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diff --git a/77585-h/77585-h.htm b/77585-h/77585-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..82f5f43 --- /dev/null +++ b/77585-h/77585-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2461 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html> +<html lang="en"> + <head> + <meta charset="UTF-8"> + <title>Confessions of St. Augustine | Project Gutenberg</title> + <link rel="icon" href="images/cover.jpg" type="image/x-cover"> + <style> + body { margin-left: 8%; margin-right: 8%; } + h1 { text-align: center; font-weight: normal; font-size: 1.4em; } + h2 { text-align: center; font-weight: normal; font-size: 1.2em; } + p { text-indent: 0; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; text-align: justify; } + sup { vertical-align: top; font-size: 0.6em; } + .large { font-size: large; } + .xxlarge { font-size: xx-large; } + abbr { border-bottom-width: thin; border-bottom-style: dotted; } + abbr.spell { speak-as: spell-out; } + .lg-container-b { text-align: center; } + .x-ebookmaker .lg-container-b { clear: both; } + .linegroup { display: inline-block; text-align: left; } + .x-ebookmaker .linegroup { display: block; margin-left: 1.5em; } + .linegroup .group { margin: 1em auto; } + .linegroup .line { text-indent: -3em; padding-left: 3em; } + div.linegroup > :first-child { margin-top: 0; } + .linegroup .in2 { padding-left: 4.0em; } + ul.ul_1 {padding-left: 0; margin-left: 2.78%; margin-top: .5em; + margin-bottom: .5em; list-style-type: disc; } + ul.ul_2 {padding-left: 0; margin-left: 6.94%; margin-top: .5em; + margin-bottom: .5em; list-style-type: circle; } + div.footnote {margin-left: 2.5em; } + div.footnote > :first-child { margin-top: 1em; } + div.footnote .label { display: inline-block; width: 0em; text-indent: -2.5em; + text-align: right; } + div.pbb { page-break-before: always; } + hr.pb { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-bottom: 1em; } + .x-ebookmaker hr.pb { display: none; } + .chapter { clear: both; page-break-before: always; } + .figcenter { clear: both; max-width: 100%; margin: 2em auto; text-align: center; } + .figcenter img { max-width: 100%; height: auto; } + .id001 { width:80%; } + .x-ebookmaker .id001 { margin-left:10%; width:80%; } + .ig001 { width:100%; } + .nf-center { text-align: center; } + .nf-center-c1 { text-align: left; margin: 1em 0; } + .c000 { margin-top: 1em; } + .c001 { page-break-before: always; margin-top: 1em; } + .c002 { margin-top: 4em; } + .c003 { margin-top: 2em; } + .c004 { margin-top: 4em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + .c005 { margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + .c006 { page-break-before:auto; margin-top: 4em; } + .c007 { margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + .c008 { text-decoration: none; } + .c009 { page-break-before:auto; margin-top: 2em; } + .c010 { margin-left: 5.56%; margin-top: 1em; font-size: 95%; } + .c011 { margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + div.tnotes { padding-left:1em;padding-right:1em;background-color:#E3E4FA; + border:1px solid silver;margin:1em 5% 0 5%;text-align:justify; } + abbr {border:none; text-decoration:none; font-variant:normal; } + </style> + </head> + <body> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 77585 ***</div> + +<div class='figcenter id001'> +<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='' class='ig001'> +</div> +<div class='pbb'> + <hr class='pb c000'> +</div> +<div> + <h1 class='c001'>Confessions of St. Augustine</h1> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c1'> +<div class='nf-center c002'> + <div><span class='large'><b>LITTLE BLUE BOOK NO. 735</b></span></div> + <div><span class='large'><b>Edited by E. Haldeman-Julius</b></span></div> + <div class='c000'><span class='xxlarge'><b>Confessions of St. Augustine</b></span></div> + <div class='c000'><span class='large'><b>Edited, with Introduction, by</b></span></div> + <div><span class='xxlarge'><b>Lloyd E. Smith</b></span></div> + <div class='c003'>HALDEMAN-JULIUS COMPANY</div> + <div>GIRARD, KANSAS</div> + </div> +</div> + +<p class='c004'>Copyright, 1924.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Haldeman-Julius Company.</p> + +<p class='c005'>PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>INTRODUCTION</h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>Saint Augustine, “one of the four great +fathers of the Latin Church,” was born in what +is now Algeria (North Africa), November, 354 +<abbr class='spell'>A. D.</abbr> His mother was a devout Christian, but +his father was unconverted at the time of +Augustine’s birth. The piety of the mother +finally won both father and son to the Christian +faith.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Augustine’s early life, especially his youth, +was characterized by sinful lapses into the evils +of temptation, temptation to which he often +yielded, for which weakness he has chastised +himself mercilessly in his <i>Confessions</i>. His +self-condemned wickedness did not prevent his +being a determined student, however, and he +was carefully trained to become a teacher of +rhetoric. At nineteen, his mind was stirred by +Cicero’s <i>Hortensius</i> to seek the truth, but he +wandered aimlessly about in the mazes of various +schools of thought without adopting any +one of them, good or bad. Manicheism (a religious +philosophy in which goodness and light, +identified with God, were in conflict with evil +and chaos, identified with the powers of darkness) +attracted Augustine, until he became an +enthusiastic exponent of its doctrines. He +hoped that his own dark path of sensuality +might be directed to the light by the influence +of this oriental system (Manicheism originated +in Persia and had a bright coloring of eastern +myth), but he had not acquired sufficient +moral strength to enable him to attain his ideal +of chastity and temperance. Because it did not +lead him out of his evil ways, as he had hoped, +Manicheism gradually weakened in its sway +over him. Then, too, Augustine was well-versed +in the exact sciences, and so found it +impossible to coordinate the superstitions of +Manicheism with known facts.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Augustine, became a teacher of grammar, +was, by all accounts, an excellent instructor. +He returned to his birthplace, and, while +teaching there, secured the lasting friendship +of Alypius. Staying here about a year—the +chief happening, besides his friendship with +Alypius, being a vision of his mother comforting +her for her son’s lack of faith, described in +the <i>Confessions</i> (<abbr title='three'>III</abbr>, <abbr title='eleven'>xi</abbr>)—Augustine went back +to Carthage, and from there to Rome. This +was in 383; but Rome, since his interest in +Manicheism was on the wane, held little attraction +for him, so he accepted a position as +teacher of rhetoric at Milan.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Now openly separated from Manicheism, +Augustine turned to Skepticism (Pyrrhonism: +disbelief in all doctrines and principles derived +from either the reason or the senses; the judgment +was to be kept in aloof non-committal on +all subjects) temporarily, and from that to +Neo-Platonism (involving that all matter was +evil, that all ideas were emanations from the +mind of God, that human reason was in affinity +with Divine reason, that the soul was to be +redeemed by separation from matter, and that +the human reason was to be absorbed in the +divine by “continuous contemplation;” it professed +a trinity composed of the One, Intelligence, +and the Soul) which gave him his first +hint of a God minus materialism: invisible, +eternal, and changeless. A devout preacher of +Milan further influenced him in this trend toward +faith, and his battle with the curse of +sensuality that was upon him became an intolerable +conflict within him.</p> + +<p class='c005'>His struggle toward truth culminated in one +poignant moment of realization, which he has +described in the <i>Confessions</i> (<abbr title='eight'>VIII</abbr>, <abbr title='twelve'>xii</abbr>, 30). This +conversion occurred in 386, when he withdrew, +accompanied by several friends, to a country +place near Milan and offered himself as a +candidate for baptism. Augustine’s mother rejoiced +at this fulfilment of her vision, and, when +she was dying soon after this realization of +her life-long hopes, her last hours of life were +made happy by her son’s Christian understanding. +The account of their companionship in +the <i>Confessions</i> (<abbr title='nine'>IX</abbr>, <abbr title='∮ten-eleven∮'>x-xi</abbr>, 23-28) displays Augustine’s +“literary power at its highest.”</p> + +<p class='c005'>Unwilling to assume religious responsibility +in any official capacity too soon, Augustine, +within a year, was persuaded to become presbyter +of Hippo (now Bona, Algiers), and about +395 he became coadjutor to the bishop, and +subsequently bishop of the see. The remaining +years of his life were occupied with his +ecclesiastical duties, and by prolific writing, +which was largely controversial. His <i>Confessions</i>, +consisting of an autobiographical record +of his spiritual conversion and growth, are his +most famous achievement, and were written +about 397. Probably his greatest work, from +the point of view of intellectual as well as +literary power, is the <i>City of God</i>, begun in +413 and continuing over a period of thirteen +years, which was planned as an elaborate +treatise “in vindication of Christianity and the +Christian Church.” In 427 he wrote the <i>Retractions</i>, +which are a review of all his literary +work, and include revisions, corrections, explanations, +etc., to bring them all into line +with the maturity of mind to which he had +then attained. A work entitled <i>The Trinity</i> +occupied him for some thirty years, and was +not, as most of his writings were, inspired by +the strife of religious controversy, but was the +result of steady growth by contemplation in +the author’s pious mind. These four, here +named, are by no means all that Augustine +wrote, but they serve to indicate his remarkable +devotion and energy in his life of faith, +a faith which came to him, a self-flailed sinner, +as a remarkable sign of redemption.</p> + +<p class='c005'>Augustine died, sick and weary, while the +Vandals were besieging Hippo, in 430, at +seventy-five years of age. He did not live to +see the city in the hands of its conquerors. +“None can deny the greatness of Augustine’s +soul—his enthusiasm, his unceasing search after +truth, his affectionate disposition, his ardor, his +self-devotion. And even those who may doubt the +soundness of his dogmatic conclusions, cannot +but acknowledge the depth of his spiritual convictions, +and the logical force and penetration +with which he handled the most difficult questions, +thus weaving all the elements of his experience +and of his profound scriptural knowledge +into a great system of Christian thought.” +(Gustav Krüger.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>The present edition has been based on the +translation of <abbr class='spell'>E. B.</abbr> Pusey, which first appeared +in 1838, and of which Pusey speaks in +his Preface: “The <i>Confessions</i> of St. Augustine +have ever been a favorite Christian study. +St. Augustine says of them himself, ‘The +thirteen books of my Confessions praise God, +Holy and Good, on occasion of that which has +in me been good or evil, and raise up man’s understanding +and affections to Him: for myself, +they did so while they were being written, and +now do, when read. Let others think of them, +as to them seems right; yet that they have +and do much please many brethren, I know.’” +Pusey says further: “The subject of the <i>Confessions</i> +would naturally give them a deep interest, +presenting, as they do, an account of +the way in which God led perhaps the most +powerful mind of Christian antiquity out of +darkness to light, and changed one who was a +chosen vessel unto Himself from a heretic and +a seducer of the brethren, into one of the most +energetic defenders of Catholic Truth, both +against the strange sect to which he had belonged, +and against the Arians, Pelagians, and +semi-Pelagians, Donatists, Priscillianists. Such, +not an autobiography, is the object of the <i>Confessions</i>; +a praise and confession of God’s unmerited +goodness, but of himself only so much +as might illustrate out of what depth God’s +mercy had raised him.”</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>CONFESSIONS OF ST. AUGUSTINE <br> BOOK <abbr title='one'>I</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(<abbr title='one'>i</abbr>) 1. <i>Great art Thou, O Lord, and greatly +to be praised; great is Thy power, and Thy +wisdom infinite.</i> Thee would man praise; +man, but a particle of Thy creation; man, that +bears about him his mortality, the witness of +his sin, the witness that <i>Thou resistest the +proud</i>: yet would man praise Thee; he, but a +particle of Thy creation. Thou awakest us to +delight in Thy praise; for Thou madest us for +Thyself, and our heart is restless until it repose +in Thee. Grant me, Lord, to know and +understand which is first, to call on Thee or +to praise Thee? and, again, to know Thee or +to call on Thee? For who can call on Thee, +not knowing Thee? For he that knoweth Thee +not may call on Thee as other than Thou art. +Or is it rather that we call on Thee that we +may know Thee? But <i>how shall they call on +Him in whom they have not believed? or how +shall they believe without a preacher?</i> And +<i>they that seek the Lord shall praise Him. For +they that seek shall find Him</i>, and they that +find shall praise Him. I will seek Thee, Lord, +by calling on Thee; and will call on Thee, believing +in Thee; for to us hast Thou been +preached. My faith, Lord, shall call on Thee, +which Thou hast given me, wherewith Thou +hast inspired me, through the Incarnation of +Thy Son, through the ministry of the +Preacher.