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| author | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-01-24 18:21:16 -0800 |
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| committer | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-01-24 18:21:16 -0800 |
| commit | 5cd80e4419a08abb6ed64a9e5890e7fa2bdf3b45 (patch) | |
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diff --git a/75201-h/75201-h.htm b/75201-h/75201-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b9a3b41 --- /dev/null +++ b/75201-h/75201-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,15242 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" /> + <title>A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway</title> + <style type="text/css"> + body { margin-left:8%;margin-right:10%; } + .it { font-style:italic; } + .bold { font-weight:bold; } + .sc { font-variant:small-caps; } + p { text-indent:0; margin-top:0.5em; margin-bottom:0.5em; + text-align: justify; } + div.lgc { } + div.lgl { } + div.lgc p { text-align:center; text-indent:0; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; } + div.lgl p { text-indent: -17px; margin-left:17px; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; } + div.lgp { + display:inline-block; + text-align: left; + } + + div.lgp p { + text-align:left; 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border-bottom:1px solid white; width:30%; margin-top:.5em; margin-bottom:.5em; text-align:center; margin-left:35%; margin-right:35% } + hr.tbk118{ border:none; border-bottom:1px solid white; width:30%; margin-top:.5em; margin-bottom:.5em; text-align:center; margin-left:35%; margin-right:35% } + hr.tbk119{ border:none; border-bottom:1px solid white; width:30%; margin-top:.5em; margin-bottom:.5em; text-align:center; margin-left:35%; margin-right:35% } + hr.tbk120{ border:none; border-bottom:1px solid white; width:30%; margin-top:.5em; margin-bottom:.5em; text-align:center; margin-left:35%; margin-right:35% } + hr.pbk { border:none; border-bottom:1px solid silver; width:100%; margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:2em } + .figcenter { + text-align:center; + margin:1em auto; + page-break-inside: avoid; + } + + p.line { text-indent:0; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; } + div.lgp p.line0 { text-indent:-3em; margin:0 auto 0 3em; } + .pindent { margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:1.5em; } + .noindent { margin-top:0; margin-bottom:0; text-indent:0; } + .hang { padding-left:1.5em; text-indent:-1.5em; } + .literal-container { text-align:center; margin:0 0; } + .literal { display:inline-block; text-align:left; } + </style> + <style type="text/css"> + h1 { font-size:1em; text-align:center; font-style:italic; padding-top:10em; padding-bottom:10em; } + h2 { font-size:1em; text-align:center; padding-top:4em; } + .poetry-container { font-size:.9em; + margin-top:.5em; margin-bottom:.5em; + margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; } + .literal-container { margin-top:.5em; margin-bottom:.5em } + div.lgc { margin-top:.5em; margin-bottom:.5em } + p { margin-top: 0em; margin-bottom: 0em; } + body { font-size:100%; } + </style> + </head> + <body> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75201 ***</div> +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<div class='figcenter'> +<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0000' style='width:380px;height:auto;'/> +</div> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<p class='line0' style='text-align:center;margin-top:10em;font-size:1em;'>BOOKS BY ERNEST HEMINGWAY</p> + +<hr class='tbk100'/> + +<div class='literal-container' style=''><div class='literal'> <!-- rend=';fs:.8em;' --> +<p class='line0' style='font-size:.8em;'>A FAREWELL TO ARMS</p> +<p class='line0' style='font-size:.8em;'>MEN WITHOUT WOMEN</p> +<p class='line0' style='font-size:.8em;'>THE SUN ALSO RISES</p> +<p class='line0' style='font-size:.8em;'>THE TORRENTS OF SPRING</p> +<p class='line0' style='margin-bottom:15em;font-size:.8em;'>IN OUR TIME</p> +</div></div> <!-- end rend --> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<p class='line0' style='text-align:center;margin-top:15em;margin-bottom:15em;font-size:1.2em;'>A FAREWELL TO ARMS</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<div class='lgc' style=''> <!-- rend=';' --> +<p class='line0' style='margin-top:2em;margin-bottom:3em;font-size:2em;'>A FAREWELL TO ARMS</p> +<p class='line'> </p> +<p class='line0' style='font-size:.8em;'>By</p> +<p class='line0'>ERNEST HEMINGWAY</p> +<p class='line'> </p> +<p class='line0' style='margin-top:12em;'>NEW YORK</p> +<p class='line0' style='margin-top:.3em;margin-bottom:.3em;'>CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS</p> +<p class='line0' style='margin-bottom:2em;font-size:.9em;'>1929</p> +</div> <!-- end rend --> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<div class='lgc' style='margin-top:10em;'> <!-- rend=';fs:.7em;' --> +<p class='line0' style='font-size:.7em;'><span class='sc'>Copyright, 1929, by</span></p> +<p class='line0' style='font-size:.7em;'>CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS</p> +<p class='line'> </p> +<p class='line0' style='margin-bottom:10em;font-size:.7em;'>Printed in the United States of America</p> +<p class='line'> </p> +<div class='figcenter'> +<img src='images/verso.jpg' alt='' id='iid-0001' style='width:100px;height:auto;'/> +</div> +<p class='line'> </p> +</div> <!-- end rend --> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<p class='line0' style='text-align:center;margin-top:15em;margin-bottom:.3em;font-size:.8em;'>TO</p> +<p class='line0' style='text-align:center;margin-bottom:15em;font-size:.8em;'>G. A. PFEIFFER</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<div><h1>BOOK 1</h1></div> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER I</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>In the late summer of that year we lived in a house +in a village that looked across the river and the plain to +the mountains. In the bed of the river there were pebbles +and boulders, dry and white in the sun, and the +water was clear and swiftly moving and blue in the +channels. Troops went by the house and down the road +and the dust they raised powdered the leaves of the +trees. The trunks of the trees too were dusty and the +leaves fell early that year and we saw the troops marching +along the road and the dust rising and leaves, stirred +by the breeze, falling and the soldiers marching and +afterward the road bare and white except for the leaves.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The plain was rich with crops; there were many +orchards of fruit trees and beyond the plain the mountains +were brown and bare. There was fighting in the +mountains and at night we could see the flashes from +the artillery. In the dark it was like summer lightning, +but the nights were cool and there was not the feeling +of a storm coming.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Sometimes in the dark we heard the troops marching +under the window and guns going past pulled by motor-tractors. +There was much traffic at night and many +mules on the roads with boxes of ammunition on each +side of their pack-saddles and gray motor-trucks that +carried men, and other trucks with loads covered with +canvas that moved slower in the traffic. There were big +guns too that passed in the day drawn by tractors, the +long barrels of the guns covered with green branches +and green leafy branches and vines laid over the tractors. +To the north we could look across a valley and see +a forest of chestnut trees and behind it another mountain +on this side of the river. There was fighting for +that mountain too, but it was not successful, and in the +fall when the rains came the leaves all fell from the +chestnut trees and the branches were bare and the trunks +black with rain. The vineyards were thin and bare-branched +too and all the country wet and brown and +dead with the autumn. There were mists over the river +and clouds on the mountain and the trucks splashed +mud on the road and the troops were muddy and wet +in their capes; their rifles were wet and under their +capes the two leather cartridge-boxes on the front of +the belts, gray leather boxes heavy with the packs of +clips of thin, long 6.5 mm. cartridges, bulged forward +under the capes so that the men, passing on the road, +marched as though they were six months gone with +child.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>There were small gray motor-cars that passed going +very fast; usually there was an officer on the seat with +the driver and more officers in the back seat. They +splashed more mud than the camions even and if one of +the officers in the back was very small and sitting between +two generals, he himself so small that you could +not see his face but only the top of his cap and his narrow +back, and if the car went especially fast it was +probably the King. He lived in Udine and came out in +this way nearly every day to see how things were going, +and things went very badly.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>At the start of the winter came the permanent rain +and with the rain came the cholera. But it was checked +and in the end only seven thousand died of it in the +army.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER II</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>The next year there were many victories. The +mountain that was beyond the valley and the hillside +where the chestnut forest grew was captured and there +were victories beyond the plain on the plateau to the +south and we crossed the river in August and lived in a +house in Gorizia that had a fountain and many thick +shady trees in a walled garden and a wistaria vine +purple on the side of the house. Now the fighting was +in the next mountains beyond and was not a mile away. +The town was very nice and our house was very fine. +The river ran behind us and the town had been captured +very handsomely but the mountains beyond it +could not be taken and I was very glad the Austrians +seemed to want to come back to the town some time, if +the war should end, because they did not bombard it to +destroy it but only a little in a military way. People +lived on in it and there were hospitals and cafés and +artillery up side streets and two bawdy houses, one for +troops and one for officers, and with the end of the +summer, the cool nights, the fighting in the mountains +beyond the town, the shell-marked iron of the railway +bridge, the smashed tunnel by the river where the fighting +had been, the trees around the square and the long +avenue of trees that led to the square; these with there +being girls in the town, the King passing in his motor +car, sometimes now seeing his face and little long +necked body and gray beard like a goat’s chin tuft; all +these with the sudden interiors of houses that had lost a +wall through shelling, with plaster and rubble in their +gardens and sometimes in the street, and the whole thing +going well on the Carso made the fall very different +from the last fall when we had been in the country. +The war was changed too.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The forest of oak trees on the mountain beyond the +town was gone. The forest had been green in the +summer when we had come into the town but now there +were the stumps and the broken trunks and the ground +torn up, and one day at the end of the fall when I was +out where the oak forest had been I saw a cloud coming +over the mountain. It came very fast and the sun +went a dull yellow and then everything was gray and +the sky was covered and the cloud came on down the +mountain and suddenly we were in it and it was snow. +The snow slanted across the wind, the bare ground was +covered, the stumps of trees projected, there was snow +on the guns and there were paths in the snow going +back to the latrines behind trenches.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Later, below in the town, I watched the snow falling, +looking out of the window of the bawdy house, the +house for officers, where I sat with a friend and two +glasses drinking a bottle of Asti, and, looking out at the +snow falling slowly and heavily, we knew it was all +over for that year. Up the river the mountains had not +been taken; none of the mountains beyond the river had +been taken. That was all left for next year. My friend +saw the priest from our mess going by in the street, +walking carefully in the slush, and pounded on the window +to attract his attention. The priest looked up. He +saw us and smiled. My friend motioned for him to +come in. The priest shook his head and went on. That +night in the mess after the spaghetti course, which +every one ate very quickly and seriously, lifting the +spaghetti on the fork until the loose strands hung clear +then lowering it into the mouth, or else using a continuous +lift and sucking into the mouth, helping ourselves +to wine from the grass-covered gallon flask; it +swung in a metal cradle and you pulled the neck of the +flask down with the forefinger and the wine, clear red, +tannic and lovely, poured out into the glass held with +the same hand; after this course, the captain commenced +picking on the priest.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The priest was young and blushed easily and wore a +uniform like the rest of us but with a cross in dark +red velvet above the left breast pocket of his gray +tunic. The captain spoke pidgin Italian for my doubtful +benefit, in order that I might understand perfectly, +that nothing should be lost.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Priest to-day with girls,” the captain said looking at +the priest and at me. The priest smiled and blushed and +shook his head. This captain baited him often.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not true?” asked the captain. “To-day I see priest +with girls.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” said the priest. The other officers were +amused at the baiting.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Priest not with girls,” went on the captain. “Priest +never with girls,” he explained to me. He took my +glass and filled it, looking at my eyes all the time, but +not losing sight of the priest.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Priest every night five against one.” Every one at +the table laughed. “You understand? Priest every night +five against one.” He made a gesture and laughed +loudly. The priest accepted it as a joke.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Pope wants the Austrians to win the war,” the +major said. “He loves Franz Joseph. That’s where +the money comes from. I am an atheist.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you ever read the ‘Black Pig’?” asked the lieutenant. +“I will get you a copy. It was that which +shook my faith.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is a filthy and vile book,” said the priest. “You +do not really like it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is very valuable,” said the lieutenant. “It tells you +about those priests. You will like it,” he said to me. I +smiled at the priest and he smiled back across the candle-light. +“Don’t you read it,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will get it for you,” said the lieutenant.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All thinking men are atheists,” the major said. “I +do not believe in the Free Masons however.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I believe in the Free Masons,” the lieutenant said. +“It is a noble organization.” Some one came in and +as the door opened I could see the snow falling.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There will be no more offensive now that the snow +has come,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Certainly not,” said the major. “You should go on +leave. You should go to Rome, Naples, Sicily——”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He should visit Amalfi,” said the lieutenant “I +will write you cards to my family in Amalfi. They will +love you like a son.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He should go to Palermo.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He ought to go to Capri.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I would like you to see Abruzzi and visit my family +at Capracotta,” said the priest.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Listen to him talk about the Abruzzi. There’s more +snow there than here. He doesn’t want to see peasants. +Let him go to centres of culture and civilization.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He should have fine girls. I will give you the addresses +of places in Naples. Beautiful young girls—accompanied +by their mothers. Ha! Ha! Ha!” The captain +spread his hand open, the thumb up and fingers +outspread as when you make shadow pictures. There +was a shadow from his hand on the wall. He spoke +again in pidgin Italian. “You go away like this,” he +pointed to the thumb, “and come back like this,” he +touched the little finger. Every one laughed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Look,” said the captain. He spread the hand again. +Again the candle-light made its shadows on the wall. +He started with the upright thumb and named in their +order the thumb and four fingers, “soto-tenente (the +thumb), tenente (first finger), capitano (next finger), +maggiore (next to the little finger), and tenente-colonello +(the little finger). You go away soto-tenente! +You come back soto-colonello!” They all laughed. The +captain was having a great success with finger games. +He looked at the priest and shouted, “Every night +priest five against one!” They all laughed again.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You must go on leave at once,” the major said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I would like to go with you and show you things,” +the lieutenant said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When you come back bring a phonograph.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bring good opera disks.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bring Caruso.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t bring Caruso. He bellows.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you wish you could bellow like him?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He bellows. I say he bellows!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I would like you to go to Abruzzi,” the priest said. +The others were shouting. “There is good hunting. +You would like the people and though it is cold it is +clear and dry. You could stay with my family. My +father is a famous hunter.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on,” said the captain. “We go whorehouse before +it shuts.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night,” I said to the priest.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night,” he said.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER III</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>When I came back to the front we still lived in that +town. There were many more guns in the country +around and the spring had come. The fields were green +and there were small green shoots on the vines, the trees +along the road had small leaves and a breeze came from +the sea. I saw the town with the hill and the old castle +above it in a cup in the hills with the mountains beyond, +brown mountains with a little green on their slopes. In +the town there were more guns, there were some new +hospitals, you met British men and sometimes women, +on the street, and a few more houses had been hit by +shell fire. It was warm and like the spring and I +walked down the alleyway of trees, warmed from the +sun on the wall, and found we still lived in the same +house and that it all looked the same as when I had left +it. The door was open, there was a soldier sitting on a +bench outside in the sun, an ambulance was waiting by +the side door and inside the door, as I went in, there +was the smell of marble floors and hospital. It was all +as I had left it except that now it was spring. I looked +in the door of the big room and saw the major sitting +at his desk, the window open and the sunlight coming +into the room. He did not see me and I did not know +whether to go in and report or go upstairs first and +clean up. I decided to go on upstairs.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The room I shared with the lieutenant Rinaldi looked +out on the courtyard. The window was open, my bed +was made up with blankets and my things hung on the +wall, the gas mask in an oblong tin can, the steel helmet +on the same peg. At the foot of the bed was my flat +trunk, and my winter boots, the leather shiny with oil, +were on the trunk. My Austrian sniper’s rifle with its +blued octagon barrel and the lovely dark walnut, cheek-fitted, +<span class='it'>schutzen</span> stock, hung over the two beds. The +telescope that fitted it was, I remembered, locked in the +trunk. The lieutenant, Rinaldi, lay asleep on the other +bed. He woke when he heard me in the room and sat +up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ciaou!” he said. “What kind of time did you +have?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Magnificent.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We shook hands and he put his arm around my neck +and kissed me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oughf,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re dirty,” he said. “You ought to wash. +Where did you go and what did you do? Tell me everything +at once.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I went everywhere. Milan, Florence, Rome, Naples, +Villa San Giovanni, Messina, Taormina——”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You talk like a time-table. Did you have any beautiful +adventures?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Milano, Firenze, Roma, Napoli——”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s enough. Tell me really what was the best.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In Milano.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was because it was first. Where did you meet +her? In the Cova? Where did you go? How did you +feel? Tell me everything at once. Did you stay all +night?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s nothing. Here now we have beautiful girls. +New girls never been to the front before.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wonderful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t believe me? We will go now this afternoon +and see. And in the town we have beautiful +English girls. I am now in love with Miss Barkley. +I will take you to call. I will probably marry Miss +Barkley.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have to get washed and report. Doesn’t anybody +work now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Since you are gone we have nothing but frostbites, +chilblains, jaundice, gonorrhea, self-inflicted wounds, +pneumonia and hard and soft chancres. Every week +some one gets wounded by rock fragments. There are +a few real wounded. Next week the war starts again. +Perhaps it starts again. They say so. Do you think I +would do right to marry Miss Barkley—after the war +of course?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Absolutely,” I said and poured the basin full of +water.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To-night you will tell me everything,” said Rinaldi. +“Now I must go back to sleep to be fresh and beautiful +for Miss Barkley.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I took off my tunic and shirt and washed in the cold +water in the basin. While I rubbed myself with a towel +I looked around the room and out the window and at +Rinaldi lying with his eyes closed on the bed. He was +good-looking, was my age, and he came from Amalfi. +He loved being a surgeon and we were great friends. +While I was looking at him he opened his eyes.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you any money?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Loan me fifty lire.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I dried my hands and took out my pocket-book from +the inside of my tunic hanging on the wall. Rinaldi +took the note, folded it without rising from the bed and +slid it in his breeches pocket. He smiled, “I must make +on Miss Barkley the impression of a man of sufficient +wealth. You are my great and good friend and financial +protector.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go to hell,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>That night at the mess I sat next to the priest and he +was disappointed and suddenly hurt that I had not gone +to the Abruzzi. He had written to his father that I was +coming and they had made preparations. I myself felt +as badly as he did and could not understand why I had +not gone. It was what I had wanted to do and I tried +to explain how one thing had led to another and finally +he saw it and understood that I had really wanted to go +and it was almost all right. I had drunk much wine +and afterward coffee and Strega and I explained, winefully, +how we did not do the things we wanted to do; +we never did such things.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We two were talking while the others argued. I had +wanted to go to Abruzzi. I had gone to no place where +the roads were frozen and hard as iron, where it was +clear cold and dry and the snow was dry and powdery +and hare-tracks in the snow and the peasants took off +their hats and called you Lord and there was good hunting. +I had gone to no such place but to the smoke of +cafés and nights when the room whirled and you needed +to look at the wall to make it stop, nights in bed, drunk, +when you knew that that was all there was, and the +strange excitement of waking and not knowing who it +was with you, and the world all unreal in the dark and +so exciting that you must resume again unknowing and +not caring in the night, sure that this was all and all +and all and not caring. Suddenly to care very much +and to sleep to wake with it sometimes morning and all +that had been there gone and everything sharp and hard +and clear and sometimes a dispute about the cost. +Sometimes still pleasant and fond and warm and breakfast +and lunch. Sometimes all niceness gone and glad +to get out on the street but always another day starting +and then another night. I tried to tell about the night +and the difference between the night and the day and +how the night was better unless the day was very clean +and cold and I could not tell it; as I cannot tell it now. +But if you have had it you know. He had not had it +but he understood that I had really wanted to go to the +Abruzzi but had not gone and we were still friends, +with many tastes alike, but with the difference between +us. He had always known what I did not know and +what, when I learned it, I was always able to forget. +But I did not know that then, although I learned it later. +In the meantime we were all at the mess, the meal was +finished, and the argument went on. We two stopped +talking and the captain shouted, “Priest not happy. +Priest not happy without girls.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am happy,” said the priest.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Priest not happy. Priest wants Austrians to win +the war,” the captain said. The others listened. The +priest shook his head.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Priest wants us never to attack. Don’t you want us +never to attack?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. If there is a war I suppose we must attack.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Must attack. Shall attack!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The priest nodded.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Leave him alone,” the major said. “He’s all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He can’t do anything about it anyway,” the captain +said. We all got up and left the table.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER IV</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>The battery in the next garden woke me in the +morning and I saw the sun coming through the window +and got out of the bed. I went to the window and +looked out. The gravel paths were moist and the grass +was wet with dew. The battery fired twice and the +air came each time like a blow and shook the window +and made the front of my pajamas flap. I could not see +the guns but they were evidently firing directly over us. +It was a nuisance to have them there but it was a comfort +that they were no bigger. As I looked out at the +garden I heard a motor truck starting on the road. I +dressed, went downstairs, had some coffee in the kitchen +and went out to the garage.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Ten cars were lined up side by side under the long +shed. They were top-heavy, blunt-nosed ambulances, +painted gray and built like moving-vans. The mechanics +were working on one out in the yard. Three others +were up in the mountains at dressing stations.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do they ever shell that battery?” I asked one of the +mechanics.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, Signor Tenente. It is protected by the little +hill.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How’s everything?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not so bad. This machine is no good but the others +march.” He stopped working and smiled. “Were you +on permission?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He wiped his hands on his jumper and grinned. +“You have a good time?” The others all grinned too.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine,” I said. “What’s the matter with this machine?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s no good. One thing after another.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“New rings.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I left them working, the car looking disgraced and +empty with the engine open and parts spread on the +work bench, and went in under the shed and looked at +each of the cars. They were moderately clean, a few +freshly washed, the others dusty. I looked at the tires +carefully, looking for cuts or stone bruises. Everything +seemed in good condition. It evidently made no +difference whether I was there to look after things or +not. I had imagined that the condition of the cars, +whether or not things were obtainable, the smooth functioning +of the business of removing wounded and sick +from the dressing stations, hauling them back from the +mountains to the clearing station and then distributing +them to the hospitals named on their papers, depended +to a considerable extent on myself. Evidently it did +not matter whether I was there or not.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Has there been any trouble getting parts?” I asked +the sergeant mechanic.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, Signor Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where is the gasoline park now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“At the same place.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good,” I said and went back to the house and +drank another bowl of coffee at the mess table. The +coffee was a pale gray and sweet with condensed milk. +Outside the window it was a lovely spring morning. +There was that beginning of a feeling of dryness in the +nose that meant the day would be hot later on. That +day I visited the posts in the mountains and was back +in town late in the afternoon.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The whole thing seemed to run better while I was +away. The offensive was going to start again I heard. +The division for which we worked were to attack at a +place up the river and the major told me that I would see +about the posts for during the attack. The attack would +cross the river up above the narrow gorge and spread +up the hillside. The posts for the cars would have to +be as near the river as they could get and keep covered. +They would, of course, be selected by the infantry but +we were supposed to work it out. It was one of those +things that gave you a false feeling of soldiering.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I was very dusty and dirty and went up to my room +to wash. Rinaldi was sitting on the bed with a copy +of Hugo’s English grammar. He was dressed, wore +his black boots, and his hair shone.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Splendid,” he said when he saw me. “You will +come with me to see Miss Barkley.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. You will please come and make me a good impression +on her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. Wait till I get cleaned up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wash up and come as you are.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I washed, brushed my hair and we started.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wait a minute,” Rinaldi said. “Perhaps we should +have a drink.” He opened his trunk and took out a +bottle.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not Strega,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Grappa.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He poured two glasses and we touched them, first +fingers extended. The grappa was very strong.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Another?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said. We drank the second grappa, +Rinaldi put away the bottle and we went down the +stairs. It was hot walking through the town but the sun +was starting to go down and it was very pleasant. The +British hospital was a big villa built by Germans before +the war. Miss Barkley was in the garden. Another +nurse was with her. We saw their white uniforms +through the trees and walked toward them. Rinaldi +saluted. I saluted too but more moderately.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you do?” Miss Barkley said. “You’re not +an Italian, are you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, no.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Rinaldi was talking with the other nurse. They were +laughing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What an odd thing—to be in the Italian army.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not really the army. It’s only the ambulance.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s very odd though. Why did you do it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know,” I said. “There isn’t always an explanation +for everything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, isn’t there? I was brought up to think there +was.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s awfully nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“<span class='it'>Do</span> we have to go on and talk this way?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s a relief. Isn’t it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is the stick?” I asked. Miss Barkley was +quite tall. She wore what seemed to me to be a nurse’s +uniform, was blonde and had a tawny skin and gray +eyes. I thought she was very beautiful. She was carrying +a thin rattan stick like a toy riding-crop, bound in +leather.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It belonged to a boy who was killed last year.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m awfully sorry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He was a very nice boy. He was going to marry +me and he was killed in the Somme.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was a ghastly show.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Were you there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve heard about it,” she said. “There’s not really +any war of that sort down here. They sent me the little +stick. His mother sent it to me. They returned it with +his things.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Had you been engaged long?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Eight years. We grew up together.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And why didn’t you marry?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know,” she said. “I was a fool not to. I +could have given him that anyway. But I thought it +would be bad for him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I see.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you ever loved any one?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We sat down on a bench and I looked at her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have beautiful hair,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you like it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Very much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I was going to cut it all off when he died.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wanted to do something for him. You see I +didn’t care about the other thing and he could have had +it all. He could have had anything he wanted if I +would have known. I would have married him or anything. +I know all about it now. But then he wanted to +go to war and I didn’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I did not say anything.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I didn’t know about anything then. I thought it +would be worse for him. I thought perhaps he couldn’t +stand it and then of course he was killed and that was +the end of it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, yes,” she said. “That’s the end of it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We looked at Rinaldi talking with the other nurse.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is her name?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ferguson. Helen Ferguson. Your friend is a doctor, +isn’t he?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. He’s very good.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s splendid. You rarely find any one any good +this close to the front. This is close to the front, isn’t +it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Quite.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a silly front,” she said. “But it’s very beautiful. +Are they going to have an offensive?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then we’ll have to work. There’s no work now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you done nursing long?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Since the end of ’fifteen. I started when he did. I +remember having a silly idea he might come to the +hospital where I was. With a sabre cut, I suppose, and a +bandage around his head. Or shot through the shoulder. +Something picturesque.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is the picturesque front,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” she said. “People can’t realize what France is +like. If they did, it couldn’t all go on. He didn’t have +a sabre cut. They blew him all to bits.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I didn’t say anything.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you suppose it will always go on?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s to stop it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It will crack somewhere.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll crack. We’ll crack in France. They can’t go +on doing things like the Somme and not crack.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They won’t crack here,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You think not?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. They did very well last summer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They may crack,” she said. “Anybody may crack.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Germans too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” she said. “I think not.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went over toward Rinaldi and Miss Ferguson.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You love Italy?” Rinaldi asked Miss Ferguson in +English.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Quite well.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No understand,” Rinaldi shook his head.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Abbastanza bene,” I translated. He shook his head.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That is not good. You love England?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not too well. I’m Scotch, you see.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Rinaldi looked at me blankly.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She’s Scotch, so she loves Scotland better than England,” +I said in Italian.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But Scotland is England.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I translated this for Miss Ferguson.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Pas encore,” said Miss Ferguson.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not really?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Never. We do not like the English.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not like the English? Not like Miss Barkley?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, that’s different. You mustn’t take everything +so literally.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>After a while we said good-night and left. Walking +home Rinaldi said, “Miss Barkley prefers you to me. +That is very clear. But the little Scotch one is very +nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Very,” I said. I had not noticed her. “You like +her?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” said Rinaldi.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER V</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>The next afternoon I went to call on Miss Barkley +again. She was not in the garden and I went to the +side door of the villa where the ambulances drove up. +Inside I saw the head nurse, who said Miss Barkley was +on duty—“there’s a war on, you know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I said I knew.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re the American in the Italian army?” she +asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, ma’am.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How did you happen to do that? Why didn’t you +join up with us?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know,” I said. “Could I join now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m afraid not now. Tell me. Why did you join up +with the Italians?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I was in Italy,” I said, “and I spoke Italian.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh,” she said. “I’m learning it. It’s a beautiful +language.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Somebody said you should be able to learn it in two +weeks.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, I’ll not learn it in two weeks. I’ve studied it for +months now. You may come and see her after seven +o’clock if you wish. She’ll be off then. But don’t +bring a lot of Italians.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not even for the beautiful language?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Nor for the beautiful uniforms.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-evening,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A rivederci, Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A rivederla.” I saluted and went out. It was impossible +to salute foreigners as an Italian, without embarrassment. +The Italian salute never seemed made for +export.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The day had been hot. I had been up the river to the +bridgehead at Plava. It was there that the offensive +was to begin. It had been impossible to advance on the +far side the year before because there was only one road +leading down from the pass to the pontoon bridge and it +was under machine-gun and shell fire for nearly a mile. +It was not wide enough either to carry all the transport +for an offensive and the Austrians could make a +shambles out of it. But the Italians had crossed and +spread out a little way on the far side to hold about a +mile and a half on the Austrian side of the river. It +was a nasty place and the Austrians should not have let +them hold it. I suppose it was mutual tolerance because +the Austrians still kept a bridgehead further down the +river. The Austrian trenches were above on the hillside +only a few yards from the Italian lines. There had been +a little town but it was all rubble. There was what was +left of a railway station and a smashed permanent +bridge that could not be repaired and used because it +was in plain sight.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went along the narrow road down toward the river, +left the car at the dressing station under the hill, +crossed the pontoon bridge, which was protected by +a shoulder of the mountain, and went through the +trenches in the smashed-down town and along the edge +of the slope. Everybody was in the dugouts. There +were racks of rockets standing to be touched off to call +for help from the artillery or to signal with if the telephone +wires were cut. It was quiet, hot and dirty. I +looked across the wire at the Austrian lines. Nobody +was in sight. I had a drink with a captain that I knew +in one of the dugouts and went back across the bridge.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>A new wide road was being finished that would go +over the mountain and zig-zag down to the bridge. +When this road was finished the offensive would start. +It came down through the forest in sharp turns. The +system was to bring everything down the new road and +take the empty trucks, carts and loaded ambulances and +all returning traffic up the old narrow road. The dressing +station was on the Austrian side of the river under +the edge of the hill and stretcher-bearers would bring +the wounded back across the pontoon bridge. It would +be the same when the offensive started. As far as I +could make out the last mile or so of the new road +where it started to level out would be able to be shelled +steadily by the Austrians. It looked as though it might +be a mess. But I found a place where the cars would +be sheltered after they had passed that last bad-looking +bit and could wait for the wounded to be brought across +the pontoon bridge. I would have liked to drive over +the new road but it was not yet finished. It looked wide +and well made with a good grade and the turns looked +very impressive where you could see them through +openings in the forest on the mountain side. The cars +would be all right with their good metal-to-metal +brakes and anyway, coming down, they would not be +loaded. I drove back up the narrow road.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Two carabinieri held the car up. A shell had fallen +and while we waited three others fell up the road. They +were seventy-sevens and came with a whishing rush +of air, a hard bright burst and flash and then gray smoke +that blew across the road. The carabinieri waved us to +go on. Passing where the shells had landed I avoided +the small broken places and smelled the high explosive +and the smell of blasted clay and stone and freshly +shattered flint. I drove back to Gorizia and our villa +and, as I said, went to call on Miss Barkley, who was on +duty.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>At dinner I ate very quickly and left for the villa +where the British had their hospital. It was really very +large and beautiful and there were fine trees in the +grounds. Miss Barkley was sitting on a bench in the +garden. Miss Ferguson was with her. They seemed +glad to see me and in a little while Miss Ferguson +excused herself and went away.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll leave you two,” she said. “You get along very +well without me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t go, Helen,” Miss Barkley said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d really rather. I must write some letters.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night, Mr. Henry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t write anything that will bother the censor.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t worry. I only write about what a beautiful +place we live in and how brave the Italians are.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That way you’ll be decorated.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That will be nice. Good-night, Catherine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll see you in a little while,” Miss Barkley said. +Miss Ferguson walked away in the dark.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She’s nice,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, yes, she’s very nice. She’s a nurse.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Aren’t you a nurse?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, no. I’m something called a V. A. D. We work +very hard but no one trusts us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why not?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They don’t trust us when there’s nothing going +on. When there is really work they trust us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is the difference?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A nurse is like a doctor. It takes a long time to +be. A V. A. D. is a short cut.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I see.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Italians didn’t want women so near the front. +So we’re all on very special behavior. We don’t go +out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can come here though.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, yes. We’re not cloistered.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s drop the war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s very hard. There’s no place to drop it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s drop it anyway.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We looked at each other in the dark. I thought she +was very beautiful and I took her hand. She let me +take it and I held it and put my arm around under her +arm.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” she said. I kept my arm where it was.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why not?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said. “Please.” I leaned forward in the +dark to kiss her and there was a sharp stinging flash. +She had slapped my face hard. Her hand had hit my +nose and eyes, and tears came in my eyes from the +reflex.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m so sorry,” she said. I felt I had a certain advantage.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You were quite right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m dreadfully sorry,” she said. “I just couldn’t +stand the nurse’s-evening-off aspect of it. I didn’t mean +to hurt you. I did hurt you, didn’t I?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She was looking at me in the dark. I was angry and +yet certain, seeing it all ahead like the moves in a chess +game.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You did exactly right,” I said. “I don’t mind at +all.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Poor man.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see I’ve been leading a sort of a funny life. +And I never even talk English. And then you are so +very beautiful.” I looked at her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t need to say a lot of nonsense. I said I +was sorry. We do get along.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said. “And we have gotten away from the +war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She laughed. It was the first time I had ever heard +her laugh. I watched her face.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are sweet,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, I’m not.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. You are a dear. I’d be glad to kiss you if +you don’t mind.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I looked in her eyes and put my arm around her as I +had before and kissed her. I kissed her hard and held +her tight and tried to open her lips; they were closed +tight. I was still angry and as I held her suddenly she +shivered. I held her close against me and could feel +her heart beating and her lips opened and her head +went back against my hand and then she was crying +on my shoulder.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, darling,” she said. “You will be good to me, +won’t you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>What the hell, I thought. I stroked her hair and +patted her shoulder. She was crying.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You will, won’t you?” She looked up at me. “Because +we’re going to have a strange life.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>After a while I walked with her to the door of the +villa and she went in and I walked home. Back at the +villa I went upstairs to the room. Rinaldi was lying +on his bed. He looked at me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So you make progress with Miss Barkley?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We are friends.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have that pleasant air of a dog in heat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I did not understand the word.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of a what?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He explained.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You,” I said, “have that pleasant air of a dog +who—”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Stop it,” he said. “In a little while we would say +insulting things.” He laughed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night, little puppy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I knocked over his candle with the pillow and got +into bed in the dark.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Rinaldi picked up the candle, lit it and went on +reading.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER VI</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>I was away for two days at the posts. When I got +home it was too late and I did not see Miss Barkley +until the next evening. She was not in the garden and +I had to wait in the office of the hospital until she came +down. There were many marble busts on painted +wooden pillars along the walls of the room they used +for an office. The hall too, that the office opened on, +was lined with them. They had the complete marble +quality of all looking alike. Sculpture had always +seemed a dull business—still, bronzes looked like something. +But marble busts all looked like a cemetery. +There was one fine cemetery though—the one at Pisa. +Genoa was the place to see the bad marbles. This had +been the villa of a very wealthy German and the busts +must have cost him plenty. I wondered who had done +them and how much he got. I tried to make out +whether they were members of the family or what; but +they were all uniformly classical. You could not tell +anything about them.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I sat on a chair and held my cap. We were supposed +to wear steel helmets even in Gorizia but they were uncomfortable +and too bloody theatrical in a town where +the civilian inhabitants had not been evacuated. I wore +one when we went up to the posts and carried an English +gas mask. We were just beginning to get some of +them. They were a real mask. Also we were required +to wear an automatic pistol; even doctors and sanitary +officers. I felt it against the back of the chair. You +were liable to arrest if you did not have one worn in +plain sight. Rinaldi carried a holster stuffed with toilet +paper. I wore a real one and felt like a gunman until +I practised firing it. It was an Astra 7.65 caliber with +a short barrel and it jumped so sharply when you let it +off that there was no question of hitting anything. I +practised with it, holding below the target and trying to +master the jerk of the ridiculous short barrel until I +could hit within a yard of where I aimed at twenty +paces and then the ridiculousness of carrying a pistol +at all came over me and I soon forgot it and carried it +flopping against the small of my back with no feeling at +all except a vague sort of shame when I met English-speaking +people. I sat now in the chair and an orderly +of some sort looked at me disapprovingly from behind +a desk while I looked at the marble floor, the pillars +with the marble busts, and the frescoes on the wall +and waited for Miss Barkley. The frescoes were not +bad. Any frescoes were good when they started to peel +and flake off.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I saw Catherine Barkley coming down the hall, and +stood up. She did not seem tall walking toward me but +she looked very lovely.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-evening, Mr. Henry,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you do?” I said. The orderly was listening +behind the desk.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Shall we sit here or go out in the garden?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s go out. It’s much cooler.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I walked behind her out into the garden, the orderly +looking after us. When we were out on the gravel drive +she said, “Where have you been?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve been out on post.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You couldn’t have sent me a note?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “Not very well. I thought I was coming +back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You ought to have let me know, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We were off the driveway, walking under the trees. +I took her hands, then stopped and kissed her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Isn’t there anywhere we can go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” she said. “We have to just walk here. You’ve +been away a long time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is the third day. But I’m back now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She looked at me, “And you do love me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You did say you loved me, didn’t you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I lied. “I love you.” I had not said it +before.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And you call me Catherine?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Catherine.” We walked on a way and were stopped +under a tree.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Say, ‘I’ve come back to Catherine in the night.’ ”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve come back to Catherine in the night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, darling, you have come back, haven’t you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I love you so and it’s been awful. You won’t go +away?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I’ll always come back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, I love you so. Please put your hand there +again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not been away.” I turned her so I could see her +face when I kissed her and I saw that her eyes were +shut. I kissed both her shut eyes. I thought she was +probably a little crazy. It was all right if she was. I +did not care what I was getting into. This was better +than going every evening to the house for officers where +the girls climbed all over you and put your cap on backward +as a sign of affection between their trips upstairs +with brother officers. I knew I did not love Catherine +Barkley nor had any idea of loving her. This was a +game, like bridge, in which you said things instead of +playing cards. Like bridge you had to pretend you +were playing for money or playing for some stakes. +Nobody had mentioned what the stakes were. It was +all right with me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish there was some place we could go,” I said. +I was experiencing the masculine difficulty of making +love very long standing up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There isn’t any place,” she said. She came back +from wherever she had been.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We might sit there just for a little while.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We sat on the flat stone bench and I held Catherine +Barkley’s hand. She would not let me put my arm +around her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you very tired?” she asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She looked down at the grass.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is a rotten game we play, isn’t it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What game?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t be dull.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not, on purpose.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a nice boy,” she said. “And you play it as +well as you know how. But it’s a rotten game.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you always know what people think?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not always. But I do with you. You don’t have to +pretend you love me. That’s over for the evening. Is +there anything you’d like to talk about?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But I do love you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please let’s not lie when we don’t have to. I had +a very fine little show and I’m all right now. You see +I’m not mad and I’m not gone off. It’s only a little +sometimes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I pressed her hand, “Dear Catherine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It sounds very funny now—Catherine. You don’t +pronounce it very much alike. But you’re very nice. +You’re a very good boy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s what the priest said.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, you’re very good. And you will come and see +me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And you don’t have to say you love me. That’s all +over for a while.” She stood up and put out her hand. +“Good-night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I wanted to kiss her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” she said. “I’m awfully tired.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Kiss me, though,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m awfully tired, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Kiss me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want to very much?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We kissed and she broke away suddenly. “No. +Good-night, please, darling.” We walked to the door +and I saw her go in and down the hall. I liked to watch +her move. She went on down the hall. I went on +home. It was a hot night and there was a good deal +going on up in the mountains. I watched the flashes +on San Gabriele.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I stopped in front of the Villa Rossa. The shutters +were up but it was still going on inside. Somebody was +singing. I went on home. Rinaldi came in while I was +undressing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ah, ha!” he said. “It does not go so well. Baby +is puzzled.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where have you been?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“At the Villa Rossa. It was very edifying, baby. +We all sang. Where have you been?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Calling on the British.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank God I did not become involved with the +British.”</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER VII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>I came back the next afternoon from our first mountain +post and stopped the car at the <span class='it'>smistimento</span> where +the wounded and sick were sorted by their papers and +the papers marked for the different hospitals. I had +been driving and I sat in the car and the driver took the +papers in. It was a hot day and the sky was very bright +and blue and the road was white and dusty. I sat in the +high seat of the Fiat and thought about nothing. A +regiment went by in the road and I watched them pass. +The men were hot and sweating. Some wore their steel +helmets but most of them carried them slung from their +packs. Most of the helmets were too big and came +down almost over the ears of the men who wore them. +The officers all wore helmets; better-fitting helmets. It +was half of the brigata Basilicata. I identified them by +their red and white striped collar mark. There were +stragglers going by long after the regiment had passed—men +who could not keep up with their platoons. They +were sweaty, dusty and tired. Some looked pretty bad. +A soldier came along after the last of the stragglers. +He was walking with a limp. He stopped and sat down +beside the road. I got down and went over.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He looked at me, then stood up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m going on.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the trouble?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“—— the war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s wrong with your leg?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not my leg. I got a rupture.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why don’t you ride with the transport?” I asked. +“Why don’t you go to the hospital?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They won’t let me. The lieutenant said I slipped the +truss on purpose.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let me feel it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s way out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Which side is it on?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I felt it.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Cough,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m afraid it will make it bigger. It’s twice as big +as it was this morning.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sit down,” I said. “As soon as I get the papers on +these wounded I’ll take you along the road and drop +you with your medical officers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’ll say I did it on purpose.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They can’t do anything,” I said. “It’s not a wound. +You’ve had it before, haven’t you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But I lost the truss.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’ll send you to a hospital.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Can’t I stay here, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, I haven’t any papers for you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The driver came out of the door with the papers for +the wounded in the car.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Four for 105. Two for 132,” he said. They were +hospitals beyond the river.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You drive,” I said. I helped the soldier with the +rupture up on the seat with us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You speak English?” he asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sure.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How you like this goddam war?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Rotten.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I say it’s rotten. Jesus Christ, I say it’s rotten.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Were you in the States?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sure. In Pittsburg. I knew you was an American.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t I talk Italian good enough?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I knew you was an American all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Another American,” said the driver in Italian looking +at the hernia man.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Listen, lootenant. Do you have to take me to that +regiment?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Because the captain doctor knew I had this rupture. +I threw away the goddam truss so it would get bad and +I wouldn’t have to go to the line again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I see.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Couldn’t you take me no place else?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If it was closer to the front I could take you to a +first medical post. But back here you’ve got to have +papers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If I go back they’ll make me get operated on and +then they’ll put me in the line all the time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I thought it over.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You wouldn’t want to go in the line all the time, +would you?” he asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Jesus Christ, ain’t this a goddam war?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Listen,” I said. “You get out and fall down by the +road and get a bump on your head and I’ll pick you up +on our way back and take you to a hospital. We’ll stop +by the road here, Aldo.” We stopped at the side of the +road. I helped him down.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll be right here, lieutenant,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So long,” I said. We went on and passed the regiment +about a mile ahead, then crossed the river, cloudy +with snow-water and running fast through the spiles +of the bridge, to ride along the road across the plain +and deliver the wounded at the two hospitals. I drove +coming back and went fast with the empty car to find +the man from Pittsburg. First we passed the regiment, +hotter and slower than ever: then the stragglers. Then +we saw a horse ambulance stopped by the road. Two +men were lifting the hernia man to put him in. They +had come back for him. He shook his head at me. His +helmet was off and his forehead was bleeding below the +hair line. His nose was skinned and there was dust on +the bloody patch and dust in his hair.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Look at the bump, lieutenant!” he shouted. “Nothing +to do. They come back for me.”</p> + +<hr class='tbk101'/> + +<p class='pindent'>When I got back to the villa it was five o’clock and I +went out where we washed the cars, to take a shower. +Then I made out my report in my room, sitting in my +trousers and an undershirt in front of the open window. +In two days the offensive was to start and I +would go with the cars to Plava. It was a long time +since I had written to the States and I knew I should +write but I had let it go so long that it was almost impossible +to write now. There was nothing to write +about. I sent a couple of army Zona di Guerra post-cards, +crossing out everything except, I am well. That +should handle them. Those post-cards would be very +fine in America; strange and mysterious. This was a +strange and mysterious war zone but I supposed it was +quite well run and grim compared to other wars with +the Austrians. The Austrian army was created to give +Napoleon victories; any Napoleon. I wished we had a +Napoleon, but instead we had Il Generale Cadorna, +fat and prosperous, and Vittorio Emmanuele, the tiny +man with the long thin neck and the goat beard. Over +on the right they had the Duke of Aosta. Maybe he +was too good-looking to be a great general but he looked +like a man. Lots of them would have liked him to be +king. He looked like a king. He was the King’s uncle +and commanded the third army. We were in the second +army. There were some British batteries up with the +third army. I had met two gunners from that lot, in +Milan. They were very nice and we had a big evening. +They were big and shy and embarrassed and very appreciative +together of anything that happened. I wish +that I was with the British. It would have been much +simpler. Still I would probably have been killed. Not +in this ambulance business. Yes, even in the ambulance +business. British ambulance drivers were killed sometimes. +Well, I knew I would not be killed. Not in this +war. It did not have anything to do with me. It +seemed no more dangerous to me myself than war +in the movies. I wished to God it was over though. +Maybe it would finish this summer. Maybe the Austrians +would crack. They had always cracked in other +wars. What was the matter with this war? Everybody +said the French were through. Rinaldi said that +the French had mutinied and troops marched on Paris. +I asked him what happened and he said, “Oh, they +stopped them.” I wanted to go to Austria without war. +I wanted to go to the Black Forest. I wanted to go to +the Hartz Mountains. Where were the Hartz Mountains +anyway? They were fighting in the Carpathians. +I did not want to go there anyway. It might be good +though. I could go to Spain if there was no war. The +sun was going down and the day was cooling off. After +supper I would go and see Catherine Barkley. I wished +she were here now. I wished I were in Milan with her. +I would like to eat at the Cova and then walk down the +Via Manzoni in the hot evening and cross over and +turn off along the canal and go to the hotel with Catherine +Barkley. Maybe she would. Maybe she would +pretend that I was her boy that was killed and we would +go in the front door and the porter would take off his +cap and I would stop at the concierge’s desk and ask +for the key and she would stand by the elevator and then +we would get in the elevator and it would go up very +slowly clicking at all the floors and then our floor and +the boy would open the door and stand there and she +would step out and I would step out and we would walk +down the hall and I would put the key in the door and +open it and go in and then take down the telephone and +ask them to send a bottle of capri bianca in a silver +bucket full of ice and you would hear the ice against +the pail coming down the corridor and the boy would +knock and I would say leave it outside the door please. +Because we would not wear any clothes because it was +so hot and the window open and the swallows flying +over the roofs of the houses and when it was dark +afterward and you went to the window very small bats +hunting over the houses and close down over the trees +and we would drink the capri and the door locked and +it hot and only a sheet and the whole night and we +would both love each other all night in the hot night in +Milan. That was how it ought to be. I would eat +quickly and go and see Catherine Barkley.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They talked too much at the mess and I drank wine +because to-night we were not all brothers unless I drank +a little and talked with the priest about Archbishop +Ireland who was, it seemed, a noble man and with whose +injustice, the injustices he had received and in which I +participated as an American, and of which I had never +heard, I feigned acquaintance. It would have been impolite +not to have known something of them when I had +listened to such a splendid explanation of their causes +which were, after all, it seemed, misunderstandings. I +thought he had a fine name and he came from Minnesota +which made a lovely name: Ireland of Minnesota, +Ireland of Wisconsin, Ireland of Michigan. What +made it pretty was that it sounded like Island. No that +wasn’t it. There was more to it than that. Yes, father. +That is true, father. Perhaps, father. No, father. +Well, maybe yes, father. You know more about it than +I do, father. The priest was good but dull. The officers +were not good but dull. The King was good but dull. +The wine was bad but not dull. It took the enamel off +your teeth and left it on the roof of your mouth.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And the priest was locked up,” Rocca said, “because +they found the three per cent bonds on his person. +It was in France of course. Here they would never +have arrested him. He denied all knowledge of the five +per cent bonds. This took place at Béziers. I was there +and reading of it in the paper, went to the jail and asked +to see the priest. It was quite evident he had stolen the +bonds.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe a word of this,” Rinaldi said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just as you like,” Rocca said. “But I am telling it +for our priest here. It is very informative. He is a +priest; he will appreciate it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The priest smiled. “Go on,” he said. “I am listening.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course some of the bonds were not accounted +for but the priest had all of the three per cent bonds +and several local obligations, I forget exactly what they +were. So I went to the jail, now this is the point of the +story, and I stood outside his cell and I said as though +I were going to confession, ‘Bless me, father, for you +have sinned.’ ”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>There was great laughter from everybody.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And what did he say?” asked the priest. Rocca +ignored this and went on to explain the joke to me. +“You see the point, don’t you?” It seemed it was a +very funny joke if you understood it properly. They +poured me more wine and I told the story about the +English private soldier who was placed under the shower +bath. Then the major told the story of the eleven +Czecho-slovaks and the Hungarian corporal. After +some more wine I told the story of the jockey who +found the penny. The major said there was an Italian +story something like that about the duchess who could +not sleep at night. At this point the priest left and I +told the story about the travelling salesman who arrived +at five o’clock in the morning at Marseilles when the +mistral was blowing. The major said he had heard a +report that I could drink. I denied this. He said it +was true and by the corpse of Bacchus we would test +whether it was true or not. Not Bacchus, I said. Not +Bacchus. Yes, Bacchus, he said. I should drink cup +for cup and glass for glass with Bassi, Fillipo Vincenza. +Bassi said no that was no test because he had +already drunk twice as much as I. I said that was a +foul lie and, Bacchus or no Bacchus, Fillipo Vincenza +Bassi or Bassi Fillippo Vicenza had never touched a +drop all evening and what was his name anyway? He +said was my name Frederico Enrico or Enrico Federico? +I said let the best man win, Bacchus barred, and +the major started us with red wine in mugs. Half-way +through the wine I did not want any more. I remembered +where I was going.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bassi wins,” I said. “He’s a better man than I am. +I have to go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He does really,” said Rinaldi. “He has a rendezvous. +I know all about it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have to go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Another night,” said Bassi. “Another night when +you feel stronger.” He slapped me on the shoulder. +There were lighted candles on the table. All the officers +were very happy. “Good-night, gentlemen,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Rinaldi went out with me. We stood outside the +door on the patch and he said, “You’d better not go up +there drunk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not drunk, Rinin. Really.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’d better chew some coffee.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nonsense.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll get some, baby. You walk up and down.” He +came back with a handful of roasted coffee beans. +“Chew those, baby, and God be with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bacchus,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll walk down with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m perfectly all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We walked along together through the town and I +chewed the coffee. At the gate of the driveway that +led up to the British villa, Rinaldi said good-night.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night,” I said. “Why don’t you come in?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He shook his head. “No,” he said, “I like the simpler +pleasures.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you for the coffee beans.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing, baby. Nothing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I started down the driveway. The outlines of the +cypresses that lined it were sharp and clear. I looked +back and saw Rinaldi standing watching me and waved +to him.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I sat in the reception hall of the villa, waiting for +Catherine Barkley to come down. Some one was coming +down the hall-way. I stood up, but it was not +Catherine. It was Miss Ferguson.