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diff --git a/75652-0.txt b/75652-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f51d903 --- /dev/null +++ b/75652-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1655 @@ + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75652 *** + + + + + + + +[Frontispiece: "And I also shall go home." Page 31] + + + + THE + + OLD MAN'S HOME. + + + BY THE REV. WILLIAM ADAMS, M. A. + + AUTHOR OF "THE SHADOW OF THE CROSS," + AND "THE DISTANT HILLS," ETC. + + + With Engravings from Original Designs, + BY WEIR. + + + + NEW-YORK: + GENERAL PROT. EPISCOPAL S. S. UNION, + DANIEL DANA, Jr., AGENT, + Depository 20 John Street. + 1848. + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------------- + +ENTERED according to act of Congress, in the year 1847, by JOHN W. +MITCHELL, (as TREASURER of the General Protestant Episcopal Sunday +School Union,) in the Office of the Clerk of the United States +District Court for the Southern District of New York. + +--------------------------------------------------------------------- + + + + + TO + + JOHN ADAMS, + + Serjeant at Law, + + AS A MARK OF FILIAL GRATITUDE + + And Affection, + + THIS VOLUME IS INSCRIBED + + BY + + THE AUTHOR. + + + + + FOR THEY + + THAT SAY SUCH THINGS + + DECLARE PLAINLY + + THAT THEY SEEK A COUNTRY. + + HEB. xi, 14. + + + + +The Old Man's Home. + + + +CHAPTER I. + + Each in his hidden sphere of joy or woe, + Our hermit spirits dwell and range apart; + Our eyes see all around in gloom or glow-- + Hues of their own, fresh borrow'd from the heart + CHRISTIAN YEAR. + + +There is a scene on the coast of the Isle of Wight with which I have +long since become familiar, but which never fails to exercise a +soothing influence on my mind. It is at the eastern extremity of the +landslip. Large portions of the cliff have fallen away, and formed a +dell so broken and irregular, that the ground has the appearance of +having at one time been agitated by an earthquake. But Nature has +only suffered the convulsion to take place, in order that afterwards +she might bestow her gifts upon this favoured spot with a more +unsparing hand. The wild and picturesque character of the landscape +is now almost lost sight of in its richness and repose. The new soil +is protected from the storms of winter by the cliff from which it has +fallen, and, sloping towards the south, is open to the full warmth +and radiance of the sun. In consequence of this, the landslip has as +it were, a climate of its own; and often when the more exposed parts +of the country still look dreary and desolate, is in the enjoyment of +the blessings of an early spring. Such was the season at which I +first visited it. The grey fragments of rock which lay scattered on +the ground are almost hid by the luxuriance of the underwood, and +countless wild flowers were growing beneath their shade. Below, the +eye rested upon a little bay, formed by the gradual advance of the +sea; and all was so calm and peaceful, that as I watched the gentle +undulation of the waters, I could fancy them to be moving to and fro +with a stealthy step, lest they should disturb the tranquillity of +the scene. + +I have said that a visit to this favoured spot never fails with me to +have a soothing influence. I feel as though I were treading on +enchanted ground, and the whole scene were allegorical; for it +reminds me that, in like manner, the wreck of all our earthly hopes +and plans may but lay open our hearts to the influence of a warmer +sunshine, and enrich them with flowers which the storms of life have +no longer power to destroy. But I cannot now tell whether these +thoughts have their origin in the scene itself, or in an incident +that occurred the first time I visited it. + +It was on the evening of the 18th of April, 1843. I had been long +gazing upon it, and had imagined that I was alone, when my attention +was arrested by a sigh from some one near me. I turned round, and +saw a venerable old man seated upon a fragment of the fallen cliff, +beneath which the violets were very thickly clustering. His hair was +white as silver; his face deeply furrowed, and yet pervaded by a +general expression of childish simplicity, which formed a strong +contrast to the lines which must have been indented upon it by care +and suffering, no less than the lapse of years. I cannot recall the +words of the chance observation which I addressed to him; but it +related to the lateness and inclemency of the season, and I was at +once struck by the singularity of his reply: "Yes, yes," he said, +musingly, "the winter has indeed been very long and dreary; and yet +it has been gladdened, from time to time, by glimpses of the coming +spring." + +I now observed him more closely. There was a strangeness in his +dress which first excited my suspicion, and I fancied that I could +detect a restlessness in his light blue eye which spoke of a mind +that had gone astray. "Old man," I said, "you seem tired; have you +come from far?" + +"Ah, woe is me," he replied, in the same melancholy tone as before; +"I have indeed travelled a long and solitary journey; and at times I +am weary, very weary; but my resting-place now must be near at hand." + +"And whither, then," I asked, "are you going?" + +"Home, sir, home," he replied; and while his voice lost its sadness, +his face seemed to brighten and his eye grow steady at the thought; +"I hope and believe that I am going home." + +I now imagined that I had judged him hastily, and that the answers +which I had ascribed to a wandering intellect proceeded in truth from +depth of religious feeling. In order to ascertain this, I asked: +"Have you been long a traveller?" + +"Four score and thirteen years," he replied; and observing my look of +assumed wonder, he repeated a second time, more slowly and sadly than +before, "Four score and thirteen years." + +"The home," I said, "must be very far off that requires so long a +journey." + +"Nay, nay, kind sir, do not speak thus," he answered: "our home is +never far off; and I might perhaps have arrived at it years and years +ago. But often during the early spring I stopped to gather the +flowers that grew beneath my feet; and once I laid me down and fell +asleep upon the way. And so more than four score and thirteen years +have been wanted to bring me to the home which many reach in a few +days. Alas! all whom I love most dearly have long since passed me on +the road, and I am now left to finish my journey alone." + +During this reply, I had become altogether ashamed of my former +suspicion, and I now looked into the old man's face with a feeling of +reverence and love. The features were unchanged; but instead of the +childish expression which I had before observed, I believed them to +be brightened with the heavenliness of the second childhood, while +the restlessness of the light blue eye only spoke to me of an +imagination which loved to wander amid the treasures of the unseen +world. I purposely, however, continued the conversation under the +same metaphor as before. "You have not, then," I said, "been always +a solitary traveller?" + +"Ah, no," he replied: "for a few years a dear wife was walking step +by step at my side; and there were little children, too, who were +just beginning to follow us. And I was so happy then, that I +sometimes forgot we were but travellers, and fancied that I had found +a home. But my wife, sir, never forgot it. She would again and +again remind me that 'we must so live together in this life, that in +the world to come we might have life everlasting.' They are words +that I scarcely regarded at the time, but I love to repeat them now. +They speak to me of meeting her again at the end of our journey." + +"And have all your children left you?" I asked. + +"All, all," he replied. "My wife took them with her when she went +away. She stayed with me, sir, but six years, and left me on the +very day on which she came. It seems strange now that I could have +lived with them day after day without a thought that they were so +near their journey's end, while I should travel onward so many +winters alone. It is now sixty years since they all went home, and +have been waiting for me there. But, sir, I often think that the +time, which has seemed so long and dreary to me, has passed away like +a few short hours to them." + +"And are you sure, then," I said, "that they are all gone home?" It +was a thoughtless question, and I repented the words almost before +they were spoken. The tears rose quickly in the old man's eyes, and +his voice trembled with emotion, as he replied: "Oh! sir, do not bid +me doubt it. Surely, every one of them is gone home; one, at least, +of the number is undoubtedly there; and they all went away together, +as though they were travelling to the same place; besides, sir, my +wife was constantly speaking to them of their home; and would not +their journey as well as my own have been prolonged, if their home +had not been ready for them? And when I think of them, I always +think of home; am I not, then, right in believing that all of them +are there?" + +There were allusions in this answer which I did not at the time +understand; but the old man's grief was too sacred for me to intrude +further upon it. I felt, also, that any words of my own would be too +feeble to calm the agitation which my thoughtless observation had +caused. I merely repeated a passage from holy Scripture, in reply, +"Blessed are the dead that die in the Lord, even so saith the Spirit, +for they rest from their labours." + +The old man's face again brightened, and as he wiped away the tears, +he added, "And 'Blessed,' also, 'are they that mourn, for they shall +be comforted.' There is not only a blessing for those who have been +taken to their rest, but there is the image of that blessing to cheer +the old man who is left to pursue his solitary journey." + +At this moment, the sun, which had been obscured by a passing cloud, +suddenly shone forth, and its rays were reflected by a path of gold +in the silent waters. The old man pointed to it with a quiet smile; +the change was in such harmony with his own thoughts, that I do not +wonder at the metaphor it suggested to him. "There," said he, "is +the blessing of the mourner! See! how it shines down from the heaven +above, and gilds with its radiance the dreary sea of life." + +"True," I replied; "and the sea of life would be no longer dreary, if +it were not for the passing clouds which at times keep back from it +the light of Heaven." His immediate answer to this observation +proved the image which he had employed, to be one long familiar to +his own mind. "There are indeed clouds," he said, "but they are +never in Heaven; they hover