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diff --git a/7152.txt b/7152.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9ec7aad --- /dev/null +++ b/7152.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12975 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Cecilia, Volume 3 (of 3), by +Frances (Fanny) Burney (Madame d'Arblay) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Cecilia, Volume 3 (of 3) + Memoirs of an Heiress + +Author: Frances (Fanny) Burney (Madame d'Arblay) + + +Release Date: December, 2004 [EBook #7152] +This file was first posted on March 18, 2003 +Last Updated: June 11, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CECILIA, VOLUME 3 (OF 3) *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Charles Franks and the people at DP + + + + + + + +CECILIA + +OR + +Memoirs of an Heiress + +by + +FRANCES BURNEY + +VOL. III. + + + + +BOOK VIII. _Continued_. + + + +CHAPTER ii. + +AN EVENT. + +Scarce less unhappy in her decision than in her uncertainty, and every +way dissatisfied with her situation, her views and herself, Cecilia +was still so distressed and uncomfortable, when Delvile called the next +morning, that he could not discover what her determination had been, and +fearfully enquired his doom with hardly any hope of finding favour. + +But Cecilia was above affectation, and a stranger to art. "I would not, +Sir," she said, "keep you an instant in suspense, when I am no longer in +suspense myself. I may have appeared trifling, but I have been nothing +less, and you would readily exculpate me of caprice, if half the +distress of my irresolution was known to you. Even now, when I hesitate +no more, my mind is so ill at ease, that I could neither wonder nor be +displeased should you hesitate in your turn." + +"You hesitate no more?" cried he, almost breathless at the sound of +those words, "and is it possible--Oh my Cecilia!--is it possible your +resolution is in my favour?" + +"Alas!" cried she, "how little is your reason to rejoice! a dejected and +melancholy gift is all you can receive!" + +"Ere I take it, then," cried he, in a voice that spoke joy; pain, and +fear all at once in commotion, "tell me if your reluctance has its +origin in _me_, that I may rather even yet relinquish you, than merely +owe your hand to the selfishness of persecution?" + +"Your pride," said she, half smiling, "has some right to be alarmed, +though I meant not to alarm it. No! it is with myself only I am at +variance, with my own weakness and want of judgment that I quarrel,--in +_you_ I have all the reliance that the highest opinion of your honour +and integrity can give me." + +This was enough for the warm heart of Delvile, not only to restore +peace, but to awaken rapture. He was almost as wild with delight, as he +had before been with apprehension, and poured forth his acknowledgments +with so much fervour of gratitude, that Cecilia imperceptibly grew +reconciled to herself, and before she missed her dejection, participated +in his contentment. + +She quitted him as soon as she had power, to acquaint Mrs Charlton with +what had passed, and assist in preparing her to accompany them to the +altar; while Delvile flew to his new acquaintance, Mr Singleton, the +lawyer, to request him to supply the place of Mr Monckton in giving her +away. + +All was now hastened with the utmost expedition, and to avoid +observation, they agreed to meet at the church; their desire of secrecy, +however potent, never urging them to wish the ceremony should be +performed in a place less awful. + +When the chairs, however, came, which were to carry the two ladies +thither, Cecilia trembled and hung back. The greatness of her +undertaking, the hazard of all her future happiness, the disgraceful +secrecy of her conduct, the expected reproaches of Mrs Delvile, and +the boldness and indelicacy of the step she was about to take, all so +forcibly struck, and so painfully wounded her, that the moment she was +summoned to set out, she again lost her resolution, and regretting the +hour that ever Delvile was known to her, she sunk into a chair, and gave +up her whole soul to anguish and sorrow. + +The good Mrs Charlton tried in vain to console her; a sudden horror +against herself had now seized her spirits, which, exhausted by long +struggles, could rally no more. + +In this situation she was at length surprised by Delvile, whose uneasy +astonishment that she had failed in her appointment, was only to be +equalled by that with which he was struck at the sight of her tears. He +demanded the cause with the utmost tenderness and apprehension; Cecilia +for some time could not speak, and then, with a deep sigh, "Ah!" she +cried, "Mr Delvile! how weak are we all when unsupported by our own +esteem! how feeble, how inconsistent, how changeable, when our courage +has any foundation but duty!" + +Delvile, much relieved by finding her sadness sprung not from any new +affliction, gently reproached her breach of promise, and earnestly +entreated her to repair it. "The clergyman," cried he, "is waiting; I +have left him with Mr Singleton in the vestry; no new objections have +started, and no new obstacles have intervened; why, then, torment +ourselves with discussing again the old ones, which we have already +considered till every possible argument upon them is exhausted? +Tranquillize, I conjure you, your agitated spirits, and if the truest +tenderness, the most animated esteem, and the gratefullest admiration, +can soften your future cares, and ensure your future peace, every +anniversary of this day will recompense my Cecilia for every pang she +now suffers!" + +Cecilia, half soothed and half ashamed, finding she had in fact nothing +new to say or to object, compelled herself to rise, and, penetrated +by his solicitations, endeavoured to compose her mind, and promised to +follow him. + +He would not trust her, however, from his sight, but seizing the very +instant of her renewed consent, he dismissed the chairs, and ordering +a hackney-coach, preferred any risk to that of her again wavering, and +insisted upon accompanying her in it himself. + +Cecilia had now scarce time to breathe, before she found herself at the +porch of----church. Delvile hurried her out of the carriage, and then +offered his arm to Mrs Charlton. Not a word was spoken by any of the +party till they went into the vestry, where Delvile ordered Cecilia +a glass of water, and having hastily made his compliments to the +clergyman, gave her hand to Mr Singleton, who led her to the altar. + +The ceremony was now begun; and Cecilia, finding herself past all power +of retracting, soon called her thoughts from wishing it, and turned her +whole attention to the awful service; to which though she listened with +reverence, her full satisfaction in the object of her vows, made +her listen without terror. But when the priest came to that solemn +adjuration, _If any man can shew any just cause why they may not +lawfully be joined together_, a conscious tear stole into her eye, and +a sigh escaped from Delvile that went to her heart: but, when the priest +concluded the exhortation with _let him now speak, or else hereafter +for-ever hold his peace_, a female voice at some distance, called out in +shrill accents, "I do!" + +The ceremony was instantly stopt. The astonished priest immediately shut +up the book to regard the intended bride and bridegroom; Delvile started +with amazement to see whence the sound proceeded; and Cecilia, aghast, +and struck with horror, faintly shriekt, and caught hold of Mrs +Charlton. + +The consternation was general, and general was the silence, though all +of one accord turned round towards the place whence the voice issued: a +female form at the same moment was seen rushing from a pew, who glided +out of the church with the quickness of lightning. + +Not a word was yet uttered, every one seeming rooted to the spot on +which he stood, and regarding in mute wonder the place this form had +crossed. + +Delvile at length exclaimed, "What can this mean?" + +"Did you not know the woman, Sir?" said the clergyman. + +"No, Sir, I did not even see her." + +"Nor you, madam?" said he, addressing Cecilia. + +"No, Sir," she answered, in a voice that scarce articulated the two +syllables, and changing colour so frequently, that Delvile, apprehensive +she would faint, flew to her, calling out, "Let _me_ support you!" + +She turned from him hastily, and still, holding by Mrs Charlton, moved +away from the altar. + +"Whither," cried Delvile, fearfully following her, "whither are you +going?" + +She made not any answer; but still, though tottering as much from +emotion as Mrs Charlton from infirmity, she walked on. + +"Why did you stop the ceremony, Sir?" cried Delvile, impatiently +speaking to the clergyman. + +"No ceremony, Sir," he returned, "could proceed with such an +interruption." + +"It has been wholly accidental," cried he, "for we neither of us +know the woman, who could not have any right or authority for the +prohibition." Then yet more anxiously pursuing Cecilia, "why," +he continued, "do you thus move off?--Why leave the ceremony +unfinished?--Mrs Charlton, what is it you are about?--Cecilia, I beseech +you return, and let the service go on!" + +Cecilia, making a motion with her hand to forbid his following her, +still silently proceeded, though drawing along with equal difficulty Mrs +Charlton and herself. + +"This is insupportable!" cried Delvile, with vehemence, "turn, I conjure +you!--my Cecilia!--my wife!--why is it you thus abandon me?--Turn, +I implore you, and receive my eternal vows!--Mrs Charlton, bring her +back,--Cecilia, you _must_ not go!--" + +He now attempted to take her hand, but shrinking from his touch, in an +emphatic but low voice, she said, "Yes, Sir, I must!--an interdiction +such as this!--for the world could I not brave it!" + +She then made an effort to somewhat quicken her pace. + +"Where," cried Delvile, half frantic, "where is this infamous woman? +This wretch who has thus wantonly destroyed me!" + +And he rushed out of the church in pursuit of her. + +The clergyman and Mr Singleton, who had hitherto been wondering +spectators, came now to offer their assistance to Cecilia. She declined +any help for herself, but gladly accepted their services for Mrs +Charlton, who, thunderstruck by all that had past, seemed almost robbed +of her faculties. Mr Singleton proposed calling a hackney coach, she +consented, and they stopt for it at the church porch. + +The clergyman now began to enquire of the pew-opener, what she knew of +the woman, who she was, and how she had got into the church? She knew of +her, she answered, nothing, but that she had come in to early prayers, +and she supposed she had hid herself in a pew when they were over, as +she had thought the church entirely empty. + +An hackney coach now drew up, and while the gentlemen were assisting Mrs +Charlton into it, Delvile returned. + +"I have pursued and enquired," cried he, "in vain, I can neither +discover nor hear of her.--But what is all this? Whither are you +going?--What does this coach do here?--Mrs Charlton, why do you get into +it?--Cecilia, what are you doing?" + +Cecilia turned away from him in silence. The shock she had received, +took from her all power of speech, while amazement and terror deprived +her even of relief from tears. She believed Delvile to blame, though she +knew not in what, but the obscurity of her fears served only to render +them more dreadful. + +She was now getting into the coach herself, but Delvile, who could +neither brook her displeasure, nor endure her departure, forcibly caught +her hand, and called out, "You are _mine_, you are my _wife_!--I will +part with you no more, and go whithersoever you will, I will follow and +claim you!" + +"Stop me not!" cried she, impatiently though faintly, "I am sick, I am +ill already,--if you detain me any longer, I shall be unable to support +myself!" + +"Oh then rest on _me_!" cried he, still holding her; "rest but upon me +till the ceremony is over!--you will drive me to despair and to madness +if you leave me in this barbarous manner!" + +A crowd now began to gather, and the words bride and bridegroom reached +the ears of Cecilia; who half dead with shame, with fear, and with +distress, hastily said "You are determined to make me miserable!" and +snatching away her hand, which Delvile at those words could no longer +hold, she threw herself into the carriage. + +Delvile, however, jumped in after her, and with an air of authority +ordered the coachman to Pall-Mall, and then drew up the glasses, with a +look of fierceness at the mob. + +Cecilia had neither spirits nor power to resist him; yet, offended by +his violence, and shocked to be thus publickly pursued by him, her looks +spoke a resentment far more mortifying than any verbal reproach. + +"Inhuman Cecilia!" cried he, passionately, "to desert me at the very +altar!--to cast me off at the instant the most sacred rites were uniting +us!--and then thus to look at me!--to treat me with this disdain at a +time of such distraction!--to scorn me thus injuriously at the moment +you unjustly abandon me!" + +"To how dreadful a scene," said Cecilia, recovering from her +consternation, "have you exposed me! to what shame, what indignity, what +irreparable disgrace!" + +"Oh heaven!" cried he with horror, "if any crime, any offence of mine +has occasioned this fatal blow, the whole world holds not a wretch so +culpable as myself, nor one who will sooner allow the justice of your +rigour! my veneration for you has ever equalled my affection, and could +I think it was through _me_ you have suffered any indignity, I should +soon abhor myself, as you seem to abhor me. But what is it I have done? +How have I thus incensed you? By what action, by what guilt, have I +incurred this displeasure? + +"Whence," cried she, "came that voice which still vibrates in my ear? +The prohibition could not be on _my_ account, since none to whom I am +known have either right or interest in even wishing it." + +"What an inference is this! over _me_, then, do you conclude this woman +had any power?" + +Here they stopt at the lodgings. Delvile handed both the ladies out. +Cecilia, eager to avoid his importunities, and dreadfully disturbed, +hastily past him, and ran up stairs; but Mrs Charlton refused not his +arm, on which she lent till they reached the drawing-room. + +Cecilia then rang the bell for her servant, and gave orders that a +post-chaise might be sent for immediately. + +Delvile now felt offended in his turn; but suppressing his vehemence, he +gravely and quietly said "Determined as you are to leave me, indifferent +to my peace, and incredulous of my word, deign, at least, before we +part, to be more explicit in your accusation, and tell me if indeed it +is possible you can suspect that the wretch who broke off the ceremony, +had ever from me received provocation for such an action?" + +"I know not what to suspect," said Cecilia, "where every thing is thus +involved in obscurity; but I must own I should have some difficulty to +think those words the effect of chance, or to credit that their speaker +was concealed without design." + +"You are right, then, madam," cried he, resentfully, "to discard me! to +treat me with contempt, to banish me without repugnance, since I see +you believe me capable of duplicity, and imagine I am better informed +in this affair than I appear to be. You have said I shall make you +miserable,--no, madam, no! your happiness and misery depend not upon one +you hold so worthless!" + +"On whatever they depend," said Cecilia, "I am too little at ease for +discussion. I would no more be daring than superstitious, but none of +our proceedings have prospered, and since their privacy has always been +contrary both to my judgment and my principles, I know not how to repine +at a failure I cannot think unmerited. Mrs Charlton, our chaise is +coming; you will be ready, I hope, to set off in it directly?" + +Delvile, too angry to trust himself to speak, now walked about the room, +and endeavoured to calm himself; but so little was his success, that +though silent till the chaise was announced, when he heard that dreaded +sound, and saw Cecilia steady in her purpose of departing, he was so +much shocked and afflicted, that, clasping his hands in a transport of +passion and grief, he exclaimed. "This, then, Cecilia, is your faith! +this is the felicity you bid me hope! this is the recompense of my +sufferings, and the performing of your engagement!" + +Cecilia, struck by these reproaches, turned back; but while she +hesitated how to answer them, he went on, "You are insensible to my +misery, and impenetrable to my entreaties; a secret enemy has had power +to make me odious in your sight, though for her enmity I can assign no +cause, though even her existence was this morning unknown to me! +Ever ready to abandon, and most willing to condemn me, you have more +confidence in a vague conjecture, than in all you have observed of the +whole tenour of my character. Without knowing why, you are disposed to +believe me criminal, without deigning to say wherefore, you are eager +to banish me your presence. Yet scarce could a consciousness of guilt +itself, wound me so forcibly, so keenly, as your suspecting I am +guilty!" + +"Again, then," cried Cecilia, "shall I subject myself to a scene of such +disgrace and horror? No, never!--The punishment of my error shall at +least secure its reformation. Yet if I merit your reproaches, I deserve +not your regard; cease, therefore, to profess any for me, or make them +no more." + +"Shew but to them," cried he, "the smallest sensibility, shew but for +me the most distant concern, and I will try to bear my disappointment +without murmuring, and submit to your decrees as to those from which +there is no appeal: but to wound without deigning even to look at what +you destroy,--to shoot at random those arrows that are pointed with +poison,--to see them fasten on the heart, and corrode its vital +functions, yet look on without compunction, or turn away with cold +disdain,--Oh where is the candour I thought lodged in Cecilia! where the +justice, the equity, I believed a part of herself!" + +"After all that has past," said Cecilia, sensibly touched by his +distress, "I expected not these complaints, nor that, from me, any +assurances would be wanted; yet, if it will quiet your mind, if it will +better reconcile you to our separation---" + +"Oh fatal prelude!" interrupted he, "what on earth can quiet my mind +that leads to our separation?--Give to me no condescension with any such +view,--preserve your indifference, persevere in your coldness, +triumph still in your power of inspiring those feelings you can never +return,--all, every thing is more supportable than to talk of our +separation!" + +"Yet how," cried she, "parted, torn asunder as we have been, how is it +now to be avoided?" + +"Trust in my honour! Shew me but the confidence which I will venture to +say I deserve, and then will that union no longer be impeded, which in +future, I am certain, will never be repented!" + +"Good heaven, what a request! faith so implicit would be frenzy." + +"You doubt, then, my integrity? You suspect---" + +"Indeed I do not; yet in a case of such importance, what ought to guide +me but my own reason, my own conscience, my own sense of right? Pain me +not, therefore, with reproaches, distress me no more with entreaties, +when I solemnly declare that no earthly consideration shall ever +again make me promise you my hand, while the terror of Mrs Delvile's +displeasure has possession of my heart. And now adieu." + +"You give me, then, up?" + +"Be patient, I beseech you; and attempt not to follow me; 'tis a step I +cannot permit." + +"Not follow you? And who has power to prevent me?" + +"_I_ have, Sir, if to incur my endless resentment is of any consequence +to you." + +She then, with an air of determined steadiness, moved on; Mrs Charlton, +assisted by the servants, being already upon the stairs. + +"O tyranny!" cried he, "what submission is it you exact!--May I not even +enquire into the dreadful mystery of this morning?" + +"Yes, certainly." + +"And may I not acquaint you with it, should it be discovered?" + +"I shall not be sorry to hear it. Adieu." + +She was now half way down the stairs; when, losing all forbearance, he +hastily flew after her, and endeavouring to stop her, called out, "If +you do not hate and detest me,--if I am not loathsome and abhorrent to +you, O quit me not thus insensibly!--Cecilia! my beloved Cecilia!--speak +to me, at least, one word of less severity! Look at me once more, and +tell me we part not for-ever!" + +Cecilia then turned round, and while a starting tear shewed her +sympathetic distress, said, "Why will you thus oppress me with +entreaties I ought not to gratify?--Have I not accompanied you to the +altar,--and can you doubt what I have thought of you?" + +"_Have_ thought?--Oh Cecilia!--is it then all over?" + +"Pray suffer me to go quietly, and fear not I shall go too happily! +Suppress your own feelings, rather than seek to awaken mine. Alas! there +is little occasion!--Oh Mr Delvile! were our connection opposed by no +duty, and repugnant to no friends, were it attended by no impropriety, +and carried on with no necessity of disguise,--you would not thus charge +me with indifference, you would not suspect me of insensibility,--Oh no! +the choice of my heart would then be its glory, and all I now blush to +feel, I should openly and with pride acknowledge!" + +She then hurried to the chaise, Delvile pursuing her with thanks and +blessings, and gratefully assuring her, as he handed her into it, that +he would obey all her injunctions, and not even attempt to see her, +till he could bring her some intelligence concerning the morning's +transaction. + +The chaise then drove off. + + + +CHAPTER iii. + +A CONSTERNATION. + +The journey was melancholy and tedious: Mrs Charlton, extremely fatigued +by the unusual hurry and exercise both of mind and body which she had +lately gone through, was obliged to travel very slowly, and to lie upon +the road. Cecilia, however, was in no haste to proceed: she was going to +no one she wished to see, she was wholly without expectation of meeting +with any thing that could give her pleasure. The unfortunate expedition +in which she had been engaged, left her now nothing but regret, and only +promised her in future sorrow and mortification. + +Mrs Charlton, after her return home, still continued ill, and Cecilia, +who constantly attended her, had the additional affliction of imputing +her indisposition to herself. Every thing she thought conspired to +punish the error she had committed; her proceedings were discovered, +though her motives were unknown; the Delvile family could not fail to +hear of her enterprize, and while they attributed it to her temerity, +they would exult in its failure: but chiefly hung upon her mind the +unaccountable prohibition of her marriage. Whence that could proceed +she was wholly without ability to divine, yet her surmizes were not more +fruitless than various. At one moment she imagined it some frolic of +Morrice, at another some perfidy of Monckton, and at another an idle +and unmeaning trick of some stranger to them all. But none of these +suppositions carried with them any air of probability; Morrice, even if +he had watched their motions and pursued them to the church, which his +inquisitive impertinence made by no means impossible, could yet hardly +have either time or opportunity to engage any woman in so extraordinary +an undertaking; Mr Monckton, however averse to the connection, she +considered as a man of too much honour to break it off in a manner so +alarming and disgraceful; and mischief so wanton in any stranger, seemed +to require a share of unfeeling effrontery, which could fall to the lot +of so few as to make this suggestion unnatural and incredible. + +Sometimes she imagined that Delvile might formerly have been affianced +to some woman, who having accidentally discovered his intentions, +took this desperate method of rendering them abortive: but this was a +short-lived thought, and speedily gave way to her esteem for his general +character, and her confidence in the firmness of his probity. + +All, therefore, was dark and mysterious; conjecture was baffled, and +meditation was useless. Her opinions were unfixed, and her heart was +miserable; she could only be steady in believing Delvile as unhappy as +herself, and only find consolation in believing him, also, as blameless. + +Three days passed thus, without incident or intelligence; her time +wholly occupied in attending Mrs Charlton; her thoughts all engrossed +upon her own situation: but upon the fourth day she was informed that a +lady was in the parlour, who desired to speak with her. + +She presently went down stairs,--and, upon entering the room, perceived +Mrs Delvile! + +Seized with astonishment and fear, she stopt short, and, looking aghast, +held by the door, robbed of all power to receive so unexpected and +unwelcome a visitor, by an internal sensation of guilt, mingled with a +dread of discovery and reproach. + +Mrs Delvile, addressing her with the coldest politeness, said, "I fear +I have surprised you; I am sorry I had not time to acquaint you of my +intention to wait upon you." + +Cecilia then, moving from the door, faintly answered, "I cannot, madam, +but be honoured by your notice, whenever you are pleased to confer it." + +They then sat down; Mrs Delvile preserving an air the most formal and +distant, and Cecilia half sinking with apprehensive dismay. + +After a short and ill-boding silence, "I mean not," said Mrs Delvile, +"to embarrass or distress you; I will not, therefore, keep you in +suspense of the purport of my visit. I come not to make enquiries, +I come not to put your sincerity to any trial, nor to torture your +delicacy; I dispense with all explanation, for I have not one doubt to +solve: I _know_ what has passed, I _know_ that my son loves you." + +Not all her secret alarm, nor all the perturbation of her fears, had +taught Cecilia to expect so direct an attack, nor enabled her to bear +the shock of it with any composure: she could not speak, she could +not look at Mrs Delvile; she arose, and walked to the window, without +knowing what she was doing. + +Here, however, her distress was not likely to diminish; for the first +sight she saw was Fidel, who barked, and jumped up at the window to lick +her hands. + +"Good God! Fidel here!" exclaimed Mrs Delvile, amazed. + +Cecilia, totally overpowered, covered her glowing face with both her +hands, and sunk into a chair. + +Mrs Delvile for a few minutes was silent; and then, following her, said, +"Imagine not I am making any discovery, nor suspect me of any design +to develop your sentiments. That Mortimer could love in vain I never, +believed; that Miss Beverley, possessing so much merit, could be blind +to it in another, I never thought possible. I mean not, therefore, to +solicit any account or explanation, but merely to beg your patience +while I talk to you myself, and your permission to speak to you with +openness and truth." + +Cecilia, though relieved by this calmness from all apprehension of +reproach, found in her manner a coldness that convinced her of the loss +of her affection, and in the introduction to her business a solemnity +that assured her what she should decree would be unalterable. She +uncovered her face to shew her respectful attention, but she could not +raise it up, and could not utter a word. + +Mrs Delvile then seated herself next her, and gravely continued her +discourse. + +"Miss Beverley, however little acquainted with the state of our family +affairs, can scarcely have been uninformed that a fortune such as hers +seems almost all that family can desire; nor can she have failed to +observe, that her merit and accomplishments have no where been more felt +and admired: the choice therefore of Mortimer she could not doubt would +have our sanction, and when she honoured his proposals with her favour, +she might naturally conclude she gave happiness and pleasure to all his +friends." + +Cecilia, superior to accepting a palliation of which she felt herself +undeserving, now lifted up her head, and forcing herself to speak, +said "No, madam, I will not deceive you, for I have never been deceived +myself: I presumed not to expect your approbation,--though in missing it +I have for ever lost my own!" + +"Has Mortimer, then," cried she with eagerness, "been strictly +honourable? has he neither beguiled nor betrayed you?" + +"No, madam," said she, blushing, "I have nothing to reproach him with." + +"Then he is indeed my son!" cried Mrs Delvile, with emotion; "had he +been treacherous to you, while disobedient to us, I had indisputably +renounced him." + +Cecilia, who now seemed the only culprit, felt herself in a state of +humiliation not to be borne; she collected, therefore, all her courage, +and said, "I have cleared Mr Delvile; permit me, madam, now, to say +something for myself." + +"Certainly; you cannot oblige me more than by speaking without +disguise." + +"It is not in the hope of regaining your good opinion,--that, I see, is +lost!--but merely--" + +"No, not lost," said Mrs Delvile, "but if once it was yet higher, the +fault was my own, in indulging an expectation of perfection to which +human nature is perhaps unequal." + +Ah, then, thought Cecilia, all is over! the contempt I so much feared is +incurred, and though it may be softened, it can never be removed! + +"Speak, then, and with sincerity," she continued, "all you wish me to +hear, and then grant me your attention in return to the purpose of my +present journey." + +"I have little, madam," answered the depressed Cecilia, "to say; you +tell me you already know all that has past; I will not, therefore, +pretend to take any merit from revealing it: I will only add, that my +consent to this transaction has made me miserable almost from the moment +I gave it; that I meant and wished to retract as soon as reflection +pointed out to me my error, and that circumstances the most perverse, +not blindness to propriety, nor stubbornness in wrong, led me to make, +at last, that fatal attempt, of which the recollection, to my last hour, +must fill me with regret and shame." + +"I wonder not," said Mrs Delvile, "that in a situation where delicacy +was so much less requisite than courage, Miss Beverley should feel +herself distressed and unhappy. A mind such as hers could never err +with impunity; and it is solely from a certainty of her innate sense of +right, that I venture to wait upon her now, and that I have any hope +to influence _her_ upon whose influence alone our whole family must in +future depend. Shall I now proceed, or is there any thing you wish to +say first?" + +"No, madam, nothing." + +"Hear me, then, I beg of you, with no predetermination to disregard me, +but with an equitable resolution to attend to reason, and a candour that +leaves an opening to conviction. Not easy, indeed, is such a task, to +a mind pre-occupied with an intention to be guided by the dictates of +inclination,---" + +"You wrong me, indeed, madam!" interrupted Cecilia, greatly hurt, "my +mind harbours no such intention, it has no desire but to be guided by +duty, it is wretched with a consciousness of having failed in it! I +pine, I sicken to recover my own good opinion; I should then no longer +feel unworthy of yours; and whether or not I might be able to regain it, +I should at least lose this cruel depression that now sinks me in your +presence!" + +"To regain it," said Mrs Delvile, "were to exercise but half your power, +which at this moment enables you, if such is your wish, to make me think +of you more highly than one human being ever thought of another. Do you +condescend to hold this worth your while?" + +Cecilia started at the question; her heart beat quick with struggling +passions; she saw the sacrifice which was to be required, and her pride, +her affronted pride, arose high to anticipate the rejection; but the +design was combated by her affections, which opposed the indignant +rashness, and told her that one hasty speech might separate her from +Delvile for ever. When this painful conflict was over, of which Mrs +Delvile patiently waited the issue, she answered, with much hesitation, +"To regain your good opinion, madam, greatly, truly as I value it,--is +what I now scarcely dare hope." + +"Say not so," cried she, "since, if you hope, you cannot miss it. I +purpose to point out to you the means to recover it, and to tell you +how greatly I shall think myself your debtor if you refuse not to employ +them." + +She stopt; but Cecilia hung back; fearful of her own strength, she dared +venture at no professions; yet, how either to support, or dispute her +compliance, she dreaded to think. + +"I come to you, then," Mrs Delvile solemnly resumed, "in the name of Mr +Delvile, and in the name of our whole family; a family as ancient as +it is honourable, as honourable as it is ancient. Consider me as its +representative, and hear in me its common voice, common opinion, and +common address. + +"My son, the supporter of our house, the sole guardian of its name, and +the heir of our united fortunes, has selected you, we know, for the lady +of his choice, and so fondly has, fixed upon you his affections, that +he is ready to relinquish us all in preference to subduing them. To +yourself alone, then, can we apply, and I come to you--" + +"O hold, madam, hold!" interrupted Cecilia, whose courage now revived +from resentment, "I know, what you would say; you come to tell me of +your disdain; you come to reproach my presumption, and to kill me with +your contempt! There is little occasion for such a step; I am depressed, +I am self-condemned already; spare me, therefore, this insupportable +humiliation, wound me not with your scorn, oppress me not with your +superiority! I aim at no competition, I attempt no vindication, I +acknowledge my own littleness as readily as you can despise it, and +nothing but indignity could urge me to defend it!" + +"Believe me," said Mrs Delvile, "I meant not to hurt or offend you, and +I am sorry if I have appeared to you either arrogant or assuming. The +peculiar and perilous situation of my family has perhaps betrayed me +into offensive expressions, and made me guilty myself of an ostentation +which in others has often disgusted me. Ill, indeed, can we any of us +bear the test of experiment, when tried upon those subjects which call +forth our particular propensities. We may strive to be disinterested, +we may struggle to be impartial, but self will still predominate, still +shew us the imperfection of our natures, and the narrowness of our +souls. Yet acquit me, I beg, of any intentional insolence, and imagine +not that in speaking highly of my own family, I, mean to depreciate +yours: on the contrary, I know it to be respectable, I know, too, that +were it the lowest in the kingdom, the first might envy it that it gave +birth to such a daughter." + +Cecilia, somewhat soothed by this speech, begged her pardon for having +interrupted her, and she proceeded. + +"To your family, then, I assure you, whatever may be the pride of our +own, _you_ being its offspring, we would not object. With your merit we +are all well acquainted, your character has our highest esteem, and +your fortune exceeds even our most sanguine desires. Strange at once +and afflicting! that not all these requisites for the satisfaction of +prudence, nor all these allurements for the gratification of happiness, +can suffice to fulfil or to silence the claims of either! There are yet +other demands to which we must attend, demands which ancestry and blood +call upon us aloud to ratify! Such claimants are not to be neglected +with impunity; they assert their rights with the authority of +prescription, they forbid us alike either to bend to inclination, or +stoop to interest, and from generation to generation their injuries +will call out for redress, should their noble and long unsullied name be +voluntarily consigned to oblivion!" + +Cecilia, extremely struck by these words, scarce wondered, since so +strong and so established were her opinions, that the obstacle to her +marriage, though but one, should be considered as insuperable. + +"Not, therefore, to _your_ name are we averse," she continued, "but +simply to our own more partial. To sink that, indeed, in _any_ +other, were base and unworthy:--what, then, must be the shock of my +disappointment, should Mortimer Delvile, the darling of my hopes, the +last survivor of his house, in whose birth I rejoiced as the promise of +its support, in whose accomplishments I gloried, as the revival of its +lustre,--should _he_, should, _my_ son be the first to abandon it! to +give up the name he seemed born to make live, and to cause in effect its +utter annihilation!--Oh how should I know my son when an alien to his +family! how bear to think I had cherished in my bosom the betrayer of +its dearest interests, the destroyer of its very existence!" + +Cecilia, scarce more afflicted than offended, now hastily answered, "Not +for me, madam, shall he commit this crime, not on _my_ account shall he +be reprobated by his family! Think of him, therefore, no more, with any +reference to me, for I would not be the cause of unworthiness or guilt +in him to be mistress of the universe!" + +"Nobly said!" cried Mrs Delvile, her eyes sparkling with joy, and her +cheeks glowing with pleasure, "now again do I know Miss Beverley! now +again see the refined, the excellent young woman, whose virtues taught +me to expect the renunciation even of her own happiness, when found to +be incompatible with her duty!" + +Cecilia now trembled and turned pale; she scarce knew herself what she +had said, but, she found by Mrs Delvile's construction of her words, +they had been regarded as her final relinquishing of her son. She +ardently wished to quit the room before she was called upon to confirm +the sentence, but, she had not courage to make the effort, nor to rise, +speak, or move. + +"I grieve, indeed," continued Mrs Delvile, whose coldness and austerity +were changed into mildness and compassion, "at the necessity I have been +under to draw from you a concurrence so painful: but no other resource +was in my power. My influence with Mortimer, whatever it may be, I have +not any right to try, without obtaining your previous consent, since I +regard him myself as bound to you in honour, and only to be released by +your own virtuous desire. I will leave you, however, for my presence, +I see, is oppressive to you. Farewell; and when you _can_ forgive me, I +think you _will_." + +"I have nothing, madam," said Cecilia, coldly, "to forgive; you have +only asserted your own dignity, and I have nobody to blame but myself, +for having given you occasion." + +"Alas," cried Mrs Delvile, "if worth and nobleness of soul on your part, +if esteem and tenderest affection on mine, were all which that dignity +which offends you requires, how should I crave the blessing of such a +daughter! how rejoice in joining my son to excellence so like his own, +and ensuring his happiness while I stimulated his virtue!" + +"Do not talk to me of affection, madam," said Cecilia, turning away from +her; "whatever you had for me is past,--even your esteem is gone,--you +may pity me, indeed, but your pity is mixed with contempt, and I am not +so abject as to find comfort from exciting it." + +"O little," cried Mrs Delvile, looking at her with the utmost +tenderness, "little do you see the state of my heart, for never have you +appeared to me so worthy as at this moment! In tearing you from my son, +I partake all the wretchedness I give, but your own sense of duty must +something plead for the strictness with which I act up to mine." + +She then moved towards the door. + +"Is your carriage, madam," said Cecilia, struggling to disguise her +inward anguish under an appearance of sullenness, "in waiting?" + +Mrs Delvile then came back, and holding out her hand, while her eyes +glistened with tears, said, "To part from you thus frigidly, while +my heart so warmly admires you, is almost more than I can endure. Oh +gentlest Cecilia! condemn not a mother who is impelled to this severity, +who performing what she holds to be her duty, thinks the office her +bitterest misfortune, who forsees in the rage of her husband, and the +resistance of her son, all the misery of domestic contention, and who +can only secure the honour of her family by destroying its peace!--You +will not, then, give me your hand?--" + +Cecilia, who had affected not to see that she waited for it, now +coldly put it out, distantly [courtseying], and seeking to preserve +her steadiness by avoiding to speak. Mrs Delvile took it, and as she +repeated her adieu, affectionately pressed it to her lips; Cecilia, +starting, and breathing short, from encreasing yet smothered agitation, +called out "Why, why this condescension?--pray,--I entreat you, +madam!--" + +"Heaven bless you, my love!" said Mrs Delvile, dropping a tear upon the +hand she still held, "heaven bless you, and restore the tranquillity you +so nobly deserve!" + +"Ah madam!" cried Cecilia, vainly striving to repress any longer the +tears which now forced their way down her cheeks, "why will you break +my heart with this kindness! why will you still compel me to love!--when +now I almost wish to hate you!"-- + +"No, hate me not," said Mrs Delvile, kissing from her cheeks the tears +that watered them, "hate me not, sweetest Cecilia, though in wounding +your gentle bosom, I am almost detestable to myself. Even the cruel +scene which awaits me with my son will not more deeply afflict me. But +adieu,--I must now prepare for him!" + +She then left the room: but Cecilia, whose pride had no power to resist +this tenderness, ran hastily after her, saying "Shall I not see you +again, madam?" + +"You shall yourself decide," answered she; "if my coming will not give +you more pain than pleasure, I will wait upon you whenever you please." + +Cecilia sighed and paused; she knew not what to desire, yet rather +wished any thing to be done, than quietly to sit down to uninterrupted +reflection. + +"Shall I postpone quitting this place," continued Mrs Delvile, "till +to-morrow morning, and will you admit me this afternoon, should I call +upon you again?" + +"I should be sorry," said she, still hesitating, "to detain you,"-- + +"You will rejoice me," cried Mrs Delvile, "by bearing me in your sight." + +And she then went into her carriage. + +Cecilia, unfitted to attend her old friend, and unequal to the task of +explaining to her the cruel scene in which she had just been engaged, +then hastened to her own apartment. Her hitherto stifled emotions broke +forth in tears and repinings: her fate was finally determined, and its +determination was not more unhappy than humiliating; she was openly +rejected by the family whose alliance she was known to wish; she +was compelled to refuse the man of her choice, though satisfied his +affections were her own. A misery so peculiar she found hard to support, +and almost bursting with conflicting passions, her heart alternately +swelled from offended pride, and sunk from disappointed tenderness. + + + +CHAPTER iv. + +A PERTURBATION. + +Cecelia was still in this tempestuous state, when a message was brought +her that a gentleman was below stairs, who begged to have the honour of +seeing her. She concluded he was Delvile, and the thought of meeting him +merely to communicate what must so bitterly afflict him, redoubled her +distress, and she went down in an agony of perturbation and sorrow. + +He met her at the door, where, before he could speak, "Mr Delvile," +she cried, in a hurrying manner, "why will you come? Why will you thus +insist upon seeing me, in defiance of every obstacle, and in contempt of +my prohibition?" + +"Good heavens," cried he, amazed, "whence this reproach? Did you not +permit me to wait upon you with the result of my enquiries? Had I +not your consent--but why do you look thus disturbed?--Your eyes are +red,--you have been weeping.--Oh my Cecilia! have I any share in your +sorrow?--Those tears, which never flow weakly, tell me, have they--has +_one_ of them been shed upon my account?" + +"And what," cried she, "has been the result of your enquiries?--Speak +quick, for I wish to know,--and in another instant I must be gone." + +"How strange," cried the astonished Delvile, "is this language! how +strange are these looks! What new has come to pass? Has any fresh +calamity happened? Is there yet some evil which I do not expect?" + +"Why will you not answer first?" cried she; "when _I_ have spoken, you +will perhaps be less willing." + +"You terrify, you shock, you amaze me! What dreadful blow awaits me? For +what horror are you preparing me?--That which I have just experienced, +and which tore you from me even at the foot of the altar, still remains +inexplicable, still continues to be involved in darkness and mystery; +for the wretch who separated us I have never been able to discover." + +"Have you procured, then, no intelligence?" + +"No, none; though since we parted I have never rested a moment." + +"Make, then, no further enquiry, for now all explanation would be +useless. That we _were_ parted, we know, though _why_ we cannot tell: +but that again we shall ever meet---" + +She, stopt; her streaming eyes cast upwards, and a deep sigh bursting +from her heart. + +"Oh what," cried Delvile, endeavouring to take her hand, which she +hastily withdrew from him, "what does this mean? loveliest, dearest +Cecilia, my betrothed, my affianced wife! why flow those tears which +agony only can wring from you? Why refuse me that hand which so lately +was the pledge of your faith? Am I not the same Delvile to whom so few +days since you gave it? Why will you not open to him your heart? Why +thus distrust his honour, and repulse his tenderness? Oh why, giving him +such exquisite misery, refuse him the smallest consolation?" + +"What consolation," cried the weeping Cecilia, "can I give? Alas! it is +not, perhaps, _you_ who most want it!--" + +Here the door was opened by one of the Miss Charltons, who came into +the room with a message from her grandmother, requesting to see Cecilia. +Cecilia, ashamed of being thus surprised with Delvile, and in tears, +waited not either to make any excuse to him, or any answer to Miss +Charlton, but instantly hurried out of the room;--not, however, to +her old friend, whom now less than ever she could meet, but to her own +apartment, where a very short indulgence of grief was succeeded by the +severest examination of her own conduct. + +A retrospection of this sort rarely brings much subject of exultation, +when made with the rigid sincerity of secret impartiality: so much +stronger is our reason than our virtue, so much higher our sense of duty +than our performance! + +All she had done she now repented, all she had said she disapproved; her +conduct, seldom equal to her notions of right, was now infinitely below +them, and the reproaches of her judgment made her forget for a while the +afflictions which had misled it. + +The sorrow to which she had openly given way in the presence of Delvile, +though their total separation but the moment before had been finally +decreed, she considered as a weak effusion of tenderness, injurious to +delicacy, and censurable by propriety. "His power over my heart," cried +she, "it were now, indeed, too late to conceal, but his power over my +understanding it is time to cancel. I am not to be his,--my own voice +has ratified the renunciation, and since I made it to his mother, it +must never, without her consent, be invalidated. Honour, therefore, to +her, and regard for myself, equally command me to fly him, till I cease +to be thus affected by his sight." + +When Delvile, therefore, sent up an entreaty that he might be again +admitted into her presence, she returned for answer that she was not +well, and could not see any body. + +He then left the house, and, in a few minutes, she received the +following note from him. + +_To Miss Beverley_. You drive me from you, Cecilia, tortured with +suspense, and distracted with apprehension, you drive me from you, +certain of my misery, yet leaving me to bear it as I may! I would call +you unfeeling, but that I saw you were unhappy; I would reproach you +with tyranny, but that your eyes when you quitted me were swollen with +weeping! I go, therefore, I obey the harsh mandate, since my absence is +your desire, and I will shut myself up at Biddulph's till I receive +your commands. Yet disdain not to reflect that every instant will seem +endless, while Cecilia must appear to me unjust, or wound my very soul +by the recollection of her in sorrow. MORTIMER DELVILE. + +The mixture of fondness and resentment with which this letter was +dictated, marked so strongly the sufferings and disordered state of the +writer, that all the softness of Cecilia returned when she perused it, +and left her not a wish but to lessen his inquietude, by assurances +of unalterable regard: yet she determined not to trust herself in his +sight, certain they could only meet to grieve over each other, and +conscious that a participation of sorrow would but prove a reciprocation +of tenderness. Calling, therefore, upon her duty to resist her +inclination, she resolved to commit the whole affair to the will of Mrs +Delvile, to whom, though under no promise, she now considered herself +responsible. Desirous, however, to shorten the period of Delvile's +uncertainty, she would not wait till the time she had appointed to see +his mother, but wrote the following note to hasten their meeting. + +_To the Hon. Mrs Delvile_. MADAM,--Your son is now at Bury; shall I +acquaint him of your arrival? or will you announce it yourself? Inform +me of your desire, and I will endeavour to fulfil it. As my own Agent +I regard myself no longer; if, as yours, I can give pleasure, or be of +service, I shall gladly receive your commands. I have the honour to be, +Madam, your most obedient servant, CECILIA BEVERLEY. + +When she had sent off this letter, her heart was more at ease, because +reconciled with her conscience: she had sacrificed the son, she had +resigned herself to the mother; it now only remained to heal her wounded +pride, by suffering the sacrifice with dignity, and to recover her +tranquility in virtue, by making the resignation without repining. + +Her reflections, too, growing clearer as the mist of passion was +dispersed, she recollected with confusion her cold and sullen behaviour +to Mrs Delvile. That lady had but done what she had believed was her +duty, and that duty was no more than she had been taught to expect from +her. In the beginning of her visit, and while doubtful of its success, +she had indeed, been austere, but the moment victory appeared in view, +she became tender, affectionate and gentle. Her justice, therefore, +condemned the resentment to which she had given way, and she fortified +her mind for the interview which was to follow, by an earnest desire to +make all reparation both to Mrs Delvile and herself for that which was +past. + +In this resolution she was not a little strengthened, by seriously +considering with herself the great abatement to all her possible +happiness, which must have been made by the humiliating circumstance +of forcing herself into a family which held all connection with her as +disgraceful. She desired not to be the wife even of Delvile upon such +terms, for the more she esteemed and admired him, the more anxious she +became for his honour, and the less could she endure being regarded +herself as the occasion of its diminution. + +Now, therefore, her plan of conduct settled, with calmer spirits, though +a heavy heart, she attended upon Mrs Charlton; but fearing to lose the +steadiness she had just acquired before it should be called upon, if she +trusted herself to relate the decision which had been made, she besought +her for the present to dispense with the account, and then forced +herself into conversation upon less interesting subjects. + +This prudence had its proper effect, and with tolerable tranquility she +heard Mrs Delvile again announced, and waited upon her in the parlour +with an air of composure. + +Not so did Mrs Delvile receive her; she was all eagerness and emotion; +she flew to her the moment she appeared, and throwing her arms around +her, warmly exclaimed "Oh charming girl! Saver of our family! preserver +of our honour! How poor are words to express my admiration! how +inadequate are thanks in return for such obligations as I owe you!" + +"You owe me none, madam," said Cecilia, suppressing a sigh; "on my side +will be all the obligation, if you can pardon the petulance of my +behaviour this morning." + +"Call not by so harsh a name," answered Mrs Delvile, "the keenness of a +sensibility by which you have yourself alone been the sufferer. You +have had a trial the most severe, and however able to sustain, it was +impossible you should not feel it. That you should give up any man whose +friends solicit not your alliance, your mind is too delicate to make +wonderful; but your generosity in submitting, unasked, the arrangement +of that resignation to those for whose interest it is made, and your +high sense of honour in holding yourself accountable to me, though under +no tie, and bound by no promise, mark a greatness of mind which calls +for reverence rather than thanks, and which I never can praise half so +much as I admire." + +Cecilia, who received this applause but as a confirmation of her +rejection, thanked her only by courtsying; and Mrs Delvile, having +seated herself next her, continued her speech. + +"My son, you have the goodness to tell me, is here,--have you seen him?" + +"Yes, madam," answered she, blushing, "but hardly for a moment." + +"And he knows not of my arrival?" No,--I believe he certainly does not." + +"Sad then, is the trial which awaits him, and heavy for me the office I +must perform! Do you expect to see him again?" + +"No,--yes,--perhaps--indeed I hardly--" She stammered, and Mrs Delvile, +taking her hand, said "Tell me, Miss Beverley, _why_ should you see him +again?" + +Cecilia was thunderstruck by this question, and, colouring yet more +deeply, looked down, but could not answer. + +"Consider," continued Mrs Delvile, "the _purpose_ of any further +meeting; your union is impossible, you have nobly consented to +relinquish all thoughts of it why then tear your own heart, and torture +his, by an intercourse which seems nothing but an ill-judged invitation +to fruitless and unavailing sorrow?" + +Cecilia was still silent; the truth of the expostulation her reason +acknowledged, but to assent to its consequence her whole heart refused. + +"The ungenerous triumph of little female vanity," said Mrs Delvile, "is +far, I am sure, from your mind, of which the enlargement and liberality +will rather find consolation from lessening than from embittering +his sufferings. Speak to me, then, and tell me honestly, judiciously, +candidly tell me, will it not be wiser and more right, to avoid rather +than seek an object which can only give birth to regret? an interview +which can excite no sensations but of misery and sadness?" Cecilia then +turned pale, she endeavoured to speak, but could not; she wished to +comply,--yet to think she had seen him for the last time, to remember +how abruptly she had parted from him, and to fear she had treated him +unkindly;--these were obstacles which opposed her concurrence, though +both judgment and propriety demanded it. + +"Can you, then," said Mrs Delvile, after a pause, "can you wish to see +Mortimer merely to behold his grief? Can you desire he should see you, +only to sharpen his affliction at your loss?" + +"O no!" cried Cecilia, to whom this reproof restored speech and +resolution, "I am not so despicable, I am not, I hope, so unworthy!--I +will--be ruled by you wholly; I will commit to you every thing;--yet +_once_, perhaps,--no more!"-- + +"Ah, my dear Miss Beverley! to meet confessedly for _once_,--what were +that but planting a dagger in the heart of Mortimer? What were it but +infusing poison into your own? + +"If you think so, madam," said she, "I had better--I will certainly--" +she sighed, stammered, and stopt. + +"Hear me," cried Mrs Delvile, "and rather let me try to convince than +persuade you. Were there any possibility, by argument, by reflection, or +even by accident, to remove the obstacles to our connection, then would +it be well to meet, for then might discussion turn to account, and an +interchange of sentiments be productive of some happy expedients: but +here--" + +She hesitated, and Cecilia, shocked and ashamed, turned away her face, +and cried "I know, madam, what you would say,--here all is over! and +therefore--" + +"Yet suffer me," interrupted she, "to be explicit, since we speak upon, +this matter now for the last time. Here, then, I say, where not ONE +doubt remains, where ALL is finally, though not happily decided, what +can an interview produce? Mischief of every sort, pain, horror, and +repining! To Mortimer you may think it would be kind, and grant it to +his prayers, as an alleviation of his misery; mistaken notion! nothing +could so greatly augment it. All his passions would be raised, all his +prudence would be extinguished, his soul would be torn with resentment +and regret, and force, only, would part him from you, when previously he +knew that parting was to be eternal. To yourself--" + +"Talk not, madam, of me," cried the unhappy Cecilia, "what you say of +your son is sufficient, and I will yield---" + +"Yet hear me," proceeded she, "and believe me not so unjust as to +consider him alone; you, also, would be an equal, though a less stormy +sufferer. You fancy, at this moment, that once more to meet him would +soothe your uneasiness, and that to take of him a farewell, would soften +the pain of the separation: how false such reasoning! how dangerous such +consolation! acquainted ere you meet that you were to meet him no more, +your heart would be all softness and grief, and at the very moment when +tenderness should be banished from your intercourse, it would bear down +all opposition of judgment, spirit, and dignity: you would hang upon +every word, because every word would seem the last, every look, every +expression would be rivetted in your memory, and his image in this +parting distress would-be painted upon your mind, in colours that would +eat into its peace, and perhaps never be erased." + +"Enough, enough," said Cecilia, "I will not see him,--I will not even +desire it!" + +"Is this compliance or conviction? Is what I have said true, or only +terrifying?" + +"Both, both! I believe, indeed, the conflict would have overpowered +me,--I see you are right,--and I thank you, madam, for saving me from a +scene I might so cruelly have rued." + +"Oh Daughter of my mind!" cried Mrs Delvile, rising and embracing her, +"noble, generous, yet gentle Cecilia! what tie, what connection, could +make you more dear to me? Who is there like you? Who half so excellent? +So open to reason, so ingenuous in error! so rational! so just! so +feeling, yet so wise!" + +"You are very good," said Cecilia, with a forced serenity, "and I am +thankful that your resentment for the past obstructs not your lenity for +the present." + +"Alas, my love, how shall I resent the past, when I ought myself to have +foreseen this calamity! and I _should_ have foreseen it, had I not been +informed you were engaged, and upon your engagement built our security. +Else had I been more alarmed, for my own admiration would have bid me +look forward to my son's. You were just, indeed, the woman he had least +chance to resist, you were precisely the character to seize his very +soul. To a softness the most fatally alluring, you join a dignity which +rescues from their own contempt even the most humble of your admirers. +You seem born to have all the world wish your exaltation, and no part +of it murmur at your superiority. Were any obstacle but this insuperable +one in the way, should nobles, nay, should princes offer their daughters +to my election, I would reject without murmuring the most magnificent +proposals, and take in triumph to my heart my son's nobler choice!" + +"Oh madam," cried Cecilia, "talk not to me thus!--speak not such +flattering words!--ah, rather scorn and upbraid me, tell me you +despise my character, my family and my connections,--load, load me with +contempt, but do not thus torture me with approbation!" + +"Pardon me, sweetest girl, if I have awakened those emotions you so +wisely seek to subdue. May my son but emulate your example, and my pride +in his virtue shall be the solace of my affliction for his misfortunes." + +She then tenderly embraced her, and abruptly took her leave. + +Cecilia had now acted her part, and acted it to her own satisfaction; +but the curtain dropt when Mrs Delvile left the house, nature resumed +her rights, and the sorrow of her heart was no longer disguised or +repressed. Some faint ray of hope had till now broke through the +gloomiest cloud of her misery, and secretly flattered her that its +dispersion was possible, though distant: but that ray was extinct, that +hope was no more; she had solemnly promised to banish Delvile her sight, +and his mother had absolutely declared that even the subject had been +discussed for the last time. + +Mrs Charlton, impatient of some explanation of the morning's +transactions, soon sent again to beg Cecilia would come to her. Cecilia +reluctantly obeyed, for she feared encreasing her indisposition by the +intelligence she had to communicate; she struggled, therefore, to appear +to her with tolerable calmness, and in briefly relating what had passed, +forbore to mingle with the narrative her own feelings and unhappiness. + +Mrs Charlton heard the account with the utmost concern; she accused +Mrs Delvile of severity, and even of cruelty; she lamented the strange +accident by which the marriage ceremony had been stopt, and regretted +that it had not again been begun, as the only means to have rendered +ineffectual the present fatal interposition. But the grief of Cecilia, +however violent, induced her not to join in this regret; she mourned +only the obstacle which had occasioned the separation, and not the +incident which had merely interrupted the ceremony: convinced, by the +conversations in which she had just been engaged, of Mrs Delvile's +inflexibility, she rather rejoiced than repined that she had put it to +no nearer trial: sorrow was all she felt; for her mind was too liberal +to harbour resentment against a conduct which she saw was dictated by a +sense of right; and too ductile and too affectionate to remain unmoved +by the personal kindness which had softened the rejection, and the many +marks of esteem and regard which had shewn her it was lamented, though +considered as indispensable. + +How and by whom this affair had been betrayed to Mrs Delvile she knew +not; but the discovery was nothing less than surprising, since, by +various unfortunate accidents, it was known to so many, and since, in +the horror and confusion of the mysterious prohibition to the marriage, +neither Delvile nor herself had thought of even attempting to give +any caution to the witnesses of that scene, not to make it known: an +attempt, however, which must almost necessarily have been unavailing, as +the incident was too extraordinary and too singular to have any chance +of suppression. + +During this conversation, one of the servants came to inform Cecilia, +that a man was below to enquire if there was no answer to the note he +had brought in the forenoon. + +Cecilia, greatly distressed, knew not upon what to resolve; that the +patience of Delvile should be exhausted, she did not, indeed, wonder, +and to relieve his anxiety was now almost her only wish; she would +therefore instantly have written to him, confessed her sympathy in his +sufferings, and besought him to endure with fortitude an evil which +was no longer to be withstood: but she was uncertain whether he was yet +acquainted with the journey of his mother to Bury, and having agreed to +commit to her the whole management of the affair, she feared it would +be dishonourable to take any step in it without her concurrence. She +returned, therefore, a message that she had yet no answer ready. + +In a very few minutes Delvile called himself, and sent up an earnest +request for permission to see her. + +Here, at least, she had no perplexity; an interview she had given her +positive word to refuse, and therefore, without a moment's hesitation, +she bid the servant inform him she was particularly engaged, and sorry +it was not in her power to see any company. + +In the greatest perturbation he left the house, and immediately wrote to +her the following lines. + +_To Miss Beverley_. I entreat you to see me! if only for an instant, I +entreat, I implore you to see me! Mrs Charlton may be present, all the +world, if you wish it, may be present,--but deny me not admission, I +supplicate, I conjure you! + +I will call in an hour; in that time you may have finished your present +engagement. I will otherwise wait longer, and call again. You will not, +I think, turn me from' your door, and, till I have seen you, I can only +live in its vicinity. M. D. + +The man who brought this note, waited not for any answer. + +Cecilia read it in an agony of mind inexpressible: she saw, by its +style, how much Delvile was irritated, and her knowledge of his temper +made her certain his irritation proceeded from believing himself +ill-used. She ardently wished to appease and to quiet him, and regretted +the necessity of appearing obdurate and unfeeling, even more, at that +moment, than the separation itself. To a mind priding in its purity, +and animated in its affections, few sensations can excite keener misery, +than those by which an apprehension is raised of being thought worthless +or ungrateful by the objects of our chosen regard. To be deprived of +their society is less bitter, to be robbed of our own tranquillity by +any other means, is less afflicting. + +Yet to this it was necessary to submit, or incur the only penalty which, +to such a mind, would be more severe, self-reproach: she had promised to +be governed by Mrs Delvile, she had nothing, therefore, to do but obey +her. + +Yet _to turn_, as he expressed himself, _from the door_, a man who, +but for an incident the most incomprehensible, would now have been sole +master of herself and her actions, seemed so unkind and so tyrannical, +that she could not endure to be within hearing of his repulse: she +begged, therefore, the use of Mrs Charlton's carriage, and determined +to make a visit to Mrs Harrel till Delvile and his mother had wholly +quitted Bury. She was not, indeed, quite satisfied in going to the house +of Mr Arnott, but she had no time to weigh objections, and knew not any +other place to which still greater might not be started. + +She wrote a short letter to Mrs Delvile, acquainting her with her +purpose, and its reason, and repeating her assurances that she would +be guided by her implicitly; and then, embracing Mrs Charlton, whom +she left to the care of her grand-daughters, she got into a chaise, +accompanied only by her maid, and one man and horse, and ordered the +postilion to drive to Mr Arnott's. + + + +CHAPTER v. + +A COTTAGE. + +The evening was already far advanced, and before she arrived at the end +of her little journey it was quite dark. When they came within a mile +of Mr Arnott's house, the postilion, in turning too suddenly from the +turnpike to the cross-road, overset the carriage. The accident, however, +occasioned no other mischief than delaying their proceeding, and +Cecilia and her maid were helped out of the chaise unhurt. The servants, +assisted by a man who was walking upon the road, began lifting it up; +and Cecilia, too busy within to be attentive to what passed without, +disregarded what went forward, till she heard her footman call for help. +She then hastily advanced to enquire what was the matter, and found +that the passenger who had lent his aid, had, by working in the dark, +unfortunately slipped his foot under one of the wheels, and so much hurt +it, that without great pain he could not put it to the ground. + +Cecilia immediately desired that the sufferer might be carried to his +own home in the chaise, while she and the maid walked on to Mr Arnott's, +attended by her servant on horseback. + +This little incident proved of singular service to her upon first +entering the house; Mrs Harrel was at supper with her brother, and +hearing the voice of Cecilia in the hall, hastened with the extremest +surprise to enquire what had occasioned so late a visit; followed by Mr +Arnott, whose amazement was accompanied with a thousand other sensations +too powerful for speech. Cecilia, unprepared with any excuse, instantly +related the adventure she had met with on the road, which quieted their +curiosity, by turning their attention to her personal safety. They +ordered a room to be prepared for her, entreated her to go to rest with +all speed, and postpone any further account till the next day. With this +request she most gladly complied, happy to be spared the embarrassment +of enquiry, and rejoiced to be relieved from the fatigue of +conversation. Her night was restless and miserable: to know how Delvile +would bear her flight was never a moment from her thoughts, and to hear +whether he would obey or oppose his mother was her incessant wish. She +was fixt, however, to be faithful in refusing to see him, and at least +to suffer nothing new from her own enterprize or fault. + +Early in the morning Mrs Harrel came to see her. She was eager to learn +why, after invitations repeatedly refused, she was thus suddenly arrived +without any; and she was still more eager to talk of herself, and relate +the weary life she led thus shut up in the country, and confined to the +society of her brother. + +Cecilia evaded giving any immediate answer to her questions, and Mrs +Harrel, happy in an opportunity to rehearse her own complaints, soon +forgot that she had asked any, and, in a very short time, was perfectly, +though imperceptibly, contented to be herself the only subject upon +which they conversed. + +But not such was the selfishness of Mr Arnott; and Cecilia, when she +went down to breakfast, perceived with the utmost concern that he +had passed a night as sleepless as her own. A visit so sudden, so +unexpected, and so unaccountable, from an object that no discouragement +could make him think of with indifference, had been a subject to him of +conjecture and wonder that had revived all the hopes and the fears which +had lately, though still unextinguished, lain dormant. The enquiries, +however, which his sister had given up, he ventured not to renew, and +thought himself but too happy in her presence, whatever might be the +cause of her visit. + +He perceived, however, immediately, the sadness that hung upon her mind, +and his own was redoubled by the sight: Mrs Harrel, also, saw that she +looked ill, but attributed it to the fatigue and fright of the preceding +evening, well knowing that a similar accident would have made her ill +herself, or fancy that she was so. + +During breakfast, Cecilia sent for the postilion, to enquire of him how +the man had fared, whose good-natured assistance in their distress had +been so unfortunate to himself. He answered that he had turned out to +be a day labourer, who lived about half a mile off. And then, partly to +gratify her own humanity, and partly to find any other employment for +herself and friends than uninteresting conversation, she proposed that +they should all walk to the poor man's habitation, and offer him some +amends for the injury he had received. This was readily assented to, +and the postilion directed them whither to go. The place was a cottage, +situated upon a common; they entered it without ceremony, and found a +clean looking woman at work. + +Cecilia enquired for her husband, and was told that he was gone out to +day-labour. + +"I am very glad to hear it," returned she; "I hope then he has got the +better of the accident he met with last night?" + +"It was not him, madam," said the woman, "met with the accident, it was +John;--there he is, working in the garden." + +To the garden then they all went, and saw him upon the ground, weeding. + +The moment they approached he arose, and, without speaking, began to +limp, for he could hardly walk; away. + +"I am sorry, master," said Cecilia, "that you are so much hurt. Have you +had anything put to your foot?" + +The man made no answer, but still turned away from her; a glance, +however, of his eye, which the next instant he fixed upon the ground, +startled her; she moved round to look at him again,--and perceived Mr +Belfield! + +"Good God!" she exclaimed; but seeing him still retreat, she recollected +in a moment how little he would be obliged to her for betraying him, and +suffering him to go on, turned back to her party, and led the way again +into the house. + +As soon as the first emotion of her surprise was over, she enquired how +long John had belonged to this cottage, and what was his way of life. + +The woman answered he had only been with them a week, and that he went +out to day-labour with her husband. + +Cecilia then, finding their stay kept him from his employment, and +willing to save him the distress of being seen by Mr Arnott or Mrs +Harrel, proposed their returning home. She grieved most sincerely at +beholding in so melancholy an occupation a young man of such talents and +abilities; she wished much to assist him, and began considering by what +means it might be done, when, as they were walking from the cottage, a +voice at some distance called out "Madam! Miss Beverley!" and, looking +round, to her utter amazement she saw Belfield endeavouring to follow +her. + +She instantly stopt, and he advanced, his hat in his hand, and his whole +air indicating he sought not to be disguised. + +Surprised at this sudden change of behaviour, she then stept forward +to meet him, accompanied by her friends: but when they came up to each +other, she checked her desire of speaking, to leave him fully at liberty +to make himself known, or keep concealed. + +He bowed with a look of assumed gaiety and ease, but the deep scarlet +that tinged his whole face manifested his internal confusion; and in +a voice that attempted to sound lively, though its tremulous accents +betrayed uneasiness and distress, he exclaimed, with a forced smile, +"Is it possible Miss Beverley can deign to notice a poor miserable +day-labourer such as I am? how will she be justified in the beau monde, +when even the sight of such a wretch ought to fill her with horror? +Henceforth let hysterics be blown to the winds, and let nerves be +discarded from the female vocabulary, since a lady so young and fair can +stand this shock without hartshorn or fainting!" + +"I am happy," answered Cecilia, "to find your spirits so good; yet +my own, I must confess, are not raised by seeing you in this strange +situation." + +"My spirits!" cried he, with an air of defiance, "never were they +better, never so good as at this moment. Strange as seems my situation, +it is all that I wish; I have found out, at last, the true secret of +happiness! that secret which so long I pursued in vain, but which always +eluded my grasp, till the instant of despair arrived, when, slackening +my pace, I gave it up as a phantom. Go from me, I cried, I will be +cheated no more! thou airy bubble! thou fleeting shadow! I will live no +longer in thy sight, since thy beams dazzle without warming me! Mankind +seems only composed as matter for thy experiments, and I will quit the +whole race, that thy delusions may be presented to me no more!" + +This romantic flight, which startled even Cecilia, though acquainted +with his character, gave to Mrs Harrel and Mr Arnott the utmost +surprize; his appearance, and the account they had just heard of him, +having by no means prepared them for such sentiments or such language. + +"Is then this great secret of happiness," said Cecilia, "nothing, at +last, but total seclusion from the world?" + +"No, madam," answered he, "it is Labour with Independence." + +Cecilia now wished much to ask some explanation of his affairs, but was +doubtful whether he would gratify her before Mrs Harrel and Mr Arnott, +and hurt to keep him standing, though he leant upon a stick; she told +him, therefore, she would at present detain him no longer, but endeavour +again to see him before she quitted her friends. + +Mr Arnott then interfered, and desired his sister would entreat Miss +Beverley to invite whom she pleased to his house. + +Cecilia thanked him, and instantly asked Belfield to call upon her in +the afternoon. + +"No, madam, no," cried he, "I have done with visits and society! I will +not so soon break through a system with much difficulty formed, when all +my future tranquility depends upon adhering to it. The worthlessness of +mankind has disgusted me with the world, and my resolution in quitting +it shall be immoveable as its baseness." + +"I must not venture then," said Cecilia, "to enquire--" + +"Enquire, madam," interrupted he, with quickness, "what you please: +there is nothing I will not answer to you,--to this lady, to this +gentleman, to any and to every body. What can I wish to conceal, where +I have nothing to gain or to lose? When first, indeed, I saw you, I +involuntarily shrunk; a weak shame for a moment seized me, I felt +fallen and debased, and I wished to avoid you: but a little recollection +brought me back to my senses, And where, cried I, is the disgrace of +exercising for my subsistence the strength with which I am endued? +and why should I blush to lead the life which uncorrupted Nature first +prescribed to man?" + +"Well, then," said Cecilia, more and more interested to hear him, "if +you will not visit us, will you at least permit us to return with you to +some place where you can be seated?" + +"I will with pleasure," cried he, "go to any place where you may be +seated yourselves; but for me, I have ceased to regard accommodation or +inconvenience." + +They then all went back to the cottage, which was now empty, the woman +being out at work. + +"Will you then, Sir," said Cecilia, "give me leave to enquire whether +Lord Vannelt is acquainted with your retirement, and if it will not much +surprize and disappoint him?" + +"Lord Vannelt," cried he, haughtily, "has no right to be surprised. I +would have quitted _his_ house, if no other, not even this cottage, had +a roof to afford me shelter!" + +"I am sorry, indeed, to hear it," said Cecilia; "I had hoped he would +have known your value, and merited your regard." + +"Ill-usage," answered he, "is as hard to relate as to be endured. There +is commonly something pitiful in a complaint; and though oppression in +a general sense provokes the wrath of mankind, the investigation of its +minuter circumstances excites nothing but derision. Those who give the +offence, by the worthy few may be hated; but those who receive it, by +the world at large will be despised. Conscious of this, I disdained +making any appeal; myself the only sufferer, I had a right to be +the only judge, and, shaking off the base trammels of interest and +subjection, I quitted the house in silent indignation, not chusing to +remonstrate, where I desired not to be reconciled." + +"And was there no mode of life," said Cecilia, "to adopt, but living +with Lord Vannelt, or giving up the whole world?" + +"I weighed every thing maturely," answered he, "before I made my +determination, and I found it so much, the most eligible, that I am +certain I can never repent it. I had friends who would with pleasure +have presented me to some other nobleman; but my whole heart revolted +against leading that kind of life, and I would not, therefore, idly rove +from one great man to another, adding ill-will to disgrace, and pursuing +hope in defiance of common sense; no; when I quitted Lord Vannelt, I +resolved to give up patronage for ever. + +"I retired to private lodgings to deliberate what next could be done. I +had lived in many ways, I had been unfortunate or imprudent in all. +The law I had tried, but its rudiments were tedious and disgusting; the +army, too, but there found my mind more fatigued with indolence, than my +body with action; general dissipation had then its turn, but the expence +to which it led was ruinous, and self-reproach baffled pleasure while +I pursued it; I have even--yes, there are few things I have left +untried,--I have even,--for why now disguise it?