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diff --git a/7029-0.txt b/7029-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..654a34e --- /dev/null +++ b/7029-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8898 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Book of Etiquette, Volume 2, by Lillian Eichler Watson + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Book of Etiquette, Volume 2 + +Author: Lillian Eichler Watson + +Release Date: August 25, 2011 [EBook #7029] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BOOK OF ETIQUETTE, VOLUME 2 *** + + + + +Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + +BOOK OF ETIQUETTE + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Photo by George H. Davis, Jr. Courtesy of the _Woman's +Home Companion_. + +READY FOR TEA + +The tea table should never be cluttered with a lot of things which the +hostess does not need] + + + + +BOOK OF +ETIQUETTE + +BY + +LILLIAN EICHLER + +VOLUME II + +ILLUSTRATED + +NELSON DOUBLEDAY, INC. + +OYSTER BAY, N. Y. + +1922 + +COPYRIGHT, 1921, BY + +NELSON DOUBLEDAY, INC. + +ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, INCLUDING THAT OF TRANSLATION +INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, INCLUDING THE SCANDINAVIAN + +PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES + +AT + +THE COUNTRY LIFE PRESS, GARDEN CITY, N. Y. + + + + +CONTENTS + +PART III + +CHAPTER PAGE + +I. SERVANTS 1 + +The Servant in the Household--A Word to +the Mistress--A Word to the Servant--How +to Address Servants--The Child and the +Servant--The Invisible Barrier--When the +Servant Speaks--The Servants of a Big +House--The Butler--Correct Dress for the +Butler--The Second Man--The Chauffeur--Duties +of the Chauffeur--The Valet--The +Page--The Maid-Servants--Lady's Maid--The +Nurse-Maid--Duties of House-Maid--In +Conclusion. + +II. DINNERS 23 + +About the American Hostess--Planning the +Formal Dinner--Arranging the Table--Starting +at the Center--Some Important +Details--Table Etiquette--Table Service--Use +of the Napkin--The Spoon at the Dinner +Table--The Fork and Knife--Finger +Foods--Table Accidents--The Hostess--When +the Guests Arrive--The Successful +Hostess--The Guest--Comments on Food--Second +Helpings--The Menu--Special Entertainment--When +to Leave--Taking Leave--Inviting +a Stop-Gap--Simple Dinners--Inviting +Congenial Guests--When There are +no Servants--Hotel Dinners--Dress for +Dinner. + +III. LUNCHEONS 48 + +Purpose of the Luncheon--Informal Luncheons--About +the Table--The Formal Luncheon--The +Table for the Formal Luncheon--Hostess +and Guest--Formal and Informal +Breakfasts--Dress for Luncheons and Breakfasts. + +IV. TEAS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENTS 56 + +Evolution of the Afternoon Tea--The +Simpler Tea--The Formal Tea--The Tea-Table--Dress +at Tea Time--The Garden +Party--Receiving the Guests--On the Lawn--Dress +for Garden Parties and Lawn +Festivals--Woman's Garden Costume--The +Man at the Garden Party--House Parties--Sending +the Invitation--When the Guests +Arrive--Entertaining at the House Party--Hostess +and Guests at the House Party--"Tipping" +the Servants. + +V. WHEN THE BACHELOR ENTERTAINS 76 + +When the Bachelor is Host--Welcoming the +Guests--The Bachelor's Dinner--Tea at a +Bachelor Apartment--The Bachelor Dance--Theater +Parties--Yachting Parties. + +VI. MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS 83 + +Preparations for the Musicale--The Afternoon +Musicale--The Evening Musicale--Card +Parties at the Musicale--Duties of +Guests at Musicales--Dress at the Musicale--Arranging +Private Theatricals--The Players--The +Guests--Host and Hostess. + +VII. DANCING 91 + +Dancing as a Healthful Art--Dance-Giving +No Longer a Luxury--The Début Dance--Costume +Balls--Subscription Dances--The +Ballroom--Music at the Dance--Dance Programs--Dinner +Dances--Dressing Rooms--The +Dance--When the Lady is Asked to +Dance--"Cutting In"--Dancing Positions--When +the Guest Does Not Dance--Public +Dances--A Plea for Dancing--The Charm +of Dress in Dancing--At the Afternoon +Dance--Gentlemen at the Dance--Dress for +the Ball--Dress of the Débutante--Wraps +at the Ball--Ball Dress for Men--For the +Simple Country Dance. + +VIII. GAMES AND SPORTS 114 + +Why the World Plays--Fair Play--Indoor +Games--Chess--Bridge--Billiards and +Croquet--Outdoor Games--Lawn Tennis--Golf--Some +Important Rules about Golf--Football--Automobile +Etiquette--Automobile +Parties--Riding--Bathing--Sports--Clothes +in General. + +PART IV + +I. SPEECH 135 + +Conversation--The Charm of Correct +Speech--Courtesy in Conversation--The +Voice--Ease in Speech--Local Phrases and +Mannerisms--Importance of Vocabulary--Interrupting +the Speech of Others--Tact in +Conversation--Some Important Information--What +to Talk About. + +II. DRESS 147 + +The First Impression--Men's Dress--Women's +Dress--The Story of Dress--The +Dawn of Fashion--The Fashions of To-day--Harmony +in Dress--Importance of Color--The +Charm of Personality--Gaudiness +versus Good Taste--"Extravagance the +Greatest Vulgarity"--Inappropriateness in +Clothes--The Eccentric Dresser--Comfort in +Clothes--If One is Not Average--Tall and +Short People--The Well-Dressed Woman--Not +a Slave to Fashion--The Well-Dressed +Man--The Charm of Old Age--The Elderly +Woman--Imitation and Over-Dressing--The +Older Gentleman--A Trip to the South--For +the Gentleman. + +III. THE BUSINESS WOMAN 177 + +Woman in the Business World--Self-Confidence--The +Slattern--Following the Fashions--Gaudy +Attraction--The Business Suit--The +Business Dress and Coat--An Appeal +to Business Women. + +IV. ON THE STREET 185 + +The True Etiquette--Poise in Public--The +Charm of Courtesy--Ladies and Gentlemen--When +to Bow in Public--Walking in Public--Stopping +for a Chat--When Accidents +Happen--Accepting Courtesies from Strangers--Raising +the Hat--How to Raise the +Hat--In the Street Car--Entering the Car--In +the Taxicab--Some Social Errors. + +V. AT THE THEATER AND THE OPERA 201 + +Dress at the Theater and Opera--Entering +the Theater--Arriving Late--About Wraps--Order +of Precedence--Before the Play--When +the Curtain is Drawn--During the +Performance--The Offending Hat--Applause--During +Intermission--Leaving the +Theater. + +VI. HOTEL ETIQUETTE 210 + +At the Hotel--The Woman Guest--Receiving +Masculine Guests--Making Friends at +the Hotel--How to Register--In the Public +Dining-Room--Hotel Stationery--Regarding +the Servants--Leaving the Hotel. + +VII. TRAVEL ETIQUETTE 219 + +The Restless Urge of Travel--The Customs +of Countries--The Traveler's Wardrobe--In +the Train--In the Sleeping Car--Train +Courtesy--The Woman Traveler--The +Woman who Travels with an Escort--In the +Dining-Car--Children on the Train--In the +Taxicab--Bon Voyage Gifts--On Board the +Ship--Courtesy of the Ship--The Woman +Crossing the Ocean--A Concert at Sea--At +the Journey's End--At Hotel and Restaurant--At +Tea-Room and Roof-Garden--To +Those Who Love to Travel. + +VIII. TIPPING 237 + +An Un-American Custom--Lavish Tipping--In +Dining-Room or Dining-Car--At the +Hotel--The Taxi-Driver--On the Train--Crossing +the Ocean--Tips in Foreign Countries. + +IX. ETIQUETTE ABROAD 244 + +The American in Foreign Countries--On +English Soil--Addressing Royalty--Other +English Titles--And Still Other Titles--Addressing +Clergy Abroad--Lawyers, Statesmen +and Officials--How to Address Them--At +the Court of England--What to Wear to +Court--The King's Levees--In France--Addressing +Titled People in France--Certain +French Conventions--Dinner Etiquette--French +Wedding Etiquette--Balls--About +Calls and Cards--Correspondence--The +American in Germany--The Perfect American +Tourist. + +APPENDIX 265 + +Foreign Words in Frequent Social Usage. + + + + +LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + + +READY FOR TEA _Frontispiece_ + + PAGE + +TABLE SET FOR DINNER 32 + +THE PUNCH TABLE 112 + +THE BUFFET LUNCH 208 + + + + +PART III + + +_Repose and cheerfulness are the badge of the gentleman,--repose in +energy. The Greek battle pieces are calm; the heroes, in whatever +violent actions engaged, retain a serene aspect; as we say of Niagara, +that it falls without speed. A cheerful, intelligent face is the end of +culture, and success enough. For it indicates the purpose of nature and +wisdom attained._ + +_--Emerson._ + + + + +BOOK OF ETIQUETTE + + + + +CHAPTER I + +SERVANTS + + +THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSEHOLD + +"A mouse can look at a king, but a king won't often look at a mouse" +says the old proverb. Which is, sadly enough, the state of affairs +between servants and mistresses in many households. + +A great many people feel somehow that those who labor in the capacity of +servants are inferior. But in most cases, it is those who place servants +on a lower plane who are themselves inferior. We owe those who take a +part in the household affairs of our homes, more than the wages we pay +them. We owe them gratitude, courtesy, kindness. Many elaborate dinners +would be failures if it were not for the silent members of our +households. Many formal entertainments would be impossible without their +help. They hold a certain place of importance in the home--and it should +be recognized in the social world as a place worthy of every courtesy +and respect. + +For those who are fortunate enough to have servants to help with +domestic tasks, it is extremely important that the correct etiquette of +servants be thoroughly known and understood. And those who serve as +butlers and maids and valets must also know the little rules of good +conduct that govern their duties and responsibilities. The information +contained in the following paragraphs is meant for both the servant and +the mistress, and we hope that both will find it valuable. + + +A WORD TO THE MISTRESS + +In the home where guests are frequently entertained and where the +hostess holds many formal social functions, servants are essential. + +Every family that can afford to do so, should have one, or two, or more +servants according to social requirements and the appointments of the +house. They should be well instructed in their duties and they should be +expected to carry them out faultlessly. Untidy, noisy, ill-trained +servants reflect upon the manners and conduct of the mistress herself. + +The most common method of engaging a servant is through an agency. Here +different types of men and women can be found, and the mistress of the +household may be fortunate enough to find one suited to her +requirements. Sometimes she secures a maid or butler by the +recommendation of some other housekeeper. This method is usually more +satisfactory than any other because it puts things on a rather friendly +basis from the start. + +But whether the maid or butler be engaged by recommendation or through +an agency, it is important that it be clearly understood from the +beginning just what his or her duties will be. And the mistress should +not engage a servant unless she feels sure that he will be able to fill +the position satisfactorily, for it is both an expensive and provoking +process to change servants frequently. + +The first few days in a new home are always difficult for the servant. +The mistress should be patient and considerate and do all she can to +make the newcomer feel at ease in her new surroundings. Her directions +should be requests, not commands, and she should overlook blunders for +they may be the result of the servant's unfamiliarity with the household +and its customs. + +After the servant has been in the household three weeks or a month, the +mistress has every right to expect him to carry out his duties +correctly. But we are all human, and we all make mistakes. When a +servant blunders through carelessness a reprimand may be necessary, but +to scold in loud, angry tones is most ill-mannered. The well-bred woman +will never forget that there is as much demand for courtesy and +kindliness in her relations with her servants as in any other relation +in which she is placed. There is absolutely no reason why "please" and +"thank you" should be omitted when we speak to the people who live in +our homes and labor for our comfort and happiness. + + +A WORD TO THE SERVANT + +Among real Americans, with their democratic views, there can be no +objection to the word "servant." It is a noun, a name, to denote people +in a certain occupation; just as "brokers" and "salesmen" and +"housewives" denote certain people in