Initial commit of ebook 78730 filesHEADmain

1 files changed, 7054 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/78730-0.txt b/78730-0.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f61cc00
--- /dev/null
+++ b/78730-0.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,7054 @@
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78730 ***
+
+[Illustration: Black-and-gold decorative book cover illustration
+featuring a colonial-era figure walking with a cane, framed by ornate
+patterns; above, a harbor scene labeled “Nieuw Amsterdam” with a sailing
+ship, windmill, and clustered buildings along the shoreline.]
+
+[Illustration: Endpaper]
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “AS THEY DEFILED THROUGH THE PRINCIPAL GATE THAT STOOD AT THE HEAD OF
+    WALL STREET.”
+
+  _Frontispiece._
+]
+
+
+                         =Van Twiller Edition=
+
+
+
+
+                 =Knickerbocker’s History of New York=
+
+
+                                  =By=
+
+                          =Washington Irving=
+
+                          =With Illustrations
+                                   by
+                           Edward W. Kemble=
+
+                               =Vol. II.=
+
+                          G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS
+                       NEW YORK            LONDON
+        27 West Twenty-third St.      24 Bedford Street, Strand
+
+                       =The Knickerbocker Press=
+                                  1894
+
+
+                            COPYRIGHT, 1893
+                                   BY
+                          G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS
+
+
+                   Electrotyped, Printed and Bound by
+                   The Knickerbocker Press, New York
+                          G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS
+
+
+
+
+                         =A History of New York=
+
+
+    =From the beginning of the World to the End of the Dutch Dynasty.
+ Containing, among Many Surprising and Curious Matters, the Unutterable
+  Ponderings of Walter the Doubter, the Disastrous Projects of William
+ the Testy, and the Chivalric Achievements of Peter the Headstrong; the
+    Three Dutch Governors of New Amsterdam, being the Only Authentic
+   History of the Times that Ever Hath Been or Ever Will Be Published=
+
+                                  =by=
+
+                        =Diedrich Knickerbocker=
+
+                  =De waarheid die in duister lag,
+                  Die komt mit klaarheid aan den dug=
+
+[Illustration: Black-and-white illustration of a young girl in
+traditional dress, standing with hands in her apron pockets, wearing a
+fitted bodice, short-sleeved blouse, and a full skirt with a patterned
+hem.]
+
+
+
+
+                               Contents.
+
+
+                         BOOK IV.—(_Continued._)
+
+                                                                    PAGE
+ CHAP. VII.—Growing discontents of New Amsterdam under the
+   government of William the Testy                                     1
+ CHAP. VIII.—Of the edict of William the Testy against tobacco—Of
+   the Pipe Plot, and the rise of feuds and parties                    6
+ CHAP. IX.—Of the folly of being happy in time of prosperity—Of
+   troubles to the South brought on by annexation—Of the secret
+   expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam, and his magnificent reward      15
+ CHAP. X.—Troublous times on the Hudson—How Killian Van Rensellaer
+   erected a feudal castle, and how he introduced club-law into the
+   province                                                           22
+ CHAP. XI.—Of the diplomatic mission of Antony the Trumpeter to the
+   Fortress of Rensellaerstein—and how he was puzzled by a
+   cabalistic reply                                                   28
+ CHAP. XII.—Containing the rise of the great Amphictyonic Council
+   of the Pilgrims, with the decline and final extinction of
+   William the Testy                                                  34
+
+
+                                 BOOK V.
+
+                CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF
+                 PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS TROUBLES WITH
+                        THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL.
+ CHAP. I.—In which the death of a great man is shown to be no very
+   inconsolable matter of sorrow—and how Peter Stuyvesant acquired
+   a great name from the uncommon strength of his head                47
+ CHAP. II.—Showing how Peter the Headstrong bestirred himself among
+   the rats and cobwebs on entering into office—His interview with
+   Antony the Trumpeter, and his perilous meddling with the
+   currency                                                           58
+ CHAP. III.—How the Yankee League waxed more and more potent; and
+   how it outwitted the good Peter in treaty-making                   66
+ CHAP. IV.—Containing divers speculations on war and
+   negotiations—showing that a treaty of peace is a great national
+   evil                                                               75
+ CHAP. V.—How Peter Stuyvesant was grievously belied by the great
+   council of the League; and how he sent Antony the Trumpeter to
+   take the Council a piece of his mind                               87
+ CHAP. VI.—How Peter Stuyvesant demanded a court of honor—and what
+   the court of honor awarded to him                                  95
+ CHAP. VII.—How “Drum Ecclesiastic” was beaten throughout
+   Connecticut for a crusade against the New Netherlands, and how
+   Peter Stuyvesant took measures to fortify his Capital             100
+ CHAP. VIII.—How the Yankee crusade against the New Netherlands was
+   baffled by the sudden outbreak of witchcraft among the people of
+   the East                                                          108
+ CHAP. IX.—Which records the rise and renown of a Military
+   Commander, showing that a man, like a bladder, may be puffed up
+   to greatness by mere wind; together with the catastrophe of a
+   veteran and his queue                                             117
+
+
+                                BOOK VI.
+
+               CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF
+                  PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GALLANT
+                      ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE.
+ CHAP. I.—In which is exhibited a warlike Portrait of the Great
+   Peter—of the windy contest of General Van Poffenburgh and
+   General Printz, and of the Mosquito War on the Delaware           133
+ CHAP. II.—Of John Risingh, his giantly person and crafty deeds;
+   and of the catastrophe at Fort Casimir                            144
+ CHAP. III.—Showing how profound secrets are often brought to
+   light; with the proceedings of Peter the Headstrong when he
+   heard of the misfortunes of General Van Poffenburgh               155
+ CHAP. IV.—Containing Peter Stuyvesant’s voyage up the Hudson, and
+   the wonders and delights of that renowned river                   168
+ CHAP. V.—Describing the powerful Army that assembled at the city
+   of New Amsterdam—together with the interview between Peter the
+   Headstrong and General Van Poffenburgh, and Peter’s sentiments
+   touching unfortunate great men                                    181
+ CHAP. VI.—In which the Author discourses very ingeniously of
+   himself—after which is to be found much interesting history
+   about Peter the Headstrong and his followers                      194
+ CHAP. VII.—Showing the great advantage that the Author has over
+   his Reader in time of battle—together with divers portentous
+   movements; which betoken that something terrible is about to
+   happen                                                            210
+ CHAP. VIII.—Containing the most horrible battle ever recorded in
+   poetry or prose; with the admirable exploits of Peter the
+   Headstrong                                                        221
+ CHAP. IX.—In which the Author and the Reader, while reposing after
+   the battle, fall into a very grave discourse, after which is
+   recorded the conduct of Peter Stuyvesant after his victory        240
+
+
+                                BOOK VII.
+
+                CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF
+                 PETER THE HEADSTRONG—HIS TROUBLES WITH
+                 THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND
+                       FALL OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY.
+ CHAP. I.—How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the Sovereign People from
+   the burden of taking care of the nation; with sundy particulars
+   of his conduct in time of peace, and of the rise of a great
+   Dutch aristocracy                                                 259
+ CHAP. II.—How Peter Stuyvesant labored to civilize the
+   community—how he was a great promoter of holidays—how he
+   instituted kissing on New-Year’s Day—how he distributed fiddles
+   throughout the New Netherlands—how he ventured to reform the
+   ladies’ petticoats, and how he caught a Tartar                    270
+ CHAP. III.—How troubles thicken on the province—how it is
+   threatened by the Helderbergers, the Merrylanders, and the
+   Giants of the Susquehanna                                         278
+ CHAP. IV.—How Peter Stuyvesant adventured into the East Country,
+   and how he fared there                                            284
+ CHAP. V.—How the Yankees secretly sought aid of the British
+   Cabinet in their hostile schemes against the Manhattoes           296
+ CHAP. VI.—Of Peter Stuyvesant’s expedition into the East Country,
+   showing that, though an old bird, he did not understand trap      300
+ CHAP. VII.—How the people of New Amsterdam were thrown into a
+   great panic, by the news of the threatened invasion; and the
+   manner in which they fortified themselves                         308
+ CHAP. VIII.—How the Grand Council of the New Netherlands were
+   miraculously gifted with long tongues in the moment of
+   emergency—showing the value of words in warfare                   315
+ CHAP. IX.—In which the troubles of New Amsterdam appear to
+   thicken—showing the bravery in time of peril, of a people who
+   defend themselves by resolutions                                  323
+ CHAP. X.—Containing a doleful disaster of Antony the Trumpeter—and
+   how Peter Stuyvesant, like a second Cromwell, suddenly dissolved
+   a Rump Parliament                                                 338
+ CHAP. XI.—How Peter Stuyvesant defended the city of New Amsterdam
+   for several days by dint of the strength of his head.             347
+ CHAP. XII.—Containing the dignified retirement, and mortal
+   surrender of Peter the Headstrong                                 360
+ CHAP. XIII.—The Author’s reflections upon what has been said        372
+
+
+
+
+                             Illustrations
+
+
+                                                                    PAGE
+ “AS THEY DEFILED THROUGH THE PRINCIPAL GATE THAT STOOD
+   AT THE HEAD OF WALL STREET”                            _Frontispiece_
+ “BLACKSMITHS SUFFERED THEIR FIRES TO GO OUT”                          3
+ THE EDICT OF WILLIAM THE TESTY                                        9
+ A LONG PIPE                                                          11
+ A POT-HOUSE POLITICIAN                                               13
+ THE MERRYLANDERS WERE FOND OF BOXING                                 19
+ “I LOWER IT TO NONE”                                                 25
+ “A WHOLE ROW OF HELDERBERGERS REARED THEIR ROUND BURLY
+   HEADS”                                                             29
+ THE WISE MEN AND SOOTHSAYERS                                         32
+ “THEY SOLD THEM GUNS THAT EXPLODED AT THE FIRST FIRING”              39
+ DUTCH FAMILY PIPE                                                    43
+ “DRINKING, FIDDLING AND DANCING”                                     49
+ “SO AS TO DELIGHT THE GOVERNOR WHILE AT HIS REPASTS”                 61
+ “A NANTUCKET WHALER WITH A SPY GLASS TWICE AS LONG”                  71
+ “THE OLD WOMEN REJOICED THAT THERE WAS TO BE NO WAR”                 73
+ “THE ANGRY BULL BUTTS WITH HIS HORNS”                                78
+ TWO AMBASSADORS                                                      81
+ “SNIVELLING SCOURINGS, BROILS, AND MARAUDINGS, KEPT UP
+   ON THE EASTERN FRONTIERS”                                          85
+ MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER WAS INJURED                                     89
+ “TWANGING HIS TRUMPET LIKE A VERY DEVIL”                             93
+ “THE KNOWING COMMISSIONERS WINKED TO EACH OTHER”                     97
+ THE MILITIA                                                         105
+ THE FORTIFICATIONS                                                  107
+ “HAVING A MOST SUSPICIOUS PREDILECTION FOR BLACK CATS
+   AND BROOMSTICKS”                                                  111
+ THE WORTHY JUDGES                                                   114
+ JAN JANSEN ALPENDAM                                                 119
+ “HE FRIGHTED ALL, CATS, DOGS, AND ALL”                              123
+ VAN POFFENBURGH’S VALOR                                             127
+ KELDERMEESTER                                                       129
+ PETRUS STUYVESANT                                                   135
+ JAN PRINTZ                                                          139
+ THE MOSQUITO PLAGUE                                                 141
+ “THE MAIN GUARD WAS TURNED OUT”                                     146
+ “WITH GREAT CEREMONY, INTO THE FORT”                                149
+ “TO ROB ALL THE HEN-ROOSTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD”                     152
+ DIRK SCHUILER                                                       157
+ “AND PADDLED OVER TO NEW AMSTERDAM”                                 161
+ “AND STUMPING UP AND DOWN STAIRS”                                   164
+ “SOME LITTLE INDIAN VILLAGE”                                        171
+ THE OMNIPOTENT MANETHO                                              174
+ THE KILLING OF THE STURGEON                                         179
+ “THESE WERE OF A SOUR ASPECT”                                       184
+ “AS THEY DEFILED THROUGH THE PRINCIPAL GATE THAT STOOD
+   AT THE HEAD OF WALL STREET”                                       185
+ “A CREW OF HARD SWEARERS”                                           191
+ “CRAMMED THE POCKETS OF HER HERO WITH GINGERBREAD AND
+   DOUGHNUTS”                                                        198
+ “HAVING SHOT THE DEVIL WITH A SILVER BULLET, ONE DARK
+   STORMY NIGHT”                                                     201
+ “BARRICADED THE DOORS AND WINDOWS EVERY EVENING AT
+   SUNDOWN”                                                          204
+ “MARCHED OUT WITH THE HONORS OF WAR”                                207
+ ANIMATING HARANGUES                                                 212
+ “BEFORE A BIT OF BROKEN LOOKING-GLASS, SHAVING HIMSELF”             217
+ MARS AS A DRUNKEN CORPORAL                                          223
+ THE CHARGE                                                          227
+ THE DESPERATE STRUGGLE                                              230
+ “ON BLUNDERED AND THUNDERED THE HEAVY-STERNED FUGITIVES”            233
+ “THIS HEAVEN-DIRECTED BLOW DECIDED THE BATTLE”                      238
+ “SPITTING HALF A DOZEN LITTLE FELLOWS ON HIS SWORD”                 243
+ THE SHADES OF DEPARTED AND LONG-FORGOTTEN HEROES                    246
+ “MYNHEER WILLIAM BEEKMAN”                                           250
+ “THE OLD WOMEN FLOCKED AROUND ANTONY”                               252
+ “‘NAY, BUT,’ SAID PETER, ‘TRY YOUR INGENUITY, MAN’”                 262
+ “SEATED ON THE ‘STOEP’ BEFORE HIS DOOR”                             265
+ “PLATTER-BREECHES”                                                  269
+ NEW YEAR’S DAY AT THE GOVERNOR’S                                    273
+ THE DANCE                                                           275
+ A SUSQUESAHANOCK                                                    281
+ A BUXOM LASS                                                        289
+ THE JOURNEY                                                         291
+ “THEY BESTRODE THEIR CANES AND GALLOPED OFF IN HORRIBLE
+   CONFUSION”                                                        293
+ LORD STERLING                                                       298
+ “HE WAS TREATED TO A SIGHT OF PLYMOUTH ROCK”                        304
+ “NOR WOULD HE GO OUT OF A NIGHT WITHOUT A LANTERN”                  311
+ THE LONG TALK AT THE COUNCIL-FIRE                                   317
+ “THE SUDDEN ENTRANCE OF A MESSENGER”                                321
+ THE ARRIVAL OF PETER                                                325
+ “WAS TO MOUNT THE ROOF, WHENCE HE CONTEMPLATED WITH
+   RUEFUL ASPECT THE HOSTILE SQUADRON”                               328
+ “METAMORPHOSING PUMPS INTO FORMIDABLE SOLDIERS”                     331
+ A PUBLIC MEETING IN FRONT OF THE STADTHOUSE                         335
+ THE DEATH OF ANTONY VAN CORLEAR                                     341
+ “APOLLO PEEPING OUT NOW AND THEN FOR AN INSTANT”                    344
+ DETERMINED COCK                                                     352
+ “A LEGION OF BRITISH BEEF-FED WARRIORS POURED INTO NEW
+   AMSTERDAM”                                                        357
+ “CONDUCTED EVERY STRAY HOG OR COW IN TRIUMPH TO THE
+   POUND”                                                            362
+ “ON APRIL FOOL’S ERRANDS FOR PIGEON’S MILK”                         365
+ “‘WELL, DEN!—HARDKOPPIG PETER BEN GONE AT LAST!’”                   369
+
+[Illustration: Black and white sketch of a man in a nightcap drinking
+from a large mug.]
+
+[Illustration: A pen-and-ink drawing of several small sailboats with
+passengers on a calm sea, with a large fish tail splashing in the
+foreground.]
+
+
+
+
+                       =Book IV.= (_Continued._)
+      CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY.
+
+
+[Illustration: Black and white sketch of a man with a wooden peg leg
+seen from behind, walking with a cane and his hands clasped at his
+back.]
+
+
+
+
+                         A HISTORY OF NEW YORK
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter VII.=
+GROWING DISCONTENTS OF NEW AMSTERDAM UNDER THE GOVERNMENT OF WILLIAM THE
+                                 TESTY.
+
+
+It has been remarked by the observant writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript, that under the administration of William Kieft the
+disposition of the inhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential
+change, so that they became very meddlesome and factious. The
+unfortunate propensity of the little governor to experiment and
+innovation, and the frequent exacerbations of his temper, kept his
+council in a continual worry; and the council being to the people at
+large what yeast or leaven is to a batch, they threw the whole community
+in a ferment; and the people at large being to the city what the mind is
+to the body, the unhappy commotions they underwent operated most
+disastrously upon New Amsterdam,—insomuch that, in certain of their
+paroxysms of consternation and perplexity, they begat several of the
+most crooked, distorted, and abominable streets, lanes, and alleys with
+which this metropolis is disfigured.
+
+The fact was, that about this time the community, like Balaam’s ass,
+began to grow more enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposition
+for what is called “self-government.” This restive propensity was first
+evinced in certain popular meetings, in which the burghers of New
+Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the complicated affairs of the
+province, gradually obfuscating themselves with politics and
+tobacco-smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree
+who hang loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine.
+Cobblers abandoned their stalls to give lessons on political economy;
+blacksmiths suffered their fires to go out while they stirred up the
+fires of faction; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth part of
+humanity, neglected their own measures to criticize the measures of
+government.
+
+Strange! that the science of government, which seems to be so generally
+understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called upon to
+exercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his word
+for it, could have administered affairs ten times better than William
+the Testy.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “BLACKSMITHS SUFFERED THEIR FIRES TO GO OUT.”
+]
+
+Under the instructions of these political oracles the good people of New
+Amsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened, and, as a matter of
+course, exceedingly discontented. They gradually found out the fearful
+error in which they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happiest
+people in creation, and were convinced that, all circumstances to the
+contrary notwithstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and
+consequently ruined people!
+
+We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginary
+causes of lamentation. Like lubberly monks we belabor our own shoulders,
+and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this
+said by way of paradox; daily experience shows the truth of these
+observations. It is almost impossible to elevate the spirits of a man
+groaning under ideal calamities; but nothing is easier than to render
+him wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity; as it would be an
+Herculean task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest
+child could topple him off thence.
+
+I must not omit to mention that these popular meetings were generally
+held at some noted tavern, these public edifices possessing what in
+modern times are thought the true fountains of political inspiration.
+The ancient Greeks deliberated upon a matter when drunk, and
+reconsidered it when sober. Mob-politicians in modern times dislike to
+have two minds upon a subject, so they both deliberate and act when
+drunk; by this means a world of delay is spared; and as it is
+universally allowed that a man when drunk sees double, it follows
+conclusively that he sees twice as well as his sober neighbors.
+
+[Illustration: Black and white line drawing of a cow standing in a
+field, facing away toward a windmill on a distant hill.]
+
+
+
+
+                            =Chapter VIII.=
+OF THE EDICT OF WILLIAM THE TESTY AGAINST TOBACCO—OF THE PIPE-PLOT, AND
+                     THE RISE OF FEUDS AND PARTIES.
+
+
+Wilhelmus Kieft, as has already been observed, was a great legislator on
+a small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been
+greatly annoyed by the factious meeting of the good people of New
+Amsterdam, but, observing that on these occasions the pipe was ever in
+their mouth, he began to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the
+affair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics and
+tobacco-smoke. Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he began
+forthwith to rail at tobacco, as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in all
+its uses; and as to smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon the
+public pocket,—a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness,
+and a deadly bane to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally he
+issued an edict, prohibiting the smoking of tobacco throughout the New
+Netherlands. Ill-fated Kieft! Had he lived in the present age and
+attempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not have
+struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, in
+fact, was the greatest organ of reflection and deliberation of the New
+Netherlander. It was his constant companion and solace: was he gay, he
+smoked; was he sad, he smoked; his pipe was never out of his mouth; it
+was part of his physiognomy; without it his best friends would not know
+him. Take away his pipe? You might as well take away his nose!
+
+The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular
+commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobaccoboxes, and an
+immense supply of ammunition, sat themselves down before the governor’s
+house, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy William
+issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanding the reason of this
+lawless fumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their
+seats, and puffing away with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud
+that the governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle.
+
+A long negotiation ensued through the medium of Antony the Trumpeter.
+The governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually
+smoked into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco,
+but he abolished the fair long pipes used in the days of Wouter Van
+Twiller, denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment; these
+he condemned as incompatible with the despatch of business, in place
+whereof he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in
+length, which, he observed, could be stuck in one corner of the mouth,
+or twisted in the hatband, and would never be in the way. Thus ended
+this alarming insurrection, which was long known by the name of The
+Pipe-Plot, and which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end,
+like most plots and seditions, in mere smoke.
+
+But mark, oh, reader! the deplorable evils which did afterwards result.
+The smoke of these villanous little pipes, continually ascending in a
+cloud about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried
+up all the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who
+used them as vaporous and testy as the governor himself. Nay, what is
+worse, from being goodly, burly, sleek-conditioned men, they became,
+like our Dutch yeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed,
+smoke-dried, leathern-hided race.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE EDICT OF WILLIAM THE TESTY.
+]
+
+Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco-pipes we may date
+the rise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlandts. The rich and
+self-important burghers who had made their fortunes, and could afford to
+be lazy, adhered to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of
+aristocracy known as the _Long Pipes_; while the lower order, adopting
+the reform of William Kieft as more convenient in their handicraft
+employments, were branded with the plebeian name of _Short Pipes_.
+
+A third party sprang up, headed by the descendants of Robert Chewit, the
+companion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether and took
+to chewing tobacco; hence they were called _Quids_,—an appellation since
+given to those political mongrels which sometimes spring up between two
+great parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass.
+
+And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in saving
+the people at large the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides mankind into
+three classes—those who think for themselves, those who think as others
+think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the
+great mass of society; for most people require a set creed and a
+file-leader. Hence the origin of party: which means a large body of
+people, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former take
+the lead and discipline the latter; prescribing what they must say, what
+they must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but,
+above all, whom they must hate; for no one can be a right good partisan,
+who is not a thorough-going hater.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  A LONG PIPE.
+]
+
+The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhattoes, therefore, being divided
+into parties, were enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. And
+now the great business of politics went bravely on, the long pipes and
+short pipes assembling in separate beer-houses, and smoking at each
+other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the State and
+profit of the tavern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter
+their adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell so
+strong in the Dutch language, believing, like true politicians, that
+they served their party, and glorified themselves in proportion as they
+bewrayed their neighbors. But, however they might differ among
+themselves, all parties agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he
+was not a governor of their choice, but appointed by others to rule over
+them.
+
+Unhappy William Kieft! exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant
+manuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be entrapped,
+and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign
+expeditious were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees;
+all his home measures were canvassed and condemned by “numerous and
+respectable meetings” of pot-house politicians.
+
+In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, there is safety; but the
+multitude of counsellors was a continual source of perplexity to William
+Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject to
+perpetual whirlwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a
+passion with every one who undertook to advise him. I have observed,
+however, that your passionate little men, like small boats with large
+sails, are easily upset or blown out of their course; so was it with
+William the Testy, who was prone to be carried away by the last piece of
+advice blown into his ear. The consequence was, that, though a projector
+of the first class, yet by continually changing his projects he gave
+none a fair trial; and by endeavoring to do everything, he in sober
+truth did nothing.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  A POT-HOUSE POLITICIAN.
+]
+
+In the meantime, the sovereign people got into the saddle, showed
+themselves, as usual, unmerciful riders; spurring on the little governor
+with harangues and petitions, and thwarting him with memorials and
+reproaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices manage an
+unlucky devil of a hack-horse,—so that Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a
+worry or a gallop throughout the whole of his administration.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing showing the back of a
+wooden cart loaded with sacks; a woman holding a child sits on top,
+while a man in a hat stands to the right.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter IX.=
+  OF THE FOLLY OF BEING HAPPY IN TIME OF PROSPERITY—OF TROUBLES TO THE
+ SOUTH BROUGHT ON BY ANNEXATION—OF THE SECRET EXPEDITION OF JAN JANSEN
+                 ALPENDAM, AND HIS MAGNIFICENT REWARD.
+
+
+If we could but get a peep at the tally of dame Fortune, where like a
+vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of
+thoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by an
+evil, and that, however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season,
+the time will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune
+in fact is a pestilent shrew, and withal an inexorable creditor; and
+though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies and indulge us in
+long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with a
+vengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. “Since,” says good
+old Boëtius, “no man can retain her at his pleasure; what are her favors
+but sure prognostications of approaching trouble and calamity?”
+
+This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, the
+croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other men
+rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient,—that, the
+higher one is elevated on the seesaw balance of fortune, the lower must
+be his subsequent depression,—that he who is on the uppermost round of a
+ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom
+runs very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top.
+
+Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubtless indulged in
+dismal forebodings all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter,
+and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will
+not be surprised, therefore, that the foul weather which gathered during
+his days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William
+the Testy.
+
+The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to the
+discoveries and annexations of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and
+Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, made in the twilight days of
+Oloffe the Dreamer; by which the territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts
+were carried far to the south, to Delaware river and parts beyond. The
+consequence was, many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now
+and then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council,
+like the muttering of distant thunder from behind the mountains,
+without, however, disturbing their repose. It was not till the time of
+William the Testy that the thunderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the
+little governor was diligently protecting his eastern boundaries from
+the Yankees, word was brought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony
+of Swedes in the south, who had landed on the banks of the Delaware and
+displayed the banner of that redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and
+taken possession of the country in her name. These had been guided in
+their expedition by one Peter Minuits, or Minnewits, a renegade
+Dutchman, formerly in the service of their High Mightinesses, but who
+now declared himself governor of all the surrounding country, to which
+was given the name of the province of NEW SWEDEN.
+
+It is an old saying that “a little pot is soon hot,” which was the case
+with William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion,
+and once in a passion, he soon boiled over. Summoning his council on the
+receipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that
+had been heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and
+Tough Breeches. Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, he
+resorted to his favorite measure of proclamation, and despatched a
+document of the kind, ordering the renegade Minnewits and his gang of
+Swedish vagabonds to leave the country immediately, under pain of the
+vengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States-General, and of
+the potentates of the Manhattoes.
+
+This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessors,
+which had been thundered against the Yankees; and William Kieft was
+preparing to follow it up with something still more formidable, when he
+received intelligence of other invaders on his southern frontier, who
+had taken possession of the banks of the Schuylkill, and built a fort
+there. They were represented as a gigantic, gun-powder race of men,
+exceedingly expert at boxing, biting, gouging, and other branches of the
+rough-and-tumble mode of warfare, which they had learned from their
+prototypes and cousins-german, the Virginians, to whom they have ever
+borne considerable resemblance. Like them, too, they were great
+roisters, much given to revel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep and
+apple-toddy; whence their newly formed colony had already acquired the
+name of Merryland, which, with a slight modification, it retains to the
+present day.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE MERRYLANDERS WERE FOND OF BOXING.
+]
+
+In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Virginians, were
+represented to William Kieft as offsets from the same original stock as
+his bitter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee tribes of the east, having
+both come over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in
+other words, to live as they pleased: the Yankees taking to praying and
+money-making, and converting quakers; and the Southerners to
+horse-racing and cock-fighting, and breeding negroes.
+
+Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a
+naval armament of two sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpendam,
+who was armed to the very teeth with one of the little governor’s most
+powerful speeches, written in vigorous Low Dutch.
+
+Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the Schuylkill, and came
+upon the enemy just as they were engaged in a great “barbecue,” a kind
+of festivity or carouse much practised in Merryland. Opening upon them
+with the speech of William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack of
+lazy, canting, julep-tippling, cock-fighting, horse-racing,
+slave-trading, tavern-hunting, Sabbath-breaking, mulatto-breeding
+upstarts, and concluded by ordering them to evacuate the country
+immediately: to which they laconically replied in plain English, “they’d
+see him d——d first!”
+
+Now, this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus
+Kieft had made any calculation. Finding himself, therefore, totally
+unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, the
+admiral concluded his wisest course would be to return home and report
+progress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, where
+he arrived safe, having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small
+expense of treasure and no loss of life. His saving policy gained him
+the universal appellation of the Saviour of his Country; and his
+services were suitably rewarded by a shingle monument, erected by
+subscription on the top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized
+his name for three whole years, when it fell to pieces and was burnt for
+firewood.
+
+[Illustration: Black and white ink sketch of a portly, boastful soldier
+with a large mustache and helmet, leaning on a long sword with one hand
+on his hip.]
+
+
+
+
+                              =Chapter X.=
+   TROUBLOUS TIMES ON THE HUDSON—HOW KILLIAN VAN RENSELLAER ERECTED A
+    FEUDAL CASTLE, AND HOW HE INTRODUCED CLUB-LAW INTO THE PROVINCE.
+
+
+About this time the testy little governor of the New Netherlands appears
+to have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to have
+been kept continually on the bounce. He was on the very point of
+following up the expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam by some belligerent
+measures against the marauders of Merryland, when his attention was
+suddenly called away by belligerent troubles springing up in another
+quarter, the seeds of which had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter
+the Doubter.
+
+The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacific of
+governors was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer’s taking possession of
+Bearn Island by _wapen recht_. While the governor doubted and did
+nothing, the lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little
+castellum of Rensellaerstein, and to garrison it with a number of his
+tenants from the Helderberg, a mountain region famous for the hardest
+heads and hardest fists in the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful
+squire of the patroon, accustomed to strut at his heels, wear his
+cast-off clothes, and imitate his lofty bearing, was established in this
+post as wacht-meester. His duty it was to keep an eye on the river, and
+oblige every vessel that passed, unless on the service of their High
+Mightinesses, to strike its flag, lower its peak, and pay toll to the
+lord of Rensellaerstein.
+
+This assumption of sovereign authority within the territories of the
+Lords States-General, however it might have been tolerated by Walter the
+Doubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy on coming into
+office; and many written remonstrances had been addressed by him to
+Killian Van Rensellaer, to which the latter never deigned a reply. Thus,
+by degrees, a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a _raw_, had been
+established in the irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that
+he winced at the very name of Rensellaerstein.
+
+Now it came to pass, that, on a fine sunny day, the Company’s yacht, the
+_Half-Moon_, having been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania,
+was quietly tiding it down the Hudson. The commander, Govert Lockerman,
+a veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on the
+high poop, quietly smoking his pipe under the shadow of the proud flag
+of Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Bearn Island, he was saluted by
+a stentorian voice from the shore, “Lower thy flag, and be d——d to
+thee!”
+
+Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up
+his eye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him thus
+discourteously. There, on the ramparts of the fort, stood Nicholas
+Koorn, armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a
+steeple-crowned hat and cock’s tail-feather, formerly worn by Killian
+Van Rensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor.
+
+Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, but was not to be
+dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, “To whom should I
+lower my flag?” demanded he. “To the high and mighty Killian Van
+Rensellaer, the lord of Rensellaerstein!” was the reply.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “I LOWER IT TO NONE.”
+]
+
+“I lower it to none but the Prince of Orange and my masters the Lords
+States-General.” So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air
+of dogged determination.
+
+Bang! went a gun from the fortress; the ball cut both sail and rigging.
+Govert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly.
+
+Bang! went another gun; the shot whistled close astern.
+
+“Fire, and be d——d,” cried Govert Lockerman, cramming a new charge of
+tobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing vehemence.
+
+Bang! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole in
+the “princely flag of Orange.”
+
+This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of Govert
+Lockerman. He maintained a stubborn, though swelling silence; but his
+smothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke
+emitted from his pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, as he
+slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Bearn Island. In fact he
+never gave vent to his passion until he got fairly among the highlands
+of the Hudson; when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are
+said to linger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, and
+to give particular effect to the thunder-storms in that neighborhood.
+
+It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lockerman at Dog’s Misery,
+bearing in his hand the tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the
+attention of William the Testy, just as he was devising a new expedition
+against the marauders of Merryland. I will not pretend to describe the
+passion of the little man when he heard of the outrage of
+Rensellaerstein. Suffice it to say, in the first transports of his fury,
+he turned Dog’s Misery topsy-turvy; kicked every cur out of doors, and
+threw the cats out of the window; after which, his spleen being in some
+measure relieved, he went into a council of war with Govert Lockerman,
+the skipper, assisted by Antony Van Corlear, the Trumpeter.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink sketch of three kittens pouncing
+and playing; two kittens are huddled together on the left, while one
+leaps forward on the right with its tail straight up.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter XI.=
+  ON THE DIPLOMATIC MISSION OF ANTONY THE TRUMPETER TO THE FORTRESS OF
+     RENSELLAERSTEIN—AND HOW HE WAS PUZZLED BY A CABALISTIC REPLY.
+
+
+The eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to see what would be the
+end of this direful feud between William the Testy and the patroon of
+Rensellaerwick; and some, observing the consultations of the governor
+with the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warlike measures by sea
+and land. The wrath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was
+quick to evaporate. He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and
+crackling for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant
+potentates, his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second
+thoughts for diplomacy.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “A WHOLE ROW OF HELDERBERGERS REARED THEIR ROUND BURLY HEADS.”