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hello,” she said. “Catherine asked me to tell you +she was sorry she couldn’t see you this evening.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m so sorry. I hope she’s not ill.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She’s not awfully well.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Will you tell her how sorry I am?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, I will.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you think it would be any good to try and see +her to-morrow?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, I do.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you very much,” I said. “Good-night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went out the door and suddenly I felt lonely and +empty. I had treated seeing Catherine very lightly, I +had gotten somewhat drunk and had nearly forgotten +to come but when I could not see her there I was feeling +lonely and hollow.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>The next afternoon we heard there was to be an attack +up the river that night and that we were to take +four cars there. Nobody knew anything about it although +they all spoke with great positiveness and strategical +knowledge. I was riding in the first car and as +we passed the entry to the British hospital I told the +driver to stop. The other cars pulled up. I got out and +told the driver to go on and that if we had not caught +up to them at the junction of the road to Cormons to +wait there. I hurried up the driveway and inside the +reception hall I asked for Miss Barkley.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She’s on duty.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Could I see her just for a moment?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They sent an orderly to see and she came back with +him.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I stopped to ask if you were better. They told me +you were on duty, so I asked to see you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m quite well,” she said, “I think the heat knocked +me over yesterday.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have to go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll just step out the door a minute.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And you’re all right?” I asked outside.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, darling. Are you coming to-night?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I’m leaving now for a show up above Plava.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A show?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think it’s anything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And you’ll be back?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To-morrow.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She was unclasping something from her neck. She +put it in my hand. “It’s a Saint Anthony,” she said. +“And come to-morrow night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re not a Catholic, are you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. But they say a Saint Anthony’s very useful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll take care of him for you. Good-by.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” she said, “not good-by.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Be a good boy and be careful. No, you can’t kiss +me here. You can’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I looked back and saw her standing on the steps. +She waved and I kissed my hand and held it out. She +waved again and then I was out of the driveway and +climbing up into the seat of the ambulance and we +started. The Saint Anthony was in a little white metal +capsule. I opened the capsule and spilled him out into +my hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Saint Anthony?” asked the driver.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have one.” His right hand left the wheel and +opened a button on his tunic and pulled it out from under +his shirt.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“See?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I put my Saint Anthony back in the capsule, spilled +the thin gold chain together and put it all in my breast +pocket.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t wear him?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s better to wear him. That’s what it’s for.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said. I undid the clasp of the gold +chain and put it around my neck and clasped it. The +saint hung down on the outside of my uniform and I +undid the throat of my tunic, unbuttoned the shirt collar +and dropped him in under the shirt. I felt him in +his metal box against my chest while we drove. Then I +forgot about him. After I was wounded I never found +him. Some one probably got it at one of the dressing +stations.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We drove fast when we were over the bridge and +soon we saw the dust of the other cars ahead down the +road. The road curved and we saw the three cars looking +quite small, the dust rising from the wheels and going +off through the trees. We caught them and passed +them and turned off on a road that climbed up into the +hills. Driving in convoy is not unpleasant if you are +the first car and I settled back in the seat and watched +the country. We were in the foot-hills on the near side +of the river and as the road mounted there were the +high mountains off to the north with snow still on the +tops. I looked back and saw the three cars all climbing, +spaced by the interval of their dust. We passed a +long column of loaded mules, the drivers walking along +beside the mules wearing red fezzes. They were bersaglieri.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Beyond the mule train the road was empty and we +climbed through the hills and then went down over the +shoulder of a long hill into a river-valley. There were +trees along both sides of the road and through the right +line of trees I saw the river, the water clear, fast and +shallow. The river was low and there were stretches +of sand and pebbles with a narrow channel of water +and sometimes the water spread like a sheen over the +pebbly bed. Close to the bank I saw deep pools, the +water blue like the sky. I saw arched stone bridges +over the river where tracks turned off from the road +and we passed stone farmhouses with pear trees candelabraed +against their south walls and low stone walls +in the fields. The road went up the valley a long way +and then we turned off and commenced to climb into the +hills again. The road climbed steeply going up and back +and forth through chestnut woods to level finally along +a ridge. I could look down through the woods and see, +far below, with the sun on it, the line of the river that +separated the two armies. We went along the rough +new military road that followed the crest of the ridge +and I looked to the north at the two ranges of mountains, +green and dark to the snow-line and then white +and lovely in the sun. Then, as the road mounted along +the ridge, I saw a third range of mountains, higher +snow mountains, that looked chalky white and furrowed, +with strange planes, and then there were mountains +far off beyond all these that you could hardly tell +if you really saw. Those were all the Austrians’ mountains +and we had nothing like them. Ahead there was a +rounded turn-off in the road to the right and looking +down I could see the road dropping through the trees. +There were troops on this road and motor trucks and +mules with mountain guns and as we went down, keeping +to the side, I could see the river far down below, +the line of ties and rails running along it, the old bridge +where the railway crossed to the other side and across, +under a hill beyond the river, the broken houses of the +little town that was to be taken.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was nearly dark when we came down and turned +onto the main road that ran beside the river.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>The road was crowded and there were screens of +corn-stalk and straw matting on both sides and matting +over the top so that it was like the entrance at a circus +or a native village. We drove slowly in this matting-covered +tunnel and came out onto a bare cleared space +where the railway station had been. The road here was +below the level of the river bank and all along the side +of the sunken road there were holes dug in the bank +with infantry in them. The sun was going down and +looking up along the bank as we drove I saw the Austrian +observation balloons above the hills on the other +side dark against the sunset. We parked the cars beyond +a brickyard. The ovens and some deep holes had +been equipped as dressing stations. There were three +doctors that I knew. I talked with the major and +learned that when it should start and our cars should be +loaded we would drive them back along the screened +road and up to the main road along the ridge where +there would be a post and other cars to clear them. +He hoped the road would not jam. It was a one-road +show. The road was screened because it was in sight of +the Austrians across the river. Here at the brickyard +we were sheltered from rifle or machine-gun fire by the +river bank. There was one smashed bridge across the +river. They were going to put over another bridge +when the bombardment started and some troops were +to cross at the shallows up above at the bend of the +river. The major was a little man with upturned mustaches. +He had been in the war in Libya and wore two +wound-stripes. He said that if the thing went well he +would see that I was decorated. I said I hoped it would +go well but that he was too kind. I asked him if there +was a big dugout where the drivers could stay and he +sent a soldier to show me. I went with him and found +the dugout, which was very good. The drivers were +pleased with it and I left them there. The major asked +me to have a drink with him and two other officers. We +drank rum and it was very friendly. Outside it was getting +dark. I asked what time the attack was to be and +they said as soon as it was dark. I went back to the +drivers. They were sitting in the dugout talking and +when I came in they stopped. I gave them each a package +of cigarettes, Macedonias, loosely packed cigarettes +that spilled tobacco and needed to have the ends +twisted before you smoked them. Manera lit his lighter +and passed it around. The lighter was shaped like a +Fiat radiator. I told them what I had heard.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why didn’t we see the post when we came down?” +Passini asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was just beyond where we turned off.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That road will be a dirty mess,” Manera said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’ll shell the —— out of us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Probably.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about eating, lieutenant? We won’t get a +chance to eat after this thing starts.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll go and see now,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You want us to stay here or can we look around?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Better stay here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went back to the major’s dugout and he said the field +kitchen would be along and the drivers could come and +get their stew. He would loan them mess tins if they did +not have them. I said I thought they had them. I went +back and told the drivers I would get them as soon as the +food came. Manera said he hoped it would come before +the bombardment started. They were silent until I went +out. They were all mechanics and hated the war.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went out to look at the cars and see what was going +on and then came back and sat down in the dugout with +the four drivers. We sat on the ground with our backs +against the wall and smoked. Outside it was nearly dark. +The earth of the dugout was warm and dry and I let my +shoulders back against the wall, sitting on the small of +my back, and relaxed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who goes to the attack?” asked Gavuzzi.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bersaglieri.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All bersaglieri?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There aren’t enough troops here for a real attack.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is probably to draw attention from where the real +attack will be.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do the men know that who attack?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course they don’t,” Manera said. “They wouldn’t +attack if they did.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes they would,” Passini said. “Bersaglieri are +fools.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are brave and have good discipline,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are big through the chest by measurement, and +healthy. But they are still fools.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The granatieri are tall,” Manera said. This was a +joke. They all laughed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Were you there, Tenente, when they wouldn’t attack +and they shot every tenth man?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is true. They lined them up afterward and took +every tenth man. Carabinieri shot them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Carabinieri,” said Passini and spat on the floor. +“But those grenadiers; all over six feet. They wouldn’t +attack.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If everybody would not attack the war would be +over,” Manera said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It wasn’t that way with the granatieri. They were +afraid. The officers all came from such good families.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Some of the officers went alone.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A sergeant shot two officers who would not get +out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Some troops went out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Those that went out were not lined up when they +took the tenth men.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“One of those shot by the carabinieri is from my +town,” Passini said. “He was a big smart tall boy to be +in the granatieri. Always in Rome. Always with the +girls. Always with the carabinieri.” He laughed. +“Now they have a guard outside his house with a bayonet +and nobody can come to see his mother and father +and sisters and his father loses his civil rights and cannot +even vote. They are all without law to protect them. +Anybody can take their property.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If it wasn’t that that happens to their families nobody +would go to the attack.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Alpini would. These V. E. soldiers would. +Some bersaglieri.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bersaglieri have run too. Now they try to forget +it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You should not let us talk this way, Tenente. Evviva +l’esercito,” Passini said sarcastically.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know how you talk,” I said. “But as long as you +drive the cars and behave——”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“—and don’t talk so other officers can hear,” Manera +finished.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I believe we should get the war over,” I said. “It +would not finish it if one side stopped fighting. It +would only be worse if we stopped fighting.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It could not be worse,” Passini said respectfully. +“There is nothing worse than war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Defeat is worse.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do not believe it,” Passini said still respectfully. +“What is defeat? You go home.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They come after you. They take your home. They +take your sisters.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe it,” Passini said. “They can’t do that +to everybody. Let everybody defend his home. Let +them keep their sisters in the house.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They hang you. They come and make you be a +soldier again. Not in the auto-ambulance, in the infantry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They can’t hang every one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“An outside nation can’t make you be a soldier,” +Manera said. “At the first battle you all run.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Like the Tchecos.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think you do not know anything about being conquered +and so you think it is not bad.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tenente,” Passini said. “We understand you let us +talk. Listen. There is nothing as bad as war. We in +the auto-ambulance cannot even realize at all how bad +it is. When people realize how bad it is they cannot do +anything to stop it because they go crazy. There are +some people who never realize. There are people who +are afraid of their officers. It is with them that war is +made.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know it is bad but we must finish it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It doesn’t finish. There is no finish to a war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes there is.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Passini shook his head.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“War is not won by victory. What if we take San +Gabriele? What if we take the Carso and Monfalcone +and Trieste? Where are we then? Did you see all the +far mountains to-day? Do you think we could take all +them too? Only if the Austrians stop fighting. One +side must stop fighting. Why don’t we stop fighting? +If they come down into Italy they will get tired and +go away. They have their own country. But no, instead +there is a war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re an orator.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We think. We read. We are not peasants. We are +mechanics. But even the peasants know better than to +believe in a war. Everybody hates this war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There is a class that controls a country that is stupid +and does not realize anything and never can. That is +why we have this war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Also they make money out of it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Most of them don’t,” said Passini. “They are too +stupid. They do it for nothing. For stupidity.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We must shut up,” said Manera. “We talk too +much even for the Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He likes it,” said Passini. “We will convert him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But now we will shut up,” Manera said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do we eat yet, Tenente?” Gavuzzi asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will go and see,” I said. Gordini stood up and +went outside with me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is there anything I can do, Tenente? Can I help in +any way?” He was the quietest one of the four. +“Come with me if you want,” I said, “and we’ll see.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was dark outside and the long light from the +search-lights was moving over the mountains. There +were big search-lights on that front mounted on camions +that you passed sometimes on the roads at night, +close behind the lines, the camion stopped a little off the +road, an officer directing the light and the crew scared. +We crossed the brickyard, and stopped at the main +dressing station. There was a little shelter of green +branches outside over the entrance and in the dark the +night wind rustled the leaves dried by the sun. Inside +there was a light. The major was at the telephone sitting +on a box. One of the medical captains said the attack +had been put forward an hour. He offered me a +glass of cognac. I looked at the board tables, the instruments +shining in the light, the basins and the stoppered +bottles. Gordini stood behind me. The major +got up from the telephone.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It starts now,” he said. “It has been put back +again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I looked outside, it was dark and the Austrian search-lights +were moving on the mountains behind us. It was +quiet for a moment still, then from all the guns behind +us the bombardment started.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Savoia,” said the major.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“About the soup, major,” I said. He did not hear +me. I repeated it.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It hasn’t come up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>A big shell came in and burst outside in the brickyard. +Another burst and in the noise you could hear +the smaller noise of the brick and dirt raining down.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is there to eat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have a little pasta asciutta,” the major said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll take what you can give me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The major spoke to an orderly who went out of +sight in the back and came back with a metal basin of +cold cooked macaroni. I handed it to Gordini.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you any cheese?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The major spoke grudgingly to the orderly who +ducked back into the hole again and came out with a +quarter of a white cheese.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you very much,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’d better not go out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Outside something was set down beside the entrance. +One of the two men who had carried it looked in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bring him in,” said the major. “What’s the matter +with you? Do you want us to come outside and get +him?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The two stretcher-bearers picked up the man under +the arms and by the legs and brought him in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Slit the tunic,” the major said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He held a forceps with some gauze in the end. The +two captains took off their coats. “Get out of here,” the +major said to the two stretcher-bearers.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on,” I said to Gordini.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You better wait until the shelling is over,” the major +said over his shoulder.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They want to eat,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“As you wish.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Outside we ran across the brickyard. A shell burst +short near the river bank. Then there was one that we +did not hear coming until the sudden rush. We both +went flat and with the flash and bump of the burst and +the smell heard the singing off of the fragments and +the rattle of falling brick. Gordini got up and ran for +the dugout. I was after him, holding the cheese, its +smooth surface covered with brick dust. Inside the +dugout were the three drivers sitting against the wall, +smoking.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here, you patriots,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are the cars?” Manera asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did they scare you, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re damned right,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I took out my knife, opened it, wiped off the blade +and pared off the dirty outside surface of the cheese. +Gavuzzi handed me the basin of macaroni.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Start in to eat, Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “Put it on the floor. We’ll all eat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There are no forks.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What the hell,” I said in English.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I cut the cheese into pieces and laid them on the +macaroni.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sit down to it,” I said. They sat down and waited. +I put thumb and fingers into the macaroni and lifted. +A mass loosened.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Lift it high, Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I lifted it to arm’s length and the strands cleared. I +lowered it into the mouth, sucked and snapped in the +ends, and chewed, then took a bite of cheese, chewed, +and then a drink of the wine. It tasted of rusty metal. +I handed the canteen back to Passini.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s rotten,” he said. “It’s been in there too long. +I had it in the car.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They were all eating, holding their chins close over +the basin, tipping their heads back, sucking in the ends. +I took another mouthful and some cheese and a rinse of +wine. Something landed outside that shook the earth.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Four hundred twenty or minnenwerfer,” Gavuzzi +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There aren’t any four hundred twenties in the +mountains,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They have big Skoda guns. I’ve seen the holes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Three hundred fives.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went on eating. There was a cough, a noise like +a railway engine starting and then an explosion that +shook the earth again.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This isn’t a deep dugout,” Passini said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was a big trench-mortar.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, sir.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I ate the end of my piece of cheese and took a swallow +of wine. Through the other noise I heard a cough, +then came the chuh-chuh-chuh-chuh—then there was a +flash, as when a blast-furnace door is swung open, and +a roar that started white and went red and on and on in +a rushing wind. I tried to breathe but my breath would +not come and I felt myself rush bodily out of myself +and out and out and out and all the time bodily in the +wind. I went out swiftly, all of myself, and I knew I +was dead and that it had all been a mistake to think you +just died. Then I floated, and instead of going on I felt +myself slide back. I breathed and I was back. The +ground was torn up and in front of my head there was +a splintered beam of wood. In the jolt of my head I +heard somebody crying. I thought somebody was +screaming. I tried to move but I could not move. I +heard the machine-guns and rifles firing across the river +and all along the river. There was a great splashing and +I saw the star-shells go up and burst and float whitely +and rockets going up and heard the bombs, all this in a +moment, and then I heard close to me some one saying +“Mama Mia! Oh, mama Mia!” I pulled and twisted +and got my legs loose finally and turned around and +touched him. It was Passini and when I touched him +he screamed. His legs were toward me and I saw in +the dark and the light that they were both smashed +above the knee. One leg was gone and the other was +held by tendons and part of the trouser and the stump +twitched and jerked as though it were not connected. +He bit his arm and moaned, “Oh mama mia, mama +Mia,” then, “Dio te salve, Maria. Dio te salve, Maria. +Oh Jesus shoot me Christ shoot me mama mia mama +Mia oh purest lovely Mary shoot me. Stop it. Stop it. +Stop it. Oh Jesus lovely Mary stop it. Oh oh oh oh,” +then choking, “Mama mama mia.” Then he was quiet, +biting his arm, the stump of his leg twitching.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Porta feriti!” I shouted holding my hands cupped. +“Porta Feriti!” I tried to get closer to Passini to try +to put a tourniquet on the legs but I could not move. I +tried again and my legs moved a little. I could pull +backward along with my arms and elbows. Passini +was quiet now. I sat beside him, undid my tunic and +tried to rip the tail of my shirt. It would not rip and +I bit the edge of the cloth to start it. Then I thought of +his puttees. I had on wool stockings but Passini wore +puttees. All the drivers wore puttees but Passini had +only one leg. I unwound the puttee and while I was +doing it I saw there was no need to try and make a +tourniquet because he was dead already. I made sure +he was dead. There were three others to locate. I sat +up straight and as I did so something inside my head +moved like the weights on a doll’s eyes and it hit me +inside in back of my eyeballs. My legs felt warm and +wet and my shoes were wet and warm inside. I knew +that I was hit and leaned over and put my hand on my +knee. My knee wasn’t there. My hand went in and +my knee was down on my shin. I wiped my hand on +my shirt and another floating light came very slowly +down and I looked at my leg and was very afraid. Oh, +God, I said, get me out of here. I knew, however, that +there had been three others. There were four drivers. +Passini was dead. That left three. Some one took +hold of me under the arms and somebody else lifted my +legs.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There are three others,” I said. “One is dead.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s Manera. We went for a stretcher but there +wasn’t any. How are you, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where is Gordini and Gavuzzi?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Gordini’s at the post getting bandaged. Gavuzzi +has your legs. Hold on to my neck, Tenente. Are you +badly hit?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In the leg. How is Gordini?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s all right. It was a big trench-mortar shell.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Passini’s dead.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. He’s dead.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>A shell fell close and they both dropped to the ground +and dropped me. “I’m sorry, Tenente,” said Manera. +“Hang onto my neck.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you drop me again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was because we were scared.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you unwounded?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We are both wounded a little.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Can Gordini drive?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They dropped me once more before we reached the +post.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You sons of bitches,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am sorry, Tenente,” Manera said. “We won’t +drop you again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Outside the post a great many of us lay on the +ground in the dark. They carried wounded in and +brought them out. I could see the light come out from +the dressing station when the curtain opened and they +brought some one in or out. The dead were off to one +side. The doctors were working with their sleeves up +to their shoulders and were red as butchers. There +were not enough stretchers. Some of the wounded +were noisy but most were quiet. The wind blew the +leaves in the bower over the door of the dressing station +and the night was getting cold. Stretcher-bearers +came in all the time, put their stretchers down, unloaded +them and went away. As soon as I got to the +dressing station Manera brought a medical sergeant +out and he put bandages on both my legs. He said +there was so much dirt blown into the wound that there +had not been much hemorrhage. They would take me +as soon as possible. He went back inside. Gordini +could not drive, Manera said. His shoulder was +smashed and his head was hurt. He had not felt bad +but now the shoulder had stiffened. He was sitting up +beside one of the brick walls. Manera and Gavuzzi +each went off with a load of wounded. They could drive +all right. The British had come with three ambulances +and they had two men on each ambulance. One of their +drivers came over to me, brought by Gordini who +looked very white and sick. The Britisher leaned over.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you hit badly?” he asked. He was a tall man +and wore steel-rimmed spectacles.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In the legs.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not serious I hope. Will you have a cigarette?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thanks.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They tell me you’ve lost two drivers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. One killed and the fellow that brought you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What rotten luck. Would you like us to take the +cars?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s what I wanted to ask you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’d take quite good care of them and return +them to the Villa. 206 aren’t you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a charming place. I’ve seen you about. They +tell me you’re an American.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m English.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, English. Did you think I was Italian? There +were some Italians with one of our units.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It would be fine if you would take the cars,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll be most careful of them,” he straightened up. +“This chap of yours was very anxious for me to see +you.” He patted Gordini on the shoulder. Gordini +winced and smiled. The Englishman broke into voluble +and perfect Italian. “Now everything is arranged. I’ve +seen your Tenente. We will take over the two cars. +You won’t worry now.” He broke off, “I must do +something about getting you out of here. I’ll see the +medical wallahs. We’ll take you back with us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He walked across to the dressing station, stepping +carefully among the wounded. I saw the blanket open, +the light came out and he went in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He will look after you, Tenente,” Gordini said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are you, Franco?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am all right.” He sat down beside me. In a +moment the blanket in front of the dressing station +opened and two stretcher-bearers came out followed by +the tall Englishman. He brought them over to me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here is the American Tenente,” he said in Italian.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d rather wait,” I said. “There are much worse +wounded than me. I’m all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come come,” he said. “Don’t be a bloody hero.” +Then in Italian: “Lift him very carefully about the +legs. His legs are very painful. He is the legitimate +son of President Wilson.” They picked me up and +took me into the dressing room. Inside they were operating +on all the tables. The little major looked at us +furious. He recognized me and waved a forceps.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ça va bien?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ça va.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have brought him in,” the tall Englishman said in +Italian. “The only son of the American Ambassador. +He can be here until you are ready to take him. Then I +will take him with my first load.” He bent over me. +“I’ll look up their adjutant to do your papers and it will +all go much faster.” He stooped to go under the doorway +and went out. The major was unhooking the forceps +now, dropping them in a basin. I followed his +hands with my eyes. Now he was bandaging. Then +the stretcher-bearers took the man off the table.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll take the American Tenente,” one of the captains +said. They lifted me onto the table. It was hard and +slippery. There were many strong smells, chemical +smells and the sweet smell of blood. They took off my +trousers and the medical captain commenced dictating +to the sergeant-adjutant while he worked, “Multiple +superficial wounds of the left and right thigh and left +and right knee and right foot. Profound wounds of +right knee and foot. Lacerations of the scalp (he +probed—Does that hurt?—Christ, yes!) with possible +fracture of the skull. Incurred in the line of duty. +That’s what keeps you from being court-martialled for +self-inflicted wounds,” he said. “Would you like a drink +of brandy? How did you run into this thing anyway? +What were you trying to do? Commit suicide? Anti-tetanus +please, and mark a cross on both legs. Thank +you. I’ll clean this up a little, wash it out, and put on a +dressing. Your blood coagulates beautifully.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The adjutant, looking up from the paper, “What inflicted +the wounds?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The medical captain, “What hit you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Me, with the eyes shut, “A trench mortar shell.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The captain, doing things that hurt sharply and +severing tissue—“Are you sure?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Me—trying to lie still and feeling my stomach flutter +when the flesh was cut, “I think so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Captain doctor—(interested in something he was +finding), “Fragments of enemy trench-mortar shell. +Now I’ll probe for some of this if you like but it’s not +necessary. I’ll paint all this and—Does that sting? +Good, that’s nothing to how it will feel later. The pain +hasn’t started yet. Bring him a glass of brandy. The +shock dulls the pain; but this is all right, you have nothing +to worry about if it doesn’t infect and it rarely +does now. How is your head?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good Christ!” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Better not drink too much brandy then. If you’ve +got a fracture you don’t want inflammation. How does +that feel?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Sweat ran all over me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good Christ!” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I guess you’ve got a fracture all right. I’ll wrap +you up and don’t bounce your head around.” He bandaged, +his hands moving very fast and the bandage +coming taut and sure. “All right, good luck and Vive +la France.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s an American,” one of the other captains said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I thought you said he was a Frenchman. He talks +French,” the captain said. “I’ve known him before. I +always thought he was French.” He drank a half +tumbler of cognac. “Bring on something serious. Get +some more of that Anti-tetanus.” The captain waved to +me. They lifted me and the blanket-flap went across +my face as we went out. Outside the sergeant-adjutant +knelt down beside me where I lay, “Name?” he asked +softly. “Middle name? First name? Rank? Where +born? What class? What corps?” and so on. “I’m +sorry for your head, Tenente. I hope you feel better. +I’m sending you now with the English ambulance.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m all right,” I said. “Thank you very much.” +The pain that the major had spoken about had started +and all that was happening was without interest or relation. +After a while the English ambulance came up +and they put me onto a stretcher and lifted the stretcher +up to the ambulance level and shoved it in. There was +another stretcher by the side with a man on it whose +nose I could see, waxy-looking, out of the bandages. +He breathed very heavily. There were stretchers lifted +and slid into the slings above. The tall English driver +came around and looked in, “I’ll take it very easily,” he +said. “I hope you’ll be comfy.” I felt the engine start, +felt him climb up into the front seat, felt the brake +come off and the clutch go in, then we started. I lay +still and let the pain ride.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>As the ambulance climbed along the road, it was slow +in the traffic, sometimes it stopped, sometimes it backed +on a turn, then finally it climbed quite fast. I felt +something dripping. At first it dropped slowly and regularly, +then it pattered into a stream. I shouted to the +driver. He stopped the car and looked in through the +hole behind his seat.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The man on the stretcher over me has a hemorrhage.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’re not far from the top. I wouldn’t be able to +get the stretcher out alone.” He started the car. The +stream kept on. In the dark I could not see where it +came from the canvas overhead. I tried to move sideways +so that it did not fall on me. Where it had run +down under my shirt it was warm and sticky. I was +cold and my leg hurt so that it made me sick. After a +while the stream from the stretcher above lessened and +started to drip again and I heard and felt the canvas +above move as the man on the stretcher settled more +comfortably.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How is he?” the Englishman called back. “We’re +almost up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s dead I think,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The drops fell very slowly, as they fall from an icicle +after the sun has gone. It was cold in the car in the +night as the road climbed. At the post on the top they +took the stretcher out and put another in and we went +on.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER X</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>In the ward at the field hospital they told me a visitor +was coming to see me in the afternoon. It was a hot +day and there were many flies in the room. My orderly +had cut paper into strips and tied the strips to a stick to +make a brush that swished the flies away. I watched +them settle on the ceiling. When he stopped swishing +and fell asleep they came down and I blew them away +and finally covered my face with my hands and slept +too. It was very hot and when I woke my legs itched. +I waked the orderly and he poured mineral water on the +dressings. That made the bed damp and cool. Those of +us that were awake talked across the ward. The afternoon +was a quiet time. In the morning they came to +each bed in turn, three men nurses and a doctor and +picked you up out of bed and carried you into the +dressing room so that the beds could be made while +we were having our wounds dressed. It was not a +pleasant trip to the dressing room and I did not know +until later that beds could be made with men in them. +My orderly had finished pouring water and the bed felt +cool and lovely and I was telling him where to scratch +on the soles of my feet against the itching when one +of the doctors brought in Rinaldi. He came in very +fast and bent down over the bed and kissed me. I saw +he wore gloves.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are you, baby? How do you feel? I bring +you this—” It was a bottle of cognac. The orderly +brought a chair and he sat down, “and good news. +You will be decorated. They want to get you the +medaglia d’argento but perhaps they can get only the +bronze.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What for?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Because you are gravely wounded. They say if you +can prove you did any heroic act you can get the silver. +Otherwise it will be the bronze. Tell me exactly what +happened. Did you do any heroic act?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “I was blown up while we were eating +cheese.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Be serious. You must have done something heroic +either before or after. Remember carefully.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I did not.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Didn’t you carry anybody on your back? Gordini +says you carried several people on your back but the +medical major at the first post declares it is impossible. +He has to sign the proposition for the citation.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I didn’t carry anybody. I couldn’t move.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That doesn’t matter,” said Rinaldi.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He took off his gloves.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think we can get you the silver. Didn’t you refuse +to be medically aided before the others?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not very firmly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That doesn’t matter. Look how you are wounded. +Look at your valorous conduct in asking to go always +to the first line. Besides, the operation was successful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did they cross the river all right?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Enormously. They take nearly a thousand prisoners. +It’s in the bulletin. Didn’t you see it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll bring it to you. It is a successful coup de main.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How is everything?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Splendid. We are all splendid. Everybody is proud +of you. Tell me just exactly how it happened. I am +positive you will get the silver. Go on tell me. Tell me +all about it.” He paused and thought. “Maybe you will +get an English medal too. There was an English there. +I’ll go and see him and ask if he will recommend you. +He ought to be able to do something. Do you suffer +much? Have a drink. Orderly, go get a corkscrew. +Oh you should see what I did in the removal of three +metres of small intestine and better now than ever. It +is one for <span class='it'>The Lancet</span>. You do me a translation and I +will send it to <span class='it'>The Lancet</span>. Every day I am better. +Poor dear baby, how do you feel? Where is that damn +corkscrew? You are so brave and quiet I forget you are +suffering.” He slapped his gloves on the edge of the +bed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here is the corkscrew, Signor Tenente,” the orderly +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Open the bottle. Bring a glass. Drink that, baby. +How is your poor head? I looked at your papers. You +haven’t any fracture. That major at the first post was +a hog-butcher. I would take you and never hurt you. +I never hurt anybody. I learn how to do it. Every +day I learn to do things smoother and better. You +must forgive me for talking so much, baby. I am very +moved to see you badly wounded. There, drink that. +It’s good. It cost fifteen lire. It ought to be good. +Five stars. After I leave here I’ll go see that English +and he’ll get you an English medal.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They don’t give them like that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are so modest. I will send the liaison officer. +He can handle the English.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you seen Miss Barkley?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will bring her here. I will go now and bring her +here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t go,” I said. “Tell me about Gorizia. How +are the girls?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There are no girls. For two weeks now they haven’t +changed them. I don’t go there any more. It is disgraceful. +They aren’t girls; they are old war comrades.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t go at all?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I just go to see if there is anything new. I stop +by. They all ask for you. It is a disgrace that they +should stay so long that they become friends.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe girls don’t want to go to the front any more.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course they do. They have plenty of girls. It is +just bad administration. They are keeping them for the +pleasure of dugout hiders in the rear.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Poor Rinaldi,” I said. “All alone at the war with +no new girls.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Rinaldi poured himself another glass of the cognac.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think it will hurt you, baby. You take it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I drank the cognac and felt it warm all the way +down. Rinaldi poured another glass. He was quieter +now. He held up the glass. “To your valorous wounds. +To the silver medal. Tell me, baby, when you lie here +all the time in the hot weather don’t you get excited?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sometimes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t imagine lying like that. I would go crazy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are crazy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish you were back. No one to come in at night +from adventures. No one to make fun of. No one to +lend me money. No blood brother and roommate. +Why do you get yourself wounded?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can make fun of the priest.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That priest. It isn’t me that makes fun of him. It +is the captain. I like him. If you must have a priest +have that priest. He’s coming to see you. He makes +big preparations.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I like him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, I knew it. Sometimes I think you and he are +a little that way. You know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, you don’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, I do sometimes. A little that way like the number +of the first regiment of the Brigata Ancona.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, go to hell.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He stood up and put on his gloves.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh I love to tease you, baby. With your priest and +your English girl, and really you are just like me underneath.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, I’m not.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, we are. You are really an Italian. All fire and +smoke and nothing inside. You only pretend to be +American. We are brothers and we love each other.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Be good while I’m gone,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will send Miss Barkley. You are better with her +without me. You are purer and sweeter.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, go to hell.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will send her. Your lovely cool goddess. English +goddess. My God what would a man do with a woman +like that except worship her? What else is an Englishwoman +good for?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are an ignorant foul-mouthed dago.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A what?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“An ignorant wop.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wop. You are a frozen-faced ... wop.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are ignorant. Stupid.” I saw that word +pricked him and kept on. “Uninformed. Inexperienced, +stupid from inexperience.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Truly? I tell you something about your good women. +Your goddesses. There is only one difference between +taking a girl who has always been good and a +woman. With a girl it is painful. That’s all I know.” +He slapped the bed with his glove. “And you never +know if the girl will really like it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t get angry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not angry. I just tell you, baby, for your own +good. To save you trouble.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s the only difference?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. But millions of fools like you don’t know it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You were sweet to tell me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We won’t quarrel, baby. I love you too much. But +don’t be a fool.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I’ll be wise like you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t be angry, baby. Laugh. Take a drink. I +must go, really.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a good old boy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now you see. Underneath we are the same. We +are war brothers. Kiss me good-by.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re sloppy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I am just more affectionate.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I felt his breath come toward me. “Good-by. I +come to see you again soon.” His breath went away. +“I won’t kiss you if you don’t want. I’ll send your +English girl. Good-by, baby. The cognac is under the +bed. Get well soon.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He was gone.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>It was dusk when the priest came. They had brought +the soup and afterward taken away the bowls and I was +lying looking at the rows of beds and out the window +at the tree-top that moved a little in the evening +breeze. The breeze came in through the window and it +was cooler with the evening. The flies were on the ceiling +now and on the electric light bulbs that hung on +wires. The lights were only turned on when some one +was brought in at night or when something was being +done. It made me feel very young to have the dark +come after the dusk and then remain. It was like being +put to bed after early supper. The orderly came down +between the beds and stopped. Some one was with him. +It was the priest. He stood there small, brown-faced, +and embarrassed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you do?” he asked. He put some packages +down by the bed, on the floor.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right, father.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He sat down in the chair that had been brought for +Rinaldi and looked out of the window embarrassedly. +I noticed his face looked very tired.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can only stay a minute,” he said. “It is late.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not late. How is the mess?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He smiled. “I am still a great joke,” he sounded +tired too. “Thank God they are all well.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am so glad you are all right,” he said. “I hope +you don’t suffer.” He seemed very tired and I was not +used to seeing him tired.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not any more.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I miss you at the mess.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish I were there. I always enjoyed our talking.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I brought you a few little things,” he said. He +picked up the packages. “This is mosquito netting. +This is a bottle of vermouth. You like vermouth? +These are English papers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please open them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He was pleased and undid them. I held the mosquito +netting in my hands. The vermouth he held up for me +to see and then put it on the floor beside the bed. I +held up one of the sheaf of English papers. I could +read the headlines by turning it so the half-light from +the window was on it. It was the <span class='it'>News of the World</span>.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The others are illustrated,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It will be a great happiness to read them. Where +did you get them?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I sent for them to Mestre. I will have more.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You were very good to come, father. Will you +drink a glass of vermouth?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you. You keep it. It’s for you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, drink a glass.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I will bring you more then.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The orderly brought the glasses and opened the bottle. +He broke off the cork and the end had to be shoved +down into the bottle. I could see the priest was disappointed +but he said, “That’s all right. It’s no matter.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here’s to your health, father.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To your better health.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Afterward he held the glass in his hand and we +looked at one another. Sometimes we talked and were +good friends but to-night it was difficult.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter, father? You seem very tired.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am tired but I have no right to be.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s the heat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. This is only the Spring. I feel very low.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have the war disgust.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. But I hate the war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t enjoy it,” I said. He shook his head and +looked out of the window.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You do not mind it. You do not see it. You must +forgive me. I know you are wounded.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That is an accident.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Still even wounded you do not see it. I can tell. +I do not see it myself but I feel it a little.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When I was wounded we were talking about it. +Passini was talking.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The priest put down the glass. He was thinking +about something else.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know them because I am like they are,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are different though.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But really I am like they are.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The officers don’t see anything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Some of them do. Some are very delicate and feel +worse than any of us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are mostly different.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is not education or money. It is something else. +Even if they had education or money men like Passini +would not wish to be officers. I would not be an +officer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You rank as an officer. I am an officer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am not really. You are not even an Italian. You +are a foreigner. But you are nearer the officers than +you are to the men.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is the difference?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I cannot say it easily. There are people who would +make war. In this country there are many like that. +There are other people who would not make war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But the first ones make them do it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And I help them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are a foreigner. You are a patriot.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And the ones who would not make war? Can they +stop it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do not know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He looked out of the window again. I watched his +face.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have they ever been able to stop it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are not organized to stop things and when +they get organized their leaders sell them out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then it’s hopeless?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is never hopeless. But sometimes I cannot hope. +I try always to hope but sometimes I cannot.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe the war will be over.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What will you do then?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If it is possible I will return to the Abruzzi.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>His brown face was suddenly very happy.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You love the Abruzzi!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, I love it very much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You ought to go there then.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I would be too happy. If I could live there and +love God and serve Him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And be respected,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes and be respected. Why not?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No reason not. You should be respected.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It does not matter. But there in my country it is +understood that a man may love God. It is not a dirty +joke.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I understand.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He looked at me and smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You understand but you do not love God.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You do not love Him at all?” he asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am afraid of him in the night sometimes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You should love Him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t love much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” he said. “You do. What you tell me about +in the nights. That is not love. That is only passion +and lust. When you love you wish to do things for. +You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t love.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You will. I know you will. Then you will be +happy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m happy. I’ve always been happy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is another thing. You cannot know about it unless +you have it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Well,” I said. “If I ever get it I will tell you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I stay too long and talk too much.” He was worried +that he really did.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Don’t go. How about loving women? If I +really loved some woman would it be like that?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know about that. I never loved any woman.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about your mother?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, I must have loved my mother.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you always love God?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ever since I was a little boy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Well,” I said. I did not know what to say. “You +are a fine boy,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am a boy,” he said. “But you call me father.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s politeness.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I must go, really,” he said. “You do not want me +for anything?” he asked hopefully.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Just to talk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will take your greetings to the mess.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you for the many fine presents.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come and see me again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Good-by,” he patted my hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So long,” I said in dialect.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ciaou,” he repeated.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was dark in the room and the orderly, who had sat +by the foot of the bed, got up and went out with him. +I liked him very much and I hoped he would get back +to the Abruzzi some time. He had a rotten life in the +mess and he was fine about it but I thought how he +would be in his own country. At Capracotta, he had +told me, there were trout in the stream below the town. +It was forbidden to play the flute at night. When the +young men serenaded only the flute was forbidden. +Why, I had asked. Because it was bad for the girls to +hear the flute at night. The peasants all called you +“Don” and when you met them they took off their hats. +His father hunted every day and stopped to eat at the +houses of peasants. They were always honored. For a +foreigner to hunt he must present a certificate that he +had never been arrested. There were bears on the Gran +Sasso D’Italia but it was a long way. Aquila was a +fine town. It was cool in the summer at night and the +spring in Abruzzi was the most beautiful in Italy. But +what was lovely was the fall to go hunting through the +chestnut woods. The birds were all good because they +fed on grapes and you never took a lunch because the +peasants were always honored if you would eat with +them at their houses. After a while I went to sleep.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>The room was long with windows on the right-hand +side and a door at the far end that went into the dressing +room. The row of beds that mine was in faced the +windows and another row, under the windows, faced +the wall. If you lay on your left side you could see the +dressing room door. There was another door at the far +end that people sometimes came in by. If any one were +going to die they put a screen around the bed so you +could not see them die, but only the shoes and puttees +of doctors and men nurses showed under the bottom of +the screen and sometimes at the end there would be +whispering. Then the priest would come out from behind +the screen and afterward the men nurses would go +back behind the screen to come out again carrying the +one who was dead with a blanket over him down the +corridor between the beds and some one folded the +screen and took it away.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>That morning the major in charge of the ward asked +me if I felt that I could travel the next day. I said I +could. He said then they would ship me out early in +the morning. He said I would be better off making the +trip now before it got too hot.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When they lifted you up out of bed to carry you into +the dressing room you could look out of the window +and see the new graves in the garden. A soldier sat outside +the door that opened onto the garden making +crosses and painting on them the names, rank, and regiment +of the men who were buried in the garden. He +also ran errands for the ward and in his spare time +made me a cigarette lighter out of an empty Austrian +rifle cartridge. The doctors were very nice and seemed +very capable. They were anxious to ship me to Milan +where there were better X-ray facilities and where, after +the operation, I could take mechano-therapy. I +wanted to go to Milan too. They wanted to get us all +out and back as far as possible because all the beds were +needed for the offensive, when it should start.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The night before I left the field hospital Rinaldi came +in to see me with the major from our mess. They said +that I would go to an American hospital in Milan that +had just been installed. Some American ambulance +units were to be sent down and this hospital would look +after them and any other Americans on service in Italy. +There were many in the Red Cross. The States had declared +war on Germany but not on Austria.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The Italians were sure America would declare war on +Austria too and they were very excited about any +Americans coming down, even the Red Cross. They +asked me if I thought President Wilson would declare +war on Austria and I said it was only a matter of days. +I did not know what we had against Austria but it +seemed logical that they should declare war on her if +they did on Germany. They asked me if we would +declare war on Turkey. I said that was doubtful. +Turkey, I said, was our national bird but the joke translated +so badly and they were so puzzled and suspicious +that I said yes, we would probably declare war on Turkey. +And on Bulgaria? We had drunk several glasses +of brandy and I said yes by God on Bulgaria too and on +Japan. But, they said, Japan is an ally of England. +You can’t trust the bloody English. The Japanese want +Hawaii, I said. Where is Hawaii? It is in the Pacific +Ocean. Why do the Japanese want it? They don’t really +want it, I said. That is all talk. The Japanese are a +wonderful little people fond of dancing and light wines. +Like the French, said the major. We will get Nice and +Savoia from the French. We will get Corsica and all +the Adriatic coast-line, Rinaldi said. Italy will return +to the splendors of Rome, said the major. I don’t like +Rome, I said. It is hot and full of fleas. You don’t +like Rome? Yes, I love Rome. Rome is the mother of +nations. I will never forget Romulus suckling the +Tiber. What? Nothing. Let’s all go to Rome. Let’s +go to Rome to-night and never come back. Rome is a +beautiful city, said the major. The mother and father +of nations, I said. Roma is feminine, said Rinaldi. It +cannot be the father. Who is the father, then, the Holy +Ghost? Don’t blaspheme. I wasn’t blaspheming, I was +asking for information. You are drunk, baby. Who +made me drunk? I made you drunk, said the major. +I made you drunk because I love you and because +America is in the war. Up to the hilt, I said. You go +away in the morning, baby, Rinaldi said. To Rome, I +said. No, to Milan. To Milan, said the major, to the +Crystal Palace, to the Cova, to Campari’s, to Biffi’s, to +the galleria. You lucky boy. To the Gran Italia I said, +where I will borrow money from George. To the Scala, +said Rinaldi. You will go to the Scala. Every night, +I said. You won’t be able to afford it every night, said +the major.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The tickets are very expensive. I will draw a sight +draft on my grandfather, I said. A what? A sight +draft. He has to pay or I go to jail. Mr. Cunningham +at the bank does it. I live by sight drafts. Can a grandfather +jail a patriotic grandson who is dying that Italy +may live? Live the American Garibaldi, said Rinaldi. +Viva the sight drafts, I said. We must be quiet, said +the major. Already we have been asked many times to +be quiet. Do you go to-morrow really, Federico? He +goes to the American hospital I tell you, Rinaldi said. +To the beautiful nurses. Not the nurses with beards +of the field hospital. Yes, yes, said the major, I know +he goes to the American hospital. I don’t mind their +beards, I said. If any man wants to raise a beard let +him. Why don’t you raise a beard, Signor Maggiore? +It could not go in a gas mask. Yes it could. Anything +can go in a gas mask. I’ve vomited into a gas mask. +Don’t be so loud, baby, Rinaldi said. We all know you +have been at the front. Oh, you fine baby, what will I +do while you are gone? We must go, said the major. +This becomes sentimental. Listen, I have a surprise for +you. Your English. You know? The English you go +to see every night at their hospital? She is going to +Milan too. She goes with another to be at the American +hospital. They had not got nurses yet from America. +I talked to-day with the head of their riparto. +They have too many women here at the front. They +send some back. How do you like that, baby? All +right. Yes? You go to live in a big city and have your +English there to cuddle you. Why don’t I get wounded? +Maybe you will, I said. We must go, said the major. +We drink and make noise and disturb Federico. Don’t +go. Yes, we must go. Good-by. Good luck. Many +things. Ciaou. Ciaou. Ciaou. Come back quickly, +baby. Rinaldi kissed me. You smell of lysol. Good-by, +baby. Good-by. Many things. The major patted +my shoulder. They tiptoed out. I found I was quite +drunk but went to sleep.</p> + +<hr class='tbk102'/> + +<p class='pindent'>The next day in the morning we left for Milan and +arrived forty-eight hours later. It was a bad trip. We +were sidetracked for a long time this side of Mestre +and children came and peeked in. I got a little boy to +go for a bottle of cognac but he came back and said he +could only get grappa. I told him to get it and when it +came I gave him the change and the man beside me and +I got drunk and slept until past Vicenza where I woke +up and was very sick on the floor. It did not matter +because the man on that side had been very sick on the +floor several times before. Afterward I thought I could +not stand the thirst and in the yards outside of Verona +I called to a soldier who was walking up and down +beside the train and he got me a drink of water. I +woke Georgetti, the other boy who was drunk, and offered +him some water. He said to pour it on his shoulder +and went back to sleep. The soldier would not take +the penny I offered him and brought me a pulpy orange. +I sucked on that and spit out the pith and watched the +soldier pass up and down past a freight-car outside and +after a while the train gave a jerk and started.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<div><h1>BOOK II</h1></div> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>We got into Milan early in the morning and they +unloaded us in the freight yard. An ambulance took +me to the American hospital. Riding in the ambulance +on a stretcher I could not tell what part of town we +were passing through but when they unloaded the +stretcher I saw a market-place and an open wine shop +with a girl sweeping out. They were watering the +street and it smelled of the early morning. They put +the stretcher down and went in. The porter came out +with them. He had gray mustaches, wore a doorman’s +cap and was in his shirt sleeves. The stretcher would +not go into the elevator and they discussed whether it +was better to lift me off the stretcher and go up in the +elevator or carry the stretcher up the stairs. I listened +to them discussing it. They decided on the elevator. +They lifted me from the stretcher. “Go easy,” I said. +“Take it softly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>In the elevator we were crowded and as my legs bent +the pain was very bad. “Straighten out the legs,” I +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We can’t, Signor Tenente. There isn’t room.” The +man who said this had his arm around me and my arm +was around his neck. His breath came in my face metallic +with garlic and red wine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Be gentle,” the other man said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Son of a bitch who isn’t gentle!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Be gentle I say,” the man with my feet repeated.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I saw the doors of the elevator closed, and the grill +shut and the fourth-floor button pushed by the porter. +The porter looked worried. The elevator rose slowly.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Heavy?” I asked the man with the garlic.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing,” he said. His face was sweating and he +grunted. The elevator rose steadily and stopped. The +man holding the feet opened the door and stepped out. +We were on a balcony. There were several doors with +brass knobs. The man carrying the feet pushed a button +that rang a bell. We heard it inside the doors. No +one came. Then the porter came up the stairs.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where are they?” the stretcher-bearers asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know,” said the porter. “They sleep down +stairs.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Get somebody.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The porter rang the bell, then knocked on the door, +then he opened the door and went in. When he came +back there was an elderly woman wearing glasses with +him. Her hair was loose and half-falling and she wore +a nurse’s dress.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t understand,” she said. “I can’t understand +Italian.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can speak English,” I said. “They want to put me +somewhere.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“None of the rooms are ready. There isn’t any patient +expected.” She tucked at her hair and looked at +me near-sightedly.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Show them any room where they can put me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know,” she said. “There’s no patient expected. +I couldn’t put you in just any room.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Any room will do,” I said. Then to the porter in +Italian, “Find an empty room.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are all empty,” said the porter. “You are the +first patient.” He held his cap in his hand and looked +at the elderly nurse.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“For Christ’s sweet sake take me to some room.” +The pain had gone on and on with the legs bent and I +could feel it going in and out of the bone. The porter +went in the door, followed by the gray-haired woman, +then came hurrying back. “Follow me,” he said. They +carried me down a long hallway and into a room with +drawn blinds. It smelled of new furniture. There was +a bed and a big wardrobe with a mirror. They laid me +down on the bed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t put on sheets,” the woman said. “The sheets +are locked up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I did not speak to her. “There is money in my +pocket,” I said to the porter. “In the buttoned-down +pocket.” The porter took out the money. The two +stretcher-bearers stood beside the bed holding their +caps. “Give them five lire apiece and five lire for yourself. +My papers are in the other pocket. You may give +them to the nurse.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The stretcher-bearers saluted and said thank you. +“Good-by,” I said. “And many thanks.” They saluted +again and went out.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Those papers,” I said to the nurse, “describe my +case and the treatment already given.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The woman picked them up and looked at them +through her glasses. There were three papers and they +were folded. “I don’t know what to do,” she said. “I +can’t read Italian. I can’t do anything without the +doctor’s orders.” She commenced to cry and put the +papers in her apron pocket. “Are you an American?” +she asked crying.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Please put the papers on the table by the bed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was dim and cool in the room. As I lay on the +bed I could see the big mirror on the other side of the +room but could not see what it reflected. The porter +stood by the bed. He had a nice face and was very +kind.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can go,” I said to him. “You can go too,” I +said to the nurse. “What is your name?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Mrs. Walker.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can go, Mrs. Walker. I think I will go to +sleep.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I was alone in the room. It was cool and did not +smell like a hospital. The mattress was firm and comfortable +and I lay without moving, hardly breathing, +happy in feeling the pain lessen. After a while I wanted +a drink of water and found the bell on a cord by the +bed and rang it but nobody came. I went to sleep.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When I woke I looked around. There was sunlight +coming in through the shutters. I saw the big armoire, +the bare walls, and two chairs. My legs in the dirty +bandages, stuck straight out in the bed. I was careful +not to move them. I was thirsty and I reached for the +bell and pushed the button. I heard the door open and +looked and it was a nurse. She looked young and +pretty.