diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:30:22 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:30:22 -0700 |
| commit | 1e4e70d86e8be679cc4a49f1a34153288a0de998 (patch) | |
| tree | f782d91b2aec5d2bb78472897b8541ed7f174936 /old | |
Diffstat (limited to 'old')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/dptdt10.txt | 4820 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/dptdt10.zip | bin | 0 -> 72478 bytes |
2 files changed, 4820 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/dptdt10.txt b/old/dptdt10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e70d108 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/dptdt10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4820 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Departmental Ditties & Barrack Room Ballads +by Rudyard Kipling + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Departmental Ditties & Barrack Room Ballads + +Author: Rudyard Kipling + +Release Date: April, 2005 [EBook #7846] +[This file was first posted on May 22, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: US-ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, DEPARTMENTAL DITTIES & BARRACK ROOM BALLADS *** + + + + +Ted Garvin + + + +DEPARTMENTAL DITTIES and BALLADS AND BARRACK ROOM BALLADS + +BY + +RUDYARD KIPLING + + + + + + + +CONTENTS + +VOLUME I: DEPARTMENTAL DITTIES AND OTHER VERSES + +Prelude +General Summary +Army Headquarters +Study of an Elevation, in Indian Ink +A Legend of the Foreign Office +The Story of Uriah +The Post that Fitted +Public Waste +Delilah +What Happened +Pink Dominoes +The Man Who Could Write +Municipal +A Code of Morals +The Last Department + + +VOLUME II: BALLADS AND BARRACK-ROOM BALLADS + +The Ballad of East and West +The Last Suttee +The Ballad of the King's Mercy +The Ballad of the King's Jest +The Ballad of Boh Da Thone +The Lament of the Border Cattle Thief +The Rhyme of the Three Captains +The Ballad of the "Clampherdown" +The Ballad of the "Bolivar" +The English Flag +Cleared +An Imperial Rescript +Tomlinson +Danny Deever +Tommy +Fuzzy-Wuzzv +Soldier, Soldier +Screw-Guns +Gunga Din +Oonts +Loot +"Snarleyow" +The Widow at Windsor +Belts +The Young British Soldier +Mandalay +Troopin' +Ford O' Kabul River +Route-Marchin' + + + +DEPARTMENTAL DITTIES + +I have eaten your bread and salt, + I have drunk your water and wine, +The deaths ye died I have watched beside, + And the lives that ye led were mine. + +Was there aught that I did not share + In vigil or toil or ease, +One joy or woe that I did not know, + Dear hearts across the seas? + +I have written the tale of our life + For a sheltered people's mirth, +In jesting guise--but ye are wise, +And ye know what the jest is worth. + + +GENERAL SUMMARY + +We are very slightly changed +From the semi-apes who ranged + India's prehistoric clay; +Whoso drew the longest bow, +Ran his brother down, you know, + As we run men down today. + +"Dowb," the first of all his race, +Met the Mammoth face to face + On the lake or in the cave, +Stole the steadiest canoe, +Ate the quarry others slew, + Died--and took the finest grave. + +When they scratched the reindeer-bone +Someone made the sketch his own, + Filched it from the artist--then, +Even in those early days, +Won a simple Viceroy's praise + Through the toil of other men. + +Ere they hewed the Sphinx's visage +Favoritism governed kissage, +Even as it does in this age. + +Who shall doubt the secret hid +Under Cheops' pyramid +Was that the contractor did + Cheops out of several millions? +Or that Joseph's sudden rise +To Comptroller of Supplies +Was a fraud of monstrous size + On King Pharoah's swart Civilians? + +Thus, the artless songs I sing +Do not deal with anything + New or never said before. + +As it was in the beginning, +Is today official sinning, + And shall be forevermore. + + +ARMY HEADQUARTERS + +Old is the song that I sing-- + Old as my unpaid bills-- +Old as the chicken that kitmutgars bring +Men at dak-bungalows--old as the Hills. + +Ahasuerus Jenkins of the "Operatic Own" +Was dowered with a tenor voice of super-Santley tone. + +His views on equitation were, perhaps, a trifle queer; +He had no seat worth mentioning, but oh! he had an ear. + +He clubbed his wretched company a dozen times a day, +He used to quit his charger in a parabolic way, +His method of saluting was the joy of all beholders, +But Ahasuerus Jenkins had a head upon his shoulders. + +He took two months to Simla when the year was at the spring, +And underneath the deodars eternally did sing. + +He warbled like a bulbul, but particularly at +Cornelia Agrippina who was musical and fat. + +She controlled a humble husband, who, in turn, controlled a Dept., +Where Cornelia Agrippina's human singing-birds were kept +From April to October on a plump retaining fee, +Supplied, of course, per mensem, by the Indian Treasury. + +Cornelia used to sing with him, and Jenkins used to play; +He praised unblushingly her notes, for he was false as they: +So when the winds of April turned the budding roses brown, +Cornelia told her husband: "Tom, you mustn't send him down." + +They haled him from his regiment which didn't much regret him; +They found for him an office-stool, and on that stool they set him, +To play with maps and catalogues three idle hours a day, +And draw his plump retaining fee--which means his double pay. + +Now, ever after dinner, when the coffeecups are brought, +Ahasuerus waileth o'er the grand pianoforte; +And, thanks to fair Cornelia, his fame hath waxen great, +And Ahasuerus Jenkins is a power in the State. + +STUDY OF AN ELEVATION, IN INDIAN INK + +This ditty is a string of lies. +But--how the deuce did Gubbins rise? + +POTIPHAR GUBBINS, C. E., +Stands at the top of the tree; +And I muse in my bed on the reasons that led +To the hoisting of Potiphar G. + +Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., +Is seven years junior to Me; +Each bridge that he makes he either buckles or breaks, +And his work is as rough as he. + +Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., +Is coarse as a chimpanzee; +And I can't understand why you gave him your hand, +Lovely Mehitabel Lee. + +Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., +Is dear to the Powers that Be; +For They bow and They smile in an affable style +Which is seldom accorded to Me. + +Potiphar Gubbins, C. E., +Is certain as certain can be +Of a highly-paid post which is claimed by a host +Of seniors--including Me. + +Careless and lazy is he, +Greatly inferior to Me. + +What is the spell that you manage so well, +Commonplace Potiphar G.? + +Lovely Mehitabel Lee, +Let me inquire of thee, +Should I have riz to what Potiphar is, +Hadst thou been mated to me? + + +A LEGEND + +This is the reason why Rustum Beg, +Rajah of Kolazai, +Drinketh the "simpkin" and brandy peg, +Maketh the money to fly, +Vexeth a Government, tender and kind, +Also--but this is a detail--blind. + +RUSTUM BEG of Kolazai--slightly backward native state +Lusted for a C. S. I.,--so began to sanitate. +Built a Jail and Hospital--nearly built a City drain-- +Till his faithful subjects all thought their Ruler was insane. + +Strange departures made he then--yea, Departments stranger still, +Half a dozen Englishmen helped the Rajah with a will, +Talked of noble aims and high, hinted of a future fine +For the state of Kolazai, on a strictly Western line. + +Rajah Rustum held his peace; lowered octroi dues a half; +Organized a State Police; purified the. Civil Staff; +Settled cess and tax afresh in a very liberal way; +Cut temptations of the flesh--also cut the Bukhshi's pay; + +Roused his Secretariat to a fine Mahratta fury, +By a Hookum hinting at supervision of dasturi; +Turned the State of Kolazai very nearly upside-down; +When the end of May was nigh, waited his achievement crown. + +When the Birthday Honors came, +Sad to state and sad to see, +Stood against the Rajah's name nothing more than C. I. E.! +* * * * * + +Things were lively for a week in the State of Kolazai. +Even now the people speak of that time regretfully. + +How he disendowed the Jail--stopped at once the City drain; +Turned to beauty fair and frail--got his senses back again; +Doubled taxes, cesses, all; cleared away each new-built thana; +Turned the two-lakh Hospital into a superb Zenana; + +Heaped upon the Bukhshi Sahib wealth and honors manifold; +Clad himself in Eastern garb--squeezed his people as of old. + +Happy, happy Kolazai! Never more will Rustum Beg +Play to catch the Viceroy's eye. He prefers the "simpkin" peg. + + +THE STORY OF URIAH + +"Now there were two men in one city; +the one rich and the other poor." + +Jack Barrett went to Quetta + Because they told him to. +He left his wife at Simla + On three-fourths his monthly screw: +Jack Barrett died at Quetta + Ere the next month's pay he drew. + +Jack Barrett went to Quetta. + He didn't understand +The reason of his transfer + From the pleasant mountain-land: +The season was September, + And it killed him out of hand. + +Jack Barrett went to Quetta, + And there gave up the ghost, +Attempting two men's duty + In that very healthy post; +And Mrs. Barrett mourned for him + Five lively months at most. + +Jack Barrett's bones at Quetta + Enjoy profound repose; +But I shouldn't be astonished + If now his spirit knows +The reason of his transfer + From the Himalayan snows. + +And, when the Last Great Bugle Call + Adown the Hurnal throbs, +When the last grim joke is entered + In the big black Book of Jobs, +And Quetta graveyards give again + Their victims to the air, +I shouldn't like to be the man + Who sent Jack Barrett there. + + +THE POST THAT FITTED + + Though tangled and twisted the course of true love + This ditty explains, + No tangle's so tangled it cannot improve + If the Lover has brains. + +Ere the steamer bore him Eastward, Sleary was engaged to marry +An attractive girl at Tunbridge, whom he called "my little Carrie." + +Sleary's pay was very modest; Sleary was the other way. +Who can cook a two-plate dinner on eight poor rupees a day? + +Long he pondered o'er the question in his scantly furnished quarters-- +Then proposed to Minnie Boffkin, eldest of Judge Boffkin's daughters. + +Certainly an impecunious Subaltern was not a catch, +But the Boffkins knew that Minnie mightn't make another match. + +So they recognised the business and, to feed and clothe the bride, +Got him made a Something Something somewhere on the Bombay side. + +Anyhow, the billet carried pay enough for him to marry-- +As the artless Sleary put it:--"Just the thing for me and Carrie." + +Did he, therefore, jilt Miss Boffkin--impulse of a baser mind? +No! He started epileptic fits of an appalling kind. + +[Of his modus operandi only this much I could gather:-- +"Pears's shaving sticks will give you little taste and lots of lather."] + +Frequently in public places his affliction used to smite +Sleary with distressing vigour--always in the Boffkins' sight. + +Ere a week was over Minnie weepingly returned his ring, +Told him his "unhappy weakness" stopped all thought of marrying. + +Sleary bore the information with a chastened holy joy,-- +Epileptic fits don't matter in Political employ,-- +Wired three short words to Carrie--took his ticket, packed his kit-- +Bade farewell to Minnie Boffkin in one last, long, lingering fit. + +Four weeks later, Carrie Sleary read--and laughed until she wept-- +Mrs. Boffkin's warning letter on the "wretched epilept." . . . + +Year by year, in pious patience, vengeful Mrs. Boffkin sits +Waiting for the Sleary babies to develop Sleary's fits. + +PUBLIC WASTE + + Walpole talks of "a man and his price." + List to a ditty queer-- + The sale of a Deputy-Acting-Vice- + Resident-Engineer, + Bought like a bullock, hoof and hide, + By the Little Tin Gods on the Mountain Side. + +By the Laws of the Family Circle 'tis written in letters of brass +That only a Colonel from Chatham can manage the Railways of State, +Because of the gold on his breeks, and the subjects wherein he must pass; +Because in all matters that deal not with Railways his knowledge is great. + +Now Exeter Battleby Tring had laboured from boyhood to eld +On the Lines of the East and the West, and eke of the North and South; +Many Lines had he built and surveyed--important the posts which he held; +And the Lords of the Iron Horse were dumb when he opened his mouth. + +Black as the raven his garb, and his heresies jettier still-- +Hinting that Railways required lifetimes of study and knowledge-- +Never clanked sword by his side--Vauban he knew not nor drill-- +Nor was his name on the list of the men who had passed through the "College." + +Wherefore the Little Tin Gods harried their little tin souls, +Seeing he came not from Chatham, jingled no spurs at his heels, +Knowing that, nevertheless, was he first on the Government rolls +For the billet of "Railway Instructor to Little Tin Gods on Wheels." + +Letters not seldom they wrote him, "having the honour to state," +It would be better for all men if he were laid on the shelf. +Much would accrue to his bank-book, an he consented to wait +Until the Little Tin Gods built him a berth for himself, + +"Special, well paid, and exempt from the Law of the Fifty and Five, +Even to Ninety and Nine"--these were the terms of the pact: +Thus did the Little Tin Gods (long may Their Highnesses thrive!) +Silence his mouth with rupees, keeping their Circle intact; + +Appointing a Colonel from Chatham who managed the Bhamo State Line +(The which was one mile and one furlong--a guaranteed twenty-inch gauge), +So Exeter Battleby Tring consented his claims to resign, +And died, on four thousand a month, in the ninetieth year of his age! + + +DELILAH + +We have another viceroy now,--those days are dead and done +Of Delilah Aberyswith and depraved Ulysses Gunne. + +Delilah Aberyswith was a lady--not too young-- +With a perfect taste in dresses and a badly-bitted tongue, +With a thirst for information, and a greater thirst for praise, +And a little house in Simla in the Prehistoric Days. + +By reason of her marriage to a gentleman in power, +Delilah was acquainted with the gossip of the hour; +And many little secrets, of the half-official kind, +Were whispered to Delilah, and she bore them all in mind. + +She patronized extensively a man, Ulysses Gunne, +Whose mode of earning money was a low and shameful one. +He wrote for certain papers, which, as everybody knows, +Is worse than serving in a shop or scaring off the crows. + +He praised her "queenly beauty" first; and, later on, he hinted +At the "vastness of her intellect" with compliment unstinted. +He went with her a-riding, and his love for her was such +That he lent her all his horses and--she galled them very much. + +One day, THEY brewed a secret of a fine financial sort; +It related to Appointments, to a Man and a Report. +'Twas almost worth the keeping,--only seven people knew it-- +And Gunne rose up to seek the truth and patiently pursue it. + +It was a Viceroy's Secret, but--perhaps the wine was red-- +Perhaps an Aged Councillor had lost his aged head-- +Perhaps Delilah's eyes were bright--Delilah's whispers sweet-- +The Aged Member told her what 'twere treason to repeat. + +Ulysses went a-riding, and they talked of love and flowers; +Ulysses went a-calling, and he called for several hours; +Ulysses went a-waltzing, and Delilah helped him dance-- +Ulysses let the waltzes go, and waited for his chance. + +The summer sun was setting, and the summer air was still, +The couple went a-walking in the shade of Summer Hill. +The wasteful sunset faded out in Turkish-green and gold, +Ulysses pleaded softly, and-- that bad Delilah told! + +Next morn, a startled Empire learnt the all-important news; +Next week, the Aged Councillor was shaking in his shoes. +Next month, I met Delilah and she did not show the least +Hesitation in affirming that Ulysses was a "beast." + * * * * * + +We have another Viceroy now, those days are dead and done-- +Of Delilah Aberyswith and most mean Ulysses Gunne! + + +WHAT HAPPENED + +Hurree Chunder Mookerjee, pride of Bow Bazaar, +Owner of a native press, "Barrishter-at-Lar," +Waited on the Government with a claim to wear +Sabres by the bucketful, rifles by the pair. + +Then the Indian Government winked a wicked wink, +Said to Chunder Mookerjee: "Stick to pen and ink. +They are safer implements, but, if you insist, +We will let you carry arms wheresoe'er you list." + +Hurree Chunder Mookerjee sought the gunsmith and +Bought the tubes of Lancaster, Ballard, Dean, and Bland, +Bought a shiny bowie-knife, bought a town-made sword, +Jingled like a carriage-horse when he went abroad. + +But the Indian Government, always keen to please, +Also gave permission to horrid men like these-- +Yar Mahommed Yusufzai, down to kill or steal, +Chimbu Singh from Bikaneer, Tantia the Bhil; + +Killar Khan the Marri chief, Jowar Singh the Sikh, +Nubbee Baksh Punjabi Jat, Abdul Huq Rafiq-- +He was a Wahabi; last, little Boh Hla-oo +Took advantage of the Act--took a Snider too. + +They were unenlightened men, Ballard knew them not. +They procured their swords and guns chiefly on the spot; +And the lore of centuries, plus a hundred fights, +Made them slow to disregard one another's rights. + +With a unanimity dear to patriot hearts +All those hairy gentlemen out of foreign parts +Said: "The good old days are back--let us go to war!" +Swaggered down the Grand Trunk Road into Bow Bazaar, + +Nubbee Baksh Punjabi Jat found a hide-bound flail; +Chimbu Singh from Bikaneer oiled his Tonk jezail; +Yar Mahommed Yusufzai spat and grinned with glee +As he ground the butcher-knife of the Khyberee. + +Jowar Singh the Sikh procured sabre, quoit, and mace, +Abdul Huq, Wahabi, jerked his dagger from its place, +While amid the jungle-grass danced and grinned and jabbered +Little Boh Hla-oo and cleared his dah-blade from the scabbard. + +What became of Mookerjee? Soothly, who can say? +Yar Mahommed only grins in a nasty way, +Jowar Singh is reticent, Chimbu Singh is mute. +But the belts of all of them simply bulge with loot. + +What became of Ballard's guns? Afghans black and grubby +Sell them for their silver weight to the men of Pubbi; +And the shiny bowie-knife and the town-made sword are +Hanging in a Marri camp just across the Border. + +What became of Mookerjee? Ask Mahommed Yar +Prodding Siva's sacred bull down the Bow Bazaar. +Speak to placid Nubbee Baksh--question land and sea-- +Ask the Indian Congressmen--only don't ask me! + + +PINK DOMINOES + +"They are fools who kiss and tell"-- + Wisely has the poet sung. +Man may hold all sorts of posts + If he'll only hold his tongue. + +Jenny and Me were engaged, you see, + On the eve of the Fancy Ball; +So a kiss or two was nothing to you + Or any one else at all. + +Jenny would go in a domino-- + Pretty and pink but warm; +While I attended, clad in a splendid + Austrian uniform. + +Now we had arranged, through notes exchanged + Early that afternoon, +At Number Four to waltz no more, + But to sit in the dusk and spoon. + +I wish you to see that Jenny and Me + Had barely exchanged our troth; +So a kiss or two was strictly due + By, from, and between us both. + +When Three was over, an eager lover, + I fled to the gloom outside; +And a Domino came out also + Whom I took for my future bride. + +That is to say, in a casual way, + I slipped my arm around her; +With a kiss or two (which is nothing to you), + And ready to kiss I found her. + +She turned her head and the name she said + Was certainly not my own; +But ere I could speak, with a smothered shriek + She fled and left me alone. + +Then Jenny came, and I saw with shame + She'd doffed her domino; +And I had embraced an alien waist-- + But I did not tell her so. + +Next morn I knew that there were two + Dominoes pink, and one +Had cloaked the spouse of Sir Julian House, + Our big Political gun. + +Sir J. was old, and her hair was gold, + And her eye was a blue cerulean; +And the name she said when she turned her head + Was not in the least like "Julian." + + +THE MAN WHO COULD WRITE + +Shun--shun the Bowl! That fatal, facile drink + Has ruined many geese who dipped their quills in 't; +Bribe, murder, marry, but steer clear of Ink + Save when you write receipts for paid-up bills in 't. + +There may be silver in the "blue-black"--all +I know of is the iron and the gall. + +Boanerges Blitzen, servant of the Queen, +Is a dismal failure--is a Might-have-been. +In a luckless moment he discovered men +Rise to high position through a ready pen. +Boanerges Blitzen argued therefore--"I, +With the selfsame weapon, can attain as high." +Only he did not possess when he made the trial, +Wicked wit of C-lv-n, irony of L--l. + +[Men who spar with Government need, to back their blows, +Something more than ordinary journalistic prose.] + +Never young Civilian's prospects were so bright, +Till an Indian paper found that he could write: +Never young Civilian's prospects were so dark, +When the wretched Blitzen wrote to make his mark. +Certainly he scored it, bold, and black, and firm, +In that Indian paper--made his seniors squirm, +Quoted office scandals, wrote the tactless truth-- +Was there ever known a more misguided youth? +When the Rag he wrote for praised his plucky game, +Boanerges Blitzen felt that this was Fame; +When the men he wrote of shook their heads and swore, +Boanerges Blitzen only wrote the more: + +Posed as Young Ithuriel, resolute and grim, +Till he found promotion didn't come to him; +Till he found that reprimands weekly were his lot, +And his many Districts curiously hot. + +Till he found his furlough strangely hard to win, +Boanerges Blitzen didn't care to pin: +Then it seemed to dawn on him something wasn't right-- +Boanerges Blitzen put it down to "spite"; + +Languished in a District desolate and dry; +Watched the Local Government yearly pass him by; +Wondered where the hitch was; called it most unfair. +* * * * * * * * * + +That was seven years ago--and he still is there! + + +MUNICIPAL + + "Why is my District death-rate low?" + Said Binks of Hezabad. + "Well, drains, and sewage-outfalls are + "My own peculiar fad. + + "I learnt a lesson once, It ran + "Thus," quoth that most veracious man:-- + +It was an August evening and, in snowy garments clad, +I paid a round of visits in the lines of Hezabad; +When, presently, my Waler saw, and did not like at all, +A Commissariat elephant careering down the Mall. + +I couldn't see the driver, and across my mind it rushed +That that Commissariat elephant had suddenly gone musth. + +I didn't care to meet him, and I couldn't well get down, +So I let the Waler have it, and we headed for the town. + +The buggy was a new one and, praise Dykes, it stood the strain, +Till the Waler jumped a bullock just above the City Drain; +And the next that I remember was a hurricane of squeals, +And the creature making toothpicks of my five-foot patent wheels. + +He seemed to want the owner, so I fled, distraught with fear, +To the Main Drain sewage-outfall while he snorted in my ear-- +Reached the four-foot drain-head safely and, in darkness and despair, +Felt the brute's proboscis fingering my terror-stiffened hair. + +Heard it trumpet on my shoulder--tried to crawl a little higher-- +Found the Main Drain sewage outfall blocked, some eight feet up, with mire; +And, for twenty reeking minutes, Sir, my very marrow froze, +While the trunk was feeling blindly for a purchase on my toes! + +It missed me by a fraction, but my hair was turning grey +Before they called the drivers up and dragged the brute away. + +Then I sought the City Elders, and my words were very plain. +They flushed that four-foot drain-head and--it never choked again! + +You may hold with surface-drainage, and the sun-for-garbage cure, +Till you've been a periwinkle shrinking coyly up a sewer. + +I believe in well-flushed culverts. . . . + + This is why the death-rate's small; +And, if you don't believe me, get shikarred yourself. That's all. + + +A CODE OF MORALS + + Lest you should think this story true + I merely mention I + Evolved it lately. 