i>) Oh, think of Mother’s face!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Alas, it is not really wicked.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>dashed</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>quickly</i>). But it is a secret. Between you +and me. For evermore!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Oo, that’s all right! What is it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> This is a very great secret. I cannot even +explain to <em>you</em> what it means. Not yet. You must +take me on trust.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>remembering that last novel</i>). To the death, +Prince Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>touched</i>). You dear! (<i>He holds up the letter.</i>) +I want this letter delivered here to-morrow morning. +At five minutes to twelve. It is addressed to myself. +Can you give it to one of your village boys to-morrow to +bring up to the house?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Rather!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> If he is asked where it comes from, he is to +say that a gentleman gave it to him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Righto. I understand.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> At five minutes to twelve exactly.... You +will give him something? (<i>He takes out a handful of +money and selects half-a-crown.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Oo, I say! Half-a-crown! He’d +suspect something at once. Sixpence.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You are a better conspirator than I. Sixpence. +(<i>He gives it and the letter to her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> ’Kyou. (<i>She puts the letter down her dress in +the approved manner. See Chapter XIV.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> In return, I give you the highest reward your +country has to offer. “Imogen, you’re a sportsman.” +(<i>He holds out his hand.</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> <i>takes it, and is completely +carried away</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> My Prince! (<i>All funny suddenly</i>) Oo, I say, +I believe I’m going to cry. (<i>Winking to keep the tears +back</i>) A hanky, quick! (<i>He gives his to her. She blows +her nose loudly, and dabs at her eyes.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Better?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>nodding</i>). ’M. I say, I’ve ruined your hanky. +I’ll have to send it on to you. You’ll tell me where, +won’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> That’s all right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Honestly I didn’t do it just to⁠——(<i>Reluctantly</i>) +Well, I suppose I <em>could</em> have used my own. But +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</span>I really was crying. (<i>Instinctively feeling the Presence in +the neighbourhood</i>) Look out, here’s Mother.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>in a whisper</i>). Five minutes to twelve!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>in a whisper</i>). Right!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>aloud</i>). And you are fond of lawn tennis?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Oh yes, Prince Michael!</p> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> <i>comes in</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>bowing</i>). Madame!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Ah, Prince Michael, how kind of +you to be taking an interest in my little girl. I hope she +has been behaving nicely.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I give her what you call the good-conduct +prize. The testimonial and the lucky sixpence. (<i>He +laughs.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>extremely amused</i>). How delightful! +We shall always remember, shan’t we, Imogen? +(<span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> <i>nods shyly</i>) I do hope, Prince Michael, that what +Mrs. Bulger has been telling me is not true?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). What she has been telling you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> That you are going back to your own +country, almost at once.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>relieved</i>). Ah!... So she tells you that. +Well, it is “Perhaps” and “Perhaps not.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Well, that gives us a little hope, +doesn’t it, Imogen?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> <i>smiles shyly</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> My head (<i>touching it</i>) say “You’d better +go.” My heart (<i>touching it</i>) say “Don’t go!” My +soul (<i>feeling for it vaguely</i>)—where <em>is</em> my soul?—My +soul say “You ought to go.”... They are still +arguing. I wait for the verdict.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> (<i>laughing</i>). How amusing! We must +remember that, mustn’t we, Imogen?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>looking at his watch</i>). And my watch says, +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</span>“You <em>must</em> go.” But he means only “Back to your +hotel.”</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span>, <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> <i>and the</i> <span class="allsmcap">HOLTS</span> <i>are +coming in</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Who <em>must</em> go?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> All of us, dear, I expect.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> It is I, Miss Angela. I have a long way to +go. You are all together here, at home.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Well, have a whisky first.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>looking at his watch</i>). By jove, yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span>). Thank you. Now where is +my good Oliver?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Mr. Oliver was out with all of us.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>looking round the room</i>). That’s funny. +Where is Oliver?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> He and Ainslie have gone off somewhere, +I expect. (<i>He goes to the door.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Dr. Ainslie has gone. (<i>To the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>) He +asked me to make his apologies. A message came for +him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>bringing whisky to the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>). Thank God +I’m not a doctor. Help yourself, Holt.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Thanks. (<i>He goes to the table</i>) Mrs. Faithfull?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> A little lemonade, please.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Thank you. (<i>He takes his whisky from</i> +<span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>slowly and clearly</i>). I sent Mr. Oliver in to +you about ten minutes ago, Prince Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>amazed</i>). To me here? (<i>His glass stops in +mid-air.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Yes. (<i>She looks at him, wondering.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> But what an extraordinary thing!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> He’s probably gone to see about the car.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Ah, yes! No doubt. (<i>He drinks.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> I’ll tell him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Pray don’t trouble. He will be here directly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> It’s all right.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He is gone.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>to the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>). He can call to him from the +end of the lawn, sir. You left the car in the road, sir, +I suppose, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). Yes. It would be safe there?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Oh, Lord, yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> We are a very unsophisticated little +colony here, Prince Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, we don’t steal, anyway.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>raising his glass to her</i>). Only hearts.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>She turns away.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I say, do help yourselves, all of you. Isn’t +there any lemonade?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> What can I get you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> No, thanks. Jennifer?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>her eyes on the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>). No, thank you, +dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span>). What about you, Miss Faithfull?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Just a little lemonade, please.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Right. (<i>He goes for it.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>coming in at the door</i>). I say, the car isn’t +there!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Not there?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> It must be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Well, it isn’t.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">HOLT</span> <i>clicks his heels in front of the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>, <i>and goes +out briskly, with the determination to see this +thing through</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>looking at the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>). What an extraordinary +thing!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He catches her eye, there is a look of understanding +between them, and he turns away.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Your lanes are narrow. He is turning round, +perhaps.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> Yes, that’s it, I expect.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> He wouldn’t have to go as far as that. I +should have heard the engine.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> My good Oliver, I hope nothing has happened +to him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> He has been very quiet all evening. +I suppose—have you had him long?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You think he is—how do you call it?—a +fraud?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Fraud, humbug, impostor—we have +various words for it. (<i>Again they exchange glances.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> But my Oliver! So innocent-looking!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). Bolshevists!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They all turn quickly to her, and she subsides into +her lemonade.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Well, it’s very odd.</p> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="allsmcap">HOLT</span> <i>comes in</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> The car isn’t there, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>a little ironically</i>). Thank you, Holt.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well, that’s that. He has run away, your +Oliver.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Then I walk away. Is it not so?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Nonsense, you can’t walk. We can put you +up.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>sweetly</i>). The Doctor could drive you to +your hotel in his car.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with pretended eagerness</i>). Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> He’s out in it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with pretended disappointment</i>). Oh! (<i>He +winks at</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Father can sleep in the studio. He often +does, don’t you, Father? (<i>She rings.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Yes, dear, yes. (<i>To the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>) I should +say, “Yes, dear, yes,” in any case, of course, but it +does happen to be true in this case. I have a camp +bed there.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You are too kind. But I have never slept in +a studio. I should like the experience.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Father is much more⁠——</p> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="allsmcap">EMILY</span> <i>comes in</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>holding up his hand</i>). Please! It will give +less trouble.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Just as you like. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">EMILY</span>) Make up +the bed in the studio for Prince Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EMILY.</span> Yes, miss.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> We have a spare room, dear. I’m +sure if Prince Michael⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL.</span> So have we. We should be only⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>sweetly</i>). Captain Holt also has a motor-bicycle.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">HOLT</span>). Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> Not running just now, unfortunately.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Oh! (<i>Again he catches</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER’S</span> <i>eye</i>.) Then +I am afraid, dear Miss Battersby, that I must trespass⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Of course. That’s settled.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span>). And thank +you, ladies, for your great kindness. I shall always +remember it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). I must be going.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Oh, must you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>to the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>). I shall not see you again, +Prince Michael⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Oh, look in in the morning and say good-bye.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I’m afraid the Prince will have gone before +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</span>I can manage it. I shall be rather busy up till—noon. +Good-bye, Prince Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>taking her hand and bowing over it</i>). It is +always allowed one to hope. I shall give myself what +comfort I can by saying, “<i lang="fr">Au revoir</i>, Mrs. Bulger.” +(<i>He kisses her hand.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>kissing her hand to them</i>). Good-night, +everybody. (<i>They all say “Good-night.”</i>) (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>) +Good-bye, darling. It’s been so delightful.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Good-bye.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>She and her father withdraw a little from the others, +and discuss the question of pyjamas for the</i> +<span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>with a meaning eye on the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>). I shall be +round about—noon.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> <i>bows in understanding. With a wave +she is gone.</i>)</p> + +<p>(<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">FAITHFULLS</span> <i>and the</i> <span class="allsmcap">HOLTS</span> <i>immediately surround +the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> We shall never let you go now, +Prince.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ROBERT.</span> No, look here, you must stop and play on +Saturday. Do you bowl?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MRS. FAITHFULL.</span> Our little party on Thursday—a few +friends⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ETHEL</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>). I don’t know if you’re fond of +fishing⁠——</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They have their backs to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>, <i>who is looking +through the open window. The</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> <i>raises +his glass to her mockingly, triumphantly. She +shakes her fist at him, as the curtain comes down.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</span></p> + + + <h3 class="nobreak fnormal fs125 word-sp" id="ACT_III"> + ACT III + </h3> +</div> + + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>It is 11.30 next morning.</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>is at the writing-desk, busy +with a few letters</i>. <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> <i>appears noiselessly at the +window. She looks round the room, and then disappears +again.</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> <i>comes in from the dining-room</i>.</p> + + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> We all seem very late this morning. +Has the Prince <em>had</em> breakfast?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I sent it round to the studio. I thought he’d +prefer a Continental one.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Probably the one thing he looked forward +to was a welter of eggs and bacon. You’ve given him +quite a wrong idea of our old English customs.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> He can have eggs and bacon for lunch, if he’s +very keen. Have you seen him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> I borrowed him a razor from Ainslie, and +I also took him some clothes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Clothes⁠——I forgot about that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> I don’t say he’ll be beautiful, but he’ll be +decent.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> You’d better send over for his bag, and find +out about the Oliver man.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> I suggested it, but he asked me to +wait. He’s a little uncertain about his plans. He +said something about a letter.... I suppose the post +<em>has</em> come?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>without much hope</i>). Nothing for me, I +suppose?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> I thought not. The number of people +who sit down every morning and say “I don’t think I’ll +write to Battersby to-day” is positively startling. There +must be well over forty million of ’em in England alone.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> He couldn’t get a letter here anyway.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> The Prince? I should be very much +annoyed if he did. It would be very disconcerting if a +man who stayed here accidentally for one night got a +letter, and I who have stayed here on purpose for years +and years got none.... I suppose the paper hasn’t +come?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> No, not yet. I’ll speak to Lumley. He’s +getting slack again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> There ought to be <em>some</em> method of getting +in touch with the outside world. How would it be to +have <cite>The Times</cite> sent down by post every day, and then +it wouldn’t matter if the Lumley boy were going for a +whistle in this direction or not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> If you like, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Besides, it would give the postman more +respect for me, if he saw my name now and then. I met +him in the garden yesterday as he was bringing up the +letters. There were three for you, two for Emily, four +for cook and a seed-catalogue for James. I passed it off +with a careless laugh, but I could see what he was thinking +(<i>He looks over his shoulder, and sees her writing</i>).... +Give my love to whoever it is, and say that I should +dearly appreciate a post-card⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> It’s Debenham and Freebody.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>unmoved</i>). ——from either of them.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> <i>comes in. He is wearing an old +coat and a pair of white flannel trousers +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</span>of</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY’S</span>. <i>He has shaved off his +moustache.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Good morning to you. What a charming +day!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> Good morning, Prince.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>getting up</i>). Oh, good morning. I do hope +you slept well, and all that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The bed couldn’t have been more comfortable.... +I had forgotten that there were so many +birds in the country.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> We’re used to them, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> But the silly things don’t realise it, and go +on just the same. (<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> <i>turns to him</i>) Hallo! I +say! I hope that that razor⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). It was carried away. It has shaved +the good doctor so often, that before I knew what had +happened⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> We must tell Ainslie. As a scientific +man, he’ll be interested.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I like it. It makes you look more English.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> That was why I did it, Mademoiselle. The +only compliment to your country I could think of so +early in the morning. The birds were whistling and +singing, the sun was shining, and I said to myself, “I +love England! I shall stay here for ever. I shall be +an Englishman.” So I had what you call the clean +shave.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>fingering his beard</i>). It isn’t <em>absolutely</em> +essential.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with a bow</i>). The full beard or nothing, as in +your English navy. (<i>With a gesture at</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY’S</span>) If +only it had been possible—(<i>regretfully</i>)—but there was +no time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>in a whisper</i>). You see, dear, he would +have liked eggs and bacon.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> So now I am an Englishman.... I think of +calling myself Brown.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Prince Brown.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Or shall I give myself the honourable, if not +strictly beautiful, title of Mister?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> What would Neo-Slavonia say to that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Well, that’s the question.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Will the country go to pieces without you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>solemnly</i>). I fear it might.... But don’t let +me interrupt your letters, Mademoiselle. I shall be +quite happy with the paper. (<i>He picks it up.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> It’s a piece of yesterday’s, I’m afraid.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I shall be quite happy with a piece of yesterday’s +paper.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> There’s a small boy called Lumley whose +duty it is to forget to bring the paper every day. He is +amazingly reliable. So I generally go down about this +time and fetch it for myself. If you don’t mind⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Go on, Father. You’ll never be happy till +you’ve seen it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). To some women the fact +that anybody should be interested in activities outside +his own household will always be one of the more impenetrable +mysteries. (<i>He goes out with an air.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Miss Battersby is interested, however.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> In some things.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> In some people.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>smiling</i>). In two people.... (<i>Looking at her +watch</i>) You won’t go till she comes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I will stay until then, if I may. (<i>He also +looks at his watch, and then says, a little anxiously</i>) This +little boy of whom Mr. Battersby talks⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Lumley?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Yes. He is unreliable?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Very, I’m afraid.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You ask him to do something, and he goes +off bird’s-nesting, or fishing?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Rather like that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> However, there are perhaps other little boys +in the village not so unreliable?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I expect they’re all pretty much the same.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Oh!... (<i>We have another momentary glimpse +of</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> <i>at the window</i>).... But I mustn’t interrupt +you. This piece of yesterday’s paper is full of good +things.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>addressing the envelope</i>). I’ve just finished.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> <i>appears at the door</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> May I come in?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>over her shoulder</i>). Hallo! Come in.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Good morning. Good morning, Prince +Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Good morning, doctor. Still here, you see.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> I was sorry to have to hurry off last night, +and so, hearing what had happened, I thought I would +look in and make my apologies and good-byes this +morning.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> How charming of you. (<i>Smiling</i>) And a +Republican, too!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> My manners are without prejudice to my +convictions.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> We’re hoping that perhaps it won’t be good-bye +just yet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Oh, I’m glad. Jennifer gave me to understand +that I should just have time to catch the Prince +before he went.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> How thoughtful of Mrs. Bulger.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>getting up, letters in hand</i>). You won’t fight +if I leave you alone for a moment?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>feeling</i> <span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE’S</span> <i>biceps</i>). No. I promise.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> As long as you don’t whistle the Neo-Slavonian +national anthem, or anything provocative like +that, he’ll be all right.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> I’m afraid I shouldn’t recognise it.... +(<i>Awkwardly</i>) I don’t know the etiquette, but may I lean +against a table or something?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>solemnly</i>). I think I should lean first. (<i>He +does so</i>) There!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> (<i>leaning too</i>). Thank you. (<i>He begins to fill his +pipe</i>) You won’t mind my saying that I wish I hadn’t +met you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> If you won’t mind my asking why.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> I like keeping my prejudices intact. Are you +the only Prince with a sense of humour, or have I been +wrong all these years?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Isn’t it against all medical etiquette for a +doctor to be wrong?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> There you are! You’ve no business to say +things like that. (<i>Preparing to light his pipe</i>) Do we +smoke?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> We smoke. (<i>He picks up one of</i> <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY’S</span> +<i>pipes, and holds it in his hand until</i> <span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE’S</span> <i>pipe is alight. +Then he solemnly puts it down again.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Thank you.... Curious thing about that +young Oliver. Have you heard any more this morning?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> We are sending over to the hotel for news. +We may hear something at any moment. (<i>He looks at +his watch.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> I suppose you knew all about him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Does one ever know all about anybody?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> I was thinking of his medical record.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>tapping his head</i>). He had an accident a few +years ago.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Ah! Concussion?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I imagine so. A stray bullet—on the Indian +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</span>frontier, I understand. Such an accident might cause +complete loss of memory and so forth, I suppose?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> Undoubtedly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Thank you. (<i>Pretending to hand him money</i>) +Your fee.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Will you appoint me court doctor?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Gladly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> I shall look forward to it. Meanwhile +there’s a good deal to do in the village. Do we move?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> We move. (<i>They move towards the door.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> I’m glad that we’re not losing you just yet. +(<i>Looking into the garden</i>) You weren’t playing hide-and-seek +in the garden just before I came?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> No, Mr. Battersby had one or two things +to do.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">AINSLIE.</span> I thought I saw⁠——But I daresay it was +nothing. <i lang="fr">Au revoir</i>, then.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> <i lang="fr">Au revoir.</i></p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He settles down to his paper....</i> <span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> <i>appears +again, and seeing that he is alone, whistles +cautiously. He takes no notice. She whistles +again—and again.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>in a loud whisper</i>). I say!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>looking round</i>). Hallo!... Miss Imogen! +(<i>He gets up.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Are you alone?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Utterly. (<i>He comes to her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> I say, you’ve shaved off your moustache!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>feeling his face</i>). So I have.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> May I come in?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> May I conduct you in? (<i>He gives her his +hand and leads her in.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>giggling</i>). I say, what fun!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Isn’t it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> You and me.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Us.... Was that you whistling?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> It wasn’t you whistling outside the studio +this morning from about four o’clock till nine?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Not as long as that. I did whistle a bit.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Yes.... Now tell me. You did what I +asked you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Rather! That’s why I wanted to see you. +Just to tell you I had.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Good!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> The boy is going to bring it up in about five +minutes. That’s right, isn’t it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Perfect.... It isn’t a boy called Lumley, I +suppose?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Yes, it is. Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Oh, nothing.... You’re sure you can +trust him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> I’m sure I <em>can’t</em> trust him. And I told him +so. And I’m going to watch him do it, and he doesn’t +get the sixpence until I’ve seen him do it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>admiringly</i>). What an ally to have! (<i>He +holds out his hand</i>) Shake!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>shaking it</i>). Oh, I say! (<i>Shyly</i>) I say?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). You aren’t going to cry again? +(<i>She shakes her head.</i>) Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> That sixpence you gave me to give him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). It was a good one?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Oo, rather! But would you mind if I gave +him another one of my own instead? (<i>Shyly</i>) Because +... because....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). I wish you would, Imogen. And the +other will be your lucky sixpence?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>nodding</i>). ’M. And you’re not going now, +are you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I think now I shall be able to stay.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Is that why you shaved? So your enemies +shouldn’t know you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Something like that. It’s a symbol.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Of what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Victory, I hope....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). What’s that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> What was it?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They listen.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> I must fly. At any moment we might be +discovered alone together.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> True. And there is also Lumley’s boy to +be watched.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">IMOGEN.</span> Oo, I say, I’d forgotten him. Good-bye, +Prince Michael! (<i>He holds out his hand. Romantically +she goes on one knee and kisses it. Then she goes off—crying +again.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The darling! (<i>He returns to his paper.... +And soon</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> <i>is at the door</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>without looking round</i>). <em>I</em> make it five minutes +to twelve.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> So you <em>are</em> still here?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>getting up</i>). You gave me till noon.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> How did you know it was me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> What a silly question to ask! Of course I +knew it was you! (<i>He turns to her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Michael!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Nothing. Why did you—(<i>with a wave of +the hand</i>)—do that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Do what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Shave your moustache.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I didn’t. That wasn’t <em>my</em> moustache. It +was Prince Michael Robolski’s.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). You mean you’ve told Angela? +She knows?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> That I’m an—inventor?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> That you—yes. That we’re both inventors.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>. My dear Jennifer, how could I? Think +how awkward it would be for all of you! The things +you all said to me last night! I couldn’t be so cruel.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Then go away now—and nobody need ever +know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>like a small boy</i>). But I don’t <em>want</em> to go! I +like Wych Trentham. I like Mr. Battersby. I like +Miss Angela. I like the Doctor. I like Miss Faithfull.... +I like Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> One or the other, Michael.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> The Doctor has just been up to say good-bye +to me. The poor man was in tears. I daresay you +met Miss Faithfull. She has just been up to say good-bye +to me. The poor girl was in hysterics. Mr. +Battersby, struggling with his emotions, lent me these +trousers. He has now gone to buy me a paper. They +all love me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Everybody loves a Prince.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Except Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> They won’t love plain Michael Brown.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> And yet he is a very lovable man really.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, do you go or stay?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). I’ll toss you for it. Heads I stay, +tails I remain. (<i>He tosses</i>) It’s tails. I remain. I +remain, yours very sincerely, Michael Robolski.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Then I tell Angela.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> <i>comes in, a letter in her hand</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Hallo, darling!... Where’s the doctor?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Gone. We embraced, and I gave him the +Order of the Leopard, Fifth Class.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I’ve got a hundred things to do, so I’ll leave +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</span>you to amuse each other. (<i>To the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>) You’re +staying to lunch, aren’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with a look at</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>). Please.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Good. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>) You’d better, too, +darling.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Angela, dear, wait a moment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>looking at his watch</i>). I make it <em>two</em> minutes +to twelve. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>) I beg your pardon, I thought +you asked me the time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> What is it? I really <em>am</em> busy. (<i>To the</i> +<span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>) Oh, this letter has just come for you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>relieved</i>). Ah! Thank you. Is it permitted?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Of course. (<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> <i>opens his letter.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Wait a moment, dear. There’s something +I’ve got to tell you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Exciting?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> It is rather.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>who is reading his letter</i>). Pardon! You +would wish me to withdraw?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I would wish you to stay.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>bowing</i>). May I just⁠——(<i>he indicates the +letter, and finishes it</i>) Good! (<i>He takes a deep breath</i>) At +last! (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>) Now I am at your service, Madame.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Angela, Prince Michael⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Just a moment, if I may interrupt you. You +called me Prince Michael. I cannot leave you under +that misapprehension any longer. Miss Battersby! +My lips at last are unsealed. (<i>In his English voice</i>) I am +<em>not</em> Prince Michael!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>casually</i>). Why not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). I am trying to explain. (<i>Tapping +his letter</i>) At last I am at liberty to speak. I owe +you the most sincere apology. You thought you were +entertaining Prince Michael Robolski of Neo-Slavonia +last night. In a sense you were. But it was not I.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> What do you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I was only the humble secretary. He who +called himself James Oliver was the real Prince.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You are surprised?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>recovering</i>). Just for the moment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> So you’re an Englishman after all?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Certainly. Three months ago the Prince +engaged me as his secretary. I asked him what were +my duties. He said, “To grow a moustache and listen.” +For a month I grew a moustache and listened, while he +talked to me about Neo-Slavonia. In the end I felt that +I knew the country even better than he did. Then he +said, “Now if we go to a place where we are both unknown, +can you pretend to be Prince Michael, while I +pretend to be his secretary?”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>not knowing</i>). Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Yes, why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Why? That was what I said. Why? He +gave reasons, political reasons, which would sound stupid +to you if I repeated them now, but to one who understood +Neo-Slavonian politics as I did, were very, very—er, +very.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Where was this?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Where was it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Yes, where was it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Where was it?... In a little seaport town +called Bratsk. The—Cromer of Neo-Slavonia.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> But I thought Neo-Slavonia had no coast-line.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Yes!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). One small pier and a group of +bathing-machines do not constitute a coast-line.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I beg your pardon.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Silly of us.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> We went to Monte Carlo—I as the Prince, +he as my secretary. Every now and then he would +disappear. It was not my business to follow him. I am +engaged to grow a moustache, not to search for footprints. +One day he takes me to England. “Very +soon now,” he says, “we shall be able to reveal the +truth.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>smiling</i>). And so, very soon now, you are +going to?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). I am doing it at this moment. +He gives me permission in this letter. (<i>He taps the +letter</i>) He also gives me my wages—(<i>he holds up the notes</i>)—instead +of a month’s notice. I am my own master +again.... And out of a job.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> And that’s that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with a sigh of mental exhaustion</i>). That, roughly +speaking, is that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well, I’m glad one of you was the Prince. <ins class="corr" title="Transcriber’s Note—Original text: 'I I don’t know'" id="tn-74">I +don’t know</ins> what Mrs. Faithfull would say if there had +never been a Prince at all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> There wasn’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Ha!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> How do you mean, darling?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> There is no such country as Neo-Slavonia.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Ha again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>calmly</i>). Darling, how <em>can</em> you know that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Have you ever seen it on the map?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Have you ever seen Czecho-Slovakia on the +map?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>aside</i>). Or Maida Vale.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Or Maida Vale?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Well!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, I wasn’t certain either. So this +morning I telegraphed to a friend in the Foreign Office.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> But would <em>he</em> know?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> How could <em>he</em> know?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>displaying telegram</i>). Here is his answer. +(<i>She gives it to Angela</i>) I said, “Where is Neo-Slavonia?” +He replies⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>reading</i>). “Never heard of it.” Well, of +course, it mightn’t be in his department. (<i>Handing +back the telegram</i>) I don’t think that that’s conclusive.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I don’t think that’s at all conclusive.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> My dear, I <em>know</em> that there isn’t such a +country.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> I don’t see how you <em>can</em> know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I don’t see how any one can <em>know</em>.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> You might suspect. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span>) What do +<em>you</em> think?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>automatically</i>). What do <em>you</em> think? I mean, +What do <em>I</em> think?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>after thought</i>). I believe Mrs. Bulger is right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> But how⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I believe that he had made it all up.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> But I thought you said you had actually been +in Neo-Slavonia with him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Bratsk—the local Cromer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). You go to a town—how do you +know who the town belongs to? If he says it is a Neo-Slavonian +town, why should I doubt him? I am +engaged as a secretary, not as a Fellow of the Royal +Geographical Society. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>). Yes, the more I +think about it, the more I feel that he made it all up. +(<i>Triumphantly</i>) And that’s why he disappeared so +suddenly last night—without even saying good-bye. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</span>He saw that Mrs. Bulger was suspicious. (<i>Sadly</i>) Yes, I +feel sure now that the Prince was an impostor. Don’t +you agree with me, Mrs. Bulger?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Entirely.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>). You see, Mrs. Bulger agrees with +me entirely. I wonder what his game was. It may +have been just pure love of adventure. I shouldn’t care +to think too hardly of him.... Miss Battersby, how +can I apologise for having brought this on you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Mr. Oliver, it has been a privilege to listen +to you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Oliver? (<i>To the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> <i>with a friendly +smile</i>) Of course! Oliver.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>puzzled</i>). Oliver?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Your name. You changed names with the +Prince.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>recovering gallantly</i>). Not names. Identities.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Why not names?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Why not names?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>wondering</i>). Well⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> You took his—why didn’t he take yours?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Why didn’t he take yours?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> This is really rather embarrassing.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>catching his eye</i>). Yes, I can see how embarrassing +it is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). Can you? Well, if you can’t +now, you will directly. Miss Battersby, the Prince +refused to take my name. He said, “No, I cannot take +that horrible name.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>impressively</i>). Because my name is—Bulger!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>staggered</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You are surprised again?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Just for another moment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE BULGER</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>). I have sometimes +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</span>wondered if we are relations? (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span>). You +remember how interested I was when you first told me +your friend’s name? I wondered then.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Jennifer’s husband was a General in the +Indian Army.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Really? How odd! Not James?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>weakly</i>). James.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> How very curious!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> Did you know him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I <em>am</em> James Bulger of the Indian Army.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> No, no!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>quickly</i>). Or am I not? You see, Miss +Battersby, I was knocked out rather badly in a small +frontier skirmish—by a stray bullet—left for dead, +captured by the advancing enemy. When I came to +myself, my memory had gone. I remembered nothing. +Not even my own identity. A flask in my possession +with the name James Bulger on it and the simple +inscription “Presented by a few old friends of the +Hammersmith Temperance Association” was my only +clue. But was it my own flask, or had James Bulger +lent it to me? I shall never be certain. For at times +I have had a curious feeling that my real name is—(<i>he +looks at</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>)—Brown.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA.</span> It sounds very likely. A lot of people are +called Brown.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Is that so? (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span>) In that case you +must permit me to return your husband’s flask to you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>weakly</i>). Thank you. You haven’t it on +you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> And if you will be so very kind as to talk to +me a little about him, it may be that you will strike +some responsive chord in my memory, and set it vibrating.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>getting up</i>). That’s a good idea. And when +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</span>you’re quite certain who you’re going to be, you must +let me know. Anyway, you’ll stay to lunch? I think +you’ve earned it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> It is charming of you to have me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>graciously</i>). Not at all. The excitement is +ours.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, Michael? (<i>She sits down.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>triumphantly</i>). Well, Jennifer? (<i>He sits next +to her. She turns away, and he turns away. They talk, +back to back.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>reluctantly</i>). You’re very clever.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Aren’t I?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Naturally you’ve had a good deal of +practice.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Naturally.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I suppose you feel you’ve gained something +by it all?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Lunch—anyway. If I had let myself be +exposed by you, I shouldn’t have had lunch.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Oh, if you’re as hungry as that⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I am afraid you haven’t realised the extraordinary +delicacy with which I have handled the matter?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I hadn’t, no.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You see, I wasn’t sure what you wanted. +Did you want to go on being the wife of General Bulger? +If so, here I am, your long-lost husband, Bulger, +miraculously restored to you. Did you want to confess +the truth, that you are really Mrs. Michael Brown? +Here am I, the only original Michael Brown. Or do +you want to marry again, and try another name? Here +am I, still at your service, prepared to remember that +my name is—whatever you most fancy. (<i>Proudly</i>) +Very few people could have been as tactful as that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> But how considerate of you!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>modestly</i>). I am that sort of man.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> You seem to have provided for everything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I tried to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And yet there was one possibility you +overlooked.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Good Heavens, what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> In your extraordinary delicacy you didn’t +allow for the fact that I might want to be left alone.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>looking at his watch</i>). For how long?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>a little crossly</i>). What do you mean, for +how long? When a woman says that she wants to be +left alone, you don’t ask her for how long.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Why not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I don’t know why not. One doesn’t. +It’s a ridiculous question. Naturally, I mean that I +want to be left alone for ever.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I see. You mean till you’re about ninety.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> No, I don’t. I wasn’t thinking about +being ninety.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Good! Then what about eighty-nine? +Suppose I drop in on your eighty-ninth birthday⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I shall not be at home.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Not if I came in the afternoon—with a few +flowers?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>coldly</i>). I want to be left alone.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> By me—or by everybody?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> By you. By everybody in the way you’re +talking about. I don’t propose to marry again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>gently</i>). It was I who was proposing.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Then I am not open to offers of marriage.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Well, if you won’t marry again, will you live +with either of your two previous husbands?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You refuse?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Absolutely.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You’re very difficult to please.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> No, I’m not. I’m very easy to please. I +only want you to go away.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). After all the trouble I’ve +taken?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Go away.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> It is a little hard on a man ... who has +been travelling for years ... in an unknown country +... to come back to his wife, and to find that—like +Penelope ... no, not like Penelope ... well, it’s a +little hard.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I should keep Penelope out of it, if I were +you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I was trying to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> When Ulysses left her, he did at least give +her some idea when he was coming back.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> But what a wrong idea! “Back at Christmas,” +he said cheerfully, and it was twenty years before +he saw her again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> She knew what he was doing, anyhow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Rescuing Helen, the most beautiful creature in +the world. That would be a great comfort to any woman.