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diff --git a/old/b162w10.txt b/old/b162w10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8609819 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/b162w10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19082 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook Paul Clifford, by Lytton, Complete +#162 in our series by Edward Bulwer-Lytton + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**EBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These EBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers***** + + +Title: Paul Clifford, Complete + +Author: Edward Bulwer-Lytton + +Release Date: March 2005 [EBook #7735] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on May 13, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + + + + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PAUL CLIFFORD, BY LYTTON *** + + + + +This eBook was produced by Bryan Sherman +and David Widger, widger@cecomet.net + + + + + +PAUL CLIFFORD + +By Edward Bulwer-Lytton + + + +PREFACE TO THE EDITION OF 1840. + +This novel so far differs from the other fictions by the same author that +it seeks to draw its interest rather from practical than ideal sources. +Out of some twelve Novels or Romances, embracing, however inadequately, a +great variety of scene and character,--from "Pelham" to the "Pilgrims of +the Rhine," from "Rienzi" to the "Last Days of Pompeii,"--"Paul Clifford" +is the _only one_ in which a robber has been made the hero, or the +peculiar phases of life which he illustrates have been brought into any +prominent description. + +Without pausing to inquire what realm of manners or what order of crime +and sorrow is open to art, and capable of administering to the proper +ends of fiction, I may be permitted to observe that the present subject +was selected, and the Novel written, with a twofold object: First, to +draw attention to two errors in our penal institutions; namely, a vicious +prison-discipline, and a sanguinary criminal code,--the habit of +corrupting the boy by the very punishment that ought to redeem him, and +then hanging the man at the first occasion, as the easiest way of getting +rid of our own blunders. Between the example of crime which the tyro +learns from the felons in the prison-yard, and the horrible levity with +which the mob gather round the drop at Newgate, there is a connection +which a writer may be pardoned for quitting loftier regions of +imagination to trace and to detect. So far this book is less a picture +of the king's highway than the law's royal road to the gallows,--a satire +on the short cut established between the House of Correction and the +Condemned Cell. A second and a lighter object in the novel of "Paul +Clifford" (and hence the introduction of a semi-burlesque or travesty in +the earlier chapters) was to show that there is nothing essentially +different between vulgar vice and fashionable vice, and that the slang of +the one circle is but an easy paraphrase of the cant of the other. + +The Supplementary Essays, entitled "Tomlinsoniana," which contain the +corollaries to various problems suggested in the Novel, have been +restored to the present edition. + +CLIFTON, July 25, 1840. + +PREFACE TO THE EDITION OF 1848. + +Most men who with some earnestness of mind examine into the mysteries of +our social state will perhaps pass through that stage of self-education +in which this Novel was composed. The contrast between conventional +frauds, received as component parts of the great system of civilization, +and the less deceptive invasions of the laws which discriminate the +_meum_ from the _tuum_, is tempting to a satire that is not without its +justice. The tragic truths which lie hid in what I may call the +Philosophy of Circumstance strike through our philanthropy upon our +imagination. We see masses of our fellow-creatures the victims of +circumstances over which they had no control,--contaminated in infancy by +the example of parents, their intelligence either extinguished or turned +against them, according as the conscience is stifled in ignorance or +perverted to apologies for vice. A child who is cradled in ignominy, +whose schoolmaster is the felon, whose academy is the House of +Correction,--who breathes an atmosphere in which virtue is poisoned, to +which religion does not pierce,--becomes less a responsible and reasoning +human being than a wild beast which we suffer to range in the wilderness, +till it prowls near our homes, and we kill it in self-defence. + +In this respect the Novel of "Paul Clifford" is a loud cry to society to +amend the circumstance,--to redeem the victim. It is an appeal from +Humanity to Law. And in this, if it could not pretend to influence or +guide the temper of the times, it was at least a foresign of a coming +change. Between the literature of imagination, and the practical +interests of a people, there is a harmony as complete as it is +mysterious. The heart of an author is the mirror of his age. The shadow +of the sun is cast on the still surface of literature long before the +light penetrates to law; but it is ever from the sun that the shadow +falls, and the moment we see the shadow we may be certain of the light. + +Since this work was written, society has been busy with the evils in +which it was then silently acquiescent. The true movement of the last +fifteen years has been the progress of one idea,--Social Reform. There +it advances with steady and noiseless march behind every louder question +of constitutional change. Let us do justice to our time. There have +been periods of more brilliant action on the destinies of States, but +there is no time visible in History in which there was so earnest and +general a desire to improve the condition of the great body of the +people. In every circle of the community that healthful desire is astir. +It unites in one object men of parties the most opposed; it affords the +most attractive nucleus for public meetings; it has cleansed the +statute-book from blood; it is ridding the world of the hangman. It +animates the clergy of all sects in the remotest districts; it sets the +squire on improving cottages and parcelling out allotments. Schools rise +in every village; in books the lightest, the Grand Idea colours the page, +and bequeaths the moral. The Government alone (despite the professions +on which the present Ministry was founded) remains unpenetrated by the +common genius of the age; but on that question, with all the subtleties +it involves, and the experiments it demands,--not indeed according to the +dreams of an insane philosophy, but according to the immutable laws which +proportion the rewards of labour to the respect for property,--a +Government must be formed at last. + +There is in this work a subtler question suggested, but not solved,--that +question which perplexes us in the generous ardour of our early +youth,--which, unsatisfactory as all metaphysics, we rather escape from +than decide as we advance in years; namely, make what laws we please, the +man who lives within the pale can be as bad as the man without. Compare +the Paul Clifford of the fiction with the William Brandon,--the hunted +son with the honoured father, the outcast of the law with the dispenser +of the law, the felon with the judge; and as at the last they front each +other,--one on the seat of justice, the other at the convict's bar,--who +can lay his hand on his heart and say that the Paul Clifford is a worse +man than the William Brandon. + +There is no immorality in a truth that enforces this question; for it is +precisely those offences which society cannot interfere with that society +requires fiction to expose. Society is right, though youth is reluctant +to acknowledge it. Society can form only certain regulations necessary +for its self-defence,--the fewer the better,--punish those who invade, +leave unquestioned those who respect them. But fiction follows truth +into all the strongholds of convention; strikes through the disguise, +lifts the mask, bares the heart, and leaves a moral wherever it brands a +falsehood. + +Out of this range of ideas the mind of the Author has, perhaps, emerged +into an atmosphere which he believes to be more congenial to Art. But he +can no more regret that he has passed through it than he can regret that +while he dwelt there his heart, like his years, was young. Sympathy with +the suffering that seems most actual, indignation at the frauds which +seem most received as virtues, are the natural emotions of youth, if +earnest. More sensible afterwards of the prerogatives, as of the +elements, of Art, the Author, at least, seeks to escape where the man may +not, and look on the practical world through the serener one of the +ideal. + +With the completion of this work closed an era in the writer's +self-education. From "Pelham" to "Paul Clifford" (four fictions, all +written at a very early age), the Author rather observes than imagines; +rather deals with the ordinary surface of human life than attempts, +however humbly, to soar above it or to dive beneath. From depicting in +"Paul Clifford" the errors of society, it was almost the natural progress +of reflection to pass to those which swell to crime in the solitary human +heart,--from the bold and open evils that spring from ignorance and +example, to track those that lie coiled in the entanglements of refining +knowledge and speculative pride. Looking back at this distance of years, +I can see as clearly as if mapped before me, the paths which led across +the boundary of invention from "Paul Clifford" to "Eugene Aram." And, +that last work done, no less clearly can I see where the first gleams +from a fairer fancy broke upon my way, and rested on those more ideal +images which I sought with a feeble hand to transfer to the "Pilgrims of +the Rhine" and the "Last Days of Pompeii." We authors, like the Children +in the Fable, track our journey through the maze by the pebbles which we +strew along the path. From others who wander after us, they may attract +no notice, or, if noticed, seem to them but scattered by the caprice of +chance; but we, when our memory would retrace our steps, review in the +humble stones the witnesses of our progress, the landmarks of our way. + +Knelworth, 1848. + + + + +PAUL CLIFFORD. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +Say, ye oppressed by some fantastic woes, +Some jarring nerve that baffles your repose, +Who press the downy couch while slaves advance +With timid eye to read the distant glance, +Who with sad prayers the weary doctor tease +To name the nameless, ever-new disease, +Who with mock patience dire complaints endure, +Which real pain and that alone can cure, +How would you bear in real pain to lie +Despised, neglected, left alone to die? +How would you bear to draw your latest breath +Where all that's wretched paves the way to death? --Crabbe. + +It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at +occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which +swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling +along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the +lamps that struggled against the darkness. Through one of the obscurest +quarters of London, and among haunts little loved by the gentlemen of the +police, a man, evidently of the lowest orders, was wending his solitary +way. He stopped twice or thrice at different shops and houses of a +description correspondent with the appearance of the _quartier_ in which +they were situated, and tended inquiry for some article or another which +did not seem easily to be met with. All the answers he received were +couched in the negative; and as he turned from each door he muttered to +himself, in no very elegant phraseology, his disappointment and +discontent. At length, at one house, the landlord, a sturdy butcher, +after rendering the same reply the inquirer had hitherto received, added, +"But if _this_ vill do as vell, Dummie, it is quite at your sarvice!" +Pausing reflectively for a moment, Dummie responded that he thought the +thing proffered _might_ do as well; and thrusting it into his ample +pocket, he strode away with as rapid a motion as the wind and the rain +would allow. He soon came to a nest of low and dingy buildings, at the +entrance to which, in half-effaced characters, was written "Thames +Court." Halting at the most conspicuous of these buildings, an inn or +alehouse, through the half-closed windows of which blazed out in ruddy +comfort the beams of the hospitable hearth, he knocked hastily at the +door. He was admitted by a lady of a certain age, and endowed with a +comely rotundity of face and person. + +"Hast got it, Dummie?" said she, quickly, as she closed the door on the +guest. + +"Noa, noa! not exactly; but I thinks as 'ow--" + +"Pish, you fool!" cried the woman, interrupting him peevishly. "Vy, it +is no use desaving me. You knows you has only stepped from my +boosing-ken to another, and you has not been arter the book at all. So +there's the poor cretur a, raving and a dying, and you--" + +"Let I speak!" interrupted Dummie in his turn. "I tells you I vent +first to Mother Bussblone's, who, I knows, chops the whiners morning and +evening to the young ladies, and I axes there for a Bible; and she says, +says she, 'I 'as only a "Companion to the _H_alter," but you'll get a +Bible, I think, at Master Talkins', the cobbler as preaches.' So I goes +to Master Talkins, and he says, says he, 'I 'as no call for the Bible, +--'cause vy? I 'as a call vithout; but mayhap you'll be a getting it at +the butcher's hover the vay, -'cause vy? The butcher 'll be damned!' So +I goes hover the vay, and the butcher says, says he, 'I 'as not a Bible, +but I 'as a book of plays bound for all the vorld just like 'un, and +mayhap the poor cretur may n't see the difference.' So I takes the +plays, Mrs. Margery, and here they be sure_ly!_ And how's poor Judy?" + +"Fearsome! she'll not be over the night, I'm a thinking." + +"Vell, I'll track up the dancers!" + +So saying, Dummie ascended a doorless staircase, across the entrance of +which a blanket, stretched angularly from the wall to the chimney, +afforded a kind of screen; and presently he stood within a chamber which +the dark and painful genius of Crabbe might have delighted to portray. +The walls were whitewashed, and at sundry places strange figures and +grotesque characters had been traced by some mirthful inmate, in such +sable outline as the end of a smoked stick or the edge of a piece of +charcoal is wont to produce. The wan and flickering light afforded by a +farthing candle gave a sort of grimness and menace to these achievements +of pictorial art, especially as they more than once received +embellishments from portraits of Satan such as he is accustomed to be +drawn. A low fire burned gloomily in the sooty grate, and on the hob +hissed "the still small voice" of an iron kettle. On a round deal table +were two vials, a cracked cup, a broken spoon of some dull metal, and +upon two or three mutilated chairs were scattered various articles of +female attire. On another table, placed below a high, narrow, +shutterless casement (athwart which, instead of a curtain, a checked +apron had been loosely hung, and now waved fitfully to and fro in the +gusts of wind that made easy ingress through many a chink and cranny), +were a looking-glass, sundry appliances of the toilet, a box of coarse +rouge, a few ornaments of more show than value, and a watch, the regular +and calm click of which produced that indescribably painful feeling +which, we fear, many of our readers who have heard the sound in a +sick-chamber can easily recall. A large tester-bed stood opposite to +this table, and the looking-glass partially reflected curtains of a faded +stripe, and ever and anon (as the position of the sufferer followed the +restless emotion of a disordered mind) glimpses of the face of one on +whom Death was rapidly hastening. Beside this bed now stood Dummie, a +small, thin man dressed in a tattered plush jerkin, from which the +rain-drops slowly dripped, and with a thin, yellow, cunning physiognomy +grotesquely hideous in feature, but not positively villanous in +expression. On the other side of the bed stood a little boy of about +three years old, dressed as if belonging to the better classes, although +the garb was somewhat tattered and discoloured. The poor child trembled +violently, and evidently looked with a feeling of relief on the entrance +of Dummie. And now there slowly, and with many a phthisical sigh, heaved +towards the foot of the bed the heavy frame of the woman who had accosted +Dummie below, and had followed him, _haud passibus aequis_, to the room +of the sufferer; she stood with a bottle of medicine in her hand, shaking +its contents up and down, and with a kindly yet timid compassion spread +over a countenance crimsoned with habitual libations. This made the +scene,--save that on a chair by the bedside lay a profusion of long, +glossy, golden ringlets, which had been cut from the head of the sufferer +when the fever had begun to mount upwards, but which, with a jealousy +that portrayed the darling littleness of a vain heart, she had seized and +insisted on retaining near her; and save that, by the fire, perfectly +inattentive to the event about to take place within the chamber, and to +which we of the biped race attach so awful an importance, lay a large +gray cat, curled in a ball, and dozing with half-shut eyes, and ears that +now and then denoted, by a gentle inflection, the jar of a louder or +nearer sound than usual upon her lethargic senses. The dying woman did +not at first attend to the entrance either of Dummie or the female at the +foot of the bed, but she turned herself round towards the child, and +grasping his arm fiercely, she drew him towards her, and gazed on his +terrified features with a look in which exhaustion and an exceeding +wanness of complexion were even horribly contrasted by the glare and +energy of delirium. + +"If you are like _him_," she muttered, "I will strangle you,--I will! +Ay, tremble, you ought to tremble when your mother touches you, or when +_he_ is mentioned. You have his eyes, you have! Out with them, +out,--the devil sits laughing in them! Oh, you weep, do you, little one? +Well, now, be still, my love; be hushed! I would not harm thee! Harm +--0 God, he _is_ my child after all!" And at these words she clasped the +boy passionately to her breast, and burst into tears. + +"Coom, now, coom," said Dummie, soothingly; "take the stuff, Judith, and +then ve'll talk over the hurchin!" + +The mother relaxed her grasp of the boy, and turning towards the speaker, +gazed at him for some moments with a bewildered stare; at length she +appeared slowly to remember him, and said, as she raised herself on one +hand, and pointed the other towards him with an inquiring gesture,--"Thou +hast brought the book?" + +Dummie answered by lifting up the book he had brought from the honest +butcher's. + +"Clear the room, then," said the sufferer, with that air of mock command +so common to the insane. "We would be alone!" + +Dummie winked at the good woman at the foot of the bed; and she (though +generally no easy person to order or to persuade) left, without +reluctance, the sick chamber. + +"If she be a going to pray," murmured our landlady (for that office did +the good matron hold), "I may indeed as well take myself off, for it's +not werry comfortable like to those who be old to hear all that 'ere!" + +With this pious reflection, the hostess of the Mug,--so was the hostelry +called,--heavily descended the creaking stairs. "Now, man," said the +sufferer, sternly, "swear that you will never reveal,--swear, I say! And +by the great God whose angels are about this night, if ever you break the +oath, I will come back and haunt you to your dying day!" + +Dummie's face grew pale, for he was superstitiously affected by the +vehemence and the language of the dying woman, and he answered, as he +kissed the pretended Bible, that he swore to keep the secret, as much as +he knew of it, which, she must be sensible, he said, was very little. As +he spoke, the wind swept with a loud and sudden gust down the chimney, +and shook the roof above them so violently as to loosen many of the +crumbling tiles, which fell one after the other, with a crashing noise, +on the pavement below. Dummie started in affright; and perhaps his +conscience smote him for the trick he had played with regard to the false +Bible. But the woman, whose excited and unstrung nerves led her astray +from one subject to another with preternatural celerity, said, with an +hysterical laugh, "See, Dummie, they come in state for me; give me the +cap--yonder--and bring the looking-glass!" + +Dummie obeyed; and the woman, as she in a low tone uttered something +about the unbecoming colour of the ribbons, adjusted the cap on her head, +and then, saying in a regretful and petulant voice, "Why should they have +cut off my hair? Such a disfigurement!" bade Dummie desire Mrs. Margery +once more to ascend to her. + +Left alone with her child, the face of the wretched mother softened as +she regarded him, and all the levities and all the vehemences--if we may +use the word--which, in the turbulent commotion of her delirium, had been +stirred upward to the surface of her mind, gradually now sank as death +increased upon her, and a mother's anxiety rose to the natural level from +which it had been disturbed and abased. She took the child to her bosom, +and clasping him in her arms, which grew weaker with every instant, she +soothed him with the sort of chant which nurses sing over their untoward +infants; but her voice was cracked and hollow, and as she felt it was so, +the mother's eyes filled with tears. Mrs. Margery now reentered; and +turning towards the hostess with an impressive calmness of manner which +astonished and awed the person she addressed, the dying woman pointed to +the child and said,-- + +"You have been kind to me, very kind, and may God bless you for it! I +have found that those whom the world calls the worst are often the most +_human_. But I am not going to thank you as I ought to do, but to ask of +you a last and exceeding favour. Protect my child till he grows up. You +have often said you loved him,--you are childless yourself,--and a morsel +of bread and a shelter for the night, which is all I ask of you to give +him, will not impoverish more legitimate claimants." + +Poor Mrs. Margery, fairly sobbing, vowed she would be a mother to the +child, and that she would endeavour to rear him honestly; though a +public-house was not, she confessed, the best place for good examples. + +"Take him," cried the mother, hoarsely, as her voice, failing her +strength, rattled indistinctly, and almost died within her. "Take him, +rear him as you will, as you can; any example, any roof, better than--" +Here the words were inaudible. "And oh, may it be a curse and a-- Give +me the medicine; I am dying." + +The hostess, alarmed, hastened to comply; but before she returned to the +bedside, the sufferer was insensible,--nor did she again recover speech +or motion. A low and rare moan only testified continued life, and within +two hours that ceased, and the spirit was gone. At that time our good +hostess was herself beyond the things of this outer world, having +supported her spirits during the vigils of the night with so many little +liquid stimulants that they finally sank into that torpor which generally +succeeds excitement. Taking, perhaps, advantage of the opportunity which +the insensibility of the hostess afforded him, Dummie, by the expiring +ray of the candle that burned in the death-chamber, hastily opened a huge +box (which was generally concealed under the bed, and contained the +wardrobe of the deceased), and turned with irreverent hand over the +linens and the silks, until quite at the bottom of the trunk he +discovered some packets of letters; these he seized, and buried in the +conveniences of his dress. He then, rising and replacing the box, cast a +longing eye towards the watch on the toilet-table, which was of gold; but +he withdrew his gaze, and with a querulous sigh observed to himself: "The +old blowen kens of that, 'od rat her! but, howsomever, I'll take this: +who knows but it may be of sarvice. Tannies to-day may be smash +to-morrow!" [Meaning, what is of no value now may be precious hereafter.] +and he laid his coarse hand on the golden and silky tresses we have +described. "'T is a rum business, and puzzles I; but mum's the word for +my own little colquarren [neck]." + +With this brief soliloquy Dummie descended the stairs and let himself out +of the house. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + Imagination fondly stoops to trace + The parlor splendours of that festive place. + _Deserted Village._ + +There is little to interest in a narrative of early childhood, unless, +indeed, one were writing on education. We shall not, therefore, linger +over the infancy of the motherless boy left to the protection of Mrs. +Margery Lobkins, or, as she was sometimes familiarly called, Peggy, or +Piggy, Lob. The good dame, drawing a more than sufficient income from +the profits of a house which, if situated in an obscure locality, enjoyed +very general and lucrative repute, and being a lone widow without kith or +kin, had no temptation to break her word to the deceased, and she +suffered the orphan to wax in strength and understanding until the age of +twelve,--a period at which we are now about to reintroduce him to our +readers. + +The boy evinced great hardihood of temper, and no inconsiderable +quickness of intellect. In whatever he attempted, his success was rapid, +and a remarkable strength of limb and muscle seconded well the dictates +of an ambition turned, it must be confessed, rather to physical than +mental exertion. It is not to be supposed, however, that his boyish life +passed in unbroken tranquillity. Although Mrs. Lobkins was a good woman +on the whole, and greatly attached to her _protegee_, she was violent and +rude in temper, or, as she herself more flatteringly expressed it, "her +feelings were unkimmonly strong;" and alternate quarrel and +reconciliation constituted the chief occupations of the _protegee's_ +domestic life. As, previous to his becoming the ward of Mrs. Lobkins, he +had never received any other appellation than "the child," so the duty of +christening him devolved upon our hostess of the Mug; and after some +deliberation, she blessed him with the name of Paul. It was a name of +happy omen, for it had belonged to Mrs. Lobkins's grandfather, who had +been three times transported and twice hanged (at the first occurrence of +the latter description, he had been restored by the surgeons, much to the +chagrin of a young anatomist who was to have had the honour of cutting +him up). The boy did not seem likely to merit the distinguished +appellation he bore, for he testified no remarkable predisposition to the +property of other people. Nay, although he sometimes emptied the pockets +of any stray visitor to the coffee-room of Mrs. Lobkins, it appeared an +act originating rather in a love of the frolic than a desire of the +profit; for after the plundered person had been sufficiently tormented by +the loss, haply, of such utilities as a tobacco-box or a handkerchief; +after he had, to the secret delight of Paul, searched every corner of the +apartment, stamped, and fretted, and exposed himself by his petulance to +the bitter objurgation of Mrs. Lobkins, our young friend would quietly +and suddenly contrive that the article missed should return of its own +accord to the pocket from which it had disappeared. And thus, as our +readers have doubtless experienced when they have disturbed the peace of +a whole household for the loss of some portable treasure which they +themselves are afterwards discovered to have mislaid, the unfortunate +victim of Paul's honest ingenuity, exposed to the collected indignation +of the spectators, and sinking from the accuser into the convicted, +secretly cursed the unhappy lot which not only vexed him with the loss of +his property, but made it still more annoying to recover it. + +Whether it was that, on discovering these pranks, Mrs. Lobkins trembled +for the future bias of the address they displayed, or whether she thought +that the folly of thieving without gain required speedy and permanent +correction, we cannot decide; but the good lady became at last extremely +anxious to secure for Paul the blessings of a liberal education. The key +of knowledge (the art of reading) she had, indeed, two years prior to the +present date, obtained for him; but this far from satisfied her +conscience,--nay, she felt that if she could not also obtain for him the +discretion to use it, it would have been wise even to have withheld a key +which the boy seemed perversely to apply to all locks but the right one. +In a word, she was desirous that he should receive an education far +superior to those whom he saw around him; and attributing, like most +ignorant persons, too great advantages to learning, she conceived that in +order to live as decorously as the parson of the parish, it was only +necessary to know as much Latin. + +One evening in particular, as the dame sat by her cheerful fire, this +source of anxiety was unusually active in her mind, and ever and anon she +directed unquiet and restless glances towards Paul, who sat on a form at +the opposite corner of the hearth, diligently employed in reading the +life and adventures of the celebrated Richard Turpin. The form on which +the boy sat was worn to a glassy smoothness, save only in certain places, +where some ingenious idler or another had amused himself by carving +sundry names, epithets, and epigrammatic niceties of language. It is +said that the organ of carving upon wood is prominently developed on all +English skulls; and the sagacious Mr. Combe has placed this organ at the +back of the head, in juxtaposition to that of destructiveness, which is +equally large among our countrymen, as is notably evinced upon all +railings, seats, temples, and other things-belonging to other people. + +Opposite to the fireplace was a large deal table, at which Dummie, +surnamed Dunnaker, seated near the dame, was quietly ruminating over a +glass of hollands and water. Farther on, at another table in the corner +of the room, a gentleman with a red wig, very rusty garments, and linen +which seemed as if it had been boiled in saffron, smoked his pipe, apart, +silent, and apparently plunged in meditation. This gentleman was no +other than Mr. Peter MacGrawler, the editor of a magnificent periodical +entitled "The Asiaeum," which was written to prove that whatever is +popular is necessarily bad,--a valuable and recondite truth, which "The +Asinaeum" had satisfactorily demonstrated by ruining three printers and +demolishing a publisher. We need not add that Mr. MacGrawler was Scotch +by birth, since we believe it is pretty well known that _all_ periodicals +of this country have, from time immemorial, been monopolized by the +gentlemen of the Land of Cakes. We know not how it may be the fashion to +eat the said cakes in Scotland, but _here_ the good emigrators seem to +like them carefully buttered on both sides. By the side of the editor +stood a large pewter tankard; above him hung an engraving of the +"wonderfully fat boar formerly in the possession of Mr. Fattem, grazier." +To his left rose the dingy form of a thin, upright clock in an oaken +case; beyond the clock, a spit and a musket were fastened in parallels to +the wall. Below those twin emblems of war and cookery were four shelves, +containing plates of pewter and delf, and terminating, centaur-like, in a +sort of dresser. At the other side of these domestic conveniences was a +picture of Mrs. Lobkins, in a scarlet body and a hat and plume. At the +back of the fair hostess stretched the blanket we have before mentioned. +As a relief to the monotonous surface of this simple screen, various +ballads and learned legends were pinned to the blanket. There might you +read in verses, pathetic and unadorned, how-- + +"Sally loved a sailor lad +As fought with famous Shovel!" + +There might you learn, if of two facts so instructive you were before +unconscious, that + +"Ben the toper loved his bottle,-- +Charley only loved the lasses!" + +When of these and various other poetical effusions you were somewhat +wearied, the literary fragments in bumbler prose afforded you equal +edification and delight. There might you fully enlighten yourself as to +the "Strange and Wonderful News from Kensington, being a most full and +true Relation how a Maid there is supposed to have been carried away by +an Evil Spirit on Wednesday, 15th of April last, about Midnight." There, +too, no less interesting and no less veracious, was that uncommon +anecdote touching the chief of many-throned powers entitled "The Divell +of Mascon; or, the true Relation of the Chief Things which an Unclean +Spirit did and said at Mascon, in Burgundy, in the house of one Mr. +Francis Pereaud: now made English by one that hath a Particular Knowledge +of the Truth of the Story." + +Nor were these materials for Satanic history the only prosaic and +faithful chronicles which the bibliothecal blanket afforded. Equally +wonderful, and equally indisputable, was the account of "a young lady, +the daughter of a duke, with three legs and the face of a porcupine." +Nor less so "The Awful Judgment of God upon Swearers, as exemplified in +the case of John Stiles, who Dropped down dead after swearing a Great +Oath; and on stripping the unhappy man they found 'Swear not at all' +written on the tail of his shirt!" + +Twice had Mrs. Lobkins heaved a long sigh, as her eyes turned from Paul +to the tranquil countenance of Dummie Dunnaker, and now, re-settling +herself in her chair, as a motherly anxiety gathered over her visage,-- + +"Paul, my ben cull," said she, "what gibberish hast got there?" + +"Turpin, _the great_ highwayman!" answered the young student, without +lifting his eyes from the page, through which he was spelling his +instructive way. + +"Oh! he be's a chip of the right block, dame!" said Mr. Dunnaker, as he +applied his pipe to an illumined piece of paper. "He'll ride a 'oss +foaled by a hacorn yet, I varrants!" + +To this prophecy the dame replied only with a look of indignation; and +rocking herself to and fro in her huge chair, she remained for some +moments in silent thought. At last she again wistfully eyed the hopeful +boy, and calling him to her side, communicated some order, in a dejected +whisper. Paul, on receiving it, disappeared behind the blanket, and +presently returned with a bottle and a wineglass. With an abstracted +gesture, and an air that betokened continued meditation, the good dame +took the inspiring cordial from the hand of her youthful cupbearer,-- + +"And ere a man had power to say 'Behold!' +The jaws of Lobkins had devoured it up: +So quick bright things come to confusion!" + +The nectarean beverage seemed to operate cheerily on the matron's system; +and placing her hand on the boy's curly head, she said (like Andromache, +_dakruon gelasasa_, or, as Scott hath it, "With a smile on her cheek, but +a tear in her eye"),-- + +"Paul, thy heart be good, thy heart be good; thou didst not spill a drop +of the tape! Tell me, my honey, why didst thou lick Tom Tobyson?" + +"Because," answered Paul, "he said as how you ought to have been hanged +long ago." + +"Tom Tobyson is a good-for-nought," returned the dame, "and deserves to +shove the tumbler [Be whipped at the cart's tail]; I but oh, my child, +be not too venturesome in taking up the sticks for a blowen,--it has +been the ruin of many a man afore you; and when two men goes to quarrel +for a 'oman, they doesn't know the natur' of the thing they quarrels +about. Mind thy latter end, Paul, and reverence the old, without axing +what they has been before they passed into the wale of years. Thou +mayst get me my pipe, Paul,--it is upstairs, under the pillow." + +While Paul was accomplishing this errand, the lady of the Mug, fixing her +eyes upon Mr. Dunnaker, said, "Dummie, Dummie, if little Paul should come +to be scragged!" + +"Whish!" muttered Dummie, glancing over his shoulder at MacGrawler; +"mayhap that gemman--" Here his voice became scarcely audible even to +Mrs. Lobkins; but his whisper seemed to imply an insinuation that the +illustrious editor of "The Asinaeum" might be either an informer, or one +of those heroes on whom an informer subsists. + +Mrs. Lobkins's answer, couched in the same key, appeared to satisfy +Dunnaker, for with a look of great contempt he chucked up his head and +said, "Oho! that be all, be it!" + +Paul here reappeared with the pipe; and the dame, having filled the tube, +leaned forward, and lighted the Virginian weed from the blower of Mr. +Dunnaker. As in this interesting occupation the heads of the hostess and +the guest approached each other, the glowing light playing cheerily on +the countenance of each, there was an honest simplicity in the picture +that would have merited the racy and vigorous genius of a Cruikshank. As +soon as the Promethean spark had been fully communicated to the lady's +tube, Mrs. Lobkins, still possessed by the gloomy idea she had conjured +up, repeated,-- + +"Ah, Dummie, if little Paul should be scragged!" + +Dummie, withdrawing the pipe from his mouth, heaved a sympathizing puff, +but remained silent; and Mrs. Lobkins, turning to Paul, who stood with +mouth open and ears erect at this boding ejaculation, said,-- + +"Dost think, Paul, they'd have the heart to hang thee?" + +"I think they'd have the rope, dame!" returned the youth. + +"But you need not go for to run your neck into the noose!" said the +matron; and then, inspired by the spirit of moralizing, she turned round +to the youth, and gazing upon his attentive countenance, accosted him +with the following admonitions:-- + +"Mind thy kittychism, child, and reverence old age. Never steal, +'specially when any one be in the way. Never go snacks with them as be +older than you,--'cause why? The older a cove be, the more he cares for +hisself, and the less for his partner. At twenty, we diddles the public; +at forty, we diddles our cronies! Be modest, Paul, and stick to your +sitivation in life. Go not with fine tobymen, who burn out like a candle +wot has a thief in it,--all flare, and gone in a whiffy! Leave liquor to +the aged, who can't do without it. Tape often proves a halter, and there +be's no ruin like blue ruin! Read your Bible, and talk like a pious 'un. +People goes more by your words than your actions. If you wants what is +not your own, try and do without it; and if you cannot do without it, +take it away by insinivation, not bluster. They as swindles does more +and risks less than they as robs; and if you cheats toppingly, you may +laugh at the topping cheat [Gallows]. And now go play." + +Paul seized his hat, but lingered; and the dame, guessing at the +signification of the pause, drew forth and placed in the boy's hand the +sum of five halfpence and one farthing. + +"There, boy," quoth she, and she stroked his head fondly when she spoke, +"you does right not to play for nothing,--it's loss of time; but play +with those as be less than yoursel', and then you can go for to beat 'em +if they says you go for to cheat!" + +Paul vanished; and the dame, laying her hand on Dummie's shoulder, said, +-- + +"There be nothing like a friend in need, Dummie; and somehow or other, I +thinks as how you knows more of the horigin of that 'ere lad than any of +us!" + +"Me, dame!" exclaimed Dummie, with a broad gaze of astonishment. + +"Ah, you! you knows as how the mother saw more of you just afore she died +than she did of 'ere one of us. Noar, now, noar, now! Tell us all about +'un. Did she steal 'un, think ye?" + +"Lauk, Mother Margery, dost think I knows? Vot put such a crotchet in +your 'ead?" + +"Well!" said the dame, with a disappointed sigh, "I always thought as how +you were more knowing about it than you owns. Dear, dear, I shall never +forgit the night when Judith brought the poor cretur here,--you knows she +had been some months in my house afore ever I see'd the urchin; and when +she brought it, she looked so pale and ghostly that I had not the heart +to say a word, so I stared at the brat, and it stretched out its wee +little hands to me. And the mother frowned at it, and throwed it into my +lap." + +"Ah! she was a hawful voman, that 'ere!" said Dummie, shaking his head. +"But howsomever, the hurchin fell into good 'ands; for I be's sure you +'as been a better mother to 'un than the raal 'un!" + +"I was always a fool about childer," rejoined Mrs. Lobkins; "and I thinks +as how little Paul was sent to be a comfort to my latter end! Fill the +glass, Dummie." + +"I 'as heard as 'ow Judith was once blowen to a great lord!" said Dummie. + +"Like enough!" returned Mrs. Lobkins,--"like enough! She was always a +favourite of mine, for she had a spuret [spirit] as big as my own; and +she paid her rint like a decent body, for all she was out of her sinses, +or 'nation like it." + +"Ay, I _knows_ as how you liked her,--'cause vy? 'T is not your vay to +let a room to a voman! You says as how 't is not respectable, and you +only likes men to wisit the Mug!" + +"And I doesn't like all of them as comes here!" answered the +dame,--"'specially for Paul's sake; but what can a lone 'oman do? Many's +the gentleman highwayman wot comes here, whose money is as good as the +clerk's of the parish. And when a bob [shilling] is in my hand, what does it +sinnify whose hand it was in afore?" + +"That's what I call being sinsible and _practical_," said Dummie, +approvingly. "And after all, though you 'as a mixture like, I does not +know a halehouse where a cove is better entertained, nor meets of a +Sunday more illegant company, than the Mug!" + +Here the conversation, which the reader must know had been sustained in a +key inaudible to a third person, received a check from Mr. Peter +MacGrawler, who, having finished his revery and his tankard, now rose to +depart. First, however, approaching Mrs. Lobkins, he observed that he +had gone on credit for some days, and demanded the amount of his bill. +Glancing towards certain chalk hieroglyphics inscribed on the wall at the +other side of the fireplace, the dame answered that Mr. MacGrawler was +indebted to her for the sum of one shilling and ninepence three +farthings. + +After a short preparatory search in his waistcoat pockets, the critic +hunted into one corner a solitary half-crown, and having caught it +between his finger and thumb, he gave it to Mrs. Lobkins and requested +change. + +As soon as the matron felt her hand anointed with what has been called by +some ingenious Johnson of St. Giles's "the oil of palms," her +countenance softened into a complacent smile; and when she gave the +required change to Mr. MacGrawler, she graciously hoped as how he would +recommend the Mug to the public. + +"That you may be sure of," said the editor of "The Asinaeum." "There is +not a place where I am so much at home." + +With that the learned Scotsman buttoned his coat and went his way. + +"How spiteful the world be!" said Mrs. Lobkins, after a pause, +"'specially if a 'oman keeps a fashionable sort of a public! When Judith +died, Joe, the dog's-meat man, said I war all the better for it, and that +she left I a treasure to bring up the urchin. One would think a thumper +makes a man richer,--'cause why? Every man _thumps!_ I got nothing +more than a watch and ten guineas when Judy died, and sure that scarce +paid for the burrel [burial]." + +"You forgits the two quids [Guineas] I giv' you for the hold box of rags,--much +of a treasure I found there!" said Dummie, with sycophantic archness. + +"Ay," cried the dame, laughing, "I fancies you war not pleased with the +bargain. I thought you war too old a ragmerchant to be so free with the +blunt; howsomever, I supposes it war the tinsel petticoat as took you +in!" + +"As it has mony a viser man than the like of I," rejoined Dummie, who to +his various secret professions added the ostensible one of a rag-merchant +and dealer in broken glass. + +The recollection of her good bargain in the box of rags opened our +landlady's heart. + +"Drink, Dummie," said she, good-humouredly,--"drink; I scorns to score +lush to a friend." + +Dummie expressed his gratitude, refilled his glass, and the hospitable +matron, knocking out from her pipe the dying ashes, thus proceeded: + +"You sees, Dummie, though I often beats the boy, I loves him as much as +if I war his raal mother,--I wants to make him an honour to his country, +and an ixciption to my family!" + +"Who all flashed their ivories at Surgeons' Hall!" added the metaphorical +Dummie. + +"True!" said the lady; "they died game, and I be n't ashamed of 'em. But +I owes a duty to Paul's mother, and I wants Paul to have a long life. I +would send him to school, but you knows as how the boys only corrupt one +another. And so, I should like to meet with some decent man, as a tutor, +to teach the lad Latin and vartue!" + +"My eyes!" cried Dummie; aghast at the grandeur of this desire. + +"The boy is 'cute enough, and he loves reading," continued the dame; but +I does not think the books he gets hold of will teach him the way to grow +old." + +"And 'ow came he to read, anyhows?" + +"Ranting Rob, the strolling player, taught him his letters, and said he'd +a deal of janius." + +"And why should not Ranting Rob tache the boy Latin and vartue?" + +"'Cause Ranting Rob, poor fellow, was lagged [Transported for +burglary] for doing a panny!" answered the dame, despondently. + +There was a long silence; it was broken by Mr. Dummie. Slapping his +thigh with the gesticulatory vehemence of a Ugo Foscolo, that gentleman +exclaimed,-- + +"I 'as it,--I 'as thought of a tutor for leetle Paul!" + +"Who's that? You quite frightens me; you 'as no marcy on my narves," +said the dame, fretfully. + +"Vy, it be the gemman vot writes," said Dummie, putting his finger to his +nose,--"the gemman vot paid you so flashly!" + +"What! the Scotch gemman?" + +"The werry same!" returned Dummie. + +The dame turned in her chair and refilled her pipe. It was evident from +her manner that Mr. Dunnaker's suggestion had made an impression on her. +But she recognized two doubts as to its feasibility: one, whether the +gentleman proposed would be adequate to the task; the other, whether he +would be willing to undertake it. + +In the midst of her meditations on this matter, the dame was interrupted +by the entrance of certain claimants on her hospitality; and Dummie soon +after taking his leave, the suspense of Mrs. Lobkins's mind touching the +education of little Paul remained the whole of that day and night utterly +unrelieved. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + I own that I am envious of the pleasure you will have in finding yourself + more learned than other boys,--even those who are older than yourself. + What honour this will do you! What distinctions, what applauses will + follow wherever you go! + --LORD CHESTERFIELD: Letters to his Son. + + Example, my boy,--example is worth a thousand precepts. + --MAXIMILIAN SOLEMN. + +Tarpeia was crushed beneath the weight of ornaments. The language of the +vulgar is a sort of Tarpeia. We have therefore relieved it of as many +gems as we were able, and in the foregoing scene presented it to the gaze +of our readers _simplex munditiis_. Nevertheless, we could timidly +imagine some gentler beings of the softer sex rather displeased with the +tone of the dialogue we have given, did we not recollect how delighted +they are with the provincial barbarities of the sister kingdom, whenever +they meet them poured over the pages of some Scottish story-teller. As, +unhappily for mankind, broad Scotch is not yet the universal language of +Europe, we suppose our countrywomen will not be much more unacquainted +with the dialect of their own lower orders than with that which breathes +nasal melodies over the paradise of the North. + +It was the next day, at the hour of twilight, when Mrs. Margery Lobkins, +after a satisfactory _tete-d-tete_ with Mr. MacGrawler, had the happiness +of thinking that she had provided a tutor for little Paul. The critic +having recited to her a considerable portion of _Propria qum Maribus_, +the good lady had no longer a doubt of his capacities for teaching; and +on the other hand, when Mrs. Lobkins entered on the subject of +remuneration, the Scotsman professed himself perfectly willing to teach +any and every thing that the most exacting guardian could require. It +was finally settled that Paul should attend Mr. MacGrawler two hours a +day; that Mr. MacGrawler should be entitled to such animal comforts of +meat and drink as the Mug afforded, and, moreover, to the weekly stipend +of two shillings and sixpence,--the shillings for instruction in the +classics, and the sixpence for all other humanities; or, as Mrs. Lobkins +expressed it, "two bobs for the Latin, and a site for the vartue." + +Let not thy mind, gentle reader, censure us for a deviation from +probability in making so excellent and learned a gentleman as Mr. Peter +MacGrawler the familiar guest of the lady of the Mug. First, thou must +know that our story is cast in a period antecedent to the present, and +one in which the old jokes against the circumstances of author and of +critic had their foundation in truth; secondly, thou must know that by +some curious concatenation of circumstances neither bailiff nor bailiff's +man was ever seen within the four walls continent of Mrs. Margery +Lobkins; thirdly, the Mug was nearer than any other house of public +resort to the abode of the critic; fourthly, it afforded excellent +porter; and fifthly, O reader, thou dost Mrs. Margery Lobkins a grievous +wrong if thou supposest that her door was only open to those mercurial +gentry who are afflicted with the morbid curiosity to pry into the +mysteries of their neighbours' pockets,--other visitors, of fair repute, +were not unoften partakers of the good matron's hospitality; although it +must be owned that they generally occupied the private room in preference +to the public one. And sixthly, sweet reader (we grieve to be so +prolix), we would just hint to thee that Mr. MacGrawler was one of those +vast-minded sages who, occupied in contemplating morals in the great +scale, do not fritter down their intellects by a base attention to minute +details. So that if a descendant of Langfanger did sometimes cross the +venerable Scot in his visit to the Mug, the apparition did not revolt +that benevolent moralist so much as, were it not for the above hint, thy +ignorance might lead thee to imagine. + +It is said that Athenodorus the Stoic contributed greatly by his +conversation to amend the faults of Augustus, and to effect the change +visible in that fortunate man after his accession to the Roman empire. +If this be true, it may throw a new light on the character of Augustus, +and instead of being the hypocrite, he was possibly the convert. Certain +it is that there are few vices which cannot be conquered by wisdom; and +yet, melancholy to relate, the instructions of Peter MacGrawler produced +but slender amelioration in the habits of the youthful Paul. That +ingenious stripling had, we have already seen, under the tuition of +Ranting Bob, mastered the art of reading,--nay, he could even construct +and link together certain curious pot-hooks, which himself and Mrs. +Lobkins were wont graciously to term "writing." So far, then, the way of +MacGrawler was smoothed and prepared. + +But, unhappily, all experienced teachers allow that the main difficulty +is not to learn, but to unlearn; and the mind of Paul was already +occupied by a vast number of heterogeneous miscellanies which stoutly +resisted the ingress either of Latin or of virtue. Nothing could wean +him from an ominous affection for the history of Richard Turpin; it was +to him what, it has been said, the Greek authors should be to the +Academician,--a study by day, and a dream by night. He was docile enough +during lessons, and sometimes even too quick in conception for the +stately march of Mr. MacGrawler's intellect. But it not unfrequently +happened that when that gentleman attempted to rise, he found himself, +like the Lady in "Comus," adhering to-- + + "A venomed seat Smeared with gums of glutinous heat;" + +or his legs had been secretly united under the table, and the tie was +not to be broken without overthrow to the superior powers. These, and +various other little sportive machinations wherewith Paul was wont to +relieve the monotony of literature, went far to disgust the learned +critic with his undertaking. But "the tape" and the treasury of Mrs. +Lobkins re-smoothed, as it were, the irritated bristles of his mind, and +he continued his labours with this philosophical reflection: "Why fret +myself? If a pupil turns out well, it is clearly to the credit of his +master; if not, to the disadvantage of himself." Of course, a similar +suggestion never forced itself into the mind of Dr. Keate [A celebrated +principal of Eton]. At Eton the very soul of the honest headmaster is +consumed by his zeal for the welfare of the little gentlemen in stiff +cravats. + +But to Paul, who was predestined to enjoy a certain quantum of knowledge, +circumstances happened, in the commencement of the second year of his +pupilage, which prodigiously accelerated the progress of his scholastic +career. + +At the apartment of MacGrawler, Paul one morning encountered Mr. Augustus +Tomlinson, a young man of great promise, who pursued the peaceful +occupation of chronicling in a leading newspaper "Horrid Murders," +"Enormous Melons," and "Remarkable Circumstances." This gentleman, +having the advantage of some years' seniority over Paul, was slow in +unbending his dignity; but observing at last the eager and respectful +attention with which the stripling listened to a most veracious detail of +five men being inhumanly murdered in Canterbury Cathedral by the Reverend +Zedekiah Fooks Barnacle, he was touched by the impression he had created, +and shaking Paul graciously by the hand, he told him there was a deal of +natural shrewdness in his countenance, and that Mr. Augustus Tomlinson +did not doubt but that he (Paul) might have the honour to be murdered +himself one of these days. "You understand me," continued Mr. +Augustus,--"I mean murdered in effigy,--assassinated in type,--while you +yourself, unconscious of the circumstance, are quietly enjoying what you +imagine to be your existence. We never kill common persons,--to say +truth, our chief spite is against the Church; we destroy bishops by +wholesale. Sometimes, indeed, we knock off a leading barrister or so, +and express the anguish of the junior counsel at a loss so destructive to +their interests. But that is only a stray hit, and the slain barrister +often lives to become Attorney-General, renounce Whig principles, and +prosecute the very Press that destroyed him. Bishops are our _proper_ +food; we send them to heaven on a sort of flying griffin, of which the +back is an apoplexy, and the wings are puffs. The Bishop of---, whom we +despatched in this manner the other day, being rather a facetious +personage, wrote to remonstrate with us thereon, observing that though +heaven was a very good translation for a bishop, yet that in such cases +he preferred 'the original to the translation.' As we murder bishop, so +is there another class of persons whom we only afflict with lethiferous +diseases. This latter tribe consists of his Majesty and his Majesty's +ministers. Whenever we cannot abuse their measures, we always fall foul +on their health. Does the king pass any popular law, we immediately +insinuate that his constitution is on its last legs. Does the minister +act like a man of sense, we instantly observe, with great regret, that +his complexion is remarkably pale. There is one manifest advantage in +_diseasinq_ people, instead of absolutely destroying them: the public may +flatly contradict us in one case, but it never can in the other; it is +easy to prove that a man is alive, but utterly impossible to prove that +he is in health. What if some opposing newspaper take up the cudgels in +his behalf, and assert that the victim of all Pandora's complaints, whom +we send tottering to the grave, passes one half the day in knocking up a +'distinguished company' at a shooting-party, and the other half in +outdoing the same 'distinguished company' after dinner? What if the +afflicted individual himself write us word that he never was better in +his life? We have only mysteriously to shake our heads and observe that +to contradict is not to prove, that it is little likely that our +authority should have been mistaken, and (we are very fond of an +historical comparison), beg our readers to remember that when Cardinal +Richelieu was dying, nothing enraged him so much as hinting that he was +ill. In short, if Horace is right, we are the very princes of poets; for +I dare say, Mr. MacGrawler, that you--and you, too, my little gentleman, +perfectly remember the words of the wise old Roman,-- + + "'Ille per extentum funem mihi posse videtur + Ire poeta, meum qui pectus inaniter angit, + Irritat, mulcet, falsis terroribus implet.'" + + ["He appears to me to be, to the fullest extent, a poet who + airily torments my breast, irritates, soothes, fills it with + unreal terrors."] + +Having uttered this quotation with considerable self-complacency, and +thereby entirely completed his conquest over Paul, Mr. Augustus +Tomlinson, turning to MacGrawler, concluded his business with that +gentleman,--which was of a literary nature, namely, a joint composition +against a man who, being under five-and-twenty, and too poor to give +dinners, had had the impudence to write a sacred poem. The critics were +exceedingly bitter at this; and having very little to say against the +poem, the Court journals called the author a "coxcomb," and the liberal +ones "the son of a pantaloon!" + +There was an ease, a spirit, a life about Mr. Augustus Tomlinson, which +captivated the senses of our young hero; then, too, he was exceedingly +smartly attired,--wore red heels and a bag,--had what seemed to Paul +quite the air of a "man of fashion;" and, above all, he spouted the +Latin with a remarkable grace! + +Some days afterwards, MacGrawler sent our hero to Mr. Tomlinson's +lodgings, with his share of the joint abuse upon the poet. + +Doubly was Paul's reverence for Mr. Augustus Tomlinson increased by a +sight of his abode. He found him settled in a polite part of the town, +in a very spruce parlour, the contents of which manifested the universal +genius of the inhabitant. It hath been objected unto us, by a most +discerning critic, that we are addicted to the drawing of "universal +geniuses." We plead Not Guilty in former instances; we allow the soft +impeachment in the instance of Mr. Augustus Tomlinson. Over his +fireplace were arranged boxing-gloves and fencing foils; on his table lay +a cremona and a flageolet. On one side of the wall were shelves +containing the Covent Garden Magazine, Burn's Justice, a pocket Horace, a +Prayer-Book, _Excerpta ex Tacito_, a volume of plays, Philosophy made +Easy, and a Key to all Knowledge. Furthermore, there were on another +table a riding-whip and a driving-whip and a pair of spurs, and three +guineas, with a little mountain of loose silver. Mr. Augustus was a +tall, fair young man, with a freckled complexion, green eyes and red +eyelids, a smiling mouth, rather under-jawed, a sharp nose, and a +prodigiously large pair of ears. He was robed in a green damask +dressing-gown; and he received the tender Paul most graciously. + +There was something very engaging about our hero. He was not only +good-looking, and frank in aspect, but he had that appearance of +briskness and intellect which belongs to an embryo rogue. Mr. Augustus +Tomlinson professed the greatest regard for him,--asked him if he could +box, made him put on a pair of gloves, and very condescendingly knocked +him down three times successively. Next he played him, both upon his +flageolet and his cremona, some of the most modish airs. Moreover, he +sang him a little song of his own composing. He then, taking up the +driving-whip, flanked a fly from the opposite wall, and throwing himself +(naturally fatigued with his numerous exertions) on his sofa, observed, +in a careless tone, that he and his friend Lord Dunshunner were +universally esteemed the best whips in the metropolis. "I," quoth Mr. +Augustus, "am the best on the road; but my lord is a devil at turning a +corner." + +Paul, who had hitherto lived too unsophisticated a life to be aware of +the importance of which a lord would naturally be in the eyes of Mr. +Augustus Tomlinson, was not so much struck with the grandeur of the +connection as the murderer of the journals had expected. He merely +observed, by way of compliment, that Mr. Augustus and his companion +seemed to be "rolling kiddies." + +A little displeased with this metaphorical remark,--for it may be +observed that "rolling kiddy" is, among the learned in such lore, the +customary expression for "a smart thief,"--the universal Augustus took +that liberty to which by his age and station, so much superior to those +of Paul, he imagined himself entitled, and gently reproved our hero for +his indiscriminate use of flash phrases. + +"A lad of your parts," said he,--"for I see you are clever, by your +eye,--ought to be ashamed of using such vulgar expressions. Have a +nobler spirit, a loftier emulation, Paul, than that which distinguishes +the little ragamuffins of the street. Know that in this country genius +and learning carry everything before them; and if you behave yourself +properly, you may, one day or another, be as high in the world as +myself." + +At this speech Paul looked wistfully round the spruce parlour, and +thought what a fine thing it would be to be lord of such a domain, +together with the appliances of flageolet and cremona, boxing-gloves, +books, fly-flanking flagellum, three guineas, with the little mountain of +silver, and the reputation--shared only with Lord Dunshunner--of being +the best whip in London. + +"Yes," continued Tomlinson, with conscious pride, "I owe my rise to +myself. Learning is better than house and land. 'Doctrina sed vim,' +etc. You know what old Horace says? Why, sir, you would not believe it; +but I was the man who killed his Majesty the King of Sardinia in our +yesterday's paper. Nothing is too arduous for genius. Fag hard, my boy, +and you may rival (for the thing, though difficult, may not be +impossible) Augustus Tomlinson!" + +At the conclusion of this harangue, a knock at the door being heard, Paul +took his departure, and met in the hall a fine-looking person dressed in +the height of the fashion, and wearing a pair of prodigiously large +buckles in his shoes. Paul looked, and his heart swelled. "I may +rival," thought he,--"those were his very words,--I may rival (for the +thing, though difficult, is not impossible) Augustus Tomlinson!" +Absorbed in meditation, he went silently home. The next day the memoirs +of the great Turpin were committed to the flames, and it was noticeable +that henceforth Paul observed a choicer propriety of words, that he +assumed a more refined air of dignity, and that he paid considerably more +attention than heretofore to the lessons of Mr. Peter MacGrawler. +Although it must be allowed that our young hero's progress in the learned +languages was not astonishing, yet an early passion for reading, growing +stronger and stronger by application, repaid him at last with a tolerable +knowledge of the mother-tongue. We must, however, add that his more +favourite and cherished studies were scarcely of that nature which a +prudent preceptor would have greatly commended. They lay chiefly among +novels, plays, and poetry,--which last he affected to that degree that he +became somewhat of a poet himself. Nevertheless these literary +avocations, profitless as they seemed, gave a certain refinement to his +tastes which they were not likely otherwise to have acquired at the Mug; +and while they aroused his ambition to see something of the gay life they +depicted, they imparted to his temper a tone of enterprise and of +thoughtless generosity which perhaps contributed greatly to counteract +those evil influences towards petty vice to which the examples around him +must have exposed his tender youth. But, alas! a great disappointment +to Paul's hope of assistance and companionship in his literary labours +befell him. Mr. Augustus Tomlinson, one bright morning, disappeared, +leaving word with his numerous friends that he was going to accept a +lucrative situation in the North of England. Notwithstanding the shock +this occasioned to the affectionate heart and aspiring temper of our +friend Paul, it abated not his ardour in that field of science which it +seemed that the distinguished absentee had so successfully cultivated. +By little and little, he possessed himself (in addition to the literary +stores we have alluded to) of all it was in the power of the wise and +profound Peter MacGrawler to impart unto him; and at the age of sixteen +he began (oh the presumption of youth!) to fancy himself more learned +than his master. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +He had now become a young man of extreme fashion, and as much _repandu_ +in society as the utmost and most exigent coveter of London celebrity +could desire. He was, of course, a member of the clubs, etc. He was, +in short, of that oft-described set before whom all minor beaux sink +into insignificance, or among whom they eventually obtain a subaltern +grade, by a sacrifice of a due portion of their fortune.--Almack's +Revisited. + +By the soul of the great Malebranche, who made "A Search after Truth," +and discovered everything beautiful except that which he searched for, +--by the soul of the great Malebranche, whom Bishop Berkeley found +suffering under an inflammation in the lungs, and very obligingly +_talked to death_ (an instance of conversational powers worthy the +envious emulation of all great metaphysicians and arguers),--by the soul +of that illustrious man, it is amazing to us what a number of truths +there are broken up into little fragments, and scattered here and there +through the world. What a magnificent museum a man might make of the +precious minerals, if he would but go out with his basket under his arm, +and his eyes about him! We ourselves picked up this very day a certain +small piece of truth, with which we propose to explain to thee, fair +reader, a sinister turn in the fortunes of Paul. + +"Wherever," says a living sage, "you see dignity, you may be sure there +is expense requisite to support it." So was it with Paul. A young +gentleman who was heir-presumptive to the Mug, and who enjoyed a handsome +person with a cultivated mind, was necessarily of a certain station of +society, and an object of respect in the eyes of the manoeuvring mammas +of the vicinity of Thames Court. Many were the parties of pleasure to +Deptford and Greenwich which Paul found himself compelled to attend; and +we need not refer our readers to novels upon fashionable life to inform +them that in good society the _gentlemen always pay for the ladies!_ Nor +was this all the expense to which his expectations exposed him. A +gentleman could scarcely attend these elegant festivities without +devoting some little attention to his dress; and a fashionable tailor +plays the deuce with one's yearly allowance. + +We who reside, be it known to you, reader, in Little Brittany are not +very well acquainted with the manners of the better classes in St. +James's. But there was one great vice among the fine people about Thames +Court which we make no doubt does not exist anywhere else,--namely, these +fine people were always in an agony to seem finer than they were; and the +more airs a gentleman or a lady gave him or her self, the more important +they became. Joe, the dog's-meat man, had indeed got into society +entirely from a knack of saying impertinent things to everybody; and the +smartest exclusives of the place, who seldom visited any one where there +was not a silver teapot, used to think Joe had a great deal in him +because he trundled his cart with his head in the air, and one day gave +the very beadle of the parish "the cut direct." + +Now this desire to be so exceedingly fine not only made the society about +Thames Court unpleasant, but expensive. Every one vied with his +neighbour; and as the spirit of rivalry is particularly strong in +youthful bosoms, we can scarcely wonder that it led Paul into many +extravagances. The evil of all circles that profess to be select is high +play; and the reason is obvious: persons who have the power to bestow on +another an advantage he covets would rather sell it than give it; and +Paul, gradually increasing in popularity and _ton_, found himself, in +spite of his classical education, no match for the finished, or, rather, +finishing gentlemen with whom he began to associate. His first +admittance into the select coterie of these men of the world was formed +at the house of Bachelor Bill, a person of great notoriety among that +portion of the _elite_ which emphatically entitles itself "Flash." +However, as it is our rigid intention in this work to portray _at length_ +no episodical characters whatsoever, we can afford our readers but a +slight and rapid sketch of Bachelor Bill. + +This personage was of Devonshire extraction. His mother had kept the +pleasantest public-house in town, and at her death Bill succeeded to her +property and popularity. All the young ladies in the neighbourhood of +Fiddler's Row, where he resided, set their caps at him: all the most +fashionable _prigs_, or _tobymen_, sought to get him into their set; and +the most crack _blowen_ in London would have given her ears at any time +for a loving word from Bachelor Bill. But Bill was a longheaded, +prudent fellow, and of a remarkably cautious temperament. He avoided +marriage and friendship; namely, he was neither plundered nor cornuted. +He was a tall, aristocratic _cove_, of a devilish neat address, and very +gallant, in an honest way, to the _blowens_. Like most single men, +being very much the gentleman so far as money was concerned, he gave +them plenty of "feeds," and from time to time a very agreeable _hop_. +His _bingo_ [Brandy] was unexceptionable; and as for his _stark-naked_ +[Gin], it was voted the most brilliant thing in nature. In a very short +time, by his blows-out and his bachelorship,--for single men always +arrive at the apex of _haut ton_ more easily than married,--he became +the very glass of fashion; and many were the tight apprentices, even at +the west end of the town, who used to turn back in admiration of +Bachelor Bill, when of a Sunday afternoon he drove down his varment gig +to his snug little box on the borders of Turnham Green. Bill's +happiness was not, however, wholly without alloy. The ladies of +pleasure are always so excessively angry when a man does not make love +to them, that there is nothing they will not say against him; and the +fair matrons in the vicinity of Fiddler's Row spread all manner of +unfounded reports against poor Bachelor Bill. By degrees, however,--for, +as Tacitus has said, doubtless with a prophetic eye to Bachelor Bill, +"the truth gains by delay,"--these reports began to die insensibly away; +and Bill now waxing near to the confines of middle age, his friends +comfortably settled for him that he would be Bachelor Bill all his life. +For the rest, he was an excellent fellow,--gave his broken victuals to +the poor, professed a liberal turn of thinking, and in all the quarrels +among the blowens (your crack blowens are a quarrelsome set!) always +took part with the weakest. Although Bill affected to be very select in +his company, he was never forgetful of his old friends; and Mrs. Margery +Lobkins having been very good to him when he was a little boy in a +skeleton jacket, he invariably sent her a card to his _soirees_. The +good lady, however, had not of late years deserted her chimney-corner. +Indeed, the racket of fashionable life was too much for her nerves; and +the invitation had become a customary form not expected to be acted +upon, but not a whit the less regularly used for that reason. As Paul +had now attained his sixteenth year, and was a fine, handsome lad, the +dame thought he would make an excellent representative of the Mug's +mistress; and that, for her _protege_, a ball at Bill's house would be +no bad commencement of "Life in London." Accordingly, she intimated to +the Bachelor a wish to that effect; and Paul received the following +invitation from Bill:-- + +"Mr. William Duke gives a hop and feed in a quiet way on Monday next, and +_hops_ Mr. Paul Lobkins will be of the party. N. B. Gentlemen is +expected to come in pumps." + +When Paul entered, he found Bachelor Bill leading off the ball to the +tune of "Drops of Brandy," with a young lady to whom, because she had +been a strolling player, the Ladies Patronesses of Fiddler's Row had +thought proper to behave with a very cavalier civility. The good +Bachelor had no notion, as be expressed it, of such tantrums, and he +caused it to be circulated among the finest of the _blowens_, that he +expected all who kicked their heels at his house would behave decent and +polite to young Mrs. Dot. This intimation, conveyed to the ladies with +all that insinuating polish for which Bachelor Bill was so remarkable, +produced a notable effect; and Mrs. Dot, being now led off by the flash +Bachelor, was overpowered with civilities the rest of the evening. + +When the dance was ended, Bill very politely shook hands with Paul, and +took an early opportunity of introducing him to some of the most "noted +characters" of the town. Among these were the smart Mr. Allfair, the +insinuating Henry Finish, the merry Jack Hookey, the knowing Charles +Trywit, and various others equally noted for their skill in living +handsomely upon their own brains, and the personals of other people. To +say truth, Paul, who at that time was an honest lad, was less charmed +than he had anticipated by the conversation of these chevaliers of +industry. He was more pleased with the clever though self-sufficient +remarks of a gentleman with a remarkably fine head of hair, and whom we +would more impressively than the rest introduce to our reader under the +appellation of Mr. Edward Pepper, generally termed Long Ned. As this +worthy was destined afterwards to be an intimate associate of Paul, our +main reason for attending the hop at Bachelor Bill's is to note, as the +importance of the event deserves, the epoch of the commencement of their +acquaintance. + +Long Ned and, Paul happened to sit next to each other at supper, and they +conversed together so amicably that Paul, in the hospitality of his +heart, expressed a hope that he should see Mr. Pepper at the Mug! + +"Mug,--Mug!" repeated Pepper, half shutting his eyes, with the air of a +dandy about to be impertinent; "ah, the name of a chapel, is it not? +There's a sect called Muggletonians, I think?" + +"As to that," said Paul, colouring at this insinuation against the Mug, +"Mrs. Lobkins has no more religion than her betters; but the Mug is a +very excellent house, and frequented by the best possible company." + +"Don't doubt it!" said Ned. "Remember now that I was once there, and saw +one Dummie Dunnaker,--is not that the name? I recollect some years ago, +when I first came out, that Dummie and I had an adventure together; to +tell you the truth, it was not the sort of thing I would do now. +But--would you believe it, Mr. Paul?--this pitiful fellow was quite rude +to me the only time I ever met him since; that is to say, the only time I +ever entered the Mug. I have no notion of such airs in a merchant,--a +merchant of rags! Those commercial fellows are getting quite +insufferable." + +"You surprise me," said Paul. "Poor Dummie is the last man to be rude; +he is as civil a creature as ever lived." + +"Or sold a rag," said Ned. "Possibly! Don't doubt his amiable qualities +in the least. Pass the bingo, my good fellow. Stupid stuff, this +dancing!" + +"Devilish stupid!" echoed Harry Finish, across the table. "Suppose we +adjourn to Fish Lane, and rattle the ivories! What say you, Mr. +Lobkins?" + +Afraid of the "ton's stern laugh, which scarce the proud philosopher can +scorn," and not being very partial to dancing, Paul assented to the +proposition; and a little party, consisting of Harry Finish, Allfair, +Long Ned, and Mr. Hookey, adjourned to Fish Lane, where there was a club, +celebrated among men who live by their wits, at which "lush" and "baccy" +were gratuitously sported in the most magnificent manner. Here the +evening passed away very delightfully, and Paul went home without a +"brad" in his pocket. + +From that time Paul's visits to Fish Lane became unfortunately regular; +and in a very short period, we grieve to say, Paul became that +distinguished character, a gentleman of three outs,--"out of pocket, out +of elbows, and out of credit." The only two persons whom he found +willing _to accommodate him with a slight loan_, as the advertisements +signed X. Y. have it, were Mr. Dummie Dunnaker and Mr. Pepper, surnamed +the Long. The latter, however, while he obliged the heir to the Mug, +never condescended to enter that noted place of resort; and the former, +whenever he good-naturedly opened his purse-strings, did it with a hearty +caution to shun the acquaintance of Long Ned,--"a parson," said Dummie, +"of wery dangerous morals, and not by no manner of means a fit 'sociate +for a young gemman of cracter like leetle Paul!" So earnest was this +caution, and so especially pointed at Long Ned,--although the company of +Mr. Allfair or Mr. Finish might be said to be no less prejudicial,--that +it is probable that stately fastidiousness of manner which Lord Normanby +rightly observes, in one of his excellent novels, makes so many enemies +in the world, and which sometimes characterized the behaviour of Long +Ned, especially towards the men of commerce, was a main reason why Dummie +was so acutely and peculiarly alive to the immoralities of that lengthy +gentleman. At the same time we must observe that when Paul, remembering +what Pepper had said respecting his early adventure with Mr. Dunnaker, +repeated it to the merchant, Dummie could not conceal a certain +confusion, though he merely remarked, with a sort of laugh, that it was +not worth speaking about; and it appeared evident to Paul that something +unpleasant to the man of rags, which was not shared by the unconscious +Pepper, lurked in the reminiscence of their past acquaintance. How beit, +the circumstance glided from Paul's attention the moment afterwards; and +he paid, we are concerned to say, equally little heed to the cautions +against Ned with which Dummie regaled him. + +Perhaps (for we must now direct a glance towards his domestic concerns) +one great cause which drove Paul to Fish Lane was the uncomfortable life +he led at home. For though Mrs. Lobkins was extremely fond of her +_protege_, yet she was possessed, as her customers emphatically remarked, +"of the devil's own temper;" and her native coarseness never having been +softened by those pictures of gay society which had, in many a novel and +comic farce, refined the temperament of the romantic Paul, her manner of +venting her maternal reproaches was certainly not a little revolting to a +lad of some delicacy of feeling. Indeed, it often occurred to him to +leave her house altogether, and seek his fortunes alone, after the manner +of the ingenious Gil Blas or the enterprising Roderick Random; and this +idea, though conquered and reconquered, gradually swelled and increased +at his heart, even as swelleth that hairy ball found in the stomach of +some suffering heifer after its decease. Among these projects of +enterprise the reader will hereafter notice that an early vision of the +Green Forest Cave, in which Turpin was accustomed, with a friend, a ham, +and a wife, to conceal himself, flitted across his mind. At this time he +did not, perhaps, incline to the mode of life practised by the hero of +the roads; but he certainly clung not the less fondly to the notion of +the cave. + +The melancholy flow of our hero's life was now, however, about to be +diverted by an unexpected turn, and the crude thoughts of boyhood to +burst, "like Ghilan's giant palm," into the fruit of a manly resolution. + +Among the prominent features of Mrs. Lobkins's mind was a sovereign +contempt for the unsuccessful. The imprudence and ill-luck of Paul +occasioned her as much scorn as compassion; and when for the third time +within a week he stood, with a rueful visage and with vacant pockets, by +the dame's great chair, requesting an additional supply, the tides of her +wrath swelled into overflow. + +"Look you, my kinchin cove," said she,--and in order to give peculiar +dignity to her aspect, she put on while she spoke a huge pair of tin +spectacles,--"if so be as how you goes for to think as how I shall go for +to supply your wicious necessities, you will find yourself planted in +Queer Street. Blow me tight, if I gives you another mag." + +"But I owe Long Ned a guinea," said Paul; "and Dummie Dunnaker lent me +three crowns. It ill becomes your heir apparent, my dear dame, to fight +shy of his debts of honour." + +"Taradididdle, don't think for to wheedle me with your debts and your +honour," said the dame, in a passion. "Long Ned is as long in the forks +[fingers] as he is in the back; may Old Harry fly off with him! And as +for Durnmie Dunnaker, I wonders how you, brought up such a swell, and +blest with the wery best of hedications, can think of putting up with +such wulgar 'sociates. I tells you what, Paul, you'll please to break +with them, smack and at once, or devil a brad you'll ever get from Peg +Lobkins." So saying, the old lady turned round in her chair, and helped +herself to a pipe of tobacco. + +Paul walked twice up and down the apartment, and at last stopped opposite +the dame's chair. He was a youth of high spirit; and though he was +warm-hearted, and had a love for Mrs. Lobkins, which her care and +affection for hire well deserved, yet he was rough in temper, and not +constantly smooth in speech. It is true that his heart smote him +afterwards, whenever he had said anything to annoy Mrs. Lobkins, and he +was always the first to seek a reconciliation; but warm words produce +cold respect, and sorrow for the past is not always efficacious in +amending the future. Paul then, puffed up with the vanity of his genteel +education, and the friendship of Long Ned (who went to Ranelagh, and wore +silver clocked stockings), stopped opposite to Mrs. Lobkins's chair, and +said with great solemnity,-- + +"Mr. Pepper, madam, says very properly that I must have money to support +myself like a gentleman; and as you won't give it me, I am determined, +with many thanks for your past favours, to throw myself on the world, and +seek my fortune." + +If Paul was of no oily and bland temper, Dame Margaret Lobkins, it has +been seen, had no advantage on that score. (We dare say the reader has +observed that nothing so enrages persons on whom one depends as any +expressed determination of seeking independence.) Gazing therefore for +one moment at the open but resolute countenance of Paul, while all the +blood of her veins seemed gathering in fire and scarlet to her enlarging +cheeks, Dame Lobkins said,-- + +"Ifeaks, Master Pride-in-duds! seek your fortune yourself, will you? +This comes of my bringing you up, and letting you eat the bread of +idleness and charity, you toad of a thousand! Take that and be d--d to +you!" and, suiting the action to the word, the tube which she had +withdrawn from her mouth in order to utter her gentle rebuke whizzed +through the air, grazed Paul's cheek, and finished its earthly career by +coming in violent contact with the right eye of Duinmie Dunnaker, who at +that exact moment entered the room. + +Paul had winced for a moment to avoid the missive; in the next he stood +perfectly upright. His cheeks glowed, his chest swelled; and the +entrance of Dummie Dunuaker, who was thus made the spectator of the +affront he had received, stirred his blood into a deeper anger and a more +bitter self-humiliation. All his former resolutions of departure, all +the hard words, the coarse allusions, the practical insults he had at any +time received, rushed upon him at once. He merely cast one look at the +old woman, whose rage was now half subsided, and turned slowly and in +silence to the door. + +There is often something alarming in an occurrence merely because it is +that which we least expect. The astute Mrs. Lobkins, remembering the +hardy temper and fiery passions of Paul, had expected some burst of rage, +some vehement reply; and when she caught with one wandering eye his +parting look, and saw him turn so passively and mutely to the door, her +heart misgave her, she raised herself from her chair, and made towards +him. Unhappily for her chance of reconciliation, she had that day +quaffed more copiously of the bowl than usual; and the signs of +intoxication visible in her uncertain gait, her meaningless eye, her +vacant leer, her ruby cheek, all inspired Paul with feelings which at the +moment converted resentment into something very much like aversion. He +sprang from her grasp to the threshold. + +"Where be you going, you imp of the world?" cried the dame. "Get in with +you, and say no more on the matter; be a bob-cull,--drop the bullies, and +you shall have the blunt!" + +But Paul heeded not this invitation. + +"I will eat the bread of idleness and charity no longer," said he, +sullenly. "Good-by; and if ever I can pay you what I have cost you, I +will." + +He turned away as he spoke; and the dame, kindling with resentment at his +unseemly return to her proffered kindness, hallooed after him, and bade +that dark-coloured gentleman who keeps the _fire-office_ below go along +with him. + +Swelling with anger, pride, shame, and a half-joyous feeling of +emancipated independence, Paul walked on, he knew not whither, with his +head in the air, and his legs marshalling themselves into a military gait +of defiance. He had not proceeded far before he heard his name uttered +behind him; he turned, and saw the rueful face of Dummie Dunnaker. + +Very inoffensively had that respectable person been employed during the +last part of the scene we have described in caressing his afflicted eye, +and muttering philosophical observations on the danger incurred by all +those who are acquainted with ladies of a choleric temperament; when Mrs. +Lobkins, turning round after Paul's departure, and seeing the pitiful +person of that Dummie Dunnaker, whose name she remembered Paul had +mentioned in his opening speech, and whom, therefore, with an illogical +confusion of ideas, she considered a party in the late dispute, exhausted +upon him all that rage which it was necessary for her comfort that she +should unburden somewhere. + +She seized the little man by the collar,--the tenderest of all places in +gentlemen similarly circumstanced with regard to the ways of life,--and +giving him a blow, which took effect on his other and hitherto undamaged +eye, cried out,-- + +"I'll teach you, you blood-sucker [that is, parasite], to sponge upon +those as has expectations! I'll teach you to cozen the heir of the Mug, +you snivelling, whey-faced ghost of a farthing rushlight! What! you'll +lend my Paul three crowns, will you, when you knows as how you told me +you could not pay me a pitiful tizzy? Oh, you're a queer one, I +warrants; but you won't queer Margery Lobkins. Out of my ken, you cur of +the mange!--out of my ken; and if ever I claps my sees on you again, or +if ever I knows as how you makes a flat of my Paul, blow me tight but +I'll weave you a hempen collar,--I'll hang you, you dog, I will. What! +you will answer me, will you? Oh, you viper, budge and begone!" + +It was in vain that Dummie protested his innocence. A violent +_coup-de-pied_ broke off all further parlance. He made a clear house of +the Mug; and the landlady thereof, tottering back to her elbow-chair, +sought out another pipe, and, like all imaginative persons when the world +goes wrong with them, consoled herself for the absence of realities by +the creations of smoke. + +Meanwhile Dummie Dunnaker, muttering and murmuring bitter fancies, +overtook Paul, and accused that youth of having been the occasion of the +injuries he had just undergone. Paul was not at that moment in the +humour best adapted for the patient bearing of accusations. He answered +Mr. Dunnaker very shortly; and that respectable individual, still +smarting under his bruises, replied with equal tartness. Words grew +high, and at length Paul, desirous of concluding the conference, clenched +his fist, and told the redoubted Dummie that he would "knock him down." +There is something peculiarly harsh and stunning in those three hard, +wiry, sturdy, stubborn monosyllables. Their very sound makes you double +your fist if you are a hero, or your pace if you are a peaceable man. +They produced an instant effect upon Dummie Dunnaker, aided as they were +by the effect of an athletic and youthful figure, already fast +approaching to the height of six feet, a flushed cheek, and an eye that +bespoke both passion and resolution. The rag-merchant's voice sank at +once, and with the countenance of a wronged Cassius he whimpered forth,-- + +"Knock me down? 0 leetle Paul, vot wicked vhids are those! Vot! Dummie +Dunnaker, as has dandled you on his knee mony's a time and oft! Vy, the +cove's 'art is as 'ard as junk, and as proud as a gardener's dog vith a +nosegay tied to his tail." This pathetic remonstrance softened Paul's +anger. + +"Well, Dummie," said he, laughing, "I did not mean to hurt you, and +there's an end of it; and I am very sorry for the dame's ill-conduct; and +so I wish you a good-morning." + +"Vy, vere be you trotting to, leetle Paul?" said Dummie, grasping him by +the tail of the coat. + +"The deuce a bit I know," answered our hero; "but I think I shall drop a +call on Long Ned." + +"Avast there!" said Dummie, speaking under his breath; "if so be as you +von't blab, I'll tell you a bit of a secret. I heered as 'ow Long Ned +started for Hampshire this werry morning on a toby [Highway expedition] +consarn!" + +"Ha!" said Paul, "then hang me if I know what to do!" + +As he uttered these words, a more thorough sense of his destitution (if +he persevered in leaving the Mug) than he had hitherto felt rushed upon +him; for Paul had designed for a while to throw himself on the +hospitality of his Patagonian friend, and now that he found that friend +was absent from London and on so dangerous an expedition, he was a little +puzzled what to do with that treasure of intellect and wisdom which he +carried about upon his legs. Already he had acquired sufficient +penetration (for Charles Trywit and Harry Finish were excellent masters +for initiating a man into the knowledge of the world) to perceive that a +person, however admirable may be his qualities, does not readily find a +welcome without a penny in his pocket. In the neighbourhood of Thames +Court he had, indeed, many acquaintances; but the fineness of his +language, acquired from his education, and the elegance of his air, in +which he attempted to blend in happy association the gallant effrontery +of Mr. Long Ned with the graceful negligence of Mr. Augustus Tomlinson, +had made him many enemies among those acquaintances; and he was not +willing--so great was our hero's pride--to throw himself on the chance of +their welcome, or to publish, as it were, his exiled and crestfallen +state. As for those boon companions who had assisted him in making a +wilderness of his pockets, he had already found that that was the only +species of assistance which they were willing to render him. In a word, +he could not for the life of him conjecture in what quarter he should +find the benefits of bed and board. While he stood with his finger to +his lip, undecided and musing, but fully resolved at least on one +thing,--not to return to the Mug,--little Dummie, who was a good-natured +fellow at the bottom, peered up in his face, and said,-- + +"Vy, Paul, my kid, you looks down in the chops; cheer up,--care killed a +cat!" + +Observing that this appropriate and encouraging fact of natural history +did not lessen the cloud upon Paul's brow, the acute Dummie Dunnaker +proceeded at once to the grand panacea for all evils, in his own profound +estimation. + +"Paul, my ben cull," said he, with a knowing wink, and nudging the young +gentleman in the left side, "vot do you say to a drop o' blue ruin? or, +as you likes to be conish [genteel], I does n't care if I sports you a +glass of port!" While Dunnaker was uttering this invitation, a sudden +reminiscence flashed across Paul: he bethought him at once of MacGrawler; +and he resolved forthwith to repair to the abode of that illustrious +sage, and petition at least for accommodation for the approaching night. +So soon as he had come to this determination, he shook off the grasp of +the amiable Dummie, and refusing with many thanks his hospitable +invitation, requested him to abstract from the dame's house, and lodge +within his own until called for, such articles of linen and clothing as +belonged to Paul and could easily be laid hold of, during one of the +matron's evening _siestas_, by the shrewd Dunnaker. The merchant +promised that the commission should be speedily executed; and Paul, +shaking hands with him, proceeded to the mansion of MacGrawler. + +We must now go back somewhat in the natural course of our narrative, and +observe that among the minor causes which had conspired with the great +one of gambling to bring our excellent Paul to his present situation, was +his intimacy with MacGrawler; for when Paul's increasing years and roving +habits had put an end to the sage's instructions, there was thereby +lopped off from the preceptor's finances the weekly sum of two shillings +and sixpence, as well as the freedom of the dame's cellar and larder; and +as, in the reaction of feeling, and the perverse course of human affairs, +people generally repent the most of those actions once the most ardently +incurred, so poor Mrs. Lobkins, imagining that Paul's irregularities were +entirely owing to the knowledge he had acquired from MacGrawler's +instructions, grievously upbraided herself for her former folly in +seeking for a superior education for her _protege_; nay, she even vented +upon the sacred head of MacGrawler himself her dissatisfaction at the +results of his instructions. In like manner, when a man who can spell +comes to be hanged, the anti-educationists accuse the spelling-book of +his murder. High words between the admirer of ignorant innocence and the +propagator of intellectual science ensued, which ended in MacGrawler's +final expulsion from the Mug. + +There are some young gentlemen of the present day addicted to the +adoption of Lord Byron's poetry, with the alteration of new rhymes, who +are pleased graciously to inform us that they are born to be the ruin of +all those who love them,--an interesting fact, doubtless, but which they +might as well keep to themselves. It would seem by the contents of this +chapter as if the same misfortune were destined to Paul. The exile of +MacGrawler, the insults offered to Dummie Dunnaker,--alike occasioned by +him,--appear to sanction that opinion. Unfortunately, though Paul was a +poet, he was not much of a sentimentalist; and he has never given us the +edifying ravings of his remorse on those subjects. But MacGrawler, like +Dunnaker, was resolved that our hero should perceive the curse of his +fatality; and as he still retained some influence over the mind of his +quondam pupil, his accusations against Paul, as the origin of his +banishment, were attended with a greater success than were the complaints +of Dummie Dunnaker on a similar calamity. Paul, who, like most people +who are good for nothing, had an excellent heart, was exceedingly grieved +at MacGrawler's banishment on his account; and he endeavoured to atone +for it by such pecuniary consolations as he was enabled to offer. These +MacGrawler (purely, we may suppose, from a benevolent desire to lessen +the boy's remorse) scrupled not to accept; and thus, so similar often are +the effects of virtue and of vice, the exemplary MacGrawler conspired +with the unprincipled Long Ned and the heartless Henry Finish in +producing that unenviable state of vacuity which now saddened over the +pockets of Paul. + +As our hero was slowly walking towards the sage's abode, depending on his +gratitude and friendship for a temporary shelter, one of those lightning +flashes of thought which often illumine the profoundest abyss of +affliction darted across his mind. Recalling the image of the critic, he +remembered that he had seen that ornament of "The Asinaeum" receive +sundry sums for his critical lucubrations. + +"Why," said Paul, seizing on that fact, and stopping short in the +street,--"why should I not turn critic myself?" + +The only person to whom one ever puts a question with a tolerable +certainty of receiving a satisfactory answer is one's self. The moment +Paul started this luminous suggestion, it appeared to him that he had +discovered the mines of Potosi. Burning with impatience to discuss with +the great MacGrawler the feasibility of his project, he quickened his +pace almost into a run, and in a very few minutes, having only overthrown +one chimney-sweeper and two apple-women by the way, he arrived at the +sage's door. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + Ye realms yet unrevealed to human sight, + Ye canes athwart the hapless hands that write, + Ye critic chiefs,-permit me to relate + The mystic wonders of your silent state! + + VIRGIL, _AEneid_, book vi. + +Fortune had smiled upon Mr. MacGrawler since he first undertook the +tuition of Mrs. Lobkins's _protege_. He now inhabited a second-floor, +and defied the sheriff and his evil spirits. It was at the dusk of +evening that Paul found him at home and alone. + +Before the mighty man stood a pot of London porter; a candle, with an +unregarded wick, shed its solitary light upon his labours; and an infant +cat played sportively at his learned feet, beguiling the weary moments +with the remnants of the spiral cap wherewith, instead of laurel, the +critic had hitherto nightly adorned his brows. + +So soon as MacGrawler, piercing through the gloomy mist which hung about +the chamber, perceived the person of the intruder, a frown settled upon +his brow. + +"Have I not told you, youngster," he growled, "never to enter a +gentleman's room without knocking? I tell you, sir, that manners are no +less essential to human happiness than virtue; wherefore, never disturb a +gentleman in his avocations, and sit yourself down without molesting the +cat!" + +Paul, who knew that his respected tutor disliked any one to trace the +source of the wonderful spirit which he infused into his critical +compositions, affected not to perceive the pewter Hippocrene, and with +many apologies for his want of preparatory politeness, seated himself as +directed. It was then that the following edifying conversation ensued. + +"The ancients," quoth Paul, "were very great men, Mr. MacGrawler." + +"They were so, sir," returned the critic; "we make it a rule in our +profession to assert that fact." + +"But, sir," said Paul, "they were wrong now and then." + +"Never, Ignoramus; never!" + +"They praised poverty, Mr. MacGrawler!" said Paul, with a sigh. + +"Hem!" quoth the critic, a little staggered; but presently recovering his +characteristic, acumen, he observed, "It is true, Paul; but that was the +poverty of other people." + +There was a slight pause. "Criticism," renewed Paul, "must be a most +difficult art." + +"A-hem! And what art is there, sir, that is not difficult,--at least, to +become master of?" + +"True," sighed Paul; "or else--" + +"Or else what, boy?" repeated Mr. MacGrawler, seeing that Paul hesitated, +either from fear of his superior knowledge, as the critic's vanity +suggested, or from (what was equally likely) want of a word to express +his meaning. + +"Why, I was thinking, sir," said Paul, with that desperate courage which +gives a distinct and loud intonation to the voice of all who set, or +think they set, their fate upon a cast,--"I was thinking that I should +like to become a critic myself!" + +"W-h-e-w!" whistled MacGrawler, elevating his eyebrows; "w-h-e-w! great +ends have come of less beginnings!" + +Encouraging as this assertion was, coming as it did from the lips of so +great a man and so great a critic, at the very moment too when nothing +short of an anathema against arrogance and presumption was expected to +issue from those portals of wisdom, yet such is the fallacy of all human +hopes, that Paul's of a surety would have been a little less elated, had +he, at the same time his ears drank in the balm of these gracious words, +been able to have dived into the source whence they emanated. + +"Know thyself!" was a precept the sage MacGrawler had endeavoured to +obey; consequently the result of his obedience was that even by himself +he was better known than trusted. Whatever he might appear to others, he +had in reality no vain faith in the infallibility of his own talents and +resources; as well might a butcher deem himself a perfect anatomist from +the frequent amputation of legs of mutton, as the critic of "The +Asinaeum" have laid "the flattering unction to his soul" that he was +really skilled in the art of criticism, or even acquainted with one of +its commonest rules, because he could with all speed cut up and disjoint +any work, from the smallest to the greatest, from the most superficial to +the most superior; and thus it was that he never had the want of candour +to deceive himself as to his own talents. Paul's wish therefore was no +sooner expressed than a vague but golden scheme of future profit +illumined the brain of MacGrawler,--in a word, he resolved that Paul +should henceforward share the labour of his critiques; and that he, +MacGrawler, should receive the whole profits in return for the honour +thereby conferred on his coadjutor. + +Looking therefore at our hero with a benignant air, Mr. MacGrawler thus +continued:-- + +"Yes, I repeat,--great ends have come from less beginnings! Rome was not +built in a day; and I, Paul, I myself was not always the editor of 'The +Asinaeum.' You say wisely, criticism is a great science, a very great +science; and it maybe divided into three branches,--namely, 'to tickle, +to slash, and to plaster.' In each of these three I believe without +vanity I am a profound adept! I will initiate you into all. Your +labours shall begin this very evening. I have three works on my table; +they must be despatched by tomorrow night. I will take the most arduous; +I abandon to you the others. The three consist of a Romance, an Epic in +twelve books, and an Inquiry into the Human Mind, in three volumes. I, +Paul, will tickle the Romance; you this very evening shall plaster the +Epic, and slash the Inquiry!" + +"Heavens, Mr. MacGrawler!" cried Paul, in consternation, "what do you +mean? I should never be able to read an epic in twelve books, and I +should fall asleep in the first page of the Inquiry. No, no, leave me +the Romance, and take the other two under your own protection!" + +Although great genius is always benevolent, Mr. MacGrawler could not +restrain a smile of ineffable contempt at the simplicity of his pupil. + +"Know, young gentleman," said he, solemnly, "that the Romance in question +must be tickled; it is not given to raw beginners to conquer that great +mystery of our science." + +"Before we proceed further, explain the words of the art," said Paul, +impatiently. + +"Listen, then," rejoined MacGrawler; and as he spoke, the candle cast an +awful glimmering on his countenance. "To slash is, speaking +grammatically, to employ the accusative, or accusing case; you must cut +up your book right and left, top and bottom, root and branch. To plaster +a book is to employ the dative, or giving case; and you must bestow on +the work all the superlatives in the language,--you must lay on your +praise thick and thin, and not leave a crevice untrowelled. But to +tickle, sir, is a comprehensive word, and it comprises all the infinite +varieties that fill the interval between slashing and plastering. This +is the nicety of the art, and you can only acquire it by practice; a few +examples will suffice to give you an idea of its delicacy. + +"We will begin with the encouraging tickle: 'Although this work is full +of faults,--though the characters are unnatural, the plot utterly +improbable, the thoughts hackneyed, and the style ungrammatical,--yet we +would by no means discourage the author from proceeding; and in the mean +while we confidently recommend his work to the attention of the reading +public." + +"Take, now, the advising tickle: 'There is a good deal of merit in these +little volumes, although we must regret the evident haste in which they +were written. The author might do better,--we recommend him a study of +the best writers;' then conclude by a Latin quotation, which you may take +from one of the mottoes in the 'Spectator.' + +"Now, young gentleman, for a specimen of the metaphorical tickle: 'We beg +this poetical aspirant to remember the fate of Pyrenaeus, who, attempting +to pursue the Muses, forgot that he had not the wings of the goddesses, +flung himself from the loftiest ascent he could reach, and perished.' + +"This you see, Paul, is a loftier and more erudite sort of tickle, and +may be reserved for one of the Quarterly Reviews. Never throw away a +simile unnecessarily. + +"Now for a sample of the facetious tickle: 'Mr.---has obtained a +considerable reputation! Some fine ladies think him a great philosopher, +and he has been praised in our hearing by some Cambridge Fellows for his +knowledge of fashionable society.' + +"For this sort of tickle we generally use the dullest of our tribe; and I +have selected the foregoing example from the criticisms of a +distinguished writer in 'The Asinaeum,' whom we call, _par excellence, +the_ Ass. + +"There is a variety of other tickles,--the familiar, the vulgar, the +polite, the good-natured, the bitter; but in general all tickles may be +supposed to signify, however disguised, one or other of these meanings: +'This book would be exceedingly good if it were not exceedingly bad;' or, +'this book would be exceedingly bad if it were not exceedingly good.' + +"You have now, Paul, a general idea of the superior art required by the +tickle?" + +Our hero signified his assent by a sort of hysterical sound between a +laugh and a groan. MacGrawler continued:-- + +"There is another grand difficulty attendant on this class of +criticism.--it is generally requisite to read a few pages of the work; +because we seldom tickle without extracting, and it requires some +judgment to make the context agree with the extract. But it is not often +necessary to extract when you slash or when you plaster; when you slash, +it is better in general to conclude with: 'After what we have said, it is +unnecessary to add that we cannot offend the taste of our readers by any +quotation from this execrable trash.' And when you plaster, you may wind +up with: 'We regret that our limits will not allow us to give any +extracts from this wonderful and unrivalled work. We must refer our +readers to the book itself.' + +"And now, sir, I think I have given you a sufficient outline of the noble +science of Scaliger and MacGrawler. Doubtless you are reconciled to the +task I have allotted you; and while I tickle the Romance, you will slash +the Inquiry and plaster the Epic!" + +"I will do my best, sir!" said Paul, with that modest yet noble +simplicity which becomes the virtuously ambitious; and MacGrawler +forthwith gave him pen and paper, and set him down to his undertaking. + +He had the good fortune to please MacGrawler, who, after having made a +few corrections in style, declared he evinced a peculiar genius in that +branch of composition. And then it was that Paul, made conceited by +praise, said, looking contemptuously in the face of his preceptor, and +swinging his legs to and fro,-- + +"And what, sir, shall I receive for the plastered Epic and the slashed +Inquiry?" + +As the face of the school-boy who, when guessing, as he thinks rightly, +at the meaning of some mysterious word in Cornelius Nepos, receiveth not +the sugared epithet of praise, but a sudden stroke across the _os +humerosve_ [Face or shoulders] even so, blank, puzzled, and thunder- +stricken, waxed the face of Mr. MacGrawler at the abrupt and astounding +audacity of Paul. + +"Receive!" he repeated,--"receive! Why, you impudent, ungrateful puppy, +would you steal the bread from your old master? If I can obtain for your +crude articles an admission into the illustrious pages of 'The Asinaeum,' +will you not be sufficiently paid, sir, by the honour? Answer me that. +Another man, young gentleman, would have charged you a premium for his +instructions; and here have I, in one lesson, imparted to you all the +mysteries of the science, and for nothing! And you talk to me of +'receive!--receive!' Young gentleman, in the words of the immortal bard, +'I would as lief you had talked to me of ratsbane!'" + +"In fine, then, Mr. MacGrawler, I shall get nothing for my trouble?" said +Paul. + +"To be sure not, sir; the very best writer in 'The Asinaeum' only gets +three shillings an article!" Almost more than he deserves, the critic +might have added; for he who writes for nobody should receive nothing! + +"Then, sir," quoth the mercenary Paul, profanely, and rising, he kicked +with one kick the cat, the Epic, and the Inquiry to the other end of the +room,--"then, sir, you may all go to the devil!" + +We do not, O gentle reader! seek to excuse this hasty anathema. The +habits of childhood will sometimes break forth despite of the after +blessings of education; and we set not up Paul for thine imitation as +that model of virtue and of wisdom which we design thee to discover in +MacGrawler. + +When that great critic perceived Paul had risen and was retreating in +high dudgeon towards the door, he rose also, and repeating Paul's last +words, said,-- + +"'Go to the devil!' Not so quick, young gentleman,--_festinca +lente_,--all in good time. What though I did, astonished at your +premature request, say that you should receive nothing; yet my great love +for you may induce me to bestir myself on your behalf. The 'Asinaeum,' I +it is true, only gives three shillings an article in general; but I am +its editor, and will intercede with the proprietors on your behalf. Yes, +yes; I will see what is to be done. Stop a bit, my boy." + +Paul, though very irascible, was easily pacified; he reseated himself, +and taking MacGrawler's hand, said,-- + +"Forgive me for my petulance, my dear sir; but, to tell you the honest +truth, I am very low in the world just at present, and must get money in +some way or another,--in short, I must either pick pockets or write (not +gratuitously) for 'The Asinaeum. '" + +And without further preliminary Paul related his present circumstances to +the critic, declared his determination not to return to the Mug, and +requested, at least, from the friendship of his old preceptor the +accommodation of shelter for that night. + +MacGrawler was exceedingly disconcerted at hearing so bad an account of +his pupil's finances as well as prospects, for he had secretly intended +to regale himself that evening with a bowl of punch, for which he +purposed that Paul should pay; but as he knew the quickness of parts +possessed by the young gentleman, as also the great affection entertained +for him by Mrs. Lobkins, who in all probability would solicit his return +the next day, he thought it not unlikely that Paul would enjoy the same +good fortune as that presiding over his feline companion, which, though +it had just been kicked to the other end of the apartment, was now +resuming its former occupation, unhurt, and no less merrily than before. +He therefore thought it would be imprudent to discard his quondam pupil, +despite of his present poverty; and, moreover, although the first happy +project of pocketing all the profits derivable from Paul's industry was +now abandoned, he still perceived great facility in pocketing a part of +the same receipts. He therefore answered Paul very warmly, that he fully +sympathized with him in his present melancholy situation; that, so far as +he was concerned, he would share his last shilling with his beloved +pupil, but that he regretted at that moment he had only eleven-pence +halfpenny in his pocket; that he would, however, exert himself to the +utmost in procuring an opening for Paul's literary genius; and that, if +Paul liked to take the slashing and plastering part of the business on +himself, he would willingly surrender it to him, and give him all the +profits whatever they might be. _En attendant_, he regretted that a +violent rheumatism prevented his giving up his own bed to his pupil, but +that he might, with all the pleasure imaginable, sleep upon the rug +before the fire. Paul was so affected by this kindness in the worthy +man, that, though not much addicted to the melting mood, he shed tears of +gratitude. He insisted, however, on not receiving the whole reward of +his labours; and at length it was settled, though with a noble reluctance +on the part of MacGrawler, that it should be equally shared between the +critic and the critic's _protege_,--the half profits being reasonably +awarded to MacGrawler for his instructions and his recommendation. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +Bad events peep out o' the tail of good purposes.--_Bartholomew Fair_. + +IT was not long before there was a visible improvement in the pages of +"The Asinaeum." The slashing part of that incomparable journal was +suddenly conceived and carried on with a vigour and spirit which +astonished the hallowed few who contributed to its circulation. It was +not difficult to see that a new soldier had been enlisted in the service; +there was something so fresh and hearty about the abuse that it could +never have proceeded from the worn-out acerbity of an old _slasher_. To +be sure, a little ignorance of ordinary facts, and an innovating method +of applying words to meanings which they never were meant to denote, were +now and then distinguishable in the criticisms of the new Achilles; +nevertheless, it was easy to attribute these peculiarities to an original +turn of thinking; and the rise of the paper on the appearance of a series +of articles upon contemporary authors, written by this "eminent hand," +was so remarkable that fifty copies--a number perfectly unprecedented in +the annals of "The Asinaeum"--were absolutely sold in one week; indeed, +remembering the principle on which it was founded, one sturdy old writer +declared that the journal would soon do for itself and become popular. +There was a remarkable peculiarity about the literary debutant who signed +himself "Nobilitas:" he not only put old words to a new sense, but he +used words which had never, among the general run of writers, been used +before. This was especially remarkable in the application of hard names +to authors. Once, in censuring a popular writer for pleasing the public +and thereby growing rich, the "eminent hand" ended with "He who +surreptitiously accumulates bustle [money] is, in fact, nothing better than a +buzz gloak!" [Pickpocket]. + +These enigmatical words and recondite phrases imparted a great air of +learning to the style of the new critic; and from the unintelligible +sublimity of his diction, it seemed doubtful whether he was a poet from +Highgate or a philosopher from Konigsberg. At all events, the reviewer +preserved his incognito, and while his praises were rung at no less than +three tea-tables, even glory appeared to him less delicious than +disguise. + +In this incognito, reader, thou hast already discovered Paul; and now we +have to delight thee with a piece of unexampled morality in the excellent +MacGrawler. That worthy Mentor, perceiving that there was an inherent +turn for dissipation and extravagance in our hero, resolved magnanimously +rather to bring upon himself the sins of treachery and malappropriation +than suffer his friend and former pupil to incur those of wastefulness +and profusion. Contrary therefore to the agreement made with Paul, +instead of giving that youth the half of those profits consequent on his +brilliant lucubrations, he imparted to him only one fourth, and, with the +utmost tenderness for Paul's salvation, applied the other three portions +of the same to his own necessities. The best actions are, alas! often +misconstrued in this world; and we are now about to record a remarkable +instance of that melancholy truth. + +One evening MacGrawler, having "moistened his virtue" in the same manner +that the great Cato is said to have done, in the confusion which such a +process sometimes occasions in the best regulated heads, gave Paul what +appeared to him the outline of a certain article which he wished to be +slashingly filled up, but what in reality was the following note from the +editor of a monthly periodical:-- + +SIR,--Understanding that my friend, Mr.---, proprietor of "The Asinaeum," +allows the very distinguished writer whom you have introduced to the +literary world, and who signs himself "Nobilitas," only five shillings an +article, I beg, through you, to tender him double that sum. The article +required will be of an ordinary length. + +I am, sir, etc., + +Now, that very morning, MacGrawler had informed Paul of this offer, +altering only, from the amiable motives we have already explained, the +sum of ten shillings to that of four; and no sooner did Paul read the +communication we have placed before the reader than, instead of gratitude +to MacGrawler for his consideration of Paul's moral infirmities, he +conceived against that gentleman the most bitter resentment. He did not, +however, vent his feelings at once upon the Scotsman,--indeed, at that +moment, as the sage was in a deep sleep under the table, it would have +been to no purpose had he unbridled his indignation,--but he resolved +without loss of time to quit the abode of the critic. "And, indeed," +said he, soliloquizing, "I am heartily tired of this life, and shall be +very glad to seek some other employment. Fortunately, I have hoarded up +five guineas and four shillings; and with that independence in my +possession, since I have forsworn gambling, I cannot easily starve." + +To this soliloquy succeeded a misanthropical revery upon the +faithlessness of friends; and the meditation ended in Paul's making up a +little bundle of such clothes, etc., as Dummie had succeeded in removing +from the Mug, and which Paul had taken from the rag-merchant's abode one +morning when Dummie was abroad. + +When this easy task was concluded, Paul wrote a short and upbraiding note +to his illustrious preceptor, and left it unsealed on the table. He +then, upsetting the ink-bottle on MacGrawler's sleeping countenance, +departed from the house, and strolled away he cared not whither. + +The evening was gradually closing as Paul, chewing the cud of his bitter +fancies, found himself on London Bridge. He paused there, and leaning +over the bridge, gazed wistfully on the gloomy waters that rolled onward, +caring not a minnow for the numerous charming young ladies who have +thought proper to drown themselves in those merciless waves, thereby +depriving many a good mistress of an excellent housemaid or an invaluable +cook, and many a treacherous Phaon of letters beginning with "Parjured +Villen," and ending with "Your affectionot but melancholy Molly." + +While thus musing, he was suddenly accosted by a gentleman in boots and +spurs, having a riding-whip in one hand, and the other hand stuck in the +pocket of his inexpressibles. The hat of the gallant was gracefully and +carefully put on, so as to derange as little as possible a profusion of +dark curls, which, streaming with unguents, fell low not only on either +side of the face, but on the neck and even the shoulders of the owner. +The face was saturnine and strongly marked, but handsome and striking. +There was a mixture of frippery and sternness in its expression,-- +something between Madame Vestries and T. P. Cooke, or between "lovely +Sally" and a "Captain bold of Halifax." The stature of this personage +was remarkably tall, and his figure was stout, muscular, and well knit. +In fine, to complete his portrait, and give our readers of the present +day an exact idea of this hero of the past, we shall add that he was +altogether that sort of gentleman one sees swaggering in the Burlington +Arcade, with his hair and hat on one side, and a military cloak thrown +over his shoulders; or prowling in Regent Street, towards the evening, +_whiskered_ and _cigarred_. + +Laying his hand on the shoulder of our hero, this gentleman said, with an +affected intonation of voice,-- + +"How dost, my fine fellow? Long since I saw you! Damme, but you look +the worse for wear. What hast thou been doing with thyself?" + +"Ha!" cried our hero, returning the salutation of the stranger, "and is +it Long Ned whom I behold? I am indeed glad to meet you; and I say, my +friend, I hope what I heard of you is not true!" + +"Hist!" said Long Ned, looking round fearfully, and sinking his voice; +"never talk of what you hear of gentlemen, except you wish to bring them +to their last dying speech and confession. But come with me, my lad; +there is a tavern hard by, and we may as well discuss matters over a pint +of wine. You look cursed seedy, to be sure; but I can tell Bill the +waiter--famous fellow, that Bill!--that you are one of my tenants, come +to complain of my steward, who has just distrained you for rent, you dog! +No wonder you look so worn in the rigging. Come, follow me. I can't +walk _with_ thee. It would look too like Northumberland House and the +butcher's abode next door taking a stroll together." + +"Really, Mr. Pepper," said our hero, colouring, and by no means pleased +with the ingenious comparison of his friend, "if you are ashamed of my +clothes, which I own might be newer, I will not wound you with my--" + +"Pooh! my lad, pooh!" cried Long Ned, interrupting him; "never take +offence. _I_ never do. I never take anything but money, except, indeed, +watches. I don't mean to hurt your feelings; all of us have been poor +once. 'Gad, I remember when I had not a dud to my back; and now, you see +me,--you see me, Paul! But come, 't is only through the streets you need +separate from me. Keep a little behind, very little; that will do. Ay, +that will do," repeated Long Ned, mutteringly to himself; "they'll take +him for a bailiff. It looks handsome nowadays to be so attended; it +shows one _had_ credit _once!_" + +Meanwhile Paul, though by no means pleased with the contempt expressed +for his personal appearance by his lengthy associate, and impressed with +a keener sense than ever of the crimes of his coat and the vices of his +other garment,--"Oh, breathe not its name!"--followed doggedly and +sullenly the strutting steps of the coxcombical Mr. Pepper. That +personage arrived at last at a small tavern, and arresting a waiter who +was running across the passage into the coffee-room with a dish of +hung-beef, demanded (no doubt from a pleasing anticipation of a similar +pendulous catastrophe) a plate of the same excellent cheer, to be +carried, in company with a bottle of port, into a private apartment. No +sooner did he find himself alone with Paul than, bursting into a loud +laugh, Mr. Ned surveyed his comrade from head to foot through an eyeglass +which he wore fastened to his button-hole by a piece of blue ribbon. + +"Well, 'gad now," said he, stopping ever and anon, as if to laugh the +more heartily, "stab my vitals, but you are a comical quiz. I wonder +what the women would say, if they saw the dashing Edward Pepper, Esquire, +walking arm in arm with thee at Ranelagh or Vauxhall! Nay, man, never be +downcast; if I laugh at thee, it is only to make thee look a little +merrier thyself. Why, thou lookest like a book of my grandfather's +called Burton's ''Anatomy of Melancholy;' and faith, a shabbier bound +copy of it I never saw." + +"These jests are a little hard," said Paul, struggling between anger and +an attempt to smile; and then recollecting his late literary occupations, +and the many extracts he had taken from "Gleanings of the Belles +Lettres," in order to impart elegance to his criticisms, he threw out his +hand theatrically, and spouted with a solemn face,-- + + "'Of all the griefs that harass the distrest, + Sure the most bitter is a scornful jest!'" + +"Well, now, prithee forgive me," said Long Ned, composing his features, +"and just tell me what you have been doing the last two months." + +"Slashing and plastering!" said Paul, with conscious pride. + +"Slashing and what? The boy's mad. What do you mean, Paul?" + +"In other words," said our hero, speaking very slowly, "know, O very Long +Ned! that I have been critic to 'The Asinaeum.'" + +If Paul's comrade laughed at first, he now laughed ten times more merrily +than ever. He threw his full length of limb upon a neighbouring sofa, +and literally rolled with cachinnatory convulsions; nor did his risible +emotions subside until the entrance of the hung-beef restored him to +recollection. Seeing, then, that a cloud lowered over Paul's +countenance, he went up to him with something like gravity, begged his +pardon for his want of politeness, and desired him to wash away all +unkindness in a bumper of port. Paul, whose excellent dispositions we +have before had occasion to remark, was not impervious to his friend's +apologies. He assured Long Ned that he quite forgave him for his +ridicule of the high situation he (Paul) had enjoyed in the literary +world; that it was the duty of a public censor to bear no malice, and +that he should be very glad to take his share in the interment of the +hung-beef. + +The pair now sat down to their repast; and Paul, who had fared but +meagerly in that Temple of Athena over which MacGrawler presided, did +ample justice to the viands before him. By degrees, as he ate and drank, +his heart opened to his companion; and laying aside that Asinaeum dignity +which he had at first thought it incumbent on him to assume, he +entertained Pepper with all the particulars of the life he had lately +passed. He narrated to him his breach with Dame Lobkins, his agreement +with MacGrawler, the glory he had acquired, and the wrongs he had +sustained; and he concluded, as now the second bottle made its +appearance, by stating his desire of exchanging for some more active +profession that sedentary career which he had so promisingly begun. + +This last part of Paul's confessions secretly delighted the soul of Long +Ned; for that experienced collector of the highways--Ned was, indeed, of +no less noble a profession--had long fixed an eye upon our hero, as one +whom he thought likely to be an honour to that enterprising calling which +he espoused, and an useful assistant to himself. He had not, in his +earlier acquaintance with Paul, when the youth was under the roof and the +_surveillance_ of the practised and wary Mrs. Lobkins, deemed it prudent +to expose the exact nature of his own pursuits, and had contented himself +by gradually ripening the mind and the finances of Paul into that state +when the proposition of a leap from a hedge would not be likely greatly +to revolt the person to whom it was made. He now thought that time near +at hand; and filling our hero's glass up to the brim, thus artfully +addressed him:-- + +"Courage, my friend! Your narration has given me a sensible pleasure; +for curse me if it has not strengthened my favourite opinion,--that +everything is for the best. If it had not been for the meanness of that +pitiful fellow, MacGrawler, you might still be inspired with the paltry +ambition of earning a few shillings a week and vilifying a parcel of poor +devils in the what-d'ye-call it, with a hard name; whereas now, my good +Paul, I trust I shall be able to open to your genius a new career, in +which guineas are had for the asking,--in which you may wear fine +clothes, and ogle the ladies at Ranelagh; and when you are tired of glory +and liberty, Paul, why, you have only to make your bow to an heiress, or +a widow with a spanking jointure, and quit the hum of men like a +Cincinnatus!" + +Though Paul's perception into the abstruser branches of morals was not +very acute,--and at that time the port wine had considerably confused the +few notions he possessed upon "the beauty of virtue,"--yet he could not +but perceive that Mr. Pepper's insinuated proposition was far from being +one which the bench of bishops or a synod of moralists would +conscientiously have approved. He consequently remained silent; and Long +Ned, after a pause, continued:-- + +"You know my genealogy, my good fellow? I was the son of Lawyer Pepper, +a shrewd old dog, but as hot as Calcutta; and the grandson of Sexton +Pepper, a great author, who wrote verses on tombstones, and kept a stall +of religious tracts in Carlisle. My grandfather, the sexton, was the +best temper of the family; for all of us are a little inclined to be hot +in the mouth. Well, my fine fellow, my father left me his blessing, and +this devilish good head of hair. I lived for some years on my own +resources. I found it a particularly inconvenient mode of life, and of +late I have taken to live on the public. My father and grandfather did +it before me, though in a different line. 