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diff --git a/75295-h/75295-h.htm b/75295-h/75295-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..db33b18 --- /dev/null +++ b/75295-h/75295-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2488 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html> +<html lang="en"> +<head> + <meta charset="UTF-8"> + <title> + Sketches of Lowly Life in a Great City | Project Gutenberg + </title> + <link rel="icon" href="images/cover.jpg" type="image/x-cover"> + <style> /* <![CDATA[ */ + +body { + margin-left: 2.5em; + margin-right: 2.5em; +} +.x-ebookmaker body {margin: 0;} +.x-ebookmaker-drop {color: inherit;} + +h1, h2 { + text-align: center; + clear: both; + margin-top: 2.5em; + margin-bottom: 1em; + word-spacing: .3em; +} + +h1 {line-height: 1.7;} + +h2+p {margin-top: 1.5em;} +.x-ebookmaker h1, .x-ebookmaker .chapter, .x-ebookmaker .section {page-break-before: always;} +.x-ebookmaker h2.nobreak, .x-ebookmaker .nobreak {page-break-before: avoid; padding-top: 0;} + +.transnote h2 { + margin-top: .5em; + margin-bottom: 1em; +} + +p { + text-indent: 1.75em; + margin-top: .51em; + margin-bottom: .24em; + text-align: justify; +} +.x-ebookmaker p { + margin-top: .5em; + margin-bottom: .25em; +} + +.caption p, .center p, p.center {text-align: center; text-indent: 0;} + +.p1 {margin-top: 1em;} +.p2 {margin-top: 2em;} +.p4 {margin-top: 4em;} +.vspace {line-height: 1.5;} + +.in0 {text-indent: 0;} +.in1 {padding-left: 1em;} +.in2 {padding-left: 2em;} +.in3 {padding-left: 3.5em;} +.in4 {padding-left: 4em;} +.ina {padding-left: 6em;} +.inb {padding-left: 4em;} +.l3 {padding-right: 3em;} + +.xsmall {font-size: 60%; vertical-align: 40%;} +.small {font-size: 70%;} +.smaller {font-size: 85%;} +.larger {font-size: 125%;} +.large {font-size: 150%;} + +.center {text-align: center;} + +.right {text-align: right; margin-right: 2em;} +.right0 {text-align: right; margin-right: 0;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} +.firstword {font-variant: small-caps;} + +hr { + width: 33%; + margin: 4em auto 4em auto; + clear: both; +} +.x-ebookmaker hr { + margin-top: .1em; + margin-bottom: .1em; + visibility: hidden; + color: white; + width: .01em; + display: none; +} + +.pagenum { + position: absolute; + right: .25em; + text-indent: 0; + text-align: right; + font-size: 70%; + font-weight: normal; + font-variant: normal; + font-style: normal; + letter-spacing: normal; + line-height: normal; + color: #acacac; + border: .0625em solid #acacac; + background: #ffffff; + padding: .0625em .125em; +} + +figure {page-break-inside: avoid;} +figure.nobreak {page-break-before: avoid;} + +.figcenter { + margin: 4em auto 2em auto; + text-align: center; + page-break-inside: avoid; +} +.figcenter.p2 {margin-top: 2em;} +.x-ebookmaker .figcenter {margin: 2em auto 2em auto;} + +img { + padding: 0 0 0 0; + max-width: 100%; + height: auto; +} + +.caption p {text-align: center; margin-top: 0;} +.caption p+p {text-align: justify; text-indent: 1.25em; font-size: .85em;} +.caption p+p.in0 {text-indent: 0; text-align: left;} +.caption p+p.right {text-align: right; margin-bottom: 0;} +.caption p+p.right0 {text-align: right; margin-bottom: 0; margin-right: .5em;} +.caption p+p.center {text-align: center;} +.caption p.null {margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0; line-height: .1;} + +.transnote { + border: .3em double gray; + font-family: sans-serif, serif; + margin-left: 5%; + margin-right: 5%; + margin-top: 4em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + padding: 1em; +} +.x-ebookmaker .transnote { + page-break-before: always; + page-break-after: always; + margin-left: 2%; + margin-right: 2%; +} + +.wspace {word-spacing: .3em;} + +span.locked {white-space:nowrap;} +.pagenum br {display: none; visibility: hidden;} + +.pubb {display: block;} +.pube {display: none; visibility: hidden;} +.x-ebookmaker .pubb {display: none; visibility: hidden;} +.x-ebookmaker .pube {display: block; visibility: visible;} + + /* ]]> */ </style> +</head> + +<body> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75295 ***</div> + +<div class="chapter section transnote"> +<h2 id="Transcribers_Notes">Transcriber’s Note</h2> + +<p>This is a picture book.</p> + +<p>Most of the captions use slang and dialect.</p> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="coversmall" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 35em;"> + <img src="images/coversmall.jpg" width="926" height="800" alt=""> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="frontis" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/frontis.jpg" width="1632" height="2830" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p> +<i>Yours faithfully,<br> +<span class="in4">M. Angelo Woolf</span></i> +</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<hr class="x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter section center wspace"> +<h1> +SKETCHES OF LOWLY LIFE<br> +<span class="smaller">IN A GREAT CITY</span></h1> + +<p class="p2 vspace large"><span class="small">BY</span><br> +M. A. WOOLF</p> + +<p class="p1"><span class="smaller">EDITED BY</span><br> +JOSEPH HENIUS</p> + +<figure id="i_" class="figcenter p2 nobreak" style="max-width: 19em;"> + <img src="images/i_000.jpg" width="1212" height="1039" alt="crying boy and boy talking with girl (see Proof Inclusive on page 39)"> +</figure> + +<p class="p1"><span class="larger">G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS</span><br> + +<span class="pubb"> + <span class="in2">NEW YORK</span><span class="ina l3">LONDON</span><br> + <span class="xsmall">27 AND 29 WEST 23D STREET<span class="inb">24 BEDFORD STREET, STRAND</span></span> +</span> +<span class="pube"><span class="center"> + NEW YORK<br> + <span class="xsmall">27 AND 29 WEST 23D STREET</span><br> + LONDON<br> + <span class="xsmall">24 BEDFORD STREET, STRAND</span> + </span> +</span> +</p> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<hr class="x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter section p4 center small vspace"> +<p> +COPYRIGHT, 1899<br> +BY<br> +JOSEPH HENIUS</p> + +<p class="p4"> +The Knickerbocker Press, New York +</p> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<hr class="x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter section center vspace wspace"> +<p> +<span class="smcap">To</span><br> +ELIZA WOOLF HENIUS +</p> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<hr class="x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_v">v</span></p> + +<h2 class="nobreak" id="INTRODUCTION">INTRODUCTION</h2> + +<p><span class="firstword">In</span> presenting this volume, I have endeavored to honor the memory of a good man and +a dear friend. In the tenderness, sincerity, and simplicity of his work are to be found the +elements which were most conspicuous in the personality of the late M. A. Woolf, together +with unostentatious charity and a humor, unique in contemporary art, which, while always +manly and honest, possessed the power to move as well to tears as to laughter.</p> + +<p>The following selections were made from among the most characteristic of Mr. Woolf’s +contributions to <i>Life</i> and <i>Judge</i>, and a number of hitherto unpublished drawings.</p> + +<p>To all who by kindly suggestion and personal effort have assisted me in this compilation, +I extend the assurance of my deep thanks and appreciation.</p> + +<p class="right"> +<span class="smcap">Joseph Henius.</span> +</p> + +<p> +<span class="smcap">Brooklyn</span>, October, 1899. +</p> +</div> + +<hr class="x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_vii">vii</span></p> + +<h2 class="nobreak" id="BIOGRAPHICAL_NOTE">BIOGRAPHICAL NOTE</h2> + +<p><span class="firstword">Michael Angelo Woolf</span> was born in London, England, August 27, 1837. His father +was Edward Woolf, a musician of eminence, and a man of versatile talent in both art and +literature. Michael Woolf was brought to America in his infancy; his talent manifested itself +early, and he contributed as a young man to many prominent periodicals. For a number of +years he turned aside from draughtsmanship to pursue an actor’s career, and two charming +autobiographical reminiscences of this period of his life appeared in the <i>Saturday Evening +Post</i>, of Philadelphia, shortly after his death. At the close of the Civil War, Mr. Woolf resumed +his original profession, but turning his attention more to painting, was hampered by +the remissness of his early training, and sought regular art instruction, for the first time in +his life, at the hands of Edouard Frère in France. Upon his return to America he exhibited +a much admired painting, “How It Happened,” at the National Academy of Design. +In his later years he turned his endeavors almost entirely to the delineation of child life +among the poorer classes; and his drawings, with their peculiar combination of humor and +pathos, have become widely known here and abroad.</p> + +<p>Mr. Woolf died suddenly of heart disease at the home of his sister in Brooklyn, N. Y., +March 4, 1899.