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+<!DOCTYPE html>
+<html lang="en">
+<head>
+    <meta charset="UTF-8">
+    <title>
+      Manners for the Metropolis | Project Gutenberg
+    </title>
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+    </style>
+  </head>
+<body>
+<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75300 ***</div>
+
+<h1>MANNERS<br>
+<span class="smaller"><i>for the</i></span><br>
+METROPOLIS</h1>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp50" id="illus1" style="max-width: 29.6875em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/illus1.jpg" alt="Tips!">
+</figure>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<p class="titlepage larger">MANNERS<br>
+<span class="smaller"><i>for the</i></span><br>
+METROPOLIS</p>
+
+<p class="center"><i>An Entrance Key to the<br>
+Fantastic Life of<br>
+The 400</i></p>
+
+<p class="titlepage"><span class="smaller">BY</span><br>
+FRANCIS W. CROWNINSHIELD</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter titlepage illowp62" id="appleton" style="max-width: 6.25em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/appleton.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p class="titlepage">DECORATIONS BY<br>
+LOUIS FANCHER</p>
+
+<p class="titlepage">NEW YORK<br>
+D. APPLETON AND COMPANY<br>
+1908</p>
+
+<p class="titlepage smaller"><span class="smcap">Copyright, 1908, by</span><br>
+D. APPLETON AND COMPANY</p>
+
+<p class="center smaller"><span class="smcap">Copyright, 1908, by</span><br>
+THE METROPOLITAN MAGAZINE COMPANY</p>
+
+<p class="titlepage smaller"><i>Published, October, 1908</i></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p class="center">TO<br>
+<br>
+H. S. C.</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="CONTENTS">CONTENTS</h2></div>
+
+<table>
+  <tr>
+    <td></td>
+    <td class="tdpg smaller">PAGE</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Foreword</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#FOREWORD">3</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Country Houses</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#COUNTRY_HOUSES">9</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Conversation</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#CONVERSATION">27</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Dinners</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#DINNERS">35</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Dances</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#DANCES">53</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Bridge</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#BRIDGE">65</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">The Theater</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#THE_THEATER">85</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Calling</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#CALLING">91</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Our Country Cousins</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#OUR_COUNTRY_COUSINS">95</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Newport</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#NEWPORT">103</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">General Rules</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#GENERAL_RULES">113</a></td>
+  </tr>
+</table>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="LIST_OF_ILLUSTRATIONS">LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<table>
+  <tr>
+    <td></td>
+    <td class="tdpg smaller">FACING PAGE</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Tips</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#illus1"><i>Frontispiece</i></a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Conversation</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#illus2">28</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Hostess</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#illus3">60</a></td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Bridge</span></td>
+    <td class="tdpg"><a href="#illus4">78</a></td>
+  </tr>
+</table>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_1">[1]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="FOREWORD">FOREWORD</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_2"></a>[2]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_3"></a>[3]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">FOREWORD</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>It is undeniable that much of the pleasure
+in modern life is derived from social intercourse.</p>
+
+<p>From time immemorial the gregarious instinct
+has contributed greatly to the charm of
+all populated regions. It is worthy of remark
+that, during the past decade, both in
+America and in England, sudden and violent
+changes have somewhat ruffled the placid
+waters of polite society. These new conditions
+of life have naturally necessitated new
+methods of social procedure. The telephone,
+coeducation, wireless telegraphy, motor cars,
+millionaires, bridge whist, women’s rights,
+Sherry’s, cocktails, four-day liners, pianolas,
+steam heat, <i>directoire</i> gowns, dirigible balloons,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_4">[4]</span>
+and talking machines have all contributed
+to an astonishing social metamorphosis.</p>
+
+<p>Curiously enough no book of etiquette has
+taken count of these violent changes. There
+is literally no Baedeker for this newly discovered
+country. Many fruitful and enchanted
+islands have been sighted, but have, alas, remained
+uncharted.</p>
+
+<p>It is, therefore, with motives of generosity,
+charity, and kindness that this little guide has
+been prepared by the benevolent author.</p>
+
+<p>It will be found to contain concise rules of
+deportment for all the more important social
+ceremonies—from a <i>tête-à-tête</i> to a betrothal,
+a picnic to a funeral, a <i>partie-carrée</i> to a
+divorce, an ushers’ dinner to a Turkish bath,
+and a piano recital to a rout. It also contains
+excellent advice on the choice of a motor car,
+a summer residence, a wife, or a brand of
+cigar.</p>
+
+<p>The author feels that it should prove of
+great value to those people who have been<span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">[5]</span>
+born and brought up in refined and well-bred
+families, and are, at the same time, desirous
+of entering fashionable society.</p>
+
+<p>To our newer millionaires and plutocrats
+it should be a very present help in time of
+trouble, for it is undeniable that many of
+these captains of industry—however strong
+and virile their natures—become utterly helpless
+and panic-stricken at the mere sight of a
+gold finger bowl, an alabaster bath, a pronged
+oyster fork, or the business end of an asparagus.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_6"></a>[6]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_7"></a>[7]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="COUNTRY_HOUSES">COUNTRY HOUSES</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_8"></a>[8]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_9"></a>[9]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">COUNTRY HOUSES</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>A country house is an establishment
+maintained by people of wealth and position
+who have banished from their home
+circle the old ideas of family life: the hearth-side,
+the romping little ones, and the studious
+evenings under the red lamp.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>There is so much that is pleasurable in a
+house party at such an establishment that it
+is difficult to say which part of it is the most
+delightful. It is thrilling to receive the invitation;
+the journey there is full of an expectant
+pleasure; the sport is invigorating;
+the meals are usually palatable; the society
+agreeable. On the whole, however, perhaps<span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">[10]</span>
+the most welcome part of it all is the moment
+of departure.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At a week-end party, when the servant
+calls you in the morning and informs you
+that your bath is running, it is modish to
+sink off to sleep and allow the bath to overflow.
+As soon as you are wide awake make
+certain to turn off the electric light and demand
+from the servant a brandy and soda.
+After this bracer you may light a cigarette
+and send the footman for breakfast and a
+cigar. It is also a wise precaution to ask for
+<i>all</i> the morning papers—otherwise the other
+guests may secure some of them.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>It is usual for the bachelors to dawdle
+about in their riding things until lunch is
+announced. They can then go to their rooms,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">[11]</span>
+take their baths, and change. This puts off
+the agony of the lunch—which is always a
+tiresome meal.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Go up early to dress for dinner, or the
+other guests will have drawn off all the hot
+water for their own baths.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>After a week-end visit it is customary to
+write your hostess a “bread-and-butter letter,”
+or “pleaser.” The following note will
+be found a safe guide for such an occasion.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquote">
+
+<p class="noindent"><span class="smcap">My dear Mrs. Weekende</span>:</p>
+
+<p>How kind you were to open the gates
+of Heaven and give me that little
+glimpse of Paradise. Would you be
+good enough to ask the valet to send me
+my cap? Perhaps, too, the footman
+could forward my golf clubs, which I<span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">[12]</span>
+entirely overlooked in the hurry of departure.
+If not too much trouble, perhaps
+you will ask the maid to express
+me my sponge bag, listerine, and razor
+strop.</p>
+
+<p>With renewed thanks, I am, dear
+Mrs. Weekende,</p>
+
+<p class="center">Yours sincerely,</p>
+
+<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Percy Vanderfort</span>.</p>
+
+<p>P. S.—I am returning to you, by express,
+the woodland violet bath salt,
+the photograph frame, the bedroom
+clock, the silver brushes, the hot-water
+bag, and the two sachet cases which
+your servant mistook for my property.</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When you are visiting in the country
+and your hostess maintains a very small establishment,
+the servant may ask you, on
+awaking you, what you desire for breakfast.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">[13]</span>
+Out of consideration for your hostess you
+should ask for a very small and very simple
+breakfast. Try to confine yourself to grape
+fruit, oatmeal, bacon and eggs, corn bread,
+chicken mince, marmalade, coffee, honey, hot
+biscuits, and orange juice.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Parlor tricks are great assets in a week-ender.