+]
+
+Accordingly, Govert Lockerman was once more despatched up the river in
+the Company’s yacht, the _Goed Hoop_ bearing Antony the Trumpeter as
+ambassador, to treat with the belligerent powers of Rensellaerstein. In
+the fulness of time the yacht arrived before Bearn Island, and Antony
+the Trumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parley to the fortress. In a
+little while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the
+wacht-meester, rose above the battlements, followed by his iron visage,
+and ultimately his whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth;
+while, one by one, a whole row of Helderbergers reared their round burly
+heads above the wall, and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of a
+rusty musket. Nothing daunted by this formidable array, Antony Van
+Corlear drew forth and read with audible voice a missive from William
+the Testy, protesting against the usurpation of Bearn Island, and
+ordering the garrison to quit the premises, bag and baggage, on pain of
+the vengeance of the potentate of the Manhattoes.
+
+In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the
+end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little finger of
+the right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made an aërial flourish
+with his fingers. Antony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand
+this sign, which seemed to him something mysterious and masonic. Not
+liking to betray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the
+missive of William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb
+of his right hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand
+to the little finger of the right, and repeated this kind of nasal
+weather-cock. Antony Van Corlear now persuaded himself that this was
+some shorthand sign or symbol, current in diplomacy, which, though
+unintelligible to a new diplomat, like himself, would speak volumes to
+the experienced intellect of William the Testy; considering his embassy
+therefore at an end, he sounded his trumpet with great complacency, and
+set sail on his return down the river, every now and then practising
+this mysterious sign of the wacht-meester, to keep it accurately in
+mind.
+
+Arrived at New Amsterdam he made a faithful report of his embassy to the
+governor, accompanied by a manual exhibition of the response of Nicholas
+Koorn. The governor was equally perplexed with his embassy. He was
+deeply versed in the mysteries of free-masonry; but they threw no light
+on the matter. He knew every variety of wind-mill and weather-cock, but
+was not a whit the wiser as to the aërial sign in question. He had even
+dabbled in Egyptian hieroglyphics and the mystic symbols of the
+obelisks, but none furnished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He
+called a meeting of his council. Antony Van Corlear stood forth in the
+midst, and putting the thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the
+thumb of his left hand to the finger of the right, he gave a faithful
+fac-simile of the portentous sign. Having a nose of unusual dimensions,
+it was as if the reply had been put in capitals; but all in vain: the
+worthy burgomasters were equally perplexed with the governor. Each one
+put his thumb to the end of his nose, spread his fingers like a fan,
+imitated the motion of Antony Van Corlear, and then smoked in dubious
+silence. Several times was Antony obliged to stand forth like a fugleman
+and repeat the sign, and each time a circle of nasal weather-cocks might
+be seen in the council-chamber.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE WISE MEN AND SOOTHSAYERS.
+]
+
+Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for all the
+soothsayers, and fortunetellers and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none
+could interpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas Koorn. The council
+broke up in sore perplexity. The matter got abroad, and Antony Van
+Corlear was stopped at every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of
+anxious newsmongers, each of whom departed with his thumb to his nose
+and his fingers in the air, to carry the story home to his family. For
+several days all business was neglected in New Amsterdam; nothing was
+talked of but the diplomatic mission of Antony the Trumpeter,—nothing
+was to be seen but knots of politicians with their thumbs to their
+noses. In the meantime the fierce feud between William the Testy and
+Killian Van Rensellaer, which at first had menaced deadly warfare,
+gradually cooled off, like many other war-questions, in the prolonged
+delays of diplomacy.
+
+Still to this early affair of Rensellaerstein may be traced the remote
+origin of those windy wars in modern days which rage in the bowels of
+the Helderberg, and have wellnigh shaken the great patroonship of the
+Van Rensellaers to its foundation; for we are told that the bully boys
+of the Helderberg, who served under Nicholas Koorn the wacht-meester,
+carried back to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which had so
+sorely puzzled Antony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes; so
+that to the present day the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air
+is apt to be the reply of the Helderbergers whenever called upon for any
+long arrears of rent.
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter XII.=
+ CONTAINING THE RISE OF THE GREAT AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL OF THE PILGRIMS,
+      WITH THE DECLINE AND FINAL EXTINCTION OF WILLIAM THE TESTY.
+
+
+It was asserted by the wise men of ancient times, who had a nearer
+opportunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter’s
+palace lay two huge tuns, one filled with blessings, the other with
+misfortunes; and it would verily seem as if the latter had been
+completely overturned and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw
+Nederlandts: for about this time, while harassed and annoyed from the
+south and the north, incessant forays were made by the border-chivalry
+of Connecticut upon the pigsties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders.
+Every day or two some broad-bottomed express-rider, covered with mud and
+mire, would come floundering into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted
+with some new tale of aggression from the frontier; whereupon Antony Van
+Corlear, seizing his trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in
+those primitive days, would sound the tidings from the ramparts with
+such doleful notes and disastrous cadence as to throw half the old women
+in the city into hysterics; all which tended greatly to increase his
+popularity; there being nothing for which the public are more grateful
+than being frequently treated to a panic,—a secret well known to the
+modern editors.
+
+But, oh ye powers! into what a paroxysm of passion did each new outrage
+of the Yankees throw the choleric little governor! Letter after letter,
+protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch,
+were incessantly fulminated upon them, and the four-and-twenty letters
+of the alphabet, which formed his standing army, were worn out by
+constant campaigning. All, however, was ineffectual; even the recent
+victory at Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between
+the clouds of his fair-weather reign, was soon followed by a more
+fearful gathering up of those clouds, and indignations of more
+portentous tempest; for the Yankee tribe on the banks of the
+Connecticut, finding on this memorable occasion their incompetency to
+cope, in fair fight, with the sturdy chivalry of the Manhattoes, had
+called to their aid all the ten tribes of their brethren who inhabit the
+east country, which from them has derived the name of Yankee-land. This
+call was promptly responded to. The consequence was a great confederacy
+of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Plymouth, and New
+Haven, under the title of the “United Colonies of New England”; the
+pretended object of which was mutual defence against the savages, but
+the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlands.
+
+For, to let the reader into one of the great secrets of history, the
+Nieuw Nederlandts had long been regarded by the whole Yankee race as the
+modern land of promise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar people
+destined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get possession of
+it. In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prevalent people, of that
+class who only require an inch to gain an ell, or a halter to gain a
+horse. From the time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they
+began to migrate, progressing and progressing from place to place, and
+from land to land, making a little here and a little there, and
+controverting the old proverb, that a rolling stone gathers no moss.
+Hence they have facetiously received the nickname of THE PILGRIMS: that
+is to say, a people who are always seeking a better country than their
+own.
+
+The tidings of this great Yankee league struck William Kieft with
+dismay, and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receiving a
+disagreeable piece of intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind
+all that he had read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he
+found that this was a counterpart of the Amphictyonic league, by which
+the states of Greece attained such power and supremacy; and the very
+idea made his heart quake for the safety of his empire at the
+Manhattoes.
+
+The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council of
+delegates held at Boston, which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this
+truly classic league. The very first meeting gave evidence of hostility
+to the Nieuw Nederlanders, who were charged, in their dealings with the
+Indians, with carrying on a traffic in “guns, powther, and shott,—a
+trade damnable and injurious to the colonists.” It is true the
+Connecticut traders were fain to dabble a little in this damnable
+traffic; but then they always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns,
+ingeniously calculated to burst in the pagan hands which used them.
+
+The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glory of
+William the Testy, for from that day forward he never held up his head,
+but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council
+augmented in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the
+red hills of New Haven, threatening to overwhelm the Nieuw Nederlandts,
+he continued occasionally to fulminate proclamations and protests, as a
+shrewd sea-captain fires his guns into a water-spout; but alas! they had
+no more effect than so many blank cartridges.
+
+Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy;
+for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the
+times, he seems to have been totally overlooked, and to have slipped
+forever through the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter of
+deep concern that such obscurity should hang over his latter days; for
+he was in truth a mighty and great-little man, and worthy of being
+utterly renowned, seeing that he was the first potentate that introduced
+into this land the art of fighting by proclamation, and defending a
+country by trumpeters and wind-mills.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THEY SOLD THEM GUNS THAT EXPLODED AT THE FIRST FIRING.
+]
+
+It is true, that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there
+were great numbers in the Nieuw Nederlandts, taking advantage of his
+mysterious exit, have fabled, that, like Romulus, he was translated to
+the skies, and forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left
+claw of the Crab; while others, equally fanciful, declare that he had
+experienced a fate similar to that of the good king Arthur, who, we are
+assured by ancient bards, was carried away to the delicious abodes of
+fairyland, where he still exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will
+one day or another return to restore the gallantry, the honor, and the
+immaculate probity, which prevailed in the glorious days of the Round
+Table.[1]
+
+All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions of
+those dreaming varlets, the poets, to which I would not have my
+judicious readers attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to
+credit an ancient and rather apocryphal historian, who asserts that the
+ingenious Wilhelmus was annihilated by the blowing down of one of his
+wind-mills; nor a writer of later times, who affirms that he fell a
+victim to an experiment in natural history, having the misfortune to
+break his neck from a garret-window of the stadthouse in attempting to
+catch swallows by sprinkling salt upon their tails. Still less do I put
+my faith in the tradition that he perished at sea in conveying home to
+Holland a treasure of golden ore, discovered somewhere among the haunted
+region of the Catskill mountains.[2]
+
+The most probable account declares, that, what with the constant
+troubles on his frontiers, the incessant schemings and projects going on
+in his own pericranium, the memorials, petitions, remonstrances, and
+sage pieces of advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people,
+and the refractory disposition of his councillors, who were sure to
+differ from him on every point, and uniformly to be in the wrong, his
+mind was kept in a furnace-heat, until he became as completely burnt out
+as a Dutch family-pipe which has passed through three generations of
+hard smokers. In this manner did he undergo a kind of animal combustion,
+consuming away like a farthing rushlight: so that when grim death
+finally snuffed him out, there was scarce left enough of him to bury!
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  DUTCH FAMILY PIPE.
+]
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a stern, portly man in
+17th-century attire, wearing a tall hat, a fur-collared coat, and a
+belted tunic.]
+
+
+
+
+                               =Book V.=
+  CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS
+                TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL.
+
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a jolly, bald man
+sitting in a chair with a large napkin tucked into his collar, holding a
+spoon over a steaming bowl of soup.]
+
+
+
+
+                              =Chapter I.=
+ IN WHICH THE DEATH OF A GREAT MAN IS SHOWN TO BE NO VERY INCONSOLABLE
+MATTER OF SORROW—AND HOW PETER STUYVESANT ACQUIRED A GREAT NAME FROM THE
+                     UNCOMMON STRENGTH OF HIS HEAD.
+
+
+To a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see clear through a
+subject, where the penetration of ordinary people extends but halfway,
+there is no fact more simple and manifest than that the death of a great
+man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of
+ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the million,
+it is certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an
+exceedingly small space in the world; and it is equally certain, that
+even that small space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. “Of
+what consequence is it,” said Pliny, “that individuals appear, or make
+their exit? the world is a theatre whose scenes and actors are
+continually changing.” Never did philosopher speak more correctly; and I
+only wonder that so wise a remark could have existed so many ages, and
+mankind not have laid it more to heart. Sage follows on in the footsteps
+of sage; one hero just steps out of his triumphal car, to make way for
+the hero who comes after him; and of the proudest monarch it is merely
+said, that “he slept with his fathers, and his successor reigned in his
+stead.”
+
+The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss,
+and if left to itself would soon forget to grieve; and though a nation
+has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great
+man, yet it is ten to one if an individual tear has been shed on the
+occasion, excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is
+the historian, the biographer, and the poet, who have the whole burden
+of grief to sustain,—who—kind souls!—like undertakers in England, act
+the part of chief mourners,—who inflate a nation with sighs it never
+heaved, and deluged it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus,
+while the patriotic author is weeping and howling, in prose, in blank
+verse, and in rhyme, and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his
+volume, as into a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his
+fellow-citizens are eating and drinking, fiddling, and dancing, as
+utterly ignorant of the bitter lamentations made in their name as are
+those men of straw, John Doe and Richard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom
+they are generously pleased to become sureties.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “DRINKING, FIDDLING, AND DANCING.”
+]
+
+The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have mouldered
+into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not some
+historian take him into favor, and benevolently transmit his name to
+posterity; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bustled,
+and turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand,
+I question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic
+history for all his future celebrity.
+
+His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its
+vicinity: the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their
+spheres; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain
+persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero; the rocks
+(hard-hearted varlets!) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang
+their heads in silent sorrow: and as to the sun, he lay abed the next
+night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose as he ever
+did on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since.
+The good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been
+a very busy, active, bustling little governor; that he was “the father
+of his country”; that he was “the noblest work of God”; that “he was a
+man, take him for all in all, they ne’er should look upon his like
+again”; together with sundry other civil and affectionate speeches
+regularly said on the death of all great men: after which they smoked
+their pipes, thought no more about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded
+to his station.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned Wouter Van
+Twiller, the best of our ancient Dutch governors. Wouter having
+surpassed all who preceded him, and Peter, or Piet, as he was sociably
+called by the old Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize
+names, having never been equalled by any successor. He was in fact the
+very man fitted by nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her
+beloved province, had not the Fates, those most potent and unrelenting
+of all ancient spinsters, destined them to inextricable confusion.
+
+To say merely that he was a hero, would be doing him great injustice: he
+was in truth a combination of heroes; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned
+make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Hercules
+would have given his hide for (meaning his lion’s hide) when he
+undertook to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch
+describes Coriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but
+likewise of his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel;
+and, like the self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for
+the sovereign people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to
+make the very bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay.
+All this martial excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened
+by an accidental advantage, with which I am surprised that neither Homer
+nor Virgil have graced any of their heroes. This was nothing less than a
+wooden leg, which was the only prize he had gained in bravely fighting
+the battles of his country, but of which he was so proud, that he was
+often heard to declare he valued it more than all his other limbs put
+together; indeed so highly did he esteem it, that he had it gallantly
+enchased and relieved with silver devices, which caused it to be related
+in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver leg.[4]
+
+Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to
+extempore bursts of passion, which were rather unpleasant to his
+favorites and attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken, after
+the manner of his illustrious imitator, Peter the Great, by anointing
+their shoulders with his walking-staff.
+
+Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or
+Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a
+shrewdness and sagacity in his measures, that one would hardly expect
+from a man who did not know Greek, and had never studied the ancients.
+True it is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable
+aversion to experiments, and was fond of governing his province after
+the simplest manner; but then he contrived to keep it in better order
+than did the erudite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient
+and modern, to assist and perplex him. I must likewise own that he made
+but very few laws; but then, again, he took care that those few were
+rigidly and impartially enforced; and I do not know but justice, on the
+whole, was as well administered as if there had been volumes of sage
+acts and statutes yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten.
+
+He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predecessors, being neither
+tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting,
+like William the Testy,—but a man, or rather a governor, of such
+uncommon activity and decision of mind, that he never sought nor
+accepted the advice of others,—depending bravely upon his single head,
+as would a hero of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all
+difficulties and dangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothing
+more to complete him as a statesman than to think always right; for no
+one can say but that he always acted as he thought. He was never a man
+to flinch when he found himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through
+thick and thin, trusting, by hook or by crook, to make all things
+straight in the end. In a word, he possessed, in an eminent degree, that
+great quality in a statesman, called perseverance by the polite, but
+nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar,—a wonderful salve for official
+blunders, since he who perseveres in error without flinching gets the
+credit of boldness and consistency, while he who wavers in seeking to do
+what is right gets stigmatized as a trimmer. This much is certain; and
+it is a maxim well worthy the attention of all legislators, great and
+small, who stand shaking in the wind, irresolute which way to steer,
+that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself, while he who
+seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs great risk of
+pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one’s foot
+resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. The
+clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours,
+while others may keep going continually and be continually going wrong.
+
+Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good
+people of Nieuw Nederlandts; on the contrary, so much were they struck
+with the independent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all
+occasions by their new governor, that they universally called him
+Hard-Kopping Piet, or Peter the Headstrong,—a great compliment to the
+strength of his understanding.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a wall-mounted cuckoo
+clock with Roman numerals, decorative scrollwork, and three long hanging
+weights.]
+
+If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, worthy reader, that
+Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten,
+mettlesome, obstinate, leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited
+old governor, either I have written to but little purpose, or thou art
+very dull at drawing conclusions.
+
+The most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of
+May, 1647,—a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacs of
+the time which have come down to us by the name of _Windy Friday_. As he
+was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was
+inaugurated into office with great ceremony,—the goodly oaken chair of
+the renowned Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such
+occasions, in like manner as the chair and stone were reverentially
+preserved at Schone, in Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian
+monarchs.
+
+I must not omit to mention that the tempestuous state of the elements,
+together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed
+“hanging-day,” did not fail to excite much grave speculation and divers
+very reasonable apprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened
+inhabitants; and several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a
+little skilled in the mystery of astrology and fortune-telling, did
+declare outright that they were omens of a disastrous administration;—an
+event that came to be lamentably verified, and which proves beyond
+dispute the wisdom of attending to those preternatural intimations
+furnished by dreams and visions, the flying of birds, falling of stones,
+and cackling of geese, on which the sages and rulers of ancient times
+placed such reliance; or to those shooting of stars, eclipses of the
+moon, howlings of dogs, and flarings of candles, carefully noted and
+interpreted by the oracular sibyls of our day,—who, in my humble
+opinion, are the legitimate inheritors and preservers of the ancient
+science of divination. This much is certain, that Governor Stuyvesant
+succeeded to the chair of state at a turbulent period; when foes
+thronged and threatened from without; when anarchy and stiff-necked
+opposition reigned rampant within; when the authority of their High
+Mightinesses the Lords States-General, though supported by economy and
+defended by speeches, protests, and proclamations, yet tottered to its
+very centre; and when the great city of New Amsterdam, though fortified
+by flagstaffs, trumpeters, and wind-mills, seemed, like some fair lady
+of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and ready to yield to the first
+invader.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a traditional tower
+windmill with four large sails, standing on a small grassy mound.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter II.=
+ SHOWING HOW PETER THE HEADSTRONG BESTIRRED HIMSELF AMONG THE RATS AND
+COBWEBS ON ENTERING INTO OFFICE—HIS INTERVIEW WITH ANTONY THE TRUMPETER,
+              AND HIS PERILOUS MEDDLING WITH THE CURRENCY.
+
+
+The very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of
+government, displayed his magnanimity, though they occasioned not a
+little marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding
+himself constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the
+advice of his privy council, the members of which had acquired the
+unreasonable habit of thinking and speaking for themselves during the
+preceding reign, he determined at once to put a stop to such grievous
+abominations. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon his authority,
+than he turned out of office all the meddlesome spirits of the factious
+cabinet of William the Testy; in place of whom he chose unto himself
+counsellors from those fat, somniferous, respectable burghers who had
+flourished and slumbered under the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All
+these he caused to be furnished with abundance of fair long pipes, and
+to be regaled with frequent corporation dinners, admonishing them to
+smoke, and eat, and sleep for the good of the nation, while he took the
+burden of government upon his own shoulders—an arrangement to which they
+all gave hearty acquiescence.
+
+Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and
+expedients of his learned predecessor,—rooting up his patent gallows,
+where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband,—demolishing his
+flagstaffs and wind-mills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the
+ramparts of New Amsterdam,—pitching to the duyvel whole batteries of
+quaker guns,—and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic,
+economic, and wind-mill system of the immortal sage of Saardam.
+
+The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of
+their matchless champion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired
+prodigious favor in the eyes of the women, by means of his whiskers and
+his trumpet. Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his
+presence, and eying him a moment from head to foot, with a countenance
+that would have appalled anything else than a sounder of
+brass,—“Pr’ythee, who and what art thou?” said he. “Sire,” replied the
+other, in no wise dismayed, “for my name, it is Antony Van Corlear; for
+my parentage, I am the son of my mother; for my profession, I am
+champion and garrison of this great city of New Amsterdam.” “I doubt me
+much,” said Peter Stuyvesant, “that thou art some scurvy costard-monger
+knave. How didst thou acquire this paramount honor and dignity?” “Marry,
+sir,” replied the other, “like many a great man before me, simply _by
+sounding my own trumpet_.” “Ay, is it so?” quoth the governor; “why,
+then let us have a relish of thy art.” Whereupon the good Antony put his
+instrument to his lips, and sounded a charge with such a tremendous
+outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a triumphant cadence, that it
+was enough to make one’s heart leap out of one’s mouth only to be within
+a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger, grazing in peaceful plains,
+starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up his ears, and snorts, and
+paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the heroic Peter joy to hear the
+clangor of the trumpet; for of him might truly be said, what was
+recorded of the renowned St. George of England, “there was nothing in
+all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to hear the pleasant
+sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their steeled
+weapons.” Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy Van
+Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his discourse,
+yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway conceived
+a vast kindness for him, and discharged him from the troublesome duty of
+garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever after retained him
+about his person, as his chief favorite, confidential envoy, and trusty
+squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrous notes, he was
+instructed to play so as to delight the governor while at his repasts,
+as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious chivalry,—and on
+all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people with warlike
+melody,—thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “SO AS TO DELIGHT THE GOVERNOR WHILE AT HIS REPASTS.”
+]
+
+But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest
+agitation in the community, was his laying his hand upon the currency.
+He had old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he
+considered the true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce; and one
+of his first edicts was, that all duties to government should be paid in
+those precious metals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be
+a legal tender.
+
+Here was a blow at public prosperity! All those who speculated on the
+rise and fall of this fluctuating currency, found their calling at an
+end; those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels-full, found
+their capital shrunk in amount; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who
+were accustomed to flood the market with newly coined oyster-shells, and
+to abstract Dutch merchandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in decrying
+this “tampering with the currency.” It was clipping the wings of
+commerce; it was checking the development of public prosperity; trade
+would be at an end; goods would moulder on the shelves; grain would rot
+in the granaries; grass would grow in the market-place. In a word, no
+one who has not heard the outcries and howlings of a modern Tarshish, at
+any check upon “paper-money,” can have any idea of the clamor against
+Peter the Headstrong, for checking the circulation of oyster-shells.
+
+In fact, trade did shrink into narrower channels; but then the stream
+was deep as it was broad; the honest Dutchmen sold less goods; but then
+they got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish,
+tin ware, apple-brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other
+articles of Yankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however,
+indemnified themselves another way for having to abandon the coinage of
+oyster-shells; for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made
+their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great annoyance of the
+Dutch housewives.
+
+
+                                 NOTE.
+
+  _From a manuscript record of the province; Lib. N. Y. His.
+  Society._—We have been unable to render your inhabitants wiser and
+  prevent their being further imposed upon than to declare absolutely
+  and peremptorily that henceforward seawant shall be bullion,—not
+  longer admissible in trade, without any value, as it is indeed. So
+  that every one may be upon his guard to no longer barter away his
+  wares and merchandises for these bubbles,—at least not to accept them
+  at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity, than as they may want them
+  in their trade with the savages.
+
+  In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be enabled
+  to draw the best wares and merchandises from our country for
+  nothing,—the beavers and furs not excepted. This has indeed long since
+  been insufferable, although it ought chiefly to be imputed to the
+  imprudent penuriousness of our own merchants and inhabitants, who, it
+  is to be hoped, shall through the abolition of this seawant become
+  wiser and more prudent.
+
+  _27th January, 1662._
+
+
+  Seawant falls into disrepute; duties to be paid in silver coin.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a rugged man in a
+buckled hat carrying a musket over his shoulder, with pouches hanging
+from his neck and one hand outstretched.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter III.=
+ HOW THE YANKEE LEAGUE WAXED MORE AND MORE POTENT; AND HOW IT OUTWITTED
+                    THE GOOD PETER IN TREATY-MAKING.
+
+
+Now it came to pass, that, while Peter Stuyvesant was busy regulating
+the internal affairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had
+caused such tribulation to William the Testy, continued to increase in
+extent and power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held
+at Boston, where it spun a web, which threatened to link within it all
+the mighty principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by
+this formidable combination was, mutual protection and defence against
+their savage neighbors; but all the world knows the real aim was to form
+a grand crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts, and to get possession of
+the city of the Manhattoes,—as devout an object of enterprise and
+ambition to the Yankees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient
+crusaders.
+
+In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvesant, a
+grand deputation departed from the city of Providence (famous for its
+dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode
+Island, praying to be admitted into the league.
+
+The following minute of this deputation appears in the ancient records
+of the council.[5]
+
+
+“Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented
+this insewing request to the commissioners in wrighting—
+
+“Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Iland, that wee the
+Ilanders of Rhoode-Iland may be rescauied into combination with all the
+united colonyes of New England in a firme and perpetual league of
+friendship and amity of ofence and defence, mutuall advice and succor
+upon all just occasions for our mutuall safety and wellfaire, etc.
+
+                                                     “WILL COTTINGTON,
+                                                 “ALICXSANDER PARTRIDG.”
+
+
+There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document
+that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however
+misspelt, has been warlike in every age; and though its fierceness is in
+some measure softened by being coupled with the gentle cognomen of
+Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great
+resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter,
+moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by the
+noble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may
+picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent
+in the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated
+among that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could
+not count beyond the number four.
+
+The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the
+part of the moss-troopers of Connecticut,—pushing their encroachments
+farther and farther into the territories of their High Mightinesses, so
+that even the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath
+and to find themselves exceedingly cramped for elbow-room.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions; his
+first impulse was to march at once to the frontier and kick these
+squatting Yankees out of the country; but, bethinking himself in time
+that he was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman
+for once cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try
+his hand at negotiation. A correspondence accordingly ensued between him
+and the grand council of the league; and it was agreed that
+commissioners from either side should meet at Hartford, to settle
+boundaries, adjust grievances, and establish a “perpetual and happy
+peace.”
+
+The commissioners on the part of the Manhattoes were chosen, according
+to immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the “wisest
+and weightiest” men of the community, that is to say, men with the
+oldest heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran
+navigator, Hans Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries
+during the time of Oloffe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in
+all matters of the kind; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass
+with which he first spied the mouth of the Connecticut River from his
+mast-head; and all the world knows the discovery of the mouth of a river
+gives prior right to all the lands drained by its waters.
+
+It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the
+Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing
+on the embassy,—men whose word on ’change was oracular, and in whose
+presence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat: when
+it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with
+his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted
+that men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no
+alternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife
+and children in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their High
+Mightinesses, on which they had squatted.
+
+In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no
+wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean
+Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking varlets, and evidently men of no
+substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no
+jingling of money in their pockets; it is true, they had longer heads
+than the Dutchmen; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they
+were broad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was
+made up by a double chin.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “A NANTUCKET WHALER, WITH A SPY-GLASS TWICE AS LONG!”
+]
+
+The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old corner-stone of
+original discovery,—according to the principle that he who first sees a
+new country has an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the
+veteran Oothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the assembly
+with the identical tarpauling spy-glass in his hand, with which he had
+discovered the mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch
+commissioners lolled back in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the
+idea of having for once got the weather-gage of the Yankees; but what
+was their dismay when the latter produced a Nantucket whaler with a
+spy-glass twice as long, with which he discovered the whole coast, quite
+down to the Manhattoes, and so crooked, that he had spied with it up the
+whole course of the Connecticut River. This principle pushed home,
+therefore, the Yankees had a right to the whole country bordering on the
+Sound; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a mere Dutch squatting-place
+on their territories.
+
+I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners
+at finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them;
+neither will I pretend to describe the consternation of the wise men at
+the Manhattoes when they learned how their commissioners had been
+out-trumped by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the
+very gates of New Amsterdam.
+
+Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept
+in a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary
+questions when the claims of the opposite are irreconcilable. One is by
+an appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its
+right, and get a broken head into the bargain; the other mode is by
+compromise, or mutual concession,—that is to say, one party cedes half
+of its claims, and the other party half of its rights; he who grasps
+most gets most, and the whole is pronounced an equitable division,
+“perfectly honorable to both parties.”
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THE OLD WOMEN REJOICED THAT THERE WAS TO BE NO WAR.”
+]
+
+The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up
+claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts which they had never
+seen, and all right to the land of Manna-hata and the city of New
+Amsterdam, to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in
+return, agreed that the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier
+places where they had squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut
+River.
+
+When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam, the whole city
+was in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to
+be no war, the old men that their cabbage-gardens were safe from
+invasion; while the political sages pronounced the treaty a great
+triumph over the Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how
+little they had been “fobbed off with.”
+
+And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter,
+congratulating himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer be
+harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded
+hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that
+disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such
+expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the
+paradoxical ways of cabinets; to convince him of which, I solicit his
+serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter
+Stuyvesant has already committed a great error in politics, and, by
+effecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the
+province.
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter IV.=
+ CONTAINING DIVERS SPECULATIONS ON WAR AND NEGOTIATIONS—SHOWING THAT A
+               TREATY OF PEACE IS A GREAT NATIONAL EVIL.
+
+
+It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, Lucretius, that war was
+the original state of man, whom he described as being primitively a
+savage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility with his
+own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by
+society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes,[6] nor have
+there been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend.
+
+For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so
+complimentary to human nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined to
+take the proposition by halves, believing with Horace,[7] that, though
+war may have been originally the favorite amusement and industrious
+employment of our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so
+far from being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by
+refinement and civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we
+approach towards that state of perfection which is the _ne plus ultra_
+of modern philosophy.
+
+The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical
+force, unaided by auxiliary weapons; his arm was his buckler, his fist
+was his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The
+battle of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of
+stones and clubs, and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced
+in refinement, as his faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities
+became more exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in
+the art of murdering his fellow-beings. He invented a thousand devices
+to defend and to assault: the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the
+sword, the dart, and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as
+well as to launch the blow. Still urging on, in the career of
+philanthropic invention, he enlarges and heightens his powers of defence
+and injury:—The Aries, the Scorpio, the Balista, and the Catapulta, give
+a horror and sublimity to war, and magnify its glory, by increasing its
+desolation. Still insatiable, though armed with machinery that seemed to
+reach the limits of destructive invention, and to yield a power of
+injury commensurate even with the desires of revenge,—still deeper
+researches must be made in the diabolical arcana. With furious zeal he
+dives into the bowels of the earth; he toils midst poisonous minerals
+and deadly salts,—the sublime discovery of gun-powder blazes upon the
+world—and finally the dreadful art of fighting by proclamation seems to
+endow the demon of war with ubiquity and omnipotence!
+
+This, indeed, is grand!—this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and
+bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from
+the animals, our inferiors. The unenlightened brutes content themselves
+with the native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull
+butts with his horns, as did his progenitors before him; the lion, the
+leopard, and the tiger seek only with their talons and their fangs to
+gratify their sanguinary fury; and even the subtle serpent darts the
+same venom, and uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood.
+Man alone, blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to
+discovery,—enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruction, arrogates
+the tremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist him
+in murdering his brother-worm!
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THE ANGRY BULL BUTTS WITH HIS HORNS.”
+]
+
+In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art
+of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio; and as we have discovered,
+in this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most
+formidable engine in war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious
+mode of maintaining peace by perpetual negotiations.
+
+A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a negotiation, therefore,
+according to the acceptation of experienced statesmen, learned in these
+matters, is no longer an attempt to accommodate differences, to
+ascertain rights, and to establish an equitable exchange of kind
+offices, but a contest of skill between two powers, which shall
+overreach and take in the other. It is a cunning endeavor to obtain by
+peaceful manœuvre, and the chicanery of cabinets, those advantages which
+a nation would otherwise have wrested by force of arms,—in the same
+manner as a conscientious highwayman reforms and becomes a quiet and
+praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself with cheating his neighbor out
+of that property he would formerly have seized with open violence.
+
+In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of
+perfect amity is, when a negotiation is open, and a treaty pending.
+Then, when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain
+the will, no specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right
+implanted in our nature, when each party has some advantage to hope and
+expect from the other, then it is that the two nations are wonderfully
+gracious and friendly,—their ministers professing the highest mutual
+regard, exchanging _billet-doux_, making fine speeches, and indulging in
+all those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlings, that
+do so marvellously tickle the good-humor of the respective nations. Thus
+it may paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an
+understanding between two nations as when there is a little
+misunderstanding,—and that so long as they are on no terms at all, they
+are on the best terms in the world!
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  TWO AMBASSADORS.