'T is the pleasantest plan in +the world. Follow my example, and your coat shall be as spruce as my +own. Master Paul, your health!" + +"But, O longest of mortals!" said Paul, refilling his glass, "though the +public may allow you to eat your mutton off their backs for a short time, +they will kick up at last, and upset you and your banquet; in other words +(pardon my metaphor, dear Ned, in remembrance of the part I have lately +maintained in 'The Asinaeum,' that most magnificent and metaphorical of +journals!),--in other words, the police will nab thee at last; and thou +wilt have the distinguished fate, as thou already hast the distinguishing +characteristic, of Absalom!" + +"You mean that I shall be hanged," said Long Ned, "that may or may not +be; but he who fears death never enjoys life. Consider, Paul, that +though hanging is a bad fate, starving is a worse; wherefore fill your +glass, and let us drink to the health of that great donkey, the people, +and may we never want saddles to ride it!" + +"To the great donkey," cried Paul, tossing off his bumper; "may your +_(y)ears_ be as long! But I own to you, my friend, that I cannot enter +into your plans. And, as a token of my resolution, I shall drink no +more, for my eyes already begin to dance in the air; and if I listen +longer to your resistless eloquence, my feet may share the same fate!" + +So saying, Paul rose; nor could any entreaty, on the part of his +entertainer, persuade him to resume his seat. + +"Nay, as you will," said Pepper, affecting a nonchalant tone, and +arranging his cravat before the glass,--"nay, as you will. Ned Pepper +requires no man's companionship against his liking; and if the noble +spark of ambition be not in your bosom, 't is no use spending my breath +in blowing at what only existed in my too flattering opinion of your +qualities. So then, you propose to return to MacGrawler (the scurvy old +cheat!), and pass the inglorious remainder of your life in the mangling +of authors and the murder of grammar? Go, my good fellow, go! scribble +again and forever for MacGrawler, and let him live upon thy brains +instead of suffering thy brains to--" + +"Hold!" cried Paul. "Although I may have some scruples which prevent my +adoption of that rising line of life you have proposed to me, yet you are +very much mistaken if you imagine me so spiritless as any longer to +subject myself to the frauds of that rascal MacGrawler. No! My present +intention is to pay my old nurse a visit. It appears to me passing +strange that though I have left her so many weeks, she has never relented +enough to track me out, which one would think would have been no +difficult matter; and now, you see, that I am pretty well off, having +five guineas and four shillings all my own, and she can scarcely think I +want her money, my heart melts to her, and I shall go and ask pardon for +my haste!" + +"Pshaw! sentimental," cried Long Ned, a little alarmed at the thought of +Paul's gliding from those clutches which he thought had now so firmly +closed upon him. "Why, you surely don't mean, after having once tasted +the joys of independence, to go back to the boozing-ken, and bear all +Mother Lobkins's drunken tantrums! Better have stayed with MacGrawler, +of the two!" + +"You mistake me," answered Paul; "I mean solely to make it up with her, +and get her permission to see the world. My ultimate intention is--to +travel." + +"Right," cried Ned, "on the high-road,--and on horseback, I hope." + +"No, my Colossus of Roads! no. I am in doubt whether or not I shall +enlist in a marching regiment, or--Give me your advice on it! I fancy I +have a great turn for the stage, ever since I saw Garrick in 'Richard.' +Shall I turn stroller? It must be a merry life." + +"Oh, the devil!" cried Ned. "I myself once did Cassio in a barn, and +every one swore I enacted the drunken scene to perfection; but you have +no notion what a lamentable life it is to a man of any susceptibility. +No, my friend, no! There is only one line in all the old plays worthy +thy attention,-- + +"'Toby [The highway] or not toby, that is the question.' + +"I forget the rest!" + +"Well," said our hero, answering in the same jocular vein, "I confess I +have 'the actor's high ambition.' It is astonishing how my heart beat +when Richard cried out, 'Come bustle, bustle!' Yes, Pepper, avaunt!- + +"'A thousand hearts are great within my bosom.'" + +"Well, well," said Long Ned, stretching himself, "since you are so fond +of the play, what say you to an excursion thither to-night? Garrick +acts." + +"Done!" cried Paul. + +"Done!" echoed lazily Long Ned, rising with that _blase_ air which +distinguishes the matured man of the world from the enthusiastic +tyro,-"done! and we will adjourn afterwards to the White Horse." + +"But stay a moment," said Paul; "if you remember, I owed you a guinea +when I last saw you,--here it is!" + +"Nonsense," exclaimed Long Ned, refusing the money,--"nonsense! You want +the money at present; pay me when you are richer. Nay, never be coy +about it; debts of honour are not paid now as they used to be. We lads +of the Fish Lane Club have changed all that. Well, well, if I must!" + +And Long Ned, seeing that Paul insisted, pocketed the guinea. When this +delicate matter had been arranged,--"Come," said Pepper, "come, get your +hat; but, bless me! I have forgotten one thing." + +"What?" + +"Why, my fine Paul, consider. The play is a bang-up sort of a place; +look at your coat and your waistcoat, that's all!" + +Our hero was struck dumb with this _arqumentum ad hominem_. But Long +Ned, after enjoying his perplexity, relieved him of it by telling him +that he knew of an honest tradesman who kept a ready-made shop just by +the theatre, and who could fit him out in a moment. + +In fact, Long Ned was as good as his word; he carried Paul to a tailor, +who gave him for the sum of thirty shillings--half ready money, half on +credit-a green coat with a tarnished gold lace, a pair of red +inexpressibles, and a pepper-and-salt waistcoat. It is true, they were +somewhat of the largest, for they had once belonged to no less a person +than Long Ned himself; but Paul did not then regard those niceties of +apparel, as he was subsequently taught to do by Gentleman George (a +personage hereafter to be introduced to our reader), and he went to the +theatre as well satisfied with himself as if he had been Mr. T---or the +Count de --. + +Our adventurers are now quietly seated in the theatre; and we shall not +think it necessary to detail the performances they saw, or the +observations they made. Long Ned was one of those superior beings of the +road who would not for the world have condescended to appear anywhere but +in the boxes; and, accordingly, the friends procured a couple of places +in the dress-tier. In the next box to the one our adventurers adorned +they remarked, more especially than the rest of the audience, a gentleman +and a young lady seated next each other; the latter, who was about +thirteen years old, was so uncommonly beautiful that Paul, despite his +dramatic enthusiasm, could scarcely divert his eyes from her countenance +to the stage. Her hair, of a bright and fair auburn, hung in profuse +ringlets about her neck, shedding a softer shade upon a complexion in +which the roses seemed just budding as it were into blush. Her eyes, +large, blue, and rather languishing than brilliant, were curtained by the +darkest lashes; her mouth seemed literally girt with smiles, so +numberless were the dimples that every time the full, ripe, dewy lips +were parted rose into sight; and the enchantment of the dimples was aided +by two rows of teeth more dazzling than the richest pearls that ever +glittered on a bride. But the chief charm of the face was its exceeding +and touching air of innocence and girlish softness; you might have gazed +forever upon that first unspeakable bloom, that all untouched and +stainless down, which seemed as if a very breath could mar it. Perhaps +the face might have wanted animation; but perhaps, also, it borrowed from +that want an attraction. The repose of the features was so soft and +gentle that the eye wandered there with the same delight, and left it +with the same reluctance, which it experiences in dwelling on or in +quitting those hues which are found to harmonize the most with its +vision. But while Paul was feeding his gaze on this young beauty, the +keen glances of Long Ned had found an object no less fascinating in a +large gold watch which the gentleman who accompanied the damsel ever and +anon brought to his eye, as if he were waxing a little weary of the +length of the pieces or the lingering progression of time. + +"What a beautiful face!" whispered Paul. + +"Is the face gold, then, as well as the back?" whispered Long Ned, in +return. + +Our hero started, frowned, and despite the gigantic stature of his +comrade, told him, very angrily, to find some other subject for jesting. +Ned in his turn stared, but made no reply. + +Meanwhile Paul, though the lady was rather too young to fall in love +with, began wondering what relationship her companion bore to her. +Though the gentleman altogether was handsome, yet his features and the +whole character of his face were widely different from those on which +Paul gazed with such delight. He was not, seemingly, above +five-and-forty, but his forehead was knit into many a line and furrow; +and in his eyes the light, though searching, was more sober and staid +than became his years. A disagreeable expression played about the mouth; +and the shape of the face, which was long and thin, considerably +detracted from the prepossessing effect of a handsome aquiline nose, fine +teeth, and a dark, manly, though sallow complexion. There was a mingled +air of shrewdness and distraction in the expression of his face. He +seemed to pay very little attention to the play, or to anything about +him; but he testified very considerable alacrity, when the play was over, +in putting her cloak around his young companion, and in threading their +way through the thick crowd that the boxes were now pouring forth. + +Paul and his companion silently, and each with very different motives +from the other, followed them. They were now at the door of the theatre. + +A servant stepped forward and informed the gentleman that his carriage +was a few paces distant, but that it might be some time before it could +drive up to the theatre. + +"Can you walk to the carriage, my dear?" said the gentleman to his young +charge; and she answering in the affirmative, they both left the house, +preceded by the servant. + +"Come on!" said Long Ned, hastily, and walking in the same direction +which the strangers had taken. Paul readily agreed. They soon overtook +the strangers. Long Ned walked the nearest to the gentleman, and brushed +by him in passing. Presently a voice cried, "Stop thief!" and Long Ned, +saying to Paul, "Shift for yourself, run!" darted from our hero's side +into the crowd, and vanished in a twinkling. Before Paul could recover +his amaze, he found himself suddenly seized by the collar; he turned +abruptly, and saw the dark face of the young lady's companion. + +"Rascal!" cried the gentleman, "my watch!" + +"Watch!" repeated Paul, bewildered, and only for the sake of the young +lady refraining from knocking down his arrester,--"watch!" + +"Ay, young man!" cried a fellow in a great-coat, who now suddenly +appeared on the other side of Paul; "this gentleman's watch. Please your +honour," addressing the complainant, "_I_ be a watch too; shall I take up +this chap?" + +"By all means," cried the gentleman; "I would not have lost my watch for +twice its value. I can swear I saw this fellow's companion snatch it +from my fob. The thief's gone; but we have at least the accomplice. I +give him in strict charge to you, watchman; take the consequences if you +let him escape." The watchman answered, sullenly, that he did not want +to be threatened, and he knew how to discharge his duty. + +"Don't answer me, fellow!" said the gentleman, haughtily; "do as I tell +you!" And after a little colloquy, Paul found himself suddenly marched +off between two tall fellows, who looked prodigiously inclined to eat +him. By this time he had recovered his surprise and dismay. He did not +want the penetration to see that his companion had really committed the +offence for which he was charged; and he also foresaw that the +circumstance might be attended with disagreeable consequences to himself. +Under all the features of the case, he thought that an attempt to escape +would not be an imprudent proceeding on his part; accordingly, after +moving a few paces very quietly and very passively, he watched his +opportunity, wrenched himself from the gripe of the gentleman on his +left, and brought the hand thus released against the cheek of the +gentleman on his right with so hearty a good will as to cause him to +relinquish his hold, and retreat several paces towards the areas in a +slanting position. But that roundabout sort of blow with the left fist +is very unfavourable towards the preservation of a firm balance; and +before Paul had recovered sufficiently to make an effectual bolt, he was +prostrated to the earth by a blow from the other and undamaged watchman, +which utterly deprived him of his senses; and when he recovered those +useful possessions (which a man may reasonably boast of losing, since it +is only the minority who have them to lose), he found himself stretched +on a bench in the watchhouse. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + Begirt with many a gallant slave, + Apparelled as becomes the brave, + Old Giaffir sat in his divan: + . . . . . . . + Much I misdoubt this wayward boy + Will one day work me more annoy. + _Bride of Abydos_. + +The learned and ingenious John Schweighaeuser (a name facile to spell and +mellifluous to pronounce) hath been pleased, in that _Appendix continens +particulam doctrinae de mente humana_, which closeth the volume of his +"Opuscula Academica," to observe (we translate from memory) that, "in the +infinite variety of things which in the theatre of the world occur to a +man's survey, or in some manner or another affect his body or his mind, +by far the greater part are so contrived as to bring to him rather some +sense of pleasure than of pain or discomfort." Assuming that this holds +generally good in well-constituted frames, we point out a notable example +in the case of the incarcerated Paul; for although that youth was in no +agreeable situation at the time present, and although nothing very +encouraging smiled upon him from the prospects of the future, yet, as +soon as he had recovered his consciousness, and given himself a rousing +shake, he found an immediate source of pleasure in discovering, first, +that several ladies and gentlemen bore him company in his imprisonment; +and, secondly, in perceiving a huge jug of water within his reach, which, +as his awaking sensation was that of burning thirst, he delightedly +emptied at a draught. He then, stretching himself, looked around with a +wistful earnestness, and discovered a back turned towards him, and +recumbent on the floor, which at the very first glance appeared to him +familiar. "Surely," thought he, "I know that frieze coat, and the +peculiar turn of those narrow shoulders." Thus soliloquizing, he raised +himself, and putting out his leg, he gently kicked the reclining form. +"Muttering strange oaths," the form turned round, and raising itself upon +that inhospitable part of the body in which the introduction of foreign +feet is considered anything but an honour, it fixed its dull blue eyes +upon the face of the disturber of its slumbers, gradually opening them +wider and wider, until they seemed to have enlarged themselves into +proportions fit for the swallowing of the important truth that burst upon +them, and then from the mouth of the creature issued,-- + +"Queer my glims, if that be n't little Paul!" + +"Ay, Dummie, here I am! Not been long without being laid by the heels, +you see! Life is short; we must make the best use of our time!" + +Upon this, Mr. Dunnaker (it was no less respectable a person) scrambled +up from the floor, and seating himself on the bench beside Paul, said in +a pitying tone,-- + +"Vy, laus-a-me! if you be n't knocked o' the head! Your poll's as +bloody as Murphy's face ven his throat's cut!" + + ["Murphy's face,"unlearned reader, appeareth, in Irish phrase, + to mean "pig's head."] + +"'T is only the fortune of war, Dummie, and a mere trifle; the heads +manufactured at Thames Court are not easily put out of order. But tell +me, how come you here?" + +"Vy, I had been lushing heavy vet--" + +'Till you grew light in the head, eh,--and fell into the kennel?" + +"Yes." + +"Mine is a worse business than that, I fear;" and therewith Paul, in a +lower voice, related to the trusty Dummie the train of accidents which +had conducted him to his present asylum. Dummie's face elongated as he +listened; however, when the narrative was over, he endeavoured such +consolatory palliatives as occurred to him. He represented, first, the +possibility that the gentleman might not take the trouble to appear; +secondly, the certainty that no watch was found about Paul's person; +thirdly, the fact that, even by the gentleman's confession, Paul had not +been the actual offender; fourthly, if the worst came to the worst, what +were a few weeks' or even months' imprisonment? + +"Blow me tight!" said Dummie, "if it be n't as good a vay of passing the +time as a cove as is fond of snuggery need desire!" + +This observation had no comfort for Paul, who recoiled, with all the +maiden coyness of one to whom such unions are unfamiliar, from a +matrimonial alliance with the _snuggery_ of the House of Correction. He +rather trusted to another source for consolation. In a word, he +encouraged the flattering belief that Long Ned, finding that Paul had +been caught instead of himself, would have the generosity to come forward +and exculpate him from the charge. On hinting this idea to Dummie, that +accomplished "man about town" could not for some time believe that any +simpleton could be so thoroughly unacquainted with the world as seriously +to entertain so ridiculous a notion; and, indeed, it is somewhat +remarkable that such a hope should ever have told its flattering tale to +one brought up in the house of Mrs. Margaret Lobkins. But Paul, we have +seen, had formed many of his notions from books; and he had the same fine +theories of your "moral rogue" that possess the minds of young patriots +when they first leave college for the House of Commons, and think +integrity a prettier thing than office. + +Mr. Dunnaker urged Paul, seriously, to dismiss so vague and childish a +fancy from his breast, and rather to think of what line of defence it +would be best for him to pursue. This subject being at length exhausted, +Paul recurred to Mrs. Lobkins, and inquired whether Dummie had lately +honoured that lady with a visit. + +Mr. Dunnaker replied that he had, though with much difficulty, appeased +her anger against him for his supposed abetment of Paul's excesses, and +that of late she had held sundry conversations with Dummie respecting our +hero himself. Upon questioning Dummie further, Paul learned the good +matron's reasons for not evincing that solicitude for his return which +our hero had reasonably anticipated. The fact was, that she, having no +confidence whatsoever in his own resources independent of her, had not +been sorry of an opportunity effectually, as she hoped, to humble that +pride which had so revolted her; and she pleased her vanity by +anticipating the time when Paul, starved into submission, would gladly +and penitently re-seek the shelter of her roof, and, tamed as it were by +experience, would never again kick against the yoke which her matronly +prudence thought it fitting to impose upon him. She contented herself, +then, with obtaining from Dummie the intelligence that our hero was under +MacGrawler's roof, and therefore out of all positive danger to life and +limb; and as she could not foresee the ingenious exertions of intellect +by which Paul had converted himself into the "Nobilitas" of "The +Asinaeum," and thereby saved himself from utter penury, she was perfectly +convinced, from her knowledge of character, that the illustrious +MacGrawler would not long continue that protection to the rebellious +_protege_ which in her opinion was his only preservative from picking +pockets or famishing. To the former decent alternative she knew Paul's +great and jejune aversion; and she consequently had little fear for his +morals or his safety, in thus abandoning him for a while to chance. Any +anxiety, too, that she might otherwise have keenly experienced was +deadened by the habitual intoxication now increasing upon the good lady +with age, and which, though at times she could be excited to all her +characteristic vehemence, kept her senses for the most part plunged into +a Lethean stupor, or, to speak more courteously, into a poetical +abstraction from the things of the external world. + +"But," said Dummie, as by degrees he imparted the solution of the dame's +conduct to the listening ear of his companion,--"but I hopes as how ven +you be out of this 'ere scrape, leetle Paul, you vill take varning, and +drop Meester Pepper's acquaintance (vich, I must say, I vas alvays a +sorry to see you hencourage), and go home to the Mug, and fam grasp the +old mort, for she has not been like the same cretur ever since you vent. +She's a delicate-'arted 'oman, that Piggy Lob!" + +So appropriate a panegyric on Mrs. Margaret Lobkins might at another time +have excited Paul's risible muscles; but at that moment he really felt +compunction for the unceremonious manner in which he had left her, and +the softness of regretful affection imbued in its hallowing colours even +the image of Piggy Lob. + +In conversation of this intellectual and domestic description, the night +and ensuing morning passed away, till Paul found himself in the awful +presence of Justice Burnflat. Several cases were disposed of before his +own; and among others Mr. Duminie Dunnaker obtained his release, though +not without a severe reprimand for his sin of inebriety, which no doubt +sensibly affected the ingenuous spirit of that noble character. At +length Paul's turn came. He heard, as he took his station, a general +buzz. At first he imagined it was at his own interesting appearance; but +raising his eyes, he perceived that it was at the entrance of the +gentleman who was to become his accuser. + +"Hush," said some one near him, "'t is Lawyer Brandon. Ah, he's a 'cute +fellow! it will go hard with the person he complains of." + +There was a happy fund of elasticity of spirit about our hero; and though +he had not the good fortune to have "a blighted heart,"--a circumstance +which, by the poets and philosophers of the present day, is supposed to +inspire a man with wonderful courage, and make him impervious to all +misfortunes,--yet he bore himself up with wonderful courage under his +present trying situation, and was far from overwhelmed, though he was +certainly a little damped, by the observation he had just heard. + +Mr. Brandon was, indeed, a barrister of considerable reputation, and in +high esteem in the world, not only for talent, but also for a great +austerity of manners, which, though a little mingled with sternness and +acerbity for the errors of other men, was naturally thought the more +praiseworthy on that account; there being, as persons of experience are +doubtless aware, two divisions in the first class of morality,-- +_imprimis_, a great hatred for the vices of one's neighbour; secondly, +the possession of virtues in one's self. + +Mr. Brandon was received with great courtesy by Justice Burnflat; and as +he came, watch in hand (a borrowed watch), saying that his time was worth +five guineas a moment, the justice proceeded immediately to business. + +Nothing could be clearer, shorter, or more satisfactory than the evidence +of Mr. Brandon. The corroborative testimony of the watchman followed; +and then Paul was called upon for his defence. This was equally brief +with the charge; but, alas! it was not equally satisfactory. It +consisted in a firm declaration of his innocence. His comrade, he +confessed, might have stolen the watch; but he humbly suggested that that +was exactly the very reason why he had not stolen it. + +"How long, fellow," asked Justice Burnflat, "have you known your +companion?" + +"About half a year." + +"And what is his name and calling?" Paul hesitated, and declined to +answer. + +"A sad piece of business!" said the justice, in a melancholy tone, and +shaking his head portentously. + +The lawyer acquiesced in the aphorism, but with great magnanimity +observed that he did not wish to be hard upon the young man. His youth +was in his favour, and his offence was probably the consequence of evil +company. He suggested, therefore, that as he must be perfectly aware of +the address of his friend, he should receive a full pardon if he would +immediately favour the magistrate with that information. He concluded by +remarking, with singular philanthropy, that it was not the punishment of +the youth, but the recovery of his watch, that he desired. + +Justice Burnflat, having duly impressed upon our hero's mind the +disinterested and Christian mercy of the complainant, and the everlasting +obligation Paul was under to him for its display, now repeated, with +double solemnity, those queries respecting the habitation and name of +Long Ned which our hero had before declined to answer. + +Grieved are we to confess that Paul, ungrateful for and wholly untouched +by the beautiful benignity of Lawyer Brandon, continued firm in his +stubborn denial to betray his comrade; and with equal obduracy he +continued to insist upon his own innocence and unblemished respectability +of character. + +"Your name, young man?" quoth the justice. "Your name, you say, is +Paul,--Paul what? You have many an alias, I'll be bound." + +Here the young gentleman again hesitated; at length he replied,-- + +"Paul Lobkins, your worship." + +"Lobkins!" repeated the judge,--"Lobkins! Come hither, Saunders; have +not we that name down in our black books?" + +"So, please your worship," quoth a little stout man, very useful in many +respects to the Festus of the police, "there is one Peggy Lobkins, who +keeps a public-house, a sort of flash ken, called the Mug, in Thames +Court,--not exactly in our beat, your worship." + +"Ho, ho!" said Justice Burnflat; winking at Mr. Brandon, "we must sift +this a little. Pray, Mr. Paul Lobkins, what relation is the good +landlady of the Mug, in Thames Court, to yourself?" + +"None at all, sir," said Paul, hastily; "she's only a friend!" + +Upon this there was a laugh in the court. + +"Silence!" cried the justice. "And I dare say, Mr. Paul Lobkins, that +this friend of yours will vouch for the respectability of your character, +upon which you are pleased to value yourself?" + +"I have not a doubt of it, sir," answered Paul; and there was another +laugh. + +"And is there any other equally weighty and praiseworthy friend of yours +who will do you the like kindness?" + +Paul hesitated; and at that moment, to the surprise of the court, but +above all to the utter and astounding surprise of himself, two gentlemen, +dressed in the height of the fashion, pushed forward, and bowing to the +justice, declared themselves ready to vouch for the thorough +respectability and unimpeachable character of Mr. Paul Lobkins, whom they +had known, they said, for many years, and for whom they had the greatest +respect. While Paul was surveying the persons of these kind friends, +whom he never remembered to have seen before in the course of his life, +the lawyer, who was a very sharp fellow, whispered to the magistrate; and +that dignitary nodding as in assent, and eying the new-comers, inquired +the names of Mr. Lobkins's witnesses. + +"Mr. Eustace Fitzherbert" and "Mr. William Howard Russell," were the +several replies. + +Names so aristocratic produced a general sensation. But the impenetrable +justice, calling the same Mr. Saunders he had addressed before, asked him +to examine well the countenances of Mr. Lobkins's friends. + +As the alguazil eyed the features of the memorable Don Raphael and the +illustrious Manuel Morales, when the former of those accomplished +personages thought it convenient to assume the travelling dignity of an +Italian prince, son of the sovereign of the valleys which lie between +Switzerland, the Milanese, and Savoy, while the latter was contented with +being servant to Monseigneur le Prince; even so, with far more +earnestness than respect; did Mr. Saunders eye the features of those +high-born gentlemen, Messrs. Eustace Fitzherbert and William Howard +Russell; but after a long survey he withdrew his eyes, made an +unsatisfactory and unrecognizing gesture to the magistrate, and said,-- + +"Please your worship, they are none of my flock; but Bill Troutling knows +more of this sort of genteel chaps than I does." + +"Bid Bill Troutling appear!" was the laconic order. + +At that name a certain modest confusion might have been visible in the +faces of Mr. Eustace Fitzherbert and Mr. William Howard Russell, had not +the attention of the court been immediately directed to another case. A +poor woman had been committed for seven days to the House of Correction +on a charge of _disrespectability_. Her husband, the person most +interested in the matter, now came forward to disprove the charge; and by +help of his neighbours he succeeded. + +"It is all very true," said Justice Burnflat; "but as your wife, my good +fellow, will be out in five days, it will be scarcely worth while to +release her now." + + [A fact, occurring in the month of January, 1830. _Vide_ + "The Morning Herald."] + +So judicious a decision could not fail of satisfying the husband; and the +audience became from that moment enlightened as to a very remarkable +truth,--namely, that five days out of seven bear a peculiarly small +proportion to the remaining two; and that people in England have so +prodigious a love for punishment that though it is not worth while to +release an innocent woman from prison five days sooner than one would +otherwise have done, it is exceedingly well worth while to commit her to +prison for seven! + +When the husband, passing his rough hand across his eyes, and muttering +some vulgar impertinence or another had withdrawn, Mr. Saunders said,-- + +"Here be Bill Troutling, your worship!" + +"Oh, well," quoth the justice; "and now, Mr. Eustace Fitz---- Hallo, +how's this! Where are Mr. William Howard Russell and his friend +Mr. Eustace Fitzherbert?" + + "Echo answered,--where?" + +Those noble gentlemen, having a natural dislike to be confronted with so +low a person as Mr. Bill Troutling, had, the instant public interest was +directed from them, silently disappeared from a scene where their rank in +life seemed so little regarded. If, reader, you should be anxious to +learn from what part of the world the transitory visitants appeared, know +that they were spirits sent by that inimitable magician, Long Ned, partly +to report how matters fared in the court; for Mr. Pepper, in pursuance of +that old policy which teaches that the nearer the fox is to the hunters, +the more chance he has of being overlooked, had, immediately on his +abrupt departure from Paul, dived into a house in the very street where +his ingenuity had displayed itself, and in which oysters and ale nightly +allured and regaled an assembly that, to speak impartially, was more +numerous than select. There had he learned how a pickpocket had been +seized for unlawful affection to another man's watch; and there, while he +quietly seasoned his oysters, had he, with his characteristic acuteness, +satisfied his mind by the conviction that that arrested unfortunate was +no other than Paul. Partly, therefore, as a precaution for his own +safety, that he might receive early intelligence should Paul's defence +make a change of residence expedient, and partly (out of the friendliness +of fellowship) to back his companion with such aid as the favourable +testimony of two well-dressed persons, little known "about town," might +confer, he had despatched those celestial beings who had appeared under +the mortal names of Eustace Fitzherbert and William Howard Russell to the +imperial court of Justice Burnflat. Having thus accounted for the +apparition (the _disapparition_ requires no commentary) of Paul's +"friends," we return to Paul himself. + +Despite the perils with which he was girt, our young hero fought out to +the last; but the justice was not by any means willing to displease Mr. +Brandon, and observing that an incredulous and biting sneer remained +stationary on that gentleman's lip during the whole of Paul's defence, he +could not but shape his decision according to the well-known acuteness of +the celebrated lawyer. Paul was sentenced to retire for three months to +that country-house situated at Bridewell, to which the ungrateful +functionaries of justice often banish their most active citizens. + +As soon as the sentence was passed, Brandon, whose keen eyes saw no hope +of recovering his lost treasure, declared that the rascal had perfectly +the Old Bailey cut of countenance, and that he did not doubt but, if ever +he lived to be a judge, he should also live to pass a very different +description of sentence on the offender. + +So saying, he resolved to lose no more time, and very abruptly left the +office, without any other comfort than the remembrance that, at all +events, he had sent the boy to a place where, let him be ever so innocent +at present, he was certain to come out as much inclined to be guilty as +his friends could desire; joined to such moral reflection as the tragedy +of Bombastes Furioso might have afforded to himself in that sententious +and terse line,-- + + "Thy watch is gone,--watches are made _to go_." + +Meanwhile Paul was conducted in state to his retreat, in company with two +other offenders,--one a middle-aged man, though a very old "file," who +was sentenced for getting money under false pretences, and the other a +little boy who had been found guilty of sleeping under a colonnade; it +being the especial beauty of the English law to make no fine-drawn and +nonsensical shades of difference between vice and misfortune, and its +peculiar method of protecting the honest being to make as many rogues as +possible in as short a space of time. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +_Common Sense._ What is the end of punishment as regards the individual +punished? + +_Custom._ To make him better! + +_Common Sense._ How do you punish young offenders who are (from their +youth) peculiarly alive to example, and whom it is therefore more easy +either to ruin or reform than the matured? + +_Custom._ We send them to the House of Correction, to associate with the +d--dest rascals in the country! + +_Dialogue between Common Sense and Custom.--Very scarce._ + + +As it was rather late in the day when Paul made his first _entree_ at +Bridewell, he passed that night in the "receiving-room." The next +morning, as soon as he had been examined by the surgeon and clothed in +the customary uniform, he was ushered, according to his classification, +among the good company who had been considered guilty of that compendious +offence, "a misdemeanour." Here a tall gentleman marched up to him, and +addressed him in a certain language, which might be called the +freemasonry of flash, and which Paul, though he did not comprehend +_verbatim_, rightly understood to be an inquiry whether he was a thorough +rogue and an entire rascal. He answered half in confusion, half in +anger; and his reply was so detrimental to any favourable influence he +might otherwise have exercised over the interrogator, that the latter +personage, giving him a pinch in the ear, shouted out, "Ramp, ramp!" and +at that significant and awful word, Paul found himself surrounded in a +trice by a whole host of ingenious tormentors. One pulled this member, +another pinched that; one cuffed him before, and another thrashed him +behind. By way of interlude to this pleasing occupation, they stripped +him of the very few things that in his change of dress be had retained. +One carried off his handkerchief, a second his neckcloth, and a third, +luckier than either, possessed himself of a pair of carnelian +shirt-buttons, given to Paul as a _gage d'amour_ by a young lady who sold +oranges near the Tower. Happily, before this initiatory +process--technically termed "ramping," and exercised upon all new-comers +who seem to have a spark of decency in them--had reduced the bones of +Paul, who fought tooth and nail in his defence, to the state of magnesia, +a man of a grave aspect, who had hitherto plucked his oakum in quiet, +suddenly rose, thrust himself between the victim and the assailants, and +desired the latter, like one having authority, to leave the lad alone, +and go and be d--d. + +This proposal to resort to another place for amusement, though uttered in +a very grave and tranquil manner, produced that instantaneous effect +which admonitions from great rogues generally work upon little. +Messieurs the _ravmpers_ ceased from their amusements; and the ringleader +of the gang, thumping Paul heartily on the back, declared he was a +capital fellow, and it was only a bit of a spree like, which he hoped had +not given any offence. + +Paul, still clenching his fist, was about to answer in no pacific mood, +when a turnkey, who did not care in the least how many men he locked up +for an offence, but who did not at all like the trouble of looking after +any one of his flock to see that the offence was not committed, now +suddenly appeared among the set; and after scolding them for the +excessive plague they were to him, carried off two of the poorest of the +mob to solitary confinement. It happened, of course, that these two had +not taken the smallest share in the disturbance. This scene over, the +company returned to picking oakum; the tread-mill, that admirably just +invention by which a strong man suffers no fatigue and a weak one loses +his health for life, not having been then introduced into our excellent +establishments for correcting crime. Bitterly and with many dark and +wrathful feelings, in which the sense of injustice at punishment alone +bore him up against the humiliations to which he was subjected,--bitterly +and with a swelling heart, in which the thoughts that lead to crime were +already forcing their way through a soil suddenly warmed for their +growth, did Paul bend over his employment. He felt himself touched on +the arm; he turned, and saw that the gentleman who had so kindly +delivered him from his tormentors was now sitting next to him. Paul +gazed long and earnestly upon his neighbour, struggling with the thought +that he had beheld that sagacious countenance in happier times, although +now, alas! it was altered not only by time and vicissitudes but by that +air of gravity which the cares of manhood spread gradually over the face +of the most thoughtless,--until all doubt melted away, and he +exclaimed,-- + +"Is that you, Mr. Tomlinson? How glad I am to see you here!" + +"And I," returned the quondam murderer for the newspapers, with a nasal +twang, "should be very glad to see myself anywhere else." + +Paul made no answer; and Augustus continued,-- + +"'To a wise man all places are the same,'--so it has been said. I don't +believe it, Paul,--I don't believe it. But a truce to reflection! I +remembered you the moment I saw you, though you are surprisingly grown. +How is my friend MacGrawler?--still hard at work for 'The Asinaeum'?" + +"I believe so," said Paul, sullenly, and hastening to change the +conversation; "but tell me, Mr. Tomlinson, how came you hither? I heard +you had gone down to the North of England to fulfil a lucrative +employment." + +"Possibly! The world always misrepresents the actions of those who are +constantly before it." + +"It is very true," said Paul; "and I have said the same thing myself a +hundred times in 'The Asinaeum,' for we were never too lavish of our +truths in that magnificent journal. 'T is astonishing what a way we made +three ideas go." + +"You remind me of myself and my newspaper labours," rejoined Augustus +Tomlinson. "I am not quite sure that I had so many as three ideas to +spare; for, as you say, it is astonishing how far that number may go, +properly managed. It is with writers as with strolling players,--the +same three ideas that did for Turks in one scene do for Highlanders in +the next; but you must tell me your history one of these days, and you +shall hear mine." + +"I should be excessively obliged to you for your confidence," said Paul, +"and I doubt not but your life must be excessively entertaining. Mine, +as yet, has been but insipid. The lives of literary men are not fraught +with adventure; and I question whether every writer in 'The Asinaeum' has +not led pretty nearly the same existence as that which I have sustained +myself." + +In conversation of this sort our newly restored friends passed the +remainder of the day, until the hour of half-past four, when the +prisoners are to suppose night has begun, and be locked up in their +bedrooms. Tomlinson then, who was glad to re-find a person who had known +him in his _beaux jours,_ spoke privately to the turnkey; and the result +of the conversation was the coupling Paul and Augustus in the same +chamber, which was a sort of stone box, that generally accommodated +three, and was--for we have measured it, as we would have measured the +cell of the prisoner of Chillon--just eight feet by six. + +We do not intend, reader, to .indicate, by broad colours and in long +detail, the moral deterioration of our hero; because we have found, by +experience, that such pains on our part do little more than make thee +blame our stupidity instead of lauding our intention. We shall therefore +only work out our moral by subtle hints and brief comments; and we shall +now content ourselves with reminding thee that hitherto thou hast seen +Paul honest in the teeth of circumstances. Despite the contagion of the +Mug, despite his associates in Fish Lane, despite his intimacy with Long +Ned, thou hast seen him brave temptation, and look forward to some other +career than that of robbery or fraud. Nay, even in his destitution, when +driven from the abode of his childhood, thou hast observed how, instead +of resorting to some more pleasurable or libertine road of life, he +betook himself at once to the dull roof and insipid employments of +MacGrawler, and preferred honestly earning his subsistence by the sweat +of his brain to recurring to any of the numerous ways of living on others +with which his experience among the worst part of society must have +teemed, and which, to say the least of them, are more alluring to the +young and the adventurous than the barren paths of literary labour. +Indeed, to let thee into a secret, it had been Paul's daring ambition to +raise himself into a worthy member of the community. His present +circumstances, it may hereafter be seen, made the cause of a great change +in his desires; and the conversation he held that night with the +ingenious and skilful Augustus went more towards fitting him for the hero +of this work than all the habits of his childhood or the scenes of his +earlier youth. Young people are apt, erroneously, to believe that it is +a bad thing to be exceedingly wicked. The House of Correction is so +called, because it is a place where so ridiculous a notion is invariably +corrected. The next day Paul was surprised by a visit from Mrs. Lobkins, +who had heard of his situation and its causes from the friendly Dummie, +and who had managed to obtain from Justice Burnflat an order of +admission. They met, Pyramus and Thisbe like, with a wall, or rather an +iron gate, between them; and Mrs. Lobkins, after an ejaculation of +despair at the obstacle, burst weepingly into the pathetic reproach,-- + +"O Paul, thou hast brought thy pigs to a fine market!" + +"'T is a market proper for pigs, dear dame," said Paul, who, though with +a tear in his eye, did not refuse a joke as bitter as it was inelegant; +"for, of all others, it is the spot where a man learns to take care of +his bacon." + +"Hold your tongue!" cried the dame, angrily. "What business has you to +gabble on so while you are in limbo?" + +"Ah, dear dame," said Paul, "we can't help these rubs and stumbles on our +road to preferment!" + +"Road to the scragging-post!" cried the dame. "I tells you, child, +you'll live to be hanged in spite of all my care and 'tention to you, +though I hedicated you as a scholard, and always hoped as how you would +grow up to be an honour to your--" + +"King and country," interrupted Paul. "We always say, honour to king and +country, which means getting rich and paying taxes. 'The more taxes a +man pays, the greater honour he is to both,' as Augustus says. Well, +dear dame, all in good time." + +"What! you is merry, is you? Why does not you weep? + +Your heart is as hard as a brickbat. It looks quite unnatural and +hyena-like to be so _devil-me-careish!" So saying, the good dame's +tears gushed forth with the bitterness of a despairing Parisina. + +"Nay, nay," said Paul, who, though he suffered far more intensely, bore +the suffering far more easily than his patroness, "we cannot mend the +matter by crying. Suppose you see what can be done for me. I dare say +you may manage to soften the justice's sentence by a little 'oil of +palms;' and if you can get me out before I am quite corrupted,--a day or +two longer in this infernal place will do the business,--I promise you +that I will not only live honestly myself, but with people who live in +the same manner." + +"Buss me, Paul," said the tender Mrs. Lobkins, "buss me--Oh! but I +forgits the gate. I'll see what can be done. And here, my lad, here's +summat for you in the mean while,--a drop o' the cretur, to preach +comfort to your poor stomach. Hush! smuggle it through, or they'll see +you." + +Here the dame endeavoured to push a stone bottle through the bars of the +gate; but, alas! though the neck passed through, the body refused, and +the dame was forced to retract the "cretur." Upon this, the kind-hearted +woman renewed her sobbings; and so absorbed was she in her grief that +seemingly quite forgetting for what purpose she had brought the bottle, +she applied it to her own mouth, and consoled herself with that elixir +vitae which she had originally designed for Paul. + +This somewhat restored her; and after a most affecting scene the dame +reeled off with the vacillating steps natural to woe, promising, as she +went, that if love or money could shorten Paul's confinement, neither +should be wanting. We are rather at a loss to conjecture the exact +influence which the former of these arguments, urged by the lovely +Margaret, might have had upon Justice Burnflat. + +When the good dame had departed, Paul hastened to repick his oakum and +rejoin his friend. He found the worthy Augustus privately selling little +elegant luxuries, such as tobacco, gin, and rations of daintier viands +than the prison allowed; for Augustus, having more money than the rest of +his companions, managed, through the friendship of the turnkey, to +purchase secretly, and to resell at about four hundred per cent, such +comforts as the prisoners especially coveted. + + [A very common practice at the Bridewell. The Governor at the + Coldbath-Fields, apparently a very intelligent and active man, every + way fitted for a most arduous undertaking, informed us, in the only + conversation we have had the honour to hold with him, that he + thought he had nearly or quite destroyed in his jurisdiction this + illegal method of commerce.] + +"A proof," said Augustus, dryly, to Paul, "that by prudence and exertion +even in those places where a man cannot turn himself he may manage to +turn a penny." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + "Relate at large, my godlike guest," she said, + "The Grecian stratagems,--the town betrayed!" + DRYDEN: Virgil, AEneid, book ii. + + Descending thence, they 'scaped!--Ibid. + +A great improvement had taken place in the character of Augustus +Tomlinson since Paul had last encountered that illustrious man. Then +Augustus had affected the man of pleasure, the learned lounger about +town, the all-accomplished Pericles of the papers, gayly quoting Horace, +gravely flanking a fly from the leader of Lord Dunshunner. Now a more +serious yet not a less supercilious air had settled upon his features; +the pretence of fashion had given way to the pretence of wisdom; and from +the man of pleasure Augustus Tomlinson had grown to the philosopher. +With this elevation alone, too, he was not content: he united the +philosopher with the politician; and the ingenious rascal was pleased +especially to pique himself upon being "a moderate Whig"! + +"Paul," he was wont to observe, "believe me, moderate Whiggism is a most +excellent creed. It adapts itself to every possible change, to every +conceivable variety of circumstance. It is the only politics for us who +are the aristocrats of that free body who rebel against tyrannical laws; +for, hang it, I am none of your democrats. Let there be dungeons and +turnkeys for the low rascals who whip clothes from the hedge where they +hang to dry, or steal down an area in quest of a silver spoon; but houses +of correction are not made for men who have received an enlightened +education,--who abhor your petty thefts as much as a justice of peace. +can do,--who ought never to be termed dishonest in their dealings, but, +if they are found out, 'unlucky in their speculations'! A pretty thing, +indeed, that there should be distinctions of rank among other members of +the community, and none among us! Where's your boasted British +Constitution, I should like to know, where are your privileges of +aristocracy, if I, who am a gentleman born, know Latin, and have lived in +the best society, should be thrust into this abominable place with a +dirty fellow who was born in a cellar, and could never earn more at a +time than would purchase a sausage? No, no! none of your levelling +principles for me! I am liberal, Paul, and love liberty; but, thank +Heaven, I despise your democracies!" + +Thus, half in earnest, half veiling a natural turn to sarcasm, would this +moderate Whig run on for the hour together during those long nights, +commencing at half-past four, in which he and Paul bore each other +company. + +One evening, when Tomlinson was so bitterly disposed to be prolix that +Paul felt himself somewhat wearied by his eloquence, our hero, desirous +of a change in the conversation, reminded Augustus of his promise to +communicate his history; and the philosophical Whig, nothing loath to +speak of himself, cleared his throat, and began. + +"Never mind who was my father, nor what was my native place! My first +ancestor was Tommy Linn (his heir became Tom Linn's son),--you have heard +the ballad made in his praise, + + "'Tommy Linn is a Scotchman born, + His head is bald and his beard is shorn; + He had a cap made of a hare skin, + An elder man is Tommy Limn!' + +"There was a sort of prophecy respecting my ancestor's descendants darkly +insinuated in the concluding stanza of this ballad:-- + + "'Tommy Linn, and his wife, and his wife's mother, + They all fell into the fire together; + They that lay undermost got a hot skin,-- + + "We are not enough!" said Tommy Linn.'" + +"You see the prophecy: it is applicable both to gentlemen rogues and to +moderate Whigs; for both are undermost in the world, and both are +perpetually bawling out, 'We are not enough!' + +"I shall begin my own history by saying, I went to a North Country +school, where I was noted for my aptness in learning; and my skill at +'prisoner's base,'--upon my word I purposed no pun! I was intended for +the Church. Wishing, betimes, to instruct myself in its ceremonies, I +persuaded my schoolmaster's maidservant to assist me towards promoting a +christening. My father did not like this premature love for the sacred +rites. He took me home; and wishing to give my clerical ardour a +different turn, prepared me for writing sermons by reading me a dozen a +day. I grew tired of this, strange as it may seem to you. 'Father,' +said I, one morning, 'it is no use talking; I will not go into the +Church,--that's positive. Give me your blessing and a hundred pounds, +and I'll go up to London and get a living instead of a curacy.' My +father stormed; but I got the better at last. I talked of becoming a +private tutor; swore I had heard nothing was so easy,--the only things +wanted were pupils; and the only way to get them was to go to London and +let my learning be known. My poor father,--well, he's gone, and I am +glad of it now!" The speaker's voice faltered. "I got the better, I +say, and I came to town, where I had a relation a bookseller. Through +his interest, I wrote a book of Travels in Ethiopia for an earl's son, +who wanted to become a lion; and a Treatise on the Greek Particle, +dedicated to the prime minister, for a dean, who wanted to become a +bishop,--Greek being, next to interest, the best road to the mitre. +These two achievements were liberally paid; so I took a lodging in a +first floor, and resolved to make a bold stroke for a wife. What do you +think I did?--nay, never guess; it would be hopeless. First, I went to +the best tailor, and had my clothes sewn on my back; secondly, I got the +peerage and its genealogies by heart; thirdly, I marched one night, with +the coolest deliberation possible, into the house of a duchess, who was +giving an immense rout! The newspapers had inspired me with this idea. +I had read of the vast crowds which a lady 'at home' sought to win to her +house. I had read of staircases impassable, and ladies carried out in a +fit; and common-sense told me how impossible it was that the fair +receiver should be acquainted with the legality of every importation. +I therefore resolved to try my chance, and--entered the body of Augustus +Tomlinson, as a piece of stolen goods. Faith! the first night I was +shy,--I stuck to the staircase, and ogled an old maid of quality, whom I +had heard announced as Lady Margaret Sinclair. Doubtless she had never +been ogled before; and she was evidently enraptured with my glances. The +next night I read of a ball at the Countess of -------'s. My heart beat +as if I were going to be whipped; but I plucked up courage, and repaired +to her ladyship's. There I again beheld the divine Lady Margaret; and +observing that she turned yellow, by way of a blush, when she saw me, I +profited by the port I had drunk as an encouragement to my entree, and +lounging up in the most modish way possible, I reminded her ladyship of +an introduction with which I said I had once been honoured at the Duke of +Dashwell's, and requested her hand for the next cotillion. Oh, Paul, +fancy my triumph! The old damsel said, with a sigh, she remembered me +very well, ha, ha, ha!--and I carried her off to the cotillion like +another Theseus bearing away a second Ariadne. Not to be prolix on this +part of my life, I went night after night to balls and routs, for +admission to which half the fine gentlemen in London would have given +their ears. And I improved my time so well with Lady Margaret, who was +her own mistress and had L5,000,--a devilish bad portion for some, but +not to be laughed at by me,--that I began to think when the happy day +should be fixed. Meanwhile, as Lady Margaret introduced me to some of +her friends, and my lodgings were in a good situation, I had been +honoured with some real invitations. The only two questions I ever was +asked were (carelessly), "Was I the only son?" and on my veritable answer +'Yes!' 'What' (this was more warmly put),--'what was my county?' +Luckily my county was a wide one,--Yorkshire; and any of its inhabitants +whom the fair interrogators might have questioned about me could only +have answered, I was not in their part of it. + +"Well, Paul, I grew so bold by success that the devil one day put it into +my head to go to a great dinner-party at the Duke of Dashwell's. I went, +dined,--nothing happened; I came away, and the next morning I read in the +papers,-- + +"'Mysterious affair--person lately going about--first bouses--most +fashionable parties--nobody knows--Duke of Dashwell's yesterday. Duke +not like to make disturbance--as royalty present." + +"The journal dropped from my hands. At that moment the girl of the house +gave me a note from Lady Margaret,--alluded to the paragraph; wondered +who was 'The Stranger;' hoped to see me that night at Lord A-----'s, +to whose party I said I had been asked; speak then more fully on those +matters I had touched on!--in short, dear Paul, a tender epistle! All +great men are fatalists,--I am one now; fate made me a madman. In the +very face of this ominous paragraph I mustered up courage, and went that +night to Lord A-----'s. The fact is, my affairs were in confusion,--I +was greatly in debt. I knew it was necessary to finish my conquest over +Lady Margaret as soon as possible; and Lord A-----'s seemed the best +place for the purpose. Nay, I thought delay so dangerous, after the +cursed paragraph, that a day might unmask me, and it would be better +therefore not to lose an hour in finishing the play of 'The Stranger' +with the farce of 'The Honey Moon.' Behold me then at Lord A-----'s, +leading off Lady Margaret to the dance. Behold me whispering the +sweetest of things in her ear. Imagine her approving my suit, and gently +chiding me for talking of Gretna Green. Conceive all this, my dear +fellow, and just at the height of my triumph, dilate the eyes of your +imagination, and behold the stately form of Lord A-----, my noble host, +marching up to me, while a voice that, though low and quiet as an evening +breeze, made my heart sink into my shoes, said, 'I believe, sir, you have +received no invitation from Lady A-----?' + +"Not a word could I utter, Paul,--not a word. Had it been the highroad +instead of a ballroom, I could have talked loudly enough; but I was under +a spell. 'Ehem!' I faltered at last,--'e-h-e-m! Some mis-take, I-- +I--' There I stopped. + +"'Sir,' said the earl, regarding me with a grave sternness, 'you had +better withdraw.' + +"'Bless me! what's all this?' cried Lady Margaret, dropping my palsied +arm, and gazing on me as if she expected me to talk like a hero. + +"'Oh,' said I, 'eh-e-m, eh-e-m,--I will exp--lain to-morrow,--ehem, +e-h-e-m.' I made to the door; all the eyes in the room seemed turned +into burning-glasses, and blistered the very skin on my face. I heard a +gentle shriek, as I left the apartment,--Lady Margaret fainting, I +suppose! There ended my courtship and my adventures in 'the best +society.' + +"I felt melancholy at the ill-success of my scheme. You must allow it was +a magnificent project. What moral courage! I admire myself when I think +of it. Without an introduction, without knowing a soul, to become, all +by my own resolution, free of the finest houses in London, dancing with +earls' daughters, and all but carrying off an earl's daughter myself as +my wife. If I had, the friends must have done something for me; and Lady +Margaret Tomlinson might perhaps have introduced the youthful genius of +her Augustus to parliament or the ministry. Oh, what a fall was there! +Yet, faith, ha, ha, ha! I could not help laughing, despite of my +chagrin, when I remembered that for three months I had imposed on these +'delicate exclusives,' and been literally invited by many of them, who +would not have asked the younger sons of their own cousins, merely +because I lived in a good street, avowed myself an only child, and talked +of my property in Yorkshire! Ha, ha! how bitter the mercenary dupes must +have felt when the discovery was made! What a pill for the good matrons +who had coupled my image with that of some filial Mary or Jane,--ha, ha, +ha! The triumph was almost worth the mortification. However, as I said +before, I fell melancholy on it, especially as my duns became menacing. +So I went to consult with my cousin the bookseller. He recommended me to +compose for the journals, and obtained me an offer. I went to work very +patiently for a short time, and contracted some agreeable friendships +with gentlemen whom I met at an ordinary in St. James's. Still, my duns, +though I paid them by driblets, were the plague of my life. I confessed +as much to one of my new friends. 'Come to Bath with me,' quoth he, 'for +a week, and you shall return as rich as a Jew.' I accepted the offer, and +went to Bath in my friend's chariot. He took the name of Lord +Dunshunner, an Irish peer who had never been out of Tipperary, and was +not therefore likely to be known at Bath. He took also a house for a +year; filled it with wines, books, and a sideboard of plate. As he +talked vaguely of setting up his younger brother to stand for the town at +the next parliament, he bought these goods of the townspeople, in order +to encourage their trade. I managed secretly to transport them to London +and sell them; and as we disposed of them fifty per cent under cost +price, our customers, the pawnbrokers, were not very inquisitive. We +lived a jolly life at Bath for a couple of months, and departed one +night, leaving our housekeeper to answer all interrogatories. We had +taken the precaution to wear disguises, stuffed ourselves out, and +changed the hues of our hair. My noble friend was an adept in these +transformations; and though the police did not sleep on the business, +they never stumbled on us. I am especially glad we were not discovered, +for I liked Bath excessively; and I intend to return there some of these +days, and retire from the world--on an heiress! + +"Well, Paul, shortly after this adventure I made your acquaintance. I +continued ostensibly my literary profession, but only as a mask for the +labours I did not profess. A circumstance obliged me to leave London +rather precipitately. Lord Dunshunner joined me in Edinburgh. D---it, +instead of doing anything there, we were done! The veriest urchin that +ever crept through the High Street is more than a match for the most +scientific of Englishmen. With us it is art; with the Scotch it is +nature. They pick your pockets without using their fingers for it; and +they prevent reprisal by having nothing for you to pick. + +"We left Edinburgh with very long faces, and at Carlisle we found it +necessary to separate. For my part, I went as a valet to a nobleman who +had just lost his last servant at Carlisle by a fever; my friend gave me +the best of characters! My new master was a very clever man. He +astonished people at dinner by the impromptus he prepared at breakfast; +in a word, he was a wit. He soon saw, for he was learned himself, that +I had received a classical education, and he employed me in the +confidential capacity of finding quotations for him. I classed these +alphabetically and under three heads,--'Parliamentary, Literary, Dining- +out.' These were again subdivided into 'Fine,' 'Learned,' and 'Jocular;' +so that my master knew at once where to refer for genius, wisdom, and +wit. He was delighted with my management of his intellects. In +compliment to him, I paid more attention to politics than I had done +before; for he was a 'great Whig,' and uncommonly liberal in everything-- +but money! Hence, Paul, the origin of my political principles; and I +thank Heaven there is not now a rogue in England who is a better--that is +to say, more of a moderate-Whig than your humble servant! I continued +with him nearly a year. He discharged me for a fault worthy of my +genius: other servants may lose the watch or the coat of their master; I +went at nobler game, and lost him--his private character!" + +"How do you mean?" + +"Why, I was enamoured of a lady who would not have looked at me as Mr. +Tomlinson; so I took my master's clothes and occasionally his carriage, +and made love to my nymph as Lord. Her vanity made her indiscreet. The +Tory papers got hold of it; and my master, in a change of ministers, was +declared by George the Third to be 'too gay for a Chancellor of the +Exchequer.' An old gentleman who had had fifteen children by a wife like +a Gorgon, was chosen instead of my master; and although the new minister +was a fool in his public capacity, the moral public were perfectly +content with him, because of his private virtues! + +"My master was furious, made the strictest inquiry, found me out, and +turned me out too! + +"A Whig not in place has an excuse for disliking the Constitution. +My distress almost made me a republican; but, true to my creed, I must +confess that I would only have levelled upwards. I especially +disaffected the inequality of riches; I looked moodily on every carriage +that passed; I even frowned like a second Catiline at the steam of a +gentle man's kitchen! My last situation had not been lucrative; I had +neglected my perquisites, in my ardour for politics. My master, too, +refused to give me a character: who would take me without one? + +"I was asking myself this melancholy question one morning, when I +suddenly encountered one of the fine friends I had picked up at my old +haunt, the ordinary, in St. James's. His name was Pepper." + +"Pepper!" cried Paul. + +Without heeding the exclamation, Tomlinson continued:--"We went to a +tavern and drank a bottle together. Wine made me communicative; it also +opened my comrade's heart. He asked me to take a ride with him that +night towards Hounslow. I did so, and found a purse." + +"How fortunate! Where?" + +"In a gentleman's pocket. I was so pleased with my luck that I went the +same road twice a week, in order to see if I could pick up any more +purses. Fate favoured me, and I lived for a long time the life of the +blessed. Oh, Paul, you know not--you know not what a glorious life is +that of a highwayman; but you shall taste it one of these days,--you +shall, on my honour. + +"I now lived with a club of honest fellows. We called ourselves 'The +Exclusives,'--for we were mighty reserved in our associates, and only +those who did business on a grand scale were admitted into our set. For +my part, with all my love for my profession, I liked ingenuity still +better than force, and preferred what the vulgar call swindling, even to +the highroad. On an expedition of this sort, I rode once into a country +town, and saw a crowd assembled in one corner; I joined it, and my +feelings!--beheld my poor friend Viscount Dunshunner just about to be +hanged! I rode off as fast as I could,--I thought I saw Jack Ketch at my +heels. My horse threw me at a hedge, and I broke my collar-bone. In the +confinement that ensued gloomy ideas floated before me. I did not like +to be hanged; so I reasoned against my errors, and repented. I recovered +slowly, returned to town, and repaired to my cousin the bookseller. To +say truth, I had played him a little trick: collected some debts of his +by a mistake,--very natural in the confusion incident on my distresses. +However, he was extremely unkind about it; and the mistake, natural as it +was, had cost me his acquaintance. + +"I went now to him with the penitential aspect of the prodigal son; and, +faith, he would have not made a bad representation of the fatted calf +about to be killed on my return,--so corpulent looked he, and so +dejected! 'Graceless reprobate!' he began, 'your poor father is dead!' +I was exceedingly shocked; but--never fear, Paul, I am not about to be +pathetic. My father had divided his fortune among all his children; my +share was L500. The possession of this soon made my penitence seem much +more sincere in the eyes of my good cousin; and after a very pathetic +scene, he took me once more into favour. I now consulted with him as to +the best method of laying out my capital and recovering my character. We +could not devise any scheme at the first conference; but the second time +I saw him, my cousin said with a cheerful countenance: 'Cheer up, +Augustus, I have got thee a situation. Mr. Asgrave the banker will take +thee as a clerk. He is a most worthy man; and having a vast deal of +learning, he will respect thee for thy acquirements.' The same day I was +introduced to Mr. Asgrave, who was a little man with a fine, bald, +benevolent head; and after a long conversation which he was pleased to +hold with me, I became one of his quill-drivers. I don't know how it +was, but by little and little I rose in my master's good graces. I +propitiated him, I fancy, by disposing of my L500 according to his +advice; he laid it out for me, on what he said was famous security, on a +landed estate. Mr. Asgrave was of social habits,--he had a capital house +and excellent wines. As he was not very particular in his company, nor +ambitious of visiting the great, he often suffered me to make one of his +table, and was pleased to hold long arguments with me about the ancients. +I soon found out that my master was a great moral philosopher; and being +myself in weak health, sated with the ordinary pursuits of the world, in +which my experience had forestalled my years, and naturally of a +contemplative temperament, I turned my attention to the moral studies +which so fascinated my employer. I read through nine shelves full of +metaphysicians, and knew exactly the points in which those illustrious +thinkers quarrelled with each other, to the great advance of the science. +My master and I used to hold many a long discussion about the nature of +good and evil; as, by help of his benevolent forehead and a clear dogged +voice, he always seemed to our audience to be the wiser and better man of +the two, he was very well pleased with our disputes. This gentleman had +an only daughter,--an awful shrew, with a face like a hatchet but +philosophers overcome personal defects; and thinking only of the good her +wealth might enable me to do to my fellow-creatures, I secretly made love +to her. You will say that was playing my master but a scurvy trick for +his kindness. Not at all; my master himself had convinced me that there +was no such virtue as gratitude. It was an error of vulgar moralists. I +yielded to his arguments, and at length privately espoused his daughter. +The day after this took place, he summoned me to his study. 'So, +Augustus,' said he, very mildly, 'you have married my daughter: nay, +never look confused; I saw a long time ago that you were resolved to do +so, and I was very glad of it.' + +"I attempted to falter out something like thanks. 'Never interrupt me!' +said he. 'I had two reasons for being glad,--first, because my daughter +was the plague of my life, and I wanted some one to take her off my +hands; secondly, because I required your assistance on a particular +point, and I could not venture to ask it of any one but my son-in-law. +In fine, I wish to take you into partnership!' + +"'Partnership!' cried I, falling on my knees. 'Noble, generous man!' + +"'Stay a bit,' continued my father-in-law. 'What funds do you think +requisite for carrying on a bank? You look puzzled! Not a shilling! +You will put in just as much as I do. You will put in rather more; for +you once put in L500, which has been spent long ago. I don't put in a +shilling of my own. I live on my clients, and I very willingly offer you +half of them!' + +"Imagine, dear Paul, my astonishment, my dismay! I saw myself married to +a hideous shrew,--son-in-law to a penniless scoundrel, and cheated out of +my whole fortune! Compare this view of the question with that which had +blazed on me when I contemplated being son-in-law to the rich Mr. +Asgrave. I stormed at first. Mr. Asgrave took up Bacon 'On the +Advancement of Learning,' and made no reply till I was cooled by +explosion. You will perceive that when passion subsided, I necessarily +saw that nothing was left for me but adopting my father-in-law's +proposal. Thus, by the fatality which attended me at the very time I +meant to reform, I was forced into scoundrelism, and I was driven into +defrauding a vast number of persons by the accident of being son-in-law +to a great moralist. As Mr. Asgrave was an indolent man, who passed his +mornings in speculations on virtue, I was made the active partner. I +spent the day at the counting-house; and when I came home for recreation, +my wife scratched my eyes out." + +"But were you never recognized as 'the stranger' or 'the adventurer' in +your new capacity?" + +"No; for of course I assumed, in all my changes, both aliases and +disguises. And, to tell you the truth, my marriage so altered me that, +what with a snuff-coloured coat and a brown scratch wig, with a pen in my +right ear, I looked the very picture of staid respectability. My face +grew an inch longer every day. Nothing is so respectable as a long face; +and a subdued expression of countenance is the surest sign of commercial +prosperity. Well, we went on splendidly enough for about a year. +Meanwhile I was wonderfully improved in philosophy. You have no idea how +a scolding wife sublimes and rarefies one's intellect. Thunder clears +the air, you know! At length, unhappily for my fame (for I contemplated +a magnificent moral history of man, which, had she lived a year longer, +I should have completed), my wife died in child-bed. My father-in-law +and I were talking over the event, and finding fault with civilization +for the enervating habits by which women die of their children instead of +bringing them forth without being even conscious of the circumstance, +when a bit of paper, sealed awry, was given to my partner. He looked +over it, finished the discussion, and then told me our bank had stopped +payment. 'Now, Augustus,' said he, lighting his pipe with the bit of +paper, 'you see the good of having nothing to lose.' + +"We did not pay quite sixpence in the pound; but my partner was thought +so unfortunate that the British public raised a subscription for him, and +he retired on an annuity, greatly respected and very much compassionated. +As I had not been so well known as a moralist, and had not the +prepossessing advantage of a bald, benevolent head, nothing was done for +me, and I was turned once more on the wide world, to moralize on the +vicissitudes of fortune. My cousin the bookseller was no more, and his +son cut me. I took a garret in Warwick Court, and with a few books, my +only consolation, I endeavoured to nerve my mind to the future. It was +at this time, Paul, that my studies really availed me. I meditated much, +and I became a true philosopher, namely, a practical one. My actions +were henceforth regulated by principle; and at some time or other, I will +convince you that the road of true morals never avoids the pockets of +your neighbour. So soon as my mind had made the grand discovery which +Mr. Asgrave had made before me, that one should live according to a +system,--for if you do wrong, it is then your system that errs, not you, +--I took to the road, without any of those stings of conscience which had +hitherto annoyed me in such adventures. I formed one of a capital knot +of 'Free Agents,' whom I will introduce to you some day or other, and I +soon rose to distinction among them. But about six weeks ago, not less +than formerly preferring byways to highways, I attempted to possess +myself of a carriage, and sell it at discount. I was acquitted on the +felony, but sent hither by Justice Burnflat on the misdemeanour. Thus +far, my young friend, hath as yet proceeded the life of Augustus +Tomlinson." The history of this gentleman made a deep impression on +Paul. The impression was strengthened by the conversations subsequently +holden with Augustus. That worthy was a dangerous and subtle persuader. +He had really read a good deal of history, and something of morals; and +he had an ingenious way of defending his rascally practices by syllogisms +from the latter, and examples from the former. These theories he +clenched, as it were, by a reference to the existing politics of the day. +Cheaters of the public, on false pretences, he was pleased to term +"moderate Whigs;" bullying demanders of your purse were "high Tories;" +and thieving in gangs was "the effect of the spirit of party." There was +this difference between Augustus Tomlinson and Long Ned,--Ned was the +acting knave, Augustus the reasoning one; and we may see therefore, by a +little reflection, that Tomlinson was a far more perilous companion than +Pepper,--for showy theories are always more seductive to the young and +clever than suasive examples, and the vanity of the youthful makes them +better pleased by being convinced of a thing than by being enticed to it. + +A day or two after the narrative of Mr. Tomlinson, Paul was again visited +by Mrs. Lobkins,--for the regulations against frequent visitors were not +then so strictly enforced as we understand them to be now; and the good +dame came to deplore the ill-success of her interview with Justice +Burnflat. + +We spare the tender-hearted reader a detail of the affecting interview +that ensued. Indeed, it was but a repetition of the one we have before +narrated. We shall only say, as a proof of Paul's tenderness of heart, +that when he took leave of the good matron, and bade "God bless her," his +voice faltered, and the tears stood in his eyes,--just as they were wont +to do in the eyes of George the Third, when that excellent monarch was +pleased graciously to encore "God save the King!" + +"I'll be hanged," soliloquized our hero, as he slowly bent his course +towards the subtle Augustus,--"I'll be hanged (humph! the denunciation is +prophetic), if I don't feel as grateful to the old lady for her care of +me as if she had never ill-used me. As for my parents, I believe I have +little to be grateful for or proud of in that quarter. My poor mother, +by all accounts, seems scarcely to have had even the brute virtue of +maternal tenderness; and in all human likelihood I shall never know +whether I had one father or fifty. But what matters it? I rather like +the better to be independent; and, after all, what do nine tenths of us +ever get from our parents but an ugly name, and advice which, if we +follow, we are wretched, and if we neglect, we are disinherited?" + +Comforting himself with these thoughts, which perhaps took their +philosophical complexion from the conversations he had lately held with +Augustus, and which broke off into the muttered air of-- + +"Why should we quarrel for riches?" + +Paul repaired to his customary avocations. + +In the third week of our hero's captivity Tomlinson communicated to him a +plan of escape that had occurred to his sagacious brain. In the yard +appropriated to the amusements of the gentlemen "misdemeaning," there was +a water-pipe that, skirting the wall, passed over the door through which +every morning the pious captives passed in their way to the chapel. By +this Tomlinson proposed to escape; for to the pipe which reached from the +door to the wall, in a slanting and easy direction, there was a sort of +skirting-board; and a dexterous and nimble man might readily, by the help +of this board, convey himself along the pipe, until the progress of that +useful conductor (which was happily very brief) was stopped by the summit +of the wall, where it found a sequel in another pipe, that descended to +the ground on the opposite side of the wall. Now, on this opposite side +was the garden of the prison; in this garden was a watchman, and this +watchman was the hobgoblin of Tomlinson's scheme,--"For suppose us safe +in the garden," said he, "what shall we do with this confounded fellow?" + +"But that is not all," added Paul; "for even were there no watchman, +there is a terrible wall, which I noted especially last week, when we +were set to work in the garden, and which has no pipe, save a +perpendicular one, that a man must have the legs of a fly to be able to +climb!" + +"Nonsense!" returned Tomlinson; "I will show you how to climb the +stubbornest wall in Christendom, if one has but the coast clear. It is +the watchman, the watchman, we must--" + +"What?" asked Paul, observing his comrade did not conclude the sentence. + +It was some time before the sage Augustus replied; he then said in a +musing tone,-- + +"I have been thinking, Paul, whether it would be consistent with virtue, +and that strict code of morals by which all my actions are regulated, +to--slay the watchman!" + +"Good heavens!" cried Paul, horror-stricken. + +"And I have decided," continued Augustus, solemnly, without regard to the +exclamation, "that the action would be perfectly justifiable!" + +"Villain!" exclaimed Paul, recoiling to the other end of the stone box-- +for it was night--in which they were cooped. + +"But," pursued Augustus, who seemed soliloquizing, and whose voice, +sounding calm and thoughtful, like Young's in the famous monologue in +"Hamlet," denoted that he heeded not the uncourteous interruption,--"but +opinion does not always influence conduct; and although it may be +virtuous to murder the watchman, I have not the heart to do it. I trust +in my future history I shall not by discerning moralists be too severely +censured for a weakness for which my physical temperament is alone to +blame!" + +Despite the turn of the soliloquy, it was a long time before Paul could +be reconciled to further conversation with Augustus; and it was only from +the belief that the moralist had leaned to the jesting vein that he at +length resumed the consultation. + +The conspirators did not, however, bring their scheme that night to any +ultimate decision. The next day Augustus, Paul, and some others of the +company were set to work in the garden; and Paul then observed that his +friend, wheeling a barrow close by the spot where the watchman stood, +overturned its contents. The watchman was good-natured enough to assist +him in refilling the barrow; and Tomlinson profited so well by the +occasion that that night he informed Paul that they would have nothing to +dread from the watchman's vigilance. "He has promised," said Augustus, +"for certain consi-de-ra-tions, to allow me to knock him down; he has +also promised to be so much hurt as not to be able to move until we are +over the wall. Our main difficulty now, then, is the first step,-- +namely, to climb the pipe unperceived!" + +"As to that," said Paul, who developed, through the whole of the scheme, +organs of sagacity, boldness, and invention which charmed his friend, and +certainly promised well for his future career,--"as to that, I think we +may manage the first ascent with less danger than you imagine. The +mornings of late have been very foggy; they are almost dark at the hour +we go to chapel. Let you and I close the file: the pipe passes just +above the door; our hands, as we have tried, can reach it; and a spring +of no great agility will enable us to raise ourselves up to a footing on +the pipe and the skirting-board. + +"The climbing then is easy; and what with the dense fog and our own +quickness, I think we shall have little difficulty in gaining the garden. +The only precautions we need use are, to wait for a very dark morning, +and to be sure that we are the last of the file, so that no one behind +may give the alarm--" + +"Or attempt to follow our example, and spoil the pie by a superfluous +plum!" added Augustus. "You counsel admirably; and one of these days, if +you are not hung in the mean while, will, I venture to auger, be a great +logician." + +The next morning was clear and frosty; but the day after was, to use +Tomlinson's simile, "as dark as if all the negroes of Africa had been +stewed down into air." "You might have cut the fog with a knife," as the +proverb says. Paul and Augustus could not even see how significantly +each looked at the other. + +It was a remarkable trait of the daring temperament of the former, that, +young as he was, it was fixed that he should lead the attempt. At the +hour, then, for chapel the prisoners passed as usual through the door. +When it came to Paul's turn he drew himself by his hands to the pipe, and +then creeping along its sinuous course, gained the wall before he had +even fetched his breath. Rather more clumsily, Augustus followed his +friend's example. Once his foot slipped, and he was all but over. He +extended his hands involuntarily, and caught Paul by the leg. Happily +our hero had then gained the wall, to which he was clinging; and for once +in a way, one rogue raised himself without throwing over another. Behold +Tomlinson and Paul now seated for an instant on the wall to recover +breath; the latter then,--the descent to the ground was not very great, +--letting his body down by his hands, dropped into the garden. + +"Hurt?" asked the prudent Augustus, in a hoarse whisper, before he +descended from his "bad eminence," being even willing-- + + "To bear those ills he had, + Than fly to others that he knew not of" + +"No!" without taking every previous precaution in his power, was the +answer in the same voice, and Augustus dropped. + +So soon as this latter worthy had recovered the shock of his fall, he +lost not a moment in running to the other end of the garden. Paul +followed. By the way Tomlinson stopped at a heap of rubbish, and picked +up an immense stone. When they came to the part of the wall they had +agreed to scale, they found the watchman,--about whom they needed not, by +the by, to have concerned themselves; for had it not been arranged that +he was to have met them, the deep fog would have effectually prevented +him from seeing them. This faithful guardian Augustus knocked down, not +with a stone, but with ten guineas; he then drew forth from his dress a +thickish cord, which he procured some days before from the turnkey, and +fastening the stone firmly to one end, threw that end over the wall. Now +the wall had (as walls of great strength mostly have) an overhanging sort +of battlement on either side; and the stone, when flung over and drawn to +the tether of the cord to which it was attached, necessarily hitched +against this projection; and thus the cord was as it were fastened to the +wall, and Tomlinson was enabled by it to draw himself up to the top of +the barrier. He performed this feat with gymnastic address, like one who +had often practised it; albeit the discreet adventurer had not mentioned +in his narrative to Paul any previous occasion for the practice. As soon +as he had gained the top of the wall, he threw down the cord to his +companion, and, in consideration of Paul's inexperience in that manner of +climbing, gave the fastening of the rope an additional security by +holding it himself. With slowness and labour Paul hoisted himself up; +and then, by transferring the stone to the other side of the wall, where +it made of course a similar hitch, our two adventurers were enabled +successively to slide down, and consummate their escape from the House of +Correction. + +"Follow me now!" said Augustus, as he took to his heels; and Paul pursued +him through a labyrinth of alleys and lanes, through which he shot and +dodged with a variable and shifting celerity that, had not Paul kept +close upon him, would very soon, combined with the fog, have snatched him +from the eyes of his young ally. Happily the immaturity of the morning, +the obscurity of the streets passed through, and above all, the extreme +darkness of the atmosphere, prevented that detection and arrest which +their prisoner's garb would otherwise have insured them. At length they +found themselves in the fields; and skulking along hedges, and diligently +avoiding the highroad, they continued to fly onward, until they had +advanced several miles into "the bowels of the land." At that time "the +bowels" of Augustus Tomlinson began to remind him of their demands; and +he accordingly suggested the desirability of their seizing the first +peasant they encountered, and causing him to exchange clothes with one of +the fugitives, who would thus be enabled to enter a public-house and +provide for their mutual necessities. Paul agreed to this proposition, +and accordingly they watched their opportunity and caught a ploughman. +Augustus stripped him of his frock, hat, and worsted stockings; and Paul, +hardened by necessity and companionship, helped to tie the poor ploughman +to a tree. They then continued their progress for about an hour, and, as +the shades of evening fell around them, they discovered a public-house. +Augustus entered, and returned in a few minutes laden with bread and +cheese, and a bottle of beer. Prison fare cures a man of daintiness, +and the two fugitives dined on these homely viands with considerable +complacency. They then resumed their journey, and at length, wearied +with exertion, they arrived at a lonely haystack, where they resolved to +repose for an hour or two. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + Unlike the ribald, whose licentious jest + Pollutes his banquet, and insults his guest, + From wealth and grandeur easy to descend, + Thou joy'st to lose the master in the friend. + We round thy board the cheerful menials see, Gay-- + with the smile of bland equality; + No social care the gracious lord disdains; + Love prompts to love, and reverence reverence gains. + + Translation of LUCAN to Paso, + Prefixed to the Twelfth Paper of "The Rambler." + +Coyly shone down the bashful stars upon our adventurers, as, after a +short nap behind the haystack, they stretched themselves, and looking at +each other, burst into an involuntary and hilarious laugh at the +prosperous termination of their exploit. + +Hitherto they had been too occupied, first by their flight, then by +hunger, then by fatigue, for self-gratulation; now they rubbed their +hands, and joked like runaway schoolboys at their escape. + +By degrees their thoughts turned from the past to the future; and "Tell +me, my dear fellow," said Augustus, "what you intend to do. I trust I +have long ago convinced you that it is no sin 'to serve our friends' and +to 'be true to our party;' and therefore, I suppose, you will decide upon +taking to the road." + +"It is very odd," answered Paul, "that I should have any scruples left +after your lectures on the subject; but I own to you frankly that, +somehow or other, I have doubts whether thieving be really the honestest +profession I could follow." + +"Listen to me, Paul," answered Augustus; and his reply is not unworthy of +notice. "All crime and all excellence depend upon a good choice of +words. I see you look puzzled; I will explain. If you take money from +the public, and say you have robbed, you have indubitably committed a +great crime; but if you do the same, and say you have been relieving the +necessities of the poor, you have done an excellent action. If, in +afterwards dividing this money with your companions, you say you have +been sharing booty, you have committed an offence against the laws of +your country; but if you observe that you have been sharing with your +friends the gains of your industry, you have been performing one of the +noblest actions of humanity. To knock a man on the head is neither +virtuous nor guilty, but it depends upon the language applied to the +action to make it murder or glory. Why not say, then, that you have +testified the courage of a hero, rather than the atrocity of a ruffian? +This is perfectly clear, is it not?" + + [We observe in a paragraph from an American paper, copied without + comment into the "Morning Chronicle," a singular proof of the truth + of Tomlinson's philosophy! "Mr. Rowland Stephenson," so runs the + extract, "the celebrated English banker, has just purchased a + considerable tract of land," etc. Most philosophical of + paragraphists! "Celebrated English banker!"--that sentence is a + better illustration of verbal fallacies than all Ben tham's + treatises put together. "Celebrated!" O Mercury, what a dexterous + epithet!] + +"It seems so," answered Paul. + +"It is so self-evident that it is the way all governments are carried on. +Wherefore, my good Paul, we only do what all other legislators do. We +are never rogues so long as we call ourselves honest fellows, and we +never commit a crime so long as we can term it a virtue. What say you +now?" + +Paul smiled, and was silent a few moments before he replied: "There is +very little doubt but that you are wrong; yet if you are, so are all the +rest of the world. It is of no use to be the only white sheep of the +flock. Wherefore, my dear Tomlinson, I will in future be an excellent +citizen, relieve the necessities of the poor, and share the gains of my +industry with my friends." + +"Bravo!" cried Tomlinson. "And now that that is settled, the sooner you +are inaugurated the better. Since the starlight has shone forth, I see +that I am in a place I ought to be very well acquainted with; or, if you +like to be suspicious, you may believe that I have brought you purposely +in this direction. But first let me ask if you feel any great desire to +pass the night by this haystack, or whether you would like a song and the +punchbowl almost as much as the open air, with the chance of being eaten +up in a pinch of hay by some strolling cow." + +"You may conceive my choice," answered Paul. + +"Well, then, there is an excellent fellow near here, who keeps a public- +house, and is a firm ally and generous patron of the lads of the cross. +At certain periods they hold weekly meetings at his house: this is one of +the nights. What say you? Shall I introduce you to the club?" + +"I shall be very glad if they will admit me," returned Paul, whom many +and conflicting thoughts rendered laconic. + +"Oh! no fear of that, under my auspices. To tell you the truth, though +we are a tolerant set, we welcome every new proselyte with enthusiasm. +But are you tired?" + +"A little; the house is not far, you say?" + +"About a mile off," answered Tomlinson. "Lean on me." + +Our wanderers now, leaving the haystack, struck across part of Finchley +Common; for the abode of the worthy publican was felicitously situated, +and the scene in which his guests celebrated their festivities was close +by that on which they often performed their exploits. + +As they proceeded, Paul questioned his friend touching the name and +character of "mine host;" and the all-knowing Augustus Tomlinson answered +him, Quaker-like, by a question,-- + +"Have you never heard of Gentleman George?" + +"What! the noted head of a flash public-house in the country? To be +sure I have, often; my poor nurse, Dame Lobkins, used to say he was the +best-spoken man in the trade!" + +"Ay, so he is still. In his youth, George was a very handsome fellow, +but a little too fond of his lass and his bottle to please his father,--a +very staid old gentleman, who walked about on Sundays in a bob-wig and a +gold-headed cane, and was a much better farmer on week-days than he was +head of a public-house. George used to be a remarkably smart-dressed +fellow, and so he is to this day. He has a great deal of wit, is a very +good whist-player, has a capital cellar, and is so fond of seeing his +friends drunk, that he bought some time ago a large pewter measure in +which six men can stand upright. The girls, or rather the old women, to +which last he used to be much more civil of the two, always liked him; +they say nothing is so fine as his fine speeches, and they give him the +title of 'Gentleman George.' He is a nice, kind-hearted man in many +things. Pray Heaven we shall have no cause to miss him when he departs! +But, to tell you the truth, he takes more than his share of our common +purse." + +"What! is he avaricious?" + +"Quite the reverse; but he's so cursedly fond of building, he invests all +his money (and wants us to invest all ours) in houses; and there's one +confounded dog of a bricklayer who runs him up terrible bills,--a fellow +called 'Cunning Nat,' who is equally adroit in spoiling ground and +improving ground rent." + +"What do you mean?" + +"Ah! thereby hangs a tale. But we are near the place now; you will see +a curious set." + +As Tomlinson said this, the pair approached a house standing alone, and +seemingly without any other abode in the vicinity. It was of curious and +grotesque shape, painted white, with a Gothic chimney, a Chinese sign- +post (on which was depicted a gentleman fishing, with the words "The +Jolly Angler" written beneath), and a porch that would have been Grecian +if it had not been Dutch. It stood in a little field, with a hedge +behind it, and the common in front. Augustus stopped at the door; and +while he paused, bursts of laughter rang cheerily within. + +"Ah, the merry boys!" he muttered; "I long to be with them;" and then +with his clenched fist he knocked four times on the door. There was a +sudden silence which lasted about a minute, and was broken by a voice +within, asking who was there. Tomlinson answered by some cabalistic +word; the door was opened, and a little boy presented himself. + +"Well, my lad," said Augustus, "and how is your master? Stout and +hearty, if I may judge by his voice." + +"Ay, Master Tommy, ay, he's boosing away at a fine rate, in the back- +parlour, with Mr. Pepper and Fighting Attie, and half-a-score more of +them. He'll be woundy glad to see you, I'll be bound." + +"Show this gentleman into the bar," rejoined Augustus, "while I go and +pay my respects to honest Geordie." + +The boy made a sort of a bow, and leading our hero into the bar, +consigned him to the care of Sal, a buxom barmaid, who reflected credit +on the taste of the landlord, and who received Paul with marked +distinction and a gill of brandy. + +Paul had not long to play the amiable, before Tomlinson rejoined him with +the information that Gentleman George would be most happy to see him in +the back-parlour, and that he would there find an old friend in the +person of Mr. Pepper. + +"What! is he here?" cried Paul. "The sorry knave, to let me be caged in +his stead!" + +"Gently, gently; no misapplication of terms!" said Augustus. "That was +not knavery; that was prudence, the greatest of all virtues, and the +rarest. But come along, and Pepper shall explain to-morrow." + +Threading a gallery or passage, Augustus preceded our hero, opened a +door, and introduced him into a long low apartment, where sat, round a +table spread with pipes and liquor, some ten or a dozen men, while at the +top of the table, in an armchair, presided Gentleman George. That +dignitary was a portly and comely gentleman, with a knowing look, and a +Welsh wig, worn, as the "Morning Chronicle" says of his Majesty's hat, +"in a _degage_ manner, on one side." Being afflicted with the gout, his +left foot reclined on a stool; and the attitude developed, despite of a +lamb's-wool stocking, the remains of an exceedingly good leg. + +As Gentleman George was a person of majestic dignity among the Knights of +the Cross, we trust we shall not be thought irreverent in applying a few +of the words by which the aforesaid "Morning Chronicle" depicted his +Majesty on the day he laid the first stone of his father's monument to +the description of Gentleman George. + +"He had on a handsome blue coat and a white waistcoat;" moreover, "he +laughed most good-humouredly," as, turning to Augustus Tomlinson, he +saluted him with,-- + +"So this is the youngster you present to us? Welcome to the Jolly +Angler! Give us thy hand, young sir; I shall be happy to blow a cloud +with thee." + +"With all due submission," said Mr. Tomlinson, "I think it may first be +as well to introduce my pupil and friend to his future companions." + +"You speak like a leary cove," cried Gentleman George, still squeezing +our hero's hand; and turning round in his elbow-chair, he pointed to each +member, as he severally introduced his guests to Paul. + +"Here," said he,--"here's a fine chap at my right hand" (the person thus +designated was a thin military-looking figure, in a shabby riding-frock, +and with a commanding, bold, aquiline countenance, a little the worse for +wear),--"here's a fine chap for you! Fighting Attie we calls him; he's a +devil on the road. 'Halt,--deliver,--must and shall,--can't and sha' +n't,--do as I bid you, or go to the devil!' That's all Fighting Attie's +palaver; and, 'Sdeath, it has a wonderful way of coming to the point! A +famous cull is my friend Attie,--an old soldier,--has seen the world, and +knows what is what; has lots of gumption, and devil a bit of blarney. +Howsomever, the highflyers does n't like him; and when he takes people's +money, he need not be quite so cross about it. Attie, let me introduce a +new pal to you." Paul made his bow. + +"Stand at ease, man!" quoth the veteran, without taking the pipe from his +mouth. + +Gentleman George then continued; and after pointing out four or five of +the company (among whom our hero discovered, to his surprise, his old +friends Mr. Eustace Fitzherbert and Mr. William Howard Russell), came, at +length, to one with a very red face and a lusty frame of body. "That +gentleman," said he, "is Scarlet Jem; a dangerous fellow for a press, +though he says he likes robbing alone now, for a general press is not +half such a good thing as it used to be formerly. You have no idea what +a hand at disguising himself Scarlet Jem is. He has an old wig which he +generally does business in; and you would not go for to know him again +when he conceals himself under the wig. Oh, he's a precious rogue, is +Scarlet Jem! As for the cove on t' other side," continued the host of +the Jolly Angler, pointing to Long Ned, "all I can say of him, good, bad, +or indifferent, is that he has an unkimmon fine head of hair; and now, +youngster, as you knows him, s'pose you goes and sits by him, and he'll +introduce you to the rest; for, split my wig!" (Gentleman George was a +bit of a swearer) "if I be n't tired; and so here's to your health; and +if so be as your name's Paul, may you always rob Peter [a portmanteau] in +order to pay Paul!" + +This witticism of mine host's being exceedingly well received, Paul went, +amidst the general laughter, to take possession of the vacant seat beside +Long Ned. That tall gentleman, who had hitherto been cloud-compelling +(as Homer calls Jupiter) in profound silence, now turned to Paul with the +warmest cordiality, declared himself overjoyed to meet his old friend +once more, and congratulated him alike on his escape from Bridewell and +his admission to the councils of Gentleman George. But Paul, mindful of +that exertion of "prudence" on the part of Mr. Pepper by which he had +been left to his fate and the mercy of Justice Burnflat, received his +advances very sullenly. This coolness so incensed Ned, who was naturally +choleric, that he turned his back on our hero, and being of an +aristocratic spirit, muttered something about "upstart, and vulgar +clyfakers being admitted to the company of swell tobymen." This murmur +called all Paul's blood into his cheek; for though he had been punished +as a clyfaker (or pickpocket), nobody knew better than Long Ned whether +or not he was innocent; and a reproach from him came therefore with +double injustice and severity. In his wrath he seized Mr. Pepper by the +ear, and telling him he was a shabby scoundrel, challenged him to fight. + +So pleasing an invitation not being announced sotto voce, but in a tone +suited to the importance of the proposition, every one around heard it; +and before Long Ned could answer, the full voice of Gentleman George +thundered forth,-- + +"Keep the peace there, you youngster! What! are you just admitted into +our merry-makings, and must you be wrangling already? Harkye, gemmen, I +have been plagued enough with your quarrels before now; and the first +cove as breaks the present quiet of the Jolly Angler shall be turned out +neck and crop,--sha' n't he, Attie?" + +"Right about, march!" said the hero. + +"Ay, that's the word, Attie," said Gentleman George. "And now, Mr. +Pepper, if there be any ill blood 'twixt you and the lad there, wash it +away in a bumper of bingo, and let's hear no more whatsomever about it." + +"I'm willing," cried Long Ned, with the deferential air of a courtier, +and holding out his hand to Paul. Our hero, being somewhat abashed by +the novelty of his situation and the rebuke of Gentleman George, +accepted, though with some reluctance, the proffered courtesy. + +Order being thus restored, the conversation of the convivialists began to +assume a most fascinating bias. They talked with infinite gout of the +sums they had levied on the public, and the peculations they had +committed for what one called the good of the community, and another, the +established order,--meaning themselves. It was easy to see in what +school the discerning Augustus Tomlinson had learned the value of words. + +There was something edifying in hearing the rascals! So nice was their +language, and so honest their enthusiasm for their own interests, you +might have imagined you were listening to a coterie of cabinet ministers +conferring on taxes or debating on perquisites. + +"Long may the Commons flourish!" cried punning Georgie, filling his +glass; "it is by the commons we're fed, and may they never know +cultivation!" + +"Three times three!" shouted Long Ned; and the toast was drunk as Mr. +Pepper proposed. + +"A little moderate cultivation of the commons, to speak frankly," said +Augustus Tomlinson, modestly, "might not be amiss; for it would decoy +people into the belief that they might travel safely; and, after all, a +hedge or a barley-field is as good for us as a barren heath, where we +have no shelter if once pursued!" + +"You talks nonsense, you spooney!" cried a robber of note, called +Bagshot; who, being aged and having been a lawyer's footboy, was +sometimes denominated "Old Bags." "You talks nonsense; these innowating +ploughs are the ruin of us. Every blade of corn in a common is an +encroachment on the constitution and rights of the gemmen highwaymen. +I'm old, and may n't live to see these things; but, mark my words, a time +will come when a man may go from Lunnun to Johnny Groat's without losing +a penny by one of us; when Hounslow will be safe, and Finchley secure. +My eyes, what a sad thing for us that'll be!" + +The venerable old man became suddenly silent, and the tears started to +his eyes. Gentleman George had a great horror of blue devils, and +particularly disliked all disagreeable subjects. + +"Thunder and oons, Old Bags!" quoth mine host of the Jolly Angler, "this +will never do; we're all met here to be merry, and not to listen to your +mullancolly taratarantarums. I says, Ned Pepper, s'pose you tips us a +song, and I'll beat time with my knuckles." + +Long Ned, taking the pipe from his mouth, attempted, like Walter Scott's +Lady Heron, one or two pretty excuses; these being drowned by a universal +shout, the handsome purloiner gave the following song, to the tune of +"Time has not thinned my flowing hair." + + LONG NED'S SONG. + + Oh, if my hands adhere to cash, + My gloves at least are clean, + And rarely have the gentry flash + In sprucer clothes been seen. + + Sweet Public, since your coffers must + Afford our wants relief, + Oh! soothes it not to yield the dust + To such a charming thief? + +"'And John may laugh at mine,'--excellent!" cried Gentleman George, +lighting his pipe, and winking at Attie; "I hears as how you be a famous +fellow with the lasses." + +Ned smiled and answered, "No man should boast; but--" Pepper paused +significantly, and then glancing at Attie, said, "Talking of lasses, it +is my turn to knock down a gentleman for a song, and I knock down +Fighting Attie." + +"I never sing," said the warrior. + +"Treason, treason!" cried Pepper. "It is the law, and you must obey the +law; so begin." + +"It is true, Attie," said Gentleman George. + +There was no appeal from the honest publican's fiat; so, in a quick and +laconic manner, it being Attie's favourite dogma that the least said is +the soonest mended, the warrior sung as follows:-- + + FIGHTING ATTIE'S SONG. + + Air: "He was famed for deeds of arms." + + I never robbed a single coach + But with a lover's air; + And though you might my course reproach, + You never could my hair. + + Rise at six, dine at two, + Rob your man without ado, + Such my maxims; if you doubt + Their wisdom, to the right-about! + +( Signing to a sallow gentleman on the same side of the table to send up +the brandy bowl.) + + Pass round the bingo,--of a gun, + You musty, dusky, husky son! 1 + John Bull, who loves a harmless joke, + Is apt at me to grin; + But why be cross with laughing folk, + Unless they laugh and win? + John Bull has money in his box; + And though his wit's divine, + Yet let me laugh at Johnny's locks, + And John may laugh at mine + + [Much of whatever amusement might be occasioned by the not (we + trust) ill-natured travesties of certain eminent characters in this + part of our work when first published, like all political allusions, + loses point and becomes obscure as the applications cease to be + familiar. It is already necessary, perhaps, to say that Fighting + Attie herein typifies or illustrates the Duke of Wellington's abrupt + dismissal of Mr. Huskisson.] + + THE SALLOW GENTLEMAN (in a hoarse voice). + + Attie, the bingo's now with me; + I can't resign it yet, d' ye see! + + ATTIE (seizing the bowl). + + Resign, resign it,--cease your dust! + (Wresting it away and fiercely regarding the sallow gentleman.) + You have resigned it, and you must. + + CHORUS. + + You have resigned it, and you must. + + +While the chorus, laughing at the discomfited tippler, yelled forth the +emphatic words of the heroic Attie, that personage emptied the brandy at +a draught, resumed his pipe, and in as few words as possible called on +Bagshot for a song. The excellent old highwayman, with great diffidence, +obeyed the request, cleared his throat, and struck off with a ditty +somewhat to the tune of "The Old Woman." + + OLD BAGS'S SONG. + + Are the days then gone, when on Hounslow Heath + We flashed our nags, + When the stoutest bosoms quailed beneath + The voice of Bags? + Ne'er was my work half undone, lest I should be nabbed + Slow was old Bags, but he never ceased + Till the whole was grabbed. + + CHORUS. Till the whole was grabbed. + + When the slow coach paused, and the gemmen stormed, + I bore the brunt; + And the only sound which my grave lips formed + Was "blunt,"--still "blunt"! + + Oh, those jovial days are ne'er forgot! + But the tape lags-- + When I be's dead, you'll drink one pot + To poor old Bags! + + CHORUS. To poor old Bags! + +"Ay, that we will, my dear Bagshot," cried Gentleman George, +affectionately; but observing a tear in the fine old fellow's eye, +he added: "Cheer up! What, ho! cheer up! Times will improve, and +Providence may yet send us one good year, when you shall be as well off +as ever. You shakes your poll. Well, don't be humdurgeoned, but knock +down a gemman." + +Dashing away the drop of sensibility, the veteran knocked down Gentleman +George himself. + +"Oh, dang it!" said George, with an air of dignity, "I ought to skip, +since I finds the lush; but howsomever here goes." + + GENTLEMAN GEORGE'S SONG. + + Air: "Old King Cole." + + I be's the cove, the merry old cove, + Of whose max all the rufflers sing; + And a lushing cove, I thinks, by Jove, + Is as great as a sober king! + + CHORUS. Is as great as a sober king! + + Whatever the noise as is made by the boys + At the bar as they lush away, + The devil a noise my peace alloys + As long as the rascals pay! + + CHORUS. As long as the rascals pay! + + What if I sticks my stones and my bricks + With mortar I takes from the snobbish? + All who can feel for the public weal + Likes the public-house to be bobbish. + + CHORUS. Likes the public-house to be bobbish. + +"There, gemmen!" said the publican, stopping short, "that's the pith of +the matter, and split my wig but I'm short of breath now. So send round +the brandy, Augustus; you sly dog, you keeps it all to yourself." + +By this time the whole conclave were more than half-seas over, or, as +Augustus Tomlinson expressed it, "their more austere qualities were +relaxed by a pleasing and innocent indulgence." Paul's eyes reeled, and +his tongue ran loose. By degrees the room swam round, the faces of his +comrades altered, the countenance of Old Bags assumed an awful and +menacing air. He thought Long Ned insulted him, and that Old Bags took +the part of the assailant, doubled his fist, and threatened to put the +plaintiff's nob into chancery if he disturbed the peace of the meeting. +Various other imaginary evils beset him. He thought he had robbed a +mail-coach in company with Pepper; that Tomlinson informed against him, +and that Gentleman George ordered him to be hanged; in short, he laboured +under a temporary delirium, occasioned by a sudden reverse of fortune,-- +from water to brandy; and the last thing of which he retained any +recollection, before he sank under the table, in company with Long Ned, +Scarlet Jem, and Old Bags, was the bearing his part in the burden of what +appeared to him a chorus of last dying speeches and confessions, but what +in reality was a song made in honour of Gentleman George, and sung by his +grateful guests as a finale of the festivities. It ran thus:-- + + THE ROBBER'S GRAND TOAST. + + A tumbler of blue ruin, fill, fill for me! + Red tape those as likes it may drain; + But whatever the lush, it a bumper must be, + If we ne'er drinks a bumper again! + Now--now in the crib, where a ruffler may lie, + Without fear that the traps should distress him, + With a drop in the mouth, and a drop in the eye, + Here's to Gentleman George,--God bless him! + God bless him, God bless him! + Here's to Gentleman George,--God bless him! + + 'Mong the pals of the prince I have heard it's the go, + Before they have tippled enough, + To smarten their punch with the best curagoa, + More conish to render the stuff. + I boast not such lush; but whoever his glass + Does not like, I'll be hanged if I press him! + Upstanding, my kiddies,--round, round let it pass! + Here's to Gentleman George,--God bless him! + God bless him, God bless him! + Here's to Gentleman George,-God bless him! + + See, see, the fine fellow grows weak on his stumps; + Assist him, ye rascals, to stand! + Why, ye stir not a peg! Are you all in the dumps? + Fighting Attie, go, lend him a hand! + +(The robbers crowd around Gentleman George, each, under pretence of +supporting him, pulling him first one way and then another.) + + Come, lean upon me,--at your service I am! + Get away from his elbow, you whelp! him + You'll only upset,--them 'ere fellows but sham! + Here's to Gentleman George,--God help him! + God help him, God help him! + Here's to Gentleman George, God help him! + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + I boast no song in magic wonders rife; + But yet, O Nature! is there nought to prize, + Familiar in thy bosom scenes of life? + And dwells in daylight truth's salubrious skies + No form with which the soul may sympathize? + Young, innocent, on whose sweet forehead mild + The parted ringlet shone in simplest guise, + An inmate in the home of Albert smiled, + Or blessed his noonday walk,--she was his only child. + + Gertrude of Wyoming. + +O time, thou hast played strange tricks with us; and we bless the stars +that made us a novelist, and permit us now to retaliate. Leaving Paul to +the instructions of Augustus Tomlinson and the festivities of the Jolly +Angler, and suffering him, by slow but sure degrees, to acquire the +graces and the reputation of the accomplished and perfect appropriator of +other men's possessions, we shall pass over the lapse of years with the +same heedless rapidity with which they have glided over us, and summon +our reader to a very different scene from those which would be likely to +greet his eyes, were he following the adventures of our new Telemachus. +Nor wilt thou, dear reader, whom we make the umpire between ourself and +those who never read,--the critics; thou who hast, in the true spirit of +gentle breeding, gone with us among places where the novelty of the scene +has, we fear, scarcely atoned for the coarseness, not giving thyself the +airs of a dainty abigail,--not prating, lacquey-like, on the low company +thou has met,--nor wilt thou, dear and friendly reader, have cause to +dread that we shall weary thy patience by a "damnable iteration" of the +same localities. Pausing for a moment to glance over the divisions of +our story, which lies before us like a map, we feel that we may promise +in future to conduct thee among aspects of society more familiar to thy +habits; where events flow to their allotted gulf through landscapes of +more pleasing variety and among tribes of a more luxurious civilization. + +Upon the banks of one of fair England's fairest rivers, and about fifty +miles distant from London, still stands an old-fashioned abode, which we +shall here term Warlock Manorhouse. It is a building of brick, varied by +stone copings, and covered in great part with ivy and jasmine. Around it +lie the ruins of the elder part of the fabric; and these are sufficiently +numerous in extent and important in appearance to testify that the +mansion was once not without pretensions to the magnificent. These +remains of power, some of which bear date as far back as the reign of +Henry the Third, are sanctioned by the character of the country +immediately in the vicinity of the old manor-house. A vast tract of +waste land, interspersed with groves of antique pollards, and here and +there irregular and sinuous ridges of green mound, betoken to the +experienced eye the evidence of a dismantled chase or park, which must +originally have been of no common dimensions. On one side of the house +the lawn slopes towards the river, divided from a terrace, which forms +the most important embellishment of the pleasure-grounds, by that fence +to which has been given the ingenious and significant name of "ha-ha!" +A few scattered trees of giant growth are the sole obstacles that break +the view of the river, which has often seemed to us, at that particular +passage of its course, to glide with unusual calmness and serenity. +On the opposite side of the stream there is a range of steep hills, +celebrated for nothing more romantic than their property of imparting to +the flocks that browse upon that short and seemingly stinted herbage a +flavour peculiarly grateful to the lovers of that pastoral animal which +changes its name into mutton after its decease. Upon these hills the +vestige of human habitation is not visible; and at times, when no boat +defaces the lonely smoothness of the river, and the evening has stilled +the sounds of labour and of life, we know few scenes so utterly tranquil, +so steeped in quiet, as that which is presented by the old, quaint- +fashioned house and its antique grounds,--the smooth lawn, the silent, +and (to speak truly, though disparagingly) the somewhat sluggish river, +together with the large hills (to which we know, from simple though +metaphysical causes, how entire an idea of quiet and immovability +peculiarly attaches itself), and the white flocks,--those most peaceful +of God's creatures,--that in fleecy clusters stud the ascent. + +In Warlock House, at the time we refer to, lived a gentleman of the name +of Brandon. He was a widower, and had attained his fiftieth year without +casting much regret on the past or feeling much anxiety for the future. +In a word, Joseph Brandon was one of those careless, quiescent, +indifferent men, by whom a thought upon any subject is never recurred to +without a very urgent necessity. He was good-natured, inoffensive, and +weak; and if he was not an incomparable citizen, he was at least an +excellent vegetable. He was of a family of high antiquity, and formerly +of considerable note. For the last four or five generations, however, +the proprietors of Warlock House, gradually losing something alike from +their acres and their consequence, had left to their descendants no +higher rank than that of a small country squire. One had been a +Jacobite, and had drunk out half-a-dozen farms in honour of Charley over +the water; Charley over the water was no very dangerous person, but +Charley over the wine was rather more ruinous. The next Brandon had been +a fox-hunter, and fox-hunters live as largely as patriotic politicians. +Pausanias tells us that the same people; who were the most notorious for +their love of wine were also the most notorious for their negligence of +affairs. Times are not much altered since Pausanias wrote, and the +remark holds as good with the English as it did with the Phigalei. After +this Brandon came one who, though he did not scorn the sportsman, rather +assumed the fine gentleman. He married an heiress, who of course +assisted to ruin him; wishing no assistance in so pleasing an occupation, +he overturned her (perhaps not on purpose), in a new sort of carriage +which he was learning to drive, and the good lady was killed on the spot. +She left the fine gentleman two sons,--Joseph Brandon, the present +thane,--and a brother some years younger. The elder, being of a fitting +age, was sent to school, and somewhat escaped the contagion of the +paternal mansion. But the younger Brandon, having only reached his fifth +year at the time of his mother's decease, was retained at home. Whether +he was handsome or clever or impertinent, or like his father about the +eyes (that greatest of all merits), we know not; but the widower became +so fond of him that it was at a late period and with great reluctance +that he finally intrusted him to the providence of a school. + +Among harlots and gamblers and lords and sharpers, and gentlemen of the +guards, together with their frequent accompaniments,--guards of the +gentlemen, namely, bailiffs,--William Brandon passed the first stage of +his boyhood. He was about thirteen when he was sent to school; and being +a boy of remarkable talents, he recovered lost time so well that when at +the age of nineteen he adjourned to the University, he had scarcely +resided there a single term before he had borne off two of the highest +prizes awarded to academical merit. From the University he departed on +the "grand tour," at that time thought so necessary to complete the +gentleman; he went in company with a young nobleman, whose friendship he +had won at the University, stayed abroad more than two years, and on his +return he settled down to the profession of the law. + +Meanwhile his father died, and his fortune, as a younger brother, being +literally next to nothing, and the family estate (for his brother was not +unwilling to assist him) being terribly involved, it was believed that he +struggled for some years with very embarrassed and penurious +circumstances. During this interval of his life, however, he was absent +from London, and by his brother supposed to have returned to the +Continent; at length, it seems, he profited by a renewal of his +friendship with the young nobleman who had accompanied him abroad, +reappeared in town, and obtained through his noble friend one or two +legal appointments of reputable emolument. Soon afterwards he got a +brief on some cause where a major had been raising a corps to his brother +officer, with the better consent of the brother-officer's wife than of +the brother officer himself. Brandon's abilities here, for the first +time in his profession, found an adequate vent; his reputation seemed +made at once, he rose rapidly in his profession, and, at the time we now +speak of, he was sailing down the full tide of fame and wealth, the envy +and the oracle of all young Templars and barristers, who, having been +starved themselves for ten years, began now to calculate on the +possibility of starving their clients. At an early period in his career +he had, through the good offices of the nobleman we have mentioned, +obtained a seat in the House of Commons; and though his eloquence was +of an order much better suited to the bar than the senate, he had +nevertheless acquired a very considerable reputation in the latter, and +was looked upon by many as likely to win to the same brilliant fortunes +as the courtly Mansfield,--a great man, whose political principles and +urbane address Brandon was supposed especially to affect as his own +model. Of unblemished integrity in public life,--for, as he supported +all things that exist with the most unbending rigidity, he could not be +accused of inconsistency,--William Brandon was (as we have said in a +former place of unhappy memory to our hero) esteemed in private life the +most honourable, the most moral, even the most austere of men; and his +grave and stern repute on this score, joined to the dazzle of his +eloquence and forensic powers, had baffled in great measure the rancour +of party hostility, and obtained for him a character for virtues almost +as high and as enviable as that which he had acquired for abilities. + +While William was thus treading a noted and an honourable career, his +elder brother, who had married into a clergyman's family, and soon lost +his consort, had with his only child, a daughter named Lucy, resided in +his paternal mansion in undisturbed obscurity. The discreditable +character and habits of the preceding lords of Warlock, which had sunk +their respectability in the county as well as curtailed their property, +had rendered the surrounding gentry little anxious to cultivate the +intimacy of the present proprietor; and the heavy mind and retired +manners of Joseph Brandon were not calculated to counterbalance the +faults of his forefathers, nor to reinstate the name of Brandon in its +ancient popularity and esteem. Though dull and little cultivated, the +squire was not without his "proper pride;" he attempted not to intrude +himself where he was unwelcome, avoided county meetings and county balls, +smoked his pipe with the parson, and not unoften with the surgeon and the +solicitor, and suffered his daughter Lucy to educate herself with the +help of the parson's wife, and to ripen (for Nature was more favourable +to her than Art) into the very prettiest girl that the whole county--we +long to say the whole country--at that time could boast of. Never did +glass give back a more lovely image than that of Lucy Brandon at the age +of nineteen. Her auburn hair fell in the richest luxuriance over a brow +never ruffled, and a cheek where the blood never slept; with every +instant the colour varied, and at every variation that smooth, pure; +virgin cheek seemed still more lovely than before. She had the most +beautiful laugh that one who loved music could imagine,--silvery, low, +and yet so full of joy! All her movements, as the old parson said, +seemed to keep time to that laugh, for mirth made a great part of her +innocent and childish temper; and yet the mirth was feminine, never loud, +nor like that of young ladies who had received the last finish at +Highgate seminaries. Everything joyous affected her, and at once,--air, +flowers, sunshine, butterflies. Unlike heroines in general, she very +seldom cried, and she saw nothing charming in having the vapours. But +she never looked so beautiful as in sleep; and as the light breath came +from her parted lips, and the ivory lids closed over those eyes which +only in sleep were silent,--and her attitude in her sleep took that +ineffable grace belonging solely to childhood, or the fresh youth into +which childhood merges,--she was just what you might imagine a sleeping +Margaret, before that most simple and gentle of all a poet's visions of +womanhood had met with Faust, or her slumbers been ruffled with a dream +of love. + +We cannot say much for Lucy's intellectual acquirements; she could, +thanks to the parson's wife, spell indifferently well, and write a +tolerable hand; she made preserves, and sometimes riddles,--it was more +difficult to question the excellence of the former than to answer the +queries of the latter. She worked to the admiration of all who knew her, +and we beg leave to say that we deem that "an excellent thing in woman." +She made caps for herself and gowns for the poor, and now and then she +accomplished the more literary labour of a stray novel that had wandered +down to the Manorhouse, or an abridgment of ancient history, in which was +omitted everything but the proper names. To these attainments she added +a certain modicum of skill upon the spinet, and the power of singing old +songs with the richest and sweetest voice that ever made one's eyes +moisten or one's heart beat. + +Her moral qualities were more fully developed than her mental. She was +the kindest of human beings; the very dog that had never seen her before +knew that truth at the first glance, and lost no time in making her +acquaintance. The goodness of her heart reposed upon her face like +sunshine, and the old wife at the lodge said poetically and truly of the +effect it produced, that "one felt warm when one looked on her." If we +could abstract from the description a certain chilling transparency, the +following exquisite verses of a forgotten poet might express the purity +and lustre of her countenance:-- + + "Her face was like the milky way i' the sky, + A meeting of gentle lights without a name." + +She was surrounded by pets of all kinds, ugly and handsome,--from Ralph +the raven to Beauty the pheasant, and from Bob, the sheep-dog without a +tail, to Beau, the Blenheim with blue ribbons round his neck; all things +loved her, and she loved all things. It seemed doubtful at that time +whether she would ever have sufficient steadiness and strength of +character. Her beauty and her character appeared so essentially +womanlike--soft yet lively, buoyant yet caressing--that you could +scarcely place in her that moral dependence that you might in a character +less amiable but less yieldingly feminine. Time, however, and +circumstance, which alter and harden, were to decide whether the inward +nature did not possess some latent and yet undiscovered properties. Such +was Lucy Brandon in the year ----; and in that year, on a beautiful +autumnal evening, we first introduce her personally to our readers. + +She was sitting on a garden-seat by the river side, with her father, who +was deliberately conning the evening paper of a former week, and gravely +seasoning the ancient news with the inspirations of that weed which so +bitterly excited the royal indignation of our British Solomon. It +happens, unfortunately for us,--for outward peculiarities are scarcely +worthy the dignity to which comedy, whether in the drama or the +narrative, aspires,--that Squire Brandon possessed so few distinguishing +traits of mind that he leaves his delineator little whereby to designate +him, save a confused and parenthetical habit of speech, by which he very +often appeared to those who did not profit by long experience or close +observation, to say exactly, and somewhat ludicrously, that which he did +not mean to convey. + +"I say, Lucy," observed Mr. Brandon, but without lifting his eyes from +the paper,--"I say, corn has fallen; think of that, girl, think of that! +These times, in my opinion (ay, and in the opinion of wiser heads than +mine, though I do not mean to say that I have not some experience in +these matters, which is more than can be said of all our neighbours), +are very curious and even dangerous." + +"Indeed, Papa!" answered Lucy. + +"And I say, Lucy, dear," resumed the squire, after a short pause, "there +has been (and very strange it is, too, when one considers the crowded +neighbourhood--Bless me! what times these are!) a shocking murder +committed upon (the tobacco stopper,--there it is)--think, you know, +girl,--just by Epping!