+The most popular are moving the
+scalp and ears, cracking the knuckles, disjointing
+the thumbs, standing on the head,
+tearing a pack of cards, and dancing a cake
+walk.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When the host offers, after breakfast,
+to show you over the farm, gasp, and mention
+your rheumatism. Almost any lie is permissible
+to prevent so terrible a catastrophe.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">[14]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Young girls, when visiting at a house
+party, should be quiet and gentle, well behaved
+and agreeable; but when at home there
+is no reason why they should not be perfectly
+natural.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>The horrors of the guest room are too
+well-known to need enumeration, and can seldom
+be ameliorated. They are, roughly, as
+follows: The embroidered pillow slips, the
+egg-finished sheets, the drawer of the bureau
+that is warped and will not open, the rusty
+pins in the stony pincushion, the empty cut-glass
+cologne bottles, the blinds that bang in
+the night, the absence of hooks on which to
+hang your razor strop, the pictures of the
+“Huguenot Lovers” and Landseer’s “Sanctuary”
+over the headboard of the bed, the
+tendency of the maid to hide the matches,
+the dear little children in the nursery above<span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">[15]</span>
+you, the dead fly in the dried-up ink well,
+and the hidden radiator under the sofa.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When you spend Sunday in the country,
+the proper schedule of tips for the servants
+is as follows:</p>
+
+<table>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Chauffeur</td>
+   <td class="tdr">$10.00</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Butler</td>
+   <td class="tdr">10.00</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Coachman</td>
+   <td class="tdr">5.00</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Footman</td>
+   <td class="tdr">3.00</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Valet</td>
+   <td class="tdr">5.00</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Cook</td>
+   <td class="tdr">nothing</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Maid</td>
+   <td class="tdr">2.00</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Chambermaid</td>
+   <td class="tdr">2.00</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Strapper</td>
+   <td class="tdr">1.00</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td>Groom</td>
+   <td class="tdr">2.00</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+   <td class="tdr">Total</td>
+   <td class="tdr bt">40.00</td>
+  </tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>Should you, however, have but $30 with
+you, you have but to take a very early train,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_16">[16]</span>
+in which case the butler will not have appeared,
+and there will be no necessity to tip
+him. The resourceful bachelor may also decide
+to compensate the maid, if she be pretty,
+by a few pleasant words of appreciation as
+to her beauty and by chucking her under the
+chin, as is invariably done on the stage in
+comic opera.</p>
+
+<p>If your visit has been for a week, the above
+table of tips should be disregarded. At the
+end of such a visit you had best hand the
+housekeeper a letter of introduction to your
+lawyer, together with a list of your securities,
+and allow her to sue your estate for the gratuities.</p>
+
+<p>(If you are from Pittsburg, care should be
+taken to double the above table of tips.)</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>The dressing gong is sometimes meant to
+convey the impression that dinner will shortly<span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">[17]</span>
+be served in the banqueting hall. Usually,
+however, it is the signal for everybody to
+begin a new rubber.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Try to go early to the stables and select a
+good riding horse for the rest of your visit.
+There are seldom more than two good ones.
+The rest are usually roarers or crocks.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>The hostess at a large country house is
+naturally expected to provide all the week-end
+essentials—i. e., liquors, cigars, food,
+carriages—and motors in condition. Besides
+these, however, she should never neglect to
+offer her guests certain little added comforts
+without which they would, very naturally, be
+miserable. Every guest should be supplied,
+therefore, with the following articles: a bottle
+of listerine, a cloth cap, a tennis bat, a<span class="pagenum" id="Page_18">[18]</span>
+hot-water bag, a pair of motor goggles, a
+bag of golf clubs, a sweater, six tennis balls,
+a bathroom, with needle shower (exclusive),
+a bathrobe, a pair of slippers, a pair of tennis
+shoes, a bathing suit, a box of cigarettes
+(fifty in a box), a set of diabolo sticks, a
+riding and driving horse, a fur overcoat, an
+umbrella, a bottle of eau de cologne, and a
+box of postage stamps.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Guests are always invited from Friday
+night to Monday morning. It is wiser for
+the hostess to mention the Monday trains,
+or one of the guests may decide to stop
+longer. This is seldom a wise plan. Hostesses
+should clear the house of all guests
+before the three-day limit. Remember the
+Spanish proverb, “El huesped y el pece à
+tres dias hiede,” which, being translated,
+means, “Any guest, like any fish, is bound to
+be objectionable on the third day.”</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_19">[19]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In certain country houses the architect has
+neglected to supply bathrooms for each of
+the guests. In some extreme cases as many
+as three bachelors are expected to share one
+bath. This is bad.</p>
+
+<p>The best way to maneuver under such circumstances
+is to send your servant early to
+the bathroom and let him lock himself in.
+This will foil the invaders. When he hears
+your special knock on the door, he can open
+to you, and you can then bathe, take a nap
+in the bath, shave, smoke a cigarette, and
+read the papers in quiet.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At a house party every lady of prominence
+is sure to bring at least one Pomeranian
+dog. Many think it wiser to bring a black
+and a brown, so that, no matter what gown
+they may wear, one of the darlings is sure not
+to clash with it. These pets are, of course,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_20">[20]</span>
+extremely expensive. A smart week-end on
+the Hudson will usually average about six
+thousand dollars’ worth of Poms.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In nearly all guest rooms the hostess is sure
+to provide white enamel writing desks, chiffoniers,
+and tables. By leaving lighted cigarettes
+on such articles of furniture you are
+almost certain to secure a very curious and
+amusing stain, or burn. Sometimes, if your
+visit is long enough, you can etch, in this
+way, a complete pattern around a fair-sized
+table. The Greek fret and egg-and-dart designs
+are neat and extremely popular.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>The passage through a country house of
+the framed photograph of a friend is often
+an instructive spectacle to witness. Such a
+trophy usually begins its career in the drawing-room.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_21">[21]</span>
+It is then moved to the library,
+and subsequently to the smoking room. After
+that it begins a heavenly flight into one of
+the guest rooms, from which place it ascends
+on its last earthly pilgrimage to the attic.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>The English have rather a clever way of
+“chucking” a week-end engagement in the
+country. They merely telegraph as follows:</p>
+
+<p>“Impossible to come to-day: lie follows
+by mail.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>An unprotected lady should be careful not
+to employ convivial or tippling butlers. We
+are acquainted with a widow who was recently
+petrified with horror when her drunken
+butler entered her sleeping apartment in
+the dead of the night and proceeded to lay
+the table for six—upon her bed.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_22">[22]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Sunday morning in the country is usually
+rainy. This is invariably the fault of
+the hostess. When you descend in the morning,
+look at her reproachfully; mention the
+rain; remark on the fact that it has always
+rained when you have visited her before; sink
+hopelessly on a sofa, and sigh.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Hostesses very often have a distressing
+way of asking you how you slept. Under
+such circumstances it is permissible to speak
+the truth and to mention, quite frankly, the
+mosquitoes and the topographical whimsicalities
+of your bed.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In a country house, if you find, on going
+up to your room to dress for dinner, that no
+studs have been put into your evening shirt,
+complain at once to the stud groom.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_23">[23]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Beware of inviting fashionable bachelors
+for the week-end unless you maintain an
+adequate <i>ménage</i>. The recent and distressing
+case of a lady (with but one spare room
+and a very small establishment) may serve as
+a terrible example.</p>
+
+<p>Her visitor arrived rather late on a rainy
+night. His belongings looked like those of
+a traveling theatrical company, and included
+one forty horse power Mercedes car, a Swiss
+valet, a violin case, one trunk, two hat boxes,
+five pounds of bonbons, a fur overcoat, a photographic
+camera, a bag of golf clubs, a talking
+machine, two boxes of health cocoa, an
+Austrian chauffeur, an oxygen jar, two polo
+ponies, an air cushion, a wire-haired fox terrier,
+and a box of one hundred clay pigeons.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_24"></a>[24]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_25"></a>[25]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="CONVERSATION">CONVERSATION</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_26"></a>[26]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_27"></a>[27]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">CONVERSATION</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>The conversation at a club should be simple
+and conventional. It is vulgar to go into
+long or prolix discussions. Only a few remarks
+are <i>comme il faut</i>, such as “Hello!”
+“Deuced cold!” “Have a drink?” “Who
+has a cigar?” “How about one rubber?”</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps the safest and most refined remark
+for constant use is: “Waiter, take the orders.”
+Even this may be dispensed with—if
+you make certain to ring the bell.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>It is not modish to speak kindly to the
+servants either in your own or in other people’s
+houses. In addressing them, simply say:<span class="pagenum" id="Page_28">[28]</span>
+“A napkin,” “The cigars,” “Where the
+devil are my boots?” Remember that they
+“get even” in the servants’ hall.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>It is customary, in alluding to ladies in the
+ultra-fashionable set (provided they are not
+present) to speak of them by their pet
+names: “Birdie,” “Baby,” “Tessie,”
+“Posy”; but, when face to face with these
+ladies, the utmost formality had best be observed.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In criticising a play or a novel be careful to
+avoid long and discriminating criticisms. You
+should either “knock” or “boost.” Try to
+remember that there are only two kinds of
+plays or novels—they are either “bully” or
+“rotten.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp50" id="illus2" style="max-width: 29.6875em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/illus2.jpg" alt="Conversation">
+</figure>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_29">[29]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>If a few people in the smart set are entertaining
+a stranger at lunch, it is <i>de rigueur</i>
+for them to converse with each other entirely
+in whispers and always on subjects with
+which he is absolutely unfamiliar.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In discussing literature at a lunch or dinner,
+try to remember that there are but a very
+few fashionable authors. They are as follows:
+Mrs. Wharton, Colonel Mann, Mrs.