+]
+
+I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the
+above discovery. It has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by
+certain enlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable
+theories, privately copied out of the commonplace book of an illustrious
+gentleman, who has been member of congress, and enjoyed the unlimited
+confidence of heads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed
+the wonderful ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and
+interrupting negotiations. Hence the cunning measure of appointing as
+ambassador some political pettifogger skilled in delays, sophisms, and
+misapprehensions, and dexterous in the art of baffling argument,—or some
+blundering statesman, whose errors and misconstructions may be a plea
+for refusing to ratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most
+notable expedient, so popular with our government, of sending out a
+brace of ambassadors,—between whom, having each an individual will to
+consult, character to establish, and interest to promote, you may as
+well look for unanimity and concord as between two lovers with one
+mistress, two dogs with one bone, or two naked rogues with one pair of
+breeches. This disagreement, therefore, is continually breeding delays
+and impediments, in consequence of which the negotiation goes on
+swimmingly—inasmuch as there is no prospect of its ever coming to a
+close. Nothing is lost by these delays and obstacles but time; and in a
+negotiation, according to the theory I have exposed, all time lost is in
+reality so much time gained:—with what delightful paradoxes does modern
+political economy abound!
+
+Now all that I have here advanced is so notoriously true, that I almost
+blush to take up the time of my readers with treating of matters which
+must many a time have stared them in the face. But the proposition to
+which I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that, though
+a negotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet
+a treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most
+fruitful sources of war.
+
+I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between
+individuals that did not produce jealousies, bickerings, and often
+downright ruptures between them; nor did I ever know of a treaty between
+two nations that did not occasion continual misunderstandings. How many
+worthy country neighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and
+good-fellowship for years, have been thrown into a state of distrust,
+cavilling, and animosity, by some ill-starred agreement about fences,
+runs of water, and stray cattle! And how many well-meaning nations, who
+would otherwise have remained in the most amicable disposition towards
+each other, have been brought to swords’ points about the infringement
+or misconstruction of some treaty, which in an evil hour they had
+concluded, by way of making their amity more sure!
+
+Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires
+their fulfilment; consequently, they are virtually binding on the weaker
+party only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No nation
+will wantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to gain thereby,
+and therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence; and if it
+have anything to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of
+the righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so
+strong that it could not thrust the sword through—nay, I would hold ten
+to one, the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would
+be had to find a pretext for hostilities.
+
+Thus, therefore, I conclude,—that, though it is the best of all policies
+for a nation to keep up a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet
+it is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty; for
+then comes on nonfulfilment and infraction, then remonstrance, then
+altercation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war.
+In a word, negotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant
+speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses,—but the marriage ceremony
+is the signal for hostilities.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “SNIVELLING SCOURINGS, BROILS, AND MARAUDINGS, KEPT UP ON THE EASTERN
+    FRONTIERS.”
+]
+
+If my painstaking reader be not somewhat perplexed by the ratiocination
+of the foregoing passage, he will perceive, at a glance, that the Great
+Peter, in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbors, was guilty of
+lamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agreement may be
+traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings, between the parties,
+about fancied or pretended infringements of treaty-stipulations; in all
+which the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves by a “dig into the
+sides” of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit
+they gave great annoyance to the good burghers of Manna-hata, were so
+pitiful in their nature, that a grave historian like myself, who grudges
+the time spent in anything less than the revolutions of states and fall
+of empires, would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The
+reader is, therefore, to take it for granted, though I scorn to waste,
+in the detail, that time which my furrowed brow and trembling hand
+inform me is invaluable, that all the while the Great Peter was occupied
+in those tremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse;
+there was a continued series of little, dirty, snivelling scourings,
+broils, and maraudings kept up on the eastern frontiers by the
+moss-troopers of Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, the
+sage and valorous Don Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some
+future Sancho Panza of an historian, while I reserve my prowess and my
+pen for achievements of higher dignity; for at this moment I hear a
+direful and portentous note issuing from the bosom of the great council
+of the league, and resounding throughout the regions of the east,
+menacing the fame and fortunes of Peter Stuyvesant. I call, therefore,
+upon the reader to leave behind him all the paltry brawls of the
+Connecticut borders, and to press forward with me to the relief of our
+favorite hero, who, I foresee, will be woefully beset by the implacable
+Yankees in the next chapter.
+
+
+
+
+                              =Chapter V.=
+ HOW PETER STUYVESANT WAS GRIEVOUSLY BELIED BY THE GREAT COUNCIL OF THE
+ LEAGUE; AND HOW HE SENT ANTONY THE TRUMPETER TO TAKE TO THE COUNCIL A
+                           PIECE OF HIS MIND.
+
+
+That the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing Peter
+Stuyvesant and his capital, I must remind him of the old charge advanced
+in the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that the
+Nederlanders were carrying on a trade “damnable and injurious to the
+colonists,” in furnishing the savages with “guns, powther, and shott.”
+This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacy
+to have a snug cause of war _in petto_, in case any favorable
+opportunity should present of attempting the conquest of the New
+Nederlands: the great object of Yankee ambition.
+
+Accordingly we now find, when every other ground of complaint had
+apparently been removed by treaty, this nefarious charge revived with
+tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thunderbolt at the very head of
+Peter Stuyvesant; happily his head, like that of the great bull of the
+Wabash, was proof against such missiles.
+
+To be explicit, we are told that, in the year 1651, the great
+confederacy of the east accused the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor
+and heart of steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and promises, to
+instigate the Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians, to surprise
+and massacre the Yankee settlements. “For,” as the grand council
+observed, “the Indians round about for divers hundred miles cercute
+seeme to have drunk deepe of an intoxicating cupp, att or from the
+Manhattoes against the English, whoe have sought their good, both in
+bodily and spirituall respects.”
+
+This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians,
+who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside
+in the bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had
+been so many Christian troopers.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER WAS INJURED.
+]
+
+Though descended from a family which suffered much injury from the losel
+Yankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen
+and his best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes and
+a bloody nose in one of these border wars, and my grandfather, when a
+very little boy tending pigs, having been kidnapped and severely flogged
+by a long-sided Connecticut schoolmaster,—yet I should have passed over
+all these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion,—I could even have
+suffered them to have broken Everet Ducking’s head,—to have kicked the
+doughty Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out of doors,—to have
+carried every hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the
+face of the earth with perfect impunity,—but this wanton attack upon one
+of the most gallant and irreproachable heroes of modern times is too
+much even for me to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the
+patience of the historian, and the forbearance of the Dutchman.
+
+Oh, reader, it was false! I swear to thee, it was false!—if thou hast
+any respect to my word,—if the undeviating character for veracity, which
+I have endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight
+upon thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander; for I
+pledge my honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter
+Stuyvesant was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have
+suffered his right arm or even his wooden leg to consume with slow and
+everlasting flames, rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in any
+other way than open, generous warfare;—beshrew those caitiff scouts,
+that conspired to sully his honest name by such an imputation!
+
+Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never have heard of a
+knight-errant, had as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round
+table of King Arthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt
+the seven noble virtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy
+qualities like wild flowers among rocks. He was, in truth, a hero of
+chivalry struck off by nature at a single heat, and though little care
+may have been taken to refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle
+of her skill. In all his dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open
+and aboveboard; if there was anything in the whole world he most loathed
+and despised, it was cunning and secret wile; “straight forward” was his
+motto, and he would at any time rather run his hard head against a stone
+wall than attempt to get round it.
+
+Such was Peter Stuyvesant; and if my admiration of him has on this
+occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the
+philosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology,
+that, though a little gray-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the
+down-hill of life, I still retain a lingering spark of that fire which
+kindles in the eye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient
+worthies. Blessed, thrice and nine times blessed be the good St.
+Nicholas, if I have indeed escaped that apathy which chills the
+sympathies of age and paralyzes every glow of enthusiasm.
+
+The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderous
+charge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in the
+chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it
+across the table, to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and
+indited a proud and lofty letter to the council of the league,
+reproaching them with giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages
+against a Christian, a soldier, and a cavalier; declaring, that, whoever
+charged him with the plot in question, lied in his throat; to prove
+which he offered to meet the president of the council or any of his
+compeers, or their champion, Captain Alicxsander Partridg, that mighty
+man of Rhodes, in single combat,—wherein he trusted to vindicate his
+honor by the prowess of his arm.
+
+This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Antony Van
+Corlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day,
+sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that he carried the vindication of
+his patron’s fame in his saddle-bags.
+
+The loyal Antony accomplished his mission with great speed and
+considerable loss of leather. He delivered his missive with becoming
+ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish of defiance on his trumpet to
+the whole council, ending with a significant and nasal twang full in the
+face of Captain Partridg, who nearly jumped out of his skin in an
+ecstasy of astonishment.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “TWANGING HIS TRUMPET LIKE A VERY DEVIL.”
+]
+
+The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be put
+readily into a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry; and above all to
+run a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the
+advantage, however, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war in
+reserve with a neighbor, who had territories worth invading; so they
+devised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep up the “raw”
+which they had established.
+
+On receiving this answer, Antony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders mare
+which he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhattoes,
+solacing himself by the way according to his wont; twanging his trumpet
+like a very devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of the
+Connecticut resounded with the warlike melody; bringing all the folks to
+the windows as he passed through Hartford and Pyquag, and Middletown,
+and all the other border towns, ogling and winking at the women, and
+making aërial wind-mills from the end of his nose at their husbands, and
+stopping occasionally in the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at
+country frolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses—whom he rejoiced
+exceedingly with his soul-stirring instrument.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of an eccentric-looking
+person with round glasses and a very tall, pointed hat, peeking over the
+top of an open book.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter VI.=
+  HOW PETER STUYVESANT DEMANDED A COURT OF HONOR—AND WHAT THE COURT OF
+                         HONOR AWARDED TO HIM.
+
+
+The reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in the
+coolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that “his
+confident denials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh
+little against the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians”;
+that “his guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction,” so that they
+must still require and seek due _satisfaction and security_; ending
+with—“so we rest, sir—Yours in ways of righteousness.”
+
+I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at finding
+himself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn around
+him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an
+aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second messenger to
+the council, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and
+offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. His
+offer was readily accepted; and now he looked forward with confidence to
+an august tribunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed of
+high-minded cavaliers, peradventure governors and commanders of the
+confederate plantations, when the matter might be investigated by his
+peers, in a manner befitting his rank and dignity.
+
+While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold,
+one sunshiny afternoon there rode into the great gate of the Manhattoes
+two lean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narragansett pacers, with
+saddle-bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms,
+who looked marvellously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof
+from one county court to another in quest of lawsuits; and, in sooth,
+though they may have passed under different names at the time, I have
+reason to suspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiated the
+worthy Dutch commissioners out of the Connecticut River.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THE KNOWING COMMISSIONERS WINKED TO EACH OTHER.”
+]
+
+It was a rule with these indefatigable missionaries never to let the
+grass grow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at the
+inn and deposited their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the
+residence of the governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking
+his afternoon pipe on the “stoop,” or bench at the porch of his house,
+and announced themselves, at once, as commissioners sent by the grand
+council of the east to investigate the truth of certain charges advanced
+against him.
+
+The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for a
+moment in mute astonishment. By way of expediting business, they were
+proceeding on the spot to put some preliminary questions,—asking him,
+peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty, considering him
+something in the light of a culprit at the bar,—when they were brought
+to a pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his
+walking-staff. For a moment those present would not have given half a
+crown for both the crowns of the commissioners; but Peter Stuyvesant
+repressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand; he scanned the varlets
+from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of ineffable scorn;
+then strode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded
+that they should never again be admitted to his presence.
+
+The knowing commissioners winked to each other, and made a certificate
+on the spot that the governor had refused to answer their
+interrogatories or to submit to their examination. They then proceeded
+to rummage about the city for two or three days, in quest of what they
+called evidence, perplexing Indians and old women with their
+cross-questioning until they had stuffed their satchels and saddle-bags
+with all kinds of apocryphal tales, rumors, and calumnies; with these
+they mounted their Narragansett pacers and travelled back to the grand
+council; neither did the proud-hearted Peter trouble himself to hinder
+their researches nor impede their departure; he was too mindful of their
+sacred character as envoys; but I warrant me, had they played the same
+tricks with William the Testy, he would have had them tucked up by the
+waistband and treated to an aërial gambol on his patent gallows.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a grumpy-looking man
+with a goatee, wearing a tattered coat and a wide-brimmed hat with a
+feather, holding a large wooden club with both hands.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter VII.=
+HOW “DRUM ECCLESIASTIC” WAS BEATEN THROUGHOUT CONNECTICUT FOR A CRUSADE
+ AGAINST THE NEW NETHERLANDS, AND HOW PETER STUYVESANT TOOK MEASURES TO
+                          FORTIFY HIS CAPITAL.
+
+
+The grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on the return of
+their envoys. As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter Stuyvesant,
+everything went against him. His haughty refusal to submit to the
+questioning of the commissioners was construed into a consciousness of
+guilt. The contents of the satchels and saddle-bags were poured forth
+before the council and appeared a mountain of evidence. A pale, bilious
+orator took the floor, and declaimed for hours and in belligerent terms.
+He was one of those furious zealots who blow the bellows of faction
+until the whole furnace of politics is red-hot with sparks and cinders.
+What was it to him if he should set the house on fire, so that he might
+boil his pot by the blaze. He was from the borders of Connecticut; his
+constituents lived by marauding their Dutch neighbors, and were the
+greatest poachers in Christendom, excepting the Scotch border nobles.
+His eloquence had its effect, and it was determined to set on foot an
+expedition against the Nieuw Nederlandts.
+
+It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind for this measure.
+Accordingly the arguments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit for
+several succeeding Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against Peter
+Stuyvesant and his devoted city.
+
+This is the first we hear of the “drum ecclesiastic” beating up for
+recruits in worldly warfare in our country. It has since been called
+into frequent use. A cunning politician often lurks under the clerical
+robe; things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled
+together, like drugs on an apothecary’s shelf; and instead of a peaceful
+sermon, the simple seeker after righteousness has often a political
+pamphlet thrust down his throat, labelled with a pious text from
+Scripture.
+
+And now nothing was talked of but an expedition against the Manhattoes.
+It pleased the populace, who had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch,
+considering them a vastly inferior race, who had sought the new world
+for the lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience; who were mere
+heretics and infidels, inasmuch as they refused to believe in witches
+and sea-serpents, and had faith in the virtues of horse-shoes nailed to
+the door; ate pork without molasses; held pumpkins in contempt, and were
+in perpetual breach of the eleventh commandment of all true Yankees,
+“Thou shalt have codfish dinners on Saturdays.”
+
+No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm that was brewing in
+the east than he set to work to prepare for it. He was not one of those
+economical rulers, who postpone the expense of fortifying until the
+enemy is at the door. There is nothing, he would say, that keeps off
+enemies and crows more than the smell of gun-powder. He proceeded,
+therefore, with all diligence, to put the province and its metropolis in
+a posture of defence.
+
+Among the remnants which remained from the days of William the Testy
+were the militia laws,—by which the inhabitants were obliged to turn out
+twice a year, with such military equipments as it pleased God,—and were
+put under the command of tailors and man-milliners, who, though on
+ordinary occasions they might have been the meekest, most pippinhearted
+little men in the world, were very devils at parade, when they had
+cocked hats on their heads and swords by their sides. Under the
+instructions of these periodical warriors, the peaceful burghers of the
+Manhattoes were schooled in iron war, and became so hardy in the process
+of time, that they could march through sun and rain, from one end of the
+town to the other, without flinching,—and so intrepid and adroit, that
+they could face to the right, wheel to the left, and fire without
+winking or blinking.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen service and smelt
+gun-powder, had no great respect for militia troops; however, he
+determined to give them a trial, and accordingly called for a general
+muster, inspection, and review. But, oh Mars and Bellona! what a
+turning-out was here! Here came old Roelant Cuckaburt, with a short
+blunderbuss on his shoulder, and a long horseman’s sword trailing by his
+side; and Barent Dirkson, with something that looked like a copper
+kettle turned upside down on his head, and a couple of old horse-pistols
+in his belt; and Dirk Volkertson, with a long duck fowling-piece without
+any ramrod; and a host more, armed higgledy-piggledy,—with swords,
+hatchets, snickersnees, crowbars, broomsticks, and what not; the
+officers distinguished from the rest by having their slouched hats
+cocked up with pins, and surmounted with cock-tail feathers.
+
+The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some such rueful aspect
+as a man would eye the devil, and determined to give his feather-bed
+soldiers a seasoning. He accordingly put them through their manual
+exercise over and over again; trudged them backwards and forwards about
+the streets of New Amsterdam until their short legs ached and their fat
+sides sweated again; and finally encamped them in the evening on the
+summit of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp-life,
+intending the next day to renew the toils and perils of the field. But
+so it came to pass that in the night there fell a great and heavy rain,
+and melted away the army, so that in the morning, when Gaffer Phœbus
+shed his first beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior remained except
+Peter Stuyvesant and his trumpeter Van Corlear.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE MILITIA.
+]
+
+This awful desolation of a whole army would have appalled a commander of
+less nerve; but it served to confirm Peter’s want of confidence in the
+militia system, which he thenceforward used to call, in joke,—for he
+sometimes indulged in a joke,—William the Testy’s broken reed. He now
+took into his service a goodly number of burly, broad-shouldered,
+broad-bottomed Dutchmen; whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of
+whom he boasted, that, whether they could stand fire or not, they were
+at least water-proof. He fortified the city, too, with pickets and
+palisadoes, extending across the island from river to river, and, above
+all, cast up mud batteries, or redoubts, on the point of the island
+where it divided the beautiful bosom of the bay.
+
+These latter redoubts, in process of time, came to be pleasantly overrun
+by a carpet of grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide-spreading elms
+and sycamores, among the branches of which the birds would build their
+nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. Under these trees,
+too, the old burghers would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplating
+the golden sun as he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil end
+toward which they were declining. Here, too, would the young men and
+maidens of the town take their evening stroll, watching the silver
+moonbeams as they trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up
+the sail of some gliding bark, and peradventure interchanging the soft
+vows of honest affection,—for to evening strolls in this favored spot
+were traced most of the marriages in New Amsterdam.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE FORTIFICATIONS.
+]
+
+Such was the origin of that renowned promenade, THE BATTERY, which,
+though ostensibly devoted to the stern purposes of war, has ever been
+consecrated to the sweet delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol
+in happy childhood,—of many a tender assignation in riper years, of many
+a soothing walk in declining age,—the healthful resort of the feeble
+invalid,—the Sunday refreshment of the dusty tradesman,—in fine, the
+ornament and delight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island of
+Manna-hata.
+
+
+
+
+                            =Chapter VIII.=
+ HOW THE YANKEE CRUSADE AGAINST THE NEW NETHERLANDS WAS BAFFLED BY THE
+      SUDDEN OUTBREAK OF WITCHCRAFT AMONG THE PEOPLE OF THE EAST.
+
+
+Having thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and
+guarded it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty
+pinch of snuff, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of
+Amphictyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsander Partridg, at
+defiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriors
+of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag, otherwise called Weathersfield,
+famous for its onions and its witches, and of all the other
+border-towns, were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty
+weapons, shouting aloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests, and
+glorious rummaging of the fat little Dutch villages.
+
+In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received the
+chilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in
+this righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter
+Stuyvesant, the generous warmth of his vindication, and the chivalrous
+spirit of his defiance, though lost upon the grand council of the
+league, had carried conviction to the general court of Massachusetts,
+which nobly refused to believe him guilty of the villanous plot laid at
+his door.[8]
+
+The defection of so important a colony paralyzed the councils of the
+league, some such dissension arose among its members as prevailed of
+yore in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the
+crusade against the Manhattoes was abandoned.
+
+It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecticut were sorely
+disappointed; but well for them that their belligerent cravings were not
+gratified: for by my faith, whatever might have been the ultimate result
+of a conflict with all the powers of the east, in the interim the
+stomachful heroes of Pyquag would have been choked with their own
+onions, and all the border-towns of Connecticut would have had such a
+scouring from the lion-hearted Peter and his robustious myrmidons, that
+I warrant me they would not have had the stomach to squat on the land or
+invade the hen-roost of a Nederlander for a century to come.
+
+But it was not merely the refusal of Massachusetts to join in their
+unholy crusade that confounded the councils of the league; for about
+this time broke out in the New England provinces the awful plague of
+witchcraft, which spread like pestilence through the land. Such a
+howling abomination could not be suffered to remain long unnoticed; it
+soon excited the fiery indignation of those guardians of the
+commonwealth who whilom had evinced such active benevolence in the
+conversion of Quakers and Anabaptists. The grand council of the league
+publicly set their faces against the crime, and bloody laws were enacted
+against all “solem conversing or compacting with the divil by way of
+conjuracion or the like.”[9] Strict search, too, was made after witches,
+who were easily detected by devil’s pinches,—by being able to weep but
+three tears, and those out of the left eye,—and by having a most
+suspicious predilection for black cats and broomsticks! What is
+particularly worthy of admiration is, that this terrible art, which has
+baffled the studies and researches of philosophers, astrologers,
+theurgists, and other sages, was chiefly confined to the most ignorant,
+decrepit, and ugly old women in the community, with scarce more brains
+than the broomsticks they rode upon.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “HAVING A MOST SUSPICIOUS PREDILECTION FOR BLACK CATS AND
+    BROOMSTICKS!”
+]
+
+When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who dearly love to be in a
+panic, are always ready to keep it up. Raise but the cry of yellow
+fever, and immediately every headache, indigestion, and overflowing of
+the bile is pronounced the terrible epidemic; cry out mad dog, and every
+unlucky cur in the street is in jeopardy: so in the present instance,
+whoever was troubled with colic or lumbago was sure to be bewitched,—and
+woe to any unlucky old woman living in the neighborhood!
+
+It is incredible the number of offences that were detected, “for every
+one of which,” says the reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent work,
+the _History of New England_, “we have such a sufficient evidence, that
+no reasonable man in this whole country ever did question them; _and it
+will be unreasonable to do it in any other_.”[10]
+
+Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian John Josselyn, Gent.,
+furnishes us with unquestionable facts on this subject. “There are
+none,” observes he, “that beg in this country, but there be witches too
+many,—bottle-bellied witches, and others, that produce many strange
+apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea manned with
+women,—and of a ship and great red horse standing by the mainmast; the
+ship being in a small cove to the eastward, vanished of a sudden,” etc.
+
+The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not
+more remarkable than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the
+most solemn, persuasive, and affectionate manner to confess themselves
+guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion and the entertainment of
+the public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their
+innocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of
+immediate punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary,
+that they were in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. But
+their judges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none
+that were not convicted on the best of testimony; not that they needed
+any evidence to satisfy their own minds,—for, like true and experienced
+judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly
+satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try
+them,—but still something was necessary to convince the community at
+large,—to quiet those prying quidnuncs who should come after them,—in
+short, the world must be satisfied. Oh, the world—the world!—all the
+world knows the world of trouble the world is eternally occasioning! The
+worthy judges therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting,
+detecting, and making evident as noonday, matters which were at the
+commencement all clearly understood and firmly decided upon in their own
+pericraniums,—so that it may truly be said, that the witches were burnt
+to gratify the populace of the day, but were tried for the satisfaction
+of the whole world that should come after them!
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THE WORTHY JUDGES.”
+]
+
+Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendly
+entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the
+more urgent arguments of torture; and having thus absolutely wrung the
+truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo the
+roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some even
+carried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture,
+protesting their innocence to the last; but these were looked upon as
+thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil; and the pious
+by-standers only lamented that they had not lived a little longer, to
+have perished in the flames.
+
+In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was expelled by
+stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as
+being the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to
+be a demon, by changing into a shagged dog. In like manner, and by
+measures equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing
+evil. The witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-struck, and in a
+little while there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout New
+England,—which is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are
+so handsome. Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations
+gradually recovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches
+and aches, which, however, assumed the less alarming aspects of
+rheumatisms, sciatics, and lumbagos; and the good people of New England,
+abandoning the study of the occult sciences, turned their attention to
+the more profitable hocus-pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the
+legerdemain art of turning a penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old
+leaven is discernible, even unto this day, in their characters: witches
+occasionally start up among them in different disguises, as physicians,
+civilians, and divines. The people at large show a keenness, a
+cleverness, and a profundity of wisdom, that savors strongly of
+witchcraft; and it has been remarked, that, whenever any stones fall
+from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble into New
+England!
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a woman kneeling on the
+ground holding a small bowl, with a young child standing close beside
+her.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter IX.=
+WHICH RECORDS THE RISE AND RENOWN OF A MILITARY COMMANDER, SHOWING THAT
+   A MAN, LIKE A BLADDER, MAY BE PUFFED UP TO GREATNESS BY MERE WIND;
+       TOGETHER WITH THE CATASTROPHE OF A VETERAN AND HIS QUEUE.
+
+
+When treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the
+Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the
+good St. Nicholas, to whose protecting care he ascribes the dissensions
+which broke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft
+which filled all Yankee-land as with Egyptian darkness.
+
+A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering over the fair valleys of the
+east: the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the
+sounds of the rustic gayety; grisly phantoms glided about each wild
+brook and silent glen; fearful apparitions were seen in the air; strange
+voices were heard in solitary places; and the border-towns were so
+occupied in detecting and punishing losel witches, that, for a time, all
+talk of war was suspended, and New Amsterdam and its inhabitants seemed
+to be totally forgotten.
+
+I must not conceal the fact that at one time there was some danger of
+this plague of witchcraft extending into the New Netherlands; and
+certain witches, mounted on broomsticks, are said to have been seen
+whisking in the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders;
+but the worthy Nederlanders took the precaution to nail horse-shoes to
+their doors, which it is well known are effectual barriers against all
+diabolical vermin of the kind. Many of those horse-shoes may be seen at
+this very day on ancient mansions and barns, remaining from the days of
+the patriarchs: nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our
+legitimate Dutch yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire
+to keep witches and Yankees out of the country.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  JAN JANSEN ALPENDAM.
+]
+
+And now the great Peter, having no immediate hostility to apprehend from
+the east, turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to his
+southern frontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain
+freebooting Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the
+latter part of the reign of William the Testy, setting at naught the
+proclamations of that veritable potentate, and putting his admiral, the
+intrepid Jan Jansen Alpendam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the
+incursions of these Swedes, Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that
+frontier, giving the command of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh,
+an officer who had risen to great importance during the reign of
+Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if histories speak true, been second in command
+to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and his warriors were inhumanly
+kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees. In that memorable affair
+Van Poffenburgh is said to have received more kicks in a certain
+honorable part than any of his comrades, in consequence of which, on the
+resignation of Van Curlet, he had been promoted to his place, being
+considered a hero who had seen service, and suffered in his country’s
+cause.
+
+It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that heaven infuses
+into some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold, into others
+of intellectual silver, while others are intellectually furnished with
+iron and brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh; and it
+would seem as if dame Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had given
+him brass enough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had
+contrived to pass off upon William the Testy for genuine gold; and the
+little governor would sit for hours and listen to his gun-powder stories
+of exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of
+Greece, or St. George and the Dragon quite in the background. Having
+been promoted by William Kieft to the command of his whole disposable
+forces, he gave importance to his station by the grandiloquence of his
+bulletins, always styling himself Commander-in-chief of the Armies of
+the New Netherlands, though in sober truth, these armies were nothing
+more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle-bruising ragamuffins.
+
+In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round; neither did his
+bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy, being blown up by a
+prodigious conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of
+those bags of wind given by Æolus, in an incredible fit of generosity,
+to that vagabond warrior Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited
+the admiration of Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more
+than once to William the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general
+he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter.
+
+As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description
+of the arms and equipments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word
+upon the dress of this redoubtable commander. It comported with his
+character, being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and
+tinsel, that he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had
+stored away within. He was swathed, too, in a crimson sash, of the size
+and texture of a fishing-net,—doubtless to keep his swelling heart from
+bursting through his ribs. His face glowed with furnace-heat from
+between a huge pair of well-powdered whiskers; and his valorous soul
+seemed ready to bounce out of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes,
+projecting like those of a lobster.
+
+I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this
+warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him
+accoutred _cap-à-pie_,—booted to the middle, sashed to the chin, crowned
+with an overshadowing cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten
+inches broad, from which trailed a falchion, of a length that I dare not
+mention. Thus equipped, he strutted about, as bitter-looking a man of
+war as the far-famed More, of More-hall, when he sallied forth to slay
+the dragon of Wantley. For what says the ballad?
+
+            “Had you but seen him in this dress,
+              How fierce he looked and how big,
+            You would have thought him for to be
+              Some Egyptian porcupig.
+
+            “He frighted all—cats, dogs, and all,
+              Each cow, each horse, and each hog;
+            For fear they did flee, for they took him to be
+              Some strange outlandish hedge-hog.”[11]
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “HE FRIGHTED ALL—CATS, DOGS, AND ALL.”
+]
+
+I must confess this general, with all his outward valor and ventosity,
+was not exactly an officer to Peter Stuyvesant’s taste, but he stood
+foremost in the army list of William the Testy: and it is probable the
+good Peter, who was conscientious in his dealings with all men, and had
+his military notions of precedence, thought it but fair to give a chance
+of proving his right to his dignities.
+
+To this copper captain, therefore, was confided the command of the
+troops destined to protect the southern frontier; and scarce had he
+departed for his station than bulletins began to arrive from him,
+describing his undaunted march through savage deserts, over
+insurmountable mountains, across impassable rivers, and through
+impenetrable forests, conquering vast tracts of uninhabited country, and
+encountering more perils than did Xenophon in his far-famed retreat with
+his ten thousand Grecians.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent despatches with a dubious
+screwing of the mouth and shaking of the head; but Antony Van Corlear
+repeated these contents in the streets and market-places with an
+appropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy victories of the
+general resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam.
+
+On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Poffenburgh proceeded to erect
+a fortress, or stronghold, on the South or Delaware River. At first he
+bethought him to call it Fort Stuyvesant, in honor of the governor,—a
+lowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among speculators,
+military commanders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by which our maps
+come to be studded with the names of political patrons and temporary
+great men; in the present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage
+to the most lowly degree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir,
+in honor, it is said, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of
+his Excellency.
+
+As this fort will be found to give rise to important events, it may be
+worth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw Amstel, and
+was the germ of the present flourishing town of New Castle, or, more
+properly speaking, No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the
+premises.
+
+His fortress being finished, it would have done any man’s heart good to
+behold the swelling dignity with which the general would stride in and
+out a dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side
+and on that; how he would strut backwards and forwards, in full
+regimentals, on the top of the ramparts,—like a vainglorious
+cock-pigeon, swelling and vaporing on the top of a dove-cot.
+
+There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like wind, is apt to grow
+unruly in the stomachs of newly made soldiers, compelling them to
+box-lobby brawls and broken-headed quarrels, unless there can be found
+some more harmless way to give it vent. It is recorded in the delectable
+romance of Pierce Forest, that a young knight, being dubbed by King
+Alexander, did incontinently gallop into an adjacent forest and belabor
+the trees with such might and main, that he not merely eased off the
+sudden effervescence of his valor, but convinced the whole court that he
+was the most potent and courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In
+like manner the commander of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial
+spirit waxing too hot within him, would sally forth into the fields and
+lay about him most lustily with his sabre,—decapitating cabbages by
+platoons, hewing down lofty sunflowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes,
+and if, perchance, he espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly
+basking in the sun,—“Ah! caitiff Yankees,” would he roar, “have I caught
+ye at last?”—So saying, with one sweep of his sword he would cleave the
+unhappy vegetables from their chins to their waistbands; by which
+warlike havoc his choler being in some sort allayed, he would return
+into the fortress with the full conviction that he was a very miracle of
+military prowess.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  VAN POFFENBURGH’S VALOR.
+]
+
+He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unlucky
+soldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on
+parade, or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed.
+Having one day, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of
+Absalom and his melancholy end, the general bethought him, that, in a
+country abounding with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a
+like catastrophe; he therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for
+cropping the hair of both officers and men throughout the garrison.
+
+Now, so it happened, that among his officers was a sturdy veteran named
+Keldermeester, who had cherished, through a long life, a mop of hair not
+a little resembling the shag of a Newfoundland dog, terminating in a
+queue like the handle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head
+that his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were
+drawn up to the top of his forehead. It may naturally be supposed that
+the possessor of so goodly an appendage would resist with abhorrence an
+order condemning it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he
+discharged a tempest of veteran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and
+blixums,—swore he would break any man’s head who attempted to meddle
+with his tail,—queued it stiffer than ever, and whisked it about the
+garrison as fiercely as the tail of a crocodile.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  KELDERMEESTER.
+]
+
+The eel-skin queue of old Keldermeester became instantly an affair of
+the utmost importance. The Commander-in-chief was too enlightened an
+officer not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the
+subordination and good order of the armies of the Nieuw Nederlandts, the
+consequent safety of the whole province, and ultimately the dignity and
+prosperity of their High Mightinesses the Lords States-General,
+imperiously demanded the docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed,
+therefore, that old Keldermeester should be publicly shorn of his
+glories in presence of the whole garrison; the old man as resolutely
+stood on the defensive; whereupon he was arrested, and tried by
+court-martial for mutiny, desertion, and all the other list of offences
+noticed in the articles of war, ending with a “videlicet, in wearing an
+eel-skin queue, three feet long, contrary to orders.” Then came on
+arraignments, and trials, and pleadings; and the whole garrison was in a
+ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is well known that the
+commander of a frontier post has the power of acting pretty much after
+his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran would have been
+hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of a fever,
+through mere chagrin and mortification,—and deserted from all earthly
+command, with his beloved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained
+unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be
+carried to his grave with his eel-skin queue sticking out of a hole in
+his coffin.