other occupations. Therefore the +servants who read these sentences, and the women who have servants in +their households, should interpret the word in the spirit it is +written--that of true American courtesy and respect. + +Domestic service requires a certain character lacking in most other +professions. As a servant, you care for the things of others and it +should be done with as much attention and regard as if they were your +own. You attend to your duties day after day, persisting in work which +may sometimes become monotonous and which would be easy enough to shirk, +but which you do for the comfort and pleasure of your mistress. You find +yourself in the position of keeping other people's property attractive, +putting other people's visitors at ease and being economical with other +people's money. And we repeat again that it requires a certain high +stamp of character that is not found in most professions. + +Tidiness is very important in both men and women servants. The maid who +serves at the dinner table must wear a fresh new blouse and a crisp +apron. Soiled finger-nails or unclean hands are inexcusable. The +well-trained servant presents always an immaculate, well-groomed +appearance. + +It hardly seems necessary to mention that the servant must be +scrupulously honest. Perhaps, in their capacity in the home, they are +exposed to unusual temptations--but that is just the reason why they +should refrain from dishonesty of any kind, even the slightest lie. +Gossip about the family life of the people they are serving should also +be avoided by servants. + +The servant should remember that whether she be maid or mistress, she +can be _cultured_. The well-bred, well-trained maid is never sullen or +perverse. Nor is her manner servile or haughty. She is respectful to her +employers, but she does not cringe. She does her duties carefully, +conscientiously and thoroughly, and she carries out the commands of her +mistress without question. If, however, a maid thinks that a certain +task could be done much more quickly and satisfactorily in another way, +she may suggest it to her mistress and request her permission to do it +in that way. If she is reprimanded for a mistake, she should not become +rude or angry, but remain calm and answer quietly. It will not be long +before her mistress, if she is the right sort of mistress, recognizes +her superior qualities, her good manners and conscientious work, and +will respond by treating her in like manner. + +Undue familiarity from the maid is not to be countenanced. But many +times a certain understanding friendliness develops between a faithful +maid and a kind and courteous mistress--a friendship in which rigid +class distinctions are not sufficient to form a barrier. + +Let those of us who are servants remember that it is only in helping +others that true happiness is found, and that the world is quick to +recognize and reward true, loyal, sincere service. + + +HOW TO ADDRESS SERVANTS + +Household servants are usually addressed by their first names. It is +indeed bad form to address a servant by some abbreviated nickname, such +as Lizzy for Elizabeth or Maggie for Margaret. The full first name +should be used. A pleasant "Good morning, Margaret," starts the day +right, both for the mistress and the maid. In England the surname is +preferred but they do not have to contend with all the foreign +importations in the way of names that we have here in America. It is +certainly better to call John Soennichsen John, than to use his surname. + +A butler or chauffeur is usually addressed by his surname unless he is a +man who has served the family for many years. + +The golden rule of "Thank you" is just as golden when it applies to our +servants. It is only the extremely discourteous man or woman who will +address servants in a peremptory, rude tone. And it is especially +ill-bred and unkind to be overbearing to servants in the presence of +guests, or to scold one servant in the presence of another. + + +THE CHILD AND THE SERVANT + +Insolence to servants on the part of children is as much a reflection on +the manners of the parents, as it is upon the breeding of the children. +The child that hears the servants addressed in rude, haughty manner will +quite naturally adopt the same manner towards them. And no one, child or +adult, can be considered well-bred unless he or she is courteous and +kind to everyone, especially to those whose social position is inferior. + +In the park, recently, a little tot of six years or thereabouts had a +bag of peanuts which she offered to two little playmates and also to +their mother who was sitting near by. Seeing that she did not offer her +governess some peanuts, the woman inquired, "Why don't you offer Miss +Taylor some?" To which the youngster immediately replied, "Oh, she's +only my governess." + +This is the result of wrong principle in the home. No child is born a +snob. No child is born haughty and arrogant. It is the home environment +and the precedent of the parents that makes such vain, unkind little +children as the one mentioned above. It is actually unfair to the young +children in the home to set the wrong example by being discourteous to +the servants. They will only have to fight, later, to conquer the petty +snobbishness that stands between them and their entrance into good +society. + + +THE INVISIBLE BARRIER + +In the sixteenth century French women servants were arrested and placed +in prison for wearing clothes similar to those worn by their +"superiors." It developed that they had made the garments themselves, +copying them from the original models, sometimes sitting up all night to +finish the garment. But the court ruled that it made no difference +whether they had made them themselves or not; they had worn clothes like +their mistresses', and they must be punished! We very much wiser people +of the twentieth century smile when we read of these ridiculous edicts +of a long-ago court--but we placidly continue to condemn the shop-girl +and the working-girl if she dares to imitate Parisienne importations. + +It is very often the same in the household. We ridicule the "class +systems" of other countries, yet we deliberately build up a barrier +between ourselves and those who work for us. Perhaps there must be some +such barrier to keep the social equilibrium; but is there any reason why +it should be unkind and discourteous? + +The mistress should not, of course, confide in her servants, gossip with +them, discuss her affairs with them, enter their quarrels and take sides +with them. But she can be cheerful, polite, considerate; and invariably +she will find that this kind of treatment will bring an immediate +response--even from the most sullen servant. + + +WHEN THE SERVANT SPEAKS + +In answering the mistress or master of the household, it is customary +for the servant to say, "Yes, madam," or, "Yes, sir." Old servants, who +have been for many years in the employ of the same people, may omit the +"madam" and use the name, in this manner,--"Yes, Mrs. Brown." Such +slovenly expressions as "No'm" or "Yessir" show lack of good training +on the part of the servant, and poor judgment on the part of the +mistress. + +Brevity and civility are the two most important virtues of the speech of +the man or maid servant who answers inquiries at the door, admits guests +and takes messages. In the latter case, when a servant takes a message +for one of the members of the household, a polite "Thank you, madam" is +essential. If there is a doubt as to whether or not the hostess is at +home, the well-trained servant admits the visitor, asks her to have a +seat, and says, "I will inquire." He returns to say either that Madam is +not at home, or that she will be down directly. + +When announcing guests, the butler should ask, "What name, please?" not +in the indifferent, sing-song manner so characteristic of butlers, but +in a cordial, polite tone of voice, and with a genial smile. Having been +given the names of the visitors, he announces them in clear, distinct +tones. These announcements are made while the guests are entering the +drawing-room. A mother and two daughters are announced as: "Mrs. Smith, +the Misses Smith." If the given names of the young ladies are called, +the form of announcement is: "Mrs. Smith, Miss Smith, Miss Alice Smith," +the eldest daughter of a family being given the privilege to use the +title "Miss Smith." In announcing a gentleman and his son, the butler +says: "Mr. Blank, Mr. Francis Blank." + + +THE SERVANTS OF A BIG HOUSE + +The small household must choose servants according to convenience and +requirements. Where there are three or four grown-up daughters and the +home is a small one, one maid and one butler are sufficient. But in a +very large house with numerous rooms, where many social functions are +held and many house parties are given by the hostess a full corps of +servants is required. Each one should have certain, definite tasks to +perform every day. + +In the luxurious American home, seven servants are usually employed. +They are a butler, a chauffeur, a parlor maid, a cook, a laundress, a +nurse-maid and a chamber-maid. A lady's maid and a valet are sometimes +added. A footman, laundry-maid and scullery-maid are also added, +sometimes, to the corps of servants. But this list may be increased or +diminished according to the requirements of the individual family. For +instance, a second-man may be placed under the direction of the butler; +a gardener and his assistants may be charged with the care of the +environs; while grooms may be employed to care for the horses in the +stables. But usually these additional servants are the luxuries of the +extremely wealthy and should not be indulged in by those who cannot +afford them. + +In the home where there are several men servants and several women +servants, it is the best plan for the wife to supervise the duties and +responsibilities of the women, leaving the men to be directed by her +husband. It is important, though, for the mistress of the house not to +give counter commands to servants who are under her husband's +supervision, for this may cause a friction that is not conducive to the +best service on the part of the help. + + +THE BUTLER + +The duties of the butler confine him to the drawing-room and +dining-room. The dining-room, however, is his particular domain; he +sees that everything is in order, that the table is laid correctly, the +lighting effect satisfactory, the flowers arranged, and in short that +the room and appointments are in perfect readiness for a punctual meal. +In this work a parlor maid assists him by sweeping and dusting, and a +pantry-maid helps him by keeping everything immaculate and in readiness +in the pantry. + +The butler serves at breakfast, luncheon and dinner. Where there is a +second-man, he may assist the butler with the serving at dinner; and at +large entertainments the maid who assists in the pantry may also be +requested to serve. The butler also is in charge of the afternoon-tea +duties, in homes where this custom prevails. He brings in the tray, +arranges it for the hostess and sees that everyone is served. + +Where there are only a few servants, the butler may be expected to help +with the dishes, polish the silver and assist in the pantry. But if +there are maid servants, and a second-man to do the heavier work, then +he is expected to serve in a small measure as the valet for the master +of the house. He lays out his evening clothes, brushes and presses the +garments worn in the morning, and draws his bath. Sometimes, when his +domestic duties are very light, the butler is requested to serve as +footman to the mistress when she goes riding in the afternoon. + +An important duty of the butler is to answer the door bell whenever it +rings. He must see that the front door and the hall is in order and +well-swept, and that the drawing-room door is locked every night after +the family has retired. A great deal of the comfort and pleasure of the +family depends upon the manner in which the butler attends to his +duties. + + +CORRECT DRESS FOR THE BUTLER + +Neatness of attire is extremely important. The butler should be +clean-shaven, and he should not fail to be fresh-shaven every day. His +hair should not be closely cropped, but cut loosely, and it should be +well-brushed at all times. Well-kept nails are, of course, very +important not only for the butler but for anyone who serves at the table +or