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I don’t want to argue about it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I went away in a much better cause than +Ulysses. If you had read the right sort of stories when +you were young you would have realised that, metaphorically +speaking, you and I were in a sledge, pursued +by a pack of wolves over the snowy steppes of Siberia. +Ivan Ivanovitch, our faithful Cossack driver, flogs the +fast-wearying horses; from time to time I empty my +revolver into the advancing hordes and force them to +stop and eat each other; all to no purpose. And then, +when I make the supreme sacrifice by hurling myself +into the midst of the ravening pack, what happens? +I am blamed because I left the sledge suddenly, and +forgot to say, “Back on the 25th.”</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I don’t think that that is a perfect +parallel.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> According to Einstein there are no perfect +parallels. But I’m doing my best. (<i>He gets up</i>) I’m +doing my best. (<i>She looks away</i>) Jenny! (<i>She has her +hand to her ear, arranging the hair above it. He seizes her +wrist—and then suddenly talks down her ear, as if it were a +telephone, using her hand as the receiver</i>) Hallo, is that the +exchange? I want Jenny. One in a million ... +Jenny, one in one double 0, double 0, double 0.... +Yes.... Hallo, Jenny, is that you?... Guess!... +No.... No.... I say, what swell people you +know!... Shall I tell you?... Michael.... Don’t +you remember Michael? The ugly fellow who was +always grousing because he couldn’t get a job.... Yes. +Casual sort of fellow.... It’s him ... he.... Oh, +much the same.... I suppose you wouldn’t let him +come down to your village, and just <em>look</em> at you occasionally.... +Oh, I don’t know. He could sit behind +you at church or something.... Oh, don’t you? Then +it’s quite time you did.... You <em>wouldn’t</em> care about it?... +Oh!... Oh, I just wondered. I expect you’re +right. (<i>He hangs up the receiver and walks away, whistling +carelessly, to the writing-desk, where he sits down and begins +to write.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>after watching him for a little</i>). What are +you doing?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Making my will, and leaving everything to +you, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Oh, are you shooting yourself?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Obviously.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I thought you made a will when we first got +married.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>annoyed</i>). Can’t I do it again if I want to?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Of course. But I thought I got the money +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</span>anyhow? Even if you died—what’s the word? Rather +a horrid one⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> “Suddenly.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Intestate. (<i>To herself as if commenting on +a man who has died of this unfortunate complaint</i>) So painful, +poor fellow!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>fiercely</i>). Good heavens, if a man can’t make +a remorseful will just before shooting himself, life +becomes utterly impossible.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I beg your pardon.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I’m sorry. Naturally I am a little on edge.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>after a pause—to herself</i>). <em>Four</em> “s’s” in +“possessed.” Some people only put three.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> In my last moments I propose to allow myself +perfect liberty in the matter.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). Which would be the best +solicitor to go to? My own or yours?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I leave that to you. (<i>Looking upwards</i>) I +shall never meet either of them again.... (<i>Looking +downwards</i>) At least, I hope not.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). Michael!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> H’sh, h’sh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Michael!</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>He doesn’t answer. She trills like a telephone bell.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Damn that telephone. (<i>She rings again</i>) Oh, +Lord! (<i>He gets up and goes to her, putting his left hand +to her mouth, and her right hand to his ear.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Hallo!... Hallo!... Oh, is that Prince +Michael of Neo-Slavonia?... Yes! However did +you guess?... Really?... A little bit older and +fatter.... What?... Oh, how sweet of you!... +You can tell from the voice? Michael, how clever of +you!... Well, you’ll see for yourself.... Yes, that’s +what I wanted to say.... Just before you shoot yourself.... +Oh, well, you must ask me.... I don’t know. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</span>I haven’t decided.... All right, I’ll wait for you. +Good-bye.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>She kisses his hand. He kisses hers.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Well, Jenny?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Well, Mike?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> I’ve come back.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> So it seems.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> What about it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I don’t know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Shall we try?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>nodding</i>). If you like.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Thank you, Jenny.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> It’s an experiment, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Isn’t that the most fun?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> You’re an adventurer at heart, you know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> You too, Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>smiling</i>). I suppose I am.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Adventurers, both.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I suppose any morning I may wake up and +find that you’ve gone off to be the Prince of some imaginary +country.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> And any afternoon I may wake up to find +that you’ve run off with some imaginary General.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Yes, we’ve got to remember that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Yes....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Michael?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Jennifer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> I think we’ll keep an atlas in the house.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). And an Army List.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And some day, perhaps, I shall come upon +you looking wistfully at that atlas, wondering where +Neo-Slavonia is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> And some day, perhaps, I shall find you +fluttering the pages of that Army List, and wondering +which General most wants a widow.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And when that happens to either of us, +then one will know that the other one⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Wants a little holiday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> So they’ll say to each other quite casually, +“Oh, are <em>you</em> off?”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> And off they’ll go.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And then when they’ve been away long +enough⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> Not four years this time⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> Only a little while⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> They’ll try to find each other again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> And they will have so much to tell each +other⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> That they will never be bored.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> It might work that way.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> It might.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>holding out her hands</i>). Worth trying, +Michael?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>taking them</i>). Worth trying, Jennifer.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>As they stand there</i>, <span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> <i>bursts in with the +paper, obviously excited.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY.</span> I say! I say! I say! Just as well I +went to get the paper.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>vaguely, dropping</i> <span class="smcap">Jennifer’s</span> <i>hands</i>). The +paper?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BATTERSBY</span> (<i>showing the place</i>). Look here, +Prince! There! (<i>They take the paper and look at it +together</i>) I say, Angela! (<i>He hurries off to her.</i>) I say! +Angela!...</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>reading</i>). Sudden Revolution in⁠——Neo-Slavonia! +(<i>He stares blankly at her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER.</span> But you said there wasn’t!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE.</span> There isn’t! I invented it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>pointing to paper.</i>) But there must be!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). There must be. (<i>Sadly</i>) Jennifer, +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</span>Jennifer, I thought I was a creator, and I’m just an +ordinary impostor after all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JENNIFER</span> (<i>very soothingly</i>). Never mind, darling. +Better luck next time!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Angela is at the door, a cigarette in her mouth, a +cocktail in her hand.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ANGELA</span> (<i>regarding them with an indulgent smile</i>). Come +along, children!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Hand in hand, they walk past her, the children, and +go out.... She follows them.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_86"></a><a id="Page_87"></a>[Pg 87]</span></p> + +<h2 class="nobreak fnormal word-sp p2t" id="ariadne"> +ARIADNE, OR BUSINESS FIRST +</h2> +<p class="noindent center p2ba"> A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS +</p> +</div> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</span></p> +<div class="chapter"> +<p class="center noindent fs115"> +CHARACTERS +</p> +</div> + +<div class="poetry-container"> +<p class="noindent"> + <span class="smcap">Ariadne Winter.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">John Winter</span> (<i>her husband</i>).<br> + <span class="smcap">Mary</span> (<i>maid</i>).<br> + <span class="smcap">Hector Chadwick.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Hester Chadwick</span> (<i>his wife</i>).<br> + <span class="smcap">Janet Ingleby.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Horace Meldrum.</span> +</p> +</div> + +<hr class="short"> +<blockquote> +<p><span class="smcap">Scene</span>: <i>Drawing-room of John Winter’s house in the +provincial town of Melchester.</i></p> +</blockquote> + +<div class="poetry-container"> +<p class="noindent"> + <span class="smcap">Act I.</span> Friday.<br> + <span class="p2l"><i>Scene</i> 1: Before dinner.</span><br> + <span class="p2l"><i>Scene</i> 2: Three hours later.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Act II.</span> Saturday. Late afternoon.<br> + <span class="smcap">Act III.</span> Monday. Between tea and dinner. +</p> +</div> + +<hr class="short"> + +<blockquote> +<p class="noindent">The first performance of this play in London took place +at the Theatre Royal, Haymarket, on April 22, 1925, +with the following cast:</p> +</blockquote> + +<table class="autotable"> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>John Winter</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Ion Swinley.</span><br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Ariadne</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Fay Compton.</span><br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Hector Chadwick</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">John Deverell.</span><br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Hester Chadwick</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Louise Hampton.</span><br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Janet Ingleby</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Joyce Kennedy.</span><br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Horace Meldrum</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Allan Aynesworth.</span><br></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Mary</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Barbara Everest.</span></td> +</tr> +</table> + + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</span></p> + + + <h3 class="nobreak fnormal fs125 word-sp" id="ACT_I_1"> + ACT I</h3> + <h4 class="smcap fnormal fs115" id="act1_scene1_ariadne">Scene 1 + </h4> +</div> + + +<p class="hanging"><i>The drawing-room of the Winters’ house in Melchester. +Like so many other rooms in England, it is a mixture of +styles—the John style and the Ariadne style. The fireplace +and mantelpiece, with its presentation clock and +twin vases, is pure</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>. <i>Probably he insisted on +the clock; and</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>, <i>realising that the mantelpiece +was now hopeless, encouraged him to put some of the +other presents there. The pictures are</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>, <i>including +the hand-painted water-colour of an unexpected part of +Switzerland, given by a grateful lady-client, for whom +he has appeared in the county court. There are one or +two early</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>pieces among the furniture and easily +recognisable by their ugliness; not that his taste is bad, +but simply that a drawing-room requires so much +furniture, and if an aunt or a sister or a foreclosed +mortgage has provided a proportion of it, it is folly to +waste good money in buying the same things over again. +For to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>all money is good money; to be sought, to +be won, and not to be thrown away</i>. <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>doesn’t +like throwing it away, but she likes exchanging it for +beautiful things, and here and there she has managed to +do this. She also likes comfort, and there is a chair for</i> +<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>and a sofa for herself which, to some of the +Melchester ladies, seem almost indecently easy for a +drawing-room.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</span></p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>On a small table there is a big bowl of roses, with a note +tucked in the middle of them. We shall hear more about +these.</i></p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>The room is in darkness, for it is after seven on an autumn +evening.</i></p> + +<p class="hanging"><span class="smcap">Ariadne</span> <i>comes in and turns on the light. She is a happy +young woman with a sense of humour which finds itself +well exercised in Melchester. Just at the moment she +is in the middle of a quarrel with her husband, and she +carries on her face the lingering afterglow of their last +heated remarks to each other. Probably the afterglow +is more pronounced on</i> <span class="smcap">John’s</span> <i>face; we shall see directly</i>. +<span class="smcap">Ariadne</span> <i>would be coolly ironical, for the most part. She +walks round the room, takes the note from the roses, +shrugs her shoulders at the writing, and puts it back +again; then picks up the evening paper from a table, +and sinks into the sofa.</i></p> + +<p class="hanging p1b"><span class="smcap">John</span> <i>follows. Undoubtedly he is ruffled, but he is not going +to show it. As one of the leading solicitors of Melchester +it is his business to control his feelings. But +though his keen, intelligent, clean-shaven face may be a +mask to his clients</i>, <span class="smcap">Ariadne</span> <i>can read every word of it. +She gives him a look, and smiles to herself.</i></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>looking at his watch</i>). Plenty of time. I thought +I was going to be late. (<i>He compares his watch with the +clock on the mantelpiece</i>) H’m. Fast again. (<i>He puts the +hand of the clock five minutes back</i>) I shall have to have it +seen to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>not looking up from her paper</i>). Oh, don’t do +that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> They wouldn’t keep it long.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>with an ironical look at the clock</i>). I wasn’t +thinking of that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Well, what?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> It must be so nice always putting things +right—and knowing you’re right yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>with restraint</i>). I put my watch right by the +Town Hall. That’s how I know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> The Town Hall puts all the watches right. +How satisfactory for it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>ignoring this</i>). Anything in the paper?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And the watches put all the presentation +clocks right. And the kitchen clock takes its time from +this one, so however wrong you are, there’s always some +one you can tell.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I am afraid this is too subtle for me. Anything +in the paper?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>offering it to him</i>). Want it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>taking it</i>). Sure you’re finished with it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Actually, no; but speaking as a wife, “Yes, +John.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>opening it</i>). I don’t suppose there is much in it +anyway.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Not enough for two, apparently. We +might take in another copy of it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> My dear Ariadne, what a ridiculous suggestion!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Two copies of the same paper!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Twenty-six shillings a year, that’s all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Why throw away good money?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But money, even if it’s good money, is +meant to be thrown away.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Not on wanton extravagance like that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Surely if you get pleasure and profit from +it, that’s enough. If I pick up the paper first, you resent +it, don’t you? And if I have to wait for it until you +have read every last word of the advertisements, well, +however used I am to waiting, it leaves a little mark +each time. So we should both be happier if we had two +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</span>copies, shouldn’t we? And you can’t often buy a little +extra happiness every day for twenty-six shillings a year.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> What’s the matter with you to-night?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Working the remains of our quarrel off +before our guests come.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). You’re going to be civil to Horace +Meldrum?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Of course!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Why you ever started a quarrel about him I +can’t conceive.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I oughtn’t to have said quarrel. There was +no quarrel. I merely said that I wouldn’t have Mr. +Meldrum in my house again, and you said that in that +case you would ask him to dinner to-night. Hardly a +quarrel.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I explained quite clearly why we had to be +polite to him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You explained that he was one of your most +important clients.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> <em>The</em> most important.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes. Oh, you put it very clearly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I am not the only solicitor in Melchester, you +know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And Mr. Meldrum isn’t the only bounder.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I admit he’s—well—what shall I say?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Shall <em>I</em> say it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> But I’m getting a good deal of his work, and if +we can keep the right side of him there’s no saying what +it will lead to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> That’s what I feel.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> If he took offence suddenly about anything, +he’d think nothing of going straight off to another +solicitor⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And making love straight off to another +solicitor’s wife.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Oh, come! You aren’t a newly married girl. +You know how to keep that sort of man in order.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> As a rule, yes. But in one of those awkward +cases when you have to choose between preserving the +honour and dignity of your husband and preserving the +prosperity of his business⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Nonsense! That’s going much too far.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Almost the very words I said to Mr. +Meldrum last time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I don’t like having him here any more than +you do, but I can’t deliberately throw good money +away.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>. There’s another way of putting that, you +know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I don’t like throwing good money away, but +I can’t deliberately let my wife be insulted.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>burying himself in his paper</i>). Insulted! Rubbish!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Ariadne stretches out a hand and takes the note from +the bowl of roses.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>holding the note out to him</i>). Here.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Your client’s last letter to me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>taking it</i>). You haven’t opened it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I don’t need to. I can guess what’s +inside it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> But it might be important.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I thought <em>you</em> would like to open it. You +are my husband.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>doubtfully</i>). When did it come?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> This afternoon, with those flowers. (<i>She +indicates the roses.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>going round to inspect them</i>). Did Meldrum send +you these? How awfully decent of him. You can’t +get roses like that for nothing.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You can’t.... Aren’t you going to open +the letter?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Why do you want me to?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I know how he writes. I thought <em>you</em> +would like to know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>uncertainly</i>). It’s just—a few polite nothings.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I daresay. Won’t you read it? I have no +secrets from you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>hesitatingly</i>). Well, it’s—it’s your letter.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Are you afraid to?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> How do you mean afraid? It’s your letter, +why don’t <em>you</em> open it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I know so well the sort of thing; you don’t. +Are you afraid to know?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Of course not. (<i>But he turns it over nervously.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>offering it to her</i>). It isn’t my letter. Why +don’t <em>you</em> open it? You refuse to? Very well. It’s +your letter, you refuse to open it. I have no right to. +(<i>He tears the letter into four pieces and throws it into the +waste-paper basket.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>(shaking her head at him</i>). Oh, John!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>blustering</i>). Why do you make such a melodramatic +fuss about a mere note like that? Perfectly +harmless note accompanying a few flowers. Very +decent of him, considering. Look at Hester. She’s +known him as long as I have. She doesn’t make a fuss. +He and Hector do a lot of business together. Do you +think Hester makes a fuss when he goes to their +house? Do you think she shrieks out that she is being +insulted?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Don’t tempt me, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I suppose now you are going to run down my +sister. I suppose no one in Melchester is good enough +for you. That’s how it is.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> <em>You</em> were once, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> The long and the short of it is that you don’t +like Meldrum. If it’s any satisfaction to you, neither +do I. But for the sake of the business, on which you +depend as much as I do, I ask you to be friendly to him. +Well, polite, anyhow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I will be more than polite. I will be friendly. +That I promise.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>coming up to her</i>). You’ve got a way with you, +you know. You can’t pretend you haven’t. I’ve seen +you with all sorts of people, people you must have hated, +smiling at ’em as sweetly as if you’d loved them all your +life.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>smiling to herself</i>). I will smile like that at +Mr. Meldrum. Watch me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Only the other day Hester was admitting that +there was something about you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> How nice of her! I love to think of you +and Hester having long talks about me, and your sister +admitting things like that. (<i>She takes a rose from the +bowl, and holds it up</i>) Aren’t they pretty?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>very friendly</i>). He throws his money about, +doesn’t he? But then he can afford to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>putting the rose in her dress</i>). I like people who +<em>throw</em> it about.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> He’s quite a good sort when you get to know +him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I must get to know him, I can see.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>And there the discussion ends for the moment.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>looking at his watch</i>). Hester’s late. She isn’t +usually late. I suppose Hector has been kept by some +business. I don’t know why one expects them always +to be first⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I suppose because they always are.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Meldrum is sure to be late, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Detained—by business.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Well, he <em>is</em> pretty busy just now with all these +new cheap cottages he’s putting up.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>suitably impressed</i>). Ah! (<i>John returns to his +paper.</i>) (<i>After a pause</i>) Oh, by the way, I am going up +to London to-morrow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> To-morrow? Saturday?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>a little annoyed</i>). Can’t you wait till Wednesday?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I don’t like excursion trains. I suppose I’m +fussy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Oh well.... What is it? Shopping?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> One or two things. I shall lunch at the +club.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> The club! Now there’s a needless extravagance. +How many times do you go to your club in a +year?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>lightly</i>). I don’t know, John, and I don’t care, +John, and I’m going to lunch there to-morrow, John. +Now don’t say another word while I get my smile ready +for Hector.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>suspiciously</i>). Smile?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Smile of welcome.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>A hearty voice is heard outside.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>looking at his watch</i>). Here they are at last.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I expect he forgot to put his watch right by +the Town Hall.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> (<i>announcing</i>). Mr. and Mrs. Chadwick.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span>, <i>a bore in the grand style, with every cliché +at his command, a bore who—it would seem—really +takes a pride in his art, has been too much +for Hester. She has faded, without quite knowing +why. She is still proud of</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span>; <i>one +could not fail to be of so supreme an artist; and +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</span>she has given up her right to the hearth-rug +and the central position, without resentment; but +she feels that there should have been something +more in life than</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR’S</span> <i>voice. She is fond +of her brother, and has always known that</i> +<span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>was not good enough for him</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Good-evening!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Ah, here you are.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>offering a cheek</i>). Good-evening, Hester.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Good-evening. Good-evening, John. (<i>She +goes and kisses him.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Good-evening, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>shaking hands with</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>). I was afraid we +were late. A rush of business came in just as I was +leaving the office⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Hector is very busy just now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>taking out his watch</i>). Is that clock right, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Right by the Town Hall.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> That’s good enough for me. (<i>Altering his +watch</i>) I’m five minutes slow. Funny thing about +watches. Now I daresay if somebody else wore this +watch, it would be five minutes fast.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You’re too quick for it, Hector.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They sit down.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Who else are coming?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>a little awkwardly</i>). Meldrum.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Horace Meldrum. Ah! These new houses +of his will be a pretty good thing for you, John. I +suppose you’ve got the conveyancing of them.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> The Sutton Road ones anyhow. But you know +what Meldrum is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>brightly</i>). We are going to get them all, +Hector. We are going to do all Mr. Meldrum’s work +for him. Even if he gets mixed up in a divorce case we +are going to act for him.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> My dear Ariadne!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Ariadne’s joking, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> <i lang="fr">Honi soit</i>—and so on. Horace is much too +careful to get mixed up in anything of that sort.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Anybody else?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Janet Ingleby.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Oh, Janet. And Charlie, I suppose?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> No, not Charlie.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> We only knew at the last moment that Mr. +Meldrum was coming, so we just got Miss Ingleby to +make up the number.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Oh, I see.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Charlie will be doing well for himself if that +comes off. I wonder what old Ingleby will cut up for +when his time comes. Any idea, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Hundred thousand. More.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Good heavens! We <em>must</em> be nice to +Janet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>profoundly impressed, to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>). You don’t +mean it, you don’t mean it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I don’t <em>know</em>, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>disappointed</i>). Oh, aren’t you his solicitor?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> If I were, dear, I shouldn’t even be able to +guess at what he’s worth.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Professional etiquette, Ariadne. The Law +Society would rap you pretty sharply over the knuckles +if you talked about your client’s affairs in public, eh, +John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I can’t imagine a decent solicitor doing it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>). Like doctors and bankers. It +wouldn’t do at all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Secrets of the confessional. Even in the +Law Courts—but I think that that point hasn’t been +decided yet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>apologetically</i>). Oh, I see. But who is the +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</span>lucky man who really knows how much Mr. Ingleby will—cut +up for?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Some London firm. Parkinsons, I think.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> He’s always been like that. They even run +an account at Harrod’s, Janet tells me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Uncivic of him. Distinctly uncivic.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But you must have a local solicitor as well, +mustn’t you? Supposing a dog bit him outside the +Town Hall⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>considering</i>). County Court action. Yes, he +would then, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>with decision</i>). Then in case a dog bites him, +I shall be very nice to Janet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span>). What was that? I didn’t quite +get that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> I don’t think it was very important.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>stiffly</i>). A joke of Ariadne’s.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Well, well, nobody likes a good joke more +than I do. Let’s have it, Ariadne.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Shall I explain it, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I hardly think it necessary.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I am sorry, Hector. You’ll have to imagine +it as being tremendously funny.</p> + +<p class="center"> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">MARY</span>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> (<i>announcing</i>). Miss Ingleby.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">JANET INGLEBY</span> <i>is a handsome, rather discontented-looking +girl of 25, with no illusions, a lazily +dangerous tongue, and an eye to business</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Good-evening. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>) How are you, +dear? (<i>Shaking hands with the others</i>) I do hope I haven’t +come at the wrong moment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>gallantly</i>). Could any moment be the wrong +moment for a young and charming lady?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Easily.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>taken aback</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> If I had come in five minutes ago when you +were all discussing me⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> No, no.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I protest, upon my soul, I protest.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Am I the last?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Mr. Meldrum.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, aren’t we all going to discuss <em>him</em> +now?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> My dear Janet, as if we should.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Of course not. We’ve done it already.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> That’s hardly fair, is it? You ought to have +waited for <em>me</em>.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>with a smile</i>). We thought perhaps you would +rather discuss Charlie.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Ah, how is my dear friend Charlie?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Charlie is off.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Dear, dear!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, Janet! Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Father turned him down.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> I thought the modern girl didn’t pay any +attention to her father’s views.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> I don’t suppose she does. But, if she’s not a +fool, she pays a good deal of attention to her father’s +money.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Dear, dear! And so he threatened to cut +you off with the proverbial shilling.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Yes. And both Charlie and I felt that a +shilling wasn’t enough.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). But he wasn’t just marrying +you for your money, dear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> No, that was the trouble. Father said, “Look +here, Janet, if any enterprising young man comes along +who wants a wife and twenty thousand, to put into his +business, I’m ready to talk to him. But this young +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</span>fellow isn’t thinking about business at all. You’ll just +fritter the money away between you, and what’s the +good of that?”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Yes, I see his point.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Oh, so do I. You can’t live on the interest +of twenty thousand. You must <em>do</em> something with it. +Charlie couldn’t think of anything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Yes, that’s true enough.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, as long as you aren’t broken-hearted, +Janet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Oh Lord, no. We had a very good time +together, and that’s all of that.</p> + +<p class="center"> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">MARY</span>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> (<i>announcing</i>). Mr. Meldrum.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span>—<i>handsome, if you like that style—dashing, +as far as his weight will allow—a +supreme egotist, without a wonder or a misgiving +in him. A bounder undoubtedly, but in the +heroic manner.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>to the company</i>). Good-evening, good-evening. +(<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>) Good-evening, dear lady, I trust I am not +late, but as I daresay your husband will have told you, +I have a good deal on just now. (<i>With a nod</i>) Evening, +John. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span>) Ah, Mrs. Hector! and how has +the world been treating <em>you</em> since I last saw you? Let +me see, that was on Tuesday, wasn’t it? (<span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> +<i>murmurs that it was Monday, but he is already on his +way to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JANET</span>.) Ah, Miss Janet! I was talking to your +father over the phone only this morning. You’re looking +very pretty, my dear. Got a new way of doing +your hair, haven’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Yes, it is fairly new. <em>You</em> keep to your old +way?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Ha, ha, very good! I like a young woman to +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</span>show a bit of spirit. You’ll get on, my dear. I always +told your father so. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span>) Ah, Hector! Before +I forget, come and have a talk with me on Monday. I’ve +got something I can put in your way.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Splendid, splendid, my dear fellow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>taking out his watch and looking at the clock</i>). +Yes, I thought I wasn’t as late as all that. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>) +You’re a couple of minutes fast.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>a little diffidently</i>). I don’t think so. I put it +right by the Town Hall clock.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, we put it right by the Town Hall.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>with finality</i>). A couple of minutes fast.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Oh—thank you. (<i>He goes to the clock and alters +it. While he is doing this</i>, <span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>comes in</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Dinner, Mary?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Yes, madam.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Thank you. (<i>To the others</i>) Shall we go in?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>There is a little natural hesitation near the door +on the point of procedure. True</i>, <span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> <i>is a +married woman, but then</i> <span class="allsmcap">JANET’S</span> <i>father may cut +up for a hundred thousand pounds. Fortunately</i> +<span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> <i>keeps his head</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>genially</i>). Ah, shall I go first?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He goes first. The others follow. As they go</i>, +<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>at the door turns off the switches. The +lamps by the fire are still alight—good money +thrown away. Firmly, without hurrying, he +walks across the room and puts them out; then +back again after the others.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + <p class="center noindent fs125 word-sp phalfb"> + ACT I + </p> +</div> + +<h4 class="smcap fnormal fs115" id="act1_scene2_ariadne">Scene 2</h4> + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>The curtain drops—to rise again three hours later.</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> +<i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> <i>are on the sofa</i>, <span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> <i>at work on something. +The others are playing bridge.</i> <span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>with +him</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>) <i>is winning; you can see it by the way he is +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</span>snapping down the cards</i>; <span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> <i>is losing and doesn’t +like it</i>; <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>is dummy; and</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> <i>for once is not +talking, save for an occasional “Ah!” or “H’m!” +or “You play that.”</i></p> + + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> The last two are ours. Four tricks. That’s +thirty-two below. That’s the rubber.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Did you win, Mr. Meldrum?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I did, dear lady.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> How clever of you!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> You know the old adage, Horace. Lucky at +cards, unlucky in love.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, I’m sure that doesn’t apply to Mr. +Meldrum.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I’m sure it doesn’t too.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> How much have you lost, Hector?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> We haven’t worked it out yet, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>who has been scoring</i>). Four hundred and +seventy—that’s four and sixpence.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>who is also scoring</i>). Five hundred and two.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Five hundred and two, that’s five shillings.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> How do you make that? (<i>She looks over his +shoulder</i>) You have given yourself sixteen above, what’s +that for?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Simple honours.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> We had the honours, dear boy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Of course we did.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I had the knave.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> And I had the queen and ten. Four and sixpence.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Sorry. Four and sixpence.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>calmly</i>). <em>I</em> had the knave.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> My dear boy⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> I distinctly remember⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> <em>I</em> had the knave.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> I <em>know</em> Mr. Chadwick had the knave.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Does it matter very much who had the +knave?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span>). We’ll turn up the tricks, if you +like.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>). It just makes the difference, +dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JANET</span>). I’m afraid I’ve shuffled the cards +now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>getting up</i>). Five shillings. Well, I’d sooner +win it than lose it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>getting up and coming over to the sofa</i>). You +see, it’s either five shillings or four and six, according to +who had the knave.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Dear me! Then you all ought to have +watched the poor man much more carefully.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> I <em>know</em> Mr. Chadwick had it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, look here, I tell you what I’ll do, +Hector. I’ll toss you ten shillings or nothing.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Right. (<span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> <i>spins a coin.</i>) Tails.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Heads. My luck’s in.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>making sure it was heads</i>). Right. (<i>He takes +out a note which</i> <span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> <i>solemnly tucks away</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>defiantly to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>). Four and six. (<i>She gives +him the money.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Thanks. That’s all right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I’ll help myself to another drink if nobody +objects.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Oh do! Sorry! What about you, Hester?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> No, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Mrs. John? Can’t I persuade you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> No, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>humorously</i>). I can afford it, you know. I’ve +won ten shillings. (<span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>laughs kindly</i>.) Miss Janet, +what about you? Just to show there is no ill-feeling.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>still rather ruffled over that sixpence</i>). Thanks.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>getting up</i>). Well, we ought to be going, I +suppose. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span>) Are you ready?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Yes, dear. Ready, aye ready. (<i>They say +good-byes, and</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>goes to the door with them</i>.) (<i>To</i> +<span class="allsmcap">JANET</span>) I’m afraid it’s no good offering you a lift, as you +don’t go our way.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JANET</span>). Haven’t you got the car, dear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Good Lord, no. Father doesn’t waste the car +on <em>me</em> like that. I don’t mind walking. It isn’t far.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>relieved</i>). Ah well, that’s all right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>from the door</i>). I’ll see Miss Ingleby home.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> No need to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Of course I will.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>the perfect wife</i>). Of course he will! How <em>is</em> +your father?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>not realising how nearly a dog bit him outside the +Town Hall</i>). Oh, all right. Well then, I’ll say good-night. +And thanks very much.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Good-night, dear. Sure you are all right?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Of course. Good-night, Mr. Meldrum.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Good-night, Miss Janet. Remember me to +your father. I’ll be round seeing him one of these days, +I expect.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>as she goes out</i>). Right. I’ll count the spoons.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Ha, ha, ha! Smart little devil. I like a girl +with spirit.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Final good-nights are heard from the hall. Then +after a pause comes “Ready?” from</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>and +“Right” from</i> <span class="allsmcap">JANET</span>. <i>After another pause +the front door is heard to shut. During this,</i> +<span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> <i>has been staring at</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>, <i>the self-assured +stare of the man who is certain that that +is what a pretty woman likes.</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>sits +demurely on the sofa waiting for him to begin.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I got your message.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> What message was that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> The one you are sending me now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Am I?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Your rose, dear lady.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>demurely</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> My rose.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>more demurely</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Our rose.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>most demurely</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> How beautiful it looks there. (<i>Striving for +the right metaphor</i>) Nesting.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I didn’t know roses did that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Ariadne’s does. It nests in her bosom like +a—like⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> It is difficult, isn’t it? You’ll have to +start again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>who has probably had just a little too much +whisky</i>). Like a dove. Like a little dove. A little +pink dove.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Fancy! I wonder what a pink dove looks +like, nesting in a buttonhole. (<i>He comes towards her. +She takes it out of her dress and puts it in his buttonhole</i>) +There! It looks just like a rose.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Thank you, dear lady. (<i>He kisses her fingers; +then goes back to his place, and expands himself</i>) Somehow +I never feel properly dressed until a pretty woman has +put a flower in my buttonhole. (<i>He stands in front of the +fireplace jingling his money.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Had a good week?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Pretty fair, pretty fair. And a bit more to +come to-morrow morning.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I suppose I mustn’t ask how much.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> You’d be surprised if I told you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Try me.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Not far short of a cool thousand. That’s +about what it will work out at for the week.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> A cool thousand! Fancy. And a bachelor. +No wonder you are always properly dressed.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> So to-morrow afternoon I am running up +to dear old London to see what Piccadilly Circus looks +like.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> On business?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>chuckling</i>). Strictly on business. Strictly on +business. And if anybody asks me what business, I +shall say that’s <em>my</em> business. (<i>He laughs heartily.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Then I shan’t ask you what business.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I’d tell <em>you</em>, my dear lady. I’m going to +see my doctor. Ha, ha! That’s a good one. My +doctor.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, that’s a good one. I like that one.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Joking apart, my dear, I’ll tell you why I’m +going to London. Just for a little bit of fun. Just a +little bit of fun after a hard week’s work. On a Friday +night I say to myself sometimes, “Horace, you’ve been +a good boy all the week, and you’ve earned your little +bit of fun.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I’m sure you have.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> That’s what I call going to see my doctor. +Doctor Fun I call him. L. B. Fun.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> What amusing things you say.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Little Bitta Fun. L. B. Fun—see it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, now I do.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, that’s what I’m going to London for. +Get up in time for lunch. What about a cosy little +lunch at Frascati’s; just as a start?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Alone?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Aha, dear lady, that’s telling.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Perhaps I oughtn’t to have asked.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, let’s say not quite alone. A little +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</span>bit of pink muslin opposite, with perhaps something +inside it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> What a sweet way of putting it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> After lunch—what shall we say? <em>You</em> shall +say, dear lady.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well—what about the South Kensington +Museum?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>much amused</i>). Aha, that’s a good one! A +visit to the South Kensington Museum, tea with the +Dean of St. Paul’s, dinner at an A.B.C., a concert at +the Albert Hall, and a snack of something at Fulham +Palace to end up with. Ha, ha, ha! That’s me!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>pretending to be offended</i>). I don’t believe +you’re serious. You’re laughing at me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Laughing at you? Bless my soul, whatever +put that into your pretty little head? Look in at the +South Kensington Museum at three o’clock to-morrow, +and you will find your humble servant talking to the +head keeper.