--an old gentleman!" + +"Dear, how shocking! By whom?" + +"Ay, that's the question! The coroner's inquest has (what a blessing it +is to live in a civilized country, where a man does not die without +knowing the why and the wherefore!) sat on the body, and declared (it is +very strange, but they don't seem to have made much discovery; for why? +we knew as much before) that the body was found (it was found on the +floor, Lucy) murdered; murderer or murderers (in the bureau, which was +broken open, they found the money left quite untouched) unknown!" + +Here there was again a slight pause; and passing to another side of the +paper, Mr. Brandon resumed, in a quicker tone,--"Ha! well, now this is +odd! But he's a deuced clever fellow, Lucy! That brother of mine has +(and in a very honourable manner, too, which I am sure is highly +creditable to the family, though he has not taken too much notice of me +lately,--a circumstance which, considering I am his elder brother, I am a +little angry at) distinguished himself in a speech, remarkable, the paper +says, for its great legal (I wonder, by the by, whether William could get +me that agistment-money! 't is a heavy thing to lose; but going to law, +as my poor father used to say, is like fishing for gudgeons [not a bad +little fish; we can have some for supper] with, guineas) knowledge, as +well as its splendid and overpowering (I do love Will for keeping up the +family honour; I am sure it is more than I have done, heigh-ho!), +eloquence!" + +"And on what subject has he been speaking, Papa?" + +"Oh, a very fine subject; what you call a (it is astonishing that in this +country there should be such a wish for taking away people's characters, +which, for my part, I don't see is a bit more entertaining than what you +are always doing,--playing with those stupid birds) libel!" + +"But is not my uncle William coming down to see us? He promised to do +so, and it made you quite happy--, Papa, for two days. I hope he will +not disappoint you; and I am sure that it is not his fault if he ever +seems to neglect you. He spoke of you to me, when I saw him, in the +kindest and most affectionate manner. I do think, my dear father, that +he loves you very much." + +"Ahem!" said the squire, evidently flattered, and yet not convinced. "My +brother Will is a very acute fellow, and I make no--my dear little girl-- +question, but that (when you have seen as much of the world as I have, +you will grow suspicious) he thought that any good word said of me to my +daughter would (you see, Lucy, I am as clear-sighted as my neighbours, +though I don't give myself all their airs; which I very well might do, +considering my great-great-great-grandfather, Hugo Brandon, had a hand in +detecting the gunpowder plot) he told to me again!" + +"Nay, but I am quite sure my uncle never spoke of you to me with that +intention." + +"Possibly, my dear child; but when (the evenings are much shorter than +they were!) did you talk with your uncle about me? + +"Oh, when staying with Mrs. Warner, in London; to be sure, it is six +years ago, but I remember it perfectly. I recollect, in particular, that +he spoke of you very handsomely to Lord Mauleverer, who dined with him +one evening when I was there, and when my uncle was so kind as to take me +to the play. I was afterwards quite sorry that he was so good-natured, +as he lost (you remember I told you the story) a very valuable watch." + +"Ay, ay, I remember all about that, and so (how long friendship lasts +with some people!) Lord Mauleverer dined with William! What a fine thing +it is for a man (it is what I never did, indeed; I like being what they +call 'Cock of the Walk'--let me see, now I think of it, Pillum comes +to-night to play a hit at backgammon) to make friends with a great man +early in (yet Will did not do it very early, poor fellow! He struggled +first with a great deal of sorrow--hardship, that is) life! It is many +years now since Will has been hand-and-glove with my ('t is a bit of a +puppy) Lord Mauleverer. What did you think of his lordship?" + +"Of Lord Mauleverer? Indeed I scarcely observed him; but he seemed a +handsome man, and was very polite. Mrs. Warner said he had been a very +wicked person when he was young, but he seems good-natured enough now, +Papa." + +"By the by," said the squire, "his lordship has just been made (this new +ministry seems very unlike the old, which rather puzzles me; for I think +it my duty, d'ye see, Lucy, always to vote for his Majesty's government, +especially seeing that old Hugo Brandon had a hand in detecting the gun +powder plot; and it is a little odd-at least, at first-to think that good +now which one has always before been thinking abominable) Lord Lieutenant +of the county." + +"Lord Mauleverer our Lord Lieutenant?" + +"Yes, child; and since his lordship is such a friend of my brother, I +should think, considering especially what an old family in the county we +are,--not that I wish to intrude myself where I am not thought as fine as +the rest,--that he would be more attentive to us than Lord -------- was; +but that, my dear Lucy, puts me in mind of Pillum; and so, perhaps, you +would like to walk to the parson's, as it is a fine evening. John shall +come for you at nine o'clock with (the moon is not up then) the lantern." + +Leaning on his daughter's willing arm, the good old man then rose and +walked homeward; and so soon as she had wheeled round his easy-chair, +placed the backgammon board on the table, and wished the old gentleman an +easy victory over his expected antagonist, the apothecary, Lucy tied down +her bonnet, and took her way to the rectory. + +When she arrived at the clerical mansion and entered the drawing-room, +she was surprised to find the parson's wife, a good, homely, lethargic +old lady, run up to her, seemingly in a state of great nervous agitation +and crying,-- + +"Oh, my dear Miss Brandon! which way did you come? Did you meet nobody +by the road? Oh, I am so frightened! Such an accident to poor dear Dr. +Slopperton! Stopped in the king's highway, robbed of some tithe-money he +had just received from Farmer Slowforth! If it had not been for that +dear angel, good young man, God only knows whether I might not have been +a disconsolate widow by this time!" + +While the affectionate matron was thus running on, Lucy's eye glancing +round the room discovered in an armchair the round and oily little person +of Dr. Slopperton, with a countenance from which all the carnation hues, +save in one circular excrescence on the nasal member, that was left, like +the last rose of summer, blooming alone, were faded into an aspect of +miserable pallor. The little man tried to conjure up a smile while his +wife was narrating his misfortune, and to mutter forth some syllable of +unconcern; but he looked, for all his bravado, so exceedingly scared that +Lucy would, despite herself, have laughed outright, had not her eye +rested upon the figure of a young man who had been seated beside the +reverend gentleman, but who had risen at Lucy's entrance, and who now +stood gazing upon her intently, but with an air of great respect. +Blushing deeply and involuntarily, she turned her eyes hastily away, and +approaching the good doctor, made her inquiries into the present state of +his nerves, in a graver tone than she had a minute before imagined it +possible that she should have been enabled to command. + +"Ah! my good young lady," said the doctor, squeezing her hand, "I--may, +I may say the church--for am I not its minister? was in imminent danger-- +but this excellent gentleman prevented the sacrilege, at least in great +measure. I only lost some of my dues,--my rightful dues,--for which I +console myself with thinking that the infamous and abandoned villain will +suffer hereafter." + +"There cannot be the least doubt of that," said the young man. "Had he +only robbed the mail-coach, or broken into a gentleman's house, the +offence might have been expiable; but to rob a clergyman, and a rector +too!--Oh, the sacrilegious dog!" + +"Your warmth does you honour, sir," said the doctor, beginning now to +recover; "and I am very proud to have made the acquaintance of a +gentleman of such truly religious opinions." + +"Ah!" cried the stranger, "my foible, sir,--if I may so speak,--is a sort +of enthusiastic fervour for the Protestant Establishment. Nay, sir, I +never come across the very nave of the church without feeling an +indescribable emotion--a kind of sympathy, as it were--with--with--you +understand me, sir--I fear I express myself ill." + +"Not at all, not at all!" exclaimed the doctor: "such sentiments are +uncommon in one so young." + +"Sir, I learned them early in life from a friend and preceptor of mine, +Mr. MacGrawler, and I trust they may continue with me to my dying day." + +Here the doctor's servant entered with (we borrow a phrase from the +novel of ----------) "the tea-equipage;" and Mrs. Slopperton, betaking +herself to its superintendence, inquired with more composure than +hitherto had belonged to her demeanour, what sort of a looking creature +the ruffian was. + +"I will tell you, my dear, I will tell you, Miss Lucy, all about it. +I was walking home from Mr. Slowforth's, with his money in my pocket, +thinking, my love, of buying you that topaz cross you wished to have." + +"Dear, good man!" cried Mrs. Slopperton; "what a fiend it must have been +to rob so excellent a creature!" + +"And," resumed the doctor, "it also occurred to me that the Madeira was +nearly out,--the Madeira, I mean, with the red seal; and I was thinking +it might not be amiss to devote part of the money to buy six dozen more; +and the remainder, my love, which would be about one pound eighteen, I +thought I would divide--'for he that giveth to the poor lendeth to the +Lord!'--among the thirty poor families on the common; that is, if they +behaved well, and the apples in the back garden were not feloniously +abstracted!" + +"Excellent, charitable man!" ejaculated Mrs. Slopperton. "While I was +thus meditating, I lifted my eyes, and saw before me two men,--one of +prodigious height, and with a great profusion of hair about his +shoulders; the other was smaller, and wore his hat slouched over his +face: it was a very large hat. My attention was arrested by the +singularity of the tall person's hair, and while I was smiling at its +luxuriance, I heard him say to his companion, 'Well, Augustus, as you are +such a moral dog, he is in your line, not mine; so I leave him to you.' +Little did I think those words related to me. No sooner were they +uttered than the tall rascal leaped over a gate and disappeared; the +other fellow, then marching up to me, very smoothly asked me the way to +the church, and while I was explaining to him to turn first to the right +and then to the left, and so on,--for the best way is, you know, +exceedingly crooked,--the hypocritical scoundrel seized me by the collar, +and cried out, 'Your money or your life!' I do assure you that I never +trembled so much,--not, my dear Miss Lucy, so much for my own sake, as +for the sake of the thirty poor families on the common, whose wants it +had been my intention to relieve. I gave up the money, finding my +prayers and expostulations were in vain; and the dog then, brandishing +over my head an enormous bludgeon, said--what abominable language!-- +'I think, doctor, I shall put an end to an existence derogatory to your +self and useless to others.' At that moment the young gentleman beside +me sprang over the very gate by which the tall ruffian had disappeared, +and cried, 'Hold, villain!' On seeing my deliverer, the coward started +back, and plunged into a neighbouring wood. The good young gentleman +pursued him for a few minutes, but then returning to my aid, conducted me +home; and as we used to say at school,-- + + "' Te rediisse incolumem gaudeo,'-- + +which, being interpreted, means (sir, excuse a pun, I am sure so great a +friend to the Church understands Latin) that I am very glad to get back +safe to my tea. He! he! And now, Miss Lucy, you must thank that young +gentleman for having saved the life of your pastoral teacher, which act +will no doubt be remembered at the Great Day!" + +As Lucy, looking towards the stranger, said something in compliment, she +observed a vague, and as it were covert smile upon his countenance, which +immediately and as if by sympathy conjured one to her own. The hero of +the adventure, however, in a very grave tone replied to her compliment, +at the same time bowing profoundly,-- + +"Mention it not, madam! I were unworthy of the name of a Briton and a +man, could I pass the highway without relieving the distress or +lightening the burden of a fellow-creature. And," continued the +stranger, after a momentary pause, colouring while he spoke, and +concluding in the high-flown gallantry of the day, "methinks it were +sufficient reward, had I saved the whole church instead of one of its +most valuable members, to receive the thanks of a lady whom I might +reasonably take for one of those celestial beings to whom we have been +piously taught that the Church is especially the care!" + +Though there might have been something really ridiculous in this +overstrained compliment, coupled as it was with the preservation of Dr. +Slopperton, yet, coming from the mouth of one whom Lucy thought the very +handsomest person she had ever seen, it appeared to her anything but +absurd; and for a very long time afterwards her heart thrilled with +pleasure when she remembered that the cheek of the speaker had glowed, +and his voice had trembled as he spoke it. + +The conversation now, turning from robbers in particular, dwelt upon +robberies in general. It was edifying to hear the honest indignation +with which the stranger spoke of the lawless depredators with whom the +country, in that day of Macheaths, was infested. + +"A pack of infamous rascals!" said he, in a glow, "who attempt to justify +their misdeeds by the example of honest men, and who say that they do no +more than is done by lawyers and doctors, soldiers, clergymen, and +ministers of State. Pitiful delusion, or rather shameless hypocrisy!" + +"It all comes of educating the poor," said the doctor. "The moment they +pretend to judge the conduct of their betters, there's an end of all +order! They see nothing sacred in the laws, though we hang the dogs ever +so fast; and the very peers of the land, spiritual and temporal, cease to +be venerable in their eyes." + +"Talking of peers," said Mrs. Slopperton, "I hear that Lord Mauleverer is +to pass by this road to-night on his way to Mauleverer Park. Do you know +his lordship, Miss Lucy: He is very intimate with your uncle." + +"I have only seen him once," answered Lucy. + +"Are you sure that his lordship will come this road?" asked the stranger, +carelessly. "I heard something of it this morning, but did not know it +was settled." + +"Oh, quite so!" rejoined Mrs. Slopperton. "His lordship's gentleman +wrote for post-horses to meet his lordship at Wyburn, about three miles +on the other side of the village, at ten o'clock to-night. His lordship +is very impatient of delay." + +"Pray," said the doctor, who had not much heeded this turn in the +conversation, and was now "on hospitable cares intent,"--"pray, sir, if +not impertinent, are you visiting or lodging in the neighbourhood; or +will you take a bed with us?" + +"You are extremely kind, my dear sir, but I fear I must soon wish you +good-evening. I have to look after a little property I have some miles +hence, which, indeed, brought me down into this part of the world." + +"Property!--in what direction, sir, if I may ask?" quoth the doctor; "I +know the country for miles." + +"Do you, indeed? Where's my property, you say? Why, it is rather +difficult to describe it, and it is, after all, a mere trifle; it is only +some common-land near the highroad, and I came down to try the experiment +of hedging and draining." + +"'T is a good plan, if one has capital, and does not require a speedy +return." + +"Yes; but one likes a good interest for the loss of principal, and a +speedy return is always desirable,--although, alas! it is often attended +with risk!" + +"I hope, sir," said the doctor, "if you must leave us so soon, that your +property will often bring you into our neighbourhood." + +"You overpower me with so much unexpected goodness," answered the +stranger. "To tell you the truth, nothing can give me greater pleasure +than to meet those again who have once obliged me." + +"Whom you have obliged, rather!" cried Mrs. Slopperton; and then added, +in a loud whisper to Lucy, "How modest! but it is always so with true +courage!" + +"I assure you, madam," returned the benevolent stranger, "that I never +think twice of the little favours I render my fellow-men; my only hope is +that they may be as forgetful as myself." + +Charmed with so much unaffected goodness of disposition, the doctor and +Mrs. Slopperton now set up a sort of duet in praise of their guest: after +enduring their commendations and compliments for some minutes with much +grimace of disavowal and diffidence, the stranger's modesty seemed at +last to take pain at the excess of their gratitude; and accordingly, +pointing to the clock, which was within a few minutes to nine, he said,-- + +"I fear, my respected host and my admired hostess, that I must now leave +you; I have far to go." + +"But are you yourself not afraid of the highwaymen?" cried Mrs. +Slopperton, interrupting him. + +"The highwaymen!" said the stranger, smiling; "no; I do not fear them; +besides, I have little about me worth robbing." + +"Do you superintend your property yourself?" said the doctor, who farmed +his own glebe and who, unwilling to part with so charming a guest, seized +him now by the button. + +"Superintend it myself! why, not exactly. There is a bailiff, whose +views of things don't agree with mine, and who now and then gives me a +good deal of trouble." + +"Then why don't you discharge him altogether?" + +"Ah! I wish I could; but 't is a necessary evil. We landed proprietors, +my dear sir, must always be plagued with some thing of the sort. For my +part, I have found those cursed bailiffs would take away, if they could, +all the little property one has been trying to accumulate. But," +abruptly changing his manner into one of great softness, "could I not +proffer my services and my companionship to this young lady? Would she +allow me to conduct her home, and indeed stamp this day upon my memory as +one of the few delightful ones I have ever known?" + +"Thank you, dear sir," said Mrs. Slopperton, answering at once for Lucy; +"it is very considerate of you.--And I am sure, my love, I could not +think of letting you go home alone with old John, after such an adventure +to the poor dear doctor." + +Lucy began an excuse which the good lady would not hear. But as the +servant whom Mr. Brandon was to send with a lantern to attend his +daughter home had not arrived, and as Mrs. Slopperton, despite her +prepossessions in favour of her husband's deliverer, did not for a moment +contemplate his accompanying, without any other attendance, her young +friend across the fields at that unseasonable hour, the stranger was +forced, for the present, to re-assume his seat. An open harpsichord at +one end of the room gave him an opportunity to make some remark upon +music; and this introducing an eulogium on Lucy's voice from Mrs. +Slopperton, necessarily ended in a request to Miss Brandon to indulge the +stranger with a song. Never had Lucy, who was not a shy girl,--she was +too innocent to be bashful,--felt nervous hitherto in singing before a +stranger; but now she hesitated and faltered, and went through a whole +series of little natural affectations before she complied with the +request. She chose a song composed somewhat after the old English +school, which at that time was reviving into fashion. The song, though +conveying a sort of conceit, was not, perhaps, altogether without +tenderness; it was a favourite with Lucy, she scarcely knew why, and ran +thus:-- + + LUCY'S SONG. + + Why sleep, ye gentle flowers, ah, why, + When tender eve is falling, + And starlight drinks the happy sigh + Of winds to fairies calling? + Calling with low and plaining note, + Most like a ringdove chiding, + Or flute faint-heard from distant boat + O'er smoothest waters gliding. + Lo, round you steals the wooing breeze; + Lo, on you falls the dew! + O sweets, awake, for scarcely these + Can charm while wanting you! + Wake ye not yet, while fast below + The silver time is fleeing? + O heart of mine, those flowers but show + Thine own contented being. + The twilight but preserves the bloom, + The sun can but decay + The warmth that brings the rich perfume + But steals the life away. + O heart, enjoy thy present calm, + Rest peaceful in the shade, + And dread the sun that gives the balm + To bid the blossom fade. + +When Lucy ended, the stranger's praise was less loud than either the +doctor's or his lady's; but how far more sweet it was! And for the first +time in her life Lucy made the discovery that eyes can praise as well as +lips. For our part, we have often thought that that discovery is an +epoch in life. + +It was now that Mrs. Slopperton declared her thorough conviction that the +stranger himself could sing. He had that about him, she said, which made +her sure of it. + +"Indeed, dear madam," said he, with his usual undefinable, half-frank, +half-latent smile, "my voice is but so-so, and any memory so indifferent +that even in the easiest passages I soon come to a stand. My best notes +are in the falsetto; and as for my execution--But we won't talk of that." + +"Nay, nay; you are so modest," said Mrs. Slopperton. "I am sure you +could oblige us if you would." + +"Your command," said the stranger, moving to the harpsichord, "is all- +sufficient; and since you, madam," turning to Lucy, "have chosen a song +after the old school, may I find pardon if I do the same? My selection +is, to be sure, from a lawless song-book, and is supposed to be a ballad +by Robin Hood, or at least one of his merry men,--a very different sort +of outlaws from the knaves who attacked you, sir!" + +With this preface the stranger sung to a wild yet jovial air, with a +tolerable voice, the following effusion: + + THE LOVE OF OUR PROFESSION; OR THE ROBBER'S LIFE. + + On the stream of the world, the robber's life + Is borne on the blithest wave; + Now it bounds into light in a gladsome strife, + Now it laughs in its hiding cave. + + At his maiden's lattice he stays the rein; + How still is his courser proud + (But still as a wind when it hangs o'er the main + In the breast of the boding cloud), + + With the champed bit and the archd crest, + And the eye of a listening deer, + Like valour, fretful most in rest, + Least chafed when in career. + + Fit slave to a lord whom all else refuse + To save at his desperate need; + By my troth! I think one whom the world pursues + Hath a right to a gallant steed. + + "Away, my beloved, I hear their feet! + I blow thee a kiss, my fair, + And I promise to bring thee, when next we meet, + A braid for thy bonny hair. + + Hurrah! for the booty!--my steed, hurrah! + Thorough bush, thorough brake, go we; + And the coy moon smiles on our merry way, + Like my own love,--timidly." + + The parson he rides with a jingling pouch, + How it blabs of the rifled poor! + The courtier he lolls in his gilded coach, + --How it smacks of a sinecure! + + The lawyer revolves in his whirling chaise + Sweet thoughts of a mischief done; + And the lady that knoweth the card she plays + Is counting her guineas won! + + "He, lady!--What, holla, ye sinless men! + My claim ye can scarce refuse; + For when honest folk live on their neighbours, then + They encroach on the robber's dues!" + + The lady changed cheek like a bashful maid, + The lawyer talked wondrous fair, + The parson blasphemed, and the courtier prayed, + And the robber bore off his share. + + "Hurrah! for the revel! my steed, hurrah! + Thorough bush, thorough brake, go we! + It is ever a virtue, when others pay, + + To ruffle it merrily!" + + Oh, there never was life like the robber's, + --so Jolly and bold and free! + And its end-why, a cheer from the crowd below, + And a leap from a leafless tree! + + +This very moral lay being ended, Mrs. Slopperton declared it was +excellent; though she confessed she thought the sentiments rather loose. +Perhaps the gentleman might be induced to favour them with a song of a +more refined and modern turn,--something sentimental, in short. Glancing +towards Lucy, the stranger answered that he only knew one song of the +kind Mrs. Slopperton specified, and it was so short that he could +scarcely weary her patience by granting her request. + +At this moment the river, which was easily descried from the windows of +the room, glimmered in the starlight; and directing his looks towards the +water, as if the scene had suggested to him the verses he sung, he gave +the following stanzas in a very low, sweet tone, and with a far purer +taste, than, perhaps, would have suited the preceding and ruder song. + + THE WISH. + + As sleeps the dreaming Eve below, + Its holiest star keeps ward above, + And yonder wave begins to glow, + Like friendship bright'ning into Love! + + Ah, would thy bosom were that stream, + Ne'er wooed save by the virgin air!-- + Ah, would that I were that star, whose beam + Looks down and finds its image there! + + +Scarcely was the song ended, before the arrival of Miss Brandon's servant +was announced; and her destined escort, starting up, gallantly assisted +her with her cloak and her hood,--happy, no doubt, to escape in some +measure the overwhelming compliments of his entertainers. + +"But," said the doctor, as he shook hands with his deliverer, "by what +name shall I remember and" (lifting his reverend eyes) "pray for the +gentleman to whom I am so much indebted?" + +"You are very kind," said the stranger; "my name is Clifford. Madam," +turning to Lucy, "may I offer my hand down the stairs?" + +Lucy accepted the courtesy; and the stranger was half-way down the +staircase, when the doctor, stretching out his little neck, exclaimed,-- + +"Good-evening, sir! I do hope we shall meet again." + +"Fear not!" said Mr. Clifford, laughing gayly; "I am too great a +traveller to make that hope a matter of impossibility. Take care, madam, +--one step more." + +The night was calm and tolerably clear, though the moon had not yet +risen, as Lucy and her companion passed through the fields, with the +servant preceding them at a little distance with the lantern. + +After a pause of some length, Clifford said, with a little hesitation, +"Is Miss Brandon related to the celebrated barrister of her name?" + +"He is my uncle," said Lucy; "do you know him?" + +"Only your uncle?" said Clifford, with vivacity, and evading Lucy's +question. "I feared--hem! hem!--that is, I thought he might have been a +nearer relation." There was another, but a, shorter pause, when Clifford +resumed, in a low voice: "Will Miss Brandon think me very presumptuous if +I say that a countenance like hers, once seen, can never be forgotten; +and I believe, some years since, I had the honour to see her in London, +at the theatre? It was but a momentary and distant glance that I was +then enabled to gain; and yet," he added significantly, "it sufficed!" + +"I was only once at the theatre while in London, some years ago," said +Lucy, a little embarrassed; "and indeed an unpleasant occurrence which +happened to my uncle, with whom I was, is sufficient to make me remember +it." + +"Ha! and what was it?" + +"Why, in going out of the play-house his watch was stolen by some +dexterous pickpocket." + +"Was the rogue caught?" asked the stranger. + +"Yes; and was sent the next day to Bridewell. My uncle said he was +extremely young, and yet quite hardened. I remember that I was foolish +enough, when I heard of his sentence, to beg very hard that my uncle +would intercede for him; but in vain." + +"Did you, indeed, intercede for him?" said the stranger, in so earnest a +tone that Lucy coloured for the twentieth time that night, without seeing +any necessity for the blush. Clifford continued, in a gayer tone: "Well, +it is surprising how rogues hang together. I should not be greatly +surprised if the person who despoiled your uncle were one of the same +gang as the rascal who so terrified your worthy friend the doctor. But +is this handsome old place your home?" + +"This is my home," answered Lucy; "but it is an old-fashioned, strange +place; and few people, to whom it was not endeared by associations, would +think it handsome." + +"Pardon me!" said Lucy's companion, stopping, and surveying with a look +of great interest the quaint pile, which now stood close before them; its +dark bricks, gable-ends, and ivied walls, tinged by the starry light of +the skies, and contrasted by the river, which rolled in silence below. +The shutters to the large oriel window of the room in which the squire +usually sat were still unclosed, and the steady and warm light of the +apartment shone forth, casting a glow even to the smooth waters of the +river; at the same moment, too, the friendly bark of the house-dog was +heard, as in welcome; and was followed by the note of the great bell, +announcing the hour for the last meal of the old-fashioned and hospitable +family. + +"There is a pleasure in this," said the stranger, unconsciously, and with +a half-sigh; "I wish I had a home!" + +"And have you not a home?" said Lucy, with naivety. "As much as a +bachelor can have, perhaps," answered Clifford, recovering without an +effort his gayety and self-possession. "But you know we wanderers are +not allowed the same boast as the more fortunate Benedicts; we send our +hearts in search of a home, and we lose the one without gaining the +other. But I keep you in the cold, and we are now at your door." + +"You will come in, of course!" said Miss Brandon, "and partake of our +evening cheer." + +The stranger hesitated for an instant, and then said in a quick tone,-- + +"No! many, many thanks; it is already late. Will Miss Brandon accept my +gratitude for her condescension in permitting the attendance of one +unknown to her?" As he thus spoke, Clifford bowed profoundly over the +hand of his beautiful charge; and Lucy, wishing him good-night, hastened +with a light step to her father's side. + +Meanwhile Clifford, after lingering a minute, when the door was closed on +him, turned abruptly away; and muttering to himself, repaired with rapid +steps to whatever object he had then in view. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + Up rouse ye then, + My merry, merry men! + --JOANNA BAILLIE. + +When the moon rose that night, there was one spot upon which she palely +broke, about ten miles distant from Warlock, which the forewarned +traveller would not have been eager to pass, but which might not have +afforded a bad study to such artists as have caught from the savage +painter of the Apennines a love for the wild and the adventurous. Dark +trees, scattered far and wide over a broken but verdant sward, made the +background; the moon shimmered through the boughs as she came slowly +forth from her pavilion of cloud, and poured a broader beam on two +figures just advanced beyond the trees. More plainly brought into light +by her rays than his companion, here a horseman, clad in a short cloak +that barely covered the crupper of his steed, was looking to the priming +of a large pistol which he had just taken from his holster. A slouched +hat and a mask of black crape conspired with the action to throw a +natural suspicion on the intentions of the rider. His horse, a beautiful +dark gray, stood quite motionless, with arched neck, and its short ears +quickly moving to and fro, demonstrative of that sagacious and +anticipative attention which characterizes the noblest of all tamed +animals; you would not have perceived the impatience of the steed, but +for the white foam that gathered round the bit, and for an occasional and +unfrequent toss of the head. Behind this horseman, and partially thrown +into the dark shadow of the trees, another man, similarly clad, was +busied in tightening the girths of a horse, of great strength and size. +As he did so, he hummed, with no unmusical murmur, the air of a popular +drinking-song. + +"'Sdeath, Ned!" said his comrade, who had for some time been plunged in a +silent revery,--"'Sdeath! why can you not stifle your love for the fine +arts at a moment like this? That hum of thine grows louder every moment; +at last I expect it will burst out into a full roar. Recollect we are +not at Gentleman George's now!" + +"The more's the pity, Augustus," answered Ned. "Soho, Little John; +woaho, sir! A nice long night like this is made on purpose for drinking. +Will you, sir? keep still then!" + +"Man never is, but always to be blest," said the moralizing Tomlinson; +"you see you sigh for other scenes even when you have a fine night and +the chance of a God-send before you." + +"Ay, the night is fine enough," said Ned, who was rather a grumbler, as, +having finished his groom-like operation, he now slowly mounted. "D--- +it, Oliver! [The moon] looks out as broadly as if he were going to blab. +For my part, I love a dark night, with a star here and there winking at +us, as much as to say, 'I see you, my boys, but I won't say a word about +it,' and a small, pattering, drizzling, mizzling rain, that prevents +Little John's hoofs being heard, and covers one's retreat, as it were. +Besides, when one is a little wet, it is always necessary to drink the +more, to keep the cold from one's stomach when one gets home." + +"Or in other words," said Augustus, who loved a maxim from his very +heart, "light wet cherishes heavy wet!" + +"Good!" said Ned, yawning. "Hang it, I wish the captain would come. Do +you know what o'clock it is? Not far short of eleven, I suppose?" + +"About that! Hist, is that a carriage? No, it is only a sudden rise in +the wind." + +"Very self-sufficient in Mr. Wind to allow himself to be raised without +our help!" said Ned; "by the way, we are of course to go back to the Red +Cave?" + +"So Captain Lovett says. Tell me, Ned, what do you think of the new +tenant Lovett has put into the cave?" + +"Oh, I have strange doubts there," answered Ned, shaking the hairy +honours of his head. "I don't half like it; consider the cave is our +stronghold, and ought only to be known--" + +"To men of tried virtue," interrupted Tomlinson. "I agree with you; I +must try and get Lovett to discard his singular protege, as the French +say." + +"'Gad, Augustus, how came you by so much learning? You know all the +poets by heart, to say nothing of Latin and French." + +"Oh, hang it, I was brought up, like the captain, to a literary way of +life." + +"That's what makes you so thick with him, I suppose. He writes (and +sings too) a tolerable song, and is certainly a deuced clever fellow. +What a rise in the world he has made! Do you recollect what a poor sort +of way he was in when you introduced him at Gentleman George's? and now +he's the Captain Crank of the gang." + +"The gang! the company, you mean. Gang, indeed! One would think you +were speaking of a knot of pickpockets. Yes, Lovett is a clever fellow; +and, thanks to me, a very decent philosopher!" It is impossible to convey +to our reader the grave air of importance with which Tomlinson made his +concluding laudation. "Yes," said he, after a pause, "he has a bold, +plain way of viewing things, and, like Voltaire, he becomes a philosopher +by being a Man of Sense! Hist! see my horse's ears! Some one is coming, +though I don't hear him! Keep watch!" + +The robbers grew silent; the sound of distant hoofs was indistinctly +heard, and, as it came nearer, there was a crash of boughs, as if a hedge +had been ridden through. Presently the moon gleamed picturesquely on the +figure of a horseman, approaching through the copse in the rear of the +robbers. + +Now he was half seen among the sinuosities of his forest path; now in +full sight, now altogether hid; then his horse neighed impatiently; now +he again came in sight, and in a moment more he had joined the pair! +The new-corner was of a tall and sinewy frame, and in the first bloom of +manhood. A frock of dark green, edged with a narrow silver lace, and +buttoned from the throat to the middle, gave due effect to an upright +mien, a broad chest, and a slender but rounded waist, that stood in no +need of the compression of the tailor. A short riding-cloak, clasped +across the throat with a silver buckle, hung picturesquely over one +shoulder, while his lower limbs were cased in military boots, which, +though they rose above the knee, were evidently neither heavy nor +embarrassing to the vigorous sinews of the horseman. The caparisons of +the steed--the bit, the bridle, the saddle, the holster--were according +to the most approved fashion of the day; and the steed itself was in the +highest condition, and of remarkable beauty. The horseman's air was +erect and bold; a small but coal-black mustachio heightened the resolute +expression of his short, curved lip; and from beneath the large hat which +overhung his brow his long locks escaped, and waved darkly in the keen +night air. Altogether, horseman and horse exhibited a gallant and even a +chivalrous appearance, which the hour and the scene heightened to a +dramatic and romantic effect. + +"Ha! Lovett." + +"How are you, my merry men?" were the salutations exchanged. + +"What news?" said Ned. + +"Brave news! look to it. My lord and his carriage will be by in ten +minutes at most." + +"Have you got anything more out of the parson I frightened so +gloriously?" asked Augustus. + +"No; more of that hereafter. Now for our new prey." + +"Are you sure our noble friend will be so soon at hand?" said Tomlinson, +patting his steed, that now pawed in excited hilarity. + +"Sure! I saw him change horses; I was in the stable-yard at the time. +He got out for half an hour, to eat, I fancy. Be sure that I played him +a trick in the mean while." + +"What for?" asked Ned. + +"Self and servant." + +"The post-boys?" + +"Ay, I forgot them. Never mind, you, must frighten them." + +"Forwards!" cried Ned; and his horse sprang from his armed heel. + +"One moment," said Lovett; "I must put on my mask. Soho, Robin, soho! +Now for it,--forwards!" + +As the trees rapidly disappeared behind them, the riders entered, at a +hand gallop, on a broad tract of waste land interspersed with dikes and +occasionally fences of hurdles, over which their horses bounded like +quadrupeds well accustomed to such exploits. + +Certainly at that moment, what with the fresh air, the fitful moonlight +now breaking broadly out, now lost in a rolling cloud, the exciting +exercise, and that racy and dancing stir of the blood, which all action, +whether evil or noble in its nature, raises in our veins; what with all +this, we cannot but allow the fascination of that lawless life,-- +a fascination so great that one of the most noted gentlemen highwaymen +of the day, one too who had received an excellent education and mixed in +no inferior society, is reported to have said, when the rope was about +his neck, and the good Ordinary was exhorting him to repent of his ill- +spent life, "Ill-spent, you dog! 'Gad!" (smacking his lips) "it was +delicious!" + +"Fie! fie! Mr. -------, raise your thoughts to Heaven!" + +"But a canter across the common--oh!" muttered the criminal; and his soul +cantered off to eternity. + +So briskly leaped the heart of the leader of the three that, as they now +came in view of the main road, and the distant wheel of a carriage +whirred on the ear, he threw up his right hand with a joyous gesture, and +burst into a boyish exclamation of hilarity and delight. + +"Whist, captain!" said Ned, checking his own spirits with a mock air of +gravity, "let us conduct ourselves like gentlemen; it is only your low +fellows who get into such confoundedly high spirits; men of the world +like us should do everything as if their hearts were broken." + +"Melancholy ever cronies with Sublimity, and Courage is sublime," said +Augustus, with the pomp of a maxim-maker. + + [A maxim which would have pleased Madame de Stael, who thought that + philosophy consisted in fine sentiments. In the "Life of Lord + Byron," just published by Mr. Moore, the distinguished biographer + makes a similar assertion to that of the sage Augustus: "When did + ever a sublime thought spring up in the soul that melancholy was not + to be found, however latent, in its neighbourhood?" Now, with due + deference to Mr. Moore, this is a very sickly piece of nonsense, + that has not even an atom of truth to stand on. "God said, Let + there be light, and there was light!"--we should like to know where + lies the melancholy of that sublime sentence. "Truth," says Plato, + "is the body of God, and light is his shadow." In the name of + common-sense, in what possible corner in the vicinity of that lofty + image lurks the jaundiced face of this eternal _bete noir_ of Mr. + Moore's? Again, in that sublimest passage in the sublimest of the + Latin poets (Lucretius), which bursts forth in honour of Epicurus, + is there anything that speaks to us of sadness? On the contrary, in + the three passages we have referred to, especially in the, two first + quoted, there is something splendidly luminous and cheering. Joy is + often a great source of the sublime; the suddenness of its ventings + would alone suffice to make it so. What can be more sublime than + the triumphant Psalms of David, intoxicated as they are with an + almost delirium of transport? Even in the gloomiest passages of the + poets, where we recognize sublimity, we do not often find + melancholy. We are stricken by terror, appalled by awe, but seldom + softened into sadness. In fact, melancholy rather belongs to + another class of feelings than those excited by a sublime passage or + those which engender its composition. On one hand, in the loftiest + flights of Homer, Milton, and Shakspeare, we will challenge a critic + to discover this "green sickness" which Mr. Moore would convert + into the magnificence of the plague. On the other hand, where is + the evidence that melancholy made the habitual temperaments of those + divine men? Of Homer we know nothing; of Shakspeare and Milton, we + have reason to believe the ordinary temperament was constitutionally + cheerful. The latter boasts of it. A thousand instances, in + contradiction to an assertion it were not worth while to contradict, + were it not so generally popular, so highly sanctioned, and so + eminently pernicious to everything that is manly and noble in + literature, rush to our memory. But we think we have already quoted + enough to disprove the sentence, which the illustrious biographer + has himself disproved in more than twenty passages, which, if he is + pleased to forget, we thank Heaven posterity never will. Now we are + on the subject of this Life, so excellent in many respects, we + cannot but observe that we think the whole scope of its philosophy + utterly unworthy of the accomplished mind of the writer; the + philosophy consists of an unpardonable distorting of general truths, + to suit the peculiarities of an individual, noble indeed, but + proverbially morbid and eccentric. A striking instance of this + occurs in the laboured assertion that poets make but sorry domestic + characters. What! because Lord Byron is said to have been a bad + husband, was (to go no further back for examples)--was Walter Scott + a bad husband, or was Campbell, or is Mr. Moore himself? why, in + the name of justice, should it be insinuated that Milton was a bad + husband, when, as far as any one can judge of the matter, it was + Mrs. Milton who was the bad wife? And why, oh! why should we be + told by Mr. Moore,--a man who, to judge by Captain Rock and the + Epicurean, wants neither learning nor diligence,--why are we to be + told, with peculiar emphasis, that Lord Bacon never married, when + Lord Bacon not only married, but his marriage was so advantageous as + to be an absolute epoch in his career? Really, really, one begins + to believe that there is not such a thing as a fact in the world!] + +"Now for the hedge!" cried Lovett, unheeding his comrades; and his horse +sprang into the road. + +The three men now were drawn up quite still and motionless by the side of +the hedge. The broad road lay before them, curving out of sight on +either side; the ground was hardening under an early tendency to frost, +and the clear ring of approaching hoofs sounded on the ear of the +robbers, ominous, haply, of the chinks of "more attractive metal" about, +if Hope told no flattering tale, to be their own. + +Presently the long-expected vehicle made its appearance at the turn of +the road, and it rolled rapidly on behind four fleet post-horses. + +"You, Ned, with your large steed, stop the horses; you, Augustus, bully +the post-boys; leave me to do the rest," said the captain. + +"As agreed," returned Ned, laconically. "Now, look at me!" and the horse +of the vain highwayman sprang from its shelter. So instantaneous were +the operations of these experienced tacticians, that Lovett's orders were +almost executed in a briefer time than it had cost him to give them. + +The carriage being stopped, and the post-boys white and trembling, with +two pistols (levelled by Augustus and Pepper) cocked at their heads, +Lovett, dismounting, threw open the door of the carriage, and in a very +civil tone and with a very bland address accosted the inmate. + +"Do not be alarmed, my lord, you are perfectly safe; we only require your +watch and purse." + +"Really," answered a voice still softer than that of the robber, while a +marked and somewhat French countenance, crowned with a fur cap, peered +forth at the arrester,--"Really, sir, your request is so modest that I +were worse than cruel to refuse you. My purse is not very full, and you +may as well have it as one of my rascally duns; but my watch I have a +love for, and--" + +"I understand you, my lord," interrupted the highwayman. "What do you +value your watch at?" + +"Humph! to you it may be worth some twenty guineas." + +"Allow me to see it!" + +"Your curiosity is extremely gratifying," returned the nobleman, as with +great reluctance he drew forth a gold repeater, set, as was sometimes the +fashion of that day, in precious stones. The highwayman looked slightly +at the bauble. + +"Your lordship," said he, with great gravity, "was too modest in your +calculation; your taste reflects greater credit on you. Allow me to +assure you that your watch is worth fifty guinea's to us, at the least. +To show you that I think so most sincerely, I will either keep it, and we +will say no more on the matter; or I will return it to you upon your word +of honour that you will give me a check for fifty guineas payable, by +your real bankers, to 'bearer for self.' Take your choice; it is quite +immaterial to me!" + +"Upon my honour, sir," said the traveller, with some surprise struggling +to his features, "your coolness and self-possession are quite admirable. +I see you know the world." + +"Your lordship flatters me!" returned Lovett, bowing. "How do you +decide?" + +"Why, is it possible to write drafts without ink, pen, or paper?" + +Lovett drew back, and while he was searching in his pockets for writing +implements, which he always carried about him, the traveller seized the +opportunity, and suddenly snatching a pistol from the pocket of the +carriage, levelled it full at the head of the robber. The traveller was +an excellent and practised shot,--he was almost within arm's length of +his intended victim,--his pistols were the envy of all his Irish friends. +He pulled the trigger,--the powder flashed in the pan; and the +highwayman, not even changing countenance, drew forth a small ink-bottle, +and placing a steel pen in it, handed it to the nobleman, saying, with +incomparable _sanq froid_: "Would you like, my lord, to try the other +pistol? If so, oblige me by a quick aim, as you must see the necessity +of despatch. If not, here is the back of a letter, on which you can +write the draft." + +The traveller was not a man apt to become embarrassed in anything save +his circumstances; but he certainly felt a little discomposed and +confused as he took the paper, and uttering some broken words, wrote the +check. The highwayman glanced over it, saw it was written according to +form, and then with a bow of cool respect, returned the watch, and shut +the door of the carriage. + +Meanwhile the servant had been shivering in front, boxed up in that +solitary convenience termed, not euphoniously, a dickey. Him the robber +now briefly accosted. + +"What have you got about you belonging to your master?" "Only his pills, +your honour! which I forgot to put in the--" + +"Pills!--throw them down to me!" The valet tremblingly extricated from +his side-pocket a little box, which he threw down and Lovett caught in +his hand. + +He opened the box, counted the pills,--"One, two, four, twelve,--aha!" +He reopened the carriage door. "Are these your pills, my lord?" + +The wondering peer, who had begun to resettle himself in the corner of +his carriage, answered that they were. + +"My lord, I see you are in a high state of fever; you were a little +delirious just now when you snapped a pistol in your friend's face. +Permit me to recommend you a prescription,--swallow off all these pills!" + +"My God!" cried the traveller, startled into earnestness; "what do you +mean?--twelve of those pills would kill a man!" + +"Hear him!" said the robber, appealing to his comrades, who roared with +laughter. "What, my lord, would you rebel against your doctor? Fie, +fie! be persuaded." + +And with a soothing gesture he stretched the pill-box towards the +recoiling nose of the traveller. But though a man who could as well as +any one make the best of a bad condition, the traveller was especially +careful of his health; and so obstinate was he where that was concerned, +that he would rather have submitted to the effectual operation of a +bullet than incurred the chance operation of an extra pill. He +therefore, with great indignation, as the box was still extended towards +him, snatched it from the hand of the robber, and flinging it across the +road, said with dignity,-- + +"Do your worst, rascals! But if you leave me alive, you shall repent the +outrage you have offered to one of his Majesty's household!" Then, as if +becoming sensible of the ridicule of affecting too much in his present +situation, he added in an altered tone: "And now, for Heaven's sake, shut +the door; and if you must kill somebody, there's my servant on the box,-- +he's paid for it." + +This speech made the robbers laugh more than ever; and Lovett, who liked +a joke even better than a purse, immediately closed the carriage door, +saying,-- + +"Adieu, my lord; and let me give you a piece of advice: whenever you get +out at a country inn, and stay half an hour while your horses are +changing, take your pistols with you, or you may chance to have the +charge drawn." + +With this admonition the robber withdrew; and seeing that the valet held +out to him a long green purse, he said, gently shaking his head,-- + +"Rogues should not prey on each other, my good fellow. You rob your +master; so do we. Let each keep what he has got." + +Long Ned and Tomlinson then backing their horses, the carriage was freed; +and away started the post-boys at a pace which seemed to show less regard +for life than the robbers themselves had evinced. + +Meanwhile the captain remounted his steed, and the three confederates, +bounding in gallant style over the hedge through which they had +previously gained the road, galloped off in the same direction they had +come; the moon ever and anon bringing into light their flying figures, +and the sound of many a joyous peal of laughter ringing through the +distance along the frosty air. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + What is here?-- + + Gold? + + Thus much of this will make black white, foul fair. + + Timon of Athens. + + + Came there a certain lord, neat, trimly drest, + Fresh as a bridegroom. + + Henry the Fourth. + + + I do not know the man I should avoid + So soon as that spare Cassius! + He reads much. He is a great observer; and he looks + Quite through the deeds of men. + Often he smiles; but smiles in such a sort, + As if he mocked himself or scorned his spirit, + That could be moved to smile at anything. + + Julius Caesar. + +The next day, late at noon, as Lucy was sitting with her father, not as +usual engaged either in work or in reading, but seemingly quite idle, +with her pretty foot upon the squire's gouty stool, and eyes fixed on the +carpet, while her hands (never were hands so soft and so small as Lucy's, +though they may have been eclipsed in whiteness) were lightly clasped +together and reposed listlessly on her knees,--the surgeon of the village +abruptly entered with a face full of news and horror. Old Squire Brandon +was one of those persons who always hear news, whatever it may be, later +than any of their neighbours; and it was not till all the gossips of the +neighbourhood had picked the bone of the matter quite bare, that he was +now informed, through the medium of Mr. Pillum, that Lord Mauleverer had +on the preceding night been stopped by three highwaymen in his road to +his country-seat, and robbed to a considerable amount. + +The fame of the worthy Dr. Slopperton's maladventure having long ere this +been spread far and wide, the whole neighbourhood was naturally thrown +into great consternation. Magistrates were sent to, large dogs borrowed, +blunderbusses cleaned, and a subscription made throughout the parish for +the raising of a patrol. There seemed little doubt but that the +offenders in either case were members of the same horde; and Mr. Pillum, +in his own mind, was perfectly convinced that they meant to encroach upon +his trade, and destroy all the surrounding householders who were worth +the trouble. + +The next week passed in the most diligent endeavours, on the part of the +neighbouring magistrates and yeomanry, to detect and seize the robbers; +but their labours were utterly fruitless; and one justice of peace, who +had been particularly active, was himself entirely "cleaned out" by an +old gentleman who, under the name of Mr. Bagshot,--rather an ominous +cognomen,--offered to conduct the unsuspicious magistrate to the very +spot where the miscreants might be seized. No sooner, however, had he +drawn the poor justice away from his comrades into a lonely part of the +road than he stripped him to his shirt. He did not even leave his +worship his flannel drawers, though the weather was as bitter as the dog- +days of 1829. + +"It is not my way," said the hoary ruffian, when the justice petitioned +at least for the latter article of attire,--"'t is not my way. I be 's +slow about my work, but I does it thoroughly; so off with your rags, old +un." + +This was, however, the only additional instance of aggression in the +vicinity of Warlock Manor-house; and by degrees, as the autumn declined, +and no further enormities were perpetrated, people began to look out for +a new topic of conversation. This was afforded them by a piece of +unexpected good fortune to Lucy Brandon: + +Mrs. Warner--an old lady to whom she was slightly related, and with whom +she had been residing during her brief and only visit to London--died +suddenly, and in her will declared Lucy to be her sole heiress. The +property, which was in the Funds, and which amounted to L60,000, was to +be enjoyed by Miss Brandon immediately on her attaining her twenty-first +year; meanwhile the executors to the will were to pay to the young +heiress the annual sum of L600. The joy which this news created in +Warlock Manor-house may easily be conceived. The squire projected +improvements here, and repairs there; and Lucy, poor girl, who had no +idea of money for herself, beyond the purchase of a new pony, or a gown +from London, seconded with affectionate pleasure all her father's +suggestions, and delighted herself with the reflection that those fine +plans, which were to make the Brandons greater than the Brandons ever +were before, were to be realized by her own, own money! It was at this +identical time that the surrounding gentry made a simultaneous and grand +discovery,--namely, of the astonishing merits and great good-sense of Mr. +Joseph Brandon. It was a pity, they observed, that he was of so reserved +and shy a turn,--it was not becoming in a gentleman of so ancient a +family; but why should they not endeavour to draw him from his retirement +into those more public scenes which he was doubtless well calculated to +adorn? + +Accordingly, as soon as the first month of mourning had expired, several +coaches, chariots, chaises, and horses which had never been seen at +Warlock Manor-house before, arrived there one after the other in the most +friendly manner imaginable. Their owners admired everything,--the house +was such a fine relic of old times!--for their parts they liked an oak +staircase!--and those nice old windows!--and what a beautiful peacock!-- +and, Heaven save the mark! that magnificent chestnut-tree was worth a +forest! Mr. Brandon was requested to make one of the county hunt, not +that he any longer hunted himself, but that his name would give such +consequence to the thing! Miss Lucy must come to pass a week with her +dear friends the Honourable Misses Sansterre! Augustus, their brother, +had such a sweet lady's horse! In short, the customary change which +takes place in people's characters after the acquisition of a fortune +took place in the characters of Mr. and Miss Brandon; and when people +become suddenly amiable, it is no wonder that they should suddenly gain a +vast accession of friends. + +But Lucy, though she had seen so little of the world, was not quite +blind; and the squire, though rather obtuse, was not quite a fool. +If they were not rude to their new visitors, they were by no means +overpowered with gratitude at their condescension. Mr. Brandon declined +subscribing to the hunt, and Miss Lucy laughed in the face of the +Honourable Augustus Sansterre. Among their new guests, however, was one +who to great knowledge of the world joined an extreme and even brilliant +polish of manners, which at least prevented deceit from being +disagreeable, if not wholly from being unseen this was the new lieutenant +of the county, Lord Mauleverer. + +Though possessed of an immense property in that district, Lord Mauleverer +had hitherto resided but little on his estates. He was one of those gay +lords who are now somewhat uncommon in this country after mature manhood +is attained, who live an easy and rakish life, rather among their +parasites than their equals, and who yet, by aid of an agreeable manner, +natural talents, and a certain graceful and light cultivation of mind +(not the less pleasant for its being universally coloured with +worldliness, and an amusing rather than offensive regard for self), +never lose their legitimate station in society; who are oracles in dress, +equipages, cookery, and beauty, and, having no character of their own, +are able to fix by a single word a character upon any one else. Thus, +while Mauleverer rather lived the dissolute life of a young nobleman, who +prefers the company of agreeable demireps to that of wearisome duchesses, +than maintained the decorous state befitting a mature age, and an immense +interest in the country, he was quite as popular at court, where he held +a situation in the household, as he was in the green-room, where he +enchanted every actress on the right side of forty. A word from him in +the legitimate quarters of power went further than an harangue from +another; and even the prudes--at least, all those who had daughters-- +confessed that his lordship was a very interesting character. Like +Brandon, his familiar friend, he had risen in the world (from the Irish +baron to the English earl) without having ever changed his politics, +which were ultra-Tory; and we need not observe that he was deemed, like +Brandon, a model of public integrity. He was possessed of two places +under government, six votes in the House of Commons, and eight livings in +the Church; and we must add, in justice to his loyal and religious +principles, that there was not in the three kingdoms a firmer friend to +the existing establishments. + +Whenever a nobleman does not marry, people try to take away his +character. Lord Mauleverer had never married. The Whigs had been very +bitter on the subject; they even alluded to it in the House of Commons,-- +that chaste assembly, where the never-failing subject of reproach against +Mr. Pitt was the not being of an amorous temperament; but they had not +hitherto prevailed against the stout earl's celibacy. It is true that if +he was devoid of a wife, he had secured to himself plenty of substitutes; +his profession was that of a man of gallantry; and though he avoided the +daughters, it was only to make love to the mothers. But his lordship had +now attained a certain age, and it was at last circulated among his +friends that he intended to look out for a Lady Mauleverer. + +"Spare your caresses," said his toady-in-chief to a certain duchess, who +had three portionless daughters; "Mauleverer has sworn that he will not +choose among your order. You know his high politics, and you will not +wonder at his declaring himself averse in matrimony as in morals to a +community of goods." + +The announcement of the earl's matrimonial design and the circulation of +this anecdote set all the clergymen's daughters in England on a blaze of +expectation; and when Mauleverer came to shire, upon obtaining the honour +of the lieutenancy, to visit his estates and court the friendship of his +neighbours, there was not an old-young lady of forty, who worked in +broad-stitch and had never been to London above a week at a time, who did +not deem herself exactly the sort of person sure to fascinate his +lordship. + +It was late in the afternoon when the travelling-chariot of this +distinguished person, preceded by two outriders, in the earl's undress +livery of dark green, stopped at the hall door of Warlock House. The +squire was at home, actually and metaphorically; for he never dreamed of +denying himself to any one, gentle or simple. The door of the carriage +being opened, there descended a small slight man, richly dressed (for +lace and silk vestments were not then quite discarded, though gradually +growing less the mode), and of an air prepossessing and distinguished +rather than dignified. His years--for his countenance, though handsome, +was deeply marked, and evinced the tokens of dissipation--seemed more +numerous than they really were; and though not actually past middle age, +Lord Mauleverer might fairly have received the unpleasing epithet of +elderly. However, his step was firm, his gait upright, and his figure +was considerably more youthful than his physiognomy. The first +compliments of the day having passed, and Lord Mauleverer having +expressed his concern that his long and frequent absence from the county +had hitherto prevented his making the acquaintance of Mr. Brandon, the +brother of one of his oldest and most esteemed friends, conversation +became on both sides rather an effort. Mr. Brandon first introduced the +subject of the weather, and the turnips; inquired whether his lordship +was not very fond (for his part he used to be, but lately the rheumatism +had disabled him; he hoped his lordship was not subject to that +complaint) of shooting! + +Catching only the last words,--for, besides the awful complexity of the +squire's sentences, Mauleverer was slightly affected by the aristocratic +complaint of deafness,--the earl answered, with a smile,-- + +"The complaint of shooting! Very good indeed, Mr. Brandon; it is seldom +that I have heard so witty a phrase. No, I am not in the least troubled +with that epidemic. It is a disorder very prevalent in this county." + +"My lord!" said the squire, rather puzzled; and then, observing that +Mauleverer did not continue, he thought it expedient to start another +subject. + +"I was exceedingly grieved to hear that your lordship, in travelling to +Mauleverer Park (that is a very ugly road across the waste land; the +roads in this country are in general pretty good,--for my own part, when +I was a magistrate I was very strict in that respect), was robbed. You +have not yet, I believe, detected (for my part, though I do not profess +to be much of a politician, I do think that in affairs of robbery there +is a great deal of remissness in the ministers) the villains!" + +"Our friend is disaffected!" thought the lord-lieutenant, imagining that +the last opprobrious term was applied to the respectable personages +specified in the parenthesis. Bowing with a polished smile to the +squire, Mauleverer replied aloud, that he was extremely sorry that their +conduct (meaning the ministers) did not meet with Mr. Brandon's +approbation. + +"Well," thought the squire, "that is playing the courtier with a +vengeance!--Meet with my approbation!" said he, warmly; "how could your +lordship think me (for though I am none of your saints, I am, I hope, a +good Christian; an excellent one, judging from your words, your lordship +must be!) so partial to crime!" + +"I partial to crime!" returned Mauleverer, thinking he had stumbled +unawares on some outrageous democrat, yet smiling as softly as usual; +"you judge me harshly, Mr. Brandon! You must do me more justice, and you +can only do that by knowing me better." + +Whatever unlucky answer the squire might otherwise have made was cut off +by the entrance of Lucy; and the earl, secretly delighted at the +interruption, rose to render her his homage, and to remind her of the +introduction he had formerly been so happy as to obtain to her through +the friendship of Mr. William Brandon,--a "friendship," said the gallant +nobleman, "to which I have often before been indebted, but which was +never more agreeably exerted on my behalf." + +Upon this Lucy, who though she had been so painfully bashful during her +meeting with Mr. Clifford, felt no overpowering diffidence in the +presence of so much greater a person, replied laughingly, and the earl +rejoined by a second compliment. Conversation was now no longer an +effort; and Mauleverer, the most consummate of epicures, whom even +royalty trembled to ask without preparation, on being invited by the +unconscious squire to partake of the family dinner, eagerly accepted the +invitation. It was long since the knightly walls of Warlock had been +honoured by the presence of a guest so courtly. The good squire heaped +his plate with a profusion of boiled beef; and while the poor earl was +contemplating in dismay the Alps upon Alps which he was expected to +devour, the gray-headed butler, anxious to serve him with alacrity, +whipped away the overloaded plate, and presently returned it, yet more +astoundingly surcharged with an additional world of a composition of +stony colour and sudorific aspect, which, after examining in mute +attention for some moments, and carefully removing as well as he was able +to the extreme edge of his plate, the earl discovered to be suet pudding. + +"You eat nothing, my lord," cried the squire; "let me give you--this is +more underdone;" holding between blade and fork in middle air abhorrent +fragment of scarlet, shaking its gory locks,--"another slice." + +Swift at the word dropped upon Mauleverer's plate the harpy finger and +ruthless thumb of the gray-headed butler. "Not a morsel more," cried the +earl, struggling with the murderous domestic. "My dear sir, excuse me; I +assure you I have never ate such a dinner before,--never!" + +"Nay, now!" quoth the squire, expostulating, "you really (and this air is +so keen that your lordship should indulge your appetite, if you follow +the physician's advice) eat nothing!" + +Again Mauleverer was at fault. + +"The physicians are right, Mr. Brandon," said he, "very right, and I am +forced to live abstemiously; indeed I do not know whether, if I were to +exceed at your hospitable table, and attack all that you would bestow +upon me, I should ever recover it. You would have to seek a new +lieutenant for your charming county, and on the tomb of the last +Mauleverer the hypocritical and unrelated heir would inscribe, 'Died of +the visitation of Beef, John, Earl, etc.'" + +Plain as the meaning of this speech might have seemed to others, the +squire only laughed at the effeminate appetite of the speaker, and +inclined to think him an excellent fellow for jesting so good-humouredly +on his own physical infirmity. But Lucy had the tact of her sex, and, +taking pity on the earl's calamitous situation, though she certainly +never guessed at its extent, entered with so much grace and ease into the +conversation which he sought to establish between them, that Mauleverer's +gentleman, who had hitherto been pushed aside by the zeal of the gray- +headed butler, found an opportunity, when the squire was laughing and the +butler staring, to steal away the overburdened plate unsuspected and +unseen. + +In spite, however, of these evils of board and lodgement, Mauleverer was +exceedingly well pleased with his visit; nor did he terminate it till the +shades of night had begun to close, and the distance from his own +residence conspired with experience to remind him that it was possible +for a highwayman's audacity to attack the equipage even of Lord +Mauleverer. He then reluctantly re-entered his carriage, and, bidding +the postilions drive as fast as possible, wrapped himself in his +_roquelaire_, and divided his thoughts between Lucy Brandon and the +_homard au gratin_ with which he proposed to console him self immediately +on his return home. However, Fate, which mocks our most cherished hopes, +ordained that on arriving at Mauleverer Park the owner should be suddenly +afflicted with a loss of appetite, a coldness in the limbs, a pain in the +chest, and various other ungracious symptoms of portending malady. Lord +Mauleverer went straight to bed; be remained there for some days, and +when he recovered his physicians ordered him to Bath. The Whig +Methodists, who hated him, ascribed his illness to Providence; and his +lordship was firmly of opinion that it should be ascribed to the beef and +pudding. However this be, there was an end, for the present, to the +hopes of young ladies of forty, and to the intended festivities at +Mauleverer Park. + +"Good heavens!" said the earl, as his carriage wheels turned from his +gates, "what a loss to country tradesmen may be occasioned by a piece of +underdone beef, especially if it be boiled!" + +About a fortnight had elapsed since Mauleverer's meteoric visit to +Warlock House, when the squire received from his brother the following +epistle:-- + + MY DEAR JOSEPH,--You know my numerous avocations, and, amid the + press of business which surrounds me, will, I am sure, forgive me + for being a very negligent and remiss correspondent. Nevertheless, + I assure you, no one can more sincerely sympathize in that good + fortune which has befallen my charming niece, and of which your last + letter informed me, than I do. Pray give my best love to her, and + tell her how complacently I look forward to the brilliant sensation + she will create, when her beauty is enthroned upon that rank which, + I am quite sure, it will one day or other command. + + You are not aware, perhaps, my dear Joseph, that I have for some + time been in a very weak and declining state of health. The old + nervous complaint in my face has of late attacked me grievously, and + the anguish is sometimes so great that I am scarcely able to bear + it. I believe the great demand which my profession makes upon a + frame of body never strong, and now beginning prematurely to feel + the infirmities of time, is the real cause of my maladies. At last, + however, I must absolutely punish my pocket, and indulge my + inclinations by a short respite from toil. The doctors--sworn + friends, you know, to the lawyers, since they make common cause + against mankind--have peremptorily ordered me to lie by, and to try + a short course of air, exercise, social amusements, and the waters + of Bath. Fortunately this is vacation time, arid I can afford to + lose a few weeks of emolument, in order, perhaps, to secure many + years of life. I purpose, then, early next week, repairing to that + melancholy reservoir of the gay, where persons dance out of life and + are fiddled across the Styx. In a word, I shall make one of the + adventurers after health who seek the goddess at King Bladud's pump- + room. Will you and dear Lucy join me there? I ask it of your + friendship, and I am quite sure that neither of you will shrink + aghast at the proposal of solacing your invalid relation. At the + same time that I am recovering health, my pretty niece will be + avenging Pluto, by consigning to his dominions many a better and + younger hero in my stead. And it will be a double pleasure to me to + see all the hearts, etc.--I break off, for what can I say on that + subject which the little coquette does not anticipate? It is high + time that Lucy should see the world; and though there are many--at + Bath, above all places, to whom the heiress will be an object of + interested attentions, yet there are also many in that crowded city + by no means undeserving her notice. What say you, dear Joseph? But + I know already: you will not refuse to keep company with me in my + little holiday; and Lucy's eyes are already sparkling at the idea of + new bonnets, Milsom Street, a thousand adorers, and the pump-room. + + Ever, dear Joseph, yours affectionately, + + WILLIAM BRANDON. + + P. S. I find that my friend Lord Mauleverer is at Bath; I own that + is an additional reason to take me thither; by a letter from him, + received the other day, I see that he has paid you a visit, and he + now raves about his host and the heiress. Ah, Miss Lucy, Miss Lucy! + are you going to conquer him whom all London has, for years more + than I care to tell (yet not many, for Mauleverer is still young), + assailed in vain? Answer me! + + +This letter created a considerable excitement in Warlock House. The old +squire was extremely fond of his brother, and grieved to the heart to +find that he spoke so discouragingly of his health. Nor did the squire +for a moment hesitate at accepting the proposal to join his distinguished +relative at Bath. Lucy also--who had for her uncle, possibly from his +profuse yet not indelicate flattery, a very great regard and interest, +though she had seen but little of him--urged the squire to lose no time +in arranging matters for their departure, so as to precede the barrister, +and prepare everything for his arrival. The father and daughter being +thus agreed, there was little occasion for delay; an answer to the +invalid's letter was sent by return of post, and on the fourth day from +their receipt of the said epistle, the good old squire, his daughter, a +country girl by way of abigail, the gray-headed butler, and two or +three live pets, of the size and habits most convenient for travelling, +were on their way to a city which at that time was gayer at least, if +somewhat less splendid, than the metropolis. + +On the second day of their arrival at Bath, Brandon (as in future, to +avoid confusion, we shall call the younger brother, giving to the elder +his patriarchal title of squire) joined them. + +He was a man seemingly rather fond of parade, though at heart he +disrelished and despised it. He came to their lodging, which had not +been selected in the very best part of the town, in a carriage and six, +but attended only by one favourite servant. + +They found him in better looks and better spirits than they had +anticipated. Few persons, when he liked it, could be more agreeable than +William Brandon; but at times there mixed with his conversation a bitter +sarcasm, probably a habit acquired in his profession, or an occasional +tinge of morose and haughty sadness, possibly the consequence of his ill- +health. Yet his disorder, which was somewhat approaching to that painful +affliction the _tic douloureux_, though of fits more rare in occurrence +than those of that complaint ordinarily are, never seemed even for an +instant to operate upon his mood, whatever that might be. That disease +worked unseen; not a muscle of his face appeared to quiver; the smile +never vanished from his mouth, the blandness of his voice never grew +faint as with pain, and, in the midst of intense torture, his resolute +and stern mind conquered every external indication; nor could the most +observant stranger have noted the moment when the fit attacked or +released him. There was something inscrutable about the man. You felt +that you took his character upon trust, and not on your own knowledge. +The acquaintance of years would have left you equally dark as to his +vices or his virtues. He varied often, yet in each variation he was +equally undiscoverable. Was he performing a series of parts, or was it +the ordinary changes of a man's true temperament that you beheld in him? +Commonly smooth, quiet, attentive, flattering in social intercourse, he +was known in the senate and courts of law for a cold asperity, and a +caustic venom,--scarcely rivalled even in those arenas of contention. It +seemed as if the bitterer feelings he checked in private life, he +delighted to indulge in public. Yet even there he gave not way to +momentary petulance or gushing passion; all seemed with him systematic +sarcasm or habitual sternness. He outraged no form of ceremonial or of +society. He stung, without appearing conscious of the sting; and his +antagonist writhed not more beneath the torture of his satire than the +crushing contempt of his self-command. Cool, ready, armed and defended +on all points, sound in knowledge, unfailing in observation, equally +consummate in sophistry when needed by himself, and instantaneous in +detecting sophistry in another; scorning no art, however painful; +begrudging no labour, however weighty; minute in detail, yet not the less +comprehending the whole subject in a grasp,--such was the legal and +public character William Brandon had established, and such was the fame +he joined to the unsullied purity of his moral reputation. But to his +friends he seemed only the agreeable, clever, lively, and, if we may use +the phrase innocently, the worldly man,--never affecting a superior +sanctity, or an over-anxiety to forms, except upon great occasions; and +rendering his austerity of manners the more admired, because he made it +seem so unaccompanied by hypocrisy. + +"Well," said Brandon, as he sat after dinner alone with his relations, +and had seen the eyes of his brother close in diurnal slumber, "tell me, +Miss Lucy, what you think of Lord Mauleverer; do you find him agreeable?" + +"Very; too much so, indeed!" + +"Too much so! That is an uncommon fault, Lucy, unless you mean to +insinuate that you find him too agreeable for your peace of mind." + +"Oh, no! there is little fear of that. All that I meant to express was +that he seems to make it the sole business of his life to be agreeable, +and that one imagines he had gained that end by the loss of certain +qualities which one would have liked better." + +"Umph! and what are they?" + +"Truth, sincerity, independence, and honesty of mind." + +"My dear Lucy, it has been the professional study of my life to discover +a man's character, especially so far as truth is concerned, in as short a +time as possible; but you excel me in intuition, if you can tell whether +there be sincerity in a courtier's character at the first interview you +have with him." + +"Nevertheless, I am sure of my opinion," said Lucy, laughing; "and I will +tell you one instance I observed among a hundred. Lord Mauleverer is +rather deaf, and he imagined, in conversation, that my father said one +thing--it was upon a very trifling subject, the speech of some member of +parliament [the lawyer smiled],--when in reality he meant to say another. +Lord Mauleverer, in the warmest manner in the world, chimed in with him, +appeared thoroughly of his opinion, applauded his sentiments, and wished +the whole country of his mind. Suddenly my father spoke; Lord Mauleverer +bent down his ear, and found that the sentiments he had so lauded were +exactly those my father the least favoured. No sooner did he make this +discovery than he wheeled round again,--dexterously and gracefully, I +allow; condemned all that he had before extolled, and extolled all that +he had before abused!" + +"And is that all, Lucy?" said Brandon, with a keener sneer on his lip +than the occasion warranted. "Why, that is what every one does; only +some more gravely than others. Mauleverer in society, I at the bar, the +minister in parliament, friend to friend, lover to mistress, mistress to +lover,--half of us are employed in saying white is black, and the other +half in swearing that black is white. There is only one difference, my +pretty niece, between the clever man and the fool: the fool says what is +false while the colours stare in his face and give him the lie; but the +clever man takes as it were a brush and literally turns the black into +white and the white into black before he makes the assertion, which is +then true. The fool changes, and is a liar; the clever man makes the +colours change, and is a genius. But this is not for your young years +yet, Lucy." + +"But I can't see the necessity of seeming to agree with people," said +Lucy, simply; "surely they would be just as well pleased if you differed +from them civilly and with respect?" + +"No, Lucy," said Brandon, still sneering; "to be liked, it is not +necessary to be anything but compliant. Lie, cheat, make every word a +snare, and every act a forgery; but never contradict. Agree with people, +and they make a couch for you in their hearts. You know the story of +Dante and the buffoon. Both were entertained at the court of the vain +pedant, who called himself Prince Scaliger,--the former poorly, the +latter sumptuously. 'How comes it,' said the buffoon to the poet, 'that +I am so rich and you so poor?' 'I shall be as rich as you,' was the +stinging and true reply, 'whenever I can find a patron as like myself as +Prince Scaliger is like you!'" + +"Yet my birds," said Lucy, caressing the goldfinch, which nestled to her +bosom, "are not like me, and I love them. Nay, I often think I could +love those better who differ from me the most. I feel it so in books,-- +when, for instance, I read a novel or a play; and you, uncle, I like +almost in proportion to my perceiving in myself nothing in common with +you." + +"Yes," said Brandon, "you have in common with me a love for old stories +of Sir Hugo and Sir Rupert, and all the other 'Sirs' of our mouldered and +bygone race. So you shall sing me the ballad about Sir John de Brandon, +and the dragon he slew in the Holy Land. We will adjourn to the drawing- +room, not to disturb your father." + +Lucy agreed, took her uncle's arm, repaired to the drawing-room, and +seating herself at the harpsichord, sang to an inspiriting yet somewhat +rude air the family ballad her uncle had demanded. + +It would have been amusing to note in the rigid face of the hardened and +habitual man of peace and parchments a certain enthusiasm which ever and +anon crossed his cheek, as the verses of the ballad rested on some +allusion to the knightly House of Brandon and its old renown. It was an +early prejudice, breaking out despite of himself,--a flash of character, +stricken from the hard fossil in which it was imbedded. One would have +supposed that the silliest of all prides (for the pride of money, though +meaner, is less senseless), family pride, was the last weakness which at +that time the callous and astute lawyer would have confessed, even to +himself. + +"Lucy," said Brandon, as the song ceased, and he gazed on his beautiful +niece with a certain pride in his aspect, "I long to witness your first +appearance in the world. This lodging, my dear, is not fit--But pardon +me! what I was about to say is this: your father and yourself are here at +my invitation, and in my house you must dwell; you are my guests, not +mine host and hostess. I have therefore already directed my servant to +secure me a house and provide the necessary establishment; and I make no +doubt, as he is a quick fellow, that within three days all will be ready. +You must then be the magnet of my abode, Lucy; and meanwhile you must +explain this to my brother, and--for you know his jealous hospitality-- +obtain his acquiescence." + +"But--" began Lucy. + +"But me no buts," said Brandon, quickly, but with an affectionate tone of +wilfulness; "and now, as I feel very much fatigued with my journey, you +must allow me to seek my own room." + +"I will conduct you to it myself," said Lucy, for she was anxious to show +her father's brother the care and forethought which she had lavished on +her arrangements for his comfort. Brandon followed her into an apartment +which his eye knew at a glance had been subjected to that female +superintendence which makes such uses from what men reject as +insignificant; and he thanked her with more than his usual amenity, for +the grace which had presided over, and the kindness which had dictated +her preparations. As soon as he was left alone, he wheeled his armchair +near the clear, bright fire, and resting his face upon his hand, in the +attitude of a man who prepares himself as it were for the indulgence of +meditation, he muttered,-- + +"Yes! these women are, first, what Nature makes them, and that is good; +next, what use make them, and that is evil! Now, could I persuade myself +that we ought to be nice as to the use we put these poor puppets to, I +should shrink from enforcing the destiny which I have marked for this +girl. But that is a pitiful consideration, and he is but a silly player +who loses his money for the sake of preserving his counters. So the +young lady must go as another score to the fortunes of William Brandon. +After all, who suffers? Not she. She will have wealth, rank, honour. +I shall suffer, to yield so pretty and pure a gem to the coronet of-- +Faugh! How I despise that dog; but how I could hate, crush, mangle him, +could I believe that he despised me! Could he do so? Umph! No, I have +resolved myself that is impossible. Well, let me hope that matrimonial +point will be settled; and now let me consider what next step I shall +take for myself,--myself, ay, only myself! With me perishes the last +male of Brandon; but the light shall not go out under a bushel." + +As he said this, the soliloquist sunk into a more absorbed and silent +revery, from which he was disturbed by the entrance of his servant. +Brandon, who was never a dreamer save when alone, broke at once from his +reflections. + +"You have obeyed my orders, Barlow?" said he. + +"Yes, sir," answered the domestic. "I have taken the best house yet +unoccupied; and when Mrs. Roberts [Brandon's housekeeper] arrives from +London, everything will, I trust, be exactly to your wishes." + +"Good! And you gave my note to Lord Mauleverer?" + +"With my own hands, sir; his lordship will await you at home all +to-morrow." + +"Very well! and now, Barlow, see that your room is within call [bells, +though known, were not common at that day], and give out that I am gone +to bed, and must not be disturbed. What's the hour?" + +"Just on the stroke of ten, sir." + +"Place on that table my letter-case and the inkstand. Look in, to help +me to undress, at half-past one; I shall go to bed at that hour. And-- +stay--be sure, Barlow, that my brother believes me retired for the night. +He does not know my habits, and will vex himself if he thinks I sit up so +late in my present state of health." + +Drawing the table with its writing appurtenances near to his master, the +servant left Brandon once more to his thoughts or his occupations. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + Servant. Get away, I say, wid dat nasty bell. + + Punch. Do you call this a bell? (patting it.) It is an + organ. + + Servant. I say it is a bell,--a nasty bell! + + Punch. I say it is an organ (striking him with it). What do + you say it is now? + + Servant. An organ, Mr. Punch! + + The Tragical Comedy of Punch and Judy. + +The next morning, before Lucy and her father had left their apartments, +Brandon, who was a remarkably early riser, had disturbed the luxurious +Mauleverer in his first slumber. Although the courtier possessed a villa +some miles from Bath, he preferred a lodging in the town, both as being +warmer than a rarely inhabited country-house, and as being to an indolent +man more immediately convenient for the gayeties and the waters of the +medicinal city. As soon as the earl had rubbed his eyes, stretched +himself, and prepared himself for the untimeous colloquy, Brandon poured +forth his excuses for the hour he had chosen for a visit. "Mention it +not, my dear Brandon," said the good-natured nobleman, with a sigh; "I am +glad at any hour to see you, and I am very sure that what you have to +communicate is always worth listening to." + +"It was only upon public business, though of rather a more important +description than usual, that I ventured to disturb you," answered +Brandon, seating himself on a chair by the bedside. "This morning, an +hour ago, I received by private express a letter from London, stating +that a new arrangement will positively be made in the Cabinet,--nay, +naming the very promotions and changes. I confess that as my name +occurred, as also your own, in these nominations, I was anxious to have +the benefit of your necessarily accurate knowledge on the subject, as +well as of your advice." + +"Really, Brandon," said Mauleverer, with a half-peevish smile, "any other +hour in the day would have done for 'the business of the nation,' as the +newspapers call that troublesome farce we go through; and I had imagined +you would not have broken my nightly slumbers except for something of +real importance,--the discovery of a new beauty or the invention of a new +dish." + +"Neither the one nor the other could you have expected from me, my dear +lord," rejoined Brandon. "You know the dry trifles in which a lawyer's +life wastes itself away; and beauties and dishes have no attraction for +us, except the former be damsels deserted, and the latter patents +invaded. But my news, after all, is worth hearing, unless you have heard +it before." + +"Not I! but I suppose I shall hear it in the course of the day. Pray +Heaven I be not sent for to attend some plague of a council. Begin!" + +"In the first place Lord Duberly resolves to resign, unless this +negotiation for peace be made a Cabinet question." + +"Pshaw! let him resign. I have opposed the peace so long that it is out +of the question. Of course, Lord Wansted will not think of it, and he +may count on my boroughs. A peace!--shameful, disgraceful, dastardly +proposition!" + +"But, my dear lord, my letter says that this unexpected firmness on the +part of Lord Daberly has produced so great a sensation that, seeing the +impossibility of forming a durable Cabinet without him, the king has +consented to the negotiation, and Duberly stays in!" + +"The devil!--what next?" + +"Raffden and Sternhold go out in favour of Baldwin and Charlton, and in +the hope that you will lend your aid to--" + +"I!" said Lord Mauleverer, very angrily,--"I lend my aid to Baldwin, the +Jacobin, and Charlton, the son of a brewer!" + +"Very true!" continued Brandon. "But in the hope that you might be +persuaded to regard the new arrangements with an indulgent eye, you are +talked of instead of the Duke of for the vacant garter and the office of +chamberlain." + +"You don't mean it!" cried Mauleverer, starting from his bed. + +"A few other (but, I hear, chiefly legal) promotions are to be made. +Among the rest, my learned brother, the democrat Sarsden, is to have a +silk gown; Cromwell is to be attorney-general; and, between ourselves, +they have offered me a judgeship." + +"But the garter!" said Mauleverer, scarcely hearing the rest of the +lawyer's news,--"the whole object, aim, and ambition of my life. How +truly kind in the king! After all," continued the earl, laughing, and +throwing himself back, "opinions are variable, truth is not uniform. The +times change, not we; and we must have peace instead of war!" + +"Your maxims are indisputable, and the conclusion you come to is +excellent," said Brandon. + +"Why, you and I, my dear fellow," said the earl, "who know men, and who +have lived all our lives in the world, must laugh behind the scenes at +the cant we wrap in tinsel, and send out to stalk across the stage. We +know that our Coriolanus of Tory integrity is a corporal kept by a +prostitute, and the Brutus of Whig liberty is a lacquey turned out of +place for stealing the spoons; but we must not tell this to the world. +So, Brandon, you must write me a speech for the next session, and be sure +it has plenty of general maxims, and concludes with 'my bleeding +country!'" + +The lawyer smiled. "You consent then to the expulsion of Sternhold and +Raffden? for, after all, that is the question. Our British vessel, as +the d---d metaphor-mongers call the State, carries the public good safe +in the hold like brandy; and it is only when fear, storm, or the devil +makes the rogues quarrel among themselves and break up the casks, that +one gets above a thimbleful at a time. We should go on fighting with the +rest of the world forever, if the ministers had not taken to fight among +themselves." + +"As for Sternhold," said the earl, "'t is a vulgar dog, and voted for +economical reform. Besides, I don't know him; he may go to the devil, +for aught I care; but Raffden must be dealt handsomely with, or, despite +the garter, I will fall back among the Whigs, who, after all, give +tolerable dinners." + +"But why, my lord, must Raffden be treated better than his brother +recusant?" + +"Because he sent me, in the handsomest manner possible, a pipe of that +wonderful Madeira, which you know I consider the chief grace of my +cellars, and he gave up a canal navigation bill, which would have +enriched his whole county, when he knew that it would injure my property. +No, Brandon, curse public cant! we know what that is. But we are +gentlemen, and our private friends must not be thrown overboard,--unless, +at least, we do it in the civilest manner we can." + +"Fear not," said the lawyer; "you have only to say the word, and the +Cabinet can cook up an embassy to Owhyhee, and send Raffden there with a +stipend of five thousand a year." + +"Ah! that's well thought of; or we might give him a grant of a hundred +thousand acres in one of the colonies, or let him buy crown land at a +discount of eighty per cent. So that's settled." + +"And now, my dear friend," said Brandon, "I will tell you frankly why I +come so early; I am required to give a hasty answer to the proposal I +have received, namely, of the judgeship. Your opinion?" + +"A judgeship! you a judge? What! forsake your brilliant career for so +petty a dignity? You jest!" + +"Not at all. Listen. You know how bitterly I have opposed this peace, +and what hot enemies I have made among the new friends of the +administration. On the one hand, these enemies insist on sacrificing me; +and on the other, if I were to stay in the Lower House and speak for what +I have before opposed, I should forfeit the support of a great portion of +my own party. Hated by one body, and mistrusted by the other, a seat in +the House of Commons ceases to be an object. It is proposed that I +should retire on the dignity of a judge, with the positive and pledged +though secret promise of the first vacancy among the chiefs. The place +of chief-justice or chief-baron is indeed the only fair remuneration for +my surrender of the gains of my profession, and the abandonment of my +parliamentary and legal career; the title, which will of course be +attached to it, might go (at least, by an exertion of interest) to the +eldest son of my niece,--in case she married a commoner,--or," added he, +after a pause, "her second son in case she married a peer." + +"Ha, true!" said Mauleverer, quickly, and as if struck by some sudden +thought; "and your charming niece, Brandon, would be worthy of any +honour, either to her children or herself. You do not know how struck I +was with her. There is something so graceful in her simplicity; and in +her manner of smoothing down the little rugosities of Warlock House there +was so genuine and so easy a dignity that I declare I almost thought +myself young again, and capable of the self-cheat of believing myself in +love. But, oh! Brandon, imagine me at your brother's board,--me, for +whom ortolans are too substantial, and who feel, when I tread, the +slightest inequality in the carpets of Tournay,--imagine me, dear +Brandon, in a black wainscot room, hung round with your ancestors in +brown wigs with posies in their button-hole; an immense fire on one side, +and a thorough draught on the other; a huge circle of beef before me, +smoking like Vesuvius, and twice as large; a plateful (the plate was +pewter,--is there not a metal so called?) of this mingled flame and lava +sent under my very nostril, and upon pain of ill-breeding to be +despatched down my proper mouth; an old gentleman in fustian breeches and +worsted stockings, by way of a butler, filling me a can of ale, and your +worthy brother asking me if I would not prefer port; a lean footman in +livery,--such a livery, ye gods!--scarlet, blue, yellow, and green, a +rainbow ill made!--on the opposite side of the table, looking at the +'Lord' with eyes and mouth equally open, and large enough to swallow me; +and your excellent brother himself at the head of the table glowing +through the mists of the beef, like the rising sun in a signpost; and +then, Brandon, turning from this image, behold beside me the fair, +delicate, aristocratic, yet simple loveliness of your niece, and--But you +look angry; I have offended you?" + +It was high time for Mauleverer to ask that question, for during the +whole of the earl's recital the dark face of his companion had literally +burned with rage; and here we may observe how generally selfishness, +which makes the man of the world, prevents its possessor, by a sort of +paradox, from being consummately so. For Mauleverer, occupied by the +pleasure he felt at his own wit, and never having that magic sympathy +with others which creates the incessantly keen observer, had not for a +moment thought that he was offending to the quick the hidden pride of the +lawyer. Nay, so little did he suspect Brandon's real weaknesses that he +thought him a philosopher who would have laughed alike at principles and +people, however near to him might be the latter, and however important +the former. Mastering by a single effort, which restored his cheek to +its usual steady hue, the outward signs of his displeasure, Brandon +rejoined,-- + +"Offend me! By no means, my dear lord. I do not wonder at your painful +situation in an old country-gentleman's house, which has not for +centuries offered scenes fit for the presence of so distinguished a +guest,--never, I may say, since the time when Sir Charles de Brandon +entertained Elizabeth at Warlock, and your ancestor (you know my old +musty studies on those points of obscure antiquity), John Mauleverer, who +was a noted goldsmith of London, supplied the plate for the occasion." + +"Fairly retorted," said Mauleverer, smiling; for though the earl had a +great contempt for low birth set on high places in other men, he was +utterly void of pride in his own family,--"fairly retorted! But I never +meant anything else but a laugh at your brother's housekeeping,--a joke +surely permitted to a man whose own fastidiousness on these matters is so +standing a jest. But, by heavens, Brandon! to turn from these subjects, +your niece is the prettiest girl I have seen for twenty years; and if she +would forget my being the descendant of John Mauleverer, the noted +goldsmith of London, she may be Lady Mauleverer as soon as she pleases." + +"Nay, now, let us be serious, and talk of the judgeship," said Brandon, +affecting to treat the proposal as a joke. + +"By the soul of Sir Charles de Brandon, I am serious!" cried the earl; +"and as a proof of it, I hope you will let me pay my respects to your +niece to-day,--not with my offer in my hand yet, for it must be a love +match on both sides." And the earl, glancing towards an opposite glass, +which reflected his attenuated but comely features beneath his velvet +nightcap trimmed with Mechlin, laughed half-triumphantly as he spoke. + +A sneer just passed the lips of Brandon, and as instantly vanished, while +Mauleverer continued,-- + +"And as for the judgeship, dear Brandon, I advise you to accept it, +though you know best; and I do think no man will stand a fairer chance of +the chief-justiceship,--or, though it be somewhat unusual for 'common' +lawyers, why not the woolsack itself? As you say, the second son of your +niece might inherit the dignity of a peerage!" + +"Well, I will consider of it favourably," said Brandon; and soon +afterwards he left the nobleman to renew his broken repose. + +"I can't laugh at that man," said Mauleverer to himself, as he turned +round in his bed, "though he has much that I should laugh at in another; +and, faith, there is one little matter I might well scorn him for, if I +were not a philosopher. 'T is a pretty girl, his niece, and with proper +instructions might do one credit; besides, she has L60,000 ready money; +and, faith, I have not a shilling for my own pleasure, though I have--or +alas! had--fifty thousand a year for that of my establishment! In all +probability she will be the lawyer's heiress, and he must have made at +least as much again as her portion; nor is he, poor devil, a very good +life. Moreover, if he rise to the peerage? and the second son--Well! +well! it will not be such a bad match for the goldsmith's descendant +either!" + +With that thought, Lord Mauleverer fell asleep. He rose about noon, +dressed himself with unusual pains, and was just going forth on a visit +to Miss Brandon, when he suddenly remembered that her uncle had not +mentioned her address or his own. He referred to the lawyer's note of +the preceding evening; no direction was inscribed on it; and Mauleverer +was forced, with much chagrin, to forego for that day the pleasure he had +promised himself. + +In truth, the wary lawyer, who, as we have said, despised show and +outward appearances as much as any man, was yet sensible of their effect +even in the eyes of a lover; and moreover, Lord Mauleverer was one whose +habits of life were calculated to arouse a certain degree of vigilance on +points of household pomp even in the most unobservant. Brandon therefore +resolved that Lucy should not be visited by her admirer till the removal +to their new abode was effected; nor was it till the third day from that +on which Mauleverer had held with Brandon the interview we have recorded, +that the earl received a note from Brandon, seemingly turning only on +political matters, but inscribed with the address and direction in full +form. + +Mauleverer answered it in person. He found Lucy at home, and more +beautiful than ever; and from that day his mind was made up, as the +mammas say, and his visits became constant. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + There is a festival where knights and dames, + And aught that wealth or lofty lineage claims, + Appear. + + 'T is he,--how came he thence? + What doth he here? + Lara. + +There are two charming situations in life for a woman,--one, the first +freshness of heiressship and beauty; the other, youthful widowhood, with +a large jointure. It was at least Lucy's fortune to enjoy the first. No +sooner was she fairly launched into the gay world than she became the +object of universal idolatry. Crowds followed her wherever she moved +nothing was talked of or dreamed of, toasted or betted on, but Lucy +Brandon; even her simplicity, and utter ignorance of the arts of fine +life, enhanced the eclat of her reputation. Somehow or other, young +people of the gentler sex are rarely ill-bred, even in their +eccentricities; and there is often a great deal of grace in inexperience. +Her uncle, who accompanied her everywhere, himself no slight magnet of +attraction, viewed her success with a complacent triumph which he +suffered no one but her father or herself to detect. To the smooth +coolness of his manner, nothing would have seemed more foreign than pride +at the notice gained by a beauty, or exultation at any favour won from +the caprices of fashion. As for the good old squire, one would have +imagined him far more the invalid than his brother. He was scarcely ever +seen; for though he went everywhere, he was one of those persons who sink +into a corner the moment they enter a room. Whoever discovered him in +his retreat, held out their hands, and exclaimed, "God bless me! you +here! We have not seen you for this age!" Now and then, if in a very +dark niche of the room a card-table had been placed, the worthy gentleman +toiled through an obscure rubber; but more frequently he sat with his +hands clasped and his mouth open, counting the number of candles in the +room, or calculating "when that stupid music would be over." + +Lord Mauleverer, though a polished and courteous man, whose great object +was necessarily to ingratiate himself with the father of his intended +bride, had a horror of being bored, which surpassed all other feelings in +his mind. He could not therefore persuade himself to submit to the +melancholy duty of listening to the squire's "linked speeches long drawn +out." He always glided by the honest man's station, seemingly in an +exceeding hurry, with a "Ah, my dear sir, how do you do? How delighted I +am to see you! And your incomparable daughter? Oh, there she is! +Pardon me, dear sir,--you see my attraction." + +Lucy, indeed, who never forgot any one (except herself occasionally), +sought her father's retreat as often as she was able; but her engagements +were so incessant that she no sooner lost one partner than she was +claimed and carried off by another. However, the squire bore his +solitude with tolerable cheerfulness, and always declared that "he was +very well amused; although balls and concerts were necessarily a little +dull to one who came from a fine old place like Warlock Manor-house, and +it was not the same thing that pleased young ladies (for, to them, that +fiddling and giggling till two o'clock in the morning might be a very +pretty way of killing time) and their papas!" + +What considerably added to Lucy's celebrity was the marked notice and +admiration of a man so high in rank and ton as Lord Mauleverer. That +personage, who still retained much of a youthful mind and temper, and who +was in his nature more careless than haughty, preserved little or no +state in his intercourse with the social revellers at Bath. He cared not +whither he went, so that he was in the train of the young beauty; and the +most fastidious nobleman of the English court was seen in every second +and third rate set of a great watering-place,--the attendant, the flirt, +and often the ridicule of the daughter of an obscure and almost +insignificant country squire. Despite the honour of so distinguished a +lover, and despite all the novelties of her situation, the pretty head of +Lucy Brandon was as yet, however, perfectly unturned; and as for her +heart, the only impression that it had ever received was made by that +wandering guest of the village rector, whom she had never again seen, but +who yet clung to her imagination, invested not only with all the graces +which in right of a singularly handsome person he possessed, but with +those to which he never could advance a claim,--more dangerous to her +peace, for the very circumstance of their origin in her fancy, not his +merits. + +They had now been some little time at Bath, and Brandon's brief respite +was pretty nearly expired, when a public ball of uncommon and manifold +attraction was announced. It was to be graced not only by the presence +of all the surrounding families, but also by that of royalty itself; it +being an acknowledged fact that people dance much better and eat much +more supper when any relation to a king is present. + +"I must stay for this ball, Lucy," said Brandon, who, after spending the +day with Lord Mauleverer, returned home in a mood more than usually +cheerful,--"I must stay for this one ball, Lucy, and witness your +complete triumph, even though it will be necessary to leave you the very +next morning." + +"So soon!" cried Lucy. + +"So soon!" echoed the uncle, with a smile. "How good you are to speak +thus to an old valetudinarian, whose company must have fatigued you to +death! Nay, no pretty denials! But the great object of my visit to this +place is accomplished: I have seen you, I have witnessed your debut in +the great world, with, I may say, more than a father's exultation, and I +go back to my dry pursuits with the satisfaction of thinking our old and +withered genealogical tree has put forth one blossom worthy of its +freshest day." + +"Uncle!" said Lucy, reprovingly, and holding up her taper finger with an +arch smile, mingling with a blush, in which the woman's vanity spoke, +unknown to herself. + +"And why that look, Lucy?" said Brandon. + +"Because--because--well, no matter! you have been bred to that trade in +which, as you say yourself, men tell untruths for others till they lose +all truth for themselves. But let us talk of you, not me; are you really +well enough to leave us?" + +Simple and even cool as the words of Lucy's question, when written, +appear, in her mouth they took so tender, so anxious a tone, that +Brandon, who had no friend nor wife nor child, nor any one in his +household in whom interest in his health or welfare was a thing of +course, and who was consequently wholly unaccustomed to the accent of +kindness, felt himself of a sudden touched and stricken. + +"Why, indeed, Lucy," said he, in a less artificial voice than that in +which he usually spoke, "I should like still to profit by your cares, and +forget my infirmities and pains in your society; but I cannot: the tide +of events, like that of nature, waits not our pleasure!" + +"But we may take our own time for setting sail!" said Lucy. + +"Ay, this comes of talking in metaphor," rejoined Brandon, smiling; "they +who begin it always get the worst of it. In plain words, dear Lucy, I +can give no more time to my own ailments. A lawyer cannot play truant in +term-time without--" + +"Losing a few guineas!" said Lucy, interrupting him. + +"Worse than that,--his practice and his name." + +"Better those than health and peace of mind." + +"Out on you, no!" said Brandon, quickly, and almost fiercely. "We waste +all the greenness and pith of our life in striving to gain a +distinguished slavery; and when it is gained, we must not think that an +humble independence would have been better. If we ever admit that +thought, what fools, what lavish fools, we have been! No!" continued +Brandon, after a momentary pause, and in a tone milder and gayer, though +not less characteristic of the man's stubbornness of will, "after losing +all youth's enjoyments and manhood's leisure, in order that in age the +mind, the all-conquering mind, should break its way at last into the +applauding opinions of men, I should be an effeminate idler indeed, did I +suffer, so long as its jarring parts hold together, or so long as I have +the power to command its members, this weak body to frustrate the labour +of its better and nobler portion, and command that which it is ordained +to serve." + +Lucy knew not while she listened, half in fear, half in admiration, to +her singular relation, that at the very moment he thus spoke, his disease +was preying upon him in one of its most relentless moods, without the +power of wringing from him a single outward token of his torture. But +she wanted nothing to increase her pity and affection for a man who in +consequence, perhaps, of his ordinary surface of worldly and cold +properties of temperament never failed to leave an indelible impression +on all who had ever seen that temperament broken through by deeper though +often by more evil feelings. + +"Shall you go to Lady--------'s rout?" asked Brandon, easily sliding +back into common topics. "Lord Mauleverer requested me to ask you." + +"That depends on you and my father." + +"If on me, I answer yes," said Brandon. "I like hearing Mauleverer, +especially among persons who do not understand him. There is a refined +and subtle sarcasm running through the commonplaces of his conversation, +which cuts the good fools, like the invisible sword in the fable, that +lopped off heads without occasioning the owners any other sensation +than a pleasing and self-complacent titillation. How immeasurably +superior he is in manner and address to all we meet here! Does it not +strike you?" + +"Yes--no--I can't say that it does exactly," rejoined Lucy. + +"Is that confusion tender?" thought Brandon. + +"In a word," continued Lucy, "Lord Mauleverer is one whom I think +pleasing without fascination, and amusing without brilliancy. He is +evidently accomplished in mind and graceful in manner, and withal the +most uninteresting person I ever met." + +"Women have not often thought so," said Brandon. "I cannot believe that +they can think otherwise." + +A certain expression, partaking of scorn, played over Brandon's hard +features. It was a noticeable trait in him, that while he was most +anxious to impress Lucy with a favourable opinion of Lord Mauleverer, he +was never quite able to mask a certain satisfaction at any jest at the +earl's expense, or any opinion derogatory to his general character for +pleasing the opposite sex; and this satisfaction was no sooner conceived +than it was immediately combated by the vexation he felt that Lucy did +not seem to share his own desire that she should become the wife of the +courtier. There appeared as if in that respect there was a contest in +his mind between interest on one hand and private dislike or contempt on +the other. + +"You judge women wrongly!" said Brandon. "Ladies never know each other; +of all persons, Mauleverer is best calculated to win them, and experience +has proved my assertion. The proudest lot I know for a woman would be +the thorough conquest of Lord Mauleverer; but it is impossible. He may +be gallant, but he will never be subdued. He defies the whole female +world, and with justice and impunity. Enough of him. Sing to me, dear +Lucy." + +The time for the ball approached; and Lucy, who was a charming girl and +had nothing of the angel about her, was sufficiently fond of gayety, +dancing, music, and admiration to feel her heart beat high at the +expectation of the event. + +At last the day itself came. Brandon dined alone with Mauleverer, having +made the arrangement that he, with the earl, was to join his brother and +niece at the ball. Mauleverer, who hated state, except on great +occasions, when no man displayed it with a better grace, never suffered +his servants to wait at dinner when he was alone or with one of his +peculiar friends. The attendants remained without, and were summoned at +will by a bell laid beside the host. + +The conversation was unrestrained. + +"I am perfectly certain, Brandon," said Mauleverer, "that if you were to +live tolerably well, you would soon get the better of your nervous +complaints. It is all poverty of blood, believe me. Some more of the +fins, eh?--No! Oh, hang your abstemiousness; it is d----d unfriendly to +eat so little! Talking of fins and friends, Heaven defend me from ever +again forming an intimacy with a pedantic epicure, especially if he +puns!" + +"Why, what has a pedant to do with fins?" + +"I will tell you,--ah, this madeira--I suggested to Lord Dareville, who +affects the gourmand, what a capital thing a dish all fins (turbot's +fins) might be made. 'Capital!' said he, in a rapture; 'dine on it with +me to-morrow.' 'Volontiers!' said I. The next day, after indulging in a +pleasing revery all the morning as to the manner in which Dareville's +cook, who is not without genius, would accomplish the grand idea, I +betook myself punctually to my engagement. Would you believe it? When +the cover was removed, the sacrilegious dog of an Amphitryon had put into +the dish Cicero's 'De Finibus.' 'There is a work all fins!' said he. +"Atrocious jest!" exclaimed Brandon, solemnly. + +"Was it not? Whenever the gastronomists set up a religious inquisition, +I trust they will roast every impious rascal who treats the divine +mystery with levity. Pun upon cooking, indeed! _A propos_ of Dareville, +he is to come into the administration." + +"You astonish me!" said Brandon. "I never heard that; I don't know him. +He has very little power; has he any talent?" + +"Yes, a very great one,--acquired, though." + +"What is it?" + +"A pretty wife!" + +"My lord!" exclaimed Brandon, abruptly, and half rising from his seat. + +Mauleverer looked up hastily, and on seeing the expression of his +companion's face coloured deeply; there was a silence for some moments. + +"Tell me," said Brandon, indifferently, helping himself to vegetables, +for he seldom touched meat; and a more amusing contrast can scarcely be +conceived than that between the earnest epicurism of Mauleverer and the +careless contempt of the sublime art manifested by his guest,--"tell me, +you who necessarily know everything, whether the government really is +settled,--whether you are to have the garter, and I (mark the +difference!) the judgeship." + +"Why so, I imagine, it will be arranged; namely, if you will consent to +hang up the rogues instead of living by the fools!" + +"One may unite both!" returned Brandon. "But I believe, in general, it +is vice versa; for we live by the rogues, and it is only the fools we are +able to hang up. You ask me if I will take the judgeship. I would not-- +no, I would rather cut my hand off," and the lawyer spoke with great +bitterness, "forsake my present career, despite all the obstacles that +now encumber it, did I think that this miserable body would suffer me for +two years longer to pursue it." + +"You shock me!" said Mauleverer, a little affected, but nevertheless +applying the cayenne to his cucumber with his usual unerring nicety of +tact,--"you shock me; but you are considerably better than you were." + +"It is not," continued Brandon, who was rather speaking to himself than +to his friend,--"it is not that I am unable to conquer the pain and to +master the recreant nerves; but I feel myself growing weaker and weaker +beneath the continual exertion of my remaining powers, and I shall die +before I have gained half my objects, if I do not leave the labours which +are literally tearing me to pieces." + +"But," said Lord Mauleverer, who was the idlest of men, "the judgeship is +not an easy sinecure." + +"No; but there is less demand on the mind in that station than in my +present one;" and Brandon paused before he continued. "Candidly, +Mauleverer, you do not think they will deceive me,--you do not think they +mean to leave me to this political death without writing 'Resurgam' +over the hatchment?" + +"They dare not!" said Mauleverer, quaffing his fourth glass of madeira. + +"Well, I have decided on my change of life," said the lawyer, with a +slight sigh. + +"So have I on my change of opinion," chimed in the earl. "I will tell +you what opinions seem to me like." + +"What?" said Brandon, abstractedly. + +"Trees!" answered Mauleverer, quaintly. "If they can be made serviceable +by standing, don't part with a stick; but when they are of that growth +that sells well, or whenever they shut out a fine prospect, cut them +down, and pack them off by all manner of means!--And now for the second +course." + +"I wonder," said the earl, when our political worthies were again alone, +"whether there ever existed a minister who cared three straws for the +people; many care for their party, but as for the country--" + +"It is all fiddlestick!" added the lawyer, with more significance than +grace. + +"Right; it is all fiddlestick, as you tersely express it. King, +Constitution, and Church, forever! which, being interpreted, means, +first, King or Crown influence, judgeships, and garters; secondly, +Constitution, or fees to the lawyer, places to the statesman, laws for +the rich, and Game Laws for the poor; thirdly, Church, or livings for our +younger sons, and starvings for their curates!" + +"Ha, ha!" said Brandon, laughing sardonically; "we know human nature!" + +"And how it may be gulled!" quoth the courtier. "Here's a health to your +niece; and may it not be long before you hail her as your friend's +bride!" + +"Bride, et cetera," said Brandon, with a sneer meant only for his own +satisfaction. "But mark me, my dear lord, do not be too sure of her. +She is a singular girl, and of more independence than the generality of +women. She will not think of your rank and station in estimating you; +she will think only of their owner; and pardon me if I suggest to you, +who know the sex so well, one plan that it may not be unadvisable for you +to pursue. Don't let her fancy you entirely hers; rouse her jealousy, +pique her pride, let her think you unconquerable, and unless she is +unlike all women, she will want to conquer you." + +The earl smiled. "I must take my chance!" said he, with a confident +tone. + +"The hoary coxcomb!" muttered Brandon, between his teeth; "now will his +folly spoil all." + +"And that reminds me," continued Mauleverer, "that time wanes, and dinner +is not over; let us not hurry, but let us be silent, to enjoy the more. +These truffles in champagne,--do taste them; they would raise the dead." + +The lawyer smiled, and accepted the kindness, though he left the delicacy +untouched; and Mauleverer, whose soul was in his plate, saw not the +heartless rejection. + +Meanwhile the youthful beauty had already entered the theatre of +pleasure, and was now seated with the squire at the upper end of the +half-filled ball-room. + +A gay lady of the fashion at that time, and of that half and half rank to +which belonged the aristocracy of Bath,--one of those curious persons we +meet with in the admirable novels of Miss Burney, as appertaining to the +order of fine ladies,--made the trio with our heiress and her father, and +pointed out to them by name the various characters that entered the +apartments. She was still in the full tide of scandal, when an unusual +sensation was visible in the environs of the door; three strangers of +marked mien, gay dress, and an air which, though differing in each, was +in all alike remarkable for a sort of "dashing" assurance, made their +_entree_. One was of uncommon height, and possessed of an exceedingly +fine head of hair; another was of a more quiet and unpretending aspect, +but nevertheless he wore upon his face a supercilious yet not ill- +humoured expression; the third was many years younger than his +companions, strikingly handsome in face and figure, altogether of a +better taste in dress, and possessing a manner that, though it had equal +ease, was not equally noticeable for impudence and swagger. + +"Who can those be?" said Lucy's female friend, in a wondering tone. "I +never saw them before,--they must be great people,--they have all the +airs of persons of quality! Dear, how odd that I should not know them!" + +While the good lady, who, like all good ladies of that stamp, thought +people of quality had airs, was thus lamenting her ignorance of the +new-comers, a general whisper of a similar import was already circulating +round the room, "Who are they?" and the universal answer was, "Can't +tell,--never saw them before!" + +Our strangers seemed by no means displeased with the evident and +immediate impression they had made. They stood in the most conspicuous +part of the room, enjoying among themselves a low conversation, +frequently broken by fits of laughter,--tokens, we need not add, of their +supereminently good breeding. The handsome figure of the youngest +stranger, and the simple and seemingly unconscious grace of his attitudes +were not, however, unworthy of the admiration he excited; and even his +laughter, rude as it really was, displayed so dazzling a set of teeth, +and was accompanied by such brilliant eyes, that before he had been ten +minutes in the room there was scarcely a young lady under thirty-nine not +disposed to fall in love with him. + +Apparently heedless of the various remarks which reached their ears, our +strangers, after they had from their station sufficiently surveyed the +beauties of the ball, strolled arm-in-arm through the rooms. Having +sauntered through the ball and card rooms, they passed the door that led +to the entrance passage, and gazed, with other loiterers, upon the +new-comers ascending the stairs. Here the two younger strangers renewed +their whispered conversation, while the eldest, who was also the tallest +one, carelessly leaning against the wall, employed himself for a few +moments in thrusting his fingers through his hair. In finishing this +occupation, the peculiar state of his rules forced itself upon the +observation of our gentleman, who, after gazing for some moments on an +envious rent in the right ruffle, muttered some indistinct words, like +"the cock of that confounded pistol," and then tucked up the mutilated +ornament with a peculiarly nimble motion of the fingers of his left hand; +the next moment, diverted by a new care, the stranger applied his digital +members to the arranging and caressing of a remarkably splendid brooch, +set in the bosom of a shirt the rude texture of which formed a singular +contrast with the magnificence of the embellishment and the fineness of +the one ruffle suffered by our modern Hyperion to make its appearance +beneath his cinnamon-coloured coatsleeve. These little personal +arrangements completed, and a dazzling snuff-box released from the +confinement of a side-pocket, tapped thrice, and lightened of two pinches +of its titillating luxury, the stranger now, with the guardian eye of +friendship, directed a searching glance to the dress of his friends. +There all appeared meet for his strictest scrutiny, save, indeed, that +the supercilious-looking stranger having just drawn forth his gloves, the +lining of his coat-pocket which was rather soiled into the bargain--had +not returned to its internal station; the tall stranger, seeing this +little inelegance, kindly thrust three fingers with a sudden and light +dive into his friend's pocket, and effectually repulsed the forwardness +of the intrusive lining. The supercilious stranger no sooner felt the +touch than he started back, and whispered to his officious companion,-- + +"What! among friends, Ned! Fie now; curb the nature of thee for one +night at least." + +Before he of the flowing locks had time to answer, the master of the +ceremonies, who had for the last three minutes been eying the strangers +through his glass, stepped forward with a sliding bow; and the handsome +gentleman, taking upon himself the superiority and precedence over his +comrades, was the first to return the courtesy. He did this with so good +a grace and so pleasing an expression of countenance that the censor of +bows was charmed at once, and with a second and more profound salutation +announced himself and his office. "You would like to dance probably, +gentlemen?" he asked, glancing at each, but directing his words to the +one who had prepossessed him. + +"You are very good," said the comely stranger; "and, for my part, I shall +be extremely indebted to you for the exercise of your powers in my +behalf. Allow me to return with you to the ball-room, and I can there +point out to you the objects of my especial admiration." + +The master of the ceremonies bowed as before, and he and his new +acquaintance strolled into the ball-room, followed by the two comrades of +the latter. + +"Have you been long in Bath, sir?" inquired the monarch of the rooms. + +"No, indeed! we only arrived this evening." + +"From London?" + +"No; we made a little tour across the country." + +"Ah! very pleasant, this fine weather." + +"Yes; especially in the evenings." + +"Oho! romantic!" thought the man of balls, as he rejoined aloud, "Why, +the nights are agreeable, and the moon is particularly favourable to us." + +"Not always!" quoth the stranger. + +"True, true, the night before last was dark; but, in general, surely the +moon has been very bright." + +The stranger was about to answer, but checked himself, and simply bowed +his head as in assent. + +"I wonder who they are!" thought the master of the ceremonies. "Pray, +sir," said he, in a low tone, "is that gentle man, that tall gentleman, +any way related to Lord ----------? I cannot but think I see a family +likeness." + +"Not in the least related to his lordship," answered the stranger; "but +he is of a family that have made a noise in the world; though he, as well +as my other friend, is merely a commoner!" laying a stress on the last +word. + +"Nothing, sir, can be more respectable than a commoner of family," +returned the polite Mr. -------, with a bow. + +"I agree with you, sir," answered the stranger, with another. "But, +heavens!"