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diff --git a/7401-h/7401-h.htm b/7401-h/7401-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fe5d425 --- /dev/null +++ b/7401-h/7401-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,8291 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content= + "text/html; charset=us-ascii"> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of A Crystal Age, by W. H. Hudson. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + P { text-indent: 1em; + text-align: justify; + margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 14pt; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> + </head> + <body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Crystal Age, by W. H. Hudson + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Crystal Age + +Author: W. H. Hudson + +Posting Date: March 24, 2014 [EBook #7401] +Release Date: February, 2005 +First Posted: April 24, 2003 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A CRYSTAL AGE *** + + + + +Produced by Eric Eldred, David Garcia and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h1> + A CRYSTAL AGE + </h1> + <center> + <b>BY W. H. HUDSON</b> + </center> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + PREFACE + </h2> + <p> + <i>Romances of the future, however fantastic they may be, + have for most of us a perennial if mild interest, since they + are born of a very common feeling—a sense of + dissatisfaction with the existing order of things, combined + with a vague faith in or hope of a better one to come. The + picture put before us is false; we knew it would be false + before looking at it, since we cannot imagine what is unknown + any more than we can build without materials. Our mental + atmosphere surrounds and shuts us in like our own skins; no + one can boast that he has broken out of that prison. The + vast, unbounded prospect lies before us, but, as the poet + mournfully adds, "clouds and darkness rest upon it." + Nevertheless we cannot suppress all curiosity, or help asking + one another, What is your dream—your ideal? What is + your News from Nowhere, or, rather, what is the result of the + little shake your hand has given to the old pasteboard toy + with a dozen bits of colored glass for contents? And, most + important of all, can you present it in a narrative or + romance which will enable me to pass an idle hour not + disagreeably? How, for instance, does it compare in this + respect with other prophetic books on the shelf?</i> + </p> + <p> + <i>I am not referring to living authors; least of all to that + flamingo of letters who for the last decade or so has been a + wonder to our island birds. For what could I say of him that + is not known to every one—that he is the tallest of + fowls, land or water, of a most singular shape, and has + black-tipped crimson wings folded under his delicate + rose-colored plumage? These other books referred to, written, + let us say, from thirty or forty years to a century or two + ago, amuse us in a way their poor dead authors never + intended. Most amusing are the dead ones who take themselves + seriously, whose books are pulpits quaintly carved and + decorated with precious stones and silken canopies in which + they stand and preach to or at their contemporaries.</i> + </p> + <p> + <i>In like manner, in going through this book of mine after + so many years I am amused at the way it is colored by the + little cults and crazes, and modes of thought of the + 'eighties of the last century. They were so important then, + and now, if remembered at all, they appear so trivial! It + pleases me to be diverted in this way at "A Crystal + Age"—to find, in fact, that I have not stood still + while the world has been moving.</i> + </p> + <p> + <i>This criticism refers to the case, the habit, of the book + rather than to its spirit, since when we write we do, as the + red man thought, impart something of our souls to the paper, + and it is probable that if I were to write a new dream of the + future it would, though in some respects very different from + this, still be a dream and picture of the human race in its + forest period.</i> + </p> + <p> + <i>Alas that in this case the wish cannot induce belief! For + now I remember another thing which Nature said—that + earthly excellence can come in no way but one, and the ending + of passion and strife is the beginning of decay. It is indeed + a hard saying, and the hardest lesson we can learn of her + without losing love and bidding good-by forever to hope.</i> + </p> + <p> + W. H. H. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + A CRYSTAL AGE + </h2> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 1 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + I do not quite know how it happened, my recollection of the + whole matter ebbing in a somewhat clouded condition. I fancy + I had gone somewhere on a botanizing expedition, but whether + at home or abroad I don't know. At all events, I remember + that I had taken up the study of plants with a good deal of + enthusiasm, and that while hunting for some variety in the + mountains I sat down to rest on the edge of a ravine. Perhaps + it was on the ledge of an overhanging rock; anyhow, if I + remember rightly, the ground gave way all about me, + precipitating me below. The fall was a very considerable + one—probably thirty or forty feet, or more, and I was + rendered unconscious. How long I lay there under the heap of + earth and stones carried down in my fall it is impossible to + say: perhaps a long time; but at last I came to myself and + struggled up from the <i>debris</i>, like a mole coming to + the surface of the earth to feel the genial sunshine on his + dim eyeballs. I found myself standing (oddly enough, on all + fours) in an immense pit created by the overthrow of a + gigantic dead tree with a girth of about thirty or forty + feet. The tree itself had rolled down to the bottom of the + ravine; but the pit in which it had left the huge stumps of + severed roots was, I found, situated in a gentle slope at the + top of the bank! How, then, I could have fallen seemingly so + far from no height at all, puzzled me greatly: it looked as + if the solid earth had been indulging in some curious + transformation pranks during those moments or minutes of + insensibility. Another singular circumstance was that I had a + great mass of small fibrous rootlets tightly woven about my + whole person, so that I was like a colossal basket-worm in + its case, or a big man-shaped bottle covered with + wicker-work. It appeared as if the roots had <i>grown</i> + round me! Luckily they were quite sapless and brittle, and + without bothering my brains too much about the matter, I set + to work to rid myself of them. After stripping the woody + covering off, I found that my tourist suit of rough Scotch + homespun had not suffered much harm, although the cloth + exuded a damp, moldy smell; also that my thick-soled climbing + boots had assumed a cracked rusty appearance as if I had been + engaged in some brick-field operations; while my felt hat was + in such a discolored and battered condition that I felt + almost ashamed to put it on my head. My watch was gone; + perhaps I had not been wearing it, but my pocket-book in + which I had my money was safe in my breast pocket. + </p> + <p> + Glad and grateful at having escaped with unbroken bones from + such a dangerous accident, I set out walking along the edge + of the ravine, which soon broadened to a valley running + between two steep hills; and then, seeing water at the bottom + and feeling very dry, I ran down the slope to get a drink. + Lying flat on my chest to slake my thirst animal fashion, I + was amazed at the reflection the water gave back of my face: + it was, skin and hair, thickly encrusted with clay and + rootlets! Having taken a long drink, I threw off my clothes + to have a bath; and after splashing about for half an hour + managed to rid my skin of its accumulations of dirt. While + drying in the wind I shook the loose sand and clay from my + garments, then dressed, and, feeling greatly refreshed, + proceeded on my walk. + </p> + <p> + For an hour or so I followed the valley in its many windings, + but, failing to see any dwelling-place, I ascended a hill to + get a view of the surrounding country. The prospect which + disclosed itself when I had got a couple of hundred feet + above the surrounding level, appeared unfamiliar. The hills + among which I had been wandering were now behind me; before + me spread a wide rolling country, beyond which rose a + mountain range resembling in the distance blue banked-up + clouds with summits and peaks of pearly whiteness. Looking on + this scene I could hardly refrain from shouting with joy, so + glad did the sunlit expanse of earth, and the pure + exhilarating mountain breeze, make me feel. The season was + late summer—that was plain to see; the ground was + moist, as if from recent showers, and the earth everywhere + had that intense living greenness with which it reclothes + itself when the greater heats are over; but the foliage of + the woods was already beginning to be touched here and there + with the yellow and russet hues of decay. A more tranquil and + soul-satisfying scene could not be imagined: the dear old + mother earth was looking her very best; while the shifting + golden sunlight, the mysterious haze in the distance, and the + glint of a wide stream not very far off, seemed to + spiritualize her "happy autumn fields," and bring them into a + closer kinship with the blue over-arching sky. There was one + large house or mansion in sight, but no town, nor even a + hamlet, and not one solitary spire. In vain I scanned the + horizon, waiting impatiently to see the distant puff of white + steam from some passing engine. This troubled me not a + little, for I had no idea that I had drifted so far from + civilization in my search for specimens, or whatever it was + that brought me to this pretty, primitive wilderness. Not + quite a wilderness, however, for there, within a short hour's + walk of the hill, stood the one great stone mansion, close to + the river I had mentioned. There were also horses and cows in + sight, and a number of scattered sheep were grazing on the + hillside beneath me. + </p> + <p> + Strange to relate, I met with a little misadventure on + account of the sheep—an animal which one is accustomed + to regard as of a timid and inoffensive nature. When I set + out at a brisk pace to walk to the house I have spoken of, in + order to make some inquiries there, a few of the sheep that + happened to be near began to bleat loudly, as if alarmed, and + by and by they came hurrying after me, apparently in a great + state of excitement. I did not mind them much, but presently + a pair of horses, attracted by their bleatings, also seemed + struck at my appearance, and came at a swift gallop to within + twenty yards of me. They were magnificent-looking brutes, + evidently a pair of well-groomed carriage horses, for their + coats, which were of a fine bronze color, sparkled + wonderfully in the sunshine. In other respects they were very + unlike carriage animals, for they had tails reaching to the + ground, like funeral horses, and immense black leonine manes, + which gave them a strikingly bold and somewhat formidable + appearance. For some moments they stood with heads erect, + gazing fixedly at me, and then simultaneously delivered a + snort of defiance or astonishment, so loud and sudden that it + startled me like the report of a gun. This tremendous equine + blast brought yet another enemy on the field in the shape of + a huge milk-white bull with long horns: a very noble kind of + animal, but one which I always prefer to admire from behind a + hedge, or at a distance through a field-glass. Fortunately + his wrathful mutterings gave me timely notice of his + approach, and without waiting to discover his intentions, I + incontinently fled down the slope to the refuge of a grove or + belt of trees clothing the lower portion of the hillside. + Spent and panting from my run, I embraced a big tree, and + turning to face the foe, found that I had not been followed: + sheep, horses, and bull were all grouped together just where + I had left them, apparently holding a consultation, or + comparing notes. + </p> + <p> + The trees where I had sought shelter were old, and grew here + and there, singly or in scattered groups: it was a pretty + wilderness of mingled tree, shrub and flower. I was surprised + to find here some very large and ancient-looking fig-trees, + and numbers of wasps and flies were busy feeding on a few + over-ripe figs on the higher branches. Honey-bees also roamed + about everywhere, extracting sweets from the autumn bloom, + and filling the sunny glades with a soft, monotonous murmur + of sound. Walking on full of happy thoughts and a keen sense + of the sweetness of life pervading me, I presently noticed + that a multitude of small birds were gathering about me, + flitting through the trees overhead and the bushes on either + hand, but always keeping near me, apparently as much excited + at my presence as if I had been a gigantic owl, or some such + unnatural monster. Their increasing numbers and incessant + excited chirping and chattering at first served to amuse, but + in the end began to irritate me. I observed, too, that the + alarm was spreading, and that larger birds, usually shy of + men—pigeons, jays, and magpies, I fancied they + were—now began to make their appearance. Could it be, + thought I with some concern, that I had wandered into some + uninhabited wilderness, to cause so great a commotion among + the little feathered people? I very soon dismissed this as an + idle thought, for one does not find houses, domestic animals, + and fruit-trees in desert places. No, it was simply the + inherent cantankerousness of little birds which caused them + to annoy me. Looking about on the ground for something to + throw at them, I found in the grass a freshly-fallen walnut, + and, breaking the shell, I quickly ate the contents. Never + had anything tasted so pleasant to me before! But it had a + curious effect on me, for, whereas before eating it I had not + felt hungry, I now seemed to be famishing, and began + excitedly searching about for more nuts. They were lying + everywhere in the greatest abundance; for, without knowing + it, I had been walking through a grove composed in large part + of old walnut-trees. Nut after nut was picked up and eagerly + devoured, and I must have eaten four or five dozen before my + ravenous appetite was thoroughly appeased. During this feast + I had paid no attention to the birds, but when my hunger was + over I began again to feel annoyed at their trivial + persecutions, and so continued to gather the fallen nuts to + throw at them. It amused and piqued me at the same time to + see how wide of the mark my missiles went. I could hardly + have hit a haystack at a distance of ten yards. After half an + hour's vigorous practice my right hand began to recover its + lost cunning, and I was at last greatly delighted when of my + nuts went hissing like a bullet through the leaves, not + further than a yard from the wren, or whatever the little + beggar was, I had aimed at. Their Impertinences did not like + this at all; they began to find out that I was a rather + dangerous person to meddle with: their ranks were broken, + they became demoralized and scattered, in all directions, and + I was finally left master of the field. + </p> + <p> + "Dolt that I am," I suddenly exclaimed, "to be fooling away + my time when the nearest railway station or hotel is perhaps + twenty miles away." + </p> + <p> + I hurried on, but when I got to the end of the grove, on the + green sward near some laurel and juniper bushes, I came on an + excavation apparently just made, the loose earth which had + been dug out looking quite fresh and moist. The hole or foss + was narrow, about five feet deep and seven feet long, and + looked, I imagined, curiously like a grave. A few yards away + was a pile of dry brushwood, and some faggots bound together + with ropes of straw, all apparently freshly cut from the + neighboring bushes. As I stood there, wondering what these + things meant, I happened to glance away in the direction of + the house where I intended to call, which was not now visible + owing to an intervening grove of tall trees, and was + surprised to discover a troop of about fifteen persons + advancing along the valley in my direction. Before them + marched a tall white-bearded old man; next came eight men, + bearing a platform on their shoulders with some heavy burden + resting upon it; and behind these followed the others. I + began to think that they were actually carrying a corpse, + with the intention of giving it burial in that very pit + beside which I was standing; and, although it looked most + unlike a funeral, for no person in the procession wore black, + the thought strengthened to a conviction when I became able + to distinguish a recumbent, human-like form in a shroud-like + covering on the platform. It seemed altogether a very unusual + proceeding, and made me feel extremely uncomfortable; so much + so that I considered it prudent to step back behind the + bushes, where I could watch the doings of the processionists + without being observed. + </p> + <p> + Led by the old man—who carried, suspended by thin + chains, a large bronze censer, or brazier rather, which sent + out a thin continuous wreath of smoke—they came + straight on to the pit; and after depositing their burden on + the grass, remained standing for some minutes, apparently to + rest after their walk, all conversing together, but in + subdued tones, so that I could not catch their words, + although standing within fifteen yards of the grave. The + uncoffined corpse, which seemed that of a full-grown man, was + covered with a white cloth, and rested on a thick straw mat, + provided with handles along the sides. On these things, + however, I bestowed but a hasty glance, so profoundly + absorbed had I become in watching the group of living human + beings before me; for they were certainly utterly unlike any + fellow-creatures I had ever encountered before. The old man + was tall and spare, and from his snowy-white majestic beard I + took him to be about seventy years old; but he was straight + as an arrow, and his free movements and elastic tread were + those of a much younger man. His head was adorned with a dark + red skull-cap, and he wore a robe covering the whole body and + reaching to the ankles, of a deep yellow or rhubarb color; + but his long wide sleeves under his robe were dark red, + embroidered with yellow flowers. The other men had no + covering on their heads, and their luxuriant hair, worn to + the shoulders, was, in most cases, very dark. Their garments + were also made in a different fashion, and consisted of a + kilt-like dress, which came half-way to the knees, a pale + yellow shirt fitting tight to the skin, and over it a loose + sleeveless vest. The entire legs were cased in stockings, + curious in pattern and color. The women wore garments + resembling those of the men, but the tight-fitting sleeves + reached only half-way to the elbow, the rest of the arm being + bare; and the outergarment was all in one piece, resembling a + long sleeveless jacket, reaching below the hips. The color of + their dresses varied, but in most cases different shades of + blue and subdued yellow predominated. In all, the stockings + showed deeper and richer shades of color than the other + garments; and in their curiously segmented appearance, and in + the harmonious arrangement of the tints, they seemed to + represent the skins of pythons and other beautifully + variegated serpents. All wore low shoes of an orange-brown + color, fitting closely so as to display the shape of the + foot. + </p> + <p> + From the moment of first seeing them I had had no doubt about + the sex of the tall old leader of the procession, his shining + white beard being as conspicuous at a distance as a shield or + a banner; but looking at the others I was at first puzzled to + know whether the party was composed of men or women, or of + both, so much did they resemble each other in height, in + their smooth faces, and in the length of their hair. On a + closer inspection I noticed the difference of dress of the + sexes; also that the men, if not sterner, had faces at all + events less mild and soft in expression than the women, and + also a slight perceptible down on the cheeks and upper lip. + </p> + <p> + After a first hasty survey of the group in general, I had + eyes for only one person in it—a fine graceful girl + about fourteen years old, and the youngest by far of the + party. A description of this girl will give some idea, albeit + a very poor one, of the faces and general appearance of this + strange people I had stumbled on. Her dress, if a garment so + brief can be called a dress, showed a slaty-blue pattern on a + straw-colored ground, while her stockings were darker shades + of the same colors. Her eyes, at the distance I stood from + her, appeared black, or nearly black, but when seen closely + they proved to be green—a wonderfully pure, tender + sea-green; and the others, I found, had eyes of the same hue. + Her hair fell to her shoulders; but it was very wavy or + curly, and strayed in small tendril-like tresses over her + neck, forehead and cheeks; in color it was golden + black—that is, black in shade, but when touched with + sunlight every hair became a thread of shining red-gold; and + in some lights it looked like raven-black hair powdered with + gold-dust. As to her features, the forehead was broader and + lower, the nose larger, and the lips more slender, than in + our most beautiful female types. The color was also + different, the delicately molded mouth being purple-red + instead of the approved cherry or coral hue; while the + complexion was a clear dark, and the color, which mantled the + cheeks in moments of excitement, was a dim or dusky rather + than a rosy red. + </p> + <p> + The exquisite form and face of this young girl, from the + first moment of seeing her, produced a very deep impression; + and I continued watching her every movement and gesture with + an intense, even a passionate interest. She had a quantity of + flowers in her hand; but these sweet emblems, I observed, + were all gayly colored, which seemed strange, for in most + places white flowers are used in funeral ceremonies. Some of + the men who had followed the body carried in their hands + broad, three-cornered bronze shovels, with short black + handles, and these they had dropped upon the grass on + arriving at the grave. Presently the old man stooped and drew + the covering back from the dead one's face—a rigid, + marble-white face set in a loose mass of black hair. The + others gathered round, and some standing, others kneeling, + bent on the still countenance before them a long earnest + gaze, as if taking an eternal farewell of one they had deeply + loved. At this moment the the beautiful girl I have described + all at once threw herself with a sobbing cry on her knees + before the corpse, and, stooping, kissed the face with + passionate grief. "Oh, my beloved, must we now leave you + alone forever!" she cried between the sobs that shook her + whole frame. "Oh, my love—my love—my love, will + you come back to us no more!" + </p> + <p> + The others all appeared deeply affected at her grief, and + presently a young man standing by raised her from the ground + and drew her gently against his side, where for some minutes + she continued convulsively weeping. Some of the other men now + passed ropes through the handles of the straw mat on which + the corpse rested, and raising it from the platform lowered + it into the foss. Each person in turn then advanced and + dropped some flowers into the grave, uttering the one word + "Farewell" as they did so; after which the loose earth was + shoveled in with the bronze implements. Over the mound the + hurdle on which the straw mat had rested was then placed, the + dry brushwood and faggots heaped over it and ignited with a + coal from the brazier. White smoke and crackling flames + issued anon from the pile, and in a few moments the whole was + in a fierce blaze. + </p> + <p> + Standing around they all waited in silence until the fire had + burnt itself out; then the old man advancing stretched his + arms above the white and still smoking ashes and cried in a + loud voice: "Farewell forever, O well beloved son! With deep + sorrow and tears we have given you back to Earth; but not + until she has made the sweet grass and flowers grow again on + this spot, scorched and made desolate with fire, shall our + hearts be healed of their wound and forget their grief." + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 2 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + The thrilling, pathetic tone in which these words were + uttered affected me not a little; and when the ceremony was + over I continued staring vacantly at the speaker, ignorant of + the fact that the beautiful young girl had her wide-open, + startled eyes fixed on the bush which, I vainly imagined, + concealed me from view. + </p> + <p> + All at once she cried out: "Oh, father, look there! Who is + that strange-looking man watching us from behind the bushes?" + </p> + <p> + They all turned, and then I felt that fourteen or fifteen + pairs of very keen eyes were on me, seeing me very plainly + indeed, for in my curiosity and excitement I had come out + from the thicker bushes to place myself behind a ragged, + almost leafless shrub, which afforded the merest apology for + a shelter. Putting a bold face on the matter, although I did + not feel very easy, I came out and advanced to them, removing + my battered old hat on the way, and bowing repeatedly to the + assembled company. My courteous salutation was not returned; + but all, with increasing astonishment pictured on their + faces, continued staring at me as if they were looking on + some grotesque apparition. Thinking it best to give an + account of myself at once, and to apologize for intruding on + their mysteries, I addressed myself to the old man: + </p> + <p> + "I really beg your pardon," I said, "for having disturbed you + at such an inconvenient time, and while you are engaged in + these—these solemn rites; but I assure you, sir, it has + been quite accidental. I happened to be walking here when I + saw you coming, and thought it best to step out of the way + until—well, until the funeral was over. The fact is, I + met with a serious accident in the mountains over there. I + fell down into a ravine, and a great heap of earth and stones + fell on and stunned me, and I do not know how long I lay + there before I recovered my senses. I daresay I am + trespassing, but I am a perfect stranger here, and quite + lost, and—and perhaps a little confused after my fall, + and perhaps you will kindly tell me where to go to get some + refreshment, and find out where I am." + </p> + <p> + "Your story is a very strange one," said the old man in + reply, after a pause of considerable duration. "That you are + a perfect stranger in this place is evident from your + appearance, your uncouth dress, and your thick speech." + </p> + <p> + His words made me blush hotly, although I should not have + minded his very personal remarks much if that beautiful girl + had not been standing there listening to everything. My + <i>uncouth</i> garments, by the way, were made by a + fashionable West End tailor, and fitted me perfectly, + although just now they were, of course, very dirty. It was + also a surprise to hear that I had a <i>thick speech</i>, + since I had always been considered a remarkably clear speaker + and good singer, and had frequently both sung and recited in + public, at amateur entertainments. + </p> + <p> + After a distressing interval of silence, during which they + all continued regarding me with unabated curiosity, the old + gentleman condescended to address me again and asked me my + name and country. + </p> + <p> + "My country," said I, with the natural pride of a Briton, "is + England, and my name is Smith." + </p> + <p> + "No such country is known to me," he returned; "nor have I + ever heard such a name as yours." + </p> + <p> + I was rather taken aback at his words, and yet did not just + then by any means realize their full import. I was thinking + only about my name; for without having penetrated into any + perfectly savage country, I had been about the world a great + deal for a young man, visiting the Colonies, India, Yokohama, + and other distant places, and I had never yet been told that + the name of Smith was an unfamiliar one. + </p> + <p> + "I hardly know what to say," I returned, for he was evidently + waiting for me to add something more to what I had stated. + "It rather staggers me to hear that my name-well, you have + not heard of <i>me</i>, of course, but there have been a + great many distinguished men of the same name: Sydney Smith, + for instance, and—and several others." It mortified me + just then to find that I had forgotten all the other + distinguished Smiths. + </p> + <p> + He shook his head, and continued watching my face. + </p> + <p> + "Not heard of them!" I exclaimed. "Well, I suppose you have + heard of some of my great countrymen: Beaconsfield, + Gladstone, Darwin, Burne-Jones, Ruskin, Queen Victoria, + Tennyson, George Eliot, Herbert Spencer, General Gordon, Lord + Randolph Churchill—" + </p> + <p> + As he continued to shake his head after each name I at length + paused. + </p> + <p> + "Who are all these people you have named?" he asked. + </p> + <p> + "They are all great and illustrious men and women who have a + world-wide reputation," I answered. + </p> + <p> + "And are there no more of them—have you told me the + names of <i>all</i> the great people you have ever known or + heard of?" he said, with a curious smile. + </p> + <p> + "No, indeed," I answered, nettled at his words and manner. + "It would take me until to-morrow to name <i>all</i> the + great men I have ever heard of. I suppose you have heard the + names of Napoleon, Wellington, Nelson, Dante, Luther, Calvin, + Bismarck, Voltaire?" + </p> + <p> + He still shook his head. + </p> + <p> + "Well, then," I continued, "Homer, Socrates, Alexander the + Great, Confucius, Zoroaster, Plato, Shakespeare." Then, + growing thoroughly desperate, I added in a burst: "Noah, + Moses, Columbus, Hannibal, Adam and Eve!" + </p> + <p> + "I am quite sure that I have never heard of any of these + names," he answered, still with that curious smile. + "Nevertheless I can understand your surprise. It sometimes + happens that the mind, owing an an imperfect adjustment of + its faculties, resembles the uneducated vision in its method + of judgment, regarding the things which are near as great and + important, and those further away as less important, + according to their distance. In such a case the individuals + one hears about or associates with, come to be looked upon as + the great and illustrious beings of the world, and all men in + all places are expected to be familiar with their names. But + come, my children, our sorrowful task is over, let us now + return to the house. Come with us, Smith, and you shall have + the refreshment you require." + </p> + <p> + I was, of course, pleased with the invitation, but did not + relish being addressed as "Smith," like some mere laborer or + other common person tramping about the country. + </p> + <p> + The long disconcerting scrutiny I had been subjected to had + naturally made me very uncomfortable, and caused me to drop a + little behind the others as we walked towards the house. The + old man, however, still kept at my side; but whether from + motives of courtesy, or because he wished to badger me a + little more about my uncouth appearance and defective + intellect, I was not sure. I was not anxious to continue the + conversation, which had not proved very satisfactory; + moreover, the beautiful girl I have already mentioned so + frequently, was now walking just before me, hand in hand with + the young man who had raised her from the ground. I was + absorbed in admiration of her graceful figure, + and—shall I be forgiven for mentioning such a + detail?—her exquisitely rounded legs under her brief + and beautiful garments. To my mind the garment was quite long + enough. Every time I spoke, for my companion still maintained + the conversation and I was obliged to reply, she hung back a + little to catch my words. At such times she would also turn + her pretty head partially round so as to see me: then her + glances, beginning at my face, would wander down to my legs, + and her lips would twitch and curl a little, seeming to + express disgust and amusement at the same time. I was + beginning to hate my legs, or rather my trousers, for I + considered that under them I had as good a pair of calves as + any man in the company. + </p> + <p> + Presently I thought of something to say, something very + simple, which my dignified old friend would be able to answer + without intimating that he considered me a wild man of the + woods or an escaped lunatic. + </p> + <p> + "Can you tell me," I said pleasantly, "what is the name of + your nearest town or city? how far it is from this place, and + how I can get there?" + </p> + <p> + At this question, or series of questions, the young girl + turned quite round, and, waiting until I was even with her, + she continued her walk at my side, although still holding her + companion's hand. + </p> + <p> + The old man looked at me with a grave smile—that smile + was fast becoming intolerable—and said: "Are you so + fond of honey, Smith? You shall have as much as you require + without disturbing the bees. They are now taking advantage of + this second spring to lay by a sufficient provision before + winter sets in." + </p> + <p> + After pondering some time over these enigmatical words, I + said: "I daresay we are at cross purposes again. I mean," I + added hurriedly, seeing the inquiring look on his face, "that + we do not exactly understand each other, for the subject of + honey was not in my thoughts." + </p> + <p> + "What, then, do you mean by a city?" he asked. + </p> + <p> + "What do I mean? Why, a city, I take it, is nothing more than + a collection or congeries of houses—hundreds and + thousands, or hundreds <i>of</i> thousands of houses, all + built close together, where one can live very comfortably for + years without seeing a blade of grass." + </p> + <p> + "I am afraid," he returned, "that the accident you met with + in the mountains must have caused some injury to your brain; + for I cannot in any other way account for these strange + fantasies." + </p> + <p> + "Do you mean seriously to tell me, sir, that you have never + even heard of the existence of a city, where millions of + human beings live crowded together in a small space? Of + course I mean a small space comparatively; for in some cities + you might walk all day without getting into the fields; and a + city like that might be compared to a beehive so large that a + bee might fly in a straight line all day without getting out + of it." + </p> + <p> + It struck me the moment I finished speaking that this + comparison was not quite right somehow; but he did not ask me + to explain: he had evidently ceased to pay any attention to + what I said. The girl looked at me with an expression of + pity, not to say contempt, and I felt at the same time + ashamed and vexed. This served to rouse a kind of dogged + spirit in me, and I returned to the subject once more. + </p> + <p> + "Surely," I said, "you have heard of such cities as Paris, + Vienna, Rome, Athens, Babylon, Jerusalem?" + </p> + <p> + He only shook his head, and walked on in silence. + </p> + <p> + "And London! London is the capital of England. Why," I + exclaimed, beginning to see light, and wondering at myself + for not having seen it sooner, "you are at present talking to + me in the English language." + </p> + <p> + "I fail to understand your meaning, and am even inclined to + doubt that you have any," said he, a little ruffled. "I am + addressing you in the language of human beings—that is + all." + </p> + <p> + "Well, it seems awfully puzzling," said I; "but I hope you + don't think I have been indulging in—well, + tarradiddles." Then, seeing that I was making matters no + clearer, I added: "I mean that I have not been telling + untruths." + </p> + <p> + "I could not think that," he answered sternly. "It would + indeed be a clouded mind which could mistake mere disordered + fancies for willful offenses against the truth. I have no + doubt that when you have recovered from the effects of your + late accident these vain thoughts and imaginations will cease + to trouble you." + </p> + <p> + "And in the meantime, perhaps, I had better say as little as + possible," said I, with considerable temper. "At present we + do not seem able to understand each other at all." + </p> + <p> + "You are right, we do not," he said; and then added with a + grave smile, "although I must allow that this last remark of + yours is quite intelligible." + </p> + <p> + "I'm glad of that," I returned. "It is distressing to talk + and not to be understood; it is like men calling to each + other in a high wind, hearing voices but not able to + distinguish words." + </p> + <p> + "Again I understand you," said he approvingly; while the + beautiful girl bestowed on me the coveted reward of a smile, + which had no pity or contempt in it. + </p> + <p> + "I think," I continued, determined to follow up this new + train of ideas on which I had so luckily stumbled, "that we + are not so far apart in mind after all. About some things we + stand quite away from each other, like the widely diverging + branches of a tree; but, like the branches, we have a + meeting-place, and this is, I fancy, in that part of our + nature where our feelings are. My accident in the hills has + not disarranged that part of me, I am sure, and I can give + you an instance. A little while ago when I was standing + behind the bushes watching you all, I saw this young + lady——" + </p> + <p> + Here a look of surprise and inquiry from the girl warned me + that I was once more plunging into obscurity. + </p> + <p> + "When I saw <i>you</i>," I continued, somewhat amused at her + manner, "cast yourself on the earth to kiss the cold face of + one you had loved in life, I felt the tears of sympathy come + to my own eyes." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, how strange!" she exclaimed, flashing on me a glance + from her green, mysterious eyes; and then, to increase my + wonder and delight, she deliberately placed her hand in mine. + </p> + <p> + "And yet not strange," said the old man, by way of comment on + her words. + </p> + <p> + "It seemed strange to Yoletta that one so unlike us outwardly + should be so like us in heart," remarked the young man at her + side. + </p> + <p> + There was something about this speech which I did not + altogether like, though I could not detect anything like + sarcasm in the tone of the speaker. + </p> + <p> + "And yet," continued the lovely girl, "you never saw him + living—never heard his sweet voice, which still seems + to come back to me like a melody from the distance." + </p> + <p> + "Was he your father?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + The question seemed to surprise her very much. "<i>He</i> is + our father," she returned, with a glance at the old + gentleman, which seemed strange, for he certainly looked aged + enough to be her great-grandfather. + </p> + <p> + He smiled and said: "You forget, my daughter, that I am as + little known to this stranger to our country as all the great + and illustrious personages he has mentioned are to us." + </p> + <p> + At this point I began to lose interest in the conversation. + It was enough for me to feel that I held that precious hand + in mine, and presently I felt tempted to administer a gentle + squeeze. She looked at me and smiled, then glanced over my + whole person, the survey finishing at my boots, which seemed + to have a disagreeable fascination for her. She shivered + slightly, and withdrew her hand from mine, and in my heart I + cursed those rusty, thick-soled monstrosities in which my + feet were cased. However, we were all on a better footing + now; and I resolved for the future to avoid all dangerous + topics, historical and geographical, and confine myself to + subjects relating to the emotional side of our natures. + </p> + <p> + At the end our way to the house was over a green turf, among + great trees as in a park; and as there was no road or path, + the first sight of the building seen near, when we emerged + from the trees, came as a surprise. There were no gardens, + lawns, inclosures or hedges near it, nor cultivation of any + kind. It was like a wilderness, and the house produced the + effect of a noble ruin. It was a hilly stone country where + masses of stone cropped out here and there among the woods + and on the green slopes, and it appeared that the house had + been raised on the natural foundation of one of these rocks + standing a little above the river that flowed behind it. The + stone was gray, tinged with red, and the whole rock, covering + an acre or so of ground, had been worn or hewn down to form a + vast platform which stood about a dozen feet above the + surrounding green level. The sloping and buttressed sides of + the platform were clothed with ivy, wild shrubs, and various + flowering plants. Broad, shallow steps led up to the house, + which was all of the same material—reddish-gray stone; + and the main entrance was beneath a lofty portico, the + sculptured entablature of which was supported by sixteen huge + caryatides, standing on round massive pedestals. The building + was not high as a castle or cathedral; it was a + dwelling-place, and had but one floor, and resembled a ruin + to my eyes because of the extreme antiquity of its + appearance, the weather-worn condition and massiveness of the + sculptured surfaces, and the masses of ancient ivy covering + it in places. On the central portion of the building rested a + great dome-shaped roof, resembling ground glass of a pale + reddish tint, producing the effect of a cloud resting on the + stony summit of a hill. + </p> + <p> + I remained standing on the grass about thirty yards from the + first steps after the others had gone in, all but the old + gentleman, who still kept with me. By-and-by, withdrawing to + a stone bench under an oak-tree, he motioned to me to take a + seat by his side. He said nothing, but appeared to be quietly + enjoying my undisguised surprise and admiration. + </p> + <p> + "A noble mansion!" I remarked at length to my venerable host, + feeling, Englishman-like, a sudden great access of respect + towards the owner of a big house. Men in such a position can + afford to be as eccentric as they like, even to the wearing + of Carnivalesque garments, burying their friends or relations + in a park, and shaking their heads over such names as Smith + or Shakespeare. "A glorious place! It must have cost a pot of + money, and taken a long time to build." + </p> + <p> + "What you mean by <i>a pot of money</i> I do not know," said + he. "When you add <i>a long time to build</i>, I am also + puzzled to understand you. For are not all houses, like the + forest of trees, the human race, the world we live in, + eternal?" + </p> + <p> + "If they stand forever they are so in one sense, I suppose," + I answered, beginning to fear that I had already + unfortunately broken the rule I had so recently laid down for + my own guidance. "But the trees of the forest, to which you + compare a house, spring from seed, do they not? and so have a + beginning. Their end also, like the end of man, is to die and + return to the dust." + </p> + <p> + "That is true," he returned; "it is, moreover, a truth which + I do not now hear for the first time; but it has no + connection with the subject we are discussing. Men pass away, + and others take their places. Trees also decay, but the + forest does not die, or suffer for the loss of individual + trees; is it not the same with the house and the family + inhabiting it, which is one with the house, and endures + forever, albeit the members composing it must all in time + return to the dust?" + </p> + <p> + "Is there no decay, then, of the materials composing a + house?" + </p> + <p> + "Assuredly there is! Even the hardest stone is worn in time + by the elements, or by the footsteps of many generations of + men; but the stone that decays is removed, and the house does + not suffer." + </p> + <p> + "I have never looked at it quite in this light before," said + I. "But surely we can build a house whenever we wish!" + </p> + <p> + "Build a house whenever we wish!" he repeated, with that + astonished look which threatened to become the permanent + expression of his face—so long as he had me to talk + with, at any rate. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, or pull one down if we find it unsuitable—" But + his look of horror here made me pause, and to finish the + sentence I added: "Of course, you must admit that a house had + a beginning?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; and so had the forest, the mountain, the human race, + the world itself. But the origin of all these things is + covered with the mists of time." + </p> + <p> + "Does it never happen, then, that a house, however + substantially built—" + </p> + <p> + "However what! But never mind; you continue to speak in + riddles. Pray, finish what you were saying." + </p> + <p> + "Does it never happen that a house is overthrown by some + natural force—by floods, or subsidence of the earth, or + is destroyed by lightning or fire?" + </p> + <p> + "No!" he answered, with such tremendous emphasis that he + almost made me jump from my seat. "Are you alone so ignorant + of these things that you speak of building and of pulling + down a house?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, I fancied I knew a lot of things once," I answered, + with a sigh. "But perhaps I was mistaken—people often + are. I should like to hear you say something more about all + these things—I mean about the house and the family, and + the rest of it." + </p> + <p> + "Are you not, then, able to read—have you been taught + absolutely nothing?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh yes, certainly I can read," I answered, joyfully seizing + at once on the suggestion, which seemed to open a simple, + pleasant way of escape from the difficulty. "I am by no means + a studious person; perhaps I am never so happy as when I have + nothing to read. Nevertheless, I do occasionally look into + books, and greatly appreciate their gentle, kindly ways. They + never shut themselves up with a sound like a slap, or throw + themselves at your head for a duffer, but seem silently + grateful for being read, even by a stupid person, and teach + you very patiently, like a pretty, meek-spirited young girl." + </p> + <p> + "I am very pleased to hear it," said he. "You shall read and + learn all these things for yourself, which is the best + method. Or perhaps I ought rather to say, you shall by + reading recall them to your mind, for it is impossible to + believe that it has always been in its present pitiable + condition. I can only attribute such a mental state, with its + disordered fancies about cities, or immense hives of human + beings, and other things equally frightful to contemplate, + and its absolute vacancy concerning ordinary matters of + knowledge, to the grave accident you met with in the hills. + Doubtless in falling your head was struck and injured by a + stone. Let us hope that you will soon recover possession of + your memory and other faculties. And now let us repair to the + eating-room, for it is best to refresh the body first, and + the mind afterwards." + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 3 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + We ascended the steps, and passing through the portico went + into the hall by what seemed to me a doorless way. It was not + really so, as I discovered later; the doors, of which there + were several, some of colored glass, others of some other + material, were simply thrust back into receptacles within the + wall itself, which was five or six feet thick. The hall was + the noblest I had ever seen; it had a stone and bronze + fireplace some twenty or thirty feet long on one side, and + several tall arched doorways on the other. The spaces between + the doors were covered with sculpture, its material being a + blue-gray stone combined or inlaid with a yellow metal, the + effect being indescribably rich. The floor was mosaic of many + dark colors, but with no definite pattern, and the concave + roof was deep red in color. Though beautiful, it was somewhat + somber, as the light was not strong. At all events, that is + how it struck me at first on coming in from the bright + sunlight. Nor, it appeared, was I alone in experiencing such + a feeling. As soon as we were inside, the old gentleman, + removing his cap and passing his thin fingers through his + white hair, looked around him, and addressing some of the + others, who were bringing in small round tables and placing + them about the hall, said: "No, no; let us sup this evening + where we can look at the sky." + </p> + <p> + The tables were immediately taken away. + </p> + <p> + Now some of those who were in the hall or who came in with + the tables had not attended the funeral, and these were all + astonished on seeing me. They did not stare at me, but I, of + course, saw the expression on their faces, and noticed that + the others who had made my acquaintance at the grave-side + whispered in their ears to explain my presence. This made me + extremely uncomfortable, and it was a relief when they began + to go out again. + </p> + <p> + One of the men was seated near me; he was of those who had + assisted in carrying the corpse, and he now turned to me and + remarked: "You have been a long time in the open air, and + probably feel the change as much as we do." + </p> + <p> + I assented, and he rose and walked away to the far end of the + hall, where a great door stood facing the one by which we had + entered. From the spot where I was—a distance of forty + or fifty feet, perhaps—this door appeared to be of + polished slate of a very dark gray, its surface ornamented + with very large horse-chestnut leaves of brass or copper, or + both, for they varied in shade from bright yellow to deepest + copper-red. It was a double door with agate handles, and, + first pressing on one handle, then on the other, he thrust it + back into the walls on either side, revealing a new thing of + beauty to my eyes, for behind the vanished door was a window, + the sight of which came suddenly before me like a celestial + vision. Sunshine, wind, cloud and rain had evidently inspired + the artist who designed it, but I did not at the time + understand the meaning of the symbolic figures appearing in + the picture. Below, with loosened dark golden-red hair and + amber-colored garments fluttering in the wind, stood a + graceful female figure on the summit of a gray rock; over the + rock, and as high as her knees, slanted the thin branches of + some mountain shrub, the strong wind even now stripping them + of their remaining yellow and russet leaves, whirling them + aloft and away. Round the woman's head was a garland of ivy + leaves, and she was gazing aloft with expectant face, + stretching up her arms, as if to implore or receive some + precious gift from the sky. Above, against the slaty-gray + cloud-wrack, four exquisite slender girl-forms appeared, with + loose hair, silver-gray drapery and gauzy wings as of + ephemerae, flying in pursuit of the cloud. Each carried a + quantity of flowers, shaped like lilies, in her dress, held + up with the left hand; one carried red lilies, another + yellow, the third violet, and the last blue; and the gauzy + wings and drapery of each was also touched in places with the + same hue as the flowers she carried. Looking back in their + flight they were all with the disengaged hand throwing down + lilies to the standing figure. + </p> + <p> + This lovely window gave a fresh charm to the whole apartment, + while the sunlight falling through it served also to reveal + other beauties which I had not observed. One that quickly + drew and absorbed my attention was a piece of statuary on the + floor at some distance from me, and going to it I stood for + some time gazing on it in the greatest delight. It was a + statue about one-third the size of life, of a young woman + seated on a white bull with golden horns. She had a graceful + figure and beautiful countenance; the face, arms and feet + were alabaster, the flesh tinted, but with colors more + delicate than in nature. On her arms were broad golden + armlets, and the drapery, a long flowing robe, was blue, + embroidered with yellow flowers. A stringed instrument rested + on her knee, and she was represented playing and singing. The + bull, with lowered horns, appeared walking; about his chest + hung a garland of flowers mingled with ears of yellow corn, + oak, ivy, and various other leaves, green and russet, and + acorns and crimson berries. The garland and blue dress were + made of malachite, <i>lapis lazuli</i>, and various precious + stones. + </p> + <p> + "Aha, my fair Phoenician, I know you well!" thought I + exultingly, "though I never saw you before with a harp in + your hand. But were you not gathering flowers, O lovely + daughter of Agenor, when that celestial animal, that + masquerading god, put himself so cunningly in your way to be + admired and caressed, until you unsuspiciously placed + yourself on his back? That explains the garland. I shall have + a word to say about this pretty thing to my learned and very + superior host." + </p> + <p> + The statue stood on an octagonal pedestal of a highly + polished slaty-gray stone, and on each of its eight faces was + a picture in which one human figure appeared. Now, from + gazing on the statue itself I fell to contemplating one of + these pictures with a very keen interest, for the figure, I + recognized, was a portrait of the beautiful girl Yoletta. The + picture was a winter landscape. The earth was white, not with + snow, but with hoar frost; the distant trees, clothed by the + frozen moisture as if with a feathery foliage, looked misty + against the whitey-blue wintry sky. In the foreground, on the + pale frosted grass, stood the girl, in a dark maroon dress, + with silver embroidery on the bosom, and a dark red cap on + her head. Close to her drooped the slender terminal twigs of + a tree, sparkling with rime and icicle, and on the twigs were + several small snow-white birds, hopping and fluttering down + towards her outstretched hand; while she gazed up at them + with flushed cheeks, and lips parting with a bright, joyous + smile. + </p> + <p> + Presently, while I stood admiring this most lovely work, the + young man I have mentioned as having raised Yoletta from the + ground at the grave came to my side and remarked, smiling: + "You have noticed the resemblance." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, indeed," I returned; "she is painted to the life." + </p> + <p> + "This is not Yoletta's portrait," he replied, "though it is + very like her;" and then, when I looked at him incredulously, + he pointed to some letters under the picture, saying: "Do you + not see the name and date?" + </p> + <p> + Finding that I could not read the words, I hazarded the + remark that it was Yoletta's mother, perhaps. + </p> + <p> + "This portrait was painted four centuries ago," he said, with + surprise in his accent; and then he turned aside, thinking + me, perhaps, a rather dull and ignorant person. + </p> + <p> + I did not want him to go away with that impression, and + remarked, pointing to the statue I have spoken of: "I fancy I + know very well who that is—that is Europa." + </p> + <p> + "Europa? That is a name I never heard; I doubt that any one + in the house ever bore it." Then, with a half-puzzled smile, + he added: "How could you possibly know unless you were told? + No, that is Mistrelde. It was formerly the custom of the + house for the Mother to ride on a white bull at the harvest + festival. Mistrelde was the last to observe it." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I see," I returned lamely, though I didn't see at all. + The indifferent way in which he spoke of <i>centuries</i> in + connection with this brilliant and apparently fresh-painted + picture rather took me aback. + </p> + <p> + Presently he condescended to say something more. Pointing to + the marks or characters which I could not read, he said: "You + have seen the name of Yoletta here, and that and the + resemblance misled you. You must know that there has always + been a Yoletta in this house. This was the daughter of + Mistrelde, the Mother, who died young and left but eight + children; and when this work was made their portraits were + placed on the eight faces of the pedestal." + </p> + <p> + "Thanks for telling me," I said, wondering if it was all + true, or only a fantastic romance. + </p> + <p> + He then motioned me to follow him, and we quitted that room + where it had been decided that we were not to sup. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 4 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + We came to a large portico-like place open on three sides to + the air, the roof being supported by slender columns. We were + now on the opposite side of the house and looked upon the + river, which was not more than a couple of hundred yards from + the terrace or platform on which it stood. The ground here + sloped rapidly to the banks, and, like that in the front, was + a wilderness with rock and patches of tall fern and thickets + of thorn and bramble, with a few trees of great size. Nor was + wild life wanting in this natural park; some deer were + feeding near the bank, while on the water numbers of wild + duck and other water-fowl were disporting themselves, + splashing and flapping over the surface and uttering shrill + cries. + </p> + <p> + The people of the house were already assembled, standing and + sitting by the small tables. There was a lively hum of + conversation, which ceased on my entrance; then those who + were sitting stood up and the whole company fixed its eyes on + me, which was rather disconcerting. + </p> + <p> + The old gentleman, standing in the midst of the people, now + bent on me a long, scrutinizing gaze; he appeared to be + waiting for me to speak, and, finding that I remained silent, + he finally addressed me with solemnity. "Smith," he + said—and I did not like it—"the meeting with you + today was to me and to all of us a very strange experience: I + little thought that an even stranger one awaited me, that + before you break bread in this house in which you have found + shelter, I should have to remind you that you are now in a + house." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I know I am," I said, and then added: "I'm sure, sir, I + appreciate your kindness in bringing me here." + </p> + <p> + He had perhaps expected something more or something entirely + different from me, as he continued standing with his eyes + fixed on me. Then with a sigh, and looking round him, he said + in a dissatisfied tone: "My children, let us begin, and for + the present put out of our minds this matter which has been + troubling us." + </p> + <p> + He then motioned me to a seat at his own table, where I was + pleased to have a place since the lovely Yoletta was also + there. + </p> + <p> + I am not particular about what I eat, as with me good + digestion waits on appetite, and so long as I get a + bellyful—to use a good old English word—I am + satisfied. On this particular occasion, with or without a + pretty girl at the table, I could have consumed a + haggis—that greatest abomination ever invented by + flesh-eating barbarians—I was so desperately hungry. It + was therefore a disappointment when nothing more substantial + than a plate of whitey-green, crisp-looking stuff resembling + endive, was placed before me by one of the picturesque + handmaidens. It was cold and somewhat bitter to the taste, + but hunger compelled me to eat it even to the last green + leaf; then, when I began to wonder if it would be right to + ask for more, to my great relief other more succulent dishes + followed, composed of various vegetables. We also had some + pleasant drinks, made, I suppose, from the juices of fruits, + but the delicious alcoholic sting was not in them. We had + fruits, too, of unfamiliar flavors, and a confection of + crushed nuts and honey. + </p> + <p> + We sat at table—or tables—a long time, and the + meal was enlivened with conversation; for all now appeared in + a cheerful frame of mind, notwithstanding the melancholy + event which had occupied them during the day. It was, in + fact, a kind of supper, and the one great meal of the day: + the only other meals being a breakfast, and at noon a crust + of brown bread, a handful of dried fruit, and drink of milk. + </p> + <p> + At the conclusion of the repast, during which I had been too + much occupied to take notice of everything that passed, I + observed that a number of small birds had flown in, and were + briskly hopping over the floor and tables, also perching + quite fearlessly on the heads or shoulders of the company, + and that they were being fed with the fragments. I took them + to be sparrows and things of that kind, but they did not look + altogether familiar to me. One little fellow, most lively in + his motions, was remarkably like my old friend the robin, + only the bosom was more vivid, running almost into orange, + and the wings and tail were tipped with the same hue, giving + it quite a distinguished appearance. Another small + olive-green bird, which I at first took for a green linnet, + was even prettier, the throat and bosom being of a most + delicate buff, crossed with a belt of velvet black. The bird + that really seemed most like a common sparrow was chestnut, + with a white throat and mouse-colored wings and tail. These + pretty little pensioners systematically avoided my + neighborhood, although I tempted them with crumbs and fruit; + only one flew onto my table, but had no sooner done so than + it darted away again, and out of the room, as if greatly + alarmed. I caught the pretty girl's eye just then, and having + finished eating, and being anxious to join the conversation, + for I hate to sit silent when others are talking. I remarked + that it was strange the little birds so persistently avoided + me. + </p> + <p> + "Oh no, not at all strange," she replied, with surprising + readiness, showing that she too had noticed it. "They are + frightened at your appearance." + </p> + <p> + "I must indeed appear strange to them," said I, with some + bitterness, and recalling the adventures of the morning. "It + is to me a new and very painful experience to walk about the + world frightening men, cattle, and birds; yet I suppose it is + entirely due to the clothes I am wearing—and the boots. + I wish some kind person would suggest a remedy for this state + of things; for just now my greatest desire is to be dressed + in accordance with the fashion." + </p> + <p> + "Allow me to interrupt you for one moment, Smith," said the + old gentleman, who had been listening attentively to my + words. "We understood what you said so well on this occasion + that it seems a pity you should suddenly again render + yourself unintelligible. Can you explain to us what you mean + by dressing in accordance with the fashion?" + </p> + <p> + "My meaning is, that I simply desire to dress like one of + yourselves, to see the last of these <i>uncouth</i> + garments." I could not help putting a little vicious emphasis + on that hateful word. + </p> + <p> + He inclined his head and said, "Yes?" + </p> + <p> + Thus encouraged, I dashed boldly into the middle of matter; + for now, having dined, albeit without wine, I was inflamed + with an intense craving to see myself arrayed in their rich, + mysterious dress. "This being so," I continued, "may I ask + you if it is in your power to provide me with the necessary + garments, so that I may cease to be an object of aversion and + offense to every living thing and person, myself included?" + </p> + <p> + A long and uncomfortable silence ensued, which was perhaps + not strange, considering the nature of the request. That I + had blundered once more seemed likely enough, from the + general suspense and the somewhat alarmed expression of the + old gentleman's countenance; nevertheless, my motives had + been good: I had expressed my wish in that way for the sake + of peace and quietness, and fearing that if I had asked to be + directed to the nearest clothing establishment, a new fit of + amazement would have been the result. + </p> + <p> + Finding the silence intolerable, I at length ventured to + remark that I feared he had not understood me to the end. + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps not," he answered gravely. "Or, rather let me say, I + hope not." + </p> + <p> + "May I explain my meaning?" said I, greatly distressed. + </p> + <p> + "Assuredly you may," he replied with dignity. "Only before + you speak, let me put this plain question to you: Do you ask + us to provide you with garments—that is to say, to + bestow them as a gift on you?" + </p> + <p> + "Certainly not!" I exclaimed, turning crimson with shame to + think that they were all taking me for a beggar. "My wish is + to obtain them somehow from somebody, since I cannot make + them for myself, and to give in return their full value." + </p> + <p> + I had no sooner spoken than I greatly feared that I had made + matters worse; for here was I, a guest in the house, actually + offering to purchase clothing—ready-made or to to + order—from my host, who, for all I knew, might be one + of the aristocracy of the country. My fears, however, proved + quite groundless. + </p> + <p> + "I am glad to hear your explanation," he answered, "for it + has completely removed the unpleasant impression caused by + your former words. What can you do in return for the garments + you are anxious to possess? And here, let me remark, I + approve highly of your wish to escape, with the least + possible delay, from your present covering. Do you wish to + confine yourself to the finishing of some work in a + particular line—as wood-carving, or stone, metal, clay + or glass work; or in making or using colors? or have you only + that general knowledge of the various arts which would enable + you to assist the more skilled in preparing materials?" + </p> + <p> + "No, I am not an artist," I replied, surprised at his + question. "All I can do is to buy the clothes—to pay + for them in money." + </p> + <p> + "What do you mean by that? What is money?" + </p> + <p> + "Surely——" I began, but fortunately checked + myself in time, for I had meant to suggest that he was + pulling my leg. But it was really hard to believe that a + person of his years did not know what money was. Besides, I + could not answer the question, having always abhorred the + study of political economy, which tells you all about it; so + that I had never learned to define money, but only how to + spend it. Presently I thought the best way out of the muddle + was to show him some, and I accordingly pulled out my big + leather book-purse from my breast pocket. It had an ancient, + musty smell, like everything else about me, but seemed pretty + heavy and well-filled, and I proceeded to open it and turn + the contents on the table. Eleven bright sovereigns and three + half-crowns or florins, I forget which, rolled out; then, + unfolding the papers, I discovered three five-pound Bank of + England notes. + </p> + <p> + "Surely this is very little for me to have about me!" said I, + feeling greatly disappointed. "I fancy I must have been + making ducks and drakes of a lot of cash + before—before—well, before I was—I don't + know what, or when, or where." + </p> + <p> + Little notice was taken of this somewhat incoherent speech, + for all were now gathering round the table, examining the + gold and notes with eager curiosity. At length the old + gentleman, pointing to the gold pieces, said: "What are + these?" + </p> + <p> + "Sovereigns," I answered, not a little amused. "Have you + never seen any like them before?" + </p> + <p> + "Never. Let me examine them again. Yes, these eleven are of + gold. They are all marked alike, on one side with a + roughly-executed figure of a woman's head, with the hair + gathered on its summit in a kind of ball. There are also + other things on them which I do not understand." + </p> + <p> + "Can you not read the letters?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "No. The letters—if these marks are letters—are + incomprehensible to me. But what have these small pieces of + metal to do with the question of your garments? You puzzle + me." + </p> + <p> + "Why, everything. These pieces of metal, as you call them, + are money, and represent, of course, so much buying power. I + don't know yet what your currency is, and whether you have + the dollar or the rupee"—here I paused, seeing that he + did not follow me. "My idea is this," I resumed, and coming + down to very plain speaking: "I can give one of these + five-pound notes, or its equivalent in gold, if you prefer + that—five of these sovereigns, I mean—for a suit + of clothes such as you all wear." + </p> + <p> + So great was my desire to possess the clothes that I was + about to double the offer, which struck me as poor, and add + that I would give ten sovereigns; but when I had spoken he + dropped the piece he held in his hand upon the table, and + stared fixedly at me, assisted by all the others. Presently, + in the profound silence which ensued, a low, silvery gurgling + became audible, as of some merry mountain burn—a sweet, + warbling sound, swelling louder by degrees until it ended in + a long ringing peal of laughter. + </p> + <p> + This was from the girl Yoletta. I stared at her, surprised at + her unseasonable levity; but the only effect of my doing so + was a general explosion, men and women joining in such a + tempest of merriment that one might have imagined they had + just heard the most wonderful joke ever invented since man + acquired the sense of the ludicrous. + </p> + <p> + The old gentleman was the first to recover a decent gravity, + although it was plain to see that he struggled severely at + intervals to prevent a relapse. + </p> + <p> + "Smith," said he, "of all the extraordinary delusions you + appear to be suffering from, this, that you can have garments + to wear in return for a small piece of paper, or for a few + bits of this metal, is the most astounding! You cannot + exchange these trifles for clothes, because clothes are the + fruit of much labor of many hands." + </p> + <p> + "And yet, sir, you said you understood me when I proposed to + pay for the things I require," said I, in an aggrieved tone. + "You seemed even to approve of the offer I made. How, then, + am I to pay for them if all I possess is not considered of + any value?" + </p> + <p> + "<i>All</i> you possess!" he replied. "Surely I did not say + that! Surely you possess the strength and skill common to all + men, and can acquire anything you wish by the labor of your + hands." + </p> + <p> + I began once more to see light, although my skill, I knew, + would not count for much. "Ah yes," I answered: "to go back + to that subject, I do not know anything about wood-carving or + using colors, but I might be able to do something—some + work of a simpler kind." + </p> + <p> + "There are trees to be felled, land to be plowed, and many + other things to be done. If you will do these things some one + else will be released to perform works of skill; and as these + are the most agreeable to the worker, it would please us more + to have you labor in the fields than in the workhouse." + </p> + <p> + "I am strong," I answered, "and will gladly undertake labor + of the kind you speak of. There is, however, one difficulty. + My desire is to change these clothes for others which will be + more pleasing to the eye, at once; but the work I shall have + to do in return will not be finished in a day. Perhaps not + in—well, several days." + </p> + <p> + "No, of course not," said he. "A year's labor will be + necessary to pay for the garments you require." + </p> + <p> + This staggered me; for if the clothes were given to me at the + beginning, then before the end of the year they would be worn + to rags, and I should make myself a slave for life. I was + sorely perplexed in mind, and pulled about this way and that + by the fear of incurring a debt, and the desire to see myself + (and to be seen by Yoletta) in those strangely fascinating + garments. That I had a decent figure, and was not a + bad-looking young fellow, I was pretty sure; and the hope + that I should be able to create an impression (favorable, I + mean) on the heart of that supremely beautiful girl was very + strong in me. At all events, by closing with the offer I + should have a year of happiness in her society, and a year of + healthy work in the fields could not hurt me, or interfere + much with my prospects. Besides, I was not quite sure that my + prospects were really worth thinking about just now. + Certainly, I had always lived comfortably, spending money, + eating and drinking of the best, and dressing well—that + is, according to the London standard. And there was my dear + old bachelor Uncle Jack—John Smith, Member of + Parliament for Wormwood Scrubbs. That is to say, ex-Member; + for, being a Liberal when the great change came at the last + general election, he was ignominiously ousted from his seat, + the Scrubbs proving at the finish a bitter place to him. He + was put out in more ways than one, and tried to comfort + himself by saying that there would soon be another + dissolution—thinking of his own, possibly, being an old + man. I remembered that I had rather looked forward to such a + contingency, thinking how pleasant it would be to have all + that money, and cruise about the world in my own yacht, + enjoying myself as I knew how. And really I had some reason + to hope. I remember he used to wind up the talk of an evening + when I dined with him (and got a check) by saying: "My boy, + you have talents, if you'd only use 'em." Where were those + talents now? Certainly they had not made me shine much during + the last few hours. + </p> + <p> + Now, all this seemed unsubstantial, and I remembered these + things dimly, like a dream or a story told to me in + childhood; and sometimes, when recalling the past, I seemed + to be thinking about ancient history—Sesostris, and the + Babylonians and Assyrians, and that sort of thing. And, + besides, it would be very hard to get back from a place where + even the name of London was unknown. And perhaps, if I ever + should succeed in getting back, it would only be to encounter + a second Roger Tichborne case, or to be confronted with the + statute of limitations. Anyhow, a year could not make much + difference, and I should also keep my money, which seemed an + advantage, though it wasn't much. I looked up: they were all + once more studying the coins and notes, and exchanging + remarks about them. + </p> + <p> + "If I bind myself to work one year," said I, "shall I have to + wait until the end of that time before I get the clothes?" + </p> + <p> + The reply to this question, I thought, would settle the + matter one way or the other. + </p> + <p> + "No," said he. "It is your wish, and also ours, that you + should be differently clothed at once, and the garments you + require would be made for you immediately." + </p> + <p> + "Then," said I, taking the desperate plunge, "I should like + to have them as soon as possible, and I am ready to commence + work at once." + </p> + <p> + "You shall commence to-morrow morning," he answered, smiling + at my impetuosity. "The daughters of the house, whose + province it is to make these things, shall also suspend other + work until your garments are finished. And now, my son, from + this evening you are one of the house and one of us, and the + things which we possess you also possess in common with us." + </p> + <p> + I rose and thanked him. He too rose, and, after looking round + on us with a fatherly smile, went away to the interior of the + house. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 5 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + When he was gone, and Yoletta had followed, leaving some of + the others still studying those wretched sovereigns, I sat + down again and rested my chin on my hand; for I was now + thinking—deeply: thinking on the terms of the + agreement. "I daresay I have succeeded in making a precious + ass of myself," was the mental reflection that occurred to + me—one I had not infrequently made, and, what is more, + been justified in making on former occasions. Then, + remembering that I had come to supper with an extravagant + appetite, it struck me that my host, quietly observant, had, + when proposing terms, taken into account the quantity of food + necessary for my sustenance. I regretted too late that I had + not exercised more restraint; but the hungry man does not and + cannot consider consequences, else a certain hairy gentleman + who figures in ancient history had never lent himself to that + nefarious compact, which gave so great an advantage to a + younger but sleek and well-nourished brother. In spite of all + this, I felt a secret satisfaction in the thought of the + clothes, and it was also good to know that the nature of the + work I had undertaken would not lower my status in the house. + </p> + <p> + Occupied with these reflections, I had failed to observe that + the company had gradually been drifting away until but one + person was left with me—the young man who had talked + with me before. On his invitation I now rose, put by my + money, and followed him. Returning by the hall we went + through a passage and entered a room of vast extent, which in + its form and great length and high arched roof was like the + nave of a cathedral. And yet how unlike in that something + ethereal in its aspect, as of a nave in a cloud cathedral, + its far-stretching shining floors and walls and columns, pure + white and pearl-gray, faintly touched with colors of + exquisite delicacy. And over it all was the roof of white or + pale gray glass tinged with golden-red—the roof which I + had seen from the outside when it seemed to me like a cloud + resting on the stony summit of a hill. + </p> + <p> + On coming in I had the impression of an empty, silent place; + yet the inmates of the house were all there; they were + sitting and reclining on low couches, some lying at their + ease on straw mats on the floor; some were reading, others + were occupied with some work in their hands, and some were + conversing, the sound coming to me like a faint murmur from a + distance. + </p> + <p> + At one side, somewhere about the center of the room, there + was a broad raised place, or dais, with a couch on it, on + which the father was reclining at his ease. Beside the couch + stood a lectern on which a large volume rested, and before + him there was a brass box or cabinet, and behind the couch + seven polished brass globes were ranged, suspended on axles + resting on bronze frames. These globes varied in size, the + largest being not less than about twelve feet in + circumference. + </p> + <p> + I noticed that there were books on a low stand near me. They + were all folios, very much alike in form and thickness; and + seeing presently that the others were all following their own + inclinations, and considering that I had been left to my own + resources and that it is a good plan when at Rome to do as + the Romans do, I by-and-by ventured to help myself to a + volume, which I carried to one of the reading-stands. + </p> + <p> + Books are grand things—sometimes, thought I, prepared + to follow the advice I had received, and find out by reading + all about the customs of this people, especially their ideas + concerning <i>The House</i>, which appeared to be an object + of almost religious regard with them. This would make me + quite independent, and teach me how to avoid blundering in + the future, or giving expression to any more "extraordinary + delusions." On opening the volume I was greatly surprised to + find that it was richly illuminated on every leaf, the middle + only of each page being occupied with a rather narrow strip + of writing; but the minute letters, resembling Hebrew + characters, were incomprehensible to me. I bore the + disappointment very cheerfully, I must say, for I am not + over-fond of study; and, besides, I could not have paid + proper attention to the text, surrounded with all that + distracting beauty of graceful design and brilliant coloring. + </p> + <p> + After a while Yoletta came slowly across the room, her + fingers engaged with some kind of wool-work as she walked, + and my heart beat fast when she paused by my side. + </p> + <p> + "You are not reading," she said, looking curiously at me. "I + have been watching you for some time." + </p> + <p> + "Have you indeed?" said I, not knowing whether to feel + flattered or not. "No, unfortunately, I can't read this book, + as I do not understand the letters. But what a wonderfully + beautiful book it is! I was just thinking what some of the + great London book-buyers—Quaritch, for + instance—would be tempted to give for it. Oh, I am + forgetting—you have never heard his name, of course; + but—but what a beautiful book it is!" + </p> + <p> + She said nothing in reply, and only looked a little + surprised—disgusted, I feared—at my ignorance, + then walked away. I had hoped that she was going to talk to + me, and with keen disappointment watched her moving across + the floor. All the glory seemed now to have gone out of the + leaves of the volume, and I continued turning them over + listlessly, glancing at intervals at the beautiful girl, who + was also like one of the pages before me, wonderful to look + at and hard to understand. In a distant part of the room I + saw her place some cushions on the floor, and settle herself + on them to do her work. + </p> + <p> + The sun had set by this time, and the interior was growing + darker by degrees; the fading light, however, seemed to make + no difference to those who worked or read. They appeared to + be gifted with an owlish vision, able to see with very little + light. The father alone did nothing, but still rested on his + couch, perhaps indulging in a postprandial nap. At length he + roused himself and looked around him. + </p> + <p> + "There is no melody in our hearts this evening, my children," + he said. "When another day has passed over us it will perhaps + be different. To-night the voice so recently stilled in death + forever would be too painfully missed by all of us." + </p> + <p> + Some one then rose and brought a tall wax taper and placed it + near him. The flame threw a little brightness on the volume, + which he now proceeded to open; and here and there, further + away, it flashed and trembled in points of rainbow-colored + light on a tall column; but the greater part of the room + still remained in twilight obscurity. + </p> + <p> + He began to read aloud, and, although he did not seem to + raise his voice above its usual pitch, the words he uttered + fell on my ears with a distinctness and purity of sound which + made them seem like a melody "sweetly played in tune." The + words he read related to life and death, and such solemn + matters; but to my mind his theology seemed somewhat + fantastical, although it is right to confess that I am no + judge of such matters. There was also a great deal about the + <i>house</i>, which did not enlighten me much, being too + rhapsodical, and when he spoke about our conduct and aims in + life, and things of that kind, I understood him little + better. Here is a part of his discourse:— + </p> + <p> + "It is natural to grieve for those that die, because light + and knowledge and love and joy are no longer theirs; but they + grieve not any more, being now asleep on the lap of the + Universal Mother, the bride of the Father, who is with us, + sharing our sorrow, which was his first; but it dims not his + everlasting brightness; and his desire and our glory is that + we should always and in all things resemble him. + </p> + <p> + "The end of every day is darkness, but the Father of life + through our reason has taught us to mitigate the exceeding + bitterness of our end; otherwise, we that are above all other + creatures in the earth should have been at the last more + miserable than they. For in the irrational world, between the + different kinds, there reigns perpetual strife and bloodshed, + the strong devouring the weak and the incapable; and when + failure of life clouds the brightness of that lower soul, + which is theirs, the end is not long delayed. Thus the life + that has lasted many days goes out with a brief pang, and in + its going gives new vigor to the strong that have yet many + days to live. Thus also does the ever-living earth from the + dust of dead generations of leaves re-make a fresh foliage, + and for herself a new garment. + </p> + <p> + "We only, of all things having life, being like the Father, + slay not nor are slain, and are without enemies in the earth; + for even the lower kinds, which have not reason, know without + reason that we are highest on the earth, and see in us, alone + of all his works, the majesty of the Father, and lose all + their rage in our presence. Therefore, when the night is + near, when life is a burden and we remember our mortality, we + hasten the end, that those we love may cease to sorrow at the + sight of our decline; and we know that this is his will who + called us into being, and gave us life and joy on the earth + for a season, but not forever. + </p> + <p> + "It is better to lay down the life that is ours, to leave all + things—the love of our kindred; the beauty of the world + and of the house; the labor in which we take delight, to go + forth and be no more; but the bitterness endures not, and is + scarcely tasted when in our last moments we remember that our + labor has borne fruit; that the letters we have written + perish not with us, but remain as a testimony and a joy to + succeeding generations, and live in the house forever. + </p> + <p> + "For the house is the image of the world, and we that live + and labor in it are the image of our Father who made the + world; and, like him, we labor to make for ourselves a worthy + habitation, which shall not shame our teacher. This is his + desire; for in all his works, and that knowledge which is + like pure water to one that thirsts, and satisfies and leaves + no taste of bitterness on the palate, we learn the will of + him that called us into life. All the knowledge we seek, the + invention and skill we possess, and the labor of our hands, + has this purpose only: for all knowledge and invention and + labor having any other purpose whatsoever is empty and vain + in comparison, and unworthy of those that are made in the + image of the Father of life. For just as the bodily