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diff --git a/77633-0.txt b/77633-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c7becb2 --- /dev/null +++ b/77633-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3419 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 77633 *** + + + + +SERVANTS AND SERVICE. + + + + +[Illustration: THE GIRL’S OWN BOOKSHELF] + + + + + SERVANTS AND SERVICE. + + BY + RUTH LAMB, + + _Author of ‘Only a Girl Wife,’ ‘Girls’ Work and Workshops,’ + ‘One Little Vein of Dross,’ ‘Her Own Choice,’ etc., etc._ + + London: + THE RELIGIOUS TRACT SOCIETY, + 56, PATERNOSTER ROW; 65, ST. PAUL’S CHURCHYARD; + AND 164, PICCADILLY. + + + + + BUTLER & TANNER, + THE SELWOOD PRINTING WORKS, + FROME, AND LONDON. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +Some years have elapsed since these chapters on ‘Servants and Service’ +were first issued as a series in the _Girl’s Own Paper._ I have reason +to know, from many subsequent communications, that they have not been +written in vain, but have proved useful to, and been highly commended +alike by, mistresses and maids. Members of both classes have borne +testimony especially to the fairness with which a somewhat difficult +social question has been treated therein. + +Whilst rejoicing over the good results which have already followed the +serial publication of these papers, I hope and pray that their re-issue +as a volume may greatly increase their usefulness. + +I must not omit to mention that I am not the author of the appended +chapter, No. XI., on ‘The legal rights of employers and employed.’ It +contains most valuable information, but is contributed by a writer much +better informed on legal subjects than I can claim to be. + + RUTH LAMB. + + + + +CONTENTS. + + + CHAP. PAGE + + I. INTRODUCTORY 9 + + II. HONOURABLE SERVICE 20 + + III. ‘HAIR-SPLITTERS’ 32 + + IV. IN THE NURSERY 44 + + V. INFLUENCE OVER CHILDREN. BEAR AND FORBEAR 55 + + VI. THOROUGHNESS. ECONOMY OF TIME. CARE + OF PROPERTY. PUNCTUALITY 68 + + VII. ON FAULT-FINDING, GIVING NOTICE TO LEAVE, + AND GIVING CHARACTERS 81 + + VIII. DRESS. VISITORS. SYMPATHY IN CHRISTIAN + WORK 96 + + IX. FOLLOWERS AND FRIENDS. HELPS TO YOUNG + SERVANTS. GIFTS FROM VISITORS 108 + + X. THE ONE SOURCE OF STRENGTH 135 + + XI. THE LEGAL RIGHTS OF EMPLOYERS AND EMPLOYED 145 + + + + +SERVANTS AND SERVICE. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +INTRODUCTORY. + + +A little while ago I was wandering from factory to factory, watching +girls at work amongst whirling spindles, clattering machinery, and +clinking hammers; wondering often that the young creatures were not +bewildered or permanently deafened by the ceaseless noise which +accompanied their hours of toil; wondering still more at the varied +articles produced by girl-hands, and at the way in which the comfort of +persons in every rank of life seems to depend upon, and be ministered +to, by what they do as outdoor workers. + +The comfort of the world at large, of the great human family, is very +greatly influenced by the girl-toilers in these hives of industry. But +how much more is the happiness of all the separate families which go +to make up the vast total, influenced by the lives and conduct of those +who actually serve in the home itself, who fill the _honourable_ and +_responsible_ position of domestic servants. + +You who thus serve will, perhaps, think that I use strong terms +respecting your work and the place you occupy. I mean to justify these +expressions, and to show you how truly important is that work, how high +is your position, when measured by the vast trust which employers are +compelled to repose in the girls whom they receive into their homes as +servants. + +I have been the mistress of a house for a great many years, and yet, +considering that I have usually had four female servants at once, I +have not had a large number in the whole time. The reason is that very +few have left our home except to start in houses of their own, or from +some equally satisfactory cause, and usually after a long term of +service. Also, that when circumstances have rendered it necessary for +a servant to leave us, it has been the rule for the family and herself +to part with feelings of mutual regret and goodwill. It is always a +pleasure for us to welcome under our roof those who have served us +faithfully, and to hear of their well-being. + +I have had only one thoroughly bad servant--but she was a +systematically bad woman, who would have wrought mischief in whatever +position of life she might have occupied. Ignorance of household +routine, and inexperience in the performance of certain duties, may +easily be corrected wherever a servant is able and willing to learn, +and a mistress to bestow time and pains in teaching her. + +It makes me glad as I write to think that I both have had, and +still have, servants whom I regard as dear friends; who have proved +themselves sympathetic and self-devoting in various seasons of +sickness, and when extra labour and watching were needed; who have been +true helpers and comforters to all around them. + +Some, too, have been associated with me in Christian work, and have +deemed themselves more than repaid for any additional labour which has +thus devolved upon them, by the happiness that accompanies the very act +of good-doing for Christ’s sake. + +I think of such servants as these not only with pleasure, but with the +deepest thankfulness. With all my heart I desire to thank God for such +service, and for the sense of family comfort and safety which has been +one of its happy consequences in my own home. + +I am sure every girl who occupies the position of a domestic servant +will agree with me, that it is a good thing when a mistress can kneel +down and thank Our Father in heaven, for the great family blessing He +has sent her in the shape of a faithful servant. Equally so when a +girl, coming a stranger into a new home, can thankfully feel that she +too is regarded, not as a human machine to be sent away as soon as she +breaks down, and, once out of sight, out of mind also; but as a member +of the family, to be cared for by the rest both in regard to health of +soul and body--and most of all by the mistress as ‘house-mother.’ + +I wonder whether servants and mistresses generally understand what the +word ‘family’ means. I have alluded to each servant as a member of the +family, but I know that people usually take a much narrower view of +its meaning, and think it should be confined strictly to those who are +united by the ties of kindred. + +The word is used in several senses in our language, but the one which +takes the lead is as follows:--‘Family. The collective body of persons +who live in one house and under one head or manager of a household, +_including parents, children, and servants_.’ + +So you see, dear girls who serve in other homes than those of your +parents, you are none the less members of the family into which you +enter, though your actual place and work in it differ from those of the +parents and children. But if you claim to be of the family, you must +remember that the very privilege brings also responsibility. + +It forbids the putting of self in the first rank, and binds you to +consider the well-being, convenience, and comfort of every member of +the household, at least equally with your own; to work and think for +the common good, _because you also are of the family_. + +Notice how the Bible recognises this. Read through the Ten +Commandments, and see what individuals are named in those rules given +by God Himself, for the government of the human race. Here they are, +following each other: Father and mother, son and daughter, man-servant +and maid-servant. + +Not many pictures of girl life are to be found in the pages of Holy +Writ. We catch glimpses now and then of Rebekah and Rachel and the +daughters of Jethro tending their flocks, and watering them from the +precious and jealously guarded wells. These show us something of their +occupations out of doors, of their readiness--ladies though they +were--to serve the stranger and wait on the weary traveller. But the +curtains of the tent are rarely lifted sufficiently to give us even a +peep at the girls within, whether young mistresses or waiting damsels, +when employed in household duties. + +Ruth has a whole book given to her and her family. But we only see her +for the first time in her widowhood, and when she has been ten years a +wife. Esther has a still longer book, but in her story is involved the +fate of a nation of captives. + +But there is a little picture given in another place, and I never read +it without thinking how delightful it must be to every young servant, +to look upon this word-sketch of the little captive maid who waited +upon Naaman’s wife. + +It tells so much in so few words. It shows us the girl, far away from +her home and her kindred, a stranger in a strange land--yet full of +sympathy with her mistress, realizing that she is one of the family, +and anxious to do good to its afflicted and suffering head. + +Putting away the memory of her own wrongs, she would fain direct her +master to him at whose word, she believed, the loathsome disease would +vanish and Naaman be made whole. + +This little servant maid must have remembered her own home and friends, +because she could speak of the miracle-working prophet in her own land. +A revengeful girl would have rejoiced in her master’s affliction. +A selfish one would have made terms, and only told of the healer on +condition of being restored to her own friends. + +This young servant girl did neither. She uttered a wish which was also +a prayer on behalf of him who held her captive: ‘Would God my lord were +with the prophet that is in Samaria! for he would recover him of his +leprosy.’ + +Though she was in such a humble position, she had gained a character +for truth. Her mistress durst speak after her! A king durst write a +letter, send an embassy, and despatch an offering of enormous value, in +sole reliance on the word of the little foreign servant. + +Her master, a great and powerful general, the mighty man of valour, and +conqueror in many a battle, set out on a journey with a heart full of +hope, because he could believe the wish she had uttered was sincere, +and that she was convinced of the prophet’s power and will to heal him. + +Only a story contained in three verses of the Bible, but how much +it tells! What a beautiful character it reveals! A young servant +girl, truthful and trusted; forgiving and doing good to her captors; +realizing that she was one of that family in which she served; +forgetting self in her sympathy with suffering; repaying the kindness +and confidence of her mistress, not merely by faithful service, but by +heartiest goodwill. + +Ah! you who serve in the homes of others, well may you rejoice to +think that one in a like position is the heroine of this delightful +Bible story. May you in reading it take home all its sweet lessons, +and in your own narrower circle, and perhaps a far humbler household, +imitate the example, and reproduce the disposition shown by the little +Israelitish maiden when a captive in a strange land. + + * * * * * + +Probably many a young, ay, and old woman too, looks back upon her +girlish days in service, and recalls the period she spent under one +particular roof as a turning-point in her life for good or evil. If the +former, she will lift up her heart in thanksgiving as memories of wise, +loving counsel and patient teaching come before her mind’s eye. + +Some, perhaps, are still in situations, and regularly and habitually +doing their daily work as if the eye of the mistress was always +present. Each thinks of one who, in bygone days, was the means of +making her the valuable servant she is, by dint of much careful +training and painstaking when she went, a mere girl and very +ignorant, to her first place. She knows that the seeds sown by that +hand have brought forth in herself the fruits of regularity, order, +neatness, cleanliness, and punctuality; and that truth and honesty, +if not planted, were fostered and encouraged by that true friend and +experienced mistress. + +Perhaps she remembers, too, that in those early days the patient +teacher did not always find a patient scholar; that the lessons which +were given for her good were often little valued--sometimes even +resented as the acts of a fidgety, worriting, too-particular mistress +whom nothing could satisfy. + +She knows better now, and rejoices that she fell into hands equally +firm and kind. But the memory of her own little tempers and impatience +under training makes her, let us hope, more patient and forbearing with +other young girls who are in turn placed under her, to be similarly +instructed. + +I fancy I hear a chorus of young voices cry out, ‘It is all very well +for you to say we should be particular about the places we take, but we +cannot always choose from a number. Often our very bread depends on our +getting a situation. If we are unable to get what we want, we must take +what we can get.’ + +Quite true. Yet it is not often that a girl who is worth having has to +leave a situation at less than a month’s notice, so that she has always +some time to look about her and make inquiries. + +Shall I tell you my recipe for getting a good servant? It will be just +as useful to you in securing a good place. _It is prayer_, as well as +the use of ordinary means. Whenever a servant has been about to leave +us, it has been the custom for my husband and myself to kneel together +and ask God to guide us in the choice of a successor. We felt that +the peace of our home, the well-being of our family, and perhaps even +more than all, that an important influence on the minds and manners +of our little ones would depend upon the new-comer. Was it not, then, +worth while to ask God’s guidance and blessing? If good for master and +mistress, surely it must be equally so for the girl who seeks work and +a home amongst strangers. + +Do not take a place where you cannot have Sunday privileges. A widowed +mother, herself in service, applied for a situation for her young +daughter. She returned disappointed in one sense, but not in another. + +‘Jane could have had the place, and good wages; but when I named the +going to church on Sundays, the lady said Sunday was always her day +for company, and she could spare none of her servants to go out. She +would give her another day instead. I told her this would not suit +my girl,’ said the poor mother, who had much cause for anxiety about +employment for her child. ‘I had all my life tried to train her in the +faith and fear of God, and specially taught her to value and remember +to keep holy the Sabbath day. I dare not go against my own teaching and +conscience, come what may. I must trust; the Lord will provide.’ + +And He did provide. The mother’s prayers were not in vain; her faith +was not disappointed. Pray, then, for guidance, dear girls. You will +not ask in vain; but I believe you will be answered by having good +homes and good mistresses, as my husband and I have been, in having +good servants sent to us from time to time. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +HONOURABLE SERVICE. + + +In my former chapter I called the position of a domestic servant an +_honourable_ and _responsible_ one, and I will now give my reasons for +using these two words. I wonder whether many young girls who serve +in the household have considered how very much they are trusted. +Perhaps they never crossed the threshold of the home in which they +have obtained a situation until the very day on which they enter upon +its duties; and yet from the very moment that the young stranger girl +enters the house, she is of necessity taken more into the family +confidence than any outsider can possibly be. + +She knows all about the going out and coming in of every member of +the family. In many cases she sees and hears what even the children, +especially the younger ones, are not permitted to know. + +In the performance of her various duties, when waiting at table and +elsewhere, she overhears conversations which speakers would not like +to have repeated. She cannot help, in like manner, being acquainted +with numbers of little family secrets that are never intended to pass +beyond the walls of the home--things that would not be told even to +friends, except in the strictest confidence. + +Yet the master, mistress, and children receive the stranger girl, +often knowing very little about her family and of herself, only so +much as can be gleaned during half an hour’s talk, or, it may be, a +short letter from a former employer--just a sheet of paper with a few +formally written answers to a few set questions, such as relate to the +work of that particular situation she wishes to undertake. The future +mistress has probably asked how the girl has done her work in her last +place; whether she is cleanly, honest, truthful, obliging, and so on. + +In many cases the information is given by one of whom we know little +more than we do of the girl respecting whose character we inquire. And +there are always far more important questions than those alluded to, +which are never asked, and if they were, would seldom be explicitly +answered. Yet, on the strength of that brief written recommendation, or +after half an hour’s conversation, we take a girl into our home, and +place in her hands a very large share of its comfort and safety. She is +allowed to see and to know all the little household details which are +hidden even from our nearest friends. + +We exact from our girl domestics no pledge of confidence, no promise +not to betray our trust by gossiping about what they hear or see; +what, indeed, they _must_ witness, unless we are to live in a state of +unnatural restraint, and make the entrance of our servants a signal for +silence! Such a state of things would be equally trying to them, to our +guests, and to ourselves. + +If I were a girl in a situation, I hope I should feel ‘upon honour’ +with regard to these things. I should like to be able to say, ‘I am +glad and thankful to be trusted, and, by God’s help, I will try to +merit the confidence which my master and mistress place in me. I may +not be bound by any promise to them, but I am bound far more firmly by +my sense of what is right, by the witness of my own conscience, and by +the thought of what I should like if I were in their places. No one +shall ever be able to blame me for tale-telling, or gossiping about +their concerns. I may be a young servant, but if I am a Christian girl, +the same spirit should animate me that inspires the greatest lady in +the land. I, if I understand the teaching of God’s Word aright, am +bound by the same laws in my position as my mistress is in hers.’ + +To be above the meanness which would screen itself from blame as a +tattler, because no promise of silence has been given, is as becoming +to the servant as it is to the mistress. To be true, not merely in +word, but in heart and in act, is as incumbent upon the servant who +professes to be a Christian as it is upon the heads of the household, +and why? + +Because in God’s Word you are bidden to perform your duties ‘in +singleness of your heart as unto Christ; not with eye-service as +men-pleasers, but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from +the heart; with goodwill doing service as to the Lord, and not to men. +Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he +receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.’ + +Employers are also reminded that their ‘Master also is in heaven, +neither is there respect of persons with Him.’ + +The same law, you see, both for employers and employed. All have to +give an account to the same Master, before whom neither rank, riches, +nor position will avail anything. The question which concerns all of us +alike is this, ‘What sort of an account can I give of the way in which +I have done my duty in the place which, in the good providence of God, +I have been called on to fill?’ + +If it becomes the mistress to be above tattling and meanness, to +be true in word and deed, to be self-denying and considerate of the +feelings of others, to be pure in speech and in life, to be careful as +to the persons with whom she associates, surely all these things are +equally essential to the young servant! To the latter it often happens +that her good character is her fortune, that on it she depends for the +very bread she eats and the roof which shelters her. Even if she did +not, ‘A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving +favour rather than silver and gold.’ + +People say there is a skeleton in every house; it is the same thing as +saying that there is no home without some secret sorrow that the owner +would shrink from letting the world see. Well, if any of you dear girls +know where the skeleton is, say to yourselves, ‘My hand shall never +draw the curtain that hides it, or open the door of the cupboard in +which it is concealed.’ + +This is the right way in which to look at one of the responsibilities +of your position. You may make it doubly honourable by your own +conduct, and by the manner in which you show that you not only _must_ +be trusted, but that you deserve to be. + +Unfortunately we do not find that all girls act up to such a high +standard as this. We have all known some who have been faithful +enough so long as a thoroughly good understanding existed between +them and their employers. But perhaps something has gone wrong, and a +disagreement has arisen between the girl and her mistress. + +A sharp reproof has called forth an angry retort, and the +‘I’m-as-good-as-you’ sort of spirit has got into the young mind. +Either mistress or maid gives a month’s notice, and with the prospect +of parting comes an entire change in the relations of the parties +concerned. + +Sometimes the girl acts defiantly and disrespectfully. She forgets the +many marks of kindness and confidence she has received, the peace and +comfort she has enjoyed under that roof, and acts with a meanness and +littleness that are unworthy of any girl, especially one who calls +herself a Christian. In the spirit of revenge, and with a desire +to ‘serve out’ her employers, she will call to mind all the little +domestic matters which she knows they would least like to have gossiped +about, and will prove equally false to them, and to the pleadings of +her own heart and conscience. + +When the fit of temper is over, probably the girl sees the ugliness +and treachery of her conduct, and would fain stop the ball she has set +rolling. But this is not easy. It continues to roll, and increases with +every turn. She has done an amount of mischief which she can scarcely +calculate, has broken faith, destroyed the effect produced by years of +faithful service, and is branded as deceitful and ungrateful by the +mistress who may have reproved with sharpness, yet who heartily wishes +well to her young helpers in the household. + +I will not dwell upon this picture. I do not like it, and I hope that +every girl who reads this paper will think it as ugly as I do, and +resolve that it shall never be reflected in her own conduct. + +I have a few more words to say both about entering on situations and +engaging servants. Indeed, these chapters relate equally to employers +and employed; for while I commenced by addressing myself especially to +those who serve, I cannot write of them without including those who +rule, and more especially the young mistresses. These have frequently +nearly everything to learn when they assume the reins of domestic +government at the commencement of their married life. + +To the mistress I would say, ‘Try to ascertain something not only about +the girl you think of engaging, but about her parents, her home, and +general surroundings.’ + +I one day heard a gentleman speak of the manner in which he engaged a +very young girl to fill a vacancy caused by the marriage of an old and +much-valued servant. He lived at a distance from town, and had a very +delicate wife, who was unequal to the task of seeing and choosing from +amongst the many candidates for the vacant post. + +The place was known to be a good one. The home was delightful in +itself, the habits of the family were regular, wages satisfactory, the +servants enjoyed many Christian privileges, and master and mistress +took a warm interest in their welfare. There was rarely a vacancy, and +on this particular occasion there were many very experienced servants +amongst the applicants. Yet the gentleman who saw them at his office +in the city, and made all the inquiries, finally decided on engaging a +girl of eighteen to fill the place of one who had been more than half +that number of years in the situation. + +Much surprise was expressed at his decision, but he was quite able to +justify it. + +‘I was struck,’ said he, ‘with the beautiful neatness of the girl’s +dress. I was sure that she was not got up for the occasion; but all +about her was suggestive of habitual purity and tidiness, and her +clothing, though good and clean, bore traces of careful wear. It +had evidently been used for some time, but well used. I was further +struck with her modesty of manners and propriety of speech. She told +me frankly that she had no one but her mother to refer me to for +her character, as regarded the work itself. She was the eldest of a +family, and had never been in service; but the second girl would now +be able to take her place, and there were too many of them for all to +be maintained at home by the father’s earnings. She knew things would +be very different in such a house as mine; but mother had always made +her do her work well, and she was willing to learn. Would I try her +and give her wages according to what she was worth? Father and mother +were much more particular about the family she went into than about +the money. Would I see “mother” before I fixed on any one, and her own +Sunday-school teacher too? + +‘I could not help thinking, whilst the girl spoke--pleaded indeed, in +her honest, innocent way, for a trial--that she had in her the making +of a first-class servant. I agreed to see “mother,” but fixed no time +for my call, and I made it during the morning. + +‘The sight of that orderly home and its busy occupants was better than +any number of written characters. There was no running away to make +herself presentable, but the girl came forward with a smiling face, +and looking just as neat in her working dress as she had done in her +outdoor garments. + +‘I had made some inquiries about the family, and found that the parents +were God-fearing people, and extremely particular about the training +and associates of their children. So I engaged Eliza, aged eighteen, to +fill the place of the departed Anne, aged thirty; and I and mine had +cause to be thankful for the decision which brought into our house an +excellent servant, a warm-hearted, pure-minded girl. She was thorough +in her work, and what she did not know at first she was quick to learn, +because her heart was in it, and she honestly desired not only to do +enough to satisfy, but her very best. + +‘The mother made one remark which amused me a little at the time. “I am +so glad you are willing to engage Eliza,” she said. “I am quite content +for her to come to you, for I made most particular inquiries about your +place before I sent the girl to see about it.” + +‘The good woman meant it as a compliment, and I understood and +appreciated it. I like “my place” to have a good name; but some lady +friends tossed their heads, and said, “What an impertinent speech! to +intimate that she had inquired into your character!”’ + +And very proper too. Every girl that values her own character should be +anxious to serve under the roof of a master and mistress who fear God, +and who, caring for their own immortal souls, are likely to care for +the bodies and souls of all around them also. + +I had two sisters from one family, and when, after seven years’ united +service, the second left by her father’s wish to learn a business, I +wrote and asked for the only remaining daughter, a girl who had never +left home to take a situation, and whom I had never seen. I frankly +told the parents that, after my experience of their mode of training +daughters, I would rather take one who had thus been brought up in the +faith and fear of God, though comparatively ignorant, than the most +accomplished servant without such home-training. + +I received a grateful reply, accepting the offer and returning hearty +thanks for the comforts and Christian privileges enjoyed by the elder +sisters whilst under our roof. + +Number three duly arrived, and--well, perhaps if I say that she came +more than fourteen years ago, and is here yet, nothing more need be +added. To the act that we have considered Christian training as of +greater importance than mere skill in household duties, my husband and +I attribute much of the comfort and happiness we have enjoyed in regard +to those domestic arrangements that depend upon our servants’ work and +character. + +To you, dear girls, I would say, ‘Be more anxious to serve those who +themselves serve the Lord Christ,’ and will allow you the religious +privileges of which they know the value, than to obtain a situation +where a mistress is indulgent because indifferent, or for the sake of +easy work or high wages. + +In seeking employers, determine to put your Heavenly Master’s service +first of all. If you serve Him well, no fear that you will fail in +your duty to them. Remember that He said, ‘I am among you as He that +serveth;’ that He found His joy in doing the will of the Father, and +that He ‘who, being in the form of God,’ yet, for our sakes, ‘took upon +Him the form of a servant, humbled Himself, and became obedient unto +death.’ + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +‘HAIR-SPLITTERS.’ + + +I have alluded to the fact that the word ‘family’ includes the servants +of a household; but I am inclined to think that they are more slow to +realize their position as such than even their employers are. + +When inquiring about the work pertaining to a situation, they are often +so very particular to have the duties of the place defined with the +utmost exactness. ‘Shall I be expected to do this?’ or, ‘In my last +place, I was never asked to do that;’ ‘I like to know what my work is +to be, and then I’ve no doubt I shall do it to the satisfaction of all +parties,’ are expressions common enough when mistress and maid are +arranging terms. + +It is no doubt advisable so to plan the work of a house that each +servant, where there are two or more, may know what is her share, +and do it. The wheels of the domestic chariot would soon stick fast, +and confusion reign instead of order, if things were left to arrange +themselves. + +There is, however, a vast difference between taking and doing the work +allotted to us in a narrow, selfish spirit, or with the large-hearted +kindness which should distinguish the servants of Christ. In the +one case there is a continual hair-splitting going on, and when the +smallest service which was not actually bargained for is required, we +hear that hateful expression, ‘_It’s not my place._’ ‘I came here to be +housemaid--not to do cook’s work.’ Or, ‘If you had mentioned that, when +Sarah has her day out, you would expect me to look after the children, +I should have known what to do,’ is said to the mistress in an injured +tone, or, worse still, _at her_, as the damsel goes grumbling about the +house. + +These ‘hair-splitting servants,’ as I cannot help calling them, who +are always stickling for ‘rights’ and going more than half-way to meet +wrongs and grievances, know nothing of the true family feeling, and +are equally unpleasant people for mistresses and fellow-servants to +deal with. The former are wearied with perpetual complaints--the latter +are often rendered so uncomfortable by the nagging, exacting, and +self-asserting spirit of the individual who is always on the bristle +in defence of her _place_ and her _right_, that they will leave a good +home rather than endure her companionship. + +I will try to make my meaning plainer still. + +The ‘hair-splitter’ has perhaps been called into the sitting-room to +speak to her mistress. She leaves it again whilst the parlour-maid is +clearing the table. She _could_ save the latter a journey by carrying +out one or two of the heavier articles, and would cause herself no +extra trouble by so doing. But, ‘No thank you,’ our ‘hair-splitter’ +knows her place. Let the waitress mind her own business--she will not +be asked to do any part of hers. And so she marches out of the room +empty-handed, and is satisfied that in so doing she is keeping her +place. + +Perhaps some one in the house is an invalid, and requires to be waited +on in her own apartment. All who know anything of sick-nursing can tell +how many journeys up and down stairs are necessarily made, how many +weary steps must be taken by those who minister to a sufferer’s comfort. + +Usually, I believe, the servants are found willing to take a full +share of the extra work entailed by illness, and manifest their +sympathy in the most practical way, by doing it ungrudgingly and +uncomplainingly. Often they will voluntarily give up all the little +privileges so precious to those whose work lies wholly indoors, +and ‘stay in when it is their turn to go out,’ rather than cause +inconvenience--all but the ‘hair-splitter.’ She has bargained for +certain things, and she will have them. She never came to be a +sick-nurse, but to do regular work in her own place. She will go up and +down stairs with empty hands, though it would be no effort for her to +carry up the box of coal which she knows to be wanted, or to bring down +little articles which the attendant in the sick-room has put outside on +the landing, until she can leave the invalid for a few minutes to carry +them down herself. + +Our ‘hair-splitter’ disdains to lend a hand outside her own circle, +and, let who may give up the day out, she will exact hers and +every other privilege that she can claim, no matter who may suffer +inconvenience. + +‘I keep to my bargain; let other people keep to theirs. I do my work +that I engaged for; that is enough for me. I keep my place; let the +rest keep theirs,’ says the ‘hair-splitter;’ and she holds up her +head, and defies anybody to say a word to the contrary. + +Perhaps she speaks the literal truth, and she may be a thorough servant +in her own department; but she is only a hireling, and has no part or +lot in or with the family in that higher sense to which I have alluded. +And, oh! how little does such a one realize the yet deeper, holier +union and sympathy which must subsist between those who are members of +the family of God, who, like the Divine Head, Christ Jesus, find it +their joy to help the helpless, comfort the sorrowing, to strive, in +ever so humble a way, to bear one another’s burdens, and so to fulfil +the law of Christ. + +If a member of the family, she will ‘rejoice with those who do rejoice, +and weep with those who weep.’ + +There will be no ‘hair-splitting,’ no talk about rights; but the +true-hearted servant, who in all her dealings with earthly employers +acknowledges her Divine Master, will above all things strive to follow +His example. It will not be a question, ‘How little can I do?’ but, +‘How can I best contribute to the happiness of each and all under the +roof? How can I lighten the load of, or make the work easier for, my +fellow-servant?’ + +In numberless ways the willing mind and kindly heart will find that +this can be done without any additional effort or weariness to the +thoughtful helper. But even if it do cost an extra effort or a few more +steps to save still more of both to a tired fellow-servant, never mind. +They will be well bestowed. And if done for the Heavenly Master’s sake, +the reward will come in the present happiness which a consciousness of +doing right always brings with it. Those who practise self-devoting +kindness in their intercourse with others experience a joy unknown to +the ‘hair-splitter,’ who triumphs in having successfully claimed her +‘rights’ and in keeping her place. + +Now for a few words on the subject of good manners. + +I have said that a servant may be as truly a gentlewoman in manners as +the mistress she serves; but in order to merit the name, she must never +forget the respect and obedience she owes to those who employ her. The +‘I’m-as-good-as-you’ sort of spirit is always a mark of--I was going +to say--a vulgar mind. I will take higher ground. It is unworthy of +the disciple of Him who said, ‘Learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly in +heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.’ + +The injunctions in God’s Word with regard to the manners and conduct +of servants towards their employers are particularly plain and +unmistakable. Fidelity, honesty, hearty service, and obedience are +enjoined again and again. Equally so good manners, though not in these +exact words. + +It is no doubt very trying for a grown-up girl or woman to be reproved +in sharp, unmeasured terms, and more especially in the presence +of others. But if (by God’s grace) she is enabled to conquer the +inclination to reply rudely and to give, instead, the soft answer which +turns away wrath, even when she feels that she has been unreasonably +dwelt with, she gains a double conquest. She vanquishes the rising of +sinful passion, preserves her own self-respect, and probably wins the +goodwill of her mistress also, besides knowing that she has remembered +the Divine rule: ‘Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; +not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. If, when ye +do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable +with God.’ + +You see, then, dear girls, that you are not to forget, even under +difficult and trying circumstances, the respect due from those who +serve to those who rule in the house. The tossing of the head, the +heavy or bouncing step, the loud or pert answer, the slamming of +doors, the throwing things violently down, and the going grumbling +about the house, saying things _at_ the mistress which you would be +afraid or ashamed to say _to_ her, are all marks of vulgarity and +little-mindedness, which every girl who has any self-respect will +avoid. And, whilst rather calculated to inspire contempt for the +childishness of those who act in this unreasoning, foolish fashion, +than to produce any effect on those whom they are intended to annoy, +they are also utterly unworthy of every girl or woman who professes to +be a servant of Christ. + +The commands, ‘Be kind, be pitiful, be courteous,’ were not meant for +mistresses only, or for the rich and those who fill high places in +this world, but for people of all ages and of every position. It is +not the possession of riches, which perhaps those who own them have +done nothing to win; or the bearing of an old name, ennobled by the +grand lives of those who bore it in bygone ages; not the high position +occupied in this world, or even all three combined, which can entitle +any human being to the name of gentleman or gentlewoman. + +Thank God! those who occupy the humblest positions can _merit_ the +names, though they may not claim them. If, in fulfilling our various +duties, we yield ourselves to the guidance and teaching of God’s Holy +Spirit, and strive by our lives to adorn the doctrine of God our +Saviour in all things, living soberly, righteously, and godly, showing +ourselves kind, forbearing, tender-hearted, forgiving, observing the +golden rule, spreading as much happiness and saving as much pain as we +can, we shall reap a glorious harvest of peace within and goodwill from +all around us. + +Believe me, dear girls, none so well deserve the names of gentleman and +gentlewoman as do those whose lives best reflect that of their great +pattern, Christ Jesus. And better by far than all the other books in +the world is the Bible itself for teaching good manners. + +Before concluding this chapter, I will briefly suggest a few of the +_advantages of domestic service_. Some girls think that the privileges +are all on the side of the outdoor workers, that the mill-hand, +machinist, the dressmaker, and the young shopwoman have an amount of +freedom from personal restraint which those in service cannot enjoy. +Let us look more closely into this, as also into the matter of wages. + +Really the outdoor worker has in many cases less time at her disposal +than the domestic servant, and her average gains are less also. A +servant with good health and character need never be unemployed, as +the demand for such is generally in excess of the supply. She has no +slack times, like nearly all other workers, employment and wages being +regular the year round in her case. + +Her situation is not affected by a sudden change of fashion, which +will often throw nearly all the workers in a particular branch out of +situations, and compel them to learn some new business by which they +may earn their bread. + +The domestic servant has in many cases the advantage of living in a +far more comfortable home, and of being better fed and cared for. She +has less anxiety about ways and means than the outdoor worker. For the +latter a slack time indicates the loss of wages, perhaps for weeks +together; and unless girls have been very prudent and careful, it means +also a season of privation to themselves, if they cannot turn their +hands to something else in the meanwhile. + +The wages may seem less. Are they really so? + +Supposing an outdoor worker has sixteen shillings a week, and this is +a very high average, and that she does not lose a day’s pay in twelve +months, she is certainly no better off than the domestic servant with +six shillings. Out of the sixteen the outdoor worker has to pay for +lodgings, food, and fire. Could she for ten shillings a week live in +the same comfort as does a domestic servant in a well-ordered home? + +Then the latter has no coming through the streets unprotected, and +in all weathers; and, in the quiet round of household duties, she +is exposed to far fewer temptations than the outdoor worker. (The +exceptions are in the cases of girls who live under their parents’ +roof, and are cared for by a watchful, loving, and judicious mother.) + +Moreover, the employment of the domestic servant is not nearly so +monotonous as that of the factory hand, or so wearying as that of the +young shopwoman who stands behind the counter for many hours at a +time. She has less anxiety than even those under whose roof she lives, +knowing nothing of consultations about making ends meet, or of fears +when quarter-day comes round. + + * * * * * + +Lastly, the domestic servant is not the ‘hand’ of whom often the +employer knows less than he does of the machine she tends, but one who +is in constant communication with father, mother, and children under +the roof--in short, as I have already asserted, she is one of the +family, and necessarily trusted as such. + +I may add that the law affords the latter very special protection in +the matter of wages, domestic servants being paid in full when other +creditors often have to accept only a portion of what is due to them, +or what is called a composition. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +IN THE NURSERY. + + +It is a somewhat remarkable fact that the younger the servant employed, +the greater and more precious is the first charge usually placed in +her hands. I mean, of course, the baby, with occasionally two or three +other small children in addition. + +To nurse the one and keep the other out of mischief is generally deemed +the fitting occupation for the little maid, herself a mere child when +she first goes out to service. The young hands that are too unsteady to +be trusted with such fragile articles as glass and crockery, lest these +should suffer damage, too unskilled in household matters to be esteemed +of much value in the cleaning and scrubbing department, are deemed +quite competent to hold the baby and act as caretaker to the whole +juvenile brood. + +Often the busy, notable mother of a family will say, when speaking of +a child-servant, ‘I cannot let her help in the house-work. She would +only make more labour than she would save; would dirty more than she +would clean; break more things by clumsiness and carelessness than her +wages would pay for. I can get through much more quickly by myself, +and nothing will need doing over again. But she _can_ nurse the baby +and look after the children, which will set my hands free to do the +house-work.’ + +So the house-mother bustles from place to place and does the work +herself. In the meanwhile, the inexperienced hands which must on no +account be trusted with the crockery, the chairs, and the tables, have +the sole charge of what should be to every mother the most precious of +helpless treasures--her infant. + +In the comparatively poor districts of large towns, chiefly inhabited +by working people and small shopkeepers, it is no uncommon thing for +a little maid, barely in her teens, to go out nursing by the day--and +generally a very long day. She comes home to sleep, the small place +where a business is carried on being often filled to overflowing by the +shopkeeper’s actual belongings. It is probably fortunate for the small +servant that she does go home to sleep, or her day’s work might come to +an end even later still, or last all night, should the baby sleep with +her. + +Numbers of little maidens make their start as domestic servants in +this way, and rise by gradual steps to what is considered a position +of greater trust and responsibility. I have been in a tiny shop when +a dot of a girl, pinafored and with a cotton hood or woollen kerchief +on her head, has entered. Dropping a little bob of a courtesy, she has +announced that she is seeking her first place by the question, ‘Please, +ma’am, do you want a girl to help to nurse the baby?’ + +It is often the case that these little maids, the eldest of large +families, have served a seven years’ apprenticeship at home nursing +before they are twice that number of years old. They are frequently far +more handy with babies than much older people, and the very small folks +always like a girl-nurse, who is not too old to romp and play, and who +enjoys the games as heartily as do her little charges. These mites love +to see a merry face, to hear a good ringing laugh, and to listen to the +nonsense rhymes and nursery jingles which come pattering from the still +childish lips of their young guardian. + +I do not know a greater affliction in a nursery than a nurse, no matter +how good and conscientious she may be, who goes through her duties in +a grave, stolid, unsympathetic way; washing and dressing the children, +tidying and stitching in a mechanical, plodding fashion, and doing +her duty faithfully, according to her light, but forgetting, in her +dealings with children, that she was once as young as they are. + +The nurse who worrits over a soiled pinafore or rumpled hair, who +is for ever straightening up, and putting the toys and litter which +children delight in and ought to have around them on high shelves +and in out-of-the-way places, may have a tidy nursery, but she will +certainly have a brood of unhappy youngsters around her. + +There are nurses who are old in years, but young in heart, bright, +cheerful, and abounding in love for children, and who come second only +to the good mother in the affection of the small people. And there are +others who are by no means old counting by years, but who left their +youthful spirits behind them, if they ever had any, when they began to +run alone. + +I once heard a lady speaking of two girls, of only eighteen and twenty, +who had the care of her three children. ‘They are both good girls,’ +she said; ‘truthful, conscientious, well-behaved. I have no fear that +the children will ever learn anything wrong from them. But they are so +stolid and dull that they seem to take all the brightness out of the +lives of the little ones. One sits like a lump at her stitching; the +other, like a second lump of human material, keeps the children out of +mischief, and takes care that the nursery is in a painful state of +order, and that smeared faces and soiled pinafores are things unknown. + +‘Let a child leave a toy for a moment, it is seized and put carefully +away. These nurses never can be made to understand that, what would +appear untidy and disorderly in a drawing-room, is the proper and +necessary state of things in an apartment dedicated to the use of +little ones. If children are to be happy they must be occupied, and to +find them employment a variety in books, toys, and pictures must be +within their reach. + +‘A childish mind does not fix itself upon any one thing for a length +of time. But though Jack may have become weary of the pursuit of +architecture, and may demolish with one stroke the castle he has spent +half an hour in building, he does not want the materials packed away, +in case he should determine on erecting a church somewhat later in the +day. He likes to have his bricks within reach, even while he is looking +at pictures, and to be able to turn from his book to his wheelbarrow +without asking nurse’s leave. Then the children want some one to laugh +with them, to sing, to lead their games and teach them new ones; and +when they go out they do not want to be led solemnly along as if they +were attending a funeral. + +‘I am sorry to part with two thoroughly good girls,’ added the +speaker, ‘but I cannot bear to see the children growing up such little +sobersides, so unnaturally grave and old before their time.’ + +‘What shall you do then?’ asked the friend to whom the lady was +speaking. + +‘Oh, I have engaged a cheery, middle-aged widow to do the sewing and +superintend generally. She is to have a little girl of fourteen under +her as her messenger and the children’s playfellow. I fell in love +with the little maid when out district-visiting, through seeing the +delightful way in which she managed to keep her own small brothers and +sisters amused and happy, with next to nothing in the way of materials. +I am quite reckoning on litter and laughter in my nursery, in place of +unvarying tidiness and dulness.’ + +Do not imagine that this lady would have tolerated any lack of real +cleanliness in the persons or surroundings of her children. She +estimated at their full value the neatness and particularity of her +maids; but she felt that, while the young bodies were admirably cared +for, the nursery atmosphere was cheerless and depressing. It was +deficient in human sunshine and sympathy. + +Instead of being merry and childlike, her youngsters were becoming +staid, prim little men and women; their very games were made a serious +business; the care of their toys was a matter of grave responsibility. +The children could hardly have had more upright and careful attendants; +but the mother saw that spotless pinafores, constant supervision, and a +tidy nursery were not in themselves sufficient for happiness. + +I have given this little sketch from life because I want to impress +upon my girl readers who think of offering themselves to fill the +situation of nurse, that something more is required to make a good one +than a mere knowledge of nursery work. + +If I were engaging a nurse for young children, I should not only +inquire about the experience she had gained in caring for their bodies, +her cleanliness, truthfulness, honesty, and general trustworthiness. +I might be satisfied on these points, and the applicant might also be +one of the best seamstresses that ever took needle in hand, and yet I +should want something of more importance than all these. + +I should need to be convinced that she was not taking a place as nurse +merely as a means of breadwinning, but because she honestly loved the +helpless little ones, and was sufficiently young-hearted to feel for +and with them in matters that are trifles to grown-up people, but great +things to children. + +I should want to study her face a little, to find that it was bright +and happy-looking, and that her voice had a cheery ring in it. To be +convinced that, when the laughing, crowing baby looked up in its glee, +it would see a responsive smile on its nurse’s countenance, and that +her presence would be likely to make the nursery not merely a cleanly +but a happy place for the children. + +So I say to my readers, never take a place as nurse unless you can +carry with you a heart large enough to hold all your little charges, +and warm enough to pay back with interest the love they are so ready +to give to those who sympathise with and are kind to them. You will +need patience to bear with them, and firmness to check what is wrong; +you will need constant watchfulness and prayerful self-examination in +order that, by God’s grace, you may be enabled to subdue in yourselves +whatever might set a bad example or produce a bad impression on the +children intrusted to your care. + +Next to the mother, probably no human being has so great an influence +over the little ones for good or evil as the nurse. Take care that +yours shall be for good. There is no lesson more quickly learned by +a child than that of trying to hide a fault by telling an untruth. +Perhaps curiosity has led to meddling, meddling to an accident and a +breakage. To cover this and escape punishment, the child deliberately +plans concealment, and tells its first lie. + +The same teacher--fear of consequences--often finds an apt pupil in +the nurse as well as in her young charges, and she tells, or it may be +only acts, a falsehood in their presence. Who can estimate the mischief +done, or the fruit produced from the seed of that evil example? Young +eyes are quick to see,--young minds to receive impressions. Not so +quick to lose the effect, or get rid of the consequences, of a single +lesson in deceit. + +Dear young nurses, let me plead with you for the sake of the immortal +souls of these precious little ones; be true in word and deed. Strive +to lead them gently and lovingly; set them a good example. Ask strength +from God to overcome the temptations to anger and falsehood. Be +careful, too, that no profane or impure expression ever passes from +your lips, to defile the ears and corrupt the minds of the children +committed to your care. Let not those young eyes witness any action +that you would be afraid or ashamed for a grown-up person to see. + +Nay, let your thoughts soar still higher, and remember the Eye that +never slumbers nor sleeps, the Ear which hears equally the prayer and +the wrong or idle words of which we often think so lightly. + +Should any accident happen to an infant either through inadvertence +or want of care on your part, be brave and true. Go at once to the +mother, and, even at the risk of losing your situation, or of a +severe reprimand, tell about the fall or the blow which the child has +received, and ask that means may be used to prevent any permanent harm +resulting from it. I have known two cases of life-long deformity and +lameness, both of which might have been prevented had the nurses told +of comparatively trifling accidents when they occurred, but which were +rendered serious for want of immediate attention. + +The little creatures had wailed and cried,--their only mode of +telling that they were in pain. The tears were put down to teething, +crossness--anything but the real cause. Had the truth been told and a +doctor sent for, the experienced professional touch and eye would have +discovered the injuries, the joints would have been replaced, and two +fine girls saved from lasting disfigurement. + +Better, far better endure displeasure or even the loss of a place, +than carry the life-long memory that, through your want of courage +and candour, a young creature’s existence has been blighted, or its +activity and usefulness impaired. Ay, and what is of still more +importance, better be the humblest drudge at the roughest of household +work, than undertake the charge of children without a deep sense of the +solemn responsibilities belonging to the nurse’s office. + +If you cannot carry into the nursery loving hearts, patience, +self-control, cheerfulness, courage, truth, pure speech, propriety of +manners, and tender sympathy, work elsewhere in the household. Remember +that it is not only the bodies of the little ones for which you have to +care, but that you will have to answer for the influence you may exert +on their minds and souls. Are they not the lambs whom Jesus loved and +blessed? Do they not belong to that flock for which the Good Shepherd +laid down His life on Calvary? + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +INFLUENCE OVER CHILDREN--BEAR AND FORBEAR. + + +There are some servants, and particularly those who are beyond +girlhood, who regard the children of the household with anything but a +kindly feeling, who bitterly resent the planting of a young foot on the +kitchen floor, and deem the appearance of a curly head in its doorway +as an unwarrantable intrusion. + +‘Now you go out of my kitchen this minute,’ cries the ruling genius. +‘You know you’ve no business here. Be off! Quick! or I’ll tell your ma.’ + +The curly head vanishes. The youngster, perhaps, only came to make a +private inquiry as to the forthcoming pudding, or something equally +innocent. But after his disappearance, cook will probably further +remark, ‘I hate to have children poking and prying about. They always +tell tales and make mischief.’ + +I can understand the existence of such a feeling if any mistress is so +injudicious, any mother so unwise towards her children, as to permit +them to act the part of spies over her servants and tattlers towards +herself. It is as lowering to her own dignity as it is insulting to +those who serve, and injurious to her children to encourage such +practices. + +On the other hand, the upright, conscientious servant has no need to +care who looks on whilst she is engaged about her daily duties. If she +reverently carries in her mind this one thought, ‘Thou God seest me,’ +and acts as in that presence, she has no occasion to trouble herself +about other observers. + +As a mother, I feel even more strongly than as the mistress of a +home. However accomplished a servant might be in the duties of her +department, I would not keep her if I thought that the morals and +manners of my children would suffer by contact with her. + +Speaking to servants in every department of service, I say, ‘Be kind to +the children, dear girls. You can, if you are Christians, give many a +hint for their good. You may whisper a word in season which may make +the angry boy ashamed of his senseless passion. You may show the little +one who is inclined to deceive the beauty and bravery of truth.’ + +Children are often inclined to gossip. They perhaps overhear something +which was never intended to reach them, and, big with the thought of a +discovered secret, are eager to share the newly-acquired knowledge with +somebody else. A young servant is the nearest individual to the little +personage who is inclined to be confidential, and to her the tale is +told, if she will listen. + +This gives a right-minded girl an opportunity of showing her own +uprightness and honourable disposition by refusing to listen, and of +pointing out to the child the impropriety of repeating what has been +said by parents or guests who had either not noticed or forgotten the +presence of the ‘little pitcher.’ + +Imagine how sweet it was to a mother’s ears when one of my children, +after speaking of happy talks she had enjoyed on Sunday evenings with +a young servant, said, ‘I always feel better after a conversation with +her, more anxious to love and serve God, and to be good and do what is +right to everybody.’ + +After such an instance as this, dear girls, you cannot imagine that a +servant’s influence is to be lightly thought of or carelessly used. I +have known an instance in another home where the religious training of +the parents was rendered useless, their boy’s faith undermined, and the +man’s future career hopelessly changed, by the contrary influence of an +old and much-trusted domestic. + +Again, if servants wish to find a common bond of sympathy between +their mistresses and themselves, the little ones will furnish it. When +riding in a tram-car, I one day sat opposite to a young mother, who was +accompanied by a girl-nurse with a baby on her lap. It was evidently +the first, and all its clothing bore traces of tasteful, industrious +fingers, rather than of great expenditure. The child was a lovely +creature, and its young mother and younger nurse seemed unconscious +of everything else. The three made a charming picture; for the little +maid, her face lighted up with love, told how her charge had been +admired by different ladies, who had even stopped her in the street to +look at and praise the bonny baby. The mother listened with eager ears +and happy face, and I left that tram-car with unwilling feet, because I +thought that in the popular carriage I had seen two human beings united +by perfect sympathy, the bond between them being a few weeks’ old +infant. + +I had a cook once who was very difficult to manage. She was extremely +clever in her own department, but determined to have her way and +to rule instead of obeying a mistress who was then comparatively +inexperienced in household management, and many years younger than +herself. I thought I must part with her; but cook had a vulnerable +point. She almost worshipped babies, and being shown into the room +where I sat with a month old infant on my knee, when she first came +about the place, she implored me to let her hold it whilst we talked. + +‘Being in the kitchen, I hardly ever get a baby into my arms,’ she +said. ‘I’m fond of cooking, but if I had to start again, I’d be a +nurse.’ + +I am sure the baby was an unconscious source of strength to our +warm-hearted, self-willed cook; and for the little creature’s sake she +would often battle against a temper which was most trying to every +one else in the house. Her stay was prolonged far beyond any person’s +expectation, and her darling was two years old before Sarah left us. +She had rendered the kitchen too hot to hold any one but herself, and +it was a question of parting with her or the other three servants. + +But I was almost unnerved at the sight of old Sarah weeping over the +child whom she had nursed since she was in long clothes, and who was +clasping her neck with one arm, while with the other hand she wiped +away the tears from her friend’s face, making her pinafore corner do +duty for a handkerchief! + +I had done what I could to obtain a situation for Sarah in which I +thought she would be as little tempted as was possible to give way to +her besetting sins, and I thankfully remember that she did well in it. + +Here let me say a few words about the need for _mutual forbearance +in the household_. There is a very old story of an aged couple whose +quarrels had been for many years the talk of the neighborhood, when, to +the surprise of everybody, the disturbances ceased. The gossips lost +their regular excitement and wonder, and curiosity took its place. +Somebody at last mustered courage to ask the old man the secret of +the unwonted peace. He replied with a smile, “My old woman and I have +got on all right since we got two bears to live with us.” This only +increased the curiosity; but it turned out that these were named ‘bear’ +and ‘forbear.’ + +Ah, the presence of these two bears is absolutely essential to the +happiness of every home. They are as much needed in the kitchen as +in the drawing-room, and I would say to every young candidate for a +situation, ‘Whatever else you may leave behind, take the two bears +along with you.’ + +Mistresses often complain that one of their most serious difficulties +arises from the disagreements amongst the servants themselves. One +lady, when telling me of this domestic trouble, was ready to cry, +because her efforts to induce her servants to be kind and friendly with +each other had utterly failed. + +‘Two of them,’ said she, ‘are pleasant-tempered enough; but the cook +and nurse are always either squabbling or sulking. We have had an +interval of peace recently, for these two gave up speaking to each +other about a fortnight since, and both are too proud to make any +advance towards resuming friendly relations. The others are made +extremely uncomfortable, and the children cannot help observing what is +going on. It is a shocking example for them.’ + +‘And are these quarrelsome girls good servants in other respects?’ I +asked. + +‘Excellent. Indeed, all four fulfil their duties to my entire +satisfaction, are respectful to their employers, attentive to guests, +good to the children. If it were not for the wretched contrariness +of the cook and nurse towards each other, I should esteem myself +uncommonly fortunate.’ + +In this case, you see, the comfort of a home was largely interfered +with, and not only the offenders themselves were miserable, but every +member of the family suffered, more or less, for want of a little of +the ‘bear and forbear spirit’ in two of the household. + +As a rule, servants are extremely reluctant to tell tales of, or to +lodge complaints against, one another. This is much to their credit; +though amongst such a numerous class there are sure to be some +tattlers. All honour to those who, in things which affect their own +comfort only, show that ‘charity which suffereth long, and is kind.’ + +But there are cases in which it is right both to speak and act promptly +and boldly. For instance, when the conduct of one makes all the rest +miserable, as in a particular instance which occurs to my mind as I +write. + +A cook in a family where several servants were kept, was for years +feared and disliked as a perfect tyrant in her own domain. She was so +jealous and suspicious, that an expression of kindness and approval +from the mistress to one of the other servants was resented as a +personal injury to herself. The recipient would be harassed with +taunts, accused of hypocrisy, and of wanting to undermine her in the +good opinion of their mutual employers. Or, as the others remarked, +‘Let the mistress praise one of us, and cook will blaze like her own +kitchen fire, and give us a hot time of it for days to come.’ + +This mistress was particularly anxious for the comfort and happiness +of all under the roof. She was careful to have respectable servants, +and to satisfy herself also about the character of their friends and +connections. This done, she personally invited them to visit their +young relatives and friends, and never had to complain that the +privilege was abused. + +But, to her surprise, visitors rarely came a second time during the +reign of this kitchen tyrant. It was only after long endurance, and +when a new cook had succeeded, that the mistress, who wished her +house to be a home to her servants, found out why it was not so. +Simply because they could not endure that their friends should be made +uncomfortable by taunts and rudeness, and they preferred to send them +from the door, or to see them anywhere or nowhere, rather than under +the roof of their employers. + +The cook was an excellent servant in other respects, but for years +she nullified the efforts of her employers for the comfort of her +fellow-servants by her jealousy, and by practicing all the petty +tyrannies which a mean and suspicious nature, combined with fertility +of invention, could contrive. + +How much the servants endured would be difficult to tell. But they did +bear, and in silence, rather than be blamed for tale-telling. They +would not complain, lest their unkind fellow-servant should lose her +place; though she had not scrupled to rob them of comfort, domestic +peace, and the family intercourse which the mistress both permitted and +encouraged. + +In this case too much forbearance was shown. I think that the right +thing would have been for the servants, first, to join in remonstrating +with the kitchen tyrant, stating at the same time their intention of +laying the matter before their mistress should cook still refuse to +hear reason. By such a course they would have saved great discomfort to +themselves, have taught a much-needed lesson to one who was not fit to +be trusted even with kitchen government, and they would have prevented +the commands of the mistress from being a dead letter in her home. + +Perhaps some of you may like a little advice as to when it is right +to appeal to the mistress, and when it is wise to be silent. In this, +as in every other difficulty, you will find all the guidance you can +possibly need in the Bible. Go on the grand principle of doing what +God’s Word and your own conscience impel you to do. + +If you are aware of a wrong done to your employers, or have good cause +to suspect that they are being robbed or wilfully deceived by those in +whom they place confidence, you ought to speak. If through your silence +the innocent would be blamed, or the guilty escape detection, you +should tell what you know. + +The person who, seeing wrong done, keeps silence, and lets another +be injured, becomes a partaker in evil-doing. Sooner or later those +who, by hiding the wrong, tacitly consent thereto, will certainly be +involved in the blame also. Some may blame you for speaking; but it is +better “that ye suffer for well-doing than for evil-doing.” So mind you +suffer as a Christian should, for doing right, if you must be blamed at +all. + +Take another piece of advice from St. Peter’s first Epistle, which is +full of practical teaching for the guidance of Christians in their +relations one towards another, and to their Divine Head. ‘But let none +of you suffer as a thief or as an evil-doer.’ + +Remember the value of a good name. If yours is unjustly attacked, +spare no pains to remove the false impression, and to regain the good +opinion of those who have misjudged you. + +‘Or as a busybody.’ See how carefully both sides are given! We are +warned against keeping silent, where doing this would injure others, +hide wrong-doing, or hurt our own good name. We are equally warned +against tattling or busying ourselves about what does not concern us. +In so many cases where a mere love of gossip would induce us to speak, +it is wiser, kinder, more becoming a Christian, to be silent. A few +sentences from God’s Word will be the best comment on this side of the +subject, and show us the propriety of silence where we should serve no +good end by speaking. + +‘He that coveteth a transgression seeketh love.’ ‘He that refraineth +his lips is wise.’ ‘He that uttereth a slander is a fool.’ ‘The words +of a tale-bearer are as wounds.’ ‘A tale-bearer revealeth secrets, but +he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.’ ‘A whisperer +separateth chief friends.’ + +To what does all this advice tend? Surely to teach us that, as +witnesses, we should be faithful ones, telling the simple, unvarnished +truth. That our lips should be ‘righteous lips.’ That we should not +gossip about the faults and failings of others, from a love of talk, +and that our daily and hourly prayer should be:-- + +‘Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips!’ + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +THOROUGHNESS--ECONOMY OF TIME--CARE OF PROPERTY--PUNCTUALITY. + + +Most mistresses are anxious that household work should be well and +thoroughly done. I am, however, bound, in common fairness, to say that, +while many servants are careless and slippery--spending the time that +ought to be occupied about their work in dawdling and gossiping--there +are also mistresses who are unreasonable in their requirements. They +demand impossibilities, because they have no idea of the time that is +needed to ensure thoroughness in any branch of household work. + +‘There is nothing I like so much as a mistress who knows what work is, +and who, having done it herself, can tell how long it takes to do it +real well.’ + +These were the words of a bonny, bright-faced young housemaid who had +lately entered upon a new place. She loved cleanliness, and did not +consider that her duty was done when the ashes were removed from under +the grate, and a duster lightly whisked over the tops of the tables and +the seats and backs of chairs. + +‘I’m not afraid of the chairs being turned round or my mistress looking +into corners, or that if you lift up a book or an ornament, the shape +of it will be left clear on the dusty top of the chiffonier. I like +things to be just as clean and as bright all over as hands can make +them. But it takes time to make them so, as well as good rubbing.’ + +The girl was right. And it is a great blessing to the employed when the +employer has a practical knowledge of the work her servants have to do. + +I rejoice to think that the cookery and domestic economy classes are +doing good service in this direction, by making girls, the future +mistresses of homes, acquainted with the details of household work. + +‘She is cleanly, but dreadfully slow,’ is no unfrequent character +from an active bustling mistress, when parting with a servant, who is +perhaps less slow than thorough. + +On this subject, let me say to servants, If you are not allowed the +time to do your work well, take care that you spend upon it every +minute that you have allotted for the purpose. Let no one catch you +gossiping or idling away your time, when you have complained that it +was already insufficient for the task to be properly performed. And if, +after having done your best, you are still found fault with, ask your +mistress, in a respectful manner, if she will, just for once, look on +whilst you do this piece of work, and note how long it takes you to do +it well. + +If instead of scolding on the one side, and flying into a temper +and answering impertinently on the other, there were to be a fair +consideration and a reasonable test such as the above, we should have +fewer hasty warnings ‘to leave at the month’s end;’ less frequent +changes, and longer and more valuable service from our domestics. +These, too, would not pay us less respect or care less for our +interests, because they found us willing to listen patiently to a +well-grounded complaint, and to redress any real grievance. + +From the subject of economy of time and thoroughness in the quality +of work we turn naturally to that of care in the use of the property +entrusted to you who serve in the household. In respect to work there +can be no better advice than this: ‘Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, +do it with thy might.’ So, in using the property of others, use it as +though you had earned the money which bought it. + +Accidents will occasionally happen in spite of care; but numberless +things are mutilated or destroyed by the want of a very little +precaution. A window and door are both left open on a windy day. +The blind is next seen flapping to and fro outside, and unless some +watchful eye notices this, the crash of glass announces that the lath +has been driven through a pane or two, valuable papers have been +carried into the fire or up the chimney, a tablecloth and a number of +fragile ornaments swept on to the floor, and everything that would +break amongst them smashed to atoms by a little act of thoughtlessness. + +Who can truly say, ‘I could not help it,’ when an indignant mistress +reproaches the author of such waste and ruin? She may not have done it +on purpose, but destruction which is caused by utter carelessness is +scarcely less blamable than wilful waste. + +A great deal of harm is done to furniture by rough, bouncing servants, +who bang articles down on floor or table, who rush about like a +whirlwind, under the impression that hurry and bustle mean industry and +earnestness, who seem to think that noise is an essential accompaniment +to work. These are the people under whom the edges of our tumblers +are chipped, until they become dangerous to those who use them; in +whose hands crockery is perpetually ‘coming in two,’ and handles as +constantly ‘coming off.’ + +Chairs are recklessly brought in contact with side-boards, and the +veneering is chipped, or smooth, polished surfaces are mercilessly +rubbed with rough dusters, with the result of leaving the same covered +with all sorts of fine lines and scratches. Under such treatment the +polished top of, say, a grand piano, assumes the appearance of an +immense outline map. + +All such injury to furniture and utensils becomes a double source of +annoyance from the fact that a little care would have prevented it. +Hurry, bustle, and bounce always hinder real work. It is the steady, +methodical servant, whose work is done with the least apparent effort, +but which entails the smallest amount of destruction to property and is +most satisfactory in the long run. + +I often think of a little figure familiar under our roof for nearly +ten years, who was an admirable illustration of the value of method +and of forecasting the work. Slight in frame, short in stature, and +by no means strong, in many respects she was a living example of what +could be effected by steadiness and a thoughtful planning of her work. +Nobody ever saw her in a hurry, or with a smutty face or untidy hair. +Her gowns looked less soiled and tumbled at the week’s end than those +of many wearers would be after a few hours’ use. + +All cooking materials that could be properly prepared beforehand +or over-night were always ready for use when wanted. A glance at +the spotless dressers and the floors, from which, to use a popular +expression, ‘you might have eaten your dinner without a plate,’ gave a +sufficient pledge of the exquisite cleanliness of everything prepared +in that kitchen and by those hands. Yet all this beautiful order and +purity were the result of quiet, steady work, carefully planned and +carried out regularly and methodically. + +There is no department in which cleanliness can be of more importance +than in that of the cook. A careless, muddling cook will use her +utensils indiscriminately. She will boil her onions, for sauce, and +then, after a mere wash out, will make sweet sauce for pudding in the +same pan--we all know with what result. A fine, subtle flavour of +onions will run through the second preparation, and will, in turn, +spoil both the sauce and the pudding it is intended to improve. And +yet, when fault is found, the offender will perhaps stoutly insist, and +with a certain measure of truth, that she had washed her pan quite +clean. Washing will not remove strong flavours, and especially the +taste of onions. A pan should be kept for these alone, and no other +sauce should ever be prepared in it. It would take too much space were +I to attempt to enter fully into the many little details connected with +a cook’s duties, so I will make my advice very brief. + +Be very cleanly in kitchen utensils, person, and dress. Be specially +particular about the neat arrangement of your hair, so that it may +not be loose and straggling. Few things are more disgusting than the +sight of hairs amongst food. Scour and scald--in addition to merely +washing--all utensils. Let crockery be thoroughly cleansed from grease +and brightened in the drying. Fill milk bowls with boiling water, and +let it stand in them until it is cold before drying for use again. This +will tend to make the milk keep better. + +In using the articles of food and preparing them, avoid all waste, and +be ready to render an account of everything that is entrusted to your +care. There are some cooks who use articles lavishly and wastefully, +and who give away what is not theirs to bestow. They have no anxiety +about providing the food, no occasion to consider how bills are to be +paid, and often do not know the price and value of what they waste. +They will throw bread and odd pieces amongst the swill, and let food +be cast away to nourish swine, which many a widowed mother and hungry +child would be thankful to receive and make use of. + +Remember, you are accountable--and not to earthly employers only--for +every wasted bit, whether of food or fuel. You are stewards in your +position, as your master and mistress are stewards in theirs. And there +is another thought I would bring before you. Every housekeeper knows +that meat is daily growing dearer, and a sufficient supply becoming +less and less attainable. Consider, then, that a lavish use or waste of +meat helps to make it dearer still, and life harder for the poor. Out +of the very scraps and crumbs, if you will only collect them, thousands +of birds may be fed and the lives of the dear little songsters +preserved through the cold blasts and pinching frosts of winter. + +Every morning at my home, one of our kindly domestics may be seen +sallying forth with a plate on which all these fragments have been +collected by their united efforts. Half of the store goes to the birds +in the front, half to their brethren in the back garden; and the daily +scene at feeding-time is well worth watching for. I feel sure if you +were to begin to care for these little feathered pensioners on human +bounty, you would find so much pleasure in doing it that nothing would +induce you to give up the practice. + +As I have advised nurses on no account to conceal any accident that may +happen to the children under their care, so I would earnestly urge all +servants to tell, and at once, of any breakage or injury to furniture. +I say at once, because delay in telling always makes the task more +difficult. + +It is a mean thing, and an acted untruth, for a servant to hide away +the fragments of broken articles, conceal the mischief done, and, +perhaps, leave the place without telling what has happened. Two +unpleasant results are likely to follow. A fellow-servant may be blamed +for that of which she is innocent; a mistress may be put to serious +inconvenience for want of an article which she believed to be safe and +sound, though really it had been long broken. + +Very often she will be met with a look of combined protest and mock +astonishment when she asks for particulars. ‘Oh, that was done months +since,’ is the reply given. As though the length of time which had +elapsed made the loss less annoying, or the concealment less to be +condemned. + +Two wealthy bachelors, whose establishment was nominally under the rule +of a cook-housekeeper, were one day surprised to find that out of a +large and fine set of cut wine-glasses, none remained but those they +were using at the moment. The waitress was considered responsible for +the safe keeping of table appointments, and she had gone on breaking +and hiding, until, when a visitor came, there was no spare glass to +place for his use. + +The wrath of the masters may be better imagined than described. It was, +however, less the loss of their property than the deceit and consequent +annoyance which caused them to arrange for the prompt departure of that +waitress. + +So again I say, tell and at once of any accident to your employer’s +property. At the moment, perhaps, vexation at the loss may try your +mistress’s temper, and you may be sharply reproved. Express your +sorrow, if you have been careless, try to be more careful in the +future. Bear the reproof meekly, and, when the first irritation is +past, you will find that the prompt confession has helped to build up +your own character for truthfulness and straightforwardness. It is not +unlikely that the mistress will afterwards say something of this kind: +‘I was vexed at the moment, but I am glad you told me the truth.’ And +in speaking of you to others she may blame you for carelessness; but +she will be able to say, ‘I can trust her word.’ At any rate, your own +conscience will tell you that you have not added a wilful sin to an +unintentional error. + +And the ladies who rule in the house should encourage their handmaidens +to tell the truth in any and every case of accident. It is rather hard +to keep from speaking sharply when some fragile but much-valued article +has been smashed to atoms by careless hands. But if the culprit’s +confession and expressions of sorrow are met with scolding and harsh +words, the offender is very likely to hold her peace and hide the +fragments, should she meet with a second mishap of the kind. Not that +it would be right to do so; but the temptation to take such a course +would be vastly increased. + +Where, however, a mistress has her patience tried by repeated acts +of carelessness, and the almost wilful destruction of property, she +has the remedy in her own hands. She must either have a distinct +understanding that whoever breaks pays, or she must part with the +author of the mischief. + +Punctuality in carrying out household arrangements is valuable in every +home, as tending to make the domestic machinery run smoothly. In some +houses it is of vital importance. Yet, all the members of a family +depend more or less on each other for the power to be punctual with +comfort--the children who have to go to school, the father who must be +at his place of business, the servants whose work should be completed +by a given time. + +A lady who was about to engage a cook was extremely particular in her +inquiries about the habitual punctuality of the applicant. + +‘I can be punctual if the family can,’ was the answer. ‘I like to be +regular and orderly about my work, and am prepared to be so. But my +difficulty has mostly been to get other people to be the same.’ + +The girl spoke respectfully, and was quite in earnest. The lady +she addressed felt a guilty flush creeping over her own face as +she listened. She knew very well that, whilst professing to exact +punctuality in others, she was often sadly deficient in the practice of +that virtue. + +There is no doubt, however, that a punctual mistress will make her +servants keep to the proper time; but it is by no means equally sure +that punctuality in the employed would have the same effect on the +employers. These will sometimes say to servants, ‘You must have the +meals on the table at the time. Never mind whether any one is there +to eat them or not.’ But this would be a most unsatisfactory state of +things. The cook would grieve over spoiled dishes; the waiting damsel +would be uncomfortable; and, depend on it, the blame would be placed on +clocks, on servants, on anything and anybody rather than applied to +themselves by those who grumble over a cold or lukewarm dinner. + +I shall not soon forget my return from town on one occasion. I was +half an hour late, and after I came into the house I stopped on my way +upstairs to speak to a seamstress about some working materials which I +had brought back with me. On finally descending I was met in the hall +by that methodical cook of whom I have already written. + +‘Ma’am! Are you aware that the dinner is starving?’ (meaning, ‘getting +cold,’) she asked with a reproachful look on her face. + +I hope I felt properly guilty. I know I blushed and said, +apologetically, that if such were the case I was to blame, and not she. +And I hurried to my place at table, convinced that punctuality ought to +be an all-round thing, and, if exacted from servants, should also be +practised by all the members of the family. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +ON FAULT-FINDING--GIVING NOTICE TO LEAVE--AND GIVING CHARACTERS. + + +There are two practices not altogether unknown amongst servants +against which it is hardly possible to protest too strongly. I allude +to those of listening, in order to find out things never intended for +their ears, and of prying into odd papers or letters, accidentally or +trustfully left within reach. No right-minded girl, no person deserving +the name of Christian, would be guilty of either practice. + +If employers leave their letters and papers lying about, this certainly +implies trust in their servants, and that they believe them to be too +upright and honourable to be guilty of prying into their contents. If +they speak of private matters in such a place and tone that their +servants could hear if they were mean enough to listen, it is a proof +that they do not think them capable of such an underhand proceeding. +Deserve their good opinion, dear girls, and preserve your self-respect +by scorning to do, when unseen, what you would be ashamed of if +detected in the act. + +Servants sometimes complain that mistresses are unreasonably +suspicious, and act as though they expected to be cheated at every +turn--that, like Dickens’s Miss Sally Brass, they would padlock +everything, down to the very salt-box, until ‘there was nothing that +a chameleon could lunch upon’--and manifest to those whom they employ +a prying spirit which they would be the first to complain of in their +servants. This spirit is, however, often the harvest reaped by an +upright girl from the seeds sown by a deceitful and dishonest one. +When a mistress has trusted and been deceived, she is apt to become +suspicious where there is no occasion to be so. The only remedy is for +the new-comer so to act as to show that the more her conduct is looked +into, the better _she_ will be satisfied, as well as her mistress. + +If, however, after a fair trial, the habit of locking up every little +thing and incessant mistrustfulness should continue, a girl would be +right to try for another place, where truth and honesty were better +understood and appreciated. Were I a servant, I could not endure the +harass of being constantly suspected and misjudged, any more than as a +mistress I would, after a fair trial, keep a servant whom I could not +both trust and respect. + +People tell us that now-a-days there are no old servants--that where a +seven years’ character used to be a common thing, one for twelve months +or two years should be reckoned very good indeed. I do not agree with +these sweeping statements, and my own home experience contradicts them. +But I am well aware that, in many households, there is a perpetual game +of Marjory-move-all going on. I believe this is for want of a little +more reasonableness on both sides. + +Small difficulties, which might be got over by a little patience, twist +themselves into a knot which is summarily cut by the usual month’s +warning. If I could only persuade you never to give warning on the day +that something has occurred to irritate you, I should save many of +you from throwing away a good place. But if, yielding to a momentary +irritation, you have done this, and are sorry for it, do not be too +proud to own that you were wrong, and ask forgiveness and permission +to withdraw the notice. Your mistress will respect you and value your +services all the more after such a display of right feeling and good +sense. + +To young mistresses I venture a word of advice. If you have +something to complain about, always call your servants into your own +sitting-room, after the day’s work is over, and point out the fault +kindly and reasonably. Say what is wrong and how it is to be amended, +and be firm in exacting attention and future obedience to your orders. + +Never squabble with or rate your servants. By doing so you lose your +own dignity and their respect. Never reprove them in the presence of +visitors. Few things are more calculated to irritate, or to provoke a +disrespectful reply; besides which, it renders the guests extremely +uncomfortable. + +I once saw a lady who had a very _correct eye_, and who was very +particular about her table arrangements, seize upon a young servant, +whisk her round as she was about to leave the room, and angrily direct +her attention to a dish which was the least bit awry. The girl, a +new-comer, young, inexperienced, and fresh from the country, blushed, +trembled, and seemed ready to sink through the floor, had it been +possible. Frightened at the angry looks of her mistress, and confused +at being made a centre of observation to all those strange eyes, she +was, moreover, unable to comprehend what was amiss. By the time the +lady had, by shakes and jerks, aroused her to a sense of the mistake +she had committed, the poor girl was hopelessly unnerved and in tears. + +One blunder followed another. She handed dishes at the wrong side, +spilled the liquids when attempting to pour them into glasses, was +glared at by the mistress, secretly pitied by the guests, and occupied +herself between times in furtively using her handkerchief to wipe away +the tears which, once set flowing, were not easily stopped. + +Yet an unnoticed touch from the deft hand of the lady would have +straightened the dish. A few kind words and a little lesson in +private, instead of the course pursued, would have revealed a +disposition willing to be taught and led in the servant, and have +shown the capability of the mistress to model her into a first-class +parlour-maid. As it was, the girl left as soon as possible, and the +mistress had to seek another maid--a difficult matter, for she had got +the character of being perpetually changing her domestics. This is a +real picture, and one which, with trifling variation in actual detail, +I have seen enacted again and again. + +‘Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal, knowing +that ye also have a Master in heaven.’ + +This advice or command, given by the hand of an inspired apostle, +applies to all who bear rule over servants, whether in the place of +business or the home--to mistresses as well as masters. And surely in +giving that which is just and equal, we have to think of more than a +mere question of wages. We should be just in our acts, reasonable in +our requirements, and even in our tempers, to those who serve us. + +I know one lady who, when the smallest portion of the household +machinery went wrong, would fly into a violent passion and say all +sorts of unjust and harsh things to the author of the mishap. Being, +like most hasty people, very generous, she would next lavish gifts on +those to whom conscience told her she had been too severe. Her maids +calculated on this result, and one was heard to say that she enjoyed a +‘flare-up’ with the mistress. Her temper was soon up, but as soon over. +It was worth while to put up with it quietly, ‘it paid so well in the +end.’ + +‘Be just and equal.’ A short sentence, but how much it says! Give +praise heartily where it is fairly earned. Be equally just in pointing +out what is wrong, and firm in enforcing obedience, but do it in a +reasonable way--not in the heat of passion or in the presence of +others, but so as to convince your servants that you know both your +own place and their duty. + +Young wives, who in their early married life are often much alone, +sometimes make the mistake of first being over-confidential and +familiar, and then of going into the opposite extreme. They have +fault-finding fits, and the damsel who has been treated as a friend and +_confidante_ on one day cannot understand why her girl-mistress should +on the next be sharp in speech and distant in manner. If we mistresses +wish to be respected, we must, as I have said, be equal in temper, +reasonable in our requirements, and just in our judgments. + +I have alluded to the giving of hasty notices by servants, and +suggested how these should act if they feel they are likely to throw +away a good place, and are sorry for it. As a mistress, I would not +advise another to ask a girl to withdraw a notice given in a fit of +temper. However valuable her services might be, she had better be +allowed to go unless she herself asks to stay, and owns that she has +been wrong. + +Were the mistress to ask the servant, the latter would probably get it +into her head that she was too valuable to be spared, and the notice +would be repeated whenever she was found fault with, until a separation +became inevitable. Reasonable Christian girls have too much common +sense and right feeling to act in this foolish manner. + +On the other hand, if the mistress has been the one to give a hasty +warning, and conscience tells her that she has acted on impulse and +without a fair consideration of the grievance, I do not think she would +lessen herself, or lose the respect of her servant, by frankly saying +so, and asking the latter to remain. A good servant would show no +foolish triumph, and would give herself no airs. On the contrary, she +would manifest her sense of her mistress’s fairness by extra gentleness +of speech and manners. + +It is good alike for mistress and maid, for the mother of the family, +and the young people, down to the little one who is only able to lisp +out his request, to practise always and under the home-roof the same +politeness that we take with us into the outer world. + +There is an old saying, that ‘No man is a hero to his valet.’ The +meaning is plain. The outside world too often gets the best side of us +all. At home, we give way to little tempers, use hasty words, and act +towards those whom we profess to love best as we would not do in the +presence of strangers. Sometimes the mistress who is admired and sought +after, the girls who are called charming in society, even the little +children who have two sets of manners, one for home and the other for +company use, have different verdicts passed upon them by those who +serve in the house. + +‘She’s no lady, or she wouldn’t speak to a servant worse than to a +dog,’ is not an uncommon expression with regard to a mistress. Or, ‘If +some of these fine young gentlemen could see our pretty young miss in +one of her tempers, she wouldn’t be so run after,’ etc., etc. + +Dear young mistresses, dear girls who look forward to being such, let +me give you a hint or two. Be loving, kind, considerate, courteous, +sympathetic, thoughtful for others, careful not to wound the feelings +of those who dwell under the same roof with you. _Practise true +politeness there, every day and to every one with whom you have to do._ +Teach it to the little children, both by precept and example, and you +will be doing them an inestimable service and yourselves also. That +which is learned in childhood abides. That which is in hourly use is +not likely to be forgotten. Those who are loved for their own sakes in +the home, and whose manners are admired there, are certain to win love +and to be charming when outside that hallowed circle and under other +roofs. + +It is next to impossible for a servant to treat a mistress rudely +if the latter carries her own politeness and good manners with her +wherever she goes. And the real daughters of the family will lose +no dignity, but gain much love, if they, too, thoughtfully strive +to lighten the work of servants by giving no needless trouble--if, +thankfully remembering the goodness of God in giving them many +advantages of education and surroundings not possessed by their toiling +sisters of the household, they try to make the lot of these brighter +and happier. They may do this by kindly consideration, feminine +sympathy, pleasant words and looks, by imparting useful information, +by lending suitable books; by acting in accordance with the spirit +and teaching of our Divine Lord and Master; in short, by obeying His +command, ‘Love one another.’ ‘Whatsoever ye would that men should do to +you, do ye even so to them.’ + +We must show that we do not wish to exact all, and give nothing. We +must manifest an interest in our servants, and in those near and dear +to them. We must give a tender, womanly thought to the little, lonely +lassie who, having come to her first place, is frightened at the sight +of so many strangers, and yearns for the familiar faces she has left +behind. + +Our responsibilities extend beyond the threshold. If a mistress is +a mother also, surely the thought of her own daughters will make +her anxious to preserve every girl from what is impure or morally +injurious. The young mistresses, in their turn, will feel anxious for +the well-being of their domestics, and will strive to guard them from +all evil influences, as they themselves have been guarded in their +girlhoods’ homes. + +We mistresses, each and all, should assure ourselves that our girls +pass their Sundays as God’s children should spend His day. We should +give them opportunities of enjoying the fresh air, which is as needful +for their health as for our own. But if the girls are at a distance +from their own homes and friends, we should ascertain what associates +they have, and where and how a holiday is likely to be spent. We shall +feel that it is our bounden duty to guard from contaminating influences +these girls--the daughters of other mothers, who have been intrusted to +our care, as well as to work for us and under our rule. + +We shall encourage them to consult us in seasons of doubt, difficulty, +or temptation. We shall help them to decide on taking the right course, +and cheer and strengthen them in their efforts to resist evil. + +We, too, shall have our reward; though we work not with any thought of +benefit to ourselves, but with a single-hearted desire to do good to +others. There are certain tasks and duties the performance of which can +be bargained for, certain work that can be paid for in current coin of +the realm. But there are numberless services, labours of love, which we +cannot demand and money cannot buy. In such as these we shall reap an +abundant harvest. + +There is another matter in which we should be just and equal; namely, +in the giving of characters. Alike for the sake of the servant herself +and the future mistress, we should be equally frank and impartial. Few +mistresses willingly give the worst side of a servant’s character. +There is always the feeling that a girl’s bread depends on her +obtaining a situation, and that ill-success may drive her to evil +courses. So, whilst no untruth is told, the whole truth certainly +is not. All that can be said for the departing servant is said, the +damaging circumstances are glossed over or wholly suppressed, and +perhaps the lady comforts herself with the thought that she has done a +kind act. + +Some much-pressed house-mother takes the girl. She has probably been +unsuccessful in obtaining one, and the domestic emergency is great. +Too soon she finds out how one-sided was the character given--out of +kindness, or from fear of consequences it may be--and she feels that +she has been cruelly deceived. + +Ah, these half-truths! What mischief they do! I have always felt the +importance of being just and equal in this respect, and that I owed a +duty to the mistress in search of a servant, as much as to the girl +in want of a place. ‘The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the +truth,’ should be our motto in character-giving. + +That one and only bad servant I ever had would never have crossed our +threshold but for the written character sent by her then mistress. +When, after a few weeks of bitter experience, I came to analyse it, I +wondered that I could have been deceived by such evasive answers to my +queries, such self-evident half-truths. + +That very servant, finding that no one would engage her, after an +interview with me, wrote one of the most remarkable letters it was +ever my lot to receive. Without for a moment professing regret for her +wrong-doing, or a desire and determination to amend, she asked me to +tell a falsehood in order to hide her untruthfulness and dishonesty, +and obtain for her another place in which to resume her career of +wickedness. What I did was to visit the different register offices at +which she had entered her name, and warn those who kept them not to +send to me for a character, as I would only tell the truth, and this +would prevent any lady from engaging her. + +Occasionally one finds that an employer will give a tolerably +favourable character, but accompany her words with looks and manner +which seem to say, ‘I could tell more if I chose, but I will not;’ or +will merely state that the servant herself gave notice, and left by her +own wish. This is neither fair to employer nor servant. A girl may have +many excellent qualities, yet not prove equal to the duties she has +undertaken. In such a case, I should, were I her mistress, look round +for a vacant niche which she was likely to fill, and help her to obtain +it. I have done so more than once with most satisfactory results. But +I would never allow an inquiring mistress to be deceived, or to take +into her house the seeds of trouble in the shape of an untruthful or +impure-minded girl, for lack, on my part, of courage to speak of such a +one as she is. + +Let us, by all means, help the fallen to rise again, and stretch out +the hand of love and pity to the penitent. But let us, mistresses, +young and old, be true to others and to ourselves, and not show our +compassion by concealing the truth, or help the wrong-doer to obtain a +place by sacrificing the peace of our neighbour’s household. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +DRESS--VISITORS AND SYMPATHY IN CHRISTIAN WORK. + + +Formerly, there was such a decided difference between the dress of +mistress and maid that there was no mistaking the one for the other. +Now, much greater latitude is permitted; and it is sometimes said that, +if we wish to distinguish the mistress, we must look for the more +plainly dressed of the two when the maid is also present. Some ladies +do not interfere in the matter so long as their domestics dress quietly +and neatly when on duty. + +Without going far into the question, let me give you a little advice +on the subject. It will be just the same as I would offer to my own +children or to any other girl who might wish for it. Regulate the +amount you spend by your actual requirements. Do not spend all you can +upon dress just because you have the money. Remember there are other +ways in which your spare wages may be wisely and well laid out or laid +by. I say laid by, because, whatever be your income, you should try to +save something out of it for the proverbial rainy day. There are plenty +of ways by which thrifty people may save and invest even very small +sums, and by a penny at a time, if they can afford no more. + +For instance, the post office will supply you with a form on which you +can stick a new postage stamp, bought with a spare penny. When twelve +stamps have thus been affixed, you can take them to the post office, +receive back their value in the shape of a shilling, and make that your +first deposit in the savings bank there. Make a beginning, and you are +almost sure to go on. If you can spare a shilling at a time, you need +not buy stamps, but become a savings bank depositor at once. + +It is a pleasant thing to have a little money, your own honest +earnings, to fall back upon if sickness should come or you are out of +place. Or you may help the good father and mother to whom you owe so +much, or, if they do not need it, in due time spend your earnings on +furnishing your future home. Which of us at some time has not known a +girl who, having spent all her means on ‘fine feathers,’ has had to be +a burden on hard-working parents in such seasons of trouble as come +with sickness or want of employment? + +Then, beside laying by money, you should have some to lend or lay out +in our Master’s service. Because you are young girls in situations, are +you to have no share in Christian work, to do nothing for love of that +dear Saviour who gave His life for you? You would be very angry indeed +if any one were to say that you should have neither part nor lot in +sending missionaries to the heathen, at home and abroad, in spreading +the written Word of God, so that all may possess a copy, or in caring +for the sick and suffering in homes and hospitals. + +My own experience shows me that many amongst you give almost beyond +your means, and contribute nobly and lovingly to many a good work. If +some have not done so, they will, I trust, take this reminder in good +part, and spare a trifle, remembering that most of our great societies +owe more to the small contributions of the many than to the larger ones +of the few. + +Going back to the subject of dress, let me advise you to choose quiet +colours and as good a material as you can afford. Such will never +become conspicuous, they will wear double the time, look well to the +last bit, and cost no more for making than the commonest stuff you +could purchase; so there would be a real saving, to begin with, in this +last item. + +Have your gowns made well, but in a simple style. There is no reason +why you should not display excellent taste in this matter. But good +taste never chooses staring colours or extreme styles which are likely +to attract notice and encourage rude remarks on the _fast_ appearance +of the wearer. Good taste never loads poor materials with tawdry +trimmings, which only make a dress look shabby the sooner, and are +equally costly and useless. Good taste and good sense alike suggest +that our clothing should be in accordance with our means, and fitted +for the work we have to do and the position we occupy in the world. + +The above rules apply equally to every article worn. Never sacrifice +the comfort of having a good supply of warm, well-made underclothing, +and of being neatly and strongly shod, for the sake of mere outside +finery, such as you are perhaps half-ashamed to wear, knowing that it +is unsuitable, and wholly afraid to be seen in by your hard-working, +sensible mother. + +Lastly, save the money to pay for what you buy at the time when you +get it. Those who have to run into debt usually pay dearly for the +accommodation, and especially those who can least afford the extra +price. Tradesmen know quite well that they run some risk in trusting +young girls, who generally have nothing but their wages to fall back +upon, and whom sickness might deprive of the power to earn any. Extra +risks must mean the putting on of extra profits, and thus those who run +into debt pay a higher price for their articles than those who go money +in hand. + +Now a word about visitors. Some mistresses draw a very hard-and-fast +line on this subject, and will allow none. Servants may visit their +friends at stated intervals, but they are forbidden to receive even +those nearest and dearest to them under the roof which shelters +themselves. Most mistresses, I believe, act differently from this, and, +considering what their own children would feel if they were amongst +strangers, allow all reasonable liberty in this respect. A right-minded +girl will never abuse this privilege, or try to introduce into the +house of her employers any person of whose presence they would be +likely to disapprove. + +Remember, it is your duty to fall in with the rules of the household in +which you serve, and employers have often very good reasons for such as +may appear too strict in your eyes. In this, as in all your dealings, +act straightforwardly, and never bring in a visitor by stealth, or +in the absence of the family. Many a robbery has been successfully +carried out through the folly of young servants who have listened to +the flattering words of chance acquaintances whose real object was to +obtain a knowledge of the premises, and to find out where the valuables +were kept. Through such visitors a servant’s character has been lost, +and a girl who would not have taken a farthing dishonestly has been +suspected of being an accomplice of thieves, and punished as such. + +When visitors come by permission of the mistress, I think the latter +should always see them, say a few words of kindly welcome, ask after +the other members of the absent family, and thus manifest her interest +in what gives pleasure to her maid. She will not be the worse served +for doing this, and for showing that, amid her own household cares and +occupations, she has a heart large enough and warm enough to sympathise +with the joys and sorrows of all around her. + +But there may be, and I trust there often is, a far stronger bond of +union between mistress and servant than any which could result from the +mere fact of being placed in these relations one towards another. It is +not work well done and wages regularly paid--not the mere ministering +on the one hand and being ministered to on the other--not the being +members of the same household band and dwelling under the same roof, +which can create this bond of union to which I have alluded. + +No, there is something better still. It is the recognition of the great +truth that, while there may be a difference in our social positions and +duties here, we are alike servants of a Heavenly Master. If we are both +Christians we are sisters in Christ, members of one body, and looking +to one glorified Head, children of the same family, with God Himself +for our Father. + +Some years ago I read a brief extract from an article which was +published in one of the reviews--I think the _Nineteenth Century_--and +by a lady writer. Though I never read the whole article, I remember +the little portion I did see, and how the author suggested that we +mistresses should give our servants a share with ourselves in some +special Christian work, such as visiting and relieving the sick poor, +etc. She also stated her belief that no lady’s work could have its +full value unless united with such help, and no relations with outside +helpers could equal those which might subsist between Christian +mistress and maid, living under one roof, knowing each other’s +weaknesses, and engaged in a work where the one who in other respects +was first might be last, and the last first. + +I have no copy of the words, and do not profess to quote them +literally. But I remember the impression they produced on my mind, +because they agreed not only with my own opinion, but with my practice +and the experience of years. I read the words aloud to a young girl +who was at the moment preparing the table for dinner, and, as I +finished them, said,-- + +‘We realized the truth of what this lady has written a long time ago, +did we not?’ + +‘Yes, indeed,’ she said, her face glowing with honest pleasure, for +she was and is my willing and capable helper in the conduct of a large +mothers’ meeting--entering heart and soul into the work, respected and +loved by the members of the class. + +And those who are at home whilst she and I are at the class help +also, for they take the share of work which does not belong to their +departments during her absence. I am thankful to say that we never hear +any one of them say, ‘It is not my place,’ but that they work together +as members of a family, and, above all, as God’s children. + +Years before, another girl who is now a happy wife and mother, rendered +me the same kind of help at the class, and with equal interest and +heartiness. + +Going further back still, there comes before my mind’s eye the picture +of a bright young face, that of a housemaid then in our service. I was +ailing for some time and unable to go out on Sunday evenings; and when +it was this girl’s turn to stay in the house, I always called her to +sit with me, that we might talk, read, and pray together. I do not +remember ever spending evenings at home with more true pleasure and +spiritual profit than these. + +The girl was such a bright Christian; and when she began to speak of +the way in which she had been led to realize the great love of our +Father, God, in giving His dear Son to die for sinners, and of her +share in that finished work, I used to think her dear, earnest face was +one of the sweetest pictures that my eyes ever rested upon. + +I never think of her without remembering the happy seasons of truly +Christian communion we enjoyed, and offering a prayer that her +influence in her own home may always be an equally blessed and useful +one to what it was in ours. She would teach our children sweet hymns, +both words and tunes, and it used to be delightful to hear her rich, +full voice mingling with their childish ones in songs of praise to God. + +At that time a very dear friend, a clergyman, was a frequent visitor +at our house. None of our servants attended his church, but he never +crossed our threshold without saying a few kind words to whichever he +happened to see. He would ask after their health with the same courtesy +that he manifested towards the heads of the family, and contrive, in +a few syllables, to show them that he was ever solicitous to leave a +little message from his Divine Master, to sow a little seed which might +produce fruit to His glory, and for the good of an immortal soul. + +How this was appreciated by our girls, and especially by the dear +lassie to whom I have alluded! How she would try to repay the interest +thus manifested by the most thoughtful attentions that she could show +when waiting at table! The clergyman’s health was failing at the time, +and he was ordered to winter abroad. On his return, the young waitress +was the first to see him approaching the house, and, noticing that our +dear friend was looking weaker and more worn than when he left England, +she came to me sobbing and with her good, true face expressing the +deepest sorrow. + +I thought she must have received bad news from home, but as soon as she +could answer she explained the cause of her tears. ‘It is not that,’ +she said. ‘_They_ are all well; but Mr. ---- is coming up the walk, and +he is looking worse than ever. He is stooping like quite an old man. +I am so sorry, I am so sorry. He is so kind and good.’ Some one else +had to answer the door to our friend, who, not seeing the usual face, +inquired after the girl. He was deeply touched on finding that her +tears and trouble on his account had made her absolutely unable to meet +him. + +During dinner, when the girl was in attendance, it was pleasant to see +the manner in which she showed her grateful sympathy by anticipating +the clergyman’s slightest want, by offering a little dainty dish in a +sort of beseeching way, and venturing to hint that it was ‘very nice,’ +as she lingered a moment to see if he would recall his first refusal. + +Our friend’s wan face lighted with a kindly smile as he said, ‘I _must_ +taste this, as you say it is so good;’ and he helped himself to a small +portion, to the girl’s great delight. + +Afterwards he spoke of this little incident, and of the true sympathy +with his weakness and suffering which she manifested in every word and +act. + +‘In these days,’ he said, ‘a kind of stony unconsciousness is generally +required in table attendants. But for my part, I would rather have your +bright-faced waitress, whose countenance is perpetually reflecting the +quick sympathies of her true, warm heart, than a whole regiment of +well-drilled waiting machines.’ + +Do not imagine for an instant that this sympathy in work and +consequent familiar intercourse ever made our servants less obedient +or respectful. The contrary was the case. Communion in Christian work, +life, and aim, whilst it will bring about frequent and close familiar +intercourse between mistress and maid, would be the last thing in the +world to engender the sort of familiarity which ‘breeds contempt.’ + +No. This kind of union will be productive of mutual and ever-growing +affection and respect, and will alike tend to the well-being of the +family itself, and of all who are brought within the sphere of its +influence. Those who are Christ’s servants are always more faithful to +their earthly employers than are any others. Those who, filling the +place of mistresses, most earnestly desire to serve the Lord, are ever +the most patient in dealing with others, and most truly reasonable in +their requirements. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +‘FOLLOWERS’--HELPS TO YOUNG SERVANTS--GIFTS FROM VISITORS. + + +‘No followers allowed.’ + +These words form no unfrequent ending to an advertisement in that +column wherein the wants of mistresses are specially set forth. The +expression is very comprehensive, and no doubt intended to take in +visitors of every class that might be likely to inquire for a servant. +But in most minds the word ‘follower’ has its particular as well as +its general meaning, and one always associates it with a masculine +hanger-on. + +In a former chapter of this volume I said a few words about general +visitors, and what should be the conduct both of mistresses and maids +with regard to them. Now we will consider the ‘follower’ who may be +trying to gain the affection of one of our servants, or be actually +engaged to her. + +We who are mothers know by experience how deep is the interest excited +throughout the whole family by the engagement of a much-loved child, +especially that of a daughter. Perhaps it is even greater than in the +case of a son, though our boys and girls are equally dear to us. But +there is a difference in the way we look at them when the time comes +for marrying and giving in marriage. + +Probably for years before our son takes such a step he has been going +in and out in the world, playing the man’s part, and fighting its +battles side by side with other men. From protecting them as she used +to do, the gentle mother has learned to look up to her stalwart sons +as the ones on whom, next to the father, she might herself lean. And +when one of her boys goes out from the old roof to a home of his own, +it is to take under his firm, but, we trust, tender guardianship, the +daughter of some other loving mother. The son leaves father and mother, +and cleaves to the wife whom he is pledged to protect, to comfort, to +cherish, and to keep while life lasts. + +But the daughter’s out-going is different. She leaves the shelter of +her old home, and the loving arms of the parents whose tender foresight +has hitherto anticipated her wants and shielded her from every blast of +trouble or temptation that human guardians have power to turn aside. + +The boy went out years ago, rejoicing in his youth and masculine +strength, and proud to put it to the proof. The girl, when she passes +from the roof of her parents to be mistress under that of a husband, +often goes out to act an independent part for the first time in her +life. Feeling doubtful as to her perfect fitness for the solemn duties +before her, she looks back for counsel and guidance to the one who, if +a true mother, has ever been ready with both. And the mother, if she +is also a wise one, will advise without interfering, and influence for +good without intruding on the almost sacred independence of her child’s +new position and the privacy of her home. + +Naturally, from the very instant that the daughter is sought, the +mother is on the alert to satisfy herself as to the worthiness of +him who seeks to win her child. The subject is all-important, for it +involves the happiness or misery of her darling’s future life, and, as +a matter of sympathy, will seriously affect her own. Should she believe +the individual unworthy, what efforts will she not make to shield her +child from the evil which would result from a connection with him? If +otherwise, how the mother’s memory goes back to her own young days, +and, in the happiness of her daughter, lives them over again. Her heart +expands to take in another son, her mind is full of plans on behalf of +her darling, and she rejoices over her and with her with exceeding joy. + +Why have I written all this about mother and daughter, and of the days +when the girl is sought, wooed, and won? What has this to do with the +little maid in the kitchen, or the neat-handed Phillis who waits so +deftly at table, and who, while constrained to look unconscious, is +very wide awake as to what is going on, and, for reasons of her own, +very full of sympathy? Why? Because surely the mother whose interest +in her own daughter’s welfare is so deep and absorbing, should have +a little care and sympathy and interest to spare for her young +kitchen-maid or pretty waiting damsel, whose circumstances are in some +respects similar to those of her darling girl. + +These have had to leave their mothers very early in life. Often when +they are still children, barely in their teens, the young creatures +have begun breadwinning, and learned to shift and act for themselves +when they most needed the mother’s eye to watch over them, and the +wise word which might have kept many a wanderer from straying into +dangerous paths. Surely, when we take these girls to be members of our +households, we should try not only to guard the safety of our homes, +but the safety and purity of these daughters of far-away mothers. + +The rule, ‘No followers allowed,’ carried out with rigid particularity, +may preserve our houses from idle or dangerous intruders; but, on +the other hand, it throws our young servants more into the power of +worthless and dissolute young men, who seek their company with no good +intentions towards them. Sometimes, perhaps, such followers may only +want to while away an idle hour in the company of a bright girl with +a pretty face, and the girl may think no harm can result from merely +talking to, or walking out with, one of whom she knows almost nothing, +and whose acquaintance she has made in the street. + +But the end of such intercourse is often very sad, too sad to say much +about in these pages. Often the young, ignorant country girl, new to +town service and city ways, is induced to accompany her ‘follower’ +to some objectionable place of amusement. She stays out later than +the appointed hour for her return, and gets into disgrace with her +employers, who threaten dismissal should the offence be repeated. + +Perhaps the ‘follower’ next waylays the girl as she is going on an +errand, hears the story of her mistress’s displeasure, laughs at it, +and encourages the foolish young thing to ‘give it her back.’ The +girl believes what she is told, that she can get as good a place any +day, for there are more places than servants to fill them. She likes +the flattery which praises her pretty face, and carries out the evil +counsel of the wily tongue. + +Again the mistress has to chide her for her lagging steps, having been +kept waiting whilst her young messenger spent her time in gossip. The +lady has cause for complaint, and the girl knows it. But she has been +incited to rudeness and rebellion, and instead of expressing regret, +or promising amendment, she is saucy and defiant at first, then sullen +and disobedient. So begins the trouble which too often ends in loss of +place and character to the girl herself, and of life-long sorrow to the +mother in her country home. + +This is one instance where a little motherly oversight and a few wise +words spoken kindly and in season might have saved a young life from +blight and sorrow. I say might, I dare not say would, because there are +girls who are too headstrong to permit the interference of a mistress +in matters with which they consider she has nothing to do. + +Perhaps the mistress is too much put out by the girl’s conduct to take +this trouble. She sees her wilful, pert, or sullen, and concludes to +let her take her own way, saying to herself, ‘She will rue it before +long. She will have to pay for her folly and impertinence, and wish too +late that she had valued the home she now enjoys under this roof.’ + +Dear mistresses, let me plead with you on behalf of these wilful young +creatures who rush headlong into the society and the paths which cannot +tend to good. Do not let their folly influence you to loose even the +weak hold you may have upon them, without an effort to save them from +themselves. ‘Be not overcome of evil,’ but strive ‘to overcome evil +with good.’ You are older, have greater experience, and should also +have more self-control. So conquer the inclination to be angry, though +you may be justly displeased. Think of your own young days, when +you had, and most likely needed, constant oversight, patience, and +forbearance from a tender mother. Think how you were guarded all round +from the risks which your young handmaiden, so early sent out into the +world, has to encounter at every step of her way, and how in turn you +guard your own more favoured children from the chance of temptation. +And thinking of all these things, lay a kind hand upon the girl’s +shoulder. Look into her face with an expression on yours which shall +tell her that it is because her well-being is dear to you that you seek +her confidence, and desire to restrain her steps and influence her in +the choice of her companions. + +If you succeed in convincing the girl of your anxiety for her real +good, and save her from the probable consequences of her giddiness and +folly, she will bless you, and most likely repay you by future faithful +service. And if not, you will have done what you could; and while you +may grieve over your ill success, conscience will approve, and the +effort that sprang from a loving motherly heart will not be forgotten +by the Master you have striven to obey and imitate. + +As your true friend, dear girls, let me urge you to receive in a +right spirit the advice of your employers, even in things which you, +perhaps, think outside their province. The daughter, though out of a +mother’s sight, would not say that she was for that reason freed from +a mother’s authority. If, therefore, a mistress interests herself in +your well-being when you are outside the home, is desirous that your +companions should be of the right kind, and inquires especially into +the character, conduct, and prospects of any one who may seek you for a +wife, be thankful. Do not think that she does it out of a prying spirit +or to serve any selfish end. Remember, it is just what she has done in +the case of her own child, and rejoice that she cares enough for you to +be anxious, not only for your present comfort, but for your life-long +happiness. + +Mistresses should encourage, and servants should practise, perfect +openness with regard to ‘followers’ or engagements. Yet there are +faults on both sides, faults of concealment and of selfishness which +ought not to exist. + +For instance, a young girl engaged herself as parlour-maid to a +lady who was accustomed to keep her servants a long time and to be +most considerate in her treatment of them. This girl went with an +excellent character. She had given up her place only because her late +employers were removing to a distance, and she did not wish to leave +the neighbourhood. Her parents’ home was near, and this seemed quite a +sufficient reason why she did not choose to quit it. + +The girl’s conduct fully justified the character given, and the lady +congratulated herself on having so easily filled the vacancy caused by +the marriage of a much-valued servant. At the end of two months, she +was amazed at receiving the usual notice from Hannah that she was about +to give up her place. + +‘Leave in a month!’ said the lady. ‘You cannot mean it. You are only +just settled, as it were, and I am thoroughly satisfied with the way in +which you do your work. I looked forward to keeping you for years. What +is your reason for wishing to go?’ + +The girl hesitated, blushed, and at last owned that she was going to be +married at the month’s end. + +Thinking that Hannah must have entered into the engagement very +suddenly, the lady asked her if she were well acquainted with the +character of the man to whom she was so soon to be united. + +‘Oh dear, yes, ma’am,’ replied Hannah cheerfully. ‘We went to school +together when we were quite little children. We have been engaged five +years. It was because he lived here, and we were going to be married +so soon, that I would not leave this neighbourhood. I wanted to see to +things for our house, and to help George to choose what was wanted. I +couldn’t have done that if I had been at a distance, so I took your +place just for the three months, as I didn’t want to be idle or lose +that much of wages.’ + +The lady was justly annoyed at the girl’s selfishness, and said, ‘You +ought to have been frank with me, Hannah, and told me exactly how you +were situated. I little thought, as you went about doing your duties so +well, that all the while you were simply making a convenience of me and +my place to suit your own.’ + +Hannah looked a little ashamed, but, I am afraid, was better satisfied +at having gained her end than sorry for the annoyance caused to an +excellent mistress. + +Another instance of selfishness which came under my notice was on the +mistress’s side. Her children’s nurse, who had been most devoted to her +young charges, and stayed several years in her place, gave notice to +leave. She, too, was going to be married. + +‘How very tiresome!’ said the mistress, with a look of annoyance and +without one sympathetic word. ‘I never thought you would leave us. +But it is always the way with you servants. You never think of the +inconvenience a change may cause, and specially in the nursery. There +is Harry, poor child! you know he is so used to you that he will not +even let me attend to him. I wonder you have the heart to leave him.’ + +And the lady left the nursery with an injured look, to pour out her +grievances in the ear of her husband. + +The nurse had been allowed no chance of reply, or she could have told +that love for the invalid boy had induced her to put off her marriage +for a year, in order that she might watch him through a critical +period. That her devotion to Harry had supplied the maternal care the +boy needed, but would never have received from the selfish mother, +who would say, ‘I trust you thoroughly, Jephson.’ Then, with scarcely +a glance at her boy’s face, she would leave him to the care of the +faithful nurse, whilst her evenings were spent amid gay scenes and +under other roofs than her own. + +No wonder that Jephson felt bitterly the selfishness and want of +sympathy in her butterfly mistress, and left that house and the +children she had tended with a sore heart and a sense of injustice. + +‘After the way I was treated, I could not have said another word about +my own affairs for the world,’ she remarked. ‘I just stayed my time, +did my work same as usual, held my tongue, and left when the day came. +And the mistress sent my wages to me, and never came near to say +“good-bye,” or “I wish you well, Jephson.” It was hard to leave Master +Harry, bless him! and I don’t suppose his mamma will let him be brought +to see me. But I could not go to that house again, even for the child’s +sake, though I had lived so many years there.’ + +No wonder that even love for her nursling was insufficient to conquer +the faithful woman’s sense of his mother’s selfishness. In this case +the servant would have been only too glad to make her mistress fully +acquainted with her position. But, while the lady trusted the servant +with the care of her children, she neither felt nor manifested any +interest in the person who had so long relieved her conscience of a +sense of motherly responsibility towards her invalid boy. + +I turn gladly from the last-quoted instances of selfishness in both +mistress and maid, to recall much more agreeable pictures. I have +pleasant memories of good and modest girls, who gladly appealed to +the older and wiser heads of those they served, for the advice these +were willing to give. Memories, too, of employers who, having first +made careful inquiries into the characters of their servants’ suitors, +and satisfied themselves of their respectability, have given them +the privileges of seeing the girls at home, at reasonable times and +intervals. + +Surely this is the best way of protecting our young servants from +becoming a prey to the influence of bad or merely idle hangers-on, +whose acquaintance could not possibly be beneficial. For, consider, it +is no more unsuitable for our servants to look forward to marriage, as +a woman’s natural vocation, and a fitting end to service, than for our +daughters to expect that they will be wives and mothers in their turn. +Should we like our own girls to meet their lovers or affianced husbands +in the streets, or in the houses of persons other than parents, and who +have no power to influence them in any way? + +If our servants have parents living in the neighbourhood, the +responsibility naturally rests upon them. If not, a mistress can +scarcely rid herself of it, with respect to the young girls in her +service. I acknowledge that there are many drawbacks to the admission +of the servant’s suitor to the master’s roof. One is often found in +the shyness of a kindly, true-hearted young fellow himself, who means +nothing but what is honourable and right to the girl who has won his +affections. He has, perhaps, never crossed the threshold of such a +house as she inhabits, and he fears that he should feel very bashful +and awkward, especially in the presence of her fellow-servants. + +As a rule, the girl’s manners are superior to those of her suitor. She +may have come from a home like his own, and be the less educated of +the two, and yet he is sensible of a difference vastly in her favour, +because daily contact with persons of superior learning, position, and +refinement has effected a great improvement in her speech and manners. +So he is often the one to shrink from subjecting his country ways to +the scrutiny of city eyes. + +Again, as the kitchen is common ground for all the servants, there +is often a difficulty about the apartment in which a girl may see +her visitor. All such matters are for separate consideration, and +fellow-servants may act with kindly sympathy and true delicacy towards +each other under such circumstances. + +I have seen difficulties overcome, opportunities a little out of the +common afforded for the young people to meet respectably. Even an +occasional avoidance of a portion of the grounds by the family has +given Robert an opportunity of enjoying a pleasant stroll with Mary, or +an hour of blissful quiet beneath the friendly shelter of the little +summer-house, whilst the girl was actually within call the whole time. + +I have seen mistress and maid go out together when the latter was about +to begin housekeeping, that the former might give her the benefit of +her greater experience in making purchases for the future home. I well +remember one girl who said, ‘My bit of money would not have gone nearly +so far, if it had not been for my mistress’s kind advice. I had never +bought things for a house before, and I should have thought more about +looks than service in my purchases. But she knew all about the quality +and what would suit best, and she was so careful to see that I got my +money’s worth. I don’t know how to thank her.’ + +Was not this a pleasant experience both for mistress and maid? Was the +lady less honoured for her womanly and motherly conduct by the rest of +her domestics? Or did she receive less willing service, because she +had devoted a portion of time to promote the comfort of the girl after +she had passed from under her roof? Assuredly not. Every act that +shows recognition of one common humanity, and sympathy with its best +and holiest feelings, not only diffuses happiness, but brings it to +ourselves, and wins for us more hearty service. + +I never like to turn from a pleasant picture to an ugly one, but I +feel bound to give both sides. The rigid rule, ‘No followers allowed,’ +is very often made and enforced, because the confidence of employers +has been abused and kindness encroached upon. Trustworthy domestics +pay penalty for the faults of others; and those who think the rule too +severe, and are too upright to attempt evasion, will not take service +where it is in operation. + +I knew one young girl who applied for a situation, and was told by the +mistress that no servants’ visitor, male or female, was ever allowed +under her roof. ‘Then I need not trouble you any further, ma’am,’ said +the girl very respectfully. ‘I have been engaged for three years to +a young man whose character will bear looking into. We cannot marry +for years to come, unless some change should take place, for he has +a widowed mother to help, and two of her boys are not old enough to +earn anything yet. But I am going to wait for him, if it be for ten +years more. In my last place, James was allowed to come and see me at +suitable times. He wanted nothing else, and he never had a crumb in +the house except the lady herself wished him to stay to a meal, and +asked him. My own parents live a long way off, and James’s mother too +far for me to go to her house. He must come to me, and I have too much +respect for him and myself to have a meeting-place, like many girls do.’ + +‘What do you mean by a meeting-place?’ asked the lady, interested by +the girl’s frank words and honest face. + +‘You know, ma’am, that young people may meet in the street, but they +can’t stop there in all weathers, they must be under cover; and if they +have no proper friends, they perhaps go to a public-house, or some +place of amusement. It must be a cheap one, as they cannot afford to +spend much money, and sometimes it is not a very good one, either for +young men or girls. But what else is there? Well, some woman--maybe +your charwoman, or laundress, or greengrocer’s wife--lets the young +people have a place to sit and talk in, and they pay her for it, often +enough with food or odds and ends that belong to their mistress.’ + +The lady reflected for a moment. She remembered instances of mysterious +disappearances and extravagances which could never be accounted for, +and then began to ask herself whether it might not be worth her while +to relax the rule about visitors. She had taken servants before, who +professed to agree to everything and promised everything; but the +result had been deceit and frequent changes. Here was this girl, who +brought a good character, whose honest face commended her at once, but +who would not promise observance of the rule, ‘No followers allowed.’ +Surely she would be better worth having than many plausible but +unreliable applicants for the place, who professed to look shocked at +the very suggestion of male visitors. + +‘I think I will see your late mistress,’ she said; ‘and if I find that +you have never abused the liberty she allowed, I may give the same.’ +The girl’s face brightened, as she replied,-- + +‘I shall be very glad, ma’am. You will find I have told you the truth. +I should not be seeking a new place, but my mistress is giving up her +own house to live with two unmarried sons at a distance.’ + +Inquiry satisfied the lady, and she engaged the girl, who years +afterwards married from the house, and carried with her to her new home +many marks of goodwill from her employers. + +In the matter of ‘followers’ I do not for a moment presume to say +that one rule could possibly apply in all cases. I merely give real +instances and experiences, and leave mistresses and maids to act and +judge for themselves. Only to the former I would say again, ‘Remember +your own young days. Think of your own daughters, and, as you would +lead them aright and shield them from evil, strive to advise and +influence your servants. Not by continual preaching. Say the word in +season, and say it in such a manner that the girls may be convinced +that you speak from a real desire to benefit them, not yourselves.’ + +And, dear girls, be true. Do not make promises for the sake of securing +a place, when you never intend to keep them. But if the rules of a +house are such as you could not conform to, follow the example of +the girl I have told you about. Explain your position candidly and +respectfully, and leave the lady to decide whether it is worth her +while to relax a rule in favour of you or not. + +I might suggest one or two safeguards to young girls fresh from the +country. Many of you have been Sunday scholars, and some would like +to continue such, were the opportunity allowed you. Ask for it, and +probably you will find that mistresses will make a little sacrifice, in +order to promote what must tend to their servants’ benefit. If girls +of their own accord ask for continued opportunities of instruction in +God’s Word, and prefer the Sunday-school or adult Bible-class to the +streets when it is their day out, I think most mistresses would gladly +encourage such a preference. + +Young Welsh girls, in particular, will often sacrifice something in +order to be near a place of worship where service is conducted in +their native tongue, and they show how they value the Sunday-school +by continuing as scholars years after the usual age of leaving. Since +those whom they meet must have similar tastes, this fact secures for +them the kind of associates that Christian employers would choose for +their servants. + +The Girls’ Friendly Society (see No. 168 of _The Girls’ Own Paper_) +offers great advantages to such as are at a distance from home +and friends. It is for the benefit of young persons in business, +mill-hands, and even workhouse girls, as well as domestic servants; and +I would advise all who are eligible to join it. It is for young people +of all religious denominations. + +Above all other guides and helpers, however, let me impress upon you, +dear girls, the importance of seeking the aid of the Holy Spirit at +every step of your way. If there is one act which is all-important, +surely it is that which links your fate and your future life with that +of a partner who must be yours for better for worse, for richer for +poorer, in sickness and in health. Do not, then, begin an acquaintance +without considering the end, and asking yourself whether it will tend +to your spiritual good; whether it will merely give you a husband, or +unite you to one who will walk with you on the narrow path that leads +to everlasting life, will strengthen your steps, and help you, day by +day, to love God more and serve Him better. Marriage is either the best +and holiest of earthly ties, or it differs widely from what our loving +Father in heaven meant it to be. + +May all who read these chapters be kept from entering on such solemn +obligations without earnest thought and prayer, and, whatever be the +worldly advantages, may they only contract such marriages as they feel +that God will indeed own and bless! + +I have been much touched by the conduct of girls, themselves quite +young, towards the still younger sisters left in the old home. The +eldest of a family who gets a situation and does well, frequently sends +for her sisters in turn, and helps them to obtain employment. Sometimes +a first place has not been a success, or the younger girl has not had +sufficient experience to fill it properly, and leaves after a brief +term of service. Then the elder has a painful sense of responsibility, +lest the young one should come to harm. I have known mere girls watch +over such juniors with a tender care exceeding that of some mothers. +Sometimes, they have deprived themselves of really needed articles to +help out the new-comer’s wardrobe; they have paid for decent lodgings +for her, and even undertaken to settle the doctor’s bill in a case of +sickness. + +I once remonstrated with a young girl about doing too much, as I feared +that her sister did not appreciate her self-denial. ‘Had you not better +send her home again?’ I said. Tears came into the girl’s eyes as she +said, ‘There are so many of them at home, and I brought her here to +relieve father and mother. I will not send her back to them if I can +help it.’ I admired the self-devoting goodness of this dear girl, and +rejoiced with her when she at length saw her young sister in a good +place and under the wise supervision of an excellent mistress. + +In such a case as the above, a lady might render a real service to a +good servant by allowing a young sister to spend a few days in her +house, whilst on the look-out for a fitting situation. A mistress might +also assist her servants to save out of their wages by allowing a +sewing maid to cut out a bodice pattern, and show a girl how to put the +parts of a plain frock together. + +I have been urged to add a few words on the subject of visitors’ +presents, or I scarcely think I should do so. The word ‘vails’ is +little used now, but it was common enough when I was a girl amongst +people older than myself. I cannot tell why it was applied in such a +manner, but, as ‘to vail’ or ‘veil’ means to hide, I think the name +must have been given to visitors’ presents, because the money was +generally slipped quietly from hand to hand, so that no bystander would +see the coin in its passage. We use a much less pretty word now, and +speak of giving ‘tips’ to porters at railway stations, or any persons +whom we wish to receive recompense for personal service. + +I would first say a word on this subject to servants. When you are +engaged, it is an understood thing that visitors under your employers’ +roof shall receive during their stay all the attention that would be +expected were they members of the family. They are such for the time, +and as the master and mistress generally show particular anxiety for +the comfort of the guests, the right-minded, unselfish servant will do +the same. She, too, will be extra attentive, if she only realizes that +she is a member of the family herself, and should act as entering into +the feelings of those who fill the highest places in the common home. +And if it should happen that in the end she receives no gift from the +parting guest, surely she will not feel quite unrewarded? She will +have pleased her employers, done as she would be done by when under +a roof not her own, and added much to the comfort of the temporary +sojourner. + +I do not for a moment intend to suggest what amounts should be given, +or to which servants, when presents are made. But it often happens +that, when leaving, a visitor only sees one servant, yet feels that +more have contributed to her comfort. Perhaps she does not like to ask +for the others, or they are so engaged that she cannot see them, and +she gives the amount she intended to divide to the one only, without +expressing any wish as to its being shared with the rest. + +Under such circumstances, whilst no one could deny a servant’s right to +keep what was given, I do think that a conscientious, unselfish girl +would share it with such other members of the household as she knew had +shared the extra work caused by the presence of visitors. + +It is quite a different matter where unusual services have been +rendered by one above the rest, or in cases of illness, where the +attendance has quite exceeded that to be expected under ordinary +circumstances. + +I can say, with true pleasure, that I have often seen these +extra services rendered with such single-hearted kindness, such +self-forgetfulness and devotion, that no one could imagine the thought +of fee or reward to be associated with them. + +And I have also seen a miserable spirit of jealousy amongst +fellow-servants at any little preference shown, even when the recipient +had well merited it by her thoughtful attentions. I have seen kitchen +servants come forward when a visitor was leaving, and ostentatiously +profess to help with the luggage, when any one could see that such aid +was not necessary. I have noticed others push to the front, and give +some little, quite needless, touch to a visitor’s wrap, in order to +attract attention and gain a coveted ‘tip.’ + +These are little meannesses, dear girls, against which I would warn +any who may be guilty of them, and say: ‘Act fairly and unselfishly to +each other when you receive gifts. Render service as if you found a +pleasure in making all around you comfortable, and not as if your eye +were directed towards the possible “tip” whilst the hand ministered to +the visitors’ wants.’ + +I have delightful memories of very different conduct: of smiling faces, +feet quick to run, and willing hands; hands, too, that, instead of +being eagerly outstretched to receive, have shrunk from receiving, and +kindly tongues which have said, as if they meant it, ‘Indeed, ma’am, I +don’t desire anything. It has been a real pleasure to do anything for +you, and I hope I shall soon have it again.’ + +Sometimes, however, servants can hardly have such a feeling towards +guests, because they do not act so as to deserve it. If servants can +display little meannesses, so do those who ought to set them a better +example. They will not only receive, but exact, many extra attentions; +and when the time comes to say ‘good-bye’ to their entertainers, they +will not notice those who have ministered to their comfort, or even +give what costs nothing--a word of thanks. + +Now I hold that a true lady will show her good breeding all round, and +that a true Christian will show consideration for the feelings of all +with whom she has to do. When she is leaving a place, she will say a +farewell word to the servants; and in bestowing her present, whether +little or much, she will add to it the thanks for kind attentions +which by a right-minded girl will be valued more than the money. Even +if the parting guest’s circumstances are such that she is unable to +bestow money, do not let her on that account omit the thanks which show +that she appreciates and is grateful for attentions received. By such +neglect she would give pain, and probably be set down as ‘no lady;’ +not because of her want of money, but of the kindly courtesy which is +equally becoming to those of high and low degree. + +Servants should also remember that a small parting gift is often no +gauge of the giver’s generosity or good-will. It probably costs the +person of small means far more self-denial than does the lavish gift of +some richer guest, who can bestow it without any personal inconvenience +or being conscious of a difference. + +To sum up the matter, let me repeat, ‘Care for your employers’ visitors +in the best way possible to you, and so give them increased comfort +and yourselves the pleasure of contributing to the brightness of +their sojourn.’ If you receive no other reward, you will have the +satisfaction which generous, loving hearts always experience in having +given good measure, whether it be of merchandise or of work. For, +remember, ‘With what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you +again.’ + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +THE ONE SOURCE OF STRENGTH. + + +I have made no attempt to define the duties of any special household +department, or to suggest what share of work should fall to each +servant. Details must vary a good deal according to the number +employed, and the habits and rules of each family. + +My object in writing has been to offer such advice to servants, and +particularly to young ones, as may help them to take a higher view of +their position, its trusts and responsibilities. To show them first how +great is the influence they possess, and, secondly, how they may use it +for good. + +Such little word-pictures as I have drawn, by way of illustrating my +meaning, are all from real life and personal experience. I trust they +may serve either as examples or warnings to those who look on them with +an understanding eye. + +I have wished to show girls in service that the very simplest +household work may be performed in such a manner as not only to please +your earthly employers, but to glorify your Master in heaven. + +What must you be in order to do this? Faithful, obedient, honest, and +upright, true in word and deed; forbearing, kind, ready to forgive; +unselfish in your dealings with your fellow-servants, loving to the +little ones of the household; merciful to the dumb animals which depend +on human care, careful of the property committed to your keeping; doing +whatever you find to do in a large-hearted, loving spirit, so that +those who see you will acknowledge that thus you are striving to adorn +the doctrine of God your Saviour in all things. + +Not in great things only. To do great things is the lot of but few. +It is the doing well the work belonging to our own place in the world +which alone is required from us. Remember the words used by Jesus in +the parable of the talents. To the servant who had received but two, +yet had turned them to the best account in his power, they were spoken, +the same as to him who had received five:-- + +‘Well done, good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a +few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into +the joy of thy Lord.’ + +I fancy I hear some young voices addressing me thus:--‘You set before +us a high standard; how shall we reach it? You own that we have +difficulties to struggle with; that we have many things to hinder +us, and so much both to learn and to unlearn. Some of us come from +poor homes at first, and have had very little training to fit us for +service. We have idle and careless habits to amend, self-indulgent ones +to fight against. + +‘Many of us have been little used to think before speaking, or to fight +against hasty tempers. + +‘Perhaps we do not think as kindly of our mistresses as we ought; but +consider them more our enemies than friends, and that their object is +to get as much work out of us as they can, and return us as little. + +‘We have heard people talk of servants as domestic plagues, and the +“servants’ question” is often discussed as though we had no feelings at +all, or else all the bad ones. + +‘No doubt we often try the patience of our mistresses by our mishaps +and mistakes. But if only they would not expect us who have not had +half their advantages to be perfect, to begin with, we should not get +disheartened and careless about pleasing, as we often do. We want to do +right, but----’ + +And the speakers pause, as travellers sometimes do at the foot of +some lofty mountain, in doubt whether it will be worth their while +to toil onward and upwards to the summit. Ah! the climber may not be +sure whether, after all his weary steps, the view will repay him. He +may reach the top, and find himself wrapped in a veil of fleecy mist, +through which his eyes cannot pierce, and he descends sorrowful and +disappointed. + +But those who are toiling heavenward, no matter how rough the path by +which they follow Jesus, can never be disappointed. Each step made sure +renders the next easier; each fault conquered makes the victory over +another a something to be counted upon. Was the path of Jesus a smooth +one? Had He no cross to carry before He won the victory over sin, +Satan, death, and the grave, and returned in triumph to take again the +crown eternally His own? + +What was our Master’s source of strength? Was it not found in frequent +prayer, in communion with God, in being armed with the sword of the +Spirit, even the revealed Word of God, and ever ready to use it? + +Again I think I hear some of you say, ‘We have very little time or +opportunity for private prayer. We seldom have even a bedroom entirely +to ourselves. At night we are often up late; we must rise before the +rest of the family to prepare what is needed for their comfort. We +feel too tired to rise earlier still, in order to get the time for +prayer. During the day, if we think we will get a spare half-hour, +we are liable to many interruptions, and the sound of a bell may call +us from our knees almost as soon as we have bent them at our Father’s +footstool. Much cannot be expected from us--the time we have for prayer +is so short.’ + +True; and what a comfort to think that we can always count on being +judged according to our opportunities by Him to whom all hearts are +open and all desires known! And how sweet to remember that it is not +only our prayers which find utterance, but the very desires of our +hearts which are known to God! So the longing, earnest wish to be His +child, and to do His will, can be read as plainly as the expressed +petition can be heard by Him. + +Let me ask you: Have you used all the opportunities you have had? If +you have only been able to call a few moments your own, have you spent +them in asking for the guidance of God’s Holy Spirit, who will lead +you to see your need, sinfulness, helplessness, and weakness; who will +reveal to you that dear Saviour in whom your wants will be supplied, +your sins pardoned, and strength given you for every good word and +work? Your hands may be busy, but you may lift up your heart in prayer. +You may be working for an earthly employer, yet holding sweet communion +with your Heavenly Father, God, and King. + +It is not a long prayer that is needed. But in asking, you must want +also; in coming to God, you must believe in His will and His power to +hear, answer, and save to the uttermost all who approach Him in the +name of Jesus. + +A short time since, I read the following anecdote: + +‘At the battle of Edgehill, brave Lord Lindsay, with his son, Lord +Willoughby, headed the royal foot-guards. Immediately before charging, +he prayed aloud in these words, “O Lord, Thou knowest how busy I must +be this day. If I forget Thee, do not Thou forget me.” Then turning to +his men, he said, “March on, boys.”’ I cannot tell you how often this +little story has come into my mind since I read it, or how frequently I +have repeated, from my heart, the substance of that short prayer, ‘If I +forget Thee, O Lord, do not Thou forget me.’ + +And though you and I are placed in very different circumstances from +those in which the brave old soldier who uttered it found himself, we +also must march to battle every day and hour of our lives--the world, +the sinful desires of our own hearts, and the temptations of Satan, +being the foes we have to face, and, in God’s strength and by His +grace, to overcome. + +We can go to the Bible for samples of short prayers, which obtained +sufficient and speedy answers. ‘God be merciful to me a sinner,’ +gained one with enough of comfort to send home justified the penitent +publican. At the cry, ‘Lord, save, or we perish,’ Jesus arose, rebuked +the winds and waves, and there was a great calm. ‘Lord, remember me +when Thou comest to Thy kingdom,’ called back the assurance from the +dying Saviour to the sinner, enduring a punishment which he owned to +be the just reward of his deeds, ‘This day shalt thou be with Me in +paradise.’ Short petition, and what a brief reply! but enough to take +away the load of guilt, the dread of coming judgment, and the sting of +death itself from the thief upon the cross. + +Let these examples cheer and comfort you when, amid the daily +occupations of a life of service, you lament that you have so little +time for prayer or quiet communion with God. If you are in earnest in +wishing for them, you will find more opportunities for both than you at +first imagined to be within your reach. + +I remember being much struck with a prayer of which I can only recall a +few words, but these always remain and often recur to my mind: ‘O God, +when Thou comest to number up Thy jewels, do not forget that I cost +Thee as dear as any.’ + +Surely if we think what a price has been paid to redeem a sinner from +death, we shall have boldness to ask that, with His dear Son, God will +also, for His sake, freely give you all other good things. Do not be +cast down: the way is open, the invitation is for you, the welcome +is certain, and none need be discouraged. Come in heart, though your +hands may be busy and your feet running to and fro. Lift up your voice, +or your thoughts only, in prayer to God, though you cannot bend the +knee. You will never come to the Source of strength and be sent away +without a supply, for the fountain of God’s love is alike eternal and +inexhaustible. + +Before I finish this chapter, let me suggest a few short prayers for +your use. We are told ‘in everything, by prayer and supplication with +thanksgiving,’ to make our requests known unto God. We can bring the +little matters as well as the great things of our daily life, and +these words encourage us not only to ask but to supplicate, or beg +in earnest, that God will undertake for us. Also in asking for new +mercies, to remember past blessings, and to thank God for them, whether +spiritual or temporal ones. + +When we are dressing in the morning, we may say,-- + +‘O God, I thank Thee for quiet sleep and rest; for health, strength, +safety, friends, food and shelter; but most of all for the gift of Thy +dear Son, my Saviour.’ + +When commencing our daily work,-- + +‘O Lord, help me to do everything as for Thee. + +‘To take everything as from Thee. + +‘To use all I have for Thy glory.’ + +Through the day, and when in company with others,-- + +‘Help me to act as remembering that Thou God seest me. + +‘To speak as knowing that Thou hearest every word. + +‘Create in me a clean heart, O God, for Thou knowest my inmost thoughts +and desires.’ + +In time of temptation,-- + +‘Help me, O God, to be true and just in all my dealings, not forgetting +that for all my actions I must give an account unto Thee.’ + +If unjustly blamed or provoked,-- + +‘O blessed Saviour, help Thy servant to copy Thy example, and to be +like Thee, meek, lowly, patient under provocation, kind and ready to +forgive.’ + +If feeling helpless and ignorant,-- + +‘What I know not, teach Thou me.’ + +If disheartened at the commonness of the work we have to do,-- + +‘O my Father, if I can do but little, help me to do that little well. +If I have but one talent, enable me to use it for the good of others, +the welfare of my own soul, and, above all, for Thy glory.’ + +Then we should not only pray for ourselves, but as members of the +family we live in, for the parents, children, our fellow-servants and +absent friends, and as God’s children for all His family everywhere. + +However weary we may be at night, we may say these few words,-- + +‘O God, for Jesus’ sake forgive all I have done wrong during this day. +I thank Thee for all Thy good gifts, and pray that Thou wilt keep +me and all dear to me in peace and safety, through the hours of the +darkness.’ + +As a last thought, I would suggest that if the mistress will kneel with +her maid, and offer their united requests to God, incalculable benefits +would result to themselves and to the household in which they rule or +serve. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +THE LEGAL RIGHTS OF EMPLOYERS AND EMPLOYED. + + +According to a learned writer the relationship of master and servant +is one founded on convenience, whereby a person is directed to call in +the assistance of others where his own skill and labour will not be +sufficient to answer the cares incumbent on him. It is a relationship +which has existed from time immemorial, though in olden times the +respective positions of a master and his servant were much more akin +to each other than they are in the present day. Of old the servant was +more in the position of a slave, whose life and body were entirely at +the disposal of his master, but as the age became more enlightened his +position improved. All traces of slavery in England vanished by the end +of the sixteenth century, and thenceforth the relation of master and +servant became one of pure contract. + +In the present day a servant may, therefore, be defined as ‘a person +who voluntarily agrees, either for wages or not, to subject himself +at all times during the period of service to the lawful orders and +directions of another in respect of certain work to be done.’ It +follows from this that a master is a person who is entitled to give +such orders and to have them obeyed. + +From the foregoing definition it will be seen that the term ‘servant’ +has a very extensive meaning, and includes every person who is under +the orders of another, no matter what his duties may be; but the +following lines have reference to domestic or household servants only. +Domestic servants are sometimes called menial servants, but there is a +distinction in the meaning of the two words. The word ‘menial’ has a +wider signification than the word ‘domestic,’ and includes it. Every +servant who at all times during the service is under the immediate +control, discipline, and management of his or her master or mistress, +and is liable also to attend their persons, is a menial servant; +whereas those only who form part of the family household are domestic +servants. There is no hard-and-fast rule as to who are domestic or +menial servants, but each case depends on its own circumstances. All +indoor servants whose duty it is to attend on their masters and perform +household acts are clearly menial and domestic servants, and this will +include a coachman or gardener living in a lodge or other separate +cottage, but it will not include a farm bailiff, though living in the +house. Neither is a governess a menial servant, from the position she +holds in the family of her employer and in society generally. + +The contract for the hire of a servant by a married woman as mistress +of her husband’s house is a good and binding one, and her husband will +in most cases be bound by it to pay the servant’s wages; for, although +it is the wife who actually engages the servant, and who will during +the service probably be the person to whom the servant will look for +her orders, still the wife only acts as her husband’s agent and by his +authority. This authority may be given expressly or may be implied by +circumstances. A servant, suitable to their degree in life, engaged and +hired by the wife can recover wages from the husband. Where a husband +and wife do not live together, it depends on the circumstances of the +case whether or not the husband is liable. For instance, if when living +apart the husband allows the wife sufficient means to enable her to +maintain herself in her proper position, he cannot be made liable for +the wages, nor can he where he has expressly forbidden his wife to hire +a servant, if the latter is aware of the fact. + +[As this chapter appears in a book devoted to matters of feminine +interest, the word ‘mistress’ will be used throughout the rest of it +instead of master, though the latter must be understood to be included +and for the same reason the servant will be referred to by words +indicative of the female sex, although the law laid down is equally +applicable to males.] + +With regard to the duration of the period of service, the contract of +hiring between a mistress and servant is deemed to be a general one, +and to last for the period of a year; and where there is no express +mention made of the time for which the hiring is to continue, or of +the time for giving notice, it is understood that the hiring is for a +year, but may be determined at any moment by either party giving to +the other a month’s notice, or warning, or a month’s wages in lieu of +notice. Where, however, the duration of the engagement is expressly +mentioned, the presumption that it is for a year is rebutted; and +where there is nothing to show that it is not intended to be a yearly +hiring, the payment of wages at short intervals, such as a fortnight +or a month, will not make it less a hiring to last for a year, nor +even the payment of wages by the week, where the engagement was to be +determined by a month’s notice. As before stated, it is a well-known +rule--founded solely on custom, however--that a contract of service may +be determined by either the mistress or servant giving to the other a +month’s notice, and at the expiration of this month, on the servant’s +leaving, she must be paid her full wages up to that time. + +The service may also be determined at a moment’s notice on payment +by the party giving the notice to the other of a sum equivalent to a +month’s wages. (These remarks do not apply to the case of a mistress +summarily dismissing a servant for misconduct, which subject will be +mentioned later on.) If a servant gives notice and leaves there and +then, she is entitled to be paid a proportionate part of the wages +accrued since the last day of payment up to the time of leaving, but +in return she must pay her mistress a month’s wages as compensation +for not serving the month out. If, however, a servant packs up her +boxes and goes away without saying anything about it, she utterly +forfeits all claim to any wages which have accrued since the last day +of payment, and cannot, after wilfully violating the contract according +to which she was hired, claim the sum to which her wages would have +amounted had she kept her contract, merely deducting therefrom one +month’s wages. + +Some persons may perhaps think this somewhat harsh, but it is +nevertheless the law, and, moreover, it is more consistent with honesty +and common-sense than to allow a servant to break a contract, and +at the same time claim a benefit under it, when upon simply giving +notice to the mistress and paying, or agreeing to allow the mistress +to deduct from the amount due to her, a month’s wages, she can leave +at any time. The distinction between leaving at a moment’s notice and +leaving without notice at all may seem to some perhaps rather fine, but +the practical effect of adhering to the strict letter of the law is +merely to compel a servant to give her mistress notice when she wants +to leave, which can be but little trouble to the servant, and will, in +most cases, save the mistress a good deal of unnecessary trouble and +inconvenience, and perhaps loss. So that if a servant is paid on the +first of each month, and on the fifteenth of the month she gives notice +to leave, she may go there and then, and the mistress must pay her the +amount of wages earned in those fifteen days; but the servant must pay +the mistress a full month’s wages as compensation for not staying the +month out. But if, instead of giving notice, the servant simply goes +away without saying a word, in that case the wages which had accrued +between the first and the fifteenth would be absolutely forfeited. + +The service is also put an end to by the death of the employer, and, +of course, by the death of the servant. If, therefore, a servant be +discharged on the death of the employer, she can claim and must be +paid wages from the time of the last payment up to the death. If, +however, the servant is kept on by the representatives of the deceased +to look after things, she will then be their servant, and they must pay +her. If a servant dies during the service, all wages due to her up to +the time of her death must be paid to her representatives, who may sue +for the same if withheld. + +One of the cases in which erroneous impressions frequently exist is as +to what will justify a mistress in summarily dismissing a servant. The +following are the principal grounds which will justify the discharge +of a servant at a moment’s notice:--1, Wilful disobedience to any +lawful order; 2, gross moral misconduct; 3, habitual negligence; 4, +incompetence or permanent incapacity from illness. + +As to wilful disobedience, if a servant will not obey a lawful order +she must suffer for her obstinacy. If a servant will persist in going +out, or standing at the street door, and such like, after having been +forbidden to do so, such conduct will justify instant dismissal. In one +case a female servant persisted in going out against her mistress’s +orders, though it was to visit a dying mother, and she was thereupon +dismissed. It was subsequently decided by the judges that such summary +dismissal was justifiable. This case is not quoted as an example to +others to do likewise, but simply to show under what circumstances +summary dismissal is justifiable. The mistress’s orders must be +confined to those services for which the servant was hired, and a mere +obstinate refusal to do some particular act will not justify dismissal, +the refusal must be persistent. + +Again, theft, immorality, drunkenness, and such like, all constitute +good grounds for discharging a servant. If a servant is grossly rude +and insolent, she may be at once dismissed; and if she is violent, and +uses abusive language to her mistress or one of the family, the latter +may send for a policeman and give her into custody. + +If a servant will not do her work, or is habitually negligent in it, +she may be sent away at once; but mere occasional neglect, which +does not cause injury, does not justify instant dismissal without +compensation. And, again, if a servant is hired for a particular +purpose, and proves utterly incompetent to perform it, this is a +good ground for discharge. For instance, if you engage a cook who +represents herself to be thoroughly proficient and highly trained +in the culinary art, and you pay her high wages, you will be quite +justified in dismissing her if she altogether fails to redeem her +profession in any essential particular. As a rule, however, it is +not safe to dismiss ordinary domestics without notice or payment of +wages for incompetence, for it is common knowledge that a great number +of servants offer themselves, and are hired to perform, services +which they are utterly incapable of rendering. Want of experience, +clumsiness, absence of skill and finish about their work must be +expected when untrained servants at low wages are hired, and must be +taken as part of the bargain, and it would be safe to dismiss only +in the higher branches of domestic service, when special knowledge +and skill are necessary, but are not forthcoming in the servant who +professed them, as in the case of the cook just mentioned. Of course, +when a servant is dismissed for any of the above offences, she forfeits +all claim to any wages which have accrued since the last day of +payment, in the same manner as if she left without notice. + +A temporary illness, with incapacity for work, is not a good ground +for discharging a servant unless the contract has been rescinded; but +permanent illness is a good ground for dismissal. The wages that have +been earned by the servant up to the time of the illness must be paid, +because it is no fault of hers that she cannot continue the service; +and unless the contract is put an end to, there is no suspension of the +right to wages because of her illness and incapacity to work. It may as +well be stated here that a servant cannot legally compel a master or +mistress to find her medicine when she is sick, or surgical attendance +when she has met with an accident, unless the illness or accident is +the direct result of fulfilling a lawful command. However, very slight +evidence will fix the master or mistress with liability, and it is +probable that if a servant were ill and sent for a medical man with the +master’s knowledge, the latter would have to pay for the attendance. +Indeed, in one case a servant was suddenly taken ill and sent for a +doctor, and on the matter subsequently coming to the master’s knowledge +he sent his own doctor. It was held that he was liable to pay the +surgeon called in by the servant, simply because his wife knew that he +had been called in, and did not express any disapprobation. + +Now as to character. No mistress is legally bound to give her domestic +or menial servant a character. It is, however, the duty of a mistress +to state fairly and honestly what she knows of a servant when applied +to by any one who may be about to take the servant into their employ; +and those who are about to employ them have a corresponding interest in +knowing the truth concerning them, so that they may be rightly informed +as to those who are coming to form part of their domestic household. +Masters and mistresses should be freely, unreservedly, and truthfully +out-spoken as to their opinion of those servants who have left their +service, not keeping back that which is unfavourable, nor speaking ill +of them, nor recklessly exaggerating their faults and shortcomings. +For while the law in the interests of society holds the communication +of the character of servants privileged, yet a deliberately stated +falsehood would be evidence of malice, and would tend to deprive the +communication of its privilege, and render the person making it liable +to an action at the suit of the servant. The mistress is in duty bound +to state not only what she knows of the servant at the time of her +discharge, but if she knows of any circumstance subsequently happening +of which the inquirer is entitled to be informed, also to tell further +what she conscientiously believes to be the case; therefore, if a good +character is at first given, and the mistress subsequently finds out +things unfavourable to the servant, it is her duty to communicate the +discovery to the person to whom the character has been given. + +Any communication made by a mistress as to the character of a +servant--no matter how damaging such a character may be--if fairly and +honestly made, is a privileged communication; that is to say, that +such communication will not render the mistress liable to any action +by the servant for slander. This privilege arises from the duty which, +as before stated lies upon all mistresses to state fully and fairly +the truth about a servant, whether in her favour or against her; and a +mistress, so long as she does not go out of her way to injure, need not +be afraid of telling the truth about the real character of any servant. +Any person knowingly giving a false character to another person about +to hire the servant, if the latter subsequently robs or injures his or +her master or mistress, is guilty of a criminal offence which renders +him liable to a penalty of £20, or three months’ imprisonment with hard +labour. But a false character _bonâ fide_ believed to be true will not +render the giver so liable. + +When a servant enters into the service of a mistress, it is her duty +to fulfil the engagement to the best of her ability; to be honest, +respectful, and diligent, to take due and proper care of her mistress’s +property, and to obey all lawful orders. These orders must be lawful +and within the scope of the employment for which the servant was hired; +and no servant is obliged to obey an order attended with risk; for +instance, a lady’s-maid would not be obliged to clean the scullery, and +such like. + +It is the duty of a master to supply a servant with proper food and +shelter, and to pay the wages agreed on between them. + +A master may not under any circumstances chastise a servant, no +matter how incorrigible. If they cannot agree, the servant must be +discharged. A master is not liable to a servant for any injuries +inflicted by fellow-servants in the ordinary discharge of their duty; +for a servant, when he or she engages to serve, impliedly undertakes +as between himself or herself and the employer to run all the risks of +the service. This branch of the law is, however, somewhat complicated, +and in case of an accident happening, the liability or non-liability of +the master or mistress would depend so much on the actual circumstances +of the particular case, that it is impossible, in a chapter of this +nature, to lay down any general rules bearing on the subject; and the +only safe course under such circumstances would be to lay the case +before a solicitor, and be guided by his advice. + +Lastly, as to the liability of a master or mistress for the acts of the +servant. + +The principle on which a master or mistress is liable for the actions +of their servant is that of agency. The mere relation of master and +servant does not invest the latter with a right to pledge the master’s +credit; and if the servant purchase goods on credit without the leave +of the master, no liability attaches to the latter. But if a master +holds out a servant as his authorized and accredited representative, +it is only right and just that he should accept responsibility for his +acts. For instance, where the master is in the habit of sending the +servant to buy goods upon credit, and is not in the habit of paying for +such goods at the time of buying, but on a particular occasion does +furnish the servant with money to pay for such goods, and the servant +either loses or steals the money, but orders the goods, the master is +liable, because the tradesman has been in the habit of supplying goods +on credit. But when the master is in the habit of supplying his servant +with money to pay cash down for the goods he orders, and the servant +steals or loses the money, but orders the goods, the master will not be +liable, because he has always been in the habit of sending the servant +with the money, and nothing but the master’s express authority to the +tradesman to supply the goods on credit will render him liable. + +In conclusion, it may be stated generally that a master is liable for +all the acts of a servant which come within the scope of the latter’s +employment, however wrongful and negligent such acts may be, but is +not responsible for the wrongful act of a servant unless that act be +done in the execution of the authority given by him in the course of +the employment, for beyond the scope of his employment he or she is as +much a stranger to the master as to any third person, and his or her +act cannot, therefore, be regarded as the act of the master. + + +THE END. + + +Butler & Tanner, The Selwood Printing Works, Frome, and London. + + + + +TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES + + +Adding missing closing quotation mark on page 117, after +“of wages.” + +Inconsistencies in hyphenation have been left unchanged. + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 77633 *** |