--" + +He stopt and coloured, but in a quicker voice presently proceeded. + +"Trade, also, has had its share in my experiments; for that, in truth, +I was originally destined,--but my education had ill suited me to such a +destination, and the trader's first maxim I reversed, in lavishing when +I ought to have accumulated. + +"What, then, remained for me? to run over again the same irksome round I +had not patience, and to attempt any thing new I was unqualified: money +I had none; my friends I could bear to burthen no longer; a fortnight I +lingered in wretched irresolution,--a simple accident at the end of it +happily settled me; I was walking, one morning, in Hyde Park, forming a +thousand plans for my future life, but quarrelling with them all; when +a gentleman met me on horseback, from whom, at my Lord Vannelt's, I had +received particular civilities; I looked another way not to be seen +by him, and the change in my dress since I left his Lordship's made me +easily pass unnoticed. He had rode on, however, but a few yards, +before, by some accident or mismanagement, he had a fall from his horse. +Forgetting all my caution, I flew instantly to his assistance; he was +bruised, but not otherwise hurt; I helpt him up, and he leant 'pon my +arm; in my haste of enquiring how he had fared, I called him by his +name. He knew me, but looked surprised at my appearance; he was speaking +to me, however, with kindness, when seeing some gentlemen of his +acquaintance gallopping up to him, he hastily disengaged himself from +me, and instantly beginning to recount to them what had happened, he +sedulously looked another way, and joining his new companions, walked +off without taking further notice of me. For a moment I was almost +tempted to trouble him to come back; but a little recollection told me +how ill he deserved my resentment, and bid me transfer it for the future +from the pitiful individual to the worthless community. + +"Here finished my deliberation; the disgust to the world which I had +already conceived, this little incident confirmed; I saw it was only +made for the great and the rich;--poor, therefore, and low, what had +I to do in it? I determined to quit it for ever, and to end every +disappointment, by crushing every hope. + +"I wrote to Lord Vannelt to send my trunks to my mother; I wrote to my +mother that I was well, and would soon let her hear more: I then paid +off my lodgings, and 'shaking the dust from my feet,' bid a long adieu +to London; and, committing my route to chance, strole on into the +country, without knowing or caring which way. + +"My first thought was simply to seek retirement, and to depend for my +future repose upon nothing but a total seclusion from society: but my +slow method of travelling gave me time for reflection, and reflection +soon showed me the error of this notion. + +"Guilt, cried I, may, indeed, be avoided by solitude; but will misery? +will regret? will deep dejection of mind? no, they will follow more +assiduously than ever; for what is there to oppose them, where neither +business occupies the time, nor hope the imagination? where the past +has left nothing but resentment, and the future opens only to a dismal, +uninteresting void? No stranger to life, I knew human nature could not +exist on such terms; still less a stranger to books, I respected the +voice of wisdom and experience in the first of moralists, and most +enlightened of men, [Footnote: Dr Johnson.] and reading the letter of +Cowley, I saw the vanity and absurdity of _panting after solitude_. +[Footnote: Life of Cowley, p.34.] + +"I sought not, therefore, a cell; but, since I purposed to live for +myself, I determined for myself also to think. Servility of imitation +has ever been as much my scorn as servility of dependence; I resolved, +therefore, to strike out something new, and no more to retire as every +other man had retired, than to linger in the world as every other man +had lingered. + +"The result of all you now see. I found out this cottage, and took up +my abode in it. I am here out of the way of all society, yet avoid the +great evil of retreat, _having nothing to do_. I am constantly, not +capriciously employed, and the exercise which benefits my health, +imperceptibly raises my spirits in despight of adversity. I am removed +from all temptation, I have scarce even the power to do wrong; I have no +object for ambition, for repining I have no time:--I have, found out, I +repeat, the true secret of happiness, Labour with Independence." + +He stopt; and Cecilia, who had listened to this narrative with a mixture +of compassion, admiration and censure, was too much struck with its +singularity to be readily able to answer it. Her curiosity to hear him +had sprung wholly from her desire to assist him, and she had expected +from his story to gather some hint upon which her services might be +offered. But none had occurred; he professed himself fully satisfied +with his situation; and though reason and probability contradicted the +profession, she could not venture to dispute it with any delicacy or +prudence. + +She thanked him, therefore, for his relation, with many apologies for +the trouble she had given him, and added, "I must not express my +concern for misfortunes which you seem to regard as conducive to your +contentment, nor remonstrate at the step you have taken, since you have +been led to it by choice, not necessity: but yet, you must pardon me if +I cannot help hoping I shall some time see you happier, according to the +common, however vulgar ideas of the rest of the world." + +"No, never, never! I am sick of mankind, not from theory, but +experience; and the precautions I have taken against mental fatigue, +will secure me from repentance, or any desire of change; for it is not +the active, but the indolent who weary; it is not the temperate, but the +pampered who are capricious." + +"Is your sister, Sir, acquainted with this change in your fortune and +opinions?" + +"Poor girl, no! She and her unhappy mother have borne but too long with +my enterprizes and misfortunes. Even yet they would sacrifice whatever +they possess to enable me to play once more the game so often lost; but +I will not abuse their affection, nor suffer them again to be slaves to +my caprices, nor dupes to their own delusive expectations. I have sent +them word I am happy; I have not yet told them how or where. I fear much +the affliction of their disappointment, and, for a while, shall conceal +from them my situation, which they would fancy was disgraceful, and +grieve at as cruel." + +"And is it not cruel?" said Cecilia, "is labour indeed so sweet? and can +you seriously derive happiness from what all others consider as misery?" + +"Not sweet," answered he, "in itself; but sweet, most sweet and salutary +in its effects. When I work, I forget all the world; my projects for the +future, my disappointments from the past. Mental fatigue is overpowered +by personal; I toil till I require rest, and that rest which nature, +not luxury demands, leads not to idle meditation, but to sound, heavy, +necessary sleep. I awake the next morning to the same thought-exiling +business, work again till my powers are exhausted, and am relieved again +at night by the same health-recruiting insensibility." + +"And if this," cried Cecilia, "is the life of happiness, why have we so +many complaints of the sufferings of the poor, and why so eternally do +we hear of their hardships and distress?" + +"They have known no other life. They are strangers, therefore, to the +felicity of their lot. Had they mingled in the world, fed high their +fancy with hope, and looked forward with expectation of enjoyment; had +they been courted by the great, and offered with profusion adulation +for their abilities, yet, even when starving, been offered nothing +else!--had they seen an attentive circle wait all its entertainment from +their powers, yet found themselves forgotten as soon as out of sight, +and perceived themselves avoided when no longer buffoons!--Oh had +they known and felt provocations such as these, how gladly would their +resentful spirits turn from the whole unfeeling race, and how would they +respect that noble and manly labour, which at once disentangles them +from such subjugating snares, and enables them to fly the ingratitude +they abhor! Without the contrast of vice, virtue unloved may be lovely; +without the experience of misery, happiness is simply a dull privation +of evil." + +"And are you so content," cried Cecilia, "with your present situation, +as even to think it offers you reparation for your past sufferings?" + +"Content!" repeated he with energy, "O more than content, I am proud of +my present situation! I glory in chewing to the world, glory still more +in shewing to myself, that those whom I cannot but despise I will not +scruple to defy, and that where I have been treated unworthily, I will +scorn to be obliged." + +"But will you pardon me," said Cecilia, "should I ask again, why in +quitting Lord Vannelt, you concluded no one else worthy a trial?" + +"Because it was less my Lord Vannelt, madam, than my own situation, that +disgusted me: for though I liked not his behaviour, I found him a man +too generally esteemed to flatter myself better usage would await me +in merely changing my abode, while my station was the same. I believe, +indeed, he never meant to offend me; but I was offended the more that +he should think me an object to receive indignity without knowing it. To +have had this pointed out to him, would have been at once mortifying and +vain; for delicacy, like taste, can only partially be taught, and will +always be superficial and erring where it is not innate. Those wrongs, +which though too trifling to resent, are too humiliating to be borne, +speech can convey no idea of; the soul must feel, or the understanding +can never comprehend them." + +"But surely," said Cecilia, "though people of refinement are rare, they +yet exist; why, then, remove yourself from the possibility of meeting +with them?" + +"Must I run about the nation," cried he, "proclaiming my distress, and +describing my temper? telling the world that though dependent I demand +respect as well as assistance; and publishing to mankind, that though +poor I will accept no gifts if offered with contumely? Who will listen +to such an account? who will care for my misfortunes, but as they may +humble me to his service? Who will hear my mortifications, but to say +I deserve them? what has the world to do with my feelings and +peculiarities? I know it too well to think calamity will soften it; I +need no new lessons to instruct me that to conquer affliction is more +wise than to relate it." + +"Unfortunate as you have been," said Cecilia, "I cannot wonder at your +asperity; but yet, it is surely no more than justice to acknowledge, +that hard-heartedness to distress is by no means the fault of the +present times: on the contrary, it is scarce sooner made known, than +every one is ready to contribute to its relief." + +"And how contribute?" cried he, "by a paltry donation of money? Yes, the +man whose only want is a few guineas, may, indeed, obtain them; but +he who asks kindness and protection, whose oppressed spirit calls for +consolation even more than his ruined fortune for repair, how is his +struggling soul, if superior to his fate, to brook the ostentation of +patronage, and the insolence of condescension? Yes, yes, the world will +save the poor beggar who is starving; but the fallen wretch, who will +not cringe for his support, may consume in his own wretchedness without +pity and without help!" + +Cecilia now saw that the wound his sensibility had received was too +painful for argument, and too recent immediately to be healed. She +forbore, therefore, to detain him any longer, but expressing her best +wishes, without venturing to hint at her services, she arose, and they +all took their leave;--Belfield hastening, as they went, to return to +the garden, where, looking over the hedge as they passed, they saw him +employed again in weeding, with the eagerness of a man who pursues his +favourite occupation. + +Cecilia half forgot her own anxieties and sadness, in the concern which +she felt for this unfortunate and extraordinary young man. She wished +much to devise some means for drawing him from a life of such hardship +and obscurity; but what to a man thus "jealous in honour," thus +scrupulous in delicacy, could she propose, without more risk of offence, +than probability of obliging? His account had, indeed, convinced her how +much he stood in need of assistance, but it had shewn her no less how +fastidious he would be in receiving it. + +Nor was she wholly without fear that an earnest solicitude to serve him, +his youth, talents, and striking manners considered, might occasion even +in himself a misconstruction of her motives, such as she already had +given birth to in his forward and partial mother. + +The present, therefore, all circumstances weighed, seemed no season for +her liberality, which she yet resolved to exert the first moment it was +unopposed by propriety. + + + +CHAPTER vi. + +A CONTEST. + +The rest of the day was passed in discussing this adventure; but in the +evening, Cecilia's interest in it was all sunk, by the reception of the +following letter from Mrs Delvile. + +_To Miss Beverley_. + +I grieve to interrupt the tranquillity of a retirement so judiciously +chosen, and I lament the necessity of again calling to trial the virtue +of which the exertion, though so captivating, is so painful; but alas, +my excellent young friend, we came not hither to enjoy, but to suffer; +and happy only are those whose sufferings have neither by folly +been sought, nor by guilt been merited, but arising merely from the +imperfection of humanity, have been resisted with fortitude, or endured +with patience. + +I am informed of your virtuous steadiness, which corresponds with my +expectations, while it excites my respect. All further conflict I had +hoped to have saved you; and to the triumph of your goodness I had +trusted for the recovery of your peace: but Mortimer has disappointed +me, and our work is still unfinished. + +He avers that he is solemnly engaged to you, and in pleading to me his +honour, he silences both expostulation and authority. From your own +words alone will he acknowledge his dismission; and notwithstanding my +reluctance to impose upon you this task, I cannot silence or quiet him +without making the request. + +For a purpose such as this, can you, then, admit us? Can you bear with +your own lips to confirm the irrevocable decision? You will feel, I am +sure, for the unfortunate Mortimer, and it was earnestly my desire to +spare you the sight of his affliction; yet such is my confidence in your +prudence, that since I find him bent upon seeing you, I am not without +hope, that from witnessing the greatness of your mind, the interview may +rather calm than inflame him. + +This proposal you will take into consideration, and if you are able, +upon such terms, to again meet my son, we will wait upon you together, +where and when you will appoint; but if the gentleness of your nature +will make the effort too severe for you, scruple not to decline it, for +Mortimer, when he knows your pleasure, will submit to it as he ought. + +Adieu, most amiable and but too lovely Cecilia; whatever you determine, +be sure of my concurrence, for nobly have you earned, and ever must you +retain, the esteem, the affection, and the gratitude of AUGUSTA DELVILE. + +"Alas," cried Cecilia, "when shall I be at rest? when cease to be +persecuted by new conflicts! Oh why must I so often, so cruelly, though +so reluctantly, reject and reprove the man who of all men I wish to +accept and to please!" + +But yet, though repining at this hard necessity, she hesitated not a +moment in complying with Mrs Delvile's request, and immediately sent an +answer that she would meet her the next morning at Mrs Charlton's. + +She then returned to the parlour, and apologized to Mrs Harrel and +Mr Arnott for the abruptness of her visit, and the suddenness of her +departure. Mr Arnott heard her in silent dejection; and Mrs Harrel +used all the persuasion in her power to prevail with her to stay, her +presence being some relief to her solitude: but finding it ineffectual, +she earnestly pressed her to hasten her entrance into her own house, +that their absence might be shortened, and their meeting more sprightly. + +Cecilia passed the night in planning her behaviour for the next day; +she found how much was expected from her by Mrs Delvile, who had even +exhorted her to decline the interview if doubtful of her own strength. +Delvile's firmness in insisting the refusal should come directly +from herself, surprised, gratified and perplexed her in turn; she had +imagined, that from the moment of the discovery, he would implicitly +have submitted to the award of a parent at once so reverenced and so +beloved, and how he had summoned courage to contend with her she could +not conjecture: yet that courage and that contention astonished not +more than they soothed her, since, from her knowledge of his filial +tenderness, she considered them as the most indubitable proofs she had +yet received of the fervour and constancy of his regard for her. But +would he, when she had ratified the decision of his mother, forbear all +further struggle, and for ever yield up all pretensions to her? this was +the point upon which her uncertainty turned, and the ruling subject of +her thoughts and meditation. + +To be steady, however, herself, be his conduct what it might, was +invariably her intention, and was all her ambition: yet earnestly she +wished the meeting over, for she dreaded to see the sorrow of Delvile, +and she dreaded still more the susceptibility of her own heart. + +The next morning, to her great concern, Mr Arnott was waiting in the +hall when she came down stairs, and so much grieved at her departure, +that he handed her to the chaise without being able to speak to her, and +hardly heard her thanks and compliments but by recollection after she +was gone. + +She arrived at Mrs Charlton's very early, and found her old friend in +the same state she had left her. She communicated to her the purpose of +her return, and begged she would keep her granddaughters up stairs, that +the conference in the parlour might be uninterrupted and unheard. + +She then made a forced and hasty breakfast, and went down to be ready +to receive them. They came not till eleven o'clock, and the time of her +waiting was passed in agonies of expectation. + +At length they were announced, and at length they entered the room. + +Cecilia, with her utmost efforts for courage, could hardly stand to +receive them. They came in together, but Mrs Delvile, advancing before +her son, and endeavouring so to stand as to intercept his view of her, +with the hope that in a few instants her emotion would be less visible, +said, in the most soothing accents, "What honour Miss Beverley does us +by permitting this visit! I should have been sorry to have left Suffolk +without the satisfaction of again seeing you; and my son, sensible of +the high respect he owes you, was most unwilling to be gone, before he +had paid you his devoirs." + +Cecilia courtsied; but depressed by the cruel task which awaited her, +had no power to speak; and Mrs Delvile, finding she still trembled, made +her sit down, and drew a chair next to her. + +Mean while Delvile, with an emotion far more violent, because wholly +unrestrained, waited impatiently till the ceremonial of the reception +was over, and then, approaching Cecilia, in a voice of perturbation and +resentment, said, "In this presence, at least, I hope I may be heard; +though my letters have been unanswered, my visits refused, though +inexorably you have flown me--" + +"Mortimer," interrupted Mrs Delvile, "forget not that what I have told +you is irrevocable; you now meet Miss Beverley for no other purpose than +to give and to receive a mutual release of all to or engagement with +each other." + +"Pardon me, madam," cried he, "this is a condition to which I have never +assented. I come not to release, but to claim her! I am hers, and hers +wholly! I protest it in the face of the world! The time, therefore, is +now past for the sacrifice which you demand, since scarce are you more +my mother, than I consider her as my wife." + +Cecilia, amazed at this dauntless declaration, now almost lost her fear +in her surprise; while Mrs Delvile, with an air calm though displeased, +answered, "This is not a point to be at present discussed, and I had +hoped you knew better what was due to your auditors. I only consented to +this interview as a mark of your respect for Miss Beverley, to whom in +propriety it belongs to break off this unfortunate connexion." + +Cecilia, who at this call could no longer be silent, now gathered +fortitude to say, "Whatever tie or obligation may be supposed to depend +upon me, I have already relinquished; and I am now ready to declare--" + +"That you wholly give me up?" interrupted Delvile, "is that what you +would say?--Oh how have I offended you? how have I merited a displeasure +that can draw upon me such a sentence?--Answer, speak to me, Cecilia, +what is it I have done?" + +"Nothing, Sir," said Cecilia, confounded at this language in the +presence of his mother, "you have done nothing,--but yet--" + +"Yet what?--have you conceived to me an aversion? has any dreadful and +horrible antipathy succeeded to your esteem?--tell, tell me without +disguise, do you hate, do you abhor me?" + +Cecilia sighed, and turned away her head; and Mrs Delvile indignantly +exclaimed, "What madness and absurdity! I scarce know you under the +influence of such irrational violence. Why will you interrupt Miss +Beverley in the only speech you ought to hear from her? Why, at once, +oppress her, and irritate me, by words of more passion than reason? +Go on, charming girl, finish what so wisely, so judiciously you +were beginning, and then you shall be released from this turbulent +persecution." + +"No, madam, she must not go on!" cried Delvile, "if she does not utterly +abhor me, I will not suffer her to go on;--Pardon, pardon me, Cecilia, +but your too exquisite delicacy is betraying not only my happiness, but +your own. Once more, therefore, I conjure you to hear me, and then if, +deliberately and unbiassed, you renounce me, I will never more distress +you by resisting your decree." + +Cecilia, abashed and changing colour, was silent, and he proceeded. + +"All that has past between us, the vows I have offered you of faith, +constancy and affection, the consent I obtained from you to be legally +mine, the bond of settlement I have had drawn up, and the high honour +you conferred upon me in suffering me to lead you to the altar,--all +these particulars are already known to so many, that the least +reflection must convince you they will soon be concealed from none: tell +me, then, if your own fame pleads not for me, and if the scruples which +lead you to refuse, by taking another direction, will not, with much +more propriety, urge, nay enjoin you to accept me!--You hesitate at +least,--O Miss Beverley!--I see in that hesitation--" + +"Nothing, nothing!" cried she, hastily, and checking her rising +irresolution; "there is nothing for you to see, but that every way I now +turn I have rendered myself miserable!" + +"Mortimer," said Mrs Delvile, seized with terror as she penetrated into +the mental yielding of Cecilia, "you have now spoken to Miss Beverley; +and unwilling as I am to obtrude upon her our difference of sentiment, +it is necessary, since she has heard you, that I, also, should claim her +attention." + +"First let her speak!" cried Delvile, who in her apparent wavering built +new hopes, "first let her answer what she has already deigned to listen +to." + +"No, first let her hear!" cried Mrs Delvile, "for so only can she judge +what answer will reflect upon her most honour." + +Then, solemnly turning to Cecilia, she continued: "You see here, Miss +Beverley, a young man who passionately adores you, and who forgets in +his adoration friends, family, and connections, the opinions in which +he has been educated, the honour of his house, his own former views, +and all his primitive sense of duty, both public and private!--A passion +built on such a defalcation of principle renders him unworthy your +acceptance; and not more ignoble for him would be a union which would +blot his name from the injured stock whence he sprung, than indelicate +for you, who upon such terms ought to despise him." + +"Heavens, madam," exclaimed Delvile, "what a speech!" + +"O never," cried Cecilia, rising, "may I hear such another! Indeed, +madam, there is no occasion to probe me so deeply, for I would not now +enter your family, for all that the whole world could offer me!" + +"At length, then, madam," cried Delvile, turning reproachfully to his +mother, "are you satisfied? is your purpose now answered? and is the +dagger you have transfixed in my heart sunk deep enough to appease you?" + +"O could I draw it out," cried Mrs Delvile, "and leave upon it no stain +of ignominy, with what joy should my own bosom receive it, to heal the +wound I have most compulsatorily inflicted!--Were this excellent young +creature portionless, I would not hesitate in giving my consent; every +claim of interest would be overbalanced by her virtues, and I would not +grieve to see you poor, where so conscious you were happy; but here to +concede, would annihilate every hope with which hitherto I have looked +up to my son." + +"Let us now, then, madam," said Cecilia, "break up this conference. I +have spoken, I have heard, the decree is past, and therefore,"-- + +"You are indeed an angel!" cried Mrs Delvile, rising and embracing her; +"and never can I reproach my son with what has passed, when I consider +for what an object the sacrifice was planned. _You_ cannot be unhappy, +you have purchased peace by the exercise of virtue, and the close of +every day will bring to you a reward, in the sweets of a self-approving +mind.--But we will part, since you think it right; I do wrong to +occasion any delay." + +"No, we will _not_ part!" cried Delvile, with encreasing vehemence; "if +you force me, madam, from her, you will drive me to distraction! What is +there in this world that can offer me a recompense? And what can pride +even to the proudest afford as an equivalent? Her perfections you +acknowledge, her greatness of mind is like your own; she has generously +given me her heart,--Oh sacred and fascinating charge! Shall I, after +such a deposite, consent to an eternal separation? Repeal, repeal your +sentence, my Cecilia! let us live to ourselves and our consciences, and +leave the vain prejudices of the world to those who can be paid by them +for the loss of all besides!" + +"Is this conflict, then," said Mrs Delvile, "to last for-ever? Oh +end it, Mortimer, finish it, and make me happy! she is just, and will +forgive you, she is noble-minded, and will honour you. Fly, then, at +this critical moment, for in flight alone is your safety; and then will +your father see the son of his hopes, and then shall the fond blessings +of your idolizing mother soothe all your affliction, and soften all your +regret!" + +"Oh madam!" cried Delvile, "for mercy, for humanity, forbear this cruel +supplication!" + +"Nay, more than supplication, you have my commands; commands you have +never yet disputed, and misery, ten-fold misery, will follow their +disobedience. Hear me, Mortimer, for I speak prophetically; I know your +heart, I know it to be formed for rectitude and duty, or destined by +their neglect to repentance and horror." + +Delvile, struck by these words, turned suddenly from them both, and +in gloomy despondence walked to the other end of the room. Mrs Delvile +perceived the moment of her power, and determined to pursue the blow: +taking, therefore, the hand of Cecilia, while her eyes sparkled with the +animation of reviving hope, "See," she cried, pointing to her son, "see +if I am deceived! can he bear even the suggestion of future contrition! +Think you when it falls upon him, he will support it better? No; he +will sink under it. And you, pure as you are of mind, and steadfast in +principle, what would your chance be of happiness with a man who never +erring till he knew you, could never look at you without regret, be his +fondness what it might?" + +"Oh madam," cried the greatly shocked Cecilia, "let him, then, see me no +more!--take, take him all to yourself! forgive, console him! I will not +have the misery of involving him in repentance, nor of incurring the +reproaches of the mother he so much reverences!" + +"Exalted creature!" cried Mrs Delvile; "tenderness such as this would +confer honour upon a monarch." Then, calling out exultingly to her +son, "See," she added, "how great a woman can act, when stimulated by +generosity, and a just sense of duty! Follow then, at least, the example +you ought to have led, and deserve my esteem and love, or be content to +forego them." + +"And can I only deserve them," said Delvile, in a tone of the deepest +anguish, "by a compliance to which not merely my happiness, but +my reason must be sacrificed? What honour do I injure that is not +factitious? What evil threatens our union, that is not imaginary? In +the general commerce of the world it may be right to yield to its +prejudices, but in matters of serious importance, it is weakness to be +shackled by scruples so frivolous, and it is cowardly to be governed by +the customs we condemn. Religion and the laws of our country should then +alone be consulted, and where those are neither opposed nor infringed, +we should hold ourselves superior to all other considerations." + +"Mistaken notions!" said Mrs Delvile; "and how long do you flatter +yourself this independent happiness would endure? How long could you +live contented by mere self-gratification, in defiance of the censure +of mankind, the renunciation of your family, and the curses of your +father?" + +"The curses of my father!" repeated he, starting and shuddering, "O no, +he could never be so barbarous!" + +"He could," said she, steadily, "nor do I doubt but he would. If now, +however, you are affected by the prospect of his disclaiming you, think +but what you will feel when first forbid to appear before either of us! +and think of your remorse for involving Miss Beverley in such disgrace!" + +"O speak not such words!" cried he, with agonizing earnestness, "to +disgrace her,--to be banished by you,--present not, I conjure you, such +scenes to my imagination!" + +"Yet would they be unavoidable," continued she; "nor have I said to you +all; blinded as you now are by passion, your nobler feelings are only +obscured, not extirpated; think, then, how they will all rise in revenge +of your insulted dignity, when your name becomes a stranger to your +ears, and you are first saluted by one so meanly adopted!--" + +"Hold, hold, madam," interrupted he, "this is more than I can bear!" + +"Heavens!" still continued she, disregarding his entreaty, "what in the +universe can pay you for that first moment of indignity! Think of it +well ere you proceed, and anticipate your sensations, lest the shock +should wholly overcome you. How will the blood of your wronged ancestors +rise into your guilty cheeks, and how will your heart throb with secret +shame and reproach, when wished joy upon your marriage by the name of +_Mr Beverley_!" + +Delvile, stung to the soul, attempted not any answer, but walked about +the room in the utmost disorder of mind. Cecilia would have retired, +but feared irritating him to some extravagance; and Mrs Delvile, looking +after him, added "For myself, I would still see, for I should pity +your wife,--but NEVER would I behold my son when sunk into an object of +compassion!" + +"It shall not be!" cried he, in a transport of rage; "cease, cease to +distract me!--be content, madam,--you have conquered!" + +"Then you are my son!" cried she, rapturously embracing him; "now I know +again my Mortimer! now I see the fair promise of his upright youth, and +the flattering completion of my maternal expectations!" + +Cecilia, finding all thus concluded, desired nothing so much as to +congratulate them on their reconciliation; but having only said "Let +_me_, too,--" her voice failed her, she stopt short, and hoping she had +been unheard, would have glided out of the room. + +But Delvile, penetrated and tortured, yet delighted at this sensibility, +broke from his mother, and seizing her hand, exclaimed, "Oh Miss +Beverley, if _you_ are not happy---" + +"I am! I am!" cried she, with quickness; "let me pass,--and think no +more of me." + +"That voice,--those looks,--" cried he, still holding her, "they speak +not serenity!--Oh if I have injured your peace,--if that heart, which, +pure as angels, deserves to be as sacred from sorrow, through my means, +or for my sake, suffers any diminution of tranquility--" + +"None, none!" interrupted she, with precipitation. + +"I know well," cried he, "your greatness of soul; and if this dreadful +sacrifice gives lasting torture only to myself,--if of _your_ returning +happiness I could be assured,--I would struggle to bear it." + +"You _may_, be assured of it," cried she, with reviving dignity, "I have +no right to expect escaping all calamity, but while I share the common +lot, I will submit to it without repining." + +"Heaven then bless, and hovering angels watch you!" cried he, and +letting go her hand, he ran hastily out of the room. + +"Oh Virtue, how bright is thy triumph!" exclaimed Mrs Delvile, flying +up to Cecilia, and folding her in her arms; "Noble, incomparable young +creature! I knew not that so much worth was compatible with human +frailty!" + +But the heroism of Cecilia, in losing its object, lost its force; she +sighed, she could not speak, tears gushed into her eyes, and kissing Mrs +Delvile's hand with a look that shewed her inability to converse with +her, she hastened, though scarce able to support herself, away, with +intention to shut herself up in her own apartment: and Mrs Delvile, +who perceived that her utmost fortitude was exhausted, opposed not her +going, and wisely forbore to encrease her emotion, by following her even +with her blessings. + +But when she came into the hall, she started, and could proceed no +further; for there she beheld Delvile, who in too great agony to be +seen, had stopt to recover some composure before he quitted the house. + +At the first sound of an opening door, he was hastily escaping; but +perceiving Cecilia, and discerning her situation, he more hastily turned +back, saying, "Is it possible?--To _me_ were you coming?" + +She shook her head, and made a motion with her hand to say no, and would +then have gone on. + +"You are weeping!" cried he, "you are pale!--Oh Miss Beverley! is this +your happiness!" + +"I am very well,--" cried she, not knowing what she answered, "I am +quite well,--pray go,--I am very--" her words died away inarticulated. + +"O what a voice is that!" exclaimed he, "it pierces my very soul!" + +Mrs Delvile now came to the parlour door, and looked aghast at the +situation in which she saw them: Cecilia again moved on, and reached the +stairs, but tottered, and was obliged to cling to the banisters. + +"O suffer me to support you," cried he; "you are not able to +stand,--whither is it you would go?" + +"Any where,--I don't know,--" answered she, in faltering accents, "but +if you would leave me, I should be well." + +And, turning from him, she walked again towards the parlour, finding by +her shaking frame, the impossibility of getting unaided up the stairs. + +"Give me your hand, my love," said Mrs Delvile, cruelly alarmed by this +return; and the moment they re-entered the parlour, she said impatiently +to her son, "Mortimer, why are you not gone?" + +He heard her not, however; his whole attention was upon Cecilia, who, +sinking into a chair, hid her face against Mrs Delvile: but, reviving in +a few moments, and blushing at the weakness she had betrayed, she raised +her head, and, with an assumed serenity, said, "I am better,--much +better,--I was rather sick,--but it is over; and now, if you will excuse +me, I will go to my own room." + +She then arose, but her knees trembled, and her head was giddy, and +again seating herself, she forced a faint smile, and said, "Perhaps I +had better keep quiet." + +"Can I bear this!" cried Delvile, "no, it shakes all my +resolution!--loveliest and most beloved Cecilia! forgive my rash +declaration, which I hear retract and forswear, and which no false +pride, no worthless vanity shall again surprise from me!--raise, then, +your eyes--" + +"Hot-headed young man!" interrupted Mrs Delvile, with an air of haughty +displeasure, "if you cannot be rational, at least be silent. Miss +Beverley, we will both leave him." + +Shame, and her own earnestness, how restored some strength to Cecilia, +who read with terror in the looks of Mrs Delvile the passions with which +she was agitated, and instantly obeyed her by rising; but her son, who +inherited a portion of her own spirit, rushed between them both and the +door, and exclaimed, "Stay, madam, stay! I cannot let you go: I see your +intention, I see your dreadful purpose; you will work upon the feelings +of Miss Beverley, you will extort from her a promise to see me no more!" + +"Oppose not my passing!" cried Mrs Delvile, whose voice, face and manner +spoke the encreasing disturbance of her soul; "I have but too long +talked to you in vain; I must now take some better method for the +security of the honour of my family." + +This moment appeared to Delvile decisive; and casting off in desperation +all timidity and restraint, he suddenly sprang forward, and snatching +the hand of Cecilia from his mother, he exclaimed, "I cannot, I will not +give her up!--nor now, madam, nor ever!--I protest it most solemnly! I +affirm it by my best hopes! I swear it by all that I hold sacred!" + +Grief and horror next to frenzy at a disappointment thus unexpected, and +thus peremptory, rose in the face of Mrs Delvile, who, striking her hand +upon her forehead, cried, "My brain is on fire!" and rushed out of the +room. + +Cecilia had now no difficulty to disengage herself from Delvile, who, +shocked at the exclamation, and confounded by the sudden departure of +his mother, hastened eagerly to pursue her: she had only flown into the +next parlour; but, upon following her thither, what was his dread and +his alarm, when he saw her extended, upon the floor, her face, hands and +neck all covered with blood! "Great Heaven!" he exclaimed, prostrating +himself by her side, "what is it you have done!--where are you +wounded?--what direful curse have you denounced against your son?" + +Not able to speak, she angrily shook her head, and indignantly made a +motion with her hand, that commanded him from her sight. + +Cecilia, who had followed, though half dead with terror, had yet the +presence of mind to ring the bell. A servant came immediately; and +Delvile, starting up from his mother, ordered him to fetch the first +surgeon or physician he could find. + +The alarm now brought the rest of the servants into the room, and Mrs +Delvile suffered herself to be raised from the ground, and seated in a +chair; she was still silent, but shewed a disgust to any assistance +from her son, that made him deliver her into the hands of the servants, +while, in speechless agony, he only looked on and watched her. + +Neither did Cecilia, though forgetting her own sorrow, and no longer +sensible of personal weakness, venture to approach her: uncertain what +had happened, she yet considered herself as the ultimate cause of this +dreadful scene, and feared to risk the effect of the smallest additional +emotion. + +The servant returned with a surgeon in a few minutes: Cecilia, unable +to wait and hear what he would say, glided hastily out of the room; and +Delvile, in still greater agitation, followed her quick into the +next parlour; but having eagerly advanced to speak to her, he turned +precipitately about, and hurrying into the hall, walked in hasty steps +up and down it, without courage to enquire what was passing. + +At length the surgeon came out: Delvile flew to him, and stopt him, +but could ask no question. His countenance, however, rendered words +unnecessary; the surgeon understood him, and said, "The lady will do +very well; she has burst a blood vessel, but I think it will be of +no consequence. She must be kept quiet and easy, and upon no account +suffered to talk, or to use any exertion." + +Delvile now let him go, and flew himself into a corner to return thanks +to heaven that the evil, however great, was less than he had at first +apprehended. He then went into the parlour to Cecilia, eagerly calling +out, "Heaven be praised, my mother has not voluntarily cursed me!" + +"O now then," cried Cecilia, "once more make her bless you! the violence +of her agitation has already almost destroyed her, and her frame is too +weak for this struggle of contending passions;--go to her, then, and +calm the tumult of her spirits, by acquiescing wholly in her will, and +being to her again the son she thinks she has lost!" + +"Alas!" said he, in a tone of the deepest dejection; "I have been +preparing myself for that purpose, and waited but your commands to +finally determine me." + +"Let us both go to her instantly," said Cecilia; "the least delay may be +fatal." + +She now led the way, and approaching Mrs Delvile, who, faint and weak, +was seated upon an arm chair, and resting her head upon the shoulder of +a maid servant, said, "Lean, dearest madam, upon _me_, and speak not, +but hear us!" + +She then took the place of the maid, and desired her and the other +servants to go out of the room. Delvile advanced, but his mother's eye, +recovering, at his sight, its wonted fire, darted upon him a glance of +such displeasure, that, shuddering with the apprehension of inflaming +again those passions which threatened her destruction, he hastily sank +on one knee, and abruptly exclaimed, "Look at me with less abhorrence, +for I come but to resign myself to your will." + +"Mine, also," cried Cecilia, "that will shall be; you need not speak +it, we know it, and here solemnly we promise that we will separate for +ever." + +"Revive, then, my mother," said Delvile, "rely upon our plighted +honours, and think only of your health, for your son will never more +offend you." + +Mrs Delvile, much surprised, and strongly affected, held out her hand to +him, with a look of mingled compassion and obligation, and dropping +her head upon the bosom of Cecilia, who with her other arm she pressed +towards her, she burst into an agony of tears. + +"Go, go, Sir!" said Cecilia, cruelly alarmed, "you have said all that is +necessary; leave Mrs Delvile now, and she will be more composed." + +Delvile instantly obeyed, and then his mother, whose mouth still +continued to fill with blood, though it gushed not from her with the +violence it had begun, was prevailed upon by the prayers of Cecilia to +consent to be conveyed into her room; and, as her immediate removal +to another house might be dangerous, she complied also, though very +reluctantly, with her urgent entreaties, that she would take entire +possession of it till the next day. + +This point gained, Cecilia left her, to communicate what had passed to +Mrs Charlton; but was told by one of the servants that Mr Delvile begged +first to speak with her in the next room. + +She hesitated for a moment whether to grant this request; but +recollecting it was right to acquaint him with his mother's intention of +staying all night, she went to him. + +"How indulgent you are," cried he, in a melancholy voice, as she opened +the door; "I am now going post to Dr Lyster, whom I shall entreat to +come hither instantly; but I am fearful of again disturbing my mother, +and must therefore rely upon you to acquaint her what is become of me." + +"Most certainly; I have begged her to remain here to-night, and I hope +I shall prevail with her to continue with me till Dr Lyster's arrival; +after which she will, doubtless, be guided either in staying longer, or +removing elsewhere, by his advice." + +"You are all goodness," said he, with a deep sigh; "and how I shall +support--but I mean not to return hither, at least not to this +house,--unless, indeed, Dr Lyster's account should be alarming. I leave +my mother, therefore, to your kindness, and only hope, only entreat, +that your own health,--your own peace of mind--neither by attendance +upon her--by anxiety--by pity for her son--" + +He stopt, and seemed gasping for breath; Cecilia turned from him to hide +her emotion, and he proceeded with a rapidity of speech that shewed his +terror of continuing with her any longer, and his struggle with himself +to be gone: "The promise you have made in both our names to my mother, +I shall hold myself bound to observe. I see, indeed, that her reason +or her life would fall the sacrifice of further opposition: of myself, +therefore, it is no longer time to think.--I take of you no leave--I +cannot! yet I would fain tell you the high reverence--but it is better +to say nothing--" + +"Much better," cried Cecilia, with a forced and faint smile; "lose not, +therefore, an instant, but hasten to this good Dr Lyster." + +"I will," answered he, going to the door; but there, stopping and +turning round, "one thing I should yet," he added, "wish to say,--I have +been impetuous, violent, unreasonable,--with shame and with regret I +recollect how impetuous, and how unreasonable: I have persecuted, where +I ought in silence to have submitted; I have reproached, where I ought +in candour to have approved; and in the vehemence with which I have +pursued you, I have censured that very dignity of conduct which has +been the basis of my admiration, my esteem, my devotion! but never can +I forget, and never without fresh wonder remember, the sweetness with +which you have borne with me, even when most I offended you. For this +impatience, this violence, this inconsistency, I now most sincerely +beg your pardon; and if, before I go, you could so far condescend as to +pronounce my forgiveness, with a lighter heart, I think, I should quit +you." + +"Do not talk of forgiveness," said Cecilia, "you have never offended me; +I always knew--always was sure--always imputed--" she stopt, unable to +proceed. + +Deeply penetrated by her apparent distress, he with difficulty +restrained himself from falling at her feet; but after a moment's pause +and recollection, he said, "I understand the generous indulgence you +have shewn me, an indulgence I shall ever revere, and ever grieve to +have abused. I ask you not to remember me,--far, far happier do I wish +you than such a remembrance could make you; but I will pain the +humanity of your disposition no longer. You will tell my mother--but +no matter!--Heaven preserve you, my angelic Cecilia!--Miss Beverley, +I mean, Heaven guide, protect, and bless you! And should I see you no +more, should this be the last sad moment---" + +He paused, but presently recovering himself, added, "May I hear, at +least, of your tranquillity, for that alone can have any chance to quiet +or repress the anguish I feel here!" + +He then abruptly retreated, and ran out of the house. + +Cecilia for a while remained almost stupified with sorrow; she forgot +Mrs Delvile, she forgot Mrs Charlton, she forgot her own design of +apologizing to one, or assisting the other: she continued in the posture +in which he had left her, quite without motion, and almost without +sensibility. + + + +CHAPTER vii. + +A MESSAGE. + +From this lethargy of sadness Cecilia was soon, however, awakened by the +return of the surgeon, who had brought with him a physician to consult +upon Mrs Delvile's situation. Terror for the mother once more drove +the son from her thoughts, and she waited with the most apprehensive +impatience to hear the result of the consultation. The physician +declined giving any positive opinion, but, having written a +prescription, only repeated the injunction of the surgeon, that she +should be kept extremely quiet, and on no account be suffered to talk. + +Cecilia, though shocked and frightened at the occasion, was yet by no +means sorry at an order which thus precluded all conversation; unfitted +for it by her own misery, she was glad to be relieved from all necessity +of imposing upon herself the irksome task of finding subjects for +discourse to which she was wholly indifferent, while obliged with +sedulity to avoid those by which alone her mind was occupied. + +The worthy Mrs Charlton heard the events of the morning with the utmost +concern, but charged her grand-daughters to assist her young friend in +doing the honours of her house to Mrs Delvile, while she ordered another +apartment to be prepared for Cecilia, to whom she administered all the +consolation her friendly zeal could suggest. + +Cecilia, however unhappy, had too just a way of thinking to indulge in +selfish grief, where occasion called her to action for the benefit +of others: scarce a moment, therefore now did she allow to sorrow and +herself, but assiduously bestowed the whole of her time upon her two +sick friends, dividing her attention according to their own desire or +convenience, without consulting or regarding any choice of her own. +Choice, indeed, she had none; she loved Mrs Charlton, she revered Mrs +Delvile; the warmest wish with which her heart glowed, was the recovery +of both, but too deep was her affliction to receive pleasure from +either. + +Two days passed thus, during which the constancy of her attendance, +which at another time would have fatigued her, proved the only relief +she was capable of receiving. Mrs Delvile was evidently affected by her +vigilant tenderness, but seemed equally desirous with herself to make +use of the prohibition to speech as an excuse for uninterrupted silence. +She enquired not even after her son, though the eagerness of her look +towards the door whenever it was opened, shewed either a hope, or an +apprehension that he might enter. Cecilia wished to tell her whither +he was gone, but dreaded trusting her voice with his name; and their +silence, after a while, seemed so much by mutual consent, that she had +soon as little courage as she had inclination to break it. + +The arrival of Dr Lyster gave her much satisfaction, for upon him +rested her hopes of Mrs Delvile's re-establishment. He sent for her down +stairs, to enquire whether he was expected; and hearing that he was not, +desired her to announce him, as the smallest emotion might do mischief. + +She returned up stairs, and after a short preparation, said, "Your +favourite Dr Lyster, madam, is come, and I shall be much the happier for +having you under his care." + +"Dr Lyster?" cried she, "who sent for him?" + +"I believe--I fancy--Mr Delvile fetched him." + +"My son?--is he here, then?" + +"No,--he went, the moment he left you, for Dr Lyster,--and Dr Lyster is +come by himself." + +"Does he write to you?" + +"No, indeed!--he writes not--he comes not--dearest madam be satisfied, +he will do neither to me ever more!" + +"Exemplary young man!" cried she, in a voice hardly audible, "how great +is his loss!--unhappy Mortimer!--ill-fated, and ill-rewarded!" + +She sighed, and said no more; but this short conversation, the only one +which had passed between them since her illness, agitated her so +much, that Dr Lyster, who now came up stairs, found her in a state of +trembling and weakness that both alarmed and surprised him. Cecilia, +glad of an opportunity to be gone, left the room, and sent, by Dr +Lyster's desire, for the physician and surgeon who had already attended. + +After they had been some time with their patient, they retired to a +consultation, and when it was over, Dr Lyster waited upon Cecilia in +the parlour, and assured her he had no apprehension of danger for +Mrs Delvile, "Though, for another week," he added, "I would have her +continue your _patient_, as she is not yet fit to be removed. But pray +mind that she is kept quiet; let nobody go near her, not even her own +son. By the way he is waiting for me at the inn, so I'll just speak +again to his mother, and be gone." + +Cecilia was well pleased by this accidental information, to learn +both the anxiety of Delvile for his mother, and the steadiness of his +forbearance for himself. When Dr Lyster came down stairs again, "I shall +stay," he said, "till to-morrow, but I hope she will be able in another +week to get to Bristol. In the mean time I shall leave her, I see, with +an excellent nurse. But, my good young lady, in your care of her, don't +neglect yourself; I am not quite pleased with your looks, though it is +but an old fashioned speech to tell you so.--What have you been doing to +yourself?" + +"Nothing;" said she, a little embarrassed; "but had you not better have +some tea?" + +"Why yes, I think I had;--but what shall I do with my young man?" + +Cecilia understood the hint, but coloured, and made no answer. + +"He is waiting for me," he continued, "at the inn; however, I never yet +knew the young man I would prefer to a young woman, so if you will give +me some tea here, I shall certainly jilt him." + +Cecilia instantly rang the bell, and ordered tea. + +"Well now," said he, "remember the sin of this breach of appointment +lies wholly at your door. I shall tell him you laid violent hands on +me; and if that is not, enough to excuse me, I shall desire he will try +whether he could be more of a stoic with you himself." + +"I think I must unorder the tea," said she, with what gaiety she could +assume, "if I am to be responsible for any mischief from your drinking +it." + +"No, no, you shan't be off now; but pray would it be quite out of rule +for you to send and ask him to come to us?" + +"Why I believe--I think--" said she, stammering, "it's very likely he +may be engaged." + +"Well, well, I don't mean to propose any violent incongruity. You must +excuse my blundering; I understand but little of the etiquette of young +ladies. 'Tis a science too intricate to be learned without more study +than we plodding men of business can well spare time for. However, when +I have done _writing_ prescriptions, I will set about _reading_ them, +provided you will be my instructress." + +Cecilia, though ashamed of a charge in which prudery and affectation +were implied, was compelled to submit to it, as either to send for +Delvile, or explain her objections, was equally impossible. The Miss +Charltons, therefore, joined them, and they went to tea. + +Just as they had done, a note was delivered to Dr Lyster; "see here," +cried he, when he had read it, "what a fine thing it is to be a _young_ +man! Why now, Mr Mortimer understands as much of all this _etiquette_ as +you ladies do yourselves; for he only writes a note even to ask how his +mother does." + +He then put it into Cecilia's hand. + +_To Dr Lyster_. + +Tell me, my dear Sir, how you have found my mother? I am uneasy at +your long stay, and engaged with my friend Biddulph, or I should have +followed you in person. + +M.D. + +"So you see," continued the doctor, "I need not do penance for +engaging myself to you, when this young gentleman can find such good +entertainment for himself." + +Cecilia who well knew the honourable motive of Delvile's engagement, +with difficulty forbore speaking in his vindication. Dr Lyster +immediately began an answer, but before he had finished it, called out, +"Now as I am told you are a very good young woman, I think you can do no +less than assist me to punish this gay spark, for playing the macaroni, +when he ought to visit his sick mother." + +Cecilia, much hurt for Delvile, and much confused for herself, looked +abashed, but knew not what to answer. + +"My scheme," continued the doctor, "is to tell him, that as he has found +one engagement for tea, he may find another for supper; but that as to +me, I am better disposed of, for you insist upon keeping me to yourself. +Come, what says _etiquette_? may I treat myself with this puff?" + +"Certainly," said Cecilia, endeavouring to look pleased, "if you will +favour us with your company, Miss Charltons and myself will think the +_puffing_ should rather be ours than yours." + +"That, then," said the doctor, "will not answer my purpose, for I mean +the puff to be my own, or how do I punish him? So, suppose I tell him +I shall not only sup with three young ladies, but be invited to a +_tete-a-tete_ with one of them into the bargain?" + +The young ladies only laughed, and the doctor finished his note, and +sent it away; and then, turning gaily to Cecilia, "Come," he said, "why +don't you give me this invitation? surely you don't mean to make me +guilty of perjury?" + +Cecilia, but little disposed for pleasantry, would gladly now have dropt +the subject; but Dr Lyster, turning to the Miss Charltons, said, "Young +ladies, I call you both to witness if this is not very bad usage: this +young woman has connived at my writing a downright falsehood, and all +the time took me in to believe it was a truth. The only way I can think +of to cure her of such frolics, is for both of you to leave us together, +and so make her keep her word whether she will or no." + +The Miss Charltons took the hint, and went away; while Cecilia, who +had not at all suspected he meant seriously to speak with her, remained +extremely perplexed to think what he had to say. + +"Mrs Delvile," cried he, continuing the same air of easy good humour, +"though I allowed her not to speak to me above twenty words, took up +near ten of them to tell me that you had behaved to her like an angel. +Why so she ought, cried I; what else was she sent for here to look +so like one? I charged her, therefore, to take all that as a thing of +course; and to prove that I really think what I say, I am now going to +make a trial of you, that, if you are any thing less, will induce you to +order some of your men to drive me into the street. The truth is, I have +had a little commission given me, which in the first place I know not +how to introduce, and which, in the second, as far as I can judge, +appears to be absolutely superfluous." + +Cecilia now felt uneasy and alarmed, and begged him to explain himself. +He then dropt the levity with which he had begun the discourse, and +after a grave, yet gentle preparation, expressive of his unwillingness +to distress her, and his firm persuasion of her uncommon worthiness, he +acquainted her that he was no stranger to her situation with respect to +the Delvile family. + +"Good God!" cried she, blushing and much amazed; "and who"--- + +"I knew it," said he, "from the moment I attended Mr Mortimer in his +illness at Delvile Castle. He could not conceal from me that the seat +of his disorder was his mind; and I could not know that, without readily +conjecturing the cause, when I saw who was his father's guest, and when +I knew what was his father's character. He found he was betrayed to me, +and upon my advising a journey, he understood me properly. His openness +to counsel, and the manly firmness with which he behaved in quitting +you, made me hope the danger was blown over. But last week, when I was +at the Castle, where I have for some time attended Mr Delvile, who has +had a severe fit of the gout, I found him in an agitation of spirits +that made me apprehend it would be thrown into his stomach. I desired +Mrs Delvile to use her influence to calm him; but she was herself in +still greater emotion, and acquainting me she was obliged to leave +him, desired I would spend with him every moment in my power. I have +therefore almost lived at the Castle during her absence, and, in +the course of our many conversations, he has acknowledged to me the +uneasiness under which he has laboured, from the intelligence concerning +his son, which he had just received." + +Cecilia wished here to enquire _how_ received, and from whom, but had +not the courage, and therefore he proceeded. + +"I was still with the father when Mr Mortimer arrived post at my house +to fetch me hither. I was sent for home; he informed me of his errand +without disguise, for he knew I was well acquainted with the original +secret whence all the evil arose. I told him my distress in what +manner to leave his father; and he was extremely shocked himself when +acquainted with his situation. We agreed that it would be vain to +conceal from him the indisposition of Mrs Delvile, which the delay of +her return, and a thousand other accidents, might in some unfortunate +way make known to him. He commissioned me, therefore, to break it to +him, that he might consent to my journey, and at the same time to quiet +his own mind, by assuring him all he had apprehended was wholly at an +end." + +He stopt, and looked to see how Cecilia bore these words. + +"It is all at an end, Sir;" said she, with firmness; "but I have not yet +heard your commission; what, and from whom is that?" + +"I am thoroughly satisfied it is unnecessary;" he answered, "since the +young man can but submit, and you can but give him up." + +"But still, if there is a message, it is fit I should hear it." + +"If you chase it, so it is. I told Mr Delvile whither I was coming, +and I repeated to him his son's assurances. He was relieved, but not +satisfied; he would not see him, and gave me for him a prohibition of +extreme severity, and to _you_ he bid me say--" + +"From _him_, then, is my message?" cried Cecilia, half frightened, and +much disappointed. + +"Yes," said he, understanding her immediately, "for the son, after +giving me his first account, had the wisdom and forbearance not once to +mention you." + +"I am very glad," said she, with a mixture of admiration and regret, "to +hear it. But, what, Sir, said Mr Delvile?" + +"He bid me tell you that either _he_, or _you_ must see his son never +more." + +"It was indeed unnecessary," cried she, colouring with resentment, "to +send me such a message. I meant not to see him again, he meant not to +desire it. I return him, however, no answer, and I will make him no +promise; to Mrs Delvile alone I hold myself bound; to him, send what +messages he may, I shall always hold myself free. But believe me, Dr +Lyster, if with his name, his son had inherited his character, his +desire of our separation would be feeble, and trifling, compared with my +own!" + +"I am sorry, my good young lady," said he, "to have given you this +disturbance; yet I admire your spirit, and doubt not but it will enable +you to forget any little disappointment you may have suffered. And what, +after all, have you to regret? Mortimer Delvile is, indeed, a young man +that any woman might wish to attach; but every woman cannot have him, +and you, of all women, have least reason to repine in missing him, +for scarcely is there another man you may not chuse or reject at your +pleasure." + +Little as was the consolation Cecilia could draw from this speech, +she was sensible it became not her situation to make complaints, and +therefore, to end the conversation she proposed calling in the Miss +Charltons. + +"No, no," said he, "I must step up again to Mrs Delvile, and then +be-gone. To-morrow morning I shall but call to see how she is, and leave +some directions, and set off. Mr Mortimer Delvile accompanies me back: +but he means to return hither in a week, in order to travel with his +mother to Bristol. Mean time, I purpose to bring about a reconciliation +between him and his father, whose prejudices are more intractable than +any man's I ever met with." + +"It will be strange indeed," said Cecilia, "should a reconciliation +_now_ be difficult!" + +"True; but it is long since he was young himself, and the softer +affections he never was acquainted with, and only regards them in his +son as derogatory to his whole race. However, if there were not some few +such men, there would hardly be a family in the kingdom that could count +a great grand-father. I am not, I must own, of his humour myself, but +I think it rather peculiarly stranger, than peculiarly worse than most +other peoples; and how, for example, was that of _your_ uncle a whit the +better? He was just as fond of _his_ name, as if, like Mr Delvile, he +could trace it from the time of the Saxons." + +Cecilia strongly felt the truth of this observation, but not chusing to +discuss it, made not any answer, and Dr Lyster, after a few good-natured +apologies, both for his friends the Delviles and himself, went up +stairs. + +"What continual disturbance," cried she, when left alone, "keeps me +thus for-ever from rest! no sooner is one wound closed, but another is +opened; mortification constantly succeeds distress, and when my heart is +spared; my pride is attacked, that not a moment of tranquility may ever +be allowed me! Had the lowest of women won the affections of Mr Delvile, +could his father with less delicacy or less decency have acquainted her +with his inflexible disapprobation? To send with so little ceremony a +message so contemptuous and so peremptory!--but perhaps it is better, +for had he, too, like Mrs Delvile, joined kindness with rejection, I +might still more keenly have felt the perverseness of my destiny." + + + +CHAPTER vii. + +A PARTING. + +The next morning Dr Lyster called early, and having visited Mrs Delvile, +and again met the two gentlemen of the faculty in whose care she was to +remain, he took his leave. But not without contriving first to speak a +few words to Cecilia in private, in which he charged her to be careful +of her health, and re-animate her spirits. "Don't suppose," said he, +"that because I am a friend of the Delvile family, I am either blind to +your merits, or to their foibles, far from it; but then why should +they interfere with one another? Let them keep their prejudices, which, +though different, are not worse than their neighbours, and do you retain +your excellencies, and draw from them the happiness they ought to give +you. People reason and refine themselves into a thousand miseries, by +chusing to settle that they can only be contented one way; whereas, +there are fifty ways, if they would but look about them, that would +commonly do as well." + +"I believe, indeed, you are right," answered Cecilia, "and I thank you +for the admonition; I will do what I can towards studying your scheme of +philosophy, and it is always one step to amendment, to be convinced that +we want it." + +"You are a sensible and charming girl," said Dr Lyster, "and Mr Delvile, +should he find a daughter-in-law descended in a right line from Egbert, +first king of all England, won't be so well off as if he had satisfied +himself with you. However, the old gentleman has a fair right, after +all, to be pleased his own way, and let us blame him how we will, we +shall find, upon sifting, it is for no other reason but because his +humour happens to clash with our own." + +"That, indeed," said Cecilia, smiling, "is a truth incontrovertible! and +a truth to which, for the future, I will endeavour to give more weight. +But will you permit me now to ask one question?--Can you tell me +from whom, how, or when the intelligence which has caused all this +disturbance---" + +She hesitated, but, comprehending her readily, he answered "How they got +at it, I never heard, for I never thought it worth while to enquire, as +it is so generally known, that nobody I meet with seems ignorant of it." + +This was another, and a cruel shock to Cecilia, and Dr Lyster, +perceiving it, again attempted to comfort her. "That the affair is +somewhat spread," said he, "is now not to be helped, and therefore +little worth thinking of; every body will agree that the choice of +both does honour to both, and nobody need be ashamed to be successor to +either, whenever the course of things leads Mr Mortimer and yourself +to make another election. He wisely intends to go abroad, and will not +return till he is his own man again. And as to you, my good young +lady, what, after a short time given to vexation, need interrupt your +happiness? You have the whole world before you, with youth, fortune, +talents, beauty and independence; drive, therefore, from your head +this unlucky affair, and remember there can hardly be a family in the +kingdom, this one excepted, that will not rejoice in a connection with +you." + +He then good-humouredly shook hands with her, and went into his chaise. + +Cecilia, though not slow in remarking the ease and philosophy with +which every one can argue upon the calamities, and moralize upon the +misconduct of others, had still the candour and good sense to see that +there was reason in what he urged, and to resolve upon making the best +use in her power of the hints for consolation she might draw from his +discourse. + +During the following week, she devoted herself almost wholly to Mrs +Delvile, sharing with the maid, whom she had brought with her from the +Castle, the fatigue of nursing her, and leaving to the Miss Charltons +the chief care of their grandmother. For Mrs Delvile appeared every hour +more sensible of her attention, and more desirous of her presence, and +though neither of them spoke, each was endeared to the other by the +tender offices of friendship which were paid and received. + +When this week was expired, Dr Lyster was prevailed upon to return again +to Bury, in order to travel himself with Mrs Delvile to Bristol. "Well," +cried he, taking Cecilia by the first opportunity aside, "how are you? +Have you studied my scheme of philosophy, as you promised me?" + +"O yes," said she, "and made, I flatter myself, no little proficiency." + +"You are a good girl," cried he, "a very extraordinary girl! I am sure +you are; and upon my honour I pity poor Mortimer with all my soul! But +he is a noble young fellow, and behaves with a courage and spirit that +does me good to behold. To have obtained you, he would have moved heaven +and earth, but finding you out of his reach, he submits to his fate like +a man." + +Cecilia's eyes glistened at this speech; "Yes," said she, "he long since +said 'tis suspence, 'tis hope, that make the misery of life,--for there +the Passions have all power, and Reason has none. But when evils are +irremediable, and we have neither resources to plan, nor castle-building +to delude us, we find time for the cultivation of philosophy, and +flatter ourselves, perhaps, that we have found inclination!" + +"Why you have considered this matter very deeply," said he; "but I must +not have you give way to these serious reflections. Thought, after all, +has a cruel spite against happiness; I would have you, therefore, keep +as much as you conveniently can, out of its company. Run about and +divert yourself, 'tis all you have for it. The true art of happiness in +this most whimsical world, seems nothing more nor less than this--Let +those who have leisure, find employment, and those who have business, +find leisure." + +He then told her that Mr Delvile senior was much better, and no longer +confined to his room: and that he had had the pleasure of seeing an +entire reconciliation take place between him and his son, of whom he was +more fond and more proud than any other father in the universe. + +"Think of him, however, my dear young lady," he continued, "no more, +for the matter I see is desperate: you must pardon my being a little +officious, when I confess to you I could not help proposing to the old +gentleman an expedient of my own; for as I could not drive you out of +my head, I employed myself in thinking what might be done by way of +accommodation. Now my scheme was really a very good one, only when +people are prejudiced, all reasoning is thrown away upon them. I +proposed sinking _both_ your names, since they are so at variance +with one another, and so adopting a third, by means of a title. But Mr +Delvile angrily declared, that though such a scheme might do very +well for the needy Lord Ernolf, a Peer of twenty years, his own noble +ancestors should never, by his consent, forfeit a name which so many +centuries had rendered honourable. His son Mortimer, he added, must +inevitably inherit the title of his grandfather, his uncle being old +and unmarried; but yet he would rather see him a beggar, than lose his +dearest hope that _Delvile_, Lord _Delvile_, would descend, both name +and title, from generation to generation unsullied and uninterrupted." + +"I am sorry, indeed," said Cecilia, "that such a proposal was made, and +I earnestly entreat that none of any sort may be repeated." + +"Well, well," said he, "I would not for the world do any mischief, but +who would not have supposed such a proposal would have done good?" + +"Mr Mortimer," he then added, "is to meet us at--for he would not, he +said, come again to this place, upon such terms as he was here last +week, for the whole worth of the king's dominions." + +The carriage was now ready, and Mrs Delvile was prepared to depart. +Cecilia approached to take leave of her, but Dr Lyster following, said +"No talking! no thanking! no compliments of any sort! I shall carry off +my patient without permitting one civil speech, and for all the rudeness +I make her guilty of, I am willing to be responsible." + +Cecilia would then have retreated, but Mrs Delvile, holding out both her +hands, said "To every thing else, Dr Lyster, I am content to submit; but +were I to die while uttering the words, I cannot leave this inestimable +creature without first saying how much I love her, how I honour, and +how I thank her! without entreating her to be careful of her health, and +conjuring her to compleat the greatness of her conduct, by not suffering +her spirits to sink from the exertion of her virtue. And now my love, +God bless you!" + +She then embraced her, and went on; Cecilia, at a motion of Dr Lyster's, +forbearing to follow her. + +"And thus," cried she, when they were gone, "thus ends all my connection +with this family! which it seems as if I was only to have known for the +purpose of affording a new proof of the insufficiency of situation to +constitute happiness. Who looks not upon mine as the perfection of +human felicity?--And so, perhaps, it is, for it may be that Felicity and +Humanity are never permitted to come nearer." + +And thus, in philosophic sadness, by reasoning upon the universality +of misery, she restrained, at least, all violence of sorrow, though her +spirits were dejected, and her heart was heavy. + +But the next day brought with it some comfort that a little lightened +her sadness; Mrs Charlton, almost wholly recovered, was able to go down +stairs, and Cecilia had at least the satisfaction of seeing an happy +conclusion to an illness of which, with the utmost concern and regret, +she considered herself as the cause. She attended her with the most +unremitting assiduity, and being really very thankful, endeavoured +to appear happy, and flattered herself that, by continual effort, the +appearance in a short time would become reality. + +Mrs Charlton retired early, and Cecilia accompanied her up stairs: +and while she was with her, was informed that Mr Monckton was in the +parlour. + +The various, afflicting, and uncommon scenes in which she had been +engaged since she last saw him, had almost wholly driven him from her +remembrance, or when at any time he recurred to it, it was only to +attribute the discontinuance of his visits to the offence she had +given him, in refusing to follow his advice by relinquishing her London +expedition. + +Full, therefore, of the mortifying transactions which had passed since +their parting, and fearful of his enquiries into disgraces he had nearly +foretold, she heard him announced with chagrin, and waited upon him in +the most painful confusion. + +Far different were the feelings of Mr Monckton; he read in her +countenance the dejection of disappointment, which impressed upon his +heart the vivacity of hope: her evident shame was to him secret triumph, +her ill-concealed sorrow revived all his expectations. + +She hastily began a conversation by mentioning her debt to him, and +apologising for not paying it the moment she was of age. He knew but +too well how her time had been occupied, and assured her the delay was +wholly immaterial. + +He then led to an enquiry into the present situation of her affairs; +but unable to endure a disquisition, which could only be productive of +censure and mortification, she hastily stopt it, exclaiming, "Ask me +not, I entreat you, Sir, any detail of what has passed,--the event has +brought me sufferings that may well make blame be dispensed with;--I +acknowledge all your wisdom, I am sensible of my own error, but the +affair is wholly dropt, and the unhappy connection I was forming is +broken off for-ever!" + +Little now was Mr Monckton's effort in repressing his further curiosity, +and he started other subjects with readiness, gaiety and address. He +mentioned Mrs Charlton, for whom he had not the smallest regard; he +talked to her of Mrs Harrel, whose very existence was indifferent to +him; and he spoke of their common acquaintance in the country, for not +one of whom he would have grieved, if assured of meeting no more. His +powers of conversation were enlivened by his hopes; and his exhilarated +spirits made all subjects seem happy to him. A weight was removed from +his mind which had nearly borne down even his remotest hopes; the object +of his eager pursuit seemed still within his reach, and the rival into +whose power he had so lately almost beheld her delivered, was totally +renounced, and no longer to be dreaded. A revolution such as this, +raised expectations more sanguine than ever; and in quitting the house, +he exultingly considered himself released from every obstacle to his +views--till, just as he arrived home, he recollected his wife! + + + +CHAPTER viii. + +A TALE. + +A week passed, during which Cecilia, however sad, spent her time as +usual with the family, denying to herself all voluntary indulgence of +grief, and forbearing to seek consolation from solitude, or relief from +tears. She never named Delvile, she begged Mrs Charlton never to mention +him; she called to her aid the account she had received from Dr Lyster +of his firmness, and endeavoured, by an emulous ambition, to fortify her +mind from the weakness of depression and regret. + +This week, a week of struggle with all her feelings, was just elapsed, +when she received by the post the following letter from Mrs Delvile. + +_To Miss Beverley_. + +BRISTOL, _Oct_. 21. + +My sweet young friend will not, I hope, be sorry to hear of my safe +arrival at this place: to me every account of her health and welfare, +will ever be the intelligence I shall most covet to receive. Yet I mean +not to ask for it in return; to chance I will trust for information, and +I only write now to say I shall write no more. + +Too much for thanks is what I owe you, and what I think of you is beyond +all power of expression. Do not, then, wish me ill, ill as I have seemed +to merit of you, for my own heart is almost broken by the tyranny I have +been compelled to practise upon yours. And now let me bid a long adieu +to you, my admirable Cecilia; you shall not be tormented with a useless +correspondence, which can only awaken painful recollections, or give +rise to yet more painful new anxieties. Fervently will I pray for +the restoration of your happiness, to which nothing can so greatly +contribute as that wise, that uniform command, so feminine, yet so +dignified, you maintain over your passions; which often I have admired, +though never so feelingly as at this conscious moment! when my own +health is the sacrifice of emotions most fatally unrestrained. + +Send to me no answer, even if you have the sweetness to wish it; every +new proof of the generosity of your nature is to me but a new wound. +Forget us, therefore, wholly,--alas! you have only known us for sorrow! +forget us, dear and invaluable Cecilia! though, ever, as you have +nobly deserved, must you be fondly and gratefully remembered by AUGUSTA +DELVILE. + +The attempted philosophy, and laboured resignation of Cecilia, this +letter destroyed: the struggle was over, the apathy was at an end, and +she burst into an agony of tears, which finding the vent they had +long sought, now flowed unchecked down her cheeks, sad monitors of the +weakness of reason opposed to the anguish of sorrow! + +A letter at once so caressing, yet so absolute, forced its way to her +heart, in spite of the fortitude she had flattered herself was its +guard. In giving up Delvile she was satisfied of the propriety of seeing +him no more, and convinced that even to talk of him would be folly +and imprudence; but to be told that for the future they must remain +strangers to the existence of each other--there seemed in this a +hardship, a rigour, that was insupportable. + +"Oh what," cried she, "is human nature! in its best state how imperfect! +that a woman such as this, so noble in character, so elevated in +sentiment, with heroism to sacrifice to her sense of duty the happiness +of a son, whom with joy she would die to serve, can herself be thus +governed by prejudice, thus enslaved, thus subdued by opinion!" Yet +never, even when miserable, unjust or irrational; her grief was unmixed +with anger, and her tears streamed not from resentment, but affliction. +The situation of Mrs Delvile, however different, she considered to be +as wretched as her own. She read, therefore, with sadness, but not +bitterness, her farewell, and received not with disdain, but with +gratitude, her sympathy. Yet though her indignation was not irritated, +her sufferings were doubled, by a farewell so kind, yet so despotic, a +sympathy so affectionate, yet so hopeless. + +In this first indulgence of grief which she had granted to her +disappointment, she was soon interrupted by a summons down stairs to a +gentleman. + +Unfit and unwilling to be seen, she begged that he might leave his name, +and appoint a time for calling again. + +Her maid brought for answer, that he believed his name was unknown to +her, and desired to see her now, unless she was employed in some matter +of moment. She then put up her letter, and went into the parlour; and +there, to her infinite amazement, beheld Mr Albany. + +"How little, Sir," she cried, "did I expect this pleasure." + +"This pleasure," repeated he, "do you call it?