</p> +</div> + +<hr class="x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_1">1</span></p> + +<figure id="i_1" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_001.jpg" width="1425" height="1733" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>HARD HIT.</p> + +<p>Miranda (oh, so deeply in love): “I can’t stand this suspense +no longer! Ask her if all marriages is failures.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_1r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 22em;"> + <img src="images/i_001r.jpg" width="1377" height="1635" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>HARD HIT.</p> + +<p>“I say, mister, have yer got a penny walentine what +rhymes ter Maggie?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_3">3</span></p> + +<figure id="i_3" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 36em;"> + <img src="images/i_003.jpg" width="2252" height="2155" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>LOVE IS A FEARFUL THING.</p> + +<p>“If you please, sir: none uv us ain’t able ter sleep uv a night, an’ we want ter know if yer +ain’t got suthin what’ll cure us, an’ we can’t tell what’s de matter wid us.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_3r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 14em;"> + <img src="images/i_003r.jpg" width="868" height="1248" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>The innocent cause, who is paying +a visit to friends in the village.</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">5</span></p> + +<figure id="i_5" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 22em;"> + <img src="images/i_005.jpg" width="1381" height="1523" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A POINT IN ETIQUETTE.</p> + +<p>“Kin I give him flowers if I’ve not been interdooced +ter him?”</p> + +<p>“No, it ain’t good form even ter reckernize a man wot +yer don’t even know. The best way is ter get ackwainted +with the Dutch grocer where he buys his ’taters an’ herrinks, +an’ let the interduction come through him.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_5r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 30em;"> + <img src="images/i_005r.jpg" width="1883" height="1462" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A TERROR.</p> + +<p>“Jim, giv’ us a interduction.”</p> + +<p>“No, Tom, no. Yer don’t know her, an’ yer don’ want ter. She’s de +ice-cream fiend of de ward; she’s beggared two newsboys an’ a Italian +bootblack, an’ she’s a looking roun’ for another wictim.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_7">7</span></p> + +<figure id="i_7" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 35em;"> + <img src="images/i_007.jpg" width="2228" height="1341" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>GALLANT.</p> + +<p>Girl.—“Don’t be frightened. He won’t bite +you.”</p> + +<p>Boy.—“I ain’t askeered o’ the dog. I’m a +envyin’ him, that’s all.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_7b" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 36em;"> + <img src="images/i_007b.jpg" width="2242" height="1107" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>EXCEPTIONAL VALUE.</p> + +<p>Nurse (in continuation, speaking of her +brother in the wagon).—“Yes, an’ he ain’t got +no wices at all; he don’t smoke, drink, or +chew terbacker, an’ he don’t want no latch-key.”</p> + +<p>Friend (on right).—“Lor’, what a husbant +he’d make.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">9</span></p> + +<figure id="i_9" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_009.jpg" width="1414" height="1447" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“What is it, Lizzie, a boy or a gal?”</p> + +<p>“A gal.”</p> + +<p>“Dear, dear me! There’s some one else who’s got to +worry about gettin’ a husband.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_9r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_009r.jpg" width="1636" height="1211" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A MYSTERY SOLVED.</p> + +<p>“Clara, it’s the likes o’ them w’ot makes so many of us young +bodies ole maids. The fellers gets askeered o’ the milliners’ an’ +the dressmakers’ bills.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">11</span></p> + +<figure id="i_11" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 33em;"> + <img src="images/i_011.jpg" width="2066" height="1634" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THE ONE THING LACKING.</p> + +<p>Patsy: “W’ot do de gals admire uv dose milingtary chaps, I wonder?”</p> + +<p>Jimmy: “It’s deir mustarchers, Patsy, deir mustarchers. If I had one dat bloke +wouldn’t be in it wid me.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">13</span></p> + +<figure id="i_13" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 51em;"> + <img src="images/i_013.jpg" width="3221" height="1565" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>HARD HIT.</p> + +<p class="center">Marriageable Young Man (on left): “What a wife such a woman would make.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">15</span></p> + +<figure id="i_15" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_015.jpg" width="1635" height="1187" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>Lillian: “’Ain’t that your brother?”</p> + +<p>Maud: “Yes!”</p> + +<p>Lillian: “Why don’t yer interdooce me?”</p> + +<p>Maud: “He’s a misant’rope; he’s been crost in love, and +he’s giv’ our sex the cold shake!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_15r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_015r.jpg" width="1626" height="1243" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Good morning, Adolph de Belfort. How comes it you are not +at church this fine Thanksgiving morn. Have you nothing to be +thankful for?”</p> + +<p>“For nothing as much as being able to count myself one of +your most ardent admirers, believe me!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">17</span></p> + +<figure id="i_17" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 47em;"> + <img src="images/i_017.jpg" width="2951" height="1437" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A SURE WINNER.</p> + +<p>Mentor (behind rock): “Hand her de bokay, Jimmy, an’ den t’row yerself at her feet an’ tell her +yer life is mizzerable, an’ dat yer’ll chuck yerself in de ocean if she don’t have yer; an’ don’t forgit +de sooicide rackit. Dat fetches de wimmin every time.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_19">19</span></p> + +<figure id="i_19" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 19em;"> + <img src="images/i_019.jpg" width="1215" height="925" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p><span lang="fr">C’EST L’AMOUR.</span></p> + +<p>“Mary, there is warious kinds o’ love. There +is that love wot never wants nothin’ but love; then +there’s a love wot’s simply lovely, it’s so pure an’ +good. Such a love is like the stars wot shines in +the infirmary in circumambulance space, an’ this is +the hour for love, the sunset hour. Do you remember +Gray’s ‘Elegy’ begins with the line ‘Wot +Curtius told to Nell at parting day’?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_19r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_019r.jpg" width="1627" height="1290" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Look at me, Lizzie; the gal wot gets me’ll have a snap, +for I don’t chew, smoke, or git drunk!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_21">21</span></p> + +<figure id="i_21" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 39em;"> + <img src="images/i_021.jpg" width="2472" height="1492" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>IN A TERRIBLE FIX.</p> + +<p>Young and Bashful Admirer: “If she should turn ’round and say to me +that she loves me as she does that doll, what would I say?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_23">23</span></p> + +<figure id="i_23" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_023.jpg" width="1830" height="1329" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A TRYING MOMENT.</p> + +<p>Maggie: “Lizzie, wuz you ever kissed?”</p> + +<p>Lizzie: “Only wunst in my life, an’ that wuz when I wuz in the +horspital wid a broken arm; an old lady kissed me an’ I blushed like a +child!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_23r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 20em;"> + <img src="images/i_023r.jpg" width="1272" height="1645" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>IN SUSPENSE.</p> + +<p>Genevieve (at upper window): “Them’s Teddy’s +legs if ever Teddy lived; what could ha happened; I +wonder could he have committed soo-incide ’cause +I rejected him this mornin’?”</p> + +<p>(No! The afternoon was warm, and Teddy was +taking a siesta.)</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_25">25</span></p> + +<figure id="i_25" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 22em;"> + <img src="images/i_025.jpg" width="1372" height="911" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>TO STOP GOSSIPS’ TONGUES.</p> + +<p>Horatio (to Lucretia): “As our engagement is not +made public yet, you had better let go o’ my arm when +we get a little nearer to the village!