<a id='r1'></a><a href='#f1' class='c008'><sup>[1]</sup></a></p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='two'>ii</abbr>) 2. And how shall I call upon my God, +my God and Lord, since, when I call for Him, +I shall be calling Him to myself? and what +room is there within me whither my God can +come into me? Whither can God come into +me, God who made heaven and earth? Is +there, indeed, O Lord my God, aught in me that +can contain Thee? Do then heaven and earth, +which Thou hast made, and wherein Thou hast +made me, contain Thee? or, because nothing +which exists could exist without Thee, doth +therefore whatever exists contain Thee? Since, +then, I too exist, why do I seek that Thou +shouldst enter into me, who were not, wert Thou +not in me? Why? Because I am not gone down +in hell, and yet Thou art there also. For <i>if I +go down into hell, Thou art there</i>. I could not +be, then, O my God, could not be at all, wert +Thou not in me; or, rather, unless I were in +Thee, <i>of whom are all things, by whom are +all things, in whom are all things</i>? Even so, +Lord, even so. Whither do I call Thee, since +I am in Thee? or whence canst Thou enter +into me? For whither can I go beyond heaven +and earth, that thence my God should come +into me, who hath said, <i>I fill the heaven and +the earth</i>?</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='four'>iv</abbr>) 4. What art Thou then, my God? +What but the Lord God? <i>For who is Lord +but the Lord? or who is God save our God?</i> +Most highest, most good, most potent, most +omnipotent; most merciful, yet most just; most +hidden, yet most present; most beautiful, yet +most strong; stable, yet incomprehensible; unchangeable, +yet all-changing; never new, never +old; all-renewing, and <i>bringing age upon the +proud, and they know it not</i>; ever working, +ever at rest; still gathering, yet nothing lacking; +supporting, filling, and over-spreading; +creating, nourishing, and maturing; seeking, +yet having all things. Thou lovest, without +passion; art jealous, without anxiety; repentest, +yet grievest not; art angry, yet serene; +changest Thy works, Thy purpose unchanged; +receivest again what Thou findest, yet didst +never lose; never in need, yet rejoicing in +gains; never covetous, yet exacting usury. +Thou receivest over and above, that Thou mayest +owe; and who hath aught that is not Thine? +Thou payest debts, owing nothing; remittest +debts, losing nothing. And what have I now +said, my God, my life, my holy joy? or what +saith any man when he speaks of Thee? Yet +woe to him that speaketh not, since mute are +even the most eloquent.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='five'>v</abbr>) 5. Oh! that I might repose on Thee! +Oh! that Thou wouldst enter into my heart, +and inebriate it, that I may forget my ills, and +embrace Thee, my sole good?...</p> + +<p class='c005'>6. Narrow is the mansion of my soul; enlarge +Thou it, that Thou mayest enter in. It +is ruinous; repair Thou it. It has that within +which must offend Thine eyes; I confess +and know it. But who shall cleanse it? or to +whom should I cry, save Thee?...</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='six'>vi</abbr>) 7. Yet suffer me to speak unto Thy +mercy, me, <i>dust and ashes</i>. Yet suffer me to +speak, since I speak to Thy mercy, and not to +scornful man. Thou too, perhaps, despisest +me, yet wilt Thou <i>return and have compassion</i> +upon me....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(He gives a detailed account of his infancy +and boyhood, placing particular emphasis on +the natural benefits derived from God, and +laying repentant stress on the sins of which he +was guilty. “As a boy I had already heard +of an eternal life, promised us through the humility +of the Lord our God stooping to our +pride.” But he was rebellious against the +commands of his elders, nevertheless. He was +forced to study the classics, to become acquainted +therein with men who boasted of and +were praised for their dissolution. “These +are indeed his [Homer’s] fictions; but attributing +a divine nature to wicked men that crimes +might be no longer crimes, and whoso commits +them might seem to imitate not abandoned +men, but the celestial gods [that is, the gods, +passionate and sensual, have been dismissed by +some as merely ‘fictions’ of Homer].”)</p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='two'>II</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(<abbr title='one'>i</abbr>) 1. I will now call to mind my past +foulness, and the carnal corruptions of my +soul: not because I love them, but that I may +love Thee, O my God. For love of Thy love I +do it; reviewing my most wicked ways in the +very bitterness of my remembrance, that Thou +mayest grow sweet unto me; and gathering +me again out of that my dissipation, wherein +I was torn piecemeal, while turned from Thee, +the One Good, I lost myself among a multiplicity +of things....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(In his sixteenth year, lured on by the praise +of sin common in the company of young men +with whom he associated, he seduced a girl—and +subsequently became the father of an +illegitimate son, whom he loved greatly. “To +whom tell I this? not to Thee, my God; but +before Thee to mine own kind, even to that +small portion of mankind as may light upon +these writings of mine. And to what purpose? +that whosoever reads this may think <i>out of +what depths we are to cry unto Thee</i>. For +what is nearer to Thine ears than a confessing +heart, and a life of faith?” His parents did +not help him, did not seek to have him marry: +“Neither did the mother of my flesh, as she +advised me to chastity, so heed what she had +heard of me from her husband as to restrain +within the bounds of conjugal affection what +she felt to be pestilent at present, and for the +future dangerous. She heeded not this, for she +feared lest a wife should prove a clog and hindrance +to my hopes. Not those hopes of the +world to come, which my mother reposed in +Thee; but the hope of learning, which both my +parents were too desirous I should attain; my +father, because he had next to no thought of +Thee, and of me but vain conceits; my mother, +because she accounted that those usual courses +of learning would not only be no hindrance, +but even some furtherance towards attaining +Thee.”)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(In addition, he commits theft for the sake +of theft, stealing some pears for the pure joy +of stealing—for they did not eat the pears. +“They” were the group in which he acted this +part: he insists that he would never have +stolen had he been alone.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='six'>vi</abbr>) 12. What then did wretched I so love +in thee, thou theft of mine, thou deed of darkness, +in that sixteenth year of my age? Lovely +thou wert not, because thou wert theft. But +art thou anything, that thus I speak to thee? +Fair were the pears we stole, because they were +Thy creation, Thou fairest of all, Creator of all, +Thou good God; God, the sovereign good and +my true good. Fair were those pears, but not +them did my wretched soul desire; for I had +store of better, and those I gathered only that +I might steal. For, when gathered, I flung +them away, my only feast therein being my +own sin, which I was pleased to enjoy. For if +aught of those pears came within my mouth, +what sweetened it was sin. And now, O Lord +my God, I inquire what in that theft delighted +me; and behold it hath no loveliness; I mean +not such loveliness as in justice and wisdom; +nor such as is in the mind and memory, and +senses, and animal life of man; nor yet as the +stars are glorious and beautiful in their orbs; +or the earth, or sea, full of embryo-life, replacing +by its birth that which decayeth; nay, nor +even that false and shadowy beauty which belongeth +to deceiving vices.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='seven'>vii</abbr>) 15. <i>What shall I render unto the Lord</i>, +that, whilst my memory recalls these things, +my soul is not affrighted at them? <i>I will love +Thee, O Lord, and thank Thee, and confess +unto Thy name</i>; because Thou hast forgiven +me these so great and heinous deeds of mine. +To Thy grace I ascribe it, and to Thy mercy, +that Thou hast melted away my sins as it were +ice. To Thy grace I ascribe also whatsoever +I have not done of evil; for what might I not +have done, who even loved a sin for its own +sake? Yea, all I confess to have been forgiven +me; both what evils I committed by my own +wilfulness, and what by Thy guidance I committed +not. What man is he, who, weighing +his own infirmity, dares to ascribe his purity +and innocence to his own strength; that so he +should love Thee the less, as if he had less +needed Thy mercy, whereby Thou remittest +sins to those that turn to Thee? For whosoever, +called by Thee, followed Thy voice, and +avoided those things which he read me recalling +and confessing of myself, let him not scorn +me, who being sick was cured by that Physician, +through Whose aid it was that he was +not, or rather was less, sick: and for this let +him love Thee as much, yea and more; since +by Whom he sees me to have been recovered +from such deep consumption of sin, by Him +he sees himself to have been from the like +consumption of sin preserved.</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='three'>III</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(He resides at Carthage from his seventeenth +to nineteenth year; he reads and is strongly +influenced by Cicero’s <i>Hortensius</i>; he is attracted +to the Manicheans. Confessing a love +of shows and fiction in which the passions of +life are simulated, he repents his lack of interest +in the Scriptures at this period.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='eleven'>xi</abbr>) 19. And Thou <i>sentest Thine hand from +above</i>, and drewest my soul out of that profound +darkness, my mother, Thy faithful one, +weeping to Thee for me, more than mothers +weep the bodily deaths of their children. For +she, by that faith and spirit which she had +from Thee, discerned the death wherein I lay, +and Thou heardest her, O Lord; Thou heardest +her, and despisedst not her tears, when streaming +down they watered the ground under her +eyes<a id='r2'></a><a href='#f2' class='c008'><sup>[2]</sup></a> in every place where she prayed; yea +Thou heardest her. For whence was that +dream whereby Thou comfortedst her; so that +she allowed me to live with her, and to eat at +the same table in the house, which she had +begun to shrink from, abhorring and detesting +the blasphemies of my error? For she saw +herself standing on a certain wooden rule, and +a shining youth coming towards her, cheerful +and smiling upon her, herself grieving, and +overwhelmed with grief. But he having (in +order to instruct, as is their wont, not to be +instructed) inquired of her the causes of her +grief and daily tears, and she answering that +she was bewailing my perdition, he bade her +rest contented, and told her to look and observe, +“That where she was, there was I also.” +And when she looked, she saw me standing by +her in the same rule. Whence was this, but +that Thine ears were towards her heart? O +Thou Good omnipotent, who so carest for every +one of us, as if Thou caredst for him only; +and so for all, as if they were but one!</p> + +<p class='c005'>20. Whence was this also, that when she +had told me this vision, and I would fain bend +it to mean, “That she rather should not despair +of being one day what I was;” she presently, +without any hesitation, replies, “No; +for it was not told me that, ‘where he, there +thou also;’ but ‘where thou, there he also?’” +I confess to Thee, O Lord, that to the best of +my remembrance, (and I have oft spoken of +this), that Thy answer, through my waking +mother,—that she was not perplexed by the +plausibility of my false interpretation, and so +quickly saw what was to be seen, and which +I certainly had not perceived, before she spake,—even +then moved me more than the dream itself, +by which a joy to the holy woman, to be +fulfilled so long after, was, for the consolation +of her present anguish, so long before fore-signified. +For almost nine years passed, in +which I wallowed in the mire of that deep pit, +and the darkness of falsehood, often assaying +to rise, but dashed down the more grievously. +All which time that chaste, godly, and sober +widow, (such as Thou lovest), now more +cheered with hope, yet no whit relaxing in her +weeping and mourning, ceased not at all hours +of her devotions to bewail my case unto Thee. +And her <i>prayers entered into Thy presence</i>; +and yet Thou sufferest me to be yet involved +and reinvolved in that darkness.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(His mother attempts to persuade a bishop +to convert her son, but the bishop explains that +he is not yet ready for the faith, and that when +he is, he will follow it himself. “Go thy ways, +and God bless thee, for it is not possible that +the son of these tears should perish.”)</p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='four'>IV</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(For nine years, from his nineteenth to his +twenty-eighth year, Augustine continues in his +erring ways; “himself a Manichean and seducing +others to the same heresy; partial obedience +amidst vanity and sin, consulting astrologers, +only partially shaken herein; loss +of an early friend, who is converted by being +baptized when in a swoon.”)