--what strange abuse of +words! what causeless trifling with honesty! is language of no purpose +but to wound the ear with untruths? is the gift of speech only granted +us to pervert the use of understanding? I can give you no pleasure, +I have no power to give it any one; you can give none to me-the whole +world could not invest you with the means!" + +"Well, Sir," said Cecilia, who had little spirit to defend herself, "I +will not vindicate the expression, but of this I will unfeignedly assure +you, I am at least as glad to see you just now, as I should be to see +anybody." + +"Your eyes," cried he, "are red, your voice is inarticulate;--young, +rich, and attractive, the world at your feet; that world yet untried, +and its falsehood unknown, how have you thus found means to anticipate +misery? which way have you uncovered the cauldron of human woes? Fatal +and early anticipation! that cover once removed, can never be replaced; +those woes, those boiling woes, will pour out upon you continually, +and only when your heart ceases to beat, will their ebullition cease to +torture you!" + +"Alas!" cried Cecilia, shuddering, "how cruel, yet how true!" + +"Why went you," cried he, "to the cauldron? it came not to you. Misery +seeks not man, but man misery. He walks out in the sun, but stops +not for a cloud; confident, he pursues his way, till the storm which, +gathering, he might have avoided, bursts over his devoted head. Scared +and amazed, he repents his temerity; he calls, but it is then too late; +he runs, but it is thunder which follows him! Such is the presumption +of man, such at once is the arrogance and shallowness of his nature! And +thou, simple and blind! hast thou, too, followed whither Fancy has led +thee, unheeding that thy career was too vehement for tranquility, +nor missing that lovely companion of youth's early innocence, till, +adventurous and unthinking, thou hast lost her for ever!" + +In the present weak state of Cecilia's spirits, this attack was too much +for her; and the tears she had just, and with difficulty restrained, +again forced their way down her cheeks, as she answered, "It is but too +true,--I have lost her for ever!" + +"Poor thing," said he, while the rigour of his countenance was +softened into the gentlest commiseration, "so young!--looking, too, so +innocent--'tis hard!--And is nothing left thee? no small remaining hope, +to cheat, humanely cheat thy yet not wholly extinguished credulity?" + +Cecilia wept without answering. + +"Let me not," said he, "waste my compassion upon nothing; compassion is +with me no effusion of affectation; tell me, then, if thou deservest it, +or if thy misfortunes are imaginary, and thy grief is factitious?" + +"Factitious," repeated she, "Good heaven!" + +"Answer me, then, these questions, in which I shall comprise the only +calamities for which sorrow has no controul, or none from human motives. +Tell me, then, have you lost by death the friend of your bosom?" + +"No!" + +"Is your fortune dissipated by extravagance, and your power of relieving +the distressed at an end?" + +"No; the power and the will are I hope equally undiminished." + +"O then, unhappy girl! have you been guilty of some vice, and hangs +remorse thus heavy on your conscience?" + +"No, no; thank heaven, to that misery, at least, I am a stranger!" + +His countenance now again resumed its severity, and, in the sternest +manner, "Whence then," he said, "these tears? and what is this caprice +you dignify with the name of sorrow?--strange wantonness of indolence +and luxury! perverse repining of ungrateful plenitude!--oh hadst thou +known what _I_ have suffered!"-- + +"Could I lessen what you have suffered," said Cecilia, "I should +sincerely rejoice; but heavy indeed must be your affliction, if mine in +its comparison deserves to be styled caprice!" + +"Caprice!" repeated he, "'tis joy! 'tis extacy compared with mine!--Thou +hast not in licentiousness wasted thy inheritance! thou hast not by +remorse barred each avenue to enjoyment! nor yet has the cold grave +seized the beloved of thy soul!" + +"Neither," said Cecilia, "I hope, are the evils you have yourself +sustained so irremediable?" + +"Yes, I have borne them all!--_have_ borne? I bear them still; I shall +bear them while I breathe! I may rue them, perhaps, yet longer." + +"Good God!" cried Cecilia, shrinking, "what a world is this! how full of +woe and wickedness!" + +"Yet thou, too, canst complain," cried he, "though happy in life's only +blessing, Innocence! thou, too, canst murmur, though stranger to death's +only terror, Sin! Oh yet if thy sorrow is unpolluted with guilt, be +regardless of all else, and rejoice in thy destiny!" + +"But who," cried she, deeply sighing, "shall teach me such a lesson of +joy, when all within rises to oppose it?" + +"I," cried he, "will teach it thee, for I will tell thee my own sad +story. Then wilt thou find how much happier is thy lot, then wilt thou +raise thy head in thankful triumph." + +"O no! triumph comes not so lightly! yet if you will venture to trust +me with some account of yourself, I shall be glad to hear it, and much +obliged by the communication." + +"I will," he answered, "whatever I may suffer: to awaken thee from this +dream of fancied sorrow, I will open all my wounds, and thou shalt probe +them with fresh shame." + +"No, indeed," cried Cecilia with quickness, "I will not hear you, if the +relation will be so painful." + +"Upon _me_ this humanity is lost," said he, "since punishment and +penitence alone give me comfort. I will tell thee, therefore, my crimes, +that thou mayst know thy own felicity, lest, ignorant it means nothing +but innocence, thou shouldst lose it, unconscious of its value. Listen +then to me, and learn what Misery is! Guilt is alone the basis of +lasting unhappiness;--Guilt is the basis of mine, and therefore I am a +wretch for ever!" + +Cecilia would again have declined hearing him, but he refused to be +spared: and as her curiosity had long been excited to know something of +his history, and the motives of his extraordinary conduct, she was glad +to have it satisfied, and gave him the utmost attention. + +"I will not speak to you of my family," said he; "historical accuracy +would little answer to either of us. I am a native of the West Indies, +and I was early sent hither to be educated. While I was yet at the +University, I saw, I adored, and I pursued the fairest flower that ever +put forth its sweet buds, the softest heart that ever was broken by +ill-usage! She was poor and unprotected, the daughter of a villager; +she was untaught and unpretending, the child of simplicity! But fifteen +summers had she bloomed, and her heart was an easy conquest; yet, once +made mine, it resisted all allurement to infidelity. My fellow students +attacked her; she was assaulted by all the arts of seduction; flattery, +bribery, supplication, all were employed, yet all failed; she was wholly +my own; and with sincerity so attractive, I determined to marry her in +defiance of all worldly objections. + +"The sudden death of my father called me hastily to Jamaica; I feared +leaving this treasure unguarded, yet in decency could neither marry nor +take her directly; I pledged my faith, therefore, to return to her, +as soon as I had settled my affairs, and I left to a bosom friend the +inspection of her conduct in my absence. + +"To leave her was madness,--to trust in man was madness,--Oh hateful +race! how has the world been abhorrent to me since that time! I have +loathed the light of the sun, I have shrunk from the commerce of my +fellow creatures; the voice of man I have detested, his sight I have +abominated!--but oh, more than all should I be abominated myself! + +"When I came to my fortune, intoxicated with sudden power, I forgot this +fair blossom, I revelled in licentiousness and vice, and left it exposed +and forlorn. Riot succeeded riot, till a fever, incurred by my own +intemperance, first gave me time to think. Then was she revenged, for +then first remorse was my portion: her image was brought back to my mind +with frantic fondness, and bitterest contrition. The moment I recovered, +I returned to England; I flew to claim her,--but she was lost! no one +knew whither she was gone; the wretch I had trusted pretended to know +least of all; yet, after a furious search, I traced her to a cottage, +where he had concealed her himself! + +"When she saw me, she screamed and would have flown; I stopt her, and +told her I came faithfully and honourably to make her my wife:--her +own faith and honour, though sullied, were not extinguished, for she +instantly acknowledged the fatal tale of her undoing! + +"Did I recompense this ingenuousness? this unexampled, this beautiful +sacrifice to intuitive integrity? Yes! with my curses!--I loaded her +with execrations, I reviled her in language the most opprobrious, I +insulted her even for her confession! I invoked all evil upon her +from the bottom of my heart--She knelt at my feet, she implored +my forgiveness and compassion, she wept with the bitterness of +despair,--and yet I spurned her from me!--Spurned?--let me not hide +my shame! I barbarously struck her!--nor single was the blow!--it was +doubled, it was reiterated!--Oh wretch, unyielding and unpitying! +where shall hereafter be clemency for thee!--So fair a form! so young a +culprit! so infamously seduced! so humbly penitent! + +"In this miserable condition, helpless and deplorable, mangled by these +savage hands, and reviled by this inhuman tongue, I left her, in search +of the villain who had destroyed her: but, cowardly as treacherous, +he had absconded. Repenting my fury, I hastened to her again; the +fierceness of my cruelty shamed me when I grew calmer, the softness of +her sorrow melted me upon recollection: I returned, therefore, to soothe +her,--but again she was gone! terrified with expectation of insult, she +hid herself from all my enquiries. I wandered in search of her two long +years to no purpose, regardless of my affairs, and of all things but +that pursuit. At length, I thought I saw her--in London, alone, and +walking in the streets at midnight,--I fearfully followed her,--and +followed her into an house of infamy! + +"The wretches by whom she was surrounded were noisy and drinking, they +heeded me little,--but she saw and knew me at once! She did not speak, +nor did I,--but in two moments she fainted and fell. + +"Yet did I not help her; the people took their own measures to recover +her, and when she was again able to stand, would have removed her to +another apartment. + +"I then went forward, and forcing them away from her with all the +strength of desperation, I turned to the unhappy sinner, who to chance +only seemed to leave what became of her, and cried, From this scene of +vice and horror let me yet rescue you! you look still unfit for such +society, trust yourself, therefore, to me. I seized her hand, I drew, +I almost dragged her away. She trembled, she could scarce totter, but +neither consented nor refused, neither shed a tear, nor spoke a word, +and her countenance presented a picture of affright, amazement, and +horror. + +"I took her to a house in the country, each of us silent the whole way. +I gave her an apartment and a female attendant, and ordered for her +every convenience I could suggest. I stayed myself in the same house, +but distracted with remorse for the guilt and ruin into which I had +terrified her, I could not bear her sight. + +"In a few days her maid assured me the life she led must destroy her; +that she would taste nothing but bread and water, never spoke, and never +slept. + +"Alarmed by this account, I flew into her apartment; pride and +resentment gave way to pity and fondness, and I besought her to take +comfort. I spoke, however, to a statue, she replied not, nor seemed to +hear me. I then humbled myself to her as in the days of her innocence +and first power, supplicating her notice, entreating even her +commiseration! all was to no purpose; she neither received nor repulsed +me, and was alike inattentive to exhortation and to prayer. + +"Whole hours did I spend at her feet, vowing never to arise till she +spoke to me,--all, all, in vain! she seemed deaf, mute, insensible; her +face unmoved, a settled despair fixed in her eyes,--those eyes that had +never looked at me but with dove-like softness and compliance!--She sat +constantly in one chair, she never changed her dress, no persuasions +could prevail with her to lie down, and at meals she just swallowed so +much dry bread as might save her from dying for want of food. + +"What was the distraction of my soul, to find her bent upon this course +to her last hour!--quick came that hour, but never will it be forgotten! +rapidly it was gone, but eternally it will be remembered! + +"When she felt herself expiring, she acknowledged she had made a +vow, upon entering the house, to live speechless and motionless, as a +pennance for her offences! + +"I kept her loved corpse till my own senses failed me,--it was then only +torn from me,--and I have lost all recollection of three years of my +existence!" + +Cecilia shuddered at this hint, yet was not surprised by it; Mr Gosport +had acquainted her he had been formerly confined; and his flightiness, +wildness, florid language, and extraordinary way of life, bad long led +her to suspect his reason had been impaired. + +"The scene to which my memory first leads me back," he continued, "is +visiting her grave; solemnly upon it I returned her vow, though not by +one of equal severity. To her poor remains did I pledge myself, that +the day should never pass in which I would receive nourishment, nor the +night come in which I would take rest, till I had done, or zealously +attempted to do, some service to a fellow-creature. + +"For this purpose have I wandered from city to city, from the town to +the country, and from the rich to the poor. I go into every house where +I can gain admittance, I admonish all who will hear me, I shame even +those who will not. I seek the distressed where ever they are hid, +I follow the prosperous to beg a mite to serve them. I look for the +Dissipated in public, where, amidst their licentiousness, I check them; +I pursue the Unhappy in private, where I counsel and endeavour to +assist them. My own power is small; my relations, during my sufferings, +limiting me to an annuity; but there is no one I scruple to solicit, and +by zeal I supply ability. + +"Oh life of hardship and pennance! laborious, toilsome, and restless! +but I have merited no better, and I will not repine at it; I have vowed +that I will endure it, and I will not be forsworn. + +"One indulgence alone from time to time I allow myself,--'tis Music! +which has power to delight me even to rapture! it quiets all anxiety, it +carries me out of myself, I forget through it every calamity, even the +bitterest anguish. + +"Now then, that thou hast heard me, tell me, hast _thou_ cause of +sorrow?" + +"Alas," cried Cecilia, "this indeed is a Picture of Misery to make _my_ +lot seem all happiness!" + +"Art thou thus open to conviction?" cried he, mildly; "and dost thou not +fly the voice of truth! for truth and reproof are one." + +"No, I would rather seek it; I feel myself wretched, however inadequate +may be the cause; I wish to be more resigned, and if you can instruct me +how, I shall thankfully attend to you." + +"Oh yet uncorrupted creature!" cried he, "with joy will I be thy +monitor,--joy long untasted! Many have I wished to serve, all, hitherto, +have rejected my offices; too honest to flatter them, they had not the +fortitude to listen to me; too low to advance them, they had not the +virtue to bear with me. You alone have I yet found pure enough not to +fear inspection, and good enough to wish to be better. Yet words alone +will not content me; I must also have deeds. Nor will your purse, +however readily opened, suffice, you must give to me also your time +and your thoughts; for money sent by others, to others only will afford +relief; to enlighten your own cares, you must distribute it yourself." + +"You shall find me," said she, "a docile pupil, and most glad to be +instructed how my existence may be useful." + +"Happy then," cried he, "was the hour that brought me to this country; +yet not in search of you did I come, but of the mutable and ill-fated +Belfield. Erring, yet ingenious young man! what a lesson to the vanity +of talents, to the gaiety, the brilliancy of wit, is the sight of that +green fallen plant! not sapless by age, nor withered by disease, +but destroyed by want of pruning, and bending, breaking by its own +luxuriance!" + +"And where, Sir, is he now? + +"Labouring wilfully in the field, with those who labour compulsatorily; +such are we all by nature, discontented, perverse, and changeable; +though all have not courage to appear so, and few, like Belfield, are +worth watching when they do. He told me he was happy; I knew it could +not be: but his employment was inoffensive, and I left him without +reproach. In this neighbourhood I heard of you, and found your name was +coupled with praise. I came to see if you deserved it; I have seen, and +am satisfied." + +"You are not, then, very difficult, for I have yet done nothing. How are +we to begin these operations you propose? You have awakened me by them +to an expectation of pleasure, which nothing else, I believe, could just +now have given me." + +"We will work," cried he, "together, till not a woe shall remain upon +your mind. The blessings of the fatherless, the prayers of little +children, shall heal all your wounds with balm of sweetest fragrance. +When sad, they shall cheer, when complaining, they shall soothe you. We +will go to their roofless houses, and see them repaired; we will exclude +from their dwellings the inclemency of the weather; we will clothe them +from cold, we will rescue them from hunger. The cries of distress shall +be changed to notes of joy: your heart shall be enraptured, mine, too, +shall revive--oh whither am I wandering? I am painting an Elysium! +and while I idly speak, some fainting object dies for want of succour! +Farewell; I will fly to the abodes of wretchedness, and come to you +to-morrow to render them the abodes of happiness." + +He then went away. + +This singular visit was for Cecilia most fortunately timed: it almost +surprised her out of her peculiar grief, by the view which it opened +to her of general calamity; wild, flighty, and imaginative as were +his language and his counsels, their morality was striking, and their +benevolence was affecting. Taught by him to compare her state with that +of at least half her species, she began more candidly to weigh what was +left with what was withdrawn, and found the balance in her favour. +The plan he had presented to her of good works was consonant to her +character and inclinations; and the active charity in which he proposed +to engage her, re-animated her fallen hopes, though to far different +subjects from those which had depressed them. Any scheme of worldly +happiness would have sickened and disgusted her; but her mind was just +in the situation to be impressed with elevated piety, and to adopt any +design in which virtue humoured melancholy. + + + +CHAPTER ix. + +A SHOCK. + +Cecelia passed the rest of the day in fanciful projects of beneficence; +she determined to wander with her romantic new ally whither-so-ever +he would lead her, and to spare neither fortune, time, nor trouble, in +seeking and relieving the distressed. Not all her attempted philosophy +had calmed her mind like this plan; in merely refusing indulgence +to grief, she had only locked it up in her heart, where eternally +struggling for vent, she was almost overpowered by restraining it; but +now her affliction had no longer her whole faculties to itself; the hope +of doing good, the pleasure of easing pain, the intention of devoting +her time to the service of the unhappy, once more delighted her +imagination,--that source of promissory enjoyment, which though often +obstructed, is never, in youth, exhausted. + +She would not give Mrs Charlton the unnecessary pain of hearing the +letter with which she had been so, much affected, but she told her of +the visit of Albany, and pleased her with the account of their scheme. + +At night, with less sadness than usual, she retired to rest. In her +sleep she bestowed riches, and poured plenty upon the land; she +humbled the oppressor, she exalted the oppressed; slaves were raised to +dignities, captives restored to liberty; beggars saw smiling abundance, +and wretchedness was banished the world. From a cloud in which she was +supported by angels, Cecilia beheld these wonders, and while enjoying +the glorious illusion, she was awakened by her maid, with news that Mrs +Charlton was dying! + +She started up, and, undressed, was running to her apartment,--when the +maid, calling to stop her, confessed she was already dead! + +She had made her exit in the night, but the time was not exactly known; +her own maid, who slept in the room with her, going early to her bedside +to enquire how she did, found her cold and motionless, and could only +conclude that a paralytic stroke had taken her off. + +Happily and in good time had Cecilia been somewhat recruited by one +night of refreshing slumbers and flattering dreams, for the shock she +now received promised her not soon another. + +She lost in Mrs Charlton a friend, whom nearly from her infancy she +had considered as a mother, and by whom she had been cherished with +tenderness almost unequalled. She was not a woman of bright parts, or +much cultivation, but her heart was excellent, and her disposition was +amiable. Cecilia had known her longer than her memory could look back, +though the earliest circumstances she could trace were kindnesses +received from her. Since she had entered into life, and found the +difficulty of the part she had to act, to this worthy old lady alone had +she unbosomed her secret cares. Though little assisted by her counsel, +she was always certain of her sympathy; and while her own superior +judgment directed her conduct, she had the relief of communicating her +schemes, and weighing her perplexities, with a friend to whom nothing +that concerned her was indifferent, and whose greatest wish and chief +pleasure was the enjoyment of her conversation. + +If left to herself, in the present period of her life, Mrs Charlton had +certainly not been the friend of her choice. The delicacy of her mind, +and the refinement of her ideas, had now rendered her fastidious, +and she would have looked out for elegancies and talents to which Mrs +Charlton had no pretensions: but those who live in the country have +little power of selection; confined to a small circle, they must be +content with what it offers; and however they may idolize extraordinary +merit when they meet with it, they must not regard it as essential to +friendship, for in their circumscribed rotation, whatever may be their +discontent, they can make but little change. + +Such had been the situation to which Mrs Charlton and Mrs Harrel owed +the friendship of Cecilia. Greatly their superior in understanding and +intelligence, had the candidates for her favour been more numerous, the +election had not fallen upon either of them. But she became known to +both before discrimination made her difficult, and when her enlightened +mind discerned their deficiencies, they had already an interest in her +affections, which made her see them with lenity: and though sometimes, +perhaps, conscious she should not have chosen them from many, she +adhered to them with sincerity, and would have changed them for none. + +Mrs Harrel, however, too weak for similar sentiments, forgot her +when out of sight, and by the time they met again, was insensible to +everything but shew and dissipation. Cecilia, shocked and surprised, +first grieved from disappointed affection, and then lost that affection +in angry contempt. But her fondness for Mrs Charlton had never known +abatement, as the kindness which had excited it had never known +allay. She had loved her first from childish gratitude; but that love, +strengthened and confirmed by confidential intercourse, was now as +sincere and affectionate as if it had originated from sympathetic +admiration. Her loss, therefore, was felt with the utmost severity, and +neither seeing nor knowing any means of replacing it, she considered it +as irreparable, and mourned it with bitterness. + +When the first surprize of this cruel stroke was somewhat lessened, she +sent an express to Mr Monckton with the news, and entreated to see him +immediately. He came without delay, and she begged his counsel what step +she ought herself to take in consequence of this event. Her own house +was still unprepared for her; she had of late neglected to hasten the +workmen, and almost forgotten her intention of entering it. It was +necessary, however, to change her abode immediately; she was no +longer in the house of Mrs Charlton, but of her grand-daughters and +co-heiresses, each of whom she disliked, and upon neither of whom she +had any claim. + +Mr Monckton then, with the quickness of a man who utters a thought at +the very moment of its projection, mentioned a scheme upon which +during his whole ride he had been ruminating; which was that she would +instantly remove to his house, and remain there till settled to her +satisfaction. + +Cecilia objected her little right of surprising Lady Margaret; but, +without waiting to discuss it, lest new objections should arise, he +quitted her, to fetch himself from her ladyship an invitation he meant +to insist upon her sending. + +Cecilia, though heartily disliking this plan, knew not at present what +better to adopt, and thought anything preferable to going again to +Mrs Harrel, since that only could be done by feeding the anxiety of Mr +Arnott. + +Mr Monckton soon returned with a message of his own fabrication; for +his lady, though obliged to receive whom he pleased, took care to guard +inviolate the independence of speech, sullenly persevering in refusing +to say anything, or perversely saying only what he least wished to hear. + +Cecilia then took a hasty leave of Miss Charltons, who, little affected +by what they had lost, and eager to examine what they had gained, parted +from her gladly, and, with a heavy heart and weeping eyes, borrowed for +the last time the carriage of her late worthy old friend, and for-ever +quitting her hospitable house, sorrowfully set out for the Grove. + + + +BOOK IX. + + + +CHAPTER i. + +A COGITATION. + +Lady Margaret Monckton received Cecilia with the most gloomy coldness: +she apologised for the liberty she had taken in making use of her +ladyship's house, but, meeting no return of civility, she withdrew +to the room which had been prepared for her, and resolved as much as +possible to keep out of her sight. + +It now became necessary without further delay to settle her plan of +life, and fix her place of residence. The forbidding looks of Lady +Margaret made her hasten her resolves, which otherwise would for a while +have given way to grief for her recent misfortune. + +She sent for the surveyor who had the superintendance of her estates, to +enquire how soon her own house would be fit for her reception; and heard +there was yet work for near two months. + +This answer made her very uncomfortable. To continue two months under +the roof with Lady Margaret was a penance she could not enjoin herself, +nor was she at all sure Lady Margaret would submit to it any better: she +determined, therefore, to release herself from the conscious burthen of +being an unwelcome visitor, by boarding with some creditable family at +Bury, and devoting the two months in which she was to be kept from her +house, to a general arrangement of her affairs, and a final settling +with her guardians. + +For these purposes it would be necessary she should go to London: +but with whom, or in what manner, she could not decide. She desired, +therefore, another conference with Mr Monckton, who met her in the +parlour. + +She then communicated to him her schemes; and begged his counsel in her +perplexities. + +He was delighted at the application, and extremely well pleased with her +design of boarding at Bury, well knowing, he could then watch and visit +her at his pleasure, and have far more comfort in her society than even +in his own house, where all the vigilance with which he observed her, +was short of that with which he was himself observed by Lady Margaret. +He endeavoured, however, to dissuade her from going to town, but her +eagerness to pay the large sum she owed him, was now too great to be +conquered. Of age, her fortune wholly in her power, and all attendance +upon Mrs Charlton at an end, she had no longer any excuse for having a +debt in the world, and would suffer no persuasion to make her begin her +career in life, with a negligence in settling her accounts which she had +so often censured in others. To go to London therefore she was fixed, +and all that she desired was his advice concerning the journey. + +He then told her that in order to settle with her guardians, she must +write to them in form, to demand an account of the sums that had been +expended during her minority, and announce her intention for the future +to take the management of her fortune into her own hands. + +She immediately followed his directions, and consented to remain at the +Grove till their answers arrived. + +Being now, therefore, unavoidably fixed for some time at the house, she +thought it proper and decent to attempt softening Lady Margaret in her +favour. She exerted all her powers to please and to oblige her; but the +exertion was necessarily vain, not only from the disposition, but the +situation of her ladyship, since every effort made for this conciliatory +purpose, rendered her doubly amiable in the eyes of her husband, and +consequently to herself more odious than ever. Her jealousy, already but +too well founded, received every hour the poisonous nourishment of fresh +conviction, which so much soured and exasperated a temper naturally +harsh, that her malignity and ill-humour grew daily more acrimonious. +Nor would she have contented herself with displaying this irascibility +by general moroseness, had not the same suspicious watchfulness which +discovered to her the passion of her husband, served equally to make +manifest the indifference and innocence of Cecilia; to reproach her +therefore, she had not any pretence, though her knowledge how much she +had to dread her, past current in her mind for sufficient reason to +hate her. The Angry and the Violent use little discrimination; whom +they like, they enquire not if they approve; but whoever, no matter +how unwittingly, stands in their way, they scruple not to ill use, and +conclude they may laudably detest. + +Cecilia, though much disgusted, gave not over her attempt, which she +considered but as her due while she continued in her house. Her general +character, also, for peevishness and haughty ill-breeding, skilfully, +from time to time, displayed, and artfully repined at by Mr Monckton, +still kept her from suspecting any peculiar animosity to herself, and +made her impute all that passed to the mere rancour of ill-humour. She +confined herself, however, as much as possible to her own apartment, +where her sorrow for Mrs Charlton almost hourly increased, by the +comparison she was forced upon making of her house with the Grove. + +That worthy old lady left her grand-daughters her co-heiresses and sole +executrixes. She bequeathed from them nothing considerable, though +she left some donations for the poor, and several of her friends were +remembered by small legacies. Among them Cecilia had her picture, and +favourite trinkets, with a paragraph in her will, that as there was no +one she so much loved, had her fortune been less splendid, she should +have shared with her grand-daughters whatever she had to bestow. + +Cecilia was much affected by this last and solemn remembrance. She more +than ever coveted to be alone, that she might grieve undisturbed, and +she lamented without ceasing the fatigue and the illness which, in so +late a period, as it proved, of her life, she had herself been the means +of occasioning to her. + +Mr Monckton had too much prudence to interrupt this desire of solitude, +which indeed cost him little pain, as he considered her least in +danger when alone. She received in about a week answers from both her +guardians. Mr Delvile's letter was closely to the purpose, without a +word but of business, and couched in the haughtiest terms. As he had +never, he said, acted, he had no accounts to send in; but as he was +going to town in a few days, he would see her for a moment in the +presence of Mr Briggs, that a joint release might be signed, to prevent +any future application to him. + +Cecilia much lamented there was any necessity for her seeing him at all, +and looked forward to the interview as the greatest mortification she +could suffer. + +Mr Briggs, though still more concise, was far kinder in his language: +but he advised her to defer her scheme of taking the money into her own +hands, assuring her she would be cheated, and had better leave it to +him. + +When she communicated these epistles to Mr Monckton, he failed not to +read, with an emphasis, by which his arrogant meaning was still more +arrogantly enforced, the letter of Mr Delvile aloud. Nor was he sparing +in comments that might render it yet more offensive. Cecilia neither +concurred in what he said, nor opposed it, but contented herself, when +he was silent, with producing the other letter. + +Mr Monckton read not this with more favour. He openly attacked the +character of Briggs, as covetous, rapacious, and over-reaching, and +warned her by no means to abide by his counsel, without first taking the +opinion of some disinterested person. He then stated the various arts +which might be practised upon her inexperience, enumerated the dangers +to which her ignorance of business exposed her, and annotated upon +the cheats, double dealings, and tricks of stock jobbing, to which +he assured her Mr Briggs owed all he was worth, till, perplexed and +confounded, she declared herself at a loss how to proceed, and earnestly +regretted that she could not have his counsel upon the spot. + +This was his aim: to draw the wish from her, drew all suspicion of +selfish views from himself: and he told her that he considered her +present situation as so critical, the future confusion or regularity +of her money transactions seeming to depend upon it, that he would +endeavour to arrange his affairs for meeting her in London. + +Cecilia gave him many thanks for the kind intention, and determined to +be totally guided by him in the disposal and direction of her fortune. + +Mean time he had now another part to act; he saw that with Cecilia +nothing more remained to be done, and that, harbouring not a doubt of +his motives, she thought his design in her favour did her nothing but +honour; but he had too much knowledge of the world to believe it would +judge him in the same manner, and too much consciousness of duplicity to +set its judgment at defiance. + +To parry, therefore, the conjectures which might follow his attending +her, he had already prepared Lady Margaret to wish herself of the party: +for however disagreeable to him was her presence and her company, he had +no other means to be under the same roof with Cecilia. + +Miss Bennet, the wretched tool of his various schemes, and the mean +sycophant of his lady, had been employed by him to work upon her +jealousy, by secretly informing her of his intention to go to town, +at the same time that Cecilia went thither to meet her guardians. +She pretended to have learned this intelligence by accident, and to +communicate it from respectful regard; and advised her to go to London +herself at the same time, that she might see into his designs, and be +some check upon his pleasure. + +The encreasing infirmities of Lady Margaret made this counsel by no +means palatable: but Miss Bennet, following the artful instructions +which she received, put in her way so strong a motive, by assuring her +how little her company was wished, that in the madness of her spite +she determined upon the journey. And little heeding how she tormented +herself while she had any view of tormenting Mr Monckton, she was led on +by her false confident to invite Cecilia to her own house. + +Mr Monckton, in whom by long practice, artifice was almost nature, well +knowing his wife's perverseness, affected to look much disconcerted at +the proposal; while Cecilia, by no means thinking it necessary to extend +her compliance to such a punishment, instantly made an apology, and +declined the invitation. + +Lady Margaret, little versed in civility, and unused to the arts of +persuasion, could not, even for a favourite project, prevail upon +herself to use entreaty, and therefore, thinking her scheme defeated, +looked gloomily disappointed, and said nothing more. + +Mr Monckton saw with delight how much this difficulty inflamed her, +though the moment he could speak alone with Cecilia he made it his care +to remove it. + +He represented to her that, however privately she might live, she was +too young to be in London lodgings by herself, and gave an hint which +she could not but understand, that in going or in staying with only +servants, suspicions might soon be raised, that the plan and motive of +her journey were different to those given out. + +She knew he meant to insinuate that it would be conjectured she +designed to meet Delvile, and though colouring, vext and provoked at the +suggestion, the idea was sufficient to frighten her into his plan. + +In a few days, therefore, the matter was wholly arranged, Mr Monckton, +by his skill and address, leading every one whither he pleased, while, +by the artful coolness of his manner, he appeared but to follow himself. +He [set] out the day before, though earnestly wishing to accompany +them, but having as yet in no single instance gone to town in the same +carriage with Lady Margaret, he dared trust neither the neighbourhood +nor the servants with so dangerous a subject for their comments. + +Cecilia, compelled thus to travel with only her Ladyship and Miss +Bennet, had a journey the most disagreeable, and determined, if +possible, to stay in London but two days. She had already fixed upon a +house in which she could board at Bury when she returned, and there she +meant quietly to reside till she could enter her own. + +Lady Margaret herself, exhilarated by a notion of having outwitted her +husband, was in unusual good spirits, and almost in good humour. +The idea of thwarting his designs, and being in the way of his +entertainment, gave to her a delight she had seldom received from any +thing; and the belief that this was effected by the superiority of her +cunning, doubled her contentment, and raised it to exultation. She owed +him, indeed, much provocation and uneasiness, and was happy in this +opportunity of paying her arrears. + +Mean while that consummate master in every species of hypocrisy, +indulged her in this notion, by the air of dissatisfaction with which he +left the house. It was not that she meant by her presence to obviate any +impropriety: early and long acquainted with the character of Cecilia, +she well knew, that during her life the passion of her husband must be +confined to his own breast: but conscious of his aversion to herself, +which she resented with the bitterest ill-will, and knowing how little, +at any time, he desired her company, she consoled herself for her +inability to give pleasure by the power she possessed of giving pain, +and bore with the fatigue of a journey disagreeable and inconvenient +to her, with no other view than the hope of breaking into his plan of +avoiding her. Little imagining that the whole time she was forwarding +his favourite pursuit, and only acting the part which he had appointed +her to perform. + + + +CHAPTER ii. + +A SURPRIZE. + +Lady Margaret's town house was in Soho Square; and scarcely had Cecilia +entered it, before her desire to speed her departure, made her send +a note to each of her guardians, acquainting them of her arrival, and +begging, if possible, to see them the next day. + +She had soon the two following answers: + +_To Miss Cecilia Beverley,----These November_ 8, 1779. Miss,--Received +yours of the same date; can't come tomorrow. Will, Wednesday the +10th.--Am, &c., Jno. Briggs. + +Miss Cecilia Beverley + +_To Miss Beverley_. + +Mr Delvile has too many affairs of importance upon his hands, to make +any appointment till he has deliberated how to arrange them. Mr Delvile +will acquaint Miss Beverley when it shall be in his power to see her. + +St James's-square, _Nov_ 8. + +These characteristic letters, which at another time might have diverted +Cecilia, now merely served to torment her. She was eager to quit town, +she was more eager to have her meeting with Mr Delvile over, who, +oppressive to her even when he meant to be kind, she foresaw, now he +was in wrath, would be imperious even to rudeness. Desirous, however, +to make one interview suffice for both, and to settle whatever business +might remain unfinished by letters, she again wrote to Mr Briggs, +whom she had not spirits to encounter without absolute necessity, and +informing him of Mr Delvile's delay, begged he would not trouble himself +to call till he heard from her again. + +Two days passed without any message from them; they were spent chiefly +alone, and very uncomfortably, Mr Monckton being content to see little +of her, while he knew she saw nothing of any body else. On the +third morning, weary of her own thoughts, weary of Lady Margaret's +ill-humoured looks, and still more weary of Miss Bennet's parasitical +conversation, she determined, for a little relief to the heaviness of +her mind, to go to her bookseller, and look over and order into the +country such new publications as seemed to promise her any pleasure. + +She sent therefore, for a chair, and glad to have devised for herself +any amusement, set out in it immediately. + +Upon entering the shop, she saw the Bookseller engaged in close +conference with a man meanly dressed, and much muffled up, who +seemed talking to him with uncommon earnestness, and just as she was +approaching, said, "To terms I am indifferent, for writing is no +labour to me; on the contrary, it is the first delight of my life, and +therefore, and not for dirty pelf, I wish to make it my profession." + +The speech struck Cecilia, but the voice struck her more, it was +Belfield's! and her amazement was so great, that she stopt short to look +at him, without heeding a man who attended her, and desired to know her +commands. + +The bookseller now perceiving her, came forward, and Belfield, turning +to see who interrupted them, started as if a spectre had crossed his +eyes, slapped his hat over his face, and hastily went out of the shop. + +Cecilia checking her inclination to speak to him, from observing his +eagerness to escape her, soon recollected her own errand, and employed +herself in looking over new books. + +Her surprize, however, at a change so sudden in the condition of this +young man, and at a declaration of a passion for writing, so opposite to +all the sentiments which he had professed at their late meeting in +the cottage, awakened in her a strong curiosity to be informed of his +situation; and after putting aside some books which she desired to have +packed up for her, she asked if the gentleman who had just left the +shop, and who, she found by what he had said, was an Author, had written +anything that was published with his name? + +"No, ma'am," answered the Bookseller, "nothing of any consequence; he +is known, however, to have written several things that have appeared as +anonymous; and I fancy, now, soon, we shall see something considerable +from him." + +"He is about some great work, then?" + +"Why no, not exactly that, perhaps, at present; we must feel our way, +with some little smart _jeu d'esprit_ before we undertake a great work. +But he is a very great genius, and I doubt not will produce something +extraordinary." + +"Whatever he produces," said Cecilia, "as I have now chanced to see him, +I shall be glad you will, at any time, send to me." + +"Certainly, ma'am; but it must be among other things, for he does not +chuse, just now to be known; and it is a rule in our business never to +tell people's names when they desire to be secret. He is a little out +of cash, just now, as you may suppose by his appearance, so instead of +buying books, he comes to sell them. However, he has taken a very good +road to bring himself home again, for we pay very handsomely for things +of any merit, especially if they deal smartly in a few touches of the +times." + +Cecilia chose not to risk any further questions, lest her knowledge of +him should be suspected, but got into her chair, and returned to Lady +Margaret's. + +The sight of Belfield reminded her not only of himself; the gentle +Henrietta again took her place in her memory, whence her various +distresses and suspences had of late driven from it everybody but +Delvile, and those whom Delvile brought into it. But her regard for +that amiable girl, though sunk in the busy scenes of her calamitous +uncertainties, was only sunk in her own bosom, and ready, upon their +removal, to revive with fresh vigour. She was now indeed more unhappy +than even in the period of her forgetfulness, yet her mind, was no +longer filled with the restless turbulence of hope, which still more +than despondency unfitted it for thinking of others. + +This remembrance thus awakened, awakened also a desire of renewing the +connection so long neglected. All scruples concerning Delvile had now +lost their foundation, since the doubts from which they arose were both +explained and removed: she was certain alike of his indifference to +Henrietta, and his separation from herself; she knew that nothing was +to be feared from painful or offensive rivalry, and she resolved, +therefore, to lose no time in seeking the first pleasure to which since +her disappointment she had voluntarily looked forward. + +Early in the evening, she told Lady Margaret she was going out for +an hour or two, and sending again for a chair, was carried to +Portland-street. + +She enquired for Miss Belfield, and was shewn into a parlour, where she +found her drinking tea with her mother, and Mr Hobson, their landlord. + +Henrietta almost screamed at her sight, from a sudden impulse of joy +and surprize, and, running up to her, flung her arms round her neck, +and embraced her with the most rapturous emotion: but then, drawing +back with a look of timidity and shame, she bashfully apologized for +her freedom, saying, "Indeed, dearest Miss Beverley, it is no want +of respect, but I am so very glad to see you it makes me quite forget +myself!" + +Cecilia, charmed at a reception so ingenuously affectionate, soon +satisfied her doubting diffidence by the warmest thanks that she had +preserved so much regard for her, and by doubling the kindness with +which she returned her caresses. + +"Mercy on me, madam," cried Mrs Belfield, who during this time had +been busily employed in sweeping the hearth, wiping some slops upon the +table, and smoothing her handkerchief and apron, "why the girl's enough +to smother you. Henny, how can you be so troublesome? I never saw you +behave in this way before." + +"Miss Beverley, madam," said Henrietta, again retreating, "is so kind as +to pardon me, and I was so much surprised at seeing her, that I hardly +knew what I was about." + +"The young ladies, ma'am," said Mr Hobson, "have a mighty way of +saluting one another till such time as they get husbands: and then +I'll warrant you they can meet without any salutation at all. That's my +remark, at least, and what I've seen of the world has set me upon making +it." + +This speech led Cecilia to check, however artless, the tenderness of +her fervent young friend, whom she was much teized by meeting in such +company, but who seemed not to dare understand the frequent looks which +she gave her expressive of a wish to be alone with her. + +"Come, ladies," continued the facetious Mr Hobson, "what if we were all +to sit down, and have a good dish of tea? and suppose, Mrs Belfield, +you was to order us a fresh round of toast and butter? do you think the +young ladies here would have any objection? and what if we were to have +a little more water in the tea-kettle? not forgetting a little more tea +in the teapot. What I say is this, let us all be comfortable; that's my +notion of things." + +"And a very good notion too," said Mrs Belfield, "for you who have +nothing to vex you. Ah, ma'am, you have heard, I suppose, about my son? +gone off! nobody knows where! left that lord's house, where he might +have lived like a king, and gone out into the wide world nobody knows +for what!" + +"Indeed?" said Cecilia, who, from seeing him in London concluded he was +again with his family, "and has he not acquainted you where he is?" + +"No, ma'am, no," cried Mrs Belfield, "he's never once told me where +he is gone, nor let me know the least about the matter, for if I did I +would not taste a dish of tea again for a twelvemonth till I saw him get +back again to that lord's! and I believe in my heart there's never such +another in the three kingdoms, for he has sent here after him I dare say +a score of times. And no wonder, for I will take upon me to say he won't +find his fellow in a hurry, Lord as he is." + +"As to his being a Lord," said Mr Hobson, "I am one of them that lay no +great stress upon that, unless he has got a good long purse of his own, +and then, to be sure, a Lord's no bad thing. But as to the matter of +saying Lord such a one, how d'ye do? and Lord such a one, what do you +want? and such sort of compliments, why in my mind, it's a mere nothing, +in comparison of a good income. As to your son, ma'am, he did not go +the right way to work. He should have begun with business, and gone into +pleasure afterwards and if he had but done that, I'll be bold to say we +might have had him at this very minute drinking tea with us over this +fireside." + +"My son, Sir," said Mrs Belfield, rather angrily, "was another sort of +a person than a person of business: he always despised it from a child, +and come of it what may, I am sure he was born to be a gentleman." + +"As to his despising business," said Mr Hobson, very contemptuously, +"why so much the worse, for business is no such despiseable thing. And +if he had been brought up behind a counter, instead of dangling after +these same Lords, why he might have had a house of his own over his +head, and been as good a man as myself." + +"A house over his head?" said Mrs Belfield, "why he might have had what +he would, and have done what he would, if he had but followed my advice, +and put himself a little forward. I have told him a hundred times to ask +some of those great people he lived amongst for a place at court, for I +know they've so many they hardly know what to do with them, and it was +always my design from the beginning that he should be something of a +great man; but I never could persuade him, though, for anything I know, +as I have often told him, if he had but had a little courage he might +have been an Ambassador by this time. And now, all of a sudden, to be +gone nobody knows where!"-- + +"I am sorry, indeed," said Cecilia, who knew not whether most to pity or +wonder at her blind folly; "but I doubt not you will hear of him soon." + +"As to being an Ambassador, ma'am," said Mr Hobson, "it's talking quite +out of character. Those sort of great people keep things of that kind +for their own poor relations and cousins. What I say is this; a man's +best way is to take care of himself. The more those great people see you +want them, the less they like your company. Let every man be brought up +to business, and then when he's made his fortune, he may walk with his +hat on. Why now there was your friend, ma'am," turning to Cecilia, "that +shot out his brains without paying any body a souse; pray how was that +being more genteel than standing behind a counter, and not owing a +shilling?" + +"Do you think a young lady," cried Mrs Belfield warmly, "can bear to +hear of such a thing as standing behind a counter? I am sure if my son +had ever done it, I should not expect any lady would so much as look at +him, And yet, though I say it, she might look a good while, and not see +many such persons, let her look where she pleased. And then he has such +a winning manner into the bargain, that I believe in my heart there's +never a lady in the land could say no to him. And yet he has such a +prodigious shyness, I never could make him own he had so much as asked +the question. And what lady can begin first?" + +"Why no," said Mr Hobson, "that would be out of character another way. +Now my notion is this; let every man be agreeable! and then he may ask +what lady he pleases. And when he's a mind of a lady, he should look +upon a frown or two as nothing; for the ladies frown in courtship as a +thing of course; it's just like a man swearing at a coachman; why he's +not a bit more in a passion, only he thinks he sha'n't be minded without +it." + +"Well, for my part," said Mrs Belfield, "I am sure if I was a young +lady, and most especially if I was a young lady of fortune, and all +that, I should like a modest young gentleman, such as my son, for +example, better by half than a bold swearing young fellow, that would +make a point to have me whether I would or no." + +"Ha! Ha! Ha!" cried Mr Hobson; "but the young ladies are not of that +way of thinking; they are all for a little life and spirit. Don't I say +right, young ladies?" + +Cecilia, who could not but perceive that these speeches was levelled at +herself, felt offended and tired; and finding she had no chance of any +private conversation with Henrietta, arose to take leave: but while +she stopped in the passage to enquire when she could see her alone, a +footman knocked at the door, who, having asked if Mr Belfield lodged +there, and been answered in the affirmative; begged to know whether Miss +Beverley was then in the house? + +Cecilia, much surprised, went forward, and told him who she was. + +"I have been, madam," said he, "with a message to you at Mr Monckton's, +in Soho-Square: but nobody knew where you was; and Mr Monckton came out +and spoke to me himself, and said that all he could suppose was that you +might be at this house. So he directed me to come here." + +"And from whom, Sir, is your message?" + +"From the honourable Mr Delvile, madam, in St James's-Square. He desires +to know if you shall be at home on Saturday morning, the day after +to-morrow, and whether you can appoint Mr Briggs to meet him by twelve +o'clock exactly, as he sha'n't be able to stay above three minutes." + +Cecilia gave an answer as cold as the message; that she would be in +Soho-Square at the time he mentioned, and acquaint Mr Briggs of his +intention. + +The footman then went away; and Henrietta told her, that if she could +call some morning she might perhaps contrive to be alone with her, and +added, "indeed I wish much to see you, if you could possibly do me so +great an honour; for I am very miserable, and have nobody to tell so! +Ah, Miss Beverley! you that have so many friends, and that deserve as +many again, you little know what a hard thing it is to have none!--but +my brother's strange disappearing has half broke our hearts!" + +Cecilia was beginning a consolatory speech, in which she meant to +give her private assurances of his health and safety, when she was +interrupted by Mr Albany, who came suddenly into the passage. + +Henrietta received him with a look of pleasure, and enquired why he +had so long been absent; but, surprised by the sight of Cecilia, he +exclaimed, without answering her, "why didst thou fail me? why +appoint me to a place thou wert quitting thyself?--thou thing of fair +professions! thou inveigler of esteem! thou vain, delusive promiser of +pleasure!" + +"You condemn me too hastily," said Cecilia; "if I failed in my promise, +it was not owing to caprice or insincerity, but to a real and bitter +misfortune which incapacitated me from keeping it. I shall soon, +however,--nay, I am already at your disposal, if you have any commands +for me." + +"I have always," answered he, "commands for the rich, for I have always +compassion for the poor." + +"Come to me, then, at Mr Monckton's in Soho-Square," cried she, and +hastened into her chair, impatient to end a conference which she saw +excited the wonder of the servants, and which also now drew out from +the parlour Mr Hobson and Mrs Belfield. She then kissed her hand to +Henrietta, and ordered the chairmen to carry her home. + +It had not been without difficulty that she had restrained herself from +mentioning what she knew of Belfield, when she found his mother and +sister in a state of such painful uncertainty concerning him. But her +utter ignorance of his plans, joined to her undoubted knowledge of his +wish of concealment, made her fear doing mischief by officiousness, +and think it wiser not to betray what she had seen of him, till better +informed of his own views and intentions. Yet, willing to shorten a +suspence so uneasy to them, she determined to entreat Mr Monckton would +endeavour to find him out, and acquaint him with their anxiety. + +That gentleman, when she returned to his house, was in a state of mind +by no means enviable. Missing her at tea, he had asked Miss Bennet where +she was, and hearing she had not left word, he could scarce conceal his +chagrin. Knowing, however, how few were her acquaintances in town, +he soon concluded she was with Miss Belfield, but, not satisfied with +sending Mr Delvile's messenger after her, he privately employed one +in whom he trusted for himself, to make enquiries at the house without +saying whence he came. + +But though this man was returned, and he knew her safety, he still felt +alarmed; he had flattered himself, from the length of time in which she +had now done nothing without consulting him, she would scarce even think +of any action without his previous concurrence. And he had hoped, by a +little longer use, to make his counsel become necessary, which he knew +to be a very short step from rendering it absolute. + +Nor was he well pleased to perceive, by this voluntary excursion, +a struggle to cast off her sadness, and a wish to procure herself +entertainment: it was not that he desired her misery, but he was earnest +that all relief from it should spring from himself: and though far from +displeased that Delvile should lose his sovereignty over her thoughts, +he was yet of opinion that, till his own liberty was restored, he had +less to apprehend from grief indulged, than grief allayed; one could +but lead her to repining retirement, the other might guide her to a +consolatory rival. + +He well knew, however, it was as essential to his cause to disguise his +disappointments as his expectations, and, certain that by pleasing +alone he had any chance of acquiring power, he cleared up when Cecilia +returned, who as unconscious of feeling, as of owing any subjection to +him, preserved uncontrolled the right of acting for herself, however +desirous and glad of occasional instruction. + +She told him where she had been, and related her meeting Belfield, and +the unhappiness of his friends, and hinted her wish that he could be +informed what they suffered. Mr Monckton, eager to oblige her, went +instantly in search of him, and returning to supper, told her he had +traced him through the Bookseller, who had not the dexterity to parry +his artful enquiries, and had actually appointed him to breakfast in +Soho-Square the next morning. + +He had found him, he said, writing, but in high spirits and good humour. +He had resisted, for a while, his invitation on account of his dress, +all his clothes but the very coat which he had on being packed up and +at his mother's: but, when laughed at by Mr Monckton for still +retaining some foppery, he gaily protested what remained of it should +be extinguished; and acknowledging that his shame was no part of his +philosophy, declared he would throw it wholly aside, and, in spite of +his degradation, renew his visits at his house. + +"I would not tell him," Mr Monckton continued, "of the anxiety of his +family; I thought it would come more powerfully from yourself, who, +having seen, can better enforce it." + +Cecilia was very thankful for this compliance with her request, and +anticipated the pleasure she hoped soon to give Henrietta, by the +restoration of a brother so much loved and so regretted. + +She sent, mean time, to Mr Briggs the message she had received from Mr +Delvile, and had the satisfaction of an answer that he would observe the +appointment. + + + +CHAPTER iii. + +A CONFABULATION. + +The next morning, while the family was at breakfast, Belfield, according +to his promise, made his visit. + +A high colour overspread his face as he entered the room, resulting from +a sensation of grief at his fallen fortune, and shame at his altered +appearance, which though he endeavoured to cover under an air of +gaiety and unconcern, gave an awkwardness to his manners, and a visible +distress to his countenance: Mr Monckton received him with pleasure, and +Cecilia, who saw the conflict of his philosophy with his pride, dressed +her features once more in smiles, which however faint and heartless, +shewed her desire to reassure him. Miss Bennet, as usual when not called +upon by the master or lady of the house, sat as a cypher; and Lady +Margaret, always disagreeable and repulsive to the friends of her +husband, though she was not now more than commonly ungracious, struck +the quick-feeling and irritable Belfield, to wear an air of rude +superiority meant to reproach him with his disgrace. + +This notion, which strongly affected him, made him, for one instant, +hesitate whether he should remain another in the same room with her: but +the friendliness of Mr Monckton, and the gentleness and good breeding of +Cecilia, seemed so studious to make amends for her moroseness, that he +checked his too ready indignation, and took his seat at the table. Yet +was it some time before he could recover even the assumed vivacity which +this suspected insult had robbed him of, sufficiently to enter into +conversation with any appearance of ease or pleasure. But, after +a while, soothed by the attentions of Cecilia and Mr Monckton, his +uneasiness wore off, and the native spirit and liveliness of his +character broke forth with their accustomed energy. + +"This good company, I hope," said he, addressing himself, however, only +to Cecilia, "will not so much _mistake the thing_ as to criticise my +dress of this morning; since it is perfectly according to rule, and to +rule established from time immemorial: but lest any of you should +so much err as to fancy shabby what is only characteristic, I must +endeavour to be beforehand with the malice of conjecture, and have the +honour to inform you, that I am enlisted in the Grub-street regiment, of +the third story, and under the tattered banner of scribbling volunteers! +a race which, if it boasts not the courage of heroes, at least equals +them in enmity. This coat, therefore, is merely the uniform of my +corps, and you will all, I hope, respect it as emblematical of wit and +erudition." + +"We must at least respect you," said Cecilia, "who thus gaily can sport +with it." + +"Ah, madam!" said he, more seriously, "it is not from you I ought +to look for respect! I must appear to you the most unsteady and +coward-hearted of beings. But lately I blushed to see you from poverty, +though more worthily employed than when I had been seen by you in +affluence; that shame vanquished, another equally narrow took its place, +and yesterday I blushed again that you detected me in a new pursuit, +though I had only quitted my former one from a conviction it was ill +chosen. There seems in human nature a worthlessness not to be conquered! +yet I will struggle with it to the last, and either die in the attempt, +or dare seem that which I am, without adding to the miseries of life, +the sting, the envenomed sting of dastardly false shame!" + +"Your language is wonderfully altered within this twelvemonth," said Mr +Monckton; "_the worthlessness of human nature_! the _miseries of +life_! this from you! so lately the champion of human nature, and the +panegyrist of human life!" + +"Soured by personal disappointment," answered he, "I may perhaps speak +with too much acrimony; yet, ultimately, my opinions have not much +changed. Happiness is given to us with more liberality than we are +willing to confess; it is judgment only that is dealt us sparingly, and +of that we have so little, that when felicity is before us, we turn +to the right or left, or when at the right or left, we proceed strait +forward. It has been so with me; I have sought it at a distance, amidst +difficulty and danger, when all that I could wish has been immediately +within my grasp." + +"It must be owned," said Mr Monckton, "after what you have suffered from +this world you were wont to defend, there is little reason to wonder at +some change in your opinion." + +"Yet whatever have been my sufferings," he answered, "I have generally +been involved in them by my own rashness or caprice. My last enterprise +especially, from which my expectations were highest, was the most +ill-judged of any. I considered not how little my way of life had fitted +me for the experiment I was making, how irreparably I was enervated +by long sedentary habits, and how insufficient for bodily strength +was mental resolution. We may fight against partial prejudices, and by +spirit and fortitude we may overcome them; but it will not do to war +with the general tenor of education. We may blame, despise, regret as we +please, but customs long established, and habits long indulged, assume +an empire despotic, though their power is but prescriptive. Opposing +them is vain; Nature herself, when forced aside, is not more elastic in +her rebound." + +"Will you not then," said Cecilia, "since your experiment has failed, +return again to your family, and to the plan of life you formerly +settled?" + +"You speak of them together," said he, with a smile, "as if you thought +them inseparable; and indeed my own apprehension they would be +deemed so, has made me thus fear to see my friends, since I love not +resistance, yet cannot again attempt the plan of life they would have me +pursue. I have given up my cottage, but my independence is as dear to me +as ever; and all that I have gathered from experience, is to maintain +it by those employments for which my education has fitted me, instead of +seeking it injudiciously by the very road for which it has unqualified +me." + +"And what is this independence," cried Mr Monckton, "which has thus +bewitched your imagination? a mere idle dream of romance and enthusiasm; +without existence in nature, without possibility in life. In uncivilised +countries, or in lawless times, independence, for a while, may perhaps +stalk abroad; but in a regular government, 'tis only the vision of a +heated brain; one part of a community must inevitably hang upon another, +and 'tis a farce to call either independent, when to break the chain by +which they are linked would prove destruction to both. The soldier wants +not the officer more than the officer the soldier, nor the tenant +the landlord, more than the landlord the tenant. The rich owe their +distinction, their luxuries, to the poor, as much as the poor owe their +rewards, their necessaries, to the rich." + +"Man treated as an Automaton," answered Belfield, "and considered merely +with respect to his bodily operations, may indeed be called dependent, +since the food by which he lives, or, rather, without which he +dies, cannot wholly be cultivated and prepared by his own hands: but +considered in a nobler sense, he deserves not the degrading epithet; +speak of him, then, as a being of feeling and understanding, with pride +to alarm, with nerves to tremble, with honour to satisfy, and with a +soul to be immortal!--as such, may he not claim the freedom of his own +thoughts? may not that claim be extended to the liberty of speaking, +and the power of being governed by them? and when thoughts, words, and +actions are exempt from controul, will you brand him with dependency +merely because the Grazier feeds his meat, and the Baker kneads his +bread?" + +"But who is there in the whole world," said Mr Monckton, "extensive +as it is, and dissimilar as are its inhabitants, that can pretend to +assert, his thoughts, words, and actions, are exempt from controul? even +where interest, which you so much disdain, interferes not,--though where +that is I confess I cannot tell!--are we not kept silent where we wish +to reprove by the fear of offending? and made speak where we wish to be +silent by the desire of obliging? do we not bow to the scoundrel as low +as to the man of honour? are we not by mere forms kept standing when +tired? made give place to those we despise? and smiles to those we hate? +or if we refuse these attentions, are we not regarded as savages, and +shut out of society?" + +"All these," answered Belfield, "are so merely matters of ceremony, that +the concession can neither cost pain to the proud, nor give pleasure to +the vain. The bow is to the coat, the attention is to the rank, and the +fear of offending ought to extend to all mankind. Homage such as this +infringes not our sincerity, since it is as much a matter of course as +the dress that we wear, and has as little reason to flatter a man as the +shadow which follows him. I no more, therefore, hold him deceitful for +not opposing this pantomimical parade, than I hold him to be dependent +for eating corn he has not sown." + +"Where, then, do you draw the line? and what is the boundary beyond +which your independence must not step?" + +"I hold that man," cried he, with energy, "to be independent, who treats +the Great as the Little, and the Little as the Great, who neither exults +in riches nor blushes in poverty, who owes no man a groat, and who +spends not a shilling he has not earned." + +"You will not, indeed, then, have a very numerous acquaintance, if this +is the description of those with whom you purpose to associate! but is +it possible you imagine you can live by such notions? why the Carthusian +in his monastery, who is at least removed from temptation, is not +mortified so severely as a man of spirit living in the world, who would +prescribe himself such rules." + +"Not merely have I prescribed," returned Belfield, "I have already put +them in practice; and far from finding any pennance, I never before +found happiness. I have now adopted, though poor, the very plan of life +I should have elected if rich; my pleasure, therefore, is become my +business, and my business my pleasure." + +"And is this plan," cried Monckton, "nothing more than turning +Knight-errant to the Booksellers?" + +"'Tis a Knight-errantry," answered Belfield, laughing, "which, however +ludicrous it may seem to you, requires more soul and more brains than +any other. Our giants may, indeed, be only windmills, but they must be +attacked with as much spirit, and conquered with as much bravery, as +any fort or any town, in time of war [to] be demolished; and though the +siege, I must confess, may be of less national utility, the assailants +of the quill have their honour as much at heart as the assailants of the +sword." + +"I suppose then," said Monckton, archly, "if a man wants a biting +lampoon, or an handsome panegyric, some newspaper scandal, or a sonnet +for a lady--" + +"No, no," interrupted Belfield eagerly, "if you imagine me a hireling +scribbler for the purposes of defamation or of flattery, you as little +know my situation as my character. My subjects shall be my own, and my +satire shall be general. I would as much disdain to be personal with an +anonymous pen, as to attack an unarmed man in the dark with a dagger I +had kept concealed." + +A reply of rallying incredulity was rising to the lips of Mr Monckton, +when reading in the looks of Cecilia an entire approbation of this +sentiment, he checked his desire of ridicule, and exclaimed, "spoken +like a man of honour, and one whose works may profit the world!" + +"From my earliest youth to the present hour," continued Belfield, +"literature has been the favourite object of my pursuit, my recreation +in leisure, and my hope in employment. My propensity to it, indeed, +has been so ungovernable, that I may properly call it the source of my +several miscarriages throughout life. It was the bar to my preferment, +for it gave me a distaste to other studies; it was the cause of my +unsteadiness in all my undertakings, because to all I preferred it. +It has sunk me to distress, it has involved me in difficulties; it +has brought me to the brink of ruin by making me neglect the means +of living, yet never, till now, did I discern it might itself be my +support." + +"I am heartily glad, Sir," said Cecilia, "your various enterprizes and +struggles have at length ended in a project which promises you so much +satisfaction. But you will surely suffer your sister and your mother +to partake of it? for who is there that your prosperity will make so +happy?" + +"You do them infinite honour, madam, by taking any interest in their +affairs; but to own to you the truth, what to me appears prosperity, +will to them wear another aspect. They have looked forward to my +elevation with expectations the most improbable, and thought everything +within my grasp, with a simplicity incredible. But though their hopes +were absurd, I am pained by their disappointment, and I have not courage +to meet their tears, which I am sure will not be spared when they see +me." + +"'Tis from tenderness, then," said Cecilia, half smiling, "that you are +cruel, and from affection to your friends that you make them believe you +have forgotten them?" + +There was a delicacy in this reproach exactly suited to work upon +Belfield, who feeling it with quickness, started up, and cried, "I +believe I am wrong!--I will go to them this moment!" + +Cecilia felt eager to second the generous impulse; but Mr Monckton, +laughing at his impetuosity, insisted he should first finish his +breakfast. + +"Your friends," said Cecilia, "can have no mortification so hard to bear +as your voluntary absence; and if they see but that you are happy, they +will soon be reconciled to whatever situation you may chuse." + +"Happy!" repeated he, with animation, "Oh I am in Paradise! I am come +from a region in the first rude state of nature, to civilization and +refinement! the life I led at the cottage was the life of a savage; no +intercourse with society, no consolation from books; my mind locked up, +every source dried of intellectual delight, and no enjoyment in my power +but from sleep and from food. Weary of an existence which thus levelled +me with a brute, I grew ashamed of the approximation, and listening to +the remonstrance of my understanding, I gave up the precipitate plan, to +pursue one more consonant to reason. I came to town, hired a room, and +sent for pen, ink and paper: what I have written are trifles, but the +Bookseller has not rejected them. I was settled, therefore, in a moment, +and comparing my new occupation with that I had just quitted, I seemed +exalted on the sudden from a mere creature of instinct, to a rational +and intelligent being. But when first I opened a book, after so long +an abstinence from all mental nourishment,--Oh it was rapture! no +half-famished beggar regaled suddenly with food, ever seized on his +repast with more hungry avidity." + +"Let fortune turn which way it will," cried Monckton, "you may defy all +its malice, while possessed of a spirit of enjoyment which nothing can +subdue!" + +"But were you not, Sir," said Cecilia, "as great an enthusiast the other +day for your cottage, and for labour?" + +"I was, madam; but there my philosophy was erroneous: in my ardour +to fly from meanness and from dependence, I thought in labour and +retirement I should find freedom and happiness; but I forgot that my +body was not seasoned for such work, and considered not that a +mind which had once been opened by knowledge, could ill endure the +contraction of dark and perpetual ignorance. The approach, however, of +winter, brought me acquainted with my mistake. It grew cold, it grew +bleak; little guarded against the inclemency of the ----, I felt its +severity in every limb, and missed a thousand indulgencies which in +possession I had never valued. To rise at break of day, chill, freezing, +and comfortless! no sun abroad, no fire at home! to go out in all +weather to work, that work rough, coarse, and laborious!--unused to such +hardships, I found I could not bear them, and, however unwillingly, was +compelled to relinquish the attempt." + +Breakfast now being over, he again arose to take leave. + +"You are going, then, Sir," said Cecilia, "immediately to your friends?" + +"No, madam," answered he hesitating, "not just this moment; to-morrow +morning perhaps,--but it is now late, and I have business for the rest +of the day." + +"Ah, Mr Monckton!" cried Cecilia, "what mischief have you done by +occasioning this delay!" + +"This goodness, madam," said Belfield, "my sister can never sufficiently +acknowledge. But I will own, that though, just now, in a warm moment, I +felt eager to present myself to her and my mother, I rather wish, now I +am cooler, to be saved the pain of telling them in person my situation. +I mean, therefore, first to write to them." + +"You will not fail, then, to see them to-morrow?" + +"Certainly--I think not." + +"Nay, but certainly you _must_ not, for I shall call upon them to-day, +and assure them they may expect you. Can I soften your task of writing +by giving them any message from you?" + +"Ah, madam, have a care!" cried he; "this condescension to a poor author +may be more dangerous than you have any suspicion! and before you have +power to help yourself, you may see your name prefixed to the Dedication +of some trumpery pamphlet!" + +"I will run," cried she, "all risks; remember, therefore, you will be +responsible for the performance of my promise." + +"I will be sure," answered he, "not to forget what reflects so much +honour upon myself." + +Cecilia was satisfied by this assent, and he then went away. + +"A strange flighty character!" cried Mr Monckton, "yet of uncommon +capacity, and full of genius. Were he less imaginative, wild and +eccentric, he has abilities for any station, and might fix and +distinguish himself almost where-ever he pleased." + +"I knew not," said Cecilia, "the full worth of steadiness and prudence +till I knew this young man; for he has every thing else; talents the +most striking, a love of virtue the most elevated, and manners the most +pleasing; yet wanting steadiness and prudence, he can neither act with +consistency nor prosper with continuance." + +"He is well enough," said Lady Margaret, who had heard the whole +argument in sullen taciturnity, "he is well enough, I say; and there +comes no good from young women's being so difficult." + +Cecilia, offended by a speech which implied a rude desire to dispose +of her, went up stairs to her own room; and Mr Monckton, always enraged +when young men and Cecilia were alluded to in the same sentence, retired +to his library. + +She then ordered a chair, and went to Portland-street, to fulfil what +she had offered to Belfield, and to revive his mother and sister by the +pleasure of the promised interview. + +She found them together: and her intelligence being of equal consequence +to both, she did not now repine at the presence of Mrs Belfield. +She made her communication with the most cautious attention to their +characters, softening the ill she had to relate with respect to +Belfield's present way of living, by endeavouring to awaken affection +and joy from the prospect of the approaching meeting. She counselled +them as much as possible to restrain their chagrin at his misfortunes, +which he would but construe into reproach of his ill management; and +she represented that when once he was restored to his family, he might +almost imperceptibly be led into some less wild and more profitable +scheme of business. + +When she had told all she thought proper to relate, kindly interspersing +her account with the best advice and best comfort she could suggest, +she made an end of her visit; for the affliction of Mrs Belfield +upon hearing the actual situation of her son, was so clamorous and +unappeaseable, that, little wondering at Belfield's want of courage to +encounter it, and having no opportunity in such a storm to console the +soft Henrietta, whose tears flowed abundantly that her brother should +thus be fallen, she only promised before she left town to see her again, +and beseeching Mrs Belfield to moderate her concern, was glad to leave +the house, where her presence had no power to quiet their distress. + +She passed the rest of the day in sad reflections upon the meeting +she was herself to have the next morning with Mr Delvile. She wished +ardently to know whether his son was gone abroad, and whether Mrs +Delvile was recovered, whose health, in her own letter, was mentioned in +terms the most melancholy: yet neither of these enquiries could she even +think of making, since reasonably, without them, apprehensive of some +reproach. + + + +CHAPTER iv. + +A WRANGLING. + +Mr Monckton, the next day, as soon as breakfast was over, went out, +to avoid showing, even to Cecilia, the anxiety he felt concerning the +regulation of her fortune, and arrangement of her affairs. He strongly, +however, advised her not to mention her large debt, which, though +contracted in the innocence of the purest benevolence, would incur +nothing but reproof and disapprobation, from all who only heard of it, +when they heard of its inutility. + +At eleven o'clock, though an hour before the time appointed, while +Cecilia was sitting in Lady Margaret's dressing room, "with sad civility +and an aching head," she was summoned to Mr Briggs in the parlour. + +He immediately began reproaching her with having eloped from him, in the +summer, and with the various expences she had caused him from useless +purchases and spoilt provisions. He then complained of Mr Delvile, whom +he charged with defrauding him of his dues; but observing in the midst +of his railing her dejection of countenance, he suddenly broke off, and +looking at her with some concern, said, "what's the matter, Ducky? a'n't +well? look as if you could not help it." + +"O yes," cried Cecilia, "I thank you, Sir, I am very well." + +"What do you look so blank for, then?" said he, "bay? what are fretting +for?