+Glyn, Robert Hichens, F. Peter Dunne, John
+Fox, Jr., and Billy Baxter.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At a dinner a gentleman sitting beside a
+débutante should congratulate her upon her
+début, and, in a few well-chosen words,
+should discuss the usual débutante topics—i. e.,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_30">[30]</span>
+platonic love, banting, Ethel Barrymore,
+French dressmakers, John Drew, the relative
+merits of Harvard and Yale, love at first
+sight, the football match and the matter of
+her great personal beauty and charm.</p>
+
+<p>Try always to remember that the chief and
+most interesting topics of conversation are
+herself and yourself. <i>Serious</i> topics are very
+properly deemed out of place in society.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>After dinner, over the cigars, it is bad
+form for men to discuss any subjects but
+stocks and motor cars.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Whenever, at a dinner, an anecdote
+is narrated in French, it is always a wise precaution
+to laugh heartily.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_31">[31]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Women should not complain of their
+husbands in public. All married women have
+a great deal to contend with. Everybody
+knows that married men make very poor
+husbands.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At a dinner the safest conversational opening
+is as follows: “Is that your bread, or
+mine?”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When, at a dinner, you don’t know the
+lady next to you, show her your dinner card
+and say:</p>
+
+<p>“I’m that; what are you?”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Chivalry demands that a lady’s name
+should never be mentioned in a gentleman’s<span class="pagenum" id="Page_32">[32]</span>
+club. Occasionally, however, this hard-and-fast
+rule may be slightly infracted, and her
+intimate affairs discreetly talked over—provided
+that the group of gentlemen be a small
+one and absolute privacy assured.</p>
+
+<p>N. B.—A “small group” is any group of
+less than twelve.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_33">[33]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="DINNERS">DINNERS</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_34"></a>[34]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_35"></a>[35]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">DINNERS</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>A dinner is a miscellaneous collection of
+appropriately dressed men and women, who
+are not in the least hungry and who are invited
+by the host and hostess to repay certain
+social obligations for value received or
+expected. The attitude of the guests at such
+a repast is very often one of regret and revolt,
+because of the haunting memory of an
+invitation, much more enticing in its prospects,
+but, alas, more recently received.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>On arriving at a dinner a servant should
+hand each male guest an envelope containing
+a card. This card will bear the name of the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_36">[36]</span>
+lady whom he is to take in to dinner. This
+part of the ceremony is usually accompanied
+by groans and maledictions as the gentlemen
+tremblingly open their envelopes.</p>
+
+<p>Some hostesses allow their guests to file
+in to dinner in ignorance of their partners.
+They thus learn their fate at the dinner table,
+which postpones the terrible shock for as
+long a period as possible.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Nothing adds so much to an appearance
+of <i>savoir faire</i> as the art of gracefully
+removing from a dinner or evening party a
+gentleman who has imbibed, not wisely but
+too well. The correct method is to ask the
+butler to inform him that a lady wishes to
+speak to him on the telephone. When he
+has left the room, spring upon him in the
+hall and chivy him into a cab.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_37">[37]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Rouge sticks and powder puffs may be
+used by ladies at luncheons, but <i>never</i> at dinners.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>If a bachelor receives a dinner invitation
+from people who are not really “in the
+swim” (people, let us say, like old friends,
+classmates, and business associates, who are,
+so to speak, “on the green, but not dead to
+the hole”), he should simply toss it into the
+fire. This plan will prevent any more invitations
+from so undesirable a quarter. Were
+he to answer these people politely, they would
+certainly annoy him again at a later date.
+Remember that “the coward does it with a
+kiss, the brave man with a sword.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Do not address your best thoughts to the
+ladies until they have had an opportunity to<span class="pagenum" id="Page_38">[38]</span>
+brush the glove powder from their arms and
+to look carefully at the dresses and ornaments
+of the other ladies at the dinner.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At a very large dinner, the lady beside
+you is almost certain to be one who entertains
+generously and, as such, should be treated
+with a certain degree of politeness. Try to
+suppress, however, all sentiments purely
+human in their nature, such as pity, kindness
+of heart, sympathy, enthusiasm, love of
+books, music, and art.</p>
+
+<p>These ridiculous sentiments are in exceedingly
+bad taste and should be used but sparingly,
+if at all.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Ladies do not call upon a bachelor, in
+his rooms, after attending a dinner given by
+him—except in Mrs. Wharton’s novels.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_39">[39]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>On leaving a dinner you should always
+manage to come down the steps with a group
+of the super-rich—they may give you a lift
+home.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>On driving home with friends from a dinner,
+it is the generally accepted practice to
+abuse the host and draw particular attention
+to his ghastly collection of family portraits,
+his wretched plate, and execrable food. Do
+not fail also to draw a moving picture of the
+stupidity and hideousness of the lady next to
+you at dinner—unless she should be in the
+carriage with you at the time.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When you are over half an hour late
+at a dinner it is well to have an excuse. There
+are, just now, only two modish excuses:<span class="pagenum" id="Page_40">[40]</span>
+First, you were arrested for speeding your
+motor; second, you were playing bridge, and
+every hand seemed to be a spade or a club.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When a gentleman at a dinner upsets a
+plate of terrapin, a ruddy duck, or a bowl of
+vegetable salad upon the dress of the lady
+beside him, she should laugh merrily and
+should always be provided with some apt jest
+with which to carry off the little <i>contretemps</i>.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Fletcherites have lately added a
+new horror to dining out. These strange
+creatures seldom repay attention. The best
+that can be expected from them is the tense
+and awful silence which always accompanies
+their excruciating tortures of mastication.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_41">[41]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>There are two <i>recherché</i> methods for a
+bachelor to refuse a verbal dinner invitation.
+The first is to say that you are dining with a
+business associate. The second is to say that
+your engagement book is at home and that
+you will consult it immediately upon reaching
+there and will telephone. This gives you the
+desired opportunity of saying “No.” It is
+always easier over the wire than face to face.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In wriggling out of a dinner at the last
+moment in New York, it is <i>chic</i> to invent
+some mythical female relative in Philadelphia
+who has developed a sudden and alarming
+illness and has hastily summoned you to her
+bedside.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>If, at a dinner, food is passed to you which
+you do not care to eat, it is good form to<span class="pagenum" id="Page_42">[42]</span>
+take a generous heap of it, to pat it and mess
+it up on your plate with a fork.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>After dinner, if a lady has been asked to
+sing and refused, do not urge her further.
+It is the height of bad manners, and there is
+just the off chance that she may yield.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In England the matter of precedence at
+dinners is simplicity itself. The Sovereign
+precedes an ambassador, who precedes the
+Archbishop of Canterbury, who precedes the
+Earl Marshal, who precedes a duke, who
+precedes an earl, a marquis, a viscount, a
+bishop, a baron, etc.; but in America the
+matter is a much more perplexing one.</p>
+
+<p>The author of this <i>brochure</i> respectfully
+suggests the following scheme of American<span class="pagenum" id="Page_43">[43]</span>
+dinner precedence: Let an opera box count 6
+points; steam yacht, 5; town house, 5; country
+house, 4; motors, 3 each; every million
+dollars, 2; tiara, 1; good wine cellar, 1; ballroom
+in town house, 1; a known grandparent
+of either sex, ½; culture, ⅛. By this system,
+a woman of culture with four known grandparents
+and a million dollars will have a total
+of 4⅛. She will, of course, be forced to
+follow in the wake of a lady with a town
+house and a tiara (6); who, in turn, will trail
+after a woman with a steam yacht and two
+motors (11). The highest known total is
+about 100; the lowest, about ⅛. The housekeeper
+may arrange the totals, and the hostess
+can then send the guests in according to their
+listed quotations.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>People who arrive late at a large dinner
+sometimes have very quaint and amusing excuses.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_44">[44]</span>
+A hostess at a recent eight-o’clock banquet
+collected the following gems:</p>
+
+<p>I overslept in my bath.</p>
+
+<p>A cinder lodged in my eye and I have just
+come from the chemist’s.</p>
+
+<p>My maid is ill and I was forced to hook
+myself.</p>
+
+<p>The twins put crumbs in my stockings.</p>
+
+<p>I read your invitation upside down and,
+naturally, mistook the hour of dinner.</p>
+
+<p>I never eat soup, and thought, of course,
+you wouldn’t wait.</p>
+
+<p>I knew Mrs. V—t would be <i>much</i> later
+than I—so I took a chance.</p>
+
+<p>I was taking my memory lesson, and it
+was all so absorbing that I completely forgot
+the dinner.</p>
+
+<p>I lost your note, and, as <i>everybody</i> dines
+at 8.30, I thought, of course, that <i>you</i> would.</p>
+
+<p>My chauffeur was so drunk that he took
+me next door by mistake, and delayed me
+fearfully.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_45">[45]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Every year it is becoming more and more
+difficult for hostesses to secure a sufficient
+number of blades for their dinners and evening
+routs. “Odd men” are always in tremendous
+demand.</p>
+
+<p>The custom of shouting names, which is
+imperfectly followed at the hotels, should be
+perfected in our clubs, and we hope soon to
+see the club waiters wandering about the
+halls and lounging rooms shouting out, as
+they go: “Mrs. Vanderlip, four odd men
+for dinner.” “Mrs. Miles, two bachelors
+for the opera.” “Mrs. Nestor, one married
+couple for bridge,” etc.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When a lady beside you is so generously
+avoirdupoised or embonpointed that it is a
+physical impossibility for her to see the food
+upon her plate, it is sometimes an act of kindness
+to inform her as to the nature of the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_46">[46]</span>
+bird or beast so hopelessly removed from her
+vision. This saves her the trouble of lifting
+it above the horizon in order to discover its
+exact species.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A clever hostess in New York has recently
+trained a highly intelligent dachshund
+to fly about after dinner, under the banquet
+table, and fetch out the long white gloves,
+make-up boxes, scarves, and lace handkerchiefs.