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='five'>v</abbr>) 10. And now, Lord, these things are +passed by, and time hath assuaged my wound. +May I learn from Thee, who art Truth, and +approach the ear of my heart unto Thy mouth, +that Thou mayest tell me why weeping is sweet +to the miserable? Hast Thou, although present +everywhere, cast away our misery far from +Thee? And Thou abidest in Thyself, but we +are tossed about in divers trials. And yet unless +we mourned in Thine ears, we should have +no hope left. Whence then is sweet fruit gathered +from the bitterness of life, from groaning, +tears, sighs, and complaints? Doth this sweeten +it, that we hope Thou hearest? This is true +of prayer, for therein is a longing to approach +unto Thee. But it is also in grief for a thing +lost, and the sorrow wherewith I was then +overwhelmed? For I neither hoped he should +return to life, nor did I desire this with my +tears; but I wept only and grieved. For I was +miserable, and had lost my joy. Or is weeping +indeed a bitter thing, and for very loathing +of the things, which we before enjoyed, +does it then, when we shrink from them, +please us?</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='six'>vi</abbr>) 11. But what speak I of these things? +for now is no time to question, but to confess +unto Thee. Wretched I was; and wretched +is every soul bound by the friendship of perishable +things; he is torn asunder when he loses +them, and then he feels the wretchedness, +which he had ere he lost them. So was it +then with me; I wept most bitterly, and found +my repose in bitterness. Thus was I wretched, +and that wretched life I held dearer than my +friend. For though I would willingly have +changed it, yet was I more unwilling to part +with it, than with him; yea, I know not +whether I would have parted with it even for +him. In me there had arisen some unexplained +feeling, too contrary to this, for at +once I loathed exceedingly to live, and feared +to die. I suppose, the more I loved him, the +more did I hate, and fear (as a most cruel +enemy) death, which had bereaved me of him: +and I imagined it would speedily make an end +of all men, since it had power over him. For +I wondered that others, subject to death, did +live, since he whom I loved, as if he should +never die, was dead: and I wondered yet +more that myself, who was to him a second +self, could live, he being dead. Well said, one +of his friend, “Thou half of my soul:” for I +felt that my soul and his soul were “one soul +in two bodies:” and therefore was my life a +horror to me, because I would not live halved. +And therefore perchance I feared to die, lest +he whom I had much loved, should die wholly.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='eight'>viii</abbr>) 13. Yet there succeeded, not indeed +other griefs, yet the causes of other griefs. +For whence had that former grief so easily +reached my very inmost soul, but that I had +poured out my soul upon the dust, in loving +one that must die, as if he would never die? +For what restored and refreshed me chiefly +was the solaces of other friends, with whom I +did love, what instead of Thee I loved; and +this was a great fable, and protracted lie, by +whose adulterous stimulus, our soul, which lay +itching in our ears, was being defiled. But +that fable would not die to me, so oft as any +of my friends died. There were other things +which in them did more take my mind; to +talk and jest together, to do kind offices by +turns; to read together honied books; to play +the fool or be earnest together; to dissent at +times without discontent, as a man might with +his own self; and even with the seldomness of +these dissentings, to season our more frequent +consentings; sometimes to teach, and sometimes +learn; long for the absent with impatience: +and welcome the coming with joy. These and +the like expressions, proceeding out of the +hearts of those that loved and were loved +again, by the countenance, the tongue, the eyes, +and a thousand pleasing gestures, were so +much fuel to melt our souls together, and out +of many make but one.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='nine'>ix</abbr>) 14. This is it that is loved in friends; +and so loved, that a man’s conscience condemns +itself if he love not him that loves him +again, or love not again him that loves him, +looking for nothing from his person but indications +of his love. Hence that mourning, if +one die, and darkenings of sorrows, that +steeping of the heart in tears, all sweetness +turned to bitterness; and upon the loss of life +of the dying, the death of the living. Blessed +whoso loveth Thee, and his friend in Thee, and +his enemy for Thee. For he alone loses none +dear to him, to whom all are dear in Him Who +cannot be lost....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='fourteen'>xiv</abbr>) 22. So did I then love men, upon +the judgment of men, not thine, O my God, in +Whom no man is deceived. But yet why not +for qualities like those of a famous charioteer, +or fighter with beasts in the theater, known +far and wide by a vulgar popularity, but far +otherwise, and earnestly, and so as I would +be myself commended? For I would not be +commended or loved, as actors are, (though I +myself did commend and love them,) but had +rather be unknown, than so known; and even +hated, than so loved. Where now are the impulses +to such various and divers kinds of +loves laid up in one soul? Why, since we are +equally men, do I love in another what, if I +did not hate, I should not spurn and cast from +myself? For it holds not, that as a good horse +is loved by him who would not, though he +might, be that horse, therefore the same may +be said of an actor, who shares our nature. Do +I then love in a man what I hate to be, who +am a man? Man himself is a great deep, whose +very <i>hairs Thou numberest</i>, O Lord, <i>and they +fall not to the ground without Thee</i>. And yet +are the hairs of his head easier to be numbered +than are his feelings, and the beatings of his +heart.</p> + +<p class='c005'>23. But there was an orator of that sort +whom I loved as wishing to be myself such; +and I erred through a swelling pride, and <i>was +tossed about with every wind</i>, but yet was +steered by Thee, though very secretly. And +whence do I know, and whence do I confidently +confess unto Thee, that I had loved him more for +the love of his commenders, than for the very +things for which he was commended? Because, +had he been unpraised, and these self-same +men had dispraised him, and with dispraise +and contempt told the very same things +of him, I had never been so kindled and excited +to love him. And yet the things had not +been other, nor he himself other; but only the +feelings of the relators. See where the impotent +soul lies along, that is not yet stayed up +by the solidity of truth! Just as the gales of +tongues blow from the breast of the opinionative, +so is it carried this way and that, driven +forward and backward, and the light is overclouded +to it, and the truth unseen. And lo, it +is before us. And it was to me a great matter +that my discourse and labors should be +known to that man: which should he approve, +I were the more kindled; but if he disapproved, +my empty heart, void of Thy solidity, +had been wounded.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(Augustine confesses himself unable even to +apply his knowledge and talents rightly without +proper notions of God.)</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='five'>V</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(Augustine’s twenty-ninth year: due to his +knowledge of scientific subjects, he has begun +to question many Manichean doctrines, and he +is told that one Faustus, an eloquent defender +of this sect, will remove all his doubts. This +Faustus, however, in spite of his eloquence, +fails to convince Augustine; on the contrary, +he serves to expose even more the falsity of +Manichean tenets. Augustine leaves Carthage +for Rome, the better to continue his work in +rhetoric, but in Rome he finds the distractions +greater than he expected, so accepts a +position as teacher of rhetoric in Milan. Here +he meets Ambrose, the bishop who first shows +him the way to divine truth—he is interested +first, not by what Ambrose says, but by how +he says it; yet, in the nature of things, he +cannot entirely escape paying some attention +to the thought as well as to the vehicle carrying +it. Augustine therefore becomes a catechumen, +or “beginner,” in the Catholic Church.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='six'>vi</abbr>) 10. ... I now learned that neither +ought anything to seem to be spoken truly, because +eloquently; nor therefore falsely, because +the utterance of the lips is inharmonious; +nor, again, therefore true, because rudely +delivered; nor therefore false, because the +language is rich; but that wisdom and folly +are as wholesome and unwholesome food; and +adorned or unadorned phrases, as courtly or +country vessels; either kind of meats may be +served up in either kind of dishes.</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c009'>BOOK <abbr title='six'>VI</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(Augustine’s mother, whom he had left at +Carthage when he departed for Rome, arrives +to join him at Milan. She is pleased by his +start on the right road, and redoubles her +prayers for his ultimate conversion. Augustine +is gradually progressing toward this culmination +of his mother’s hopes, but he is continually +assailed by doubts. He is troubled by +the worldly pursuits he has indulged in so +long. His friend, Alypius, become a devotee +of the contests and games in the Circus, is +saved from this passionate dissipation by the +God to whom Augustine looks for final salvation. +But, indicative of his imprisonment in +earthly pleasures, Augustine plans to marry, +to enable himself to continue his carnal lusts +under the protection of a legal union; he is +dissuaded by his friends, with whom he discusses, +at some length, their mode of life. +Because of these “inveterate sins,” Augustine +lives in dread of divine judgment.)</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='seven'>VII</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(<abbr title='one'>i</abbr>) 1. Deceased was now that my evil and +abominable youth, and I was passing into early +manhood [his thirty-first year]; the more defiled +by vain things as I grew in years, who +could not imagine any substance but such as +is wont to be seen with these eyes. I thought +not of Thee, O God, under the figure of a +human body; since I began to hear aught of +wisdom, I always avoided this; and rejoiced +to have found the same in the faith of our +spiritual mother, Thy Catholic Church. But +what else to conceive Thee I knew not. And +I, a man, and such a man, sought to conceive +of Thee the sovereign, only, true God; and I +did in my inmost soul believe that Thou wert +incorruptible, and uninjurable, and unchangeable; +because though not knowing whence or +how, yet I saw plainly and was sure that that +which may be corrupted must be inferior to +that which cannot; what could not be injured +I preferred unhesitatingly to what could receive +injury; the unchangeable to things subject +to change. My heart passionately cried +out against all my phantoms, and with this +one blow I sought to beat away from the eye +of my mind all that unclean troop, which +buzzed around it. And lo, being scarce put off, +in the twinkling of an eye they gathered +again thick about me, flew against my face, +and beclouded it; so that though not under +the form of the human body, yet was I constrained +to conceive of Thee (that incorruptible, +uninjurable, and unchangeable, which I +preferred before the corruptible, and injurable, +and changeable) as being in space, whether infused +into the world, or diffused infinitely +without it. Because whatsoever I conceived, +deprived of this space, seemed to me nothing, +yea altogether nothing, not even a void, as if +a body were taken out of its place, and the +place should remain empty of any body at all, +of earth and water, air and heaven, yet would +it remain a void place, as it were a specious +nothing.</p> + +<p class='c005'>2. I then being thus gross-hearted, nor clear +even to myself, whatsoever was not extended +over certain space, nor diffused, nor condensed, +nor swelled out, or did not or could not receive +some of these dimensions, I thought to be altogether +nothing. For over such forms as my +eyes are wont to range did my heart then +range: nor yet did I see that this same notion +of the mind, whereby I formed those very images, +was not of this sort, and yet it could +not have formed them, had not itself been some +great thing. So also did I endeavor to conceive +of Thee, Life of my life, as vast, through infinite +spaces, on every side penetrating the +whole mass of the universe, and beyond it, +every way, through immeasurable boundless +spaces; so that the earth should have Thee, +the heaven have Thee, all things have Thee, +and they be bounded in Thee, and Thou +bounded nowhere. For that as the body of +this air which is above the earth hindereth +not the light of the sun from passing through +it, penetrating it, not by bursting or by cutting, +but by filling it wholly: so I thought +the body not of heaven, air, and sea only, but +of the earth too, previous to Thee, so that in +all its parts, the greatest as the smallest, it +should admit Thy presence by a secret inspiration, +within and without, directing all things +which Thou hast created. So I guessed, only +as unable to conceive aught else, for it was +false. For thus should a greater part of the +earth contain a greater portion of Thee, and +a less, a lesser: and all things should in such +sort be full of Thee, that the body of an +elephant should contain more of Thee than +that of a sparrow, by how much larger it is, +and takes up more room; and thus shouldst +Thou make the several portions of Thyself +present unto the several portions of the world, +in fragments, large to the large, petty to the +petty. But such art not Thou. But not as +yet hadst Thou enlightened my darkness.