very near the earth; and it is only +because our sight is so dim and indistinct that they seem to be in +the sky." + +A silence of some minutes followed this remark. I was, in truth, +anxious that the old man should pursue the metaphor farther. But the +gleam of light passed away as the sun sunk behind the western hills. +His feelings appeared to undergo a corresponding change, and he +exclaimed, hastily, "The day is fast drawing to a close; and the +night must be near at hand: I must hasten onward on my journey. +Come, kind sir, and I will show you where my friends are waiting for +me." + +I was wondering whether he now spoke metaphorically or not, when my +thoughts were suddenly turned into a new channel, and my former +painful suspicions returned. As the old man leant upon his staff, +his wrists became exposed to view, and I saw that they were marked +with deep blue lines, which could only have been caused by the +galling of a chain in former years. + +The poor wanderer observed the look I gave them. A sudden flush of +shame overspread his countenance, and he hurriedly drew down his +garment to conceal them. It was, however, but a momentary impulse; +he again exposed them to my view, and himself gazed sadly upon them, +as he said, "Why should I try to hide them, when they are left there +to remind me constantly of my true condition? For in times past I +have borne the pressure of more wearing bonds than those; and though +I have been released from them now, no one can tell how dark and deep +is the stain that they have left upon the soul." Something more he +added, but his eye was turned meekly towards Heaven, and it was only +from the movement of his lips that I fancied I could trace the words +of the prayer, "Though we be tied and bound with the chain of our +sins, yet let the pitifulness of Thy great mercy loose us." + +He now began to move slowly forward. The ground was rough and +uneven, and his step so very feeble, that I expected every instant to +see him fall. He struck his foot against a stone, and I sprang +forward to his assistance. "Thank you, kind sir," he said, in his +quiet way; "but do not fear for me; my own frail limbs could not +support me for an instant: but I have a staff on which I lean; and +though I may stumble at times, I cannot fall." + +Again I was in doubt whether to interpret his words literally or not; +but my belief was that the old man almost unconsciously used the +language of allegory. Long habit had so taught him to blend together +the seen and the unseen world, that he could not separate them. Life +was to him a mirror, and in the passing objects of sight and sense, +he never failed to recognise the images of spiritual things. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + So wanderers, ever fond and true, + Look homeward through the evening sky, + Without a streak of heaven's soft blue, + To aid affection's dreaming eye. + CHRISTIAN YEAR. + + +At the conclusion of the last chapter I gave the opinion that I +formed of the old man from the brief conversation I myself had with +him. The following incident cast, as it were, a shadow upon it, and +robbed it of its brightness, but did not really alter it. My +intercourse with him was brought to a sudden and painful conclusion. +It was at my persuasion that he crossed a stile which separated the +wild scenery of the landslip from the public road leading to the +little village of B----. I thought it would be easier for him to +walk along the more beaten track. He had yielded with apparent +reluctance to my request. His unwillingness appeared to proceed from +instinct rather than reason. It may in part have arisen from a kind +of natural sympathy which attracted him to that wild luxuriant spot; +in part from an unconscious dread of the danger to which he actually +became exposed. He simply said, "This smooth way was not made for +the like of me, kind sir; but under your protection I will venture +along it." + +Alas! I little thought of the kind of protection he required. We +had advanced but a few hundred yards, and had just reached the summit +of the hill which commanded the first view of the village church. +The old man had paused for a little while, and appeared to gaze upon +it with a feeling of the most intense interest; I was afraid, even by +a passing question, to interrupt the quiet current of his thoughts; +when the silence was suddenly broken by the creaking of a cart-wheel, +which grated harshly on my ear; and almost before I could look round, +I heard a voice of rude triumph behind me, crying out, "There he +is--there he is--there goes the old boy! Stop him, stop him, sir! he +is mad." + +I have no heart to describe the scene that followed: the poor +wanderer shuffled forward, with a nervous, hurried step; but in a few +seconds the cart was at his side; the driver immediately jumped out, +and, seizing him by the collar, with many a rude word and coarse +jest, tried to force him to enter it. For a moment, surprise and +indignation deprived me of speech, for I had began to regard the old +man with such a feeling of reverent love, that it almost seemed to me +like a profanation of holy ground. When, however, he turned his eyes +towards me, with an imploring look, I recovered myself sufficiently +to demand by what authority he dared thus molest an inoffensive +traveller on his journey. In my inmost heart, I dreaded the answer I +should probably receive; neither was my foreboding wrong; the man +laughed rudely as he replied, "He has been mad, quite mad, for more +than fifty years; he escaped this morning from the Asylum, and one of +the keepers has been with me all day long scouring the country in +search of him." + +It was in vain that I sought a pretext for disbelieving the truth of +the story. I could not help feeling that it did but confirm a +suspicion which, in spite of myself, had kept crossing my own mind; +for the bright colouring which was shed by faith on the thoughts and +words of the old man was not alone a sufficient evidence that they +were under the guidance of reason. Yet, of one thing, at least, I +felt sure, that, whatever were the state of his intellect, it could +be no imaginary cause that now so strongly moved him. My heart bled +for him, as I listened to the pathetic earnestness with which he +implored the protection that I was unable to afford. He even forgot +to use the language of metaphor in the agony of his grief. "Indeed, +indeed, sir," he said, "they call me mad, but do not believe them, +for I am not mad now. There, there," he added, pointing towards the +church, "my wife and children are waiting for me. It was on this +very day that they went away, and we have now been parted sixty +years. I have travelled very far to join them once again before I +die. Oh, have pity upon me! I only ask for one little half hour, +that I may go on in peace to the end of my journey." + +Large drops of moisture trembled on his forehead as he uttered these +words; his whole face became convulsed with emotion, and he clung +with such intensity to my garment, that his rude assailant tried in +vain to unloose his grasp. The man himself was evidently frightened +by the agitation which his own violence had caused, and appeared +doubtful how to proceed, when the scene was fortunately interrupted +by the arrival of his companion. + +He was the keeper who had been sent from the Asylum with the cart, +but had left it in order to search the pathway which led through the +landslip. His look and manner afforded a striking contrast to those +of the first comer, who proved to be merely the owner of the vehicle, +which had been hired for the occasion. Immediately on his arrival, +he reprimanded him for his rude treatment of the old man, and +insisted on his returning to the cart, and desisting from all farther +interference. My hopes were greatly raised by this, and I flattered +myself that I should now have little difficulty in obtaining for the +poor wanderer the indulgence which he sought. But I soon found my +mistake; and, under the irritated feelings of the moment, almost +preferred the rude conduct of the first comer to the quiet +determination with which his companion listened to my request. + +He merely smiled at the account I gave of my own interview with the +old man; and when I suggested that it contained no evidence of +insanity, shook his head, and replied, "You do not know poor Robin. +His notions about home are the peculiar feature of his madness; but +you are not the first person that has been deceived by them." + +He spoke in a low tone, as though he were anxious not to be +overheard. But the precaution seemed unnecessary; for, though the +old man had mechanically retained his grasp on my garments, he was +now looking eagerly towards the village church, and I could see, from +the expression of his countenance, that his thoughts had passed away +from the scene around him. + +When I found my arguments of no avail, I changed my ground, and +besought as a favour that he would make the trial of letting the old +man proceed to the end of his journey, and trust to his promise to +return quietly from thence. "Sir," he replied, in a louder voice, "I +should have no more hesitation in trusting the word of poor Robin +than your own. He never deceived me; and, under ordinary +circumstances, I would at once grant his request; but the hour is +late, and, as it is, the night will close in upon us before we can +get back to the town of N----. The responsibility will rest upon me, +if mischief should arise from any additional delay. I am sure Robin +himself would not desire it." As he said this, he turned towards the +old man, but his countenance was unchanged, his eye still fixed upon +the church, and he either had not heard the words at all, or they had +failed to convey any distinct impression to his mind. + +After a pause, I again renewed my entreaties, urging that it would at +least be a better plan than having recourse to violence, which must +eventually produce a far more serious delay. "Of course," said the +attendant, "anything is better than having recourse to violence." +"Then," said I, "you accede to my request?" "Only," replied he, with +a provoking smile, "in case all other methods fail; but as the delay +would be a real inconvenience to us, you must permit me first to try +my powers of persuasion. Let me now beg of you, whatever surprise +you may feel, to be careful to express none." He again lowered his +voice as he said these words, and, in spite of the dislike inspired +by the self-confidence of his manner, and of other stronger emotions, +my curiosity was excited to know how he would proceed. He placed +himself opposite to the old man, so as to intercept his view of the +village, and then, having fixed his eye calmly and stedfastly upon +him, with an appearance of real interest, thus soothingly addressed +him:--"I would gladly go on with you, Robin; but am sure you are +under some mistake. Your wife and children cannot be in yonder +village,--they are not there, they are at home. Come quietly with me +now, and perhaps this evening you may go home also." + +These simple words touched some hidden chord in the old man's heart, +and their effect was almost magical. All other feelings passed away, +and I forgot the presence of his companions, as I watched the change +which they produced. His features became composed, his hand relaxed +its hold, and his voice resumed its former tranquil tone, as he +slowly repeated: "They are not there, they are at home; they are not +there, they are at home. True, very true, they are not there, they +are at home." + +Presently he raised his eyes to Heaven, and the attendants, no less +than myself, were overawed by the solemnity of his manner. There was +a silence of a few seconds, during which he seemed to listen +intently; and then, as though he had heard some echo from above, +which confirmed the hope that had been held out to him, he +confidently added: "And I also shall go home,--and this very evening +I shall be there." + +While I was still pondering on these words, the old man had of his +own accord quietly placed himself in the cart, and his companions had +seated themselves by his side. They were on the point of driving off +before the thought occurred to me of offering him money. I drew out +my purse, half expecting him to refuse the proffered gift; and it was +with a strong feeling of disappointment that I observed the look of +satisfaction, almost amounting to eagerness, with which he took the +silver from my hand. I said within myself, "Can it be, then, that +the taint of covetousness is to be found in a mind from which every +earthly affection seems so entirely to have been withdrawn?" But I +wronged him by the thought. The money was immediately taken from +him, and he resigned it to another no less gladly than he had +received it from me. "It will not do," said the keeper, "to let him +have it himself: he will merely give it away to the first beggar that +he meets. He has not the slightest notion of the real value of +money. It shall be laid out for his benefit; and till then it will +be safe in my keeping." + +My countenance may have expressed dissatisfaction at the change, +though, in truth, I had no objection to make to it. But the old man +himself interrupted me before I could reply, and said, "Do not be +afraid, kind sir, whether it remain with me or him; your treasure +will be safe, quite safe; it matters not now whether it remain with +me or him;" and then added, in a more solemn tone, "safe 'where +neither rust nor moth doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break +through and steal.' I will take it home with me; and when you also +go home, you will find it there." And I now understood how it was +for my sake that he had so gladly welcomed the gift; and I thought, +too, that if in truth money had a real value at all, it must be the +one which was assigned to it by him. + +The men were in a hurry to depart, and I was now forced to bid adieu +to the old man. He appeared so sorry to leave me, that I promised on +the morrow to come and see him. I did not like to use the word +Asylum, so I said at his dwelling-place. The expression at once +caught his ear, and re-awakened the train of thought which my gift +had interrupted for a time. + +"Not in my dwelling-place," he said, "for to-morrow I shall not be +there. If you see me again, kind stranger, it must be at home. May +God bless you, and guide you on your way." The cart was already in +motion, but he looked back once more, and waved his hand as he said, +"Good bye, sir. Remember that we all are going home!" + +They were the last words I heard him speak, and it is perhaps from +that cause that they made so strong an impression on my mind; for +often since then, when I have been tempted to wander from the right +path, or murmur as I walked along it, I have thought upon the old +man's parting warning, and asked myself the question, "Am I not going +home?" + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + Two worlds are ours: 'tis only Sin + Forbids us to descry + The mystic heaven and earth within, + Plain as the sea and sky. + CHRISTIAN YEAR. + + +Very early on the following morning I proceeded on foot to the town +of N----. The scenery through which I passed was rich and beautiful, +but it was lost upon me at the time; for there were busy thoughts +within which would not suffer my eye to rest on any external object. +I was on my way to visit the old man, and had a presentiment, almost +amounting to conviction, that I should not find him alive. The +words, "I also shall go home, and this very evening I shall be +there," in spite of myself, kept recurring to my mind. It was to no +purpose that I endeavoured to set them aside, as part of the +wanderings of a disordered intellect: there was a solemnity in the +look and manner of the poor wanderer, which gave a reality to their +meaning; and I believed the shadow of the future to have been resting +on his spirit at the time he spoke them. + +These fears gradually increased as I approached the Asylum. At the +entrance, there stood a little girl, weeping as though her heart +would break. A woman, who appeared to be her mother, was trying in +vain to comfort her. Her only reply to every caress, was a fresh +burst of sobs and tears. The scene was so in harmony with my own +thoughts, that the very instant I saw her, I guessed the cause of her +sorrow. Nor was my conjecture wrong: the child had dearly loved the +old man, and wept because he was no more. + +The father of this girl was the superintendent of the Asylum. He +also was standing by, and offered to accompany me through the +building. On the way, he proved very willing to gratify my curiosity +concerning the stranger who had excited in me so singular an +interest. I soon found him to be an intelligent, kind-hearted man, +who had entered instinctively into the thoughts and wishes of poor +Robin, and yet had failed to appreciate what I may call the religion +of his character. His daily familiarity with the varied forms of +insanity, may in part have been the cause. He had at once regarded +him as a patient labouring under a peculiar kind of mental delusion, +without looking beyond. In consequence of this, there was much in +our conversation which grated harshly on my own feelings. I loved +better to think of the old man as I had first seen him, sitting in +the midst of the picturesque scenery of the landslip, than confined +within the gloomy walls of a pauper Asylum. The close rooms through +which we passed, the dull tones of the superintendent's voice, his +conviction of poor Robin's insanity, and even the compassionate +interest with which he spoke of him, all interfered with the +brightness of the image which my own mind had previously formed. It +would have been more in harmony with my thoughts, to have heard from +the child who was weeping for him, the simple narrative of the old +man's life: but, perhaps, the contrast in the colouring of the +picture only brings out the more strongly its intrinsic beauty; and, +for this reason, I will still endeavour to trace it as it was first +presented to my own view. + +The outline is soon drawn. Poor Robin had, for more than half a +century, been an inmate of the Asylum. No one could tell from whence +he had been brought there, or say anything with certainty of his +previous history. It was, however, generally believed that he had +known better days, but that some very heavy affliction had brought on +mental derangement; and that, in consequence of this, his property +had gradually gone to ruin, until at length he was consigned to a +pauper asylum. He had been placed there under a very different +system of treatment from that which now prevails. It had even been +thought necessary, in the first instance, to confine him with chains +and handcuffs: and he would often struggle, in a paroxysm of passion, +to set himself free. But after a few years, all the more violent +symptoms of his disorder had entirely disappeared, and he became so +quiet and resigned, that the physician had considered it safe to +release him from his bonds, and suffer him to wander at large within +the precincts of the Asylum. + +"There can be no doubt of the facts, sir," continued my guide, "for +the marks on poor Robin's wrists prove him to have, at one time, +undergone a very rigorous confinement; and yet, when I came here, I +found that he had been long in the enjoyment of comparative freedom. +But it is a case that always perplexes me, when I think of it; for +the general effect of harsh treatment is to render the patient more +violent and intractable than before: and I cannot understand from +what cause the change in poor Robin's conduct could in the first +instance have arisen." + +"Do you not think," I asked, "that it may have been a sign of +returning reason?" He smiled at the question, as he replied, "So far +from it, sir, that it was accompanied by a new and extraordinary +delusion, which never afterwards entirely left him. He fancied that +the bonds which he felt and saw, were merely imaginary, and that +there were other invisible chains which were the real cause of his +confinement. They say, that from the time this idea once gained +possession of his mind, he made no farther effort to recover his +freedom, but even thanked the attendants for the care they were +taking of him, and became as gentle and submissive as a child." Then +I remembered the metaphor, which the old man had employed when the +marks on his wrists had attracted my attention; and I said within +myself that it was not indeed the return of reason, but a brighter +and a far holier light, which had thus shone on the poor captive, and +brought peace and resignation to his soul. + +After his partial release, the manners and language of Robin had soon +excited observation, and strengthened the belief that he must at one +time have known better days. It was not, however, till the milder +system of treatment was introduced generally into the Asylum, that +the full beauty of his character had developed itself. Since that +time, he had gradually won the affection of many of the patients, and +had become an object of deep interest to all visitors. They had +often come for the express purpose of talking with him. "And," +continued my conductor, "I often listened with wonder to the various +interpretations they put upon his answers. Some would discover in +them