+Most hostesses, however, prefer to
+put their guests on the scent and let them
+retrieve the hidden treasures.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A frantic hostess recently telephoned
+us for advice on a nice point of social etiquette.
+She had arranged a dinner of twelve,
+and was confronted and confounded, at the
+last moment, by an “odd” bachelor whom<span class="pagenum" id="Page_47">[47]</span>
+she had originally invited and subsequently
+forgotten. She could not sit down thirteen at
+the table.</p>
+
+<p>“What shall I do?” she asked.</p>
+
+<p>We were glad to be able to come to the
+distressed lady’s assistance and telephoned
+her as follows:</p>
+
+<p>“You should hand him a neatly folded
+dollar bill and ask him to slip out quietly and
+buy himself a good dinner at a corner restaurant.
+Your butler may also give him a cigar
+as he passes into the night.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>If you are giving a supper after the play,
+it is <i>de rigueur</i> to order grape fruit, hot bouillon,
+champagne, birds, a salad, and a sweet.
+The sated guests will not touch any of the
+food, but it is <i>comme il faut</i> to put it all before
+them.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_48">[48]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Banting has almost done away with the
+ancient custom of eating, but thyroid tablets
+and lemon juice are, of course, permitted. At
+a ladies’ lunch the guests (whether ladies,
+millionairesses, or workingwomen) should be
+careful disdainfully to dismiss the dainty
+dishes until the repast is over, when they
+should look benignly at the hostess and
+murmur:</p>
+
+<p>“Dear Mrs. Brown—<i>might</i> I have a cup
+of very hot water?”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When a lady must pay back forty dinner
+obligations and her dining room will
+seat only twenty, it is obvious that she must
+have two dinners of twenty each. She should
+give the feasts on successive evenings, as the
+left-over flowers, bonbons, fruits, and <i>pâtés</i>
+will always do service at the second repast.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_49">[49]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A lady should be careful not to turn to
+the gentleman beside her and complain of the
+“fizz.” There is always a good chance that
+he is the wine agent.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When, in New York, a married couple
+do not pull along together, and have definitely
+decided to divorce or separate, it is
+customary for them once or twice to dine,
+<i>tête-à-tête</i>, at Sherry’s: to flirt, laugh, and
+make merry with each other—in order to put
+the eager hounds off the scent.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At dinners in the <i>beau monde</i> the footmen
+will invariably pounce upon your plate
+and run off with it before you have half finished
+the course. Be careful not to hold on
+to it like a despairing mother whose child is<span class="pagenum" id="Page_50">[50]</span>
+being torn from her arms, as such scenes at
+table are always deplorable and harassing.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In purchasing almond bonbons for the dinner
+table the hostess should make sure to
+select the mauve species. No one ever eats
+them. A dishful of the white variety will
+sometimes vanish in a night, but the mauve
+go on forever.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_51">[51]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="DANCES">DANCES</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_52"></a>[52]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_53"></a>[53]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">DANCES</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>In New York the word “ball” is intended
+to signify a hundred or so people who do not
+care particularly for dancing, who are prostrated
+by the prospect of arising early on the
+following morning, and who leave their cotillion
+favors untouched and disregarded
+upon the gilt chairs in the ballroom.</p>
+
+<p>The chief characteristics of a ball may be
+summed up, briefly, as follows: Mothers, or
+“benchwomen,” wildly eying their offspring;
+the “leader,” battered and bruised like a
+half-back in a football game; the hostess, with
+her tiara aslant on her new false curls; fifty
+wilted linen collars; fifty ditto shirts; four
+red-faced gentlemen asleep in the smoking
+room; the host leaping from train to train
+with the agility of a brakeman; two hundred<span class="pagenum" id="Page_54">[54]</span>
+yards of chiffon ruffles and one pound of assorted
+hairpins decorating the floor of the
+ballroom; a deep crowd of so-called dancing
+men who effectually block the entrance door
+and stand in a dazed and awkward group,
+spellbound by the horrors of the scene.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>The valuable checks for cotillion seats are
+usually cornered by the cotillion leader and
+dealt out to the most prominent tiaras. The
+unhappy ladies who fail to receive one of
+these priceless tokens usually pass the remainder
+of the evening in the ultimate row
+of chairs wearing a granite smile and a paper
+cotillion favor.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A wall flower is a young lady at a dance
+who has not been cursed with the fatal gift.<span class="pagenum" id="Page_55">[55]</span>
+She may usually be distinguished by her wild
+and beseeching glances. Chloroform is the
+only possible way of securing a partner for
+her.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Before putting your arm around a lady’s
+waist, you should explain to her that it is
+your intention to dance. As the music starts,
+look at her longingly and murmur one of the
+following remarks: “Do you Boston?”
+“Rotten floor” (or) “Bully floor.” “Bully
+favors” (or) “Rotten favors.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Every now and then a “stand-up” supper
+is served at a dance. This is the abomination
+of desolation spoken of by the prophet Daniel.
+Should a lady ask you at such an entertainment
+to get her some supper, push your<span class="pagenum" id="Page_56">[56]</span>
+way through the mob of angry bachelors to
+the trough where the comestibles are displayed.
+Once arrived on the scene of carnage,
+you can consume a cup of bouillon,
+a few oysters, some sandwiches, a little chicken,
+some dry champagne, a plate of salad,
+an ice, and a cup of coffee. After this, if
+your hunger has been satisfied, take a morsel
+of <i>galantine</i>, a doily, and a lady-finger, place
+them on a plate and force yourself through
+the compact lines of angry, feeding, perspiring
+“dancing men,” until you appear before
+your fair partner, declaring that you did your
+best, and that the rest of the provisions had
+disappeared. While she is thanking you,
+slip away to the smoking room and send the
+man in attendance there for a bottle of some
+very, very old champagne. While he is gone
+you may busy yourself by selecting a few of
+the best cigars, so as to be sure to have something
+to smoke on the way home—in somebody’s
+cab.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_57">[57]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In giving a dance, avoid, <i>if possible</i>, sending
+invitations to bores—they come without
+them.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At a dance, when a lady is talking to a
+millionaire recently arrived from the West,
+he may offer to introduce his wife. (This is
+part of what, in sporting circles, is known as
+the “push stroke.”) In such a fix it is permissible
+for her to burst into a loud fit of
+coughing, mention her weak heart, and ask a
+footman to call her carriage.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When a bachelor arrives at a dance, he
+should at once repair to the smoking room
+and remain there most of the evening—calling
+loudly for all those wines which his host
+has neglected to provide.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_58">[58]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A new and unspeakable horror has lately
+been introduced into fashionable dances in
+New York—namely, the “third supper.”
+The writer is glad to say that the inventor of
+this atrocity died very slowly and in great
+pain about a year ago. It is a comfort to
+know that his last resting place is unadorned
+by any monument, and that no flowers or
+shrubs have ever bloomed upon his grave.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A popular form of entertainment for
+grown-up persons in New York is a “baby
+party.” Here the guests are dressed like
+babies: they dance and have supper, and are
+permitted to behave like little children.
+These revels do not differ from other forms
+of social festivities in the metropolis—except
+as regards the costumes.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_59">[59]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Dancing men should have a care, at a
+ball, never to be “stuck.” This catastrophe
+is usually brought about by listening to the
+wiles of a man who begins with some such
+remark as “Do you know Miss A——? She
+is crazy to meet you!” or “For Heaven’s
+sake, dear boy, <i>do</i> go and talk to that unfortunate
+girl in yellow.”</p>
+
+<p>Many an agonized hour may be avoided
+by turning a deaf ear to all such entreaties.
+If you don’t, the horror of your ultimate predicament
+can hardly be exaggerated. You
+will sit with her for hours in isolated agony.