+
+This magnanimous affair obtained the general great credit as a
+disciplinarian; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject to
+bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grizzly
+spectrum of old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect
+as a pump, his enormous queue strutting out like the handle.
+
+
+
+
+                               =Book VI.=
+CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS
+                 GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE.
+
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a traditional tower
+windmill with four large sails, standing on a small grassy mound.]
+
+
+
+
+                              =Chapter I.=
+IN WHICH IS EXHIBITED A WARLIKE PORTRAIT OF THE GREAT PETER—OF THE WINDY
+   CONTEST OF GENERAL VAN POFFENBURGH AND GENERAL PRINTZ, AND OF THE
+                     MOSQUITO WAR ON THE DELAWARE.
+
+
+Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, have I shown thee the
+administration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of
+peace, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation; but now the
+war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note,
+and the rude crash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming
+troubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose, from golden
+visions and voluptuous ease, where in the dulcet, “piping time of peace”
+he sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in beauty’s siren
+lap reclined, he weaves fair garlands for his lady’s brows; no more
+entwines with flowers his shining sword, nor through the livelong lazy
+summer’s day chants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To manhood
+roused, he spurns the amorous flute; doffs from his brawny back the robe
+of peace, and clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O’er his
+dark brow, where late the myrtle waved, where wanton roses breathed
+enervate love, he rears the beaming casque and nodding plume; grasps the
+bright shield, and shakes the ponderous lance; or mounts with eager
+pride his fiery steed, and burns for deeds of glorious chivalry!
+
+But soft, worthy reader! I would not have you imagine that any _preux
+chevalier_, thus hideously begirt with iron, existed in the city of New
+Amsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode, in which we heroic
+writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing
+aspect,—equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, and
+such like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like of which perchance
+they had never seen or heard of,—in the same manner that a cunning
+statuary arrays a modern general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a
+Cæsar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratorical
+nourish is this, that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found
+it necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long had rusted in its
+scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war in
+which his mighty soul so much delighted.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  PETRUS STUYVESANT.
+]
+
+Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagination, or rather, I
+behold his goodly portrait, which still hangs up in the family mansion
+of the Stuyvesants, arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch general.
+His regimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly
+show of large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin;
+the voluminous skirts turned up at the corners and separating gallantly
+behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of
+brimstone-colored trunk breeches; a graceful style still prevalent among
+the warriors of our day, and which is in conformity to the custom of
+ancient heroes, who scorned to defend themselves in rear. His face
+rendered exceeding terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios;
+his hair strutting out on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and
+descending in a rat-tail queue below his waist; a shining stock of black
+leather supporting his chin, and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck
+with a gallant and fiery air over his left eye. Such was the chivalric
+port of Peter the Headstrong; and when he made a sudden halt, planted
+himself firmly on his solid supporter, with his wooden leg, inlaid with
+silver, a little in advance, in order to strengthen his position, his
+right hand grasping a gold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pommel
+of his sword, his head dressing spiritedly to the right, with a most
+appalling and hard-favored frown upon his brow,—he presented altogether
+one of the most commanding, bitter-looking, and soldier-like figures
+that ever strutted upon canvas.—Proceed we now to inquire the cause of
+this warlike preparation.
+
+In the preceding chapter we have spoken of the founding of Fort
+Casimir, and of the merciless warfare waged by its commander upon
+cabbages, sunflowers, and pumpkins, for want of better occasion to
+flesh his sword. Now it came to pass, that, higher up the Delaware, at
+his stronghold of Tinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who styled
+himself Governor of New Sweden. If history belie not this redoubtable
+Swede, he was a rival worthy of the windy and inflated commander of
+Fort Casimir, for master David Pieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent
+book of voyages, describes him as “weighing upwards of four hundred
+pounds,” a huge feeder and bowser in proportion, taking three
+potations pottle-deep at every meal. He had a garrison after his own
+heart at Tinnekonk,—guzzling, deep-drinking swashbucklers, who made
+the wild woods ring with their carousals.
+
+No sooner did this robustious commander hear of the erection of Fort
+Casimir, than he sent a message to Van Poffenburgh, warning him off the
+land, as being within the bounds of his jurisdiction.
+
+To this General Van Poffenburgh replied that the land belonged to their
+High Mightinesses, having been regularly purchased of the natives, as
+discoverers from the Manhattoes, as witness the breeches of their
+land-measurer Ten Broeck.
+
+To this the governor rejoined that the land had previously been sold by
+the Indians to the Swedes, and consequently was under the petticoat
+government of her Swedish majesty, Christina; and woe be to any mortal
+that wore breeches who should dare to meddle even with the hem of her
+sacred garment.
+
+I forbear to dilate upon the war of words which was kept up for some
+time by these windy commanders; Van Poffenburgh, however, had served
+under William the Testy, and was a veteran in this kind of warfare.
+Governor Printz, finding he was not to be dislodged by these long shots,
+now determined upon coming to closer quarters. Accordingly, he descended
+the river in great force and fume, and erected a rival fortress just one
+Swedish mile below Fort Casimir, to which he gave the name of
+Helsenburg.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  JAN PRINTZ.
+]
+
+And now commenced a tremendous rivalry between these two doughty
+commanders, striving to out-strut and out-swell each other like a couple
+of belligerent turkey-cocks. There was a contest who should run up the
+tallest flagstaff and display the broadest flag; all day long there was
+a furious rolling of drums and twanging of trumpets in either fortress,
+and whichever had the wind in its favor would keep up a continual firing
+of cannon, to taunt its antagonist with the smell of gun-powder.
+
+On all these points of windy warfare the antagonists were well matched;
+but so it happened, that, the Swedish fortress being lower down the
+river, all the Dutch vessels bound to Fort Casimir with supplies had to
+pass it. Governor Printz at once took advantage of this circumstance,
+and compelled them to lower their flags as they passed under the guns of
+his battery.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE MOSQUITO PLAGUE.
+]
+
+This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride of General Van Poffenburgh,
+and sorely would he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casimir he
+beheld the flag of their High Mightinesses struck to the rival fortress.
+To heighten his vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been shown, was a
+huge trencherman, took the liberty of having the first rummage of every
+Dutch merchant-ship, and securing to himself and his guzzling garrison
+all the little round Dutch cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the
+gingerbread, the sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs of gin, and all the
+other Dutch luxuries, on their way for the solace of Fort Casimir. It is
+possible he may have paid to the Dutch skippers the full value of their
+commodities; but what consolation was this to Jacobus Van Poffenburgh
+and his garrison, who thus found their favorite supplies cut off, and
+diverted into the larders of the hostile camp? For some time this war of
+the cupboard was carried on to the great festivity and jollification of
+the Swedes, while the warriors of Fort Casimir found their hearts, or
+rather their stomachs, daily failing them. At length the summer heats
+and summer showers set in, and now, lo and behold, a great miracle was
+wrought for the relief of the Nederlandts, not a little resembling one
+of the plagues of Egypt; for it came to pass that a great cloud of
+mosquitoes arose out of the marshy borders of the river and settled upon
+the fortress of Helsenburg, being, doubtless, attracted by the scent of
+the fresh blood of these Swedish gormandizers. Nay, it is said that the
+body of Jan Printz alone, which was as big and as full of blood as that
+of a prize-ox, was sufficient to attract the mosquitoes from every part
+of the country. For some time the garrison endeavored to hold out, but
+it was all in vain; the mosquitoes penetrated into every chink and
+crevice, and gave them no rest day nor night; and as to Governor Jan
+Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, with mosquito music in his ears,
+and mosquito stings to the very end of his nose. Finally the garrison
+was fairly driven out of the fortress, and obliged to retreat to
+Tinnekonk; nay, it is said that the mosquitoes followed Jan Printz even
+thither, and absolutely drove him out of the country; certain it is, he
+embarked for Sweden shortly afterwards, and Jan Claudius Risingh was
+sent to govern New Sweden in his stead.
+
+Such was the famous mosquito war on the Delaware, of which General Van
+Poffenburgh would fain have been the hero; but the devout people of the
+Nieuw Nederlandts always ascribed the discomfiture of the Swedes to the
+miraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to the fortress of
+Helsenburg, it fell to ruin; but the story of its strange destruction
+was perpetuated by the Swedish name of Myggenborg, that is to say,
+Mosquito Castle.[12]
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a hairy, wild-looking
+man with a mohawk sitting on the ground, holding his arms and looking
+toward a musket in the grass.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter II.=
+    OF JAN RISINGH, HIS GIANTLY PERSON AND CRAFTY DEEDS; AND OF THE
+                      CATASTROPHE AT FORT CASIMIR.
+
+
+Jan Claudius Risingh, who succeeded to the command of New Sweden, looms
+largely in ancient records as a gigantic Swede, who, had he not been
+rather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of
+a Samson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and,
+withal, as crafty as he was rapacious; so that there is very little
+doubt, that, had he lived some four or five centuries since, he would
+have figured as one of those wicked giants who took a cruel pleasure in
+pocketing beautiful princesses and distressed damsels, when gadding
+about the world, and locking them up in enchanted castles, without a
+toilet, a change of linen, or any other convenience. In consequence of
+which enormities they fell under the high displeasure of chivalry, and
+all true, loyal, and gallant knights were instructed to attack and slay
+outright any miscreant they might happen to find above six feet high;
+which is doubtless one reason why the race of large men is nearly
+extinct, and the generations of latter ages are so exceedingly small.
+
+Governor Risingh, notwithstanding his giantly condition, was, as I have
+hinted, a man of craft. He was not a man to ruffle the vanity of General
+Van Poffenburgh, or to rub his self-conceit against the grain. On the
+contrary, as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused before Fort Casimir,
+displayed his flag, and fired a royal salute before dropping anchor. The
+salute would doubtless have been returned, had not the guns been
+dismounted; as it was, a veteran sentinel, who had been napping at his
+post, and had suffered his match to go out, returned the compliment by
+discharging his musket with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a comrade.
+Governor Risingh accepted this as a courteous reply, and treated the
+fortress to a second salute, well knowing its commander was apt to be
+marvellously delighted with these little ceremonials, considering them
+so many acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then prepared to land
+with a military retinue of thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the
+wilderness.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THE MAIN GUARD WAS TURNED OUT.”
+]
+
+And now took place a terrible rummage and racket in Fort Casimir, to
+receive such a visitor in proper style, and to make an imposing
+appearance. The main guard was turned out as soon as possible, equipped
+to the best advantage in the few suits of regimentals, which had to do
+duty by turns with the whole garrison. One tall, lank fellow appeared in
+a little man’s coat, with the buttons between his shoulders; the skirts
+scarce covering his bottom; his hands hanging like spades out of the
+sleeves and the coat linked in front by worsted loops made out of a pair
+of red garters. Another had a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head,
+and decorated with a bunch of cock’s tails; a third had a pair of rusty
+gaiters hanging about his heels; while a fourth, a little duck-legged
+fellow, was equipped in a pair of the general’s cast-off breeches, which
+he held up with one hand while he grasped his firelock with the other.
+The rest were accoutred in similar style, except three ragamuffins
+without shirts, and with but a pair and a half of breeches between them;
+wherefore they were sent to the black hole, to keep them out of sight,
+that they might not disgrace the fortress.
+
+His men being thus gallantly arrayed,—those who lacked muskets
+shouldering spades and pickaxes, and every man being ordered to tuck in
+his shirt-tail and pull up his brogues,—General Van Poffenburgh first
+took a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous More
+of More-hall,[13] was his invariable practice on all great occasions;
+this done, he put himself at their head, and issued forth from his
+castle, like a mighty giant, just refreshed with wine. But when the two
+heroes met, they began a scene of warlike parade that beggars all
+description. The shrewd Risingh, who had grown gray much before his time
+in consequence of his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion
+of the great Van Poffenburgh, and humored him in all his valorous
+fantasies.
+
+Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front of each other; they
+carried arms and they presented arms; they gave the standing salute and
+the passing salute; they rolled their drums, they nourished their fifes,
+and they waved their colors; they faced to the left, and they faced to
+the right, and they faced to the rightabout; they wheeled forward, and
+they wheeled backward, and they wheeled into _echellon_; they marched
+and they countermarched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, and by
+subdivisions; by platoons, by sections, and by files; in quick time, in
+slow time, and in no time at all; for, having gone through all the
+evolutions of two great armies, including the eighteen manœuvres of
+Dundas; having exhausted all they could recollect or imagine of military
+tactics, including sundry strange and irregular evolutions, the like of
+which were never seen before nor since, except among certain of our
+newly raised militia,—the two commanders and their respective troops
+came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war.
+Never did two valiant trainband captains, or two buskined theatric
+heroes, in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other
+heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows-looking,
+duck-legged, heavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “WITH GREAT CEREMONY, INTO THE FORT.”
+]
+
+These military compliments being finished, General Van Poffenburgh
+escorted his illustrious visitor, with great ceremony, into the Fort;
+attended him throughout the fortifications; showed him the horn-works,
+crown-works, half-moons, and various other outworks, or rather the
+places where they ought to be erected, and where they might be erected
+if he pleased; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of “great
+capability,” and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it was
+evidently a formidable fortress, in embryo. This survey over, he next
+had the whole garrison put under arms, exercised, and reviewed; and
+concluded by ordering the three bridewell birds to be hauled out of the
+black hole, brought up to the halberds, and soundly flogged, for the
+amusement of his visitor, and to convince him that he was a great
+disciplinarian.
+
+The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright with
+the puissance of the great Van Poffenburgh, took silent note of the
+incompetency of his garrison,—of which he gave a wink to his trusty
+followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most
+obstreperously—in their sleeves.
+
+The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party
+adjourned to the table; for among his other great qualities, the general
+was remarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in one afternoon’s
+campaign would leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the
+whole course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless
+victories do still remain on record; and the whole province was once
+thrown into amaze by the return of one of his campaigns, wherein it was
+stated, that, though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to
+back him, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and
+utterly annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten
+thousand cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and
+fifty kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and
+thirty-five pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars
+of iron, besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and garden-stuff:—an
+achievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and his
+all-devouring army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let
+Van Poffenburgh and his garrison loose in an enemy’s country, and in a
+little while they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants.
+
+No sooner, therefore, had the general received intimation of the visit
+of Governor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, and
+privately sent out a detachment of the most experienced veterans, to rob
+all the hen-roosts in the neighborhood, and lay the pigsties under
+contribution,—a service which they discharged with such zeal and
+promptitude, that the garrison-table groaned under the weight of their
+spoils.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “TO ROB ALL THE HEN-ROOSTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.”
+]
+
+I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see the valiant Van
+Poffenburgh, as he presided at the head of the banquet; it was a sight
+worth beholding:—there he sat, in his greatest glory, surrounded by his
+soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues
+he did most ably imitate,—telling astonishing stories of his
+hair-breadth adventures and heroic exploits; at which, though all his
+auditors knew them to be incontinent lies and outrageous gasconadoes,
+yet did they cast up their eyes in admiration, and utter many
+interjections of astonishment. Nor could the general pronounce anything
+that bore the remotest resemblance to a joke, but the stout Risingh
+would strike his brawny fist upon the table till every glass rattled
+again, throw himself back in the chair, utter gigantic peals of
+laughter, and swear most horribly it was the best joke he ever heard in
+his life. Thus all was rout and revelry and hideous carousal within Fort
+Casimir; and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh ply the bottle, that in less
+than four short hours he made himself and his whole garrison, who all
+sedulously emulated in the deeds of their chieftain, dead drunk, with
+singing songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking patriotic toasts, none of
+which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea in chancery.
+
+No sooner did things come to this pass, than Risingh and his Swedes, who
+had cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied
+them neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort, and all its
+dependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, administering at
+the same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could
+be made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortification
+in order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend Suen Schüte,
+otherwise called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to
+the command, and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison
+and its puissant commander, who, when brought to himself by a sound
+drubbing, bore no little resemblance to a “deboshed fish,” or bloated
+sea-monster, caught upon dry land.
+
+The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission
+of intelligence to New Amsterdam; for much as the cunning Risingh
+exulted in his stratagem, yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy
+Peter Stuyvesant, whose name spread as much terror in the neighborhood
+as did whilom that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among his scurvy
+enemies the Turks.
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter III.=
+   SHOWING HOW PROFOUND SECRETS ARE OFTEN BROUGHT TO LIGHT; WITH THE
+PROCEEDINGS OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG WHEN HE HEARD OF THE MISFORTUNES OF
+                        GENERAL VAN POFFENBURGH.
+
+
+Whoever first described common fame, or rumor, as belonging to the sager
+sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth certain feminine
+qualities to an astonishing degree, particularly that benevolent anxiety
+to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually
+hunting after secrets, and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is
+done openly and in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice
+of; but whenever a transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be
+shrouded in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wit’s end to find
+it out, and takes a most mischievous and lady-like pleasure in
+publishing it to the world.
+
+It is this truly feminine propensity which induces her continually
+to be prying into the cabinets of princes, listening at the
+key-holes of senate-chambers, and peering through chinks and
+crannies, when our worthy Congress are sitting with closed doors;
+deliberating between a dozen excellent modes of ruining the nation.
+It is this which makes her so baneful to all wary statesmen and
+intriguing commanders,—such a stumbling-block to private
+negotiations and secret expeditions,—betraying them by means and
+instruments which never would have been thought of by any but a
+female head.
+
+Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt the
+cunning Risingh imagined, that, by securing the garrison, he should for
+a long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of
+the gallant Stuyvesant; but his exploit was blown to the world when he
+least expected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have
+suspected of enlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  DIRK SCHUILER.
+]
+
+This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a kind of hanger-on to the
+garrison, who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to be
+self-outlawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopolites who shark about
+the world as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest the
+skirts of society like poachers and interlopers. Every garrison and
+country village has one or more scape-goats of this kind, whose life is
+a kind of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the
+Lord knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created
+for no other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honorable
+order of idleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some
+Indian blood in his veins, which was manifested by a certain Indian
+complexion and cast of countenance, but more especially by his
+propensities and habits. He was a tall, lank fellow, swift of foot, and
+long-winded. He was generally equipped in a half Indian dress, with
+belt, leggings, and moccasins. His hair hung in straight gallows-locks
+about his ears, and added not a little to his sharking demeanor. It is
+an old remark, that persons of Indian mixture are half civilized, half
+savage, and half devil,—a third half being provided for their particular
+convenience. It is for similar reasons and probably with equal truth,
+that the backwoodsmen of Kentucky are styled half man, half horse, and
+half alligator, by the settlers on the Mississippi, and held accordingly
+in great respect and abhorrence.
+
+The above character may have presented itself to the garrison as
+applicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk.
+Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one,—was an utter enemy
+to work, holding it in no manner of estimation,—but lounging about the
+fort, depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he
+could get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every
+day or two he was sure to get a sound rib-roasting for some of his
+misdemeanors, which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light
+of, and scrupled not to repeat the offence whenever another opportunity
+presented. Sometimes, in consequence of some flagrant villany, he would
+abscond from the garrison, and be absent for a month at a time, skulking
+about the woods and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder,
+lying in ambush for game,—or squatting himself down on the edge of a
+pond, catching fish for hours together, and bearing no little
+resemblance to that notable bird of the crane family, ycleped the
+Mudpoke. When he thought his crimes had been forgotten or forgiven, he
+would sneak back to the fort with a bundle of skins, or a load of
+poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and would exchange them for
+liquor, with which having well soaked his carcass, he would lie in the
+sun and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that swinish philosopher
+Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farmyards in the country into
+which he made fearful inroads; and sometimes he would make his sudden
+appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole neighborhood at
+his heels,—like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in his maraudings
+and hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler; and from the total
+indifference he showed to the world and its concerns, and from his truly
+Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have dreamt that he
+would have been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh.
+
+When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the brave
+Poffenburgh and his watchful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room to
+room, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or useless hound, whom nobody
+noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn
+people, his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his
+prowlings he overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately
+settled in his own mind how he should turn the matter to his own
+advantage. He played the perfect jack-of-both-sides, that is to say, he
+made a prize of everything that came in his reach, robbed both parties,
+stuck the copper-bound cocked hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his
+head, whipped a huge pair of Risingh’s jackboots under his arm, and took
+to his heels just before the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “AND PADDLED OVER TO NEW AMSTERDAM.”
+]
+
+Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he
+directed his flight towards his native place, New Amsterdam, whence he
+had formerly been obliged to abscond precipitately, in consequence of
+misfortune in business,—that is to say, having been detected in the act
+of sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling
+through swamps, fording brooks, swimming various rivers, and
+encountering a world of hardships that would have killed any other being
+but an Indian, a backwoodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half
+famished, and lank as a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where he stole a
+canoe, and paddled over to New Amsterdam. Immediately on landing, he
+repaired to Governor Stuyvesant, and, in more words than he had ever
+spoken before in the whole course of his life, gave an account of the
+disastrous affair.
+
+On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from his
+seat, dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the chimney,
+thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek, pulled up his
+galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as was customary
+with him when in a passion, a hideous northwest ditty. But, as I have
+before shown, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing. His
+first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stump up
+stairs to a huge wooden chest, which served as his armory, from whence
+he drew forth that identical suit of regimentals described in the
+preceding chapter. In these portentous habiliments he arrayed himself
+like Achilles in the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all the while an
+appalling silence, knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through
+his clenched teeth. Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the
+parlor and jerked down his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where
+it was usually suspended; but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew
+it from its scabbard, and as his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a
+grim smile stole over his iron visage; it was the first smile that had
+visited his countenance for five long weeks; but every one who beheld it
+prophesied that there would soon be warm work in the province!
+
+Thus armed at all points, with grisly war depicted in each feature, his
+very cocked hat assuming an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly put
+himself upon the alert, and despatched Antony Van Corlear hither and
+thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and
+crooked lanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty
+peers to assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting
+matters, according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in
+continual bustle, shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of
+every window, and stumping up and down stairs with his wooden leg in
+such brisk and incessant motion, that, as we are informed by an
+authentic historian of the times, the continual clatter bore no small
+resemblance to the music of a cooper hooping a flour-barrel.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “AND STUMPING UP AND DOWN STAIRS.”
+]
+
+A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor’s mettle, was
+not to be trifled with: the sages forthwith repaired to the
+council-chamber, seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity, and
+lighting their long pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his
+Excellency and his regimentals,—being, as all councillors should be, not
+easily flustered, nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking around
+for a moment with a lofty and soldier-like air, and, resting one hand on
+the pommel of his sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and
+spirited manner, addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue.
+
+I am extremely sorry that I have not the advantages of Livy, Thucydides,
+Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am
+told, with the speeches of all their heroes, taken down in shorthand by
+the most accurate stenographers of the time,—whereby they were enabled
+wonderfully to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with
+sublime strains of eloquence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I
+cannot possibly pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stuyvesant’s
+speech. I am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of his character,
+that he did not wrap his rugged subject in silks and ermines and other
+sickly trickeries of phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and
+vigor, who scorned to shrink in words from those dangers which he stood
+ready to encounter in very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded
+by announcing his determination to lead on his troops in person, and
+rout these costard-monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort
+Casimir. To this hardy resolution, such of his council as were awake
+gave their usual signal of concurrence; and as to the rest, who had
+fallen asleep about the middle of the harangue (their “usual custom in
+the afternoon”), they made not the least objection.
+
+And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle
+and preparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and
+thither, calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and
+tatterdemalions of the Manhattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition
+of sixpence a day, and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the
+cause of glory:—for I would have you note that your warlike heroes who
+trudge in the rear of conquerors are generally of that illustrious class
+of gentlemen who are equal candidates for the army or the bridewell, the
+halberds or the whipping-post,—for whom dame Fortune has cast an even
+die, whether they shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and
+whose deaths shall, at all events, be a lofty example to their
+countrymen.
+
+But, notwithstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks of
+honor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers
+of New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, of stirring beyond
+that home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon beholding this,
+the great Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war and sweet
+revenge, determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these
+oily citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who,
+brought up among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of
+Kentucky, delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and
+perilous expeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered
+his trusty squire Antony Van Corlear to have his state galley prepared
+and duly victualled; which being performed, he attended public service
+at the great church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor; and
+then leaving peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of
+the Manhattoes marshalled out and appointed against his return, departed
+upon his recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a short, grumpy man in
+17th-century attire standing with his arms crossed and a scowling
+expression.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter IV.=
+CONTAINING PETER STUYVESANT’S VOYAGE UP THE HUDSON, AND THE WONDERS AND
+                    DELIGHTS OF THAT RENOWNED RIVER.
+
+
+Now did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of
+nature, tempering the panting heat of summer into genial and prolific
+warmth; when that miracle of hardihood and chivalric virtue, the
+dauntless Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed
+from the fair island of Manna-hata. The galley in which he embarked was
+sumptuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes, which
+fluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of the
+stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedight,
+after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids with
+periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers,
+the like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the
+matchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no
+longer, unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood
+and discolorers of canvas.
+
+Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of the
+Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the
+bosom of the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the
+ocean, seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious
+of the illustrious burden it sustained.
+
+But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene presented to the
+contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this
+degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of
+this mighty river; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the
+dark forest, and tamed the features of the landscape; nor had the
+frequent sail of commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude
+of ages. Here and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the
+cliffs of the mountains, with its curling column of smoke mounting in
+the transparent atmosphere,—but so loftily situated that the whoopings
+of the savage children, gambolling on the margin of the dizzy heights,
+fell almost as faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost
+in the azure vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beetling brow of
+some precipice, the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid
+pageant as it passed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air,
+would bound away into the thickest of the forest.
+
+Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now
+did they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which spring up
+like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and
+were fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the
+mighty spirit Manetho, to protect his favorite abodes from the
+unhallowed eyes of mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast
+expanse of Tappan Bay, whose wide-extended shores present a variety of
+delectable scenery,—here the bold promontory, crowned with embowering
+trees, advancing into the bay,—there the long woodland slope, sweeping
+up from the shore in rich luxuriance, and terminating in the upland
+precipice,—while at a distance a long waving line of rocky heights threw
+their gigantic shades across the water. Now would they pass where some
+modest little interval, opening among these stupendous scenes, yet
+retreating as it were for protection into the embraces of the
+neighboring mountains, displayed a rural paradise, fraught with sweet
+and pastoral beauties,—the velvet-tufted lawn, the bushy copse, the
+tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh and vivid verdure, on whose
+banks was situated some little Indian village, or, peradventure, the
+rude cabin of some solitary hunter.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “SOME LITTLE INDIAN VILLAGE.”
+]
+
+The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning
+magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial
+sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the
+hills, and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems; while
+along the borders of the river were seen the heavy masses of mist,
+which, like midnight caitiffs disturbed at his approach, made a sluggish
+retreat, rolling in sullen reluctance up the mountains. At such times
+all was brightness, and life, and gayety,—the atmosphere was of an
+indescribable pureness and transparency,—the birds broke forth in wanton
+madrigals, and the freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her
+course. But when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west,
+mantling the heavens and the earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then
+all was calm, and silent, and magnificent. The late swelling sail hung
+lifelessly against the mast;—the seamen, with folded arms, leaned
+against the shrouds, lost in that involuntary musing which the sober
+grandeur of nature commands in the rudest of her children. The vast
+bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled mirror, reflecting the golden
+splendor of the heavens, excepting that now and then a bark canoe would
+steal across its surface, filled with painted savages, whose gay
+feathers glared brightly as perchance a lingering ray of the setting sun
+gleamed upon them from the western mountains.
+
+But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then did
+the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the
+worthy heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are
+inexpressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just
+served to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the
+scenery. The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern in the
+broad masses of shade the separating line between the land and water, or
+to distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now
+did the busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with
+industrious craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand
+the barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste in the semblance of lofty
+towers and high embattled castles,—trees assumed the direful forms of
+mighty giants, and the inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed
+peopled with a thousand shadowy beings.
+
+Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety of
+insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious
+concert, while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the
+whippoorwill, who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night
+with his incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed
+melancholy, listened with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish
+each sound that vaguely echoed from the shore,—now and then startled
+perchance by the whoop of some straggling savage, or by the dreary howl
+of a wolf, stealing forth upon his nightly prowlings.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE OMNIPOTENT MANETHO.
+]
+
+Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon those
+awful defiles denominated THE HIGHLANDS; where it would seem that the
+gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up
+cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. But
+in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capt mountains.
+These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the
+lakes, formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent
+Manetho confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control.
+Here, bound in adamantine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed
+by ponderous rocks, they groaned for many an age. At length the
+conquering Hudson, in its career towards the ocean, burst open their
+prison-house, rolling its tide triumphantly through the stupendous
+ruins.
+
+Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes; and these
+it is, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which
+resound throughout these awful solitudes,—which are nothing but their
+angry clamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose.
+For when the elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and
+the thunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling of these
+troubled spirits, making the mountains to rebellow with their hideous
+uproar; for at such times it is said that they think the great Manetho
+is returning once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their
+intolerable captivity.
+
+But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant
+Stuyvesant; naught occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud
+anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew
+trouble their heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The
+pilot at the helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either
+past, present, or to come;—those of his comrades who were not
+industriously smoking under the hatches were listening with open mouths
+to Antony Van Corlear, who, seated on the windlass, was relating to them
+the marvellous history of those myriads of fire-flies that sparkled like
+gems and spangles upon the dusky robe of night. These, according to
+tradition, were originally a race of pestilent sempiternous beldames,
+who peopled these parts long before the memory of man, being of that
+abominated race emphatically called _brimstones_, and who, for their
+innumerable sins against the children of men, and to furnish an awful
+warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed to infest the earth in the
+shape of these threatening and terrible little bugs, enduring the
+internal torments of that fire which they formerly carried in their
+hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are sentenced to bear
+about forever—in their tails!
+
+And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will
+hesitate to believe; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe a
+word in this whole history, for nothing which it contains is more true.
+It must be known that the nose of Antony the trumpeter was of a very
+lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of
+Golconda; being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other precious
+stones,—the true regalia of a king of good fellows, which jolly Bacchus
+grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it happened,
+that bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, having washed his
+burly visage, was leaning over the quarter-railing of the galley,
+contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the
+illustrious sun, breaking in all its splendor from behind a high bluff
+of the highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the
+refulgent nose of the sounder of brass—the reflection of which shot
+straightway down, hissing-hot, into the water, and killed a mighty
+sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel! This huge monster, being
+with infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to
+all the crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the
+wound, where it smacked a little of brimstone; and this, on my veracity,
+was the first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in these parts by
+Christian people.[14]
+
+When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant,
+and he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed,
+marvelled exceedingly; and as a monument thereof, he gave the name of
+_Antony’s Nose_ to a stout promontory in the neighborhood; and it has
+continued to be called Antony’s Nose ever since that time.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE KILLING OF THE STURGEON.
+]
+
+But hold: whither am I wandering? By the mass, if I attempt to accompany
+the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end; for
+never was there a voyage so fraught with marvellous incidents, nor a
+river so abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally
+recorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his
+crew were most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the
+highlands, by a gang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curveting
+on a flat rock, which projected into the river, and which is called the
+_Duyvel’s Dans-Kamer_ to this very day. But no! Diedrich Knickerbocker,
+it becomes thee not to idle thus in thy historic warfaring.
+
+Recollect that, while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over these
+fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and
+the charms of a thousand legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear
+of thy childhood,—recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting
+moments which should be devoted to loftier themes. Is not
+Time—relentless Time!—shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted
+hour-glass before thee? Hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the
+last sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes.
+
+Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his
+loyal crew, to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas; who, I have
+no doubt, will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at
+the great city of New Amsterdam.
+
+
+
+
+                              =Chapter V.=
+     DESCRIBING THE POWERFUL ARMY THAT ASSEMBLED AT THE CITY OF NEW
+ AMSTERDAM—TOGETHER WITH THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND
+  GENERAL VAN POFFENBURGH, AND PETER’S SENTIMENTS TOUCHING UNFORTUNATE
+                               GREAT MEN.
+
+
+While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up
+the shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little
+Dutch settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of
+warriors was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that
+invaluable fragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more
+than commonly particular; by which means I am enabled to record the
+illustrious host that encamped itself in the public square in front of
+the fort, at present denominated the Bowling Green.
+
+In the centre, then, was pitched the tent of the men of battle of the
+Manhattoes, who, being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the
+life-guards of the governor. These were commanded by the valiant Stoffel
+Brinkerhoff, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay;
+they displayed as a standard a beaver _rampant_ on a field of orange,
+being the arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry
+and the amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.[15]
+
+On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer,
+Michael Paw,[16] who lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavonia,
+and the lands away south even unto the Navesink mountains,[17] and was
+moreover patroon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trusty
+squire, Cornelius Van Vorst; consisting of a huge oyster _recumbent_
+upon a sea-green field; being the armorial bearings of his favorite
+metropolis, Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of
+warriors, heavily armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey-woolsey
+breeches, and overshadowed by broad-brimmed beavers, with short pipes
+twisted in their hat-bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud
+along the shores of Pavonia, being of the race of genuine copperheads,
+and were fabled to have sprung from oysters.