has anything to do with the food. + +As nearly as possible, the butler's costume should parallel the +following description, but each passing season finds some minor detail +slightly changed, and each new season finds a slight variation from the +costume of the season before. So the best thing to do is to find out +definitely from a reliable clothier or from the men's furnishing +department of a large department store, just what the butler's costume +of the present time consists of. + +Ordinarily, the butler wears white linen in the morning, with black or +dark gray trousers, a black waistcoast that buttons high, and a +swallow-tail coat. It is also permissible for him to wear a short +roundtail coat in the morning hours; it is similar to the gentleman's +tailless evening coat, but it is not faced with silk. A black or dark +tie and black shoes complete the outfit, which is worn until after the +midday meal. + +If guests are to be entertained at luncheon, the butler wears his +afternoon and evening livery. Otherwise he dons it only after luncheon +or about three o'clock in the afternoon. It consists of complete black +evening dress similar in cut and style to that worn by gentlemen. There +are no braidings or facings, though the material of the suit may be +every whit as excellent in quality as that worn by the master of the +house. The butler does not wear a white waistcoat, a watch chain, or +jeweled studs with his afternoon or evening livery. Nor may he wear a +_boutonnière_ or an assertive tie or patent leather shoes. And it is +extremely bad taste for him to use perfume of any kind. He wears white +linen with plain white studs in the shirt front, a standing collar, +white lawn tie and plain black shoes. His watch is slipped into his +waistcoast pocket without chain or fob. + +White gloves are no longer the custom for men servants in the private +home. + +When acting as footman to his mistress in the afternoon, the butler +wears the livery described for the second man. In cold weather he is +supplied with a long footman's coat; and he is also supplied with a top +hat and gloves, all matching in color and style those worn by the +chauffeur. + + +THE SECOND MAN + +The second man may be employed exclusively for the house, or he may be +employed solely to serve as footman, sitting next to the chauffeur when +the mistress is motoring. In the latter case he wears the regular livery +matching that worn by the chauffeur. But usually a second man is +expected to help in the house besides serving as footman. + +He assists the butler by answering the door bell whenever the other is +busy or occupied elsewhere. He washes dishes and windows and polishes +the silver. He tends to the open fireplace in winter, and to the +arranging of the flowers in the summer. The veranda, front steps and +courtyard are also in his care. And when there are guests for dinner, +or at a large entertainment, he helps serve at the table. + +The livery of the second man is the same indoors all day; he does not +change for the evening. It consists of coat and trousers of one solid +color determined by the heads of the house. It is usually a very dark +green, brown, gray or blue, and the outside edge of the trouser leg is +piped in some contrasting color. The coat is usually swallow-tail in +cut, and is ornamented with brass or silver buttons on the tails, on the +cuffs and down the front. Lately this vogue of the brass and silver +button is disappearing. + +The color worn by the second man should be the predominating color worn +by all the other liveried servants in the household. It is certainly not +good form to have the chauffeur wear one color of livery, and the +footman next to him wear livery of an entirely different color and cut. +With his livery described above, the second man wears a waistcoat of +Valencia, striped in the two colors that appear on the coat and +trousers. It is usually cut V shape, disclosing white linen in which are +fastened two plain white studs, a standing collar, and a white lawn tie. +When he serves as footman, the second man may either be requested to don +complete car livery, or he may wear a long footman's overcoat, top hat +and gloves over his house livery. + +A clean shaven face and well-brushed, close-clipped hair are pleasing +characteristics of the second man. Untidiness, ill-kept hands and nails, +and the use of jewelry or perfume should not be tolerated in the second +man, whether he serves only as footman, or in the house. When he helps +the butler at the dinner table, he should be especially immaculate in +appearance. + + +THE CHAUFFEUR + +The gallant coachman of a decade ago has given way to the chauffeur of +to-day. But we find that his livery is no less important--it is governed +by a very definite convention. + +In winter, for instance, the chauffeur wears long trousers of melton or +kersey or similar material and a double-breasted greatcoat of the same +material. The collar and cuffs may be of a contrasting color or of the +same color as the rest of the material. He wears a flat cap with a stiff +visor and a band of the same contrasting color that appears on the +collar and cuffs of the coat. Dark gloves and shoes are worn. Sometimes, +instead of long trousers, the chauffeur wears knee-trousers with leather +leggings. If desired, a double row of brass, silver or polished horn +buttons may decorate the front of the greatcoat, but this must be +determined by the prevailing custom. If the weather is extremely cold, +the chauffeur should be provided with a long coat of goat or wolf-skin, +or some other suitable protection against the cold and wind. + +During the summer months, the chauffeur usually wears gray or brown +cords, developed in the conventional style. His cap and gloves match. + + +DUTIES OF THE CHAUFFEUR + +The complete care of the car or cars devolves upon the chauffeur. He +must see that it is always spotless and shining, that it is in good +condition and will not break down during a trip, and that it is in +readiness whenever the owners want to use it. + +When the mistress goes motoring, the chauffeur stands at the door of +the car until she enters, arranges the robes and sees that she is +comfortable before taking his own place. Upon receiving her orders, he +touches the rim of his cap. It is not necessary, however, upon reaching +the destination for the chauffeur to descend and open the door for his +mistress. His place is at the wheel and that is where he remains. But if +there is a second man to assist the chauffeur, who accompanies him on +every trip as a motor footman, he should descend and stand at attention +while the mistress emerges from the car. + +The footman dresses like the chauffeur. He leaves cards when the +mistress makes her social calls, and he rings house bells for her. He is +also expected to be useful in performing personal service for the +masculine members of the household. + +Very often it happens that a tourist, instead of hiring a car and +chauffeur when he reaches a strange country, desires to take his own car +and chauffeur with him. He must be sure to arrange beforehand to have +the man admitted to the foreign country, for negligence may cause him +much delay and trouble when he reaches the border-line. He must also +arrange for the sleeping and eating facilities of his chauffeur when +they stop for a day or two in a town or village. It is not right to +expect him to eat with the servants, nor will he wish to eat at the same +table with his employer. It is wisest to give him an allowance and +permit him to eat and sleep where he pleases. + + +THE VALET + +The business of the valet is to attend to all the comforts and desires +of the master of the house. He takes no part in the general housework, +except in an emergency. + +The valet does not wear livery. Indoors, in the evening and during the +day, he wears dark gray or black trousers, white linen, a high-buttoned +black waistcoat and a plain black swallow-tailed coat or one cut with +short rounded tails. He wears a dark tie and dull leather shoes. He may +also wear an inconspicuous pin in his tie and simple cuff-links; but a +display of jewelry is not permissible. + +It may happen that a butler is ill or called away, or that there is a +shortage of servants during a large entertainment. In this case the +valet may be called upon to serve as a butler, and he then wears +complete butler's dress, with the long-tailed coat. When traveling with +his employer, the valet wears an inconspicuous morning suit of dark +gray, brown or blue tweed in the conventional style. He completes this +outfit with a black or brown derby hat and black leather shoes. + +The duties of the valet are as follows: he brushes, presses, cleans, +packs or lays out the clothes of his employer, draws the water for his +bath, and assists him to dress. He keeps his wardrobe in order and packs +and unpacks his trunks whenever he is traveling. He does all his +errands, buys his railway and steamship tickets, pays his bills, and +carries his hand-luggage when they are traveling together. Sometimes he +shaves him, orders his clothes, and writes his business letters. But +these duties are expected only of accomplished valets. He does not, +however, make the bed or sweep or dust his employer's room. + + +THE PAGE + +The page is a very convenient servant to have when there is no +second-man or when there are no men-servants at all. His duties are many +and varied. He runs errands for everyone in the house, assists the +parlor-maid, looks after the open fire places and opens the door to +callers. Sometimes he even serves as a sort of miniature footman, +sitting next to the chauffeur in complete footman livery. + +The livery for the page boy is the same during the day and evening. It +is a simple, neat coat and trousers of dark cloth piped with the +contrasting livery color of the family in which he serves. The coat fits +the body snugly, and ends at the waistline except for a slight point at +back and front. Metal buttons set as closely together as possible fasten +the coat from top to bottom. The trousers are piped or braided in the +contrasting color down the outside of the leg. White linen should show +at the wrists and above the high collar of the coat, but there should be +no tie. Black calf skin shoes complete the outfit, and when the page is +out of doors, he wears a round cap to match his suit. + +The bullet-shaped metal buttons down the front of the coat, and three of +the same buttons sewed on the outside seam of the cuffs, have earned for +the page the rather appropriate name of "Buttons." + + +THE MAID-SERVANTS + +Whether there is only one maid-servant in the house, or many, their +duties should be clearly defined and understood. It is the only way to +avoid quarreling and misunderstanding among the servants themselves. Let +each one understand from the very first day he begins work just what his +duties are. In this case as in many another an ounce of prevention is +worth a pound of cure. If there are quarrels among the servants the +mistress should not interfere nor take sides. If possible she should +remove the cause of the friction, and for a serious fault she should +discharge the one that is causing the disturbance. + +The services of the waitress are confined to the drawing-room floor. She +serves breakfast, luncheon and dinner, and afternoon tea where it is the +custom. This is assuming, however, that there is no butler in the home. +In this case she attends to all the other duties that would ordinarily +fall upon him. She answers the door-bell, polishes the silver, helps +with the washing of the dishes and sees that the table is correctly laid +for each meal. + +The parlor maid is a luxury enjoyed only by families of great wealth. +She is expected to devote her time and attention wholly to the +drawing-room and dining-room, assisting the waitress in the pantry and +keeping the library and drawing-room in order. But in the average +comfortable home of America there are usually only two maids, a +housemaid and a waitress (with perhaps the additional services of a +cook) and these two maids have the care of the dining, living and +bedrooms divided between them. + +The dress of the house-maids is very much alike. The waitress, or parlor +maid, wears a plain, light-colored dress in the morning with a rather +large apron, and a small white cap. The chambermaid's costume is very +much the same. In the afternoon the parlor maid or waitress changes to a +black serge dress in winter, or a black poplin in summer, with white +linen cuffs and collars and a small white apron.