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I’ve a good mind to take you at your word, +and look in at three o’clock.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>coming closer to her</i>). Why don’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I shan’t have time, I’m afraid. I’m catching +the 3.10 back.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Back? Are <em>you</em> going to London to-morrow?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Fancy that. Alone?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I don’t know yet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> When will you know?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Perhaps in a minute or two.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>joining her on the sofa</i>). How very curious +that you should be going to London to-morrow—too.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> That’s what John said.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>doubtfully</i>). John? So John said that. Why +did John say that?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> He said that it was cheaper to go on +Wednesday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>relieved</i>). Oh, I see! But only if you go +third class.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But then I always do.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Poor little woman, what a shame!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Why? It’s much more amusing.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> If you are alone, perhaps⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, you are never alone third class.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>getting very close</i>). But for two it’s much more +amusing first class.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Is it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Particularly if the guard is a friend of yours.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> He’s a very great friend of mine.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> It’s funny we should both be going to +London to-morrow, isn’t it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But we mightn’t both be going by the same +train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Ah!... What train are you going by?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> The 10.15.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>disappointed</i>). Oh! That’s a pity.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I can’t get away before the 12.5. There’s +a bit of business I’ve got to see to⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>demurely</i>). I think I <em>am</em> going first class.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>considering</i>). It may mean a matter of a +hundred pounds⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Or aren’t there any first-class carriages on +the 10.15 train?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>making up his mind</i>). No, dammit, one can’t +throw away good business just for a bit of fun.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Not even if it wore pink muslin?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>slapping his knee</i>). That’s it! You do your +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</span>shopping or whatever it is, and I’ll come up later, call +for you wherever you like, and we’ll have that little +lunch at Frascati’s. How’s that? I’ll be with you at +half-past one.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, of course, I do like something to eat +about then.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Right! That’s a bet! Where do I pick +you up?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, I shall be at my club⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>jovially contemptuous</i>). Your club! You +women and your clubs! But bless you, in spite of your +votes and your clubs and your cigarettes, you are just +the same women under your clothes as Eve was before +you. And, thank God, you always will be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, but that isn’t the address of the club. +Or don’t you want to know the address?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, give us the name. I suppose the cabman +will know where it is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> The United Arts.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>whipping out his pencil and writing on his cuff</i>). +A. W. United Arts, 1.30.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>watching him</i>). What an interesting time +your laundress must have.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Naturally, I never put any business secrets +there. (<i>He puts back his pencil.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> A very wise distinction.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> One-thirty at the United Arts. And now +what about that train back?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Which one?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Exactly, which one?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> <em>I’m</em> catching the 3.10.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> But that makes it such a very little bit of fun.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I think John will expect me⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Not if you tell him you are coming by a later +one.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Is there a later one?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> There’s one about five.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I don’t think I know that one.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> It isn’t a very good one. There’s a better +one about eight.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> It seems a much later one.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> But the best of them all is the 10.45.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Why is that the best of them all?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I would try to explain why—before we +caught it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> It seems a very long explanation.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> You wouldn’t be bored.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Attractive man!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Adorable woman!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You seem very certain of yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> It isn’t difficult to entertain a pretty woman.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Experienced man!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, yes, I’ve knocked about a bit.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But all women like that, don’t they?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> They do, you may take my word for it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I don’t think I shall go to London to-morrow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Oh yes, you will.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, perhaps I will.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Of course you will.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But I shall come back by the 3 train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Oh no, you won’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, perhaps I won’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Of course you won’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Masterful man!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I know how to manage women, bless their +pretty little faces.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I can see you do.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Now, let’s be practical.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Businesslike.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> You can’t be shopping in London till ten +o’clock at night; you’ll have to say you’ve been called +away suddenly—to a sick relative.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Why are sick people always supposed to +want their relations so badly? I never want anybody +when I’m looking my worst.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Have you got any relations?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Heaps—and all John’s.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Any in London of your own?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> An uncle. I was telling Hester about +him. He lost his liver in Burmah. He’s touchy about +it now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, there you are; he’s ill. D’you see? +You leave a note to-morrow to say you’ve just been rung +up as you were starting to the station. Uncle dying. +May not be back till late. See?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I see. Isn’t it rather deceitful?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Little bit of fun. What’s the harm in a +little bit of fun?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> True. You mustn’t think I haven’t got a +sense of humour.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well then, you see, it doesn’t matter <em>what</em> +time you come back. Your ground’s prepared ... +even if⁠——(<i>He hesitates.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Even if—(<i>very softly</i>)—we found a better +train than the 10.45.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But I thought you said that that was the +best?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> The best—on Saturday night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>looking at him thoughtfully</i>). Do you know +you’re a very wonderful man? (<span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> <i>laughs comfortably</i>.) +Even I—hardly realised⁠——(<i>He leans towards +her. She gets up hastily.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> What is it?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> John. I heard the door.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>getting up</i>). One-thirty. (<i>He kisses his hand +to her.</i>)</p> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>comes in.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> How quick you’ve been!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, I must be getting along.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh no! Must you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Have another drink?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> No thanks, my boy. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>) Afraid I +must, Mrs. John. Got a lot to do to-morrow. (<i>Holding +out his hand</i>) Good-bye—and thank you for a <em>most</em> +delightful evening.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Good-night. I’ve enjoyed it too, you +know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> How nice of you! (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>) No, don’t +bother.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>But</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>insists on seeing his most important client +out. Alone</i>, <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>drops into the sofa with +the evening paper</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>coming back</i>). Well! It wasn’t so bad after +all, was it? (<i>He pours himself out a drink.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>reading her paper</i>). Not so bad.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Did you get on with Meldrum all right?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Quite all right, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>with a sigh of relief</i>). That’s good.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>He drinks.</i>) +</p> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</span></p> + + + <h3 class="nobreak fnormal fs125 word-sp" id="ACT_II_1"> + ACT II + </h3> +</div> + + + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>Saturday. About five o’clock.</i> <span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> <i>are +outside; we hear their voices</i>. <span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>is telling them +that her mistress is out. She opens the door, and they +come in.</i></p> + + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Oh! Then will you tell your master we’re +here?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Yes, madam. I think he’s just come in.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Where has your mistress gone?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> She has gone up to London, madam.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> London!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Yes, madam.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> When do you expect her back?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> She didn’t say, madam. She had a dressing-case +with her, but she didn’t say she was staying the +night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> A dressing-case!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Yes, madam. I’ll tell the master you’re here.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> London. She didn’t say anything about +London last night, did she?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Nothing. It’s very odd.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> I wonder if⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> She was telling us after dinner, before you +came in, that her uncle⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> The General?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Yes—was suffering from indigestion very +badly. We happened to be talking about illnesses.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> You think that a sudden fatal stroke—fatal +spasm, perhaps I should say⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Being Saturday it looks like something +urgent.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Evidently.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> If it had been Wednesday, it wouldn’t have +been so surprising.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> The General, no doubt.... I suppose he’s +pretty comfortably off?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> He has his pension, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> But that would die with him. Anything to +leave? Anything to come in Ariadne’s direction?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> I shouldn’t think so. She would have told us.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Ariadne’s queer in some ways. It would be +just like her not to have said anything about it.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> <i>sees the letter on the mantelpiece</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Ah, there you are!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> A note for John. (<i>She picks it up.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> From Ariadne?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Yes. Called away suddenly, you see.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>going up to examine the envelope</i>). Now what +would you say that meant? (<i>He gives the matter his full +consideration.</i>) I see it like this. If the General’s attack +had actually been fatal, she would have rung John up +at his office.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> He would have gone with her in that case.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> That may be. He is very busy just now. +The point is that she would have rung him up. Leaving +a note makes it clear that, whatever has happened to +the General, it is no more than a preliminary warning.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>looking at the envelope</i>). Sprawly handwriting.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</span></p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>comes in, and they back hastily away from the +letter</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Hullo!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Ah, here you are.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>kisses her and shakes hands solemnly with</i> +<span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Didn’t expect you to-day. I had to go over +to Handfield. Only just got back.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> I’ve heard of a cook for Ariadne—so I +just⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I thought I’d just walk round with her, and +pass the time of day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> She’s gone to London, I hear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> No bad news from the General, I trust.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> The General?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> We supposed that she must have been called +away suddenly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Oh no. Shopping!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> On a Saturday?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> She particularly wanted to go. I suggested +that she should wait till Wednesday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Exactly! That was what misled us.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> But the shops would be shut on Saturday +afternoon.... Besides, why stay the night?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>surprised</i>). But she’s not staying the night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Oh, well, Mary said⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Her dressing-case⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> There’s a note for you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> What? Oh yes! (<i>He goes to it.</i>) She caught +a very early train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Oh, well! But it’s a funny day to go.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>taking out his pocket time-table</i>). The 10.15, +I suppose. Let me see, if she caught the 10.15—they’ve +altered it now. It used to run into King’s +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</span>Cross at⁠—— Here we are—10.15. Runs into King’s +Cross at⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Good God!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> What is it, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>resigned</i>). Ah! He <em>is</em> dead.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> It’s impossible!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Not impossible, my dear boy. Inevitable, +alas! But none the less distressing.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Ariadne!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> What is it, John? Let me look. (<i>She takes +the letter from him.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> It’s ridiculous!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Well, but what is it, my dear boy? (<i>Trying +to get at the letter</i>) May I⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Good gracious!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> May I be allowed⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Had you any idea of this?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Is it likely?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Might I⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> But <em>why</em>?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Why, indeed!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> <em>Might</em> I be allowed⁠—— (<i>He gets the letter +at last. They watch him reading it.</i>) Merciful heavens!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I don’t believe it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> My old friend Horace Meldrum!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> She doesn’t actually say Mr. Meldrum.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> True. Let us be fair. She just says +Horace. “Horace and I are going into the unknown +together. Do not try to follow us.” But if it is not +Horace Meldrum, who can it be?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>). Did she know any other +Horace?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> There <em>are</em> no other Horaces.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Not that I know of. But it can’t be Meldrum. +That’s impossible.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>turning over the letter</i>). Ah, a postscript! +This may throw more light on the matter.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> A postscript?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>trying to look over his shoulder</i>). I didn’t see +that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> “P.S. I am putting this against the clock +so that you will be sure to see it.” That, at any rate, +shows thoughtfulness.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>bitterly</i>). Ha! (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span>) Here, give it me! +(<i>He takes the letter.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Why do you say it can’t be Mr. Meldrum?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> She hates him. She told me so only yesterday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Hate and love! You know what the old +adage says. Love and Hate—I forget the actual +wording.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>fiercely</i>). I tell you she hated him. She +thought he was a bounder.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>staggered</i>). My old friend Horace Meldrum +a bounder!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> A bounder, I tell you! A cad! That’s not +love!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> It might be deception.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> You think she was just throwing dust in his +eyes? It may be so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>going to the door</i>). I’ll ring up Meldrum now. +I’ll prove it to you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). John! My poor John!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>turning back at the door</i>). What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> To think that it should have escaped my +memory!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> What? You never told me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> How can I have been so foolish! I called +in to see Horace Meldrum earlier this afternoon on a +small matter of business⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I was told that he had gone to London.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Good God!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Are you sure, Hector?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> My dear, how can I be mistaken now that it +comes back to me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Well, that’s odd certainly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Perhaps Ariadne didn’t go herself, after all. +Perhaps she has just gone out somewhere in the town.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Mary told us she had gone to London.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Did she?... What were you saying about a +dressing-case?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Taking, according to Mary, a dressing-case +with her.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Why should she do that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> And not on a Wednesday, mark you, but a +Saturday!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> On the excuse of doing some shopping.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Mary told you, you say. Well, I’ll make sure +of that anyway. (<i>He strides across the room and rings the +bell.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Steady, dear boy, steady!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Don’t bring the servants into it until you +have to, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Yes, that’s true.... But I’ve rung.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>holding up a large white hand</i>). Allow me to +deal with it.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out and is heard dealing with it.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> I’m always so frightened of the servants +knowing anything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>outside</i>). Have you—ah, it’s all right, thank +you. I thought I had mislaid a small parcel. Yes, that +was all, thank you. (<i>He comes in with a brown paper bag +which he puts down</i>) Don’t let me forget that, dear, when +we go. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>) A small pine for dessert to-morrow.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Well, they both went to London. That +seems certain.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Why shouldn’t they both go to London?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Why not? But you have her letter, and +you have the corroborative evidence of the dressing-case +and the absence of Meldrum. We must reconcile +ourselves to the facts.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> The letter, yes. (<i>He reads it again.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> What is it she says about some disagreement +with you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Yes, she brought <em>me</em> into it there.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>taking the letter</i>). May I? (<i>Reading it</i>) Yes, +this. “We are poles asunder, as Hector would say, on +the most vitally important thing in life.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Why as <em>I</em> would say? I don’t recollect ever +using the phrase.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> The most vitally important thing in life. +(<i>Giving him back the letter</i>) What was that, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Some money trouble? The question of her +allowance?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> No, no. She knows I never grudged her anything. +This comes out of a clear sky.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I understand, my dear fellow; a thunderbolt +from the blue.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> There was the usual give and take of married +life, of course. But she was happy. You saw her last +night. Wouldn’t you have said she was as happy as—well, +as anybody else?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> She seemed much as usual, certainly.</p> + +<p> + (<i>There is a short silence.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). Why, of course!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> That letter.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> You have it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> No, the one he wrote to her.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> When? You haven’t told us of this.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Last night—he sent those flowers and a letter.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Flowers and a letter! Now we are getting +to something tangible. What did the letter say?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I didn’t read it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Well, but she may have left it somewhere.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>awkwardly</i>). No. I—she tore it up.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> In here?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Yes. (<i>He goes to the basket, looks in it, then rings +the bell</i>) Cleared away, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> John, what are you doing?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Steady, dear boy, steady.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> They have the waste paper in the kitchen, I +suppose. What happens to it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> But you can’t ask the servants about a torn-up +letter.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Why not? A business letter accidentally +thrown away⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> No, no! It’s so—you can’t. They will +guess.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> They’ll guess soon enough if every time I ring +the bell I have to send out Hector to make an excuse +for it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>proudly</i>). Hector will think of something +<em>without</em> going out this time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Er—yes—er⁠——(<i>The door opens and he +hastily whispers to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Did you ring, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> A whisky and soda for Mr. Chadwick.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Yes, sir.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>apologetically</i>). On the spur of the moment, +and seeing what a warm day it is⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> In any case, John, she saw him last night. +Were they alone together after we’d gone?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>reluctantly</i>). Ye—yes. I saw Janet home, you +know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Of course. Then there you are!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They are all silent, thinking.</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>looks at his watch +and automatically looks at the clock</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>keeping all their spirits up</i>). The old clock keeping +pretty good time? (<i>But, for once, nobody minds.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). I shall go to London.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> What can you do there?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Make inquiries at her club. Something. +Anything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Her club. Come! This gives us a starting-point. +We must explore every avenue. Her club. +(<i>He thinks.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>for it still rankles</i>). Why did she ever want a +club—in London?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> She said she was going to lunch there. I could +find that out anyhow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>with great presence of mind</i>). Tsss! (<span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>is +coming in with the whisky. He hurries forward to take +charge of it.</i>) Thank you. (<i>Bottle in hand</i>) John?</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>goes out</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> No, no.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>pouring himself out one</i>). You won’t mind if +<em>I</em> do? You won’t think it unfeeling?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Of course not, Hector, how could he think so?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>raising glass</i>). I can only say, in the most +profound meaning of the phrase—Here’s luck!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I can catch the—what is it—5.30?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>dropping his glass and whipping out his time-table</i>). +Just a moment. 5.29, isn’t it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> It seems so hopeless.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Good God! What else can I do? Must do +something.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>proudly</i>). 5.29, I thought so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Suppose you find them together?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I’ll break his damned neck for him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> No, no, John, nothing rash.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>still on the 5.29</i>). John was speaking metaphorically, +dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Hadn’t Hector better go with you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I am at your service, my dear fellow. Very +fortunate that it has all happened at a week-end. There +are no rival claims of business. The 5.29 runs in at⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> No, no, I can’t bother Hector.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> It would be a pleasure—a melancholy +pleasure. I shall engage Horace Meldrum in conversation, +while you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> While I break his neck.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I was going to say, “While you reason with +Ariadne.” ... Runs in at....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Put it how you like. Only for God’s sake +come on.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He takes</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR’S</span> <i>arm and marches him to the door. +The door opens and</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>comes in</i>. <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> +<i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> <i>draw back in amazement</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>carried away for the moment</i>). Ariadne! My +darling!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> John!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Well, well, well!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>sternly, remembering that he is an injured husband</i>). +Where have you been?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> You may well ask!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Running away from you, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Then what are you doing here now?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I have come back to you, John. (<i>She sits +down.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>angry at the fright he has had</i>). It was just a +joke, was it, your letter?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> A joke in very doubtful taste. In more +than doubtful taste.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> If it <em>was</em> a joke.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>looking at them</i>). You have shown them my +letter?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> We know all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> What could I—they were here. Do you think +I can read a letter like that, and put it calmly in my +pocket, as if nothing had happened?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> No, no, of course not, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Dear!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Have you any right to call him “dear,” +that is the question.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). I only ran away this morning, +Hector.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> True, true. Nothing could have⁠——Quite +so, quite so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> You <em>have</em> been to London?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And why have you come back now?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> He missed his train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Who?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> The gentleman I was running away with.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Meldrum. My old friend Horace Meldrum.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>fiercely</i>). Was it Meldrum? Where is Meldrum?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> He missed his train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> What do you mean? You say here in your +letter⁠——(<i>He turns it over, trying to find the place.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Let me find it for you, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>refusing her offer</i>). Here it is. “Horace and +I,” that’s Meldrum?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Of course. (<i>Surprised</i>) You haven’t any +other friends called Horace?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> The very point I made. Do you remember, +Hester?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> “Horace and I are going into the unknown +together. Do not try to follow us.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, that’s right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Darling, I keep telling you. He missed his +train. The 12.5.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>as if he now understood it all</i>). The 12.5. +Ah! (<i>He nods his head solemnly. A dangerous +train.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> But I don’t see⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> When you arrange to go into the unknown +with a woman by a certain train, you can’t just go and +<em>miss</em> the train. It’s so careless.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> You could have gone by the next.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>carelessly</i>). I expect he did. I daresay he +is searching London for me now.... Ring the bell, +Hector, will you? I am dying for some tea.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). Tea! (<i>But he rings the bell.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>sweetly</i>). I’ve been going backwards and +forwards all day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I am afraid I am still very stupid. Meldrum, +as I understand it, was to have gone with you to London +by the 12.5 train?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> No, no. I had gone by the 10.15. He was +to come up later and call for me at my club.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Her club. You see, Hester, we were right +to make that the starting-point.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And he was coming up by the 12.5?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes. Only he missed it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Presumably he was detained by some +business⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Presumably. (<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">MARY</span>.) Tea, please, +Mary. (<i>To them all</i>) Have you had any?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Is it likely?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Tsss! (<i>He indicates the maid.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You waited for me. How nice of you! +Tea for four.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Yes, madam.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I am sorry, dear. You were saying that +Horace was probably detained by business.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, you see, if a man is detained by +business when you are going to watch a cricket match +with him, that doesn’t matter so much, but if he is +detained by business when you are running away with +him—well, ask Hester.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> My dear lady!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>coldly</i>). I have never run away from my +husband.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But you must often have wanted to. I am +sorry, Hector, but—<em>any</em> husband.... (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span>) +How would you feel if just as you had worked yourself +up to it, you got a telegram “Missed train.” Just like +that. “Missed train.” It’s so—so uncomplimentary. +Wouldn’t you feel that if he had really loved you, he +would have run the whole way to London <em>behind</em> the +train, rather than waste a moment sending telegrams?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> That’s absurd.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, of course, if you are going to stand up +for him⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). I am doing nothing of the sort! +I merely say⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And I merely say that when you are running +away with a woman it’s an insult to her to miss the train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> He might have only <em>just</em> missed it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Then he should have taken a special, +shouldn’t he, Hester?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>unwillingly</i>). Well, certainly, it would have +shown a more⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> There you are! Hester feels just as I do.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). I feel nothing of the sort!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>coaxingly</i>). A little bit.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> A special! Do you know how much a +special costs?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Ah, now we’re talking! How much does a +special cost, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>absently</i>). Fifty pounds? (<i>Furiously</i>) I don’t +know! (<i>This is not in the least how he had meant the scene +to go.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I thought solicitors knew all those things.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Every penny of fifty pounds!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And what am I worth? About twenty? +Oh, ridiculous of him to have taken a special! Most +unbusiness-like. Ariadne’s one thing, but fifty <em>pounds</em>!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>now entirely lost</i>). Really! I don’t think⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>warningly</i>). Tsss! (<span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>comes in to prepare +the tea</i>. <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> <i>becomes tactful</i>.) You came back by +the 3.10, I suppose? Did you have a good day’s +shopping?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>smiling to herself</i>). I did all I wanted.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Such a good train, the 3.10.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I always say it’s the best down train we +have.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I say it a good deal, but not so often as that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Excellent train, don’t you think so, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> The 12.5 is a very good train <em>up</em> to London—if +you can catch it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>uncomfortably</i>). Quite so, quite so.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>has now gone</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Let’s see, where were we?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> She’ll be coming in again directly with the +tea.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> What shall we do? Go on talking about +trains till she comes in and goes out again, or go on now, +and then get back to the trains when⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>sharply</i>). What do the servants know? What +did you say to them when you went off this morning?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Just that I was going up to London to do a +little shopping.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Ah! the very impression I was endeavouring +to give Mary just now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Shopping with a dressing-case?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, I might have been taking a dress up +to be cleaned or something. Mightn’t I, Hester?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> They wouldn’t have guessed anything yet. +But servants always know the sort of woman you are. +You can never hide <em>that</em> from them.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Only from husbands.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Well, if they don’t know, that’s something to +start with. I was afraid⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>always ready</i>). Tsss!</p> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>comes in with the tea</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>with an air</i>). I went up by the 10.15. Another +good train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I always say that the few trains we have are +<em>good</em>. Only what we want is <em>more</em>. Quantity as well as +quality.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> How true!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> When you get into Parliament, John, you’ll +have to see to that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Thank you, Mary.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>goes out</i>. +</p> + +<p>Now then, we’re quite safe unless somebody comes and +calls. Perhaps I had better tell Mary that I am not +at home?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>impatiently</i>). Nobody will call. The position +then is this: you had arranged to go off with Meldrum. +You were to go first, and he was to follow you by a +certain train?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, dear. Tea, Hester?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>violently</i>). Oh, damn the tea! Tea, tea, tea! +How can we settle anything when you’re always talking +about tea?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>soothingly</i>). The sooner we start drinking it, +the sooner we shall stop talking about it. Hester?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>haughtily</i>). No, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>coldly</i>). Hector, pass Hester a bun.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> I don’t want anything, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Hector? You do, don’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>taking a cup</i>). Thank you. After all, it’s a +stimulant. One wants to keep a very clear head. +(<i>He takes a bun—another stimulant.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Did you say you wouldn’t have any, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>gruffly</i>). No, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>pouring herself a cup</i>). There! Now, then, +where were we? Oh, yes—I was to go first and he was +to follow me by a certain train. That’s right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And he didn’t follow you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Not by that train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Let me see, if he missed the 12.5, he’d +probably catch the⁠——(<i>Out comes the time-table</i>) Now, +then.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> What does it matter what train he went by?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>turning the pages rapidly with a moistened +finger</i>). In a case like this nothing is immaterial.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Well, then, you got a telegram at your club +saying that he’d missed his train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And was coming by the next. (<i>Taking a +telegram from her bag</i>) Here it is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Ah! (<i>He reads it.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> May I? (<i>He takes it and reads</i>) Ah! Handed +in at Melchester Central, 12.20. Received Knightsbridge, +12.38. “Missed train. Expect me at three. +Horace.”</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And what did you do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> One moment, dear boy. (<i>Returning to time-table)</i> +He would catch the 1.17. Runs into town—runs +into town⁠——(<i>He turns a page.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>his temper rising</i>). And what did you do, when +you read the telegram?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Came home again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Change at West Hutton. I knew it wasn’t +a good train. Yes, he ought to have caught the 12.5.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> He ought. That’s what I keep saying.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>sarcastically</i>). And as he didn’t, you have +decided that you don’t want to go into the unknown +with him after all?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> No. It would be so very unknown if he +kept on missing trains.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Whereupon you come coolly back here, as if +nothing had happened, and order tea?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I was too excited to have lunch. Thinking +of him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And now what do you propose to do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>at last saying the right thing</i>). Wait to hear +what you propose to do with me, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> Exactly. Now we are getting to grips with +the problem. To take the possibilities. Divorce.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>staggered</i>). Divorce?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> Rubbish!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). Divorce, I was about to say, is +impossible.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Not impossible, but very bad for business.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>sharply</i>). Why not impossible?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> John! And you a solicitor! Is anything +impossible to a really good solicitor? Think of me in +the witness box! How your counsel would rend me! +I wonder who you would brief.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> It’s absurd, anyway. We don’t want a +divorce in the family.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Of course we don’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> So be it. We rule out divorce and come to the +second alternative. Separation. Judicial or otherwise.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>shaking her head</i>). So expensive.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> What would a separation figure out at, +John, all told?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>It is as much as</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>can do not to shriek</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I was thinking of the expense afterwards. +It would mean two establishments for John. Even as +it is, with me helping him by making love to his clients, +we can only just keep this one going. Isn’t it so, +John?</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>But at this</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>gives way altogether</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>shouting</i>). What do you want? What do you +think is going to happen? Do you think you can come +back here⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>always helpful</i>). The past blotted out⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Do you think you can go off as you please⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>still helping</i>). Here to-day and gone to-morrow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Do you think you can just go away and come +back when you like⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>explanatorily</i>). Without so much as a with-your-leave +or a by-your-leave⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>swinging round on</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span>). <em>Shut up!</em></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>appalled</i>). John!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>gleefully to herself</i>). He’s angry!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>still shouting</i>). Why do <em>you</em> come interfering? +Can’t I manage my own affairs? You keep talking and +talking and talking⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> My dear John!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I can’t say anything, but what you must say +something⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> I am dumbfounded.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>almost crying</i>). Why can’t you leave me alone? +She’s my wife, isn’t she?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>under her breath</i>). Well done!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>to the world</i>). I am absolutely at a loss! In +this very distressing business I am merely putting my +brains, such as they are, at your disposal. And <em>this</em> +happens! I am absolutely at a loss!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>hurrying to her wounded husband’s aid</i>). After +all, John, you asked for our advice⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR.</span> You took us into your confidence⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> (<i>stroking her wounded husband’s head</i>). Hector +only wants to help.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>sadly</i>). It is beyond me. I am out of my +depth.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>recalling</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>to the present</i>). Dear, Hector is +out of his depth.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>ashamed of himself</i>). I am sorry, Hector. (<i>He +holds out his hand which</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> <i>shakes heartily</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>happily, the perfect gentleman</i>). Say no more, +my dear fellow! An apology—between friends⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>opening the door</i>). Would you mind? Forgive +me, Hester. (<span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span> <i>gets up and he shakes her hand.</i>) +I think perhaps Ariadne and I⁠——It was very kind +of you to⁠——Perhaps to-morrow we may⁠——Of +course you won’t say anything until⁠——</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>He has got them to the door.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HESTER.</span> That’s all right, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>vaguely</i>). An apology—between friends. +(<i>Under his breath to</i> <span class="allsmcap">HESTER</span>) My dear, do we⁠——(<i>He +indicates saying good-bye to</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>) No? Doubtful +taste, perhaps. Perhaps better not. Quite so.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>takes them out. While he is away</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> +<i>touches herself up in front of the glass and +comes back to her tea</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>as he comes back</i>). Damn that fellow!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Hector? Such a nice man.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Gas-bag.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> It’s your brother-in-law. Your own sister’s +husband, and making lots of money. You can’t call a +man like that a gas-bag.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Never mind that. (<i>Firmly. A husband and a +solicitor</i>) Now then, Ariadne.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I want some explanation of this. Why did +you go away with that fellow?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You told me to be nice to him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> (<i>to Heaven</i>). <em>Nice</em> to him!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, it was the nicest thing I could think of.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And when your husband asks you to be friendly +to a man who is a good client of his, that’s how you do it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes. When they don’t miss their train.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Well!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). You don’t think I was too +friendly? I had to think of the business, and he’s such +a very important client, isn’t he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Look here, if you think that by ridiculous +exaggeration of my words like that⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Don’t sneer at exaggeration. All art is +exaggeration. It isn’t until you look at a thing a little +out of its perspective that you see it as it really is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I don’t want a lecture on art.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> No, John. And it means using such long +words. But I want you to understand that my heart +was in the right place if—if the rest of me wasn’t. I +overdid the faithful wife, that’s all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> <em>Faithful</em> wife! You have a sense of humour, +Ariadne.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I have, John. Nothing can take that from +me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). I don’t believe a word you’ve been +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</span>saying. You ran away with him because you loved him. +(<i>She says nothing. He goes over to her and shakes her by +the shoulders.</i>) Answer! Do you love this fellow?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Why do you call him a fellow? Only +yesterday you were telling me what a good sort he was.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>to himself</i>). Meldrum! Good God! How +little one knows one’s friends! That sort of man!