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_25r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_025r.jpg" width="1633" height="1254" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Tommy, the doctors is sayin’ that kissin’ is apt to breed +sickness!”</p> + +<p>“I know. But we men have to take risks in everythink!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_27">27</span></p> + +<figure id="i_27" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 38em;"> + <img src="images/i_027.jpg" width="2393" height="1543" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>NOT DEAD SURE OF HER.</p> + +<p>“I wonder if she’d sic de dorg on me if I wuz ter fall on me knees an’ tell her I love her?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_29">29</span></p> + +<figure id="i_29" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 44em;"> + <img src="images/i_029.jpg" width="2782" height="1614" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“In this stocking, Letitia, you will find the hard savings of my lifetime,—two half-dollars, a silver +spoon, a briarwood pipe, and a bottle of red ink; not much, I will admit, but enough to start house-keeping +with if you will only say the word!”</p> + +<p>“Reginald Overbeck, you embarrass me! Think of the difference in our ages,—what will the +world say?—take me, I am your’n!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_31">31</span></p> + +<figure id="i_31" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_031.jpg" width="1620" height="1113" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>NO TRIFLERS WANTED.</p> + +<p>She: “I don’t mind walking with you, but for goodness’ sake +don’t say you love me and ask me to wait for you—they all do +that. If there’s any waiting to be done, wait yourself until +you’re a man, and then come right down to business.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_31b" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 25em;"> + <img src="images/i_031b.jpg" width="1599" height="1173" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>HOME, SWEET HOME.</p> + +<p>“Look, Adelaide, look! The boat is ready! Let us fly to +yon foreign shore!”</p> + +<p>“Marmion Bludwurst, your appeal is in vain; I kinnot leave +my home. It is unpossible!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_33">33</span></p> + +<figure id="i_33" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 32em;"> + <img src="images/i_033.jpg" width="2007" height="1201" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>CHANGED HER OPINION.</p> + +<p>Ethelwynde: “They say she married a common +mechanic.”</p> + +<p>Heliotroype: “Common, Ethelwynde? Why, he +had spent all his life in a bicycle manufactory!”</p> + +<p>Ethelwynde: “Oh, heavens! Although a man-hater +for years, I feel that I could love such a man +as that with my innermost soul!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_33b" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 38em;"> + <img src="images/i_033b.jpg" width="2407" height="1267" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>PATRIOTIC.</p> + +<p>Boy (reading “Personals”): “A young man +of means wishes to meet a young and attractive +lady who would be willing to marry and spend +part of the year abroad.”</p> + +<p>Young Lady (matrimonially inclined): “That’d +suit me izzackly, exceptin’ the livin’ abroad. +I’d rather go roun’ wid me basket in America, +dan be presented to de nobility in London.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_35">35</span></p> + +<figure id="i_35" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 30em;"> + <img src="images/i_035.jpg" width="1888" height="1599" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption">T’ROWN DOWN. + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_37">37</span></p> + +<figure id="i_37" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 25em;"> + <img src="images/i_037.jpg" width="1582" height="1009" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Genevieve Cassidy, you ask me why I have brought you to +this spot. Look! That ball of snow contains the body of my +rival, Homer Gallagher. The vengeance I have wroke on him +fills my heart with joy, for I feel I am a step nearer my one +great ambition.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_37r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 25em;"> + <img src="images/i_037r.jpg" width="1575" height="1284" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>He: “Hortense Vaseline Debris, from this hour henceforwardforth +we ain’t to each other what we wuz a week ago. +I brand yer as a flirt an’ a croquet!”</p> + +<p>She (haughtily): “As you please, Reginald Overton. There +are others!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_39">39</span></p> + +<figure id="i_39" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 20em;"> + <img src="images/i_039.jpg" width="1268" height="1885" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>PROOF CONCLUSIVE.</p> + +<p>Mediator: “He’s bin goin’ on like dat fer a +week. He don’t get no sleep, but keeps moanin’ +an’ mentionin’ yer name.”</p> + +<p>Lizzie: “Does he refuse his wittles?”</p> + +<p>Mediator: “Oh, no!”</p> + +<p>Lizzie: “Den it isn’t love w’ot’s a-worryin’ +him. W’ot he wants is exercise.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_39r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 33em;"> + <img src="images/i_039r.jpg" width="2054" height="1218" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>WHY IT WAS OFF.</p> + +<p>“W’ot’s de matter, Billy—is de engagement broke off?”</p> + +<p>“Yes; it’s no use payin’ intentions to a gal w’ot kin knock de head off yer +with a simple lick, an’ dat’s w’ot she come near doin’ de last time I called on her. +If I marries a gal I wants ter be boss, an’ if dere’s any fightin’ to be did I wants +ter be champion.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_41">41</span></p> + +<figure id="i_41" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_041.jpg" width="1605" height="1173" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A GUILTY PALM.</p> + +<p>“Feodora, yer have been a deceivin’ of me. Yer hand tells +me yer have been married twicet!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_41r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 25em;"> + <img src="images/i_041r.jpg" width="1575" height="1145" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A BIT OF ROMANCE.</p> + +<p>“What’s the matter, Tom—is yer engagement off?”</p> + +<p>“Aye, Simeon, it’s the old, old story. Famerly interference, +mother-in-law, an’ all that sort o’ thing. It druv me +ter drink, an’ I become a wreck, an’ she—she took to the +Salwation Army!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_43">43</span></p> + +<figure id="i_43" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 36em;"> + <img src="images/i_043.jpg" width="2277" height="1147" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THAT’S WHY.</p> + +<p>Boy (in background, to chum): “Why don’t yer go an’ knock de +stuffin’ out un yer rival?”</p> + +<p>Chum: “I’ll tell yer why. Did yer ever see him fight? I have.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_45">45</span></p> + +<figure id="i_45" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 47em;"> + <img src="images/i_045.jpg" width="2979" height="1604" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>MEN WERE DECEIVERS EVER.</p> + +<p>Lopez Donovan (putting his face under cover): “By de holy smoke! if it ain’t my fiancee, +Loriena Brady. W’ot will she do w’en she finds out dat my heart is marble an’ I’se t’rown her +down for de little angel w’ot I’se a-pullin’?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_47">47</span></p> + +<figure id="i_47" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_047.jpg" width="1651" height="1310" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Tom, she giv’ me the marble heart, the cold shake; +them baloom sleeves is too much for her. (In a whisper): +I want you to let me pull your sister ’round on that sled +for a little while. I want ter make that gal jealous—it’ll +break her heart!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_47r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_047r.jpg" width="1620" height="1290" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>TERRIBLE.</p> + +<p>Pamela O’Duffy (in wagon): “A clandesting meetin’! +Oh, Algernon! Oh, the perfigiousness of man! And with +a or’nary butcher’s daughter, too! Oh, this is much more +than too much! (With theatric action and force): By +yon flossy cloudlets w’ot wanders over yon Asia sky, I +register an oath to jolt his jaglets’ footsteps night an’ +day, to taunt him with my frenzied thumb until his life +becomes a bird’n, an’ he seeks death in hor-r-r-rer, ’r-retchedness, +an’ r-r-r-remorse!” (Faints.)