[A] (See footnote.) + + [A] The costumes for maid-servants change frequently, only in + slight details, but enough to warrant specific research at the time + the servant is outfitted. A large department store, or a store + devoted exclusively to the liveries of servants, will be able to + tell you exactly the correct costumes for maid-servants at the + present time. Or you may find the desired information in a current + housekeeping magazine. + +The maid-servants never wear jewelry or other finery while they are on +duty. One very simple brooch, or perhaps a pair of cuff links, is +permissible; but bracelets, rings and neck ornaments are in bad taste. +Elaborate dressing of the hair should also be avoided, and careless, +untidy dressing should never be countenanced. + + +LADY'S MAID + +The lady's maid does not take part in the general housework. Her duties +are solely to care for the wardrobe of her mistress, to assist her at +her toilette, to draw her bath, to lay out her clothes and keep her room +tidy. But she does not sweep or dust the room or make the bed--these are +the duties of the chamber-maid. If she is an accomplished maid she will +probably do a great deal of sewing, and perhaps she will massage her +mistress' hair and manicure her nails. But these duties are not to be +expected; the mistress who finds her maid is willing to do these things +for her, is indeed fortunate. + +A black dress in winter, and a black skirt and waist in summer, worn +with a small, dainty white apron comprises the costume of the lady's +maid. Stiff white cuffs and collar add a touch of prim neatness which is +most desirable. At the present time, the tiny white cap formerly worn by +lady's maids has been almost entirely dispensed with. + +When traveling with her mistress, the lady's maid should wear only very +simple and inconspicuous clothes. A tweed suit worn with a neat blouse, +or a tweed coat worn over a simple dress, is the best form. Anything +gaudy or elaborate worn by a lady's maid is frowned upon by polite +society. + + +THE NURSE-MAID + +The nurse-maid should be very particular about her dress. She should +always be faultlessly attired, her hair neat and well-brushed, her +entire appearance displaying a tidy cleanliness. + +In the house the nurse-maid wears a simple dress of wool or heavy +material with a white apron and white collar and cuffs. In warmer +weather she wears linen or poplin with the apron and collar and cuffs. +Outdoors, she wears a long full cloak over her house dress. + + +DUTIES OF HOUSE-MAID + +The cook, who is always dressed spotlessly in white, does nothing +outside the kitchen unless special arrangements have been made to the +contrary. She keeps the kitchen tidy and clean, cooks the meals, helps +with the dishes and perhaps attends to the furnace. + +The waitress opens and airs the living-rooms, dusts the rooms and gets +everything in readiness for breakfast. It is customary to excuse her as +soon as the principal part of the breakfast has been served, so that she +may attend to her chamber-work and be ready to come down to her +breakfast by the time the family has finished. However, before she goes +to her own breakfast, she is expected to clear the dining-room table and +take the dishes into the kitchen. + +If the waitress does not help with the chamber-work, this duty falls +entirely upon the chamber-maid. She must make the beds, sweep and dust +the bedrooms, and keep them immaculate. The mistress should inspect the +chamber-work occasionally for servants must not be permitted to feel +that carelessness in details will be overlooked. And the mistress should +also take care of her own linen-closet, unless she has a very +trustworthy and competent servant; for linens should be worn alike, and +not some worn constantly and others allowed to lie forgotten in a corner +of the closet. + + +IN CONCLUSION + +A good servant--and by "good" we mean a man or woman who goes about +duties cheerfully, is respectful and willing, who is neat, well-mannered +and well-trained--must be treated in the right manner if he or she is to +remain such. There are so many blunders the mistress can make, so many +mistakes that bring the wrong response from those who are temporarily a +part of her household. + +For instance, a haughty, arrogant manner towards a servant who is +sensitive will by no means encourage that servant to do his or her best +work. And on the other hand, a servile manner towards a good servant one +is afraid of losing, encourages that servant to take liberties and +become unduly familiar. + +It is as difficult to be a good mistress as it is to be a good servant. +Both duties require a keen understanding and appreciation of human +nature, a kindliness of spirit and a desire to be helpful. Both the +servant and the mistress have their trials and troubles, but they should +remember that it is only through mutual helpfulness and consideration, +an exacting attention to duties and responsibilities, a wise supervision +and a faithful service, that harmony and happiness can be reached in the +home. And both should bear in mind that this harmony and happiness is +something worth-while striving for, something worth-while being patient +and persistent for. + +There is an old proverb which literally translated means, "By the +servant the master is known." It is a good proverb for both the servant +and the mistress to remember. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +DINNERS + + +ABOUT THE AMERICAN HOSTESS + +The greatest pride of the American hostess is her formal dinner. And it +is to her credit that we mention that she can hold her own against the +most aristocratic families of Europe. + +There is a story told of a well-known New York society matron who gave a +formal dinner party on every occasion that warranted it, no matter how +trivial, for the reason that it gave her keen pleasure and enjoyment to +do so. At one of her dinners recently a famous world-touring lecturer +was the guest of honor--and the hostess was as happy and proud as it is +possible for a hostess to be. Especially was she proud of the delectable +menu she had ordered prepared for the occasion. + +But much to her chagrin, she noticed that her distinguished guest was +not eating the tempting hot dishes--only the vegetables, and relishes +and fruits. She did not wish to appear rude, but she could not wait +until dinner was over before asking him why he was not eating. "I am a +vegetarian," he answered, "and I never indulge in meats." + +The hostess-of-many-dinners had an inspiration. Here was an opportunity +to give a unique dinner--and nothing could be more delightful for her. A +week later, she sent out invitations to all her friends requesting +their presence at another formal dinner to be held in honor of the +visiting lecturer. This time it was a vegetarian dinner. Suffice to say +that it was a huge success. + +Such is the hospitality of our American hostesses that they will concede +to every whim and desire of their guests. They must be pleased at all +costs. The dinner is not a success unless each guest leaves a little +happier than when he came--and incidentally a little better pleased with +the person who happens to be giving the dinner. + + +PLANNING THE FORMAL DINNER + +First in importance, of course, is when shall the formal dinner be held? +Any evening of the week may be selected--although Sunday is rarely +chosen. The hour is usually between seven and eight o'clock. Invitations +should be mailed a week or ten days before the date set for the dinner. +The hostess may use her own judgment in deciding whether the invitations +should be engraved on cards, or hand-written on note paper. The former +is preferred for an elaborate dinner, the latter for a small one. + +It must be remembered in inviting guests to dinner, that it is a breach +of etiquette to invite a wife without her husband, or the opposite. A +married couple must always be invited together. If there are other +members of the family who are desired as guests at the dinner, separate +invitations must be sent to them. A dinner card is always addressed to a +husband and wife, and individually to single persons. + +For the convenience of the host, it is a point of courtesy for every +recipient of an invitation to dinner, to answer promptly. A good rule +is to decide immediately upon receiving it whether or not you will be +able to attend, and follow it with a cordial answer within the next +twenty-four hours. If you find that you must refuse, there must be a +very good reason for doing so. + +In planning the dinner party, the hostess must go over her list of +friends and carefully select six or eight who would naturally be most +congenial together. The number may even be as low as four, and while +there can be no absolute limit to the number one may invite, there must +never be more than the hostess can handle easily. If the guests are +chosen carefully, with a regard for their likes and dislikes, the dinner +is bound to be a happy one. + + +ARRANGING THE TABLE + +To set the formal dinner table correctly is an art in itself. + +The appointments of the modern dinner table are a delight. Services are +of silver and china is of the finest. Both the square or round table are +appropriate, the latter being the most popular since it is easier to +make attractive. A mat of asbestos or a thickness of canton flannel is +first spread on the table. Over this comes the snowy, linen table-cover, +falling gracefully over the sides with the four points almost touching +the floor. A place is laid for each guest. The most fashionable method +is to have a large lace or embroidered doily in the center of the table, +and smaller ones indicating the position of the guests. A centerpiece of +glass, china, silver, is usually used, over the doily or without it, and +on top of this flowers. Delicate ferns are sometimes used instead of +flowers, although roses (hot-house roses when no others are obtainable) +are always the favorite at an elaborate dinner. + + +STARTING AT THE CENTER + +When the center ornament has been adjusted, it may be used as a +mathematical base for all the rest of the table appointments. +Candlesticks, either of silver or bronze, are artistic when placed at +equal distance around the flowers. They diffuse a soft light upon the +table, and by being an incentive to the recalling of old memories, they +invoke conversation when there is danger of its lagging. + +It is one of the charms of candlelight--this power to bring up pleasant +reminiscences. Between these stately guardians of the floral centerpiece +may be placed small dishes containing preserved ginger, macaroons or +bon-bons. + +Salt-cellars and pepper-boxes are next located on the table, and the +places are laid for the guests. The proper number of forks is placed to +the left. The knives and spoons are placed at the right. They are placed +in the order in which they are to be used. Not more than three forks +should ever appear on the table at one time. If others are needed they +should be placed with their respective courses. A small square of bread, +or a roll, is in the center, covered with the folded napkin, and a +little to the left are the several glasses. + +Care must be taken in arranging the dinner table to have both sides +balanced. There is an old maxim that says, "There must be a use for +everything" and this holds especially true of the table of good taste. +It must not be littered with useless articles, no matter how artistic or +odd, for they hamper the movements of the guests and make things +unnecessarily crowded. Butter rarely appears on the table at the formal +dinner; and condiments are brought in by the servant only as they are +needed. + + +SOME IMPORTANT DETAILS + +Menu-cards are no longer used at the formal dinner, unless it is in +celebration of some auspicious occasion and honored guests are present. +In this case, the hostess has the menus printed or engraved in a +delicate script and has one placed beside the plate of each guest. A +favorite fashion is to have them printed in French. Sometime one of +these cards serves for two guests, although the hostess who takes a +pride in her dinners will provide each guest with one, as it serves as +an appropriate souvenir of the occasion. + +The lighting effect of the dining-room is important. Instead of