+Slowly your hair will turn as white as the
+driven snow. Interminable cycles of time will
+tick themselves away, while you sit there
+slyly beckoning to other gentlemen who are
+certain to pay no heed to your signals.</p>
+
+<p>A case is on record, in England, where a
+gentleman, in such a position, addressed no
+remark to his partner for upward of three<span class="pagenum" id="Page_60">[60]</span>
+hours. At this point she became aweary,
+turned, and found that he was—dead!</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A very neat trick can sometimes be
+worked at a dance. You have steadily
+avoided a particularly dreadful damsel
+throughout the entire evening. When she
+has put on her cloak and fur overshoes, and
+you see her hurrying through the hall with
+her maid, on her way to her carriage, jump
+out of the smoking room and say:</p>
+
+<p>“What? Home so early! Can’t you stay
+and have <i>just</i> one with me?”</p>
+
+<p>Be careful, of course, not to be too urgent,
+else she may stay, thus hoisting you on your
+own petard.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In dancing, unless you are an accomplished
+waltzer, the safest advice to follow is:
+“Avoid the corners and keep kicking.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp50" id="illus3" style="max-width: 29.6875em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/illus3.jpg" alt="Hostess">
+</figure>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_61">[61]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At a large ball, the hostess, when tired,
+may, with perfect safety, go to her sleeping
+apartment and retire for an hour or two.
+No one will ever miss her. When rested
+she can reappear in the ballroom and, with
+her second wind, as it were, enjoy the third
+supper, or the first breakfast.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In saying good night to the hostess, have
+a care to bestow your avowals of obligation
+in nearly the same degree of warmth or formality
+that her bearing invites. If, for instance,
+she be asleep in the conservatory, all
+among the begonias, it is not necessary to
+shake her or rouse her by shouting: “Hi!
+Wake up, I want to go home,” etc. Simply
+pass out noiselessly and remind her butler
+to call her in time for breakfast. (See the
+illustration, “Hostess.”)</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_62"></a>[62]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_63"></a>[63]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="BRIDGE">BRIDGE</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_64"></a>[64]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_65"></a>[65]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">BRIDGE</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>This is a popular pastime, and much of
+the attention of our best minds in high society
+is concentrated upon guessing whether a
+given card is in the hand of the person on
+the right or on the left.</p>
+
+<p>As there is a great curiosity among all
+classes of readers concerning bridge, the
+benevolent author has gone into the etiquette
+of the game with a good deal of thoroughness.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In order to be an accomplished bridge
+player one must possess the following attributes:</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_66">[66]</span></p>
+
+<p>A dress suit. (This does not apply to
+ladies.)</p>
+
+<p>A large roll of clean bills with a rubber
+band encircling them.</p>
+
+<p>A cigarette and ash tray.</p>
+
+<p>A stoical, blond and unimpassioned nature.</p>
+
+<p>A partner—usually of the opposite sex.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>You may, with safety, criticise nearly
+every play your fair partner makes. She
+doubtless deserves it, but, as a rule, this
+criticism should not extend beyond her faults
+<i>as a player</i>. Try to remember that a gentleman
+is one who never unintentionally insults
+anybody.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Bridge should never be played seriously.
+One should carry on an animated conversation
+during the course of play. It is customary,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_67">[67]</span>
+too, to hold the cards in one hand and
+a hot buttered muffin in the other. Get up
+from the table rather frequently and telephone,
+receive visitors, give orders to the
+servants, and pour tea. The questions,
+“Who led?” “What are trumps?” “Is
+that our trick?” etc., are always permissible,
+and lend some spirit to what might otherwise
+prove a dull and taxing game.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In playing bridge with two ladies, a man
+should be careful to play “highest man and
+highest woman.” In this way he will be playing
+against a man, and his chances of a “settlement”
+will be a little less remote. Never
+play with three ladies.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When you are dummy and your partner
+has finished playing the hand, you should invariably<span class="pagenum" id="Page_68">[68]</span>
+glare at her (or him) and make one
+of the following remarks:</p>
+
+<p>You played it the only way to lose the odd!</p>
+
+<p>Why, in Heaven’s name, didn’t you get
+out the trumps?</p>
+
+<p>You must lose a pot of money at this game,
+don’t you?</p>
+
+<p>It’s lucky I’m not playing ten-cent points.</p>
+
+<p>Why not take your finesse the other way?</p>
+
+<p>The eight of clubs was good, you know!</p>
+
+<p>Yes, if you had played your ace of diamonds
+we would have saved it.</p>
+
+<p>It’s a pity you didn’t open the hearts.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>As the leaders of the Smart Set have ceased
+occupying their brains with literature, music,
+politics, and art—subjects which were, a long
+time ago, discussed in our best society—and
+as their entire mental activities are now
+focused upon the game of bridge, the author<span class="pagenum" id="Page_69">[69]</span>
+has added for the further benefit of his readers
+a series of anecdotes, maxims, and experiences
+which he has gathered during his
+fruitless attempts to master this fashionable
+pastime.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>There was a lady in the <i>beau monde</i>
+of New York who was not only a charming
+woman but an accomplished whist player.
+Unfortunately, however, she simply <i>could</i> not
+play fair. Among other idiosyncrasies she
+had a distressing habit of slipping a high
+card on the bottom of the pack, after the cut—this
+was in the days when she played old-fashioned
+whist. In this way she was always
+certain of the ace, king, or queen of trumps
+when it was her turn to deal. She was detected
+in this graceful little artifice on one or
+two occasions, with the result that her reputation
+suffered a slight dimming in its glory.</p>
+
+<p>A few months ago the poor lady died and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_70">[70]</span>
+a well-known bridge wag in New York composed
+for her the following epitaph:</p>
+
+<p class="center">“Here lies Lily Maltravers,<br>
+In confident expectation of<br>
+The last trump.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A delightful bridge player is Mrs.
+R. U. Rich, who, though stone deaf, still
+manages to understand the declarations, or
+makes, by an elaborate series of manual signs.
+In playing with her, if the make is a heart,
+you must point to your heart; diamonds, to
+your ring; spades, you must make a shovel of
+your hand, and, when clubs have been declared,
+you must shake your fist at her. The
+other evening at a fashionable house in New
+York she was playing a rubber in which her
+husband was her partner. It was after a large
+dinner and, Mrs. Rich, having mistaken her<span class="pagenum" id="Page_71">[71]</span>
+husband’s signal, excitedly asked him what
+trump had been declared. At this, her better
+half shook his fist at her two or three times
+in a very convincing way. An elderly lady,
+on the other side of the room, unaware of
+Mrs. Rich’s infirmity, gathered her dress
+about her and, with great dignity, begged the
+host to send for her carriage.</p>
+
+<p>“Why, Mrs. ——,” he said, “are you
+leaving us so early?”</p>
+
+<p>“Well,” said the lady of the old school,
+“I think that when a husband and wife come
+to blows over the bridge table it is time to
+call the carriages.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A reduced gentlewoman, living in a
+small way in the suburbs, was at an employment
+agency trying to secure a cook. As the
+lady and her husband lived some distance
+from any neighbor, and as the wages she<span class="pagenum" id="Page_72">[72]</span>
+could afford to pay were meager, the cooks
+displayed a decided unwillingness to assume
+the cares of office.</p>
+
+<p>Finally, to the great elation of the lady,
+a very respectable and well-mannered English
+girl seemed disposed to risk the rigors
+of suburban life. The searching questions
+which the girl had put to the lady had been
+satisfactorily answered, when, at the very
+last, she asked the number in the family, to
+which the lady replied that there were only
+two—herself and her husband.</p>
+
+<p>“Oh!” said the girl, “I could not <i>think</i>
+of going into service with only three in the
+house. I would not work <i>anywhere</i> unless
+we could make up a four at bridge.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Husbands and wives should never play
+partners at bridge. They are almost certain
+to quarrel, which is unseemly—and if they<span class="pagenum" id="Page_73">[73]</span>
+<i>don’t</i> quarrel, their friends are sure to suspect
+them of collusion and cheating.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>It is a mistake for parents to play bridge
+on Sunday. The morals of children should
+ever be sacred in a parent’s eye. Never,
+therefore, allow a card to be touched on the
+Sabbath—until the children have gone to bed.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>An inveterate bridge fiend recently proposed
+to a lady of some means. She, doubting
+his entire sincerity, mentioned his too
+great devotion to bridge. With a fine show
+of enthusiasm and erudition he burst out
+with:</p>
+
+<div class="poetry-container">
+<div class="poetry">
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent0">“I could not love thee, dear, so much,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Loved I not honors more.”</div>
+  </div>
+</div>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_74">[74]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>There is always a great deal of discussion
+among good bridge players as to the propriety
+of an original club make—with no
+score. As a matter of fact, a big club hand
+is usually disastrous whether you make it or
+pass it. You either leave it and get spades,
+or else you <i>don’t</i> leave it and get the devil.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>There is a lady in New York society who
+is as devoted to bridge as one could well be.