</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_49">49</span></p> + +<figure id="i_49" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 37em;"> + <img src="images/i_049.jpg" width="2334" height="1529" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>“THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE,” etc.</p> + +<p>He: “There’s the only girl I ever loved, an’ I dassent go near her ’cause +she’s gittin’ the measles.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_51">51</span></p> + +<figure id="i_51" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 36em;"> + <img src="images/i_051.jpg" width="2241" height="1781" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>AFTER THE QUARREL.</p> + +<p>Niobe MacGonigal (on extreme left): “If he on’y knowed w’ot a wretched night +I passed I wonder if he’d let me took back dem words I spoke?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_53">53</span></p> + +<figure id="i_53" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_053.jpg" width="1618" height="1253" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>INGRATITUDE.</p> + +<p>Pythias: “Come along, Damon. She ain’t worth a +second thought!”</p> + +<p>Damon: “To think she should treat me like this! Why, +I started her in business; I stole that basket for her w’ot +she goes a-beggin’ with.”</p> + +<p>Pythias (with disgust): “Bah! Wimmin is ingrates; +they make me tired!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_53r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_053r.jpg" width="1662" height="1151" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>AN APPEAL.</p> + +<p>“Maud Percy Sidney, listen to me. Me an’ my child is +desolate since you have took from us our purtector an’ surport. +If my words cannot move you, let the wasted form of +this poor child melt your heart, if it be not made of adamank +or cast iron.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_55">55</span></p> + +<figure id="i_55" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 22em;"> + <img src="images/i_055.jpg" width="1406" height="1308" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>IN DOUBT.</p> + +<p>“Lizzie, you’re a woman o’ the world and what I’m a’ askin’ you is in strick conferdence, +o’ course. Jim, there, has offert me his hand. (In a hoarse whisper): Do you +think a woman would be happy with a man with legs like his’n?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_55b" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 35em;"> + <img src="images/i_055b.jpg" width="2224" height="1449" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>AT THE END OF THE SEASON.</p> + +<p>“Billy, now that she’s agoin’ away, I want ter tell +yer that I wuz all broke up on that gal, an’ I would have +married her if she had only given me some encouragement.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_57">57</span></p> + +<figure id="i_57" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_057.jpg" width="1829" height="1379" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>BY THE SAD SEA SHORE.</p> + +<p>Argument: The last boat of the season is leaving, carrying +away a host of summer boarders.</p> + +<p>Party on Rock (in tones of deepest anguish): “Farewell, +Mercedes, farewell! In six short months you will have forgotten +Vacopo the fisherman’s son, and my old age will be made a +wreck!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_57b" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_057b.jpg" width="1809" height="1515" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>’TWAS EVER THUS.</p> + +<p>Smitten Youth (who has been very attentive with flowers and +huckleberries for a month past): “Hevings, Horatio, she must +be agoin’ to leave the place!” (Swoons.)</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_59">59</span></p> + +<figure id="i_59" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 37em;"> + <img src="images/i_059.jpg" width="2361" height="1308" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THE LOVERS.</p> + +<p>She (on right of picture, timidly): “Will Sidney forgive his birdie if she asks a +favor of him?”</p> + +<p>He (warmly): “Sidney kin refuse his Hortense nothink.”</p> + +<p>She (with a choking emotion): “Then ask him to play a weddin’ march.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_61">61</span></p> + +<figure id="i_61" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_061.jpg" width="1622" height="1316" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Say, Dago, could yer get a weddin’ breakfust ready +at a hour’s notice?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_61b" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 30em;"> + <img src="images/i_061b.jpg" width="1811" height="905" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p class="null"></p> + +<p class="in0 right0"> +THE CHILD’S DAY OFF<br> +<span class="smaller l3">FRESH AIR.</span></p> +<p class="in0"><span class="in1">THE FATHER’S DAY OFF</span><br> +<span class="in3 smaller">A FRESH BOTTLE.</span> +</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_63">63</span></p> + +<figure id="i_63" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 31em;"> + <img src="images/i_063.jpg" width="1947" height="2622" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>APROPOS OF THAT $50,000 TO CLOTHE THE ARMENIANS.</p> + +<p>Father Knickerbocker: “When you send to Armenia, let it be by way of Mulberry Bend!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_65">65</span></p> + +<figure id="i_65" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_065.jpg" width="1423" height="1097" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“I wonder if I wuz all dressed up an’ put in a winder, +if anybody would long to have me?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_65r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 30em;"> + <img src="images/i_065r.jpg" width="1863" height="1477" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p class="center">“Has father got here yet?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_67">67</span></p> + +<figure id="i_67" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 25em;"> + <img src="images/i_067.jpg" width="1596" height="1233" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Them’s for a funeral, I guess!”</p> + +<p>“Sure!”</p> + +<p>(With a sigh): “Ah, there’s some pleasure in bein’ +a Fi’th Avenyer corpse!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_67r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_067r.jpg" width="1409" height="1188" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>(At the ash-can): “De story-book says dat +de prince married Cindyrella, but I don’t believe +it; I don’t think he took no notice of her!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_69">69</span></p> + +<figure id="i_69" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 38em;"> + <img src="images/i_069.jpg" width="2400" height="1528" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THE DIFFERENCE.</p> + +<p>James: “Wot’s de matter; has he bin a-workin’ de growler agin?”</p> + +<p>Larry: “No; dis time de growler has bin a-workin’ him.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_71">71</span></p> + +<figure id="i_71" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 48em;"> + <img src="images/i_071.jpg" width="3046" height="2027" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>RARE INNOCENCE.</p> + +<p>She: “Jimmy, is dere enny rinks open now?”</p> + +<p>He: “Naw, dey all closed more ’n a mont’ ago?</p> + +<p>She: “So I t’ought. I wondered wo’t mother meant by sayin’ father came home last night wid a skate on.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_73">73</span></p> + +<figure id="i_73" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 19em;"> + <img src="images/i_073.jpg" width="1204" height="1056" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THE DAY WE CELEBRATE.</p> + +<p>First Boy: “Too much Santa Claus, eh?”</p> + +<p>Second Boy: “No, too much Santa Cruz.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_73r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 32em;"> + <img src="images/i_073r.jpg" width="2018" height="1327" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>HIS NATURAL BENT.</p> + +<p>Father (in high glee): “Vell, Repecka, unt vat do you t’ink ohf our Ikey +now? Look ad him. He’s put on mine coat unt vest to make him look like a +man, unt den got dree lemons for a sign, unt he’s shtarted a pawnbroker’s shtore +on der sidewalk. Mark mein vords, he’ll haf der clothes off dem Cristian +poys’ packs before dey goes away.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_75">75</span></p> + +<figure id="i_75" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_075.jpg" width="1623" height="1250" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>PATERNAL PRIDE.</p> + +<p>“If there’s a child in the sixt’ ward kin bate that wan o’ +moine at dhrinkin’, fetch him along, and I’ll set up the licker +for the house. Ah! but it’s a proud woman his mother’d be +this day if she wuz on’y aloive to see him!