poetry; some, philosophy; some, religion; some, I know not what, +according to the previous bias of their own minds." I inquired in +what light he himself was disposed to view them? "As the wanderings +of insanity," he replied; "for poor Robin was, undoubtedly, mad:" but +presently added, more thoughtfully, "yet there was something in his +peculiar kind of madness which I could never exactly fathom." + +I asked, whether no friend or relative had come to inquire after the +old man, during the long period of his confinement? "No one," +answered my conductor; "and so far, it was a mercy that he had been +deprived of his reason, since his madness prevented his being aware +of his own solitary condition." + +"How do you mean?" I said; "surely he could not help feeling that he +was alone?" + +"On the contrary," he replied, "he fully believed that he had a wife +and children and home, and would speak, from day to day, of going to +join them. Poor fellow! at one time, those who had the care of him +would argue with him, and endeavour to explain to him that he was +under a delusion. And the old man would soon get confused in his +reasoning, and end by wringing his hands, in an agony of grief. But, +since I have come here, I have thought it best to humour him in the +belief; and not only forbidden all contradiction on this subject, but +encouraged the attendants to talk to him about his home, and promise, +that if he behaved well, he should go there very soon. You will +hardly believe that I have seen tears of joy run down his cheeks at +these simple words. Yet some have said, that it was almost cruel to +encourage a hope which must end in disappointment at last." + +"But did it end in disappointment?" I said, following my own +thoughts, rather than addressing my companion. He seemed struck by +the remark, and, after a pause, replied, "Why, sir, one can hardly +say that it did; for the hope seemed to grow stronger, instead of +weaker, as year after year passed by; and he continued in the same +happy delusion to the very hour of his death. I have often thought +that this imaginary home was a source of greater joy and comfort to +him than the possession of any actual home could have been. When +anything vexed or disturbed him, he would say, that when at home, he +should feel it no more. When he felt dull and depressed, he would +rouse himself by the thought that he was going home. I myself have, +at times, felt disposed to envy him his belief: and there was +something very wonderful in the influence it gave him over his +companions." + +I inquired, how this belief could influence others? "Because," said +he, "Robin was unable to separate the present from the future; and so +it was part of his confusion of ideas to believe that those with whom +he lived here, would live with him in his home also. It is the only +instance I have known of a person under the influence of insanity +being able to impart his own views to his companions. But there +seemed to be a kind of infection in the old man's madness; and more +than one patient, who had previously been plunged in hopeless +despondency, was gradually led to take interest in Robin's home. The +effect has been so salutary with us, that I have often wished the +same happy delusion could be introduced generally into other asylums." + +I was following the deep train of reflection awakened by this remark, +and wondering how far it might indeed be possible to graft religion +on the imagination, and so to soothe and cheer the dreams of insanity +with the hope of Heaven; when my conductor again resumed the +conversation. "There was, sir," he said, "another delusion of the +old man, scarcely less happy in its consequences than his belief +about his home. You might have fancied that, from having once known +better days, he would have felt bitterly the degradation of his new +condition; but the whole time that he was in the Asylum he seemed +utterly unconscious that he was dependent on the parish for support." + +"Do you mean," I asked, "that he imagined something had been +preserved from the wreck of his own property?" + +"Not in the least," he replied; "he was fully aware that his own +property was gone; but he believed his daily wants to be supplied by +a kind of miracle; and would often observe that he had gone on for +more than fifty years without making provision for the morrow, and +yet had never known what it was to be without clothing or food. Of +course, sir, I did everything in my power to encourage him in the +belief: but, one day, I was greatly annoyed to find a visitor, who +was not aware of the old man's peculiarities, endeavouring to explain +to him that the parish was bound to find him support." + +"And did he," I asked, "appear much hurt at the discovery?" + +"Fortunately not, sir," he replied; "and this I own quite took me by +surprise, for I greatly feared lest the consciousness of his +dependence might destroy that feeling of self-respect, which, in all +cases of insanity, it is so important to preserve. But Robin was +rather pleased than vexed at the idea of the parish providing for +him. Presently, however, he grew bewildered, and shook his head, and +said, that, after all, the parish could not provide for him beyond a +single day, and that, perhaps, to-morrow he might be at home. The +visitor was beginning to say something in reply; but Robin's home was +with me sacred ground, and I would not suffer the argument to proceed +further." + +Another pause of some minutes followed, until I broke it by inquiring +whether the child that I had observed at the entrance were related to +the old man. + +"Oh, no, sir," he replied, "little Annie is my own daughter, and many +persons have wondered that I suffered her to be so constantly with +him. But I consider the society of children to be very beneficial to +the insane; there is something in their ways and language which they +can understand far better than our own; and this was peculiarly the +case with poor Robin." + +"And do you suppose," I said, "that the child liked to be with him?" + +"Undoubtedly," he replied; "for the choice was her own. I merely +encouraged it. But Robin had an inexhaustible stock of fairy tales, +which made him a great favourite with children; and Annie would sit +and listen to them for hours together." + +"Do you really mean," I asked, in some surprise, "that they were +fairy tales?" + +"Why, sir, for that matter," he answered, "poor Robin himself +believed them to be true, and it was that which gave a peculiar +interest to his manner of telling them. Some visitors have fancied +them to be a kind of allegory; and I have often traced in the words a +double meaning, of which the old man himself could hardly have been +conscious. But, however this may have been, it is clear that they +were connected with his particular mental delusion, from the way in +which his imaginary home formed the prominent feature of every story." + +I expressed a wish to hear one of them, and yet was hardly sorry when +he confessed himself to be unable to comply with my request. He told +me that he had only heard them in detached portions, for the patients +in the Asylum were too numerous to allow him to devote as much time +to poor Robin as he might otherwise have done. "But, sir," he +continued, "little Annie knows them all by heart, though I am afraid +to-day she is feeling too deeply the loss of her companion to be able +to repeat one. There certainly was something very singular in her +fondness for the old man, and I have often been perplexed at the kind +of influence he had over her. She herself was sometimes a sufferer +from his delusions, and yet always fancied poor Robin must be in the +right, and would submit to his wishes without a murmur or complaint. +On one occasion, I myself felt called upon to interfere." + +I begged him to relate the circumstance to which he referred. + +"It was, sir," he said, "on Annie's ninth birth-day, in November +last. I had given her in the morning a new Victoria half-crown, and +she went immediately to exhibit her treasure to her friend. She +looked grave and thoughtful on her return; and, when I asked what +purchases she had made with her present, she confessed that the old +man had begged it of her, and she had given it him. The next day, I +told Robin how wrong he had been to take the poor child's money. But +he answered, with his usual strangeness, that he did not in the least +want it, and had asked for it because he loved little Annie, and +wished to do her a kindness. Now, most people would have thought +that this was rather a reason for giving her a present than for +taking one away. And yet the old man spoke the truth, for he knew no +better. It was one of his peculiarities to imagine that he was +conferring a favour whenever he received one." + +There was a passage from Holy Scripture which this answer suggested +to my mind. I remembered "the words of the Lord Jesus, how He said, +It is more blessed to give than to receive,"* and I repeated it +rather to myself than to my companion. The words, however, caught +his ear, and he observed that it was very likely I had hit upon the +truth; for the understanding texts of Scripture in their literal +meaning, was one feature of poor Robin's insanity. + + +* Acts xx. 35. + + +With a view to pursuing the subject farther, I inquired whether the +old man had restored the money. + +"No, sir," replied my guide; "and this is the most provoking part of +the story. I should not so much have minded if he had wished for it +as a keepsake from the child; but he said he had lent it to some +companion who had more need of it than himself. He did not even so +much as remember his name. I told him he had much better have given +it at once, as he had no chance of seeing it again. His own mind, +however, was perfectly at rest about it, and he assured me that it +was only lent, and would undoubtedly be restored, if not sooner, at +least when he went home. Of course, sir, when he touched upon his +home, I did not venture to press him farther. But this was another +of his delusions, which, though comparatively harmless while he was +staying here, must of itself have entirely unfitted him for the +management of his own affairs. He would lend all that he had to his +brother paupers, and, though no one ever thought of repaying him, was +just as happy as if the things remained in his own possession." + +And another passage of Holy Scripture rose to my remembrance, "He +that hath pity on the poor, lendeth unto the Lord; and look, what he +layeth out, it shall be paid him again." And I did not wonder that, +with so sure a promise, the mind of poor Robin should have been at +rest. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + Ever the richest, tenderest glow + Sets round th' autumnal sun-- + But there sight fails; no heart may know + The bliss when life is done. + CHRISTIAN YEAR. + + +I have reserved for a separate chapter that part of my conversation +within the walls of the Asylum, which led to a description of the +closing scene of the old man's life. I was still reluctant to admit +his insanity, for it seemed to me that he had only so fully realized +the presence of the unseen world, as to have forgotten altogether the +things of sight in the things of faith. I inquired, therefore, of my +companion, whether any more decided symptoms of madness had ever +exhibited themselves than those which he had already mentioned. He +appeared surprised at the question, but replied, that, though the old +man was always more or less under the influence of the disorder, +there undoubtedly were certain periodic returns of it, and that these +uniformly occurred at the commencement of spring. + +"And did these," I asked, "render him for the time violent and +intractable?" + +"Oh, no, sir," he answered; "ever since I have known him he has been +the same quiet and inoffensive creature, and his madness used rather +to assume a melancholy form. He became sad and dejected, and refused +to eat, and would pass whole days together in his own solitary cell. +On one occasion, my wife sent little Annie, in the hope that she +might cheer him; but he would not even admit the child; he told her +that his father was then with him, and that he would not talk to her. +I went myself when I heard this; but, upon opening the door, I found, +as I expected, that he was alone." + +"Perhaps," said I, "he may have meant that he was praying to his +Father in Heaven. + +"It is not unlikely," he replied; "for prayer was one way in which at +these seasons his madness most frequently exhibited itself. I mean," +he added, observing my look of surprise, "that he did not then pray +like other people, but would often remain whole hours together upon +his knees." + +And I remembered how the prophetess Anna was said to have served God +with fastings and prayers night and day, and how our blessed Lord +Himself had continued a whole night in prayer to God; but I made no +farther reply. + +"The doctor," resumed my conductor, "considered the long solitude to +be so bad for him, that for the last few days he had not suffered him +to remain in his cell. It was, perhaps, this circumstance which +turned the current of his thoughts into another channel, and led to +his wandering from the Asylum." + +I was not sorry to change the conversation, by inquiring how he had +contrived his escape. + +"Nay," he replied, "it is hardly fair to speak of it as an escape. +We were never very strict with the old man, and often suffered him to +go beyond the boundaries. On the present occasion, he had made no +secret of his intention, and told one of the attendants that he was +anxious to pay his wife and children a visit, and should soon be +back. I have no doubt myself that he intended to keep his word; but +he probably started, in the first instance, in a wrong direction, and +so lost his way." + +"What do you mean," I asked, "by his starting in a wrong direction? +I thought you were ignorant from what part of the island he had been +brought here." + +"True, sir," he replied; "but Robin himself always fancied that his +home lay towards the East: the little window of the cell he occupied +looked in that direction; and, though it was too cold for him in the +winter months, we never could persuade him to change it for one with +a southern aspect. He always said that he did not feel the cold, as +long as he could see his home. Now, there is nothing but a small +hamlet visible from the window, and, of course, when the old man did +not return, I sent to it to inquire after him." + +"And had he been there?" I said. + +"No, sir," he replied; "and, after wasting many hours in the search, +we at length heard that he had been seen walking along the road which +led direct to the Undercliff. It was this circumstance which enabled +him to get so many miles from the Asylum before he was overtaken. +But, as I said, I do not think that he intentionally misled us, but +only missed his way." + +Now I knew full well that the village of B---- was not the home of +which the old man had spoken; but, when I remembered the agony with +which he had implored to be allowed to proceed thither, I could not +believe that mere accident was the cause of his journey. I resolved +to return thither to prosecute my inquiries; but before I left the +Asylum, asked to see the room which poor Robin had occupied. + +"This is it, sir," said my conductor, as he threw open the door of a +low narrow cell. "You will find it smaller and more comfortless than +many others, but it is the one in which he was placed when he was +first brought here; and he had become so fond of his little window, +and the view towards the East, that it would have been a mistaken +kindness to force him to change it." + +I scarcely heard the words of apology, for I felt a sudden thrill as +I found myself ushered thus unexpectedly into the chamber of death. +The old man was lying upon his narrow bed, and a stream of light +through the open window fell upon his tranquil countenance. A single +glance was sufficient to tell me not only that he was indeed dead, +but that his end had been full of peace. There was no convulsion of +the features, and the first symptoms of decay had not yet appeared. +His eyes had been left unclosed, but the wandering light was no +longer there, and the smile which from time to time had been wont to +play across his lips, rested quietly upon them now. The one idea +that his look and posture alike conveyed to the mind was that of +perfect tranquillity and repose. I felt that his long journey had at +length been finished, and that the old man was at rest in his home. + +My companion also seemed for awhile absorbed in thought. He advanced +softly to the bedside, and it was not until, with a gentle hand, he +had closed the old man's eyes, that he broke the silence by +observing, "Ah, sir, morning after morning I have found him lying +thus, and gazing through the open window. His sight was gradually +becoming very weak from the glare of light, but he was unconscious of +it himself. And it was but yesterday he told me that in a little +while he should be no longer dazzled by the brightness of his home. +Poor fellow! when I came into the room a few hours since, and saw his +eyes so calm and motionless, though the full rays of the sun were +falling upon them, I knew that he must be dead, and could not help +thinking how singularly his words had come true." + +There was something in the tone of voice in which this description +was given, that proved the speaker to have some secret feeling of its +allegorical meaning, though he himself would probably have been +unable to define it. + +A Bible and Prayer-Book were lying on the table by the bedside. I +turned to the fly-leaf of the former, in the hope that I might at +least gather from it the poor wanderer's name. There was written in +it, "Susan Wakeling; the first gift of her husband, April 18th, +1776." And when I remembered the old man's great age, I conjectured +that the sacred volume must formerly have been his own wedding +present to his bride. I replaced it on the table, and it opened of +its own accord at the eleventh chapter of the Epistle to the Hebrews. +The page was much worn, as though it had not only been often read, +but many tears had fallen upon it. My eye quickly rested on the +passage, "These all died in faith .... and confessed that they were +strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For they that say such things +declare plainly that they seek a country. And, truly, if they had +been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might +have had opportunity to have returned. But now they desire a better +country, that is, an Heavenly."* And while I read, it seemed as +though I had found the text to the old man's history. + + +* Heb. xi. 13-15. + + +Another smaller volume was near them, which proved to be the +Christian Year. My conductor told me that it was the gift of the +chaplain. For a moment I wondered at his choice, for I knew that it +contained much which poor Robin must have been unable to understand. +But the hymn for Septuagesima Sunday, and many others, were marked +with pencil. And as my eye glanced over them, my wonder ceased. +They were all in such perfect unison with the old man's own thoughts, +that, however faint may have been the image which they conveyed, they +could not have failed to exercise a soothing influence on his mind. + +I inquired whether the chaplain used to come often to see him. "Very +frequently," was the reply. "He took great interest in poor Robin, +and the old man was grateful for it." "It certainly was singular," +he added, thoughtfully, "that on his return yesterday evening, he +should have expressed so earnest a wish that the chaplain should be +sent for." + +"And did you refuse?" I asked. + +"Fortunately not, sir," he replied. "I hesitated at first, for it +was very late, and poor Robin was evidently much exhausted with the +fatigue and excitement of the day. But he became so anxious about +it, that my wife interceded for him, and told me she thought he would +go to sleep more quietly after he had been here. I well remember now +the peculiar emphasis with which the old man repeated her words, and +said, 'Yes, yes, I shall doubtless go to sleep more quietly after he +has been here.' It almost seemed as though he felt his end to be +near at hand." + +I begged to know what passed at his interview with the chaplain. My +companion, however, could give me no information as to the first part +of it, for the old man had desired to be left alone with him, and his +wish had been at once indulged. "But," he continued, "on our return +to the room, we found him looking more light and cheerful than we had +ever before seen him; and when I congratulated him, he said that it +was no wonder, for a very heavy burthen had been taken away. The +chaplain then told us that he proposed to administer to him the Holy +Communion, and invited my wife and myself to partake of it with him. +It is a point on which I have always felt doubtful, for persons in +the state of poor Robin must have very indistinct views of the real +nature of a sacrament. In this case the old man's own expression +proved it; for, as he joined in the chaplain's request, he told us +that he was going on a long journey, and might require the food to +support him on the way." + +"Nay," I could not help observing, "surely his journey lay through +the valley