--crossed in love?--lost your sweetheart?" + +"No, no, no," cried she, with quickness. + +"Never mind, my chick, never mind," said he, pinching her cheek, with +resumed good humour, "more to be had; if one won't snap, another will; +put me in a passion by going off from me with that old grandee, or would +have got one long ago. Hate that old Don; used me very ill; wish I could +trounce him. Thinks more of a fusty old parchment than the price of +stocks. Fit for nothing but to be stuck upon an old monument for a +Death's head." + +He then told her that her accounts were all made out, and he was ready +at any time to produce them; he approved much of her finishing wholly +with the _old Don_, who had been a mere cypher in the executorship; but +he advised her not to think of taking her money into her own hands, as +he was willing to keep the charge of it himself till she was married. + +Cecilia, thanking him for the offer, said she meant now to make her +acknowledgments for all the trouble he had already taken, but by no +means purposed to give him any more. + +He debated the matter with her warmly, told her she had no chance to +save herself from knaves and cheats, but by trusting to nobody but +himself, and informing her what interest he had already made of her +money, enquired how she would set about getting more? + +Cecilia, though prejudiced against him by Mr Monckton, knew not how to +combat his arguments; yet conscious that scarce any part of the money +to which he alluded was in fact her own, she could not yield to them. +He was, however, so stubborn and so difficult to deal with, that she at +length let him talk without troubling herself to answer, and privately +determined to beg Mr Monckton would fight her battle. + +She was not, therefore, displeased by his interruption, though very much +surprised by the sight of his person, when, in the midst of Mr Briggs's +oratory, Mr Hobson entered the parlour. + +"I ask pardon, ma'am," cried he, "if I intrude; but I made free to call +upon the account of two ladies that are acquaintances of yours, that are +quite, as one may say, at their wit's ends." + +"What is the matter with them, Sir?" + +"Why, ma'am, no great matter, but mothers are soon frightened, and when +once they are upon the fret, one may as well talk to the boards! they +know no more of reasoning and arguing, than they do of a shop ledger! +however, my maxim is this; every body in their way; one has no more +right to expect courageousness from a lady in them cases, than one has +from a child in arms; for what I say is, they have not the proper use of +their heads, which makes it very excusable." + +"But what has occasioned any alarm? nothing, I hope, is the matter with +Miss Belfield?" + +"No, ma'am; thank God, the young lady enjoys her health very well: but +she is taking on just in the same way as her mamma, as what can be more +natural? Example, ma'am, is apt to be catching, and one lady's crying +makes another think she must do the same, for a little thing serves for +a lady's tears, being they can cry at any time: but a man is quite of +another nature, let him but have a good conscience, and be clear of the +world, and I'll engage he'll not wash his face without soap! that's what +I say!" + +"Will, will!" cried Mr Briggs, "do it myself! never use soap; nothing +but waste; take a little sand; does as well." + +"Let every man have his own proposal;" answered Hobson; "for my part, I +take every morning a large bowl of water, and souse my whole head in it; +and then when I've rubbed it dry, on goes my wig, and I am quite fresh +and agreeable: and then I take a walk in Tottenham Court Road as far as +the Tabernacle, or thereabouts, and snuff in a little fresh country +air, and then I come back, with a good wholesome appetite, and in a fine +breathing heat, asking the young lady's pardon; and I enjoy my pot of +fresh tea, and my round of hot toast and butter, with as good a relish +as if I was a Prince." + +"Pot of fresh tea," cried Briggs, "bring a man to ruin; toast and +butter! never suffer it in my house. Breakfast on water-gruel, sooner +done; fills one up in a second. Give it my servants; can't eat much of +it. Bob 'em there!" nodding significantly. + +"Water-gruel!" exclaimed Mr Hobson, "why I could not get it down if I +might have the world for it! it would make me quite sick, asking the +young lady's pardon, by reason I should always think I was preparing for +the small-pox. My notion is quite of another nature; the first thing I +do is to have a good fire; for what I say is this, if a man is cold in +his fingers, it's odds if ever he gets warm in his purse! ha! ha! warm, +you take me, Sir? I mean a pun. Though I ought to ask pardon, for I +suppose the young lady don't know what I am a saying." + +"I should indeed be better pleased, Sir," said Cecilia, "to hear what +you have to say about Miss Belfield." + +"Why, ma'am, the thing is this; we have been expecting the young +'Squire, as I call him, all the morning, and he has never come; so Mrs +Belfield, not knowing where to send after him, was of opinion he might +be here, knowing your kindness to him, and that." + +"You make the enquiry at the wrong place, Sir," said Cecilia, much +provoked by the implication it conveyed; "if Mr Belfield is in this +house, you must seek him with Mr Monckton." + +"You take no offence, I hope, ma'am, at my just asking of the question? +for Mrs Belfield crying, and being in that dilemma, I thought I could +do no less than oblige her by coming to see if the young gentleman was +here." + +"What's this? what's this?" cried Mr Briggs eagerly; "who are talking +of? hay?--who do mean? is this the sweet heart? eh, Duck?" + +"No, no, Sir," cried Cecilia. + +"No tricks! won't be bit! who is it? will know; tell me, I say!" + +"_I'll_ tell Sir," cried Mr Hobson; "it's a very handsome young +gentleman, with as fine a person, and as genteel a way of behaviour, and +withal, as pretty a manner of dressing himself, and that, as any lady +need desire. He has no great head for business, as I am told, but the +ladies don't stand much upon that topic, being they know nothing of it +themselves." + +"Has got the ready?" cried Mr Briggs, impatiently; "can cast an account? +that's the point; can come down handsomely? eh?" + +"Why as to that, Sir, I'm not bound to speak to a gentleman's private +affairs. What's my own, is my own, and what is another person's, is +another person's; that's my way of arguing, and that's what I call +talking to the purpose." + +"Dare say he's a rogue! don't have him, chick. Bet a wager i'n't +worth two shillings; and that will go for powder and pomatum; hate a +plaistered pate; commonly a numscull: love a good bob-jerom." + +"Why this is talking quite wide of the mark," said Mr Hobson, "to +suppose a young lady of fortunes would marry a man with a bob-jerom. +What I say is, let every body follow their nature; that's the way to be +comfortable; and then if they pay every one his own, who's a right to +call 'em to account, whether they wear a bob-jerom, or a pig-tail down +to the calves of their legs?" + +"Ay, ay," cried Briggs, sneeringly, "or whether they stuff their gullets +with hot rounds of toast and butter." + +"And what if they do, Sir?" returned Hobson, a little angrily; "when a +man's got above the world, where's the harm of living a little genteel? +as to a round of toast and butter, and a few oysters, fresh opened, by +way of a damper before dinner, no man need be ashamed of them, provided +he pays as he goes: and as to living upon water-gruel, and scrubbing +one's flesh with sand, one might as well be a galley-slave at once. You +don't understand life, Sir, I see that." + +"Do! do!" cried Briggs, speaking through his shut teeth; "you're out +there! oysters!--come to ruin, tell you! bring you to jail!" + +"To jail, Sir?" exclaimed Hobson, "this is talking quite ungenteel! let +every man be civil; that's what I say, for that's the way to make every +thing agreeable but as to telling a man he'll go to jail, and that, it's +tantamount to affronting him." + +A rap at the street-door gave now a new relief to Cecilia, who began to +grow very apprehensive lest the delight of spending money, thus warmly +contested with that of hoarding it, should give rise to a quarrel, +which, between two such sturdy champions for their own opinions, might +lead to a conclusion rather more rough and violent than she desired to +witness: but when the parlour-door opened, instead of Mr Delvile, whom +she now fully expected, Mr Albany made his entrance. + +This was rather distressing, as her real business with her guardians +made it proper her conference with them should be undisturbed: and +Albany was not a man with whom a hint that she was engaged could be +risked: but she had made no preparation to guard against interruption, +as her little acquaintance in London had prevented her expecting any +visitors. + +He advanced with a solemn air to Cecilia, and, looking as if hardly +determined whether to speak with severity or gentleness, said, "once +more I come to prove thy sincerity; now wilt thou go with me where +sorrow calls thee? sorrow thy charity can mitigate?" + +"I am very much concerned," she answered, "but indeed at present it is +utterly impossible." + +"Again," cried he, with a look at once stern and disappointed, "again +thou failest me? what wanton trifling! why shouldst thou thus elate a +worn-out mind, only to make it feel its lingering credulity? or why, +teaching me to think I had found an angel, so unkindly undeceive me?" + +"Indeed," said Cecilia, much affected by this reproof, "if you knew how +heavy a loss I had personally suffered--" + +"I do know it," cried he, "and I grieved for thee when I heard it. Thou +hast lost a faithful old friend, a loss which with every setting sun +thou mayst mourn, for the rising sun will never repair it! but was that +a reason for shunning the duties of humanity? was the sight of death a +motive for neglecting the claims of benevolence? ought it not rather to +have hastened your fulfilling them? and should not your own suffering +experience of the brevity of life, have taught you the vanity of all +things but preparing for its end?" + +"Perhaps so, but my grief at that time made me think only of myself." + +"And of what else dost thou think now?" + +"Most probably of the same person still!" said she, half smiling, "but +yet believe me, I have real business to transact." + +"Frivolous, unmeaning, ever-ready excuses! what business is so important +as the relief of a fellow-creature?" + +"I shall not, I hope, there," answered she, with alacrity, "be backward; +but at least for this morning I must beg to make you my Almoner." + +She then took out her purse. + +Mr Briggs and Mr Hobson, whose quarrel had been suspended by the +appearance of a third person, and who had stood during this short +dialogue in silent amazement, having first lost their anger in their +mutual consternation, now lost their consternation in their mutual +displeasure Mr. Hobson felt offended to hear business spoken of +slightly, and Mr Briggs felt enraged at the sight of Cecilia's ready +purse. Neither of them, however, knew which way to interfere, the +stem gravity of Albany, joined to a language too lofty for their +comprehension, intimidating them both. They took, however, the relief of +communing with one another, and Mr Hobson said in a whisper "This, you +must know, is, I am told, a very particular old gentleman; quite what I +call a genius. He comes often to my house, to see my lodger Miss Henny +Belfield, though I never happen to light upon him myself, except once in +the passage: but what I hear of him is this; he makes a practice, as +one may say, of going about into people's houses, to do nothing but find +fault." + +"Shan't get into mine!" returned Briggs, "promise him that! don't half +like him; be bound he's an old sharper." + +Cecilia, mean time, enquired what he desired to have. + +"Half a guinea," he answered. + +"Will that do?" + +"For those who have nothing," said he, "it is much. Hereafter, you may +assist them again. Go but and see their distresses, and you will wish to +give them every thing." + +Mr Briggs now, when actually between her fingers he saw the half +guinea, could contain no longer; he twitched the sleeve of her gown, and +pinching her arm, with a look of painful eagerness, said in a whisper +"Don't give it! don't let him have it! chouse him, chouse him! nothing +but an old bite!" + +"Pardon me, Sir," said Cecilia, in a low voice, "his character is very +well known to me." And then, disengaging her arm from him, she presented +her little offering. + +At this sight, Mr Briggs was almost outrageous, and losing in his wrath, +all fear of the stranger, he burst forth with fury into the following +outcries, "Be ruined! see it plainly; be fleeced! be stript! be robbed! +won't have a gown to your back! won't have a shoe to your foot! won't +have a rag in the world! be a beggar in the street! come to the parish! +rot in a jail!--half a guinea at a time!--enough to break the Great +Mogul!" + +"Inhuman spirit of selfish parsimony!" exclaimed Albany, "repinest thou +at this loan, given from thousands to those who have worse than nothing? +who pay to-day in hunger for bread they borrowed yesterday from pity? +who to save themselves from the deadly pangs of famine, solicit but what +the rich know not when they possess, and miss not when they give?" + +"Anan!" cried Briggs, recovering his temper from the perplexity of +his understanding, at a discourse to which his ears were wholly +unaccustomed, "what d'ye say?" + +"If to thyself distress may cry in vain," continued Albany, "if thy own +heart resists the suppliant's prayer, callous to entreaty, and hardened +in the world, suffer, at least, a creature yet untainted, who melts +at sorrow, and who glows with charity, to pay from her vast wealth a +generous tax of thankfulness, that fate has not reversed her doom, and +those whom she relieves, relieve not her!" + +"Anan!" was again all the wondering Mr Briggs could say. + +"Pray, ma'am," said Mr Hobson, to Cecilia, "if it's no offence, was the +Gentleman ever a player?" + +"I fancy not, indeed!" + +"I ask pardon, then, ma'am; I mean no harm; but my notion was the +gentleman might be speaking something by heart." + +"Is it but on the stage, humanity exists?" cried Albany, indignantly; +"Oh thither hasten, then, ye monopolizers of plenty! ye selfish, +unfeeling engrossers of wealth, which ye dissipate without enjoying, +and of abundance, which ye waste while ye refuse to distribute! thither, +thither haste, if there humanity exists!" + +"As to engrossing," said Mr Hobson, happy to hear at last a word with +which he was familiar, "it's what I never approved myself. My maxim is +this; if a man makes a fair penny, without any underhand dealings, why +he has as much a title to enjoy his pleasure as the Chief Justice, or +the Lord Chancellor: and it's odds but he's as happy as a greater man. +Though what I hold to be best of all, is a clear conscience, with a neat +income of 2 or 3000 a year. That's my notion; and I don't think it's a +bad one." + +"Weak policy of short-sighted ignorance!" cried Albany, "to wish for +what, if used, brings care, and if neglected, remorse! have you not now +beyond what nature craves? why then still sigh for more?" + +"Why?" cried Mr Briggs, who by dint of deep attention began now better +to comprehend him, "why to buy in, to be sure! ever hear of stocks, eh? +know any thing of money?" + +"Still to make more and more," cried Albany, "and wherefore? to spend in +vice and idleness, or hoard in chearless misery! not to give succour +to the wretched, not to support the falling; all is for self, +however little wanted, all goes to added stores, or added luxury; no +fellow-creature served, nor even one beggar relieved!" + +"Glad of it!" cried Briggs, "glad of it; would not have 'em relieved; +don't like 'em; hate a beggar; ought to be all whipt; live upon +spunging." + +"Why as to a beggar, I must needs say," cried Mr Hobson, "I am by no +means an approver of that mode of proceeding; being I take 'em all for +cheats: for what I say is this, what a man earns, he earns, and it's no +man's business to enquire what he spends, for a free-born Englishman is +his own master by the nature of the law, and as to his being a subject, +why a duke is no more, nor a judge, nor the Lord High Chancellor, and +the like of those; which makes it tantamount to nothing, being he is +answerable to nobody by the right of Magna Charta: except in cases of +treason, felony, and that. But as to a beggar, it's quite another thing; +he comes and asks me for money; but what has he to shew for it? what +does he bring me in exchange? why a long story that he i'n't worth a +penny! what's that to me? nothing at all. Let every man have his own; +that's my way of arguing." + +"Ungentle mortals!" cried Albany, "in wealth exulting; even in +inhumanity! think you these wretched outcasts have less sensibility +than yourselves? think you, in cold and hunger, they lose those feelings +which even in voluptuous prosperity from time to time disturb you? you +say they are all cheats? 'tis but the niggard cant of avarice, to lure +away remorse from obduracy. Think you the naked wanderer begs from +choice? give him your wealth and try." + +"Give him a whip!" cried Briggs, "sha'n't have a souse! send him to +Bridewell! nothing but a pauper; hate 'em; hate 'em all! full of tricks; +break their own legs, put out their arms, cut off their fingers, snap +their own ancles,--all for what? to get at the chink! to chouse us of +cash! ought to be well flogged; have 'em all sent to the Thames; worse +than the Convicts." + +"Poor subterfuge of callous cruelty! you cheat yourselves, to shun the +fraud of others! and yet, how better do you use the wealth so guarded? +what nobler purpose can it answer to you, than even a chance to snatch +some wretch from sinking? think less how _much_ ye save, and more +for _what_; and then consider how thy full coffers may hereafter make +reparation, for the empty catalogue of thy virtues." + +"Anan!" said Mr Briggs, again lost in perplexity and wonder. + +"Oh yet," continued Albany, turning towards Cecilia, "preach not here +the hardness which ye practice; rather amend yourselves than corrupt +her; and give with liberality what ye ought to receive with gratitude!" + +"This is not my doctrine," cried Hobson; "I am not a near man, neither, +but as to giving at that rate, it's quite out of character. I have as +good a right to my own savings, as to my own gettings; and what I say +is this, who'll give to _me_? let me see that, and it's quite another +thing: and begin who will, I'll be bound to go on with him, pound for +pound, or pence for pence. But as to giving to them beggars, it's what +I don't approve; I pay the poor's rate, and that's what I call charity +enough for any man. But for the matter of living well, and spending +one's money handsomely, and having one's comforts about one, why it's a +thing of another nature, and I can say this for myself, and that is, +I never grudged myself any thing in my life. I always made myself +agreeable, and lived on the best. That's my way." + +"Bad way too," cried Briggs, "never get on with it, never see beyond +your nose; won't be worth a plum while your head wags!" then, taking +Cecilia apart, "hark'ee, my duck," he added, pointing to Albany, "who is +that Mr Bounce, eh? what is he?" + +"I have known him but a short time, Sir; but I think of him very +highly." + +"Is he a _good_ man? that's the point, is he a _good_ man?" + +"Indeed he appears to me uncommonly benevolent and charitable." + +"But that i'n't the thing; is he _warm_? that's the point, is he +_warm_?" + +"If you mean _passionate_," said Cecilia, "I believe the energy of his +manner is merely to enforce what he says." + +"Don't take me, don't take me," cried he, impatiently; "can come down +with the ready, that's the matter; can chink the little gold boys? eh?" + +"Why I rather fear not by his appearance; but I know nothing of his +affairs." + +"What does come for? eh? come a courting?" + +"Mercy on me, no!" + +"What for then? only a spunging?" + +"No, indeed. He seems to have no wish but to assist and plead for +others." + +"All fudge! think he i'n't touched? ay, ay; nothing but a trick! only to +get at the chink: see he's as poor as a rat, talks of nothing but giving +money; a bad sign! if he'd got any, would not do it. Wanted to make +us come down; warrant thought to bam us all! out there! a'n't so soon +gulled." + +A knock at the street door gave now a new interruption, and Mr Delvile +at length appeared. + +Cecilia, whom his sight could not fail to disconcert, felt doubly +distressed by the unnecessary presence of Albany and Hobson; she +regretted the absence of Mr Monckton, who could easily have taken them +away; for though without scruple she could herself have acquainted Mr +Hobson she had business, she dreaded offending Albany, whose esteem she +was ambitious of obtaining. + +Mr Delvile entered the room with an air stately and erect; he took off +his hat, but deigned not to make the smallest inclination of his head, +nor offered any excuse to Mr Briggs for being past the hour of his +appointment: but having advanced a few paces, without looking either +to the right or left, said, "as I have never acted, my coming may not, +perhaps, be essential; but as my name is in the Dean's Will, and I have +once or twice met the other executors mentioned in it, I think it a duty +I owe to my own heirs to prevent any possible future enquiry or trouble +to them." + +This speech was directly addressed to no one, though meant to be +attended to by every one, and seemed proudly uttered as a mere apology +to himself for not having declined the meeting. + +Cecilia, though she recovered from her confusion by the help of her +aversion to this self-sufficiency, made not any answer. Albany retired +to a corner of the room; Mr Hobson began to believe it was time for him +to depart; and Mr Briggs thinking only of the quarrel in which he had +separated with Mr Delvile in the summer, stood swelling with venom, +which he longed for an opportunity to spit out. + +Mr Delvile, who regarded this silence as the effect of his awe-inspiring +presence, became rather more complacent; but casting his eyes round the +room, and perceiving the two strangers, he was visibly surprised, and +looking at Cecilia for some explanation, seemed to stand suspended from +the purpose of his visit till he heard one. + +Cecilia, earnest to have the business concluded, turned to Mr Briggs, +and said, "Sir, here is pen and ink: are you to write, or am I? or what +is to be done?" + +"No, no," said he, with a sneer, "give it t'other; all in our turn; +don't come before his Grace the Right Honourable Mr Vampus." + +"Before whom, Sir?" said Mr Delvile, reddening. + +"Before my Lord Don Pedigree," answered Briggs, with a spiteful grin, +"know him? eh? ever hear of such a person?" + +Mr Delvile coloured still deeper, but turning contemptuously from him, +disdained making any reply. + +Mr Briggs, who now regarded him as a defeated man, said exultingly to Mr +Hobson, "what do stand here for?--hay?--fall o' your marrowbones; don't +see 'Squire High and Mighty?" + +"As to falling on my marrowbones," answered Mr Hobson, "it's what I +shall do to no man, except he was the King himself, or the like of that, +and going to make me Chancellor of the Exchequer, or Commissioner of +Excise. Not that I mean the gentleman any offence; but a man's a man, +and for one man to worship another is quite out of law." + +"Must, must!" cried Briggs, "tell all his old grand-dads else: keeps 'em +in a roll; locks 'em in a closet; says his prayers to 'em; can't live +without 'em: likes 'em better than cash!--wish had 'em here! pop 'em all +in the sink!" + +"If your intention, Sir," cried Mr Delvile, fiercely, "is only to insult +me, I am prepared for what measures I shall take. I declined seeing you +in my own house, that I might not be under the same restraint as when it +was my unfortunate lot to meet you last." + +"Who cares?" cried Briggs, with an air of defiance, "what can do, eh? +poke me into a family vault? bind me o' top of an old monument? tie +me to a stinking carcase? make a corpse of me, and call it one of your +famous cousins?--" + +"For heaven's sake, Mr Briggs," interrupted Cecilia, who saw that Mr +Delvile, trembling with passion, scarce refrained lifting up his stick, +"be appeased, and let us finish our business!" + +Albany now, hearing in Cecilia's voice the alarm with which she was +seized, came forward and exclaimed, "Whence this unmeaning dissension? +to what purpose this irritating abuse? Oh vain and foolish! live ye so +happily, last ye so long, that time and peace may thus be trifled with?" + +"There, there!" cried Briggs, holding up his finger at Mr Delvile, "have +it now! got old Mr Bounce upon you! give you enough of it; promise you +that!" + +"Restrain," continued Albany, "this idle wrath; and if ye have ardent +passions, employ them to nobler uses; let them stimulate acts of virtue, +let them animate deeds of beneficence! Oh waste not spirits that may +urge you to good, lead you to honour, warm you to charity, in poor and +angry words, in unfriendly, unmanly debate!" + +Mr Delvile, who from the approach of Albany, had given him his whole +attention, was struck with astonishment at this address, and almost +petrified with wonder at his language and exhortations. + +"Why I must own," said Mr Hobson, "as to this matter I am much of the +same mind myself; for quarreling's a thing I don't uphold; being it +advances one no way; for what I say is this, if a man gets the better, +he's only where he was before, and if he gets worsted, why it's odds but +the laugh's against him: so, if I may make bold to give my verdict, I +would have one of these gentlemen take the other by the hand, and so +put an end to bad words. That's my maxim, and that's what I call being +agreeable." + +Mr Delvile, at the words _one of these gentlemen take the other by the +hand_, looked scornfully upon Mr Hobson, with a frown that expressed his +highest indignation, at being thus familiarly coupled with Mr Briggs. +And then, turning from him to Cecilia, haughtily said, "Are these +two persons," pointing towards Albany and Hobson, "waiting here to be +witnesses to any transaction?" + +"No, Sir, no," cried Hobson, "I don't mean to intrude, I am going +directly. So you can give me no insight, ma'am," addressing Cecilia, "as +to where I might light upon Mr Belfield?" + +"Me? no!" cried she, much provoked by observing that Mr Delvile suddenly +looked at her. + +"Well, ma'am, well, I mean no harm: only I hold it that the right way to +hear of a young gentleman, is to ask for him of a young lady: that's my +maxim. Come, Sir," to Mr Briggs, "you and I had like to have fallen out, +but what I say is this; let no man bear malice; that's my way: so I hope +we part without ill blood?" + +"Ay, ay;" said Mr Briggs, giving him a nod. + +"Well, then," added Hobson, "I hope the good-will may go round, and that +not only you and I, but these two good old gentlemen will also lend a +hand." + +Mr Delvile now was at a loss which way to turn for very rage; but after +looking at every one with a face flaming with ire, he said to Cecilia, +"If you have collected together these persons for the purpose of +affronting me, I must beg you to remember I am not one to be affronted +with impunity!" + +Cecilia, half frightened, was beginning an answer that disclaimed any +such intention, when Albany, with the most indignant energy, called out, +"Oh pride of heart, with littleness of soul! check this vile arrogance, +too vain for man, and spare to others some part of that lenity thou +nourishest for thyself, or justly bestow on thyself that contempt thou +nourishest for others!" + +And with these words he sternly left the house. + +The thunderstruck Mr Delvile began now to fancy that all the demons +of torment were designedly let loose upon him, and his surprise and +resentment operated so powerfully that it was only in broken sentences +he could express either. "Very extraordinary!--a new method of +conduct!--liberties to which I am not much used!--impertinences I shall +not hastily forget,--treatment that would scarce be pardonable to a +person wholly unknown!--" + +"Why indeed, Sir," said Hobson, "I can't but say it was rather a cut up; +but the old gentleman is what one may call a genius, which makes it a +little excusable; for he does things all his own way, and I am told it's +the same thing who he speaks to, so he can but find fault, and that." + +"Sir," interrupted the still more highly offended Mr Delvile, "what +_you_ may be told is extremely immaterial to _me_; and I must take the +liberty to hint to you, a conversation of this easy kind is not what I +am much in practice in hearing." + +"Sir, I ask pardon," said Hobson, "I meant nothing but what was +agreeable; however, I have done, and I wish you good day. Your humble +servant, ma'am, and I hope, Sir," to Mr Briggs, "you won't begin bad +words again?" + +"No, no," said Briggs, "ready to make up; all at end; only don't much +like _Spain_, that's all!" winking significantly, "nor a'n't over fond +of a _skeleton_!" + +Mr Hobson now retired; and Mr Delvile and Mr Briggs, being both wearied +and both in haste to have done, settled in about five minutes all for +which they met, after passing more than an hour in agreeing what that +was. + +Mr Briggs then, saying he had an engagement upon business, declined +settling his own accounts till another time, but promised to see Cecilia +again soon, and added, "be sure take care of that old Mr Bounce! cracked +in the noddle; see that with half an eye! better not trust him! break +out some day: do you a mischief!" + +He then went away: but while the parlour-door was still open, to the no +little surprise of Cecilia, the servant announced Mr Belfield. He hardly +entered the room, and his countenance spoke haste and eagerness. "I have +this moment, madam," he said, "been informed a complaint has been lodged +against me here, and I could not rest till I had the honour of assuring +you, that though I have been rather dilatory, I have not neglected my +appointment, nor has the condescension of your interference been thrown +away." + +He then bowed, shut the door, and ran off Cecilia, though happy to +understand by this speech that he was actually restored to his family, +was sorry at these repeated intrusions in the presence of Mr Delvile, +who was now the only one that remained. + +She expected every instant that he would ring for his chair, which he +kept in waiting; but, after a pause of some continuance, to her equal +surprise and disturbance, he made the following speech. "As it is +probable I am now for the last time alone with you, ma'am, and as it is +certain we shall meet no more upon business, I cannot, in justice to my +own character, and to the respect I retain for the memory of the Dean, +your uncle, take a final leave of the office with which he was pleased +to invest me, without first fulfilling my own ideas of the duty it +requires from me, by giving you some counsel relating to your future +establishment." + +This was not a preface much to enliven Cecilia; it prepared her for such +speeches as she was least willing to hear, and gave to her the mixt and +painful sensation of spirits depressed, with ride alarmed. + +"My numerous engagements," he continued, "and the appropriation of my +time, already settled, to their various claims, must make me brief in +what I have to represent, and somewhat, perhaps, abrupt in coming to the +purpose. But that you will excuse." + +Cecilia disdained to humour this arrogance by any compliments or +concessions: she was silent, therefore; and when they were both seated, +he went on. + +"You are now at a time of life when it is natural for young women to +wish for some connection: and the largeness of your fortune will remove +from you such difficulties as prove bars to the pretensions, in this +expensive age, of those who possess not such advantages. It would have +been some pleasure to me, while I yet considered you as my Ward, to have +seen you properly disposed of: but as that time is past, I can only give +you some general advice, which you may follow or neglect as you think +fit. By giving it, I shall satisfy myself; for the rest, I am not +responsible." + +He paused; but Cecilia felt less and less inclination to make use of the +opportunity by speaking in her turn. + +"Yet though, as I just now hinted, young women of large fortunes may +have little trouble in finding themselves establishments, they ought +not, therefore, to trifle when proper ones are in their power, nor to +suppose themselves equal to any they may chance to desire." + +Cecilia coloured high at this pointed reprehension; but feeling her +disgust every moment encrease, determined to sustain herself with +dignity, and at least not suffer him to perceive the triumph of his +ostentation and rudeness. + +"The proposals," he continued, "of the Earl of Ernolf had always my +approbation; it was certainly an ill-judged thing to neglect such an +opportunity of being honourably settled. The clause of the name was, to +_him_, immaterial; since his own name half a century ago was unheard of, +and since he is himself only known by his title. He is still, however, +I have authority to acquaint you, perfectly well disposed to renew his +application to you." + +"I am sorry, Sir," said Cecilia coldly, "to hear it." + +"You have, perhaps, some other better offer in view?" + +"No, Sir," cried she, with spirit, "nor even in desire." + +"Am I, then, to infer that some inferior offer has more chance of your +approbation?" + +"There is no reason, Sir, to infer any thing; I am content with my +actual situation, and have, at present, neither prospect nor intention +of changing it." + +"I perceive, but without surprise, your unwillingness to discuss +the subject; nor do I mean to press it: I shall merely offer to your +consideration one caution, and then relieve you from my presence. Young +women of ample fortunes, who are early independent, are sometimes apt +to presume they may do every thing with impunity; but they are mistaken; +they are as liable to censure as those who are wholly unprovided for." + +"I hope, Sir," said Cecilia, staring, "this at least is a caution rather +drawn from my situation than my behaviour?" + +"I mean not, ma'am, narrowly to go into, or investigate the subject; +what I have said you may make your own use of; I have only to observe +further, that when young women, at your time of life, are at all +negligent of so nice a thing as reputation, they commonly live to repent +it." + +He then arose to go, but Cecilia, not more offended than amazed, said, +"I must beg, Sir, you will explain yourself!" + +"Certainly this matter," he answered, "must be immaterial to _me_: yet, +as I have once been your guardian by the nomination of the Dean +your uncle, I cannot forbear making an effort towards preventing any +indiscretion: and frequent visits to a young man--" + +"Good God! Sir," interrupted Cecilia, "what is it you mean?" + +"It can certainly, as I said before, be nothing to _me_, though I should +be glad to see you in better hands: but I cannot suppose you have been +led to take such steps without some serious plan; and I would advise +you, without loss of time, to think better of what you are about." + +"Should I think, Sir, to eternity," cried Cecilia, "I could never +conjecture what you mean!" + +"You may not chuse," said he, proudly, "to understand me; but I have +done. If it had been in my power to have interfered in your service with +my Lord Derford, notwithstanding my reluctance to being involved in any +fresh employment, I should have made a point of not refusing it: but +this young man is nobody,--a very imprudent connection--" + +"What young man, Sir?" + +"Nay, _I_ know nothing of him! it is by no means likely I should: but as +I had already been informed of your attention to him, the corroborating +incidents of my servant's following you to his house, his friend's +seeking him at yours, and his own waiting upon you this morning; were +not well calculated to make me withdraw my credence to it." + +"Is it, then, Mr Belfield, Sir, concerning whom you draw these +inferences, from circumstances the most accidental and unmeaning?" + +"It is by no means my practice," cried he, haughtily, and with evident +marks of high displeasure at this speech, "to believe any thing lightly, +or without even unquestionable authority; what once, therefore, I have +credited, I do not often find erroneous. Mistake not, however, what I +have said into supposing I have any objection to your marrying; on the +contrary, it had been for the honour of my family had you been married a +year ago I should not then have suffered the degradation of seeing a son +of the first expectations in the kingdom upon the point of renouncing +his birth, nor a woman of the first distinction ruined in her health, +and broken for ever in her constitution." + +The emotions of Cecilia at this speech were too powerful for +concealment; her colour varied, now reddening with indignation, now +turning pale with apprehension; she arose, she trembled and sat down, +she arose again, but not knowing what to say or what to do, again sat +down. + +Mr Delvile then, making a stiff bow, wished her good morning. + +"Go not so, Sir!" cried she, in faltering accents; "let me at least +convince you of the mistake with regard to Mr Belfield--" + +"My mistakes, ma'am," said he, with a contemptuous smile, "are perhaps +not easily convicted: and I may possibly labour under others that +would give you no less trouble: it may therefore be better to avoid any +further disquisition." + +"No, not better," answered she, again recovering her courage from this +fresh provocation; "I fear no disquisition; on the contrary, it is my +interest to solicit one." + +"This intrepidity in a young woman," said he, ironically, "is certainly +very commendable; and doubtless, as you are your own mistress, your +having run out great part of your fortune, is nothing beyond what you +have a right to do." + +"Me!" cried Cecilia, astonished, "run out great part of my fortune!" + +"Perhaps that is another _mistake_! I have not often been so +unfortunate; and you are not, then, in debt?" + +"In debt, Sir?" + +"Nay, I have no intention to inquire into your affairs. Good morning to +you, ma'am." + +"I beg, I entreat, Sir, that you will stop!--make me, at least, +understand what you mean, whether you deign to hear my justification or +not." + +"O, I am mistaken, it seems! misinformed, deceived; and you have neither +spent more than you have received, nor taken up money of Jews? your +minority has been clear of debts? and your fortune, now you are of age, +will be free from incumbrances?" + +Cecilia, who now began to understand him, eagerly answered, "do you +mean, Sir, the money which I took up last spring?" + +"O no; by no means, I conceive the whole to be a _mistake_!" + +And he went to the door. + +"Hear me but a moment, Sir!" cried she hastily, following him; "since +you know of that transaction, do not refuse to listen to its occasion; I +took up the money for Mr Harrel; it was all, and solely for him." + +"For Mr Harrel, was it?" said he, with an air of supercilious +incredulity; "that was rather an unlucky step. Your servant, ma'am." + +And he opened the door. + +"You will not hear me, then? you will not credit me?" cried she in the +cruellest agitation. + +"Some other time, ma'am; at present my avocations are too numerous to +permit me." + +And again, stiffly bowing, he called to his servants, who were waiting +in the hall, and put himself into his chair. + + + +CHAPTER v. + +A SUSPICION. + +Cecilia was now left in a state of perturbation that was hardly to be +endured. The contempt with which she had been treated during the whole +visit was nothing short of insult, but the accusations with which it was +concluded did not more irritate than astonish her. + +That some strange prejudice had been taken against her, even more than +belonged to her connection with young Delvile, the message brought her +by Dr Lyster had given her reason to suppose: what that prejudice was +she now knew, though how excited she was still ignorant; but she found +Mr Delvile had been informed she had taken up money of a Jew, without +having heard it was for Mr Harrel, and that he had been acquainted with +her visits in Portland-street, without seeming to know Mr Belfield had +a sister. Two charges such as these, so serious in their nature, and so +destructive of her character, filled her with horror and consternation, +and even somewhat served to palliate his illiberal and injurious +behaviour. + +But how reports thus false and thus disgraceful should be raised, and by +what dark work of slander and malignity they had been spread, remained a +doubt inexplicable. They could not, she was certain, be the mere rumour +of chance, since in both the assertions there was some foundation of +truth, however cruelly perverted, or basely over-charged. + +This led her to consider how few people there were not only who had +interest, but who had power to propagate such calumnies; even her +acquaintance with the Belfields she remembered not ever mentioning, +for she knew none of their friends, and none of her own knew them. How, +then, should it be circulated, that she "visited often at the house?" +however be invented that it was from her "attention to the young man?" +Henrietta, she was sure, was too good and too innocent to be guilty of +such perfidy; and the young man himself had always shewn a modesty and +propriety that manifested his total freedom from the vanity of such a +suspicion, and an elevation of sentiment that would have taught him to +scorn the boast, even if he believed the partiality. + +The mother, however, had neither been so modest nor so rational; she had +openly avowed her opinion that Cecilia was in love with her son; and as +that son, by never offering himself, had never been refused, her opinion +had received no check of sufficient force, for a mind so gross and +literal, to change it. + +This part, therefore, of the charge she gave to Mrs Belfield, whose +officious and loquacious forwardness she concluded had induced her to +narrate her suspicions, till, step by step, they had reached Mr Delvile. + +But though able, by the probability of this conjecture, to account for +the report concerning Belfield, the whole affair of the debt remained a +difficulty not to be solved. Mr Harrel, his wife, Mr Arnott, the Jew and +Mr Monckton, were the only persons to whom the transaction was known; +and though from five, a secret, in the course of so many months, might +easily be supposed likely to transpire, those five were so particularly +bound to silence, not only for her interest but their own, that it was +not unreasonable to believe it as safe among them all, as if solely +consigned to one. For herself, she had revealed it to no creature but Mr +Monckton; not even to Delvile; though, upon her consenting to marry him, +he had an undoubted right to be acquainted with the true state of +her affairs; but such had been the hurry, distress, confusion and +irresolution of her mind at that period, that this whole circumstance +had been driven from it entirely, and she had, since, frequently +blamed herself for such want of recollection. Mr Harrel, for a thousand +reasons, she was certain had never named it; and had the communication +come from his widow or from Mr Arnott, the motives would have been +related as well as the debt, and she had been spared the reproach of +contracting it for purposes of her own extravagance. The Jew, indeed, +was, to her, under no obligation of secrecy, but he had an obligation +far more binding,--he was tied to himself. + +A suspicion now arose in her mind which made it thrill with horror; +"good God! she exclaimed, can Mr Monckton---" + +She stopt, even to herself;--she checked the idea;--she drove it hastily +from her;--she was certain it was false and cruel,--she hated herself +for having started it. + +"No," cried she, "he is my friend, the confirmed friend of many years, +my well-wisher from childhood, my zealous counsellor and assistant +almost from my birth to this hour:--such perfidy from him would not even +be human!" + +Yet still her perplexity was undiminished; the affair was undoubtedly +known, and it only could be known by the treachery of some one entrusted +with it: and however earnestly her generosity combated her rising +suspicions, she could not wholly quell them; and Mr Monckton's strange +aversion to the Delviles, his earnestness to break off her connexion +with them, occurred to her remembrance, and haunted her perforce with +surmises to his disadvantage. + +That gentleman, when he came home, found her in this comfortless and +fluctuating state, endeavouring to form conjectures upon what had +happened, yet unable to succeed, but by suggestions which one moment +excited her abhorrence of him, and the next of herself. + +He enquired, with his usual appearance of easy friendliness, into what +had passed with her two guardians, and how she had settled her affairs. +She answered without hesitation all his questions, but her manner was +cold and reserved, though her communication was frank. + +This was not unheeded by Mr Monckton, who, after a short time, begged to +know if any thing had disturbed her. + +Cecilia, ashamed of her doubts, though unable to get rid of them, then +endeavoured to brighten up, and changed the subject to the difficulties +she had had to encounter from the obstinacy of Mr Briggs. + +Mr Monckton for a while humoured this evasion; but when, by her +own exertion, her solemnity began to wear off, he repeated his +interrogatory, and would not be satisfied without an answer. + +Cecilia, earnest that surmises so injurious should be removed, then +honestly, but without comments, related the scene which had just past +between Mr Delvile and herself. + +No comments were, however, wanting to explain to Mr Monckton the change +of her behaviour. "I see," he cried hastily, "what you cannot but +suspect; and I will go myself to Mr Delvile, and insist upon his +clearing me." + +Cecilia, shocked to have thus betrayed what was passing within her, +assured him his vindication required not such a step, and begged he +would counsel her how to discover this treachery, without drawing from +her concern at it a conclusion so offensive to himself. + +He was evidently, however, and greatly disturbed; he declared his own +wonder equal to hers how the affair had been betrayed, expressed the +warmest indignation at the malevolent insinuations against her conduct, +and lamented with mingled acrimony and grief, that there should exist +even the possibility of casting the odium of such villainy upon himself. + +Cecilia, distressed, perplexed, and ashamed at once, again endeavoured +to appease him, and though a lurking doubt obstinately clung to her +understanding, the purity of her own principles, and the softness of her +heart, pleaded strongly for his innocence, and urged her to detest her +suspicion, though to conquer it they were unequal. + +"It is true," said he, with an air ingenuous though mortified, "I +dislike the Delviles, and have always disliked them; they appear to me +a jealous, vindictive, and insolent race, and I should have thought I +betrayed the faithful regard I professed for you, had I concealed my +opinion when I saw you in danger of forming an alliance with them; I +spoke to you, therefore, with honest zeal, thoughtless of any enmity I +might draw upon myself; but though it was an interference from which I +hoped, by preventing the connection, to contribute to your happiness, +it was not with a design to stop it at the expence of your character,--a +design black, horrible, and diabolic! a design which must be formed by a +Daemon, but which even a Daemon could never, I think, execute!" + +The candour of this speech, in which his aversion to the Delviles was +openly acknowledged, and rationally justified, somewhat quieted the +suspicions of Cecilia, which far more anxiously sought to be confuted +than confirmed: she began, therefore, to conclude that some accident, +inexplicable as unfortunate, had occasioned the partial discovery to Mr +Delvile, by which her own goodness proved the source of her defamation: +and though something still hung upon her mind that destroyed that firm +confidence she had hitherto felt in the friendship of Mr Monckton, she +held it utterly unjust to condemn him without proof, which she was not +more unable to procure, than to satisfy herself with any reason why so +perfidiously he should calumniate her. + +Comfortless, however, and tormented with conjectures equally vague and +afflicting, she could only clear him to be lost in perplexity, she could +only accuse him to be penetrated with horror. She endeavoured to suspend +her judgment till time should develop the mystery, and only for the +present sought to finish her business and leave London. + +She renewed, therefore, again, the subject of Mr Briggs, and told him +how vain had been her effort to settle with him. Mr Monckton instantly +offered his services in assisting her, and the next morning they went +together to his house, where, after an obstinate battle, they gained +a complete victory: Mr Briggs gave up all his accounts, and, in a few +days, by the active interference of Mr Monckton, her affairs were wholly +taken out of his hands. He stormed, and prophesied all ill to Cecilia, +but it was not to any purpose; he was so disagreeable to her, by his +manners, and so unintelligible to her in matters of business, that +she was happy to have done with him; even though, upon inspecting his +accounts, they were all found clear and exact, and his desire to retain +his power over her fortune, proved to have no other motive than a love +of money so potent, that to manage it, even for another, gave him a +satisfaction he knew not how to relinquish. + +Mr Monckton, who, though a man of pleasure, understood business +perfectly well, now instructed and directed her in making a general +arrangement of her affairs. The estate which devolved to her from her +uncle, and which was all in landed property, she continued to commit to +the management of the steward who was employed in his life-time; and +her own fortune from her father, which was all in the stocks, she now +diminished to nothing by selling out to pay Mr Monckton the principal +and interest which she owed him, and by settling with her Bookseller. + +While these matters were transacting, which, notwithstanding her +eagerness to leave town, could not be brought into such a train as to +permit her absence in less than a week, she passed her time chiefly +alone. Her wishes all inclined her to bestow it upon Henrietta, but +the late attack of Mr Delvile had frightened her from keeping up +that connection, since however carefully she might confine it to the +daughter, Mrs Belfield, she was certain, would impute it all to the son. + +That attack rested upon her mind, in defiance of all her endeavours +to banish it; the contempt with which it was made seemed intentionally +offensive, as if he had been happy to derive from her supposed ill +conduct, a right to triumph over as well as reject her. She concluded, +also, that Delvile would be informed of these calumnies, yet she judged +his generosity by her own, and was therefore convinced he would not +credit them: but what chiefly at this time encreased her sadness and +uneasiness, was the mention of Mrs Delvile's broken constitution +and ruined health. She had always preserved for that lady the most +affectionate respect, and could not consider herself as the cause of her +sufferings, without feeling the utmost concern, however conscious she +had not wilfully occasioned them. + +Nor was this scene the only one by which her efforts to forget this +family were defeated; her watchful monitor, Albany, failed not again to +claim her promise; and though Mr Monckton earnestly exhorted her not to +trust herself out with him, she preferred a little risk to the keenness +of his reproaches, and the weather being good on the morning that he +called, she consented to accompany him in his rambles: only charging her +footman to follow where-ever they went, and not to fail enquiring for +her if she stayed long out of his sight. These precautions were rather +taken to satisfy Mr Monckton than herself, who, having now procured +intelligence of the former disorder of his intellects, was fearful of +some extravagance, and apprehensive for her safety. + +He took her to a miserable house in a court leading into Piccadilly, +where, up three pair of stairs, was a wretched woman ill in bed, while a +large family of children were playing in the room. + +"See here," cried he, "what human nature can endure! look at that poor +wretch, distracted with torture, yet lying in all this noise! unable to +stir in her bed, yet without any assistant! suffering the pangs of acute +disease, yet wanting the necessaries of life!" + +Cecilia went up to the bed-side, and enquired more particularly into the +situation of the invalid; but finding she could hardly speak from pain, +she sent for the woman of the house, who kept a Green Grocer's shop on +the ground floor, and desired her to hire a nurse for her sick lodger, +to call all the children down stairs, and to send for an apothecary, +whose bill she promised to pay. She then gave her some money to get what +necessaries might be wanted, and said she would come again in two days +to see how they went on. + +Albany, who listened to these directions with silent, yet eager +attention, now clasped both his hands with a look of rapture, and +exclaimed "Virtue yet lives,--and I have found her?" + +Cecilia, proud of such praise, and ambitious to deserve it, chearfully +said, "where, Sir, shall we go now?" + +"Home;" answered he with an aspect the most benign; "I will not wear out +thy pity by rendering woe familiar to it." + +Cecilia, though at this moment more disposed for acts of charity than +for business or for pleasure, remembered that her fortune however large +was not unlimited, and would not press any further bounty for objects +she knew not, certain that occasions and claimants, far beyond her +ability of answering, would but too frequently arise among those with +whom she was more connected, she therefore yielded herself to his +direction, and returned to Soho-Square. + +Again, however, he failed not to call the time she had appointed for +re-visiting the invalid, to whom, with much gladness, he conducted her. + +The poor woman, whose disease was a rheumatic fever, was already much +better; she had been attended by an apothecary who had given her some +alleviating medicine; she had a nurse at her bedside, and the room being +cleared of the children, she had had the refreshment of some sleep. + +She was now able to raise her head, and make her acknowledgments to her +benefactress; but not a little was the surprise of Cecilia, when, upon +looking in her face, she said, "Ah, madam, I have seen you before!" + +Cecilia, who had not the smallest recollection of her, in return desired +to know when, or where? + +"When you were going to be married, madam, I was the Pew-Opener at ---- +Church." + +Cecilia started with secret horror, and involuntarily retreated from the +bed; while Albany with a look of astonishment exclaimed, "Married!--why, +then, is it unknown?" + +"Ask me not!" cried she, hastily; "it is all a mistake." + +"Poor thing!" cried he, "this, then, is the string thy nerves endure not +to have touched! sooner will I expire than a breath of mine shall make +it vibrate! Oh sacred be thy sorrow, for thou canst melt at that of the +indigent!" + +Cecilia then made a few general enquiries, and heard that the poor +woman, who was a widow, had been obliged to give up her office, from +the frequent attacks which she suffered of the rheumatism; that she had +received much assistance both from the Rector and the Curate of ---- +Church, but her continual illness, with the largeness of her family, +kept her distressed in spite of all help. + +Cecilia promised to consider what she could do for her, and then giving +her more money, returned to Lady Margaret's. + +Albany, who found that the unfortunate recollection of the Pew-Opener +had awakened in his young pupil a melancholy train of reflections, +seemed now to compassionate the sadness which hitherto he had reproved, +and walking silently by her side till she came to Soho-Square, said +in accents of kindness, "Peace light upon thy head, and dissipate thy +woes!" and left her. + +"Ah when!" cried she to herself, "if thus they are to be revived +for-ever!" + +Mr Monckton, who observed that something had greatly affected her, now +expostulated warmly against Albany and his wild schemes; "You trifle +with your own happiness," he cried, "by witnessing these scenes of +distress, and you will trifle away your fortune upon projects you can +never fulfil: the very air in those miserable houses is unwholesome for +you to breathe; you will soon be affected with some of the diseases to +which you so uncautiously expose yourself, and while not half you give +in charity will answer the purpose you wish, you will be plundered by +cheats and sharpers till you have nothing left to bestow. You must be +more considerate for yourself, and not thus governed by Albany, whose +insanity is but partially cured, and whose projects are so boundless, +that the whole capital of the East India Company would not suffice to +fulfil them." + +Cecilia, though she liked not the severity of this remonstrance, +acknowledged there was some truth in it, and promised to be discreet, +and take the reins into her own hands. + +There remained for her, however, no other satisfaction; and the path +which had thus been pointed out to her, grew more and more alluring +every step. Her old friends, the poor Hills, now occurred to her memory, +and she determined to see herself in what manner they went on. + +The scene which this enquiry presented to her, was by no means +calculated to strengthen Mr Monckton's doctrine, for the prosperity in +which she found this little family, amply rewarded the liberality she +had shewn to it, and proved an irresistible encouragement to similar +actions. Mrs Hill wept for joy in recounting how well she succeeded, +and Cecilia, delighted by the power of giving such pleasure, forgot all +cautions and promises in the generosity which she displayed. She paid +Mrs Roberts the arrears that were due to her, she discharged all that +was owing for the children who had been put to school, desired they +might still be sent to it solely at her expense, and gave the mother a +sum of money to be laid out in presents for them all. + +To perform her promise with the Pew Opener was however more difficult; +her ill health, and the extreme youth of her children making her utterly +helpless: but these were not considerations for Cecilia to desert her, +but rather motives for regarding her as more peculiarly an object +of charity. She found she had once been a clear starcher, and was a +tolerable plain work-woman; she resolved, therefore, to send her into +the country, where she hoped to be able to get her some business, and +knew that at least, she could help her, if unsuccessful, and see that +her children were brought up to useful employments. The woman herself +was enchanted at the plan, and firmly persuaded the country air would +restore her health. Cecilia told her only to wait till she was well +enough to travel, and promised, in the mean time, to look out some +little habitation for her. She then gave her money to pay her bills, and +for her journey, and writing a full direction where she would hear of +her at Bury, took leave of her till that time. + +These magnificent donations and designs, being communicated to Albany, +seemed a renovation to him of youth, spirit, and joy! while their effect +upon Mr Monckton resembled an annihilation of all three! to see money +thus sported away, which he had long considered as his own, to behold +those sums which he had destined for his pleasures, thus lavishly +bestowed upon beggars, excited a rage he could with difficulty conceal, +and an uneasiness he could hardly endure; and he languished, he sickened +for the time, when he might put a period to such romantic proceedings. + +Such were the only occupations which interrupted the solitude of +Cecilia, except those which were given to her by actual business; and +the moment her affairs were in so much forwardness that they could be +managed by letters, she prepared for returning into the country. She +acquainted Lady Margaret and Mr Monckton with her design, and gave +orders to her servants to be ready to set off the next day. + +Mr Monckton made not any opposition, and refused himself the +satisfaction of accompanying her: and Lady Margaret, whose purpose was +now answered, and who wished to be in the country herself, determined to +follow her. + + + +CHAPTER vi. + +A DISTURBANCE. + +This matter being settled at breakfast, Cecilia, having but one day more +to spend in London, knew not how to let it pass without taking leave of +Henrietta, though she chose not again to expose herself to the forward +insinuations of her mother; she sent her, therefore, a short note, +begging to see her at Lady Margaret's, and acquainting her that the next +day she was going out of town. + +Henrietta returned the following answer. + +_To Miss Beverley_. + +Madam,--My mother is gone to market, and I must not go out without her +leave; I have run to the door at every knock this whole week in hopes +you were coming, and my heart has jumpt at every coach that has gone +through the street. Dearest lady, why did you tell me you would come? I +should not have thought of such a great honour if you had not put it in +my head. And now I have got the use of a room where I can often be alone +for two or three hours together. And so I shall this morning, if it +was possible my dear Miss Beverley could come. But I don't mean to be +teasing, and I would not be impertinent or encroaching for the world; +but only the thing is I have a great deal to say to you, and if you was +not so rich a lady, and so much above me, I am sure I should love you +better than any body in the whole world, almost; and now I dare say I +shan't see you at all; for it rains very hard, and my mother, I know, +will be sadly angry if I ask to go in a coach. O dear! I don't know +what I can do! for it will half break my heart, if my dear Miss Beverley +should go out of town, and I not see her!--I am, Madam, with the +greatest respectfulness, your most humble servant, + +HENRIETTA BELFIELD. + +This artless remonstrance, joined to the intelligence that she could +see her alone, made Cecilia instantly order a chair, and go herself to +Portland-street: for she found by this letter there was much doubt if +she could otherwise see her, and the earnestness of Henrietta made her +now not endure to disappoint her. "She has much," cried she, "to say to +me, and I will no longer refuse to hear her; she shall unbosom to me +her gentle heart, for we have now nothing to fear from each other. She +promises herself pleasure from the communication, and doubtless it must +be some relief to her. Oh were there any friendly bosom, in which I +might myself confide!--happier Henrietta! less fearful of thy pride, +less tenacious of thy dignity! thy sorrows at least seek the consolation +of sympathy,--mine, alas! fettered by prudence, must fly it!" + +She was shewn into the parlour, which she had the pleasure to find +empty; and, in an instant, the warm-hearted Henrietta was in her arms. +"This is sweet of you indeed," cried she, "for I did not know how to ask +it, though it rains so hard I could not have walked to you, and I don't +know what I should have done, if you had gone away and quite forgot me." + +She then took her into the back parlour, which she said they had lately +hired, and, as it was made but little use of, she had it almost entirely +to herself. + +There had passed a sad scene, she told her, at the meeting with her +brother, though now they were a little more comfortable; yet, her +mother, she was sure, would never be at rest till he got into some +higher way of life; "And, indeed, I have some hopes," she continued, +"that we shall be able by and bye to do something better for him; for +he has got one friend in the world, yet; thank God, and such a noble +friend!--indeed I believe he can do whatever he pleases for him,--that +is I mean I believe if he was to ask any thing for him, there's nobody +would deny him. And this is what I wanted to talk to you about."-- + +Cecilia, who doubted not but she meant Delvile, scarce knew how to press +the subject, though she came with no other view: Henrietta, however, too +eager to want solicitation, went on. + +"But the question is whether we shall be able to prevail upon my brother +to accept any thing, for he grows more and more unwilling to be obliged, +and the reason is, that being poor, he is afraid, I believe, people +should think he wants to beg of them: though if they knew him as well +as I do, they would not long think that, for I am sure he would a great +deal rather be starved to death. But indeed, to say the truth, I am +afraid he has been sadly to blame in this affair, and quarrelled when +there was no need to be affronted; for I have seen a gentleman who knows +a great deal better than my brother what people should do, and he says +he took every thing wrong that was done, all the time he was at Lord +Vannelt's." + +"And how does this gentleman know it?" + +"O because he went himself to enquire about it; for he knows Lord +Vannelt very well, and it was by his means my brother came acquainted +with him. And this gentleman would not have wished my brother to be used +ill any more than I should myself, so I am sure I may believe what he +says. But my poor brother, not being a lord himself, thought every body +meant to be rude to him, and because he knew he was poor, he suspected +they all behaved disrespectfully to him. But this gentleman gave me his +word that every body liked him and esteemed him, and if he would not +have been so suspicious, they would all have done any thing for him in +the world." + +"You know this gentleman very well, then?" + +"O no, madam!" she answered hastily, "I don't know him at all! he only +comes here to see my brother; it would be very impertinent for me to +call him an acquaintance of mine." + +"Was it before your brother, then, he held this conversation with you?" + +"O no, my brother would have been affronted with him, too, if he had! +but he called here to enquire for him at the time when he was lost to +us, and my mother quite went down upon her knees to him to beg him to +go to Lord Vannelt's, and make excuses for him, if he had not behaved +properly: but if my brother was to know this, he would hardly speak to +her again! so when this gentleman came next, I begged him not to mention +it, for my mother happened to be out, and so I saw him alone." + +"And did he stay with you long?" + +"No, ma'am, a very short time indeed; but I asked him questions all the +while, and kept him as long as I could, that I might hear all he had to +say about my brother." + +"Have you never seen him since?" + +"No, ma'am, not once! I suppose he does not know my brother is come back +to us. Perhaps when he does, he will call." + +"Do you wish him to call?" + +"Me?" cried she, blushing, "a little;--sometimes I do;--for my brother's +sake." + +"For your brother's sake! Ah my dear Henrietta! but tell me,--or _don't_ +tell me if you had rather not,--did I not once see you kissing a letter? +perhaps it was from this same noble friend?" + +"It was not a letter, madam," said she, looking down, "it was only the +cover of one to my brother." + +"The cover of a letter only!--and that to your brother!--is it possible +you could so much value it?" + +"Ah madam! _You_, who are always used to the good and the wise, who see +no other sort of people but those in high life, _you_ can have no notion +how they strike those that they are new to!--but I who see them seldom, +and who live with people so very unlike them--Oh you cannot guess how +sweet to _me_ is every thing that belongs to them! whatever has but +once been touched by their hands, I should like to lock up, and keep for +ever! though if I was used to them, as you are, perhaps I might think +less of them." + +Alas! thought Cecilia, who by _them_ knew she only meant _him_, little +indeed would further intimacy protect you! + +"We are all over-ready," continued Henrietta, "to blame others, and that +is the way I have been doing all this time myself; but I don't blame my +poor brother now for living so with the great as I used to do, for now +I have seen a little more of the world, I don't wonder any longer at his +behaviour: for I know how it is, and I see that those who have had good +educations, and kept great company, and mixed with the world,--O it +is another thing!--they seem quite a different species!--they are so +gentle, so soft-mannered! nothing comes from them but what is meant +to oblige! they seem as if they only lived to give pleasure to other +people, and as if they never thought at all of themselves!" + +"Ah Henrietta!" said Cecilia, shaking her head, "you have caught the +enthusiasm of your brother, though you so long condemned it! Oh have a +care lest, like him also, you find it as pernicious as it is alluring!" + +"There, is no danger for _me_, madam," answered she, "for the people I +so much admire are quite out of my reach. I hardly ever even see them; +and perhaps it may so happen I may see them no more!" + +"The people?" said Cecilia, smiling, "are there, then, many you so much +distinguish?" + +"Oh no indeed!" cried she, eagerly, "there is only one! there _can_ +be--I mean there are only a few--" she checked herself, and stopt. + +"Whoever you admire," cried Cecilia, "your admiration cannot but honour: +yet indulge it not too far, lest it should wander from your heart to +your peace, and make you wretched for life." + +"Ah madam!--I see you know who is the particular person I was thinking +of! but indeed you are quite mistaken if you suppose any thing bad of +me!" + +"Bad of you!" cried Cecilia, embracing her, "I scarce think so well of +any one!" + +"But I mean, madam, if you think I forget he is so much above me. But +indeed I never do; for I only admire him for his goodness to my brother, +and never think of him at all, but just by way of comparing him, +sometimes, to the other people that I see, because he makes me hate them +so, that I wish I was never to see them again." + +"His acquaintance, then," said Cecilia, "has done you but an ill office, +and happy it would be for you could you forget you had ever made it." + +"O, I shall never do that! for the more I think of him, the more I +am out of humour with every body else! O Miss Beverley! we have a sad +acquaintance indeed! I'm sure I don't wonder my brother was so ashamed +of them. They are all so rude, and so free, and put one so out of +countenance,--O how different is this person you are thinking of! he +would not distress anybody, or make one ashamed for all the world! _You_ +only are like him! always gentle, always obliging!--sometimes I think +you must be his sister--once, too, I heard--but that was contradicted." + +A deep sigh escaped Cecilia at this speech; she guessed too well +what she might have heard, and she knew too well how it might be +contradicted. + +"Surely, _you_ cannot be unhappy, Miss Beverley!" said Henrietta, with a +look of mingled surprise and concern. + +"I have much, I own," cried Cecilia, assuming more chearfulness, "to be +thankful for, and I endeavour not to forget it." + +"O how often do I think," cried Henrietta, "that you, madam, are +the happiest person in the world! with every thing at your own +disposal,--with every body in love with you, with all the money that you +can wish for, and so much sweetness that nobody can envy you it! with +power to keep just what company you please, and every body proud to be +one of the number!--Oh if I could chuse who I would be, I should sooner +say Miss Beverley than any princess in the world!" + +Ah, thought Cecilia, if such is my situation,--how cruel that by one +dreadful blow all its happiness should be thrown away! + +"Were I a rich lady, like you," continued Henrietta, "and quite in my +own power, then, indeed, I might soon think of nothing but those people +that I admire! and that makes me often wonder that _you_, madam, who are +just such another as himself--but then, indeed, you may see so many of +the same sort, that just this one may not so much strike you: and for +that reason I hope with all my heart that he will never be married as +long as he lives, for as he must take some lady in just such high life +as his own, I should always be afraid that she would never love him as +she ought to do!" + +He need not now be single, thought Cecilia, were that all he had cause +to apprehend! + +"I often think," added Henrietta, "that the rich would be as much +happier for marrying the poor, as the poor for marrying the rich, for +then they would take somebody that would try to deserve their kindness, +and now they only take those that know they have a right to it. Often +and often have I thought so about this very gentleman! and sometimes +when I have been in his company, and seen his civility and his +sweetness, I have fancied I was rich and grand myself, and it has quite +gone out of my head that I was nothing but poor Henrietta Belfield!" + +"Did he, then," cried Cecilia a little alarmed, "ever seek to ingratiate +himself into your favour?" + +"No, never! but when treated with so much softness, 'tis hard always +to remember one's meanness! You, madam, have no notion of that task: no +more had I myself till lately, for I cared not who was high, nor who was +low: but now, indeed, I must own I have some times wished myself richer! +yet he assumes so little, that at other times, I have almost forgot all +distance between us, and even thought--Oh foolish thought!