'Tis a most + Unmitigated misstatement. + +Now Jones had left his new-wed bride to keep his house in order, +And hied away to the Hurrum Hills above the Afghan border, +To sit on a rock with a heliograph; but ere he left he taught +His wife the working of the Code that sets the miles at naught. + +And Love had made him very sage, as Nature made her fair; +So Cupid and Apollo linked, per heliograph, the pair. +At dawn, across the Hurrum Hills, he flashed her counsel wise-- +At e'en, the dying sunset bore her husband's homilies. + +He warned her 'gainst seductive youths in scarlet clad and gold, +As much as 'gainst the blandishments paternal of the old; +But kept his gravest warnings for (hereby the ditty hangs) +That snowy-haired Lothario, Lieutenant-General Bangs. + +'Twas General Bangs, with Aide and Staff, who tittupped on the way, +When they beheld a heliograph tempestuously at play. +They thought of Border risings, and of stations sacked and burnt-- +So stopped to take the message down--and this is what they learnt-- + +"Dash dot dot, dot, dot dash, dot dash dot" twice. The General swore. + +"Was ever General Officer addressed as 'dear' before? +"'My Love,' i' faith! 'My Duck,' Gadzooks! 'My darling popsy-wop!' +"Spirit of great Lord Wolseley, who is on that mountaintop?" + +The artless Aide-de-camp was mute; the gilded Staff were still, +As, dumb with pent-up mirth, they booked that message from the hill; +For clear as summer lightning-flare, the husband's warning ran:-- +"Don't dance or ride with General Bangs--a most immoral man." + +[At dawn, across the Hurrum Hills, he flashed her counsel wise-- +But, howsoever Love be blind, the world at large hath eyes.] +With damnatory dot and dash he heliographed his wife +Some interesting details of the General's private life. + +The artless Aide-de-camp was mute, the shining Staff were still, +And red and ever redder grew the General's shaven gill. + +And this is what he said at last (his feelings matter not):-- +"I think we've tapped a private line. Hi! Threes about there! Trot!" + +All honour unto Bangs, for ne'er did Jones thereafter know +By word or act official who read off that helio. + +But the tale is on the Frontier, and from Michni to Mooltan +They know the worthy General as "that most immoral man." + + +THE LAST DEPARTMENT + +Twelve hundred million men are spread + About this Earth, and I and You +Wonder, when You and I are dead, + "What will those luckless millions do?" + +None whole or clean," we cry, "or free from stain +Of favour." Wait awhile, till we attain + The Last Department where nor fraud nor fools, +Nor grade nor greed, shall trouble us again. + +Fear, Favour, or Affection--what are these +To the grim Head who claims our services? + I never knew a wife or interest yet +Delay that pukka step, miscalled "decease"; + +When leave, long overdue, none can deny; +When idleness of all Eternity + Becomes our furlough, and the marigold +Our thriftless, bullion-minting Treasury + +Transferred to the Eternal Settlement, +Each in his strait, wood-scantled office pent, + No longer Brown reverses Smith's appeals, +Or Jones records his Minute of Dissent. + +And One, long since a pillar of the Court, +As mud between the beams thereof is wrought; + And One who wrote on phosphates for the crops +Is subject-matter of his own Report. + +These be the glorious ends whereto we pass-- +Let Him who Is, go call on Him who Was; + And He shall see the mallie steals the slab +For currie-grinder, and for goats the grass. + +A breath of wind, a Border bullet's flight, +A draught of water, or a horse's fright-- + The droning of the fat Sheristadar +Ceases, the punkah stops, and falls the night + +For you or Me. Do those who live decline +The step that offers, or their work resign? + Trust me, Today's Most Indispensables, +Five hundred men can take your place or mine. + + +BALLADS AND BARRACK-ROOM BALLADS + +BALLADS + +THE BALLAD OF FISHER'S BOARDING-HOUSE + + That night, when through the mooring-chains + The wide-eyed corpse rolled free, + To blunder down by Garden Reach + And rot at Kedgeree, + The tale the Hughli told the shoal + The lean shoal told to me. + +'T was Fultah Fisher's boarding-house, + Where sailor-men reside, +And there were men of all the ports + From Mississip to Clyde, +And regally they spat and smoked, + And fearsomely they lied. + +They lied about the purple Sea + That gave them scanty bread, +They lied about the Earth beneath, + The Heavens overhead, +For they had looked too often on + Black rum when that was red. + +They told their tales of wreck and wrong, + Of shame and lust and fraud, +They backed their toughest statements with + The Brimstone of the Lord, +And crackling oaths went to and fro + Across the fist-banged board. + +And there was Hans the blue-eyed Dane, + Bull-throated, bare of arm, +Who carried on his hairy chest + The maid Ultruda's charm-- +The little silver crucifix + That keeps a man from harm. + +And there was Jake Without-the-Ears, + And Pamba the Malay, +And Carboy Gin the Guinea cook, + And Luz from Vigo Bay, +And Honest Jack who sold them slops + And harvested their pay. + +And there was Salem Hardieker, + A lean Bostonian he-- +Russ, German, English, Halfbreed, Finn, + Yank, Dane, and Portuguee, +At Fultah Fisher's boarding-house + They rested from the sea. + +Now Anne of Austria shared their drinks, + Collinga knew her fame, +From Tarnau in Galicia + To Juan Bazaar she came, +To eat the bread of infamy + And take the wage of shame. + +She held a dozen men to heel-- + Rich spoil of war was hers, +In hose and gown and ring and chain, + From twenty mariners, +And, by Port Law, that week, men called + her Salem Hardieker's. + +But seamen learnt--what landsmen know-- + That neither gifts nor gain +Can hold a winking Light o' Love + Or Fancy's flight restrain, +When Anne of Austria rolled her eyes + On Hans the blue-eyed Dane. + +Since Life is strife, and strife means knife, + From Howrah to the Bay, +And he may die before the dawn + Who liquored out the day, +In Fultah Fisher's boarding-house + We woo while yet we may. + +But cold was Hans the blue-eyed Dane, + Bull-throated, bare of arm, +And laughter shook the chest beneath + The maid Ultruda's charm-- +The little silver crucifix + That keeps a man from harm. + +"You speak to Salem Hardieker; + "You was his girl, I know. + +"I ship mineselfs tomorrow, see, + "Und round the Skaw we go, +"South, down the Cattegat, by Hjelm, + "To Besser in Saro." + +When love rejected turns to hate, + All ill betide the man. + +"You speak to Salem Hardieker"-- + She spoke as woman can. +A scream--a sob--"He called me--names!" + And then the fray began. + +An oath from Salem Hardieker, + A shriek upon the stairs, +A dance of shadows on the wall, + A knife-thrust unawares-- +And Hans came down, as cattle drop, + Across the broken chairs. +* * * * * * + +In Anne of Austria's trembling hands + The weary head fell low:-- +"I ship mineselfs tomorrow, straight + "For Besser in Saro; +"Und there Ultruda comes to me + "At Easter, und I go-- + +"South, down the Cattegat--What's here? + "There--are--no--lights--to guide!" +The mutter ceased, the spirit passed, + And Anne of Austria cried +In Fultah Fisher's boarding-house + When Hans the mighty died. + +Thus slew they Hans the blue-eyed Dane, + Bull-throated, bare of arm, +But Anne of Austria looted first + The maid Ultruda's charm-- +The little silver crucifix + That keeps a man from harm. + + +AS THE BELL CLINKS + +As I left the Halls at Lumley, rose the vision of a comely +Maid last season worshipped dumbly, watched with fervor from afar; +And I wondered idly, blindly, if the maid would greet me kindly. + +That was all--the rest was settled by the clinking tonga-bar. +Yea, my life and hers were coupled by the tonga coupling-bar. + +For my misty meditation, at the second changin'-station, +Suffered sudden dislocation, fled before the tuneless jar +Of a Wagner obbligato, scherzo, doublehand staccato, +Played on either pony's saddle by the clacking tonga-bar-- + +Played with human speech, I fancied, by the jigging, jolting bar. + +"She was sweet," thought I, "last season, but 'twere surely wild unreason +Such tiny hope to freeze on as was offered by my Star, +When she whispered, something sadly: 'I--we feel your going badly!'" +"And you let the chance escape you?" rapped the rattling tonga-bar. + +"What a chance and what an idiot!" clicked the vicious tonga-bar. + +Heart of man--oh, heart of putty! Had I gone by Kakahutti, +On the old Hill-road and rutty, I had 'scaped that fatal car. +But his fortune each must bide by, so I watched the milestones slide by, +To "You call on Her tomorrow!"--fugue with cymbals by the bar-- + +"You must call on Her tomorrow!"--post-horn gallop by the bar. + +Yet a further stage my goal on--we were whirling down to Solon, +With a double lurch and roll on, best foot foremost, ganz und gar-- +"She was very sweet," I hinted. "If a kiss had been imprinted?"-- +"'Would ha' saved a world of trouble!" clashed the busy tonga-bar. + +"'Been accepted or rejected!" banged and clanged the tonga-bar. + +Then a notion wild and daring, 'spite the income tax's paring, +And a hasty thought of sharing--less than many incomes are, +Made me put a question private, you can guess what I would drive at. +"You must work the sum to prove it," clanked the careless tonga-bar. + +"Simple Rule of Two will prove it," lilted back the tonga-bar. + +It was under Khyraghaut I mused. "Suppose the maid be haughty-- +(There are lovers rich--and rotty)--wait some wealthy Avatar? +Answer monitor untiring, 'twixt the ponies twain perspiring!" +"Faint heart never won fair lady," creaked the straining tonga-bar. + +"Can I tell you ere you ask Her?" pounded slow the tonga-bar. + +Last, the Tara Devi turning showed the lights of Simla burning, +Lit my little lazy yearning to a fiercer flame by far. + +As below the Mall we jingled, through my very heart it tingled-- +Did the iterated order of the threshing tonga-bar-- + +"Try your luck--you can't do better!" twanged the loosened tonga-bar. + + +AN OLD SONG + +So long as 'neath the Kalka hills + The tonga-horn shall ring, +So long as down the Solon dip + The hard-held ponies swing, +So long as Tara Devi sees + The lights of Simla town, +So long as Pleasure calls us up, + Or Duty drives us down, + If you love me as I love you + What pair so happy as we two? + +So long as Aces take the King, + Or backers take the bet, +So long as debt leads men to wed, + Or marriage leads to debt, +So long as little luncheons, Love, + And scandal hold their vogue, +While there is sport at Annandale + Or whisky at Jutogh, + If you love me as I love you + What knife can cut our love in two? + +So long as down the rocking floor + The raving polka spins, +So long as Kitchen Lancers spur + The maddened violins, +So long as through the whirling smoke + We hear the oft-told tale-- +"Twelve hundred in the Lotteries," + And Whatshername for sale? + If you love me as I love you + We'll play the game and win it too. + +So long as Lust or Lucre tempt + Straight riders from the course, +So long as with each drink we pour + Black brewage of Remorse, +So long as those unloaded guns + We keep beside the bed, +Blow off, by obvious accident, + The lucky owner's head, + If you love me as I love you + What can Life kill or Death undo? + +So long as Death 'twixt dance and dance + Chills best and bravest blood, +And drops the reckless rider down + The rotten, rain-soaked khud, +So long as rumours from the North + Make loving wives afraid, +So long as Burma takes the boy + Or typhoid kills the maid, + If you love me as I love you + What knife can cut our love in two? + +By all that lights our daily life + Or works our lifelong woe, +From Boileaugunge to Simla Downs + And those grim glades below, +Where, heedless of the flying hoof + And clamour overhead, +Sleep, with the grey langur for guard + Our very scornful Dead, + If you love me as I love you + All Earth is servant to us two! + +By Docket, Billetdoux, and File, + By Mountain, Cliff, and Fir, +By Fan and Sword and Office-box, + By Corset, Plume, and Spur +By Riot, Revel, Waltz, and War, + By Women, Work, and Bills, +By all the life that fizzes in + The everlasting Hills, + If you love me as I love you + What pair so happy as we two? + + +CERTAIN MAXIMS OF HAFIZ + + I. +If It be pleasant to look on, stalled in the packed serai, +Does not the Young Man try Its temper and pace ere he buy? +If She be pleasant to look on, what does the Young Man say? +"Lo! She is pleasant to look on, give Her to me today!" + + II. +Yea, though a Kafir die, to him is remitted Jehannum +If he borrowed in life from a native at sixty per cent. per annum. + + III. +Blister we not for bursati? So when the heart is vexed, +The pain of one maiden's refusal is drowned in the pain of the next. + + IV. +The temper of chums, the love of your wife, and a new piano's tune-- +Which of the three will you trust at the end of an Indian June? + + V. +Who are the rulers of Ind--to whom shall we bow the knee? +Make your peace with the women, and men will make you L. G. + + VI. +Does the woodpecker flit round the young ferash? +Does grass clothe a new-built wall? +Is she under thirty, the woman who holds a boy in her thrall? + + VII. +If She grow suddenly gracious--reflect. Is it all for thee? +The black-buck is stalked through the bullock, and Man through jealousy. + + VIII. +Seek not for favor of women. So shall you find it indeed. +Does not the boar break cover just when you're lighting a weed? + + IX. +If He play, being young and unskilful, for shekels of silver and gold, +Take his money, my son, praising Allah. The kid was ordained to be sold. + + X. +With a "weed" among men or horses verily this is the best, +That you work him in office or dog-cart lightly--but give him no rest. + + XI. +Pleasant the snaffle of Courtship, improving the manners and carriage; +But the colt who is wise will abstain from the terrible thorn-bit of Marriage. + + XII. +As the thriftless gold of the babul, so is the gold that we spend +On a derby Sweep, or our neighbor's wife, or the horse that we buy from a +friend. + + XIII. +The ways of man with a maid be strange, yet simple and tame +To the ways of a man with a horse, when selling or racing that same. + + XIV. +In public Her face turneth to thee, and pleasant Her smile when ye meet. +It is ill. The cold rocks of El-Gidar smile thus on the waves at their feet. + +In public Her face is averted, with anger. She nameth thy name. +It is well. Was there ever a loser content with the loss of the game? + + XV. +If She have spoken a word, remember thy lips are sealed, +And the Brand of the Dog is upon him by whom is the secret revealed. + +If She have written a letter, delay not an instant, but burn it. +Tear it to pieces, O Fool, and the wind to her mate shall return it! + +If there be trouble to Herward, and a lie of the blackest can clear, +Lie, while thy lips can move or a man is alive to hear. + + XVI. +My Son, if a maiden deny thee and scufflingly bid thee give o'er, +Yet lip meets with lip at the last word--get out! + She has been there before. +They are pecked on the ear and the chin and the nose who are lacking in lore. + + XVII. +If we fall in the race, though we win, the hoof-slide is scarred on the +course. +Though Allah and Earth pardon Sin, remaineth forever Remorse. + + XVIII. +"By all I am misunderstood!" if the Matron shall say, or the Maid: +"Alas! I do not understand," my son, be thou nowise afraid. + +In vain in the sight of the Bird is the net of the Fowler displayed. + + XIX. +My son, if I, Hafiz, the father, take hold of thy knees in my pain, +Demanding thy name on stamped paper, one day or one hour--refrain. + +Are the links of thy fetters so light that thou cravest another man's chain? + + +THE GRAVE OF THE HUNDRED HEAD + +There's a widow in sleepy Chester + Who weeps for her only son; +There's a grave on the Pabeng River, + A grave that the Burmans shun, +And there's Subadar Prag Tewarri + Who tells how the work was done. + +A Snider squibbed in the jungle, + Somebody laughed and fled, +And the men of the First Shikaris + Picked up their Subaltern dead, +With a big blue mark in his forehead + And the back blown out of his head. + +Subadar Prag Tewarri, + Jemadar Hira Lal, +Took command of the party, + Twenty rifles in all, +Marched them down to the river + As the day was beginning to fall. + +They buried the boy by the river, + A blanket over his face-- +They wept for their dead Lieutenant, + The men of an alien race-- +They made a samadh in his honor, + A mark for his resting-place. + +For they swore by the Holy Water, + They swore by the salt they ate, +That the soul of Lieutenant Eshmitt Sahib + Should go to his God in state; +With fifty file of Burman + To open him Heaven's gate. + +The men of the First Shikaris + Marched till the break of day, +Till they came to the rebel village, + The village of Pabengmay-- +A jingal covered the clearing, + Calthrops hampered the way. + +Subadar Prag Tewarri, + Bidding them load with ball, +Halted a dozen rifles + Under the village wall; +Sent out a flanking-party + With Jemadar Hira Lal. + +The men of the First Shikaris + Shouted and smote and slew, +Turning the grinning jingal + On to the howling crew. +The Jemadar's flanking-party + Butchered the folk who flew. + +Long was the morn of slaughter, + Long was the list of slain, +Five score heads were taken, + Five score heads and twain; +And the men of the First Shikaris + Went back to their grave again, + +Each man bearing a basket + Red as his palms that day, +Red as the blazing village-- + The village of Pabengmay, +And the "drip-drip-drip" from the baskets + Reddened the grass by the way. + +They made a pile of their trophies + High as a tall man's chin, +Head upon head distorted, + Set in a sightless grin, +Anger and pain and terror + Stamped on the smoke-scorched skin. + +Subadar Prag Tewarri + Put the head of the Boh +On the top of the mound of triumph, + The head of his son below, +With the sword and the peacock-banner + That the world might behold and know. + +Thus the samadh was perfect, + Thus was the lesson plain +Of the wrath of the First Shikaris-- + The price of a white man slain; +And the men of the First Shikaris + Went back into camp again. + +Then a silence came to the river, + A hush fell over the shore, +And Bohs that were brave departed, + And Sniders squibbed no more; + For the Burmans said + That a kullah's head +Must be paid for with heads five score. + +There's a widow in sleepy Chester + Who weeps for her only son; +There's a grave on the Pabeng River, + A grave that the Burmans shun, +And there's Subadar Prag Tewarri + Who tells how the work was done. + + +THE MOON OF OTHER DAYS + +Beneath the deep veranda's shade, + When bats begin to fly, +I sit me down and watch--alas!