of the shadow of death, and he meant that his soul would +be refreshed on its passage by the body and blood of Christ, even as +the body is by bread and wine." + +My companion shook his head as he replied, "I believe, sir, Robin +used the words literally, but the chaplain took the same view of them +with yourself, and it was a point for him and not me to decide. +Certainly nothing could be more grave or attentive than the old man's +manner during the whole ceremony. And it may be that some glimmering +of returning reason was sent to prepare him for the approach of +death. Such cases are not of uncommon occurrence." + +I could not help thinking that, in spiritual things, poor Robin had +not needed its light; but I made no further reply; and my companion +resumed his narrative. + +"When the service was over, the old man merely squeezed the +chaplain's hand in parting, but did not speak to him. I also soon +afterwards went away, but my wife stayed for some time longer +watching by his bedside. He remained perfectly still and silent, +though his eyes were open. At length she asked him whether he did +not feel tired, and wish to go to sleep? And she tells me, that he +smiled like a little infant as he replied, 'Oh no, not at all tired; +for all that wearied me has been taken away.' And then, after a +pause, he added, 'But you may wish me good night now, for I shall be +asleep very soon;--and tell dear Annie I am going home.' He spoke in +so cheerful a tone, that my wife little thought they were his last +words, and she left him, as she fancied, to repose. But it was a +sleep from which he never woke again. Ah, sir," he continued, "it +seems a sad thing to die thus forsaken and alone; and yet, after all, +many who have kind friends and relatives round their sick beds might +envy poor Robin his peaceful end. He went off so quietly at last, +that those who slept in the room adjoining were not disturbed during +the night by the slightest sound. But early this morning, when I +came to inquire after him, he was lying just as you now see him, +quite dead!" + +The deep feeling with which these words were pronounced, convinced me +that he was no less touched than myself by the contemplation of the +outward tranquillity of the old man's death. But who can realize the +inward peace that must have been there when the body fell asleep, and +the soul was released from its long imprisonment, and carried by +angels on its Homeward journey! + +As we left the old man's room, I inquired whether there were many +besides little Annie who mourned his loss. A smile again crossed the +features of my companion, as he replied, "There were many of the +patients who loved him almost as dearly as the child herself, but I +can scarcely speak of them as mourners now. A report spread among +them this morning that Robin was going home; I cannot tell from what +quarter it arose, but when I came to them, they crowded round me to +know if it were true." + +"And did you," I asked, "then tell them that he was dead?" + +"Not in so many words," he replied. "I merely said that he was +already gone home, and that they must not expect to see him here +again. And more than one voice exclaimed in reply, 'Happy, happy +Robin, to be taken home!'" + +Still I observed that I had remarked on the countenance of many of +the patients an expression of sadness. + +"True," he answered, "for with them the transition of feeling from +joy to grief is very rapid. They are not, however, sorrowing for +poor Robin, but for themselves, because they have not been allowed to +accompany him. There were some, in the first instance, who were very +loud in their complaints; but I soothed them by saying that it was +right the old man should go first, because he had been here so long." +After a pause, he continued: "It is my own wish, as well as the +chaplain's, that many of them should attend the funeral, for I would +gladly pay this tribute of respect to Robin's memory. And yet I am +half reluctant to give way to it: the remembrance of the scene might +afterwards throw some gloom over the bright and happy notions which +they have now formed of his home." + +I replied, that it might be so; "and yet," I added, "they would find +in the thanksgivings and prayers of the Burial Service only the exact +echo of their own joy and sorrow." And as I said this, I could not +help feeling that the scene after the old man's death had been in +perfect harmony with his life, and that poor Robin was rightly +rejoiced over and rightly mourned. + +My account of my visit to the Asylum has already far exceeded the +limits which I had assigned it. And yet, at the risk of being +wearisome, I cannot refrain from adding one more fragment from my +conversation within its walls, before I proceed to the more pleasant +task that lies beyond. With a view to prosecuting my inquiries in +the village of B----, I asked my companion whether Robin had ever +dropped a hint of his former calling. + +"Oh yes, sir," was the reply; "he used to say that he had enlisted as +a soldier very early in life, and had at one time been made a +prisoner. I have seen the tears run down little Annie's cheeks at +the piteous tale he would tell of the way in which his enemies had +bound him hand and foot, and cast him into a dark and terrible +dungeon, from which he had hardly escaped with his life. But I +believe the whole story to have been imaginary, and it is one that I +have little difficulty in accounting for. He doubtless referred to +the hardships he had endured at the period of his first imprisonment +in the Asylum. No one can wonder that they should have taken so +strong a hold on his imagination." + +"Did he, then," I asked, "believe that his warfare had long been at +an end?" + +"No, sir," he replied. "And perhaps it would be more correct to say +that the treatment to which he had been exposed was the origin of his +delusion, than that it accounted for it. The idea that he was liable +to the attacks of some secret enemy, seems from that time to have +taken a fixed possession of his brain; and if any one assured him +that he never could be subjected to the same ill usage again, his +invariable answer was, that there was no safety for him except at +home. And then he would maintain that having once enlisted, he could +never cease to be a soldier, and talk of treacherous foes and long +watchings and doubtful conflicts. You would have imagined him, from +his conversation, to have been one who was fighting and struggling +all day long, instead of the quiet, inoffensive character that he +really was. But this, sir, was not all; he would fancy that every +one else was a soldier also. He almost persuaded little Annie that +she had enlisted in the same army with himself; and often made her +sad by talking of the enemies who surrounded her, and the service she +was required to perform." + +[Illustration: Page 76] + +I here interrupted him by asking whether the child had not been +baptized. He at once perceived the drift of the question, and +replied, "I know what you mean, sir,--she was then made the soldier +and servant of Christ." + +"Yes," I added, "and entered into a solemn engagement to fight +manfully under His banner, against sin, the world, and the Devil." + +"True," he answered; "and it is very curious that it was the old man +himself who first pointed out that passage in the Prayer-Book to me. +I remember it struck me at the time that his peculiar notions about +soldiers might, in some way, be connected with it. And I think it +far from improbable; for Robin's madness seemed principally to +consist in his regarding metaphors as realities, and realities as +metaphors. The difference between him and ourselves would be, that +he believed little Annie to be really a soldier, and not merely to be +called one in the Prayer-Book." + +I made no further reply, for my own thoughts grew perplexed, as I +tried to determine with myself what were truths and realities, and +what merely shadows and metaphors, of the things pertaining to our +present existence. + + + + +CHAPTER V + + Oh, bliss of child-like innocence, and love + Tried to old age! creative power to win, + And raise new worlds, where happy fancies rove, + Forgetting quite this grosser world of sin. + CHRISTIAN YEAR. + + +The rooms of the Asylum were hot and close, and as the outer door +opened, it. was very pleasant to escape from them into the fresh, +open air. While we did so, my mind experienced a similar kind of +relief, as the plaintive accents of childhood broke in on my +prolonged conversation with the superintendent. + +In spite of the interest I took in his narrative itself, it was with +a feeling of oppression that I had listened to it; and there was +something very refreshing in the sudden change. The sounds which I +now heard proceeded from little Annie. She was standing on the +threshold, just as I had seen her when I entered, except that her +grief was of a less quiet character than before, and something of +impatience seemed to be mingled with it. + +"It is no use," said her mother, as we approached; "the poor child +will fret herself into a fever, and I cannot persuade her to come +away. She does nothing but beg and entreat to be allowed to see poor +Robin again. I really believe it will be the best way to take her to +his cell." + +"It must not be," replied her husband; "she has no idea of what death +really is; and the sight of the body would rill her mind with strange +fancies, and perhaps do her serious harm; for she herself is but a +poor weakly thing. You know I never refused her permission to visit +him while he was alive, but I cannot suffer it now." "It is +singular," he added, turning to me with a look of vexation, "that I +should have found less difficulty in quieting the complaints of all +the mourners for poor Robin within the Asylum, than in soothing the +grief of my own little girl. I do not like to treat her with +severity, and yet without it I see no hope of getting her away." + +All that I had heard of the child, inspired me with a lively +compassion for her; and I asked to be allowed to try my powers of +persuasion. Permission was readily granted; and I instinctively had +recourse to the old man's last message, as the easiest way of gaining +access to her heart. "Annie," I said, gently, "do you know where +your friend is gone?" The simple question checked her sobs, and she +looked timidly in my face, but made no reply. "Poor Annie!" I +continued; "and did he indeed leave you without telling you whither +he was going?" + +"Home, sir, home," she replied; and the accent, no less than the +words, recalled to my mind the childlike old man: "he often told me +that he was going home." + +"True," I replied; "and he is gone