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_75r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_075r.jpg" width="1654" height="1353" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p class="center">“Agnes, does your father drink, too?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_77">77</span></p> + +<figure id="i_77" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_077.jpg" width="1435" height="1797" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“She must be getting better. It is the first time she +has smiled.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_79">79</span></p> + +<figure id="i_79" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 47em;"> + <img src="images/i_079.jpg" width="2993" height="1909" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>TOO MUCH FOR HIM.</p> + +<p>“Come away, Nellie, come away! I can’t stand it no longer. The sight an’ smell o’ them cakes make me desperit.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_81">81</span></p> + +<figure id="i_81" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_081.jpg" width="1800" height="1360" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>TO BE ENVIED.</p> + +<p class="center">“Hey, Jimmy, dat shop’s mighty lucky dese hard times.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_81r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 22em;"> + <img src="images/i_081r.jpg" width="1382" height="1141" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THAT’S WHERE THE IRON ENTERED.</p> + +<p>“Jimmy, it ain’t the walue o’ the dorg w’ot I’m a-thinkin’ +of, although that’s enough to break one’s heart, +but it’s the chicking an’ the party o’ four grasses w’ot +he’s got on his insides!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_83">83</span></p> + +<figure id="i_83" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 39em;"> + <img src="images/i_083.jpg" width="2445" height="1554" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>LOST HER PASS.</p> + +<p>Boy (on extreme right of picture, to sister): “Wot have yer did wid de pennies w’ot +I giv yer ter save fer de ice cream?”</p> + +<p>Sister: “Ow—boo-hoo-hoo! I put ’em in me mout fer safety, and I’ve swallered em. +Boo-hoo-hoo!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_85">85</span></p> + +<figure id="i_85" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 39em;"> + <img src="images/i_085.jpg" width="2433" height="1536" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>TOO BAD.</p> + +<p>“Talk about cruelty ter young folks! I want ter know if dere’s anyting worse dan +ter come acrost one er dem posters when yer dat hungry you could almost eat yer shoes.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_87">87</span></p> + +<figure id="i_87" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 35em;"> + <img src="images/i_087.jpg" width="2213" height="1430" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>HER SMALL WISH.</p> + +<p>“See w’ot I found in the ash-barril. What a pity it ain’t got no stummick!”</p> + +<p>“I envies it. If I didn’t have no stummick I wouldn’t want no grub!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_87r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 17em;"> + <img src="images/i_087r.jpg" width="1038" height="1749" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>TERRIBLE.</p> + +<p>“Yes, it’s just too awful to think +I’ve got to grow so old that gents +won’t make room for me in the cars!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_89">89</span></p> + +<figure id="i_89" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 39em;"> + <img src="images/i_089.jpg" width="2448" height="1439" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>ON THE FRESH-AIR EXCURSION.</p> + +<p>Tillie (overcome of her free lunch): “Say, Maggie, run a pin in me. I must be +a-dreamin’. This is too good to be true!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_91">91</span></p> + +<figure id="i_91" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 42em;"> + <img src="images/i_091.jpg" width="2655" height="1626" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>AN ANXIOUS MOMENT. (<i>AT THE FRESH-AIR EXCURSION.</i>)</p> + +<p class="center">“Please, sir, I’s lost me ticket.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_93">93</span></p> + +<figure id="i_93" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 28em;"> + <img src="images/i_093.jpg" width="1754" height="1453" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>SIMPLE STRATEGY.</p> + +<p>Emily: “Wot’s the use of yer standin’ an’ lookin’ in the winder +when yer ain’t got no money?”</p> + +<p>Sophy: “Well, I’ll tell yer. I stand an’ aggrawate myself to +that extent that the excitement of it gets me hungry, an’ I rushes +home an’ eats me dry crust o’ bread wid an appetite.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_95">95</span></p> + +<figure id="i_95" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_095.jpg" width="1611" height="1250" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THE TEMPTATION TOO GREAT.</p> + +<p>Ellen: “Why don’t you put a couple of oysters on those +black eyes o’ yourn?”</p> + +<p>Tom: “I did. I tried it twiced, but somehow I can’t +never get them no furder up than my mout.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_95r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_095r.jpg" width="1431" height="1114" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>Boy: “He kin scare us with his racket, now, +Em’ly, but in a couple o’ days our stummicks will +be his cemetary!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_97">97</span></p> + +<figure id="i_97" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 28em;"> + <img src="images/i_097.jpg" width="1753" height="1358" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>BAD LOOKOUT FOR JOHNNY.</p> + +<p>“Come, Mariar—come quick! Johnny Atkins is a-buyin’ a apple!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_97r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 25em;"> + <img src="images/i_097r.jpg" width="1593" height="1358" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“I seen yer buy de apple, Susy Roach, an’ if yer don’t gimme +half I’ll rub aginst yer, an’ yer’ll catch der measles.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_99">99</span></p> + +<figure id="i_99" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 20em;"> + <img src="images/i_099.jpg" width="1238" height="1517" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A BONANZA.</p> + +<p>“Mattie, come quick, an’ bring everythink +yer can with yer! There’s bin a New Year’s +party, an’ they’re a-givin’ away all the pidgins, +toast, an’ wegetables what’s bin left +over!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_99r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_099r.jpg" width="1446" height="1658" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A GOOD TIME.</p> + +<p>“Bill, you wuzzent in it when you didn’t go to de +picnic; dat’s right! Dere wuz pie—an’ cake—an’ limonade—an’ +red an’ yaller ice-cream, an’ I eat so much dat +when I got t’rough I felt as dough dere wuz a duzzent +angels a-sittin’ on me ribs a-fannin’ me stummick to +sleep.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_101">101</span></p> + +<figure id="i_101" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_101.jpg" width="1414" height="990" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A MOMENT OF ANXIETY.</p> + +<p>“Will he dewour us, Jimmy?”</p> + +<p>“I dunno. He takes the Christmas turkey I got inside +o’ me for quail, an’ you never can tell wot a game +dog will do.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_101r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_101r.jpg" width="1437" height="1720" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>AN EYE TO BUSINESS.</p> + +<p>“Hey, Chimmy, how’s dat for a t’roat ter holler +extrys wid?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_103">103</span></p> + +<figure id="i_103" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_103.jpg" width="1434" height="1831" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>QUITE HUMAN.</p> + +<p>“What makes a rooster crow, Billy?”</p> + +<p>“He’s got ter giv’ way ter his feelin’s. He can’t +help hisself.”</p> + +<p>“But when the hen lays a egg he makes the most +noise.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! That’s pride.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_103b" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_103b.jpg" width="1653" height="1280" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>Nanny: “Drop that, Billy; drop it, I tell you! I don’t +want you to get a taste for that sort o’ thing!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_105">105</span></p> + +<figure id="i_105" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 19em;"> + <img src="images/i_105.jpg" width="1175" height="789" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>PRIDE OF ANCESTRY.</p> + +<p>Rover: “My father took the first prize at +the exhibition!”</p> + +<p>Towzer: “That’s nothing; my mother’s +remains took a gold medal at the health-food +fair!