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-morning,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-morning,” she said and came over to the bed. +“We haven’t been able to get the doctor. He’s gone to +Lake Como. No one knew there was a patient coming. +What’s wrong with you anyway?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m wounded. In the legs and feet and my head +is hurt.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s your name?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Henry. Frederic Henry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll wash you up. But we can’t do anything to the +dressings until the doctor comes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is Miss Barkley here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. There’s no one by that name here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who was the woman who cried when I came in?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The nurse laughed. “That’s Mrs. Walker. She was +on night duty and she’d been asleep. She wasn’t expecting +any one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>While we were talking she was undressing me, and +when I was undressed, except for the bandages, she +washed me, very gently and smoothly. The washing +felt very good. There was a bandage on my head but +she washed all around the edge.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where were you wounded?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“On the Isonzo north of Plava.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where is that?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“North of Gorizia.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I could see that none of the places meant anything +to her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you have a lot of pain?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Not much now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She put a thermometer in my mouth.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Italians put it under the arm,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t talk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When she took the thermometer out she read it and +then shook it.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the temperature?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re not supposed to know that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me what it is.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s almost normal.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I never have any fever. My legs are full of old iron +too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you mean?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’re full of trench-mortar fragments, old screws +and bed-springs and things.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She shook her head and smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you had any foreign bodies in your legs they +would set up an inflammation and you’d have fever.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said. “We’ll see what comes out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She went out of the room and came back with the +old nurse of the early morning. Together they made +the bed with me in it. That was new to me and an +admirable proceeding.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who is in charge here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Miss Van Campen.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How many nurses are there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just us two.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Won’t there be more?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Some more are coming.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When will they get here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. You ask a great many questions for +a sick boy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not sick,” I said, “I’m wounded.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They had finished making the bed and I lay with a +clean smooth sheet under me and another sheet over +me. Mrs. Walker went out and came back with a +pajama jacket. They put that on me and I felt very +clean and dressed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re awfully nice to me,” I said. The nurse +called Miss Gage giggled. “Could I have a drink of +water?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Certainly. Then you can have breakfast.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want breakfast. Can I have the shutters +opened please?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The light had been dim in the room and when the +shutters were opened it was bright sunlight and I +looked out on a balcony and beyond were the tile roofs +of houses and chimneys. I looked out over the tiled +roofs and saw white clouds and the sky very blue.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you know when the other nurses are coming?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why? Don’t we take good care of you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re very nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Would you like to use the bedpan?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I might try.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They helped me and held me up but it was not any +use. Afterward I lay and looked out the open doors +onto the balcony.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When does the doctor come?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When he gets back. We’ve tried to telephone to +Lake Como for him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Aren’t there any other doctors?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s the doctor for the hospital.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Miss Gage brought a pitcher of water and a glass. I +drank three glasses and then they left me and I looked +out the window a while and went back to sleep. I ate +some lunch and in the afternoon Miss Van Campen, +the superintendent, came up to see me. She did not +like me and I did not like her. She was small and +neatly suspicious and too good for her position. She +asked many questions and seemed to think it was somewhat +disgraceful that I was with the Italians.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Can I have wine with the meals?” I asked her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Only if the doctor prescribes it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t have it until he comes?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Absolutely not.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You plan on having him come eventually?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ve telephoned him at Lake Como.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She went out and Miss Gage came back.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why were you rude to Miss Van Campen?” she +asked after she had done something for me very skilfully.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I didn’t mean to be. But she was snooty.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She said you were domineering and rude.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wasn’t. But what’s the idea of a hospital without +a doctor?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s coming. They’ve telephoned for him to Lake +Como.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What does he do there? Swim?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. He has a clinic there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why don’t they get another doctor?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hush. Hush. Be a good boy and he’ll come.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I sent for the porter and when he came I told him in +Italian to get me a bottle of Cinzano at the wine shop, +a fiasco of chianti and the evening papers. He went +away and brought them wrapped in newspaper, unwrapped +them and, when I asked him to, drew the corks +and put the wine and vermouth under the bed. They +left me alone and I lay in bed and read the papers +awhile, the news from the front, and the list of dead +officers with their decorations and then reached down +and brought up the bottle of Cinzano and held it +straight up on my stomach, the cool glass against my +stomach, and took little drinks making rings on my +stomach from holding the bottle there between drinks, +and watched it get dark outside over the roofs of the +town. The swallows circled around and I watched them +and the night-hawks flying above the roofs and drank +the Cinzano. Miss Gage brought up a glass with some +egg-nog in it. I lowered the vermouth bottle to the +other side of the bed when she came in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Miss Van Campen had some sherry put in this,” +she said. “You shouldn’t be rude to her. She’s not +young and this hospital is a big responsibility for her. +Mrs. Walker’s too old and she’s no use to her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She’s a splendid woman,” I said. “Thank her very +much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m going to bring your supper right away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s all right,” I said. “I’m not hungry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When she brought the tray and put it on the bed +table I thanked her and ate a little of the supper. Afterward +it was dark outside and I could see the beams of +the search-lights moving in the sky. I watched for a +while and then went to sleep. I slept heavily except +once I woke sweating and scared and then went back +to sleep trying to stay outside of my dream. I woke +for good long before it was light and heard roosters +crowing and stayed on awake until it began to be light. +I was tired and once it was really light I went back to +sleep again.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XIV</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>It was bright sunlight in the room when I woke. I +thought I was back at the front and stretched out in +bed. My legs hurt me and I looked down at them still +in the dirty bandages, and seeing them knew where I +was. I reached up for the bell-cord and pushed the +button. I heard it buzz down the hall and then some +one coming on rubber soles along the hall. It was Miss +Gage and she looked a little older in the bright sunlight +and not so pretty.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-morning,” she said. “Did you have a good +night?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Thanks very much,” I said. “Can I have a +barber?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I came in to see you and you were asleep with this +in the bed with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She opened the armoire door and held up the vermouth +bottle. It was nearly empty. “I put the other +bottle from under the bed in there too,” she said. +“Why didn’t you ask me for a glass?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I thought maybe you wouldn’t let me have it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d have had some with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a fine girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It isn’t good for you to drink alone,” she said. +“You mustn’t do it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Your friend Miss Barkley’s come,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Really?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I don’t like her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You will like her. She’s awfully nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She shook her head. “I’m sure she’s fine. Can you +move just a little to this side? That’s fine. I’ll clean +you up for breakfast.” She washed me with a cloth +and soap and warm water. “Hold your shoulder up,” +she said. “That’s fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Can I have the barber before breakfast?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll send the porter for him.” She went out and +came back. “He’s gone for him,” she said and dipped +the cloth she held in the basin of water.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The barber came with the porter. He was a man of +about fifty with an upturned mustache. Miss Gage +was finished with me and went out and the barber +lathered my face and shaved. He was very solemn and +refrained from talking.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter? Don’t you know any news?” I +asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What news?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Any news. What’s happened in the town?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is time of war,” he said. “The enemy’s ears are +everywhere.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I looked up at him. “Please hold your face still,” he +said and went on shaving. “I will tell nothing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter with you?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am an Italian. I will not communicate with the +enemy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I let it go at that. If he was crazy, the sooner I could +get out from under the razor the better. Once I tried +to get a good look at him. “Beware,” he said. “The +razor is sharp.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I paid him when it was over and tipped him half a +lira. He returned the coins.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will not. I am not at the front. But I am an +Italian.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Get the hell out of here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“With your permission,” he said and wrapped his +razors in newspaper. He went out leaving the five +copper coins on the table beside the bed. I rang the +bell. Miss Gage came in. “Would you ask the porter +to come please?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The porter came in. He was trying to keep from +laughing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is that barber crazy?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, signorino. He made a mistake. He doesn’t +understand very well and he thought I said you were +an Austrian officer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ho ho ho,” the porter laughed. “He was funny. +One move from you he said and he would have—” he +drew his forefinger across his throat.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ho ho ho,” he tried to keep from laughing. +“When I tell him you were not an Austrian. Ho ho +ho.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ho ho ho,” I said bitterly. “How funny if he +would cut my throat. Ho ho ho.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, signorino. No, no. He was so frightened of +an Austrian. Ho ho ho.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ho ho ho,” I said. “Get out of here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He went out and I heard him laughing in the hall. +I heard some one coming down the hallway. I looked +toward the door. It was Catherine Barkley.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She came in the room and over to the bed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hello, darling,” she said. She looked fresh and +young and very beautiful. I thought I had never seen +any one so beautiful.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hello,” I said. When I saw her I was in love with +her. Everything turned over inside of me. She +looked toward the door, saw there was no one, then she +sat on the side of the bed and leaned over and kissed +me. I pulled her down and kissed her and felt her +heart beating.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You sweet,” I said. “Weren’t you wonderful to +come here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It wasn’t very hard. It may be hard to stay.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ve got to stay,” I said. “Oh, you’re wonderful.” +I was crazy about her. I could not believe she +was really there and held her tight to me.</p> + +<hr class='tbk103'/> + +<p class='pindent'>“You mustn’t,” she said. “You’re not well enough.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, I am. Come on.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. You’re not strong enough.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I am. Yes. Please.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You do love me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I really love you. I’m crazy about you. Come on +please.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Feel our hearts beating.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t care about our hearts. I want you. I’m +just mad about you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You really love me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t keep on saying that. Come on. Please. +Please, Catherine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right but only for a minute.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said. “Shut the door.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can’t. You shouldn’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on. Don’t talk. Please come on.”</p> + +<hr class='tbk104'/> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine sat in a chair by the bed. The door was +open into the hall. The wildness was gone and I felt +finer than I had ever felt.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She asked, “Now do you believe I love you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, you’re lovely,” I said. “You’ve got to stay. +They can’t send you away. I’m crazy in love with +you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll have to be awfully careful. That was just +madness. We can’t do that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We can at night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll have to be awfully careful. You’ll have to be +careful in front of other people.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll have to be. You’re sweet. You do love me, +don’t you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t say that again. You don’t know what that +does to me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll be careful then. I don’t want to do anything +more to you. I have to go now, darling, really.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come back right away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll come when I can.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by, sweet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She went out. God knows I had not wanted to fall +in love with her. I had not wanted to fall in love with +any one. But God knows I had and I lay on the bed +in the room of the hospital in Milan and all sorts of +things went through my head but I felt wonderful and +finally Miss Gage came in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The doctor’s coming,” she said. “He telephoned +from Lake Como.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When does he get here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’ll be here this afternoon.”</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XV</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>Nothing happened until afternoon. The doctor +was a thin quiet little man who seemed disturbed by +the war. He took out a number of small steel splinters +from my thighs with delicate and refined distaste. He +used a local anæsthetic called something or other “snow,” +which froze the tissue and avoided pain until the probe, +the scalpel or the forceps got below the frozen portion. +The anæsthetized area was clearly defined by the patient +and after a time the doctor’s fragile delicacy was +exhausted and he said it would be better to have an +X-ray. Probing was unsatisfactory, he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The X-ray was taken at the Ospedale Maggiore and +the doctor who did it was excitable, efficient and cheerful. +It was arranged by holding up the shoulders, that +the patient should see personally some of the larger +foreign bodies through the machine. The plates were +to be sent over. The doctor requested me to write in +his pocket notebook, my name, and regiment and some +sentiment. He declared that the foreign bodies were +ugly, nasty, brutal. The Austrians were sons of bitches. +How many had I killed? I had not killed any but I +was anxious to please—and I said I had killed plenty. +Miss Gage was with me and the doctor put his arm +around her and said she was more beautiful than Cleopatra. +Did she understand that? Cleopatra the former +queen of Egypt. Yes, by God she was. We returned +to the little hospital in the ambulance and after +a while and much lifting I was upstairs and in bed +again. The plates came that afternoon, the doctor had +said by God he would have them that afternoon and he +did. Catherine Barkley showed them to me. They +were in red envelopes and she took them out of the envelopes +and held them up to the light and we both +looked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s your right leg,” she said, then put the plate +back in the envelope. “This is your left.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Put them away,” I said, “and come over to the +bed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t,” she said. “I just brought them in for a +second to show you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She went out and I lay there. It was a hot afternoon +and I was sick of lying in bed. I sent the porter +for the papers, all the papers he could get.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Before he came back three doctors came into the room. +I have noticed that doctors who fail in the practice of +medicine have a tendency to seek one another’s company +and aid in consultation. A doctor who cannot +take out your appendix properly will recommend to +you a doctor who will be unable to remove your tonsils +with success. These were three such doctors.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is the young man,” said the house doctor with +the delicate hands.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you do?” said the tall gaunt doctor with +the beard. The third doctor, who carried the X-ray +plates in their red envelopes, said nothing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Remove the dressings?” questioned the bearded +doctor.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Certainly. Remove the dressings, please, nurse,” +the house doctor said to Miss Gage. Miss Gage removed +the dressings. I looked down at the legs. At +the field hospital they had the look of not too freshly +ground hamburger steak. Now they were crusted and +the knee was swollen and discolored and the calf +sunken but there was no pus.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Very clean,” said the house doctor. “Very clean +and nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Um,” said the doctor with the beard. The third +doctor looked over the house doctor’s shoulder.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please move the knee,” said the bearded doctor.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Test the articulation?” the bearded doctor questioned. +He had a stripe beside the three stars on his +sleeve. That meant he was a first captain.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Certainly,” the house doctor said. Two of them +took hold of my right leg very gingerly and bent it.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That hurts,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Yes. A little further, doctor.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s enough. That’s as far as it goes,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Partial articulation,” said the first captain. He +straightened up. “May I see the plates again, please, +doctor?” The third doctor handed him one of the +plates. “No. The left leg, please.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That is the left leg, doctor.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are right. I was looking from a different angle.” +He returned the plate. The other plate he examined +for some time. “You see, doctor?” he pointed to +one of the foreign bodies which showed spherical and +clear against the light. They examined the plate for +some time.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Only one thing I can say,” the first captain with the +beard said. “It is a question of time. Three months, +six months probably.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Certainly the synovial fluid must re-form.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Certainly. It is a question of time. I could not +conscientiously open a knee like that before the projectile +was encysted.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I agree with you, doctor.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Six months for what?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Six months for the projectile to encyst before the +knee can be opened safely.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe it,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want to keep your knee, young man?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want it cut off,” I said, “so I can wear a hook on +it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you mean? A hook?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He is joking,” said the house doctor. He patted +my shoulder very delicately. “He wants to keep his +knee. This is a very brave young man. He has been +proposed for the silver medal of valor.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All my felicitations,” said the first captain. He +shook my hand. “I can only say that to be on the safe +side you should wait at least six months before opening +such a knee. You are welcome of course to another +opinion.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you very much,” I said. “I value your +opinion.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The first captain looked at his watch.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We must go,” he said. “All my best wishes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All my best wishes and many thanks,” I said. I +shook hands with the third doctor, “Capitano Varini—Tenente +Enry,” and they all three went out of the room.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Miss Gage,” I called. She came in. “Please ask +the house doctor to come back a minute.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He came in holding his cap and stood by the bed. +“Did you wish to see me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I can’t wait six months to be operated on. +My God, doctor, did you ever stay in bed six months?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You won’t be in bed all the time. You must first +have the wounds exposed to the sun. Then afterward +you can be on crutches.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“For six months and then have an operation?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That is the safe way. The foreign bodies must be +allowed to encyst and the synovial fluid will re-form. +Then it will be safe to open up the knee.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you really think yourself I will have to wait +that long?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That is the safe way.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who is that first captain?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He is a very excellent surgeon of Milan.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s a first captain, isn’t he?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, but he is an excellent surgeon.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want my leg fooled with by a first captain. +If he was any good he would be made a major. I +know what a first captain is, doctor.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He is an excellent surgeon and I would rather have +his judgment than any surgeon I know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Could another surgeon see it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Certainly if you wish. But I would take Dr. Varella’s +opinion myself.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Could you ask another surgeon to come and see +it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will ask Valentini to come.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who is he?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He is a surgeon of the Ospedale Maggiore.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good. I appreciate it very much. You understand, +doctor, I couldn’t stay in bed six months.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You would not be in bed. You would first take a +sun cure. Then you could have light exercise. Then +when it was encysted we would operate.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But I can’t wait six months.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The doctor spread his delicate fingers on the cap he +held and smiled. “You are in such a hurry to get back +to the front?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why not?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is very beautiful,” he said. “You are a noble +young man.” He stooped over and kissed me very delicately +on the forehead. “I will send for Valentini. +Do not worry and excite yourself. Be a good boy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Will you have a drink?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No thank you. I never drink alcohol.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just have one.” I rang for the porter to bring +glasses.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. No thank you. They are waiting for me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by.”</p> + +<hr class='tbk105'/> + +<p class='pindent'>Two hours later Dr. Valentini came into the room. +He was in a great hurry and the points of his mustache +stood straight up. He was a major, his face was +tanned and he laughed all the time.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How did you do it, this rotten thing?” he asked. +“Let me see the plates. Yes. Yes. That’s it. You look +healthy as a goat. Who’s the pretty girl? Is she your +girl? I thought so. Isn’t this a bloody war? How +does that feel? You are a fine boy. I’ll make you better +than new. Does that hurt? You bet it hurts. +How they love to hurt you, these doctors. What have +they done for you so far? Can’t that girl talk Italian? +She should learn. What a lovely girl. I could teach +her. I will be a patient here myself. No, but I will do +all your maternity work free. Does she understand +that? She will make you a fine boy. A fine blonde like +she is. That’s fine. That’s all right. What a lovely +girl. Ask her if she eats supper with me. No I won’t +take her away from you. Thank you. Thank you very +much, Miss. That’s all.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s all I want to know.” He patted me on the +shoulder. “Leave the dressings off.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Will you have a drink, Dr. Valentini?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A drink? Certainly. I will have ten drinks. +Where are they?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In the armoire. Miss Barkley will get the bottle.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Cheery oh. Cheery oh to you, Miss. What a +lovely girl. I will bring you better cognac than that.” +He wiped his mustache.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When do you think it can be operated on?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To-morrow morning. Not before. Your stomach +must be emptied. You must be washed out. I will see +the old lady downstairs and leave instructions. Good-by. +I see you to-morrow. I’ll bring you better cognac +than that. You are very comfortable here. Good-by. +Until to-morrow. Get a good sleep. I’ll see you +early.” He waved from the doorway, his mustaches +went straight up, his brown face was smiling. There +was a star in a box on his sleeve because he was a +major.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XVI</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>That night a bat flew into the room through the +open door that led onto the balcony and through which +we watched the night over the roofs of the town. It +was dark in our room except for the small light of the +night over the town and the bat was not frightened but +hunted in the room as though he had been outside. We +lay and watched him and I do not think he saw us because +we lay so still. After he went out we saw a +searchlight come on and watched the beam move across +the sky and then go off and it was dark again. A +breeze came in the night and we heard the men of the +anti-aircraft gun on the next roof talking. It was cool +and they were putting on their capes. I worried in +the night about some one coming up but Catherine said +they were all asleep. Once in the night we went to +sleep and when I woke she was not there but I heard +her coming along the hall and the door opened and she +came back to the bed and said it was all right she had +been downstairs and they were all asleep. She had +been outside Miss Van Campen’s door and heard her +breathing in her sleep. She brought crackers and we +ate them and drank some vermouth. We were very +hungry but she said that would all have to be gotten +out of me in the morning. I went to sleep again in the +morning when it was light and when I was awake I +found she was gone again. She came in looking fresh +and lovely and sat on the bed and the sun rose while I +had the thermometer in my mouth and we smelled the +dew on the roofs and then the coffee of the men at the +gun on the next roof.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish we could go for a walk,” Catherine said. +“I’d wheel you if we had a chair.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How would I get into the chair?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’d do it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We could go out to the park and have breakfast +outdoors.” I looked out the open doorway.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What we’ll really do,” she said, “is get you ready +for your friend Dr. Valentini.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I thought he was grand.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I didn’t like him as much as you did. But I imagine +he’s very good.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come back to bed, Catherine. Please,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t. Didn’t we have a lovely night?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And can you be on night duty to-night?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I probably will. But you won’t want me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, I will.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, you won’t. You’ve never been operated on. +You don’t know how you’ll be.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll be all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll be sick and I won’t be anything to you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come back then now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” she said. “I have to do the chart, darling, +and fix you up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t really love me or you’d come back +again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re such a silly boy.” She kissed me. “That’s +all right for the chart. Your temperature’s always normal. +You’ve such a lovely temperature.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ve got a lovely everything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh no. You have the lovely temperature. I’m awfully +proud of your temperature.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe all our children will have fine temperatures.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Our children will probably have beastly temperatures.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you have to do to get me ready for Valentini?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not much. But quite unpleasant.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish you didn’t have to do it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t. I don’t want any one else to touch you. +I’m silly. I get furious if they touch you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Even Ferguson?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Especially Ferguson and Gage and the other, +what’s her name?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Walker?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s it. They’ve too many nurses here now. +There must be some more patients or they’ll send us +away. They have four nurses now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Perhaps there’ll be some. They need that many +nurses. It’s quite a big hospital.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope some will come. What would I do if they +sent me away? They will unless there are more patients.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d go too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t be silly. You can’t go yet. But get well +quickly, darling, and we will go somewhere.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And then what?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe the war will be over. It can’t always go +on.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll get well,” I said. “Valentini will fix me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He should with those mustaches. And, darling, +when you’re going under the ether just think about +something else—not us. Because people get very +blabby under an anæsthetic.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What should I think about?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Anything. Anything but us. Think about your +people. Or even any other girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Say your prayers then. That ought to create a +splendid impression.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe I won’t talk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s true. Often people don’t talk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t talk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t brag, darling. Please don’t brag. You’re so +sweet and you don’t have to brag.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t talk a word.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now you’re bragging, darling. You know you +don’t need to brag. Just start your prayers or poetry or +something when they tell you to breathe deeply. You’ll +be lovely that way and I’ll be so proud of you. I’m +very proud of you anyway. You have such a lovely +temperature and you sleep like a little boy with your +arm around the pillow and think it’s me. Or is it some +other girl? Some fine Italian girl?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course it’s me. Oh I do love you and Valentini +will make you a fine leg. I’m glad I don’t have to +watch it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And you’ll be on night duty to-night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. But you won’t care.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You wait and see.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There, darling. Now you’re all clean inside and +out. Tell me. How many people have you ever +loved?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nobody.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not me even?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How many others really?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“None.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How many have you—how do you say it?—stayed +with?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“None.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re lying to me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all right. Keep right on lying to me. That’s +what I want you to do. Were they pretty?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I never stayed with any one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s right. Were they very attractive?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know anything about it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re just mine. That’s true and you’ve never belonged +to any one else. But I don’t care if you have. +I’m not afraid of them. But don’t tell me about them. +When a man stays with a girl when does she say how +much it costs?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course not. Does she say she loves him? Tell +me that. I want to know that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. If he wants her to.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Does he say he loves her? Tell me please. It’s important.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He does if he wants to.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But you never did? Really?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not really. Tell me the truth?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I lied.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You wouldn’t,” she said. “I knew you wouldn’t. +Oh, I love you, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Outside the sun was up over the roofs and I could +see the points of the cathedral with the sunlight on +them. I was clean inside and outside and waiting for +the doctor.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And that’s it?” Catherine said. “She says just +what he wants her to?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not always.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But I will. I’ll say just what you wish and I’ll do +what you wish and then you will never want any other +girls, will you?” She looked at me very happily. “I’ll +do what you want and say what you want and then I’ll +be a great success, won’t I?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What would you like me to do now that you’re all +ready?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come to the bed again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I’ll come.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, darling, darling, darling,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see,” she said. “I do anything you want.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re so lovely.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m afraid I’m not very good at it yet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re lovely.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want what you want. There isn’t any me any +more. Just what you want.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You sweet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m good. Aren’t I good? You don’t want any +other girls, do you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see? I’m good. I do what you want.”</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XVII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>When I was awake after the operation I had not +been away. You do not go away. They only choke +you. It is not like dying it is just a chemical choking +so you do not feel, and afterward you might as well +have been drunk except that when you throw up nothing +comes but bile and you do not feel better afterward. +I saw sandbags at the end of the bed. They +were on pipes that came out of the cast. After a while +I saw Miss Gage and she said, “How is it now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Better,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He did a wonderful job on your knee.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How long did it take?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Two hours and a half.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did I say anything silly?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not a thing. Don’t talk. Just be quiet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I was sick and Catherine was right. It did not make +any difference who was on night duty.</p> + +<hr class='tbk106'/> + +<p class='pindent'>There were three other patients in the hospital now, +a thin boy in the Red Cross from Georgia with malaria, +a nice boy, also thin, from New York, with malaria +and jaundice, and a fine boy who had tried to unscrew +the fuse-cap from a combination shrapnel and +high explosive shell for a souvenir. This was a shrapnel +shell used by the Austrians in the mountains with a +nose-cap which went on after the burst and exploded +on contact.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine Barkley was greatly liked by the nurses +because she would do night duty indefinitely. She had +quite a little work with the malaria people, the boy who +had unscrewed the nose-cap was a friend of ours and +never rang at night, unless it was necessary but between +the times of working we were together. I loved +her very much and she loved me. I slept in the daytime +and we wrote notes during the day when we were +awake and sent them by Ferguson. Ferguson was a +fine girl. I never learned anything about her except +that she had a brother in the Fifty-Second Division +and a brother in Mesopotamia and she was very good +to Catherine Barkley.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Will you come to our wedding, Fergy?” I said to +her once.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll never get married.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We will.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No you won’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why not?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll fight before you’ll marry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We never fight.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ve time yet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We don’t fight.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll die then. Fight or die. That’s what people +do. They don’t marry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I reached for her hand. “Don’t take hold of me,” +she said. “I’m not crying. Maybe you’ll be all right +you two. But watch out you don’t get her in trouble. +You get her in trouble and I’ll kill you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t get her in trouble.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Well watch out then. I hope you’ll be all right. +You have a good time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have a fine time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t fight then and don’t get her into trouble.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Mind you watch out. I don’t want her with any of +these war babies.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a fine girl, Fergy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not. Don’t try to flatter me. How does your +leg feel?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How is your head?” She touched the top of it +with her fingers. It was sensitive like a foot that had +gone to sleep. “It’s never bothered me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A bump like that could make you crazy. It never +bothers you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a lucky young man. Have you the letter +done? I’m going down.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s here,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You ought to ask her not to do night duty for a +while. She’s getting very tired.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I will.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want to do it but she won’t let me. The others +are glad to let her have it. You might give her just a +little rest.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Miss Van Campen spoke about you sleeping all the +forenoons.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She would.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It would be better if you let her stay off nights a +little while.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want her to.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You do not. But if you would make her I’d respect +you for it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll make her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe it.” She took the note and went out. +I rang the bell and in a little while Miss Gage came in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I just wanted to talk to you. Don’t you think Miss +Barkley ought to go off night duty for a while? She +looks awfully tired. Why does she stay on so long?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Miss Gage looked at me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m a friend of yours,” she said. “You don’t have +to talk to me like that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you mean?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t be silly. Was that all you wanted?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want a vermouth?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. Then I have to go.” She got out the +bottle from the armoire and brought a glass.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You take the glass,” I said. “I’ll drink out of the +bottle.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here’s to you,” said Miss Gage.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What did Van Campen say about me sleeping late +in the mornings?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She just jawed about it. She calls you our privileged +patient.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To hell with her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She isn’t mean,” Miss Gage said. “She’s just old +and cranky. She never liked you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Well, I do. And I’m your friend. Don’t forget +that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re awfully damned nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I know who you think is nice. But I’m your +friend. How does your leg feel?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll bring some cold mineral water to pour over it. +It must itch under the cast. It’s hot outside.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re awful nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Does it itch much?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. It’s fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll fix those sandbags better.” She leaned over. +“I’m your friend.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know you are.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No you don’t. But you will some day.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine Barkley took three nights off night duty +and then she came back on again. It was as though we +met again after each of us had been away on a long +journey.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XVIII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>We had a lovely time that summer. When I could +go out we rode in a carriage in the park. I remember +the carriage, the horse going slowly, and up ahead the +back of the driver with his varnished high hat, and +Catherine Barkley sitting beside me. If we let our +hands touch, just the side of my hand touching hers, +we were excited. Afterward when I could get around +on crutches we went to dinner at Biffi’s or the Gran +Italia and sat at the tables outside on the floor of the +galleria. The waiters came in and out and there were +people going by and candles with shades on the tablecloths +and after we decided that we liked the Gran +Italia best, George, the head-waiter, saved us a table. +He was a fine waiter and we let him order the meal +while we looked at the people, and the great galleria in +the dusk, and each other. We drank dry white capri +iced in a bucket; although we tried many of the other +wines, fresa, barbera and the sweet white wines. They +had no wine waiter because of the war and George +would smile ashamedly when I asked about wines like +fresa.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you imagine a country that makes a wine because +it tastes like strawberries,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why shouldn’t it?” Catherine asked. “It sounds +splendid.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You try it, lady,” said George, “if you want to. +But let me bring a little bottle of margaux for the +Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll try it too, George.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sir, I can’t recommend you to. It doesn’t even +taste like strawberries.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It might,” said Catherine. “It would be wonderful +if it did.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll bring it,” said George, “and when the Lady is +satisfied I’ll take it away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was not much of a wine. As he said, it did not +even taste like strawberries. We went back to capri. +One evening I was short of money and George loaned +me a hundred lire. “That’s all right, Tenente,” he said. +“I know how it is. I know how a man gets short. If +you or the lady need money I’ve always got money.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>After dinner we walked through the galleria, past +the other restaurants and the shops with their steel +shutters down, and stopped at the little place where +they sold sandwiches; ham and lettuce sandwiches and +anchovy sandwiches made of very tiny brown glazed +rolls and only about as long as your finger. They were +to eat in the night when we were hungry. Then we got +into an open carriage outside the galleria in front of +the cathedral and rode to the hospital. At the door of +the hospital the porter came out to help with the +crutches. I paid the driver, and then we rode upstairs +in the elevator. Catherine got off at the lower floor +where the nurses lived and I went on up and went +down the hall on crutches to my room; sometimes I undressed +and got into bed and sometimes I sat out on the +balcony with my leg up on another chair and watched +the swallows over the roofs and waited for Catherine. +When she came upstairs it was as though she had been +away on a long trip and I went along the hall with her +on the crutches and carried the basins and waited outside +the doors, or went in with her; it depending on +whether they were friends of ours or not, and when +she had done all there was to be done we sat out on the +balcony outside my room. Afterward I went to bed +and when they were all asleep and she was sure they +would not call she came in. I loved to take her hair +down and she sat on the bed and kept very still, except +suddenly she would dip down to kiss me while I was +doing it, and I would take out the pins and lay them +on the sheet and it would be loose and I would watch +her while she kept very still and then take out the last +two pins and it would all come down and she would +drop her head and we would both be inside of it, and it +was the feeling of inside a tent or behind a falls.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She had wonderfully beautiful hair and I would lie +sometimes and watch her twisting it up in the light that +came in the open door and it shone even in the night as +water shines sometimes just before it is really daylight. +She had a lovely face and body and lovely smooth skin +too. We would be lying together and I would touch +her cheeks and her forehead and under her eyes and +her chin and throat with the tips of my fingers and say, +“Smooth as piano keys,” and she would stroke my chin +with her finger and say, “Smooth as emery paper and +very hard on piano keys.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is it rough?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, darling. I was just making fun of you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was lovely in the nights and if we could only +touch each other we were happy. Besides all the big +times we had many small ways of making love and we +tried putting thoughts in the other one’s head while we +were in different rooms. It seemed to work sometimes +but that was probably because we were thinking the +same thing anyway.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We said to each other that we were married the first +day she had come to the hospital and we counted +months from our wedding day. I wanted to be really +married but Catherine said that if we were they would +send her away and if we merely started on the formalities +they would watch her and would break us up. +We would have to be married under Italian law and +the formalities were terrific. I wanted us to be married +really because I worried about having a child if I +thought about it, but we pretended to ourselves we were +married and did not worry much and I suppose I enjoyed +not being married, really. I know one night we +talked about it and Catherine said, “But, darling, +they’d send me away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe they wouldn’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They would. They’d send me home and then we +would be apart until after the war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d come on leave.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You couldn’t get to Scotland and back on a leave. +Besides, I won’t leave you. What good would it do to +marry now? We’re really married. I couldn’t be any +more married.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I only wanted to for you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There isn’t any me. I’m you. Don’t make up a +separate me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I thought girls always wanted to be married.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They do. But, darling, I am married. I’m married +to you. Don’t I make you a good wife?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a lovely wife.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see, darling, I had one experience of waiting +to be married.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want to hear about it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You know I don’t love any one but you. You +shouldn’t mind because some one else loved me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You shouldn’t be jealous of some one who’s dead +when you have everything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, but I don’t want to hear about it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Poor darling. And I know you’ve been with all +kinds of girls and it doesn’t matter to me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Couldn’t we be married privately some way? Then +if anything happened to me or if you had a child.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s no way to be married except by church or +state. We are married privately. You see, darling, it +would mean everything to me if I had any religion. +But I haven’t any religion.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You gave me the Saint Anthony.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was for luck. Some one gave it to me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then nothing worries you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Only being sent away from you. You’re my religion. +You’re all I’ve got.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. But I’ll marry you the day you say.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t talk as though you had to make an honest +woman of me, darling. I’m a very honest woman. You +can’t be ashamed of something if you’re only happy +and proud of it. Aren’t you happy?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But you won’t ever leave me for some one else.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, darling. I won’t ever leave you for some one +else. I suppose all sorts of dreadful things will happen +to us. But you don’t have to worry about that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t. But I love you so much and you did love +some one else before.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And what happened to him?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He died.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes and if he hadn’t I wouldn’t have met you. I’m +not unfaithful, darling. I’ve plenty of faults but I’m +very faithful. You’ll be sick of me I’ll be so faithful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll have to go back to the front pretty soon.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We won’t think about that until you go. You see +I’m happy, darling, and we have a lovely time. I +haven’t been happy for a long time and when I met you +perhaps I was nearly crazy. Perhaps I was crazy. But +now we’re happy and we love each other. Do let’s +please just be happy. You are happy, aren’t you? Is +there anything I do you don’t like? Can I do anything +to please you? Would you like me to take down my +hair? Do you want to play?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes and come to bed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I’ll go and see the patients first.”</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XIX</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>The summer went that way. I do not remember +much about the days, except that they were hot and +that there were many victories in the papers. I was +very healthy and my legs healed quickly so that it +was not very long after I was first on crutches before +I was through with them and walking with a cane. +Then I started treatments at the Ospedale Maggiore +for bending the knees, mechanical treatments, baking +in a box of mirrors with violet rays, massage, and +baths. I went over there afternoons and afterward +stopped at the café and had a drink and read the papers. +I did not roam around the town; but wanted to get +home to the hospital from the café. All I wanted was to +see Catherine. The rest of the time I was glad to kill. +Mostly I slept in the mornings, and in the afternoons, +sometimes, I went to the races, and late to the mechano-therapy +treatments. Sometimes I stopped in at +the Anglo-American Club and sat in a deep leather-cushioned +chair in front of the window and read the +magazines. They would not let us go out together +when I was off crutches because it was unseemly for +a nurse to be seen unchaperoned with a patient who did +not look as though he needed attendance, so we were +not together much in the afternoons. Although sometimes +we could go out to dinner if Ferguson went +along. Miss Van Campen had accepted the status that +we were great friends because she got a great amount +of work out of Catherine. She thought Catherine +came from very good people and that prejudiced her +in her favor finally. Miss Van Campen admired family +very much and came from an excellent family herself. +The hospital was quite busy, too, and that kept +her occupied. It was a hot summer and I knew many +people in Milan but always was anxious to get back +home to the hospital as soon as the afternoon was over. +At the front they were advancing on the Carso, they +had taken Kuk across from Plava and were taking the +Bainsizza plateau. The West front did not sound so +good. It looked as though the war were going on for +a long time. We were in the war now but I thought it +would take a year to get any great amount of troops +over and train them for combat. Next year would be +a bad year, or a good year maybe. The Italians were +using up an awful amount of men. I did not see how +it could go on. Even if they took all the Bainsizza and +Monte San Gabriele there were plenty of mountains +beyond for the Austrians. I had seen them. All the +highest mountains were beyond. On the Carso they +were going forward but there were marshes and +swamps down by the sea. Napoleon would have +whipped the Austrians on the plains. He never would +have fought them in the mountains. He would have +let them come down and whipped them around Verona. +Still nobody was whipping any one on the Western +front. Perhaps wars weren’t won any more. Maybe +they went on forever. Maybe it was another Hundred +Years’ War. I put the paper back on the rack and left +the club. I went down the steps carefully and walked +up the Via Manzoni. Outside the Gran Hotel I met +old Meyers and his wife getting out of a carriage. They +were coming back from the races. She was a big-busted +woman in black satin. He was short and old, +with a white mustache and walked flat-footed with a +cane.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you do? How do you do?” She shook +hands. “Hello,” said Meyers.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How were the races?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine. They were just lovely. I had three winners.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How did you do?” I asked Meyers.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I had a winner.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I never know how he does,” Mrs. Meyers said. +“He never tells me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do all right,” Meyers said. He was being cordial. +“You ought to come out.” While he talked you had the +impression that he was not looking at you or that he +mistook you for some one else.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m coming up to the hospital to see you,” Mrs. +Meyers said. “I have some things for my boys. You’re +all my boys. You certainly are my dear boys.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’ll be glad to see you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Those dear boys. You too. You’re one of my +boys.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have to get back,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You give my love to all those dear boys. I’ve got +lots of things to bring. I’ve some fine Marsala and +cakes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by,” I said. “They’ll be awfully glad to see +you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by,” said Meyers. “You come around to the +galleria. You know where my table is. We’re all there +every afternoon.” I went on up the street. I wanted +to buy something at the Cova to take to Catherine. Inside, +at the Cova, I bought a box of chocolate and while +the girl wrapped it up I walked over to the bar. There +were a couple of British and some aviators. I had a +martini alone, paid for it, picked up the box of chocolate +at the outside counter and walked on home toward +the hospital. Outside the little bar up the street from +the Scala there were some people I knew, a vice-consul, +two fellows who studied singing, and Ettore Moretti, +an Italian from San Francisco who was in the Italian +army. I had a drink with them. One of the singers +was named Ralph Simmons, and he was singing under +the name of Enrico DelCredo. I never knew how well +he could sing but he was always on the point of something +very big happening. He was fat and looked +shopworn around the nose and mouth as though he +had hayfever. He had come back from singing in +Piacenza. He had sung Tosca and it had been wonderful.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course you’ve never heard me sing,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When will you sing here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll be at the Scala in the fall.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll bet they throw the benches at you,” Ettore said. +“Did you hear how they threw the benches at him in +Modena?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a damned lie.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They threw the benches at him,” Ettore said. “I +was there. I threw six benches myself.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re just a wop from Frisco.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He can’t pronounce Italian,” Ettore said. “Everywhere +he goes they throw the benches at him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Piacenza’s the toughest house to sing in the north +of Italy,” the other tenor said. “Believe me that’s a +tough little house to sing.” This tenor’s name was Edgar +Saunders, and he sang under the name of Edouardo +Giovanni.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d like to be there to see them throw the benches at +you,” Ettore said. “You can’t sing Italian.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s a nut,” said Edgar Saunders. “All he knows +how to say is throw benches.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s all they know how to do when you two +sing,” Ettore said. “Then when you go to America +you’ll tell about your triumphs at the Scala. They +wouldn’t let you get by the first note at the Scala.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll sing at the Scala,” Simmons said. “I’m going +to sing Tosca in October.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll go, won’t we, Mac?” Ettore said to the vice-consul. +“They’ll need somebody to protect them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe the American army will be there to protect +them,” the vice-consul said. “Do you want another +drink, Simmons? You want a drink, Saunders?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” said Saunders.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hear you’re going to get the silver medal,” Ettore +said to me. “What kind of citation you going to get?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. I don’t know I’m going to get it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re going to get it. Oh boy, the girls at the +Cova will think you’re fine then. They’ll all think you +killed two hundred Austrians or captured a whole +trench by yourself. Believe me, I got to work for my +decorations.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How many have you got, Ettore?” asked the vice-consul.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s got everything,” Simmons said. “He’s the +boy they’re running the war for.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve got the bronze twice and three silver medals,” +said Ettore. “But the papers on only one have come +through.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter with the others?” asked Simmons.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The action wasn’t successful,” said Ettore. “When +the action isn’t successful they hold up all the medals.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How many times have you been wounded, Ettore?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Three times bad. I got three wound stripes. See?” +He pulled his sleeve around. The stripes were parallel +silver lines on a black background sewed to the cloth +of the sleeve about eight inches below the shoulder.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You got one too,” Ettore said to me. “Believe me +they’re fine to have. I’d rather have them than medals. +Believe me, boy, when you get three you’ve got something. +You only get one for a wound that puts you +three months in the hospital.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where were you wounded, Ettore?” asked the vice-consul.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Ettore pulled up his sleeve. “Here,” he showed the +deep smooth red scar. “Here on my leg. I can’t show +you that because I got puttees on; and in the foot. +There’s dead bone in my foot that stinks right now. +Every morning I take new little pieces out and it stinks +all the time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What hit you?” asked Simmons.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A hand-grenade. One of those potato mashers. It +just blew the whole side of my foot off. You know +those potato mashers?” He turned to me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sure.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I saw the son of a bitch throw it,” Ettore said. “It +knocked me down and I thought I was dead all right +but those damn potato mashers haven’t got anything +in them. I shot the son of a bitch with my rifle. I always +carry a rifle so they can’t tell I’m an officer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How did he look?” asked Simmons.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was the only one he had,” Ettore said. “I +don’t know why he threw it. I guess he always wanted +to throw one. He never saw any real fighting probably. +I shot the son of a bitch all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How did he look when you shot him?” Simmons +asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hell, how should I know,” said Ettore. “I shot him +in the belly. I was afraid I’d miss him if I shot him +in the head.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How long have you been an officer, Ettore?” I +asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Two years. I’m going to be a captain. How long +have you been a lieutenant?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Going on three years.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can’t be a captain because you don’t know the +Italian language well enough,” Ettore said. “You can +talk but you can’t read and write well enough. You +got to have an education to be a captain. Why don’t +you go in the American army?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe I will.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish to God I could. Oh, boy, how much does a +captain get, Mac?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know exactly. Around two hundred and +fifty dollars, I think.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Jesus Christ what I could do with two hundred +and fifty dollars. You better get in the American army +quick, Fred. See if you can’t get me in.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can command a company in Italian. I could learn +it in English easy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’d be a general,” said Simmons.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, I don’t know enough to be a general. A general’s +got to know a hell of a lot. You guys think there +ain’t anything to war. You ain’t got brains enough to +be a second-class corporal.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank God I don’t have to be,” Simmons said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe you will if they round up all you slackers. +Oh, boy, I’d like to have you two in my platoon. Mac +too. I’d make you my orderly, Mac.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a great boy, Ettore,” Mac said. “But I’m +afraid you’re a militarist.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll be a colonel before the war’s over,” Ettore said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If they don’t kill you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They won’t kill me.” He touched the stars at his +collar with his thumb and forefinger. “See me do that? +We always touch our stars if anybody mentions getting +killed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s go, Sim,” said Saunders standing up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So long,” I said. “I have to go too.” It was a +quarter to six by the clock inside the bar. “Ciaou, Ettore.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ciaou, Fred,” said Ettore. “That’s pretty fine +you’re going to get the silver medal.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know I’ll get it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll get it all right, Fred. I heard you were going +to get it all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Well, so long,” I said. “Keep out of trouble, Ettore.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t worry about me. I don’t drink and I don’t +run around. I’m no boozer and whorehound. I know +what’s good for me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So long,” I said. “I’m glad you’re going to be promoted +captain.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t have to wait to be promoted. I’m going to +be a captain for merit of war. You know. Three stars +with the crossed swords and crown above. That’s me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good luck.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good luck. When you going back to the front?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Pretty soon.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Well, I’ll see you around.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So long.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So long. Don’t take any bad nickels.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I walked on down a back street that led to a cross-cut +to the hospital. Ettore was twenty-three. He had +been brought up by an uncle in San Francisco and was +visiting his father and mother in Torino when war was +declared. He had a sister, who had been sent to America +with him at the same time to live with the uncle, +who would graduate from normal school this year. +He was a legitimate hero who bored every one he met. +Catherine could not stand him.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have heroes too,” she said. “But usually, darling, +they’re much quieter.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t mind him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wouldn’t mind him if he wasn’t so conceited and +didn’t bore me, and bore me, and bore me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He bores me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re sweet to say so, darling. But you don’t +need to. You can picture him at the front and you +know he’s useful but he’s so much the type of boy I +don’t care for.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re awfully sweet to know, and I try and like +him but he’s a dreadful, dreadful boy really.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He said this afternoon he was going to be a captain.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m glad,” said Catherine. “That should please +him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wouldn’t you like me to have some more exalted +rank?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, darling. I only want you to have enough rank +so that we’re admitted to the better restaurants.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s just the rank I have.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have a splendid rank. I don’t want you to +have any more rank. It might go to your head. Oh, +darling, I’m awfully glad you’re not conceited. I’d +have married you even if you were conceited but it’s +very restful to have a husband who’s not conceited.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We were talking softly out on the balcony. The +moon was supposed to rise but there was a mist over +the town and it did not come up and in a little while +it started to drizzle and we came in. Outside the mist +turned to rain and in a little while it was raining hard +and we heard it drumming on the roof. I got up and +stood at the door to see if it was raining in but it wasn’t, +so I left the door open.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who else did you see?” Catherine asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Mr. and Mrs. Meyers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’re a strange lot.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s supposed to have been in the penitentiary at +home. They let him out to die.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And he lived happily in Milan forever after.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know how happily.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Happily enough after jail I should think.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She’s bringing some things here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She brings splendid things. Were you her dear +boy?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“One of them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are all her dear boys,” Catherine said. “She +prefers the dear boys. Listen to it rain.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s raining hard.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And you’ll always love me, won’t you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And the rain won’t make any difference?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s good. Because I’m afraid of the rain.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why?” I was sleepy. Outside the rain was falling +steadily.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know, darling. I’ve always been afraid of +the rain.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I like it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I like to walk in it. But it’s very hard on loving.