senses + may become perverted, and the taste lose its discrimination, + so that the hungry man will devour acrid fruits and poisonous + herbs for aliment, so is the mind capable of seeking out new + paths, and a knowledge which leads only to misery and + destruction. + </p> + <p> + "Thus we know that in the past men sought after knowledge of + various kinds, asking not whether it was for good or for + evil: but every offense of the mind and the body has its + appropriate reward; and while their knowledge grew apace, + that better knowledge and discrimination which the Father + gives to every living soul, both in man and in beast, was + taken from them. Thus by increasing their riches they were + made poorer; and, like one who, forgetting the limits that + are set to his faculties, gazes steadfastly on the sun, by + seeing much they become afflicted with blindness. But they + know not their poverty and blindness, and were not satisfied; + but were like shipwrecked men on a lonely and barren rock in + the midst of the sea, who are consumed with thirst, and drink + of no sweet spring, but of the bitter wave, and thirst, and + drink again, until madness possesses their brains, and death + releases them from their misery. Thus did they thirst, and + drink again, and were crazed; being inflamed with the desire + to learn the secrets of nature, hesitating not to dip their + hands in blood, seeking in the living tissues of animals for + the hidden springs of life. For in their madness they hoped + by knowledge to gain absolute dominion over nature, thereby + taking from the Father of the world his prerogative. + </p> + <p> + "But their vain ambition lasted not, and the end of it was + death. The madness of their minds preyed on their bodies, and + worms were bred in their corrupted flesh: and these, after + feeding on their tissues, changed their forms; and becoming + winged, flew out in the breath of their nostrils, like clouds + of winged ants that issue in the springtime from their + breeding-places; and, flying from body to body, filled the + race of men in all places with corruption and decay; and the + Mother of men was thus avenged of her children for their + pride and folly, for they perished miserably, devoured of + worms. + </p> + <p> + "Of the human race only a small remnant survived, these being + men of an humble mind, who had lived apart and unknown to + their fellows; and after long centuries they went forth into + the wilderness of earth and repeopled it; but nowhere did + they find any trace or record of those that had passed away; + for earth had covered all their ruined works with her dark + mold and green forests, even as a man hides unsightly scars + on his body with a new and beautiful garment. Nor is it known + to us when this destruction fell upon the race of men; we + only know that the history thereof was graven an hundred + centuries ago on the granite pillars of the House of Evor, on + the plains between the sea and the snow-covered mountains of + Elf. Thither in past ages some of our pilgrims journeyed, and + have brought a record of these things; nor in our house only + are they known, but in many houses throughout the world have + they been written for the instruction of all men and a + warning for all time. + </p> + <p> + "But to mankind there shall come no second darkness of error, + nor seeking after vain knowledge; and in the Father's House + there shall be no second desolation, but the sounds of joy + and melody, which were silent, shall be heard everlastingly; + since we had now continued long in this even mind, seeking + only to inform ourselves of his will; until as in a clear + crystal without flaw shining with colored light, or as a + glassy lake reflecting within itself the heavens and every + cloud and star, so is he reflected in our minds; and in the + house we are his viceregents, and in the world his + co-workers; and for the glory which he has in his work we + have a like glory in ours. + </p> + <p> + "He is our teacher. Morning and evening throughout the + various world, in the procession of the seasons, and in the + blue heavens powdered with stars; in mountain and plain and + many-toned forest; in the sounding walls of the ocean, and in + the billowy seas through which we pass in peril from land to + land, we read his thoughts and listen to his voice. Here do + we learn with what far-seeing intelligence he has laid the + foundations of his everlasting mansion, how skillfully he has + builded its walls, and with what prodigal richness he has + decorated all his works. For the sunlight and moonlight and + the blueness of heaven are his; the sea with its tides; the + blackness and the lightnings of the tempest, and snow, and + changeful winds, and green and yellow leaf; his are also the + silver rain and the rainbow, the shadows and the many-colored + mists, which he flings like a mantle over all the world. + Herein do we learn that he loves a stable building, and that + the foundations and walls shall endure for ever: yet loves + not sameness; thus, from day to day and from season to season + do all things change their aspect, and the walls and floor + and roof of his dwelling are covered with a new glory. But to + us it is not given to rise to this supreme majesty in our + works; therefore do we, like him yet unable to reach so great + a height, borrow nothing one from the other, but in each + house learn separately from him alone who has infinite + riches; so that every habitation, changeless and eternal in + itself, shall yet differ from all others, having its own + special beauty and splendor: for we inhabit one house only, + but the Father of men inhabits all. + </p> + <p> + "These things are written for the refreshment and delight of + those who may no longer journey into distant lands; and they + are in the library of the house in the seven thousand volumes + of the Houses of the World which our pilgrims have visited in + past ages. For once in a lifetime is it ordained that a man + shall leave his own place and travel for the space of ten + years, visiting the most famous houses in every land he + enters, and also seeking out those of which no report has + reached us. + </p> + <p> + "When the time for this chief adventure comes, and we go + forth for a long period, there is compensation for every + weariness, with absence of kindred and the sweet shelter of + our own home: for now do we learn the infinite riches of the + Father; for just as the day changes every hour, from the + morning to the evening twilight, so does the aspect of the + world alter as we progress from day to day; and in all places + our fellow-men, learning as we do from him only, and seeing + that which is nearest, give a special color of nature to + their lives and their houses; and every house, with the + family which inhabits it, in their conversation and the arts + in which they excel, is like a round lake set about with + hills, wherein may be seen that visible world. And in all the + earth there is no land without inhabitants, whether on wide + continents or islands of the sea; and in all nature there is + no grandeur or beauty or grace which men have not copied; + knowing that this is pleasing to the Father: for we, that are + made like him, delight not to work without witnesses; and we + are his witnesses in the earth, taking pleasure in his works, + even as he also does in ours. + </p> + <p> + "Thus, at the beginning of our journey to the far south, + where we go to look first on those bright lands, which have + hotter suns and a greater variety than ours, we come to the + wilderness of Coradine, which seems barren and desolate to + our sight, accustomed to the deep verdure of woods and + valleys, and the blue mists of an abundant moisture. There a + stony soil brings forth only thorns, and thistles, and sere + tufts of grass; and blustering winds rush over the + unsheltered reaches, where the rough-haired goats huddle for + warmth; and there is no melody save the many-toned voices of + the wind and the plover's wild cry. There dwell the children + of Coradine, on the threshold of the wind-vexed wilderness, + where the stupendous columns of green glass uphold the roof + of the House of Coradine; the ocean's voice is in their + rooms, and the inland-blowing wind brings to them the salt + spray and yellow sand swept at low tide from the desolate + floors of the sea, and the white-winged bird flying from the + black tempest screams aloud in their shadowy halls. There, + from the high terraces, when the moon is at its full, we see + the children of Coradine gathered together, arrayed like no + others, in shining garments of gossamer threads, when, like + thistle-down chased by eddying winds, now whirling in a + cloud, now scattering far apart, they dance their moonlight + dances on the wide alabaster floors; and coming and going + they pass away, and seem to melt into the moonlight, yet ever + to return again with changeful melody and new measures. And, + seeing this, all those things in which we ourselves excel + seem poor in comparison, becoming pale in our memories. For + the winds and waves, and the whiteness and grace, has been + ever with them; and the winged seed of the thistle, and the + flight of the gull, and the storm-vexed sea, flowering in + foam, and the light of the moon on sea and barren land, have + taught them this art, and a swiftness and grace which they + alone possess. + </p> + <p> + "Yet does this moonlight dance, which is the chief glory of + the House of Coradine, grow pale in the mind, and is speedily + forgotten, when another is seen; and, going on our way from + house to house, we learn how everywhere the various riches of + the world have been taken into his soul by man, and made part + of his life. Nor are we inferior to others, having also an + art and chief excellence which is ours only, and the fame of + which has long gone forth into the world; so that from many + distant lands pilgrims gather yearly to our fields to listen + to our harvest melody, when the sun-ripened fruits have been + garnered, and our lips and hands make undying music, to + gladden the hearts of those that hear it all their lives + long. For then do we rejoice beyond others, rising like + bright-winged insects from our lowly state to a higher life + of glory and joy, which is ours for the space of three whole + days. Then the august Mother, in a brazen chariot, is drawn + from field to field by milk-white bulls with golden horns; + then her children are gathered about her in shining yellow + garments, with armlets of gold upon their arms; and with + voice and instruments of forms unknown to the stranger, they + make glad the listening fields with the great harvest melody. + </p> + <p> + "In ancient days the children of our house conceived it in + their hearts, hearing it in all nature's voices; and it was + with them day and night, and they whispered it to one another + when it was no louder than the whisper of the wind in the + forest leaves; and as the Builder of the world brings from an + hundred far places the mist, and the dew, and the sunshine, + and the light west wind, to give to the morning hour its + freshness and glory; and as we, his humbler followers, seek + far off in caverns of the hills and in the dark bowels of the + earth for minerals and dyes that outshine the flowers and the + sun, to beautify the walls of our house, so everywhere by + night and day for long centuries did we listen to all sounds, + and made their mystery and melody ours, until this great song + was perfected in our hearts, and the fame of it in all lands + has caused our house to be called the House of the Harvest + Melody; and when the yearly pilgrims behold our procession in + the fields, and listen to our song, all the glory of the + world seems to pass before them, overcoming their hearts, + until, bursting into tears and loud cries, they cast + themselves upon the earth and worship the Father of the whole + world. + </p> + <p> + "This shall be the chief glory of our house for ever; when a + thousand years have gone by, and we that are now living, like + those that have been, are mingled with the nature we come + from, and speak to our children only in the wind's voice, and + the cry of the passage-bird, pilgrims shall still come to + these sun-bright fields, to rejoice, and worship the Father + of the world, and bless the august Mother of the house, from + whose sacred womb ever comes to it life and love and joy, and + the harvest melody that shall endure for ever." + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 6 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + The reading went on, not of course "for ever," like that + harvest melody he spoke of, but for a considerable time. The + words, I concluded, were for the initiated, and not for me, + and after a while I gave up trying to make out what it was + all about. Those last expressions I have quoted about the + "august Mother of the house" were unintelligible, and + appeared to me meaningless. I had already come to the + conclusion that however many of the ladies of the + establishment might have experienced the pleasures and pains + of maternity, there was really no mother of the house in the + sense that there was a father of the house: that is to say, + one possessing authority over the others and calling them all + her children indiscriminately. Yet this mysterious + non-existent mother of the house was continually being spoken + of, as I found now and afterwards when I listened to the talk + around me. After thinking the matter over, I came to the + conclusion that "mother of the house" was merely a convenient + fiction, and simply stood for the general sense of the + women-folk, or something of the sort. It was perhaps stupid + of me, but the story of Mistrelde, who died young, leaving + only eight children, I had regarded as a mere legend or fable + of antiquity. + </p> + <p> + To return to the reading. Just as I had been absorbed before + in that beautiful book without being able to read it, so now + I listened to that melodious and majestic voice, experiencing + a singular pleasure without properly understanding the sense. + I remembered now with a painful feeling of inferiority that + my <i>thick</i> speech had been remarked On earlier in the + day; and I could not but think that, compared with the speech + of this people, it was thick. In their rare physical beauty, + the color of their eyes and hair, and in their fascinating + dress, they had struck me as being utterly unlike any people + ever seen by me. But it was perhaps in their clear, sweet, + penetrative voice, which sometimes reminded me of a + tender-toned wind instrument, that they most differed from + others. + </p> + <p> + The reading, I have said, had struck me as almost of the + nature of a religious service; nevertheless, everything went + on as before—reading, working, and occasional + conversation; but the subdued talking and moving about did + not interfere with one's pleasure in the old man's musical + speech any more than the soft murmur and flying about of + honey bees would prevent one from enjoying the singing of a + skylark. Emboldened by what I saw the others doing, I left my + seat and made my way across the floor to Yoletta's side, + stealing through the gloom with great caution to avoid making + a clatter with those abominable boots. + </p> + <p> + "May I sit down near you?" said I with some hesitation; but + she encouraged me with a smile and placed a cushion for me. + </p> + <p> + I settled myself down in the most graceful position I could + assume, which was not at all graceful, doubling my + objectionable legs out of her sight; and then began my + trouble, for I was greatly perplexed to know what to say to + her. I thought of lawn-tennis and archery. Ellen Terry's + acting, the Royal Academy Exhibition, private theatricals, + and twenty things besides, but they all seemed unsuitable + subjects to start conversation with in this case. There was, + I began to fear, no common ground on which we could meet and + exchange thoughts, or, at any rate, words. Then I remembered + that ground, common and broad enough, of our human feelings, + especially the sweet and important feeling of love. But how + was I to lead up to it? The work she was engaged with at + length suggested an opening, and the opportunity to make a + pretty little speech. + </p> + <p> + "Your sight must be as good as your eyes are pretty," said I, + "to enable you to work in such a dim light." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, the light is good enough," she answered, taking no + notice of the compliment. "Besides, this is such easy work I + could do it in the dark." + </p> + <p> + "It is very pretty work—may I look at it?" + </p> + <p> + She handed the stuff to me, but instead of taking it in the + ordinary way, I placed my hand under hers, and, holding up + cloth and hand together, proceeded to give a minute and + prolonged scrutiny to her work. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know that I am enjoying two distinct pleasures at one + and the same time?" said I. "One is in seeing your work, the + other in holding your hand; and I think the last pleasure + even greater than the first." As she made no reply, I added + somewhat lamely: "May I—keep on holding it?" + </p> + <p> + "That would prevent me from working," she answered, with the + utmost gravity. "But you may hold it for a little while." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, thank you," I exclaimed, delighted with the privilege; + and then, to make the most of my precious "little while," I + pressed it warmly, whereupon she cried out aloud: "Oh, Smith, + you are squeezing too hard—you hurt my hand!" + </p> + <p> + I dropped it instantly in the greatest confusion. "Oh, for + goodness sake," I stammered, "please, do not make such an + outcry! You don't know what a hobble you'll get me into." + </p> + <p> + Fortunately, no notice was taken of the exclamation, though + it was hard to believe that her words had not been overheard; + and presently, recovering from my fright, I apologized for + hurting her, and hoped she would forgive me. + </p> + <p> + "There is nothing to forgive," she returned gently. "You did + not really squeeze hard, only my hand hurts, because to-day + when I pressed it on the ground beside the grave I ran a + small thorn into it." Then the remembrance of that scene at + the burial brought a sudden mist of tears into her lovely + eyes. + </p> + <p> + "I am so sorry I hurt you, Yoletta—may I call you + Yoletta?" said I, all at once remembering that she had called + me Smith, without the customary prefix. + </p> + <p> + "Why, that is my name—what else should you call me?" + she returned, evidently with surprise. + </p> + <p> + "It is a pretty name, and so sweet on the lips that I should + like to be repeating it continually," I answered. "But it is + only right that you should have a pretty name, + because—well, if I may tell you, because you are so + very beautiful." + </p> + <p> + "Yes; but is that strange—are not all people + beautiful?" + </p> + <p> + I thought of certain London types, especially among the + "criminal classes," and of the old women with withered, + simian faces and wearing shawls, slinking in or out of + public-houses at the street corners; and also of some people + of a better class I had known personally—some even in + the House of Commons; and I felt that I could not agree with + her, much as I wished to do so, without straining my + conscience. + </p> + <p> + "At all events, you will allow," said I, evading the + question, "that there are <i>degrees</i> of beauty, just as + there are degrees of light. You may be able to see to work in + this light, but it is very faint compared with the noonday + light when the sun is shining." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, there is not so great a difference between people as + <i>that</i>," she replied, with the air of a philosopher. + "There are different kinds of beauty, I allow, and some + people seem more beautiful to us than others, but that is + only because we love them more. The best loved are always the + most beautiful." + </p> + <p> + This seemed to reverse the usual idea, that the more + beautiful the person is the more he or she gets loved. + However, I was not going to disagree with her any more, and + only said: "How sweetly you talk, Yoletta; you are as wise as + you are beautiful. I could wish for no greater pleasure than + to sit here listening to you the whole evening." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, then, I am sorry I must leave you now," she answered, + with a bright smile which made me think that perhaps my + little speech had pleased her. + </p> + <p> + "Do you wonder why I smile?" she added, as if able to read my + thoughts. "It is because I have often heard words like yours + from one who is waiting for me now." + </p> + <p> + This speech caused me a jealous pang. But for a few moments + after speaking, she continued regarding me with that bright, + spiritual smile on her lips; then it faded, and her face + clouded and her glance fell. I did not ask her to tell me, + nor did I ask myself, the reason of that change; and + afterwards how often I noticed that same change in her, and + in the others too—that sudden silence and clouding of + the face, such as may be seen in one who freely expresses + himself to a person who cannot hear, and then, all at once + but too late, remembers the other's infirmity. + </p> + <p> + "Must you go?" I only said. "What shall I do alone?". + </p> + <p> + "Oh, you shall not be alone," she replied, and going away + returned presently with another lady. "This is Edra," she + said simply. "She will take my place by your side and talk + with you." + </p> + <p> + I could not tell her that she had taken my words too + literally, that being alone simply meant being separated from + her; but there was no help for it, and some one, alas! some + one I greatly hated was waiting for her. I could only thank + her and her friend for their kind intentions. But what in the + name of goodness was I to say to this beautiful woman who was + sitting by me? She was certainly very beautiful, with a far + more mature and perhaps a nobler beauty than Yoletta's, her + age being about twenty-seven or twenty-eight; but the divine + charm in the young girl's face could, for me, exist in no + other. + </p> + <p> + Presently she opened the conversation by asking me if I + disliked being alone. + </p> + <p> + "Well, no, perhaps not exactly that," I said; "but I think it + much jollier—much more pleasant, I mean—to have + some very nice person to talk to." + </p> + <p> + She assented, and, pleased at her ready intelligence, I + added: "And it is particularly pleasant when you are + understood. But I have no fear that you, at any rate, will + fail to understand anything I may say." + </p> + <p> + "You have had some trouble to-day," she returned, with a + charming smile. "I sometimes think that women can understand + even more readily than men." + </p> + <p> + "There's not a doubt of it!" I returned warmly, glad to find + that with Edra it was all plain sailing. "It must be patent + to every one that women have far quicker, finer intellects + than men, although their brains are smaller; but then quality + is more important than mere quantity. And yet," I continued, + "some people hold that women ought not to have the franchise, + or suffrage, or whatever it is! Not that I care two straws + about the question myself, and I only hope they'll never get + it; but then I think it is so illogical—don't you?" + </p> + <p> + "I am afraid I do not understand you, Smith," she returned, + looking much distressed. + </p> + <p> + "Well, no, I suppose not, but what I said was of no + consequence," I replied; then, wishing to make a fresh start, + I added: "But I am so glad to hear you call me Smith. It + makes it so much more pleasant and homelike to be treated + without formality. It is very kind of you, I'm sure." + </p> + <p> + "But surely your name is Smith?" said she, looking very much + surprised. + </p> + <p> + "Oh yes, my name is Smith: only of course—well, the + tact is, I was just wondering what to call you." + </p> + <p> + "My name is Edra," she replied, looking more bewildered than + ever; and from that moment the conversation, which had begun + so favorably, was nothing but a series of entanglements, from + which I could only escape in each case by breaking the + threads of the subject under discussion, and introducing a + new one. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 7 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + The moment of retiring, to which I had been looking forward + with considerable interest as one likely to bring fresh + surprises, arrived at last: it brought only extreme + discomfort. I was conducted (without a flat candlestick) + along an obscure passage; then, at right angles with the + first, a second broader, lighter passage, leading past a + great many doors placed near together. These, I ascertained + later, were the dormitories, or sleeping-cells, and were + placed side by side in a row opening on the terrace at the + back of the house. Having reached the door of my box, my + conductor pushed back the sliding-panel, and when I had + groped my way to the dark interior, closed it again behind + me. There was no light for me except the light of the stars; + for directly opposite the door by which I had entered stood + another, open wide to the night, which was apparently not + intended ever to be closed. The prospect was the one I had + already seen—the wilderness sloping to the river, and + the glassy surface of the broad water, reflecting the stars, + and the black masses of large trees. There was no sound save + the hooting of an owl in the distance, and the wailing note + of some mournful-minded water-fowl. The night air blew in + cold and moist, which made my bones ache, though they were + not broken; and feeling very sleepy and miserable, I groped + about until I Was rewarded by discovering a narrow bed, or + cot of trellis-work, on which was a hard straw pallet and a + small straw pillow; also, folded small, a kind of woolen + sleeping garment. Too tired to keep out of even such an + uninviting bed, I flung off my clothes, and with my moldy + tweeds for only covering I laid me down, but not to sleep. + The misery of it! for although my body was warm—too + warm, in fact—the wind blew on my face and bare feet + and legs, and made it impossible to sleep. + </p> + <p> + About midnight, I was just falling into a doze when a sound + as of a person coming with a series of jumps into the room + disturbed me; and starting up I was horrified to see, sitting + on the floor, a great beast much too big for a dog, with + large, erect ears. He was intently watching me, his round + eyes shining like a pair of green phosphorescent globes. + Having no weapon, I was at the brute's mercy, and was about + to utter a loud shout to summon assistance, but as he sat so + still I refrained, and began even to hope that he would go + quietly away. Then he stood up, went back to the door and + sniffed audibly at it; and thinking that he was about to + relieve me of his unwelcome presence, I dropped my head on + the pillow and lay perfectly still. Then he turned and glared + at me again, and finally, advancing deliberately to my side, + sniffed at my face. It was all over with me now, I thought, + and closing my eyes, and feeling my forehead growing + remarkably moist in spite of the cold, I murmured a little + prayer. When I looked again the brute had vanished, to my + inexpressible relief. + </p> + <p> + It seemed very astonishing that an animal like a wolf should + come into the house; but I soon remembered that I had seen no + dogs about, so that all kinds of savage, prowling beasts + could come in with impunity. It was getting beyond a joke: + but then all this seemed only a fit ending to the perfectly + absurd arrangement into which I had been induced to enter. + "Goodness gracious!" I exclaimed, sitting bolt upright on my + straw bed, "am I a rational being or an inebriated donkey, or + what, to have consented to such a proposal? It is clear that + I was not quite in my right mind when I made the agreement, + and I am therefore not morally bound to observe it. What! be + a field laborer, a hewer of wood and drawer of water, and + sleep on a miserable straw mat in an open porch, with wolves + for visitors at all hours of the night, and all for a few + barbarous rags! I don't know much about plowing and that sort + of thing, but I suppose any able-bodied man can earn a pound + a week, and that would be fifty-two pounds for a suit of + clothes. Who ever heard of such a thing! Wolves and all + thrown in for nothing! I daresay I shall have a tiger + dropping in presently just to have a look round. No, no, my + venerable friend, that was all excellent acting about my + extraordinary delusions, and the rest of it, but I am not + going to be carried so far by them as to adhere to such an + outrageously one-sided bargain." + </p> + <p> + Presently I remembered two things—divine Yoletta was + the first; and the second was that thought of the rare + pleasure it would be to array myself in those same "barbarous + rags," as I had blasphemously called them. These things had + entered into my soul, and had become a part of + me—especially—well, both. Those strange garments + had looked so refreshingly picturesque, and I had conceived + such an intense longing to wear them! Was it a very + contemptible ambition on my part? Is it sinful to wish for + any adornments other than wisdom and sobriety, a meek and + loving spirit, good works, and other things of the kind? + Straight into my brain flashed the words of a sentence I had + recently read—that is to say, just before my + accident—in a biological work, and it comforted me as + much as if an angel with shining face and rainbow-colored + wings had paid me a visit in my dusky cell: "Unto Adam also, + and his wife, did the Lord God make coats of skin and clothed + them. This has become, as every one knows, a custom among the + race of men, and shows at present no sign of becoming + obsolete. Moreover, that first correlation, namely, + milk-glands and a hairy covering, appears to have entered the + very soul of creatures of this class, and to have become + psychical as well as physical, for in that type, which is + only <i>for a while</i> inferior to the angels, the fondness + for this kind of outer covering is a strong, ineradicable + passion!" Most true and noble words, O biologist of the fiery + soul! It was a delight to remember them. A "strong and + ineradicable passion," not merely to clothe the body, but to + clothe it appropriately, that is to say, beautifully, and by + so doing please God and ourselves. This being so, must we go + on for ever scraping our faces with a sharp iron, until they + are blue and spotty with manifold scrapings; and cropping our + hair short to give ourselves an artificial resemblance to old + dogs and monkeys—creatures lower than us in the scale + of being—and array our bodies, like mutes at a funeral, + in repulsive black—we, "Eutheria of the Eutheria, the + noble of the noble?" And all for what, since it pleases not + heaven nor accords with our own desires? For the sake of + respectability, perhaps, whatever that may mean. Oh, then, a + million curses take it—respectability, I mean; may it + sink into the bottomless pit, and the smoke of its torment + ascend for ever and ever! And having thus, by taking thought, + brought my mind into this temper, I once more finally + determined to have the clothes, and religiously to observe + the compact. + </p> + <p> + It made me quite happy to end it in this way. The hard bed, + the cold night wind blowing on me, my wolfish visitor, were + all forgotten. Once more I gave loose to my imagination, and + saw myself (clothed and in my right mind) sitting at + Yoletta's feet, learning the mystery of that sweet, tranquil + life from her precious lips. A whole year was mine in which + to love her and win her gentle heart. But her hand—ah, + that was another matter. What had I to give in return for + such a boon as that? Only that strength concerning which my + venerable host had spoken somewhat encouragingly. He had also + been so good as to mention my skill; but I could scarcely + trade on that. And if a whole year's labor was only + sufficient to pay for a suit of clothing, how many years of + toil would be required to win Yoletta's hand? + </p> + <p> + Naturally, at this juncture, I began to draw a parallel + between my case and that of an ancient historical personage, + whose name is familiar to most. History repeats + itself—with variations. Jacob—namely, + Smith—cometh to the well of Haran. He taketh + acquaintance of Rachel, here called Yoletta. And Jacob kissed + Rachel, and lifted up his voice and wept. That is a touch of + nature I can thoroughly appreciate—the kissing, I mean; + but why he wept I cannot tell, unless it be because he was + not an Englishman. And Jacob told Rachel that he was her + father's brother. I am glad to have no such startling piece + of information to give to the object of my affections: we are + not even distant relations, and her age being, say, fifteen, + and mine twenty-one, we are so far well suited to each other, + according to my notions. Smith covenanted! for Yoletta, and + said: "I will serve thee seven years for Yoletta, thy younger + daughter"; and the old gentleman answered: "Abide with me, + for I would rather you should have her than some other + person." Now I wonder whether the matter will be complicated + with Leah—that is, Edra? Leah was considerably older + than Rachel, and, like Edra, tender-eyed. I do not aspire or + desire to marry both, especially if I should, like Jacob, + have to begin with the wrong one, however tender-eyed: but + for divine Yoletta I could serve seven years; yea, and + fourteen, if it comes to it. + </p> + <p> + Thus I mused, and thus I questioned, tossing and turning on + my inhospitable hard bed, until merciful sleep laid her + quieting hands on the strings of my brain, and hushed their + weary jangling. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 8 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + Fortunately I woke early next morning, for I was now a member + of an early-rising family, and anxious to conform to rules. + On going to the door I found, to my inexpressible disgust, + that I might easily have closed it in the way I had seen the + other door closed, by simply pulling a sliding panel. There + was ventilation enough without having the place open to + prowling beasts of prey. I also found that if I had turned up + the little stray bed I should have had warm woolen sheets to + sleep in. + </p> + <p> + I resolved to say nothing about my nocturnal visitor, not + wishing to begin the day by furnishing fresh instances of + what might seem like crass stupidity on my part. While + occupied with these matters I began to hear people moving + about and talking on the terrace, and peeping out, I beheld a + curious and interesting spectacle. Down the broad steps + leading to the water the people of the house were hurrying, + and flinging themselves like agile, startled frogs on the + bosom of the stream. There, in the midst of his family, my + venerable host was already disporting himself, his long, + silvery beard and hair floating like a foam on the waves of + his own creating. And presently from other sleeping-rooms on + a line with mine shot forth new bewitching forms, each + sparsely clothed in a slender clinging garment, which + concealed no beauteous curve beneath; and nimbly running and + leaping down the slope, they quickly joined the masculine + bathers. + </p> + <p> + Looking about I soon found a pretty thing in which to array + myself, and quickly started after the others, risking my neck + in my desire to imitate the new mode of motion I had just + witnessed. The water was delightfully cool and refreshing, + and the company very agreeable, ladies and gentlemen all + swimming and diving about together with the unconventional + freedom and grace of a company of grebes. + </p> + <p> + After dressing, we assembled in the eating-room or portico + where we had supped, just when the red disk of the sun was + showing itself above the horizon, kindling the clouds with + yellow flame, and filling the green world with new light. I + felt happy and strong that morning, very able and willing to + work in the fields, and, better than all, very hopeful about + that affair of the heart. Happiness, however, is seldom + perfect, and in the clear, tender morning light I could not + help contrasting my own repulsively ugly garments with the + bright and beautiful costumes worn by the others, which + seemed to harmonize so well with their fresh, happy morning + mood. I also missed the fragrant cup of coffee, the streaky + rasher from the dear familiar pig, and, after breakfast, the + well-flavored cigar; but these lesser drawbacks were soon + forgotten. + </p> + <p> + After the meal a small closed basket was handed to me, and + one of the young men led me out to a little distance from the + house, then, pointing to a belt of wood about a mile away, + told me to walk towards it until I came to a plowed field on + the slope of a valley, where I could do some plowing. Before + leaving me he took from his own person a metal dog-whistle, + with a string attached, and hung it round my neck, but + without explaining its use. + </p> + <p> + Basket in hand I went away, over the dewy grass, whistling + light-heartedly, and after half an hour's walk found the spot + indicated, where about an acre and a half of land had been + recently turned; there also, lying in the furrow, I found the + plow, an implement I knew very little about. This particular + plow, however, appeared to be a simple, primitive thing, + consisting of a long beam of wood, with an upright pole to + guide it; a metal share in the center, going off to one side, + balanced on the other by a couple of small wheels; and there + were also some long ropes attached to a cross-stick at the + end of the beam. There being no horses or bullocks to do the + work, and being unable to draw the plow myself as well as + guide it, I sat down leisurely to examine the contents of my + basket, which, I found, consisted of brown bread, dried + fruit, and a stone bottle of milk. Then, not knowing what + else to do, I began to amuse myself by blowing on the + whistle, and emitted a most shrill and piercing sound, which + very soon produced an unexpected effect. Two noble-looking + horses, resembling those I had seen the day before, came + galloping towards me as if in response to the sound I had + made. Approaching swiftly to within fifty yards they stood + still, staring and snorting as if alarmed or astonished, + after which they swept round me three or four times, neighing + in a sharp, ringing manner, and finally, after having + exhausted their superfluous energy, they walked to the plow + and placed themselves deliberately before it. It looked as if + these animals had come at my call to do the work; I therefore + approached them, with more than needful caution, using many + soothing, conciliatory sounds and words the while, and after + a little further study I discovered how to adjust the ropes + to them. There were no blinkers or reins, nor did these + superb animals seem to think any were wanted; but after I had + taken the pole in my hand, and said "Gee up, Dobbin," in a + tone of command, followed by some inarticulate clicks with + the tongue, they rewarded me with a disconcerting stare, and + then began dragging the plow. As long as I held the pole + straight the share cut its way evenly through the mold, but + occasionally, owing to my inadvertence, it would go off at a + tangent or curve quite out of the ground; and whenever this + happened the horses would stop, turn round and stare at me, + then, touching their noses together seem to exchange ideas on + the subject. When the first furrow was finished, they did not + double back, as I expected, but went straight away to a + distance of thirty yards, and then, turning, marched back, + cutting a fresh furrow parallel with the first, and as + straight as a line. Then they returned to the original + starting-point and cut another, then again to the new furrow, + and so on progressively. All this seemed very wonderful to + me, giving the impression that I had been a skillful plowman + all my life without knowing it. It was interesting work; and + I was also amused to see the little birds that came in + numbers from the wood to devour the worms in the fresh-turned + mold; for between their fear of me and their desire to get + the worms, they were in a highly perplexed state, and + generally confined their operations to one end of the furrow + while I was away at the other. The space the horses had + marked out for themselves was plowed up in due time, + whereupon they marched off and made a fresh furrow as before, + where there was nothing to guide them; and so the work went + on agreeably for some hours, until I felt myself growing + desperately hungry. Sitting down on the beam of the plow, I + opened my basket and discussed the homely fare with a keen + appetite. + </p> + <p> + After finishing the food I resumed work again, but not as + cheerfully as at first: I began to feel a little stiff and + tired, and the immense quantity of mold adhering to my boots + made it heavy walking; moreover, the novelty had now worn + off. The horses also did not work as smoothly as at the + commencement: they seemed to have something on their minds, + for at the end of every furrow they would turn and stare at + me in the most exasperating manner. + </p> + <p> + "Phew!" I ejaculated, as I stood wiping the honest sweat from + my face with my moldy, ancient, and extremely dirty + pocket-handkerchief. "Three hundred and sixty-four days of + this sort of thing is a rather long price to pay for a suit + of clothes." + </p> + <p> + While standing there, I saw an animal coming swiftly towards + me from the direction of the forest, bounding along over the + earth with a speed like that of a greyhound—a huge, + fierce-looking brute; and when close to me, I felt convinced + that it was an animal of the same kind as the one I had seen + during the night. Before I had made up my mind what to do, he + was within a few yards of me, and then, coming to a sudden + halt, he sat down on his haunches, and gravely watched me. + Calling to mind some things I had heard about the terrifying + effect of the human eye on royal tigers and other savage + beasts, I gazed steadily at him, and then almost lost my fear + in admiration of his beauty. He was taller than a boarhound, + but slender in figure, with keen, fox-like features, and very + large, erect ears; his coat was silvery-gray, and long; there + were two black spots above his eyes; and the feet, muzzle, + ear-tips, and end of the bushy tail were also velvet-black. + After watching me quietly for two or three minutes, he + started up, and, much to my relief, trotted away towards the + wood; but after going about fifty yards he looked back, and + seeing me still gazing after him, wheeled round and rushed at + me, and when quite close uttered a sound like a ringing, + metallic yelp, after which he once more bounded away, and + disappeared from sight. + </p> + <p> + The horses now turned round, and, deliberately walking up to + me, stood still, in spite of all I could do to make them + continue the work. After waiting a while they proceeded to + wriggle themselves out of the ropes, and galloped off, loudly + neighing to each other, and flinging up their disdainful + heels so as to send a shower of dirt over me. Left alone in + this unceremonious fashion, I presently began to think that + they knew more about the work than I did, and that, finding + me indisposed to release them at the proper moment, they had + taken the matter into their own hands, or hoofs rather. A + little more pondering, and I also came to the conclusion that + the singular wolf-like animal was only one of the house-dogs; + that he had visited me in the night to remind me that I was + sleeping with the door open, and had come now to insist on a + suspension of work. + </p> + <p> + Glad at having discovered all these things without displaying + my ignorance by asking questions, I took up my basket and + started home. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 9 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + When I arrived at the house I was met by the young man who + had set me the morning's task; but he was taciturn now, and + wore a cold, estranged look, which seemed to portend trouble. + He at once led me to a part of the house at a distance from + the hall, and into a large apartment I now saw for the first + time. In a few moments the master of the house, followed by + most of the other inmates, also entered, and on the faces of + all of them I noticed the same cold, offended look. + </p> + <p> + "The dickens take my luck!" said I to myself, beginning to + feel extremely uncomfortable. "I suppose I have offended + against the laws and customs by working the horses too long." + </p> + <p> + "Smith," said the old man, advancing to the table, and + depositing thereon a large volume he had brought with him, + "come here, and read to me in this book." + </p> + <p> + Advancing to the table, I saw that it was written in the same + minute, Hebrew-like characters of the folio I had examined on + the previous evening. "I cannot read it; I do not understand + the letters," I said, feeling some shame at having thus + publicly to confess my ignorance. + </p> + <p> + "Then," said he, bending on me a look of the utmost severity, + "there is indeed little more to be said. Nevertheless, we + take into account the confused state of your intellect + yesterday, and judge you leniently; and let us hope that the + pangs of an outraged conscience will be more painful to you + than the light punishment I am about to inflict for so + destestable a crime." + </p> + <p> + I now concluded that I had offended by squeezing Yoletta's + hand, and had been told to read from the book merely to make + myself acquainted with the pains and penalties attendant on + such an indiscretion, for to call it a "detestable crime" + seemed to me a very great abuse of language. + </p> + <p> + "If I have offended," was my answer, delivered with little + humility, "I can only plead my ignorance of the customs of + the house." + </p> + <p> + "No man," he returned, with increased severity, "is so + ignorant as not to know right from wrong. Had the matter come + to my knowledge sooner, I should have said: Depart from us, + for your continued presence in the house offends us; but we + have made a compact with you, and, until the year expires, we + must suffer you. For the space of sixty days you must dwell + apart from us, never leaving the room, where each day a task + will be assigned to you, and subsisting on bread and water + only. Let us hope that in this period of solitude and silence + you will sufficiently repent your crime, and rejoin us + afterwards with a changed heart; for all offenses may be + forgiven a man, but it is impossible to forgive a lie." + </p> + <p> + "A lie!" I exclaimed in amazement. "I have told no lie!" + </p> + <p> + "This," said he, with an access of wrath, "is an aggravation + of your former offense. It is even a worse offense than the + first, and must be dealt with separately—when the sixty + days have expired." + </p> + <p> + "Are you, then, going to condemn me without hearing me speak, + or telling me anything about it? What lie have I told?" + </p> + <p> + After a pause, during which he closely scrutinized my face, + he said, pointing to the open page before him: "Yesterday, in + answer to my question, you told me that you could read. Last + evening you made a contrary statement to Yoletta; and now + here is the book, and you confess that you cannot read it." + </p> + <p> + "But that is easily explained," said I, immensely relieved, + for I certainly had felt a little guilty about the + hand-squeezing performance, although it was not a very + serious matter. "I can read the books of my own country, and + naturally concluded that your books were written in the same + kind of letters; but last evening I discovered that it was + not so. You have already seen the letters of my country on + the coins I showed you last evening." + </p> + <p> + And here I again pulled out my pocket-book, and emptied the + contents on the table. + </p> + <p> + He began to pick up the sovereigns one by one to examine + them. Meanwhile, finding my beautiful black and gold + stylograph pen inserted in the book, I thought I could not do + better than to show him how I wrote. Fortunately, the fluid + in it had not become dry. Tearing a blank page from my book I + hastily scribbled a few lines, and handed the paper to him, + saying: "This is how I write." + </p> + <p> + He began studying the paper, but his eyes, I perceived, + wandered often to the stylograph pen in my hand. + </p> + <p> + Presently he remarked: "This writing, or these marks you have + made on the paper, are not the same as the letters on the + gold." + </p> + <p> + I took the paper and proceeded to copy the sentence I had + written, but in printing letters, beneath it, then returned + it to him. + </p> + <p> + He examined it again, and, after comparing my letters with + those on the sovereigns, said: "Pray tell me, now, what you + have written here, and explain why you write in two different + ways?" + </p> + <p> + I told him, as well as I could, why letters of one form were + used to stamp on gold and other substances, and of a + different form for writing. Then, with a modest blush, I read + the words of the sentence: "In different parts of the world + men have different customs, and write different letters; but + alike to all men in all places, a lie is hateful." + </p> + <p> + "Smith," he said, addressing me in an impressive manner, but + happily not to charge me with a third and bigger lie, "I have + lived long in the world, and the knowledge others possess + concerning it is mine also. It is common knowledge that in + the hotter and colder regions men are compelled to live + differently, owing to the conditions they are placed in; but + we know that everywhere they have the same law of right and + wrong inscribed on the heart, and, as you have said, hate a + lie; also that they all speak the same language; and until + this moment I also believed that they wrote in similar + characters. You, however, have now succeeded in convincing me + that this is not the case; that in some obscure valley, cut + off from all intercourse by inaccessible mountains, or in + some small, unknown island of the sea, a people may + exist—ah, did you not tell me that you came from an + island?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, my home was on an island," I answered. + </p> + <p> + "So I imagined. An island of which no report has ever reached + us, where the people, isolated from their fellows, have in + the course of many centuries changed their customs—even + their manner of writing. Although I had seen these gold + pieces I did not understand, or did not realize, that such a + human family existed: now I am persuaded of it, and as I + alone am to blame for having brought this charge against you, + I must now ask your forgiveness. We rejoice at your + innocence, and hope with increased love to atone for our + injustice. My son," he concluded, placing a hand on my + shoulder, "I am now deeply in your debt." + </p> + <p> + "I am glad it has ended so happily," I replied, wondering + whether his being in my debt would increase my chances with + Yoletta or not. + </p> + <p> + Seeing him again directing curious glances at the stylograph, + which I was turning about in my fingers, I offered it to him. + </p> + <p> + He examined it with interest. + </p> + <p> + "I have only been waiting for an opportunity," he said, "to + look closely at this wonderful contrivance, for I had + perceived that your writing was not made with a pencil, but + with a fluid. It is black polished stone, beautifully + fashioned and encircled with gold bands, and contains the + writing-fluid within itself. This surprises me as much as + anything you have told me." + </p> + <p> + "Allow me to make you a present of it," said I, seeing him so + taken with it. + </p> + <p> + "No, not so," he returned. "But I should greatly like to + possess it, and will keep it if I may bestow in return + something you desire." + </p> + <p> + Yoletta's hand was really the only thing in life I desired, + but it was too early to speak yet, as I knew nothing about + their matrimonial usages—not even whether or not the + lady's consent was necessary to a compact of the kind. I + therefore made a more modest request. "There is one thing I + greatly desire," I said. "I am very anxious to be able to + read in your books, and shall consider myself more than + compensated if you will permit Yoletta to teach me." + </p> + <p> + "She shall teach you in any case, my son," he returned. + "That, and much more, is already owning to you." + </p> + <p> + "There is nothing else I desire," said I. "Pray keep the pen + and make me happy." + </p> + <p> + And thus ended a disagreeable matter. + </p> + <p> + The cloud having blown over, we all repaired to the + supper-room, and nothing could exceed our happiness as we sat + at meat—or vegetables. Not feeling so ravenously hungry + as on the previous evening, and, moreover, seeing them all in + so lively a mood, I did not hesitate to join in the + conversation: nor did I succeed so very badly, considering + the strangeness of it all; for like the bee that has been + much hindered at his flowery work by geometric webs, I began + to acquire some skill in pushing my way gracefully through + the tangling meshes of thought and phrases that were new to + me. + </p> + <p> + The afternoon's experiences had certainly been + remarkable—a strange mixture of pain and pleasure, not + blending into homogeneous gray, but resembling rather a + bright embroidery on a dark, somber ground; and of these + surprising contrasts I was destined to have more that same + evening. + </p> + <p> + We were again assembled in the great room, the venerable + father reclining at his ease on his throne-like couch near + the brass globes, while the others pursued their various + occupations as on the former evening. Not being able to get + near Yoletta, and having nothing to do, I settled myself + comfortably in one of the spacious seats, and gave up my mind + to pleasant dreams. At length, to my surprise, the father, + who had been regarding me for some time, said: "Will you + lead, my son?" + </p> + <p> + I started up, turning very red in the face, for I did not + wish to trouble him with questions, yet was at a loss to know + what he meant by leading. I thought of several + things—whist, evening prayers, dancing, etc.; but being + still in doubt, I was compelled to ask him to explain. + </p> + <p> + "Will you lead the singing?" he returned, looking a little + surprised. + </p> + <p> + "Oh yes, with pleasure," said I. There being no music about, + and no piano, I concluded naturally that my friends amused + themselves with solo songs without accompaniment of an + evening, and having a good tenor voice I was not unwilling to + lead off with a song. Clearing my rusty throat with a + <i>ghrr-ghrr-hram</i> which made them all jump, I launched + forth with the "Vicar of Bray"—a grand old song and a + great favorite of mine. They all started when I commenced, + exchanging glances, and casting astonished looks towards me; + but it was getting so dusky in the room that I could not feel + sure that my eyes were not deceiving me. Presently some that + were near me began retiring to distant seats, and this + distressed me so that it made me hoarse, and my singing + became very bad indeed; but still I thought it best to go + bravely on to the end. Suddenly the old gentleman, who had + been staring wildly at me for some time, drew up his long + yellow robe and wrapped it round his face and head. I glanced + at Yoletta, sitting at some distance, and saw that she was + holding her hands pressed to her ears. + </p> + <p> + I thought it about time to leave off then, and stopping + abruptly in the middle of the fourth stanza I sat down, + feeling extremely hot and uncomfortable. I was almost + choking, and unable to utter a word. But there was no word + for me to utter: it was, of course, for them to thank me for + singing, or to say something; but not a word was spoken. + Yoletta dropped her hands and resumed her work, while the old + man slowly emerged with a somewhat frightened look from the + wrappings; and then the long dead silence becoming + unendurable, I remarked that I feared my singing was not to + their taste. No reply was made; only the father, putting out + one of his hands, touched a handle or key near him, whereupon + one of the brass globes began slowly revolving. A low murmur + of sound arose, and seemed to pass like a wave through the + room, dying away in the distance, soon to be succeeded by + another, and then another, each marked by an increase of + power; and often as this solemn sound died away, faint + flute-like notes were heard as if approaching, but still at a + great distance, and in the ensuing wave of sound from the + great globes they would cease to be distinguishable. Still + the mysterious coming sounds continued at intervals to grow + louder and clearer, joined by other tones as they progressed, + now altogether bursting out in joyous chorus, then one purest + liquid note soaring bird-like alone, but whether from voices + or wind-instruments I was unable to tell, until the whole air + about me was filled and palpitating with the strange, + exquisite harmony, which passed onwards, the tones growing + fewer and fainter by degrees until they almost died out of + hearing in the opposite direction. That all were now taking + part in the performance I became convinced by watching in + turn different individuals, some of them having small, + curiously-shaped instruments in their hands, but there was a + blending of voices and a something like ventriloquism in the + tones which made it impossible to distinguish the notes of + any one person. Deeper, more sonorous tones now issued from + the revolving globes, sometimes resembling in character the + vox humana of an organ, and every time they rose to a certain + pitch there were responsive sounds—not certainly from + any of the performers—low, tremulous, and Aeolian in + character, wandering over the entire room, as if walls and + ceiling were honey-combed with sensitive musical cells, + answering to the deeper vibrations. These floating aerial + sounds also answered to the higher notes of some of the + female singers, resembling soprano voices, brightened and + spiritualized in a wonderful degree; and then the wide room + would be filled with a mist, as it were, of this floating, + formless melody, which seemed to come from invisible harpers + hovering in the shadows above. + </p> + <p> + Lying back on my couch, listening with closed eyes to this + mysterious, soul-stirring concert, I was affected to tears, + and almost feared that I had been snatched away into some + supra-mundane region inhabited by beings of an angelic or + half-angelic order—feared, I say, for, with this new + love in my heart, no elysium or starry abode could compare + with this green earth for a dwellingplace. But when I + remembered my own brutal bull of Bashan performance, my face, + there in the dark, was on fire with shame; and I cursed the + ignorant, presumptuous folly I had been guilty of in roaring + out that abominable "Vicar of Bray" ballad, which had now + become as hateful to me as my trousers or boots. The composer + of that song, the writer of the words, and its subject, the + double-faced Vicar himself, presented themselves to my mind + as the three most damnable beings that had ever existed. "The + devil take my luck!" I muttered, grinding my teeth with + impotent anger; for it seemed such hard lines, just when I + had succeeded in getting into favor, to go and spoil it all + in that unhappy way. Now that I had become acquainted with + their style of singing, the supposed fib, about which there + had been such a pother, seemed a very venial offense compared + with my attempt to lead the singing. Nevertheless, when the + concert was over, not a word was said on the subject by any + one, though I had quite expected to be taken at once to the + magisterial chamber to hear some dreadful sentence passed on + me; and when, before retiring, anxious to propitiate my host, + I began to express regret for having inflicted pain on them + by attempting to sing, the venerable gentleman raised his + hands deprecatingly, and begged me to say no more about it, + for painful subjects were best forgotten. "No doubt," he + kindly added, "when you were lying there buried among the + hills, you swallowed a large amount of earth and gravel in + your efforts to breathe, and have not yet freed your lungs + from it." + </p> + <p> + This was the most charitable view he could take of the + matter, and I was thankful that no worse result followed. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 10 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + At length the joyful day arrived when I was to cease, in + outward appearance at all events, to be an alien; for + returning at noon from the fields, on entering my cell I + beheld my beautiful new garments—two complete suits, + besides underwear: one, the most soberly colored, intended + only for working hours; but the second, which was for the + house, claimed my first attention. Trembling with eagerness, + I flung off the old tweeds, the cracked boots, and other + vestiges of a civilization which they had perhaps survived, + and soon found that I had been measured with faultless + accuracy; for everything, down to the shoes, fitted to + perfection. Green was the prevailing or ground tint—a + soft sap green; the pattern on it, which was very beautiful, + being a somewhat obscure red, inclining to purple. My delight + culminated when I drew on the hose, which had, like those + worn by the others, a curious design, evidently borrowed from + the skin of some kind of snake. The ground color was light + green, almost citron yellow, in fact, and the pattern a + bright maroon red, with bronze reflections. + </p> + <p> + I had no sooner arrayed myself than, with a flushed face and + palpitating heart, I flew to exhibit myself to my friends, + and found them assembled and waiting to see and admire the + result of their work. The pleasure I saw reflected in their + transparent faces increased my happiness a hundredfold, and I + quite astonished them with the torrent of eloquence in which + I expressed my overflowing gratitude. + </p> + <p> + "Now, tell me one secret," I exclaimed, when the excitement + began to abate a little. "Why is green the principal color in + my clothes, when no other person in the house wears more than + a very little of it?" + </p> + <p> + I had no sooner spoken than I heartily wished that I had held + my peace; for it all at once occurred to me that green was + perhaps the color for an alien or mere hireling, in which + light they perhaps regarded me. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Smith, can you not guess so simple a thing?" said Edra, + placing her white hands on my shoulders and smiling straight + into my face. + </p> + <p> + How beautiful she looked, standing there with her eyes so + near to mine! "Tell me why, Edra?" I said, still with a + lingering apprehension. + </p> + <p> + "Why, look at the color of my eyes and skin—would this + green tint be suitable for me to wear?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, is that the reason!" cried I, immensely relieved. "I + think, Edra, you would look very beautiful in any color that + is on the earth, or in the rainbow above the earth. But am I + so different from you all?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh yes, quite different—have you never looked at + yourself? Your skin is whiter and redder, and your hair has a + very different color. It will look better when it grows long, + I think. And your eyes—do you know that they never + change! for when we look at you closely they are still + blue-gray, and not green." + </p> + <p> + "No; I wish they were," said I. "Now I shall value my clothes + a hundred times more, since you have taken so much pains to + make them—well, what shall I say?—harmonize, I + suppose, with the peculiar color of my mug. Dash it all, I'm + blundering again! I mean—I mean—don't you + know——" + </p> + <p> + Edra laughed and gave it up. Then we all laughed; for now + evidently my blundering did not so much matter, since I had + shed my outer integument, and come forth like a snake (with a + divided tail) in a brand new skin. + </p> + <p> + Presently I missed Yoletta from the room, and desiring above + all things to have some word of congratulation from her lips, + I went off to seek her. She was standing under the portico + waiting for me. "Come," she said, and proceeded to lead me + into the music-room, where we sat down on one of the couches + close to the dais; there she produced some large white + tablets, and red chalk pencils or crayons. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Smith, I am going to begin teaching you," said she, + with the grave air of a young schoolmistress; "and every + afternoon, when your work is done, you must come to me here." + </p> + <p> + "I hope I am very stupid, and that it will take me a long + time to learn," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Oh"—she laughed—"do you think it will be so + pleasant sitting by me here? I am glad you think that; but if + you prefer me for a teacher you must not try to be stupid, + because if you do I shall ask some one else to take my + place." + </p> + <p> + "Would you really do that, Yoletta?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes. Shall I tell you why? Because I have a quick, impatient + temper. Everything wrong I have ever done, for which I have + been punished, has been through my hasty temper." + </p> + <p> + "And have you ever undergone that sad punishment of being + shut up by yourself for many days, Yoletta?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, often; for what other punishment is there? But oh, I + hope it will never happen again, because I think—I know + that I suffer more than any one can imagine. To tread on the + grass, to feel the sun and wind on my face, to see the earth + and sky and animals—this is like life to me; and when I + am shut up alone, every day seems—oh, a year at least!" + She did not know how much dearer this confession of one + little human weakness made her seem to me. "Come, let us + begin," she said. "I waited for your new clothes to be + finished, and we must make up for lost time." + </p> + <p> + "But do you know, Yoletta, that you have not said anything + about them? Do I look nice; and will you like me any better + now?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, much better. You were a poor caterpillar before; I + liked you a little because I knew what a pretty butterfly you + would be in time. I helped to make your wings. Now, listen." + </p> + <p> + For two hours she taught me, making her red letters or marks, + which I copied on my tablet, and explaining them to me; and + at the conclusion of the lesson, I had got a general idea + that the writing was to a great extent phonographic, and that + I was in for rather a tough job. + </p> + <p> + "Do you think that you will be able to teach me to sing + also?" I asked, when she had put the tablets aside. + </p> + <p> + The memory of that miserable failure, when I "had led the + singing," was a constant sore in my mind. I had begun to + think that I had not done myself justice on that memorable + occasion, and the desire to make another trial under more + favorable circumstances was very strong in me. + </p> + <p> + She looked a little startled at my question, but said + nothing. + </p> + <p> + "I know now," I continued pleadingly, "that you all sing + softly. If you will only consent to try me once I promise to + stick like cobbler's wax—I beg your pardon, I mean I + will endeavor to adhere to the morendo and perdendosi + style—don't you know? What am I saying! But I promise + you, Yoletta, I shan't frighten you, if you will only let me + try and sing to you once." + </p> + <p> + She turned from me with a somewhat clouded expression of + face, and walked with slow steps to the dais, and placing her + hands on the keys, caused two of the small globes to revolve, + sending soft waves of sound through the room. + </p> + <p> + I advanced towards her, but she raised her hand + apprehensively. "No, no, no; stand there," she said, "and + sing low." + </p> + <p> + It was hard to see her troubled face and obey, but I was not + going to bellow at her like a bull, and I had set my heart on + this trial. For the last three days, while working in the + fields, I had been incessantly practicing my dear old master + Campana's exquisite <i>M'appar sulla tomba</i>, the only + melody I happened to know which had any resemblance to their + divine music. To my surprise she seemed to play as I sang a + suitable accompaniment on the globes, which aided and + encouraged me, and, although singing in a subdued tone, I + felt that I had never sung so well before. When I finished, I + quite expected some word of praise, or to be asked why I had + not sung this melody on that unhappy evening when I was asked + to lead; but she spoke no word. + </p> + <p> + "Will you sing something now?" I said. + </p> + <p> + "Not now—this evening," she replied absently, slowly + walking across the floor with eyes cast down. + </p> + <p> + "What are you thinking of, Yoletta, that you look so + serious?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Nothing," she returned, a little impatiently. + </p> + <p> + "You look very solemn about nothing, then. But you have not + said one word about my singing—did you not like it?" + </p> + <p> + "Your singing? Oh no! It was a pleasant-tasting little kernel + in a very rough rind—I should like one without the + other." + </p> + <p> + "You talk in riddles, Yoletta; but I'm afraid the answers to + them would not sound very flattering to me. But if you would + like to know the song I shall be only too glad to teach it to + you. The words are in Italian, but I can translate them." + </p> + <p> + "The words?" she said absently. + </p> + <p> + "The words of the song," I said. + </p> + <p> + "I do not know what you mean by the words of a song. Do not + speak to me now, Smith." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, very well," said I, thinking it all very strange, and + sitting down I divided my attention between my beautiful hose + and Yoletta, still slowly pacing the floor with that absent + look on her face. + </p> + <p> + At length the curious mood changed, but I did not venture to + talk any more about music, and before very long we repaired + to the eating-room, where, for the next two or three hours, + we occupied ourselves very agreeably with those processes + which, some new theorist informs us, constitute our chief + pleasure in life. + </p> + <p> + That evening I overheard a curious little dialogue. The + father of the house, as I had now grown accustomed to call + our head, after rising from his seat, stood for a few minutes + talking near me, while Yoletta, with her hand on his arm, + waited for him to finish. When he had done speaking, and + turned to her, she said in a low voice, which I, however, + overheard: "Father, I shall lead to-night." + </p> + <p> + He put his hand on her head, and, looking down, studied her + upturned face. "Ah, my daughter," he said with a smile, + "shall I guess what has inspired you to-day? You have been + listening to the passage birds. I also heard them this + morning passing in flocks. And you have been following them + in thought far away into those sun-bright lands where winter + never comes." + </p> + <p> + "No, father," she returned, "I have only been a little way + from home in thought—only to that spot where the grass + has not yet grown to hide the ashes and loose mold." He + stooped and kissed her forehead, and then left the room; and + she, never noticing the hungry look with which I witnessed + the tender caress, also went away. + </p> + <p> + That some person was supposed to lead the singing every + evening I knew, but it was impossible for me ever to discover + who the leader was; now, however, after overhearing this + conversation, I knew that on this particular occasion it + would be Yoletta, and in spite of the very poor opinion she + had expressed of my musical abilities, I was prepared to + admire the performance more than I had ever done before. + </p> + <p> + It commenced in the usual mysterious and indefinable manner; + but after a time, when it began to shape itself into + melodies, the idea possessed me that I was listening to + strains once familiar, but long unheard and forgotten. At + length I discovered that this was Campana's music, only not + as I had ever heard it sung; for the melody of <i>M'appar + sulla tomba</i> had been so transmuted and etherealized, as + it were, that the composer himself would have listened in + wondering ecstasy to the mournful strains, which had passed + through the alembic of their more delicately organized minds. + Listening, I remembered with an unaccountable feeling of + sadness, that poor Campana had recently died in London; and + almost at the same moment there came to me a remembrance of + my beloved mother, whose early death was my first great grief + in boyhood. All the songs I had ever heard her sing came back + to me, ringing in my mind with a wonderful joy, but ever + ending in a strange, funereal sadness. And not only my + mother, but many a dear one besides returned "in beauty from + the dust" appeared to be present—white-haired old men + who had spoken treasured words to me in bygone years; + schoolfellows and other boyish friends and companions; and + men, too, in the prime of life, of whose premature death in + this or that far-off region of the world-wide English empire + I had heard from time to time. They came back to me, until + the whole room seemed filled with a pale, shadowy procession, + moving past me to the sound of that mysterious melody. + Through all the evening it came back, in a hundred + bewildering disguises, filling me with a melancholy + infinitely precious, which was yet almost more than my heart + could bear. Again and yet again that despairing + <i>Ah-i-me</i> fell like a long shuddering sob from the + revolving globes, and from voices far and near, to be taken + up and borne yet further away by far-off, dying sounds, yet + again responded to by nearer, clearer voices, in tones which + seemed wrung "from the depths of some divine despair"; then + to pass away, but not wholly pass, for all the hidden cells + were stirred, and the vibrating air, like mysterious, + invisible hands, swept the suspended strings, until the + exquisite bliss and pain of it made me tremble and shed + tears, as I sat there in the dark, wondering, as men will + wonder at such moments, what this tempest of the soul which + music wakes in us can mean: whether it is merely a growth of + this our earth-life, or a something added, a divine hunger of + the heart which is part of our immortality. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 11 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + It seemed to me now that I had never really lived before so + sweet was this new life—so healthy, and free from care + and regret. The old life, which I had lived in cities, was + less in my thoughts on each succeeding day; it came to me now + like the memory of a repulsive dream, which I was only too + glad to forget. How I had ever found that listless, worn-out, + luxurious, do-nothing existence endurable, seemed a greater + mystery every morning, when I went forth to my appointed task + in the fields or the workhouse, so natural and so pleasant + did it now seem to labor with my own hands, and to eat my + bread in the sweat of my face. If there was one kind of work + I preferred above all others, it was wood-cutting, and as a + great deal of timber was required at this season, I was + allowed to follow my own inclination. In the forest, a couple + of miles from the house, several tough old + giants—chiefly oak, chestnut, elm, and beech—had + been marked out for destruction: in some cases because they + had been scorched and riven by lightnings, and were an + eyesore; in others, because time had robbed them of their + glory, withering their long, desolate arms, and bestowing on + their crowns that lusterless, scanty foliage which has a + mournful meaning, like the thin white hairs on the bowed head + of a very old man. At this distance from the house I could + freely indulge my propensity for singing, albeit in that + coarser tone which had failed to win favor with my new + friends. + </p> + <p> + Among the grand trees, out of earshot of them all, I could + shout aloud to my heart's content, rejoicing in the + boisterous old English ballads, which, like John Peele's + view-hallo, + </p> + <p><br> + <i>"Might awaken the dead<br> + Or the fox from his lair in the morning."</i> + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile, with the frantic energy of a Gladstone out of + office, I plied my ax, its echoing strokes making fit + accompaniment to my strains, until for many yards about me + the ground was littered with white and yellow chips; then, + exhausted with my efforts, I would sit down to rest and eat + my simple midday fare, to admire myself in my deep-green and + chocolate working-dress, and, above everything, to think and + dream of Yoletta. + </p> + <hr> + <br> + <br> + + <p> + In my walks to and from the forest I cast many a wistful look + at a solitary flat-topped hill, almost a mountain in height, + which stood two or three miles from the house, north of it, + on the other side of the river. From its summit I felt sure + that a very extensive view of the surrounding country might + be had, and I often wished to pay this hill a visit. One + afternoon, while taking my lesson in reading, I mentioned + this desire to Yoletta. + </p> + <p> + "Come, then, let us go there now," said she, laying the + tablets aside. + </p> + <p> + I joyfully agreed: I had never walked alone with her, nor, in + fact, with her at all, since that first day when she had + placed her hand in mine; and now we were so much nearer in + heart to each other. + </p> + <p> + She led me to a point, half a mile from the house, where the + stream rushed noisily over its stony bed and formed numerous + deep channels between the rocks, and one could cross over by + jumping from rock to rock. Yoletta led the way, leaping + airily from stone to stone, while I, anxious to escape a + wetting, followed her with caution; but when I was safe over, + and thought our delightful walk was about to begin, she + suddenly started off towards the hill at a swift pace, which + quickly left me far behind. Finding that I could not overtake + her, I shouted to her to wait for me; then she stood still + until I was within three or four yards Of her, when off she + fled like the wind once more. At length she reached the foot + of the hill, and sat down there until I joined her. + </p> + <p> + "For goodness sake, Yoletta, let us behave like rational + beings and walk quietly," I was beginning, when away she went + again, dancing up the mountain-side with a tireless energy + that amazed as well as exasperated me. "Wait for me just once + more," I screamed after her; then, half-way up the side, she + stopped and sat down on a stone. + </p> + <p> + "Now my chance has come," thought I, ready to make up for + insufficient speed and wind by superior cunning, which would + make us equal. "I will go quietly up and catch her napping, + and hold her fast by the arm until the walk is finished. So + far it has been nothing but a mad chase." + </p> + <p> + Slowly I toiled on, and then, when I got near her and was + just about to execute my plan, she started nimbly away, with + a merry laugh, and never paused again until the summit was + reached. Thoroughly tired and beaten, I sat down to rest; but + presently looking up I saw her at the top, standing + motionless on a stone, looking like a statue outlined against + the clear blue sky. Once more I got up and pressed on until I + reached her, and then sank down on the grass, overcome with + fatigue. + </p> + <p> + "When you ask me to walk again, Yoletta," I panted, "I shall + not move unless I have a rope round your waist to pull you + back when you try to rush off in that mad fashion. You have + knocked all the wind out of me; and yet I was in pretty good + trim." + </p> + <p> + She laughed, and jumping to the ground, sat down at my side + on the grass. + </p> + <p> + I caught her hand and held it tight. "Now you shall not + escape and run away again," said I. + </p> + <p> + "You may keep my hand," she replied; "it has nothing to do up + here." + </p> + <p> + "May I put it to some useful purpose—may I do what I + like with it?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, you may," then she added with a smile: "There is no + thorn in it now." + </p> + <p> + I kissed it many times on the back, the palm, the wrist then + bestowed a separate caress on each finger-tip. + </p> + <p> + "Why do you kiss my hand?" she asked. + </p> + <p> + "Do you not know—can you not guess? Because it is the + sweetest thing I can kiss, except one other thing. Shall I + tell you——" + </p> + <p> + "My face? And why do you not kiss that?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, may I?" said I, and drawing her to me I kissed her soft + cheek. "May I kiss the other cheek now?" I asked. She turned + it to me, and when I had kissed it rapturously, I gazed into + her eyes, which looked back, bright and unabashed, into mine. + "I think—I think I made a slight mistake, Yoletta," I + said. "What I meant to ask was, will you let me kiss you + where I like—on your chin, for instance, or just where + I like?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; but you are keeping me too long. Kiss me as many times + as you like, and then let us admire the prospect." + </p> + <p> + I drew her closer and kissed her mouth, not once nor twice, + but clinging to it with all the ardor of passion, as if my + lips had become glued to hers. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly she disengaged herself from me. "Why do you kiss my + mouth in that violent way?" she exclaimed, her eyes + sparkling, her cheeks flushed. "You seem like some hungry + animal that wanted to devour me." + </p> + <p> + That was, oddly enough, just how I felt. "Do you not not + know, sweetest, why I kiss you in that way? Because I love + you." + </p> + <p> + "I know you do, Smith. I can understand and appreciate your + love without having my lips bruised." + </p> + <p> + "And do you love me, Yoletta?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, certainly—did you not know that?" + </p> + <p> + "And is it not sweet to kiss when you love? Do you know what + love is, darling? Do you love me a thousand times more than + any one else in the world?" + </p> + <p> + "How extravagantly you talk!" she replied. "What strange + things you say!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dear, because love is strange—the strangest, + sweetest thing in life. It comes once only to the heart, and + the one person loved is infinitely more than all others. Do + you not understand that?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh no; what do you mean, Smith?" + </p> + <p> + "Is there any other person dearer to your heart than I am?" + </p> + <p> + "I love every one in the house, some more than others. Those + that are closely related to me I love most." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, please say no more! You love your people with one kind + of love, but me with a different love—is it not so?" + </p> + <p> + "There is only one kind of love," said she. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, you say that because you are a child yet, and do not + know. You are even younger than I thought, perhaps. How old + are you, dear?" + </p> + <p> + "Thirty-one years old," she replied, with the utmost gravity. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Yoletta, what an awful cram! I mean—oh, I beg your + pardon for being so rude! But—but don't you think you + can draw it mild? Thirty-one—what a joke! Why, I'm an + old fellow compared with you, and I'm not twenty-two yet. Do + tell me what you mean, Yoletta?" + </p> + <p> + She was not listening to me, I saw: she had risen from the + grass and seated herself again on the stone. For only answer + to my question she pointed to the west with her hand, saying: + "Look there, Smith." + </p> + <p> + I stood up and looked. The sun was near the horizon now, and + partially concealed by low clouds, which were beginning to + form—gray, and tinged with purple and red; but their + misty edges burned with an intense yellow flame. Above, the + sky was clear as blue glass, barred with pale-yellow rays, + shot forth by the sinking sun, and resembling the spokes of + an immense celestial wheel reaching to the zenith. The + billowy earth, with its forests in deep green and + many-colored, autumnal foliage, stretched far before us, here + in shadow, and there flushed with rich light; while the + mountain range, looming near and stupendous on our right, had + changed its color from dark blue to violet. + </p> + <p> + The doubts and fears agitating my heart made me indifferent + to the surpassing beauty of the scene: I turned impatiently + from it to gaze again on her graceful figure, girlish still + in its slim proportions; but her face, flushed with sunlight, + and crowned with its dark, shining hair, seemed to me like + the face of one of the immortals. The expression of rapt + devotion on it made me silent, for it seemed as if she too + had been touched by nature's magic, like earth and sky, and + been transfigured; and waiting for the mood to pass, I stood + by her side, resting my hand on her knee. By-and-by she + looked down and smiled, and then I returned to the subject of + her age. + </p> + <p> + "Surely, Yoletta," said I, "you were only poking fun at + me—I mean, amusing yourself at my expense. You can't + possibly be more than about fifteen, or sixteen at the very + outside." + </p> + <p> + She smiled again and shook her head. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I know, I can solve the riddle now. Your years are + different, of course, like everything else in this latitude. + A month is called a year with you, and that would make you, + let me see—how much is twelve times thirty-one? Oh, + hang it, nearly five hundred, I should think. Why am I such a + duffer at mental arithmetic! It is just the + contrary—how many twelves in thirty-one? About two and + a half in round numbers, and that's absurd, as you are not a + baby. Oh, I have it: your seasons are called years, of + course—why didn't I see it before! No, that would make + you only seven and a half. Ah, yes, I see it now: a year + means two years, or two of your years—summer and + winter—mean a year; and that just makes you sixteen, + exactly what I had imagined. Is it not so, Yoletta?" + </p> + <p> + "I do not know what you are talking about, Smith; and I am + not listening." + </p> + <p> + "Well, listen for one moment, and tell me how long does a + year last?" + </p> + <p> + "It lasts from the time the leaves fall in the autumn until + they fall again; and it lasts from the time the swallows come + in spring until they come again." + </p> + <p> + "And seriously, honestly, you are thirty-one years old?" + </p> + <p> + "Did I not tell you so? Yes, I am thirty-one years old." + </p> + <p> + "Well, I never heard anything to equal this! Good heavens, + what does it mean? I know it is awfully rude to inquire a + lady's age, but what am I to do? Will you kindly tell me + Edra's age?" + </p> + <p> + "Edra? I forget. Oh yes; she is sixty-three." + </p> + <p> + "Sixty-three! I'll be shot if she's a day more than + twenty-eight! Idiot that I am, why can't I keep calm! But, + Yoletta, how you distress me! It almost frightens me to ask + another question, but do tell me how old your father is?" + </p> + <p> + "He is nearly two hundred years old—a hundred and + ninety-eight, I think," she replied. + </p> + <p> + "Heavens on earth—I shall go stark, staring mad!" But I + could say no more; leaving her side I sat down on a low stone + at some distance, with a stunned feeling in my brain, and + something like despair in my heart. That she had told me the + truth I could no longer doubt for one moment: it was + impossible for her crystal nature to be anything but + truthful. The number of her years mattered nothing to me; the + virgin sweetness of girlhood was on her lips, the freshness + and glory of early youth on her forehead; the misery was that + she had lived thirty-one years in the world and did not + understand the words I had spoken to her—did not know + what love, or passion, was! Would it always be so—would + my heart consume itself to ashes, and kindle no fire in hers? + </p> + <p> + Then, as I sat there, filled with these despairing thoughts, + she came down from her perch, and, dropping on her knees + before me, put her arms about my neck and gazed steadily into + my face. "Why are you troubled, Smith-have I said anything to + hurt you?" said she. "And do you not know that you have + offended me?" + </p> + <p> + "Have I? Tell me how, dearest Yoletta." + </p> + <p> + "By asking questions, and saying wild, meaningless things + while I sat there watching the setting sun. It troubled me + and spoiled my pleasure; but I will forgive you, Smith, + because I love you. Do you not think I love you enough? You + are very dear to me—dearer every day." And drawing down + my face she kissed my lips. + </p> + <p> + "Darling, you make me happy again," I returned, "for if your + love increases every day, the time will perhaps come when you + will understand me, and be all I wish to me." + </p> + <p> + "What is it that you wish?" she questioned. + </p> + <p> + "That you should be mine—mine alone, wholly + mine—and give yourself to me, body and soul." + </p> + <p> + She continued gazing up into my eyes. "In a sense we do, I + suppose, give ourselves, body and soul, to those we love," + she said. "And if you are not yet satisfied that I have given + myself to you in that way, you must wait patiently, saying + and doing nothing willfully to alienate my heart, until the + time arrives when my love will be equal to your desire. + Come," she added, and, rising, pulled me up by the hand. + </p> + <p> + Silently, and somewhat pensively, we started hand in hand on + our walk down the hill. Presently she dropped on her knees, + and opening the grass with her hands, displayed a small, + slender bud, on a round, smooth stem, springing without + leaves from the soil. "Do you see!" she said, looking up at + me with a bright smile. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dear, I see a bud; but I do not know anything more + about it." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Smith, do you not know that it is a rainbow lily!" And + rising, she took my hand and walked on again. + </p> + <p> + "What is the rainbow lily?" + </p> + <p> + "By-and-by, in a few days, it will be in fullest bloom, and + the earth will be covered with its glory." + </p> + <p> + "It is so late in the season, Yoletta! Spring is the time to + see the earth covered with the glory of flowers." + </p> + <p> + "There is nothing to equal the rainbow lily, which comes when + most flowers are dead, or have their bright colors tarnished. + Have you lived in the moon, Smith, that I have to tell you + these things?" + </p> + <p> + "No, dear, but in that island where all things, including + flowers, were different." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, yes; tell me about the island." + </p> + <p> + Now "that island" was an unfortunate subject, and I was not + prepared to break the resolution I had made of prudently + holding my tongue about its peculiar institutions. "How can I + tell you?—how could you imagine it if I were to tell + you?" I said, evading the question. "You have seen the + heavens black with tempests, and have felt the lightnings + blinding your eyes, and have heard the crash of the thunder: + could you imagine all that if you had never witnessed it, and + I described it to you?" + </p> + <p> + "No." + </p> + <p> + "Then it would be useless to tell you. And now tell me about + the rainbow lilies, for I am a great lover of flowers." + </p> + <p> + "Are you? Is it strange you should have a taste common to all + human beings?" she returned with a pretty smile. "But it is + easier to ask questions than to answer them. If you had never + seen the sun setting in glory, or the midnight sky shining + with myriads of stars, could you imagine these things if I + described them to you?" + </p> + <p> + "No." + </p> + <p> + "That word is an echo, Smith. You must wait for the earth to + bring forth her rainbow lilies, and the heart its love." + </p> + <p> + "With or without flowers, the world is a paradise to me, with + you at my side, Yoletta. Ah, if you will be my Eve! How sweet + it is to walk hand in hand with you in the twilight; but it + was not so nice when you were scuttling from me like a wild + rabbit. I'm glad to find that you do walk sometimes." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sometimes—on solemn occasions." + </p> + <p> + "Yes? Tell me about these solemn occasions." + </p> + <p> + "This is not one of them," she replied, suddenly withdrawing + her hand from mine; then with a ringing laugh, she sped from + me, bounding down the hill-side with the speed and grace of a + gazelle. + </p> + <p> + I instantly gave chase; but it was a very vain chase, + although I put forth all my powers. Occasionally she would + drop on her knees to admire some wild flower, or search for a + lily bud; and whenever she came to a large stone, she would + spring on to it, and stand for some time motionless, gazing + at the rich hues of the afterglow; but always at my approach + she would spring lightly away, escaping from me as easily as + a wild bird. Tired with running, I at last gave up the hunt, + and walked soberly home by myself, wondering whether that + conversation on the summit of the hill, and all the curious + information I had gathered from it, should make me the most + miserable or the most happy being upon earth. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 12 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + The question whether I had reason to feel happy or the + reverse still occupied me after going to bed, and kept me + awake far into the night. I put it to myself in a variety of + ways, concentrating my faculties on it; but the result still + remained doubtful. Mine was a curious position for a man to + be in; for here was I, very much in love with Yoletta, who + said that her age was thirty-one, and yet who knew of only + one kind of love—that sisterly affection which she gave + me so unstintingly. Of course I was surrounded with + mysteries, being in the house but not of it, to the manner + born; and I had already arrived at the conclusion that these + mysteries could only be known to me through reading, once + that accomplishment was mine. For it seemed rather a + dangerous thing to ask questions, since the most innocent + interrogatory might be taken as an offense, only to be + expiated by solitary confinement and a bread-and-water diet; + or, if not punishable in that way, it would probably be + regarded as a result of the supposed collision of my head + with a stone. To be reticent, observant, and studious was a + safe plan; this had served to make me diligent and attentive + with my lessons, and my gentle teacher had been much pleased + with the progress I had made, even in a few days. Her words + on the hill had now, however, filled me with anxiety, and I + wanted to go a little below the surface of this strange + system of life. Why was this large family—twenty-two + members present, besides some absent pilgrims, as they are + called—composed only of adults? Again, more curious + still, why was the father of the house adorned with a + majestic beard, while the other men, of various ages, had + smooth faces, or, at any rate, nothing more than a slight + down on the upper lip and cheeks? It was plain that they + never shaved. And were these people all really brothers and + sisters? So far, I had been unable, even with the most + jealous watching, to detect anything like love-making or + flirting; they all treated each other, as Yoletta treated me, + with kindness and affection, and nothing more. And if the + head of the house was in fact the father of them + all—since in two centuries a man might have an + indefinite number of children—who was the mother or + mothers? I was never good at guessing, but the result of my + cogitations was one happy idea—to ask Yoletta whether + she had a living mother or not? She was my teacher, my friend + and guardian in the house, and if it should turn out that the + question was an unfortunate one, an offense, she would be + readier to forgive than another. + </p> + <p> + Accordingly, next day, as soon as we were alone together I + put the question to her, although not without a nervous + qualm. + </p> + <p> + She looked at me with the greatest surprise. "Do you mean to + say," she answered, "that you do not know I have a + mother—that there is a mother of the house?" + </p> + <p> + "How should I know, Yoletta?" I returned. "I have not heard + you address any one as mother; besides, how is one to know + anything in a strange place unless he is told?" + </p> + <p> + "How strange, then, that you never asked till now! There is a + mother of the house—the mother of us all, of you since + you were made one of us; and it happens, too, that I am her + daughter—her only child. You have not seen her because + you have never asked to be taken to her; and she is not among + us because of her illness. For very long she has been + afflicted with a malady from which she cannot recover, and + for a whole year she has not left the Mother's Room." + </p> + <p> + She spoke with eyes cast down, in a low and very sad voice. + It was only too plain now that in my ignorance I had been + guilty of a grave breach of the etiquette or laws of the + house; and anxious to repair my fault, also to know more of + the one female in this mysterious community who had loved, or + at all events had known marriage, I asked if I might see her. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," she answered, after some hesitation, still standing + with eyes cast down. Then suddenly, bursting into tears, she + exclaimed: "Oh, Smith, how could you be in the world and not + know that there is a mother in every house! How could you + travel and not know that when you enter a house, after + greeting the father, you first of all ask to be taken to the + mother to worship her and feel her hand on your head? Did you + not see that we were astonished and grieved at your silence + when you came, and we waited in vain for you to speak?" + </p> + <p> + I was dumb with shame at her words. How well I remembered + that first evening in the house, when I could not but see + that something was expected of me, yet never ventured to ask + for enlightment! + </p> + <p> + Presently, recovering from her tears, she went from the room, + and, left alone, I was more than ever filled with wonder at + what she had told me. I had not imagined that she had come + into the world without a mother; nevertheless, the fact that + this passionless girl, who had told me that there was only + one kind of love, was the daughter of a woman actually living + in the house, of whose existence I had never before heard, + except in an indirect way which I failed to understand, + seemed like a dream to me. Now I was about to see this hidden + woman, and the interview would reveal something to me, for I + would discover in her face and conversation whether she was + in the same mystic state of mind as the others, which made + them seem like the dwellers in some better place than this + poor old sinful, sorrowful world. My wishes, however, were + not to be gratified, for presently Yoletta returned and said + that her mother did not desire to see me then. She looked so + distressed when she told me this, putting her white arms + about my neck as if to console me for my disappointment, that + I refrained from pressing her with questions, and for several + days nothing more was spoken between us on the subject. + </p> + <p> + At length, one day when our lesson was over, with an + expression of mingled pleasure and anxiety on her face, she + rose and took my hand, saying, "Come." + </p> + <p> + I knew she was going to take me to her mother, and rose to + obey her gladly, for since the conversation I had had with + her the desire to know the lady of the house had given me no + peace. + </p> + <p> + Leaving the music room, we entered another apartment, of the + same nave-like form, but vaster, or, at all events, + considerably longer. There I started and stood still, amazed + at the scene before me. The light, which found entrance + through tall, narrow windows, was dim, but sufficient to show + the whole room with everything in it, ending at the further + extremity at a flight of broad stone steps. The middle part + of the floor, running the entire length of the apartment, was + about twenty feet wide, but on either side of this passage, + which was covered with mosaic, the floor was raised; and on + this higher level I saw, as I imagined, a great company of + men and women, singly and in groups, standing or seated on + great stone chairs in various positions and attitudes. + Presently I perceived that these were not living beings, but + life-like effigies of stone, the drapery they were + represented as wearing being of many different richly-colored + stones, having the appearance of real garments. So natural + did the hair look, that only when I ascended the steps and + touched the head of one of the statues was I convinced that + it was also of stone. Even more wonderful in their + resemblance to life were the eyes, which seemed to return my + half-fearful glances with a calm, questioning scrutiny I + found it hard to endure. I hurried on after my guide without + speaking, but when I got to the middle of the room I paused + involuntarily once more, so profoundly did one of the statues + impress me. It was of a woman of a majestic figure and proud, + beautiful face, with an abundance of silvery-white hair. She + sat bending forward with her eyes fixed on mine as I + advanced, one hand pressed to her bosom, while with the other + she seemed in the act of throwing back her white unbound + tresses from her forehead. There was, I thought, a look of + calm, unbending pride on the face, but on coming closer this + expression disappeared, giving place to one so wistful and + pleading, so charged with subtle pain, that I stood gazing + like one fascinated, until Yoletta took my hand and gently + drew me away. Still, in spite of the absorbing nature of the + matter on which I was bound, that strange face continued to + haunt me, and glancing up and down through that long array of + calm-browed, beautiful women, I could see no one that was + like it. + </p> + <p> + Arrived at the end of the gallery, we ascended the broad + stone steps, and came to a landing twenty or thirty feet + above the level of the floor we had traversed. Here Yoletta + pushed a glass door aside and ushered me into another + apartment—the Mother's Room. It was spacious, and, + unlike the gallery, well-lighted; the air in it was also warm + and balmy, and seemed charged with a subtle aroma. But now my + whole attention was concentrated on a group of persons before + me, and chiefly on its central figure—the woman I had + so much desired to see. She was seated, leaning back in a + somewhat listless attitude, on a very large, low, couch-like + seat, covered with a soft, violet-colored material. My very + first glance at her face revealed to me that she differed in + appearance and expression from other inmates of the house: + one reason was that she was extremely pale, and bore on her + worn countenance the impress of long-continued suffering; but + that was not all. She wore her hair, which fell unbound on + her shoulders, longer than the others, and her eyes looked + larger, and of a deeper green. There was something + wonderfully fascinating to me in that pale, suffering face, + for, in spite of suffering, it was beautiful and loving; but + dearer than all these things to my mind were the marks of + passion it exhibited, the petulant, almost scornful mouth, + and the half-eager, half-weary expression of the eyes, for + these seemed rather to belong to that imperfect world from + which I had been severed, and which was still dear to my + unregenerate heart. In other respects also she differed from + the rest of the women, her dress being a long, pale-blue + robe, embroidered with saffron-colored flowers and foliage + down the middle, and also on the neck and the wide sleeves. + On the couch at her side sat the father of the house, holding + her hand and talking in low tones to her; two of the young + women sat at her feet on cushions, engaged on embroidery + work, while another stood behind her; one of the young men + was also there, and was just now showing her a sketch, and + apparently explaining something in it. + </p> + <p> + I had expected to find a sick, feeble lady, in a + dimly-lighted chamber, with perhaps one attendant at her + side; now, coming so unexpectedly before this proud-looking, + beautiful woman, with so many about her, I was completely + abashed, and, feeling too confused to say anything, stood + silent and awkward in her presence. + </p> + <p> + "This is our stranger, Chastel," said the old man to her, at + the same time bestowing an encouraging look on me. + </p> + <p> + She turned from the sketch she had been studying, and raising + herself slightly from her half-recumbent attitude, fixed her + dark eyes on me with some interest. + </p> + <p> + "I do not see why you were so much impressed," she remarked + after a while. "There is nothing very strange in him after + all." + </p> + <p> + I felt my face grow hot with shame and anger, for she seemed + to look on me and speak of me—not to me—as if I + had been some strange, semi-human creature, discovered in the + woods, and brought in as a great curiosity. + </p> + <p> + "No; it was not his countenance, only his curious garments + and his words that astonished us," said the father in reply. + </p> + <p> + She made no answer to this, but presently, addressing me + directly, said: "You were a long time in the house before you + expressed a wish to see me." + </p> + <p> + I found my speech then—a wretched, hesitating speech, + for which I hated myself—and replied, that I had asked + to be allowed to see her as soon as I had been informed of + her existence. + </p> + <p> + She turned on the father a look of surprise and inquiry. + </p> + <p> + "You must remember, Chastel," said he, "that he comes to us + from some strange, distant island, having customs different + from ours—a thing I had never heard of before. I can + give you no other explanation." + </p> + <p> + Her lip curled, and then, turning to me, she continued: "If + there are houses in your island without mothers in them, it + is not so elsewhere in the world. That you went out to travel + so poorly provided with knowledge is a marvel to us; and as I + have had the pain of telling you this, I must regret that you + ever left your own home." + </p> + <p> + I could make no reply to these words, which fell on me like + whip-strokes; and looking at the other faces, I could see no + sympathy in them for me; as they looked at her—their + mother—and listened to her words, the expression they + wore was love and devotion to her only, reminding me a little + of the angel faces on Guide's canvas of the "Coronation of + the Virgin." + </p> + <p> + "Go now," she presently added in a petulant tone; "I am + tired, and wish to rest"; and Yoletta, who had been standing + silently by me all the time, took my hand and led me from the + room. + </p> + <p> + With eyes cast down I passed through the gallery, paying no + attention to its strange, stony occupants; and leaving my + gentle conductress without a word at the door of the + music-room, I hurried away from the house. For I could feel + love and compassion in the touch of the dear girl's hand, and + it seemed to me that if she had spoken one word, my + overcharged heart would have found vent in tears. I only + wished to be alone, to brood in secret on my pain and the + bitterness of defeat; for it was plain that the woman I had + so wished to see, and, since seeing her, so wished to be + allowed to love, felt towards me nothing but contempt and + aversion, and that from no fault of my own, she, whose + friendship I most needed, was become my enemy in the house. + </p> + <p> + My steps took me to the river. Following its banks for about + a mile, I came at last to a grove of stately old trees, and + there I seated myself on a large twisted root projecting over + the water. To this sequestered spot I had come to indulge my + resentful feelings; for here I could speak out my bitterness + aloud, if I felt so minded, where there were no witnesses to + hear me. I had restrained those unmanly tears, so nearly shed + in Yoletta's presence, and kept back by dark thoughts on the + way; now I was sitting quietly by myself, safe from + observation, safe even from that sympathy my bruised spirit + could not suffer. + </p> + <p> + Scarcely had I seated myself before a great brown animal, + with black eyes, round and fierce, rose to the surface of the + stream half a dozen yards from my feet; then quickly catching + sight of me, it plunged noisily again under water, breaking + the clear image reflected there with a hundred ripples. I + waited for the last wavelet to fade away, but when the + surface was once more still and smooth as dark glass, I began + to be affected by the profounded silence and melancholy of + nature, and by a something proceeding from + nature—phantom, emanation, essence, I know not what. My + soul, not my sense, perceived it, standing with finger on + lips, there, close to me; its feet resting on the motionless + water, which gave no reflection of its image, the clear amber + sunlight passing undimmed through its substance. To my soul + its spoken "Hush!" was audible, and again, and yet again, it + said "Hush!" until the tumult in me was still, and I could + not think my own thoughts. I could thereafter only listen, + breathless, straining my senses to catch some natural sound, + however faint. Far away in the dim distance, in some blue + pasture, a cow was lowing, and the recurring sound passed me + like the humming flight of an insect, then fainter still, + like an imagined sound, until it ceased. A withered leaf fell + from the tree-top; I heard it fluttering downwards, touching + other leaves in its fall until the silent grass received it. + Then, as I listened for another leaf, suddenly from overhead + came the brief gushing melody of some late singer, a + robin-like sound, ringing out clear and distinct as a + flourish on a clarionet: brilliant, joyous, and unexpected, + yet in keeping with that melancholy quiet, affecting the mind + like a spray of gold and scarlet embroidery on a pale, + neutral ground. The sun went down, and in setting, kindled + the boles of the old trees here and there into pillars of red + fire, while others in deeper shade looked by contrast like + pillars of ebony; and wherever the foliage was thinnest, the + level rays shining through imparted to the sere leaves a + translucence and splendor that was like the stained glass in + the windows of some darkening cathedral. All along the river + a white mist began to rise, a slight wind sprang up and the + vapor drifted, drowning the reeds and bushes, and wreathing + its ghostly arms about the old trees: and watching the mist, + and listening to the "hallowed airs and symphonies" whispered + by the low wind, I felt that there was no longer any anger in + my heart. Nature, and something in and yet more than nature, + had imparted her "soft influences" and healed her "wandering + and distempered child" until he could no more be a "jarring + and discordant thing" in her sweet and sacred presence. + </p> + <p> + When I looked up a change had come over the scene: the round, + full moon had risen, silvering the mist, and filling the + wide, dim earth with a new mysterious glory. I rose from my + seat and returned to the house, and with that new insight and + comprehension which had come to me—that <i>message</i>, + as I could not but regard it—I now felt nothing but + love and sympathy for the suffering woman who had wounded me + with her unmerited displeasure, and my only desire was to + show my devotion to her. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 13 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + As I approached the building, soft strains floating far out + into the night-air became audible, and I knew that the sweet + spirit of music, to which they were all so devoted, was + present with them. After listening for awhile in the shadow + of the portico I went in, and, anxious to avoid disturbing + the singers, stole away into a dusky corner, where I sat down + by myself. Yoletta had, however, seen me enter, for presently + she came to me. + </p> + <p> + "Why did you not come in to supper, Smith?" she said. "And + why do you look so sad?" + </p> + <p> + "Do you need to ask, Yoletta? Ah, it would have made me so + happy if I could have won your mother's affection! If she + only knew how much I wish for it, and how much I sympathize + with her! But she will never like me, and all I wished to say + to her must be left unsaid." + </p> + <p> + "No, not so," she said. "Come with me to her now: if you feel + like that, she will be kind to you—how should it be + otherwise?" + </p> + <p> + I greatly feared that she advised me to take an imprudent + step; but she was my guide, my teacher and friend in the + house, and I resolved to do as she wished. There were no + lights in the long gallery when we entered it again, only the + white moonbeams coming through the tall windows here and + there lit up a column or a group of statues, which threw + long, black shadows on floor and Wall, giving the chamber a + weird appearance. Once more, when I reached the middle of the + room, I paused, for there before me, ever bending forward, + sat that wonderful woman of stone, the moonlight streaming + full on her pale, wistful face and silvery hair. + </p> + <p> + "Tell me, Yoletta, who is this?" I whispered. "Is it a statue + of some one who lived in this house?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; you can read about her in the history of the house, and + in this inscription on the stone. She was a mother, and her + name was Isarte." + </p> + <p> + "But why has she that strange, haunting expression on her + face? Was she unhappy?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, can you not see that she was unhappy! She endured many + sorrows, and the crowning calamity of her life was the loss + of seven loved sons. They were away in the mountains + together, and did not return when expected: for many years + she waited for tidings of them. It was conjectured that a + great rock had fallen on and crushed them beneath it. Grief + for her lost children made her hair white, and gave that + expression to her face." + </p> + <p> + "And when did this happen?" + </p> + <p> + "Over two thousand years ago." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, then it is a very old family tradition. But the + statue—when was that made and placed here?" + </p> + <p> + "She had it made and placed here herself. It was her wish + that the grief she endured should be remembered in the house + for all time, for no one had ever suffered like her; and the + inscription, which she caused to be put on the stone, says + that if there shall ever come to a mother in the house a + sorrow exceeding hers, the statue shall be removed from its + place and destroyed, and the fragments buried in the earth + with all forgotten things, and the name of Isarte forgotten + in the house." + </p> + <p> + It oppressed my mind to think of so long a period of time + during which that unutterably sad face had gazed down on so + many generations of the living. "It is most strange!" I + murmured. "But do you think it right, Yoletta, that the grief + of one person should be perpetuated like that in the house; + for who can look on this face without pain, even when it is + remembered that the sorrow it expresses ended so many + centuries ago?" + </p> + <p> + "But she was a mother, Smith, do you not understand? It would + not be right for us to wish to have our griefs remembered for + ever, to cause sorrow to those who succeed us; but a mother + is different: her wishes are sacred, and what she wills is + right." + </p> + <p> + Her words surprised me not a little, for I had heard of + infallible men, but never of women; moreover, the woman I was + now going to see was also a "mother in the house," a + successor to this very Isarte. Fearing that I had touched on + a dangerous topic, I said no more, and proceeding on our way, + we soon reached the mother's room, the large glass door of + which now stood wide open. In the pale light of the + moon—for there was no other in the room—we found + Chastel on the couch where I had seen her before, but she was + lying extended at full length now, and had only one attendant + with her. + </p> + <p> + Yoletta approached her, and, stooping, touched her lips to + the pale, still face. "Mother," she said, "I have brought + Smith again; he is anxious to say something to you, if you + will hear him." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I will hear him," she replied. "Let him sit near me; + and now go back, for your voice is needed. And you may also + leave me now," she added, addressing the other lady. + </p> + <p> + The two then departed together, and I proceeded to seat + myself on a cushion beside the couch. + </p> + <p> + "What is it you wish to say to me?" she asked. The words were + not very encouraging, but her voice sounded gentler now, and + I at once began. "Hush," she said, before I had spoken two + words. "Wait until this ends—I am listening to + Yoletta's voice." + </p> + <p> + Through the long, dusky gallery and the open doors soft + strains of music were floating to us, and now, mingling with + the others, a clearer, bell-like voice was heard, which + soared to greater heights; but soon this ceased to be + distinguishable, and then she sighed and addressed me again. + "Where have you been all the evening, for you were not at + supper?" + </p> + <p> + "Did you know that?" I asked in surprise. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I know everything that passes in the house. Reading and + work of all kinds are a pain and weariness. The only thing + left to me is to listen to what others do or say, and to know + all their comings and goings. My life is nothing now but a + shadow of other people's lives." + </p> + <p> + "Then," I said, "I must tell you how I spent the time after + seeing you to-day; for I was alone, and no other person can + say what I did. I went away along the river until I came to + the grove of great trees on the bank, and there I sat until + the moon rose, with my heart full of unspeakable pain and + bitterness." + </p> + <p> + "What made you have those feelings?" + </p> + <p> + "When I heard of you, and saw you, my heart was drawn to you, + and I wished above all things in the world to be allowed to + love and serve you, and to have a share in your affection; + but your looks and words expressed only contempt and dislike + towards me. Would it not have been strange if I had not felt + extremely unhappy?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh," she replied, "now I can understand the reason of the + surprise your words have often caused in the house! Your very + feelings seem unlike ours. No other person would have + experienced the feelings you speak of for such a cause. It is + right to repent your faults, and to bear the burden of them + quietly; but it is a sign of an undisciplined spirit to feel + bitterness, and to wish to cast the blame of your suffering + on another. You forget that I had reason to be deeply + offended with you. You also forget my continual suffering, + which sometimes makes me seem harsh and unkind against my + will." + </p> + <p> + "Your words seem only sweet and gracious now," I returned. + "They have lifted a great weight from my heart, and I wish I + could repay you for them by taking some portion of your + suffering on myself." + </p> + <p> + "It is right that you should have that feeling, but idle to + express it," she answered gravely. "If such wishes could be + fulfilled my sufferings would have long ceased, since any one + of my children would gladly lay down his life to procure me + ease." + </p> + <p> + To this speech, which sounded like another rebuke, I made no + reply. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, this is bitterness indeed—a bitterness you cannot + know," she resumed after a while. "For you and for others + there is always the refuge of death from continued + sufferings: the brief pang of dissolution, bravely met, is + nothing in comparison with a lingering agony like mine, with + its long days and longer nights, extending to years, and that + great blackness of the end ever before the mind. This only a + mother can know, since the horror of utter darkness, and vain + clinging to life, even when it has ceased to have any hope or + joy in it, is the penalty she must pay for her higher state." + </p> + <p> + I could not understand all her words, and only murmured in + reply: "You are young to speak of death." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, young; that is why it is so bitter to think of. In old + age the feelings are not so keen." Then suddenly she put out + her hands towards me, and, when I offered mine, caught my + fingers with a nervous grasp and drew herself to a sitting + position. "Ah, why must I be afflicted with a misery others + have not known!" she exclaimed excitedly. "To be lifted above + the others, when so young; to have one child only; then after + so brief a period of happiness, to be smitten with + barrenness, and this lingering malady ever gnawing like a + canker at the roots of life! Who has suffered like me in the + house? You only, Isarte, among the dead. I will go to you, + for my grief is more than I can bear; and it may be that I + shall find comfort even in speaking to the dead, and to a + stone. Can you bear me in your arms?" she said, clasping me + round the neck. "Take me up in your arms and carry me to + Isarte." + </p> + <p> + I knew what she meant, having so recently heard the story of + Isarte, and in obedience to her command I raised her from the + couch. She was tall, and heavier than I had expected, though + so greatly emaciated; but the thought that she was Yoletta's + mother, and the mother of the house, nerved me to my task, + and cautiously moving step by step through the gloom, I + carried her safely to that white-haired, moonlit woman of + stone in the long gallery. When I had ascended the steps and + brought her sufficiently near, she put her arms about the + statue, and pressed its stony lips with hers. + </p> + <p> + "Isarte, Isarte, how cold your lips are!" she murmured, in + low, desponding tones. "Now, when I look into these eyes, + which are yours, and yet not yours, and kiss these stony + lips, how sorely does the hunger in my heart tempt me to sin! + But suffering has not darkened my reason; I know it is an + offense to ask anything of Him who gives us life and all good + things freely, and has no pleasure in seeing us miserable. + This thought restrains me; else I would cry to Him to turn + this stone to flesh, and for one brief hour to bring back to + it the vanished spirit of Isarte. For there is no one living + that can understand my pain; but you would understand it, and + put my tired head against your breast, and cover me with your + grief-whitened hair as with a mantle. For your pain was like + mine, and exceeded mine, and no soul could measure it, + therefore in the hunger of your heart you looked far off into + the future, where some one would perhaps have a like + affliction, and suffer without hope, as you suffered, and + measure your pain, and love your memory, and feel united with + you, even over the gulf of long centuries of time. You would + speak to me of it all, and tell me that the greatest grief + was to go away into darkness, leaving no one with your blood + and your spirit to inherit the house. This also is my grief, + Isarte, for I am barren and eaten up by death, and must soon + go away to be where you are. When I am gone, the father of + the house will take no other one to his bosom, for he is old, + and his life is nearly complete; and in a little while he + will follow me, but with no pain and anguish like mine to + cloud his serene spirit. And who will then inherit our place? + Ah, my sister, how bitter to think of it! for then a stranger + will be the mother of the house, and my one only child will + sit at her feet, calling her mother, serving her with her + hands, and loving and worshiping her with her heart!" + </p> + <p> + The excitement had now burned itself out: she had dropped her + head wearily on my shoulder, and bade me take her back. When + I had safely deposited her on the couch again, she remained + for some minutes with her face covered, silently weeping. + </p> + <p> + The scene in the gallery had deeply affected me; now, + however, while I sat by her, pondering over it, my mind + reverted to that vanished world of sorrow and different + social conditions in which I had lived, and where the lot of + so many poor suffering souls seemed to me so much more + desolate than that of this unhappy lady, who had, I imagined, + much to console her. It even seemed to me that the grief I + had witnessed was somewhat morbid and overstrained; and, + thinking that it would perhaps divert her mind from brooding + too much over her own troubles, I ventured, when she had + grown calm again, to tell her some of my memories. I asked + her to imagine a state of the world and the human family, in + which all women were, in one sense, on an equality—all + possessing the same capacity for suffering; and where all + were, or would be, wives and mothers, and without any such + mysterious remedy against lingering pain as she had spoken + of. But I had not proceeded far with my picture before she + interrupted me. + </p> + <p> + "Do not say more," she said, with an accent of displeasure. + "This, I suppose, is another of those grotesque fancies you + sometimes give expression to, about which I heard a great + deal when you first came to us. That all people should be + equal, and all women wives and mothers seems to me a very + disordered and a very repulsive idea The one consolation in + my pain, the one glory of my life could not exist in such a + state as that, and my condition would be pitiable indeed. All + others would be equally miserable. The human race would + multiply, until the fruits of the soil would be insufficient + for its support; and earth would be filled with degenerate + beings, starved in body and debased in mind—all + clinging to an existence utterly without joy. Life is dark to + me, but not to others: these are matters beyond you, and it + is presumptuous in one of your condition to attempt to + comfort me with idle fancies." + </p> + <p> + After some moments of silence, she resumed: "The father has + said to-day that you came to us from an island where even the + customs of the people are different from ours; and perhaps + one of their unhappy methods is to seek to medicine a real + misery by imagining some impossible and immeasurably greater + one. In no other way can I account for your strange words to + me; for I cannot believe that any race exists so debased as + actually to practice the things you speak of. Remember that I + do not ask or desire to be informed. We have a different way; + for although it is conceivable that present misery might be + mitigated, or forgotten for a season, by giving up the soul + to delusions, even by summoning before the mind repulsive and + horrible images, that would be to put to an unlawful use, and + to pervert, the brightest faculties our Father has given us: + therefore we seek no other support in all sufferings and + calamities but that of reason only. If you wish for my + affection, you will not speak of such things again, but will + endeavor to purify yourself from a mental vice, which may + sometimes, in periods of suffering, give you a false comfort + for a brief season, only to degrade you, and sink you later + in a deeper misery. You must now leave me." + </p> + <p> + This unexpected and sharp rebuke did not anger me, but it + made me very sad; for I now perceived plainly enough that no + great advantage would come to me from Chastel's acquaintance, + since it was necessary to be so very circumspect with her. + Deeply troubled, and in a somewhat confused state of mind, I + rose to depart. Then she placed her thin, feverish white hand + on mine. "You need not go away again," she said, "to indulge + in bitter feelings by yourself because I have said this to + you. You may come with the others to see me and talk to me + whenever I am able to sit here and bear it. I shall not + remember your offense, but shall be glad to know that there + is another soul in the house to love and honor me." + </p> + <p> + With such comfort as these words afforded I returned to the + music-room, and, finding it empty, went out to the terrace, + where the others were now strolling about in knots and + couples, conversing and enjoying the lovely moonlight. + Wandering a little distance away by myself, I sat down on a + bench under a tree, and presently Yoletta came to me there, + and closely scrutinized my face. + </p> + <p> + "Have you nothing to tell me?" she asked. "Are you happier + now?