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_105r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 30em;"> + <img src="images/i_105r.jpg" width="1866" height="1413" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>ALONE.</p> + +<p>Susy: “What’s he cryin’ for?”</p> + +<p>Nelly (in a whisper): “That dead dog wuz his chum.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_107">107</span></p> + +<figure id="i_107" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_107.jpg" width="1620" height="1313" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>TOO MUCH.</p> + +<p>Sue: “Maggie, would you rather die an’ be a angel with +a harp, or have that weddin’ dress?”</p> + +<p>Mag: “Oh, don’t ask me! The temptation is too terrible!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_107r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_107r.jpg" width="1606" height="1278" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>IN DOUBT.</p> + +<p>“What’s the matter, Tom?”</p> + +<p>“I’m in trouble. I don’t know whether I ought to die +while I’m young, and become a angel, or wait an’ grow up +to be a man an’ have a mustarche an’ side-wiskers.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_109">109</span></p> + +<figure id="i_109" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_109.jpg" width="1808" height="1262" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>NAUGHTYCAL.</p> + +<p>“Tom, wot’s a spanker boom?”</p> + +<p>“Is yer mother a-livin’?”</p> + +<p>“Yes!”</p> + +<p>“Does she wear slippers?”</p> + +<p>“Yes!”</p> + +<p>“Well, then, you must be an awfully good feller if you +don’t know what a spanker boom is!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_109r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_109r.jpg" width="1659" height="1335" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Mother, I’ve a favor to ask of you. If you are a-goin’ to +lick me, don’t do it with a slipper; it always unmans me.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_111">111</span></p> + +<figure id="i_111" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_111.jpg" width="1812" height="1378" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“My! But your boy do be growin’, Mrs. Cafferty!”</p> + +<p>“Faith, an’ that’s thrue for yez, Mrs. Owens! He’s outgrown +all his owld clothes, an’ it’s a pair of his father’s pants he do be +wearin’, an’ by that same token I do hate to cut thim, for I don’t +think it will be long afore the boy fills thim intirely!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_111r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_111r.jpg" width="1632" height="1294" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A PLEASANT PROSPECT.</p> + +<p>“Say, pop, come out an’ down him. Jimmy Ryan said his +pa could lick mine, and I said he couldn’t, and they’re waitin’ +for you outside.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_113">113</span></p> + +<figure id="i_113" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 22em;"> + <img src="images/i_113.jpg" width="1364" height="1199" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>LOOKING FORWARD.</p> + +<p>Aunt: “Well, Tom, how do you like your new +little sister?”</p> + +<p>Tom: “Oh, she’s good enough as a kid, but +just think what a trouble she’ll be when she gets +a little older, and I’ve got to chase whistlers away +from the front stoop!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_113r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_113r.jpg" width="1636" height="1236" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>Little Jimmy Carrol (to infant brother): “Oh, just wait +till you git old enough to lick! Won’t you catch it? Mother +ain’t give me a cent since you arrived.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_115">115</span></p> + +<figure id="i_115" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_115.jpg" width="1628" height="1314" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A WORD OF ADVICE.</p> + +<p>“Knock him out wid an uppercut, Jimmy; an’ if in de excitement +of de moment yez finds yez has got ter strike below +de belt, hit so hard he’ll have spazzums an’ won’t know de +differ’nce.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_115r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_115r.jpg" width="1623" height="1024" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A DIVISION OF LABOR A CAPITAL IDEA.</p> + +<p>“I tell yer wot, Jimmy: tackle de dorg first, an’ when +you’ve laid him out go fer de feller, an’ after you’ve got +him on de groun’ wid yer foot over his mout’ ter keep him +from a-hollerin’, I’ll sneak up an’ grab de flowers wot he’s +got an’ run home wid ’em.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_117">117</span></p> + +<figure id="i_117" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 28em;"> + <img src="images/i_117.jpg" width="1790" height="1682" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>Peacemaker: “Just read that motter, an’ then go an’ make up +fren’s agin!”</p> + +<p>Hopeless: “Oh, that sayin’s good enuff to read, but yer can’t +make me berlieve that a small piece of chewin’ gum is plenty for +two, nohow!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_117r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_117r.jpg" width="1422" height="1320" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“You dassent come over on this side of the street, +so you dassent!”</p> + +<p>Voice from over the way: “Why dassent I?”</p> + +<p>Voice from barrel (in whisper): “Make it a objict +for him to come acrost: tell him you kin lick +him wid yer little finger!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_119">119</span></p> + +<figure id="i_119" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 37em;"> + <img src="images/i_119.jpg" width="2367" height="1254" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>JUST THE THING.</p> + +<p>Boy (calmly): “Say, Tilly, I want ter tell yer somethink: you’re so full o’ fight you +ought ter go ter some recruitin’ office an’ offer yer services ter the government. Uncle Sam +is just a-dyin’ ter git hold o’ such folks as you.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_121">121</span></p> + +<figure id="i_121" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_121.jpg" width="1612" height="1374" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>PRECAUTIONARY.</p> + +<p>“Who’s he, Bill?”</p> + +<p>“I dunno. I never see him afore.”</p> + +<p>“Well, let’s slug him, anyhow, or else he’ll be +puttin’ on airs.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_121r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_121r.jpg" width="1617" height="1329" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>Vendor: “You leetel girla musta move away!”</p> + +<p>Miss Casey (from de Fourt’): “Move away? You Dagos +is a puttin’ on airs, ain’t you? I may not be a millyunyair, +an’ I may not eat charlotty roosters or drink lemon phosphiks, +but I ain’t a-goin’ to let no Dago give me points wot to do, +an’ doan’t yer forgit it!” (Exits, muttering something about +“bringin’ de gang aroun’ an’ cleanin’ somebody out.”)</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_123">123</span></p> + +<figure id="i_123" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 51em;"> + <img src="images/i_123.jpg" width="3230" height="2017" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>STARS AND STRIPES.</p> + +<p>First Little Girl: “My father was fighting for three years. He carried the stars and stripes, and he’s got the flag yet.”</p> + +<p>Second Little Girl: “My father was in for fighting for six years, and he carries stripes yet. He’s got a striped suit now.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_125">125</span></p> + +<figure id="i_125" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 48em;"> + <img src="images/i_125.jpg" width="3018" height="1885" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A CLIPPING FROM DOOGAN’S “MIRROR OF FASHION.”</p> + +<p>“Madame Duffi, Corque, has opened a millinery establishment in Doogan Alley, and her door is besieged the entire +day by the bon-ton of that swell neighborhood.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_127">127</span></p> + +<figure id="i_127" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 38em;"> + <img src="images/i_127.jpg" width="2429" height="1757" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THE ENVY OF THE ALLEY.</p> + +<p class="center">An Easter hat and a bunch of violets.</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_129">129</span></p> + +<figure id="i_129" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_129.jpg" width="1644" height="1765" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>OH! THE SHAME OF IT.</p> + +<p>Polly: “See here, Feodora, it’s a no use o’ your standin’ +there wid your arms crosst like a Wenus der Milo a-puttin’ on +airs. I’ll give you a pointer: nusses has feelinks just the same +as other folks, an’ I won’t take none o’ your sass, an’ don’t +yer forgit it!”