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll love you always.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll love you in the rain and in the snow and in the +hail and—what else is there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. I guess I’m sleepy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go to sleep, darling, and I’ll love you no matter +how it is.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re not really afraid of the rain are you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not when I’m with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why are you afraid of it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t make me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I’m afraid of the rain because sometimes +I see me dead in it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And sometimes I see you dead in it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s more likely.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No it’s not, darling. Because I can keep you safe. +I know I can. But nobody can help themselves.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please stop it. I don’t want you to get Scotch and +crazy to-night. We won’t be together much longer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, but I am Scotch and crazy. But I’ll stop it. +It’s all nonsense.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes it’s all nonsense.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all nonsense. It’s only nonsense. I’m not afraid +of the rain. I’m not afraid of the rain. Oh, oh, God, +I wish I wasn’t.” She was crying. I comforted her +and she stopped crying. But outside it kept on raining.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XX</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>One day in the afternoon we went to the races. Ferguson +went too and Crowell Rodgers, the boy who had +been wounded in the eyes by the explosion of the shell +nose-cap. The girls dressed to go after lunch while +Crowell and I sat on the bed in his room and read the +past performances of the horses and the predictions in +the racing paper. Crowell’s head was bandaged and +he did not care much about these races but read the racing +paper constantly and kept track of all the horses for +something to do. He said the horses were a terrible +lot but they were all the horses we had. Old Meyers +liked him and gave him tips. Meyers won on nearly +every race but disliked to give tips because it brought +down the prices. The racing was very crooked. Men +who had been ruled off the turf everywhere else were +racing in Italy. Meyers’ information was good but I +hated to ask him because sometimes he did not answer, +and always you could see it hurt him to tell you, but he +felt obligated to tell us for some reason and he hated +less to tell Crowell. Crowell’s eyes had been hurt, one +was hurt badly, and Meyers had trouble with his eyes +and so he liked Crowell. Meyers never told his wife +what horses he was playing and she won or lost, mostly +lost, and talked all the time.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We four drove out to San Siro in an open carriage. +It was a lovely day and we drove out through the park +and out along the tramway and out of town where the +road was dusty. There were villas with iron fences and +big overgrown gardens and ditches with water flowing +and green vegetable gardens with dust on the leaves. +We could look across the plain and see farmhouses +and the rich green farms with their irrigation ditches +and the mountains to the north. There were many carriages +going into the race track and the men at the +gate let us in without cards because we were in uniform. +We left the carriage, bought programmes, and +walked across the infield and then across the smooth +thick turf of the course to the paddock. The grand +stands were old and made of wood and the betting +booths were under the stands and in a row out near the +stables. There was a crowd of soldiers along the fence +in the infield. The paddock was fairly well filled with +people and they were walking the horses around in a +ring under the trees behind the grand-stand. We saw +people we knew and got chairs for Ferguson and +Catherine and watched the horses.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They went around, one after the other, their heads +down, the grooms leading them. One horse, a purplish +black, Crowell swore was dyed that color. We +watched him and it seemed possible. He had only +come out just before the bell rang to saddle. We looked +him up in the programme from the number on the +groom’s arm and it was listed a black gelding named +Japalac. The race was for horses that had never won +a race worth one thousand lire or more. Catherine +was sure his color had been changed. Ferguson said +she could not tell. I thought he looked suspicious. We +all agreed we ought to back him and pooled one hundred +lire. The odds sheets showed he would pay thirty-five +to one. Crowell went over and bought the tickets +while we watched the jockeys ride around once more +and then go out under the trees to the track and gallop +slowly up to the turn where the start was to be.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went up in the grand-stand to watch the race. +They had no elastic barrier at San Siro then and the +starter lined up all the horses, they looked very small +way up the track, and then sent them off with a crack +of his long whip. They came past us with the black +horse well in front and on the turn he was running +away from the others. I watched them on the far side +with the glasses and saw the jockey fighting to hold +him in but he could not hold him and when they came +around the turn and into the stretch the black horse +was fifteen lengths ahead of the others. He went way +on up and around the turn after the finish.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Isn’t it wonderful,” Catherine said. “We’ll have +over three thousand lire. He must be a splendid horse.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope his color doesn’t run,” Crowell said, “before +they pay off.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He was really a lovely horse,” Catherine said. “I +wonder if Mr. Meyers backed him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you have the winner?” I called to Meyers. He +nodded.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I didn’t,” Mrs. Meyers said. “Who did you children +bet on?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Japalac.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Really? He’s thirty-five to one!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We liked his color.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I didn’t. I thought he looked seedy. They told me +not to back him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He won’t pay much,” Meyers said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s marked thirty-five to one in the quotes,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He won’t pay much. At the last minute,” Meyers +said, “they put a lot of money on him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Kempton and the boys. You’ll see. He won’t pay +two to one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then we won’t get three thousand lire,” Catherine +said. “I don’t like this crooked racing!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll get two hundred lire.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s nothing. That doesn’t do us any good. I +thought we were going to get three thousand.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s crooked and disgusting,” Ferguson said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course,” said Catherine, “if it hadn’t been +crooked we’d never have backed him at all. But I +would have liked the three thousand lire.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s go down and get a drink and see what they +pay,” Crowell said. We went out to where they posted +the numbers and the bell rang to pay off and they put +up 18.50 after Japalac to win. That meant he paid less +than even money on a ten-lira bet.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went to the bar under the grand stand and had +a whiskey and soda apiece. We ran into a couple of +Italians we knew and McAdams, the vice-consul, and +they came up with us when we joined the girls. The +Italians were full of manners and McAdams talked to +Catherine while we went down to bet again. Mr. Meyers +was standing near the pari-mutual.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ask him what he played,” I said to Crowell.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What are you on, Mr. Meyers?” Crowell asked. +Meyers took out his programme and pointed to the +number five with his pencil.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you mind if we play him too?” Crowell asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go ahead. Go ahead. But don’t tell my wife I +gave it to you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Will you have a drink?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No thanks. I never drink.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We put a hundred lire on number five to win and a +hundred to place and then had another whiskey and +soda apiece. I was feeling very good and we picked up +a couple more Italians, who each had a drink with us, +and went back to the girls. These Italians were also +very mannered and matched manners with the two we +had collected before. In a little while no one could sit +down. I gave the tickets to Catherine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What horse is it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. Mr. Meyers’ choice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you even know the name?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. You can find it on the programme. Number +five I think.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have touching faith,” she said. The number +five won but did not pay anything. Mr. Meyers was +angry.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have to put up two hundred lire to make +twenty,” he said. “Twelve lire for ten. It’s not worth +it. My wife lost twenty lire.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll go down with you,” Catherine said to me. The +Italians all stood up. We went downstairs and out to +the paddock.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you like this?” Catherine asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I guess I do.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all right, I suppose,” she said. “But, darling, I +can’t stand to see so many people.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We don’t see many.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. But those Meyers and the man from the bank +with his wife and daughters——”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He cashes my sight drafts,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes but some one else would if he didn’t. Those +last four boys were awful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We can stay out here and watch the race from the +fence.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That will be lovely. And, darling, let’s back a horse +we’ve never heard of and that Mr. Meyers won’t be +backing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We backed a horse named Light For Me that finished +fourth in a field of five. We leaned on the fence +and watched the horses go by, their hoofs thudding as +they went past, and saw the mountains off in the distance +and Milan beyond the trees and the fields.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I feel so much cleaner,” Catherine said. The horses +were coming back, through the gate, wet and sweating, +the jockeys quieting them and riding up to dismount +under the trees.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wouldn’t you like a drink? We could have one out +here and see the horses.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll get them,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The boy will bring them,” Catherine said. She put +her hand up and the boy came out from the Pagoda +bar beside the stables. We sat down at a round iron +table.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you like it better when we’re alone?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I felt very lonely when they were all there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s grand here,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. It’s really a pretty course.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t let me spoil your fun, darling. I’ll go back +whenever you want.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “We’ll stay here and have our drink. +Then we’ll go down and stand at the water jump for +the steeplechase.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re awfully good to me,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>After we had been alone awhile we were glad to see +the others again. We had a good time.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXI</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>In September the first cool nights came, then the +days were cool and the leaves on the trees in the park +began to turn color and we knew the summer was gone. +The fighting at the front went very badly and they +could not take San Gabriele. The fighting on the Bainsizza +plateau was over and by the middle of the month +the fighting for San Gabriele was about over too. They +could not take it. Ettore was gone back to the front. +The horses were gone to Rome and there was no more +racing. Crowell had gone to Rome too, to be sent back +to America. There were riots twice in the town against +the war and bad rioting in Turin. A British major at +the club told me the Italians had lost one hundred and +fifty thousand men on the Bainsizza plateau and on +San Gabriele. He said they had lost forty thousand +on the Carso besides. We had a drink and he talked. +He said the fighting was over for the year down here +and that the Italians had bitten off more than they +could chew. He said the offensive in Flanders was going +to the bad. If they killed men as they did this fall +the Allies would be cooked in another year. He said +we were all cooked but we were all right as long as we +did not know it. We were all cooked. The thing was +not to recognize it. The last country to realize they +were cooked would win the war. We had another +drink. Was I on somebody’s staff? No. He was. It +was all balls. We were alone in the club sitting back in +one of the big leather sofas. His boots were smoothly +polished dull leather. They were beautiful boots. He +said it was all balls. They thought only in divisions +and man-power. They all squabbled about divisions +and only killed them when they got them. They were +all cooked. The Germans won the victories. By God +they were soldiers. The old Hun was a soldier. But +they were cooked too. We were all cooked. I asked +about Russia. He said they were cooked already. I’d +soon see they were cooked. Then the Austrians were +cooked too. If they got some Hun divisions they could +do it. Did he think they would attack this fall? Of +course they would. The Italians were cooked. Everybody +knew they were cooked. The old Hun would come +down through the Trentino and cut the railway at Vicenza +and then where would the Italians be? They +tried that in ’sixteen, I said. Not with Germans. Yes, +I said. But they probably wouldn’t do that, he said. +It was too simple. They’d try something complicated +and get royally cooked. I had to go, I said. I had to +get back to the hospital. “Good-by,” he said. Then +cheerily, “Every sort of luck!” There was a great contrast +between his world pessimism and personal cheeriness.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I stopped at a barber shop and was shaved and went +home to the hospital. My leg was as well as it would +get for a long time. I had been up for examination +three days before. There were still some treatments to +take before my course at the Ospedale Maggiore was +finished and I walked along the side street practising +not limping. An old man was cutting silhouettes under +an arcade. I stopped to watch him. Two girls were +posing and he cut their silhouettes together, snipping +very fast and looking at them, his head on one side. +The girls were giggling. He showed me the silhouettes +before he pasted them on white paper and handed +them to the girls.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’re beautiful,” he said. “How about you, +Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The girls went away looking at their silhouettes and +laughing. They were nice-looking girls. One of them +worked in the wine shop across from the hospital.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take your cap off.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. With it on.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It will not be so beautiful,” the old man said. “But,” +he brightened, “it will be more military.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He snipped away at the black paper, then separated +the two thicknesses and pasted the profiles on a card +and handed them to me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How much?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s all right.” He waved his hand. “I just made +them for you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please.” I brought out some coppers. “For pleasure.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I did them for a pleasure. Give them to your +girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Many thanks until we meet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Until I see thee.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went on to the hospital. There were some letters, +an official one, and some others. I was to have three +weeks’ convalescent leave and then return to the front. +I read it over carefully. Well, that was that. The convalescent +leave started October fourth when my course +was finished. Three weeks was twenty-one days. That +made October twenty-fifth. I told them I would not +be in and went to the restaurant a little way up the +street from the hospital for supper and read my letters +and the <span class='it'>Corriere Della Sera</span> at the table. There was a +letter from my grandfather, containing family news, +patriotic encouragement, a draft for two hundred dollars, +and a few clippings; a dull letter from the priest +at our mess, a letter from a man I knew who was flying +with the French and had gotten in with a wild gang +and was telling about it, and a note from Rinaldi asking +me how long I was going to skulk in Milano and +what was all the news? He wanted me to bring him +phonograph records and enclosed a list. I drank a +small bottle of chianti with the meal, had a coffee afterward +with a glass of cognac, finished the paper, put my +letters in my pocket, left the paper on the table with +the tip and went out. In my room at the hospital I undressed, +put on pajamas and a dressing-gown, pulled +down the curtains on the door that opened onto the balcony +and sitting up in bed read Boston papers from a +pile Mrs. Meyers had left for her boys at the hospital. +The Chicago White Sox were winning the American +League pennant and the New York Giants were leading +the National League. Babe Ruth was a pitcher +then playing for Boston. The papers were dull, the +news was local and stale, and the war news was all old. +The American news was all training camps. I was glad +I wasn’t in a training camp. The baseball news was +all I could read and I did not have the slightest interest +in it. A number of papers together made it impossible +to read with interest. It was not very timely but I read +at it for a while. I wondered if America really got +into the war, if they would close down the major +leagues. They probably wouldn’t. There was still racing +in Milan and the war could not be much worse. +They had stopped racing in France. That was where +our horse Japalac came from. Catherine was not due +on duty until nine o’clock. I heard her passing along +the floor when she first came on duty and once saw her +pass in the hall. She went to several other rooms and +finally came into mine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m late, darling,” she said. “There was a lot to do. +How are you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I told her about my papers and the leave.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s lovely,” she said. “Where do you want to +go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nowhere. I want to stay here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s silly. You pick a place to go and I’ll come +too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How will you work it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. But I will.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re pretty wonderful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No I’m not. But life isn’t hard to manage when +you’ve nothing to lose.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you mean?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing. I was only thinking how small obstacles +seemed that once were so big.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I should think it might be hard to manage.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No it won’t, darling. If necessary I’ll simply leave. +But it won’t come to that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where should we go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t care. Anywhere you want. Anywhere we +don’t know people.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you care where we go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I’ll like any place.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She seemed upset and taut.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter, Catherine?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing. Nothing’s the matter.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes there is.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No nothing. Really nothing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know there is. Tell me, darling. You can tell +me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s nothing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want to. I’m afraid I’ll make you unhappy +or worry you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No it won’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re sure? It doesn’t worry me but I’m afraid +to worry you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It won’t if it doesn’t worry you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want to tell.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do I have to?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m going to have a baby, darling. It’s almost three +months along. You’re not worried, are you? Please +please don’t. You mustn’t worry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is it all right?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I did everything. I took everything but it didn’t +make any difference.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not worried.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I couldn’t help it, darling, and I haven’t worried +about it. You mustn’t worry or feel badly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I only worry about you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s it. That’s what you mustn’t do. People +have babies all the time. Everybody has babies. It’s +a natural thing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re pretty wonderful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No I’m not. But you mustn’t mind, darling. I’ll +try and not make trouble for you. I know I’ve made +trouble now. But haven’t I been a good girl until now? +You never knew it, did you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It will all be like that. You simply mustn’t worry. +I can see you’re worrying. Stop it. Stop it right away. +Wouldn’t you like a drink, darling? I know a drink +always makes you feel cheerful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I feel cheerful. And you’re pretty wonderful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No I’m not. But I’ll fix everything to be together +if you pick out a place for us to go. It ought to be +lovely in October. We’ll have a lovely time, darling, +and I’ll write you every day while you’re at the front.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where will you be?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know yet. But somewhere splendid. I’ll +look after all that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We were quiet awhile and did not talk. Catherine +was sitting on the bed and I was looking at her but we +did not touch each other. We were apart as when some +one comes into a room and people are self-conscious. +She put out her hand and took mine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You aren’t angry are you, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And you don’t feel trapped?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe a little. But not by you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I didn’t mean by me. You mustn’t be stupid. I +meant trapped at all.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You always feel trapped biologically.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She went away a long way without stirring or removing +her hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“ ‘Always’ isn’t a pretty word.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m sorry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all right. But you see I’ve never had a baby +and I’ve never even loved any one. And I’ve tried to be +the way you wanted and then you talk about ‘always.’ ”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I could cut off my tongue,” I offered.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, darling!” she came back from wherever she +had been. “You mustn’t mind me.” We were both together +again and the self-consciousness was gone. “We +really are the same one and we mustn’t misunderstand +on purpose.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We won’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But people do. They love each other and they misunderstand +on purpose and they fight and then suddenly +they aren’t the same one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We won’t fight.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We mustn’t. Because there’s only us two and in +the world there’s all the rest of them. If anything +comes between us we’re gone and then they have us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They won’t get us,” I said. “Because you’re too +brave. Nothing ever happens to the brave.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They die of course.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But only once.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. Who said that?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave but +one?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course. Who said it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He was probably a coward,” she said. “He knew +a great deal about cowards but nothing about the brave. +The brave dies perhaps two thousand deaths if he’s intelligent. +He simply doesn’t mention them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. It’s hard to see inside the head of +the brave.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. That’s how they keep that way.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re an authority.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re right, darling. That was deserved.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re brave.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” she said. “But I would like to be.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not,” I said, “I know where I stand. I’ve been +out long enough to know. I’m like a ball-player that +bats two hundred and thirty and knows he’s no better.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is a ball-player that bats two hundred and +thirty? It’s awfully impressive.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not. It means a mediocre hitter in baseball.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But still a hitter,” she prodded me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I guess we’re both conceited,” I said. “But you are +brave.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. But I hope to be.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’re both brave,” I said. “And I’m very brave +when I’ve had a drink.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’re splendid people,” Catherine said. She went +over to the armoire and brought me the cognac and a +glass. “Have a drink, darling,” she said. “You’ve +been awfully good.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t really want one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.” I poured the water glass a third full +of cognac and drank it off.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was very big,” she said. “I know brandy is +for heroes. But you shouldn’t exaggerate.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where will we live after the war?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In an old people’s home probably,” she said. “For +three years I looked forward very childishly to the war +ending at Christmas. But now I look forward till when +our son will be a lieutenant commander.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe he’ll be a general.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If it’s an hundred years’ war he’ll have time to try +both of the services.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you want a drink?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. It always makes you happy, darling, and it +only makes me dizzy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Didn’t you ever drink brandy?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, darling. I’m a very old-fashioned wife.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I reached down to the floor for the bottle and poured +another drink.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d better go to have a look at your compatriots,” +Catherine said. “Perhaps you’ll read the papers until +I come back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you have to go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now or later.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. Now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll come back later.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll have finished the papers,” I said.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>It turned cold that night and the next day it was +raining. Coming home from the Ospedale Maggiore +it rained very hard and I was wet when I came in. Up +in my room the rain was coming down heavily outside +on the balcony, and the wind blew it against the glass +doors. I changed my clothing and drank some brandy +but the brandy did not taste good. I felt sick in the +night and in the morning after breakfast I was nauseated.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There is no doubt about it,” the house surgeon said. +“Look at the whites of his eyes, Miss.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Miss Gage looked. They had me look in a glass. The +whites of the eyes were yellow and it was the jaundice. +I was sick for two weeks with it. For that reason we +did not spend a convalescent leave together. We had +planned to go to Pallanza on Lago Maggiore. It is +nice there in the fall when the leaves turn. There are +walks you can take and you can troll for trout in the +lake. It would have been better than Stresa because +there are fewer people at Pallanza. Stresa is so easy +to get to from Milan that there are always people you +know. There is a nice village at Pallanza and you can +row out to the islands where the fishermen live and +there is a restaurant on the biggest island. But we +did not go.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>One day while I was in bed with jaundice Miss Van +Campen came in the room, opened the door into the +armoire and saw the empty bottles there. I had sent a +load of them down by the porter and I believe she must +have seen them going out and come up to find some +more. They were mostly vermouth bottles, marsala bottles, +capri bottles, empty chianti flasks and a few cognac +bottles. The porter had carried out the large bottles, +those that had held vermouth, and the straw-covered +chianti flasks, and left the brandy bottles for the last. +It was the brandy bottles and a bottle shaped like a bear, +which had held kümmel, that Miss Van Campen found. +The bear-shaped bottle enraged her particularly. She +held it up; the bear was sitting up on his haunches with +his paws up; there was a cork in his glass head and a +few sticky crystals at the bottom. I laughed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was kümmel,” I said. “The best kümmel comes +in those bear-shaped bottles. It comes from Russia.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Those are all brandy bottles, aren’t they?” Miss +Van Campen asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t see them all,” I said. “But they probably +are.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How long has this been going on?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I bought them and brought them in myself,” I said. +“I have had Italian officers visit me frequently and I +have kept brandy to offer them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You haven’t been drinking it yourself?” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have also drunk it myself.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Brandy,” she said. “Eleven empty bottles of brandy +and that bear liquid.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Kümmel.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will send for some one to take them away. Those +are all the empty bottles you have?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“For the moment.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And I was pitying you having jaundice. Pity is +something that is wasted on you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I suppose you can’t be blamed for not wanting to +go back to the front. But I should think you would +try something more intelligent than producing jaundice +with alcoholism.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“With what?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“With alcoholism. You heard me say it.” I did +not say anything. “Unless you find something else I’m +afraid you will have to go back to the front when +you are through with your jaundice. I don’t believe +self-inflicted jaundice entitles you to a convalescent +leave.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do not.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you ever had jaundice, Miss Van Campen?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, but I have seen a great deal of it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You noticed how the patients enjoyed it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I suppose it is better than the front.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Miss Van Campen,” I said, “did you ever know a +man who tried to disable himself by kicking himself +in the scrotum?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Miss Van Campen ignored the actual question. She +had to ignore it or leave the room. She was not ready +to leave because she had disliked me for a long time +and she was now cashing in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have known many men to escape the front through +self-inflicted wounds.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That wasn’t the question. I have seen self-inflicted +wounds also. I asked you if you had ever known a +man who had tried to disable himself by kicking himself +in the scrotum. Because that is the nearest sensation +to jaundice and it is a sensation that I believe few +women have ever experienced. That was why I asked +you if you had ever had the jaundice, Miss Van +Campen, because—” Miss Van Campen left the room. +Later Miss Gage came in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What did you say to Van Campen? She was furious.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We were comparing sensations. I was going to +suggest that she had never experienced childbirth——”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a fool,” Gage said. “She’s after your scalp.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She has my scalp,” I said. “She’s lost me my leave +and she might try and get me court-martialled. She’s +mean enough.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She never liked you,” Gage said. “What’s it +about?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She says I’ve drunk myself into jaundice so as +not to go back to the front.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Pooh,” said Gage. “I’ll swear you’ve never taken +a drink. Everybody will swear you’ve never taken a +drink.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She found the bottles.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve told you a hundred times to clear out those +bottles. Where are they now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In the armoire.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you a suitcase?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Put them in that rucksack.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Miss Gage packed the bottles in the rucksack. “I’ll +give them to the porter,” she said. She started for the +door.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just a minute,” Miss Van Campen said. “I’ll take +those bottles.” She had the porter with her. “Carry +them, please,” she said. “I want to show them to the +doctor when I make my report.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She went down the hall. The porter carried the sack. +He knew what was in it.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Nothing happened except that I lost my leave.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXIII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>The night I was to return to the front I sent the +porter down to hold a seat for me on the train when it +came from Turin. The train was to leave at midnight. +It was made up at Turin and reached Milan about half-past +ten at night and lay in the station until time to +leave. You had to be there when it came in, to get a +seat. The porter took a friend with him, a machine-gunner +on leave who worked in a tailor shop, and was +sure that between them they could hold a place. I gave +them money for platform tickets and had them take my +baggage. There was a big rucksack and two musettes.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I said good-by at the hospital at about five o’clock +and went out. The porter had my baggage in his lodge +and I told him I would be at the station a little before +midnight. His wife called me “Signorino” and cried. +She wiped her eyes and shook hands and then cried +again. I patted her on the back and she cried once +more. She had done my mending and was a very short +dumpy, happy-faced woman with white hair. When she +cried her whole face went to pieces. I went down to +the corner where there was a wine shop and waited inside +looking out the window. It was dark outside and +cold and misty. I paid for my coffee and grappa and +I watched the people going by in the light from the +window. I saw Catherine and knocked on the window. +She looked, saw me and smiled, and I went out to meet +her. She was wearing a dark blue cape and a soft felt +hat. We walked along together, along the sidewalk +past the wine shops, then across the market square and +up the street and through the archway to the cathedral +square. There were street-car tracks and beyond them +was the cathedral. It was white and wet in the mist. +We crossed the tram tracks. On our left were the +shops, their windows lighted, and the entrance to the +galleria. There was a fog in the square and when we +came close to the front of the cathedral it was very big +and the stone was wet.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Would you like to go in?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” Catherine said. We walked along. There was +a soldier standing with his girl in the shadow of one of +the stone buttresses ahead of us and we passed them. +They were standing tight up against the stone and he +had put his cape around her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’re like us,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nobody is like us,” Catherine said. She did not +mean it happily.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish they had some place to go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It mightn’t do them any good.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. Everybody ought to have some place +to go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They have the cathedral,” Catherine said. We were +past it now. We crossed the far end of the square and +looked back at the cathedral. It was fine in the mist. +We were standing in front of the leather goods shop. +There were riding boots, a rucksack and ski boots in +the window. Each article was set apart as an exhibit; +the rucksack in the centre, the riding boots on one side +and the ski boots on the other. The leather was dark +and oiled smooth as a used saddle. The electric light +made high lights on the dull oiled leather.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll ski some time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In two months there will be skiing at Mürren,” +Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s go there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” she said. We went on past other windows +and turned down a side street.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve never been this way.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is the way I go to the hospital,” I said. It was +a narrow street and we kept on the right-hand side. +There were many people passing in the fog. There +were shops and all the windows were lighted. We +looked in a window at a pile of cheeses. I stopped in +front of an armorer’s shop.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come in a minute. I have to buy a gun.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What sort of gun?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A pistol.” We went in and I unbuttoned my belt +and laid it with the empty holster on the counter. Two +women were behind the counter. The women brought +out several pistols.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It must fit this,” I said, opening the holster. It +was a gray leather holster and I had bought it secondhand +to wear in the town.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have they good pistols?” Catherine asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’re all about the same. Can I try this one?” +I asked the woman.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have no place now to shoot,” she said. “But it +is very good. You will not make a mistake with it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I snapped it and pulled back the action. The spring +was rather strong but it worked smoothly. I sighted +it and snapped it again.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is used,” the woman said. “It belonged to an officer +who was an excellent shot.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you sell it to him?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How did you get it back?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“From his orderly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe you have mine,” I said. “How much is +this?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fifty lire. It is very cheap.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I want two extra clips and a box of +cartridges.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She brought them from under the counter.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you any need for a sword?” she asked. “I +have some used swords very cheap.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m going to the front,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh yes, then you won’t need a sword,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I paid for the cartridges and the pistol, filled the +magazine and put it in place, put the pistol in my empty +holster, filled the extra clips with cartridges and put +them in the leather slots on the holster and then buckled +on my belt. The pistol felt heavy on the belt. Still, I +thought, it was better to have a regulation pistol. You +could always get shells.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now we’re fully armed,” I said. “That was the one +thing I had to remember to do. Some one got my +other one going to the hospital.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope it’s a good pistol,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Was there anything else?” the woman asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The pistol has a lanyard,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So I noticed.” The woman wanted to sell something +else.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t need a whistle?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The woman said good-by and we went out onto the +sidewalk. Catherine looked in the window. The woman +looked out and bowed to us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What are those little mirrors set in wood for?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’re for attracting birds. They twirl them out +in the field and larks see them and come out and the +Italians shoot them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are an ingenious people,” Catherine said. +“You don’t shoot larks do you, darling, in America?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not especially.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We crossed the street and started to walk up the +other side.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I feel better now,” Catherine said. “I felt terrible +when we started.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We always feel good when we’re together.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We always will be together.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, except that I’m going away at midnight.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t think about it, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We walked on up the street. The fog made the lights +yellow.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Aren’t you tired?” Catherine asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How about you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m all right. It’s fun to walk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But let’s not do it too long.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We turned down a side street where there were no +lights and walked in the street. I stopped and kissed +Catherine. While I kissed her I felt her hand on my +shoulder. She had pulled my cape around her so it +covered both of us. We were standing in the street +against a high wall.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s go some place,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good,” said Catherine. We walked on along the +street until it came out onto a wider street that was +beside a canal. On the other side was a brick wall and +buildings. Ahead, down the street, I saw a street-car +cross a bridge.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We can get a cab up at the bridge,” I said. We +stood on the bridge in the fog waiting for a carriage. +Several street-cars passed, full of people going home. +Then a carriage came along but there was some one in +it. The fog was turning to rain.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We could walk or take a tram,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“One will be along,” I said. “They go by here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here one comes,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The driver stopped his horse and lowered the metal +sign on his meter. The top of the carriage was up and +there were drops of water on the driver’s coat. His +varnished hat was shining in the wet. We sat back in +the seat together and the top of the carriage made it +dark.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where did you tell him to go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To the station. There’s a hotel across from the station +where we can go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We can go the way we are? Without luggage?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was a long ride to the station up side streets in the +rain.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Won’t we have dinner?” Catherine asked. “I’m +afraid I’ll be hungry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll have it in our room.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I haven’t anything to wear. I haven’t even a nightgown.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll get one,” I said and called to the driver.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go to the Via Manzoni and up that.” He nodded +and turned off to the left at the next corner. On the +big street Catherine watched for a shop.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here’s a place,” she said. I stopped the driver and +Catherine got out, walked across the sidewalk and went +inside. I sat back in the carriage and waited for her. +It was raining and I could smell the wet street and the +horse steaming in the rain. She came back with a +package and got in and we drove on.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I was very extravagant, darling,” she said, “but it’s +a fine nightgown.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>At the hotel I asked Catherine to wait in the carriage +while I went in and spoke to the manager. There were +plenty of rooms. Then I went out to the carriage, paid +the driver, and Catherine and I walked in together. +The small boy in buttons carried the package. The +manager bowed us toward the elevator. There was +much red plush and brass. The manager went up in the +elevator with us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Monsieur and Madame wish dinner in their room?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Will you have the menu brought up?” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You wish something special for dinner. Some +game or a soufflet?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The elevator passed three floors with a click each +time, then clicked and stopped.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What have you as game?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I could get a pheasant, or a woodcock.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A woodcock,” I said. We walked down the corridor. +The carpet was worn. There were many doors. The +manager stopped and unlocked a door and opened it.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here you are. A lovely room.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The small boy in buttons put the package on the table +in the centre of the room. The manager opened the +curtains.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is foggy outside,” he said. The room was furnished +in red plush. There were many mirrors, two +chairs and a large bed with a satin coverlet. A door +led to the bathroom.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will send up the menu,” the manager said. He +bowed and went out.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went to the window and looked out, then pulled a +cord that shut the thick plush curtains. Catherine was +sitting on the bed, looking at the cut glass chandelier. +She had taken her hat off and her hair shone under the +light. She saw herself in one of the mirrors and put +her hands to her hair. I saw her in three other mirrors. +She did not look happy. She let her cape fall on +the bed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I never felt like a whore before,” she said. I went +over to the window and pulled the curtain aside and +looked out. I had not thought it would be like this.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re not a whore.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know it, darling. But it isn’t nice to feel like one.” +Her voice was dry and flat.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This was the best hotel we could get in,” I said. I +looked out the window. Across the square were the +lights of the station. There were carriages going by +on the street and I saw the trees in the park. The lights +from the hotel shone on the wet pavement. Oh, hell, +I thought, do we have to argue now?</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come over here please,” Catherine said. The flatness +was all gone out of her voice. “Come over, please. +I’m a good girl again.” I looked over at the bed. She +was smiling.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went over and sat on the bed beside her and kissed +her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re my good girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m certainly yours,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>After we had eaten we felt fine, and then after, we +felt very happy and in a little time the room felt like +our own home. My room at the hospital had been our +own home and this room was our home too in the same +way.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine wore my tunic over her shoulders while +we ate. We were very hungry and the meal was good +and we drank a bottle of Capri and a bottle of St. +Estephe. I drank most of it but Catherine drank some +and it made her feel splendid. For dinner we had a +woodcock with soufflé potatoes and purée de marron, a +salad, and zabaione for dessert.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a fine room,” Catherine said. “It’s a lovely +room. We should have stayed here all the time we’ve +been in Milan.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a funny room. But it’s nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Vice is a wonderful thing,” Catherine said. “The +people who go in for it seem to have good taste about +it. The red plush is really fine. It’s just the thing. +And the mirrors are very attractive.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a lovely girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know how a room like this would be for +waking up in the morning. But it’s really a splendid +room.” I poured another glass of St. Estephe.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish we could do something really sinful,” Catherine +said. “Everything we do seems so innocent and +simple. I can’t believe we do anything wrong.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a grand girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I only feel hungry. I get terribly hungry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a fine simple girl,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am a simple girl. No one ever understood it except +you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Once when I first met you I spent an afternoon +thinking how we would go to the Hotel Cavour together +and how it would be.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was awfully cheeky of you. This isn’t the +Cavour is it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. They wouldn’t have taken us in there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’ll take us in some time. But that’s how we +differ, darling. I never thought about anything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Didn’t you ever at all?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A little,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh you’re a lovely girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I poured another glass of wine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m a very simple girl,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I didn’t think so at first. I thought you were a +crazy girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I was a little crazy. But I wasn’t crazy in any complicated +manner. I didn’t confuse you did I, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wine is a grand thing,” I said. “It makes you forget +all the bad.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s lovely,” said Catherine. “But it’s given my father +gout very badly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you a father?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” said Catherine. “He has gout. You won’t +ever have to meet him. Haven’t you a father?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “A step-father.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Will I like him?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You won’t have to meet him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have such a fine time,” Catherine said. “I don’t +take any interest in anything else any more. I’m so +very happy married to you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The waiter came and took away the things. After a +while we were very still and we could hear the rain. +Down below on the street a motor car honked.</p> + + + <div class='poetry-container' style=''> + <div class='lgp'> <!-- rend=';' --> +<div class='stanza-outer'> +<p class='line0'>“ ‘But at my back I always hear</p> +<p class='line0'>Time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near,’ ”</p> +</div> +</div></div> <!-- end poetry block --><!-- end rend --> + +<p class='noindent'>I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know that poem,” Catherine said. “It’s by Marvell. +But it’s about a girl who wouldn’t live with a man.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>My head felt very clear and cold and I wanted to +talk facts.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where will you have the baby?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. The best place I can find.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How will you arrange it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The best way I can. Don’t worry, darling. We +may have several babies before the war is over.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s nearly time to go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know. You can make it time if you want.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then don’t worry, darling. You were fine until now +and now you’re worrying.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t. How often will you write?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Every day. Do they read your letters?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They can’t read English enough to hurt any.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll make them very confusing,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But not too confusing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll just make them a little confusing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m afraid we have to start to go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hate to leave our fine house.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So do I.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But we have to go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. But we’re never settled in our home +very long.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We will be.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll have a fine home for you when you come back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe I’ll be back right away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Perhaps you’ll be hurt just a little in the foot.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Or the lobe of the ear.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No I want your ears the way they are.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And not my feet?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Your feet have been hit already.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have to go, darling. Really.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. You go first.”</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXIV</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>We walked down the stairs instead of taking the +elevator. The carpet on the stairs was worn. I had +paid for the dinner when it came up and the waiter, +who had brought it, was sitting on a chair near the +door. He jumped up and bowed and I went with him +into the side room and paid the bill for the room. The +manager had remembered me as a friend and refused +payment in advance but when he retired he had remembered +to have the waiter stationed at the door so that +I should not get out without paying. I suppose that +had happened; even with his friends. One had so many +friends in a war.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I asked the waiter to get us a carriage and he took +Catherine’s package that I was carrying and went out +with an umbrella. Outside through the window we +saw him crossing the street in the rain. We stood in +the side room and looked out the window.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you feel, Cat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sleepy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I feel hollow and hungry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you anything to eat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, in my musette.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I saw the carriage coming. It stopped, the horse’s +head hanging in the rain, and the waiter stepped out, +opened his umbrella, and came toward the hotel. We +met him at the door and walked out under the umbrella +down the wet walk to the carriage at the curb. +Water was running in the gutter.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There is your package on the seat,” the waiter said. +He stood with the umbrella until we were in and I had +tipped him.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Many thanks. Pleasant journey,” he said. The +coachman lifted the reins and the horse started. The +waiter turned away under the umbrella and went toward +the hotel. We drove down the street and turned +to the left, then came around to the right in front of +the station. There were two carabinieri standing under +the light just out of the rain. The light shone on their +hats. The rain was clear and transparent against the +light from the station. A porter came out from under +the shelter of the station, his shoulders up against the +rain.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “Thanks. I don’t need thee.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He went back under the shelter of the archway. I +turned to Catherine. Her face was in the shadow from +the hood of the carriage.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We might as well say good-by.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t go in?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by, Cat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Will you tell him the hospital?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I told the driver the address to drive to. He +nodded.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by,” I said. “Take good care of yourself and +young Catherine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by,” I said. I stepped out into the rain and +the carriage started. Catherine leaned out and I saw +her face in the light. She smiled and waved. The +carriage went up the street, Catherine pointed in toward +the archway. I looked, there were only the two +carabinieri and the archway. I realized she meant for +me to get in out of the rain. I went in and stood and +watched the carriage turn the corner. Then I started +through the station and down the runway to the train.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The porter was on the platform looking for me. I +followed him into the train, crowding past people and +along the aisle and in through a door to where the +machine-gunner sat in the corner of a full compartment. +My rucksack and musettes were above his head +on the luggage rack. There were many men standing +in the corridor and the men in the compartment all +looked at us when we came in. There were not enough +places in the train and every one was hostile. The machine-gunner +stood up for me to sit down. Some one +tapped me on the shoulder. I looked around. It was +a very tall gaunt captain of artillery with a red scar +along his jaw. He had looked through the glass on the +corridor and then come in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you say?” I asked. I had turned and +faced him. He was taller than I and his face was +very thin under the shadow of his cap-visor and the +scar was new and shiny. Every one in the compartment +was looking at me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can’t do that,” he said. “You can’t have a +soldier save you a place.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have done it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He swallowed and I saw his Adam’s apple go up +and then down. The machine-gunner stood in front of +the place. Other men looked in through the glass. No +one in the compartment said anything.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have no right to do that. I was here two hours +before you came.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you want?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The seat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So do I.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I watched his face and could feel the whole compartment +against me. I did not blame them. He was +in the right. But I wanted the seat. Still no one said +anything.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Oh, hell, I thought.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sit down, Signor Capitano,” I said. The machine-gunner +moved out of the way and the tall captain sat +down. He looked at me. His face seemed hurt. But +he had the seat. “Get my things,” I said to the machine-gunner. +We went out in the corridor. The train +was full and I knew there was no chance of a place. I +gave the porter and the machine-gunner ten lire apiece. +They went down the corridor and outside on the platform +looking in the windows but there were no places.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe some will get off at Brescia,” the porter +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“More will get on at Brescia,” said the machine-gunner. +I said good-by to them and we shook hands +and they left. They both felt badly. Inside the train +we were all standing in the corridor when the train +started. I watched the lights of the station and the +yards as we went out. It was still raining and soon the +windows were wet and you could not see out. Later +I slept on the floor of the corridor; first putting my +pocket-book with my money and papers in it inside my +shirt and trousers so that it was inside the leg of my +breeches. I slept all night, waking at Brescia and +Verona when more men got on the train, but going back +to sleep at once. I had my head on one of the musettes +and my arms around the other and I could feel the +pack and they could all walk over me if they wouldn’t +step on me. Men were sleeping on the floor all down +the corridor. Others stood holding on to the window +rods or leaning against the doors. That train was always +crowded.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<div><h1>BOOK III</h1></div> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXV</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>Now in the fall the trees were all bare and the roads +were muddy. I rode to Gorizia from Udine on a +camion. We passed other camions on the road and I +looked at the country. The mulberry trees were bare +and the fields were brown. There were wet dead leaves +on the road from the rows of bare trees and men were +working on the road, tamping stone in the ruts from +piles of crushed stone along the side of the road between +the trees. We saw the town with a mist over it +that cut off the mountains. We crossed the river and I +saw that it was running high. It had been raining in +the mountains. We came into the town past the factories +and then the houses and villas and I saw that +many more houses had been hit. On a narrow street we +passed a British Red Cross ambulance. The driver +wore a cap and his face was thin and very tanned. I +did not know him. I got down from the camion in +the big square in front of the Town Major’s house, the +driver handed down my rucksack and I put it on and +swung on the two musettes and walked to our villa. It +did not feel like a homecoming.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I walked down the damp gravel driveway looking +at the villa through the trees. The windows were all +shut but the door was open. I went in and found the +major sitting at a table in the bare room with maps and +typed sheets of paper on the wall.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hello,” he said. “How are you?” He looked older +and drier.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m good,” I said. “How is everything?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all over,” he said. “Take off your kit and sit +down.” I put my pack and the two musettes on the +floor and my cap on the pack. I brought the other +chair over from the wall and sat down by the desk.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s been a bad summer,” the major said. “Are you +strong now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you ever get the decorations?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I got them fine. Thank you very much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s see them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I opened my cape so he could see the two ribbons.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you get the boxes with the medals?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Just the papers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The boxes will come later. That takes more time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you want me to do?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The cars are all away. There are six up north at +Caporetto. You know Caporetto?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said. I remembered it as a little white town +with a campanile in a valley. It was a clean little town +and there was a fine fountain in the square.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are working from there. There are many sick +now. The fighting is over.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where are the others?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There are two up in the mountains and four still +on the Bainsizza. The other two ambulance sections +are in the Carso with the third army.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you wish me to do?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can go and take over the four cars on the +Bainsizza if you like. Gino has been up there a long +time. You haven’t seen it up there, have you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was very bad. We lost three cars.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I heard about it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, Rinaldi wrote you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where is Rinaldi?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He is here at the hospital. He has had a summer +and fall of it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I believe it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It has been bad,” the major said. “You couldn’t +believe how bad it’s been. I’ve often thought you were +lucky to be hit when you were.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know I was.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Next year will be worse,” the major said. “Perhaps +they will attack now. They say they are to attack +but I can’t believe it. It is too late. You saw the +river?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. It’s high already.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe they will attack now that the rains +have started. We will have the snow soon. What +about your countrymen? Will there be other Americans +besides yourself?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are training an army of ten million.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope we get some of them. But the French will +hog them all. We’ll never get any down here. All +right. You stay here to-night and go out to-morrow +with the little car and send Gino back. I’ll send somebody +with you that knows the road. Gino will tell you +everything. They are shelling quite a little still but it +is all over. You will want to see the Bainsizza.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m glad to see it. I am glad to be back with you +again, Signor Maggiore.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He smiled. “You are very good to say so. I am +very tired of this war. If I was away I do not believe +I would come back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is it so bad?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. It is so bad and worse. Go get cleaned up +and find your friend Rinaldi.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went out and carried my bags up the stairs. Rinaldi +was not in the room but his things were there and +I sat down on the bed and unwrapped my puttees and +took the shoe off my right foot. Then I lay back on the +bed. I was tired and my right foot hurt. It seemed +silly to lie on the bed with one shoe off, so I sat up and +unlaced the other shoe and dropped it on the floor, then +lay back on the blanket again. The room was stuffy +with the window closed but I was too tired to get up +and open it. I saw my things were all in one corner of +the room. Outside it was getting dark. I lay on the +bed and thought about Catherine and waited for Rinaldi. +I was going to try not to think about Catherine +except at night before I went to sleep. But now I was +tired and there was nothing to do, so I lay and thought +about her. I was thinking about her when Rinaldi +came in. He looked just the same. Perhaps he was a +little thinner.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Well, baby,” he said. I sat up on the bed. He +came over, sat down and put his arm around me. +“Good old baby.” He whacked me on the back and +I held both his arms.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Old baby,” he said. “Let me see your knee.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll have to take off my pants.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take off your pants, baby. We’re all friends here. +I want to see what kind of a job they did.” I stood up, +took off the breeches and pulled off the knee-brace. +Rinaldi sat on the floor and bent the knee gently back +and forth. He ran his finger along the scar; put his +thumbs together over the kneecap and rocked the knee +gently with his fingers.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is that all the articulation you have?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a crime to send you back. They ought to get +complete articulation.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a lot better than it was. It was stiff as a +board.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Rinaldi bent it more. I watched his hands. He had +fine surgeon’s hands. I looked at the top of his head, +his hair shiny and parted smoothly. He bent the knee +too far.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ouch!” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You ought to have more treatment on it with the +machines,” Rinaldi said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s better than it was.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I see that, baby. This is something I know more +about than you.” He stood up and sat down on the +bed. “The knee itself is a good job.” He was through +with the knee. “Tell me all about everything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s nothing to tell,” I said. “I’ve led a quiet +life.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You act like a married man,” he said. “What’s the +matter with you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing,” I said. “What’s the matter with you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This war is killing me,” Rinaldi said, “I am very +depressed by it.” He folded his hands over his knee.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter? Can’t I even have human impulses?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I can see you’ve been having a fine time. Tell +me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All summer and all fall I’ve operated. I work all +the time. I do everybody’s work. All the hard ones +they leave to me. By God, baby, I am becoming a +lovely surgeon.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That sounds better.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I never think. No, by God, I don’t think; I operate.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But now, baby, it’s all over. I don’t operate now +and I feel like hell. This is a terrible war, baby. You +believe me when I say it. Now you cheer me up. Did +you bring the phonograph records?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They were wrapped in paper in a cardboard box in +my rucksack. I was too tired to get them out.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you feel good yourself, baby?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I feel like hell.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This war is terrible,” Rinaldi said. “Come on. +We’ll both get drunk and be cheerful. Then we’ll go +get the ashes dragged. Then we’ll feel fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve had the jaundice,” I said, “and I can’t get +drunk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, baby, how you’ve come back to me. You come +back serious and with a liver. I tell you this war is a +bad thing. Why did we make it anyway?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll have a drink. I don’t want to get drunk but +we’ll have a drink.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Rinaldi went across the room to the washstand and +brought back two glasses and a bottle of cognac.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s Austrian cognac,” he said. “Seven stars. It’s +all they captured on San Gabriele.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Were you up there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I haven’t been anywhere. I’ve been here all +the time operating. Look, baby, this is your old toothbrushing +glass. I kept it all the time to remind me of +you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To remind you to brush your teeth.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I have my own too. I kept this to remind +me of you trying to brush away the Villa Rossa from +your teeth in the morning, swearing and eating aspirin +and cursing harlots. Every time I see that glass I +think of you trying to clean your conscience with a +toothbrush.” He came over to the bed. “Kiss me +once and tell me you’re not serious.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I never kiss you. You’re an ape.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know, you are the fine good Anglo-Saxon boy. I +know. You are the remorse boy, I know. I will wait +till I see the Anglo-Saxon brushing away harlotry +with a toothbrush.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Put some cognac in the glass.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We touched glasses and drank. Rinaldi laughed at +me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will get you drunk and take out your liver and put +you in a good Italian liver and make you a man +again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I held the glass for some more cognac. It was dark +outside now. Holding the glass of cognac, I went over +and opened the window. The rain had stopped falling. +It was colder outside and there was a mist in the trees.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t throw the cognac out the window,” Rinaldi +said. “If you can’t drink it give it to me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go something yourself,” I said. I was glad to see +Rinaldi again. He had spent two years teasing me and +I had always liked it. We understood each other very +well.