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(He “sees that the cause of sin lies in free-will, +rejects the Manichean heresy, but cannot +altogether embrace the doctrine of the Church; +recovered from the belief in Astrology, but +miserably perplexed about the origin of evil; +is led to find in the Platonists the seeds of +the doctrine of the Divinity of the WORD, but +not of His humiliation; hence he obtains +clearer notions of God’s majesty, but, not knowing +Christ to be the Mediator, remains +estranged from Him; all his doubts removed +by the study of Holy Scripture, especially St. +Paul.” This Book completes Augustine’s +thirty-first year.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(Dealing with his abandonment of astrology, +a naively elaborate proof of the falsity of that +science is brought forward, to-wit: By careful +planning, two children of widely different +parents were observed, who were born at approximately +the same time. According to +astrology, their horoscopes should be the same, +for the stars would obviously be in the same +positions at their simultaneous birth. But one +was a slave, the other a successful freeman. +In addition, the common phenomenon of twins, +born at the same hour or so nearly at the +same moment that the stars could not vary +enough to be noted, is cited. The twins, according +to their horoscopes, should be similarly +endowed with abilities, and similarly favored +by fortune. Yet this has seldom proved the +case.)</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='eight'>VIII</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(Augustine’s thirty-second year.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='one'>i</abbr>) 1. O my God, let me, with thanksgiving, +remember, and confess unto Thee Thy mercies +on me.... I had ceased to doubt that there +was an incorruptible substance, whence was all +other substance; nor did I now desire to be +more certain of Thee, but more steadfast in +Thee. But for my temporal life, all was +wavering, and <i>my heart had to be purged from +the old leaven. The Way</i>, the Savior Himself, +well pleased me, but as yet I shrunk from going, +through its straitness....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(The story of the conversion of one Victorinus +influences him strongly, and he “longs +to devote himself entirely to God, but is mastered +by his old habits.”)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='three'>iii</abbr>) 6. Good God! what takes place in man, +that he should more rejoice at the salvation +of a soul despaired of, and freed from greater +peril, than if there had always been hope of +him, or the danger had been less? For so +Thou also, merciful Father, <i>dost more rejoice +over one penitent, than over ninety-nine just +persons, that need no repentance</i>. And with +much joyfulness do we hear, so often as we +hear with what joy <i>the sheep which had strayed +is brought back upon the shepherd’s shoulder</i>, ... +and the joy of the solemn service of Thy +house forceth to tears, when in Thy house it +is read of Thy <i>younger son, that he was dead, +and lived again; had been lost, and is found</i>....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='four'>iv</abbr>) 9. Up, Lord, and do; stir us up, and +recall us; kindle and draw us; inflame, grow +sweet unto us; let us now love, <i>let us run</i>. +Do not many, out of a deeper hell of blindness +than Victorinus, return to Thee, approach, and +are enlightened, receiving that <i>Light</i>, which +<i>they who receive, receive power from Thee to +become Thy sons</i>?...</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='five'>v</abbr>) 10. ... I was bound, not with another’s +irons, but by my own iron will. My +will the enemy held, and thence had made a +chain for me, and bound me. For of a froward +will was a lust made; and a lust served, became +custom; and custom not resisted became +necessity. By which links, as it were, joined +together (whence I called it a chain) a hard +bondage held me enthralled. But that new will +which had begun to be in me, freely to serve +Thee, and to wish to enjoy Thee, O God, the +only assured pleasantness, was not yet able to +overcome my former wilfulness, strengthened +by age. Thus did my two wills, one new, and +the other old, one carnal, the other spiritual, +struggle within me; and by their discord, undid +my soul.</p> + +<p class='c005'>11. Thus I understood, by my own experience, +what I had read, how <i>the flesh lusteth +against the spirit and the spirit against the +flesh</i>.... I, still under service to the earth, +refused to fight under Thy banner, and feared +as much to be freed of all incumbrances, as +we should fear to be encumbered with it. Thus +with the baggage of this present world was I +held down pleasantly, as in sleep: and the +thoughts wherein I meditated on Thee were like +the efforts of such as would awake, who yet +overcome with a heavy drowsiness are again +drenched therein. And as no one would sleep +forever, and in all men’s sober judgment, waking +is better, yet a man for the most part, +feeling a heavy lethargy in all his limbs, defers +to shake off sleep, and, though half displeased, +yet, even after it is time to rise, with pleasure +yields to it, so was I assured that much better +were it for me to give myself up to Thy charity, +than to give myself over to mine own cupidity; +but though the former course satisfied me and +gained the mastery, the latter pleased me and +held me mastered.... <i>Who then should +deliver me thus wretched from the body of this +death, but Thy grace only, through Jesus Christ +our Lord?</i></p> + +<p class='c005'>(Alypius and Nebridius, friends of Augustine, +are now with him at Milan. Alypius and another +friend relate of Antony, the Egyptian +monk, and of how two courtiers were converted +by his influence. This rouses Augustine and +stirs him deeply.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='seven'>vii</abbr>) 16. Thou, O Lord, didst turn me +round towards myself, taking me from behind +my back, where I had placed me, unwilling +to observe myself; and setting me before my +face, that I might see how foul I was, how +crooked and defiled, bespotted and ulcerous. +And I beheld and stood aghast; and whither to +flee from myself I found not. And if I sought +to turn mine eye from off myself, Thou again +didst set me over against myself, and thrustedst +me before my eyes, that <i>I might find out mine +iniquity, and hate it</i>. I had known it, but made +as though I saw it not, winked at it, and forgot +it.</p> + +<p class='c005'>18. ... What said I not against myself? +with what scourges of condemnation lashed I +not my soul, that it might follow me, striving +to go after Thee! Yet it drew back; refused, +but excused not itself. All arguments were +spent and confuted; there remained a mute +shrinking; and she feared, as she would death, +to be restrained from the flux of that custom +whereby she was wasting to death.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='eight'>viii</abbr>) 19. ... A little garden there was to +our lodging, which we had the use of, as of the +whole house; for the master of the house, our +host, was not living there. Thither had the +tumult of my breast hurried me, where no man +might hinder the hot contention wherein I had +engaged with myself, until it should end as +Thou knewest, I knew not. Only I was healthfully +distracted and drying, to live; knowing +what evil thing I was, and not knowing what +good thing I was shortly to become.... (Alypius, +as his intimate friend, goes with him into +the garden; otherwise he is quite alone.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='eleven'>xi</abbr>) 25. Soul-sick was I, and tormented, +accusing myself much more severely than my +wont, rolling and turning me in my chain, till +that were wholly broken, whereby I now was +but just, but still was, held. And Thou, O +Lord, pressedst upon me in my inward parts +by a severe mercy, redoubling the lashes of fear +and shame, lest I should again give way, and +not bursting that same slight remaining tie, +it should recover strength, and bind me the +faster. For I said within myself, “Be it done +now, be it done now.” And as I spake, I all +but enacted it. I all but did it, and did it not: +yet sunk not back to my former state, but kept +my stand hard by, and took breath. And I essayed +again, and wanted somewhat less of it, +and somewhat less, and all but touched and +laid hold of it; and yet came not at it, nor +touched, nor laid hold of it; hesitating to die +to death and to live to life: and the worse +whereto I was inured, prevailed more with me +than the better, whereto I was unused: and the +very moment wherein I was to become other +than I was, the nearer it approached me, the +greater horror did it strike into me; yet did it +not strike me back, nor turned me away, but +held me in suspense.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='twelve'>xii</abbr>) 28. When a deep consideration had +from the secret bottom of my soul drawn together +and heaped up all my misery in the sight +of my heart; there arose a mighty storm, +bringing a mighty shower of tears. Which that +I might pour forth wholly, in its natural expressions, +I rose from Alypius: solitude was +suggested to me as fitter for the business of +weeping; so I retired so far that even his +presence could not be a burthen to me. Thus +was it then, with me, and he perceived something +of it; for something I suppose I had +spoken, wherein the tones of my voice appeared +choked with weeping, and so had risen +up. He then remained where we were sitting, +most extremely astonished. I cast myself down +I know not how, under a certain fig-tree, giving +full vent to my tears; and the floods of mine +eyes gushed out, an <i>acceptable sacrifice to +Thee</i>. And, not indeed in these words, yet to +this purpose, spake I much unto Thee: <i>And +Thou, O Lord, how long? how long, Lord, wilt +Thou be angry, forever? Remember not our +former iniquities</i>, for I felt that I was held +by them. I sent up these sorrowful words: +How long? how long, “tomorrow, and tomorrow?” +Why not now? why not is there this +hour an end to my uncleanness.</p> + +<p class='c005'>29. So was I speaking, and weeping in the +most bitter contrition of my heart, when, lo! I +heard from a neighboring house a voice, as of +boy or girl, I know not, chanting, and oft repeating, +“Take up and read; Take up and +read.” Instantly, my countenance altered, I +began to think most intently, whether children +were wont in any kind of play to sing such +words: nor could I remember ever to have +heard the like. So checking the torrent of my +tears, I arose; interpreting it to be no other +than a command from God, to open the book, +and read the first chapter I should find. For I +had heard of Antony, that coming in during +the reading of the Gospel, he received the admonition +as if what was being read was spoken +to him; <i>Go, sell all that thou hast, and give to +the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in +heaven, and come and follow me</i>. And by such +oracle he was forthwith converted unto Thee. +Eagerly then I returned to the place where +Alypius was sitting; for there had I laid the +volume of the Apostle, when I arose thence. I +seized, opened, and in silence read that section, +on which my eyes first fell: <i>Not in rioting +and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, +not in strife and envying: but put ye +on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision +for the flesh</i>,<a id='r3'></a><a href='#f3' class='c008'><sup>[3]</sup></a> in concupiscence. No +further would I read; nor need I: for instantly +at the end of this sentence, by a light as it +were of serenity infused into my heart, all the +darkness of doubt vanished away.</p> + +<p class='c005'>30. Then putting my finger between, or +some other mark, I shut the volume, and with +a calmed countenance made it known to Alypius. +And what was wrought in him, which I +knew not, he thus showed me. He asked to +see what I had read: I showed him; and he +looked even further than I had read, and I +knew not what followed. This followed, <i>him +that is weak in the faith, receive</i>; which he +applied to himself, and disclosed to me. And +by this admonition was he strengthened; and +by a good resolution and purpose, and most +corresponding to his character, wherein he did +always very far differ from me, for the better, +without any turbulent delay he joined me. +Thence we go into my mother; we tell her; +she rejoiceth: we relate in order how it took +place; she leaps for joy, and triumpheth, and +blesseth Thee, <i>Who art able to do above that +which we ask or think</i>; for she perceived that +Thou hadst given her more for me, than she +was wont to beg by her pitiful and most sorrowful +groanings. For Thou convertedst me +unto Thyself, so that I sought neither wife, nor +any hope of this world, standing in that rule +of faith where Thou hadst showed me unto +her in a vision, so many years before. And +Thou didst <i>convert her mourning into joy</i>, +much more plentiful than she had desired, and +in a much more precious and purer way than +she erst required, by having grandchildren of +my body.</p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='nine'>IX</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(<abbr title='one'>i</abbr>) 1. <i>O Lord, I am Thy servant; I am Thy +servant, and the son of Thy handmaid: Thou +hast broken my bonds in sunder. I will offer +to Thee the sacrifice of praise.