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+ border:thin solid silver; margin:2em 10% 0 10%; font-family: Georgia, serif; + clear: both; } + .covernote { visibility: hidden; display: none; } + div.tnotes p { text-align: justify; } + .x-ebookmaker .covernote { visibility: visible; display: block; } + h1 {line-height: 150%; } + .chapter { clear: both; page-break-before: always; } + body {font-family: Garamond, Georgia, serif; text-align: justify; } + table {font-size: .9em; padding: 1.5em .5em 1em; page-break-inside: avoid; + clear: both; } + div.titlepage {text-align: center; page-break-before: always; + page-break-after: always; } + div.titlepage p {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; + line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 3em; } + .ph2 { text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; font-size: x-large; margin: .75em auto; + page-break-before: always; } + .double {border-style: double;border-width: 4px; padding: 1em; clear: both; } + .x-ebookmaker p.dropcap:first-letter { float: left; } + </style> + </head> + <body> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78173 ***</div> + +<div class='tnotes covernote'> + +<p class='c000'><strong>Transcriber’s Note:</strong></p> + +<p class='c000'>New original cover art included with this eBook is granted to the public domain.</p> + +</div> + +<div class='double titlepage'> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c001'> + <div>“<i>Familiar in their Mouths as HOUSEHOLD WORDS.</i>”—<span class='sc'>Shakespeare.</span></div> + </div> +</div> + +<div> + <span class='pageno' id='Page_169'>169</span> + <h1 class='c002'>HOUSEHOLD WORDS.<br> <span class='xlarge'>A WEEKLY JOURNAL.</span></h1> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c001'> + <div><span class='large'>CONDUCTED BY CHARLES DICKENS.</span></div> + <div class='c001'>N<sup>o.</sup> 8.]      SATURDAY, MAY 18, 1850.      [<span class='sc'>Price</span> 2<i>d.</i></div> + </div> +</div> + +</div> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c003'>THE BEGGING-LETTER WRITER.</h2> +</div> + +<p class='c004'>He is a ‘Household Word.’ We all know +something of him. The amount of money he +annually diverts from wholesome and useful +purposes in the United Kingdom, would be a +set-off against the Window Tax. He is one +of the most shameless frauds and impositions +of this time. In his idleness, his mendacity, +and the immeasurable harm he does to the +deserving,—dirtying the stream of true benevolence, +and muddling the brains of foolish +justices, with inability to distinguish between +the base coin of distress, and the true currency +we have always among us,—he is more worthy +of Norfolk Island than three-fourths of the +worst characters who are sent there. Under +any rational system, he would have been sent +there long ago.</p> + +<p class='c005'>I, the writer of this paper, have been, for +some time, a chosen receiver of Begging-Letters. +For fourteen years, my house has +been made as regular a Receiving House for +such communications as any one of the great +branch Post-Offices is for general correspondence. +I ought to know something of the +Begging-Letter Writer. He has besieged my +door, at all hours of the day and night; he +has fought my servant; he has lain in ambush +for me, going out and coming in; he has +followed me out of town into the country; he +has appeared at provincial hotels, where I +have been staying for only a few hours; he +has written to me from immense distances, +when I have been out of England. He has +fallen sick; he has died, and been buried; he +has come to life again, and again departed +from this transitory scene; he has been his +own son, his own mother, his own baby, his +idiot brother, his uncle, his aunt, his aged +grandfather. He has wanted a great coat, to +go to India in; a pound, to set him up in life +for ever; a pair of boots, to take him to the +coast of China; a hat, to get him into a permanent +situation under Government. He has +frequently been exactly seven-and-sixpence +short of independence. He has had such +openings at Liverpool—posts of great trust +and confidence in merchants’ houses, which +nothing but seven-and-sixpence was wanting to +him to secure—that I wonder he is not Mayor +of that flourishing town at the present moment.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The natural phenomena of which he has +been the victim, are of a most astounding +nature. He has had two children, who have +never grown up; who have never had anything +to cover them at night; who have been continually +driving him mad, by asking in vain for +food; who have never come out of fevers and +measles (which, I suppose, has accounted for +his fuming his letters with tobacco smoke, as +a disinfectant); who have never changed in +the least degree, through fourteen long revolving +years. As to his wife, what that suffering +woman has undergone, nobody knows. +She has always been in an interesting situation +through the same long period, and has never +been confined yet. His devotion to her has +been unceasing. He has never cared for +himself; <i>he</i> could have perished—he would +rather, in short—but was it not his Christian +duty as a man, a husband, and a father, to +write begging-letters when he looked at her? +(He has usually remarked that he would call +in the evening for an answer to this question.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>He has been the sport of the strangest misfortunes. +What his brother has done to him +would have broken anybody else’s heart. His +brother went into business with him, and ran +away with the money; his brother got him to +be security for an immense sum, and left him +to pay it; his brother would have given him +employment to the tune of hundreds a year, if +he would have consented to write letters on a +Sunday; his brother enunciated principles +incompatible with his religious views, and he +could not (in consequence) permit his brother +to provide for him. His landlord has never +shown a spark of human feeling. When he +put in that execution I don’t know, but he +has never taken it out. The broker’s man has +grown grey in possession. They will have to +bury him some day.</p> + +<p class='c005'>He has been attached to every conceivable +pursuit. He has been in the army, in the +navy, in the church, in the law; connected +with the press, the fine arts, public institutions, +every description and grade of business. +He has been brought up as a gentleman; he +has been at every college in Oxford and +Cambridge; he can quote Latin in his letters +(but generally mis-spells some minor English +word); he can tell you what Shakespeare says +about begging, better than you know it. It is +to be observed, that in the midst of his afflictions +he always reads the newspapers; and +<span class='pageno' id='Page_170'>170</span>rounds off his appeals with some allusion, that +may be supposed to be in my way, to the +popular subject of the hour.</p> + +<p class='c005'>His life presents a series of inconsistencies. +Sometimes he has never written such a letter +before. He blushes with shame. That is the +first time; that shall be the last. Don’t +answer it, and let it be understood that, then, +he will kill himself quietly. Sometimes (and +more frequently) he <i>has</i> written a few such +letters. Then he encloses the answers, with +an intimation that they are of inestimable +value to him, and a request that they may be +carefully returned. He is fond of enclosing +something—verses, letters, pawnbrokers’ duplicates, +anything to necessitate an answer. +He is very severe upon ‘the pampered minion +of fortune,’ who refused him the half-sovereign +referred to in the enclosure number two—but +he knows me better.</p> + +<p class='c005'>He writes in a variety of styles; sometimes +in low spirits; sometimes quite jocosely. +When he is in low spirits, he writes down-hill, +and repeats words—these little indications +being expressive of the perturbation of his +mind. When he is more vivacious, he is frank +with me; he is quite the agreeable rattle. +I know what human nature is,—who better? +Well! He had a little money once, and he ran +through it—as many men have done before +him. He finds his old friends turn away from +him now—many men have done that before +him, too! Shall he tell me why he writes to +me? Because he has no kind of claim upon me. +He puts it on that ground, plainly; and begs +to ask for the loan (as I know human nature) +of two sovereigns, to be repaid next Tuesday +six weeks, before twelve at noon.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Sometimes, when he is sure that I have +found him out, and that there is no chance of +money, he writes to inform me that I have +got rid of him at last. He has enlisted into +the Company’s service, and is off directly—but +he wants a cheese. He is informed by the +serjeant that it is essential to his prospects in +the regiment that he should take out a single-Gloucester +cheese, weighing from twelve to +fifteen pounds. Eight or nine shillings would +buy it. He does not ask for money, after what +has passed; but if he calls at nine to-morrow +morning, may he hope to find a cheese? And +is there anything he can do to show his gratitude +in Bengal?</p> + +<p class='c005'>Once, he wrote me rather a special letter +proposing relief in kind. He had got into a +little trouble by leaving parcels of mud done +up in brown paper, at people’s houses, on +pretence of being a Railway-Porter, in which +character he received carriage money. This +sportive fancy he expiated in the House of +Correction. Not long after his release, and on +a Sunday morning, he called with a letter +(having first dusted himself all over), in +which he gave me to understand that, being +resolved to earn an honest livelihood, he had +been travelling about the country with a cart +of crockery. That he had been doing pretty +well, until the day before, when his horse had +dropped down dead near Chatham, in Kent. +That this had reduced him to the unpleasant +necessity of getting into the shafts himself, +and drawing the cart of crockery to London—a +somewhat exhausting pull of thirty miles. +That he did not venture to ask again for +money; but that if I would have the goodness +<i>to leave him out a donkey</i>, he would call +for the animal before breakfast!</p> + +<p class='c005'>At another time, my friend (I am describing +actual experiences) introduced himself as a +literary gentleman in the last extremity of +distress. He had had a play accepted at a +certain Theatre—which was really open; its +representation was delayed by the indisposition +of a leading actor—who was really ill; +and he and his were in a state of absolute +starvation. If he made his necessities known +to the Manager of the Theatre, he put it to +me to say what kind of treatment he might +expect? Well! we got over that difficulty to +our mutual satisfaction. A little while afterwards +he was in some other strait—I think +Mrs. Southcote, his wife, was in extremity—and +we adjusted that point too. A little +while afterwards, he had taken a new house, +and was going headlong to ruin for want of a +water-butt. I had my misgivings about the +water-butt, and did not reply to that epistle. +But, a little while afterwards, I had reason to +feel penitent for my neglect. He wrote me +a few broken-hearted lines, informing me that +the dear partner of his sorrows died in his +arms last night at nine o’clock!</p> + +<p class='c005'>I dispatched a trusty messenger to comfort +the bereaved mourner and his poor children: +but the messenger went so soon, that the play +was not ready to be played out; my friend +was not at home, and his wife was in a most +delightful state of health. He was taken up +by the Mendicity Society (informally it afterwards +appeared), and I presented myself at +a London Police-Office with my testimony +against him. The Magistrate was wonderfully +struck by his educational acquirements, +deeply impressed by the excellence of his +letters, exceedingly sorry to see a man of his +attainments there, complimented him highly +on his powers of composition, and was quite +charmed to have the agreeable duty of discharging +him. A collection was made for the +‘poor fellow,’ as he was called in the reports, +and I left the court with a comfortable sense +of being universally regarded as a sort of +monster. Next day, comes to me a friend +of mine, the governor of a large prison, ‘Why +did you ever go to the Police-Office against +that man,’ says he, ‘without coming to me +first? I know all about him and his frauds. +He lodged in the house of one of my warders, at +the very time when he first wrote to you; and +then he was eating spring-lamb at eighteenpence +a pound, and early asparagus at I +don’t know how much a bundle!’ On that +very same day, and in that very same hour, +my injured gentleman wrote a solemn address +<span class='pageno' id='Page_171'>171</span>to me, demanding to know what compensation +I proposed to make him for his having +passed the night in a ‘loathsome dungeon.’ +And next morning, an Irish gentleman, a +member of the same fraternity, who had read +the case, and was very well persuaded I +should be chary of going to that Police-Office +again, positively refused to leave my door for +less than a sovereign, and, resolved to besiege +me into compliance, literally ‘sat down’ before +it for ten mortal hours. The garrison being +well provisioned, I remained within the walls; +and he raised the siege at midnight, with a +prodigious alarum on the bell.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The Begging-Letter Writer often has an extensive +circle of acquaintance. Whole pages +of the Court Guide are ready to be references +for him. Noblemen and gentlemen +write to say there never was such a man for +probity and virtue. They have known him, +time out of mind, and there is nothing they +wouldn’t do for him. Somehow, they don’t +give him that one pound ten he stands in +need of; but perhaps it is not enough—they +want to do more, and his modesty will not +allow it. It is to be remarked of his trade that +it is a very fascinating one. He never leaves +it; and those who are near to him become +smitten with a love of it, too, and sooner or +later set up for themselves. He employs a +messenger—man, woman, or child. That +messenger is certain ultimately to become an +independent Begging-Letter Writer. His sons +and daughters succeed to his calling, and +write begging-letters when he is no more. +He throws off the infection of begging-letter +writing, like the contagion of disease. What +Sydney Smith so happily called ‘the dangerous +luxury of dishonesty’ is more tempting, +and more catching, it would seem, in +this instance than in any other.</p> + +<p class='c005'>He always belongs to a Corresponding-Society +of Begging-Letter Writers. Any one +who will, may ascertain this fact. Give money +to-day, in recognition of a begging-letter,—no +matter how unlike a common begging-letter,—and +for the next fortnight you will have a +rush of such communications. Steadily refuse +to give; and the begging-letters become +Angels’ visits, until the Society is from some +cause or other in a dull way of business, and +may as well try you as anybody else. It +is of little use enquiring into the Begging-Letter +Writer’s circumstances. He may be +sometimes accidentally found out, as in the +case already mentioned (though that was not +the first enquiry made); but apparent misery +is always a part of his trade, and real misery +very often is, in the intervals of spring-lamb and +early asparagus. It is naturally an incident +of his dissipated and dishonest life.</p> + +<p class='c005'>That the calling is a successful one, and +that large sums of money are gained by it, +must be evident to anybody who reads the +Police Reports of such cases. But, prosecutions +are of rare occurrence, relatively to the extent +to which the trade is carried on. The +cause of this, is to be found (as no one knows +better than the Begging-Letter Writer, for it +is a part of his speculation) in the aversion +people feel to exhibit themselves as having +been imposed upon, or as having weakly +gratified their consciences with a lazy, flimsy +substitute for the noblest of all virtues. There +is a man at large, at the moment when this +paper is preparing for the press (on the +29th of April), and never once taken up yet, +who, within these twelvemonths, has been +probably the most audacious and the most +successful swindler that even this trade has +ever known. There has been something +singularly base in this fellow’s proceedings: +it has been his business to write to all sorts +and conditions of people, in the names of +persons of high reputation and unblemished +honor, professing to be in distress—the general +admiration and respect for whom, has ensured +a ready and generous reply.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Now, in the hope that the results of the real +experience of a real person may do something +more to induce reflection on this subject than +any abstract treatise—and with a personal +knowledge of the extent to which the Begging-Letter +Trade has been carried on for some +time, and has been for some time constantly +increasing—the writer of this paper entreats +the attention of his readers to a few concluding +words. His experience is a type of +the experience of many; some on a smaller; +some on an infinitely larger scale. All may +judge of the soundness or unsoundness of his +conclusions from it.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Long doubtful of the efficacy of such assistance +in any case whatever, and able to recal +but one, within his whole individual knowledge, +in which he had the least after-reason +to suppose that any good was done by it, he +was led, last autumn, into some serious considerations. +The begging-letters flying about +by every post, made it perfectly manifest, That +a set of lazy vagabonds were interposed between +the general desire to do something to relieve +the sickness and misery under which the +poor were suffering; and the suffering poor +themselves. That many who sought to do +some little to repair the social wrongs, inflicted +in the way of preventible sickness +and death upon the poor, were strengthening +those wrongs, however innocently, by +wasting money on pestilent knaves cumbering +society. That imagination,—soberly +following one of these knaves into his life of +punishment in jail, and comparing it with the +life of one of these poor in a cholera-stricken +alley, or one of the children of one of these poor, +soothed in its dying hour by the late lamented +Mr. Drouet,—contemplated a grim farce, impossible +to be presented very much longer +before God or man. That the crowning miracle +of all the miracles summed up in the New Testament, +after the miracle of the blind seeing, +and the lame walking, and the restoration of the +dead to life, was the miracle that the poor had +the Gospel preached to them. That while the +<span class='pageno' id='Page_172'>172</span>poor were unnaturally and unnecessarily cut +off by the thousand, in the prematurity of +their age, or in the rottenness of their youth—for +of flower or blossom such youth has +none—the Gospel was <span class='fss'>NOT</span> preached to them, +saving in hollow and unmeaning voices. That +of all wrongs, this was the first mighty wrong +the Pestilence warned us to set right. And that +no Post-Office Order to any amount, given to +a Begging-Letter Writer for the quieting of +an uneasy breast, would be presentable on +the Last Great Day as anything towards it.