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you married?” he asked from the bed. I was +standing against the wall by the window.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not yet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you in love?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“With that English girl?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Poor baby. Is she good to you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I mean is she good to you practically speaking?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Shut up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will. You will see I am a man of extreme delicacy. +Does she——?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Rinin,” I said. “Please shut up. If you want to +be my friend, shut up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t <span class='it'>want</span> to be your friend, baby. I <span class='it'>am</span> your +friend.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then shut up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went over to the bed and sat down beside Rinaldi. +He was holding his glass and looking at the floor.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see how it is, Rinin?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, yes. All my life I encounter sacred subjects. +But very few with you. I suppose you must have them +too.” He looked at the floor.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You haven’t any?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not any?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can say this about your mother and that about +your sister?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And that about <span class='it'>your sister</span>,” Rinaldi said swiftly. +We both laughed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The old superman,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am jealous maybe,” Rinaldi said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, you’re not.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t mean like that. I mean something else. +Have you any married friends?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I haven’t,” Rinaldi said. “Not if they love each +other.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why not?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They don’t like me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why not?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am the snake. I am the snake of reason.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re getting it mixed. The apple was reason.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, it was the snake.” He was more cheerful.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are better when you don’t think so deeply,” I +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I love you, baby,” he said. “You puncture me when +I become a great Italian thinker. But I know many +things I can’t say. I know more than you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. You do.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But you will have a better time. Even with remorse +you will have a better time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, yes. That is true. Already I am only happy +when I am working.” He looked at the floor again.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll get over that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I only like two other things; one is bad for +my work and the other is over in half an hour or +fifteen minutes. Sometimes less.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sometimes a good deal less.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Perhaps I have improved, baby. You do not know. +But there are only the two things and my work.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll get other things.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. We never get anything. We are born with all +we have and we never learn. We never get anything +new. We all start complete. You should be glad not +to be a Latin.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s no such thing as a Latin. That is ‘Latin’ +thinking. You are so proud of your defects.” Rinaldi +looked up and laughed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll stop, baby. I am tired from thinking so +much.” He had looked tired when he came in. “It’s +nearly time to eat. I’m glad you’re back. You are my +best friend and my war brother.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When do the war brothers eat?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Right away. We’ll drink once more for your liver’s +sake.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Like Saint Paul.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are inaccurate. That was wine and the stomach. +Take a little wine for your stomach’s sake.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Whatever you have in the bottle,” I said. “For +any sake you mention.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To your girl,” Rinaldi said. He held out his glass.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll never say a dirty thing about her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t strain yourself.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He drank off the cognac. “I am pure,” he said. +“I am like you, baby. I will get an English girl too. +As a matter of fact I knew your girl first but she was +a little tall for me. A tall girl for a sister,” he quoted.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have a lovely pure mind,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Haven’t I? That’s why they call me Rinaldo Purissimo.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Rinaldo Sporchissimo.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on, baby, we’ll go down to eat while my mind +is still pure.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I washed, combed my hair and we went down the +stairs. Rinaldi was a little drunk. In the room where +we ate, the meal was not quite ready.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll go get the bottle,” Rinaldi said. He went off +up the stairs. I sat at the table and he came back with +the bottle and poured us each a half tumbler of cognac.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Too much,” I said and held up the glass and sighted +at the lamp on the table.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not for an empty stomach. It is a wonderful thing. +It burns out the stomach completely. Nothing is worse +for you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Self-destruction day by day,” Rinaldi said. “It +ruins the stomach and makes the hand shake. Just the +thing for a surgeon.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You recommend it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Heartily. I use no other. Drink it down, baby, and +look forward to being sick.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I drank half the glass. In the hall I could hear the +orderly calling. “Soup! Soup is ready!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The major came in, nodded to us and sat down. He +seemed very small at table.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is this all we are?” he asked. The orderly put the +soup bowl down and he ladled out a plate full.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We are all,” Rinaldi said. “Unless the priest +comes. If he knew Federico was here he would be +here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where is he?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s at 307,” the major said. He was busy with +his soup. He wiped his mouth, wiping his upturned +gray mustache carefully. “He will come I think. I +called them and left word to tell him you were here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I miss the noise of the mess,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, it’s quiet,” the major said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will be noisy,” said Rinaldi.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Drink some wine, Enrico,” said the major. He +filled my glass. The spaghetti came in and we were all +busy. We were finishing the spaghetti when the priest +came in. He was the same as ever, small and brown +and compact looking. I stood up and we shook hands. +He put his hand on my shoulder.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I came as soon as I heard,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sit down,” the major said. “You’re late.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-evening, priest,” Rinaldi said, using the English +word. They had taken that up from the priest-baiting +captain, who spoke a little English. “Good-evening, +Rinaldo,” the priest said. The orderly brought him +soup but he said he would start with the spaghetti.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are you?” he asked me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine,” I said. “How have things been?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Drink some wine, priest,” Rinaldi said. “Take a little +wine for your stomach’s sake. That’s Saint Paul, +you know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes I know,” said the priest politely. Rinaldi filled +his glass.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That Saint Paul,” said Rinaldi. “He’s the one who +makes all the trouble.” The priest looked at me and +smiled. I could see that the baiting did not touch him +now.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That Saint Paul,” Rinaldi said. “He was a rounder +and a chaser and then when he was no longer hot he +said it was no good. When he was finished he made +the rules for us who are still hot. Isn’t it true, Federico?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The major smiled. We were eating meat stew now.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I never discuss a Saint after dark,” I said. The +priest looked up from the stew and smiled at me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There he is, gone over with the priest,” Rinaldi +said. “Where are all the good old priest-baiters? +Where is Cavalcanti? Where is Brundi? Where is +Cesare? Do I have to bait this priest alone without +support?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He is a good priest,” said the major.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He is a good priest,” said Rinaldi. “But still a +priest. I try to make the mess like the old days. I want +to make Federico happy. To hell with you, priest!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I saw the major look at him and notice that he was +drunk. His thin face was white. The line of his hair +was very black against the white of his forehead.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all right, Rinaldo,” said the priest. “It’s all +right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To hell with you,” said Rinaldi. “To hell with the +whole damn business.” He sat back in his chair.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s been under a strain and he’s tired,” the major +said to me. He finished his meat and wiped up the +gravy with a piece of bread.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t give a damn,” Rinaldi said to the table. “To +hell with the whole business.” He looked defiantly +around the table, his eyes flat, his face pale.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said. “To hell with the whole damn +business.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, no,” said Rinaldi. “You can’t do it. You can’t +do it. I say you can’t do it. You’re dry and you’re +empty and there’s nothing else. There’s nothing else I +tell you. Not a damned thing. I know, when I stop +working.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The priest shook his head. The orderly took away +the stew dish.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What are you eating meat for?” Rinaldi turned +to the priest. “Don’ you know it’s Friday?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s Thursday,” the priest said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a lie. It’s Friday. You’re eating the body of +our Lord. It’s God-meat. I know. It’s dead Austrian. +That’s what you’re eating.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The white meat is from officers,” I said, completing +the old joke.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Rinaldi laughed. He filled his glass.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t mind me,” he said. “I’m just a little crazy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You ought to have a leave,” the priest said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The major shook his head at him. Rinaldi looked at +the priest.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You think I ought to have a leave?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The major shook his head at the priest. Rinaldi was +looking at the priest.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just as you like,” the priest said. “Not if you don’t +want.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To hell with you,” Rinaldi said. “They try to get +rid of me. Every night they try to get rid of me. I +fight them off. What if I have it. Everybody has it. +The whole world’s got it. First,” he went on, assuming +the manner of a lecturer, “it’s a little pimple. Then +we notice a rash between the shoulders. Then we notice +nothing at all. We put our faith in mercury.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Or salvarsan,” the major interrupted quietly.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A mercurial product,” Rinaldi said. He acted very +elated now. “I know something worth two of that. +Good old priest,” he said. “You’ll never get it. Baby +will get it. It’s an industrial accident. It’s a simple +industrial accident.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The orderly brought in the sweet and coffee. The +dessert was a sort of black bread pudding with hard +sauce. The lamp was smoking; the black smoke going +close up inside the chimney.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bring two candles and take away the lamp,” the +major said. The orderly brought two lighted candles +each in a saucer, and took out the lamp blowing it out. +Rinaldi was quiet now. He seemed all right. We +talked and after the coffee we all went out into the hall.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You want to talk to the priest. I have to go in the +town,” Rinaldi said. “Good-night, priest.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night, Rinaldo,” the priest said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll see you Fredi,” Rinaldi said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said. “Come in early.” He made a face and +went out the door. The major was standing with us. +“He’s very tired and overworked,” he said. “He thinks +too he has syphilis. I don’t believe it but he may have. +He is treating himself for it. Good-night. You will +leave before daylight, Enrico?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by then,” he said. “Good luck. Peduzzi will +wake you and go with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by, Signor Maggiore.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by. They talk about an Austrian offensive +but I don’t believe it. I hope not. But anyway it won’t +be here. Gino will tell you everything. The telephone +works well now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll call regularly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please do. Good-night. Don’t let Rinaldi drink so +much brandy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll try not to.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night, priest.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night, Signor Maggiore.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He went off into his office.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXVI</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>I went to the door and looked out. It had stopped +raining but there was a mist.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Should we go upstairs?” I asked the priest.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can only stay a little while.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We climbed the stairs and went into my room. I lay +down on Rinaldi’s bed. The priest sat on my cot that +the orderly had set up. It was dark in the room.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Well,” he said, “how are you really?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m all right. I’m tired to-night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m tired too, but from no cause.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about the war?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think it will be over soon. I don’t know why, but +I feel it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you feel it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You know how your major is? Gentle? Many +people are like that now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I feel that way myself,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It has been a terrible summer,” said the priest. He +was surer of himself now than when I had gone away. +“You cannot believe how it has been. Except that you +have been there and you know how it can be. Many +people have realized the war this summer. Officers +whom I thought could never realize it realize it now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What will happen?” I stroked the blanket with my +hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do not know but I do not think it can go on much +longer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What will happen?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They will stop fighting.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Both sides.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope so,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t believe it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe both sides will stop fighting at once.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I suppose not. It is too much to expect. But when +I see the changes in men I do not think it can go on.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who won the fighting this summer?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Austrians won,” I said. “They kept them from +taking San Gabriele. They’ve won. They won’t stop +fighting.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If they feel as we feel they may stop. They have +gone through the same thing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No one ever stopped when they were winning.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You discourage me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can only say what I think.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then you think it will go on and on? Nothing will +ever happen?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. I only think the Austrians will not +stop when they have won a victory. It is in defeat that +we become Christian.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Austrians are Christians—except for the Bosnians.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t mean technically Christian. I mean like Our +Lord.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He said nothing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We are all gentler now because we are beaten. +How would Our Lord have been if Peter had rescued +him in the Garden?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He would have been just the same.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think so,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You discourage me,” he said. “I believe and I pray +that something will happen. I have felt it very close.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Something may happen,” I said. “But it will happen +only to us. If they felt the way we do, it would be +all right. But they have beaten us. They feel another +way.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Many of the soldiers have always felt this way. It +is not because they were beaten.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They were beaten to start with. They were beaten +when they took them from their farms and put them +in the army. That is why the peasant has wisdom, because +he is defeated from the start. Put him in power +and see how wise he is.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He did not say anything. He was thinking.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now I am depressed myself,” I said. “That’s why +I never think about these things. I never think and +yet when I begin to talk I say the things I have found +out in my mind without thinking.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I had hoped for something.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Defeat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Something more.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There isn’t anything more. Except victory. It may +be worse.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hoped for a long time for victory.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Me too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It has to be one or the other.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe in victory any more.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t. But I don’t believe in defeat. Though it +may be better.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you believe in?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In sleep,” I said. He stood up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am very sorry to have stayed so long. But I like +so to talk with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is very nice to talk again. I said that about sleeping, +meaning nothing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We stood up and shook hands in the dark.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I sleep at 307 now,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I go out on post early to-morrow.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll see you when you come back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll have a walk and talk together.” I walked +with him to the door.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t go down,” he said. “It is very nice that you +are back. Though not so nice for you.” He put his +hand on my shoulder.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all right for me,” I said. “Good-night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night. Ciaou!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ciaou!” I said. I was deadly sleepy.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXVII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>I woke when Rinaldi came in but he did not talk +and I went back to sleep again. In the morning I was +dressed and gone before it was light. Rinaldi did not +wake when I left.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I had not seen the Bainsizza before and it was strange +to go up the slope where the Austrians had been, beyond +the place on the river where I had been wounded. +There was a steep new road and many trucks. Beyond, +the road flattened out and I saw woods and steep hills +in the mist. There were woods that had been taken +quickly and not smashed. Then beyond where the road +was not protected by the hills it was screened by matting +on the sides and over the top. The road ended in +a wrecked village. The lines were up beyond. There +was much artillery around. The houses were badly +smashed but things were very well organized and there +were signboards everywhere. We found Gino and he +got us some coffee and later I went with him and met +various people and saw the posts. Gino said the British +cars were working further down the Bainsizza at +Ravne. He had great admiration for the British. There +was still a certain amount of shelling, he said, but not +many wounded. There would be many sick now the +rains had started. The Austrians were supposed to attack +but he did not believe it. We were supposed to attack +too, but they had not brought up any new troops +so he thought that was off too. Food was scarce and +he would be glad to get a full meal in Gorizia. What +kind of supper had I had? I told him and he said that +would be wonderful. He was especially impressed by +the <span class='it'>dolce</span>. I did not describe it in detail, only said it +was a <span class='it'>dolce</span>, and I think he believed it was something +more elaborate than bread pudding.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Did I know where he was going to go? I said I +didn’t but that some of the other cars were at Caporetto. +He hoped he would go up that way. It was a +nice little place and he liked the high mountain hauling +up beyond. He was a nice boy and every one seemed +to like him. He said where it really had been hell was +at San Gabriele and the attack beyond Lom that had +gone bad. He said the Austrians had a great amount +of artillery in the woods along Ternova ridge beyond +and above us, and shelled the roads badly at night. +There was a battery of naval guns that had gotten on +his nerves. I would recognize them because of their +flat trajectory. You heard the report and then the +shriek commenced almost instantly. They usually fired +two guns at once, one right after the other, and the +fragments from the burst were enormous. He showed +me one, a smoothly jagged piece of metal over a foot +long. It looked like babbiting metal.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t suppose they are so effective,” Gino said. +“But they scare me. They all sound as though they +came directly for you. There is the boom, then instantly +the shriek and burst. What’s the use of not being +wounded if they scare you to death?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He said there were Croats in the lines opposite us +now and some Magyars. Our troops were still in the +attacking positions. There was no wire to speak of and +no place to fall back to if there should be an Austrian +attack. There were fine positions for defense along the +low mountains that came up out of the plateau but +nothing had been done about organizing them for defense. +What did I think about the Bainsizza anyway?</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I had expected it to be flatter, more like a plateau. +I had not realized it was so broken up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Alto piano,” Gino said, “but no piano.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went back to the cellar of the house where he +lived. I said I thought a ridge that flattened out on +top and had a little depth would be easier and more +practical to hold than a succession of small mountains. +It was no harder to attack up a mountain than on the +level, I argued. “That depends on the mountains,” he +said. “Look at San Gabriele.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said, “but where they had trouble was at +the top where it was flat. They got up to the top easy +enough.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not so easy,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said, “but that was a special case because +it was a fortress rather than a mountain, anyway. The +Austrians had been fortifying it for years.” I meant +tactically speaking in a war where there was some +movement a succession of mountains were nothing to +hold as a line because it was too easy to turn them. +You should have possible mobility and a mountain is +not very mobile. Also, people always over-shoot down +hill. If the flank were turned, the best men would be +left on the highest mountains. I did not believe in a +war in mountains. I had thought about it a lot, I said. +You pinched off one mountain and they pinched off another +but when something really started every one had +to get down off the mountains.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>What were you going to do if you had a mountain +frontier? he asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I had not worked that out yet, I said, and we both +laughed. “But,” I said, “in the old days the Austrians +were always whipped in the quadrilateral around Verona. +They let them come down onto the plain and +whipped them there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” said Gino. “But those were Frenchmen and +you can work out military problems clearly when you +are fighting in somebody else’s country.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I agreed, “when it is your own country you +cannot use it so scientifically.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Russians did, to trap Napoleon.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, but they had plenty of country. If you tried +to retreat to trap Napoleon in Italy you would find +yourself in Brindisi.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A terrible place,” said Gino. “Have you ever been +there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not to stay.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am a patriot,” Gino said. “But I cannot love +Brindisi or Taranto.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you love the Bainsizza?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The soil is sacred,” he said. “But I wish it grew +more potatoes. You know when we came here we +found fields of potatoes the Austrians had planted.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Has the food really been short?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I myself have never had enough to eat but I am a +big eater and I have not starved. The mess is average. +The regiments in the line get pretty good food but those +in support don’t get so much. Something is wrong +somewhere. There should be plenty of food.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The dogfish are selling it somewhere else.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, they give the battalions in the front line as +much as they can but the ones in back are very short. +They have eaten all the Austrians’ potatoes and chestnuts +from the woods. They ought to feed them better. +We are big eaters. I am sure there is plenty of food. +It is very bad for the soldiers to be short of food. +Have you ever noticed the difference it makes in the +way you think?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said. “It can’t win a war but it can lose +one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We won’t talk about losing. There is enough talk +about losing. What has been done this summer cannot +have been done in vain.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I did not say anything. I was always embarrassed +by the words sacred, glorious, and sacrifice and the expression +in vain. We had heard them, sometimes standing +in the rain almost out of earshot, so that only the +shouted words came through, and had read them, on +proclamations that were slapped up by billposters over +other proclamations, now for a long time, and I had +seen nothing sacred, and the things that were glorious +had no glory and the sacrifices were like the stockyards +at Chicago if nothing was done with the meat +except to bury it. There were many words that you +could not stand to hear and finally only the names of +places had dignity. Certain numbers were the same +way and certain dates and these with the names of the +places were all you could say and have them mean anything. +Abstract words such as glory, honor, courage, +or hallow were obscene beside the concrete names of +villages, the numbers of roads, the names of rivers, the +numbers of regiments and the dates. Gino was a patriot, +so he said things that separated us sometimes, +but he was also a fine boy and I understood his being a +patriot. He was born one. He left with Peduzzi in the +car to go back to Gorizia.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It stormed all that day. The wind drove down the +rain and everywhere there was standing water and +mud. The plaster of the broken houses was gray and +wet. Late in the afternoon the rain stopped and from +out number two post I saw the bare wet autumn country +with clouds over the tops of the hills and the straw +screening over the roads wet and dripping. The sun +came out once before it went down and shone on the +bare woods beyond the ridge. There were many Austrian +guns in the woods on that ridge but only a few +fired. I watched the sudden round puffs of shrapnel +smoke in the sky above a broken farmhouse near where +the line was; soft puffs with a yellow white flash in the +centre. You saw the flash, then heard the crack, then +saw the smoke ball distort and thin in the wind. There +were many iron shrapnel balls in the rubble of the +houses and on the road beside the broken house where +the post was, but they did not shell near the post that +afternoon. We loaded two cars and drove down the +road that was screened with wet mats and the last of +the sun came through in the breaks between the strips +of mattings. Before we were out on the clear road behind +the hill the sun was down. We went on down the +clear road and as it turned a corner into the open and +went into the square arched tunnel of matting the rain +started again.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The wind rose in the night and at three o’clock in the +morning with the rain coming in sheets there was a +bombardment and the Croatians came over across the +mountain meadows and through patches of woods and +into the front line. They fought in the dark in the rain +and a counter-attack of scared men from the second +line drove them back. There was much shelling and +many rockets in the rain and machine-gun and rifle +fire all along the line. They did not come again and it +was quieter and between the gusts of wind and rain +we could hear the sound of a great bombardment far +to the north.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The wounded were coming into the post, some were +carried on stretchers, some walking and some were +brought on the backs of men that came across the field. +They were wet to the skin and all were scared. We +filled two cars with stretcher cases as they came up from +the cellar of the post and as I shut the door of the second +car and fastened it I felt the rain on my face turn +to snow. The flakes were coming heavy and fast in the +rain.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When daylight came the storm was still blowing but +the snow had stopped. It had melted as it fell on the +wet ground and now it was raining again. There was +another attack just after daylight but it was unsuccessful. +We expected an attack all day but it did not come +until the sun was going down. The bombardment +started to the south below the long wooded ridge where +the Austrian guns were concentrated. We expected a +bombardment but it did not come. It was getting dark. +Guns were firing from the field behind the village and +the shells, going away, had a comfortable sound.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We heard that the attack to the south had been unsuccessful. +They did not attack that night but we heard +that they had broken through to the north. In the night +word came that we were to prepare to retreat. The captain +at the post told me this. He had it from the Brigade. +A little while later he came from the telephone +and said it was a lie. The Brigade had received orders +that the line of the Bainsizza should be held no matter +what happened. I asked about the break through and +he said that he had heard at the Brigade that the Austrians +had broken through the twenty-seventh army +corps up toward Caporetto. There had been a great +battle in the north all day.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If those bastards let them through we are cooked,” +he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s Germans that are attacking,” one of the medical +officers said. The word Germans was something +to be frightened of. We did not want to have anything +to do with the Germans.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There are fifteen divisions of Germans,” the medical +officer said. “They have broken through and we will +be cut off.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“At the Brigade, they say this line is to be held. They +say they have not broken through badly and that we +will hold a line across the mountains from Monte Maggiore.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where do they hear this?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“From the Division.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The word that we were to retreat came from the +Division.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We work under the Army Corps,” I said. “But +here I work under you. Naturally when you tell me to +go I will go. But get the orders straight.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The orders are that we stay here. You clear the +wounded from here to the clearing station.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sometimes we clear from the clearing station to +the field hospitals too,” I said. “Tell me, I have never +seen a retreat—if there is a retreat how are all the +wounded evacuated?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are not. They take as many as they can and +leave the rest.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What will I take in the cars?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hospital equipment.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The next night the retreat started. We heard that +Germans and Austrians had broken through in the +north and were coming down the mountain valleys toward +Cividale and Udine. The retreat was orderly, +wet and sullen. In the night, going slowly along the +crowded roads we passed troops marching under the +rain, guns, horses pulling wagons, mules, motor trucks, +all moving away from the front. There was no more +disorder than in an advance.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>That night we helped empty the field hospitals that +had been set up in the least ruined villages of the plateau, +taking the wounded down to Plava on the river-bed: +and the next day hauled all day in the rain to +evacuate the hospitals and clearing station at Plava. +It rained steadily and the army of the Bainsizza moved +down off the plateau in the October rain and across the +river where the great victories had commenced in the +spring of that year. We came into Gorizia in the middle +of the next day. The rain had stopped and the town +was nearly empty. As we came up the street they were +loading the girls from the soldiers’ whorehouse into a +truck. There were seven girls and they had on their +hats and coats and carried small suitcases. Two of +them were crying. Of the others one smiled at us and +put out her tongue and fluttered it up and down. She +had thick full lips and black eyes.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I stopped the car and went over and spoke to the matron. +The girls from the officers’ house had left early +that morning, she said. Where were they going? To +Conegliano, she said. The truck started. The girl with +thick lips put out her tongue again at us. The matron +waved. The two girls kept on crying. The others +looked interestedly out at the town. I got back in the +car.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We ought to go with them,” Bonello said. “That +would be a good trip.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll have a good trip,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll have a hell of a trip.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s what I mean,” I said. We came up the drive +to the villa.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d like to be there when some of those tough babies +climb in and try and hop them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You think they will?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sure. Everybody in the Second Army knows that +matron.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We were outside the villa.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They call her the Mother Superior,” Bonello said. +“The girls are new but everybody knows her. They +must have brought them up just before the retreat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’ll have a time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll say they’ll have a time. I’d like to have a crack +at them for nothing. They charge too much at that +house anyway. The government gyps us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take the car out and have the mechanics go over +it,” I said. “Change the oil and check the differential. +Fill it up and then get some sleep.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, Signor Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The villa was empty. Rinaldi was gone with the +hospital. The major was gone taking hospital personnel +in the staff car. There was a note on the window +for me to fill the cars with the material piled in the hall +and to proceed to Pordenone. The mechanics were +gone already. I went out back to the garage. The +other two cars came in while I was there and their drivers +got down. It was starting to rain again.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m so —— sleepy I went to sleep three times coming +here from Plava,” Piani said. “What are we going +to do, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll change the oil, grease them, fill them up, then +take them around in front and load up the junk they’ve +left.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then do we start?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, we’ll sleep for three hours.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Christ I’m glad to sleep,” Bonello said. “I couldn’t +keep awake driving.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How’s your car, Aymo?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Get me a monkey suit and I’ll help you with the +oil.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you do that, Tenente,” Aymo said. “It’s +nothing to do. You go and pack your things.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“My things are all packed,” I said. “I’ll go and +carry out the stuff that they left for us. Bring the +cars around as soon as they’re ready.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They brought the cars around to the front of the +villa and we loaded them with the hospital equipment +which was piled in the hallway. When it was all in, +the three cars stood in line down the driveway under the +trees in the rain. We went inside.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Make a fire in the kitchen and dry your things,” I +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t care about dry clothes,” Piani said. “I want +to sleep.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m going to sleep on the major’s bed,” Bonello +said. “I’m going to sleep where the old man corks off.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t care where I sleep,” Piani said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There are two beds in here.” I opened the door.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I never knew what was in that room,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was old fish-face’s room,” Piani said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You two sleep in there,” I said. “I’ll wake you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Austrians will wake us if you sleep too long, +Tenente,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t oversleep,” I said. “Where’s Aymo?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He went out in the kitchen.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Get to sleep,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll sleep,” Piani said. “I’ve been asleep sitting up +all day. The whole top of my head kept coming down +over my eyes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take your boots off,” Bonello said. “That’s old +fish-face’s bed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fish-face is nothing to me.” Piani lay on the bed, +his muddy boots straight out, his head on his arm. I +went out to the kitchen. Aymo had a fire in the stove +and a kettle of water on.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I thought I’d start some <span class='it'>pasta asciutta</span>,” he said. +“We’ll be hungry when we wake up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Aren’t you sleepy, Bartolomeo?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not so sleepy. When the water boils I’ll leave it. +The fire will go down.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’d better get some sleep,” I said. “We can eat +cheese and monkey meat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is better,” he said. “Something hot will be +good for those two anarchists. You go to sleep, Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s a bed in the major’s room.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You sleep there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, I’m going up to my old room. Do you want +a drink, Bartolomeo?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When we go, Tenente. Now it wouldn’t do me any +good.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you wake in three hours and I haven’t called you, +wake me, will you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I haven’t any watch, Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s a clock on the wall in the major’s room.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went out then through the dining-room and the +hall and up the marble stairs to the room where I had +lived with Rinaldi. It was raining outside. I went +to the window and looked out. It was getting dark and +I saw the three cars standing in line under the trees. +The trees were dripping in the rain. It was cold and +the drops hung to the branches. I went back to Rinaldi’s +bed and lay down and let sleep take me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We ate in the kitchen before we started. Aymo had +a basin of spaghetti with onions and tinned meat +chopped up in it. We sat around the table and drank +two bottles of the wine that had been left in the cellar +of the villa. It was dark outside and still raining. +Piani sat at the table very sleepy.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I like a retreat better than an advance,” Bonello +said. “On a retreat we drink barbera.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We drink it now. To-morrow maybe we drink rain-water,” +Aymo said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To-morrow we’ll be in Udine. We’ll drink champagne. +That’s where the slackers live. Wake up, Piani! +We’ll drink champagne to-morrow in Udine!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m awake,” Piani said. He filled his plate with the +spaghetti and meat. “Couldn’t you find tomato sauce, +Barto?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There wasn’t any,” Aymo said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll drink champagne in Udine,” Bonello said. +He filled his glass with the clear red barbera.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We may drink —— before Udine,” Piani said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you eaten enough, Tenente?” Aymo asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve got plenty. Give me the bottle, Bartolomeo.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have a bottle apiece to take in the cars,” Aymo +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you sleep at all?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t need much sleep. I slept a little.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To-morrow we’ll sleep in the king’s bed,” Bonello +said. He was feeling very good.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To-morrow maybe we’ll sleep in ——,” Piani said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll sleep with the queen,” Bonello said. He looked +to see how I took the joke.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll sleep with ——,” Piani said sleepily.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s treason, Tenente,” Bonello said. “Isn’t that +treason?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Shut up,” I said. “You get too funny with a little +wine.” Outside it was raining hard. I looked at my +watch. It was half-past nine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s time to roll,” I said and stood up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who are you going to ride with, Tenente?” Bonello +asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“With Aymo. Then you come. Then Piani. We’ll +start out on the road for Cormons.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m afraid I’ll go to sleep,” Piani said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I’ll ride with you. Then Bonello. Then +Aymo.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s the best way,” Piani said. “Because I’m so +sleepy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll drive and you sleep awhile.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I can drive just so long as I know somebody +will wake me up if I go to sleep.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll wake you up. Put out the lights, Barto.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You might as well leave them,” Bonello said. +“We’ve got no more use for this place.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have a small locker trunk in my room,” I said. +“Will you help take it down, Piani?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll take it,” Piani said. “Come on, Aldo.” He +went off into the hall with Bonello. I heard them going +upstairs.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This was a fine place,” Bartolomeo Aymo said. He +put two bottles of wine and half a cheese into his haversack. +“There won’t be a place like this again. Where +will they retreat to, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Beyond the Tagliamento, they say. The hospital and +the sector are to be at Pordenone.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is a better town than Pordenone.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know Pordenone,” I said. “I’ve just been +through there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not much of a place,” Aymo said.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXVIII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>As we moved out through the town it was empty in +the rain and the dark except for columns of troops and +guns that were going through the main street. There +were many trucks too and some carts going through on +other streets and converging on the main road. When +we were out past the tanneries onto the main road the +troops, the motor trucks, the horse-drawn carts and the +guns were in one wide slow-moving column. We moved +slowly but steadily in the rain, the radiator cap of our +car almost against the tailboard of a truck that was +loaded high, the load covered with wet canvas. Then +the truck stopped. The whole column was stopped. It +started again and we went a little farther, then stopped. +I got out and walked ahead, going between the trucks +and carts and under the wet necks of the horses. The +block was farther ahead. I left the road, crossed the +ditch on a footboard and walked along the field beyond +the ditch. I could see the stalled column between the +trees in the rain as I went forward across from it in +the field. I went about a mile. The column did not +move, although, on the other side beyond the stalled +vehicles I could see the troops moving. I went back +to the cars. This block might extend as far as Udine. +Piani was asleep over the wheel. I climbed up beside +him and went to sleep too. Several hours later I heard +the truck ahead of us grinding into gear. I woke Piani +and we started, moving a few yards, then stopping, +then going on again. It was still raining.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The column stalled again in the night and did not +start. I got down and went back to see Aymo and +Bonello. Bonello had two sergeants of engineers on +the seat of his car with him. They stiffened when I +came up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They were left to do something to a bridge,” Bonello +said. “They can’t find their unit so I gave them a +ride.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“With the Sir Lieutenant’s permission.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“With permission,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The lieutenant is an American,” Bonello said. +“He’ll give anybody a ride.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>One of the sergeants smiled. The other asked Bonello +if I was an Italian from North or South America.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s not an Italian. He’s North American English.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The sergeants were polite but did not believe it. I +left them and went back to Aymo. He had two girls +on the seat with him and was sitting back in the corner +and smoking.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Barto, Barto,” I said. He laughed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Talk to them, Tenente,” he said. “I can’t understand +them. Hey!” he put his hand on the girl’s thigh and +squeezed it in a friendly way. The girl drew her shawl +tight around her and pushed his hand away. “Hey!” +he said. “Tell the Tenente your name and what you’re +doing here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The girl looked at me fiercely. The other girl kept +her eyes down. The girl who looked at me said something +in a dialect I could not understand a word of. +She was plump and dark and looked about sixteen.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sorella?” I asked and pointed at the other girl.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She nodded her head and smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said and patted her knee. I felt her +stiffen away when I touched her. The sister never +looked up. She looked perhaps a year younger. Aymo +put his hand on the elder girl’s thigh and she pushed it +away. He laughed at her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good man,” he pointed at himself. “Good man,” +he pointed at me. “Don’t you worry.” The girl looked +at him fiercely. The pair of them were like two wild +birds.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What does she ride with me for if she doesn’t like +me?” Aymo asked. “They got right up in the car the +minute I motioned to them.” He turned to the girl. +“Don’t worry,” he said. “No danger of ——,” using +the vulgar word. “No place for ——.” I could see she +understood the word and that was all. Her eyes looked +at him very scared. She pulled the shawl tight. “Car +all full,” Aymo said. “No danger of ——. No place +for ——.” Every time he said the word the girl stiffened +a little. Then sitting stiffly and looking at him +she began to cry. I saw her lips working and then +tears came down her plump cheeks. Her sister, not +looking up, took her hand and they sat there together. +The older one, who had been so fierce, began to sob.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I guess I scared her,” Aymo said. “I didn’t mean +to scare her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Bartolomeo brought out his knapsack and cut off +two pieces of cheese. “Here,” he said. “Stop crying.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The older girl shook her head and still cried, but the +younger girl took the cheese and commenced to eat. +After a while the younger girl gave her sister the second +piece of cheese and they both ate. The older sister +still sobbed a little.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She’ll be all right after a while,” Aymo said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>An idea came to him. “Virgin?” he asked the girl +next to him. She nodded her head vigorously. “Virgin +too?” he pointed to the sister. Both the girls nodded +their heads and the elder said something in dialect.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s all right,” Bartolomeo said. “That’s all +right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Both the girls seemed cheered.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I left them sitting together with Aymo sitting back +in the corner and went back to Piani’s car. The column +of vehicles did not move but the troops kept passing +alongside. It was still raining hard and I thought some +of the stops in the movement of the column might be +from cars with wet wiring. More likely they were +from horses or men going to sleep. Still, traffic could +tie up in cities when every one was awake. It was the +combination of horse and motor vehicles. They did not +help each other any. The peasants’ carts did not help +much either. Those were a couple of fine girls with +Barto. A retreat was no place for two virgins. Real +virgins. Probably very religious. If there were no +war we would probably all be in bed. In bed I lay me +down my head. Bed and board. Stiff as a board in +bed. Catherine was in bed now between two sheets, +over her and under her. Which side did she sleep on? +Maybe she wasn’t asleep. Maybe she was lying thinking +about me. Blow, blow, ye western wind. Well, it +blew and it wasn’t the small rain but the big rain down +that rained. It rained all night. You knew it rained +down that rained. Look at it. Christ, that my love were +in my arms and I in my bed again. That my love Catherine. +That my sweet love Catherine down might rain. +Blow her again to me. Well, we were in it. Every one +was caught in it and the small rain would not quiet it. +“Good-night, Catherine,” I said out loud. “I hope you +sleep well. If it’s too uncomfortable, darling, lie on the +other side,” I said. “I’ll get you some cold water. In a +little while it will be morning and then it won’t be so +bad. I’m sorry he makes you so uncomfortable. Try +and go to sleep, sweet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I was asleep all the time, she said. You’ve been talking +in your sleep. Are you all right?</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Are you really there?</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Of course I’m here. I wouldn’t go way. This +doesn’t make any difference between us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>You’re so lovely and sweet. You wouldn’t go away +in the night, would you?</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Of course I wouldn’t go away. I’m always here. I +come whenever you want me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“——,” Piani said. “They’ve started again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I was dopey,” I said. I looked at my watch. It +was three o’clock in the morning. I reached back behind +the seat for a bottle of the barbera.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You talked out loud,” Piani said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I was having a dream in English,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The rain was slacking and we were moving along. +Before daylight we were stalled again and when it was +light we were at a little rise in the ground and I saw the +road of the retreat stretched out far ahead, everything +stationary except for the infantry filtering through. We +started to move again but seeing the rate of progress in +the daylight, I knew we were going to have to get off +that main road some way and go across country if we +ever hoped to reach Udine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>In the night many peasants had joined the column +from the roads of the country and in the column there +were carts loaded with household goods; there were +mirrors projecting up between mattresses, and chickens +and ducks tied to carts. There was a sewing-machine +on the cart ahead of us in the rain. They had saved +the most valuable things. On some carts the women sat +huddled from the rain and others walked beside the +carts keeping as close to them as they could. There were +dogs now in the column, keeping under the wagons as +they moved along. The road was muddy, the ditches at +the side were high with water and beyond the trees that +lined the road the fields looked too wet and too soggy +to try to cross. I got down from the car and worked +up the road a way, looking for a place where I could see +ahead to find a side-road we could take across country. +I knew there were many side-roads but did not want one +that would lead to nothing. I could not remember them +because we had always passed them bowling along in +the car on the main road and they all looked much +alike. Now I knew we must find one if we hoped to +get through. No one knew where the Austrians were +nor how things were going but I was certain that if +the rain should stop and planes come over and get to +work on that column that it would be all over. All that +was needed was for a few men to leave their trucks or +a few horses be killed to tie up completely the movement +on the road.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The rain was not falling so heavily now and I +thought it might clear. I went ahead along the edge of +the road and when there was a small road that led off +to the north between two fields with a hedge of trees +on both sides, I thought that we had better take it and +hurried back to the cars. I told Piani to turn off and +went back to tell Bonello and Aymo.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If it leads nowhere we can turn around and cut back +in,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about these?” Bonello asked. His two sergeants +were beside him on the seat. They were unshaven +but still military looking in the early morning.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’ll be good to push,” I said. I went back to +Aymo and told him we were going to try it across +country.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about my virgin family?” Aymo asked. The +two girls were asleep.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They won’t be very useful,” I said. “You ought to +have some one that could push.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They could go back in the car,” Aymo said. +“There’s room in the car.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right if you want them,” I said. “Pick up somebody +with a wide back to push.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bersaglieri,” Aymo smiled. “They have the widest +backs. They measure them. How do you feel, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine. How are you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine. But very hungry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There ought to be something up that road and we +will stop and eat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How’s your leg, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine,” I said. Standing on the step and looking up +ahead I could see Piani’s car pulling out onto the little +side-road and starting up it, his car showing through +the hedge of bare branches. Bonello turned off and +followed him and then Piani worked his way out and +we followed the two ambulances ahead along the narrow +road between hedges. It led to a farmhouse. We +found Piani and Bonello stopped in the farmyard. The +house was low and long with a trellis with a grape-vine +over the door. There was a well in the yard and Piani +was getting up water to fill his radiator. So much going +in low gear had boiled it out. The farmhouse was +deserted. I looked back down the road, the farmhouse +was on a slight elevation above the plain, and we could +see over the country, and saw the road, the hedges, the +fields and the line of trees along the main road where +the retreat was passing. The two sergeants were looking +through the house. The girls were awake and looking +at the courtyard, the well and the two big ambulances +in front of the farmhouse, with three drivers at +the well. One of the sergeants came out with a clock +in his hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Put it back,” I said. He looked at me, went in the +house and came back without the clock.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where’s your partner?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s gone to the latrine.” He got up on the seat of +the ambulance. He was afraid we would leave him.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about breakfast, Tenente?” Bonello asked. +“We could eat something. It wouldn’t take very long.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you think this road going down on the other +side will lead to anything?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sure.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. Let’s eat.” Piani and Bonello went in +the house.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on,” Aymo said to the girls. He held his +hand to help them down. The older sister shook her +head. They were not going into any deserted house. +They looked after us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are difficult,” Aymo said. We went into the +farmhouse together. It was large and dark, an abandoned +feeling. Bonello and Piani were in the kitchen.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s not much to eat,” Piani said. “They’ve +cleaned it out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Bonello sliced a big white cheese on the heavy kitchen +table.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where was the cheese?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In the cellar. Piani found wine too and apples.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s a good breakfast.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Piani was taking the wooden cork out of a big wicker-covered +wine jug. He tipped it and poured a copper +pan full.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It smells all right,” he said. “Find some beakers, +Barto.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The two sergeants came in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have some cheese, sergeants,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We should go,” one of the sergeants said, eating his +cheese and drinking a cup of wine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll go. Don’t worry,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“An army travels on its stomach,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What?” asked the sergeant.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s better to eat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. But time is precious.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I believe the bastards have eaten already,” Piani +said. The sergeants looked at him. They hated the lot +of us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You know the road?” one of them asked me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. They looked at each other.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We would do best to start,” the first one said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We are starting,” I said. I drank another cup of +the red wine. It tasted very good after the cheese and +apple.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bring the cheese,” I said and went out. Bonello +came out carrying the great jug of wine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s too big,” I said. He looked at it regretfully.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I guess it is,” he said. “Give me the canteens to +fill.” He filled the canteens and some of the wine ran +out on the stone paving of the courtyard. Then he +picked up the wine jug and put it just inside the door.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Austrians can find it without breaking the door +down,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll roll,” I said. “Piani and I will go ahead.” +The two engineers were already on the seat beside Bonello. +The girls were eating cheese and apples. Aymo +was smoking. We started off down the narrow road. +I looked back at the two cars coming and the farmhouse. +It was a fine, low, solid stone house and the +ironwork of the well was very good. Ahead of us the +road was narrow and muddy and there was a high +hedge on either side. Behind, the cars were following +closely.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXIX</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>At noon we were stuck in a muddy road about, as +nearly as we could figure, ten kilometres from Udine. +The rain had stopped during the forenoon and three +times we had heard planes coming, seen them pass overhead, +watched them go far to the left and heard them +bombing on the main highroad. We had worked through +a network of secondary roads and had taken many roads +that were blind, but had always, by backing up and finding +another road, gotten closer to Udine. Now, Aymo’s +car, in backing so that we might get out of a blind road, +had gotten into the soft earth at the side and the wheels, +spinning, had dug deeper and deeper until the car rested +on its differential. The thing to do now was to dig out +in front of the wheels, put in brush so that the chains +could grip, and then push until the car was on the road. +We were all down on the road around the car. The +two sergeants looked at the car and examined the +wheels. Then they started off down the road without a +word. I went after them.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on,” I said. “Cut some brush.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have to go,” one said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Get busy,” I said, “and cut brush.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have to go,” one said. The other said nothing. +They were in a hurry to start. They would not look at +me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I order you to come back to the car and cut brush,” +I said. The one sergeant turned. “We have to go on. +In a little while you will be cut off. You can’t order +us. You’re not our officer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I order you to cut brush,” I said. They turned and +started down the road.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Halt,” I said. They kept on down the muddy road, +the hedge on either side. “I order you to halt,” I called. +They went a little faster. I opened up my holster, took +the pistol, aimed at the one who had talked the most, +and fired. I missed and they both started to run. I +shot three times and dropped one. The other went +through the hedge and was out of sight. I fired at him +through the hedge as he ran across the field. The pistol +clicked empty and I put in another clip. I saw it was +too far to shoot at the second sergeant. He was far +across the field, running, his head held low. I commenced +to reload the empty clip. Bonello came up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let me go finish him,” he said. I handed him the +pistol and he walked down to where the sergeant of +engineers lay face down across the road. Bonello leaned +over, put the pistol against the man’s head and pulled +the trigger. The pistol did not fire.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have to cock it,” I said. He cocked it and +fired twice. He took hold of the sergeant’s legs and +pulled him to the side of the road so he lay beside the +hedge. He came back and handed me the pistol.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The son of a bitch,” he said. He looked toward +the sergeant. “You see me shoot him, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ve got to get the brush quickly,” I said. “Did +I hit the other one at all?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think so,” Aymo said. “He was too far +away to hit with a pistol.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The dirty scum,” Piani said. We were all cutting +twigs and branches. Everything had been taken out +of the car. Bonello was digging out in front of the +wheels. When we were ready Aymo started the car +and put it into gear. The wheels spun round throwing +brush and mud. Bonello and I pushed until we could +feel our joints crack. The car would not move.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Rock her back and forth, Barto,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He drove the engine in reverse, then forward. The +wheels only dug in deeper. Then the car was resting +on the differential again, and the wheels spun freely in +the holes they had dug. I straightened up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll try her with a rope,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think it’s any use, Tenente. You can’t get +a straight pull.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have to try it,” I said. “She won’t come out +any other way.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Piani’s and Bonello’s cars could only move straight +ahead down the narrow road. We roped both cars together +and pulled. The wheels only pulled sideways +against the ruts.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s no good,” I shouted. “Stop it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Piani and Bonello got down from their cars and +came back. Aymo got down. The girls were up the road +about forty yards sitting on a stone wall.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you say, Tenente?” Bonello asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll dig out and try once more with the brush,” +I said. I looked down the road. It was my fault. I +had led them up here. The sun was almost out from +behind the clouds and the body of the sergeant lay beside +the hedge.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll put his coat and cape under,” I said. Bonello +went to get them. I cut brush and Aymo and Piani +dug out in front and between the wheels. I cut the +cape, then ripped it in two, and laid it under the wheel +in the mud, then piled brush for the wheels to catch. +We were ready to start and Aymo got up on the seat +and started the car. The wheels spun and we pushed +and pushed. But it wasn’t any use.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s ——ed,” I said. “Is there anything you want +in the car, Barto?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Aymo climbed up with Bonello, carrying the cheese +and two bottles of wine and his cape. Bonello, sitting +behind the wheel, was looking through the pockets of +the sergeant’s coat.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Better throw the coat away,” I said. “What about +Barto’s virgins?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They can get in the back,” Piani said. “I don’t +think we are going far.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I opened the back door of the ambulance.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on,” I said. “Get in.” The two girls climbed +in and sat in the corner. They seemed to have taken no +notice of the shooting. I looked back up the road. The +sergeant lay in his dirty long-sleeved underwear. I +got up with Piani and we started. We were going to +try to cross the field. When the road entered the field +I got down and walked ahead. If we could get across, +there was a road on the other side. We could not get +across. It was too soft and muddy for the cars. When +they were finally and completely stalled, the wheels +dug in to the hubs, we left them in the field and started +on foot for Udine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When we came to the road which led back toward +the main highway I pointed down it to the two girls.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go down there,” I said. “You’ll meet people.” They +looked at me. I took out my pocket-book and gave them +each a ten-lira note. “Go down there,” I said, pointing. +“Friends! Family!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They did not understand but they held the money +tightly and started down the road. They looked back +as though they were afraid I might take the money +back. I watched them go down the road, their shawls +close around them, looking back apprehensively at us. +The three drivers were laughing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How much will you give me to go in that direction, +Tenente?” Bonello asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’re better off in a bunch of people than alone +if they catch them,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Give me two hundred lire and I’ll walk straight +back toward Austria,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’d take it away from you,” Piani said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe the war will be over,” Aymo said. We were +going up the road as fast as we could. The sun was +trying to come through. Beside the road were mulberry +trees. Through the trees I could see our two big +moving-vans of cars stuck in the field. Piani looked +back too.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’ll have to build a road to get them out,” he +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish to Christ we had bicycles,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do they ride bicycles in America?” Aymo asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They used to.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here it is a great thing,” Aymo said. “A bicycle is +a splendid thing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish to Christ we had bicycles,” Bonello said. “I’m +no walker.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is that firing?” I asked. I thought I could hear +firing a long way away.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know,” Aymo said. He listened.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think so,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The first thing we will see will be the cavalry,” +Piani said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think they’ve got any cavalry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope to Christ not,” Bonello said. “I don’t want +to be stuck on a lance by any —— cavalry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You certainly shot that sergeant, Tenente,” Piani +said. We were walking fast.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I killed him,” Bonello said. “I never killed anybody +in this war, and all my life I’ve wanted to kill a sergeant.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You killed him on the sit all right,” Piani said. +“He wasn’t flying very fast when you killed him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Never mind. That’s one thing I can always remember. +I killed that —— of a sergeant.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What will you say in confession?” Aymo asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll say, ‘Bless me, father, I killed a sergeant.’ ” They +all laughed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s an anarchist,” Piani said. “He doesn’t go to +church.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Piani’s an anarchist too,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you really anarchists?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, Tenente. We’re socialists. We come from +Imola.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Haven’t you ever been there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“By Christ it’s a fine place, Tenente. You come +there after the war and we’ll show you something.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you all socialists?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Everybody.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is it a fine town?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wonderful. You never saw a town like that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How did you get to be socialists?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’re all socialists. Everybody is a socialist. +We’ve always been socialists.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You come, Tenente. We’ll make you a socialist +too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Ahead the road turned off to the left and there was +a little hill and, beyond a stone wall, an apple orchard. +As the road went uphill they ceased talking. We walked +along together all going fast against time.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXX</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>Later we were on a road that led to a river. There +was a long line of abandoned trucks and carts on the +road leading up to the bridge. No one was in sight. +The river was high and the bridge had been blown up +in the centre; the stone arch was fallen into the river +and the brown water was going over it. We went on +up the bank looking for a place to cross. Up ahead I +knew there was a railway bridge and I thought we +might be able to get across there. The path was wet +and muddy. We did not see any troops; only abandoned +trucks and stores. Along the river bank there +was nothing and no one but the wet brush and muddy +ground. We went up to the bank and finally we saw +the railway bridge.