+
+At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from
+the neighborhood of Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams, and
+the Van Dams,—incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken. They
+were terrible-looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines, of that
+curious-colored cloth called thunder and lightning,—and bore as a
+standard three devil’s darning-needles, _volant_, in a flame-colored
+field.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THESE WERE OF A SOUR ASPECT.”
+]
+
+Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of the
+Waale-Boght[18] and the country thereabouts. These were of a sour
+aspect, by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts.
+They were the first institutors of that honorable order of knighthood
+called _Fly-market shirks_, and, if tradition speak true, did likewise
+introduce the far-famed step in dancing called “double trouble.” They
+were commanded by the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger,—and had, moreover,
+a jolly band of Breuckelen[19] ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto
+on conch shells.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “AS THEY DEFILED THROUGH THE PRINCIPAL GATE THAT STOOD AT THE HEAD OF
+    WALL STREET.”
+]
+
+But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, which goes on to
+describe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, and
+sundry other places, well known in history and song; for now do the
+notes of martial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, sounding afar
+from beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little while
+relieved, for lo! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they
+recognized the brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg, of
+Peter Stuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams; and beheld him approaching at
+the head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of
+the Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the
+Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description
+of the forces, as they defiled through the principal gate of the city,
+that stood by the head of Wall Street.
+
+First of all came the Van Bummels, who inhabit the pleasant borders of
+the Bronx: these were short fat men, wearing exceeding large
+trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of the trencher. They were
+the first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk.—Close in their rear
+marched the Van Vlotens, of Kaatskill, horrible quaffers of new cider,
+and arrant braggarts in their liquor.—After them came the Van Pelts of
+Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed
+steeds of the Esopus breed. These were mighty hunters of minks and
+musk-rats, whence came the word _Peltry_.—Then the Van Nests of
+Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of birds’-nests, as their name denotes. To
+these, if reports may be believed, we are indebted for the invention of
+slap-jacks, or buckwheat-cakes.—Then the Van Higginbottoms, of Wapping’s
+creek. These came armed with ferules and birchen rods, being a race of
+schoolmasters, who first discovered the marvellous sympathy between the
+seat of honor and the seat of intellect,—and that the shortest way to
+get knowledge into the head was to hammer it into the bottom.—Then the
+Van Grolls of Antony’s Nose, who carried their liquor in fair round
+little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of their canteens,
+having such rare long noses.—Then the Gardeniers of Hudson and
+thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats, such as robbing
+watermelon-patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like,
+and by being great lovers of roasted pigs’ tails. These were the
+ancestors of the renowned congressman of that name.—Then the Van Hœsens,
+of Sing-Sing, great choristers and players upon the jews-harp. These
+marched two and two, singing the great song of St. Nicholas.—Then the
+Couenhovens, of Sleepy Hollow. These gave birth to a jolly race of
+publicans, who first discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart
+of wine into a pint bottle.—Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the
+wild banks of the Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being
+much spoken of for their skill in shooting with the long bow.—Then the
+Van Bunschotens, of Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that did ever
+kick with the left foot. They were gallant bushwhackers and hunters of
+raccoons by moonlight.—Then the Van Winkles of Haerlem, potent suckers
+of eggs, and noted for running of horses, and running up of scores at
+taverns. They were the first that ever winked with both eyes at
+once.—Lastly came the KNICKERBOCKERS, of the great town of Schaghtikoke,
+where the folk lay stones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they
+should be blown away. These derive their name, as some say, from
+_Knicker_, to shake, and _Beker_, a goblet, indicating thereby that they
+were sturdy toss-pots of yore; but, in truth, it was derived from
+_Knicker_, to nod, and _Boeken_, books: plainly meaning that they were
+great nodders or dozers over books. From them did descend the writer of
+this history.
+
+Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand
+gate of New Amsterdam; the Stuyvesant manuscript indeed speaks of many
+more, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to
+hasten to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and
+martial pride of the lion-hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host
+of warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of
+his much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir.
+
+But before I hasten to record those unmatchable events which will be
+found in the sequel of this faithful history, let me pause to notice the
+fate of Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, the discomfited commander-in-chief of
+the armies of the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitableness
+of human nature, that scarcely did the news become public of his
+deplorable discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors
+were set afloat in New Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated that he had
+in reality a treacherous understanding with the Swedish commander; that
+he had long been in the practice of privately communicating with the
+Swedes; together with divers hints about “secret-service money.” To all
+of which deadly charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think
+they deserve.
+
+Certain it is, that the general vindicated his character by the most
+vehement oaths and protestations, and put every man out of the ranks of
+honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New
+Amsterdam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard
+swearers at his heels,—sturdy bottle-companions, whom he gorged and
+fattened, and who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of
+justice,—heroes of his own kidney, fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered,
+colbrand-looking swaggerers,—not one of whom but looked as though he
+could eat up an ox, and pick his teeth with the horns. These
+lifeguard-men quarrelled all his quarrels, were ready to fight all his
+battles, and scowled at every man that turned up his nose at the
+general, as though they would devour him alive. Their conversation was
+interspersed with oaths like minute guns, and every bombastic
+rodomontade was rounded off by a thundering execration, like a patriotic
+toast honored with a discharge of artillery.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “A CREW OF HARD SWEARERS.”
+]
+
+All these valorous vaporings had a considerable effect in convincing
+certain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero of
+unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul, particularly as he was
+continually protesting _on the honor of a soldier_,—a marvellously
+high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went
+so far as to propose they should immortalize him by an imperishable
+statue of plaster-of-Paris.
+
+But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived.
+Sending privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and
+having heard all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths,
+protestations, and ejaculations,—“Harkee, comrade,” cried he, “though by
+your own account you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in
+the whole province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being
+damnably traduced, and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is
+certainly hard to punish a man for his misfortunes, and though it is
+very possible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to your
+charge, yet as heaven, doubtless for some wise purpose, sees fit at
+present to withhold all proofs of your innocence, far be it from me to
+counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I cannot consent to venture my
+armies with a commander whom they despise, nor to trust the welfare of
+my people to a champion whom they distrust. Retire, therefore, my
+friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public life, with this
+comforting reflection, that, if guilty, you are but enjoying your just
+reward, and if innocent, you are not the first great and good man who
+has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this wicked
+world,—doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where there
+shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the meantime let me
+never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the
+countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself.”
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a man in 17th-century
+attire, wearing a tall hat and puffy breeches, aiming a long-barreled
+musket or pistol.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter VI.=
+ IN WHICH THE AUTHOR DISCOURSES VERY INGENUOUSLY OF HIMSELF—AFTER WHICH
+ IS TO BE FOUND MUCH INTERESTING HISTORY ABOUT PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND
+                             HIS FOLLOWERS.
+
+
+As my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a
+confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into,
+it is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands,
+bury all differences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe,
+to the end of the enterprise. My readers must doubtless perceive how
+completely I have altered my tone and deportment since we first set out
+together. I warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent
+little son of a Dutchman; for I scarcely gave them a civil word, nor so
+much as touched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as
+we jogged along together on the high road of my history, I gradually
+began to relax, to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into
+familiar discourse, until at length I came to conceive a most social,
+companionable kind of regard for them. This is just my way: I am always
+a little cold and reserved at first, particularly to people whom I
+neither know nor care for, and am only to be completely won by long
+intimacy.
+
+Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d’ye-do
+acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance? Many were
+merely attracted by a new face; and having stared me full in the
+title-page, walked off without saying a word: while others lingered
+yawningly through the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived
+curiosity, soon dropped off one by one. But, more especially to try
+their mettle, I had recourse to an expedient, similar to one which we
+are told was used by that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur; who,
+before he admitted any knight to his intimacy, first required that he
+should show himself superior to danger or hardships, by encountering
+unheard-of mishaps, slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked
+enchanters, not to say a word of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery dragons.
+On a similar principle did I cunningly lead my readers, at the first
+sally, into two or three knotty chapters, where they were most wofully
+belabored and buffeted by a host of pagan philosophers, and infidel
+writers. Though naturally a very grave man, yet could I scarcely refrain
+from smiling outright at seeing the utter confusion and dismay of my
+valiant cavaliers. Some dropped down dead (asleep) on the field; others
+threw down my book in the middle of the first chapter, took to their
+heels, and never ceased scampering until they had fairly run it out of
+sight: when they stopped to take breath, to tell their friends what
+troubles they had undergone, and to warn all others from venturing on so
+thankless an expedition. Every page thinned my ranks more and more; and
+of the vast multitude that first set out, but a comparatively few made
+shift to survive, in exceedingly battered condition, through the five
+introductory chapters.
+
+What, then! would you have had me take such sunshine, faint-hearted
+recreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance? No, no; I reserved my
+friendship for those who deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore me
+company, in spite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to
+those who adhere to me at present, I take them affectionately by the
+hand. Worthy and thrice-beloved readers! brave and well-tried comrades!
+who have faithfully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings,—I
+salute you from my heart,—I pledge myself to stand by you to the last,
+and to conduct you (so Heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold
+between my fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous
+undertaking.
+
+But, hark! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a
+bustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking
+their tents; the brazen trumpet of Antony Van Corlear makes the welkin
+to resound with portentous clangor; the drums beat; the standards of the
+Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw, wave proudly in the air.
+And now behold where the mariners are busily employed hoisting the sails
+of yon topsail schooner, and those clump-built sloops, which are to waft
+the army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware!
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “CRAMMED THE POCKETS OF HER HERO WITH GINGERBREAD AND DOUGHNUTS.”
+]
+
+The entire population of the city, man, woman, and child, turned out to
+behold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previous
+to embarkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows; many a
+fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The
+grief of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Granada could not have
+been more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of
+Abencerrages than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New
+Amsterdam on the departure of their intrepid warriors. Every love-sick
+maiden fondly crammed the pockets of her hero with gingerbread and
+doughnuts; many a copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence
+broken, in pledge of eternal constancy; and there remain extant to this
+day some love-verses written on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and
+incomprehensible to confound the whole universe.
+
+But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses, how they hung about
+the doughty Antony Van Corlear,—for he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lusty
+bachelor, fond of his joke, and withal a desperate rogue among the
+women. Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was
+away; for, besides what I have said of him, it is no more than justice
+to add, that he was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent
+attentions in comforting disconsolate wives during the absence of their
+husbands; and this made him to be very much regarded by the honest
+burghers of the city. But nothing could keep the valiant Antony from
+following the heels of the old governor, whom he loved as he did his
+very soul; so, embracing all the young vrouws, and giving every one of
+them that had good teeth and rosy lips a dozen hearty smacks, he
+departed, loaded with their kind wishes.
+
+Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of
+public distress. Though the old governor was by no means indulgent to
+the follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had
+become strangely popular among the people. There is something so
+captivating in personal bravery, that, with the common mass of mankind,
+it takes the lead of most other merits. The simple folk of New Amsterdam
+looked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden leg, that
+trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence and
+admiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tell
+about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children
+of a long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight and
+exaggeration as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adventures of
+old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed, _Old Put_) during
+our glorious Revolution. Not an individual but verily believed the old
+governor was a match for Beëlzebub himself; and there was even a story
+told, with great mystery, and under the rose, of his having shot the
+devil with a silver bullet one dark stormy night, as he was sailing in a
+canoe through Hell-gate,—but this I do not record as being an absolute
+fact. Perish the man who would let fall a drop to discolor the pure
+stream of history!
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “HAVING SHOT THE DEVIL WITH A SILVER BULLET ONE DARK STORMY NIGHT.”
+]
+
+Certain it is, not an old woman in New Amsterdam but considered Peter
+Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the public
+welfare was secure so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising,
+then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With
+heavy hearts they dragged at the heels of his troop, as they marched
+down to the riverside to embark. The governor, from the stern of his
+schooner, gave a short but truly patriarchal address to his citizens,
+wherein he recommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable
+subjects,—to go to church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their
+business all the week besides. That the women should be dutiful and
+affectionate to their husbands,—looking after nobody’s concerns but
+their own,—eschewing all gossipings and morning gaddings,—and carrying
+short tongues and long petticoats. That the men should abstain from
+intermeddling in public concerns, intrusting the cares of government to
+the officers appointed to support them,—staying at home, like good
+citizens, making money for themselves, and getting children for the
+benefit of their country. That the burgomasters should look well to the
+public interest,—not oppressing the poor nor indulging the rich,—not
+tasking their ingenuity to devise new laws, but faithfully enforcing
+those which were already made,—rather bending their attention to prevent
+evil than to punish it; ever recollecting that civil magistrates should
+consider themselves more as guardians of public morals than rat-catchers
+employed to entrap public delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one
+and all, high and low, rich and poor, to conduct themselves _as well as
+they could_, assuring them that if they faithfully and conscientiously
+complied with this golden rule, there was no danger but that they would
+all conduct themselves well enough. This done, he gave them a paternal
+benediction, the sturdy Antony sounded a most loving farewell with his
+trumpet, the jolly crews put up a shout of triumph, and the invincible
+armada swept off proudly down the bay.
+
+The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery,—that blest
+resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a
+fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by love-sick damsel,
+after the lessening bark, bearing her adventurous swain to distant
+climes!—Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallant
+squadron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the intervening
+land at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with
+silent tongues and downcast countenances.
+
+A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city: the honest burghers
+smoked their pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wistful
+look to the weather-cock on the church of St. Nicholas; and all the old
+women, having no longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten
+them, gathered their children home, and barricaded the doors and windows
+every evening at sundown.
+
+In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously
+on its voyage; and after encountering about as many storms, and
+water-spouts, and whales, and other horrors and phenomena as generally
+befall adventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind, and after
+undergoing a severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady
+called seasickness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “BARRICADED THE DOORS AND WINDOWS EVERY EVENING AT SUNDOWN.”
+]
+
+Without so much as dropping anchor and giving his wearied ships time to
+breathe, after laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued
+his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before Fort
+Casimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a terrific blast
+from the trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone
+of thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen
+Skytte, the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, whiffling voice,
+which, by reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind
+whistling through a broken bellows,—“That he had no very strong reason
+for refusing, except that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as
+he had been ordered to maintain his post to the last extremity.” He
+requested time, therefore, to consult with Governor Risingh, and
+proposed a truce for that purpose.
+
+The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so
+treacherously taken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused
+the proposed armistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which,
+like the sacred fire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were
+surrendered in ten minutes, he would incontinently storm the works, make
+all the garrison run the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a
+commander like a pickled shad. To give this menace the greater effect,
+he drew forth his trusty sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce
+and vigorous motion, that doubtless, if it had not been exceedingly
+rusty, it would have lightened terror into the eyes and hearts of the
+enemy. He then ordered his men to bring a broadside to bear upon the
+fort, consisting of two swivels, three muskets, a long duck
+fowling-piece, and two brace of horse-pistols.
+
+In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear marshalled all the forces, and
+commenced his warlike operations. Distending his cheeks like a very
+Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet,—the lusty
+choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle,—the
+warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astonishing
+blast on their conch shells,—altogether forming as outrageous a concerto
+as though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a
+modern overture.
+
+Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote the
+garrison with sore dismay,—or whether the concluding terms of the
+summons, which mentioned that he should surrender “at discretion,” were
+mistaken by Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very considerate,
+easy-tempered man, as a compliment to his discretion, I will not take
+upon me to say; certain it is he found it impossible to resist so
+courteous a demand. Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the
+cabin-boy had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a
+_chamade_ was beat on the rampart by the only drum in the garrison, to
+the no small satisfaction of both parties, who, notwithstanding their
+great stomach for fighting, had full as good an inclination to eat a
+quiet dinner as to exchange black eyes and bloody noses.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “MARCHED OUT WITH THE HONORS OF WAR.”
+]
+
+Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of
+their High Mightinesses. Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were
+allowed to march out with the honors of war; and the victorious Peter,
+who was as generous as brave, permitted them to keep possession of all
+their arms and ammunition,—the same on inspection being found totally
+unfit for service, having long rusted in the magazine of the fortress,
+even before it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh.
+But I must not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased
+with the service of his faithful squire, Van Corlear, in the reduction
+of this great fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly
+domain in the vicinity of New Amsterdam,—which goes by the name of
+Corlear’s Hook unto this very day.
+
+The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyvesant towards the Swedes,
+occasioned great surprise in the city of New Amsterdam,—nay, certain
+factious individuals, who had been enlightened by political meetings in
+the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge their
+meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now, emboldened
+by his absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Murmurs were
+heard in the very council-chamber of New Amsterdam; and there is no
+knowing whether they might not have broken out into downright speeches
+and invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his
+walking-staff, to be laid as a mace on the table of the council-chamber,
+in the midst of his counsellors; who, like wise men, took the hint, and
+forever after held their peace.
+
+[Illustration: "A]
+
+jolly man in a nightcap or baker's hat, smiling while holding out a tray
+of freshly baked rolls."
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter VII.=
+SHOWING THE GREAT ADVANTAGE THAT THE AUTHOR HAS OVER HIS READER IN TIME
+OF BATTLE—TOGETHER WITH DIVERS PORTENTOUS MOVEMENTS; WHICH BETOKEN THAT
+                 SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
+
+
+Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first
+spoonful of turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but
+tenfold quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen,
+while his projecting eyes roll greedily round, devouring everything at
+table, so did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel that hunger for
+martial glory, which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of
+Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New
+Sweden. No sooner, therefore, had he secured his conquest, than he
+stumped resolutely on, flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at
+Fort Christina.[20]
+
+This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it
+is improperly termed, creek) of the same name; and here that crafty
+governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a gray-bearded spider in
+the citadel of his web.
+
+But before we hurry into the direful scenes which must attend the
+meeting of two such potent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a
+moment, and hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed
+into, precipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by
+the general and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never
+engaged the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their
+followers by animating harangues, spiriting them up to heroic deeds,
+assuring them of the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a
+confidence in the prowess of their leaders. So the historian should
+awaken the attention and enlist the passions of his readers; and having
+set them all on fire with the importance of his subject, he should put
+himself at their head, flourish his pen, and lead them on to the
+thickest of the fight.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  ANIMATING HARANGUES.
+]
+
+An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of
+historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out
+of the Peloponnesian war, one of his commentators observes that “he
+sounds the charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He
+catalogues the allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and
+fast engages our attention. All mankind are concerned in the important
+point now going to be decided. Endeavors are made to disclose futurity.
+Heaven itself is interested in the dispute. The earth totters, and
+nature seems to labor with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime
+manner of setting out. Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin
+styles them, petty states; and thus artfully he supports a little
+subject by treating it in a great and noble method.”
+
+In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of
+peril,—having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign
+regions, surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms,—at
+this important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o’er each coming
+chapter, I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the
+events that are to follow.
+
+And here I would premise one great advantage which, as historian, I
+possess over my reader; and this it is, that, though I cannot save the
+life of my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a
+battle (both which liberties, though often taken by the French writers
+of the present reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous
+historian), yet I can now and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy
+back-stroke sufficient to fell a giant,—though, in honest truth, he may
+never have done anything of the kind,—or I can drive his antagonist
+clear round and round the field, as did Homer make that fine fellow
+Hector scamper like a poltroon round the walls of Troy; for which, if
+ever they have encountered one another in the Elysian fields, I’ll
+warrant the prince of poets has had to make the most humble apology.
+
+I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out
+“foul play!” whenever I render a little assistance to my hero, but I
+consider it one of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages,
+and one which has never been disputed. An historian is, in fact, as it
+were, bound in honor to stand by his hero; the fame of the latter is
+intrusted to his hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can.
+Never was there a general, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in
+giving account of any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the
+enemy; and I have no doubt that, had my heroes written the history of
+their own achievements, they would have dealt much harder blows than any
+that I shall recount. Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of
+their fame, it behooves me to do them the same justice they would have
+done themselves; and if I happen to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I
+give free leave to any of their descendants, who may write a story of
+the State of Delaware to take fair retaliation, and belabor Peter
+Stuyvesant as hard as they please.
+
+Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses! My pen hath long
+itched for a battle; siege after siege have I carried on without blows
+or bloodshed; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven
+and St. Nicholas, that, let the chronicles of the times say what they
+please, neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other
+historian, did ever record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant
+chieftains are now about to engage.
+
+And you, oh most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I
+could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy,—trust
+the fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me, for by the rood, come what
+may, I’ll stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I’ll make him drive
+about these losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a
+herd of recreant Cornish knights; and if he does fall, let me never draw
+my pen to fight another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don’t make
+these lubberly Swedes pay for it.
+
+No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived at Fort Christina than he
+proceeded without delay to intrench himself, and immediately on running
+his first parallel, despatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress
+to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality,
+hoodwinked at the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of
+salt fish and onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built on pine
+logs. His eyes were here uncovered, and he found himself in the august
+presence of Governor Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted,
+was a very giantly man, and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped
+round the waist with a leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts
+and pockets to set off with a warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were
+cased in a pair of foxy-colored jackboots, and he was straddling in the
+attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes before a bit of broken looking-glass,
+shaving himself with a villanously dull razor. This afflicting operation
+caused him to make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened
+exceedingly the grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear’s
+being announced, the grim commander paused for a moment in the midst of
+one of his most hard-favored contortions, and after eying him askance
+over the shoulder, with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance,
+resumed his labors at the glass.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “BEFORE A BIT OF BROKEN LOOKING-GLASS SHAVING HIMSELF.”
+]
+
+This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter,
+and demanded the purport of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in
+a few words, being a kind of shorthand speaker, a long message from his
+Excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a
+recapitulation of grievances and enumeration of claims, and concluding
+with a peremptory demand of instant surrender; which done, he turned
+aside, took his nose between his thumb and fingers, and blew a
+tremendous blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of
+defiance,—which it had doubtless learned from a long and intimate
+neighborhood with that melodious instrument.
+
+Governor Risingh heard him through, trumpet and all, but with infinite
+impatience,—leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of
+his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chain, or snapping
+his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, he bluntly replied, that Peter
+Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d——l, whither he hoped to
+send him and his crew of ragamuffins before supper-time. Then
+unsheathing his brass-hilted sword, and throwing away the
+scabbard,—“’Fore gad,” quod he, “but I will not sheathe thee again until
+I make a scabbard of the smoke-dried leathern hide of this runagate
+Dutchman.” Then having flung a fierce defiance in the teeth of his
+adversary by the lips of his messenger, the latter was reconducted to
+the portal with all the ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter,
+squire, and ambassador of so great a commander; and being again
+unblinded, was courteously dismissed with a tweak of the nose, to assist
+him in recollecting his message.
+
+No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply then he let
+fly a tremendous volley of red-hot execrations, which would infallibly
+have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder-magazine
+about the ears of the fiery Swede, had not the ramparts been remarkably
+strong, and the magazine bomb-proof. Perceiving that the works withstood
+this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible (as it really
+was in those unphilosophic days) to carry on a war with words, he
+ordered his merry men to all prepare for an immediate assault. But here
+a strange murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of
+the Van Bummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading
+from man to man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and
+discontented murmurs. For once in his life, and only for once, did the
+great Peter turn pale, for he verily thought his warriors were going to
+falter in this hour of perilous trial, and thus to tarnish forever the
+fame of the province of New Netherlands.
+
+But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in his suspicion he
+deeply wronged his most undaunted army; for the cause of this agitation
+and uneasiness simply was, that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it
+would have almost broken the hearts of these regular Dutch warriors to
+have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, it
+was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full
+stomach; and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that
+they came to be so renowned in arms.
+
+And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, and their no less hearty
+comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with
+the contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of
+their canteens and pottles as though they verily believed they were to
+be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I
+advise my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this
+chapter to a close,—giving them my word of honor, that no advantage
+shall be taken of this armistice to surprise, or in any wise molest, the
+honest Nederlanders while at their vigorous repast.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a jolly, bald man
+sitting in a chair with a large napkin tucked into his collar, holding a
+spoon over a steaming bowl of soup.]
+
+
+
+
+                            =Chapter VIII.=
+ CONTAINING THE MOST HORRIBLE BATTLE EVER RECORDED IN POETRY OR PROSE;
+          WITH THE ADMIRABLE EXPLOITS OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG.
+
+
+Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast, and finding themselves
+wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field.
+Expectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript,—Expectation
+now stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood
+still, that it might witness the affray,—like a round-bellied alderman,
+watching the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of
+all mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina.
+The sun, like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about
+the heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to get a
+peep between the unmannerly clouds that obtruded themselves in his way.
+The historians filled their ink-horns; the poets went without their
+dinners, either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because
+they could not get anything to eat. Antiquity scowled sulkily out of its
+grave, to see itself outdone,—while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in
+gaping ecstasy of retrospection on the eventful field.
+
+The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the “affair” of
+Troy, now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain,
+or mingled among the combatants in different disguises, all itching to
+have a finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted
+coppersmith, to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus
+vowed by her chastity to patronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a
+blear-eyed trull paraded the battlements of Fort Christina, accompanied
+by Diana, as a sergeant’s widow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully,
+Mars, stuck two horse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty
+firelock, and gallantly swaggered at their elbow, as a drunken
+corporal,—while Apollo trudged in their rear, as a bandy-legged fifer,
+playing most villanously out of tune.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  MARS AS A DRUNKEN COPORAL.
+]
+
+On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black eyes
+overnight, in one of her curtain-lectures with old Jupiter, displayed
+her haughty beauties on a baggage-wagon; Minerva, as a brawny
+gin-sutler, tucked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most
+heroically, in exceeding bad Dutch (having but lately studied the
+language), by way of keeping up the spirits of the soldiers; while
+Vulcan halted as a club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a
+captain of militia. All was silent awe, or bustling preparation: war
+reared his horrid front, gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his
+direful crest of bristling bayonets.
+
+And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out their hosts. Here stood
+stout Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks,—incrusted with stockades, and
+intrenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the
+breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased,
+and his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned
+above the ramparts like a grisly death’s-head.
+
+There came on the intrepid Peter,—his brows knit, his teeth set, his
+fists clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was
+the fire that raged within his bosom. His faithful squire Van Corlear
+trudged valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked
+with red and yellow ribbons, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at
+the Manhattoes. Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson.
+There were the Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks; the Van
+Nesses, the Van Tassels, the Van Grolls; the Van Hœsens, the Van
+Giesons, and the Van Blarcoms; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van
+Dams; the Van Pelts, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the
+Van Hornes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunschotens; the Van Gelders, the Van
+Arsdales, and the Van Bummels; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the
+Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander
+Spiegles;—then came the Hoffmans, the Hooghlands, the Hoppers, the
+Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the
+Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks, the Garrebrantzes, the
+Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers,
+the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenburghs, the Brinkerhoffs, the Bontecous,
+the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten Breecheses and the Tough
+Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whose names are too crabbed to
+be written, or if they could be written, it would be impossible for man
+to utter,—all fortified with a mighty dinner, and, to use the words of a
+great Dutch poet,
+
+                    “Brimful of wrath and cabbage.”
+
+For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and
+mounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch,
+exhorting them to fight like _duyvels_, and assuring them that if they
+conquered, they should get plenty of booty,—if they fell, they should be
+allowed the satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the
+service of their country, and after they were dead, of seeing their
+names inscribed in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company
+with all the other great men of the year, for the admiration of
+posterity. Finally, he swore to them, on the word of a governor (and
+they knew him too well to doubt it for a moment), that if he caught any
+mother’s son of them looking pale, or playing craven, he would curry his
+hide till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring-time. Then
+lugging out his trusty sabre, he brandished it three times over his
+head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a charge, and shouting the words “St.
+Nicholas and the Manhattoes!” courageously dashed forwards. His warlike
+followers, who had employed the interval in lighting their pipes,
+instantly stuck them into their mouths, gave a furious puff, and charged
+gallantly under cover of the smoke.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE CHARGE.
+]
+
+The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until
+they could distinguish the whites of their assailants’ eyes, stood in
+horrid silence on the covertway, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended
+the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley, that
+the very hills quaked around, and were terrified even unto an
+incontinence of water, insomuch that certain springs burst forth from
+their sides, which continue to run until the present day. Not a Dutchman
+but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire, had not the
+protecting Minerva kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and
+all, observe their usual custom of shutting their eyes, and turning away
+their heads at the moment of discharge.
+
+The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and
+falling tooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might
+be seen prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the
+sturdy Stoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarterstaff, like the giant
+Blanderon his oak-tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and
+drumming a horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery.
+There were the Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrain
+archers of yore, and plying it most potently with the long-bow, for
+which they were so justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the
+valiant men of Sing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight, by
+chanting the great song of St. Nicholas; but as to the Gardeniers of
+Hudson, they were absent on a marauding party, laying waste the
+neighboring watermelon patches.
+
+In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Antony’s Nose,
+struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed
+in a defile between two hills, by reason of the length of their noses.
+So also the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking
+with the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, in
+consequence of the hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been put
+to utter rout but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs,
+composed of the Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assistance on one
+foot. Nor must I omit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van
+Corlear, who, for a good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a
+little pursy Swedish drummer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently,
+and whom he would infallibly have annihilated on the spot, but that he
+had come into the battle with no other weapon but his trumpet.
+
+But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger
+and the fighting men of the Wallabout; after them thundered the Van
+Pelts of Esopus, together with the Van Rippers and the Van Brunts,
+bearing down all before them; then the Suy Dams, and the Van Dams,
+pressing forward with many a blustering oath, at the head of the
+warriors at Hell-gate, clad in their thunder-and-lightning gaberdines;
+and lastly, the standard-bearers and body-guard of Peter Stuyvesant,
+bearing the great beaver of the Manhattoes.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE DESPERATE STRUGGLE.
+]
+
+And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate struggle, the maddening
+ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion and self-abandonment of
+war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The
+heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang! went the guns;
+whack! went the broad-swords; thump! went the cudgels; crash! went the
+musket-stocks; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes and bloody
+noses swelling the horrors of the scene! Thick thwack, cut and hack,
+helter-skelter, higgledly-piggledly, hurly-burly, head-over-heels,
+rough-and-tumble! Dunder and blixum! swore the Dutchmen; splitter and
+splutter! cried the Swedes. Storm the works! shouted Hardkoppig Peter.
+Fire the mine! roared stout Risingh. Tanta-rar-ra-ra! twanged the
+trumpet of Antony Van Corlear;—until all voice and sound became
+unintelligible,—grunts of pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph
+mingling in one hideous clamor. The earth shook as if struck with a
+paralytic stroke; trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight; rocks
+burrowed in the ground like rabbits; and even Christina creek turned
+from its course, and ran up a hill in breathless terror!
+
+Long hung the contest doubtful; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent
+by the “cloud-compelling Jove,” in some measure cooled their ardor, as
+doth a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did
+they but pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge.
+Just at this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly
+rolling toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment,
+gazing in mute astonishment, until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud,
+revealed the flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the Patroon of Communipaw.
+That valiant chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of
+oysterfed Pavonians and a _corps de reserve_ of the Van Arsdales and Van
+Bummels, who had remained behind to digest the enormous dinner they had
+eaten. These now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with
+outrageous vigor, so as to raise the awful cloud that has been
+mentioned, but marching exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of
+great rotundity in the belt.
+
+And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders
+having unthinkingly left the field, and stepped into a neighboring
+tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe
+had wellnigh ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained
+the front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh,
+levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at
+this assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous
+warriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened elephants broke
+through the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down
+in the surge; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of
+Communipaw was trampled in the dirt; on blundered and thundered the
+heavy-sterned fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear and applying
+their feet _a parte poste_ of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with
+a vigor that prodigiously accelerated their movements; nor did the
+renowned Michael Paw himself fail to receive divers grievous and
+dishonorable visitations of shoe-leather.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “ON BLUNDERED AND THUNDERED THE HEAVY-STERNED FUGITIVES.”
+]
+
+But what, oh Muse! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he
+saw his army giving way! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a
+roar, enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked
+up new courage at the sound, or rather, they rallied at the voice of
+their leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in
+Christendom. Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed,
+sword in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen
+achievements worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the
+enemy shrank before him; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were
+driven, like dogs, into their own ditch; but as he pushed forward singly
+with headlong courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One
+aimed a blow full at his heart; but the protecting power which watches
+over the great and good turned aside the hostile blade and directed it
+to a side-pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed,
+like the shield of Achilles, with supernatural powers, doubtless from
+bearing the portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant
+turned like an angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him, as he fled, by
+an immeasurable queue, “Ah, whoreson caterpillar,” roared he, “here’s
+what shall make worms’ meat of thee!” So saying, he whirled his sword,
+and dealt a blow that would have decapitated the varlet, but that the
+pitying steel struck short and shaved the queue forever from his crown.
+At this moment an arquebusier levelled his piece from a neighboring
+mound, with deadly aim; but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped
+to tie up her garter, seeing the peril of her favorite hero; sent old
+Boreas with his bellows, who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a
+blast that blew the priming from the touch-hole.