--and the stranger started; for at that moment his eye caught +for the first time, at the far end of the room, the youthful and +brilliant countenance of Lucy Brandon,--"do I see rightly, or is that +Miss Brandon?" + +"It is indeed that lovely young lady," said Mr. -------. "I congratulate +you on knowing one so admired. I suppose that you, being blessed with +her acquaintance, do not need the formality of my introduction?" + +"Umph!" said the stranger, rather shortly and uncourteously. "No! +Perhaps you had better present me!" + +"By what name shall I have that honour, sir?" discreetly inquired the +nomenclator. + +"Clifford!" answered the stranger; "Captain Clifford!" Upon this the +prim master of the ceremonies, threading his path through the now fast- +filling room, approached towards Lucy to obey Mr. Clifford's request. +Meanwhile that gentleman, before he followed the steps of the tutelary +spirit of the place, paused and said to his friends, in a tone careless +yet not without command, "Hark ye, gentlemen; oblige me by being as civil +and silent as ye are able; and don't thrust yourselves upon me, as you +are accustomed to do, whenever you see no opportunity of indulging me +with that honour with the least show of propriety!" So saying, and +waiting no reply, Mr. Clifford hastened after the master of the +ceremonies. + +"Our friend grows mighty imperious!" said Long Ned, whom our readers have +already recognized in the tall stranger. + +"'T is the way with your rising geniuses," answered the moralizing +Augustus Tomlinson. "Suppose we go to the cardroom and get up a rubber!" + +"Well thought of," said Ned, yawning,--a thing he was very apt to do in +society; "and I wish nothing worse to those who try our rubbers than that +they may be well cleaned by them." Upon this witticism the Colossus of +Roads, glancing towards the glass, strutted off, arm-in-arm with his +companion, to the card-room. + +During this short conversation the re-introduction of Mr. Clifford (the +stranger of the Rectory and deliverer of Dr. Slopperton) to Lucy Brandon +had been effected, and the hand of the heiress was already engaged, +according to the custom of that time, for the two ensuing dances. + +It was about twenty minutes after the above presentation had taken place +that Lord Mauleverer and William Brandon entered the rooms; and the buzz +created by the appearance of the noted peer and the distinguished lawyer +had scarcely subsided, before the royal personage expected to grace the +"festive scene" (as the newspapers say of a great room with plenty of +miserable-looking people in it) arrived. The most attractive persons in +Europe may be found among the royal family of England, and the great +personage then at Bath, in consequence of certain political intrigues, +wished, at that time especially, to make himself as popular as possible. +Having gone the round of the old ladies, and assured them, as the "Court +Journal" assures the old ladies at this day, that they were "morning +stars" and "swan-like wonders," the prince espied Brandon, and +immediately beckoned to him with a familiar gesture. The smooth but +saturnine lawyer approached the royal presence with the manner that +peculiarly distinguished him, and which blended in no ungraceful +mixture a species of stiffness that passed with the crowd for native +independence, with a supple insinuation that was usually deemed the token +of latent benevolence of heart. There was something, indeed, in +Brandon's address that always pleased the great; and they liked him the +better because, though he stood on no idle political points, mere +differences in the view taken of a hairbreadth,--such as a corn-law or a +Catholic bill, alteration in the Church or a reform in parliament,--yet +he invariably talked so like a man of honour (except when with +Mauleverer) that his urbanity seemed attachment to individuals, and his +concessions to power sacrifices of private opinion for the sake of +obliging his friends. + +"I am very glad indeed," said the royal personage, "to see Mr. Brandon +looking so much better. Never was the crown in greater want of his +services; and if rumour speak true, they will soon be required in another +department of his profession." + +Brandon bowed, and answered,-- + +"So please your royal highness, they will always be at the command of a +king from whore I have experienced such kindness, in any capacity for +which his Majesty may deem them fitting." + +"It is true, then!" said his royal highness, significantly. "I +congratulate you! The quiet dignity of the bench must seem to you a +great change after a career so busy and restless." + +"I fear I shall feel it so at first, your royal highness," answered +Brandon, "for I like even the toil of my profession; and at this moment, +when I am in full practice, it more than ever--But" (checking himself at +once) "his Majesty's wishes, and my satisfaction in complying with them, +are more than sufficient to remove any momentary regret I might otherwise +have felt in quitting those toils which have now become to me a second +nature." + +"It is possible," rejoined the prince, "that his Majesty took into +consideration the delicate state of health which, in common with the +whole public, I grieve to see the papers have attributed to one of the +most distinguished ornaments of the bar." + +"So please your royal highness," answered Brandon, coolly, and with a +smile which the most piercing eye could not have believed the mask to the +agony then gnawing at his nerves, "it is the interest of my rivals to +exaggerate the little ailments of a weak constitution. I thank +Providence that I am now entirely recovered; and at no time of my life +have I been less unable to discharge--so far as my native and mental, +incapacities will allow--the duties of any occupation, however arduous. +Nay, as the brute grows accustomed to the mill, so have I grown wedded to +business; and even the brief relaxation I have now allowed myself seems +to me rather irksome than pleasurable." + +"I rejoice to hear you speak thus," answered his royal highness, warmly; +"and I trust for many years, and," added he, in a lower tone, "in the +highest chamber of the senate, that we may profit by your talents. The +times are those in which many occasions occur that oblige all true +friends of the Constitution to quit minor employment for that great +constitutional one that concerns us all, the highest and the meanest; +and" (the royal voice sank still lower) "I feel justified in assuring you +that the office of chief-justice alone is not considered by his Majesty +as a sufficient reward for your generous sacrifice of present ambition to +the difficulties of government." + +Brandon's proud heart swelled, and that moment the veriest pains of hell +would scarcely have been felt. + +While the aspiring schemer was thus agreeably engaged, Mauleverer, +sliding through the crowd with that grace which charmed every one, old +and young, and addressing to all he knew some lively or affectionate +remark, made his way to the dancers, among whom he had just caught a +glimpse of Lucy. "I wonder," he thought, "whom she is dancing with. I +hope it is that ridiculous fellow, Mossop, who tells a good story against +himself; or that handsome ass, Belmont, who looks at his own legs, +instead of seeming to have eyes for no one but his partner. Ah! if +Tarquin had but known women as well as I do, he would have had no reason +to be rough with Lucretia. 'T is a thousand pities that experience +comes, in women as in the world, just when it begins to be no longer of +use to us!" + +As he made these moral reflections, Mauleverer gained the dancers, and +beheld Lucy listening, with downcast eyes and cheeks that evidently +blushed, to a young man whom Mauleverer acknowledged at once to be one of +the best-looking fellows he had ever seen. The stranger's countenance, +despite an extreme darkness of complexion, was, to be sure, from the +great regularity of the features, rather effeminate; but, on the other +hand, his figure, though slender and graceful, betrayed to an experienced +eye an extraordinary proportion of sinew and muscle; and even the dash of +effeminacy in the countenance was accompanied by so manly and frank an +air, and was so perfectly free from all coxcombry or self-conceit, that +it did not in the least decrease the prepossessing effect of his +appearance. An angry and bitter pang shot across that portion of +Mauleverer's frame which the earl thought fit, for want of another name, +to call his heart. "How cursedly pleased she looks!" muttered he. "By +Heaven! that stolen glance under the left eyelid, dropped as suddenly as +it is raised; and he--ha! how firmly he holds that little hand! I think +I see him paddle with it; and then the dog's earnest, intent look,--and +she all blushes, though she dare not look up to meet his gaze, feeling it +by intuition. Oh, the demure, modest, shamefaced hypocrite! How silent +she is! She can prate enough to me! I would give my promised garter if +she would but talk to him. Talk, talk, laugh, prattle, only simper, in +God's name, and I shall be happy. But that bashful, blushing silence,-- +it is insupportable. Thank Heaven, the dance is over! Thank Heaven, +again! I have not felt such pains since the last nightmare I had after +dining with her father!" + +With a face all smiles, but with a mien in which more dignity than he +ordinarily assumed was worn, Mauleverer now moved towards Lucy, who was +leaning on her partner's arm. The earl, who had ample tact where his +consummate selfishness did not warp it, knew well how to act the lover, +without running ridiculously into the folly of seeming to play the hoary +dangler. He sought rather to be lively than sentimental; and beneath the +wit to conceal the suitor. + +Having paid, then, with a careless gallantry his first compliments, he +entered into so animated a conversation, interspersed with so many naive +yet palpably just observations on the characters present, that perhaps he +had never appeared to more brilliant advantage. At length, as the music +was about to recommence, Mauleverer, with a careless glance at Lucy's +partner, said, "Will Miss Brandon now allow me the agreeable duty of +conducting her to her father?" + +"I believe," answered Lucy, and her voice suddenly became timid, "that, +according to the laws of the rooms, I am engaged to this gentleman for +another dance." + +Clifford, in an assured and easy tone, replied in assent. + +As he spoke. Mauleverer honoured him with a more accurate survey than he +had hitherto bestowed on him; and whether or not there was any expression +of contempt or superciliousness in the survey, it was sufficient to call +up the indignant blood to Clifford's cheek. Returning the look with +interest, he said to Lucy, "I believe, Miss Brandon, that the dance is +about to begin;" and Lucy, obeying the hint, left the aristocratic +Mauleverer to his own meditations. + +At that moment the master of the ceremonies came bowing by, half afraid +to address so great a person as Mauleverer, but willing to show his +respect by the profoundness of his salutation. + +"Aha! my dear Mr. -------!" said the earl, holding out both his hands to +the Lycurgus of the rooms; "how are you? Pray can you inform me who that +young man is, now dancing with Miss Brandon?" + +"It is--let me see-oh! it is a Captain Clifford, my lord! a very fine +young man, my lord! Has your lordship never met him?" + +"Never! Who is he? One under your more especial patronage?" said the +earl, smiling. + +"Nay, indeed!" answered the master of the ceremonies, with a simper of +gratification; "I scarcely know who he is yet; the captain only made his +appearance here to-night for the first time. He came with two other +gentlemen,--ah! there they are!" and he pointed the earl's scrutinizing +attention to the elegant forms of Mr. Augustus Tomlinson and Mr. Ned +Pepper, just emerging from the card-rooms. The swagger of the latter +gentleman was so peculiarly important that Mauleverer, angry as he was, +could scarcely help laughing. The master of the ceremonies noted the +earl's countenance, and remarked that "that fine-looking man seemed +disposed to give himself airs." + +"Judging from the gentleman's appearance," said the earl, dryly (Ned's +face, to say truth, did betoken his affection for the bottle), "I should +imagine that he was much more accustomed to give himself thorough +draughts!" + +"Ah!" renewed the arbiter elegantiarum, who had not heard Mauleverer's +observation, which was uttered in a very low voice,--"ah! they seem real +dashers!" + +"Dashers!" repeated Mauleverer; "true, haberdashers!" Long Ned now, +having in the way of his profession acquitted himself tolerably well at +the card-table, thought he had purchased the right to parade himself +through the rooms, and show the ladies what stuff a Pepper could be made +of. + +Leaning with his left hand on Tomlinson's arm, and employing the right in +fanning himself furiously with his huge chapeau bras, the lengthy +adventurer stalked slowly along, now setting out one leg jauntily, now +the other, and ogling "the ladies" with a kind of Irish look,--namely, a +look between a wink and a stare. + +Released from the presence of Clifford, who kept a certain check on his +companions, the apparition of Ned became glaringly conspicuous; and +wherever he passed, a universal whisper succeeded. + +"Who can he be?" said the widow Matemore. "'T is a droll creature; but +what a head of hair!" + +"For my part," answered the spinster Sneerall, "I think he is a linen- +draper in disguise; for I heard him talk to his companion of 'tape.'" + +"Well, well," thought Mauleverer, "it would be but kind to seek out +Brandon, and hint to him in what company his niece seems to have fallen!" +And so thinking, he glided to the corner where, with a gray-headed old +politician, the astute lawyer was conning the affairs of Europe. + +In the interim the second dance had ended, and Clifford was conducting +Lucy to her seat, each charmed with the other, when he found himself +abruptly tapped on the back, and turning round in alarm,--for such taps +were not unfamiliar to him,--he saw the cool countenance of Long Ned, +with one finger sagaciously laid beside the nose. + +"How now?" said Clifford, between his ground teeth; "did I not tell thee +to put that huge bulk of thine as far from me as possible?" + +"Humph!" granted Ned; "if these are my thanks, I may as well keep my +kindness to myself; but know you, my kid, that Lawyer Brandon is here, +peering through the crowd at this very moment, in order to catch a +glimpse of that woman's face of thine." + +"Ha!" answered Clifford, in a very quick tone; "begone, then! I will +meet you without the rooms immediately." Clifford now turned to his +partner, and bowing very low, in reality to hide his face from those +sharp eyes which had once seen it in the court of Justice Burnflat, said: +"I trust, madam, I shall have the honour to meet you again. Is it, if I +may be allowed to ask, with your celebrated uncle that you are staying, +or--" + +"With my father," answered Lucy, concluding the sentence Clifford had +left unfinished; "but my uncle has been with us, though I fear he leaves +us to-morrow." + +Clifford's eyes sparkled; he made no answer, but bowing again, receded +into the crowd and disappeared. Several times that night did the +brightest eyes in Somersetshire rove anxiously round the rooms in search +of our hero; but he was seen no more. + +It was on the stairs that Clifford encountered his comrades; taking an +arm of each, he gained the door without any adventure worth noting, save +that, being kept back by the crowd for a few moments, the moralizing +Augustus Tomlinson, who honoured the moderate Whigs by enrolling himself +among their number, took up, _pour passer le temps_, a tall gold-headed +cane, and weighing it across his finger with a musing air, said, "Alas! +among our supporters we often meet heads as heavy, but of what a +different metal!" The crowd now permitting, Augustus was walking away +with his companions, and, in that absence of mind characteristic of +philosophers, unconsciously bearing with him the gold-headed object of +his reflection, when a stately footman, stepping up to him, said, "Sir, +my cane!" + +"Cane, fellow!" said Tomlinson. "Ah, I am so absent! Here is thy cane. +Only think of my carrying off the man's cane, Ned! Ha, ha!" + +"Absent indeed!" grunted a knowing chairman, watching the receding +figures of the three gentlemen; "body o' me! but it was the cane that +was about to be absent!" + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + Whackum. My dear rogues, dear boys, Bluster and Dingboy! you + are the bravest fellows that ever scoured yet!--SUADWELL: + Scourers. + + Cato, the Thessalian, was wont to say that some things may be + done unjustly, that many things may be done justly.--LORD BACON + (being a, justification of every rascality). + +Although our three worthies had taken unto themselves a splendid lodging +in Milsom Street, which, to please Ned, was over a hairdresser's shop, +yet, instead of returning thither, or repairing to such taverns as might +seem best befitting their fashion and garb, they struck at once from the +gay parts of the town, and tarried not till they reached a mean-looking +alehouse in a remote suburb. + +The door was opened to them by an elderly lady; and Clifford, stalking +before his companions into an apartment at the back of the house, asked +if the other gentlemen were come yet. + +"No," returned the dame. "Old Mr. Bags came in about ten minutes ago; +but hearing more work might be done, he went out again." + +"Bring the lush and the pipes, old blone!" cried Ned, throwing himself on +a bench; "we are never at a loss for company!" + +"You, indeed, never can be, who are always inseparably connected with the +object of your admiration," said Tomlin, son, dryly, and taking up an old +newspaper. Ned, who, though choleric, was a capital fellow, and could +bear a joke on himself, smiled, and drawing forth a little pair of +scissors, began trimming his nails. + +"Curse me," said he, after a momentary silence, "if this is not a +devilish deal pleasanter than playing the fine gentleman in that great +room, with a rose in one's button-hole! What say you, Master Lovett?" + +Clifford (as henceforth, despite his other aliases, we shall denominate +our hero), who had thrown himself at full length on a bench at the far +end of the room, and who seemed plunged into a sullen revery, now looked +up for a moment, and then, turning round and presenting the dorsal part +of his body to Long Ned, muttered, "Fish!" + +"Harkye, Master Lovett!" said Long Ned, colouring. "I don't know what +has come over you of late; but I would have you to learn that gentlemen +are entitled to courtesy and polite behaviour; and so, d' ye see, if you +ride your high horse upon me, splice my extremities if I won't have +satisfaction!" + +"Hist, man! be quiet," said Tomlinson, philosophically, snuffing the +candles,-- + + "'For companions to quarrel, + Is extremely immoral.' + +"Don't you see that the captain is in a revery? What good man ever loves +to be interrupted in his meditations? Even Alfred the Great could not +bear it! Perhaps at this moment, with the true anxiety of a worthy +chief, the captain is designing something for our welfare!" + +"Captain indeed!" muttered Long Ned, darting a wrathful look at Clifford, +who had not deigned to pay any attention to Mr. Pepper's threat; "for my +part I cannot conceive what was the matter with us when we chose this +green slip of the gallows-tree for our captain of the district. To be +sure, he did very well at first, and that robbery of the old lord was not +ill-planned; but lately--" + +"Nay, nay," quoth Augustus, interrupting the gigantic grumbler; "the +nature of man is prone to discontent. Allow that our present design of +setting up the gay Lothario, and trying our chances at Bath for an +heiress, is owing as much to Lovett's promptitude as to our invention." + +"And what good will come of it?" returned Ned, as he lighted his pipe; +"answer me that. Was I not dressed as fine as a lord, and did not I walk +three times up and down that great room without being a jot the better +for it?" + +"Ah! but you know not how many secret conquests you may have made. You +cannot win a prize by looking upon it." + +"Humph!" grunted Ned, applying himself discontentedly to the young +existence of his pipe. + +"As for the captain's partner," renewed Tomlinson, who maliciously +delighted in exciting the jealousy of the handsome "tax-collector,"--for +that was the designation by which Augustus thought proper to style +himself and companions,--"I will turn Tory if she be not already half in +love with him; and did you hear the old gentleman who cut into our rubber +say what a fine fortune she had? Faith, Ned, it is lucky for us two that +we all agreed to go shares in our marriage speculations; I fancy the +worthy captain will think it a bad bargain for himself." + +"I am not so sure of that, Mr. Tomlinson," said Long Ned, sourly eying +his comrade. "Some women may be caught by a smooth skin and a showy +manner; but real masculine beauty,--eyes, colour, and hair,--Mr. +Tomlinson, must ultimately make its way; so hand me the brandy, and cease +your jaw." + +"Well, well," said Tomlinson, "I'll give you a toast,--'The prettiest +girl in England,' and that's Miss Brandon!" + +"You shall give no such toast, sir!" said Clifford, starting from the +bench. "What the devil is Miss Brandon to you? And now, Ned," seeing +that the tall hero looked on him with an unfavourable aspect, "here's my +hand; forgive me if I was uncivil. Tomlinson will tell you, in a maxim, +men are changeable. Here's to your health; and it shall not be my fault, +gentlemen, if we have not a merry evening!" + +This speech, short as it was, met with great applause from the two +friends; and Clifford, as president, stationed himself in a huge chair at +the head of the table. Scarcely had he assumed this dignity, before the +door opened, and half-a-dozen of the gentlemen confederates trooped +somewhat noisily into the apartment. + +"Softly, softly, messieurs," said the president, recovering all his +constitutional gayety, yet blending it with a certain negligent command, +--"respect for the chair, if you please! 'T is the way with all +assemblies where the public purse is a matter of deferential interest!" + +"Hear him!" cried Tomlinson. + +"What, my old friend Bags!" said the president; "you have not come empty- +handed, I will swear; your honest face is like the table of contents to +the good things in your pockets!" + +"Ah, Captain Clifford," said the veteran, groaning, and shaking his +reverend head, "I have seen the day when there was not a lad in England +forked so largely, so comprehensively-like, as I did. But, as King Lear +says at Common Garden, 'I be's old now!'" + +"But your zeal is as youthful as ever, my fine fellow," said the captain, +soothingly; "and if you do not clean out the public as thoroughly as +heretofore, it is not the fault of your inclinations." + +"No, that it is not!" cried the "tax-collectors" unanimously. + +"And if ever a pocket is to be picked neatly, quietly, and effectually," +added the complimentary Clifford, "I do not know to this day, throughout +the three kingdoms, a neater, quieter, and more effective set of fingers +than Old Bags's!" + +The veteran bowed disclaimingly, and took his seat among the heartfelt +good wishes of the whole assemblage. + +"And now, gentlemen," said Clifford, as soon as the revellers had +provided themselves with their wonted luxuries, potatory and fumous, "let +us hear your adventures, and rejoice our eyes with their produce. The +gallant Attie shall begin; but first, a toast,--'May those who leap from +a hedge never leap from a tree!'" + +This toast being drunk with enthusiastic applause, Fighting Attie began +the recital of his little history. + +"You sees, Captain," said he, putting himself in a martial position, and +looking Clifford full in the face, "that I'm not addicted to much +blarney. Little cry and much wool is my motto. At ten o'clock A.M. saw +the enemy--in the shape of a Doctor of Divinity. 'Blow me,' says I to +Old Bags, 'but I 'll do his reverence!' 'Blow me,' says Old Bags, 'but +you sha' n't,--you'll have us scragged if you touches the Church.' 'My +grandmother!' says I. Bags tells the pals,--all in a fuss about it,-- +what care I? I puts on a decent dress, and goes to the doctor as a +decayed soldier wot supplies the shops in the turning line. His +reverence--a fat jolly dog as ever you see--was at dinner over a fine +roast pig; so I tells him I have some bargains at home for him. Splice +me, if the doctor did not think he had got a prize; so he puts on his +boots, and he comes with me to my house. But when I gets him into a +lane, out come my pops. 'Give up, Doctor,' says I; 'others must share +the goods of the Church now.' You has no idea what a row he made; but I +did the thing, and there's an end on't." + +"Bravo, Attie!" cried Clifford; and the word echoed round the board. +Attie put a purse on the table, and the next gentleman was called to +confession. + +"It skills not, boots not," gentlest of readers, to record each of the +narratives that now followed one another. Old Bags, in especial, +preserved his well-earned reputation by emptying six pockets, which had +been filled with every possible description of petty valuables. Peasant +and prince appeared alike to have come under his hands; and perhaps the +good old man had done in the town more towards effecting an equality of +goods among different ranks than all the Reformers, from Cornwall to +Carlisle. Yet so keen was his appetite for the sport that the veteran +appropriator absolutely burst into tears at not having "forked more." + +"I love a warm-hearted enthusiasm," cried Clifford, handling the +movables, while he gazed lovingly on the ancient purloiner. "May new +cases never teach us to forget Old Bags!" + +As soon as this "sentiment" had been duly drunk, and Mr. Bagshot had +dried his tears and applied himself to his favourite drink,--which, by +the way, was "blue ruin,"--the work of division took place. The +discretion and impartiality of the captain in this arduous part of his +duty attracted universal admiration; and each gentleman having carefully +pouched his share, the youthful president hemmed thrice, and the society +became aware of a purposed speech. + +"Gentlemen!" began Clifford,--and his main supporter, the sapient +Augustus, shouted out, "Hear!"--"gentlemen, you all know that when some +months ago you were pleased, partly at the instigation of Gentleman +George--God bless him!--partly from the exaggerated good opinion +expressed of me by my friends, to elect me to the high honour of the +command of this district, I myself was by no means ambitious to assume +that rank, which I knew well was far beyond my merits, and that +responsibility which I knew with equal certainty was too weighty for my +powers. Your voices, however, overruled my own; and as Mr. Muddlepud, +the great metaphysician, in that excellent paper, 'The Asinaeum,' was +wont to observe, 'the susceptibilities, innate, extensible, +incomprehensible, and eternal,' existing in my bosom, were infinitely +more powerful than the shallow suggestions of reason,--that ridiculous +thing which all wise men and judicious Asinaeans sedulously stifle." + +"Plague take the man! what is he talking about?" said Long Ned, who we +have seen was of an envious temper, in a whisper to Old Bags. Old Bags +shook his head. + +"In a word, gentlemen," renewed Clifford, "your kindness overpowered me; +and despite my cooler inclinations, I accepted your flattering proposal. +Since then I have endeavoured, so far as I have been able, to advance +your interests; I have kept a vigilant eye upon all my neighbours; I +have, from county to county, established numerous correspondents; and our +exertions have been carried on with a promptitude that has ensured +success. + +"Gentlemen, I do not wish to boast; but on these nights of periodical +meetings, when every quarter brings us to go halves,--when we meet in +private to discuss the affairs of the public, show our earnings as it +were in privy council, and divide them amicably as it were in the Cabinet +["Hear! hear!" from Mr. Tomlinson],--it is customary for your captain for +the time being to remind you of his services, engage your pardon for his +deficiencies, and your good wishes for his future exertions. Gentlemen, +has it ever been said of Paul Lovett that he heard of a prize and forgot +to tell you of his news? ["Never! never!" loud cheering.] Has it ever +been said of him that he sent others to seize the booty, and stayed at +home to think how it should be spent? ["No! no!" repeated cheers.] Has +it ever been said of him that he took less share than his due of your +danger, and more of your guineas? [Cries in the negative, accompanied +with vehement applause.] Gentlemen, I thank you for these flattering and +audible testimonials in my favour; but the points on which I have dwelt, +however necessary to my honour, would prove but little for my merits; +they might be worthy notice in your comrade, you demand more subtle +duties in your chief. Gentlemen, has it ever been said of Paul Lovett +that he sent out brave men on forlorn hopes; that he hazarded your own +heads by rash attempts in acquiring pictures of King George's; that zeal, +in short, was greater in him than caution, or that his love of a quid (A +guinea) ever made him neglectful of your just aversion to a quod? (A +prison) [Unanimous cheering.] + +"Gentlemen, since I have had the honour to preside over your welfare, +Fortune, which favours the bold, has not been unmerciful to you! But +three of our companions have been missed from our peaceful festivities. +One, gentlemen, I myself expelled from our corps for ungentlemanlike +practices; he picked pockets of fogles, (handkerchiefs)--it was a vulgar +employment. Some of you, gentlemen, have done the same for amusement; +Jack Littlefork did it for occupation. I expostulated with him in public +and in private; Mr. Pepper cut his society; Mr. Tomlinson read him an +essay on Real Greatness of Soul: all was in vain. He was pumped by the +mob for the theft of a _bird's-eye wipe_. The fault I had borne with,-- +the detection was unpardonable; I expelled him. Who's here so base as +would be a fogle-hunter? If any, speak; for him have I offended! Who's +here so rude as would not be a gentleman? If any, speak; for him have I +offended! I pause for a reply! What, none! then none have I offended. +[Loud cheers.] Gentlemen, I may truly add, that I have done no more to +Jack Littlefork than you should do to Paul Lovett! The next vacancy in +our ranks was occasioned by the loss of Patrick Blunderbull. You know, +gentlemen, the vehement exertions that I made to save that misguided +creature, whom I had made exertions no less earnest to instruct. But he +chose to swindle under the name of the 'Honourable Captain Smico;' the +Peerage gave him the lie at once; his case was one of aggravation, and he +was so remarkably ugly that he 'created no interest.' He left us for a +foreign exile; and if as a man I lament him, I confess to you, gentlemen, +as a 'tax-collector' I am easily consoled. + +"Our third loss must be fresh in your memory. Peter Popwell, as bold a +fellow as ever breathed, is no more! [A movement in the assembly.] +Peace be with him! He died on the field of battle; shot dead by a Scotch +Colonel, whom poor Popwell thought to rob of nothing with an empty +pistol. His memory, gentlemen,--in solemn silence! + +"These make the catalogue of our losses," resumed the youthful chief, so +soon as the "red cup had crowned the memory" of Peter Popwell; "I am +proud, even in sorrow, to think that the blame of those losses rests not +with me. And now, friends and followers! Gentlemen of the Road, the +Street, the Theatre, and the Shop! Prigs, Tobymen, and Squires of the +Cross! according to the laws of our Society, I resign into your hands +that power which for two quarterly terms you have confided to mine, ready +to sink into your ranks as a comrade, nor unwilling to renounce the +painful honour I have borne,--borne with much infirmity, it is true, but +at least with a sincere desire to serve that cause with which you have +intrusted me." + +So saying, the captain descended from his chair amidst the most +uproarious applause; and as soon as the first burst had partially +subsided, Augustus Tomlinson rising, with one hand in his breeches' +pocket and the other stretched out, said,-- + +"Gentlemen, I move that Paul Lovett be again chosen as our captain for +the ensuing term of three months. [Deafening cheers.] Much might I say +about his surpassing merits; but why dwell upon that which is obvious? +Life is short! Why should speeches be long? Our lives, perhaps, are +shorter than the lives of other men; why should not our harangues be of a +suitable brevity? Gentlemen, I shall say but one word in favour of my +excellent friend,--of mine, say I? ay, of mine, of yours. He is a friend +to all of us! A prime minister is not more useful to his followers and +more burdensome to the public than I am proud to say is--Paul Lovett. +[Loud plaudits.] What I shall urge in his favour is simply this: the man +whom opposite parties unite in praising must have supereminent merit. Of +all your companions, gentlemen, Paul Lovett is the only man who to that +merit can advance a claim. [Applause.] You all know, gentlemen, that +our body has long been divided into two factions,--each jealous of the +other, each desirous of ascendancy, and each emulous which shall put the +greatest number of fingers into the public pie. In the language of the +vulgar, the one faction would be called 'swindlers,' and the other +'highwaymen.' I, gentlemen, who am fond of finding new names for things +and for persons, and am a bit of a politician, call the one Whigs, and +the other Tories. [Clamorous cheering.] Of the former body I am +esteemed no uninfluential member; of the latter faction Mr. Bags is +justly considered the most shining ornament. Mr. Attie and Mr. Edward +Pepper can scarcely be said to belong entirely to either; they unite the +good qualities of both. 'British compounds' some term them; I term them +Liberal Aristocrats! [Cheers.] I now call upon you all, Whig, or +Swindler, Tory, or Highwayman, 'British Compounds,' or Liberal +Aristocrats,--I call upon you all to name me one man whom you will all +agree to elect." + +All,--"Lovett forever!" + +"Gentlemen," continued the sagacious Augustus, "that shout is sufficient; +without another word, I propose, as your captain, Mr. Paul Lovett." + +"And I seconds the motion!" said old Mr. Bags. + +Our hero, being now by the unanimous applause of his confederates +restored to the chair of office, returned thanks in a neat speech; and +Scarlet Jem declared, with great solemnity, that it did equal honour to +his head and heart. + +The thunders of eloquence being hushed, flashes of lightning, or, as the +vulgar say, _glasses of gin_, gleamed about. Good old Mr. Bags stuck, +however, to his blue ruin, and Attie to the bottle of bingo; some, among +whom were Clifford and the wise Augustus, called for wine; and Clifford, +who exerted himself to the utmost in supporting the gay duties of his +station, took care that the song should vary the pleasures of the bowl. +Of the songs we have only been enabled to preserve two. The first is by +Long Ned; and though we confess we can see but little in it, yet (perhaps +from some familiar allusion or other with which we are necessarily +unacquainted) it produced a prodigious sensation. It ran thus:-- + + THE ROGUE'S RECIPE. + + Your honest fool a rogue to make, + As great as can be seen, sir, + Two hackneyed rogues you first must take, + Then place your fool between, sir. + + Virtue 's a dunghill cock, ashamed + Of self when paired with game ones; + And wildest elephants are tamed + If stuck betwixt two tame ones. + + +The other effusion with which we have the honour to favour our readers is +a very amusing duet which took place between Fighting Attie and a tall +thin robber, who was a dangerous fellow in a mob, and was therefore +called Mobbing Francis; it was commenced by the latter:-- + + MOBBING FRANCIS: + + The best of all robbers as ever I knowed + Is the bold Fighting Attie, the pride of the road!-- + Fighting Attie, my hero, I saw you to-day + A purse full of yellow boys seize; + And as, just at present, _I'm low in the lay,_ + I'll borrow a quid, if you please. + Oh! bold Fighting Attie, the knowing, the natty, + By us all it must sure be confest, + Though your shoppers and snobbers are pretty good robbers, + A soldier is always the best. + + + FIGHTING ATTIE + + Stubble your whids, (Hold your tongue) + You wants to trick I. + Lend you my quids? + Not one, by Dickey. + + + MOBBING FRANCIS: + + Oh, what a beast is a niggardly ruffler, + Nabbing, grabbing all for himself! + Hang it, old fellow, I'll hit you a muffler, + Since you won't give me a pinch of the pelf. + You has not a heart for the _general distress,_ + You cares not a mag if our party should fall, + And if Scarlet Jem were not good at a press, + By Goles, it would soon be all up with us all! + Oh, Scarlet Jem, he is trusty and trim, + Like his wig to his poll, sticks his conscience to him; + But I vows I despises the fellow who prizes + More his own ends than the popular stock, sir; + And the soldier as bones for himself and his crones, + Should be boned like a traitor himself at the block, sir. + +The severe response of Mobbing Francis did not in the least ruffle the +constitutional calmness of Fighting Attie; but the wary Clifford, seeing +that Francis had lost his temper, and watchful over the least sign of +disturbance among the company, instantly called for another song, and +Mobbing Francis sullenly knocked down Old Bags. + +The night was far gone, and so were the wits of the honest tax-gatherers, +when the president commanded silence, and the convivialists knew that +their chief was about to issue forth the orders for the ensuing term. +Nothing could be better timed than such directions,--during merriment and +before oblivion. + +"Gentlemen," said the captain, "I will now, with your leave, impart to +you all the plans I have formed for each. You, Attie, shall repair to +London: be the Windsor road and the purlieus of Pimlico your especial +care. Look you, my hero, to these letters; they will apprise you of much +work. I need not caution you to silence. Like the oyster, you never +open your mouth but for something. Honest Old Bags, a rich grazier will +be in Smithfield on Thursday; his name is Hodges, and he will have +somewhat like a thousand pounds in his pouch. He is green, fresh, and +avaricious; offer to assist him in defrauding his neighbours in a +bargain, and cease not till thou hast done that with him which he wished +to do to others. Be, excellent old man, like the frog-fish, which fishes +for other fishes with two horns that resemble baits; the prey dart at the +horns, and are down the throat in an instant!--For thee, dearest Jem, +these letters announce a prize: fat is Parson Pliant; full is his purse; +and he rides from Henley to Oxford on Friday,--I need say no more! As +for the rest of you, gentlemen, on this paper you will see your +destinations fixed. I warrant you, ye will find enough work till we meet +again this day three months. Myself, Augustus Tomlinson, and Ned Pepper +remain in Bath; we have business in hand, gentlemen, of paramount +importance; should you by accident meet us, never acknowledge us,--we are +_incog._; striking at high game, and putting on falcon's plumes to do it +in character,--you understand; but this accident can scarcely occur, for +none of you will remain at Bath; by to-morrow night, may the road receive +you. And now, gentlemen, speed the glass, and I'll give you a sentiment +by way of a spur to it,-- + + "'Much sweeter than honey + Is other men's money!"' + +Our hero's maxim was received with all the enthusiasm which agreeable +truisms usually create. And old Mr. Bags rose to address the chair; +unhappily for the edification of the audience, the veteran's foot slipped +before he had proceeded further than "Mr. President;" he fell to the +earth with a sort of reel,-- + + "Like shooting stars he fell to rise no more!" + +His body became a capital footstool for the luxurious Pepper. Now +Augustus Tomlinson and Clifford, exchanging looks, took every possible +pains to promote the hilarity of the evening; and before the third hour +of morning had sounded, they had the satisfaction of witnessing the +effects of their benevolent labours in the prostrate forms of all their +companions. Long Ned, naturally more capacious than the rest, succumbed +the last. + +"As leaves of trees," said the chairman, waving his hand, + + "'As leaves of trees the race of man is found, + Now fresh with dew, now withering on the ground.'" + +"Well said, my Hector of Highways;" cried Tomlinson; and then helping +himself to the wine, while he employed his legs in removing the supine +forms of Scarlet Jem and Long Ned, he continued the Homeric quotation, +with a pompous and self-gratulatory tone,-- + + "'So flourish these when those have passed away!'" + +"We managed to get rid of our friends," began Clifford-- + +"Like Whigs in place," interrupted the politician. + +"Right, Tomlinson, thanks to the milder properties of our drink, and +perchance to the stronger qualities of our heads; and now tell me, my +friend, what think you of our chance of success? Shall we catch an +heiress or not?" + +"Why, really," said Tomlinson, "women are like those calculations in +arithmetic, which one can never bring to an exact account; for my part, I +shall stuff my calves, and look out for a widow. You, my good fellow, +seem to stand a fair chance with Miss ------" + +"Oh, name her not!" cried Clifford, colouring, even through the flush +which wine had spread over his countenance. "Ours are not the lips by +which her name should be breathed; and, faith, when I think of her, I do +it anonymously." + +"What, have you ever thought of her before this evening?" + +"Yes, for months," answered Clifford. "You remember some time ago, when +we formed the plan for robbing Lord Mauleverer, how, rather for frolic +than profit, you robbed Dr. Slopperton, of Warlock, while I +compassionately walked home with the old gentleman. Well, at the +parson's house I met Miss Brandon--mind, if I speak of her by name, _you_ +must not; and, by Heaven!--But I won't swear. I accompanied her home. +You know, before morning we robbed Lord Mauleverer; the affair made a +noise, and I feared to endanger you all if I appeared in the vicinity of +the robbery. Since then, business diverted my thoughts; we formed the +plan of trying a matrimonial speculation at Bath. I came hither,--guess +my surprise at seeing her--" + +"And your delight," added Tomlinson, "at hearing she is as rich as she is +pretty." + +"No!" answered Clifford, quickly; "that thought gives me no pleasure. +You stare. I will try and explain. You know, dear Tomlinson, I'm not +much of a canter, and yet my heart shrinks when I look on that innocent +face, and hear that soft happy voice, and think that my love to her can +be only ruin and disgrace; nay, that my very address is contamination, +and my very glance towards her an insult." + +"Heyday!" quoth Tomlinson; "have you been under my instructions, and +learned the true value of words, and can you have any scruples left on +so easy a point of conscience? True, you may call your representing +yourself to her as an unprofessional gentleman, and so winning her +affections, deceit; but why call it deceit when a genius for intrigue is +so much neater a phrase? In like manner, by marrying the young lady, if +you say you have ruined her, you justly deserve to be annihilated; but +why not say you have saved yourself, and then, my dear fellow, you will +have done the most justifiable thing in the world." + +"Pish, man!" said Clifford, peevishly; "none of thy sophisms and sneers!" + +"By the soul of Sir Edward Coke, I am serious! But look you, my friend! +this is not a matter where it is convenient to have a tender-footed +conscience. You see these fellows on the ground, all d---d clever, and +so forth; but you and I are of a different order. I have had a classical +education, seen the world, and mixed in decent society; you, too, had not +been long a member of our club before you distinguished yourself above us +all. Fortune smiled on your youthful audacity. You grew particular in +horses and dress, frequented public haunts, and being a deuced good- +looking fellow, with an inborn air of gentility and some sort of +education, you became sufficiently well received to acquire in a short +time the manner and tone of a--what shall I say?--a gentleman, and the +taste to like suitable associates. This is my case too! Despite our +labours for the public weal, the ungrateful dogs see that we are above +them; a single envious breast is sufficient to give us to the hangman. +We have agreed that we are in danger; we have agreed to make an +honourable retreat; we cannot do so without money. You know the vulgar +distich among our set. Nothing can be truer,-- + + "'Hanging is 'nation + More nice than starvation!' + +You will not carry off some of the common stock, though I think you +justly might, considering how much you have put into it. What, then, +shall we do? Work we cannot, beg we will not; and, between you and me, +we are cursedly extravagant! What remains but marriage?" + +"It is true," said Clifford, with a half sigh. + +"You may well sigh, my good fellow. Marriage is a lackadaisical +proceeding at best; but there is no resource. And now, when you have got +a liking to a young lady who is as rich as a she-Craesus, and so gilded +the pill as bright as a lord mayor's coach, what the devil have you to do +with scruples?" + +Clifford made no answer, and there was a long pause; perhaps he would not +have spoken so frankly as he had done, if the wine had not opened his +heart. + +"How proud," renewed Tomlinson, "the good old matron at Thames Court +would be if you married a lady! You have not seen her lately?" + +"Not for years," answered our hero. "Poor old soul! I believe that she +is well in health, and I take care that she should not be poor in +pocket." + +"But why not visit her? Perhaps, like all great men, especially of a +liberal turn of mind, you are ashamed of old friends, eh?" + +"My good fellow, is that like me? Why, you know the beaux of our set +look askant on me for not keeping up my dignity, robbing only in company +with well-dressed gentlemen, and swindling under the name of a lord's +nephew. No, my reasons are these: first, you must know, that the old +dame had set her heart on my turning out an honest man." + +"And so you have," interrupted Augustus,--"honest to your party; what +more would you have from either prig or politician?" + +"I believe," continued Clifford, not heeding the interruption, "that my +poor mother, before she died, desired that I might be reared honestly; +and strange as it may seem to you, Dame Lobkins is a conscientious woman +in her own way,--it is not her fault if I have turned out as I have done. +Now I know well that it would grieve her to the quick to see me what I +am. Secondly, my friend, under my new names, various as they are,-- +Jackson and Howard, Russell and Pigwiggin, Villiers and Gotobed, +Cavendish and Solomons,--you may well suppose that the good persons in +the neighbourhood of Thames Court have no suspicion that the adventurous +and accomplished ruffler, at present captain of this district, under the +new appellation of Lovett, is in reality no other than the obscure and +surnameless Paul of the Mug. Now you and I, Augustus, have read human +nature, though in the black letter; and I know well that were I to make +my appearance in Thames Court, and were the old lady (as she certainly +would, not from unkindness, but insobriety,--not that she loves me less, +but heavy wet more) to divulge the secret of that appearance--" + +"You know well," interrupted the vivacious Tomlinson, "that the identity +of your former meanness with your present greatness would be easily +traced; the envy and jealousy of your early friends aroused; a hint of +your whereabout and your aliases given to the police, and yourself +grabbed, with a slight possibility of a hempen consummation." + +"You conceive me exactly!" answered Clifford. "The fact is, that I have +observed in nine cases out of ten our bravest fellows have been taken off +by the treachery of some early sweetheart or the envy of some boyish +friend. My destiny is not yet fixed. I am worthy of better things than +a ride in the cart with a nosegay in my hand; and though I care not much +about death in itself, I am resolved, if possible, not to die a +highwayman. Hence my caution, and that prudential care for secrecy and +safe asylums, which men less wise than you have so often thought an +unnatural contrast to my conduct on the road." + +"Fools!" said the philosophical Tomlinson; "what has the bravery of a +warrior to do with his insuring his house from fire?" + +"However," said Clifford, "I send my good nurse a fine gift every now and +then to assure her of my safety; and thus, notwithstanding my absence, I +show my affection by my presents,--excuse a pun." + +"And have you never been detected by any of your quondam associates?" + +"Never! Remember in what a much more elevated sphere of life I have been +thrown; and who could recognize the scamp Paul with a fustian jacket in +gentleman Paul with a laced waistcoat? Besides, I have diligently +avoided every place where I was likely to encounter those who saw me in +childhood. You know how little I frequent flash houses, and how +scrupulous I am in admitting new confederates into our band; you and +Pepper are the only two of my associates--save my /protege/, as you +express it, who never deserts the cave--that possess a knowledge of my +identity with the lost Paul; and as ye have both taken that dread oath to +silence, which to disobey until indeed I be in the jail or on the gibbet, +is almost to be assassinated, I consider my secret is little likely to be +broken, save with my own consent." + +"True," said Augustus, nodding; "one more glass, and to bed, Mr. +Chairman." + +"I pledge you, my friend; our last glass shall be philanthropically +quaffed,--'All fools, and may their money soon be parted!'" + +"All fools!" cried Tomlinson, filling a bumper; "but I quarrel with the +wisdom of your toast. May fools be rich, and rogues will never be poor! +I would make a better livelihood off a rich fool than a landed estate." + +So saying, the contemplative and ever-sagacious Tomlinson tossed off his +bumper; and the pair, having kindly rolled by pedal applications the body +of Long Ned into a safe and quiet corner of the room, mounted the stairs, +arm-in-arm, in search of somnambular accommodations. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + + That contrast of the hardened and mature, + The calm brow brooding o'er the project dark, + With the clear loving heart, and spirit pure + Of youth,--I love, yet, hating, love to mark! + + H. FLETCHER. + + +On the forenoon of the day after the ball, the carriage of William +Brandon, packed and prepared, was at the door of his abode at Bath; +meanwhile the lawyer was closeted with his brother. + +"My dear Joseph," said the barrister, "I do not leave you without being +fully sensible of your kindness evinced to me, both in coming hither, +contrary to your habits, and accompanying me everywhere, despite of your +tastes." + +"Mention it not, my dear William," said the kind-hearted squire, "for +your delightful society is to me the most agreeable (and that's what I +can say of very few people like you; for, for my own part, I generally +find the cleverest men _the most unpleasant) in the world!_ And I think +lawyers in particular (very different, indeed, from your tribe _you are!) +perfectly intolerable!_" + +"I have now," said Brandon, who with his usual nervous quickness of +action was walking with rapid strides to and fro the apartment, and +scarcely noted his brother's compliment,--"I have now another favour to +request of you. Consider this house and these servants yours for the +next month or two at least. Don't interrupt me,--it is no compliment,-- +I speak for our family benefit." And then seating himself next to his +brother's armchair, for a fit of the gout made the squire a close +prisoner, Brandon unfolded to his brother his cherished scheme of +marrying Lucy to Lord Mauleverer. Notwithstanding the constancy of the +earl's attentions to the heiress, the honest squire had never dreamed of +their palpable object; and he was overpowered with surprise when he heard +the lawyer's expectations. + +"But, my dear brother," he began, "so great a match for my Lucy, the +Lord-Lieutenant of the Coun--" + +"And what of that?" cried Brandon, proudly, and interrupting his brother. +"Is not the race of Brandon, which has matched its scions with royalty, +far nobler than that of the upstart stock of Mauleverer? What is there +presumptuous in the hope that the descendant of the Earls of Suffolk +should regild a faded name with some of the precious dust of the quondam +silversmiths of London? Besides," he continued, after a pause, "Lucy +will be rich, very rich, and before two years my rank may possibly be of +the same order as Mauleverer's!" + +The squire stared; and Brandon, not giving him time to answer, resumed. +It is needless to detail the conversation; suffice it to say that the +artful barrister did not leave his brother till he had gained his point, +--till Joseph Brandon had promised to remain at Bath in possession of the +house and establishment of his brother; to throw no impediment on the +suit of Mauleverer; to cultivate society, as before; and above all, not +to alarm Lucy, who evidently did not yet favour Mauleverer exclusively, +by hinting to her the hopes and expectations of her uncle and father. +Brandon, now taking leave of his brother, mounted to the drawing-room in +search of Lucy. He found her leaning over the gilt cage of one of her +feathered favourites, and speaking to the little inmate in that pretty +and playful language in which all thoughts, innocent yet fond, should be +clothed. So beautiful did Lucy seem, as she was thus engaged in her +girlish and caressing employment, and so utterly unlike one meet to be +the instrument of ambitious designs, and the sacrifice of worldly +calculations, that Brandon paused, suddenly smitten at heart, as he +beheld her. He was not, however, slow in recovering himself; he +approached. "Happy he," said the man of the world, "for whom caresses +and words like these are reserved!" + +Lucy turned. "It is ill!" she said, pointing to the bird, which sat with +its feathers stiff and erect, mute and heedless even of that voice which +was as musical as its own. + +"Poor prisoner!" said Brandon; "even gilt cages and sweet tones cannot +compensate to thee for the loss of the air and the wild woods!" + +"But," said Lucy, anxiously, "it is not confinement which makes it ill! +If you think so, I will release it instantly." + +"How long have you had it?" asked Brandon. + +"For three years!" said Lucy. "And is it your chief favourite?" + +"Yes; it does not sing so prettily as the other, but it is far more +sensible, and so affectionate!" + +"Can you release it then?" asked Brandon, smiling. "Would it not be +better to see it die in your custody than to let it live and to see it no +more?" + +"Oh, no, no!" said Lucy, eagerly; "when I love any one, anything, I wish +that to be happy, not me!" + +As she said this, she took the bird from the cage; and bearing it to the +open window, kissed it, and held it on her hand in the air. The poor +bird turned a languid and sickly eye around it, as if the sight of the +crowded houses and busy streets presented nothing familiar or inviting; +and it was not till Lucy with a tender courage shook it gently from her, +that it availed itself of the proffered liberty. It flew first to an +opposite balcony; and then recovering from a short and as it were +surprised pause, took a brief circuit above the houses; and after +disappearing for a few minutes, flew back, circled the window, and +re-entering, settled once more on the fair form of its mistress and +nestled into her bosom. + +Lucy covered it with kisses. "You see it will not leave me!" said she. + +"Who can?" said the uncle, warmly, charmed for the moment from every +thought but that of kindness for the young and soft creature before him, +--"who can," he repeated with a sigh, "but an old and withered ascetic +like myself? I must leave you indeed; see, my carriage is at the door! +Will my beautiful niece, among the gayeties that surround her, condescend +now and then to remember the crabbed lawyer, and assure him by a line of +her happiness and health? Though I rarely write any notes but those upon +cases, you, at least, may be sure of an answer. And tell me, Lucy, if +there be in all this city one so foolish as to think that these idle +gems, useful only as a vent for my pride in you, can add a single charm +to a beauty above all ornament?" + +So saying, Brandon produced a leathern case; and touching a spring, the +imperial flash of diamonds, which would have made glad many a patrician +heart, broke dazzlingly on Lucy's eyes. + +"No thanks, Lucy," said Brandon, in answer to his niece's disclaiming and +shrinking gratitude; "I do honour to myself, not you; and now bless you, +my dear girl. Farewell! Should any occasion present itself in which you +require an immediate adviser, at once kind and wise, I beseech you, my +dearest Lucy, as a parting request, to have no scruples in consulting +Lord Mauleverer. Besides his friendship for me, he is much interested in +you, and you may consult him with the more safety and assurance; because" +(and the lawyer smiled) "he is perhaps the only man in the world whom my +Lucy could not make in love with her. His gallantry may appear +adulation, but it is never akin to love. Promise me that you will not +hesitate in this." + +Lucy gave the promise readily; and Brandon continued in a careless tone: +"I hear that you danced last night with a young gentleman whom no one +knew, and whose companions bore a very strange appearance. In a place +like Bath, society is too mixed not to render the greatest caution in +forming acquaintances absolutely necessary. You must pardon me, my +dearest niece, if I remark that a young lady owes it not only to herself +but to her relations to observe the most rigid circumspection of conduct. +This is a wicked world, and the peach-like bloom of character is easily +rubbed away. In these points Mauleverer can be of great use to you. His +knowledge of character, his penetration into men, and his tact in manners +are unerring. Pray, be guided by him; whomsoever he warns you against, +you may be sure is unworthy of your acquaintance. God bless you! You +will write to me often and frankly, dear Lucy; tell me all that happens +to you,--all that interests, nay, all that displeases." + +Brandon then, who had seemingly disregarded the blushes with which during +his speech Lucy's cheeks had been spread, folded his niece in his arms, +and hurried, as if to hide his feelings, into his carriage. When the +horses had turned the street, he directed the postilions to stop at Lord +Mauleverer's. "Now," said he to himself, "if I can get this clever +coxcomb to second my schemes, and play according to my game and not +according to his own vanity, I shall have a knight of the garter for my +nephew-in-law!" + +Meanwhile Lucy, all in tears, for she loved her uncle greatly, ran down +to the squire to show him Brandon's magnificent present. + +"Ah," said the squire, with a sigh, "few men were born with more good, +generous, and great qualities (pity only that his chief desire was to get +on in the world; for my part, I think _no motive makes greater and more +cold-hearted rogues) than my brother William!_" + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + Why did she love him? Curious fool, be still! + Is human love the growth of human will? + To her he might be gentleness! + + LORD BYRON. + +In three weeks from the time of his arrival, Captain Clifford was the +most admired man in Bath. It is true the gentlemen, who have a quicker +tact as to the respectability of their own sex than women, might have +looked a little shy upon him, had he not himself especially shunned +appearing intrusive, and indeed rather avoided the society of men than +courted it; so that after he had fought a duel with a baronet (the son of +a shoemaker), who called him _one_ Clifford, and had exhibited a flea- +bitten horse, allowed to be the finest in Bath, he rose insensibly into a +certain degree of respect with the one sex as well as popularity with the +other. But what always attracted and kept alive suspicion, was his +intimacy with so peculiar and _dashing_ a gentleman as Mr. Edward Pepper. +People could get over a certain frankness in Clifford's address, but the +most lenient were astounded by the swagger of Long Ned. Clifford, +however, not insensible to the ridicule attached to his acquaintances, +soon managed to pursue his occupations alone; nay, he took a lodging to +himself, and left Long Ned and Augustus Tomlinson (the latter to operate +as a check on the former) to the quiet enjoyment of the hairdresser's +apartments. He himself attended all public gayeties; and his mien, and +the appearance of wealth which he maintained, procured him access into +several private circles which pretended to be exclusive,--as if people +who had daughters ever could be exclusive! Many were the kind looks, nor +few the inviting letters, which he received; and if his sole object had +been to marry an heiress, he would have found no difficulty in attaining +it. But he devoted himself entirely to Lucy Brandon; and to win one +glance from her, he would have renounced all the heiresses in the +kingdom. Most fortunately for him, Mauleverer, whose health was easily +deranged, had fallen ill the very day William Brandon left Bath; and his +lordship was thus rendered unable to watch the movements of Lucy, and +undermine or totally prevent the success of her lover. Miss Brandon, +indeed, had at first, melted by the kindness of her uncle, and struck +with the sense of his admonition (for she was no self-willed young lady, +who was determined to be in love), received Captain Clifford's advances +with a coldness which, from her manner the first evening they had met at +Bath, occasioned him no less surprise than mortification. He retreated, +and recoiled on the squire, who, patient and bold, as usual, was +sequestered in his favourite corner. By accident, Clifford trod on the +squire's gouty digital; and in apologizing for the offence, was so struck +by the old gentleman's good-nature and peculiarity of expressing himself, +that without knowing who he was, he entered into conversation with him. +There was an off-hand sort of liveliness and candour, not to say wit, +about Clifford, which always had a charm for the elderly, who generally +like frankness above all the cardinal virtues; the squire was exceedingly +pleased with him. The acquaintance, once begun, was naturally continued +without difficulty when Clifford ascertained who was his new friend; and +next morning, meeting in the pump-room, the squire asked Clifford to +dinner. The entree to the house thus gained, the rest was easy. Long +before Mauleverer recovered his health, the mischief effected by his +rival was almost beyond redress; and the heart of the pure, the simple, +the affectionate Lucy Brandon was more than half lost to the lawless and +vagrant cavalier who officiates as the hero of this tale. + +One morning, Clifford and Augustus strolled out together. "Let us," said +the latter, who was in a melancholy mood, "leave the busy streets, and +indulge in a philosophical conversation on the nature of man, while we +are enjoying a little fresh air in the country." Clifford assented to +the proposal, and the pair slowly sauntered up one of the hills that +surround the city of Bladud. + +"There are certain moments," said Tomlinson, looking pensively down at +his kerseymere gaiters, "when we are like the fox in the nursery rhyme, +'The fox had a wound, he could not tell where,'--we feel extremely +unhappy, and we cannot tell why. A dark and sad melancholy grows over +us; we shun the face of man; we wrap ourselves in our thoughts like +silkworms; we mutter fag-ends of dismal songs; tears come into our eyes; +we recall all the misfortunes that have ever happened to us; we stoop in +our gait, and bury our hands in our breeches-pockets; we say, 'What is +life?--a stone to be shied into a horsepond!' We pine for some +congenial heart, and have an itching desire to talk prodigiously about +ourselves; all other subjects seem weary, stale, and unprofitable. We +feel as if a fly could knock us down, and are in a humour to fall in +love, and make a very sad piece of business of it. Yet with all this +weakness we have at these moments a finer opinion of ourselves than we +ever had before. We call our megrims the melancholy of a sublime soul, +the yearnings of an indigestion we denominate yearnings after +immortality, nay, sometimes 'a proof of the nature of the soul!' May I +find some biographer who understands such sensations well, and may he +style those melting emotions the offspring of the poetical character,' +which, in reality, are the offspring of--a mutton-chop!" + + [Vide Moore's "Life of Byron," in which it is satisfactorily shown + that if a man fast forty-eight hours, then eat three lobsters, and + drink Heaven knows how many bottles of claret; if, when he wake the + next morning, he sees himself abused as a demon by half the + periodicals of the country,--if, in a word, he be broken in his + health, irregular in his habits, unfortunate in his affairs, unhappy + in his home, and if then he should be so extremely eccentric as to + be low-spirited and misanthropical, the low spirits and the + misanthropy are by no means to be attributed to the above agreeable + circumstances, but, God wot, to the "poetical character"!] + +"You jest pleasantly enough on your low spirits," said Clifford; "but I +have a cause for mine." + +"What then?" cried Tomlinson. "So much the easier is it to cure them. +The mind can cure the evils that spring from the mind. It is only a fool +and a quack and a driveller when it professes to heal the evils that +spring from the body. My blue devils spring from the body; consequently +my mind, which, as you know, is a particularly wise mind, wrestles riot +against them. Tell me frankly," renewed Augustus, after a pause, "do you +ever repent? Do you ever think, if you had been a shop-boy with a white +apron about your middle, that you would have been a happier and a better +member of society than you now are?" + +"Repent!" said Clifford, fiercely; and his answer opened more of his +secret heart, its motives, its reasonings, and its peculiarities than +were often discernible,--"repent! that is the idlest word in our +language. No; the moment I repent, that moment I reform! Never can it +seem to me an atonement for crime merely to regret it. My mind would +lead me, not to regret, but to repair! Repent! no, not yet. The older I +grow, the more I see of men and of the callings of social life, the more +I, an open knave, sicken at the glossed and covert dishonesties around. +I acknowledge no allegiance to society. From my birth to this hour, +I have received no single favour from its customs or its laws; openly I +war against it, and patiently will I meet its revenge. This may be +crime; but it looks light in my eyes when I gaze around, and survey on +all sides the masked traitors who acknowledge large debts to society, who +profess to obey its laws, adore its institutions, and, above all--oh, how +righteously!--attack all those who attack it, and who yet lie and cheat +and defraud and peculate,--publicly reaping all the comforts, privately +filching all the profits. Repent!--of what? I come into the world +friendless and poor; I find a body of laws hostile to the friendless and +the poor! To those laws hostile to me, then, I acknowledge hostility in +my turn. Between us are the conditions of war. Let them expose a +weakness,--I insist on my right to seize the advantage; let them defeat +me, and I allow their right to destroy."--[The author need not, he hopes, +observe that these sentiments are Mr. Paul Clifford's, not his.] + +"Passion," said Augustus, coolly, "is the usual enemy of reason; in your +case it is the friend." + +The pair had now gained the summit of a hill which commanded a view of +the city below. Here Augustus, who was a little short-winded, paused to +recover breath. As soon as he had done so, he pointed with his +forefinger to the scene beneath, and said enthusiastically, "What a +subject for contemplation!" + +Clifford was about to reply, when suddenly the sound of laughter and +voices was heard behind. "Let us fly!" cried Augustus; "on this day of +spleen man delights me not--or woman either." + +"Stay!" said Clifford, in a trembling accent; for among those voices he +recognized one which had already acquired over him an irresistible and +bewitching power. Augustus sighed, and reluctantly remained motionless. +Presently a winding in the road brought into view a party of pleasure, +some on foot, some on horseback, others in the little vehicles which even +at that day haunted watering-places, and called themselves "Flies" or +"Swallows." + +But among the gay procession Clifford had only eyes for one! Walking +with that elastic step which so rarely survives the first epoch of youth, +by the side of the heavy chair in which her father was drawn, the fair +beauty of Lucy Brandon threw--at least in the eyes of her lover--a magic +and a lustre over the whole group. He stood for a moment, stilling the +heart that leaped at her bright looks and the gladness of her innocent +laugh; and then recovering himself, he walked slowly, and with a certain +consciousness of the effect of his own singularly handsome person, +towards the party. The good squire received him with his usual kindness, +and informed him, according to that _lucidus ordo_ which he so especially +favoured, of the whole particulars of their excursion. There was +something worthy of an artist's sketch in the scene at that moment: the +old squire in his chair, with his benevolent face turned towards +Clifford, and his hands resting on his cane, Clifford himself bowing down +his stately head to hear the details of the father; the beautiful +daughter on the other side of the chair, her laugh suddenly stilled, her +gait insensibly more composed, and blush chasing blush over the smooth +and peach-like loveliness of her cheek; the party, of all sizes, ages, +and attire, affording ample scope for the caricaturist; and the pensive +figure of Augustus Tomlinson (who, by the by, was exceedingly like +Liston) standing apart from the rest, on the brow of the hill where +Clifford had left him, and moralizing on the motley procession, with one +hand hid in his waistcoat, and the other caressing his chin, which slowly +and pendulously with the rest of his head moved up and down. + +As the party approached the brow of the hill, the view of the city below +was so striking that there was a general pause for the purpose of survey. +One young lady in particular drew forth her pencil, and began sketching, +while her mamma looked complacently on, and abstractedly devoured a +sandwich. It was at this time, in the general pause, that Clifford and +Lucy found themselves--Heaven knows how!--next to each other, and at a +sufficient distance from the squire and the rest of the party to feel in +some measure alone. There was a silence in both which neither dared to +break; when Lucy, after looking at and toying with a flower that she had +brought from the place which the party had been to see, accidentally +dropped it; and Clifford and herself stooping at the same moment to +recover it, their hands met. Involuntarily, Clifford detained the soft +fingers in his own; his eyes, that encountered hers, so spell-bound and +arrested them that for once they did not sink beneath his gaze; his lips +moved, but many and vehement emotions so suffocated his voice that no +sound escaped them. But all the heart was in the eyes of each; that +moment fixed their destinies. Henceforth there was an era from which +they dated a new existence; a nucleus around which their thoughts, their +remembrances, and their passions clung. The great gulf was passed; they +stood on the same shore, and felt that though still apart and disunited, +on that shore was no living creature but themselves! Meanwhile Augustus +Tomlinson, on finding himself surrounded by persons eager to gaze and to +listen, broke from his moodiness and reserve. Looking full at his next +neighbour, and flourishing his right hand in the air, till he suffered it +to rest in the direction of the houses and chimneys below, he repeated +that moral exclamation which had been wasted on Clifford, with a more +solemn and a less passionate gravity than before,--"What a subject, +ma'am, for contemplation!" + +"Very sensibly said, indeed, sir," said the lady addressed, who was +rather of a serious turn. + +"I never," resumed Augustus in a louder key, and looking round for +auditors,--"I never see a great town from the top of a hill without +thinking of an apothecary's shop!" + +"Lord, sir!" said the lady. Tomlinson's end was gained. Struck with the +quaintness of the notion, a little crowd gathered instantly around him, +to hear it further developed. + +"Of an apothecary's shop, ma'am!" repeated Tomlinson. "There lie your +simples and your purges and your cordials and your poisons,--all things +to heal and to strengthen and to destroy. There are drugs enough in that +collection to save you, to cure you all; but none of you know how to use +them, nor what medicines to ask for, nor what portions to take; so that +the greater part of you swallow a wrong dose, and die of the remedy!" + +"But if the town be the apothecary's shop, what, in the plan of your +idea, stands for the apothecary?" asked an old gentleman, who perceived +at what Tomlinson was driving. + +"The apothecary, sir," answered Augustus, stealing his notion from +Clifford, and sinking his voice lest the true proprietor should overhear +him (Clifford was otherwise employed),--"the apothecary, sir, is the LAW! +It is the law that stands behind the counter, and dispenses to each man +the dose he should take. To the poor it gives bad drugs gratuitously; to +the rich, pills to stimulate the appetite; to the latter, premiums for +luxury; to the former, only speedy refuges from life! Alas! either your +apothecary is but an ignorant quack, or his science itself is but in its +cradle. He blunders as much as you would do if left to your own +selection. Those who have recourse to him seldom speak gratefully of his +skill. He relieves you, it is true,--but of your money, not your malady; +and the only branch of his profession in which he is an adept is that +which enables him to bleed you! O mankind!" continued Augustus, "what +noble creatures you ought to be! You have keys to all sciences, all +arts, all mysteries, but one! You have not a notion how you ought to be +governed; you cannot frame a tolerable law, for the life and soul of you! +You make yourselves as uncomfortable as you can by all sorts of galling +and vexatious institutions, and you throw the blame upon 'Fate.' You lay +down rules it is impossible to comprehend, much less to obey; and you +call each other monsters, because you cannot conquer the impossibility! +You invent all sorts of vices, under pretence of making laws for +preserving virtue; and the anomalous artificialities of conduct +yourselves produce, you say you are born with; you make a machine by the +perversest art you can think of, and you call it, with a sigh, 'Human +Nature.' With a host of good dispositions struggling at your breasts, +you insist upon libelling the Almighty, and declaring that he meant you +to be wicked. Nay, you even call the man mischievous and seditious who +begs and implores you to be one jot better than you are. O mankind! you +are like a nosegay bought at Covent Garden. The flowers are lovely, the +scent delicious. Mark that glorious hue; contemplate that bursting +petal! How beautiful, how redolent of health, of nature, of the dew and +breath and blessing of Heaven, are you all! But as for the dirty piece +of string that ties you together, one would think you had picked it out +of the kennel." + +So saying, Tomlinson turned on his heel, broke away from the crowd, and +solemnly descended the hill. The party of pleasure slowly followed; and +Clifford, receiving an invitation from the squire to partake of his +family dinner, walked by the side of Lucy, and felt as if his spirit were +drunk with the airs of Eden. + +A brother squire, who among the gayeties of Bath was almost as forlorn as +Joseph Brandon himself, partook of the Lord of Warlock's hospitality. +When the three gentlemen adjourned to the drawing-room, the two elder sat +down to a game at backgammon, and Clifford was left to the undisturbed +enjoyment of Lucy's conversation. She was sitting by the window when +Clifford joined her. On the table by her side were scattered books, the +charm of which (they were chiefly poetry) she had only of late learned to +discover; there also were strewn various little masterpieces of female +ingenuity, in which the fairy fingers of Lucy Brandon were especially +formed to excel. The shades of evening were rapidly darkening over the +empty streets; and in the sky, which was cloudless and transparently +clear, the stars came gradually out one by one, until,-- + + "As water does a sponge, so their soft light + Filled the void, hollow, universal air." + +Beautiful evening! (if we, as well as Augustus Tomlinson, may indulge in +an apostrophe)--beautiful evening! For thee all poets have had a song, +and surrounded thee with rills and waterfalls and dews and flowers and +sheep and bats and melancholy and owls; yet we must confess that to us, +who in this very sentimental age are a bustling, worldly, hard-minded +person, jostling our neighbours, and thinking of the main chance,--to us +thou art never so charming as when we meet thee walking in thy gray hood +through the emptying streets and among the dying sounds of a city. We +love to feel the stillness where all, two hours back, was clamour. We +love to see the dingy abodes of Trade and Luxury--those restless patients +of earth's constant fever--contrasted and canopied by a heaven full of +purity and quietness and peace. We love to fill our thought with +speculations on man, even though the man be the muffin-man, rather than +with inanimate objects,--hills and streams,--things to dream about, not +to meditate on. Man is the subject of far nobler contemplation, of far +more glowing hope, of a far purer and loftier vein of sentiment, than all +the "floods and fells" in the universe; and that, sweet evening! is one +reason why we like that the earnest and tender thoughts thou excitest +within us should be rather surrounded by the labours and tokens of our +species than by sheep and bats and melancholy and owls. But whether, +most blessed evening! thou delightest us in the country or in the town, +thou equally disposest us to make and to feel love! Thou art the cause +of more marriages and more divorces than any other time in the twenty- +four hours! Eyes that were common eyes to us before, touched by thy +enchanting and magic shadows, become inspired, and preach to us of +heaven. A softness settles on features that were harsh to us while the +sun shone; a mellow "light of love" reposes on the complexion which by +day we would have steeped "full fathom five" in a sea of Mrs. Gowland's +lotion. What, then, thou modest hypocrite! to those who already and +deeply love,--what, then, of danger and of paradise dost thou bring? + +Silent, and stilling the breath which heaved in both quick and fitfully, +Lucy and Clifford sat together. The streets were utterly deserted; and +the loneliness, as they looked below, made them feel the more intensely +not only the emotions which swelled within them, but the undefined and +electric sympathy which, in uniting them, divided them from the world. +The quiet around was broken by a distant strain of rude music; and as it +came nearer, two forms of no poetical order grew visible. The one was a +poor blind man, who was drawing from his flute tones in which the +melancholy beauty of the air compensated for any deficiency (the +deficiency was but slight) in the execution. A woman much younger than +the musician, and with something of beauty in her countenance, +accompanied him, holding a tattered hat, and looking wistfully up at the +windows of the silent street. We said two forms; we did the injustice of +forgetfulness to another,--a rugged and simple friend, it is true, but +one that both minstrel and wife had many and moving reasons to love. +This was a little wiry terrier, with dark piercing eyes, that glanced +quickly and sagaciously in all quarters from beneath the shaggy covert +that surrounded them. Slowly the animal moved onward, pulling gently +against the string by which he was held, and by which he guided his +master. Once his fidelity was tempted: another dog invited him to play; +the poor terrier looked anxiously and doubtingly round, and then, +uttering a low growl of denial, pursued-- + + "The noiseless tenour of his way." + +The little procession stopped beneath the window where Lucy and Clifford +sat; for the quick eye of the woman had perceived them, and she laid her +hand on the blind man's arm, and whispered him. He took the hint, and +changed his air into one of love. Clifford glanced at Lucy; her cheek +was dyed in blushes. The air was over; another succeeded,--it was of the +same kind; a third,--the burden was still unaltered; and then Clifford +threw into the street a piece of money, and the dog wagged his abridged +and dwarfed tail, and darting forward, picked it up in his mouth; and the +woman (she had a kind face!) patted the officious friend, even before she +thanked the donor, and then she dropped the money with a cheering word or +two into the blind man's pocket, and the three wanderers moved slowly on. +Presently they came to a place where the street had been mended, and the +stones lay scattered about. Here the woman no longer trusted to the +dog's guidance, but anxiously hastened to the musician, and led him with +evident tenderness and minute watchfulness over the rugged way. When +they had passed the danger, the man stopped; and before he released the +hand which had guided him, he pressed it gratefully, and then both the +husband and the wife stooped down and caressed the dog. This little +scene--one of those rough copies of the loveliness of human affections, +of which so many are scattered about the highways of the world--both the +lovers had involuntarily watched; and now as they withdrew their eyes,-- +those eyes settled on each other,--Lucy's swam in tears. + +"To be loved and tended by the one I love," said Clifford, in a low +voice, "I would walk blind and barefoot over the whole earth!" + +Lucy sighed very gently; and placing her pretty hands (the one clasped +over the other) upon her knee, looked down wistfully on them, but made no +answer. Clifford drew his chair nearer, and gazed on her, as she sat; +the long dark eyelashes drooping over her eyes, and contrasting the ivory +lids; her delicate profile half turned from him, and borrowing a more +touching beauty from the soft light that dwelt upon it; and her full yet +still scarcely developed bosom heaving at thoughts which she did not +analyze, but was content to feel at once vague and delicious. He gazed, +and his lips trembled; he longed to speak; he longed to say but those +words which convey what volumes have endeavoured to express and have only +weakened by detail,--"_I love._" How he resisted the yearnings of his +heart, we know not,--but he did resist; and Lucy, after a confused and +embarrassed pause, took up one of the poems on the table, and asked him +some questions about a particular passage in an old ballad which he had +once pointed to her notice. The passage related to a border chief, one +of the Armstrongs of old, who, having been seized by the English and +condemned to death, vented his last feelings in a passionate address to +his own home--his rude tower--and his newly wedded bride. "Do you +believe," said Lucy, as their conversation began to flow, "that one so +lawless and eager for bloodshed and strife as this robber is described +to be, could be so capable of soft affections?" + +"I do," said Clifford, "because he was not sensible that he was as +criminal as you esteem him. If a man cherish the idea that his actions +are not evil, he will retain at his heart all its better and gentler +sensations as much as if he had never sinned. The savage murders his +enemy, and when he returns home is not the less devoted to his friend or +the less anxious for his children. To harden and embrute the kindly +dispositions, we must not only indulge in guilt but feel that we are +guilty. Oh! many that the world load with their opprobrium are capable +of acts--nay, have committed acts--which in others the world would +reverence and adore. Would you know whether a man's heart be shut to the +power of love,--ask what he is, not to his foes, but to his friends! +Crime, too," continued Clifford, speaking fast and vehemently, while his +eyes flashed and the dark blood rushed to his cheek,--"crime,--what is +crime? Men embody their worst prejudices, their most evil passions, in a +heterogeneous and contradictory code; and whatever breaks this code they +term a crime. When they make no distinction in the penalty--that is to +say, in the estimation--awarded both to murder and to a petty theft +imposed on the weak will by famine, we ask nothing else to convince us +that they are ignorant of the very nature of guilt, and that they make up +in ferocity for the want of wisdom." + +Lucy looked in alarm at the animated and fiery countenance of the +speaker. Clifford recovered himself after a moment's pause, and rose +from his seat, with the gay and frank laugh which made one of his +peculiar characteristics. "There is a singularity in politics, Miss +Brandon," said he, "which I dare say you have often observed,--namely, +that those who are least important are always most noisy, and that the +chief people who lose their temper are those who have nothing to gain in +return." + +As Clifford spoke, the doors were thrown open, and some visitors to Miss +Brandon were announced. The good squire was still immersed in the +vicissitudes of his game; and the sole task of receiving and entertaining +"the company," as the chambermaids have it, fell, as usual, upon Lucy. +Fortunately for her, Clifford was one of those rare persons who possess +eminently the talents of society. There was much in his gay and gallant +temperament, accompanied as it was with sentiment and ardour, that +resembled our beau-ideal of those chevaliers, ordinarily peculiar to the +Continent,--heroes equally in the drawing-room and the field. Observant, +courteous, witty, and versed in the various accomplishments that combine +(that most unfrequent of all unions!) vivacity with grace, he was +especially formed for that brilliant world from which his circumstances +tended to exclude him. Under different auspices, be might have been-- +Pooh! we are running into a most pointless commonplace; what might any +man be under auspices different from those by which his life has been +guided? Music soon succeeded to conversation, and Clifford's voice was +of necessity put into requisition. Miss Brandon had just risen from the +harpsichord, as he sat down to perform his part; and she stood by him +with the rest of the group while he sang. Only twice his eye stole to +that spot which her breath and form made sacred to him; once when he +began, and once when he concluded his song. Perhaps the recollection of +their conversation inspired him; certainly it dwelt upon his mind at the +moment,--threw a richer flush over his brow, and infused a more meaning +and heartfelt softness into his tone. + + + STANZAS. + + When I leave thee, oh! ask not the world what that heart + Which adores thee to others may be! + I know that I sin when from thee I depart, + But my guilt shall not light upon thee! + + My life is a river which glasses a ray + That hath deigned to descend from above; + Whatever the banks that o'ershadow its way, + It mirrors the light of thy love. + + Though the waves may run high when the night wind awakes, + And hurries the stream to its fall; + Though broken and wild be the billows it makes, + Thine image still trembles on all!" + + +While this ominous love between Clifford and Lucy was thus finding fresh +food in every interview and every opportunity, the unfortunate +Mauleverer, firmly persuaded that his complaint was a relapse of what he +termed the "Warlock dyspepsia," was waging dire war with the remains of +the beef and pudding, which he tearfully assured his physicians "were +lurking in his constitution." As Mauleverer, though complaisant, like +most men of unmistakable rank, to all his acquaintances, whatever might +be their grade, possessed but very few friends intimate enough to enter +his sick-chamber, and none of that few were at Bath, it will readily be +perceived that he was in blissful ignorance of the growing fortunes of +his rival; and to say the exact truth, illness, which makes a man's +thoughts turn very much upon himself, banished many of the most tender +ideas usually floating in his mind around the image of Lucy Brandon. His +pill superseded his passion; and he felt that there are draughts in the +world more powerful in their effects than those in the phials of +Alcidonis.--[See Marmontel's pretty tale of "Les Quatres Flacons."]-- +He very often thought, it is true, how pleasant it would be for Lucy to +smooth his pillow, and Lucy to prepare that mixture; but then Mauleverer +had an excellent valet, who hoped to play the part enacted by Gil Blas +towards the honest Licentiate, and to nurse a legacy while he was nursing +his master. And the earl, who was tolerably good-tempered, was forced to +confess that it would be scarcely possible for any one "to know his ways +better than Smoothson." Thus, during his illness, the fair form of his +intended bride little troubled the peace of the noble adorer. And it was +not till he found himself able to eat three good dinners consecutively, +with a tolerable appetite, that Mauleverer recollected that he was +violently in love. As soon as this idea was fully reinstated in his +memory, and he had been permitted by his doctor to allow himself +"a little cheerful society," Mauleverer resolved to go to the rooms for +an hour or two. + +It may be observed that most great personages have some favourite place, +some cherished Baiae, at which they love to throw off their state, and to +play the amiable instead of the splendid; and Bath at that time, from its +gayety, its ease, the variety of character to be found in its haunts, and +the obliging manner in which such characters exposed themselves to +ridicule, was exactly the place calculated to please a man like +Mauleverer, who loved at once to be admired and to satirize. He was +therefore an idolized person at the city of Bladud; and as he entered the +rooms he was surrounded by a whole band of imitators and sycophants, +delighted to find his lordship looking so much better and declaring +himself so convalescent. As soon as the earl had bowed and smiled, and +shaken hands sufficiently to sustain his reputation, he sauntered towards +the dancers in search of Lucy. He found her not only exactly in the same +spot in which he had last beheld her, but dancing with exactly the same +partner who had before provoked all the gallant nobleman's jealousy and +wrath. Mauleverer, though not by any means addicted to preparing his +compliments beforehand, had just been conning a delicate speech for Lucy; +but no sooner did the person of her partner flash on him than the whole +flattery vanished at once from his recollection. He felt himself grow +pale; and when Lucy turned, and seeing him near, addressed him in the +anxious and soft tone which she thought due to her uncle's friend on his +recovery, Mauleverer bowed, confused and silent; and that green-eyed +passion, which would have convulsed the mind of a true lover, altering a +little the course of its fury, effectually disturbed the manner of the +courtier. + +Retreating to an obscure part of the room, where he could see all without +being conspicuous, Mauleverer now employed himself in watching the +motions and looks of the young pair. He was naturally a penetrating and +quick observer, and in this instance jealousy sharpened his talents; he +saw enough to convince him that Lucy was already attached to Clifford; +and being, by that conviction, fully persuaded that Lucy was necessary to +his own happiness, he resolved to lose not a moment in banishing Captain +Clifford from her presence, or at least in instituting such inquiries +into that gentleman's relatives, rank, and respectability as would, he +hoped, render such banishment a necessary consequence of the research. + +Fraught with this determination, Mauleverer repaired at once to the +retreat of the squire, and engaging him in conversation, bluntly asked +him who the deuce Miss Brandon was dancing with. + +The squire, a little piqued at this _brusquerie_, replied by a long +eulogium on Paul; and Mauleverer, after hearing it throughout with the +blandest smile imaginable, told the squire, very politely, that he was +sure Mr. Brandon's good-nature had misled him. "Clifford!" said he, +repeating the name,--"Clifford! It is one of those names which are +particularly selected by persons nobody knows,--first, because the name +is good, and secondly, because it is common. My long and dear friendship +with your brother makes me feel peculiarly anxious on any point relative +to his niece; and, indeed, my dear William, overrating, perhaps, my +knowledge of the world and my influence in society, but not my affection +for him, besought me to assume the liberty of esteeming myself a friend, +nay, even a relation of yours and Miss Brandon's; so that I trust you do +not consider my caution impertinent." + +The flattered squire assured him that he was particularly honoured, so +far from deeming his lordship (which never could be the case with people +so distinguished _as his lordship was, especially!) impertinent._ + +Lord Mauleverer, encouraged by this speech, artfully renewed, and +succeeded, if not in convincing the squire that the handsome captain was +a suspicious character, at least in persuading him that common prudence +required that he should find out exactly who the handsome captain was, +especially as he was in the habit of dining with the squire thrice a +week, and dancing with Lucy every night. + +"See," said Mauleverer, "he approaches you now; I will retreat to the +chair by the fireplace, and you shall cross-examine him,--I have no doubt +you will do it with the utmost delicacy." + +So saying, Mauleverer took possession of a seat where he was not +absolutely beyond hearing (slightly deaf as he was) of the ensuing +colloquy, though the position of his seat screened him from sight. +Mauleverer was esteemed a man of the most punctilious honour in private +life, and he would not have been seen in the act of listening to other +people's conversation for the world. + +Hemming with an air and resettling himself as Clifford approached, the +squire thus skilfully commenced the attack "Ah, ha! my good Captain +Clifford, and how do you do? I saw you (and I am very glad, my friend, +as every one else is, to see you) at a distance. And where have you left +my daughter?" + +"Miss Brandon is dancing with Mr. Muskwell, sir," answered Clifford. + +"Oh! she is! Mr. Muskwell,--humph! Good family the Muskwells,--came +from Primrose Hall. Pray, Captain, not that I want to know for my own +sake, for I am a strange, odd person, I believe, and I am thoroughly +convinced (some people are censorious, and others, thank God, are not!) +of your respectability,--what family do you come from? You won't think +my--my caution impertinent?" added the shrewd old gentleman, borrowing +that phrase which he thought so friendly in the mouth of Lord Mauleverer. + +Clifford coloured for a moment, but replied with a quiet archness of +look, "Family! oh, my dear sir, I come from an old family,--a very old +family indeed." + +"So I always thought; and in what part of the world?" + +"Scotland, sir,--all our family come from Scotland; namely, all who live +long do,--the rest die young." + +"Ay, particular air does agree with particular constitutions. I, for +instance, could not live in all countries; not--you take me--in the +North!" + +"Few honest men can live there," said Clifford, dryly. "And," resumed +the squire, a little embarrassed by the nature of his task, and the cool +assurance of his young friend,--"and pray, Captain Clifford, what +regiment do you belong to?" + +"Regiment?--oh, the Rifles!" answered Clifford. ("Deuce is in me," +muttered he, "if I can resist a jest, though I break my neck over it.") + +"A very gallant body of men," said the squire. + +"No doubt of that, sir!" rejoined Clifford. + +"And do you think, Captain Clifford," renewed the squire, "that it is a +good corps for getting on?" + +"It is rather a bad one for getting off," muttered the Captain; and then +aloud, "Why, we have not much interest at court, sir." + +"Oh! but then there is a wider scope, as my brother the lawyer says--and +no man knows better--for merit. I dare say you have seen many a man +elevated from the ranks?" + +"Nothing more common, sir, than such elevation; and so great is the +virtue of our corps, that I have also known not a few willing to transfer +the honour to their comrades." + +"You don't say so!" exclaimed the squire, opening his eyes at such +disinterested magnanimity. + +"But," said Clifford, who began to believe he might carry the equivoke +too far, and who thought, despite of his jesting, that it was possible to +strike out a more agreeable vein of conversation--"but, sir, if you +remember, you have not yet finished that youthful hunting adventure of +yours, when the hounds were lost at Burnham Copse." + +"Oh, very true," cried the squire, quite forgetting his late suspicions; +and forthwith he began a story that promised to be as long as the chase +it recorded. So charmed was he, when he had finished it, with the +character of the gentleman who had listened to it so delightedly, that on +rejoining Mauleverer, he told the earl, with an important air, that he +had strictly examined the young captain, and that he had fully convinced +himself of the excellence of his family, as well as the rectitude of his +morals. Mauleverer listened with a countenance of polite incredulity; he +had heard but little of the conversation that had taken place between the +pair; but on questioning the squire upon sundry particulars of Clifford's +birth, parentage, and property, he found him exactly as ignorant as +before. The courtier, however, seeing further expostulation was in vain, +contented himself with patting the squire's shoulder, and saying, with a +mysterious urbanity, "Ah, sir, you are too good!" + +With these words he turned on his heel, and, not yet despairing, sought +the daughter. He found Miss Brandon just released from dancing, and with +a kind of paternal gallantry, he offered his arm to parade the +apartments. After some preliminary flourish, and reference for the +thousandth time to his friendship for William Brandon, the earl spoke +to her about that "fine-looking young man who called himself Captain +Clifford." + +Unfortunately for Mauleverer, he grew a little too unguarded, as his +resentment against the interference of Clifford warmed with his language, +and he dropped in his anger one or two words of caution, which especially +offended the delicacy of Miss Brandon. + +"Take care how I encourage, my lord!" said Lucy, with glowing cheeks, +repeating the words which had so affronted her, "I really must beg you--" + +"You mean, dear Miss Brandon," interrupted Mauleverer, squeezing her hand +with respectful tenderness, "that you must beg me to apologize for my +inadvertent expression. I do most sincerely. If I had felt less +interest in your happiness, believe me, I should have been more guarded +in my language." + +Miss Brandon bowed stiffly, and the courtier saw, with secret rage, that +the country beauty was not easily appeased, even by an apology from Lord +Mauleverer. "I have seen the time," thought he, "when young unmarried +ladies would have deemed an _affront_ from _me_ an honour! They would +have gone into hysterics at an _apology!_" Before he had time to make +his peace, the squire joined them; and Lucy, taking her father's arm, +expressed her wish to return home. The squire was delighted at the +proposition. It would have been but civil in Mauleverer to offer his +assistance in those little attentions preparatory to female departure +from balls. He hesitated for a moment. "It keeps one so long in those +cursed thorough draughts," thought he, shivering. "Besides, it is just +possible that I may not marry her, and it is no good risking a cold +(above all, at the beginning of winter) for nothing!" Fraught with this +prudential policy, Mauleverer then resigned Lucy to her father, and +murmuring in her ear that "her displeasure made him the most wretched +of men," concluded his adieu by a bow penitentially graceful. + +About five minutes afterwards, he himself withdrew. As he was wrapping +his corporeal treasure in his _roquelaire_ of sables, previous to +immersing himself in his chair, he had the mortification of seeing Lucy, +who with her father, from some cause or other, had been delayed in the +hall, handed to the carriage by Captain Clifford. Had the earl watched +more narrowly than in the anxious cares due to himself he was enabled to +do, he would, to his consolation, have noted that Lucy gave her hand with +an averted and cool air, and that Clifford's expressive features bore +rather the aspect of mortification than triumph. + +He did not, however, see more than the action; and as he was borne +homeward with his flambeaux and footmen preceding him, and the watchful +Smoothson by the side of the little vehicle, he muttered his +determination of writing by the very next post to Brandon all his +anger for Lucy and all his jealousy of her evident lover. + +While this doughty resolve was animating the great soul of Mauleverer, +Lucy reached her own room, bolted the door, and throwing herself on her +bed, burst into a long and bitter paroxysm of tears. So unusual were +such visitors to her happy and buoyant temper, that there was something +almost alarming in the earnestness and obstinacy with which she now wept. + +"What!" said she, bitterly, "have I placed my affections upon a man of +uncertain character, and is my infatuation so clear that an acquaintance +dare hint at its imprudence? And yet his manner--his tone! No, no, +there can be no reason for shame in loving him!" And as she said this, +her heart smote her for the coldness of her manner towards Clifford on +his taking leave of her for the evening. "Am I," she thought, weeping +yet more vehemently than before,--"am I so worldly, so base, as to feel +altered towards him the moment I hear a syllable breathed against his +name? Should I not, on the contrary, have clung to his image with a +greater love, if he were attacked by others? But my father, my dear +father, and my kind, prudent uncle,--something is due to them; and they +would break their hearts if I loved one whom they deemed unworthy. Why +should I not summon courage, and tell him of the suspicions respecting +him? One candid word would dispel them. Surely it would be but kind in +me towards him, to give him an opportunity of disproving all false and +dishonouring conjectures. And why this reserve, when so often, by look +and hint, if not by open avowal, he has declared that he loves me, and +knows--he must know--that he is not indifferent to me? Why does he never +speak of his parents, his relations, his home?" + +And Lucy, as she asked this question, drew from a bosom whose hue and +shape might have rivalled hers who won Cymon to be wise,--[See Dryden's +poem of "Cymon and Iphigenia."]--a drawing which she herself had secretly +made of her lover, and which, though inartificially and even rudely done, +yet had caught the inspiration of memory, and breathed the very features +and air that were stamped already ineffaceably upon a heart too holy for +so sullied an idol. She gazed upon the portrait as if it could answer +her question of the original; and as she looked and looked, her tears +slowly ceased, and her innocent countenance relapsed gradually into its +usual and eloquent serenity. Never, perhaps, could Lucy's own portrait +have been taken at a more favourable moment, The unconscious grace of her +attitude; her dress loosened; the modest and youthful voluptuousness of +her beauty; the tender cheek to which the virgin bloom, vanished for a +while, was now all glowingly returning; the little white soft hand on +which that cheek leaned, while the other contained the picture upon which +her eyes fed; the half smile just conjured to her full, red, dewy lips, +and gone the moment after, yet again restored,--all made a picture of +such enchanting loveliness that we question whether Shakspeare himself +could have fancied an earthly shape more meet to embody the vision of a +Miranda or a Viola. The quiet and maiden neatness of the apartment gave +effect to the charm; and there was a poetry even in the snowy furniture +of the bed, the shutters partly unclosed and admitting a glimpse of the +silver moon, and the solitary lamp just contending with the purer ray of +the skies, and so throwing a mixed and softened light around the chamber. + +She was yet gazing on the drawing, when a faint stream of music stole +through the air beneath her window, and it gradually rose till the sound +of a guitar became distinct and clear, suiting with, not disturbing, the +moonlit stillness of the night. The gallantry and romance of a former +day, though at the time of our story subsiding, were not quite dispelled; +and nightly serenades under the casements of a distinguished beauty were +by no means of unfrequent occurrence. But Lucy, as the music floated +upon her ear, blushed deeper and deeper, as if it had a dearer source to +her heart than ordinary gallantry; and raising herself on one arm from +her incumbent position, she leaned forward to catch the sound with a +greater and more unerring certainty. + +After a prelude of some moments a clear and sweet voice accompanied the +instrument, and the words of the song were as follows:-- + + CLIFFORD'S SERENADE. + + There is a world where every night + My spirit meets and walks with thine; + And hopes I dare not tell thee light, + Like stars of Love, that world of mine! + + Sleep!--to the waking world my heart + Hath now, methinks, a stranger grown; + Ah, sleep! that I may feel thou art + Within _one_ world that is my own. + +As the music died away, Lucy sank back once more, and the drawing which +she held was pressed (with cheeks glowing, though unseen, at the act) to +her lips. And though the character of her lover was uncleared, though +she herself had come to no distinct resolution even to inform him of the +rumours against his name, yet so easily restored was her trust in him, +and so soothing the very thought of his vigilance and his love, that +before an hour had passed, her eyes were closed in sleep. The drawing +was laid, as a spell against grief, under her pillow; and in her dreams +she murmured his name, and unconscious of reality and the future, smiled +tenderly as she did so! + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + Come, the plot thickens! and another fold + Of the warm cloak of mystery wraps us around. + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + And for their loves? + Behold the seal is on them! + + Tanner of Tyburn. + +We must not suppose that Clifford's manner and tone were towards Lucy +Brandon such as they seemed to others. Love refines every roughness; and +that truth which nurtures tenderness is never barren of grace. Whatever +the habits and comrades of Clifford's life, he had at heart many good and +generous qualities. They were not often perceptible, it is true,--first, +because he was of a gay and reckless turn; secondly, because he was not +easily affected by any external circumstances; and thirdly, because he +had the policy to affect among his comrades only such qualities as were +likely to give him influence with them. Still, however, his better +genius broke out whenever an opportunity presented itself. Though no +"Corsair," romantic and unreal, an Ossianic shadow becoming more vast in +proportion as it recedes from substance; though no grandly-imagined lie +to the fair proportions of human nature, but an erring man in a very +prosaic and homely world,--Clifford still mingled a certain generosity +and chivalric spirit of enterprise even with the practices of his +profession. Although the name of Lovett, by which he was chiefly known, +was one peculiarly distinguished in the annals of the adventurous, it had +never been coupled with rumours of cruelty or outrage; and it was often +associated with anecdotes of courage, courtesy, good humour, or +forbearance. He was one whom a real love was peculiarly calculated to +soften and to redeem. The boldness, the candour, the unselfishness of +his temper, were components of nature upon which affection invariably +takes a strong and deep hold. Besides, Clifford was of an eager and +aspiring turn; and the same temper and abilities which had in a very few +years raised him in influence and popularity far above all the chivalric +band with whom he was connected, when once inflamed and elevated by a +higher passion, were likely to arouse his ambition from the level of his +present pursuits, and reform him, ere too late, into a useful, nay, even +an honourable member of society. We trust that the reader has already +perceived that, despite his early circumstances, his manner and address +were not such as to unfit him for a lady's love. The comparative +refinement of his exterior is easy of explanation, for he possessed a +natural and inborn gentility, a quick turn for observation, a ready sense +both of the ridiculous and the graceful; and these are materials which +are soon and lightly wrought from coarseness into polish. He had been +thrown, too, among the leaders and heroes of his band; many not +absolutely low in birth, nor debased in habit. He had associated with +the Barringtons of the day,--gentlemen who were admired at Ranelagh, and +made speeches worthy of Cicero, when they were summoned to trial. He had +played his part in public places; and as Tomlinson was wont to say after +his classic fashion, "the triumphs accomplished in the field had been +planned in the ball-room." In short, he was one of those accomplished +and elegant highwaymen of whom we yet read wonders, and by whom it would +have been delightful to have been robbed: and the aptness of intellect +which grew into wit with his friends, softened into sentiment with his +mistress. There is something, too, in beauty (and Clifford's person, as +we have before said, was possessed of even uncommon attractions) which +lifts a beggar into nobility; and there was a distinction in his gait and +look which supplied the air of rank and the tone of courts. Men, indeed, +skilled like Mauleverer in the subtleties of manner, might perhaps have +easily detected in him the want of that indescribable essence possessed +only by persons reared in good society; but that want being shared by so +many persons of indisputable birth and fortune, conveyed no particular +reproach. To Lucy, indeed, brought up in seclusion, and seeing at +Warlock none calculated to refine her taste in the fashion of an air or +phrase to a very fastidious standard of perfection, this want was +perfectly imperceptible; she remarked in her lover only a figure +everywhere unequalled, an eye always eloquent with admiration, a step +from which grace could never be divorced, a voice that spoke in a silver +key, and uttered flatteries delicate in thought and poetical in word; +even a certain originality of mind, remark, and character, occasionally +approaching to the bizarre, yet sometimes also to the elevated, possessed +a charm for the imagination of a young and not unenthusiastic female, and +contrasted favourably, rather than the reverse, with the dull insipidity +of those she ordinarily saw. Nor are we sure that the mystery thrown +about him, irksome as it was to her, and discreditable as it appeared to +others, was altogether ineffectual in increasing her love for the +adventurer; and thus Fate, which transmutes in her magic crucible all +opposing metals into that one which she is desirous to produce, swelled +the wealth of an ill-placed and ominous passion by the very circumstances +which should have counteracted and destroyed it. + +We are willing, by what we have said, not to defend Clifford, but to +redeem Lucy in the opinion of our readers for loving so unwisely; and +when they remember her youth, her education, her privation of a mother, +of all female friendship, even of the vigilant and unrelaxing care of +some protector of the opposite sex, we do not think that what was so +natural will be considered by any inexcusable. + +Mauleverer woke the morning after the ball in better health than usual, +and consequently more in love than ever. According to his resolution the +night before, he sat down to write a long letter to William Brandon: it +was amusing and witty as usual; but the wily nobleman succeeded, under +the cover of wit, in conveying to Brandon's mind a serious apprehension +lest his cherished matrimonial project should altogether fail. The +account of Lucy and of Captain Clifford contained in the epistle +instilled, indeed, a double portion of sourness into the professionally +acrid mind of the lawyer; and as it so happened that he read the letter +just before attending the court upon a case in which he was counsel to +the crown, the witnesses on the opposite side of the question felt the +full effects of the barrister's ill humour. The case was one in which +the defendant had been engaged in swindling transactions to a very large +amount; and among his agents and assistants was a person of the very +lowest orders, but who, seemingly enjoying large connections, and +possessing natural acuteness and address, appeared to have been of great +use in receiving and disposing of such goods as were fraudulently +obtained. As a witness against the latter person appeared a pawnbroker, +who produced certain articles that had been pledged to him at different +times by this humble agent. Now, Brandon, in examining the guilty +go-between, became the more terribly severe in proportion as the man +evinced that semblance of unconscious stolidity which the lower orders +can so ingeniously assume, and which is so peculiarly adapted to enrage +and to baffle the gentlemen of the bar. At length, Brandon entirely +subduing and quelling the stubborn hypocrisy of the culprit, the man +turned towards him a look between wrath and beseechingness, muttering,-- + +"Aha! _if_ so be, Counsellor Prandon, you knew vat I knows. You vould +not go for to bully I so!" + +"And pray, my good fellow, what is it that you know that should make me +treat you as if I thought you an honest man?" + +The witness had now relapsed into sullenness, and only answered by a sort +of grunt. Brandon, who knew well how to sting a witness into +communicativeness, continued his questioning till the witness, re-aroused +into anger, and it may be into indiscretion, said in a low voice,-- + +"Hax Mr. Swoppem the pawnbroker what I sold 'im on the 15th hof +February, exactly twenty-three yearn ago." Brandon started back, his +lips grew white, he clenched his hands with a convulsive spasm; and while +all his features seemed distorted with an earnest yet fearful intensity +of expectation, he poured forth a volley of questions, so incoherent and +so irrelevant that he was immediately called to order by his learned +brother on the opposite side. Nothing further could be extracted from +the witness. The pawnbroker was resummoned: he appeared somewhat +disconcerted by an appeal to his memory so far back as twenty-three +years; but after taking some time to consider, during which the agitation +of the usually cold and possessed Brandon was remarkable to all the +court, he declared that he recollected no transaction whatsoever with the +witness at that time. In vain were all Brandon's efforts to procure a +more elucidatory answer. The pawnbroker was impenetrable, and the lawyer +was compelled reluctantly to dismiss him. The moment the witness left +the box, Brandon sank into a gloomy abstraction,--he seemed quite to +forget the business and the duties of the court; and so negligently did +he continue to conclude the case, so purposeless was the rest of his +examination and cross-examination, that the cause was entirely marred, +and a verdict "Not guilty" returned by the jury. + +The moment he left the court, Brandon repaired to the pawnbroker's; and +after a conversation with Mr. Swoppem, in which he satisfied that honest +tradesman that his object was rather to reward than intimidate, Swoppem +confessed that twenty-three years ago the witness had met him at a +public-house in Devereux Court, in company with two other men, and sold +him several articles in plate, ornaments, etc. The great bulk of these +articles had, of course, long left the pawnbroker's abode; but he still +thought a stray trinket or two, not of sufficient worth to be reset or +remodelled, nor of sufficient fashion to find a ready sale, lingered in +his drawers. Eagerly, and with trembling hands, did Brandon toss over +the motley contents of the mahogany reservoirs which the pawnbroker now +submitted to his scrutiny. Nothing on earth is so melancholy a prospect +as a pawnbroker's drawer! Those little, quaint, valueless ornaments,-- +those true-lovers' knots, those oval lockets, those battered rings, +girdled by initials, or some brief inscription of regard or of grief,-- +what tales of past affections, hopes, and sorrows do they not tell! But +no sentiment of so general a sort ever saddened the hard mind of William +Brandon, and now less than at any time could such reflections have +occurred to him. Impatiently he threw on the table, one after another, +the baubles once hoarded perchance with the tenderest respect, till at +length his eyes sparkled, and with a nervous gripe he seized upon an old +ring which was inscribed with letters, and circled a heart containing +hair. The inscription was simply, "W. B. to Julia." Strange and dark +was the expression that settled on Brandon's face as he regarded this +seemingly worthless trinket. After a moment's gaze, he uttered an +inarticulate exclamation, and thrusting it into his pocket, renewed his +search. He found one or two other trifles of a similar nature; one was +an ill-done miniature set in silver, and bearing at the back sundry half- +effaced letters, which Brandon construed at once (though no other eye +could) into "Sir John Brandon, 1635, AEtat. 28;" the other was a seal +stamped with the noble crest of the house of Brandon, 'A bull's head, +ducally crowned and armed, Or.' As soon as Brandon had possessed himself +of these treasures, and arrived at the conviction that the place held no +more, he assured the conscientious Swoppem of his regard for that +person's safety, rewarded him munificently, and went his way to Bow +Street for a warrant against the witness who had commended him to the +pawnbroker. On his road thither, a new resolution occurred to him. "Why +make all public," he muttered to himself, "if it can be avoided? and it +may be avoided!" He paused a moment, then retraced his way to the +pawnbroker's, and, after a brief mandate to Mr. Swoppem, returned home. +In the course of the same evening the witness we refer to was brought to +the lawyer's house by Mr. Swoppem, and there held a long and private +conversation with Brandon; the result of this seemed a compact to their +mutual satisfaction, for the man went away safe, with a heavy purse and a +light heart, although sundry shades and misgivings did certainly ever and +anon cross the latter; while Brandon flung himself back in his seat with +the triumphant air of one who has accomplished some great measure, and +his dark face betrayed in every feature a joyousness and hope which were +unfrequent guests, it must be owned, either to his countenance or his +heart. + +So good a man of business, however, was William Brandon that he allowed +not the event of that day to defer beyond the night his attention to his +designs for the aggrandizement of his niece and house. By daybreak the +next morning he had written to Lord Mauleverer, to his brother, and to +Lucy. To the last his letter, couched in all the anxiety of fondness and +the caution of affectionate experience, was well calculated to occasion +that mingled shame and soreness which the wary lawyer rightly judged +would be the most effectual enemy to an incipient passion. "I have +accidentally heard," he wrote, "from a friend of mine, just arrived from +Bath, of the glaring attentions paid to you by a Captain Clifford; I will +not, my dearest niece, wound you by repeating what also I heard of your +manner in receiving them. I know the ill-nature and the envy of the +world; and I do not for a moment imagine that my Lucy, of whom I am so +justly proud, would countenance, from a petty coquetry, the advances of +one whom she could never marry, or evince to any suitor partiality +unknown to her relations, and certainly placed in a quarter which could +never receive their approbation. I do not credit the reports of the +idle, my dear niece; but if I discredit, you must not slight them. +I call upon your prudence, your delicacy, your discretion, your sense of +right, at once and effectually to put a stop to all impertinent rumours: +dance with this young man no more; do not let him be of your party in any +place of amusement, public or private; avoid even seeing him if you are +able, and throw in your manner towards him that decided coldness which +the world cannot mistake." Much more did the skilful uncle write, but +all to the same purpose, and for the furtherance of the same design. His +letter to his brother was not less artful. He told him at once that +Lucy's preference of the suit of a handsome fortune-hunter was the public +talk, and besought him to lose not a moment in quelling the rumour. "You +may do so easily," he wrote, "by avoiding the young man; and should he be +very importunate, return at once to Warlock. Your daughter's welfare +must be dearer to you than anything." + +To Mauleverer, Brandon replied by a letter which turned first on public +matters, and then slid carelessly into the subject of the earl's +information. + +Among the admonitions which he ventured to give Mauleverer, he dwelt, +not without reason, on the want of tact displayed by the earl in not +manifesting that pomp and show which his station in life enabled him to +do. "Remember," he urged, "you are not among your equals, by whom +unnecessary parade begins to be considered an ostentatious vulgarity. +The surest method of dazzling our inferiors is by splendour, not taste. +All young persons--all women in particular--are caught by show, and +enamoured of magnificence. Assume a greater state, and you will be more +talked of; and notoriety wins a woman's heart more than beauty or youth. +You have, forgive me, played the boy too long; a certain dignity becomes +your manhood; women will not respect you if you suffer yourself to become +'stale and cheap to vulgar company.' You are like a man who has fifty +advantages, and uses only one of them to gain his point, when you rely on +your conversation and your manner, and throw away the resources of your +wealth and your station. Any private gentleman may be amiable and witty; +but any private gentleman cannot call to his aid the Aladdin's lamp +possessed in England by a wealthy peer. Look to this, my dear lord! +Lucy at heart is vain, or she is not a woman. Dazzle her, then,--dazzle! +Love may be blind, but it must be made so by excess of light. You have a +country-house within a few miles of Bath. Why not take up your abode +there instead of in a paltry lodging in the town? Give sumptuous +entertainments,--make it necessary for all the world to attend them,-- +exclude, of course, this Captain Clifford; you will then meet Lucy +without a rival. At present, excepting only your title, you fight on a +level ground with this adventurer, instead of an eminence from which you +could in an instant sweep him away. Nay, he is stronger than you; he has +the opportunities afforded by a partnership in balls where you cannot +appear to advantage; he is, you say, in the first bloom of youth, he is +handsome. Reflect!--your destiny, so far as Lucy is concerned, is in +your hands. I turn to other subjects," etc. As Brandon re-read, ere he +signed, this last letter, a bitter smile sat on his harsh yet handsome +features. "If," said he, mentally, "I can effect this object,--if +Mauleverer does marry this girl,--why so much the better that she has +another, a fairer, and a more welcome lover. By the great principle of +scorn within me, which has enabled me to sneer at what weaker minds +adore, and make a footstool of that worldly honour which fools set up as +a throne, it would be to me more sweet than fame--ay, or even than power +--to see this fine-spun lord a gibe in the mouths of men,--a cuckold, a +cuckold!" and as he said the last word Brandon laughed outright. "And he +thinks, too," added he, "that he is sure of my fortune; otherwise, +perhaps, he, the goldsmith's descendant, would not dignify our house with +his proposals; but he may err there,--he may err there," and, finishing +his soliloquy, Brandon finished also his letter by--"Adieu, my dear lord, +your most affectionate friend"! + +It is not difficult to conjecture the effect produced upon Lucy by +Brandon's letter. It made her wretched; she refused for days to go out; +she shut herself up in her apartment, and consumed the time in tears and +struggles with her own heart. Sometimes what she conceived to be her +duty conquered, and she resolved to forswear her lover; but the night +undid the labour of the day,--for at night, every night, the sound of her +lover's voice, accompanied by music, melted away her resolution, and made +her once more all tenderness and trust. The words, too, sung under her +window were especially suited to affect her; they breathed a melancholy +which touched her the more from its harmony with her own thoughts. One +while they complained of absence, at another they hinted at neglect; but +there was always in them a tone of humiliation, not reproach; they +bespoke a sense of unworthiness in the lover, and confessed that even the +love was a crime: and in proportion as they owned the want of desert did +Lucy more firmly cling to the belief that her lover was deserving. + +The old squire was greatly disconcerted by his brother's letter. Though +impressed with the idea of self-consequence, and the love of tolerably +pure blood, common to most country squires, he was by no means ambitious +for his daughter. On the contrary, the same feeling which at Warlock had +made him choose his companions among the inferior gentry made him averse +to the thought of a son-in-law from the peerage. In spite of +Mauleverer's good-nature, the very ease of the earl annoyed him, and he +never felt at home in his society. To Clifford he had a great liking; +and having convinced himself that there was nothing to suspect in the +young gentleman, he saw no earthly reason why so agreeable a companion +should not be an agreeable son-in-law. "If he be poor," thought the +squire, "though he does not seem so, Lucy is rich!" And this truism +appeared to him to answer every objection. Nevertheless, William Brandon +possessed a remarkable influence over the weaker mind of his brother; and +the squire, though with great reluctance, resolved to adopt his advice. +He shut his doors against Clifford, and when he met him in the streets, +instead of greeting him with his wonted cordiality, he passed him with a +hasty "Good day, Captain!" which, after the first day or two, merged into +a distant bow. Whenever very good-hearted people are rude, and unjustly +so, the rudeness is in the extreme. The squire felt it so irksome to be +less familiar than heretofore with Clifford, that his only remaining +desire was now to drop him altogether; and to this consummation of +acquaintance the gradually cooling salute appeared rapidly approaching. +Meanwhile Clifford, unable to see Lucy, shunned by her father, and +obtaining in answer to all inquiry rude looks from the footman, whom +nothing but the most resolute command over his muscles prevented him from +knocking down, began to feel perhaps, for the first time in his life, +that an equivocal character is at least no equivocal misfortune. To add +to his distress, "the earnings of his previous industry"--we use the +expression cherished by the wise Tomlinson--waxed gradually less and less +beneath the expenses of Bath; and the murmuring voices of his two +comrades began already to reproach their chief for his inglorious +idleness, and to hint at the necessity of a speedy exertion. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + Whackum. Look you there, now! Well, all Europe cannot show a knot + of finer wits and braver gentlemen. + + Dingboy. Faith, they are pretty smart men. + + SHADWELL: Scourers. + +The world of Bath was of a sudden delighted by the intelligence that Lord +Mauleverer had gone to Beauvale (the beautiful seat possessed by that +nobleman in the neighbourhood of Bath), with the intention of there +holding a series of sumptuous entertainments. + +The first persons to whom the gay earl announced his "hospitable purpose" +were Mr. and Miss Brandon; he called at their house, and declared his +resolution of not leaving it till Lucy (who was in her own room) +consented to gratify him with an interview, and a promise to be the queen +of his purposed festival. Lucy, teased by her father, descended to the +drawing-room, spiritless and pale; and the earl, struck by the alteration +of her appearance, took her hand, and made his inquiries with so +interesting and feeling a semblance of kindness as prepossessed the +father for the first time in his favour, and touched even the daughter. +So earnest, too, was his request that she would honour his festivities +with her presence, and with so skilful a flattery was it conveyed, that +the squire undertook to promise the favour in her name; and when the +earl, declaring he was not contented with that promise from another, +appealed to Lucy herself, her denial was soon melted into a positive +though a reluctant assent. + +Delighted with his success, and more struck with Lucy's loveliness, +refined as it was by her paleness, than he had ever been before, +Mauleverer left the house, and calculated, with greater accuracy than he +had hitherto done, the probable fortune Lucy would derive from her uncle. + +No sooner were the cards issued for Lord Mauleverer's fete than nothing +else was talked of among the circles which at Bath people were pleased to +term "the World." + +But in the interim caps are making, and talk flowing, at Bath; and when +it was found that Lord Mauleverer--the good-natured Lord Mauleverer, the +obliging Lord Mauleverer--was really going to be exclusive, and out of a +thousand acquaintances to select only eight hundred, it is amazing how +his popularity deepened into respect. Now, then, came anxiety and +triumph; she who was asked turned her back upon her who was not,--old +friendships dissolved,--Independence wrote letters for a ticket,--and, as +England is the freest country in the world, all the Mistresses Hodges and +Snodges begged to take the liberty of bringing their youngest daughters. + +Leaving the enviable Mauleverer,--the god-like occasion of so much +happiness and woe, triumph and dejection,--ascend with us, O reader, into +those elegant apartments over the hairdresser's shop, tenanted by Mr. +Edward Pepper and Mr. Augustus Tomlinson. The time was that of evening; +Captain Clifford had been dining with his two friends; the cloth was +removed, and conversation was flowing over a table graced by two bottles +of port, a bowl of punch for Mr. Pepper's especial discussion, two dishes +of filberts, another of devilled biscuits, and a fourth of three Pomarian +crudities, which nobody touched. + +The hearth was swept clean, the fire burned high and clear, the curtains +were let down, and the light excluded. Our three adventurers and their +rooms seemed the picture of comfort. So thought Mr. Pepper; for, +glancing round the chamber and putting his feet upon the fender, he +said,-- + +"Were my portrait to be taken, gentlemen, it is just as I am now that I +would be drawn!" + +"And," said Tomlinson, cracking his filberts,--Tomlinson was fond of +filberts,--"were I to choose a home, it is in such a home as this that I +would be always quartered." + +"Ah, gentlemen," said Clifford, who had been for some time silent, "it is +more than probable that both your wishes may be heard, and that ye may be +drawn, quartered, and something else, too, in the very place of your +desert!" + +"Well," said Tomlinson, smiling gently, "I am happy to hear you jest +again, Captain, though it be at our expense." + +"Expense!" echoed Ned; "ay, there's the rub! Who the deuce is to pay the +expense of our dinner?" + +"And our dinners for the last week?" added Tomlinson. "This empty nut +looks ominous; it certainly has one grand feature strikingly resembling +my pockets." + +"Heigho!" sighed Long Ned, turning his waistcoat commodities inside-out +with a significant gesture, while the accomplished Tomlinson, who was +fond of plaintive poetry, pointed to the disconsolate vacua, and +exclaimed, + + "E'en while Fashion's brightest arts decoy, + The heart desponding asks if this be joy!" + +"In truth, gentlemen," added he, solemnly depositing his nut-crackers on +the table, and laying, as was his wont when about to be luminous, his +right finger on his sinister palm,--"in truth, gentlemen, affairs are +growing serious with us, and it becomes necessary forthwith to devise +some safe means of procuring a decent competence." + +"I am dunned confoundedly," cried Ned. + +"And," continued Tomlinson, "no person of delicacy likes to be subjected +to the importunity of vulgar creditors; we must therefore raise money for +the liquidation of our debts. Captain Lovett, or Clifford, whichever you +be styled, we call upon you to assist us in so praiseworthy a purpose." + +Clifford turned his eyes first on one and then on the other; but made no +answer. + +"_Imprimis_," said Tomlinson, "let us each produce our stock in hand; for +my part, I am free to confess--for what shame is there in that poverty +which our exertions are about to relieve?--that I have only two guineas +four shillings and threepence halfpenny!" + +"And I," said Long Ned, taking a China ornament from the chimney-piece, +and emptying its contents in his hand, "am in a still more pitiful +condition. See, I have only three shillings and a bad guinea. I gave +the guinea to the waiter at the White Hart yesterday; the dog brought it +back to me to-day, and I was forced to change it with my last shiner. +Plague take the thing! I bought it of a Jew for four shillings, and have +lost one pound five by the bargain." + +"Fortune frustrates our wisest schemes," rejoined the moralizing +Augustus. "Captain, will you produce the scanty wrecks of your wealth?" + +Clifford, still silent, threw a purse on the table. Augustus carefully +emptied it, and counted out five guineas; an expression of grave surprise +settled on Tomlinson's contemplative brow, and extending the coins +towards Clifford, he said in a melancholy tone,-- + + "All your pretty ones? + Did you say all?" + +A look from Clifford answered the interesting interrogatory. "These, +then," said Tomlinson, collecting "in his hand the common wealth,-- +"these, then, are all our remaining treasures!" As he spoke, he jingled +the coins mournfully in his palm, and gazing upon them with a parental +air, exclaimed,-- + + "Alas! regardless of their doom, the little victims play!" + +"Oh, d---it!" said Ned, "no sentiment! Let us come to business at once. +To tell you the truth, I, for one, am tired of this heiress-hunting, and +a man may spend a fortune in the chase before he can win one." + +"You despair then, positively, of the widow you have courted so long?" +asked Tomlinson. + +"Utterly," rejoined Ned, whose addresses had been limited solely to the +dames of the middling class, and who had imagined himself at one time, as +he punningly expressed it, sure of a dear rib from Cheapside,--"utterly; +she was very civil to me at first, but when I proposed, asked me, with a +blush, for my 'references.' 'References?' said I; 'why, I want the place +of your husband, my charmer, not your footman!' The dame was inexorable, +said she could not take me without a character, but hinted that I might +be the lover instead of the bridegroom; and when I scorned the +suggestion, and pressed for the parson, she told me point-blank, with her +unlucky city pronunciation, 'that she would never accompany me to the +halter!'" + +"Ha, ha, ha!" cried Tomlinson, laughing. One can scarcely blame the good +lady for that. Love rarely brooks such permanent ties. But have you no +other lady in your eye?" + +"Not for matrimony,--all roads but those to the church!" While this +dissolute pair were thus conversing, Clifford, leaning against the +wainscot, listened to them with a sick and bitter feeling of degradation, +which till of late days had been a stranger to his breast. He was at +length aroused from his silence by Ned, who, bending forward and placing +his hand upon Clifford's knee, said abruptly,-- + +"In short, Captain, you must lead us once more to glory. We have still +our horses, and I keep my mask in my pocketbook, together with my comb. +Let us take the road to-morrow night, dash across the country towards +Salisbury, and after a short visit in that neighbourhood to a band of old +friends of mine,--bold fellows, who would have stopped the devil himself +when he was at work upon Stonehenge,--make a tour by Reading and Henley +and end by a plunge into London." + +"You have spoken well, Ned!" said Tomlinson, approvingly. "Now, noble +captain, your opinion?" + +"Messieurs," answered Clifford, "I highly approve of your intended +excursion, and I only regret that I cannot be your companion." + +"Not! and why?" cried Mr. Pepper, amazed. + +"Because I have business here that renders it impossible; perhaps, before +long, I may join you in London." + +"Nay," said Tomlinson, "there is no necessity for our going to London, if +you wish to remain here; nor need we at present recur to so desperate an +expedient as the road,--a little quiet business at Bath will answer our +purpose; and for my part, as you well know, I love exerting my wits in +some scheme more worthy of them than the highway,--a profession meeter +for a bully than a man of genius. Let us then, Captain, plan a project +of enrichment on the property of some credulous tradesman! Why have +recourse to rough measures so long as we can find easy fools?" + +Clifford shook his head. "I will own to you fairly," said he, "that I +cannot at present take a share in your exploits; nay, as your chief I +must lay my positive commands on you to refrain from all exercise of your +talents at Bath. Rob, if you please: the world is before you; but this +city is sacred." + +"Body o' me!" cried Ned, colouring, "but this is too good. I will not be +dictated to in this manner." + +"But, sir," answered Clifford, who had learned in his oligarchical +profession the way to command,--"but, sir, you shall, or if you mutiny +you leave our body, and then will the hangman have no petty chance of +your own. Come, come! ingrate as you are, what would you be without me? +How many times have I already saved that long carcass of thine from the +rope, and now would you have the baseness to rebel? Out on you!" + +Though Mr. Pepper was still wroth, be bit his lip in moody silence, and +suffered not his passion to have its way; while Clifford, rising, after a +short pause continued: "Look you, Mr. Pepper, you know my commands; +consider them peremptory. I wish you success and plenty! Farewell, +gentlemen!" + +"Do you leave us already?" cried Tomlinson. "You are offended." + +"Surely not!" answered Clifford, retreating to the door. "But an +engagement elsewhere, you know!" + +"Ay, I take you," said Tomlinson, following Clifford out of the room, and +shutting the door after him. "Ay, I take you!" added he, in a whisper, +as he arrested Clifford at the head of the stairs. "But tell me, how do +you get on with the heiress?" + +Smothering that sensation at his heart which made Clifford, reckless as +he was, enraged and ashamed, whenever through the lips of his comrades +there issued any allusion to Lucy Brandon, the chief replied: "I fear, +Tomlinson, that I am already suspected by the old squire! All of a +sudden he avoids me, shuts his door against me; Miss Brandon goes +nowhere, and even if she did, what could I expect from her after this +sudden change in the father?" + +Tomlinson looked blank and disconcerted. "But," said he, after a +moment's silence, "why not put a good face on the matter, walk up to the +squire, and ask him the reason of his unkindness?" + +"Why, look you, my friend; I am bold enough with all others, but this +girl has made me as bashful as a maid in all that relates to herself. +Nay, there are moments when I think I can conquer all selfish feeling and +rejoice for her sake that she has escaped me. Could I but see her once +more, I could--yes! I feel--I feel I could--resign her forever!" + +"Humph!" said Tomlinson; "and what is to become of us? Really, my +captain, your sense of duty should lead you to exert yourself; your +friends starve before your eyes, while you are shilly-shallying about +your mistress. Have you no bowels for friendship?" + +"A truce with this nonsense!" said Clifford, angrily. + +"It is sense,--sober sense,--and sadness too," rejoined Tomlinson. "Ned +is discontented, our debts are imperious. Suppose, now,--just suppose,-- +that we take a moonlight flitting from Bath, will that tell well for you +whom we leave behind? Yet this we must do, if you do not devise some +method of refilling our purses. Either, then, consent to join us in a +scheme meet for our wants, or pay our debts in this city, or fly with us +to London, and dismiss all thoughts of that love which is so seldom +friendly to the projects of ambition." + +Notwithstanding the manner in which Tomlinson made this threefold +proposition, Clifford could not but acknowledge the sense and justice +contained in it; and a glance at the matter sufficed to show how ruinous +to his character, and therefore to his hopes, would be the flight of his +comrades and the clamour of their creditors. + +"You speak well, Tomlinson," said he, hesitating; "and yet for the life +of me I cannot aid you in any scheme which may disgrace us by detection. +Nothing can reconcile me to the apprehension of Miss Brandon's +discovering who and what was her suitor." + +"I feel for you," said Tomlinson, "but give me and Pepper at least +permission to shift for ourselves; trust to my known prudence for finding +some method to raise the wind without creating a dust; in other words +(this cursed Pepper makes one so vulgar!), of preying on the public +without being discovered." + +"I see no alternative," answered Clifford, reluctantly; "but if possible, +be quiet for the present. Bear with me for a few days longer, give me +only sufficient time once more to see Miss Brandon, and I will engage to +extricate you from your difficulties!" + +"Spoken like yourself, frankly and nobly," replied Tomlinson; "no one has +a greater confidence in your genius, once exerted, than I have!" + +So saying, the pair shook hands and parted. Tomlinson rejoined Mr. +Pepper. + +"Well, have you settled anything?" quoth the latter. + +"Not exactly; and though Lovett has promised to exert himself in a few +days, yet, as the poor man is in love, and his genius under a cloud, I +have little faith in his promises." + +"And I have none!" said Pepper; "besides, time presses! A few days!-- +a few devils! We are certainly scented here, and I walk about like a +barrel of beer at Christmas, under hourly apprehension of being tapped!" + +"It is very strange," said the philosophic Augustus; "but I think there +is an instinct in tradesmen by which they can tell a rogue at first +sight; and I can get (dress I ever so well) no more credit with my +laundress than my friends the Whigs can with the people." + +"In short, then," said Ned, "we must recur at once to the road; and on +the day after to-morrow there will be an excellent opportunity. The old +earl with the hard name gives a breakfast, or feast, or some such +mummery. I understand people will stay till after nightfall; let us +watch our opportunity, we are famously mounted, and some carriage later +than the general string may furnish us with all our hearts can desire!" + +"Bravo!" cried Tomlinson, shaking Mr. Pepper heartily by the hand; "I +give you joy of your ingenuity, and you may trust to me to make our peace +afterwards with Lovett. Any enterprise that seems to him gallant he is +always willing enough to forgive; and as he never practises any other +branch of the profession than that of the road (for which I confess that +I think him foolish), he will be more ready to look over our exploits in +that line than in any other more subtle but less heroic." + +"Well, I leave it to you to propitiate the cove or not, as you please; +and now that we have settled the main point, let us finish the lush!" + +"And," added Augustus, taking a pack of cards from the chimney-piece, "we +can in the mean while have a quiet game at cribbage for shillings." + +"Done!" cried Ned, clearing away the dessert. + +If the redoubted hearts of Mr. Edward Pepper, and that Ulysses of +robbers, Augustus Tomlinson, beat high as the hours brought on Lord +Mauleverer's fete, their leader was not without anxiety and expectation +for the same event. He was uninvited, it is true, to the gay scene; but +he had heard in public that Miss Brandon, recovered from her late +illness, was certainly to be there; and Clifford, torn with suspense, and +eager once more, even if for the last time, to see the only person who +had ever pierced his soul with a keen sense of his errors or crimes, +resolved to risk all obstacles and meet her at Mauleverer's. + +"My life," said he, as he sat alone in his apartment, eying the falling +embers of his still and lethargic fire, "may soon approach its +termination; it is, indeed, out of the chances of things that I can long +escape the doom of my condition; and when, as a last hope to raise myself +from my desperate state into respectability and reform, I came hither, +and meditated purchasing independence by marriage, I was blind to the +cursed rascality of the action! Happy, after all, that my intentions +were directed against one whom I so soon and so adoringly learned to +love! Had I wooed one whom I loved less, I might not have scrupled to +deceive her into marriage. As it is,--well, it is idle in me to think +thus of my resolution, when I have not even the option to choose; when +her father, perhaps, has already lifted the veil from my assumed +dignities, and the daughter already shrinks in horror from my name. Yet +I will see her! I will look once more upon that angel face, I will hear +from her own lips the confession of her scorn, I will see that bright eye +flash hatred upon me, and I can then turn once more to my fatal career, +and forget that I have ever repented that it was begun. Yet, what else +could have been my alternative? Friendless, homeless, nameless,--an +orphan, worse than an orphan,--the son of a harlot, my father even +unknown; yet cursed with early aspirings and restlessness, and a half +glimmering of knowledge, and an entire lust of whatever seemed +enterprise,--what wonder that I chose anything rather than daily labour +and perpetual contumely? After all, the fault is in fortune and the +world, not me! Oh, Lucy! had I but been born in your sphere, had I but +possessed the claim to merit you, what would I not have done and dared +and conquered for your sake!" + +Such, or similar to these, were the thoughts of Clifford during the +interval between his resolution of seeing Lucy and the time of effecting +it. The thoughts were of no pleasing though of an exciting nature; nor +were they greatly soothed by the ingenious occupation of cheating himself +into the belief that if he was a highwayman, it was altogether the fault +of the highways. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + Dream. Let me but see her, dear Leontins. + Humorous Lieutenant. + + Hempskirke. It was the fellow, sure. + Wolfort. What are you, sirrah? + Beggar's Bush. + +O thou divine spirit that burnest in every breast, inciting each with the +sublime desire to be fine; that stirrest up the great to become little in +order to seem greater, and that makest a duchess woo insult for a +voucher,--thou that delightest in so many shapes, multifarious yet the +same; spirit that makest the high despicable, and the lord meaner than +his valet; equally great whether thou cheatest a friend or cuttest a +father; lacquering all thou touchest with a bright vulgarity that thy +votaries imagine to be gold,--thou that sendest the few to fashionable +balls and the many to fashionable novels; that smitest even Genius as +well as Folly, making the favourites of the gods boast an acquaintance +they have not with the graces of a mushroom peerage rather than the +knowledge they have of the Muses of an eternal Helicon,--thou that +leavest in the great ocean of our manners no dry spot for the foot of +independence; that pallest on the jaded eye with a moving and girdling +panorama of daubed vilenesses, and fritterest away the souls of free-born +Britons into a powder smaller than the angels which dance in myriads on a +pin's point,--whether, O spirit! thou callest thyself Fashion or Ton, or +Ambition or Vanity or Cringing or Cant or any title equally lofty and +sublime,--would that from thy wings we could gain but a single plume! +Fain would we, in fitting strain, describe the festivities of that +memorable day when the benevolent Lord Mauleverer received and blessed +the admiring universe of Bath. + +But to be less poetical, as certain writers say, when they have been +writing nonsense,--but to be less poetical and more exact, the morning, +though in the depth of winter, was bright and clear, and Lord Mauleverer +found himself in particularly good health. Nothing could be better +planned than the whole of his arrangements. Unlike those which are +ordinarily chosen for the express reason of being as foreign as possible +to the nature of our climate, all at Lord Mauleverer's were made suitable +to a Greenland atmosphere. The temples and summer-houses, interspersed +through the grounds, were fitted up, some as Esquimaux huts, others as +Russian pavilions; fires were carefully kept up; the musicians Mauleverer +took care should have as much wine as they pleased; they were set +skilfully in places where they were unseen, but where they could be +heard. One or two temporary buildings were erected for those who loved +dancing; and as Mauleverer, miscalculating on the principles of human +nature, thought gentlemen might be averse from ostentatious exhibition, +he had hired persons to skate minuets and figures of eight upon his +lakes, for the amusement of those who were fond of skating. All people +who would be kind enough to dress in strange costumes and make odd +noises, which they called singing, the earl had carefully engaged, and +planted in the best places for making them look still stranger than they +were. + +There was also plenty to eat, and more than plenty to drink. Mauleverer +knew well that our countrymen and countrywomen, whatever be their rank, +like to have their spirits exalted. In short, the whole _dejeuner_ was +so admirably contrived that it was probable the guests would not look +much more melancholy during the amusements than they would have done had +they been otherwise engaged at a funeral. + +Lucy and the squire were among the first arrivals. Mauleverer, +approaching the father and daughter with his most courtly manner, +insisted on taking the latter under his own escort, and being her +cicerone through the round of preparations. + +As the crowd thickened, and it was observed how gallant were the +attentions testified towards Lucy by the host, many and envious were the +whispers of the guests! Those good people, naturally angry at the +thought that two individuals should be married, divided themselves into +two parties: one abused Lucy, and the other Lord Mauleverer; the former +vituperated her art, the latter his folly. "I thought she would play her +cards well, deceitful creature!" said the one. "January and May," +muttered the other; "the man's sixty!" It was noticeable that the party +against Lucy was chiefly composed of ladies, that against Mauleverer of +men; that conduct must indeed be heinous which draws down the indignation +of one's own sex! + +Unconscious of her crimes, Lucy moved along, leaning on the arm of the +gallant earl, and languidly smiling, with her heart far away, at his +endeavours to amuse her. There was something interesting in the mere +contrast of the pair; so touching seemed the beauty of the young girl, +with her delicate cheek, maiden form, drooping eyelid, and quiet +simplicity of air, in comparison to the worldly countenance and +artificial grace of her companion. + +After some time, when they were in a sequestered part of the grounds, +Mauleverer, observing that none were near, entered a rude hut; and so +fascinated was he at that moment by the beauty of his guest, and so meet +to him seemed the opportunity of his confession, that he with difficulty +suppressed the avowal rising to his lips, and took the more prudent plan +of first sounding and preparing as it were the way. + +"I cannot tell you, my dear Miss Brandon," said he, slightly pressing the +beautiful hand leaning on his arm, "how happy I am to see you the guest-- +the queen, rather--of my house! Ah! could the bloom of youth return with +its feelings! Time is never so cruel as when, while stealing from us the +power to please, he leaves us in full vigour the unhappy privilege to be +charmed!" + +Mauleverer expected at least a blushing contradiction to the implied +application of a sentiment so affectingly expressed: he was disappointed. +Lucy, less alive than usual to the sentimental, or its reverse, scarcely +perceived his meaning, and answered simply that it was very true. "This +comes of being, like my friend Burke, too refined for one's audience," +thought Mauleverer, wincing a little from the unexpected reply. "And +yet!" he resumed, "I would not forego my power to admire, futile, nay, +painful as it is. Even now, while I gaze on you, my heart tells me that +the pleasure I enjoy, it is at your command at once and forever to blight +into misery; but while it tells me, I gaze on!" + +Lucy raised her eyes, and something of her natural archness played in +their expression. + +"I believe, my lord," said she, moving from the hut, "that it would be +better to join your guests: walls have ears; and what would be the gay +Lord Mauleverer's self-reproach if he heard again of his fine compliments +to--" + +"The most charming person in Europe!" cried Mauleverer, vehemently; and +the hand which he before touched he now clasped. At that instant Lucy +saw opposite to her, half hid by a copse of evergreens, the figure of +Clifford. His face, which seemed pale and wan, was not directed towards +the place where she stood, and he evidently did not perceive Mauleverer +or herself; yet so great was the effect that this glimpse of him produced +on Lucy, that she trembled violently, and, unconsciously uttering a faint +cry, snatched her hand from Mauleverer. + +The earl started, and catching the expression of her eyes, turned +instantly towards the spot to which her gaze seemed riveted. He had not +heard the rustling of the boughs, but he saw, with his habitual quickness +of remark, that they still trembled, as if lately displaced; and he +caught through their interstices the glimpse of a receding figure. He +sprang forward with an agility very uncommon to his usual movements; but +before he gained the copse, every vestige of the intruder had vanished. + +What slaves we are to the moment! As Mauleverer turned back to rejoin +Lucy, who, agitated almost to fainting, leaned against the rude wall of +the but, he would as soon have thought of flying as of making that +generous offer of self, etc., which the instant before he had been +burning to render Lucy. The vain are always sensitively jealous; and +Mauleverer, remembering Clifford, and Lucy's blushes in dancing with him, +instantly accounted for her agitation and its cause. With a very grave +air he approached the object of his late adoration, and requested to know +if it were not some abrupt intruder that had occasioned her alarm. Lucy, +scarcely knowing what she said, answered in a low voice that it was, +indeed, and begged instantly to rejoin her father. Mauleverer offered +his arm with great dignity; and the pair passed into the frequented part +of the grounds, where Mauleverer once more brightened into smiles and +courtesy to all around him. + +"He is certainly accepted!" said Mr. Shrewd to Lady Simper. + +"What an immense match for the girl!" was Lady Simper's reply. + +Amidst the music, the dancing, the throng, the noise, Lucy found it easy +to recover herself; and disengaging her arm from Lord Mauleverer, as she +perceived her father, she rejoined the squire, and remained a patient +listener to his remarks till late in the noon it became an understood +matter that people were expected to go into a long room in order to eat +and drink. Mauleverer, now alive to the duties of his situation, and +feeling exceedingly angry with Lucy, was more reconciled than he +otherwise might have been to the etiquette which obliged him to select +for the object of his hospitable cares an old dowager duchess instead of +the beauty of the fete; but he took care to point out to the squire the +places appointed for himself and daughter, which were, though at some +distance from the earl, under the providence of his vigilant survey. + +While Mauleverer was deifying the dowager duchess, and refreshing his +spirits with a chicken and a medicinal glass of madeira, the conversation +near Lucy turned, to her infinite dismay, upon Clifford. Some one had +seen him in the grounds, booted and in a riding undress (in that day +people seldom rode and danced in the same conformation of coat); and as +Mauleverer was a precise person about those little matters of etiquette, +this negligence of Clifford's made quite a subject of discussion. By +degrees the conversation changed into the old inquiry as to who this +Captain Clifford was; and just as it had reached that point, it reached +also the gently deafened ears of Lord Mauleverer. + +"Pray, my lord," said the old duchess, "since he is one of your guests, +you, who know who and what every one is, can possibly inform us of the +real family of this beautiful Mr. Clifford?" + +"One of my guests, did you say?" answered Mauleverer, irritated greatly +beyond his usual quietness of manner. "Really, your grace does me wrong. +He may be a guest of my valet, but he assuredly is not mine; and should I +encounter him, I shall leave it to my valet to give him his _conge_ as +well as his invitation!" + +Mauleverer, heightening his voice as he observed athwart the table an +alternate paleness and flush upon Lucy's face, which stung all the +angrier passions, generally torpid in him, into venom, looked round, on +concluding, with a haughty and sarcastic air. So loud had been his tone, +so pointed the insult, and so dead the silence at the table while he +spoke, that every one felt the affront must be carried at once to +Clifford's hearing, should he be in the room. And after Mauleverer had +ceased, there was a universal nervous and indistinct expectation of an +answer and a scene; all was still, and it soon became certain that +Clifford was not in the apartment. When Mr. Shrewd had fully convinced +himself of this fact,--for there was a daring spirit about Clifford which +few wished to draw upon themselves,--that personage broke the pause by +observing that no man who pretended to be a gentleman would intrude +himself, unasked and unwelcome, into any society; and Mauleverer, +catching up the observation, said (drinking wine at the same time with +Mr. Shrewd) that undoubtedly such conduct fully justified the rumours +respecting Mr. Clifford, and utterly excluded him from that rank to which +it was before more than suspected he had no claim. + +So luminous and satisfactory an opinion from such an authority, once +broached, was immediately and universally echoed; and long before the +repast was over, it seemed to be tacitly agreed that Captain Clifford +should be sent to Coventry, and if he murmured at the exile, he would +have no right to insist upon being sent thence to the devil. + +The good old squire, mindful of his former friendship for Clifford, and +not apt to veer, was about to begin a speech on the occasion, when Lucy, +touching his arm, implored him to be silent; and so ghastly was the +paleness of her cheek while she spoke, that the squire's eyes, obtuse as +he generally was, opened at once to the real secret of her heart. As +soon as the truth flashed upon him, he wondered, recalling Clifford's +great personal beauty and marked attentions, that it had not flashed upon +him sooner; and leaning back on his chair, he sank into one of the most +unpleasant reveries he had ever conceived. + +At a given signal the music for the dancers recommenced, and at a hint to +that effect from the host, persons rose without ceremony to repair to +other amusements, and suffer such guests as had hitherto been excluded +from eating to occupy the place of the relinquishers. Lucy, glad to +escape, was one of the first to resign her situation, and with the squire +she returned to the grounds. During the banquet, evening had closed in, +and the scene now really became fairy-like and picturesque; lamps hung +from many a tree, reflecting the light through the richest and softest +hues; the music itself sounded more musically than during the day; gipsy- +tents were pitched at wild corners and copses, and the bright wood-fires +burning in them blazed merrily upon the cold yet cheerful air of the +increasing night. The view was really novel and inviting; and as it had +been an understood matter that ladies were to bring furs, cloaks, and +boots, all those who thought they looked well in such array made little +groups, and scattered themselves about the grounds and in the tents. +They, on the contrary, in whom "the purple light of love" was apt by the +frost to be propelled from the cheeks to the central ornament of the +face, or who thought a fire in a room quite as agreeable as a fire in a +tent, remained within, and contemplated the scene through the open +windows. + +Lucy longed to return home, nor was the squire reluctant; but, unhappily, +it wanted an hour to the time at which the carriage had been ordered, and +she mechanically joined a group of guests who had persuaded the good- +natured squire to forget his gout and venture forth to look at the +illuminations. Her party was soon joined by others, and the group +gradually thickened into a crowd; the throng was stationary for a few +minutes before a little temple in which fireworks had just commenced an +additional attraction to the scene. Opposite to this temple, as well as +in its rear, the walks and trees had been purposely left in comparative +darkness, in order to heighten the effect of the fireworks. + +"I declare," said Lady Simper, glancing down one of the alleys which +seemed to stretch away into blackness,--"I declare it seems quite a +lovers' walk. How kind in Lord Mauleverer!--such a delicate attention--" + +"To your ladyship!" added Mr. Shrewd, with a bow. While, one of this +crowd, Lucy was vacantly eying the long trains of light which ever and +anon shot against the sky, she felt her hand suddenly seized, and at the +same time a voice whispered, "For God's sake, read this now and grant my +request!" + +The voice, which seemed to rise from the very heart of the speaker, Lucy +knew at once; she trembled violently, and remained for some minutes with +eyes which did not dare to look from the ground. A note she felt had +been left in her hand; and the agonized and earnest tone of that voice, +which was dearer to her than the fulness of all music, made her impatient +yet afraid to read it. As she recovered courage, she looked around, and +seeing that the attention of all was bent upon the fireworks, and that +her father in particular, leaning on his cane, seemed to enjoy the +spectacle with a child's engrossed delight, she glided softly away, and +entering unperceived one of the alleys, she read, by a solitary lamp that +burned at its entrance, the following lines, written in pencil and in a +hurried hand, apparently upon a leaf torn from a pocket-book:-- + + I implore, I entreat you, Miss Brandon, to see me, if but for a + moment. I purpose to tear myself away from the place in which you + reside, to go abroad, to leave even the spot hallowed by your + footstep. After this night my presence, my presumption, will + degrade you no more. But this night, for mercy's sake, see me, or I + shall go mad! I will but speak to you one instant: this is all I + ask. If you grant me this prayer, the walk to the left where you + stand, at the entrance to which there is one purple lamp, will + afford an opportunity to your mercy. A few yards down that walk I + will meet you,--none can see or hear us. Will you grant this? I + know not, I dare not think; but under any case, your name shall be + the last upon my lips. + P. C. + +As Lucy read this hurried scrawl, she glanced towards the lamp above her, +and saw that she had accidentally entered the very walk indicated in the +note. She paused, she hesitated; the impropriety, the singularity of the +request, darted upon her at once; on the other hand, the anxious voice +still ringing in her ear, the incoherent vehemence of the note, the risk, +the opprobrium Clifford had incurred solely--her heart whispered--to see +her, all aided her simple temper, her kind feelings, and her love for the +petitioner, in inducing her to consent. She cast one glance behind,--all +seemed occupied with far other thoughts than that of notice towards her; +she looked anxiously before,--all looked gloomy and indistinct; but +suddenly, at some little distance, she descried a dark figure in motion. +She felt her knees shake under her, her heart beat violently; she moved +onward a few paces, again paused, and looked back. The figure before her +moved as in approach; she resumed courage, and advanced,--the figure was +by her side. + +"How generous, how condescending, is this goodness in Miss Brandon!" said +the voice, which so struggled with secret and strong emotion that Lucy +scarcely recognized it as Clifford's. "I did not dare to expect it; and +now--now that I meet you--" Clifford paused, as if seeking words; and +Lucy, even through the dark, perceived that her strange companion was +powerfully excited; she waited for him to continue, but observing that he +walked on in silence, she said, though with a trembling voice, "Indeed, +Mr. Clifford, I fear that it is very, very improper in me to meet you +thus; nothing but the strong expressions in your letter--and--and--in +short, my fear that you meditated some desperate design, at which I could +not guess, caused me to yield to your wish for an interview." She +paused, and Clifford still preserving silence, she added, with some +little coldness in her tone: "If you have really aught to say to me, you +must allow me to request that you speak it quickly. This interview, you +must be sensible, ought to end almost as soon as it begins." + +"Hear me, then!" said Clifford, mastering his embarrassment and speaking +in a firm and clear voice; "is that true which I have but just heard,--is +it true that I have been spoken of in your presence in terms of insult +and affront?" + +It was now for Lucy to feel embarrassed; fearful to give pain, and yet +anxious that Clifford should know, in order that he might disprove, the +slight and the suspicion which the mystery around him drew upon his name, +she faltered between the two feelings, and without satisfying the latter, +succeeded in realizing the fear of the former. + +"Enough!" said Clifford, in a tone of deep mortification, as his quick +ear caught and interpreted, yet more humiliatingly than the truth, the +meaning of her stammered and confused reply,--"enough! I see that it is +true, and that the only human being in the world to whose good opinion I +am not indifferent has been a witness of the insulting manner in which +others have dared to speak of me!" + +"But," said Lucy, eagerly, "why give the envious or the idle any excuse? +Why not suffer your parentage and family to be publicly known? Why are +you here"--and her voice sank into a lower key--"this very day, unasked, +and therefore subject to the cavils of all who think the poor distinction +of an invitation an honour? Forgive me, Mr. Clifford; perhaps I offend. +I hurt you by speaking thus frankly; but your good name rests with +yourself, and your friends cannot but feel angry that you should trifle +with it." + +"Madam," said Clifford; and Lucy's eyes, now growing accustomed to the +darkness, perceived a bitter smile upon his lips, "my name, good or ill, +is an object of little care to me. I have read of philosophers who pride +themselves in placing no value in the opinions of the world. Rank me +among that sect. But I am--I own I am--anxious that you alone, of all +the world, should not despise me; and now that I feel you do, that you +must, everything worth living or hoping for is past!" + +"Despise you!" said Lucy, and her eyes filled with tears; "indeed you +wrong me and yourself. But listen to me, Mr. Clifford. I have seen, it +is true, but little of the world, yet I have seen enough to make me wish +I could have lived in retirement forever. The rarest quality among +either sex, though it is the simplest, seems to me good-nature; and the +only occupation of what are termed 'fashionable people' appears to be +speaking ill of one another. Nothing gives such a scope to scandal as +mystery; nothing disarms it like openness. I know, your friends know, +Mr. Clifford, that your character can bear inspection; and I believe, for +my own part, the same of your family. Why not, then, declare who and +what you are?" + +"That candour would indeed be my best defender," said Clifford, in a tone +which ran displeasingly through Lucy's ear; "but in truth, madam, I +repeat, I care not one drop of this worthless blood what men say of me: +that time has passed, and forever; perhaps it never keenly existed for +me,--no matter. I came hither, Miss Brandon, not wasting a thought on +these sickening fooleries, or on the hoary idler by whom they are given. +I came hither only once more to see you, to hear you speak, to watch you +move, to tell you"--and the speaker's voice trembled, so as to be +scarcely audible--"to tell you, if any reason for the disclosure offered +itself, that I have had the boldness, the crime, to love--to love--O God! +to adore you; and then to leave you forever!" + +Pale, trembling, scarcely preserved from falling by the tree against +which she leaned, Lucy listened to this abrupt avowal. "Dare I touch +this hand?" continued Clifford, as he knelt and took it timidly and +reverently. "You know not, you cannot dream, how unworthy is he who thus +presumes; yet not all unworthy, while he is sensible of so deep, so holy +a feeling as that which he bears to you. God bless you, Miss Brandon!-- +Lucy, God bless you! And if hereafter you hear me subjected to still +blacker suspicion or severer scrutiny than that which I now sustain; if +even your charity and goodness can find no defence for me; if the +suspicion become certainty, and the scrutiny end in condemnation,-- +believe at least that circumstances have carried me beyond my nature, and +that under fairer auspices I might have been other than I am!" + +Lucy's tear dropped upon Clifford's hand as he spoke; and while his heart +melted within him as he felt it and knew his own desperate and unredeemed +condition, he added,-- + +"Every one courts you,--the proud, the rich, the young, the high-born,-- +all are at your feet! You will select one of that number for your +husband; may he watch over you as I would have done!--love you as I do he +cannot! Yes, I repeat it," continued Clifford, vehemently,--"he cannot! +None amidst the gay, happy, silken crowd of your equals and followers can +feel for you that single and overruling passion which makes you to me +what all combined--country, power, wealth, reputation, an honest name, +peace, common safety, the quiet of the common air, alike the least +blessing and the greatest-are to all others! Once more, may God in +heaven watch over you and preserve you! I tear myself, on leaving you, +from all that cheers or blesses or raises or might have saved me! +Farewell!" + +The hand which Lucy had relinquished to her strange suitor was pressed +ardently to his lips, dropped in the same instant, and she knew that she +was once more alone. + +But Clifford, hurrying rapidly through the trees, made his way towards +the nearest gate which led from Lord Mauleverer's domain; when he reached +it, a crowd of the more elderly guests occupied the entrance, and one of +these was a lady of such distinction that Mauleverer, in spite of his +aversion to any superfluous exposure to the night air, had obliged +himself to conduct her to her carriage. He was in a very ill humour with +this constrained politeness, especially as the carriage was very slow in +relieving him of his charge, when he saw, by the lamplight, Clifford +passing near him, and winning his way to the gate. Quite forgetting his +worldly prudence, which should have made him averse to scenes with any +one, especially with a flying enemy, and a man with whom, if he believed +aright, little glory was to be gained in conquest, much less in contest; +and only remembering Clifford's rivalship, and his own hatred towards him +for the presumption, Mauleverer, uttering a hurried apology to the lady +on his arm, stepped forward, and opposing Clifford's progress, said, with +a bow of tranquil insult, "Pardon me, sir, but is it at my invitation or +that of one of my servants that you have honoured me with your company +this day?" + +Clifford's thoughts at the time of this interruption were of that nature +before which all petty misfortunes shrink into nothing; if, therefore, he +started for a moment at the earl's address, he betrayed no embarrassment +in reply, but bowing with an air of respect, and taking no notice of the +affront implied in Mauleverer's speech, he answered,-- + +"Your lordship has only to deign a glance at my dress to see that I have +not intruded myself on your grounds with the intention of claiming your +hospitality. The fact is, and I trust to your lordship's courtesy to +admit the excuse, that I leave this neighbourhood to-morrow, and for some +length of time. A person whom I was very anxious to see before I left +was one of your lordship's guests; I heard this, and knew that I should +have no other opportunity of meeting the person in question before my +departure; and I must now throw myself on the well-known politeness of +Lord Mauleverer to pardon a freedom originating in a business very much +approaching to a necessity." + +Lord Mauleverer's address to Clifford had congregated an immediate crowd +of eager and expectant listeners; but so quietly respectful and really +gentlemanlike were Clifford's air and tone in excusing himself, that the +whole throng were smitten with a sudden disappointment. + +Lord Mauleverer himself, surprised by the temper and deportment of the +unbidden guest, was at a loss for one moment; and Clifford was about to +take advantage of that moment and glide away, when Mauleverer, with a +second bow, more civil than the former one, said,-- + +"I cannot but be happy, sir, that my poor place has afforded you any +convenience; but if I am not very impertinent, will you allow me to +inquire the name of my guest with whom you required a meeting?" + +"My lord," said Clifford, drawing himself up and speaking gravely and +sternly, though still with a certain deference, "I need not surely point +out to your lordship's good sense and good feeling that your very +question implies a doubt, and consequently an affront, and that the tone +of it is not such as to justify that concession on my part which the +further explanation you require would imply!" + +Few spoken sarcasms could be so bitter as that silent one which +Mauleverer could command by a smile, and with this complimentary +expression on his thin lips and raised brow, the earl answered: "Sir, I +honour the skill testified by your reply; it must be the result of a +profound experience in these affairs. I wish you, sir, a very good +night; and the next time you favour me with a visit, I am quite sure that +your motives for so indulging me will be no less creditable to you than +at present." + +With these words Mauleverer turned to rejoin his fair charge. But +Clifford was a man who had seen in a short time a great deal of the +world, and knew tolerably well the theories of society, if not the +practice of its minutiae; moreover, he was of an acute and resolute +temper, and these properties of mind, natural and acquired, told him that +he was now in a situation in which it had become more necessary to defy +than to conciliate. Instead therefore of retiring he walked deliberately +up to Mauleverer, and said,-- + +"My lord, I shall leave it to the judgment of your guests to decide +whether you have acted the part of a nobleman and a gentleman in thus, +in your domains, insulting one who has given you such explanation of his +trespass as would fully excuse him in the eyes of all considerate or +courteous persons. I shall also leave it to them to decide whether the +tone of your inquiry allowed me to give you any further apology. But I +shall take it upon myself, my lord, to demand from you an immediate +explanation of your last speech." + +"Insolent!" cried Mauleverer, colouring with indignation, and almost for +the first time in his life losing absolute command over his temper; "do +you bandy words with me? Begone, or I shall order my servants to thrust +you forth!" + +"Begone, sir! begone!" cried several voices in echo to Mauleverer, from +those persons who deemed it now high time to take part with the powerful. + +Clifford stood his ground, gazing around with a look of angry and defying +contempt, which, joined to his athletic frame, his dark and fierce eye, +and a heavy riding-whip, which, as if mechanically, he half raised, +effectually kept the murmurers from proceeding to violence. + +"Poor pretender to breeding and to sense!" said he, disdainfully turning +to Mauleverer; "with one touch of this whip I could shame you forever, or +compel you to descend from the level of your rank to that of mine, and +the action would be but a mild return to your language. But I love +rather to teach you than to correct. According to my creed, my lord, +he conquers most in good breeding who forbears the most,--scorn enables +me to forbear! Adieu!" + +With this, Clifford turned on his heel and strode away. A murmur, +approaching to a groan, from the younger or sillier part of the parasites +(the mature and the sensible have no extra emotion to throw away), +followed him as he disappeared. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + Outlaw. Stand, sir, and throw us that you have about you! + + Val. Ruffians, forego that rude, uncivil touch! + + The Two Gentlemen of Verona. + +On leaving the scene in which he had been so unwelcome a guest, Clifford +hastened to the little inn where he had left his horse. He mounted and +returned to Bath. His thoughts were absent, and he unconsciously +suffered the horse to direct its course whither it pleased. This was +naturally towards the nearest halting-place which the animal remembered; +and this halting-place was at that illustrious tavern, in the suburbs of +the town, in which we have before commemorated Clifford's re-election to +the dignity of chief. It was a house of long-established reputation; and +here news of any of the absent confederates was always to be obtained. +This circumstance, added to the excellence of its drink, its ease, and +the electric chain of early habits, rendered it a favourite haunt, even +despite their present gay and modish pursuits, with Tomlinson and Pepper; +and here, when Clifford sought the pair at unseasonable hours, was he for +the most part sure to find them. As his meditations were interrupted by +the sudden stopping of his horse beneath the well-known sign, Clifford, +muttering an angry malediction on the animal, spurred it onward in the +direction of his own home. He had already reached the end of the street, +when his resolution seemed to change, and muttering to himself, "Ay, I +might as well arrange this very night for our departure!" he turned his +horse's head backward, and was once more at the tavern door. He threw +the bridle over an iron railing, and knocking with a peculiar sound at +the door, was soon admitted. + +Are ------ and ------- here?" asked he of the old woman, as he entered, +mentioning the cant words by which, among friends, Tomlinson and Pepper +were usually known. + +"They are both gone on the sharps to-night," replied the old lady, +lifting her unsnuffed candle to the face of the speaker with an +intelligent look; Oliver (the moon) is sleepy, and the lads will take +advantage of his nap." + +"Do you mean," answered Clifford, replying in the same key, which we take +the liberty to paraphrase, "that they are out on any actual expedition?" + +"To be sure," rejoined the dame. "They who lag late on the road may want +money for supper!" + +"Ha! which road?" + +"You are a pretty fellow for captain!" rejoined the dame, with a good- +natured sarcasm in her tone. "Why, Captain Gloak, poor fellow! knew +every turn of his men to a hair, and never needed to ask what they were +about. Ah, he was a fellow! none of your girl-faced mudgers, who make +love to ladies, forsooth,--a pretty woman need not look far for a kiss +when he was in the room, I warrant, however coarse her duds might be; and +lauk! but the captain was a sensible man, and liked a cow as well as a +calf." + +"So, so! on the road, are they?" cried Clifford, musingly, and without +heeding the insinuated attack on his decorum. "But answer me, what is +the plan? Be quick!" + +"Why," replied the dame, "there's some swell cove of a lord gives a blow- +out to-day; and the lads, dear souls! think to play the queer on some +straggler." + +Without uttering a word, Clifford darted from the house, and was +remounted before the old lady had time to recover her surprise. + +"If you want to see them," cried she, as he put spurs to his horse, "they +ordered me to have supper ready at------" The horse's hoofs drowned the +last words of the dame; and carefully rebolting the door, and muttering +an invidious comparison between Captain Clifford and Captain Gloak, the +good landlady returned to those culinary operations destined to rejoice +the hearts of Tomlinson and Pepper. + +Return we ourselves to Lucy. It so happened that the squire's carriage +was the last to arrive; for the coachman, long uninitiated among the +shades of Warlock into the dissipation of fashionable life, entered on +his debut at Bath, with all the vigorous heat of matured passions for the +first time released, into the festivities of the ale-house, and having a +milder master than most of his comrades, the fear of displeasure was less +strong in his aurigal bosom than the love of companionship; so that +during the time this gentleman was amusing himself, Lucy had ample +leisure for enjoying all the thousand-and-one reports of the scene +between Mauleverer and Clifford which regaled her ears. Nevertheless, +whatever might have been her feelings at these pleasing recitals, a +certain vague joy predominated over all. A man feels but slight +comparative happiness in being loved, if he know that it is in vain; but +to a woman that simple knowledge is sufficient to destroy the memory of a +thousand distresses, and it is not till she has told her heart again and +again that she is loved, that she will even begin to ask if it be in +vain. + +It was a partially starlight yet a dim and obscure night, for the moon +had for the last hour or two been surrounded by mist and cloud, when at +length the carriage arrived; and Mauleverer, for the second time that +evening playing the escort, conducted Lucy to the vehicle. Anxious to +learn if she had seen or been addressed by Clifford, the subtle earl, as +he led her to the gate, dwelt particularly on the intrusion of that +person, and by the trembling of the hand which rested on his arm, he drew +no delicious omen for his own hopes. "However," thought he, "the man +goes to-morrow, and then the field will be clear; the girl's a child yet, +and I forgive her folly." And with an air of chivalric veneration, +Mauleverer bowed the object of his pardon into her carriage. + +As soon as Lucy felt herself alone with her father, the emotions so long +pent within her forced themselves into vent, is and leaning back against +the carriage, she wept, though in silence, tears, burning tears, of +sorrow, comfort, agitation, anxiety. + +The good old squire was slow in perceiving his daughter's emotion; it +would have escaped him altogether, if, actuated by a kindly warming of +the heart towards her, originating in his new suspicion of her love for +Clifford, he had not put his arm round her neck; and this unexpected +caress so entirely unstrung her nerves that Lucy at once threw herself +upon her father's breast, and her weeping, hitherto so quiet, became +distinct and audible. + +"Be comforted, my dear, dear child!" said the squire, almost affected to +tears himself; and his emotion, arousing him from his usual mental +confusion, rendered his words less involved and equivocal than they were +wont to be. "And now I do hope that you won't vex yourself; the young +man is indeed--and, I do assure you, I always thought so--a very charming +gentleman, there's no denying it. But what can we do? You see what they +all say of him, and it really was--we must allow that--very improper in +him to come without being asked. Moreover, my dearest child, it is very +wrong, very wrong indeed, to love any one, and not know who he is; and-- +and--but don't cry, my dear love, don't cry so; all will be very well, I +am sure,--quite sure!" + +As he said this, the kind old man drew his daughter nearer him, and +feeling his hand hurt by something she wore unseen which pressed against +it, he inquired, with some suspicion that the love might have proceeded +to love-gifts, what it was. + +"It is my mother's picture," said Lucy, simply, and putting it aside. + +The old squire had loved his wife tenderly; and when Lucy made this +reply, all the fond and warm recollections of his youth rushed upon him. +He thought, too, how earnestly on her death-bed that wife had recommended +to his vigilant care their only child now weeping on his bosom: he +remembered how, dwelling on that which to all women seems the grand epoch +of life, she had said, "Never let her affections be trifled with,--never +be persuaded by your ambitious brother to make her marry where she loves +not, or to oppose her, without strong reason, where she does: though she +be but a child now, I know enough of her to feel convinced that if ever +she love, she will love too well for her own happiness, even with all +things in her favour." These words, these recollections, joined to the +remembrance of the cold-hearted scheme of William Brandon, which he had +allowed himself to favour, and of his own supineness towards Lucy's +growing love for Clifford, till resistance became at once necessary and +too late, all smote him with a remorseful sorrow, and fairly sobbing +himself, he said, "Thy mother, child! ah, would that she were living, she +would never have neglected thee as I have done!" + +The squire's self-reproach made Lucy's tears cease on the instant; and as +she covered her father's hands with kisses, she replied only by vehement +accusations against herself, and praises of his too great fatherly +fondness and affection. This little burst, on both sides, of honest and +simple-hearted love ended in a silence full of tender and mingled +thoughts; and as Lucy still clung to the breast of the old man, uncouth +as he was in temper, below even mediocrity in intellect, and altogether +the last person in age or mind or habit that seemed fit for a confidant +in the love of a young and enthusiastic girl, she felt the old homely +truth that under all disadvantages there are, in this hollow world, few +in whom trust can be so safely reposed, few who so delicately and +subtilely respect the confidence, as those from whom we spring. + +The father and daughter had been silent for some minutes, and the former +was about to speak, when the carriage suddenly stopped. The squire heard +a rough voice at the horses' heads; he looked forth from the window to +see, through the mist of the night, what could possibly be the matter, +and he encountered in this action, just one inch from his forehead, the +protruded and shining barrel of a horse-pistol. We may believe, without +a reflection on his courage, that Mr. Brandon threw himself back into his +carriage with all possible despatch; and at the same moment the door was +opened, and a voice said, not in a threatening but a smooth accent,-- + +"Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry to disturb you, but want is imperious; +oblige me with your money, your watches, your rings, and any other little +commodities of a similar nature!" + +So delicate a request the squire had not the heart to resist, the more +especially as he knew himself without any weapons of defence; accordingly +he drew out a purse, not very full, it must be owned,--together with an +immense silver hunting-watch, with a piece of black ribbon attached to +it. + +"There, sir," said he, with a groan, "don't frighten the young lady." + +The gentle applicant, who indeed was no other than the specious Augustus +Tomlinson, slid the purse into his waistcoat-pocket, after feeling its +contents with a rapid and scientific finger. + +"Your watch, sir," quoth he,--and as he spoke he thrust it carelessly +into his coat-pocket, as a school-boy would thrust a peg-top,--"is heavy; +but trusting to experience, since an accurate survey is denied me, I fear +it is more valuable from its weight than its workmanship: however, I will +not wound your vanity by affecting to be fastidious. But surely the +young lady, as you call her,--for I pay you the compliment of believing +your word as to her age, inasmuch as the night is too dark to allow me +the happiness of a personal inspection,--the young lady has surely some +little trinket she can dispense with. 'Beauty when unadorned,' you know, +etc." + +Lucy, who, though greatly frightened, lost neither her senses nor her +presence of mind, only answered by drawing forth a little silk purse, +that contained still less than the leathern convenience of the squire; to +this she added a gold chain; and Tomlinson, taking them with an +affectionate squeeze of the hand and a polite apology, was about to +withdraw, when his sagacious eyes were suddenly stricken by the gleam of +jewels. The fact was that in altering the position of her mother's +picture, which had been set in the few hereditary diamonds possessed by +the Lord of Warlock, Lucy had allowed it to hang on the outside of her +dress, and bending forward to give the robber her other possessions, the +diamonds at once came in full sight, and gleamed the more invitingly from +the darkness of the night. + +"Ah, madam," said Tomlinson, stretching forth his hand, you would play me +false, would you? Treachery should never go unpunished. Favour me +instantly with the little ornament round your neck!" + +"I cannot,--I cannot!" said Lucy, grasping her treasure with both her +hands; "it is my mother's picture, and my mother is dead!" + +"The wants of others, madam," returned Tomlinson, who could not for the +life of him rob immorally, "are ever more worthy your attention than +family prejudices. Seriously, give it, and that instantly; we are in a +hurry, and your horses are plunging like devils: they will break your +carriage in an instant,--despatch!" + +The squire was a brave man on the whole, though no hero; and the nerves +of an old fox-hunter soon recover from a little alarm. The picture of +his buried wife was yet more inestimable to him than it was to Lucy, and +at this new demand his spirit was roused within him. + +He clenched his fists, and advancing himself as it were on his seat, he +cried in a loud voice,-- + +"Begone, fellow! I have given you--for my own part I think so--too much +already; and, by God, you shall not have the picture!" + +"Don't force me to use violence," said Augustus; and putting one foot on +the carriage-step, he brought his pistol within a few inches of Lucy's +breast, rightly judging, perhaps, that the show of danger to her would be +the best method to intimidate the squire. At that instant the valorous +moralist found himself suddenly seized with a powerful gripe on the +shoulder; and a low voice, trembling with passion, hissed in his ear. +Whatever might be the words that startled his organs, they operated as an +instantaneous charm; and to their astonishment, the squire and Lucy +beheld their assailant abruptly withdraw. The door of the carriage was +clapped to, and scarcely two minutes had elapsed before, the robber +having remounted, his comrade, hitherto stationed at the horses' heads, +set spurs to his own steed, and the welcome sound of receding hoofs smote +upon the bewildered ears of the father and daughter. + +The door of the carriage was again opened; and a voice, which made Lucy +paler than the preceding terror, said,-- + +"I fear, Mr. Brandon, the robbers have frightened your daughter. There +is now, however, nothing to fear; the ruffians are gone." + +"God bless me!" said the squire; "why, is that Captain Clifford?" + +"It is; and he conceives himself too fortunate to have been of the +smallest service to Mr. and Miss Brandon." + +On having convinced himself that it was indeed to Mr. Clifford that he +owed his safety as well as that of his daughter, whom he believed to have +been in a far more imminent peril than she really was,--for to tell thee +the truth, reader, the pistol of Tomlinson was rather calculated for show +than use, having a peculiarly long bright barrel with nothing in it,--the +squire was utterly at a loss how to express his gratitude; and when he +turned to Lucy to beg she would herself thank their gallant deliverer, he +found that, overpowered with various emotions, she had, for the first +time in her life, fainted away. + +"Good heavens!" cried the alarmed father, "she is dead,--my Lucy, my +Lucy, they have killed her!" + +To open the door nearest to Lucy, to bear her from the carriage in his +arms, was to Clifford the work of an instant. Utterly unconscious of the +presence of any one else,--unconscious even of what he said, he poured +forth a thousand wild, passionate, yet half-audible expressions; and as +he bore her to a bank by the roadside, and seating himself supported her +against his bosom, it would be difficult perhaps to say, whether +something of delight--of burning and thrilling delight--was not mingled +with his anxiety and terror. He chafed her small hands in his own; his +breath, all trembling and warm, glowed upon her cheek; and once, and but +once, his lips drew nearer, and breathing aside the dishevelled richness +of her tresses, clung in a long and silent kiss to her own. + +Meanwhile, by the help of the footman, who had now somewhat recovered his +astonished senses, the squire descended from his carriage, and approached +with faltering steps the place where his daughter reclined. At the +instant that he took her hand, Lucy began to revive; and the first +action, in the bewildered unconsciousness of awaking, was to throw her +arm around the neck of her supporter. + +Could all the hours and realities of hope, joy, pleasure, in Clifford's +previous life have been melted down and concentrated into a single +emotion, that emotion would have been but tame to the rapture of Lucy's +momentary and innocent caress! And at a later yet no distant period, +when in the felon's cell the grim visage of Death scowled upon him, it +may be questioned whether his thoughts dwelt not far more often on the +remembrance of that delightful moment than on the bitterness and ignominy +of an approaching doom. + +"She breathes,--she moves,--she wakes!" cried the father; and Lucy, +attempting to rise, and recognizing the squire's voice, said faintly,-- + +"Thank God, my dear father, you are not hurt! And are they really gone? +--and where--where are we?" + +The squire, relieving Clifford of his charge, folded his child in his +arms, while in his own elucidatory manner he informed her where she was, +and with whom. The lovers stood face to face to each other; but what +delicious blushes did the night, which concealed all but the outline of +their forms, hide from the eyes of Clifford! + +The honest and kind heart of Mr. Brandon was glad of a release to the +indulgent sentiments it had always cherished towards the suspected and +maligned Clifford, and turning now from Lucy, it fairly poured itself +forth upon her deliverer. He grasped him warmly by the hand, and +insisted upon his accompanying them to Bath in the carriage, and allowing +the footman to ride his horse. This offer was still pending, when the +footman, who had been to see after the health and comfort of his fellow- +servant, came to inform the party, in a dolorous accent, of something +which, in the confusion and darkness of the night, they had not yet +learned,--namely, that the horses and coachman were gone! + +"Gone!" said the squire, "gone! Why, the villains can't (for my part, I +never believe, though I have heard such wonders of, those sleight of +hand) have bagged them!" + +Here a low groan was audible; and the footman, sympathetically guided to +the spot whence it emanated, found the huge body of the coachman safely +deposited, with its face downward, in the middle of the kennel. After +this worthy had been lifted to his legs, and had shaken himself into +intelligence, it was found that when the robber had detained the horses, +the coachman, who required very little to conquer his more bellicose +faculties, had--he himself said, by a violent blow from the ruffian, +though, perhaps, the cause lay nearer home--quitted the coach-box for the +kennel, the horses grew frightened, and after plunging and rearing till +he cared no longer to occupy himself with their arrest, the highwayman +had very quietly cut the traces, and by the time present, it was not +impossible that the horses were almost at the door of their stables at +Bath. + +The footman who had apprised the squire of this misfortune was, unlike +most news-tellers, the first to offer consolation. "There be an +excellent public," quoth he, "about a half a mile on, where your honour +could get horses; or, mayhap, if Miss Lucy, poor heart, be faint, you may +like to stop for the night." + +Though a walk of half a mile in a dark night and under other +circumstances would not have seemed a grateful proposition, yet at +present, when the squire's imagination had only pictured to him the +alternatives of passing the night in the carriage or of crawling on foot +to Bath, it seemed but a very insignificant hardship; and tucking his +daughter's arm under his own, while in a kind voice he told Clifford "to +support her on the other side," the squire ordered the footman to lead +the way with Clifford's horse, and the coachman to follow or be d---d, +whichever he pleased. + +In silence Clifford offered his arm to Lucy, and silently she accepted +the courtesy. The squire was the only talker; and the theme he chose was +not ungrateful to Lucy, for it was the praise of her lover. But Clifford +scarcely listened, for a thousand thoughts and feelings contested within +him; and the light touch of Lucy's hand upon his arm would alone have +been sufficient to distract and confuse his attention. The darkness of +the night, the late excitement, the stolen kiss that still glowed upon +his lips, the remembrance of Lucy's flattering agitation in the scene +with her at Lord Mauleverer's, the yet warmer one of that unconscious +embrace, which still tingled through every nerve of his frame, all +conspired with the delicious emotion which he now experienced at her +presence and her contact to intoxicate and inflame him. Oh, those +burning moments in love, when romance has just mellowed into passion, and +without losing anything of its luxurious vagueness mingles the enthusiasm +of its dreams with the ardent desires of reality and earth! That is the +exact time when love has reached its highest point,--when all feelings, +all thoughts, the whole soul, and the whole mind, are seized and +engrossed,--when every difficulty weighed in the opposite scale seems +lighter than dust,--when to renounce the object beloved is the most +deadly and lasting sacrifice,--and when in so many breasts, where honour, +conscience, virtue, are far stronger than we can believe them ever to +have been in a criminal like Clifford, honour, conscience, virtue, have +perished at once and suddenly into ashes before that mighty and +irresistible fire. + +The servant, who had had previous opportunities of ascertaining the +topography of the "public" of which he spake, and who was perhaps +tolerably reconciled to his late terror in the anticipation of renewing +his intimacy with "the spirits of the past," now directed the attention +of our travellers to a small inn just before them. Mine host had not yet +retired to repose, and it was not necessary to knock twice before the +door was opened. + +A bright fire, an officious landlady, a commiserate landlord, a warm +potation, and the promise of excellent beds, all appeared to our squire +to make ample amends for the intelligence that the inn was not licensed +to let post-horses; and mine host having promised forthwith to send two +stout fellows, a rope, and a cart-horse to bring the carriage under +shelter (for the squire valued the vehicle because it was twenty years +old), and moreover to have the harness repaired, and the horses ready by +an early hour the next day, the good humour of Mr. Brandon rose into +positive hilarity. Lucy retired under the auspices of the landlady to +bed; and the squire having drunk a bowl of bishop, and discovered a +thousand new virtues in Clifford, especially that of never interrupting a +good story, clapped the captain on the shoulder, and making him promise +not to leave the inn till he had seen him again, withdrew also to the +repose of his pillow. Clifford remained below, gazing abstractedly on +the fire for some time afterwards; nor was it till the drowsy chambermaid +had thrice informed him of the prepared comforts of his bed, that he +adjourned to his chamber. Even then it seems that sleep did not visit +his eyelids; for a wealthy grazier, who lay in the room below, complained +bitterly the next morning of some person walking overhead "in all manner +of strides, just for all the world like a happarition in boots." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + Viola. And dost thou love me? + Lysander. . . . Love thee, Viola? Do I not fly thee when my + being drinks Light from thine eyes?--that flight is all my answer! + + The Bride, Act ii. sc. 1. + +The curtain meditations of the squire had not been without the produce of +a resolve. His warm heart at once reopened to the liking he had formerly +conceived for Clifford; he longed for an opportunity to atone for his +past unkindness, and to testify his present gratitude; moreover, he felt +at once indignant at, and ashamed of, his late conduct in joining the +popular, and, as he now fully believed, the causeless prepossession +against his young friend, and before a more present and a stronger +sentiment his habitual deference for his brother's counsels faded easily +away. Coupled with these favourable feelings towards Clifford were his +sagacious suspicions, or rather certainty, of Lucy's attachment to her +handsome deliverer; and he had at least sufficient penetration to +perceive that she was not likely to love him the less for the night's +adventure. To all this was added the tender recollection of his wife's +parting words; and the tears and tell-tale agitation of Lucy in the +carriage were sufficient to his simple mind, which knew not how lightly +maiden's tears are shed and dried, to confirm the prediction of the dear +deceased. Nor were the squire's more generous and kindly feelings +utterly unmixed with selfish considerations. Proud, but not the least +ambitious, he was always more ready to confer an honour than receive one, +and at heart he was secretly glad at the notion of exchanging, as a son- +in-law, the polished and unfamiliar Mauleverer for the agreeable and +social Clifford. Such in "admired disorder," were the thoughts which +rolled through the teeming brain of Joseph Brandon; and before be had +turned on his left side, which he always did preparatory to surrendering +himself to slumber, the squire had fully come to a determination most +fatal to the schemes of the lawyer and the hopes of the earl. + +The next morning, as Lucy was knitting + + "The loose train of her amber-dropping hair" + +before the little mirror of her chamber, which even through its dimmed +and darkened glass gave back a face which might have shamed a Grecian +vision of Aurora, a gentle tap at her door announced her father. There +was in his rosy and comely countenance that expression generally +characteristic of a man pleased with himself, and persuaded that he is +about to give pleasure. + +"My dear child," said the squire, fondly stroking down the luxuriance of +his Lucy's hair, and kissing her damask cheek, "I am come to have some +little conversation with you. Sit down now, and (for my part, I love to +talk at my ease; and, by the by, shut the window, my love, it is an +easterly wind) I wish that we may come to a clear and distinct +understanding. Hem!--give me your hand, my child,--I think on these +matters one can scarcely speak too precisely and to the purpose; although +I am well aware (for, for my own part, I always wish to act to every one, +to you especially, my dearest child, with the greatest consideration) +that we must go to work with as much delicacy as conciseness. You know +this Captain Clifford,--'t is a brave youth, is it not? Well--nay, never +blush so deeply; there is nothing (for in these matters one can't have +all one's wishes, one can't have everything) to be ashamed of! Tell me +now, child, dost think he is in love with thee?" + +If Lucy did not immediately answer by words, her pretty lips moved as if +she could readily reply; and finally they settled into so sweet and so +assured a smile that the squire, fond as he was of "precise" information, +was in want of no fuller answer to his question. + +"Ay, ay, young lady," said he, looking at her with all a father's +affection, "I see how it is. And, come now, what do you turn away for? +Dost think, if, as I believe, though there are envious persons in the +world, as there always are when a man's handsome or clever or brave,-- +though, by the way, which is a very droll thing in my eyes, they don't +envy, at least not ill-naturedly, a man for being a lord or rich, but, +quite on the contrary, rank and money seem to make them think one has all +the cardinal virtues. Humph! If, I say, this Mr. Clifford should turn +out to be a gentleman of family,--for you know that is essential, since +the Brandons have, as my brother has probably told you, been a great race +many centuries ago,--dost think, my child, that thou couldst give up (the +cat is out of the bag) this old lord, and marry a simple gentleman?" + +The hand which the squire had held was now with an arch tenderness +applied to his mouth, and when he again seized it Lucy hid her glowing +face in his bosom; and it was only by a whisper, as if the very air was +garrulous, that he could draw forth (for now he insisted on a verbal +reply) her happy answer. + +We are not afraid that our reader will blame us for not detailing the +rest of the interview between the father and daughter: it did not last +above an hour longer; for the squire declared that, for his own part, he +hated more words than were necessary. Mr. Brandon was the first to +descend to the breakfast, muttering as he descended the stairs, "Well +now, hang me if I am not glad that's off (for I do not like to think much +of so silly a matter) my mind. And as for my brother, I sha' n't tell +him till it's all over and settled. And if he is angry, he and the old +lord may, though I don't mean to be unbrotherly, go to the devil +together!" + +When the three were assembled at the breakfast-table, there could not, +perhaps, have been found anywhere a stronger contrast than that which the +radiant face of Lucy bore to the haggard and worn expression that +disfigured the handsome features of her lover. So marked was the change +that one night seemed to have wrought upon Clifford, that even the squire +was startled and alarmed at it. But Lucy, whose innocent vanity pleased +itself with accounting for the alteration, consoled herself with the hope +of soon witnessing a very different expression on the countenance of her +lover; and though she was silent, and her happiness lay quiet and deep +within her, yet in her eyes and lip there was that which seemed to +Clifford an insult to his own misery, and stung him to the heart. +However, he exerted himself to meet the conversation of the squire, and +to mask as well as he was able the evidence of the conflict which still +raged within him. + +The morning was wet and gloomy; it was that drizzling and misty rain +which is so especially nutritious to the growth of blue devils, and the +jolly squire failed not to rally his young friend upon his feminine +susceptibility to the influences of the weather. Clifford replied +jestingly; and the jest, if bad, was good enough to content the railer. +In this facetious manner passed the time, till Lucy, at the request of +her father, left the room to prepare for their return home. + +Drawing his chair near to Clifford's, the squire then commenced in real +and affectionate earnest his operations--these he had already planned-- +in the following order: they were,first, to inquire into and to learn +Clifford's rank, family, and prospects; secondly, having ascertained the +proprieties of the outer man, they were to examine the state of the +inner one; and thirdly, should our skilful inquirer find his guesses at +Clifford's affection for Lucy confirmed, they were to expel the modest +fear of a repulse, which the squire allowed was natural enough, and to +lead the object of the inquiry to a knowledge of the happiness that, +Lucy consenting, might be in store for him. While, with his wonted +ingenuity, the squire was pursuing his benevolent designs, Lucy remained +in her own room, in such meditation and such dreams as were natural to a +heart so sanguine and enthusiastic. + +She had been more than half an hour alone, when the chambermaid of the +hostelry knocked at her door, and delivered a message from the squire, +begging her to come down to him in the parlour. With a heart that beat +so violently it almost seemed to wear away its very life, Lucy slowly and +with tremulous steps descended to the parlour. On opening the door she +saw Clifford standing in the recess of the window; his face was partly +turned from her, and his eyes downcast. The good old squire sat in an +elbow-chair, and a sort of puzzled and half-satisfied complacency gave +expression to his features. + +"Come hither, child," said he, clearing his throat; "Captain Clifford-- +ahem!--has done you the honour to--and I dare say you will be very much +surprised--not that, for my own part, I think there is much to wonder at +in it, but such may be my partial opinion (and it is certainly very +natural in me)--to make you a declaration of love. He declares, +moreover, that he is the most miserable of men, and that he would die +sooner than have the presumption to hope. Therefore you see, my love, I +have sent for you, to give him permission to destroy himself in any way +he pleases; and I leave him to show cause why (it is a fate that sooner +or later happens to all his fellowmen) sentence of death should not be +passed against him." Having delivered this speech with more propriety of +word than usually fell to his share, the squire rose hastily and hobbled +out of the room. + +Lucy sank into the chair her father had quitted; and Clifford, +approaching towards her, said in a hoarse and low voice,-- + +"Your father, Miss Brandon, says rightly, that I would die rather than +lift my eyes in hope to you. I thought yesterday that I had seen you for +the last time; chance, not my own folly or presumption, has brought me +again before you; and even the few hours I have passed under the same +roof with you have made me feel as if my love, my madness, had never +reached its height till now. Oh, Lucy!" continued Clifford, in a more +impassioned tone, and, as if by a sudden and irresistible impulse, +throwing himself at her feet, "if I could hope to merit you,--if I could +hope to raise myself,--if I could--But no, no, no! I am cut off from all +hope, and forever!" + +There was so deep, so bitter, so heartfelt an anguish and remorse in the +voice with which these last words were spoken, that Lucy, hurried off her +guard, and forgetting everything in wondering sympathy and compassion, +answered, extending her hand towards Clifford, who, still kneeling, +seized and covered it with kisses of fire,-- + +"Do not speak thus, Mr. Clifford; do not accuse yourself of what I am +sure, quite sure, you cannot deserve. Perhaps--forgive me--your birth, +your fortune, are beneath your merits, and you have penetrated into my +father's weakness on the former point; or perhaps you yourself have not +avoided all the errors into which men are hurried,--perhaps you have been +imprudent or thoughtless, perhaps you have (fashion is contagious) played +beyond your means or incurred debts: these are faults, it is true, and to +be regretted, yet surely not irreparable." + +For that instant can it be wondered that all Clifford's resolution and +self-denial deserted him, and lifting his eyes, radiant with joy and +gratitude, to the face which bent in benevolent innocence towards him, he +exclaimed,-- + +"No, Miss Brandon!--no, Lucy!--dear, angel Lucy! my faults are less +venial than these, but perhaps they are no less the consequence of +circumstances and contagion; perhaps it may not be too late to repair +them. Would you--you indeed deign to be my guardian, I might not despair +of being saved!" + +"If," said Lucy, blushing deeply and looking down, while she spoke quick +and eagerly, as if to avoid humbling him by her offer,--"if, Mr. +Clifford, the want of wealth has in any way occasioned you uneasiness or +--or error, do believe me--I mean _us_--so much your friends as not for +an instant to scruple in relieving us of some little portion of our last +night's debt to you." + +"Dear, noble girl!" said Clifford, while there writhed upon his lips one +of those smiles of powerful sarcasm that sometimes distorted his +features, and thrillingly impressed upon Lucy a resemblance to one very +different in reputation and character to her lover,--"do not attribute my +misfortunes to so petty a source; it is not money that I shall want while +I live, though I shall to my last breath remember this delicacy in you, +and compare it with certain base remembrances in my own mind. Yes! all +past thoughts and recollections will make me hereafter worship you even +more than I do now; while in your heart they will--unless Heaven grant me +one prayer--make you scorn and detest me!" + +"For mercy's sake, do not speak thus!" said Lucy, gazing in indistinct +alarm upon the dark and working features of her lover. "Scorn, detest +you! Impossible! How could I, after the remembrance of last night?" + +"Ay! of last night," said Clifford, speaking through his ground teeth,-- +"there is much in that remembrance to live long in both of us; but you-- +you--fair angel" (and all harshness and irony vanishing at once from his +voice and countenance, yielded to a tender and deep sadness, mingled with +a respect that bordered on reverence),--"you never could have dreamed of +more than pity for one like me,--you never could have stooped from your +high and dazzling purity to know for me one such thought as that which +burns at my heart for you,--you--Yes, withdraw your hand, I am not +worthy to touch it!" And clasping his own hands before his face, he +became abruptly silent; but his emotions were but ill-concealed, and Lucy +saw the muscular frame before her heaved and convulsed by passions which +were more intense and rending because it was only for a few moments that +they conquered his self-will and struggled into vent. + +If afterwards, but long afterwards, Lucy, recalling the mystery of his +words, confessed to herself that they betrayed guilt, she was then too +much affected to think of anything but her love and his emotion. She +bent down, and with a girlish and fond self-abandonment which none could +have resisted, placed both her hands on his. Clifford started, looked +up, and in the next moment he had clasped her to his heart; and while the +only tears he had shed since his career of crime fell fast and hot upon +her countenance, he kissed her forehead, her cheek, her lips in a +passionate and wild transport. His voice died within him,--he could not +trust himself to speak; only one thought, even in that seeming +forgetfulness of her and of himself, stirred and spoke at his breast,-- +flight. The more he felt he loved, the more tender and the more +confiding the object of his love, the more urgent became the necessity to +leave her. All other duties had been neglected, but he loved with a real +love; and love, which taught him one duty, bore him triumphantly through +its bitter ordeal. + +"You will hear from me to-night," he muttered; "believe that I am mad, +accursed, criminal, but not utterly a monster! I ask no more merciful +opinion!" He drew himself from his perilous position, and abruptly +departed. + +When Clifford reached his home, he found his worthy coadjutors waiting +for him with alarm and terror on their countenances. An old feat, in +which they had signalized themselves, had long attracted the rigid +attention of the police, and certain officers had now been seen at Bath, +and certain inquiries had been set on foot, which portended no good to +the safety of the sagacious Tomlinson and the valorous Pepper. They +came, humbly and penitentially demanding pardon for their unconscious +aggression of the squire's carriage, and entreating their captain's +instant advice. If Clifford had before wavered in his disinterested +determination,--if visions of Lucy, of happiness, and reform had floated +in his solitary ride too frequently and too glowingly before his eyes,-- +the sight of these men, their conversation, their danger, all sufficed to +restore his resolution. "Merciful God!" thought he, "and is it to the +comrade of such lawless villains, to a man, like them, exposed hourly to +the most ignominious of deaths, that I have for one section of a moment +dreamed of consigning the innocent and generous girl, whose trust or love +is the only crime that could deprive her of the most brilliant destiny?" + +Short were Clifford's instructions to his followers, and so much do we do +mechanically, that they were delivered with his usual forethought and +precision. "You will leave the town instantly; go not, for your lives, +to London, or to rejoin any of your comrades. Ride for the Red Cave; +provisions are stored there, and, since our late alteration of the +interior, it will afford ample room to conceal your horses. On the night +of the second day from this I will join you. But be sure that you enter +the cave at night, and quit it upon no account till I come!" + +"Yes!" said he, when he was alone, "I will join you again, but only to +quit you. One more offence against the law, or at least one sum wrested +from the swollen hands of the rich sufficient to equip me for a foreign +army, and I quit the country of my birth and my crimes. If I cannot +deserve Lucy Brandon, I will be somewhat less unworthy. Perhaps--why +not? I am young, my nerves are not weak, my brain is not dull,--perhaps +I may in some field of honourable adventure win a name that before my +death-bed I may not blush to acknowledge to her!" + +While this resolve beat high within Clifford's breast, Lucy sadly and in +silence was continuing with the squire her short journey to Bath. The +latter was very inquisitive to know why Clifford had gone, and what he +had avowed; and Lucy, scarcely able to answer, threw everything on the +promised letter of the night. + +"I am glad," muttered the squire to her, "that he is going to write; for, +somehow or other, though I questioned him very tightly, he slipped +through my cross-examination, and bursting out at once as to his love for +you, left me as wise about himself as I was before: no doubt (for my own +part I don't see what should prevent his being a great man incog.)this +letter will explain all!" + +Late that night the letter came. Lucy, fortunately for her, was alone in +her room; she opened it, and read as follows:-- + + + CLIFFORD'S LETTER. + + I have promised to write to you, and I sit down to perform that + promise. At this moment the recollection of your goodness, your + generous consideration, is warm within me: and while I must choose + calm and common words to express what I ought to say, my heart is + alternately melted and torn by thoughts which would ask words, oh + how different! Your father has questioned me often of my parentage + and birth,--I have hitherto eluded his interrogatories. Learn now + who I am. In a wretched abode, surrounded by the inhabitants of + poverty and vice, I recall my earliest recollections. My father is + unknown to me as to every one; my mother,--to you I dare not mention + who or what she was,--she died in my infancy. Without a name, but + not without an inheritance (my inheritance was large,--it was + infamy!), I was thrown upon the world. I had received by accident + some education, and imbibed some ideas not natural to my situation; + since then I have played many parts in life. Books and men I have + not so neglected but that I have gleaned at intervals some little + knowledge from both. Hence, if I have seemed to you better than I + am, you will perceive the cause. Circumstances made me soon my own + master; they made me also one whom honest men do not love to look + upon; my deeds have been, and my character is, of a par with my + birth and my fortunes. I came, in the noble hope to raise and + redeem myself by gilding my fate with a wealthy marriage, to this + city. I saw you, whom I had once before met. I heard you were + rich. Hate me, Miss Brandon, hate me!--I resolved to make your ruin + the cause of my redemption. Happily for you, I scarcely knew you + before I loved you; that love deepened,--it caught something pure + and elevated from yourself. My resolution forsook me; even now I + could throw myself on my knees and thank God that you--you, dearest + and noblest of human beings--are not my wife. Now, is my conduct + clear to you? If not, imagine me all that is villanous, save in one + point, where you are concerned, and not a shadow of mystery will + remain. Your kind father, overrating the paltry service I rendered + you, would have consented to submit my fate to your decision. I + blush indignantly for him--for you--that any living man should have + dreamed of such profanation for Miss Brandon. Yet I myself was + carried away and intoxicated by so sudden and so soft a hope,--even + I dared to lift my eyes to you, to press you to this guilty heart, + to forget myself, and to dream that you might be mine! Can you + forgive me for this madness? And hereafter, when in your lofty and + glittering sphere of wedded happiness, can you remember my + presumption and check your scorn? Perhaps you think that by so late + a confession I have already deceived you. Alas! you know not what + it costs me now to confess! I had only one hope in life,--it was + that you might still, long after you had ceased to see me, fancy me + not utterly beneath the herd with whom you live. This burning yet + selfish vanity I tear from me, and now I go where no hope can pursue + me. No hope for myself, save one which can scarcely deserve the + name, for it is rather a rude and visionary wish than an + expectation,--it is that under another name and under different + auspices you may hear of me at some distant time; and when I apprise + you that under that name you may recognize one who loves you better + than all created things, you may feel then, at least, no cause for + shame at your lover. What will you be then? A happy wife, a + mother, the centre of a thousand joys, beloved, admired, blest when + the eye sees you and the ear hears! And this is what I ought to + hope, this is the consolation that ought to cheer me; perhaps a + little time hence it will. Not that I shall love you less, but that + I shall love you less burningly, and therefore less selfishly. I + have now written to you all that it becomes you to receive from me. + My horse waits below to bear me from this city, and forever from + your vicinity. For ever!---ay, you are the only blessing forever + forbidden me. Wealth I may gain, a fair name, even glory I may + perhaps aspire to,--to heaven itself I may find a path; but of you + my very dreams cannot give me the shadow of a hope. I do not say, + if you could pierce my soul while I write, that you would pity me. + You may think it strange, but I would not have your pity for worlds; + I think I would even rather have your hate,--pity seems so much like + contempt. But if you knew what an effort has enabled me to tame + down my language, to curb my thoughts, to prevent me from embodying + that which now makes my brain whirl, and my hand feel as if the + living fire consumed it; if you knew what has enabled me to triumph + over the madness at my heart, and spare you what, if writ or spoken, + would seem like the ravings of insanity, you would not and you could + not despise me, though you might abhor. + + And now Heaven guard and bless you! Nothing on _earth_ could injure + you. And even the wicked who have looked upon you learn to pray,--I + have prayed for you! + + +Thus, abrupt and signatureless, ended the expected letter. Lucy came +down the next morning at her usual hour, and, except that she was very +pale, nothing in her appearance seemed to announce past grief or emotion. +The squire asked her if she had received the promised letter. She +answered, in a clear though faint voice, that she had,--that Mr. Clifford +had confessed himself of too low an origin to hope for marriage with Mr. +Brandon's family; that she trusted the squire would keep his secret; and +that the subject might never again be alluded to by either. If in this +speech there was something alien to Lucy's ingenuous character, and +painful to her mind, she felt it as it were a duty to her former lover +not to betray the whole of that confession so bitterly wrung from him. +Perhaps, too, there was in that letter a charm which seemed to her too +sacred to be revealed to any one; and mysteries were not excluded even +from a love so ill-placed and seemingly so transitory as hers. + +Lucy's answer touched the squire in his weak point. "A man of +decidedly low origin," he confessed, "was utterly out of the question; +nevertheless, the young man showed a great deal of candour in his +disclosure." He readily promised never to broach a subject necessarily +so unpleasant; and though he sighed as he finished his speech, yet the +extreme quiet of Lucy's manner reassured him; and when he perceived that +she resumed, though languidly, her wonted avocations, he felt but little +doubt of her soon overcoming the remembrance of what he hoped was but a +girlish and fleeting fancy. He yielded, with avidity, to her proposal to +return to Warlock; and in the same week as that in which Lucy had +received her lover's mysterious letter, the father and daughter commenced +their journey home. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + Butler. What are these, sir? + + Yeoman. And of what nature, to what use? + + Latroc. Imagine. + The Tragedy of Rollo. + + + Quickly. He's in Arthur's bosom, if ever man went + to Arthur's bosom. + Henry V. + +The stream of our narrative now conducts us back to William Brandon. The +law-promotions previously intended were completed; and to the surprise of +the public, the envied barrister, undergoing the degradation of +knighthood, had, at the time we return to him, just changed his toilsome +occupations for the serene dignity of the bench. Whatever regret this +wily and aspiring schemer might otherwise have felt at an elevation +considerably less distinguished than he might reasonably have expected, +was entirely removed by the hopes afforded to him of a speedy translation +to a more brilliant office: it was whispered among those not unlikely to +foresee such events, that the interest of the government required his +talents in the house of peers. Just at this moment, too, the fell +disease, whose ravages Brandon endeavoured, as jealously as possible, to +hide from the public, had appeared suddenly to yield to the skill of a +new physician; and by the administration of medicines which a man less +stern or resolute might have trembled to adopt (so powerful and for the +most part deadly was their nature), he passed from a state of almost +insufferable torture to an elysium of tranquillity and ease. Perhaps, +however, the medicines which altered also decayed his constitution; and +it was observable that in two cases where the physician had attained a +like success by the same means, the patients had died suddenly, exactly +at the time when their cure seemed to be finally completed. However, Sir +William Brandon appeared very little anticipative of danger. His manner +became more cheerful and even than it had ever been before; there was a +certain lightness in his gait, a certain exhilaration in his voice and +eye, which seemed the tokens of one from whom a heavy burden had been +suddenly raised, and who was no longer prevented from the eagerness of +hope by the engrossing claims of a bodily pain. He had always been bland +in society, but now his courtesy breathed less of artifice,--it took a +more hearty tone. Another alteration was discernible in him, and that +was precisely the reverse of what might have been expected. He became +more thrifty, more attentive to the expenses of life than he had been. +Though a despiser of show and ostentation, and far too hard to be +luxurious, he was too scientific an architect of the weaknesses of others +not to have maintained during his public career an opulent appearance and +a hospitable table. The profession he had adopted requires, perhaps, +less of externals to aid it than any other; still Brandon had affected to +preserve parliamentary as well as legal importance; and though his house +was situated in a quarter entirely professional, he had been accustomed +to assemble around his hospitable board all who were eminent, in his +political party, for rank or for talent. Now, however, when hospitality +and a certain largeness of expenses better became his station, he grew +closer and more exact in his economy. Brandon never could have +degenerated into a miser; money, to one so habitually wise as he was, +could never have passed from means into an object; but he had evidently, +for some cause or another, formed the resolution to save. Some said it +was the result of returning health, and the hope of a prolonged life, to +which many objects for which wealth is desirable might occur. But when +it was accidentally ascertained that Brandon had been making several +inquiries respecting a large estate in the neighbourhood of Warlock, +formerly in the possession of his family, the gossips (for Brandon was a +man to be gossiped about) were no longer in want of a motive, false or +real, for the judge's thrift. + +It was shortly after his elevation to the bench, and ere these signs of +change had become noticeable, that the same strange ragamuffin whom we +have mentioned before, as introduced by Mr. Swoppem to a private +conference with Brandon, was admitted to the judge's presence. + +"Well," said Brandon, impatiently, the moment the door was closed, "your +news?" + +"Vy, your 'onor," said the man, bashfully, twirling a thing that stood +proxy for a hat, "I thinks as 'ow I shall be hable to satisfy your +vorship's 'onor.'! Then, approaching the judge and assuming an important +air, he whispered, "'T is as 'ow I thought!" + +"My God!" cried Brandon, with vehemence. "And he is alive,--and where?" + +"I believes," answered the seemly confidant of Sir William Brandon, "that +he be's alive; and if he be's alive, may I flash my ivories in a glass +case, if I does not ferret him out; but as to saying vhere he be at this +nick o' the moment, smash me if I can!" + +"Is he in this country," said Brandon; "or do you believe that he has +gone abroad?" + +"Vy, much of one and not a little of the other!" said the euphonious +confidant. + +"How! speak plain, man; what do you mean?" + +"Vy, I means, your 'oner, that I can't say vhere he is." + +"And this," said Brandon, with a muttered oath,--"this is your boasted +news, is it? Dog! damned, damned dog! if you trifle with me or play me +false, I will hang you,--by the living God, I will!" + +The man shrank back involuntarily from Brandon's vindictive forehead and +kindled eyes; but with the cunning peculiar to low vice, answered, though +in a humbler tone,-- + +"And vet good vill that do your 'oner? If so be as how you scrags I, +will that put your vorship in the vay of finding _he_?" + +Never was there an obstacle in grammar through which a sturdy truth could +not break; and Brandon, after a moody pause, said in a milder voice,-- + +"I did not mean to frighten you! Never mind what I said; but you can +surely guess whereabouts he is, or what means of life he pursues. +Perhaps,"--and a momentary paleness crossed Brandon's swarthy visage,-- +"perhaps he may have been driven into dishonesty in order to maintain +himself!" + +The informant replied with great naivete that such a thing was not +impossible! And Brandon then entered into a series of seemingly careless +but artful cross-questionings, which either the ignorance or the craft of +the man enabled him to baffle. After some time Brandon, disappointed and +dissatisfied, gave up his professional task; and bestowing on the man +many sagacious and minute instructions as well as a very liberal +donation, he was forced to dismiss his mysterious visitor, and to content +himself with an assured assertion that if the object of his inquiries +should not already be gone to the devil, the strange gentleman employed +to discover him would certainly, sooner or later, bring him to the judge. + +This assertion, and the interview preceding it, certainly inspired Sir +William Brandon with a feeling like complacency, although it was mingled +with a considerable alloy. + +"I do not," thought he, concluding his meditations when he was left +alone,--"I do not see what else I can do! Since it appears that the boy +had not even a name when he set out alone from his wretched abode, I fear +that an advertisement would have but little chance of even designating, +much less of finding him, after so long an absence. Besides, it might +make me the prey to impostors; and in all probability he has either left +the country, or adopted some mode of living which would prevent his +daring to disclose himself!" This thought plunged the soliloquist into a +gloomy abstraction, which lasted several minutes, and from which he +started, muttering aloud,-- + +"Yes, yes! I dare to believe, to hope it. Now for the minister and the +peerage!" And from that time the root of Sir William Brandon's ambition +spread with a firmer and more extended grasp over his mind. + +We grieve very much that the course of our story should now oblige us to +record an event which we would willingly have spared ourselves the pain +of narrating. The good old Squire of Warlock Manor-house had scarcely +reached his home on his return from Bath, before William Brandon received +the following letter from his brother's gray-headed butler:-- + + HONNURED SUR,--I send this with all speede, thof with a hevy bart, + to axquainte you with the sudden (and it is feered by his loving + friends and well-wishers, which latter, to be sur, is all as knows + him) dangeros ilness of the Squire. He was seezed, poor deer + gentleman (for God never made a better, no offence to your Honnur), + the moment he set footing in his Own Hall, and what has hung rond me + like a millston ever sin, is that instead of his saying, "How do you + do, Sampson?" as was his wont, whenever he returned from forren + parts, sich as Bath, Lunnun, and the like, he said, "God bless you, + Sampson!" which makes me think sumhow that it will be his last + wurds; for he has never spoke sin, for all Miss Lucy be by his + bedside continual. She, poor deer, don't take on at all, in regard + of crying and such woman's wurk, but looks nevertheless, for all the + wurld, just like a copse. I sends Tom the postilion with this + hexpress, nowing he is a good hand at a gallop, having, not sixteen + years ago, beat some o' the best on 'un at a raceng. Hoping as yer + Honnur will lose no time in coming to this "house of mourning," I + remane, with all respect, + Your Honnur's humble servant to command, + JOHN SAMPSON. + + [The reader, who has doubtless noticed how invariably servants of + long standing acquire a certain tone from that of their master, may + observe that honest John Sampson had caught from the squire the + habit of parenthetical composition.] + +Sir William Brandon did not give himself time to re-read this letter, +in order to make it more intelligible, before he wrote to one of his +professional compeers, requesting him to fill his place during his +unavoidable absence, on the melancholy occasion of his brother's +expected death; and having so done, he immediately set off for Warlock. +Inexplicable even to himself was that feeling, so nearly approaching to +real sorrow, which the worldly lawyer felt at the prospect of losing his +guileless and unspeculating brother. Whether it be that turbulent and +ambitious minds, in choosing for their wavering affections the very +opposites of themselves, feel (on losing the fellowship of those calm, +fair characters that have never crossed their rugged path) as if they +lost, in losing them, a kind of haven for their own restless thoughts and +tempest-worn designs!--be this as it may, certain it is that when William +Brandon arrived at his brother's door, and was informed by the old +butler, who for the first time was slow to greet him, that the squire had +just breathed his last, his austere nature forsook him at once, and he +felt the shock with a severity perhaps still keener than that which a +more genial and affectionate heart would have experienced. + +As soon as he had recovered his self-possession, Sir William made +question of his niece; and finding that after an unrelaxing watch during +the whole of the squire's brief illness, nature had failed her at his +death, and she had been borne senseless from his chamber to her own, +Brandon walked with a step far different from his usual stately gait to +the room where his brother lay. It was one of the oldest apartments in +the house, and much of the ancient splendour that belonged to the mansion +ere its size had been reduced, with the fortunes of its successive +owners, still distinguished the chamber. The huge mantelpiece ascending +to the carved ceiling in grotesque pilasters, and scroll-work of the +blackest oak, with the quartered arms of Brandon and Saville escutcheoned +in the centre; the panelled walls of the same dark wainscot; the armorie +of ebony; the high-backed chairs, with their tapestried seats; the lofty +bed, with its hearse-like plumes and draperies of a crimson damask that +seemed, so massy was the substance and so prominent the flowers, as if it +were rather a carving than a silk,--all conspired with the size of the +room to give it a feudal solemnity, not perhaps suited to the rest of the +house, but well calculated to strike a gloomy awe into the breast of the +worldly and proud man who now entered the death-chamber of his brother. + +Silently William Brandon motioned away the attendants, and silently he +seated himself by the bed, and looked long and wistfully upon the calm +and placid face of the deceased. It is difficult to guess at what passed +within him during the space of time in which he remained alone in that +room. The apartment itself he could not at another period have tenanted +without secret emotion. It was that in which, as a boy, he had himself +been accustomed to sleep; and, even then a schemer and an aspirant, the +very sight of the room sufficed to call back all the hopes and visions, +the restless projects and the feverish desires, which had now brought him +to the envied state of an acknowledged celebrity and a shattered frame. +There must have been something awful in the combination of those active +remembrances with the cause which had led him to that apartment; and +there was a homily in the serene countenance of the dead, which preached +more effectually to the heart of the living than William Brandon would +ever have cared to own. He had been more than an hour in the room, and +the evening had already begun to cast deep shadows through the small +panes of the half-closed window, when Brandon was startled by a slight +noise. He looked up, and beheld Lucy opposite to him. She did not see +him; but throwing herself upon the bed, she took the cold hand of the +deceased, and after a long silence burst into a passion of tears. + +"My father!" she sobbed,--"my kind, good father! who will love me now?" + +"I!" said Brandon, deeply affected; and passing round the bed, he took +his niece in his arms: "I will be your father, Lucy, and you--the last of +our race--shall be to me as a daughter!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + Falsehood in him was not the useless lie + Of boasting pride or laughing vanity: + It was the gainful, the persuading art, etc. + + CRABBE. + + + On with the horses--off to Canterbury, + Tramp, tramp o'er pebble, and splash, splash thro' puddle; + Hurrah! how swiftly speeds the post so merry! + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + "Here laws are all inviolate: none lay + Traps for the traveller; every highway's clear; + Here--" he was interrupted by a knife, + With "D---your eyes! your money or your life!" + + Don Juan. + +Misfortunes are like the creations of Cadmus,--they destroy one another! +Roused from the torpor of mind occasioned by the loss of her lover at the +sudden illness of the squire, Lucy had no thought for herself, no thought +for any one, for anything but her father, till long after the earth had +closed over his remains. The very activity of the latter grief was less +dangerous than the quiet of the former; and when the first keenness of +sorrow passed away, and her mind gradually and mechanically returned to +the remembrance of Clifford, it was with an intensity less strong, and +less fatal to her health and happiness than before. She thought it +unnatural and criminal to allow anything else to grieve her, while she +had so sacred a grief as that of her loss; and her mind, once aroused +into resistance to passion, betrayed a native strength little to have +been expected from her apparent character. Sir William Brandon lost no +time in returning to town after the burial of his brother. He insisted +upon taking his niece with him; and, though with real reluctance, she +yielded to his wishes, and accompanied him. By the squire's will, +indeed, Sir William was appointed guardian to Lucy, and she yet wanted +more than a year of her majority. Brandon, with a delicacy very uncommon +to him where women (for he was a confirmed woman-hater) were concerned, +provided everything that he thought could in any way conduce to her +comfort. He ordered it to be understood in his establishment that she +was its mistress. He arranged and furnished, according to what he +imagined to be her taste, a suite of apartments for her sole +accommodation; a separate carriage and servants were appropriated to her +use; and he sought, by perpetual presents of books or flowers or music, +to occupy her thoughts, and atone for the solitude to which his +professional duties obliged him so constantly to consign her. These +attentions, which showed this strange man in a new light, seemed to bring +out many little latent amiabilities, which were usually imbedded in the +callosities of his rocky nature; and, even despite her causes for grief +and the deep melancholy which consumed her, Lucy was touched with +gratitude at kindness doubly soothing in one who, however urbane and +polished, was by no means addicted to the little attentions that are +considered so gratifying by women, and yet for which they so often +despise, while they like, him who affords them. There was much in +Brandon that wound itself insensibly around the heart. To one more +experienced than Lucy, this involuntary attraction might not have been +incompatible with suspicion, and could scarcely have been associated with +esteem; and yet for all who knew him intimately, even for the penetrating +and selfish Mauleverer, the attraction existed. Unprincipled, crafty, +hypocritical, even base when it suited his purpose; secretly sneering at +the dupes he made, and knowing no code save that of interest and +ambition; viewing men only as machines, and opinions only as ladders,-- +there was yet a tone of powerful feeling sometimes elicited from a heart +that could at the same moment have sacrificed a whole people to the +pettiest personal object: and sometimes with Lucy the eloquence or irony +of his conversation deepened into a melancholy, a half-suppressed +gentleness of sentiment, that accorded with the state of her own mind and +interested her kind feelings powerfully in his. It was these +peculiarities in his converse which made Lucy love to hear him; and she +gradually learned to anticipate with a gloomy pleasure the hour in which, +after the occupations of the day, he was accustomed to join her. + +"You look unwell, uncle, to-night," she said, when one evening he entered +the room with looks more fatigued than usual; and rising, she leaned +tenderly over him, and kissed his forehead. + +"Ay!" said Brandon, utterly unwon by, and even unheeding, the caress, +"our way of life soon passes into the sear and yellow leaf; and when +Macbeth grieved that he might not look to have that which should +accompany old age, he had grown doting, and grieved for what was +worthless." + +"Nay, uncle, 'honour, love, obedience, troops of friends,' these surely +were worth the sighing for?" + +"Pooh! not worth a single sigh! The foolish wishes we form in youth have +something noble and something bodily in them; but those of age are utter +shadows, and the shadows of pygmies! Why, what is honour, after all? +What is this good name among men? Only a sort of heathenish idol, set up +to be adored by one set of fools and scorned by another. Do you not +observe, Lucy, that the man you hear most praised by the party you meet +to-day is most abused by that which you meet to-morrow? Public men are +only praised by their party; and their party, sweet Lucy, are such base +minions that it moves one's spleen to think one is so little as to be +useful to them. Thus a good name is only the good name of a sect, and +the members of that sect are only marvellous proper knaves." + +"But posterity does justice to those who really deserve fame." + +"Posterity! Can you believe that a man who knows what life is cares for +the penny whistles of grown children after his death? Posterity, Lucy,-- +no! Posterity is but the same perpetuity of fools and rascals; and even +were justice desirable at their hands, they could not deal it. Do men +agree whether Charles Stuart was a liar or a martyr? For how many ages +have we believed Nero a monster! A writer now asks, as if demonstrating +a problem, what real historian could doubt that Nero was a paragon? The +patriarchs of Scripture have been declared by modern philosophy to be a +series of astronomical hieroglyphs; and, with greater show of truth, we +are assured that the patriot Tell never existed! Posterity! the word has +gulled men enough without my adding to the number. I, who loathe the +living, can scarcely venerate the unborn. Lucy, believe me that no man +can mix largely with men in political life, and not despise everything +that in youth he adored! Age leaves us only one feeling,--contempt!" + +"Are you belied, then?" said Lucy, pointing to a newspaper, the organ of +the party opposed to Brandon: "are you belied when you are here called +'ambitious'? When they call you 'selfish' and 'grasping,' I know they +wrong you; but I confess that I have thought you ambitious; yet can he +who despises men desire their good opinion?" + +"Their good opinion!" repeated Brandon, mockingly: "do we want the bray +of the asses we ride? No!" he resumed, after a pause. "It is power, not +honour; it is the hope of elevating oneself in every respect, in the +world without as well as in the world of one's own mind: it is this hope +which makes me labour where I might rest, and will continue the labour to +my grave. Lucy," continued Brandon, fixing his keen eyes on his niece, +"have you no ambition,--have power and pomp and place no charm for your +mind?" + +"None!" said Lucy, quietly and simply. + +"Indeed! yet there are times when I have thought I recognized my blood in +your veins. You are sprung from a once noble, but a fallen race. Are +you ever susceptible to the weakness of ancestral pride?" + +"You say," answered Lucy, "that we should care not for those who live +after us; much less, I imagine, should we care for those who have lived +ages before!" + +"Prettily answered," said Brandon, smiling. "I will tell you at one time +or another what effect that weakness you despise already once had, long +after your age, upon me. You are early wise on some points; profit by my +experience, and be so on all." + +"That is to say, in despising all men and all things!" said Lucy, also +smiling. + +"Well, never mind my creed,--you may be wise after your own; but trust +one, dearest Lucy, who loves you purely and disinterestedly, and who has +weighed with scales balanced to a hair all the advantages to be gleaned +from an earth in which I verily think the harvest was gathered before we +were put into it,--trust me, Lucy, and never think love, that maiden's +dream, so valuable as rank and power: pause well before you yield to the +former; accept the latter the moment they are offered you. Love puts you +at the feet of another, and that other a tyrant; rank puts others at your +feet, and all those thus subjected are your slaves!" + +Lucy moved her chair so that the new position concealed her face, and did +not answer; and Brandon, in an altered tone, continued,-- + +"Would you think, Lucy, that I once was fool enough to imagine that love +was a blessing, and to be eagerly sought for? I gave up my hopes, my +chances of wealth, of distinction,--all that had burned from the years of +boyhood into my very heart. I chose poverty, obscurity, humiliation; but +I chose also love. What was my reward? Lucy Brandon, I was deceived,-- +deceived!" + +Brandon paused; and Lucy took his hand affectionately, but did not break +the silence. Brandon resumed:-- + +"Yes, I was deceived! But I in my turn had a revenge, and a fitting +revenge; for it was not the revenge of hatred, but" (and the speaker +laughed sardonically) "of contempt. Enough of this, Lucy! What I wished +to say to you is this,--grown men and women know more of the truth of +things than ye young persons think for. Love is a mere bauble, and no +human being ever exchanged for it one solid advantage without repentance. +Believe this; and if rank ever puts itself under those pretty feet, be +sure not to spurn the footstool." + +So saying, with a slight laugh, Brandon lighted his chamber candle, and +left the room for the night. + +As soon as the lawyer reached his own apartment, he indited to Lord +Mauleverer the following epistle: + + "Why, dear Mauleverer, do you not come to town? I want you, your + party wants you; perhaps the K--g wants you; and certainly, if you + are serious about my niece, the care of your own love-suit should + induce you yourself to want to come hither. I have paved the way + for you; and I think, with a little management, you may anticipate a + speedy success. But Lucy is a strange girl; and, perhaps, after + all, though you ought to be on the spot, you had better leave her as + much as possible in my hands. I know human nature, Mauleverer, and + that knowledge is the engine by which I will work your triumph. As + for the young lover, I am not quite sure whether it be not better + for our sake that Lucy should have experienced a disappointment on + that score; for when a woman has once loved, and the love is utterly + hopeless, she puts all vague ideas of other lovers altogether out of + her head; she becomes contented with a husband whom she can esteem! + Sweet canter! But you, Mauleverer, want Lucy to love you! And so + she will--after you have married her! She will love you partly from + the advantages she derives from you, partly from familiarity (to say + nothing of your good qualities). For my part, I think domesticity + goes so far that I believe a woman always inclined to be + affectionate to a man whom she has once seen in his nightcap. + However, you should come to town; my poor brother's recent death + allows us to see no one,--the coast will be clear from rivals; grief + has softened my niece's heart; in a word, you could not have a + better opportunity. Come! + + "By the way, you say one of the reasons which made you think ill of + this Captain Clifford was your impression that in the figure of one + of his comrades you recognized something that appeared to you to + resemble one of the fellows who robbed you a few months ago. I + understand that at this moment the police are in active pursuit of + three most accomplished robbers; nor should I be at all surprised if + in this very Clifford were to be found the leader of the gang, + namely, the notorious Lovett. I hear that the said leader is a + clever and a handsome fellow, of a gentlemanlike address, and that + his general associates are two men of the exact stamp of the + worthies you have so amusingly described to me. I heard this + yesterday from Nabbem, the police-officer with whom I once scraped + acquaintance on a trial; and in my grudge against your rival, I + hinted at my suspicion that he, Captain Clifford, might not + impossibly prove this Rinaldo Rinaldini of the roads. Nabbem caught + at my hint at once; so that, if it be founded on a true guess, I may + flatter my conscience as well as my friendship by the hope that I + have had some hand in hanging this Adonis of my niece's. Whether my + guess be true or not, Nabbem says he is sure of this Lovett; for one + of his gang has promised to betray him. Hang these aspiring dogs! + I thought treachery was confined to politics; and that thought makes + me turn to public matters, in which all people are turning with the + most edifying celerity. . . ." + + +Sir William Brandon's epistle found Mauleverer in a fitting mood for Lucy +and for London. Our worthy peer had been not a little chagrined by +Lucy's sudden departure from Bath; and while in doubt whether or not to +follow her, the papers had informed him of the squire's death. +Mauleverer, being then fully aware of the impossibility of immediately +urging his suit, endeavoured, like the true philosopher he was, to +reconcile himself to his hope deferred. Few people were more easily +susceptible of consolation than Lord Mauleverer. He found an agreeable +lady, of a face more unfaded than her reputation, to whom he intrusted +the care of relieving his leisure moments from ennui; and being a lively +woman, the confidante discharged the trust with great satisfaction to +Lord Mauleverer, for the space of a fortnight, so that he naturally began +to feel his love for Lucy gradually wearing away, by absence and other +ties; but just as the triumph of time over passion was growing decisive, +the lady left Bath in company with a tall guardsman, and Mauleverer +received Brandon's letter. These two events recalled our excellent lover +to a sense of his allegiance; and there being now at Bath no particular +attraction to counterbalance the ardour of his affection, Lord Mauleverer +ordered the horses to his carriage, and attended only by his valet, set +out for London. + +Nothing, perhaps, could convey a better portrait of the world's spoiled +darling than a sight of Lord Mauleverer's thin, fastidious features, +peering forth through the closed window of his luxurious travelling- +chariot; the rest of the outer man being carefully enveloped in furs, +half-a-dozen novels strewing the seat of the carriage, and a lean French +dog, exceedingly like its master, sniffing in vain for the fresh air, +which, to the imagination of Mauleverer, was peopled with all sorts of +asthmas and catarrhs! Mauleverer got out of his carriage at Salisbury, +to stretch his limbs, and to amuse himself with a cutlet. Our nobleman +was well known on the roads; and as nobody could be more affable, he was +equally popular. The officious landlord bustled into the room, to wait +himself upon his lordship and to tell all the news of the place. + +"Well, Mr. Cheerly," said Mauleverer, bestowing a penetrating glance on +his cutlet, "the bad times, I see, have not ruined your cook." + +"Indeed, my lord, your lordship is very good, and the times, indeed, are +very bad,--very bad indeed. Is there enough gravy? Perhaps your +lordship will try the pickled onions?" + +"The what? Onions!--oh! ah! nothing can be better; but I never touch +them. So, are the roads good?" + +"Your lordship has, I hope, found them good to Salisbury?" + +"Ah! I believe so. Oh! to be sure, excellent to Salisbury. But how +are they to London? We have had wet weather lately, I think!" + +"No, my lord. Here the weather has been dry as a bone." + +"Or a cutlet!" muttered Mauleverer; and the host continued,-- + +"As for the roads themselves, my lord, so far as the roads are concerned, +they are pretty good, my lord; but I can't say as how there is not +something about them that might be mended." + +"By no means improbable! You mean the inns and the turnpikes?" rejoined +Mauleverer. + +"Your lordship is pleased to be facetious; no! I meant something worse +than them." + +"What! the cooks?" + +"No, my lord, the highwaymen!" + +"The highwaymen! indeed?" said Mauleverer, anxiously; for he had with him +a case of diamonds, which at that time were on grand occasions often the +ornaments of a gentleman's dress, in the shape of buttons, buckles, etc. +He had also a tolerably large sum of ready money about him,--a blessing +he had lately begun to find very rare. "By the way, the rascals robbed +me before on this very road. My pistols shall be loaded this time. Mr. +Cheerly, you had better order the horses; one may as well escape the +nightfall." + +"Certainly, my lord, certainly.--Jem, the horses immediately!