-- + Another evening die. + +Blood-red behind the sere ferash + She rises through the haze. +Sainted Diana! can that be + The Moon of Other Days? + +Ah! shade of little Kitty Smith, + Sweet Saint of Kensington! +Say, was it ever thus at Home + The Moon of August shone, +When arm in arm we wandered long + Through Putney's evening haze, +And Hammersmith was Heaven beneath + The Moon of Other Days? + +But Wandle's stream is Sutlej now, + And Putney's evening haze +The dust that half a hundred kine + Before my window raise. +Unkempt, unclean, athwart the mist + The seething city looms, +In place of Putney's golden gorse + The sickly babul blooms. + +Glare down, old Hecate, through the dust, + And bid the pie-dog yell, +Draw from the drain its typhoid-germ, + From each bazaar its smell; +Yea, suck the fever from the tank + And sap my strength therewith: +Thank Heaven, you show a smiling face + To little Kitty Smith! + + +THE OVERLAND MAIL +(Foot-Service to the Hills) + +In the name of the Empress of India, make way, + O Lords of the Jungle, wherever you roam. +The woods are astir at the close of the day-- + We exiles are waiting for letters from Home. +Let the robber retreat--let the tiger turn tail-- +In the Name of the Empress, the Overland Mail! + +With a jingle of bells as the dusk gathers in, + He turns to the foot-path that heads up the hill-- +The bags on his back and a cloth round his chin, + And, tucked in his waist-belt, the Post Office bill: +"Despatched on this date, as received by the rail, +Per runner, two bags of the Overland Mail." + +Is the torrent in spate? He must ford it or swim. + Has the rain wrecked the road? He must climb by the cliff. +Does the tempest cry "Halt"? What are tempests to him? + The Service admits not a "but" or and "if." +While the breath's in his mouth, he must bear without fail, +In the Name of the Empress, the Overland Mail. + +From aloe to rose-oak, from rose-oak to fir, + From level to upland, from upland to crest, +From rice-field to rock-ridge, from rock-ridge to spur, + Fly the soft sandalled feet, strains the brawny brown chest. +From rail to ravine--to the peak from the vale-- +Up, up through the night goes the Overland Mail. + +There's a speck on the hillside, a dot on the road-- + A jingle of bells on the foot-path below-- +There's a scuffle above in the monkey's abode-- + The world is awake, and the clouds are aglow. + +For the great Sun himself must attend to the hail: +"In the name of the Empress the Overland Mail!" + + +WHAT THE PEOPLE SAID +June 21st, 1887 + +By the well, where the bullocks go +Silent and blind and slow-- +By the field where the young corn dies +In the face of the sultry skies, +They have heard, as the dull Earth hears +The voice of the wind of an hour, +The sound of the Great Queen's voice: +"My God hath given me years, +Hath granted dominion and power: +And I bid you, O Land, rejoice." + +And the ploughman settles the share +More deep in the grudging clod; +For he saith: "The wheat is my care, +And the rest is the will of God. + +"He sent the Mahratta spear +As He sendeth the rain, +And the Mlech, in the fated year, +Broke the spear in twain. + +"And was broken in turn. Who knows +How our Lords make strife? +It is good that the young wheat grows, +For the bread is Life." + +Then, far and near, as the twilight drew, +Hissed up to the scornful dark +Great serpents, blazing, of red and blue, +That rose and faded, and rose anew. + +That the Land might wonder and mark +"Today is a day of days," they said, +"Make merry, O People, all!" +And the Ploughman listened and bowed his head: +"Today and tomorrow God's will," he said, +As he trimmed the lamps on the wall. + +"He sendeth us years that are good, +As He sendeth the dearth, +He giveth to each man his food, +Or Her food to the Earth. + +"Our Kings and our Queens are afar-- +On their peoples be peace-- +God bringeth the rain to the Bar, +That our cattle increase." + +And the Ploughman settled the share +More deep in the sun-dried clod: +"Mogul Mahratta, and Mlech from the North, +And White Queen over the Seas-- +God raiseth them up and driveth them forth +As the dust of the ploughshare flies in the breeze; +But the wheat and the cattle are all my care, +And the rest is the will of God." + + +THE UNDERTAKER'S HORSE + +"To-tschin-shu is condemned to death. +How can he drink tea with the Executioner?" +Japanese Proverb. + +The eldest son bestrides him, +And the pretty daughter rides him, +And I meet him oft o' mornings on the Course; +And there kindles in my bosom +An emotion chill and gruesome +As I canter past the Undertaker's Horse. + +Neither shies he nor is restive, +But a hideously suggestive +Trot, professional and placid, he affects; +And the cadence of his hoof-beats +To my mind this grim reproof beats:-- +"Mend your pace, my friend, I'm coming. Who's the next?" + +Ah! stud-bred of ill-omen, +I have watched the strongest go--men +Of pith and might and muscle--at your heels, +Down the plantain-bordered highway, +(Heaven send it ne'er be my way!) +In a lacquered box and jetty upon wheels. + +Answer, sombre beast and dreary, +Where is Brown, the young, the cheery, +Smith, the pride of all his friends and half the Force? +You were at that last dread dak +We must cover at a walk, +Bring them back to me, O Undertaker's Horse! + +With your mane unhogged and flowing, +And your curious way of going, +And that businesslike black crimping of your tail, +E'en with Beauty on your back, Sir, +Pacing as a lady's hack, Sir, +What wonder when I meet you I turn pale? + +It may be you wait your time, Beast, +Till I write my last bad rhyme, Beast-- +Quit the sunlight, cut the rhyming, drop the glass-- +Follow after with the others, +Where some dusky heathen smothers +Us with marigolds in lieu of English grass. + +Or, perchance, in years to follow, +I shall watch your plump sides hollow, +See Carnifex (gone lame) become a corse-- +See old age at last o'erpower you, +And the Station Pack devour you, +I shall chuckle then, O Undertaker's Horse! + +But to insult, jibe, and quest, I've +Still the hideously suggestive +Trot that hammers out the unrelenting text, +And I hear it hard behind me +In what place soe'er I find me:-- +"'Sure to catch you sooner or later. Who's the next?" + + +THE FALL OF JOCK GILLESPIE + +This fell when dinner-time was done-- + 'Twixt the first an' the second rub-- +That oor mon Jock cam' hame again + To his rooms ahist the Club. + +An' syne he laughed, an' syne he sang, + An' syne we thocht him fou, +An' syne he trumped his partner's trick, + An' garred his partner rue. + +Then up and spake an elder mon, + That held the Spade its Ace-- +"God save the lad! Whence comes the licht + "That wimples on his face?" + +An' Jock he sniggered, an' Jock he smiled, + An' ower the card-brim wunk:-- +"I'm a' too fresh fra' the stirrup-peg, + "May be that I am drunk." + +"There's whusky brewed in Galashils + "An' L. L. L. forbye; +"But never liquor lit the lowe + "That keeks fra' oot your eye. + +"There's a third o' hair on your dress-coat breast, + "Aboon the heart a wee?" +"Oh! that is fra' the lang-haired Skye + "That slobbers ower me." + +"Oh! lang-haired Skyes are lovin' beasts, + "An' terrier dogs are fair, +"But never yet was terrier born, + "Wi' ell-lang gowden hair! + +"There's a smirch o' pouther on your breast, + "Below the left lappel?" +"Oh! that is fra' my auld cigar, + "Whenas the stump-end fell." + +"Mon Jock, ye smoke the Trichi coarse, + "For ye are short o' cash, +"An' best Havanas couldna leave + "Sae white an' pure an ash. + +"This nicht ye stopped a story braid, + "An' stopped it wi' a curse. +"Last nicht ye told that tale yoursel'-- + "An' capped it wi' a worse! + +"Oh! we're no fou! Oh! we're no fou! + "But plainly we can ken +"Ye're fallin', fallin' fra the band + "O' cantie single men!" + +An' it fell when sirris-shaws were sere, + An' the nichts were lang and mirk, +In braw new breeks, wi' a gowden ring, + Oor Jock gaed to the Kirk! + + +ARITHMETIC ON THE FRONTIER + +A great and glorious thing it is + To learn, for seven years or so, +The Lord knows what of that and this, + Ere reckoned fit to face the foe-- +The flying bullet down the Pass, +That whistles clear: "All flesh is grass." + +Three hundred pounds per annum spent + On making brain and body meeter +For all the murderous intent + Comprised in "villainous saltpetre!" +And after--ask the Yusufzaies +What comes of all our 'ologies. + +A scrimmage in a Border Station-- + A canter down some dark defile-- +Two thousand pounds of education + Drops to a ten-rupee jezail-- +The Crammer's boast, the Squadron's pride, +Shot like a rabbit in a ride! + +No proposition Euclid wrote, + No formulae the text-books know, +Will turn the bullet from your coat, + Or ward the tulwar's downward blow +Strike hard who cares--shoot straight who can-- +The odds are on the cheaper man. + +One sword-knot stolen from the camp + Will pay for all the school expenses +Of any Kurrum Valley scamp + Who knows no word of moods and tenses, +But, being blessed with perfect sight, +Picks off our messmates left and right. + +With home-bred hordes the hillsides teem, + The troop-ships bring us one by one, +At vast expense of time and steam, + To slay Afridis where they run. + +The "captives of our bow and spear" +Are cheap--alas! as we are dear. + + +THE BETROTHED + +"You must choose between me and your cigar." + --BREACH OF PROMISE CASE, CIRCA 1885. + +Open the old cigar-box, get me a Cuba stout, +For things are running crossways, and Maggie and I are out. + +We quarrelled about Havanas--we fought o'er a good cheroot, +And I knew she is exacting, and she says I am a brute. + +Open the old cigar-box--let me consider a space; +In the soft blue veil of the vapour musing on Maggie's face. + +Maggie is pretty to look at--Maggie's a loving lass, +But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest of loves must pass. + +There's peace in a Larranaga, there's calm in a Henry Clay; +But the best cigar in an hour is finished and thrown away-- + +Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe and brown-- +But I could not throw away Maggie for fear o' the talk o' the town! + +Maggie, my wife at fifty--grey and dour and old-- +With never another Maggie to purchase for love or gold! + +And the light of Days that have Been the dark of the Days that Are, +And Love's torch stinking and stale, like the butt of a dead cigar-- + +The butt of a dead cigar you are bound to keep in your pocket-- +With never a new one to light tho' it's charred and black to the socket! + +Open the old cigar-box--let me consider a while. +Here is a mild Manila--there is a wifely smile. + +Which is the better portion--bondage bought with a ring, +Or a harem of dusky beauties, fifty tied in a string? + +Counsellors cunning and silent--comforters true and tried, +And never a one of the fifty to sneer at a rival bride? + +Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes, +Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close, + +This will the fifty give me, asking nought in return, +With only a Suttee's passion--to do their duty and burn. + +This will the fifty give me. When they are spent and dead, +Five times other fifties shall be my servants instead. + +The furrows of far-off Java, the isles of the Spanish Main, +When they hear my harem is empty will send me my brides again. + +I will take no heed to their raiment, nor food for their mouths withal, +So long as the gulls are nesting, so long as the showers fall. + +I will scent 'em with best vanilla, with tea will I temper their hides, +And the Moor and the Mormon shall envy who read of the tale of my brides. + +For Maggie has written a letter to give me my choice between +The wee little whimpering Love and the great god Nick o' Teen. + +And I have been servant of Love for barely a twelvemonth clear, +But I have been Priest of Cabanas a matter of seven year; + +And the gloom of my bachelor days is flecked with the cheery light +Of stumps that I burned to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight. + +And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie and I must prove, +But the only light on the marshes is the Will-o'-the-Wisp of Love. + +Will it see me safe through my journey or leave me bogged in the mire? +Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I follow the fitful fire? + +Open the old cigar-box--let me consider anew-- +Old friends, and who is Maggie that I should abandon you? + +A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke; +And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke. + +Light me another Cuba--I hold to my first-sworn vows. +If Maggie will have no rival, I'll have no Maggie for Spouse! + + +A TALE OF TWO CITIES + +Where the sober-colored cultivator smiles + On his byles; +Where the cholera, the cyclone, and the crow + Come and go; +Where the merchant deals in indigo and tea, + Hides and ghi; +Where the Babu drops inflammatory hints + In his prints; +Stands a City--Charnock chose it--packed away + Near a Bay-- +By the Sewage rendered fetid, by the sewer + Made impure, +By the Sunderbunds unwholesome, by the swamp + Moist and damp; +And the City and the Viceroy, as we see, + Don't agree. + +Once, two hundred years ago, the trader came + Meek and tame. + +Where his timid foot first halted, there he stayed, + Till mere trade +Grew to Empire, and he sent his armies forth + South and North +Till the country from Peshawur to Ceylon + Was his own. + +Thus the midday halt of Charnock--more's the pity! + Grew a City. + +As the fungus sprouts chaotic from its bed, + So it spread-- +Chance-directed, chance-erected, laid and built + On the silt-- +Palace, byre, hovel--poverty and pride-- + Side by side; +And, above the packed and pestilential town, + Death looked down. + +But the Rulers in that City by the Sea + Turned to flee-- +Fled, with each returning spring-tide from its ills + To the Hills. + +From the clammy fogs of morning, from the blaze + Of old days, +From the sickness of the noontide, from the heat, + Beat retreat; +For the country from Peshawur to Ceylon + Was their own. + +But the Merchant risked the perils of the Plain + For his gain. + +Now the resting-place of Charnock, 'neath the palms, + Asks an alms, +And the burden of its lamentation is, + Briefly, this: +"Because for certain months, we boil and stew, + So should you. + +"Cast the Viceroy and his Council, to perspire + In our fire!" +And for answer to the argument, in vain + We explain +That an amateur Saint Lawrence cannot fry: + "All must fry!" +That the Merchant risks the perils of the Plain + For gain. + +Nor can Rulers rule a house that men grow rich in, + From its kitchen. + +Let the Babu drop inflammatory hints + In his prints; +And mature--consistent soul--his plan for stealing + To Darjeeling: +Let the Merchant seek, who makes his silver pile, + England's isle; +Let the City Charnock pitched on--evil day! + Go Her way. + +Though the argosies of Asia at Her doors + Heap their stores, +Though Her enterprise and energy secure + Income sure, +Though "out-station orders punctually obeyed" + Swell Her trade-- +Still, for rule, administration, and the rest, + Simla's best. + +The End +* * * * * * * * +VOLUME II BALLADS AND BARRACK-ROOM BALLADS + + +BALLADS + + +THE BALLAD OF EAST AND WEST + + Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall +meet, + Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's great Judgment +Seat; + But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth, + When two strong men stand face to face, + tho' they come from the ends of the earth! + +Kamal is out with twenty men to raise the Border-side, +And he has lifted the Colonel's mare that is the Colonel's pride: +He has lifted her out of the stable-door between the dawn and the day, +And turned the calkins upon her feet, and ridden her far away. + +Then up and spoke the Colonel's son that led a troop of the Guides: +"Is there never a man of all my men can say where Kamal hides?" +Then up and spoke Mahommed Khan, the son of the Ressaldar: +"If ye know the track of the morning-mist, ye know where his pickets are. + +"At dusk he harries the Abazai--at dawn he is into Bonair, +But he must go by Fort Bukloh to his own place to fare, +So if ye gallop to Fort Bukloh as fast as a bird can fly, +By the favour of God ye may cut him off ere he win to the Tongue of Jagai. + +"But if he be past the Tongue of Jagai, right swiftly turn ye then, +For the length and the breadth of that grisly plain is sown with Kamal's men. +There is rock to the left, and rock to the right, and low lean thorn between, +And ye may hear a breech-bolt snick where never a man is seen." + +The Colonel's son has taken a horse, and a raw rough dun was he, +With the mouth of a bell and the heart of Hell and the head of the + gallows-tree. + +The Colonel's son to the Fort has won, they bid him stay to eat-- +Who rides at the tail of a Border thief, he sits not long at his meat. + +He's up and away from Fort Bukloh as fast as he can fly, +Till he was aware of his father's mare in the gut of the Tongue of Jagai, +Till he was aware of his father's mare with Kamal upon her back, +And when he could spy the white of her eye, he made the pistol crack. + +He has fired once, he has fired twice, but the whistling ball went wide. +"Ye shoot like a soldier," Kamal said. "Show now if ye can ride." + +It's up and over the Tongue of Jagai, as blown dustdevils go, +The dun he fled like a stag of ten, but the mare like a barren doe. + +The dun he leaned against the bit and slugged his head above, +But the red mare played with the snaffle-bars, as a maiden plays with a glove. + +There was rock to the left and rock to the right, and low lean thorn between, +And thrice he heard a breech-bolt snick tho' never a man was seen. + +They have ridden the low moon out of the sky, their hoofs drum up the dawn, +The dun he went like a wounded bull, but the mare like a new-roused fawn. + +The dun he fell at a water-course--in a woful heap fell he, +And Kamal has turned the red mare back, and pulled the rider free. + +He has knocked the pistol out of his hand--small room was there to strive, +"'Twas only by favour of mine," quoth he, "ye rode so long alive: +There was not a rock for twenty mile, there was not a clump of tree, +But covered a man of my own men with his rifle cocked on his knee. + +"If I had raised my bridle-hand, as I have held it low, +The little jackals that flee so fast were feasting all in a row: +If I had bowed my head on my breast, as I have held it high, +The kite that whistles above us now were gorged till she could not fly." +Lightly answered the Colonel's son: "Do good to bird and beast, +But count who come for the broken meats before thou makest a feast. + +"If there should follow a thousand swords to carry my bones away, +Belike the price of a jackal's meal were more than a thief could pay. + +"They will feed their horse on the standing crop, their men on the garnered +grain, +The thatch of the byres will serve their fires when all the cattle are +slain. +"But if thou thinkest the price be fair,--thy brethren wait to sup, +The hound is kin to the jackal-spawn,--howl, dog, and call them up! +And if thou thinkest the price be high, in steer and gear and stack, +Give me my father's mare again, and I'll fight my own way back!" + +Kamal has gripped him by the hand and set him upon his feet. +"No talk shall be of dogs," said he, "when wolf and gray wolf meet. + +"May I eat dirt if thou hast hurt of me in deed or breath; +What dam of lances brought thee forth to jest at the dawn with Death?" +Lightly answered the Colonel's son: "I hold by the blood of my clan: +Take up the mare for my father's gift--by God, she has carried a man!" +The red mare ran to the Colonel's son, and nuzzled against his breast; +"We be two strong men," said Kamal then, "but she loveth the younger best. + +"So she shall go with a lifter's dower, my turquoise-studded rein, +My broidered saddle and saddle-cloth, and silver stirrups twain." +The Colonel's son a pistol drew and held it muzzle-end, +"Ye have taken the one from a foe," said he; + "will ye take the mate from a friend?" +"A gift for a gift," said Kamal straight; "a limb for the risk of a limb. + +"Thy father has sent his son to me, I'll send my son to him!" +With that he whistled his only son, that dropped from a mountain-crest-- +He trod the ling like a buck in spring, and he looked like a lance in rest. + +"Now here is thy master," Kamal said, "who leads a troop of the Guides, +And thou must ride at his left side as shield on shoulder rides. +Till Death or I cut loose the tie, at camp and board and bed, +Thy life is his--thy fate it is to guard him with thy head. + +"So, thou must eat the White Queen's meat, and all her foes are thine, +And thou must harry thy father's hold for the peace of the Border-line, +And thou must make a trooper tough and hack thy way to power-- +Belike they will raise thee to Ressaldar when I am hanged in Peshawur." + +They have looked each other between the eyes, and there they found no fault, +They have taken the Oath of the Brother-in-Blood on leavened bread and salt: +They have taken the Oath of the Brother-in-Blood on fire and fresh-cut sod, +On the hilt and the haft of the Khyber knife, and the Wondrous Names of God. + +The Colonel's son he rides the mare and Kamal's boy the dun, +And two have come back to Fort Bukloh where there went forth but one. + +And when they drew to the Quarter-Guard, full twenty swords flew clear-- +There was not a man but carried his feud with the blood of the mountaineer. + +"Ha' done! ha' done!" said the Colonel's son. + "Put up the steel at your sides! +Last night ye had struck at a Border thief-- + tonight 'tis a man of the Guides!" + + Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet, + Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's great Judgment Seat; + But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth, + When two strong men stand face to face, + tho' they come from the ends of the earth! + + +THE LAST SUTTEE + +Not many years ago a King died in one of the Rajpoot States. His wives, +disregarding the orders of the English against Suttee, would have broken +out of the palace had not the gates been barred. + +But one of them, disguised as the King's favourite dancing-girl, passed +through the line of guards and reached the pyre. There, her courage +failing, she prayed her cousin, a baron of the court, to kill her. This +he did, not knowing who she was. + + +Udai Chand lay sick to death + In his hold by Gungra hill. +All night we heard the death-gongs ring +For the soul of the dying Rajpoot King, +All night beat up from the women's wing + A cry that we could not still. + +All night the barons came and went, + The lords of the outer guard: +All night the cressets glimmered pale +On Ulwar sabre and Tonk jezail, +Mewar headstall and Marwar mail, + That clinked in the palace yard. + +In the Golden room on the palace roof + All night he fought for air: +And there was sobbing behind the screen, +Rustle and whisper of women unseen, +And the hungry eyes of the Boondi Queen + On the death she might not share. + +He passed at dawn--the death-fire leaped + From ridge to river-head, +From the Malwa plains to the Abu scars: +And wail upon wail went up to the stars +Behind the grim zenana-bars, + When they knew that the King was dead. + +The dumb priest knelt to tie his mouth + And robe him for the pyre. +The Boondi Queen beneath us cried: +"See, now, that we die as our mothers died +In the bridal-bed by our master's side! + Out, women!