the +candles on the table there may be an electric cluster high above the +table, or small candle-power electric lights on the walls. These latter +produce a soft effect which is most pleasing. Glaring lights of any kind +should be avoided. Candles and electric lights should never be used in +conjunction. + +There is nothing more conducive to thorough enjoyment of an evening, to +the thorough enjoyment of a menu, than when table and appointments are +perfect and artistically simple. The hostess should give as much time +and thought to the preparation and arrangement of the table, as she does +to the planning of the menu. She will find that her guests will +appreciate novel lighting effects, surprising color tones, unusual +serving innovations. And she will find that a correctly laid table will +add surprisingly to the entire success of her dinner party. + + +TABLE ETIQUETTE + +The importance of correct table etiquette cannot be over-emphasized. +Nothing is more vulgar, than clumsy, awkward movements at the table, and +it is certainly a sign of ill-breeding deliberately to fail to act in +accordance with the rules of table etiquette. The rules of dinner +etiquette should be studied carefully and just as carefully followed, if +one wishes to be--and everyone does--a lady or a gentleman. + +Perhaps the most important thing is one's bearing at table. Very often +you see a seemingly cultured gentleman in a hotel dining-room or +restaurant playing with the table silver or absent-mindedly clinking +glasses together. This may be overlooked in the restaurant, but at a +formal dinner it is essentially bad form. When the hands are not being +used, they should rest quietly in the lap--never should the elbows be +rested on the table. The chair should be neither too near nor too far +from the table; both are ungraceful and awkward. + + +TABLE SERVICE + +The dinner napkin is from twenty to twenty-four inches across. It is +folded square unless the table is somewhat crowded, when it may be +folded diagonally (after having been folded square) so as to give more +space around the board. If the napkins are monogrammed the monogram +should be placed so as to be in plain view. + +At a formal dinner the first course is on the table when the guests +enter the dining-room. It consists of oysters, a canape, a fruit +cocktail, grapefruit or something else of the same kind. Oysters on the +half-shell are served bedded in crushed ice in a soup plate. This is +placed on the service plate. A cocktail is served in a cocktail glass +which is placed on a doily-covered plate which in turn is placed on the +service plate. The silver for the first course may be on the table +beside the soup spoon or it may be served with the course. + +The waiter removes the first course entirely before the soup is placed. +He stands at the left of each guest and removes the plates with his left +hand. The soup in soup plates (not in a tureen) is placed on the service +plates and when this course is over service plates as well as soup +plates are removed and the entrée is served. If the plates for it are +empty they are placed with the right hand but if the entrée is already +on them they are placed with the left. If empty plates are supplied the +waiter passes the entrée on a platter held on a folded napkin on his +left hand, using his right hand to help balance it. Each guest serves +himself. + +At the conclusion of this course the plates are removed and empty warm +plates placed for the meat course. The meat should be carved before it +is brought to the table and after the waiter has served each person he +serves the vegetables. If there is only one waiter it is more convenient +to have the vegetables placed on the table in large vegetable dishes +from which each guest serves himself. After the vegetables have gone +around once they are removed but they may be passed once or twice again +before the conclusion of the meal. + +The salad follows. It may be served on each plate (and this is surely +the more artistic way) or it may be served from a platter. After the +salad the table is cleared of all plates that have been in use, of salt +and pepper shakers or cellars and is crumbed before the dessert is +brought in. + +Usually the dessert which is nearly always ice-cream or something else +frozen is served in individual dishes. Small cakes are passed with it. +Other desserts besides ice-cream are served in much the same way. + +When the dessert has been removed, finger-bowls half filled with water +and placed on a small doily-covered plate are set before each person. + +Coffee may be served at the table but it is more often served in the +drawing-room. + + +USE OF THE NAPKIN + +What can be more unsightly than a napkin tucked carefully in the top of +one's waistcoat? And still, how often one sees it done among men who +believe that they are impressively well-bred! The proper way to use a +napkin, whether it is at a formal dinner, or in a restaurant, is to +unfold it only half, leaving the center fold as it is, and lay it across +the knees. It may be used constantly during the meal, whenever the guest +finds need for it, but it must never be completely unfolded. + +When rising from the table, the napkin is placed _as it is_ on the +table. It is never folded again into its original form, as that would be +an assumption on the part of the guest that the hostess would use it +again before laundering. A reprehensible habit is to drop the napkin +carelessly into the finger-bowl, or over the coffee cup. It should be +laid _on_ the table, at the right of the finger-bowl. + + +THE SPOON AT THE DINNER TABLE + +Spoons are used when eating grapefruit and other fruits served with +cream. Jellies, puddings, custards, porridges, preserves and boiled +eggs are always eaten with spoons. Also, of course, soup, bouillon, +coffee and tea. In the case of the three latter beverages, however, the +spoon is used only to stir them once or twice and to taste them to see +that they are of the desired temperature. It is never allowed to stand +in the cup while the beverage is being drunk. Nor is it permissible to +draw up a spoonful of soup or coffee and blow upon it; one must wait +until it is sufficiently cooled of itself. In taking soup, the correct +way to use the spoon is to dip it with an outward motion instead of +drawing it towards one. The soup is then imbibed from the side, not the +end. + + +THE FORK AND KNIFE + +In using the fork and knife, one can display a pleasing grace, or just +the opposite--awkward clumsiness. It depends entirely upon how well one +knows and follows the correct rules. The first rule to be remembered is +that a knife is never used for any other purpose than cutting food. It +is unforgiveable to use a knife to convey food to the mouth--unforgiveable +and vulgar. The knife is held in the right hand and the fork in the +left. When the desired morsel of food is cut, the knife is laid aside +temporarily and the fork is shifted to the right hand. + +The knife and fork should never be held in the same hand together, and +when not being used, one or both of the utensils should rest on the +plate. They should never be allowed to rest against the edge of the +plate with the handles on the table; when one is through with both the +knife and fork, they should be placed entirely on the plate, their tips +touching at the center, their handles resting against the edge. They +are never placed back again on the table. + +The foods eaten with the fork are meats, vegetables, fish, salads, +oysters and clams, lobster, ices, frozen puddings and melons. Hearts of +lettuce and lettuce leaves are folded up with the fork and conveyed +uncut to the mouth. If the leaves are too large to be folded +conveniently, they may be cut with the blunt edge of the fork--never +with a knife. + + +FINGER FOODS + +Various foods are eaten with the fingers instead of fork or spoon. +Bread, for instance, is never cut but always broken into small pieces +and lifted to the mouth with the fingers. Butter is seldom provided at +the formal dinner, but if it is, each little piece of bread is buttered +individually just before it is eaten. Crackers and cake are eaten in the +same way; although some cakes and pastries are eaten with the fork. +Those that can be eaten daintily with the fingers such as macaroons, +lady-fingers, cookies, etc., should be eaten so while layer cake and +elaborate pastries should be eaten with the fork. + +Corn on the cob is without a doubt one of the most difficult foods to +eat gracefully. And yet it is too delicious to forego the pleasure of +eating it at all. It is entirely permissible to use the fingers in +eating corn, holding it lightly at each end; sometimes a napkin is used +in holding it. Many a foresighted hostess, when serving corn on the cob, +provides each guest with a short, keen, steel-bladed knife with which +the kernels may be cut from the cob easily. This is by far the most +satisfactory method. + +[Illustration: Photo by Bradley and Merrill. Courtesy of the _Pictorial +Review_. + +TABLE SET FOR DINNER + +The decoration in the center of the table should never be so high as to +form an obstruction] + +French artichokes are also difficult to eat. The proper way is to break +them apart, leaf by leaf, dip the tips in the sauce and lift them to the +mouth with the fingers. The heart is cut and eaten with a fork. + +Lobster claws may be pulled apart with the fingers. Shrimps also, when +served whole in their shells, may be separated, peeled and eaten with +the fingers. Fruits such as oranges, apples, grapes, peaches and plums +are all eaten with the fingers. Celery, radishes and olives are +similarly eaten. Sometimes there are other relishes on the dinner table, +and the guest must use his common sense to determine whether they are +eaten with the fork or fingers. Bonbons, of course, are always eaten +with the fingers. + +Whenever fruits are served the finger-bowl should follow. It is always +used at the completion of the dinner. The bowl is half filled with tepid +water and set upon a plate. A fragrant leaf may be added to the water. +The fingers are dipped lightly into the bowl, one hand at a time, and +then dried on the napkin. It is a mark of ill-breeding to splash the +water about, to put both hands into the bowl at once, or to wet the +entire palm of the hand. Only the finger tips should touch the water. + + +TABLE ACCIDENTS + +"Accidents will happen"--at the dinner table as well as anywhere else. +The duty of the guest and the hostess both is to see that no confusion +and embarrassment follows. + +If a spoon or fork or napkin is dropped, the proper thing to do is to +allow the servant to pick it up; the well-trained servant will not +return it, but place it aside and give the guest another one. If a glass +or cup is dropped and broken, embarrassed apologies will not put it +together again, but a word of sincere regret to the hostess will relieve +the awkwardness of the moment, and will be as gratifying to her as +profuse apologies. If the article broken is a valuable one, the guest +may replace it by sending, a day or two later, another one as nearly +like it as possible. A cordial note of regret may accompany it. + +Sometimes a cup of coffee or a glass of water is overturned at the +table. This is, of course, a very serious and unpleasant accident, but +there is no necessity in making matters worse by fussing about it and +offering several exaggerated apologies. A simple word or two to the +hostess will suffice; but it is really quite important that one should +be careful not to let an accident of this kind happen too often, +otherwise one will soon acquire the reputation of being a clumsy boor. + +There is certainly no reason to feel embarrassed when an accident occurs +at the dinner table--that is, of course, if it was not due to +carelessness. It is not the accident itself that will cause the guests +and the hostess to consider one ill-bred, but continued mention of it +and many flustered apologies. "I am sorry" or "How careless of me!" are +sufficient offers of regret--the matter should then be forgotten. + + +THE HOSTESS + +Important indeed are the duties of the hostess, for it is upon her that +the ultimate success of the dinner depends. It is not enough to send out +the invitations, plan a delectable menu and supervise the laying of the +table. She must afford pleasant diversion and entertainment for her +guests from the minute they enter her home until they