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What a beautiful bridge,” Aymo said. It was a +long plain iron bridge across what was usually a dry +river-bed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We better hurry and get across before they blow it +up,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s nobody to blow it up,” Piani said. “They’re +all gone.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s probably mined,” Bonello said. “You cross +first, Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Listen to the anarchist,” Aymo said. “Make him +go first.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll go,” I said. “It won’t be mined to blow up with +one man.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see,” Piani said. “That is brains. Why +haven’t you brains, anarchist?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If I had brains I wouldn’t be here,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s pretty good, Tenente,” Aymo said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s pretty good,” I said. We were close to the +bridge now. The sky had clouded over again and it +was raining a little. The bridge looked long and solid. +We climbed up the embankment.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come one at a time,” I said and started across the +bridge. I watched the ties and the rails for any tripwires +or signs of explosive but I saw nothing. Down +below the gaps in the ties the river ran muddy and fast. +Ahead across the wet countryside I could see Udine in +the rain. Across the bridge I looked back. Just up the +river was another bridge. As I watched, a yellow mud-colored +motor car crossed it. The sides of the bridge +were high and the body of the car, once on, was out of +sight. But I saw the heads of the driver, the man on +the seat with him, and the two men on the rear seat. +They all wore German helmets. Then the car was over +the bridge and out of sight behind the trees and the +abandoned vehicles on the road. I waved to Aymo +who was crossing and to the others to come on. I +climbed down and crouched beside the railway embankment. +Aymo came down with me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you see the car?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. We were watching you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A German staff car crossed on the upper bridge.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A staff car?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Holy Mary.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The others came and we all crouched in the mud behind +the embankment, looking across the rails at the +bridge, the line of trees, the ditch and the road.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you think we’re cut off then, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. All I know is a German staff car +went along that road.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t feel funny, Tenente? You haven’t got +strange feelings in the head?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t be funny, Bonello.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about a drink?” Piani asked. “If we’re cut +off we might as well have a drink.” He unhooked his +canteen and uncorked it.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Look! Look!” Aymo said and pointed toward the +road. Along the top of the stone bridge we could see +German helmets moving. They were bent forward and +moved smoothly, almost supernaturally, along. As +they came off the bridge we saw them. They were +bicycle troops. I saw the faces of the first two. They +were ruddy and healthy-looking. Their helmets came +low down over their foreheads and the side of their +faces. Their carbines were clipped to the frame of the +bicycles. Stick bombs hung handle down from their +belts. Their helmets and their gray uniforms were wet +and they rode easily, looking ahead and to both sides. +There were two—then four in line, then two, then almost +a dozen; then another dozen—then one alone. +They did not talk but we could not have heard them +because of the noise from the river. They were gone +out of sight up the road.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Holy Mary,” Aymo said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They were Germans,” Piani said. “Those weren’t +Austrians.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why isn’t there somebody here to stop them?” I +said. “Why haven’t they blown the bridge up? Why +aren’t there machine-guns along this embankment?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You tell us, Tenente,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I was very angry.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The whole bloody thing is crazy. Down below they +blow up a little bridge. Here they leave a bridge on +the main road. Where is everybody? Don’t they try +and stop them at all?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You tell us, Tenente,” Bonello said. I shut up. It +was none of my business; all I had to do was to get to +Pordenone with three ambulances. I had failed at that. +All I had to do now was get to Pordenone. I probably +could not even get to Udine. The hell I couldn’t. +The thing to do was to be calm and not get shot or +captured.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Didn’t you have a canteen open?” I asked Piani. +He handed it to me. I took a long drink. “We might +as well start,” I said. “There’s no hurry though. Do +you want to eat something?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is no place to stay,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. We’ll start.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Should we keep on this side—out of sight?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll be better off on top. They may come along +this bridge too. We don’t want them on top of us +before we see them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We walked along the railroad track. On both sides +of us stretched the wet plain. Ahead across the plain +was the hill of Udine. The roofs fell away from the +castle on the hill. We could see the campanile and the +clock-tower. There were many mulberry trees in the +fields. Ahead I saw a place where the rails were torn +up. The ties had been dug out too and thrown down +the embankment.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Down! down!” Aymo said. We dropped down beside +the embankment. There was another group of +bicyclists passing along the road. I looked over the +edge and saw them go on.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They saw us but they went on,” Aymo said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll get killed up there, Tenente,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They don’t want us,” I said. “They’re after something +else. We’re in more danger if they should come +on us suddenly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d rather walk here out of sight,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. We’ll walk along the tracks.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you think we can get through?” Aymo asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sure. There aren’t very many of them yet. We’ll +go through in the dark.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What was that staff car doing?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Christ knows,” I said. We kept on up the tracks. +Bonello tired of walking in the mud of the embankment +and came up with the rest of us. The railway +moved south away from the highway now and we could +not see what passed along the road. A short bridge +over a canal was blown up but we climbed across on +what was left of the span. We heard firing ahead of +us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We came up on the railway beyond the canal. It +went on straight toward the town across the low fields. +We could see the line of the other railway ahead of us. +To the north was the main road where we had seen the +cyclists; to the south there was a small branch-road +across the fields with thick trees on each side. I +thought we had better cut to the south and work +around the town that way and across country toward +Campoformio and the main road to the Tagliamento. +We could avoid the main line of the retreat by keeping +to the secondary roads beyond Udine. I knew there +were plenty of side-roads across the plain. I started +down the embankment.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on,” I said. We would make for the side-road +and work to the south of the town. We all started +down the embankment. A shot was fired at us from the +side-road. The bullet went into the mud of the embankment.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go on back,” I shouted. I started up the embankment, +slipping in the mud. The drivers were ahead of +me. I went up the embankment as fast as I could go. +Two more shots came from the thick brush and Aymo, +as he was crossing the tracks, lurched, tripped and fell +face down. We pulled him down on the other side and +turned him over. “His head ought to be uphill,” I +said. Piani moved him around. He lay in the mud +on the side of the embankment, his feet pointing downhill, +breathing blood irregularly. The three of us +squatted over him in the rain. He was hit low in the +back of the neck and the bullet had ranged upward and +come out under the right eye. He died while I was +stopping up the two holes. Piani laid his head down, +wiped at his face, with a piece of the emergency dressing, +then let it alone.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The ——,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They weren’t Germans,” I said. “There can’t be +any Germans over there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Italians,” Piani said, using the word as an epithet, +“Italiani!” Bonello said nothing. He was sitting beside +Aymo, not looking at him. Piani picked up Aymo’s +cap where it had rolled down the embankment and put +it over his face. He took out his canteen.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want a drink?” Piani handed Bonello the +canteen.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” Bonello said. He turned to me. “That might +have happened to us any time on the railway tracks.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “It was because we started across the +field.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Bonello shook his head. “Aymo’s dead,” he said. +“Who’s dead next, Tenente? Where do we go now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Those were Italians that shot,” I said. “They +weren’t Germans.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I suppose if they were Germans they’d have killed +all of us,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We are in more danger from Italians than Germans,” +I said. “The rear guard are afraid of everything. +The Germans know what they’re after.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You reason it out, Tenente,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where do we go now?” Piani asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We better lie up some place till it’s dark. If we +could get south we’d be all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’d have to shoot us all to prove they were right +the first time,” Bonello said. “I’m not going to try +them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll find a place to lie up as near to Udine as we +can get and then go through when it’s dark.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s go then,” Bonello said. We went down the +north side of the embankment. I looked back. Aymo +lay in the mud with the angle of the embankment. He +was quite small and his arms were by his side, his +puttee-wrapped legs and muddy boots together, his cap +over his face. He looked very dead. It was raining. +I had liked him as well as any one I ever knew. I had +his papers in my pocket and would write to his family. +Ahead across the fields was a farmhouse. There were +trees around it and the farm buildings were built +against the house. There was a balcony along the second +floor held up by columns.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We better keep a little way apart,” I said. “I’ll go +ahead.” I started toward the farmhouse. There was a +path across the field.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Crossing the field, I did not know but that some one +would fire on us from the trees near the farmhouse or +from the farmhouse itself. I walked toward it, seeing +it very clearly. The balcony of the second floor merged +into the barn and there was hay coming out between +the columns. The courtyard was of stone blocks and +all the trees were dripping with the rain. There was a +big empty two-wheeled cart, the shafts tipped high up +in the rain. I came to the courtyard, crossed it, and +stood under the shelter of the balcony. The door of the +house was open and I went in. Bonello and Piani came +in after me. It was dark inside. I went back to the +kitchen. There were ashes of a fire on the big open +hearth. The pots hung over the ashes, but they were +empty. I looked around but I could not find anything +to eat.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We ought to lie up in the barn,” I said. “Do you +think you could find anything to eat, Piani, and bring +it up there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll look,” Piani said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll look too,” Bonello said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said. “I’ll go up and look at the +barn.” I found a stone stairway that went up from +the stable underneath. The stable smelt dry and pleasant +in the rain. The cattle were all gone, probably +driven off when they left. The barn was half full of +hay. There were two windows in the roof, one was +blocked with boards, the other was a narrow dormer +window on the north side. There was a chute so that +hay might be pitched down to the cattle. Beams crossed +the opening down into the main floor where the hay-carts +drove in when the hay was hauled in to be pitched +up. I heard the rain on the roof and smelled the hay +and, when I went down, the clean smell of dried dung +in the stable. We could pry a board loose and see out +of the south window down into the courtyard. The +other window looked out on the field toward the north. +We could get out of either window onto the roof and +down, or go down the hay chute if the stairs were impractical. +It was a big barn and we could hide in the +hay if we heard any one. It seemed like a good place. +I was sure we could have gotten through to the south +if they had not fired on us. It was impossible that there +were Germans there. They were coming from the north +and down the road from Cividale. They could not have +come through from the south. The Italians were even +more dangerous. They were frightened and firing on +anything they saw. Last night on the retreat we had +heard that there had been many Germans in Italian +uniforms mixing with the retreat in the north. I did +not believe it. That was one of those things you always +heard in the war. It was one of the things the enemy +always did to you. You did not know any one who +went over in German uniform to confuse them. Maybe +they did but it sounded difficult. I did not believe the +Germans did it. I did not believe they had to. There +was no need to confuse our retreat. The size of the +army and the fewness of the roads did that. Nobody +gave any orders, let alone Germans. Still, they would +shoot us for Germans. They shot Aymo. The hay +smelled good and lying in a barn in the hay took away +all the years in between. We had lain in hay and +talked and shot sparrows with an air-rifle when they +perched in the triangle cut high up in the wall of the +barn. The barn was gone now and one year they had +cut the hemlock woods and there were only stumps, +dried tree-tops, branches and fireweed where the woods +had been. You could not go back. If you did not go +forward what happened? You never got back to Milan. +And if you got back to Milan what happened? I +listened to the firing to the north toward Udine. I +could hear machine-gun firing. There was no shelling. +That was something. They must have gotten some +troops along the road. I looked down in the half-light +of the hay-barn and saw Piani standing on the hauling +floor. He had a long sausage, a jar of something and +two bottles of wine under his arm.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come up,” I said. “There is the ladder.” Then I +realized that I should help him with the things and +went down. I was vague in the head from lying in the +hay. I had been nearly asleep.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where’s Bonello?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll tell you,” Piani said. We went up the ladder. +Up on the hay we set the things down. Piani took out +his knife with the corkscrew and drew the cork on a +wine bottle.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They have sealing-wax on it,” he said. “It must be +good.” He smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where’s Bonello?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Piani looked at me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He went away, Tenente,” he said. “He wanted to +be a prisoner.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I did not say anything.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He was afraid we would get killed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I held the bottle of wine and did not say anything.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see we don’t believe in the war anyway, Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why didn’t you go?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I did not want to leave you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where did he go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know, Tenente. He went away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said. “Will you cut the sausage?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Piani looked at me in the half-light.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I cut it while we were talking,” he said. We sat +in the hay and ate the sausage and drank the wine. It +must have been wine they had saved for a wedding. It +was so old that it was losing its color.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You look out of this window, Luigi,” I said. “I’ll +go look out the other window.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We had each been drinking out of one of the bottles +and I took my bottle with me and went over and lay +flat on the hay and looked out the narrow window at +the wet country. I do not know what I expected to +see but I did not see anything except the fields and the +bare mulberry trees and the rain falling. I drank the +wine and it did not make me feel good. They had kept +it too long and it had gone to pieces and lost its quality +and color. I watched it get dark outside; the darkness +came very quickly. It would be a black night with the +rain. When it was dark there was no use watching any +more, so I went over to Piani. He was lying asleep and +I did not wake him but sat down beside him for a +while. He was a big man and he slept heavily. After +a while I woke him and we started.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>That was a very strange night. I do not know what +I had expected, death perhaps and shooting in the dark +and running, but nothing happened. We waited, lying +flat beyond the ditch along the main road while a German +battalion passed, then when they were gone we +crossed the road and went on to the north. We were +very close to Germans twice in the rain but they did +not see us. We got past the town to the north without +seeing any Italians, then after a while came on the +main channels of the retreat and walked all night +toward the Tagliamento. I had not realized how gigantic +the retreat was. The whole country was moving, as +well as the army. We walked all night, making better +time than the vehicles. My leg ached and I was tired +but we made good time. It seemed so silly for Bonello +to have decided to be taken prisoner. There was no +danger. We had walked through two armies without +incident. If Aymo had not been killed there would +never have seemed to be any danger. No one had +bothered us when we were in plain sight along the railway. +The killing came suddenly and unreasonably. I +wondered where Bonello was.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you feel, Tenente?” Piani asked. We were +going along the side of a road crowded with vehicles +and troops.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m tired of this walking.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Well, all we have to do is walk now. We don’t have +to worry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bonello was a fool.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He was a fool all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What will you do about him, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Can’t you just put him down as taken prisoner?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see if the war went on they would make bad +trouble for his family.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The war won’t go on,” a soldier said. “We’re +going home. The war is over.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Everybody’s going home.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’re all going home.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on, Tenente,” Piani said. He wanted to get +past them.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tenente? Who’s a Tenente? <span class='it'>A basso gli ufficiali!</span> +Down with the officers!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Piani took me by the arm. “I better call you by your +name,” he said. “They might try and make trouble. +They’ve shot some officers.” We worked up past them.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t make a report that will make trouble for his +family.” I went on with our conversation.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If the war is over it makes no difference,” Piani +said. “But I don’t believe it’s over. It’s too good that +it should be over.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll know pretty soon,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t believe it’s over. They all think it’s over +but I don’t believe it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“<span class='it'>Viva la Pace!</span>” a soldier shouted out. “We’re going +home!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It would be fine if we all went home,” Piani said. +“Wouldn’t you like to go home?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll never go. I don’t think it’s over.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“<span class='it'>Andiamo a casa!</span>” a soldier shouted.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They throw away their rifles,” Piani said. “They +take them off and drop them down while they’re +marching. Then they shout.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They ought to keep their rifles.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They think if they throw away their rifles they +can’t make them fight.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>In the dark and the rain, making our way along the +side of the road I could see that many of the troops +still had their rifles. They stuck up above the capes.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What brigade are you?” an officer called out.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“<span class='it'>Brigata di Pace</span>,” some one shouted. “Peace Brigade!” +The officer said nothing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What does he say? What does the officer say?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Down with the officer. <span class='it'>Viva la Pace!</span>”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on,” Piani said. We passed two British ambulances, +abandoned in the block of vehicles.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’re from Gorizia,” Piani said. “I know the +cars.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They got further than we did.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They started earlier.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wonder where the drivers are?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Up ahead probably.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Germans have stopped outside Udine,” I said. +“These people will all get across the river.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” Piani said. “That’s why I think the war will +go on.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Germans could come on,” I said. “I wonder +why they don’t come on.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. I don’t know anything about this +kind of war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They have to wait for their transport I suppose.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know,” Piani said. Alone he was much +gentler. When he was with the others he was a very +rough talker.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you married, Luigi?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You know I am married.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is that why you did not want to be a prisoner?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That is one reason. Are you married, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Neither is Bonello.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can’t tell anything by a man’s being married. +But I should think a married man would want to get +back to his wife,” I said. I would be glad to talk about +wives.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are your feet?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’re sore enough.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Before daylight we reached the bank of the Tagliamento +and followed down along the flooded river to the +bridge where all the traffic was crossing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They ought to be able to hold at this river,” Piani +said. In the dark the flood looked high. The water +swirled and it was wide. The wooden bridge was +nearly three-quarters of a mile across, and the river, +that usually ran in narrow channels in the wide stony +bed far below the bridge, was close under the wooden +planking. We went along the bank and then worked +our way into the crowd that were crossing the bridge. +Crossing slowly in the rain a few feet above the flood, +pressed tight in the crowd, the box of an artillery caisson +just ahead, I looked over the side and watched the +river. Now that we could not go our own pace I felt +very tired. There was no exhilaration in crossing the +bridge. I wondered what it would be like if a plane +bombed it in the daytime.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Piani,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here I am, Tenente.” He was a little ahead in the +jam. No one was talking. They were all trying to get +across as soon as they could: thinking only of that. +We were almost across. At the far end of the bridge +there were officers and carabinieri standing on both +sides flashing lights. I saw them silhouetted against +the sky-line. As we came close to them I saw one of +the officers point to a man in the column. A carabiniere +went in after him and came out holding the man by the +arm. He took him away from the road. We came +almost opposite them. The officers were scrutinizing +every one in the column, sometimes speaking to each +other, going forward to flash a light in some one’s +face. They took some one else out just before we came +opposite. I saw the man. He was a lieutenant-colonel. +I saw the stars in the box on his sleeve as they +flashed a light on him. His hair was gray and he was +short and fat. The carabiniere pulled him in behind the +line of officers. As we came opposite I saw one or +two of them look at me. Then one pointed at me and +spoke to a carabiniere. I saw the carabiniere start for +me, come through the edge of the column toward me, +then felt him take me by the collar.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter with you?” I said and hit him in +the face. I saw his face under the hat, upturned mustaches +and blood coming down his cheek. Another +one dove in toward us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter with you?” I said. He did not +answer. He was watching a chance to grab me. I put +my arm behind me to loosen my pistol.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you know you can’t touch an officer?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The other one grabbed me from behind and pulled +my arm up so that it twisted in the socket. I turned +with him and the other one grabbed me around the +neck. I kicked his shins and got my left knee into his +groin.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Shoot him if he resists,” I heard some one say.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the meaning of this?” I tried to shout but +my voice was not very loud. They had me at the side +of the road now.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Shoot him if he resists,” an officer said. “Take him +over back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who are you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll find out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who are you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Battle police,” another officer said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why don’t you ask me to step over instead of having +one of these airplanes grab me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They did not answer. They did not have to answer. +They were battle police.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take him back there with the others,” the first +officer said. “You see. He speaks Italian with an accent.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So do you, you ——,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take him back with the others,” the first officer +said. They took me down behind the line of officers +below the road toward a group of people in a field by +the river bank. As we walked toward them shots were +fired. I saw flashes of the rifles and heard the reports. +We came up to the group. There were four officers +standing together, with a man in front of them with a +carabiniere on each side of him. A group of men were +standing guarded by carabinieri. Four other carabinieri +stood near the questioning officers, leaning on their +carbines. They were wide-hatted carabinieri. The +two who had me shoved me in with the group waiting +to be questioned. I looked at the man the officers were +questioning. He was the fat gray-haired little lieutenant-colonel +they had taken out of the column. The +questioners had all the efficiency, coldness and command +of themselves of Italians who are firing and are +not being fired on.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Your brigade?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He told them.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Regiment?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He told them.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why are you not with your regiment?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He told them.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you not know that an officer should be with his +troops?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He did.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>That was all. Another officer spoke.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is you and such as you that have let the barbarians +onto the sacred soil of the fatherland.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I beg your pardon,” said the lieutenant-colonel.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is because of treachery such as yours that we +have lost the fruits of victory.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you ever been in a retreat?” the lieutenant-colonel +asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Italy should never retreat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We stood there in the rain and listened to this. We +were facing the officers and the prisoner stood in front +and a little to one side of us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you are going to shoot me,” the lieutenant-colonel +said, “please shoot me at once without further +questioning. The questioning is stupid.” He made the +sign of the cross. The officers spoke together. One +wrote something on a pad of paper.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Abandoned his troops, ordered to be shot,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Two carabinieri took the lieutenant-colonel to the +river bank. He walked in the rain, an old man with +his hat off, a carabiniere on either side. I did not +watch them shoot him but I heard the shots. They +were questioning some one else. This officer too was +separated from his troops. He was not allowed to make +an explanation. He cried when they read the sentence +from the pad of paper, and they were questioning another +when they shot him. They made a point of being +intent on questioning the next man while the man who +had been questioned before was being shot. In this way +there was obviously nothing they could do about it. I +did not know whether I should wait to be questioned or +make a break now. I was obviously a German in Italian +uniform. I saw how their minds worked; if they had +minds and if they worked. They were all young men +and they were saving their country. The second army +was being re-formed beyond the Tagliamento. They +were executing officers of the rank of major and above +who were separated from their troops. They were also +dealing summarily with German agitators in Italian uniform. +They wore steel helmets. Only two of us had +steel helmets. Some of the carabinieri had them. The +other carabinieri wore the wide hat. Airplanes we called +them. We stood in the rain and were taken out one at +a time to be questioned and shot. So far they had shot +every one they had questioned. The questioners had +that beautiful detachment and devotion to stern justice +of men dealing in death without being in any danger +of it. They were questioning a full colonel of a line +regiment. Three more officers had just been put in +with us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where was his regiment?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I looked at the carabinieri. They were looking at the +newcomers. The others were looking at the colonel. I +ducked down, pushed between two men, and ran for +the river, my head down. I tripped at the edge and +went in with a splash. The water was very cold and I +stayed under as long as I could. I could feel the current +swirl me and I stayed under until I thought I +could never come up. The minute I came up I took a +breath and went down again. It was easy to stay +under with so much clothing and my boots. When I +came up the second time I saw a piece of timber ahead +of me and reached it and held on with one hand. I +kept my head behind it and did not even look over it. +I did not want to see the bank. There were shots when +I ran and shots when I came up the first time. I heard +them when I was almost above water. There were no +shots now. The piece of timber swung in the current +and I held it with one hand. I looked at the bank. It +seemed to be going by very fast. There was much +wood in the stream. The water was very cold. We +passed the brush of an island above the water. I held +onto the timber with both hands and let it take me +along. The shore was out of sight now.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXI</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>You do not know how long you are in a river when +the current moves swiftly. It seems a long time and it +may be very short. The water was cold and in flood +and many things passed that had been floated off the +banks when the river rose. I was lucky to have a heavy +timber to hold on to, and I lay in the icy water with +my chin on the wood, holding as easily as I could with +both hands. I was afraid of cramps and I hoped we +would move toward the shore. We went down the +river in a long curve. It was beginning to be light +enough so I could see the bushes along the shore-line. +There was a brush island ahead and the current moved +toward the shore. I wondered if I should take off my +boots and clothes and try to swim ashore, but decided +not to. I had never thought of anything but that I +would reach the shore some way, and I would be in a +bad position if I landed barefoot. I had to get to Mestre +some way.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I watched the shore come close, then swing away, +then come closer again. We were floating more slowly. +The shore was very close now. I could see twigs on +the willow bush. The timber swung slowly so that the +bank was behind me and I knew we were in an eddy. +We went slowly around. As I saw the bank again, very +close now, I tried holding with one arm and kicking +and swimming the timber toward the bank with the +other, but I did not bring it any closer. I was afraid +we would move out of the eddy and, holding with one +hand, I drew up my feet so they were against the side +of the timber and shoved hard toward the bank. I +could see the brush, but even with my momentum and +swimming as hard as I could, the current was taking me +away. I thought then I would drown because of my +boots, but I thrashed and fought through the water, +and when I looked up the bank was coming toward me, +and I kept thrashing and swimming in a heavy-footed +panic until I reached it. I hung to the willow branch +and did not have strength to pull myself up but I knew +I would not drown now. It had never occurred to me +on the timber that I might drown. I felt hollow and +sick in my stomach and chest from the effort, and I +held to the branches and waited. When the sick feeling +was gone I pulled into the willow bushes and rested +again, my arms around some brush, holding tight with +my hands to the branches. Then I crawled out, pushed +on through the willows and onto the bank. It was half-daylight +and I saw no one. I lay flat on the bank and +heard the river and the rain.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>After a while I got up and started along the bank. +I knew there was no bridge across the river until Latisana. +I thought I might be opposite San Vito. I began +to think out what I should do. Ahead there was a +ditch running into the river. I went toward it. So far +I had seen no one and I sat down by some bushes along +the bank of the ditch and took off my shoes and emptied +them of water. I took off my coat, took my wallet +with my papers and my money all wet in it out of the +inside pocket and then wrung the coat out. I took off +my trousers and wrung them too, then my shirt and +underclothing. I slapped and rubbed myself and then +dressed again. I had lost my cap.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Before I put on my coat I cut the cloth stars off my +sleeves and put them in the inside pocket with my +money. My money was wet but was all right. I counted +it. There were three thousand and some lire. My +clothes felt wet and clammy and I slapped my arms to +keep the circulation going. I had woven underwear and +I did not think I would catch cold if I kept moving. +They had taken my pistol at the road and I put the +holster under my coat. I had no cape and it was cold +in the rain. I started up the bank of the canal. It was +daylight and the country was wet, low and dismal looking. +The fields were bare and wet; a long way away +I could see a campanile rising out of the plain. I came +up onto a road. Ahead I saw some troops coming down +the road. I limped along the side of the road and they +passed me and paid no attention to me. They were +a machine-gun detachment going up toward the river. +I went on down the road.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>That day I crossed the Venetian plain. It is a low +level country and under the rain it is even flatter. Toward +the sea there are salt marshes and very few roads. +The roads all go along the river mouths to the sea and +to cross the country you must go along the paths beside +the canals. I was working across the country from the +north to the south and had crossed two railway lines +and many roads and finally I came out at the end of a +path onto a railway line where it ran beside a marsh. +It was the main line from Venice to Trieste, with a +high solid embankment, a solid roadbed and double +track. Down the tracks a way was a flag-station and +I could see soldiers on guard. Up the line there was a +bridge over a stream that flowed into the marsh. I +could see a guard too at the bridge. Crossing the fields +to the north I had seen a train pass on this railroad, +visible a long way across the flat plain, and I thought +a train might come from Portogruaro. I watched the +guards and lay down on the embankment so that I +could see both ways along the track. The guard at the +bridge walked a way up the line toward where I lay, +then turned and went back toward the bridge. I lay, +and was hungry, and waited for the train. The one I +had seen was so long that the engine moved it very +slowly and I was sure I could get aboard it. After I +had almost given up hoping for one I saw a train coming. +The engine, coming straight on, grew larger slowly. +I looked at the guard at the bridge. He was walking +on the near side of the bridge but on the other side of +the tracks. That would put him out of sight when the +train passed. I watched the engine come nearer. It +was working hard. I could see there were many cars. +I knew there would be guards on the train, and I tried +to see where they were, but, keeping out of sight, I +could not. The engine was almost to where I was lying. +When it came opposite, working and puffing even on the +level, and I saw the engineer pass, I stood up and +stepped up close to the passing cars. If the guards +were watching I was a less suspicious object standing +beside the track. Several closed freight-cars passed. +Then I saw a low open car of the sort they call gondolas +coming, covered with canvas. I stood until it had almost +passed, then jumped and caught the rear hand-rods +and pulled up. I crawled down between the gondola +and the shelter of the high freight-car behind. I +did not think any one had seen me. I was holding to +the hand-rods and crouching low, my feet on the coupling. +We were almost opposite the bridge. I remembered +the guard. As we passed him he looked at me. +He was a boy and his helmet was too big for him. I +stared at him contemptuously and he looked away. He +thought I had something to do with the train.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We were past. I saw him still looking uncomfortable, +watching the other cars pass and I stooped to see +how the canvas was fastened. It had grummets and was +laced down at the edge with cord. I took out my knife, +cut the cord and put my arm under. There were hard +bulges under the canvas that tightened in the rain. I +looked up and ahead. There was a guard on the +freight-car ahead but he was looking forward. I let +go of the hand-rails and ducked under the canvas. My +forehead hit something that gave me a violent bump +and I felt blood on my face but I crawled on in and lay +flat. Then I turned around and fastened down the canvas.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I was in under the canvas with guns. They smelled +cleanly of oil and grease. I lay and listened to the +rain on the canvas and the clicking of the car over the +rails. There was a little light came through and I lay +and looked at the guns. They had their canvas jackets +on. I thought they must have been sent ahead from +the third army. The bump on my forehead was swollen +and I stopped the bleeding by lying still and letting it +coagulate, then picked away the dried blood except over +the cut. It was nothing. I had no handkerchief, but +feeling with my fingers I washed away where the dried +blood had been, with rain-water that dripped from the +canvas, and wiped it clean with the sleeve of my coat. +I did not want to look conspicuous. I knew I would +have to get out before they got to Mestre because they +would be taking care of these guns. They had no guns +to lose or forget about. I was terrifically hungry.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>Lying on the floor of the flat-car with the guns beside +me under the canvas I was wet, cold and very hungry. +Finally I rolled over and lay flat on my stomach +with my head on my arms. My knee was stiff, but it +had been very satisfactory. Valentini had done a fine +job. I had done half the retreat on foot and swum part +of the Tagliamento with his knee. It was his knee all +right. The other knee was mine. Doctors did things +to you and then it was not your body any more. The +head was mine, and the inside of the belly. It was very +hungry in there. I could feel it turn over on itself. The +head was mine, but not to use, not to think with; only +to remember and not too much remember.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I could remember Catherine but I knew I would get +crazy if I thought about her when I was not sure yet I +would see her, so I would not think about her, only +about her a little, only about her with the car going +slowly and clickingly, and some light through the canvas +and my lying with Catherine on the floor of the +car. Hard as the floor of the car to lie not thinking +only feeling, having been away too long, the clothes +wet and the floor moving only a little each time and +lonesome inside and alone with wet clothing and hard +floor for a wife.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>You did not love the floor of a flat-car nor guns with +canvas jackets and the smell of vaselined metal or a +canvas that rain leaked through, although it is very +fine under a canvas and pleasant with guns; but you +loved some one else whom now you knew was not even +to be pretended there; you seeing now very clearly and +coldly—not so coldly as clearly and emptily. You saw +emptily, lying on your stomach, having been present +when one army moved back and another came forward. +You had lost your cars and your men as a floorwalker +loses the stock of his department in a fire. There was, +however, no insurance. You were out of it now. You +had no more obligation. If they shot floorwalkers after +a fire in the department store because they spoke +with an accent they had always had, then certainly the +floorwalkers would not be expected to return when the +store opened again for business. They might seek other +employment; if there was any other employment and +the police did not get them.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Anger was washed away in the river along with any +obligation. Although that ceased when the carabiniere +put his hands on my collar. I would like to have had +the uniform off although I did not care much about the +outward forms. I had taken off the stars, but that was +for convenience. It was no point of honor. I was not +against them. I was through. I wished them all the +luck. There were the good ones, and the brave ones, and +the calm ones and the sensible ones, and they deserved +it. But it was not my show any more and I wished this +bloody train would get to Mestre and I would eat and +stop thinking. I would have to stop.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Piani would tell them they had shot me. They went +through the pockets and took the papers of the people +they shot. They would not have my papers. They might +call me drowned. I wondered what they would hear in +the States. Dead from wounds and other causes. Good +Christ I was hungry. I wondered what had become of +the priest at the mess. And Rinaldi. He was probably +at Pordenone. If they had not gone further back. Well, +I would never see him now. I would never see any of +them now. That life was over. I did not think he had +syphilis. It was not a serious disease anyway if you +took it in time, they said. But he would worry. I +would worry too if I had it. Any one would worry.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I was not made to think. I was made to eat. My +God, yes. Eat and drink and sleep with Catherine. +To-night maybe. No that was impossible. But to-morrow +night, and a good meal and sheets and never +going away again except together. Probably have to +go damned quickly. She would go. I knew she would +go. When would we go? That was something to think +about. It was getting dark. I lay and thought where +we would go. There were many places.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<div><h1>BOOK IV</h1></div> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXIII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>I dropped off the train in Milan as it slowed to come +into the station early in the morning before it was light. +I crossed the track and came out between some buildings +and down onto the street. A wine shop was open +and I went in for some coffee. It smelled of early +morning, of swept dust, spoons in coffee-glasses and +the wet circles left by wine-glasses. The proprietor was +behind the bar. Two soldiers sat at a table. I stood at +the bar and drank a glass of coffee and ate a piece of +bread. The coffee was gray with milk, and I skimmed +the milk scum off the top with a piece of bread. The +proprietor looked at me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You want a glass of grappa?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No thanks.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“On me,” he said and poured a small glass and +pushed it toward me. “What’s happening at the front?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I would not know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are drunk,” he said, moving his hand toward +the two soldiers. I could believe him. They looked +drunk.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me,” he said, “what is happening at the +front?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I would not know about the front.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I saw you come down the wall. You came off the +train.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There is a big retreat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I read the papers. What happens? Is it over?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He filled the glass with grappa from a short bottle. +“If you are in trouble,” he said, “I can keep you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am not in trouble.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you are in trouble stay here with me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where does one stay?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In the building. Many stay here. Any who are in +trouble stay here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are many in trouble?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It depends on the trouble. You are a South American?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Speak Spanish?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A little.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He wiped off the bar.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is hard now to leave the country but in no way +impossible.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have no wish to leave.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can stay here as long as you want. You will +see what sort of man I am.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have to go this morning but I will remember the +address to return.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He shook his head. “You won’t come back if you +talk like that. I thought you were in real trouble.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am in no trouble. But I value the address of a +friend.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I put a ten-lira note on the bar to pay for the coffee.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have a grappa with me,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is not necessary.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He poured the two glasses.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Remember,” he said. “Come here. Do not let other +people take you in. Here you are all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am sure.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are sure?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He was serious. “Then let me tell you one thing. +Do not go about with that coat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“On the sleeves it shows very plainly where the stars +have been cut away. The cloth is a different color.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I did not say anything.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you have no papers I can give you papers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What papers?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Leave-papers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have no need for papers. I have papers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” he said. “But if you need papers I can +get what you wish.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How much are such papers?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It depends on what they are. The price is reasonable.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t need any now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m all right,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When I went out he said, “Don’t forget that I am +your friend.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will see you again,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Outside I kept away from the station, where there +were military police, and picked up a cab at the edge +of the little park. I gave the driver the address of the +hospital. At the hospital I went to the porter’s lodge. +His wife embraced me. He shook my hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are back. You are safe.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you had breakfast?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are you, Tenente? How are you?” the wife +asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Won’t you have breakfast with us?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, thank you. Tell me is Miss Barkley here at the +hospital now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Miss Barkley?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The English lady nurse.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“His girl,” the wife said. She patted my arm and +smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” the porter said. “She is away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>My heart went down. “You are sure? I mean the +tall blonde English young lady.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am sure. She is gone to Stresa.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When did she go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She went two days ago with the other lady English.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good,” I said. “I wish you to do something for me. +Do not tell any one you have seen me. It is very important.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t tell any one,” the porter said. I gave him +a ten-lira note. He pushed it away.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I promise you I will tell no one,” he said. “I don’t +want any money.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What can we do for you, Signor Tenente?” his +wife asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Only that,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We are dumb,” the porter said. “You will let me +know anything I can do?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said. “Good-by. I will see you again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They stood in the door, looking after me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I got into the cab and gave the driver the address of +Simmons, one of the men I knew who was studying +singing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Simmons lived a long way out in the town toward +the Porta Magenta. He was still in bed and sleepy +when I went to see him.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You get up awfully early, Henry,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I came in on the early train.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s all this retreat? Were you at the front? +Will you have a cigarette? They’re in that box on the +table.” It was a big room with a bed beside the wall, +a piano over on the far side and a dresser and table. +I sat on a chair by the bed. Simmons sat propped up +by the pillows and smoked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m in a jam, Sim,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So am I,” he said. “I’m always in a jam. Won’t +you smoke?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “What’s the procedure in going to +Switzerland?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“For you? The Italians wouldn’t let you out of the +country.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I know that. But the Swiss. What will they +do?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They intern you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know. But what’s the mechanics of it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing. It’s very simple. You can go anywhere. +I think you just have to report or something. Why? +Are you fleeing the police?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing definite yet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t tell me if you don’t want. But it would be +interesting to hear. Nothing happens here. I was a +great flop at Piacenza.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m awfully sorry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh yes—I went very badly. I sung well too. I’m +going to try it again at the Lyrico here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d like to be there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re awfully polite. You aren’t in a bad mess, +are you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t tell me if you don’t want. How do you happen +to be away from the bloody front?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think I’m through with it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good boy. I always knew you had sense. Can I +help you any way?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re awfully busy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not a bit of it, my dear Henry. Not a bit of it. +I’d be happy to do anything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re about my size. Would you go out and buy +me an outfit of civilian clothes? I’ve clothes but they’re +all at Rome.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You did live there, didn’t you? It’s a filthy place. +How did you ever live there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wanted to be an architect.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s no place for that. Don’t buy clothes. I’ll +give you all the clothes you want. I’ll fit you out so +you’ll be a great success. Go in that dressing room. +There’s a closet. Take anything you want. My dear +fellow, you don’t want to buy clothes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d rather buy them, Sim.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“My dear fellow, it’s easier for me to let you have +them than go out and buy them. Have you got a passport? +You won’t get far without a passport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I’ve still got my passport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then get dressed, my dear fellow, and off to old +Helvetia.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not that simple. I have to go up to Stresa first.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ideal, my dear fellow. You just row a boat across. +If I wasn’t trying to sing, I’d go with you. I’ll go yet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You could take up yodelling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“My dear fellow, I’ll take up yodelling yet. I really +can sing though. That’s the strange part.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll bet you can sing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He lay back in bed smoking a cigarette.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t bet too much. But I can sing though. It’s +damned funny, but I can. I like to sing. Listen.” He +roared into “Africana,” his neck swelling, the veins +standing out. “I can sing,” he said. “Whether they like +it or not.” I looked out of the window. “I’ll go down +and let my cab go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come back up, my dear fellow, and we’ll have breakfast.” +He stepped out of bed, stood straight, took a +deep breath and commenced doing bending exercises. +I went downstairs and paid off the cab.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXIV</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>In civilian clothes I felt a masquerader. I had been +in uniform a long time and I missed the feeling of +being held by your clothes. The trousers felt very +floppy. I had bought a ticket at Milan for Stresa. I +had also bought a new hat. I could not wear Sim’s +hat but his clothes were fine. They smelled of tobacco +and as I sat in the compartment and looked out the window +the new hat felt very new and the clothes very old. +I myself felt as sad as the wet Lombard country that +was outside through the window. There were some +aviators in the compartment who did not think much +of me. They avoided looking at me and were very +scornful of a civilian my age. I did not feel insulted. +In the old days I would have insulted them and picked +a fight. They got off at Gallarate and I was glad to be +alone. I had the paper but I did not read it because I +did not want to read about the war. I was going to +forget the war. I had made a separate peace. I felt +damned lonely and was glad when the train got to +Stresa.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>At the station I had expected to see the porters from +the hotels but there was no one. The season had been +over a long time and no one met the train. I got down +from the train with my bag, it was Sim’s bag, and very +light to carry, being empty except for two shirts, and +stood under the roof of the station in the rain while +the train went on. I found a man in the station and +asked him if he knew what hotels were open. The Grand-Hôtel +& des Isles Borromées was open and several small +hotels that stayed open all the year. I started in the +rain for the Isles Borromées carrying my bag. I saw a +carriage coming down the street and signalled to the +driver. It was better to arrive in a carriage. We drove +up to the carriage entrance of the big hotel and the concierge +came out with an umbrella and was very polite.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I took a good room. It was very big and light and +looked out on the lake. The clouds were down over the +lake but it would be beautiful with the sunlight. I was +expecting my wife, I said. There was a big double bed, +a <span class='it'>letto matrimoniale</span> with a satin coverlet. The hotel +was very luxurious. I went down the long halls, down +the wide stairs, through the rooms to the bar. I knew +the barman and sat on a high stool and ate salted almonds +and potato chips. The martini felt cool and +clean.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What are you doing here in <span class='it'>borghese</span>?” the barman +asked after he had mixed a second martini.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am on leave. Convalescing-leave.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There is no one here. I don’t know why they keep +the hotel open.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you been fishing?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve caught some beautiful pieces. Trolling this +time of year you catch some beautiful pieces.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you ever get the tobacco I sent?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Didn’t you get my card?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I laughed. I had not been able to get the tobacco. +It was American pipe-tobacco that he wanted, but my +relatives had stopped sending it or it was being held up. +Anyway it never came.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll get some somewhere,” I said. “Tell me have you +seen two English girls in the town? They came here +day before yesterday.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are not at the hotel.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are nurses.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have seen two nurses. Wait a minute, I will find +out where they are.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“One of them is my wife,” I said. “I have come +here to meet her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The other is my wife.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am not joking.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Pardon my stupid joke,” he said. “I did not understand.” +He went away and was gone quite a little +while. I ate olives, salted almonds and potato chips +and looked at myself in civilian clothes in the mirror behind +the bar. The bartender came back. “They are at +the little hotel near the station,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How about some sandwiches?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll ring for some. You understand there is nothing +here, now there are no people.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Isn’t there really any one at all?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. There are a few people.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The sandwiches came and I ate three and drank a +couple more martinis. I had never tasted anything so +cool and clean. They made me feel civilized. I had had +too much red wine, bread, cheese, bad coffee and grappa. +I sat on the high stool before the pleasant mahogany, +the brass and the mirrors and did not think at all. The +barman asked me some question.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t talk about the war,” I said. The war was a +long way away. Maybe there wasn’t any war. There +was no war here. Then I realized it was over for me. +But I did not have the feeling that it was really over. +I had the feeling of a boy who thinks of what is happening +at a certain hour at the schoolhouse from which he +has played truant.</p> + +<hr class='tbk107'/> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine and Helen Ferguson were at supper when +I came to their hotel. Standing in the hallway I saw +them at table. Catherine’s face was away from me and +I saw the line of her hair and her cheek and her lovely +neck and shoulders. Ferguson was talking. She stopped +when I came in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“My God,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hello,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why it’s you!” Catherine said. Her face lighted +up. She looked too happy to believe it. I kissed her. +Catherine blushed and I sat down at the table.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a fine mess,” Ferguson said. “What are +you doing here? Have you eaten?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.” The girl who was serving the meal came in +and I told her to bring a plate for me. Catherine looked +at me all the time, her eyes happy.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What are you doing in mufti?” Ferguson asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m in the Cabinet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re in some mess.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Cheer up, Fergy. Cheer up just a little.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not cheered by seeing you. I know the mess +you’ve gotten this girl into. You’re no cheerful sight +to me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine smiled at me and touched me with her +foot under the table.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No one got me in a mess, Fergy. I get in my own +messes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t stand him,” Ferguson said. “He’s done +nothing but ruin you with his sneaking Italian tricks. +Americans are worse than Italians.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Scotch are such a moral people,” Catherine +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t mean that. I mean his Italian sneakiness.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Am I sneaky, Fergy?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are. You’re worse than sneaky. You’re like a +snake. A snake with an Italian uniform: with a cape +around your neck.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I haven’t got an Italian uniform now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s just another example of your sneakiness. +You had a love affair all summer and got this girl with +child and now I suppose you’ll sneak off.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I smiled at Catherine and she smiled at me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll both sneak off,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re two of the same thing,” Ferguson said. +“I’m ashamed of you, Catherine Barkley. You have +no shame and no honor and you’re as sneaky as he is.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t, Fergy,” Catherine said and patted her hand. +“Don’t denounce me. You know we like each other.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take your hand away,” Ferguson said. Her face +was red. “If you had any shame it would be different. +But you’re God knows how many months gone with +child and you think it’s a joke and are all smiles because +your seducer’s come back. You’ve no shame and no +feelings.” She began to cry. Catherine went over and +put her arm around her. As she stood comforting Ferguson, +I could see no change in her figure.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t care,” Ferguson sobbed. “I think it’s dreadful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There, there, Fergy,” Catherine comforted her. +“I’ll be ashamed. Don’t cry, Fergy. Don’t cry, old +Fergy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not crying,” Ferguson sobbed. “I’m not crying. +Except for the awful thing you’ve gotten into.” She +looked at me. “I hate you,” she said. “She can’t make +me not hate you. You dirty sneaking American Italian.” +Her eyes and nose were red with crying.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine smiled at me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you smile at him with your arm around me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re unreasonable, Fergy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know it,” Ferguson sobbed. “You mustn’t mind +me, either of you. I’m so upset. I’m not reasonable. I +know it. I want you both to be happy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’re happy,” Catherine said. “You’re a sweet +Fergy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Ferguson cried again. “I don’t want you happy the +way you are. Why don’t you get married? You haven’t +got another wife have you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. Catherine laughed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s nothing to laugh about,” Ferguson said. +“Plenty of them have other wives.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll be married, Fergy,” Catherine said, “if it +will please you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not to please me. You should want to be married.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ve been very busy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I know. Busy making babies.” I thought +she was going to cry again but she went into bitterness +instead. “I suppose you’ll go off with him now to-night?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” said Catherine. “If he wants me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you afraid to stay here alone?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, I am.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then I’ll stay with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, go on with him. Go with him right away. +I’m sick of seeing both of you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’d better finish dinner.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Go right away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fergy, be reasonable.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I say get out right away. Go away both of you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s go then,” I said. I was sick of Fergy.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You do want to go. You see you want to leave me +even to eat dinner alone. I’ve always wanted to go to +the Italian lakes and this is how it is. Oh, Oh,” she +sobbed, then looked at Catherine and choked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll stay till after dinner,” Catherine said. “And +I’ll not leave you alone if you want me to stay. I +won’t leave you alone, Fergy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. No. I want you to go. I want you to go.” +She wiped her eyes. “I’m so unreasonable. Please +don’t mind me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The girl who served the meal had been upset by all +the crying. Now as she brought in the next course +she seemed relieved that things were better.</p> + +<hr class='tbk108'/> + +<p class='pindent'>That night at the hotel, in our room with the long +empty hall outside and our shoes outside the door, a +thick carpet on the floor of the room, outside the windows +the rain falling and in the room light and pleasant +and cheerful, then the light out and it exciting with +smooth sheets and the bed comfortable, feeling that we +had come home, feeling no longer alone, waking in the +night to find the other one there, and not gone away; +all other things were unreal. We slept when we were +tired and if we woke the other one woke too so one +was not alone. Often a man wishes to be alone and a +girl wishes to be alone too and if they love each other +they are jealous of that in each other, but I can truly +say we never felt that. We could feel alone when we +were together, alone against the others. It has only +happened to me like that once. I have been alone while +I was with many girls and that is the way that you can +be most lonely. But we were never lonely and never +afraid when we were together. I know that the night +is not the same as the day: that all things are different, +that the things of the night cannot be explained in the +day, because they do not then exist, and the night can +be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness +has started. But with Catherine there was almost +no difference in the night except that it was an even +better time. If people bring so much courage to this +world the world has to kill them to break them, so of +course it kills them. The world breaks every one and +afterward many are strong at the broken places. But +those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good +and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If +you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you +too but there will be no special hurry.</p> + +<hr class='tbk109'/> + +<p class='pindent'>I remember waking in the morning. Catherine was +asleep and the sunlight was coming in through the window. +The rain had stopped and I stepped out of bed +and across the floor to the window. Down below were +the gardens, bare now but beautifully regular, the +gravel paths, the trees, the stone wall by the lake and the +lake in the sunlight with the mountains beyond. I +stood at the window looking out and when I turned +away I saw Catherine was awake and watching me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are you, darling?” she said. “Isn’t it a lovely +day?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How do you feel?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I feel very well. We had a lovely night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want breakfast?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She wanted breakfast. So did I and we had it in +bed, the November sunlight coming in the window, and +the breakfast tray across my lap.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you want the paper? You always wanted the +paper in the hospital.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “I don’t want the paper now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Was it so bad you don’t want even to read about +it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want to read about it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish I had been with you so I would know about +it too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll tell you about it if I ever get it straight in my +head.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But won’t they arrest you if they catch you out of +uniform?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They’ll probably shoot me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then we’ll not stay here. We’ll get out of the +country.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d thought something of that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll get out. Darling, you shouldn’t take silly +chances. Tell me how did you come from Mestre to +Milan?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I came on the train. I was in uniform then.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Weren’t you in danger then?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not much. I had an old order of movement. I +fixed the dates on it in Mestre.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Darling, you’re liable to be arrested here any time. +I won’t have it. It’s silly to do something like that. +Where would we be if they took you off?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s not think about it. I’m tired of thinking +about it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What would you do if they came to arrest you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Shoot them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see how silly you are, I won’t let you go out of +the hotel until we leave here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where are we going to go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please don’t be that way, darling. We’ll go wherever +you say. But please find some place to go right +away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Switzerland is down the lake, we can go there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That will be lovely.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was clouding over outside and the lake was darkening.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish we did not always have to live like criminals,” +I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Darling, don’t be that way. You haven’t lived like +a criminal very long. And we never live like criminals. +We’re going to have a fine time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I feel like a criminal. I’ve deserted from the army.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Darling, <span class='it'>please</span> be sensible. It’s not deserting from +the army. It’s only the Italian army.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I laughed. “You’re a fine girl. Let’s get back into +bed. I feel fine in bed.”</p> + +<hr class='tbk110'/> + +<p class='pindent'>A little while later Catherine said, “You don’t feel +like a criminal do you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “Not when I’m with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re such a silly boy,” she said. “But I’ll look +after you. Isn’t it splendid, darling, that I don’t have +any morning-sickness?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s grand.