--to the fire!" + +We drove the great gates home apace: + White hands were on the sill: +But ere the rush of the unseen feet +Had reached the turn to the open street, +The bars shot down, the guard-drum beat-- + We held the dovecot still. + +A face looked down in the gathering day, + And laughing spoke from the wall: +"Ohe', they mourn here: let me by-- +Azizun, the Lucknow nautch-girl, I! +When the house is rotten, the rats must fly, + And I seek another thrall. + +"For I ruled the King as ne'er did Queen,-- + Tonight the Queens rule me! +Guard them safely, but let me go, +Or ever they pay the debt they owe +In scourge and torture!" She leaped below, + And the grim guard watched her flee. + +They knew that the King had spent his soul + On a North-bred dancing-girl: +That he prayed to a flat-nosed Lucknow god, +And kissed the ground where her feet had trod, +And doomed to death at her drunken nod, + And swore by her lightest curl. + +We bore the King to his fathers' place, + Where the tombs of the Sun-born stand: +Where the gray apes swing, and the peacocks preen +On fretted pillar and jewelled screen, +And the wild boar couch in the house of the Queen + On the drift of the desert sand. + +The herald read his titles forth, + We set the logs aglow: +"Friend of the English, free from fear, +Baron of Luni to Jeysulmeer, +Lord of the Desert of Bikaneer, + King of the Jungle,--go!" + +All night the red flame stabbed the sky + With wavering wind-tossed spears: +And out of a shattered temple crept +A woman who veiled her head and wept, +And called on the King--but the great King slept, + And turned not for her tears. + +Small thought had he to mark the strife-- + Cold fear with hot desire-- +When thrice she leaped from the leaping flame, +And thrice she beat her breast for shame, +And thrice like a wounded dove she came + And moaned about the fire. + +One watched, a bow-shot from the blaze, + The silent streets between, +Who had stood by the King in sport and fray, +To blade in ambush or boar at bay, +And he was a baron old and gray, + And kin to the Boondi Queen. + +He said: "O shameless, put aside + The veil upon thy brow! +Who held the King and all his land +To the wanton will of a harlot's hand! +Will the white ash rise from the blistered brand? + Stoop down, and call him now!" + +Then she: "By the faith of my tarnished soul, + All things I did not well, +I had hoped to clear ere the fire died, +And lay me down by my master's side +To rule in Heaven his only bride, + While the others howl in Hell. + +"But I have felt the fire's breath, + And hard it is to die! +Yet if I may pray a Rajpoot lord +To sully the steel of a Thakur's sword +With base-born blood of a trade abhorred,"-- + And the Thakur answered, "Ay." + +He drew and struck: the straight blade drank + The life beneath the breast. + +"I had looked for the Queen to face the flame, +But the harlot dies for the Rajpoot dame-- +Sister of mine, pass, free from shame, + Pass with thy King to rest!" + +The black log crashed above the white: + The little flames and lean, +Red as slaughter and blue as steel, +That whistled and fluttered from head to heel, +Leaped up anew, for they found their meal + On the heart of--the Boondi Queen! + + +THE BALLAD OF THE KING'S MERCY + + Abdhur Rahman, the Durani Chief, + of him is the story told. + His mercy fills the Khyber hills-- + his grace is manifold; + He has taken toll of the North and the South-- + his glory reacheth far, + And they tell the tale of his charity + from Balkh to Kandahar. + + +Before the old Peshawur Gate, where Kurd and Kaffir meet, +The Governor of Kabul dealt the Justice of the Street, +And that was strait as running noose and swift as plunging knife, +Tho' he who held the longer purse might hold the longer life. + + +There was a hound of Hindustan had struck a Euzufzai, +Wherefore they spat upon his face and led him out to die. + +It chanced the King went forth that hour when throat was bared to knife; +The Kaffir grovelled under-hoof and clamoured for his life. + + +Then said the King: "Have hope, O friend! Yea, Death disgraced is hard; +Much honour shall be thine"; and called the Captain of the Guard, +Yar Khan, a bastard of the Blood, so city-babble saith, +And he was honoured of the King--the which is salt to Death; +And he was son of Daoud Shah, the Reiver of the Plains, +And blood of old Durani Lords ran fire in his veins; +And 'twas to tame an Afghan pride nor Hell nor Heaven could bind, +The King would make him butcher to a yelping cur of Hind. + + +"Strike!" said the King. "King's blood art thou--his death shall be his +pride!" +Then louder, that the crowd might catch: "Fear not--his arms are tied!" +Yar Khan drew clear the Khyber knife, and struck, and sheathed again. +"O man, thy will is done," quoth he; "a King this dog hath slain." + + Abdhur Rahman, the Durani Chief, + to the North and the South is sold. + The North and the South shall open their mouth + to a Ghilzai flag unrolled, + When the big guns speak to the Khyber peak, + and his dog-Heratis fly: + Ye have heard the song--How long? How long? + Wolves of the Abazai! + +That night before the watch was set, when all the streets were clear, +The Governor of Kabul spoke: "My King, hast thou no fear? +Thou knowest--thou hast heard,"--his speech died at his master's face. + +And grimly said the Afghan King: "I rule the Afghan race. +My path is mine--see thou to thine--tonight upon thy bed +Think who there be in Kabul now that clamour for thy head." + +That night when all the gates were shut to City and to throne, +Within a little garden-house the King lay down alone. + +Before the sinking of the moon, which is the Night of Night, +Yar Khan came softly to the King to make his honour white. +The children of the town had mocked beneath his horse's hoofs, +The harlots of the town had hailed him "butcher!" from their roofs. + +But as he groped against the wall, two hands upon him fell, +The King behind his shoulder spake: "Dead man, thou dost not well! +'Tis ill to jest with Kings by day and seek a boon by night; +And that thou bearest in thy hand is all too sharp to write. + +"But three days hence, if God be good, and if thy strength remain, +Thou shalt demand one boon of me and bless me in thy pain. +For I am merciful to all, and most of all to thee. + +"My butcher of the shambles, rest--no knife hast thou for me!" + + Abdhur Rahman, the Durani Chief, + holds hard by the South and the North; + But the Ghilzai knows, ere the melting snows, + when the swollen banks break forth, + When the red-coats crawl to the sungar wall, + and his Usbeg lances fail: + Ye have heard the song--How long? How long? + Wolves of the Zuka Kheyl! + +They stoned him in the rubbish-field when dawn was in the sky, +According to the written word, "See that he do not die." + +They stoned him till the stones were piled above him on the plain, +And those the labouring limbs displaced they tumbled back again. + + +One watched beside the dreary mound that veiled the battered +thing, +And him the King with laughter called the Herald of the King. + + +It was upon the second night, the night of Ramazan, +The watcher leaning earthward heard the message of Yar Khan. + +From shattered breast through shrivelled lips broke forth the rattling breath, +"Creature of God, deliver me from agony of Death." + +They sought the King among his girls, and risked their lives thereby: +"Protector of the Pitiful, give orders that he die!" + +"Bid him endure until the day," a lagging answer came; +"The night is short, and he can pray and learn to bless my name." + +Before the dawn three times he spoke, and on the day once more: +"Creature of God, deliver me, and bless the King therefor!" + +They shot him at the morning prayer, to ease him of his pain, +And when he heard the matchlocks clink, he blessed the King again. + +Which thing the singers made a song for all the world to sing, +So that the Outer Seas may know the mercy of the King. + + Abdhur Rahman, the Durani Chief, + of him is the story told, + He has opened his mouth to the North and the South, + they have stuffed his mouth with gold. + + Ye know the truth of his tender ruth-- + and sweet his favours are: + Ye have heard the song--How long? How long? + from Balkh to Kandahar. + + +THE BALLAD OF THE KING'S JEST + +When spring-time flushes the desert grass, +Our kafilas wind through the Khyber Pass. + +Lean are the camels but fat the frails, +Light are the purses but heavy the bales, +As the snowbound trade of the North comes down +To the market-square of Peshawur town. + +In a turquoise twilight, crisp and chill, +A kafila camped at the foot of the hill. + +Then blue smoke-haze of the cooking rose, +And tent-peg answered to hammer-nose; +And the picketed ponies, shag and wild, +Strained at their ropes as the feed was piled; +And the bubbling camels beside the load +Sprawled for a furlong adown the road; +And the Persian pussy-cats, brought for sale, +Spat at the dogs from the camel-bale; +And the tribesmen bellowed to hasten the food; +And the camp-fires twinkled by Fort Jumrood; +And there fled on the wings of the gathering dusk +A savour of camels and carpets and musk, +A murmur of voices, a reek of smoke, +To tell us the trade of the Khyber woke. + +The lid of the flesh-pot chattered high, +The knives were whetted and--then came I +To Mahbub Ali the muleteer, +Patching his bridles and counting his gear, +Crammed with the gossip of half a year. + +But Mahbub Ali the kindly said, +"Better is speech when the belly is fed." +So we plunged the hand to the mid-wrist deep +In a cinnamon stew of the fat-tailed sheep, +And he who never hath tasted the food, +By Allah! he knoweth not bad from good. + +We cleansed our beards of the mutton-grease, +We lay on the mats and were filled with peace, +And the talk slid north, and the talk slid south, +With the sliding puffs from the hookah-mouth. + +Four things greater than all things are,-- +Women and Horses and Power and War. + +We spake of them all, but the last the most, +For I sought a word of a Russian post, +Of a shifty promise, an unsheathed sword +And a gray-coat guard on the Helmund ford. + +Then Mahbub Ali lowered his eyes +In the fashion of one who is weaving lies. + +Quoth he: "Of the Russians who can say? +When the night is gathering all is gray. +But we look that the gloom of the night shall die +In the morning flush of a blood-red sky. + +"Friend of my heart, is it meet or wise +To warn a King of his enemies? +We know what Heaven or Hell may bring, +But no man knoweth the mind of the King. + +"That unsought counsel is cursed of God +Attesteth the story of Wali Dad. + +"His sire was leaky of tongue and pen, +His dam was a clucking Khuttuck hen; +And the colt bred close to the vice of each, +For he carried the curse of an unstanched speech. + +"Therewith madness--so that he sought +The favour of kings at the Kabul court; +And travelled, in hope of honour, far +To the line where the gray-coat squadrons are. + +"There have I journeyed too--but I +Saw naught, said naught, and--did not die! +He harked to rumour, and snatched at a breath +Of 'this one knoweth' and 'that one saith',-- +Legends that ran from mouth to mouth +Of a gray-coat coming, and sack of the South. + +"These have I also heard--they pass +With each new spring and the winter grass. + +"Hot-foot southward, forgotten of God, +Back to the city ran Wali Dad, +Even to Kabul--in full durbar +The King held talk with his Chief in War. + +"Into the press of the crowd he broke, +And what he had heard of the coming spoke. + + +"Then Gholam Hyder, the Red Chief, smiled, +As a mother might on a babbling child; +But those who would laugh restrained their breath, +When the face of the King showed dark as death. + +"Evil it is in full durbar +To cry to a ruler of gathering war! +Slowly he led to a peach-tree small, +That grew by a cleft of the city wall. + +"And he said to the boy: 'They shall praise thy zeal +So long as the red spurt follows the steel. + +"'And the Russ is upon us even now? +Great is thy prudence--await them, thou. +Watch from the tree. Thou art young and strong, +Surely thy vigil is not for long. + +"'The Russ is upon us, thy clamour ran? +Surely an hour shall bring their van. +Wait and watch. When the host is near, +Shout aloud that my men may hear.' + +"Friend of my heart, is it meet or wise +To warn a King of his enemies? +A guard was set that he might not flee-- +A score of bayonets ringed the tree. + +"The peach-bloom fell in showers of snow, +When he shook at his death as he looked below. +By the power of God, who alone is great, +Till the seventh day he fought with his fate. + +"Then madness took him, and men declare +He mowed in the branches as ape and bear, +And last as a sloth, ere his body failed, +And he hung as a bat in the forks, and wailed, +And sleep the cord of his hands untied, +And he fell, and was caught on the points and died. + +"Heart of my heart, is it meet or wise +To warn a King of his enemies? +We know what Heaven or Hell may bring, +But no man knoweth the mind of the King. + +"Of the gray-coat coming who can say? +When the night is gathering all is gray. + +"To things greater than all things are, +The first is Love, and the second War. + +"And since we know not how War may prove, +Heart of my heart, let us talk of Love!" + + +THE BALLAD OF BOH DA THONE + + This is the ballad of Boh Da Thone, + Erst a Pretender to Theebaw's throne, + Who harried the district of Alalone: + How he met with his fate and the V.P.P. + + At the hand of Harendra Mukerji, + Senior Gomashta, G.B.T. + +Boh Da Thone was a warrior bold: +His sword and his Snider were bossed with gold, + +And the Peacock Banner his henchmen bore +Was stiff with bullion, but stiffer with gore. + +He shot at the strong and he slashed at the weak +From the Salween scrub to the Chindwin teak: + +He crucified noble, he sacrificed mean, +He filled old ladies with kerosene: + +While over the water the papers cried, +"The patriot fights for his countryside!" + +But little they cared for the Native Press, +The worn white soldiers in Khaki dress, + +Who tramped through the jungle and camped in the byre, +Who died in the swamp and were tombed in the mire, + +Who gave up their lives, at the Queen's Command, +For the Pride of their Race and the Peace of the Land. + +Now, first of the foemen of Boh Da Thone +Was Captain O'Neil of the "Black Tyrone", +And his was a Company, seventy strong, +Who hustled that dissolute Chief along. + +There were lads from Galway and Louth and Meath +Who went to their death with a joke in their teeth, +And worshipped with fluency, fervour, and zeal +The mud on the boot-heels of "Crook" O'Neil. + +But ever a blight on their labours lay, +And ever their quarry would vanish away, +Till the sun-dried boys of the Black Tyrone +Took a brotherly interest in Boh Da Thone: +And, sooth, if pursuit in possession ends, +The Boh and his trackers were best of friends. + +The word of a scout--a march by night-- +A rush through the mist--a scattering fight-- +A volley from cover--a corpse in the clearing-- +The glimpse of a loin-cloth and heavy jade earring-- +The flare of a village--the tally of slain-- +And. . .the Boh was abroad "on the raid" again! + +They cursed their luck, as the Irish will, +They gave him credit for cunning and skill, +They buried their dead, they bolted their beef, +And started anew on the track of the thief +Till, in place of the "Kalends of Greece", men said, +"When Crook and his darlings come back with the head." + +They had hunted the Boh from the hills to the plain-- +He doubled and broke for the hills again: +They had crippled his power for rapine and raid, +They had routed him out of his pet stockade, +And at last, they came, when the Day Star tired, +To a camp deserted--a village fired. + +A black cross blistered the Morning-gold, +And the body upon it was stark and cold. +The wind of the dawn went merrily past, +The high grass bowed her plumes to the blast. + +And out of the grass, on a sudden, broke +A spirtle of fire, a whorl of smoke-- + +And Captain O'Neil of the Black Tyrone +Was blessed with a slug in the ulnar-bone-- +The gift of his enemy Boh Da Thone. + +(Now a slug that is hammered from telegraph-wire +Is a thorn in the flesh and a rankling fire.) +* * * * * + +The shot-wound festered--as shot-wounds may +In a steaming barrack at Mandalay. + +The left arm throbbed, and the Captain swore, +"I'd like to be after the Boh once more!" +The fever held him--the Captain said, +"I'd give a hundred to look at his head!" + +The Hospital punkahs creaked and whirred, +But Babu Harendra (Gomashta) heard. + +He thought of the cane-brake, green and dank, +That girdled his home by the Dacca tank. +He thought of his wife and his High School son, +He thought--but abandoned the thought--of a gun. +His sleep was broken by visions dread +Of a shining Boh with a silver head. + +He kept his counsel and went his way, +And swindled the cartmen of half their pay. +* * * * * + +And the months went on, as the worst must do, +And the Boh returned to the raid anew. + +But the Captain had quitted the long-drawn strife, +And in far Simoorie had taken a wife. +And she was a damsel of delicate mould, +With hair like the sunshine and heart of gold, + +And little she knew the arms that embraced +Had cloven a man from the brow to the waist: +And little she knew that the loving lips +Had ordered a quivering life's eclipse, + +And the eye that lit at her lightest breath +Had glared unawed in the Gates of Death. + +(For these be matters a man would hide, +As a general rule, from an innocent Bride.) + +And little the Captain thought of the past, +And, of all men, Babu Harendra last. +* * * * * + +But slow, in the sludge of the Kathun road, +The Government Bullock Train toted its load. +Speckless and spotless and shining with ghee, +In the rearmost cart sat the Babu-jee. + +And ever a phantom before him fled +Of a scowling Boh with a silver head. + +Then the lead-cart stuck, though the coolies slaved, +And the cartmen flogged and the escort raved; +And out of the jungle, with yells and squeals, +Pranced Boh Da Thone, and his gang at his heels! + +Then belching blunderbuss answered back +The Snider's snarl and the carbine's crack, +And the blithe revolver began to sing +To the blade that twanged on the locking-ring, +And the brown flesh blued where the bay'net kissed, +As the steel shot back with a wrench and a twist, +And the great white bullocks with onyx eyes +Watched the souls of the dead arise, +And over the smoke of the fusillade +The Peacock Banner staggered and swayed. + +Oh, gayest of scrimmages man may see +Is a well-worked rush on the G.B.T.! + +The Babu shook at the horrible sight, +And girded his ponderous loins for flight, +But Fate had ordained that the Boh should start +On a lone-hand raid of the rearmost cart, +And out of that cart, with a bellow of woe, +The Babu fell--flat on the top of the Boh! + +For years had Harendra served the State, +To the growth of his purse and the girth of his _pet_. + +There were twenty stone, as the tally-man knows, +On the broad of the chest of this best of Bohs. +And twenty stone from a height discharged +Are bad for a Boh with a spleen enlarged. + +Oh, short was the struggle--severe was the shock-- +He dropped like a bullock--he lay like a block; +And the Babu above him, convulsed with fear, +Heard the labouring life-breath hissed out in his ear. + +And thus in a fashion undignified +The princely pest of the Chindwin died. +* * * * * + +Turn now to Simoorie where, lapped in his ease, +The Captain is petting the Bride on his knees, +Where the whit of the bullet, the wounded man's scream +Are mixed as the mist of some devilish dream-- +Forgotten, forgotten the sweat of the shambles +Where the hill-daisy blooms and the gray monkey gambols, +From the sword-belt set free and released from the steel, +The Peace of the Lord is with Captain O'Neil. +* * * * * + +Up the hill to Simoorie--most patient of drudges-- +The bags on his shoulder, the mail-runner trudges. + +"For Captain O'Neil, Sahib. One hundred and ten +Rupees to collect on delivery." + Then + +(Their breakfast was stopped while the screw-jack and hammer +Tore waxcloth, split teak-wood, and chipped out the dammer;) + +Open-eyed, open-mouthed, on the napery's snow, +With a crash and a thud, rolled--the Head of the Boh! + +And gummed to the scalp was a letter which ran:-- + "IN FIELDING FORCE SERVICE. + + "Encampment, +"--th Jan. + +"Dear Sir,--I have honour to send, as you said, +For final approval (see under) Boh's Head; + +"Was took by myself in most bloody affair. + +"By High Education brought pressure to bear. + +"Now violate Liberty, time being bad, +To mail V.P.P. (rupees hundred) Please add + +"Whatever Your Honour can pass. Price of Blood +Much cheap at one hundred, and children want food; + +"So trusting Your Honour will somewhat retain +True love and affection for Govt. Bullock Train, + +"And show awful kindness to satisfy me, + I am, + Graceful Master, + Your + H. MUKERJI." +* * * * * + +As the rabbit is drawn to the rattlesnake's power, +As the smoker's eye fills at the opium hour, +As a horse reaches up to the manger above, +As the waiting ear yearns for the whisper of love, +From the arms of the Bride, iron-visaged and slow, +The Captain bent down to the Head of the Boh. + +And e'en as he looked on the Thing where It lay +'Twixt the winking new spoons and the napkins' array, +The freed mind fled back to the long-ago days-- +The hand-to-hand scuffle--the smoke and the blaze-- +The forced march at night and the quick rush at dawn-- +The banjo at twilight, the burial ere morn-- +The stench of the marshes--the raw, piercing smell +When the overhand stabbing-cut silenced the yell-- +The oaths of his Irish that surged when they stood +Where the black crosses hung o'er the Kuttamow flood. + +As a derelict ship drifts away with the tide +The Captain went out on the Past from his Bride, + +Back, back, through the springs to the chill of the year, +When he hunted the Boh from Maloon to Tsaleer. + +As the shape of a corpse dimmers up through deep water, +In his eye lit the passionless passion of slaughter, +And men who had fought with O'Neil for the life +Had gazed on his face with less dread than his wife. + +For she who had held him so long could not hold him-- +Though a four-month Eternity should have controlled him-- +But watched the twin Terror--the head turned to head-- +The scowling, scarred Black, and the flushed savage Red-- +The spirit that changed from her knowing and flew to +Some grim hidden Past she had never a clue to. + +But It knew as It grinned, for he touched it unfearing, +And muttered aloud, "So you kept that jade earring!" + +Then nodded, and kindly, as friend nods to friend, +"Old man, you fought well, but you lost in the end." +* * * * * + +The visions departed, and Shame followed Passion:-- +"He took what I said in this horrible fashion, + +"I'll write to Harendra!" With language unsainted +The Captain came back to the Bride. . .who had fainted. +* * * * * + +And this is a fiction? No. Go to Simoorie +And look at their baby, a twelve-month old Houri, +A pert little, Irish-eyed Kathleen Mavournin-- +She's always about on the Mall of a mornin'-- + +And you'll see, if her right shoulder-strap is displaced, +This: Gules upon argent, a Boh's Head, erased! + + +THE LAMENT OF THE BORDER CATTLE THIEF + +O woe is me for the merry life + I led beyond the Bar, +And a treble woe for my winsome wife + That weeps at Shalimar. + +They have taken away my long jezail, + My shield and sabre fine, +And heaved me into the Central jail + For lifting of the kine. + +The steer may low within the byre, + The Jat may tend his grain, +But there'll be neither loot nor fire + Till I come back again. + +And God have mercy on the Jat + When once my fetters fall, +And Heaven defend the farmer's hut + When I am loosed from thrall. + +It's woe to bend the stubborn back + Above the grinching quern, +It's woe to hear the leg-bar clack + And jingle when I turn! + +But for the sorrow and the shame, + The brand on me and mine, +I'll pay you back in leaping flame + And loss of the butchered kine. + +For every cow I spared before + In charity set free, +If I may reach my hold once more + I'll reive an honest three. + +For every time I raised the low + That scared the dusty plain, +By sword and cord, by torch and tow + I'll light the land with twain! + +Ride hard, ride hard to Abazai, + Young Sahib with the yellow hair-- +Lie close, lie close as khuttucks lie, + Fat herds below Bonair! + +The one I'll shoot at twilight-tide, + At dawn I'll drive the other; +The black shall mourn for hoof and hide, + The white man for his brother. + +'Tis war, red war, I'll give you then, + War till my sinews fail; +For the wrong you have done to a chief of men, + And a thief of the Zukka Kheyl. + +And if I fall to your hand afresh + I give you leave for the sin, +That you cram my throat with the foul pig's flesh, + And swing me in the skin! + + +THE RHYME OF THE THREE CAPTAINS + +This ballad appears to refer to one of the exploits of the notorious Paul +Jones, the American pirate. It is founded on fact. + + + . . . At the close of a winter day, +Their anchors down, by London town, the Three Great Captains lay; +And one was Admiral of the North from Solway Firth to Skye, +And one was Lord of the Wessex coast and all the lands thereby, +And one was Master of the Thames from Limehouse to Blackwall, +And he was Captain of the Fleet--the bravest of them all. + +Their good guns guarded their great gray sides that were thirty foot in the +sheer, +When there came a certain trading-brig with news of a privateer. + +Her rigging was rough with the clotted drift that drives in a Northern breeze, +Her sides were clogged with the lazy weed that spawns in the Eastern seas. + +Light she rode in the rude tide-rip, to left and right she rolled, +And the skipper sat on the scuttle-butt and stared at an empty hold. + +"I ha' paid Port dues for your Law," quoth he, "and where is the Law ye boast +If I sail unscathed from a heathen port to be robbed on a Christian coast? +Ye have smoked the hives of the Laccadives as we burn the lice in a bunk, +We tack not now to a Gallang prow or a plunging Pei-ho junk; +I had no fear but the seas were clear as far as a sail might fare +Till I met with a lime-washed Yankee brig that rode off Finisterre. + +"There were canvas blinds to his bow-gun ports to screen the weight he bore, +And the signals ran for a merchantman from Sandy Hook to the Nore. + +"He would not fly the Rovers' flag--the bloody or the black, +But now he floated the Gridiron and now he flaunted the Jack. +He spoke of the Law as he crimped my crew--he swore it was only a loan; +But when I would ask for my own again, he swore it was none of my own. + +"He has taken my little parrakeets that nest beneath the Line, +He has stripped my rails of the shaddock-frails and the green unripened pine; +He has taken my bale of dammer and spice I won beyond the seas, +He has taken my grinning heathen gods--and what should he want o' these? +My foremast would not mend his boom, my deckhouse patch his boats; +He has whittled the two, this Yank Yahoo, to peddle for shoe-peg oats. + +"I could not fight for the failing light and a rough beam-sea beside, +But I hulled him once for a clumsy crimp and twice because he lied. + +"Had I had guns (as I had goods) to work my Christian harm, +I had run him up from his quarter-deck to trade with his own yard-arm; +I had nailed his ears to my capstan-head, and ripped them off with a saw, +And soused them in the bilgewater, and served them to him raw; +I had flung him blind in a rudderless boat to rot in the rocking dark, +I had towed him aft of his own craft, a bait for his brother shark; +I had lapped him round with cocoa husk, and drenched him with the oil, +And lashed him fast to his own mast to blaze above my spoil; +I had stripped his hide for my hammock-side, and tasselled his beard i' the +mesh, +And spitted his crew on the live bamboo that grows through the gangrened +flesh; +I had hove him down by the mangroves brown, where the mud-reef sucks and +draws, +Moored by the heel to his own keel to wait for the land-crab's claws! +He is lazar within and lime without, ye can nose him far enow, +For he carries the taint of a musky ship--the reek of the slaver's dhow!" +The skipper looked at the tiering guns and the bulwarks tall and cold, +And the Captains Three full courteously peered down at the gutted hold, +And the Captains Three called courteously from deck to scuttle-butt:-- +"Good Sir, we ha' dealt with that merchantman or ever your teeth were cut. + +"Your words be words of a lawless race, and the Law it standeth thus: +He comes of a race that have never a Law, and he never has boarded us. + +"We ha' sold him canvas and rope and spar--we know that his price is fair, +And we know that he weeps for the lack of a Law as he rides off Finisterre. + +"And since he is damned for a gallows-thief by you and better than you, +We hold it meet that the English fleet should know that we hold him true." +The skipper called to the tall taffrail:--"And what is that to me? +Did ever you hear of a Yankee brig that rifled a Seventy-three? +Do I loom so large from your quarter-deck that I lift like a ship o' + the Line? +He has learned to run from a shotted gun and harry such craft as mine. + +"There is never a Law on the Cocos Keys to hold a white man in, +But we do not steal the niggers' meal, for that is a nigger's sin. + +"Must he have his Law as a quid to chaw, or laid in brass on his wheel? +Does he steal with tears when he buccaneers? 'Fore Gad, then, why does he +steal?" +The skipper bit on a deep-sea word, and the word it was not sweet, +For he could see the Captains Three had signalled to the Fleet. + +But three and two, in white and blue, the whimpering flags began:-- +"We have heard a tale of a--foreign sail, but he is a merchantman." +The skipper peered beneath his palm and swore by the Great Horn Spoon:-- +"'Fore Gad, the Chaplain of the Fleet would bless my picaroon!" +By two and three the flags blew free to lash the laughing air:-- +"We have sold our spars to the merchantman--we know that his price is fair." +The skipper winked his Western eye, and swore by a China storm:-- +"They ha' rigged him a Joseph's jury-coat to keep his honour warm." +The halliards twanged against the tops, the bunting bellied broad, +The skipper spat in the empty hold and mourned for a wasted cord. + +Masthead--masthead, the signal sped by the line o' the British craft; +The skipper called to his Lascar crew, and put her about and laughed:-- +"It's mainsail haul, my bully boys all--we'll out to the seas again-- +Ere they set us to paint their pirate saint, or scrub at his grapnel-chain. + +"It's fore-sheet free, with her head to the sea, and the swing of the +unbought brine-- +We'll make no sport in an English court till we come as a ship o' the Line: +Till we come as a ship o' the Line, my lads, of thirty foot in the sheer, +Lifting again from the outer main with news of a privateer; +Flying his pluck at our mizzen-truck for weft of Admiralty, +Heaving his head for our dipsey-lead in sign that we keep the sea. + +"Then fore-sheet home as she lifts to the foam--we stand on the outward +tack, +We are paid in the coin of the white man's trade--the bezant is hard, ay, +and black. + +"The frigate-bird shall carry my word to the Kling and the Orang-Laut +How a man may sail from a heathen coast to be robbed in a Christian port; +How a man may be robbed in Christian port while Three Great Captains there +Shall dip their flag to a slaver's rag--to show that his trade is fair!" + + +THE BALLAD OF THE CLAMPHERDOWN + +It was our war-ship Clampherdown + Would sweep the Channel clean, +Wherefore she kept her hatches close +When the merry Channel chops arose, + To save the bleached marine. + +She had one bow-gun of a hundred ton, + And a great stern-gun beside; +They dipped their noses deep in the sea, +They racked their stays and stanchions free + In the wash of the wind-whipped tide. + +It was our war-ship Clampherdown, + Fell in with a cruiser light +That carried the dainty Hotchkiss gun +And a pair o' heels wherewith to run + From the grip of a close-fought fight. + +She opened fire at seven miles-- + As ye shoot at a bobbing cork-- +And once she fired and twice she fired, +Till the bow-gun drooped like a lily tired + That lolls upon the stalk. + +"Captain, the bow-gun melts apace, + The deck-beams break below, +'Twere well to rest for an hour or twain, +And patch the shattered plates again." + And he answered, "Make it so." + +She opened fire within the mile-- + As ye shoot at the flying duck-- +And the great stern-gun shot fair and true, +With the heave of the ship, to the stainless blue, + And the great stern-turret stuck. + +"Captain, the turret fills with steam, + The feed-pipes burst below-- +You can hear the hiss of the helpless ram, +You can hear the twisted runners jam." + And he answered, "Turn and go!" + +It was our war-ship Clampherdown, + And grimly did she roll; +Swung round to take the cruiser's fire +As the White Whale faces the Thresher's ire + When they war by the frozen Pole. + +"Captain, the shells are falling fast, + And faster still fall we; +And it is not meet for English stock +To bide in the heart of an eight-day clock + The death they cannot see." + +"Lie down, lie down, my bold A.B., + We drift upon her beam; +We dare not ram, for she can run; +And dare ye fire another gun, + And die in the peeling steam?" + +It was our war-ship Clampherdown + That carried an armour-belt; +But fifty feet at stern and bow +Lay bare as the paunch of the purser's sow, + To the hail of the Nordenfeldt. + +"Captain, they hack us through and through; + The chilled steel bolts are swift! +We have emptied the bunkers in open sea, +Their shrapnel bursts where our coal should be." + And he answered, "Let her drift." + +It was our war-ship Clampherdown, + Swung round upon the tide, +Her two dumb guns glared south and north, +And the blood and the bubbling steam ran forth, + And she ground the cruiser's side. + +"Captain, they cry, the fight is done, + They bid you send your sword." +And he answered, "Grapple her stern and bow. +They have asked for the steel. They shall have it now; + Out cutlasses and board!" + +It was our war-ship Clampherdown + Spewed up four hundred men; +And the scalded stokers yelped delight, +As they rolled in the waist and heard the fight + Stamp o'er their steel-walled pen. + +They cleared the cruiser end to end, + From conning-tower to hold. +They fought as they fought in Nelson's fleet; +They were stripped to the waist, they were bare to the feet, + As it was in the days of old. + +It was the sinking Clampherdown + Heaved up her battered side-- +And carried a million pounds in steel, +To the cod and the corpse-fed conger-eel, + And the scour of the Channel tide. + +It was the crew of the Clampherdown + Stood out to sweep the sea, +On a cruiser won from an ancient foe, +As it was in the days of long ago, + And as it still shall be. + + +THE BALLAD OF THE "BOLIVAR" + + Seven men from all the world, back to Docks again, + Rolling down the Ratcliffe Road drunk and raising Cain: + Give the girls another drink 'fore we sign away-- + We that took the Bolivar out across the Bay! + +We put out from Sunderland loaded down with rails; + We put back to Sunderland 'cause our cargo shifted; +We put out from Sunderland--met the winter gales-- + Seven days and seven nights to the Start we drifted. + + Racketing her rivets loose, smoke-stack white as snow, + All the coals adrift adeck, half the rails below, + Leaking like a lobster-pot, steering like a dray-- + Out we took the Bolivar, out across the Bay! + +One by one the Lights came up, winked and let us by; + Mile by mile we waddled on, coal and fo'c'sle short; +Met a blow that laid us down, heard a bulkhead fly; + Left the Wolf behind us with a two-foot list to port. + + Trailing like a wounded duck, working out her soul; + Clanging like a smithy-shop after every roll; + Just a funnel and a mast lurching through the spray-- + So we threshed the Bolivar out across the Bay! + +'Felt her hog and felt her sag, betted when she'd break; + Wondered every time she raced if she'd stand the shock; +Heard the seas like drunken men pounding at her strake; + Hoped the Lord 'ud keep his thumb on the plummer-block. + + Banged against the iron decks, bilges choked with coal; + Flayed and frozen foot and hand, sick of heart and soul; + Last we prayed she'd buck herself into judgment Day-- + Hi! we cursed the Bolivar--knocking round the Bay! + +O her nose flung up to sky, groaning to be still-- + Up and down and back we went, never time for breath; +Then the money paid at Lloyd's caught her by the heel, + And the stars ran round and round dancin' at our death. + + Aching for an hour's sleep, dozing off between; + 'Heard the rotten rivets draw when she took it green; + 'Watched the compass chase its tail like a cat at play-- + That was on the Bolivar, south across the Bay. + + +Once we saw between the squalls, lyin' head to swell-- + Mad with work and weariness, wishin' they was we-- +Some damned Liner's lights go by like a long hotel; + Cheered her from the Bolivar--swampin' in the sea. + + Then a grayback cleared us out, then the skipper laughed; + "Boys, the wheel has gone to Hell--rig the winches aft! + Yoke the kicking rudder-head--get her under way!" + So we steered her, pulley-haul, out across the Bay! + +Just a pack o' rotten plates puttied up with tar, +In we came, an' time enough, 'cross Bilbao Bar. + + Overloaded, undermanned, meant to founder, we + Euchred God Almighty's storm, bluffed the Eternal Sea! + + Seven men from all the world, back to town again, + Rollin' down the Ratcliffe Road drunk and raising Cain: + Seven men from out of Hell. Ain't the owners gay, + 'Cause we took the "Bolivar" safe across the Bay? + + +THE ENGLISH FLAG + + Above the portico a flag-staff, bearing the Union Jack, + remained fluttering in the flames for some time, but ultimately + when it fell the crowds rent the air with shouts, + and seemed to see significance in the incident.--DAILY PAPERS. + + +Winds of the World, give answer! They are whimpering to and fro-- +And what should they know of England who only England know?-- +The poor little street-bred people that vapour and fume and brag, +They are lifting their heads in the stillness to yelp at the English Flag! + +Must we borrow a clout from the Boer--to plaster anew with dirt? +An Irish liar's bandage, or an English coward's shirt? + +We may not speak of England; her Flag's to sell or share. +What is the Flag of England? Winds of the World, declare! + +The North Wind blew:--"From Bergen my steel-shod vanguards go; +I chase your lazy whalers home from the Disko floe; +By the great North Lights above me I work the will of God, +And the liner splits on the ice-field or the Dogger fills with cod. + +"I barred my gates with iron, I shuttered my doors with flame, +Because to force my ramparts your nutshell navies came; +I took the sun from their presence, I cut them down with my blast, +And they died, but the Flag of England blew free ere the spirit passed. + +"The lean white bear hath seen it in the long, long Arctic night, +The musk-ox knows the standard that flouts the Northern Light: +What is the Flag of England? Ye have but my bergs to dare, +Ye have but my drifts to conquer. Go forth, for it is there!" + +The South Wind sighed:--"From the Virgins my mid-sea course was ta'en +Over a thousand islands lost in an idle main, +Where the sea-egg flames on the coral and the long-backed breakers croon +Their endless ocean legends to the lazy, locked lagoon. + +"Strayed amid lonely islets, mazed amid outer keys, +I waked the palms to laughter--I tossed the scud in the breeze-- +Never was isle so little, never was sea so lone, +But over the scud and the palm-trees an English flag was flown. + +"I have wrenched it free from the halliard to hang for a wisp on the Horn; +I have chased it north to the Lizard--ribboned and rolled and torn; +I have spread its fold o'er the dying, adrift in a hopeless sea; +I have hurled it swift on the slaver, and seen the slave set free. + +"My basking sunfish know it, and wheeling albatross, +Where the lone wave fills with fire beneath the Southern Cross. +What is the Flag of England? Ye have but my reefs to dare, +Ye have but my seas to furrow. Go forth, for it is there!" + +The East Wind roared:--"From the Kuriles, the Bitter Seas, I come, +And me men call the Home-Wind, for I bring the English home. +Look--look well to your shipping! By the breath of my mad typhoon +I swept your close-packed Praya and beached your best at Kowloon! + +"The reeling junks behind me and the racing seas before, +I raped your richest roadstead--I plundered Singapore! +I set my hand on the Hoogli; as a hooded snake she rose, +And I flung your stoutest steamers to roost with the startled crows. + +"Never the lotus closes, never the wild-fowl wake, +But a soul goes out on the East Wind that died for England's sake-- +Man or woman or suckling, mother or bride or maid-- +Because on the bones of the English the English Flag is stayed. + +"The desert-dust hath dimmed it, the flying wild-ass knows, +The scared white leopard winds it across the taintless snows. +What is the Flag of England? Ye have but my sun to dare, +Ye have but my sands to travel. Go forth, for it is there!" + +The West Wind called:--"In squadrons the thoughtless galleons fly +That bear the wheat and cattle lest street-bred people die. +They make my might their porter, they make my house their path, +Till I loose my neck from their rudder and whelm them all in my wrath. + +"I draw the gliding fog-bank as a snake is drawn from the hole, +They bellow one to the other, the frighted ship-bells toll, +For day is a drifting terror till I raise the shroud with my breath, +And they see strange bows above them and the two go locked to death. + +"But whether in calm or wrack-wreath, whether by dark or day, +I heave them whole to the conger or rip their plates away, +First of the scattered legions, under a shrieking sky, +Dipping between the rollers, the English Flag goes by. + +"The dead dumb fog hath wrapped it--the frozen dews have kissed-- +The naked stars have seen it, a fellow-star in the mist. +What is the Flag of England? Ye have but my breath to dare, +Ye have but my waves to conquer. Go forth, for it is there!" + + +"CLEARED" +(In Memory of a Commission) + +Help for a patriot distressed, a spotless spirit hurt, +Help for an honorable clan sore trampled in the dirt! +From Queenstown Bay to Donegal, O listen to my song, +The honorable gentlemen have suffered grievous wrong. + +Their noble names were mentioned--O the burning black disgrace!