</i>...</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='five'>v</abbr>) 13. The vintage-vacation ended, I gave +notice to the Milanese to provide their scholars +with another master to sell words to them; +for that I had both made choice to serve Thee, +and through my difficulty of breathing and +pain in my chest, was not equal to the Professorship. +And by letters I signified to Thy +Prelate, the holy man Ambrose, my former +errors and present desires, begging his advice +what of Thy Scriptures I had best read, to become +readier and fitter for receiving so great +grace. He recommended Isaiah the Prophet: I +believe, because he above the rest is a more +clear foreshower of the Gospel and of the calling +of the Gentiles. But I, not understanding +the first lesson in him, and imagining the +whole to be like it, laid it by, to be resumed +when better practised in our Lord’s own words.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='six'>vi</abbr>) 14. Thence, when the time was come, +wherein I was to give in my name,<a id='r4'></a><a href='#f4' class='c008'><sup>[4]</sup></a> we left the +country and returned to Milan.... and we +were baptized, and anxiety for our past life +vanished from us. Nor was I sated in those +days with the wondrous sweetness of considering +the depth of Thy counsels concerning the +salvation of mankind. How did I weep, in Thy +Hymns and Canticles, touched to the quick by +the voices of Thy sweet-attuned Church! The +voices flowed into mine ears, and the Truth +distilled into my heart, whence the affections +of my devotion overflowed, and tears ran down, +and happy was I therein.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='eight'>viii</abbr>) 17. ... We sought where we might +serve Thee most usefully, and were returned +to Africa: whitherward being as far as Ostia, +my mother departed this life. Much I omit, as +hastening much. Receive my confessions and +thanksgivings, O my God, for innumerable +things whereof I am silent. But I will not omit +whatsoever my soul would bring forth concerning +that Thy handmaid, who brought me +forth, both in the flesh, that I might be born +to this temporal light, and in heart, that I +might be born to light eternal. Not her gifts, +but Thine in her, would I speak of; for neither +did she make nor educate herself. Thou createdst +her; nor did her father and mother know +what a one should come from them. And the +scepter of Thy Christ, the discipline of Thine +only Son, in a Christian house, a good member +of Thy Church, educated her in Thy fear.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='nine'>ix</abbr>) 19. Brought up modestly and soberly, +and made subject rather by Thee to her parents, +than by her parents to Thee, so soon as +she was of marriageable age, being bestowed +upon a husband, she served him as her lord; +and did her diligence to win him unto Thee, +preaching Thee unto him by her conversation; +by which Thou ornamentedst her, making her +reverently amiable, and admirable unto her +husband....</p> + +<p class='c005'>21. This great gift also Thou bestowedst, O +my God, my mercy, upon that good handmaid +of Thine, in whose womb Thou createdst me, +that between any disagreeing and discordant +parties where she was able, she showed herself +such a peacemaker, that hearing on both +sides most bitter things when the crudities of +enmities are breathed out in sour discourses +to a present friend against an absent enemy, +she never would disclose aught of the one unto +the other, but what might tend to their +reconcilement. A small good this might appear +to me, did I not to my grief know numberless +persons who, through some horrible and widespreading +contagion of sin, not only disclose +to persons mutually angered things said in +anger, but add withal things never spoken, +whereas to humane humanity it ought to seem +a light thing, not to foment or increase ill +will by ill words, unless one study withal by +good words to quench it. Such was she, Thyself, +her most inward Instructor, teaching her +in the school of the heart.</p> + +<p class='c005'>22. Finally, her own husband, towards the +very end of his earthly life, did she gain unto +Thee; nor had she to complain of that in him +as a believer, which before he was a believer +she had borne from him.... For she had +been <i>the wife of one man</i>, had <i>requited her +parents, had governed her house</i> piously, <i>was +well reported of for good works, had brought +up children</i>, so often <i>travailing in birth of +them</i>, as she saw them swerving from Thee. +Lastly, of all of us Thy servants, O Lord, (whom +on occasion of Thy own gift Thou sufferest to +speak,) us, who before her sleeping in Thee +lived united together, having received the grace +of Thy baptism, did she so take care of, as +though she had been mother of us all; so served +us, as though she had been child to us all.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='ten'>x</abbr>) 23. The day now approaching whereon +she was to depart this life, (which day Thou +well knewest, we knew not,) it came to pass, +Thyself, as I believe, by Thy secret ways so +ordering it, that she and I stood alone; leaning +in a certain window, which looked into the +garden of the house where we now lay, at +Ostia; where removed from the din of men, +we were recruiting from the fatigues of a long +journey, for the voyage. We were discoursing +then together, alone, very sweetly; and <i>forgetting +those things which are behind, and +reaching forth unto those things which are before</i>, +we were inquiring between ourselves in +the presence of the Truth, which Thou art, of +what sort the eternal life of the saints was to +be, <i>which eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor +hath it entered into the heart of man</i>. But yet +we gasped with the mouth of our heart, after +those heavenly streams of Thy fountain, <i>the +fountain of life</i>, which is <i>with Thee</i>; that being +bedewed thence according to our capacity, +we might in some sort meditate upon so high +a mystery.</p> + +<p class='c005'>24. And when our discourse was brought to +that point, that the very highest delight of the +earthly senses, in the very purest material +light, was, in respect of the sweetness of that +life, not only not worthy of comparison, but not +even of mention; we raising up ourselves with +a more glowing affection towards the “Self-same,” +did by degrees pass through all things +bodily, even the very heaven, when sun and +moon, and stars shine upon the earth; yea, we +were soaring higher yet, by inward musing, +and discourse, and admiring of Thy works; and +we came to our own minds, and went beyond +them, that we might arrive at that region of +never-failing plenty, where <i>Thou feedest Israel</i> +forever with the food of truth, and where life +is the <i>Wisdom by whom all</i> these <i>things are +made</i>, and what have been, and what shall be, +and she is not made, but is, as she hath been, +and so shall she be ever; yea rather, to “have +been,” and “hereafter to be,” are not in her, +but only “to be,” seeing she is eternal. For +to “have been,” and “to be hereafter,” are not +eternal. And while we were discoursing and +panting after her, we slightly touched on her +with the whole effort of our heart; and we +sighed, and there we leave bound <i>the first +fruits of the Spirit</i>; and returned to vocal expressions +of our mouth, where the word spoken +was beginning and end. And what is like unto +Thy Word, our Lord, who <i>endureth in Himself</i> +without becoming old, and <i>maketh all things +new</i>?</p> + +<p class='c005'>25. We were saying then: If to any the +tumult of the flesh were hushed, hushed the +images of earth, and waters, and air, hushed +also the poles of heaven, yea the very soul be +hushed to herself, and by not thinking on self +surmount self, hushed all dreams and imaginary +revelations, every tongue and every sign, +and whatsoever exists only in transition, since +if any could hear, all these say, <i>We made not +ourselves, but He made us that abideth forever</i>—If +then having uttered this, they too should +be hushed, having roused only our ears to Him +who made them, and He alone speak, not by +them, but by Himself, that we may hear His +Word, not through any tongue of flesh, nor +Angel’s voice, nor sound of thunder, nor in +the dark riddle of similitude, but, might hear +Whom in these things we love, might hear His +Very Self without these, (as we two now +strained ourselves, and in swift thought touched +on that Eternal Wisdom, which abideth over +all;)—could this be continued on; and other +visions of kind far unlike be withdrawn, and +this one ravish, and absorb, and wrap up its +beholder amid these inward joys, so that life +might be forever like that one moment of understanding +which now we sighed after; were +not this, <i>Enter into thy Master’s joy</i>? And +when shall that be? When <i>we shall all rise +again</i>, though we <i>shall not all be changed</i>?</p> + +<p class='c005'>26. Such things was I speaking, and even +if not in this very manner, and these same +words, yet, Lord, Thou knowest, that in that +day when we were speaking of these things, +and this world with all its delights became, as +we spake, contemptible to us, my mother said, +“Son, for mine own part I have no further delight +in anything in this life. What I do here +any longer, and to what end I am here, I know +not, now that my hopes in this world are accomplished. +One thing there was for which I +desired to linger for a while in this life, that +I might see thee a Catholic Christian before I +died. My God hath done this for me more +abundantly, that I should now see thee withal, +despising earthly happiness, become His servant: +what do I here?”</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='eleven'>xi</abbr>) 27. What answer I made her unto +these things, I remember not. For scarce five +days after, or not much more, she fell sick of a +fever; and in that sickness one day she fell +into a swoon, and was for a while withdrawn +from these visible things. We hastened round +her; but she was soon brought back to her +senses; and looking on me and my brother +standing by her, said to us inquiringly, “Where +was I?” And then looking fixedly on us, with +grief amazed; “Here,” saith she, “shall you +bury your mother.” I held my peace and refrained +weeping; but my brother spake something, +wishing for her, as the happier lot, that +she might die, not in a strange place, but in +her own land. Whereat, she with anxious look, +checking him with her eyes, for that he still +<i>savored such things</i>, and then looking upon +me; “Behold,” saith she, “what he saith:” and +soon after to us both, “Lay,” she saith, “this +body anywhere; let not the care for that any +way disquiet you: this only I request, that you +would remember me at the Lord’s altar, wherever +you be.” And having delivered this sentiment +in what words she could, she held her +peace, being exercised by her growing sickness.</p> + +<p class='c005'>28. But I, considering Thy gifts, Thou unseen +God, which Thou instillest into the hearts +of Thy faithful ones, whence wondrous fruits +do spring, did rejoice and give thanks to Thee, +recalling what I before knew, how careful and +anxious she had ever been, as to her place of +burial, which she had provided and prepared +for herself by the body of her husband. For +because they had lived in great harmony together, +she also wished (so little can the human +mind embrace things divine) to have this addition +to that happiness, and to have it remembered +among men, that after her pilgrimage +beyond the seas, what was earthly of this +united pair had been permitted to be united +beneath the same earth. But when this emptiness +had through the fullness of Thy goodness +begun to cease in her heart, I knew not, and +rejoiced admiring what she had so disclosed to +me; though indeed in that our discourse also +in the window, when she said, “What do I here +any longer?” there appeared no desire of dying +in her own country. I heard afterwards also, +that when we were now at Ostia, she with a +mother’s confidence, when I was absent, one +day discoursed with certain of my friends about +the contempt of this life, and the blessing of +death: and when they were amazed at such +courage which Thou hadst given to a woman, +and asked, “Whether she were not afraid to +leave her body so far from her own city?” she +replied, “Nothing is far to God; nor was it to +be feared lest at the end of the world, He +should not recognize whence He were to raise +me up.” On the ninth day then of her sickness, +and the fifty-sixth year of her age, and +the three and thirtieth of mine, was that religious +and holy soul freed from the body.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='twelve'>xii</abbr>) 29. I closed her eyes; and there flowed +withal a mighty sorrow into my heart; which +was overflowing into tears; mine eyes at the +same time, by the violent command of my +mind, drank up their fountain wholly dry; and +woe was me in such a strife! But when she +breathed her last, a boy burst out into a loud +lament; then, checked by us all, held his peace. +In like manner also a childish feeling in me, +which was, through my heart’s youthful voice, +finding its vent in weeping, was checked and +silenced. For we thought it not fitting to +solemnize that funeral with tearful lament, and +groanings: for thereby do they for the most +part express grief for the departed, as though +unhappy, or altogether dead; whereas she was +neither unhappy in her death, nor altogether +dead. Of this we were assured on good grounds, +the testimony of her good conversation and +her <i>faith unfeigned</i>.