</p> + +<p>Feodora (with intense bitterness): “Nothink can’t be expected +better of no one who so far forgits herself as to take +care of Chinee h’infants.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_129r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_129r.jpg" width="1807" height="1533" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>VERY APPARENT.</p> + +<p class="center">“It’s easy to see, Hattie, that she hasn’t moved in the +best society!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_131">131</span></p> + +<figure id="i_131" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 25em;"> + <img src="images/i_131.jpg" width="1593" height="1245" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“My own cousin, an’ she didn’t reckernize me!”</p> + +<p>“Don’t mind it, Sally; wimmin isn’t accountable for what +they does when they gets a Mary de Medicine collar on for +the first time!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_131r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 19em;"> + <img src="images/i_131r.jpg" width="1203" height="1392" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Hey, Jimmy, ain’t yer a-rushin’ the season?”</p> + +<p>“Rushin’ the season? Naw! When I picked +out a suit at the clothin’ fund, it was a warm +day, an’ I wanted to look swell!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_133">133</span></p> + +<figure id="i_133" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 41em;"> + <img src="images/i_133.jpg" width="2574" height="1597" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THE DIGNITY OF POWER.</p> + +<p>Chorus: “Who is she, anyhow?”</p> + +<p>Tilly MacAllister: “She comes from Philadelphia, an’ her father’s a butcher. She wants to +get into our set, but we ain’t got no use for butchers’ daughters nor Quakers.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_135">135</span></p> + +<figure id="i_135" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 39em;"> + <img src="images/i_135.jpg" width="2447" height="1340" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A GENEROUS OFFER.</p> + +<p>“I say, mister, how’s that fer a dog-cart, eh? Jump right in an’ I’ll take yer where yer a-goin’, +an’ I won’t charge yer a cent. An’ yer’ll have the company of the lady the whole way.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_137">137</span></p> + +<figure id="i_137" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_137.jpg" width="1817" height="1444" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“It’s a wonderful sight, eh, Susanne?”</p> + +<p>“Won-der-ful!”</p> + +<p>“I dunno how it is with you wimmin folks, but it makes us men +feel awful insiggernifikint!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_137r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 22em;"> + <img src="images/i_137r.jpg" width="1404" height="1062" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>“EVEN SUPPOSING.”</p> + +<p>Bleak House Boy (to Digby, who set out to enjoy +in quietness a sand and sun bath): “Supposin’ I wuz +to tell you the entire willage is gone on a pic-nic, an’ +supposin’ I wuz to brace you for fifty cents, an’ then +supposin’ you cussed a bit an’ refused to giv’ it, wot’d +you do supposin’ I set my dog on you?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_139">139</span></p> + +<figure id="i_139" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_139.jpg" width="1813" height="1498" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A HOLIDAY DREAM.</p> + +<p>Em’ly: “Yer see I wuz carried away on a yaller cloud into a big +open blue place where there wuz nothin’ but dolls—blondes, bluenettes, +niggers, an’ Chinese; and Santa Claus took me by the hand an’ led +me up to one o’ the most beautifullest dolls I ever seen, all gold lace +an’ spangles, an’ it could talk an’ sing, too. (In rapture): Oh, it wuz +too loverly for anythink! An’ Santa Claus wuz just puttin’ it into my +hands when I woked up!”</p> + +<p>Chorus: “Oh, what a shame! Didn’t yer want ter die?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_139r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 26em;"> + <img src="images/i_139r.jpg" width="1635" height="1298" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A MOMENT OF ENVY.</p> + +<p>Boy (from Country Circus tent): “Hey fellers, run home +an’ get de money to come in even if yer have ter steal it! +It’s immense! De clown’s a-standin’ on his head an’ de baby +elephant’s a-chuckin’ a pint o’ pop corn into his ears! Don’t +yer <span class="locked">wish’ t</span> yer wuz me?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_141">141</span></p> + +<figure id="i_141" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 42em;"> + <img src="images/i_141.jpg" width="2651" height="1526" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>HER FIRST RIDE.</p> + +<p class="center">“Oh, this is heavinkly, perfectly heavinkly!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_143">143</span></p> + +<figure id="i_143" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 41em;"> + <img src="images/i_143.jpg" width="2605" height="1554" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A REGRET.</p> + +<p class="center">“Oh, Milly, what a pity it is that our folks is so healthy, an’ sich long livers!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_145">145</span></p> + +<figure id="i_145" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 44em;"> + <img src="images/i_145.jpg" width="2746" height="1898" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption">HER CONSERVATORY. + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_147">147</span></p> + +<figure id="i_147" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 32em;"> + <img src="images/i_147.jpg" width="2013" height="1150" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p class="center">“Say, miss, don’t yer want ter fight dogs?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_147r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 22em;"> + <img src="images/i_147r.jpg" width="1354" height="1730" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Say, boss, I’s got ter raise five cents for +chewin’ gum, even if I has to put me child in +hock.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_149">149</span></p> + +<figure id="i_149" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_149.jpg" width="1818" height="1435" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>TEN CENTS’ WORTH.</p> + +<p>Consuelo (reading): “The viz-count entered the apartment with a +languid h’air, and puffed his cigaroot with wiolence. ‘Air you alone?’ +he inkwired in a nongshallnot manner of the countiss. She rose from +the turkeys otterman with a diluted nostril, her eyes flashed with a fire +which almost consoomed their lids, and shakin’ her jewilled left hand in +the viz-count’s face, she gave a majestic sweep with her right foot an’ +lef’ the room.”</p> + +<p>Omnes: “My!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_149r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_149r.jpg" width="1434" height="1187" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>WHEN THE THERMOMETER IS MELTING +IN THE SHADE.</p> + +<p>“Oh! But this is bully; it’s more coolin’ than ice-cream, +an’ makes me feel better ’n pink leminade does!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_151">151</span></p> + +<figure id="i_151" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 38em;"> + <img src="images/i_151.jpg" width="2421" height="1273" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A LIFE SAVER.</p> + +<p>“Sam, will yer go out inter deep water an’ make believe yer drowdin’? I want ter try my dog.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_151r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 16em;"> + <img src="images/i_151r.jpg" width="1011" height="1255" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>Boy: “Hey, Juliet, is you a-postin’ +dat to yer Romeo?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_153">153</span></p> + +<figure id="i_153" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 38em;"> + <img src="images/i_153.jpg" width="2405" height="1412" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A BAD PART.</p> + +<p class="center">“Say, Tom, pretend yer a Spaniard, an’ let de gang play wid yer fer five minits.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_155">155</span></p> + +<figure id="i_155" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 39em;"> + <img src="images/i_155.jpg" width="2448" height="1619" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>HIS SIMPLE WISH.</p> + +<p>Jacky: “Hey, Jimmy! Wot’d yer do if yer wuz as strong as dat?”</p> + +<p>Jimmy: “Why, I’d go down ter de school an’ take de teacher atween me teet’ an’ +knock de stuffin’ out him.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_157">157</span></p> + +<figure id="i_157" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 38em;"> + <img src="images/i_157.jpg" width="2419" height="1682" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>TONY DUFFY’S ORATION.