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The poor never write these letters. Nothing +could be more unlike their habits. The +writers are public robbers; and we who +support them are parties to their depredations. +They trade upon every circumstance +within their knowledge that affects us, public +or private, joyful or sorrowful; they pervert +the lessons of our lives; they change what +ought to be our strength and virtue, into +weakness, and encouragement of vice. There +is a plain remedy, and it is in our own hands. +We must resolve, at any sacrifice of feeling, +to be deaf to such appeals, and crush the +trade.</p> + +<p class='c005'>There are degrees in murder. Life must +be held sacred among us in more ways than +one—sacred, not merely from the murderous +weapon, or the subtle poison, or the cruel +blow, but sacred from preventible diseases, distortions, +and pains. That is the first great +end we have to set against this miserable imposition. +Physical life respected, moral life +comes next. What will not content a Begging-Letter +Writer for a week, would educate +a score of children for a year. Let us give all +we can; let us give more than ever. Let us +do all we can; let us do more than ever. But +let us give, and do, with a high purpose; not +to endow the scum of the earth, to its own +greater corruption, with the offals of our duty.</p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c003'>THE GREAT CAT AND DOG QUESTION.</h2> +</div> + +<p class='c004'>Between the rivers Kistnah and Beehma +in the Deckhan, surrounded by wild rocky +hills, lies the town of Shorapoor, capital of a +state of that name, inhabited by a people who +have generally been considered lawless, superstitious, +and quarrelsome. Of late years they +have been more industrious and peaceable, and +though still an excitable race, may be said to +be advancing in the arts of peace.</p> + +<p class='c005'>It was during a more remote period, when +few strangers ever ventured to penetrate +the country, that a weary-looking traveller, +covered with dust, entered one of the gates, +and sat down for awhile at the side of a well. +He then proceeded to take off his waistband +and turban, washed his head and his feet, +drank of the cool refreshing water, combed +his beard and moustachios, and spreading a +small carpet on which he laid his trusty sword, +drew from his wallet a neat little muslin skullcap; +then seated himself cross-legged, lighted +his pipe, and began to look very comfortable +indeed.</p> + +<p class='c005'>In the mean time there were not wanting +many idle and curious people, who having +first at a distance observed the movements of +the stranger, approached him nearer and +nearer. But he seemed to take little notice +of the crowd, and appeared absorbed in a +sense of his own enjoyment, taking long whiffs +of his pipe, and looking as if he had made a considerable +progress towards the third heaven.</p> + +<p class='c005'>At length a respectable looking man, who +had come up, drew nearer than the rest, and +asked him from whence he had travelled, and +whither he was going? What he was seeking +in Shorapoor, and whether he was a merchant, +or merely came to look about him? But the +questions ended in smoke, being answered +only by <i>whiffs</i>.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Then came another still bolder man, and +said, ‘Sir, the heat is great; be pleased to +come with me to my house, and repose yourself +there, and I will give you a nice cool +place in which you may sleep.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>Upon this the stranger drew his pipe from +his mouth, and replied, ‘You are extremely +kind, good Sir, and I am really grateful to +you for your proffered hospitality; but the +fact is, I don’t believe you would wish to have +me in your house, did you know what I +really am!’</p> + +<p class='c005'>And thus saying, he rolled his eyes about, +twisted up his moustachios, stroked his beard, +and assumed such a mysterious air, that an +indescribable terror seized the bystanders; so +much so, that in falling hastily back, some of +them tumbled down, and others tumbled over +them in a very ridiculous manner.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘He’s a thief,’ whispered one. ‘Or a +Thug,’ said another. ‘Or an evil spirit in +the form of a man,’ observed a fourth. ‘At +all events, doesn’t he look like one who had +<i>killed another</i>?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>In short the alarm became general, and +several deemed it prudent, first to sneak off, +and then take to their heels. A few, however, +of the bolder spirits kept their ground; and +seeing that the stranger did nothing but take +long whiffs from his pipe, sending the smoke +peacefully curling over his beard and moustachios +out of both his nostrils, they regained +their confidence, and began to think that after +all he might be some important personage;—who +could tell? So after a little pushing and +elbowing among themselves, a man was thrust +forward, under an idea that something might +come of it; but no, the stranger appeared as +unmoved as ever.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Then another, who had screwed up his +courage to that point, boldly advanced, and +thus spoke—</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Do pray, Sir, tell us who upon earth you +may be?’—No answer.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Then the man who had offered a sleeping +place in his house chimed in, and said, ‘Aye, +Sir, do let us know who or what you may be? +I assure you we are none of us at all afraid of +<span class='pageno' id='Page_173'>173</span>you!’ And with these words he twisted up +his moustachios, and tried to look as fierce +and bold as possible, while his knees were +knocking together, and his heart fluttering all +the while. On a repetition of these questions, +however, by both these men, the stranger, +with infinite gravity, took the pipe from his +mouth, and thus spoke:—</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Are you not too much frightened to hear?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The runaways, however, had departed, and +those left behind seemed determined not to +follow them; more especially as the stranger +had made no sign as if he would draw his +sword; neither did they think he looked at +all so horrible now. They therefore one and +all called out, ‘No! we are not a bit afraid, +let us hear!’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well then,’ exclaimed the stranger, taking +a long puff at his pipe, ‘strange as it may +appear to you all, my name is <span class='sc'>Mischief</span>-<span class='sc'>Maker</span>! +And what is very extraordinary, +whatever I do, wherever I go, wherever I am, +I <i>always</i> create mischief, I always <i>have</i> created +mischief, and shall continue to do so to the +very end of my life!’ And upon this he +rolled his eyes, and puffed away at his pipe +harder than ever.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Oh, is this all,’ cried the party, ‘is this all?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘For the matter of <i>that</i>,’ said an active +little man with twinkling eyes, ‘you need be +under no uneasiness whatever. I defy you to +invent more mischief here than we have +already, for we are all more or less at enmity +with our neighbours; and as our fathers and +grandfathers were the same, we conclude it +must be owing to something that can’t be +changed; for instance, the air or water of our +town; so set your heart at rest, and come +along with us, and we’ll take care of you.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well,’ rejoined the stranger, ‘I am very +glad indeed to hear what you say of your own +town; for to be candid with you, it’s exactly +what I heard of you all as I came along, and +this made me think that in a place where all +were mischief-makers and busybodies already, +I could have nothing to do but (for once in +my life) live in peace. However, don’t trust +me—that’s all I have to say—and if any evil +arises from my visit, turn me out, and I’ll +seek a home elsewhere.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>An old Brahmin had come up in time to +hear this avowal. ‘’Tis very strange,’ said +the wise man. ‘This fellow is surely a magician, +and may set all the rocks of Shorapoor +dancing and tumbling about our ears, some +day. Turn him instantly away, or it may be +the worse for us all.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘No, no,’ shouted the multitude. ‘That +would be inhospitable. Let him remain, and +we shall soon see what he can do.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The little active man now came forward +again, and said slyly, ‘Sir, if you really <i>are</i> +such a mischief-maker as you describe yourself +to be, suppose you were to give us a little +specimen of your power,—just some trifling +matter to judge by.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘What, <i>now</i>?’ said the stranger.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Aye, <i>now</i>!’ exclaimed all; ‘and the sooner +the better.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well, be it so,’ said he; ‘let me put up my +things and come along!’ And with this he +arose, packed up, girded on his sword, and +strode majestically forward, followed by a +crowd continually increasing as they advanced +further into the town.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Now don’t push or press upon me so +much,’ said the stranger; ‘but observe what +I do, and watch the consequences.’ So they +let him proceed, and as he advanced, they +soon perceived that he was forming some +deep plan, particularly as he paused every +now and then, with his forefinger between +his teeth, and nodded, and wagged his head, +as much as to say, ‘I have it!’ Upon which +he made straight for a shop kept by a man +who sold flour and such like things, and accosting +the dealer, inquired with great civility, +whether he had any <i>honey</i>? ‘That I have, +Sir,’ replied the shop-keeper, ‘plenty fresh +from the comb; only taste it, and I’m sure +you’ll buy. Here, Sir; look at this beautiful +jar, full of the finest honey that was ever seen +in Shorapoor.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘It looks well,’ replied the stranger, dipping +his hand in; ‘and does not taste amiss:’ +saying which he gave his finger a careless +kind of shake; but he knew right well what +he was about, as a little lump stuck upon the +outer wall.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘It really <i>is</i> good,’ said the Mischief-Maker. +‘Give me a small pot of it, that I may take +it home to my children.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>While the shop-keeper was filling a small +new pot, over which he tied a fresh green +leaf, the people who had been following, came +up, and said, ‘Sir, you are only making game +of us; you are giving us no proof of what +you said. What mischief is there in buying +a little pot of honey?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Be quiet, my good people, and content +yourselves for a couple of minutes, while I +get my change, and put my purchase in a +safe place, and you will soon see something—wait +here, and I’ll be back to you directly.’ +The Mischief-Maker vanished in an instant!</p> + +<p class='c005'>Now it happened that this shop was a mere +shed of a place, projecting into the street, +from the wall on which the honey had been +thrown; nor had the tempting bait been long +there, before it was smelt out by a large +hungry fly, which had been spending many +fruitless hours buzzing about the dealer’s jar, +so carefully was it always covered. Here was +a glorious opportunity for a fine supper, and +down he came upon it with eager appetite—without +looking about him as he ought—for +over his head, under the cover of the wall, +among old chinks and cobwebs, there dwelt a +wily, dust-coloured lizard, who enjoyed a fly +beyond everything else in the world, and had +been particularly unsuccessful in fly-catching +all day. Watching, therefore, till the fly had +buried his mining apparatus pretty deep in +the honey, he crept down quietly, looking as +<span class='pageno' id='Page_174'>174</span>like a bit of old plaster as possible, but for +those bright eyes of his, which in his eagerness +for the capture, were intently fixed upon +the fly. Unlucky wight! Little did he think +that those very eyes had attracted the attention +of a fine tabby cat, who but a few +minutes before, with blinking eyes, presented +a perfect picture of contentment, but now +roused by a sudden temptation, was crouching +stealthily down as she beheld the lizard, for +whom she had so often watched in vain. +Down stole the lizard—on stole the cat; so +that here at the same moment were three +creatures so bent upon indulgence, that they +never even thought of looking about them! +But were these three all the parties to be +engaged? Alas! no. There was a sworn +enemy of the cat’s approaching also (under +cover of a large basket), in the shape of a mischievous +white dog, kept by a very quarrelsome +man on the other side of the street. +This dog was the terror of all the cats in +the neighbourhood, and most of all, of the +flour-dealer’s; so often had he chased her, +and so often experienced the bitter disappointment +of seeing her climbing up the +posts of the shop, and then spitting at him +from the top of the shed.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Infatuated lizard! Wretched fly! Betrayed +pussy! <i>She</i> heeded not the sly creep of the +dog, so intent was she upon the successful +issue of her spring upon the lizard. The fly +was gorging himself with honey. He alone +partook not of the intense anxiety of the +lizard, the cat, and the dog. He partook only +of—<i>honey</i>!</p> + +<p class='c005'>The crisis at length arrived. The lizard +made its nimble pounce at the fly. The cat +sprang at the lizard. The lizard missed its +footing in consequence, and would have been +the cat’s portion—fly, honey, and all—but for +the dog’s sudden attack upon puss. Here +was a scene! The lizard falling to the ground, +was at once involved in the consequences of +the quarrel between the dog and cat. What +were fly or honey to him at the moment, +when in a state between life and death he +crept back sore and wounded to his chinks +and cobwebs! The fly might or might not +have escaped. Not so the cat, now sorely +worried by the dog, in spite of all her outcries +and all she could do in the way of biting +and clawing; for it was an old score the dog +was paying her off, and that might soon have +cost her her life, if her master had not rushed +out of his shop with a broomstick, with +which he began to belabour the dog.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Now the owner of the dog had been as long +at enmity with the man of flour and honey, +as the dog had been at enmity with the cat, +and probably longer. Of course, therefore, +when he heard his animal’s cries, and saw +the punishment inflicting, he armed himself +with a broomstick also; and rushing across +the street, gave the flour-dealer such a crack +upon his head, as knocked him down as flat as +a pancake.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Take that you villain,’ said he, ‘for it’s a +debt I’ve long owed you!’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Have you?’ said the flour-dealer’s son, as +he rushed out with a cudgel in his hand. +‘Then tell me how you like <i>that</i>’—giving him +such a hearty whack across the shoulders, +that he was fain to drop his broomstick.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Yet the blow had hardly been given, before +a friend of the dog’s master ran up with a +drawn sword, and would have made mincemeat +of the flour-dealer’s son, but for a soldier +who cried out, ‘Shame, thou coward, and son of +a coward, who would attack a youth with only +a stick in his hand, and you armed with a +sword! Shame on you! It’s just like you +rascally Hindoo fellows, who pretend to be +soldiers, and are as much like soldiers as that +poor cat. Why don’t you try me?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Why not?’ replied the man. ‘Do you think +I’m afraid of such a bully as you? Come on, +you scoundrel, and I’ll show you what difference +there is between a cat and a Hindoo!’</p> + +<p class='c005'>Upon this the soldier drew his sword, and +both began to cut at each other in good +earnest.</p> + +<p class='c005'>On this all the people cried out, ‘Murder! +Murder!’ and a great many soldiers running +to the spot, were soon engaged, always attacking +the Hindoos, who were on the dog’s side, +and the Hindoos the Mussulmans, who were +on the side of the cat; and wherever a Hindoo +and a Mussulman were fighting, the Hindoos +aided the Hindoo, and the Mussulmans the +Mussulman; and the consequence was the +death of many on each side, and the wounding +of most of the foolish quarrelsome people +engaged.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Of course such a hubbub as this could not +be continued long without its being reported +to the Rajah, who forthwith hastened from +his palace with his body-guard and some +horsemen, and soon put a stop to this terrible +fray; and all the ringleaders were forthwith +seized and tied together, and marched off to +prison, there to be kept closely confined till +the sad business should be fully enquired into, +and the cause of so dreadful a riot ascertained, +and fixed upon the guilty.</p> + +<p class='c005'>All that night, therefore, were the magistrates +and police-officers hard at work listening +to evidence, but they did not advance a +single step in the business; no, nor for several +days after, notwithstanding the great impatience +of the Rajah, to whom they could +only report from time to time the hearing of +nothing but the words, ‘Cat, Dog,’—‘Cat and +Dog,’—‘Dog and Cat,’—‘Dog’—‘Cat.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>A very similar feeling, also, was entertained +by the lawyers who were called in, and who, +after intense application, declared themselves +doubtful, <i>very</i> doubtful,—so much was advanced +and really to be said and supported +by various precedents, both on the side of +the cat and of the dog, and, consequently, of the +owner of the cat, as well as the owner of the +dog, and the partisans of the owners of the dog +and cat,—insomuch, that the whole city was +<span class='pageno' id='Page_175'>175</span>split into most determined cat and dog factions, +and all strangers that entered the gates +were instantly absorbed in the dog and cat +vortex, and whirled actually round and +round in this terrible fray, which every now +and then broke out with fresh fury, notwithstanding +all the vigilance of the Rajah’s +guards. And yet even these valiant heroes +were in some degree infected, giving sly cuts +at dog or cat men, just as they themselves +inclined to support the cat and dog question.