-- +By a brutal Saxon paper in an Irish shooting-case; +They sat upon it for a year, then steeled their heart to brave it, +And "coruscating innocence" the learned Judges gave it. + +Bear witness, Heaven, of that grim crime beneath the surgeon's knife, +The honorable gentlemen deplored the loss of life; +Bear witness of those chanting choirs that burk and shirk and snigger, +No man laid hand upon the knife or finger to the trigger! + +Cleared in the face of all mankind beneath the winking skies, +Like phoenixes from Phoenix Park (and what lay there) they rise! +Go shout it to the emerald seas-give word to Erin now, +Her honorable gentlemen are cleared--and this is how: + +They only paid the Moonlighter his cattle-hocking price, +They only helped the murderer with council's best advice, +But--sure it keeps their honor white--the learned Court believes +They never gave a piece of plate to murderers and thieves. + +They ever told the ramping crowd to card a woman's hide, +They never marked a man for death--what fault of theirs he died?-- +They only said "intimidate," and talked and went away-- +By God, the boys that did the work were braver men than they! + +Their sin it was that fed the fire--small blame to them that heard +The "bhoys" get drunk on rhetoric, and madden at the word-- +They knew whom they were talking at, if they were Irish too, +The gentlemen that lied in Court, they knew and well they knew. + +They only took the Judas-gold from Fenians out of jail, +They only fawned for dollars on the blood-dyed Clan-na-Gael. +If black is black or white is white, ill black and white it's down, +They're only traitors to the Queen and rebels to the Crown. + +"Cleared," honorable gentlemen. Be thankful it's no more: +The widow's curse is on your house, the dead are at your door. +On you the shame of open shame, on you from North to South +The band of every honest man flat-heeled across your mouth. + +"Less black than we were painted"?--Faith, no word of black was said; +The lightest touch was human blood, and that, ye know, runs red. +It's sticking to your fist today for all your sneer and scoff, +And by the Judge's well-weighed word you cannot wipe it off. + +Hold up those hands of innocence--go, scare your sheep, together, +The blundering, tripping tups that bleat behind the old bell-wether; +And if they snuff the taint and break to find another pen, +Tell them it's tar that glistens so, and daub them yours again! + +"The charge is old"?--As old as Cain--as fresh as yesterday; +Old as the Ten Commandments, have ye talked those laws away? +If words are words, or death is death, or powder sends the ball, +You spoke the words that sped the shot--the curse be on you all. + +"Our friends believe"? Of course they do--as sheltered women may; +But have they seen the shrieking soul ripped from the quivering clay? +They--If their own front door is shut, they'll swear the whole world's warm; +What do they know of dread of death or hanging fear of harm? + +The secret half a country keeps, the whisper in the lane, +The shriek that tells the shot went home behind the broken pane, +The dry blood crisping in the sun that scares the honest bees, +And shows the "bhoys" have heard your talk--what do they know of these? + +But you--you know--ay, ten times more; the secrets of the dead, +Black terror on the country-side by word and whisper bred, +The mangled stallion's scream at night, the tail-cropped heifer's low. +Who set the whisper going first? You know, and well you know! + +My soul! I'd sooner lie in jail for murder plain and straight, +Pure crime I'd done with my own hand for money, lust, or hate, +Than take a seat in Parliament by fellow-felons cheered, +While one of those "not provens" proved me cleared as you are cleared. + +Cleared--you that "lost" the League accounts--go, guard our honor still, +Go, help to make our country's laws that broke God's laws at will-- +One hand stuck out behind the back, to signal "strike again"; +The other on your dress-shirt front to show your heart is @dane, + +If black is black or white is white, in black and white it's down, +You're only traitors to the Queen and but rebels to the Crown +If print is print or words are words, the learned Court perpends: +We are not ruled by murderers, only--by their friends. + + +AN IMPERIAL RESCRIPT + +Now this is the tale of the Council the German Kaiser decreed, +To ease the strong of their burden, to help the weak in their need, +He sent a word to the peoples, who struggle, and pant, and sweat, +That the straw might be counted fairly and the tally of bricks be set. + +The Lords of Their Hands assembled; from the East and the West they drew-- +Baltimore, Lille, and Essen, Brummagem, Clyde, and Crewe. +And some were black from the furnace, and some were brown from the soil, +And some were blue from the dye-vat; but all were wearied of toil. + +And the young King said:--"I have found it, the road to the rest ye seek: +The strong shall wait for the weary, the hale shall halt for the weak; +With the even tramp of an army where no man breaks from the line, +Ye shall march to peace and plenty in the bond of brotherhood--sign!" + +The paper lay on the table, the strong heads bowed thereby, +And a wail went up from the peoples:--"Ay, sign--give rest, for we die!" +A hand was stretched to the goose-quill, a fist was cramped to scrawl, +When--the laugh of a blue-eyed maiden ran clear through the council-hall. + +And each one heard Her laughing as each one saw Her plain-- +Saidie, Mimi, or Olga, Gretchen, or Mary Jane. +And the Spirit of Man that is in Him to the light of the vision woke; +And the men drew back from the paper, as a Yankee delegate spoke:-- + +"There's a girl in Jersey City who works on the telephone; +We're going to hitch our horses and dig for a house of our own, +With gas and water connections, and steam-heat through to the top; +And, W. Hohenzollern, I guess I shall work till I drop." + +And an English delegate thundered:--"The weak an' the lame be blowed! +I've a berth in the Sou'-West workshops, a home in the Wandsworth Road; +And till the 'sociation has footed my buryin' bill, +I work for the kids an' the missus. Pull up? I be damned if I will!" + +And over the German benches the bearded whisper ran:-- +"Lager, der girls und der dollars, dey makes or dey breaks a man. +If Schmitt haf collared der dollars, he collars der girl deremit; +But if Schmitt bust in der pizness, we collars der girl from Schmitt." + +They passed one resolution:--"Your sub-committee believe +You can lighten the curse of Adam when you've lightened the curse of Eve. +But till we are built like angels, with hammer and chisel and pen, +We will work for ourself and a woman, for ever and ever, amen." + +Now this is the tale of the Council the German Kaiser held-- +The day that they razored the Grindstone, the day that the Cat was belled, +The day of the Figs from Thistles, the day of the Twisted Sands, +The day that the laugh of a maiden made light of the Lords of Their Hands. + + +TOMLINSON + +Now Tomlinson gave up the ghost in his house in Berkeley Square, +And a Spirit came to his bedside and gripped him by the hair-- +A Spirit gripped him by the hair and carried him far away, +Till he heard as the roar of a rain-fed ford the roar of the Milky Way: +Till he heard the roar of the Milky Way die down and drone and cease, +And they came to the Gate within the Wall where Peter holds the keys. + +"Stand up, stand up now, Tomlinson, and answer loud and high +The good that ye did for the sake of men or ever ye came to die-- +The good that ye did for the sake of men in little earth so lone!" +And the naked soul of Tomlinson grew white as a rain-washed bone. + +"O I have a friend on earth," he said, "that was my priest and guide, +And well would he answer all for me if he were by my side." +--"For that ye strove in neighbour-love it shall be written fair, +But now ye wait at Heaven's Gate and not in Berkeley Square: +Though we called your friend from his bed this night, he could not speak +for you, +For the race is run by one and one and never by two and two." +Then Tomlinson looked up and down, and little gain was there, +For the naked stars grinned overhead, and he saw that his soul was bare: +The Wind that blows between the worlds, it cut him like a knife, +And Tomlinson took up his tale and spoke of his good in life. + +"This I have read in a book," he said, "and that was told to me, +And this I have thought that another man thought of a Prince in Muscovy." +The good souls flocked like homing doves and bade him clear the path, +And Peter twirled the jangling keys in weariness and wrath. + +"Ye have read, ye have heard, ye have thought," he said, "and the tale is +yet to run: +By the worth of the body that once ye had, give answer--what ha'ye done?" +Then Tomlinson looked back and forth, and little good it bore, +For the Darkness stayed at his shoulder-blade and Heaven's Gate before:-- +"O this I have felt, and this I have guessed, and this I have heard men say, +And this they wrote that another man wrote of a carl in Norroway." +--"Ye have read, ye have felt, ye have guessed, good lack! Ye have hampered +Heaven's Gate; +There's little room between the stars in idleness to prate! +O none may reach by hired speech of neighbour, priest, and kin +Through borrowed deed to God's good meed that lies so fair within; +Get hence, get hence to the Lord of Wrong, for doom has yet to run, +And. . .the faith that ye share with Berkeley Square uphold you, Tomlinson!" +* * * * * + +The Spirit gripped him by the hair, and sun by sun they fell +Till they came to the belt of Naughty Stars that rim the mouth of Hell: +The first are red with pride and wrath, the next are white with pain, +But the third are black with clinkered sin that cannot burn again: +They may hold their path, they may leave their path, with never a soul to +mark, +They may burn or freeze, but they must not cease in the Scorn of the Outer +Dark. + +The Wind that blows between the worlds, it nipped him to the bone, +And he yearned to the flare of Hell-Gate there as the light of his own +hearth-stone. + +The Devil he sat behind the bars, where the desperate legions drew, +But he caught the hasting Tomlinson and would not let him through. + +"Wot ye the price of good pit-coal that I must pay?" said he, +"That ye rank yoursel' so fit for Hell and ask no leave of me? +I am all o'er-sib to Adam's breed that ye should give me scorn, +For I strove with God for your First Father the day that he was born. + +"Sit down, sit down upon the slag, and answer loud and high +The harm that ye did to the Sons of Men or ever you came to die." +And Tomlinson looked up and up, and saw against the night +The belly of a tortured star blood-red in Hell-Mouth light; +And Tomlinson looked down and down, and saw beneath his feet +The frontlet of a tortured star milk-white in Hell-Mouth heat. + +"O I had a love on earth," said he, "that kissed me to my fall, +And if ye would call my love to me I know she would answer all." +--"All that ye did in love forbid it shall be written fair, +But now ye wait at Hell-Mouth Gate and not in Berkeley Square: +Though we whistled your love from her bed tonight, I trow she would not run, +For the sin ye do by two and two ye must pay for one by one!" +The Wind that blows between the worlds, it cut him like a knife, +And Tomlinson took up the tale and spoke of his sin in life:-- +"Once I ha' laughed at the power of Love and twice at the grip of the Grave, +And thrice I ha' patted my God on the head that men might call me brave." +The Devil he blew on a brandered soul and set it aside to cool:-- +"Do ye think I would waste my good pit-coal on the hide of a brain-sick fool? +I see no worth in the hobnailed mirth or the jolthead jest ye did +That I should waken my gentlemen that are sleeping three on a grid." +Then Tomlinson looked back and forth, and there was little grace, +For Hell-Gate filled the houseless Soul with the Fear of Naked Space. + +"Nay, this I ha' heard," quo' Tomlinson, "and this was noised abroad, +And this I ha' got from a Belgian book on the word of a dead French lord." +--"Ye ha' heard, ye ha' read, ye ha' got, good lack! and the tale begins +afresh-- +Have ye sinned one sin for the pride o' the eye or the sinful lust of the +flesh?" +Then Tomlinson he gripped the bars and yammered, "Let me in-- +For I mind that I borrowed my neighbour's wife to sin the deadly sin." +The Devil he grinned behind the bars, and banked the fires high: +"Did ye read of that sin in a book?" said he; and Tomlinson said, "Ay!" +The Devil he blew upon his nails, and the little devils ran, +And he said: "Go husk this whimpering thief that comes in the guise of a man: +Winnow him out 'twixt star and star, and sieve his proper worth: +There's sore decline in Adam's line if this be spawn of earth." + +Empusa's crew, so naked-new they may not face the fire, +But weep that they bin too small to sin to the height of their desire, +Over the coal they chased the Soul, and racked it all abroad, +As children rifle a caddis-case or the raven's foolish hoard. + +And back they came with the tattered Thing, as children after play, +And they said: "The soul that he got from God he has bartered clean away. + +"We have threshed a stook of print and book, and winnowed a chattering wind +And many a soul wherefrom he stole, but his we cannot find: +We have handled him, we have dandled him, we have seared him to the bone, +And sure if tooth and nail show truth he has no soul of his own." +The Devil he bowed his head on his breast and rumbled deep and low:-- +"I'm all o'er-sib to Adam's breed that I should bid him go. + +"Yet close we lie, and deep we lie, and if I gave him place, +My gentlemen that are so proud would flout me to my face; +They'd call my house a common stews and me a careless host, +And--I would not anger my gentlemen for the sake of a shiftless ghost." +The Devil he looked at the mangled Soul that prayed to feel the flame, +And he thought of Holy Charity, but he thought of his own good name:-- +"Now ye could haste my coal to waste, and sit ye down to fry: +Did ye think of that theft for yourself?" said he; and Tomlinson said, "Ay!" +The Devil he blew an outward breath, for his heart was free from care:-- +"Ye have scarce the soul of a louse," he said, "but the roots of sin are +there, +And for that sin should ye come in were I the lord alone. +But sinful pride has rule inside--and mightier than my own. + +"Honour and Wit, fore-damned they sit, to each his priest and whore: +Nay, scarce I dare myself go there, and you they'd torture sore. + +"Ye are neither spirit nor spirk," he said; + "ye are neither book nor brute-- +Go, get ye back to the flesh again for the sake of Man's repute. + +"I'm all o'er-sib to Adam's breed that I should mock your pain, +But look that ye win to worthier sin ere ye come back again. +Get hence, the hearse is at your door--the grim black stallions wait-- +They bear your clay to place today. Speed, lest ye come too late! +Go back to Earth with a lip unsealed--go back with an open eye, +And carry my word to the Sons of Men or ever ye come to die: +That the sin they do by two and two they must pay for one by one-- +And. . .the God that you took from a printed book be with you, Tomlinson!" + +* * * * * * * + + +BARRACK-ROOM BALLADS + + Dedication + + To T. A. + + I have made for you a song, + And it may be right or wrong, + But only you can tell me if it's true; + I have tried for to explain + Both your pleasure and your pain, + And, Thomas, here's my best respects to you! + + O there'll surely come a day + When they'll give you all your pay, + And treat you as a Christian ought to do; + So, until that day comes round, + Heaven keep you safe and sound, + And, Thomas, here's my best respects to you! + --R. K. + +DANNY DEEVER + +"What are the bugles blowin' for?" said Files-on-Parade. + +"To turn you out, to turn you out", the Colour-Sergeant said. + +"What makes you look so white, so white?" said Files-on-Parade. + +"I'm dreadin' what I've got to watch", the Colour-Sergeant said. + + For they're hangin' Danny Deever, you can hear the Dead March play, + The regiment's in 'ollow square--they're hangin' him today; + They've taken of his buttons off an' cut his stripes away, + An' they're hangin' Danny Deever in the mornin'. + +"What makes the rear-rank breathe so 'ard?" said Files-on-Parade. + +"It's bitter cold, it's bitter cold", the Colour-Sergeant said. + +"What makes that front-rank man fall down?" said Files-on-Parade. + +"A touch o' sun, a touch o' sun", the Colour-Sergeant said. + + They are hangin' Danny Deever, they are marchin' of 'im round, + They 'ave 'alted Danny Deever by 'is coffin on the ground; + An' 'e'll swing in 'arf a minute for a sneakin' shootin' hound-- + O they're hangin' Danny Deever in the mornin'! + +"'Is cot was right-'and cot to mine", said Files-on-Parade. + +"'E's sleepin' out an' far tonight", the Colour-Sergeant said. + +"I've drunk 'is beer a score o' times", said Files-on-Parade. + +"'E's drinkin' bitter beer alone", the Colour-Sergeant said. + + They are hangin' Danny Deever, you must mark 'im to 'is place, + For 'e shot a comrade sleepin'--you must look 'im in the face; + Nine 'undred of 'is county an' the regiment's disgrace, + While they're hangin' Danny Deever in the mornin'. + +"What's that so black agin' the sun?" said Files-on-Parade. + +"It's Danny fightin' 'ard for life", the Colour-Sergeant said. + +"What's that that whimpers over'ead?" said Files-on-Parade. + +"It's Danny's soul that's passin' now", the Colour-Sergeant said. + + For they're done with Danny Deever, you can 'ear the quickstep play, + The regiment's in column, an' they're marchin' us away; + Ho! the young recruits are shakin', an' they'll want their beer today, + After hangin' Danny Deever in the mornin'. + + +TOMMY + +I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer, +The publican 'e up an' sez, "We serve no red-coats here." +The girls be'ind the bar they laughed an' giggled fit to die, +I outs into the street again an' to myself sez I: + O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, go away"; + But it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play, + The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play, + O it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play. + +I went into a theatre as sober as could be, +They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me; +They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls, +But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls! + For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, wait outside"; + But it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide, + The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide, + O it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide. + +Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep +Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap; +An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit +Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit. + + Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?" + But it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll, + The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll, + O it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll. + +We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too, +But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you; +An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints, +Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints; + While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, + an' "Tommy, fall