</p> + +<p class='c005'>30. What then was it which did grievously +pain me within, but a fresh wound wrought +through the sudden wrench of that most sweet +and dear custom of living together? I joyed +indeed in her testimony, when, in that her last +sickness, mingling her endearments with my +acts of duty, she called me “dutiful,” and +mentioned, with great affection of love, that +she never had heard any harsh or reproachful +sound uttered by my mouth against her. But +yet, O my God, Who madest us, what comparison +is there betwixt that honor that I paid to +her, and her slavery for me? Being then forsaken +of so great comfort in her, my soul was +wounded, and that life rent asunder as it were, +which, of hers and mine together, had been +made but one.</p> + +<p class='c005'>31. The boy then being stifled from weeping, +Euodius took up the Psalter, and began +to sing, our whole house answering him, the +Psalm, <i>I will sing of mercy and judgment to +Thee, O Lord</i>. But hearing what we were doing, +many brethren and religious women came +together; and whilst they (whose office it +was) made ready for the burial, as the manner +is, I (in a part of the house where I might +properly), together with those who thought +not fit to leave me, discoursed upon something +fitting the time; and by this balm of truth assuaged +that torment, known to Thee, they unknowing +and listening intently, and conceiving +me to be without all sense of sorrow. But +in Thy ears, where none of them heard, I +blamed the weakness of my feelings, and refrained +my flood of grief, which gave way a little +unto me; but again came, as with a tide, +yet not so as to burst out into tears, nor to a +change of countenance; still I knew what I was +keeping down in my heart. And being very +much displeased that these human things had +such power over me, which in the due order +and appointment of our natural condition must +needs come to pass, with a new grief I grieved +for my grief, and was thus worn by a double +sorrow.</p> + +<p class='c005'>32. And behold, the corpse was carried to +the burial; we went and returned without +tears. For neither in those prayers which we +poured forth unto Thee, when the sacrifice of +our ransom was offered for her, when now the +corpse was by the grave’s side, as the manner +there is, previous to its being laid therein, did +I weep even during those prayers; yet was I +the whole day in secret heavily sad, and with +troubled mind prayed Thee, as I could, to heal +my sorrow, yet Thou didst not; impressing, I +believe, upon my memory by this one instance, +how strong is the bond of all habit, even upon +a soul which now feeds upon no deceiving +Word. It seemed also good to me to go and +bathe, having heard that the bath had its name +from the Greek word implying a driving of sadness +from the mind. And this also I confess +unto Thy mercy, <i>Father of the fatherless</i>, that +I bathe, and was the same as before I bathed. +For the bitterness of sorrow could not exude +out of my heart. Then I slept, and woke up +again, and found my grief not a little softened; +and as I was alone in my bed, I remembered +those true verses of Thy Ambrose. For Thou +art the</p> + +<div class='lg-container-b c010'> + <div class='linegroup'> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'>Maker of all, the Lord,</div> + <div class='line in2'>And Ruler of the height,</div> + <div class='line'>Who, robing day in light, hast poured</div> + <div class='line in2'>Soft slumbers o’er the night,</div> + <div class='line'>That to our limbs the power</div> + <div class='line in2'>Of toil may be renew’d,</div> + <div class='line'>And hearts be rais’d that sink and cower,</div> + <div class='line in2'>And sorrows be subdu’d.</div> + </div> + </div> +</div> + +<p class='c011'>33. And then by little and little I recovered +my former thoughts of Thy handmaid, her holy +conversation towards Thee, her holy tenderness +and observance toward us, whereof I was +suddenly deprived: and I was minded to weep +in Thy sight, for her and for myself, in her +behalf and in my own. And I gave way to the +tears which I before restrained, to overflow +as much as they desired; reposing my heart +upon them; and it found rest in them, for it +was in Thy ears, not in those of man, who +would have scornfully interpreted my weeping. +And now, Lord, in writing I confess it unto +Thee. Read it, who will, and interpret it, how +he will: and if he finds sin therein, that I +wept my mother for a small portion of an +hour, (the mother who for the time was dead +to mine eyes, who had for many years wept +for me, that I might live in Thine eyes,) let +him not deride me; but rather, if he be one of +large charity, let him weep himself for my +sins unto Thee, the Father of all the brethren +of Thy Christ.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='thirteen'>xiii</abbr>) 37. May she rest then in peace with +the husband, before and after whom she had +never any; whom she obeyed, <i>with patience +bringing forth fruit</i> unto Thee, that she might +win him also unto Thee. And inspire, O Lord +my God, inspire Thy servants my brethren, Thy +sons my masters, whom with voice, and heart, +and pen I serve, that so many as shall read +these Confessions may at Thy Altar remember +Monnica Thy handmaid, with Patricius, her +sometimes husband, by whose bodies Thou +broughtest me into this life, how, I know not. +May they with devout affection remember my +parents in this transitory light, my brethren +under Thee our Father in our Catholic Mother, +and my fellow citizens in that eternal Jerusalem, +which Thy pilgrim people sigheth after +from their Exodus, even unto their return +thither. That so my mother’s last request of +me may, through my confessions, more than +through my prayers, be, through the prayers +of many, more abundantly fulfilled to her.</p> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='ten'>X</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(“Having in the former books spoken of +himself before his receiving the grace of Baptism, +in this Augustine confesses what he then +was. But first he inquires by what faculty +we can know God at all, whence he enlarges +on the mysterious character of the memory, +wherein God, being made known, dwells, but +which could not discover Him. Then he examines +his own trials under the triple division +of temptation, ‘lust of the flesh, lust of the +eyes, and pride;’ what Christian continency +prescribes as to each. On Christ, the Only +Mediator, who heals and will heal all infirmities.” +The sections on the nature of memory +are the most interesting, and surprizing, too, +in the light of modern psychology.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='eight'>viii</abbr>) 12. I come to the fields and spacious +palaces of my memory, where are the treasures +of innumerable images, brought into it from +things of all sorts perceived by the senses. +There is stored up, whatsoever besides we +think, either by enlarging or diminishing, or +any other way varying those things which the +sense hath come to; and whatever else hath +been committed and laid up, which forgetfulness +hath not yet swallowed up and buried. +When I enter there, I require what I will to +be brought forth, and something instantly +comes; others must be longer sought after, +which are fetched, as it were, out of some +inner receptacle; others rush out in troops, and +while one thing is desired and required, they +start forth, as who should say, “Is it perchance +I?” These I drive away with the hand +of my heart from the face of my remembrance; +until what I wished for be unveiled, and appear +in sight, out of its secret place. Other +things come up readily, in unbroken order, +as they are called for; those in front making +way for the following; and as they make way, +they are hidden from sight, ready to come +when I will. All which takes place, when I +repeat a thing by heart.</p> + +<p class='c005'>13. There are all things preserved distinctly +and under general heads, each having entered +by its own avenue: as light, and all +colors and forms of bodies, by the eyes; by +the ears all sorts of sounds; all smells by the +avenue of the nostrils; all tastes by the mouth; +and by the sensation of the whole body, what +is hard or soft; hot or cold; smooth or rugged; +heavy or light; either outwardly or inwardly +to the body. All these doth that great harbor +of the memory receive in her numberless secret +and inexpressible windings, to be forthcoming, +and brought out at need; each entering in by +his own gate, and there laid up. Nor yet do +the things themselves enter in; only the images +of the things perceived are there in readiness, +for thought to recall. Which images, how they +are formed, who can tell, though it doth plainly +appear by which sense each hath been +brought in and stored up? For even while I +dwell in darkness and silence, in my memory +I can produce colors, if I will, and discern +betwixt black and white, and what others I +will: nor yet do sounds break in, and disturb +the image drawn in by my eyes, which +I am reviewing, though they also are there, +lying dormant, and laid up, as it were, apart. +For these too I call for, and forthwith they +appear. And though my tongue be still, and +my throat mute, so can I sing as much as I +will; nor do those images of colors, which notwithstanding +be there, intrude themselves and +interrupt, when another store is called for, +which flowed in by the ears. So the other +things, piled in and up by the other senses, I +recall at my pleasure. Yea, I discern the +breath of lilies from violets, though smelling +nothing; and I prefer honey to sweet wine, +smooth before rugged, at the time neither tasting, +nor handling, but remembering only.</p> + +<p class='c005'>14. These things do I within, in that vast +court of my memory. For there are present +with me heaven, earth, sea, and whatever I +could think on therein, besides what I have +forgotten. There also meet I with myself, and +recall myself, and when, where, and what I +have done, and under what feelings. There +be all which I remember, either on my own experience, +or others’ credit. Out of the same +store do I myself with the past continually +combine fresh and fresh likenesses of things, +which I have experienced, or, from what I +have experienced, have believed: and thence +again infer future actions, events and hopes, +and all these again I reflect on, as present.... +I speak to myself: and when I speak, +the images of all I speak of are present, out +of the same treasury of memory; nor would +I speak of any thereof, were the images +wanting.</p> + +<p class='c005'>15. Great is this force of memory, excessive +great, O my God; a large and boundless +chamber! who ever sounded the bottom thereof? +yet is this a power of mine, and belongs +unto my nature; nor do I myself comprehend +all that I am. Therefore is the mind too +strait to contain itself....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='nine'>ix</abbr>) 16. Here also is all learnt of the liberal +sciences and as yet unforgotten; removed +as it were to some inner place, which is yet no +place: nor are they the images thereof, but +the things themselves.... For some things +are not transmitted into the memory, but their +images only are with an admirable swiftness +caught up, and stored as it were in wondrous +cabinets, and thence wonderfully by the act of +remembering brought forth.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='twelve'>xii</abbr>) 19. The memory containeth also reasons +and laws innumerable of numbers and +dimensions, none of which hath any bodily +sense impressed; seeing they have neither +color, nor sound, nor taste, nor smell, nor +touch....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='fourteen'>xiv</abbr>) 21. The same memory contains also +the affections of my mind, not in the same +manner that my mind itself contains them, +when it feels them; but far otherwise, according +to a power of its own. For without +rejoicing I remember myself to have joyed; +and without sorrow do I recollect my past +sorrow. And that I once feared, I review +without fear; and without desire call to mind +a past desire. Sometimes, on the contrary, +with joy do I remember my fore-past sorrow, +and with sorrow, joy....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='sixteen'>xvi</abbr>) 24. What, when I name forgetfulness, +and withal recognize what I name? whence +should I recognize it, did I not remember it? +I speak not of the sound of the name, but of +the thing which it signifies: which if I had +forgotten, I could not recognize what that +sound signifies. When then I remember +memory, memory itself is, through itself, +present with itself: but when I remember +forgetfulness, there are present both memory +and forgetfulness; memory whereby I remember, +forgetfulness which I remember. But what +is forgetfulness, but the privation of memory? +How then is it present that I remember it, +since when present I cannot remember? But +if what we remember we hold it in memory, +yet, unless we did remember forgetfulness, we +could never at the hearing of the name, recognize +the thing thereby signified, then forgetfulness +is retained by memory. Present then +it is, that we forget not, and being so, we +forget. It is to be understood from this, that +forgetfulness, when we remember it, is not +present to the memory by itself, but by its +image: because if it were present by itself, it +would not cause us to remember, but to forget. +Who now shall search out this? who shall +comprehend how it is?