-- + +"Tell it, sweet Henrietta, however!" + +"I will tell you, madam, every thing! for my heart has been bursting to +open itself, and nobody have I dared trust. I have thought, then, I have +sometimes thought,--my true affection, my faithful fondness, my glad +obedience,--might make him, if he did but know them, happier in me than +in a greater lady!" + +"Indeed," cried Cecilia, extremely affected by this plaintive +tenderness, "I believe it--and were I him, I could not, I think, +hesitate a moment in my choice!" + +Henrietta now, hearing her mother coming in, made a sign to her to be +silent; but Mrs Belfield had not been an instant in the passage, before +a thundering knocking at the street-door occasioned it to be instantly +re-opened. A servant then enquired if Mrs Belfield was at home, and +being answered by herself in the affirmative, a chair was brought into +the house. + +But what was the astonishment of Cecilia, when, in another moment, she +heard from the next parlour the voice of Mr Delvile senior, saying, +"Your servant, ma'am; Mrs Belfield, I presume?" + +There was no occasion, now, to make a sign to her of silence, for her +own amazement was sufficient to deprive her of speech. + +"Yes, Sir," answered Mrs Belfield; "but I suppose, Sir, you are some +gentleman to my son." + +"No, madam," he returned, "my business is with yourself." + +Cecilia now recovering from her surprise, determined to hasten unnoticed +out of the house, well knowing that to be seen in it would be regarded +as a confirmation of all that he had asserted. She whispered, therefore, +to Henrietta, that she must instantly run away, but, upon softly opening +the door leading to the passage, she found Mr Delvile's chairmen, and a +footman there in waiting. + +She closed it again, irresolute what to do: but after a little +deliberation, she concluded to out-stay him, as she was known to all +his servants, who would not fail to mention seeing her; and a retreat so +private was worse than any other risk. A chair was also in waiting for +herself, but it was a hackney one, and she could not be known by it; +and her footman she had fortunately dismissed, as he had business to +transact for her journey next day. + +Mean-while the thinness of the partition between the two parlours made +her hearing every word that was said unavoidable. + +"I am sure, Sir, I shall be very willing to oblige you," Mrs Belfield +answered; "but pray, Sir, what's your name?" + +"My name, ma'am," he replied, in a rather elevated voice, "I am seldom +obliged to announce myself; nor is there any present necessity I should +make it known. It is sufficient I assure you, you are speaking to no +very common person, and probably to one you will have little chance to +meet with again." + +"But how can I tell your business, Sir, if I don't so much as know your +name?" + +"My business, madam, I mean to tell myself; your affair is only to hear +it. I have some questions, indeed, to ask, which I must trouble you to +answer, but they will sufficiently explain themselves to prevent +any difficulty upon your part. There is no need, therefore, of any +introductory ceremonial." + +"Well, Sir," said Mrs Belfield, wholly insensible of this ambiguous +greatness, "if you mean to make your name a secret." + +"Few names, I believe, ma'am," cried he, haughtily, "have less the +advantage of secrecy than mine! on the contrary, this is but one among +a very few houses in this town to which my person would not immediately +announce it. That, however, is immaterial; and you will be so good as to +rest satisfied with my assurances, that the person with whom you are now +conversing, will prove no disgrace to your character." + +Mrs Belfield, overpowered, though hardly knowing, with what, only said +_he was very welcome_, and begged him to sit down. + +"Excuse me, ma'am," he answered, "My business is but of a moment, and my +avocations are too many to suffer my infringing that time. You say you +have a son; I have heard of him, also, somewhere before; pray will you +give me leave to enquire--I don't mean to go deep into the matter,--but +particular family occurrences make it essential for me to know,--whether +there is not a young person of rather a capital fortune, to whom he is +supposed to make proposals?" + +"Lack-a-day, no, Sir!" answered Mrs Belfield, to the infinite relief of +Cecilia, who instantly concluded this question referred to herself. + +"I beg your pardon, then; good morning to you, ma'am," said Mr Delvile, +in a tone that spoke his disappointment; but added "And there is no such +young person, you say, who favours his pretensions?" + +"Dear Sir," cried she, "why there's nobody he'll so much as put the +question to! there's a young lady at this very time, a great fortune, +that has as much a mind to him, I tell him, as any man need desire to +see; but there's no making him think it! though he has been brought up +at the university, and knows more about all the things, or as much, as +any body in the king's dominions." + +"O, then," cried Mr Delvile, in a voice of far more complacency, "it is +not on the side of the young woman that the difficulty seems to rest?" + +"Lord, no, Sir! he might have had her again and again only for asking! +She came after him ever so often; but being brought up, as I said, at +the university, he thought he knew better than me, and so my preaching +was all as good as lost upon him." + +The consternation of Cecilia at these speeches could by nothing be +equalled but by the shame of Henrietta, who, though she knew not to +whom her mother made them, felt all the disgrace and the shock of them +herself. + +"I suppose, Sir," continued Mrs Belfield, "you know my son?" + +"No, ma'am, my acquaintance is--not very universal." + +"Then, Sir, you are no judge how well he might make his own terms. And +as to this young lady, she found him out, Sir, when not one of his own +natural friends could tell where in the world he was gone! She was the +first, Sir, to come and tell me news of him though I was his own mother! +Love, Sir, is prodigious for quickness! it can see, I sometimes +think, through bricks and mortar. Yet all this would not do, he was so +obstinate not to take the hint!" + +Cecilia now felt so extremely provoked, she was upon the point of +bursting in upon them to make her own vindication; but as her passions, +though they tried her reason never conquered it, she restrained herself +by considering that to issue forth from a room in that house, would do +more towards strengthening what was thus boldly asserted, than all her +protestations could have chance to destroy. + +"And as to young ladies themselves," continued Mrs Belfield, "they know +no more how to make their minds known than a baby does: so I suppose +he'll shilly shally till somebody else will cry snap, and take her. It +is but a little while ago that it was all the report she was to have +young Mr Delvile, one of her guardian's sons." + +"I am sorry report was so impertinent," cried Mr Delvile, with much +displeasure; "young Mr Delvile is not to be disposed of with so little +ceremony; he knows better what is due to his family." + +Cecilia here blushed from indignation, and Henrietta sighed from +despondency. + +"Lord, Sir," answered Mrs Belfield, "what should his family do better? +I never heard they were any so rich, and I dare say the old gentleman, +being her guardian, took care to put his son enough in her way, however +it came about that they did not make a match of it: for as to old Mr +Delvile, all the world says---" + +"All the world takes a very great liberty," angrily interrupted +Mr Delvile, "in saying any thing about him: and you will excuse my +informing you that a person of his rank and consideration, is not +lightly to be mentioned upon every little occasion that occurs." + +"Lord, Sir," cried Mrs Belfield, somewhat surprised at this unexpected +prohibition, "I don't care for my part if I never mention the old +gentleman's name again! I never heard any good of him in my life, for +they say he's as proud as Lucifer, and nobody knows what it's of, for +they say--" + +"_They_ say?" cried he, firing with rage, "and who are _they_? be so +good as inform me that?" + +"Lord, every body, Sir! it's his common character." + +"Then every body is extremely indecent," speaking very loud, "to pay +no more respect to one of the first families in England. It is a +licentiousness that ought by no means to be suffered with impunity." + +Here, the street-door being kept open by the servants in waiting, a +new step was heard in the passage, which Henrietta immediately knowing, +turned, with uplifted hands to Cecilia, and whispered, "How unlucky! +it's my brother! I thought he would not have returned till night!" + +"Surely he will not come in here?" re-whispered Cecilia. + +But, at the same moment, he opened the door, and entered the room. He +was immediately beginning an apology, and starting back, but Henrietta +catching him by the arm, told him in a low voice, that she had made use +of his room because she had thought him engaged for the day, but begged +him to keep still and quiet, as the least noise would discover them. + +Belfield then stopt; but the embarrassment of Cecilia was extreme; +to find herself in his room after the speeches she had heard from his +mother, and to continue with him in it by connivance, when she knew she +had been represented as quite at his service, distressed and provoked +her immeasurably; and she felt very angry with Henrietta for not sooner +informing her whose apartment she had borrowed. Yet now to remove, and +to be seen, was not to be thought of; she kept, therefore, fixed to +her seat, though changing colour every moment from the variety of her +emotions. + +During this painful interruption she lost Mrs Belfield's next answer, +and another speech or two from Mr Delvile, to whose own passion and +loudness was owing Belfield's entering his room unheard: but the next +voice that called their attention was that of Mr Hobson, who just then +walked into the parlour. + +"Why what's to do here?" cried he, facetiously, "nothing but chairs and +livery servants! Why, ma'am, what is this your rout day? Sir your most +humble servant. I ask pardon, but I did not know you at first. But come, +suppose we were all to sit down? Sitting's as cheap as standing, and +what I say is this; when a man's tired, it's more agreeable." + +"Have you any thing further, ma'am," said Mr Delvile, with great +solemnity, "to communicate to me?" + +"No, Sir," said Mrs Belfield, rather angrily, "it's no business of mine +to be communicating myself to a gentleman that I don't know the name of. +Why, Mr Hobson, how come you to know the gentleman?" + +"To know _me_!" repeated Mr Delvile, scornfully. + +"Why I can't say much, ma'am," answered Mr Hobson, "as to my knowing the +gentleman, being I have been in his company but once; and what I say is, +to know a person if one leaves but a quart in a hogshead, it's two pints +too much. That's my notion. But, Sir, that was but an ungain business +at 'Squire Monckton's t'other morning. Every body was no-how, as one may +say. But, Sir, if I may be so free, pray what is your private opinion of +that old gentleman that talked so much out of the way?" + +"My private opinion, Sir?" + +"Yes, Sir; I mean if it's no secret, for as to a secret, I hold it's +what no man has a right to enquire into, being of its own nature it's +a thing not to be told. Now as to what I think myself, my doctrine is +this; I am quite of the old gentleman's mind about some things, and +about others I hold him to be quite wide of the mark. But as to talking +in such a whisky frisky manner that nobody can understand him, why +its tantamount to not talking at all, being he might as well hold his +tongue. That's what _I_ say. And then as to that other article, of +abusing a person for not giving away all his lawful gains to every +cripple in the streets, just because he happens to have but one leg, or +one eye, or some such matter, why it's knowing nothing of business! it's +what _I_ call talking at random." + +"When you have finished, Sir," said Mr Delvile, "you will be so good to +let me know." + +"I don't mean to intrude, Sir; that's not my way, so if you are upon +business--" + +"What else, Sir, could you suppose brought me hither? However, I by no +means purpose any discussion. I have only a few words more to say to +this gentlewoman, and as my time is not wholly inconsequential, I should +not be sorry to have an early opportunity of being heard." + +"I shall leave you with the lady directly, Sir; for I know business +better than to interrupt it: but seeing chairs in the entry, my notion +was I should see ladies in the parlour, not much thinking of gentlemen's +going about in that manner, being I never did it myself. But I have +nothing to offer against that; let every man have his own way; that's +what _I_ say. Only just let me ask the lady before I go, what's the +meaning of my seeing two chairs in the entry, and only a person for one +in the parlour? The gentleman, I suppose, did not come in _both_; ha! +ha! ha!" + +"Why now you put me in mind," said Mrs Belfield, "I saw a chair as +soon as I come in; and I was just going to say who's here, when this +gentleman's coming put it out of my head." + +"Why this is what I call Hocus Pocus work!" said Mr Hobson; "but I shall +make free to ask the chairmen who they are waiting for." + +Mrs Belfield, however, anticipated him; for running into the passage, +she angrily called out, "What do you do here, Misters? do you only come +to be out of the rain? I'll have no stand made of my entry, I can tell +you!" + +"Why we are waiting for the lady," cried one of them. + +"Waiting for a fiddlestick!" said Mrs Belfield; "here's no lady here, +nor no company; so if you think I'll have my entry filled up by two +hulking fellows for nothing, I shall shew you the difference. One's dirt +enough of one's own, without taking people out of the streets to help +one. Who do you think's to clean after you?" + +"That's no business of ours; the lady bid us wait," answered the man. + +Cecilia at this dispute could with pleasure have cast herself out of the +window to avoid being discovered; but all plan of escape was too late; +Mrs Belfield called aloud for her daughter, and then, returning to the +front parlour, said, "I'll soon know if there's company come to my house +without my knowing it!" and opened a door leading to the next room! + +Cecilia, who had hitherto sat fixed to her chair, now hastily arose, but +in a confusion too cruel for speech: Belfield, wondering even at his own +situation, and equally concerned and surprised at her evident distress, +had himself the feeling of a culprit, though without the least knowledge +of any cause: and Henrietta, terrified at the prospect of her mother's +anger, retreated as much as possible out of sight. + +Such was the situation of the discovered, abashed, perplexed, and +embarrassed! while that of the discoverers, far different, was bold, +delighted, and triumphant! + +"So!" cried Mrs Belfield, "why here's Miss Beverley!--in my son's back +room!" winking at Mr Delvile. + +"Why here's a lady, sure enough!" said Mr Hobson, "and just where she +should be, and that is with a gentleman. Ha! ha! that's the right way, +according to my notion! that's the true maxim for living agreeable." + +"I came to see Miss Belfield," cried Cecilia, endeavouring, but vainly, +to speak with composure, "and she brought me into this room." + +"I am but this moment," cried Belfield, with eagerness, "returned home; +and unfortunately broke into the room, from total ignorance of the +honour which Miss Beverley did my sister." + +These speeches, though both literally true, sounded, in the +circumstances which brought them out, so much as mere excuses, that +while Mr Delvile haughtily marked his incredulity by a motion of his +chin, Mrs Belfield continued winking at him most significantly, and Mr +Hobson, with still less ceremony, laughed aloud. + +"I have nothing more, ma'am," said Mr Delvile to Mrs Belfield, "to +enquire, for the few doubts with which I came to this house are now +entirely satisfied. Good morning to you, ma'am." + +"Give me leave, Sir," said Cecilia, advancing with more spirit, "to +explain, in presence of those who can best testify my veracity, the real +circumstances--" + +"I would by no means occasion you such unnecessary trouble, ma'am," +answered he, with an air at once exulting and pompous, "the situation in +which I see you abundantly satisfies my curiosity, and saves me from the +apprehension I was under of being again convicted of a _mistake_!" + +He then made her a stiff bow, and went to his chair. + +Cecilia, colouring deeply at this contemptuous treatment, coldly took +leave of Henrietta, and courtsying to Mrs Belfield, hastened into the +passage, to get into her own. + +Henrietta was too much intimidated to speak, and Belfield was too +delicate to follow her; Mr Hobson only said "The young lady seems quite +dashed;" but Mrs Belfield pursued her with entreaties she would stay. + +She was too angry, however, to make any answer but by a distant bow of +the head, and left the house with a resolution little short of a vow +never again to enter it. + +Her reflections upon this unfortunate visit were bitter beyond measure; +the situation in which she had been surprised,--clandestinely concealed +with only Belfield and his sister--joined to the positive assertions of +her partiality for him made by his mother, could not, to Mr Delvile, but +appear marks irrefragable that his charge in his former conversation +was rather mild than over-strained, and that the connection he had +mentioned, for whatever motives denied, was incontestably formed. + +The apparent conviction of this part of the accusation, might also +authorise, to one but too happy in believing ill of her, an implicit +faith in that which regarded her having run out her fortune. His +determination not to hear her shewed the inflexibility of his character; +and it was evident, notwithstanding his parading pretensions of wishing +her welfare, that his inordinate pride was inflamed, at the very +supposition he could be mistaken or deceived for a moment. + +Even Delvile himself, if gone abroad, might now hear this account with +exaggerations that would baffle all his confidence: his mother, +too, greatly as she esteemed and loved her, might have the matter so +represented as to stagger her good opinion;--these were thoughts the +most afflicting she could harbour, though their probability was such +that to banish them was impossible. + +To apply again to Mr Delvile to hear her vindication, was to subject +herself to insolence, and almost to court indignity. She disdained +even to write to him, since his behaviour called for resentment, not +concession; and such an eagerness to be heard, in opposition to all +discouragement, would be practising a meanness that would almost merit +repulsion. + +Her first inclination was to write to Mrs Delvile, but what now, to her, +was either her defence or accusation? She had solemnly renounced all +further intercourse with her, she had declared against writing again, +and prohibited her letters: and, therefore, after much fluctuation of +opinion, her delicacy concurred with her judgment, to conclude it would +be most proper, in a situation so intricate, to leave the matter to +chance, and commit her character to time. + +In the evening, while she was at tea with Lady Margaret and Miss Bennet, +she was suddenly called out to speak to a young woman; and found, to her +great surprise, she was no other than Henrietta. + +"Ah madam!" she cried, "how angrily did you go away this morning! it +has made me miserable ever since, and if you go out of town without +forgiving me, I shall fret myself quite ill! my mother is gone out to +tea, and I have run here all alone, and in the dark, and in the wet, +to beg and pray you will forgive me, for else I don't know what I shall +do!" + +"Sweet, gentle girl!" cried Cecilia, affectionately embracing her, "if +you had excited all the anger I am capable of feeling, such softness as +this would banish it, and make me love you more than ever!" + +Henrietta then said, in her excuse, that she had thought herself quite +sure of her brother's absence, who almost always spent the whole day at +the bookseller's, as in writing himself he perpetually wanted to consult +other authors, and had very few books at their lodgings: but she would +not mention that the room was his, lest Cecilia should object to +making use of it, and she knew she had no other chance of having the +conversation with her she had so very long wished for. She then again +begged her pardon, and hoped the behaviour of her mother would not +induce her to give her up, as she was shocked at it beyond measure, and +as her brother, she assured her, was as innocent of it as herself. + +Cecilia heard her with pleasure, and felt for her an encreasing regard. +The openness of her confidence in the morning had merited all her +affection, and she gave her the warmest protestations of a friendship +which she was certain would be lasting as her life. + +Henrietta then, with a countenance that spoke the lightness of her +heart, hastily took her leave, saying she did not dare be out longer, +lest her mother should discover her excursion. Cecilia insisted, +however, upon her going in a chair, which she ordered her servant to +attend, and take care himself to discharge. + +This visit, joined to the tender and unreserved conversation of the +morning, gave Cecilia the strongest desire to invite her to her house in +the country; but the terror of Mrs Belfield's insinuations, added to +the cruel interpretations she had to expect from Mr Delvile, forbid her +indulging this wish, though it was the only one that just now she could +form. + + + +CHAPTER vii. + +A CALM. + +Cecilia took leave over night of the family, as she would not stay their +rising in the morning: Mr Monckton, though certain not to sleep when she +was going, forbearing to mark his solicitude by quitting his apartment +at any unusual hour. Lady Margaret parted from her with her accustomed +ungraciousness, and Miss Bennet, because in her presence, in a manner +scarcely less displeasing. + +The next morning, with only her servants, the moment it was light, she +set out. Her journey was without incident or interruption, and she went +immediately to the house of Mrs Bayley, where she had settled to board +till her own was finished. + +Mrs Bayley was a mere good sort of woman, who lived decently well with +her servants, and tolerably well with her neighbours, upon a small +annuity, which made her easy and comfortable, though by no means +superior to such an addition to her little income as an occasional +boarder might produce. + +Here Cecilia continued a full month: which time had no other +employment than what she voluntarily gave to herself by active deeds of +benevolence. + +At Christmas, to the no little joy of the neighbourhood, she took +possession of her own house, which was situated about three miles from +Bury. + +The better sort of people were happy to see her thus settled amongst +them, and the poorer, who by what they already had received, knew +well what they still might expect, regarded the day in which she +fixed herself in her mansion, as a day to themselves of prosperity and +triumph. + +As she was no longer, as hitherto, repairing to a temporary habitation, +which at pleasure she might quit, and to which, at a certain period, she +could have no possible claim, but to a house which was her own for +ever, or, at least, could solely by her own choice be transferred, +she determined, as much as was in her power, in quitting her desultory +dwellings, to empty her mind of the transactions which had passed in +them, and upon entering a house where she was permanently to reside, +to make the expulsion of her past sorrows, the basis upon which to +establish her future serenity. + +And this, though a work of pain and difficulty, was not impracticable; +her sensibility, indeed, was keen, and she had suffered from it the +utmost torture; but her feelings were not more powerful than her +understanding was strong, and her fortitude was equal to her trials. +Her calamities had saddened, but not weakened her mind, and the words +of Delvile in speaking of his mother occurred to her now with all +the conviction of experience, that "evils inevitable are always best +supported, because known to be past amendment, and felt to give defiance +to struggling." [Footnote: See Vol. ii. p. 317.] + +A plan by which so great a revolution was to be wrought in her mind, was +not to be effected by any sudden effort of magnanimity, but by a regular +and even tenour of courage mingled with prudence. Nothing, therefore, +appeared to her so indispensable as constant employment, by which a +variety of new images might force their way in her mind to supplant +the old ones, and by which no time might be allowed for brooding over +melancholy retrospections. + +Her first effort, in this work of mental reformation, was to part with +Fidel, whom hitherto she had almost involuntarily guarded, but whom she +only could see to revive the most dangerous recollections. She sent him, +therefore, to the castle, but without any message; Mrs Delvile, she was +sure, would require none to make her rejoice in his restoration. + +Her next step was writing to Albany, who had given her his direction, to +acquaint him she was now ready to put in practice their long concerted +scheme. Albany instantly hastened to her, and joyfully accepted the +office of becoming at once her Almoner and her Monitor. He made it his +business to seek objects of distress, and always but too certain to find +them, of conducting her himself to their habitations, and then leaving +to her own liberality the assistance their several cases demanded: and, +in the overflowing of his zeal upon these occasions, and the rapture +of his heart in thus disposing, almost at his pleasure, of her noble +fortune, he seemed, at times, to feel an extasy that, from its novelty +and its excess, was almost too exquisite to be borne. He joined with the +beggars in pouring blessings upon her head, he prayed for her with the +poor, and he thanked her with the succoured. + +The pew-opener and her children failed not to keep their appointment, +and Cecilia presently contrived to settle them in her neighbourhood: +where the poor woman, as she recovered her strength, soon got a little +work, and all deficiencies in her power of maintaining herself were +supplied by her generous patroness. The children, however, she ordered +to be coarsely brought up, having no intention to provide for them but +by helping them to common employments. + +The promise, also, so long made to Mrs Harrel of an apartment in +her house, was now performed. That lady accepted it with the utmost +alacrity, glad to make any change in her situation, which constant +solitude had rendered wholly insupportable. Mr Arnott accompanied her to +the house, and spent one day there; but receiving from Cecilia, +though extremely civil and sweet to him, no hint of any invitation for +repeating his visit, he left it in sadness, and returned to his own in +deep dejection. Cecilia saw with concern how he nourished his hopeless +passion, but knew that to suffer his visits would almost authorise +his feeding it; and while she pitied unaffectedly the unhappiness she +occasioned, she resolved to double her own efforts towards avoiding +similar wretchedness. + +This action, however, was a point of honour, not of friendship, the time +being long since past that the society of Mrs Harrel could afford her +any pleasure; but the promises she had so often made to Mr Harrel in +his distresses, though extorted from her merely by the terrors of the +moment, still were promises, and, therefore, she held herself bound to +fulfil them. + +Yet far from finding comfort in this addition to her family, Mrs Harrel +proved to her nothing more than a trouble and an incumbrance; with +no inherent resources, she was continually in search of occasional +supplies; she fatigued Cecilia with wonder at the privacy of her life, +and tormented her with proposals of parties and entertainments. She +was eternally in amazement that with powers so large, she had wishes so +confined, and was evidently disappointed that upon coming to so ample an +estate, she lived, with respect to herself and her family, with no more +magnificence or shew than if Heiress to only u500 a year. + +But Cecilia was determined to think and to live for herself, without +regard to unmeaning wonder or selfish remonstrances; she had neither +ambition for splendour, nor spirits for dissipation; the recent sorrow +of her heart had deadened it for the present to all personal taste of +happiness, and her only chance for regaining it, seemed through the +medium of bestowing it upon others. She had seen, too, by Mr Harrel, +how wretchedly external brilliancy could cover inward woe, and she +had learned at Delvile Castle to grow sick of parade and grandeur. Her +equipage, therefore, was without glare, though not without elegance, her +table was plain, though hospitably plentiful, her servants were for use, +though too numerous to be for labour. The system of her oeconomy, like +that of her liberality, was formed by rules of reason, and her own ideas +of right, and not by compliance with example, nor by emulation with the +gentry in her neighbourhood. + +But though thus deviating in her actions from the usual customs of +the young and rich, she was peculiarly careful not to offend them +by singularity of manners. When she mixed with them, she was easy, +unaffected, and well bred, and though she saw them but seldom, her good +humour and desire of obliging kept them always her friends. The plan +she had early formed at Mrs Harrel's she now studied daily to put in +practice; but that part by which the useless or frivolous were to be +excluded her house, she found could only be supported by driving from +her half her acquaintance. + +Another part, also, of that project she found still less easy of +adoption, which was solacing herself with the society of the wise, good, +and intelligent. Few answered this description, and those few were with +difficulty attainable. Many might with joy have sought out her liberal +dwelling, but no one had idly waited till the moment it was at her +disposal. All who possessed at once both talents and wealth, were +so generally courted they were rarely to be procured; and all who to +talents alone owed their consequence, demanded, if worth acquiring, time +and delicacy to be obtained. Fortune she knew, however, was so often at +war with Nature, that she doubted not shortly meeting those who would +gladly avail themselves of her offered protection. + +Yet, tired of the murmurs of Mrs Harrel, she longed for some relief from +her society, and her desire daily grew stronger to owe that relief to +Henrietta Belfield. The more she meditated upon this wish, the less +unattainable it appeared to her, till by frequently combating its +difficulties, she began to consider them imaginary: Mrs Belfield, while +her son was actually with herself, might see she took not Henrietta as +his appendage; and Mr Delvile, should he make further enquiries, might +hear that her real connection was with the sister, since she received +her in the country, where the brother made no pretence to follow +her. She considered, too, how ill she should be rewarded in giving up +Henrietta for Mr Delvile, who was already determined to think ill of +her, and whose prejudices no sacrifice would remove. + +Having hesitated, therefore, some time between the desire of present +alleviation, and the fear of future mischief, the consciousness of her +own innocence at length vanquished all dread of unjust censure, and she +wrote an invitation to Henrietta enclosed in a letter to her mother. + +The answer of Henrietta expressed her rapture at the proposal; and that +of Mrs Belfield made no objection but to the expence. + +Cecilia, therefore, sent her own maid to travel with her into Suffolk, +with proper directions to pay for the journey. + +The gratitude of the delighted Henrietta at the meeting was boundless; +and her joy at so unexpected a mark of favour made her half wild. +Cecilia suffered it not to languish for want of kindness to support +it; she took her to her bosom, became the soother of all her cares, and +reposed in her, in return, every thought that led not to Delvile. + +There, however, she was uniformly silent; solemnly and eternally parted +from him, far from trusting the secret of her former connexion to +Henrietta, the whole study of her life was to drive the remembrance of +it from herself. + +Henrietta now tasted a happiness to which as yet her whole life had been +a stranger; she was suddenly removed from turbulent vulgarity to the +enjoyment of calm elegance; and the gentleness of her disposition, +instead of being tyrannically imposed upon, not only made her loved with +affection, but treated with the most scrupulous delicacy. Cecilia had +her share in all the comfort she bestowed; she had now a friend to +oblige, and a companion to converse with. She communicated to her all +her schemes, and made her the partner of her benevolent excursions; +she found her disposition as amiable upon trial, as her looks and her +manners had been engaging at first sight; and her constant presence and +constant sweetness, imperceptibly revived her spirits, and gave a new +interest to her existence. + +Meantime Mr Monckton, who returned in about a fortnight to the Grove, +observed the encreasing influence of Albany with the most serious +concern. The bounties of Cecilia, extensive, magnificent, unlimited, +were the theme of every tongue, and though sometimes censured and +sometimes admired, they were wondered at universally. He suffered her +for a while to go on without remonstrance, hoping her enthusiasm would +abate, as its novelty wore out: but finding that week following week was +still distinguished by some fresh act of beneficence, he grew so alarmed +and uneasy, he could restrain himself no longer. He spoke to her +with warmth, he represented her conduct as highly dangerous in its +consequence; he said she would but court impostors from every corner of +the kingdom, called Albany a lunatic, whom she should rather avoid than +obey; and insinuated that if a report was spread of her proceedings, a +charity so prodigal, would excite such alarm, that no man would think +even her large and splendid fortune, would ensure him from ruin in +seeking her alliance. + +Cecilia heard this exhortation without either terror or impatience, and +answered it with the utmost steadiness. His influence over her mind was +no longer uncontrolled, for though her suspicions were not strengthened, +they had never been removed, and friendship has no foe so dangerous as +distrust! She thanked him, however, for his zeal, but assured him his +apprehensions were groundless, since though she acted from inclination, +she acted not without thought. Her income was very large, and she was +wholly without family or connection; to spend it merely upon herself +would be something still worse than extravagance, it must result from +wilfulness the most inexcusable, as her disposition was naturally +averse to luxury and expence. She might save indeed, but for whom? not a +creature had such a claim upon her; and with regard to herself, she was +so provided for it would be unnecessary. She would never, she declared, +run in debt even for a week, but while her estate was wholly clear, she +would spend it without restriction. + +To his hint of any future alliance, she only said that those who +disapproved her conduct, would probably be those she should disapprove +in her turn; should such an event however take place, the retrenching +from that time all her present peculiar expences, would surely, in a +clear u3000 a-year, leave her rich enough for any man, without making +it incumbent upon her at present, to deny herself the only pleasure she +could taste, in bestowing that money which to her was superfluous, upon +those who received it as the prolongation of their existence. + +A firmness so deliberate in a system he so much dreaded, greatly shocked +Mr Monckton, though it intimidated him from opposing it; he saw she was +too earnest, and too well satisfied she was right, to venture giving +her disgust by controverting her arguments; the conversation, therefore, +ended with new discontent to himself, and with an impression upon +the mind of Cecilia, that though he was zealous and friendly, he was +somewhat too worldly and suspicious. + +She went on, therefore, as before, distributing with a lavish hand +all she could spare from her own household; careful of nothing but of +guarding against imposition, which, though she sometimes unavoidably +endured, her discernment, and the activity of her investigating +diligence, saved her from suffering frequently. And the steadiness with +which she repulsed those whom she detected in deceit, was a check upon +tricks and fraud, though it could not wholly put a stop to them. + +Money, to her, had long appeared worthless and valueless; it had failed +to procure her the establishment for which she once flattered herself +it seemed purposely designed; it had been disdained by the Delviles, +for the sake of whose connection she had alone ever truly rejoiced in +possessing it; and after such a conviction of its inefficacy to secure +her happiness, she regarded it as of little importance to herself, and +therefore thought it almost the due of those whose distresses gave it a +consequence to which with her it was a stranger. + +In this manner with Cecilia passed the first winter of her majority. +She had sedulously filled it with occupations, and her occupations had +proved fertile in keeping her mind from idleness, and in restoring it +to chearfulness. Calls upon her attention so soothing, and avocations +so various for her time, had answered the great purpose for which +originally she had planned them, in almost forcing from her thoughts +those sorrows which, if indulged, would have rested in them incessantly. + + + +CHAPTER viii. + +AN ALARM. + +The spring was now advancing, and the weather was remarkably fine; when +one morning, while Cecilia was walking with Mrs Harrel and Henrietta +on the lawn before her house, to which the last dinner bell was just +summoning them, to return, Mrs Harrel looked round and stopt at sight +of a gentleman galloping towards them, who in less than a minute +approached, and dismounting and leaving his horse to his servant, struck +them all at the same instant to be no other than young Delvile! + +A sight so unexpected, so unaccountable, so wonderful, after an +absence so long, and to which they were mutually bound, almost wholly +over-powered Cecilia from surprise and a thousand other feelings, and +she caught Mrs Harrel by the arm, not knowing what she did, as if +for succour; while Henrietta with scarce less, though much more glad +emotion, suddenly exclaimed, "'tis Mr Delvile!" and sprang forward to +meet him. + +He had reached them, and in a voice that spoke hurry and perturbation, +respectfully made his compliments to them all, before Cecilia recovered +even the use of her feet: but no sooner were they restored to her, than +she employed them with the quickest motion in her power, still leaning +upon Mrs Harrel, to hasten into the house. Her solemn promise to Mrs +Delvile became uppermost in her thoughts, and her surprise was soon +succeeded by displeasure, that thus, without any preparation, he forced +her to break it by an interview she had no means to prevent. + +Just as they reached the entrance into the house, the Butler came to +tell Cecilia that dinner was upon the table. Delvile then went up to +her, and said, "May I wait upon you for one instant before--or after you +dine?" + +"I am engaged, Sir," answered she, though hardly able to speak, "for the +whole day." + +"You will not, I hope, refuse to hear me," cried he, eagerly, "I cannot +write what I have to say,--" + +"There is no occasion that you should, Sir," interrupted she, "since I +should scarcely find time to read it." + +She then courtsied, though without looking at him, and went into the +house; Delvile remaining in utter dismay, not daring, however wishing, +to follow her. But when Mrs Harrel, much surprised at behaviour so +unusual from Cecilia, approached him with some civil speeches, he +started, and wishing her good day, bowed, and remounted his horse: +pursued by the soft eyes of Henrietta till wholly out of sight. + +They then both followed Cecilia to the dining-parlour. + +Had not Mrs Harrel been of this small party, the dinner would have been +served in vain; Cecilia, still trembling with emotion, bewildered with +conjecture, angry with Delvile for thus surprising her, angry with +herself for so severely receiving him, amazed what had tempted him to +such a violation of their joint agreement, and irresolute as much what +to wish as what to think, was little disposed for eating, and with +difficulty compelled herself to do the honours of her table. + +Henrietta, whom the sight of Delvile had at once delighted and +disturbed, whom the behaviour of Cecilia had filled with wonder and +consternation, and whom the evident inquietude and disappointment which +that behaviour had given to Delvile, had struck with grief and terror, +could not swallow even a morsel, but having cut her meat about her +plate, gave it, untouched, to a servant. + +Mrs Harrel, however, though she had had her share in the surprise, had +wholly escaped all other emotion; and only concluded in her own mind, +that Cecilia could sometimes be out of humour and ill bred, as well as +the rest of the world. + +While the dessert was serving, a note was brought to Henrietta, which a +servant was waiting in great haste to have answered. + +Henrietta, stranger to all forms of politeness, though by nature soft, +obliging and delicate, opened it immediately; she started as she cast +her eye over it, but blushed, sparkled, and looked enchanted, and +hastily rising, without even a thought of any apology, ran out of the +room to answer it. + +Cecilia, whose quick eye, by a glance unavoidable, had seen the hand +of Delvile, was filled with new amazement at the sight. As soon as the +servants were gone, she begged Mrs Harrel to excuse her, and went to her +own apartment. + +Here, in a few minutes, she was followed by Henrietta, whose countenance +beamed with pleasure, and whose voice spoke tumultuous delight. "My +dear, dear Miss Beverley!" she cried, "I have such a thing to tell +you!--you would never guess it,--I don't know how to believe it +myself,--but Mr Delvile has written to me!--he has indeed! that note was +from him.--I have been locking it up, for fear of accidents, but I'll +run and fetch it, that you may see it yourself." + +She then ran away; leaving Cecilia much perplexed, much uneasy +for herself, and both grieved and alarmed for the too tender, too +susceptible Henrietta, who was thus easily the sport of every airy and +credulous hope. + +"If I did not shew it you," cried Henrietta, running back in a +moment, "you would never think it possible, for it is to make such a +request--that it has frightened me almost out of my wits!" + +Cecilia then read the note. + +_To Miss Belfield_. + +Mr Delvile presents his compliments to Miss Belfield, and begs to +be permitted to wait upon her for a few minutes, at any time in the +afternoon she will be so good as to appoint. + +"Only think," cried the rapturous Henrietta, "it was _me_, poor simple +_me_, of all people, that he wanted so to speak with!--I am sure I +thought a different thought when he went away! but do, dearest Miss +Beverley, tell me this one thing, what do you think he can have to say +to me?" + +"Indeed," replied Cecilia, extremely embarrassed, "it is impossible for +me to conjecture." + +"If _you_ can't, I am sure, then, it is no wonder _I_ can't! and I have +been thinking of a million of things in a minute. It can't be about any +business, because I know nothing in the world of any business; and it +can't be about my brother, because he would go to our house in town +about him, and there he would see him himself; and it can't be about my +dear Miss Beverley, because then he would have written the note to her +and it can't be about any body else, because I know nobody else of his +acquaintance." + +Thus went on the sanguine Henrietta, settling whom and what it could +_not_ be about, till she left but the one thing to which her wishes +pointed that it _could_ be about. Cecilia heard her with true +compassion, certain that she was deceiving herself with imaginations +the most pernicious; yet unable to know how to quell them, while in such +doubt and darkness herself. + +This conversation was soon interrupted, by a message that a gentleman in +the parlour begged to speak with Miss Belfield. + +"O dearest, dearest Miss Beverley!" cried Henrietta, with encreasing +agitation, "what in the world shall I say to him, advise me, pray advise +me, for I can't think of a single word!" + +"Impossible, my dear Henrietta, unless I knew what he would say to you!" + +"O but I can guess, I can guess!"--cried she, her cheeks glowing, while +her whole frame shook, "and I sha'n't know what in the whole world to +answer him! I know I shall behave like a fool,--I know I shall disgrace +myself sadly!" + +Cecilia, truly sorry Delvile should see her in such emotion, endeavoured +earnestly to compose her, though never less tranquil herself. But +she could not succeed, and she went down stairs with expectations of +happiness almost too potent for her reason. + +Not such were those of Cecilia; a dread of some new conflict took +possession of her mind, that mind so long tortured with struggles, so +lately restored to serenity! + +Henrietta soon returned, but not the same Henrietta she went;--the +glow, the hope, the flutter were all over; she looked pale and wan, but +attempting, as she entered the room, to call up a smile, she failed, and +burst into tears. + +Cecilia threw her arms round her neck, and tried to console her; but, +happy to hide her face in her bosom, she only gave the freer indulgence +to her grief, and rather melted than comforted by her tenderness, sobbed +aloud. + +Cecilia too easily conjectured the disappointment she had met, to pain +her by asking it; she forbore even to gratify her own curiosity by +questions that could not but lead to her mortification, and suffering +her therefore to take her own time for what she had to communicate, she +hung over her in silence with the most patient pity. + +Henrietta was very sensible of this kindness, though she knew not half +its merit: but it was a long time before she could articulate, for +sobbing, that _all_ Mr Delvile wanted, at last, was only to beg she +would acquaint Miss Beverley, that he had done himself the honour of +waiting upon her with a message from Mrs Delvile. + +"From Mrs Delvile?" exclaimed Cecilia, all emotion in her turn, "good +heaven! how much, then, have I been to blame? where is he now?--where +can I send to him?--tell me, my sweet Henrietta, this instant!" + +"Oh madam!" cried Henrietta, bursting into a fresh flood of tears, "how +foolish have I been to open my silly heart to you!--he is come to pay +his addresses to you!--I am sure he is!--" + +"No, no, no!" cried Cecilia, "indeed he is not!--but I must, I ought to +see him,--where, my love, is he?", + +"In the parlour,--waiting for an answer.--" + +Cecilia, who at any other time would have been provoked at such a delay +in the delivery of a message so important, felt now nothing but concern +for Henrietta, whom she hastily kissed, but instantly, however, quitted, +and hurried to Delvile, with expectations almost equally sanguine as +those her poor friend but the moment before had crushed. + +"Oh now," thought she, "if at last Mrs Delvile herself has relented, +with what joy will I give up all reserve, all disguise, and frankly avow +the faithful affection of my heart!" + +Delvile received her not with the eagerness with which he had first +addressed her; he looked extremely disturbed, and, even after her +entrance, undetermined how to begin. + +She waited, however, his explanation in silence; and, after an +irresolute pause, he said, with a gravity not wholly free from +resentment, "I presumed, madam, to wait upon you from the permission of +my mother; but I believe I have obtained it so late, that the influence +I hoped from it is past!" + +"I had no means, Sir," answered she, chearfully, "to know that you +came from her: I should else have received her commands without any +hesitation." + +"I would thank you for the honour you do her, were it less pointedly +exclusive. I have, however, no right of reproach! yet suffer me to ask, +could you, madam, after such a parting, after a renunciation so absolute +of all future claim upon you, which though extorted from me by duty, I +was bound, having promised, to fulfil by principle,-could you imagine me +so unsteady, so dishonourable, as to obtrude myself into your presence +while that promise was still in force?" + +"I find," cried Cecilia, in whom a secret hope every moment grew +stronger, "I have been too hasty; I did indeed believe Mrs Delvile would +never authorise such a visit; but as you have so much surprised me, I +have a right to your pardon for a little doubt." + +"There spoke Miss Beverley!" cried Delvile, reanimating at this little +apology, "the same, the unaltered Miss Beverley I hoped to find!--yet +_is_ she unaltered? am I not too precipitate? and is the tale I have +heard about Belfield a dream? an error? a falsehood?" + +"But that so quick a succession of quarrels," said Cecilia, half +smiling, "would be endless perplexity, I, now, would be affronted that +you can ask me such a question." + +"Had I, indeed, _thought_ it a question," cried he, "I would not have +asked it: but never for a moment did I credit it, till the rigour of +your repulse alarmed me. You have condescended, now, to account for +that, and I am therefore encouraged to make known to you the purpose +of my venturing this visit. Yet not with confidence shall I speak +if, scarce even with hope!--it is a purpose that is the offspring of +despair,-- + +"One thing, Sir," cried Cecilia, who now became frightened again, "let +me say before you proceed; if your purpose has not the sanction of Mrs +Delvile, as well as your visit, I would gladly be excused hearing it, +since I shall most certainly refuse it." + +"I would mention nothing," answered he, "without her concurrence; +she has given it me: and my father himself has permitted my present +application." + +"Good Heaven!" cried Cecilia, "is it possible!" clasping her hands +together in the eagerness of her surprise and delight. + +"_Is it possible_!" repeated Delvile, with a look of rapture; "ah Miss +Beverley!--once my own Cecilia!--do you, can you _wish_ it possible?" + +"No, No!" cried she, while pleasure and expectation sparkled in her +eyes, "I wish nothing about it.--Yet tell me how it has happened,--I am +_curious_," added she, smiling, "though not interested in it." + +"What hope would this sweetness give me," cried he, "were my scheme +almost any other than it is!--but you cannot,--no, it would be +unreasonable, it would be madness to expect your compliance!--it is next +to madness even in me to wish it,--but how shall a man who is desperate +be prudent and circumspect?" + +"Spare, spare yourself," cried the ingenuous Cecilia, "this, unnecessary +pain!--you will find from me no unnecessary scruples." + +"You know not what you say!--all noble as you are, the sacrifice I have +to propose--" + +"Speak it," cried she, "with confidence! speak it even with certainty of +success! I will be wholly undisguised, and openly, honestly own to you, +that no proposal, no sacrifice can be mentioned, to which I will not +instantly agree, if first it has had the approbation of Mrs Delvile." + +Delvile's gratitude and thanks for a concession never before so +voluntarily made to him, interrupted for a while, even his power of +explaining himself. And now, for the first time, Cecilia's sincerity was +chearful, since now, for the first time, it seemed opposed by no duty. + +When still, therefore, he hesitated, she herself held out her hand to +him, saying, "what must I do more? must I offer this pledge to you?" + +"For my life would I not resign it!" cried he, delightedly receiving it; +"but oh, how soon will you withdraw it, when the only terms upon which +I can hold it, are those of making it sign from itself its natural right +and inheritance?" + +Cecilia, not comprehending him, only looked amazed, and he proceeded. + +"Can you, for my sake, make such a sacrifice as this? can you for a man +who for yours is not permitted to give up his name, give up yourself the +fortune of your late uncle? consent to such settlements as I can +make upon you from my own? part with so splendid an income wholly and +for-ever?--and with only your paternal L10,000 condescend to become +mine, as if your uncle had never existed, and you had been Heiress to no +other wealth?" + +This, indeed, was a stroke to Cecilia unequalled by any she had met, +and more cruel than any she could have in reserve. At the proposal of +parting with her uncle's fortune, which, desirable as it was, had as +yet been only productive to her of misery, her heart, disinterested, and +wholly careless of money, was prompt to accede to the condition; but at +the mention of her paternal fortune, that fortune, of which, now, not +the smallest vestige remained, horror seized all her faculties! she +turned pale, she trembled, she involuntarily drew back her hand, and +betrayed, by speechless agitation, the sudden agonies of her soul! + +Delvile, struck by this evident dismay, instantly concluded his plan +had disgusted her. He waited some minutes in anxious expectation of an +answer, but finding her silence continued while her emotion encreased, +the deepest crimson dyed his face, and unable to check his chagrin, +though not daring to confess his disappointment, he suddenly quitted +her, and walked, in much disorder, about the room. But soon recovering +some composure, from the assistance of pride, "Pardon, madam," he said, +"a trial such as no man can be vindicated in making. I have indulged a +romantic whim, which your better judgment disapproves, and I receive but +the mortification my presumption deserved." + +"You know not then," said Cecilia, in a faint voice, "my inability to +comply?" + +"Your ability or inability, I presume, are elective?" + +"Oh no!--my power is lost--my fortune itself is gone!" + +"Impossible! utterly impossible!" cried he with vehemence. + +"Oh that it were!--your father knows it but too well." + +"My father!" + +"Did he, then, never hint it to you?" + +"Oh distraction!" cried Delvile, "what horrible confirmation is coming!" +and again he walked away, as if wanting courage to hear her. + +Cecilia was too much shocked to force upon him her explanation; but +presently returning to her, he said, "_you_, only, could have made this +credible!" + +"Had you, then, actually heard it?" + +"Oh I had heard it as the most infamous of falsehoods! my heart swelled +with indignation at so villainous a calumny, and had it not come from my +father, my resentment at it had been inveterate!" + +"Alas!" cried Cecilia, "the fact is undeniable! yet the circumstances +you may have heard with it, are I doubt not exaggerated." + +"Exaggerated indeed!" he answered; "I was told you had been surprised +concealed with Belfield in a back room, I was told that your parental +fortune was totally exhausted, and that during your minority you had +been a dealer with Jews!--I was told all this by my father; you may +believe I had else not easily been made hear it!" + +"Yet thus far," said she, "he told you but what is true; though--" + +"True!" interrupted Delvile, with a start almost frantic. "Oh never, +then, was truth so scandalously wronged!--I denied the whole charge!-I +disbelieved every syllable!--I pledged my own honour to prove every +assertion false!" + +"Generous Delvile!" cried Cecilia, melting into tears, "this is what I +expected from you! and, believe me, in _your_ integrity my reliance had +been similar!" + +"Why does Miss Beverley weep?" cried he, softened, and approaching her, +"and why has she given me this alarm? these things must at least +have been misrepresented, deign, then, to clear up a mystery in which +suspense is torture!" + +Cecilia, then, with what precision and clearness her agitation allowed +her, related the whole history of her taking up the money of the Jew +for Mr Harrel, and told, without reserve, the reason of her trying +to abscond from his father at Mrs Belfield's. Delvile listened to her +account with almost an agony of attention, now admiring her conduct; +now resenting her ill usage; now compassionating her losses; but though +variously moved by different parts, receiving from the whole the delight +he most coveted in the establishment of her innocence. + +Thanks and applause the warmest, both accompanied and followed her +narration; and then, at her request, he related in return the several +incidents and circumstances to which he had owed the permission of this +visit. + +He had meant immediately to have gone abroad; but the indisposition +of his mother made him unwilling to leave the kingdom till her health +seemed in a situation less precarious. That time, however, came not; the +Winter advanced, and she grew evidently worse. He gave over, therefore, +his design till the next Spring, when, if she were able, it was her +desire to try the South of France for her recovery, whither he meant to +conduct her. + +But, during his attendance upon her, the plan he had just mentioned +occurred to him, and he considered how much greater would be his chance +of happiness in marrying Cecilia with scarce any fortune at all, than +in marrying another with the largest. He was convinced she was far other +than expensive, or a lover of shew, and soon flattered himself she might +be prevailed upon to concur with him, that in living together, though +comparatively upon little, they should mutually be happier than in +living asunder upon much. + +When he started this scheme to his mother, she heard it with mingled +admiration of his disinterestedness, and regret at its occasion: yet +the loftiness of her own mind, her high personal value for Cecilia, +her anxiety to see her son finally settled while she lived, lest his +disappointment should keep him single from a lasting disgust, joined to +a dejection of spirits from an apprehension that her interference had +been cruel, all favoured his scheme, and forbid her resistance. She +had often protested, in their former conflicts, that had Cecilia +been portionless, her objections had been less than to an estate so +conditioned; and that to give to her son a woman so exalted in herself, +she would have conquered the mere opposition of interest, though that +of family honour she held invincible. Delvile now called upon her to +remember those words, and ever strict in fidelity, she still promised to +abide by them. + +Ah! thought Cecilia, is virtue, then, as inconsistent as vice? and can +the same character be thus high-souled, thus nobly disinterested with +regard to riches, whose pride is so narrow and so insurmountable, with +respect to family prejudice! + +Yet such a sacrifice from Cecilia herself, whose income intitled her +to settlements the most splendid, Mrs Delvile thought scarcely to be +solicited; but as her son was conscious he gave up in expectation no +less than she would give up in possession, he resolved upon making the +experiment, and felt an internal assurance of success. + +This matter being finally settled with his mother, the harder task +remained of vanquishing the father, by whom, and before whom the name of +Cecilia was never mentioned, not even after his return from town, +though loaded with imaginary charges against her. Mr Delvile held it +a diminution of his own in the honour of his son, to suppose he wanted +still fresh motives for resigning her. He kept, therefore, to himself +the ill opinion he brought down, as a resource in case of danger, but +a resource he disdained to make use of, unless driven to it by absolute +necessity. + +But, at the new proposal of his son, the accusation held in reserve +broke out; he called Cecilia a dabler with Jews, and said she had been +so from the time of her uncle's death; he charged her with the grossest +general extravagance, to which he added a most insidious attack upon her +character, drawn from her visits at Belfield's of long standing, as well +as the particular time when he had himself surprised her concealed with +the young man in a back parlour: and he asserted, that most of the +large sums she was continually taking up from her fortune, were lavished +without scruple upon this dangerous and improper favourite. + +Delvile had heard this accusation with a rage scarce restrained from +violence; confident in her innocence, he boldly pronounced the whole a +forgery, and demanded the author of such cruel defamation. Mr Delvile, +much offended, refused to name any authority, but consented, with an air +of triumph, to abide by the effect of his own proposal, and gave him a +supercilious promise no longer to oppose the marriage, if the terms he +meant to offer to Miss Beverley, of renouncing her uncle's estate, and +producing her father's fortune, were accepted. + +"O little did I credit," said Delvile in conclusion, "that he knew +indeed so well this last condition was impracticable! his assertions +were without proof; I thought them prejudiced surmises; and I came in +the full hope I should convict him of his error. My mother, too, who +warmly and even angrily defended you, was as firmly satisfied as myself +that the whole was a mistake, and that enquiry would prove your fortune +as undiminished as your purity. How will she be shocked at the tale +I have now to unfold! how irritated at your injuries from Harrel! how +grieved that your own too great benevolence should be productive of such +black aspersions upon your character!" + +"I have been," cried Cecilia, "too facile and too unguarded; yet always, +at the moment, I seemed but guided by common humanity. I have ever +thought myself secure of more wealth than I could require, and regarded +the want of money as an evil from which I was unavoidably exempted. My +own fortune, therefore, appeared to me of small consequence, while the +revenue of my uncle insured me perpetual prosperity.--Oh had I foreseen +this moment--" + +"Would you, then, have listened to my romantic proposal?" + +"Would I have listened?--do you not see too plainly I could not have +hesitated!" + +"Oh yet, then, most generous of human beings, yet then be mine! By our +own oeconomy we will pay off our mortgages; by living a while abroad, +we will clear all our estates; I will still keep the name to which my +family is bigotted, and my gratitude for your compliance shall make you +forget what you lose by it!" + +"Speak not to me such words!" cried Cecilia, hastily rising; "your +friends will not listen to them, neither, therefore, must I." + +"My friends," cried he with energy, "are henceforth out of the question: +my father's concurrence with a proposal he _knew_ you had not power to +grant, was in fact a mere permission to insult you; for if, instead of +dark charges, he had given any authority for your losses, I had myself +spared you the shock you have so undeservedly received from hearing +it.--But to consent to a plan which _could_ not be accepted!--to make me +a tool to offer indignity to Miss Beverley!--He has released me from his +power by so erroneous an exertion of it, and my own honour has a claim +to which his commands must give place. That honour binds me to Miss +Beverley as forcibly as my admiration, and no voice but her own shall +determine my future destiny." + +"That voice, then," said Cecilia, "again refers you to your mother. +Mr Delvile, indeed, has not treated me kindly; and this last mock +concession was unnecessary cruelty; but Mrs Delvile merits my utmost +respect, and I will listen to nothing which has not her previous +sanction." + +"But will her sanction be sufficient? and may I hope, in obtaining it, +the security of yours?" + +"When I have said I will hear nothing without it, may you not almost +infer--I will refuse nothing with it!" + +The acknowledgments he would now have poured forth, Cecilia would not +hear, telling him, with some gaiety, they were yet unauthorized by Mrs +Delvile. She insisted upon his leaving her immediately, and never again +returning, without his mother's express approbation. With regard to his +father, she left him totally to his own inclination; she had received +from him nothing but pride and incivility, and determined to skew +publicly her superior respect for Mrs Delvile, by whose discretion and +decision she was content to abide. + +"Will you not, then, from time to time," cried Delvile, "suffer me to +consult with you?" + +"No, no," answered she, "do not ask it! I have never been insincere +with you, never but from motives not to be overcome, reserved even for +a moment; I have told you I will put every thing into the power of +Mrs Delvile, but I will not a second time risk my peace by any action +unknown to her." + +Delvile gratefully acknowledged her goodness, and promised to require +nothing more. He then obeyed her by taking leave, eager himself to put +an end to this new uncertainty, and supplicating only that her good +wishes might follow his enterprise. + +And thus, again, was wholly broken the tranquility of Cecilia; new +hopes, however faint, awakened all her affections, and strong fears, but +too reasonable, interrupted her repose. Her destiny, once more, was +as undecided as ever, and the expectations she had crushed, retook +possession of her heart. + +The suspicions she had conceived of Mr Monckton again occurred to her; +though unable to ascertain and unwilling to believe them, she tried to +drive them from her thoughts. She lamented, however, with bitterness, +her unfortunate connexion with Mr Harrel, whose unworthy impositions +upon her kindness of temper and generosity, now proved to her an evil +far more serious and extensive, than in the midst of her repugnance to +them she had ever apprehended. + + + +CHAPTER ix. + +A SUSPENSE. + +Delvile had been gone but a short time, before Henrietta, her eyes still +red, though no longer streaming, opened the parlour door, and asked if +she might come in? + +Cecilia wished to be alone, yet could not refuse her. + +"Well, madam," cried she, with a forced smile, and constrained air of +bravery, "did not I guess right?" + +"In what?" said Cecilia, unwilling to understand her. + +"In what I said would happen?--I am sure you know what I mean." + +Cecilia, extremely embarrassed, made no answer; she much regretted the +circumstances which had prevented an earlier communication, and was +uncertain whether, now, it would prove most kind or most cruel to +acquaint her with what was in agitation, which, should it terminate in +nothing, was unnecessarily wounding her delicacy for the openness of her +confidence, and which, however serviceable it might prove to her in +the end, was in the means so rough and piercing she felt the utmost +repugnance to the experiment. + +"You think me, madam, too free," said Henrietta, "in asking such a +question; and indeed your kindness has been so great, it may well make +me forget myself: but if it does, I am sure I deserve you should send me +home directly, and then there is not much fear I shall soon be brought +to my senses!" + +"No, my dear Henrietta, I can never think you too free; I have told +you already every thing I thought you would have pleasure in hearing; +whatever I have concealed, I have been fearful would only pain you." + +"I have _deserved_, madam," said she, with spirit, "to be pained, for +I have behaved with the folly of a baby. I am very angry with myself +indeed! I was old enough to have known better,--and I ought to have been +wise enough." + +"You must then be angry with yourself, next," said Cecilia, anxious +to re-encourage her, "for all the love that I bear you; since to your +openness and frankness it was entirely owing." + +"But there are some things that people should _not_ be frank in; +however, I am only come now to beg you will tell me, madam, when it is +to be;--and don't think I ask out of nothing but curiosity, for I have a +very great reason for it indeed." + +"What be, my dear Henrietta?--you are very rapid in your ideas!" + +"I will tell you, madam, what my reason is; I shall go away to my +own home,--and so I would if it were ten times a worse home than it +is!--just exactly the day before. Because afterwards I shall never like +to look that gentleman in the face,--never, never!--for married ladies I +know are not to be trusted!" + +"Be not apprehensive; you have no occasion. Whatever may be my fate, I +will never be so treacherous as to betray my beloved Henrietta to _any_ +body." + +"May I ask you, madam, one question?" + +"Certainly." + +"Why did all this never happen before?" + +"Indeed," cried Cecilia, much distressed, "I know not that it will +happen now." + +"Why what, dear madam, can hinder it?" + +"A thousand, thousand things! nothing can be less secure." + +"And then I am still as much puzzled as ever. I heard, a good while ago, +and we all heard that it was to be; and I thought that it was no wonder, +I am sure, for I used often to think it was just what was most likely; +but afterwards we heard it was no such thing, and from that moment I +always believed there had been nothing at all in it." + +"I must speak to you, I find, with sincerity; my affairs have long been +in strange perplexity: I have not known myself what to expect; one day +has perpetually reversed the prospect of another, and my mind has been +in a state of uncertainty and disorder, that has kept it--that still +keeps it from comfort and from rest!" + +"This surprises me indeed, madam! I thought _you_ were all happiness! +but I was sure you deserved it, and I thought you had it for that +reward. And this has been the thing that has made me behave so wrong; +for I took it into my head I might tell you every thing, because I +concluded it could be nothing to you; for if great people loved one +another, I always supposed they married directly; poor people, indeed, +must stay till they are able to settle; but what in the whole world, +thought I, if they like one another, should hinder such a rich lady as +Miss Beverley from marrying such a rich gentleman at once?" + +Cecilia now, finding there was no longer any chance for concealment, +thought it better to give the poor Henrietta at least the gratification +of unreserved confidence, which might somewhat sooth her uneasiness by +proving her reliance in her faith. She frankly, therefore, confessed +to her the whole of her situation. Henrietta wept at the recital with +bitterness, thought Mr Delvile a monster, and Mrs Delvile herself scarce +human; pitied Cecilia with unaffected tenderness, and wondered that the +person could exist who had the heart to give grief to young Delvile! She +thanked her most gratefully for reposing such trust in her; and Cecilia +made use of this opportunity, to enforce the necessity of her struggling +more seriously to recover her indifferency. + +She promised she would not fail; and forbore steadily from that time to +name Delvile any more: but the depression of her spirits shewed she had +suffered a disappointment such as astonished even Cecilia. Though modest +and humble, she had conceived hopes the most romantic, and though +she denied, even to herself, any expectations from Delvile, she +involuntarily nourished them with the most sanguine simplicity. To +compose and to strengthen her became the whole business of Cecilia; who, +during her present suspense, could find no other employment in which she +could take any interest. + +Mr Monckton, to whom nothing was unknown that related to Cecilia, was +soon informed of Delvile's visit, and hastened in the utmost alarm, +to learn its event. She had now lost all the pleasure she had formerly +derived from confiding in him, but though averse and confused, could not +withstand his enquiries. + +Unlike the tender Henrietta's was his disappointment at this relation, +and his rage at such repeated trials was almost more than he could curb. +He spared neither the Delviles for their insolence of mutability in +rejecting or seeking her at their pleasure, nor herself for her easiness +of submission in being thus the dupe of their caprices. The subject +was difficult for Cecilia to dilate upon; she wished to clear, as he +deserved, Delvile himself from any share in the censure, and she felt +hurt and offended at the charge of her own improper readiness; yet shame +and pride united in preventing much vindication of either, and she heard +almost in silence what with pain she bore to hear at all. + +He now saw, with inexpressible disturbance, that whatever was his +power to make her uneasy, he had none to make her retract, and that the +conditional promise she had given Delvile to be wholly governed by his +mother, she was firm in regarding to be as sacred as one made at the +altar. + +Perceiving this, he dared trust his temper with no further debate; he +assumed a momentary calmness for the purpose of taking leave of her, +and with pretended good wishes for her happiness, whatever might be her +determination, he stifled the reproaches with which his whole heart was +swelling, and precipitately left her. + +Cecilia, affected by his earnestness, yet perplexed in all her opinions, +was glad to be relieved from useless exhortations, and not sorry, in her +present uncertainty, that his visit was not repeated. + +She neither saw nor heard from Delvile for a week, and augured nothing +but evil from such delay. The following letter then came by the post. + +_To Miss Beverley. April 2d_, 1780 + +I must write without comments, for I dare not trust myself with making +any; I must write without any beginning address, for I know not how you +will permit me to address you. + +I have lived a life of tumult since last compelled to leave you, and +when it may subside, I am still in utter ignorance. + +The affecting account of the losses you have suffered through your +beneficence to the Harrels, and the explanatory one of the calumnies you +have sustained from your kindness to the Belfields, I related with the +plainness which alone I thought necessary to make them felt. I then told +the high honour I had received, in meeting with no other repulse to my +proposal, than was owing to an inability to accede to it; and informed +my mother of the condescending powers with which you had invested her. +In conclusion I mentioned my new scheme, and firmly, before I would +listen to any opposition, I declared that though wholly to their +decision I left the relinquishing my own name or your fortune, I was not +only by your generosity more internally yours than ever, but that since +again I had ventured, and with permission to apply to you, I should hold +myself hence forward unalterably engaged to you. + +And so I do, and so I shall! nor, after a renewal so public, will any +prohibition but yours have force to keep me from throwing myself at your +feet. + +My father's answer I will not mention; I would I could forget it! his +prejudices are irremediable, his resolutions are inflexible. Who or what +has worked him into an animosity so irreclaimable, I cannot conjecture, +nor will he tell; but something darkly mysterious has part in his wrath +and his injustice. + +My mother was much affected by your reference to herself. Words of the +sweetest praise broke repeatedly from her; no other such woman, she +said, existed; no other such instance could be found of fidelity +so exalted! her son must have no heart but for low and mercenary +selfishness, if, after a proof of regard so unexampled, he could bear +to live without her! Oh how did such a sentence from lips so highly +reverenced, animate, delight, confirm, and oblige me at once! + +The displeasure of my father at this declaration was dreadful; his +charges, always as improbable as injurious, now became too horrible +for my ears; he disbelieved you had taken up the money for Harrel, he +discredited that you visited the Belfields for Henrietta: passion not +merely banished his justice, but, clouded his reason, and I soon left +the room, that at least I might not hear the aspersions he forbid me to +answer. + +I left not, however, your fame to a weak champion: my mother defended it +with all the spirit of truth, and all the confidence of similar virtue! +yet they parted without conviction, and so mutually irritated with each +other, that they agreed to meet no more. + +This was too terrible! and I instantly consolidated my resentment to +my father, and my gratitude to my mother, into concessions and +supplications to both; I could not, however, succeed; my mother was +deeply offended, my father was sternly inexorable: nor here rests +the evil of their dissention, for the violence of the conflict has +occasioned a return more alarming than ever of the illness of my mother. + +All her faith in her recovery is now built upon going abroad; she is +earnest to set off immediately; but Dr Lyster has advised her to make +London in her way, and have a consultation of physicians before she +departs. + +To this she has agreed; and we are now upon the road thither. + +Such is, at present, the melancholy state of my affairs. My mother +_advised_ me to write; forgive me, therefore, that I waited not +something more decisive to say. I could prevail upon neither party +to meet before the journey; nor could I draw from my father the base +fabricator of the calumnies by which he has been thus abused. + +Unhappily, I have nothing more to add: and whether intelligence, such +as this, or total suspense, would be least irksome, I know not. If my +mother bears her journey tolerably well, I have yet one more effort +to make; and of that the success or the failure will be instantly +communicated to Miss Beverley, by her eternally devoted, but half +distracted. + +Mortimer Delvile. + +Scarcely could Cecilia herself decide whether this comfortless letter +or none at all were preferable. The implacability of Mr Delvile was +shocking, but his slandering her character was still more intolerable; +yet the praises of the mother, and her generous vindication, joined to +the invariable reliance of Delvile upon her innocence, conferred upon +her an honour that offered some alleviation. + +The mention of a fabricator again brought Mr Monckton to her mind, and +not all her unwillingness to think him capable of such treachery, could +now root out her suspicions. Delvile's temper, however, she knew was too +impetuous to be trusted with this conjecture, and her fear of committing +injustice being thus seconded by prudence, she determined to keep to +herself doubts that could not without danger be divulged. + +She communicated briefly to Henrietta, who looked her earnest curiosity, +the continuance of her suspense; and to her own fate Henrietta became +somewhat more reconciled, when she saw that no station in life rendered +happiness certain or permanent. + + + +CHAPTER x. + +A RELATION. + +Another week past still without any further intelligence. Cecilia was +then summoned to the parlour, and to Delvile himself. + +He looked hurried and anxious; yet the glow of his face, and the +animation of his eyes, immediately declared he at least came not to take +leave of her. + +"Can you forgive," cried he, "the dismal and unsatisfactory letter I +wrote you? I would not disobey you twice in the same manner, and I could +not till now have written in any other." + +"The consultation with the physicians, then," said Cecilia, "is over?" + +"Alas, yes; and the result is most alarming; they all agree my mother is +in a dangerous way, and they rather forbear to oppose, than advise her +going abroad: but upon that she is earnestly bent, and intends to set +out without delay. I shall return to her, therefore, with all speed, and +mean not to take any rest till I have seen her." + +Cecilia expressed with tenderness her sorrow for Mrs Delvile: nor were +her looks illiberal in including her son in her concern. + +"I must hasten," he cried, "to the credentials by which I am authorised +for coming, and I must hasten to prove if Miss Beverley has not +flattered my mother in her appeal." + +He then informed her that Mrs Delvile, apprehensive for herself, and +softened for him by the confession of her danger, which she had extorted +from her physicians, had tenderly resolved upon making one final effort +for his happiness, and ill and impatient as she was, upon deferring her +journey to wait its effect. + +Generously, therefore, giving up her own resentment, she wrote to Mr +Delvile in terms of peace and kindness, lamenting their late dissention, +and ardently expressing her desire to be reconciled to him before she +left England. She told him the uncertainty of her recovery which had +been acknowledged by her physicians, who had declared a calmer mind +was more essential to her than a purer air. She then added, that such +serenity was only to be given her, by the removal of her anxiety at the +comfortless state of her son. She begged him, therefore, to make known +the author of Miss Beverley's defamation, assuring him, that upon +enquiry, he would find her character and her fame as unsullied as his +own; and strongly representing, that after the sacrifice to which she +had consented, their son would be utterly dishonourable in thinking of +any other connexion. She then to this reasoning joined the most earnest +supplication, protesting, in her present disordered state, of health, +her life might pay the forfeiture of her continual uneasiness. + +"I held out," she concluded, "while his personal dignity, and the honour +of his name and family were endangered; but where interest alone is +concerned, and that interest is combated by the peace of his mind, and +the delicacy of his word, my opposition is at an end. And though our +extensive and well founded views for a splendid alliance are abolished, +you will agree with me hereafter, upon a closer inspection, that the +object for whom he relinquishes them, offers in herself the noblest +reparation." + +Cecilia felt gratified, humbled, animated and depressed at once by this +letter, of which Delvile brought her a copy. "And what," cried she, "was +the answer?" + +"I cannot in decency," he replied, "speak my opinion of it: read it +yourself,--and let me hear yours." + +_To the Honourable Mrs Delvile_. + +Your extraordinary letter, madam, has extremely surprised me. I had been +willing to hope the affair over from the time my disapprobation of it +was formally announced. I am sorry you are so much indisposed, but I +cannot conclude your health would be restored by my acceding to a plan +so derogatory to my house. I disapprove it upon every account, not only +of the name and the fortune, but the lady herself. I have reasons more +important than those I assign, but they are such as I am bound in +honour not to mention. After such a declaration, nobody, I presume, will +affront me by asking them. Her defence you have only from herself, +her accusation I have received from authority less partial. I command, +therefore, that my son, upon pain of my eternal displeasure, may never +speak to me on the subject again, and I hope, madam, from you the same +complaisance to my request. I cannot explain myself further, nor is it +necessary; it is no news, I flatter myself, to Mortimer Delvile or his +mother, that I do nothing without reason, and I believe nothing upon +slight grounds. + +A few cold compliments concerning her journey, and the re-establishment +of her health, concluded the letter. + +Cecilia, having read, hastily returned it, and indignantly said, "My +opinion, Sir, upon this letter, must surely be yours; that we had done +wiser, long since, to have spared your mother and ourselves, those vain +and fruitless conflicts which we ought better to have foreseen were +liable to such a conclusion. Now, at least, let them be ended, and let +us not pursue disgrace wilfully, after suffering from it with so much +rigour involuntarily." + +"O no," cried Delvile, "rather let us now spurn it for ever! those +conflicts must indeed be ended, but not by a separation still more +bitter than all of them." + +He then told her, that his mother, highly offended to observe by the +extreme coldness of this letter, the rancour he still nourished for +the contest preceding her leaving him, no longer now refused even her +separate consent, for a measure which she thought her son absolutely +engaged to take. + +"Good heaven!" cried Cecilia, much amazed, "this from Mrs Delvile!--a +separate consent?"