+She makes everything, except her two children,
+subservient to the game. She attends
+bridge classes, bridge teas, and bridge tournaments
+without end. She is, unfortunately,
+married to a wealthy but worthless and rascally
+young clubman who treats her usually
+with indifference, but sometimes with cruelty.</p>
+
+<p>Her friends all advised her to sue for a
+divorce.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_75">[75]</span></p>
+
+<p>The poor woman was in some doubt as
+to what course to pursue. Finally, a brilliant
+idea occurred to her. She would consult her
+bridge teacher! He was the one man in all
+the world whose judgment seemed to her
+infallible. She trusted him more than she
+did her lawyer or her minister. He had
+solved so many difficult problems for her
+that he might solve this.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Elstreet was accordingly written to by
+the unhappy lady. His answer ran as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquote">
+
+<p class="noindent"><span class="smcap">My dear Mrs.</span> ——:</p>
+
+<p>I have very carefully thought over
+the little problem which you were good
+enough to submit to me for solution.
+It seems to me that when you have a
+knave alone, it is often a wise plan to
+discard him, but holding, as you do, a
+knave and two little ones, it would seem
+the better part of discretion not to discard
+him.</p>
+
+<p>I am, my dear Mrs. ——, yours, etc.</p>
+
+</div>
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_76">[76]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A well-known widow in London
+was a guest at a large house party. She was
+an enthusiastic bridger. She took the game
+very seriously—so seriously that she frequently
+dreamed about it, and even, her maid
+declared, talked about it in her sleep.</p>
+
+<p>Everybody had been playing fairly late
+and the ladies had gone to their rooms and
+“turned in” at about twelve o’clock. The
+men had played until about two. Shortly
+after this, the housekeeper, in making her
+final round of the house, was startled to
+hear the widow’s voice addressing somebody
+in an agonized and supplicating way.</p>
+
+<p>As the door of the widow’s room was ajar,
+the housekeeper paused in some alarm, only
+to hear her call out: “My diamonds, my
+diamonds, why didn’t I protect them? I am
+lost, absolutely lost!”</p>
+
+<p>The housekeeper, not knowing the intricacies
+of bridge and thoroughly alarmed by the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_77">[77]</span>
+idea of a burglar in the widow’s room, rushed
+to the host’s door and hastily summoned him
+to the rescue. After a somewhat noisy consultation
+between them, as a result of which
+some of the disrobing bachelors were attracted
+to the scene of conflict, a united descent
+was made upon the unfortunate widow’s
+stronghold. The net result of the <i>sortie</i> was
+that the widow was greatly annoyed, the host
+was unmercifully chaffed, and the housekeeper
+received her first lesson in bridge.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp50" id="illus4" style="max-width: 29.6875em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/illus4.jpg" alt="Bridge">
+</figure>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>“It was,” said the Knickerbocker bridge
+fiend, “at the Hotel Splendide-Royale in
+Aix-les-Bains. I was playing twenty-cent
+points, which is just double my usual limit.
+I had lost six consecutive rubbers. I had cut,
+each rubber, against a peculiarly malevolent-looking
+Spaniard, who had a reputation at<span class="pagenum" id="Page_78">[78]</span>
+cards which was none too savory. There had
+been trouble about him only the day before
+at the Casino des Fleurs, where he had been
+mixed up in a somewhat unpleasant baccarat
+scandal. He was a crafty and sullen bridge
+player and I had conceived a most cordial
+dislike to him.</p>
+
+<p>“Finally—it was hideously late and the
+card-room waiter was snoring in the service
+closet—my time for revenge arrived. It was
+my deal, and I saw at a glance that I had
+dealt myself an enormous hand. I could
+hardly believe my eyes. I held nine spades
+with the four top honors, the bare ace of
+clubs, the bare ace of hearts, and the king
+and queen of diamonds. Here was a certainty
+of eleven tricks at no trumps and very
+possibly twelve or thirteen. I looked at the
+Spaniard, whose turn it was to lead, and I
+smiled exultantly.</p>
+
+<p>“‘No trumps,’ I said, the note of triumph
+quite perceptible in my voice. Quick as a<span class="pagenum" id="Page_79">[79]</span>
+flash the Spaniard had doubled—and quick as
+another I had redoubled.</p>
+
+<p>“When, however, he had jacked it up to
+96 a trick, I hesitated, but of course went at
+him again with 192. ‘Ah, ha!,’ I said to
+myself, ‘Mr. bird of ill omen, you are my
+prey, my chosen victim for the sacrifice.’</p>
+
+<p>“The price per trick had soon sailed up
+to 1,536, and I ventured to look at my partner.
+He was chalky white about the gills
+and his eyes seemed to stare idiotically into
+space. His expression prompted me to take
+pity on him and say ‘enough.’</p>
+
+<p>“Suddenly I had a terrible feeling of
+alarm. Had I mistaken the queen of diamonds
+for the queen of hearts? If so, my
+king of diamonds was bare and the mysterious
+Spaniard might run off twelve diamond tricks
+before I could say ‘Jack Robinson.’ With a
+sinking heart I looked at my hand again—all
+was well! The queen was surely a diamond.
+I glanced at the olive-skinned gentleman<span class="pagenum" id="Page_80">[80]</span>
+and begged him to lead a card. I felt
+a great joy welling up within me.</p>
+
+<p>“At this moment the Spaniard led a card
+and I looked at it nervously. As soon as my
+eyes beheld it my heart seemed to stop beating.
+He had opened the ace of a strange
+green suit, a suit which I had never seen before,
+a suit all covered with mysterious figures
+and symbols. I felt strangely giddy but
+discarded a low spade. I looked at my partner,
+who was the picture of despair. He
+said, mechanically and as though life had
+lost all beauty for him, ‘Having no hyppogryphs?’
+to which icy inquiry I answered in
+a strange whisper, ‘No gryppolyphs.’</p>
+
+<p>“The leader followed with another green
+card, a king this time, and again I sacrificed
+another beautiful spade. The Spaniard
+smiled a mahogany smile and proceeded to
+run off his entire suit of thirteen green cards.
+He then nonchalantly scored up a grand slam,
+the game, and a rubber of 10,450 points or<span class="pagenum" id="Page_81">[81]</span>
+$2,090. I felt my brain reeling and fainted
+away with my head on the card table. Very
+soon, however, I thought I felt the Spaniard
+tugging at my coat sleeve. My anger at this
+was beyond all bounds. I opened my eyes,
+prepared to strike the crafty foreigner in his
+wicked face, and saw—my servant standing
+by my bed with my breakfast tray in his
+hands and my bathrobe on his arm.”</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_82"></a>[82]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_83"></a>[83]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_THEATER">THE THEATER</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_84"></a>[84]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_85"></a>[85]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">THE THEATER</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>At the theater it is smart to “roast the
+show.” Do not be afraid of wounding the
+feelings of your host and hostess. It is an
+even chance that they are more bored than
+you. If the actors seem to object to your
+conversation or show annoyance or impatience,
+try to remember that they are not, as
+a rule, well bred, and are ignorant of all the
+graceful little social conventions.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>On leaving the opera with ladies, do not
+go into the draughty side corridors with
+them, or you will surely be forced to look out
+for their carriage, a tedious and bothersome<span class="pagenum" id="Page_86">[86]</span>
+occupation. The wisest thing to do is to say
+that you have an appointment, and merge
+yourself with the rabble who are leaving by
+the front door, allowing the ladies to remain
+in the side corridors, where their footmen
+will sooner or later discover them.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Never give a theater party in stalls.
+Boxes are obligatory. In seats, the men cannot
+go out for refreshment, and the ladies
+are forced to remove their hats, a tragedy
+usually accompanied by the most distressing
+and ignominious disclosures.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Ladies who have opera boxes given
+them at the last moment should “get on the
+job” at once and offer it to such of their
+friends as they know to be either out of town<span class="pagenum" id="Page_87">[87]</span>
+or engaged for that evening. A box has been
+known, under such circumstances, to pay off
+a dozen obligations in a single day.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In New York a theater party is often a
+very boring and tedious form of revelry. It
+is always wise to send a “feeler” before accepting
+a lady’s invitation to dine and go to
+the play. The following is a safe model for
+such a missive:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquote">
+
+<p class="noindent"><span class="smcap">My dear Mrs. Vandergraft</span>:</p>
+
+<p>How awfully good of you to ask me
+for Friday. I presume we are dining at
+your house and not at a stuffy restaurant.
+May I be very frank and ask you what
+play you are planning to see? Might I
+also inquire if you are going in boxes or
+seats, and if you expect me for supper
+afterwards?</p>
+
+<p>On hearing from you, I hope to be<span class="pagenum" id="Page_88">[88]</span>
+able to arrange the matter to your entire
+satisfaction.</p>
+
+<p>My servant will wait for your reply.</p>
+
+<p class="center">Sincerely yours,</p>
+
+<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Reginald Goold</span>.</p>
+
+<p>P. S.—How many are coming, and
+who are they? Are they the noisy sort?</p>
+
+<p>P. S. No. 2.—What ladies are to sit
+beside me at dinner?</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_89">[89]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="CALLING">CALLING</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_90"></a>[90]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_91"></a>[91]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">CALLING</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>Bachelors no longer leave or “push”
+cards. It is considered provincial. After
+dining at a house, a man may think it policy
+to give the butler two dollars and his card.