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But I told you yesterday he was that sort +of man.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> God! I’ll break his neck for him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>interested</i>). Is that legal?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>grimly</i>). I’ll—break—his—neck for him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Is it businesslike? Of course you’d have +the winding up of the estate⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> If he thinks he can try any of those games in +this house⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Isn’t it funny? Yesterday you liked him +and I didn’t, and to-day you don’t like him and I⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>turning to her suddenly</i>). Supposing he had +caught that train! Where would you be now?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Ah, but he didn’t. He was detained by +business. Business first.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>melodramatically</i>). In all but actual fact you are +unfaithful to me!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Ah, but facts are what count in this hard-headed +town.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> But for the trifling accident of missing a +train⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>excusing him</i>). I suppose he is very busy just +now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>the husband forgotten in the solicitor</i>). Those new +houses. I told you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I suppose he suddenly decided that they +could be run up for less or that they didn’t really want +bathrooms. I must ask him what it was.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>the husband roused</i>). You’ll do nothing of the +sort! I’ll take damned good care you never see him +again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Darling, is that wise?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> What do you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> We don’t want to offend him, do we?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Offend! That’s funny! That’s very funny! +(<i>He laughs bitterly.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, dear, but we mustn’t let our sense of +humour interfere with our sense of business.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>very sarcastic</i>). He hasn’t offended <em>me</em>. Oh +no! He has only run away with my wife.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But you must save something from the +wreck. You don’t want to lose a wife <em>and</em> a good client +on the same day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>now entirely unmanned</i>). Damn my clients!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> John, you’re losing your head. You’re +saying things you’ll be sorry for one day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>violently</i>). And you’re saying things <em>you’ll</em> be +sorry for. And what’s more, my girl, you’ll be sorry +for them now. I tell you I’ve had about enough of this. +(<i>He goes up to her fiercely</i>) You shame me in front of my +relations, you insult me, you ruin my business for me, +you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>triumphantly</i>). Ah ha! I knew that would +come in. Business! Business!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>seizing her wrists</i>). Stop it, do you hear? Stop +it, or by God, I’ll⁠——</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>The door opens very quietly and <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> creeps in.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR</span> (<i>in a stage whisper</i>). It’s all right, I’m not +staying. I just⁠——Did I leave a small pine—ah, +there it is. Thank you, thank you.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He picks up his pineapple and tip-toes softly out +of the room.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</span></p> + + + <h3 class="nobreak fnormal fs115 word-sp" id="ACT_III_1"> + ACT III + </h3> +</div> + + + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>Monday.</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>is alone in the drawing-room, reading</i>. +<span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>is clearing away tea. The front door bell rings.</i></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I am at home to anybody, Mary. From +the Mayor downwards—(<i>after thought</i>)—upwards—(<i>after +further thought</i>)—downwards.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Yes, madam.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>She goes out, leaving the door open. In a little +while</i> <span class="allsmcap">HECTOR’S</span> <i>voice is heard booming</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HECTOR’S VOICE.</span> Ah, Mary! Is Mr. Winter in? I +just dropped in on my way next door.... (<span class="allsmcap">MARY’S</span> +<i>voice is not heard</i>.) ... Ah! No, I think perhaps.... +No, it was your master I particularly wished—in +the circumstances perhaps hardly⁠——Thank you, +thank you.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>He goes</i>, <span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>comes back</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> It was Mr. Chadwick, madam. He said⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>smiling</i>). I heard him, Mary. He talks very +clearly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Thank you, madam.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>returns to her book</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>to herself</i>). Cut by Hector. (<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>comes +in, evening paper in hand. She jumps up</i>) Darling! +(<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>takes no notice.</i>) Cut—by John. (<i>She goes back +to the sofa and picks up her book</i>) And now I’ve lost +the place. That comes of being impetuous. (<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</span><i>settles down with the paper.</i>) Did you see Hector? +(<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>grunts</i>.) Yes or no, as the case may be.... +He’s just gone out.... He’s coming back again.... +(<i>After a long pause</i>) How delightful.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>sulkily</i>). What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, nothing. (<i>After a pause</i>) Anything in +the paper?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Nothing in the paper. (<i>After a pause</i>) Did +you have a good day?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> H’m.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> A good day. Now what shall I say next? +(<i>Brightly, after a pause</i>) I’m reading a book about bees.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> H’m.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> What a mercy! I’ve found a subject +which interests him.... It says in my book about bees +that when the queen bee has finished with her husband +she kills him. Did you know that? It’s a funny idea, +isn’t it? You’d have thought that she’d have kept +him to talk to her in the evenings. It must be so lonely +for her without anybody.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> H’m.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> He isn’t as fascinated as I thought. (<i>After +a pause</i>) I wish I had been married to Hector. +Whatever his faults, nobody can say that he doesn’t +<em>talk</em>.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>rudely</i>). And nobody can say that his wife ran +away from him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>sweetly</i>). Oh, is <em>that</em> what it is? I knew +there was something the matter.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>throwing down his paper</i>). What do you expect +me to do? Thank you for coming back to me, +and then chatter away gaily as though nothing had +happened?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> No, but I think that, after two days of +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</span>completely silent thought, you ought to do <em>some</em>thing. +What <em>are</em> you going to do, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>mumbling</i>). Haven’t decided.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Would you like me to go away for a few +days until you <em>have</em> decided?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>brutally</i>). With whom?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, John! (<i>She shakes her head at him.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>angrily</i>). Why do you make me say things like +that? I was just reading my paper—and then you +make me say horrible things like that. What do you +expect me to do? I’ve tried to see Meldrum, I keep +on trying to see Meldrum, but if he’s away, what can +I do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>surprised</i>). Away?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Of course he’s away. At least he’s never at +home or at his office when I go to see him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). What are you going to say to +him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Tell him that, if I see him inside my house +again, I’ll knock his head off.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> John! My darling! (<i>She goes to him and +puts her arms round his neck.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Go away! (<i>He tries to unloose her arms.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And you are prepared to lose all his +business?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>bravely</i>). If necessary.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>admiringly</i>). John!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>hopefully</i>). It may not come to that, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But it must!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>uncomfortably</i>). My dear child, you can’t let +sentiment interfere with business. No business man +does. If it’s convenient to Meldrum that I should +continue to act for him, naturally he will want me to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And naturally you will?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Naturally.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>leaving him</i>). I think I shall go on with my +book about bees.</p> + +<p class="center"> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">MARY</span>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Miss Ingleby is at the door and wants to +know if you’re engaged, madam.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh no, ask her in, Mary.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Yes, madam.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You’d better pretend you’re busy, hadn’t +you, dear? Janet would know at once that you didn’t +love me any more.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>sulkily</i>). Right.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out and is heard speaking to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JANET</span>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>outside</i>). How are you? You’ll find Ariadne +in there. I’ve got one or two letters to write.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Thanks. (<i>She comes in.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Good-evening, dear. I suppose you’ve had +tea.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Oh, Lord, yes, ages ago. (<i>She sits down.</i>) I +rather want your advice, that’s why I came.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, as long as you promise not to take +it⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> That’s something about you that makes you +different from most of the people here.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I suppose Hector would think it uncivic of +me to take that as a compliment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, anyway, I’ll tell you what’s happened; +though, I know pretty well what you’ll say.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> How disappointing of you!... Go ahead. +(<i>Tucking them away</i>) I’m all ears.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, I went to London on Saturday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> London! On Saturday! Fancy!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> To have lunch with some friends. I was +coming back by that 5 train⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I know. It isn’t a very good one.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> How funny! That was just what Horace +Meldrum said.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>surprised</i>). Horace Meldrum? When?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> When he saw me catching it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>innocently</i>). Oh, did <em>he</em> go to London on +Saturday?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> He had to run up to see a man about something.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, I see.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> We were both catching the 5 train back.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Fancy! So <em>he</em> was coming back too?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, he was at the station anyway.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Looking for somebody perhaps.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, anyhow we met just outside the platform, +and naturally we got talking, and he said that the +best train of the day was the 10.45.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, I’ve heard that very well spoken of.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> And he thought it would be rather fun if we +had dinner somewhere and came back by that train +together.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> He likes a little bit of fun, I know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> <em>I</em> thought it would be rather fun, too. So we +did.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). He didn’t mention any—better +trains?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> No, that was the best.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And you caught it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>with a sigh of relief</i>). Then what do you want +my advice about?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, I’m telling you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Sorry.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> He got a bit wuzzy at dinner—well, I don’t +mind that, I’ve seen a bit of it in my time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> However old are you? A hundred and +one?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> When I say wuzzy, I don’t mean—well, he +could have driven a car all right. I mean fond of himself—and +of me—and of the waiters—<em>you</em> know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> And in the train—we had a carriage to ourselves⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Really? First class, I suppose?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Yes, and the guard was a friend of his.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Mr. Meldrum has a great many friends in +the guards.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, in the train⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I suppose he kissed you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, of course! You don’t think I am +making a song about that, do you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I’m sorry, go on.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, in the train he asked me to marry him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>awed</i>). Janet, I wish I could have heard him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> It <em>was</em> rather funny. He asked me to share +his little nest, and things like that. Well, I told him +that I couldn’t say off-hand, and he said, “That’s right, +little woman, you think it over.” But he’s been practically +living with us since, talking business with Father, +and <em>he</em> thinks it’s settled, and Father thinks it’s settled, +and⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And Janet?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Janet isn’t quite certain. Because, you see, +there’s a lot to be said on both sides.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I see. And which side do you want me to +say it on?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> I know what <em>you’ll</em> say—you’ll say, “Of <em>course</em> +you mustn’t.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). I shan’t say anything of the +sort.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> You’re a bit old-fashioned in some ways. +Don’t you think so?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I’m trying not to be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> I feel that at any moment you’ll ask me if I’m +in <em>love</em> with Horace.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> My dear child—I mean, my dear elderly +friend, how could I ask you anything so ridiculous?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Mind you, I’m not saying that I have no use +for love. But what I feel is that love and marriage are +two different things.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> They are sometimes, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, look round a bit, at all the married +couples you know. How many of them are in love with +each other? Are the Chadwicks?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>twinkling</i>). You must ask Hector one day—when +I’m there.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). I’ll ask somebody else. Are you +and John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, my dear! How embarrassing of you!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Well, tell me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). I think so, Janet.... In +our hearts.... It gets covered up from time to time +with business, and domestic worries, and other things, +but I think it’s there.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>a little taken aback</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> That’s what makes marriage such terrible +fun. Trying to keep it. Trying to find it again. The +other thing is so ridiculously easy. Any fool can get +married, and throw her hand in.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Y-yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You and I are much too good for that, +Janet. We’re in a different class. Any brainless little +fluffity girl can marry, and fall in love with somebody +else, and be fallen in love with. It takes a real woman +to keep marriage intact.... <em>You</em> could do it.... +And it <em>is</em> such fun. But you must have the right husband +to start with.... Oh yes, John and I are all right ... +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</span>really ... though perhaps he doesn’t know it just at +this moment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). I felt perhaps it was a bit cheap.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Cheap ... yes.... Free love—and free +verse. They may be better, but—(<i>with a smile</i>)—but +they’re a damn sight easier. I like difficult things. +(<i>There is a short silence.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>getting up slowly</i>). Yes. Horace is too easy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Much.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Thanks, Ariadne.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Do something for me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> Of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>smiling to herself</i>). Let him think—for +to-day anyhow—that it <em>is</em> settled.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> My dear, it will take me more than a day to +persuade him that it isn’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And it really isn’t?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET.</span> It isn’t. Horace is off.... Charlie was off.... +I suppose I shall find somebody one day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Why not find a job of work to do while +you’re looking round?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> (<i>struck by the novelty of it</i>). Good idea! I will. +So long. (<i>She goes ... wondering what she could do.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Left alone</i>, <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>waits until</i> <span class="allsmcap">JANET</span> <i>is out of the +house, and then opens the door and calls across +to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN’S</span> <i>study</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> John!... John.... It’s all right, Janet +has gone. We can resume our silence from where we +left off.... Bother! (<i>She wanders round the room in an +undecided way, and then goes back to the sofa and picks up +her book.</i>) I suppose it will have to be bees again.</p> + +<p class="center"> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">MARY</span>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Oh, Mr. Meldrum rang up, madam, while you +were engaged with Miss Ingleby. I couldn’t quite +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</span>catch whether it was Mr. or Mrs. Winter he was asking +for. He just wanted to know if you was in.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>hopefully</i>). Yes, Mary?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> He was coming round, I understood him to +say, madam. I think the master has gone up to dress. +I think I heard him going into the bathroom.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>The front door bell rings.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh! Well, you’d better show Mr. Meldrum +in here in case it’s very urgent business.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY.</span> Yes, madam, I think that’s him now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Very well, Mary. (<span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> <i>goes out and</i> +<span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>smiles to herself on the sofa</i>.) Dear Horace!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MARY</span> (<i>announcing</i>). Mr. Meldrum.</p> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> <i>comes in</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>advancing airily, hand extended</i>). Ah, dear +lady, I just looked round to say how sorry I +was⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>rising dramatically</i>). Horace!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>less airily</i>). How sorry I was our little luncheon +fell through⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> My darling!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>startled</i>). Eh?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I was afraid something had happened to +you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Oh no, no, no. A little bit of business +turned up. You know how it does. And I said to +myself, “Mrs. John is a sensible woman, she’ll understand +how it is when a little bit of business turns up. +She’ll let me off that little bit of lunch I promised +her.” But I thought I’d just come round—only +polite⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>bewildered</i>). Horace!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> What’s the matter?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Ah, I understand. How tactful of you. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</span>But you can speak quite safely now. We are alone. +My husband is upstairs having a bath. Darling!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I—I—I—Really!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> As if business would have kept you away +from me! What was it, dear? You had an accident? +You fell down?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Really, Mrs. Winter, I don’t quite—I think +you must have made⁠——(<i>He breaks off, not knowing +what to say.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Ah, but never mind! We are all right +now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>mechanically</i>). All right now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Quite sure?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Quite sure.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Then when do we start?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> When do we⁠——?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> When do we start?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>mechanically</i>). Start.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, start.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Start where?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> That’s for you to say, Horace. What about +Spain?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Spain?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, Spain.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>mechanically</i>). Spain.... Spain.... Spain.... +Spain....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Spain—until it’s all blown over.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Spain until it’s all blown over.... (<i>With +an effort</i>) My dear lady, I—I don’t know what you’re +talking about.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>horrified</i>). Horace!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I don’t know what you’re talking about.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Have I made a terrible mistake?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>seeming to find some comfort in the phrase</i>). I +don’t know what you’re talking about.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You did ask me to come away with you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> I don’t know what⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> To leave my husband and come away with +you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>with energy</i>). Never! Never! Never! +Never!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Not on that Friday night when I wore your +rose?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Never!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And you wore mine?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Never!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> We <em>are</em> thinking of the same Friday? I +mean this last one.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Never thought of such a thing. Never +entered my head.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>wrinkling her forehead</i>). I’m sure you said +something.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>awkwardly</i>). Just a little bit of lunch—I +don’t say I didn’t suggest a little bit of lunch. What’s +the harm in that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Was that really all?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Absolutely all, ’pon my honour.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh! How awful!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Awful? What’s awful?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> What have I done?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> What <em>have</em> you done?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Why, you see, I left a note for John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>faintly</i>). You left what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You see, I misunderstood you, and I left +a note for John saying we were going away together.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> But—but—but⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And then you didn’t meet me as we +arranged, and I thought you must have had some +terrible accident, so I hurried back here to wait until +you were well again.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). Yes, but what about the note?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> It was too late. John had read it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> But—but—but—my dear lady⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Wasn’t it a pity?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> But wha—wha—what did it say?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, just that you and I were going away +together, and he wasn’t to follow us. I didn’t say anything +about Spain, because I wasn’t quite sure.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, of all the—well, of all the—well, of +all the⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>penitently</i>). I was hasty, I see that now. +But what are we going to do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> What’s <em>he</em> going to do, that’s the point?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Do you mean John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). What’s he been doing these last +two days?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>simply</i>). Waiting for <em>you</em>, Horace.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>nervously</i>). How do you mean, waiting for me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Just waiting for you. I think he wants to +speak to you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>hopefully</i>). Ah, yes, yes. Perhaps that’s it. +There <em>is</em> a little matter of business between us⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> This wasn’t business, Horace. He talked +as though it would be a pleasure. He’s been looking +for you everywhere.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> What do you think he’s going to say?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> He didn’t tell me. All he <em>said</em> was that he +was going to break your neck for you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>in alarm</i>). But—but—but—but—but⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But I suppose he’ll say, “Ah, Meldrum, +here you are,” first.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> But—but—but I’ve just fixed things up +with old Ingleby. Little Miss Janet and I—well, but +that shows how ridiculous the whole thing is. I’m +marrying Miss Ingleby.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). Not with a broken neck!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). But look here, my dear lady, you +must explain. Tell him the whole thing was a horrible +mistake.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, I shall. In fact I’m sure he’ll feel it +for himself. He’ll look down at the body and say, +“Yes, it was a mistake. I oughtn’t to have done it.” +And I shall say, “I told you so, John. You see, we’ve +got nowhere to put it.” And he’ll say, “What about +the cellar?” and I shall say, “It’s much too big for the +cellar,” and he will say⁠——(<i>But the sight of</i> <span class="allsmcap">HORACE’S</span> +<i>face is too much for her. Weakly she adds</i>) And he will +say⁠——(<i>and then breaks down altogether, and laughs +hysterically</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). There, there, my dear lady! <i>(He +tries to pat her back. She waves him away, and goes on +laughing.</i>) There! there!... There! there!... Try +holding the breath ... there, there!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>shaking her head at him</i>). Oh, Mr. Meldrum! +(<i>She laughs again.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>with sudden relief</i>). You were joking? Of +course! That’s it! You were just joking about John +and the letter you left for him! You haven’t told him +anything. Of course you haven’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>still rather weak</i>). Oh, Mr. Meldrum!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>anxious again</i>). What? Wasn’t it⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> And the poor man actually thought I was +attracted by him!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> He thought I wanted to share a first-class +carriage with him!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Who?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Have a little bit of lunch with him—a little +bit of dinner with him—in pink muslin!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>utterly undone</i>). Well, I’m damned!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Catch the last train with him! Good +gracious, the man even thought I wanted to <em>miss</em> the last +train with him! With <em>him</em>! (<i>She points to him, and goes +off into laughter again.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, upon my word⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, Mr. Meldrum, you funny, funny man!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>hardly able to believe it</i>). You mean to tell me +that you were pulling my leg from the word “Go”?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>weakly</i>). Yes. At least, from the word +“nesting.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> You’ve just been making a fool of me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> No, no. Looking on while you made a +fool of yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, upon my soul! (<i>He stares at her in +wonderment.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You really mustn’t make love to married +women, you know. You haven’t got the figure for it. +I’m not sure that you ought to make love to anybody.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Fooled me! Fooled poor old Horace +Meldrum!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> From the word muslin.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>gazing at her in admiration</i>). You <em>are</em> a little +devil!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But then you like them to show a bit of +spirit, don’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> By gad, I do! To think that a bit of a +woman like you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Oh, I’m rather more than that. I’m almost +all of it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>beginning to laugh reminiscently</i>). Right from +the beginning! Poor old Horace bringing round his +flowers ... poor old Horace arranging his little bit +of dinner.... Why, I’d actually telephoned for a table—what +do you think of that? At least my clerk had.... +Well, well, well—and you were fooling me all the +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</span>time! Fooling poor old Horace Meldrum! What the +boys would say if they knew! Ha, ha, ha! (<i>He goes +off into happy laughter.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> It <em>is</em> funny, isn’t it? (<i>She laughs too.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>rolling with laughter</i>). The way you kept +it up!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> If you could have seen your face!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Fooled by a woman! Ha, ha, ha!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>outside</i>). Is that Meldrum?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>still laughing weakly—his back to the door</i>). +And of course <em>he’s</em> in the joke too! Ha, ha, ha!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>comes down the stairs two at a time, and bursts +in, in his shirt sleeves, his coat in his hand.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>fiercely</i>). Ah, Meldrum, here you are!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>weakly</i>). That’s how you said he’d begin! +Ha, ha, ha.... Yes, John, old boy, here I am ... oh +dear, oh dear! (<i>He mops at his eyes, still shaking with +laughter.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Stand up!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>chuckling to</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>). He’s going through +with it. (<i>Meekly as he stands up</i>) Yes, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Don’t call me John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> No, John. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>) And he’s taken +his coat off and all!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>going to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>). Shall I help you on, dear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>). I think you had better leave us.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> That’s good! “I think you had better +leave us.” That’s damned good. (<i>He chuckles.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>helping him on</i>). Why, dear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> He’s going to break my neck, Mrs. Winter. +You can’t do that in the presence of ladies. It isn’t +polite.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>stiffly</i>). I wish to have a few words in private +with Mr. Meldrum.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> A few words in private. Capital!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> As this concerns <em>me</em>, I feel that I ought to be +present.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Of course she ought. Come, come, John, +you can’t spoil the fun by sending her away.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>grimly</i>). Fun!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>chuckling</i>). As pretty a little bit of fun as ever +I saw. And I like a joke. Nobody can say I don’t like +a joke. I like a joke with any man. <i>(He sinks into the +sofa again.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Stand up!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> John, he’s tired.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>getting up</i>). No, no, I’ll play the game. You +don’t catch Horace Meldrum spoiling a bit of fun.... +Do I hold my hands up? (<i>He winks at</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> You ran away with my wife.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Yes, that’s right. Spain.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Spain. We were going to Spain. (<i>To</i> +<span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>) It was Spain, wasn’t it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>nodding</i>). Ronda.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> That’s right. What she said. In Spain.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Oh, so it was to be Spain, was it? And, but +for the accident of missing your train, you would be in +Spain together now?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>murmuring to himself</i>). But for the accident +of missing the train, Mrs. Winter and I would have +been in Spain. That’s good. I thought there was a +bit of poetry there. (<i>Putting it to music</i>) But for the +accident⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>terrifyingly</i>). Answer! Is it so?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Well, I don’t know what the trains—(<i>hastily</i>) +that is to say, I did look them up, of course—(<i>looking +at his watch</i>)—yes, we should just about have +been there now—where she said.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And what the devil do you mean by it?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>playing up nobly</i>). I can only say, as one +gentleman to another, I’m sorry. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>) That’s +pretty good for an amateur.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> What are you saying to my wife?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> That was what they call an “aside,” old +boy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> How dare you address my wife at all! Kindly +confine your remarks to me in future.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>chuckling</i>). Oh, damn good, damn good, on +my soul.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). What’s the matter with you? +Have you been drinking?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>earnestly</i>). Not a drop, my dear fellow, not +a drop since tea—well, just after tea.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> You can understand what I’m saying?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Perfectly. And believe me, my dear boy, +I appreciate it. I didn’t know you had it in you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>a trifle bewildered</i>). Then if you can understand, +listen to <em>me</em>.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>weakly</i>). Yes, John. Don’t make it too +difficult for me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>very impressively</i>). First: If I ever catch you +in my house again, I’ll thrash you within an inch of your +life. Secondly: Your deeds and papers will be sent +back to you to-morrow, and after that I won’t soil my +fingers by touching any of your dirty business again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>to herself, meaning it</i>). Oh, well done, John!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>meaning something else</i>). Isn’t he good?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And thirdly: If you so much as put a foot into +my office again, I’ll tell one of my clerks to kick you out.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>in sheer admiration</i>). Marvellous, my dear +fellow, marvellous. (<i>He chuckles to himself.</i>) Wonderful +touch that about soiling your fingers—with <em>my</em> business!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>). Is he mad? What’s the matter +with him?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I think he thinks you’re joking, dear. I +think he thinks you’ve been joking all the time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>staggered</i>). Joking?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, I think that’s what he thinks. I don’t +think he’s taking you quite seriously.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>grimly</i>). Oh!... So you think I’m joking, +eh?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>comfortably</i>). My dear man, I <em>know</em> you’re +joking.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And how do you know that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Good Lord, I’m not a fool. You wouldn’t +be talking about business like that if you weren’t joking.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Ah, John, you see!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>nettled</i>). I’ll soon show you if I’m joking or not.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> You did it so damn well that just for a +moment you almost took me in. But when you talk +about throwing away good business—all the nice little +jobs I’ve given you, and all the nice little jobs I’m going +to give you—(<i>chuckling</i>) why then, bless you, I <em>know</em> +you’re trying to pull my leg. That’s <em>over</em>-acting, my +boy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> So you think I’m joking when I say that I +won’t do any more business for a man who tries to run +away with my wife?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Course I do.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Damn you, I mean it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>waving him down</i>). No, no, dear boy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>appealingly</i>). Ariadne, tell him I mean it. Tell +him I’m serious.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> But it sounds so silly, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span>). I mean it, do you hear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>chuckling comfortably</i>). No, no, dear boy. +You’ve put up a very good performance, but now you’re +getting carried away. It’s going to your head. As +long as you talk about breaking my neck, and thrashing +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</span>me within an inch of my life, that’s all right, I say +nothing against that. That’s all in the character. But +for a man to talk of throwing away good business, just +because his wife and his best client⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>grimly</i>). Now I’m going to kill you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>chuckling</i>). Ah, stick to that and you can’t go +wrong. That’s expected of a husband. That’s in the +character. All I say⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>advancing threateningly</i>). I shouldn’t waste your +breath talking. Put your hands up!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>in an ecstasy of admiring laughter</i>). Oh, John, +John, you’ll be the death of me. You ought to have +gone on the stage.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Put them up!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>retreating behind</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span>). Keep him off, +Mrs. Winter. Stop him! Oh Lord, oh Lord, I haven’t +laughed like this⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Out of the way, Ariadne.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> What are you going to do, John?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>between laughs</i>). He’s going to kill me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You mustn’t do that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> He’s doing it, Mrs. Winter, he’s doing it. +I shall never get over this.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I think you had better go, Mr. Meldrum.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE.</span> Yes, yes, I’ll go. Oh Lord, oh Lord! (<i>As +he goes to the door</i>, <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>makes a move after him</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> John! (<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>stops</i>.) Stay here, please. I +want to talk to you. (<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>hesitates</i>.) You’d better +sit down. (<span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> <i>sits down</i>.) Thank you, dear. (<i>Coldly</i>) +Good-bye, Mr. Meldrum.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">HORACE</span> (<i>at the door, still rather weak</i>). Good-bye, dear +lady, good⁠——(<i>Suddenly recovering himself</i>) Why, bless +my soul, I’d almost forgotten what I came about. Our +little joke put it clean out of my head. (<i>Very businesslike</i>) +John, I want to see you to-morrow about my +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</span>marriage settlement—Janet and I have fixed things up—I +arranged with old Ingleby to meet him at your office. +Eleven o’clock suit you? Right. I’ll tell him. So long. +(<i>He nods to</i> <span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span>, <i>and then slowly begins to chuckle to himself +again</i>.) You wag!</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>rather bewildered—after a pause</i>). What was that +he said? Marriage settlement?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Getting married? To Janet?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> He thinks so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Then how⁠——But in that case he couldn’t⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Exactly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>after a pause, still puzzling it out</i>). He said he +thought it was all a joke my being angry. Why did +he think it was all a joke?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Because of what you said about giving up +good business.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Ridiculous nonsense!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> That was what he thought.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Why shouldn’t I have given it up? Of course, +to a man like Meldrum business <em>would</em> seem the only +thing that mattered. But to any decent man⁠——(<i>He +stops.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> To any decent man⁠——?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>still thinking</i>). But that wasn’t it. Directly I +came in he treated the whole thing as a joke. Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Perhaps because I told him that the whole +thing <em>was</em> a joke.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> You told him? (<i>He stares at her.</i>) Good Lord, +then, you mean it wasn’t true that you were going off +with him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). True!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Your letter⁠——(<i>He feels in his pocket for it.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> John, did you really think I could possibly⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> But that telegram. You had made <em>some</em> sort +of an arrangement with him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I might have had lunch with him if he’d +caught his train. I don’t know. Would you mind that? +Your favourite client.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>having found the letter</i>). But if it was just lunch, +why do you say this about going into the unknown +together.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> We were lunching at Frascati’s.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> And that was all? Did he only suggest +lunch? (<i>She says nothing.</i>) Did he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>smiling to herself</i>). Well, I led him on a little. +Just to see how far he <em>would</em> go.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Why? Oh, I see, to teach him a lesson.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Mr. Meldrum? You can’t teach <em>him</em> anything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Then why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, perhaps to teach somebody else a +lesson.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>blustering</i>). I can’t make women out. How you +could ever have thought of lunching with a man like that. +But women are all the same, they never know a bounder +when they see one.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I suppose they don’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Meldrum! And Janet Ingleby is going to +marry him! There you are again. Just what +I say.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Women <em>are</em> funny, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>still with the letter</i>). Oh, then there’s this: “We +are poles asunder, as Hector—We are poles asunder on +the most vitally important thing in life.” What does +that mean? What is the most vitally important thing +in life?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>quietly</i>). The order in which you put things. +What comes first?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>uncomfortably</i>). I don’t know what you mean. +(<i>Pathetically</i>) God, I <em>have</em> had a rotten week-end.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>sympathetically</i>). Have you, darling?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I’ve been perfectly miserable. (<i>Awkwardly</i>) I +told Meldrum off all right, didn’t I?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You did, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I suppose he did go pretty far?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Pretty far.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> That’s what I thought. That’s why I said I +wouldn’t have any of his business in my office again. +You heard me say that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Didn’t you hear me clapping?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Did you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Didn’t you see the pride of me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). I suppose I shall just have to do +this marriage settlement for him. I can hardly get out +of that very well. I mean—old Ingleby⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You needn’t be afraid. I fancy you’ll find +that he has been rather hopeful about that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> You mean she won’t marry him after all?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Not she.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> Oh!... (<i>Thoughtfully</i>) What a pity! That +might have led to something with old Ingleby. Well +then (<i>bravely, but a little reluctantly</i>), I wash my hands +of Meldrum’s business altogether. That’s settled.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> I don’t think you need go quite as far as +that, John.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>relieved</i>). Oh!... (<i>Very firmly</i>) Well, anyhow, +he never comes into this house again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> You know, I don’t think it would matter if +he did. I think we understand each other now, and he +rather amuses me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>relieved</i>) Oh! ... well—well, anyhow⁠——</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>But there he stops. There seems to be no other +heroic gesture available.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Well, I must be dressing. You’re ready. +(<i>She gets up.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN.</span> I’ll come up. I’ve got one or two things to +do. (<i>He looks at his watch and mechanically goes to the +clock to put it right. While he is doing this, his back to her, +he says shyly</i>) Ariadne!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE.</span> Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>very shyly, very humbly</i>). Thank you for not +going away from me. (<i>He holds out a hand behind him.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>taking it</i>). Oh, John!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Hand in hand they walk to the door. He opens it +for her.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">JOHN</span> (<i>with a little smile</i>). Ariadne first!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>smiling too</i>). Just for a little longer.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He waits to turn off the switch. The lamps by the +fire are still alight—good money thrown away. +Firmly, without hurrying, he begins to walk +across the room⁠——</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> (<i>from outside</i>). Come along, darling!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He stops; looks at the light. After all, what is +twopence?</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARIADNE</span> <i>first! Magnificently he +switches all the lights on, and goes after her.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</span></p> + + + <h2 class="nobreak p2t word-sp fnormal" id="PORTRAIT_OF_A_GENTLEMAN"> + PORTRAIT OF A GENTLEMAN + IN SLIPPERS + </h2> + <p class="noindent center p2ba">A COMEDY IN ONE ACT</p> + +</div> + + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</span></p> +<div class="chapter"> +<p class="center noindent p1b"> +CHARACTERS +</p> +</div> + +<div class="poetry-container"> +<p class="noindent"> + <span class="smcap">King Hilary XXIV.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Otho</span> (<i>his body-servant</i>).<br> + <span class="smcap">Princess Amaril.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">The Stranger.</span> +</p> +</div> + +<hr class="short"> +<p class="center noindent"><i>A room in the King’s Palace—once upon a time</i></p> + + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</span></p> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p class="hanging"><i>It is mid-morning, and His Majesty (aged 30, shall we say?) +is being shaved by</i> <span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> <i>in one of the rooms in his +Palace. It is not his bedroom, for he does not sleep +there; nor is it a reception room, though he is soon to +receive his Chancellor. Let us call it his dressing-room, +and assume that a man, so fond of posing as he, will +spend much of his time within it.</i></p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>He is all the Kings that there have been in fairy-tales and +history. All the stories which have been told of the +condescension of Kings were first told of him. When +the workman’s little child falls down in front of the +King’s carriage; when the intoxicated reveller, unaware +of his identity, treats him as a boon-companion +and a fellow-republican; when the sentry challenges +him at the Palace gates, and refuses to let him pass; in +these and a hundred emergencies none so conventionally +royal as</i> <span class="allsmcap">HILARY</span>. <i>He sees himself always as the hero +of a royal story, or as sitter for a royal portrait.</i></p> + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>At the moment he is the King condescending to his faithful +servant—one of his favourite poses. We must assume +that he is wearing his crown—or will as soon as</i> +<span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> <i>has finished with him. In those days they +always did.</i></p> + +</div> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> There! As pretty a shave as ever your +Majesty has had.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> I am indebted to you, good Otho.