-- + +"She has always maintained," he answered, "an independent mind, +always judged for herself, and refused all other arbitration: when so +impetuously she parted us, my father's will happened to be her's, and +thence their concurrence: my father, of a temper immoveable and stern, +retains stubbornly the prejudices which once have taken possession +of him; my mother, generous as fiery, and noble as proud, is open to +conviction, and no sooner convinced, than ingenuous in acknowledging it: +and thence their dissention. From my father I may hope forgiveness, but +must never expect concession; from my mother I may hope all she ought +to grant, for pardon but her vehemence,--and she has every great quality +that can dignify human nature!" + +Cecilia, whose affection and reverence for Mrs Delvile were unfeigned, +and who loved in her son this filial enthusiasm, readily concurred with +him in praising her, and sincerely esteemed her the first among women. + +"Now, then," cried he, with earnestness, "now is the time when your +generous admiration of her is put to the test; see what she writes +to you;--she has left to me all explanation: but I insisted upon some +credential, lest you should believe I only owed her concurrence to a +happy dream." + +Cecilia in much trepidation took the letter, and hastily run it over. + +_To Miss Beverley_. + +Misery, my sweet young friend, has long been busy with us all; much have +we owed to the clash of different interests, much to that rapacity +which to enjoy any thing, demands every thing, and much to that general +perverseness which labours to place happiness in what is with-held. +Thus do we struggle on till we can struggle no longer; the felicity +with which we trifle, at best is but temporary; and before reason and +reflection shew its value, sickness and sorrow are commonly become +stationary. + +Be it yours, my love, and my son's, to profit by the experience, while +you pity the errors, of the many who illustrate this truth. Your mutual +partiality has been mutually unfortunate, and must always continue +so for the interests of both: but how blind is it to wait, in our own +peculiar lots, for that perfection of enjoyment we can all see wanting +in the lot of others! My expectations for my son had "outstepped the +modesty of" probability. I looked for rank and high birth, with +the fortune of Cecilia, and Cecilia's rare character. Alas! a new +constellation in the heavens might as rationally have been looked for! + +My extravagance, however, has been all for his felicity, dearer to me +than life,--dearer to me than all things but his own honour! Let us but +save that, and then let wealth, ambition, interest, grandeur and pride, +since they cannot constitute his happiness, be removed from destroying +it. I will no longer play the tyrant that, weighing good and evil by my +own feelings and opinions, insists upon his acting by the notions I have +formed, whatever misery they may bring him by opposing all his own. + +I leave the kingdom with little reason to expect I shall return to it; +I leave it--Oh blindness of vanity and passion!--from the effect of +that violence with which so lately I opposed what now I am content to +advance! But the extraordinary resignation to which you have agreed, +shews your heart so wholly my son's, and so even more than worthy the +whole possession of his, that it reflects upon him an honour more bright +and more alluring, than any the most illustrious other alliance could +now confer. + +I would fain see you ere I go, lest I should see you no more; fain +ratify by word of mouth the consent that by word of mouth I so +absolutely refused! I know not how to come to Suffolk,--is it not +possible you can come to London? I am told you leave to me the +arbitration of your fate, in giving you to my son, I best shew my sense +of such an honour. + +Hasten then, my love, to town, that I may see you once more! wait no +longer a concurrence thus unjustly with-held, but hasten, that I may +bless the daughter I have so often wished to own! that I may entreat her +forgiveness for all the pain I have occasioned her, and committing to +her charge the future happiness of my son, fold to my maternal heart the +two objects most dear to it! + +AUGUSTA DELVILE. + + + +Cecilia wept over this letter with tenderness, grief and alarm; but +declared, had it even summoned her to follow her abroad, she could not, +after reading it, have hesitated in complying. + +"O now, then," cried Delvile, "let our long suspenses end! hear me with +the candour; my mother has already listened to me--be mine, my Cecilia, +at once,--and force me not, by eternal scruples, to risk another +separation." + +"Good heaven, Sir!" cried Cecilia, starting, "in such a state as Mrs +Delvile thinks herself, would you have her journey delayed?" + +"No, not a moment! I would but ensure you mine, and go with her all over +the world!" + +"Wild and impossible!--and what is to be done with Mr Delvile?" + +"It is on his account wholly I am thus earnestly precipitate. If I do +not by an immediate marriage prevent his further interference, all I +have already suffered may again be repeated, and some fresh contest with +my mother may occasion another relapse." + +Cecilia, who now understood him, ardently protested she would not listen +for a moment to any clandestine expedient. + +He besought her to be patient; and then anxiously represented to +her their peculiar situations. All application to his father he was +peremptorily forbid making, all efforts to remove his prejudices their +impenetrable mystery prevented; a public marriage, therefore, with such +obstacles, would almost irritate him to phrenzy, by its daring defiance +of his prohibition and authority. + +"Alas!" exclaimed Cecilia, "we can never do right but in parting!" + +"Say it not," cried he, "I conjure you! we shall yet live, I hope, to +prove the contrary." + +"And can you, then," cried she, reproachfully, "Oh Mr Delvile! can you +again urge me to enter your family in secret?" + +"I grieve, indeed," he answered, "that your goodness should so severely +be tried; yet did you not condescend to commit the arbitration to my +mother?" + +"True; and I thought her approbation would secure my peace of mind; but +how could I have expected Mrs Delvile's consent to such a scheme!" + +"She has merely accorded it from a certainty there is no other resource. +Believe me, therefore, my whole hope rests upon your present compliance. +My father, I am certain, by his letter, will now hear neither petition +nor defence; on the contrary, he will only enrage at the temerity of +offering to confute him. But when he knows you are his daughter, his +honour will then be concerned in yours, and it will be as much his +desire to have it cleared, as it is now to have it censured." + +"Wait at least your return, and let us try what can be done with him." + +"Oh why," cried Delvile, with much earnestness, "must I linger out month +after month in this wretched uncertainty! If I wait I am undone! my +father, by the orders I must unavoidably leave, will discover the +preparations making without his consent, and he will work upon you in my +absence, and compel you to give me up!" + +"Are you sure," said she, half smiling, "he would have so much power?" + +"I am but too sure, that the least intimation, in his present irritable +state of mind, reaching him of my intentions, would make him not +scruple, in his fury, pronouncing some malediction upon my disobedience +that _neither_ of us, I must own, could tranquilly disregard." + +This was an argument that came home to Cecilia, whose deliberation upon +it, though silent, was evidently not unfavourable. + +He then told her that with respect to settlements, he would instantly +have a bond drawn up, similar to that prepared for their former intended +union, which should be properly signed and sealed, and by which he would +engage himself to make, upon coming to his estate, the same settlement +upon her that was made upon his mother. + +"And as, instead of keeping up three houses," he continued, "in the +manner my father does at present, I mean to put my whole estate _out to +nurse_, while we reside for a while abroad, or in the country, I doubt +not but in a very few years we shall be as rich and as easy as we shall +desire." + +He told her, also, of his well-founded expectations from the Relations +already mentioned; which the concurrence of his mother with his marriage +would thence forward secure to him. + +He then, with more coherence, stated his plan at large. He purposed, +without losing a moment, to return to London; he conjured her, in the +name of his mother, to set out herself early the next day, that the +following evening might be dedicated wholly to Mrs Delvile: through her +intercession he might then hope Cecilia's compliance, and every thing on +the morning after should be prepared for their union. The long-desired +ceremony over, he would instantly ride post to his father, and pay him, +at least, the respect of being the first to communicate it. He would +then attend his mother to the Continent, and leave the arrangement +of everything to his return. "Still, therefore, as a single man," he +continued, "I mean to make the journey, and I shall take care, by the +time I return, to have all things in readiness for claiming my sweet +Bride. Tell me, then, now, if you can reasonably oppose this plan?" + +"Indeed," said Cecilia, after some hesitation, "I cannot see the +necessity of such violent precipitancy." + +"Do you not try me too much," cried Delvile, impatiently, "to talk now +of precipitancy! after such painful waiting, such wearisome expectation! +I ask you not to involve your own affairs in confusion by accompanying +me abroad; sweet to me as would be such an indulgence, I would not make +a run-away of you in the opinion of the world. All I wish is the secret +certainty I cannot be robbed of you, that no cruel machinations may +again work our separation, that you are mine, unalterably mine, beyond +the power of caprice or ill fortune." + +Cecilia made no answer; tortured with irresolution, she knew not upon +what to determine. + +"We might then, according to the favour or displeasure of my father, +settle wholly abroad for the present, or occasionally visit him in +England; my mother would be always and openly our friend--Oh be firm, +then, I conjure you, to the promise you have given her, and deign to be +mine on the conditions she prescribes. She will be bound to you for ever +by so generous a concession, and even her health may be restored by the +cessation of her anxieties. With such a wife, such a mother, what +will be wanting for _me_! Could I lament not being richer, I must be +rapacious indeed!--Speak, then, my Cecilia! relieve me from the agony +of this eternal uncertainty, and tell me your word is invariable as your +honour, and tell me my mother gives not her sanction in vain!" + +Cecilia sighed deeply, but, after some hesitation, said, "I little knew +what I had promised, nor know I now what to perform!--there must ever, I +find, be some check to human happiness! yet, since upon these terms, Mrs +Delvile herself is content to wish me of her family--" + +She stopt; but, urged earnestly by Delvile, added "I must not, I think, +withdraw the powers with which I entrusted her." + +Delvile, grateful and enchanted, now forgot his haste and his business, +and lost every wish but to re-animate her spirits: she compelled him, +however, to leave her, that his visit might less be wondered at, and +sent by him a message to Mrs. Delvile, that, wholly relying upon her +wisdom, she implicitly submitted to her decree. + + + +CHAPTER xi. + +AN ENTERPRISE. + +Cecilia now had no time for afterthoughts or anxious repentance, since +notwithstanding the hurry of her spirits, and the confusion of her mind, +she had too much real business, to yield to pensive indulgence. + +Averse to all falsehood, she invented none upon this occasion; she +merely told her guests she was summoned to London upon an affair of +importance; and though she saw their curiosity, not being at liberty to +satisfy it with the truth, she attempted not to appease it by fiction, +but quietly left it to its common fare, conjecture. She would gladly +have made Henrietta the companion of her journey, but Henrietta was the +last to whom that journey could give pleasure. She only, therefore, took +her maid in the chaise, and, attended by one servant on horseback, at +six o'clock the next morning, she quitted her mansion, to enter into an +engagement by which soon she was to resign it for ever. + +Disinterested as she was, she considered her situation as peculiarly +perverse, that from the time of her coming to a fortune which most +others regarded as enviable, she had been a stranger to peace, a +fruitless seeker of happiness, a dupe to the fraudulent, and a prey to +the needy! the little comfort she had received, had been merely from +dispensing it, and now only had she any chance of being happy herself, +when upon the point of relinquishing what all others built their +happiness upon obtaining! + +These reflections only gave way to others still more disagreeable; she +was now a second time engaged in a transaction she could not approve, +and suffering the whole peace of her future life to hang upon an action +dark, private and imprudent: an action by which the liberal kindness of +her late uncle would be annulled, by which the father of her intended +husband would be disobeyed, and which already, in a similar instance, +had brought her to affliction and disgrace. These melancholy thoughts +haunted her during the whole journey, and though the assurance of +Mrs Delvile's approbation was some relief to her uneasiness, she +involuntarily prepared herself for meeting new mortifications, and was +tormented with an apprehension that this second attempt made her merit +them. + +She drove immediately, by the previous direction of Delvile, to a +lodging-house in Albemarle Street, which he had taken care to have +prepared for her reception. She then sent for a chair, and went to Mrs +Delvile's. Her being seen by the servants of that house was not very +important, as their master was soon to be acquainted with the real +motive of her journey. + +She was shewn into a parlour, while Mrs Delvile was informed of her +arrival, and there flown to by Delvile with the most grateful eagerness. +Yet she saw in his countenance that all was not well, and heard upon +enquiry that his mother was considerably worse. Extremely shocked +by this intelligence, she already began to lament her unfortunate +enterprise. Delvile struggled, by exerting his own spirits, to restore +hers, but forced gaiety is never exhilarating; and, full of care and +anxiety, he was ill able to appear sprightly and easy. + +They were soon summoned upstairs into the apartment of Mrs Delvile, who +was lying upon a couch, pale, weak, and much altered. Delvile led the +way, saying, "Here, madam, comes one whose sight will bring peace and +pleasure to you!" + +"This, indeed," cried Mrs Delvile, half rising and embracing her, "is +the form in which they are most welcome to me! virtuous, noble Cecilia! +what honour you do my son! with what joy, should I ever recover, shall I +assist him in paying the gratitude he owes you!" + +Cecilia, grieved at her situation, and affected by her kindness, could +only answer with her tears; which, however, were not shed alone; for +Delvile's eyes were full, as he passionately exclaimed, "This, this is +the sight my heart has thus long desired! the wife of my choice taken +to the bosom of the parent I revere! be yet but well, my beloved mother, +and I will be thankful for every calamity that has led to so sweet a +conclusion!" + +"Content yourself, however, my son, with one of us," cried Mrs Delvile, +smiling; "and content yourself, if you can, though your hard lot should +make that one this creature of full bloom, health, and youth! Ah, my +love," added she, more seriously, and addressing the still weeping +Cecilia, "should now Mortimer, in losing me, lose those cares by which +alone, for some months past, my life has been rendered tolerable, how +peaceably shall I resign him to one so able to recompense his filial +patience and services!" + +This was not a speech to stop the tears of Cecilia, though such warmth +of approbation quieted her conscientious scruples. Delvile now earnestly +interfered; he told her that his mother had been ordered not to talk or +exert herself, and entreated her to be composed, and his mother to be +silent. + +"Be it _your_ business, then," said Mrs Delvile, more gaily, "to find +us entertainment. We will promise to be very still if you will take that +trouble upon yourself." + +"I will not," answered he, "be rallied from my purpose; if I cannot +entertain, it will be something to weary you, for that may incline you +to take rest, which will he answering a better purpose." + +"Mortimer," returned she, "is this the ingenuity of duty or of love? +and which are you just now thinking of, my health, or a conversation +uninterrupted with Miss Beverley?" + +"Perhaps a little of both!" said he, chearfully, though colouring. + +"But you rather meant it should pass," said Mrs Delvile, "you were +thinking only of me? I have always observed, that where one scheme +answers two purposes, the ostensive is never the purpose most at heart." + +"Why it is but common prudence," answered Delvile, "to feel our way a +little before we mention what we most wish, and so cast the hazard of +the refusal upon something rather less important." + +"Admirably settled!" cried Mrs Delvile: "so my rest is but to prove Miss +Beverley's disturbance!--Well, it is only anticipating our future way of +life, when her disturbance, in taking the management of you to herself, +will of course prove my rest." + +She then quietly reposed herself, and Delvile discoursed with Cecilia +upon their future plans, hopes and actions. + +He meant to set off from the church-door to Delvile Castle, to acquaint +his father with his marriage, and then to return instantly to London: +there he entreated Cecilia to stay with his mother, that, finding them +both together, he might not exhaust her patience, by making his parting +visit occasion another journey to Suffolk. + +But here Cecilia resolutely opposed him; saying, her only chance to +escape discovery, was going instantly to her own house; and representing +so earnestly her desire that their marriage should be unknown till his +return to England, upon a thousand motives of delicacy, propriety, and +fearfulness, that the obligation he owed already to a compliance which +he saw grew more and more reluctant, restrained him both in gratitude +and pity from persecuting her further. Neither would she consent to +seeing him in Suffolk; which could but delay his mother's journey, and +expose her to unnecessary suspicions; she promised, however, to write +to him often, and as, from his mother's weakness, he must travel very +slowly, she took a plan of his route, and engaged that he should find a +letter from her at every great town. + +The bond which he had already had altered, he insisted upon leaving in +her own custody, averse to applying to Mr Monckton, whose behaviour to +him had before given him disgust, and in whom Cecilia herself no +longer wished to confide. He had again applied to the same lawyer, Mr +Singleton, to give her away; for though to his secrecy he had no tie, he +had still less to any entire stranger. Mrs Delvile was too ill to attend +them to church, nor would Delvile have desired from her such absolute +defiance of his father. + +Cecilia now gave another sigh to her departed friend Mrs Charlton, whose +presence upon this awful occasion would else again have soothed and +supported her. She had no female friend in whom she could rely; but +feeling a repugnance invincible to being accompanied only by men, she +accepted the attendance of Mrs Delvile's own woman, who had lived many +years in the family, and was high in the favour and confidence of her +lady. + +The arrangement of these and other articles, with occasional +interruptions from Mrs Delvile, fully employed the evening. Delvile +would not trust again to meeting her at the church; but begged her to +send out her servants between seven and eight o'clock in the morning, at +which time he would himself call for her with a chair. + +She went away early, that Mrs Delvile might go to rest, and it was +mutually agreed they should risk no meeting the next day. Delvile +conjured them to part with firmness and chearfulness, and Cecilia, +fearing her own emotion, would have retired without bidding her adieu. +But Mrs Delvile, calling after her, said, "Take with you my blessing!" +and tenderly embracing her, added, "My son, as my chief nurse, claims +a prescriptive right to govern me, but I will break from his control to +tell my sweet Cecilia what ease and what delight she has already given +to my mind! my best hope of recovery is founded on the pleasure I +anticipate to witnessing your mutual happiness: but should my illness +prove fatal, and that felicity be denied me, my greatest earthly care is +already removed by the security I feel of Mortimer's future peace. Take +with you, then, my blessing, for you are become one to me! long daughter +of my affection, now wife of my darling son! love her, Mortimer, as +she merits, and cherish her with tenderest gratitude!--banish, sweetest +Cecilia, every apprehension that oppresses you, and receive in Mortimer +Delvile a husband that will revere your virtues, and dignify your +choice!" + +She then embraced her again, and seeing that her heart was too full for +speech, suffered her to go without making any answer. Delvile attended +her to her chair, scarce less moved than herself, and found only +opportunity to entreat her punctuality the next morning. + +She had, indeed, no inclination to fail in her appointment, or risk +the repetition of scenes so affecting, or situations so alarming. Mrs +Delvile's full approbation somewhat restored to her her own, but nothing +could remove the fearful anxiety, which still privately tormented her +with expectations of another disappointment. + +The next morning she arose with the light, and calling all her courage +to her aid, determined to consider this day as decisive of her destiny +with regard to Delvile, and, rejoicing that at least all suspense would +be over, to support herself with fortitude, be that destiny what it +might. + +At the appointed time she sent her maid to visit Mrs Hill, and gave some +errands to her man that carried him to a distant part of the town: but +she charged them both to return to the lodgings by nine o'clock, at +which hour she ordered a chaise for returning into the country. + +Delvile, who was impatiently watching for their quitting the house, only +waited till they were out of sight, to present himself at the door. He +was shewn into a parlour, where she instantly attended him; and being +told that the clergyman, Mr Singleton, and Mrs Delvile's woman, were +already in the church, she gave him her hand in silence, and he led her +to the chair. + +The calmness of stifled hope had now taken place in Cecilia of quick +sensations and alarm. Occupied with a firm belief she should never be +the wife of Delvile, she only waited, with a desperate sort of patience, +to see when and by whom she was next to be parted from him. + +When they arrived near the church, Delvile stopt the chair. He handed +Cecilia out of it, and discharging the chairmen, conducted her into the +church. He was surprised himself at her composure, but earnestly wishing +it to last, took care not to say to her a word that should make any +answer from her necessary. + +He gave her, as before, to Mr Singleton, secretly praying that not, as +before, she might be given him in vain: Mrs Delvile's woman attended +her; the clergyman was ready, and they all proceeded to the altar. + +The ceremony was begun; Cecilia, rather mechanically than with +consciousness, appearing to listen to it but at the words, _If any man +can shew any just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together_, +Delvile himself shook with terror, lest some concealed person should +again answer it, and Cecilia, with a sort of steady dismay in her +countenance, cast her eyes round the church, with no other view than +that of seeing from what corner the prohibiter would start. + +She looked, however, to no purpose; no prohibiter appeared, the ceremony +was performed without any interruption, and she received the thanks +of Delvile, and the congratulations of the little set, before the idea +which had so strongly pre-occupied her imagination, was sufficiently +removed from it to satisfy her she was really married. + +They then went to the vestry, where their business was not long; and +Delvile again put Cecilia into a chair, which again he accompanied on +foot. + +Her sensibility now soon returned, though still attended with +strangeness and a sensation of incredulity. But the sight of Delvile at +her lodgings, contrary to their agreement, wholly recovered her +senses from the stupor which had dulled them. He came, however, but to +acknowledge how highly she had obliged him, to see her himself restored +to the animation natural to her, character, and to give her a million +of charges, resulting from anxiety and tenderness. And then, fearing the +return of her servants, he quitted her, and set out for Delvile Castle. + +The amazement of Cecilia was still unconquerable; to be actually united +with Delvile! to be his with the full consent of his mother,--to have +him her's, beyond the power of his father,--she could not reconcile it +with possibility; she fancied it a dream,--but a dream from which she +wished not to wake. + + + +BOOK X. + + + +CHAPTER i + +A DISCOVERY. + +Cecilia's journey back to the country was as safe and free from +interruption as her journey had been to town, and all that distinguished +them was what passed in her own mind: the doubts, apprehensions, and +desponding suspense which had accompanied her setting out, were now +all removed, and certainty, ease, the expectation of happiness, and the +cessation of all perplexity, had taken their place. She had nothing left +to dread but the inflexibility of Mr Delvile, and hardly any thing even +to hope but the recovery of his lady. + +Her friends at her return expressed their wonder at her expedition, +but their wonder at what occasioned it, though still greater, met no +satisfaction. Henrietta rejoiced in her sight, though her absence had +been so short; and Cecilia, whose affection with her pity increased, +intimated to her the event for which she wished her to prepare herself, +and frankly acknowledged she had reason to expect it would soon take +place. + +Henrietta endeavoured with composure to receive this intelligence, and +to return such a mark of confidence with chearful congratulations: but +her fortitude was unequal to an effort so heroic, and her character was +too simple to assume a greatness she felt not: she sighed and changed +colour; and hastily quitted the room that she might sob aloud in +another. + +Warm-hearted, tender, and susceptible, her affections were all +undisguised: struck with the elegance of Delvile, and enchanted by his +services to her brother, she had lost to him her heart at first without +missing it, and, when missed, without seeking to reclaim it. The +hopelessness of such a passion she never considered, nor asked herself +its end, or scarce suspected its aim; it was pleasant to her at the +time, and she looked not to the future, but fed it with visionary +schemes, and soothed it with voluntary fancies. Now she knew all was +over, she felt the folly she had committed, but though sensibly and +candidly angry at her own error, its conviction offered nothing but +sorrow to succeed it. + +The felicity of Cecilia, whom she loved, admired and revered, she wished +with the genuine ardour of zealous sincerity; but that Delvile, the very +cause and sole subject of her own personal unhappiness, should himself +constitute that felicity, was too much for her spirits, and seemed to +her mortified mind too cruel in her destiny. + +Cecilia, who in the very vehemence of her sorrow saw its innocence, +was too just and too noble to be offended by it, or impute to the bad +passions of envy or jealousy, the artless regret of an untutored mind. +To be penetrated too deeply with the merit of Delvile, with her wanted +no excuse, and she grieved for her situation with but little mixture +of blame, and none of surprise. She redoubled her kindness and caresses +with the hope of consoling her, but ventured to trust her no further, +till reflection, and her natural good sense, should better enable her to +bear an explanation. + +Nor was this friendly exertion any longer a hardship to her; the sudden +removal, in her own feelings and affairs, of distress and expectation, +had now so much lightened her heart, that she could spare without +repining, some portion of its spirit to her dejected young friend. + +But an incident happened two mornings after which called back, and most +unpleasantly, her attention to herself. She was told that Mrs Matt, the +poor woman she had settled in Bury, begged an audience, and upon sending +for her up stairs, and desiring to know what she could do for her, +"Nothing, madam, just now," she answered, "for I don't come upon my own +business, but to tell some news to you, madam. You bid me never take +notice of the wedding, that was to be, and I'm sure I never opened my +mouth about it from that time to this; but I have found out who it was +put a stop to it, and so I come to tell you." + +Cecilia, extremely amazed, eagerly desired her to go on. + +"Why, madam, I don't know the gentlewoman's name quite right yet, but +I can tell you where she lives, for I knew her as soon as I set eyes on +her, when I see her at church last Sunday, and I would have followed her +home, but she went into a coach, and I could not walk fast enough; but I +asked one of the footmen where she lived, and he said at the great house +at the Grove: and perhaps, madam, you may know where that is: and then +he told me her name, but that I can't just now think of." + +"Good heaven!" cried Cecilia,--"it could not be Bennet?" + +"Yes, ma'am, that's the very name; I know it again now I hear it." + +Cecilia then hastily dismissed her, first desiring her not to mention +the circumstance to any body. + +Shocked and dismayed, she now saw, but saw with horror, the removal of +all her doubts, and the explanation of all her difficulties, in the +full and irrefragable discovery of the perfidy of her oldest friend and +confident. + +Miss Bennet herself she regarded in the affair as a mere tool, which, +though in effect it did the work, was innocent of its mischief, because +powerless but in the hand of its employer. + +"That employer," cried she, "must be Mr Monckton! Mr Monckton whom so +long I have known, who so willingly has been my counsellor, so ably my +instructor! in whose integrity I have confided, upon whose friendship +I have relied! my succour in all emergencies, my guide in all +perplexities!--Mr _Monckton_ thus dishonourably, thus barbarously to +betray me! to turn against me the very confidence I had reposed in his +regard for me! and make use of my own trust to furnish the means to +injure me!"-- + +She was now wholly confirmed that he had wronged her with Mr Delvile; +she could not have two enemies so malignant without provocation, and he +who so unfeelingly could dissolve a union at the very altar, could alone +have the baseness to calumniate her so cruelly. + +Evil thoughts thus awakened, stopt not merely upon facts; conjecture +carried her further, and conjecture built upon probability. The +officiousness of Morrice in pursuing her to London, his visiting her +when there, and his following and watching Delvile, she now reasonably +concluded were actions directed by Mr Monckton, whose house he had but +just left, and whose orders, whatever they might be, she was almost +certain he would obey. Availing himself, therefore, of the forwardness +and suppleness which met in this young man, she doubted not but his +intelligence had contributed to acquaint him with her proceedings. + +The motive of such deep concerted and accumulated treachery was next to +be sought: nor was the search long; one only could have tempted him to +schemes so hazardous and costly; and, unsuspicious as she was, she now +saw into his whole design. + +Long accustomed to regard him as a safe and disinterested old friend, +the respect with which, as a child, she had looked up to him, she +had insensibly preserved when a woman. That respect had taught her to +consider his notice as a favour, and far from suspiciously shunning, she +had innocently courted it: and his readiness in advising and tutoring +her, his frank and easy friendliness of behaviour, had kept his +influence unimpaired, by preventing its secret purpose from being +detected. + +But now the whole mystery was revealed; his aversion to the Delviles, to +which hitherto she had attributed all she disapproved in his behaviour, +she was convinced must be inadequate to stimulate him to such lengths. +That aversion itself was by this late surmise accounted for, and no +sooner did it occur to her, than a thousand circumstances confirmed it. + +The first among these was the evident ill will of Lady Margaret, which +though she had constantly imputed to the general irascibility for which +her character was notorious, she had often wondered to find impenetrable +to all endeavours to please or soften her. His care of her fortune, his +exhortations against her expences, his wish to make her live with Mr +Briggs, all contributed to point out the selfishness of his attentions, +which in one instance rendered visible, became obvious in every other. + +Yet various as were the incidents that now poured upon her memory to +his disgrace, not one among them took its rise from his behaviour to +herself, which always had been scrupulously circumspect, or if for a +moment unguarded, only at a season when her own distress or confusion +had prevented her from perceiving it. This recollection almost staggered +her suspicions; yet so absolute seemed the confirmation they received +from every other, that her doubt was overpowered, and soon wholly +extinguished. + +She was yet ruminating on this subject, when, word was brought her that +Mr Monckton was in the parlour. + +Mingled disgust and indignation made her shudder at his name, and +without pausing a moment, she sent him word she was engaged, and could +not possibly leave her room. + +Astonished by such a dismission, he left the house in the utmost +confusion. But Cecilia could not endure to see him, after a discovery of +such hypocrisy and villainy. + +She considered, however, that the matter could not rest here: he would +demand an explanation, and perhaps, by his unparalleled address, again +contrive to seem innocent, notwithstanding appearances were at present +so much against him. Expecting, therefore, some artifice, and determined +not to be duped by it, she sent again for the Pew-opener, to examine her +more strictly. + +The woman was out at work in a private family, and could not come till +the evening: but, when further questioned, the description she gave of +Miss Bennet was too exact to be disputed. + +She then desired her to call again the next morning and sent a servant +to the Grove, with her compliments to Miss Bennet, and a request that +she might send her carriage for her the next day, at any time she +pleased, as she wished much to speak with her. + +This message, she was aware, might create some suspicion, and put her +upon her guard; but she thought, nevertheless, a sudden meeting with the +Pew-opener, whom she meant abruptly to confront with her, would baffle +the security of any previously settled scheme. + +To a conviction such as this even Mr Monckton must submit, and since he +was lost to her as a friend, she might at least save herself the pain of +keeping up his acquaintance. + + + +CHAPTER ii. + +AN INTERVIEW. + +The servant did not return till it was dark; and then, with a look of +much dismay, said he had been able to meet with nobody who could either +give or take a message; that the Grove was all in confusion, and the +whole country in an uproar, for Mr Monckton, just as he arrived, had +been brought home dead! + +Cecilia screamed with involuntary horror; a pang like remorse seized her +mind, with the apprehension she had some share in this catastrophe, +and innocent as she was either of his fall or his crimes, she no +sooner heard he was no more, than she forgot he had offended her, and +reproached herself with severity for the shame to which she meant to +expose him the next morning. + +Dreadfully disturbed by this horrible incident, she entreated Mrs +Harrel and Henrietta to sup by themselves, and going into her own room, +determined to write the whole affair to Delvile, in a letter she should +direct to be left at the post-office for him at Margate. + +And here strongly she felt the happiness of being actually his wife; she +could now without reserve make him acquainted with all her affairs, and +tell to the master of her heart every emotion that entered it. + +While engaged in this office, the very action of which quieted her, +a letter was brought her from Delvile himself. She received it with +gratitude and opened it with joy; he had promised to write soon, but so +soon she had thought impossible. + +The reading took not much time; the letter contained but the following +words: + +_To Miss Beverley_. + +MY CECILIA!--Be alone, I conjure you; dismiss every body, and admit me +this moment! + +Great was her astonishment at this note! no name to it, no conclusion, +the characters indistinct, the writing crooked, the words so few, and +those few scarce legible! + +He desired to see her, and to see her alone; she could not hesitate in +her compliance,--but whom could she dismiss?--her servants, if ordered +away, would but be curiously upon the watch,--she could think of no +expedient, she was all hurry and amazement. + +She asked if any one waited for an answer? The footman said no; that +the note was given in by somebody who did not speak, and who ran out of +sight the moment he had delivered it. + +She could not doubt this was Delvile himself,--Delvile who should now +be just returned from the castle to his mother, and whom she had thought +not even a letter would reach if directed any where nearer than Margate! + +All she could devise in obedience to him, was to go and wait for him +alone in her dressing-room, giving orders that if any one called they +might be immediately brought up to her, as she expected somebody upon +business, with whom she must not be interrupted. + +This was extremely disagreeable to her; yet, contrary as it was to their +agreement, she felt no inclination to reproach Delvile; the abruptness +of his note, the evident hand-shaking with which it had been written, +the strangeness of the request in a situation such as theirs,--all +concurred to assure her he came not to her idly, and all led her to +apprehend he came to her with evil tidings. + +What they might be, she had no time to conjecture; a servant, in a few +minutes, opened the dressing-room door, and said, "Ma'am, a gentleman;" +and Delvile, abruptly entering, shut it himself, in his eagerness to get +rid of him. + +At his sight, her prognostication of ill became stronger! she went +forward to meet him, and he advanced to her smiling and in haste; +but that smile did not well do its office; it concealed not a pallid +countenance, in which every feature spoke horror; it disguised not an +aching heart, which almost visibly throbbed with intolerable emotion! +Yet he addressed her in terms of tenderness and peace; but his tremulous +voice counteracted his words, and spoke that all within was tumult and +war! + +Cecilia, amazed, affrighted, had no power to hasten an explanation, +which, on his own part, he seemed unable, or fearful to begin. He talked +to her of his happiness in again seeing her before he left the kingdom, +entreated her to write to him continually, said the same thing two and +three times in a breath, began with one subject, and seemed unconscious +he wandered presently into another, and asked her questions innumerable +about her health, journey, affairs, and ease of mind, without hearing +from her any answer, or seeming to miss that she had none. + +Cecilia grew dreadfully terrified; something strange and most alarming +she was sure must have happened, but _what_, she had no means to know, +nor courage, nor even words to enquire. + +Delvile, at length, the first hurry of his spirits abating, became more +coherent and considerate: and looking anxiously at her, said, "Why this +silence, my Cecilia?" + +"I know not!" said she, endeavouring to recover herself, "but your +coming was unexpected: I was just writing to you at Margate." + +"Write still, then; but direct to Ostend; I shall be quicker than the +post; and I would not lose a letter--a line--a word from you, for all +the world can offer me!" + +"Quicker than the post?" cried Cecilia; "but how can Mrs Delvile--" she +stopt; not knowing what she might venture to ask. + +"She is now on the road to Margate; I hope to be there to receive her. I +mean but to bid you adieu, and be gone." + +Cecilia made no answer; she was more and more astonished, more and more +confounded. + +"You are thoughtful?" said he, with tenderness; "are you +unhappy?--sweetest Cecilia! most excellent of human creatures! if I have +made you unhappy--and I must!--it is inevitable!--" + +"Oh Delvile!" cried she, now assuming more courage, "why will you not +speak to me openly?--something, I see, is wrong; may I not hear it? may +I not tell you, at least, my concern that any thing has distressed you?" + +"You are too good!" cried he; "to deserve you is not possible, but to +afflict you is inhuman!" + +"Why so?" cried she, more chearfully; "must I not share the common lot? +or expect the whole world to be new modelled, lest I should meet in it +any thing but happiness?" + +"There is not, indeed, much danger! Have you pen and ink here?" + +She brought them to him immediately, with paper. + +"You have been writing to me, you say?--I will begin a letter myself." + +"To me?" cried she. + +He made no answer, but took up the pen, and wrote a few words, and then, +flinging it down, said, "Fool!--I could have done this without coming!" + +"May I look at it?" said she; and, finding he made no opposition, +advanced and read. + +_I fear to alarm you by rash precipitation,--I fear to alarm you by +lingering suspense,--but all is not well--_ + +"Fear nothing!" cried she, turning to him with the kindest earnestness; +"tell me, whatever it may be!--Am I not your wife? bound by every tie +divine and human to share in all your sorrows, if, unhappily, I cannot +mitigate them!" + +"Since you allow me," cried he, gratefully, "so sweet a claim, a claim +to which all others yield, and which if you repent not giving me, will +make all others nearly immaterial to me,--I will own to you that all, +indeed, is not well! I have been hasty,--you will blame me; I deserve, +indeed, to be blamed!--entrusted with your peace and happiness, to +suffer rage, resentment, violence, to make me forego what I owed to such +a deposite!--If your blame, however, stops short of repentance--but it +cannot!" + +"What, then," cried she with warmth, "must you have done? for there +is not an action of which I believe you capable, there is not an event +which I believe to be possible, that can ever make me repent belonging +to you wholly!" + +"Generous, condescending Cecilia!" cried he; "Words such as these, hung +there not upon me an evil the most depressing, would be almost more than +I could bear--would make me too blest for mortality!" + +"But words such as these," said she more gaily, "I might long have +coquetted ere I had spoken, had you not drawn them from me by this +alarm. Take, therefore, the good with the ill, and remember, if all does +not go right, you have now a trusty friend, as willing to be the partner +of your serious as your happiest hours." + +"Shew but as much firmness as you have shewn sweetness," cried he, "and +I will fear to tell you nothing." + +She reiterated her assurances; they then both sat down, and he began his +account. + +"Immediately from your lodgings I went where I had ordered a chaise, and +stopped only to change horses till I reached Delvile Castle. My father +saw me with surprise, and received me with coldness. I was compelled by +my situation to be abrupt, and told him I came, before I accompanied +my mother abroad, to make him acquainted with an affair which I thought +myself bound in duty and respect to suffer no one to communicate to him +but myself. He then sternly interrupted me, and declared in high terms, +that if this affair concerned _you_, he would not listen to it. I +attempted to remonstrate upon this injustice, when he passionately broke +forth into new and horrible charges against you, affirming that he had +them from authority as indisputable as ocular demonstration. I was then +certain of some foul play."-- + +"Foul play indeed!" cried Cecilia, who now knew but too well by whom she +had been injured. "Good heaven, how have I been deceived, where most I +have trusted!" + +"I told him," continued Delvile, "some gross imposition had been +practiced upon him, and earnestly conjured him no longer to conceal +from me by whom. This, unfortunately, encreased his rage; imposition, +he said, was not so easily played upon him, he left that for _me_ who so +readily was duped; while for himself, he had only given credit to a man +of much consideration in Suffolk, who had known you from a child, who +had solemnly assured him he had repeatedly endeavoured to reclaim you, +who had rescued you from the hands of Jews at his own hazard and loss, +and who actually shewed him bonds acknowledging immense debts, which +were signed with your own hand." + +"Horrible!" exclaimed Cecilia, "I believed not such guilt and perfidy +possible!" + +"I was scarce myself," resumed Delvile, "while I heard him: I demanded +even with fierceness his author, whom I scrupled not to execrate as he +deserved; he coldly answered he was bound by an oath never to reveal +him, nor should he repay his honourable attention to his family by a +breach of his own word, were it even less formally engaged. I then +lost all patience; to mention honour, I cried, was a farce, where +such infamous calumnies were listened to;--but let me not shock you +unnecessarily, you may readily conjecture what passed." + +"Ah me!" cried Cecilia, "you have then quarrelled with your father!" + +"I have!" said he; "nor does he yet know I am married: in so much wrath +there was no room for narration; I only pledged myself by all I held +sacred, never to rest till I had cleared your fame, by the detection of +this villainy, and then left him without further explanation." + +"Oh return, then, to him directly!" cried Cecilia, "he is your father, +you are bound to bear with his displeasure;--alas! had you never known +me, you had never incurred it!" + +"Believe me," he answered, "I am ill at ease under it: if you wish it, +when you have heard me, I will go to him immediately; if not, I will +write, and you shall yourself dictate what." + +Cecilia thanked him, and begged he would continue his account. + +"My first step, when I left the Castle, was to send a letter to my +mother, in which I entreated her to set out as soon as possible for +Margate, as I was detained from her unavoidably, and was unwilling my +delay should either retard our journey, or oblige her to travel faster. +At Margate I hoped to be as soon as herself, if not before her." + +"And why," cried Cecilia, "did you not go to town as you had promised, +and accompany her?" + +"I had business another way. I came hither." + +"Directly?" + +"No; but soon." + +"Where did you go first?" + +"My Cecilia, it is now you must summon your fortitude: I left my +father without an explanation on my part;--but not till, in his rage of +asserting his authority, he had unwarily named his informant." + +"Well!" + +"That informant--the most deceitful of men!--was your long pretended +friend, Mr Monckton!" + +"So I feared!" said Cecilia, whose blood now ran cold through her veins +with sudden and new apprehensions. + +"I rode to the Grove, on hack-horses, and on a full gallop the whole +way. I got to him early in the evening. I was shewn into his library. I +told him my errand.--You look pale, my love? You are not well?--" + +Cecilia, too sick for speech, leant her head upon a table. Delvile was +going to call for help; but she put her hand upon his arm to stop +him, and, perceiving she was only mentally affected, he rested, and +endeavoured by every possible means to revive her. + +After a while, she again raised her head, faintly saying, "I am sorry +I interrupted you; but the conclusion I already know,--Mr Monckton is +dead!" + +"Not dead," cried he; "dangerously, indeed, wounded, but thank heaven, +not actually dead!" + +"Not dead?" cried Cecilia, with recruited strength and spirits, "Oh then +all yet may be well!--if he is not dead; he may recover!" + +"He may; I hope he will!" + +"Now, then," she cried, "tell me all: I can bear any intelligence but of +death by human means." + +"I meant not to have gone such lengths; far from it; I hold duels in +abhorrence, as unjustifiable acts of violence, and savage devices of +revenge. I have offended against my own conviction,--but, transported +with passion at his infamous charges, I was not master of my reason; I +accused hum of his perfidy; he denied it; I told him I had it from my +father,--he changed the subject to pour abuse upon him; I insisted on a +recantation to clear you; he asked by what right? I fiercely answered; +by a husband's! His countenance, then, explained at least the motives +of his treachery,--he loves you himself! he had probably schemed to keep +you free till his wife died, and then concluded his machinations would +secure you his own. For this purpose, finding he was in danger of losing +you, he was content even to blast your character, rather than suffer you +to escape him! But the moment I acknowledged my marriage he grew more +furious than myself; and, in short-for why relate the frenzies of rage? +we walked out together; my travelling pistols were already charged; +I gave him his choice of them, and, the challenge being mine, for +insolence joined with guilt had robbed me of all forbearance, he fired +first, but missed me: I then demanded whether he would clear your +fame? he called out 'Fire! I will make no terms,'--I did fire,--and +unfortunately aimed better! We had neither of us any second, all was the +result of immediate passion; but I soon got people to him, and assisted +in conveying him home. He was at, first believed to be dead, and I was +seized by his servants; but he afterwards shewed signs of life, and by +sending for my friend Biddulph, I was released. Such is the melancholy +transaction I came to relate to you, flattering myself it would +something less shock you from me than from another: yet my own real +concern for the affair, the repentance with which from the moment the +wretch fell, I was struck in being his destroyer, and the sorrow, the +remorse, rather, which I felt, in coming to wound you with such +black, such fearful intelligence,--you to whom all I owe is peace and +comfort!--these thoughts gave me so much disturbance, that, in fact, I +knew less than any other how to prepare you for such a tale." + +He stopt; but Cecilia could say nothing: to censure him now would both +be cruel and vain; yet to pretend she was satisfied with his conduct, +would be doing violence to her judgment and veracity. She saw, too, that +his error had sprung wholly from a generous ardor in her defence, and +that his confidence in her character, had resisted, without wavering, +every attack that menaced it. For this she felt truly grateful; yet +his quarrel with his father,--the danger of his mother,--his necessary +absence,--her own clandestine situation,--and more than all, the +threatened death of Mr Monckton by his hands, were circumstances so full +of dread and sadness, she knew not upon which to speak,--how to offer +him comfort,--how to assume a countenance that looked able to receive +any, or by what means to repress the emotions which to many ways +assailed her. Delvile, having vainly waited some reply, then in a +tone the most melancholy, said, "If it is yet possible you can be +sufficiently interested in my fate to care what becomes of me, aid me +now with your counsel, or rather with your instructions; I am scarce +able to think for myself, and to be thought for by you, would yet be a +consolation that would give me spirit for any thing." + +Cecilia, starting from her reverie, repeated, "To care what becomes of +you-? Oh Delvile!--make not my heart bleed by words of such unkindness!" + +"Forgive me," cried he, "I meant not a reproach; I meant but to state +my own consciousness how little I deserve from you. You talked to me of +going to my father? do you still wish it?" + +"I think so!" cried she; too much disturbed to know what she said, yet +fearing again to hurt him by making him wait her answer. + +"I will go then," said he, "without doubt: too happy to be guided by +you, which-ever way I steer. I have now, indeed much to tell him; but +whatever may be his wrath, there is little fear, at this time, that my +own temper cannot bear it! what next shall I do?" + +"What next?" repeated she; "indeed I know not!" + +"Shall I go immediately to Margate? or shall I first ride hither?" + +"If you please," said she, much perturbed, and deeply sighing. + +"I please nothing but by your direction, to follow that is my only +chance of pleasure. Which, then, shall I do?-you will not, now, refuse +to direct me?" + +"No, certainly, not for the world!" + +"Speak to me, then, my love, and tell me;--why are you thus silent?--is +it painful to you to counsel me?" + +"No, indeed!" said she, putting her hand to her head, "I will speak to +you in a few minutes." + +"Oh my Cecilia!" cried he, looking at her with much alarm, "call back +your recollection! you know not what you say, you take no interest in +what you answer." + +"Indeed I do!" said she, sighing deeply, and oppressed beyond the +power of thinking, beyond any power but an internal consciousness of +wretchedness. + +"Sigh not so bitterly," cried he, "if you have any compassion! sigh not +so bitterly,--I cannot bear to hear you!" + +"I am very sorry indeed!" said she, sighing again, and not seeming +sensible she spoke. + +"Good Heaven!" cried he, rising, "distract me not with this +horror!--speak not to me in such broken sentences!--Do you hear me, +Cecilia?--why will you not answer me?" + +She started and trembled, looked pale and affrighted, and putting both +her hands upon her heart, said, "Oh yes!--but I have an oppression +here,--a tightness, a fulness,--I have not room for breath!" + +"Oh beloved of my heart!" cried he, wildly casting himself at her feet, +"kill me not with this terror!--call back your faculties,--awake from +this dreadful insensibility! tell me at least you know me!--tell me I +have not tortured you quite to madness!--sole darling of my affections! +my own, my wedded Cecilia!--rescue me from this agony! it is more than I +can support!"--- + +This energy of distress brought back her scattered senses, scarce more +stunned by the shock of all this misery, than by the restraint of her +feelings in struggling to conceal it. But these passionate exclamations +restoring her sensibility, she burst into tears, which happily relieved +her mind from the conflict with which it was labouring, and which, not +thus effected, might have ended more fatally. + +Never had Delvile more rejoiced in her smiles than now in these +seasonable tears, which he regarded and blest as the preservers of her +reason. They flowed long without any intermission, his soothing and +tenderness but melting her to more sorrow: after a while, however, the +return of her faculties, which at first seemed all consigned over to +grief, was manifested by the returning strength of her mind: she blamed +herself severely for the little fortitude she had shewn, but having now +given vent to emotions too forcible to be wholly stiffed, she assured +him he might depend upon her' better courage for the future, and +entreated him to consider and settle his affairs. + +Not speedily, however, could Delvile himself recover. The torture he had +suffered in believing, though only for a few moments, that the terror +he had given to Cecilia had affected her intellects, made even a deeper +impression upon his imagination, than the scene of fury and death, which +had occasioned that terror: and Cecilia, who now strained every nerve +to repair by her firmness, the pain which by her weakness she had given +him, was sooner in a condition for reasoning and deliberation than +himself. + +"Ah Delvile!" she cried, comprehending what passed within him, "do +you allow nothing for surprize? and nothing for the hard conflict of +endeavouring to suppress it? do you think me still as unfit to advise +with, and as worthless, as feeble a counsellor, as during the first +confusion of my mind?" + +"Hurry not your tender spirits, I beseech you," cried he, "we have time +enough; we will talk about business by and by." + +"What time?" cried she, "what is it now o'clock?" + +"Good Heaven!" cried he, looking at his watch, "already past ten! you +must turn me out, my Cecilia, or calumny will still be busy, even though +poor Monckton is quiet." + +"I _will_ turn you out," cried she, "I am indeed most earnest to have +you gone. But tell me your plan, and which way you mean to go?" + +"That;" he answered, "you shall decide for me yourself: whether to +Delvile Castle, to finish one tale, and wholly communicate another, or +to Margate, to hasten my mother abroad, before the news of this calamity +reaches her." + +"Go to Margate," cried she, eagerly, "set off this very moment! you can +write to your father from Ostend. But continue, I conjure you, on the +continent, till we see if this unhappy man lives, and enquire, of those +who can judge, what must follow if he should not!" + +"A trial," said he, "must follow, and it will go, I fear, but hardly +with me! the challenge was mine; his servants can all witness I went +to him, not he to me,--Oh my Cecilia! the rashness of which I have been +guilty, is so opposite to my principles, and, all generous as is your +silence, I know it so opposite to yours, that never, should his blood be +on my hands, wretch as he was, never will my heart be quiet more." + +"He will live, he will live!" cried Cecilia, repressing her horror, +"fear nothing, for he will live;--and as to his wound and his +sufferings, his perfidy has deserved them. Go, then, to Margate; think +only of Mrs Delvile, and save her, if possible, from hearing what has +happened." + +"I will go,--stay,--do which and whatever you bid me: but, should what I +fear come to pass, should my mother continue ill, my father inflexible, +should this wretched man die, and should England no longer be a country +I shall love to dwell in,--could you, then, bear to own,--would you, +then, consent to follow me?" + +"Could I?--am I not yours? may you not command me? tell me, then, you +have only to say,--shall I accompany you at once?" + +Delvile, affected by her generosity, could scarce utter his thanks; yet +he did not hesitate in denying to avail himself of it; "No, my Cecilia," +he cried, "I am not so selfish. If we have not happier days, we will at +least wait for more desperate necessity. With the uncertainty if I have +not this man's life to answer for at the hazard of my own, to take my +wife--my bride,--from the kingdom I must fly!--to make her a fugitive +and an exile in the first publishing that she is mine! No, if I am not a +destined alien for life I can never permit it. Nothing less, believe +me, shall ever urge my consent to wound the chaste propriety of your +character, by making you an eloper with a duelist." + +They then again consulted upon their future plans; and concluded that in +the present disordered state of their affairs, it would be best not to +acknowledge even to Mr Delvile their marriage, to whom the news of the +duel, and Mr Monckton's danger, would be a blow so severe, that, to add +to it any other might half distract him. + +To the few people already acquainted with it, Delvile therefore +determined to write from Ostend, re-urging his entreaties for their +discretion and secrecy. Cecilia promised every post to acquaint him how +Mr Monckton went on, and she then besought him to go instantly, that he +might out-travel the ill news to his mother. + +He complied, and took leave of her in the tenderest manner, conjuring +her to support her spirits, and be careful of her health. "Happiness," +said he, "is much in arrears with us, and though my violence may have +frightened it away, your sweetness and gentleness will yet attract it +back: all that for me is in store must be received at your hands,--what +is offered in any other way, I shall only mistake for evil! droop not, +therefore, my generous Cecilia, but in yourself preserve me!" + +"I will not droop," said she; "you will find, I hope, you have not +intrusted yourself in ill hands." + +"Peace then be with you, my love!--my comforting, my soul-reviving +Cecilia! Peace, such as angels give, and such as may drive from your +mind the remembrance of this bitter hour!" + +He then tore himself away. + +Cecilia, who to his blessings could almost, like the tender Belvidera, +have exclaimed, + + "O do not leave me!--stay with me and curse me!" + +listened to his steps till she could hear them no longer, as if the +remaining moments of her life were to be measured by them: but then, +remembering the danger both to herself and him of his stay, she +endeavoured to rejoice that he was gone, and, but that her mind was in +no state for joy, was too rational not to have succeeded. + +Grief and horror for what was past, apprehension and suspense for +what was to come, so disordered her whole frame, so confused even her +intellects, that when not all the assistance of fancy could persuade +her she still heard the footsteps of Delvile, she went to the chair upon +which he had been seated, and taking possession of it, sat with her arms +crossed, silent, quiet, and erect, almost vacant of all thought, yet +with a secret idea she was doing something right. + +Here she continued till Henrietta came to wish her good night; whose +surprise and concern at the strangeness of her look and attitude, once +more recovered her. But terrified herself at this threatened wandering +of her reason, and certain she must all night be a stranger to rest, she +accepted the affectionate offer of the kind-hearted girl to stay with +her, who was too much grieved for her grief to sleep any more than +herself. + +She told her not what had passed; that, she knew, would be fruitless +affliction to her: but she was soothed by her gentleness, and her +conversation was some security from the dangerous rambling of her ideas. + +Henrietta herself found no little consolation in her own private +sorrows, that she was able to give comfort to her beloved Miss Beverley, +from whom she had received favours and kind offices innumerable. She +quitted her not night nor day, and in the honest pride of a little +power to skew the gratefulness of her heart, she felt a pleasure and +self-consequence she had never before experienced. + + + +CHAPTER iii. + +A SUMMONS. + +Cecilia's earliest care, almost at break of day, was to send to the +Grove; from thence she heard nothing but evil; Mr Monckton was still +alive, but with little or no hope of recovery, constantly delirious, and +talking of Miss Beverley, and of her being married to young Delvile. + +Cecilia, who knew well this, at least, was no delirium, though shocked +that he talked of it, hoped his danger less than was apprehended. + +The next day, however, more fatal news was brought her, though not from +the quarter she expected it: Mr Monckton, in one of his raving fits, had +sent for Lady Margaret to his bed side, and used her almost inhumanly: +he had railed at her age and her infirmities with incredible fury, +called her the cause of all his sufferings, and accused her as the +immediate agent of Lucifer in his present wound and danger. Lady +Margaret, whom neither jealousy nor malignity had cured of loving him, +was dismayed and affrighted; and in hurrying out of the room upon his +attempting, in his frenzy, to strike her, she dropt down dead in an +apoplectic fit. + +"Good Heaven!" thought Cecilia, "what an exemplary punishment has this +man! he loses his hated wife at the very moment when her death could +no longer answer his purposes! Poor Lady Margaret! her life has been as +bitter as her temper! married from a view of interest, ill used as a bar +to happiness, and destroyed from the fruitless ravings of despair!" + +She wrote all this intelligence to Ostend, whence she received a letter +from Delvile, acquainting her he was detained from proceeding further +by the weakness and illness of his mother, whose sufferings from +seasickness had almost put an end to her existence. + +Thus passed a miserable week; Monckton still merely alive, Delvile +detained at Ostend, and Cecilia tortured alike by what was recently +passed, actually present, and fearfully expected; when one morning she +was told a gentleman upon business desired immediately to speak with +her. + +She hastily obeyed the summons; the constant image of her own mind, +Delvile, being already present to her, and a thousand wild conjectures +upon what had brought him back, rapidly occurring to her. + +Her expectations, however, were ill answered, for she found an entire +stranger; an elderly man, of no pleasant aspect or manners. + +She desired to know his business. + +"I presume, madam, you are the lady of this house?" + +She bowed an assent. + +"May I take the liberty, madam, to ask your name?' + +"My name, sir?" + +"You will do me a favour, madam, by telling it me." + +"Is it possible you are come hither without already knowing it?" + +"I know it only by common report, madam." + +"Common report, sir, I believe is seldom wrong in a matter where to be +right is so easy." + +"Have you any objection, madam, to telling me your name?" + +"No, sir; but your business can hardly be very important, if you are yet +to learn whom you are to address. It will be time enough, therefore, for +us to meet when you are elsewhere satisfied in this point." + +She would then have left the room. + +"I beg, madam," cried the stranger, "you will have patience; it is +necessary, before I can open my business, that I should hear your name +from yourself." + +"Well, sir," cried she with some hesitation, "you can scarce have come +to this house, without knowing that its owner is Cecilia Beverley." + +"That, madam, is your maiden name." + +"My maiden name?" cried she, starting. + +"Are you not married, madam?" + +"Married, sir?" she repeated, while her cheeks were the colour of +scarlet. + +"It is, properly, therefore, madam, the name of your husband that I mean +to ask." + +"And by what authority, sir," cried she, equally astonished and +offended, "do you make these extraordinary enquiries?" + +"I am deputed, madam, to wait upon you by Mr Eggleston, the next heir +to this estate, by your uncle's will, if you die without children, or +change your name when you marry. His authority of enquiry, madam, +I presume you will allow, and he has vested it in me by a letter of +attorney." + +Cecilia's distress and confusion were now unspeakable; she knew not what +to own or deny, she could not conjecture how she had been betrayed, and +she had never made the smallest preparation against such an attack. + +"Mr Eggleston, madam," he continued, "has been pretty credibly informed +that you are actually married: he is very desirous, therefore, to +know what are your intentions, for your continuing to be called _Miss_ +Beverley, as if still single, leaves him quite in the dark: but, as he +is so deeply concerned in the affair, he expects, as a lady of honour, +you will deal with him without prevarication." + +"This demand, sir," said Cecilia, stammering, "is so extremely--so--so +little expected--" + +"The way, madam, in these cases, is to keep pretty closely to the point; +are you married or are you not?" + +Cecilia, quite confounded, made no answer: to disavow her marriage, when +thus formally called upon, was every way unjustifiable; to acknowledge +it in her present situation, would involve her in difficulties +innumerable. + +"This is not, madam, a slight thing; Mr Eggleston has a large family and +a small fortune, and that, into the bargain, very much encumbered; +it cannot, therefore, be expected that he will knowingly connive at +cheating himself, by submitting to your being actually married, and +still enjoying your estate though your husband does not take your name." + +Cecilia, now, summoning more presence of mind, answered, "Mr Eggleston, +sir, has, at least, nothing to fear from imposition: those with whom he +has, or may have any transactions in this affair, are not accustomed to +practice it." + +"I am far from meaning any offence, madam; my commission from Mr +Eggleston is simply this, to beg you will satisfy him upon what grounds +you now evade the will of your late uncle, which, till cleared up, +appears a point manifestly to his prejudice." + +"Tell him, then, sir, that whatever he wishes to know shall be explained +to him in about a week. At present I can give no other answer." + +"Very well, madam; he will wait that time, I am sure, for he does not +wish to put you to any inconvenience. But when he heard the gentleman +was gone abroad without owning his marriage, he thought it high time to +take some notice of the matter." + +Cecilia, who by this speech found she was every way discovered, was +again in the utmost confusion, and with much trepidation, said, "since +you seem so well, sir, acquainted with this affair, I should be glad you +would inform me by what means you came to the knowledge of it?" + +"I heard it, madam, from Mr Eggleston himself, who has long known it." + +"Long, sir?--impossible! when it is not yet a fortnight--not ten days, +or no more, that---" + +She stopt, recollecting she was making a confession better deferred. + +"That, madam," he answered, "may perhaps bear a little contention: for +when this business comes to be settled, it will be very essential to +be exact as to the time, even to the very hour; for a large income per +annum, divides into a small one per diem: and if your husband keeps his +own name, you must not only give up your uncle's inheritance from +the time of relinquishing yours, but refund from the very day of your +marriage." + +"There is not the least doubt of it," answered she; "nor will the +smallest difficulty be made." + +"You will please, then, to recollect, madam, that this sum is every hour +encreasing; and has been since last September, which made half a year +accountable for last March. Since then there is now added---" + +"Good Heaven, Sir," cried Cecilia, "what calculation are you making out? +do you call last week last September?" + +"No, madam; but I call last September the month in which you were +married." + +"You will find yourself, then, sir, extremely mistaken; and Mr Eggleston +is preparing himself for much disappointment, if he supposes me so long +in arrears with him." + +"Mr Eggleston, madam, happens to be well informed of this transaction, +as, if there is any dispute in it, you will find. He was your immediate +successor in the house to which you went last September in Pall-Mall; +the woman who kept it acquainted his servants that the last lady who +hired it stayed with her but a day, and only came to town, she found, to +be married: and hearing, upon enquiry, this lady was Miss Beverley, the +servants, well knowing that their master was her conditional heir, told +him the circumstance." + +"You will find all this, sir, end in nothing." + +"That, madam, as I said before, remains to be proved. If a young lady at +eight o'clock in the morning, is seen,--and she was seen, going into a +church with a young gentleman, and one female friend; and is afterwards +observed to come out of it, followed by a clergyman and another person, +supposed to have officiated as father, and is seen get into a coach with +same young gentleman, and same female friend, why the circumstances are +pretty strong!--" + +"They may seem so, Sir; but all conclusions drawn from them will be +erroneous. I was not married then, upon my honour!" + +"We have little, madam, to do with professions; the circumstances are +strong enough to bear a trial, and--" + +"A trial!--" + +"We have traced, madam, many witnesses able to stand to divers +particulars; and eight months share of such an estate as this, is well +worth a little trouble." + +"I am amazed, sir! surely Mr Eggleston never desired you to make use of +this language to me?" + +"Mr Eggleston, madam, has behaved very honourably; though he knew +the whole affair so long ago, he was persuaded Mr Delvile had private +reasons for a short concealment; and expecting every day when they would +be cleared up by his taking your name, he never interfered: but being +now informed he set out last week for the continent, he has been advised +by his friends to claim his rights." + +"That claim, sir, he need not fear will be satisfied; and without any +occasion for threats of enquiries or law suits." + +"The truth, madam, is this; Mr Eggleston is at present in a little +difficulty about some money matters, which makes it a point with him of +some consequence to have the affair settled speedily: unless you could +conveniently compromise the matter, by advancing a particular sum, +till it suits you to refund the whole that is due to him, and quit the +premises." + +"Nothing, sir, is due to him! at least, nothing worth mentioning. I +shall enter into no terms, for I have no compromise to make. As to the +premises, I will quit them with all the expedition in my power." + +"You will do well, madam; for the truth is, it will not be convenient to +him to wait much longer." + +He then went away. + +"When, next," cried Cecilia, "shall I again be weak, vain, blind enough +to form any plan with a hope of secresy? or enter, with _any_ hope, into +a clandestine scheme! betrayed by those I have trusted, discovered +by those I have not thought of, exposed to the cruellest alarms, and +defenceless from the most shocking attacks!--Such has been the life I +have led since the moment I first consented to a private engagement!--Ah +Delvile! your mother, in her tenderness, forgot her dignity, or she +would not have concurred in an action which to such disgrace made me +liable!" + + + +CHAPTER iv. + +A DELIBERATION. + +It was necessary, however, not to moralize, but to act; Cecilia had +undertaken to give her answer in a week, and the artful attorney had +drawn from her an acknowledgment of her situation, by which he might +claim it yet sooner. + +The law-suit with which she was threatened for the arrears of eight +months, alarmed her not, though it shocked her, as she was certain she +could prove her marriage so much later. + +It was easy to perceive that this man had been sent with a view of +working from her a confession, and terrifying from her some money; +the confession, indeed, in conscience and honesty she could not wholly +elude, but she had suffered too often by a facility in parting with +money to be there easily duped. + +Nothing, however, was more true, than that she now lived upon an estate +of which she no longer was the owner, and that all she either spent or +received was to be accounted for and returned, since by the will of her +uncle, unless her husband took her name, her estate on the very day of +her marriage was to be forfeited, and entered upon by the Egglestons. +Delvile's plan and hope of secresy had made them little weigh this +matter, though this premature discovery so unexpectedly exposed her to +their power. + +The first thought that occurred to her, was to send an express to +Delvile, and desire his instructions how to proceed; but she dreaded his +impetuosity of temper, and was almost certain that the instant he should +hear she was in any uneasiness or perplexity, he would return to her, at +all hazards, even though Mr Monckton were dead, and his mother herself +dying. This step, therefore, she did not dare risk, preferring any +personal hardship, to endangering the already precarious life of Mrs +Delvile, or to hastening her son home while Mr Monckton was in so +desperate a situation. + +But though what to avoid was easy to settle, what to seek was difficult +to devise. She bad now no Mrs Charlton to receive her, not a creature in +whom she could confide. To continue her present way of living was deeply +involving Delvile in debt, a circumstance she had never considered, in +the confusion and hurry attending all their plans and conversations, and +a circumstance which, though to him it might have occurred, he could not +in common delicacy mention. + +Yet to have quitted her house, and retrenched her expences, would have +raised suspicions that must have anticipated the discovery she so much +wished to have delayed. That wish, by the present danger of its failure, +was but more ardent; to have her affairs and situation become +publicly known at the present period, she felt would half distract +her.