home now. Do you really wish to +see him again?" She was silent; but the look of affection that +beamed on every feature was a sufficient answer; so I continued: "And +if you do see him again, Annie, where will it be?" Her voice +faltered, as she repeated the words, "At home;" and she again burst +into tears. + +"Yes, Annie," I said, after a short pause, "you cannot see him here, +because he is gone away. He is now happy in the enjoyment of his +home, and you must wait till you can go to him there. But, perhaps, +your home is different from his. Is it so, Annie?" + +"Oh, no," she answered, with unexpected earnestness, "we are all +children of the same Father, and all travel to the same Home--that +is," she added, looking down, and colouring deeply, "if we are +careful to keep in the path that leads to it." + +"And what path is that, Annie?" + +"The path of trustful obedience, and quiet faith, and holy love," was +her immediate reply. + +I knew at once that the words were not her own, but that she spoke +from memory, and that I had accidentally led her to one of the old +man's allegories. I was anxious for my own sake to hear more of it, +and it seemed to me that it might be good for her own sorrow to turn +her thoughts for a little while into this channel; so I continued: +"And is it a pleasant path, Annie, that leads us home?" + +"It is an up-hill path," she said; "but, as we walk along it, we can, +if we will, awake soft notes of music beneath our feet, and there are +whispering winds to cheer us on our way." + +"And what, Annie," I asked, "do you mean by the soft music and the +whispering wind?" + +"The soft music is prayer," she replied, "and the whispering wind, +the Holy Spirit of God." + +"And can we," I said, "have the soft music without the whispering +wind? I mean, can we pray without the assistance of God's Holy +Spirit?" But there was no need for me to have explained the +question; the language of allegory was most familiar to the mind of +the child, and she had recourse to it in her reply. "No, sir," she +said, "for the spirit of harmony dwells in the breeze; and it is the +wind alone that gives life to the music, and bears it upward from +earth to Heaven." + +I cannot tell how far she realized the deep meaning of these words, +for I did not venture to examine her upon them. I was afraid lest I +should only render indistinct the image which they conveyed to her +mind, by touching the colours with an unskilful hand. + +Presently I resumed:--"It must, Annie, I think, be a pleasant path +along which the wind thus murmurs, and the music plays!" + +"It is a pleasant path," she replied, "and yet it is very thickly +covered with thorns." "But," she added, and from the smile which for +a moment lit up her countenance, it seemed as though this were the +metaphor which pleased her best, "they are all magic thorns; and if +we look upward to the clear, blue sky, and tread firmly upon them, +they keep changing into flowers." + +"And is there not another path," I said, venturing to guess at the +conclusion of the allegory, "which leads away from home, and along +which the flowers, as you tread upon them, keep changing into thorns?" + +But I was wrong in my conjecture, for she looked perplexed, and +replied, "I do not know, sir, about the other paths; the old man +never used to talk to me but of one." And I felt ashamed of my +question, as I said within myself, "Oh, happy child, to know as yet +but of one path; and happy teacher, to have so shared the innocency +of childhood as to have spoken to her but of one!" + +Presently, however, she continued, as though she observed my +confusion: "But, sir, he said there were flowers which grow by the +way-side. When the wind blows softly upon them they perfume the air; +and their fragrance is very sweet and pleasant to those who pass them +by; but if we stop to gather them, then they become magic flowers, +and keep changing into thorns. And do you know, sir, why it is so?" + +"Not exactly," I replied; "I should like you to explain it to me." + +"Because, sir," she said, "when we gather them, we stoop down, and +turn our eyes towards the earth, instead of gazing upward on the +clear, blue sky." + +"But, Annie," I observed, "you have not yet told me what are the +flowers which we gather, or the thorns on which we tread." + +"The thorns," she replied, "are the trials and afflictions which God +sends us; the flowers are the pleasures and amusements which we make +choice of for ourselves." + +"Then, Annie," I said, "the children who gather the magic flowers are +those who follow their own will, while those who tread upon the magic +thorns are such as submit themselves quietly to the will of God." + +Her countenance became grave, and I saw that she already guessed my +meaning. I thought her mind was now sufficiently prepared to allow +me to apply directly to her own case the old man's allegory; and it +seemed as though his spirit were resting upon me while I did so, and +I used almost unconsciously the language of metaphor. + +"Annie," I continued, "a very sharp and piercing thorn was but +yesterday placed in your path. Your foot is young and tender, and I +do not wonder that you should shrink from treading upon it." She +trembled violently at this direct allusion to her grief, and yet +looked anxiously in my face, as though she wished me to say more. My +own voice began to falter, and I could only add, "But, believe me, +your kind friend did not deceive you; the thorn of affliction lies on +the path homewards; and if you have but courage to walk quietly on, +there is none that with greater certainty will change into a flower. +Go, Annie, and awaken the soft music, and you will be cheered by the +whispering wind." + +One by one the tears trickled down her cheeks, as she turned to her +mother, and said, "Forgive me for my impatience; I am ready now, +dearest mother, to accompany you home; or I will go home directly +myself, and you shall follow me." She did not trust herself to pause +an instant, or make any further reply, but expressed her gratitude to +me by a look, and at once hastened away: and while she went, so vivid +was the impression which the allegory had made on my own mind, that +the wind which played with her garments seemed to possess some holy +charm, and I could fancy that I was listening to strains of music, in +the soft echo of her receding steps. + +The mother also was silent; but there was no mistaking the expression +of her countenance. The subdued smile on her lips, and the bright +tears that trembled in her eyes, as she raised them to Heaven, told +me that she was following the same solemn train of thought with +myself, and treasuring yet more deeply in her heart the sayings of +her child. + +There was a pause of some seconds, and the sound of little Annie's +footsteps had just died away, when the stillness was again broken by +her father's voice. "You were fortunate, sir," he said, "in leading +her to the story of the homeward path; many visitors have considered +it the most beautiful of all that the old man told. It was a great +favourite with the child. I have often heard her repeating detached +portions of it to herself, though I was not aware that she had found +in them so deep a meaning.--It is strange, very strange," he added, +thoughtfully, "for I cannot even now tell who could have explained +them to her. I also have often looked back with wonder on the +answers of the child. But there is a passage from Holy Scripture, +which seems to be their best interpreter, and they never fail to +recall it to my mind: "I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and +earth, that thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and +hast revealed them unto babes."* + + +* Luke x. 21. + + +Poor Annie! My conversation with her gave a ray of brightness to a +visit which otherwise had in it enough of gloom. Nor has this +feeling been in any way changed by the early death of the child. +There is still peace and joy in every thought connected with her, +though within a few months of my first visit to the Asylum little +Annie was laid in her quiet grave. She laboured but one short hour +in the vineyard, and then was taken to the same home with the old man +who had borne so long and so patiently all the burthen and heat of +the day. Yet my own heart was a witness that even her little hour of +labour had not been without its fruit. A romantic story was told +concerning the cause of her death. It was said that she had never +recovered the loss of her friend, but gradually pined away in +consequence of it, and at length died of a broken heart. But I +believed not the tale; for little Annie did not sorrow as those +without hope; and though, perhaps, the cord of affection, that united +her so closely to the old man, may have hastened her progress to the +home to which he was gone, I do not think that her bereavement was +the cause of her death. I had left her with the impression that she +was not long for this world. I cannot exactly describe from whence +this feeling arose. It was not merely because her cheek was wan, and +her complexion delicate, and her little heart seemed to beat with too +eager emotion for the frail prison in which it was confined; but +there was something in her voice, look, and manner, which kept +reminding me of the world of spirits; as though, in all her youth and +innocence, she were walking on its very borders, and her gentle form +might at any moment fade into the mist, and vanish from my view. + +The more I reflected on this, the more sure I became that little +Annie had lived her time, and that no sudden shock had broken +prematurely the thread of life. I thought that this assurance might +afford some comfort to her parents in their heavy affliction; for +Annie was an only daughter. But when I called upon them, the mother +alone was at home; and I soon found that she needed no consolation +which I could afford her. She had her own secret store of treasure +in every word that had fallen from her darling child. I shall never +forget the look with which she said to me, "Ah, sir, I understood +very little of her words while she was alive; but the moment she was +gone, it seemed as though a light was shining upon them from another +world, and I can read them plainly now." And then, after a pause, +she added, "Do you remember, sir, on the very day you were with us, +how she said, 'I will go home directly myself, and you shall follow +me?' I remembered it well; and she saw from my countenance that I +guessed her meaning. "Yes," she continued, as, in spite of every +effort to suppress it, the big tear rolled down her cheek, "it was in +order that her father and myself might learn to follow her, that +little Annie was taken Home. He too, sir, has become since then an +altered man." + +A silent pressure of the hand was my only reply, for I felt that the +afflicted mother had learnt more truly than I could teach her the +lesson which was to be gathered from the death of her child. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + Gently along the vale of tears + Lead me from Tabor's sunbright steep; + Let me not grudge a few short years + With thee toward Heaven to walk and weep. + + But, oh! most happy, should thy call, + Thy welcome call, at last be given-- + "Come, where thou long hast stor'd thy all! + Come, see thy place prepar'd in Heaven!" + CHRISTIAN YEAR. + + +The recollection of little Annie has made me wander from my story, +and I must now hasten to bring it to a conclusion. I left the +Asylum, pondering deeply on the things I had heard and seen. My +heart was sad within me; for I could not help giving way to a feeling +of compassionate sorrow as I thought of the old man's solitary lot. + +His past history seemed, indeed, to be lost in almost hopeless +oblivion. But I knew that he must have been crushed and broken down +by some terrible calamity in early youth; that he had been awakened +from the stupor which it produced to the stern reality of bonds and +chains, and then been doomed to a dull, unvaried captivity, not for +days, weeks, or months, but for a long period of more than fifty +years. Thus reason kept drawing a melancholy picture of one without +home, without friends, dependent on charity for his daily bread, +whose whole existence was a dreary void, with no employment to +beguile his thoughts, no hope to cheer him on his way. It needed +only the recollection of that peculiar solitude of mind, which is +almost the certain offspring of insanity, to complete its gloom. + +And yet, after all, it was my own infirmity which made me sad; for, +when I had strength to gaze on the same picture with the eye of +faith, bright and beautiful were the images that I saw. I then +perceived that he was not without home, for his home was in the land +of spirits beyond the grave; he was not without friends, for his wife +and children were waiting for him there; while he remained upon +earth, he was not dependent, for he felt his daily wants to be +supplied by a Father's care; he never, for a single instant, was +without occupation, for he had a long warfare to accomplish, a +distant journey to perform; and still less was he uncheered by the +blessing of hope, for he was able to rest in humble trust on his +Saviour's promise, and go on, day after day, laying up treasures for +himself, which neither moth nor rust could corrupt, nor thieves break +through and steal. Out of the loneliness caused by his affliction he +had created a new world for himself, or rather, he had been drawn by +it to live in that world which, though unseen, God has really created +for us all. And surely to him life could never have been dull and +unvaried, while he was able to trace the types and emblems of +spiritual things alike in the passing gleams of sunshine, and in the +dark shadows that rested upon his path! + +Mingled with these conflicting emotions, the question from time to +time arose in my mind, 'And was poor Robin really mad?' And again it +was only my own infirmity which caused me to shrink from the reply. +It is hard indeed to define madness; and the state of his intellect +probably varied from time to time. Thus it may have been almost +without a cloud when little Annie was his companion. So, also, +during my own brief interview with him, the stillness of the evening, +and the unison of his own thoughts with the surrounding scene, may +have breathed a soothing influence upon his mind. And yet when I +reflected calmly on that very interview, I felt that they were right +in not suffering the old man to travel alone along the journey of +life. + +His was the second childhood; simple, pure, and holy as the first, +and yet, in his case, no less than the first, requiring a protector's +care. He spoke and thought as a child, and children could understand +him; but the calm mirror of his mind quickly grew troubled in his +intercourse with men, and he then lost the power of explaining his +thoughts, or perhaps of himself distinguishing between the shadow and +the substance, the things of sight and the things of faith. Reason +had resigned her sway during the mental conflict which had been +caused by his calamities; and though peace and quietness had been +restored, she never had attained sufficient vigour to resume it +again. Nay more; it may be that her lamp was the more dim and +uncertain, on account of the brighter and clearer light which from +that time burned unceasingly in his soul. It is possible that he was +slow in observing the different shades of colour that passed across +earthly objects, because to his eye one unfading colour was resting +upon them all; and that his mere intellectual faculties remained weak +and palsied, because out of this very weakness he had been made +strong, and he was at all times conscious of the presence of a surer +support and a safer guide. + +And what matters it, if it were so? Why may we not revere poor +Robin, and love him, and learn from him, and yet not shrink from +acknowledging that his reason had gone astray? Surely there is no +one who would not gladly leave the hard, dull road of life, if only +they could wander with him along the same bright and happy paths! +There is no one who would not give the choicest gifts of reason twice +told, if only they could purchase for them the child-like faith of +that simple-hearted man! + +I was half sorry when my arrival at the village of B---- made me +change these silent meditations for the attempt to investigate the +old man's connexions and history. It was not, however, mere +curiosity that prompted me to do so. I was anxious, if it were +possible, to save him from a pauper's grave. For a long time my +inquiries were in vain. Some few, indeed, had heard of poor Robin, +for his fame, as I have said, had spread beyond the walls of the +Asylum; but the name of Wakeling was unknown to them; and they did +not believe he had ever been connected with the parish of B----. +They referred me, however, to the cottage of the oldest inhabitant of +the village. She was a widow, of very great age, having lived to see +four generations around her. A few years since, they said, she was +able to speak distinctly of events that had happened more than half a +century ago, but latterly her memory had become impaired. + +When I mentioned to her the name of Wakeling, the word at once +awakened some recollection of the past. She twice repeated it, and +added, almost mechanically, "Good and excellent people, sir, and very +kind to the poor." But when I questioned her as to their occupation +and history, and asked what had become of them, she shook her head, +as though the thread of memory had been broken off, and she was +unable to unite it again. + +As a last hope, I referred directly to the spring of 1783, and +inquired whether it had been marked by any particular occurrence. +"Ah, sir," she replied, "much of the past is now like a dream to me, +but that is a period which I never can forget." The tone of sadness +in which these words were uttered, proved some deep sorrow to be +connected with the remembrance of it; and on further questioning, I +learnt that it was a season in which an infectious fever had raged in +the village, and that whole families had been carried off by its +ravages: she herself had then been left an orphan. But though her +recollection of the illness itself seemed as vivid as though it had +occurred but yesterday, of the Wakelings she could say nothing with +distinctness. It may be that her mind was too absorbed with the +remembrance of her own grief to allow her to recur to that of others; +or it may be that, even at the time, in the general affliction the +loss of an individual, however grievous, had been scarcely noticed, +and soon forgotten. At length she seemed to grow weary of my +importunity, and said, "I cannot tell who may have lived, and who may +have died: you must go, sir, to the churchyard, and there you will +find the only certain history of that fatal spring." + +A new thought was suggested by these words, and I repaired thither in +the hope that I might find that information which I had sought in +vain from the living, among the silent records of the dead. + +The evening was now drawing on, and it was in truth the very hour at +which but yesterday I had parted from the old man. I was alone; and +as I trod, with a cautious reverence upon the green sod, there was no +sound to break the tranquillity of the scene, save the ripple of the +waters at the edge of the cliff on which the churchyard stood. Their +restless motion only made me feel the more deeply the stillness of +the hallowed ground itself; and I thought, that if the old man had +been with me, he might have found in it an apt emblem of the quiet +resting-place of the dead, lying on the very borders of the sea of +life, and yet untroubled by its murmuring and sheltered from its +storms. I was not long in discovering the object which I sought. +The rays of the setting sun at once directed me to a stone at the +eastern extremity of the churchyard. It was distinguished from those +around by a simple cross; but in spite of the soft light that was now +shed upon it, it was with difficulty that I deciphered the +inscription which it bore. For not only was the tomb itself thickly +covered with moss and weeds, but my own eye grew dim with tears, as +one by one the few sad words revealed to me the secret of the old +man's history. His restlessness during the spring, the object of his +last solitary journey, and parts of his conversation with myself, +which before had seemed obscure, were now fully explained. The +inscription was as follows:-- + + SACRED + TO THE MEMORY OF + SUSAN, WIFE OF ROBERT WAKELING, + WHO DIED + APRIL 18TH, 1783, AGED 28 YEARS. + ALSO OF THEIR CHILDREN, + ALICE, AGED 6 YEARS, HENRY, AGED 5 YEARS, + AND EDWARD, AN INFANT, + WHO SURVIVED HER ONLY A FEW DAYS. + + "I SHALL GO TO THEM + BUT THEY SHALL NOT RETURN TO ME." + 2 SAM. XII. 21 + + +There was room beneath the text from Holy Scripture for one name +more, and it was there that I added the words: + + ALSO OF ROBERT WAKELING, + WHO DIED + APRIL 18TH, 1843, AGED 93 YEARS. + + +They remain as a simple record that the old man was indeed united at +last, in body as well as spirit, to those whom he had so dearly +loved, and mourned so long. + + + + +[Transcriber's note: Odd and unusual spellings are as printed.] + + + + + + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75652 *** |