</p> + +<p class='c005'>25. Lord, I, truly, toil therein, yea and toil +in myself; I am became a heavy soil requiring +over much <i>sweat of the brow</i>. For we are +not now searching out the regions of heaven, +or measuring the distances of the stars, or +inquiring the balancings of the earth. It is +I myself who remember, I the mind. It is +not so wonderful if what I myself am not, be +far from me. But what is nearer to me than +myself? And lo, the force of mine own memory +is not understood by me; though I cannot so +much as name myself without it. For what +shall I say, when it is clear to me that I +remember forgetfulness? Shall I say that that +is not in my memory, which I remember? or +shall I say that forgetfulness is for this purpose +in my memory, that I might not forget? +Both were most absurd. What third way is +there? How can I say that the image of forgetfulness +is retained by my memory, not forgetfulness +itself, when I remember it? How +could I say this either, seeing that when the +image of anything is impressed on the memory, +the thing itself must needs be first present, +whence that image may be impressed? For +thus do I remember Carthage, thus all places +where I have been, thus men’s faces whom I +have seen, and things reported by the other +senses; thus the health or sickness of the body. +For when these things were present, my +memory received from them images, which, +being present with me, I might look on and +bring back in my mind when I remember them +in their absence. If then this forgetfulness is +retained in the memory through its image, +not through itself, then plainly itself was once +present, that its image might be taken. But +when it was present, how did it write its +image in the memory, seeing that forgetfulness +by its presence effaces even what it finds +already noted? And yet, in whatever way, although +that way be past conceiving and explaining, +yet certain am I that I remember +forgetfulness itself also, whereby what we remember +is effaced.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='seventeen'>xvii</abbr>) 26. ... I will pass even beyond this +power of mine which is called memory: yea, +I will pass beyond it, that I may approach +unto Thee, O sweet Light. What sayest Thou +to me? See, I am mounting up through my +mind towards Thee who abidest above me. Yea +I will now pass beyond this power of mine +which is called memory, desirous to arrive at +Thee, whence Thou mayest be arrived at; and +to cleave unto Thee, whence one may cleave +unto Thee. For even beasts and birds have +memory; else could they not return to their +dens and nests, nor many other things they +are used unto: nor indeed could they be used +to anything, but by memory. I will pass then +beyond memory, that I may arrive at Him who +hath separated me from the four-footed beasts +and made me wiser than the fowls of the air, +I will pass beyond memory also, and where +shall I find Thee, Thou truly good and certain +sweetness? And where shall I find Thee?...</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-four∮'>xxiv</abbr>) 35. See what a space I have gone +over in my memory seeking Thee, O Lord; and +I have not found Thee without it. Nor have +I found anything concerning Thee, but what +I have kept in memory ever since I learnt +Thee. For since I learnt Thee, I have not forgotten +Thee. For where I found Truth, there +found I my God, the Truth Itself; which since I +learnt, I have not forgotten. Since then I +learned Thee, Thou residest in my memory; +and there do I find Thee, when I call Thee to +remembrance, and delight in Thee. These be +my holy delights, which Thou hast given me +in Thy mercy, having regard to my poverty.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-five∮'>xxv</abbr>) 36. But where in my memory residest +Thou, O Lord, where residest Thou there? what +manner of lodging hast Thou framed for Thee? +what manner of sanctuary hast Thou builded +for Thee? Thou hast given this honor to my +memory, to reside in it; but in what quarter +of it Thou residest, that am I considering. For +in thinking on Thee, I passed beyond such +parts of it as the beasts also have, for I found +Thee not there among the images of corporeal +things: and I came to those parts to which I +committed the affections of my mind, nor found +Thee there. And I entered into the very seat +of my mind, (which it hath in my memory, +inasmuch as the mind remembers itself also,) +neither wert Thou there: for as Thou art not +a corporeal image, nor the affection of a living +being; (as when we rejoice, condole, desire, +fear, remember, forget, or the like;) so neither +art Thou the mind itself; because Thou art +the Lord God of the mind; and all these are +changed, but Thou remainest unchangeable +over all, and yet hast vouchsafed to dwell in my +memory, since I learnt Thee. And why seek I +now, in what place whereof Thou dwellest, as +if there were places therein? Sure I am, that +in it Thou dwellest, since I have remembered +Thee, ever since I learnt Thee, and there I find +Thee, when I call Thee to remembrance.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-six∮'>xxvi</abbr>) 37. Where then did I find Thee, that +I might learn Thee? For in my memory Thou +wert not, before I learned Thee. Where then +did I find Thee, that I might learn Thee, but +in Thee above me? Place there is none; <i>we go +backward and forward</i>, and there is no place. +Everywhere, O Truth, dost Thou give audience +to all who ask counsel of Thee, and at once +answerest all, though on manifold matters they +ask Thy counsel. Clearly dost Thou answer, +though all do not clearly hear. All consult +Thee on what they will, though they hear not +always what they will. He is thy best servant +who looks not so much to hear that from +Thee which himself willeth; as rather to will +that which from Thee he heareth.</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='eleven'>XI</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(“Augustine breaks off the history of the +mode whereby God led him to holy Orders, in +order to ‘confess’ God’s mercies in opening to +him the Scripture. Moses is not to be understood, +but in Christ, not even the first words +<i>In the beginning God created the heaven and +the earth</i>. Answer to cavillers who asked, what +did God before He created the heaven and the +earth, and whence willed He at length to make +them, whereas He did not make them before. +Inquiry into the nature of Time.”)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(It is in considering the question of God’s +actions before the Creation, and of his delay +in not bringing about the Creation sooner, that +Augustine comes to consider the nature of +Time.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='fourteen'>xiv</abbr>) 17. At no time then hadst Thou not +made anything, because time itself Thou madest. +And no times are coeternal with Thee, +because Thou abidest; but if they abode, they +should not be times. For what is time? Who +can readily and briefly explain this? Who can +even in thought comprehend it, so as to utter +a word about it? But what in discourse do +we mention more familiarly and knowingly +than time? And we understand when we speak +of it; we understand also when we hear it +spoken of by another. What then is time? If +no one asks me, I know: if I wish to explain +it to one that asketh, I know not: yet I say +boldly that I know, that if nothing passed +away, time past were not; and if nothing were +coming, a time to come were not; and if nothing +were, time present were not. Those two +times then, past and to come, how are they, +seeing the past now is not, and that to come +is not yet? But the present, should it always +be present, and never pass into time past, +verily it should not be time, but eternity. If +time present (if it is to be time) only cometh +into existence, because it passeth into time +past, how can we say that either this is, whose +cause of being is, that it shall not be; so, +namely, that we cannot truly say that time is, +but because it is tending not to be?</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='fifteen'>xv</abbr>) 18. And yet we say, “a long time” +and “a short time;” still, only of time past or +to come. A long time past (for example) we +call an hundred years since; and a long time +to come, an hundred years hence. But a short +time past, we call (suppose) ten days since; +and a short time to come, ten days hence. But +in what sense is that long or short, which is +not? For the past is not now; and the future +is not yet. Let us not then say “it is long”; +but of the past, “it hath been long”; and of the +future, “it will be long.”</p> + +<p class='c005'>(But the past, being no more, cannot be +long, for what ceases to be, ceases also to be +long. Yet can the present be long? Say, a +hundred years? No, for a hundred years is +never present at once, nor even a month, or a +day, or an hour—only the smallest conceivable +instant is present. What then of the future? +The future is not yet, so is not long; and when +the future is here, it is the present, which has +been shown to be the briefest conceivable instant.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='sixteen'>xvi</abbr>) 21. And yet, Lord, we perceive intervals +of times, and compare them, and say +some are shorter and others longer. We measure +also how much longer or shorter this time +is than that; and we answer, “This is double, +or treble; and that, but once, or only just so +much as that.” But we measure times as they +are passing, by perceiving them; but past, +which now are not, or the future, which are +not yet, who can measure? unless a man shall +presume to say that can be measured which +is not. When then time is passing, it may be +perceived and measured; but when it is past, +it cannot, because it is not.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='twenty'>xx</abbr>) 26. What now is clear and plain is that +neither things to come nor past are. Nor is it +properly said, “there be three times, past, present, +and to come”: yet perchance it might be +properly said, “there be three times; a present +of things past, a present of things present, and +a present of things future.” For these three +do exist in some sort, in the soul, but otherwhere +do I not see them; present of things +past, memory; present of things present, sight; +present of things future, expectation. If thus +we be permitted to speak, I see three times, +and I confess there are three. Let it be said +too, “there be three times, past, present, and +to come”: in our incorrect way. See, I object +not, nor gainsay, nor find fault, if what is so +said be but understood, that neither what is to +be, now is, nor what is past. For but few +things are there which we speak properly, most +things improperly; still the things intended +are understood.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-one∮'>xxi</abbr>) 27. I said then even now, we measure +times as they pass, in order to be able to say, +this time is twice so much as that one; or, this +is just so much as that; and so of any other +parts of time, which be measurable. Wherefore, +as I said, we measure times as they pass....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-three∮'>xxiii</abbr>) 30. I desire to know the force and +nature of time, by which we measure the motions +of bodies, and say (for example) this motion +is twice as long as that....</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-four∮'>xxiv</abbr>) 31. Dost Thou bid me assent, if any +define time to be “motion of a body?” Thou +dost not bid me. For that no body is moved, +but in time, I hear; this Thou sayest; but +that the motion of a body is time, I hear not; +Thou sayest it not.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(For it is quite possible to measure the time +a body stands still, as, for instance, in the expression: +“It stood still twice as long as it +moved.” Time, therefore, is not the motion of +a body.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-six∮'>xxvi</abbr>) 33. Does not my soul most truly confess +unto Thee that I do measure times?... +That I measure time, I know; and yet I measure +not time to come, for it is not yet; nor +present, because it is not protracted by any +space; nor past, because it now is not. What +then do I measure? Times passing, not past? +for so I said.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(Time is measured between the beginning +and end of something, as between the beginning +and end of a sound. The sound cannot be +measured before it begins, while it is sounding, +or after it has stopped. But, by noting +the beginning and ending, the interval can be +determined.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-seven∮'>xxvii</abbr>) 36. It is in thee, my mind, that I +measure times. Interrupt me not, that is, +interrupt not thyself with the tumults of thy +impressions. In thee I measure times; the impression, +which things as they pass by cause +in thee, remains even when they are gone; this +it is which still present, I measure, not the +things which pass by to make this impression. +This I measure, when I measure times. Either +then this is time, or I do not measure times. +What when we measure silence, and say that +this silence hath held as long time as did +that voice? do we not stretch out our thought +to the measure of a voice, as if it sounded? +that so we may be able to report of the intervals +of silence in a given space of time?...</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-eight∮'>xxviii</abbr>) 37. ... It is not future time that +is long, for as yet it is not: but a “long future” +is “a long expectation of the future,” +nor is it time past, which now is not, that is +long; but a long past is “a long memory of +the past.”