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> It is a pleasure to deal with a beard like your +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</span>Majesty’s. (<i>Sponging his face</i>) A beard so—so—if I +may use the phrase⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> You have my permission.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> So responsive. A beard like your Majesty’s, +which, in a manner of speaking, meets the razor half-way⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> I don’t know that I am interested in the +assignations of my beard.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> As your Majesty pleases. (<i>He prepares to spray +the royal face</i>) If you will condescend to close your +Majesty’s eyes⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>closing them</i>). Gladly. I was fast wearying of +the pattern of the ceiling. It has a sort of⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> If it were also your Majesty’s pleasure to +close the mouth—Thank you, your Majesty. (<i>He sprays +him</i>) The towel. (<i>He hands it.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>dabbing his face</i>). You are the only man in my +kingdom who dare tell me to shut my mouth. It is an +unusual privilege. You have no children?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> No, your Majesty, nor likely to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> If I were sure of that, I should make the +privilege hereditary. It would be an appropriate +reward for your services.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>gracefully</i>). The pleasure and privilege of +serving your Majesty⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Is enough? Is that what you were about to +say?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> To tell truth, your Majesty, I proposed to leave +the sentence in the air, as a simple expression of loyalty. +There were difficulties in the way of finishing it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Wise Otho.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> One must live.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> True. (<i>With a yawn</i>) And we must marry, it +seems.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> It is generally expected of a King.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> So much is expected of a King. He has +nothing to do but to fulfil expectations.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> The approaching ceremony is a matter of the +utmost rejoicing, your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Another simple expression of loyalty?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Not only on my lips this time, your Majesty, +but in the hearts of your devoted subjects.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Ah! (<i>He permits himself a faint smile</i>) Now, +Otho, here is a question for you. See how you answer it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> I will answer it truthfully, your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Can loyalty and truth be combined?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> By one who has made it his particular study, +your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Come, then! Is it for my sake that the people +most rejoice, or for the sake of Her Royal Highness?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> For both, your Majesty. But in their great +loyalty they do not lose sight of the fact that the day +is proclaimed a national holiday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>on his dignity</i>). Otho!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> (<i>bowing</i>). Your Majesty!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>recovering his sense of humour</i>). You are a good +fellow, Otho. (<i>He laughs.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Thank you, your Majesty. Your Majesty will +understand how devoted I am to your Majesty’s service.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> A good fellow. But there are moments when +I weary of being called Your Majesty more than three +times in a sentence. Particularly when, as now, in +undress. (<i>Graciously</i>) After all, Otho, I am only a man +like yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> It is very condescending of your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> “Of you.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>surprised</i>). Of me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> No, no!... Well, well, call me what you like.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Thank you, your Majesty. It is, I assure +your Majesty, no trouble to me at all.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> You will hardly believe it, but that was not +in my mind at the moment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Naturally, your Majesty.... (<i>He busies himself +professionally.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> So our good people rejoice at the marriage?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Men and women, your Majesty, young and +old. Indeed, some of the old women, in a spirit of loyal +anticipation, have already named the first baby for your +Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>airily</i>). Boy or girl?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> They have taken the liberty of anticipating a +beautiful young Prince of the name of Rollo.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Remind me when the time comes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Thank you, your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Rollo—it is as good a name as any other.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> The people will be much gratified by your +Majesty’s choice.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> What more can a King desire, my good Otho?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> It depends a little on the King, your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>ironically</i>). Their gratification would not be +lessened by the fact that any such happy event might +be made the occasion for <em>another</em> national holiday?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Speaking as one who will probably not be +participating in it, I should imagine not, your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Otho!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>bowing</i>). Your Majesty!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>recovering his sense of humour</i>). You are irresistible. +I give you the day now. Make your arrangements. +I regret that I cannot guarantee the weather.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Your Majesty is gracious as ever to his humble +servant. I shall take the liberty of anticipating King’s +Weather.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> That should be easy to a man who has already +anticipated the baby.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>There is a knock at the door.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">A VOICE.</span> May I come in?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Her Royal Highness.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>loftily</i>). See to it, Otho.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="smcap">Amaril</span> <i>comes in, as pretty as a princess in a story-book. +The only fault that we can find in her is +that she has a sense of humour. Poor girl.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> But I <em>am</em> in. (<i>She curtseys</i>) Good morning!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>royally</i>). We are delighted to see your Royal +Highness. (<i>He advances towards her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>kissing his hand</i>). Your Majesty!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>raising her to her feet and kissing her formally on +the cheek</i>). Princess! (<i>He leads her to a couch.</i>) You +wish to see me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Do I? I suppose I do. Is it too early—or +too late? Are you at business—or at rest? To come +to a point, have I chosen the wrong moment, or are you +glad that I am here?... How difficult for you to +answer!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Leave us, Otho.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>bowing</i>). Your Majesty! Your Royal Highness!</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>stiffly</i>). No moment is the wrong moment for +your Royal Highness, no hour too early, nor too late.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> And yet⁠——?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> And yet?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> You are the King, and I should have craved +audience?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Five minutes ago I was being shaved.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>happily</i>). I wish I had seen you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> So that even were I not the King⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> And even were we already married⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> I should have wished to know that your Royal +Highness⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> “Your Majesty” in that case.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> —that your Majesty were coming.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> I understand. I have been forward, ill-bred, +unroyal.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> My dear Amaril! (<i>But he looks a little uncomfortable.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). Hilary!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>anxiously</i>). I may call you Hilary—before +we are married?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> It is for your Royal Highness to call me whatever +she is pleased to call me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>smiling</i>). I used to call you Toto. Do you +remember?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> I beg you not to call me Toto in front of the +Chancellor. He would undoubtedly resign.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Do you remember?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>stiffly</i>). We were very young in those days.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> We are not very old now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>wearily</i>). I am a hundred and nine. Or is it a +hundred and ten?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> I think I could make you younger than that.... +We used to kiss when we were children. Do you +remember?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>gracefully</i>). It is a privilege which is still granted +to me from time to time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>shaking her head</i>). Oh, no! It is not a +privilege ... which is granted ... from time to +time. It just happens.... Do you remember how it +happened that first time?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> How does it happen with children? They are +told to kiss each other good-night. Did I have my +mouth wiped for me first? I forget.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>smiling to herself</i>). We were playing in the +gardens. You said you wanted to practise rescues, and +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</span>you asked me if I minded falling into the pond, so that +you could jump in and save me. And I said I would. +And I fell in ... and a gardener jumped in after me +and pulled me out. And I taunted you, and said you +had been afraid, and that I should have drowned if the +gardener hadn’t saved me. And you said you were +just going to jump, only your foot slipped; and I said, +No, you were a coward, and the gardener was a much +braver man, and I would tell my father, and he would +let me marry the gardener when I grew up. And I put +my tongue out, and kept saying “Coward!” And +suddenly you smacked my face—oh, with all your +strength—and cried that you <em>weren’t</em> a coward, you +<em>weren’t</em>, you <em>weren’t</em>, and you burst into tears ... and +then your arms were round my neck and you kissed me, +and sobbed, “<em>Don’t</em> marry the gardener. My foot did +slip, <em>really</em>—but I promise you it will <i>never</i> slip again.” +And so we clung to each other, and cried together. And +I promised you that I would marry <em>you</em>, not the gardener.... +And that is why I am marrying you to-morrow—because +I promised.... (<i>There is a silence between +them.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>coldly</i>). I struck you, I betrayed you, I was a +coward; and you choose this moment to remind me of it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>distressed</i>). Oh <em>no</em>, Hilary, no!... It was +just the little boy I loved. I wanted to remind you of +<em>him</em>.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Do you think I need to be reminded? Do you +think I am not ashamed? A coward!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> No, no, your foot slipped.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>bitterly</i>). And a liar!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Oh, let me say it did! Let me find excuses +for you!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> We can be honest with each other now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>sadly</i>). Am I going to lose that little boy?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> I want you to know me as I am. Yes, you were +right to remind me of what I was, but you will have +nothing to fear from me in the future. That I can +promise you. I shall not betray you again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> I was not frightened, Hilary.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Even now, if you were afraid—if you wished to +return to your own country—even now⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Do you want me to go?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>formally</i>). How can you ask me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>wistfully</i>). How can you not answer?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>gallantly</i>). Your Royal Highness has made me +the proudest man in my Kingdom—and her most +devoted subject.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>with a sigh</i>). And I once called him Toto!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> I think we may assume that Toto is dead.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>sadly</i>). I think we may.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> But Hilary remains.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Toto the First is dead. Long live Hilary +the Twenty-fourth!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> And Long live the Queen!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>with a sigh</i>). So long as it doesn’t seem long. +(<i>She gets up</i>) Have I permission to leave your Majesty?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>smiling</i>). My reluctant permission. (<i>He comes +to her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Reluctantly I avail myself of it. (<i>She kisses +his hand. He raises her and kisses her cheek.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>whispering as he kisses her</i>). Don’t marry the +gardener!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>turning to him eagerly</i>). Toto! (<i>But he is +the King again. She says coldly</i>) I beg your pardon, +Hilary. (<i>She moves away.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Otho!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>coming in</i>). Your Majesty! (<i>He opens the door +for the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span>) Your Royal Highness!</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Is the Chancellor here?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Not yet, your Majesty. But there is a sort of +person outside who craves admittance into your Majesty’s +presence.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> What sort of person?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Just a sort of person, your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> What does he want?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> What he actually said was: “I want to see +the King.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> And that is what you call “craving admittance”?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Another form of it, your Majesty. I fancy +that he brings a gift for your Majesty’s gracious consideration.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>doubtfully</i>). H’m!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>helpfully</i>). The gift appears to be about two +feet by one.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>ironically</i>). One deduces that it is neither a +horse nor a diamond.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Of which your Majesty has already a sufficiency.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Why is it that you wish me to see him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> I assure your Majesty that I know nothing of +him. Yet there is an air about him....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>resigned</i>). Well, let him come. (<i>He seats himself +regally.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Yes, your Majesty.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He goes out and returns with the</i> <span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span>. <i>The</i> +<span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> <i>has something wrapped up, two feet by +one, under his arm. He bows to the</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Otho! (<span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span>, <i>who was going, remains</i>.) You +wish to see me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> I wish to see your Majesty.... I have +already had the privilege of seeing your Majesty’s body-servant.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>coldly</i>). Well, now you see us both.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> It would seem to be so, your Majesty, but, +alas! it is not. In my great humility, my eyes keep +resting upon the humble countenance of your Majesty’s +servant.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> If you have anything to say, you may say it in +front of him. He does not talk.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> You mean that your Majesty does not +listen.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). Leave us, Otho.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Your Majesty!</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>coldly</i>). Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> I have a marriage gift for your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Which my servant may not see?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Your Majesty would wish to see it first.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Is it so very alarming?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> It is just a mirror.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> And what shall I see there?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Your Majesty will see—himself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>picking up the hand-mirror</i>). What else do I see +in this?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Your Majesty sees only the King.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>with a sigh</i>). True, they are different. The +mirror does not show what the skilled painter can show. +The portrait of me in my coronation robes which the +Court Painter⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> (<i>smilingly</i>). Oh, your Majesty, the Court +Painter!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>coldly</i>). You are in error, sir. I ordered him on +this occasion to paint me as I really am. The man +beneath the King.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). The Court Painter has an +extravagant wife and many children.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> I think he painted the King.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>warningly</i>). You are a brave man.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> I have neither wife nor children.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> And a foolish one. There are men, and not +Kings only, whose secret selves are hidden from the +world. So much is true. Indeed, with a King it must +be so. His life is so public that he must needs build +himself a private life in which he may take refuge. +There are men, yes, and Kings, whose secret selves are +hidden even from themselves. They know not of what +they are capable. Sometimes I wish that I were one of +them. For, oh! my friend, if ever there was a man who +knew himself, and was weary of himself, it is I.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Now, where have I heard that said?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> And so, if your mirror be truly as you say it be, +I shall greet the face which I see there as that of an +old friend; the face of a lonely man; a man who wishes +what he will never achieve—to be loved for himself, as +he is, with all his faults.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> I seem to have heard <em>that</em> said too.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>with a sentimental sigh</i>). With all his faults!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> What particular faults were you thinking +of, your Majesty?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>warming to it</i>). I have, perhaps, an impetuosity +which I do not show my people; a nature capable of +more passion than I will let be seen. At heart I am +indolent; I would gladly spend my day listening to +music, or in contemplation of nature. I am rash; it +may be that I jump to conclusions too quickly. Extravagant, +yes; those who really knew me would say, +“Recklessly so.” Ah yes, sir, there is indeed a very +humble fellow beneath the King.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> He sounds an attractive fellow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>with a sigh</i>). I would that I could think so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> I have often noticed that the faults to +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</span>which humble people most readily confess are those +which, in less humble men, would be regarded as virtues.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>coldly</i>). Explain yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> I have yet to meet a man who says: +“Alas, I know myself! I know that I am a liar and a +coward.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>rising furiously</i>). Sir!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> But I have met many who say: “Alas, +I am full of faults! My generosity is extravagance; +my courage, recklessness; my chivalry, mere foolishness!”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>grimly</i>). Of your generosity and chivalry I know +nothing, but certainly your courage has the appearance +of recklessness.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> How so, your Majesty?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> You are at my mercy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> I am content to be so. To every man +there comes a time when life has no longer the charm +which once he found in it ... and even to a King there +must come a day when the sudden death of another +man loses its first beauty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>sulkily</i>). I suffer no man to call me coward.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> I call your Majesty nothing. It is the +mirror which will tell your Majesty the truth.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> You think I am afraid to look?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> If your Majesty knows himself, he has no +reason to be afraid.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>He begins to unwrap it</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>hesitating</i>). Why do you bring it to me now?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Your Majesty is to be married to-morrow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> But what of that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> A man can hide from himself what he +cannot hide from his wife. Within a year Her Majesty +will know what you will never know, unless you have +seen it here—the truth about yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Is it well that I should know?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> A wife should have no secrets from her +husband.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>He stands the mirror on the table.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>suspiciously</i>). This is some trick. (<i>He comes +slowly to the mirror, looking doubtfully at the</i> <span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> <i>as +he comes.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> No trick, your Majesty.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span> <i>stands in front of the mirror. Suddenly +he starts back in horror.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>furiously</i>). It is a trick!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> No, your Majesty.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span> <i>looks more closely. He moves his head, +his hands, his eyes ... and watches himself, +fascinated.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>in a low voice</i>). It is no trick.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> What does your Majesty see?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>his eyes still on the mirror, and beckoning with his +hand</i>). Look!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> (<i>not moving</i>). What does your Majesty see?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>slowly</i>). Cruelty, cowardice, deceit, vanity, +cunning, arrogance⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> It is a catalogue of the lesser virtues.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Treachery, meanness, false humility⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> False humility. One must avoid that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Never have I seen such a face.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> It is remarkable how most of us carry it off.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> And this man—can I call him a man?—this +monster is to be married to-morrow.... Poor girl!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> (<i>calmly</i>). Doubtless she knows.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>turning to him</i>). How can she know? Until two +days ago, we had not met since we were children.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> True. I was forgetting. It is thus that +royalty marries.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> She must know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> She will find out.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> But it will be too late.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Is it not too late now?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> No! No! She must see! She must be +warned!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Is it a marriage of love, then?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>in a low voice</i>). I love her.... Can a King love? +But I do love her.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Let her see, then.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>still at the mirror</i>). Yes, yes! (<i>He rings a bell.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>coming in</i>). Your Majesty!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Otho! Here! (<i>He beckons him to the mirror.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> (<i>warningly</i>). Your Majesty! (<i>He shakes +his head.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>taking the hint</i>). Otho, ask Her Royal Highness +if she can give me a moment of her time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>withdrawing</i>). Yes, your Majesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> You are right. Otho must not know the truth +about me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> (<i>with a smile</i>). I was not thinking of that, +your Majesty. I was thinking that it would be unwise +for you to know the truth about Otho.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Unwise?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> The world is at an end if we lose our +illusions about our friends. It is a small matter that +they should lose theirs about us.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>haughtily</i>). Otho is my servant.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Yet if he is not your friend, who is?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>sadly</i>). True. A King can have no friends.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Which is an excellent reason why he should +seek one in the woman he marries. Perhaps it would be +better not to show the mirror to Her Royal Highness.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> My mind is made up. It is her right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Then may I suggest that your Majesty +stands a little to one side of the mirror, and avoids looking +into it, lest he should see Her Royal Highness there.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>angrily</i>). Do you dare to suggest⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Your Majesty would see nothing but truth +and goodness in her face; yet—what is a woman if she +has no secrets from us?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>announcing</i>). Her Royal Highness!</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> <i>covers the mirror again</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>coming in</i>). Your Majesty wanted me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER.</span> Have I your Majesty’s permission to +retire?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>regally</i>). We are indebted to you for your gift.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">STRANGER</span> (<i>bowing</i>). Your Majesty is most gracious.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> <i>takes him off</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Nice-looking man.... Is it a present, +Hilary?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Come here, Amaril.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>coming</i>). Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>taking her by the shoulders and looking at her</i>). You +will be brave? But I can see that you are brave.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> What is it? Are you trying to frighten +me? What has happened? Why are you so strange?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>bitterly</i>). Strange—yes. (<i>After a pause</i>) Amaril, +what do you really know of me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Nothing, Hilary.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> You see the King, wearing his crown—and his +mask. But what do you know of the man beneath?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Nothing, Hilary.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> Yet you are willing to marry me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> We have not much choice in our world.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> If I could show you the real man; if the sight +of him filled you with horror; would you have the +courage, even at this hour, to leave him and go back to +your own country?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> I am not a coward, Hilary. I would have +the courage to leave him, if I wished to leave him—and +I would have the courage to stay with him, if I wished +to help him.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>bitterly</i>). No, <em>you</em> are not a coward. But what +am I?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> I think you are a little morbid about yourself +sometimes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> And I have reason to be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> You have a picture of yourself to show me. +Is that it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> A mirror in which you shall see me as I really +am.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>He takes the cover off.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> When you have seen it, you will know ... and +I shall not see you again. (<i>He motions her to stand in +front of it.</i>) Come!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>not moving</i>). Is it so terrible?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> To me, yes. To you, also, when you have +seen it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> Yet you are willing to show it to me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). It is only fair to your Royal Highness. +As a man of honour⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> As a man of honour you are prepared to +throw away your chance of happiness with me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>heroically</i>). As a man of honour I must.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> It is happiness? You still wish me to +marry you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> If your Royal Highness could stoop so low. +But I am ashamed to ask.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>her temper rising</i>). At least, then, I shall see +in the mirror the portrait of a man of honour. There +will be humility also, and shame. Is it so terrible a +picture? (<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span> <i>says nothing. She goes on scornfully</i>) +Or shall I see none of these things? Is His Majesty +still posing, still wearing his crown and mask, still making +a portrait of himself for his own delight?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>regally</i>). Madam, you go too far!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>exhibiting him to the world</i>). Portrait of King +Hilary the Twenty-Fourth on his royal dignity: “Madam, +you go too far.” One more portrait for your +private gallery! Portrait of the King condescending +royally to his body-servant: “Amuse me, good Otho. +I am aweary of this world.” Portrait of the King +graciously accepting marriage gifts from strangers: +“Sir, we thank you. We Kings are lonely men....” +Portrait of the King discovering that he is full of evil +and resolving to enter a monastery—portrait of the +King deciding that for the sake of his beloved people he +will remain outside—portrait of the⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>furiously</i>). You <em>dare</em> to say these things to me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS.</span> I dare to say these things to you! <em>I</em> am +not a false, dressed-up coward like—<em>that</em> man! (<i>In her +anger she has been walking up and down, and now finds herself +enough in front of the mirror to see the</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING’S</span> <i>face in it. +She points scornfully at it as she says, “That man.” Then +suddenly her expression changes; she looks in amazement +at the mirror—at the</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span>—<i>at the mirror again</i>.) Toto!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>staggered</i>). What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>turning eagerly to him</i>). Toto! My darling! +You’ve come back to me!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING.</span> What madness is this?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>to the mirror</i>). My ugly little, stupid little, +vain little, bad little, <em>funny</em> little Toto! (<i>She goes to him +and throws her arms round him.</i>) My darling, why didn’t +you tell me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). Really, Amaril, this is most⁠——(<i>He +tries to disengage himself.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>soothing him</i>). There, there!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>outside</i>). Your Majesty?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>frantically</i>). Amaril!... Enter, Otho!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> <i>comes in, as the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> <i>slips away from the</i> +<span class="allsmcap">KING</span>. <i>The latter hastily covers the mirror.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO.</span> Your Majesty, the Chancellor is without.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>very regal</i>). We will receive him, Otho. (<i>He +seats himself.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>with immense dignity</i>). Have I your Majesty’s +leave to withdraw?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">KING</span> (<i>offering a royal hand</i>). Your Royal Highness!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>kissing it</i>). Your Majesty!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> <i>conducts her out by the one door, and returns +to the other for the Chancellor. The</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span> +<i>assumes the portrait of “Hilary XXIV. receiving +his Chancellor in audience.” Just as his +expression is at its best, the</i> <span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> <i>pops her +head in at the door</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">PRINCESS</span> (<i>in a babyish sing-song voice</i>). To-to!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He turns angrily. She blows a kiss to him and +disappears again.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">OTHO</span> (<i>announcing</i>). His Excellency the Chancellor!</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>The</i> <span class="allsmcap">KING</span> <i>awaits him regally</i>.) +</p> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</span></p> + +<h2 class="nobreak fnormal word-sp p2t" id="success"> +SUCCESS</h2> +<p class="noindent center p2ba"> +A PLAY IN THREE ACTS +</p> +</div> + + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</span></p> +<div class="chapter"> +<p class="center"> +CHARACTERS +</p> +</div> + + +<div class="poetry-container"> +<p class="noindent"> + <span class="smcap">The Rt. Hon. R. Selby Mannock, M.P.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Lady Jane Mannock.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Arthur Mannock.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Freda Mannock.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Digby.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Edward Eversley.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Bertie Capp.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">John Reader.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Lord Carchester.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Nite.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Squier.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Buteus Maiden.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Sally.</span> +</p> +</div> + +<hr class="short"> + +<div class="poetry-container"> +<p class="noindent"> + <span class="smcap">Act I</span>. Cavendish Square. <span class="p1l">Evening.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Act II</span>. Enderways, Yorkshire.<br> + <span class="p2l"><i>Scene</i> 1:</span> Dick’s Room. <span class="p1l">Midnight ... and after.</span><br> + <span class="p2l"><i>Scene</i> 2:</span> A Corner of the Wilderness. <span class="p1l">Early Morning.</span><br> + <span class="smcap">Act III</span>. Cavendish Square.<br> + <span class="p2l"><i>Scene</i> 1:</span> Afternoon.<br> + <span class="p2l"><i>Scene</i> 2:</span> Afternoon, two days later. +</p> +</div> + +<hr class="short"> + +<blockquote> +<p class="noindent">This play was first produced at the Haymarket Theatre on +June 21, 1923, with the following cast:</p> +</blockquote> + + +<table class="autotable"> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><span class="p1r"><i>The Rt. Hon. R. Selby Mannock, M.P.</i></span></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Charles Cherry</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Lady Jane Mannock</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Grace Lane</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Arthur Mannock</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">John Williams</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Freda Mannock</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Joyce Kennedy</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Digby</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Eugene Leahy</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Edward Eversley</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Halliwell Hobbes</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Bertie Capp</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Reginald Owen</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>John Reader</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Reginald Bach</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Lord Carchester</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Eric Stanley</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Nite</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Sydney Bromley</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Squier</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Lewis Shaw</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Buteus Maiden</i>.</td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Rita Seymour</span>.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="tdl"><i>Sally</i></td> +<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Moyna Macgill</span>.</td> +</tr> +</table> + + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</span></p> + + + <h3 class="nobreak fnormal fs125 word-sp" id="ACT_I_2"> + ACT I + </h3> +</div> + + + +<p class="hanging p1b"><span class="smcap">Scene</span>: <i>Cavendish Square. Evening. The</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> +<i>family has finished with the grosser forms of eating, +and is now dealing politely with the nuts and wine. +It does this in what is called the library (though</i> +<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>is not much of a reader), leaving the debris +of the dinner, and the airs which cling to it, to the +dining-room. The four of them, very clean, very +proper, very safe, sit round the polished mahogany, +cracking, munching, talking.</i> <span class="allsmcap">SELBY MANNOCK</span>, <i>that +rising young Cabinet Minister in the late forties, is +intent on a particularly tiresome nut which won’t declare +itself. He deals with it methodically, his grave, handsome +face showing no sign of anxiety. Probably he +was human once, but now the official manner has +descended on him. He can say things like “Ladies +and Gentlemen, we have nailed our colours to the mast,” +or “Our glorious Empire on which the sun never sets,” +without feeling uncomfortable. He is obviously an +important man; not pompously so, but with the quiet +assurance which only middle-aged politicians can bring +to the pretence that any of us matters more to Heaven +than another. There was a time when he had a +conscience, but it gave up the struggle some years ago, +and is now as departmental as his manner.</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span>, +<i>his wife, has the manner too. She was born in high +politics, whereas</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>has only acquired them. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</span>She still has the prettiness, though it is colder now, +which, with her position and money, carried him off +his feet twenty-five years ago, and replaced him a +dozen rungs of the ladder ahead of his contemporaries. +Her world is divided into people who matter at the +moment, and people who don’t; to the former she can +be very pleasant indeed; to the latter also, if there is +a chance of their mattering later on. On the other +side of her is their only son</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span>, <i>just down from +the Varsity. At the moment he is rebellious, hating +the manner as much as a Vicar’s son hates the Litany. +But it is doubtful if he has the moral backbone to fight +against it for long. Success will have him for her +own; let him make the most of his freedom meanwhile +by denouncing the dishonesty of politics and the +servitude of a career. At any rate he will amuse</i> +<span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span>, <i>his younger sister. She also will be successful—probably +at St. Margaret’s, possibly in the Abbey—but +her sense of humour will do something to save her. +Their leisurely, well-fed talk has been going on intermittently +since the wine went round....</i></p> + + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>suddenly, after a drink</i>). Well, all I can say +is that, if that’s the case, you ought to resign! (<i>He +waits with an air, as if for the reporters to write “Sensation.”</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). Nutcrackers, Arthur.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Father’s got them. (<i>Taking them from him</i>) +Here you are.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>trying again</i>). It’s the only honest thing +to do!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>languidly</i>). You’re very young, dear. +(<i>Crack!</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> I suppose I ought to be crushed by that, +Mother, but I’m afraid I’m not. I might just as well +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</span>say that Father’s very middle-aged. That isn’t the +point.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> What <em>is</em> the point? I seem to have missed +it. After you with the crackers, Mother.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Honesty, even in politics, isn’t a question +of age. At least it oughtn’t to be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span>). Thanks.... It’s a question +of what you call honesty.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Exactly! You have two standards; one +for private life and one for public life. That’s what +I protest against.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Exit protesting.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> My dear boy, what do you expect? It +always has been so, and always will be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>aggressively</i>). Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Don’t ask <em>me</em>. Why does the sun go +round the earth⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> It doesn’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>taken aback, but recovering gallantly</i>). Well +then, why doesn’t it? Why⁠——(<i>with a wave of her +hand</i>) Why anything? <em>I</em> don’t know. You’ve got to +take the world as you find it. When you’re young, +you think that you’re going to make a wonderful new +world of it, all by yourself. As you grow up, you realise +that you can’t, and that, as you haven’t very long to +be in it, you’ll be happier if you make the best you can +of the old world.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>with an air</i>). Again I protest.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Protesting’s never any good. You want to +break something.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>And now, at last</i>, <span class="allsmcap">SELBY MANNOCK</span> <i>has finished +his nut</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>wiping his mouth</i>). There!... What were +you saying, Arthur? (<i>This is too much for</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span>, +<i>who, after one indignant look, drops into sulky silence</i>. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</span><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> <i>laughs</i>.) Ring the bell, will you, there’s a good +boy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> What is it?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> <i>slouches out of his chair and rings the +bell</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Thanks, old fellow.... Why don’t I send +in my resignation from the Cabinet? Because my +resignation would certainly be accepted.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>to her son</i>). It’s ridiculous, dear, to expect +your Father to throw up his whole career just for +nothing at all. What good would it do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>with interest</i>). <em>Would</em> the P.M. accept it, +Father?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I think undoubtedly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> I thought that that was where Marjory came +in. The Duke wouldn’t allow it, would he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> He mightn’t like it, but⁠——In any case +that isn’t the point now. Arthur wants, not a mock +resignation, but a real one. Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>mumbling</i>). The Redistribution Bill.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> You said that you thought it monstrous.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Monstrous was <em>your</em> word.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Your Father only said that he didn’t +like the Bill.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> And if you had given me time, Arthur, +I should have added that I didn’t like it because it +didn’t go far enough.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Good Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> It goes pretty far. It will dish Labour jolly +well at the next election.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Well, what am I in politics for at all, if +not to do that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>rudely</i>). You can fight fair, I suppose?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>calmly</i>). My dear Arthur, how on earth is +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</span>any one to say what distribution of seats is fair and +what isn’t?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> You admit that the Government wants +redistribution just so as to improve its own electoral +chances?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>to her Mother</i>). Its own electoral chances⁠——Arthur +is getting quite the manner, isn’t he?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>But</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> <i>does not smile. She has been +brought up on the manner.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Certainly I admit it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>with a shrug</i>). Well!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> And I suppose <em>you</em> admit that Labour is +opposing it just because it spoils <em>its</em> own electoral +chances?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Er—naturally⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with Arthur’s shrug</i>). Well!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Each for himself, and himself for—for himself. +Our motto.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>contemptuously</i>). Exactly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> And rightly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>with conviction</i>). Certainly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> <em>We</em> paint England Blue, and Labour comes +and paints it Red, and the result is the Purple which +suits her. But only if we have the courage to put our +whole hearts into the True Blue. If we begin weakly +dabbing on a sort of purply blue, what’s the result? +Not purple at all, but a dirty red. And nobody wants +that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>interested</i>). Have you ever used that in +the House, Richard? It’s rather good.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>doubtfully</i>). I don’t think so. (<i>Trying +to remember</i>) No, I don’t think so. It would be +better on the platform, I think. It isn’t altogether +sound.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Sound enough.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> For the platform, yes.... Oh, Digby!</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> <i>the butler is there</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Yes, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Mr. Edward Eversley is coming in this +evening. Show him in here.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Yes, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> He’ll probably have coffee.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Very good, sir.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>to his wife</i>). I’m sorry, dear, I meant to +have told you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>trying to place him</i>). Eversley.... Eversley.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> No, you don’t know him. At least, you’ve +met him, I suppose. He was at our wedding.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Oh!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>One gathers that many strange friends of her +husband’s youth were there.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> No, I’m not sure that he was.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> What does he do? (<i>Not that it matters.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> He’s become a great authority on gardens, +I believe. Writes in the papers about them.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>brightening</i>). Oh! We might ask him +down to Drayton. He could help us with the terraces. +Mr. Ferris is so conventional—and so expensive. Not +next week—the week after. No, that won’t do, +because⁠——(<i>She tries to remember.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Have you suddenly found him again, Father, +or has he always been about?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I met him to-day at the Club. He was +lunching with somebody. I hadn’t seen him for +twenty years.... More.... (<i>He is thoughtful.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Twenty years! Almost good enough for a +dinner, I should have thought.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> He was only up from the country for a +night. He hadn’t got any clothes with him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I suppose he has some at home?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I imagine so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Then we’d better make it the 23rd. +That’s the Saturday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>aggressively</i>). Why shouldn’t he dine in a +tweed suit? And anyway, what’s the difference +between dining in a tweed suit and coming in after +dinner in a tweed suit?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> About two hours, Arthur.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). I hardly knew him at first. +He’s gone very grey.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Was he your fag at school, or were you his? +It’s always one or the other.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Neither. We were contemporaries. And +we lived in the same village. He might be a year +older. I forget now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Well, we’ll leave you to talk about the +old days together. Is there a Mrs. Eversley?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes. In the country. There was a son, +I believe. But that was twenty years ago. I don’t +know what’s happened to him; we didn’t get as far +as that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I suppose she’d have to be asked. +(<i>Hopefully</i>) Perhaps she’s an invalid.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> <i>opens the door and announces</i> <span class="allsmcap">EDWARD +EVERSLEY</span>. <i>He is the same age as</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>, +<i>but looks older and greyer. A pleasant, kindly +man, but with the absurd air of being a dear +old gentleman. As boys together</i>, <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> +<i>was his hero, and even now there is something +of that simple boyish admiration and love left +in his eyes</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Mr. Eversley!</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>getting up</i>). Good! You’re just in time for +a glass of port. Let me see, you have met my wife, +haven’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>shaking hands</i>). How do you do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>graciously</i>). How do you do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> You will forgive my clothes, won’t you? +Dick explained to you how it was⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>wondering who Dick is</i>). Dick?... Oh, +my husband, yes! Of course!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>She smiles pleasantly at him. After all, he is going +to do the gardens at Drayton for nothing, and +he may even be a constituent.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> My younger daughter, Freda. My son, +Arthur. (<i>They bow and murmur to each other.</i>) Freda, +you must make room for Mr. Eversley.