</p> + +<p class='c005'>And so matters might have remained, either +to the day of the final depopulation of Shorapoor, +or Doomsday itself, but for the wise old +Brahmin who had given such timely warning +to turn out the stranger.</p> + +<p class='c005'>He had in reality been quietly chuckling a +little, as many are wont to do who have lived +to see their prophecies first despised and then +fulfilled; but his heart relenting, he hastened +to the palace, and prostrating himself before +the Rajah with hands joined together, he thus +spoke:—</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘May I be your sacrifice, O thou eater of +mountains and drinker of rivers! I have a +petition to make in this matter of the cat and +dog!’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘It shall be heard,’ replied the Rajah. ‘Thou +art a wise man; what dost thou say?—dog—cat—dog +and cat, or cat and dog? For my +own part, I still reserve my decision, though +somewhat inclining to the opinion that the +cat caused all the mischief, and for this +reason,—because if the dog had not seen the +cat, he very probably would not have chased +her—“out of sight out of mind” being one of +our oldest as well as truest proverbs.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Alas! that I should differ with your Highness—Brave +Falcon, terrible in War—the most +valiant of the State—the Tiger of the Country,’ +replied the Prime Minister. ‘How could the +cat help being worried by the dog?—and did +not nature give her a right to go where she +pleased?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>So the whole Court took at once different +sides, and matters might have come to a +serious explosion, even within the sacred walls +of the palace itself, but for the Brahmin, who +again lifted up his voice and said:—</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘May it please your Highness! Let me +declare to you that it was neither the dog nor +the cat that caused all this misery, but the +<i>Fly</i> and the Honey!’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘The fly and the honey! The fly and the +honey!’ exclaimed the astonished Rajah. +‘What honey, and what fly?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>And, as this was a perfectly new idea, the +assembly listened with profound attention +while the holy man unfolded the true history +of the case. His having seen the stranger, +and warned the people against him. How +accurately he had observed the drop of honey +dabbed against the wall. Then the approach +of the fly, the sly gliding of the lizard, +the wily creeping of the cat, and the +stealthy vindictive movements of the dog—involving +all these creatures in much pain +and difficulty, and which afterwards overspread +the city.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Hold, learned man,’ cried the Rajah, ‘thou +hast well said; my eyes are opened!’ and he +desired search to be made for the man who +had too well earned the title of Mischief-Maker. +But he was no where to be either +found or heard of; and the poor flour-dealer, +who stood among the prisoners with a bandaged +head, declared that the villain had not +even paid for the honey that had caused the +whole tumult.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well,’ exclaimed the Rajah, after a profound +pause; ‘here now may most plainly be +seen a proof—if any such were required—that +my subjects only want a pretext, no matter +what, to quarrel, and they are sure to go to +loggerheads.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I now throw no blame upon either the +cat or the dog; for each animal followed its +own peculiar instinct. The blame and the +punishment too, must light upon the owners +of the dog and cat for fighting, and thus inducing +others to espouse so ridiculous a +quarrel.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>And forthwith he ordered all the principal +rioters into confinement, saying also to the +rest of the people:—</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Go home now, fools that ye are, and try +whether you cannot make up your minds to +live at peace with one another. I cannot +prevent your keeping cats and dogs, because +were I to do so, we should be devoured by +vermin or exposed to robbery. But this I tell +you, you shall not turn yourselves into cats +and dogs for the future with impunity—<span class='sc'>Depart</span>!’ +So they all sneaked off; and the +active little man whose head somebody had +broken, scratched it and said:—</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Only think how well that strange fellow +knew us all!’</p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c003'>A CARD FROM MR. BOOLEY.</h2> +</div> + +<p class='c004'><span class='sc'>Mr. Booley</span> (the great traveller) presents +his compliments to the conductor of Household +Words, and begs to call his attention to +an omission in the account given in that +delightful journal, of <span class='sc'>Mr. Booley’s</span> remarks, +in addressing the Social Oysters.</p> + +<p class='c005'><span class='sc'>Mr. Booley</span>, in proposing the health of +<span class='sc'>Mr. Thomas Grieve</span>, in connexion with the +beautiful diorama of the route of the Overland +Mail to India, expressly added (amid +much cheering from the Oysters) the names of +<span class='sc'>Mr. Telbin</span> his distinguished coadjutor; <span class='sc'>Mr. +Absolon</span>, who painted the figures; and +<span class='sc'>Mr. Herring</span>, who painted the animals. +Although <span class='sc'>Mr. Booley’s</span> tribute of praise can +be of little importance to those gentlemen, he +is uneasy in finding them left out of the +delightful Journal referred to.</p> + +<p class='c005'><span class='sc'>Mr. Booley</span> has taken the liberty of endeavouring +to give this communication an air +of novelty, by omitting the words ‘Now, Sir,’ +which are generally supposed to be essential +to all letters written to Editors for publication. +<span class='pageno' id='Page_176'>176</span>It may be interesting to add, in fact, +that the Social Oysters considered it impossible +that <span class='sc'>Mr. Booley</span> could, by any means, +throw off the present communication, without +availing himself of that established form of +address.</p> + +<p class='c005'><i>Highbury Barn, Monday Evening.</i></p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c003'>LAW AT A LOW PRICE.</h2> +</div> + +<p class='c004'>Low, narrow, dark, and frowning are the +thresholds of our Inns of Court. If there is +one of these entrances of which I have +more dread than another, it is that leading +out of Holborn to Gray’s Inn. I never +remember to have met a cheerful face at it, +until the other morning, when I encountered +Mr. Ficker, attorney-at-law. In a few +minutes we found ourselves arm in arm, and +straining our voices to the utmost amid the +noise of passing vehicles. Mr. Ficker stretched +himself on tiptoe in a frantic effort to inform +me that he was going to a County Court. +‘But perhaps you have not heard of these +places?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>I assured Mr. Ficker that the parliamentary +discussions concerning them had made me +very anxious to see how justice was administered +in these establishments for low-priced +Law. ‘I am going to one now,’ but he impressively +added, ‘you must understand, that professionally +I do not approve of their working. +There can be no doubt that they seriously prejudice +the regular course of law. Comparing +the three quarters preceding with three quarters +subsequent to the establishment of these +Courts, there was a decrease of nearly 10,000 +writs issued by the Court of Queen’s Bench +alone, or of nearly 12,500 on the year.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>We soon arrived at the County Court. It +is a plain, substantial-looking building, wholly +without pretension, but at the same time not +devoid of some little architectural elegance of +exterior. We entered, by a gateway far less +austere than that of Gray’s Inn, a long, well-lighted +passage, on either side of which were +offices connected with the Court. One of +these was the Summons Office, and I observed +on the wall a ‘Table of Fees,’ and as I saw +Mr. Ficker consulting it with a view to his +own business, I asked him his opinion of the +charges.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Why,’ said he, ‘the scale of fees is too large +for the client and too small for the lawyer. +But suitors object less to the amount than to +the intricacies and perplexities of the Table. +In some districts the expense of recovering a +sum of money is one-third more than it is in +others; though in both the same scale of fees +is in operation. This arises from the variety +of interpretations which different judges and +officers put upon the charges.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>Passing out of the Summons Office, we +entered a large hall, placarded with lists of +trials for the ensuing week. There were more +than one hundred of them set down for trial +on nearly every day.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I am glad,’ I said, ‘to think that this is +not all additional litigation. I presume these +are the thousands of causes a year withdrawn +from the superior Courts?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘The skeletons of them,’ said Mr. Ficker, +with a sigh. ‘There were some pickings out +of the old processes; but I am afraid that +there is nothing but the bone here.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I see here,’ said I, pointing to one of the +lists, ‘a single plaintiff entered, as proceeding +against six-and-twenty defendants in succession.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Ah,’ said Mr. Ficker, rubbing his hands, ‘a +knowing fellow that; quite awake to the +business of these Courts. A cheap and easy +way, Sir, of recovering old debts. I don’t +know who the fellow is—a tailor very likely—but +no doubt you will find his name in +the list in this way once every half year. +If his Midsummer and Christmas bills are +not punctually paid, it is far cheaper to +come here and get a summons served, than to +send all over London to collect the accounts, +with the chance of not finding the customer at +home. And this is one way, you see, in which +we solicitors are defrauded. No doubt, this +fellow formerly employed an attorney to write +letters for him, requesting payment of the +amount of his bill, and 6<i>s</i>. 8<i>d</i>. for the cost of +the application. Now, instead of going to an +attorney, he comes here and gets the summons +served for 2<i>s</i>. A knowing hand that,—a knowing +hand.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘But,’ I said, ‘surely no respectable tradesman——’</p> + +<p class='c005'><i>‘Respectable</i>,’ said Mr. Ficker, ‘I said nothing, +about respectability. This sort of thing is +very common among a certain class of tradespeople, +especially puffing tailors and bootmakers. +Such people rely less on regular +than on chance custom, and therefore they care +less about proceeding against those who deal +with them.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘But,’ said I, ‘this is a decided abuse of +the power of the Court. Such fellows ought +to be exposed.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Phoo, phoo,’ said Mr. Ficker; ‘they are, +probably, soon known here, and then, if the +judge does his duty, they get bare justice, +and nothing more. I am not sure, indeed, +that sometimes their appearance here may +not injure rather than be of advantage to +them; for the barrister may fix a distant +date for payment of a debt which the tradesman, +by a little civility, might have obtained +from his customer a good deal sooner.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘The Court’ I found to be a lofty room, +somewhat larger and handsomer than the +apartment in which the Hogarths are hung +up in the National Gallery. One half was +separated from the other by a low partition, +on the outer side of which stood a miscellaneous +crowd of persons who appeared to be +waiting their turn to be called forward. Though +the appearance of the Court was new and handsome, +everything was plain and simple.</p> + +<p class='c005'>I was much struck by the appearance and +<span class='pageno' id='Page_177'>177</span>manner of the Judge. He was comparatively +a young man; but I fancied that he displayed +the characteristics of experience. His attention +to the proceedings was unwearied; his +discrimination appeared admirable; and there +was a calm self-possession about him that +bordered upon dignity.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The suitors who attended were of every class +and character. There were professional men, +tradesmen, costermongers, and a peer. Among +the plaintiffs, there were specimens of the +considerate plaintiff, the angry plaintiff, the +cautious plaintiff, the bold-swearing plaintiff, +the energetic plaintiff, the practised plaintiff, +the shrewish (female) plaintiff, the nervous +plaintiff, and the revengeful plaintiff. Each +plaintiff was allowed to state his or her case +in his or her own way, and to call witnesses, +if there were any. When the debt appeared +to be <i><span lang="la">primâ facie</span></i> proved, the Barrister turned +to the defendant, and perhaps asked him if +he disputed it?</p> + +<p class='c005'>The characteristics of the defendants were +quite as different as the characteristics of the +plaintiffs. There was the factious defendant, +and the defendant upon principle—the stormy +defendant, and the defendant who was timid—the +impertinent defendant, and the defendant +who left his case entirely to the Court—the +defendant who would never pay, and the defendant +who would if he could. The causes +of action I found to be as multifarious as the +parties were diverse. Besides suits by tradespeople +for every description of goods supplied, +there were claims for every sort and kind of +service that can belong to humanity, from the +claim of a monthly nurse, to the claim of the +undertaker’s assistant.</p> + +<p class='c005'>In proving these claims the Judge was +strict in insisting that a proper account should +have been delivered; and that the best evidence +should be produced as to the correctness +of the items. No one could come to the +court and receive a sum of money merely by +swearing that ‘Mr. So-and-so owes me so +much.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>With regard to defendants, the worst thing +they could do, was to remain away when summoned +to attend. It has often been observed +that those persons about whose dignity there is +any doubt, are the most rigorous in enforcing +its observance. It is with Courts as it is with +men; and as Small Debt Courts are sometimes +apt to be held in some contempt, I +found the Judge here very prompt in his +decision, whenever a defendant did not appear +by self or agent. Take a case in point:—</p> + +<p class='c004'><i>Barrister</i> (<i>to the Clerk of the Court</i>). Make an +order in favour of the plaintiff.</p> + +<p class='c005'><i>Plaintiff’s Attorney.</i> Your honour will give us +speedy recovery?</p> + +<p class='c005'><i>Barrister.</i> Will a month do, Mr. Docket?</p> + +<p class='c005'><i>Plaintiff’s Attorney.</i> The defendant is not here +to assign any reason for delay, your honour.</p> + +<p class='c005'><i>Barrister.</i> Very well: then let him pay in a +fortnight.</p> + +<p class='c004'>I was much struck, in some of the cases, by +a friendly sort of confidence which characterised +some of the proceedings. Here again +the effect in a great measure was attributable +to the Barrister. He seemed to act,—as +indeed he is—rather as an authorised +arbitrator than as a Judge. He advised +rather than ordered; ‘I really think,’ he said +to one defendant, ‘I really think, Sir, you +have made yourself liable.’ ‘Do you, Sir?’ +said the man, pulling out his purse without +more ado, ‘then, Sir, I am sure I will pay.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>It struck me, too, as remarkable, that +though some of the cases were hotly contested, +none of the defeated parties complained of +the decision. In several instances, the parties +even appeared to acquiesce in the propriety +of the verdict.</p> + +<p class='c005'>A Scotch shoeing-smith summoned a man +who, from his appearance, I judged to be a +hard, keen-dealing Yorkshire horse-jobber; +he claimed a sum of money for putting shoes +upon six-and-thirty horses. His claim was +just, but there was an error in his particulars +of demand which vitiated it. The Barrister +took some trouble to point out that in consequence +of this error, even if he gave a decision +in his favour, he should be doing him an +injury. The case was a hard one, and I could +not help regretting that the poor plaintiff +should be non-suited. Did <i>he</i> complain? +Neither by word or action. Folding up his +papers, he said sorrowfully, ‘Well, Sir, I +assure you I would not have come here, if it +had not been a just claim.’ The Barrister +evidently believed him, for he advised a compromise, +and adjourned the case that the +parties might try to come to terms. But the +defendant would not arrange, and the plaintiff +was driven to elect a non-suit.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The mode of dealing with documentary +evidence afforded me considerable satisfaction. +Private letters—such as the tender effusions of +faithless love—are not, as in the higher Courts, +thrust, one after the other, into the dirty +face of a grubby-looking witness who was +called to prove the handwriting, sent the +round of the twelve jurymen in the box, and +finally passed to the reporters that they might +copy certain flowery sentences and a few +stanzas from ‘Childe Harold,’ which the shorthand +writers ‘could not catch,’ but are handed +up seriatim to the Judge, who looks through +them carefully and then passes them over +without observation for the re-perusal of the +defendant. Not a word transpires, except +such extracts as require comment.</p> + +<p class='c005'>There was a claim against a gentleman for +a butcher’s bill. He had the best of all defences, +for he had paid ready money for every +item as it was delivered. The plaintiff was +the younger partner of a butchering firm +which had broken up, leaving him in possession +of the books and his partner in possession +of the credit. The proprietor of the book-debts +proved the order and delivery of certain +joints prior to a certain date, and swore they +had not been paid for. To show his title +<span class='pageno' id='Page_178'>178</span>to recover the value of them, he somewhat +unnecessarily thrust before the Barrister the +deed which constituted him a partner. The +Judge instantly compared the deed with the +bill. ‘Why,’ he said, turning to the butcher, +‘all the items you have sworn to were purchased +anterior to the date of your entering +into partnership. If any one is entitled to +recover, it is your partner, whom the defendant +alleges he has paid.’ In one, as they are +called, of the ‘Superior Courts,’ I very much +doubt whether either Judge or Jury would +have discovered for themselves this important +discrepancy.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The documentary evidence was not confined +to deeds and writings, stamped or unstamped. +Even during the short time I was present, I +saw some curious records produced before the +Barrister—records as primitive in their way +as those the Chancellor of the Exchequer used +to keep in the Tally-Office, before the comparatively +recent introduction of book-keeping +into the department of our national accountant.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Among other things received in evidence, +were a milkwoman’s score, and a baker’s +notches. Mr. Ficker appeared inclined to +think that no weight ought to be attached to +such evidence as this. But when I recollect +that there have occasionally been such things +as tombstones produced in evidence before +Lord Volatile in his own particular Court, the +House of Lords, (‘the highest jurisdiction,’ as +they call it, ‘in the realm,’) I see no good +reason why Mrs. Chalk, the milkwoman, +should not be permitted to produce her +tallies in a County Court. For every practical +purpose the score upon the one seems just as +good a document as the epitaph upon the +other.</p> + +<p class='c005'>I was vastly pleased by the great consideration +which appeared to be displayed towards +misfortune and adversity. These Courts are +emphatically Courts for the <i>recovery</i> of debts; +and inasmuch as they afford great facilities +to plaintiffs, it is therefore the more incumbent +that defendants should be protected +against hardship and oppression. A man was +summoned to show why he had not paid +a debt pursuant to a previous order of the +Court. The plaintiff attended to press the case +against him, and displayed some rancour.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Why have you not paid, Sir?’ demanded +the Judge, sternly.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Your honour,’ said the man, ‘I have been +out of employment six months, and within +the last fortnight everything I have in the +world has been seized in execution.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>In the Superior Courts this would have +been no excuse. The man would probably +have gone to prison, leaving his wife and +family upon the parish. But here that novel +sentiment in law proceedings—sympathy—peeped +forth.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I believe this man would pay,’ said the +barrister, ‘if possible. But he has lost everything +in the world. At present I shall make +no order.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>It did not appear to me that the plaintiffs +generally in this Court were anxious to press +very hardly upon defendants. Indeed it would +be bad policy to do so. Give a man time, +and he can often meet demands that it would +be impossible for him to defray if pressed at +once.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Immediate execution’ in this Court, +seemed to be payment within a fortnight. +An order to pay in weekly instalments is a +common mode of arranging a case, and as it is +usually made by agreement between the parties, +both of them are satisfied. In fact the +rule of the Court seemed not dissimilar from +that of tradespeople who want to do a quick +business, and who proceed upon the principle +that ‘No reasonable offer is refused.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>I had been in the Court sufficiently long to +make these and other observations, when +Mr. Ficker introduced me to the clerk. On +leaving the Court by a side door, we repaired +to Mr. Nottit’s room, where we found that +gentleman, (an old attorney,) prepared to do +the honours of ‘a glass of sherry and a biscuit.’ +Of course the conversation turned upon ‘the +County Court.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Doing a pretty good business here?’ said +Mr. Ficker.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Business—we’re at it all day,’ replied +Mr. Nottit. ‘I’ll show you. This is an account +of the business of the County Courts +in England and Wales in the year 1848; the +account for 1849 is not yet made up.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Takes six months, I suppose, to make it,’ +said Mr. Ficker, rather ill-naturedly.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Total “Number of Plaints or Causes entered,”’ +read the clerk, ‘427,611.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Total amount of money sought to be recovered +by the plaintiffs,’ continued Mr. +Nottit, ‘1,346,802<i>l.</i>’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Good Gracious!’ exclaimed Ficker, his +face expressing envy and indignation; ‘what +a benefit would have been conferred upon +society, if all this property had been got into +the legitimate Law Courts. What a benefit to +the possessors of all this wealth. I have no +doubt whatever that during the past year the +suitors who have recovered this million and a +quarter have spent the whole of it, squandered +it upon what they called “necessaries of life.” +Look at the difference if it had only been +locked up for them—say in Chancery. It +would have been preserved with the greatest +possible safety; accounted for—every fraction +of it—in the books of the Accountant-General; +and we, Sir, we—the respectable practitioners +in the profession—should have gone down +three or four times every year to the Master’s +offices to see that it was all right, and to have +had a little consultation as to the best means +of holding it safely for our client, until his +suit was properly and equitably disposed of.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘But, perhaps, Ficker,’ I suggested, ‘these +poor clients make better use of their own +money, after all, than the Courts of Law and +Equity could make of it for them.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Then the costs,’ said Mr. Ficker, with an +<span class='pageno' id='Page_179'>179</span>attorney’s ready eye to business, ‘let us hear +about them.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘The total amount of costs adjudged to be +paid by defendants on the amount (752,500<i>l.</i>) for +which judgment was obtained, was 199,980<i>l.</i>;’ +was the answer; ‘being an addition of 26.5 +per cent. on the amount ordered to be paid.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well,’ said Mr. Ficker, ‘that’s not so very +bad. Twenty-five per cent.,’ turning to me; +‘is a small amount undoubtedly for the costs +of an action duly brought to trial; but, as +the greater part of these costs are costs of +Court, twenty-five per cent. cannot be considered +inadequate.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘It seems to me a great deal too much,’ +said I. ‘Justice ought to be much cheaper.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘All the fees to counsel and attorneys are +included in the amount,’ remarked the clerk, +‘and so are allowances to witnesses. The fees +on causes, amounted to very nearly 300,000<i>l.</i> +Of this sum, the Officers’ fees were, in 1848, +234,274<i>l.</i>, and the General Fund fees 51,784<i>l.</i>’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Not so bad!’ said Mr. Ficker, smiling.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘The Judges’ fees amounted to nearly +90,000<i>l.</i> This would have given them all +1500<i>l.</i> each; but the Treasury has fixed their +salaries at a uniform sum of 1000<i>l.</i>, so that +the sixty Judges only draw 60,000<i>l.</i> of the +90,000<i>l.</i>’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Where does the remainder go?’ I enquired.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The County Court Clerk shook his head.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘But you don’t mean,’ said I, ‘that the +suitors are made to pay 90,000<i>l.</i> a year for +what only costs 60,000<i>l.</i>?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I am afraid it is so,’ said Mr. Nottit.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Dear me!’ said Mr. Ficker. ‘I never +heard of such a thing in all my professional +experience. I am sure the Lord Chancellor +would never sanction that in his Court. You +ought to apply to the Courts above, Mr. +Nottit. You ought, indeed.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘And yet,’ said I, ‘I think I have heard +something about a Suitors’ Fee Fund in those +Courts above—eh, Ficker?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Ah—hem—yes,’ said Mr. Ficker. ‘Certainly—but +the cases are not at all analogous. +By the way, how are the other fees distributed?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘The Clerks,’ said Mr. Nottit, ‘received +87,283<i>l.</i>; nearly as much as the Judges. As +there are 491 clerks, the average would be +180<i>l.</i> a year to each. But as the Clerks’ fees +accumulate in each Court according to the +business transacted, of course the division is +very unequal. In one Court in Wales the +Clerk only got 8<i>l.</i> 10<i>s.</i> in fees; in another +Court, in Yorkshire, his receipts only amounted +to 9<i>l.</i> 4<i>s.</i> 3<i>d.</i> But some of my colleagues made +a good thing of it. The Clerks’ fees in some of +the principal Courts, are very ‘Comfortable.’</p> + +<table class='table0'> + <tr> + <td class='c006'>The Clerk of</td> + <td class='c007'>Westminster netted in 1848</td> + <td class='c008'>£2731</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td class='c006'> </td> + <td class='c007'>Clerkenwell</td> + <td class='c008'>2227</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td class='c006'> </td> + <td class='c007'>Southwark</td> + <td class='c008'>1710</td> + </tr> +</table> + +<p class='c005'>Bristol, Sheffield, Bloomsbury, Birmingham, +Shoreditch, Leeds, Marylebone, received 1000<i>l.</i> +a year and upwards.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘But,’ continued our friend, ‘three-fourths +of the Clerks get less than 100<i>l.</i> a year.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Now,’ said Mr. Ficker, ‘tell us what you +do for all this money?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Altogether,’ said the clerk, ‘the Courts sat +in 1848, 8,386 days, or an average for each +Judge of 140 days. The greatest number +of sittings was in Westminster, where the +Judge sat 246 days. At Liverpool, there were +sittings on 225 days. The number of trials, as +I have before mentioned, was 259,118, or an +average of about 4320 to each Judge, and 528 to +each Court. In some of the Courts, however, +as many as 20,000 cases are tried in a year.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Why,’ said Mr. Ficker, ‘they can’t give +five minutes to each case! Is this “administration +of justice?”’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘When,’ said the Clerk, ‘a case is undefended, +a plaintiff appears, swears to his debt, +and obtains an order for its payment, which +takes scarcely two minutes.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘How long does a defended case take?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘On the average, I should say, a quarter of +an hour: that is, provided counsel are not +employed.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Jury cases occupy much longer.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Undoubtedly.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Are the jury cases frequent?’ I enquired, +some feeling of respect for ‘our time-honoured +institution’ coming across me as I spoke.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Nothing,’ said our friend, ‘is more remarkable +in the history of the County Courts than +the very limited resort which suitors have to +juries. It is within the power of either party +to cause a jury to be summoned in any case +where the plaint is upwards of 5<i>l.</i> The total +number of cases tried in 1848, was 259,118. +Of these, upwards of 50,000 were cases in +which juries might have been summoned. +But there were only 884 jury cases in all the +Courts, or one jury for about every 270 trials! +The party requiring the jury obtained a +verdict in 446 out of the 884 cases, or exactly +one half.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘At any rate, then, there is no imputation +on the juries,’ said Mr. Ficker.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘The power of resorting to them is very +valuable,’ said our friend. ‘There is a strong +disposition among the public to rely upon +the decision of the Barrister, and that reliance +is not without good foundation, for +certainly justice in these Courts has been +well administered. But there may be occasions +when it would be very desirable that a jury +should be interposed between a party to a +cause and the presiding Judge; and certainly +if the jurisdiction of these Courts is extended, +it will be most desirable that suitors should +be able to satisfy themselves that every opportunity +is open to them of obtaining justice.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘For my own part,’ said I, ‘I would as +soon have the decision of one honest man as +of twelve honest men, and perhaps I would +prefer it. If the Judge is a liberal-minded +and enlightened man I would rather take his +judgment than submit my case to a dozen +selected by chance, and among whom there +<span class='pageno' id='Page_180'>180</span>would most probably be at least a couple of +dolts. By the way, why should not the same +option be given to suitors in Westminster +Hall as is given in the County Courts?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘What!’ exclaimed Mr. Ficker; ‘abolish +trial by Jury! the palladium of British liberty! +Have you <i>no</i> respect for antiquity?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘We must adapt ourselves to the altered +state of society, Ficker. Observe the great +proportion of cases <i>tried</i> in these Courts; +more than sixty per cent. of the entire +number of plaints entered. This is vastly +greater than the number in the Superior +Courts, where there is said to be scarcely one +cause tried for fifty writs issued. Why is this? +Simply because the cost deters parties from +continuing the actions. They settle rather +than go to a jury.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘And a great advantage, too,’ said Mr. +Ficker.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Under the new bill,’ said our friend, the +Clerk, ‘Ficker’s clients will all be coming to +us. They will be able to recover 50<i>l.</i> in these +Courts without paying Ficker a single 6<i>s.</i> 8<i>d.</i>, +unless they have a peculiar taste for law +expenses.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘And a hideous amount of rascality and +perjury will be the consequence,’ said Mr. +Ficker; ‘you will make these Courts mere +Plaintiffs’ Courts, Sir; Courts to which every +rogue will be dragging the first man who he +thinks can pay him 50<i>l.</i>, if he only swears hard +enough that it is due to him. I foresee the +greatest danger from this extension of litigation, +under the pretence of providing cheap law.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Fifty pounds,’ said I, ‘is, to a large proportion +of the people, a sum of money of very +considerable importance. I must say, I think +it would be quite right that inferior courts +should not have the power of dealing with so +much of a man’s property, without giving him +a power of appeal, at least under restrictions. +But at the same time, looking at the satisfactory +way in which this great experiment +has worked,—seeing how many righteous +claims have been established and just defences +maintained, which would have been +denied under any other system—I cannot but +hope to see the day when, attended by proper +safeguards for the due administration of +justice, these Courts will be open to even a +more numerous class of suitors than at +present. It is proposed that small Charitable +Trust cases shall be submitted to the Judges +of these Courts; why not also refer to them +cases in which local magistrates cannot now +act without suspicion of partisanship?—cases, +for example, under the Game Laws, or the +Turnpike Laws, and, more than all, offences +against the Truck Act, which essentially embody +matters of account. Why not,’ said I, +preparing for a burst of eloquence, ‘why +not—’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Overthrow at once the Seat of Justice, the +letter of the Law, and our glorious constitution +in Church and State!’</p> + +<p class='c005'>It was Mr. Ficker who spoke, and he had +rushed frantically from the room ’ere I could +reply.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Having no one to argue the point further +with, I made my bow to Mr. Nottit and +retired also.</p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c003'>SWEDISH FOLK-SONGS.</h2> +</div> + +<div class='lg-container-b c009'> + <div class='linegroup'> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line in12'>FAIR CARIN.</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>The fair Carin—a maiden,</div> + <div class='line in2'>Within a young king’s hall,</div> + <div class='line'>Like to a star in beauty</div> + <div class='line in2'>Among the handmaids all.</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>Like to a star in beauty,</div> + <div class='line in2'>Among the maidens there;</div> + <div class='line'>And thus the king addressed him</div> + <div class='line in2'>Unto Carin the Fair.</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>‘And fair Carin, now hearken,</div> + <div class='line in2'>Wilt thou be only mine,</div> + <div class='line'>The grey horse, golden-saddled,</div> + <div class='line in2'>It shall this day be thine.’</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>‘The grey horse, golden-saddled,</div> + <div class='line in2'>Is all unmeet for me;</div> + <div class='line'>Give them unto thy fair young queen,</div> + <div class='line in2'>And let the poor maid be.’</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>‘And fair Carin, now hearken,</div> + <div class='line in2'>Wilt thou this day be mine,</div> + <div class='line'>My crown, made of the red, red gold,</div> + <div class='line in2'>It shall alone be thine.’</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>‘Thy crown, made of the red, red gold,</div> + <div class='line in2'>Is all unmeet for me;</div> + <div class='line'>Give it unto thy good young queen,</div> + <div class='line in2'>And let the poor maid be.’</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>‘And fair Carin, now hearken,</div> + <div class='line in2'>Wilt thou this day be mine,</div> + <div class='line'>The half of all my kingdom,</div> + <div class='line in2'>It shall alone be thine.’