+
+Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, surveying the field from
+the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and
+kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion and uttering a
+thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with such
+thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he
+strode down the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the Titans.
+
+When the rival heroes came face to face, each made a prodigious start in
+the style of a veteran stage-champion. Then did they regard each other
+for a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point
+of a clapper-clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude,
+then into another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the
+right side, then on the left; at last at it they went, with incredible
+ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor
+displayed in this direful encounter,—an encounter compared to which the
+far-famed battles of Ajax with Hector, of Æneas with Turnus, Orlando
+with Rodomont, Guy of Warwick with Colbrand the Dane, or of that
+renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon,
+were all gentle sports and holiday recreations. At length the valiant
+Peter, watching his opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his
+adversary to the very chine; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword,
+warded it off so narrowly, that, glancing on one side, it shaved away a
+huge canteen in which he carried his liquor,—thence pursuing its
+trenchant course, it severed off a deep coat-pocket, stored with bread
+and cheese,—which provant rolling among the armies, occasioned a fearful
+scrambling between the Swedes and Dutchmen, and made the general battle
+to wax more furious than ever.
+
+Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh,
+collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero’s crest.
+In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The biting
+steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the
+crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardness of head; but the
+brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet,
+shedding a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grisly
+visage.
+
+The good Peter reeled with the blow, and turning up his eyes beheld a
+thousand suns, besides moons and stars, dancing about the firmament; at
+length, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came
+on his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and
+might have wrecked his frame, had he not been received into a cushion
+softer than velvet, which Providence, or Minerva, or St. Nicholas, or
+some cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception.
+
+The furious Risingh, in spite of the maxim, cherished by all true
+knights, that “fair play is a jewel,” hastened to take advantage of the
+hero’s fall; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant
+dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which sent a
+chime of bells ringing triple bob-majors in his cerebellum. The
+bewildered Swede staggered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a
+pocket-pistol, which lay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the
+reeling Risingh. Let not my reader mistake; it was not a murderous
+weapon loaded with powder and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle
+charged to the muzzle with a double dram of true Dutch courage, which
+the knowing Antony Van Corlear carried about him by way of replenishing
+his valor, and which had dropped from his wallet during his furious
+encounter with the drummer. The hideous weapon sang through the air, and
+true to its course as was the fragment of a rock discharged at Hector by
+bully Ajax, encountered the head of the gigantic Swede with matchless
+violence.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THIS HEAVEN-DIRECTED BLOW DECIDED THE BATTLE.”
+]
+
+This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium
+of General Jan Risingh sank upon his breast; his knees tottered under
+him; a death-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the
+earth with such violence, that old Pluto started with affright, lest he
+should have broken through the roof of his infernal palace.
+
+His fall was the signal of defeat and victory: the Swedes gave way, the
+Dutch pressed forward; the former took to their heels, the latter hotly
+pursued. Some entered with them, pell-mell, through the sally-port;
+others stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus
+in a little while the fortress of Fort Christina, which, like another
+Troy, had stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault,
+without the loss of a single man on either side. Victory, in the
+likeness of a gigantic ox-fly, sat perched upon the cocked hat of the
+gallant Stuyvesant; and it was declared, by all the writers whom he
+hired to write the history of his expedition, that on this memorable day
+he gained a sufficient quantity of glory to immortalize a dozen of the
+greatest heroes in Christendom!
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter IX.=
+  IN WHICH THE AUTHOR AND THE READER, WHILE REPOSING AFTER THE BATTLE,
+FALL INTO A VERY GRAVE DISCOURSE—AFTER WHICH IS RECORDED THE CONDUCT OF
+                  PETER STUYVESANT AFTER HIS VICTORY.
+
+
+Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle:
+let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a
+prodigious sweat and agitation; truly, this fighting of battles is hot
+work! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give
+their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many
+horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain, that
+throughout this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, not a
+single individual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was shorn
+of his queue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant; all which, he
+observes, is a great outrage on probability, and highly injurious to the
+interest of the narration.
+
+This is certainly an objection of no little moment, but it arises
+entirely from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about
+which I have undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the
+importance of the object and the prowess of the parties concerned, there
+must have been terrible carnage, and prodigies of valor displayed before
+the walls of Christina, yet, notwithstanding that I have consulted every
+history, manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable though
+long-forgotten battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed
+or wounded in the whole affair.
+
+This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers,
+who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their
+achievements; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most
+embarrassing predicament; for, having promised my readers a hideous and
+unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and
+bloodthirsty state of mind, to put them off without any havoc and
+slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a
+multitude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk
+them by a reprieve.
+
+Had the fates only allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been
+content; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the olden
+time, but whose race is now unfortunately extinct,—any one of whom, if
+we may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great
+armies, like sheep, before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by
+his single arm.
+
+But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was
+left me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks,
+and cuffs, and bruises, and such like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot
+but compare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who,
+having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each
+other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and how he shall make the
+end of his battle answer to the beginning, inasmuch as, being mere
+spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to
+any of his combatants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was,
+when I had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into
+the midst of the enemy, to keep them from doing mischief. Many a time
+had I to restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the
+very waistband, or spitting half a dozen little fellows on his sword,
+like so many sparrows. And when I had set some hundred of missives
+flying in the air, I did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the
+ground, lest it should have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “SPITTING HALF A DOZEN LITTLE FELLOWS ON HIS SWORD.”
+]
+
+The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in a
+manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportunities I had
+to wink at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded
+in history or song.
+
+From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the
+authenticity of many of Homer’s stories. I verily believe, that, when he
+had once launched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy,
+he cut down many an honest fellow, without any authority for so doing,
+excepting that he presented a fair mark,—and that often a poor fellow
+was sent to grim Pluto’s domains, merely because he had a name that
+would give a sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such
+unprincipled liberties; let me but have truth and the law on my side,
+and no man would fight harder than myself; but since the various records
+I consulted did not warrant it, I had too much conscience to kill a
+single soldier. By St. Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece
+of business! My enemies, the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough
+to lay any crime they can discover at my door, might have charged me
+with murder outright, and I should have esteemed myself lucky to escape
+with no harsher verdict than manslaughter!
+
+And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sitting down here,
+smoking our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which
+at this moment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how
+uncertain are all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and
+toiling in this world of fair delusions! The wealth which the miser has
+amassed with so many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift
+here may squander away in joyless prodigality; the noblest monuments
+which pride has ever reared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will
+shortly tumble into ruins; and even the brightest laurels, gained by
+feats of arms, may wither, and be forever blighted by the chilling
+neglect of mankind. “How many illustrious heroes,” said the good
+Boëtius, “who were once the pride and glory of the age, hath the silence
+of historians buried in eternal oblivion!” And this it was that induced
+the Spartans, when they went to battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the
+Muses, supplicating that their achievements might be worthily recorded.
+Had not Homer tuned his lofty lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the
+valor of Achilles had remained unsung. And such, too, after all the
+toils and perils he had braved, after all the gallant actions he had
+achieved, such too had nearly been the fate of the chivalric Peter
+Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and engraved his name on
+the indelible tablet of history, just as the caitiff Time was silently
+brushing it away forever!
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THE SHADES OF DEPARTED AND LONG-FORGOTTEN HEROES.”
+]
+
+The more I reflect, the more I am astonished at the important character
+of the historian. He is the sovereign censor to decide upon the renown
+or infamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors,
+on whom it depends whether they shall live in after-ages, or be
+forgotten as were their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress,
+while the object of his tyranny exists; but the historian possesses
+superior might, for his power extends even beyond the grave. The shades
+of departed and long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above,
+while he writes, watching each movement of his pen, whether it shall
+pass by their names with neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless
+pages of renown. Even the drop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen,
+which he may either dash upon the floor, or waste in idle
+scrawlings—that very drop, which to him is not worth the twentieth part
+of a farthing, may be of incalculable value to some departed worthy, may
+elevate half a score, in one moment, to immortality, who would have
+given worlds, had they possessed them, to insure the glorious meed.
+
+Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vainglorious
+boastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On
+the contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility we
+historians assume; I shudder to think what direful commotions and
+calamities we occasion in the world; I swear to thee, honest reader, as
+I am a man, I weep at the very idea! Why, let me ask, are so many
+illustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their
+families, slighting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of
+fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war? Why are kings
+desolating empires, and depopulating whole countries? In short, what
+induces all great men of all ages and countries to commit so many
+victories and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and
+upon themselves, but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take
+them into notice, and admit them into a corner of his volume? For, in
+short, the mighty object of all their toils, their hardships, and
+privations, is nothing but _immortal fame_. And what is immortal
+fame?—why, half a page of dirty paper! Alas! alas! how humiliating the
+idea, that the renown of so great a man as Peter Stuyvesant should
+depend upon the pen of so little a man as Diedrich Knickerbocker!
+
+And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues and perils of the
+field, it behooves us to return once more to the scene of conflict, and
+inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest. The fortress of
+Christina being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to New
+Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the entire subjugation of
+the province. This was not a little promoted by the gallant and
+courteous deportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in
+battle, yet in the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous,
+merciful, and humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, nor did he make
+defeat more galling by unmanly insults; for like that mirror of knightly
+virtue, the renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great
+actions than to talk of them after they were done. He put no man to
+death; ordered no houses to be burnt down; permitted no ravages to be
+perpetrated on the property of the vanquished; and even gave one of his
+bravest officers a severe admonishment with his walking-staff, for
+having been detected in the act of sacking a hen-roost.
+
+He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the inhabitants to submit to
+the authority of their High Mightinesses; but declaring, with unexampled
+clemency, that whoever refused should be lodged at the public expense,
+in a goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have an armed retinue
+to wait on them in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent
+terms, about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath of
+allegiance; in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remain
+on the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants reside at this
+very day. I am told, however, by divers observant travellers, that they
+have never been able to get over the chapfallen looks of their
+ancestors, but that they still do strangely transmit from father to son
+manifest marks of the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy
+Amsterdammers.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “MYNHEER WILLIAM BEEKMAN.”
+]
+
+The whole country of New Sweden, having thus yielded to the arms of the
+triumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placed
+under the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the
+control of the supreme government of New Amsterdam. This great dignitary
+was called Mynheer William Beekman, or rather _Beck_-man, who derived
+his surname, as did Ovidious Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of
+his nose, which projected from the centre of his countenance, like the
+beak of a parrot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the
+Beekmans, one of the most ancient and honorable families of the
+province, the members of which do gratefully commemorate the origin of
+their dignity,—not as your noble families in England would do, by having
+a glowing proboscis emblazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all
+wearing a right goodly nose, stuck in the very middle of their faces.
+
+Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss
+of only two men: Wolfert Van Horne, a tall spare man, who was knocked
+overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind; and fat Brom Van
+Bummels, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion; both, however,
+were immortalized, as having bravely fallen in the service of their
+country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly
+fractured in the act of storming the fortress; but as it was fortunately
+his wooden leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed.
+
+And now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention that
+this immaculate hero, and his victorious army, returned joyously to the
+Manhattoes; where they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with
+them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered crew, who
+had refused allegiance; for it appears that the gigantic Swede had only
+fallen into a swoon, at the end of the battle, from which he was
+speedily restored by a wholesome tweak of the nose.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THE OLD WOMEN FLOCKED AROUND ANTONY.”
+]
+
+These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of the
+governor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle,—being
+the prison of state, of which Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal
+conqueror of Oyster Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever
+since remained in the possession of his descendants.[21]
+
+It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of
+New Amsterdam, at beholding their warriors once more return from this
+war in the wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear,
+who gave the whole history of the campaign with matchless accuracy,
+saving that he took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and
+especially of vanquishing the stout Risingh,—which he considered himself
+as clearly entitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone
+pottle.
+
+The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holiday to their little
+urchins, who followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on
+their heads, and sticks in their breeches, thus taking the first lesson
+in the art of war. As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels
+of Peter Stuyvesant wherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the
+air, and shouting “Hardkoppig Piet forever!”
+
+It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge dinner was
+prepared at the Stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where were
+assembled in one glorious constellation the great and little luminaries
+of New Amsterdam. There were the lordly Schout and his obsequious
+deputy; the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows;
+the subaltern officers at the elbows of the schepens, and so on down to
+the lowest hanger-on of police: every tag having his rag at his side, to
+finish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of
+immortal dulness. In short,—for a city feast is a city feast all the
+world over, and has been a city feast ever since the creation,—the
+dinner went off much the same as do our great corporation junketings and
+Fourth-of-July banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were devoured,
+oceans of liquor drank, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke
+honored with much obstreperous fat-sided laughter.
+
+I must not omit to mention that to this far-famed victory, Peter
+Stuyvesant was indebted for another of his many titles; for so hugely
+delighted were the honest burghers with his achievements, that they
+unanimously honored him with the name of _Pieter de Groodt_, that is to
+say, Peter the Great, or, as it was translated into English by the
+people of New Amsterdam, for the benefit of their New England visitors,
+_Piet de pig_,—an appellation which he maintained even unto the day of
+his death.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a stern, portly man in
+17th-century attire, wearing a tall hat, a fur-collared coat, and a
+belted tunic.]
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a stout man with a large
+belly, wearing a nightcap and holding a long pipe while looking over his
+shoulder.]
+
+
+
+
+                              =BOOK VII.=
+   CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG—HIS
+TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH
+                                DYNASTY.
+
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a man with a mustache
+wearing a large, dark, wide-brimmed hat and smoking a long-stemmed
+pipe.]
+
+
+
+
+                              =Chapter I.=
+ HOW PETER STUYVESANT RELIEVED THE SOVEREIGN PEOPLE FROM THE BURDEN OF
+  TAKING CARE OF THE NATION; WITH SUNDRY PARTICULARS OF HIS CONDUCT IN
+      TIME OF PEACE, AND OF THE RISE OF A GREAT DUTCH ARISTOCRACY.
+
+
+The history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes an edifying
+picture of the cares and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and a
+solemn warning to all who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor.
+Though returning in triumph and crowned with victory, his exultation was
+checked on observing the abuses which had sprung up in New Amsterdam
+during his short absence. His walking-staff, which he had sent home to
+act as vice-gerent, had, it is true, kept his council-chamber in
+order,—the counsellors eying it with awe, as it lay in grim repose upon
+the table, and smoking their pipes in silence,—but its control extended
+not out of doors.
+
+The populace unfortunately had had too much their own way under the
+slack though fitful reign of William the Testy; and though upon the
+accession of Peter Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive
+perception which mobs as well as cattle possess, that the reins of
+government had passed into stronger hands, yet could they not help
+fretting and chafing and champing upon the bit, in restive silence.
+
+Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the
+Swedes, than the old factions of William Kieft’s reign had again thrust
+their heads above water. Pot-house meetings were again held to “discuss
+the state of the nation,” where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the
+self-dubbed “friends of the people,” once more felt themselves inspired
+with the gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on every movement
+of government.
+
+Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination to govern the
+province by his individual will, his first move, on his return, was to
+put a stop to this gratuitous legislation. Accordingly, one evening,
+when an inspired cobbler was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind,
+the intrepid Peter suddenly made his appearance, with his ominous
+walking-staff in his hand, and a countenance sufficient to petrify a
+mill-stone. The whole meeting was thrown into confusion,—the orator
+stood aghast, with open mouth and trembling knees, while “horror!
+tyranny! liberty! rights! taxes! death! destruction!” and a host of
+other patriotic phrases were bolted forth before he had time to close
+his lips. Peter took no notice of the skulking throng, but strode up to
+the brawling bully-ruffian, and pulling out a huge silver watch, which
+might have served in times of yore as a town clock, and which is still
+retained by his descendants as a family curiosity, requested the orator
+to mend it, and set it going. The orator humbly confessed it was utterly
+out of his power, as he was unacquainted with the nature of its
+construction. “Nay, but,” said Peter, “try your ingenuity, man: you see
+all the springs and wheels, and how easily the clumsiest hand may stop
+it, and pull it to pieces; and why should it not be equally easy to
+regulate as to stop it?” The orator declared that his trade was wholly
+different,—that he was a poor cobbler, and had never meddled with a
+watch in his life,—that there were men skilled in the art, whose
+business it was to attend to those matters; but for his part, he should
+only mar the workmanship and put the whole in confusion. “Why, harkee,
+master of mine,” cried Peter,—turning suddenly upon him, with a
+countenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfect
+lapstone,—“dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of
+government,—to regulate, and correct, and patch, and cobble a
+complicated machine, the principles of which are above thy
+comprehension, and its simplest operations too subtle for thy
+understanding, when thou canst not correct a trifling error in a common
+piece of mechanism, the whole mystery of which is open to thy
+inspection?—Hence with thee to the leather and stone, which are emblems
+of thy head; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to the vocation for
+which Heaven has fitted thee. But,” elevating his voice until it made
+the welkin ring, “if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe, meddling
+again with the affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I’ll have
+every mother’s bastard of ye flayed alive, and your hides stretched for
+drumheads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to some purpose!”
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “‘NAY, BUT,’ SAID PETER, ‘TRY YOUR INGENUITY, MAN.’”
+]
+
+This threat, and the tremendous voice in which it was uttered, caused
+the whole multitude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on
+his head like his own swines’ bristles, and not a knight of the thimble
+present but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could
+have verily escaped through the eye of a needle. The assembly dispersed
+in silent consternation; the pseudo-statesmen, who had hitherto
+undertaken to regulate public affairs, were now fain to stay at home,
+hold their tongues, and take care of their families; and party feuds
+died away to such a degree, that many thriving keepers of taverns and
+dram-shops were utterly ruined for want of business. But though this
+measure produced the desired effect in putting an extinguisher on the
+new lights just brightening up, yet did it tend to injure the popularity
+of the Great Peter with the thinking part of the community, that is to
+say, that part which thinks for others instead of for themselves, or, in
+other words, who attend to everybody’s business but their own. These
+accused the old governor of being highly aristocratical; and in truth
+there seems to have been some ground for such an accusation; for he
+carried himself with a lofty, soldier-like air, and was somewhat
+particular in dress, appearing, when not in uniform, in rich apparel of
+the antique flaundrish cut, and was especially noted for having his
+sound leg (which was a very comely one) always arrayed in a red stocking
+and high-heeled shoe.
+
+Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchal way, seated on
+the “stoep” before his door, under the shade of a great buttonwood tree;
+but all visits of form and state were received with something of court
+ceremony in the best parlor; where Antony the Trumpeter officiated as
+high chamberlain. On public occasions he appeared with a great pomp of
+equipage, and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red
+wheels.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “SEATED ON THE ‘STOEP’ BEFORE HIS DOOR.”
+]
+
+These symptoms of state and ceremony, as we have hinted, were much
+cavilled at by the thinking (and talking) part of the community. They
+had been accustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and
+in particular had lived on terms of extreme intimacy with William the
+Testy; and they accused Peter Stuyvesant of assuming too much dignity
+and reserve, and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, however, have
+pretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on the part of the old
+governor. It is certainly of the first importance, say they, that a
+country should be governed by wise men: but then it is almost equally
+important that the people should think them wise; for this belief alone
+can produce willing subordination. To keep up, however, this desirable
+confidence, in rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little of
+them as possible. It is the mystery which envelopes great men, that
+gives them half their greatness. There is a kind of superstitious
+reverence for office which leads us to exaggerate the merits of the
+occupant, and to suppose that he must be wiser than common men. He,
+however, who gains access to cabinets, soon finds out by what
+foolishness the world is governed. He finds that there is quackery in
+legislation as in everything else; that rulers have their whims and
+errors as well as other men, are not so wonderfully superior as he had
+imagined, since even he may occasionally confute them in argument. Thus
+awe subsides into confidence, confidence inspires familiarity, and
+familiarity produces contempt. Such was the case, say they, with William
+the Testy. By making himself too easy of access, he enabled every
+scrub-politician to measure wits with him, and to find out the true
+dimensions not only of his person but of his mind: and thus it was that,
+by being familiarly scanned, he was discovered to be a very little man.
+Peter Stuyvesant on the contrary, say they, by conducting himself with
+dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with great reverence. As he
+never gave credit for very profound ones; every movement, however
+intrinsically unimportant, was a matter of speculation; and his very red
+stockings excited some respect, as being different from the stockings of
+other men.
+
+Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was that he had a great leaning
+in favor of the patricians; and indeed in his time rose many of those
+mighty Dutch families which have taken such vigorous root, and branched
+out so luxuriantly in our State. Some, to be sure, were of earlier date,
+such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden
+Broeks, and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of
+“Discoverers,” from having been engaged in the nautical expedition from
+Communipaw, in which they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate
+and Buttermilk Channel, and discovered a site for New Amsterdam.
+
+Others claimed to themselves the appellation of “Conquerors,” from their
+gallant achievements in New Sweden and their victory over the Yankees at
+Oyster Bay. Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore
+enumerated, beginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the Ten
+Eycks, and extending to the Rutgers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and
+the Schermerhorns,—a roll equal to the Doomsday-Book of William the
+Conqueror, and establishing the heroic origin of many an ancient
+aristocratical Dutch family. These, after all, are the only legitimate
+nobility and lords of the soil; these are the real “beavers of the
+Manhattoes”; and much does it grieve me in modern days to see them
+elbowed aside by foreign invaders, and more especially by those
+ingenious people, “the Sons of the Pilgrims”; who out-bargain them in
+the market, out-speculate them on the exchange, out-top them in fortune,
+and run up mushroom palaces so high, that the tallest Dutch family
+mansion has not wind enough left for its weather-cock.
+
+In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, however, the good old Dutch
+aristocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in
+round-crowned flaundrish hat with brim of vast circumference, in portly
+gabardine and bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his “stoep,” and
+smoked his pipe in lordly silence; nor did it ever enter his brain that
+the active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyes
+worrying about in dog-day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one
+day to usurp control over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however,
+the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankees
+sneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhattoes as the
+“Copperheads,” while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity,
+and observing the slack galligaskins of their rivals, flapping like an
+empty sail against the mast, retorted upon them with the opprobrious
+appellation of “Platter-breeches.”
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “PLATTER-BREECHES.”
+]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter II.=
+  HOW PETER STUYVESANT LABORED TO CIVILIZE THE COMMUNITY—HOW HE WAS A
+   GREAT PROMOTER OF HOLIDAYS—HOW HE INSTITUTED KISSING ON NEW YEAR’S
+  DAY—HOW HE DISTRIBUTED FIDDLES THROUGHOUT THE NEW NETHERLANDS—HOW HE
+ VENTURED TO REFORM THE LADIES’ PETTICOATS, AND HOW HE CAUGHT A TARTAR.
+
+
+From what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter, I would not have it
+imagined that the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, ruling with a
+rod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he
+abounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused the brawling
+multitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in
+righteousness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to
+give thirteen loaves to the dozen, a golden rule which remains a
+monument of his beneficence. So far from indulging in unreasonable
+austerity, he delighted to see the poor and the laboring man rejoice;
+and for this purpose he was a great promoter of holidays. Under his
+reign there was a great cracking of eggs at Paas or Easter; Whitsuntide
+or Pinxter also flourished in all its bloom; and never were stockings
+better filled on the eve of the blessed St. Nicholas.
+
+New Year’s day, however, was his favorite festival, and was ushered in
+by the ringing of bells and firing of guns. On that genial day the
+fountains of hospitality were broken up, and the whole community was
+deluged with cherry-brandy, true Hollands, and mulled cider; every house
+was a temple of the jolly god; and many a provident vagabond got drunk
+out of pure economy—taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a
+year afterwards.
+
+The great assemblage, however, was at the governor’s house, whither
+repaired all the burghers of New Amsterdam with their wives and
+daughters, pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good
+Peter was devoutly observant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the
+women-kind for a Happy New Year; and it is traditional that Antony the
+Trumpeter, who acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young
+and handsome, as they passed through the antechamber. This venerable
+custom, thus happily introduced, was followed with such zeal by high and
+low, that on New Year’s day, during the reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New
+Amsterdam was the most thoroughly be-kissed community in all
+Christendom. Another great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public
+improvement was the distribution of fiddles throughout the land. These
+were placed in the hands of veteran negroes, who were despatched as
+missionaries to every part of the province. This measure, it is said,
+was first suggested by Antony the Trumpeter; and the effect was
+marvellous. Instead of those “indignation meetings” set on foot in the
+time of William the Testy, where men met together to rail at public
+abuses, groan over the evils of the times, and make each other
+miserable, there were joyous gatherings of the two sexes to dance and
+make merry. Now were instituted “quilting bees,” and “husking bees,” and
+other rural assemblages, where, under the inspiring influence of the
+fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and followed up by the dance.
+“Raising-bees” also were frequent, where houses sprung up at the wagging
+of the fiddle-sticks, as the walls of Thebes sprang up of yore to the
+sound of the lyre of Amphion.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  NEW YEAR’S DAY AT THE GOVERNOR’S.
+]
+
+Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over hill and dale, was in those
+days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart; labor
+came dancing in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout
+the land. Happy days! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Nederlandts were
+merry rather than wise; and when the notes of the fiddle, those
+harbingers of good-humor and good-will, resounded at the close of the
+day from every hamlet along the Hudson!
+
+Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuyvesant introduced
+his favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle acquired
+that potent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained.
+Weekly assemblages were held, not in heated ballrooms at midnight hours,
+but on Saturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green
+lawn of the Battery,—with Antony the Trumpeter for master of ceremonies.
+Here would the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among
+the old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here
+would he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of
+war in the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of
+approbation to those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most
+vigorously,—and now and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to
+the buxom lass who held out longest, and tired down every
+competitor,—infallible proof of her being the best dancer.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE DANCE.
+]
+
+Once, it is true, the harmony of these meetings was in danger of
+interruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who
+of course led the fashions, made her appearance in not more than half a
+dozen petticoats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a
+nutter ran though the assembly. The young men, of course, were lost in
+admiration; but the old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially
+those who had marriageable daughters; the young ladies blushed and felt
+excessively for the “poor thing,” and even the governor himself appeared
+to be in some kind of perturbation.
+
+To complete the confusion of the good folks, she undertook, in the
+course of a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a
+dancing-master at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of
+her feet some vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of
+the graces took place, at which all the ladies present were thrown into
+great consternation; several grave country members were not a little
+moved, and the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized.
+
+The shortness of the females’ dress, which had continued in fashion ever
+since the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye; and though
+extremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the ladies, yet he
+immediately recommended that every one should be furnished with a
+flounce to the bottom. He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed
+the gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than “shuffle and
+turn,” and “double trouble”; and forbade, under pain of his high
+displeasure, any young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed
+“exhibiting the graces.”
+
+These were the only restrictions he ever imposed upon the sex; and these
+were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with
+that becoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their
+privileges are invaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been
+shown, was a sagacious man, experienced in the ways of women, took a
+private occasion to intimate to the governor that a conspiracy was
+forming among the young vrouws of New Amsterdam; and that, if the matter
+were pushed any further, there was danger of their leaving off
+petticoats altogether; whereupon the good Peter shrugged his shoulders,
+dropped the subject, and ever after suffered the women to wear their
+petticoats and cut their capers as high as they pleased,—a privilege
+which they have jealously maintained in the Manhattoes unto the present
+day.
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter III.=
+   HOW TROUBLES THICKENED ON THE PROVINCE—HOW IT IS THREATENED BY THE
+  HELDERBERGERS, THE MERRYLANDERS, AND THE GIANTS OF THE SUSQUEHANNA.
+
+
+In the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectable
+picture of the good Peter and his metropolis during an interval of
+peace. It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the
+clouds are again gathering up from all points of the compass, and, if I
+am not mistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling weather in the
+ensuing chapters.
+
+It is with some communities as it is with certain meddlesome
+individuals: they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes; and
+I have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the
+least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to the
+excessive valor of those states; for I have likewise noticed that this
+rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy where most confined;
+which accounts for its vaporing so amazingly in little states, little
+men, and ugly little women more especially.
+
+Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw Nederlandts;
+which, by its exceeding valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of
+enemies; has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size;
+and is in a fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored,
+and woe-begone little province. All which was providentially ordered to
+give interest and sublimity to this pathetic history.
+
+The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was
+caused by hostile intelligence from the old belligerent nest of
+Rensellaerstein. Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensellaerwick, was
+again in the field, at the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg,
+seeking to annex the whole of the Kaatskill mountains to his dominions.
+The Indian tribes of these mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet
+and menaced the venerable Dutch settlement of Esopus.
+
+Fain would I entertain the reader with the triumphant campaign of Peter
+Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that I hold
+all Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen
+which has recorded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these
+Helderberg commotions, they are among the flatulencies which from time
+to time afflict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a
+wind-colic, and which I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in
+silence.
+
+The next storm of troubles was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy
+Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River,
+than enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable
+race of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna,
+of whom the following mention is made by Master Hariot, in his excellent
+history:
+
+“The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion,
+behavior, and attire—their voice sounding from them as out of a cave.
+Their tobacco-pipes were three quarters of a yard long; carved at the
+great end with a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out
+the brains of a horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three
+quarters of a yard about; the rest of the limbs proportionable.”[22]
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  A SUSQUESAHANOCK.
+]
+
+These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind
+of Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the
+land; but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English
+colony of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland,—so
+called because the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before
+their eyes, were prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and
+apple-toddy. They were, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters,
+mighty wrestlers and jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake and
+bacon. They lay claim to be the first inventors of those recondite
+beverages, cock-tail, stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have
+discovered the gastronomical merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and
+canvas-back ducks.
+
+This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Baltimore, a British nobleman,
+was managed by his agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called
+Fendall, that is to say, “offend all,”—a name given him for his bullying
+propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman,
+threatening him, unless he immediately swore allegiance to Lord
+Baltimore as the rightful lord of the soil, to come, at the head of the
+roaring boys of Merryland and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep
+him and his Nederlanders out of the country.
+
+The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard
+when he received missives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the
+swaggering menaces of the bully Fendall; and as to the giantly warriors
+of the Susquehanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout,
+hand to hand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a
+giant in the whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the
+stout Risingh as such—and he was but a little one.
+
+Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River and enacting
+scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the
+necessity of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and
+inroads of the Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear; but he
+wrote to Mynheer Beekman to keep up a bold front and stout heart,
+promising, as soon as he had settled affairs in the east, that he would
+hasten to the south with his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the
+crests of the giants, and mar the merriment of the Merrylanders.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a man in 17th-century
+attire marching with a long musket over his shoulder and a confident
+expression.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter IV.=
+HOW PETER STUYVESANT ADVENTURED INTO THE EAST COUNTRY, AND HOW HE FARED
+                                 THERE.
+
+
+To explain the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against
+the crafty men of the East Country, I would observe that, during his
+campaigns on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the
+Catskill Mountains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than
+usually active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of
+the Nieuw Nederlandts.
+
+Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings
+along the border, invading armies would penetrate, from time to time,
+into the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went
+forth into the land of Canaan, with their wives and their children,
+their men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to
+settle themselves down in the land and possess it, so these chosen
+people of modern days would progress through the country in patriarchal
+style, conducting carts and wagons laden with household furniture, with
+women and children piled on top, and pots and kettles dangling beneath.
+At the tails of these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed,
+lank-sided varlets, with axes on their shoulders and packs on their
+backs, resolutely bent upon “locating” themselves, as they termed it,
+and improving the country. These were the most dangerous kind of
+invaders. It is true they were guilty of no overt acts of hostility; but
+it was notorious that, wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutchmen
+gradually disappeared, retiring slowly, as do the Indians before the
+white men, being in some way or other talked and chaffed, and bargained
+and swapped, and, in plain English, elbowed out of all those rich
+bottoms and fertile nooks in which our Dutch yeomanry are prone to
+nestle themselves.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war in disguise,
+by which the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions. He
+was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt
+to be; but if he once found it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threw
+diplomacy to the dogs—determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but
+to repair in person to the great council of the Amphictyons, bearing the
+sword in one hand and the olive-branch in the other, and giving them
+their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war.
+
+His privy councillors were astonished and dismayed when he announced his
+determination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the
+rashness of venturing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and
+barbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn a rusty
+weather-cock with a broken-winded bellows. In the fiery heart of the
+iron-headed Peter sat enthroned the five kinds of courage described by
+Aristotle; and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I
+verily believe he would have possessed them all. As to that better part
+of valor called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his
+tropical temperament.
+
+Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty follower, Antony Van
+Corlear, he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him
+the following morning on this, his hazardous enterprise. Now Antony the
+Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, but by dint of
+keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow (having
+never been married), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund, gamesome
+wag, and of great capacity in the doublet. This last was ascribed to his
+living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter Stuyvesant
+had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir.
+
+Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than
+this command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the
+stout-hearted old governor to the world’s end, with love and loyalty;
+and he moreover still remembered the frolicking, and dancing, and
+bundling, and other disports of the east country, and entertained dainty
+recollections of numerous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed
+exceedingly again to encounter.
+
+Thus then did the mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant
+but his trumpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever
+recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to
+venture openly among a whole nation of foes,—but, above all, for a plain
+downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New
+England!—never was there known a more desperate undertaking!—Ever since
+I have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless but hitherto
+uncelebrated chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action
+and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encountering.
+Oh! for a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I
+might repose on it as on a feather-bed!