--Your +lordship will have another cutlet?" + +"Not a morsel!" + +"A tart?" + +"A dev--! not for the world!" + +"Bring the cheese, John!" + +"Much obliged to you, Mr. Cheerly, but I have dined; and if I have not +done justice to your good cheer, thank yourself and the highwaymen. +Where do these highwaymen attack one?" + +"Why, my lord, the neighbourhood of Reading is, I believe, the worst +part; but they are very troublesome all the way to Salthill." + +"Damnation! the very neighbourhood in which the knaves robbed me before! +You may well call them troublesome! Why the deuce don't the police clear +the country of such a movable species of trouble?" + +"Indeed, my lord, I don't know; but they say as how Captain Lovett, the +famous robber, be one of the set; and nobody can catch him, I fear!" + +"Because, I suppose, the dog has the sense to bribe as well as bully. +What is the general number of these ruffians?" + +"Why, my lord, sometimes one, sometimes two, but seldom more than three." + +Mauleverer drew himself up. "My dear diamonds and my pretty purse!" +thought he; "I may save you yet!" + +"Have you been long plagued with the fellows?" he asked, after a pause, +as he was paying his bill. + +"Why, my lord, we have and we have not. I fancy as how they have a sort +of a haunt near Reading, for sometimes they are intolerable just about +there, and sometimes they are quiet for months together! For instance, +my lord, we thought them all gone some time ago; but lately they have +regularly stopped every one, though I hear as how they have cleared no +great booty as yet." + +Here the waiter announced the horses, and Mauleverer slowly re-entered +his carriage, among the bows and smiles of the charmed spirits of the +hostelry. + +During the daylight Mauleverer, who was naturally of a gallant and +fearless temper, thought no more of the highwaymen,--a species of danger +so common at that time that men almost considered it disgraceful to +suffer the dread of it to be a cause of delay on the road. Travellers +seldom deemed it best to lose time in order to save money; and they +carried with them a stout heart and a brace of pistols, instead of +sleeping all night on the road. Mauleverer, rather a _preux chevalier_, +was precisely of this order of wayfarers; and a night at an inn, when it +was possible to avoid it, was to him, as to most rich Englishmen, a +tedious torture zealously to be shunned. It never, therefore, entered +into the head of our excellent nobleman, despite his experience, that his +diamonds and his purse might be saved from all danger if he would consent +to deposit them, with his own person, at some place of hospitable +reception; nor, indeed, was it till he was within a stage of Reading, and +the twilight had entirely closed in, that he troubled his head much on +the matter. But while the horses were putting to, he summoned the +postboys to him; and after regarding their countenances with the eye +of a man accustomed to read physiognomies, he thus eloquently addressed +them,-- + +"Gentlemen, I am informed that there is some danger of being robbed +between this town and Salthill. Now, I beg to inform you that I think it +next to impossible for four horses, properly directed, to be stopped by +less than four men. To that number I shall probably yield; to a less +number I shall most assuredly give nothing but bullets. You understand +me?" + +The post-boys grinned, touched their hats; and Mauleverer slowly +continued,-- + +"If, therefore,--mark me!--one, two, or three men stop your horses, and I +find that the use of your whips and spurs are ineffectual in releasing +the animals from the hold of the robbers, I intend with these pistols-- +you observe them!---to shoot at the gentlemen who detain you; but as, +though I am generally a dead shot, my eyesight wavers a little in the +dark, I think it very possible that I may have the misfortune to shoot +you, gentlemen, instead of the robbers! You see the rascals will be +close by you, sufficiently so to put you in jeopardy, unless indeed you +knock them down with the but-end of your whips. I merely mention this, +that you may be prepared. Should such a mistake occur, you need not be +uneasy beforehand, for I will take every possible care of your widows; +should it not, and should we reach Salthill in safety, I intend to +testify my sense of the excellence of your driving by a present of ten +guineas apiece! Gentlemen, I have done with you. I give you my honour +that I am serious in what I have said to you. Do me the favour to +mount." + +Mauleverer then called his favourite servant, who sat in the dickey in +front (rumble-tumbles not being then in use). "Smoothson," said he, "the +last time we were attacked on this very road, you behaved damnably. See +that you do better this time, or it may be the worse for you. You have +pistols to-night about you, eh? Well, that's right! And you are sure +they're loaded? Very well! Now, then, if we are stopped, don't lose a +moment. Jump down, and fire one of your pistols at the first robber. +Keep the other for a sure aim. One shot is to intimidate, the second to +slay. You comprehend? My pistols are in excellent order, I suppose. +Lend me the ramrod. So, so! No trick this time!" + +"They would kill a fly, my lord, provided your lordship fired straight +upon it." + +"I do not doubt you," said Mauleverer; "light the lanterns, and tell the +postboys to drive on." + +It was a frosty and tolerably clear night. The dusk of the twilight had +melted away beneath the moon which had just risen, and the hoary rime +glittered from the bushes and the sward, breaking into a thousand +diamonds as it caught the rays of the stars. On went the horses briskly, +their breath steaming against the fresh air, and their hoofs sounding +cheerily on the hard ground. The rapid motion of the carriage, the +bracing coolness of the night, and the excitement occasioned by anxiety +and the forethought of danger, all conspired to stir the languid blood of +Lord Mauleverer into a vigorous and exhilarated sensation, natural in +youth to his character, but utterly contrary to the nature he had imbibed +from the customs of his manhood. + +He felt his pistols, and his hands trembled a little as he did so,--not +the least from fear, but from that restlessness and eagerness peculiar to +nervous persons placed in a new situation. + +"In this country," said he to himself, "I have been only once robbed in +the course of my life. It was then a little my fault; for before I took +to my pistols, I should have been certain they were loaded. To-night I +shall be sure to avoid a similar blunder; and my pistols have an +eloquence in their barrels which is exceedingly moving. Humph, another +milestone! These fellows drive well; but we are entering a pretty- +looking spot for Messieurs the disciples of Robin Hood!" + +It was, indeed, a picturesque spot by which the carriage was now rapidly +whirling. A few miles from Maidenhead, on the Henley Road, our readers +will probably remember a small tract of forest-like land, lying on either +side of the road. To the left the green waste bears away among the trees +and bushes; and one skilled in the country may pass from that spot, +through a landscape as little tenanted as green Sherwood was formerly, +into the chains of wild common and deep beech-woods which border a +certain portion of Oxfordshire, and contrast so beautifully the general +characteristics of that county. + +At the time we speak of, the country was even far wilder than it is now; +and just on that point where the Henley and the Reading roads unite was a +spot (communicating then with the waste land we have described), than +which, perhaps, few places could be more adapted to the purposes of such +true men as have recourse to the primary law of nature. Certain it was +that at this part of the road Mauleverer looked more anxiously from his +window than he had hitherto done, and apparently the increased +earnestness of his survey was not altogether without meeting its reward. + +About a hundred yards to the left, three dark objects were just +discernible in the shade; a moment more, and the objects emerging grew +into the forms of three men, well mounted, and riding at a brisk trot. + +"Only three!" thought Mauleverer, "that is well;" and leaning from the +front window with a pistol in either hand, Mauleverer cried out to the +postboys in a stern tone, "Drive on, and recollect what I told you!-- +Remember!" he added to his servant. The postboys scarcely looked round; +but their spurs were buried in their horses, and the animals flew on like +lightning. + +The three strangers made a halt, as if in conference; their decision was +prompt. Two wheeled round from their comrade, and darted at full gallop +by the carriage. Mauleverer's pistol was already protruded from the +front window, when to his astonishment, and to the utter baffling of his +ingenious admonition to his drivers, he beheld the two postboys knocked +from their horses one after the other with a celerity that scarcely +allowed him an exclamation; and before he had recovered his self- +possession, the horses taking fright (and their fright being skilfully +taken advantage of by the highwaymen), the carriage was fairly whirled +into a ditch on the right side of the road, and upset. Meanwhile +Smoothson had leaped from his station in the front; and having fired, +though without effect, at the third robber, who approached menacingly +towards him, he gained the time to open the carriage door and extricate +his master. + +The moment Mauleverer found himself on terra firma, he prepared his +courage for offensive measures; and he and Smoothson, standing side by +side in front of the unfortunate vehicle, presented no unformidable +aspect to the enemy. The two robbers who had so decisively rid +themselves of the postboys acted with no less determination towards the +horses. One of them dismounted, cut the traces, and suffered the +plunging quadrupeds to go whither they listed. This measure was not, +however, allowed to be taken with impunity; a ball from Mauleverer's +pistol passed through the hat of the highwayman with an aim so slightly +erring that it whizzed among the locks of the astounded hero with a sound +that sent a terror to his heart, no less from a love of his head than +from anxiety for his hair. The shock staggered him for a moment; and a +second shot from the hands of Mauleverer would have probably finished his +earthly career, had not the third robber, who had hitherto remained +almost inactive, thrown himself from his horse, which, tutored to such +docility, remained perfectly still, and advancing with a bold step and a +levelled pistol towards Mauleverer and his servant, said in a resolute +voice, "Gentlemen, it is useless to struggle; we are well armed, and +resolved on effecting our purpose. Your persons shall be safe if you lay +down your arms, and also such part of your property as you may +particularly wish to retain; but if you resist, I cannot answer for your +lives!" + +Mauleverer had listened patiently to this speech in order that he might +have more time for adjusting his aim. His reply was a bullet, which +grazed the side of the speaker and tore away the skin, without inflicting +any more dangerous wound. Muttering a curse upon the error of his aim, +and resolute to the last when his blood was once up, Mauleverer backed +one pace, drew his sword, and threw himself into the attitude of a +champion well skilled in the use of the instrument he wore. + +But that incomparable personage was in a fair way of ascertaining what +happiness in the world to come is reserved for a man who has spared no +pains to make himself comfortable in this. For the two first and most +active robbers having finished the achievement of the horses, now +approached Mauleverer; and the taller of them, still indignant at the +late peril to his hair, cried out in a stentorian voice,-- + +"By Jove! you old fool, if you don't throw down your toasting-fork, I'll +be the death of you!" + +The speaker suited the action to the word by cocking an immense pistol. +Mauleverer stood his ground; but Smoothson retreated, and stumbling +against the wheel of the carriage, fell backward; the next instant, the +second highwayman had possessed himself of the valet's pistols, and, +quietly seated on the fallen man's stomach, amused himself by inspecting +the contents of the domestic's pockets. Mauleverer was now alone; and +his stubbornness so enraged the tall bully that his hand was already on +his trigger, when the third robber, whose side Mauleverer's bullet had +grazed, thrust himself between the two. + +"Hold, Ned!" said he, pushing back his comrade's pistol. "And you, my +lord, whose rashness ought to cost you your life, learn that men can rob +generously." So saying, with one dexterous stroke from the robber's +riding-whip, Mauleverer's sword flew upwards, and alighted at the +distance of ten yards from its owner. + +"Approach now," said the victor to his comrades. "Rifle the carriage, +and with all despatch!" + +The tall highwayman hastened to execute this order; and the lesser one +having satisfactorily finished the inquisition into Mr. Smoothson's +pockets, drew forth from his own pouch a tolerably thick rope; with this +he tied the hands of the prostrate valet, moralizing as he wound the rope +round and round the wrists of the fallen man, in the following edifying +strain:-- + +"Lie still, sir,--lie still, I beseech you! All wise men are fatalists; +and no proverb is more pithy than that which says, 'What can't be cured +must be endured.' Lie still, I tell you! Little, perhaps, do you think +that you are performing one of the noblest functions of humanity; yes, +sir, you are filling the pockets of the destitute; and by my present +action I am securing you from any weakness of the flesh likely to impede +so praiseworthy an end, and so hazard the excellence of your action. +There, sir, your hands are tight,--lie still and reflect." + +As he said this, with three gentle applications of his feet, the moralist +rolled Mr. Smoothson into the ditch, and hastened to join his lengthy +comrade in his pleasing occupation. + +In the interim Mauleverer and the third robber (who, in the true spirit +of government, remained dignified and inactive while his followers +plundered what he certainly designed to share, if not to monopolize) +stood within a few feet of each other, face to face. + +Mauleverer had now convinced himself that all endeavour to save his +property was hopeless, and he had also the consolation of thinking he had +done his best to defend it. He therefore bade all his thoughts return to +the care of his person. He adjusted his fur collar around his neck with +great sang froid, drew on his gloves, and, patting his terrified poodle, +who sat shivering on its haunches with one paw raised and nervously +trembling, he said,-- + +"You, sir, seem to be a civil person, and I really should have felt quite +sorry if I had had the misfortune to wound you. You are not hurt, I +trust. Pray, if I may inquire, how am I to proceed? My carriage is in +the ditch, and my horses by this time are probably at the end of the +world." + +"As for that matter," said the robber, whose face, like those of his +comrades, was closely masked in the approved fashion of highwaymen of +that day, "I believe you will have to walk to Maidenhead,--it is not far, +and the night is fine!" + +"A very trifling hardship, indeed!" said Mauleverer, ironically; but his +new acquaintance made no reply, nor did he appear at all desirous of +entering into any further conversation with Mauleverer. + +The earl, therefore, after watching the operations of the other robbers +for some moments, turned on his heel, and remained humming an opera tune +with dignified indifference until the pair had finished rifling the +carriage, and seizing Mauleverer, proceeded to rifle him. + +With a curled lip and a raised brow, that supreme personage suffered +himself to be, as the taller robber expressed it, "cleaned out." His +watch, his rings, his purse, and his snuff-box, all went. It was long +since the rascals had captured such a booty. + +They had scarcely finished when the postboys, who had now begun to look +about them, uttered a simultaneous cry, and at some distance a wagon was +seen heavily approaching. Mauleverer really wanted his money, to say +nothing of his diamonds; and so soon as he perceived assistance at hand, +a new hope darted within him. His sword still lay on the ground; he +sprang towards it, seized it, uttered a shout for help, and threw himself +fiercely on the highwayman who had disarmed him; but the robber, warding +off the blade with his whip, retreated to his saddle, which he managed, +despite of Mauleverer's lunges, to regain with impunity. + +The other two had already mounted, and within a minute afterwards not a +vestige of the trio was visible. "This is what may fairly be called +single blessedness!" said Mauleverer, as, dropping his useless sword, he +thrust his hands into his pockets. + +Leaving our peerless peer to find his way to Maidenhead on foot, +accompanied (to say nothing of the poodle) by one wagoner, two postboys, +and the released Mr. Smoothson, all four charming him with their +condolences, we follow with our story the steps of the three _alieni +appetentes_. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + The rogues were very merry on their booty. They said a thousand + things that showed the wickedness of their morals.---Gil Bias. + + They fixed on a spot where they made a cave, which was large enough + to receive them and their horses. This cave was inclosed within a + sort of thicket of bushes and brambles. From this station they used + to issue, etc.---Memoirs of Richard Turpin. + +It was not for several minutes after their flight had commenced that any +conversation passed between the robbers. Their horses flew on like wind; +and the country through which they rode presented to their speed no other +obstacle than an occasional hedge, or a short cut through the thicknesses +of some leafless beechwood. The stars lent them a merry light, and the +spirits of two of them at least were fully in sympathy with the +exhilaration of the pace and the air. Perhaps, in the third, a certain +presentiment that the present adventure would end less merrily than it +had begun, conspired, with other causes of gloom, to check that +exaltation of the blood which generally follows a successful exploit. + +The path which the robbers took wound by the sides of long woods or +across large tracts of uncultivated land; nor did they encounter anything +living by the road, save now and then a solitary owl, wheeling its gray +body around the skirts of the bare woods, or occasionally troops of +conies, pursuing their sports and enjoying their midnight food in the +fields. + +"Heavens!" cried the tall robber, whose incognito we need no longer +preserve, and who, as our readers are doubtless aware, answered to the +name of Pepper,--"heavens!" cried he, looking upward at the starry skies +in a sort of ecstasy, "what a jolly life this is! Some fellows like +hunting; d---it! what hunting is like the road? If there be sport in +hunting down a nasty fox, how much more is there in hunting down a nice, +clean nobleman's carriage! If there be joy in getting a brush, how much +more is there in getting a purse! If it be pleasant to fly over a hedge +in the broad daylight, hang me if it be not ten times finer sport to skim +it by night,--here goes! Look how the hedges run away from us! and the +silly old moon dances about, as if the sight of us put the good lady in +spirits! Those old maids are always glad to have an eye upon such fine, +dashing young fellows." + +"Ay," cried the more erudite and sententious Augustus Tomlinson, roused +by success from his usual philosophical sobriety; "no work is so pleasant +as night-work, and the witches our ancestors burned were in the right to +ride out on their broomsticks with the awls and the stars. We are their +successors now, Ned. We are your true fly-by-nights!" + +"Only," quoth Ned, "we are a cursed deal more clever than they were; for +they played their game without being a bit the richer for it, and we--I +say, Tomlinson, where the devil did you put that red morocco case?" + +"Experience never enlightens the foolish," said Tomlinson, "or you would +have known, without asking, that I had put it in the very safest pocket +in my coat. 'Gad, how heavy it is! + +"Well," cried Pepper, "I can't say I wish it were lighter! Only think of +our robbing my lord twice, and on the same road too!" + +"I say, Lovett," exclaimed Tomlinson, "was it not odd that we should have +stumbled upon our Bath friend so unceremoniously? Lucky for us that we +are so strict in robbing in masks! He would not have thought the better +of Bath company if he had seen our faces." + +Lovett, or rather Clifford, had hitherto been silent. He now turned +slowly in his saddle, and said: "As it was, the poor devil was very +nearly despatched. Long Ned was making short work with him, if I had not +interposed!" + +"And why did you?" said Ned. + +"Because I will have no killing; it is the curse of the noble art of our +profession to have passionate professors like thee." + +"Passionate!" repeated Ned. "Well, I am a little choleric, I own it; +but that is not so great a fault on the road as it would be in +housebreaking. I don't know a thing that requires so much coolness and +self-possession as cleaning out a house from top to bottom,--quietly and +civilly, mind you!" + +"That is the reason, I suppose, then," said Augustus, "that you +altogether renounced that career. Your first adventure was house +breaking, I think I have heard you say. I confess it was a vulgar +debut,--not worthy of you!" + +"No! Harry Cook seduced me; but the specimen I saw that night disgusted +me of picking locks; it brings one in contact with such low companions. +Only think, there was a merchant, a rag-merchant, one of the party!" + +"Faugh!" said Tomlinson, in solemn disgust. + +"Ay, you may well turn up your lip; I never broke into a house again." + +"Who were your other companions?" asked Augustus. "Only Harry Cook, +--[A noted highwayman.]--and a very singular woman--" + +Here Ned's narrative was interrupted by a dark defile through a wood, +allowing room for only one horseman at a time. They continued this +gloomy path for several minutes, until at length it brought them to the +brink of a large dell, overgrown with bushes, and spreading around +somewhat in the form of a rude semicircle. Here the robbers dismounted, +and led their reeking horses down the descent. Long Ned, who went first, +paused at a cluster of bushes, which seemed so thick as to defy +intrusion, but which, yielding on either side to the experienced hand of +the robber, presented what appeared the mouth of a cavern. A few steps +along the passage of this gulf brought them to a door, which, even seen +by torchlight, would have appeared so exactly similar in colour and +material to the rude walls on either side as to have deceived any +unsuspecting eye, and which, in the customary darkness brooding over it, +might have remained for centuries undiscovered. Touching a secret latch, +the door opened, and the robbers were in the secure precincts of the "Red +Cave." It may be remembered that among the early studies of our +exemplary hero the memoirs of Richard Turpin had formed a conspicuous +portion; and it may also be remembered that in the miscellaneous +adventures of that gentleman nothing had more delighted the juvenile +imagination of the student than the description of the forest cave in +which the gallant Turpin had been accustomed to conceal himself, his +friend, his horse, + + "And that sweet saint who lay by Turpin's side;" + +or, to speak more domestically, the respectable Mrs. Turpin. So strong +a hold, indeed, had that early reminiscence fixed upon our hero's mind, +that no sooner had he risen to eminence among his friends than he had put +the project of his childhood into execution. He had selected for the +scene of his ingenuity an admirable spot. In a thinly peopled country, +surrounded by commons and woods, and yet, as Mr. Robins would say if he +had to dispose of it by auction, "within an easy ride" of populous and +well-frequented roads, it possessed all the advantages of secrecy for +itself and convenience for depredation. Very few of the gang, and those +only who had been employed in its construction, were made acquainted with +the secret of this cavern; and as our adventurers rarely visited it, and +only on occasions of urgent want or secure concealment, it had continued +for more than two years undiscovered and unsuspected. + +The cavern, originally hollowed by nature, owed but little to the +decorations of art; nevertheless, the roughness of the walls was +concealed by a rude but comfortable arras of matting; four or five of +such seats as the robbers themselves could construct were drawn around a +small but bright wood-fire, which, as there was no chimney, spread a thin +volume of smoke over the apartment. The height of the cave, added to the +universal reconciler (custom), prevented, however, this evil from being +seriously unpleasant; and, indeed, like the tenants of an Irish cabin, +perhaps the inmates attached a degree of comfort to a circumstance which +was coupled with their dearest household associations. A table, formed +of a board coarsely planed, and supported by four legs of irregular size, +made equal by the introduction of blocks or wedges between the legs and +the floor, stood warming its uncouth self by the fire. At one corner a +covered cart made a conspicuous article of furniture, no doubt useful +either in conveying plunder or provisions; beside the wheels were +carelessly thrown two or three coarse carpenter's tools, and the more +warlike utilities of a blunderbuss, a rifle, and two broadswords. In the +other corner was an open cupboard, containing rows of pewter platters, +mugs, etc. Opposite the fireplace, which was to the left of the +entrance, an excavation had been turned into a dormitory; and fronting +the entrance was a pair of broad, strong wooden steps, ascending to a +large hollow about eight feet from the ground. This was the entrance to +the stables; and as soon as their owners released the reins of the +horses, the docile animals proceeded one by one leisurely up the steps, +in the manner of quadrupeds educated at the public seminary of Astley's, +and disappeared within the aperture. + +These steps, when drawn up,--which, however, from their extreme +clumsiness, required the united strength of two ordinary men, and was not +that instantaneous work which it should have been,--made the place above +a tolerably strong hold; for the wall was perfectly perpendicular and +level, and it was only by placing his hands upon the ledge, and so +lifting himself gymnastically upward, that an active assailant could have +reached the eminence,--a work which defenders equally active, it may +easily be supposed, would not be likely to allow. + +This upper cave--for our robbers paid more attention to their horses than +themselves, as the nobler animals of the two species--was evidently +fitted up with some labour. The stalls were rudely divided, the litter +of dry fern was clean, troughs were filled with oats, and a large tub had +been supplied from a pond at a little distance. A cart-harness and some +old wagoners' frocks were fixed on pegs to the wall; while at the far end +of these singular stables was a door strongly barred, and only just large +enough to admit the body of a man. The confederates had made it an +express law never to enter their domain by this door, or to use it, +except for the purpose of escape, should the cave ever be attacked; in +which case, while one or two defended the entrance from the inner cave, +another might unbar the door, and as it opened upon the thickest part of +the wood, through which with great ingenuity a labyrinthine path had been +cut, not easily tracked by ignorant pursuers, these precautions of the +highwaymen had provided a fair hope of at least a temporary escape from +any invading enemies. + +Such were the domestic arrangements of the Red Cave; and it will be +conceded that at least some skill had been shown in the choice of the +spot, if there were a lack of taste in its adornments. + +While the horses were performing their nightly ascent, our three heroes, +after securing the door, made at once to the fire. And there, O reader! +they were greeted in welcome by one--an old and revered acquaintance of +thine--whom in such a scene it will equally astound and wound thee to +re-behold. + +Know, then--But first we will describe to thee the occupation and the +garb of the August personage to whom we allude. Bending over a large +gridiron, daintily bespread with steaks of the fatted rump, the +INDIVIDUAL stood, with his right arm bared above the elbow, and his right +hand grasping that mimic trident known unto gastronomers by the +monosyllable "fork." His wigless head was adorned with a cotton +nightcap. His upper vestment was discarded, and a whitish apron flowed +gracefully down his middle man. His stockings were ungartered, and +permitted between the knee and the calf interesting glances of the rude +carnal. One list shoe and one of leathern manufacture cased his ample +feet. Enterprise, or the noble glow of his present culinary profession, +spread a yet rosier blush over a countenance early tinged by generous +libations, and from beneath the curtain of his pallid eyelashes his large +and rotund orbs gleamed dazzlingly on the new comers. Such, O reader! +was the aspect and the occupation of the venerable man whom we have long +since taught thee to admire; such, alas for the mutabilities of earth! +was--A new chapter only can contain the name. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + Caliban. Hast thou not dropped from heaven? + Tempest. + +PETER MacGRAWLER! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + God bless our King and Parliament, + And send he may make such knaves repent! + Loyal Songs against the Rump Parliament. + + + Ho, treachery! my guards, my cimeter! + BYRON. + +When the irreverent Mr. Pepper had warmed his hands sufficiently to be +able to transfer them from the fire, he lifted the right palm, and with +an indecent jocularity of spirits, accosted the _ci-devant_ ornament of +"The Asinaeum" with a sounding slap on his back, or some such part of his +conformation. + +"Ah, old boy!" said he, "is this the way you keep house for us? A fire +not large enough to roast a nit, and a supper too small to fatten him +beforehand! But how the deuce should you know how to provender for +gentlemen? You thought you were in Scotland, I'll be bound!" + +"Perhaps he did when he looked upon you, Ned!" said Tomlinson, gravely; +"'t is but rarely out of Scotland that a man can see so big a rogue in so +little a compass!" + +Mr. MacGrawler, into whose eyes the palmistry of Long Ned had brought +tears of sincere feeling, and who had hitherto been rubbing the afflicted +part, now grumbled forth,-- + +"You may say what you please, Mr. Pepper, but it is not often in my +country that men of genius are seen performing the part of cook to +robbers!" + +"No!" quoth Tomlinson, "they are performing the more profitable part of +robbers to cooks, eh!" + +"Damme, you're out," cried Long Ned,--"for in that country there are +either no robbers, because there is nothing to rob; or the inhabitants +are all robbers, who have plundered one another, and made away with the +booty!" + +"May the de'il catch thee!" said MacGrawler, stung to the quick,--for, +like all Scots, he was a patriot; much on the same principle as a woman +who has the worst children makes the best mother. + +"The de'il," said Ned, mimicking the "silver sound," as Sir W. Scott had +been pleased facetiously to call the "mountain tongue" (the Scots in +general seem to think it is silver, they keep it so carefully) "the +de'il,--_MacDeil_, you mean, sure, the gentleman must have been a +Scotchman!" + +The sage grinned in spite; but remembering the patience of Epictetus when +a slave, and mindful also of the strong arm of Long Ned, he curbed his +temper, and turned the beefsteaks with his fork. + +"Well, Ned," said Augustus, throwing himself into a chair, which he drew +to the fire, while he gently patted the huge limbs of Mr. Pepper, as if +to admonish him that they were not so transparent as glass, "let us look +at the fire; and, by the by, it is your turn to see to the horses." + +"Plague on it!" cried Ned; "it is always my turn, I think. Holla, you +Scot of the pot! can't you prove that I groomed the beasts last? I'll +give you a crown to do it." + +The wise MacGrawler pricked up his ears. + +"A crown!" said he,--"a crown! Do you mean to insult me, Mr. Pepper? +But, to be sure, you did see to the horses last; and this worthy +gentleman, Mr. Tomlinson, must remember it too." + +"How!" cried Augustus; "you are mistaken, and I'll give you half a guinea +to prove it." + +MacGrawler opened his eyes larger and larger, even as you may see a small +circle in the water widen into enormity, if you disturb the equanimity of +the surface by the obtrusion of a foreign substance. + +"Half a guinea!" said he; "nay, nay, you joke. I'm not mercenary. You +think I am! Pooh, pooh! you are mistaken; I'm a man who means weel, a +man of veracity, and will speak the truth in spite of all the half- +guineas in the world. But certainly, now I begin to think of it, Mr. +Tomlinson did see to the creatures last; and, Mr. Pepper, it is your +turn." + +"A very Daniel!" said Tomlinson, chuckling in his usual dry manner. +"Ned, don't you hear the horses neigh?" + +"Oh, hang the horses!" said the volatile Pepper, forgetting everything +else, as he thrust his hands in his pockets, and felt the gains of the +night; "let us first look to our winnings!" + +So saying, he marched towards the table, and emptied his pockets thereon. +Tomlinson, nothing loath, followed the example. Heavens! what +exclamations of delight issued from the scoundrels' lips, as, one by one, +they inspected their new acquisitions! + +"Here's a magnificent creature!" cried Ned, handling that superb watch +studded with jewels which the poor earl had once before unavailingly +redeemed,--"a repeater, by Jove!" + +"I hope not," said the phlegmatic Augustus; "repeaters will not tell well +for your conversation, Ned! But, powers that be! look at this ring,--a +diamond of the first water!" + +"Oh, the sparkler! it makes one's mouth water as much as itself. +'Sdeath, here's a precious box for a sneezer,--a picture inside, and +rubies outside! The old fellow had excellent taste; it would charm him +to see how pleased we are with his choice of jewelry!" + +"Talking of jewelry," said Tomlinson, "I had almost forgotten the morocco +case. Between you and me, I imagine we have a prize there; it looks like +a jewel casket!" + +So saying, the robber opened that case which on many a gala day had lent +lustre to the polished person of Mauleverer. Oh, reader, the burst of +rapture that ensued! Imagine it! we cannot express it. Like the Grecian +painter, we drop a veil over emotions too deep for words. + +"But here," said Pepper, when they had almost exhausted their transports +at sight of the diamonds,--"here's a purse,--fifty guineas! And what's +this? Notes, by Jupiter! We must change them to-morrow before they are +stopped. Curse those fellows at the Bank! they are always imitating us, +we stop their money, and they don't lose a moment in stopping it too. +Three hundred pounds! Captain, what say you to our luck?" Clifford had +sat gloomily looking on during the operations of the robbers; he now, +assuming a correspondent cheerfulness of manner, made a suitable reply, +and after some general conversation the work of division took place. + +"We are the best arithmeticians in the world," said Augustus, as he +pouched his share; "addition, subtraction, division, reduction,--we have +them all as pat as 'The Tutor's Assistant;' and, what is better, we make +them all applicable to the _Rule of Three_." + +"You have left out multiplication!" said Clifford, smiling. "Ah! +because that works differently. The other rules apply to the specie-s of +the kingdom; but as for multiplication, we multiply, I fear, no species +but our own!" + +"Fie, gentlemen!" said MacGrawler, austerely,--for there is a wonderful +decorum in your true Scotsmen. "Actions are trifles; nothing can be +cleaner than their words!" + +"Oh, you thrust in your wisdom, do you?" said Ned. "I suppose you want +your part of the booty!" + +"Part!" said the subtilizing Tomlinson. "He has nine times as many parts +as we have already. Is he not a critic, and has he not the parts of +speech at his fingers' end?" + +"Nonsense!" said MacGrawler, instinctively holding up his hands, with the +fork dropping between the outstretched fingers of the right palm. + +"Nonsense yourself," cried Ned; "you have a share in what you never took! +A pretty fellow, truly! Mind your business, Mr. Scot, and fork nothing +but the beefsteaks!" + +With this Ned turned to the stables, and soon disappeared among the +horses; but Clifford, eying the disappointed and eager face of the +culinary sage, took ten guineas from his own share, and pushed them +towards his quondam tutor. + +"There!" said he, emphatically. + +"Nay, nay," grunted MacGrawler; "I don't want the money,--it is my way +to scorn such dross!" So saying, he pocketed the coins, and turned, +muttering to himself, to the renewal of his festive preparations. + +Meanwhile a whispered conversation took place between Augustus and the +captain, and continued till Ned returned. + +"And the night's viands smoked along the board!" + +Souls of Don Raphael and Ambrose Lamela, what a charming thing it is to +be a rogue for a little time! How merry men are when they have cheated +their brethren! Your innocent milksops never made so jolly a supper as +did our heroes of the way. Clifford, perhaps acted a part, but the +hilarity of his comrades was unfeigned. It was a delicious contrast,-- +the boisterous "ha, ha!" of Long Ned, and the secret, dry, calculating +chuckle of Augustus Tomlinson. It was Rabelais against Voltaire. They +united only in the objects of their jests, and foremost of those objects +(wisdom is ever the but of the frivolous!) was the great Peter +MacGrawler. + +The graceless dogs were especially merry upon the subject of the sage's +former occupation. + +"Come, Mac, you carve this ham," said Ned; "you have had practice in +cutting up." + +The learned man whose name was thus disrespectfully abbreviated proceeded +to perform what he was bid. He was about to sit down for that purpose, +when Tomlinson slyly subtracted his chair,--the sage fell. + +"No jests at MacGrawler," said the malicious Augustus; "whatever be his +faults as a critic, you see that he is well grounded, and he gets at once +to the bottom of a subject. Mac, suppose your next work be entitled a +Tail of Woe!" + +Men who have great minds are rarely flexible,--they do not take a jest +readily; so it was with MacGrawler. He rose in a violent rage; and had +the robbers been more penetrating than they condescended to be, they +might have noticed something dangerous in his eye. As it was, Clifford, +who had often before been the protector of his tutor, interposed in his +behalf, drew the sage a seat near to himself, and filled his plate for +him. It was interesting to see this deference from Power to Learning! +It was Alexander doing homage to Aristotle! + +"There is only one thing I regret," cried Ned, with his mouth full, +"about the old lord,--it was a thousand pities we did not make him dance! +I remember the day, Captain, when you would have insisted on it. What a +merry fellow you were once! Do you recollect, one bright moonlight +night, just like the present, for instance, when we were doing duty near +Staines, how you swore every person we stopped, above fifty years old, +should dance a minuet with you?" + +"Ay!" added Augustus, "and the first was a bishop in a white wig. Faith, +how stiffly his lordship jigged it! And how gravely Lovett bowed to him, +with his hat off, when it was all over, and returned him his watch and +ten guineas,--it was worth the sacrifice!" + +"And the next was an old maid of quality," said Ned, "as lean as a +lawyer. Don't you remember how she curvetted?" + +"To be sure," said Tomlinson; "and you very wittily called her a hop- +pole!" + +"How delighted she was with the captain's suavity! When he gave her back +her earrings and aigrette, she bade him with a tender sigh keep them for +her sake,--ha! ha!" + +"And the third was a beau!" cried Augustus; "and Lovett surrendered his +right of partnership to me. Do you recollect how I danced his beauship +into the ditch? Ah! we were mad fellows then; but we get sated-- +_blases_, as the French say--as we grow older!" + +"We look only to the main chance now," said Ned. "Avarice supersedes +enterprise," added the sententious Augustus. + +"And our captain takes to wine with an _h_ after the _w_!" continued the +metaphorical Ned. + +"Come, we are melancholy," said Tomlinson, tossing off a bumper. +"Methinks we are really growing old, we shall repent soon, and the next +step will be-hanging!" + +"'Fore Gad!" said Ned, helping himself, "don't be so croaking. There are +two classes of maligned gentry, who should always be particular to avoid +certain colours in dressing; I hate to see a true boy in black, or a +devil in blue. But here's my last glass to-night! I am confoundedly +sleepy, and we rise early to-morrow." + +"Right, Ned," said Tomlinson; "give us a song before you retire, and let +it be that one which Lovett composed the last time we were here." + +Ned, always pleased with an opportunity of displaying himself, cleared +his voice and complied. + + + A DITTY FROM SHERWOOD. + + I. + Laugh with us at the prince and the palace, + In the wild wood-life there is better cheer; + Would you board your mirth from your neighbour's malice, + Gather it up in our garners here. + Some kings their wealth from their subjects wring, + While by their foes they the poorer wax; + Free go the men of the wise wood-king, + And it is only our foes we tax. + Leave the cheats of trade to the shrewd gude-wife + Let the old be knaves at ease; + Away with the tide of that dashing life + Which is stirred by a constant breeze! + + II. + Laugh with us when you hear deceiving + And solemn rogues tell you what knaves we be + Commerce and law have a method of thieving + Worse than a stand at the outlaw's tree. + Say, will the maiden we love despise + Gallants at least to each other true? + I grant that we trample on legal ties, + But I have heard that Love scorns them too, + Courage, then,--courage, ye jolly boys, + Whom the fool with the knavish rates + Oh! who that is loved by the world enjoys + Half as much as the man it hates? + + +"Bravissimo, Ned!" cried Tomlinson, rapping the table; "bravissimo! Your +voice is superb to-night, and your song admirable. Really, Lovett, it +does your poetical genius great credit; quite philosophical, upon my +honour." + +"Bravissimo!" said MacGrawler, nodding his head awfully. "Mr. Pepper's +voice is as sweet as a bagpipe! Ah! such a song would have been +invaluable to 'The Asinaeum,' when I had the honour to--" + +"Be Vicar of _Bray_ to that establishment," interrupted Tomlinson. +"Pray, MacGrawler, why do they call Edinburgh the Modern Athens?" + +"Because of the learned and great men it produces," returned MacGrawler, +with conscious pride. + +"Pooh! pooh!--you are thinking of ancient Athens. Your city is called +the modern Athens because you are all so like the modern Athenians,--the +greatest scoundrels imaginable, unless travellers belie them." + +"Nay," interrupted Ned, who was softened by the applause of the critic, +"Mac is a good fellow, spare him. Gentlemen, your health. I am going to +bed, and I suppose you will not tarry long behind me." + +"Trust us for that," answered Tomlinson; "the captain and I will consult +on the business of the morrow, and join you in the twinkling of a +bedpost, as it has been shrewdly expressed." + +Ned yawned his last "good-night," and disappeared within the dormitory. +MacGrawler, yawning also, but with a graver yawn, as became his wisdom, +betook himself to the duty of removing the supper paraphernalia: after +bustling soberly about for some minutes, he let down a press-bed in the +corner of the cave (for he did not sleep in the robbers' apartment), and +undressing himself, soon appeared buried in the bosom of Morpheus. But +the chief and Tomlinson, drawing their seats nearer to the dying embers, +defied the slothful god, and entered with low tones into a close and +anxious commune. + +"So, then," said Augustus, "now that you have realized sufficient funds +for your purpose, you will really desert us? Have you well weighed the +pros and cons? Remember that nothing is so dangerous to our state as +reform; the moment a man grows honest, the gang forsake him; the +magistrate misses his fee; the informer peaches; and the recusant hangs." + +"I have well weighed all this," answered Clifford, "and have decided on +my course. I have only tarried till my means could assist my will. With +my share of our present and late booty, I shall betake myself to the +Continent. Prussia gives easy trust and ready promotion to all who will +enlist in her service. But this language, my dear friend, seems strange +from your lips. Surely you will join me in my separation from the corps? +What! you shake your head! Are you not the same Tomlinson who at Bath +agreed with me that we were in danger from the envy of our comrades, and +that retreat had become necessary to our safety? Nay, was not this your +main argument for our matrimonial expedition?" + +"Why, look you, dear Lovett," said Augustus, "we are all blocks of +matter, formed from the atoms of custom; in other words, we are a +mechanism, to which habit is the spring. What could I do in an honest +career? I am many years older than you. I have lived as a rogue till I +have no other nature than roguery. I doubt if I should not be a coward +were I to turn soldier. I am sure I should be the most consummate of +rascals were I to affect to be honest. No: I mistook myself when I +talked of separation. I must e'en jog on with my old comrades, and in my +old ways; till I jog into the noose hempen or--melancholy alternative!-- +the noose matrimonial." + +"This is mere folly," said Clifford, from whose nervous and masculine +mind habits were easily shaken. "We have not for so many years discarded +all the servile laws of others, to be the abject slaves of our own +weaknesses. Come, my dear fellow, rouse yourself. Heaven knows, were I +to succumb to the feebleness of my own heart, I should be lost indeed. +And perhaps, wrestle I ever so stoutly, I do not wrestle away that which +clings within me, and will kill me, though by inches. But let us not be +cravens, and suffer fate to drown us rather than swim. In a word, fly +with me ere it be too late. A smuggler's vessel waits me off the coast +of Dorset: in three days from this I sail. Be my companion. We can both +rein a fiery horse, and wield a good sword. As long as men make war one +against another, those accomplishments will prevent their owner from +starving, or--" + +"If employed in the field, not the road," interrupted Tomlinson, with a +smile,--"from hanging. But it cannot be! I wish you all joy, all +success in your career. You are young, bold, and able; and you always +had a loftier spirit than I have. Knave I am, and knave I must be to the +end of the chapter!" + +"As you will," said Clifford, who was not a man of many words, but he +spoke with reluctance: "if so, I must seek my fortune alone." + +"When do you leave us?" asked Tomlinson. + +"To-morrow, before noon. I shall visit London for a few hours, and then +start at once for the coast." + +"London!" exclaimed Tomlinson; "what, the very den of danger? Pooh! you +do not know what you say: or do you think it filial to caress Mother +Lobkins before you depart?" + +"Not that," answered Clifford. "I have already ascertained that she is +above the reach of all want; and her days, poor soul! cannot, I fear, be +many. In all probability she would scarcely recognize me; for her habits +cannot much have improved her memory. Would I could say as much for her +neighbours! Were I to be seen in the purlieus of low thievery, you know, +as well as I do, that some stealer of kerchiefs would turn informer +against the notorious Captain Lovett." + +"What, then, takes you to town? Ah! you turn away your face. I guess! +Well, Love has ruined many a hero before; may you not be the worse for +his godship!" + +Clifford did not answer, and the conversation made a sudden and long +pause; Tomlinson broke it. + +"Do you know, Lovett," said he, "though I have as little heart as most +men, yet I feel for you more than I could have thought it possible. +I would fain join you; there is devilish good tobacco in Germany, +I believe; and, after all, there is not so much difference between +the life of a thief and of a soldier." + +"Do profit by so sensible a remark," said Clifford. "Reflect! how +certain of destruction is the path you now tread; the gallows and the +hulks are the only goals!" + +"The prospects are not pleasing, I allow," said Tomlinson; "nor is it +desirable to be preserved for another century in the immortality of a +glass case in Surgeons' Hall, grinning from ear to ear, as if one had +made the merriest finale imaginable. Well! I will sleep on it, and you +shall have my answer tomorrow; but poor Ned?" + +"Would he not join us?" + +"Certainly not; his neck is made for a rope, and his mind for the Old +Bailey. There is no hope for him; yet he is an excellent fellow. We +must not even tell him of our meditated desertion." + +"By no means. I shall leave a letter to our London chief; it will +explain all. And now to bed. I look to your companionship as settled." + +"Humph!" said Augustus Tomlinson. + +So ended the conference of the robbers. About an hour after it had +ceased, and when no sound save the heavy breath of Long Ned broke the +stillness of the night, the intelligent countenance of Peter MacGrawler +slowly elevated itself from the lonely pillow on which it had reclined. + +By degrees the back of the sage stiffened into perpendicularity, and he +sat for a few moments erect on his seat of honour, apparently in +listening deliberation. Satisfied with the deep silence that, save the +solitary interruption we have specified, reigned around, the learned +disciple of Vatel rose gently from the bed, hurried on his clothes, stole +on tiptoe to the door, unbarred it with a noiseless hand, and vanished. +Sweet reader! while thou art wondering at his absence, suppose we account +for his appearance. + +One evening Clifford and his companion Augustus had been enjoying the +rational amusement at Ranelagh, and were just leaving that celebrated +place when they were arrested by a crowd at the entrance. That crowd was +assembled round a pickpocket; and that pickpocket--O virtue, O wisdom, +O Asinaeum!--was Peter MacGrawler! We have before said that Clifford was +possessed of a good mien and an imposing manner, and these advantages +were at that time especially effectual in preserving our Orbilius from +the pump. No sooner did Clifford recognize the magisterial face of the +sapient Scot, than he boldly thrust himself into the middle of the crowd, +and collaring the enterprising citizen who had collared MacGrawler, +declared himself ready to vouch for the honesty of the very respectable +person whose identity had evidently been so grossly mistaken. Augustus, +probably foreseeing some ingenious ruse, of his companion, instantly +seconded the defence. The mob, who never descry any difference between +impudence and truth, gave way; a constable came up, took part with the +friend of two gentlemen so unexceptionally dressed; our friends walked +off; the crowd repented of their precipitation, and by way of amends +ducked the gentleman whose pockets had been picked. It was in vain for +him to defend himself, for he had an impediment in his speech; and +Messieurs the mob, having ducked him once for his guilt, ducked him a +second time for his embarrassment. + +In the interim Clifford had withdrawn his quondam Mentor to the asylum of +a coffee-house; and while MacGrawler's soul expanded itself by wine, he +narrated the causes of his dilemma. It seems that that incomparable +journal "The Asinaeum," despite a series of most popular articles upon +the writings of "Aulus Prudentius," to which were added an exquisite +string of dialogues, written in a tone of broad humour, namely, broad +Scotch (with Scotchmen it is all the same thing), despite these +invaluable miscellanies, to say nothing of some glorious political +articles, in which it was clearly proved to the satisfaction of the rich, +that the less poor devils eat the better for their constitutions,-- +despite, we say, these great acquisitions to British literature, "The +Asinaeum" tottered, fell, buried its bookseller, and crushed its author. +MacGrawler only,--escaping, like Theodore from the enormous helmet of +Otranto,--MacGrawler only survived. "Love," says Sir Philip Sidney. +"makes a man see better than a pair of spectacles." Love of life has a +very different effect on the optics,--it makes a man wofully dim of +inspection, and sometimes causes him to see his own property in another +man's purse! This _deceptio visus_, did it impose upon Peter MacGrawler? +He went to Ranelagh. Reader, thou knowest the rest! + +Wine and the ingenuity of the robbers having extorted this narrative from +MacGrawler, the barriers of superfluous delicacy were easily done away +with. + +Our heroes offered to the sage an introduction to their club; the offer +was accepted; and MacGrawler, having been first made drunk, was next made +a robber. The gang engaged him in various little matters, in which we +grieve to relate that though his intentions were excellent, his success +was so ill as thoroughly to enrage his employers; nay, they were about at +one time, when they wanted to propitiate justice, to hand him over to the +secular power, when Clifford interposed in his behalf. From a robber the +sage dwindled into a drudge; menial offices (the robbers, the lying +rascals, declared that such offices were best fitted to the genius of his +country!) succeeded to noble exploits, and the worst of robbers became +the best of cooks. How vain is all wisdom but that of long experience! +Though Clifford was a sensible, and keen man, though he knew our sage to +be a knave, he never dreamed he could be a traitor. He thought him too +indolent to be malicious, and--short-sighted humanity!--too silly to be +dangerous. He trusted the sage with the secret of the cavern; and +Augustus, who was a bit of an epicure, submitted, though forebodingly, +to the choice, because of the Scotchman's skill in broiling. + +But MacGrawler, like Brutus, concealed a scheming heart under a stolid +guise. The apprehension of the noted Lovett had become a matter of +serious desire; the police was no longer to be bribed, nay, they were now +eager to bribe. MacGrawler had watched his time, sold his chief, and was +now on the road to Reading to meet and to guide to the cavern Mr. Nabbem +of Bow Street and four of his attendants. + +Having thus, as rapidly as we were able, traced the causes which brought +so startlingly before your notice the most incomparable of critics, we +now, reader, return to our robbers. + +"Hist, Lovett!" said Tomlinson, half asleep, "methought I heard something +in the outer cave." + +"It is the Scot, I suppose," answered Clifford: "you saw, of course, to +the door?" + +"To be sure!" muttered Tomlinson, and in two minutes more he was asleep. + +Not so Clifford: many and anxious thoughts kept him waking. At one +while, when he anticipated the opening to a new career, somewhat of the +stirring and high spirit which still moved amidst the guilty and confused +habits of his mind made his pulse feverish and his limbs restless; at +another time, an agonizing remembrance,--the remembrance of Lucy in all +her charms, her beauty, her love, her tender and innocent heart,--Lucy +all perfect, and lost to him forever,--banished every other reflection, +and only left him the sick sensation of despondency and despair. "What +avails my struggle for a better name?" he thought. "Whatever my future +lot, she can never share it. My punishment is fixed,--it is worse than a +death of shame; it is a life without hope! Every moment I feel, and +shall feel to the last, the pressure of a chain that may never be broken +or loosened! And yet, fool that I am! I cannot leave this country +without seeing her again, without telling her that I have really looked +my last. But have I not twice told her that? Strange fatality! But +twice have I spoken to her of love, and each time it was to tear myself +from her at the moment of my confession. And even now something that I +have no power to resist compels me to the same idle and weak indulgence. +Does destiny urge me? Ay, perhaps to my destruction! Every hour a +thousand deaths encompass me. I have now obtained all for which I seemed +to linger. I have won, by a new crime, enough to bear me to another +land, and to provide me there a soldier's destiny. I should not lose an +hour in flight, yet I rush into the nest of my enemies, only for one +unavailing word with her; and this, too, after I have already bade her +farewell! Is this fate? If it be so, what matters it? I no longer care +for a life which, after all, I should reform in vain if I could not +reform it for her; yet--yet, selfish and lost that I am! will it be +nothing to think hereafter that I have redeemed her from the disgrace of +having loved an outcast and a felon? If I can obtain honour, will it +not, in my own heart at least,--will it not reflect, however dimly and +distantly, upon her?" + +Such, bewildered, unsatisfactory, yet still steeped in the colours of +that true love which raises even the lowest, were the midnight +meditations of Clifford; they terminated, towards the morning, in an +uneasy and fitful slumber. From this he was awakened by a loud yawn from +the throat of Long Ned, who was always the earliest riser of his set. + +"Hullo!" said he, "it is almost daybreak; and if we want to cash our +notes and to move the old lord's jewels, we should already be on the +start." + +"A plague on you!" said Tomlinson, from under cover of his woollen +nightcap; "it was but this instant that I was dreaming you were going to +be hanged, and now you wake me in the pleasantest part of the dream!" + +"You be shot!" said Ned, turning one leg out of bed; "by the by, you took +more than your share last night, for you owed me three guineas for our +last game at cribbage! You'll please to pay me before we part to-day: +short accounts make long friends!" + +"However true that maxim may be," returned Tomlinson, "I know one much +truer,--namely, long friends will make short accounts! You must ask Jack +Ketch this day month if I'm wrong!" + +"That's what you call wit, I suppose!" retorted Ned, as he now, +struggling into his inexpressibles, felt his way into the outer cave. + +"What, ho, Mac!" cried he, as he went, "stir those bobbins of thine, +which thou art pleased to call legs; strike a light, and be d---d to +you!" + +"A light for you," said Tomlinson, profanely, as he reluctantly left his +couch, "will indeed be a 'light to lighten the Gentiles!'" + +"Why, Mac, Mac!" shouted Ned, "why don't you answer? faith, I think the +Scot's dead!" + +"Seize your men!--Yield, sirs!" cried a stern, sudden voice from the +gloom; and at that instant two dark lanterns were turned, and their light +streamed full upon the astounded forms of Tomlinson and his gaunt +comrade! In the dark shade of the background four or five forms were +also indistinctly visible; and the ray of the lanterns glimmered on the +blades of cutlasses and the barrels of weapons still less easily +resisted. + +Tomlinson was the first to recover his self-possession. The light just +gleamed upon the first step of the stairs leading to the stables, leaving +the rest in shadow. He made one stride to the place beside the cart, +where, we have said, lay some of the robbers' weapons; he had been +anticipated,--the weapons were gone. The next moment Tomlinson had +sprung up the steps. + +"Lovett! Lovett! Lovett!" shouted he. + +The captain, who had followed his comrades into the cavern, was already +in the grasp of two men. From few ordinary mortals, however, could any +two be selected as fearful odds against such a man as Clifford,--a man in +whom a much larger share of sinews and muscle than is usually the lot +even of the strong had been hardened, by perpetual exercise, into a +consistency and iron firmness which linked power and activity into a +union scarcely less remarkable than that immortalized in the glorious +beauty of the sculptured gladiator. His right hand is upon the throat of +one assailant; his left locks, as in a vice, the wrist of the other; you +have scarcely time to breathe! The former is on the ground, the pistol +of the latter is wrenched from his grip, Clifford is on the step; a ball +--another--whizzes by him; he is by the side of the faithful Augustus! + +"Open the secret door!" whispered Clifford to his friend; "I will draw up +the steps alone." + +Scarcely had he spoken, before the steps were already, but slowly, +ascending beneath the desperate strength of the robber. Meanwhile Ned +was struggling, as he best might, with two sturdy officers, who appeared +loath to use their weapons without an absolute necessity, and who +endeavoured, by main strength, to capture and detain their antagonist. + +"Look well to the door!" cried the voice of the principal officer, "and +hang out more light!" + +Two or three additional lanterns were speedily brought forward; and over +the whole interior of the cavern a dim but sufficient light now rapidly +circled, giving to the scene and to the combatants a picturesque and wild +appearance. + +The quick eye of the head-officer descried in an instant the rise of the +steps, and the advantage the robbers were thereby acquiring. He and two +of his men threw themselves forward, seized the ladder, if so it may be +called, dragged it once more to the ground, and ascended. But Clifford, +grasping with both hands the broken shaft of a cart that lay in reach, +received the foremost invader with a salute that sent him prostrate and +senseless back among his companions. The second shared the same fate; +and the stout leader of the enemy, who, like a true general, had kept +himself in the rear, paused now in the middle of the steps, dismayed +alike by the reception of his friends and the athletic form towering +above, with raised weapons and menacing attitude. Perhaps that moment +seemed to the judicious Mr. Nabbem more favourable to parley than to +conflict. He cleared his throat, and thus addressed the foe: + +"You, sir, Captain Lovett, alias Howard, alias Jackson, alias Cavendish, +alias Solomons, alias Devil,--for I knows you well, and could swear to +you with half an eye, in your clothes or without,--you lay down your club +there, and let me come alongside of you, and you'll find me as gentle as +a lamb; for I've been used to gemmen all my life, and I knows how to +treat 'em when I has 'em!" + +"But if I will not let you 'come alongside of me,' what then?" + +"Why, I must send one of these here pops through your skull, that's all!" + +"Nay, Mr. Nabbem, that would be too cruel! You surely would not harm one +who has such an esteem for you? Don't you remember the manner in which I +brought you off from Justice Burnflat, when you were accused, you know +whether justly or--" + +"You're a liar, Captain!" cried Nabbem, furiously, fearful that something +not meet for the ears of his companions should transpire. "You knows you +are! Come down, or let me mount; otherwise I won't be 'sponsible for the +consequences!" + +Clifford cast a look over his shoulder. A gleam of the gray daylight +already glimmered through a chink in the secret door, which Tomlinson had +now unbarred and was about to open. + +"Listen to me, Mr. Nabbem," said he, "and perhaps I may grant what you +require! What would you do with me if you had me?" + +"You speaks like a sensible man now," answered Nabbem; "and that's after +my own heart. Why, you sees, Captain, your time is come, and you can't +shilly-shally any longer. You have had your full swing; your years are +up, and you must die like a man! But I gives you my honour as a gemman, +that if you surrenders, I'll take you to the justice folks as tenderly as +if you were made of cotton." + +"Give way one moment," said Clifford, "that I may plant the steps firmer +for you." + +Nabbem retreated to the ground; and Clifford, who had, good-naturedly +enough, been unwilling unnecessarily to damage so valuable a functionary, +lost not the opportunity now afforded him. Down thundered the steps, +clattering heavily among the other officers, and falling like an +avalanche on the shoulder of one of the arresters of Long Ned. + +Meanwhile Clifford sprang after Tomlinson through the aperture, and found +himself--in the presence of four officers, conducted by the shrewd +MacGrawler. A blow from a bludgeon on the right cheek and temple of +Augustus felled that hero. But Clifford bounded over his comrade's body, +dodged from the stroke aimed at himself, caught the blow aimed by another +assailant in his open hand, wrested the bludgeon from the officer, struck +him to the ground with his own weapon, and darting onward through the +labyrinth of the wood, commenced his escape with a step too fleet to +allow the hope of a successful pursuit. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + + "In short, Isabella, I offer you myself!" + "Heavens!" cried Isabella, "what do I hear? You, my lord?" + Castle of Otranto. + +A novel is like a weatherglass,--where the man appears out at one time, +the woman at another. Variable as the atmosphere, the changes of our +story now re-present Lucy to the reader. + +That charming young person--who, it may be remarked, is (her father +excepted) the only unsophisticated and unsullied character in the pages +of a story in some measure designed to show, in the depravities of +character, the depravities of that social state wherein characters are +formed--was sitting alone in her apartment at the period in which we +return to her. As time, and that innate and insensible fund of healing, +which Nature has placed in the bosoms of the young in order that her +great law, the passing away of the old, may not leave too lasting and +keen a wound, had softened her first anguish at her father's death, the +remembrance of Clifford again resumed its ancient sway in her heart. The +loneliness of her life, the absence of amusement, even the sensitiveness +and languor which succeed to grief, conspired to invest the image of her +lover in a tenderer and more impressive guise. She recalled his words, +his actions, his letters, and employed herself whole hours, whole days +and nights, in endeavouring to decipher their mystery. Who that has been +loved will not acknowledge the singular and mighty force with which a +girl, innocent herself, clings to the belief of innocence in her lover? +In breasts young and unacquainted with the world, there is so pure a +credulity in the existence of unmixed good, so firm a reluctance to think +that where we love there can be that which we would not esteem, or where +we admire there can be that which we ought to blame, that one may almost +deem it an argument in favour of our natural power to attain a greater +eminence in virtue than the habits and arts of the existing world will +allow us to reach. Perhaps it is not paradoxical to say that we could +scarcely believe perfection in others, were not the germ of +perfectibility in our own minds! When a man has lived some years among +the actual contests of faction without imbibing the prejudice as well as +the experience, how wonderingly be smiles at his worship of former idols, +how different a colour does history wear to him, how cautious is he now +to praise, how slow to admire, how prone to cavil! Human nature has +become the human nature of art; and he estimates it not from what it +may be, but from what, in the corruptions of a semi-civilization, it is! +But in the same manner as the young student clings to the belief that the +sage or the minstrel, who has enlightened his reason or chained his +imagination, is in character as in genius elevated above the ordinary +herd, free from the passions, the frivolities, the little meannesses, +and the darkening vices which ordinary flesh is heir to, does a woman who +loves for the first time cling to the imagined excellence of him she +loves. When Evelina is so shocked at the idea of an occasional fit of +intoxication in her "noble, her unrivalled" lover, who does not +acknowledge how natural were her feelings? Had Evelina been married six +years, and the same lover, then her husband, been really guilty of what +she suspected, who does not feel that it would have been very unnatural +to have been shocked in the least at the occurrence? She would not have +loved him less, nor admired him less, nor would he have been less "the +noble and the unrivalled,"--he would have taken his glass too much, have +joked the next morning on the event, and the gentle Evelina would have +made him a cup of tea; but that which would have been a matter of +pleasantry in the husband would have been matter of damnation in a lover. +But to return to Lucy. + +If it be so hard, so repellent, to believe a lover guilty even of a +trivial error, we may readily suppose that Lucy never for a moment +admitted the supposition that Clifford had been really guilty of gross +error or wilful crime. True that expressions in his letter were more +than suspicious; but there is always a charm in the candour of self- +condemnation. As it is difficult to believe the excellence of those +who praise themselves, so it is difficult to fancy those criminal who +condemn. What, too, is the process of a woman's reasoning? Alas! she +is too credulous a physiognomist. The turn of a throat, with her, is the +unerring token of nobleness of mind; and no one can be guilty of a sin +who is blessed with a beautiful forehead! How fondly, how fanatically +Lucy loved! She had gathered together a precious and secret hoard,-- +a glove, a pen, a book, a withered rose-leaf,--treasures rendered +inestimable because he had touched them; but more than all, had she the +series of his letters,--from the first formal note written to her father, +meant for her, in which he answered an invitation, and requested Miss +Brandon's acceptance of the music she had wished to have, to the last +wild and, to her, inexplicable letter in which he had resigned her +forever. On these relics her eyes fed for hours; and as she pored over +them, and over thoughts too deep not only for tears but for all utterance +or conveyance, you might have almost literally watched the fading of her +rich cheek and the pining away of her rounded and elastic form. + +It was just in such a mood that she was buried when her uncle knocked at +her door for admittance. She hurried away her treasures, and hastened to +admit and greet him. + +"I have come," said he, smiling, "to beg the pleasure of your company for +an old friend who dines with us to-day. But, stay, Lucy, your hair is +ill-arranged. Do not let me disturb so important an occupation as your +toilette; dress yourself, my love, and join us." + +Lucy turned, with a suppressed sigh, to the glass. The uncle lingered +for a few moments, surveying her with mingled pride and doubt; he then +slowly left the chamber. + +Lucy soon afterwards descended to the drawing-room, and beheld with a +little surprise (for she had not had sufficient curiosity to inquire the +name of the guest), the slender form and comely features of Lord +Mauleverer. The earl approached with the same grace which had in his +earlier youth rendered him almost irresistible, but which now, from the +contrast of years with manner, contained a slight mixture of the comic. +He paid his compliments, and in paying them declared that he must leave +it to his friend, Sir William, to explain all the danger he had dared, +for the sake of satisfying himself that Miss Brandon was no less lovely +than when he had last beheld her. + +"Yes, indeed," said Brandon, with a scarcely perceptible sneer, "Lord +Mauleverer has literally endured the moving accidents of flood and +field,--for he was nearly exterminated by a highwayman, and all but +drowned in a ditch!" + +"Commend me to a friend for setting one off to the best advantage," said +Mauleverer, gayly. "Instead of attracting your sympathy, you see, +Brandon would expose me to your ridicule; judge for yourself whether I +deserve it!" and Mauleverer proceeded to give, with all the animation +which belonged to his character, the particulars of that adventure with +which the reader is so well acquainted. He did not, we may be sure, feel +any scruple in representing himself and his prowess in the most +favourable colours. + +The story was scarcely ended when dinner was announced. During that meal +Mauleverer exerted himself to be amiable with infinite address. Suiting +his conversation, more than he had hitherto deigned to do, to the temper +of Lucy, and more anxious to soften than to dazzle, he certainly never +before appeared to her so attractive. We are bound to add that the point +of attraction did not reach beyond the confession that he was a very +agreeable old man. + +Perhaps, if there had not been a certain half-melancholy vein in his +conversation, possibly less uncongenial to his lordship from the +remembrance of his lost diamonds, and the impression that Sir William +Brandon's cook was considerably worse than his own, he might not have +been so successful in pleasing Lucy. As for himself, all the previous +impressions she had made on him returned in colours yet more vivid; even +the delicate and subdued cast of beauty which had succeeded to her +earlier brilliancy, was far more charming to his fastidious and courtly +taste than her former glow of spirits and health. He felt himself very +much in love during dinner; and after it was over, and Lucy had retired, +he told Brandon, with a passionate air, that he adored his niece to +distraction! + +The wily judge affected to receive the intimation with indifference; but +knowing that too long an absence is injurious to a grande passion, he did +not keep Mauleverer very late over his wine. + +The earl returned rapturously to the drawing-room, and besought Lucy, in +a voice in which affectation seemed swooning with delight, to indulge him +with a song. More and more enchanted by her assent, he drew the music- +stool to the harpsichord, placed a chair beside her, and presently +appeared lost in transport. Meanwhile Brandon, with his back to the +pair, covered his face with his handkerchief, and to all appearance +yielded to the voluptuousness of an after-dinner repose. + +Lucy's song-book opened accidentally at a song which had been praised by +Clifford; and as she sang, her voice took a richer and more tender tone +than in Mauleverer's presence it had ever before assumed. + + THE COMPLAINT OF THE VIOLETS WHICH LOSE THEIR SCENT IN MAY. + + In the shadow that falls from the silent hill + We slept, in our green retreats + And the April showers were wont to fill + Our hearts with sweets. + + And though we lay in a lowly bower, + Yet all things loved us well, + And the waking bee left her fairest flower, + With us to dwell. + + But the warm May came in his pride to woo + The wealth of our honeyed store; + And our hearts just felt his breath, and knew + Their sweets no more! + + And the summer reigns on the quiet spot + Where we dwell, and its suns and showers + Bring balm to our sisters' hearts, but not-- + Ah! not to ours. + + + We live, we bloom, but forever o'er + Is the charm of the earth and sky; + To our life, ye heavens, that balm restore, + Or--bid us die! + +As with eyes suffused with many recollections, and a voice which melted +away in an indescribable and thrilling pathos, Lucy ceased her song, +Mauleverer, charmed out of himself, gently took her hand, and holding the +soft treasure in his own, scarcely less soft, he murmured,-- + +"Angel, sing on! Life would be like your own music, if I could breathe +it away at your feet!" + +There had been a time when Lucy would have laughed outright at this +declaration; and even as it was, a suppressed and half-arch smile played +in the dimples of her beautiful mouth, and bewitchingly contrasted the +swimming softness of her eyes. + +Drawing rather an erroneous omen from the smile, Mauleverer rapturously +continued, still detaining the hand which Lucy endeavoured to +extricate,-- + +"Yes, enchanting Miss Brandon! I, who have for so many years boasted of +my invulnerable heart, am subdued at last. I have long, very long, +struggled against my attachment to you. Alas! it is in vain; and you +behold me now utterly at your mercy. Make me the most miserable of men +or the most enviable. Enchantress, speak!" + +"Really, my lord," said Lucy, hesitating, yet rising, and freeing herself +from his hand, "I feel it difficult to suppose you serious; and perhaps +this is merely a gallantry to me by way of practice on others." + +"Sweet Lucy, if I may so call you," answered Mauleverer, with an ardent +gaze, "do not, I implore you, even for a moment, affect to mistake me! +Do not for a moment jest at what, to me, is the bane or bliss of life! +Dare I hope that my hand and heart, which I now offer you, are not +deserving of your derision?" + +Lucy gazed on her adorer with a look of serious inquiry; Brandon still +appeared to sleep. + +"If you are in earnest, my lord," said Lucy, after a pause, "I am truly +and deeply sorry. For the friend of my uncle I shall always have esteem; +believe that I am truly sensible of the honour you render me, when I add +my regret that I can have no other sentiment than esteem." + +A blank and puzzled bewilderment for a moment clouded the expressive +features of Mauleverer; it passed away. "How sweet is your rebuke!" said +he. "Yes; I do not yet deserve any other sentiment than esteem. You are +not to be won precipitately; a long trial, a long course of attentions, +a long knowledge of my devoted and ardent love, alone will entitle me to +hope for a warmer feeling in your breast. Fix then your own time of +courtship, angelic Lucy!---a week, nay, a month! Till then, I will not +even press you to appoint that day which to me will be the whitest of my +life!" + +"My lord!" said Lucy, smiling now no longer half archly, "you must pardon +me for believing your proposal can be nothing but a jest; but here, I +beseech you, let it rest forever. Do not mention this subject to me +again." + +"By heavens!" cried Mauleverer, "this is too cruel. Brandon, +intercede with me for your niece." + +Sir William started, naturally enough, from his slumber, and Mauleverer +continued, + +"Yes, intercede for me; you, my oldest friend, be my greatest benefactor! +I sue to your niece; she affects to disbelieve. Will you convince her of +my truth, my devotion, my worship?" + +"Disbelieve you!" said the bland judge, with the same secret sneer that +usually lurked in the corners of his mouth. "I do not wonder that she is +slow to credit the honour you have done her, and for which the noblest +damsels in England have sighed in vain. Lucy, will you be cruel to Lord +Mauleverer? Believe me, he has often confided to me his love for you; +and if the experience of some years avails, there is not a question of +his honour and his truth. I leave his fate in your hands." + +Brandon turned to the door. + +"Stay, dear sir," said Lucy, "and instead of interceding for Lord +Mauleverer, intercede for me." Her look now settled into a calm and +decided seriousness of expression. "I feel highly flattered by his +lordship's proposal, which, as you say, I might well doubt to be gravely +meant. I wish him all happiness with a lady of higher deserts; but I +speak from an unalterable determination, when I say that I can never +accept the dignity with which he would invest me." + +So saying, Lucy walked quickly to the door and vanished, leaving the two +friends to comment as they would upon her conduct. + +"You have spoiled all with your precipitation," said the uncle. + +"Precipitation! d---n it, what would you have? I have been fifty years +making up my mind to marry; and now when I have not a day to lose, you +talk of precipitation!" answered the lover, throwing himself into an +easy-chair. + +"But you have not been fifty years making up your mind to marry my +niece," said Brandon, dryly. + +"To be refused, positively refused, by a country girl!" continued +Mauleverer, soliloquizing aloud; "and that too at my age and with all my +experience!--a country girl without rank, _ton_, accomplishments! By +heavens! I don't care if all the world heard it,--for not a soul in the +world will ever believe it." + +Brandon sat speechless, eying the mortified face of the courtier with a +malicious complacency, and there was a pause of several minutes. Sir +William then, mastering the strange feeling which made him always rejoice +in whatever threw ridicule on his friend, approached, laid his hand +kindly on Mauleverer's shoulder, and talked to him of comfort and of +encouragement. The reader will believe that Mauleverer was not a man +whom it was impossible to encourage. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + + Before he came, everything loved me, and I had more things to love + than I could reckon by the hairs of my head. Now I feel I can love + but one, and that one has deserted me. . . . Well, be it so,-- + let her perish, let her be anything but mine!--Melmoth. + +Early the next morning Sir William Brandon was closeted for a long time +with his niece, previous to his departure to the duties of his office. +Anxious and alarmed for the success of one of the darling projects of his +ambition, he spared no art in his conversation with Lucy, that his great +ingenuity of eloquence and wonderful insight into human nature could +suggest, in order to gain at least a foundation for the raising of his +scheme. Among other resources of his worldly tact, he hinted at Lucy's +love for Clifford; and (though darkly and subtly, as befitting the purity +of the one he addressed) this abandoned and wily person did not scruple +to hint also at the possibility of indulging that love _after_ marriage; +though he denounced, as the last of indecorums, the crime of encouraging +it _before_. This hint, however, fell harmless upon the innocent ear of +Lucy. She did not in the remotest degree comprehend its meaning; she +only, with a glowing cheek and a pouting lip, resented the allusion to a +love which she thought it insolent in any one even to suspect. + +When Brandon left the apartment, his brow was clouded, and his eye +absent and thoughtful: it was evident that there had been little in the +conference with his niece to please or content him. Miss Brandon herself +was greatly agitated; for there was in her uncle's nature that silent and +impressive secret of influencing or commanding others which almost so +invariably and yet so quietly attains the wishes of its owner; and Lucy, +who loved and admired him sincerely,--not the less, perhaps, for a +certain modicum of fear,--was greatly grieved at perceiving how rooted in +him was the desire of that marriage which she felt was a moral +impossibility. But if Brandon possessed the secret of sway, Lucy was +scarcely less singularly endowed with the secret of resistance. It may +be remembered, in describing her character, that we spoke of her as one +who seemed, to the superficial, as of too yielding and soft a temper. +But circumstances gave the lie to manner, and proved that she eminently +possessed a quiet firmness and latent resolution, which gave to her mind +a nobleness and trustworthy power that never would have been suspected by +those who met her among the ordinary paths of life. + +Brandon had not been long gone, when Lucy's maid came to inform her that +a gentleman, who expressed himself very desirous of seeing her, waited +below. The blood rushed from Lucy's cheek at this announcement, simple +as it seemed. "What gentleman could be desirous of seeing her? Was it-- +was it Clifford?" She remained for some moments motionless, and +literally unable to move; at length she summoned courage, and smiling +with self-contempt at a notion which appeared to her after thoughts +utterly absurd, she descended to the drawing-room. The first glance she +directed towards the stranger, who stood by the fireplace with folded +arms, was sufficient,--it was impossible to mistake, though the face was +averted, the unequalled form of her lover. She advanced eagerly with a +faint cry, checked herself, and sank upon the sofa. + +Clifford turned towards her, and fixed his eyes upon her countenance with +an intense and melancholy gaze, but he did not utter a syllable; and +Lucy, after pausing in expectation of his voice, looked up, and caught, +in alarm, the strange and peculiar aspect of his features. He approached +her slowly, and still silent; but his gaze seemed to grow more earliest +and mournful as he advanced. + +"Yes," said he at last, in a broken and indistinct voice, "I see you once +more, after all my promises to quit you forever,--after, my solemn +farewell, after all that I have cost you; for, Lucy, you love me, you +love me, and I shudder while I feel it; after all I myself have borne and +resisted, I once more come wilfully into your presence! How have I +burned and sickened for this moment! How have I said, 'Let me behold her +once more, only once more, and Fate may then do her worst!' Lucy! dear, +dear Lucy! forgive me for my weakness. It is now in bitter and stern +reality the very last I can be guilty of!" + +As he spoke, Clifford sank beside her. He took both her hands in his, +and holding them, though without pressure, again looked passionately upon +her innocent yet eloquent face. It seemed as if he were moved beyond all +the ordinary feelings of reunion and of love. He did not attempt to kiss +the hands he held; and though the touch thrilled through every vein and +fibre of his frame, his clasp was as light as that in which the first +timidity of a boy's love ventures to stamp itself! + +"You are pale, Lucy," said he, mournfully, "and your cheek is much +thinner than it was when I first saw you. When I first saw you! Ah! +would for your sake that that had never been! Your spirits were light +then, Lucy; your laugh came from the heart, your step spurned the earth. +Joy broke from your eyes, everything that breathed around you seemed full +of happiness and mirth; and now, look upon me, Lucy! lift those soft +eyes, and teach them to flash upon me indignation and contempt! Oh, not +thus, not thus! I could leave you happy,--yes, literally blessed,--if I +could fancy you less forgiving, less gentle, less angelic!" + +"What have I to forgive?" said Lucy, tenderly. + +"What! everything for which one human being can pardon another. Have not +deceit and injury been my crimes against you? Your peace of mind, your +serenity of heart, your buoyancy of temper,--have I marred these or not?" + +"Oh, Clifford!" said Lucy, rising from herself and from all selfish +thoughts, "why, why will you not trust me? You do not know me, indeed +you do not,--you are ignorant even of the very nature of a woman, if you +think me unworthy of your confidence! Do you believe I could betray it, +or do you think that if you had done that for which all the world forsook +you, I could forsake?" + +Lucy's voice faltered at the last words; but it sank, as a stone sinks +into deep waters, to the very core of Clifford's heart. Transported from +all resolution and all forbearance, he wound his arms around her in one +long and impassioned caress; and Lucy, as her breath mingled with his, +and her cheek drooped upon his bosom, did indeed feel as if the past +could contain no secret powerful enough even to weaken the affection with +which her heart clung to his. She was the first to extricate herself +from their embrace. She drew back her face from his, and smiling on him +through her tears, with a brightness that the smiles of her earliest +youth had never surpassed, she said,-- + +"Listen to me. Tell me your history or not, as you will. But believe +me, a woman's wit is often no despicable counsellor. They who accuse +themselves the most bitterly are not often those whom it is most +difficult to forgive; and you must pardon me if I doubt the extent of the +blame you would so lavishly impute to yourself. I am now alone in the +world" (here the smile withered from Lucy's lips). "My poor father is +dead. I can injure no one by my conduct; there is no one on earth to +whom I am bound by duty. I am independent, I am rich. You profess to +love me. I am foolish and vain, and I believe you. Perhaps, also, I +have the fond hope which so often makes dupes of women,--the hope that if +you have erred, I may reclaim you; if you have been unfortunate, I may +console you! I know, Mr. Clifford, that I am saying that for which many +would despise me, and for which, perhaps, I ought to despise myself; but +there are times when we speak only as if some power at our hearts +constrained us, despite ourselves,--and it is thus that I have now spoken +to you." + +It was with an air very unwonted to herself that Lucy had concluded her +address, for her usual characteristic was rather softness than dignity; +but, as if to correct the meaning of her words, which might otherwise +appear unmaidenly, there was a chaste, a proud, yet not the less a tender +and sweet propriety and dignified frankness in her look and manner; so +that it would have been utterly impossible for one who heard her not to +have done justice to the nobleness of her motives, or not to have felt +both touched and penetrated, as much by respect as by any warmer or more +familiar feeling. + +Clifford, who had risen while she was speaking, listened with a +countenance that varied at every word she uttered,--now all hope, now all +despondency. As she ceased, the expression hardened into a settled and +compulsive resolution. + +"It is well!" said he, mutteringly. "I am worthy of this,--very, very +worthy! Generous, noble girl! had I been an emperor, I would have bowed +down to you in worship; but to debase, to degrade you,--no! no!" + +"Is there debasement in love?" murmured Lucy. + +Clifford gazed upon her with a sort of enthusiastic and self-gratulatory +pride; perhaps he felt to be thus loved and by such a creature was matter +of pride, even in the lowest circumstances to which he could ever be +exposed. He drew his breath hard, set his teeth, and answered,-- + +"You could love, then, an outcast, without birth, fortune, or character? +No! you believe this now, but you could not. + +"Could you desert your country, your friends, and your home,--all that you +are born and fitted for? Could you attend one over whom the sword hangs, +through a life subjected every hour to discovery and disgrace? Could you +be subjected yourself to the moodiness of an evil memory and the gloomy +silence of remorse? Could you be the victim of one who has no merit but +his love for you, and who, if that love destroy you, becomes utterly +redeemed? Yes, Lucy, I was wrong--I will do you justice; all this, nay, +more, you could bear, and your generous nature would disdain the +sacrifice. But am I to be all selfish, and you all devoted? Are you to +yield everything to me, and I to accept everything and yield none? Alas! +I have but one good, one blessing to yield, and that is yourself. Lucy, +I deserve you; I outdo you in generosity. All that you would desert for +me is nothing--O God!--nothing to the sacrifice I make to you! And now, +Lucy, I have seen you, and I must once more bid you farewell; I am on the +eve of quitting this country forever. I shall enlist in a foreign +service. Perhaps" (and Clifford's dark eyes flashed with fire) "you will +yet hear of me, and not blush when you hear! But" (and his voice +faltered, for Lucy, hiding her face with both hands, gave way to her +tears and agitation),--"but, in one respect, you have conquered. I had +believed that you could never be mine,--that my past life had forever +deprived me of that hope! I now begin, with a rapture that can bear me +through all ordeals, to form a more daring vision. A soil maybe +effaced,--an evil name maybe redeemed,--the past is not set and sealed, +without the power of revoking what has been written. If I can win the +right of meriting your mercy, I will throw myself on it without reserve; +till then, or till death, you will see me no more!" + +He dropped on his knee, left his kiss and his tears upon Lucy's cold +hand; the next moment she heard his step on the stairs, the door closed +heavily and jarringly upon him, and Lucy felt one bitter pang, and, for +some time at least, she felt no more! + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI. + + Many things fall between the cup and the lip! + Your man does please me + With his conceit. + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + Comes Chanon Hugh accoutred as you see + Disguised! + And thus am I to gull the constable? + Now have among you for a man at arms. + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + High-constable was more, though + He laid Dick Tator by the heels. + BEN JONSON--Tale of a Tub. + +Meanwhile Clifford strode rapidly through the streets which surrounded +the judge's house, and turning to an obscurer quartier of the town, +entered a gloomy lane or alley. Here he was abruptly accosted by a man +wrapped in a shaggy great-coat, of somewhat a suspicious appearance. + +"Aha, Captain!" said he, "you are beyond your time, but all 's well!" + +Attempting, with indifferent success, the easy self-possession which +generally marked his address to his companions, Clifford, repeating the +stranger's words, replied,-- + +"All's well! What! are the prisoners released?" + +"No, faith!" answered the man, with a rough laugh, "not yet; but all in +good time. It is a little too much to expect the justices to do our +work, though, by the Lord Harry, we often do theirs!" + +"What then?" asked Clifford, impatiently. + +"Why, the poor fellows had been carried to the town of -----, and brought +before the queer cuffin (Magistrate) ere I arrived, though I set off the +moment you told me, and did the journey in four hours. The examination +lasted all yesterday, and they were remanded till to-day,--let's see, it +is not yet noon; we may be there before it's over." + +"And this is what you call well!" said Clifford, angrily. "No, Captain, +don't be glimflashy! You have not heard all yet! It seems that the only +thing buffed hard against them was by a stout grazier, who was cried +'Stand!' to, some fifty miles off the town; so the queer coffin thinks of +sending the poor fellows to the jail of the county where they did the +business!" + +"Ah! that may leave some hopes for them! We must look sharp to their +journey; if they once get to prison, their only chances are the file and +the bribe. Unhappily, neither of them is so lucky as myself at that +trade!" + +"No, indeed, there is not a stone-wall in England that the great Captain +Lovett could not creep through, I'll swear!" said the admiring satellite. + +"Saddle the horses and load the pistols! I will join you in ten minutes. +Have my farmer's dress ready, the false hair, etc. Choose your own trim. +Make haste; the Three Feathers is the house of meeting." + +"And in ten minutes only, Captain?" + +"Punctually!" + +The stranger turned a corner and was out of sight. Clifford, muttering, +"Yes, I was the cause of their apprehension; it was I who was sought; it +is but fair that I should strike a blow for their escape before I attempt +my own," continued his course till he came to the door of a public-house. +The sign of a seaman swung aloft, portraying the jolly tar with a fine +pewter pot in his hand, considerably huger than his own circumference. +An immense pug sat at the door, lolling its tongue out, as if, having +stuffed itself to the tongue, it was forced to turn that useful member +out of its proper place. The shutters were half closed, but the sounds +of coarse merriment issued jovially forth. + +Clifford disconcerted the pug; and crossing the threshold, cried in aloud +tone, "Janseen!" + +"Here!" answered a gruff voice; and Clifford, passing on, came to a small +parlour adjoining the tap. There, seated by a round oak table, he found +mine host,--a red, fierce, weather-beaten, but bloated-looking personage, +like Dick Hatteraick in a dropsy. + +"How now, Captain!" cried he, in a gutteral accent, and interlarding his +discourse with certain Dutch graces, which with our reader's leave we +will omit, as being unable to spell them; "how now!--not gone yet!" + +"No! I start for the coast to-morrow; business keeps me to-day. I came +to ask if Mellon may be fully depended on?" + +"Ay, honest to the back-bone." + +"And you are sure that in spite of my late delays he will not have left +the village?" + +"Sure! What else can I be? Don't I know Jack Mellon these twenty years! +He would lie like a log in a calm for ten months together, without moving +a hair's-breadth, if he was under orders." + +"And his vessel is swift and well manned, in case of an officer's chase?" + +"The 'Black Molly' swift? Ask your grandmother. The 'Black Molly' would +outstrip a shark." + +"Then good-by, Janseen; there is something to keep your pipe alight. We +shall not meet within the three seas again, I think. England is as much +too hot for me as Holland for you!" + +"You are a capital fellow!" cried mine host, shaking Clifford by the +hand; "and when the lads come to know their loss, they will know they +have lost the bravest and truest gill that ever took to the toby; so +good-by, and be d---d to you!" + +With this valedictory benediction mine host released Clifford; and the +robber hastened to his appointment at the Three Feathers. + +He found all prepared. He hastily put on his disguise; and his follower +led out his horse,--a noble animal of the grand Irish breed, of +remarkable strength and bone, and save only that it was somewhat sharp in +the quarters (a fault which they who look for speed as well as grace will +easily forgive), of most unequalled beauty in its symmetry and +proportions. + +Well did the courser know, and proudly did it render obeisance to, its +master; snorting impatiently and rearing from the hand of the attendant +robber, the sagacious animal freed itself of the rein, and as it tossed +its long mane in the breeze of the fresh air, came trotting to the place +where Clifford stood. + +"So ho, Robin! so ho! What, thou chafest that I have left thy fellow +behind at the Red Cave! Him we may never see more. But while I have +life, I will not leave thee, Robin!" With these words the robber fondly +stroked the shining neck of his favourite steed; and as the animal +returned the caress by rubbing its head against the hands and the +athletic breast of its master, Clifford felt at his heart somewhat of +that old racy stir of the blood which had been once to him the chief +charm of his criminal profession, and which in the late change of his +feelings he had almost forgotten. + +"Well, Robin, well," he renewed, as he kissed the face of his steed,-- +"well, we will have some days like our old ones yet; thou shalt say, Ha! +ha! to the trumpet, and bear thy master along on more glorious +enterprises than he has yet thanked thee for sharing. Thou wilt now be +my only familiar, my only friend, Robin; we two shall be strangers in a +foreign land. But thou wilt make thyself welcome easier than thy lord, +Robin; and thou wilt forget the old days and thine old comrades and thine +old loves, when--Ha!" and Clifford turned abruptly to his attendant, who +addressed him; "It is late, you say. True! Look you, it will be unwise +for us both to quit London together. You know the sixth milestone; join +me there, and we can proceed in company!" + +Not unwilling to linger for a parting cup, the comrade assented to the +prudence of the plan proposed; and after one or two additional words of +caution and advice, Clifford mounted and rode from the yard of the inn. +As he passed through the tall wooden gates into the street, the imperfect +gleam of the wintry sun falling over himself and his steed, it was +scarcely possible, even in spite of his disguise and rude garb, to +conceive a more gallant and striking specimen of the lawless and daring +tribe to which he belonged; the height, strength, beauty, and exquisite +grooming visible in the steed; the sparkling eye, the bold profile, the +sinewy chest, the graceful limbs, and the careless and practised +horsemanship of the rider. + +Looking after his chief with a long and an admiring gaze, the robber said +to the hostler of the inn, an aged and withered man, who had seen nine +generations of highwaymen rise and vanish,-- + +"There, Joe, when did you ever look on a hero like that? The bravest +heart, the frankest hand, the best judge of a horse, and the handsomest +man that ever did honour to Hounslow!" + +"For all that," returned the hostler, shaking his palsied head, and +turning back to the tap-room,--"for all that, master, his time be up. +Mark my whids, Captain Lovett will not be over the year,--no, nor mayhap +the month!" + +"Why, you old rascal, what makes you so wise? You will not peach, I +suppose!" + +"I peach! Devil a bit! But there never was the gemman of the road, +great or small, knowing or stupid, as outlived his seventh year. And +this will be the captain's seventh, come the 21st of next month; but he +be a fine chap, and I'll go to his hanging!" + +"Fish!" said the robber, peevishly,--he himself was verging towards the +end of his sixth year,--"pish!" + +"Mind, I tells it you, master; and somehow or other I thinks--and I has +experience in these things--by the fey, of his eye and the drop of his +lip, that the captain's time will be up to-day!" + + [Fey--A word difficult to translate; but the closest interpretation + of which is, perhaps, "the ill omen."] + +Here the robber lost all patience, and pushing the hoary boder of evil +against the wall, he turned on his heel, and sought some more agreeable +companion to share his stirrup-cup. + +It was in the morning of the day following that in which the above +conversations occurred, that the sagacious Augustus Tomlinson and the +valorous Edward Pepper, handcuffed and fettered, were jogging along the +road in a postchaise, with Mr. Nabbem squeezed in by the side of the +former, and two other gentlemen in Mr. Nabbem's confidence mounted on the +box of the chaise, and interfering sadly, as Long Ned growlingly +remarked, with "the beauty of the prospect." + +"Ah, well!" quoth Nabbem, unavoidably thrusting his elbow into +Tomlinson's side, while he drew out his snuffbox, and helped himself +largely to the intoxicating dust; "you had best prepare yourself, Mr. +Pepper, for a change of prospects. I believes as how there is little to +please you in _guod_ [prison]." + +"Nothing makes men so facetious as misfortune to others!" said Augustus, +moralizing, and turning himself, as well as he was able, in order to +deliver his body from the pointed elbow of Mr. Nabbem. "When a man is +down in the world, all the bystanders, very dull fellows before, suddenly +become wits!" + +"You reflects on I," said Mr. Nabbem. "Well, it does not sinnify a pin; +for directly we does our duty, you chaps become howdaciously ungrateful!" + +"Ungrateful!" said Pepper; "what a plague have we got to be grateful for? +I suppose you think we ought to tell you you are the best friend we have, +because you have scrouged us, neck and crop, into this horrible hole, +like turkeys fatted for Christmas. 'Sdeath! one's hair is flatted down +like a pancake; and as for one's legs, you had better cut them off at +once than tuck them up in a place a foot square,--to say nothing of these +blackguardly irons!" + +"The only irons pardonable in your eyes, Ned," said Tomlinson, "are the +curling-irons, eh?" + +"Now, if this is not too much!" cried Nabbem, crossly; "you objects to go +in a cart like the rest of your profession; and when I puts myself out of +the way to obleedgie you with a shay, you slangs I for it!" + +"Peace, good Nabbem!" said Augustus, with a sage's dignity; "you must +allow a little bad humour in men so unhappily situated as we are." + +The soft answer turneth away wrath. Tomlinson's answer softened Nabbem; +and by way of conciliation, he held his snuff-box to the nose of his +unfortunate prisoner. Shutting his eyes, Tomlinson long and earnestly +sniffed up the luxury, and as soon as, with his own kerchief of spotted +yellow, the officer had wiped from the proboscis some lingering grains, +Tomlinson thus spoke: + +"You see us now, Mr. Nabbem, in a state of broken-down opposition; but +our spirits are not broken too. In our time we have had something to do +with the administration; and our comfort at present is the comfort of +fallen ministers!" + +"Oho! you were in the Methodist line before you took to the road?" said +Nabbem. + +"Not so!" answered Augustus, gravely. "We were the Methodists of +politics, not of the church; namely, we lived upon our flock without a +legal authority to do so, and that which the law withheld from us our +wits gave. But tell me, Mr. Nabbem, are you addicted to politics?" + +"Why, they says I be," said Mr. Nabbem, with a grin; "and for my part, I +thinks all who sarves the king should stand up for him, and take care of +their little families!" + +"You speak what others think!" answered Tomlinson, smiling also. "And I +will now, since you like politics, point out to you what I dare say you +have not observed before." + +"What be that?" said Nabbem. + +"A wonderful likeness between the life of the gentlemen adorning his +Majesty's senate and the life of the gentlemen whom you are conducting to +his Majesty's jail." + + + THE LIBELLOUS PARALLEL OF AUGUSTUS TOMLINSON. + + "We enter our career, Mr. Nabbem, as your embryo ministers enter + parliament,--by bribery and corruption. There is this difference, + indeed, between the two cases: we are enticed to enter by the + bribery and corruptions of others; they enter spontaneously by dint + of their own. At first, deluded by romantic visions, we like the + glory of our career better than the profit, and in our youthful + generosity we profess to attack the rich solely from consideration + for the poor! By and by, as we grow more hardened, we laugh at + these boyish dreams,--peasant or prince fares equally at our + impartial hands; we grasp at the bucket, but we scorn not the + thimbleful; we use the word 'glory' only as a trap for proselytes + and apprentices; our fingers, like an office-door, are open for all + that can possibly come into them; we consider the wealthy as our + salary, the poor as our perquisites. What is this, but a picture of + your member of parliament ripening into a minister, your patriot + mellowing into your placeman? And mark me, Mr. Nabbem! is not the + very language of both as similar as the deeds? What is the phrase + either of us loves to employ? 'To deliver.' What? 'The Public.' + And do not both invariably deliver it of the same thing,--namely, + its purse? Do we want an excuse for sharing the gold of our + neighbours, or abusing them if they resist? Is not our mutual, our + pithiest plea, 'Distress'? True, your patriot calls it 'distress of + the country;' but does he ever, a whit more than we do, mean any + distress but his own? When we are brought low, and our coats are + shabby, do we not both shake our heads and talk of 'reform'? And + when, oh! when we are up in the world, do we not both kick 'reform' + to the devil? How often your parliament man 'vacates his seat,' + only for the purpose of resuming it with a weightier purse! How + often, dear Ned, have our seats been vacated for the same end! + Sometimes, indeed, he really finishes his career by accepting the + Hundreds,--it is by 'accepting the hundreds' that ours may be + finished too! [Ned drew a long sigh.] Note us now, Mr. Nabbem, in + the zenith of our prosperity,--we have filled our pockets, we have + become great in the mouths of our party. Our pals admire us, and + our blowens adore. What do we in this short-lived summer? Save and + be thrifty? Ah, no! we must give our dinners, and make light of our + lush. We sport horses on the race-course, and look big at the + multitude we have bubbled. Is not this your minister come into + office? Does not this remind you of his equipage, his palace, his + plate? In both cases lightly won, lavishly wasted; and the public, + whose cash we have fingered, may at least have the pleasure of + gaping at the figure we make with it! This, then, is our harvest of + happiness; our foes, our friends, are ready to eat us with envy,-- + yet what is so little enviable as our station? Have we not both our + common vexations and our mutual disquietudes? Do we not both bribe + [Nabbem shook his head and buttoned his waistcoat] our enemies, + cajole our partisans, bully our dependants, and quarrel with our + only friends,--namely, ourselves? Is not the secret question with + each, 'It is all confoundedly fine; but how long will it last?' + Now, Mr. Nabbem, note me,--reverse the portrait: we are fallen, our + career is over,--the road is shut to us, and new plunderers are + robbing the carriages that once we robbed. Is not this the lot of-- + No, no! I deceive myself! Your ministers, your jobmen, for the + most part milk the popular cow while there's a drop in the udder. + Your chancellor declines on a pension; your minister attenuates on a + grant; the feet of your great rogues may be gone from the treasury + benches, but they have their little fingers in the treasury. Their + past services are remembered by his Majesty; ours only noted by the + Recorder. They save themselves, for they hang by one another; we go + to the devil, for we hang by ourselves. We have our little day of + the public, and all is over; but it is never over with them. We + both hunt the same fox; but we are your fair riders, they are your + knowing ones,--we take the leap, and our necks are broken; they + sneak through the gates, and keep it up to the last!" + + +As he concluded, Tomlinson's head dropped on his bosom, and it was easy +to see that painful comparisons, mingled perhaps with secret murmurs at +the injustice of fortune, were rankling in his breast. Long Ned sat in +gloomy silence; and even the hard heart of the severe Mr. Nabbem was +softened by the affecting parallel to which he had listened. They had +proceeded without speaking for two or three miles, when Long Ned, fixing +his eyes on Tomlinson, exclaimed,-- + +"Do you know, Tomlinson, I think it was a burning shame in Lovett to +suffer us to be carried off like muttons, without attempting to rescue us +by the way! It is all his fault that we are here; for it was he whom +Nabbem wanted, not us." + +"Very true," said the cunning policeman; "and if I were you, Mr. Pepper, +hang me if I would not behave like a man of spirit, and show as little +consarn for him as he shows for you! Why, Lord now, I doesn't want to +'tice you; but this I does know, the justices are very anxious to catch +Lovett; and one who gives him up, and says a word or two about his +c'racter, so as to make conviction sartain, may himself be sartain of a +free pardon for all little sprees and so forth!" + +"Ah!" said Long Ned, with a sigh, "that is all very well, Mr. Nabbem, but +I'll go to the crap like a gentleman, and not peach of my comrades; and +now I think of it, Lovett could scarcely have assisted us. One man +alone, even Lovett, clever as he is, could not have forced us out of the +clutches of you and your myrmidons, Mr. Nabbem! And when we were once at +-----, they took excellent care of us. But tell me now, my dear Nabbem," +and Long Ned's voice wheedled itself into something like softness,--"tell +me, do you think the grazier will buff it home?" + +"No doubt of that," said the unmoved Nabbem. Long Ned's face fell. "And +what if he does?" said he; "they can but transport us!" + +"Don't desave yourself, Master Pepper!" said Nabbem: "you're too old a +hand for the herring-pond. They're resolved to make gallows apples of +all such numprels [Nonpareils] as you!" + +Ned cast a sullen look at the officer. + +"A pretty comforter you are!" said he. "I have been in a post chaise +with a pleasanter fellow, I'll swear! You may call me an apple if you +will, but, I take it, I am not an apple you'd like to see peeled." + +With this pugilistic and menacing pun, the lengthy hero relapsed into +meditative silence. + +Our travellers were now entering a road skirted on one side by a common +of some extent, and on the other by a thick hedgerow, which through its +breaks gave occasional glimpses of woodland and fallow, interspersed with +cross-roads and tiny brooklets. + +"There goes a jolly fellow!" said Nabbem, pointing to an athletic-looking +man, riding before the carriage, dressed in a farmer's garb, and mounted +on a large and powerful horse of the Irish breed. "I dare say he is well +acquainted with your grazier, Mr. Tomlinson; he looks mortal like one of +the same kidney; and here comes another chap" (as the stranger, was +joined by a short, stout, ruddy man in a carter's frock, riding on a +horse less showy than his comrade's, but of the lengthy, reedy, lank, yet +muscular race, which a knowing jockey would like to bet on). "Now that's +what I calls a comely lad!" continued Nabbem, pointing to the latter +horseman; "none of your thin-faced, dark, strapping fellows like that +Captain Lovett, as the blowens raves about, but a, nice, tight little +body, with a face like a carrot! That's a beauty for my money! +Honesty's stamped on his face, Mr. Tomlinson! I dare says" (and the +officer grinned, for he had been a lad of the cross in his own day),-- +"I dare says, poor innocent booby, he knows none of the ways of Lunnun +town; and if he has not as merry a life as some folks, mayhap he may have +a longer. But a merry one forever for such lads as us, Mr. Pepper! I +say, has you heard as how Bill Fang went to Scratchland [Scotland] and +was stretched for smashing queer screens [that is, hung for uttering +forged notes]? He died 'nation game; for when his father, who was a +gray-headed parson, came to see him after the sentence, he says to the +governor, say he, 'Give us a tip, old 'un, to pay the expenses, and die +dacently.' The parson forks him out ten shiners, preaching all the while +like winkey. Bob drops one of the guineas between his fingers, and says, +'Holla, dad, you have only tipped us nine of the yellow boys! Just now +you said as how it was ten!' On this the parish-bull, who was as poor as +if he had been a mouse of the church instead of the curate, lugs out +another; and Bob, turning round to the jailer, cries, 'Flung the governor +out of a guinea, by God!--[Fact]--Now, that's what I calls keeping it up +to the last!" + +Mr. Nabbem had scarcely finished this anecdote, when the farmer-like +stranger, who had kept up by the side of the chaise, suddenly rode to the +window, and touching his hat, said in a Norfolk accent,-- + +"Were the gentlemen we met on the road belonging to your party? They +were asking after a chaise and pair." + +"No!" said Nabbem, "there be no gentlemen as belongs to our party!" +So saying, he tipped a knowing wink at the farmer, and glanced over his +shoulder at the prisoners. + +"What! you are going all alone?" said the farmer. + +"Ay, to be sure," answered Nabbem; "not much danger, I think, in the +daytime, with the sun out as big as a sixpence, which is as big as ever I +see'd him in this country!" + +At that moment the shorter stranger, whose appearance had attracted the +praise of Mr. Nabbem (that personage was himself very short and ruddy), +and who had hitherto been riding close to the post-horses, and talking to +the officers on the box, suddenly threw himself from his steed, and in +the same instant that he arrested the horses of the chaise, struck the +postilion to the ground with a short heavy bludgeon which he drew from +his frock. A whistle was heard and answered, as if by a signal: three +fellows, armed with bludgeons, leaped from the hedge; and in the interim +the pretended farmer, dismounting, flung open the door of the chaise, and +seizing Mr. Nabbem by the collar, swung him to the ground with a celerity +that became the circular rotundity of the policeman's figure rather than +the deliberate gravity of his dignified office. + +Rapid and instantaneous as had been this work, it was not without a +check. Although the policemen had not dreamed of a rescue in the very +face of the day and on the high-road, their profession was not that which +suffered them easily to be surprised. The two guardians of the dicky +leaped nimbly to the ground; but before they had time to use their +firearms, two of the new aggressors, who had appeared from the hedge, +closed upon them, and bore them to the ground. While this scuffle took +place, the farmer had disarmed the prostrate Nabbem, and giving him in +charge to the remaining confederate, extricated Tomlinson and his comrade +from the chaise. + +"Hist!" said he in a whisper, "beware my name; my disguise hides me at +present. Lean on me,--only through the hedge; a cart waits there, and +you are safe!" + +With these broken words he assisted the robbers as well as he could, in +spite of their manacles, through the same part of the hedge from which +the three allies had sprung. They were already through the barrier,-- +only the long legs of Ned Pepper lingered behind,--when at the far end of +the road, which was perfectly straight, a gentleman's carriage became +visible. A strong hand from the interior of the hedge, seizing Pepper, +dragged him through; and Clifford,--for the reader need not be told who +was the farmer, perceiving the approaching reinforcement, shouted at once +for flight. The robber who had guarded Nabbem, and who indeed was no +other than Old Bags, slow as he habitually was, lost not an instant in +providing for himself; before you could say "Laudamus," he was on the +other side of the hedge. The two men engaged with the police-officers +were not capable of an equal celerity; but Clifford, throwing himself +into the contest and engaging the policemen, gave the robbers the +opportunity of escape. They scrambled through the fence; the officers, +tough fellows and keen, clinging lustily to them, till one was felled by +Clifford, and the other, catching against a stump, was forced to +relinquish his hold; he then sprang back into the road and prepared for +Clifford, who now, however, occupied himself rather in fugitive than +warlike measures. Meanwhile, the moment the other rescuers had passed +the Rubicon of the hedge, their flight, and that of the gentlemen who had +passed before them, commenced. On this mystic side of the hedge was a +cross-road, striking at once through an intricate and wooded part of the +country, which allowed speedy and ample opportunities of dispersion. +Here a light cart, drawn by two swift horses in a tandem fashion, awaited +the fugitives. Long Ned and Augustus were stowed down at the bottom of +this vehicle; three fellows filed away at their irons, and a fourth, who +had hitherto remained inglorious with the cart, gave the lash--and he +gave it handsomely--to the coursers. Away rattled the equipage; and thus +was achieved a flight still memorable in the annals of the elect, and +long quoted as one of the boldest and most daring exploits that illicit +enterprise ever accomplished. + +Clifford and his equestrian comrade only remained in the field, or rather +the road. The former sprang at once on his horse; the latter was not +long in following the example. But the policeman, who, it has been said, +baffled in detaining the fugitives of the hedge, had leaped back into the +road, was not idle in the meanwhile. When he saw Clifford about to +mount, instead of attempting to seize the enemy, he recurred to his +pistol, which in the late struggle hand to hand he had been unable to +use, and taking sure aim at Clifford, whom he judged at once to be the +leader of the rescue, he lodged a ball in the right side of the robber at +the very moment he had set spurs in his horse and turned to fly. +Clifford's head drooped to the saddle-bow. Fiercely the horse sprang on. +The robber endeavoured, despite his reeling senses, to retain his seat; +once he raised his head, once he nerved his slackened and listless limbs, +and then, with a faint groan, he fell to the earth. The horse bounded +but one step more, and, true to the tutorship it had received, stopped +abruptly. Clifford raised himself with great difficulty on one arm; with +the other hand he drew forth a pistol. He pointed it deliberately +towards the officer that wounded him. The man stood motionless, cowering +and spellbound, beneath the dilating eye of the robber. It was but for a +moment that the man had cause for dread; for muttering between his ground +teeth, "Why waste it on _an enemy_?" Clifford turned the muzzle towards +the head of the unconscious steed, which seemed sorrowfully and wistfully +to incline towards him. "Thou," he said, "whom I have fed and loved, +shalt never know hardship from another!" and with a merciful cruelty he +dragged himself one pace nearer to his beloved steed, uttered a well- +known word, which brought the docile creature to his side, and placing +the muzzle of the pistol close to his ear, he fired, and fell back +senseless at the exertion. The animal staggered, and dropped down dead. + +Meanwhile Clifford's comrade, profiting by the surprise and sudden panic +of the officer, was already out of reach, and darting across the common, +he and his ragged courser speedily vanished. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + + Lose I not + With him what fortune could in life allot? + Lose I not hope, life's cordial? + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + In fact, the lessons he from prudence took + Were written in his mind as in a book; + There what to do he read, and what to shun, + And all commanded was with promptness done. + He seemed without a passion to proceed, + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + Yet some believed those passions only slept! + CRABBE. + + Relics of love, and life's enchanted spring! + A. WATTS: On burning a Packet of Letters. + + Many and sad and deep + Were the thoughts folded in thy silent breast! + Thou, too, could'st watch and weep! + MRS. HEMANS. + +While Sir William Brandon was pursuing his ambitious schemes, and, +notwithstanding Lucy's firm and steady refusal of Lord Mauleverer, was +still determined on that ill-assorted marriage; while Mauleverer himself +day after day attended at the judge's house, and, though he spoke not of +love, looked it with all his might,--it became obvious to every one but +the lover and the guardian, that Lucy herself was rapidly declining in +appearance and health. Ever since the day she had last seen Clifford, +her spirits, before greatly shattered, had refused to regain even a +likeness to their naturally cheerful and happy tone. She became silent +and abstracted; even her gentleness of temper altered at times into a +moody and fretful humour. Neither to books nor music, nor any art by +which time is beguiled, she recurred for a momentary alleviation of the +bitter feelings at her heart, or for a transient forgetfulness of their +sting. The whole world of her mind had been shaken. Her pride was +wounded, her love galled; her faith in Clifford gave way at length to +gloomy and dark suspicion. Nothing, she now felt, but a name as well as +fortunes utterly abandoned, could have justified him for the stubbornness +of heart in which he had fled and deserted her. Her own self-acquittal +no longer consoled her in affliction. She condemned herself for her +weakness, from the birth of her ill-starred affection to the crisis it +had now acquired. "Why did I not wrestle with it at first?" she said +bitterly. "Why did I allow myself so easily to love one unknown to me, +and equivocal in station, despite the cautions of my uncle and the +whispers of the world?" Alas! Lucy did not remember that at the time she +was guilty of this weakness, she had not learned to reason as she since +reasoned. Her faculties were but imperfectly awakened; her experience of +the world was utter ignorance. She scarcely knew that she loved, and she +knew not at all that the delicious and excited sentiment which filled her +being could ever become as productive of evil and peril as it had done +now; and even had her reason been more developed, and her resolutions +more strong, does the exertion of reason and resolution always avail +against the master passion? Love, it is true, is not unconquerable; but +how few have ever, mind and soul, coveted the conquest! Disappointment +makes a vow, but the heart records it not. Or in the noble image of one +who has so tenderly and so truly portrayed the feelings of her own sex,-- + + "We make + A ladder of our thoughts where angels step, + But sleep ourselves at the foot!" + [The History of the Lyre, by L. E. L.] + +Before Clifford had last seen her, we have observed that Lucy had (and it +was a consolation) clung to the belief that, despite of appearances and +his own confession, his past life had not been such as to place him +without the pale of her just affections; and there were frequent moments +when, remembering that the death of her father had removed the only being +who could assert an unanswerable claim to the dictation of her actions, +she thought that Clifford, hearing her hand was utterly at her own +disposal, might again appear, and again urge a suit which he felt so few +circumstances could induce her to deny. All this half-acknowledged yet +earnest train of reasoning and hope vanished from the moment he had +quitted her uncle's house. His words bore no misinterpretation. He had +not yielded even to her own condescension, and her cheek burned as she +recalled it. Yet he loved her. She saw, she knew it in his every word +and look! Bitter, then, and dark must be that remorse which could have +conquered every argument but that which urged him to leave her, when he +might have claimed her forever. True, that when his letter formally bade +her farewell, the same self-accusing language was recurred to, the same +dark hints and allusions to infamy or guilt; yet never till now had she +interpreted them rigidly, and never till now had she dreamed how far +their meaning could extend. Still, what crimes could he have committed? +The true ones never occurred to Lucy. She shuddered to ask herself, and +hushed her doubts in a gloomy and torpid silence. But through all her +accusations against herself, and through all her awakened suspicions +against Clifford, she could not but acknowledge that something noble and +not unworthy of her mingled in his conduct, and occasioned his resistance +to her and to himself; and this belief, perhaps, irritated even while it +touched her, and kept her feelings in a perpetual struggle and conflict +which her delicate frame and soft mind were little able to endure. When +the nerves once break, how breaks the character with them! How many +ascetics, withered and soured, do we meet in the world, who but for one +shock to the heart and form might have erred on the side of meekness! +Whether it come from woe or disease, the stroke which mars a single fibre +plays strange havoc with the mind. Slaves we are to our muscles, and +puppets to the spring of the capricious blood; and the great soul, with +all its capacities, its solemn attributes, and sounding claims, is, while +on earth, but a jest to this mountebank,--the body,--from the dream which +toys with it for an hour, to the lunacy which shivers it into a +driveller, laughing as it plays with its own fragments, and reeling +benighted and blinded to the grave! + +We have before said that Lucy was fond both of her uncle and his society; +and still, whenever the subject of Lord Mauleverer and his suit was left +untouched, there was that in the conversation of Sir William Brandon +which aroused an interest in her mind, engrossed and self-consuming as it +had become. Sorrow, indeed, and sorrow's companion, reflection, made her +more and more capable of comprehending a very subtle and intricate +character. There is no secret for discovering the human heart like +affliction, especially the affliction which springs from passion. Does a +writer startle you with his insight into your nature, be sure that he has +mourned; such lore is the alchemy of tears. Hence the insensible and +almost universal confusion of idea which confounds melancholy with depth, +and finds but hollow inanity in the symbol of a laugh. Pitiable error! +Reflection first leads us to gloom, but its next stage is to brightness. +The Laughing Philosopher had reached the goal of Wisdom; Heraclitus +whimpered at the starting-post. But enough for Lucy to gain even the +vestibule of philosophy. + +Notwithstanding the soreness we naturally experience towards all who +pertinaciously arouse an unpleasant subject, and in spite therefore of +Brandon's furtherance of Mauleverer's courtship, Lucy felt herself +inclined strangely, and with something of a daughter's affection, towards +this enigmatical being; in spite, too, of all the cold and measured vice +of his character,--the hard and wintry grayness of heart with which he +regarded the welfare of others, or the substances of Truth, Honour, and +Virtue,--the callousness of his fossilized affections, which no human +being softened but for a moment, and no warm and healthful impulse +struck, save into an evanescent and idle flash;--in spite of this +consummate obduracy and worldliness of temperament, it is not paradoxical +to say that there was something in the man which Lucy found at times +analogous to her own vivid and generous self. This was, however, only +noticeable when she led him to talk over earlier days, and when by +degrees the sarcastic lawyer forgot the present, and grew eloquent, not +over the actions, but the feelings of the past. He would speak to her +for hours of his youthful dreams, his occupations, or his projects, as a +boy. Above all, he loved to converse with her upon Warlock, its remains +of ancient magnificence, the green banks of the placid river that +enriched its domains, and the summer pomp of wood and heath-land, amidst +which his noonday visions had been nursed. + +When he spoke of these scenes and days, his countenance softened, and +something in its expression, recalling to Lucy the image of one still +dearer, made her yearn to him the more. An ice seemed broken from his +mind, and streams of released and gentle feelings, mingled with kindly +and generous sentiment, flowed forth. Suddenly a thought, a word, +brought him back to the present,--his features withered abruptly into +their cold placidity or latent sneer; the seal closed suddenly on the +broken spell, and, like the victim of a fairy-tale, condemned at a stated +hour to assume another shape, the very being you had listened to seemed +vanished, and replaced by one whom you startled to behold. But there was +one epoch of his life on which he was always silent, and that was his +first onset into the actual world,--the period of his early struggle into +wealth and fame. All that space of time seemed as a dark gulf, over +which he had passed, and become changed at once,--as a traveller landing +in a strange climate may adopt, the moment he touches its shore, its +costume and its language. + +All men--the most modest--have a common failing; but it is one which +often assumes the domino and mask,--pride! Brandon was, however, proud +to a degree very rare in men who have risen and flourished in the world. +Out of the wrecks of all other feelings this imperial survivor made one +great palace for its residence, and called the fabric "Disdain." Scorn +was the real essence of Brandon's nature; even in the blandest disguises, +the smoothness of his voice, the insinuation of his smile, the popular +and supple graces of his manners, an oily derision floated, rarely +discernible, it is true, but proportioning its strength and quantum to +the calm it produced. + +In the interim, while his character thus displayed and contradicted +itself in private life, his fame was rapidly rising in public estimation. +Unlike many of his brethren, the brilliant lawyer had exceeded +expectation, and shone even yet more conspicuously in the less +adventitiously aided duties of the judge. Envy itself--and Brandon's +political virulence had, despite his personal affability, made him many +foes--was driven into acknowledging the profundity of his legal +knowledge, and in admiring the manner in which the peculiar functions of +his novel dignity were discharged. No juvenile lawyer browbeat, no +hackneyed casuist puzzled, him; even his attention never wandered from +the dullest case subjected to his tribunal. A painter, desirous of +stamping on his canvas the portrait of an upright judge, could scarcely +have found a finer realization for his beau-ideal than the austere, +collected, keen, yet majestic countenance of Sir William Brandon, such as +it seemed in the trappings of office and from the seat of justice. + +The newspapers were not slow in recording the singular capture of the +notorious Lovett. The boldness with which he had planned and executed +the rescue of his comrades, joined to the suspense in which his wound for +some time kept the public, as to his escape from one death by the postern +gate of another, caused a very considerable ferment and excitation in the +popular mind; and, to feed the impulse, the journalists were little +slothful in retailing every anecdote, true or false, which they could +collect touching the past adventures of the daring highwayman. Many a +good story then came to light, which partook as much of the comic as the +tragic,--for not a single one of the robber's adventures was noted for +cruelty or bloodshed; many of them betokened rather an hilarious and +jovial spirit of mirthful enterprise. It seemed as if he had thought the +highway a capital arena for jokes, and only robbed for the sake of +venting a redundant affection for jesting. Persons felt it rather a sin +to be severe with a man of so merry a disposition; and it was especially +observable that not one of the ladies who had been despoiled by the +robber could be prevailed on to prosecute; on the contrary, they always +talked of the event as one of the most agreeable remembrances in their +lives, and seemed to bear a provoking gratitude to the comely offender, +rather than resentment. All the gentlemen were not, however, of so +placable a temper; and two sturdy farmers, with a grazier to boot, were +ready to swear, "through thick and thin," to the identity of the prisoner +with a horseman who had civilly borne each of them company for an hour in +their several homeward rides from certain fairs, and had carried the +pleasure of his society, they very gravely asserted, considerably beyond +a joke; so that the state of the prisoner's affairs took a very sombre +aspect, and the counsel--an old hand--intrusted with his cause declared +confidentially that there was not a chance. But a yet more weighty +accusation, because it came from a much nobler quarter, awaited Clifford. +In the robbers' cavern were found several articles answering exactly to +the description of those valuables feloniously abstracted from the person +of Lord Mauleverer. That nobleman attended to inspect the articles, and +to view the prisoner. The former he found himself able to swear to, with +a very tranquillized conscience; the latter he beheld feverish, +attenuated, and in a moment of delirium, on the sick-bed to which his +wound had brought him. He was at no loss, however, to recognize in the +imprisoned felon the gay and conquering Clifford, whom he had once even +honoured with his envy. Although his former dim and vague suspicions of +Clifford were thus confirmed, the good-natured peer felt some slight +compunction at appearing as his prosecutor. This compunction, however, +vanished the moment he left the sick man's apartment; and after a little +patriotic conversation with the magistrates about the necessity of public +duty,--a theme which brought virtuous tears into the eyes of those +respectable functionaries,--he re-entered his carriage, returned to town, +and after a lively dinner _tete-a-tete_ with an old _chere amie_, who, of +all her charms, had preserved only the attraction of conversation and the +capacity of relishing a _salami_, Mauleverer, the very evening of his +return, betook himself to the house of Sir William Brandon. + +When he entered the hall, Barlow, the judge's favourite servant, met him, +with rather a confused and mysterious air, and arresting him as he was +sauntering into Brandon's library, informed him that Sir William was +particularly engaged, but would join his lordship in the drawing-room. +While Barlow was yet speaking, and Mauleverer was bending his right ear +(with which he heard the best) towards him, the library door opened, and +a man in a very coarse and ruffianly garb awkwardly bowed himself out. + +"So this is the particular engagement," thought Mauleverer,--"a strange +Sir Pandarus; but those old fellows have droll tastes." + +"I may go in now, my good fellow, I suppose?" said his lordship to +Barlow; and without waiting an answer, he entered the library. He found +Brandon alone, and bending earnestly over some letters which strewed his +table. Mauleverer carelessly approached, and threw himself into an +opposite chair. Sir William lifted his head, as he heard the movement; +and Mauleverer, reckless as was that personage, was chilled and almost +awed by the expression of his friend's countenance. Brandon's face was +one which, however pliant, nearly always wore one pervading character,-- +calmness; whether in the smoothness of social courtesy, or the austerity +of his official station, or the bitter sarcasm which escaped him at no +unfrequent intervals, still a certain hard and inflexible dryness stamped +both his features and his air. But at this time a variety of feelings +not ordinarily eloquent in the outward man struggled in his dark face, +expressive of all the energy and passion of his powerful and masculine +nature; there seemed to speak from his features and eyes something of +shame and anger and triumph and regret and scorn. All these various +emotions, which it appears almost a paradox to assert met in the same +expression, nevertheless were so individually and almost fearfully +stamped as to convey at once their signification to the mind of +Mauleverer. He glanced towards the letters, in which the writing seemed +faint and discoloured by time or damp; and then once more regarding the +face of Brandon, said in rather an anxious and subdued tone,-- + +"Heavens, Brandon! are you ill; or has anything happened? You alarm me!" + +"Do you recognize these locks?" said Brandon, in a hollow voice; and from +under the letters he drew some ringlets of an auburn hue, and pushed them +with an averted face towards Mauleverer. + +The earl took them up, regarded them for a few moments, changed colour, +but shook his head with a negative gesture, as he laid them once more on +the table. + +"This handwriting, then?" renewed the judge, in a yet more impressive and +painful voice; and he pointed to the letters. + +Mauleverer raised one of them, and held it between his face and the lamp, +so that whatever his features might have betrayed was hidden from his +companion. At length he dropped the letter with an affected nonchalance, +and said,-- + +"Ah, I know the writing even at this distance of time; this letter is +directed to you!" + +"It is; so are all these," said Brandon, with the same voice of +preternatural and strained composure. "They have come back to me after +an absence of nearly twenty-five years; they are the letters she wrote to +me in the days of our courtship" (here Brandon laughed scornfully),--"she +carried them away with her, you know when; and (a pretty clod of +consistency is woman!) she kept them, it seems, to her dying day." + +The subject in discussion, whatever it might be, appeared a sore one to +Mauleverer; he turned uneasily on his chair, and said at length,-- + +"Well, poor creature! these are painful remembrances, since it turned out +so unhappily; but it was not our fault, dear Brandon. We were men of the +world; we knew the value of--of women, and treated them accordingly!" + +"Right! right! right!" cried Brandon, vehemently, laughing in a wild and +loud disdain, the intense force of which it would be in vain to attempt +expressing. "Right! and, faith, my lord, I repine not, nor repent." + +"So, so, that's well!" said Mauleverer, still not at his ease, and +hastening to change the conversation. "But, my dear Brandon, I have +strange news for you! You remember that fellow Clifford, who had the +insolence to address himself to your adorable niece? I told you I +suspected that long friend of his of having made my acquaintance somewhat +unpleasantly, and I therefore doubted of Clifford himself. Well, my dear +friend, this Clifford is--whom do you think?--no other than Mr. Lovett +of Newgate celebrity!" + +"You do not say so!" rejoined Brandon, apathetically, as he slowly +gathered his papers together and deposited them in a drawer. + +"Indeed it is true; and what is more, Brandon, this fellow is one of the +very identical highwaymen who robbed me on my road from Bath. No doubt +he did me the same kind office on my road to Mauleverer Park." + +"Possibly," said Brandon, who appeared absorbed in a revery. + +"Ay!" answered Mauleverer, piqued at this indifference. "But do you not +see the consequences to your niece?" + +"My niece!" repeated Brandon, rousing himself. + +"Certainly. I grieve to say it, my dear friend,--but she was young, very +young, when at Bath. She suffered this fellow to address her too openly. +Nay,--for I will be frank,--she was suspected of being in love with him!" + +"She was in love with him," said Brandon, dryly, and fixing the malignant +coldness of his eye upon the suitor. "And, for aught I know," added he, +"she is so at this moment." + +"You are cruel!" said Mauleverer, disconcerted. "I trust not, for the +sake of my continued addresses." + +"My dear lord," said Brandon, urbanely taking the courtier's hand, while +the _anguis in herba_ of his sneer played around his compressed lips,-- +"my dear lord, we are old friends, and need not deceive each other. You +wish to marry my niece because she is an heiress of great fortune, and +you suppose that my wealth will in all probability swell her own. +Moreover, she is more beautiful than any other young lady of your +acquaintance, and, polished by your example, may do honour to your taste +as well as your prudence. Under these circumstances, you will, I am +quite sure, look with lenity on her girlish errors, and not love her the +less because her foolish fancy persuades her that she is in love with +another." + +"Ahem!" said Mauleverer, "you view the matter with more sense than +sentiment; but look you, Brandon, we must try, for both our sakes, if +possible, to keep the identity of Lovett with Clifford from being known. +I do not see why it should be. No doubt he was on his guard while +playing the gallant, and committed no atrocity at Bath. The name of +Clifford is hitherto perfectly unsullied. No fraud, no violence are +attached to the appellation; and if the rogue will but keep his own +counsel, we may hang him out of the way without the secret transpiring." + +"But if I remember right," said Brandon, "the newspapers say that this +Lovett will be tried some seventy or eighty miles only from Bath, and +that gives a chance of recognition." + +"Ay, but he will be devilishly altered, I imagine; for his wound has +already been but a bad beautifier to his face. Moreover, if the dog has +any delicacy, he will naturally dislike to be known as the gallant of +that gay city where he shone so successfully, and will disguise himself +as well as he is able. I hear wonders of his powers of self- +transformation." + +"But he may commit himself on the point between this and his trial," said +Brandon. + +"I think of ascertaining how far that is likely, by sending my valet down +to him (you know one treats these gentlemen highwaymen with a certain +consideration, and hangs them with all due respect to their feelings), to +hint that it will be doubtless very unpleasant to him, under his 'present +unfortunate circumstances' (is not that the phrase?), to be known as the +gentleman who enjoyed so deserved a popularity at Bath, and that, though +'the laws of my country compel me' to prosecute him, yet, should he +desire it, he may be certain that I will preserve his secret. Come, +Brandon, what say you to that manoeuvre? It will answer my purpose, and +make the gentleman--for doubtless he is all sensibility--shed tears at my +generous forbearance!" + +"It is no bad idea," said Brandon. "I commend you for it. At all +events, it is necessary that my niece should not know the situation of +her lover. She is a girl of a singular turn of mind, and fortune has +made her independent. Who knows but that she might commit some folly or +another, write petitions to the king, and beg me to present them, or go-- +for she has a world of romance in her--to prison, to console him; or, at +all events, she would beg my kind offices on his behalf,--a request +peculiarly awkward, as in all probability I shall have the honour of +trying him." + +"Ay, by the by, so you will. And I fancy the poor rogue's audacity will +not cause you to be less severe than you usually are. They say you +promise to make more human pendulums than any of your brethren." + +"They do say that, do they?" said Brandon. "Well, I own I have a bile +against my species; I loathe their folly and their half vices. 'Ridet et +odit'--["He laughs and hates"]--is my motto; and I allow that it is not +the philosophy that makes men merciful!" + +"Well, Juvenal's wisdom be yours, mine be Horace's!" rejoined Mauleverer, +as he picked his teeth; "but I am glad you see the absolute necessity of +keeping this secret from Lucy's suspicion. She never reads the papers, I +suppose? Girls never do!" + +"No! and I will take care not to have them thrown in her way; and as, in +consequence of my poor brother's recent death, she sees nobody but us, +there is little chance, should Lovett's right to the name of Clifford be +discovered, that it should reach her ears." + +"But those confounded servants?" + +"True enough! But consider that before they know it, the newspapers +will; so that, should it be needful, we shall have our own time to +caution them. I need only say to Lucy's woman, 'A poor gentleman, a +friend of the late squire, whom your mistress used to dance with, and you +must have seen,--Captain Clifford,--is to be tried for his life. It will +shock her, poor thing! in her present state of health, to tell her of so +sad an event to her father's friend; therefore be silent, as you value +your place and ten guineas,'--and I may be tolerably sure of caution!" + +"You ought to be chairman to the Ways and Means Committee!" cried +Mauleverer. "My mind is now easy; and when once poor Clifford is gone,-- +fallen from a high estate,--we may break the matter gently to her; and as +I intend thereon to be very respectful, very delicate, etc., she cannot +but be sensible of my kindness and real affection!" + +"And if a live dog be better than a dead lion," added Brandon, "surely a +lord in existence will be better than a highwayman hanged!" + +"According to ordinary logic," rejoined Mauleverer, "that syllogism is +clear enough; and though I believe a girl may cling now and then to the +memory of a departed lover, I do not think she will when the memory is +allied with shame. Love is nothing more than vanity pleased; wound the +vanity, and you destroy the love! Lucy will be forced, after having made +so bad a choice of a lover, to make a good one in a husband, in order to +recover her self-esteem!" + +"And therefore you are certain of her!" said Brandon, ironically. + +"Thanks to my star,--my garter,--my ancestor, the first baron, and +myself, the first earl,--I hope I am," said Mauleverer; and the +conversation turned. Mauleverer did not stay much longer with the judge; +and Brandon, left alone, recurred once more to the, perusal of his +letters. + +We scarcely know what sensations it would have occasioned in one who had +known Brandon only in his later years, could he have read those letters +referring to so much earlier a date. There was in the keen and arid +character of the man so little that recalled any idea of courtship or +youthful gallantry that a correspondence of that nature would have +appeared almost as unnatural as the loves of plants, or the amatory +softenings of a mineral. The correspondence now before Brandon was +descriptive of various feelings, but all appertaining to the same class; +most of them were apparent answers to letters from him. One while they +replied tenderly to expressions of tenderness, but intimated a doubt +whether the writer would be able to constitute his future happiness, and +atone for certain sacrifices of birth and fortune and ambitious +prospects, to which she alluded: at other times, a vein of latent +coquetry seemed to pervade the style,--an indescribable air of coolness +and reserve contrasted former passages in the correspondence, and was +calculated to convey to the reader an impression that the feelings of the +lover were not altogether adequately returned. Frequently the writer, as +if Brandon had expressed himself sensible of this conviction, reproached +him for unjust jealousy and unworthy suspicion. And the tone of the +reproach varied in each letter; sometimes it was gay and satirizing; at +others soft and expostulatory; at others gravely reasoning, and often +haughtily indignant. Still, throughout the whole correspondence, on the +part of the mistress, there was a sufficient stamp of individuality to +give a shrewd examiner some probable guess at the writer's character. He +would have judged her, perhaps, capable of strong and ardent feeling, but +ordinarily of a light and capricious turn, and seemingly prope to imagine +and to resent offence. With these letters were mingled others in +Brandon's writing,--of how different, of how impassioned a description! +All that a deep, proud, meditative, exacting character could dream of +love given, or require of love returned, was poured burningly over the +pages; yet they were full of reproach, of jealousy, of a nice and +torturing observation, as calculated to wound as the ardour might be +fitted to charm; and often the bitter tendency to disdain that +distinguished his temperament broke through the fondest enthusiasm of +courtship or the softest outpourings of love. + + "You saw me not yesterday," he wrote in one letter, "but I saw you; + all day I was by you: you gave not a look which passed me unnoticed; + you made not a movement which I did not chronicle in my memory. + Julia, do you tremble when I tell you this? Yes, if you have a + heart, I know these words would stab it to the core! You may affect + to answer me indignantly! Wise dissembler! it is very skilful, + very, to assume anger when you have no reply. I repeat during the + whole of that party of pleasure (pleasure! well, your tastes, it + must be acknowledged, are exquisite!) which you enjoyed yesterday, + and which you so faintly asked me to share, my eye was on you. You + did not know that I was in the wood when you took the grin of the + incomparable Digby, with so pretty a semblance of alarm at the + moment the snake which my foot disturbed glided across your path. + You did not know I was within hearing of the tent where you made so + agreeable a repast, and from which your laughter sent peals so many + and so numerous. Laughter! O Julia, can you tell me that you love, + and yet be happy, even to mirth, when I am away! Love! O God, how + different a sensation is mine! Mine makes my whole principle of + life! Yours! I tell you that I think at moments I would rather + have your hate than the lukewarm sentiment you bear to me, and + honour by the name of affection.' Pretty phrase! I have no + affection for you! Give me not that sickly word; but try with me, + Julia, to invent some expression that has never filtered a paltry + meaning through the lips of another! Affection! why, that is a + sister's word, a girl's word to her pet squirrel! Never was it made + for that ruby and most ripe mouth! Shall I come to your house this + evening? Your mother has asked me, and you--you heard her, and said + nothing. Oh! but that was maiden reserve, was it? and maiden + reserve caused you to take up a book the moment I left you, as if my + company made but an ordinary amusement instantly to be replaced by + another! When I have seen you, society, books, food, all are + hateful to me; but you, sweet Julia, you can read, can you? Why, + when I left you, I lingered by the parlour window for hours, till + dusk, and you never once lifted your eyes, nor saw me pass and + repass. At least I thought you would have watched my steps when I + left the house; but I err, charming moralist! According to you, + that vigilance would have been meanness." + +In another part of the correspondence a more grave if not a deeper gush +of feeling struggled for expression. + + "You say, Julia, that were you to marry one who thinks so much of + what he surrenders for you, and who requires from yourself so vast a + return of love, you should tremble for the future happiness of both + of us. Julia, the triteness of that fear proves that you love not + at all. I do not tremble for our future happiness; on the contrary, + the intensity of my passion for you makes me know that we never can + be happy, never beyond the first rapture of our union. Happiness is + a quiet and tranquil feeling. No feeling that I can possibly bear + to you will ever receive those epithets,--I know that I shall be + wretched and accursed when I am united to you. Start not! I will + presently tell you why. But I do not dream of happiness, neither + (could you fathom one drop of the dark and limitless ocean of my + emotions) would you name to me that word. It is not the mercantile + and callous calculation of chances for 'future felicity' (what + homily supplied you with so choice a term?) that enters into the + heart that cherishes an all-pervading love. Passion looks only to + one object, to nothing beyond; I thirst, I consume, not for + happiness, but you. Were your possession inevitably to lead me to a + gulf of anguish and shame, think you I should covet it one jot the + less! If you carry one thought, one hope, one dim fancy, beyond the + event that makes you mine, you may be more worthy of the esteem of + others, but you are utterly undeserving of my love. + + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + + "I will tell you now why I know we cannot be happy. In the first + place, when you say that I am proud of birth, that I am morbidly + ambitious, that I am anxious to shine in the great world, and that + after the first intoxication of love has passed away I shall feel + bitterness against one who has so humbled my pride and darkened my + prospects, I am not sure that you wholly err. But I am sure that + the instant remedy is in your power. Have you patience, Julia, to + listen to a kind Of history of myself, or rather of my feelings? If + so, perhaps it may be the best method of explaining all that I would + convey. You will see, then, that my family pride and my worldly + ambition are not founded altogether on those basements which move my + laughter in another; if my feelings thereon are really, however, as + you would insinuate, equal matter for derision, behold, my Julia, I + can laugh equally at them! So pleasant a thing to me is scorn, that + I would rather despise myself than have no one to despise! But to + my narrative! You must know that there are but two of us, sons of a + country squire, of old family, which once possessed large + possessions and something of historical renown. We lived in an old + country-place; my father was a convivial dog, a fox-hunter, a + drunkard, yet in his way a fine gentleman,--and a very disreputable + member of society. The first feelings towards him that I can + remember were those of shame. Not much matter of family pride here, + you will say! True, and that is exactly the reason which made me + cherish family pride elsewhere. My father's house was filled with + guests,--some high and some low; they all united in ridicule of the + host. I soon detected the laughter, and you may imagine that it did + not please me. Meanwhile the old huntsman, whose family was about + as ancient as ours, and whose ancestors had officiated in his + capacity for the ancestors of his master time out of mind, told me + story after story about the Brandons of yore. I turned from the + stories to more legitimate history, and found the legends were + tolerably true. I learned to glow at this discovery; the pride, + humbled when I remembered my sire, revived when I remembered my + ancestors. I became resolved to emulate them, to restore a sunken + name, and vowed a world of nonsense on the subject. The habit of + brooding over these ideas grew on me. I never heard a jest broken + on my paternal guardian, I never caught the maudlin look of his + reeling eyes, nor listened to some exquisite inanity from his + besotted lips, but that my thoughts flew instantly back to the Sir + Charleses and the Sir Roberts of my race, and I comforted myself + with the hope that the present degeneracy should pass away. Hence, + Julia, my family pride; hence, too, another feeling you dislike in + me,--disdain! I first learned to despise my father, the host, and I + then despised my acquaintances, his guests; for I saw, while they + laughed at him, that they flattered, and that their merriment was + not the only thing suffered to feed at his expense. Thus contempt + grew up with me, and I had nothing to check it; for when I looked + around I saw not one living thing that I could respect. This father + of mine had the sense to think I was no idiot. He was proud (poor + man!) of 'my talents,' namely, of prizes won at school, and + congratulatory letters from my masters. He sent me to college. + My mind took a leap there; I will tell you, prettiest, what it was! + Before I went thither I had some fine vague visions about virtue. + I thought to revive my ancestral honours by being good; in short, I + was an embryo King Pepin. I awoke from this dream at the + University. There, for the first time, I perceived the real + consequence of rank. + + "At school, you know, Julia, boys care nothing for a lord. A good + cricketer, an excellent fellow, is worth all the earls in the + peerage. But at college all that ceases; bats and balls sink into + the nothingness in which corals and bells had sunk before. One + grows manly, and worships coronets and carriages. I saw it was a + fine thing to get a prize, but it was ten times a finer thing to get + drunk with a peer. So, when I had done the first, my resolve to be + worthy of my sires made me do the second,--not, indeed, exactly; I + never got drunk: my father disgusted me with that vice betimes. To + his gluttony I owe my vegetable diet, and to his inebriety my + addiction to water. No, I did not get drunk with peers; but I was + just as agreeable to them as if I had been equally embruted. I knew + intimately all the 'Hats' in the University, and I was henceforth + looked up to by the 'Caps,' as if my head had gained the height of + every hat that I knew. + + [At Cambridge the sons of noblemen and the eldest sons of + baronets are allowed to wear hats instead of the academical + cap.] + + But I did not do this immediately. I must tell you two little + anecdotes that first initiated me into the secret of real greatness. + + "The first was this: I was sitting at dinner with some fellows of a + college, grave men and clever. Two of them, not knowing me, were + conversing about me; they heard, they said, that I should never be + so good a fellow as my father,--have such a cellar or keep such a + house. 'I have met six earls there and a marquess,' quoth the other + senior. 'And his son,' returned the first don, 'only keeps company + with sizars, I believe.' 'So then,' said I to myself, 'to deserve + the praise even of clever men, one must have good wines, know plenty + of earls, and for swear sizars.' Nothing could be truer than my + conclusion. + + "Anecdote the second is this: On the day I gained a high university + prize I invited my friends to dine with me. Four of them refused + because they were engaged (they had been asked since I asked them), + --to whom? the richest man at the University. These occurrences, + happening at the same time, threw me into a profound revery. I + awoke, and became a man of the world. I no longer resolved to be + virtuous, and to hunt after the glory of your Romans and your + Athenians,--I resolved to become rich, powerful, and of worldly + repute. + + "I abjured my honest sizars, and as I said before, I courted some + rich 'Hats.' Behold my first grand step in the world! I became the + parasite and the flatterer. What! would my pride suffer this? + Verily, yes, my pride delighted in it; for it soothed my spirit of + contempt to put these fine fellows to my use! It soothed me to see + how easily I could cajole them, and to what a variety of purposes I + could apply even the wearisome disgust of their acquaintance. + Nothing is so foolish as to say the idle great are of no use; they + can be put to any use whatsoever that a wise man is inclined to make + of them. Well, Julia, lo! my character already formed; the family + pride, disdain, and worldly ambition,--there it is for you. After + circumstances only strengthened the impression already made. I + desired, on leaving college, to go abroad; my father had no money to + give me. What signified that? I looked carelessly around for some + wealthier convenience than the paternal board; I found it in a Lord + Mauleverer. He had been at college with me, and I endured him + easily as a companion,--for he had accomplishments, wit, and good- + nature. I made him wish to go abroad, and I made him think he + should die of ennui if I did not accompany him. To his request to + that effect I reluctantly agreed, and saw everything in Europe, + which he neglected to see, at his expense. What amused me the most + was the perception that I, the parasite, was respected by him; and + he, the patron, was ridiculed by me! It would not have been so if I + had depended on 'my virtue.' Well, sweetest Julia, the world, as I + have said, gave to my college experience a sacred authority. I + returned to England; and my father died, leaving to me not a + sixpence, and to my brother an estate so mortgaged that he could not + enjoy it, and so restricted that he could not sell it. It was now + the time for me to profit by the experience I boasted of. I saw + that it was necessary I should take some profession. Professions + are the masks to your pauper-rogue; they give respectability to + cheating, and a diploma to feed upon others. I analyzed my talents, + and looked to the customs of my country; the result was my + resolution to take to the Bar. I had an inexhaustible power of + application; I was keen, shrewd, and audacious. All these qualities + 'tell' at the courts of justice. I kept my legitimate number of + terms; I was called; I went the circuit; I obtained not a brief,-- + not a brief, Julia! My health, never robust, gave way beneath study + and irritation. I was ordered to betake myself to the country. I + came to this village, as one both salubrious and obscure. I lodged + in the house of your aunt; you came hither daily,--I saw you,--you + know the rest. But where, all this time, were my noble friends? + you will say. 'Sdeath, since we had left college, they had learned + a little of the wisdom I had then possessed; they were not disposed + to give something for nothing; they had younger brothers, and + cousins, and mistresses, and, for aught I know, children to provide + for. Besides, they had their own expenses; the richer a man is, the + less he has to give. One of them would have bestowed on me a + living, if I had gone into the Church; another, a commission if I + had joined his regiment. But I knew the day was past both for + priest and soldier; and it was not merely to live, no, nor to live + comfortably, but to enjoy power, that I desired; so I declined these + offers. Others of my friends would have been delighted to have kept + me in their house, feasted me, joked with me, rode with me, nothing + more! But I had already the sense to see that if a man dances + himself into distinction, it is never by the steps of attendance. + One must receive favours and court patronage, but it must be with + the air of an independent man. My old friends thus rendered + useless, my legal studies forbade me to make new, nay, they even + estranged me from the old; for people may say what they please about + a similarity of opinions being necessary to friendship,--a + similarity of habits is much more so. It is the man you dine, + breakfast, and lodge with, walk, ride, gamble, or thieve with, that + is your friend; not the man who likes Virgil as well as you do, and + agrees with you in an admiration of Handel. Meanwhile my chief + prey, Lord Mauleverer, was gone; he had taken another man's + Dulcinea, and sought out a bower in Italy. From that time to this I + have never heard of him nor seen him; I know not even his address. + With the exception of a few stray gleanings from my brother, who, + good easy man! I could plunder more, were I not resolved not to + ruin the family stock, I have been thrown on myself; the result is + that, though as clever as my fellows, I have narrowly shunned + starvation,--had my wants been less simple, there would have been no + shunning in the case; but a man is not easily starved who drinks + water, and eats by the ounce. A more effectual fate might have + befallen me. Disappointment, wrath, baffled hope, mortified pride, + all these, which gnawed at my heart, might have consumed it long + ago; I might have fretted away as a garment which the moth eateth, + had it not been for that fund of obstinate and iron hardness which + nature--I beg pardon, there is no nature--circumstance bestowed upon + me. This has borne me up, and will bear me yet through time and + shame and bodily weakness and mental fever, until my ambition has + won a certain height, and my disdain of human pettiness rioted in + the external sources of fortune, as well as an inward fountain of + bitter and self-fed consolation. Yet, oh, Julia! I know not if + even this would have supported me, if at that epoch of life, when I + was most wounded, most stricken in body, most soured in mind, my + heart had not met and fastened itself to yours. I saw you, loved + you; and life became to me a new object. Even now, as I write to + you, all my bitterness, my pride, vanish; everything I have longed + for disappears; my very ambition is gone. I have no hope but for + you, Julia; beautiful, adored Julia! when I love you, I love even my + kind. Oh, you know not the power you possess over me! Do not + betray it; you can yet make me all that my boyhood once dreamed, or + you can harden every thought, feeling, sensation, into stone. + + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + + "I was to tell you why I look not for happiness in our union. You + have now seen my nature. You have traced the history of my life, by + tracing the history of my character. You see what I surrender in + gaining you. I do not deny the sacrifice. I surrender the very + essentials of my present mind and soul. I cease to be worldly. I + cannot raise myself, I cannot revive my ancestral name; nay, I shall + relinquish it forever. I shall adopt a disguised appellation. I + shall sink into another grade of life. In some remote village, by + means of some humbler profession than that I now follow, we must + earn our subsistence, and smile at ambition. I tell you frankly, + Julia, when I close the eyes of my heart, when I shut you from my + gaze, this sacrifice appalls me. But even then you force yourself + before me, and I feel that one glance from your eye is more to me + than all. If you could bear with me,--if you could soothe me,--if + when a cloud is on me you could suffer it to pass away unnoticed, + and smile on me the moment it is gone,--O Julia! there would be then + no extreme of poverty, no abasement of fortune, no abandonment of + early dreams which would not seem to me rapture if coupled with the + bliss of knowing that you are mine. Never should my lip, never + should my eye tell you that there is that thing on earth for which I + repine or which I could desire. No, Julia, could I flatter my heart + with this hope, you would not find me dream of unhappiness and you + united. But I tremble, Julia, when I think of your temper and my + own; you will conceive a gloomy look from one never mirthful is an + insult, and you will feel every vent of passion on Fortune or on + others as a reproach to you. Then, too, you cannot enter into my + nature; you cannot descend into its caverns; you cannot behold, much + less can you deign to lull, the exacting and lynx-eyed jealousy that + dwells there. Sweetest Julia! every breath of yours, every touch of + yours, every look of yours, I yearn for beyond all a mother's + longing for the child that has been torn from her for years. Your + head leaned upon an old tree (do you remember it, near ------?), and + I went every day, after seeing you, to kiss it. Do you wonder that + I am jealous? How can I love you as I do and be otherwise! My + whole being is intoxicated with you! + + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + + "This then, your pride and mine, your pleasure in the admiration of + others, your lightness, Julia, make me foresee an eternal and + gushing source of torture to my mind. I care not; I care for + nothing so that you are mine, if but for one hour." + + +It seems that, despite the strange, sometimes the unloverlike and +fiercely selfish nature of these letters from Brandon, something of a +genuine tone of passion,--perhaps their originality,--aided, no doubt, +by some uttered eloquence of the writer and some treacherous inclination +on the part of the mistress, ultimately conquered; and that a union so +little likely to receive the smile of a prosperous star was at length +concluded. The letter which terminated the correspondence was from +Brandon: it was written on the evening before the marriage, which, it +appeared by the same letter, was to be private and concealed. After a, +rapturous burst of hope and joy, it continued thus:-- + + "Yes, Julia, I recant my words; I have no belief that you or I shall + ever have cause hereafter for unhappiness. Those eyes that dwelt so + tenderly on mine; that hand whose pressure lingers yet in every + nerve of my frame; those lips turned so coyly, yet, shall I say, + reluctantly from me,--all tell me that you love me; and my fears are + banished. Love, which conquered my nature, will conquer the only + thing I would desire to see altered in yours. Nothing could ever + make me adore you less, though you affect to dread it,--nothing but + a knowledge that you are unworthy of me, that you have a thought for + another; then I should not hate you. No; the privilege of my past + existence would revive; I should revel in a luxury of contempt, I + should despise you, I should mock you, and I should be once more + what I was before I knew you. But why do I talk thus? My bride, + my blessing, forgive me!" + +In concluding our extracts from this correspondence, we wish the reader +to note, first, that the love professed by Brandon seems of that vehement +and corporeal nature which, while it is often the least durable, is often +the most susceptible of the fiercest extremes of hatred or even of +disgust; secondly, that the character opened by this sarcastic candour +evidently required in a mistress either an utter devotion or a skilful +address; and thirdly, that we have hinted at such qualities in the fair +correspondent as did not seem sanguinely to promise either of these +essentials. + +While with a curled yet often with a quivering lip the austere and +sarcastic Brandon slowly compelled himself to the task of proceeding +through these monuments of former folly and youthful emotion, the further +elucidation of those events, now rapidly urging on a fatal and dread +catastrophe, spreads before us a narrative occurring many years prior to +the time at which we are at present arrived. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII. + + Clem. Lift the dark veil of years! Behind, what waits? + A human heart. Vast city, where reside + All glories and all vilenesses; while foul, + Yet silent, through the roar of passions rolls + The river of the Darling Sin, and bears + A life and yet a poison on its tide. + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + Clem. Thy wife? + + Vict. Avaunt! I've changed that word to "scorn"! + + Clem. Thy child? + + Vict. Ay, that strikes home,--my child, my child! + + Love and Hatred, by -------- + +To an obscure town in shire there came to reside a young couple, whose +appearance and habits drew towards them from the neighbouring gossips a +more than ordinary attention. They bore the name of Welford. The man +assumed the profession of a solicitor. He came without introduction or +recommendation; his manner of life bespoke poverty; his address was +reserved and even sour; and despite the notice and scrutiny with which he +was regarded, he gained no clients and made no lawsuits. The want of all +those decent charlatanisms which men of every profession are almost +necessitated to employ, and the sudden and unushered nature of his coming +were, perhaps, the cause of this ill-success. "His house was too small," +people said, "for respectability." And little good could be got from a +solicitor the very rails round whose door were so sadly in want of +repainting! Then, too, Mrs. Welford made a vast number of enemies. She +was, beyond all expression, beautiful; and there was a certain coquetry +in her manner which showed she was aware of her attractions. All the +ladies of ------- hated her. A few people called on the young couple. +Welford received them coldly; their invitations were unaccepted, and, +what was worse, they were never returned. The devil himself could not +have supported an attorney under such circumstances. Reserved, shabby, +poor, rude, introductionless, a bad house, an unpainted railing, and a +beautiful wife! Nevertheless, though Welford was not employed, he was, +as we have said, watched. On their first arrival, which was in summer, +the young pair were often seen walking together in the fields or groves +which surrounded their home. Sometimes they walked affectionately +together, and it was observed with what care Welford adjusted his wife's +cloak or shawl around her slender shape, as the cool of the evening +increased. But often his arm was withdrawn; he lingered behind, and they +continued their walk or returned homeward in silence and apart. By +degrees whispers circulated throughout the town that the new-married +couple lived by no means happily. The men laid the fault on the stern- +looking husband; the women, on the minx of a wife. However, the solitary +servant whom they kept declared that though Mr. Welford did sometimes +frown, and Mrs. Welford did sometimes weep, they were extremely attached +to each other, and only quarrelled through love. The maid had had four +lovers herself, and was possibly experienced in such matters. They +received no visitors, near or from a distance; and the postman declared +he had never seen a letter directed to either. Thus a kind of mystery +hung over the pair, and made them still more gazed on and still more +disliked--which is saying a great deal--than they would have otherwise +been. Poor as Welford was, his air and walk eminently bespoke what +common persons term gentility. And in this he had greatly the advantage +of his beautiful wife, who, though there was certainly nothing vulgar or +plebeian in her aspect, altogether wanted the refinement of manner, look, +and phrase which characterized Welford. For about two years they lived +in this manner, and so frugally and tranquilly that though Welford had +not any visible means of subsistence, no one could well wonder in what +manner they did subsist. About the end of that time Welford suddenly +embarked a small sum in a county speculation. In the course of this +adventure, to the great surprise of his neighbours, he evinced an +extraordinary turn for calculation, and his habits plainly bespoke a man +both of business and ability. This disposal of capital brought a +sufficient return to support the Welfords, if they had been so disposed, +in rather a better style than heretofore. They remained, however, in +much the same state; and the only difference that the event produced was +the retirement of Mr. Welford from the profession he had embraced. He +was no longer a solicitor! It must be allowed that he resigned no great +advantages in this retirement. About this time some officers were +quartered at ------; and one of them, a handsome lieutenant, was so +struck with the charms of Mrs. Welford, whom he saw at church, that he +lost no opportunity of testifying his admiration. It was maliciously yet +not unfoundedly remarked that though no absolute impropriety could be +detected in the manner of Mrs. Welford, she certainly seemed far from +displeased with the evident homage of the young lieutenant. A blush +tinged her cheek when she saw him; and the gallant coxcomb asserted that +the blush was not always without a smile. Emboldened by the +interpretations of his vanity, and contrasting, as every one else did, +his own animated face and glittering garb with the ascetic and gloomy +countenance, the unstudied dress, and austere gait which destroyed in +Welford the effect of a really handsome person, our lieutenant thought +fit to express his passion by a letter, which he conveyed to Mrs. +Welford's pew. Mrs. Welford went not to church that day; the letter was +found by a good-natured neighbour, and inclosed anonymously to the +husband. + +Whatever, in the secrecy of domestic intercourse, took place on this +event was necessarily unknown; but the next Sunday the face of Mr. +Welford, which had never before appeared at church, was discerned by one +vigilant neighbour,--probably the anonymous friend,--not in the same pew +with his wife, but in a remote corner of the sacred house. And once, +when the lieutenant was watching to read in Mrs. Welford's face some +answer to his epistle, the same obliging inspector declared that +Welford's countenance assumed a sardonic and withering sneer that made +his very blood to creep. However this be, the lieutenant left his +quarters, and Mrs. Welford's reputation remained dissatisfactorily +untarnished. Shortly after this the county speculation failed, and it +was understood that the Welfords were about to leave the town, whither +none knew,--some said to jail; but then, unhappily, no debts could be +discovered. Their bills had been "next to nothing;" but, at least, they +had been regularly paid. However, before the rumoured emigration took +place, a circumstance equally wonderful to the good people of occurred. +One bright spring morning a party of pleasure from a great house in the +vicinity passed through that town. Most conspicuous of these was a young +horseman, richly dressed, and of a remarkably showy and handsome +appearance. Not a little sensible of the sensation he created, this +cavalier lingered behind his companions in order to eye more deliberately +certain damsels stationed in a window, and who were quite ready to return +his glances with interest. At this moment the horse, which was fretting +itself fiercely against the rein that restrained it from its fellows, +took a fright at a knife-grinder, started violently to one side, and the +graceful cavalier, who had been thinking, not of the attitude best +adapted to preserve his equilibrium, but to display his figure, was +thrown with some force upon a heap of bricks and rubbish which had long, +to the scandal of the neighbourhood, stood before the paintless railings +around Mr. Welford's house. Welford himself came out at the time, and +felt compelled--for he was by no means one whose sympathetic emotions +flowed easily--to give a glance to the condition of a man who lay +motionless before his very door. The horseman quickly recovered his +senses, but found himself unable to rise; one of his legs was broken. +Supported in the arms of his groom, he looked around, and his eye met +Welford's. An instant recognition gave life to the face of the former, +and threw a dark blush over the sullen features of the latter. + +"Heavens!" said the cavalier, "is that--" + +"Hist, my lord!" cried Welford, quickly interrupting him, and glancing +round. "But you are hurt,--will you enter my house?" + +The horseman signified his assent, and, between the groom and Welford, +was borne within the shabby door of the ex-solicitor. The groom was then +despatched with an excuse to the party, many of whom were already +hastening around the house; and though one or two did force themselves +across the inhospitable threshold, yet so soon as they had uttered a few +expletives, and felt their stare sink beneath the sullen and chilling +asperity of the host, they satisfied themselves that though it was d---d +unlucky for their friend, yet they could do nothing for him at present; +and promising to send to inquire after him the next day, they remounted +and rode homeward, with an eye more attentive than usual to the motion of +their steeds. They did not, however, depart till the surgeon of the town +had made his appearance, and declared that the patient must not on any +account be moved. A lord's leg was a windfall that did not happen every +day to the surgeon of -------. All this while we may imagine the state +of anxiety experienced in the town, and the agonized endurance of those +rural nerves which are produced in scanty populations, and have so +_Taliacotian_ a sympathy with the affairs of other people. One day, two +days, three days, a week, a fortnight, nay, a month, passed, and the lord +was still the inmate of Mr. Welford's abode. Leaving the gossips to feed +on their curiosity,--"cannibals of their own hearts,"--we must give a +glance towards the interior of the inhospitable mansion of the +ex-solicitor. + +It was towards evening, the sufferer was supported on a sofa, and the +beautiful Mrs. Welford, who had officiated as his nurse, was placing the +pillow under the shattered limb. He himself was attempting to seize her +hand, which she coyly drew back, and uttering things sweeter and more +polished than she had ever listened to before. At this moment Welford +softly entered; he was unnoticed by either; and he stood at the door +contemplating them with a smile of calm and self-hugging derision. The +face of Mephistopheles regarding Margaret and Faust might suggest some +idea of the picture we design to paint; but the countenance of Welford +was more lofty, as well as comelier, in character, though not less +malignant in expression, than that which the incomparable Retsch has +given to the mocking fiend. So utter, so congratulatory, so lordly was +the contempt on Welford's dark and striking features, that though he was +in that situation in which ridicule usually attaches itself to the +husband, it was the gallant and the wife that would have appeared to the +beholder in a humiliating and unenviable light. + +After a momentary pause Welford approached with a heavy step. The wife +started; but with a bland and smooth expression, which since his sojourn +in the town of had been rarely visible in his aspect, the host joined the +pair, smiled on the nurse, and congratulated the patient on his progress +towards recovery. The nobleman, well learned in the usages of the world, +replied easily and gayly; and the conversation flowed on cheerfully +enough till the wife, who had sat abstracted and apart, stealing ever and +anon timid glances towards her husband and looks of a softer meaning +towards the patient, retired from the room. Welford then gave a turn to +the conversation; he reminded the nobleman of the pleasant days they had +passed in Italy,--of the adventures they had shared, and the intrigues +they had enjoyed. As the conversation warmed, it assumed a more free and +licentious turn; and not a little, we ween, would the good folks of ----- +have been amazed, could they have listened to the gay jests and the +libertine maxims which flowed from the thin lips of that cold and severe +Welford, whose countenance gave the lie to mirth. Of women in general +they spoke with that lively contempt which is the customary tone with men +of the world; only in Welford it assumed a bitterer, a deeper, and a more +philosophical cast than it did in his more animated yet less energetic +guest. + +The nobleman seemed charmed with his friend; the conversation was just to +his taste; and when Welford had supported him up to bed, he shook that +person cordially by the hand, and hoped he should soon see him in very +different circumstances. When the peer's door was closed on Welford, +he stood motionless for some moments; he then with a soft step ascended +to his own chamber. His wife slept soundly; beside the bed was the +infant's cradle. As his eyes fell on the latter, the rigid irony, now +habitual to his features, relaxed; he bent over the cradle long and in +deep silence. The mother's face, blended with the sire's, was stamped on +the sleeping and cherub countenance before him; and as at length, rousing +from his revery, he kissed it gently, he murmured,-- + +"When I look on you I will believe that she once loved me. Pah!" he said +abruptly, and rising, "this fatherly sentiment for a -----'s offering is +exquisite in me!" So saying, without glancing towards his wife, who, +disturbed by the loudness of his last words, stirred uneasily, he left +the room, and descended into that where he had conversed with his guest. +He shut the door with caution, and striding to and fro the humble +apartment, gave vent to thoughts marshalled somewhat in the broken array +in which they now appear to the reader:-- + +"Ay, ay, she has been my ruin! and if I were one of your weak fools who +make a gospel of the silliest and most mawkish follies of this social +state, she would now be my disgrace; but instead of my disgrace, I will +make her my footstool to honour and wealth. And, then, to the devil with +the footstool! Yes! two years I have borne what was enough to turn my +whole blood into gall,--inactivity, hopelessness, a wasted heart and life +in myself; contumely from the world; coldness, bickering, ingratitude +from the one for whom (oh, ass that I was!) I gave up the most cherished +part of my nature,--rather, my nature itself! Two years I have borne +this, and now will I have my revenge. I will sell her,--sell her! God! +I will sell her like the commonest beast of a market! And this paltry +piece of false coin shall buy me--my world! Other men's vengeance comes +from hatred,--a base, rash, unphilosophical sentiment! mine comes from +scorn,--the only wise state for the reason to rest in. Other men's +vengeance ruins themselves; mine shall save me! Ha! how my soul chuckles +when I look at this pitiful pair, who think I see them not, and know that +every movement they make is on a mesh of my web! Yet," and Welford +paused slowly,--"yet I cannot but mock myself when I think of the arch +gull that this boy's madness, love,--love, indeed! the very word turns me +sick with loathing,--made of me. Had that woman, silly, weak, automatal +as she is, really loved me; had she been sensible of the unspeakable +sacrifice I had made to her (Antony's was nothing to it,--he lost a real +world only; mine was the world of imagination); had she but condescended +to learn my nature, to subdue the woman's devil at her own,--I could have +lived on in this babbling hermitage forever, and fancied myself happy and +resigned,--I could have become a different being. I fancy I could have +become what your moralists (quacks!) call 'good.' But this fretting +frivolity of heart, this lust of fool's praise, this peevishness of +temper, this sullenness in answer to the moody thought, which in me she +neither fathomed nor forgave, this vulgar, daily, hourly pining at the +paltry pinches of the body's poverty, the domestic whine, the household +complaint,--when I--I have not a thought for such pitiful trials of +affection; and all this while my curses, my buried hope and disguised +spirit and sunken name not thought of; the magnitude of my surrender to +her not even comprehended; nay, her 'inconveniences'--a dim hearth, I +suppose, or a daintiless table--compared, ay, absolutely compared, with +all which I abandoned for her sake! As if it were not enough,--had I +been a fool, an ambitionless, soulless fool,-the mere thought that I had +linked my name to that of a tradesman,--I beg pardon, a retired +tradesman!--as if that knowledge--a knowledge I would strangle my whole +race, every one who has ever met, seen me, rather than they should +penetrate--were not enough, when she talks of 'comparing,' to make me +gnaw the very flesh from my bones! No, no, no! Never was there so +bright a turn in my fate as when this titled coxcomb, with his smooth +voice and gaudy fripperies, came hither! I will make her a tool to carve +my escape from this cavern wherein she has plunged me. I will foment 'my +lord's' passion, till 'my lord' thinks 'the passion' (a butterfly's +passion!) worth any price. I will then make my own terms, bind 'my lord' +to secrecy, and get rid of my wife, my shame, and the obscurity of Mr. +Welford forever. Bright, bright prospects! let me shut my eyes to enjoy +you! But softly! my noble friend calls himself a man of the world, +skilled in human nature, and a derider of its prejudices; true enough, in +his own little way--thanks not to enlarged views, but a vicious +experience--so he is! The book of the world is a vast miscellany; he is +perfectly well acquainted, doubtless, with those pages that treat of the +fashions,--profoundly versed, I warrant, in the 'Magasin des Modes' +tacked to the end of the index. But shall I, even with all the +mastership which my mind must exercise over his,--shall I be able utterly +to free myself in this 'peer of the world's' mind from a degrading +remembrance? Cuckold! cuckold! 't is an ugly word; a convenient, +willing cuckold, humph!--there is no grandeur, no philosophical varnish +in the phrase. Let me see--yes! I have a remedy for all that. I was +married privately,--well! under disguised names,--well! It was a stolen +marriage, far from her town,--well! witnesses unknown to her,--well! +proofs easily secured to my possession,--excellent! The fool shall +believe it a forged marriage, an ingenious gallantry of mine; I will wash +out the stain cuckold with the water of another word; I will make market +of a mistress, not a wife. I will warn him not to acquaint her with this +secret; let me consider for what reason,--oh! my son's legitimacy may be +convenient to me hereafter. He will understand that reason, and I will +have his 'honour' thereon. And by the way, I do care for that +legitimacy, and will guard the proofs. I love my child,--ambitious men +do love their children. I may become a lord myself, and may wish for a +lord to succeed me; and that son is mine, thank Heaven! I am sure on +that point,--the only child, too, that ever shall arise to me. Never, I +swear, will I again put myself beyond my own power! All my nature, save +one passion, I have hitherto mastered; that passion shall henceforth be +my slave, my only thought be ambition, my only mistress be the world!" + +As thus terminated the revery of a man whom the social circumstances of +the world were calculated, as if by system, to render eminently and +basely wicked, Welford slowly ascended the stairs, and re-entered his +chamber. His wife was still sleeping. Her beauty was of the fair and +girlish and harmonized order, which lovers and poets would express by the +word "angelic;" and as Welford looked upon her face, hushed and almost +hallowed by slumber, a certain weakness and irresolution might have been +discernible in the strong lines of his haughty features. At that moment, +as if forever to destroy the return of hope or virtue to either, her lips +moved, they uttered one word,--it was the name of Welford's courtly +guest. + +About three weeks from that evening Mrs. Welford eloped with the young +nobleman, and on the morning following that event the distracted husband +with his child disappeared forever from the town of -----. From that day +no tidings whatsoever respecting him ever reached the titillated ears of +his anxious neighbours; and doubt, curiosity, discussion, gradually +settled into the belief that his despair had hurried him into suicide. + +Although the unfortunate Mrs. Welford was in reality of a light and +frivolous turn, and, above all, susceptible to personal vanity, she was +not without ardent affections and keen sensibilities. Her marriage had +been one of love,--that is to say, on her part, the ordinary love of +girls, who love not through actual and natural feeling so much as forced +predisposition. Her choice had fallen on one superior to herself in +birth, and far above all, in person and address, whom she had habitually +met. Thus her vanity had assisted her affection, and something strange +and eccentric in the temper and mind of Welford had, though at times it +aroused her fear, greatly contributed to inflame her imagination. Then, +too, though an uncourtly, he had been a passionate and a romantic lover. +She was sensible that he gave up for her much that he had previously +conceived necessary to his existence; and she stopped not to inquire how +far this devotion was likely to last, or what conduct on her part might +best perpetuate the feelings from which it sprang. She had eloped with +him. She had consented to a private marriage. She had passed one happy +month, and then delusion vanished! Mrs. Welford was not a woman who +could give to reality, or find in it, the charm equal to delusion. She +was perfectly unable to comprehend the intricate and dangerous character +of her husband. + +She had not the key to his virtues, nor the spell for his vices. Neither +was the state to which poverty compelled them one well calculated for +that tender meditation, heightened by absence and cherished in indolence, +which so often supplies one who loves with the secret to the nature of +the one beloved. Though not equal to her husband in birth or early +prospects, Mrs. Welford had been accustomed to certain comforts, often +more felt by those who belong to the inferior classes than by those +appertaining to the more elevated, who in losing one luxury will often +cheerfully surrender all. A fine lady can submit to more hardships than +her woman; and every gentleman who travels smiles at the privations which +agonize his valet. Poverty and its grim comrades made way for a whole +host of petty irritations and peevish complaints; and as no guest or +visitor ever relieved the domestic discontent, or broke on the domestic +bickering, they generally ended in that moody sullenness which so often +finds love a grave in repentance. Nothing makes people tire of each +other like a familiarity that admits of carelessness in quarrelling and +coarseness in complaining. The biting sneer of Welford gave acrimony to +the murmur of his wife; and when once each conceived the other the +injurer, or him or herself the wronged, it was vain to hope that one +would be more wary, or the other more indulgent. They both exacted too +much, and the wife in especial conceded too little. Mrs. Welford was +altogether and emphatically what a libertine calls "a woman,"--such as a +frivolous education makes a woman,--generous in great things, petty in +small; vain, irritable, full of the littleness of herself and her +complaints, ready to plunge into an abyss with her lover, but equally +ready to fret away all love with reproaches when the plunge had been +made. Of all men, Welford could bear this the least. A woman of a +larger heart, a more settled experience, and an intellect capable of +appreciating his character and sounding all his qualities, might have +made him perhaps a useful and a great man, and, at least, her lover for +life. Amidst a harvest of evil feelings the mere strength of his nature +rendered him especially capable of intense feeling and generous emotion. +One who relied on him was safe; one who rebelled against him trusted only +to the caprice of his scorn. Still, however, for two years, love, though +weakening with each hour, fought on in either breast, and could scarcely +be said to be entirely vanquished in the wife, even when she eloped with +her handsome seducer. A French writer has said pithily enough: "Compare +for a moment the apathy of a husband with the attention, the gallantry, +the adoration of a lover, and can you ask the result?" He was a French +writer; but Mrs. Welford had in her temper much of the Frenchwoman. A +suffering patient, young, handsome, well versed in the arts of intrigue, +contrasted with a gloomy husband whom she had never comprehended, long +feared, and had lately doubted if she disliked,--ah! a much weaker +contrast has made many a much better woman food for the lawyers! Mrs. +Welford eloped; but she felt a revived tenderness for her husband on the +very morning that she did so. She carried away with her his letters of +love as well as her own, which when they first married she had in an hour +of fondness collected together,--then an inestimable board!--and never +did her new lover receive from her beautiful lips half so passionate a +kiss as she left on the cheek of her infant. For some months she enjoyed +with her paramour all for which she had sighed in her home. The one for +whom she had forsaken her legitimate ties was a person so habitually +cheerful, courteous, and what is ordinarily termed "good-natured" (though +he had in him as much of the essence of selfishness as any nobleman can +decently have), that he continued gallant to her without an effort long +after he had begun to think it possible to tire even of so lovely a face. +Yet there were moments when the fickle wife recalled her husband with +regret, and contrasting him with her seducer, did not find all the +colourings of the contrast flattering to the latter. There is something +in a powerful and marked character which women and all weak natures feel +themselves constrained to respect; and Welford's character thus stood in +bold and therefore advantageous though gloomy relief when opposed to the +levities and foibles of this guilty woman's present adorer. However this +be, the die was cast; and it would have been policy for the lady to have +made the best of her present game. But she who had murmured as a wife +was not complaisant as a mistress. Reproaches made an interlude to +caresses, which the noble lover by no means admired. He was not a man to +retort, he was too indolent; but neither was he one to forbear. "My +charming friend," said he one day, after a scene, "you weary of me,-- +nothing more natural! Why torment each other? You say I have ruined +you; my sweet friend, let me make you reparation. Become independent; +I will settle an annuity upon you; fly me,--seek happiness elsewhere, +and leave your unfortunate, your despairing lover to his fate." + +"Do you taunt me, my lord?" cried the angry fair; "or do you believe that +money can replace the rights of which you have robbed me? Can you make +me again a wife,--a happy, a respected wife? Do this, my lord, and you +atone to me!" + +The nobleman smiled, and shrugged his shoulders. The lady yet more +angrily repeated her question. The lover answered by an innuendo, which +at once astonished and doubly enraged her. She eagerly demanded +explanation; and his lordship, who had gone further than he intended, +left the room. But his words had sunk deep into the breast of this +unhappy woman, and she resolved to procure an elucidation. Agreeably to +the policy which stripped the fabled traveller of his cloak, she laid +aside the storm and preferred the sunshine: she watched a moment of +tenderness, turned the opportunity to advantage, and by little and little +she possessed herself of a secret which sickened her with shame, disgust, +and dismay. Sold! bartered! the object of a contemptuous huxtering to +the purchaser and the seller, sold, too, with a lie that debased her at +once into an object for whom even pity was mixed with scorn! Robbed +already of the name and honour of a wife, and transferred as a harlot +from the wearied arms of one leman to the capricious caresses of another! +Such was the image that rose before her; and while it roused at one +moment all her fiercer passions into madness, humbled, with the next, her +vanity into the dust. She, who knew the ruling passion of Welford, saw +at a glance the object of scorn and derision which she had become to him. +While she imagined herself the betrayer, she had been betrayed; she saw +vividly before her (and shuddered as she saw) her husband's icy smile, +his serpent eye, his features steeped in sarcasm, and all his mocking +soul stamped upon the countenance, whose lightest derision was so +galling. She turned from this picture, and saw the courtly face of the +purchaser,--his subdued smile at her reproaches,--his latent sneer at her +claims to a station which he had been taught by the arch plotter to +believe she had never possessed. She saw his early weariness of her +attractions, expressed with respect indeed,--an insulting respect,--but +felt without a scruple of remorse. She saw in either--as around--only a +reciprocation of contempt. She was in a web of profound abasement. Even +that haughty grief of conscience for crime committed to another, which if +it stings humbles not, was swallowed up in a far more agonizing +sensation, to one so vain as the adulteress,--the burning sense of shame +at having herself, while sinning, been the duped and deceived. Her very +soul was appalled with her humiliation. The curse of Welford's vengeance +was on her, and it was wreaked to the last! Whatever kindly sentiment +she might have experienced towards her protector, was swallowed up at +once by this discovery. She could not endure the thought of meeting the +eye of one who had been the gainer by this ignominious barter; the +foibles and weaknesses of the lover assumed a despicable as well as +hateful dye. And in feeling _herself_ degraded, she loathed _him_. The +day after she had made the discovery we have referred to, Mrs. Welford +left the house of her protector, none knew whither. For two years from +that date, all trace of her history was lost. At the end of that time +what was Welford? A man rapidly rising in the world, distinguished at +the Bar, where his first brief had lifted him into notice, commencing a +flattering career in the senate, holding lucrative and honourable +offices, esteemed for the austere rectitude of his moral character, +gathering the golden opinions of all men, as he strode onward to public +reputation. He had re-assumed his hereditary name; his early history was +unknown; and no one in the obscure and distant town of ------ had ever +guessed that the humble Welford was the William Brandon whose praise was +echoed in so many journals, and whose rising genius was acknowledged by +all. That asperity, roughness, and gloom which had noted him at ------, +and which, being natural to him, he deigned not to disguise in a station +ungenial to his talents and below his hopes, were now glitteringly +varnished over by an hypocrisy well calculated to aid his ambition. So +learnedly could this singular man fit himself to others that few among +the great met him as a companion, nor left him without the temper to +become his friend. Through his noble rival--that is (to make our +reader's "surety doubly sure"), through Lord Mauleverer--he had acquired +his first lucrative office, a certain patronage from government, and his +seat in parliament. If he had persevered at the Bar rather than given +himself entirely to State intrigues, it was only because his talents were +eminently more calculated to advance him in the former path to honour +than in the latter. So devoted was he become to public life that he had +only permitted himself to cherish one private source of enjoyment,--his +son. As no one, not even his brother, knew he had been married (during +the two years of his disguised name, he had been supposed abroad), the +appearance of this son made the only piece of scandal whispered against +the rigid morality of his fair fame; but he himself, waiting his own time +for avowing a legitimate heir, gave out that it was the orphan child of a +dear friend whom he had known abroad; and the puritan demureness not only +of life, but manner, which he assumed, gained a pretty large belief to +the statement. This son Brandon idolized. As we have represented +himself to say, ambitious men are commonly fond of their children, beyond +the fondness of other sires. The perpetual reference which the ambitious +make to posterity is perhaps the main reason. But Brandon was also fond +of children generally; philoprogenitiveness was a marked trait in his +character, and would seem to belie the hardness and artifice belonging to +that character, were not the same love so frequently noticeable in the +harsh and the artificial. It seems as if a half-conscious but pleasing +feeling that they too were once gentle and innocent, makes them delight +in reviving any sympathy with their early state. + +Often after the applause and labour of the day, Brandon would repair to +his son's chamber and watch his slumber for hours; often before his +morning toil commenced, he would nurse the infant in his arms with all a +woman's natural tenderness and gushing joy; and often, as a graver and +more characteristic sentiment stole over him, he would mentally say, +"You shall build up our broken name on a better foundation than your +sire. I begin too late in life, and I labour up a painful and stony +road; but I shall make the journey to Fame smooth and accessible for you. +Never, too, while you aspire to honour, shall you steel your heart to +tranquillity. For you, my child, shall be the joys of home and love, and +a mind that does not sicken at the past, and strain, through mere +forgetfulness, towards a solitary and barren distinction for the future. +Not only what your father gains you shall enjoy, but what has cursed him +his vigilance shall lead you to shun!" + +It was thus not only that his softer feelings, but all the better and +nobler ones, which even in the worst and hardest bosom find some root, +turned towards his child, and that the hollow and vicious man promised to +become the affectionate and perhaps the wise parent. + +One night Brandon was returning home on foot from a ministerial dinner. +The night was frosty and clear, the hour was late, and his way lay +through the longest and best-lighted streets of the metropolis. He was, +as usual, buried in thought, when he was suddenly aroused from his revery +by a light touch laid on his arm. He turned, and saw one of the unhappy +persons who haunt the midnight streets of cities, standing right before +his path. The gaze of each fell upon the other; and it was thus, for the +first time since they laid their heads on the same pillow, that the +husband met the wife. The skies were intensely clear, and the lamplight +was bright and calm upon the faces of both. There was no doubt in the +mind of either. Suddenly, and with a startled and ghastly consciousuess, +they recognized each other. The wife staggered, and clung to a post for +support; Brandon's look was calm and unmoved. The hour that his bitter +and malignant spirit had yearned for was come; his nerves expanded in a +voluptuous calmness, as if to give him a deliberate enjoyment of his hope +fulfilled. Whatever the words that in that unwitnessed and almost awful +interview passed between them, we may be sure that Brandon spared not one +atom of his power. The lost and abandoned wife returned home; and all +her nature, embruted as it had become by guilt and vile habits, hardened +into revenge,--that preternatural feeling which may be termed the hope of +despair. + +Three nights from that meeting Brandon's house was broken into. Like the +houses of many legal men, it lay in a dangerous and thinly populated +outskirt of the town, and was easily accessible to robbery. He was +awakened by a noise; he started, and found himself in the grasp of two +men. At the foot of the bed stood a female, raising a light; and her +face, haggard with searing passions, and ghastly with the leprous +whiteness of disease and approaching death, glared full upon him. + +"It is now my turn," said the female, with a grin of scorn which Brandon +himself might have envied; "you have cursed me, and I return the curse! +You have told me that my child shall never name me but to blush. Fool! +I triumph over you; you he shall never know to his dying day! You have +told me that to my child and my child's child (a long transmission of +execration) my name--the name of the wife you basely sold to ruin and to +hell--should be left as a legacy of odium and shame! Man, you shall +teach that child no further lesson whatever: you shall know not whether +he live or die, or have children to carry on your boasted race; or +whether, if he have, those children be not outcasts of the earth, the +accursed of man and God, the fit offspring of the thing you have made me. +Wretch! I hurl back on you the denunciation with which, when we met +three nights since, you would have crushed the victim of your own +perfidy. You shall tread the path of your ambition childless and +objectless and hopeless. Disease shall set her stamp upon your frame. +The worm shall batten upon your heart. You shall have honours and enjoy +them not; you shall gain your ambition, and despair; you shall pine for +your son, and find him not; or, if you find him, you shall curse the hour +in which he was born. Mark me, man,--I am dying while I speak,--I know +that I am a prophet in my curse. From this hour I am avenged, and you +are my scorn!" + +As the hardest natures sink appalled before the stony eye of the maniac, +so, in the dead of the night, pinioned by ruffians, the wild and solemn +voice, sharpened by passion and partial madness, of the ghastly figure +before him curdling through his veins, even the haughty and daring +character of William Brandon quailed! He uttered not a word. He was +found the next morning bound by strong cords to his bed. He spoke not +when he was released, but went in silence to his child's chamber,--the +child was gone! Several articles of property were also stolen; the +desperate tools the mother had employed worked not perhaps without their +own reward. + +We need scarcely add that Brandon set every engine and channel of justice +in motion for the discovery of his son. All the especial shrewdness and +keenness of his own character, aided by his professional experience, he +employed for years in the same pursuit. Every research was wholly in +vain; not the remotest vestige towards discovery could be traced until +were found (we have recorded when) some of the articles that had been +stolen. Fate treasured in her gloomy womb, altogether undescried by man, +the hour and the scene in which the most ardent wish of William Brandon +was to be realized. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV. + + O Fortuna, viris invida fortibus + Quam non aqua bonis praemia dividis. + SENECA. + . . . . . . . . . . . . + And as a hare, whom hounds and horns pursue, + Pants to the place from whence at first he flew. + . . . . . . . . . . . . + Here, to the houseless child of want, + My door is open still. + GOLDSMITH. + +Slowly for Lucy waned the weeks of a winter which to her was the most +dreary portion of life she had ever passed. It became the time for the +judge to attend one of those periodical visitations so fraught with dread +and dismay to the miserable inmates of the dark abodes which the complex +laws of this country so bounteously supply,--those times of great +hilarity and eating to the legal gentry,-- + + "Who feed on crimes and fatten on distress, + And wring vile mirth from suffering's last excess." + +Ah! excellent order of the world, which it is so wicked to disturb! How +miraculously beautiful must be that system which makes wine out of the +scorching tears of guilt; and from the suffocating suspense, the agonized +fear, the compelled and self-mocking bravery, the awful sentence, the +despairing death-pang of one man, furnishes the smirking expectation of +fees, the jovial meeting, and the mercenary holiday to another! "Of Law, +nothing less can be said than that her seat is the bosom of God."-- +[Hooker's Ecclesiastical Polity.]--To be sure not; Richard Hooker, you +are perfectly right. The divinity of a sessions and the inspiration of +the Old Bailey are undeniable! + +The care of Sir William Brandon had effectually kept from Lucy's ear the +knowledge of her lover's ignominious situation. Indeed, in her delicate +health even the hard eye of Brandon and the thoughtless glance of +Mauleverer perceived the danger of such a discovery. The earl, now +waiting the main attack on Lucy till the curtain had forever dropped on +Clifford, proceeded with great caution and delicacy in his suit to his +purposed bride. He waited with the more patience inasmuch as he had +drawn in advance on his friend Sir William for some portion of the +heiress's fortune; and he readily allowed that he could not in the mean +while have a better advocate than he found in Brandon. So persuasive, +indeed, and so subtle was the eloquence of this able sophist, that often +in his artful conversations with his niece he left even on the unvitiated +and strong though simple mind of Lucy an uneasy and restless impression, +which time might have ripened into an inclination towards the worldly +advantages of the marriage at her command. Brandon was no bungling +mediator or violent persecutor. He seemed to acquiesce in her rejection +of Mauleverer. He scarcely recurred to the event. He rarely praised the +earl himself, save for the obvious qualities of liveliness and good- +nature. But he spoke, with all the vivid colours he could infuse at will +into his words, of the pleasures and the duties of rank and wealth. Well +could he appeal alike to all the prejudices and all the foibles of the +human breast, and govern virtue through its weaknesses. Lucy had been +brought up, like the daughters of most country gentlemen of ancient +family, in an undue and idle consciousness of superior birth; and she was +far from inaccessible to the warmth and even feeling (for here Brandon +was sincere) with which her uncle spoke of the duty of raising a gallant +name sunk into disrepute, and sacrificing our own inclination for the +redecorating the mouldered splendour of those who have gone before us. +If the confusion of idea occasioned by a vague pomposity of phrase, or +the infant inculcation of a sentiment that is mistaken for a, virtue, so +often makes fools of the wise on the subject of ancestry; if it clouded +even the sarcastic and keen sense of Brandon himself, we may forgive its +influence over a girl so little versed in the arts of sound reasoning as +poor Lucy, who, it may be said, had never learned to think until she had +learned to love. However, the impression made by Brandon, in his +happiest moments of persuasion, was as yet only transient; it vanished +before the first thought of Clifford, and never suggested to her even a +doubt as to the suit of Mauleverer. + +When the day arrived for Sir William Brandon to set out on the circuit, +he called Barlow, and enjoined on that acute and intelligent servant the +strictest caution with respect to Lucy. He bade him deny her to every +one, of whatever rank, and carefully to look into every newspaper that +was brought to her, as well as to withhold every letter, save such as +were addressed to her in the judge's own handwriting. Lucy's maid +Brandon had already won over to silence; and the uncle now pleased +himself with thinking that he had put an effectual guard to every chance +of discovery. The identity of Lovett with Clifford had not yet even been +rumoured; and Mauleverer had rightly judged of Clifford, when he believed +the prisoner would himself take every precaution against the detection of +that fact. Clifford answered the earl's note, and promised, in a letter +couched in so affecting yet so manly a tone of gratitude that even +Brandon was touched when he read it. And since his confinement and +partial recovery of health, the prisoner had kept himself closely +secluded, and refused all visitors. Encouraged by this reflection, and +the belief in the safety of his precautions, Brandon took leave of Lucy. +"Farewell!" said he, as he embraced her affectionately. "Be sure that +you write to me, and forgive me if I do not answer you punctually. Take +care of yourself, my sweet niece, and let me see a fresher colour on that +soft cheek when I return!" + +"Take care of yourself rather, my dear, dear uncle," said Lucy, clinging +to him and weeping, as of late her weakened nerves caused her to do at +the least agitation. "Why may I not go with you? You have seemed to me +paler than usual the last three or four days, and you complained +yesterday. Do let me go with you. I will be no trouble, none at all; +but I am sure you require a nurse." + +"You want to frighten me, my pretty Lucy," said Brandon, shaking his head +with a smile. "I am well, very well. I felt a strange rush of blood +towards the head yesterday, it is true; but I feel to-day stronger and +lighter than I have done for years. Once more, God bless you, my child!" + +And Brandon tore himself away, and commenced his journey. + +The wandering and dramatic course of our story now conducts us to an +obscure lane in the metropolis, leading to the Thames, and makes us +spectators of an affecting farewell between two persons, whom the +injustice of fate and the persecutions of men were about perhaps forever +to divide. + +"Adieu, my friend!" said Augustus Tomlinson, as he stood looking full on +that segment of the face of Edward Pepper which was left unconcealed by a +huge hat and a red belcher handkerchief. Tomlinson himself was attired +in the full costume of a dignified clergyman. "Adieu, my friend, since +you will remain in England,--adieu! I am, I exult to say, no less +sincere a patriot than you. Heaven be my witness, how long I looked +repugnantly on poor Lovett's proposal to quit my beloved country. But +all hope of life here is now over; and really, during the last ten days I +have been so hunted from corner to corner, so plagued with polite +invitations, similar to those given by a farmer's wife to her ducks, +'Dilly, dilly, dilly, come and be killed!' that my patriotism has been +prodigiously cooled, and I no longer recoil from thoughts of self- +banishment. 'The earth,' my dear Ned, as a Greek sage has very well +observed,--'the earth is the same everywhere!' and if I am asked for my +home, I can point, like Anaxagoras, to heaven!" + +"'Pon my soul, you affect me!" said Ned, speaking thick, either from +grief or the pressure of the belcher handkerchief on his mouth; "it is +quite beautiful to hear you talk!" + +"Bear up, my dear friend," continued Tomlinson; "bear up against your +present afflictions. What, to a man who fortifies himself by reason and +by reflection on the shortness of life, are the little calamities of the +body? What is imprisonment or persecution or cold or hunger? By the by, +you did not forget to put the sandwiches into my coat-pocket!" + +"Hush!" whispered Ned, and he moved on involuntarily; "I see a man at the +other end of the street." + +"Let us quicken our pace," said Tomlinson; and the pair proceeded towards +the river. + +"And now," began Ned, who thought he might as well say something about +himself; for hitherto Augustus, in the ardour of his friendship, had been +only discussing his own plans,--"and now,--that is to say, when I leave +you,--I shall hasten to dive for shelter, until the storm blows over. I +don't much like living in a cellar and wearing a smock frock; but those +concealments have something interesting in them, after all! The safest +and snuggest place I know of is the Pays Bas, about Thames Court; so I +think of hiring an apartment underground, and taking my meals at poor +Lovett's old quarters, the Mug,--the police will never dream of looking +in these vulgar haunts for a man of my fashion." + +"You cannot then tear yourself from England?" said Tomlinson. + +"No, hang it! the fellows are so cursed unmanly on the other side of the +water. I hate their wine and their parley woo. Besides, there is no fun +there." + +Tomlinson, who was absorbed in his own thoughts, made no comment on his +friend's excellent reasons against travel; and the pair now approached +the brink of the river. A boat was in waiting to receive and conduct to +the vessel in which he had taken his place for Calais the illustrious +emigrant. But as Tomlinson's eye fell suddenly on the rude boatmen and +the little boat which were to bear him away from his native land; as he +glanced, too, across the blue waters, which a brisk wind wildly agitated, +and thought how much rougher it would be at sea, where "his soul" +invariably "sickened at the heaving wave,"--a whole tide of deep and +sorrowful emotions rushed upon him. + +He turned away. The spot on which he stood was a piece of ground to be +let (as a board proclaimed) upon a building lease; below, descended the +steps which were to conduct him to the boat; around, the desolate space +allowed him to see in far and broad extent the spires and domes and +chimneys of the great city whose inhabitants he might never plunder more. +As he looked and looked, the tears started to his eyes, and with a gust +of enthusiasm, little consonant with his temperate and philosophical +character, he lifted his right hand from his black breeches-pocket, and +burst into the following farewell to the metropolis of his native +shores:-- + +"Farewell, my beloved London, farewell! Where shall I ever find a city +like you? Never, till now, did I feel how inexpressibly dear you were to +me. You have been my father and my brother and my mistress and my tailor +and my shoemaker and my hatter and my cook and my wine-merchant! You and +I never misunderstood each other. I did not grumble when I saw what fine +houses and good strong boxes you gave to other men. No! I rejoiced at +their prosperity. I delighted to see a rich man,--my only disappointment +was in stumbling on a poor one. You gave riches to my neighbours; but, +O generous London, you gave those neighbours to me! Magnificent streets, +all Christian virtues abide within you! Charity is as common as smoke! +Where, in what corner of the habitable world, shall I find human beings +with so many superfluities? Where shall I so easily decoy, from +benevolent credulity, those superfluities to myself? Heaven only knows, +my dear, dear, darling London, what I lose in you! O public charities! +O public institutions! O banks that belie mathematical axioms and make +lots out of nothing! O ancient constitution always to be questioned! +O modern improvements that never answer! O speculations! O companies! +O usury laws which guard against usurers, by making as many as possible! +O churches in which no one profits, save the parson, and the old women +that let pews of an evening! O superb theatres, too small for parks, too +enormous for houses, which exclude comedy and comfort, and have a +monopoly for performing nonsense gigantically! O houses of plaster, +built in a day! O palaces four yards high, with a dome in the middle, +meant to be invisible! + + [We must not suppose this apostrophe to be an anachronism. + Tomlinson, Of course, refers to some palace of his day; one of the + boxes--Christmas boxes--given to the king by his economical nation + of shopkeepers. We suppose it is either pulled down or blown down + long ago; it is doubtless forgotten by this time, except by + antiquaries. Nothing is so ephemeral as great houses built by the + people. Your kings play the deuce with their playthings!] + +"O shops worth thousands, and O shopkeepers not worth a shilling! O +system of credit by which beggars are princes, and princes are beggars! +O imprisonment for debt, which lets the mare be stolen, and then locks up +the bridle! O sharpers, bubbles, senators, beaux, taverns, brothels, +clubs, houses private and public!---O LONDON, in a word, receive my last +adieu! Long may you flourish in peace and plenteousness! May your +knaves be witty, and your fools be rich! May you alter only two things, +--your damnable tricks of transportation and hanging! Those are your sole +faults; but for those I would never desert you. Adieu!" + +Here Tomlinson averted his head, and then hastily shaking the hand of +Long Ned with a tremulous and warm grasp, he hurried down the stairs and +entered the boat. Ned remained motionless for some moments, following +him with his eyes as he sat at the end of the boat, waving a white +pocket-handkerchief. At length a line of barges snatched him from the +sight of the lingerer; and Ned, slowly turning away, muttered,--"Yes, I +have always heard that Dame Lobkins's was the safest asylum for +misfortune like mine. I will go forthwith in search of a lodging, and +to-morrow I will make my breakfast at the Mug!" + +Be it our pleasing task, dear reader, to forestall the good robber, and +return, at the hour of sunrise on the day following Tomlinson's +departure, to the scene at which our story commenced. We are now once +more at the house of Mrs. Margery Lobkins. + +The room which served so many purposes was still the same as when Paul +turned it into the arena of his mischievous pranks. The dresser, with +its shelves of mingled delf and pewter, occupied its ancient and +important station. Only it might be noticed that the pewter was more +dull than of yore, and that sundry cracks made their erratic wanderings +over the yellow surface of the delf. The eye of the mistress had become +less keen than heretofore, and the care of the hand maid had, of +necessity, relaxed. The tall clock still ticked in monotonous warning; +the blanket-screen, haply innocent of soap since we last described it, +many-storied and polyballaded, still unfolded its ample leaves "rich with +the spoils of time;" the spit and the musket yet hung from the wall in +amicable proximation. And the long, smooth form, "with many a holy text +thereon bestrewn," still afforded rest to the weary traveller, and an +object to the vacant stare of Mrs. Margery Lobkins, as she lolled in her +opposite seat and forgot the world. But poor Piggy Lob!---there was the +alteration! The soul of the woman was gone; the spirit had evaporated +from the human bottle! She sat, with open mouth and glassy eye, in her +chair, sidling herself to and fro, with the low, peevish sound of fretful +age and bodily pain; sometimes this querulous murmur sharpened into a +shrill but unmeaning scold: "There now, you gallows-bird! you has taken +the swipes without chalking; you wants to cheat the poor widow; but I +sees you, I does! Providence protects the aged and the innocent--Oh, oh! +these twinges will be the death o' me. Where's Martha? You jade, you! +you wiperous hussy, bring the tape; does n't you see how I suffers? Has +you no bowels, to let a poor Christian cretur perish for want o' help! +That's with 'em, that's the way! No one cares for I now,--no one has +respect for the gray 'airs of the old!" And then the voice dwindled into +the whimpering "tenor of its way." + +Martha, a strapping wench with red hair streaming over her "hills of +snow," was not, however, inattentive to the wants of her mistress. "Who +knows," said she to a man who sat by the hearth, drinking tea out of a +blue mug, and toasting with great care two or three huge rounds of bread +for his own private and especial nutriment,--"who knows," said she, "what +we may come to ourselves?" And, so saying, she placed a glowing tumbler +by her mistress's elbow. + +But in the sunken prostration of her intellect, the old woman was +insensible even to her consolation. She sipped and drank, it is true; +but as if the stream warmed not the benumbed region through which it +passed, she continued muttering in a crazed and groaning key,-- + +"Is this your gratitude, you sarpent! Why does not you bring the tape, I +tells you? Am I of a age to drink water like a 'oss, you nasty thing! +Oh, to think as ever I should live to be desarted!" + +Inattentive to these murmurs, which she felt unreasonable, the bouncing +Martha now quitted the room to repair to her "upper household" +avocations. The man at the hearth was the only companion left to the +widow. Gazing at her for a moment, as she sat whining, with a rude +compassion in his eye, and slowly munching his toast, which he had now +buttered and placed in a delf plate on the hob, this person thus +soothingly began:-- + +"Ah, Dame Lobkins, if so be as 'ow little Paul vas a vith you, it would +be a gallows comfort to you in your latter hend!" + +The name of Paul made the good woman incline her bead towards the +speaker; a ray of consciousness shot through her bedulled brain. + +"Little Paul,--eh, sirs! where is Paul? Paul, I say, my ben cull. +Alack! he's gone,--left his poor old nurse to die like a cat in a +cellar. Oh, Dummie, never live to be old, man! They leaves us to +oursel's, and then takes away all the lush with 'em! I has not a drop o' +comfort in the 'varsal world!" + +Dummie, who at this moment had his own reasons for soothing the dame, and +was anxious to make the most of the opportunity of a conversation as +unwitnessed as the present, replied tenderly, and with a cunning likely +to promote his end, reproached Paul bitterly for never having informed +the dame of his whereabout and his proceedings. "But come, dame," he +wound up, "come, I guess as how he is better nor all that, and that you +need not beat your hold brains to think where he lies, or vot he's a +doing. Blow me tight, Mother Lob,--I ax pardon, Mrs. Margery, I should +say,--if I vould not give five bob, ay, and five to the tail o' that, to +know what the poor lad is about; I takes a mortal hinterest in that 'ere +chap!" + +"Oh! oh!" groaned the old woman, on whose palsied sense the astute +inquiries of Dummie Dunnaker fell harmless; "my poor sinful carcass! +what a way it be in!" + +Artfully again did Dummie Dunnaker, nothing defeated, renew his attack; +but fortune does not always favour the wise, and it failed Dummie now, +for a twofold reason,--first, because it was not possible for the dame to +comprehend him; secondly, because even if it had been, she had nothing to +reveal. Some of Clifford's pecuniary gifts had been conveyed +anonymously, all without direction or date; and for the most part they +had been appropriated by the sage Martha, into whose hands they fell, to +her own private uses. Nor did the dame require Clifford's grateful +charity; for she was a woman tolerably well off in this world, +considering how near she was waxing to another. Longer, however, might +Dummie have tried his unavailing way, had not the door of the inn creaked +on its hinges, and the bulky form of a tall man in a smockfrock, but with +a remarkably fine head of hair, darkened the threshold. He honoured the +dame, who cast on him a lacklustre eye, with a sulky yet ambrosial nod, +seized a bottle of spirits and a tumbler, lighted a candle, drew a small +German pipe and a tobacco-box from his pouch, placed these several +luxuries on a small table, wheeled it to a far corner of the room, and +throwing himself into one chair, and his legs into another, he enjoyed +the result of his pains in a moody and supercilious silence. Long and +earnestly did the meek Dummie gaze on the face of the gentleman before +him. It had been some years since he had last beheld it; but it was one +which did not easily escape the memory; and although its proprietor was a +man who had risen in the world, and had gained the height of his +profession (a station far beyond the diurnal sphere of Dummie Dunnaker), +and the humble purloiner was therefore astonished to encounter him in +these lower regions, yet Dummie's recollection carried him back to a day +when they had gone shares together without respect of persons, and been +right jolly partners in the practical game of beggar my neighbour. +While, however, Dummie Dunnaker, who was a little inclined to be shy, +deliberated as to the propriety of claiming acquaintanceship, a dirty +boy, with a face which betokened the frost, as Dummie himself said, like +a plum dying of the scarlet fever, entered the room, with a newspaper in +his dexter paw. + +"Great news! great news!" cried the urchin, imitating his vociferous +originals in the street; "all about the famous Captain Lovett, as large +as life!" + +"'Old your blarney, you blattergowl!" said Dummie, rebukingly, and +seizing the journal. + +"Master says as how he must have it to send to Clapham, and can't spare +it for more than a 'our!" said the boy, as he withdrew. + +"I 'members the day," said Dummie, with the zeal of a clansman, "when the +Mug took a paper all to itsel' instead o' 'iring it by the job like!" + +Thereon he opened the paper with a fillip, and gave himself tip to the +lecture. But the tall stranger, half rising with a start, exclaimed,-- + +"Can't you have the manners to be communicative? Do you think nobody +cares about Captain Lovett but yourself?" On this, Dummie turned round +on his chair, and, with a "Blow me tight, you're velcome, I'm sure," +began as follows (we copy the paper, not the diction of the reader):-- + + "The trial of the notorious Lovett commences this day. Great + exertions have been made by people of all classes to procure seats + in the Town Hall, which will be full to a degree never before known + in this peaceful province. No less than seven indictments are said + to await the prisoner; it has been agreed that the robbery of Lord + Mauleverer should be the first to come on. The principal witness in + this case against the prisoner is understood to be the king's + evidence, MacGrawler. No news as yet have been circulated + concerning the suspected accomplices, Augustus Tomlinson and Edward + Pepper. It is believed that the former has left the country, and + that the latter is lurking among the low refuges of guilt with which + the heart of the metropolis abounds. Report speaks highly of the + person and manners of Lovett. He is also supposed to be a man of + some talent, and was formerly engaged in an obscure periodical + edited by MacGrawler, and termed the 'Althenaeum,' Or 'Asinaeum.' + Nevertheless, we apprehend that his origin is remarkably low, and + suitable to the nature of his pursuits. The prisoner will be most + fortunate in a judge. Never did any one holding the same high + office as Sir William Brandon earn an equal reputation in so short a + time. The Whigs are accustomed to sneer at us, when we insist on + the private virtues of our public men. Let them look to Sir William + Brandon, and confess that the austerest morals maybe linked with the + soundest knowledge and the most brilliant genius. The opening + address of the learned judge to the jury at-------is perhaps the + most impressive and solemn piece of eloquence in the English + language!" + +A cause for this eulogium might haply be found in another part of the +paper, in which it was said,-- + + "Among the higher circles, we understand, the rumour has gone forth + that Sir William Brandon is to be recalled to his old parliamentary + career in a more elevated scene. So highly are this gentleman's + talents respected by his Majesty and the ministers, that they are, + it is reported, anxious to secure his assistance in the House of + Lords!" + +When Dummie had spelt his "toilsome march" through the first of the above +extracts he turned round to the tall stranger, and, eying him with a sort +of winking significance, said,-- + +"So MacGrawler peaches,--blows the gaff on his pals, eh! Vel, now, I +always suspected that 'ere son of a gun! Do you know, he used to be at +the Mug many 's a day, a teaching our little Paul, and says I to Piggy +Lob, says I, 'Blow me tight, but that cove is a queer one! and if he does +not come to be scragged,' says I, 'it vill only be because he'll turn a +rusty, and scrag one of his pals!' So you sees" (here Dummie looked +round, and his voice sank into a whisper),--"so you sees, Meester Pepper, +I vas no fool there!" + +Long Ned dropped his pipe, and said sourly and with a suspicious frown, +"What! you know me?" + +"To be sure and sartin I does," answered little Dummie, walking to the +table where the robber sat. "Does not you know I?" + +Ned regarded the interrogator with a sullen glance, which gradually +brightened into knowledge. "Ah!" said he, with the air of a Brummel, +"Mr. Bummie, or Dummie, I think, eh! Shake a paw,--I'm glad to see you. +Recollect the last time I saw you, you rather affronted me. Never mind. +I dare say you did not mean it." + +Encouraged by this affable reception from the highwayman, though a little +embarrassed by Ned's allusion to former conduct on his part, which he +felt was just, Dummie grinned, pushed a stool near Ned, sat himself down, +and carefully avoiding any immediate answer to Ned's complaints, +rejoined,-- + +"Do you know, Meester Pepper, you struck I all of a heap? I could not +have s'posed as how you'd condescend nowadays to come to the Mug, vhere I +never seed you but once afore. Lord love ye, they says as 'ow you go to +all the fine places in ruffles, with a pair of silver pops in your +vaistcoat pocket! Vy, the boys hereabout say that you and Meester +Tomlinson, and this 'ere poor devil in quod, vere the finest gemmen in +town; and, Lord, for to think of your ciwility to a pitiful ragmerchant, +like I!" + +"Ah!" said Ned, gravely, "there are sad principles afloat now. They want +to do away with all distinctions in ranks,--to make a duke no better than +his valet, and a gentleman highwayman class with a filcher of fogles.' +But, damme, if I don't think misfortune levels us all quite enough; and +misfortune brings me here, little Dummie." + +"Ah! you vants to keep out of the vay of the bulkies!" "Right. Since +poor Lovett was laid by the heels, which I must say was the fault of his +own deuced gentlemanlike behaviour to me and Augustus (you've heard of +Guz, you say), the knot of us seems quite broken. One's own friends look +inclined to play one false; and really, the queer cuffins hover so +sharply upon us that I thought it safe to duck for a time. So I have +taken a lodging in a cellar, and I intend for the next three months to +board at the Mug. I have heard that I may be sure of lying snug here. +Dummie, your health! Give us the baccy." + +"I say, Meester Pepper," said Dummie, clearing his throat, when he had +obeyed the request, "can you tell I, if so be you 'as met in your travels +our little Paul? Poor chap! You knows as 'ow and vy he was sent to quod +by Justice Burnflat. Vel, ven he got out, he vent to the devil, or +summut like it, and ve have not 'card a vord of him since. You 'members +the lad,--a 'nation fine cull, tall and straight as a harrow!" + +"Why, you fool," said Ned, "don't you know"--then checking himself +suddenly, "Ah! by the by, that rigmarole oath! I was not to tell; though +now it's past caring for, I fear! It is no use looking after the seal +when the letter's burned." + +"Blow me," cried Dunnaker, with unaffected vehemence, "I sees as how you +know vot's come of he! Many's the good turn I'll do you, if you vill but +tell I." + +"Why, does he owe you a dozen bobs; or what, Dummie?" said Ned. + +"Not he,--not he," cried Dummie. + +"What then, you want to do him a mischief of some sort?" + +"Do little Paul a mischief!" ejaculated Dummie; "vy, I've known the cull +ever since he was that high! No, but I vants to do him a great sarvice, +Meester Pepper, and myself too,--and you to boot, for aught that I know, +Meester Pepper." + +"Humph!" said Ned,--"humph! what do you mean? I do, it is true, know +where Paul is; but you must tell me first why you wish to know, otherwise +you may ask your grandfather for me." + +A long, sharp, wistful survey did Mr. Dummie Dunnaker cast around him +before he rejoined. All seemed safe and convenient for confidential +communication. The supine features of Mrs. Lobkins were hushed in a +drowsy stupor; even the gray cat that lay by the fire was curled in the +embrace of Morpheus. Nevertheless, it was in a close whisper that Dummie +spoke. + +"I dares be bound, Meester Pepper, that you 'members vell ven Harry Cook, +the great highvayman,--poor fellow! he's gone vhere ve must all go,-- +brought you, then quite a gossoon,' for the first time to the little back +parlour at the Cock and Hen, Dewereux Court?" + +Ned nodded assent. + +"And you 'members as how I met Harry and you there, and I vas all afeard +at you,--'cause vy? I had never seen you afore, and ve vas a going to +crack a swell's crib. And Harry spoke up for you, and said as 'ow though +you had just gone on the town, you was already prime up to gammon. You +'members, eh?" + +"Ay, I remember all," said Ned; "it was the first and only house I ever +had a hand in breaking into. Harry was a fellow of low habits; so I +dropped his acquaintance, and took solely to the road, or a chance +ingenuity now and then. I have no idea of a gentleman turning +cracksman." + +"Vel, so you vent vith us, and ve slipped you through a pane in the +kitchen-vindow. You vas the least of us, big as you be now; and you vent +round and opened the door for us; and ven you had opened the door, you +saw a voman had joined us, and you were a funked then, and stayed vithout +the crib, to keep vatch vhile ve vent in." + +"Well, well," cried Ned, "what the devil has all this rigmarole got to do +with Paul?" + +"Now don't be glimflashy, but let me go on smack right about. Vell, ven +ve came out, you minds as 'ow the voman had a bundle in her arms, and you +spake to her; and she answered you roughly, and left us all, and vent +straight home; and ve vent and fenced the swag' that wery night and +afterwards napped the regulars. And sure you made us laugh 'artily, +Meester Pepper, when you said, says you, 'That 'ere voman is a rum blo" +en.' So she vas, Meester Pepper!" + + [The reader has probably observed the use made by Dummie and Mrs. + Lobkins of Irish phraseology or pronunciation, This is a remarkable + trait in the dialect of the lowest orders in London, owing, we + suppose, to their constant association with emigrants from "the + first flower of the earth." Perhaps it is a modish affectation + among the gentry of St. Giles's, just as we eke out our mother- + tongue with French at Mayfair.] + +"Oh, spare me," said Ned, affectedly, "and make haste; you keep me all in +the dark. By the way, I remember that you joked me about the bundle; and +when I asked what the woman had wrapped in it, you swore it was a child. +Rather more likely that the girl, whoever she was, would have left a +child behind her than carried one off!" The face of Dummie waxed big +with conscious importance. + +"Vell, now, you would not believe us; but it vas all true. That 'ere +bundle vas the voman's child,--I s'pose an unnatural von by the gemman; +she let us into the 'ouse on condition we helped her off vith it. And, +blow me tight, but ve paid ourselves vel for our trouble. That 'ere +voman vas a strange cretur; they say she had been a lord's blowen; but +howsomever, she was as 'ot-'eaded and hodd as if she had been. There vas +old Nick's hown row made on the matter, and the revard for our +[de]tection vas so great, that as you vas not much tried yet, Harry +thought it best for to take you vith 'im down to the country, and told +you as 'ow it vas all a flam about the child in the bundle!" + +"Faith," said Ned, "I believed him readily enough; and poor Harry was +twisted shortly after, and I went into Ireland for safety, where I stayed +two years,--and deuced good claret I got there!" + +"So, vhiles you vas there," continued Dummie, "poor Judy, the voman, +died,--she died in this very 'ouse, and left the horphan to the +[af]fection of Piggy Lob, who was 'nation fond of it surely! Oh! but I +'members vot a night it vas ven poor Judy died; the vind vistled like +mad, and the rain tumbled about as if it had got a holiday; and there the +poor creature lay raving just over 'ed of this room we sits in! Laus-a- +me, vat a sight it vas!" + +Here Dummie paused, and seemed to recall in imagination the scene he had +witnessed; but over the mind of Long Ned a ray of light broke slowly. + +"Whew!" said he, lifting up his forefinger, "whew! I smell a rat; this +stolen child, then, was no other than Paul. But, pray, to whom did the +house belong? For that fact Harry never communicated to me. I only +heard the owner was a lawyer, or parson, or some such thing." + +"Vy now, I'll tell you, but don't be glimflashy. So, you see, ven Judy +died, and Harry was scragged, I vas the only von living who vas up to the +secret; and vhen Mother Lob vas a taking a drop to comfort her vhen Judy +vent off, I hopens a great box in which poor Judy kept her duds and +rattletraps, and surely I finds at the bottom of the box hever so many +letters and sick like,--for I knew as 'ow they vas there; so I vhips +these off and carries 'em 'ome with me, and soon arter, Mother Lob sold +me the box o' duds for two quids--'cause vy? I vas a rag-merchant. So +now I 'solved, since the secret vas all in my hown keeping, to keep it as +tight as vinkey; for first, you sees as 'ow I vas afeard I should be +hanged if I vent for to tell,--'cause vy? I stole a vatch, and lots +more, as vell as the hurchin; and next I vas afeard as 'ow the mother +might come back and haunt me the same as Sall haunted Villy, for it vas a +'orrid night ven her soul took ving. And hover and above this, Meester +Pepper, I thought summut might turn hup by and by, in vhich it vould be +best for I to keep my hown counsel and nab the revard, if I hever durst +make myself known." + +Here Dummie proceeded to narrate how frightened he had been lest Ned +should discover all, when (as it may be remembered, Pepper informed Paul +at the beginning of this history) he encountered that worthy at Dame +Lobkins's house; how this fear had induced him to testify to Pepper that +coldness and rudeness which had so enraged the haughty highwayman; and +how great had been his relief and delight at finding that Ned returned to +the Mug no more. He next proceeded to inform his new confidant of his +meeting with the father (the sagacious reader knows where and when), and +of what took place at that event. He said how, in his first negotiation +with the father, prudently resolving to communicate drop by drop such +information as he possessed, he merely, besides confessing to a share in +the robbery, stated that he thought he knew the house, etc., to which the +infant had been consigned,--and that, if so, it was still alive; but that +he would inquire. He then related how the sanguine father, who saw that +hanging Dummie for the robbery of his house might not be half so likely a +method to recover his son as bribery and conciliation, not only forgave +him his former outrage, but whetted his appetite to the search by +rewarding him for his disclosure. He then proceeded to state how, unable +anywhere to find Paul, or any trace of him, he amused the sire from time +to time with forged excuses; how, at first, the sums he received made him +by no means desirous to expedite a discovery that would terminate such +satisfactory receipts; how at length the magnitude of the proffered +reward, joined to the threats of the sire, had made him become seriously +anxious to learn the real fate and present "whereabout" of Paul; how, the +last time he had seen the father, he had, by way of propitiation and +first fruit, taken to him all the papers left by the unhappy mother and +secreted by himself; and how he was now delighted to find that Ned was +acquainted with Paul's address. Since he despaired of finding Paul by +his own exertions alone, he became less tenacious of his secret; and he +now proffered Ned, on discovery of Paul, a third of that reward the whole +of which he had once hoped to engross. + +Ned's eyes and mouth opened at this proposition. "But the name,--the +name of the father? You have not told me that yet!" cried he, +impatiently. + +"Noa, noa!" said Dummie, archly, "I does n't tell you all, till you tells +I summut. Vhere's little Paul, I say; and vhere be us to get at him?" + +Ned heaved a sigh. + +"As for the oath," said he, musingly, "it would be a sin to keep it, now +that to break it can do him no harm, and may do him good, especially as, +in case of imprisonment or death, the oath is not held to be binding; yet +I fear it is too late for the reward. The father will scarcely thank you +for finding his son!