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>making room</i>). Come on, Mr. Eversley. +We’re longing to hear how you and Father robbed the +apple orchard together, and were chased by the farmer, +and thrashed by the headmaster, and all that sort of +thing.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> <i>and a parlourmaid have come in with coffee, +and glasses for the visitor. The coffee is put +in front of</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span>. <span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> <i>walks round +the table with the port and fills</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY’S</span> +<i>glass</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Don’t be ridiculous, Freda.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>sadly</i>). Alas, there are no such stories. +We were model boys. Your father made a false quantity +once—let me see, that would be in ’88—but otherwise +we gave no trouble at all. (<i>With a smile</i>) Eh, Dick? +(<i>He drinks his port.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>without enthusiasm for the subject</i>). We were +pretty ordinary boys, I expect. Cigars, Arthur.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>handing him a cup</i>). For Freda. You’ll +have coffee?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> No, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Cigar or cigarette?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Neither, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Father?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>taking one</i>). Thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Thank you, Arthur.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Sorry. (<i>He holds out the box to her and takes +one himself, and then goes back to his place.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I hear you’re a great authority on +gardens.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I have a great love for gardens.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Oh!... But you do write about them?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Oh yes, yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> How delightful! Richard, Mr. Eversley +must come down to Drayton—(<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span>) our house +in Sussex—and see the gardens there. It would be +nice, wouldn’t it? (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span>) We’ve been making +some alterations lately. We should value your opinion—and +help.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> That’s very kind of you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>with a gesture of “Not at all”</i>). We must +fix up a week-end. Mrs. Eversley too, if she would +come. <i>(She waits hopefully for an announcement that the +lady is bedridden, but</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> <i>only bows.</i>) That will be +nice.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> You’ll like Drayton, it’s terribly beautiful.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I’m sure I shall.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> You write a great deal, I expect?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Well, yes, about things which interest me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> And know all the editors.... Arthur +wants to write. It’s difficult at first, unless you know +the people. A word in the right ear⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Ah, but which is the right ear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Oh well, of course!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I think I should want to whisper a word +in the ear of Mr. Arthur. “Trust to yourself. Never +mind about introductions. They can’t help you.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with authority, cigar in mouth</i>). Naturally, +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</span>you have to have it in you. Dickens would always be +Dickens, that’s true enough. But human nature being +what it is.... pass the port, Arthur.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> No more, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> And what of your own boy, Eversley? +You have a son, haven’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>gently</i>). Yes, I have a son. I suppose I +should say, “I had a son.” (<i>They all look elaborately +unconcerned.</i>) He was killed in the war.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>shocked</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> My dear fellow, I beg your pardon.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>going on quietly</i>). But you know, we still +say to ourselves, “We have a son.” We still have—what +made him our son—our love and our pride in him—and +we have the sure knowledge that we shall see +him again.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They look at each other, and away from each other, +uncomfortably. Really, the man is being +almost irreligious.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>hastily</i>). Of course, of course!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Was he in the Flying Corps?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> At the end, yes. But he was in the +infantry long enough for me to salute him.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>They all look at him in amazement.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> To—to salute him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Yes. You remember all those +comic pictures at the time—the manager saluting his +clerk—the father saluting his son. Well, we really +did it. I was in his battalion, actually in his company, +as a private when he was a second lieutenant. (<i>He +beams at them proudly.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>with a glance from him to her husband and +back again</i>). But—but however old were you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Oh, not too old in those days. I’ve aged +since. And, you see, my boy was just a little under +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</span>the limit. So he borrowed two years from me, and +that made us both quite happy.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Now you can almost see</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> <i>looking from +that dead boy to her own son, and back again.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Were you in France together?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> In different parts of the line. But we +managed to meet once or twice.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> <em>You</em> were in France?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Yes! Why not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Really in France? At the front? In the +trenches?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> And your boy. How old was he when +war broke out?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>knowing what is coming</i>). Arthur! (<i>To</i> +<span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span>) My dear!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> How old⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>getting up</i>). How extraordinarily interesting, +Mr. Eversley. But you and Richard must have +a great deal to talk about with each other. (<i>They are +all up now</i>) Freda! Arthur! You must bring Mr. +Eversley upstairs before he goes, Richard.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Of course. (<i>He is opening the door for her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Thank you.... Arthur! (<i>Reluctantly +<span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> follows the ladies out.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>As soon as they are alone</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> <i>turns to his +friend.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I say, may I smoke a pipe?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>absently</i>). Of course!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Good! (<i>He fills it.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>still absently</i>). We’ve taken to coming in +here at the nuts and wine stage—an old custom of my +wife’s people.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> They used to do it at Cambridge—the +Dons. Oxford too, I suppose.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes.... It’s my room really.... (<i>Getting +to the point</i>) What you were saying—about the Army—of +course you were younger than I was⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> One day—don’t you remember? (<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> +<i>looks inquiringly at him</i>) Our birthdays? Mine was the +day after yours.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Oh, was that all? I knew you were +younger.... You were lucky to be your own master—free +to join up. I—I was—it was impossible.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> My dear Dick, of course! You were an +important member of the Government, running the war +for us. I was just at your orders.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It was my one regret that my—my +responsibilities prevented me from shouldering a rifle +with—with my friends.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>reflectively</i>). It’s funny how people always +talked about “shouldering” a rifle. You only shoulder +arms in a Rifle Regiment. <em>We</em> sloped ’em. (<i>With a +laugh</i>) There! That’s about all of my soldiering that +I remember now. Funny how it slips away.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>still justifying himself</i>). Arthur was very +anxious to run away from school. Naturally. So +was every boy. He wasn’t actually eighteen +until the last summer.... The war was finishing +then, and I ... it seemed a pity, his last term ... +I arranged⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>helping him out</i>). Tell me about your +children, Dick. Have I seen them all?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> There’s my elder girl. Marjory.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Ah, what about <em>her</em>?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> She married young Robert Harlow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>no wiser</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> The Duke’s second son, you know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Oh!... I am afraid I am very ignorant. +Is there only one Duke?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> In politics, at present, yes. Only one that +matters.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It all helps.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Oh! (<i>With a smile</i>) But it’s no good your +trying to pretend that she married him just so as to +help your political career, Dick.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Not “just so” of course. She’s keen on +politics too. Young Harlow is in the House. It helps +him to have married my daughter; it helps me that +she married <em>him</em>.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Oh! (<i>After a pause</i>) Whom is Miss Freda +marrying?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> She’s only a child. There’s nothing settled.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Is she keen on politics too?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Naturally.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> And the boy? He wants to write?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Every young man of intelligence wants to +write. He’ll get over it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Is he destined for politics too?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Naturally the choice is his. But I imagine +that that’s what he will settle down to directly. He +has great opportunities.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> He has indeed....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). You only had the one boy?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> A pity.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> You believe in the large family, Dick?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>cigar in mouth</i>). Three or possibly four, yes. +Childless marriages in a country like ours—with our +Empire, our responsibilities—well, where should we be +in another hundred years?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>quietly</i>). We were very poor when we were +first married. When my boy was born, we lived in +two rooms. Mary was in one; I was in the other. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</span>The walls are thin in those houses. I realised then that +it was she who was saving the Empire, not I. It was +not for me to say how many children we should have.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Oh, come! A man can’t escape his +responsibilities like that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Where were you, Dick, when your first +child was born?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Well, really! I don’t know that⁠——Let +me see, what year would that be?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>to himself</i>). Ah, then you weren’t in the +other room.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> No, I was down in Liverpool; of course! +My by-election was on. Yes, I remember now. I got +a telegram the evening before polling-day. It was +just in time. I used to tell Arthur that he won the +seat for me. (<i>Blowing out smoke</i>) A little human touch +like that helps enormously at election time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I see.... But of course one can never +be quite certain when an election is coming on.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>taking it literally</i>). No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>keeping the joke to himself</i>). Well, well, you +haven’t much to complain of, Dick. Cabinet Minister! +Prime Minister one day, perhaps.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a shrug</i>). It’s just possible, I suppose.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Who would have guessed it in the old days?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’ve been lucky, of course. And my wife +has helped me enormously.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I am sure she has.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I couldn’t have done it without her. It +is difficult for an outsider, as I was in the early days. +Of course it <em>has</em> been done, but only by very exceptional +people, and I never claimed to be that. She knew +everybody; introduced me to the right people; kept +me in front of them. I suppose you would say that I +played my cards well, but she dealt me the hand.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>to himself</i>). Yes, yes, I think I understand.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a laugh at the absurdity of it</i>). In the +old days, when we were boys, I used to think it was +you who were going to do the big things.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> No, no. It was always you. Don’t you +remember? It was always you who were Nite, and I +was your Squier. Don’t you remember?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>remembering</i>). Yes, Nite, Squier and—Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> And Buteus Maiden.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>he has never quite forgotten</i>). And Buteus +Maiden.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>They are silent for a little.</i>) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>humming to himself</i>). <em>How</em> did it go?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> The War Song of the—what was it?⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> The Dreadnought Knight.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Dreadnought?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> Don’t you remember? She said you were +her Red Cross Knight, and I said you weren’t a Cross, +you were only a Nought—you were a Red Nought +Knight.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That’s right. And <em>I</em> said⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> No, <em>she</em> said⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes. <em>She</em> said I was her Dreadnought +Knight.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He is a little ashamed of all this, but for the first +time you see something of that eager boy who +died twenty-five years ago.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>humming again</i>). How did it go?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>awkwardly; yet, in some unaccountable way, +happy even to be singing it again</i>).</p> + +<div class="poetry-container"> + <div class="poetry"> + <div class="verse indentq">“Half a pound of tuppenny rice,</div> + <div class="verse indent2">Half a pound of treacle,</div> + <div class="verse indent0">That’s the way the money goes—</div> + <div class="verse indent2">Pop goes the weasel!”</div> + </div> +</div> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). That’s it!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Do you remember how I said⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> No, <em>I</em> said⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>after thinking</i>). That’s right. <em>You</em> said that +you didn’t like rice⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> And I was always going to say, “Half a +pound of ham and eggs”⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> And <em>I</em> said that the Squier <em>always</em> had to +sing the same song as the Nite⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> And I said anyhow I would jolly well +<em>think</em> ham and eggs⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>very eagerly</i>). And <em>she</em> said⁠——(<i>He breaks +off suddenly, and there is a little silence.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>gently</i>). Dick, have you—do you ever—have +you ever seen Sally—well, I mean, since we⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>in a low voice</i>). No. Not since⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> That last summer?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>shaking his head</i>). No. I went to +London⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> We both went to London.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I had just been called.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I had just got a job in the City.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Didn’t <em>you</em> ever go down to Enderways +again?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Why not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I was afraid to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> How do you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>awkwardly</i>). I thought I—I thought +you⁠——Of course, a little later, when I met Mary, +I knew that I never had been really in love with Sally, +but I thought I was then, and I thought you—it seemed +to be understood. (<i>To himself</i>) You were her Dreadnought +Knight.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a self-conscious laugh</i>). Just a boy and +girl romance. I—it was impossible. She—we had no +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</span>money. How could we? Better to make a clean +sweep of it all, and begin again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>to himself</i>). So you began again.... And +gradually success closed in on you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>looking at him sharply</i>). What an extraordinary +remark!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>surprised</i>). What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Success “closed in” on you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Did I say that? (<i>With an embarrassed +little laugh</i>) I beg your pardon. I had no idea. No +idea even that I was thinking it. Ridiculous! (<i>After +a pause</i>) She’s married now, you know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>wishing to be done with the subject</i>). I’m +glad.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> But not very happily.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Ah, I’m sorry about that. The Old Man’s +dead long ago, of course?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a laugh</i>). The Old Man. (<i>Tapping his +head</i>) Never quite all there, was he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I don’t think that we used to say that +when we were boys, Dick. Sally didn’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Of course! Her own father!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Unworldly.... Perhaps that’s the same +nowadays as not being quite all there.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> The two of them alone together all those +years in that rambling old house!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>with a chuckle</i>). Hardly alone. We practically +lived there in the holidays.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> What happened to the place?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> She lives there still. That was all he +left her, you know. I think she married to save it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It all seems very long ago.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They sit there silently thinking of the long ago....</i> +<span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> <i>comes in, followed by</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE CAPP</span>, +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</span><i>a stout young man, who tries to hide his extreme +cleverness beneath the make-up of a fool</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Here’s Bertie, Father.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>coming out of the past</i>). Hullo, Bertie. +How are you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>dropping his eye-glass</i>). Pretty well, thanks.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Don’t go too close to him, he’s covered with +eucalyptus.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> A precautionary measure only. The cold +belongs to somebody else. My private microbes⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span>). Do you know Bertie Capp?... +This is Mr. Eversley.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> How are <em>you</em>, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> How do you do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> My private microbes, who distribute gout +and insomnia, are resting for the moment. It’s a hard +life.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> How’s the Prime Minister?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>waving his handkerchief</i>). Like that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>with a face</i>). Oh, put it away, Bertie. I’d +rather have the cold.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I give him two more days in bed. Between +ourselves he likes it there.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span>). Bertie is the P.M.’s P.P.S.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>with a smile</i>). Thank you very much.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> The Prime Minister’s Principal Private +Secretary. In other words, Bertie runs England.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I consult Miss Freda on all the important +points.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span>). Did you want to see me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Well—er⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Come on, Mr. Eversley. We’ll go upstairs.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>). Perhaps I’d better say +good-bye, Dick.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>carelessly</i>). Good-bye. I’ll be seeing you +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</span>again before very long. Talk to my wife about that +week-end.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Thank you, thank you. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span>) +Good-night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Good-night. (<i>He opens the door</i>) I hope I +haven’t given you the Prime Minister’s cold.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>smiling</i>). It would be an honour to have it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Oh well, he’s nearly finished with it. Good-night. +Good-night, Freda, if I don’t see you again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Good-night.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>They go out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>closing the door</i>). Is that the Garden Eversley?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>surprised</i>). Yes. Do you know him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I know his book, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Oh! (<i>With a faint touch of pride</i>) We were +boys together.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> He’s a good bit older than you, isn’t he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>hastily</i>). There was not much in it. +Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>taking a large envelope from his pocket</i>). The +Prime Minister’s compliments, and would you rather +have a Baronetcy or an absolute snip for the 2.30?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>not surprised</i>). Ah! It’s all right, then?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Very much all right. Between ourselves, +it’s a damn good speech. I read it to him. He just +lay there, without a movement. Absorbed.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Asleep, probably.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>candidly</i>). Well, so <em>I</em> thought at first. But +I drank his medicine once by mistake—being a thirsty +sort of speech, I had put a glass of water handy—and +the subsequent noise woke him. I mean it was obvious +he was awake all the time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>unamused</i>). Any comments?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Well, yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> “Clever fellow, Mannock. Er⁠——”</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Go on.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> “Clever fellow, Mannock. He brings to +the obvious such a wealth of reticence that it almost +sounds improper.” Said between coughs and grunts, +you know, it sounded rather good. But I daresay +there isn’t much in it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You have to be obvious on the platform.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Oh, quite.... I say, do you see <cite>The Sunday +Socialist</cite>?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>curtly</i>). Never.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>taking it from his pocket</i>). You haven’t seen +this week’s?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Why should I?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> We take it in, of course. “My attention +has been drawn ...” and all that sort of thing. +(<i>Pointing to the place</i>) There! (<i>As</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>reads</i>) I +thought I’d better bring it along.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>reading</i>). Yes.... Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Once doesn’t matter—you can deny anything +once—but if he’s going to make a habit of it⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>firmly</i>). He is not. (<i>He goes on reading.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Well, I’ll be getting along.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Thanks very much for letting me see this. +Are you going upstairs?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Just for a moment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Perhaps you wouldn’t mind telling Arthur +that I should like to see him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Right. (<i>Going to the door</i>) By the way, +where are you sleeping to-morrow night? Hotel?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>still reading the paper</i>). Carchester’s putting +me up. He’s got some sort of place in the neighbourhood, +I believe.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Ah! I didn’t know that you⁠——(<i>He +hesitates.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> We don’t.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>tolerantly</i>). Oh, well, it takes all sorts to +make a party.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Exactly. This is politics. He’s popular +down there, they say. He’s taking the chair at the +evening meeting.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Oh, quite. Well, good-night and good luck.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Good-night.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He settles down to this damnable article again.</i> +<span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> <i>comes in</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Bertie said you wanted me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>getting up</i>). Yes; sit down, won’t you? +(<span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> <i>sits down</i>) Did you write this? (<i>He gives him +the paper.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>bracing himself for the row that’s coming</i>). Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Ah! Proud of it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Not ashamed of it anyway.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Then you ought to be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> I don’t see why.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> An inflammatory article in a revolutionary +rag⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Papers aren’t rags just because you don’t +agree with their opinions.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> An impertinent article in a revolutionary +rag, charging members of the Government, amongst +them your own Father, with every sort of crime and +folly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>calmly</i>). It just means that I take the +opposite side to you, that’s all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>reading</i>). “There is more here than +political dishonour. There is personal dishonour.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>uncomfortably</i>). Well—I mean⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Thank you, Arthur.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Well, it isn’t <em>my</em> fault you’re a Cabinet +Minister. I happen to be a Socialist⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> A Socialist!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Why not?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>contemptuously</i>). Why not! Have another +cigar? Have another glass of port? A Socialist! +Look at yourself in the glass!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Well, you can’t have it both ways. If I’m +a poor, uneducated devil, you say contemptuously, “Of +course you’re a Socialist; you want my money,” and +if I happen to be well-off and educated, you say contemptuously, +“You a Socialist! Look at yourself in +the glass!” You can’t have it both ways.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I beg your pardon. In fact, I’m not sure +that I ought to be discussing this with you at all. This +article (<i>tapping the paper</i>) is signed “Arthur <em>Selby</em> +Mannock.” I don’t think I know him. Who is he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> That’s not my fault. I suppose⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Your name, I think, is Arthur James +Mannock? Why do you give a false name?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> I signed it “Arthur Mannock.” Of course +it had this address on it. I suppose⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You suppose that the editor, wishing everybody +to know that a Cabinet Minister was being accused +of personal dishonour by his own son, altered it to Selby +Mannock so that there should be no chance of misapprehension.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> I suppose he thought it was a double-barrelled +name. All the papers call you Selby Mannock +as if it were.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>quietly</i>). You know quite well why he did +it. (<span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> <i>is silent</i>.) How many more of these articles +are you writing—from my house?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Well—well, as a matter of fact, they’ve +offered me a job, sort of assistant editor—two fifty—I +could get rooms somewhere—I mean, naturally I want +to. I mean⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a sneer</i>). Assistant editor!... As +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</span>assistant editor it would be your job to see that the +“Selby” didn’t go into your articles⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Naturally⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Or did go in, according as the editor +wished.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Well, of course I should⁠——(<i>His voice +trails away.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They are silent.</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>, <i>realising that he is not +getting much further, decides on a new line of +attack</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a friendly smile</i>). Look here, Arthur, +let’s talk this over reasonably.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> I shall be only too glad to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>charmingly</i>). Well, then, first, thank you +for having kept your temper so well. I’m afraid I’ve +been rather provocative.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Oh, I say, not at all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I do say it. And that’s the trouble, +Arthur. You’ve got such a lot of fine qualities. Brains—more +brains than I have, I fancy⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Oh, rot!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Enthusiasm, good temper, courage⁠——Well, +I mean, how many young men would have dared +to do that? (<i>He waves at the paper.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Oh, I don’t know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> As the Prime Minister said to me the other +day, “That boy of yours will go far.” I know it. But +in which direction?... It’s a funny thing, Arthur, +how so many great political geniuses, writers too, have +started in the wrong direction. Disraeli began as a +Radical, Gladstone as a Tory⁠——It almost seems as +if one false start were necessary before you can get +going. The trouble is that your enemies remember +that false start, and bring it up against you. Happy +the man who has no past, as somebody said. Well, +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</span>that’s what I’m anxious about. You’re preparing a +past for yourself <em>now</em>. I wonder if⁠——You don’t +mind my talking like this?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>interested and flattered</i>). Of course not.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You’re a Socialist. Right. I don’t agree +with your opinions, but that has nothing to do with it. +Now what I’m wondering is⁠——Need you be a <em>public</em> +Socialist for—well, say for a year?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> How do you mean? (<i>With a laugh</i>) I shan’t +change in a year, if that’s what you’re hoping.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>laughing too</i>). I’m afraid you won’t. (<i>With +an air of great seriousness</i>) But frankly, Arthur, old boy, +I’m in a difficulty. I’ve been wanting to make a +suggestion to you for some weeks now, only—I’ve been +afraid.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Afraid?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes, afraid of your refusing it. I’ve preferred +to go on hoping, rather than to close the door +on my hopes by speaking to you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>after waiting for him</i>). Well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> My secretary is leaving me. It puts me +in rather an awkward position.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Which of the many?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Well, naturally I don’t mean at the +Ministry. Reader. (<i>He jerks his head at the door behind +him.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Reader? Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> He’s got a better job in prospect. He’s +been with me a long time, but he’s leaving me at last. +I shall be rather lost without him. Arthur, old boy, I +wish you’d take his place.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>staggered</i>). But⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Three hundred a year I’ll give you. Three +fifty if you want to live out, but I’d rather you didn’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> But I’m—my political opinions⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I know, I know. That’s why I was afraid +to ask you. But couldn’t you manage to keep an open +mind for a year? I want you to see something of the +inside of politics. If at the end of a year, you’re more +of a Socialist than ever, well, what a chance for you! +You’ll be able to expose us properly! You’ll know all +about us! But if I’m lucky enough to win your confidence, +why perhaps one day the proudest moment of +my life will come. Do you know what that will be?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> The moment when I introduce you to the +Speaker in the House of Commons. Arthur Mannock, +M.P. for ——. We can find you a dozen seats.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They sit there, Arthur thinking, Mannock watching +him anxiously.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). It’s really awfully decent of +you, Father.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You see, I want you rather badly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> You’re sure it doesn’t commit me to anything?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>quickly</i>). Not a bit.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> And if, after a year⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Exactly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> And you would absolve me of any charge +of disloyalty, if⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Of course! of course!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>after thinking</i>). Right you are, Father. I’ll +take it on.</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>turns away with a big sigh of relief</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Thank you, old boy. I’m sure you won’t +regret it.... Oh, there’s just one other thing. I shall +keep you pretty busy. Better take a holiday now, +while Reader is still here.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Well⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Hard up?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Fairly.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>smiling</i>). I’ll see to that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> I say, you are a sportsman. Thanks +awfully!</p> + +<p>Mannock. That’s all right. (<i>Dismissing him</i>) Well, I +must go through my speech with Reader.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> That’s to-morrow, isn’t it? At Leeds.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Well, entirely without prejudice +to my political opinions, I hope they won’t throw +anything at you.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He goes.</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>laughs heartily until the door +closes. Then, in a flash, his pleasant manner +disappears. He walks to his desk and picks up +the telephone.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Hullo! Come in, will you? (<i>He sits down +and writes out a cheque. While he is so engaged</i>, <span class="allsmcap">JOHN +READER</span> <i>comes in, a serious young man with the great +virtues of industry and loyalty, but a pathetic lack of anything +else</i>.) Ah, Reader, just wait a moment. Got the +speech?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Yes, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>getting up, cheque in hand</i>). Good. All +right?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> I have verified the dates and the extracts +from other speeches. There was one misquotation from +Wordsworth which I have corrected.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’m not sure that a misquotation isn’t a +good thing sometimes. Some fool is sure to write to +the papers to point it out, and then one writes back +and says that it’s the fault of the reporter or the printer, +and then the reporter writes and says—well, it’s all +publicity.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). You remember what <cite>The +Spectator</cite> said last week—the one member of the +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</span>Cabinet who could be trusted not to bungle a literary +quotation.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes, well, that’s something.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>turning the pages</i>). One or two little angularities +of style I have ventured to⁠——Oh, and then +there’s this passage. This was not in the Prime +Minister’s draft⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>looking over his shoulder</i>). No, it wasn’t, +was it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> You seem to go some way beyond your +colleagues. Of course it’s not for me⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Naturally.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> I just wanted to be sure that there was no +mistake.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> There is no mistake, Reader—at present. +It may be necessary for there to be one later on. I may +find—later on—that I spoke from the wrong draft, in +error. You understand?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Quite so, sir. I thought I would just +mention it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That’s right.... And now, my dear +fellow, I have something to tell you which I cannot +flatter myself will be the distress to you that it is to +me. The fact is that I am unable to avail myself of +your services, your very great services, any longer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>utterly taken aback</i>). You mean that I—that +you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’m afraid so, Reader.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> But what have I—aren’t you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Perfectly satisfied. Oh, it’s not that at +all. I can recommend you with the utmost confidence, +and, in fact, I will make it my business to see that you +are comfortably settled with some one else. But my +son is very anxious to get an insight into politics, and I +have been thinking that the best way—it has been in +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</span>my mind for some weeks, and he is delighted at the +suggestion—the best way would be for him to take +over your duties, and⁠——(<i>Fingering the cheque</i>) In +the circumstances, I have ventured to make this out +for two months’ salary, although I shall only require +your services for one month longer. Here you are, my +dear fellow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>mechanically</i>). That’s very good of you, sir.... +It’s a little awkward—my wife—coming just now—she’s +not—she will be⁠——(<i>Looking at the cheque</i>) Of +course this is very generous of you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Not at all. I owe it to you. But you +understand that I must think of my boy—it is his +desire⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Of course, sir. Naturally that comes first +with you. I only wish—you see, just now my wife⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>holding up his hand</i>). I don’t think, Reader, +that I can be expected⁠——(<i>Reproachfully</i>) I can +hardly be expected⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> No, no, of course not.... Coming just +now—she will be frightened⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I think that both of you will be distressing +yourselves needlessly. There will be no difficulty +whatever about finding you⁠——I will speak to Mr. +Capp to-morrow. Remind me. I fancy that Carfax⁠——</p> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> <i>comes in</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Busy?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>glad of the interruption</i>). Oh no, not at all. +(<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">READER</span>) Then that’s understood. I will speak +to-morrow to Mr. Capp. I think Carfax is the man. +(<i>Taking the speech from him</i>) Thank you. Good-night, +Reader.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>a trifle dazed</i>). Good-night, sir. Good-night, +Lady Jane.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Good-night. (<i>He goes out.</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> +<i>sits down gracefully</i>. <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>stands at the fireplace, +turning over the pages of his speech</i>) Arthur tells me he’s +coming to you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I’m glad.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You heard what he’d been doing?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes. Silly boy.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> He didn’t realise—and I didn’t tell him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> The least thing might make the difference +now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Bertie tells me that C. J. is going to +the Lords almost at once.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I thought you knew.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Not definitely. I suppose Mowbray will +be Chancellor of the Exchequer?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Sure to be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Bertie seemed to think it wasn’t +absolutely settled yet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> The Duke doesn’t like Mowbray, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> No.... It’s all been so sudden. We +haven’t had time to do anything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> C. J. has been breaking up for months.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes, but not publicly before. He might +easily have lasted another year.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Suppose it <em>is</em> Mowbray, who’ll have the +Admiralty? (<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>shrugs his shoulders</i>.) Would <em>you</em> +take it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>not sure</i>). What do you think?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes, that’s what I feel.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> “Too devoted to your present work,” +and so on. That always sounds well with the public.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes. (<i>They smile faintly at each other, and +are silent, both thinking....</i>) Eversley gone?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> What did you do about that week-end?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Left it vague. Said I’d write.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>relieved</i>). Ah! Then, in that case, I think +perhaps⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> So do I.... It’s always a mistake—trying +to get back.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes.... Bertie knew about him. The +Garden Eversley.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>surprised</i>). Oh?... Oh! (<i>meaning that, of +course, that makes a difference</i>) ... Oh, then perhaps⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>shaking his head</i>). I think I would rather—He’s +a little disturbing.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> They always are—coming in suddenly +from outside like that. Particularly when⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>wishing to be fair</i>). He was the Vicar’s son, +I was the Doctor’s.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Oh, <em>then</em>, yes.... (<i>She gets up</i>) Shall +I see you in the morning?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I don’t expect so. I have a fairly early +train. There are the two meetings.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes.... Leeds might make a difference.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It might.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I suppose Mowbray <em>is</em> a certainty?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a shrug</i>). He may not last long.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> If only we had seen it coming.... +Bertie doesn’t think much of him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Bertie, no.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Bertie counts for a good deal with the +Prime Minister.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Up to a point, yes. Not beyond.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Still—(<i>she is silent for a little and then says</i>) +I sometimes wonder if Freda—(<i>and is silent again</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It would help, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes.... Good-night. (<i>She holds up her +cheek and he kisses it carelessly.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Good-night. (<i>She goes out—to</i> <span class="allsmcap">FREDA’S</span> +<i>room, we may be sure.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>glances at his speech, spreads it out on the +desk beside him, puts on his glasses, and with +a final glance at the opening, stands up and +delivers it.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Mr. Chairman, my lords, ladies and +gentlemen. In coming before you to-night at this great +crisis in our political affairs, when, not for the first time +in her eventful history our country stands at the parting +of the ways, I am conscious—(<i>He glances at the speech +and corrects himself</i>)—I am not unconscious—I am not +unconscious of a certain pride in the knowledge that it +is before my own good friends of Yorkshire—my own +people, as I must always think of them—that I am +privileged to plead my cause. I was born on Yorkshire +soil, I was nurtured through youth to early manhood +in the bosom of your hills. Memories of my boyhood +come back to me as I stand here to-night ... memories +of those happy days return to me (<i>And quite unexpectedly, +just for a moment, they do. He breaks off, and +says in a whisper</i>) Those happy days.... (<i>He is at +Enderways now. There, armed to the teeth, march</i> <span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> +<i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span>; <i>there, waiting to be rescued</i>, sits the <span class="allsmcap">BUTEUS +MAIDEN</span>. <i>Now it is</i> <span class="allsmcap">DICK</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">TEDDY</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span>. <i>“Sally!” +With a jerk he comes awake again, and hurries back to +Leeds</i>) And so, ladies and gentlemen, in delivering my +message to you to-night—speaking as I do, not only for +myself, but for the Government which I have the honour +to represent.... (<i>And so on. We can always read it in +“</i><cite>The Times</cite><i>.”</i>)</p> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</span></p> + + + <h3 class="nobreak fnormal fs125 word-sp" id="ACT_II_2"> + ACT II</h3> + +</div> +<h4 class="hidden">Scene 1</h4> + +<p class="center noindent fs115 p1b phalft" id="act2_scene1_success"><span class="smcap">Scene 1</span>: <i>Enderways, Yorkshire</i></p> + + +<p class="hanging"><i>It was known as Dick’s room in the old days, so perhaps +we may still call it that. For a small boy, home for +his holidays, it was all very well, this exciting nest in +the roof, but it is terrible to think that a Cabinet +Minister is now expected to sleep there.</i></p> + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>The room is empty at first, and in darkness. Then we +hear a voice outside, and</i> <span class="allsmcap">LORD CARCHESTER</span> <i>opens the +door and puts the light on for us. So we get our one +glimpse of him—Sally’s husband; a big, easy-going, +easy-moralled, rather battered man-of-the-world, who, +as usual with him at this time of the night, has had +just enough to drink and means to have one or two more.</i></p> + + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER</span> (<i>outside</i>). Wait a moment. I’d better go +first and put the light on. (<i>He does so, and makes way +for</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>) There you are.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>coming in</i>). Thanks. (<i>He sees the room</i>) By +Jove!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER</span> (<i>for the tenth time</i>). I really do apologise, +but Sally insisted on it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>impatiently</i>). My dear Carchester, of course! +(<i>To himself</i>) Of course she did.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER.</span> Said you would understand.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I understand.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He is still looking, looking at the room, drinking it +in. The years are dropping off him.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER.</span> Never argue with a woman. I’ve learnt +that—(<i>the man-of-the-world laughs</i>)—if I’ve learnt nothing +else.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>carelessly</i>). I shall be quite all right here, +thanks. (<i>He wants to be alone with the memories of the +room.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER</span> (<i>sitting down on the bed</i>). Funny your +turning out to be an old friend of Sally’s like this.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> We were boy and girl together. I used +to stay here in the holidays. (<i>With a deep sigh of +remembrance</i>) This was my room.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER.</span> Ah well, then, that accounts for it. +Still, why not be comfortable in a decent room when +you can? (<i>He sinks into somnolence, rousing himself a +moment to say sleepily</i>) That was a damn good speech +you made.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>is not listening to his host; it is the room +which is calling to him. He goes quickly to the +window, to the cupboard, finding, remembering, +missing. Suddenly he bends down, and turns +back a corner of the carpet.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Hullo!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER</span> (<i>waking up with a start</i>). What’s the +matter?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>accusingly</i>). There used to be a rat-hole +here. It’s been boarded up.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER.</span> Good Lord, what do <em>you</em> do to rat-holes? +(<i>He settles down to sleep again. But not for +long.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>severely</i>). That bed ought to be over here!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER</span> (<i>dimly feeling that it is his fault</i>). I beg +your pardon, I didn’t—(<i>he tries to rise in apology, but +sinks back again.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Up against the wall.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He goes to the wall suddenly and taps; a peculiar +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</span>rhythmic series of taps, just above where the +bed used to be.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER.</span> Hullo!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>coming to himself with an apologetic laugh</i>). +Who sleeps there now?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER.</span> The staff. I dunno. P’raps it’s the +cook. (<i>Wagging his head in reproof</i>) Too old, Mannock, +my boy. Too stout.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>turns away in disgust. Then he goes +back to the wall, and begins to talk, looking +at</i> <span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER</span>, <i>but seeing only himself as a +boy, thirty-five years ago</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That was the signal. That meant “I want +to talk to you.” Then we talked to each other through +the wall. One tap for A, two for B, and so on, spelling +out messages. Oh, for hours sometimes ... just +making up things to say ... plans for to-morrow ... +wonderful plans for to-morrow ... adventures which +never quite happened. “G” meant “Good-bye”—if +one sent it, the other had to stop and go to sleep. +“G.D.” meant “Good-bye, dear”—that was when we +had had a specially happy day together. Then, in the +morning, the first one awake sent the signal. If the +other one answered it, the first one sent “S.W.”