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t appreciate what a fine wife you have. +But I don’t care. I’ll get you some place where they +can’t arrest you and then we’ll have a lovely time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s go there right away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We will, darling. I’ll go any place any time you +wish.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s not think about anything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXV</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine went along the lake to the little hotel to +see Ferguson and I sat in the bar and read the papers. +There were comfortable leather chairs in the bar and I +sat in one of them and read until the barman came in. +The army had not stood at the Tagliamento. They +were falling back to the Piave. I remembered the +Piave. The railroad crossed it near San Dona going +up to the front. It was deep and slow there and quite +narrow. Down below there were mosquito marshes +and canals. There were some lovely villas. Once, before +the war, going up to Cortina D’Ampezzo I had +gone along it for several hours in the hills. Up there +it looked like a trout stream, flowing swiftly with shallow +stretches and pools under the shadow of the rocks. +The road turned off from it at Cadore. I wondered +how the army that was up there would come down. +The barman came in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Count Greffi was asking for you,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Count Greffi. You remember the old man who was +here when you were here before.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is he here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, he’s here with his niece. I told him you were +here. He wants you to play billiards.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where is he?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s taking a walk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How is he?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s younger than ever. He drank three champagne +cocktails last night before dinner.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How’s his billiard game?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good. He beat me. When I told him you were +here he was very pleased. There’s nobody here for him +to play with.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Count Greffi was ninety-four years old. He had +been a contemporary of Metternich and was an old +man with white hair and mustache and beautiful manners. +He had been in the diplomatic service of both +Austria and Italy and his birthday parties were the +great social event of Milan. He was living to be one +hundred years old and played a smoothly fluent game +of billiards that contrasted with his own ninety-four-year-old +brittleness. I had met him when I had been +at Stresa once before out of season and while we +played billiards we drank champagne. I thought it was +a splendid custom and he gave me fifteen points in a +hundred and beat me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I forgot it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who else is here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No one you know. There are only six people altogether.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What are you doing now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on out fishing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I could come for an hour.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on. Bring the trolling line.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The barman put on a coat and we went out. We +went down and got a boat and I rowed while the barman +sat in the stern and let out the line with a spinner +and a heavy sinker on the end to troll for lake trout. +We rowed along the shore, the barman holding the line +in his hand and giving it occasional jerks forward. +Stresa looked very deserted from the lake. There were +the long rows of bare trees, the big hotels and the +closed villas. I rowed across to Isola Bella and went +close to the walls, where the water deepened sharply, +and you saw the rock wall slanting down in the clear +water, and then up and along to the fisherman’s island. +The sun was under a cloud and the water was dark and +smooth and very cold. We did not have a strike though +we saw some circles on the water from rising fish.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I rowed up opposite the fisherman’s island where +there were boats drawn up and men were mending nets.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Should we get a drink?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I brought the boat up to the stone pier and the barman +pulled in the line, coiling it on the bottom of the +boat and hooking the spinner on the edge of the gunwale. +I stepped out and tied the boat. We went into a +little café, sat at a bare wooden table and ordered vermouth.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you tired from rowing?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll row back,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I like to row.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe if you hold the line it will change the luck.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me how goes the war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Rotten.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t have to go. I’m too old, like Count Greffi.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe you’ll have to go yet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Next year they’ll call my class. But I won’t go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What will you do?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Get out of the country. I wouldn’t go to war. I +was at the war once in Abyssinia. Nix. Why do you +go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know. I was a fool.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have another vermouth?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The barman rowed back. We trolled up the lake beyond +Stresa and then down not far from shore. I +held the taut line and felt the faint pulsing of the spinner +revolving while I looked at the dark November +water of the lake and the deserted shore. The barman +rowed with long strokes and on the forward thrust of +the boat the line throbbed. Once I had a strike: the +line hardened suddenly and jerked back, I pulled and +felt the live weight of the trout and then the line +throbbed again. I had missed him.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did he feel big?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Pretty big.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Once when I was out trolling alone I had the line +in my teeth and one struck and nearly took my mouth +out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The best way is to have it over your leg,” I said. +“Then you feel it and don’t lose your teeth.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I put my hand in the water. It was very cold. We +were almost opposite the hotel now.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have to go in,” the barman said, “to be there for +eleven o’clock. <span class='it'>L’heure du cocktail.</span>”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I pulled in the line and wrapped it on a stick notched +at each end. The barman put the boat in a little slip in +the stone wall and locked it with a chain and padlock.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Any time you want it,” he said, “I’ll give you the +key.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thanks.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went up to the hotel and in to the bar. I did not +want another drink so early in the morning so I went +up to our room. The maid had just finished doing the +room and Catherine was not back yet. I lay down on +the bed and tried to keep from thinking.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When Catherine came back it was all right again. +Ferguson was downstairs, she said. She was coming +to lunch.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I knew you wouldn’t mind,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know. You haven’t anything to do. All you have +is me and I go away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s true.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m sorry, darling. I know it must be a dreadful +feeling to have nothing at all suddenly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“My life used to be full of everything,” I said. +“Now if you aren’t with me I haven’t a thing in the +world.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But I’ll be with you. I was only gone for two +hours. Isn’t there anything you can do?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I went fishing with the barman.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wasn’t it fun?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t think about me when I’m not here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s the way I worked it at the front. But there +was something to do then.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Othello with his occupation gone,” she teased.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Othello was a nigger,” I said. “Besides, I’m not +jealous. I’m just so in love with you that there isn’t +anything else.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Will you be a good boy and be nice to Ferguson?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m always nice to Ferguson unless she curses me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Be nice to her. Think how much we have and she +hasn’t anything.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think she wants what we have.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t know much, darling, for such a wise +boy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll be nice to her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know you will. You’re so sweet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She won’t stay afterward, will she?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I’ll get rid of her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And then we’ll come up here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course. What do you think I want to do?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went downstairs to have lunch with Ferguson. +She was very impressed by the hotel and the splendor +of the dining-room. We had a good lunch with a +couple of bottles of white capri. Count Greffi came +into the dining-room and bowed to us. His niece, who +looked a little like my grandmother, was with him. I +told Catherine and Ferguson about him and Ferguson +was very impressed. The hotel was very big and grand +and empty but the food was good, the wine was very +pleasant and finally the wine made us all feel very well. +Catherine had no need to feel any better. She was +very happy. Ferguson became quite cheerful. I felt +very well myself. After lunch Ferguson went back to +her hotel. She was going to lie down for a while after +lunch she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Along late in the afternoon some one knocked on +our door.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who is it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Count Greffi wishes to know if you will play +billiards with him.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I looked at my watch; I had taken it off and it was +under the pillow.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you have to go, darling?” Catherine whispered.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think I’d better.” The watch was a quarter-past +four o’clock. Out loud I said, “Tell the Count Greffi +I will be in the billiard-room at five o’clock.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>At a quarter to five I kissed Catherine good-by and +went into the bathroom to dress. Knotting my tie and +looking in the glass I looked strange to myself in the +civilian clothes. I must remember to buy some more +shirts and socks.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Will you be away a long time?” Catherine asked. +She looked lovely in the bed. “Would you hand me the +brush?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I watched her brushing her hair, holding her head so +the weight of her hair all came on one side. It was +dark outside and the light over the head of the bed +shone on her hair and on her neck and shoulders. I +went over and kissed her and held her hand with the +brush and her head sunk back on the pillow. I kissed +her neck and shoulders. I felt faint with loving her so +much.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want to go away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want you to go away.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t go then.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Go. It’s only for a little while and then +you’ll come back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll have dinner up here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hurry and come back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I found the Count Greffi in the billiard-room. He +was practising strokes, looking very fragile under the +light that came down above the billiard table. On a card +table a little way beyond the light was a silver icing-bucket +with the necks and corks of two champagne +bottles showing above the ice. The Count Greffi +straightened up when I came toward the table and +walked toward me. He put out his hand, “It is such a +great pleasure that you are here. You were very kind +to come to play with me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was very nice of you to ask me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you quite well? They told me you were +wounded on the Isonzo. I hope you are well again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m very well. Have you been well?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, I am always well. But I am getting old. I +detect signs of age now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can’t believe it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Do you want to know one? It is easier for +me to talk Italian. I discipline myself but I find when +I am tired that it is so much easier to talk Italian. So +I know I must be getting old.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We could talk Italian. I am a little tired too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, but when you are tired it will be easier for you +to talk English.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“American.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. American. You will please talk American. It +is a delightful language.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hardly ever see Americans.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You must miss them. One misses one’s countrymen +and especially one’s countrywomen. I know that +experience. Should we play or are you too tired?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not really tired. I said that for a joke. What +handicap will you give me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Have you been playing very much?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“None at all.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You play very well. Ten points in a hundred?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You flatter me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Fifteen?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That would be fine but you will beat me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Should we play for a stake? You always wished to +play for a stake.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think we’d better.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I will give you eighteen points and we +will play for a franc a point.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He played a lovely game of billiards and with the +handicap I was only four ahead at fifty. Count Greffi +pushed a button on the wall to ring for the barman.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Open one bottle please,” he said. Then to me, “We +will take a little stimulant.” The wine was icy cold and +very dry and good.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Should we talk Italian? Would you mind very +much? It is my great weakness now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went on playing, sipping the wine between shots, +speaking in Italian, but talking little, concentrated on +the game. Count Greffi made his one hundredth point +and with the handicap I was only at ninety-four. He +smiled and patted me on the shoulder.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now we will drink the other bottle and you will +tell me about the war.” He waited for me to sit down.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“About anything else,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You don’t want to talk about it? Good. What +have you been reading?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing,” I said. “I’m afraid I am very dull.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. But you should read.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is there written in war-time?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There is ‘Le Feu’ by a Frenchman, Barbusse. +There is ‘Mr. Britling Sees Through It.’ ”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, he doesn’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He doesn’t see through it. Those books were at the +hospital.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then you have been reading?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, but nothing any good.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I thought ‘Mr. Britling’ a very good study of the +English middle-class soul.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know about the soul.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Poor boy. We none of us know about the soul. +Are you <span class='it'>Croyant</span>?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“At night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Count Greffi smiled and turned the glass with his fingers. +“I had expected to become more devout as I grow +older but somehow I haven’t,” he said. “It is a great +pity.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Would you like to live after death?” I asked and +instantly felt a fool to mention death. But he did not +mind the word.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It would depend on the life. This life is very pleasant. +I would like to live forever,” he smiled. “I very +nearly have.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We were sitting in the deep leather chairs, the champagne +in the ice-bucket and our glasses on the table +between us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you ever live to be as old as I am you will find +many things strange.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You never seem old.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is the body that is old. Sometimes I am afraid +I will break off a finger as one breaks a stick of chalk. +And the spirit is no older and not much wiser.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are wise.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, that is the great fallacy; the wisdom of old +men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Perhaps that is wisdom.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is a very unattractive wisdom. What do you +value most?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Some one I love.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“With me it is the same. That is not wisdom. Do +you value life?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So do I. Because it is all I have. And to give +birthday parties,” he laughed. “You are probably wiser +than I am. You do not give birthday parties.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We both drank the wine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you think of the war really?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think it is stupid.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who will win it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Italy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are a younger nation.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do younger nations always win wars?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are apt to for a time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then what happens?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They become older nations.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You said you were not wise.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Dear boy, that is not wisdom. That is cynicism.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It sounds very wise to me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not particularly. I could quote you the examples +on the other side. But it is not bad. Have we +finished the champagne?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Almost.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Should we drink some more? Then I must dress.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Perhaps we’d better not now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are sure you don’t want more?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.” He stood up.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope you will be very fortunate and very happy +and very, very healthy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you. And I hope you will live forever.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you. I have. And if you ever become devout +pray for me if I am dead. I am asking several of +my friends to do that. I had expected to become devout +myself but it has not come.” I thought he smiled +sadly but I could not tell. He was so old and his face +was very wrinkled, so that a smile used so many lines +that all gradations were lost.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I might become very devout,” I said. “Anyway, I +will pray for you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I had always expected to become devout. All my +family died very devout. But somehow it does not +come.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s too early.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe it is too late. Perhaps I have outlived my +religious feeling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“My own comes only at night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then too you are in love. Do not forget that is a +religious feeling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You believe so?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course.” He took a step toward the table. “You +were very kind to play.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was a great pleasure.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We will walk upstairs together.”</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXVI</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>That night there was a storm and I woke to hear +the rain lashing the window-panes. It was coming in +the open window. Some one had knocked on the door. +I went to the door very softly, not to disturb Catherine, +and opened it. The barman stood there. He wore his +overcoat and carried his wet hat.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Can I speak to you, Tenente?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a very serious matter.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I looked around. The room was dark. I saw the +water on the floor from the window. “Come in,” I +said. I took him by the arm into the bathroom; locked +the door and put on the light. I sat down on the edge +of the bathtub.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter, Emilio? Are you in trouble?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. You are, Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are going to arrest you in the morning.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I came to tell you. I was out in the town and I +heard them talking in a café.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I see.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He stood there, his coat wet, holding his wet hat and +said nothing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why are they going to arrest me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“For something about the war.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you know what?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. But I know that they know you were here before +as an officer and now you are here out of uniform. +After this retreat they arrest everybody.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I thought a minute.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What time do they come to arrest me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In the morning. I don’t know the time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you say to do?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He put his hat in the washbowl. It was very wet +and had been dripping on the floor.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you have nothing to fear an arrest is nothing. +But it is always bad to be arrested—especially now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want to be arrested.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then go to Switzerland.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In my boat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There is a storm,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The storm is over. It is rough but you will be all +right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When should we go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Right away. They might come to arrest you early +in the morning.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about our bags?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Get them packed. Get your lady dressed. I will +take care of them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where will you be?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will wait here. I don’t want any one to see me +outside in the hall.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I opened the door, closed it, and went into the bedroom. +Catherine was awake.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is it, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all right, Cat,” I said. “Would you like to get +dressed right away and go in a boat to Switzerland?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Would you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “I’d like to go back to bed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is it about?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The barman says they are going to arrest me in the +morning.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is the barman crazy?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then please hurry, darling, and get dressed so we +can start.” She sat up on the side of the bed. She +was still sleepy. “Is that the barman in the bathroom?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then I won’t wash. Please look the other way, +darling, and I’ll be dressed in just a minute.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I saw her white back as she took off her nightgown +and then I looked away because she wanted me to. She +was beginning to be a little big with the child and she +did not want me to see her. I dressed hearing the rain +on the windows. I did not have much to put in my bag.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s plenty of room in my bag, Cat, if you need +any.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m almost packed,” she said. “Darling, I’m awfully +stupid, but why is the barman in the bathroom?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sh—he’s waiting to take our bags down.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s awfully nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s an old friend,” I said. “I nearly sent him some +pipe-tobacco once.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I looked out the open window at the dark night. I +could not see the lake, only the dark and the rain but +the wind was quieter.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m ready, darling,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.” I went to the bathroom door. “Here +are the bags, Emilio,” I said. The barman took the two +bags.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re very good to help us,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s nothing, lady,” the barman said. “I’m glad +to help you just so I don’t get in trouble myself. Listen,” +he said to me. “I’ll take these out the servants’ +stairs and to the boat. You just go out as though you +were going for a walk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a lovely night for a walk,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a bad night all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m glad I’ve an umbrella,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We walked down the hall and down the wide thickly +carpeted stairs. At the foot of the stairs by the door +the porter sat behind his desk.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He looked surprised at seeing us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re not going out, sir?” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said. “We’re going to see the storm along +the lake.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Haven’t you got an umbrella, sir?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “This coat sheds water.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He looked at it doubtfully. “I’ll get you an umbrella, +sir,” he said. He went away and came back with a big +umbrella. “It is a little big, sir,” he said. I gave him +a ten-lira note. “Oh you are too good, sir. Thank you +very much,” he said. He held the door open and we +went out into the rain. He smiled at Catherine and she +smiled at him. “Don’t stay out in the storm,” he said. +“You will get wet, sir and lady.” He was only the second +porter, and his English was still literally translated.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll be back,” I said. We walked down the path +under the giant umbrella and out through the dark wet +gardens to the road and across the road to the trellised +pathway along the lake. The wind was blowing offshore +now. It was a cold, wet November wind and I +knew it was snowing in the mountains. We came along +past the chained boats in the slips along the quay to +where the barman’s boat should be. The water was +dark against the stone. The barman stepped out from +beside the row of trees.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The bags are in the boat,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want to pay you for the boat,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How much money have you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not so much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You send me the money later. That will be all +right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How much?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What you want.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me how much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you get through send me five hundred francs. +You won’t mind that if you get through.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here are sandwiches.” He handed me a package. +“Everything there was in the bar. It’s all here. This +is a bottle of brandy and a bottle of wine.” I put them +in my bag. “Let me pay you for those.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right, give me fifty lire.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I gave it to him. “The brandy is good,” he said. +“You don’t need to be afraid to give it to your lady. +She better get in the boat.” He held the boat, it rising +and falling against the stone wall and I helped Catherine +in. She sat in the stern and pulled her cape around +her.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You know where to go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Up the lake.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You know how far?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Past Luino.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Past Luino, Cannero, Cannobio, Tranzano. You +aren’t in Switzerland until you come to Brissago. You +have to pass Monte Tamara.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What time is it?” Catherine asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s only eleven o’clock,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you row all the time you ought to be there by +seven o’clock in the morning.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is it that far?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s thirty-five kilometres.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How should we go? In this rain we need a compass.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Row to Isola Bella. Then on the other side of +Isola Madre go with the wind. The wind will take you +to Pallanza. You will see the lights. Then go up the +shore.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe the wind will change.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” he said. “This wind will blow like this for +three days. It comes straight down from the Mattarone. +There is a can to bail with.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let me pay you something for the boat now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, I’d rather take a chance. If you get through +you pay me all you can.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think you’ll get drowned.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s good.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go with the wind up the lake.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.” I stepped in the boat.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you leave the money for the hotel?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. In an envelope in the room.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. Good luck, Tenente.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good luck. We thank you many times.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You won’t thank me if you get drowned.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What does he say?” Catherine asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He says good luck.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good luck,” Catherine said. “Thank you very +much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you ready?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He bent down and shoved us off. I dug at the water +with the oars, then waved one hand. The barman waved +back deprecatingly. I saw the lights of the hotel and +rowed out, rowing straight out until they were out of +sight. There was quite a sea running but we were going +with the wind.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXVII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>I rowed in the dark keeping the wind in my face. +The rain had stopped and only came occasionally in +gusts. It was very dark, and the wind was cold. I +could see Catherine in the stern but I could not see the +water where the blades of the oars dipped. The oars +were long and there were no leathers to keep them from +slipping out. I pulled, raised, leaned forward, found +the water, dipped and pulled, rowing as easily as I +could. I did not feather the oars because the wind was +with us. I knew my hands would blister and I wanted +to delay it as long as I could. The boat was light and +rowed easily. I pulled it along in the dark water. I +could not see, and hoped we would soon come opposite +Pallanza.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We never saw Pallanza. The wind was blowing up +the lake and we passed the point that hides Pallanza in +the dark and never saw the lights. When we finally +saw some lights much further up the lake and close to +the shore it was Intra. But for a long time we did not +see any lights, nor did we see the shore but rowed steadily +in the dark riding with the waves. Sometimes I +missed the water with the oars in the dark as a wave +lifted the boat. It was quite rough; but I kept on rowing, +until suddenly we were close ashore against a point +of rock that rose beside us; the waves striking against +it, rushing high up, then falling back. I pulled hard +on the right oar and backed water with the other and +we went out into the lake again; the point was out of +sight and we were going on up the lake.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’re across the lake,” I said to Catherine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Weren’t we going to see Pallanza?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ve missed it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are you, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I could take the oars awhile.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, I’m fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Poor Ferguson,” Catherine said. “In the morning +she’ll come to the hotel and find we’re gone.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not worrying so much about that,” I said, “as +about getting into the Swiss part of the lake before it’s +daylight and the custom guards see us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is it a long way?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s thirty some kilometres from here.”</p> + +<hr class='tbk111'/> + +<p class='pindent'>I rowed all night. Finally my hands were so sore I +could hardly close them over the oars. We were nearly +smashed up on the shore several times. I kept fairly +close to the shore because I was afraid of getting lost +on the lake and losing time. Sometimes we were so +close we could see a row of trees and the road along +the shore with the mountains behind. The rain stopped +and the wind drove the clouds so that the moon shone +through and looking back I could see the long dark +point of Castagnola and the lake with white-caps and +beyond, the moon on the high snow mountains. Then +the clouds came over the moon again and the mountains +and the lake were gone, but it was much lighter +than it had been before and we could see the shore. I +could see it too clearly and pulled out where they would +not see the boat if there were custom guards along the +Pallanza road. When the moon came out again we +could see white villas on the shore on the slopes of the +mountain and the white road where it showed through +the trees. All the time I was rowing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The lake widened and across it on the shore at the +foot of the mountains on the other side we saw a few +lights that should be Luino. I saw a wedgelike gap between +the mountains on the other shore and I thought +that must be Luino. If it was we were making good +time. I pulled in the oars and lay back on the seat. I +was very, very tired of rowing. My arms and shoulders +and back ached and my hands were sore.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I could hold the umbrella,” Catherine said. “We +could sail with that with the wind.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Can you steer?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You take this oar and hold it under your arm close +to the side of the boat and steer and I’ll hold the umbrella.” +I went back to the stern and showed her how +to hold the oar. I took the big umbrella the porter had +given me and sat facing the bow and opened it. It +opened with a clap. I held it on both sides, sitting +astride the handle hooked over the seat. The wind was +full in it and I felt the boat suck forward while I held +as hard as I could to the two edges. It pulled hard. +The boat was moving fast.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’re going beautifully,” Catherine said. All I +could see was umbrella ribs. The umbrella strained and +pulled and I felt us driving along with it. I braced my +feet and held back on it, then suddenly, it buckled; I +felt a rib snap on my forehead, I tried to grab the top +that was bending with the wind and the whole thing +buckled and went inside-out and I was astride the +handle of an inside-out, ripped umbrella, where I had +been holding a wind-filled pulling sail. I unhooked the +handle from the seat, laid the umbrella in the bow and +went back to Catherine for the oar. She was laughing. +She took my hand and kept on laughing.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter?” I took the oar.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You looked so funny holding that thing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I suppose so.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t be cross, darling. It was awfully funny. You +looked about twenty feet broad and very affectionate +holding the umbrella by the edges—” she choked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll row.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take a rest and a drink. It’s a grand night and +we’ve come a long way.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have to keep the boat out of the trough of the +waves.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll get you a drink. Then rest a little while, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I held the oars up and we sailed with them. Catherine +was opening the bag. She handed me the brandy +bottle. I pulled the cork with my pocket-knife and took +a long drink. It was smooth and hot and the heat went +all through me and I felt warmed and cheerful. “It’s +lovely brandy,” I said. The moon was under again but +I could see the shore. There seemed to be another point +going out a long way ahead into the lake.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you warm enough, Cat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m splendid. I’m a little stiff.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bail out that water and you can put your feet +down.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Then I rowed and listened to the oarlocks and the +dip and scrape of the bailing tin under the stern seat.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Would you give me the bailer?” I said. “I want a +drink.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s awfully dirty.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s all right. I’ll rinse it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I heard Catherine rinsing it over the side. Then she +handed it to me dipped full of water. I was thirsty +after the brandy and the water was icy cold, so cold it +made my teeth ache. I looked toward the shore. We +were closer to the long point. There were lights in the +bay ahead.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thanks,” I said and handed back the tin pail.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re ever so welcome,” Catherine said. “There’s +much more if you want it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you want to eat something?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I’ll be hungry in a little while. We’ll save it +till then.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>What looked like a point ahead was a long high +headland. I went further out in the lake to pass it. +The lake was much narrower now. The moon was out +again and the <span class='it'>guardia di Finanza</span> could have seen our +boat black on the water if they had been watching.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are you, Cat?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m all right. Where are we?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think we have more than about eight miles +more.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s a long way to row, you poor sweet. Aren’t +you dead?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I’m all right. My hands are sore is all.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went on up the lake. There was a break in the +mountains on the right bank, a flattening-out with a +low shore-line that I thought must be Cannobio. I +stayed a long way out because it was from now on that +we ran the most danger of meeting <span class='it'>guardia</span>. There was +a high dome-capped mountain on the other shore a way +ahead. I was tired. It was no great distance to row +but when you were out of condition it had been a long +way. I knew I had to pass that mountain and go up +the lake at least five miles further before we would be +in Swiss water. The moon was almost down now but +before it went down the sky clouded over again and it +was very dark. I stayed well out in the lake, rowing +awhile, then resting and holding the oars so that the +wind struck the blades.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let me row awhile,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think you ought to.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nonsense. It would be good for me. It would keep +me from being too stiff.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t think you should, Cat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nonsense. Rowing in moderation is very good for +the pregnant lady.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right, you row a little moderately. I’ll go back, +then you come up. Hold on to both gunwales when you +come up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I sat in the stern with my coat on and the collar +turned up and watched Catherine row. She rowed very +well but the oars were too long and bothered her. I +opened the bag and ate a couple of sandwiches and took +a drink of the brandy. It made everything much better +and I took another drink.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me when you’re tired,” I said. Then a little +later, “watch out the oar doesn’t pop you in the tummy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If it did”—Catherine said between strokes—“life +might be much simpler.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I took another drink of the brandy.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are you going?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Tell me when you want to stop.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I took another drink of the brandy, then took hold +of the two gunwales of the boat and moved forward.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I’m going beautifully.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go on back to the stern. I’ve had a grand rest.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>For a while, with the brandy, I rowed easily and +steadily. Then I began to catch crabs and soon I was +just chopping along again with a thin brown taste of +bile from having rowed too hard after the brandy.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Give me a drink of water, will you?” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s easy,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Before daylight it started to drizzle. The wind was +down or we were protected by mountains that bounded +the curve the lake had made. When I knew daylight +was coming I settled down and rowed hard. I did not +know where we were and I wanted to get into the Swiss +part of the lake. When it was beginning to be daylight +we were quite close to the shore. I could see the rocky +shore and the trees.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s that?” Catherine said. I rested on the oars +and listened. It was a motor boat chugging out on the +lake. I pulled close up to the shore and lay quiet. The +chugging came closer; then we saw the motor boat in +the rain a little astern of us. There were four <span class='it'>guardia</span> +<span class='it'>di finanza</span> in the stern, their <span class='it'>alpini</span> hats pulled down, their +cape collars turned up and their carbines slung across +their backs. They all looked sleepy so early in the morning. +I could see the yellow on their hats and the yellow +marks on their cape collars. The motor boat chugged +on and out of sight in the rain.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I pulled out into the lake. If we were that close to +the border I did not want to be hailed by a sentry along +the road. I stayed out where I could just see the shore +and rowed on for three-quarters of an hour in the rain. +We heard a motor boat once more but I kept quiet until +the noise of the engine went away across the lake.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think we’re in Switzerland, Cat,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Really?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s no way to know until we see Swiss troops.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Or the Swiss navy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Swiss navy’s no joke for us. That last motor +boat we heard was probably the Swiss navy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If we’re in Switzerland let’s have a big breakfast. +They have wonderful rolls and butter and jam in Switzerland.”</p> + +<hr class='tbk112'/> + +<p class='pindent'>It was clear daylight now and a fine rain was falling. +The wind was still blowing outside up the lake and we +could see the tops of the white-caps going away from us +and up the lake. I was sure we were in Switzerland +now. There were many houses back in the trees from +the shore and up the shore a way was a village with +stone houses, some villas on the hills and a church. I +had been looking at the road that skirted the shore for +guards but did not see any. The road came quite close +to the lake now and I saw a soldier coming out of a +café on the road. He wore a gray-green uniform and +a helmet like the Germans. He had a healthy-looking +face and a little toothbrush mustache. He looked at us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wave to him,” I said to Catherine. She waved and +the soldier smiled embarrassedly and gave a wave of his +hand. I eased up rowing. We were passing the waterfront +of the village.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We must be well inside the border,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We want to be sure, darling. We don’t want them +to turn us back at the frontier.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The frontier is a long way back. I think this is the +customs town. I’m pretty sure it’s Brissago.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Won’t there be Italians there? There are always +both sides at a customs town.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not in war-time. I don’t think they let the Italians +cross the frontier.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was a nice-looking little town. There were many +fishing boats along the quay and nets were spread on +racks. There was a fine November rain falling but it +looked cheerful and clean even with the rain.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Should we land then and have breakfast?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I pulled hard on the left oar and came in close, then +straightened out when we were close to the quay and +brought the boat alongside. I pulled in the oars, took +hold of an iron ring, stepped up on the wet stone and +was in Switzerland. I tied the boat and held my hand +down to Catherine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come on up, Cat. It’s a grand feeling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about the bags?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Leave them in the boat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine stepped up and we were in Switzerland together.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What a lovely country,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Isn’t it grand?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s go and have breakfast!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Isn’t it a grand country? I love the way it feels +under my shoes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m so stiff I can’t feel it very well. But it feels like +a splendid country. Darling, do you realize we’re here +and out of that bloody place?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do. I really do. I’ve never realized anything before.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Look at the houses. Isn’t this a fine square? +There’s a place we can get breakfast.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Isn’t the rain fine? They never had rain like this in +Italy. It’s cheerful rain.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And we’re here, darling! Do you realize we’re +here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went inside the café and sat down at a clean +wooden table. We were cockeyed excited. A splendid +clean-looking woman with an apron came and asked us +what we wanted.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Rolls and jam and coffee,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m sorry, we haven’t any rolls in war-time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bread then.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I can make you some toast.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want some eggs fried too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How many eggs for the gentleman?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Three.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Take four, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Four eggs.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The woman went away. I kissed Catherine and held +her hand very tight. We looked at each other and at +the café.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Darling, darling, isn’t it lovely?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s grand,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t mind there not being rolls,” Catherine said. +“I thought about them all night. But I don’t mind it. +I don’t mind it at all.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I suppose pretty soon they will arrest us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Never mind, darling. We’ll have breakfast first. +You won’t mind being arrested after breakfast. And +then there’s nothing they can do to us. We’re British +and American citizens in good standing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have a passport, haven’t you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course. Oh let’s not talk about it. Let’s be +happy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I couldn’t be any happier,” I said. A fat gray cat +with a tail that lifted like a plume crossed the floor to +our table and curved against my leg to purr each time +she rubbed. I reached down and stroked her. Catherine +smiled at me very happily. “Here comes the +coffee,” she said.</p> + +<hr class='tbk113'/> + +<p class='pindent'>They arrested us after breakfast. We took a little +walk through the village then went down to the quay +to get our bags. A soldier was standing guard over the +boat.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is this your boat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where do you come from?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Up the lake.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then I have to ask you to come with me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How about the bags?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can carry the bags.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I carried the bags and Catherine walked beside me +and the soldier walked along behind us to the old custom +house. In the custom house a lieutenant, very thin +and military, questioned us.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What nationality are you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“American and British.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let me see your passports.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I gave him mine and Catherine got hers out of her +handbag.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He examined them for a long time.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why do you enter Switzerland this way in a boat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am a sportsman,” I said. “Rowing is my great +sport. I always row when I get a chance.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why do you come here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“For the winter sport. We are tourists and we want +to do the winter sport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is no place for winter sport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We know it. We want to go where they have the +winter sport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What have you been doing in Italy?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have been studying architecture. My cousin has +been studying art.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why do you leave there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We want to do the winter sport. With the war going +on you cannot study architecture.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You will please stay where you are,” the lieutenant +said. He went back into the building with our passports.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re splendid, darling,” Catherine said. “Keep +on the same track. You want to do the winter sport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you know anything about art?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Rubens,” said Catherine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Large and fat,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Titian,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Titian-haired,” I said. “How about Mantegna?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t ask hard ones,” Catherine said. “I know him +though—very bitter.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Very bitter,” I said. “Lots of nail holes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see I’ll make you a fine wife,” Catherine said. +“I’ll be able to talk art with your customers.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here he comes,” I said. The thin lieutenant came +down the length of the custom house, holding our passports.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will have to send you into Locarno,” he said. +“You can get a carriage and a soldier will go in with +you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” I said. “What about the boat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The boat is confiscated. What have you in those +bags?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He went all through the two bags and held up the +quarter-bottle of brandy. “Would you join me in a +drink?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No thank you.” He straightened up. “How much +money have you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Twenty-five hundred lire.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He was favorably impressed. “How much has your +cousin?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine had a little over twelve hundred lire. The +lieutenant was pleased. His attitude toward us became +less haughty.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you are going for winter sports,” he said, “Wengen +is the place. My father has a very fine hotel at +Wengen. It is open all the time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s splendid,” I said. “Could you give me the +name?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will write it on a card.” He handed me the card +very politely.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The soldier will take you in to Locarno. He will +keep your passports. I regret this but it is necessary. +I have good hopes they will give you a visa or a police +permit at Locarno.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He handed the two passports to the soldier and carrying +the bags we started into the village to order a carriage. +“Hi,” the lieutenant called to the soldier. He +said something in a German dialect to him. The soldier +slung his rifle on his back and picked up the bags.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a great country,” I said to Catherine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s so practical.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you very much,” I said to the lieutenant. +He waved his hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'><span class='it'>“Service!</span>” he said. We followed our guard into the +village.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We drove to Locarno in a carriage with the soldier +sitting on the front seat with the driver. At Locarno +we did not have a bad time. They questioned us but +they were polite because we had passports and money. +I do not think they believed a word of the story and I +thought it was silly but it was like a law-court. You +did not want something reasonable, you wanted something +technical and then stuck to it without explanations. +But we had passports and we would spend the +money. So they gave us provisional visas. At any time +this visa might be withdrawn. We were to report to +the police wherever we went.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Could we go wherever we wanted? Yes. Where did +we want to go?</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where do you want to go, Cat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Montreux.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is a very nice place,” the official said. “I think +you will like that place.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here at Locarno is a very nice place,” another official +said. “I am sure you would like it here very +much at Locarno. Locarno is a very attractive place.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We would like some place where there is winter +sport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There is no winter sport at Montreux.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I beg your pardon,” the other official said. “I come +from Montreux. There is very certainly winter sport +on the Montreux Oberland Bernois railway. It would +be false for you to deny that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do not deny it. I simply said there is no winter +sport at Montreux.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I question that,” the other official said. “I question +that statement.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hold to that statement.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I question that statement. I myself have <span class='it'>luge-ed</span> +into the streets of Montreux. I have done it not once +but several times. Luge-ing is certainly winter sport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The other official turned to me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is luge-ing your idea of winter sport, sir? I tell you +you would be very comfortable here in Locarno. You +would find the climate healthy, you would find the environs +attractive. You would like it very much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The gentleman has expressed a wish to go to Montreux.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is luge-ing?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You see he has never even heard of luge-ing!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>That meant a great deal to the second official. He +was pleased by that.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Luge-ing,” said the first official, “is tobogganing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I beg to differ,” the other official shook his head. +“I must differ again. The toboggan is very different +from the luge. The toboggan is constructed in Canada +of flat laths. The luge is a common sled with runners. +Accuracy means something.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Couldn’t we toboggan?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course you could toboggan,” the first official +said. “You could toboggan very well. Excellent Canadian +toboggans are sold in Montreux. Ochs Brothers +sell toboggans. They import their own toboggans.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The second official turned away. “Tobogganing,” he +said, “requires a special <span class='it'>piste</span>. You could not toboggan +into the streets of Montreux. Where are you stopping +here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We don’t know,” I said. “We just drove in from +Brissago. The carriage is outside.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You make no mistake in going to Montreux,” the +first official said. “You will find the climate delightful +and beautiful. You will have no distance to go for +winter sport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you really want winter sport,” the second official +said, “you will go to the Engadine or to Mürren. I +must protest against your being advised to go to Montreux +for the winter sport.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“At Les Avants above Montreux there is excellent +winter sport of every sort.” The champion of Montreux +glared at his colleague.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Gentlemen,” I said, “I am afraid we must go. My +cousin is very tired. We will go tentatively to Montreux.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I congratulate you,” the first official shook my hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I believe that you will regret leaving Locarno,” the +second official said. “At any rate you will report to the +police at Montreux.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There will be no unpleasantness with the police,” +the first official assured me. “You will find all the inhabitants +extremely courteous and friendly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you both very much,” I said. “We appreciate +your advice very much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by,” Catherine said. “Thank you both very +much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>They bowed us to the door, the champion of Locarno +a little coldly. We went down the steps and into the +carriage.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“My God, darling,” Catherine said. “Couldn’t we +have gotten away any sooner?” I gave the name of a +hotel one of the officials had recommended to the driver. +He picked up the reins.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ve forgotten the army,” Catherine said. The +soldier was standing by the carriage. I gave him a ten-lira +note. “I have no Swiss money yet,” I said. He +thanked me, saluted and went off. The carriage started +and we drove to the hotel.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How did you happen to pick out Montreux?” I +asked Catherine. “Do you really want to go there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was the first place I could think of,” she said. +“It’s not a bad place. We can find some place up in the +mountains.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you sleepy?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m asleep right now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll get a good sleep. Poor Cat, you had a long +bad night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I had a lovely time,” Catherine said. “Especially +when you sailed with the umbrella.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Can you realize we’re in Switzerland?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, I’m afraid I’ll wake up and it won’t be true.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is true, isn’t it, darling? I’m not just driving +down to the <span class='it'>stazione</span> in Milan to see you off.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope not.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t say that. It frightens me. Maybe that’s +where we’re going.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m so groggy I don’t know,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let me see your hands.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I put them out. They were both blistered raw.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s no hole in my side,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t be sacrilegious.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I felt very tired and vague in the head. The exhilaration +was all gone. The carriage was going along the +street.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Poor hands,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t touch them,” I said. “By God I don’t know +where we are. Where are we going, driver?” The +driver stopped his horse.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To the Hotel Metropole. Don’t you want to go +there?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said. “It’s all right, Cat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s all right, darling. Don’t be upset. We’ll get a +good sleep and you won’t feel groggy to-morrow.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I get pretty groggy,” I said. “It’s like a comic +opera to-day. Maybe I’m hungry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re just tired, darling. You’ll be fine.” The +carriage pulled up before the hotel. Some one came out +to take our bags.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I feel all right,” I said. We were down on the +pavement going into the hotel.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know you’ll be all right. You’re just tired. +You’ve been up a long time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Anyhow we’re here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, we’re really here.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We followed the boy with the bags into the hotel.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<div><h1>BOOK V</h1></div> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXVIII</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>That fall the snow came very late. We lived in a +brown wooden house in the pine trees on the side of the +mountain and at night there was frost so that there +was thin ice over the water in the two pitchers on the +dresser in the morning. Mrs. Guttingen came into the +room early in the morning to shut the windows and +started a fire in the tall porcelain stove. The pine wood +crackled and sparked and then the fire roared in the +stove and the second time Mrs. Guttingen came into the +room she brought big chunks of wood for the fire and +a pitcher of hot water. When the room was warm she +brought in breakfast. Sitting up in bed eating breakfast +we could see the lake and the mountains across the +lake on the French side. There was snow on the tops +of the mountains and the lake was a gray steel-blue.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Outside, in front of the chalet a road went up the +mountain. The wheel ruts and ridges were iron hard +with the frost, and the road climbed steadily through +the forest and up and around the mountain to where +there were meadows, and barns and cabins in the +meadows at the edge of the woods looking across the +valley. The valley was deep and there was a stream at +the bottom that flowed down into the lake and when +the wind blew across the valley you could hear the +stream in the rocks.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Sometimes we went off the road and on a path +through the pine forest. The floor of the forest was +soft to walk on; the frost did not harden it as it did the +road. But we did not mind the hardness of the road +because we had nails in the soles and heels of our boots +and the heel nails bit on the frozen ruts and with nailed +boots it was good walking on the road and invigorating. +But it was lovely walking in the woods.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>In front of the house where we lived the mountain +went down steeply to the little plain along the lake and +we sat on the porch of the house in the sun and saw +the winding of the road down the mountain-side and +the terraced vineyards on the side of the lower mountain, +the vines all dead now for the winter and the fields +divided by stone walls, and below the vineyards the +houses of the town on the narrow plain along the lake +shore. There was an island with two trees on the lake +and the trees looked like the double sails of a fishing-boat. +The mountains were sharp and steep on the other +side of the lake and down at the end of the lake was +the plain of the Rhone Valley flat between the two +ranges of mountains; and up the valley where the +mountains cut it off was the Dent du Midi. It was a +high snowy mountain and it dominated the valley but +it was so far away that it did not make a shadow.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When the sun was bright we ate lunch on the porch +but the rest of the time we ate upstairs in a small room +with plain wooden walls and a big stove in the corner. +We bought books and magazines in the town and a +copy of “Hoyle” and learned many two-handed card +games. The small room with the stove was our living-room. +There were two comfortable chairs and a table +for books and magazines and we played cards on the +dining-table when it was cleared away. Mr. and Mrs. +Guttingen lived downstairs and we would hear them +talking sometimes in the evening and they were very +happy together too. He had been a headwaiter and she +had worked as maid in the same hotel and they had +saved their money to buy this place. They had a son +who was studying to be a headwaiter. He was at a +hotel in Zurich. Downstairs there was a parlor where +they sold wine and beer, and sometimes in the evening +we would hear carts stop outside on the road and men +come up the steps to go in the parlor to drink wine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>There was a box of wood in the hall outside the living-room +and I kept up the fire from it. But we did +not stay up very late. We went to bed in the dark in +the big bedroom and when I was undressed I opened +the windows and saw the night and the cold stars and +the pine trees below the window and then got into bed +as fast as I could. It was lovely in bed with the air so +cold and clear and the night outside the window. We +slept well and if I woke in the night I knew it was from +only one cause and I would shift the feather bed over, +very softly so that Catherine would not be wakened +and then go back to sleep again, warm and with the +new lightness of thin covers. The war seemed as far +away as the football games of some one else’s college. +But I knew from the papers that they were still fighting +in the mountains because the snow would not come.</p> + +<hr class='tbk114'/> + +<p class='pindent'>Sometimes we walked down the mountain into Montreux. +There was a path went down the mountain but +it was steep and so usually we took the road and walked +down on the wide hard road between fields and then +below between the stone walls of the vineyards and on +down between the houses of the villages along the way. +There were three villages; Chernex, Fontanivent, and +the other I forget. Then along the road we passed an +old square-built stone château on a ledge on the side of +the mountain-side with the terraced fields of vines, +each vine tied to a stick to hold it up, the vines dry and +brown and the earth ready for the snow and the lake +down below flat and gray as steel. The road went down +a long grade below the château and then turned to the +right and went down very steeply and paved with cobbles, +into Montreux.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We did not know any one in Montreux. We walked +along beside the lake and saw the swans and the many +gulls and terns that flew up when you came close and +screamed while they looked down at the water. Out on +the lake there were flocks of grebes, small and dark, +and leaving trails in the water when they swam. In +the town we walked along the main street and looked +in the windows of the shops. There were many big +hotels that were closed but most of the shops were open +and the people were very glad to see us. There was a +fine coiffeur’s place where Catherine went to have her +hair done. The woman who ran it was very cheerful +and the only person we knew in Montreux. While +Catherine was there I went up to a beer place and +drank dark Munich beer and read the papers. I read +the <span class='it'>Corriere Della Sera</span> and the English and American +papers from Paris. All the advertisements were blacked +out, supposedly to prevent communication in that way +with the enemy. The papers were bad reading. Everything +was going very badly everywhere. I sat back in +the corner with a heavy mug of dark beer and an opened +glazed-paper package of pretzels and ate the pretzels for +the salty flavor and the good way they made the beer +taste and read about disaster. I thought Catherine +would come by but she did not come, so I hung the papers +back on the rack, paid for my beer and went up +the street to look for her. The day was cold and dark +and wintry and the stone of the houses looked cold. +Catherine was still in the hair-dresser’s shop. The +woman was waving her hair. I sat in the little booth +and watched. It was exciting to watch and Catherine +smiled and talked to me and my voice was a little thick +from being excited. The tongs made a pleasant clicking +sound and I could see Catherine in three mirrors +and it was pleasant and warm in the booth. Then the +woman put up Catherine’s hair, and Catherine looked +in the mirror and changed it a little, taking out and +putting in pins; then stood up. “I’m sorry to have +taken such a long time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Monsieur was very interested. Were you not, monsieur?” +the woman smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went out and up the street. It was cold and wintry +and the wind was blowing. “Oh, darling, I love +you so,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t we have a fine time?” Catherine said. “Look. +Let’s go some place and have beer instead of tea. It’s +very good for young Catherine. It keeps her small.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Young Catherine,” I said. “That loafer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She’s been very good,” Catherine said. “She makes +very little trouble. The doctor says beer will be good +for me and keep her small.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you keep her small enough and she’s a boy, maybe +he will be a jockey.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I suppose if we really have this child we ought to +get married,” Catherine said. We were in the beer +place at the corner table. It was getting dark outside. +It was still early but the day was dark and the dusk was +coming early.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s get married now,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” Catherine said. “It’s too embarrassing now. +I show too plainly. I won’t go before any one and be +married in this state.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish we’d gotten married.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I suppose it would have been better. But when +could we, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know one thing. I’m not going to be married in +this splendid matronly state.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re not matronly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh yes, I am, darling. The hairdresser asked me +if this was our first. I lied and said no, we had two +boys and two girls.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When will we be married?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Any time after I’m thin again. We want to have a +splendid wedding with every one thinking what a handsome +young couple.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And you’re not worried?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Darling, why should I be worried? The only time I +ever felt badly was when I felt like a whore in Milan +and that only lasted seven minutes and besides it was +the room furnishings. Don’t I make you a good wife?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a lovely wife.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then don’t be too technical, darling. I’ll marry +you as soon as I’m thin again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you think I ought to drink another beer? The +doctor said I was rather narrow in the hips and it’s all +for the best if we keep young Catherine small.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What else did he say?” I was worried.