+In return the butler will, during the next afternoon,
+discreetly slip the card upon the tray
+in the hall while the lady of the house is driving
+in the park.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>If you are literally forced to pay a call,
+merely ask the butler if the ladies are at home.
+Should he say “No,” hand him your cards,
+and your work is over. Should he say “Yes,”
+pretend to him that you have mistaken the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_92">[92]</span>
+house, and that you were looking for the residence
+of another lady. Slip him a dollar and
+retire noiselessly down the steps.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>It is often well, before starting out on a
+calling expedition, to have one’s servant telephone
+to a dozen or so mansions to discover
+which of the ladies are out. You can then
+leave cards in these particular houses with
+comparative safety.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_93">[93]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="OUR_COUNTRY_COUSINS">OUR COUNTRY COUSINS</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_94"></a>[94]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_95"></a>[95]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">OUR COUNTRY COUSINS</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>Green peas are eaten with the aid of a
+fork. The hair-raising spectacle of a gentleman
+flicking peas into his mouth with a steel
+knife is no longer fashionable, however dexterously
+the feat may be performed.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Plums should be eaten one by one and
+the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the
+half-closed hand.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At dinners, wisdom dictates that it is wiser
+to leave the terrapin, hard crabs, asparagus,
+and oranges untasted (unless accustomed to
+them from birth). Be content to poke and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_96">[96]</span>
+pat these dishes with a fork, but make no
+effort to consume them.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>The following expressions are no longer
+in vogue in society: “Pardon my glove,”
+“Pray be seated,” “Pleased to meet you,”
+“Remember me to the folks,” “Pray rest
+your cane,” “Make yourself at home,”
+“What name, please?” “Are you the
+party?” “Say, listen,” “My gentleman
+friend,” “Usen’t you?” etc.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Do not address your wife as “mother.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Olives are eaten with the thumb and
+forefinger of the right hand. It is not necessary<span class="pagenum" id="Page_97">[97]</span>
+to peel them, and the pits should usually
+be rejected.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Do not, when your mouth is filled with
+sweet potatoes, red bananas, pressed saddle of
+lamb, or other solid provisions, attempt to
+discuss the topics of the day with the ladies
+at the feast.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In using a finger bowl, simply dip the index
+finger into the fluid and pass it lightly over
+the lips.</p>
+
+<p>Make no effort to consume the floating
+lemon, and try to restrain yourself from
+splashing about in the bath, like a playful
+walrus or a performing seal.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When a rich Westerner arrives in New
+York and begins breaking into society, it<span class="pagenum" id="Page_98">[98]</span>
+should be a pleasure for everybody to show
+him little courtesies and attentions. New
+York gentlemen usually do this by borrowing
+money from him, marrying his daughters,
+riding his polo ponies (or selling him theirs),
+drinking his wine, cruising about on his yacht,
+smoking his cigars, and selling him blocks of
+their worthless stocks.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>The last morsel of green turtle in a soup
+plate is always a heart-breaking thing at best.
+Remember that, though enticing, it is elusive.
+Do not chivy it about in frantic circles or
+pursue it untiringly around your plate until
+you have captured and subdued it. Turtle
+soup and Indian pig-sticking are not governed
+by the same rules.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When you sit down at table, it is not
+necessary to whisk the napkin gayly about before<span class="pagenum" id="Page_99">[99]</span>
+unfolding it. The concealed roll is certain
+to fly a considerable distance before
+alighting, and may even crack the enameling
+on one of the great ladies at the banquet.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Millionaires of the Chester A.
+Arthur or Rutherford B. Hayes vintage
+should pass rapidly through their ancient
+mansions and demolish the following objects
+of art and <i>vertu</i>:</p>
+
+<p>The twin conch shells, for fireside use;
+the embroidered wall mottoes; imitation
+wax flowers—under glass; ebony and gold
+whatnots; velvet antimacassars; all crayon
+portraits—whether pendant or on gold easels;
+party-colored crazy quilts; all magenta picture
+sashes; plush photograph albums; red
+worm lamp-mats; turkish cozy corners, with
+hanging red lamps, imitation spears, and
+rusty armor; black hair sofas; hanging tennis<span class="pagenum" id="Page_100">[100]</span>
+racquets ornamented with red bows; folding
+beds; cuckoo clocks and paper weights
+containing miniature paper snowstorms.</p>
+
+<p>After destroying these knickknacks, they
+should pass out on the steps and adjacent
+lawn spaces and demolish the iron dogs, copper
+fauns, and the bed of snowdrops spelling
+out the mansion’s fantastic name—“Slopeoak,”
+“Munnysunk,” “Sewerside,” or any
+name in which the following popular “B”
+forms are included: Brae, Blythe, By-the,
+Buena, Bel, Bonnie, Beau, Bourne.</p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_101">[101]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="NEWPORT">NEWPORT</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_102"></a>[102]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_103"></a>[103]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">NEWPORT</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>The correct treatment of a foreigner in
+Newport is to gush over him, praise him to
+your friends, and invite him to your entertainments.
+This course may be pursued for
+one week. After that, treat him with great
+reserve and coolness for the same period of
+time. At the beginning of the third week
+you should abuse him roundly, and take pains
+to recite the hidden and secret passages of his
+past. Advice for the fourth week is unnecessary:
+they never last more than three.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Sea bathing at Newport is often injurious
+to the health, as in the case of those ladies<span class="pagenum" id="Page_104">[104]</span>
+whose figures are a trifle too meagre—or too
+ample. To such sirens the doctor is sure to
+forbid it. Where, however, the outlines are
+visually “grateful and comforting,” the exercise
+is certain to prove beneficial and bracing.
+In all Newport there are about a dozen
+ladies whose physicians have no such prejudices
+against open air, salt water bathing.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Dakota divorces are still a good deal
+frowned upon in the <i>beau monde</i>. Try to
+remember that only Rhode Island divorces
+are <i>comme il faut</i>. (The Newport variety
+is far smarter than the Providence or Bristol
+brand.) Dakota divorces are a trifle cheaper
+and more expeditious, but it should be borne
+in mind that the climate of Sioux Falls is
+very variable and that the hotels and theaters
+are, to say the least, indifferent.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_105">[105]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Millionaires from the West whose
+wives are bent upon breaking into society at
+any cost, should not try Newport until the
+simpler safes have been cracked. Newport is
+the water jump of the social steeplechase, and
+should not be taken until the easier gates have
+been successfully negotiated. The safest
+graded order of jumps is as follows:</p>
+
+<table>
+  <tr>
+    <td>1.</td>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Palm Beach.</span></td>
+    <td>Not exclusive, but merry, sumptuous, and
+    expensive. Chance to meet many smart men
+    in the gambling rooms.</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td>2.</td>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Hot Springs, Va.</span></td>
+    <td>Depressing, but many “classy” invalids.</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td>3.</td>
+    <td class="nw"><span class="smcap">Narragansett Pier.</span></td>
+    <td>Geographically speaking, this is nearly Newport,
+    <span class="pagenum" id="Page_106">[106]</span>
+    but the social tone, though “nobby,” can
+    hardly be called A1.</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td>4.</td>
+    <td><span class="smcap">The Berkshires.</span></td>
+    <td>Dull and dowdy, but full of genteel old families
+    in reduced circumstances who are willing to
+    unbend—if properly propitiated.</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td>5.</td>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Tuxedo.</span></td>
+    <td>Excellent opportunities here, particularly in
+    the Tuxedo jiggers and at the club on rainy
+    days, when a fourth is needed at bridge.</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td>6.</td>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Long Island.</span></td>
+    <td>This is the Tattenham Corner of
+    <span class="pagenum" id="Page_107">[107]</span>
+    the social Derby—(many bad falls here—due to riding too
+    hard)—the last great turn before the finish.
+    (Try Hempstead, Westbury, and Roslyn—in order.)</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+    <td>7.</td>
+    <td><span class="smcap">Newport.</span></td>
+    <td>Having finally reached Newport, be very careful
+    about the pace. Begin cautiously with Bellevue
+    Avenue and the casino. Gradually, however, you
+    may hit up the pace and try the golf
+    <span class="pagenum" id="Page_108">[108]</span> club,
+    Bailey’s Beach, and, finally, you may dash
+    past the judge’s stand and weigh in at Ochre
+    Point.</td>
+  </tr>
+</table>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At Newport the hostess usually retires at
+about 1.30. This should be the signal for
+all the bachelors, diplomats, and foreigners
+who are stopping with her, to ask the butler
+for carriages and motors to convey them
+to Canfield’s (a fashionable roulette and
+chicken-salad parlor).</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A bachelor stopping with friends in
+Newport should never lunch or dine in their
+house. It is more jaunty to dine out. If<span class="pagenum" id="Page_109">[109]</span>
+they are truly considerate, they will supply
+him with red morocco “in-and-out” signs
+which he can manipulate, in accordance with
+his engagements, in the entrance hall.</p>
+
+<p>After a week or so, if he has not yet seen
+his host or hostess and is preparing to leave
+Newport, it is sometimes thoughtful and
+kind to send a card up to their rooms by a
+servant, thanking them for their hospitality.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_110"></a>[110]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_111"></a>[111]</span></p>
+
+<h2 class="nobreak" id="GENERAL_RULES">GENERAL RULES</h2>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_112"></a>[112]</span></p>
+
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_113"></a>[113]</span></p>
+
+<h3 class="nobreak">GENERAL RULES</h3>
+
+</div>
+
+<p>Wedding receptions are usually held
+in small private houses holding anywhere
+from one hundred to two hundred guests.