--Privately married, parted from her husband at the very moment of +their union, a husband by whose hand the apparent friend of her earliest +youth was all but killed, whose father had execrated the match, whose +mother was now falling a sacrifice to the vehemence with which she had +opposed it, and who himself, little short of an exile, knew not yet +if, with personal safety, he might return to his native land! To +circumstances so dreadful, she had now the additional shock of being +uncertain whether her own house might not be seized, before any other +could be prepared for her reception! + +Yet still whither to go, what to do, or what to resolve, she was wholly +unable to determine; and after meditating almost to madness in the +search of some plan or expedient, she was obliged to give over the +attempt, and be satisfied with remaining quietly where she was, till she +had better news from Delvile of his mother, or better news to send him +of Mr Monckton; carefully, mean time, in all her letters avoiding to +alarm him by any hint of her distress. + +Yet was she not idle, either from despair or helplessness: she found her +difficulties encreased, and she called forth more resolution to combat +them: she animated herself by the promise she had made Delvile, and +recovering from the sadness to which she had at first given way, she now +exerted herself with vigour to perform it as she ought. + +She began by making an immediate inspection into her affairs, and +endeavouring, where expence seemed unnecessary, to lessen it. She gave +Henrietta to understand she feared they must soon part; and so afflicted +was the unhappy girl at the news, that she found it the most cruel +office she had to execute. The same intimation she gave to Mrs Harrel, +who repined at it more openly, but with a selfishness so evident that it +blunted the edge of pity. She then announced to Albany her inability to +pursue, at present, their extensive schemes of benevolence; and though +he instantly left her, to carry on his laborious plan elsewhere, the +reverence she had now excited in him of her character, made him leave +her with no sensation but of regret, and readily promise to return when +her affairs were settled, or her mind more composed. + +These little preparations, which were all she could make, with enquiries +after Mr Monckton, and writing to Delvile, sufficiently filled up her +time, though her thoughts were by no means confined to them. Day after +day passed, and Mr Monckton continued to linger rather than live; the +letters of Delvile, still only dated from Ostend, contained the most +melancholy complaints of the illness of his mother; and the time +advanced when her answer would be claimed by the attorney. + +The thought of such another visit was almost intolerable; and within two +days of the time that she expected it, she resolved to endeavour herself +to prevail with Mr Eggleston to wait longer. + +Mr Eggleston was a gentleman whom she knew little more than by sight; he +was no relation to her family, nor had any connection with the Dean, +but by being a cousin to a lady he had married, and who had left him +no children. The dean had no particular regard for him, and had rather +mentioned him in his will as the successor of Cecilia, in case she died +unmarried or changed her name, as a mark that he approved of her doing +neither, than as a matter he thought probable, if even possible, to turn +out in his favour. + +He was a man of a large family, the sons of which, who were extravagant +and dissipated, had much impaired his fortune by prevailing with him to +pay their debts, and much distressed him in his affairs by successfully +teasing him for money. + +Cecilia, acquainted with these circumstances, knew but too well with +what avidity her estate would be seized by them, and how little the sons +would endure delay, even if the father consented to it. Yet since the +sacrifice to which she had agreed must soon make it indisputably +their own, she determined to deal with them openly; and acknowledged, +therefore, in her letter, her marriage without disguise, but begged +their patience and secresy, and promised, in a short time, the most +honourable retribution and satisfaction. + +She sent this letter by a man and horse, Mr Eggleston's habitation being +within fifteen miles of her own. + +The answer was from his eldest son, who acquainted her that his father +was very ill, and had put all his affairs into the hands of Mr Carn, his +attorney, who was a man of great credit, and would see justice done on +all sides. + +If this answer, which she broke open the instant she took it into +her hand, was in itself a cruel disappointment to her, how was that +disappointment embittered by shame and terror, when, upon again folding +it up, she saw it was directed to Mrs Mortimer Delvile! + +This was a decisive stroke; what they wrote to her, she was sure they +would mention to all others; she saw they were too impatient for her +estate to be moved by any representations to a delay, and that their +eagerness to publish their right, took from them all consideration of +what they might make her suffer. Mr Eggleston, she found, permitted +himself to be wholly governed by his son; his son was a needy and +profligate spendthrift, and by throwing the management of the affair +into the hands of an attorney, craftily meant to shield himself from the +future resentment of Delvile, to whom, hereafter, he might affect, at +his convenience, to disapprove Mr Carn's behaviour, while Mr Carn was +always secure, by averring he only exerted himself for the interest of +his client. + +The discerning Cecilia, though but little experienced in business, and +wholly unsuspicious by nature, yet saw into this management, and doubted +not these excuses were already arranged. She had only, therefore, to +save herself an actual ejectment, by quitting a house in which she was +exposed to such a disgrace. + +But still whither to go she knew not! One only attempt seemed in her +power for an honourable asylum, and that was more irksomely painful to +her than seeking shelter in the meanest retreat: it was applying to Mr +Delvile senior. + +The action of leaving her house, whether quietly or forcibly, could not +but instantly authenticate the reports spread by the Egglestons of her +marriage: to hope therefore for secresy any longer would be folly, and +Mr Delvile's rage at such intelligence might be still greater to hear +it by chance than from herself. She now lamented that Delvile had not +at once told the tale, but, little foreseeing such a discovery as the +present, they had mutually concluded to defer the communication till his +return. + +Her own anger at the contemptuous ill treatment she had repeatedly met +from him, she was now content not merely to suppress but to dismiss, +since, as the wife of his son without his consent, she considered +herself no longer as wholly innocent of incurring it. Yet, such was her +dread of his austerity and the arrogance of his reproaches, that, by +choice, she would have preferred an habitation with her own pensioner, +the pew-opener, to the grandest apartment in Delvile Castle while he +continued its lord. + +In her present situation, however, her choice was little to be +consulted: the honour of Delvile was concerned in her escaping even +temporary disgrace, and nothing, she knew, would so much gratify him, as +any attention from her to his father. She wrote to him, therefore, the +following letter, which she sent by an express. + +_To the Hon. Compton Delvile. + +April 29th_, 1780. + +SIR,--I should not, even by letter, presume thus to force myself upon +your remembrance, did I not think it a duty I now owe your son, both to +risk and to bear the displeasure it may unhappily occasion. After +such an acknowledgment, all other confession would be superfluous; and +uncertain as I am if you will ever deign to own me, more words than are +necessary would be merely impertinent. + +It was the intention of your son, Sir, when he left the kingdom, to +submit wholly to your arbitration, at his return, which should be +resigned, his own name or my fortune: but his request for your decision, +and his supplication for your forgiveness, are both, most unfortunately, +prevented, by a premature and unforeseen discovery of our situation, +which renders an immediate determination absolutely unavoidable. + +At this distance from him, I cannot, in time, receive his directions +upon the measures I have to take; pardon me then, Sir, if well knowing +my reference to him will not be more implicit than his own to you, I +venture, in the present important crisis of my affairs, to entreat those +commands instantly, by which I am certain of being guided ultimately. + +I would commend myself to your favour but that I dread exciting your +resentment. I will detain you, therefore, only to add, that the father +of Mr Mortimer Delvile, will ever meet the most profound respect from +her who, without his permission, dare sign no name to the honour she now +has in declaring herself his most humble, and most obedient servant. + +* * * * * + +Her mind was somewhat easier when this letter was written, because she +thought it a duty, yet felt reluctance in performing it. She wished to +have represented to him strongly the danger of Delvile's hearing her +distress, but she knew so well his inordinate self-sufficiency, she +feared a hint of that sort might be construed into an insult, and +concluded her only chance that he would do any thing, was by leaving +wholly to his own suggestions the weighing and settling what. + +But though nothing was more uncertain than whether she should be +received at Delvile Castle, nothing was more fixed than that she must +quit her own house, since the pride of Mr Delvile left not even a chance +that his interest would conquer it. She deferred not, therefore, any +longer making preparations for her removal, though wholly unsettled +whither. + +Her first, which was also her most painful task, was to acquaint +Henrietta with her situation: she sent, therefore, to desire to speak +with her, but the countenance of Henrietta shewed her communication +would not surprise her. + +"What is the matter with my dear Henrietta?" cried Cecilia; "who is +it has already afflicted that kind heart which I am now compelled to +afflict for myself?" + +Henrietta, in whom anger appeared to be struggling with sorrow, +answered, "No, madam, not afflicted for _you_! it would be strange if I +were, thinking as I think!" + +"I am glad," said Cecilia, calmly, "if you are not, for I would give to +you, were it possible, nothing but pleasure and joy." + +"Ah madam!" cried Henrietta, bursting into tears, "why will you say so +when you don't care what becomes of me! when you are going to cast me +off!--and when you will soon be too happy ever to think of me more!" + +"If I am never happy till then," said Cecilia, "sad, indeed, will be +my life! no, my gentlest friend, you will always have your share in +my heart; and always, to me, would have been the welcomest guest in my +house, but for those unhappy circumstances which make our separating +inevitable." + +"Yet you suffered me, madam, to hear from any body that you was married +and going away; and all the common servants in the house knew it before +me." + +"I am amazed!" said Cecilia; "how and which way can they have heard it?" + +"The man that went to Mr Eggleston brought the first news of it, for +he said all the servants there talked of nothing else, and that their +master was to come and take possession here next Thursday." + +Cecilia started at this most unwelcome intelligence; "Yet you envy +me," she cried, "Henrietta, though I am forced from my house! though in +quitting it, I am unprovided with any other, and though him for whom +I relinquish it, is far off, without means of protecting, or power of +returning to me!" + +"But you are married to him, madam!" cried she, expressively. + +"True, my love; but, also, I am parted from him!" + +"Oh how differently," exclaimed Henrietta, "do the great think from +the little! were _I_ married,--and _so_ married, I should want neither +house, nor fine cloaths, nor riches, nor any thing;--I should not care +where I lived,--every place would be paradise! I would walk to him +barefoot if he were a thousand miles off, and I should mind nobody else +in the world while I had him to take care of me!" + +Ah Delvile! thought Cecilia, what powers of fascination are yours! +should I be tempted to repine at what I have to bear, I will think of +this heroick girl and blush! + +Mrs Harrel now broke in upon them, eager to be informed of the truth or +falsehood of the reports which were buzzed throughout the house. +Cecilia briefly related to them both the state of her affairs, earnestly +expressing her concern at the abrupt separation which must take place, +and for which she had been unable to prepare them, as the circumstances +which led to it had been wholly unforeseen by herself. + +Mrs Harrel listened to the account with much curiosity and surprize; but +Henrietta wept incessantly in hearing it: the object of a passion ardent +as it was romantic, lost to her past recovery; torn herself, probably +for ever, from the best friend she had in the world; and obliged to +return thus suddenly to an home she detested,--Henrietta possessed not +the fortitude to hear evils such as these, which, to her inexperienced +heart, appeared the severest that could be inflicted. + +This conversation over, Cecilia sent for her Steward, and desired him, +with the utmost expedition, to call in all her bills, and instantly to +go round to her tenants within twenty miles, and gather in, from those +who were able to pay, the arrears now due to her; charging him, however, +upon no account, to be urgent with such as seemed distressed. + +The bills she had to pay were collected without difficulty; she never +owed much, and creditors are seldom hard of access; but the money she +hoped to receive fell very short of her expectations, for the indulgence +she had shewn to her tenants had ill prepared them for so sudden a +demand. + + + +CHAPTER v. + +A DECISION. + +This business effectually occupied the present and following day; the +third, Cecilia expected her answer from Delvile Castle, and the visit +she so much dreaded from the attorney. + +The answer arrived first. + +_To Miss Beverley_. + +MADAM,--As my son has never apprized me of the extraordinary step which +your letter intimates, I am too unwilling to believe him capable of so +far forgetting what he owes his family, to ratify any such intimation by +interfering with my counsel or opinion.--I am, Madam, &c., + +COMPTON DELVILE. + +DELVILE CASTLE, _May 1st, 1780_. + +Cecilia had little right to be surprised by this letter, and she had not +a moment to comment upon it, before the attorney arrived. + +"Well, madam," said the man, as he entered the parlour, "Mr Eggleston +has stayed your own time very patiently: he commissions me now to +enquire if it is convenient to you to quit the premises." + +"No, Sir, it is by no means convenient to me; and if Mr Eggleston will +wait some time longer, I shall be greatly obliged to him." + +"No doubt, madam, but he will, upon proper considerations." + +"What, Sir, do you call proper?" + +"Upon your advancing to him, as I hinted before, an immediate particular +sum from what must, by and bye, be legally restituted." + +"If this is the condition of his courtesy, I will quit the house without +giving him further trouble." + +"Just as it suits you, madam. He will be glad to take possession +to-morrow or next day." + +"You did well, Sir, to commend his patience! I shall, however, merely +discharge my servants, and settle my accounts, and be ready to make way +for him." + +"You will not take it amiss, madam, if I remind you that the account +with Mr Eggleston must be the first that is settled." + +"If you mean the arrears of this last fortnight or three weeks, +I believe I must desire him to wait Mr Delvile's return, as I may +otherwise myself be distressed for ready money." + +"That, madam, is not likely, as it is well known you have a fortune that +was independent of your late uncle; and as to distress for ready money, +it is a plea Mr Eggleston can urge much more strongly." + +"This is being strangely hasty, Sir!--so short a time as it is since Mr +Eggleston could expect _any_ of this estate!" + +"That, madam, is nothing to the purpose; from the moment it is his, he +has as many wants for it as any other gentleman. He desired me, however, +to acquaint you, that if you still chose an apartment in this house, +till Mr Delvile returns, you shall have one at your service." + +"To be a _guest_ in this house, Sir," said Cecilia, drily, "might +perhaps seem strange to me; I will not, therefore, be so much in his +way." + +Mr Carn then informed her she might put her seal upon whatever she meant +hereafter to claim or dispute, and took his leave. + +Cecilia now shut herself up in her own room, to meditate without +interruption, before she would proceed to any action. She felt much +inclination to send instantly for some lawyer; but when she considered +her peculiar situation, the absence of her husband, the renunciation of +his father, the loss of her fortune, and her ignorance upon the subject, +she thought it better to rest quiet till Delvile's own fate, and own +opinion could be known, than to involve herself in a lawsuit she was so +little able to superintend. + +In this cruel perplexity of her mind and her affairs, her first thought +was to board again with Mrs Bayley; but that was soon given up, for she +felt a repugnance unconquerable to continuing in her native county, when +deprived of her fortune, and cast out of her dwelling. + +Her situation, indeed, was singularly unhappy, since, by this unforeseen +vicissitude of fortune, she was suddenly, from being an object of envy +and admiration, sunk into distress, and threatened with disgrace; from +being every where caressed, and by every voice praised, she blushed to +be seen, and expected to be censured; and, from being generally regarded +as an example of happiness, and a model of virtue, she was now in +one moment to appear to the world, an outcast from her own house, yet +received into no other! a bride, unclaimed by a husband! an HEIRESS, +dispossessed of all wealth! + +To be first acknowledged as _Mrs Delvile_ in a state so degrading, she +could not endure; and to escape from it, one way alone remained, which +was going instantly abroad. + +Upon this, therefore, she finally determined: her former objections to +such a step being now wholly, though unpleasantly removed, since she had +neither estate nor affairs to demand her stay, and since all hopes of +concealment were totally at an end. Her marriage, therefore, and its +disgraceful consequences being published to the world, she resolved +without delay to seek the only asylum which was proper for her, in the +protection of the husband for whom she had given up every other. + +She purposed, therefore, to go immediately and privately to London, +whence she could best settle her route for the continent: where she +hoped to arrive before the news of her distress reached Delvile, whom +nothing, she was certain, but her own presence, could keep there for a +moment after hearing it. + +Thus decided, at length, in her plan, she proceeded to put it in +execution with calmness and intrepidity; comforting herself that the +conveniencies and indulgencies with which she was now parting, would +soon be restored to her, and though not with equal power, with far more +satisfaction. She told her steward her design of going the next morning +to London, bid him pay instantly all her debts, and discharge all +her servants, determining to keep no account open but that with Mr +Eggleston, which he had made so intricate by double and undue demands, +that she thought it most prudent and safe to leave him wholly to +Delvile. + +She then packed up all her papers and letters, and ordered her maid to +pack up her clothes. + +She next put her own seal upon her cabinets, draws, and many other +things, and employed almost all her servants at once, in making complete +inventories of what every room contained. + +She advised Mrs Harrel to send without delay for Mr Arnott, and return +to his house. She had first purposed to carry Henrietta home to her +mother herself; but another scheme for her now occurred, from which she +hoped much future advantage to the amiable and dejected girl. + +She knew well, that deep as was at present her despondency, the removal +of all possibility of hope, by her knowledge of Delvile's marriage, must +awaken her before long from the delusive visions of her romantic fancy; +Mr Arnott himself was in a situation exactly similar, and the knowledge +of the same event would probably be productive of the same effect. When +Mrs Harrel, therefore, began to repine at the solitude to which she was +returning, Cecilia proposed to her the society of Henrietta, which, glad +to catch at any thing that would break into her loneliness, she listened +to with pleasure, and seconded by an invitation. + +Henrietta, to whom all houses appeared preferable to her own home, +joyfully accepted the offer, committing to Cecilia the communication of +the change of her abode to Mrs Belfield. + +Cecilia, who in the known and tried honour of Mr Arnott would +unreluctantly have trusted a sister, was much pleased by this little +arrangement, from which should no good ensue, no evil, at least, was +probable. But she hoped, through the mutual pity their mutual melancholy +might inspire, that their minds, already not dissimilar, would be +softened in favour of each other, and that, in conclusion, each might +be happy in receiving the consolation each could give, and a union would +take place, in which their reciprocal disappointment might, in time, be +nearly forgotten. + +There was not, indeed, much promise of such an event in the countenance +of Mr Arnott, when, late at night, he came for his sister, nor in the +unbounded sorrow of Henrietta, when the moment of leave-taking arrived. +Mr Arnott looked half dead with the shock his sister's intelligence had +given him, and Henrietta's heart, torn asunder between friendship +and love, was scarce able to bear a parting, which from Cecilia, she +regarded as eternal, added to the consciousness it was occasioned by her +going to join Delvile for life! + +Cecilia, who both read and pitied these conflicting emotions, was +herself extremely hurt by this necessary separation. She tenderly +loved Henrietta, she loved her even the more for the sympathy of their +affections, which called forth the most forcible commiseration,--that +which springs from fellow-feeling! + +"Farewell," she cried, "my Henrietta, be but happy as you are innocent, +and be both as I love you, and nothing will your friends have to wish +for you, or yourself to regret." + +"I must always regret," cried the sobbing Henrietta, "that I cannot live +with you for ever! I should regret it if I were queen of all the world, +how much more then, when I am nothing and nobody! I do not wish _you_ +happy, madam, for I think happiness was made on purpose for you, and +nobody else ever had it before; I only wish you health and long life, +for the sake of those who will be made as happy as you,--for you will +spoil them,--as you have spoilt me,--from being ever happy without you!" + +Cecilia re-iterated her assurances of a most faithful regard, embraced +Mrs Harrel, spoke words of kindness to the drooping Mr Arnott, and then +parted with them all. + +Having still many small matters to settle, and neither company nor +appetite, she would eat no supper; but, in passing thro' the hall, in +her way to her own room, she was much surprised to see all her domestics +assembled in a body. She stopt to enquire their intention, when they +eagerly pressed forward, humbly and earnestly entreating to know why +they were discharged? "For no reason in the world," cried Cecilia, "but +because it is at present out of my power to keep you any longer." + +"Don't part with _me_, madam, for that," cried one of them, "for I will +serve you for nothing!" + +"So will I!" cried another, "And I!" "And I!" was echoed by them all; +while "no other such mistress is to be found!" "We can never bear any +other place!" and "keep _me_, madam, at least!" was even clamorously +urged by each of them. + +Cecilia, distressed and flattered at once by their unwillingness to +quit her, received this testimony of gratitude for the kind and liberal +treatment they had received, with the warmest thanks both for their +services and fidelity, and assured them that when again she was settled, +all those who should be yet unprovided with places, should be preferred +in her house before any other claimants. + +Having, with difficulty, broken from them, she sent for her own man, +Ralph, who had lived with her many years before the death of the Dean, +and told him she meant still to continue him in her service. The man +heard it with great delight, and promised to re-double his diligence to +deserve her favour. She then communicated the same news to her maid, who +had also resided with her some years, and by whom with the same, or more +pleasure it was heard. + +These and other regulations employed her almost all night; yet late +and fatigued as she went to bed, she could not close her eyes: fearful +something was left undone, she robbed herself of the short time she had +allowed to rest, by incessant meditation upon what yet remained to be +executed. She could recollect, however, one only thing that had escaped +her vigilance, which was acquainting the pew-opener, and two or three +other poor women who had weekly pensions from her, that they must, at +least for the present, depend no longer upon her assistance. + +Nothing indeed could be more painful to her than giving them such +information, yet not to be speedy with it would double the barbarity of +their disappointment. She even felt for these poor women, whose loss in +her she knew would be irreparable, a compassion that drove from her mind +almost every other subject, and determined her, in order to soften to +them this misfortune, to communicate it herself, that she might prevent +them from sinking under it, by reviving them with hopes of her future +assistance. + +She had ordered at seven o'clock in the morning an hired chaise at the +door, and she did not suffer it long to wait for her. She quitted her +house with a heart full of care and anxiety, grieving at the necessity +of making such a sacrifice, uncertain how it would turn out, and +labouring under a thousand perplexities with respect to the measures +she ought immediately to take. She passed, when she reached the hall, +through a row of weeping domestics, not one of whom with dry eyes could +see the house bereft of such a mistress. She spoke to them all with +kindness, and as much as was in her power with chearfulness: but the +tone of her voice gave them little reason to think the concern at this +journey was all their own. + +She ordered her chaise to drive round to the pew-opener's and thence to +the rest of her immediate dependents. She soon, however, regretted that +she had given herself this task; the affliction of these poor pensioners +was clamorous, was almost heart-breaking; they could live, they said, no +longer, they were ruined for ever; they should soon be without bread +to eat, and they might cry for help in vain, when their generous, their +only benefactress was far away! + +Cecilia made the kindest efforts, to comfort and encourage them, +assuring them the very moment her own affairs were arranged, she would +remember them all, visit them herself, and contribute to their relief, +with all the power she should have left. Nothing, however, could console +them; they clung about her, almost took the horses from the chaise, +and conjured her not to desert those who were solely cherished by her +bounty! + +Nor was this all she had to suffer; the news of her intention to quit +the county was now reported throughout the neighbourhood, and had spread +the utmost consternation among the poor in general, and the lower close +of her own tenants in particular, and the road was soon lined with +women and children, wringing their hands and crying. They followed +her carriage with supplications that she would return to them, mixing +blessings with their lamentations, and prayers for her happiness with +the bitterest repinings at their own loss! + +Cecilia was extremely affected; her liberal and ever-ready hand was +every other instant involuntarily seeking her purse, which her many +immediate expences, made her prudence as often check: and now first she +felt the capital error she had committed, in living constantly to the +utmost extent of her income, without ever preparing, though so able to +have done it, against any unfortunate contingency. + +When she escaped, at last, from receiving any longer this painful +tribute to her benevolence, she gave orders to her man to ride forward +and stop at the Grove, that a precise and minute account of Mr Monckton, +might be the last, as it was now become the most important, news she +should hear in Suffolk. This he did, when to her equal surprise and +delight, she heard that he was suddenly so much better, there were hopes +of his recovery. + +Intelligence so joyful made her amends for almost every thing; yet she +hesitated not in her plan of going abroad, as she knew not where to be +in England, and could not endure to hurry Delvile from his sick mother, +by acquainting him with her helpless and distressed situation. But so +revived were her spirits by these unexpected tidings, that a gleam of +brightest hope once more danced before her eyes, and she felt herself +invigorated with fresh courage and new strength, sufficient to support +her through all hardships and fatigues. + +Spirits and courage were indeed much wanted for the enterprize she had +formed; but little used to travelling, and having never been out of +England, she knew nothing of the route but by a general knowledge of +geography, which, though it could guide her east or west, could teach +her nothing of foreign customs, the preparations necessary for the +journey, the impositions she should guard against, nor the various +dangers to which she might be exposed, from total ignorance of the +country through which she had to pass. + +Conscious of these deficiencies for such an undertaking, she deliberated +without intermission how to obviate them. Yet sometimes, when to these +hazards, those arising from her youth and sex were added, she was upon +the point of relinquishing her scheme, as too perilous for execution, +and resolving to continue privately in London till some change happened +in her affairs. + +But though to every thing she could suggest, doubts and difficulties +arose, she had no friend to consult, nor could devise any means by which +they might be terminated. Her maid was her only companion, and Ralph, +who had spent almost his whole life in Suffolk, her only guard and +attendant. To hire immediately some French servant, used to travelling +in his own country, seemed the first step she had to take, and so +essential, that no other appeared feasible till it was done. But where +to hear of such a man she could not tell, and to take one not +well recommended, would be exposing herself to frauds and dangers +innumerable. + +Yet so slow as Delvile travelled, from whom her last letter was still +dated Ostend, she thought herself almost certain, could she once reach +the continent, of overtaking him in his route within a day or two of her +landing. + +The earnest inclination with which this scheme was seconded, made her +every moment less willing to forego it. It seemed the only harbour for +her after the storm she had weathered, and the only refuge she could +properly seek while thus houseless and helpless. Even were Delvile in +England, he had no place at present to offer her, nor could any thing be +proposed so unexceptionable as her living with Mrs Delvile at Nice, +till he knew his father's pleasure, and, in a separate journey home, had +arranged his affairs either for her return, or her continuance abroad. + +With what regret did she now look back to the time when, in a distress +such as this, she should have applied for, and received the advice of +Mr Monckton as oracular! The loss of a counsellor so long, so implicitly +relied upon, lost to her also, only by his own interested worthlessness, +she felt almost daily, for almost daily some intricacy or embarrassment +made her miss his assistance: and though glad, since she found him so +undeserving, that she had escaped the snares he had spread for her, +she grieved much that she knew no man of honest character and equal +abilities, that would care for her sufficiently to supply his place in +her confidence. + +As she was situated at present, she could think only of Mr Belfield to +whom she could apply for any advice. Nor even to him was the application +unexceptionable, the calumnies of Mr Delvile senior making it +disagreeable to her even to see him. But he was at once a man of +the world and a man of honour; he was the friend of Mortimer, whose +confidence in him was great, and his own behaviour had uniformly shewn a +respect far removed from impertinence or vanity, and a mind superior to +being led to them by the influence of his gross mother. She had, indeed, +when she last quitted his house, determined never to re-enter it; but +determinations hasty or violent, are rarely observed, because rarely +practicable; she had promised Henrietta to inform Mrs Belfield whither +she was gone, and reconcile her to the absence she still hoped to make +from home. She concluded, therefore, to go to Portland-street without +delay, and enquire openly and at once whether, and when, she might +speak with Mr Belfield; resolving, if tormented again by any forward +insinuations, to rectify all mistakes by acknowledging her marriage. + +She gave directions accordingly to the post-boy and Ralph. + +With respect to her own lodgings while in town, as money was no longer +unimportant to her, she meant from the Belfields to go to the Hills, by +whom she might be recommended to some reputable and cheap place. To the +Belfields, however, though very late when she arrived in town, she +went first, unwilling to lose a moment in promoting her scheme of going +abroad. + +She left her maid in the chaise, and sent Ralph on to Mrs Hill, with +directions to endeavour immediately to procure her a lodging. + + + +CHAPTER vi. + +A PRATING. + +Cecilia was shewn into a parlour, where Mrs Belfield was very earnestly +discoursing with Mr Hobson and Mr Simkins; and Belfield himself, to her +great satisfaction, was already there, and reading. + +"Lack a-day!" cried Mrs Belfield, "if one does not always see the people +one's talking of! Why it was but this morning, madam, I was saying to Mr +Hobson, I wonder, says I, a young lady of such fortunes as Miss Beverley +should mope herself up so in the country! Don't you remember it, Mr +Hobson?" + +"Yes, madam," answered Mr Hobson, "but I think, for my part, the young +lady's quite in the right to do as she's a mind; for that's what I call +living agreeable: and if I was a young lady to-morrow, with such fine +fortunes, and that, it's just what I should do myself: for what I say +is this: where's the joy of having a little money, and being a little +matter above the world, if one has not one's own will?" + +"Ma'am," said Mr Simkins, who had scarce yet raised his head from the +profoundness of his bow upon Cecilia's entrance into the room, "if I may +be so free, may I make bold just for to offer you this chair?" + +"I called, madam," said Cecilia, seizing the first moment in her power +to speak, "in order to acquaint you that your daughter, who is perfectly +well, has made a little change in her situation, which she was anxious +you should hear from myself." + +"Ha! ha! stolen a match upon you, I warrant!" cried the facetious Mr +Hobson; "a good example for you, young lady; and if you take my advice, +you won't be long before you follow it; for as to a lady, let her be +worth never so much, she's a mere nobody, as one may say, till she can +get herself a husband, being she knows nothing of business, and is made +to pay for every thing through the nose." + +"Fie, Mr Hobson, fie!" said Mr Simkins, "to talk so slighting of the +ladies before their faces! what one says in a corner, is quite of +another nature; but for to talk so rude in their company,--I thought you +would scorn to do such a thing." + +"Sir, I don't want to be rude no more than yourself," said Mr Hobson, +"for what I say is, rudeness is a thing that makes nobody agreeable; +but I don't see because of that, why a man is not to speak his mind to +a lady as well as to a gentleman, provided he does it in a complaisant +fashion." + +"Mr Hobson," cried Mrs Belfield, very impatiently, "you might as well +let _me_ speak, when the matter is all about my own daughter." + +"I ask pardon, ma'am," said he, "I did not mean to stop you; for as to +not letting a lady speak, one might as well tell a man in business not +to look at the Daily Advertiser; why, it's morally impossible!" + +"But sure, madam," cried Mrs Belfield, "it's no such thing? You can't +have got her off already?" + +"I would I had!" thought Cecilia; who then explained her meaning; but in +talking of Mrs Harrel, avoided all mention of Mr Arnott, well foreseeing +that to hear such a man existed, and was in the same house with her +daughter, would be sufficient authority to her sanguine expectations, +for depending upon a union between them, and reporting it among her +friends, his circumstance being made clear, Cecilia added, "I could +by no means have consented voluntarily to parting so soon with Miss +Belfield, but that my own affairs call me at present out of the +kingdom." And then, addressing herself to Belfield, she enquired if he +could recommend to her a trusty foreign servant, who would be hired only +for the time she was to spend abroad? + +While Belfield was endeavouring to recollect some such person, Mr Hobson +eagerly called out "As to going abroad, madam, to be sure you're to do +as you like, for that, as I say, is the soul of every thing; but else I +can't say it's a thing I much approve; for my notion is this: here's a +fine fortune, got as a man may say, out of the bowels of one's mother +country, and this fine fortune, in default of male issue, is obliged to +come to a female, the law making no proviso to the contrary. Well, this +female, going into a strange country, naturally takes with her this +fortune, by reason it's the main article she has to depend upon; what's +the upshot? why she gets pilfered by a set of sharpers that never saw +England in their lives, and that never lose sight of her till she has +not a sous in the world. But the hardship of the thing is this: +when it's all gone, the lady can come back, but will the money come +back?--No, you'll never see it again: now this is what I call being no +true patriot." + +"I am quite ashamed for to hear you talk so, Mr Hobson!" cried Mr +Simkins, affecting to whisper; "to go for to take a person to task at +this rate, is behaving quite unbearable; it's enough to make the young +lady afraid to speak before you." + +"Why, Mr Simkins," answered Mr Hobson, "truth is truth, whether one +speaks it or not; and that, ma'am, I dare say, a young lady of your good +sense knows as well as myself." + +"I think, madam," said Belfield, who waited their silence with great +impatience, "that I know just such a man as you will require, and one +upon whose honesty I believe you may rely." + +"That's more," said Mr Hobson, "than I would take upon me to say for +any _Englishman_! where you may meet with such a _Frenchman_, I won't be +bold to say." + +"Why indeed," said Mr Simkins, "if I might take the liberty for to put +in, though I don't mean in no shape to go to contradicting the young +gentleman, but if I was to make bold to speak my private opinion upon +the head, I should be inclinable for to say, that as to putting a +dependance upon the French, it's a thing quite dubious how it may turn +out." + +"I take it as a great favour, ma'am," said Mrs Belfield, "that you have +been so complaisant as to make me this visit to-night, for I was almost +afraid you would not have done me the favour any more; for, to be sure, +when you was here last, things went a little unlucky: but I had no +notion, for my part, who the old gentleman was till after he was gone, +when Mr Hobson told me it was old Mr Delvile: though, sure enough, I +thought it rather upon the extraordinary order, that he should come here +into my parlour, and make such a secret of his name, on purpose to ask +me questions about my own son." + +"Why I think, indeed, if I may be so free," said Mr Simkins, "it was +rather petickeler of the gentleman; for, to be sure, if he was so over +curious to hear about your private concerns, the genteel thing, if I may +take the liberty for to differ, would have been for him to say, ma'am, +says he, I'm come to ask the favour of you just to let me a little into +your son's goings on; and any thing, ma'am, you should take a fancy for +to ask me upon the return, why I shall be very compliable, ma'am, says +he, to giving of you satisfaction." + +"I dare say," answered Mrs Belfield, "he would not have said so much if +you'd have gone down on your knees to ask him. Why he was upon the very +point of being quite in a passion because I only asked him his name! +though what harm that could do him, I'm sure I never could guess. +However, as he was so mighty inquisitive about my son, if I had but +known who he was in time, I should have made no scruple in the world to +ask him if he could not have spoke a few words for him to some of those +great people that could have done him some good. But the thing that I +believe put him so out of humour, was my being so unlucky as to say, +before ever I knew who he was, that I had heard he was not over and +above good-natured; for I saw he did not seem much to like it at the +time." + +"If he had done the generous thing," said Mr Simkins, "it would have +been for him to have made the proffer of his services of his own +free-will; and it's rather surpriseable to me he should never have +thought of it; for what could be so natural as for him to say, I see, +ma'am, says he, you've got a very likely young gentleman here, that's a +little out of cash, says he, so I suppose, ma'am, says he, a place, or a +pension, or something in that shape of life, would be no bad compliment, +says he." + +"But no such good luck as that will come to my share," cried Mrs +Belfield, "I can tell you that, for every thing I want to do goes quite +contrary. Who would not have thought such a son as mine, though I say it +before his face, could not have made his fortune long ago, living as he +did, among all the great folks, and dining at their table just like one +of themselves? yet, for all that, you see they let him go on his own +way, and think of him no more than of nobody! I'm sure they might be +ashamed to shew their faces, and so I should tell them at once, if I +could but get sight of them." + +"I don't mean, ma'am," said Mr Simkins, "for to be finding fault with +what you say, for I would not be unpelite in no shape; but if I might be +so free as for to differ a little bit, I must needs say I am rather for +going to work in anotherguess sort of a manner; and if I was as you--" + +"Mr Simkins," interrupted Belfield, "we will settle this matter another +time." And then, turning to the wearied Cecilia, "The man, madam," he +said, "whom I have done myself the honour to recommend to you, I can see +to-morrow morning; may I then tell him to wait upon you?" + +"I ask pardon for just putting in," cried Mr Simkins, before Cecilia +could answer, and again bowing down to the ground, "but I only mean to +say I had no thought for to be impertinent, for as to what I was agoing +to remark, is was not of no consequence in the least." + +"Its a great piece of luck, ma'am," said Mrs Belfield, "that you should +happen to come here, of a holiday! If my son had not been at home, I +should have been ready to cry for a week: and you might come any day the +year through but a Sunday, and not meet with him any more than if he had +never a home to come to." + +"If Mr Belfield's home-visits are so periodical," said Cecilia, "it must +be rather less, than more, difficult to meet with him." + +"Why you know, ma'am," answered Mrs Belfield, "to-day is a red-letter +day, so that's the reason of it." + +"A red-letter day?" + +"Good lack, madam, why have not you heard that my son is turned +book-keeper?" + +Cecilia, much surprised, looked at Belfield, who, colouring very high, +and apparently much provoked by his mother's loquacity, said, "Had Miss +Beverley not heard it even now, madam, I should probably have lost with +her no credit." + +"You can surely lose none, Sir," answered Cecilia, "by an employment too +little pleasant to have been undertaken from any but the most laudable +motives." + +"It is not, madam, the employment," said he, "for which I so much blush +as for the person employed--for _myself_! In the beginning of the winter +you left me just engaged in another business, a business with which +I was madly delighted, and fully persuaded I should be enchanted +for ever;--now, again, in the beginning of the summer,--you find me, +already, in a new occupation!" + +"I am sorry," said Cecilia, "but far indeed from surprised, that you +found yourself deceived by such sanguine expectations." + +"Deceived!" cried he, with energy, "I was bewitched, I was infatuated! +common sense was estranged by the seduction of a chimera; my +understanding was in a ferment from the ebullition of my imagination! +But when this new way of life lost its novelty,--novelty! that +short-liv'd, but exquisite bliss! no sooner caught than it vanishes, no +sooner tasted than it is gone! which charms but to fly, and comes but +to destroy what it leaves behind!--when that was lost, reason, cool, +heartless reason, took its place, and teaching me to wonder at the +frenzy of my folly, brought me back to the tameness--the sadness of +reality!" + +"I am sure," cried Mrs Belfield, "whatever it has brought you back to, +it has brought you back to no good! it's a hard case, you must needs +think, madam, to a mother, to see a son that might do whatever he would, +if he'd only set about it, contenting himself with doing nothing but +scribble and scribe one day, and when he gets tired of that, thinking of +nothing better than casting up two and two!" + +"Why, madam," said Mr Hobson, "what I have seen of the world is this; +there's nothing methodizes a man but business. If he's never so much +upon the stilts, that's always a sure way to bring him down, by reason +he soon finds there's nothing to be got by rhodomontading. Let every man +be his own carver; but what I say is, them gentlemen that are what one +may call geniuses, commonly think nothing of the main chance, till they +get a tap on the shoulder with a writ; and a solid lad, that knows three +times five is fifteen, will get the better of them in the long run. But +as to arguing with gentlemen of that sort, where's the good of it? You +can never bring them to the point, say what you will; all you can get +from them, is a farrago of fine words, that you can't understand without +a dictionary." + +"I am inclinable to think," said Mr Simkins, "that the young gentleman +is rather of opinion to like pleasure better than business; and, to be +sure, it's very excusable of him, because it's more agreeabler. And I +must needs say, if I may be so free, I'm partly of the young gentleman's +mind, for business is a deal more trouble." + +"I hope, however," said Cecilia to Belfield, "your present situation is +less irksome to you?" + +"Any situation, madam, must be less irksome than that which I quitted: +to write by rule, to compose by necessity, to make the understanding, +nature's first gift, subservient to interest, that meanest offspring of +art!--when weary, listless, spiritless, to rack the head for invention, +the memory for images, and the fancy for ornament and illusion; and when +the mind is wholly occupied by its own affections and affairs, to call +forth all its faculties for foreign subjects, uninteresting discussions, +or fictitious incidents!--Heavens! what a life of struggle between +the head and the heart! how cruel, how unnatural a war between the +intellects and the feelings!" + +"As to these sort of things," said Mr Hobson, "I can't say I am much +versed in them, by reason they are things I never much studied; but if I +was to speak my notion, it is this; the best way to thrive in the world +is to get money; but how is it to be got? Why by business: for business +is to money, what fine words are to a lady, a sure road to success. Now +I don't mean by this to be censorious upon the ladies, being they have +nothing else to go by, for as to examining if a man knows any thing of +the world, and that, they have nothing whereby to judge, knowing nothing +of it themselves. So that when they are taken in by rogues and sharpers, +the fault is all in the law, for making no proviso against their having +money in their own hands. Let every one be trusted according to their +headpiece and what I say is this: a lady in them cases is much to be +pitied, for she is obligated to take a man upon his own credit, which is +tantamount to no credit at all, being what man will speak an ill word of +himself? you may as well expect a bad shilling to cry out don't take me! +That's what I say, and that's my way of giving my vote." + +Cecilia, quite tired of these interruptions, and impatient to be gone, +now said to Belfield, "I should be much obliged to you, Sir, if you +could send to me the man you speak of tomorrow morning. I wished, also +to consult you with regard to the route I ought to take. My purpose is +to go to Nice, and as I am very desirous to travel expeditiously, you +may perhaps be able to instruct me what is the best method for me to +pursue." + +"Come, Mr Hobson and Mr Simkins," cried Mrs Belfield, with a look of +much significance and delight, "suppose you two and I was to walk into +the next room? There's no need for us to hear all the young lady may +have a mind to say." + +"She has nothing to say, madam," cried Cecilia, "that the whole world +may not hear. Neither is it my purpose to talk, but to listen, if Mr +Belfield is at leisure to favour me with his advice." + +"I must always be at leisure, and always be proud, madam," Belfield +began, when Hobson, interrupting him, said, "I ask pardon, Sir, for +intruding, but I only mean to wish the young lady good night. As to +interfering with business, that's not my way, for it's not the right +method, by reason--" + +"We will listen to your reason, Sir," cried Belfield, "some other time; +at present we will give you all credit for it unheard." + +"Let every man speak his own maxim, Sir," cried Hobson; "for that's what +I call fair arguing: but as to one person's speaking, and then making an +answer for another into the bargain, why it's going to work no-how; you +may as well talk to a counter, and think because you make a noise upon +it with your own hand, it gives you the reply." + +"Why, Mr Hobson," cried Mrs Belfield, "I am quite ashamed of you for +being so dull! don't you see my son has something to say to the lady +that you and I have no business to be meddling with?" + +"I'm sure, ma'am, for my part," said Mr Simkins, "I'm very agreeable to +going away, for as to putting the young lady to the blush, it's what I +would not do in no shape." + +"I only mean," said Mr Hobson, when he was interrupted by Mrs Belfield, +who, out of all patience, now turned him out of the room by the +shoulders, and, pulling Mr Simkins after, followed herself, and shut +the door, though Cecilia, much provoked, desired she would stay, and +declared repeatedly that all her business was public. + +Belfield, who had, looked ready to murder them all during this short +scene, now approached Cecilia, and with an air of mingled spirit and +respect, said, "I am much grieved, much confounded, madam, that your +ears should be offended by speeches so improper to reach them; yet if +it is possible I can have the honour of being of any use to you, in me, +still, I hope, you feel you may confide. I am too distant from you in +situation to give you reason to apprehend I can form any sinister views +in serving you; and, permit me to add, I am too near you in mind, ever +to give you the pain of bidding me remember that distance." + +Cecilia then, extremely unwilling to shock a sensibility not more +generous than jealous, determined to continue her enquiries, and, at +the same time, to prevent any further misapprehension, by revealing her +actual situation. + +"I am sorry, Sir," she answered, "to have occasioned this disturbance; +Mrs Belfield, I find, is wholly unacquainted with the circumstance which +now carries me abroad, or it would not have happened." + +Here a little noise in the passage interrupting her, she heard Mrs +Belfield, though in a low voice, say, "Hush, Sir, hush! you must not +come in just now; you've caught me, I confess, rather upon the listening +order; but to tell you the truth, I did not know what might be going +forward. However, there's no admittance now, I assure you, for my son's +upon particular business with a lady, and Mr Hobson and Mr Simkins and +I, have all been as good as turned out by them but just now." + +Cecilia and Belfield, though they heard this speech with mutual +indignation, had no time to mark or express it, as it was answered +without in a voice at once loud and furious, "_You_, madam, may be +content to listen here; pardon me if I am less humbly disposed!" And the +door was abruptly opened by young Delvile! + +Cecilia, who half screamed from excess of astonishment, would scarcely, +even by the presence of Belfield and his mother, have been restrained +from flying to meet him, had his own aspect invited such a mark of +tenderness; but far other was the case; when the door was open, he stopt +short with a look half petrified, his feet seeming rooted to the spot +upon which they stood. + +"I declare I ask pardon, ma'am," cried Mrs Belfield, "but the +interruption was no fault of mine, for the gentleman would come in; +and--" + +"It is no interruption, madam;" cried Belfield, "Mr Delvile does me +nothing but honour." + +"I thank you, Sir!" said Delvile, trying to recover and come forward, +but trembling violently, and speaking with the most frigid coldness. + +They were then, for a few instants, all silent; Cecilia, amazed by his +arrival, still more amazed by his behaviour, feared to speak lest +he meant not, as yet, to avow his marriage, and felt a thousand +apprehensions that some new calamity had hurried him home: while +Belfield was both hurt by his strangeness, and embarrassed for the sake +of Cecilia; and his mother, though wondering at them all, was kept quiet +by her son's looks. + +Delvile then, struggling for an appearance of more ease, said, "I seem +to have made a general confusion here:--pray, I beg"-- + +"None at all, Sir," said Belfield, and offered a chair to Cecilia. + +"No, Sir," she answered, in a voice scarce audible, "I was just going." +And again rang the bell. + +"I fear I hurry you, madam?" cried Delvile, whose whole frame was now +shaking with uncontrollable emotion; "you are upon business--I ought to +beg your pardon--my entrance, I believe, was unseasonable."-- + +"Sir!" cried she, looking aghast at this speech. + +"I should have been rather surprised," he added, "to have met you here, +so late,--so unexpectedly,--so deeply engaged--had I not happened to see +your servant in the street, who told me the honour I should be likely to +have by coming." + +"Good God!--" exclaimed she, involuntarily; but, checking herself as +well as she could, she courtsied to Mrs Belfield, unable to speak to +her, and avoiding even to look at Belfield, who respectfully hung back, +she hastened out of the room: accompanied by Mrs Belfield, who again +began the most voluble and vulgar apologies for the intrusion she had +met with. + +Delvile also, after a moment's pause, followed, saying, "Give me leave, +madam, to see you to your carriage." + +Cecilia then, notwithstanding Mrs Belfield still kept talking, could no +longer refrain saying, "Good heaven, what does all this mean?" + +"Rather for _me_ is that question," he answered, in such agitation he +could not, though he meant it, assist her into the chaise, "for mine, I +believe, is the greater surprise!" + +"What surprise?" cried she, "explain, I conjure you!" + +"By and bye I will," he answered; "go on postilion." + +"Where, Sir?" + +"Where you came from, I suppose." + +"What, Sir, back to Rumford?" + +"Rumford!" exclaimed he, with encreasing disorder, "you came then from +Suffolk hither?--from Suffolk to this very house?" + +"Good heaven!" cried Cecilia, "come into the chaise, and let me speak +and hear to be understood!" + +"Who is that now in it?" + +"My Maid." + +"Your maid?--and she waits for you thus at the door?"-- + +"What, what is it you mean?" + +"Tell the man, madam, whither to go." + +"I don't know myself--any where you please--do you order him." + +"I order him!--you came not hither to receive orders from _me_!--where +was it you had purposed to rest?" + +"I don't know--I meant to go to Mrs Hill's--I have no place taken."-- + +"No place taken!" repeated he, in a voice faultering between passion +and grief; "you purposed, then, to stay here?--I have perhaps driven you +away?" + +"Here!" cried Cecilia, mingling, in her turn, indignation with surprise, +"gracious heaven! what is it you mean to doubt?" + +"Nothing!" cried he, with emphasis, "I never have had, I never _will_ +have a doubt! I will know, I will have _conviction_ for every thing! +Postilion, drive to St James's-square!--to Mr Delvile's. There, madam, I +will wait upon you." + +"No! stay, postilion!" called out Cecilia, seized with terror +inexpressible; "let me get out, let me speak with you at once!" + +"It cannot be; I will follow you in a few minutes--drive on, postilion!" + +"No, no!--I will not go--I dare not leave you--unkind Delvile!--what is +it you suspect." + +"Cecilia," cried he, putting his hand upon the chaise-door, "I have +ever believed you spotless as an angel! and, by heaven! I believe you so +still, in spite of appearances--in defiance of every thing!--Now then be +satisfied;--I will be with you very soon. Meanwhile, take this letter, +I was just going to send to you.--Postilion, drive on, or be at your +peril!" + +The man waited no further orders, nor regarded the prohibition of +Cecilia, who called out to him without ceasing; but he would not listen +to her till he got to the end of the street; he then stopt, and she +broke the seal of her letter, and read, by the light of the lamps, +enough to let her know that Delvile had written it upon the road from +Dover to London, to acquaint her his mother was now better, and had +taken pity of his suspense and impatience, and insisted upon his coming +privately to England, to satisfy himself fully about Mr Monckton, +communicate his marriage to his father, and give those orders towards +preparing for its being made public, which his unhappy precipitation in +leaving the kingdom had prevented. + +This letter, which, though written but a few hours before she received +it, was full of tenderness, gratitude and anxiety for her happiness, +instantly convinced her that his strange behaviour had been wholly +the effect of a sudden impulse of jealousy; excited by so unexpectedly +finding her in town, at the very house where his father had assured +him she had an improper connexion, and alone, so suspiciously, with +the young man affirmed to be her favourite. He knew nothing of the +ejectment, nothing of any reason for her leaving Suffolk, every thing +had the semblance of no motive but to indulge a private and criminal +inclination. + +These thoughts, which confusedly, yet forcibly, rushed upon her mind, +brought with them at once an excuse for his conduct, and an alarm for +his danger; "He must think," she cried, "I came to town only to meet Mr +Belfield!" then, opening the chaise-door herself, she jumpt out, and ran +back into Portland-street, too impatient to argue with the postilion to +return with her, and stopt not till she came to Mrs Belfield's house. + +She knocked at the door with violence; Mrs Belfield came to it herself; +"Where," cried she, hastily entering as she spoke, "are the gentlemen?" + +"Lack-a-day! ma'am," answered Mrs Belfield, "they are both gone out." + +"Gone out?--where to?--which way?" + +"I am sure I can't tell, ma'am, no more than you can; but I am sadly +afraid they'll have a quarrel before they've done." + +"Oh heaven!" cried Cecilia, who now doubted not a second duel, "tell me, +shew me, which way they went?" + +"Why, ma'am, to let you into the secret," answered Mrs Belfield, "only I +beg you'll take no notice of it to my son, but, seeing them so much out +of sorts, I begged the favour of Mr Simkins, as Mr Hobson was gone out +to his club, just to follow them, and see what they were after." + +Cecilia was much rejoiced this caution had been taken, and determined to +wait his return. She would have sent for the chaise to follow her; but +Mrs Belfield kept no servant, and the maid of the house was employed in +preparing the supper. + +When Mr Simkins came back, she learnt, after various interruptions from +Mrs Belfield, and much delay from his own slowness and circumlocution, +that he had pursued the two gentlemen to the * * coffee-house. + +She hesitated not a moment in resolving to follow them: she feared the +failure of any commission, nor did she know whom to entrust with +one: and the danger was too urgent for much deliberation. She begged, +therefore, that Mr. Simkins would walk with her to the chaise; but +hearing that the coffee-house was another way, she desired Mrs Belfield +to let the servant run and order it to Mrs Roberts, in Fetterlane, and +then eagerly requested Mr Simkins to accompany her on foot till they met +with an hackney-coach. + +They then set out, Mr Simkins feeling proud and happy in being allowed +to attend her, while Cecilia, glad of any protection, accepted his offer +of continuing with her, even after she met with an hackney-coach. + +When she arrived at the coffee-house, she ordered the coachman to desire +the master of it to come and speak with her. + +He came, and she hastily called out, "Pray, are two gentlemen here?" + +"Here are several gentlemen here, madam." + +"Yes, yes,--but are two upon any business--any particular business--" + +"Two gentlemen, madam, came about half an hour ago, and asked for a room +to themselves." + +"And where are they now?--are they up stairs?--down stairs?--where are +they?" + +"One of them went away in about ten minutes, and the other soon after." + +Bitterly chagrined and disappointed, she knew not what step to take +next; but, after some consideration, concluded upon obeying Delvile's +own directions, and proceeding to St James's-square, where alone, now, +she seemed to have any chance of meeting with him. Gladly, however, she +still consented to be accompanied by Mr Simkins, for her dread of being +alone, at so late an hour, in an hackney-coach, was invincible. Whether +Delvile himself had any authority for directing her to his father's, +or whether, in the perturbation of his new--excited and agonising +sensations of jealousy, he had forgotten that any authority was +necessary, she knew not; nor could she now interest herself in the +doubt: a second scene, such as had so lately passed with Mr Monckton, +occupied all her thoughts: she knew the too great probability that +the high spirit of Belfield would disdain making the explanation which +Delvile in his present agitation might require, and the consequence of +such a refusal must almost inevitably be fatal. + + + +CHAPTER vii. + +A PURSUIT. + +The moment the porter came to the door, Cecilia eagerly called out from +the coach, "Is Mr Delvile here?" + +"Yes, madam," he answered, "but I believe he is engaged." + +"Oh no matter for any engagement!" cried she, "on the door,--I must speak +to him this moment!" + +"If you will please to step into the parlour, madam, I will tell +his gentleman you are here; but he will be much displeased if he is +disturbed without notice." + +"Ah heaven!" exclaimed she, "what Mr Delvile are you talking of?" + +"My master, madam." + +Cecilia, who had got out of the coach, now hastily returned to it, +and was some time in too great agony to answer either the porter, who +desired some message, or the coachman, who asked whither he was to +drive. To see Mr Delvile, unprotected by his son, and contrary to his +orders, appeared to her insupportable; yet to what place could she go? +where was she likely to meet with Delvile? how could he find her if she +went to Mrs Hill's? and in what other house could she at present claim +admittance? + +After a little recovering from this cruel shock, she ventured, though in +a faultering voice, to enquire whether young Mr Delvile had been there? + +"Yes, madam," the porter answered; "we thought he was abroad, but he +called just now, and asked if any lady had been at the house. He would +not even stay to go up to my master, and we have not dared tell him of +his arrival." + +This a little revived her; to hear that he had actually been enquiring +for her, at least assured her of his safety from any immediate violence, +and she began to hope she might now possibly meet with him time +enough to explain all that had past in his absence, and occasioned her +seemingly strange and suspicious situation at Belfield's. She compelled +herself, therefore, to summon courage for seeing his father, since, as +he had directed her to the house, she concluded he would return there to +seek her, when he had wandered elsewhere to no purpose. + +She then, though with much timidity and reluctance, sent a message to Mr +Delvile to entreat a moment's audience. + +An answer was brought her that he saw no company so late at night. + +Losing now all dread of his reproaches, in her superior dread of missing +Delvile, she called out earnestly to the man, "Tell him, Sir, I beseech +him not to refuse me! tell him I have something to communicate that +requires his immediate attention!" + +The servant obeyed; but soon returning, said his master desired him to +acquaint her he was engaged every moment he stayed in town, and must +positively decline seeing her. + +"Go to him again," cried the harassed Cecilia, "assure him I come not +from myself, but by the desire of one he most values: tell him I entreat +but permission to wait an hour in his house, and that I have no other +place in the world whither I can go!" + +Mr Delvile's own gentleman brought, with evident concern, the answer +to this petition; which was, that while the Honourable Mr Delvile was +himself alive, he thought the desire of any other person concerning his +house, was taking with him a very extraordinary liberty; and that he was +now going to bed, and had given orders to his servants to carry him no +more messages whatsoever, upon pain of instant dismission. + +Cecilia now seemed totally destitute of all resource, and for a few +dreadful minutes, gave herself up to utter despondency: nor, when she +recovered her presence of mind, could she form any better plan than that +of waiting in the coach to watch the return of Delvile. + +She told the coachman, therefore, to drive to a corner of the square, +begging Mr Simkins to have patience, which he promised with much +readiness, and endeavoured to give her comfort, by talking without +cessation. + +She waited here near half an hour. She then feared the disappointment of +Delvile in not meeting her at first, had made him conclude she meant +not to obey his directions, and had perhaps urged him to call again upon +Belfield, whom he might fancy privy to her non-appearance. This was +new horror to her, and she resolved at all risks to drive to +Portland-street, and enquire if Belfield himself was returned home. Yet, +lest they should mutually be pursuing each other all night, she stopt +again at Mr Delvile's, and left word with the porter, that if young Mr +Delvile should come home, he would hear of the person he was enquiring +for at Mrs Roberts's in Fetter-lane. To Belfield's she did not dare +to direct him; and it was her intention, if there she procured no new +intelligence, to leave the same message, and then go to Mrs Roberts +without further delay. To make such an arrangement with a servant who +knew not her connection with his young master, was extremely repugnant +to her; but the exigence was too urgent for scruples, and there was +nothing to which she would not have consented, to prevent the fatal +catastrophe she apprehended. + +When she came to Belfield's, not daring to enter the house, she sent in +Mr Simkins, to desire that Mrs Belfield would be so good as to step to +the coach door. + +"Is your son, madam," she cried, eagerly, "come home? and is any body +with him?" + +"No, ma'am; he has never once been across the threshold since that +gentleman took him out; and I am half out of my wits to think"-- + +"Has that gentleman," interrupted Cecilia, "been here anymore?" + +"Yes, ma'am, that's what I was going to tell you; he came again just +now, and said"-- + +"Just now?--good heaven!--and which way is he gone?" + +"Why he is after no good, I am afraid, for he was in a great passion, +and would hardly hear any thing I said." + +"Pray, pray answer me quick!--where, which way did he go?" + +"Why, he asked me if I knew whither my son was come from the * * +coffee-house; why, says I, I'm sure I can't tell, for if it had not been +for Mr Simkins, I should not so much as have known he ever went to the +* * coffee-house; however, I hope he a'n't come away, because if he is, +poor Miss Beverley will have had all that trouble for nothing; for she's +gone after him in a prodigious hurry; and upon my only saying that, he +seemed quite beside himself, and said, if I don't meet with your son at +the * * coffee-house myself, pray, when he comes in, tell him I shall be +highly obliged to him to call there; and then he went away, in as great +a pet as ever you saw." + +Cecilia listened to this account with the utmost terror and misery; the +suspicions of Delvile would now be aggravated, and the message he +had left for Belfield, would by him be regarded as a defiance. Again, +however, to the * * coffee-house she instantly ordered the coach, an +immediate explanation from herself seeming the only possible chance for +preventing the most horrible conclusion to this unfortunate and eventful +evening. + +She was still accompanied by Mr Simkins, and, but that she attended to +nothing he said, would not inconsiderably have been tormented by his +conversation. She sent him immediately into the coffee-room, to enquire +if either of the gentlemen were then in the house. + +He returned to her with a waiter, who said, "One of them, madam, called +again just now, but he only stopt to write a note, which he left to be +given to the gentleman who came with him at first. He is but this moment +gone, and I don't think he can be at the bottom of the street." + +"Oh drive then, gallop after him!"--cried Cecilia; "coachman! go this +moment!" + +"My horses are tired," said the man, "they have been out all day, and +they will gallop no further, if I don't stop and give them a drink." + +Cecilia, too full of hope and impatience for this delay, forced open +the door herself, and without saying another word, jumped out of the +carriage, with intention to run down the street; but the coachman +immediately seizing her, protested she should not stir till he was paid. + +In the utmost agony of mind at an hindrance by which she imagined +Delvile would be lost to her perhaps for ever, she put her hand in her +pocket, in order to give up her purse for her liberty; but Mr Simkins, +who was making a tiresome expostulation with the coachman, took it +himself, and declaring he would not see the lady cheated, began a +tedious calculation of his fare. + +"O pay him any thing!" cried she, "and let us be gone! an instant's +delay may be fatal!" + +Mr Simkins, too earnest to conquer the coachman to attend to her +distress, continued his prolix harangue concerning a disputed shilling, +appealing to some gathering spectators upon the justice of his cause; +while his adversary, who was far from sober, still held Cecilia, saying +the coach had been hired for the lady, and he would be paid by herself. + +"Good God!" cried the agitated Cecilia,--"give him my purse at +once!--give him every thing he desires!"-- + +The coachman, at this permission, encreased his demands, and Mr Simkins, +taking the number of his coach, protested he would summons him to the +Court of Conscience the next morning. A gentleman, who then came out +of the coffee-house, offered to assist the lady, but the coachman, who +still held her arm, swore he would have his right. + +"Let me go! let me pass!" cried she, with encreasing eagerness and +emotion; "detain me at your peril!--release me this moment--only let me +run to the end of the street,--good God! good Heaven! detain me not for +mercy!" + +Mr Simkins, humbly desiring her not to be in haste, began a formal +apology for his conduct; but the inebriety of the coachman became +evident; a mob was collecting; Cecilia, breathless with vehemence and +terror, was encircled, yet struggled in vain to break away; and the +stranger gentleman, protesting, with sundry compliments, he would +himself take care of her, very freely seized her hand. + +This moment, for the unhappy Cecilia, teemed with calamity; she was +wholly overpowered; terror for Delvile, horror for herself, hurry, +confusion, heat and fatigue, all assailing her at once, while all means +of repelling them were denied her, the attack was too strong for her +fears, feelings, and faculties, and her reason suddenly, yet totally +failing her, she madly called out, "He will be gone! he will be gone! +and I must follow him to Nice!" + +The gentleman now retreated; but Mr Simkins, who was talking to the mob, +did not hear her; and the coachman, too much intoxicated to perceive her +rising frenzy, persisted in detaining her. + +"I am going to France!" cried she, still more wildly, "why do you stop +me? he will die if I do not see him, he will bleed to death!" + +The coachman, still unmoved, began to grow very abusive; but the +stranger, touched by compassion, gave up his attempted gallantry, and Mr +Simkins, much astonished, entreated her not to be frightened: she was, +however, in no condition to listen to him; with a strength hitherto +unknown to her, she forcibly disengaged herself from her persecutors; +yet her senses were wholly disordered; she forgot her situation, her +intention, and herself; the single idea of Delvile's danger took sole +possession of her brain, though all connection with its occasion was +lost, and the moment she was released, she fervently clasped her hands, +exclaiming, "I will yet heal his wound, even at the hazard of my life!" +and springing forward, was almost instantly out of sight. + +Mr Simkins now, much alarmed, and earnestly calling after her, entered +into a compromise with the coachman, that he might attend her; but the +length of his negociation defeated its purpose, and before he was +at liberty to follow her, all trace was lost by which he might have +overtaken her. He stopt every passenger he met to make enquiries, but +though they led him on some way, they led him on in vain; and, after +a useless and ill-managed pursuit, he went quietly to his own home, +determining to acquaint Mrs Belfield with what had happened the next +morning. + +Mean while the frantic Cecilia escaped both pursuit and insult by the +velocity of her own motion. She called aloud upon Delvile as she flew to +the end of the street. No Delvile was there!--she turned the corner; +yet saw nothing of him; she still went on, though unknowing whither, +the distraction of her mind every instant growing greater, from the +inflammation of fatigue, heat, and disappointment. She was spoken to +repeatedly; she was even caught once or twice by her riding habit; but +she forced herself along by her own vehement rapidity, not hearing what +was said, nor heeding what was thought. Delvile, bleeding by the arm of +Belfield, was the image before her eyes, and took such full possession +of her senses, that still, as she ran on, she fancied it in view. She +scarce touched the ground; she scarce felt her own motion; she seemed +as if endued with supernatural speed, gliding from place to place, from +street to street; with no consciousness of any plan, and following no +other direction than that of darting forward where-ever there was most +room, and turning back when she met with any obstruction; till quite +spent and exhausted, she abruptly ran into a yet open shop, where, +breathless and panting, she sunk upon the floor, and, with a look +disconsolate and helpless, sat for some time without speaking. + +The people of the house, concluding at first she was a woman of the +town, were going roughly to turn her out; but soon seeing their mistake, +by the evident distraction of her air and manner, they enquired of some +idle people who, late as it was, had followed her, if any of them knew +who she was, or whence she came? + +They could give no account of her, but supposed she was broke loose from +Bedlam. + +Cecilia then, wildly starting up, exclaimed, "No, no,--I am not mad,--I +am going to Nice--to my husband." + +"She's quite crazy," said the man of the house, who was a Pawn-Broker; +"we had better get rid of her before she grows mischievous--" + +"She's somebody broke out from a private mad house, I dare say," said a +man who had followed her into the shop; "and if you were to take care of +her a little while, ten to one but you'll get a reward for it." + +"She's a gentlewoman, sure enough," said the mistress of the house, +"because she's got such good things on." + +And then, under pretence of trying to find some direction to her upon +a letter, or paper, she insisted upon searching her pockets: here, +however, she was disappointed in her expectations: her purse was in the +custody of Mr Simkins, but neither her terror nor distress had saved her +from the daring dexterity of villainy, and her pockets, in the mob, +had been rifled of whatever else they contained. The woman therefore +hesitated some time whether to take charge of her or, not: but being +urged by the man who made the proposal, and who said they might depend +upon seeing her soon advertised, as having escaped from her keepers, +they ventured to undertake her. + +Mean while she endeavoured again to get out, calling aloud upon Delvile +to rescue her, but so wholly bereft of sense and recollection, she could +give no account who she was, whence she came, or whither she wished to +go. + +They then carried her up stairs, and attempted to make her lie down +upon a bed; but supposing she refused because it was not of straw, they +desisted; and, taking away the candle, locked the door, and all went to +rest. + +In this miserable condition, alone and raving, she was left to pass +the night! in the early part of it, she called upon Delvile without +intermission, beseeching him to come to her defence in one moment, and +deploring his death the next; but afterwards, her strength being wholly +exhausted by these various exertions and fatigues, she threw herself +upon the floor, and lay for some minutes quite still. Her head then +began to grow cooler, as the fever into which terror and immoderate +exercise had thrown her abated, and her memory recovered its functions. + +This was, however, only a circumstance of horror to her: she found +herself shut up in a place of confinement, without light, without +knowledge where she was, and not a human being near her! + +Yet the same returning reason which enabled her to take this view of +her own situation, brought also to her mind that in which she had left +Delvile;--under all the perturbation of new-kindled jealousy, just +calling upon Belfield,--Belfield, tenacious of his honour even more than +himself,--to satisfy doubts of which the very mention would be received +as a challenge! + +"Oh yet, oh yet," cried she, "let me fly and overtake them!--I may find +them before morning, and to-night it must surely have been too late for +this work of death!" + +She then arose to feel for the door, and succeeded; but it was locked, +and no effort she could make enabled her to open it. + +Her agony was unspeakable; she called out with violence upon the people +of the house, conjured them to set her at liberty, offered any reward +for their assistance, and threatened them with a prosecution if +detained. + +Nobody, however, came near her: some slept on notwithstanding all the +disturbance she could make, and others; though awakened by her cries, +concluded them the ravings of a mad woman, and listened not to what she +said. + +Her head was by no means in a condition to bear this violence of +distress; every pulse was throbbing, every vein seemed bursting, her +reason, so lately returned, could not bear the repetition of such a +shock, and from supplicating for help with all the energy of feeling +and understanding, she soon continued the cry from mere vehemence of +distraction. + +Thus dreadfully passed the night; and in the morning, when the woman of +the house came to see after her, she found her raving with such frenzy, +and desperation, that her conscience was perfectly at ease in the +treatment she had given her, being now firmly satisfied she required the +strictest confinement. + +She still, however, tried to get away; talked of Delvile without +cessation, said she should be too late to serve him, told the woman she +desired but to prevent murder, and repeatedly called out, "Oh beloved of +my heart! wait but a moment, and I will snatch thee from destruction!" + +Mrs Wyers, this woman, now sought no longer to draw from her whence she +came, or who she was, but heard her frantic exclamations without any +emotion, contentedly concluding that her madness was incurable: and +though she was in a high fever, refused all sustenance, and had every +symptom of an alarming and dangerous malady, she was fully persuaded +that her case was that of decided insanity, and had not any notion of +temporary or accidental alienation of reason. + +All she could think of by way of indulgence to her, was to bring her +a quantity of straw, having heard that mad people were fond of it; and +putting it in a heap in one corner of the room, she expected to see her +eagerly fly at it. + +Cecilia, however, distracted as she was, was eager for nothing but to +escape, which was constantly her aim, alike when violent or when quiet. +Mrs Wyers, finding this, kept her closely confined, and the door always +locked, whether absent or present. + + + +CHAPTER vii. + +AN ENCOUNTER. + +Two whole days passed thus; no enquiries reached Mrs Wyers, and she +found in the news-papers no advertisement. Meanwhile Cecilia grew worse +every moment, tasted neither drink nor food, raved incessantly, called +out twenty times in a breath, "Where is he? which way is he gone?" +and implored the woman by the most pathetic remonstrances, to save her +unhappy Delvile, _dearer to her than life, more precious than peace or +rest_! + +At other times she talked of her marriage, of the displeasure of his +family, and of her own remorse; entreated the woman not to betray her, +and promised to spend the remnant of her days in the heaviness of sorrow +and contrition. + +Again her fancy roved, and Mr Monckton took sole possession of it. She +reproached him for his perfidy, she bewailed that he was massacred, she +would not a moment out-live him, and wildly declared _her last remains +should moulder in his hearse_! And thus, though naturally and commonly +of a silent and quiet disposition, she was now not a moment still, for +the irregular starts of a terrified and disordered imagination, were +changed into the constant ravings of morbid delirium. + +The woman, growing uneasy from her uncertainty of pay for her trouble, +asked the advice of some of her friends what was proper for her to do; +and they counselled her to put an advertisement into the papers herself +the next morning. + +The following, therefore, was drawn up and sent to the printer of the +Daily Advertiser. + +MADNESS. + +Whereas a crazy young lady, tall, fair complexioned, with blue eyes and +light hair, ran into the Three Blue Balls, in----street, on Thursday +night, the 2nd instant, and has been kept there since out of charity. +She was dressed in a riding habit. Whoever she belongs to is desired to +send after her immediately. She has been treated with the utmost care +and tenderness. She talks much of some person by the name of Delvile. + +N.B.--She had no money about her. + +May, 1780. + +This had but just been sent off, when Mr Wyers, the man of the house, +coming up stairs, said, "Now we shall have two of them, for here's +the crazy old gentleman below, that says he has just heard in the +neighbourhood of what has happened to us, and he desires to see the poor +lady." + +"It's as well let him come up, then," answered Mrs Wyers, "for he goes +to all sort of places and people, and ten to one but he'll bustle about +till he finds out who she is." + +Mr Wyers then went down stairs to send him up. + +He came instantly. It was Albany, who in his vagrant rambles, having +heard an unknown mad lady was at this pawn-broker's, came, with his +customary eagerness to visit and serve the unhappy, to see what could be +done for her. + +When he entered the room, she was sitting upon the bed, her eyes +earnestly fixed upon the window, from which she was privately indulging +a wish to make her escape. Her dress was in much disorder, her fine hair +was dishevelled, and the feathers of her riding hat were broken and half +falling down, some shading her face, others reaching to her shoulder. + +"Poor lady!" cried Albany, approaching her, "how long has she been in +this state?" + +She started at the sound of a new voice, she looked round,--but what was +the astonishment of Albany to see who it was!