+
+Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued
+thee from the machinations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing
+the powers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough, that I have
+followed thee undaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the
+horrid battle of Fort Christina?—that I have been put incessantly to my
+trumps to keep thee safe and sound,—now warding off with my single pen
+the shower of dastard blows that fell upon thy rear,—now narrowly
+shielding thee from a deadly thrust, by a mere tobacco-box,—now casing
+thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even thy stubborn ram-beaver
+failed to resist the sword of the stout Risingh,—and now, not merely
+bringing thee off alive, but triumphant, from the clutches of the
+gigantic Swede, by the desperate means of a paltry stone pottle? Is not
+all this enough, but must thou still be plunging into new difficulties,
+and hazarding in headlong enterprises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy
+historian?
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  A BUXOM LASS.
+]
+
+And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a buxom chambermaid, draws aside
+the sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly
+red-haired Phœbus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces of
+Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footed
+steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the firmament, like a
+loitering coachman, half an hour behind his time. And now behold that
+imp of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned,
+switch-tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals, and
+bracing on his thigh that trusty brass-hilted sword, which had wrought
+such fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware.
+
+Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a
+broken-winded, wall-eyed, calico mare, his stone pottle, which had laid
+low the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm, and his trumpet displayed
+vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on which
+is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See him proudly
+issuing out of the city-gate, like an iron-clad hero of yore, with his
+faithful squire at his heels, the populace following with their eyes,
+and shouting many a parting wish, and hearty cheering.—Farewell,
+Hardkoppig Piet! Farewell, honest Antony!—Pleasant be your
+wayfaring—prosperous your return! The stoutest hero that ever drew a
+sword, and the worthiest trumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE JOURNEY.
+]
+
+Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befell our
+adventurers in this their adventurous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant
+manuscript, which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem,
+written on the occasion by Dominie Ægidius Luyck,[23] who appears to
+have been the poet-laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable
+manuscript assures us, that it was a rare spectacle to behold the great
+Peter and his loyal follower hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in
+the clear countenance of nature, as they pranced it through the pastoral
+scenes of Bloemen Dael; which, in those days, was a sweet and rural
+valley, beautified with many a bright wildflower, refreshed by many a
+pure streamlet, and enlivened here and there by a delectable little
+Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping hill, and almost buried in
+embowering trees.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THEY BESTRODE THEIR CANES AND GALLOPED OFF IN HORRIBLE CONFUSION.”
+]
+
+Now did they enter upon the confines of Connecticut, where they
+encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they
+were assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who,
+mounted on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles,
+harassing them exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially
+the worthy Peter, whose silver-chased leg excited not a little marvel.
+At another place, hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set
+upon by a great and mighty legion of church-deacons, who imperiously
+demanded of them five shillings, for travelling on Sunday, and
+threatened to carry them captive to a neighboring church, whose steeple
+peered above the trees; but these the valiant Peter put to rout with
+little difficulty, insomuch that they bestrode their canes and galloped
+off in horrible confusion, leaving their cocked hats behind in the hurry
+of their flight. But not so easily did he escape from the hands of a
+crafty man of Pyquag, who, with undaunted perseverance, and repeated
+onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly switch-tailed charger,
+leaving in place thereof a villanous, foundered Narragansett pacer.
+
+But maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily
+along the course of the soft-flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves,
+says the song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain,—now
+reflecting the lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural
+beauties of the humble hamlet,—now echoing with the busy hum of
+commerce, and now with the cheerful song of the peasant.
+
+At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike
+punctilio, order the sturdy Antony to sound a courteous salutation;
+though the manuscript observes, that the inhabitants were thrown into
+great dismay when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his
+incomparable achievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the east
+country, and they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their
+manifold transgressions.
+
+But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect,
+waving his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension; for he
+verily believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had
+thrust into their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and
+peaches which ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many
+decorations in honor of his approach, as it was the custom in the days
+of chivalry to compliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of
+tapestry and gorgeous furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze
+upon him as he passed, so much does prowess in arms delight the gentle
+sex. The little children, too, ran after him in troops, staring with
+wonder at his regimentals, his brimstone breeches, and the silver
+garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I omit to mention the joy which
+many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding the jovial Van Corlear, who
+had whilom delighted them so much with his trumpet, when he bore the
+great Peter’s challenge to the Amphictyons. The kind-hearted Antony
+alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them all with infinite
+loving-kindness,—and was right pleased to see a crew of little
+trumpeters crowding around him for his blessing, each of whom he patted
+on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy
+molasses candy.
+
+
+
+
+                              =Chapter V.=
+HOW THE YANKEES SECRETLY SOUGHT THE AID OF THE BRITISH CABINET IN THEIR
+                HOSTILE SCHEMES AGAINST THE MANHATTOES.
+
+
+Now so it happened, that, while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant,
+followed by his trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress through
+the east country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his beloved
+province was forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, the British
+Cabinet. This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret
+instigations of the great council of the league; who, finding themselves
+totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of
+the Manhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the
+British government, setting forth in eloquent language the wonders and
+delights of this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a
+force might be sent out to invade it by sea, while they should
+co-operate by land.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  LORD STERLING.
+]
+
+These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British
+Lion was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail; for we are
+assured by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, that the
+astounding victory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded
+throughout Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had
+awakened the jealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the
+south. This jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of
+Lord Baltimore, who declared that the territory thus annexed lay within
+the lands granted to him by the British crown, and he claimed to be
+protected in his rights. Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed
+the whole of Nassau, or Long Island, once the Ophir of William the
+Testy, but now the kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared
+to be British territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped
+by the Nederlanders. The result of all these rumors and representations
+was a sudden zeal on the part of his Majesty Charles the Second, for the
+safety and well-being of his transatlantic possessions, and especially
+for the recovery of the New Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow
+or other, proved to be a continuity of the territory taken possession of
+for the British crown for the Pilgrims, when they landed on Plymouth
+Rock, fugitives from British oppression. All this goodly land, thus
+wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he presented, in a fit of affection, to
+his brother, the Duke of York,—a donation truly royal, since none but
+great sovereigns have a right to give away what does not belong to them.
+That this munificent gift might not be merely nominal, his Majesty
+ordered that an armament should be straightway despatched to invade the
+city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and put his brother in complete
+possession of the premises.
+
+Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. While
+the honest burghers are smoking their pipes in sober security, and the
+privy councillors are snoring in the council-chamber,—while Peter the
+Headstrong is undauntedly making his way through the east country in the
+confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand
+council to terms,—a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud
+across the Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the
+dozing Nederlanders, and to put the mettle of their governor to trial.
+
+But come what may, I here pledge my veracity, that in all warlike
+conflicts and doubtful perplexities he will ever acquit himself like a
+gallant, noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier.—Forward, then, to the
+charge! Shine out, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the
+Manhattoes; and the blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee, honest Peter
+Stuyvesant.
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter VI.=
+  OF PETER STUYVESANT’S EXPEDITION INTO THE EAST COUNTRY, SHOWING THAT
+            THOUGH AN OLD BIRD, HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND TRAP.
+
+
+Great nations resemble great men in this particular, that their
+greatness is seldom known until they get in trouble; adversity,
+therefore, has been wisely denominated the ordeal of true greatness,
+which, like gold, can never receive its real estimation until it has
+passed through the furnace. In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a
+community, or an individual (possessing the inherent quality of
+greatness) is involved in perils and misfortunes, in proportion does it
+rise in grandeur, and even when sinking under calamity, makes, like a
+house on fire, a more glorious display than ever it did in the fairest
+period of its prosperity.
+
+The vast empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing
+and concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a
+succession of drowsy ages; and were it not for its internal revolutions,
+and the subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have
+presented nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii
+and Herculaneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their
+contemporaries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano.
+The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years’
+distress, and final conflagration; Paris rose in importance by the plots
+and massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon; and even the
+mighty London has skulked through the records of time, celebrated for
+nothing of moment excepting the plague, the great fire, and Guy Faux’s
+gun-powder plot! Thus cities and empires creep along, enlarging in
+silent obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous calamity—and
+snatch, as it were, immortality from the explosion!
+
+The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive that
+the city of New Amsterdam and its dependent province are on the
+high-road to greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from every
+side, and it is really a matter of astonishment, how so small a state
+has been able, in so short a time, to entangle itself in so many
+difficulties. Ever since the province was first taken by the nose, at
+the Fort of Goed Hoop, in the tranquil days of Wouter Van Twiller, has
+it been gradually increasing in historic importance; and never could it
+have had a more appropriate chieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of
+grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+This truly headstrong hero having successfully effected his daring
+progress through the east country, girded up his loins as he approached
+Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amphictyons, which
+was to be the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing Antony Van
+Corlear, who, with his calico mare formed his escort and army a little
+in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great wind, he
+placed himself firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over
+his left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his countenance,
+and, with one arm akimbo, the hand resting on the pommel of his sword,
+rode into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his
+trumpet before him in a manner to electrify the whole community.
+
+Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion; never such a
+hurrying hither and thither about the streets; such popping of heads out
+of windows; such gathering of knots in market-places. Peter Stuyvesant
+was a straightforward man, and prone to do everything aboveboard. He
+would have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and
+sounded a parley; but the grand council knew the mettlesome hero they
+had to deal with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the
+contrary, they sent forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive
+him in a style befitting the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to
+multiply all kind of honors, and ceremonies, and formalities, and other
+courteous impediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly
+given him, equal to thanksgiving feasts. Complimentary speeches were
+made him, wherein he was entertained with the surpassing virtues,
+long-sufferings, and achievements of the Pilgrim Fathers; and it is even
+said he was treated to a sight of Plymouth Rock,—that great corner-stone
+of Yankee empire.
+
+I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which
+time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the infinite
+annoyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will I fatigue them by
+dwelling on his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length
+brought them to business. Suffice it to say, it was like most other
+diplomatic negotiations: a great deal was said and very little done; one
+conversation led to another, one conference begot misunderstandings
+which it took a dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both
+parties found themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less
+likely to come to an agreement.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “HE WAS TREATED TO A SIGHT OF PLYMOUTH ROCK.”
+]
+
+In the midst of these perplexities which bewildered the brain and
+incensed the ire of honest Peter, he received private intelligence of
+the dark conspiracy matured in the British cabinet, with the astounding
+fact that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New
+Amsterdam by sea, and that the grand council of Amphictyons, while thus
+beguiling him with subtleties, were actually prepared to co-operate by
+land!
+
+Oh! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar, when he found himself
+thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter’s toil! Now did he draw his
+trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the
+Amphictyons and put every mother’s son of them to death. Now did he
+resolve to fight his way throughout all the region of the east and to
+lay waste Connecticut River!
+
+Gallant, but unfortunate Peter! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on
+this ill-starred expedition? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with no
+other counsellor than thine own head; no other armor but an honest
+tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no other protector but
+St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter; did I not tremble
+when I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing
+powers of New England?
+
+It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van
+Corlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower the
+spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their warlike and vindictive tones, and
+prevent his making widows and orphans of half the population of Boston.
+With great difficulty he was prevailed upon to bottle up his wrath for
+the present, to conceal from the council his knowledge of their
+machinations, and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive in time
+for the salvation of the Manhattoes.
+
+The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom; he
+forthwith despatched a secret message to his councillors at New
+Amsterdam, apprising them of their danger, and commanding them to put
+the city in a posture of defence, promising to come as soon as possible
+to their assistance. This done, he felt marvellously relieved, rose
+slowly, shook himself like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den,
+in much the same manner as Giant Despair is described to have issued
+from Doubting Castle, in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim’s
+Progress.
+
+And now much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in
+this imminent jeopardy; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is
+going on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in
+a turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant; while doing one
+thing with heart and soul, he was too apt to leave everything else at
+sixes and sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent
+attending to those things in person which in modern days are trusted to
+generals and ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get
+in an uproar; all which was owing to that uncommon strength of
+intellect, which induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which
+had acquired him the renowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a person hurriedly
+stepping out of a small wooden shed or outhouse while carrying a
+squawking chicken or small animal.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter VII.=
+ HOW THE PEOPLE OF NEW AMSTERDAM WERE THROWN INTO A GREAT PANIC BY THE
+NEWS OF THE THREATENED INVASION, AND THE MANNER IN WHICH THEY FORTIFIED
+                              THEMSELVES.
+
+
+There is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a
+community where every individual has a voice in public affairs, where
+every individual considers himself the Atlas of the nation, and where
+every individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of
+his country: I say, there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher
+than such a community in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of
+tongues—such patriotic bawling—such running hither and thither—everybody
+in a hurry—everybody in trouble—everybody in the way, and everybody
+interrupting his neighbor—who is busily employed in doing nothing! It is
+like witnessing a great fire, where the whole community are agog—some
+dragging about empty engines—others scampering with full buckets, and
+spilling the contents into their neighbor’s boots—and others ringing the
+church-bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little firemen,
+like sturdy little knights storming a breach, clambering up and down
+scaling-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by way of directing
+the attack. Here a fellow, in his great zeal to save the property of the
+unfortunate, catches up an anonymous chamber-utensil, and gallants it
+off with an air of as much self-importance as if he had rescued a pot of
+money; there another throws looking-glasses and china out of the window,
+to save them from the flames; whilst those who can do nothing else run
+up and down the streets keeping up an incessant cry of _Fire! Fire!
+Fire!_
+
+“When the news arrived at Sinope,” says Lucian,—though I own the story
+is rather trite,—“that Philip was about to attack them, the inhabitants
+were thrown into violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms;
+others rolled stones to build up the walls,—everybody, in short, was
+employed, and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could
+find nothing to do; whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his
+country was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub
+with might and main up and down the Gymnasium.” In like manner did every
+mother’s son in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving
+the missive of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting
+things in confusion, and assisting the general uproar. “Every man”—saith
+the Stuyvesant manuscript—“flew to arms!”—by which is meant, that not
+one of our honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or to market
+without an old-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a
+long Dutch fowling-piece on his shoulder; nor would he go out of a night
+without a lantern; nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously
+round, lest he should come unawares upon a British army;—and we are
+informed that Stoffel Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women
+almost as brave a man as the governor himself, actually had two
+one-pound swivels mounted in his entry, one pointing out at the front
+door, and the other at the back.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “NOR WOULD HE GO OUT OF A NIGHT WITHOUT A LANTERN.”
+]
+
+But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and
+one which has since been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble
+popular meetings. These brawling convocations, I have already shown,
+were extremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant; but as this was a moment
+of unusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repress
+them, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the
+orators and politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest, and
+exceed the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, and in
+resolutions to uphold and defend the government. In these sage meetings
+it was resolved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified,
+the most formidable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the
+earth. This resolution being carried unanimously, another was
+immediately proposed,—whether it were not possible and politic to
+exterminate Great Britain? upon which sixty-nine members spoke in the
+affirmative, and only one arose to suggest some doubts, who as a
+punishment for his treasonable presumption, was immediately seized by
+the mob, and tarred and feathered,—which punishment being equivalent to
+the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwards considered as an outcast from
+society, and his opinion went for nothing. The question, therefore,
+being unanimously carried in the affirmative, it was recommended to the
+grand council to pass it into a law; which was accordingly done. By this
+measure the hearts of the people at large were wonderfully encouraged,
+and they waxed exceedingly choleric and valorous. Indeed, the first
+paroxysm of alarm having in some measure subsided,—the old women having
+buried all the money they could lay their hands on, and their husbands
+daily getting fuddled with what was left,—the community began even to
+stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low Dutch and sung
+about the streets, wherein the English were most wofully beaten, and
+shown no quarter; and popular addresses were made, wherein it was
+proved, to a certainty, that the fate of Old England depended upon the
+will of the New Amsterdammers.
+
+Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, a
+multitude of the wiser inhabitants assembled, and having purchased all
+the British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a huge
+bonfire; and, in the patriotic glow of the moment, every man present,
+who had a hat or breeches of English workmanship, pulled it off, and
+threw it into the flames,—to the irreparable detriment, loss, and ruin
+of the English manufacturers. In commemoration of this great exploit,
+they erected a pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended to
+represent the province of Nieuw Nederlandts destroying Great Britain,
+under the similitude of an Eagle picking the little Island of Old
+England out of the globe; but either through the unskilfulness of the
+sculptor, or his ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a
+goose, vainly striving to get hold of a dumpling.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of an Indigenous person in
+profile, wearing a headband with a feather or crest, large earrings, and
+a fur-collared robe.]
+
+
+
+
+                            =Chapter VIII.=
+ HOW THE GRAND COUNCIL OF THE NEW NETHERLANDS WERE MIRACULOUSLY GIFTED
+WITH LONG TONGUES IN THE MOMENT OF EMERGENCY—SHOWING THE VALUE OF WORDS
+                              IN WARFARE.
+
+
+It will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways
+of that wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to discover that
+notwithstanding all the warlike bluster and bustle of the last chapter,
+the city of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than
+before. The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this;
+and, having received his private orders to put the city in an immediate
+posture of defence, they called a meeting of the oldest and richest
+burghers to assist them with their wisdom. These were that order of
+citizens commonly termed “men of the greatest weight in the community”;
+their weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of
+their purses. Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and
+to hang like a mill-stone round the neck of the community.
+
+Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables:
+First, that the city required to be put in a state of defence; and,
+Second, that, as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost:
+which point being settled, they fell to making long speeches and
+belaboring one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about
+this time was this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so
+prevalent in this country, and which so invariably evinces itself
+wherever a number of wise men assemble together, breaking out in long,
+windy speeches, caused, as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is
+ever generated in a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they first
+introduced the ingenious method of measuring the merits of an harangue
+by the hour-glass, he being considered the ablest orator who spoke
+longest on a question. For which excellent invention, it is recorded, we
+are indebted to the same profound Dutch critic who judged of books by
+their size.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE LONG TALK AT THE COUNCIL-FIRE.
+]
+
+This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the
+customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed
+by certain philosophers to have been imbibed, together with divers other
+barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors; who were
+particularly noted for _long talks_ and _council-fires_, and never
+undertook any affair of the least importance without previous debates
+and harangues among their chiefs and _old men_. But the real cause was,
+that the people, in electing their representatives to the grand council,
+were particular in choosing them for their talents at talking, without
+inquiring whether they possessed the more rare, difficult, and ofttimes
+important talent of holding their tongues. The consequence was, that
+this deliberative body was composed of the most loquacious men in the
+community. As they considered themselves placed there to talk, every man
+concluded that his duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his
+popularity with them, required that he should harangue on every subject,
+whether he understood it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a
+chieftain, by every soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the
+corpse, until a mighty mound was formed; so, whenever a question was
+brought forward in this assembly, every member pressing forward to throw
+on his quantum of wisdom, the subject was quickly buried under a
+mountain of words.
+
+We are told that disciples, on entering the school of Pythagoras, were
+for two years enjoined silence, and forbidden either to ask questions,
+or make remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of
+holding their tongues, they were gradually permitted to make inquiries,
+and finally to communicate their own opinions.
+
+With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras
+be introduced in modern legislative bodies,—and how wonderfully would it
+have tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes!
+
+At this perilous juncture the fatal word _economy_, the stumbling-block
+of William the Testy, had been once more set afloat, according to which
+the cheapest plan of defence was insisted upon as the best; it being
+deemed a great stroke of policy in furnishing powder to economize in
+ball.
+
+Thus did dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously
+personified as a woman) seem to take a mischievous pleasure in jilting
+the venerable councillors of New Amsterdam. To add to the confusion, the
+old factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost
+strangled by the Herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with
+tenfold vigor. Whatever was proposed by Short Pipe was opposed by the
+whole tribe of Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their
+first duty to effect the downfall of their rivals, their second, to
+elevate themselves, and their third, to consult the public good; though
+many left the third consideration out of question altogether.
+
+In this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing the number of
+projects that were struck out,—projects which threw the wind-mill system
+of William the Testy completely in the background. These were almost
+uniformly opposed by the “men of the greatest weight in the community!”
+your weighty men, though slow to devise, being always great at
+“negativing.” Among these were a set of fat, self-important old
+burghers, who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative
+every plan of defence proposed. These were that class of “conservatives”
+who, having amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their
+mouths, sink, as it were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their
+lives in the in-dwelling beatitude of conscious wealth; as some
+phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed a pearl, closes its shell, sinks in
+the mud, and devotes the rest of its life to the conservation of its
+treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to these worthy old gentlemen
+pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legion of locusts preying upon
+the public property; to fit out a naval armament was to throw their
+money into the sea; to build fortifications was to bury it in the dirt.
+In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as their pockets
+were full, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick left no scar; a
+broken head cured itself; but an empty purse was of all maladies the
+slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for the patient.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THE SUDDEN ENTRANCE OF A MESSENGER.”
+]
+
+Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away that time which
+the urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and
+long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with
+which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay
+was ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compassion on their
+distracted situation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so
+ordered, that in the midst of one of their most noisy debates, on the
+subject of fortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to
+loggerheads in consequence of not being able to convince each other, the
+question was happily settled by the sudden entrance of a messenger, who
+informed them that a hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually
+advancing up the bay!
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a stern-faced man in
+17th-century attire, wearing a tall feathered hat and a ruff collar,
+while playing a large field drum.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter IX.=
+ IN WHICH THE TROUBLES OF NEW AMSTERDAM APPEARED TO THICKEN—SHOWING THE
+    BRAVERY, IN TIME OF PERIL, OF A PEOPLE WHO DEFEND THEMSELVES BY
+                              RESOLUTION.
+
+
+Like as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering and caterwauling,
+eying one another with hideous grimaces and contortions, spitting in
+each other’s faces, and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are
+suddenly put to scampering rout and confusion by the appearance of a
+house-dog, so was the no less vociferous council of New Amsterdam
+amazed, astounded, and totally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the
+enemy. Every member waddled home as fast as his short legs could carry
+him, wheezing as he went with corpulency and terror. Arrived at his
+castle, he barricadoed the street-door, and buried himself in the
+cider-cellar, without venturing to peep out, lest he should have his
+head carried off by a cannon-ball.
+
+The sovereign people crowded into the market-place, herding together
+with the instinct of sheep, who seek safety in each other’s company when
+the shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the
+fold. Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other’s
+terrors. Each man looked ruefully in his neighbor’s face, in search of
+encouragement, but only found in its woe-begone lineaments a
+confirmation of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of
+conquering Great Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of
+economy,—while the old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously
+bewailing their fate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and
+Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE ARRIVAL OF PETER.
+]
+
+Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted Peter! and how
+did they long for the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear! Indeed,
+a gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day
+after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor
+without bringing any further tidings of his safety. Many a fearful
+conjecture was hazarded as to what had befallen him and his loyal
+squire. Had they not been devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead
+and Cape Cod?—had they not been put to the question by the great council
+of Amphictyons?—had they not been smothered in onions by the terrible
+men of Pyquag? In the midst of this consternation and perplexity, when
+horror, like a mighty nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat,
+plethoric city of New Amsterdam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly
+startled by the distant sound of a trumpet: it approached, it grew
+louder and louder, and now it resounded at the city gate. The public
+could not be mistaken in the well-known sound; a shout of joy burst from
+their lips, as the gallant Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his
+faithful trumpeter, came galloping into the market-place.
+
+The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered
+round the honest Antony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with
+greetings and congratulations. In breathless accents he related to them
+the marvellous adventures through which the old governor and himself had
+gone, in making their escape from the clutches of the terrible
+Amphictyons. But though the Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary
+minuteness where anything touching the great Peter is concerned, is very
+particular as to the incidents of this masterly retreat, the state of
+the public affairs will not allow me to indulge in a full recital
+thereof. Let it suffice to say, that, while Peter Stuyvesant was
+anxiously revolving in his mind how he could make good his escape with
+honor and dignity, certain of the ships sent out for the conquest of the
+Manhattoes touched at the eastern ports to obtain supplies, and to call
+on the grand council of the league for its promised co-operation. Upon
+hearing of this, the vigilant Peter, perceiving that a moment’s delay
+were fatal, made a secret and precipitate decampment; though much did it
+grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn his back even upon a nation
+of foes. Many hair-breadth ’scapes and divers perilous mishaps did they
+sustain, as they scoured, without sound of trumpet, through the fair
+regions of the east. Already was the country in an uproar with hostile
+preparations, and they were obliged to take a large circuit in their
+flight, lurking along through the woody mountains of the Devil’s
+backbone; whence the valiant Peter sallied forth one day like a lion,
+and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three
+generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take
+possession of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful
+Antony had great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the
+excess of his wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and
+falling, sword in hand, upon certain of the border-towns, who were
+marshalling forth their draggle-tailed militia.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “THE ROOF, WHENCE HE CONTEMPLATES WITH RUEFUL ASPECT THE HOSTILE
+    SQUADRON.”
+]
+
+The first movement of the governor, on reaching his dwelling, was to
+mount the roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile
+squadron. This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of
+two stout frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, Gent., informs
+us, “three hundred valiant redcoats.” Having taken this survey, he sat
+himself down and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the reason
+of his anchoring in the harbor without obtaining previous permission so
+to do. This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous
+terms, though I have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were
+clinched, and he had a bitter, sardonic grin upon his visage all the
+while he wrote. Having despatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to
+and fro about the town with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands
+thrust into his breeches-pockets, and whistling a Low Dutch psalm-tune,
+which bore no small resemblance to the music of a northeast wind, when a
+storm is brewing. The very dogs as they eyed him skulked away in dismay;
+while all the old and ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at his
+heels, imploring him to save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless
+ravishment!
+
+The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who commanded the invaders, was couched
+in terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor; declaring
+the right and title of his British Majesty to the province; where he
+affirmed the Dutch to be mere interlopers; and demanding that the town,
+forts, etc., should be forthwith rendered into his Majesty’s obedience
+and protection; promising, at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and
+free trade to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his
+Majesty’s government.
+
+Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony
+of aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of
+John Stiles, warning him of an action of ejectment. He was not, however,
+to be taken by surprise; but, thrusting the summons into his
+breeches-pocket, stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of
+snuff with great vehemence, and then, loftily waving his hand, promised
+to send an answer next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his
+privy councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their advice, for,
+confident in his own strong head, he needed no man’s counsel, but
+apparently to give them a piece of his mind on their late craven
+conduct.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “METAMORPHOSING PUMPS INTO FORMIDABLE SOLDIERS.”
+]
+
+His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous sight to behold the
+late valiant burgomasters, who had demolished the whole British empire
+in their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places;
+crawling cautiously forth; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys;
+starting at every little dog that barked; mistaking lamp-posts for
+British grenadiers; and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing
+pumps into formidable soldiers levelling blunderbusses at their bosoms!
+Having, however, in despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the
+kind, arrived safe, without the loss of a single man, at the hall of
+assembly, they took their seats, and awaited in fearful silence the
+arrival of the governor. In a few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid
+Peter was heard in regular and stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase.
+He entered the chamber, arrayed in full suit of regimentals, and
+carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on his thigh, but tucked under
+his arm. As the governor never equipped himself in this portentous
+manner unless something of martial nature were working within his
+pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as if they saw fire and
+sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their pipes in
+breathless suspense.
+
+His first words were, to rate his council soundly for having wasted in
+idle debate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to
+putting the city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at
+those brawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province by empty
+bickerings and scurrilous invectives against an absent enemy. He now
+called upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they
+had defied and derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of the
+summons he had received to surrender, but concluded by swearing to
+defend the province as long as Heaven was on his side and he had a
+wooden leg to stand upon; which warlike sentence he emphasized by a
+thwack with the flat of his sword upon the table, that quite electrified
+his auditors.
+
+The privy councillors, who had long since been brought into as perfect
+discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, knew there
+was no use in saying a word,—so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in
+silence, like fat and discreet councillors. But the burgomasters, being
+inflated with considerable importance and self-sufficiency, acquired at
+popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh
+spirit, when they found there was some chance of escaping from their
+present jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they
+requested a copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to
+a general meeting of the people.
+
+So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have roused
+the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself,—what then must have been
+its effect upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only a Dutchman, a
+governor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man
+of the most stomachful and gun-powder disposition? He burst forth into a
+blaze of indignation,—swore not a mother’s son of them should see a
+syllable of it,—that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care
+a whiff of tobacco for either,—that they might go home, and go to bed
+like old women; for he was determined to defend the colony himself,
+without the assistance of them or their adherents! So saying he tucked
+his sword under his arm, cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up
+his loins, stumped indignantly out of the council-chamber, everybody
+making room for him as he passed.
+
+No sooner was he gone than the busy burgomasters called a public meeting
+in front of the Stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman one Dofue
+Roerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign
+of William the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter Stuyvesant on
+taking the reins of government. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread
+baker in the land, and reverenced by the populace as a man of dark
+knowledge, seeing that he was the first to imprint New-Year cakes with
+the mysterious hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such like
+magical devices.
+
+This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against Peter
+Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic
+speech, informing them of the courteous summons which the governor had
+received, to surrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his
+denying the public even a sight of the summons, which doubtless
+contained conditions highly to the honor and advantage of the province.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “A PUBLIC MEETING IN FRONT OF THE STADTHOUSE.”
+]
+
+He then proceeded to speak of his Excellency in high-sounding terms of
+vituperation, suited to the dignity of his station; comparing him to
+Nero, Caligula, and other flagrant great men of yore; assuring the
+people that the history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage
+equal to the present. That it would be recorded in letters of fire, on
+the blood-stained tablet of history! That ages would roll back with
+sudden horror when they came to view it! That the womb of time (by the
+way, your orators and writers take strange liberties with the womb of
+time, though some would fain have us believe that time is an old
+gentleman)—that the womb of time, pregnant as it was with direful
+horrors, would never produce a parallel enormity!—with a variety of
+other heart-rending, soul-stirring tropes and figures, which I cannot
+enumerate; neither, indeed, need I, for they were of the kind which even
+to the present day form the style of popular harangues and patriotic
+orations, and may be classed in rhetoric under the general title of
+RIGMAROLE.
+
+The result of this speech of the inspired burgomaster was a memorial
+addressed to the governor, remonstrating in good round terms on his
+conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roerback himself should be the
+bearer of this memorial; but this he warily declined, having no
+inclination of coming again within kicking distance of his Excellency.
+Who did deliver it has never been named in history, in which neglect he
+has suffered grievous wrong; seeing that he was equally worthy of blazon
+with him perpetuated in Scottish song and story by the surname of
+Bell-the-cat. All we know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was
+used by the grim Peter to light his pipe; which, from the vehemence with
+which he smoked it, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of an Indigenous person
+with a feathered headdress sitting on the edge of a dugout canoe on a
+beach, watching a European sailing ship in the distance.]
+
+
+
+
+                              =Chapter X.=
+  CONTAINING A DOLEFUL DISASTER OF ANTONY THE TRUMPETER—AND HOW PETER
+     STUYVESANT, LIKE A SECOND CROMWELL, SUDDENLY DISSOLVED A RUMP
+                              PARLIAMENT.
+
+
+Now did the high-minded Pieter de Groodt shower down a pannier-load of
+maledictions upon his burgomasters for a set of self-willed, obstinate,
+factious varlets, who would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did
+he omit to bestow some left-handed compliments upon the sovereign
+people, as a herd of poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious
+hardships and illustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay
+at home, and eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for
+immortality and a broken head.
+
+Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite
+even of itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his
+right-hand man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take his
+war-denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the country
+night and day,—sounding the alarm along the pastoral borders of the
+Bronx,—startling the wild solitudes of Croton,—arousing the rugged
+yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken,—the mighty men of battle of Tappan
+Bay,—and the brave boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, and
+Sleepy-Hollow,—charging them one and all to sling their powder-horns,
+shoulder their fowling-pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhattoes.
+
+Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine sex excepted, that
+Antony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So just
+stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his
+junk-bottle, well charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued
+jollily from the city gate, which looked out upon what is at present
+called Broadway, sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly
+echoes through the winding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas! never more
+were they to be gladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter!
+
+It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek
+(sagely denominated Haerlem _River_) which separates the island of
+Manna-hata from the mainland. The wind was high, the elements were in an
+uproar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adventurous sounder of
+brass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatient
+ghost upon the brink, and then bethinking himself of the urgency of his
+errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorously
+that he would swim across in spite of the devil! (Spyt den Duyvel!) and
+daringly plunged into the stream. Luckless Antony! Scarce had he
+buffeted halfway over, when he was observed to struggle violently, as if
+battling with the spirit of the waters,—instinctively he put his trumpet
+to his mouth, and giving a vehement blast—sank forever to the bottom!
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  THE DEATH OF ANTONY VAN CORLEAR.
+]
+
+The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn of the renowned
+Paladin Orlando, when expiring in the glorious field of Roncesvalles,
+rang far and wide through the country, alarming the neighbors round, who
+hurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, famed for
+his veracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them
+the melancholy affair; with the fearful addition (to which I am slow in
+giving belief) that he saw the duyvel, in the shape of a huge
+mossbonker, seize the sturdy Antony by the leg, and drag him beneath the
+waves. Certain it is, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which
+projects into the Hudson, has been called _Spyt den Duyvel_ ever since;
+the ghost of the unfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding
+solitudes, and his trumpet has often been heard by the neighbors, of a
+stormy night, mingling with the howling of the blast. Nobody ever
+attempts to swim across the creek after dark; on the contrary, a bridge
+has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in future; and
+as to the mossbonkers, they are held in such abhorrence, that no true
+Dutchman will admit them to his table, who loves good fish and hates the
+devil.