</p> + +<p>“Fellers! De gang has lost its pup! He scrapped wid a bull tarrier, an’ got it in de neck. +He wuz a torrowbred, a chim dandy; a t’ree-times winner way up to de limit. He had a head +on to him wot wuz almost hooman. I ain’t a-talkin’ troo me hat; I ain’t a-givin’ guff; I’m a-givin’ +it to yer straight—he wuz a corker. Der Wanderbilts or Asters didn’t have de plunks +ter buy dat pup—dat’s straight. He wuz way up in G—are yous wid me? His deat’ has broke +me up; don’t jolly me—not on yer life. Yous wot has lungs chip in wid a song, sunthin’ sollum,—‘Ole +Dog Tray,’ or ‘Sweet Maree,’—an’ den we’ll plant him. Fellers, I’se lost me grip; +me name is Dennis—I’m all broke up. I’ll go chase myself an’ have a game o’ craps. <span class="locked">S’ long!</span>”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_159">159</span></p> + +<figure id="i_159" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 39em;"> + <img src="images/i_159.jpg" width="2489" height="1635" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“I tell yer Sandow isn’t in it wid him. He takes de kid an’ chucks him in de air, den +he turns a han’spring an’ drinks a can o’ cold tomatter soup afore de kid reaches de groun’.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_161">161</span></p> + +<figure id="i_161" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 38em;"> + <img src="images/i_161.jpg" width="2391" height="1431" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A PRIVATE EXHIBITION.</p> + +<p>Master of Ceremonies: “De nex’ shot which me brudder de infant phenomenal will preform +is to carrum wid de ball on de bottle an’ de lamp, an’ take de chimney off de lamp +widout breakin’ of it, or puttin’ de light out. De shot is not on’y differcult, but marvelyous!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_163">163</span></p> + +<figure id="i_163" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_163.jpg" width="1445" height="1641" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS.</p> + +<p>“It’s no use talking, Ellen Jane, the young men are +not as sociable as they were when we were girls. I +haven’t had a solitary visitor this week. How to account +for it I don’t know; such a thing hasn’t happened +for years!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_163r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 28em;"> + <img src="images/i_163r.jpg" width="1773" height="1332" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>A WARNING.</p> + +<p>Boy (reading paper): “The war cloud between the States and +Italy has not dispersed as <span class="locked">yet—”</span></p> + +<p>Patriot Youth (falling on knees): “Let forrin despots tremble, +for in case of war I solemmy promise to raise a rigimint an’ lead it +merself; let mer oath be registered!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_165">165</span></p> + +<figure id="i_165" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 38em;"> + <img src="images/i_165.jpg" width="2385" height="1335" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p><span lang="la">SIC EUNT FATA HOMINUM.</span></p> + +<p>Judge (on box): “Read the charges against Vladimir Casey!”</p> + +<p>Clerk (reading): “Firstly: He is charged wid losin’ interest in de gang, an’ has been +stealin’ from de corner groceries for strange parties; An’ whereover: It has bin discover’t +dat he kin be bribed wid a lemon; An’ whereas: He has given Mag Skelly de marble heart +an’ has nearly kilt her; An’ fourthly: When de gang had a pedlar down on de sidewalk +an’ was goin’ t’rough him, he refoosed to take a han’; An’ ter conclood: He ain’t fit ter be +our capt’in no longer, an’ it is moved by de gang dat he gits it in de neck, an’ is furdermore +removed from his official office!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_167">167</span></p> + +<figure id="i_167" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 29em;"> + <img src="images/i_167.jpg" width="1821" height="1436" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>Girl: “Please, ’m, give me an’ me brudders an’ sisters suthin’?”</p> + +<p>Lady: “Why, you’re not all one family, surely?”</p> + +<p>Girl (unblushingly): “Yes, ’m, we’s all twins!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_167r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 21em;"> + <img src="images/i_167r.jpg" width="1305" height="1611" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Is your father goin’ to take in boarders this +summer?”</p> + +<p>“I guess so”; (with a wink) “he took in a +lot last year, you know.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_169">169</span></p> + +<figure id="i_169" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 24em;"> + <img src="images/i_169.jpg" width="1512" height="1139" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>Dennis (a green hand, to whom the speaking-pipe is +an unexplored mystery): “I’d give me month’s wages to +foind out how the divil the boss iver managed to shqueeze +himself into that bit iv a poipe!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_169r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_169r.jpg" width="1410" height="1122" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“Well, Tom, what sort o’ Fourth did you have?”</p> + +<p>Tom: “Are yer blind?”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_171">171</span></p> + +<figure id="i_171" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 41em;"> + <img src="images/i_171.jpg" width="2595" height="1656" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption">ALONE AT THE RAILROAD STATION.—THANKSGIVING DAY. + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_173">173</span></p> + +<figure id="i_173" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 42em;"> + <img src="images/i_173.jpg" width="2650" height="2077" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>CHRISTMAS FESTIVITIES: LIVING PICTURES AT DOOHIGAN’S HALL.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Adam and Eve in the Garden of Paradise.</i></p> + +<p class="center">Adam: Master Phelim Grogan.</p> + +<p class="center">Eve: Miss Daisy Shaughnessy.</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_175">175</span></p> + +<figure id="i_175" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 27em;"> + <img src="images/i_175.jpg" width="1684" height="2132" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.</p> + +<p class="center">“Oh, if he would only look this way!”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<figure id="i_175r" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 23em;"> + <img src="images/i_175r.jpg" width="1440" height="1717" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption">THE EMPTY STOCKING. + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_177">177</span></p> + +<figure id="i_177" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 33em;"> + <img src="images/i_177.jpg" width="2055" height="2592" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption">HOPE. + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_179">179</span></p> + +<figure id="i_179" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 32em;"> + <img src="images/i_179.jpg" width="2054" height="2882" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p></p> + +<p>“If yer please, mum, Santa Claus can’t get into our room ’cause they +ain’t no chimley, an’ I want ter know if yer won’t hang up this stockin’ +when yer a-hangin’ up the children’s, an’ I’ll call in the mornin’ fer it.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_181">181</span></p> + +<figure id="i_181" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 33em;"> + <img src="images/i_181.jpg" width="2050" height="2165" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>ST. VALENTINE’S DAY AT THE “BEND.”</p> + +<p class="center">Tom (to Alice): “If he knew he had that pinned to him he’d be wild.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_183">183</span></p> + +<figure id="i_183" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 41em;"> + <img src="images/i_183.jpg" width="2585" height="2035" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption"><p>THE FINAL REHEARSAL.—THE SUPREME MOMENT.</p> + +<p>Author and Stage Manager (to Orchestra): “When de lady says, ‘Lord Ashleigh Baxter, I am +a orfun, but I never kin be yourn,’ an’ he says, ‘Ha, ha, ha, you are alone beneat’ my roof an’ unpurtected,’—I +want you to rattle off some music wot’ll giv’ Biddy, de fait’ful servant, lots o’ time to +rush in an’ t’row Baxter to de groun’.”</p> + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div class="chapter section"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_185">185</span></p> + +<figure id="i_185" class="figcenter" style="max-width: 45em;"> + <img src="images/i_185.jpg" width="2843" height="1766" alt=""> + <figcaption class="caption">THE WORLD BEFORE HER. + </figcaption> +</figure> +<div> </div> +</div> + +<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75295 ***</div> +</body> +</html> + |