are ready to +leave. The ideal hostess is the one who can make her guests, one and +all, feel better satisfied with themselves and the world in general when +they leave her home than they did when they arrived. + + +WHEN THE GUESTS ARRIVE + +The duty of receiving and welcoming the guests rests with the host and +hostess. They receive in the drawing-room until fifteen or twenty +minutes after the time mentioned in the invitations. Then, even if there +is still a guest or two missing, it is customary for dinner to be +served. Only on one occasion does this rule vary; if the dinner is being +held in honor of some celebrated guest, it may not be served until he +has arrived. + +The hostess, in inviting her guests, should be sure that there is an +equal number of men and women. Husbands and wives should never be sent +into the dining-room together. The usual order of precedence is as +follows: The host leads with the lady who is to sit at his right; if the +dinner is in honor of a married couple, the host goes in to dinner with +the wife of the honored guest; the hostess ending the "procession" with +that lady's husband. When there are no guests of honor the host takes +the eldest lady present. Usually a lady visiting the house for the first +time is the first to enter the dining-room. If there is one more woman +than men in the party, the customary thing is for the hostess to enter +the dining-room alone after all her guests have entered it. She must +never take the other arm of the last gentleman. + +The seating should be arranged by placing cards bearing the names of +each guest next to each plate if the party is a large one. This method +may be pursued if the party is small, though, in this case it is quite +possible for the hostess to indicate gracefully the place where she +wishes each guest to sit. The guests who enter the dining-room together +sit side by side; the hostess always waits until everyone is seated, +before she takes her place and motions that the dinner is to proceed. + +When a guest arrives late, the hostess must endeavor to make him feel at +ease and unembarrassed. If the guest is a woman, she rises, greets her +cordially and conducts her to her place without mentioning her lateness. +If it is a man, she merely bows and smiles without rising and +immediately starts a lively discussion or interesting conversation to +draw attention away from the late arrival. In this manner he is put at +ease, and the incident is promptly forgotten. + + +THE SUCCESSFUL HOSTESS + +The hostess must see that all her guests are comfortable and well taken +care of. She must stimulate conversation and help things along by +herself relating amusing little anecdotes or experiences. She must not +introduce any topic, however, that would in the least detail suggest +scandal or gossip. + +Nothing is more delightful, at the dinner table, whether formal or +informal, than the interesting little chats between old friends and new +acquaintances. Special musical programs always please dinner guests, and +when held after dinner are usually appreciated. In selecting musical +numbers the hostess should bear in mind the personal likes and dislikes +of her guests. Music during the meal if it is soft enough not to +interfere with conversation is pleasing, though it is not essential. The +musicians should be hidden behind palms. + +Happy is she, who, at the conclusion of the formal dinner, can say to +herself that everything was as it should be; that each of the guests had +an enjoyable time; that the entire dinner had been a success. And she +may claim the success of the evening as her own, for it is upon the +hostess that each phase of successful dinner-giving devolves, even when +most of the actual entertaining is done by one or more of the guests. + + +THE GUEST + +When Gung-Yee-Far-Choy (the Chinese two-week New Year) comes, our yellow +cousins make their formal visits. It is a time of extreme convention, +and despite the seeming revelry and celebration, the strictest rules are +observed. The calls are made according to the callers' rank. One pays +visits to those superior, receiving in turn those inferior. It is +perplexing to know just how they decide which is superior and which +inferior in each case. Perhaps it is their Oriental instinct. + +But the American guest does not have to determine whether he is superior +to his host and hostess--or the opposite. It is already decided for him, +by the laws of etiquette. For the guest at the formal dinner must accord +every respect and honor to his host and hostess--not in the servile +manner of the coolie towards the mandarin, of course--but in the +captivating and charming manner that bespeaks the fine lady and +gentleman. + + +COMMENTS ON FOOD + +Men and women of cultivation rarely make comments on food except to +praise. It is better to accept a little of each course on one's place +and eat a bit of it although one does not particularly care for it, than +to refuse it entirely. A highly amusing story is related of a guest who +was invited to a formal dinner given by a prominent New York woman who +had gained a reputation for the savory qualities of the soups she +served. On this occasion she was especially proud of her Grun Yung Waa +(Bird's-Nest Soup)--and really, from all reports, it must have been +remarkably delicious. But the guest we are writing about, sniffed at the +soup disdainfully and asked, "Is this some of that new canned soup they +are advertising?" The hostess blushed--as any conscientious hostess +would--and the next time she issued invitations for dinner, she somehow +forgot to include the guest who read the advertisements so diligently. + + +SECOND HELPINGS + +A guest at a formal dinner should never ask for a second helping of any +dish. This holds equally true for an elaborate luncheon. However, the +host or hostess may offer to provide a second helping to any one of the +guests who has disposed of his first helping. In this case, the guest +may acknowledge it with a smile, or if his appetite is entirely +satisfied, he may refuse it with a polite word of thanks. + +To insist, on the part of the host, after the guest has refused a second +helping, is overdoing the bounds of hospitality, and perilously borders +on the verge of incivility. + + +THE MENU + +The hostess must be careful not to apologize profusely for things which +are not as she would like to have them; it is better form completely to +ignore the fact that the salad is not crisp enough or that the entrée is +too highly seasoned. The entire time spent at table should be no more +than an hour and a half. An hour is usually sufficient if the courses +are served with expedition. But there must be no semblance of haste. + +Good cook books are full of suggestions for delectable menus and for the +order of service. The butler or maid takes complete charge and it is +better to have a less elaborate dinner than to have so many courses that +he or she cannot manage without haste, noise, or confusion. The order of +service depends upon the number of courses. The cook book will help +here, also. Generally speaking, oysters on the half shell buried in ice, +a cocktail, or a fruit cup constitutes the first course. This is +followed by soup, game or fish, a salad, the roast and vegetables, +dessert and coffee. + +In presenting the first course the lady at the right of the host is +served first. After that the order is varied so that the same person +will not be served last every time. The butler serves dishes from the +left and removes them from the right. No plates for any course are +removed until everyone has finished. It is not necessary to wait until +everyone is served to begin eating but it is most vulgar to show undue +haste. + +It is the duty of the butler to keep the glasses filled with water and +to see that nuts, bonbons, etc., are passed frequently. + +When fruit is served, the butler places a glass dessert-plate on which +is an embroidered doily and finger-bowl, before each guest, and next to +it a small fruit knife. Then the fruits are offered to each guest; and +when the hostess is quite sure that everyone has finished, she makes the +sign for retiring. The usual manner of doing this, is to catch the eye +of the lady who is the partner of her husband for the evening, nod and +smile to her, and they both rise together, followed immediately by the +other women guests. They adjourn to the drawing-room, where coffee is +served and light conversation ensues until the men join them. The +latter, in the meanwhile, remain in the dining-room to smoke their +cigars and drink their coffee. Usually they will leave their original +seats and move up to the end of the table, gathering around the host, +whose duty it now is to entertain them and to keep pleasant conversation +going. Fifteen minutes is an ample time for the gentlemen to smoke and +chat by themselves. Then they are expected to join the ladies in the +drawing-room. + + +SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT + +Some hostesses like to provide special entertainment for their +guests--professional dancers, elocutionists, or singers. But here +"circumstances must alter cases." As a matter of fact, not very much +entertainment is really required, for if the guests are congenial, they +will no doubt enjoy conversation among themselves. It is, of course, not +necessary to limit one's conversation to the lady or gentleman with whom +one's lot has been cast for the evening. However, special attention +should be paid to that person. + + +WHEN TO LEAVE + +It is only an extremely rude and discourteous guest who will leave +immediately upon the conclusion of the dinner. The correct thing to do, +when invited to a dinner that begins at eight o'clock is to order one's +car to appear at the door at ten-thirty. In most cases, however, when +the guests are brilliant and pleasant, and when conversation holds one +in spite of the desire to leave, it is customary to remain until eleven +o'clock when the party will, no doubt, break up entirely. + +In these days of gay festivities and continual hospitalities, it is not +unusual for a popular guest to be invited to two receptions in one +evening. Even this urgent responsibility, however, does not warrant the +guest's hurrying away while the dinner is still serving--though it may +be the last stages. The courteous way is to wait until all the guests +have adjourned to the drawing-room, remain fifteen or twenty minutes +conversing with one's partner or other guests, and then with a fitting +apology and brief explanation, order one's car. If this is followed, the +hostess cannot feel any dissatisfaction or resentment; but the guest who +insists on rushing away, shows ill-breeding and inconsideration. + + +TAKING LEAVE + +The lady, whether she be wife, sister or fiancée, is the first to +express a desire to depart. When she does, she and the gentleman will +seek out the host and hostess, thank them cordially for their +hospitality, and take their leave. Here are some accepted forms that +may be used with variations according to the guest's own personality: + + "Good-night, Mrs. Carr. I must thank you for a perfectly delightful + evening." + +To which the hostess will no doubt answer something to this effect: + + "We were glad to have you, I'm sure, Mrs. Roberts." + +Here is another manner in which to extend one's thanks, and how to +accept them: + + "Sorry we must start so soon, Mrs. Carr. Thank you so much for your + kindness." + + "Good-night, Mrs. Roberts. I hope to see you soon again." + +It is also very important to bid one's partner for the evening a cordial +good-night. In fact, it is a flagrant breach to leave without having +thanked one's partner--and a gentleman will never do it. A word or two +is all that is necessary. + +The hostess, in taking leave of her guests, will gratefully acknowledge +their thanks and say a word or two expressing her pleasure at their +presence. It is not civil or courteous on the part of either host or +hostess to attempt to prolong the presence of any guest after he has +made it known that he wishes to depart. + + +INVITING A STOP-GAP + +If the hostess finds, almost at the last moment, that one of her guests +is unavoidably detained and will not be able to attend the dinner, she +may call upon a friend to take the vacant place. The friend thus invited +should not feel that he or she is playing "second-fiddle" and the fact +that she was not invited at first should not tempt