be'ind", + But it's "Please to walk in front, sir", + when there's trouble in the wind, + There's trouble in the wind, my boys, + there's trouble in the wind, + O it's "Please to walk in front, sir", + when there's trouble in the wind. + +You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all: +We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational. +Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face +The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace. + + For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!" + But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot; + An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please; + An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool--you bet that Tommy sees! + + +FUZZY-WUZZY +(Soudan Expeditionary Force) + +We've fought with many men acrost the seas, + An' some of 'em was brave an' some was not: +The Paythan an' the Zulu an' Burmese; + But the Fuzzy was the finest o' the lot. + +We never got a ha'porth's change of 'im: + 'E squatted in the scrub an' 'ocked our 'orses, +'E cut our sentries up at Suakim, + An' 'e played the cat an' banjo with our forces. + + So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in the Soudan; + You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man; + We gives you your certificate, an' if you want it signed + We'll come an' 'ave a romp with you whenever you're inclined. + +We took our chanst among the Khyber 'ills, + The Boers knocked us silly at a mile, +The Burman give us Irriwaddy chills, + An' a Zulu impi dished us up in style: +But all we ever got from such as they + Was pop to what the Fuzzy made us swaller; +We 'eld our bloomin' own, the papers say, + But man for man the Fuzzy knocked us 'oller. + + Then 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, an' the missis and the kid; + Our orders was to break you, an' of course we went an' did. + We sloshed you with Martinis, an' it wasn't 'ardly fair; + But for all the odds agin' you, Fuzzy-Wuz, you broke the square. + +'E 'asn't got no papers of 'is own, + 'E 'asn't got no medals nor rewards, +So we must certify the skill 'e's shown + In usin' of 'is long two-'anded swords: +When 'e's 'oppin' in an' out among the bush + With 'is coffin-'eaded shield an' shovel-spear, +An 'appy day with Fuzzy on the rush + Will last an 'ealthy Tommy for a year. + + So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, an' your friends which are no more, + If we 'adn't lost some messmates we would 'elp you to deplore; + But give an' take's the gospel, an' we'll call the bargain fair, + For if you 'ave lost more than us, you crumpled up the square! + +'E rushes at the smoke when we let drive, + An', before we know, 'e's 'ackin' at our 'ead; +'E's all 'ot sand an' ginger when alive, + An' 'e's generally shammin' when 'e's dead. + +'E's a daisy, 'e's a ducky, 'e's a lamb! + 'E's a injia-rubber idiot on the spree, +'E's the on'y thing that doesn't give a damn + For a Regiment o' British Infantree! + So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in the Soudan; + You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man; + An' 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, with your 'ayrick 'ead of 'air-- + You big black boundin' beggar--for you broke a British square! + + +SOLDIER, SOLDIER + +"Soldier, soldier come from the wars, +Why don't you march with my true love?" +"We're fresh from off the ship an' 'e's maybe give the slip, +An' you'd best go look for a new love." + New love! True love! + Best go look for a new love, + The dead they cannot rise, an' you'd better dry your eyes, + An' you'd best go look for a new love. + +"Soldier, soldier come from the wars, +What did you see o' my true love?" +"I seed 'im serve the Queen in a suit o' rifle-green, +An' you'd best go look for a new love." + +"Soldier, soldier come from the wars, +Did ye see no more o' my true love?" +"I seed 'im runnin' by when the shots begun to fly-- +But you'd best go look for a new love." + +"Soldier, soldier come from the wars, +Did aught take 'arm to my true love?" +"I couldn't see the fight, for the smoke it lay so white-- +An' you'd best go look for a new love." + +"Soldier, soldier come from the wars, +I'll up an' tend to my true love!" +"'E's lying on the dead with a bullet through 'is 'ead, +An' you'd best go look for a new love." + +"Soldier, soldier come from the wars, +I'll down an' die with my true love!" +"The pit we dug'll 'ide 'im an' the twenty men beside 'im-- +An' you'd best go look for a new love." + +"Soldier, soldier come from the wars, +Do you bring no sign from my true love?" +"I bring a lock of 'air that 'e allus used to wear, +An' you'd best go look for a new love." + +"Soldier, soldier come from the wars, +O then I know it's true I've lost my true love!" +"An' I tell you truth again--when you've lost the feel o' pain +You'd best take me for your true love." + True love! New love! + Best take 'im for a new love, + The dead they cannot rise, an' you'd better dry your eyes, + An' you'd best take 'im for your true love. + + +SCREW-GUNS + +Smokin' my pipe on the mountings, + sniffin' the mornin' cool, +I walks in my old brown gaiters + along o' my old brown mule, +With seventy gunners be'ind me, + an' never a beggar forgets +It's only the pick of the Army + that handles the dear little pets--'Tss! 'Tss! + For you all love the screw-guns--the screw-guns they all love you! + So when we call round with a few guns, + o' course you will know what to do--hoo! hoo! + Jest send in your Chief an' surrender-- + it's worse if you fights or you runs: + You can go where you please, you can skid up the trees, + but you don't get away from the guns! + +They sends us along where the roads are, + but mostly we goes where they ain't: +We'd climb up the side of a sign-board + an' trust to the stick o' the paint: +We've chivied the Naga an' Looshai, + we've give the Afreedeeman fits, +For we fancies ourselves at two thousand, + we guns that are built in two bits--'Tss! 'Tss! + For you all love the screw-guns . . . + +If a man doesn't work, why, we drills 'im + an' teaches 'im 'ow to behave; +If a beggar can't march, why, we kills 'im + an' rattles 'im into 'is grave. +You've got to stand up to our business + an' spring without snatchin' or fuss. +D'you say that you sweat with the field-guns? + By God, you must lather with us--'Tss! 'Tss! + For you all love the screw-guns . . . + +The eagles is screamin' around us, + the river's a-moanin' below, +We're clear o' the pine an' the oak-scrub, + we're out on the rocks an' the snow, +An' the wind is as thin as a whip-lash + what carries away to the plains +The rattle an' stamp o' the lead-mules-- + the jinglety-jink o' the chains--'Tss! 'Tss! + For you all love the screw-guns . . . + +There's a wheel on the Horns o' the Mornin', + an' a wheel on the edge o' the Pit, +An' a drop into nothin' beneath you as straight as a beggar can spit: +With the sweat runnin' out o' your shirt-sleeves, + an' the sun off the snow in your face, +An' 'arf o' the men on the drag-ropes + to hold the old gun in 'er place--'Tss! 'Tss! + For you all love the screw-guns . . . + +Smokin' my pipe on the mountings, + sniffin' the mornin' cool, +I climbs in my old brown gaiters + along o' my old brown mule. +The monkey can say what our road was-- + the wild-goat 'e knows where we passed. + +Stand easy, you long-eared old darlin's! + Out drag-ropes! With shrapnel! Hold fast--'Tss! 'Tss! + + For you all love the screw-guns--the screw-guns they all love +you! + So when we take tea with a few guns, + o' course you will know what to do--hoo! hoo! + Jest send in your Chief an' surrender-- + it's worse if you fights or you runs: + You may hide in the caves, they'll be only your graves, + but you can't get away from the guns! + + +GUNGA DIN + +You may talk o' gin and beer +When you're quartered safe out 'ere, +An' you're sent to penny-fights an' Aldershot it; +But when it comes to slaughter +You will do your work on water, +An' you'll lick the bloomin' boots of 'im that's got it. + +Now in Injia's sunny clime, +Where I used to spend my time +A-servin' of 'Er Majesty the Queen, +Of all them blackfaced crew +The finest man I knew +Was our regimental bhisti, Gunga Din. + + He was "Din! Din! Din! + You limpin' lump o' brick-dust, Gunga Din! + Hi! slippy hitherao! + Water, get it! Panee lao!1 + You squidgy-nosed old idol, Gunga Din." + +The uniform 'e wore +Was nothin' much before, +An' rather less than 'arf o' that be'ind, +For a piece o' twisty rag +An' a goatskin water-bag +Was all the field-equipment 'e could find. + +When the sweatin' troop-train lay +In a sidin' through the day, +Where the 'eat would make your bloomin' eyebrows crawl, +We shouted "Harry By!" 2 +Till our throats were bricky-dry, +Then we wopped 'im 'cause 'e couldn't serve us all. + + It was "Din! Din! Din! + You 'eathen, where the mischief 'ave you been? + You put some juldee 3 in it + Or I'll marrow 4 you this minute + If you don't fill up my helmet, Gunga Din!" + +'E would dot an' carry one +Till the longest day was done; +An' 'e didn't seem to know the use o' fear. + +If we charged or broke or cut, +You could bet your bloomin' nut, +'E'd be waitin' fifty paces right flank rear. +With 'is mussick 5 on 'is back, +'E would skip with our attack, +An' watch us till the bugles made "Retire", +An' for all 'is dirty 'ide +'E was white, clear white, inside +When 'e went to tend the wounded under fire! + It was "Din! Din! Din!" + With the bullets kickin' dust-spots on the green. + + When the cartridges ran out, + You could hear the front-files shout, + "Hi! ammunition-mules an' Gunga Din!" + +I shan't forgit the night +When I dropped be'ind the fight +With a bullet where my belt-plate should 'a' been. +I was chokin' mad with thirst, +An' the man that spied me first +Was our good old grinnin', gruntin' Gunga Din. +'E lifted up my 'ead, +An' he plugged me where I bled, +An' 'e guv me 'arf-a-pint o' water-green: +It was crawlin' and it stunk, +But of all the drinks I've drunk, +I'm gratefullest to one from Gunga Din. + + It was "Din! Din! Din! + 'Ere's a beggar with a bullet through 'is spleen; + 'E's chawin' up the ground, + An' 'e's kickin' all around: + For Gawd's sake git the water, Gunga Din!" + +'E carried me away +To where a dooli lay, +An' a bullet come an' drilled the beggar clean. +'E put me safe inside, +An' just before 'e died, +"I 'ope you liked your drink", sez Gunga Din. +So I'll meet 'im later on +At the place where 'e is gone-- +Where it's always double drill and no canteen; +'E'll be squattin' on the coals +Givin' drink to poor damned souls, +An' I'll get a swig in hell from Gunga Din! + Yes, Din! Din! Din! + You Lazarushian-leather Gunga Din! + Though I've belted you and flayed you, + By the livin' Gawd that made you, + You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din! + +1 Bring water swiftly. +2 Mr Atkins' equivalent for "O Brother." +3 Hit you. +4 Be quick. +5 Water skin. + + +OONTS +(Northern India Transport Train) + +Wot makes the soldier's 'eart to @penk, wot makes 'im to perspire? +It isn't standin' up to charge nor lyin' down to fire; +But it's everlastin' waitin' on a everlastin' road +For the commissariat camel an' 'is commissariat load. + O the oont, 1 O the oont, O the commissariat oont! + With 'is silly neck a-bobbin' like a basket full o' snakes; + We packs 'im like an idol, an' you ought to 'ear 'im grunt, + An' when we gets 'im loaded up 'is blessed girth-rope breaks. + +Wot makes the rear-guard swear so 'ard when night is drorin' in, +An' every native follower is shiverin' for 'is skin? +It ain't the chanst o' being rushed by Paythans from the 'ills, +It's the commissariat camel puttin' on 'is bloomin' frills! + O the oont, O the oont, O the hairy scary oont! + A-trippin' over tent-ropes when we've got the night alarm! + We socks 'im with a stretcher-pole an' 'eads 'im off in front, + An' when we've saved 'is bloomin' life 'e chaws our bloomin' arm. + +The 'orse 'e knows above a bit, the bullock's but a fool, +The elephant's a gentleman, the battery-mule's a mule; +But the commissariat cam-u-el, when all is said an' done, +'E's a devil an' a ostrich an' a orphan-child in one. + O the oont, O the oont, O the Gawd-forsaken oont! + The lumpy-'umpy 'ummin'-bird a-singin' where 'e lies, + 'E's blocked the whole division from the rear-guard to the front, + An' when we get him up again--the beggar goes an' dies! + +'E'll gall an' chafe an' lame an' fight--'e smells most awful vile; +'E'll lose 'isself for ever if you let 'im stray a mile; +'E's game to graze the 'ole day long an' 'owl the 'ole night through, +An' when 'e comes to greasy ground 'e splits 'isself in two. + O the oont, O the oont, O the floppin', droppin' oont! + When 'is long legs give from under an' 'is meltin' eye is dim, + The tribes is up be'ind us, and the tribes is out in front-- + It ain't no jam for Tommy, but it's kites an' crows for 'im. + +So when the cruel march is done, an' when the roads is blind, +An' when we sees the camp in front an' 'ears the shots be'ind, +Ho! then we strips 'is saddle off, and all 'is woes is past: +'E thinks on us that used 'im so, and gets revenge at last. + O the oont, O the oont, O the floatin', bloatin' oont! + The late lamented camel in the water-cut 'e lies; + We keeps a mile be'ind 'im an' we keeps a mile in front, + But 'e gets into the drinkin'-casks, and then o' course we dies. + +1Camel--oo is pronounced like u in "bull," but by Mr. Atkins to +rhyme with "front." + + +LOOT + +If you've ever stole a pheasant-egg be'ind the keeper's back, + If you've ever snigged the washin' from the line, +If you've ever crammed a gander in your bloomin' 'aversack, + You will understand this little song o' mine. + +But the service rules are 'ard, an' from such we are debarred, + For the same with English morals does not suit. + + (Cornet: Toot! toot!) +W'y, they call a man a robber if 'e stuffs 'is marchin' clobber + With the-- +(Chorus) Loo! loo! Lulu! lulu! Loo! loo! Loot! loot! loot! + Ow the loot! + Bloomin' loot! + That's the thing to make the boys git up an' shoot! + It's the same with dogs an' men, + If you'd make 'em come again + Clap 'em forward with a Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! + (ff) Whoopee! Tear 'im, puppy! Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot! + +If you've knocked a nigger edgeways when 'e's thrustin' for your life, + You must leave 'im very careful where 'e fell; +An' may thank your stars an' gaiters if you didn't feel 'is knife + That you ain't told off to bury 'im as well. + +Then the sweatin' Tommies wonder as they spade the beggars under + Why lootin' should be entered as a crime; +So if my song you'll 'ear, I will learn you plain an' clear + 'Ow to pay yourself for fightin' overtime. + +(Chorus) With the loot, . . . + +Now remember when you're 'acking round a gilded Burma god + That 'is eyes is very often precious stones; +An' if you treat a nigger to a dose o' cleanin'-rod + 'E's like to show you everything 'e owns. + +When 'e won't prodooce no more, pour some water on the floor + Where you 'ear it answer 'ollow to the boot + (Cornet: Toot! toot!)-- +When the ground begins to sink, shove your baynick down the chink, + An' you're sure to touch the-- +(Chorus) Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot! + Ow the loot! . . . + +When from 'ouse to 'ouse you're 'unting, you must always work in pairs-- + It 'alves the gain, but safer you will find-- +For a single man gets bottled on them twisty-wisty stairs, + An' a woman comes and clobs 'im from be'ind. + +When you've turned 'em inside out, an' it seems beyond a doubt + As if there weren't enough to dust a flute + (Cornet: Toot! toot!)-- +Before you sling your 'ook, at the 'ousetops take a look, + For it's underneath the tiles they 'ide the loot. + +(Chorus) Ow the loot! . . . + +You can mostly square a Sergint an' a Quartermaster too, + If you only take the proper way to go; +I could never keep my pickin's, but I've learned you all I knew-- + An' don't you never say I told you so. + +An' now I'll bid good-bye, for I'm gettin' rather dry, + An' I see another tunin' up to toot + (Cornet: Toot! toot!)-- +So 'ere's good-luck to those that wears the Widow's clo'es, + An' the Devil send 'em all they want o' loot! +(Chorus) Yes, the loot, + Bloomin' loot! + In the tunic an' the mess-tin an' the boot! + It's the same with dogs an' men, + If you'd make 'em come again + (fff) Whoop 'em forward with a Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot! + Heeya! Sick 'im, puppy! Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot! + + +'SNARLEYOW' + +This 'appened in a battle to a batt'ry of the corps +Which is first among the women an' amazin' first in war; +An' what the bloomin' battle was I don't remember now, +But Two's off-lead 'e answered to the name o' Snarleyow. + + Down in the Infantry, nobody cares; + Down in the Cavalry, Colonel 'e swears; + But down in the lead with the wheel at the flog + Turns the bold Bombardier to a little whipped dog! + +They was movin' into action, they was needed very sore, +To learn a little schoolin' to a native army corps, +They 'ad nipped against an uphill, they was tuckin' down the brow, +When a tricky, trundlin' roundshot give the knock to Snarleyow. + +They cut 'im loose an' left 'im--'e was almost tore in two-- +But he tried to follow after as a well-trained 'orse should do; +'E went an' fouled the limber, an' the Driver's Brother squeals: +"Pull up, pull up for Snarleyow--'is head's between 'is 'eels!" + +The Driver 'umped 'is shoulder, for the wheels was goin' round, +An' there ain't no "Stop, conductor!" when a batt'ry's changin' ground; +Sez 'e: "I broke the beggar in, an' very sad I feels, +But I couldn't pull up, not for you--your 'ead between your 'eels!" + +'E 'adn't 'ardly spoke the word, before a droppin' shell +A little right the batt'ry an' between the sections fell; +An' when the smoke 'ad cleared away, before the limber wheels, +There lay the Driver's Brother with 'is 'ead between 'is 'eels. + +Then sez the Driver's Brother, an' 'is words was very plain, +"For Gawd's own sake get over me, an' put me out o' pain." +They saw 'is wounds was mortial, an' they judged that it was best, +So they took an' drove the limber straight across 'is back an' chest. + +The Driver 'e give nothin' 'cept a little coughin' grunt, +But 'e swung 'is 'orses 'andsome when it came to "Action Front!" +An' if one wheel was juicy, you may lay your Monday head +'Twas juicier for the niggers when the case begun to spread. + +The moril of this story, it is plainly to be seen: +You 'avn't got no families when servin' of the Queen-- +You 'avn't got no brothers, fathers, sisters, wives, or sons-- +If you want to win your battles take an' work your bloomin' guns! + + Down in the Infantry, nobody cares; + Down in the Cavalry, Colonel 'e swears; + But down in the lead with the wheel at the flog + Turns the bold Bombardier to a little whipped dog! + + +THE WIDOW AT WINDSOR + +'Ave you 'eard o' the Widow at Windsor + With a hairy gold crown on 'er 'ead? +She 'as ships on the foam--she 'as millions at 'ome, + An' she pays us poor beggars in red. + (Ow, poor beggars in red!) + +There's 'er nick on the cavalry 'orses, + There's 'er mark on the medical stores-- +An' 'er troopers you'll find with a fair wind be'ind + That takes us to various wars. + (Poor beggars!--barbarious wars!) + Then 'ere's to the Widow at Windsor, + An' 'ere's to the stores an' the guns, + The men an' the 'orses what makes up the forces + O' Missis Victorier's sons. + (Poor beggars! Victorier's sons!) + +Walk wide o' the Widow at Windsor, + For 'alf o' Creation she owns: +We 'ave bought 'er the same with the sword an' the flame, + An' we've salted it down with our bones. + (Poor beggars!--it's blue with our bones!) +Hands off o' the sons o' the Widow, + Hands off o' the goods in 'er shop, +For the Kings must come down an' the Emperors frown + When the Widow at Windsor says "Stop"! + (Poor beggars!--we're sent to say "Stop"!) + Then 'ere's to the Lodge o' the Widow, + From the Pole to the Tropics it runs-- + To the Lodge that we tile with the rank an' the file, + An' open in form with the guns. + (Poor beggars!--it's always they guns!) + +We 'ave 'eard o' the Widow at Windsor, + It's safest to let 'er alone: +For 'er sentries we stand by the sea an' the land + Wherever the bugles are blown. + (Poor beggars!--an' don't we get blown!) +Take 'old o' the Wings o' the Mornin', + An' flop round the earth till you're dead; +But you won't get away from the tune that they play + To the bloomin' old rag over'ead. + (Poor beggars!--it's 'ot over'ead!) + Then 'ere's to the sons o' the Widow, + Wherever, 'owever they roam. + 'Ere's all they desire, an' if they require + A speedy return to their 'ome. + (Poor beggars!