—that +meant “Shall we?” Shall we get up? “Y” for +“Yes,” and we’d race each other to be first down on +that old broken wall in the Wilderness.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He stops; he is racing to be first down</i>; <span class="allsmcap">SALLY’S</span> +<i>door flies open; she has the start of him. She +can run—how she can run!—but he will catch +her</i> ... <span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER</span> <i>breaks in on his vision</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER.</span> A damn good speech. (<i>He yawns</i>) And +mind you, I know what I’m talking about, because I +was awake practically all the time. (<i>He struggles to his +feet</i>) I say, what about another spot of whisky?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>curtly</i>). No, thanks.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER.</span> Just a little baby spot? You won’t? +Well, I will. Quite sure you’re all right here?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes, thanks.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER</span> (<i>getting to the door</i>). Well then, g’night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Good-night.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">CARCHESTER</span> (<i>after thought</i>). G’night. (<i>He opens the +door, and then turns round with the air of one having a +message to deliver. He delivers it.</i>) G’night. (<i>He goes.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>is alone with his room; alone with a +thousand ghosts, a thousand memories; most of +them happy ones, bringing a smile to his face; all +of them tearing at that solemn mask of success in +which, for so many years, he has hidden himself. +You can see the mask falling from him, +you can see those years dropping away....</i></p> + +<p><i>He takes off his coat and waistcoat and puts on a +dressing-gown; takes off his shoes and puts on +bedroom slippers. Then he sits on the bed, +still smiling at his thoughts. He swings his +feet up and puts his head back on the pillows, +looking up at the well-remembered ceiling. He +gives a deep sigh, and just breathes the word +“Sally!” Sleepily he puts his hand up to +the wall and gives that rhythmic knock. There +is no answer; it is the wrong wall; it was +a thousand years ago. But, still sleepily, he +taps out G.D., “Good-bye, dear, God be with +you, dear.” Then his hand, coming down from +the wall, feels the electric switch. With the +happy sigh of one on the very threshold of sleep, +he turns off the light ... and the thousand +ghosts, who have been waiting for him, rush +thronging into his dreams....</i></p> +</blockquote> + +<hr class="tb"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</span></p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging"><i>Listen! Very faint, very far-off, a tune is coming—the +War Song of the Dreadnought Nite ... +Pom-perom-perompity-pom....</i></p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>Now it comes again, clearer, louder ... Pom-perom-perompity-pom....</i></p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>Now the</i> <span class="allsmcap">DREADNOUGHT NITE</span> <i>is here; here too is his +faithful</i> <span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span>.... <i>Pom-perom-perompity-pom.... +A whole orchestra of sound.</i></p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>Listen! It is only a child’s trumpet.... And—see!—there +are the children. For it is light +now, and we can see where we are. Yet, even +so, we are not quite certain. For there is the +bed with</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>(is it?) still lying there, but +there also is that overgrown, tangled corner of +the Wilderness, and the broken wall where</i> <span class="allsmcap">DICK</span> +<i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> <i>used to meet</i>.</p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>“Pom-perom-perompity-pom.” It is the faithful</i> +<span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> <i>who has the trumpet</i>. <span class="allsmcap">NITE</span>, <i>in a paper +cap, and with a martial sword in hand, leads +the way</i>. <span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span>, <i>a toy gun hung round him, +follows tooting</i>....</p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>Enough, however, of toots. Let</i> <span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> <i>give tongue</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>singing lustily</i>).</p> + +<div class="poetry-container"> + <div class="poetry"> + <div class="verse indent0">Half a pound of tuppenny rice,</div> + <div class="verse indent2">Half a pound of treacle,</div> + <div class="verse indent0">That’s the way the money goes—</div> + <div class="verse indent2">Pop goes the weasel!</div> + </div> +</div> +<p class="noindent"> Come on, Squier!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span></p> + +<div class="poetry-container"> + <div class="poetry"> + <div class="verse indent0">Half a pound of ham and eggs,</div> + <div class="verse indent2">Half a pound of treacle—</div> + <div class="verse indent0">That’s the way—</div> + + </div> +</div> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> That’s <em>not</em> the way! It’s “tuppenny rice.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). You know I <em>always</em> say ham +and eggs, Nite!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Well, what’s the good of being my Squier, if +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</span>you don’t sing the same as me? Squiers <em>always</em> sing +the same as Nites.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> <em>Sally</em> said⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>seeing</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>). Hullo! Here’s an old, dead +gentleman.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Oughtn’t I to salute him? (<i>He unslings his +gun.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>sternly</i>). Wait till I give the order. Now then, +Squier, shun! Shoulder—<em>arms</em>! (<span class="smcap">Squier</span> <i>slopes</i>) That’s +not shouldering arms, stupid, that’s sloping.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> That’s all the shouldering you’ll get. +(<i>Proudly</i>) We don’t shoulder in <em>our</em> regiment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Then you can jolly well take a month’s notice, +and I shall engage an entirely new Squier. (<span class="smcap">Squier</span> +<i>salutes, walks away a few paces and comes back again</i>.) +Are you an entirely new Squier?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>saluting</i>). Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Then I shall give you 350 a year.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> 350 what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Oh, I dunno. Stand easy. (<i>Kindly</i>) You can +look at the old gentleman if you like.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>looking</i>). Is he a <em>very</em> old gentleman, Nite?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Not so tremendous. About 25 or 50 or something.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Is he dead?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Oh, a long time ago, I should think. Just as +dead as dead.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Then I shall sing to him. (<i>Singing</i>) “Half +a pound⁠——”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>sitting up</i>). I’m not dead. I’ve heard every +word you’ve been saying.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span>). He says he isn’t dead.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Ask him if he can sing.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Can you sing?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Rather!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> All right, sing!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> “Half a pound of tuppenny rice, half a +pound of treacle⁠——”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>triumphantly</i>). There you are, Squier!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>wistfully</i>). I always say “Ham and eggs.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>shaking his head</i>). Wrong!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> There you are, Squier!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>sadly</i>). I don’t like rice.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Ah, but wait till you try the tuppenny +sort. Whew!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Is that a bit better?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Ever so much.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Oh! (<i>Humbly</i>) Still, I think I’ll go on +saying ham and eggs, if you don’t mind very much.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Right!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>pointing to</i> <span class="allsmcap">SQUIER’S</span> <i>trumpet</i>). That’s his loot, +what he plays on.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>proudly</i>). I got it at the sack of Jerusalem.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> When there’s a sack on, there’s always a lot +of loots. Almost everybody gets one. I lost mine. +(<i>Carelessly</i>) Don’t mind, because a Nite has such a lot +of fighting to do, he can’t bother about loots. I say, +where’s the Buteus Maiden?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That’s just what I was going to ask <em>you</em>.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> I’m going to shout for her. Shall we shout +for her, Nite?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Yes, let’s shout for her.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> All together. One, two, three⁠——<em>Buteus +Maiden</em>!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>apologetically</i>). I don’t expect she heard.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Perhaps she’s being Sleeping Beauty, and is +waiting for Nite to kiss her.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>rather hot and red</i>). Shut up, Squier.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Well, <em>I</em> shall try calling “Sally.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Yes, let’s call Sally.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ALL.</span> Sally! Sally! Sally!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BUTEUS MAIDEN.</span> Here I am!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>And here she is. Only ten at the moment, but as +sweet, as precious, as daintily dignified, as our +Sally when she grew up.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>rushing to her—even then she was everything to +him</i>). Oh, Sally, you <em>have</em> been a long time. We’ve found +an old, dead gentleman to play with us.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). I’m not dead! I’m not dead!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Yes, you are. Isn’t he, Squier?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> I thought he was at first. And then I +thought p’raps he wasn’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>almost in tears</i>). I’m <em>not</em> dead. I shan’t +play if he says I’m dead.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN.</span> Do play! Then that will show you’re not.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’m a very important, successful man.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> I saw at once he was a very important, +successful man, so that’s what made me think he was +all dead. (<i>Kindly</i>) But p’raps he isn’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>doggedly</i>). I’m <em>not</em> dead.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Yes, he is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">NITE</span>). Dear, if he says he isn’t dead, I +don’t think it would be kind not to believe him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> We can pretend he isn’t, anyhow.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">NITE</span>). Please, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>magnanimously</i>). All right, we’ll pretend you’re +alive, and see how you get on.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>humbly</i>). Thank you very much.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>moving him</i>). Now you just stand there, out of +the way. What shall we be, Squier?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> I think—I think⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> I know! We’ll be Three Suitors. Sally, you +sit over there⁠——We’ll be Three Suitors, Squier.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>wistfully</i>). I suppose I shan’t be the <em>Third</em> +Suitor?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> No, <em>I’ll</em> be⁠——(<i>Impatiently</i>) Sally, why +don’t⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>sitting down</i>). Here I am, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>). What would you like to be? +You could be another Squier, if you like, (<span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> +<i>looks sadly at the Buteus Maiden</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>gently</i>). There couldn’t be more than one +Squier, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>hopefully</i>). Could I be a Lord of High +Degree?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>doubtfully, to</i> <span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span>). Could he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’m a Right Honourable, really.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> That’s an <em>awful</em> thing to be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>humbly</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Couldn’t he just be a wight or a varlet or +something?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> A wight of low renowne! A wight of low +renowne! That’s what he is. Isn’t he, Sally?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN.</span> If you like, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Thank you very much.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Now, Squier goes first. We’re all Suitors, and +Squier goes first. Go on, Squier. (<i>In a whisper to</i> +<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>) You go next.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> <i>slopes his gun, makes a long detour of the +castle walls, and arrives at the Great Gate. +He pulls an imaginary bell.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Bom! Bom! Bom! (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>) That’s +the bell ringing inside to summon the agéd Seneschal. +Go on, Squier.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> What ho, within!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>as Seneschal</i>). What ho, without!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Open the door, thou scurvy bald-pate!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> What name, please?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Faithful Squier. I am come to pay attentions +to thy mistress, the Buteus Maiden.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Not at home.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Have a care, agéd man, lest I carve thee to +the brisket! (<i>He pushes past the</i> <span class="allsmcap">SENESCHAL</span> <i>into the</i> +<span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN’S</span> <i>presence</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>turning to him</i>). Who seeks me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> It is I, thy faithful Squier, who loves thee.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN.</span> Alas!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> If thou wilt wed with me, I will give thee +a golden castle, two palfreys, a box of fireworks and—and—lots +of things.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>drooping</i>). I want none of these things.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Oh!... Not even a box of fireworks?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER.</span> Oh! (<i>He salutes</i>) Good-bye! (<i>He retreats.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Well done, Squier!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span>, <i>rather pleased with himself, lies down and +rests</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>kindly</i>). Dear Squier. (<i>She resumes her +character.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>). Now then, Low Renowne, it’s +your turn.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>confidently</i>). Right! (<i>He marches up to the +castle gate and pulls the bell. There is dead silence. He +pulls it again. Still there is silence. He looks round, a +little alarmed, at</i> <span class="allsmcap">NITE</span>) This bell doesn’t ring! (<span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> +<i>laughs loudly</i>. <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>rings it again, vigorously, but +with no effect. He turns round to</i> <span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> <i>again</i>) I say⁠——(<i>But</i> +<span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> <i>have vanished. He calls out loudly, +frightened</i>) I say! (<i>There is no answer. The</i> <span class="allsmcap">BUTEUS +MAIDEN</span> <i>still waits silent</i>. <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>suddenly drops the bell, +and attempts to push his way into the castle, but</i> <span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span>, +<i>the immaculate butler, bars the way</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Yes, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Open the door, thou scurvy bald-pate.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> (<i>coldly</i>). What name, please?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Wight of Low Renowne.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Then it’s no good your hanging about here. +Only people of high renown, successful people, are +allowed in <em>this</em> house.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Have a care, agéd man, lest I carve thee +to the brisket.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> (<i>calmly</i>). Those are my instructions. Her ladyship +is not at home to <em>any</em> of her husband’s old friends. +Mr. Selby Mannock says he might perhaps give you a +job in the garden, if you come round to the back door.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>desperately</i>). But—but I’ve come to see the +Buteus Maiden!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> (<i>contemptuously</i>). Dressed like that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You don’t understand. I’ve just come up +from the country for a day. (<i>He turns round</i>) Nite, +how <em>can</em> I play this game if⁠——(<i>But</i> <span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> <i>is not there; +and when he turns back</i>, <span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> <i>has vanished. He rings the +bell again</i>. <span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> <i>appears</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span>. Name, please.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Wight of Low Renowne.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>coldly</i>). I don’t think I know him. Who +is he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I—I don’t⁠——It was Nite, who⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> <em>Your</em> name, I think, is Richard Selby +Mannock?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Y—Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Then why do you give a false name? It +only leads to misapprehension.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I want to see the Buteus Maiden.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Dressed like that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I—I⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Look at yourself in the glass! A wight of +low renowne! Have a glass of port! Have a cigar! +A wight of low renowne!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>turning round</i>). Nite! I can’t get in! +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</span>People keep stopping me! (<i>He turns back.</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> <i>has +gone. He rings the bell.</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE CAPP</span> <i>is there</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Name, please.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Selby Mannock—I mean Wight of Low—(<i>pathetically</i>) +I don’t know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I thought perhaps it was the Chancellor of +the Exchequer?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> N—no, I don’t think so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> What a pity! Couldn’t you work it somehow? +Pull a few strings? Talk to the Duke? Square +an editor? I’m sure, if you had a little time, you +could think of something. Ask the Archbishop of +Canterbury to dinner! Invent a scandal about Mowbray! +Intrigue a bit! Surely you can do <em>something</em>!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I—I want to see the Buteus Maiden.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Dressed like that? Without the Chancellor’s +robes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I <em>must</em> speak to her! I want to tell her⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> You know, that was a damn good speech of +yours. The Prime Minister knows what he is talking +about, and he was awake practically all the time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Let me in! I must get in!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I don’t know what the Prime Minister will +say. You see, Eversley—the Garden Eversley—has +just given him a month’s notice, and the Chancellor of +the Exchequer⁠——But, of course, if I were to marry +Freda, we should keep it in the family. It all helps.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>despairingly</i>). Nite, Squier, where are you? +(<i>He pulls the bell again. To his surprise it rings—or is +it the</i> <span class="allsmcap">BUTEUS MAIDEN</span> <i>saying “Bom, bom, bom”? He +takes a step forward, and is there at last—at her feet.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>turning to him</i>). Who seeks me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Er—er—(<i>but he can say nothing</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>leaning to him</i>). Tell me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>struggling desperately to tell her</i>). Er—er—(<i>and +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</span>behold! Reader, his secretary, is prompting him</i>) +Mr. Chairman, my lords, ladies and gentlemen!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>turning away in disappointment</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>longing to say just the one word “Sally”—and +then, “Sally, I love you!” but Reader won’t have it</i>). +Mr. Chairman, my lords, ladies and gentlemen!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>sadly</i>). Have you nothing more to say to me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>after another desperate struggle</i>). Mr. Chairman, +my lords, ladies and gentlemen!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>knowing that it is hopeless</i>). Alas! he hath +a sickness!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>And now, suddenly</i>, <span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> <i>have him by +the arms, and are leading him away</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> That’s not the way, is it, Squier?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>sadly</i>). I s’pose he <em>must</em> have been dead all +the time.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> <em>I’ll</em> show you! Now you watch <em>me</em>! (<i>He walks +bravely up to the</i> <span class="allsmcap">BUTEUS MAIDEN</span>. <i>No door-bells, no +parleyings for him.</i>) Buteus Maiden, I would speak +with thee.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN.</span> Who seeks me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> It is I, thy love-lorn Nite.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>wistfully</i>). What wouldst thou, Nite?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Fain would I marry thee.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN.</span> Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> No jewels do I bring thee; no golden palaces +do I offer thee; only⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>whispering</i>). Only⁠——?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">NITE.</span> Only my love and my faithful service.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MAIDEN</span> (<i>getting down off the wall and giving him her +hand</i>). Then do I plight thee my troth.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He goes on one knee to her and kisses her hand. +Then, her arm in his, he marches out of the +castle, followed by the faithful</i> <span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span>, <i>who +plays the War Song of the Dreadnought Nite</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>as they go</i>). Don’t go! Don’t go! (<i>But +they go</i>) Sally! Sally!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>popping back</i>). Tell her it’s Dick calling. +(<i>He hurries back after the others.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Sally! Where are you? It’s Dick! (<i>He +goes from one side to the other, calling</i> “Sally!” <i>and +then</i> “It’s Dick!” <i>And as he comes back to the castle, +there she is, sitting on the wall in just the same attitude as +that child Sally—and as beautiful, as dear. Nineteen, +twenty; and</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>, <i>seeing her, is himself no older, so +eagerly his face lights up</i>.) Ah, Sally, Sally! (At last +he has found her again.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Here I am, Dick.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Where have you been? I’ve been looking +for you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Just down by the river.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>jealously</i>). What were you doing?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Just sitting in the buttercups, looking at the +river.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Is that all?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>nodding</i>). That’s all, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). Did you look at yourself in +the river, Sally?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>nodding</i>). Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a deep sigh</i>). Oh, Sally! (<i>There is so +much that he cannot say, that words cannot express. She +cannot help him now. She waits, tremulous</i>) Sally, listen! +(<i>She is listening. He taps the signal. She nods. Then he +sends “I.” She nods again</i>) Did you get that?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> What was it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> “I.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That’s right. That’s all the word.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>to herself</i>). Dick.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Listen! (<i>He taps “L.” She nods.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>so gently</i>). “L.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That’s right. (<i>He taps “O.” She nods.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>as gently</i>). “O.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes. (<i>He taps “V.” When he gets as far +as “U,” he pauses a moment, his hand up.</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> <i>is +waiting breathlessly. With a smile he makes it “V”; +out comes her deep sigh of relief; she laughs back at him.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>nodding</i>). “V.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Did you think it would be “V,” Sally?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>shyly</i>). I wondered if it might be “V.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>tapping “E”</i>). There!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> “Love!” (<i>She looks straight in front of her +seeing—who shall say what?</i>) “I love⁠——”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I haven’t finished yet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>softly</i>). No, you haven’t finished yet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Shall I do the alphabet backwards for this +letter?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Does it come at the end of the alphabet?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It does come rather at the end, Sally.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>with a deep sigh of happiness</i>). I think I’d +like you to do it forward, Dick. (<i>Gently</i>) To make it +longer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> All right. (<i>He taps “Y.”</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Breathlessly, her chin up, her eyes all love</i>, <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> +<i>is counting</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>certain now</i>). Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Did you know it would be “Y,” Sally?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>ever so softly</i>). I think I knew, Dick.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Did you—did you want it to be “Y,” +Sally?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Oh, I wanted it to be “Y”!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> (<i>holding out his arms to her</i>). Oh, Sally, +Sally, I love you! Could you ... do you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>nodding</i>). Always, dearest, always.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Sally!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</span></p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>If it were real, he would have her in his arms now, +but it is a dream, insubstantial.</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> <i>and</i> +<span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> <i>are there suddenly, between them. They +each have an arm of</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK’S</span>, <i>and are +marching him away; yet talking to each other +across him, as if he were not there</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> As I said to the Prime Minister, the more +these things are kept in the family, the better.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> That’s just what Father said, when Marjory +married Robert.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> It will be useful for me, my wife being the +Chancellor’s daughter, and it will be useful for your +Father, his daughter being married to the Prime +Minister’s secretary.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Exactly, Bertie. It all helps.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They have let go of</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>, <i>and are now arm-in-arm, +but still talking as if he had never been +there</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> In these days, we must stick together, or +where are we?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Exactly! Where <em>are</em> we?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>And they are gone. But, alas!</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> <i>is gone +too</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Sally! Where are you?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He hurries from one side to the other, calling for +her. But it is</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span>, <i>as old as when we +last saw him, who appears</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>turning round with a shout of welcome</i>). +Teddy!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I beg your pardon?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>coming closer</i>). I’m sorry, sir—you looked +much younger—I thought at first⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Not at all. Very charming of +you to think so. You live here, I suppose?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>charmingly boyish</i>). I’m staying here. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</span>Teddy and I stay here in the vac. sometimes. We’re +up at Cambridge. At least, we’ve just come down.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>smiling</i>). And what are you going to do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’m going to the Bar. But—(<i>shyly</i>) I want +to write.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You see, you don’t get much money at +the Bar, and I <em>must</em> have <em>some</em>, because you see—you +see, Sally and I—we’ve just got engaged.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Oh, youth, youth! Bliss was it in that +dawn to be alive. But to be young was very heaven!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Only between ourselves, you know. We +shan’t tell anybody until I’m making a living.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I shan’t say a word—except just to myself +sometimes, “Bless them.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>shyly</i>). I say, thanks awfully. Sally would +love that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Perhaps I shall be able to give you a hand +later on. I write too. I daresay I could introduce +you—a word in the right ear⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I say, that’s awfully decent of you. I +don’t suppose I’m much good. But it’s fun.... It <em>is</em> +fun, isn’t it? I mean being alive ... and trying ... +and wondering ... and having somebody else who +wonders too.... Oh, what a lot there is in the world +that nobody knows anything about! All the lovely +things! All the precious things! (<i>Ashamed suddenly</i>) +I say, I’m awfully sorry—talking such rot⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Keep on looking for the lovely things.... +And bless you both.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>off</i>). Edward!</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>looks up at the voice</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> There she is!</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> <i>comes on in full evening dress</i>.) +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Ah, there you are, Edward!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</span></p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>gazes at her, struggling with horrible +memories</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Here I am, my dear. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>) This +is my wife, Lady Jane.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>to himself</i>). <em>His</em> wife! (<i>He draws a deep +breath of relief</i>) How do you do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>casually</i>). How do you do? Are we +ready, Edward?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Yes, my dear.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They turn and go off together, talking loudly to +each other as if</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>were not there</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Who is he?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Just a nice young man.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> He looks as if he had possibilities. Ask +him to Drayton, if you like. He might do. (<i>They are +gone.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>still looking for her</i>). Sally, where <em>are</em> you?... +Sally!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">NITE</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> <i>march across, singing the Dreadnought +war song</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SQUIER</span> (<i>as they disappear</i>). Say it’s Dick calling.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>. Sally! Where are you? It’s Dick!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>And there she is, on her wall again, just as if she +had never gone.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Here I am, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>rushing to her</i>). Oh, Sally, I’ve had the most +awful dream! I dreamed—just for a moment—I was +married to—to somebody else. It was horrible. And +then I couldn’t find you, and—Oh, Sally, it <em>is</em> you, isn’t +it? Say it’s you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>nodding</i>). It is, dearest, it is. Never mind +the dream.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It couldn’t happen, could it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>trembling</i>). Oh it couldn’t, it couldn’t.... +Oh, if it did!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>comforting her</i>). It couldn’t, Sally. It will +always be you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> It was always you. From the very first. +Those dear, silly games we played as children—do you +remember?⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I remember.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> I think I <em>liked</em> Teddy better—(<i>doubtfully</i>) +I think he was <em>nicer</em>, Dick—(<i>hurriedly</i>) Oh no, no, he +wasn’t⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> He was. I was a little beast.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> You weren’t, you weren’t. It was always +you.... I loved Teddy; I love him now; it’s sort +of friendly, loving <em>him</em>. But you were different. It’s +sort of terrible, loving <em>you</em>, Dick. You’re right in my +heart, so twined that it can hardly beat without hurting +me. You can’t go now; not unless you tear my heart +out too.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’m happy being in your heart.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> It was always you. I used to say to myself +when we were children, “Squier’s heaps nicer, <em>really</em>”—(<i>nodding</i>) +Yes, he was—but Squier couldn’t hurt me. +Only you could hurt me. I think that was how I knew +that I loved you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I won’t hurt you, darling. Never again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>wistfully, wondering at his innocence</i>). Oh, my +dear!... (<i>Very gently</i>) If you stop hurting me, I +have stopped loving you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>softly</i>). I will stay in your heart.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>putting her hands to her heart</i>). You are all that +I have there.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They are silent together.... Very faintly the +War Song of the Dreadnought Nite is heard.</i> +<span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> <i>stands up</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Come, dearest.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I come, my beautiful.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Into the world, for whatever the world may +send, but always together.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Always together, my lovely.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>They begin to move, but are held there. It is a +deputation arriving. The War Song grows +louder, as all the people of</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK’S</span> <i>dream +file in. Now they are between</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> <i>and her +lover. She calls to him with her eyes, “Come, +dearest,” but he cannot.... She is gone.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! The Chancellor of +the Exchequer will now put on his robe of office.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>The deputation solemnly presents</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>with +the robe and departs with dignity</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Half a moment, Sally, I must just put +this on. (<i>He struggles into it</i>) Sally! (<i>He looks up, still +struggling. She is not there</i>) Wait a moment, Sally! +(<i>He struggles</i>) Sally, I must get this on! Don’t you +understand, dear?... (<i>Frightened</i>) Sally! Wait for +me! (<i>Desperately</i>) Sally!... Sally!⁠——</p> + +<p class="right"> + (<i>But he has lost her.</i>) +</p> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</span></p> + + + <p class="center noindent fs125 word-sp phalfb"> + ACT II + </p> +</div> + +<h4 class="hidden">Scene 2</h4> + +<p class="center noindent fs115 p1b phalft" id="act2_scene2_success"><span class="smcap">Scene 2</span>: <i>A Corner of the Wilderness</i></p> + + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>It is early morning, perhaps seven o’clock, in that corner of +the Wilderness which we have already seen in</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK’S</span> +<i>dream. On the wall sits</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span>, <span class="allsmcap">LADY CARCHESTER</span>, <i>a +woman in the forties now, but still our</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span>. <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>, +<i>seeking the fresh air after a restless night, his dream +still strong upon him, comes suddenly upon her</i>.</p> + + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a shout</i>). Sally! Oh, my darling! +(<i>And then he realises suddenly</i>) I beg your pardon! (<i>He +is staggered at what he has said.</i>) I—I beg your pardon, +Lady Carchester. Please forgive me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>smiling sadly</i>). It’s all right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’m really⁠——What can you think? +My only excuse—but I’m ashamed to give it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Please tell me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a laugh</i>). It’s absurd. (<i>Then he tells +her</i>) I dreamt last night—the most vivid, absurd—(<i>softly</i>) +the most wonderful dream. You and I—here; +first as children, then—afterwards. Sometimes I seemed +to be looking on at myself; in some funny way there +were two of me. Sometimes you were a child, sometimes +you were grown up. But always it was you and +I. Other people came in; everybody; you know how; +but always you and I. Here. Just where you are +sitting now—just where, just how, you always used to +sit.... And then I woke up and came out here—it +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</span>was early, nobody else could be up—and there you +were. Just as you always used to sit.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>leaning back on her hands and nodding</i>). I +understand.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Don’t! Don’t!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>in distress</i>). It’s the Sally I used to know! +Everything. The way she sits, the way she talks, the +way she moves. Oh, Sally, don’t! (<i>He recovers himself +with an effort</i>) I beg your pardon.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>smiling faintly</i>). It’s all right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>trying not to look at her</i>). I’ve never had +such a real dream. It almost seems as if <em>you</em> must +have been dreaming it too. (<i>With an awkward laugh</i>) +Were you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> I have those dreams. (<i>Poor dear, it’s all she +has.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I suppose it was being in that room again. +(<i>With a laugh</i>) There are ghosts in that room, Lady +Carchester.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> There are ghosts in every room—in every +corner of the gardens⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> And here.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> And here....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It must be—how many years since we met?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> I don’t know.... Did your speeches go off +well?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I think so. Yes. I don’t know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> I expect they did ... I’m sorry I wasn’t up +when you came. I went to bed early.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> We were late. Nearly midnight. I dined +at the hotel, in between the speeches.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> I thought you would ... I thought you +wouldn’t mind if I was not up when you came.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> But you were. (<i>She turns to him</i>) In every +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</span>room—in every corner of the house.... I tapped on +the wall—G.D. (<i>Gently to himself</i>) Good-bye, dear. +That’s “God be with you, dear.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>softly</i>). I heard it.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>And suddenly, the unearthly sweetness of his dream +still with him</i>, <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>forgets that he is +married, father of a family, an important and +successful man; forgets that this is Lady +Carchester. They are boy and girl still, just +as in the dream. Is it too late?</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Sally, Sally, I love you! Oh, my beautiful, +I’ve always loved you. It’s too late now—I’ve thrown +your love away—but I love you, I love you. Oh, just +to say it again—I love you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>whispering to herself</i>). Oh, just to hear you say +it again—“I love you.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’ve thrown them away—all the lovely +things of life, all the precious things. I’ve thrown +them away—for nothing. Oh, if you could forgive +me—it’s too late now, but if you could forgive me! +I’ve hurt you, but I’ve hurt myself more, for it was +always you. How can you forgive me? I tore myself +out of your heart—you said that would hurt you, +Sally—but if you could forgive!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> I forgive, dearest.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Success! It closes in on you. That’s +what Teddy said. I tried to get free—I did try, +Sally—but I couldn’t. It had got me. It closes in +on you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> I understand, dearest.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Oh, but just to say, “I love you, Sally,” +again!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Oh, just to hear you say it, dearest.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>timidly</i>). I suppose you couldn’t say, “I +love you, Dick.” Oh no, how can I ask it?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> “If you stop hurting me, I have stopped +loving you”—do you remember?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>remorsefully</i>). Sally!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>her hand to her heart</i>). It has never stopped +hurting.... I had to make something of my life. To +sit alone with Pain—(<i>she shakes her head</i>) I had to make +something of it. But it has never stopped hurting.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Oh, my dear! Forgive me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> It is early. We are alone with the world. +This is part of the dream—you and I. And so—I love +you, Dick.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>humbly</i>). Thank you, Sally.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>giving him her hand</i>). It is part of the dream. +(<i>They are hand in hand—silent.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>quietly</i>). Need it be a dream? There is +so much in the world that nobody knows anything +about—is it too late to find it together?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>trembling</i>). It is only part of the dream, +dearest.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>earnestly</i>). Need it be? Here we are, you +and I—need it be a dream?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>how she loves him</i>). Your career.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>bitterly</i>). My career! My successful career! +(<i>He tears it away</i>) Let me get away from it! Help me +to get away from it! It is not too late. Come with +me, my beautiful.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>her last defence</i>). It means giving up everything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>triumphantly</i>). It means finding everything....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>quietly</i>). I have always loved you. From the +first—from the very first. It was always you. It is +you now. If you want me—if you think it is not too +late—if it would be better for you—(<i>she breaks off, and +then begins again</i>) I don’t know if it’s wrong. I don’t +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</span>know much about Right and Wrong. But I think, +perhaps, that there are some wrongs which are better +and braver than Right, and some rights which are +worse and more destroying than Wrong.... It is only +of you I am thinking. If it would be better for you—(<i>she +breaks off again, and then nods gently to herself</i>) I +will come with you, dearest.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Sally, my lovely one! (<i>He holds out his +hands to her; she takes them</i>) But you <em>want</em> to come? +You do love me still—after all I’ve done to you? +Say “I love you, Dick.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>from her broken heart</i>). God knows how I love +you, Dick.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Oh, my dear, my dear! (<i>He kisses her +hands reverently, and is silent for a little. Then, thinking +it out slowly, now for the first time seeing the thing as it +is, he says</i>) Now then, you must give me a week, a +week to get out of it all, a week to get clear. Sally, +you <em>do</em> see, don’t you? I can’t only think of myself—now. +Not now. That was the old way—only myself—my +success—my career—but now! I must get out of +it all first. I must have a week—to get clear.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>perhaps she guesses</i>). You must have a week—to +be certain.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>confidently</i>). Oh, I’m certain enough. (<i>He +laughs happily.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY.</span> Yet I want you to have a week. Not seeing +me, not writing to me. I can do nothing for you now, +dear. It is for you.... Here am I. If, at the end +of a week, you want me, tell me where you want me, +and I will come.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> There is a place I’ve seen, a little sleepy +village between hills; you will feel at rest there. +Nobody comes, nobody will know us. When we are +there together, then I will try to thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> (<i>seeing it then, if never afterwards</i>). I will wait +for you to say “Come!”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>nodding</i>). A week. Only a week. (<i>He +makes a movement as if to go; she too</i>). No, don’t move! +Let me have this picture of you for our last week away +from each other.... Hands behind you in that way +you always had. There! Sally the child, Sally the +girl, Sally the woman—and always my belovéd. (<i>Clasping +his hands to her</i>) Oh, my lovely!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He is gone; she waits there. So it was twenty-five +years ago. So it is now.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</span></p> + + + <h3 class="nobreak fnormal word-sp fs125" id="ACT_III_2"> + ACT III + </h3> +</div> + +<h4 class="hidden">Scene 1</h4> + +<p class="center noindent fs115 p1b phalft" id="act3_scene1_success"><span class="smcap">Scene 1</span>: <i>Cavendish Square</i></p> + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>It is the afternoon of the same day.</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span>, <i>ushered in by</i> +<span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span>, <i>comes into the empty library. He has just been +told that</i> <span class="allsmcap">MR. MANNOCK</span> <i>is not yet home</i>.</p> + + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>looking at his watch</i>). I suppose the train +was late.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> No, sir, apparently not. The car has returned +with Mr. Mannock’s dressing-case.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Then where⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> I understand from Lawson that Mr. Mannock +gave instructions that he would be walking home.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>amazed</i>). Walking! Why?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Naturally I can’t say, sir, except that it is +a fine afternoon, and that Mr. Mannock may have felt +in good spirits.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Good spirits! Good Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Yes, sir. Even if he walked all the way he +should be here very soon now, sir. Of course, if he +popped on to a ’bus⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> My good Digby, you can’t pop on to a ’bus +without years of practice. If he has taken his life in +his hands like that, he may be at Crouch End, or God +knows where, by now. Well, I shall wait, if I wait +all day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Yes, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Tell her ladyship I’m here.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Very good, sir.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>He goes out.</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> <i>sits down with a paper and +waits</i>. <span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> <i>comes in</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Hullo, Bertie.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>getting up and taking her hand</i>). Hullo, Freda. +(<i>Petulantly</i>) Why on earth do you let your Father dash +off to Cricklewood like this?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Is that where he is?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> <em>I</em> don’t know. Oh, confound their knavish +tricks!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>surprised</i>). Bertie, you’re quite ruffled.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I’ve had a ruffling morning.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Bobo a trifle tetchy?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> If you are referring to the Prime Minister⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> I am.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> The answer is in the affirmative. “Tetchy,” +perhaps, hardly does it justice.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> How very grim for you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Oh, I shall survive.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> I’m sure you will. You’re the surviving +sort. (<i>She sits down.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). Now I wonder if that’s a +compliment or not. (<i>He sits down too.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Well, I shouldn’t have much use for anybody +who wasn’t a survivor.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Ah, then it <em>is</em> a compliment.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Of course it is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>tentatively</i>). But if he <em>were</em> a survivor, if he +very distinctly were, then you—you could imagine +yourself having some slight use for him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>demurely</i>). You might go as far as that, Mr. +Capp—quite unofficially.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Yes.... I’m forty. I just mention it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> I’m nineteen. I just throw it out.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> In a mid-Victorian novel I should point out +sadly that I was old enough to be your father.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> And in a modern novel I should agree that, +if you had married at twenty, and got to work at once, +you might just have done it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). Did I tell you that my Uncle +Joseph died the other day?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span>. No.... My sister’s small baby has just +been vaccinated.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). He was the rich one, you +know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Oh, I beg his pardon! (<i>Tactfully</i>) Did he—was +his mind clear at the last?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Perfectly, I’m glad to say.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> How clear?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> About a hundred and twenty thousand.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>delighted</i>). Bertie, what a brain!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>looking at her proudly</i>). You know, every now +and then, you’re just like the Freda of ten years ago, +who used to sit on my knee and try to wear my eye-glass.