+
+Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear,—a man deserving of a better
+fate. He lived roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bachelor,
+until the day of his death; but though he was never married, yet did he
+leave behind some two or three dozen children, in different parts of the
+country,—fine, chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins; from whom, if
+legends speak true, (and they are not apt to lie) did descend the
+innumerable race of editors, who people and defend this country, and who
+are bountifully paid by the people for keeping up a constant alarm—and
+making them miserable. It is hinted, too, that in his various
+expeditions into the East he did much towards promoting the population
+of the country; in proof of which is adduced the notorious propensity of
+the people of those parts to sound their own trumpet.
+
+As some way-worn pilgrim, when the tempest whistles through his locks,
+and night is gathering round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion
+and solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the
+generous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end of
+Antony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful attendant of his footsteps;
+he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gayety and the
+martial melody of his trumpet, and had followed him with unflinching
+loyalty and affection through many a scene of direful peril and mishap.
+He was gone forever! and that, too, at a moment when every mongrel cur
+was skulking from his side. This, Peter Stuyvesant, was the moment to
+try thy fortitude; and this was the moment when thou didst indeed shine
+forth Peter the _Headstrong_!
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “APOLLO PEEPING OUT NOW AND THEN FOR AN INSTANT.”
+]
+
+The glare of day had long dispelled the horrors of the stormy night;
+still all was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face
+behind lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an instant, as if
+anxious, yet fearful, to see what was going on in his favorite city.
+This was the eventful morning when the great Peter was to give his reply
+to the summons of the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy
+council, sitting in grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite
+trumpeter, and anon boiling with indignation as the insolence of his
+recreant burgomasters flashed upon his mind.—While in this state of
+irritation, a courier arrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle
+governor of Connecticut, counselling him, in the most affectionate and
+disinterested manner, to surrender the province, and magnifying the
+dangers and calamities to which a refusal would subject him.—What a
+moment was this to intrude officious advice upon a man who never took
+advice in his whole life!—The fiery old governor strode up and down the
+chamber with the vehemence that made the bosoms of his councillors to
+quake with awe,—railing at his unlucky fate, that thus made him the
+constant butt of factious subjects, and jesuitical advisers.
+
+Just at this ill-chosen juncture, the officious burgomasters, who had
+heard of the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marching in a body
+into the room, with a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at their heels,
+and abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. This was too much for the
+spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter in a thousand
+pieces,—threw it in the face of the nearest burgomaster,—broke his pipe
+over the head of the next,—hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky
+schepen, who was just retreating out at the door, and finally prorogued
+the whole meeting _sine die_, by kicking them down-stairs with his
+wooden leg.
+
+As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their confusion and had
+time to breathe, they called a public meeting, where they related at
+full length, and with appropriate coloring and exaggeration, the
+despotic and vindictive deportment of the governor; declaring that, for
+their own parts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed,
+and mauled by the timber toe of his Excellency, but that they felt for
+the dignity of the sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage
+committed on the seat of honor of their representatives. The latter part
+of the harangue came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and
+jealous pride of character vested in all true mobs,—who, though they may
+bear injuries without a murmur, yet are marvellously jealous of their
+sovereign dignity; and there is no knowing to what act of resentment
+they might have been provoked, had they not been somewhat more afraid of
+their sturdy old governor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English—or
+the d—l himself.
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter XI.=
+  HOW PETER STUYVESANT DEFENDED THE CITY OF NEW AMSTERDAM FOR SEVERAL
+               DAYS, BY DINT OF THE STRENGTH OF HIS HEAD.
+
+
+There is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy in the spectacle
+which the present crisis of our history presents. An illustrious and
+venerable little city,—the metropolis of a vast extent of uninhabited
+country,—garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, chairmen,
+committee-men, burgomasters, schepens, and old women,—governed by a
+determined and strong-headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries,
+palisadoes, and resolutions,—blockaded by sea, beleaguered by land, and
+threatened with direful desolation from without, while its very vitals
+are torn with internal faction and commotion! Never did historic pen
+record a page of more complicated distress, unless it be the strife that
+distracted the Israelites, during the siege of Jerusalem,—where
+discordant parties were cutting each other’s throats, at the moment when
+the victorious legions of Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and
+were carrying fire and sword into the very _sanctum sanctorum_ of the
+temple.
+
+Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his grand council to the
+rout, and delivered himself from a multitude of impertinent advisers,
+despatched a categorical reply to the commanders of the invading
+squadron; wherein he asserted the right and title of their High
+Mightinesses the Lords States-General to the province of New
+Netherlands, and trusting in the righteousness of his cause, set the
+whole British nation at defiance!
+
+My anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from these disastrous
+scenes prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which
+concluded in these manly and affectionate terms:—
+
+  “As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to
+  answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as
+  merciful) shall lay upon us; all things being in his gracious
+  disposal, and we may as well be preserved by him with small forces as
+  by a great army; which makes us to wish you all happiness and
+  prosperity, and recommend you to his protection. My lords, your thrice
+  humble and affectionate servant and friend,
+
+                                                        “P. STUYVESANT.”
+
+Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair of
+horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense powder-horn on his
+side,—thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce
+little war-hat on the top of his head,—paraded up and down in front of
+his house, determined to defend his beloved city to the last.
+
+While all these struggles and dissensions were prevailing in the unhappy
+city of New Amsterdam, and while its worthy but ill-starred governor was
+framing the above-quoted letter, the English commanders did not remain
+idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors
+of the populace; and moreover circulated far and wide, through the
+adjacent country, a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already
+held out in their summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the
+simple Nederlanders with the most crafty and conciliating professions.
+They promised that every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority
+of his British Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house,
+his vrouw, and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke
+his pipe, speak Dutch, wear as many breeches as he pleased, and import
+bricks, tiles, and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing
+them on the spot. That he should on no account be compelled to learn the
+English language, nor eat codfish on Saturdays, nor keep accounts in any
+other way than by casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down
+upon the crown of his hat; as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at
+the present day. That every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his
+father’s hat, coat, shoe buckles, pipe, and every other personal
+appendage; and that no man should be obliged to conform to any
+improvements, inventions, or any other modern innovations; but, on the
+contrary, should be permitted to build his house, follow his trade,
+manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate his children, precisely as
+his ancestors had done before him from time immemorial. Finally, that he
+should have all the benefits of free trade, and should not be required
+to acknowledge any other saint in the calendar than St. Nicholas, who
+should thenceforward, as before, be considered the tutelar saint of the
+city.
+
+These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the
+people, who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested,
+and a most singular aversion to engage in a contest, where they could
+gain little more than honor and broken heads,—the first of which they
+held in philosophic indifference, the latter in utter detestation. By
+these insidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in alienating
+the confidence and affections of the populace from their gallant old
+governor, whom they considered as obstinately bent upon running them
+into hideous misadventures; and did not hesitate to speak their minds
+freely, and abuse him most heartily—behind his back.
+
+Like as a mighty grampus when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves and
+brawling surges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above the
+boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges,—so did the
+inflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise,
+contemptuous, above the clamors of the rabble.
+
+But when the British warriors found that he set their power at defiance,
+they despatched recruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and
+Nineveh, and Quag, and Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which
+had been subdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff; stirring up the progeny
+of Preserved Fish, and Determined Cock, and those other New-England
+squatters, to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the
+hostile ships prepared for an assault by water.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  DETERMINED COCK.
+]
+
+The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and
+consternation. In vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm
+and assemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community.
+The whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had
+changed into arrant old women—a metamorphosis only to be paralleled by
+the prodigies recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the
+approach of Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were
+converted into sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about
+the street.
+
+Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence,
+blockaded from without, tormented from within, and menaced with a Yankee
+invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave
+way, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat until
+it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender.
+
+Words cannot express the transports of the populace, on receiving this
+intelligence; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they
+could not have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with
+their congratulations,—they extolled their governor as the father and
+deliverer of his country,—they crowded to his house to testify their
+gratitude, and were ten times more noisy in their plaudits then when he
+returned, with victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious
+capture of Fort Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and
+windows, and took refuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that
+he might not hear the ignoble rejoicings of the rabble.
+
+Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, and a capitulation was
+speedily arranged; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should
+be signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for
+this purpose, they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His
+warlike accoutrements were laid aside,—an old Indian night-gown was
+wrapped about his rugged limbs, a red night-cap overshadowed his
+frowning brow, an iron-gray beard of three days’ growth gave additional
+grimness to his visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen,
+and essay to sign the loathsome paper,—thrice did he clinch his teeth,
+and make a horrible countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb, senna, and
+ipecacuanha had been offered to his lips; at length, dashing it from
+him, he seized his brass-hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard,
+swore by St. Nicholas, to sooner die than yield to any power under
+heaven.
+
+For two whole days did he persist in this magnanimous resolution, during
+which his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamorous
+revilings exhausted to no purpose. And now another course was adopted to
+soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was formed by the
+burgomasters and schepens, followed by the populace, to bear the
+capitulation in state to the governor’s dwelling. They found the castle
+strongly barricadoed, and the old hero in full regimentals with his
+cocked hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret-window.
+
+There was something in this formidable position that struck even the
+ignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could not
+but reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct,
+when they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faithful to
+his post, like a forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his
+ungrateful city to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon
+overwhelmed by the recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace
+arranged themselves before the house, taking off their hats with most
+respectful humility; Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class
+of orators described by Sallust as being “talkative rather than
+eloquent,” stepped forth and addressed the governor in a speech of three
+hours’ length, detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous
+situation of the province, and urging him in a constant repetition of
+the same arguments and words to sign the capitulation.
+
+The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret-window in grim silence,—now
+and then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an
+indignant grin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron
+visage. But though a man of most undaunted mettle,—though he had a heart
+as big as an ox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn,—yet
+after all he was a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated
+oppositions, and this eternal haranguing, and perceiving that unless he
+complied, the inhabitants would follow their own inclination, or rather
+their fears, without waiting for his consent, or, what was still worse,
+the Yankees would have time to pour in their forces and claim a share in
+the conquest, he testily ordered them to hand up the paper. It was
+accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a pole; and having scrawled his
+name at the bottom of it, he anathematized them all for a set of
+cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons, threw the capitulation at
+their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard stumping down-stairs
+with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinently took to their heels;
+even the burgomasters were not slow in evacuating the premises, fearing
+lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and greet them with some
+unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “A LEGION OF BRITISH BEEF-FED WARRIORS POURED INTO NEW AMSTERDAM.”
+]
+
+Within three hours after the surrender, a legion of British beef-fed
+warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and
+batteries. And now might be heard, from all quarters, the sound of
+hammers made by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and
+windows, to protect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they
+contemplated in silent sullenness from the garret-windows as they
+paraded through the streets.
+
+Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the commander of the British forces,
+enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm as _locum tenens_ for
+the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than
+that of changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which
+thenceforth were denominated NEW YORK, and so have continued to be
+called unto the present day. The inhabitants, according to treaty, were
+allowed to maintain quiet possession of their property; but so
+inveterately did they retain their abhorrence of the British nation,
+that in a private meeting of the leading citizens it was unanimously
+determined never to ask any of their conquerors to dinner.
+
+  NOTE.—Modern historians assert that when the New Netherlands were thus
+  overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens, a
+  resolute band refused to bend the neck to the invader. Led by one
+  Garret Van Horne, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they crossed the
+  bay and buried themselves among the marshes and cabbage-gardens of
+  Communipaw; as did Pelayo and his followers among the mountains of
+  Asturias. Here their descendants have remained ever since, keeping
+  themselves apart, like seed-corn, to re-people the city with the
+  genuine breed whenever it shall be effectually recovered from its
+  intruders. It is said the genuine descendants of the Nederlanders who
+  inhabit New York, still look with longing eyes to the green marshes of
+  ancient Pavonia, as did the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern
+  mountains of Asturias, considering these the regions whence
+  deliverance is to come.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a man in 17th-century
+attire standing on the deck of a ship, blowing a long trumpet with a
+banner attached.]
+
+
+
+
+                             =Chapter XII.=
+ CONTAINING THE DIGNIFIED RETIREMENT, AND MORTAL SURRENDER OF PETER THE
+                              HEADSTRONG.
+
+
+Thus, then, have I concluded this great historical enterprise; but
+before I lay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be performed one
+pious duty. If among the variety of readers who may peruse this book,
+there should haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which
+glow with celestial fire as the history of the generous and the brave,
+they will doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter
+Stuyvesant. To gratify one such sterling heart of gold I would go more
+lengths than to instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole
+fraternity of philosophers.
+
+No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the articles of
+capitulation, than, determined not to witness the humiliation of his
+favorite city, he turned his back on its walls and made a growling
+retreat to his _bouwery_, or country-seat, which was situated about two
+miles off; where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal
+retirement. There he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had
+never known amid the distracting cares of government; and tasted the
+sweets of absolute and uncontrolled authority, which his factious
+subjects had so often dashed with the bitterness of opposition.
+
+No persuasions could ever induce him to revisit the city; on the
+contrary, he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back
+to the windows which looked in that direction, until a thick grove of
+trees planted by his own hand grew up and formed a screen that
+effectually excluded it from the prospect. He railed continually at the
+degenerate innovations and improvements introduced by the conquerors;
+forbade a word of their detested language to be spoken in his family,—a
+prohibition readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak
+anything but Dutch,—and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in
+front of his house because it consisted of English cherry-trees.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “CONDUCTED EVERY STRAY HOG OR COW IN TRIUMPH TO THE POUND.”
+]
+
+The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when he had a vast
+province under his care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though in
+narrower limits. He patrolled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries
+of his little territory; repelled every encroachment with intrepid
+promptness; punished every vagrant depredation upon his orchard or his
+farmyard with inflexible severity; and conducted every stray hog or cow
+in triumph to the pound. But to the indignant neighbor, the friendless
+stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, and
+his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart,
+had always a corner to receive and cherish them. There was an exception
+to this, I must confess, in case the ill-starred applicant were an
+Englishman or a Yankee; to whom, though he might extend the hand of
+assistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality.
+Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the East should stop at
+his door, with his cartload of tin ware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter
+would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious
+clattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of “_notions_”
+was fain to betake himself to instant flight.
+
+His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, were carefully
+hung up in the state bed-chamber, and regularly aired the first fair day
+of every month; and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in
+grim repose over the parlor mantelpiece, forming supporters to a
+full-length portrait of the renowned Admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic
+empire he maintained strict discipline and a well-organized despotic
+government; but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of
+his subjects was his constant object. He watched over, not merely their
+immediate comforts, but their morals, and their ultimate welfare; for he
+gave them abundance of excellent admonition, nor could any of them
+complain, that, when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in
+bestowing wholesome correction.
+
+The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of an
+overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into sad
+disuse among my fellow-citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion
+of Governor Stuyvesant. New Year was truly a day of open-handed
+liberality, of jocund revelry, and warm-hearted congratulation, when the
+bosom swelled with genial good fellowship, and the plenteous table was
+attended with an unceremonious freedom, and honest broad-mouthed
+merriment, unknown in these days of degeneracy and refinement. Paas and
+Pinxter were scrupulously observed throughout his dominions; nor was the
+day of St. Nicholas suffered to pass by, without making presents,
+hanging the stocking in the chimney, and complying with all its other
+ceremonies.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “ON APRIL FOOL’S ERRANDS FOR PIGEON’S MILK.”
+]
+
+Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full
+regimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into New
+Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind of
+_saturnalia_ among the domestics, when they considered themselves at
+liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased: for on this
+day their master was always observed to unbend, and become exceeding
+pleasant and jocose, sending the old gray-headed negroes on April-fool’s
+errands for pigeon’s milk; not one of whom but allowed himself to be
+taken in, and humored his old master’s jokes, as became a faithful and
+well-disciplined dependant. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on
+his own land—injuring no man—envying no man—molested by no outward
+strifes—perplexed by no internal commotions;—and mighty monarchs of the
+earth, who were vainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the
+welfare of mankind, by war and desolation, would have done well to have
+made a voyage to the little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson
+in government from the domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant.
+
+In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children
+of mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged
+oak, which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and
+still retains its gigantic proportions, begins to shake and groan with
+every blast—so was it with the gallant Peter; for though he still bore
+the port and semblance of what he was in the days of his hardihood and
+chivalry, yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his
+frame,—but his heart, that unconquerable citadel, still triumphed
+unsubdued. With matchless avidity would he listen to every article of
+intelligence concerning the battles between the English and Dutch,—still
+would his pulse beat high whenever he heard of the victories of De
+Ruyter, and his countenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune
+turned in favor of the English. At length, as on a certain day he had
+just smoked his fifth pipe, and was napping after dinner, in his
+arm-chair, conquering the whole British nation in his dreams, he was
+suddenly aroused by a ringing of bells, rattling of drums, and roaring
+of cannon, that put all his blood in a ferment. But when he learnt that
+these rejoicings were in honor of a great victory obtained by the
+combined English and French fleets over the brave De Ruyter, and the
+younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart, that he took to his
+bed, and in less than three days was brought to death’s door, by a
+violent cholera morbus! Even in this extremity he still displayed the
+unconquerable spirit of Peter _the Headstrong_; holding out to the last
+gasp, with inflexible obstinacy, against a whole army of old women who
+were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch
+mode of defence, by inundation.
+
+While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was
+brought him that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat, with
+little loss, and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The
+closing eye of the old warrior kindled with martial fire at the
+words,—he partly raised himself in bed,—clinched his withered hand, as
+if he felt within his gripe that sword which waved in triumph before the
+walls of Fort Christina, and giving a grim smile of exultation, sank
+back upon his pillow, and expired.
+
+Thus died Peter Stuyvesant,—a valiant soldier—a loyal subject—an upright
+governor, and an honest Dutchman,—who wanted only a few empires to
+desolate, to have been immortalized as a hero!
+
+His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and
+solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who
+crowded in throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old
+governor. All his sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their
+recollection, while the memory of his foibles and his faults had expired
+with him. The ancient burghers contended who should have the privilege
+of bearing the pall; the populace strove who should walk nearest to the
+bier; and the melancholy procession was closed by a number of
+gray-headed negroes, who had wintered and summered in the household of
+their departed master for the greater part of a century.
+
+[Illustration:
+
+  “WELL, DEN! HARDKOPPIG PETER BEN GONE AT LAST!”
+]
+
+With sad and gloomy countenances, the multitude gathered round the
+grave. They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal
+services, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They
+recalled, with secret upbraidings, their own factious oppositions to his
+government; and many an ancient burgher, whose phlegmatic features had
+never been known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to
+puff a pensive pipe, and the big drops to steal down his cheek, while he
+muttered with affectionate accent, and melancholy shake of the
+head—“Well, den!—Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at last!”
+
+His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel which he
+had piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas,—and
+which stood on the identical spot at present occupied by St. Mark’s
+church, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or
+_bouwery_, as it was called, has ever continued in the possession of his
+descendants, who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and their
+strict adherence to the customs and manners that prevailed in the “_good
+old times_,” have proved themselves worthy of their illustrious
+ancestor. Many a time and oft has the farm been haunted at night by
+enterprising money-diggers, in quest of pots of gold, said to have been
+buried by the old governor, though I cannot learn that any of them have
+ever been enriched by their researches; and who is there, among my
+native-born fellow-citizens, that does not remember when, in the
+mischievous days of his boyhood, he conceived it a great exploit to rob
+“Stuyvesant’s orchard” on a holiday afternoon?
+
+At this stronghold of the family may still be seen certain memorials of
+the immortal Peter. His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors
+from the parlor-wall; his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the best
+bedroom; his brimstone-colored breeches were for a long while suspended
+in the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a
+new-married couple; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasured
+up in the store-room, as an invaluable relique.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of three men in
+17th-century attire gathered around a table; one man in the foreground
+smokes a long pipe while the two across from him look on with stern or
+concerned expressions.]
+
+
+
+
+                            =Chapter XIII.=
+           THE AUTHOR’S REFLECTIONS UPON WHAT HAS BEEN SAID.
+
+
+Among the numerous events, which are each in their turn the most direful
+and melancholy of all possible occurrences, in your interesting and
+authentic history, there is none that occasions such deep and
+heart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mighty
+empires. Where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion the
+disastrous events by which the great dynasties of the world have been
+extinguished? While wandering, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins
+of states and empires, and marking the tremendous convulsions that
+wrought their overthrow, the bosom of the melancholy inquirer swells
+with sympathy commensurate to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms,
+principalities, and powers, have each had their rise, their progress,
+and their downfall,—each in its turn has swayed a potent sceptre,—each
+has returned to its primeval nothingness. And thus did it fare with the
+empire of their High Mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the peaceful
+reign of Walter the Doubter, the fretful reign of William the Testy, and
+the chivalric reign of Peter the Headstrong.
+
+Its history is fruitful of instruction, and worthy of being pondered
+over attentively, for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departed
+greatness, that the sparks of true knowledge are to be found, and the
+lamp of wisdom illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter
+warn against yielding to that sleek, contented security, and that
+overweening fondness for comfort and repose, which are produced by a
+state of prosperity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation; to
+destroy its pride of character; to render it patient of insult; deaf to
+the calls of honor and of justice; and cause it to cling to peace, like
+the sluggard to his pillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and
+consideration. Such supineness insures the very evil from which it
+shrinks. One right yielded up produces the usurpation of a second; one
+encroachment passively suffered makes way for another; and the nation
+which thus, through a doting love of peace, has sacrificed honor and
+interest, will at length have to fight for existence.
+
+Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as a salutary
+warning against that fitful, feverish mode of legislation, which acts
+without system; depends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky
+contingencies. Which hesitates, and wavers, and at length decides with
+the rashness of ignorance and imbecility. Which stoops for popularity by
+courting the prejudices and flattering the arrogance, rather than
+commanding the respect of the rabble. Which seeks safety in a multitude
+of counsellors, and distracts itself by a variety of contradictory
+schemes and opinions. Which mistakes procrastination for wariness—hurry
+for decision—parsimony for economy—bustle for business—and vaporing for
+valor. Which is violent in council, sanguine in expectation, precipitate
+in action, and feeble in execution. Which undertakes enterprises without
+forethought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them with
+energy, and ends them in confusion and defeat.
+
+Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of vigor and
+decision even when destitute of cool judgment, and surrounded by
+perplexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, and high-souled
+courage will command respect, and secure honor, even where success is
+unattainable. But at the same time, let it caution against a too ready
+reliance on the good faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the
+loving professions of powerful neighbors, who are most friendly when
+they most mean to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the
+opinions and wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be soothed
+and led, or apprehension will overpower the deference to authority.
+
+Let the empty wordiness of his factious subjects; their intemperate
+harangues; their violent “resolutions”; their hectorings against an
+absent enemy, and their pusillanimity on his approach, teach us to
+distrust and despise those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but
+in the tongue. Let them serve as a lesson to repress that insolence of
+speech, destitute of real force, which too often breaks forth in popular
+bodies, and bespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let
+them caution us against vaunting too much of our own power and prowess,
+and reviling a noble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always lead us
+to treat a foe with courtesy and proud punctilio; a contrary conduct but
+takes from the merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful.
+
+But I cease to dwell on the stores of excellent examples to be drawn
+from the ancient chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively
+will discover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of
+history, and are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But, before I
+conclude, let me point out a solemn warning, furnished in the subtle
+chain of events by which the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the
+present convulsions of our globe.
+
+Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, which, if thou art
+a king, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to
+treasure up in thy heart,—though little expectation have I that my work
+shall fall into such hands, for well I know the care of crafty
+ministers, to keep all grave and edifying books of the kind out of the
+way of unhappy monarchs—lest peradventure they should read them and
+learn wisdom.
+
+By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did the crafty
+Swedes enjoy a transient triumph; but drew upon their heads the
+vengeance of Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New Sweden from their
+hands. By the conquest of New Sweden, Peter Stuyvesant aroused the
+claims of Lord Baltimore, who appealed to the Cabinet of Great Britain;
+who subdued the whole province of New Netherlands. By this great
+achievement the whole extent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the
+Floridas, was rendered one entire dependency upon the British crown. But
+mark the consequence: the hitherto scattered colonies being thus
+consolidated, and having no rival colonies to check or keep them in awe.
+waxed great and powerful, and finally becoming too strong for the
+mother-country, were enabled to shake off its bonds, and by a glorious
+revolution became an independent empire. But the chain of effect stopped
+not here: the successful revolution in America produced the sanguinary
+revolution in France; which produced the puissant Bonaparte; who
+produced the French despotism; which has thrown the whole world in
+confusion! Thus have these great powers been successively punished for
+their ill-starred conquests; and thus, as I asserted, have all the
+present convulsions, revolutions, and disasters that overwhelm mankind,
+originated in the capture of the little Fort Casimir, as recorded in
+this eventful history.
+
+And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell,—which, alas! must be
+forever,—willingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy
+kind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of
+the days of the patriarchs is not my fault; had any other person written
+one as good, I should not have attempted it at all. That many will
+hereafter spring up and surpass me in excellence, I have very little
+doubt, and still less care; well knowing that, when the great
+Christovallo Colon (who is vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his
+egg upon its end, every one at table could stand his up a thousand times
+more dexterously. Should any reader find matter of offence in this
+history, I should heartily grieve, though I would on no account question
+his penetration by telling him he was mistaken—his good-nature by
+telling him he was captious—or his pure conscience by telling him he was
+startled at a shadow. Surely when so ingenious in finding offence where
+none was intended, it were a thousand pities he should not be suffered
+to enjoy the benefit of his discovery.
+
+I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my fellow-citizens to
+think of yielding them instruction, and I covet too much their
+good-will, to forfeit it by giving them good advice. I am none of those
+cynics who despise the world, because it despises them: on the contrary,
+though but low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect
+good-nature, and my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more
+worthy of the unbounded love I bear it. If, however, in this my historic
+production—the scanty fruit of a long and laborious life—I have failed
+to gratify the dainty palate of the age, I can only lament my
+misfortune—for it is too late in the season for me ever to hope to
+repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterile snows upon my
+brow; in a little while, and this genial warmth which still lingers
+around my heart, and throbs—worthy reader—throbs kindly towards thyself,
+will be chilled forever. Haply this frail compound of dust, which while
+alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds, may form a
+humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild flower, to
+adorn my beloved island of Manna-hata!
+
+
+                                THE END.
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of two simple, four-petaled
+flowers on thin stems against a dark, cross-hatched background.]
+
+[Illustration: A vintage pen-and-ink drawing of a slender man in
+17th-century peasant attire, smiling as he carries a sack and a mallet
+or large hoe over his shoulder.]
+
+-----
+
+Footnote 1:
+
+  The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was not dead, but
+  carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where he sholde
+  remaine for a time, and then returne againe and reigne in as great
+  authority as ever.—HOLLINSHED.
+
+  The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and conquere all Britaigne,
+  for certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn—He say’d that his deth
+  shall be doubteous; and said soth for men thereof yet have doubte and
+  shullen for ever more—for men wyt not whether that he lyveth or is
+  dede.—DR. LEEW, CHRON.
+
+Footnote 2:
+
+  Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after truth, is
+  sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which border a little on
+  the marvellous. The story of the golden ore rests on something better
+  than mere tradition. The venerable Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of
+  Laws, in his description of the New Netherlands, asserts it from his
+  own observation as an eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645,
+  at a treaty between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which
+  one of the latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a
+  pigment, the weight and shining appearance of which excited the
+  curiosity of the governor and Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a
+  lump, and gave it to be proved by a skilful doctor of medicine,
+  Johannes de la Montagne, one of the councillors of the New
+  Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces of
+  gold, worth about three guilders. All this, continues Adrian Van der
+  Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with the Mohawks, an
+  officer and a few men were sent to the mountain (in the region of the
+  Kaatskill), under the guidance of an Indian, to search for the
+  precious mineral. They brought back a bucket full of ore; which, being
+  submitted to the crucible, proved as productive as the first. William
+  Kieft now thought the discovery certain. He sent a confidential
+  person, Arent Corsen, with a bag full of the mineral, to New Haven, to
+  take passage in an English ship for England, thence to proceed to
+  Holland. The vessel sailed at Christmas, but never reached her port.
+  All on board perished.
+
+  In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the
+  _Princess_ taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral. The ship
+  was never heard of more!
+
+  Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but
+  pyrites; but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an
+  eye-witness, and the experiment of Johannes de la Montagne, a learned
+  doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question. Cornelius Van
+  Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New Netherlands,
+  declared in Holland that he had tested several specimens of the
+  mineral, which proved satisfactory.[3]
+
+  It would appear, however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill
+  always brought ill-luck: as is evidenced in the fate of Arent Corsen
+  and Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which they
+  attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The golden mines
+  have never since been explored, but remain among the mysteries of the
+  Kaatskill mountains, and under the protection of the goblins which
+  haunt them.
+
+Footnote 3:
+
+  See Van der Donck’s “Description of the New Netherlands.” _Collect.
+  New York Hist. Society_, Vol. I., p. 161.
+
+Footnote 4:
+
+  See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome.
+
+Footnote 5:
+
+  Haz. _Col. Stat. Pap._
+
+Footnote 6:
+
+  Hobbes’ _Leviathan_, Part i., ch. 13.
+
+Footnote 7:
+
+          Quum prorepserunt primis animalia terris,
+          Mutuum ac turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter,
+          Unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque ita porro
+          Pugnabant armis, quæ post fabricaverat usus.
+                                    Hor., _Sat._, L. i., S. 3.
+
+Footnote 8:
+
+  Hazard’s _State Papers_.
+
+Footnote 9:
+
+  New Plymouth record.
+
+Footnote 10:
+
+  Mather’s _Hist. New Eng._ B. 6, ch. 7.
+
+Footnote 11:
+
+  Ballad of “Dragon of Wantley.”
+
+Footnote 12:
+
+  Acrelius’ _History N. Sweden_. For some notice of this miraculous
+  discomfiture of the Swedes, see _N. Y. His. Col._, new series, Vol.
+  I., p. 412.
+
+Footnote 13:
+
+                  “... as soon as he rose,
+                    To make him strong and mighty,
+                  He drank by the tale, six pots of ale,
+                    And a quart of aqua vitæ.”
+                                  “Dragon of Wantley.”
+
+Footnote 14:
+
+  The learned Hans Megapolensis, treating of the country about Albany,
+  in a letter which was written some time after the settlement, says:
+  “There is in the river great plenty of sturgeon, which we Christians
+  do not make use of, but the Indians eat them greedily.”
+
+Footnote 15:
+
+  This was likewise the great seal of the New Netherlands, as may still
+  be seen in ancient records.
+
+Footnote 16:
+
+  Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have found mention
+  made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript, which says:
+  “De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about 10th Aug.
+  1630, by deed purchased Staten Island. N. B. The same Michael Paw had
+  what the Dutch call a colonie at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore,
+  opposite New York, and his overseer in 1636 was named Corns. Van
+  Vorst; a person of the same name in 1769 owned Pawles Hook and a large
+  farm at Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst.”
+
+Footnote 17:
+
+  So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited these
+  parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the Neversink, or
+  Neversunk mountains.
+
+Footnote 18:
+
+  Since corrupted into the _Wallabout_; the bay where the Navy Yard is
+  situated.
+
+Footnote 19:
+
+  Now spelt Brooklyn.
+
+Footnote 20:
+
+  At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or Christeen, about
+  thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post-road to Baltimore.
+
+Footnote 21:
+
+  This castle, though very much altered and modernized, is still in
+  being, and stands at the corner of Pearl Street, facing Coentie’s
+  slip.
+
+Footnote 22:
+
+  Hariot’s _Journal_, Purch. Pilgrims.
+
+Footnote 23:
+
+  This Luyck was moreover rector of the Latin School in Nieuw
+  Nederlandts, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to Ægidius Luyck in
+  D. Selyn’s MSS. of poesies, upon his marriage with Judith Isendoorn.
+  Old MS.
+
+[Illustration: Endpaper]
+
+------------------------------------------------------------------------
+
+
+
+
+                          TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES
+
+
+ Page           Changed from                      Changed to
+
+   54 vulgar,—a wonderful slave for    vulgar,—a wonderful salve for
+      official blunders                official blunders
+
+  140 its antagonist with the smell of its antagonist with the smell of
+      gun-power                        gun-powder
+
+  158 Her hair hung in straight        His hair hung in straight
+      gallows-locks about his ears     gallows-locks about his ears
+
+ ● Fixed typos; non-standard spelling and dialect retained.
+ ● Renumbered footnotes and moved them all to the end of the final
+     chapter.
+ ● Enclosed italics font in _underscores_.
+ ● Enclosed blackletter font in =equals=.
+ ● Images without captions use HTML alt text.
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78730 ***