--He stept back,-he came +forward,--he doubted his own senses,--he looked at her earnestly,--he +turned from her to look at the woman of the house,--he cast his eyes +round the room itself, and then, lifting up his hands, "O sight of woe!" +he cried, "the generous and good! the kind reliever of distress! the +benign sustainer of misery!--is _This_ Cecilia!"-- + +Cecilia, imperfectly recollecting, though not understanding him, sunk +down at his feet, tremblingly called out, "Oh, if he is yet to be saved, +if already he is not murdered,--go to him! fly after him! you will +presently overtake him, he is only in the next street, I left him there +myself, his sword drawn, and covered with human blood!" + +"Sweet powers of kindness and compassion!" cried the old man, "look upon +this creature with pity! she who raised the depressed, she who cheared +the unhappy! she whose liberal hand turned lamentations into joy! who +never with a tearless eye could hear the voice of sorrow!--is _This_ she +herself!--can _This_ be Cecilia!" + +"O do not wait to talk!" cried she, "go to him now, or you will never +see him more! the hand of death is on him,--cold, clay-cold is its +touch! he is breathing his last--Oh murdered Delvile! massacred husband +of my heart! groan not so piteously! fly to him, and weep over him!--fly +to him and pluck the poniard from his wounded bosom!" + +"Oh sounds of anguish and horror!" cried the melted moralist, tears +running quick down his rugged cheeks; "melancholy indeed is this +sight, humiliating to morality! such is human strength, such human +felicity!--weak as our virtues, frail as our guilty natures!" + +"Ah," cried she, more wildly, "no one will save me now! I am married, +and no one will listen to me! ill were the auspices under which I gave +my hand! Oh it was a work of darkness, unacceptable and offensive! it +has been sealed, therefore, with blood, and to-morrow it will be signed +with murder!" + +"Poor distracted creature!" exclaimed he, "thy pangs I have felt, but +thy innocence I have forfeited!--my own wounds bleed afresh,--my own +brain threatens new frenzy."-- + +Then, starting up, "Good woman," he added, "kindly attend her,--I will +seek out her friends, put her into bed, comfort, sooth, compose her.--I +will come to you again, and as soon as I can." + +He then hurried away. + +"Oh hour of joy!" cried Cecilia, "he is gone to rescue him! oh blissful +moment! he will yet be snatched from slaughter!" + +The woman lost not an instant in obeying the orders she had received; +she was put into bed, and nothing was neglected, as far as she had +power and thought, to give a look of decency and attention to her +accommodations. + +He had not left them an hour, when Mary, the maid who had attended +her from Suffolk, came to enquire for her lady. Albany, who was now +wandering over the town in search of some of her friends, and who +entered every house where he imagined she was known, had hastened to +that of Mrs Hill the first of any, as he was well acquainted with her +obligations to Cecilia; there, Mary herself, by the directions which +her lady had given Mrs Belfield, had gone; and there, in the utmost +astonishment and uneasiness, had continued till Albany brought news of +her. + +She was surprised and afflicted beyond measure, not only at the state of +her mind, and her health, but to find her in a bed and an apartment so +unsuitable to her rank of life, and so different to what she had ever +been accustomed. She wept bitterly while she enquired at the bed-side +how her lady did, but wept still more, when, without answering, or +seeming to know her, Cecilia started up, and called out, "I must be +removed this moment! I must go to St James's-square,--if I stay an +instant longer, the passing-bell will toll, and then how shall I be in +time for the funeral?" + +Mary, alarmed and amazed, turned hastily from her to the woman of the +house, who calmly said, the lady was only in a raving fit, and must not +be minded. + +Extremely frightened at this intelligence, she entreated her to be quiet +and lie still. But Cecilia grew suddenly so violent, that force only +could keep her from rising; and Mary, unused to dispute her commands, +prepared to obey them. + +Mrs Wyers now in her turn opposed in vain; Cecilia was peremptory, and +Mary became implicit, and, though not without much difficulty, she +was again dressed in her riding habit. This operation over, she moved +towards the door, the temporary strength of delirium giving, her a +hardiness that combated fever, illness, fatigue, and feebleness. Mary, +however averse and fearful, assisted her, and Mrs Wyers, compelled by +the obedience of her own servant, went before them to order a chair. + +Cecilia, however, felt her weakness when she attempted to move down +stairs; her feet tottered, and her head became dizzy; she leaned it +against Mary, who called aloud for more help, and made her sit down till +it came. Her resolution, however, was not to be altered; a stubbornness, +wholly foreign to her genuine character, now made her stern and +positive; and Mary, who thought her submission indispensable, cried, but +did not offer to oppose her. + +Mr and Mrs Wyers both came up to assist in supporting her, and Mr Wyers +offered to carry her in his arms; but she would not consent; when she +came to the bottom of the stairs, her head grew worse, she again lent +it upon Mary, but Mr Wyers was obliged to hold them both. She still, +however, was firm in her determination, and was making another effort to +proceed, when Delvile rushed hastily into the shop. + +He had just encountered Albany; who, knowing his acquaintance, though +ignorant of his marriage, with Cecilia, had informed him where to seek +her. + +He was going to make enquiry if he was come to the right house, when +he perceived her,--feeble, shaking, leaning upon one person, and half +carried by another!--he started back, staggered, gasped for breath,--but +finding they were proceeding, advanced with trepidation, furiously +calling out, "Hold! stop!--what is it you are doing? Monsters of savage +barbarity, are you murdering my wife?" + +The well-known voice no sooner struck the ears of Cecilia, than +instantly recollecting it, she screamed, and, is suddenly endeavouring +to spring forward, fell to the ground. + +Delvile had vehemently advanced to catch her in his arms and save her +fall, which her unexpected quickness had prevented her attendants from +doing; but the sight of her changed complection, and the wildness of her +eyes and air, again made him start,--his blood froze through his veins, +and he stood looking at her, cold and almost petrified. + +Her own recollection of him seemed lost already; and exhausted by the +fatigue she had gone through in dressing and coming down stairs, she +remained still and quiet, forgetting her design of proceeding, and +forming no new one for returning. + +Mary, to whom, as to all her fellow servants, the marriage of Cecilia +had been known, before she left the country, now desired from Delvile +directions what was to be done. + +Delvile, starting suddenly at this call from the deepest horror into the +most desperate rage, fiercely exclaimed, "Inhuman wretches! unfeeling, +execrable wretches, what is it you have done to her? how came she +hither?--who brought her?--who dragged her?--by what infamous usage has +she been sunk into this state?" + +"Indeed, sir, I don't know!" cried Mary. + +"I assure you, sir," said Mrs Wyers, "the lady--" + +"Peace!" cried he, furiously, "I will not hear your falsehoods!--peace, +and begone!"-- + +Then, casting himself upon the ground by her side, "Oh my Cecilia," +he cried, "where hast thou been thus long? how have I lost thee? what +dreadful calamity has befallen thee?--answer me, my love! raise your +sweet head and answer me!--oh speak!--say to me any thing; the bitterest +words will be mercy to this silence!"--- + +Cecilia then, suddenly looking up, called out with great quickness, "Who +are you?" + +"Who am I!" cried he, amazed and affrighted. + +"I should be glad you would go away," cried she, in a hurrying manner, +"for you are quite unknown to me." + +Delvile, unconscious of her insanity, and attributing to resentment +this aversion and repulse, hastily moved from her, mournfully answering, +"Well indeed may you disclaim me, refuse all forgiveness, load me with +hatred and reproach, and consign me to eternal anguish! I have merited +severer punishment still; I have behaved like a monster, and I am +abhorrent to myself!" + +Cecilia now, half rising, and regarding him with mingled terror and +anger, eagerly exclaimed, "If you do not mean to mangle and destroy me, +begone this instant." + +"To mangle you!" repeated Delvile, shuddering, "how horrible!--but I +deserve it!--look not, however, so terrified, and I will tear myself +away from you. Suffer me but to assist in removing you from this place, +and I will only watch you at a distance, and never see you more till you +permit me to approach you." + +"Why, why," cried Cecilia, with a look of perplexity and impatience, +"will you not tell me your name, and where you come from?" + +"Do you not know me?" said he, struck with new horror; "or do you only +mean to kill me by the question?" + +"Do you bring me any message from Mr Monckton?" + +"From Mr Monckton?--no; but he lives and will recover." + +"I thought you had been Mr Monckton yourself." + +"Too cruel, yet justly cruel Cecilia!--is then Delvile utterly +renounced?--the guilty, the unhappy Delvile!--is he cast off for ever? +have you driven him wholly from your heart? do you deny him even a place +in your remembrance?" + +"Is your name, then, Delvile?" + +"O what is it you mean? Is it me or my name you thus disown?" + +"'Tis a name," cried she, sitting up, "I well remember to have heard, +and once I loved it, and three times I called upon it in the dead of +night. And when I was cold and wretched, I cherished it; and when I was +abandoned and left alone, I repeated it and sung to it." + +"All-gracious powers!" cried Delvile, "her reason is utterly gone!" +And, hastily rising, he desperately added, "what is death to this +blow?--Cecilia, I am content to part with thee!" + +Mary now, and Mrs Wyers, poured upon him eagerly an account of her +illness, and insanity, her desire of removal, and their inability to +control her. + +Delvile, however, made no answer; he scarce heard them: the deepest +despair took possession of his mind, and, rooted to the spot where he +stood, he contemplated iii dreadful stillness the fallen and altered +object of his best hopes and affections; already in her faded cheeks +and weakened frame, his agonising terror read the quick impending +destruction of all his earthly happiness! the sight was too much for +his fortitude, and almost for his understanding; and when his woe became +utterable, he wrung his hands, and groaning aloud, called out, "Art thou +gone so soon! my wife! my Cecilia! have I lost thee already?" + +Cecilia, with utter insensibility to what was passing, now suddenly, and +with a rapid yet continued motion, turned her head from side to side, +her eyes wildly glaring, and yet apparently regarding nothing. + +"Dreadful! dreadful!" exclaimed Delvile, "what a sight is this!" and +turning from her to the people of the house, he angrily said, "why is +she here upon the floor? could you not even allow her a bed? Who attends +her? Who waits upon her? Why has nobody sent for help?--Don't answer +me,--I will not hear you, fly this moment for a physician,--bring two, +bring three--bring all you can find?" + +Then, still looking from Cecilia, whose sight he could no longer +support, he consulted with Mary whither she should be conveyed: and, as +the night was far advanced, and no place was prepared for her elsewhere, +they soon agreed that she could only be removed up stairs. + +Delvile now attempted to carry her in his arms; but trembling and +unsteady, he had not strength to sustain her; yet not enduring to behold +the helplessness he could not assist, he conjured them to be careful +and gentle, and, committing her to their trust, ran out himself for a +physician. + +Cecilia resisted them with her utmost power, imploring them not to bury +her alive, and averring she had received intelligence they meant to +entomb her with Mr Monckton. + +They put her, however, to bed, but her raving grew still more wild and +incessant. + +Delvile soon returned with a physician, but had not courage to attend +him to her room. He waited for him at the foot of the stairs, where, +hastily stopping him, + +"Well, sir," he cried, "is it not all over? is it not impossible she can +live?" + +"She is very ill, indeed, sir," he answered, "but I have given +directions which perhaps---" + +"_Perhaps_!" interrupted Delvile, shuddering, "do not stab me with such +a word!" + +"She is very delirious," he continued, "but as her fever is very high, +that is not so material. If the orders I have given take effect, and the +fever is got under, all the rest will be well of course." + +He then went away; leaving Delvile as much thunderstruck by answers +so alarming, as if he had consulted him in full hope, and without even +suspicion of her danger. + +The moment he recovered from this shock, he flew out of the house for +more advice. + +He returned and brought with him two physicians. They confirmed the +directions already given, but would pronounce nothing decisively of her +situation. + +Delvile, half mad with the acuteness of his misery, charged them all +with want of skill, and wrote instantly into the country for Dr Lyster. + +He went out himself in search of a messenger to ride off express, though +it was midnight, with his letter; and then, returning, he was hastening +to her room, but, while yet at the door, hearing her still raving, his +horror conquered his eagerness, and, hurrying down stairs, he spent the +remnant of the long and seemingly endless night in the shop. + + + +CHAPTER ix. + +A TRIBUTE. + +Mean while Cecilia went through very severe discipline, sometimes +strongly opposing it, at other times scarce sensible what was done to +her. + +The whole of the next day passed in much the same manner, neither did +the next night bring any visible alteration. She had now nurses and +attendants even more than sufficient, for Delvile had no relief but from +calling in more help. His terror of again seeing her encreased with his +forbearance; the interview which had already past had almost torn him +asunder, and losing all courage for attempting to enter her room, he now +spent almost all his time upon the stairs which led to it. Whenever she +was still, he seated himself at her chamber door, where, if he could +hear her breathe or move, a sudden hope of her recovery gave to him a +momentary extasy that recompensed all his sufferings. But the instant +she spoke, unable to bear the sound of so loved a voice uttering nothing +but the incoherent ravings of lightheadedness, he hastened down stairs, +and flying out of the house, walked in the neighbouring streets, till he +could again gather courage to enquire or to listen how she went on. + +The following morning, however, Dr Lyster came, and every hope revived. +He flew to embrace him, told him instantly his marriage with Cecilia, +and besought him by some superior effort of his extraordinary abilities +to save him the distraction of her loss. + +"My good friend," cried the worthy Doctor, "what is this you ask of me? +and how can this poor young lady herself want advice more than you do? +Do you think these able physicians actually upon the spot, with all +the experience of full practice in London to assist their skill, want a +petty Doctor out of the country to come and teach them what is right?" + +"I have more reliance upon you," cried Delvile, than upon the whole +faculty; come, therefore, and prescribe for her,--take some new course +"-- + +"Impossible, my good Sir, impossible! I must not lose my wits from +vanity, because you have lost yours from affliction. I could not refuse +to come to you when you wrote to me with such urgency, and I will now go +and see the young lady, as a _friend_, with all my heart. I am sorry for +you at my soul, Mr Mortimer! She is a lovely young creature, and has an +understanding, for her years and sex, unequalled." + +"Never mention her to me!" cried the impatient Delvile, "I cannot bear +it! Go up to her, dear Doctor, and if you want a consultation, send, if +you please, for every physician in town." + +Dr Lyster desired only that those who had already attended might +be summoned; and then, giving up to his entreaties the accustomed +ceremonial of waiting for them, he went to Cecilia. + +Delvile did not dare accompany him; and so well was he acquainted with +his plainness and sincerity, that though he expected his return with +eagerness, he no sooner heard him upon the stairs, than fearing to know +his opinion, he hastily snatched up his hat, and rushed vehemently out +of the house to avoid him. + +He continued to walk about the streets, till even the dread of ill +news was less horrible to him than this voluntary suspense, and then he +returned to the house. + +He found Dr Lyster in a small back parlour, which Mrs Wyers, finding she +should now be well paid, had appropriated for Delvile's use. + +Delvile, putting his hand upon the Doctor's shoulder, said, "Well, my +dear Dr Lyster, _you_, still, I hope"-- + +"I would I could make you easy!" interrupted the Doctor; "yet, if you +are rational, one comfort, at all events, I can give you; the crisis +seems approaching, and either she will recover, or before to-morrow +morning"--- + +"Don't go on, Sir!" cried Delvile, with mingled rage and horror, "I +will not have her days limited! I sent not for you to give me such an +account!" + +And again he flew out of the house, leaving Dr Lyster unaffectedly +concerned for him, and too kind-hearted and too wise to be offended at +the injustice of immoderate sorrow. + +In a few minutes, however, from the effect rather of despair than +philosophy, Delvile grew more composed, and waited upon Dr Lyster to +apologize for his behaviour. He received his hearty forgiveness, and +prevailed upon him to continue in town till the whole was decided. + +About noon, Cecilia, from the wildest rambling and most perpetual +agitation, sunk suddenly into a state of such utter insensibility, +that she appeared unconscious even of her existence; and but that she +breathed, she might already have passed for being dead. + +When Delvile heard this, he could no longer endure even his post upon +the stairs; he spent his whole time in wandering about the streets, or +stopping in Dr Lyster's parlour to enquire if all was over. + +That humane physician, not more alarmed at the danger of Cecilia, than +grieved at the situation of Delvile, thought the present fearful crisis +at least offered an opportunity of reconciling him with his father. He +waited, therefore, upon that gentleman in St James's-square, and openly +informed him of the dangerous state of Cecilia, and the misery of his +son. + +Mr Delvile, though he would gladly, to have annulled an alliance he held +disgraceful to his family, have received intelligence that Cecilia was +no more, was yet extremely disconcerted to hear of sufferings to which +his own refusal of an asylum he was conscious had largely contributed; +and after a haughty struggle between tenderness and wrath, he begged the +advice of Dr Lyster how his son might be drawn from such a scene. + +Dr Lyster, who well knew Delvile was too desperate to be tractable, +proposed surprising him into an interview by their returning together: +Mr Delvile, however apprehensive and relenting, conceded most +unwillingly to a measure he held beneath him, and, when he came to the +shop, could scarce be persuaded to enter it. Mortimer, at that time, +was taking a solitary ramble; and Dr Lyster, to complete the work he +had begun of subduing the hard pride of his father, contrived, under +pretence of waiting for him, to conduct him to the room of the invalide. + +Mr Delvile, who knew not whither he was going, at first sight of the bed +and the attendants, was hastily retreating; but the changed and livid +face of Cecilia caught his eye, and, struck with sudden consternation, +he involuntarily stopt. + +"Look at the poor young lady!" cried Dr Lyster; "can you wonder a sight +such as this should make Mr Mortimer forget every thing else?" + +She was wholly insensible, but perfectly quiet; she seemed to +distinguish nothing, and neither spoke nor moved. + +Mr Delvile regarded her with the utmost horror: the refuge he so +implacably refused her on the night when her intellects were disordered, +he would now gladly have offered at the expence of almost similar +sufferings, to have relieved himself from those rising pangs which +called him author of this scene of woe. His pride, his pomp, his ancient +name, were now sunk in his estimation; and while he considered himself +the destroyer of this unhappy young creature, he would have sacrificed +them all to have called himself her protector. Little is the boast of +insolence when it is analysed by the conscience! bitter is the agony +of self-reproach, where misery follows hardness of heart! yet, when the +first painful astonishment from her situation abated, the remorse she +excited being far stronger than the pity, he gave an angry glance at Dr +Lyster for betraying him into such a sight, and hastily left the room. + +Delvile, who was now impatiently waiting to see Dr Lyster in the little +parlour, alarmed at the sound of a new step upon the stairs, came out to +enquire who had been admitted. When he saw his father, he shrunk back; +but Mr Delvile, no longer supported by pride, and unable to recover from +the shock he had just received, caught him in his arms, and said "Oh +come home to me, my son! this is a place to destroy you!" + +"Ah, Sir," cried Delvile, "think not of me now!--you must shew me no +kindness; I am not in a state to bear it!" And, forcibly breaking from +him, he hurried out of the house. + +Mr Delvile, all the father awakened in his bosom, saw his departure +with more dread than anger; and returned himself to St James's-square, +tortured with parental fears, and stung by personal remorse, lamenting +his own inflexibility, and pursued by the pale image of Cecilia. + +She was still in this unconscious state, and apparently as free from +suffering as from enjoyment, when a new voice was suddenly heard +without, exclaiming, "Oh where is she? where is she? where is my dear +Miss Beverley?" and Henrietta Belfield ran wildly into the room. + +The advertisement in the news-papers had at once brought her to town, +and directed her to the house: the mention that the lost lady _talked +much of a person by the name of Delvile_, struck her instantly to mean +Cecilia; the description corresponded with this idea, and the account of +the dress confirmed it: Mr Arnott, equally terrified with herself, had +therefore lent her his chaise to learn the truth of this conjecture, and +she had travelled all night. + +Flying up to the bedside, "Who is this?" she cried, "this is not Miss +Beverley?" and then screaming with unrestrained horror, "Oh mercy! +mercy!" she called out, "yes, it is indeed! and nobody would know +her!--her own mother would not think her her child!" + +"You must come away, Miss Belfield," said Mary, "you must indeed,--the +doctors all say my lady must not be disturbed." + +"Who shall take me away?" cried she, angrily, "nobody Mary! not all the +doctors in the world! Oh sweet Miss Beverley! I will lie down by your +side,--I will never quit you while you live,--and I wish, I wish I could +die to save your precious life!" + +Then, leaning over her, and wringing her hands, "Oh I shall break my +heart," she cried, "to see her in this condition! Is this the so happy +Miss Beverley, that I thought every body born to give joy to? the +Miss Beverley that seemed queen of the whole world! yet so good and so +gentle, so kind to the meanest person! excusing every body's faults but +her own, and telling them how they might mend, and trying to make them +as good as herself!--Oh who would know her! who would know her! what +have they done to you, my beloved Miss Beverley? how have they altered +and disfigured you in this wicked and barbarous manner?" + +In the midst of this simple yet pathetic testimony, to the worth and +various excellencies of Cecilia, Dr Lyster came into the room. The women +all flocked around him, except Mary, to vindicate themselves from any +share in permitting this new comer's entrance and behaviour; but Mary +only told him who she was, and said, that if her lady was well enough to +know her, there was nobody she was certain she would have been so glad +to see. + +"Young lady," said the doctor, "I would advise you to walk into another +room till you are a little more composed." + +"Every body, I find, is for hurrying me away," cried the sobbing +Henrietta, whose honest heart swelled with its own affectionate +integrity; "but they might all save themselves the trouble, for go I +will not!" + +"This is very wrong," said the doctor, "and must not be suffered: do you +call it friendship to come about a sick person in this manner?" + +"Oh my Miss Beverley!" cried Henrietta, "do you hear how they all +upbraid me? how they all want to force me away from you, and to hinder +me even from looking at you! Speak for me, sweet lady! speak for me +yourself! tell them the poor Henrietta will not do you any harm; tell +them she only wishes just to sit by you, and to see you!--I will hold by +this dear hand,--I will cling to it till the last minute; and you will +not, I know you will not, give orders to have it taken away from me!" + +Dr Lyster, though his own good nature was much affected by this fond +sorrow, now half angrily represented to her the impropriety of indulging +it: but Henrietta, unused to disguise or repress her feelings, grew only +the more violent, the more she was convinced of Cecilia's danger: "Oh +look but at her," she exclaimed, "and take me from her if you can! +see how her sweet eyes are fixed! look but what a change in her +complexion!--She does not see me, she does not know me,--she does not +hear me! her hand seems quite lifeless already, her face is all fallen +away!--Oh that I had died twenty deaths before I had lived to see this +sight!--poor wretched Henrietta, thou bast now no friend left in the +world! thou mayst go and lie down in some corner, and no one will come +and say to thee a word of comfort!" + +"This must not be!" said Dr Lyster, "you must take her away." + +"You shall not!" cried she, desperately, "I will stay with her till she +has breathed her last, and I will stay with her still longer! and if she +was to speak to you this moment, she would tell you that she chose it. +She loved the poor Henrietta, and loved to have her near her; and when +she was ill, and in much distress, she never once bid me leave her room. +Is it not true, my sweet Miss Beverley? do you not know it to be true? +Oh look not so dreadfully! turn to your unhappy Henrietta; sweetest, +best of ladies! will you not speak to her once more? will you not say to +her one single word?" + +Dr Lyster now grew very angry, and telling her such violence might have +fatal consequences, frightened her into more order, and drew her away +himself. He had then the kindness to go with her into another room, +where, when her first vehemence was spent, his remonstrances and +reasoning brought her to a sense of the danger she might occasion, and +made her promise not to return to the room till she had gained strength +to behave better. + +When Dr Lyster went again to Delvile, he found him greatly alarmed +by his long stay; he communicated to him briefly what had passed, and +counselled him to avoid encreasing his own grief by the sight of +what was suffered by this unguarded and ardent girl. Delvile readily +assented, for the weight of his own woe was too heavy to bear any +addition. + +Henrietta now, kept in order by Dr Lyster, contented herself with only +sitting on the bed, without attempting to speak, and with no other +employment than alternately looking at her sick friend, and covering +her streaming eyes with her handkerchief; from time to time quitting the +room wholly, for the relief of sobbing at liberty and aloud in another. + +But, in the evening, while Delvile and Dr Lyster were taking one of +their melancholy rambles, a new scene was acted in the apartment of +the still senseless Cecilia. Albany suddenly made his entrance into it, +accompanied by three children, two girls and one boy, from the ages of +four to six, neatly dressed, clean, and healthy. + +"See here!"' cried he, as he came in, "see here what I've brought +you! raise, raise your languid head, and look this way! you think me +rigid,--an enemy to pleasure, austere, harsh, and a forbidder of joy: +look at this sight, and see the contrary! who shall bring you comfort, +joy, pleasure, like this? three innocent children, clothed and fed by +your bounty!" + +Henrietta and Mary, who both knew him well, were but little surprised at +anything he said or did, and the nurses presumed not to interfere but by +whispers. + +Cecilia, however, observed nothing that passed; and Albany, somewhat +astonished, approached nearer to the bed; "Wilt thou not speak?" he +cried. + +"She can't, Sir," said one of the women; "she has been speechless many +hours." + +The air of triumph with which he had entered the room was now changed +into disappointment and consternation. For some minutes he thoughtfully +and sorrowfully contemplated her, and then, with a deep sigh, said, "How +will the poor rue this day!" Then, turning to the children, who, awed by +this scene, were quiet from terror. "Alas!" he said, "ye helpless babes, +ye know not what you have lost: presumptuously we came; unheeded we must +return! I brought you to be seen by your benefactress, but she is going +where she will find many such." + +He then led them away; but, suddenly coming back, "I may see her, +perhaps, no more! shall I not, then, pray for her? Great and aweful is +the change she is making; what are human revolutions, how pitiful, how +insignificant, compared with it!--Come, little babies, come; with gifts +has she often blessed _you_, with wishes bless _her_! Come, let us kneel +round her bed; let us all pray for her together; lift up your innocent +hands, and for all of you I will speak." + +He then made the children obey his injunctions, and having knelt +himself, while Henrietta and Mary instantly did the same, "Sweet +flower!" he cried, "untimely cropt in years, yet in excellence mature! +early decayed in misery, yet fragrant in innocence! Gentle be thy exit, +for unsullied have been thy days; brief be thy pains, for few have been +thy offences! Look at her sweet babes, and bear her in your remembrance; +often will I visit you and revive the solemn scene. Look at her ye, +also, who are nearer to your end--Ah! will you bear it like her!" + +He paused; and the nurses and Mrs Wyers, struck by this call, and moved +by the general example, crept to the bed, and dropt on their knees, +almost involuntarily. + +"She departs," resumed Albany, "the envy of the world! while yet no +guilt had seized her soul, and no remorse had marred her peace. She was +the hand-maid of charity, and pity dwelt in her bosom! her mouth +was never open but to give comfort; her foot-steps were followed by +blessings! Oh happy in purity, be thine the song of triumph!--softly +shalt thou sink to temporary sleep,--sublimely shalt thou rise to life +that wakes for ever!" + +He then got up, took the children by their little hands, and went away. + + + +CHAPTER x. + +A TERMINATION. + +Dr Lyster and Delvile met them at the entrance into the house. Extremely +alarmed lest Cecilia had received any disturbance, they both hastened +up stairs, but Delvile proceeded only to the door. He stopt there and +listened; but all was silent; the prayers of Albany had struck an awe +into every one; and Dr Lyster soon returned to tell him there was no +alteration in his patient. + +"And he has not disturbed her?" cried Delvile. + +"No, not at all." + +"I think, then," said he, advancing, though trembling, "I will yet see +her once more." + +"No, no, Mr Mortimer," cried the doctor, "why should you give yourself +so unnecessary a shock?" + +"The shock," answered he, "is over!--tell me, however, is there any +chance I may hurt _her_?" + +"I believe not; I do not think, just now, she will perceive you." + +"Well, then,--I may grieve, perhaps, hereafter, that once more--that +one glance!"--He stopt, irresolute the doctor would again have dissuaded +him, but, after a little hesitation, he assured him he was prepared for +the worst, and forced himself into the room. + +When again, however, he beheld Cecilia,--senseless, speechless, +motionless, her features void of all expression, her cheeks without +colour, her eyes without meaning,--he shrunk from the sight, he leant +upon Dr Lyster, and almost groaned aloud. + +The doctor would have conducted him out of the apartment; but, +recovering from this first agony, he turned again to view her, and +casting up his eyes, fervently ejaculated, "Oh merciful powers! Take, +or destroy her! let her not linger thus, rather let me lose her +for ever!--O far rather would I see her dead, glad in this dreadful +condition!" + +Then, advancing to the bed side, and yet more earnestly looking at her, +"I pray not now," he cried, "for thy life! inhumanly as I have treated +thee, I am not yet so hardened as to wish thy misery lengthened no; +quick be thy restoration, or short as pure thy passage to eternity!--Oh +my Cecilia! lovely, however altered! sweet even in the arms of death and +insanity! and dearer to my tortured heart in this calamitous state, than +in all thy pride of health and beauty!"-- + +He stopt, and turned from her, yet could not tear himself away; he came +back, he again looked at her, he hung over her in anguish unutterable; +he kissed each burning hand, he folded to his bosom her feeble form, +and, recovering his speech, though almost bursting with sorrow, faintly +articulated, "Is all over? no ray of reason left? no knowledge of thy +wretched Delvile?--no, none! the hand of death is on her, and she +is utterly gone!--sweet suffering excellence! loved, lost, expiring +Cecilia!--but I will not repine! peace and kindred angels are watching +to receive thee, and if thou art parted from thyself, it were impious +to lament thou shouldst be parted from me.--Yet in thy tomb will be +deposited all that to me could render existence supportable, every +frail chance of happiness, every sustaining hope, and all alleviation of +sorrow!"-- + +Dr Lyster now again approaching, thought he perceived some change in +his patient, and peremptorily forced him away from her: then returning +himself, he found that her eyes were shut, and she was dropt asleep. + +This was an omen the most favourable he could hope. He now seated +himself by the bedside, and determined not to quit her till the expected +crisis was past. He gave the strictest orders for the whole house to be +kept quiet, and suffered no one in the room either to speak or move. + +Her sleep was long and heavy; yet, when she awoke, her sensibility +was evidently returned. She started, suddenly raised her head from the +pillow, looked round her, and called out, "where am I now?" + +"Thank Heaven!" cried Henrietta, and was rushing forward, when Dr +Lyster, by a stern and angry look, compelled her again to take her seat. + +He then spoke to her himself, enquired how she did, and found her quite +rational. + +Henrietta, who now doubted not her perfect recovery, wept as violently +for joy as she had before wept for grief; and Mary, in the same belief, +ran instantly to Delvile, eager to carry to him the first tidings that +her mistress had recovered her reason. + +Delvile, in the utmost emotion, then returned to the chamber; but +stood at some distance from the bed, waiting Dr Lyster's permission to +approach it. + +Cecilia was quiet and composed, her recollection seemed restored, +and her intellects sound: hut she was faint and weak, and contentedly +silent, to avoid the effort of speaking. + +Dr Lyster encouraged this stillness, and suffered not anyone, not even +Delvile, to advance to her. After a short time, however, she again, and +very calmly, began to talk to him. She now first knew him, and seemed +much surprised by his attendance. She could not tell, she said, what +of late had happened to her, nor could guess where she was, or by what +means she came into such a place. Dr Lyster desired her at present +not to think upon the subject, and promised her a full account of +everything, when she was stronger, and more fit for conversing. + +This for a while silenced her. But, after a short pause, "Tell me," she +said, "Dr Lyster, have I no friend in this place but you?" + +"Yes, yes, you have several friends here," answered the Doctor, "only I +keep them in order, lest they should hurry or disturb you." + +She seemed much pleased by this speech; but soon after said, "You must +not, Doctor, keep them in order much longer, for the sight of them, I +think, would much revive me." + +"Ah, Miss Beverley!" cried Henrietta, who could not now restrain +herself, "may not _I_, among the rest, come and speak to you?" + +"Who is that?" said Cecilia, in a voice of pleasure, though very feeble; +"is it my ever-dear Henrietta?" + +"Oh this is joy indeed!" cried she, fervently kissing her cheeks and +forehead, "joy that I never, never expected to have more!" + +"Come, come," cried Dr Lyster, "here's enough of this; did I not do well +to keep such people off?" + +"I believe you did," said Cecilia, faintly smiling; "my too kind +Henrietta, you must be more tranquil!" + +"I will, I will indeed, madam!--my dear, dear Miss Beverley, I will +indeed!--now once you have owned me, and once again I hear your sweet +voice, I will do any thing, and every thing, for I am made happy for my +whole life!" + +"Ah, sweet Henrietta!" cried Cecilia, giving her her hand, "you must +suppress these feelings, or our Doctor here will soon part us. But tell +me, Doctor, is there no one else that you can let me see?" + +Delvile, who had listened to this scene in the unspeakable perturbation +of that hope which is kindled from the very ashes of despair, was now +springing forward; but Dr Lyster, fearful of the consequences, hastily +arose, and with a look and air not to be disputed, took hold of his arm, +and led him out of the room. He then represented to him strongly the +danger of agitating or disturbing her, and charged him to keep from her +sight till better able to bear it; assuring him at the same time that he +might now reasonably hope her recovery. + +Delvile, lost in transport, could make no answer, but flew into his +arms, and almost madly embraced him; he then hastened out of sight to +pour forth fervent thanks, and hurrying back with equal speed, again +embraced the Doctor, and while his manly cheeks were burnt with tears of +joy, he could not yet articulate the glad tumult of his soul. + +The worthy Dr Lyster, who heartily partook of his happiness, again urged +him to be discreet; and Delvile, no longer intractable and desperate, +gratefully concurred in whatever he commanded. Dr Lyster then returned +to Cecilia, and to relieve her mind from any uneasy suspense, talked to +her openly of Delvile, gave her to understand he was acquainted with +her marriage, and told her he had prohibited their meeting till each was +better able to support it. + +Cecilia by this delay seemed half gratified, and half disappointed; +but the rest of the physicians, who had been summoned upon this happy +change, now appearing, the orders were yet more strictly enforced for +keeping her quiet. + +She submitted, therefore, peaceably; and Delvile, whose gladdened heart +still throbbed with speechless rapture, contentedly watched at her +chamber door, and obeyed implicitly whatever was said to him. + +She now visibly, and almost hourly grew better; and, in a short time, +her anxiety to know all that was passed, and by what means she became so +ill, and confined in a house of which she had not any knowledge, obliged +Dr Lyster to make himself master of these particulars, that he might +communicate them to her with a calmness that Delvile could not attain. + +Delvile himself, happy to be spared the bitter task of such a relation, +informed him all he knew of the story, and then entreated him to narrate +to her also the motives of his own strange, and he feared unpardonable +conduct, and the scenes which had followed their parting. + +He came, he said, to England, ignorant of all that had past in his +absence, intending merely to wait upon his father, and communicate his +marriage, before he gave directions to his lawyer for the settlements +and preparations which were to precede its further publication. He +meant, also, to satisfy himself, of the real situation of Mr Monckton, +and then, after an interview with Cecilia, to have returned to his +mother, and waited at Nice till he might publicly claim his wife. + +To this purpose he had written in his letter, which he meant to have put +in the Post-office in London himself; and he had but just alighted from +his chaise, when he met Ralph, Cecilia's servant, in the street. + +Hastily stopping him, he enquired if he had left his place? "No," +answered Ralph, "I am only come up to town with my lady." + +"With your lady?" cried the astonished Delvile, is your lady then in +town?" + +"Yes, sir, she is at Mrs Belfield's." + +"At Mrs Belfield's?--is her daughter returned home? + +"No, sir, we left her in the country." + +He was then going on with a further account, but, in too much confusion +of mind to hear him Delvile abruptly wished him good night, and marched +on himself towards Belfield's. + +The pleasure with which he would have heard that Cecilia was so near to +him, was totally lost in his perplexity to account for her journey. Her +letters had never hinted at such a purpose,--the news reached him +only by accident,--it was ten o'clock at night,--yet she was at +Belfield's--though the sister was away,--though the mother was +professedly odious to her!--In an instant, all he had formerly heard, +all he had formerly disregarded, rushed suddenly upon his memory, and +he began to believe he had been deluded, that his father was right, and +that Belfield had some strange and improper influence over her heart. + +The suspicion was death to him; he drove it from him, he concluded +the whole was some error: his reason as powerfully as his tenderness +vindicated her innocence; and though he arrived at the house in much +disorder, he yet arrived with a firm persuasion of an honourable +explanation. + +The door was open,--a chaise was at it in waiting,--Mrs Belfield was +listening in the passage; these appearances were strange, and encreased +his agitation. He asked for her son in a voice scarce audible,--she told +him he was engaged with a lady, and must not be disturbed. + +That fatal answer, at a moment so big with the most horrible surmises, +was decisive: furiously, therefore, he forced himself past her, and +opened the door:--but when he saw them together,--the rest of the family +confessedly excluded, his rage turned to horror, and he could hardly +support himself. + +"O Dr Lyster!" he continued, "ask of the sweet creature if these +circumstances offer any extenuation for the fatal jealousy which seized +me? never by myself while I live will it be forgiven, but she, perhaps, +who is all softness, all compassion, and all peace, may some time hence +think my sufferings almost equal to my offence." + +He then proceeded in his narration. + +When he had so peremptorily ordered her chaise to St James's-square, he +went back to the house, and desired Belfield to walk out with him. He +complied, and they were both silent till they came to a Coffee-house, +where they asked for a private room. The whole way they went, his heart, +secretly satisfied of the purity of Cecilia, smote him for the situation +in which he had left her; yet, having unfortunately gone so far as to +make his suspicions apparent, he thought it necessary to his character +that their abolition should be equally public. + +When they were alone, "Belfield," he said, "to obviate any imputation of +impertinence in my enquiries, I deny not, what I presume you have been +told by herself, that I have the nearest interest in whatever concerns +the lady from whom we are just now parted: I must beg, therefore, an +explicit account of the purpose of your private conversation with her." + +"Mr Delvile," answered Belfield, with mingled candour and spirit, "I am +not commonly much disposed to answer enquiries thus cavalierly put to +me; yet here, as I find myself not the principal person concerned, I +think I am bound in justice to speak for the absent who is. I assure +you, therefore, most solemnly, that your interest in Miss Beverley I +never heard but by common report, that our being alone together was by +both of us undesigned and undesired, that the honour she did our house +in calling at it, was merely to acquaint my mother with my sister's +removal to Mrs Harrel's, and that the part which I had myself in her +condescension, was simply to be consulted upon a journey which she has +in contemplation to the South of France. And now, sir, having given you +this peaceable satisfaction, you will find me extremely at your service +to offer any other." + +Delvile instantly held out his hand to him; "What you assert," he said, +"upon your honour, requires no other testimony. Your gallantry and +your probity are equally well known to me; with either, therefore, I am +content, and by no means require the intervention of both." + +They then parted; and now, his doubts removed, and his punctilio +satisfied, he flew to St James's-square, to entreat the forgiveness of +Cecilia for the alarm he had occasioned her, and to hear the reason of +her sudden journey, and change of measures. But when he came there, to +find that his father, whom he had concluded was at Delvile Castle, +was in the house, while Cecilia had not even enquired for him at the +door,--"Oh let me not," he continued, "even to myself, let me not trace +the agony of that moment!--where to seek her I knew not, why she was in +London I could not divine, for what purpose she had given the postilion +a new direction I could form no idea. Yet it appeared that she wished to +avoid me, and once more, in the frenzy of my disappointment, I supposed +Belfield a party in her concealment. Again, therefore, I sought him,--at +his own house,--at the coffee-house where I had left him,--in vain, +wherever I came, I just missed him, for, hearing of my search, he went +with equal restlessness, from place to place to meet me. I rejoice we +both failed; a repetition of my enquiries in my then irritable state, +must inevitably have provoked the most fatal resentment. + +"I will not dwell upon the scenes that followed,--my laborious search, +my fruitless wanderings, the distraction of my suspense, the excess of +my despair!--even Belfield, the fiery Belfield, when I met with him the +next day, was so much touched by my wretchedness, that he bore with +all my injustice; feeling, noble young man! never will I lose the +remembrance of his high-souled patience. + +"And now, Dr Lyster, go to my Cecilia; tell her this tale, and try, +for you have skill sufficient, to soften, yet not wound her with my +sufferings. If then she can bear to see me, to bless me with the sound +of her sweet voice, no longer at war with her intellects, to hold out +to me her loved hand, in token of peace and forgiveness.--Oh, Dr Lyster! +preserver of _my_ life in hers! give to me but that exquisite moment, +and every past evil will be for ever obliterated!" + +"You must be calmer, Sir," said the Doctor, "before I make the attempt. +These heroicks are mighty well for sound health, and strong nerves, but +they will not do for an invalide." + +He went, however, to Cecilia, and gave her this narration, suppressing +whatever he feared would most affect her, and judiciously enlivening the +whole by his strictures. Cecilia was much easier for this removal of her +perplexities, and, as her anguish and her terror had been unmixed with +resentment, she had now no desire but to reconcile Delvile with himself. + +Dr Lyster, however, by his friendly authority, obliged her for some +time to be content with this relation; but when she grew better, her +impatience became stronger, and he feared opposition would be as hurtful +as compliance. + +Delvile, therefore, was now admitted; yet slowly and with trepidation he +advanced, terrified for her, and fearful of himself, filled with remorse +for the injuries she had sustained, and impressed with grief and horror +to behold her so ill and altered. + +Supported by pillows, she sat almost upright. The moment she saw him, +she attempted to bend forward and welcome him, calling out in a tone of +pleasure, though faintly, "Ah! dearest Delvile! is it you?" but too +weak for the effort she had made, she sunk back upon her pillow, pale, +trembling, and disordered. + +Dr Lyster would then have interfered to postpone their further +conversation; but Delvile was no longer master of himself or his +passions: he darted forward, and kneeling at the bed side, "Sweet +injured excellence!" he cried, "wife of my heart! sole object of my +chosen affection! dost thou yet live? do I hear thy loved voice?--do I +see thee again?--art thou my Cecilia? and have I indeed not lost thee?" +then regarding her more fixedly, "Alas," he cried, "art thou indeed my +Cecilia! so pale, so emaciated!--Oh suffering angel! and couldst thou +then call upon Delvile, the guilty, but heart-broken Delvile, thy +destroyer, thy murderer, and yet not call to execrate him?" + +Cecilia, extremely affected, could not utter a word; she held out to +him her hand, she looked at him with gentleness and kindness, but tears +started into her eyes, and trickled in large drops down her colourless +cheeks. + +"Angelic creature!" cried Delvile, his own tears overflowing, while he +pressed to his lips the kind token of her pardon, "can you give to me +again a hand so ill deserved? can you look with such compassion on the +author of your woes? on the wretch, who for an instant could doubt the +purity of a mind so seraphic!" + +"Ah, Delvile!" cried she, a little reviving, "think no more of what is +past!--to see you,--to be yours,--drives all evil from my remembrance!" + +"I am not worthy this joy!" cried he, rising, kneeling, and rising +again; "I know not how to sustain it! a forgiveness such as this,--when +I believed You must hate me for ever! when repulse and aversion were +all I dared expect,--when my own inhumanity had bereft thee of thy +reason,--when the grave, the pitiless grave, was already open to receive +thee."-- + +"Too kind, too feeling Delvile!" cried the penetrated Cecilia, "relieve +your loaded heart from these bitter recollections; mine is lightened +already,--lightened, I think, of every thing but its affection for +_you_!" + +"Oh words of transport and extacy!" cried the enraptured Delvile, "oh +partner of my life! friend, solace, darling of my bosom! that so lately +I thought expiring! that I folded to my bleeding heart in the agony of +eternal separation!"-- + +"Come away, Sir, come away," cried Dr Lyster, who now saw that Cecilia +was greatly agitated, "I will not be answerable for the continuation of +this scene;" and taking him by the arm, he awakened him from his frantic +rapture, by assuring him she would faint, and forced him away from her. + +Soon after he was gone, and Cecilia became more tranquil, Henrietta, +who had wept with bitterness in a corner of the room during this scene, +approached her, and, with an attempted smile, though in a voice hardly +audible, said, "Ah, Miss Beverley, you will, at last, then be happy! +happy as all your goodness deserves. And I am sure I should rejoice in +it if I was to die to make you happier!" + +Cecilia, who but too well knew her full meaning, tenderly embraced her, +but was prevented by Dr Lyster from entering into any discourse with +her. + +The first meeting, however, with Delvile being over, the second was +far more quiet, and in a very short time, he would scarcely quit her a +moment, Cecilia herself receiving from his sight a pleasure too great +for denial, yet too serene for danger. + +The worthy Dr Lyster, finding her prospect of recovery thus fair, +prepared for leaving London: but, equally desirous to do good out of his +profession as in it, he first, at the request of Delvile, waited upon +his father, to acquaint him with his present situation, solicit his +directions for his future proceedings, and endeavour to negociate a +general reconciliation. + +Mr Delvile, to whose proud heart social joy could find no avenue, was +yet touched most sensibly by the restoration of Cecilia. Neither his +dignity nor his displeasure had been able to repress remorse, a feeling +to which, with all his foibles, he had not been accustomed. The view of +her distraction had dwelt upon his imagination, the despondency of his +son had struck him with fear and horror. He had been haunted by self +reproach, and pursued by vain regret; and those concessions he had +refused to tenderness and entreaty, he now willingly accorded to change +repentance for tranquility. He sent instantly for his son, whom even +with tears he embraced, and felt his own peace restored as he pronounced +his forgiveness. + +New, however, to kindness, he retained it not long, and a stranger to +generosity, he knew not how to make her welcome: the extinction of his +remorse abated his compassion for Cecilia, and when solicited to receive +her, he revived the charges of Mr Monckton. + +Cecilia, informed of this, determined to write to that gentleman +herself, whose long and painful illness, joined to his irrecoverable +loss of her, she now hoped might prevail with him to make reparation for +the injuries he had done her. + +_To Mr Monckton_. + +I write not, Sir, to upbraid you; the woes which have followed your ill +offices, and which you may some time hear, will render my reproaches +superfluous. I write but to beseech that what is past may content you; +and that, however, while I was single, you chose to misrepresent me to +the Delvile family, you will have so much honour, since I am now become +one of it, as to acknowledge my innocence of the crimes laid to my +charge. + +In remembrance of my former long friendship, I send you my good wishes; +and in consideration of my hopes from your recantation, I send you, Sir, +if you think it worth acceptance, my forgiveness. + +CECILIA DELVILE. + +Mr Monckton, after many long and painful struggles between useless rage, +and involuntary remorse, at length sent the following answer. + +_To Mrs Mortimer Delvile_. + +Those who could ever believe you guilty, must have been eager to think +you so. I meant but your welfare at all times, and to have saved you +from a connection I never thought equal to your merit. I am grieved, +but not surprised, to hear of your injuries; from the alliance you +have formed, nothing else could be expected: if my testimony to your +innocence can, however, serve to mitigate them, I scruple not to declare +I believe it without taint. + +* * * * * + +Delvile sent by Dr Lyster this letter to his father, whose rage at the +detection of the perfidy which had deceived him, was yet inferior to +what he felt that his family was mentioned so injuriously. + +His conference with Dr Lyster was long and painful, but decisive: that +sagacious and friendly man knew well how to work upon, his passions, +and so effectually awakened them by representing the disgrace of his own +family from the present situation of Cecilia, that before he quitted his +house he was authorised to invite her to remove to it. + +When he returned from his embassy, he found Delvile in her room, and +each waiting with impatience the event of his negociation. + +The Doctor with much alacrity gave Cecilia the invitation with which he +had been charged; but Delvile, jealous for her dignity, was angry and +dissatisfied his father brought it not himself, and exclaimed with much +mortification, "Is this all the grace accorded me?" + +"Patience, patience, Sir," answered the Doctor; "when you have thwarted +any body in their first hope and ambition, do you expect they will send +you their compliments and many thanks for the disappointment? Pray let +the good gentleman have his way in some little matters, since you have +taken such effectual care to put out of his reach the power of having it +in greater." + +"O far from starting obstacles," cried Cecilia, "let us solicit a +reconciliation with whatever concessions he may require. The misery of +DISOBEDIENCE we have but too fatally experienced; and thinking as we +think of filial ties and parental claims, how can we ever hope happiness +till forgiven and taken into favour?" + +"True, my Cecilia," answered Delvile, "and generous and condescending +as true; and if _you_ can thus sweetly comply, I will gratefully forbear +making any opposition. Too much already have you suffered from the +impetuosity of my temper, but I will try to curb it in future by the +remembrance of your injuries." + +"The whole of this unfortunate business," said Dr Lyster, "has been the +result of PRIDE and PREJUDICE. Your uncle, the Dean, began it, by his +arbitrary will, as if an ordinance of his own could arrest the course of +nature! and as if _he_ had power to keep alive, by the loan of a name, +a family in the male branch already extinct. Your father, Mr Mortimer, +continued it with the same self-partiality, preferring the wretched +gratification of tickling his ear with a favourite sound, to the solid +happiness of his son with a rich and deserving wife. Yet this, +however, remember; if to PRIDE and PREJUDICE you owe your miseries, so +wonderfully is good and evil balanced, that to PRIDE and PREJUDICE you +will also owe their termination: for all that I could say to Mr Delvile, +either of reasoning or entreaty,--and I said all I could suggest, and I +suggested all a man need wish to hear,--was totally thrown away, till +I pointed out to him his _own_ disgrace, in having a _daughter-in-law_ +immured in these mean lodgings! + +"Thus, my dear young lady, the terror which drove you to this house, and +the sufferings which have confined you in it, will prove, in the event, +the source of your future peace: for when all my best rhetorick failed +to melt Mr Delvile, I instantly brought him to terms by coupling his +name with a pawnbroker's! And he could not with more disgust hear his +son called Mr Beverley, than think of his son's wife when he hears of +the _Three Blue Balls_! Thus the same passions, taking but different +directions, _do_ mischief and _cure_ it alternately. + +"Such, my good young friends, is the MORAL of your calamities. You have +all, in my opinion, been strangely at cross purposes, and trifled, no +one knows why, with the first blessings of life. My only hope is that +now, having among you thrown away its luxuries, you will have known +enough of misery to be glad to keep its necessaries." + +This excellent man was yet prevailed upon by Delvile to stay and assist +in removing the feeble Cecilia to St James's-square. + +Henrietta, for whom Mr Arnott's equipage and servants had still remained +in town, was then, though with much difficulty, persuaded to go back to +Suffolk: but Cecilia, however fond of her society, was too sensible of +the danger and impropriety of her present situation, to receive from it +any pleasure. + +Mr Delvile's reception of Cecilia was formal and cold: yet, as she now +appeared publicly in the character of his son's wife, the best +apartment in his house had been prepared for her use, his domestics were +instructed to wait upon her with the utmost respect, and Lady Honoria +Pemberton, who was accidentally in town, offered from curiosity, what +Mr Delvile accepted from parade, to be herself in St James's-square, in +order to do honour to his daughter-in-law's first entrance. + +When Cecilia was a little recovered from the shock of the first +interview, and the fatigue of her removal, the anxious Mortimer would +instantly have had her conveyed to her own apartment; but, willing to +exert herself, and hoping to oblige Mr Delvile, she declared she was +well able to remain some time longer in the drawing-room. + +"My good friends," said Dr Lyster, "in the course of my long practice, +I have found it impossible to study the human frame, without a little +studying the human mind; and from all that I have yet been able to make +out, either by observation, reflection, or comparison, it appears to me +at this moment, that Mr Mortimer Delvile has got the best wife, and that +you, Sir, have here the most faultless daughter-in-law, that any husband +or any father in the three kingdoms belonging to his Majesty can either +have or desire." + +Cecilia smiled; Mortimer looked his delighted concurrence; Mr Delvile +forced himself to make a stiff inclination of the head; and Lady Honoria +gaily exclaimed, "Dr Lyster, when you say the _best_ and the most +_faultless_, you should always add the rest of the company excepted." + +"Upon my word," cried the Doctor, "I beg your ladyship's pardon; but +there is a certain unguarded warmth comes across a man now and then, +that drives _etiquette_ out of his head, and makes him speak truth +before he well knows where he is." + +"O terrible!" cried she, "this is sinking deeper and deeper. I had hoped +the town air would have taught you better things; but I find you have +visited at Delvile Castle till you are fit for no other place." + +"Whoever, Lady Honoria," said Mr Delvile, much offended, "is fit for +Delvile Castle, must be fit for every other place; though every other +place may by no means be fit for him." + +"O yes, Sir," cried she, giddily, "every possible place will be fit for +him, if he can once bear with that. Don't you think so, Dr Lyster?" + +"Why, when a man has the honour to see your ladyship," answered he, +good-humouredly, "he is apt to think too much of the person, to care +about the place." + +"Come, I begin to have some hopes of you," cried she, "for I see, for a +Doctor, you have really a very pretty notion of a compliment: only you +have one great fault still; you look the whole time as if you said it +for a joke." + +"Why, in fact, madam, when a man has been a plain dealer both in +word and look for upwards of fifty years, 'tis expecting too quick a +reformation to demand ductility of voice and eye from him at a blow. +However, give me but a little time and a little encouragement, and, with +such a tutress, 'twill be hard if I do not, in a very few lessons, +learn the right method of seasoning a simper, and the newest fashion of +twisting words from meaning." + +"But pray," cried she, "upon those occasions, always remember to look +serious. Nothing sets off a compliment so much as a long face. If you +are tempted to an unseasonable laugh, think of Delvile Castle; 'tis an +expedient I commonly make use of myself when I am afraid of being too +frisky: and it always succeeds, for the very recollection of it gives me +the head-ache in a moment. Upon my word, Mr Delvile, you must have the +constitution of five men, to have kept such good health, after living so +long at that horrible place. You can't imagine how you've surprised me, +for I have regularly expected to hear of your death at the end of every +summer: and, I assure you, once, I was very near buying mourning." + +"The estate which descends to a man from his own ancestors, Lady +Honoria," answered Mr Delvile, "will seldom be apt to injure his health, +if he is conscious of committing no misdemeanour which has degraded +their memory." + +"How vastly odious this new father of yours is!" said Lady Honoria, in a +whisper to Cecilia; "what could ever induce you to give up your charming +estate for the sake of coming into this fusty old family! I would really +advise you to have your marriage annulled. You have only, you know, to +take an oath that you were forcibly run away with; and as you are +an Heiress, and the Delviles are all so violent, it will easily be +credited. And then, as soon as you are at liberty, I would advise you to +marry my little Lord Derford." + +"Would you only, then," said Cecilia, "have me regain my freedom in +order to part with it?" + +"Certainly," answered Lady Honoria, "for you can do nothing at all +without being married; a single woman is a thousand times more shackled +than a wife; for she is accountable to every body; and a wife, you know, +has nothing to do but just to manage her husband." + +"And that," said Cecilia, smiling, "you consider as a trifle?" + +"Yes, if you do but marry a man you don't care for." + +"You are right, then, indeed, to recommend to me my Lord Derford!" + +"O yes, he will make the prettiest husband in the world; you may fly +about yourself as wild as a lark, and keep him the whole time as tame as +a jack-daw: and though he may complain of you to your friends, he will +never have the courage to find fault to your face. But as to Mortimer, +you will not be able to govern him as long as you live; for the moment +you have put him upon the fret, you'll fall into the dumps yourself, +hold out your hand to him, and, losing the opportunity of gaining some +material point, make up at the first soft word." + +"You think, then, the quarrel more amusing than the reconciliation?" + +"O, a thousand times! for while you are quarrelling, you may say any +thing, and demand any thing, but when you are reconciled, you ought to +behave pretty, and seem contented." + +"Those who presume to have any pretensions to your ladyship," said +Cecilia, "would be made happy indeed should they hear your principles!" + +"O, it would not signify at all," answered she, "for one's fathers, and +uncles, and those sort of people, always make connexions for one, and +not a creature thinks of our principles, till they find them out by our +conduct: and nobody can possibly do that till we are married, for they +give us no power beforehand. The men know nothing of us in the world +while we are single, but how we can dance a minuet, or play a lesson +upon the harpsichord." + +"And what else," said Mr Delvile, who advanced, and heard this last +speech, "need a young lady of rank desire to be known for? your ladyship +surely would not have her degrade herself by studying like an artist or +professor?" + +"O no, Sir, I would not have her study at all; it's mighty well for +children, but really after sixteen, and when one is come out, one +has quite fatigue enough in dressing, and going to public places, +and ordering new things, without all that torment of first and second +position, and E upon the first line, and F upon the first, space!" + +"Your ladyship must, however, pardon me for hinting," said Mr Delvile, +"that a young lady of condition, who has a proper sense of her dignity, +cannot be seen too rarely, or known too little." + +"O but I hate dignity!" cried she carelessly, "for it's the dullest +thing in the world. I always thought it was owing to that you were so +little amusing;--really I beg your pardon, Sir, I meant to say so little +talkative." + +"I can easily credit that your ladyship spoke hastily," answered he, +highly piqued, "for I believe, indeed, a person of a family such as +mine, will hardly be supposed to have come into the world for the office +of amusing it!" + +"O no, Sir," cried she, with pretended innocence, "nobody, I am sure, +ever saw you with such a thought." Then, turning to Cecilia, she added +in a whisper, "You cannot imagine, my dear Mrs Mortimer, how I detest +this old cousin of mine! Now pray tell me honestly if you don't hate him +yourself?" + +"I hope," said Cecilia, "to have no reason." + +"Lord, how you are always upon your guard! If I were half as cautious, +I should die of the vapours in a month; the only thing that keeps me +at all alive, is now and then making people angry; for the folks at our +house let me go out so seldom, and then send me with such stupid +old chaperons, that giving them a little torment is really the only +entertainment I can procure myself. O--but I had almost forgot to tell +you a most delightful thing!" + +"What is it?" + +"Why you must know I have the greatest hopes in the world that my father +will quarrel with old Mr Delvile!" + +"And is that such a delightful thing!" + +"O yes; I have lived upon the very idea this fortnight; for then, you +know, they'll both be in a passion, and I shall see which of them looks +frightfullest." + +"When Lady Honoria whispers," cried Mortimer, "I always suspect some +mischief." + +"No indeed," answered her ladyship, "I was merely congratulating Mrs +Mortimer about her marriage. Though really, upon second thoughts, I +don't know whether I should not rather condole with her, for I have long +been convinced she has a prodigious antipathy to you. I saw it the whole +time I was at Delvile Castle, where she used to change colour at the +very sound of your name; a symptom I never perceived when I talked to +her of my Lord Derford, who would certainly have made her a thousand +times a better husband." + +"If you mean on account of his title, Lady Honoria," said Mr Delvile; +"your ladyship must be strangely forgetful of the connections of your +family, not to remember that Mortimer, after the death of his uncle +and myself, must inevitably inherit one far more honourable than a +new-sprung-up family, like my Lord Ernolf's, could offer." + +"Yes, Sir; but then, you know, she would have kept her estate, which +would have been a vastly better thing than an old pedigree of new +relations. Besides, I don't find that any body cares for the noble blood +of the Delviles but themselves; and if she had kept her fortune, every +body, I fancy, would have cared for _that_." + +"Every body, then," said Mr Delvile, "must be highly mercenary and +ignoble, or the blood of an ancient and honourable house, would +be thought contaminated by the most distant hint of so degrading a +comparison." + +"Dear Sir, what should we all do with birth if it was not for wealth? +it would neither take us to Ranelagh nor the Opera; nor buy us caps nor +wigs, nor supply us with dinners nor bouquets." + +"Caps and wigs, dinners and bouquets!" interrupted Mr Delvile; "your +ladyship's estimate of wealth is really extremely minute." + +"Why, you know, Sir, as to caps and wigs, they are very serious things, +for we should look mighty droll figures to go about bare-headed; and +as to dinners, how would the Delviles have lasted all these thousand +centuries if they had disdained eating them?" + +"Whatever may be your ladyship's satisfaction," said Mr Delvile, +angrily, "in depreciating a house that has the honour of being nearly +allied with your own, you will not, I hope at least, instruct this +lady," turning to Cecilia, "to adopt a similar contempt of its antiquity +and dignity." + +"This lady," cried Mortimer, "will at least, by condescending to become +one of it, secure us from any danger that such contempt may spread +further." + +"Let me but," said Cecilia, looking gratefully at him, "be as secure +from exciting as I am from feeling contempt, and what can I have to +wish?" + +"Good and excellent young lady!" said Dr Lyster, "the first of blessings +indeed is yours in the temperance of your own mind. When you began your +career in life, you appeared to us short-sighted mortals, to possess +more than your share of the good things of this world; such a union of +riches, beauty, independence, talents, education and virtue, seemed +a monopoly to raise general envy and discontent; but mark with what +scrupulous exactness the good and bad is ever balanced! You have had +a thousand sorrows to which those who have looked up to you have been +strangers, and for which not all the advantages you possess have been +equivalent. There is evidently throughout this world, in things as +well as persons, a levelling principle, at war with pre-eminence, and +destructive of perfection." + +"Ah!" cried Mortimer, in a low voice to Cecilia, "how much higher +must we all rise, or how much lower must you fall, ere any levelling +principle will approximate us with YOU!" + +He then entreated her to spare her strength and spirits by returning to +her own apartment, and the conversation was broken up. + +"Pray permit me, Mrs Mortimer," cried Lady Honoria, in taking leave, +"to beg that the first guest you invite to Delvile Castle may be me. +You know my partiality to it already. I shall be particularly happy in +waiting upon you in tempestuous weather! We can all stroll out together, +you know, very sociably; and I sha'n't be much in your way, for if there +should happen to be a storm, you can easily lodge me under some great +tree, and while you amuse yourselves with a _tete-a-tete_, give me the +indulgence of my own reflections. I am vastly fond of thinking, and +being alone, you know,--especially in thunder and lightning!" + +She then ran away; and they all separated: Cecilia was conveyed up +stairs, and the worthy Dr Lyster, loaded with acknowledgments of every +kind, set out for the country. + +Cecilia, still weak, and much emaciated, for some time lived almost +wholly in her own room, where the grateful and solicitous attendance of +Mortimer, alleviated the pain both of her illness and confinement: but +as soon as her health permitted travelling, he hastened with her abroad. + +Here tranquility once more made its abode the heart of Cecilia; that +heart so long torn with anguish, suspense and horrour! Mrs Delvile +received her with the most rapturous fondness, and the impression of her +sorrows gradually wore away, from her kind and maternal cares, and from +the watchful affection and delighted tenderness of her son. + +The Egglestons now took entire possession of her estate, and Delvile, at +her entreaty, forbore shewing any personal resentment of their conduct, +and put into the hands of a lawyer the arrangement of the affair. + +They continued abroad some months, and the health of Mrs Delvile was +tolerably re-established. They were then summoned home by the death of +Lord Delvile, who bequeathed to his nephew Mortimer his town house, and +whatever of his estate was not annexed to his title, which necessarily +devolved to his brother. + +The sister of Mrs Delvile, a woman of high spirit and strong passions, +lived not long after him; but having, in her latter days, intimately +connected herself with Cecilia, she was so much charmed with her +character, and so much dazzled by her admiration of the extraordinary +sacrifice she had made, that, in a fit of sudden enthusiasm, she altered +her will, to leave to her, and to her sole disposal, the fortune which, +almost from his infancy, she had destined for her nephew. Cecilia, +astonished and penetrated, opposed the alteration; but even her sister, +now Lady Delvile, to whom she daily became dearer, earnestly supported +it; while Mortimer, delighted to restore to her through his own family, +any part of that power and independence of which her generous and pure +regard for himself had deprived her, was absolute in refusing that the +deed should be revoked. + +Cecilia, from this flattering transaction, received a further conviction +of the malignant falsehood of Mr Monckton, who had always represented +to her the whole of the Delvile family as equally poor in their +circumstances, and illiberal in their minds. The strong spirit of +active benevolence which had ever marked her character, was now again +displayed, though no longer, as hitherto, unbounded. She had learnt +the error of profusion, even in charity and beneficence; and she had a +motive for oeconomy, in her animated affection for Mortimer. + +She soon sent for Albany, whose surprise that she still existed, and +whose rapture at her recovered prosperity, now threatened his senses +from the tumult of his joy, with nearly the same danger they had lately +been menaced by terror. But though her donations were circumscribed by +prudence, and their objects were selected with discrimination, she +gave to herself all her former benevolent pleasure, in solacing his +afflictions, while she softened his asperity, by restoring to him his +favourite office of being her almoner and monitor. + +She next sent to her own pensioners, relieved those distresses which her +sudden absence had occasioned, and renewed and continued the salaries +she had allowed them. All who had nourished reasonable expectations from +her bounty she remembered, though she raised no new claimants but with +oeconomy and circumspection. But neither Albany nor the old pensioners +felt the satisfaction of Mortimer, who saw with new wonder the virtues +of her mind, and whose admiration of her excellencies, made his +gratitude perpetual for the happiness of his lot. + +The tender-hearted Henrietta, in returning to her new friends, gave way, +with artless openness, to the violence of untamed grief; but finding Mr +Arnott as wretched as herself, the sympathy Cecilia had foreseen soon +endeared them to each other, while the little interest taken in either +by Mrs Harrel, made them almost inseparable companions. + +Mrs Harrel, wearied by their melancholy, and sick of retirement, took +the earliest opportunity that was offered her of changing her situation; +she married very soon a man of fortune in the neighbourhood, and, +quickly forgetting all the past, thoughtlessly began the world again, +with new hopes, new connections,--new equipages and new engagements! + +Henrietta was then obliged to go again to her mother, where, though +deprived of all the indulgencies to which she was now become familiar, +she was not more hurt by the separation than Mr Arnott. So sad and so +solitary his house seemed in her absence, that he soon followed her to +town, and returned not till he carried her back its mistress. And there +the gentle gratitude of her soft and feeling heart, engaged from the +worthy Mr Arnott the tenderest affection, and, in time, healed the wound +of his early and hopeless passion. + +The injudicious, the volatile, yet noble-minded Belfield, to whose +mutable and enterprising disposition life seemed always rather beginning +than progressive, roved from employment to employment, and from public +life to retirement, soured with the world, and discontented with +himself, till vanquished, at length, by the constant friendship of +Delvile, he consented to accept his good offices in again entering the +army; and, being fortunately ordered out upon foreign service, his hopes +were revived by ambition, and his prospects were brightened by a view of +future honour. + +The wretched Monckton, dupe of his own cunning and artifices, still +lived in lingering misery, doubtful which was most acute, the pain of +his wound and confinement, or of his defeat and disappointment. Led on +by a vain belief that he had parts to conquer all difficulties, he had +indulged without restraint a passion in which interest was seconded by +inclination. Allured by such fascinating powers, he shortly suffered +nothing to stop his course; and though when he began his career he would +have started at the mention of actual dishonour, long before it was +concluded, neither treachery nor perjury were regarded by him as +stumbling blocks. + +All fear of failing was lost in vanity, all sense of probity was sunk in +interest, all scruples of conscience were left behind by the heat of the +chace. Yet the unforeseen and melancholy catastrophe of his long arts, +illustrated in his despite what his principles had obscured, that +even in worldly pursuits where fraud out-runs integrity, failure joins +dishonour to loss, and disappointment excites triumph instead of pity. + +The upright mind of Cecilia, her purity, her virtue, and the moderation +of her wishes, gave to her in the warm affection of Lady Delvile, and +the unremitting fondness of Mortimer, all the happiness human life seems +capable of receiving:--yet human it was, and as such imperfect! she knew +that, at times, the whole family must murmur at her loss of fortune, and +at times she murmured herself to be thus portionless, tho' an HEIRESS. +Rationally, however, she surveyed the world at large, and finding that +of the few who had any happiness, there were none without some misery, +she checked the rising sigh of repining mortality, and, grateful with +general felicity, bore partial evil with chearfullest resignation. + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Cecilia, Volume 3 (of 3), by +Frances (Fanny) Burney (Madame d'Arblay) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CECILIA, VOLUME 3 (OF 3) *** + +***** This file should be named 7152.txt or 7152.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/7/1/5/7152/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Charles Franks and the people at DP + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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