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> My dear Bertie, surely I’ve sat on your +knee since then!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Not so systematically.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>sitting on it and wearing his eye-glass</i>). But how +absurd to let these old customs die out. (<i>After a pause</i>) +Have you actually proposed to me yet?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>with dignity</i>). I am just going to.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> I don’t want to hurry you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>beginning</i>). Freda!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> What about it? I should like to be married +to you—tremendously.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Nice person.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Would you care about it at all?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Terribly.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I think your Father and Mother would like +the idea. I don’t know if that matters nowadays.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> My dear Bertie, of course it does. Family +quarrels are so vulgar—besides upsetting things. I +want you to get on.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Quite.... Then that’s all right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Yes, that’s all right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Do we celebrate it in the usual way?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Well, we shall have to begin some time. +(<i>Kissing him</i>) Dear Bertie!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>rather moved</i>). Thank you. I’ll try not to +let you down.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> <i>comes in</i>. <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span>, <i>full of apologetic +noises, struggles to get up</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>calmly</i>). Subterfuge is useless, Bertie. (<i>She +gets off his knee</i>) Bertie has just asked me to marry him, +Mother.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>delighted</i>). My dear Bertie! How—(<i>she +seeks for the right word</i>)—how satisfactory! (<i>She +holds out her hand, which he kisses</i>) I am <em>so</em> glad. (<i>To</i> +<span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span>) Dear child! (<i>She puts up a cheek.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Tell her about your Uncle Joseph.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> He died, you know, the other day.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Not unexpectedly, I hope?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Oh, no! On the contrary.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> That’s a comfort. And—all satisfactory?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Very.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> You must tell Richard the details. (<i>To</i> +<span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span>) Run along now, dear. Bertie really came here +on business, I suspect. (<i>To him</i>) Isn’t that so?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>holding up a finger</i>). Now, Bertie, don’t say +I was just an accident.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> A delightful interlude.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> That’s better. But I still think⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Nonsense, Freda, you know how busy +Bertie is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> “For men must work, and women must +weep....” I shall be weeping upstairs, if you want +another interlude before you go.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>opening the door for her</i>). Rather! Of course +I do. (<i>She goes out. He closes the door and comes quickly +to</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span>) I say, what about it? You read the +speech, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Naturally.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> The P.M.’s furious.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> That’s also natural.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Did you know he was going to? I beg your +pardon, I oughtn’t to have asked you that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I knew what Richard’s views were. +Naturally.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Well, of course, we all did. (<i>He takes a turn +up and down</i>) Look here, we had a draft of the speech. +Knowing his views, the P.M. insisted on it. That draft +merely echoed the policy of the Cabinet. It went no +further. I brought it back to Mannock the night before +last, and told him that the P.M. approved. He goes +down to Leeds, gives ’em the speech, and at the critical +point throws over the Cabinet and dashes off on his +own. Just as we were afraid he would.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> It won’t be difficult to explain that.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> So I told the P.M. Naturally he feels that +he has been done, Mannock having practically promised +him that the other speech was⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>horrified</i>). Bertie, you’re not suggesting +anything against Richard’s honour!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>equally horrified</i>). Good Lord, of course I’m not!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> But is the Prime Minister?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>apologetically</i>). You must make allowances +for him. You see, he’s just getting over influenza. When +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</span>he’s quite strong again, he’ll see that it’s ridiculous to +talk about honour—it’s just a question of tactics. +But at present—well, you know how you feel after +influenza.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>in the voice of one who knows the explanation +by heart</i>). It’s perfectly simple. Richard made a private +memorandum of his own views, which he intended to +lay before the Cabinet. Accidentally, owing to some +carelessness of his secretary, this must have been +included in the first draft of the speech. When it was +discovered, the speech was typed out afresh and sent +to the Prime Minister. Richard, again owing to some +carelessness, took the earlier draft to Leeds.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>also knowing it by heart</i>). Quite, quite.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Richard will tell us what happened then. +He may have found himself in the middle of it before +he realised that he had the wrong draft, and have been +carried away. Or he may have thought that this was +the draft which had been submitted to the Prime +Minister, and that the P.M., though not approving it, +had wished a kite to be flown, knowing that he could +always repudiate Richard afterwards.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Quite.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Of course it was careless of Reader. He +has been dismissed, by the way.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Quite. Oh, there are plenty of explanations. +And if the P.M. had been in normal health⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> What does he want?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Well, he wants an explanation of some kind, +and he wants it for the Press. And he wants something +pretty humble from Mannock personally. And he +wants to smoke very badly and can’t, because of his +throat—that’s really what’s worrying him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Oh!... Oh, well!... Who’s going +to the Admiralty?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>uncomfortably</i>). Nothing’s settled as far as I +know. And won’t be until he’s well again.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Not even Mowbray?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> No....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Bertie, you’re one of the family now. +Tell me frankly: is it certain that Mowbray will be +Chancellor of the Exchequer?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Nothing is certain.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Oh! Well, that’s something. (<i>After a +pause</i>) Has Leeds done Richard any harm?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> At the moment, yes, certainly. Ultimately, +I should say, no.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> He’s played the wrong card?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I think so. But you never know. The +P.M.’s queer in some ways. And it depends a little +on how the Press takes it up. They were very non-committal +this morning.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> In the circumstances, to be non-committal +is to be on our side.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Quite.... (<i>Looking at his watch</i>) But where +<em>is</em> he, where <em>is</em> he? What’s all this about walking +home?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Walking home? What do you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Why, Digby said⁠——(<i>and now</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> +<i>comes in</i>) Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>cheerfully</i>). Hullo, Bertie. Digby told me +you were here. (<i>To his wife</i>) Ah, you’ve been looking +after him. That’s good. (<i>He is younger than when we +first saw him, more eager.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> We wondered what had happened to you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I sent the car on and walked. It was +such a jolly afternoon.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Walked! From Euston? (<i>She looks at +him in amazement.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes. Such a jolly afternoon.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Oh!... (<i>Before words come to her, she +decides that, after all, it doesn’t matter very much.</i>) Bertie +has come round about the speech.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>at a loss</i>). Speech?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> He thinks it was a mistake in tactics, +as it turns out.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Yes, but there’s more to it than that. The +P.M.⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Oh, the speech! Oh, I see.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I was telling him that that could easily +be explained.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Quite.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> He thinks—oh, by the way, we may +regard Bertie as one of the family now. Freda⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Please.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Freda⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Freda and Bertie?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes. I have told Bertie how delighted +we are.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>violently</i>). No! I won’t have it!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>amazed</i>). Richard!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>equally amazed</i>). Why, what⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>recovering himself with an effort</i>). I beg your +pardon.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> But I don’t understand. Only the other +day⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I want Freda to marry for love ... I’m +sorry, Bertie. Perhaps she does love you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>embarrassed</i>). Well, I—I don’t understand. +I asked her to marry me, and she—apparently +she⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Are you in love with <em>her</em>?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>out of his depth</i>). Well, I—I asked her to +marry me, and⁠——Yes, of course I am. I mean—(<i>bewildered</i>) +I don’t understand.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Good God, man, you must know if you’re +in love or not.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>interposing firmly</i>). Bertie, perhaps you +wouldn’t mind fetching Freda.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>relieved</i>). Right.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Thank you.... Richard, what’s the +matter? What has happened?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>takes a turn up the room, wondering how +much to tell her, when to tell her</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>looking up suddenly</i>). Do you mean about +Freda?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Why this sudden change? Two nights +ago we were both saying⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That’s just it. I want to be sure that she +is not doing it just because she thinks we want it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I probably know Freda better than +you⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I don’t know her at all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Then you may take my word for it that, +if she marries anybody, it will be because she wants +to do so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). Yes, I suppose so. (<i>With a +laugh to himself</i>) After all, it hasn’t really very much +to do with me—now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Naturally we both want her to be happy. +Bertie has come into money, he tells me. I suppose +he was waiting for that. I think it’s the most satisfactory +thing that could have happened.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). Yes, I’m not sure that it +isn’t.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Well, then!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes.... (<i>To himself</i>) God, how difficult +it all is, when you get close to it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> All what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (waving his hands). Life. Everything.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</span></p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Before</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> <i>can take his temperature</i>, <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> +<i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> <i>come in</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> What is it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Come here, Freda. (<i>She comes to him, +looking up into his face</i>) Fond of Bertie?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span> (<i>smiling</i>). I’ve adored him for years.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Going to be happy with him?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> I hope so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>kissing her forehead</i>). Well, good luck to +you both. (<i>Shaking Bertie’s hand</i>) Good luck to you, +Bertie.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I think Freda is a very lucky girl. Bertie +has a wonderful career in front of him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>modestly</i>). Well, I hope⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">FREDA.</span> Oh, Bertie’s all right.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a note of dismissal</i>). All right, Freda. +I just wanted to feel quite sure⁠——That’s all right, +Bertie.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> <i>opens the door for</i> <span class="allsmcap">FREDA</span>, <i>who goes out</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Now then, tell Richard just what you +were telling me. (<i>She sits down for it.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>coming back to them</i>). Well, what it really +comes to⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>smiling to himself happily</i>). I have sent in +my resignation to the Prime Minister.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Richard! Is that wise? At this moment? +(<i>She turns to Bertie for help</i>) Bertie?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>shaking his head</i>). He’s in the mood to accept +it. You can’t hold a pistol to his head just now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> That’s what I felt. (<i>Anxiously to her +husband</i>) Has the letter gone?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It has gone.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Good Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Is it too late? (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span>) Can’t +<em>you</em>⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>patiently</i>). I have resigned. He will accept +my resignation. He can’t help himself. Well, I intend +him to. That’s why I resigned.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>with restraint</i>). I don’t want to—I daresay +you know best. But surely it was a matter which +should have been discussed first. You must think that +it was wise, or you wouldn’t have done it. But at least +let us hear your reasons. Here are Bertie and I, only +too anxious to help.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>looks at her—and at</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span>. <i>A smile +comes on to his face as he imagines himself +saying, “Well, the fact is, I am running away +with another woman.” Impossible, of course, +with</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> <i>there. Impossible anyhow, yet. +He cannot mention</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY’S</span> <i>name in this +atmosphere; cannot hint that there is another +woman, for fear of</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> <i>being identified. +Impossible to discuss her, them, the situation, +with anybody. Unless it were a friend of</i> +<span class="allsmcap">SALLY’S</span>. <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span>, <i>perhaps. But he must +be out of the Government first. Some such +thoughts as these are in his mind, even if we +cannot read them.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Well, yes, that’s reasonable. And yet—it’s +no good. I can’t explain now. Except to say that +I’m doing it with my eyes open. (<i>In a whisper</i>) At last. +(<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span>) You must give me a week—then I’ll +explain everything.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>uncertain</i>). Well—of course you know +best⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>quite certain</i>). That’s all right, Lady Jane. +(<i>He almost winks at her</i>) I understand.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Do you really think⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> You never can tell with the P.M. I’ve said +that before. Mannock’s way—he has always played +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</span>his cards well—there’s something up his sleeve—you +leave it to him.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>has wandered away in search of an +A.B.C. Trains don’t touch that sleepy little +village between hills, but they can bring lovers +within reach of it. Just to look up the train is +something.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>nodding to</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span>). Very well. If you +think⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> He knows what he’s doing.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Very well, Richard. You do it your own +way. Meanwhile⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Meanwhile no harm in letting it be known +that⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Important changes in the Cabinet are +pending.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Well, yes, <em>that</em>⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I’ll ask Roger Coombes to lunch to-morrow, +and drop a hint.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Yes.... I was going to say that I could +let fall a word or two. By the way, perhaps we’d better +say nothing about Freda until this is safely over. I +should like to be able to preserve my impartiality for +what it’s worth. A suggestion that, from what I have +seen of Mannock lately, he is tired of the confinements +of his present office⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> And that a post of greater freedom⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> And more responsibility—exactly. (<i>Chuckling</i>) +Otherwise he seriously thinks of retiring from public +life altogether.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>laughing at the absurdity of it</i>). I think that +can be safely left to you, Bertie. And you’re right +about Freda. I hope she hasn’t been ringing up all +her friends. I’d better see about that at once.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I’ll come along too. Well, so long, Mannock.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>who was just stepping out of the train</i>). +Going?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> You’ll be seeing some more of me before +very long, I expect. (<i>With sudden enthusiasm</i>) By Jove, +if you play this hand properly, I believe—well, almost +anything might happen.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>happily</i>). I believe it might, Bertie.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> <i>and</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> <i>go out</i>. +</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>, <i>with the A.B.C. in his hands, is back in +the train with</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span>.... <i>This time it is</i> +<span class="allsmcap">READER</span> <i>who interrupts them</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Are you busy, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>looking up</i>). No ... no.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>formally</i>). I gather, from what I have read +in the papers, that I accidentally gave you the wrong +draft of the speech. It was very careless of me, and I +wish to express my regret.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>smiling</i>). <em>Very</em> careless of you, Reader.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>his first smile in</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK’S</span> <i>house</i>). I thought +I had better mention it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Thank you.... But we are not bothering +about that now.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Oh?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> No. Life has other things to offer than +speeches at Leeds.... (<i>Suddenly remembering</i>) By the +way, what were you trying to tell me about Mrs. +Reader the other day?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>distressed</i>). I oughtn’t to have—it was only +in the shock of your⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Yes, never mind all that. I +should like to know, if you would like to tell me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>awkwardly, after a pause</i>). She—we—we’re +going to have a baby.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Ah!... The first? (<span class="allsmcap">READER</span> <i>nods</i>) +Frightened? (<span class="allsmcap">READER</span> <i>nods again</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>suddenly</i>). I—I do love her so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>gently</i>). How long have you been married?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Ten years.... It’s like yesterday.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>moved</i>). Yes.... Oh, before I forget, I’d +better write to Carfax. I know he wants somebody. +(<i>He goes to his desk</i>) Sit down, won’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Thank you very much. It’s very kind of +you. You see, I haven’t liked to tell her yet⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>writing</i>). Well, don’t, until we’ve got this +fixed up.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I daresay Carfax will stand for another +fifty, if he’s sure he’s getting the right man. Then +that will be a pleasant surprise for her.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>thawing</i>). I am afraid she won’t look at it +quite like that. You see, she is—if I may say so—very +much interested in you. In your career. She will be +sorry to.... You see, we often talk about you in the +evenings. We wonder what you are going to do. +Having no career of our own, so to speak⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>writing</i>). No career of your own. Lucky +man!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> We find our interest in following yours. +I believe that if I could go home to-morrow and tell my +wife—before it got into the papers, you understand—that +you were to be the new Chancellor of the Exchequer, +she would be as happy and excited as if it had happened +to me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a laugh for the vanity of these things</i>) +Chancellor of the Exchequer, eh? (<i>Shaking his head</i>) +No, Reader, no.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Well, that’s as may be.... (<i>Enthusiastically</i>) +To be Chancellor of the Exchequer! Think of +the power it gives you! To know that there isn’t a +house in the whole country which isn’t waiting for <em>your</em> +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</span>decision—from the tiniest cottage to the hugest castle! +Not a family that won’t be affected! It must be wonderful. +The power of affecting all those people! It has +always seemed to me the supreme goal for any man to +reach. (<i>Apologetically</i>) Sometimes we have pretended—only +in play, you understand—that it was I who had +reached it ... we have wondered ... the power it +gives you ... (<i>he sees himself there, Ethel with him</i>)—we +have talked over what we should do⁠——</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>And</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>has been seeing himself there too. +Just for a moment he has been there.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>with a sigh</i>). Yes.... (<i>Then he is back +with</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> <i>again. Gently he says</i>) But there is something +better than that. Something.... (<i>You can see +him thinking of it, smiling.... But now his thoughts have +changed; the smile gives place to a frown. The career +is fighting its way back into his mind. Fighting with</i> <span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span>. +<i>He jerks his head round at</i> <span class="allsmcap">READER</span>, <span class="allsmcap">READER</span> <i>who is tempting +him, and says sharply</i>) Chancellor of the Exchequer, +eh? No, Reader, no. (<i>Returning to the letter</i>) I shan’t +be a moment.</p> + + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +<div class="chapter"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</span></p> + + + <p class="nobreak fnormal fs125 word-sp center phalfb noindent"> + ACT III + </p> +</div> +<h4 class="hidden">Scene 2</h4> + +<p class="center noindent fs115 p1b phalft" id="act3_scene2_success"><span class="smcap">Scene 2</span>: <i>Cavendish Square</i>, <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK’S</span> <i>library</i>.</p> + + +<p class="hanging p1b"><i>It is afternoon, two days later.</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>is alone, restlessly +doing nothing</i>. <span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> <i>comes in.</i></p> + + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Busy?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>(looking up</i>). No ... no.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Thought I’d say good-bye. I’m just off.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Off?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Yes, that’s right, isn’t it? You said you +didn’t want me till the end of the month.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>remembering</i>). Oh!... Oh, yes. (<i>He +remembers that now he won’t want</i> <span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> <i>at all</i>) Yes. +(<i>With an effort</i>) What are you going to do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Going to Marjory’s for a week. Then down +to Cornwall for a little golf.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>remembering his elder daughter</i>). Marjory.... +Yes. (<i>How complicated life is!</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Any messages for any of them?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes—no. I’ll write. (<i>To himself</i>) Yes, +I shall have to write to Marjory.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Right. Then if I’m back by the 30th, that +will do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>after a silence</i>). Arthur!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’ve sent in my resignation.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Your resignation? Why? Oh, I see. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</span>The old resignation stunt. Hasn’t that been rather +overdone?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You don’t understand, Arthur⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> All these political tactics—there’s something +so tawdry about them, so shoddy, so⁠——Sorry, Father, +I was forgetting. I’m a neutral now. Well, I suppose +I shall get used to them.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I say again, I have resigned my seat in +the Cabinet.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>with a smile</i>). If you’re not careful, the P.M. +will accept it, and then where will you be?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>sharply</i>). Out of the Cabinet, which is +where I want to be.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Not really? Why? (<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>shrugs his +shoulders</i>.) No, but why, Father?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I’m tired of it. I want to get out of it all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). I say! You’re not crossing over, +are you? How terribly sporting of you!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>firmly</i>). I’m giving up politics altogether.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>his jaw falling</i>). Giving up⁠——? Then what +about me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That’s been worrying me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Worrying you! I should think it had! +You made me chuck a jolly good job to come to <em>you</em>, +and then when it’s been filled up by somebody else⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Are you sure? I hoped that perhaps⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>shaking his head gravely</i>). I say, Father, this +really is a bit steep.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>humbly</i>). I’m very sorry, Arthur. I’m to +blame. I never ought to have persuaded you to come +to me. It was your career to choose for yourself. +I’m sorry.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>still aggrieved</i>). You practically ruin a man’s +life⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>smiling sadly</i>). Twenty-two, aren’t you? +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</span>No man’s life is ruined at twenty-two. (<i>With sudden +emotion</i>) Oh, my God, to be twenty-two again!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Well, but I mean⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Arthur, forget all that I’ve said to you, +will you, just for a week? Enjoy yourself at Marjory’s, +don’t say anything to her about it, and I’ll write to +you. I can’t talk about it now—not for another week. +Will you do that for me?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>reluctantly</i>). Oh, all right. (<i>Looking thoughtfully +at his father</i>) You know, I believe it <em>is</em> a stunt, +after all. A super-stunt. I don’t know what the game +is⁠——</p> + +<p class="center"> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Mr. Eversley is here, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes, that’s right, Digby. Show him in here.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span>). Is the car here?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Yes, sir.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR.</span> Then I’ll be getting on. (<i>Holding out his +hand</i>) Good-bye, Father—and I’ll wait for your letter.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes. (<i>Taking his hand</i>) Good-bye, Arthur. +(<i>When will he see him again?</i>) Good-bye, old boy. Good +luck to you always.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">ARTHUR</span> (<i>a little surprised</i>). Thanks!</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out.</i> +</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>walks up and down, thinking, thinking. +How difficult it all is!... Then</i> <span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> +<i>announces</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">DIGBY.</span> Mr. Eversley.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). I knew you would come. (<i>To</i> +<span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span>, <i>who still waits</i>) What is it? (<span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> <i>presents a +letter</i>) Oh, put it down. (<span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> <i>walks across to the +writing-desk and places the letter there</i>) Were you in +London, or did I drag you up from the country? I +had to see you.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> <i>goes out</i>. +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Well, I <em>was</em> at home, but of course I was +only too glad to come up, if you wanted me.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>looking at him fondly</i>) I never ought to +have let you go, Teddy. I ought always to have kept +you with me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>happy at the “Teddy”</i>). And what should +<em>I</em> have been doing all the time?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>settling him in a chair</i>). Nothing. Just +admiring me. What else is a Squier for?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> What else? The world is full of Nites +and Squiers—the admired and the admiring. I wonder +which are the happier?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>gently</i>). The loved and the loving.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Yes. Which are the happier, Dick?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>suddenly, after a little silence</i>). Got your +pipe with you? (<span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> <i>nods</i>.) Well, fill it, then.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>taking it out</i>). It is filled.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Well, light it, then.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>lighting it</i>). There! (<i>He smokes.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Teddy, I’m giving it all up.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> All what?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Everything. Politics. My career. My +successful career.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>smoking placidly</i>). Any particular reason?</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>looks at him, and hesitates. Then he +gives reasons—but not the particular reason.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It’s odd how wrapped up in my career I +have been. I never saw it from outside. I’ve been +looking at it lately. I think it was you—that other +night—who made me struggle outside and look at it. +You were the first. That was the beginning of it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I had no idea I was precipitating a political +crisis. What did I say?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You said, “And then success closed in on +you.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Yes, I remember. But I apologised for it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> It’s a stifling thing, success. It shuts out +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</span>so much. (<i>Gently</i>) All the lovely things, all the precious +things ... I’ve been looking back at my career. After +all, he’s in a position of trust, a Cabinet Minister. He +is responsible for the happiness of the people, his fellow +countrymen and women. How often have I thought +of their happiness? How often of my personal triumph—my +success? What are all our intrigues for, our +strategy, our tactics? To improve the condition of +England? Or to improve our personal position? I +look back on my career, and never once can I say, +“He did that for others.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> The others are no better.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That isn’t a very proud thought for⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> For a Dreadnought Nite?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Don’t!... Oh, my God, to be twenty-two +again!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> What would you do?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Live. There is so much that I have +missed. All the lovely things of life. But, perhaps, +even now, it isn’t too late.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>after smoking in silence for a little</i>). And so +you’re giving it all up?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes. This is between ourselves, of course, +until it is made public.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Of course.... It’s a big career to give +up, as the world judges it.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>a little vain of his sacrifice</i>). I suppose it is.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> They were talking politics in the train—as +they always do—and one or two of them were saying +that you ought to be the new Chancellor of the Exchequer.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>pleased</i>). Oh? Oh, but I shouldn’t have +been anyhow. Mowbray.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> They didn’t seem to think very much of +Mowbray.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> He’s the obvious man.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> A little too obvious, they felt....</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). It was my one ambition in +the old days.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Not such very old days.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>a little annoyed</i>). You know what I mean ... +I wanted to be that, even more than to be Prime +Minister. It fascinated me.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> It would terrify <em>me</em>.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I think I’ve only realised lately how much +I wanted it; how certain I was I could be one of the +Great Ones.... It may never come now. (<i>Remembering +suddenly</i>) Well, of course <em>now</em> it never will—obviously. +(<i>He sighs</i>) I’m well out of it all. But even if—I mean +Mowbray—well, he’ll last this Government—and after +the next Election, who knows? (<i>He is thoughtful.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> And what are you going to do when you +retire?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Teddy, you do think I’m right, don’t you?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Well, I don’t quite know all the circumstances, +do I?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I must have <em>you</em> on my side. Everybody +here—well, naturally⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> They think you’re mad? They’ve sent +for the doctor?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> They simply don’t believe it. But <em>you</em>—you’re +not prejudiced—<em>you</em> think⁠——?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Aren’t I prejudiced?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> You?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>through clouds of smoke</i>). I had a friend +once. I lived with him, played with him, made plans +with him, for—how many years? I was fond of him, +Dick. I don’t think he knew how fond we were of +him, Sally and I; two of the admiring ones, the loving +ones; yes, the happier ones. Then I lost him ... +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</span>and more than twenty years afterwards I found him +again. And he was dead. Now you say that he is +coming to life again, and you ask me to tell you—quite +without prejudice—whether I should like him to come +to life again.... It is a little difficult for me, Dick, +to be quite unprejudiced.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>remorsefully</i>). Teddy!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>a little wistfully</i>). But—I <em>should</em> like to find +him again, you know. Just to talk to him about those—rather +jolly days.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> They <em>were</em> good days.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Perhaps we didn’t realise at the time how +good they were.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Do you remember—(<i>he breaks off impetuously</i>) +Oh, Teddy, there are a hundred things I +want to talk to you about, a hundred things I want +to tell you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Well, that’s why I came.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I know. (<i>Suddenly</i>) Teddy! I—(<i>and then +he pulls himself up</i>) No, I can’t tell you now. Not here. +I must see you—where can I see you? Not in this +house. Where can I see you, where can we really talk?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Couldn’t we dine together somewhere?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes, that’s it. Somewhere where we can +be by ourselves. Now, let me think⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> “The Cock,” in Fleet Street? Not many +people there in the evening.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That will do.... I wonder what you’ll +think.... But I can’t tell you here.... I’ll call for +you. Where are you staying? Your club?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> I am staying with friends. At Porchester +Terrace. But they don’t expect me to dinner.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Then I’ll call for you at a quarter to eight. +What number? You’d better write it down. (<span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> +<i>takes out a card</i>) Got a pencil?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>feeling in his pockets</i>). Somewhere.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>going to the desk</i>). Here you are. (<i>And then +he sees the letter and stops short.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>finding his own</i>). It’s all right. (<i>He writes +the address.</i>)</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>gazes at the letter. This is from the +Prime Minister—to accept his resignation. So +his career is over. He stands there, letter in +hand, breathing heavily as if he had been +running.</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> <i>looks at him in surprise</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> When did this⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> What is it?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>turning, letter in hand</i>). How long⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Your butler brought it in, didn’t he, +when he brought <em>me</em> in?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> Don’t mind me, Dick, if it’s important.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> No, no, it’s nothing. I⁠——</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> <i>comes in, followed by</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span>. <i>They +are obviously excited.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Richard! (<i>She sees</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span>) +Oh, I—(<i>coldly</i>) Oh, how do you do, Mr. Eversley?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY.</span> How do you do, Lady Jane? I was just +going. (<i>He and</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> <i>nod to each other</i>) Well, good-bye, +Dick. (<i>Giving him the card</i>) Here’s the address. And +a quarter to eight?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>mechanically</i>). Yes, yes. Good-bye. (<i>He +rings the bell, and puts down the card.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span>). Good-bye. (<i>To</i> <span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span>) +Good-bye. (<span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> <i>nods</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>with an effort</i>). Oh, but we mustn’t drive +you away like this.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> (<i>smiling pleasantly</i>). But I really was going. +Good-bye.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Good-bye.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">DIGBY</span> <i>is there to show him out. He goes.</i> +</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>All this time</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>has been standing with the +unopened letter in his hands, fingering the +envelope</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>in suppressed excitement</i>). Richard! Bertie +says.... Why, what’s that? (<i>She is looking at the +letter</i>) But that’s—why don’t you open it? That’s the +letter. Open it! Open it!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>dully</i>). This is just acknowledging and +accepting my resignation.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> But have you opened it yet? (<i>She +snatches it from him, looks at it, and gives it back to him</i>) +But you haven’t opened it yet! Open it! Bertie +says⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> The omens are distinctly favourable. But—well, +now we shall know.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>opening it</i>). It’s only just to accept my +resignation. (<i>He reads. You can see at once that it is +not that.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> (<i>watching his face</i>). It is! (<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>looks +in front of him, seeing visions</i>) May I—(<i>she takes the +letter from him</i>) I must. (<i>She reads</i>) Oh, well done, +Richard!</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>stands there, breathing heavily. To be +Chancellor of the Exchequer!</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> He has? (<i>She nods</i>) By Jove! Congratulations!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I never thought⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Well, I don’t know. Mowbray has a good +deal against him one way and another.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes. But I was almost afraid to +hope.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>proudly</i>). Didn’t I tell you to leave it to +him? (<i>He nods towards</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes, you were quite right, Bertie. (<i>She +looks admiringly at her husband.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Of course, I know all about the resignation +stunt—it’s as old as the hills. But if you can do it with +conviction, you can still pull it off sometimes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes, yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Mannock carried conviction—that’s where +he’s such an artist. The P.M. really thought he was +going. Didn’t dare to lose him. Prepared to offer +anything to keep him.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I’ve always said that, in the matter of +political strategy, Mannock can give them all points. +Even the P.M. I knew he’d pull it off.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> Richard! (<i>She means “Come and talk +to us.”</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>his control suddenly giving way</i>). So you +knew I’d pull it off? (<i>He is almost shouting.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Rather!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> I can give ’em all points in political +strategy?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> I’ve always said so.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> And I carry conviction—eh?—that’s where +I’m such an artist.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Exactly. (<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>gives a loud, bitter laugh</i>.) +Well, I mean⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>half hysterically</i>). An artist! That’s what +I am. Carry conviction! I carried conviction all +right. I pulled <em>your</em> leg pretty well, Bertie. (<i>To</i> +<span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span>) <em>And</em> yours. You thought I meant to resign—yes, +you did, both of you—you thought I meant it—you +were frightened to death, yes, you were. You +thought I really meant to give it all up. So did Arthur. +I had Arthur in here just now—frightened to death—thought +I meant to give it all up—talked about <em>his</em> +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</span>career—his career!—my God!—frightened to death +he was, just like you two. Ha! I pulled your legs +pretty well. Resign? Why the devil should I resign? +Haven’t I got what I always wanted? You ask Reader—he’ll +tell you—the supreme goal for any man to reach. +Chancellor of the Exchequer—<em>that</em> gives you power. +Me! I’ve done it! Just pure strategy. Pretending I +wanted to give up politics. Why should I? Success—it +closes in on you! My God, there’s nothing I can’t +do! Nothing! (<i>His voice rises almost to a shriek, as he +drops into a chair, and sits there, his hands over his face, +his shoulders shaking with long, tearless sobs.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE</span> (<i>soothingly</i>). I say, old fellow⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>quietly</i>). No. Go, Bertie.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">BERTIE.</span> Oh, right. (<i>Going</i>) I’ll come in this evening +if I can. He’ll be all right? (<i>She nods.</i>) Right.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>He goes out.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>putting an arm calmly on</i> <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK’S</span> +<i>shoulders</i>). It’s all right now, Richard. I know how +you must feel. It has been a very anxious time for +both of us. But it’s all over now. You’ve got what +you wanted. I’m proud of you, very proud of you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>pulling himself together</i>). I’m sorry. I⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>calmly</i>). It’s all right. I understand +perfectly. The strain—naturally.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE.</span> I’ll leave you now. You’ll want to be +alone. But come and talk to me afterwards.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>nodding</i>). Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>giving him the letter</i>). You’ll want to +answer this.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes. Thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">LADY JANE</span> (<i>looking at him admiringly</i>). I’m very proud +of you, Richard.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<i>She goes out.</i> +</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<i>Alone</i>, <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>walks slowly to his desk, a tired +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</span>man. There, he sees</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY’S</span> <i>card, picks +it up, looks at it, puts it down, and takes up the +telephone</i>.)</p> +</blockquote> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>at the telephone</i>). Hullo! Come in, will +you? (<i>He goes back to his chair and waits.</i> <span class="allsmcap">READER</span> +<i>comes in, note-book in hand</i>.) I want a telegram sent at +once. To Mr. Eversley. You’ll find a card on my desk. +(<span class="allsmcap">READER</span> <i>goes there</i>). Got it? With an address in +Porchester Terrace.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Yes, sir. (<i>He writes down the name and +address and waits.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> “Afraid cannot dine to-night.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>writing</i>). “Afraid cannot dine to-night.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> That’s all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Signed?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes, “Dick.” ... (<i>An end to this weakness. +He corrects himself firmly</i>) No—Mannock.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> “Afraid cannot dine to-night. Mannock.” +... Anything else, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> No.... Yes.... Yes.... (<span class="allsmcap">READER</span> +<i>waits</i>) Another telegram.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>waiting</i>). Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Lady Carchester, Enderways, Riley, Yorkshire.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>murmuring to himself</i>). Enderways, Riley, +R-I-L-E-Y?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Yorkshire. (<i>He waits</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>after a long pause</i>). “I beg your pardon.” +(<span class="allsmcap">READER</span> <i>says nothing</i>. <span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>looks up</i>) That’s all.</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER.</span> Oh, I beg—I see—I didn’t understand. +(<i>Writing</i>) “I beg your pardon.”</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> We had a—a discussion. I—I was wrong. +I have found out since that I was wrong. This is—(<i>he +shrugs</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</span></p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>pleasantly</i>). A very graceful way of saying +so, if I may be allowed⁠——</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> (<i>to himself</i>). Graceful!</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">READER</span> (<i>after waiting</i>). Signed? Or will she understand?</p> + +<p><span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK.</span> She will understand. (<i>To himself, ashamed</i>) +I think she will understand.... All right, Reader.</p> + +<p class="right"> + [<span class="allsmcap">READER</span> <i>goes out</i>. +</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="hanging">(<span class="allsmcap">MANNOCK</span> <i>walks slowly to his desk. For a little +while he sits there, holding the letter in his +hand....</i></p> + +<p class="hanging"><span class="allsmcap">SALLY</span> <i>is dead. He has killed her. No good +explaining, apologising, whining, to a person +whom you have killed. Let him be man enough +to spare her that last insult. No, there’s nothing +to say. It was</i> <span class="allsmcap">EVERSLEY</span> <i>and that damned +tune that got into a man’s head, and made him +dream.... The sweetness of her in his dream! +But that was twenty-five years ago. They’re +dead now; both dead.... But—Chancellor +of the Exchequer! It will be in all the papers +to-morrow. Chancellor of the Exchequer! What +will the papers say? What will people say? +Everybody will see it.... Sally will see it. +Will know, will understand. No, there’s nothing +to be said. That damned tune, that damned +dream. O Sally, Sally, Sally! Don’t! +Don’t come into my dreams again....</i></p> + +<p class="hanging"><i>So for a little he sits, thinking. Then, with a bitter, +contemptuous laugh, he tosses away his thoughts +and comes back to the letter. Chancellor of the +Exchequer! Briskly he dips his pen into the +ink, and writes to the Prime Minister.</i>)</p> +</blockquote> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter"> +<p class="center"> +<i>Printed in Great Britain by</i> <span class="smcap">R. & R. Clark, Limited</span>, <i>Edinburgh</i>. +</p> +</div> + +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter"></div> +<div class="transnote"> +<h2 class="center fs100 fnormal"> +Transcriber’s Notes +</h2> + + +<p>Obvious typographical errors and punctuation errors have been +silently corrected after careful comparison with other occurrences +in this work and consultation of external +sources. Some hyphens in words have been silently removed and +some silently added when a predominant preference was found in +the original work. Except for those changes noted below, original +spellings in the text and inconsistent or archaic usage have been +retained.</p> + +<blockquote> +<p>Page <a href="#tn-31">31</a>: “Madame Boolager” replaced by “Madame Boulager”.</p> +<p>Page <a href="#tn-74">74</a>: “I I don’t know” replaced by “I don’t know”.</p> +</blockquote> + +<p>Page numbers for Acts and Scenes have been added to the original +Table of Contents. The formatting of Scene titles was also standardized.</p> + +<p>New original cover art included with this eBook is granted to the +public domain.</p> + +</div> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78748 ***</div> +</body> +</html> |