</p> + +<p class='c005'>38. I am about to repeat a Psalm that I +know. Before I begin, my expectation is extended +over the whole; but when I have begun, +how much soever of it I shall separate +off into the past, is extended along my memory; +thus the life of this action of mine is +divided between my memory as to what I +have repeated, and expectation as to what I +am about to repeat; but “consideration” is +present with me, that through it what was +future may be conveyed over, so as to become +past. Which the more it is done again and +again, so much the more the expectation being +shortened, is the memory enlarged; till the +whole expectation be at length exhausted, +when the whole action being ended, shall have +passed into memory. And this which takes +place in the whole Psalm, the same takes +place in each several portion of it, and each +several syllable; the same holds in that longer +action, whereof this Psalm may be a part; +the same holds in the whole life of man, +whereof all the actions of man are parts; +the same holds through the whole age of the +sons of men, whereof all the lives of men are +parts.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='thirty'>xxx</abbr>) 40. And now I will stand and become +firm in Thee, in my mold, Thy truth; +nor will I endure the questions of men, who +by a penal disease thirst for more than they +can contain, and say, “what did God before +He <i>made heaven and earth</i>?” “Or, how came +it into His mind to make anything, having +never before made anything?” Give them, O +Lord, well to bethink themselves what they +say, and to find that “never” cannot be predicated, +when “time” is not. This then that He +is said “never to have made;” what else is it +to say, then “in ‘no time’ to have made?” Let +them see therefore that time cannot be without +created being, and cease to <i>speak</i> that +<i>vanity</i>. May they also be <i>extended towards +those things which are before</i>; and understand +Thee before all times, the eternal Creator +of all times, and that no times be coeternal +with Thee, nor any creature, even if there +be any creature before all time.</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c006'>BOOK <abbr title='twelve'>XII</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(“Augustine proceeds to comment on Genesis +<abbr title='one'>i</abbr>, 1, and explains the ‘heaven’ to mean that +spiritual and incorporeal creation, which +cleaves to God unintermittingly, always beholding +His countenance; ‘earth,’ the formless +matter whereof the corporeal creation was +afterwards formed. He does not reject, however, +other interpretations, which he adduces, +but rather confesses that such is the depth of +Holy Scripture that manifold senses may and +ought to be extracted from it, and that whatever +truth can be obtained from its words, +does, in fact, lie concealed in them.”)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(Most of this Book and some of the next is +devoted to a discussion of the first verse of +the first chapter of Genesis, deriving a great +many possible interpretations of the words of +Moses, and considering carefully their respective +meanings and bearings upon the +Scripture and upon man’s attitude toward the +Scripture and toward God. That it is possible +so to derive many meanings is to Augustine +a proof of the greatness of the Scriptures, as +he summarizes in the following brief extract.)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮twenty-seven∮'>xxvii</abbr>) 37. For as a fountain with a narrow +compass is more plentiful, and supplies a +tide for more streams over larger spaces, than +any one of those streams, which, after a wide +interval, is derived from the same fountain; +so the relation of that dispenser of Thine, +which was to benefit many who were to discourse +thereon, does out of a narrow scantling +of language overflow into streams of clearest +truth, whence every man may draw out for +himself such truth as he can upon these subjects, +one, one truth, another, another, by +larger circumlocutions of discourse....</p> +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c009'>BOOK <abbr title='thirteen'>XIII</abbr></h2> +</div> +<p class='c007'>(“Continuation of the exposition of Genesis +<abbr title='one'>i</abbr>, 1; it contains the mystery of the Trinity, +and a type of the formation, extension, and +support of the Church.”)</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮thirty-two∮'>xxxii</abbr>) 47. Thanks to Thee, O Lord. We behold +<i>the heaven and earth</i>, whether the corporeal +part, superior and inferior, or the spiritual +and corporeal creature; and in the adorning of +these parts, whereof the universal pile of the +world, or rather the universal creation, doth +consist, we see <i>light</i> made, and <i>divided from +the darkness</i>. We see the <i>firmament of heaven</i>, +whether that primary body of the world, <i>between +the</i> spiritual upper <i>waters and the</i> inferior +corporeal <i>waters</i>, or (since this also is +called heaven) this space of air through which +wander the fowls of heaven, <i>betwixt those waters</i> +which are in vapors borne above them, and in +clear nights distil down in dew; <i>and</i> those +heavier <i>waters</i> which flow along the earth. +We behold a face of <i>waters gathered together</i> +in the fields of <i>the sea</i>; and <i>the dry land</i> both +void, and formed so as to be visible and harmonized, +yea and the matter of herbs and +trees. We behold <i>the lights</i> shining from above, +<i>the sun</i> to suffice for <i>the day, the moon and +the stars</i> to cheer <i>the night</i>; and that by all +these, <i>times</i> should be marked and signified. We +behold on all sides a moist element, replenished +with fishes, beasts, and birds; because the +grossness of the air, which bears up the flights +of birds, thickeneth itself by the exhalation of +the waters. We behold the face of the earth +decked out with earthly creatures, and <i>man, +created after Thy image and likeness</i>, even +through that Thy very <i>image and likeness</i>, +(that is the power of reason and understanding), +set over all irrational creatures. And as +in his soul there is one power which has dominion +by directing, another made subject, that +it might obey; so was there for the man, corporeally +also, made a woman, who in the mind +of her reasonable understanding should have +a parity of nature, but in the sex of her body, +should be in like manner subject to the sex +of her husband, as the appetite of doing is fain +to conceive the skill of right-doing, from the +reason of the mind. These things we behold, +and they are severally <i>good</i>, and altogether +<i>very good</i>.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮thirty-three∮'>xxxiii</abbr>) 48. Let Thy works praise Thee, that +we may love Thee; and let us love Thee, that +Thy works may praise Thee, which from time +have beginning and ending, rising and setting, +growth and decay, form and privation. They +have then their succession of morning and evening, +part secretly, part apparently; for they +were made of nothing, by Thee, not of Thee; +not of any matter not Thine, or that was before, +but of matter concreated, (that is, at the +same time created by Thee), because to its +state <i>without form</i>, Thou without any interval +of time didst give form. For seeing the matter +of <i>heaven and earth</i> is one thing, and the form +another, Thou madest the matter of merely +nothing, but the form of the world out of the +matter <i>without form</i>; yet both together, so that +the form should follow the matter, without +any interval of delay.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮thirty-four∮'>xxxiv</abbr>) 49. We have also examined what +Thou willedst to be shadowed forth, whether +by the creation, or the relation of things in such +an order. And we have seen, that things singly +<i>are good</i>, and together <i>very good</i>, in Thy word, +in Thy Only-Begotten, both <i>heaven and earth</i>, +the Head and the body of the Church, in Thy +predestination before all times, without <i>morning +and evening</i>. But when Thou begannest to +execute in time the things predestinated, to the +end Thou mightest reveal hidden things, and +rectify our <i>disorders</i>; for our sins hung over +us, and we had sunk into the <i>dark deep</i>, and Thy +good <i>Spirit was borne</i> over us, to help us <i>in due +season</i>; and Thou didst <i>justify the ungodly</i>, +and <i>dividest</i> them from the wicked; and Thou +<i>madest the firmament</i> of authority of Thy Book +between those placed <i>above</i>, who were to be docile +unto Thee, and those <i>under</i>, who were to +be subject to them: and Thou <i>gatheredst together</i> +the society of unbelievers <i>into one</i> conspiracy, +that the zeal of the faithful might appear, +and they might <i>bring forth</i> works of +mercy, even distributing to the poor their earthly +riches, to obtain heavenly. And after this +didst Thou kindle certain <i>lights in the firmament</i>, +Thy Holy ones, having <i>the word of life</i>; +and shining with an eminent authority set on +high through spiritual gifts; after that again, +for the initiation of the unbelieving Gentiles, +didst Thou out of corporeal matter produce the +Sacraments, and visible miracles, and forms of +words according to the firmament of Thy Book, +by which the faithful should be <i>blessed</i> and +<i>multiplied</i>. Next didst Thou form the <i>living +soul</i> of the faithful, through affections well ordered +by the vigor of continency: and after that, +the mind subjected to Thee alone and needing +to imitate no human authority, hast Thou renewed +<i>after</i> Thy <i>image and likeness</i>; and didst +subject its rational actions to the excellency of +the understanding, as <i>the</i> woman to the man; +and to all Offices of Thy Ministry, necessary +for the perfecting of the faithful in this life, +Thou willedst, that for their temporal uses, +good things, fruitful to themselves in time to +come, be given by the same faithful. <i>All</i> these +we see, and they are <i>very good</i>, because Thou +seest them in us, Who hast given unto us Thy +Spirit, by which we might see them, and in +them love Thee.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮thirty-five∮'>xxxv</abbr>) 50. O Lord God, <i>give peace unto us</i>: +(for Thou hast given us all things); the peace +of rest, the peace of the Sabbath, which hath +no evening. For all this most goodly array of +things <i>very good</i>, having finished their courses, +is to pass away, for in them there <i>was morning +and evening</i>.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮thirty-six∮'>xxxvi</abbr>) 51. But the seventh day hath no +evening, nor hath it setting; because Thou +hast sanctified it to an everlasting continuance; +that that which Thou didst <i>after Thy works +which were very good, resting the seventh day</i>, +although Thou madest them in unbroken rest, +that may the voice of Thy Book announce beforehand +unto us, that we also after our works, +(therefore, <i>very good</i>, because Thou hast given +them us), shall <i>rest</i> in Thee also in the Sabbath +of eternal life.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮thirty-seven∮'>xxxvii</abbr>) 52. For then shalt Thou so rest in +us, as now Thou workest in us; and so shall +that be Thy rest through us, as these are Thy +works through us. But Thou, Lord, ever workest, +and art ever at rest. Nor dost Thou see in +time, nor art moved in time, nor restest in a +time; and yet Thou makest things seen in time, +yea the times themselves, and the rest which +results from time.</p> + +<p class='c005'>(<abbr title='∮thirty-eight∮'>xxxviii</abbr>) 53. We therefore see these things +which Thou madest, because they are: but they +are, because Thou seest them. And we see without, +that they are, and within, that they are +good, but Thou sawest them there, when made, +where Thou sawest them, yet to be made. And +we were at a later time moved to do well, after +our hearts had conceived of Thy spirit; but in +the former time we were moved to do evil, forsaking +Thee; but Thou, the One, the Good God, +didst never cease doing good. And we also have +some <i>good works</i>, of Thy gift, but not eternal; +<i>after them</i> we trust to <i>rest</i> in Thy great <i>hallowing</i>. +But Thou, being the Good which needeth +no good, art ever at rest, because Thy rest is +Thou Thyself. And what man can teach man to +understand this? or what Angel, an Angel? or +what Angel, a man? Let it be <i>asked</i> of Thee, +<i>sought</i> in Thee, <i>knocked</i> for at Thee; so, so shall +it be <i>received</i>, so shall it be <i>found</i>, so shall it be +<i>opened</i>. Amen.</p> +<p class='c007'>GRATIAS TIBI DOMINE.</p> + +<div class='nf-center-c1'> +<div class='nf-center c002'> + <div><span class='large'>Footnotes</span></div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='footnote' id='f1'> +<p class='c005'><span class='label'><a href='#r1'>1</a>.  </span>The preacher who influenced Augustine’s conversion +and baptized him. (see Introduction).</p> +</div> +<div class='footnote' id='f2'> +<p class='c005'><span class='label'><a href='#r2'>2</a>.  </span>“He alludes here to that devout manner of the +Eastern ancients, who used to lie flat on their faces +in prayer.”</p> +</div> +<div class='footnote' id='f3'> +<p class='c005'><span class='label'><a href='#r3'>3</a>.  </span>Romans <abbr title='thirteen'>xiii</abbr>, 13-14.</p> +</div> +<div class='footnote' id='f4'> +<p class='c005'><span class='label'><a href='#r4'>4</a>.  </span>To be baptized at Easter, they handed in their +names before the second Sunday in Lent.</p> +</div> +<div class='tnotes'> + + <ul class='ul_1 c002'> + <li>Transcriber’s Notes: + <ul class='ul_2'> + <li>Footnotes have been collected at the end of the text, and are linked for ease of + reference. + </li> + </ul> + </li> + </ul> + +</div> + +<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 77585 ***</div> + </body> + <!-- created with ppgen.py 3.57e on 2025-12-19 17:59:19 GMT --> +</html> diff --git a/77585-h/images/cover.jpg b/77585-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2e1b912 --- /dev/null +++ b/77585-h/images/cover.jpg |