</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>‘The half of all thy kingdom</div> + <div class='line in2'>It is unmeet for me;</div> + <div class='line'>Give it unto thy gentle queen,</div> + <div class='line in2'>And let the poor maid be.’</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>‘And fair Carin, now hearken,</div> + <div class='line in2'>If thee I may not win,</div> + <div class='line'>A cask, all spiked with iron,</div> + <div class='line in2'>Shalt thou be set within.’</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>‘And though that thou shouldst set me</div> + <div class='line in2'>The spikéd cask within,</div> + <div class='line'>They would behold, God’s angels,</div> + <div class='line in2'>That I am free from sin.’</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>They closed Carin, the maiden,</div> + <div class='line in2'>Within that cruel space,</div> + <div class='line'>And the young king’s hired servants</div> + <div class='line in2'>They rolled her round the place.</div> + </div> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>With that from heaven descended</div> + <div class='line in2'>Two doves as bright as day;</div> + <div class='line'>They took Carin, the maiden,</div> + <div class='line in2'>And there were three straightway.</div> + </div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c003'>A VISIT TO THE ARCTIC DISCOVERY SHIPS.</h2> +</div> + +<p class='c004'>By aid of the North Kent Railway an hour +is more than enough for the journey from +London to the dockyard at Woolwich. On a +bright morning in April, we crossed the paved +court of the dockyard in search of the four +ships that were being made ready to go in +<span class='pageno' id='Page_181'>181</span>search of the lost Sir John Franklin and his +companions—now four years unheard of, and +believed to be frozen up in the regions of +thick-ribbed ice at the North Pole. Two of +the Arctic ships were put in dry dock, and +two afloat in the river. The names of the +ships as put together by an old sailor in our +hearing, express their mission. The ‘Resolute,’ +‘Intrepid,’ ‘Pioneer,’ goes with ‘Assistance’ +to Sir John Franklin and his frozen-up +pack.</p> + +<p class='c005'>We had followed the workman with the +artificial memory, and by this time stood beside +the dry dock in which one of the vessels, +the ‘Pioneer,’ a steamer, was fixed upright and +out of water. There she stood in a fine massive +granite basin, the sides of which were fashioned +into steps. Down there we went, and then +walked round and under her from stem to +stern, and in doing so, could see what preparation +had been made to fit her for the duty +she had to do. This steamer had been in the +foreign cattle trade, and had brought, it +seems, many a drove from the fields of +Flanders, and from the hills of Spain, to +make fatal acquaintance with the abominations +of Smithfield. Bought out of that unsavoury +service as a strong capable steamship, +she had been placed in this granite +cradle, and been swathed outside with tarred +felt, upon the top of which additional planking +was then fixed. Upon her bows where +the shock of the ice would be most severe, +another layer of felt was then applied, and +over this was riveted tough sheets of iron. +With this metal casing her stem was complete. +At her stern, as she stood thus out of +water, we had an excellent opportunity of +inspecting the screw by which she was to be +impelled. This was of a brazen compound +metal prepared with a view to great strength +and toughness; but as its blows upon the +stray floating ice might injure it, another +screw of iron was on board to replace it +should it be broken when out of reach of +dockyard help. Having passed round the +vessel, and looked up at her huge bulging +sides, we ascended the stone steps, and walking +along a plank from the dock side, boarded +the ‘Pioneer,’ to see—after such outside preparations—what +care had been taken with +the inside of the ship. It was soon evident +that the felting and planking of the exterior +had been matched by a similar felting and +planking of the interior; with this difference, +that inside the felt was untarred. These +additions to the thickness of her sides to +make her firm and warm, had been followed +by another contrivance, to give her still +further ability to withstand any crushing +weight she might have to endure. Strong +beams had been placed aslant, from her keel +and her decks, outwards and upwards towards +her sides; and lastly, her decks had been +doubled; so that, thus secured, she became +almost as capable of resisting outward +pressure as a solid block of oak. Having +thus strengthened this floating fortress against +the fierce assaults of the Giant Frost, we +turned to look how they had stored it to +withstand the beleaguering siege of—it may +be—a two or three years’ Arctic winter. +Here we found an ample field for wonder +and admiration. Surely human ingenuity +and ships’ stowage were never better displayed. +Every inch of space had been made +the most of. In the centre of the vessel were +her engines, cased round with iron, so that +outside them could be stowed away no less +than 85 tons of patent compressed fuel to +feed the fires. Thus surrounded, the engines +were literally bedded in a small coal-mine, +for their own consumption.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The danger to be apprehended from the +close contiguity of so much combustible material +to the engine-fire is obviated, in case of +accident, by eight pumps on the decks and +two patent pumps below, besides others in +the engine-rooms. There are fourteen pumps +altogether, which can be handled in case of +fire or leakage. Some of these are worked by +the engine, some are placed in warm berths +below, so that the men may have exercise at +them without exposure on deck. Nearly all +these pumps work independently of each +other, so that if one is deranged, it does not +hurt the rest.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The question as to how the ship is to be kept +warm?—was answered by our being conducted +deep down into the hold; there we found a +patent stove, so constructed that pure air was +admitted by pipes to its neighbourhood, and +being heated there was passed through other +pipes through all parts of the ship, until +having lost much of its heat and more of its +purity, it was allowed to escape, and was replaced +by another stream of pure air to be +warmed, and used and replaced again; so on +from day to day while the ships remained in +the ice. This warming apparatus, the 85 tons +of fuel, the four years’ provisions, and the +Bolton and Watt’s engines occupied, in spite +of the most perfect stowage, so much room, +that it was puzzle to know where the water +was stowed.</p> + +<p class='c005'>It was, however, explained that 85 tons of +coal round the engine is not all that must go. +The ship will take 200 tons of coal altogether, +but won’t want much water room, for along +with the engine is a contrivance for melting +ice for use whilst the ships are locked in.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The salt sea there is a surface of ice that +comes direct from Heaven. The snow is not +salted, and the fires will melt the snow-made-ice +for the ship’s use.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Having learned all these particulars as to +the essentials of warm air, and good water, +and having heard an account of the four +years’ provisions, with a certainty that there +was a still further supply near the Copper +Mine River in case of need: and having learned +also that the doctors had got ample supplies +of lime-juice and lemon-juice to keep off the +scurvy, and that they had mixed it with +<span class='pageno' id='Page_182'>182</span>alcohol to render it less liable to freeze; having +seen, too, that the purser, thoughtful man, had +not forgotten to order in some sound-looking +casks of pale sherry, and some cases that had +an agreeable champagney French look, and +these sights having strengthened the hope that +the brave men who were to take these ships on +their perilous duty would have their hearts +warmed by a glass of generous wine when they +drank to absent friends next Christmas Day—we +had time to glance over what may be called +the miscellaneous stores for the voyage. These +made a picture, indeed. Everything of every +possible kind seemed to be there, and to have +been multiplied by two. Thus there were two +screw propellers, and two rudders, and two +funnels. And then there were certainly twice +two dozen ice-saws (with teeth an inch long +and handles eight feet wide), and ice-hatchets +enough apparently to slay any number of +Polar bears who might feel inclined to call +upon this ‘Pioneer’ during his visit to their +neighbourhood. Between decks the place +looked like a mingled establishment made up +of a rope-walk, a sailmaker’s, a currier’s, a +brushmaker’s, a dreadnought clothier’s, a +cooper’s, and a very extensive oil and colour +warehouse. There were certainly goods +enough pertaining to all these various trades +to set up one man of each with an abundant +stock in any street in Bermondsey he might +select. Over head, there was a ceiling of oars +and spare spars, and handspikes, and capstan-bars; +at the sides, rows of blocks, and +lanthorns, and cans, and paint-brushes; and +under-foot, bars of iron cased with neatly-sewed +leather. This last peculiarity, indeed, +was observable in many parts of the ship. +Wherever there was any iron it was neatly +cased over with leather, to secure those who +might have to handle it in the Polar seas from +the well-known consequences of touching +naked iron in those latitudes,—for cold iron +there, like red-hot iron elsewhere, damages +the fingers of those rash enough to touch it.</p> + +<p class='c005'>This abundance to overflow of stores extended +itself even to the commander’s cabin, +for every inch of space was important. That +spot, however, showed no confusion or cramming, +though he had near him two of the most +dangerous commodities in his ship,—underneath +his <i>sanctum</i> was a store of ardent spirits, +and astern of it a small magazine of gunpowder.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The engines of the ‘Pioneer’ are 60-horse +power, and as she now is she will not run very +fast without her sails, but with wind and +steam she will make eleven knots an hour. +The two steamers—the ‘Pioneer’ and the ‘Intrepid’—are +to go as tenders to the sailing +ships, and to tow them in the still waters at +the Pole, for there when there is no wind +there are no waves.</p> + +<p class='c005'>We left the ‘Pioneer’ to look over her companion +ships. The ‘Intrepid’ was being +arranged on the same system; the others, the +‘Assistance’ and the ‘Resolute,’ were afloat +at the dock side, and, being sailing ships, had +of course none of their space filled by engines, +and, therefore, seemed rather more roomy. +Yet, having seen one Arctic ship, we had +seen the whole. We heard of gutta-percha +sledges to be used on the ice, and of small +pilot balloons to be inflated and sent over the +frozen regions of the Pole, and which, as +they float in the air, are to drop printed +slips—words of hope and news of succour—in +anticipation that some of these paper messages +may reach the frozen-in, lost, mariners, +Sir John Franklin and his crew. We heard, +also, that the sailing ships would each have a +crew of about sixty-five men, and the steamers +each about twenty-five, including others. But +every one was so busy on board these sailing +ships, and their work was so holy in its intent, +that we were unwilling to disturb either +officer or man with many questions; and so +made our way again London-wards.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The last thing we noticed on board these +Arctic ships was an inscription that glittered +in the sunshine of that April afternoon, for +the words were carved in letters of brass on +the steersman’s wheel that is to guide the +vessels on their perilous way. And our last +feeling was that the hope contained in the +words would be realised. The words so +written are:—<span class='sc'>England expects every Man +to do his Duty.</span></p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c003'>THE MINER’S DAUGHTERS.—A TALE OF THE PEAK.</h2> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c001'> + <div>IN THREE CHAPTERS.</div> + </div> +</div> + +<h3 class='c010'><span class='c011'>CHAPTER III.</span><br> THE COURTSHIP AND ANOTHER SHIP.</h3> + +<p class='c012'>One evening, as the two sisters were +hastening along the road through the woods +on their way homewards, a young farmer +drove up in his spring-cart, cast a look at +them, stopped, and said: ‘Young women, if +you are going my way, I shall be glad of +your company. You are quite welcome to +ride.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The sisters looked at each other. ‘Dunna +be afreed,’ said the young farmer; ‘my name’s +James Cheshire. I’m well known in these +parts; you may trust yersens wi’ me, if it’s +agreeable.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>To James’s surprise, Nancy said, ‘No, sir, +we are not afraid; we are much obliged to +you.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The young farmer helped them up into the +cart, and away they drove.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I’m afraid we shall crowd you,’ said Jane.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Not a bit of it,’ replied the young farmer. +‘There’s room for three bigger nor us on this +seat, and I’m no ways tedious.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The sisters saw nothing odd in his use of +the word ‘tedious,’ as strangers would have +done; they knew it merely meant ‘not at all +particular.’ They were soon in active talk. +As he had told them who he was, he asked +them in their turn if they worked at the +<span class='pageno' id='Page_183'>183</span>mills there. They replied in the affirmative, +and the young man said:—</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I thought so. I’ve seen you sometimes +going along together. I noticed you because +you seemed so sisterly like, and you are sisters, +I reckon.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>They said ‘Yes.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I’ve a good spanking horse, you seen,’ +said James Cheshire. ‘I shall get over th’ +ground rayther faster nor you done a-foot, +eh? My word, though, it must be nation +cold on these bleak hills i’ winter.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The sisters assented, and thanked the young +farmer for taking them up.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘We are rather late,’ said they, ‘for we +looked in on a friend, and the rest of the mill-hands +were gone on.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well,’ said the young farmer, ‘never mind +that. I fancy Bess, my mare here, can go a +little faster nor they can. We shall very +likely be at Tidser as soon as they are.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘But you are not going to Tidser,’ said +Jane, ‘your farm is just before us there.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Yay, I’m going to Tidser though. I’ve a +bit of business to do there before I go hom.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>On drove the farmer at what he called a +spanking rate; presently they saw the young +mill-people on the road before them.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘There are your companions,’ said James +Cheshire, ‘we shall cut past them like a flash +of lightning.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Oh,’ exclaimed Jane Dunster, ‘what will +they say at seeing us riding here?’ and she +blushed brightly.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Say?’ said the young farmer, smiling, +‘never mind what they’ll say; depend upon +it, they’d like to be here theirsens.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>James Cheshire cracked his whip. The +horse flew along. The party of the young +mill-hands turned round, and on seeing Jane +and Nancy in the cart, uttered exclamations +of surprise.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘My word, though!’ said Mary Smedley, a +fresh buxom lass, somewhat inclined to +stoutness.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well, if ever!’ cried smart little Hannah +Bowyer.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Nay, then, what next?’ said Tetty Wilton, +a tall, thin girl of very good looks.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The two sisters nodded and smiled to their +companions; Jane still blushing rosily, but +Nancy sitting as pale and as gravely as if +they were going on some solemn business.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The only notice the farmer took was to +turn with a broad smiling face, and shout to +them, ‘Wouldn’t you like to be here too?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Ay, take us up,’ shouted a number of +voices together; but the farmer cracked his +whip, and giving them a nod and a dozen +smiles in one, said, ‘I can’t stay. Ask the +next farmer that comes up.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>With this they drove on; the young farmer +very merry and full of talk. They were soon +by the side of his farm. ‘There ’s a flock of +sheep on the turnips there,’ he said, proudly; +‘they’re not to be beaten on this side Ashbourne. +And there are some black oxen, +going for the night to the straw-yard. Jolly +fellows, those—eh? But I reckon you don’t +understand much of farming stock?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘No,’ said Jane, and was again surprised at +Nancy adding, ‘I wish we did. I think a +farmer’s life must be the very happiest of any.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘You think so?’ said the farmer, turning +and looking at her earnestly, and evidently +with some wonder. ‘You are right,’ said he. +‘You little ones are knowing ones. You are +right; it’s the life for a king.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>They were at the village. ‘Pray stop,’ +said Jane, ‘and let us get down. I would not +for the world go up the village thus. It +would make such a talk!’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Talk, who cares for talk?’ said the farmer; +‘won’t the youngsters we left on the road +talk?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Quite enough,’ said Jane.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘And are <i>you</i> afraid of talk?’ said the +farmer to Nancy.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I’m not afraid of it when I don’t provoke +it wilfully,’ said Nancy; ‘but we are poor +girls, and can’t afford to lose even the good +word of our acquaintance. You’ve been very +kind in taking us up on the road, but to drive +us to our door would cause such wonder as +would perhaps make us wish we had not been +obliged to you.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Blame me, if you arn’t right again!’ said +the young farmer, thoughtfully. ‘These are +scandal-loving times, and th’ neebors might +plague you. That’s a deep head of yourn, +though,—Nancy, I think your sister caw’d +you. Well, here I stop then.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>He jumped down and helped them out.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘If you will drive on first,’ said Jane, ‘we +will walk on after, and we are greatly obliged +to you.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Nay,’ said the young man, ‘I shall turn +again here.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘But you’ve business.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Oh! my business was to drive you here—that’s +all.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>James Cheshire was mounting his cart, +when Nancy stepped up, and said: ‘Excuse +me, Sir, but you’ll meet the mill-people on +your return, and it will make them talk all +the more as you have driven us past your +farm. Have you no business that you can do +in Tidser, Sir?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Gad! but thou’rt right again! Ay, I’ll +go on!’ and with a crack of his whip, and a +‘Good night!’ he whirled into the village +before them.</p> + +<p class='c005'>No sooner was he gone than Nancy, pressing +her sister’s arm to her side, said: ‘There’s +the right man at last, dear Jane.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘What!’ said Jane, yet blushing deeply +at the same time, and her heart beating +quicker against her side. ‘Whatever are +you talking of, Nancy? That young farmer +fall in love with a mill-girl?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘He’s done it,’ said Nancy; ‘I see it in +him. I feel it in him. And I feel, too, that +he is true and staunch as steel.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>Jane was silent. They walked on in silence. +<span class='pageno' id='Page_184'>184</span>Jane’s own heart responded to what Nancy +had said; she thought again and again on +what he said. ‘I have seen you sometimes;’ +‘I noticed you because you seemed so sisterly.’ +‘He must have a good heart,’ thought Jane; +but then he can never think of a poor mill-girl +like me.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The next morning they had to undergo +plenty of raillery from their companions. +We will pass that over. For several days, +as they passed to and fro, they saw nothing +of the young farmer. But one evening, as +they were again alone, having staid at the +same acquaintance’s as before, the young +farmer popped his head over a stone wall, +and said, ‘Good evening to you, young +women.’ He was soon over the wall, and +walked on with them to the end of the +town. On the Sunday at the chapel Jane saw +Nancy’s grave face fixed on some object +steadily, and, looking in the same direction, +was startled to see James Cheshire. Again +her heart beat pit-a-pat, and she thought +‘Can he really be thinking of me?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The moment chapel was over, James +Cheshire was gone, stopping to speak to no +one. Nancy again pressed the arm of Jane to +her side as they walked home, and said,—‘I +was not wrong.’ Jane only replied by +returning her affectionate pressure.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Some days after, as Nancy Dunster was +coming out of a shop in the evening after +their return home from the mill, James +Cheshire suddenly put his hand on her +shoulder, and, on her turning, shook her +hand cordially, and said, ‘Come along with +me a bit. I must have a little talk with you.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>Nancy consented without remark or hesitation. +James Cheshire walked on quickly +till they came near the fine old church which +strikes travellers as so superior to the place +in which it is located; when he slackened +his pace, and taking Nancy’s hand, began in +a most friendly manner to tell her how much +he liked her and her sister. That, to make a +short matter of it, as was his way, he had +made up his mind that the woman of all +others in the world that would suit him for +a wife was her sister. ‘But, before I said so +to her, I thought I would say so to you, +Nancy, for you are so sensible, I’m sure you +will say what is best for us all.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>Nancy manifested no surprise, but said +calmly: ‘You are a well-to-do farmer, Mr. +Cheshire. You have friends of property; my +sister, and—’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Ay, and a mill-girl; I know all that. I’ve +thought it all over, and so far you are right +again, my little one. But just hear what +I’ve got to say. I’m no fool, though I say +it. I’ve an eye in my head and a head on my +shoulders, eh?’</p> + +<p class='c005'>Nancy smiled.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well now, it’s not <i>any</i> mill-girl; mind +you, it’s not <i>any</i> mill-girl; no, nor perhaps +another in the kingdom, that would do for +me. I don’t think mill-girls are in the main +cut out for farmers’ wives, any more than +farmers’ wives are fit for mill-girls; but you +see, I’ve got a notion that your sister is not +only a very farrantly lass, but that she’s one +that has particular good sense, though not so +deep as you, Nancy, neither. ‘Well, I’ve a +notion she can turn her hand to anything, +and that she’s a heart to do it, when it’s a +duty. Isn’t that so, eh? And if it is so, +then Jane Dunster’s the lass for me; that is, +if it’s quite agreeable.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>Nancy pressed James Cheshire’s hand, and +said, ‘You are very kind.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Not a bit of it,’ said James.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well,’ continued Nancy; ‘but I would +have you to consider what your friends will +say; and whether you will not be made +unhappy by them.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Why, as to that,’ said James Cheshire, +interrupting her, ‘mark me, Miss Dunster. +I don’t ask my friends for anything. I can +farm my own farm; buy my own cattle; +drive my spring-cart, without any advice or +assistance of theirs; and therefore I don’t +think I shall ask their advice in the matter of +a wife, eh? No, no, on that score I’m made +up. My name’s Independent, and, at a word, +the only living thing I mean to ask advice of +is yourself. If you, Miss Dunster, approve +of the match, it’s settled, as far I’m concerned.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Then so far,’ said Nancy, ‘as you and my +sister are concerned, without reference to +worldly circumstances—I approve it with all +my heart. I believe you to be as good and +honest as I know my sister to be. Oh! Mr, +Cheshire! she is one of ten thousand.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Well, I was sure of it;’ said the young +farmer; ‘and so now you must tell your sister +all about it; and if all’s right, chalk me a +white chalk inside of my gate as you go past +i’ th’ morning, and to-morrow evening I’ll +come up and see you.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>Here the two parted with a cordial shake +of the hand. The novel signal of an accepted +love was duly discovered by James Cheshire +on his gate-post, when he issued forth at daybreak, +and that evening he was sitting at tea +with Jane and Nancy in the little cottage, +having brought in his cart a basket of eggs, +apples, fresh butter, and a pile of the richest +pikelets (crumpets), country pikelets, very +different to town-made ones, for tea.</p> + +<p class='c005'>We need not follow out the courtship of +James Cheshire and Jane Dunster. It was +cordial and happy. James insisted that both +the sisters should give immediate notice to +quit the mill-work, to spare themselves the +cold and severe walks which the winter now +occasioned them. The sisters had improved +their education in their evenings. They were +far better read and informed than most +farmer’s daughters. They had been, since +they came to Tideswell, teachers in the Sunday-school. +There was comparatively little to be +learned in a farm-house for the wife in winter, +and James Cheshire therefore proposed to the +<span class='pageno' id='Page_185'>185</span>sisters to go for three months to Manchester +into a wholesale house, to learn as much as +they could of the plain sewing and cutting +out of household linen. The person in question +made up all sorts of household linen, +sheets, pillow-cases, shirts, and other things; +in fact, a great variety of articles. Through +an old acquaintance he got them introduced +there, avowedly to prepare them for housekeeping. +It was a sensible step, and answered +well. At spring, to cut short opposition from +his own relatives, which began to show itself, +for these things did not fail to be talked of, +James Cheshire got a license, and proceeding +to Manchester, was then and there married, +and came home with his wife and sister.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The talk and gossip which this wedding +made all round the country, was no little; +but the parties themselves were well satisfied +with their mutual choice, and were happy. +As the spring advanced, the duties of the +household grew upon Mrs. Cheshire. She +had to learn the art of cheese-making, butter-making, +of all that relates to poultry, calves, +and household management. But in these +matters she had the aid of an old servant +who had done all this for Mr. Cheshire, since +he began farming. She took a great liking to +her mistress, and showed her with hearty +good-will how everything was done; and as +Jane took a deep interest in it, she rapidly +made herself mistress of the management of +the house, as well as of the house itself. +She did not disdain, herself, to take a hand at +the churn, that she might be familiar with +the whole process of butter-making, and all +the signs by which the process is conducted +to a successful issue. It was soon seen that +no farmer’s wife could produce a firmer, +fresher, sweeter pound of butter. It was +neither <i>swelted</i> by too hasty churning, nor +spoiled, as is too often the case, by the buttermilk +or by water being left in it, for want of +well kneading and pressing. It was deliciously +sweet, because the cream was carefully +put in the cleanest vessels and well attended +to. Mrs. Cheshire, too, might daily be seen +kneeling by the side of the cheese-pan, separating +the curd, taking off the whey, filling +the cheese-vat with the curd, and putting the +cheese herself into press. Her cheese-chamber +displayed as fine a set of well-salted, well-coloured, +well-turned and regular cheeses as +ever issued from that or any other farm-house.</p> + +<p class='c005'>James Cheshire was proud of his wife; +and Jane herself found a most excellent helper +in Nancy. Nancy took particularly to housekeeping; +saw that all the rooms were exquisitely +clean; that everything was in nice +repair; that not only the master and mistress, +but the servants had their food prepared +in a wholesome and attractive manner. The +eggs she stored up; and as fruit came into +season, had it collected for market, and for a +judicious household use. She made the tea +and coffee morning and evening, and did +everything but preside at the table. There +was not a farm-house for twenty miles round +that wore an air of so much brightness and +evident good management as that of James +Cheshire. For Nancy, from the first moment +of their acquaintance, he had conceived a +most profound respect. In all cases that +required counsel, though he consulted freely +with his wife, he would never decide till they +had had Nancy’s opinion and sanction.</p> + +<p class='c005'>And James Cheshire prospered. But, +spite of this, he did not escape the persecution +from his relations that Nancy had foreseen. +On all hands he found coldness. None +of them called on him. They felt scandalised +at his <i>evening</i> himself, as they called it, to a +mill-girl. He was taunted when they met at +market, with having been caught with a +pretty face; and told that they thought he +had had more sense than to marry a dressed +doll with a witch by her side.</p> + +<p class='c005'>At first James Cheshire replied with a +careless waggery, ‘The pretty face makes +capital butter, though, eh? The dressed doll +turns out a tolerable dairy, eh? Better,’ +added James, ‘than a good many can, that I +know, who have neither pretty faces, nor +have much taste in dressing to crack of.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The allusion to Nancy’s dwarfish plainness +was what peculiarly provoked James Cheshire. +He might have laughed at the criticisms on +his wife, though the envious neighbours’ +wives did say that it was the old servant and +not Mrs. Cheshire who produced such fine +butter and cheese; for wherever she appeared, +spite of envy and detraction, her lovely person +and quiet good sense, and the growing rumour +of her good management, did not fail to produce +a due impression. And James had +prepared to laugh it off: but it would not do. +He found himself getting every now and then +angry and unsettled by it. A coarse jest on +Nancy at any time threw him into a desperate +fit of indignation. The more the superior +merit of his wife was known, the more seemed +to increase the envy and venom of some of +his relatives. He saw, too, that it had an +effect on his wife. She was often sad, and +sometimes in tears.</p> + +<p class='c005'>One day when this occurred, James Cheshire +said, as they sat at tea, ‘I’ve made up my +mind. Peace in this life is a jewel. Better +is a dinner of herbs with peace, than a stalled +ox with strife. Well now, I’m determined +to have peace. Peace and luv,’ said he, +looking affectionately at his wife and Nancy, +‘peace and luv, by God’s blessing, have +settled down on this house; but there are +stings here and stings there, when we go out +of doors. We must not only have peace and +luv in the house, but peace all round it. So +I’ve made up my mind. I’m for America!’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘For America!’ exclaimed Jane. ‘Surely +you cannot be in earnest.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I never was more in earnest in my life,’ +said James Cheshire. It is true I do very +well on this farm here, though it’s a cowdish +<span class='pageno' id='Page_186'>186</span>situation; but from all I can learn, I can do +much better in America. I can there farm +a much better farm of my own. We can have +a much finer climate than this Peak country, +and our countrymen still about us. Now, I +want to know what makes a man’s native land +pleasant to him?—the kindness of his relations +and friends. But then, if a man’s relations +are not kind?—if they get a conceit into them, +that because they are relations they are to +choose a man’s wife for him, and sting him +and snort at him because he has a will of his +own?—why, then I say, God send a good big +herring-pool between me and such relations! +My relations, by way of showing their natural +affection, spit spite and bitterness. You, dear +wife and sister, have none of yourn to spite +you. In the house we have peace and luv. +Let us take the peace and luv, and leave the +bitterness behind.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>There was a deep silence.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘It is a serious proposal,’ at length said +Jane, with tears in her eyes.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘What says Nancy?’ asked James.</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘It is a serious proposal,’ said Nancy, ‘but it +is good. I feel it so.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>There was another deep silence; and James +Cheshire said, ‘Then it is decided.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Think of it,’ said Jane earnestly,—‘think +well of it.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘I have thought of it long and well, my +dear. There are some of these chaps that call +me relation that I shall not keep my hands +off, if I stay amongst them,—and I fain would. +But for the present I will say no more; but,’ +added he, rising and bringing a book from his +desk, ‘here is a book by one Morris Birkbeck, +—read it, both of you, and then let me know +your minds.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The sisters read. On the following Lady-day, +James Cheshire had turned over his +farm advantageously to another, and he, his +wife, Nancy, and the old servant, Mary Spendlove, +all embarked at Liverpool, and transferred +themselves to the United States, and +then to the State of Illinois. Five-and-twenty +years have rolled over since that day. We +could tell a long and curious story of the fortunes +of James Cheshire and his family: from +the days when, half repenting of his emigration +and his purchase, he found himself in +a rough country, amid rough and spiteful +squatters, and lay for months with a brace of +pistols under his pillow, and a great sword by +his bedside for fear of robbery and murder. +But enough, that at this moment, James +Cheshire, in a fine cultivated country, sees his +ample estate cultivated by his sons, while as +Colonel and Magistrate he dispenses the law +and receives the respectful homage of the +neighbourhood. Nancy Dunster, now styled +Mrs. Dunster, the Mother in Israel—the promoter +of schools and the councillor of old and +young—still lives. Years have improved +rather than deteriorated her short and stout +exterior. The long exercise of wise thoughts +and the play of benevolent feelings, have given +even a sacred beauty to her homely features. +The dwarf has disappeared, and there remains +instead, a grave but venerable matron,—honoured +like a queen.</p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c003'>LETTER FROM A HIGHLY RESPECTABLE OLD LADY.</h2> +</div> + +<p class='c004'>Gracious, Mr. Conductor (which is like an +omnibus) what a nice new journal you have +got! And ‘Household Words’ too; <i>that’s</i> +what I like! I’ve often thought that if the +world could hear <i>my</i> household words, some +people would be wiser for them. Sir, if you +are not above receiving advice and information +from an old woman, I will give you +some. I will just chatter to you as I do to +the boys and girls down in my part of the +country here, without any ceremony. I have +bought two pens and a quire of paper, and +I’ll write down a few things; but my spectacles +are bad, and my pen is not over steady.