---Know, Dummie, that Paul is in jail, and that he +is one and the same person as Captain Lovett!" Astonishment never wrote +in more legible characters than she now displayed on the rough features +of Dummie Dunnaker. So strong are the sympathies of a profession +compared with all others, that Dummie's first confused thought was that +of pride. "The great Captain Lovett!" he faltered. + +"Little Paul at the top of the profession! Lord, Lord! I always said as +how he'd the hambition to rise!" + +"Well, well, but the father's name?" + +At this question the expression of Dummie's face fell; a sudden horror +struggled to his eyes-- + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV. + + Why is it that at moments there creeps over us an awe, a terror, + overpowering but undefined? Why is it that we shudder without a + cause, and feel the warm life-blood stand still in its courses? + Are the dead too near? + FALKLAND + + Ha! sayest thou! Hideous thought, I feel it twine + O'er my iced heart, as curls around his prey + The sure and deadly serpent! + . . . . . . . . . . . . + What! in the hush and in the solitude + Passed that dread soul away? + Love and Hatred. + +The evening prior to that morning in which the above conversation +occurred, Brandon passed alone in his lodging at --------. He had felt +himself too unwell to attend the customary wassail, and he sat indolently +musing in the solitude of the old-fashioned chamber to which he was +consigned. There, two wax-candles on the smooth, quaint table dimly +struggled against the gloom of heavy panels, which were relieved at +unfrequent intervals by portraits in oaken frames, dingy, harsh, and +important with the pomp of laced garments and flowing wigs. The +predilection of the landlady for modern tastes had, indeed, on each side +of the huge fireplace suspended more novel masterpieces of the fine arts. +In emblematic gorgeousness hung the pictures of the four Seasons, buxom +wenches all, save Winter, who was deformedly bodied forth in the likeness +of an aged carle. These were interspersed by an engraving of Lord +Mauleverer, the lieutenant of the neighbouring county, looking extremely +majestical in his peer's robes; and by three typifications of Faith, +Hope, and Charity,--ladies with whom it may be doubted if the gay earl +ever before cultivated so close an intimacy. Curtains, of that antique +chintz in which fasces of stripes are alternated by rows of flowers, +filled the interstices of three windows; a heavy sideboard occupied the +greater portion of one side of the room; and on the opposite side, in the +rear of Brandon, a vast screen stretched its slow length along, and +relieved the unpopulated and as it were desolate comfort of the +apartment. + +Pale and imperfectly streamed the light upon Brandon's face, as he sat in +his large chair, leaning his cheek on one hand, and gazing with the +unconscious earnestness of abstraction on the clear fire. At that moment +a whole phalanx of gloomy thought was sweeping in successive array across +his mind. His early ambition, his ill-omened marriage, the causes of his +after-rise in the wrong-judging world, the first dawn of his reputation, +his rapid and flattering successes, his present elevation, his aspiring +hope of far higher office, and more patrician honours,--all these +phantoms passed before him in checkered shadow and light; but ever with +each stalked one disquieting and dark remembrance,--the loss of his only +son. + +Weaving his ambition with the wish to revive the pride of his hereditary +name, every acquisition of fortune or of fame rendered him yet more +anxious to find the only one who could perpetuate these hollow +distinctions to his race. + +"I shall recover him yet!" he broke out suddenly and aloud. As he spoke, +a quick, darting, spasmodic pain ran shivering through his whole frame, +and then fixed for one instant on his heart with a gripe like the talons +of a bird; it passed away, and was followed by a deadly sickness. +Brandon rose, and filling himself a large tumbler of water, drank with +avidity. The sickness passed off like the preceding pain; but the +sensation had of late been often felt by Brandon, and disregarded,--for +few persons were less afflicted with the self-torture of hypochondria; +but now, that night, whether it was more keen than usual, or whether his +thought had touched on the string that jars naturally on the most +startling of human anticipations, we know not, but, as he resumed his +seat, the idea of his approaching dissolution shot like an ice-bolt +through his breast. + +So intent was this scheming man upon the living objects of the world, and +so little were his thoughts accustomed to turn toward the ultimate goal +of all things, that this idea obtruding itself abruptly upon him, +startled him with a ghastly awe. He felt the colour rush from his cheek, +and a tingling and involuntary pain ran wandering through the channels of +his blood, even from the roots of the hair to the soles of his feet. But +the stern soul of Brandon was not one which shadows could long affright. +He nerved himself to meet the grim thought thus forced upon his mental +eye, and he gazed on it with a steady and enduring look. + +"Well," thought he, "is my hour coming, or have I yet the ordinary term +of mortal nature to expect? It is true, I have lately suffered these +strange revulsions of the frame with somewhat of an alarming frequency; +perhaps this medicine, which healed the anguish of one infirmity, has +produced another more immediately deadly. Yet why should I think this? +My sleep is sound and calm, my habits temperate, my mind active and clear +as in its best days. In my youth I never played the traitor with my +constitution; why should it desert me at the very threshold of my age? +Nay, nay, these are but passing twitches, chills of the blood that begins +to wax thin. Shall I learn to be less rigorous in my diet? Perhaps wine +may reward my abstinence in avoiding it for my luxuries, by becoming a +cordial to my necessities! Ay, I will consult,--I will consult, I must +not die yet. I have--let me see, three--four grades to gain before the +ladder is scaled. And, above all, I must regain my child! Lucy married +to Mauleverer, myself a peer, my son wedded to-whom? Pray God he be not +married already! My nephews and my children nobles! the house of Brandon +restored, my power high in the upward gaze of men, my fame set on a more +lasting basis than a skill in the quirks of law,--these are yet to come; +these I will not die till I have enjoyed! Men die not till their +destinies are fulfilled. The spirit that swells and soars within me says +that the destiny of William Brandon is but half begun!" + +With this conclusion, Brandon sought his pillow. What were the +reflections of the prisoner whom he was to judge? Need we ask? Let us +picture to ourselves his shattered health, the languor of sickness +heightening the gloom which makes the very air of a jail; his certainty +of the doom to be passed against him; his knowledge that the uncle of +Lucy Brandon was to be his judge, that Mauleverer was to be his accuser, +and that in all human probability the only woman he had ever loved must +sooner or later learn the criminality of his life and the ignominy of his +death; let us but glance at the above blackness of circumstances that +surrounded him, and it would seem that there is but little doubt as to +the complexion of his thoughts! Perhaps, indeed, even in that terrible +and desolate hour one sweet face shone on him, "and dashed the darkness +all away." Perhaps, too, whatever might be the stings of his conscience, +one thought, one remembrance of a temptation mastered and a sin escaped, +brought to his eyes tears that were sweet and healing in their source. +But the heart of a man in Clifford's awful situation is dark and +inscrutable; and often when the wildest and gloomiest external +circumstances surround us, their reflection sleeps like a shadow, calm +and still upon the mind. + +The next morning, the whole town of (a town in which, we regret to say, +an accident once detained ourself for three wretched days, and which we +can, speaking therefore from profound experience, assert to be in +ordinary times the most melancholy and peopleless-looking congregation of +houses that a sober imagination can conceive) exhibited a scene of such +bustle, animation, and jovial anxiety as the trial for life or death to a +fellow-creature can alone excite in the phlegmatic breasts of the +English. Around the court the crowd thickened with every moment, until +the whole marketplace in which the townhall was situated became one +living mass. The windows of the houses were filled with women, some of +whom had taken that opportunity to make parties to breakfast; and little +round tables, with tea and toast on them, caught the eyes of the grinning +mobists as they gaped impatiently upwards. + +"Ben," said a stout yeoman, tossing up a halfpenny, and catching the said +coin in his right hand, which he immediately covered with the left,-- +"Ben, heads or tails that Lovett is hanged; heads hanged, tails not, for +a crown." + +"Petticoats, to be sure," quoth Ben, eating an apple; and it was heads! + +"Damme, you've lost!" cried the yeoman, rubbing his rough hands with +glee. + +It would have been a fine sight for Asmodeus, could he have perched on +one of the house tops of the market-place of --------, and looked on the +murmuring and heaving sea of mortality below. Oh! the sight of a crowd +round a court of law or a gibbet ought to make the devil split himself +with laughter. + +While the mob was fretting, and pushing, and swearing, and grinning, and +betting, and picking pockets, and trampling feet, and tearing gowns, and +scrambling nearer and nearer to the doors and windows of the court, +Brandon was slowly concluding his abstemious repast, preparatory to +attendance on his judicial duties. His footman entered with a letter. +Sir William glanced rapidly over the seal (one of those immense +sacrifices of wax used at that day), adorned with a huge coat-of-arms, +surmounted with an earl's coronet, and decorated on either side with +those supporters so dear to heraldic taste. He then tore open the +letter, and read as follows:-- + + MY DEAR SIR WILLIAM,--You know that in the last conversation I had + the Honour to hold with you I alluded, though perhaps somewhat + distantly, to the esteem which his Majesty had personally expressed + for your principles and talents, and his wish to testify it at the + earliest opportunity. There will be, as you are doubtless aware, an + immediate creation of four peerages. Your name stands second on the + list. The choice of title his Majesty graciously leaves to you; but + he has hinted that the respectable antiquity of your family would + make him best pleased were you to select the name of your own + family-seat, which, if I mistake not, is Warlock. You will instruct + me at your leisure as to the manner in which the patent should be + made out, touching the succession, etc. Perhaps (excuse the license + of an old friend) this event may induce you to forsake your long- + cherished celibacy. I need not add that this accession of rank will + be accompanied by professional elevation. You will see by the + papers that the death of --------leaves vacant the dignity of Chief + Baron; and I am at length empowered to offer you a station + proportioned to your character and talents. + + With great consideration, believe me, my dear Sir, Very truly yours, + + Private and Confidential. + + +Brandon's dark eye glanced quickly from the signature of the premier, +affixed to this communication, towards the mirror opposite him. He +strode to it, and examined his own countenance with a long and wistful +gaze. Never, we think, did youthful gallant about to repair to the +trysting-spot, in which fair looks make the greatest of earthly +advantages, gaze more anxiously on the impartial glass than now did the +ascetic and scornful judge; and never, we ween, did the eye of the said +gallant retire with a more satisfied and triumphant expression. + +"Yes, yes!" muttered the judge, "no sign of infirmity is yet written +here; the blood flows clear and warm enough; the cheek looks firm too, +and passing full, for one who was always of the lean kine. Aha! this +letter is a cordial, an elixir vitro. I feel as if a new lease were +granted to the reluctant tenant. Lord Warlock, the first Baron of +Warlock, Lord Chief Baron,--what next?" + +As he spoke, he strode unconsciously away, folding his arms with that +sort of joyous and complacent gesture which implies the idea of a man +hugging himself in a silent delight. Assuredly had the most skilful +physician then looked upon the ardent and all-lighted face, the firm +step, the elastic and muscular frame, the vigorous air of Brandon, as he +mentally continued his soliloquy, he would have predicted for him as fair +a grasp on longevity as the chances of mortal life will allow. He was +interrupted by the servant entering. + +"It is twenty-five minutes after nine, sir," said he, respectfully. + +"Sir,--sir!" repeated Brandon. "Ah, well! so late!" + +"Yes, sir, and the sheriff's carriage is almost at the door." + +"Humph! Minister,--Peer,--Warlock,--succession. My son, my son! would +to God that I could find thee!" + +Such were Brandon's last thoughts as he left the room. It was with great +difficulty, so dense was the crowd, that the judge drove up to the court. +As the carriage slowly passed, the spectators pressed to the windows of +the vehicle, and stood on tiptoe to catch a view of the celebrated +lawyer. Brandon's face, never long indicative of his feelings, had now +settled into its usual gravity; and the severe loftiness of his look +chilled, while it satisfied, the curiosity of the vulgar. It had been +ordered that no person should be admitted until the judge had taken his +seat on the bench; and this order occasioned so much delay, owing to the +accumulated pressure of the vast and miscellaneous group, that it was +more than half an hour before the court was able to obtain that decent +order suiting the solemnity of the occasion. At five minutes before ten +a universal and indescribable movement announced that the prisoner was +put to the bar. We read in one of the journals of that day, that "on +being put to the bar, the prisoner looked round with a long and anxious +gaze, which at length settled on the judge, and then dropped, while the +prisoner was observed to change countenance slightly. Lovett was dressed +in a plain dark suit; he seemed to be about six feet high; and though +thin and worn, probably from the effect of his wound and imprisonment, he +is remarkably well made, and exhibits the outward appearance of that +great personal strength which he is said to possess, and which is not +unfrequently the characteristic of daring criminals. His face is +handsome and prepossessing, his eyes and hair dark, and his complexion +pale, possibly from the effects of his confinement; there was a certain +sternness in his countenance during the greater part of the trial. His +behaviour was remarkably collected and composed. The prisoner listened +with the greatest attention to the indictment, which the reader will find +in another part of our paper, charging him with the highway robbery of +Lord Mauleverer, on the night of the of last. He occasionally inclined +his body forward, and turned his ear towards the court; and he was +observed, as the jury were sworn, to look steadily in the face of each. +He breathed thick and hard when the various aliases he had assumed-- +Howard, Cavendish, Jackson, etc.,--were read; but smiled with an +unaccountable expression when the list was completed, as if exulting at +the varieties of his ingenuity. At twenty-five minutes past ten Mr. +Dyebright, the counsel for the crown, stated the case to the jury." + +Mr. Dyebright was a lawyer of great eminence; he had been a Whig all his +life, but had latterly become remarkable for his insincerity, and +subservience to the wishes of the higher powers. His talents were +peculiar and effective. If he had little eloquence, he had much power; +and his legal knowledge, was sound and extensive. Many of his brethren +excelled him in display; but no one, like him, possessed the secret of +addressing a jury. Winningly familiar; seemingly candid to a degree that +scarcely did justice to his cause, as if he were in an agony lest he +should persuade you to lean a hair-breadth more on his side of the case +than justice would allow; apparently all made up of good, homely, +virtuous feeling, a disinterested regard for truth, a blunt yet tender +honesty, seasoned with a few amiable fireside prejudices, which always +come home to the hearts of your fathers of families and thorough-bred +Britons; versed in all the niceties of language, and the magic of names; +if he were defending crime, carefully calling it misfortune; if attacking +misfortune, constantly calling it crime,--Mr. Dyebright was exactly the +man born to pervert justice, to tickle jurors, to cozen truth with a +friendly smile, and to obtain a vast reputation as an excellent advocate. +He began with a long preliminary flourish on the importance of the case. +He said that he should with the most scrupulous delicacy avoid every +remark calculated to raise unnecessary prejudice against the prisoner. +He should not allude to his unhappy notoriety, his associations with the +lowest dregs. (Here up jumped the counsel for the prisoner, and Mr. +Dyebright was called to order.) "God knows," resumed the learned +gentleman, looking wistfully at the jury, "that my learned friend might +have spared himself this warning. God knows that I would rather fifty of +the wretched inmates of this county jail were to escape unharmed than +that a hair of the prisoner you behold at the bar should be unjustly +touched. The life of a human being is at stake; we should be guilty +ourselves of a crime which on our deathbeds we should tremble to recall, +were we to suffer any consideration, whether of interest or of prejudice, +or of undue fear for our own properties and lives, to bias us even to the +turning of a straw against the unfortunate prisoner. Gentlemen, if you +find me travelling a single inch from my case,--if you find me saying a +single word calculated to harm the prisoner in your eyes, and unsupported +by the evidence I shall call,--then I implore you not to depend upon the +vigilance of my learned friend, but to treasure these my errors in your +recollection, and to consider them as so many arguments in favour of the +prisoner. If, gentlemen, I could by any possibility imagine that your +verdict would be favourable to the prisoner, I can, unaffectedly and from +the bottom of my heart, declare to you that I should rejoice; a case +might be lost, but a fellow-creature would be saved! Callous as we of +the legal profession are believed, we have feelings like you; and I ask +any one of you, gentlemen of the jury, any one who has ever felt the +pleasures of social intercourse, the joy of charity, the heart's reward +of benevolence,--I ask any one of you, whether, if he were placed in the +arduous situation I now hold, all the persuasions of vanity would not +vanish at once from his mind, and whether his defeat as an advocate would +not be rendered dear to him by the common and fleshly sympathies of a +man. But, gentlemen" (Mr. Dyebright's voice at once deepened and +faltered), "there is a duty, a painful duty, we owe to our country; and +never, in the long course of my professional experience, do I remember an +instance in which it was more called forth than in the present. Mercy, +gentlemen, is dear, very dear to us all; but it is the deadliest injury +we can inflict on mankind when it is bought at the expense of justice." + +The learned gentleman then, after a few further prefatory observations, +proceeded to state how, on the night of ------- last, Lord Mauleverer was +stopped and robbed by three men masked, of a sum of money amounting to +above L350, a diamond snuff-box, rings, watch, and a case of most +valuable jewels,--how Lord Mauleverer, in endeavouring to defend himself, +had passed a bullet through the clothes of one of the robbers,--how it +would be proved that the garments of the prisoner, found in a cave in +Oxfordshire, and positively sworn to by a witness he should produce, +exhibited a rent similar to such a one as a bullet would produce,--how, +moreover, it would be positively sworn to by the same witness, that the +prisoner Lovett had come to the cavern with two accomplices not since +taken up, since their rescue by the prisoner, and boasted of the robbery +he had just committed; that in the clothes and sleeping apartment of the +robber the articles stolen from Lord Mauleverer were found; and that the +purse containing the notes for L300, the only thing the prisoner could +probably have obtained time to carry off with him, on the morning on +which the cave was entered by the policemen, was found on his person on +the day on which be had attempted the rescue of his comrades, and had +been apprehended in that attempt. He stated, moreover, that the dress +found in the cavern, and sworn to by one witness he should produce as +belonging to the prisoner, answered exactly to the description of the +clothes worn by the principal robber, and sworn to by Lord Mauleverer, +his servant, and the postilions. In like manner the colour of one of the +horses found in the cavern corresponded with that rode by the highwayman. +On these circumstantial proofs, aided by the immediate testimony of the +king's evidence (that witness whom he should produce) he rested a case +which could, he averred, leave no doubt on the minds of an impartial +jury. Such, briefly and plainly alleged, made the substance of the +details entered into by the learned counsel, who then proceeded to call +his witnesses. The evidence of Lord Mauleverer (who was staying at +Mauleverer Park, which was within a few miles of--) was short and clear +(it was noticed as a singular circumstance, that at the end of the +evidence the prisoner bowed respectfully to his lordship). The witness +of the postilions and of the valet was no less concise; nor could all the +ingenuity of Clifford's counsel shake any part of their evidence in his +cross-examination. The main witness depended on by the crown was now +summoned, and the solemn countenance of Peter MacGrawler rose on the eyes +of the jury. One look of cold and blighting contempt fell on him from +the eye of the prisoner, who did not again deign to regard him during the +whole of his examination. + +The witness of MacGrawler was delivered with a pomposity worthy of the +ex-editor of the "Asinaeum." Nevertheless, by the skill of Mr. +Dyebright, it was rendered sufficiently clear a story to leave an +impression on the jury damnatory to the interests of the prisoner. The +counsel on the opposite side was not slow in perceiving the ground +acquired by the adverse party; so, clearing his throat, he rose with a +sneering air to the cross-examination. + +"So, so," began Mr. Botheram, putting on a pair of remarkably large +spectacles, wherewith he truculently regarded the witness,--"so, so, Mr. +MacGrawler,--is that your name, eh, eh? Ah, it is, is it? A very +respectable name it is too, I warrant. Well, sir, look at me. Now, on +your oath, remember, were you ever the editor of a certain thing +published every Wednesday, and called the 'Athenaeum,' or the 'Asinaeum,' +or some such name?" + +Commencing with this insidious and self-damnatory question, the learned +counsel then proceeded, as artfully as he was able, through a series of +interrogatories calculated to injure the character, the respectable +character, of MacGrawler, and weaken his testimony in the eyes of the +jury. He succeeded in exciting in the audience that feeling of merriment +wherewith the vulgar are always so delighted to intersperse the dull +seriousness of hanging a human being. But though the jury themselves +grinned, they were not convinced. The Scotsman retired from the witness- +box "scotched," perhaps, in reputation, but not "killed" as to testimony. +It was just before this witness concluded, that Lord Mauleverer caused to +be handed to the judge a small slip of paper, containing merely these +words in pencil:-- + + DEAR BRANDON,--A dinner waits you at Mauleverer Park, only three + miles hence. Lord--and the Bishop of--meet you. Plenty of news + from London, and a letter about you, which I will show to no one + till we meet. Make haste and hang this poor fellow, that I may see + you the sooner; and it is bad for both of us to wait long for a + regular meal like dinner. I can't stay longer, it is so hot, and my + nerves were always susceptible. + + Yours, MAULEVERER. + + If you will come, give me a nod. You know my hour,--it is always + the same. + + +The judge, glancing over the note, inclined his head gravely to the earl, +who withdrew; and in one minute afterwards, a heavy and breathless +silence fell over the whole court. The prisoner was called upon for his +defence: it was singular what a different sensation to that existing in +their breasts the moment before crept thrillingly through the audience. +Hushed was every whisper, vanished was every smile that the late cross- +examination had excited; a sudden and chilling sense of the dread +importance of the tribunal made itself abruptly felt in the minds of +every one present. + +Perhaps, as in the gloomy satire of Hogarth (the moral Mephistopheles of +painters), the close neighbourhood of pain to mirth made the former come +with the homelier shock to the heart; be that as it may, a freezing +anxiety, numbing the pulse and stirring through the air, made every man +in that various crowd feel a sympathy of awe with his neighbour, +excepting only the hardened judge and the hackneyed lawyers, and one +spectator,--an idiot who had thrust himself in with the general press, +and stood, within a few paces of the prisoner, grinning unconsciously, +and every now and then winking with a glassy eye at some one at a +distance, whose vigilance he had probably eluded. + +The face and aspect, even the attitude, of the prisoner were well fitted +to heighten the effect which would naturally have been created by any man +under the same fearful doom. He stood at the very front of the bar, and +his tall and noble figure was drawn up to its full height; a glow of +excitement spread itself gradually over features at all times striking, +and lighted an eye naturally eloquent, and to which various emotions at +that time gave a more than commonly deep and impressive expression. He +began thus:-- + +"My lord, I have little to say, and I may at once relieve the anxiety of +my counsel, who now looks wistfully upon me, and add that that little +will scarcely embrace the object of defence. Why should I defend myself? +Why should I endeavour to protract a life that a few days, more or less, +will terminate, according to the ordinary calculations of chance? Such +as it is and has been, my life is vowed to the law, and the law will have +the offering. Could I escape from this indictment, I know that seven +others await me, and that by one or the other of these my conviction and +my sentence must come. Life may be sweet to all of us, my lord; and were +it possible that mine could be spared yet a while, that continued life +might make a better atonement for past actions than a death which, abrupt +and premature, calls for repentance while it forbids redress. + +"But when the dark side of things is our only choice, it is useless to +regard the bright; idle to fix our eyes upon life, when death is at hand; +useless to speak of contrition, when we are denied its proof. It is the +usual policy of prisoners in my situation to address the feelings and +flatter the prejudices of the jury; to descant on the excellence of our +laws, while they endeavour to disarm them; to praise justice, yet demand +mercy; to talk of expecting acquittal, yet boast of submitting without a +murmur to condemnation. For me, to whom all earthly interests are dead, +this policy is idle and superfluous. I hesitate not to tell you, my lord +judge,--to proclaim to you, gentlemen of the jury,--that the laws which I +have broken through my life I despise in death! Your laws are but of two +classes; the one makes criminals, the other punishes them. I have +suffered by the one; I am about to perish by the other. + +"My lord, it was the turn of a straw which made me what I am. Seven +years ago I was sent to the house of correction for an offence which I +did not commit. I went thither, a boy who had never infringed a single +law; I came forth, in a few weeks, a man who was prepared to break all +laws! Whence was this change? Was it my fault, or that of my +condemners? You had first wronged me by a punishment which I did not +deserve; you wronged me yet more deeply when (even had I been guilty of +the first offence) I was sentenced to herd with hardened offenders, and +graduates in vice and vice's methods of support. The laws themselves +caused me to break the laws: first, by implanting within me the goading +sense of injustice; secondly, by submitting me to the corruption of +example. Thus, I repeat,--and I trust my words will sink solemnly into +the hearts of all present,--your legislation made me what I am; and it +now destroys me, as it has destroyed thousands, for being what it made +me! But for this, the first aggression on me, I might have been what the +world terms honest,--I might have advanced to old age and a peaceful +grave through the harmless cheateries of trade or the honoured falsehoods +of a profession. Nay, I might have supported the laws which I have now +braved; like the counsel opposed to me, I might have grown sleek on the +vices of others, and advanced to honour by my ingenuity in hanging my +fellow-creatures! The canting and prejudging part of the Press has +affected to set before you the merits of 'honest ability,' or 'laborious +trade,' in opposition to my offences. What, I beseech you, are the props +of your 'honest' exertion,--the profits of 'trade'? Are there no bribes +to menials? Is there no adulteration of goods? Are the rich never duped +in the price they pay? Are the poor never wronged in the quality they +receive? Is there honesty in the bread you eat, in a single necessity +which clothes or feeds or warms you? Let those whom the law protects +consider it a protector: when did it ever protect me? When did it ever +protect the poor man? The government of a State, the institutions of +law, profess to provide for all those who 'obey.' Mark! a man hungers,-- +do you feed him? He is naked,--do you clothe him? If not, you break +your covenant, you drive him back to the first law of nature, and you +hang him, not because he is guilty, but because you have left him naked +and starving! [A murmur among the mob below, with great difficulty +silenced.] One thing only I will add, and that not to move your mercy,-- +no, nor to invest my fate with an idle and momentary interest,--but +because there are some persons in this world who have not known me as +the criminal who stands before you, and whom the tidings of my fate may +hereafter reach; and I would not have those persons view me in blacker +colours than I deserve. Among all the rumours, gentlemen, that have +reached you, through all the tales and fables kindled from my unhappy +notoriety and my approaching doom, I put it to you, if you have heard +that I have committed one sanguinary action or one ruinous and deliberate +fraud. You have heard that I have lived by the plunder of the rich,--I +do not deny the charge. From the grinding of the poor, the habitual +overreaching, or the systematic pilfering of my neighbours, my conscience +is as free as it is from the charge of cruelty and bloodshed. Those +errors I leave to honest mediocrity or virtuous exertion! You may +perhaps find, too, that my life has not passed through a career of +outrage without scattering some few benefits on the road. In destroying +me, it is true that you will have the consolation to think that among the +benefits you derive from my sentence will be the salutary encouragement +you give to other offenders to offend to the last, degree, and to divest +outrage of no single aggravation! But if this does not seem to you any +very powerful inducement, you may pause before you cut off from all +amendment a man who seems neither wholly hardened nor utterly beyond +atonement. My lord, my counsel would have wished to summon witnesses,-- +some to bear testimony to redeeming points in my own character, others to +invalidate the oath of the witness against me,--a man whom I saved from +destruction in order that he might destroy me. I do not think either +necessary. The public Press has already said of me what little good does +not shock the truth; and had I not possessed something of those qualities +which society does not disesteem, you would not have beheld me here at +this hour! If I had saved myself as well as my companions, I should have +left this country, perhaps forever, and commenced a very different career +abroad. I committed offences; I eluded you; I committed what, in my +case, was an act of duty: I am seized, and I perish. But the weakness of +my body destroys me, not the strength of your malice. Had I" (and as the +prisoner spake, the haughty and rapid motion, the enlarging of the form, +produced by the passion of the moment, made impressively conspicuous to +all the remarkable power of his frame),--"had I but my wonted health, my +wonted command over these limbs and these veins, I would have asked no +friend, no ally, to favour my escape. I tell you, engines and guardians +of the law, that I would have mocked your chains and defied your walls, +as ye know that I have mocked and defied them before. But my blood +creeps now only in drops through its courses; and the heart that I had of +old stirs feebly and heavily within me." The prisoner paused a moment, +and resumed in an altered tone: "Leaving, then, my own character to the +ordeal of report, I cannot perhaps do better than leave to the same +criterion that of the witness against me. I will candidly own that under +other circumstances it might have been otherwise. I will candidly avow +that I might have then used such means as your law awards me to procure +an acquittal and to prolong my existence,--though in a new scene; as it +is, what matters the cause in which I receive my sentence? Nay, it is +even better to suffer by the first than to linger to the last. It is +some consolation not again to stand where I now stand; to go through the +humbling solemnities which I have this day endured; to see the smile of +some, and retort the frown of others; to wrestle with the anxiety of the +heart, and to depend on the caprice of the excited nerves. It is +something to feel one part of the drama of disgrace is over, and that I +may wait unmolested in my den until, for one time only, I am again the +butt of the unthinking and the monster of the crowd. My lord, I have now +done! To you, whom the law deems the prisoner's counsel,--to you, +gentlemen of the jury, to whom it has delegated his fate,--I leave the +chances of my life." + +The prisoner ceased; but the same heavy silence which, save when broken +by one solitary murmur, had lain over the court during his speech, still +continued even for several moments after that deep and firm voice had +died on the ear. So different had been the defence of the prisoner from +that which had been expected; so assuredly did the more hackneyed part of +the audience, even as he had proceeded, imagine that by some artful turn +he would at length wind into the usual courses of defence,--that when his +unfaltering and almost stern accents paused, men were not prepared to +feel that his speech was finished, and the pause involuntarily jarred on +them as untimeous and abrupt. At length, when each of the audience +slowly awoke to the conviction that the prisoner had indeed concluded his +harangue, a movement, eloquent of feelings released from a suspense, +which had been perhaps the more earnest and the more blended with awe, +from the boldness and novelty of the words on which it hung, circled +round the court. The jurors looked confusedly at each other, but not one +of them spoke, even by a whisper; their feelings, which had been aroused +by the speech of the prisoner, had not from its shortness, its +singularity, and the haughty impolicy of its tone, been so far guided by +its course as to settle into any state of mind clearly favourable to him, +or the reverse; so that each man waited for his neighbour to speak first, +in order that he might find, as it were, in another, a kind of clew to +the indistinct and excited feelings which wanted utterance in himself. + +The judge, who had been from the first attracted by the air and aspect of +the prisoner, had perhaps, notwithstanding the hardness of his mind, more +approvingly than any one present listened to the defence; for in the +scorn of the hollow institutions and the mock honesty of social life, so +defyingly manifested by the prisoner, Brandon recognized elements of mind +remarkably congenial to his own; and this sympathy was heightened by the +hardihood of physical nerve and moral intrepidity displayed by the +prisoner,--qualities which among men of a similar mould often form the +strongest motive of esteem, and sometimes (as we read of in the Imperial +Corsican and his chiefs) the only point of attraction! Brandon was, +however, soon recalled to his cold self by a murmur of vague applause +circling throughout the common crowd, among whom the general impulse +always manifests itself first, and to whom the opinions of the prisoner, +though but imperfectly understood, came more immediately home than they +did to the better and richer classes of the audience. Ever alive to the +decorums of form, Brandon instantly ordered silence in the court; and +when it was again restored, and it was fully understood that the +prisoner's defence had closed, the judge proceeded to sum up. + +It is worthy of remark that many of the qualities of mind which seem most +unamiable in private life often conduce with a singular felicity to the +ends of public; and thus the stony firmness characteristic of Brandon was +a main cause which made him admirable as a judge,--for men in office err +no less from their feelings than their interests. + +Glancing over his notes, the judge inclined himself to the jury, and +began with that silver ringing voice which particularly distinguished +Brandon's eloquence, and carried with it in high stations so majestic and +candid a tone of persuasion. He pointed out, with a clear brevity, the +various points of the evidence; he dwelt for a moment on the attempt to +cast disrepute upon the testimony of MacGrawler, but called a proper +attention to the fact that the attempt had been unsupported by witnesses +or proof. As he proceeded, the impression made by the prisoner on the +minds of the jury slowly melted away; and perhaps, so much do men soften +when they behold clearly the face of a fellow-man dependent on them for +life, it acted disadvantageously on the interests of Clifford, that +during the summing up he leaned back in the dock, and prevented his +countenance from being seen. When the evidence had been gone through, +the judge concluded thus:-- + +"The prisoner, who in his defence (on the principles and opinions of +which I now forbear to comment) certainly exhibited the signs of a +superior education, and a high though perverted ability, has alluded to +the reports circulated by the public Press, and leaned some little stress +on the various anecdotes tending to his advantage, which he supposes have +reached your ears. I am by no means willing that the prisoner should be +deprived of whatever benefit may be derivable from such a source; but it +is not in this place, nor at this moment, that it can avail him. All you +have to consider is the evidence before you. All on which you have to +decide is, whether the prisoner be or be not guilty of the robbery of +which he is charged. You must not waste a thought on what redeems or +heightens a supposed crime,--you must only decide on the crime itself. +Put away from your minds, I beseech you, all that interferes with the +main case. Put away also from your motives of decision all forethought +of other possible indictments to which the prisoner has alluded, but with +which you are necessarily unacquainted. If you doubt the evidence, +whether of one witness or of all, the prisoner must receive from you the +benefit of that doubt. If not, you are sworn to a solemn oath, which +ordains you to forego all minor considerations,--which compels you to +watch narrowly that you be not influenced by the infirmities natural to +us all, but criminal in you, to lean towards the side of a mercy that +would be rendered by your oath a perjury to God, and by your duty as +impartial citizens a treason to your country. I dismiss you to the grave +consideration of the important case you have heard; and I trust that He +to whom all hearts are open and all secrets are known, will grant you the +temper and the judgment to form a right decision!" + +There was in the majestic aspect and thrilling voice of Brandon something +which made the commonest form of words solemn and impressive; and the +hypocrite, aware of this felicity of manner, generally, as now, added +weight to his concluding words by a religious allusion or a Scriptural +phraseology. He ceased; and the jury, recovering the effect of his +adjuration, consulted for a moment among themselves. The foreman then, +addressing the court on behalf of his fellow-jurors, requested leave to +retire for deliberation. An attendant bailiff being sworn in, we read in +the journals of the day, which noted the divisions of time with that +customary scrupulosity rendered terrible by the reflection how soon all +time and seasons may perish for the hero of the scene, that "it was at +twenty-five minutes to two that the jury withdrew." + +Perhaps in the whole course of a criminal trial there is no period more +awful than that occupied by the deliberation of the jury. In the present +case the prisoner, as if acutely sensible of his situation, remained in +the rear of the dock, and buried his face in his hands. They who stood +near him observed, however, that his breast did not seem to swell with +the convulsive emotion customary to persons in his state, and that not +even a sigh or agitated movement escaped him. The jury had been absent +about twenty minutes, when a confused noise was heard in the court. The +face of the judge turned in commanding severity towards the quarter +whence it proceeded. He perceived a man of a coarse garb and mean +appearance endeavouring rudely and violently to push his way through the +crowd towards the bench, and at the same instant he saw one of the +officers of the court approaching the disturber of its tranquillity with +no friendly intent. The man, aware of the purpose of the constable, +exclaimed with great vehemence, "I vill give this to my lord the judge, +blow me if I von't!" and as he spoke he raised high above his head a +soiled scrap of paper folded awkwardly in the shape of a letter. The +instant Brandon's eye caught the rugged features of the intrusive +stranger, he motioned with rather less than his usual slowness of gesture +to one of his official satellites. "Bring me that paper instantly!" he +whispered. + +The officer bowed and obeyed. The man, who seemed a little intoxicated, +gave it with a look of ludicrous triumph and self-importance. + +"Stand avay, man!" he added to the constable, who now laid hand on his +collar. "You'll see vot the judge says to that 'ere bit of paper; and so +vill the prisoner, poor fellow!" + +This scene, so unworthy the dignity of the court, attracted the notice +and (immediately around the intruder) the merriment of the crowd; and +many an eye was directed towards Brandon, as with calm gravity he opened +the note and glanced over the contents. In a large school-boy hand-it +was the hand of Long Ned--were written these few words: + + MY LORD JUDGE,--I make bold to beg you will do all you can for the + prisoner at the barre, as he is no other than the "Paul" I spoke to + your Worship about. You know what I mean. + + DUMMIE DUNNAKER. + + +As he read this note, the judge's head was observed to droop suddenly, as +if by a sickness or a spasm; but he recovered himself instantly, and +whispering the officer who brought him the note, said, "See that that +madman be immediately removed from the court, and lock him up alone. He +is so deranged as to be dangerous!" + +The officer lost not a moment in seeing the order executed. Three stout +constables dragged the astounded Dummie from the court in an instant, yet +the more ruthlessly for his ejaculating,-- + +"Eh, sirs, what's this? I tells you I have saved the judge's hown flesh +and blood! Vy, now, gently, there; you'll smart for this, my fine +fellow! Never you mind, Paul, my 'arty; I 'se done you a pure good--" + +"Silence!" proclaimed the voice of the judge; and that voice came forth +with so commanding a tone of power that it awed Dummie, despite his +intoxication. In a moment more, and ere he had time to recover, he was +without the court. During this strange hubbub, which nevertheless +scarcely lasted above two or three minutes, the prisoner had not once +lifted his head, nor appeared aroused in any manner from his revery; and +scarcely had the intruder been withdrawn before the jury returned. + +The verdict was, as all had foreseen, "Guilty;" but it was coupled with a +strong recommendation to mercy. + +The prisoner was then asked, in the usual form, whether he had to say +anything why sentence of death should not be passed against him. + +As these dread words struck upon his ear, slowly the prisoner rose. He +directed first towards the jury a brief and keen glance, and his eyes +then rested full, and with a stern significance, on the face of his +judge. + +"My lord," he began, "I have but one reason to advance against the +sentence of the law. If you have interest to prevent or mitigate it, +that reason will, I think, suffice to enlist you on my behalf. I said +that the first cause of those offences against the law which brings me to +this bar was the committing me to prison on a charge of which I was +wholly innocent! My lord judge, you were the man who accused me of that +charge, and subjected me to that imprisonment! Look at me well, my lord, +and you may trace in the countenance of the hardened felon you are about +to adjudge to death the features of a boy whom, some seven years ago, you +accused before a London magistrate of the theft of your watch. On the +oath of a man who has one step on the threshold of death, the accusation +was unjust. And, fit minister of the laws you represent! you, who will +now pass my doom,--You were the cause of my crimes! My lord, I have +done. I am ready to add another to the long and dark list of victims who +are first polluted and then sacrificed by the blindness and the injustice +of human codes!" + +While Clifford spoke, every eye turned from him to the judge, and every +one was appalled by the ghastly and fearful change which had fallen over +Brandon's face. Men said, afterwards, that they saw written there, in +terrible distinctness, the characters of death; and there certainly +seemed something awful and preternatural in the bloodless and haggard +calmness of his proud features. Yet his eye did not quail, nor the +muscles of his lip quiver; and with even more than his wonted loftiness, +he met the regard of the prisoner. But, as alone conspicuous throughout +the motionless and breathless crowd the judge and criminal gazed upon +each other, and as the eyes of the spectators wandered on each, a +thrilling and electric impression of a powerful likeness between the +doomed and the doomer, for the first time in the trial, struck upon the +audience, and increased, though they scarcely knew why, the sensation of +pain and dread which the prisoner's last words excited. Perhaps it might +have chiefly arisen from a common expression of fierce emotion conquered +by an iron and stern character of mind; or perhaps, now that the ashy +paleness of exhaustion had succeeded the excited flush on the prisoner's +face, the similarity of complexion thus obtained made the likeness more +obvious than before; or perhaps the spectators had not hitherto fixed so +searching, or, if we may so speak, so alternating a gaze upon the two. +However that be, the resemblance between the men, placed as they were in +such widely different circumstances,--that resemblance which, as we have +hinted, had at certain moments occurred startlingly to Lucy,--was plain +and unavoidably striking: the same the dark hue of their complexions; the +same the haughty and Roman outline of their faces; the same the height of +the forehead; the same even a displeasing and sarcastic rigidity of +mouth, which made the most conspicuous feature in Brandon, and which was +the only point that deteriorated from the singular beauty of Clifford. +But, above all, the same inflexible, defying, stubborn spirit, though in +Brandon it assumed the stately cast of majesty, and in Clifford it seemed +the desperate sternness of the bravo, stamped itself in both. Though +Clifford ceased, he did not resume his seat, but stood in the same +attitude as that in which he had reversed the order of things, and merged +the petitioner in the accuser; and Brandon himself, without speaking or +moving, continued still to survey him; so, with erect fronts and marble +countenances, in which what was defying and resolute did not altogether +quell the mortal leaven of pain and dread, they looked as might have +looked the two men in the Eastern story who had the power of gazing each +other unto death. + +What at that moment was raging in Brandon's heart, it is in vain to +guess. He doubted not for a moment that he beheld before him his long +lost, his anxiously demanded son! Every fibre, every corner of his +complex and gloomy soul, that certainly reached, and blasted with a +hideous and irresistible glare. The earliest, perhaps the strongest, +though often the least acknowledged principle of his mind was the desire +to rebuild the fallen honours of his house; its last scion he now beheld +before him, covered with the darkest ignominies of the law! He had +coveted worldly honours; he beheld their legitimate successor in a +convicted felon! He had garnered the few affections he had spared from +the objects of pride and ambition, in his son. That son he was about to +adjudge to the gibbet and the hangman! Of late he had increased the +hopes of regaining his lost treasure, even to an exultant certainty. Lo! +the hopes were accomplished! How? With these thoughts warring, in what +manner we dare not even by an epithet express, within him, we may cast +one hasty glance on the horror of aggravation they endured, when he heard +the prisoner accuse Him as the cause of his present doom, and felt +himself at once the murderer and the judge of his son! + +Minutes had elapsed since the voice of the prisoner ceased; and Brandon +now drew forth the black cap. As he placed it slowly over his brows, the +increasing and corpse-like whiteness of his face became more glaringly +visible, by the contrast which this dread head-gear presented. Twice as +he essayed to speak his voice failed him, and an indistinct murmur came +forth from his hueless lips, and died away like a fitful and feeble wind. +But with the third effort the resolution and long self-tyranny of the man +conquered, and his voice went clear and unfaltering through the crowd, +although the severe sweetness of its wonted tones was gone, and it +sounded strange and hollow on the ears that drank it. + +"Prisoner at the bar! it has become my duty to announce to you the close +of your mortal career. You have been accused of a daring robbery, and +after an impartial trial a jury of your countrymen and the laws of your +country have decided against you. The recommendation to mercy" (here, +only throughout his speech, Brandon gasped convulsively for breath) "so +humanely added by the jury, shall be forwarded to the supreme power; but +I cannot flatter you with much hope of its success." (The lawyers looked +with some surprise at each other; they had expected a far more +unqualified mandate, to abjure all hope from the jury's recommendation.) +"Prisoner, for the opinions you have expressed, you are now only +answerable to your God; I forbear to arraign them. For the charge you +have made against me, whether true or false, and for the anguish it has +given me, may you find pardon at another tribunal! It remains for me +only--under a reserve too slight, as I have said, to afford you a fair +promise of hope--only to--to" (all eyes were on Brandon; he felt it, +exerted himself for a last effort, and proceeded)--"to pronounce on you +the sharp sentence of the law! It is, that you be taken back to the +prison whence you came, and thence (when the supreme authority shall +appoint) to the place of execution, to be there hanged by the neck till +you are dead; and the Lord God Almighty have mercy on your soul!" + +With this address concluded that eventful trial; and while the crowd, in +rushing and noisy tumult, bore towards the door, Brandon, concealing to +the last with a Spartan bravery the anguish which was gnawing at his +entrails, retired from the awful pageant. For the next half-hour he was +locked up with the strange intruder on the proceedings of the court. At +the end of that time the stranger was dismissed; and in about double the +same period Brandon's servant re-admitted him, accompanied by another +man, with a slouched hat and in a carman's frock. The reader need not be +told that the new comer was the friendly Ned, whose testimony was indeed +a valuable corroborative to Dummie's, and whose regard for Clifford, +aided by an appetite for rewards, had induced him to venture to the town +of -----, although he tarried concealed in a safe suburb, until reassured +by a written promise from Brandon of safety to his person, and a sum for +which we might almost doubt whether he would not have consented (so long +had he been mistaking means for an end) to be hanged himself. Brandon +listened to the details of these confederates; and when they had +finished, he addressed them thus: "I have heard you, and am convinced you +are liars and impostors. There is the money I promised you" (throwing +down a pocket-book),--"take it; and, hark you, if ever you dare whisper, +ay, but a breath of the atrocious lie you have now forged, be sure I will +have you dragged from the recess or nook of infamy in which you may hide +your heads, and hanged for the crimes you have already committed. I am +not the man to break my word. Begone! quit this town instantly! If in +two hours hence you are found here, your blood be on your own heads! +Begone, I say!" + +These words, aided by a countenance well adapted at all times to +expressions of a menacing and ruthless character, at once astounded and +appalled the accomplices. They left the room in hasty confusion; and +Brandon, now alone, walked with uneven steps (the alarming weakness and +vacillation of which he did not himself feel) to and fro the apartment. +The hell of his breast was stamped upon his features, but he uttered only +one thought aloud,-- + +"I may,--yes, yes,--I may yet conceal this disgrace to my name!" + +His servant tapped at the door to say that the carriage was ready, and +that Lord Mauleverer had bid him remind his master that they dined +punctually at the hour appointed. + +"I am coming!" said Brandon, with a slow and startling emphasis on each +word. But he first sat down and wrote a letter to the official quarter, +strongly aiding the recommendation of the Jury; and we may conceive how +pride clung to him to the last, when he urged the substitution for death +of transportation for life! As soon as he had sealed this letter, he +summoned an express, gave his orders coolly and distinctly, and attempted +with his usual stateliness of step to walk through a long passage which +led to the outer door. He found himself fail. "Come hither," he said to +his servant, "give me your arm!" + +All Brandon's domestics, save the one left with Lucy, stood in awe of +him; and it was with some hesitation that his servant ventured to inquire +if his master felt well. + +Brandon looked at him, but made no reply. He entered his carriage with +slight difficulty, and telling the coachman to drive as fast as possible, +pulled down (a general custom with him) all the blinds of the windows. + +Meanwhile Lord Mauleverer, with six friends, was impatiently awaiting the +arrival of the seventh guest. + +"Our August friend tarries!" quoth the Bishop of -------, with his hands +folded across his capacious stomach. "I fear the turbot your lordship +spoke of may not be the better for the length of the trial." + +"Poor fellow!" said the Earl of --------, slightly yawning. + +"Whom do you mean?" asked Lord Mauleverer, with a smile,--"the bishop, +the judge, or the turbot?" + +"Not one of the three, Mauleverer,--I spoke of the prisoner." + +"Ah, the fine dog! I forgot him," said Mauleverer. "Really, now you +mention him, I must confess that he inspires me with great compassion; +but, indeed, it is very wrong in him to keep the judge so long!" + +"Those hardened wretches have such a great deal to say," mumbled the +bishop, sourly. + +"True!" said Mauleverer; "a religious rogue would have had some bowels +for the state of the church esurient." + +"Is it really true, Mauleverer," asked the Earl of ------, "that Brandon +is to succeed?" + +"So I hear," said Mauleverer. "Heavens, how hungry I am!" + +A groan from the bishop echoed the complaint. + +"I suppose it would be against all decorum to sit down to dinner without +him?" said Lord --------. + +"Why, really, I fear so," returned Mauleverer. "But our health--our +health is at stake; we will only wait five minutes more. By Jove, +there's the carriage! I beg your pardon for my heathen oath, my lord +bishop." + +"I forgive you!" said the good bishop, smiling. + +The party thus engaged in colloquy were stationed at a window opening on +the gravel road, along which the judge's carriage was now seen rapidly +approaching; this window was but a few yards from the porch, and had been +partially opened for the better reconnoitring the approach of the +expected guest. + +"He keeps the blinds down still! Absence of mind, or shame at +unpunctuality,--which is the cause, Mauleverer?" said one of the party. + +"Not shame, I fear!" answered Mauleverer. "Even the indecent immorality +of delaying our dinner could scarcely bring a blush to the parchment skin +of my learned friend." + +Here the carriage stopped at the porch; the carriage door was opened. + +"There seems a strange delay," said Mauleverer, peevishly. "Why does not +he get out?" + +As he spoke, a murmur among the attendants, who appeared somewhat +strangely to crowd around the carriage, smote the ears of the party. + +"What do they say,--what?" said Mauleverer, putting his hand to his ear. + +The bishop answered hastily; and Mauleverer, as he heard the reply, +forgot for once his susceptibility to cold, and hurried out to the +carriage door. His guests followed. + +They found Brandon leaning against the farther corner of the carriage,--a +corpse. One hand held the check-string, as if he had endeavoured +involuntarily but ineffectually to pull it. The right side of his face +was partially distorted, as by convulsion or paralysis; but not +sufficiently so to destroy that remarkable expression of loftiness and +severity which had characterized the features in life. At the same time +the distortion which had drawn up on one side the muscles of the mouth +had deepened into a startling broadness the half sneer of derision that +usually lurked around the lower part of his face. Thus unwitnessed and +abrupt had been the disunion of the clay and spirit of a man who, if he +passed through life a bold, scheming, stubborn, unwavering hypocrite, was +not without something high even amidst his baseness, his selfishness, and +his vices; who seemed less to have loved sin than by some strange +perversion of reason to have disdained virtue, and who, by a solemn and +awful suddenness of fate (for who shall venture to indicate the judgment +of the arch and unseen Providence, even when it appears to mortal eye the +least obscured?), won the dreams, the objects, the triumphs of hope, to +be blasted by them at the moment of acquisition! + + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI. + +AND LAST. + + Subtle, Surly,--Mammon, Dol, + Hot Ananias, Dapper, Dragger,--all + With whom I traded. + The Alchemist. + +As when some rural citizen-retired for a fleeting holiday, far from the +cares of the world _strepitumque Romae_,--[" And the roar of Rome."]-- +to the sweet shades of Pentonville or the remoter plains of Clapham-- +conducts some delighted visitor over the intricacies of that Daedalian +masterpiece which he is pleased to call his labyrinth or maze,--now +smiling furtively at his guest's perplexity, now listening with calm +superiority to his futile and erring conjectures, now maliciously +accompanying him through a flattering path in which the baffled +adventurer is suddenly checked by the blank features of a +thoroughfareless hedge, now trembling as he sees the guest stumbling +unawares into the right track, and now relieved as he beholds him after +a pause of deliberation wind into the wrong,--even so, O pleasant reader! +doth the sage novelist conduct thee through the labyrinth of his tale, +amusing himself with thy self-deceits, and spinning forth, in prolix +pleasure, the quiet yarn of his entertainment from the involutions which +occasion thy fretting eagerness and perplexity. But as when, thanks to +the host's good-nature or fatigue, the mystery is once unravelled, and +the guest permitted to penetrate even into the concealed end of the leafy +maze, the honest cit, satisfied with the pleasant pains he has already +bestowed upon his visitor, puts him not to the labour of retracing the +steps he hath so erratically trod, but leads him in three strides, and +through a simpler path, at once to the mouth of the maze, and dismisseth +him elsewhere for entertainment; even so will the prudent narrator, when +the intricacies of his plot are once unfolded, occasion no stale and +profitless delays to his wearied reader, but conduct him, with as much +brevity as convenient, without the labyrinth which has ceased to retain +the interest of a secret. + +We shall therefore, in pursuance of the tit's policy, relate as rapidly +as possible that part of our narrative which yet remains untold. On +Brandon's person was found the paper which had contained so fatal an +intelligence of his son; and when brought to Lord Mauleverer, the words +struck that person (who knew Brandon had been in search of his lost son, +whom we have seen that he had been taught however to suppose +illegitimate, though it is probable that many doubts whether he had not +been deceived must have occurred to his natural sagacity) as sufficiently +important to be worth an inquiry after the writer. Dummie was easily +found, for he had not yet turned his back on the town when the news of +the judge's sudden death was brought back to it; and taking advantage of +that circumstance, the friendly Dunnaker remained altogether in the town +(albeit his long companion deserted it as hastily as might be), and +whiled the time by presenting himself at the jail, and after some +ineffectual efforts winning his way to Clifford. Easily tracked by the +name he had given to the governor of the jail, he was conducted the same +day to Lord Mauleverer; and his narrative, confused as it was, and +proceeding even from so suspicious a quarter, thrilled those digestive +organs, which in Mauleverer stood proxy for a heart, with feelings as +much resembling awe and horror as our good peer was capable of +experiencing. Already shocked from his worldly philosophy of +indifference by the death of Brandon, he was more susceptible to a +remorseful and salutary impression at this moment than he might have been +at any other; and he could not, without some twinges of conscience, think +of the ruin he had brought on the mother of the being he had but just +prosecuted to the death. He dismissed Dummie, and after a little +consideration he ordered his carriage, and leaving the funeral +preparations for his friend to the care of his man of business, he set +off for London, and the house, in particular, of the Secretary of the +Home Department. We would not willingly wrong the noble penitent; +but we venture a suspicion that he might not have preferred a personal +application for mercy to the prisoner to a written one, had he not felt +certain unpleasant qualms in remaining in a country-house overshadowed by +ceremonies so gloomy as those of death. The letter of Brandon and the +application of Mauleverer obtained for Clifford a relaxation of his +sentence. He was left for perpetual transportation. A ship was already +about to sail; and Mauleverer, content with having saved his life, was by +no means anxious that his departure from the country should be saddled +with any superfluous delay. + +Meanwhile the first rumour that reached London respecting Brandon's fate +was that he had been found in a fit, and was lying dangerously ill at +Mauleverer's; and before the second and more fatally sure report arrived, +Lucy had gathered from the visible dismay of Barlow, whom she anxiously +cross-questioned, and who, really loving his master, was easily affected +into communication, the first and more flattering intelligence. To +Barlow's secret delight, she insisted instantly on setting off to the +supposed sick man; and accompanied by Barlow and her woman, the +affectionate girl hastened to Mauleverer's house on the evening after the +day the earl left it. Lucy had not proceeded far before Barlow learned, +from the gossip of the road, the real state of the case. Indeed, it was +at the first stage that with a mournful countenance he approached the +door of the carriage, and announcing the inutility of proceeding farther, +begged of Lucy to turn back. So soon as Miss Brandon had overcome the +first shock which this intelligence gave her, she said with calmness,-- + +"Well, Barlow, if it be so, we have still a duty to perform. Tell the +postboys to drive on!" + +"Indeed, madam, I cannot see what use it can be fretting yourself,--and +you so poorly. If you will let me go, I will see every attention paid to +the remains of my poor master." + +"When my father lay dead," said Lucy, with a grave and sad sternness in +her manner, "he who is now no more sent no proxy to perform the last +duties of a brother; neither will I send one to discharge those of a +niece, and prove that I have forgotten the gratitude of a daughter. +Drive on!" + +We have said that there were times when a spirit was stricken from Lucy +little common to her in general; and now the command of her uncle sat +upon her brow. On sped the horses, and for several minutes Lucy remained +silent. Her woman did not dare to speak. At length Miss Brandon turned, +and, covering her face with her hands, burst into tears so violent that +they alarmed her attendant even more than her previous stillness. "My +poor, poor uncle!" she sobbed; and those were all her words. + +We must pass over Lucy's arrival at Lord Mauleverer's house; we must +pass over the weary days which elapsed till that unconscious body was +consigned to dust with which, could it have retained yet one spark of its +haughty spirit, it would have refused to blend its atoms. She had loved +the deceased incomparably beyond his merits, and resisting all +remonstrance to the contrary and all the forms of ordinary custom, she +witnessed herself the dreary ceremony which bequeathed the human remains +of William Brandon to repose and to the worm. On that same day Clifford +received the mitigation of his sentence, and on that day another trial +awaited Lucy. We think briefly to convey to the reader what that scene +was; we need only observe that Dummie Dunnaker, decoyed by his great love +for little Paul, whom he delightedly said he found not the least "stuck +up by his great fame and helewation," still lingered in the town, and was +not only aware of the relationship of the cousins, but had gleaned from +Long Ned, as they journeyed down to ------, the affection entertained by +Clifford for Lucy. Of the manner in which the communication reached +Lucy, we need not speak; suffice it to say, that on the day in which she +had performed the last duty to her uncle, she learned for the first time +her lover's situation. + +On that evening, in the convict's cell, the cousins met. + +Their conference was low, for the jailer stood within hearing; and it was +broken by Lucy's convulsive sobs. But the voice of one whose iron nerves +were not unworthy of the offspring of William Brandon, was clear and +audible to her ear, even though uttered in a whisper that scarcely +stirred his lips. It seemed as if Lucy, smitten to the inmost heart by +the generosity with which her lover had torn himself from her at the time +that her wealth might have raised him in any other country far above the +perils and the crimes of his career in this; perceiving now, for the +first time, and in all their force, the causes of his mysterious conduct; +melted by their relationship, and forgetting herself utterly in the +desolation and dark situation in which she beheld one who, whatever his +crimes, had not been criminal towards her;--it seemed as if, carried away +by these emotions, she had yielded altogether to the fondness and +devotion of her nature,--that she had wished to leave home and friends +and fortune, and share with him his punishment and his shame. + +"Why," she faltered,--"why--why not? We are all that is left to each +other in the world! Your father and mine were brothers; let me be to you +as a sister. What is there left for me here? Not one being whom I love, +or who cares for me,--not one!" + +It was then that Clifford summoned all his courage, as he answered. +Perhaps, now that he felt (though here his knowledge was necessarily +confused and imperfect) his birth was not unequal to hers; now that he +read, or believed he read, in her wan cheek and attenuated frame that +desertion to her was death, and that generosity and self-sacrifice had +become too late,--perhaps these thoughts, concurring with a love in +himself beyond all words, and a love in her which it was above humanity +to resist, altogether conquered and subdued him. Yet, as we have said, +his voice breathed calmly in her ear; and his eye only, which brightened +with a steady and resolute hope, betrayed his mind. "Live, then!" said +he, as he concluded. "My sister, my mistress, my bride, live! In one +year from this day--I repeat--I promise it thee!" + +The interview was over, and Lucy returned home with a firm step. She was +on foot. The rain fell in torrents, yet even in her precarious state her +health suffered not; and when within a week from that time she read that +Clifford had departed to the bourne of his punishment, she read the news +with a steady eye and a lip that, if it grew paler, did not quiver. + +Shortly after that time Miss Brandon departed to an obscure town by the +seaside; and there, refusing all society, she continued to reside. As +the birth of Clifford was known but to few, and his legitimacy was +unsuspected by all except, perhaps, by Mauleverer, Lucy succeeded to the +great wealth of her uncle; and this circumstance made her more than ever +an object of attraction in the eyes of her noble adorer. Finding himself +unable to see her, he wrote to her more than one moving epistle; but as +Lucy continued inflexible, he at length, disgusted by her want of taste, +ceased his pursuit, and resigned himself to the continued sterility of +unwedded life. As the months waned, Miss Brandon seemed to grow weary of +her retreat; and immediately on attaining her majority, which she did +about eight months after Brandon's death, she transferred the bulk of her +wealth to France, where it was understood (for it was impossible that +rumour should sleep upon an heiress and a beauty) that she intended in +future to reside. Even Warlock (that spell to the proud heart of her +uncle) she ceased to retain. It was offered to the nearest relation of +the family at a sum which he did not hesitate to close with; and by the +common vicissitudes of Fortune, the estate of the ancient Brandons has +now, we perceive by a weekly journal, just passed into the hands of a +wealthy alderman. + +It was nearly a year since Brandon's death when a letter bearing a +foreign postmark came to Lucy. From that time her spirits--which before, +though subject to fits of abstraction, had been even and subdued, not +sad--rose into all the cheerfulness and vivacity of her earliest youth. +She busied herself actively in preparations for her departure from this +country; and at length the day was fixed, and the vessel was engaged. +Every day till that one, did Lucy walk to the seaside, and ascending the +highest cliff, spend hours, till the evening closed, in watching, with +seemingly idle gaze, the vessels that interspersed the sea; and with +every day her health seemed to strengthen, and the soft and lucid colour +she had once worn, to rebloom upon her cheek. + +Previous to her departure Miss Brandon dismissed her servants, and only +engaged one female, a foreigner, to accompany her. A certain tone of +quiet command, formerly unknown to her, characterized these measures, so +daringly independent for one of her sex and age. The day arrived,--it +was the anniversary of her last interview with Clifford. On entering the +vessel it was observed that she trembled violently, and that her face was +as pale as death. A stranger, who had stood aloof wrapped in his cloak, +darted forward to assist her; that was the last which her discarded and +weeping servants beheld of her from the pier where they stood to gaze. + +Nothing more in this country was ever known of the fate of Lucy Brandon; +and as her circle of acquaintances was narrow, and interest in her fate +existed vividly in none save a few humble breasts, conjecture was never +keenly awakened, and soon cooled into forgetfulness. If it favoured, +after the lapse of years, any one notion more than another, it was that +she had perished among the victims of the French Revolution. + +Meanwhile let us glance over the destinies of our more subordinate +acquaintances. + +Augustus Tomlinson, on parting from Long Ned, had succeeded in reaching +Calais; and after a rapid tour through the Continent, he ultimately +betook himself to a certain literary city in Germany, where he became +distinguished for his metaphysical acumen, and opened a school of morals +on the Grecian model, taught in the French tongue. He managed, by the +patronage he received and the pupils he enlightened, to obtain a very +decent income; and as he wrote a folio against Locke, proved that men had +innate feelings, and affirmed that we should refer everything not to +reason, but to the sentiments of the soul, he became greatly respected +for his extraordinary virtue. Some little discoveries were made after +his death, which perhaps would have somewhat diminished the general odour +of his sanctity, had not the admirers of his school carefully hushed up +the matter, probably out of respect for the "sentiments of the soul!" + +Pepper, whom the police did not so anxiously desire to destroy as they +did his two companions, might have managed, perhaps many years longer, +to graze upon the public commons, had not a letter, written somewhat +imprudently, fallen into wrong hands. This, though after creating a +certain stir it apparently died away, lived in the memory of the police, +and finally conspired, with various peccadilloes, to produce his +downfall. He was seized, tried, and sentenced to seven years' +transportation. He so advantageously employed his time at Botany Bay, +and arranged things there so comfortably to himself, that at the +expiration of his sentence he refused to return home. He made an +excellent match, built himself an excellent house, and remained in "the +land of the blest" to the end of his days, noted to the last for the +redundance of his hair and a certain ferocious coxcombry of aspect. + +As for Fighting Attie and Gentleman George, for Scarlet Jem and for Old +Bags, we confess ourselves destitute of any certain information of their +latter ends. We can only add, with regard to Fighting Attie, "Good luck +be with him wherever he goes!" and for mine host of the Jolly Angler, +that, though we have not the physical constitution to quaff "a bumper of +blue ruin," we shall be very happy, over any tolerable wine and in +company with any agreeable convivialist, to bear our part in the polished +chorus of-- + + "Here's to Gentleman George, God bless him!" + +Mrs. Lobkins departed this life like a lamb; and Dummie Dunnaker obtained +a license to carry on the business at Thames Court. He boasted, to the +last, of his acquaintance with the great Captain Lovett, and of the +affability with which that distinguished personage treated him. Stories +he had, too, about Judge Brandon, but no one believed a syllable of them; +and Dummie, indignant at the disbelief, increased, out of vehemence, the +marvel of the stories, so that, at length, what was added almost +swallowed up what was original, and Dummie himself might have been +puzzled to satisfy his own conscience as to what was false and what was +true. + +The erudite Peter MacGrawler, returning to Scotland, disappeared by the +road. A person singularly resembling the sage was afterward seen at +Carlisle, where he discharged the useful and praiseworthy duties of Jack +Ketch. But whether or not this respectable functionary was our identical +Simon Pure, our ex-editor of "The Asinaeum," we will not take upon +ourselves to assert. + +Lord Mauleverer, finally resolving on a single life, passed the remainder +of his years in indolent tranquillity. When he died, the newspapers +asserted that his Majesty was deeply affected by the loss of so old and +valued a friend. His furniture and wines sold remarkably high; and a +Great Man, his particular intimate, who purchased his books, startled to +find, by pencil marks, that the noble deceased had read some of them, +exclaimed, not altogether without truth, + +"Ah! Mauleverer might have been a deuced clever fellow--if he had liked +it!" + +The earl was accustomed to show as a curiosity a ring of great value, +which he had received in rather a singular manner. One morning a packet +was brought him which he found to contain a sum of money, the ring +mentioned, and a letter from the notorious Lovett, in which that person +in begging to return his lordship the sums of which he had twice assisted +to rob him, thanked him, with earnest warmth, for the consideration +testified towards him in not revealing his identity with Captain +Clifford; and ventured, as a slight testimony of respect, to inclose the +aforesaid ring with the sum returned. + +About the time Mauleverer received this curious packet, several anecdotes +of a similar nature appeared in the public journals; and it seemed that +Lovett had acted upon a general principle of restitution,--not always, it +must be allowed, the offspring of a robber's repentance. While the idle +were marvelling at these anecdotes, came the tardy news that Lovett, +after a single month's sojourn at his place of condemnation, had, in the +most daring and singular manner, effected his escape. Whether, in his +progress up the country, he had been starved or slain by the natives, or +whether, more fortunate, he had ultimately found the means of crossing +seas, was as yet unknown. There ended the adventures of the gallant +robber; and thus, by a strange coincidence, the same mystery which +wrapped the fate of Lucy involved also that of her lover. And here, kind +reader, might we drop the curtain on our closing scene, did we not think +it might please thee to hold it up yet one moment, and give thee another +view of the world behind. + +In a certain town of that Great Country where shoes are imperfectly +polished--[See Captain Hall's late work on America]--and opinions are not +prosecuted, there resided, twenty years after the date of Lucy Brandon's +departure from England, a man held in high and universal respect, not +only for the rectitude of his conduct, but for the energies of his mind, +and the purposes to which they were directed. If you asked who +cultivated that waste, the answer was, "Clifford!" who procured the +establishment of that hospital, "Clifford!" who obtained the redress of +such a public grievance, "Clifford!" who struggled for and won such a +popular benefit, "Clifford!" In the gentler part of his projects and his +undertakings--in that part, above all, which concerned the sick or the +necessitous--this useful citizen was seconded, or rather excelled, by a +being over whose surpassing loveliness Time seemed to have flown with a +gentle and charming wing. There was something remarkable and touching in +the love which this couple (for the woman we refer to was Clifford's +wife) bore to each other; like the plant on the plains of Hebron, the +time which brought to that love an additional strength brought to it also +a softer and a fresher verdure. Although their present neighbours were +unacquainted with the events of their earlier life previous to their +settlement at ----------, it was known that they had been wealthy at the +time they first came to reside there, and that, by a series of +fatalities, they had lost all. But Clifford had borne up manfully +against fortune; and in a new country, where men who prefer labour to +dependence cannot easily starve, he had been enabled to toil upward +through the severe stages of poverty and hardship with an honesty and +vigour of character which won him, perhaps, a more hearty esteem for +every successive effort than the display of his lost riches might ever +have acquired him. His labours and his abilities obtained gradual but +sure success; and he now enjoyed the blessings of a competence earned +with the most scrupulous integrity, and spent with the most kindly +benevolence. A trace of the trials they had passed through was +discernible in each; those trials had stolen the rose from the wife's +cheek, and had sown untimely wrinkles in the broad brow of Clifford. +There were moments, too, but they were only moments, when the latter sank +from his wonted elastic and healthful cheerfulness of mind into a gloomy +and abstracted revery; but these moments the wife watched with a jealous +and fond anxiety, and one sound of her sweet voice had the power to +dispel their influence; and when Clifford raised his eyes, and glanced +from her tender smile around his happy home and his growing children, or +beheld through the very windows of his room the public benefits he had +created, something of pride and gladness glowed on his countenance, and +he said, though with glistening eyes and subdued voice, as his looks +returned once more to his wife, "I owe these to thee!" + +One trait of mind especially characterized Clifford,--indulgence to the +faults of others. "Circumstances make guilt," he was wont to say; "let +us endeavour to correct the circumstances, before we rail against the +guilt!" His children promised to tread in the same useful and honourable +path that he trod himself. Happy was considered that family which had +the hope to ally itself with his. + +Such was the after-fate of Clifford and Lucy. Who will condemn us for +preferring the moral of that fate to the moral which is extorted from the +gibbet and the hulks,--which makes scarecrows, not beacons; terrifies our +weakness, not warms our reason. Who does not allow that it is better to +repair than to perish,--better, too, to atone as the citizen than to +repent as the hermit? Oh, John Wilkes, Alderman of London, and +Drawcansir of Liberty, your life was not an iota too perfect,--your +patriotism might have been infinitely purer, your morals would have +admitted indefinite amendment, you are no great favourite with us or with +the rest of the world,--but you said one excellent thing, for which we +look on you with benevolence, nay, almost with respect. We scarcely know +whether to smile at its wit or to sigh at its wisdom. Mark this truth, +all ye gentlemen of England who would make law as the Romans made +fasces,--a bundle of rods with an axe in the middle,--mark it, and +remember! long may it live, allied with hope in ourselves, but with +gratitude in our children,--long after the book which it now "adorns" and +"points" has gone to its dusty slumber,--long, long after the feverish +hand which now writes it down can defend or enforce it no more: "THE VERY +WORST USE TO WHICH YOU CAN PUT A MAN IS TO HANG HIM!" + + + + + + NOTE. + +In the second edition of this novel there were here inserted two +"characters" of "Fighting Attie" and "Gentleman George," omitted in the +subsequent edition published by Mr. Bentley in the "Standard Novels." At +the request of some admirers of those eminent personages, who considered +the biographical sketches referred to impartial in themselves, and +contributing to the completeness of the design for which men so +illustrious were introduced, they are here retained, though in the more +honourable form of a separate and supplementary notice. + + + + FIGHTING ATTIE. + +When be dies, the road will have lost a great man, whose foot was rarely +out of his stirrup, and whose clear head guided a bold hand. He carried +common-sense to its perfection, and he made the straight path the +sublimest. His words were few, his actions were many. He was the +Spartan of Tobymen, and laconism was the short soul of his professional +legislation! + +Whatever way you view him, you see those properties of mind which command +fortune; few thoughts not confusing each other,--simple elements, and +bold. His character in action maybe summed in two phrases,--"a fact +seized, and a stroke made." Had his intellect been more luxurious, his +resolution might have been less hardy; and his hardiness made his +greatness. He was one of those who shine but in action,--chimneys (to +adapt the simile of Sir Thomas More) that seem useless till you light +your fire. So in calm moments you dreamed not of his utility, and only +on the road you were struck dumb with the outbreaking of his genius. +Whatever situation he was called to, you found in hire what you looked +for in vain in others; for his strong sense gave to Attie what long +experience ought, but often fails, to give to its possessors. His energy +triumphed over the sense of novel circumstance, and be broke in a moment +through the cobwebs which entangled lesser natures for years. His eye +saw a final result, and disregarded the detail. He robbed his man. +without chicanery; and took his purse by applying for it rather than +scheming. If his enemies wish to detract from his merit,--a merit great, +dazzling, and yet solid,--they may, perhaps, say that his genius fitted +him better to continue exploits than to devise them; and thus that, +besides the renown which he may justly claim, he often wholly engrossed +that fame which should have been shared by others: he took up the +enterprise where it ceased at Labour, and carried it onwards, where it +was rewarded with Glory. Even this charge proves a new merit of address, +and lessens not the merit less complicated the have allowed him before. +The fame he has acquired may excite our emulation; the envy he has not +appeased may console us for obscurity. + +A stanza of Greek poetry--Thus, not too vigorously, translated by Mr. +West,-- + +"But wrapped in error is the human mind, +And human bliss is ever insecure-- +Know we what fortune shall remain behind? +Know we how long the present shall endure?" + + + + + GENTLEMAN GEORGE. + +For thee, Gentleman George, for thee, what conclusive valediction +remains? Alas! since we began the strange and mumming scene wherein +first thou went introduced, the grim foe hath knocked thrice at thy +gates; and now, as we write,--[In 1830]--thou art departed thence,--thou +art no more! A new lord presides to thine easy-chair, a new voice rings +from thy merry board,--thou art forgotten! thou art already, like these +pages, a tale that is told to a memory that retaineth not! Where are thy +quips and cranks; where thy stately coxcombries and thy regal gauds? +Thine house and thy pagoda, thy Gothic chimney and thy Chinese sign- +post,--these yet ask the concluding hand. Thy hand is cold; their +completion, and the enjoyment the completion yields, are for another! +Thou sowest, and thy follower reaps; thou buildest, thy successor holds; +thou plantest, and thine heir sits beneath the shadow of thy trees,-- + + "Neque harum, quas colis, arborum + Te, praeter invisas cupressos, + Ulla brevem dominum sequetur!" + + ["Nor will any of these trees thou didst cultivate follow thee, + the shortlived lord, save the hateful Cyprus."] + +At this moment thy life,--for thou veert a Great Man to thine order, and +they have added thy biography to that of Abershaw and Sheppard,--thy life +is before us. What a homily in its events! Gayly didst thou laugh into +thy youth, and run through the courses of thy manhood. Wit sat at thy +table, and Genius was thy comrade. Beauty was thy handmaid; and +Frivolity played around thee,--a buffoon that thou didst ridicule, and +ridiculing enjoy! Who among us can look back to thy brilliant era, and +not sigh to think that the wonderful men who surrounded thee, and amidst +whom thou wert a centre and a nucleus, are for him but the things of +history, and the phantoms of a bodiless tradition? Those brilliant. +suppers, glittering with beauty, the memory of which makes one spot (yet +inherited by Bachelor Bill) a haunted and a fairy ground; all who +gathered to that Armida's circle,--the Grammonts and the Beauvilliers and +the Rochefoucaulds of England and the Road,--who does not feel that to +have seen these, though but as Gil Blas saw the festivities of his +actors, from the sideboard and behind the chair, would have been a +triumph for the earthlier feelings of his old age to recall? What, +then, must it have been to have seen them as thou didst see,--thou, the +deceased and the forgotten!---seen them from the height of thy youth and +power and rank (for early wert thou keeper to a public), and reckless +spirits, and lusty capacities of joy? What pleasures where sense +lavished its uncounted varieties? What revellings where wine was the +least excitement? + +Let the scene shift. How stirring is the change! Triumph and glitter +and conquest! For thy public was a public of renown; thither came the +Warriors of the Ring,--the Heroes of the Cross,--and thou, their patron, +wert elevated on their fame! "Principes pro victoria pugnant, comites +pro Principe."--[Chiefs for the victory fight,--for chiefs the soldiers] +--What visions sweep across us! What glories didst thou witness! Over +what conquests didst thou preside! The mightiest epoch, the most +wonderful events which the world, _thy_ world, ever knew,--of these was +it not indeed, and dazzlingly thine,-- + + "To share the triumph and partake the gale"? + +Let the scene shift. Manhood is touched by age; but Lust is "heeled" by +Luxury, and Pomp is the heir of Pleasure; gewgaws and gaud, instead of +glory, surround, rejoice, and flatter thee to the last. There rise thy +buildings; there lie, secret but gorgeous, the tabernacles of thine ease; +and the earnings of thy friends, and the riches of the people whom they +plunder, are waters to thine imperial whirlpool. Thou art lapped in +ease, as is a silkworm; and profusion flows from thy high and unseen +asylum as the rain poureth from a cloud.--Much didst thou do to beautify +chimney-tops, much to adorn the snuggeries where thou didst dwell. +Thieving with thee took a substantial shape; and the robberies Of the +public passed into a metempsychosis of mortar, and became public-houses. +So there and thus, building and planning, didst thou spin out thy latter +yarn, till Death came upon thee; and when we looked around, lo! thy +brother was on thy hearth. And thy parasites and thy comrades and thine +ancient pals and thy portly blowens, they made a murmur, and they packed +up their goods; but they turned ere they departed, and they would have +worshipped thy brother as they worshipped thee,--but he would not! And +thy sign-post is gone and mouldered already; and to the Jolly Angler has +succeeded the Jolly Tar! And thy picture is disappearing fast from the +print-shops, and thy name from the mouths of men! And thy brother, whom +no one praised while thou didst live, is on a steeple of panegyric built +above the churchyard that contains thy grave. O shifting and volatile +hearts of men! Who would be keeper of a public? Who dispense the wine +and the juices that gladden, when the moment the pulse of the band +ceases, the wine and the juices are forgotten? + +To History,--for thy name will be preserved in that record which, whether +it be the calendar of Newgate or of nations, telleth its alike how men +suffer and sin and perish,--to History we leave the sum and balance of +thy merits and thy faults. The sins that were thine were those of the +man to whom pleasure is all in all: thou wert, from root to branch, sap +and in heart, what moralists term the libertine; hence the light wooing, +the quick desertion, the broken faith, the organized perfidy, that +manifested thy bearing to those gentler creatures who called thee +'Gentleman George.' Never to one solitary woman, until the last dull +flame of thy dotage, didst thou so behave as to give no foundation to +complaint and no voice to wrong. But who shall say be honest to one, but +laugh at perfidy to another? Who shall wholly confine treachery to one +sex, if to that sex he hold treachery no offence? So in thee, as in all +thy tribe, there was a laxness of principle, an insincerity of faith, +even unto men: thy friends, when occasion suited, thou couldst forsake; +and thy luxuries were dearer to thee than justice to those who supplied +them. Men who love and live for pleasure as thou, are usually good- +natured; for their devotion to pleasure arises from the strength of their +constitution, and the strength of their constitution preserves them from +the irritations of weaker nerves. So went thou good-natured and often +generous; and often with thy generosity didst thou unite a delicacy that +showed thou hadst an original and a tender sympathy with men. But as +those who pursue pleasure are above all others impatient of interruption, +so to such as interfered with thy main pursuit thou didst testify a deep, +a lasting, and a revengeful anger. Yet let not such vices of temperament +be too severely judged! For to thee were given man's two most persuasive +tempters, physical and moral,--Health and Power! Thy talents, such as +they were,--and they were the talents of a man of the world,--misled +rather than guided thee, for they gave thy mind that demi-philosophy, +that indifference to exalted motives, which is generally found in a +clever rake. Thy education was wretched; thou hadst a smattering of +Horace, but thou couldst not write English, and thy letters betray that +thou went wofully ignorant of logic. The fineness of thy taste has been +exaggerated; thou wert unacquainted with the nobleness of simplicity; thy +idea of a whole was grotesque and overloaded, and thy fancy in details +was gaudy and meretricious. But thou hadst thy hand constantly in the +public purse, and thou hadst plans and advisers forever before thee; more +than all, thou didst find the houses in that neighbourbood wherein thou +didst build, so preternaturally hideous that thou didst require but +little science to be less frightful in thy creations. If thou didst not +improve thy native village and thy various homes with a solid, a lofty, +and a noble taste, thou didst nevertheless very singularly improve. And +thy posterity, in avoiding the faults of thy masonry, will be grateful +for the effects of thy ambition. The same demi-philosophy which +influenced thee in private life exercised a far benigner and happier +power over thee in public. Thou wert not idly vexatious in vestries, nor +ordinarily tyrannic in thy parish; if thou wert ever arbitrary it was +only when thy pleasure was checked, or thy vanity wounded. At other +times thou didst leave events to their legitimate course, so that in thy +latter years thou wert justly popular in thy parish; and in the grave thy +great good fortune will outshine thy few bad qualities, and men will say +of thee with a kindly, not an erring judgment, "In private life he was +not worse than the Rufers who came to this bar; in public life he was +better than those who kept a public before him." Hark! those huzzas! +what is the burden of that chorus? Oh, grateful and never time-serving +Britons, have ye modified already for another the song ye made so solely +in honour of Gentleman George: and must we, lest we lose the custom of +the public and the good things of the tap-room,--roust we roar with +throats yet hoarse with our fervour for the old words, our ardour for the +new-- + + "Here's to Mariner Bill, God bless him! + God bless him! + God bless him! + Here 's to Mariner Bill, God bless him!" + + + + + + + + TOMLINSONIANA; + + OR, + + THE POSTHUMOUS WRITINGS + + OF THE CELEBRATED + + AUGUSTUS TOMLINSON, + + PROFESSOR OF MORAL PHILOSOPHY IN THE UNIVERSITY OF ------- + + ADDRESSED TO HIS PUPILS, + + AND COMPRISING + + I + MAXIMS ON THE POPULAR ART OF CREATING, ILLUSTRATED BY TEN CHARACTERS, +BEING AN INTRODUCTION TO THAT NOBLE SCIENCE BY WHICH EVERY MAN MAY BECOME + HIS OWN ROGUE. + + II + BRACHYLOGIA; OR, ESSAYS CRITICAL, SENTIMENTAL, MORAL, AND ORIGINAL. + + + + + + + INTRODUCTION. + +Having lately been travelling in Germany, I spent some time at that +University in which Augustus Tomlinson presided as Professor of Moral +Philosophy. I found that that great man died, after a lingering illness, +in the beginning of the year 1822, perfectly resigned to his fate, and +conversing, even on his deathbed, on the divine mysteries of Ethical +Philosophy. Notwithstanding the little peccadilloes to which I have +alluded in the latter pages of "Paul Clifford," and which his pupils +deemed it advisable to hide from-- + + "The gaudy, babbling, and remorseless day," + +his memory was still held in a tender veneration. Perhaps, as in the +case of the illustrious Burns, the faults of a great man endear to you +his genius. In his latter days the PROFESSOR was accustomed to wear a +light-green silk dressing-gown, and, as he was perfectly bald, a little +black velvet cap; his small-clothes were pepper and salt. These +interesting facts I learned from one of his pupils. His old age was +consumed in lectures, in conversation, and in the composition of the +little _morceaux_ of wisdom we present to the public. In these essays +and maxims, short as they are, he seems to have concentrated the wisdom +of his industrious and honourable life. With great difficulty I procured +from his executors the manuscripts which were then preparing for the +German press. A valuable consideration induced those gentlemen to become +philanthropic, and to consider the inestimable blessings they would +confer upon this country by suffering me to give the following essays to +the light, in their native and English dress, on the same day whereon +they appear in Germany in the graces of foreign disguise. + +At an age when, while Hypocrisy stalks, simpers, sidles, struts, and +hobbles through the country, Truth also begins to watch her adversary in +every movement, I cannot but think these lessons of Augustus Tomlinson +peculiarly well-timed. I add them as a fitting Appendix to a Novel that +may not inappropriately be termed a Treatise on Social Frauds; and if +they contain within them that evidence of diligent attention and that +principle of good in which the satire of Vice is only the germ of its +detection, they may not, perchance, pass wholly unnoticed; nor be even +condemned to that hasty reading in which the Indifference of to-day is +but the prelude to the Forgetfulness of to-morrow. + + + + + + CONTENTS. + + + MAXIMS ON THE POPULAR ART OF CHEATING, Illustrated by Ten + Characters, being an Introduction to that noble Science by which + every Man may become his own Rogue + + BRACHYLOGIA: + On the Morality taught by the Rich to the Poor + Emulation + Caution against the Scoffers of "Humbug" + Popular Wrath at Individual Imprudence + Dum deflnat Amnis + Self-Glorifiers + Thought on Fortune + Wit, and Truth + Auto-theology + Glorious Constitution + Answer to the Popular Cant that Goodness in a Statesman is + better than Ability + Common-sense + Love, and Writers on Love + The Great Entailed + The Regeneration of a Knave + Style + + + + + + + MAXIMS + + ON + + THE POPULAR ART OF CHEATING, + + ILLUSTRATED BY TEN CHARACTERS; + +BEING AN INTRODUCTION TO THAT NOBLE SCIENCE BY WHICH EVERY MAN MAY BECOME + HIS OWN ROGUE. + + Set a thief to catch a thief.---Proverb. + + + I. + +Whenever you are about to utter something astonishingly false, always +begin with, "It is an acknowledged fact," etc. Sir Robert Filmer was a +master of this method of writing. Thus, with what a solemn face that +great man attempted to cheat! "It is a truth undeniable that there +cannot be any multitude of men whatsoever, either great or small, etc., +but that in the same multitude there is one man amongst them that in +nature hath a right to be King of all the rest,--as being the next heir +to Adam!" + + + + II. + +When you want something from the public, throw the blame of the asking on +the most sacred principle you can find. A common beggar can read you +exquisite lessons on this the most important maxim in the art of popular +cheating. "For the love of God, sir, a penny!" + + + + III. + +Whenever on any matter, moral, sentimental, or political, you find +yourself utterly ignorant, talk immediately of "The Laws of Nature." As +those laws are written nowhere,--[Locke]--they are known by nobody. +Should any ask you how you happen to know such or such a doctrine as the +dictate of Nature, clap your hand to your heart and say, "Here!" + + + + IV. + +Yield to a man's tastes, and he will yield to your interest. + + + + V. + +When you talk to the half-wise, twaddle; when you talk to the ignorant, +brag; when you talk to the sagacious, look very humble, and ask their +opinion. + + + + VI. + +Always bear in mind, my beloved pupils, that the means of livelihood +depend not on the virtues, but the vices of others. The lawyer, the +statesman, the hangman, the physician, are paid by our sins; nay, even +the commoner professions--the tailor, the coachmaker, the upholsterer, +the wine-merchant--draw their fortunes, if not their existence, from +those smaller vices, our foibles. Vanity is the figure prefixed to the +ciphers of Necessity. Wherefore, oh my beloved pupils! never mind what a +man's virtues are; waste no time in learning them. Fasten at once on his +infirmities. Do to the One as, were you an honest man, you would do to +the Many. This is the way to be a rogue individually, as a lawyer is a +rogue professionally. Knaves are like critics,--[Nullum simile est quod +idem.--EDITOR.]--"flies that feed on the sore part, and would have +nothing to live on were the body in health."--[Tatler]. + + + + VII. + +Every man finds it desirable to have tears in his eyes at times,--one has +a sympathy with humid lids. Providence hath beneficially provided for +this want, and given to every man, in its divine forethought, misfortunes +painful to recall. Hence, probably, those human calamities which the +atheist rails against! Wherefore, when you are uttering some affecting +sentiment to your intended dupe, think of the greatest misfortune you +ever had in your life; habit will soon make the association of tears and +that melancholy remembrance constantly felicitous. I knew, my dear +pupils, a most intelligent Frenchman, who obtained a charming legacy from +an old poet by repeating the bard's verses with streaming eyes. "How +were you able to weep at will?" asked I (I was young then, my pupils). +"Je pensois," answered he, "a mon pauvre pere, qui est mort." The union +of sentiment with the ability of swindling made that Frenchman a most +fascinating creature! + + + + VIII. + +Never commit the error of the over-shrewd, and deem human nature worse +than it is. Human nature is so damnably good that if it were not for +human art, we knaves could not live. The primary elements of a man's +mind do not sustain us; it is what he owes to "the pains taken with his +education," and "the blessings of civilized society!" + + + + IX. + +Whenever you doubt, my pupils, whether your man be a quack or not, decide +the point by seeing if your man be a positive asserter. Nothing +indicates imposture like confidence. Volney saith well, "that the most +celebrated of charlatans--[Mahomet]--and the boldest of tyrants begins +his extraordinary tissue of lies by these words, 'There is no doubt in +this book!'" + + + + X. + +There is one way of cheating people peculiar to the British Isles, and +which, my pupils, I earnestly recommend you to import hither,--cheating +by subscription. People like to be plundered in company; dupery then +grows into the spirit of party. Thus one quack very gravely requested +persons to fit up a ship for him and send him round the world as its +captain to make discoveries; and another patriotically suggested that +L10,000 should be subscribed--for what?--to place him in parliament! +Neither of these fellows could have screwed an individual out of a +shilling had he asked him for it in a corner; but a printed list, with +"His Royal Highness" at the top, plays the devil with English guineas. +A subscription for individuals may be considered a society for the +ostentatious encouragement of idleness, impudence, beggary, imposture, +and other public virtues! + + + + XI. + +Whenever you read the life of a great man, I mean a man eminently +successful, you will perceive all the qualities given to him are the +qualities necessary even to a mediocre rogue. "He possessed," saith the +biographer, "the greatest address [namely, the faculty of wheedling]; the +most admirable courage [namely, the faculty of bullying]; the most noble +fortitude [namely, the faculty of bearing to be bullied]; the most +singular versatility [namely, the faculty of saying one thing to one man, +and its reverse to another]; and the most wonderful command over the mind +of his contemporaries [namely, the faculty of victimizing their purses or +seducing their actions]." Wherefore, if luck cast you in humble life, +assiduously study the biographies of the great, in order to accomplish +you as a rogue; if in the more elevated range of society, be thoroughly +versed in the lives of the roguish: so shall you fit yourself to be +eminent! + + + + XII. + +The hypocrisy of virtue, my beloved pupils, is a little out of fashion +nowadays; it is sometimes better to affect the hypocrisy of vice. Appear +generously profligate, and swear with a hearty face that you do not +pretend to be better than the generality of your neighbours. Sincerity +is not less a covering than lying; a frieze great-coat wraps you as well +as a Spanish cloak. + + + + XIII. + +When you are about to execute some great plan, and to defraud a number +of persons, let the first one or two of the allotted number be the +cleverest, shrewdest fellows you can find. You have then a reference +that will alone dupe the rest of the world. "That Mr. Lynx is +satisfied," will amply suffice to satisfy Mr. Mole of the honesty of your +intentions! Nor are shrewd men the hardest to take in; they rely on +their strength: invulnerable heroes are necessarily the bravest. Talk to +them in a business-like manner, and refer your design at once to their +lawyer. My friend John Shamberry was a model in this grand stroke of +art. He swindled twelve people to the tune of some thousands, with no +other trouble than it first cost him to swindle--whom do you think?-- +the Secretary to the Society for the Suppression of Swindling! + + + + XIV. + +Divide your arts into two classes,--those which cost you little labour, +those which cost much. The first,--flattery, attention, answering +letters by return of post, walking across a street to oblige the man you +intend to ruin; all these you must never neglect. The least man is worth +gaining at a small cost. And besides, while you are serving yourself, +you are also obtaining the character of civility, diligence, and good- +nature. But the arts which cost you much labour--a long subservience to +one testy individual; aping the semblance of a virtue, a quality, or a +branch of learning which you do not possess, to a person difficult to +blind,--all these never begin except for great ends, worth not only the +loss of time, but the chance of detection. Great pains for small gains +is the maxim of the miser. The rogue should have more _grandeur d'ame!_ +--[Greatness of soul]. + + + + XV. + +Always forgive. + + + + XVI. + +If a man owe you a sum of money--pupils though you be of mine, you may +once in your lives be so silly as to lend--and you find it difficult to +get it back, appeal, not to his justice, but to his charity. The +components of justice flatter few men! Who likes to submit to an +inconvenience because he ought to do it,--without praise, without even +self--gratulation? But charity, my dear friends, tickles up human +ostentation deliciously. Charity implies superiority; and the feeling of +superiority is most grateful to social nature. Hence the commonness of +charity, in proportion to other virtues, all over the world; and hence +you will especially note that in proportion as people are haughty and +arrogant, will they laud almsgiving and encourage charitable +institutions. + + + + XVII. + +Your genteel rogues do not sufficiently observe the shrewdness of the +vulgar ones. The actual beggar takes advantage of every sore; but the +moral swindler is unpardonably dull as to the happiness of a physical +infirmity. To obtain a favour, neglect no method that may allure +compassion. I knew a worthy curate who obtained two livings by the +felicity of a hectic cough, and a younger brother who subsisted for ten +years on his family by virtue of a slow consumption. + + + + XVIII. + +When you want to possess yourself of a small sum, recollect that the +small sum be put into juxtaposition with a great. I do not express +myself clearly--take an example. In London there are sharpers who +advertise L70,000 to be advanced at four per cent; principals only +conferred with. The gentleman wishing for such a sum on mortgage goes to +see the advertiser; the advertiser says he must run down and look at the +property on which the money is to be advanced; his journey and expenses +will cost him a mere trifle,--say, twenty guineas. Let him speak +confidently; let the gentleman very much want the money at the interest +stated, and three to one but our sharper gets the twenty guineas,--so +paltry a sum in comparison to L70,000 though so serious a sum had the +matter related to halfpence! + + + + XIX. + +Lord Coke has said: "To trace an error to its fountainhead is to refute +it." Now, my young pupils, I take it for granted that you are interested +in the preservation of error; you do not wish it, therefore, to be traced +to its fountain head. Whenever, then, you see a sharp fellow tracking it +up, you have two ways of settling the matter. You may say, with a smile, +"Nay, now, sir, you grow speculative,--I admire your ingenuity;" or else +look grave, colour up, and say, "I fancy, sir, there is no warrant for +this assertion in the most sacred of all authorities!" The Devil can +quote Scripture, you know; and a very sensible Devil it is too! + + + + XX. + +Rochefoucauld has said: "The hate of favourites is nothing else but the +love of favour." The idea is a little cramped; the hate we bear to any +man is only the result of our love for some good which we imagine he +possesses, or which, being in our possession, we imagine he has attacked. +Thus envy, the most ordinary species of hate, arises from our value for +the glory, or the plate, or the content we behold; and revenge is born +from our regard for our fame that has been wounded, or our acres +molested, or our rights invaded. But the most noisy of all hatreds is +hatred for the rich, from love for the riches. Look well on the poor +devil who is always railing at coaches and four! Book him as a man to +be bribed! + + + + XXI. + +My beloved pupils, few have yet sufficiently studied the art by which the +practice of jokes becomes subservient to the science of swindlers. The +heart of an inferior is always fascinated by a jest. Men know this in +the knavery of elections. Know it now, my pupils, in the knavery of +life! When you slap yon cobbler so affectionately on the back, it is +your own fault if you do not slap your purpose into him at the same time. +Note how Shakspeare (whom study night and day,--no man hath better +expounded the mysteries of roguery!) causes his grandest and most +accomplished villain, Richard III., to address his good friends, the +murderers, with a jocular panegyric on that hardness of heart on which, +doubtless, those poor fellows most piqued themselves,-- + + "Your eyes drop millstones, where fools' eyes drop tears-- + I like you, lads!" + +Can't you fancy the knowing grin with which the dogs received this +compliment, and the little sly punch in the stomach with which Richard +dropped those loving words, "I like you, lads!" + + + + XXII. + +As good-nature is the characteristic of the dupe, so should good-temper +be that of the knave; the two fit into each other like joints. Happily, +good-nature is a Narcissus, and falls in love with its own likeness. And +good-temper is to good-nature what the Florimel of snow was to the +Florimel of flesh,--an exact likeness made of the coldest materials. + + + + XXIII. + + BEING THE PRAISE OF KNAVERY. + +A knave is a philosopher, though a philosopher is not necessarily a +knave. What hath a knave to do with passions? Every irregular desire he +must suppress; every foible he must weed out; his whole life is spent in +the acquisition of knowledge: for what is knowledge?--the discovery of +human errors! He is the only man always consistent yet ever examining; +he knows but one end, yet explores every means; danger, ill-repute, all +that terrify other men, daunt not him; he braves all, but is saved from +all: for I hold that a knave ceaseth to be the knave--he hath passed into +the fool--the moment mischief befalls him. He professes the art of +cheating; but the art of cheating is to cheat without peril. He is +_teres et rotundas_; strokes fly from the lubricity of his polish, and +the shiftings of his circular formation. He who is insensible of the +glory of his profession, who is open only to the profit, is no disciple +of mine. I hold of knavery, as Plato hath said of virtue, "Could it be +seen incarnate, it would beget a personal adoration!" None but those who +are inspired by a generous enthusiasm will benefit by the above maxims, +nor (and here I warn you solemnly from the sacred ground, till your head +be uncovered, and your feet be bared in the awe of veneration) enter with +profit upon the following descriptions of character,--that Temple of the +Ten Statutes, wherein I have stored and consecrated the most treasured +relics of my travelled thoughts and my collected experience. + + + + + + TEN CHARACTERS. + + I. + +The mild, irresolute, good-natured, and indolent man. These qualities +are accompanied with good feelings, but no principles. The want of +firmness evinces also the want of any peculiar or deeply rooted system +of thought. A man conning a single and favourite subject of meditation +grows wedded to one or the other of the opinions on which he revolves. A +man universally irresolute has generally led a desultory life, and never +given his attention long together to one thing. This is a man most easy +to cheat, my beloved friends; you cheat him even with his eyes open. +Indolence is dearer to him than all things; and if you get him alone and +put a question to him point blank, he cannot answer, No. + + + + II. + +The timid, suspicious, selfish, and cold man. Generally a character of +this description is an excellent man of business, and would at first +sight seem to baffle the most ingenious swindler. But you have one +hope,--I have rarely found it deceive me,--this man is usually +ostentatious. A cold, a fearful, yet a worldly person has ever an eye +upon others; he notes the effect certain things produce on them; he is +anxious to learn their opinions, that he may not transgress; he likes to +know what the world say of him; nay, his timidity makes him anxious to +repose his selfishness on their good report. Hence he grows +ostentatious, likes that effect which is favourably talked of, and that +show which wins consideration. At him on this point, my pupils! + + + + III. + +The melancholy, retired, sensitive, intellectual character. A very good +subject this for your knaveries, my young friends, though it requires +great discrimination and delicacy. This character has a considerable +portion of morbid suspicion and irritation belonging to it,--against +these you must guard; at the same time its prevailing feature is a +powerful but unacknowledged vanity. It is generally a good opinion of +himself, and a feeling that he is not appreciated by others, that make a +man reserved; he deems himself unfit for the world because of the +delicacy of his temperament, and the want of a correspondent +insensibility in those he sees! This is your handle to work on. He is +peculiarly flattered, too, on the score of devotion and affection; he +exacts in love, as from the world, too much. He is a Lara, whose females +must be Medoras; and even his male friends should be extremely like +Kaleds! Poor man! you see how easily he can be duped. Mem.--Among +persons of this character are usually found those oddities, humours, and +peculiarities which are each a handle. No man lives out of the world +with impunity to the solidity of his own character. Every new outlet to +the humour is a new inlet to the heart. + + + + IV. + +The bold, generous, frank, and affectionate man,--usually a person of +robust health. His constitution keeps him in spirits, and his spirits +in courage and in benevolence. He is obviously not a hard character, my +good young friends, for you to deceive; for he wants suspicion, and all +his good qualities lay him open to you. But beware his anger when he +finds you out! He is a terrible Othello when his nature is once stung. +Mem.--A good sort of character to seduce into illegal practices; makes a +tolerable traitor or a capital smuggler. You yourselves must never +commit any illegal offence,--aren't there cat's-paws for the chestnuts? +As all laws are oppressions (only necessary and often sacred oppressions, +which you need not explain to him), and his character is especially +hostile to oppression, you easily seduce the person we describe into +braving the laws of his country. Yes! the bold, generous, frank, and +affectionate man has only to be born in humble life to be sure of a +halter! + + + + V. + +The bold, selfish, close, grasping man will in all probability cheat you, +my dear friends. For such a character makes the master-rogue, the stuff +from which Nature forms a Richard the Third. You had better leave such a +man quite alone. He is bad even to serve. He breaks up his tools when +he has done with them. No, you can do nothing with him, my good young +men! + + + + VI. + +The eating, drinking, unthoughtful, sensual, mechanical man,--the +ordinary animal. Such a creature has cunning, and is either cowardly or +ferocious; seldom in these qualities he preserves a medium. He is not by +any means easy to dupe. Nature defends her mental brutes by the +thickness of their hide. Win his mistress if possible; she is the best +person to manage him. Such creatures are the natural prey of artful +women; their very stolidity covers all but sensuality. To the Samson-the +Delilah. + + + + VII. + +The gay, deceitful, shrewd, polished, able man,--the courtier, the man of +the world. In public and stirring life this is the fit antagonist,-- +often the successful and conquering rival of Character V. You perceive a +man like this varies so greatly in intellect--from the mere butterfly +talent to the rarest genius, from the person you see at cards to the +person you see in Cabinets, from the ----- to the Chesterfield, from the +Chesterfield to the Pericles--that it is difficult to give you an exact +notion of the weak points of a character so various. But while he dupes +his equals and his superiors, I consider him, my attentive pupils, by no +means a very difficult character for an inferior to dupe. And in this +manner you must go about it. Do not attempt hypocrisy; he will see +through it in an instant. Let him think you at once, and at first sight, +a rogue. Be candid on that matter yourself; but let him think you a +useful rogue. Serve him well and zealously; but own that you do so, +because you consider your interest involved in this. This reasoning +satisfies him; and as men of this character are usually generous, he will +acknowledge its justice by throwing you plenty of sops, and stimulating +you with bountiful cordials. Should he not content you herein, appear +contented; and profit in betraying him (that is the best way to cheat +him), not by his failings, but by opportunity. Watch not his character, +but your time. + + + + VIII. + +The vain, arrogant, brave, amorous, flashy character. This sort of +character we formerly attributed to the French, and it is still more +common to the Continent than that beloved island which I shall see no +more! A creature of this description is made up of many false virtues; +above others, it is always profuse where its selfishness is appealed to, +not otherwise. You must find, then, what pleases it, and pander to its +tastes. So will ye cheat it,--or ye will cheat it also by affecting the +false virtues which it admires itself,--rouge your sentiments highly, and +let them strut with a buskined air; thirdly, my good young men, ye will +cheat it by profuse flattery, and by calling it in especial "the mirror +of chivalry." + + + + IX. + +The plain, sensible, honest man,--a favourable, but not elevated specimen +of our race. This character, my beloved pupils, you may take in once, +but never twice. Nor can you take in such a man as a stranger; he must +be your friend or relation, or have known intimately some part of your +family. A man of this character is always open, though in a moderate and +calm degree, to the duties and ties of life. He will always do something +to serve his friend, his brother, or the man whose father pulled his +father out of the Serpentine. Affect with him no varnish; exert no +artifice in attempting to obtain his assistance. Candidly state your +wish for such or such a service, sensibly state your pretensions, +modestly hint at your gratitude. So may you deceive him once, then leave +him alone forever! + + + + X. + +The fond, silly, credulous man, all impulse and no reflection,--how my +heart swells when I contemplate this excellent character! What a Canaan +for you does it present! I envy you launching into the world with the +sanguine hope of finding all men such! Delightful enthusiasm of youth,-- +would that the hope could be realized! Here is the very incarnation of +gullibility. You have only to make him love you, and no hedgehog ever +sucked egg as you can suck him. Never be afraid of his indignation; go +to him again and again; only throw yourself on his neck and weep. To +gull him once is to gull him always; get his first shilling, and then +calculate what you will do with the rest of his fortune. Never desert so +good a man for new friends; that would be ungrateful in you! And take +with you, by the way, my good young gentlemen, this concluding maxim: Men +are like lands; you will get more by lavishing all your labour again and +again upon the easy than by ploughing up new ground in the sterile! +Legislators,--wise, good, pious men,--the Tom Thumbs of moral science, +who make giants first, and then kill them,--you think the above lessons +villanous. I honour your penetration. They are not proofs of my +villany, but of your folly! Look over them again, and you will see that +they are designed to show that while ye are imprisoning, transporting, +and hanging thousands every day, a man with a decent modicum of cunning +might practise every one of those lessons which seem to you so heinous, +and not one of your laws could touch him! + + + + + + BRACHYLOGIA; + + OR, + + ESSAYS, CRITICAL, SENTIMENTAL, MORAL, AND ORIGINAL. + + ADDRESSED TO HIS PUPILS + + BY AUGUSTUS TOMLINSON. + + The irony in the preceding essays is often lost sight of in the + present. The illness of this great man, which happened while + composing these little gems, made him perhaps more in earnest + than when in robust health.--Editor's Note. + + + ON THE MORALITY TAUGHT BY THE RICH TO THE POOR. + +As soon as the urchin pauper can totter out of doors, it is taught to +pull off its hat, and pull its hair to the quality. "A good little boy," +says the squire; "there's a ha'penny for you." The good little boy glows +with pride. That ha'penny instils deep the lesson of humility. Now goes +our urchin to school. Then comes the Sunday teaching,--before church, +which enjoins the poor to be lowly, and to honour every man better off +than themselves. A pound of honour to the squire, and an ounce to the +beadle. Then the boy grows up; and the Lord of the Manor instructs him +thus: "Be a good boy, Tom, and I'll befriend you. Tread in the steps of +your father; he was an excellent man, and a great loss to the parish; he +was a very civil, hard-working, well-behaved creature; knew his station; +--mind, and do like him!" So perpetual hard labour and plenty of cringing +make the ancestral virtues to be perpetuated to peasants till the day of +judgment! Another insidious distillation of morality is conveyed through +a general praise of the poor. You hear false friends of the people, who +call themselves Liberals and Tories, who have an idea of morals half +chivalric, half pastoral, agree in lauding the unfortunate creatures whom +they keep at work for them. But mark the virtues the poor are always to +be praised for,--industry, honesty, and content. The first virtue is +extolled to the skies, because industry gives the rich everything they +have; the second, because honesty prevents an iota of the said everything +being taken away again; and the third, because content is to hinder these +poor devils from ever objecting to a lot so comfortable to the persons +who profit by it. This, my pupils, is the morality taught by the rich to +the poor! + + + + EMULATION. + +The great error of emulation is this: we emulate effects without +inquiring into causes. When we read of the great actions of a man, +we are on fire to perform the same exploits, without endeavouring to +ascertain the precise qualities which enabled the man we imitate to +commit the actions we admire. Could we discover these, how often might +we discover that their origin was a certain temper of body, a certain +peculiarity of constitution, and that, wish we for the same success, we +should be examining the nature of our bodies rather than sharpening the +faculties of our minds,--should use dumbbells, perhaps, instead of books; +nay, on the other hand, contract some grievous complaint rather than +perfect our moral salubrity. Who should say whether Alexander would have +been a hero had his neck been straight; or Boileau a satirist, had he +never been pecked by a turkey? It would be pleasant to see you, my +beloved pupils, after reading "Quintus Curtius," twisting each other's +throat; or, fresh from Boileau, hurrying to the poultry-yard in the hope +of being mutilated into the performance of a second "Lutrin." + + + + + CAUTION AGAINST THE SCOFFERS OF "HUMBUG." + +My beloved pupils, there is a set of persons in the world, daily +increasing, against whom you must be greatly on your guard; there is a +fascination about them. They are people who declare themselves +vehemently opposed to humbug,--fine, liberal fellows, clear-sighted, yet +frank. When these sentiments arise from reflection, well and good,--they +are the best sentiments in the world; but many take them up second hand. +They are very inviting to the indolence of the mob of gentlemen who see +the romance of a noble principle, not its utility. When a man looks at +everything through this dwarfing philosophy, everything has a great +modicum of humbug. You laugh with him when he derides the humbug in +religion, the humbug in politics, the humbug in love, the humbug in the +plausibilities of the world; but you may cry, my dear pupils, when he +derides what is often the safest of all practically to deride,--the +humbug in common honesty! Men are honest from religion, wisdom, +prejudice, habit, fear, and stupidity; but the few only are wise; and the +persons we speak of deride religion, are beyond prejudice, unawed by +habit, too indifferent for fear, and too experienced for stupidity. + + + + + POPULAR WRATH AT INDIVIDUAL IMPRUDENCE. + +You must know, my dear young friends, that while the appearance of +magnanimity is very becoming to you, and so forth, it will get you a +great deal of ill-will if you attempt to practise it to your own +detriment. Your neighbours are so invariably, though perhaps insensibly, +actuated by self-interest--self-interest--[Mr. Tomlinson is wrong here; +but his ethics were too much narrowed to Utilitarian principles.-- +EDITOR.]--is so entirely, though every twaddler denies it, the axis of +the moral world--that they fly into a rage with him who seems to +disregard it. When a man ruins himself, just hear the abuse he receives; +his neighbours take it as a personal affront! + + + + + DUM DEFLUAT AMNIS. + +One main reason why men who have been great are disappointed, when they +retire to private life, is this: Memory makes a chief source of enjoyment +to those who cease eagerly to hope; but the memory of the great recalls +only that public life which has disgusted them. Their private life hath +slipped insensibly away, leaving faint traces of the sorrow or the joy +which found them too busy to heed the simple and quiet impressions of +mere domestic vicissitude. + + + + + SELF-GLORIFIERS. + +Providence seems to have done to a certain set of persons--who always +view their own things through a magnifying medium, deem their house the +best in the world, their gun the truest, their very pointer a miracle-- +as Colonel Hanger suggested to economists to do; namely, provide their +servants each with a pair of large spectacles, so that a lark might +appear as big as a fowl, and a twopenny loaf as large as a quartern. + + + + + THOUGHT ON FORTUNE. + +It is often the easiest move that completes the game. Fortune is like +the lady whom a lover carried off from all his rivals by putting an +additional lace upon his liveries. + + + + + WIT AND TRUTH. + +People may talk about fiction being the source of fancy, and wit being at +variance with truth. Now, some of the wittiest things in the world are +witty solely from their truth. Truth is the soul of a good saying. "You +assert," observes the Socrates of modern times, "that we have a virtual +representation; very well, let us have a virtual taxation too!" Here the +wit is in the fidelity of the sequitur. When Columbus broke the egg, +where was the wit? In the completeness of conviction in the broken egg. + + + + + AUTO-THEOLOGY. + +Not only every sect but every individual modifies the general attributes +of the Deity towards assimilation with his own character: the just man +dwells on the justice, the stern upon the wrath; the attributes that do +not please the worshipper he insensibly forgets. Wherefore, O my pupils, +you will not smile when you read in Barnes that the pygmies declared Jove +himself was a pygmy. The pious vanity of man makes him adore his own +qualities under the pretence of worshipping those of his God. + + + + + GLORIOUS CONSTITUTION. + +A sentence is sometimes as good as a volume. If a man ask you to give +him some idea of the laws of England, the answer is short and easy: In +the laws of England there are somewhere about one hundred and fifty laws +by which a poor man may be hanged, but not one by which he can obtain +justice for nothing! + + + + + ANSWER TO THE POPULAR CANT THAT + GOODNESS IN A STATESMAN IS + BETTER THAN ABILITY. + +As in the world we must look to actions, not motives, so a knave is the +man who injures you; and you do not inquire whether the injury be the +fruit of malice or necessity. Place, then, a fool in power, and he +becomes unconsciously the knave. Mr. Addington stumbled on the two very +worst and most villanous taxes human malice could have invented,--one on +medicines, the other on justice. What tyrant's fearful ingenuity could +afflict us more than by impeding at once redress for our wrongs, and cure +for our diseases? Mr. Addington was the fool _in se_, and therefore the +knave in office; but, bless you! he never meant it! + + + + + COMMON-SENSE. + +Common-sense,--common-sense,--of all phrases, all catchwords, this is +often the most deceitful and the most dangerous. Look, in especial, +suspiciously upon common-sense whenever it is opposed to discovery. +Common-sense is the experience of every day. Discovery is something +against the experience of every day. No wonder, then, that when Galileo +proclaimed a great truth, the universal cry was, "Pshaw! common-sense +will tell you the reverse." Talk to a sensible man for the first time on +the theory of vision, and hear what his common-sense will say to it. In +a letter in the time of Bacon, the writer, of no mean intellect himself, +says: "It is a pity the chancellor should set his opinion against the +experience of so many centuries and the dictates of common-sense." +Common-sense, then, so useful in household matters, is less useful in the +legislative and in the scientific world than it has been generally +deemed. Naturally, the advocate for what has been tried, and averse to +what is speculative, it opposes the new philosophy that appeals to +reason, and clings to the old which is propped by sanction. + + + + + LOVE, AND WRITERS ON LOVE. + +My warm, hot-headed, ardent young friends, ye are in the flower of your +life, and writing verses about love,--let us say a word on the subject. +There are two species of love common to all men and to most animals,-- +[Most animals; for some appear insensible to the love of custom]--one +springs from the senses, the other grows out of custom. Now, neither of +these, my dear young friends, is the love that you pretend to feel,--the +love of lovers. Your passion, having only its foundation (and that +unacknowledged) in the senses, owes everything else to the imagination. +Now, the imagination of the majority is different in complexion and +degree in every country and in every age; so also, and consequently, is +the love of the imagination. As a proof, observe that you sympathize +with the romantic love of other times or nations only in proportion as +you sympathize with their poetry and imaginative literature. The love +which stalks through the "Arcadia" or "Amadis of Gaul" is to the great +bulk of readers coldly insipid or solemnly ridiculous. Alas! when those +works excited enthusiasm, so did the love which they describe. The long +speeches, the icy compliments, expressed the feeling of the day. The +love madrigals of the time of Shenstone, or the brocade gallantries of +the French poets in the last century, any woman now would consider hollow +or childish, imbecile or artificial. Once the songs were natural, and +the love seductive. And now, my young friends, in the year 1822, in +which I write, and shall probably die, the love which glitters through +Moore, and walks so ambitiously ambiguous through the verse of Byron; the +love which you consider now so deep and so true; the love which tingles +through the hearts of your young ladies, and sets you young gentlemen +gazing on the evening star,--all that love too will become unfamiliar or +ridiculous to an after age; and the young aspirings and the moonlight +dreams and the vague fiddle-de-dees which ye now think so touching and so +sublime will go, my dear boys, where Cowley's Mistress and Waller's +Sacharissa have gone before,--go with the Sapphos and the Chloes, the +elegant "charming fairs," and the chivalric "most beauteous princesses!" +The only love-poetry that stands through all time and appeals to all +hearts is that which is founded on either or both the species of love +natural to all men,--the love of the senses, and the love of custom. In +the latter is included what middle-aged men call the rational attachment, +the charm of congenial minds, as well as the homely and warmer +accumulation of little memories of simple kindness, or the mere brute +habitude of seeing a face as one would see a chair. These, sometimes +singly, sometimes skilfully blended, make the theme of those who have +perhaps loved the most honestly and the most humanly; these yet render +Tibullus pathetic, and Ovid a master over tender affections; and these, +above all, make that irresistible and all-touching inspiration which +subdues the romantic, the calculating, the old, the young, the courtier, +the peasant, the poet, the man of business, in the glorious love-poetry +of Robert Burns. + + + + + THE GREAT ENTAILED. + +The great inheritance of man is a commonwealth of blunders. One race +spend their lives in botching the errors transmitted to them by another; +and the main cause of all political, that is, all the worst and most +general, blunders is this,--the same rule we apply to individual cases we +will not apply to public. All men consent that swindling for a horse is +swindling,--they punish the culprit and condemn the fault. But in a +State there is no such unanimity. Swindling, Lord help you! is called by +some fine name; and cheating grows grandiloquent, and styles itself +"Policy." In consequence of this there is always a battle between those +who call things by their right names and those who pertinaciously give +them the wrong ones. Hence all sorts of confusion. This confusion +extends very soon to the laws made for individual cases; and thus in old +States, though the world is still agreed that private swindling is +private swindling, there is the Devil's own difficulty in punishing the +swindling of the public. The art of swindling now is a different thing +to the art of swindling a hundred years ago; but the laws remain the +same. Adaptation in private cases is innovation in public; so, without +repealing old laws, they make new. Sometimes these are effectual, but +more often not. Now, my beloved pupils, a law is a gun which if it +misses a pigeon always kills a crow; if it does not strike the guilty, it +hits some one else. As every crime creates a law, so in turn every law +creates a crime; and hence we go on multiplying sins and evils, and +faults and blunders, till society becomes the organized disorder for +picking pockets. + + + + + THE REGENERATION OF A KNAVE. + +A man who begins the world by being a fool often ends it by becoming a +knave; but he who begins as a knave, if he be a rich man (and so not +hanged), may end, my beloved pupils, in being a pious creature. And this +is the wherefore: "a knave early" soon gets knowledge of the world. One +vice worn out makes us wiser than fifty tutors. But wisdom causes us to +love quiet, and in quiet we do not sin. He who is wise and sins not can +scarcely fail of doing good; for let him but utter a new truth, and even +his imagination cannot conceive the limit of the good he may have done to +man! + + + + + STYLE. + +Do you well understand what a wonderful thing style is? I think not; for +in the exercises you sent me, your styles betrayed that no very earnest +consideration had been lavished upon them. Know, then, that you must +pause well before you take up any model of style. On your style often +depends your own character,--almost always the character given you by the +world. If you adopt the lofty style,--if you string together noble +phrases and swelling Sonora,--you have expressed, avowed, a frame of mind +which you will insensibly desire to act up to; the desire gradually +begets the capacity. The life of Dr. Parr is Dr. Parr's style put in +action; and Lord Byron makes himself through existence unhappy for having +accidentally slipped into a melancholy current of words. But suppose you +escape this calamity by a peculiar hardihood of temperament, you escape +not the stamp of popular opinion. Addison must ever be held by the +vulgar the most amiable of men, because of the social amenity of his +diction; and the admirers of language will always consider Burke a nobler +spirit than Fox, because of the grandeur of his sentences. How many wise +sayings have been called jests because they were wittily uttered! How +many nothings swelled their author into a sage, ay, a saint, because they +were strung together by the old hypocrite nun,--Gravity! + +THE END. + + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PAUL CLIFFORD, LYTTON *** + +***** This file should be named b162w10.txt or b162w10.zip ***** + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, b162w11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, b162w10a.txt + +This eBook was produced by Bryan Sherman +and David Widger, widger@cecomet.net + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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