+It is customary to invite sixteen hundred people,
+six hundred of whom arrive and three
+hundred of whom usually remain wedged for
+hours upon the stairs in a bewildering sea of
+picture hats, lobster salad, smilax, rice, and
+lady fingers.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>After a funeral it is customary for the
+family to supply a few extra carriages in
+which the pallbearers and mourners go to
+the burial ground. After this ceremony the
+bachelor, who has availed himself of one of<span class="pagenum" id="Page_114">[114]</span>
+the vehicles, may, with propriety, ask the
+driver to take him to his rooms; but it is a
+gross breach of good form to keep the carriage
+on (at the family’s expense) for calling,
+going to the play, or driving to Belmont
+Park for the races.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In thanking friends for wedding presents,
+it is well to remember that nearly all of them
+will have to be exchanged. Lay your plans
+accordingly. Do not thank anybody until you
+have bunched the duplicates.</p>
+
+<p>Let us assume, for instance, that the seventeen
+traveling clocks, forty-eight candlesticks,
+eleven porcelain parasol handles, fifty-one
+cut-glass salad bowls, thirteen fans, and
+eighty-four silver teapots have all been gathered
+together in convenient groups. At this
+point the bride-to-be may dictate an appropriate
+“teapot” letter to her secretary. This<span class="pagenum" id="Page_115">[115]</span>
+note will do for <i>all</i> the teapots. The following
+is a graceful example of such an epistle:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquote">
+
+<p class="noindent"><span class="smcap">My Dear</span> —— ——:</p>
+
+<p>The teapot is <i>too</i> ravishing. What
+an <i>angel</i> you are! I simply <i>adore</i> it.
+Oddly enough, it was the <i>very</i> thing I
+had longed and <i>prayed</i> for.</p>
+
+<p class="center">Yours ever,</p>
+
+<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Blanche</span>.</p>
+
+<p>P. S.—Where did you say you
+bought it?</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When a lady calls you up on the telephone,
+and seems disposed to run on forever,
+simply hang up the receiver and go on with
+your cigar. If she calls up again to complete
+the conversation, tell your servant to
+say that you were disgusted with the way the
+central girl cut you off and have gone to the
+telephone company to lodge a complaint.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_116">[116]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Be careful to remember that the lady
+always bows first. On some occasions it
+is difficult to determine whether the fast-approaching
+queen of fashion is going to
+bow or not. Should you be walking down the
+avenue with another man, proceed as follows:
+Look at her and exclaim gladly: “Why, how
+do you do—” Should she freeze, or cut
+you, you have but to turn to your friend and
+complete your remark by adding—“that
+little trick you showed me yesterday?”</p>
+
+<p>Thus, it may appear to him that your remark
+was meant to be a continuous one, having
+to do with some feat of legerdemain, and
+he will fail to notice the snub which has been
+so cruelly inflicted upon you.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Proposals by women, while permissible,
+are not customary, and, although they<span class="pagenum" id="Page_117">[117]</span>
+are yearly becoming more and more popular,
+are still regarded as an innovation. If the
+proposal is rejected, good taste and kindly
+consideration demand that the gentleman
+should keep it more or less of a secret.</p>
+
+<p>It is, of course, not always easy for a gentleman
+to know when he has been definitely
+proposed to. Women’s ways are sometimes
+devious and obscure. Roughly speaking, it
+is a proposal, or its equivalent, when a lady
+throws her head upon his breast and bursts
+into a passionate flood of tears.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>The duties of a valet in a country house
+are as follows:</p>
+
+<p>(1) Talking and snickering to the housemaids
+in the hallways.</p>
+
+<p>(2) Purloining little keepsakes from the
+portmanteaus of the visitors.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_118">[118]</span></p>
+
+<p>(3) Bouncing into the bachelors’ rooms
+one hour before they wish to be wakened, in
+order to build fires, close bureau drawers,
+misinform them about the weather, and take
+away dress coats and trousers.</p>
+
+<p>(4) Laying out clothes in the morning.
+In doing this they usually exhibit a highly
+trained color sense, selecting as the smartest
+combination of apparel a blue shirt, brown
+socks, lilac handkerchief, green tie, and a
+yellow waistcoat.</p>
+
+<p>(5) Standing in a conspicuous position in
+the main hallway on Monday morning, which
+is always the period of largess and plenty.</p>
+
+<p>(6) Wrapping up muddy boots in black
+evening trousers.</p>
+
+<p>(7) Perhaps, however, their most blissful
+moment is when, knowing that you have
+one more evening before you, they take your
+only remaining white shirt, fold it into a
+sausage-shaped roll, and hurl it into the
+soiled-linen basket.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_119">[119]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A movement is on foot in polite society
+to revise the barbarous wedding anniversaries
+as at present regulated, as modern
+marriages seldom last long enough to celebrate
+them. It is proposed, therefore, to call
+the first anniversary the tin, the second the
+silver, the third the gold, as marriages in
+society are only contracted, on one side or
+the other, for the attainment of these several
+commodities.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When ladies are introduced to one another,
+they should remain rigid and calm and
+evince no interest in the proceeding. Their
+necks should be stiff and their heads thrown
+back—like cobras about to strike.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At a wedding it is not customary for the
+best man to kiss the bride. Should the occasion<span class="pagenum" id="Page_120">[120]</span>
+seem, however, to call for such an act,
+he should be careful only to deliver a
+“Sweeper.” A “Dweller” may alone be
+administered by the groom.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A bachelor should supply the telephone
+girl at his office with a list of ladies
+to whom he is always “out.” On a select
+list he will write the names of five or six ladies
+who entertain delightfully and to whom he
+is always “in.”</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In introducing two people show no sign of
+emotion whatever. Merely look from one to
+the other in a vague, listless sort of way, and
+murmur their names very swiftly and very
+faintly. It is, of course, bad form to introduce
+at all, but, if put to it, proceed as above.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_121">[121]</span></p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>At Christmas time a married man should
+make certain to tip the telephone boy at his
+club. If the lad is clever enough to recognize
+the voice of the member’s wife, at the
+other end of the telephone, he should receive
+ten dollars. If he recognizes <i>other</i> female
+voices as well, he should receive twenty.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>A chivalrous husband should always
+try, by kindly acts and little courtesies, to ingratiate
+himself in his wife’s affections. It is,
+for instance, selfish of him to return from his
+office to his home before dressing time.</p>
+
+<p>He should remember that the hours between
+4.15 and 7.15 are <i>her</i> hours. In this
+brief space she will probably wish to pour
+tea, entertain male visitors, play bridge, buy
+jewelry, take a nap, or have her hair “marcelled,”
+and the husband should always consider<span class="pagenum" id="Page_122">[122]</span>
+her feelings during this trying part of
+the day. He may solace himself by remembering
+that the sitting rooms of other ladies
+are always open to him during these hours.
+If not, he can always go to the steam room
+at a Turkish bath, or drop in at the “Plaza”
+and hear the <i>nouveaux riches</i> drink tea.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>In motoring, avoid running over hens, dogs,
+and Italian children. They are almost certain
+to stick up the wheels.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Church-going is no longer considered
+fashionable. If a lady finds that she <i>must</i>
+attend church, it is a wise precaution to take
+a little child with her. This will not only
+make a good impression but will give her<span class="pagenum" id="Page_123">[123]</span>
+an excellent excuse for leaving before the
+sermon.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>When you are northbound and a lady
+bows to you from a southbound brougham,
+do not trouble to lift your hat. Merely raise
+your arm halfway to your head, as the vehicle
+will have passed in a moment and your
+failure to bow is certain to remain unnoticed.</p>
+
+<figure class="figcenter illowp100" style="max-width: 4.375em;">
+  <img class="w100" src="images/separator.jpg" alt="">
+</figure>
+
+<p>Always be half an hour late for everything.
+Nothing is so tedious as waiting.</p>
+
+<p class="titlepage">THE END</p>
+
+<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75300 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
+
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author	nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org>	2025-02-05 16:21:03 -0800
committer	nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org>	2025-02-05 16:21:03 -0800
commit	60788519a8bdc3946686788becd20fc1822d9751 (patch)
tree	7c50956994994e297ed7208e572e4dded62752d9 /75300-h