</p> + +<p class='c005'>I may observe, in limmony, that you will +soon discover me to be a well edicated woman. +I have lived a long life, and have always +picked up knowledge fast, taking four meals +of it a day. Especially, you will find that my +medical attainments are considerable. I’m +not one of your women who go costing their +husbands a whole till-full of money every +year for doctor’s bills. As a mother of a +family—and—though you wouldn’t believe +it, Mr. Editor, if you was to look at me—I’ve +had as many as eighteen,—I felt it my duty, +as the mother of a family, to acquire the +knowledge that was necessary for the preservation +of my children’s lives. I have bought +or borrowed a large number of medical books, +and studied them so well, that if the dear +children had been spared me long enough,—whereas +thirteen died young, and one an +infant, which was quite owing to the nurse +having forgot to give it its Godfrey three +nights running,—if they had all lived, I should +have been surrounded by a very healthy +family, and they would have owed to me, +every one of them, their blooming looks. Of +the five that survive, Edward is delicate, and +Tom is rather daft, but the other three are in +strong health, and prove what a blessing it +was their mother took such care of them.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Some one of you gentlemen has been a +writing about Lucifer-matches. Lucifers, +indeed! Is that your improvement of the +people? Yah! If folks were wise they +would send Lucifer his matches back, and +not be indebted to him any longer for them. +None of us ever lost our jawbones over a +tinder-box in my young days. But you must +have improvements. Don’t you know that you +pay for civilisation with health. Look at me. +I am eighty-two; but we used flint and steel +when I was young. Turn to the British and +Foreign Medical Review of a few years ago, +there you will see what I mean. There’s +an account in it, of the new disease begotten +by lucifer-matches; by the phosphorus. It’s +<span class='pageno' id='Page_187'>187</span>this: a worker in the manufactory has a +hollow tooth, it generally begins there, resembles +tooth-ache; then there is inflammation +about it; the periosteum of the lower jaw +becomes inflamed; the bone dies: a man is +recorded to have picked his lower jawbone +out of his chin as we pulled winkles out of +their shells, when winkles were eaten, in the +good old times. It’s true that forewarned is +forearmed. Great care is taken in lucifer +factories on a large scale; those who work +over the phosphorus have their mouths +shielded, I believe, and so on: but then, +what a thing it is! Here’s your march +of improvement! A new luxury, a new +disease.</p> + +<p class='c005'>You have been looking over Water-works; +isn’t beer good enough for the folks now-a-days? +To be sure one cannot wash in beer, +but it’s not much need one has for washing. +I saw a little boy the other day, bothering +about a cabstand; he wanted a bucket of +water, but the tap was locked—and could be +unlocked only for the horses. He said there +was no water in his alley, and he looked as if +there were no water in the world. I gave +him twopence to go and buy a pint of beer, +and went on, feeling that I had done a charitable +action. Water indeed! Don’t you think, +Mr. Conductor, that some of you reformers +carry the thing a little bit too far? I wrote +the other day to a grandson of mine, he sets +up for a sanitary reformer, and because I was +angry at a little rapscallion who stole three +pounds of Wiltshire bacon (a nice lean piece) +from my kitchen dresser, what does he write +and say? I know what I wrote and said in +answer very well. <i>He</i> never darkens my doors +again, and it’s 2000<i>l.</i> he will be out of pocket +one of these days. I’ll just copy his impudence. +He says—</p> + +<p class='c005'>‘Let it be supposed, grandmother, that you +were born in one of the thousand London +alleys; that you were nursed with milk and +opiates by a mother able or willing to pay +small attention to your wants. Your first +recollection is of having ‘scalled head,’ a +disgusting skin disease, begotten among dirt, +with which poor ragged children are infested. +Then you remember the death of a brother +who was your baby playmate. He died of a +fever. You remember other deaths, and how +you pondered much in a child’s way, while +playing with a pool of filth, upon this fever, +what it was. You remember the pool in your +undrained alley, when it was not quite so bad +as it is now. You remember how you laboured +three times a week, when water was turned on +for two hours at the common tap, how you +laboured for your mother to supply her want +of it, and came with your bucket into competition +with the tenants of the other houses, +all eager to lay in a stock. You remember +how you enjoyed a wash when you could get +it; how you saw your mother strive to wash +a tub full of linen in a pipkin full of water, +and the precious juice then could not be +thrown away until you had aided her attempt +to scrub the floors with it. You remember +how your father died of a fever, and you +slept so near his corpse that when you were +restless in the night once, you were awakened +by your hand touching upon its cold face. +You remember how your mother moaned by +day, and how you heard her sob in the night +season. So much, that now and then you +went to kiss her. You remember when your +elder sister drowned herself, nobody ever told +you why;—you think you know why. How +your mother went out, when she could, for a +day’s work, but was too ragged and too dirty +to find many patrons. How she took to gin-drinking, +lost her old love for you, and her +old memories. How you wished that you +could find employment, but could find none +for the ragged little wretch. How you begged +some pence, and bought some oranges, and +prayed to God that you might be honest in a +trade however small. How you were taken +by a policeman before a magistrate, who said +that he must put you down. How you were +sent to prison, and came out shaking your +little fists against Society, who made you be +the dirty thief you are.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>There! I can’t copy any more for rage. +There’s a fellow, to address a woman of my +years! But he’ll live to repent it, Sir, when +I am dead and gone. My hand shakes so +after copying this insolence, that I can’t hold +my pen any more to-day; besides, it has got +bad, and there is nobody now here to mend +it. I should like my letter to be put first in +your next number; let it have large print +and a great many capitals.</p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c003'>A SAMPLE OF THE OLD SCHOOL.</h2> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c001'> + <div>BY AN OLD BOY.</div> + </div> +</div> + +<p class='c004'>All the particulars of the ensuing narration +are strictly matters of fact, except the +proper names of places and persons, as we +used to say at Rood Priory, better known, in +its time, as Roberts’s, better still as Old Bob’s; +the Establishment for Young Gentlemen—much +as Old Bob would have been enraged +to hear it called so—which I am about to +describe.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Rood Priory was so called from standing +near the site of that monastery. Though +really a private school, it was conducted after +the manner of a public one. Situated in the +same Cathedral Town with the College of +St. Joseph, it maintained, indeed, a sort of +rivalry with that foundation. I was sent to +Rood Priory—or Old Bob’s—about twenty-four +years ago. The school had then been +kept by Old Bob for, I suppose, half a century, +and had existed long before. Old Bob’s +was one of those genuine specimens of the +good old school, in which scarcely anything +whatever was taught except the Latin and +Greek languages; and they were inculcated +principally by the rod. Its scholars, when +first I became one of them, mustered nearly a +<span class='pageno' id='Page_188'>188</span>hundred; their number had been greater still. +The youngest of us were not more than five +or six years old; some of the eldest were +verging upon twenty, and might have shaved +without affectation. We were divided into +six classes, or as we called them, Parts: of +which the sixth was the lowest. Our range +of study extended from the rudiments of +Latin, in the last Part, to Virgil, Horace, +Homer’s Odyssey and Iliad, Terence, and +Greek Tragedy, in the second and first. The +first was also called the senior Part. It was +allowed various peculiar privileges, and its +members, the senior boys, were never flogged, +except for high crimes and misdemeanors. +They were a sort of monitors, and had to keep +order in the school and dining-hall; duties +which devolved on them by turns. In fact, +Old Bob made them act as his police. The +first four Parts did Latin verses, to the composition +of which the greater portion of two +days in each week was devoted. The general +impression at Rood Priory was that Latin +versification was the highest possible achievement +of the human intellect. Annually, the +senior boys competed for a prize in Latin +Hexameters. The successful performances +were recited at our Public Speaking, which +took place at the close of the Midsummer +half year. Their Latinity was perfect for the +best of reasons; they were arrangements of +phrases which had been really penned by +Ovid and Virgil.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The native Muse was cultivated a little, +too. We were required to commit portions +of the ‘Elegant Extracts’ to memory: and the +senior boys also wrote English prize-poems, +which were clever imitations of the mannerisms +(only) of Pope and Dryden.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The ‘usual branches of a solid English +education’ were certainly in a rather stunted +condition at Old Bob’s. Arithmetic was +taught ostensibly; we had to write out a +given number of sums weekly, done by what +means no matter, in a book. One boy, I recollect, +by the particular request of his parents, +learned mathematics; that is to say, getting +Euclid’s propositions by rote. Geography +was sometimes mentioned among us—in connexion +with the Argonautic Expedition for +instance, or the Garden of the Hesperides. +English History we read in classes during the +fortnight before the vacations, Old Bob probably +conceiving it expedient that his scholars +should, if questioned by their friends on the +subject, appear to know that there was some +difference between William the Conqueror +and Oliver Cromwell. Sometimes Milton’s +Paradise Lost was substituted for our historical +reading, namely, for Goldsmith’s Abridgment. +We received rather less instruction +in Astronomy than may be presumed to have +fallen to the share of Galileo’s judges, and we +utterly ignored the use of any globes except +those in use at football and cricket. Some +few, at their friends’ express stipulation, +learned French, Drawing, and Dancing, on +sufferance, and grievously against the grain +of Old Bob, who considered that modern languages +and accomplishments could be acquired +during the holidays, or picked up in +after-life anyhow; and who suspected that +at Rood Priory they were mere pretexts for +shirking severer lessons. Certainly these +studies involved no whipping, and were interspersed +with considerable amusement, at the +expense of the French teacher at least, and +his countryman the dancing-master.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Our school-house was a large detached +building of red brick, slate-roofed, lighted by +tall round-arched windows, and entered by a +porch, in which vestibule to our Temple of +Learning inert or peccant neophytes were +castigated. The hall, or refectory, was also +detached. We slept, some at Old Bob’s +private residence, others in adjoining or adjacent +buildings connected with it. The schoolroom, +for about a fourth of its height, was +wainscoted with dark oak, richly carved with +names, each letter of which had been engraven +at the risk of a flagellation. The desks, similarly +adorned, extended on either side along +the wall at right angles with it, interrupted, +on that to the left of the entrance, by the two +fire-places, senior and junior. Everything +among us was thus distinguished; we had a +senior and junior field, or playground; a senior +and junior fives-court; and a senior, +secundus, and junior bridge on the river in +which we used to bathe. The boys of every +particular Part sat together; each had his +own private compartment of the desk, termed +his ‘scob.’ A list of the names of the occupants +of each desk, in the order of their rank, +was pasted on the wall over it. The junior, +that is the lowest, had the care of the lighting +materials, and was thence styled the ‘Candle-custos.’ +There were three seats for the masters; +one at the top of the school, another at the +bottom, and a third at the side, between the +two fire-places. They resembled Professors’ +chairs, and during lessons we were stationed +in front of them. A large time-piece above +the middle chair regulated our operations. +Down the whole length of the school, in front +of either series of desks, ran a form, the two +forms enabling us to be marshalled along +them, on occasion, in a couple of lines, leaving +an open space in the middle wherein Old Bob +could walk to and fro with his cane.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The order of things thus constituted was +governed supremely by the Reverend James +Roberts, M.A., Senior, otherwise Old Bob; +secondarily, by his son, the Rev. James +Roberts, M.A., Junior, behind his back called +James. In subordination to them we had +three other classical masters, and an English +master, as he was termed. The business of +the latter was to teach writing and arithmetic, +to call us of a morning, to distribute among +us our ‘battlings,’ or pocket-money, and to +summon us at the end of play-hours into +school. His hair was light and woolly, he +cleared his throat with a bleating noise before +<span class='pageno' id='Page_189'>189</span>he spoke, he had a grave sleepy expression, +and prominent teeth; and, of course, we called +him ‘Sheep.’ He was a very honest, worthy +fellow, but he talked fine; he could not sound +the letter h, nor utter a Greek or Latin word +without, if possible, making a false quantity; +his duties (being English) were looked upon +as rather menial, and the science which he professed +was accounted mercantile and vulgar; +wherefore, on the whole, our somewhat aristocratic +community despised this excellent +gentleman very much.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Old Bob, in the face, was rather like +Socrates: in form, save as to the shoulders, +he strongly resembled Punch. His similitude, +however, to the sage, was merely physiognomical, +unless the ability to have disputed with +him in his own vernacular may be added to it. +He was intimately versed in what are termed +the liberal sciences, though I doubt if, in his +case, they had the mollifying effect ascribed +to them in the Eton Latin Grammar. With no +other kind of science was he acquainted, except +that of managing his own affairs. In this, +truly, he was a tolerable proficient, and had +made money by his school. But if his acquirements +were limited, they were sound; +and his intellect, though not comprehensive, +was strong. He would sometimes say to a +clever but eccentric boy—for he used to thee-and-thou +us like a Quaker—‘Thou hast every +sense, my boy, but common sense.’ Of this +faculty, in a practical acceptation, he possessed +a fair share himself. Old Bob had a fine sense +of justice, too, in his way, and he administered +his flogging system reasonably and equitably—as +far as rationality or equity were consistent +with such a system. There was also not +a little benevolence in Old Bob’s composition. +It is true that his eyes could not help twinkling +when he caught a boy in any mischief, +and contrived, to hit him, neatly, on a tense +and sensitive part. But I do not think that +he flogged principally, or in very great measure, +for the love of flogging. He had a traditional +belief in the virtues of the rod. He +looked upon birch as a necessary stimulant, +not knowing that stimulants, whether in the +mental or animal economy, are not ordinarily +necessary. Then, on the other hand, he was +very attentive to the health and comfort of +his boys. He took especial care that our meat +and other provisions should be of the very +best kind; and if his scholars were well +flogged, they were also well fed and well +cared for.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Old Bob, when first I knew him, was nearly +eighty years of age, but hale and robust still. +Divers legends were extant respecting the +strong man whom he had knocked down in +his youth. He dressed the character of the +old schoolmaster, from the shovel-hat and +powdered bald head to the gaiters, as correctly +as if he had proposed to act it in a farce. +His voice, I may here remark, was much like +Mr. Farren’s in Sir Peter Teazle; only it was +slower, deeper, more powerful, and abounded +in strong and prolonged emphasis. He was +very fond of spouting—in an academical way—and +I think I see him now teaching us to +gesticulate, by putting himself in an attitude, +and giving us an idea of Cicero.</p> + +<p class='c005'>In general, Old Bob was good-tempered, +patient, and forbearing, not punishing without +fair warning, and then with deliberate dignity. +But on peculiar provocation, as by anything +like the exhibition of a mutinous spirit, especially +on the part of a big boy, he lost all control +of himself. His face grew pale, his eyes +twinkled ominously, he would puff his cheeks +out, and his whole form appeared actually to +swell. Then, pulling up his nether garments—a +habit with him when in a rage—and his voice +shaking with passion, he would exclaim, ‘Take +care, Sir. Let me not hear thee say that again. +If thou dost, I’ll whip thee. I’d whip thee +if thou wast as high as the house! I’d whip +thee if thou wast as big as Goliath!! I’d whip +thee if thou wast an angel from Heaven!!!’ +And it was generally understood among us +that he would have done it in either case.</p> + +<p class='c005'>A flogging at the hands of Old Bob was +ordinarily the consequence of a series of +offences or shortcomings. Sometimes a pupil, +often within a brief period, had been guilty of +a false concord or quantity. Sometimes he +had been caught out of bounds, or had in +some other way infringed Old Bob’s ordinances. +Sometimes he was denounced for +misconduct or idleness by one of the masters. +A very common case of punishment would +occur thus: Old Bob would suddenly call for +the ‘Classicus’ of a part which was under a +junior master. The ‘Classicus’ was a register +of our respective performances in learning. +The eye of Old Bob would light on a succession +of bad marks standing opposite the +name of some unlucky fellow. He then gradually +raised his eyebrows, and began to +whiff and whistle. Presently he repeated +the delinquent’s name aloud, and proceeded, +whistling and whiffing still at each word, to +read out the adjoined record, ‘Bradshaw!’ he +would cry; ‘Bradshaw!—Hi! hi! hi!—<i><span lang="la">Malè—malè—malè—mediocriter—malè—quam +pessimè—quam pessimè—quam pessimè</span></i>——I’ll +whip thee!’ And he put down the book, +and pushed his spectacles up on his forehead. +‘Bring me the rod!—Bradshaw!—Come +here to me, my worthy, good Sir. I’ll +<i>whip</i> thee. <i>I</i> will! Go into the porch!’ So +saying, he gave the culprit a shove at the nape +of the neck, which almost sent him sprawling +headlong. ‘Rod—boy—the rod! Jones—you—Brown +you—go in.’ These boys were to +keep the porch doors. ‘Robinson—go too.’ +The fourth boy was wanted to sustain the +drapery of the victim. ‘And here—you, Sir—Smith!—you—go +in as well.’ This last was +some youth who had been misbehaving himself +lately, and whom Old Bob compelled to +witness the infliction, that he might profit by +it in the way of example. They all went into +the porch, and Old Bob, hitching up his smallclothes, +<span class='pageno' id='Page_190'>190</span>followed. ‘My poor boy,’ Old Bob +would say, when he had got the criminal +‘hoisted,’ ‘I am sorry for thee. I told thee +how it would be. I said I would whip thee +if thou didst not behave better, and—<i>I will</i>.’ +Swish!</p> + +<p class='c005'>The chastisement generally lasted about +five minutes. Old Bob never inflicted more +than half-a-dozen stripes, but he waited a +considerable time between them, partly that +each might have its full effect, partly that he +might improve the occasion for the edification +of the other delinquent. ‘You’ll be the +next, Sir,’ he would tell the latter: ‘You’ll +be the next!’ A prediction usually soon +fulfilled.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Old Bob had a very high idea of the force +of example. Incredible as it may appear, it +is a fact that he would send a troublesome +pupil to see an execution. I once witnessed +his doing this. The boy in question, was incorrigibly +mischievous, and given to roguish +pranks. Addressing him by name, Old Bob +said, ‘There is a man to be hanged this morning. +Go and see him, my boy. Thou art a +bad boy, and it will do thee good. You,’—turning +to an elder boy,—‘you go with him +and take charge of him.’ Truly this was +carrying out the principle of the ‘good old +school.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>For high crimes and misdemeanours the +penalty was flogging in public. Swearing +and profanity were the chief of these. At +prayers we used to kneel along the two forms +in the middle of the school. The ‘candle-custodes’ +alone remained at their desks during +evening-prayer time. One of these young +gentlemen, once upon a night, got a copper cap, +and employed his devotional leisure in fixing +it on the head of a nail. The moment the +final ‘Amen’ was uttered, before we could +rise, he exploded the cap. The report was +terrific in the silence of the large schoolroom. +Old Bob insisted on the name of the transgressor +being surrendered, and flogged him +instantly on the spot. His rage on this +occasion was extreme, and was mingled with +a strange agitation. The next day this was +explained. ‘What was it thou didst let off +last night?’ demanded Old Bob of the +irreverent youth, who was one of his particularly +bad boys. ‘A percussion cap,’ was +the answer. ‘Per-per-what?’ ‘Percussion +cap, Sir.’ ‘Hum!’ said Old Bob, musingly, +‘I won’t expel thee <i>this</i> time, Sir,—I won’t +<i>expel</i> thee.’ He evidently did not know +what a percussion cap was, whilst, dimly understanding +that it was not exactly a firearm, +he seemed relieved from the suspicion +that his scholar had attempted his life.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Such implicit confidence had Old Bob in +birch, that he imagined he could absolutely +whip us up Parnassus, and he very often +flogged a boy for not being able to do his +verses. ‘I’ll make thee a poet, my boy,’ he +used to say, ‘or the rod shall.’ Flagellation +formed so essential a part of his system, that +he had a large quantity of birch-broom kept +constantly at hand in an old cabinet, which +may have belonged to the Monastery of Rood +itself. The rod-boy—one of the scholars appointed +to the office—not only ‘hoisted’ the +sufferer, and had the custody of the birch, +but also manufactured the rods: and soundly +was he drubbed by us, if he did not carefully +knock the buds out of them. I think James—who +shared the power of the scourge—insisted +that his rods should not be tampered +with. At any rate, the skin upon which he +operated looked afterwards as if it had received +a charge of small shot. Such correction, +it is obvious, might be repeated a little too +often; and it was a rule of Old Bob’s that no +boy should be flogged more than once a +week. Some, however, were flogged regularly +as the week came round. I recollect one boy +with whom this was the case for a long time: +owing, I believe, to his sheer inability to construe +Virgil. I heard of him in after-life; +oh, Heaven! such a stupid man!</p> + +<p class='c005'>A minor species of correction was inflicted +with the cane, generally on the hands. Old +Bob confined himself to two ‘spats’ on the +tips of the fingers; or, as he called them, +‘summits of the digits.’ In spite of the sufferer’s +attempts to dodge him, he generally +hit these sensitive points exactly, to his manifest +delight. James struck from four to six +blows across the palm with all his strength. +I have seen a little boy cast himself on the +floor and writhe in the agony of this torture.</p> + +<p class='c005'>James, at the time to which I am referring, +appeared to be upwards of fifty. Perhaps he +looked older than he was, through powdering +his hair. He was much more hasty and irascible +than his father. He punished violently +and promptly. Old Bob, on the other hand, +would sometimes say, ‘I won’t whip thee +now, my boy; but I <i>will</i> whip thee. Not +now—no. I’ll let it hang over thy head.’ +And so he did, occasionally, for some weeks; +and whipped him at last. James was rather +a better scholar, and somewhat worse informed +in other respects than Old Bob. He +had small regard for a plodding student, and +great partiality for anyone who could make +neat verses. It being a tenet with him that +not a moment should ever be wasted, he insisted +on our taking books into the hall to +read during meals. In conformity with this +principle, it was said that, having a benefice +in the neighbourhood at which he preached +weekly, he used to drive there, reading +Horace, with his whip stuck upright in his +vehicle. These itinerary studies ended, as +might have been foreseen, in a serious accident; +his horse running at its own sweet +will over a cow in the road, and spilling him. +He had a preposterous antipathy to the least +noise, and his appearance in the school produced +an awful silence immediately. James’s +greatest defect was the absolute dependence +which he placed on the word of the inferior +masters. In answer to a complaint from one +<span class='pageno' id='Page_191'>191</span>of them, unlike Old Bob, he would never hear +a boy speak, but punished him instantly. +Yet he was naturally of a kind disposition; +and his alacrity in flogging, arose partly from +impatience and irritability—partly from his +having been brought up in that faith.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The severities practised in Old Bob’s little +kingdom, were not unattended with the effects +which they sometimes have in larger monarchies. +We had an under-master, whom I +will call Bateson; a north-countryman, with +a disgusting brogue, only less repulsive than +his unwholesome looks and malicious temper. +He was continually—as though from a savage +delight—procuring some boy or other to be +punished. Not long before my time, his +conduct had created a regular rebellion. A +conspiracy, headed by the senior boys, was +formed against him. An opportunity was +taken one evening when he was alone in the +school. By an arrangement preconcerted with +the ‘candle-custodes,’ most of the lights were +extinguished. Books, ink-bottles, missiles of +all kinds, were flung at his head. The larger +boys set upon him and gave him a severe +beating. Had not the school-door, which +they had premeditatedly fastened, been forced +upon, there is no knowing to what extent +they would have maltreated him. As it was, +he was shockingly bruised and disfigured. +The expulsion of some of the ringleaders, +and the flogging of several of the other +rioters, was the issue of this transaction. +Bateson, untaught by what he had suffered, +continued to be as spiteful as ever. His delight +was to give us tasks beyond our ability, +that we might be chastised for not doing +them; and he stimulated our exertions by +menaces and abuse. Often did we vow to +thrash this dull spiteful pedant, if we caught +him anywhere after we should leave school; +and some of us, I think, had left it a pretty +long time before the resolution thus formed, +was abandoned.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Consistently enough with his notions about +the rod and the gallows, Old Bob not only +allowed, but encouraged his boys to settle +their disputes by fighting. After the battle +he usually enquired who was the aggressor; +and if Right had triumphed, he often gave +the victor a shilling. Two boys who, for +talking in the hall at breakfast, had been +made to stand on the form together, contrived +to quarrel while thus exalted, and came to +blows. Old Bob being present with his cane +(misdoers were commonly ‘given up’ to be +‘spatted’ at breakfast-time), rushed instantly +from his table to the scene of action. But +instead of using the instrument of correction +to visit this aggravated breach of discipline, +he actually employed it in keeping order +during the combat, forgetting the offence in +the delight which it afforded him. Our fistic +encounters were managed strictly in accordance +with the laws of the ‘noble art of self-defence.’ +They had the regular accessories of +seconds, and a ring, added to the superintendence +of ‘Sheep,’ and sometimes, too, the +paternal countenance of Old Bob himself! +They were divided into rounds, they lasted as +long as real prize-fights, and issued, mostly, in +similar results to the combatants, who generally +pummelled each other so severely that +they were forced to retire afterwards to the +sick-room. There, strangely enough, they +often became great friends. I recollect one +desperate contest occurring between the son +of a celebrated comic actor and a boy whose +family resided in the neighbourhood. The +spectators from the public road which skirted +the field—they were mostly farmers on horseback, +it being market-day—discovered who +were the combatants, and exhorted them by +name to ‘go it.’ The heroes, I think, fought +for upwards of an hour. Both were severely +punished—of course I do not mean by Old +Bob. On another occasion I was present when +a boy in fighting was knocked down. His +leg, as he fell, bent under him and was broken. +I heard the bone snap.</p> + +<p class='c005'>It will be inquired whether Old Bob’s +arrangements included anything that could +counteract, or modify, at least, the not very +humanising influences of his general system. +There was plenty of what is termed religious +instruction—mingled always with infusion of +birch. We had prayers morning and evening, +and a collect in the middle of the day read by +one of the senior boys; and as stripes would +have been the penalty of a smile, if discovered, +our devotions were characterised by great +decorum. Before and after dinner we had a +Latin grace, pronounced by a young gentleman +standing on a form, but a senior boy was +liable to be called upon to say it at his bodily +peril. The essential difference between the +two graces lay in the words ‘<i><span lang="la">sumus sumpturi</span></i>,’ +‘we are about to receive,’ and ‘<i><span lang="la">accepimus</span></i>,’ +‘we have received.’ As not all who could +repeat these words attended precisely to their +meaning, the distinction was occasionally disregarded, +with what consequences may be +imagined. Two boys, morning and evening, +each elevated on a desk, read a chapter in the +New Testament a-piece, as loud as they were +able, whilst Old Bob generally kept bidding +them to speak louder and slower. The rest +had to follow them—the higher Parts, in the +Latin and Greek Testament—and take up the +text when called on, under the usual liability. +It was sometimes a fearful thing to have to +read from the desk. St. Paul, in the Second +Epistle to Timothy, alludes to one Alexander +the Coppersmith. There was a ragamuffin +who used to hang about the field-palings, on +whom we had conferred this appellation, +which, consequently, to our mind had a most +ludicrous association. When the fatal name +was pronounced, every breath in the school +was held to stifle a laugh. Imagine the agony +of the unlucky boy obliged to read it in all +gravity, deliberately, and, as Old Bob required, +‘loud and slow.’</p> + +<p class='c005'>The loud and slow style of delivery was +<span class='pageno' id='Page_192'>192</span>especially insisted upon in our elocution. Old +Bob made all his boys recite. He caused the +speaker to mount a table at one end of the +schoolroom, he, Old Bob, sitting at the other. +The orator had first to perform a gymnastic +feat, consisting in putting himself in the first +position, and stooping till his fingers’ ends +nearly touched his instep—this was the Rood +Priory regulation-bow. He then made his +speech, lifting his arms up and down alternately, +which, if he failed to do with vigour, +Old Bob bellowed for ‘Action! Action!’ +The mounting on the table was intended to +cure us of bashfulness. On my first appearance +on that conspicuous altitude, my brain reeled, +and I was near falling off for very giddiness.</p> + +<p class='c005'>All this training was a preparation for the +public speaking already mentioned. We spoke +from a stage erected at the upper end of the +school. Our auditors at this exhibition were +our friends and the gentry of the neighbourhood. +We recited verses, such as ‘Hohenlinden,’ +and ‘The Burial of Sir John Moore,’ +‘Edward and Warwick,’ ‘Brutus and Cassius,’ +and divers scenes from other poets and +dramatists, ancient and modern. Whatever +was the character, the speaker appeared in +full dress. Once, the part of ‘Mawworm’ +was assigned to me. I enacted it with my +hair frizzled, in an olive coat, black waistcoat, +white trousers, silk stockings, and pumps.</p> + +<p class='c005'>The great attention paid by Old Bob to +our acting, seems to indicate that he supposed +we were, for the most part, intended for the +church, the bar, or political life. What opinion +then, of his system, are we to form, judged of +by its results? Did it contribute to the formation +of any great minds or distinguished +characters? At this moment I know of but +three persons of any eminence, pupils of his, +who have reflected credit upon their master. +One of these was a celebrated statesman, now +deceased, who, however, completed his education +at Eton. Another was a Greek scholar +of some repute, whether as yet surviving or +not, I am ignorant. The third is a living +ornament to his College. This last had a +natural aptitude for learning, and inasmuch +as he never needed the stimulus of the rod, +he cannot be considered indebted for his +attainments to that element in Old Bob’s +method of tuition. Not one single stupid or +even idle boy, within my experience, did Old +Bob with all his flogging improve in the least; +and his severities, I am sure, disgusted some, +possessed of good abilities, with study. For +my own part, I never was flogged; but the +fear of being so kept me continually in misery: +and as long as I was subject to it, hindered +my advancement, prevented me from learning +anything with pleasure, and caused me to +look upon my tasks as impositions, and to +perform them with ill will, in a sulky, perfunctory +manner. I shall never forget the +torment I suffered in cramming long lessons +in Greek Grammar, under terror of the rod. +Exert myself as I would, I could not get anything +dry well by rote; whereas, poetry, or +whatever else interested me, I remembered +without an effort. This was lucky for me; +my good performances were a set-off against +my bad. I knew then, as well as I know now, +how worse than foolish and idiotic was the +notion of whipping a boy into parrot-learning. +I perceived then as clearly as I see at this +present time, that memory is no single power +of the mind; that there is as much of feeling +in it as of intellect; that we best remember +the ideas which we delight to dwell upon; +and that the proper way of imparting knowledge +is to render it as pleasant as possible, or +if this cannot be done, to instil it by degrees: +to administer the medicine whose flavour +you cannot disguise, in minute doses. I say, +I knew all this: judge then with what different +sentiments from those presented in the +catechism, I, a boy, looked upon my pastors +and masters, who knew it not.</p> + +<p class='c005'>But I can speak positively as well as negatively +as to the efficacy of the flogging +system. I was fast sinking into despair of +my capacity, and arming myself with dogged +obstinacy against the consequences, when +Old Bob gave up the school. His former +pupil, the Statesman, during his brief tenure +of office, had secured him a prebendal stall. +Rood Priory then came under the sole management +of James, assisted by one of his brothers. +On his retirement, Old Bob wisely dismissed +Bateson, with whom he would not trust +James. As wisely, he engaged as second +master a teacher in every respect Bateson’s +opposite. This gentleman made our work as +easy to us as he could; his manner towards us +was kind and affectionate; he endeavoured to +interest us in our studies; and he urged us +to exertion by recommending proficiency for +reward, instead of giving up dulness for +punishment. Under this management, I, previously +considered a dunce, rose rapidly to the +first Part of the school; and my career terminated +in my writing the English Prize +Poem, a pretty good burlesque—though I intended +it seriously—on the more moody +portions of the writings of Lord Byron.</p> + +<p class='c005'>James did not preside over the concerns of +Rood Priory for more than a year-and-a-half. +At the end of that time he abdicated in +favour of his brother. But the latter was +quite incompetent to wield the rod of Old +Bob. He permitted a degree of license +among his subjects which soon demoralised +his empire. He then abruptly attempted to +restore discipline. The result was a rebellion. +His scholars combined against him in a regular +‘barring out.’ The mutiny was quelled, +and the principal insurgents were flogged. +But the affair became public, and fatally +damaged the school; which instantly fell off, +and, as certain writers phrase it, after a few +convulsive struggles, ceased to exist. And so +there was an end of Rood Priory; one of the +last, I am happy to believe, of the genuine +‘good old schools.’</p> +<div class='pbb'> + <hr class='pb c013'> +</div> +<div class='tnotes x-ebookmaker'> + +<div class='chapter ph2'> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c014'> + <div>TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES</div> + </div> +</div> + +</div> + + <ul class='ul_1 c001'> + <li>Fixed typos; non-standard spelling and dialect retained. + + </li> + <li>Renumbered footnotes. + </li> + </ul> + +</div> + +<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78173 ***</div> + </body> + <!-- created with ppgen.py 3.57i (with regex) on 2026-02-02 20:11:55 GMT --> +</html> |