her to refuse the +invitation which would be a serious discourtesy, indeed. Quite on the +contrary, she should accept cordially, and then do her utmost to make +her (or his, as the case may be) presence at the dinner amiable and +pleasant. + +The invitation is usually in the form of a hand-written note, explaining +the reason for its last-minute arrival, and frankly requesting the +presence of the lady or gentleman in the place of the one who cannot +appear. The answer should be brief but sincere; there must be no hint in +it that the recipient is not altogether pleased with the invitation and +with the idea of dining in someone's else place. To refuse an invitation +to serve as a stop-gap, without an acceptable reason for doing so is an +inexcusable violation of the rules of good breeding. + +Of course, it is not always agreeable to the hostess to call on one of +her friends to attend her dinner in the place of someone else; but it is +certainly a better plan than to leave the guest out entirely, and have +one more lady than gentleman, or _vice versa_. If the note is cordial +and frankly sincere, a good friend will not feel any unreasonable +resentment, but will, in fact, be pleased to serve. + + +SIMPLE DINNERS + +The simple dinner, perfectly achieved, is as admirable a feat as the +elaborate dinner, perfectly achieved. The hostess who has attained the +art of giving perfect dinners, though they are small, may well be proud +of her attainment. + +If the cook knows how to cook; if the maid is well-trained, and +correctly attired in white cap and apron and black dress; if the table +is laid according to the rules of dinner etiquette; if the welcome is +cordial and the company congenial--the simple dinner may rank with the +most extravagant and elaborate formal dinner. The cover may contain +fewer pieces and the menu may contain fewer courses, the setting may be +less fashionable, though not less harmonious, and still the dinner may +be extremely tempting and enjoyable. + + +INVITING CONGENIAL GUESTS + +Perhaps it is more important to select the guests wisely at a small +informal dinner than it is at a formal one. As there are usually only +four or six guests, they will undoubtedly become well acquainted by the +time the dinner is over, and in order to have agreeable conversation it +is necessary that they be congenial. + +In a week or two, one generally forgets just what food was eaten at a +certain dinner--but if the guests were all amiable and pleasing, the +memory of conversation with them will linger and be constantly +associated with the hostess and her home. Many a hostess would be +happier (and her guests, too) if less time were paid to the planning of +a menu, and more time spent in choosing guests who will be happy +together. + + +WHEN THERE ARE NO SERVANTS + +There is no reason why lack of servants should prevent one from +entertaining friends and extending one's hospitality. The ideal hostess +is not the one who tries to outdo her neighbor--who attempts, even +though it is beyond her means, to give elaborate dinners that vie +favorably with those given by her neighbors. The simplest dinner has +possibilities of being a huge success, if it is given in the spirit of +true cordiality. + +For instance, a dinner which the writer attended recently was given by a +young woman who did not have any servants. There were six guests who all +had mutual interests and with very little help from the hostess they +were not long in finding them. + +The table was laid for eight. A silver bowl containing delicate ferns +graced the center. The lights were shaded to a soft radiance. The entire +dining-room had an atmosphere of quiet and restfulness about it. Each +guest found, upon taking his place for dinner, a tall fruit glass at his +cover, containing crushed grapefruit and cherries. When this first +course was finished, the hostess placed the glasses on a serving table +and wheeled it into the kitchen. The kitchen adjoined the dining-room, +which of course facilitated matters considerably. And yet it was +sufficiently separated to exclude all unpleasant signs of cooking. + +There was no confusion, no haste, no awkward pauses. Somehow, the guests +seemed to forget that maids or butlers were necessary at all. The quiet, +calm poise of the hostess dominated the entire party and everyone felt +contented and at ease. + +There was a complete absence of restraint of any kind; conversation +flowed smoothly and naturally, and in the enjoyment of one another's +company, the guests were as happy and satisfied as they would probably +have been at an elaborate formal dinner. + +A table service wagon is most useful for the woman who is her own maid. +It stands at the right of the hostess and may be wheeled in and out as +she finds it necessary, though for the informal dinner it should not be +essential to move it once it is in place. In the drawer should be found +one or two extra napkins and extra silver for each course in case of +accident or emergency. The coffee service may be placed on top of the +table with the dishes for the several courses arranged on the shelves of +the table from top to bottom in the order in which they are to be used. +The table should not be too heavily loaded. It is much more useful when +things are "easy to get at." + +If your home is small and inconvenient, if you become easily flustered, +if you don't find intense pleasure in making others happy, then don't +invite friends to dinner--and discomfort. But if you are the jolly, +calm, happy sort of a hostess, who can attend to duties quickly and yet +without confusion, if you have a cozy little home and taste enough to +make it attractive--then give dinners by all means,--and your guests +will not object to their simplicity. + + +HOTEL DINNERS + +With the servant problem growing more complex every year, more and more +hostesses are turning to hotels to provide their special dinners. These +cannot rival a successful dinner at home but often they are much easier +to arrange and even the most conservative of hostesses may entertain +dinner guests at a hotel. Private dining-rooms are a luxury but much +more charming than the public room. The latter is, of course, the one +used by the large majority of people. + +Most hotels provide comfortable lobbies or lounges in which guests may +wait for each other. But if the hotel is a big one and crowded it is +pleasanter to meet elsewhere and arrive together. + +The etiquette of the hotel dining-room is that of the home dining-room. +Nothing should ever be done to draw attention to the group of people who +are dining there. Quiet behavior is more than ever valuable. + + +DRESS FOR DINNER + +For an informal dinner a woman may wear a semi-evening dress of the sort +suitable for afternoon while her partner wears the regular dinner +jacket. For a formal affair formal _décolleté_ dress with the hair +arranged somewhat more elaborately than usual is required. Jewels may be +worn. Gloves are always removed, never at a dinner should they be tucked +in at the wrists. Men, of course, wear full evening dress to a formal +dinner. + +In hotels and other public dining-rooms there is more freedom of choice +as to what one shall wear but it is in bad taste to attire oneself +conspicuously. A woman dining alone should always wear her hat into the +dining-room even if she is a guest of the hotel. + +It is amazing how much the little niceties of life have to do with +making a dinner pleasant, and in every home the family should "dress for +dinner" even though this may not mean donning regulation evening dress. +Formal or informal, in the intimacy of the family circle or in a large +group of friends the meal should be unhurried and calm. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +LUNCHEONS + + +PURPOSE OF THE LUNCHEON + +In England, and especially in London, the luncheon is held in quite as +high esteem as our most formal dinners. For it is at the luncheon, in +England, that distinguished men and women meet to discuss the important +topics of the moment and exchange opinions. It is indeed easy to +understand why this would be a delightful meal, for there is none of the +restraint and formality of the late dinner. + +But in America, perhaps because most all of our gentlemen are at +business "down-town" during the day, perhaps because we disdain to ape +England's customs, the luncheon has not yet reached the point where it +rivals the formal dinner. And yet it holds rather an important place all +its own. + +The "place" is distinctly feminine. The ladies of America have taken the +luncheon in hand and developed it into a splendid midday entertainment +and means of hospitality. The gentlemen are of course welcome; but they +are rarely present. It is usually among themselves that the ladies +celebrate the ceremony of the luncheon--both formal and informal--and +that it has survived, and is tending to become permanently popular, is +sufficient proof of its success. It is often preceded or followed by +cards or other simple entertainment. + + +INFORMAL LUNCHEONS + +Invitations may be sent only a few days before the day set for the +luncheon, and are usually written in the first person instead of the +third which is the convention for more elaborate functions. The hour of +luncheon is stated, but need not be as rigidly followed as the dinner +hour. If guests are reasonably late they may be excused, but the late +dinner guest is correctly considered discourteous. Lord Houghton, famous +in England's social history, used to word his invitations simply "Come +and lunch with me to-morrow" or "Will you lunch with me Tuesday?" He +rarely mentioned the hour. Incidentally, Lord Houghton's unceremonious +luncheons earned for him widespread comment, and they had much to do +with the ultimate popularity of the informal luncheon in England. + +The informal luncheon lost none of its easy congeniality in traveling +across the ocean. There is a certain friendliness that distinguishes +this meal from all others. Sometimes, in fact, the hostess dispenses +with the ceremony of service altogether, and her guests help themselves +from the buffet or side-table. If such is the case, the luncheon +consists of cold meats, ham, tongue, roast beef, etc.; salads, wine +jellies, fruits, cakes, bonbons and coffee. The most usual way, however, +is to serve a more substantial luncheon, retaining just that degree of +dinner formality that is so gratifying to the social sense. + + +ABOUT THE TABLE + +Often the informal luncheon is served on the bare table, making use of +numerous lace or linen doilies instead of the usual table-cloth. (This +does not hold true of the formal luncheon and may not be true even of +the informal one.) + +The menu must be appropriate to the season. Tea or coffee are never +served in the drawing-room after the informal luncheon. If at all, they +are served right at the table at the conclusion of the meal. + +The informal luncheon guest never remains long after the luncheon unless +the hostess has provided special amusement. If the luncheon lasts an +hour the guests may sit around and chat with the hostess for about a +half hour; but they must remember that she may have afternoon +engagements, and it would be exceedingly inconsiderate and rude on their +part to delay her. + + +THE FORMAL LUNCHEON + +The formal luncheon is very much like the formal dinner, except that it +is not so substantial as to menu. The table is laid the same, except +that linen doilies are used in preference to table-cloths. The latter +are in good form, however, and it is merely a matter of taste in the +final selection. Then too, there is never any artificial light at a +luncheon, whether it be simple or elaborate. + +The formal luncheon usually opens with a first course of +fruit--grapefruit, ordinarily, but sometimes chilled pineapple or fruit +cocktails. When the fruit glasses are removed, bouillon in two-handled +cups is served. Sometimes a course of fish follows, but it is really not +essential to the luncheon and most hostesses prefer to omit it. An +entrée is next served--chicken, mushrooms, sweetbreads or beef according +to the taste and judgment of the hostess; and usually a vegetable +accompanies it. + +A light salad, prepared with a regard for harmony with the rest of the +menu, is always acceptable at the luncheon. Desserts may be the same as +those served for dinner,--jellies, frozen puddings, ice-cream, tarts, +nuts, etc. It is not customary to retire