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing. I have a wonderful blood-pressure, darling. +He admired my blood-pressure greatly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What did he say about you being too narrow in the +hips?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing. Nothing at all. He said I shouldn’t +ski.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Quite right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He said it was too late to start if I’d never done it +before. He said I could ski if I wouldn’t fall down.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s just a big-hearted joker.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Really he was very nice. We’ll have him when the +baby comes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you ask him if you ought to get married?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I told him we’d been married four years. You +see, darling, if I marry you I’ll be an American and +any time we’re married under American law the child +is legitimate.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where did you find that out?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In the New York <span class='it'>World Almanac</span> in the library.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a grand girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll be very glad to be an American and we’ll go to +America won’t we, darling? I want to see Niagara +Falls.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a fine girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s something else I want to see but I can’t +remember it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The stockyards?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I can’t remember it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Woolworth building?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Grand Canyon?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. But I’d like to see that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What was it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The Golden Gate! That’s what I want to see. +Where is the Golden Gate?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“San Francisco.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then let’s go there. I want to see San Francisco +anyway.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. We’ll go there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now let’s go up the mountain. Should we? Can +we get the M. O. B.?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s a train a little after five.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s get that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I’ll drink one more beer first.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When we went out to go up the street and climb the +stairs to the station it was very cold. A cold wind was +coming down the Rhone valley. There were lights in +the shop windows and we climbed the steep stone stairway +to the upper street, then up another stairs to the +station. The electric train was there waiting, all the +lights on. There was a dial that showed when it left. +The clock hands pointed to ten minutes after five. I +looked at the station clock. It was five minutes after. +As we got on board I saw the motorman and conductor +coming out of the station wine shop. We sat down and +opened the window. The train was electrically heated +and stuffy but fresh cold air came in through the window.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you tired, Cat?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I feel splendid.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It isn’t a long ride.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I like the ride,” she said. “Don’t worry about me, +darling. I feel fine.”</p> + +<hr class='tbk115'/> + +<p class='pindent'>Snow did not come until three days before Christmas. +We woke one morning and it was snowing. We +stayed in bed with the fire roaring in the stove and +watched the snow fall. Mrs. Guttingen took away the +breakfast trays and put more wood in the stove. It +was a big snow storm. She said it had started about +midnight. I went to the window and looked out but +could not see across the road. It was blowing and +snowing wildly. I went back to bed and we lay and +talked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish I could ski,” Catherine said. “It’s rotten not +to be able to ski.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll get a bobsled and come down the road. +That’s no worse for you than riding in a car.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Won’t it be rough?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We can see.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I hope it won’t be too rough.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“After a while we’ll take a walk in the snow.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Before lunch,” Catherine said, “so we’ll have a +good appetite.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m always hungry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So am I.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went out in the snow but it was drifted so that +we could not walk far. I went ahead and made a trail +down to the station but when we reached there we had +gone far enough. The snow was blowing so we could +hardly see and we went into the little inn by the station +and swept each other off with a broom and sat on a +bench and had vermouths.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is a big storm,” the barmaid said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The snow is very late this year.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Could I eat a chocolate bar?” Catherine asked. “Or +is it too close to lunch? I’m always hungry.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go on and eat one,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll take one with filberts,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are very good,” the girl said, “I like them the +best.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll have another vermouth,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When we came out to start back up the road our +track was filled in by the snow. There were only faint +indentations where the holes had been. The snow blew +in our faces so we could hardly see. We brushed off +and went in to have lunch. Mr. Guttingen served the +lunch.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To-morrow there will be skiing,” he said. “Do +you ski, Mr. Henry?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. But I want to learn.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You will learn very easily. My boy will be here +for Christmas and he will teach you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s fine. When does he come?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“To-morrow night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When we were sitting by the stove in the little room +after lunch looking out the window at the snow coming +down Catherine said, “Wouldn’t you like to go on a +trip somewhere by yourself, darling, and be with men +and ski?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Why should I?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I should think sometimes you would want to see +other people besides me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want to see other people?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Neither do I.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know. But you’re different. I’m having a child +and that makes me contented not to do anything. I +know I’m awfully stupid now and I talk too much and +I think you ought to get away so you won’t be tired of +me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want me to go away?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I want you to stay.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s what I’m going to do.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Come over here,” she said. “I want to feel the +bump on your head. It’s a big bump.” She ran her +finger over it. “Darling, would you like to grow a +beard?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Would you like me to?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It might be fun. I’d like to see you with a beard.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. I’ll grow one. I’ll start now this minute. +It’s a good idea. It will give me something to do.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you worried because you haven’t anything to +do?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I like it. I have a fine life. Don’t you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have a lovely life. But I was afraid because I’m +big now that maybe I was a bore to you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, Cat. You don’t know how crazy I am about +you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This way?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just the way you are. I have a fine time. Don’t we +have a good life?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do, but I thought maybe you were restless.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Sometimes I wonder about the front and +about people I know but I don’t worry. I don’t think +about anything much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Who do you wonder about?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“About Rinaldi and the priest and lots of people I +know. But I don’t think about them much. I don’t +want to think about the war. I’m through with it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What are you thinking about now?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nothing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes you were. Tell me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I was wondering whether Rinaldi had the syphilis.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Was that all?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Has he the syphilis?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t know.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m glad you haven’t. Did you ever have anything +like that?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I had gonorrhea.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want to hear about it. Was it very painful, +darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Very.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wish I’d had it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No you don’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do. I wish I’d had it to be like you. I wish I’d +stayed with all your girls so I could make fun of them +to you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s a pretty picture.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s not a pretty picture you having gonorrhea.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know it. Look at it snow now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d rather look at you. Darling, why don’t you let +your hair grow?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How grow?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just grow a little longer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s long enough now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, let it grow a little longer and I could cut mine +and we’d be just alike only one of us blonde and one +of us dark.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I wouldn’t let you cut yours.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It would be fun. I’m tired of it. It’s an awful +nuisance in the bed at night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I like it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Wouldn’t you like it short?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I might. I like it the way it is.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It might be nice short. Then we’d both be alike. +Oh, darling, I want you so much I want to be you too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are. We’re the same one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know it. At night we are.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The nights are grand.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want us to be all mixed up. I don’t want you to +go away. I just said that. You go if you want to. +But hurry right back. Why, darling, I don’t live at all +when I’m not with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t ever go away,” I said. “I’m no good when +you’re not there. I haven’t any life at all any more.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want you to have a life. I want you to have a fine +life. But we’ll have it together, won’t we?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And now do you want me to stop growing my +beard or let it go on?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go on. Grow it. It will be exciting. Maybe it +will be done for New Year’s.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now do you want to play chess?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’d rather play with you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Let’s play chess.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And afterward we’ll play?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I got out the chess-board and arranged the pieces. +It was still snowing hard outside.</p> + +<hr class='tbk116'/> + +<p class='pindent'>One time in the night I woke up and knew that +Catherine was awake too. The moon was shining in +the window and made shadows on the bed from the +bars on the window-panes.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you awake, sweetheart?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Can’t you sleep?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I just woke up thinking about how I was nearly +crazy when I first met you. Do you remember?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You were just a little crazy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m never that way any more. I’m grand now. +You say grand so sweetly. Say grand.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Grand.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, you’re sweet. And I’m not crazy now. I’m +just very, very, very happy.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go on to sleep,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. Let’s go to sleep at exactly the same +moment.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>But we did not. I was awake for quite a long time +thinking about things and watching Catherine sleeping, +the moonlight on her face. Then I went to sleep, too.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXIX</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>By the middle of January I had a beard and the +winter had settled into bright cold days and hard cold +nights. We could walk on the roads again. The snow +was packed hard and smooth by the hay-sleds and wood-sledges +and the logs that were hauled down the mountain. +The snow lay over all the country, down almost +to Montreux. The mountains on the other side of the +lake were all white and the plain of the Rhone valley +was covered. We took long walks on the other side of +the mountain to the Bains de l’Alliaz. Catherine wore +hobnailed boots and a cape and carried a stick with a +sharp steel point. She did not look big with the cape +and we would not walk too fast but stopped and sat +on logs by the roadside to rest when she was tired.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>There was an inn in the trees at the Bains de l’Alliaz +where the woodcutters stopped to drink, and we sat +inside warmed by the stove and drank hot red wine +with spices and lemon in it. They called it <span class='it'>glühwein</span> and +it was a good thing to warm you and to celebrate with. +The inn was dark and smoky inside and afterward +when you went out the cold air came sharply into your +lungs and numbed the edge of your nose as you inhaled. +We looked back at the inn with light coming +from the windows and the woodcutters’ horses stamping +and jerking their heads outside to keep warm. +There was frost on the hairs of their muzzles and their +breathing made plumes of frost in the air. Going up +the road toward home the road was smooth and slippery +for a while and the ice orange from the horses +until the wood-hauling track turned off. Then the road +was clean-packed snow and led through the woods, and +twice coming home in the evening, we saw foxes.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It was a fine country and every time that we went +out it was fun.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have a splendid beard now,” Catherine said. +“It looks just like the woodcutters’. Did you see the +man with the tiny gold ear-rings?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s a chamois hunter,” I said. “They wear them +because they say it makes them hear better.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Really? I don’t believe it. I think they wear them +to show they are chamois hunters. Are there chamois +near here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, beyond the Dent de Jaman.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was fun seeing the fox.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When he sleeps he wraps that tail around him to +keep warm.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It must be a lovely feeling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I always wanted to have a tail like that. Wouldn’t +it be fun if we had brushes like a fox?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It might be very difficult dressing.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’d have clothes made, or live in a country where +it wouldn’t make any difference.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We live in a country where nothing makes any difference. +Isn’t it grand how we never see any one? +You don’t want to see people do you, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Should we sit here just a minute? I’m a little bit +tired.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We sat close together on the logs. Ahead the road +went down through the forest.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She won’t come between us, will she? The little +brat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. We won’t let her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How are we for money?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have plenty. They honored the last sight +draft.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Won’t your family try and get hold of you now +they know you’re in Switzerland?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Probably. I’ll write them something.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Haven’t you written them?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. Only the sight draft.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank God I’m not your family.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll send them a cable.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you care anything about them?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I did, but we quarrelled so much it wore itself out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think I’d like them. I’d probably like them very +much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s not talk about them or I’ll start to worry +about them.” After a while I said, “Let’s go on if +you’re rested.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m rested.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went on down the road. It was dark now and +the snow squeaked under our boots. The night was dry +and cold and very clear.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I love your beard,” Catherine said. “It’s a great +success. It looks so stiff and fierce and it’s very soft +and a great pleasure.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you like it better than without?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I think so. You know, darling, I’m not going to cut +my hair now until after young Catherine’s born. I +look too big and matronly now. But after she’s born +and I’m thin again I’m going to cut it and then I’ll +be a fine new and different girl for you. We’ll go together +and get it cut, or I’ll go alone and come and +surprise you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I did not say anything.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You won’t say I can’t, will you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I think it would be exciting.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, you’re so sweet. And maybe I’d look lovely, +darling, and be so thin and exciting to you and you’ll +fall in love with me all over again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hell,” I said, “I love you enough now. What do +you want to do? Ruin me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I want to ruin you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good,” I said, “that’s what I want too.”</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XL</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>We had a fine life. We lived through the months of +January and February and the winter was very fine +and we were very happy. There had been short thaws +when the wind blew warm and the snow softened and +the air felt like Spring, but always the clear hard cold +had come again and the winter had returned. In +March came the first break in the winter. In the night +it started raining. It rained on all morning and turned +the snow to slush and made the mountain-side dismal. +There were clouds over the lake and over the valley. +It was raining high up the mountain. Catherine wore +heavy overshoes and I wore Mr. Guttingen’s rubber-boots +and we walked to the station under an umbrella, +through the slush and the running water that was +washing the ice of the roads bare, to stop at the pub +before lunch for a vermouth. Outside we could hear +the rain.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you think we ought to move into town?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you think?” Catherine asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If the winter is over and the rain keeps up it won’t +be fun up here. How long is it before young Catherine?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“About a month. Perhaps a little more.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We might go down and stay in Montreux.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Why don’t we go to Lausanne? That’s where the +hospital is.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right. But I thought maybe that was too big a +town.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We can be as much alone in a bigger town and +Lausanne might be nice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“When should we go?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t care. Whenever you want, darling. I don’t +want to leave here if you don’t want.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Let’s see how the weather turns out.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It rained for three days. The snow was all gone now +on the mountain-side below the station. The road was +a torrent of muddy snow-water. It was too wet and +slushy to go out. On the morning of the third day of +rain we decided to go down into town.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That is all right, Mr. Henry,” Guttingen said. +“You do not have to give me any notice. I did not +think you would want to stay now the bad weather is +come.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We have to be near the hospital anyway on account +of Madame,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I understand,” he said. “Will you come back some +time and stay, with the little one?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, if you would have room.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In the Spring when it is nice you could come and +enjoy it. We could put the little one and the nurse in +the big room that is closed now and you and Madame +could have your same room looking out over the lake.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll write about coming,” I said. We packed and +left on the train that went down after lunch. Mr. and +Mrs. Guttingen came down to the station with us and +he hauled our baggage down on a sled through the +slush. They stood beside the station in the rain waving +good-by.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They were very sweet,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They were fine to us.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We took the train to Lausanne from Montreux. +Looking out the window toward where we had lived +you could not see the mountains for the clouds. The +train stopped in Vevey, then went on, passing the lake +on one side and on the other the wet brown fields and +the bare woods and the wet houses. We came into +Lausanne and went into a medium-sized hotel to stay. +It was still raining as we drove through the streets and +into the carriage entrance of the hotel. The concierge +with brass keys on his lapels, the elevator, the carpets +on the floors, and the white washbowls with shining +fixtures, the brass bed and the big comfortable bedroom +all seemed very great luxury after the Guttingens. +The windows of the room looked out on a wet +garden with a wall topped by an iron fence. Across +the street, which sloped steeply, was another hotel with +a similar wall and garden. I looked out at the rain +falling in the fountain of the garden.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine turned on all the lights and commenced +unpacking. I ordered a whiskey and soda and lay on +the bed and read the papers I had bought at the station. +It was March, 1918, and the German offensive +had started in France. I drank the whiskey and soda +and read while Catherine unpacked and moved around +the room.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You know what I have to get, darling,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Baby clothes. There aren’t many people reach my +time without baby things.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can buy them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know. That’s what I’ll do to-morrow. I’ll find +out what is necessary.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You ought to know. You were a nurse.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But so few of the soldiers had babies in the hospitals.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I did.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She hit me with the pillow and spilled the whiskey +and soda.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll order you another,” she said. “I’m sorry I +spilled it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There wasn’t much left. Come on over to the bed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I have to try and make this room look like +something.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Like what?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Like our home.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hang out the Allied flags.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh shut up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Say it again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Shut up.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You say it so cautiously,” I said. “As though you +didn’t want to offend any one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then come over to the bed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right.” She came and sat on the bed. “I know +I’m no fun for you, darling. I’m like a big flour-barrel.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No you’re not. You’re beautiful and you’re sweet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m just something very ungainly that you’ve married.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No you’re not. You’re more beautiful all the time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But I will be thin again, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re thin now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ve been drinking.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just whiskey and soda.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s another one coming,” she said. “And then +should we order dinner up here?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That will be good.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Then we won’t go out, will we? We’ll just stay in +to-night.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“And play,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll drink some wine,” Catherine said. “It won’t +hurt me. Maybe we can get some of our old white +capri.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know we can,” I said. “They’ll have Italian wines +at a hotel this size.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The waiter knocked at the door. He brought the +whiskey in a glass with ice and beside the glass on a +tray a small bottle of soda.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you,” I said. “Put it down there. Will you +please have dinner for two brought up here and two +bottles of dry white capri in ice.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you wish to commence your dinner with soup?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want soup, Cat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Bring soup for one.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Thank you, sir.” He went out and shut the door. +I went back to the papers and the war in the papers and +poured the soda slowly over the ice into the whiskey. I +would have to tell them not to put ice in the whiskey. +Let them bring the ice separately. That way you could +tell how much whiskey there was and it would not suddenly +be too thin from the soda. I would get a bottle +of whiskey and have them bring ice and soda. That +was the sensible way. Good whiskey was very pleasant. +It was one of the pleasant parts of life.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What are you thinking, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“About whiskey.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about whiskey?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“About how nice it is.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine made a face. “All right,” she said.</p> + +<hr class='tbk117'/> + +<p class='pindent'>We stayed at that hotel three weeks. It was not +bad; the dining-room was usually empty and very often +we ate in our room at night. We walked in the +town and took the cogwheel railway down to Ouchy +and walked beside the lake. The weather became quite +warm and it was like Spring. We wished we were back +in the mountains but the Spring weather lasted only a +few days and then the cold rawness of the breaking-up +of winter came again.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine bought the things she needed for the baby, +up in the town. I went to a gymnasium in the arcade +to box for exercise. I usually went up there in the +morning while Catherine stayed late in bed. On the +days of false Spring it was very nice, after boxing and +taking a shower, to walk along the streets smelling the +Spring in the air and stop at a café to sit and watch +the people and read the paper and drink a vermouth; +then go down to the hotel and have lunch with Catherine. +The professor at the boxing gymnasium wore +mustaches and was very precise and jerky and went +all to pieces if you started after him. But it was pleasant +in the gym. There was good air and light and I +worked quite hard, skipping rope, shadow-boxing, doing +abdominal exercises lying on the floor in a patch +of sunlight that came through the open window, and +occasionally scaring the professor when we boxed. I +could not shadow-box in front of the narrow long +mirror at first because it looked so strange to see a +man with a beard boxing. But finally I just thought +it was funny. I wanted to take off the beard as soon +as I started boxing but Catherine did not want me to.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Sometimes Catherine and I went for rides out in +the country in a carriage. It was nice to ride when +the days were pleasant and we found two good places +where we could ride out to eat. Catherine could not +walk very far now and I loved to ride out along the +country roads with her. When there was a good day +we had a splendid time and we never had a bad time. +We knew the baby was very close now and it gave us +both a feeling as though something were hurrying us +and we could not lose any time together.</p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<h2>CHAPTER XLI</h2> + +<p class='pindent'>One morning I awoke about three o’clock hearing +Catherine stirring in the bed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Are you all right, Cat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ve been having some pains, darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Regularly?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, not very.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you have them at all regularly we’ll go to the +hospital.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I was very sleepy and went back to sleep. A little +while later I woke again.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Maybe you’d better call up the doctor,” Catherine +said. “I think maybe this is it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went to the phone and called the doctor. “How +often are the pains coming?” he asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How often are they coming, Cat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I should think every quarter of an hour.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You should go to the hospital then,” the doctor +said. “I will dress and go there right away myself.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I hung up and called the garage near the station to +send up a taxi. No one answered the phone for a long +time. Then I finally got a man who promised to send +up a taxi at once. Catherine was dressing. Her bag +was all packed with the things she would need at the +hospital and the baby things. Outside in the hall I +rang for the elevator. There was no answer. I went +downstairs. There was no one downstairs except the +night-watchman. I brought the elevator up myself, +put Catherine’s bag in it, she stepped in and we went +down. The night-watchman opened the door for us +and we sat outside on the stone slabs beside the stairs +down to the driveway and waited for the taxi. The +night was clear and the stars were out. Catherine was +very excited.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m so glad it’s started,” she said. “Now in a little +while it will be all over.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re a good brave girl.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not afraid. I wish the taxi would come, +though.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We heard it coming up the street and saw its headlights. +It turned into the driveway and I helped +Catherine in and the driver put the bag up in front.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Drive to the hospital,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>We went out of the driveway and started up the hill.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>At the hospital we went in and I carried the bag. +There was a woman at the desk who wrote down +Catherine’s name, age, address, relatives and religion, +in a book. She said she had no religion and the woman +drew a line in the space after that word. She +gave her name as Catherine Henry.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will take you up to your room,” she said. We +went up in an elevator. The woman stopped it and we +stepped out and followed her down a hall. Catherine +held tight to my arm.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“This is the room,” the woman said. “Will you +please undress and get into bed? Here is a nightgown +for you to wear.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I have a nightgown,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is better for you to wear this nightgown,” the +woman said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went outside and sat on a chair in the hallway.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can come in now,” the woman said from the +doorway. Catherine was lying in the narrow bed wearing +a plain, square-cut nightgown that looked as though +it were made of rough sheeting. She smiled at me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m having fine pains now,” she said. The woman +was holding her wrist and timing the pains with a +watch.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was a big one,” Catherine said. I saw it on +her face.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where’s the doctor?” I asked the woman.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s lying down sleeping. He will be here when +he is needed.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I must do something for Madame, now,” the nurse +said. “Would you please step out again?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went out into the hall. It was a bare hall with two +windows and closed doors all down the corridor. It +smelled of hospital. I sat on the chair and looked at +the floor and prayed for Catherine.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can come in,” the nurse said. I went in.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hello, darling,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How is it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They are coming quite often now.” Her face drew +up. Then she smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was a real one. Do you want to put your +hand on my back again, nurse?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If it helps you,” the nurse said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You go away, darling,” Catherine said. “Go out +and get something to eat. I may do this for a long +time the nurse says.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The first labor is usually protracted,” the nurse +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please go out and get something to eat,” Catherine +said. “I’m fine, really.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll stay awhile,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The pains came quite regularly, then slackened off. +Catherine was very excited. When the pains were bad +she called them good ones. When they started to fall +off she was disappointed and ashamed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You go out, darling,” she said. “I think you are +just making me self-conscious.” Her face tied up. +“There. That was better. I so want to be a good wife +and have this child without any foolishness. Please +go and get some breakfast, darling, and then come +back. I won’t miss you. Nurse is splendid to me.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You have plenty of time for breakfast,” the nurse +said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll go then. Good-by, sweet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-by,” Catherine said, “and have a fine breakfast +for me too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where can I get breakfast?” I asked the nurse.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There’s a café down the street at the square,” she +said. “It should be open now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Outside it was getting light. I walked down the +empty street to the café. There was a light in the window. +I went in and stood at the zinc bar and an old +man served me a glass of white wine and a brioche. +The brioche was yesterday’s. I dipped it in the wine +and then drank a glass of coffee.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you do at this hour?” the old man asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“My wife is in labor at the hospital.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So. I wish you good luck.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Give me another glass of wine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He poured it from the bottle slopping it over a little +so some ran down on the zinc. I drank this glass, paid +and went out. Outside along the street were the refuse +cans from the houses waiting for the collector. A dog +was nosing at one of the cans.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you want?” I asked and looked in the can +to see if there was anything I could pull out for him; +there was nothing on top but coffee-grounds, dust and +some dead flowers.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There isn’t anything, dog,” I said. The dog crossed +the street. I went up the stairs in the hospital to the +floor Catherine was on and down the hall to her room. +I knocked on the door. There was no answer. I opened +the door; the room was empty, except for Catherine’s +bag on a chair and her dressing-gown hanging on a +hook on the wall. I went out and down the hall, looking +for somebody. I found a nurse.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where is Madame Henry?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A lady has just gone to the delivery room.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Where is it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will show you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She took me down to the end of the hall. The door +of the room was partly open. I could see Catherine +lying on a table, covered by a sheet. The nurse was on +one side and the doctor stood on the other side of the +table beside some cylinders. The doctor held a rubber +mask attached to a tube in one hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will give you a gown and you can go in,” the +nurse said. “Come in here, please.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She put a white gown on me and pinned it at the +neck in back with a safety pin.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Now you can go in,” she said. I went into the room.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hello, darling,” Catherine said in a strained voice. +“I’m not doing much.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are Mr. Henry?” the doctor asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. How is everything going, doctor?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Things are going very well,” the doctor said. “We +came in here where it is easy to give gas for the pains.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want it now,” Catherine said. The doctor placed +the rubber mask over her face and turned a dial and I +watched Catherine breathing deeply and rapidly. Then +she pushed the mask away. The doctor shut off the +petcock.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That wasn’t a very big one. I had a very big one +a while ago. The doctor made me go clear out, didn’t +you, doctor?” Her voice was strange. It rose on the +word doctor.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The doctor smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want it again,” Catherine said. She held the rubber +tight to her face and breathed fast. I heard her +moaning a little. Then she pulled the mask away and +smiled.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was a big one,” she said. “That was a very +big one. Don’t you worry, darling. You go away. Go +have another breakfast.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll stay,” I said.</p> + +<hr class='tbk118'/> + +<p class='pindent'>We had gone to the hospital about three o’clock in the +morning. At noon Catherine was still in the delivery +room. The pains had slackened again. She looked very +tired and worn now but she was still cheerful.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not any good, darling,” she said. “I’m so sorry. +I thought I would do it very easily. Now—there’s +one—” she reached out her hand for the mask and held +it over her face. The doctor moved the dial and +watched her. In a little while it was over.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It wasn’t much,” Catherine said. She smiled. “I’m +a fool about the gas. It’s wonderful.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“We’ll get some for the home,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“<span class='it'>There one comes</span>,” Catherine said quickly. The doctor +turned the dial and looked at his watch.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is the interval now?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“About a minute.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you want lunch?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will have something pretty soon,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You must have something to eat, doctor,” Catherine +said. “I’m so sorry I go on so long. Couldn’t my +husband give me the gas?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“If you wish,” the doctor said. “You turn it to the +numeral two.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I see,” I said. There was a marker on a dial that +turned with a handle.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“<span class='it'>I want it now</span>,” Catherine said. She held the mask +tight to her face. I turned the dial to number two and +when Catherine put down the mask I turned it off. It +was very good of the doctor to let me do something.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you do it, darling?” Catherine asked. She +stroked my wrist.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sure.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re so lovely.” She was a little drunk from +the gas.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will eat from a tray in the next room,” the doctor +said. “You can call me any moment.” While the +time passed I watched him eat, then, after a while, I +saw that he was lying down and smoking a cigarette. +Catherine was getting very tired.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you think I’ll ever have this baby?” she asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes, of course you will.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I try as hard as I can. I push down but it goes +away. <span class='it'>There it comes. Give it to me.</span>”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>At two o’clock I went out and had lunch. There +were a few men in the café sitting with coffee and +glasses of kirsch or marc on the tables. I sat down at +a table. “Can I eat?” I asked the waiter.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is past time for lunch.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Isn’t there anything for all hours?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can have <span class='it'>choucroute</span>.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Give me <span class='it'>choucroute</span> and beer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A demi or a bock?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A light demi.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The waiter brought a dish of sauerkraut with a slice +of ham over the top and a sausage buried in the hot +wine-soaked cabbage. I ate it and drank the beer. I was +very hungry. I watched the people at the tables in the +café. At one table they were playing cards. Two men +at the table next me were talking and smoking. The +café was full of smoke. The zinc bar, where I had +breakfasted, had three people behind it now; the old +man, a plump woman in a black dress who sat behind +a counter and kept track of everything served to the +tables, and a boy in an apron. I wondered how many +children the woman had and what it had been like.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>When I was through with the <span class='it'>choucroute</span> I went +back to the hospital. The street was all clean now. +There were no refuse cans out. The day was cloudy +but the sun was trying to come through. I rode upstairs +in the elevator, stepped out and went down the +hall to Catherine’s room, where I had left my white +gown. I put it on and pinned it in back at the neck. +I looked in the glass and saw myself looking like a fake +doctor with a beard. I went down the hall to the delivery +room. The door was closed and I knocked. No +one answered so I turned the handle and went in. The +doctor sat by Catherine. The nurse was doing something +at the other end of the room.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Here is your husband,” the doctor said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, darling, I have the most wonderful doctor,” +Catherine said in a very strange voice. “He’s been +telling me the most wonderful story and when the pain +came too badly he put me all the way out. He’s wonderful. +You’re wonderful, doctor.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re drunk,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know it,” Catherine said. “But you shouldn’t say +it.” Then “<span class='it'>Give it to me. Give it to me.</span>” She +clutched hold of the mask and breathed short and deep, +pantingly, making the respirator click. Then she gave +a long sigh and the doctor reached with his left hand +and lifted away the mask.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was a very big one,” Catherine said. Her voice +was very strange. “I’m not going to die now, darling. +I’m past where I was going to die. Aren’t you glad?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t you get in that place again.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t. I’m not afraid of it though. I won’t die, +darling.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You will not do any such foolishness,” the doctor +said. “You would not die and leave your husband.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, no. I won’t die. I wouldn’t die. It’s silly to +die. There it comes. <span class='it'>Give it to me.</span>”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>After a while the doctor said, “You will go out, Mr. +Henry, for a few moments and I will make an examination.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He wants to see how I am doing,” Catherine said. +“You can come back afterward, darling, can’t he, doctor?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” said the doctor. “I will send word when he +can come back.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went out the door and down the hall to the room +where Catherine was to be after the baby came. I +sat in a chair there and looked at the room. I had the +paper in my coat that I had bought when I went out +for lunch and I read it. It was beginning to be dark +outside and I turned the light on to read. After a while +I stopped reading and turned off the light and watched +it get dark outside. I wondered why the doctor did +not send for me. Maybe it was better I was away. +He probably wanted me away for a while. I looked +at my watch. If he did not send for me in ten minutes +I would go down anyway.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Poor, poor dear Cat. And this was the price you +paid for sleeping together. This was the end of the +trap. This was what people got for loving each other. +Thank God for gas, anyway. What must it have been +like before there were anæsthetics? Once it started, +they were in the mill-race. Catherine had a good time +in the time of pregnancy. It wasn’t bad. She was +hardly ever sick. She was not awfully uncomfortable +until toward the last. So now they got her in the end. +You never got away with anything. Get away hell! +It would have been the same if we had been married +fifty times. And what if she should die? She won’t +die. People don’t die in childbirth nowadays. That +was what all husbands thought. Yes, but what if she +should die? She won’t die. She’s just having a bad +time. The initial labor is usually protracted. She’s +only having a bad time. Afterward we’d say what a +bad time and Catherine would say it wasn’t really so +bad. But what if she should die? She can’t die. Yes, +but what if she should die? She can’t, I tell you. Don’t +be a fool. It’s just a bad time. It’s just nature giving +her hell. It’s only the first labor, which is almost +always protracted. Yes, but what if she should die? +She can’t die. Why would she die? What reason is +there for her to die? There’s just a child that has to +be born, the by-product of good nights in Milan. It +makes trouble and is born and then you look after it +and get fond of it maybe. But what if she should die? +She won’t die. But what if she should die? She +won’t. She’s all right. But what if she should die? +She can’t die. But what if she should die? Hey, what +about that? What if she should die?</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The doctor came into the room.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How does it go, doctor?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It doesn’t go,” he said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you mean?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just that. I made an examination—” He detailed +the result of the examination. “Since then I’ve waited +to see. But it doesn’t go.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you advise?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There are two things. Either a high forceps delivery +which can tear and be quite dangerous besides +being possibly bad for the child, and a Cæsarean.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is the danger of a Cæsarean?” What if she +should die!</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It should be no greater than the danger of an ordinary +delivery.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Would you do it yourself?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. I would need possibly an hour to get things +ready and to get the people I would need. Perhaps a +little less.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you think?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I would advise a Cæsarean operation. If it were +my wife I would do a Cæsarean.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What are the after effects?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“There are none. There is only the scar.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What about infection?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“The danger is not so great as in a high forceps delivery.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What if you just went on and did nothing?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You would have to do something eventually. Mrs. +Henry is already losing much of her strength. The +sooner we operate now the safer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Operate as soon as you can,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I will go and give the instructions.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went into the delivery room. The nurse was with +Catherine who lay on the table, big under the sheet, +looking very pale and tired.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Did you tell him he could do it?” she asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Isn’t that grand. Now it will be all over in an hour. +I’m almost done, darling. I’m going all to pieces. +<span class='it'>Please give me that.</span> It doesn’t work. <span class='it'>Oh, it doesn’t +work!</span>”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Breathe deeply.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I am. Oh, it doesn’t work any more. It doesn’t +work!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Get another cylinder,” I said to the nurse.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That is a new cylinder.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m just a fool, darling,” Catherine said. “But it +doesn’t work any more.” She began to cry. “Oh, I +wanted so to have this baby and not make trouble, and +now I’m all done and all gone to pieces and it doesn’t +work. Oh, darling, it doesn’t work at all. I don’t +care if I die if it will only stop. Oh, please, darling, +please make it stop. <span class='it'>There it comes. Oh Oh Oh!</span>” +She breathed sobbingly in the mask. “It doesn’t work. +It doesn’t work. It doesn’t work. Don’t mind me, +darling. Please don’t cry. Don’t mind me. I’m just +gone all to pieces. You poor sweet. I love you so and +I’ll be good again. I’ll be good this time. <span class='it'>Can’t they +give me something?</span> If they could only give me something.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll make it work. I’ll turn it all the way.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Give it to me now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I turned the dial all the way and as she breathed +hard and deep her hand relaxed on the mask. I shut +off the gas and lifted the mask. She came back from +a long way away.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That was lovely, darling. Oh, you’re so good to +me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You be brave, because I can’t do that all the time. +It might kill you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m not brave any more, darling. I’m all broken. +They’ve broken me. I know it now.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Everybody is that way.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But it’s awful. They just keep it up till they break +you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“In an hour it will be over.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Isn’t that lovely? Darling, I won’t die, will I?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I promise you won’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Because I don’t want to die and leave you, but I +get so tired of it and I feel I’m going to die.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Nonsense. Everybody feels that.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sometimes I know I’m going to die.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You won’t. You can’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“But what if I should?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I won’t let you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Give it to me quick. <span class='it'>Give it to me!</span>”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Then afterward, “I won’t die. I won’t let myself +die.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Of course you won’t.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll stay with me?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Not to watch it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, just to be there.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sure. I’ll be there all the time.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re so good to me. There, give it to me. Give +me some more. <span class='it'>It’s not working!</span>”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I turned the dial to three and then four. I wished +the doctor would come back. I was afraid of the numbers +above two.</p> + +<hr class='tbk119'/> + +<p class='pindent'>Finally a new doctor came in with two nurses and +they lifted Catherine onto a wheeled stretcher and we +started down the hall. The stretcher went rapidly down +the hall and into the elevator where every one had to +crowd against the wall to make room; then up, then +an open door and out of the elevator and down the +hall on rubber wheels to the operating room. I did +not recognize the doctor with his cap and mask on. +There was another doctor and more nurses.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“<span class='it'>They’ve got to give me something</span>,” Catherine said. +“<span class='it'>They’ve got to give me something.</span> Oh please, doctor, +give me enough to do some good!”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>One of the doctors put a mask over her face and I +looked through the door and saw the bright small amphitheatre +of the operating room.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can go in the other door and sit up there,” a +nurse said to me. There were benches behind a rail +that looked down on the white table and the lights. I +looked at Catherine. The mask was over her face and +she was quiet now. They wheeled the stretcher forward. +I turned away and walked down the hall. Two +nurses were hurrying toward the entrance to the gallery.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It’s a Cæsarean,” one said. “They’re going to do a +Cæsarean.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The other one laughed, “We’re just in time. Aren’t +we lucky?” They went in the door that led to the +gallery.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Another nurse came along. She was hurrying too.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You go right in there. Go right in,” she said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m staying outside.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>She hurried in. I walked up and down the hall. I +was afraid to go in. I looked out the window. It was +dark but in the light from the window I could see it +was raining. I went into a room at the far end of the +hall and looked at the labels on bottles in a glass case. +Then I came out and stood in the empty hall and +watched the door of the operating room.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>A doctor came out followed by a nurse. He held +something in his two hands that looked like a freshly +skinned rabbit and hurried across the corridor with it +and in through another door. I went down to the door +he had gone into and found them in the room doing +things to a new-born child. The doctor held him up for +me to see. He held him by the heels and slapped him.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is he all right?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He’s magnificent. He’ll weigh five kilos.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I had no feeling for him. He did not seem to have +anything to do with me. I felt no feeling of fatherhood.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Aren’t you proud of your son?” the nurse asked. +They were washing him and wrapping him in something. +I saw the little dark face and dark hand, but I +did not see him move or hear him cry. The doctor was +doing something to him again. He looked upset.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “He nearly killed his mother.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It isn’t the little darling’s fault. Didn’t you want +a boy?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. The doctor was busy with him. He +held him up by the feet and slapped him. I did not +wait to see it. I went out in the hall. I could go in +now and see. I went in the door and a little way down +the gallery. The nurses who were sitting at the rail +motioned for me to come down where they were. I +shook my head. I could see enough where I was.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I thought Catherine was dead. She looked dead. +Her face was gray, the part of it that I could see. +Down below, under the light, the doctor was sewing +up the great long, forcep-spread, thick-edged, wound. +Another doctor in a mask gave the anæsthetic. Two +nurses in masks handed things. It looked like a drawing +of the Inquisition. I knew as I watched I could +have watched it all, but I was glad I hadn’t. I do not +think I could have watched them cut, but I watched the +wound closed into a high welted ridge with quick skilful-looking +stitches like a cobbler’s, and was glad. When +the wound was closed I went out into the hall and +walked up and down again. After a while the doctor +came out.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How is she?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She is all right. Did you watch?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He looked tired.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I saw you sew up. The incision looked very long.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You thought so?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. Will that scar flatten out?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Oh, yes.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>After a while they brought out the wheeled stretcher +and took it very rapidly down the hallway to the elevator. +I went along beside it. Catherine was moaning. +Downstairs they put her in the bed in her room. +I sat in a chair at the foot of the bed. There was a +nurse in the room. I got up and stood by the bed. It +was dark in the room. Catherine put out her hand, +“Hello, darling,” she said. Her voice was very weak +and tired.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Hello, you sweet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What sort of baby was it?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Sh—don’t talk,” the nurse said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A boy. He’s long and wide and dark.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is he all right?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said. “He’s fine.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I saw the nurse look at me strangely.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m awfully tired,” Catherine said. “And I hurt +like hell. Are you all right, darling?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m fine. Don’t talk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You were lovely to me. Oh, darling, I hurt dreadfully. +What does he look like?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He looks like a skinned rabbit with a puckered-up +old-man’s face.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You must go out,” the nurse said. “Madame +Henry must not talk.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’ll be outside,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Go and get something to eat.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. I’ll be outside.” I kissed Catherine. She +was very gray and weak and tired.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“May I speak to you?” I said to the nurse. She +came out in the hall with me. I walked a little way +down the hall.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What’s the matter with the baby?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Didn’t you know?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He wasn’t alive.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“He was dead?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“They couldn’t start him breathing. The cord was +caught around his neck or something.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“So he’s dead.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes. It’s such a shame. He was such a fine big +boy. I thought you knew.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “You better go back in with Madame.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I sat down on the chair in front of a table where +there were nurses’ reports hung on clips at the side and +looked out of the window. I could see nothing but +the dark and the rain falling across the light from the +window. So that was it. The baby was dead. That +was why the doctor looked so tired. But why had they +acted the way they did in the room with him? They +supposed he would come around and start breathing +probably. I had no religion but I knew he ought to +have been baptized. But what if he never breathed at +all. He hadn’t. He had never been alive. Except in +Catherine. I’d felt him kick there often enough. But +I hadn’t for a week. Maybe he was choked all the time. +Poor little kid. I wished the hell I’d been choked like +that. No I didn’t. Still there would not be all this dying +to go through. Now Catherine would die. That was +what you did. You died. You did not know what it +was about. You never had time to learn. They threw +you in and told you the rules and the first time they +caught you off base they killed you. Or they killed +you gratuitously like Aymo. Or gave you the syphilis +like Rinaldo. But they killed you in the end. You +could count on that. Stay around and they would kill +you.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Once in camp I put a log on top of the fire and it +was full of ants. As it commenced to burn, the ants +swarmed out and went first toward the centre where +the fire was; then turned back and ran toward the end. +When there were enough on the end they fell off into +the fire. Some got out, their bodies burnt and flattened, +and went off not knowing where they were going. But +most of them went toward the fire and then back toward +the end and swarmed on the cool end and finally +fell off into the fire. I remember thinking at the time +that it was the end of the world and a splendid chance +to be a messiah and lift the log off the fire and throw +it out where the ants could get off onto the ground. +But I did not do anything but throw a tin cup of water +on the log, so that I would have the cup empty to put +whiskey in before I added water to it. I think the cup +of water on the burning log only steamed the ants.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>So now I sat out in the hall and waited to hear how +Catherine was. The nurse did not come out, so after a +while I went to the door and opened it very softly and +looked in. I could not see at first because there was a +bright light in the hall and it was dark in the room. +Then I saw the nurse sitting by the bed and Catherine’s +head on a pillow, and she all flat under the sheet. +The nurse put her finger to her lips, then stood up and +came to the door.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“How is she?” I asked.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“She’s all right,” the nurse said. “You should go +and have your supper and then come back if you wish.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I went down the hall and then down the stairs and +out the door of the hospital and down the dark street +in the rain to the café. It was brightly lighted inside +and there were many people at the tables. I did not +see a place to sit, and a waiter came up to me and took +my wet coat and hat and showed me a place at a table +across from an elderly man who was drinking beer and +reading the evening paper. I sat down and asked the +waiter what the <span class='it'>plat du jour</span> was.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Veal stew—but it is finished.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What can I have to eat?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ham and eggs, eggs with cheese, or <span class='it'>choucroute</span>.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I had <span class='it'>choucroute</span> this noon,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“That’s true,” he said. “That’s true. You ate <span class='it'>choucroute</span> +this noon.” He was a middle-aged man with a +bald top to his head and his hair slicked over it. He +had a kind face.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What do you want? Ham and eggs or eggs with +cheese?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Ham and eggs,” I said, “and beer.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“A demi-blonde?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I remembered,” he said. “You took a demi-blonde +this noon.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I ate the ham and eggs and drank the beer. The ham +and eggs were in a round dish—the ham underneath +and the eggs on top. It was very hot and at the first +mouthful I had to take a drink of beer to cool my +mouth. I was hungry and I asked the waiter for another +order. I drank several glasses of beer. I was +not thinking at all but read the paper of the man opposite +me. It was about the break through on the British +front. When he realized I was reading the back of +his paper he folded it over. I thought of asking the +waiter for a paper, but I could not concentrate. It +was hot in the café and the air was bad. Many of the +people at the tables knew one another. There were several +card games going on. The waiters were busy +bringing drinks from the bar to the tables. Two men +came in and could find no place to sit. They stood opposite +the table where I was. I ordered another beer. +I was not ready to leave yet. It was too soon to go +back to the hospital. I tried not to think and to be +perfectly calm. The men stood around but no one was +leaving, so they went out. I drank another beer. There +was quite a pile of saucers now on the table in front of +me. The man opposite me had taken off his spectacles, +put them away in a case, folded his paper and put it +in his pocket and now sat holding his liqueur glass and +looking out at the room. Suddenly I knew I had to +get back. I called the waiter, paid the reckoning, got +into my coat, put on my hat and started out the door. +I walked through the rain up to the hospital.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Upstairs I met the nurse coming down the hall.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I just called you at the hotel,” she said. Something +dropped inside me.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“What is wrong?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Mrs. Henry has had a hemorrhage.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Can I go in?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, not yet. The doctor is with her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is it dangerous?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It is very dangerous.” The nurse went into the +room and shut the door. I sat outside in the hall. +Everything was gone inside of me. I did not think. +I could not think. I knew she was going to die and +I prayed that she would not. Don’t let her die. Oh, +God, please don’t let her die. I’ll do anything for you +if you won’t let her die. Please, please, please, dear +God, don’t let her die. Dear God, don’t let her die. +Please, please, please don’t let her die. God please +make her not die. I’ll do anything you say if you don’t +let her die. You took the baby but don’t let her die. +That was all right but don’t let her die. Please, please, +dear God, don’t let her die.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>The nurse opened the door and motioned with her +finger for me to come. I followed her into the room. +Catherine did not look up when I came in. I went over +to the side of the bed. The doctor was standing by the +bed on the opposite side. Catherine looked at me and +smiled. I bent down over the bed and started to cry.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Poor darling,” Catherine said very softly. She +looked gray.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’re all right, Cat,” I said. “You’re going to be +all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I’m going to die,” she said; then waited and said, +“I hate it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I took her hand.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t touch me,” she said. I let go of her hand. +She smiled. “Poor darling. You touch me all you +want.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You’ll be all right, Cat. I know you’ll be all right.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I meant to write you a letter to have if anything +happened, but I didn’t do it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want me to get a priest or any one to come +and see you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Just you,” she said. Then a little later, “I’m not +afraid. I just hate it.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You must not talk so much,” the doctor said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” Catherine said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Do you want me to do anything, Cat? Can I get +you anything?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Catherine smiled, “No.” Then a little later, “You +won’t do our things with another girl, or say the same +things, will you?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Never.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I want you to have girls, though.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I don’t want them.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You are talking too much,” the doctor said. “Mr. +Henry must go out. He can come back again later. +You are not going to die. You must not be silly.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“All right,” Catherine said. “I’ll come and stay with +you nights,” she said. It was very hard for her to +talk.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Please go out of the room,” the doctor said. “You +cannot talk.” Catherine winked at me, her face gray. +“I’ll be right outside,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Don’t worry, darling,” Catherine said. “I’m not a +bit afraid. It’s just a dirty trick.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You dear, brave sweet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>I waited outside in the hall. I waited a long time. +The nurse came to the door and came over to me. “I’m +afraid Mrs. Henry is very ill,” she said. “I’m afraid +for her.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Is she dead?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, but she is unconscious.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>It seems she had one hemorrhage after another. +They couldn’t stop it. I went into the room and stayed +with Catherine until she died. She was unconscious +all the time, and it did not take her very long to die.</p> + +<hr class='tbk120'/> + +<p class='pindent'>Outside the room, in the hall, I spoke to the doctor, +“is there anything I can do to-night?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No. There is nothing to do. Can I take you to your +hotel?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, thank you. I am going to stay here a while.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I know there is nothing to say. I cannot tell +you——”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No,” I said. “There’s nothing to say.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Good-night,” he said. “I cannot take you to your +hotel?”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, thank you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“It was the only thing to do,” he said. “The operation +proved——”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I do not want to talk about it,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“I would like to take you to your hotel.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“No, thank you.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>He went down the hall. I went to the door of the +room.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can’t come in now,” one of the nurses said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“Yes I can,” I said.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You can’t come in yet.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>“You get out,” I said. “The other one too.”</p> + +<p class='pindent'>But after I had got them out and shut the door and +turned off the light it wasn’t any good. It was like saying +good-by to a statue. After a while I went out and +left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain.</p> + +<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:2em;margin-bottom:2em;font-size:.8em;'><span class='sc'>The End</span></p> + +<hr class='pbk'/> + +<p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:4em;margin-bottom:2em;font-size:1.2em;'>TRANSCRIBER NOTES</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Misspelled words and printer errors have been corrected. +Where multiple spellings occur, majority use has been +employed.</p> + +<p class='pindent'>Punctuation has been maintained except where obvious +printer errors occur.</p> + +<p class='line'> </p> + +<p class='noindent'>[The end of <span class='it'>A Farewell to Arms</span> by Ernest Hemingway]</p> + +<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75201 ***</div> + </body> + <!-- created with fpgen.py 4.46a on 2017-03-07 03:34:45 GMT --> +</html> + diff --git a/75201-h/images/cover.jpg b/75201-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6351600 --- /dev/null +++ b/75201-h/images/cover.jpg diff --git a/75201-h/images/verso.jpg b/75201-h/images/verso.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5d55b9e --- /dev/null +++ b/75201-h/images/verso.jpg |