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dearest, for I have been spoke to very kindly; and I + should have been happier if only—" But I checked myself + in time, and said no more to her about my conversation with + the mother. To myself I said: "Oh, that island, that island! + Why can't I forget its miserable customs, or, at any rate, + stick to my own resolution to hold my tongue about them?" + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 14 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + From that day I was frequently allowed to enter the Mother's + Room, but, as I had feared, these visits failed to bring me + into any closer relationship with the lady of the house. She + had indeed forgotten my offense: I was one of her children, + sharing equally with the others in her impartial affection, + and privileged to sit at her feet to relate to her the + incidents of the day, or describe all I had seen, and + sometimes to touch her thin white hand with my lips. But the + distance separating us was not forgotten. At the two first + interviews she had taught me, once for all, that it was for + me to love, honor, and serve her, and that anything beyond + that—any attempt to win her confidence, to enter into + her thoughts, or make her understand my feelings and + aspirations—was regarded as pure presumption on my + part. The result was that I was less happy than I had been + before knowing her: my naturally buoyant and hopeful temper + became tinged with melancholy, and that vision of exquisite + bliss in the future, which had floated before me, luring me + on, now began to look pale, and to seem further and further + away. + </p> + <p> + After my walk with Yoletta—if it can be called a + walk—I began to look out for the rainbow lilies, and + soon discovered that everywhere under the grass they were + beginning to sprout from the soil. At first I found them in + the moist valley of the river, but very soon they were + equally abundant on the higher lands, and even on barren, + stony places, where they appeared latest. I felt very curious + about these flowers, of which Yoletta had spoken so + enthusiastically, and watched the slow growth of the long, + slender buds from day to day with considerable impatience. At + length, in a moist hollow of the forest, I was delighted to + find the full-blown flower. In shape it resembled a tulip, + but was more open, and the color a most vivid orange yellow; + it had a slight delicate perfume, and was very pretty, with a + peculiar waxy gloss on the thick petals, still, I was rather + disappointed, since the name of "rainbow lily," and Yoletta's + words, had led me to expect a many-colored flower of + surpassing beauty. + </p> + <p> + I plucked the lily carefully, and was taking it home to + present it to her, when all at once I remembered that only on + one occasion had I seen flowers in her hand, and in the hands + of the others, and that was when they were burying their + dead. They never wore a flower, nor had I ever seen one in + the house, not even in that room where Chastel was kept a + prisoner by her malady, and where her greatest delight was to + have nature in all its beauty and fragrance brought to her in + the conversation of her children. The only flowers in the + house were in their illuminations, and those wrought in metal + and carved in wood, and the immortal, stony flowers of many + brilliant hues in their mosaics. I began to fear that there + was some superstition which made it seem wrong to them to + gather flowers, except for funeral ceremonies, and afraid of + offending from want of thought, I dropped the lily on the + ground, and said nothing about it to any one. + </p> + <p> + Then, before any more open lilies were found, an unexpected + sorrow came to me. After changing my dress on returning from + the fields one afternoon, I was taken to the hall of + judgment, and at once jumped to the conclusion that I had + again unwittingly fallen into disgrace; but on arriving at + that uncomfortable apartment I perceived that this was not + the case. Looking round at the assembled company I missed + Yoletta, and my heart sank in me, and I even wished that my + first impression had proved correct. On the great stone + table, before which the father was seated, lay an open folio, + the leaf displayed being only illuminated at the top and + inner margin; the colored part at the top I noticed was torn, + the rent extending down to about the middle of the page. + </p> + <p> + Presently the dear girl appeared, with tearful eyes and + flushed face, and advancing hurriedly to the father, she + stood before him with downcast eyes. + </p> + <p> + "My daughter, tell me how and why you did this?" he demanded, + pointing to the open volume. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, father, look at this," she returned, half-sobbing, and + touching the lower end of the colored margin with her finger. + "Do you see how badly it is colored? And I had spent three + days in altering and retouching it, and still it displeased + me. Then, in sudden anger, I pushed the book from me, and + seeing it slipping from the stand I caught the leaf to + prevent it from falling, and it was torn by the weight of the + book. Oh, dear father, will you forgive me?" + </p> + <p> + "Forgive you, my daughter? Do you not know how it grieves my + heart to punish you; but how can this offense to the house be + forgiven, which must stand in evidence against us from + generation to generation? For we cease to be, but the house + remains; and the writing we leave on it, whether it be good + or evil, that too remains for ever. An unkind word is an evil + thing, an unkind deed a worse, but when these are repented + they may be forgiven and forgotten. But an injury done to the + house cannot be forgotten, for it is the flaw in the stone + that keeps its place, the crude, inharmonious color which + cannot be washed out with water. Consider, my daughter, in + the long life of the house, how many unborn men will turn the + leaves of this book, and coming to this leaf will be offended + at so grievous a disfigurement! If we of this generation were + destined to live for ever, then it might be written on this + page for a punishment and warning:" Yoletta tore it in her + anger. "But we must pass away and be nothing to succeeding + generations, and it would not be right that Yoletta's name + should be remembered for the wrong she did to the house, and + all she did for its good forgotten." + </p> + <p> + A painful silence ensued, then, lifting her tear-stained + face, she said: "Oh father, what must my punishment be?" + </p> + <p> + "Dear child, it will be a light one, for we consider your + youth and impulsive nature, and also that the wrong you did + was partly the result of accident. For thirty days you must + live apart from us, subsisting on bread and water, and + holding intercourse with one person only, who will assist you + with your work and provide you with all things necessary." + </p> + <p> + This seemed to me a harsh, even a cruel punishment for so + trivial an offense, or accident, rather; but she was not + perhaps of the same mind, for she kissed his hand, as if in + gratitude for his leniency. + </p> + <p> + "Tell me, child," he said, putting his hand on her head, and + regarding her with misty eyes, "who shall attend you in your + seclusion?" + </p> + <p> + "Edra," she murmured; and the other, coming forward, took her + by the hand and led her away. + </p> + <p> + I gazed eagerly after her as she retired, hungering for one + look from her dear eyes before that long separation; but they + were filled with tears and bent on the floor, and in a moment + she was gone from sight. + </p> + <p> + The succeeding days were to me dreary beyond description. For + the first time I became fully conscious of the strength of a + passion which had now become a consuming fire in my breast, + and could only end in utter misery—perhaps in + destruction—or else in a degree of happiness no mortal + had ever tasted before. I went about listlessly, like one on + whom some heavy calamity has fallen: all interest in my work + was lost; my food seemed tasteless; study and conversation + had become a weariness; even in those divine concerts, which + fitly brought each tranquil day to its close, there was no + charm now, since Yoletta's voice, which love had taught my + dull ear to distinguish no longer had any part in it. I was + not allowed to enter the Mother's Room of an evening now, and + the exclusion extended also to the others, Edra only + excepted; for at this hour, when it was customary for the + family to gather in the music-room, Yoletta was taken from + her lonely chamber to be with her mother. This was told me, + and I also elicited, by means of some roundabout questioning, + that it was always in the mother's power to have any per-son + undergoing punishment taken to her, she being, as it were, + above the law. She could even pardon a delinquent and set him + free if she felt so minded, although in this case she had not + chosen to exercise her prerogative, probably because her + "sufferings had not clouded her understanding." They were + treating her very hardly—father and mother both—I + thought in my bitterness. + </p> + <p> + The gradual opening of the rainbow lilies served only to + remind me every hour and every minute of that bright young + spirit thus harshly deprived of the pleasure she had so + eagerly anticipated. She, above them all, rejoiced in the + beauty of this visible world, regarding nature in some of its + moods and aspects with a feeling almost bordering on + adoration; but, alas! she alone was shut out from this glory + which God had spread over the earth for the delight of all + his children. + </p> + <p> + Now I knew why these autumnal flowers were called rainbow + lilies, and remembered how Yoletta had told me that they gave + a beauty to the earth which could not be described or + imagined. The flowers were all undoubtedly of one species, + having the same shape and perfume, although varying greatly + in size, according to the nature of the soil on which they + grew. But in different situations they varied in color, one + color blending with, or passing by degrees into another, + wherever the soil altered its character. Along the valleys, + where they first began to bloom, and in all moist situations, + the hue was yellow, varying, according to the amount of + moisture in different places, from pale primrose to deep + orange, this passing again into vivid scarlet and reds of + many shades. On the plains the reds prevailed, changing into + various purples on hills and mountain slopes; but high on the + mountains the color was blue; and this also had many + gradations, from the lower deep cornflower blue to a delicate + azure on the summits, resembling that of the forget-me-not + and hairbell. + </p> + <p> + The weather proved singularly favorable to those who spent + their time in admiring the lilies, and this now seemed to be + almost the only occupation of the inmates, excepting, of + course, sick Chastel, imprisoned Yoletta, and myself—I + being too forlorn to admire anything. Calm, bright days + without a cloud succeeded each other, as if the very elements + held the lilies sacred and ventured not to cast any shadow + over their mystic splendor. Each morning one of the men would + go out some distance from the house and blow on a horn, which + could be heard distinctly two miles away; and presently a + number of horses, in couples and troops, would come galloping + in, after which they would remain all the morning grazing and + gamboling about the house. These horses were now in constant + requisition, all the members of the family, male and female, + spending several hours every day in careering over the + surrounding country, seemingly without any particular object. + The contagion did not affect me, however, for, although I had + always been a bold rider (in my own country), and excessively + fond of horseback exercise, their fashion of riding without + bridles, and on diminutive straw saddles, seemed to me + neither safe nor pleasant. + </p> + <p> + One morning after breakfasting, I took my ax, and was + proceeding slowly, immersed in thought, to the forest, when + hearing a slight swishing sound of hoofs on the grass, I + turned and beheld the venerable father, mounted on his + charger, and rushing away towards the hills at an insanely + break-neck pace. His long garment was gathered tightly round + his spare form, his feet drawn up and his head bent far + forward, while the wind of his speed divided his beard, which + flew out in two long streamers behind. All at once he caught + sight of me, and, touching the animal's neck, swept + gracefully round in narrowing circles, each circle bringing + him nearer, until he came to a stand at my side; then his + horse began rubbing his nose on my hand, its breath feeling + like fire on my skin. + </p> + <p> + "Smith," said he, with a grave smile, "if you cannot be happy + unless you are laboring in the forest with your ax you must + proceed with your wood-cutting; but I confess it surprises me + as much to see you going to work on a day like this, as it + would to see you walking inverted on your hands, and dangling + your heels in the air." + </p> + <p> + "Why?" said I, surprised at this speech. + </p> + <p> + "If you do not know I must tell you. At night we sleep; in + the morning we bathe; we eat when we are hungry, converse + when we feel inclined, and on most days labor a certain + number of hours. But more than these things, which have a + certain amount of pleasure in them, are the precious moments + when nature reveals herself to us in all her beauty. We give + ourselves wholly to her then, and she refreshes us; the + splendor fades, but the wealth it brings to the soul remains + to gladden us. That must be a dull spirit that cannot suspend + its toil when the sun is setting in glory, or the violet + rainbow appears on the cloud. Every day brings us special + moments to gladden us, just as we have in the house every day + our time of melody and recreation. But this supreme and more + enduring glory of nature comes only once every year; and + while it lasts, all labor, except that which is pressing and + necessary, is unseemly, and an offense to the Father of the + world." He paused, but I did not know what to say in reply, + and presently he resumed: "My son, there are horses waiting + for you, and unless you are more unlike us in mind than I + ever imagined, you will now take one and ride to the hills, + where, owing to the absence of forests, the earth can now be + seen at its best." + </p> + <p> + I was about to thank him and turn back, but the thought of + Yoletta, to whom each heavy day now seemed a year, oppressed + by heart, and I continued standing motionless, with downcast + eyes, wishing, yet fearing, to speak. + </p> + <p> + "Why is your mind troubled, my son?" he said kindly. + </p> + <p> + "Father," I answered, that word which I now ventured to use + for the first time trembling from my lips, "the beauty of the + earth is very much to me, but I cannot help remembering that + to Yoletta it is even more, and the thought takes away all my + pleasure. The flowers will fade, and she will not see them." + </p> + <p> + "My son, I am glad to hear these words," he answered, + somewhat to my surprise, for I had greatly feared that I had + adopted too bold a course. "For I see now," he continued, + "that this seeming indifference, which gave me some pain, + does not proceed from an incapacity on your part to feel as + we do, but from a tender love and compassion—that most + precious of all our emotions, which will serve to draw you + closer to us. I have also thought much of Yoletta during + these beautiful days, grieving for her, and this morning I + have allowed her to go out into the hills, so that during + this day, at least, she will be able to share in our + pleasure." + </p> + <p> + Scarcely waiting for another word to be spoken, I flew back + to the house, anxious enough for a ride now. The little straw + saddle seemed now as comfortable as a couch, nor was the + bridle missed; for, nerved with that intense desire to find + and speak to my love, I could have ridden securely on the + slippery back of a giraffe, charging over rough ground with a + pack of lions at its heels. Away I went at a speed never + perhaps attained by any winner of the Derby, which made the + shining hairs of my horse's mane whistle in the still air; + down valleys, up hills, flying like a bird over roaring + burns, rocks, and thorny bushes, never pausing until I was + far away among those hills where that strange accident had + befallen me, and from which I had recovered to find the earth + so changed. I then ascended a great green hill, the top of + which must have been over a thousand feet above the + surrounding country. When I had at length reached this + elevation, which I did walking and climbing, my steed + docilely scrambling up after me, the richness and novelty of + the unimaginable and indescribable scene which opened before + me affected me in a strange way, smiting my heart with a pain + intense and unfamiliar. For the first time I experienced + within myself that miraculous power the mind possesses of + reproducing instantaneously, and without perspective, the + events, feelings, and thoughts of long years—an + experience which sometimes comes to a person suddenly + confronted with death, and in other moments of supreme + agitation. A thousand memories and a thousand thoughts were + stirring in me: I was conscious now, as I had not been + before, of the past and the present, and these two existed in + my mind, yet separated by a great gulf of time—a blank + and a nothingness which yet oppressed me with its horrible + vastness. How aimless and solitary, how awful my position + seemed! It was like that of one beneath whose feet the world + suddenly crumbles into ashes and dust, and is scattered + throughout the illimitable void, while he survives, blown to + some far planet whose strange aspect, however beautiful, + fills him with an undefinable terror. And I knew, and the + knowledge only intensified my pain, that my agitation, the + strugglings of my soul to recover that lost life, were like + the vain wing-beats of some woodland bird, blown away a + thousand miles over the sea, into which it must at last sink + down and perish. + </p> + <p> + Such a mental state cannot endure for more than a few + moments, and passing away, it left me weary and despondent. + With dull, joyless eyes I continued gazing for upwards of an + hour on the prospect beneath me; for I had now given up all + hopes of seeing Yoletta, not yet having encountered a single + person since starting for my ride. All about me the summit + was dotted with small lilies of a delicate blue, but at a + little distance the sober green of the grass became absorbed, + as it were, in the brighter flower-tints, and the neighboring + summits all appeared of a pure cerulean hue. Lower down this + passed into the purples of the slopes and the reds of the + plains, while the valleys, fringed with scarlet, were like + rivers of crocus-colored fire. Distance, and the light, + autumnal haze, had a subduing and harmonizing effect on the + sea of brilliant color, and further away on the immense + horizon it all faded into the soft universal blue. Over this + flowery paradise my eyes wandered restlessly, for my heart + was restless in me, and had lost the power of pleasure. With + a slight bitterness I recalled some of the words the father + had spoken to me that morning. It was all very well, I + thought, for this venerable graybeard to talk about + refreshing the soul with the sight of all this beauty; but he + seemed to lose sight of the important fact that there was a + considerable difference in our respective ages, that the + raging hunger of the heart, which he had doubtless + experienced at one time of his life, was, like bodily hunger, + not to be appeased with splendid sunsets, rainbows and + rainbow lilies, however beautiful they might seem to the eye. + </p> + <p> + Presently, on a second and lower summit of the long mountain + I had ascended, I caught sight of a person on horseback, + standing motionless as a figure of stone. At that distance + the horse looked no bigger than a greyhound, yet so + marvelously transparent was the mountain air, that I + distinctly recognized Yoletta in the rider. I started up, and + sprang joyfully onto my own horse, and waving my hand to + attract her attention, galloped recklessly down the slope; + but when I reached the opposing summit she was no longer + there, nor anywhere in sight, and it was as if the earth had + opened and swallowed her. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 15 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + During Yoletta's seclusion, my education was not allowed to + suffer, her place as instructress having been taken by Edra. + I was pleased with this arrangement, thinking to derive some + benefit from it, beyond what she might teach me; but very + soon I was forced to abandon all hope of communicating with + the imprisoned girl through her friend and jailer. Edra was + much disturbed at the suggestion; for I did venture to + suggest it, though in a tentative, roundabout form, not + feeling sure of my ground: previous mistakes had made me + cautious. Her manner was a sufficient warning; and I did not + broach the subject a second time. One afternoon, however, I + met with a great and unexpected consolation, though even this + was mixed with some perplexing matters. + </p> + <p> + One day, after looking long and earnestly into my face, said + my gentle teacher to me; "Do you know that you are changed? + All your gay spirits have left you, and you are pale and thin + and sad. Why is this?" + </p> + <p> + My face crimsoned at this very direct question, for I knew of + that change in me, and went about in continual fear that + others would presently notice it, and draw their own + conclusions. She continued looking at me, until for very + shame I turned my face aside; for if I had confessed that + separation from Yoletta caused my dejection, she would know + what that feeling meant, and I feared that any such premature + declaration would be the ruin of my prospects. + </p> + <p> + "I know the reason, though I ask you," she continued, placing + a hand on my shoulder. "You are grieving for Yoletta—I + saw it from the first. I shall tell her how pale and sad you + have grown—how different from what you were. But why do + you turn your face from me?" + </p> + <p> + I was perplexed, but her sympathy gave me courage, and made + me determined to give her my confidence. "If you know," said + I, "that I am grieving for Yoletta, can you not also guess + why I hesitate and hide my face from you?" + </p> + <p> + "No; why is it? You love me also, though not with so great a + love; but we <i>do</i> love each other, Smith, and you can + confide in me?" + </p> + <p> + I looked into her face now, straight into her transparent + eyes, and it was plain to see that she had not yet guessed my + meaning. + </p> + <p> + "Dearest Edra," I said, taking her hand, "I love you as much + as if one mother had given us birth. But I love Yoletta with + a different love—not as one loves a sister. She is more + to me than any one else in the world; so much is she that + life without her would be a burden. Do you not know what that + means?" And then, remembering Yoletta's words on the hills, I + added: "Do you not know of more than one kind of love?" + </p> + <p> + "No," she answered, still gazing inquiringly into my face. + "But I know that your love for her so greatly exceeds all + others, that it is like a different feeling. I shall tell + her, since it is sweet to be loved, and she will be glad to + know it." + </p> + <p> + "And after you have told her, Edra, shall you make known her + reply to me?" + </p> + <p> + "No, Smith; it is an offense to suggest, or even to think, + such a thing, however much you may love her, for she is not + allowed to converse with any one directly or through me. She + told me that she saw you on the hills, and that you tried to + go to her, and it distressed her very much. But she will + forgive you when I have told her how great your love is, that + the desire to look on her face made you forget how wrong it + was to approach her." + </p> + <p> + How strange and incomprehensible it seemed that Edra had so + misinterpreted my feeling! It seemed also to me that they + all, from the father of the house downwards, were very blind + indeed to set down so strong an emotion to mere brotherly + affection. I had wished, yet feared, to remove the scales + from their eyes; and now, in an unguarded moment, I had made + the attempt, and my gentle confessor had failed to understand + me. Nevertheless, I extracted some comfort from this + conversation; for Yoletta would know how greatly my love + exceeded that of her own kindred, and I hoped against hope + that a responsive emotion would at last awaken in her breast. + </p> + <p> + When the last of those leaden-footed thirty days + arrived—the day on which, according to my computation, + Yoletta would recover liberty before the sun set—I rose + early from the straw pallet where I had tossed all night, + prevented from sleeping by the prospect of reunion, and the + fever of impatience I was in. The cold river revived me, and + when we were assembled in the breakfast-room I observed Edra + watching me, with a curious, questioning smile on her lips. I + asked her the reason. + </p> + <p> + "You are like a person suddenly recovered from sickness," she + replied. "Your eyes sparkle like sunshine on the water, and + your cheeks that were so pallid yesterday burn redder than an + autumn leaf." Then, smiling, she added these precious words: + "Yoletta will be glad to return to us, more on your account + than her own." + </p> + <p> + After we had broken our fast, I determined to go to the + forest and spend the day there. For many days past I had + shirked woodcutting; but now it seemed impossible for me to + settle down to any quiet, sedentary kind of work, the + consuming impatience and boundless energy I felt making me + wish for some unusually violent task, such as would exhaust + the body and give, perhaps, a rest to the mind. Taking my ax, + and the usual small basket of provisions for my noonday meal, + I left the house; and on this morning I did not walk, but ran + as if for a wager, taking long, flying leaps over bushes and + streams that had never tempted me before. Arrived at the + scene of action, I selected a large tree which had been + marked out for felling, and for hours I hacked at it with an + energy almost superhuman; and at last, before I had felt any + disposition to rest, the towering old giant, bowing its head + and rustling its sere foliage as if in eternal farewell to + the skies, came with a mighty crash to the earth. Scarcely + was it fallen before I felt that I had labored too long and + violently: the dry, fresh breeze stung my burning cheeks like + needles of ice, my knees trembled under me, and the whole + world seemed to spin round; then, casting myself upon a bed + of chips and withered leaves, I lay gasping for breath, with + only life enough left in me to wonder whether I had fainted + or not. Recovered at length from this exhausted condition, I + sat up, and rejoiced to observe that half the day—that + last miserable day—had already flown. Then the thoughts + of the approaching evening, and all the happiness it would + bring, inspired me with fresh zeal and strength, and, + starting to my feet, and taking no thought of my food, I + picked up the ax and made a fresh onslaught on the fallen + tree. I had already accomplished more than a day's work, but + the fever in my blood and brain urged me on to the arduous + task of lopping off the huge branches; and my exertions did + not cease until once more the world, with everything on it, + began revolving like a whirligig, compelling me to desist and + take a still longer rest. And sitting there I thought only of + Yoletta. How would she look after that long seclusion? Pale, + and sad too perhaps; and her sweet, soulful eyes—oh, + would I now see in them that new light for which I had + watched and waited so long? + </p> + <p> + Then, while I thus mused, I heard, not far off, a slight + rustling sound, as of a hare startled at seeing me, and + bounding away over the withered leaves; and lifting up my + eyes from the ground, I beheld Yoletta herself hastening + towards me, her face shining with joy. I sprang forward to + meet her, and in another moment she was locked in my arms. + That one moment of unspeakable happiness seemed to out-weigh + a hundred times all the misery I had endured. "Oh, my sweet + darling—at last, at last, my pain is ended!" I + murmured, while pressing her again and again to my heart, and + kissing that dear face, which looked now so much thinner than + when I had last seen it. + </p> + <p> + She bent back her head, like Genevieve in the ballad, to look + me in the face, her eyes filled with tears—crystal, + happy drops, which dimmed not their brightness. But her face + was pale, with a pensive pallor like that of the <i>Gloire de + Dijon</i> rose; only now excitement had suffused her cheeks + with the tints of that same rose—that red so unlike the + bloom on other faces in vanished days; so tender and delicate + and precious above all tints in nature! + </p> + <p> + "I know," she spoke, "how you were grieving for me, that you + were pale and dejected. Oh, how strange you should love me so + much!" + </p> + <p> + "Strange, darling—that word again! It is the one + sweetness and joy of life. And are you not glad to be loved?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I cannot tell you how glad; but am I not here in your + arms to show it? When I heard that you had gone to the wood I + did not wait, but ran here as fast as I could. Do you + remember that evening on the hill, when you vexed me with + questions, and I could not understand your words? Now, when I + love you so much more, I can understand them better. Tell me, + have I not done as you wished, and given myself to you, body + and soul? How thirty days have changed you! Oh, Smith, do you + love me so much?" + </p> + <p> + "I love you so much, dear, that if you were to die, there + would be no more pleasure in life for me, and I should prefer + to lie near you underground. All day long I am thinking of + you, and when I sleep you are in all ray dreams." + </p> + <p> + She still continued gazing into my face, those happy tears + still shining in her eyes, listening to my words; but alas! + on that sweet, beautiful face, so full of changeful + expression, there was not the expression I sought, and no + sign of that maidenly shame which gave to Genevieve in the + ballad such an exquisite grace in her lover's eyes. + </p> + <p> + "I also had dreams of you," she answered. "They came to me + after Edra had told me how pale and sad you had grown." + </p> + <p> + "Tell me one of your dreams, darling." + </p> + <p> + "I dreamed that I was lying awake on my bed, with the moon + shining on me; I was cold, and crying bitterly because I had + been left so long alone. All at once I saw you standing at my + side in the moonlight. 'Poor Yoletta,' you said, 'your tears + have chilled you like winter rain.' Then you kissed them dry, + and when you had put your arms about me, I drew your face + against my bosom, and rested warm and happy in your love." + </p> + <p> + Oh, how her delicious words maddened me! Even my tongue and + lips suddenly became dry as ashes with the fever in me, and + could only whisper huskily when I strove to answer. I + released her from my arms and sat down on the fallen tree, + all my blissful raptures turned to a great despondence. Would + it always be thus—would she continue to embrace me, and + speak words that simulated passion while no such feeling + touched her heart? Such a state of things could not endure, + and my passion, mocked and baffled again and again, would + rend me to pieces, and hurl me on to madness and + self-destruction. For how many men had been driven by love to + such an end, and the women they had worshiped, and miserably + died for, compared with Yoletta, were like creatures of clay + compared with one of the immortals. And was she not a being + of a higher order than myself? It was folly to think + otherwise. But how had mortals always fared when they aspired + to mate with celestials? I tried then to remember something + bearing on this important point, but my mind was becoming + strangely confused. I closed my eyes to think, and presently + opening them again, saw Yoletta kneeling before me, gazing up + into my face with an alarmed expression. + </p> + <p> + "What is the matter, Smith, you seem ill?" she said; and + then, laying her fresh palm on my forehead, added: "Your head + burns like fire." + </p> + <p> + "No wonder," I returned. "I'm worrying my brains trying to + remember all about them. What were their names, and what did + they do to those who loved them—can't you tell me?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, you are ill—you have a fever and may die!" she + exclaimed, throwing her arms about my neck and pressing her + cheek to mine. + </p> + <p> + I felt a strange imbecility of mind, yet it seemed to anger + me to be told that I was ill. "I am not ill," I protested + feebly. "I never felt better in my life! But can't you answer + me—who were they, and what did they do? Tell me, or I + shall go mad." + </p> + <p> + She started up, and taking the small metal whistle hanging at + her side, blew a shrill note that seemed to pierce my brain + like a steel weapon. I tried to get up from my seat on the + trunk, but only slipped down to the ground. A dull mist and + gloom seemed to be settling down on everything; daylight, and + hope with it, was fast forsaking the world. But something was + coming to us—out of that universal mist and darkness + closing around us it came bounding swiftly through the + wood—a huge gray wolf! No, not a wolf—a wolf was + nothing to it! A mighty, roaring lion crashing through the + forest; a monster ever increasing in size, vast and of + horrible aspect, surpassing all monsters of the + imagination—all beasts, gigantic and deformed, that had + ever existed in past geologic ages; a lion with teeth like + elephants' tusks, its head clothed as with a black + thunder-cloud, through which its eyes glared like twin, + blood-red suns! And she—my love—with a cry on her + lips, was springing forth to meet it—lost, lost for + ever! I struggled frantically to rise and fly to her + assistance, and rose, after many efforts, to my knees, only + to fall again to the earth, insensible. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 16 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + The violent fever into which I had fallen did not abate until + the third day, when I fell into a profound slumber, from + which I woke refreshed and saved. I did not, on awakening, + find myself in my own familiar cell, but in a spacious + apartment new to me, on a comfortable bed, beside which Edra + was seated. Almost my first feeling was one of disappointment + at not seeing Yoletta there, and presently I began to fear + that in the ravings of delirium I had spoken things which had + plucked the scales from the eyes of my kind friends in a very + rough way indeed, and that the being I loved best had been + permanently withdrawn from my sight. It was a blessed relief + when Edra, in answer to the questions I put with some + heart-quakings to her, informed me that I had talked a great + deal in my fever, but unintelligibly, continually asking + questions about Venus, Diana, Juno, and many other persons + whose names had never before been heard in the house. How + fortunate that my crazy brain had thus continued vexing + itself with this idle question! She also told me that Yoletta + had watched day and night at my side, that at last, when the + fever left me, and I had fallen into that cooling slumber, + she too, with her hand on mine, had dropped her head on the + pillow and fallen asleep. Then, without waking her, they had + carried her away to her own room, and Edra had taken her + place by my side. + </p> + <p> + "Have you nothing more to ask?" she said at length, with an + accent of surprise. + </p> + <p> + "No; nothing more. What you have told me has made me very + happy—what more can I wish to know?" + </p> + <p> + "But there is more to tell you, Smith. We know now that your + illness is the result of your own imprudence; and as soon as + you are well enough to leave your room and bear it, you must + suffer the punishment." + </p> + <p> + "What! Punished for being ill!" I exclaimed, sitting bolt + upright in my bed. "What do you mean, Edra? I never heard + such outrageous nonsense in my life!" + </p> + <p> + She was disturbed at this outburst, but quietly and gravely + repeated that I must certainly be punished for my illness. + </p> + <p> + Remembering what their punishments were, I had the prospect + of a second long separation from Yoletta, and the thought of + such excessive severity, or rather of such cruel injustice, + made me wild. "By Heaven, I shall not submit to it!" I + exclaimed. "Punished for being ill—who ever heard of + such a thing! I suppose that by-and-by it will be discovered + that the bridge of my nose is not quite straight, or that I + can't see round the corner, and that also will be set down as + a crime, to be expiated in solitary confinement, on a + bread-and-water diet! No, you shall not punish me; rather + than give in to such tyranny I'll walk off and leave the + house for ever!" + </p> + <p> + She regarded me with an expression almost approaching to + horror on her gentle face, and for some moments made no + reply. Then I remembered that if I carried out that insane + threat I should indeed lose Yoletta, and the very thought of + such a loss was more than I could endure; and for a moment I + almost hated the love which made me so helpless and + miserable—so powerless to oppose their stupid and + barbarous practices. It would have been sweet then to have + felt free—free to fling them a curse, and go away, + shaking the dust of their house from my shoes, supposing that + any dust had adhered to them. + </p> + <p> + Then Edra began to speak again, and gravely and sorrowfully, + but without a touch of austerity in her tone or manner, + censured me for making use of such irrational language, and + for allowing bitter, resentful thoughts to enter my heart. + But the despondence and sullen rage into which I had been + thrown made me proof even against the medicine of an + admonition imparted so gently, and, turning my face away, I + stubbornly refused to make any reply. For a while she was + silent, but I misjudged her when I imagined that she would + now leave me, offended, to my own reflections. + </p> + <p> + "Do you not know that you are giving me pain?" she said at + last, drawing a little closer to me. "A little while ago you + told me that you loved me: has that feeling faded so soon, or + do you take any pleasure in wounding those you love?" + </p> + <p> + Her words, and, more than her words, her tender, pleading + tone, pierced me with compunction, and I could not resist. + "Edra, my sweet sister, do not imagine such a thing!" I said. + "I would rather endure many punishments than give you pain. + My love for you cannot fade while I have life and + understanding. It is in me like greenness in the + leaf—that beautiful color which can only be changed by + sere decay." + </p> + <p> + She smiled forgiveness, and with a humid brightness in her + eyes, which somehow made me think of that joy of the angels + over one sinner that repenteth, bent down and touched her + lips to mine. "How can you love any one more than that, + Smith?" she said. "Yet you say that your love for Yoletta + exceeds all others." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dear, exceeds all others, as the light of the sun + exceeds that of the moon and the stars. Can you not + understand that—has no man ever loved you with a love + like that, my sister?" + </p> + <p> + She shook her head and sighed. Did she not understand my + meaning now—had not my words brought back some sweet + and sorrowful memory? With her hands folded idly on her lap, + and her face half averted, she sat gazing at nothing. It + seemed impossible that this woman, so tender and so + beautiful, should never have experienced in herself or + witnessed in another, the feeling I had questioned her about. + But she made no further reply to my words; and as I lay there + watching her, the drowsy spirit the fever had left in me + overcame my brain, and I slept once more. + </p> + <p> + For several days, which brought me so little strength that I + was not permitted to leave the sick-room, I heard nothing + further about my punishment, for I purposely refrained from + asking any questions, and no person appeared inclined to + bring forward so disagreeable a subject. At length I was + pronounced well enough to go about the house, although still + very feeble, and I was conducted, not to the judgment-room, + where I had expected to be taken, but to the Mother's Room; + and there I found the father of the house, seated with + Chastel, and with them seven or eight of the others. They all + welcomed me, and seemed glad to see me out again; but I could + not help remarking a certain subdued, almost solemn air about + them, which seemed to remind me that I was regarded as an + offender already found guilty, who had now been brought up to + receive judgment. + </p> + <p> + "My son," said the father, addressing me in a calm, judicial + tone which at once put my last remaining hopes to flight, "it + is a consolation to us to know that your offense is of such a + nature that it cannot diminish our esteem for you, or loosen + the bonds of affection which unite you to us. You are still + feeble, and perhaps a little confused in mind concerning the + events of the last few days: I do not therefore press you to + give an account of them, but shall simply state your offense, + and if I am mistaken in any particular you shall correct me. + The great love you have for Yoletta," he continued—and + at this I started and blushed painfully, but the succeeding + words served to show that I had only too little cause for + alarm—"the great love you have for Yoletta caused you + much suffering during her thirty days' seclusion from us, so + that you lost all enjoyment of life, and eating little, and + being in continual dejection, your strength was much + diminished. On the last day you were so much excited at the + prospect of reunion with her, that you went to your task in + the woods almost fasting, and probably after spending a + restless night. Tell me if this is not so?" + </p> + <p> + "I did not sleep that night," I replied, somewhat huskily. + </p> + <p> + "Unrefreshed by sleep and with lessened strength," he + continued, "you went to the woods, and in order to allay that + excitement in your mind, you labored with such energy that by + noon you had accomplished a task which, in another and calmer + condition of mind and body, would have occupied you more than + one day. In thus acting you had already been guilty of a + serious offense against yourself; but even then you might + have escaped the consequences if, after finishing your work, + you had rested and refreshed yourself with food and drink. + This, however, you neglected to do; for when you had fallen + insensible to the earth, and Yoletta had called the dog and + sent it to the house to summon assistance, the food you had + taken with you was found untasted in the basket. Your life + was thus placed in great peril; and although it is good to + lay life down when it has become a burden to ourselves and + others, being darkened by that failure of power from which + there is no recovery, wantonly or carelessly to endanger it + in the flower of its strength and beauty is a great folly and + a great offense. Consider how deep our grief would have been, + especially the grief of Yoletta, if this culpable disregard + of your own safety and well-being had ended fatally, as it + came so near ending! It is therefore just and righteous that + an offense of such a nature should be recompensed; but it is + a light offense, not like one committed against the house, or + even against another person, and we also remember the + occasion of it, since it was no unworthy motive, but + exceeding love, which clouded your judgment, and therefore, + taking all these things into account, it was my intention to + put you away from us for the space of thirteen days." + </p> + <p> + Here he paused, as if expecting me to make some reply. He had + reproved me so gently, even approving of the emotion, + although still entirely in the dark as to its meaning, which + had caused my illness, that I was made to feel very + submissive, and even grateful to him. + </p> + <p> + "It is only just," I replied, "that I should suffer for my + fault, and you have tempered justice with more mercy than I + deserve." + </p> + <p> + "You speak with the wisdom of a chastened spirit, my son," he + said, rising and placing his hand on my head; "and your words + gladden me all the more for knowing that you were filled with + surprise and resentment when told that your offense was one + deserving punishment. And now, my son, I have to tell you + that you will not be separated from us, for the mother of the + house has willed that your offense shall be pardoned." + </p> + <p> + I looked in surprise at Chastel, for this was very + unexpected: she was gazing at my face with the light of a + strange tenderness in her eyes, never seen there before. She + extended her hand, and, kneeling before her, I took it in + mine and raised it to my lips, and tried, with poor success, + to speak my thanks for this rare and beautiful act of mercy. + Then the others surrounded me to express their + congratulations, the men pressing my hands, but not so the + women, for they all freely kissed me; but when Yoletta, + coming last, put her white arms about my neck and pressed her + lips to mine, the ecstasy I felt was so greatly overbalanced + by the pain of my position, and the thought, now almost a + conviction, that I was powerless to enlighten them with + regard to the nature of the love I felt for her, that I + almost shrank from her dear embrace. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 17 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + My attack of illness, although sharp, had passed off so + quickly that I confidently looked to complete restoration to + my former vigorous state of health in a very short time. + Nevertheless, many days went by, and I failed to recover + strength, but remained pretty much in that condition of body + in which I had quitted the sick-room. This surprised and + distressed me at first, but in a little time I began to get + reconciled to such a state, and even to discover that it had + certain advantages, the chief of which was that the tumult of + my mind was over for a season, so that I craved for nothing + very eagerly. My friends advised me to do no work; but not + wishing to eat the bread of idleness—although the bread + was little now, as I had little appetite—I made it a + rule to go every morning to the workhouse, and occupy myself + for two or three hours with some light, mechanical task which + put no strain on me, physical or mental. Even this playing at + work fatigued me. Then, after changing my dress, I would + repair to the music-room to resume my search after hidden + knowledge in any books that happened to be there; for I could + read now, a result which my sweet schoolmistress had been the + first to see, and at once she had abandoned the lessons I had + loved so much, leaving me to wander at will, but without a + guide, in that wilderness of a strange literature. I had + never been to the library, and did not even know in what part + of the house it was situated; nor had I ever expressed a wish + to see it. And that for two reasons: one was, that I had + already half-resolved—my resolutions were usually of + that complexion—never to run the risk of appearing + desirous of knowing too much; the other and weightier reason + was, that I had never loved libraries. They oppress me with a + painful sense of my mental inferiority; for all those tens of + thousands of volumes, containing so much important but + unappreciated matter, seem to have a kind of collective + existence, and to look down on me, like a man with great, + staring, owlish eyes, as an intruder on sacred ground—a + barbarian, whose proper place is in the woods. It is a mere + fancy, I know, but it distresses me, and I prefer not to put + myself in the way of it. Once in a book I met with a scornful + passage about people with "bodily constitutions like those of + horses, and small brains," which made me blush painfully; but + in the very next passage the writer makes amends, saying that + a man ought to think himself well off if, in the lottery of + life, he draws the prize of a healthy stomach without a mind, + that it is better than a fine intellect with a crazy stomach. + I had drawn the healthy stomach—liver, lungs, and heart + to match—and had never felt dissatisfied with my prize. + Now, however, it seemed expedient that I should give some + hours each day to reading; for so far my conversations and + close intimacy with the people of the house had not + dissipated the cloud of mystery in which their customs were + hid; and by customs I here refer to those relating to + courtship and matrimony only, for that was to me the main + thing. The books I read, or dipped into, were all highly + interesting, especially the odd volumes I looked at belonging + to that long series on the <i>Houses of the World</i>, for + these abounded in marvelous and entertaining matter. There + were also histories of the house, and works on arts, + agriculture, and various other subjects, but they were not + what I wanted. After three or four hours spent in these + fruitless researches, I would proceed to the Mother's Room, + where I was now permitted to enter freely every afternoon, + and when there, to remain as long as I wished. It was so + pleasant that I soon dropped into the custom of remaining + until supper-time compelled me to leave it, Chastel + invariably treating me now with a loving tenderness of manner + which seemed strange when I recalled the extremely + unfavorable impression I had made at our first interview. + </p> + <p> + It was never my nature to be indolent, or to love a quiet, + dreamy existence: on the contrary, my fault had lain in the + opposite direction, unlimited muscular exercise being as + necessary to my well-being as fresh air and good food, and + the rougher the exercise the better I liked it. But now, in + this novel condition of languor, I experienced a wonderful + restfulness both of body and mind, and in the Mother's Room, + resting as if some weariness of labor still clung to me, + breathing and steeped in that fragrant, summer-like + atmosphere, I had long intervals of perfect inactivity and + silence, while I sat or reclined, not thinking but in a + reverie, while many dreams of pleasures to come drifted in a + vague, vaporous manner through my brain. The very character + of the room—its delicate richness, the exquisitely + harmonious disposition of colors and objects, and the + illusions of nature produced on the mind—seemed to lend + itself to this unaccustomed mood, and to confirm me in it. + </p> + <p> + The first impression produced was one of brightness: coming + to it by way of the long, dim sculpture gallery was like + passing out into the open air, and this effect was partly due + to the white and crystal surfaces and the brilliancy of the + colors where any color appeared. It was spacious and lofty, + and the central arched or domed portion of the roof, which + was of a light turquoise blue, rested on graceful columns of + polished crystal. The doors were of amber-colored glass set + in agate frames; but the windows, eight in number, formed the + principal attraction. On the glass, hill and mountain scenery + was depicted, the summits in some of them appearing beyond + wide, barren plains, whitened with the noonday splendor and + heat of midsummer, untempered by a cloud, the soaring peaks + showing a pearly luster which seemed to remove them to an + infinite distance. To look out, as it were, from the + imitation shade of such an arbor, or pavilion, over those + far-off, sun-lit expanses where the light appeared to dance + and quiver as one gazed, was a never-failing delight. Such + was its effect on me, combined with that of the mother's new + tender graciousness, resulting I knew not whether from + compassion or affection, that I could have wished to remain a + permanent invalid in her room. + </p> + <p> + Another cause of the mild kind of happiness I now experienced + was the consciousness of a change in my own mental + disposition, which made me less of an alien in the house; for + I was now able, I imagined, to appreciate the beautiful + character of my friends, their crystal purity of heart and + the religion they professed. Far back in the old days I had + heard, first and last, a great deal about sweetness and light + and Philistines, and not quite knowing what this grand + question was all about, and hearing from some of my friends + that I was without the qualities they valued most, I + thereafter proclaimed myself a Philistine, and was satisfied + to have the controversy ended in that way, so far as it + concerned me personally. Now, however, I was like one to whom + some important thing has been told, who, scarcely hearing and + straightway forgetting, goes about his affairs; but, lying + awake at night in the silence of his chamber, recalls the + unheeded words and perceives their full significance. My + sojourn with this people—angelic women and mild-eyed + men with downy, unrazored lips, so mild in manner yet in + their arts "laying broad bases for eternity"—above all + the invalid hours spent daily in the Mother's Room, had + taught me how unlovely a creature I had been. It would have + been strange indeed if, in such an atmosphere, I had not + absorbed a little sweetness and light into my system. + </p> + <p> + In this sweet refuge—this slumberous valley where I had + been cast up by that swift black current that had borne me to + an immeasurable distance on its bosom, and with such a change + going on within me—I sometimes thought that a little + more and I would touch that serene, enduring bliss which + seemed to be the normal condition of my fellow-inmates. My + passion for Yoletta now burned with a gentle flame, which did + not consume, but only imparted an agreeable sense of warmth + to the system. When she was there, sitting with me at her + mother's feet, sometimes so near that her dark, shining hair + brushed against my cheek, and her fragrant breath came on my + face; and when she caressed my hand, and gazed full at me + with those dear eyes that had no shadow of regret or anxiety + in them, but only unfathomable love, I could imagine that our + union was already complete, that she was altogether and + eternally mine. + </p> + <p> + I knew that this could not continue. Sometimes I could not + prevent my thoughts from flying away from the present; then + suddenly the complexion of my dream would change, darkening + like a fair landscape when a cloud obscures the sun. Not + forever would the demon of passion slumber and dream in my + breast; with recovered strength it would wake again, and, + ever increasing in power and ever baffled of its desire, + would raise once more that black tempest of that past to + overwhelm me. Other darker visions followed: I would see + myself as in a magic glass, lying with upturned, ghastly + face, with many people about me, hurrying to and fro, + wringing their hands and weeping aloud with grief, shuddering + at the abhorred sight of blood on their sacred, shining + floors; or, worse still, I saw myself shivering in sordid + rags and gaunt with long-lasting famine, a fugitive in some + wintry, desolate land, far from all human companionship, the + very image of Yoletta scorched by madness to formless ashes + in my brain; and for all sensations, feelings, memories, + thoughts, nothing left to me but a distorted likeness of the + visible world, and a terrible unrest urging me, as with a + whip of scorpions, ever on and on, to ford yet other black, + icy torrents, and tear myself bleeding through yet other + thorny thickets, and climb the ramparts of yet other + gigantic, barren hills. + </p> + <p> + But these moments of terrible depression, new to my life, + were infrequent, and seldom lasted long. Chastel was my good + angel; a word, a touch from her hand, and the ugly spirits + would vanish. She appeared to possess a mysterious + faculty—perhaps only the keen insight and sympathy of a + highly spiritualized nature—which informed her of much + that was passing in my heart: if a shadow came there when she + had no wish or strength to converse, she would make me draw + close to her seat, and rest her hand on mine, and the shadow + would pass from me. + </p> + <p> + I could not help reflecting often and wonderingly at this + great change in her manner towards me. Her eyes dwelt + lovingly on me, and her keenest suffering, and the + unfortunate blundering expressions I frequently let fall, + seemed equally powerless to wring one harsh or impatient word + from her. I was not now only one among her children, + privileged to come and sit at her feet, to have with them a + share in her impartial affection; and remembering that I was + a stranger in the house, and compared but poorly with the + others, the undisguised preference she showed for me, and the + wish to have me almost constantly with her, seemed a great + mystery. + </p> + <p> + One afternoon, as I sat alone with her, she made the remark + that my reading lessons had ceased. + </p> + <p> + "Oh yes, I can read perfectly well now," I answered. "May I + read to you from this book?" Saying which, I put my hand + towards a volume lying on the couch at her side. It differed + from the other books I had seen, in its smaller size and blue + binding. + </p> + <p> + "No, not in this book," she said, with a shade of annoyance + in her voice, putting out her hand to prevent my taking it. + </p> + <p> + "Have I made another mistake?" I asked, withdrawing my hand. + "I am very ignorant." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, poor boy, you are very ignorant," she returned, placing + her hand on my forehead. "You must know that this is a + mother's book, and only a mother may read in it." + </p> + <p> + "I am afraid," I said, with a sigh, "that it will be a long + time before I cease to offend you with such mistakes." + </p> + <p> + "There is no occasion to say that, for you have not offended + me, only you make me feel sorry. Every day when you are with + me I try to teach you something, to smooth the path for you; + but you must remember, my son, that others cannot feel + towards you as I do, and it may come to pass that they will + sometimes be offended with you, because their love is less + than mine." + </p> + <p> + "But why do you care so much for me?" I asked, emboldened by + her words. "Once I thought that you only of all in the house + would never love me: what has changed your feelings towards + me, for I know that they have changed?" She looked at me, + smiling a little sadly, but did not reply. "I think I should + be happier for knowing," I resumed, caressing her hand. "Will + you not tell me?" + </p> + <p> + There was a strange trouble on her face as her eyes glanced + away and then returned to mine again, while her lips + quivered, as if with unspoken words. Then she answered: "No, + I cannot tell you now. It would make you happy, perhaps, but + the proper time has not yet arrived. You must be patient, and + learn, for you have much to learn. It is my desire that you + should know all those things concerning the family of which + you are ignorant, and when I say all, I mean not only those + suitable to one in your present condition, as a son of the + house, but also those higher matters which belong to the + heads of the house—to the father and mother." + </p> + <p> + Then, casting away all caution, I answered: "It is precisely + a knowledge of those greater matters concerning the family + which I have been hungering after ever since I came into the + house." + </p> + <p> + "I know it," she returned. "This hunger you speak of was + partly the cause of your fever, and it is in you, keeping you + feverish and feeble still; but for this, instead of being a + prisoner here, you would now be abroad, feeling the sun and + wind on your face." + </p> + <p> + "And if you know that," I pleaded, "why do you not now impart + the knowledge that can make me whole? For surely, all those + lesser matters—those things suitable for one in my + condition to know—can be learned afterwards, in due + time. For they are not of pressing importance, but the other + is to me a matter of life and death, if you only knew it." + </p> + <p> + "I know everything," she returned quickly. But a cloud had + come over her face at my concluding words, and a startled + look into her eyes. "Life and death! do you know what you are + saying?" she exclaimed, fixing her eyes on me with such + intense earnestness in them that mine fell abashed before + their gaze. Then, after a while, she drew my head down + against her knees, and spoke with a strange tenderness. "Do + you then find it so hard to exercise a little patience, my + son, that you do not acquiesce in what I say to you, and fear + to trust your future in my hands? My time is short for all + that I have to do, yet I also must be patient and wait, + although for me it is hardest. For now your coming, which I + did not regard at first, seeing in you only a pilgrim like + others—one who through accidents of travel had been + cast away and left homeless in the world, until we found and + gave you shelter—now, it has brought something new into + my life: and if this fresh hope, which is only an old, + perished hope born again, ever finds fulfillment, then death + will lose much of its bitterness. But there are difficulties + in the way which only time, and the energy of a soul that + centers all its faculties in one desire, one enterprise, can + overcome. And the chief difficulty I find is in + yourself—in that strange, untoward disposition so often + revealed in your conversation, which you have shown even now; + for to be thus questioned and pressed, and to have my + judgment doubted, would have greatly offended me in another. + Remember this, and do not abuse the privilege you enjoy: + remember that you must greatly change before I can share with + you the secrets of my heart that concern you. And bear in + mind, my son, that I am not rebuking you for a want of + knowledge; for I know that for many deficiencies you are not + blameworthy. I know, for instance, that nature has denied to + you that melodious and flexible voice in which it is our + custom every day to render homage to the Father, to express + all the sacred feelings of our hearts, all our love for each + other, the joy we have in life, and even our griefs and + sorrows. For grief is like a dark, oppressive cloud, until + from lip and hand it breaks in the rain of melody, and we are + lightened, so that even the things that are painful give to + life a new and chastened glory. And as with music, so with + all other arts. There is a twofold pleasure in contemplating + our Father's works: in the first and lower kind you share + with us; but the second and more noble, springing from the + first, is ours through that faculty by means of which the + beauty and harmony of the visible world become transmuted in + the soul, which is like a pencil of glass receiving the white + sunbeam into itself, and changing it to red, green, and + violet-colored light: thus nature transmutes itself in our + minds, and is expressed in art. But in you this second + faculty is wanting, else you would not willingly forego so + great a pleasure as its exercise affords, and love nature + like one that loves his fellow-man, but has no words to + express so sweet a feeling. For the happiness of love with + sympathy, when made known and returned, is increased an + hundredfold; and in all artistic work we commune not with + blind, irrational nature, but with the unseen spirit which is + in nature, inspiring our hearts, returning love for love, and + rewarding our labor with enduring bliss. Therefore it is your + misfortune, not your fault, that you are deprived of this + supreme solace and happiness." + </p> + <p> + To this speech, which had a depressing effect on me, I + answered sadly: "Every day I feel my deficiencies more + keenly, and wish more ardently to lessen the great distance + between us; but now—sweet mother, forgive me for saying + it!—your words almost make me despond." + </p> + <p> + "And yet, my son, I have spoken only to encourage you. I know + your limitations, and expect nothing beyond your powers; nor + do your errors greatly trouble me, believing as I do that in + time you will be able to dismiss them from your mind. But the + temper of your mind must be changed to be worthy of the + happiness I have designed for you. Patience must chasten that + reckless spirit in you; for feverish diligence, alternating + with indifference or despondence, there must be unremitting + effort; and for that unsteady flame of hope, which burns so + brightly in the morning and in the evening sings so low, + there must be a bright, unwavering, and rational hope. It + would be strange indeed if after this you were cast down; + and, lest you forget anything, I will say again that only by + giving you enduring happiness and the desire of your heart + can my one hope be fulfilled. Consider how much I say to you + in these words; it saddens me to think that so much was + necessary. And do not think hardly of me, my son, for wishing + to keep you a little longer in this prison with me: for in a + little while your weakness will pass away like a morning + cloud. But for me there shall come no change, since I must + remain day and night here with the shadow of death; and when + I am taken forth, and the sunshine falls once more on my + face, I shall not feel it, and shall not see it, and I shall + lie forgotten when you are in the midst of your happy years." + </p> + <p> + Her words smote on my heart with a keen pain of compassion. + "Do not say that you will be forgotten!" I exclaimed + passionately; "for should you be taken away, I shall still + love and worship your memory, as I worship you now when you + are alive." + </p> + <p> + She caressed my hand, but did not speak; and when I looked + up, her worn face had dropped on the pillow, and her eyes + were closed. "I am tired—tired," she murmured. "Stay + with me a little longer, but leave me if I sleep." + </p> + <p> + And in a little while she slept. The light was on her face, + resting on the purple pillow, and with the soulful eyes + closed, and the lips that had no red color of life in them + also closed and motionless, it was like a face carved in + ivory of one who had suffered like Isarte in the house and + perished long generations ago; and the abundant dark, + lusterless hair that framed it, looked dead too, and of the + color of wrought iron. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 18 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + Chastel's words sank deep in my heart—deeper than words + had ever sunk before into that somewhat unpromising soil; and + although she had purposely left me in the dark with regard to + many important matters, I now resolved to win her esteem, and + bind her yet more closely to me by correcting those faults in + my character she had pointed out with so much tenderness. + </p> + <p> + Alas! the very next day was destined to bring me a sore + trouble. On entering the breakfast-room I became aware that a + shadow had fallen on the house. Among his silent people the + father sat with gray, haggard face and troubled eyes; then + Yoletta entered, her sweet face looking paler than when I had + first seen it after her long punishment, while under her + heavy, drooping eyelids her skin was stained with that + mournful purple which tells of a long vigil and a heart + oppressed with anxiety. I heard with profound concern that + Chastel's malady had suddenly become aggravated; that she had + passed the night in the greatest suffering. What would become + of me, and of all those bright dreams of happiness, if she + were to die? was my first idea. But at the same time I had + the grace to feel ashamed of that selfish thought. + Nevertheless, I could not shake off the gloom it had produced + in me, and, too distressed in mind to work or read, I + repaired to the Mother's Room, to be as near as possible to + the sufferer on whose recovery so much now depended. How + lonely and desolate it seemed there, now that she was absent! + Those mountain landscapes, glowing with the white radiance of + mimic sunshine, still made perpetual summer; yet there seemed + to be a wintry chill and death-like atmosphere which struck + to the heart, and made me shiver with cold. The day dragged + slowly to its close, and no rest came to the sufferer, nor + sign of improvement to relieve our anxiety. Until past + midnight I remained at my post, then retired for three or + four miserable, anxious hours, only to return once more when + it was scarcely light. Chastel's condition was still + unchanged, or, if there had been any change, it was for the + worse, for she had not slept. Again I remained, a prey to + desponding thoughts, all day in the room; but towards evening + Yoletta came to take me to her mother. The summons so + terrified me that for some moments I sat trembling and unable + to articulate a word; for I could not but think that + Chastel's end was approaching. Yoletta, however, divining the + cause of my agitation, explained that her mother could not + sleep for torturing pains in her head, and wished me to place + my hand on her forehead, to try whether that would cause any + relief. This seemed to me a not very promising remedy; but + she told me that on former occasions they had often succeeded + in procuring her ease by placing a hand on her forehead, and + that having failed now, Chastel had desired them to call me + to her to try my hand. I rose, and for the first time entered + that sacred chamber, where Chastel was lying on a low bed + placed on a slightly raised platform in the center of the + floor. In the dim light her face looked white as the pillow + on which it rested, her forehead contracted with sharp pain, + while low moans came at short intervals from her twitching + lips; but her wide-open eyes were fixed on my face from the + moment I entered the room, and to me they seemed to express + mental anguish rather than physical suffering. At the head of + the bed sat the father, holding her hand in his; but when I + entered he rose and made way for me, retiring to the foot of + the bed, where two of the women were seated. I knelt beside + the bed, and Yoletta raised and tenderly placed my right hand + on the mother's forehead, and, after whispering to me to let + it rest very gently there, she also withdrew a few paces. + </p> + <p> + Chastel did not speak, but for some minutes continued her + low, piteous moanings, only her eyes remained fixed on my + face; and at last, becoming uneasy at her scrutiny, I said in + a whisper: "Dearest mother, do you wish to say anything to + me?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, come nearer," she replied; and when I had bent my cheek + close to her face, she continued: "Do not fear, my son; I + shall not die. I cannot die until that of which I have spoken + to you has been accomplished." + </p> + <p> + I rejoiced at her words, yet, at the same time, they gave me + pain; for it seemed as though she knew how much my heart had + been troubled by that ignoble fear. + </p> + <p> + "Dear mother, may I say something?" I asked, wishing to tell + her of my resolutions. + </p> + <p> + "Not now; I know what you wish to say," she returned. "Be + patient and hopeful always, and fear nothing, even though we + should be long divided; for it will be many days before I can + leave this room to speak with you again." + </p> + <p> + So softly had she whispered, that the others who stood so + near were not aware that she had spoken at all. + </p> + <p> + After this brief colloquy she closed her eyes, but for some + time the low moans of pain continued. Gradually they sank + lower, and became less and less frequent, while the lines of + pain faded out of her white, death-like face. And at length + Yoletta, stealing softly to my side, whispered, "She is + sleeping," and withdrawing my hand, led me away. + </p> + <p> + When we were again in the Mother's Room she threw her arms + about my neck and burst into a tempest of tears. + </p> + <p> + "Dearest Yoletta, be comforted," I said, pressing her to my + breast; "she will not die." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Smith, how do you know?" she returned quickly, looking + up with her eyes still shining with large drops. + </p> + <p> + Then, of Chastel's whispered words to me, I repeated those + four, "I shall not die," but nothing more; they were however, + a great relief to her, and her sweet, sorrowful face + brightened like a drooping flower after rain. + </p> + <p> + "Ah, she knew, then, that the touch of your hand would cause + sleep, that sleep would save her," she said, smiling up at + me. + </p> + <p> + "And you, my darling, how long is it since you closed those + sweet eyelids that seem so heavy?" + </p> + <p> + "Not since I slept three nights ago." + </p> + <p> + "Will you sit by me here, resting your head on me, and sleep + a little now?" + </p> + <p> + "Not there!" she cried quickly. "Not on the mother's couch. + But if you will sit here, it will be pleasant if I can sleep + for a little while, resting on you." + </p> + <p> + I placed myself on the low seat she led me to, and then, when + she had coiled herself up on the cushions, with her arms + still round my neck, and her head resting on my bosom, she + breathed a long happy sigh, and dropped like a tired child to + sleep. + </p> + <p> + How perfect my happiness would have been then, with Yoletta + in my arms, clasping her weary little ministering hands in + mine, and tenderly kissing her dark, shining hair, but for + the fear that some person might come there to notice and + disturb me. And pretty soon I was startled to see the father + himself coming from Chastel's chamber to us. Catching sight + of me he paused, smiling, then advanced, and deliberately sat + down by my side. + </p> + <p> + "This one is sleeping also," he said cheerfully, touching the + girl's hair with his hand. "But you need not fear, Smith; I + think we shall be able to talk very well without waking her." + </p> + <p> + I had feared something quite different, if he had only known + it, and felt considerably relieved by his words; + nevertheless, I was not over-pleased at the prospect of a + conversation just then, and should have preferred being left + alone with my precious burden. + </p> + <p> + "My son," he continued, placing a hand on my shoulder, "I + sometimes recall, not without a smile, the effect your first + appearance produced on us, when we were startled at your + somewhat grotesque pilgrim costume. Your attempts at singing, + and ignorance of art generally, also impressed me + unfavorably, and gave me some concern when I thought about + the future—that is, <i>your</i> future; for it seemed + to me that you had but slender foundations whereon to build a + happy life. These doubts, however, no longer trouble me; for + on several occasions you have shown us that you possess + abundantly that richest of all gifts and safest guide to + happiness—the capacity for deep affection. To this + spirit of love in you—this summer of the heart which + causes it to blossom with beautiful thoughts and + deeds—I attribute your success just now, when the + contact of your hand produced the long-desired, refreshing + slumber so necessary to the mother at this stage of her + malady. I know that this is a mysterious thing; and it is + commonly said that in such cases relief is caused by an + emanation from the brain through the fingers. Doubtless this + is so; and I also choose to believe that only a powerful + spirit of love in the heart can rightly direct this subtle + energy, that where such a spirit is absent the desired effect + cannot be produced." + </p> + <p> + "I do not know," I replied. "Great as my love and devotion + is, I cannot suppose it to equal, much less to surpass, that + of others who yet failed on this occasion to give relief." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, yes; only that is looking merely at the surface of the + matter, and leaving out of sight the unfathomable mysteries + of a being compounded of flesh and spirit. There are among + our best instruments peculiar to this house, especially those + used chiefly in our harvest music, some of such + finely-tempered materials, and of so delicate a construction, + that the person wishing to perform on them must not only be + inspired with the melodious passion, but the entire + system—body and soul—must be in the proper mood, + the flesh itself elevated into harmony with the exalted + spirit, else he will fail to elicit the tones or to give the + expression desired. This is a rough and a poor simile, when + we consider how wonderful an instrument a human being is, + with the body that burns with thought, and the spirit that + quivers and cries with pain, and when we think how its + innumerable, complex chords may be injured and untuned by + suffering. The will may be ours, but something, we know not + what, interposes to defeat our best efforts. That you have + succeeded in producing so blessed a result, after we had + failed, has served to deepen and widen in our hearts the love + we already felt for you; for how much more precious is this + melody of repose, this sweet interval of relief from cruel + pain the mother now experiences, than many melodies from + clear voices and trained hands." + </p> + <p> + In my secret heart I believed that he was taking much too + lofty a view of the matter; but I had no desire to argue + against so flattering a delusion, if it were one, and only + wished that I could share it with him. + </p> + <p> + "She is sleeping still," he said presently, "perhaps without + pain, like Yoletta here, and her sleep will now probably last + for some hours." + </p> + <p> + "I pray Heaven that she may wake refreshed and free from + pain," I remarked. + </p> + <p> + He seemed surprised at my words, and looked searchingly into + my face. "My son," he said, "it grieves me, at a moment like + the present, to have to point out a great error to you; but + it is an error hurtful to yourself and painful to those who + see it, and if I were to pass it over in silence, or put off + speaking of it to another time, I should not be fulfilling + the part of a loving father towards you." + </p> + <p> + Surprised at this speech, I begged him to tell me what I had + said that was wrong. + </p> + <p> + "Do you not then know that it is unlawful to entertain such a + thought as you have expressed?" he said. "In moments of + supreme pain or bitterness or peril we sometimes so far + forget ourselves as to cry out to Heaven to save us or to + give us ease; but to make any such petition when we are in + the full possession of our faculties is unworthy of a + reasonable being, and an offense to the Father: for we pray + to each other, and are moved by such prayers, remembering + that we are fallible, and often err through haste and + forgetfulness and imperfect knowledge. But he who freely gave + us life and reason and all good gifts, needs not that we + should remind him of anything; therefore to ask him to give + us the thing we desire is to make him like ourselves, and + charge him with an oversight; or worse, we attribute weakness + and irresolution to him, since the petitioner thinks my + importunity to incline the balance in his favor." + </p> + <p> + I was about to reply that I had always considered prayer to + be an essential part of religion, and not of my form of + religion only, but of all religions all over the world. + Luckily I remembered in time that he probably knew more about + matters "all over the world" than I did, and so held my + tongue. + </p> + <p> + "Have you any doubts on the subject?" he asked, after a + while. + </p> + <p> + "I must confess that I still have some doubts," I replied. "I + believe that our Creator and Father desires the happiness of + all his creatures and takes no pleasure in seeing us + miserable; for it would be impossible not to believe it, + seeing how greatly happiness overbalances misery in the + world. But he does not come to us in visible form to tell us + in an audible voice that to cry out to him in sore pain and + distress is unlawful. How, then, do we know this thing? For a + child cries to its mother, and a fledgling in the nest to its + parent bird; and he is infinitely more to us than parent to + child—infinitely stronger to help, and knows our griefs + as no fellow-mortal can know them. May we not, then, believe, + without hurt to our souls, that the cry of one of his + children in affliction may reach him; that in his compassion, + and by means of his sovereign power over nature, he may give + ease to the racked body, and peace and joy to the desolate + mind?" + </p> + <p> + "You ask me, How, then, do we know this thing? and you answer + the question yourself, yet fail to perceive that you answer + it, when you say that although he does not come in a visible + form to teach us this thing and that thing, yet we know that + he desires our happiness; and to this you might have added a + thousand or ten thousand other things which we know. If the + reason he gave us to start with makes it unnecessary that he + should come to tell us in an audible voice that he desires + our happiness, it must also surely suffice to tell us which + are lawful and which unlawful of all the thoughts continually + rising in our hearts. That any one should question so evident + and universally accepted a truth, the foundation of all + religion, seems very surprising to me. If it had consisted + with his plan to make these delicate mortal bodies capable of + every agreeable sensation in the highest degree, yet not + liable to accident, and not subject to misery and pain, he + would surely have done this for all of us. But reason and + nature show us that such an end did not consist with his + plan; therefore to ask him to suspend the operations of + nature for the benefit of any individual sufferer, however + poignant and unmerited the sufferings may be, is to shut our + eyes to the only light he has given us. All our highest and + sweetest feelings unite with reason to tell us with one voice + that he loves us; and our knowledge of nature shows us + plainly enough that he also loves all the creatures inferior + to man. To us he has given reason for a guide, and for the + guidance and protection of the lower kinds he has given + instinct: and though they do not know him, it would make us + doubt his impartial love for all his creatures, if we, by + making use of our reason, higher knowledge, and articulate + speech, were able to call down benefits on ourselves, and + avert pain and disaster, while the dumb, irrational brutes + suffered in silence—the languishing deer that leaves + the herd with a festering thorn in its foot; the passage bird + blown from its course to perish miserably far out at sea." + </p> + <p> + His conclusions were perhaps more logical than mine; + nevertheless, although I could not argue the matter any more + with him, I was not yet prepared to abandon this last + cherished shred of old beliefs, although perhaps not + cherished for its intrinsic worth, but rather because it had + been given to me by a sweet woman whose memory was sacred to + my heart—my mother before Chastel. + </p> + <p> + Fortunately, it was not necessary to continue the discussion + any longer, for at this juncture one of the watchers from the + sick-room came to report that the mother was still sleeping + peacefully, hearing which, the father rose to seek a little + needful rest in an adjoining room. Before going, however, he + proposed, with mistaken kindness, to relieve me of my burden, + and place the girl without waking her on a couch. But I would + not consent to have her disturbed; and finally, to my great + delight, they left her still in my arms, the father warmly + pressing my hand, and advising me to reflect well on his + words concerning prayer. + </p> + <p> + It was growing dark now, and how welcome that obscurity + seemed, while with no one nigh to see or hear I kissed her + soft tresses a hundred times, and murmured a hundred + endearing words in her sleeping ears. + </p> + <p> + Her waking, which gave me a pang at first, afforded me in the + end a still greater bliss. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, how dark it is—where am I?" she exclaimed, + starting suddenly from repose. + </p> + <p> + "With me, sweetest," I said. "Do you not remember going to + sleep on my breast?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; but oh, why did you not wake me sooner? My + mother—my mother—" + </p> + <p> + "She is still quietly sleeping, dearest. Ah, I wish you also + had continued sleeping! It was such a delight to have you in + my arms." + </p> + <p> + "My love!" she said, laying her soft cheek against mine. "How + sweet it was to fall asleep in your arms! When we came in + here I could scarcely say a word, for my heart was too full + for speech; and now I have a hundred things to say. After + all, I should only finish by giving you a kiss, which is more + eloquent than speech; so I shall kiss you at once, and save + myself the trouble of talking so much." + </p> + <p> + "Say one of the hundred things, Yoletta." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Smith, before this evening I did not think that I could + love you more; and sometimes, when I recalled what I once + said to you—on the hill, do you remember?—it + seemed to me that I already loved you a little too much. But + now I am convinced that I was mistaken, for a thousand + offenses could not alienate my heart, which is all yours + forever." + </p> + <p> + "Mine for ever, without a doubt, darling?" I murmured, + holding her against my breast; and in my rapture almost + forgetting that this angelic affection she lavished on me + would not long satisfy my heart. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, for ever, for you shall never, never leave the house. + Your pilgrimage, from which you derived so little benefit, is + over now. And if you ever attempt to go forth again to find + out new wonders in the world, I shall clasp you round with my + arms, as I do now, and keep you prisoner against your will; + and if you say 'Farewell' a hundred times to me, I shall blot + out that sad word every time with my lips, and put a better + one in its place, until my word conquers yours." + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 19 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + Although deprived for the present of all intercourse with + Chastel and Yoletta, now in constant attendance on her + mother, I ought to have been happy, for all things seemed + conspiring to make my life precious to me. Nevertheless, I + was far from happy; and, having heard so much said about + reason in my late conversations with the father and mother of + the house, I began to pay an unusual amount of attention to + this faculty in me, in order to discover by its aid the + secret of the sadness which continued at all times during + this period to oppress my heart. I only discovered, what + others have discovered before me, that the practice of + introspection has a corrosive effect on the mind, which only + serves to aggravate the malady it is intended to cure. During + those restful days in the Mother's Room, when I had sat with + Chastel, this spirit of melancholy had been with me; but the + mother's hallowing presence had given something of a divine + color to it, my passions had slumbered, and, except at rare + intervals, I had thought of sorrow as of something at an + immeasurable distance from me. Then to my spirit + </p> + <p><br> + "<i>The gushing of the wave<br> + Far, far away, did seem to mourn and + rave<br> + On alien shores</i>"; + </p> + <p> + and so sweet had seemed that pause, that I had hoped and + prayed for its continuance. No sooner was I separated from + her than the charm dissolved, and all my thoughts, like + evening clouds that appear luminous and rich in color until + the sun has set, began to be darkened with a mysterious + gloom. Strive how I might, I was unable to compose my mind to + that serene, trustful temper she had desired to see in me, + and without which there could be no blissful futurity. After + all the admonitions and the comforting assurances I had + received, and in spite of reason and all it could say to me, + each night I went to my bed with a heavy heart; and each + morning when I woke, there, by my pillow, waited that sad + phantom, to go with me where I went, to remind me at every + pause of an implacable Fate, who held my future in its hands, + who was mightier than Chastel, and would shatter all her + schemes for my happiness like vessels of brittle glass. + </p> + <p> + Several days—probably about fifteen, for I did not + count them—had passed since I had been admitted into + the mother's sleeping-room, when there came an exceedingly + lovely day, which seemed to bring to me a pleasant sensation + of returning health, and made me long to escape from morbid + dreams and vain cravings. Why should I sit at home and mope, + I thought; it was better to be active: sun and wind were full + of healing. Such a day was in truth one of those captain + jewels "that seldom placed are" among the blusterous days of + late autumn, with winter already present to speed its + parting. For a long time the sky had been overcast with + multitudes and endless hurrying processions of wild-looking + clouds—torn, wind-chased fugitives, of every mournful + shade of color, from palest gray to slatey-black; and storms + of rain had been frequent, impetuous, and suddenly + intermitted, or passing away phantom-like towards the misty + hills, there to lose themselves among other phantoms, ever + wandering sorrowfully in that vast, shadowy borderland where + earth and heaven mingled; and gusts of wind which, as they + roared by over a thousand straining trees and passed off with + hoarse, volleying sounds, seemed to mimic the echoing + thunder. And the leaves—the millions and myriads of + sere, cast-off leaves, heaped ankle-deep under the desolate + giants of the wood, and everywhere, in the hollows of the + earth, lying silent and motionless, as became dead, fallen + things—suddenly catching a mock fantastic life from the + wind, how they would all be up and stirring, every leaf with + a hiss like a viper, racing, many thousands at a time, over + the barren spaces, all hurriedly talking together in their + dead-leaf language! until, smitten with a mightier gust, they + would rise in flight on flight, in storms and stupendous, + eddying columns, whirled up to the clouds, to fall to the + earth again in showers, and freckle the grass for roods + around. Then for a moment, far off in heavens, there would be + a rift, or a thinning of the clouds, and the sunbeams, + striking like lightning through their ranks, would illumine + the pale blue mist, the slanting rain, the gaunt black boles + and branches, glittering with wet, casting a momentary glory + over the ocean-like tumult of nature. + </p> + <p> + In the condition I was in, with a relaxed body and dejected + mind, this tempestuous period, which would have only afforded + fresh delight to a person in perfect health, had no charm for + my spirit; but, on the contrary, it only served to intensify + my gloom. And yet day after day it drew me forth, although in + my weakness I shivered in the rough gale, and shrank from the + touch of the big cold drops the clouds flung down on me. It + fascinated me, like the sight of armies contending in battle, + or of some tragic action from which the spectator cannot + withdraw his gaze. For I had become infected with strange + fancies, so persistent and somber that they were like + superstitions. It seemed to me that not I but nature had + changed, that the familiar light had passed like a kindly + expression from her countenance, which was now charged with + an awful menacing gloom that frightened my soul. Sometimes, + when straying alone, like an unquiet ghost among the leafless + trees, when a deeper shadow swept over the earth, I would + pause, pale with apprehension, listening to the many + dirge-like sounds of the forest, ever prophesying evil, until + in my trepidation I would start and tremble, and look to this + side and to that, as if considering which way to fly from + some unimaginable calamity coming, I knew not from where, to + wreck my life for ever. + </p> + <p> + This bright day was better suited to my complaint. The sun + shone as in spring; not a stain appeared on the crystal vault + of heaven; everywhere the unfailing grass gave rest to the + eye with its verdure; and a light wind blew fresh and bracing + in my face, making my pulses beat faster, although feebly + still. Remembering my happy wood-cutting days, before my + trouble had come to me, I got my ax and started to walk to + the wood; then seeing Yoletta watching my departure from the + terrace, I waved my hand to her. Before I had gone far, + however, she came running to me, full of anxiety, to warn me + that I was not yet strong enough for such work. I assured her + that I had no intention of working hard and tiring myself, + then continued my walk, while she returned to attend on her + mother. + </p> + <p> + The day was so bright with sunshine that it inspired me with + a kind of passing gladness, and I began to hum snatches of + old half-remembered songs. They were songs of departing + summer, tinged with melancholy, and suggested other verses + not meant for singing, which I began repeating. + </p> + <p><br> + "Rich flowers have perished on the silent + earth—<br> + Blossoms of valley and of wood that + gave<br> + A fragrance to the winds." + </p> + <p> + And again: + </p> + <p><br> + "The blithesome birds have sought a sunnier + shore;<br> + They lingered till the cold cold winds + went in<br> + And withered their green homes." + </p> + <p> + And these also were fragments, breathing only of sadness, + which made me resolve to dismiss poetry from my mind and + think of nothing at all. I tried to interest myself in a + flight of buzzard-like hawks, soaring in wide circles at an + immense height above me. Gazing up into that far blue vault, + under which they moved so serenely, and which seemed so + infinite, I remembered how often in former days, when gazing + up into such a sky, I had breathed a prayer to the Unseen + Spirit; but now I recalled the words the father of the house + had spoken to me, and the prayer died unformed in my heart, + and a strange feeling of orphanhood saddened me, and brought + my eyes to earth again. + </p> + <p> + Half-way to the wood, on an open reach where there were no + trees or bushes, I came on a great company of storks, half a + thousand of them at least, apparently resting on their + travels, for they were all standing motionless, with necks + drawn in, as if dozing. They were very stately, handsome + birds, clear gray in color, with a black collar on the neck, + and red beak and legs. My approach did not disturb them until + I was within twenty yards of the nearest—for they were + scattered over an acre of ground; then they rose with a loud, + rustling noise of wings, only to settle again at a short + distance off. + </p> + <p> + Incredible numbers of birds, chiefly waterfowl, had appeared + in the neighborhood since the beginning of the wet, + boisterous weather; the river too was filled with these new + visitors, and I was told that most of them were passengers + driven from distant northern regions, which they made their + summer home, and were now flying south in search of a warmer + climate. + </p> + <p> + All this movement in the feathered world had, during my + troubled days, brought me as little pleasure as the other + changes going on about me: those winged armies ever hurrying + by in broken detachments, wailing and clanging by day and by + night in the clouds, white with their own terror, or + black-plumed like messengers of doom, to my distempered fancy + only added a fresh element of fear to a nature racked with + disorders, and full of tremendous signs and omens. + </p> + <p> + The interest with which I now remarked these pilgrim storks + seemed to me a pleasant symptom of a return to a saner state + of mind, and before continuing my walk I wished that Yoletta + had been there with me to see them and tell me their history; + for she was curious about such matters, and had a most + wonderful affection for the whole feathered race. She had her + favorites among the birds at different seasons, and the kind + she most esteemed now had been arriving for over a month, + their numbers increasing day by day until the woods and + fields were alive with their flocks. + </p> + <p> + This kind was named the cloud-bird, on account of its + starling-like habit of wheeling about over its + feeding-ground, the birds throwing themselves into masses, + then scattering and gathering again many times, so that when + viewed at a distance a large flock had the appearance of a + cloud, growing dark and thin alternately, and continually + changing its form. It was somewhat larger than a starling, + with a freer flight, and had a richer plumage, its color + being deep glossy blue, or blue-black, and underneath bright + chestnut. When close at hand and in the bright sunshine, the + aerial gambols of a flock were beautiful to witness, as the + birds wheeled about and displayed in turn, as if moved by one + impulse, first the rich blue, then the bright chestnut + surfaces to the eye. The charming effect was increased by the + bell-like, chirping notes they all uttered together, and as + they swept round or doubled in the air at intervals came + these tempests of melodious sound—a most perfect + expression of wild jubilant bird-life. Yoletta, discoursing + in the most delightful way about her loved cloud-birds, had + told me that they spent the summer season in great solitary + marshes, where they built their nests in the rushes; but with + cold weather they flew abroad, and at such times seemed + always to prefer the neighborhood of man, remaining in great + flocks near the house until the next spring. On this bright + sunny morning I was amazed at the multitudes I saw during my + walk: yet it was not strange that birds were so abundant, + considering that there were no longer any savages on the + earth, with nothing to amuse their vacant minds except + killing the feathered creatures with their bows and arrows, + and no innumerable company of squaws clamorous for + trophies—unchristian women of the woods with painted + faces, insolence in their eyes, and for ornaments the + feathered skins torn from slain birds on their heads. + </p> + <p> + When I at length arrived at the wood, I went to that spot + where I had felled the large tree on the occasion of my last + and disastrous visit, and where Yoletta, newly released from + confinement, had found me. There lay the rough-barked giant + exactly as I had left it, and once more I began to hack at + the large branches; but my feeble strokes seemed to make + little impression, and becoming tired in a very short time, I + concluded that I was not yet equal to such work, and sat + myself down to rest. I remembered how, when sitting on that + very spot, I had heard a slight rustling of the withered + leaves, and looking up beheld Yoletta coming swiftly towards + me with outstretched arms, and her face shining with joy. + Perhaps she would come again to me to-day: yes, she would + surely come when I wished for her so much; for she had + followed me out to try to dissuade me from going to the + woods, and would be anxiously thinking about me; and she + could spare an hour from the sick-room now. The trees and + bushes would prevent me from seeing her approach, but I + should hear her, as I had heard her before. I sat motionless, + scarcely breathing, straining my sense to catch the first + faint sound of her light, swift step; and every time a small + bird, hopping along the ground, rustled a withered leaf, I + started up to greet and embrace her. But she did not come; + and at last, sick at heart with hope deferred, I covered my + face with my hands, and, weak with misery, cried like a + disappointed child. + </p> + <p> + Presently something touched me, and, removing my hands from + my face, I saw that great silver-gray dog which had come to + Yoletta's call when I fainted, sitting before me with his + chin resting on my knees. No doubt he remembered that last + wood-cutting day very well, and had come to take care of me + now. + </p> + <p> + "Welcome, dear old friend!" said I; and in my craving for + sympathy of some kind I put my arms over him, and pressed my + face against his. Then I sat up again, and gazed into the + pair of clear brown eyes watching my face so gravely. + </p> + <p> + "Look here, old fellow," said I, talking audibly to him for + want of something in human shape to address, "you didn't lick + my face just now when you might have done so with impunity; + and when I speak to you, you don't wag that beautiful bushy + tail which serves you for ornament. This reminds me that you + are not like the dogs I used to know—the dogs that + talked with their tails, caressed with their tongues, and + were never over-clean or well-behaved. Where are they + now—collies, rat-worrying terriers, hounds, spaniels, + pointers, retrievers—dogs rough and dogs smooth; big + brute boarhounds, St. Bernard's, mastiffs, nearly or quite as + big as you are, but not so slender, silky-haired, and + sharp-nosed, and without your refined expression of keenness + without cunning. And after these canine noblemen of the old + <i>regime</i>, whither has vanished the countless rabble of + mongrels, curs, and pariah dogs; and last of all—being + more degenerate—the corpulent, blear-eyed, wheezy pet + dogs of a hundred breeds? They are all dead, no doubt: they + have been dead so long that I daresay nature extracted all + the valuable salts that were contained in their flesh and + bones thousands of years ago, and used it for better + things—raindrops, froth of the sea, flowers and fruit, + and blades of grass. Yet there was not a beast in all that + crew of which its master or mistress was not ready to affirm + that it could do everything but talk! No one says that of + you, my gentle guardian; for dog-worship, with all the ten + thousand fungoid cults that sprang up and flourished + exceedingly in the muddy marsh of man's intellect, has + withered quite away, and left no seed. Yet in intelligence + you are, I fancy, somewhat ahead of your far-off progenitors: + long use has also given you something like a conscience. You + are a good, sensible beast, that's all. You love and serve + your master, according to your lights; night and day, you, + with your fellows, guard his flocks and herds, his house and + fields. Into his sacred house, however, you do not intrude + your comely countenance, knowing your place." + </p> + <p> + "What, then, happened to earth, and how long did that + undreaming slumber last from which I woke to find things so + altered? I do not know, nor does it matter very much. I only + know that there has been a sort of mighty Savonarola bonfire, + in which most of the things once valued have been consumed to + ashes—politics, religions, systems of philosophy, isms + and ologies of all descriptions; schools, churches, prisons, + poorhouses; stimulants and tobacco; kings and parliaments; + cannon with its hostile roar, and pianos that thundered + peacefully; history, the press, vice, political economy, + money, and a million things more—all consumed like so + much worthless hay and stubble. This being so, why am I not + overwhelmed at the thought of it? In that feverish, full + age—so full, and yet, my God, how empty!—in the + wilderness of every man's soul, was not a voice heard crying + out, prophesying the end? I know that a thought sometimes + came to me, passing through my brain like lightning through + the foliage of a tree; and in the quick, blighting fire of + that intolerable thought, all hopes, beliefs, dreams, and + schemes seemed instantaneously to shrivel up and turn to + ashes, and drop from me, and leave me naked and desolate. + Sometimes it came when I read a book of philosophy; or + listened on a still, hot Sunday to a dull preacher—they + were mostly dull—prosing away to a sleepy, fashionable + congregation about Daniel in the lions' den, or some other + equally remote matter; or when I walked in crowded + thoroughfares; or when I heard some great politician out of + office—out in the cold, like a miserable working-man + with no work to do—hurling anathemas at an iniquitous + government; and sometimes also when I lay awake in the silent + watches of the night. A little while, the thought said, and + all this will be no more; for we have not found out the + secret of happiness, and all our toil and effort is + misdirected; and those who are seeking for a mechanical + equivalent of consciousness, and those who are going about + doing good, are alike wasting their lives; and on all our + hopes, beliefs, dreams, theories, and enthusiasms, 'Passing + away' is written plainly as the <i>Mene, mene, tekel, + upharsin</i> seen by Belshazzar on the wall of his palace in + Babylon." + </p> + <p> + "That withering thought never comes to me now. 'Passing away' + is not written on the earth, which is still God's green + footstool; the grass was not greener nor the flowers sweeter + when man was first made out of clay, and the breath of life + breathed into his nostrils. And the human family and + race—outcome of all that dead, unimaginable + past—this also appears to have the stamp of + everlastingness on it; and in its tranquil power and majesty + resembles some vast mountain that lifts its head above the + clouds, and has its granite roots deep down in the world's + center. A feeling of awe is in me when I gaze on it; but it + is vain to ask myself now whether the vanished past, with its + manifold troubles and transitory delights, was preferable to + this unchanging peaceful present. I care for nothing but + Yoletta; and if the old world was consumed to ashes that she + might be created, I am pleased that it was so consumed; for + nobler than all perished hopes and ambitions is the hope that + I may one day wear that bright, consummate flower on my + bosom." + </p> + <p> + "I have only one trouble now—a wolf that follows me + everywhere, always threatening to rend me to pieces with its + black jaws. Not you, old friend—a great, gaunt, + man-eating, metaphorical wolf, far more terrible than that + beast of the ancients which came to the poor man's door. In + the darkness its eyes, glowing like coals, are ever watching + me, and even in the bright daylight its shadowy form is ever + near me, stealing from bush to bush, or from room to room, + always dogging my footsteps. Will it ever vanish, like a mere + phantom—a wolf of the brain—or will it come + nearer and more near, to spring upon and rend me at the last? + If they could only clothe my mind as they have my body, to + make me like themselves with no canker at my heart, ever + contented and calmly glad! But nothing comes from taking + thought. I am sick of thought—I hate it! Away with it! + I shall go and look for Yoletta, since she does not come to + me. Good-by, old friend, you have been well-behaved and + listened with considerable patience to a long discourse. It + will benefit you about as much as I have been benefited by + many a lecture and many a sermon I was compelled to listen to + in the old vanished days." + </p> + <p> + Bestowing another caress on him I got up and went back to the + house, thinking sadly as I walked that the bright weather had + not yet greatly improved my spirits. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <h2> + Chapter 20 + </h2><br> + <br> + + <p> + Arrived at the house I was again disappointed at not seeing + Yoletta; yet without reasonable cause, since it was scarcely + past midday, and she came out from attending on her mother + only at long intervals—in the morning, and again just + before evening—to taste the freshness of nature for a + few minutes. + </p> + <p> + The music-room was deserted when I went there; but it was + made warm and pleasant by the sun shining brightly in at the + doors opening to the south. I went on to the extreme end of + the room, remembering now that I had seen some volumes there + when I had no time or inclination to look at them, and I + wanted something to read; for although I found reading very + irksome at this period, there was really little else I could + do. I found the books—three volumes—in the lower + part of an alcove in the wall; above them, within a niche in + the alcove, on a level with my face as I stood there, I + observed a bulb-shaped bottle, with a long thin neck, very + beautifully colored. I had seen it before, but without paying + particular attention to it, there being so many treasures of + its kind in the house; now, seeing it so closely, I could not + help admiring its exquisite beauty, and feeling puzzled at + the scene depicted on it. In the widest part it was encircled + with a band, and on it appeared slim youths and maidens, in + delicate, rose-colored garments, with butterfly wings on + their shoulders, running or hurriedly walking, playing on + instruments of various forms, their faces shining with + gladness, their golden hair tossed by the wind—a gay + procession, without beginning or end. Behind these joyful + ones, in pale gray, and half-obscured by the mists that + formed the background, appeared a second procession, hurrying + in an opposite direction—men and women of all ages, but + mostly old, with haggard, woebegone faces; some bowed down, + their eyes fixed on the ground; others wringing their hands, + or beating their breasts; and all apparently suffering the + utmost affliction of mind. + </p> + <p> + Above the bottle there was a deep circular cell in the + alcove, about fifteen inches in diameter; fitted in it was a + metal ring, to which were attached golden strings, fine as + gossamer threads: behind the first ring was a second, and + further in still others, all stringed like the first, so that + looking into the cell it appeared filled with a mist of + golden cobweb. + </p> + <p> + Drawing a cushioned seat to this secluded nook, where no + person passing casually through the room would be able to see + me, I sat down, and feeling too indolent to get myself a + reading-stand, I supported the volume I had taken up to read + on my knees. It was entitled <i>Conduct and Ceremonial,</i> + and the subject-matter was divided into short sections, each + with an appropriate heading. Turning over the leaves, and + reading a sentence here and there in different sections, it + occurred to me that this might prove a most useful work for + me to study, whenever I could bring my mind into the right + frame for such a task; for it contained minute instructions + upon all points relating to individual conduct in the + house—as the entertainment of pilgrims, the dress to be + worn, and the conduct to be observed at the various annual + festivals, with other matters of the kind. Glancing through + it in this rapid way, I soon finished with the first volume, + then went through the second in even less time, for many of + the concluding sections related to lugubrious subjects which + I did not care to linger over; the titles alone were enough + to trouble me—Decay through Age, Ailments of Mind and + of Body; then Death, and, finally, the Disposal of the Dead. + This done I took up the third volume, the last of the series, + the first portion of which was headed, <i>Renewal of the + Family</i>. This part I began to examine with some attention, + and pretty soon discovered that I had now at last + accidentally stumbled upon a perfect mine of information of + the precise kind I had so long and so vainly been seeking. + Struggling to overcome my agitation I read on, hurrying + through page after page with the greatest rapidity; for there + was here much matter that had no special interest for me, but + incidentally the things which concerned me most to know were + touched on, and in some cases minutely explained. As I + proceeded, the prophetic gloom which had oppressed me all + that day, and for so many days before, darkened to the + blackness of despair, and suddenly throwing up my arms, the + book slipped from my knees and fell with a crash upon the + floor. There, face downwards, with its beautiful leaves + doubled and broken under its weight, it rested unheeded at my + feet. For now the desired knowledge was mine, and that dream + of happiness which had illumined my life was over. Now I + possessed the secret of that passionless, everlasting calm of + beings who had for ever outlived, and left as immeasurably + far behind as the instincts of the wolf and ape, the + strongest emotion of which my heart was capable. For the + children of the house there could be no union by marriage; in + body and soul they differed from me: they had no name for + that feeling which I had so often and so vainly declared; + therefore they had told me again and again that there was + only one kind of love, for they, alas! could experience one + kind only. I did not, for the moment, seek further in the + book, or pause to reflect on that still unexplained mystery, + which was the very center and core of the whole mater, + namely, the existence of the father and mother in the house, + from whose union the family was renewed, and who, fruitful + themselves, were yet the parents of a barren race. Nor did I + ask who their successors would be: for albeit long-lived, + they were mortal like their own passionless children, and in + this particular house their lives appeared now to be drawing + to an end. These were questions I cared nothing about. It was + enough to know that Yoletta could never love me as I loved + her—that she could never be mine, body and soul, in my + way and not in hers. With unspeakable bitterness I recalled + my conversation with Chastel: now all her professions of + affection and goodwill, all her schemes for smoothing my way + and securing my happiness, seemed to me the veriest mockery, + since even she had read my heart no better than the others, + and that chill moonlight felicity, beyond which her children + were powerless to imagine anything, had no charm for my + passion-torn heart. + </p> + <p> + Presently, when I began to recover somewhat from my + stupefaction, and to realize the magnitude of my loss, the + misery of it almost drove me mad. I wished that I had never + made this fatal discovery, that I might have continued still + hoping and dreaming, and wearing out my heart with striving + after the impossible, since any fate would have been + preferable to the blank desolation which now confronted me. I + even wished to possess the power of some implacable god or + demon, that I might shatter the sacred houses of this later + race, and destroy them everlastingly, and repeople the + peaceful world with struggling, starving millions, as in the + past, so that the beautiful flower of love which had withered + in men's hearts might blossom again. + </p> + <p> + While these insane thoughts were passing through my brain I + had risen from my seat, and stood leaning against the edge of + the alcove, with that curious richly-colored bottle close to + my eyes. There were letters on it, noticed now for the first + time—minute, hair-like lines beneath the + strange-contrasted processionists depicted on the + band—and even in my excited condition I was a little + startled when these letters, forming the end of a sentence, + shaped themselves into the words—<i>and for the old + life there shall be a new life</i>. + </p> + <p> + Turning the bottle round I read the whole sentence. <i>When + time and disease oppress, and the sun grows cold in heaven, + and there is no longer any joy on the earth, and the fire of + love grows cold in the heart, drink of me, and for the old + life there shall be a new life.</i> + </p> + <p> + "Another important secret!" thought I; "this day has + certainly been fruitful in discoveries. A panacea for all + diseases, even for the disease of old age, so that a man may + live two hundred years, and still find some pleasure in + existence. But for me life has lost its savor, and I have no + wish to last so long. There is more writing + here—another secret perhaps, but I doubt very much that + it will give me any comfort." + </p> + <p> + <i>When your soul is darkened, so that it is hard to know + evil from good, and the thoughts that are in you lead to + madness, drink of me, and be cured.</i> + </p> + <p> + "No, I shall not drink and be cured! Better a thousand times + the thoughts that lead to madness than this colorless + existence without love. I do not wish to recover from so + sweet a malady." + </p> + <p> + I took the bottle in my hand and unstopped it. The stopper + formed a curious little cup, round the rim of which was + written, <i>Drink of me</i>. I poured some of the liquid out + into the cup; it was pale yellow in color, and had a faint + sickly smell as of honeysuckles. Then I poured it back again + and replaced the bottle in its niche. + </p> + <p> + <i>Drink and be cured</i>. No, not yet. Some day, perhaps, my + trouble increasing till it might no longer be borne, would + drive me to seek such dreary comfort as this cure-all bottle + contained. To love without hope was sad enough, but to be + without love was even sadder. + </p> + <p> + I had grown calm now: the knowledge that I had it in my power + to escape at once and for eyer from that rage of desire, had + served to sober my mind, and at last I began to reason about + the matter. The nature of my secret feelings could never be + suspected, and in the unsubstantial realm of the imagination + it would still be in my power to hide myself with my love, + and revel in all supreme delight. Would not that be better + than this cure—this calm contentment held out to me? + And in time also my feelings would lose their present + intensity, which often made them an agony, and would come at + last to exist only as a gentle rapture stirring in my heart + when I clasped my darling to my bosom and pressed her sweet + lips with mine. Ah, no! that was a vain dream, I could not be + deceived by it; for who can say to the demon of passion in + him, thus far shalt thou go and no further? + </p> + <p> + Perplexed in mind and unable to decide which thing was best, + my troubled thoughts at length took me back to that far-off + dead past, when the passion of love was so much in man's + life. It was much; but in that over-populated world it + divided the empire of his soul with a great, ever-growing + misery—the misery of the hungry ones whose minds were + darkened, through long years of decadence, with a sullen rage + against God and man; and the misery of those who, wanting + nothing, yet feared that the end of all things was coming to + them. + </p> + <p> + For the space of half an hour I pondered on these things, + then said: "If I were to tell a hundredth part of this black + retrospect to Yoletta, would not she bid me drink and forget, + and herself pour out the divine liquor, and press it to my + lips?" + </p> + <p> + Again I took the bottle with trembling hand, and filled the + same small cup to the brim, saying: "For your sake then, + Yoletta, let me drink, and be cured; for this is what you + desire, and you are more to me than life or passion or + happiness. But when this consuming fire has left + me—this feeling which until now burns and palpitates in + every drop of my blood, every fiber of my being—I know + that you shall still be to me a sweet, sacred sister and + immaculate bride, worshipped more of my soul than any mother + in the house; that loving and being loved by you shall be my + one great joy all my life long." + </p> + <p> + I drained the cup deliberately, then stopped the bottle and + put it back in its place. The liquor was tasteless, but + colder than ice, and made me shiver when I swallowed it. I + began to wonder whether I would be conscious of the change it + was destined to work in me or not; and then, half regretting + what I had done, I wished that Yoletta would come to me, so + that I might clasp her in my arms with all the old fervor + once more, before that icy-cold liquor had done its work. + Finally, I carefully raised the fallen book, and smoothed out + its doubled leaves, regretting that I had injured it; and, + sitting down again, I held the open volume as before, resting + on my knees. Now, however, I perceived that it had opened at + a place some pages in advance of the passages which had + excited me; but, feeling no desire to go back to resume my + reading just where I had left off, my eyes mechanically + sought the top of the page before me, and this is what I + read: + </p> + <p> + "...make choice of one of the daughters of the house; it is + fitting that she should rejoice for that brighter excellence + which caused her to be raised to so high a state, and to have + authority over all others, since in her, with the father, all + the majesty and glory of the house is centered; albeit with a + solemn and chastened joy, like that of the pilgrim who, + journeying to some distant tropical region of the earth, and + seeing the shores of his native country fading from sight, + thinks at one and the same time of the unimaginable beauties + of nature and art that fire his mind and call him away, and + of the wide distance which will hold him for many years + divided from all familiar scenes and the beings he loves + best, and of the storms and perils of the great wilderness of + waves, into which so many have ventured and have not + returned. For now a changed body and soul shall separate her + forever from those who were one in nature with her; and with + that superior happiness destined to be hers there shall be + the pains and perils of childbirth, with new griefs and cares + unknown to those of humbler condition. But on that lesser + gladness had by the children of the house in her exaltation, + and because there will be a new mother in the house—one + chosen from themselves—there shall be no cloud or + shadow; and, taking her by the hand, and kissing her face in + token of joy, and of that new filial love and obedience which + will be theirs, they shall lead her to the Mother's Room, + thereafter to be inhabited by her as long as life lasts. And + she shall no longer serve in the house or suffer rebuke; but + all shall serve her in love, and hold her in reverence, who + is their predestined mother. And for the space of one year + she shall be without authority in the house, being one apart, + instructing herself in the secret books which it is not + lawful for another to read, and observing day by day the + directions contained therein, until that new knowledge and + practice shall ripen her for that state she has been chosen + to fill." + </p> + <hr> + <br> + <br> + + <p> + This passage was a fresh revelation to me. Again I recalled + Chastel's words, her repeated assurances that she knew what + was passing in my mind, that her eyes saw things more clearly + than others could see them, that only by giving me the desire + of my heart could the one remaining hope of her life be + fulfilled. Now I seemed able to understand these dark + sayings, and a new excitement, full of the joy of hope, + sprang up in me, making me forget the misery I had so + recently experienced, and even that increasing sensation of + intense cold caused by the draught from the mysterious + bottle. + </p> + <p> + I continued reading, but the above passage was succeeded by + minute instructions, extending over several pages, concerning + the dress, both for ordinary and extraordinary occasions, to + be worn by the chosen daughter during her year of + preparation: the conduct to be observed by her towards other + members of the family, also towards pilgrims visiting the + house in the interval, with many other matters of secondary + importance. Impatient to reach the end, I tried to turn the + leaves rapidly, but now found that my arm had grown strangely + stiff and cold, and seemed like an arm of iron when I raised + it, so that the turning over of each leaf was an immense + labor. Then I read yet another page, but with the utmost + difficulty; for, notwithstanding the eagerness of my mind, my + eyes began to remain more and more rigidly fixed on the + center of the leaf, so that I could scarcely force them to + follow the lines. Here I read that the bride-elect, her year + of preparation being over, rises before daylight, and goes + out alone to an appointed place at a great distance from the + house, there to pass several hours in solitude and silence, + communing with her own heart. Meanwhile, in the house all the + others array themselves in purple garments, and go out + singing at sunrise to gather flowers to adorn their heads; + then, proceeding to the appointed spot, they seek for their + new mother, and, finding her, lead her home with music and + rejoicing. + </p> + <p> + When, reading in this miserable, painful way, I had reached + the bottom of the page, and attempted to turn it over, I + found that I could no longer move my hand—my arms being + now like arms of iron, absolutely devoid of sensation, while + my hands, rigidly grasping the book like the hands of a + frozen corpse, held it upright and motionless before me. I + tried to start up and shake off this strange deadness from my + body, but was powerless to move a muscle. What was the + meaning of this condition? for I had absolutely no pain, no + discomfort even; for the sensation of intense cold had almost + ceased, and my mind was active and clear, and I could hear + and see, and yet was as powerless as if I had been buried in + a marble coffin a thousand fathoms deep in earth. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly I remembered the draught from the bottle, and a + terrible doubt shot through my heart. Alas! had I mistaken + the meaning of those strange words I had read?—was + <i>death</i> the cure which that mysterious vessel promised + to those who drank of its contents? "When life becomes a + burden, it is good to lay it down"; now too late the words of + the father, when reproving me after my fever, came back to my + mind in all their awful significance. + </p> + <p> + All at once I heard a voice calling my name, and in a moment + the tempest in me was stilled. Yes, it was my darling's + voice—she was coming to me—she would save me in + this dire extremity. Again and again she called, but the + voice now sounded further and further away; and with + ineffable anguish I remembered that she would not be able to + see me where I sat. I tried to cry out, "Come quick, Yoletta, + and save me from death!" but though I mentally repeated the + words again and again in an extreme agony of terror, my + frozen tongue refused to make a sound. Presently I heard a + light, quick step on the floor, then Yoletta's clear voice. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, I have found you at last!" she cried. "I have been + seeking you all over the house. I have something glad to tell + you—something to make you happier than on that + day—do you remember?—when you saw me coming to + you in the wood. The mother has left her chamber at last; she + is in the Mother's Room again, waiting impatiently to see + you. Come, come!" + </p> + <p> + Her words sounded distinctly in my ears, and although I could + not lift or turn my rigid eyes to see her, yet I seemed to + see her now better than ever before, with some fresh glory, + as of a new, unaccustomed gladness or excitement enhancing + her unsurpassed loveliness, so clearly at that moment did her + image shine in my soul! And not hers only, for now suddenly, + by a miracle of the mind, the entire family appeared there + before me; and in the midst sat Chastel, my sweet, suffering + mother, as on that day after my illness when she had pardoned + me, and put out her hand for me to kiss. As on that occasion, + now—now she was gazing on me with such divine love and + compassion in her eyes, her lips half parted, and a slight + color flushing her pale face, recalling to it the bloom and + radiance of which cruel disease had robbed her! And in my + soul also, at that supreme moment, like a scene starting at + the lightning's flash out of thick darkness, shone the image + of the house, with all its wide, tranquil rooms rich in art + and ancient memories, every stone within them glowing, with + everlasting beauty—a house enduring as the green plains + and rushing rivers and solemn woods and world-old hills amid + which it was set like a sacred gem! O sweet abode of love and + peace and purity of heart! O bliss surpassing that of the + angels! O rich heritage, must I lose you for ever! Save me + from death, Yoletta, my love, my bride—save + me—save me—save me! + </p> + <p> + Then something touched or fell on my neck, and at the same + moment a deeper shadow passed over the page before me, with + all its rich coloring floating formless, like vapors, + mingling and separating, or dancing before my vision, like + bright-winged insects hovering in the sunlight; and I knew + that she was bending over me, her hand on my neck, her loose + hair falling on my forehead. + </p> + <p> + In that enforced stillness and silence I waited expectant for + some moments. + </p> + <p> + Then a great cry, as of one who suddenly sees a black + phantom, rang out loud in the room, jarring my brain with the + madness of its terror, and striking as with a hundred + passionate hands on all the hidden harps in wall and roof; + and the troubled sounds came back to me, now loud and now + low, burdened with an infinite anguish and despair, as of + voices of innumerable multitudes wandering in the sunless + desolations of space, every voice reverberating anguish and + despair; and the successive reverberations lifted me like + waves and dropped me again, and the waves grew less and the + sounds fainter, then fainter still, and died in everlasting + silence. + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + <p> + + </p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Crystal Age, by W. 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