--they'll never see 'ome!) + + +BELTS + +There was a row in Silver Street that's near to Dublin Quay, +Between an Irish regiment an' English cavalree; +It started at Revelly an' it lasted on till dark: +The first man dropped at Harrison's, the last forninst the Park. + + For it was:--"Belts, belts, belts, an' that's one for you!" + An' it was "Belts, belts, belts, an' that's done for you!" + O buckle an' tongue + Was the song that we sung + From Harrison's down to the Park! + +There was a row in Silver Street--the regiments was out, +They called us "Delhi Rebels", an' we answered "Threes about!" +That drew them like a hornet's nest--we met them good an' large, +The English at the double an' the Irish at the charge. + + Then it was:--"Belts . . ." + +There was a row in Silver Street--an' I was in it too; +We passed the time o' day, an' then the belts went whirraru! +I misremember what occurred, but subsequint the storm +A Freeman's Journal Supplemint was all my uniform. + + O it was:--"Belts . . ." + + +There was a row in Silver Street--they sent the Polis there, +The English were too drunk to know, the Irish didn't care; +But when they grew impertinint we simultaneous rose, +Till half o' them was Liffey mud an' half was tatthered clo'es. + + For it was:--"Belts . . ." + +There was a row in Silver Street--it might ha' raged till now, +But some one drew his side-arm clear, an' nobody knew how; +'Twas Hogan took the point an' dropped; we saw the red blood run: +An' so we all was murderers that started out in fun. + + While it was:--"Belts . . ." + +There was a row in Silver Street--but that put down the shine, +Wid each man whisperin' to his next: "'Twas never work o' mine!" +We went away like beaten dogs, an' down the street we bore him, +The poor dumb corpse that couldn't tell the bhoys were sorry for him. + + When it was:--"Belts . . ." + +There was a row in Silver Street--it isn't over yet, +For half of us are under guard wid punishments to get; +'Tis all a merricle to me as in the Clink I lie: +There was a row in Silver Street--begod, I wonder why! + + But it was:--"Belts, belts, belts, an' that's one for you!" + An' it was "Belts, belts, belts, an' that's done for you!" + O buckle an' tongue + Was the song that we sung + From Harrison's down to the Park! + + +THE YOUNG BRITISH SOLDIER + +When the 'arf-made recruity goes out to the East +'E acts like a babe an' 'e drinks like a beast, +An' 'e wonders because 'e is frequent deceased + Ere 'e's fit for to serve as a soldier. + + Serve, serve, serve as a soldier, + Serve, serve, serve as a soldier, + Serve, serve, serve as a soldier, + So-oldier of the Queen! + +Now all you recruities what's drafted today, +You shut up your rag-box an' 'ark to my lay, +An' I'll sing you a soldier as far as I may: + A soldier what's fit for a soldier. + + Fit, fit, fit for a soldier . . . + +First mind you steer clear o' the grog-sellers' huts, +For they sell you Fixed Bay'nets that rots out your guts-- +Ay, drink that 'ud eat the live steel from your butts-- + An' it's bad for the young British soldier. + + Bad, bad, bad for the soldier . . . + +When the cholera comes--as it will past a doubt-- +Keep out of the wet and don't go on the shout, +For the sickness gets in as the liquor dies out, + An' it crumples the young British soldier. + + Crum-, crum-, crumples the soldier . . . + +But the worst o' your foes is the sun over'ead: +You must wear your 'elmet for all that is said: +If 'e finds you uncovered 'e'll knock you down dead, + An' you'll die like a fool of a soldier. + + Fool, fool, fool of a soldier . . . + +If you're cast for fatigue by a sergeant unkind, +Don't grouse like a woman nor crack on nor blind; +Be handy and civil, and then you will find + That it's beer for the young British soldier. + + Beer, beer, beer for the soldier . . . + +Now, if you must marry, take care she is old-- +A troop-sergeant's widow's the nicest I'm told, +For beauty won't help if your rations is cold, + Nor love ain't enough for a soldier. + + 'Nough, 'nough, 'nough for a soldier . . . + +If the wife should go wrong with a comrade, be loath +To shoot when you catch 'em--you'll swing, on my oath!-- +Make 'im take 'er and keep 'er: that's Hell for them both, + An' you're shut o' the curse of a soldier. + + Curse, curse, curse of a soldier . . . + +When first under fire an' you're wishful to duck, +Don't look nor take 'eed at the man that is struck, +Be thankful you're livin', and trust to your luck + And march to your front like a soldier. + + Front, front, front like a soldier . . . + +When 'arf of your bullets fly wide in the ditch, +Don't call your Martini a cross-eyed old bitch; +She's human as you are--you treat her as sich, + An' she'll fight for the young British soldier. + + Fight, fight, fight for the soldier . . . + +When shakin' their bustles like ladies so fine, +The guns o' the enemy wheel into line, +Shoot low at the limbers an' don't mind the shine, + For noise never startles the soldier. + + Start-, start-, startles the soldier . . . + +If your officer's dead and the sergeants look white, +Remember it's ruin to run from a fight: +So take open order, lie down, and sit tight, + And wait for supports like a soldier. + + Wait, wait, wait like a soldier . . . + +When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains, +And the women come out to cut up what remains, +Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains + An' go to your Gawd like a soldier. + + Go, go, go like a soldier, + Go, go, go like a soldier, + Go, go, go like a soldier, + So-oldier of the Queen! + + +MANDALAY + +By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin' lazy at the sea, +There's a Burma girl a-settin', and I know she thinks o' me; +For the wind is in the palm-trees, and the temple-bells they say: +"Come you back, you British soldier; come you back to Mandalay!" + Come you back to Mandalay, + Where the old Flotilla lay: + Can't you 'ear their paddles chunkin' from Rangoon to Mandalay? + On the road to Mandalay, + Where the flyin'-fishes play, + An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay! + +'Er petticoat was yaller an' 'er little cap was green, +An' 'er name was Supi-yaw-lat--jes' the same as Theebaw's Queen, +An' I seed her first a-smokin' of a whackin' white cheroot, +An' a-wastin' Christian kisses on an 'eathen idol's foot: + Bloomin' idol made o'mud-- + Wot they called the Great Gawd Budd-- + Plucky lot she cared for idols when I kissed 'er where she stud! + On the road to Mandalay . . . + +When the mist was on the rice-fields an' the sun was droppin' slow, +She'd git 'er little banjo an' she'd sing "Kulla-lo-lo!" +With 'er arm upon my shoulder an' 'er cheek agin' my cheek +We useter watch the steamers an' the hathis pilin' teak. + Elephints a-pilin' teak + In the sludgy, squdgy creek, + Where the silence 'ung that 'eavy you was 'arf afraid to speak! + On the road to Mandalay . . . + +But that's all shove be'ind me--long ago an' fur away, +An' there ain't no 'busses runnin' from the Bank to Mandalay; +An' I'm learnin' 'ere in London what the ten-year soldier tells: +"If you've 'eard the East a-callin', you won't never 'eed naught else." + No! you won't 'eed nothin' else + But them spicy garlic smells, + An' the sunshine an' the palm-trees an' the tinkly temple-bells; + On the road to Mandalay . . . + +I am sick o' wastin' leather on these gritty pavin'-stones, +An' the blasted Henglish drizzle wakes the fever in my bones; +Tho' I walks with fifty 'ousemaids outer Chelsea to the Strand, +An' they talks a lot o' lovin', but wot do they understand? + Beefy face an' grubby 'and-- + Law! wot do they understand? + I've a neater, sweeter maiden in a cleaner, greener land! + On the road to Mandalay . . . + +Ship me somewheres east of Suez, where the best is like the worst, +Where there aren't no Ten Commandments an' a man can raise a thirst; +For the temple-bells are callin', an' it's there that I would be-- +By the old Moulmein Pagoda, looking lazy at the sea; + On the road to Mandalay, + Where the old Flotilla lay, + With our sick beneath the awnings when we went to Mandalay! + On the road to Mandalay, + Where the flyin'-fishes play, + An' the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay! + + +TROOPIN' +(Our Army in the East) + +Troopin', troopin', troopin' to the sea: +'Ere's September come again--the six-year men are free. +O leave the dead be'ind us, for they cannot come away +To where the ship's a-coalin' up that takes us 'ome today. + + We're goin' 'ome, we're goin' 'ome, + Our ship is at the shore, + An' you must pack your 'aversack, + For we won't come back no more. + + Ho, don't you grieve for me, + My lovely Mary-Ann, + For I'll marry you yit on a fourp'ny bit + As a time-expired man. + +The Malabar's in 'arbour with the Jumner at 'er tail, +An' the time-expired's waitin' of 'is orders for to sail. +Ho! the weary waitin' when on Khyber 'ills we lay, +But the time-expired's waitin' of 'is orders 'ome today. + +They'll turn us out at Portsmouth wharf in cold an' wet an' rain, +All wearin' Injian cotton kit, but we will not complain; +They'll kill us of pneumonia--for that's their little way-- +But damn the chills and fever, men, we're goin' 'ome today! + +Troopin', troopin', winter's round again! +See the new draf's pourin' in for the old campaign; +Ho, you poor recruities, but you've got to earn your pay-- +What's the last from Lunnon, lads? We're goin' there today. + +Troopin', troopin', give another cheer-- +'Ere's to English women an' a quart of English beer. +The Colonel an' the regiment an' all who've got to stay, +Gawd's mercy strike 'em gentle--Whoop! we're goin' 'ome today. + + We're goin' 'ome, we're goin' 'ome, + Our ship is at the shore, + An' you must pack your 'aversack, + For we won't come back no more. + + Ho, don't you grieve for me, + My lovely Mary-Ann, + For I'll marry you yit on a fourp'ny bit + As a time-expired man. + + +FORD O' KABUL RIVER + +Kabul town's by Kabul river-- + Blow the bugle, draw the sword-- +There I lef' my mate for ever, + Wet an' drippin' by the ford. + Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river, + Ford o' Kabul river in the dark! + There's the river up and brimmin', an' there's 'arf a squadron swimmin' + 'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark. + +Kabul town's a blasted place-- + Blow the bugle, draw the sword-- +'Strewth I sha'n't forget 'is face + Wet an' drippin' by the ford! + Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river, + Ford o' Kabul river in the dark! + Keep the crossing-stakes beside you, an' they will surely guide you + 'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark. + +Kabul town is sun and dust-- + Blow the bugle, draw the sword-- +I'd ha' sooner drownded fust + 'Stead of 'im beside the ford. + Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river, + Ford o' Kabul river in the dark! + You can 'ear the 'orses threshin', you can 'ear the men a-splashin', + 'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark. + +Kabul town was ours to take-- + Blow the bugle, draw the sword-- +I'd ha' left it for 'is sake-- + 'Im that left me by the ford. + Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river, + Ford o' Kabul river in the dark! + It's none so bloomin' dry there; ain't you never comin' nigh there, + 'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark? + +Kabul town'll go to hell-- + Blow the bugle, draw the sword-- +'Fore I see him 'live an' well-- + 'Im the best beside the ford. + Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river, + Ford o' Kabul river in the dark! + Gawd 'elp 'em if they blunder, for their boots'll pull 'em under, + By the ford o' Kabul river in the dark. + +Turn your 'orse from Kabul town-- + Blow the bugle, draw the sword-- +'Im an' 'arf my troop is down, + Down an' drownded by the ford. + Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river, + Ford o' Kabul river in the dark! + There's the river low an' fallin', but it ain't no use o' callin' + 'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark. + + +ROUTE MARCHIN' + +We're marchin' on relief over Injia's sunny plains, +A little front o' Christmas-time an' just be'ind the Rains; +Ho! get away you bullock-man, you've 'eard the bugle blowed, +There's a regiment a-comin' down the Grand Trunk Road; + With its best foot first + And the road a-sliding past, + An' every bloomin' campin'-ground exactly like the last; + While the Big Drum says, + With 'is "rowdy-dowdy-dow!"-- + "Kiko kissywarsti don't you hamsher argy jow?" 2 + +Oh, there's them Injian temples to admire when you see, +There's the peacock round the corner an' the monkey up the tree, +An' there's that rummy silver grass a-wavin' in the wind, +An' the old Grand Trunk a-trailin' like a rifle-sling be'ind. + + While it's best foot first, . . . + +At half-past five's Revelly, an' our tents they down must come, +Like a lot of button mushrooms when you pick 'em up at 'ome. +But it's over in a minute, an' at six the column starts, +While the women and the kiddies sit an' shiver in the carts. + + An' it's best foot first, . . . + +Oh, then it's open order, an' we lights our pipes an' sings, +An' we talks about our rations an' a lot of other things, +An' we thinks o' friends in England, an' we wonders what they're at, +An' 'ow they would admire for to hear us sling the bat.1 + + An' it's best foot first, . . . + +It's none so bad o' Sunday, when you're lyin' at your ease, +To watch the kites a-wheelin' round them feather-'eaded trees, +For although there ain't no women, yet there ain't no barrick-yards, +So the orficers goes shootin' an' the men they plays at cards. + + Till it's best foot first, . . . + +So 'ark an' 'eed, you rookies, which is always grumblin' sore, +There's worser things than marchin' from Umballa to Cawnpore; +An' if your 'eels are blistered an' they feels to 'urt like 'ell, +You drop some tallow in your socks an' that will make 'em well. + + For it's best foot first, . . . + +We're marchin' on relief over Injia's coral strand, +Eight 'undred fightin' Englishmen, the Colonel, and the Band; +Ho! get away you bullock-man, you've 'eard the bugle blowed, +There's a regiment a-comin' down the Grand Trunk Road; + With its best foot first + And the road a-sliding past, + An' every bloomin' campin'-ground exactly like the last; + While the Big Drum says, + With 'is "rowdy-dowdy-dow!"-- + "Kiko kissywarsti don't you hamsher argy jow?"2 + +1 Thomas's first and firmest conviction is that he is a profound +Orientalist and a fluent speaker of Hindustani. As a matter of fact, +he depends largely on the sign-language. +2 Why don't you get on + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, DEPARTMENTAL DITTIES & BARRACK ROOM BALLADS *** + +This file should be named dptdt10.txt or dptdt10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, dptdt11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, dptdt10a.txt + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our eBooks one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, +even years after the official publication date. + +Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg eBooks is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our Web sites at: +http://gutenberg.net or +http://promo.net/pg + +These Web sites include award-winning information about Project +Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new +eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). + + +Those of you who want to download any eBook before announcement +can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext05 or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext05 + +Or /etext04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, +91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any eBook selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour in 2002 as we release over 100 new text +files per month: 1240 more eBooks in 2001 for a total of 4000+ +We are already on our way to trying for 2000 more eBooks in 2002 +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +will reach over half a trillion eBooks given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away 1 Trillion eBooks! +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +Here is the briefest record of our progress (* means estimated): + +eBooks Year Month + + 1 1971 July + 10 1991 January + 100 1994 January + 1000 1997 August + 1500 1998 October + 2000 1999 December + 2500 2000 December + 3000 2001 November + 4000 2001 October/November + 6000 2002 December* + 9000 2003 November* +10000 2004 January* + + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created +to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +As of February, 2002, contributions are being solicited from people +and organizations in: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, +Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, +Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, +Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New +Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, +Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South +Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West +Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. + +We have filed in all 50 states now, but these are the only ones +that have responded. + +As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list +will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. +Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. + +In answer to various questions we have received on this: + +We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally +request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and +you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, +just ask. + +While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are +not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting +donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to +donate. + +International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about +how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made +deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are +ways. + +Donations by check or money order may be sent to: + + PROJECT GUTENBERG LITERARY ARCHIVE FOUNDATION + 809 North 1500 West + Salt Lake City, UT 84116 + +Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment +method other than by check or money order. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by +the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN +[Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are +tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fund-raising +requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be +made and fund-raising will begin in the additional states. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information online at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, +you can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> + +Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. + +We would prefer to send you information by email. + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this eBook, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you may distribute copies of this eBook if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS EBOOK +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +eBook, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this eBook by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this eBook on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM EBOOKS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBooks, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this eBook +under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these eBooks, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's eBooks and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other eBook medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may +receive this eBook from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook) disclaims +all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this eBook within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS EBOOK IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE EBOOK OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, +and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated +with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including +legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the +following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this eBook, +[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the eBook, +or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this eBook electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + eBook or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this eBook in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The eBook, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The eBook may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the eBook (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + eBook in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the eBook refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of +public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed +in machine readable form. + +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. +Money should be paid to the: +"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +[Portions of this eBook's header and trailer may be reprinted only +when distributed free of all fees. Copyright (C) 2001, 2002 by +Michael S. Hart. Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be +used in any sales of Project Gutenberg eBooks or other materials be +they hardware or software or any other related product without +express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS*Ver.02/11/02*END* + diff --git a/old/dptdt10.zip b/old/dptdt10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..28715a5 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/dptdt10.zip |