to the drawing-room for coffee; +it is good form to have it served at the table. If the weather is +tempting, and if the hostess is so inclined, coffee may be served on the +porch. However, these lesser details must be decided by personal taste +and convenience. + +It may be taken for granted that the hostess would not give a formal +luncheon if she had afternoon engagements. For that reason, the guests +may stay later than they would at an informal luncheon. Sometimes music +is provided, and often there are recitations and dramatic readings. +Usually the hour set for a ceremonious luncheon is one-thirty o'clock; +it is safe to say, then, that three o'clock or half-past three is ample +time to take one's departure. + + +THE TABLE FOR THE FORMAL LUNCHEON + +The appointments of the formal luncheon table are, as was pointed out +above, almost identical with those of the dinner table. + +In the first place, butter may be served with the formal luncheon and +rarely with dinner. Thus we find tiny butter dishes added at the left of +each luncheon cover. These plates are usually decorative, and sometimes +are made large enough to contain both the bread and butter, instead of +just the butter alone. Another difference, though slight:--cut-glass +platters for nuts and bonbons take the place of the silver platters of +dinner. Candles are not used; nor is any other artificial light whenever +it can be avoided. + +The formal luncheon offers an ideal time for the hostess to display her +finest china, her best silver. It is an occasion when dignity and beauty +combine with easy friendliness to make the event memorable, and the wise +hostess spares no effort in adding those little touches that go so far +towards making any entertainment a success. Menu cards and favors, of +course, are "touches" that belong to the dinner table alone; but +flowers, service and general setting of the dining-room are details that +deserve considerable attention and thought. + + +HOSTESS AND GUEST + +The primary requisite of a successful luncheon is harmonious and +agreeable relationship between hostess and guests. This holds true both +of the formal and informal luncheons, though particularly of the former. +One cannot possibly enjoy a luncheon--no matter how carefully the menu +has been prepared, no matter how delightful the environment--if there +are awkward lapses in the conversation; if there are moments of painful, +embarrassing silence; or if the conversation is stilted, affected or +forced. + +Spontaneity of conversation and ease of manner, together with a hostess +who knows how to plan delightful little surprises, and simple though +delicious menus,--these are the secrets of successful luncheon-giving. +And if they cannot be observed, the hostess had better direct her +energies toward strictly formal entertainments; the luncheon is not one +of her accomplishments. + +The hostess receives in her drawing-room. She rises as each guest enters +the room, greets her, or him, as the case may be, with outstretched +hand, and proceeds with any necessary introductions. As soon as all the +guests have arrived, she orders luncheon served, and she herself leads +the way to the dining-room. The guests may seat themselves in the manner +that is most congenial; but in arranging the formal luncheon, the +hostess usually identifies the correct seat with a small place card. If +there is a guest of honor, or a lady whom the hostess wishes to show +deference to, she is given the place to the right of the hostess. + +If there are gentlemen at the formal luncheon, including the hostess' +husband, they do not remain at the table to smoke and chat as they do +after dinner, but leave the dining-room with the ladies. Neither do they +offer the ladies their arms when entering or leaving the dining-room. If +the host is considerate, and is fortunate enough to have a porch, she +will suggest that the gentlemen have their cigars on the porch. + +A well-bred guest will never take advantage of the leniency toward +late-comers to the luncheon. It is _always_ rude to keep people waiting; +but it is doubly so to be lax in one's punctuality because one rule is +not as exacting as another. The guest must also bear in mind that a +great part of the enjoyment of the luncheon devolves upon his or her own +cordiality and friendliness. Every guest must feel it a duty to supply +some of the conversation, and if he is not naturally conversant, it +might be wise to decide upon and remember several interesting little +anecdotes that the company will enjoy hearing. No one can be excused +from silence or lack of interest at the luncheon. + +To the hostess, then, goes the responsibility of providing the means of +enjoyment; to the guests goes the responsibility of utilizing this +means, and cooperating with the hostess in making the entire thing a +success. There are huge social possibilities in the luncheon, and it is +rapidly becoming one of America's favorite functions. With both hostess +and guest observing their duties, it must inevitably be a triumph that +will vie with the important dignity of the formal dinner itself. + + +FORMAL AND INFORMAL BREAKFASTS + +Breakfast to some people may mean a hastily swallowed cup of tea or +coffee, and a bit of roll or cake. The early breakfast, of course. But +to many there is a later breakfast that is as elaborate as it is +tempting. + +The formal breakfast may be held any time between ten and twelve-thirty. +A fruit course opens the menu, with a mild _hors d'œuvre_ following. +Soup is never served. After the fruit, fish, broiled or _sauté_ is +served, and sometimes deviled lobster if it is preferred. In England, +steamed finnan haddie is the favorite breakfast fish. + +The personal tastes of the guests must be taken into consideration in +deciding upon the main course. Lamb or veal chops are acceptable, and +egg dishes are always welcomed. They may be accompanied by mushrooms, +small French peas or potatoes. For the next course, chicken meets with +favor especially if it is broiled or fried with rice. Dessert of frozen +punch, pastry or jellies follows immediately after the chicken; and +coffee, in breakfast cups, concludes the meal. And of course, the hot +muffins and crisp biscuits of breakfast fame are not forgotten--nor the +waffles and syrup, either, if one is partial to them. + +For an informal breakfast, the menu is correspondingly less elaborate. +Once again it begins with fruit, and it may be followed by the good +old-fashioned course of ham or bacon and eggs with johnny-cake and +potatoes; or the simple breakfast may be started with cereal, served +with cream, and followed with broiled finnan haddie and baked potatoes. +Eggs, quail or chops, and a crisp salad is another menu often adapted to +the late informal breakfast. Desserts should be simple; sweets are +seldom indulged in at breakfast. Buns with marmalade or honey are always +acceptable, and frozen puddings seem to be a just-right finish to a +delicious breakfast. + +The informal breakfast is given at ten or eleven o'clock in the morning. +It is never very elaborate; it is, in fact, one of the simplest, yet +most dignified of informal meals. + + +DRESS FOR LUNCHEONS AND BREAKFASTS + +Whether she is hostess or guest the woman at a breakfast or luncheon +should wear an afternoon gown of silk, _crêpe-de-chine_, velvet, cloth +or novelty material. In the summer preference may be given organdies, +georgettes, etc. The simpler the affair the simpler the costume should +be. + +Men may wear the cutaway coat if the luncheon is a formal one while for +simpler affairs the sack coat or summer flannels, when the season is +appropriate, may be worn. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +TEAS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENTS + + +EVOLUTION OF THE AFTERNOON TEA + +Of course one cannot mention the words "afternoon tea" without +immediately associating it with merry England. For it was there that, +over two hundred years ago, a dreamy-eyed Dutchman (dreamy-eyed because +he had lived many years in China) brought with him from the Orient a +peculiar little leaf which, with a little hot water and sugar, made a +delicious drink. At first lordly Englishmen would have none of him--but +he didn't care. He exhibited the powers of the little leaves, made his +tea, and drank it with evident relish. Others were curious; they, too, +drank, and once they started it was difficult to do without it. + +Someone spread the rumor that this new drink from China contained drugs +and stimulants--and no sooner was this rumor spread than everyone began +drinking it! Even the ladies and gentlemen of better society finally +condescended to taste "the stuff"--and lo! before they realized it, it +had been unconsciously adopted as their very own beverage! Through two +generations the idea of the afternoon tea has been perfected, until +to-day we have cosy, delightful, ceremonious five-o'clock teas that are +the pride of the English and the joy of everyone who follows the +custom. + +And so we find the afternoon tea enjoying a vogue of unrivaled +popularity here in America. When a _débutante_ daughter is to be +introduced to society, the mother plans an elaborate afternoon tea (and +they can certainly be elaborate!). When guests from out-of-town are +visiting, the hostess can think of nothing more appropriate than a +chummy tea to introduce them to her friends. So charming a way of +entertaining is the afternoon tea that it has usurped the evening +reception almost entirely, except when the occasion requires special +formality. + + +THE SIMPLER TEA + +Then, too, there is the simpler tea so dear to the hearts of our +hospitable ladies of good society. It was George Eliot who earnestly +inquired, "Reader, have you ever drunk a cup of tea?" There is something +undeniably heart-warming and conversation-making in a cup of steaming +hot tea served with delicious cream; it is an ideal prescription for +banishing loneliness. Perhaps it is not so much the tea itself, as the +circle of happy friends eager for a pleasant chat. + +As the simple tea does not require very much preparation or planning, we +will discuss it briefly here and take up only the formal tea in detail. +The simple tea may be served for any guest who chances in between four +or six o'clock in the afternoon. Sometimes a hostess devotes a stated +time each day or on certain days in the week which are known to her +friends, to tea, and she lets her friends know just what the hour is and +that they are welcome to join for a bite and a little chat whenever they +feel so inclined. There may be one or several little tea tables which +are brought into the drawing-room when the guests are ready for tea. +Covering each one is a dainty lace or linen doily, or an embroidered +tea-cloth. If tea tables are not available, one large table may serve +the purpose, but it also must be covered with small doilies at each +cover instead of one large table-cloth. + +The hostess and one or two of her friends may serve. The tea is made at +the table and served with very small, dainty sandwiches and all kinds of +quaintly-shaped cakes. Bonbons, salted nuts and sometimes ices are also +served. + +If the hostess does not own dainty tea equipage, the beverage may be +made in the kitchen and brought in ready to serve, fragrant and +steaming. The custom of the afternoon tea is confined almost wholly to +women, though it is not bad form by any means to have gentlemen present +for tea. + +A tea wagon offers the most attractive service for an afternoon tea. It +should not be in the room where the hostess receives but should be +wheeled in from an adjoining room (the dining-room usually). The maid, +if there is one, performs this service, the hostess herself if there is +no maid. The table should not be overcrowded and if there is not ample +room for sandwich trays these should be brought in separately. + +The china should be thin and of the same general kind though not +necessarily of the same pattern. There should be sugar--preferably block +sugar with tongs, a pitcher of cream, slices of lemon, mint leaves and +cloves. If the hostess makes the tea herself she adds sugar, cream, +lemon or whatever else the guest may desire before she passes the cup. +The hostess who cares about her reputation for hospitality will perfect +herself in the gentle art of making delicious tea before the day comes +for her to prove herself before her guests. + + +THE FORMAL TEA + +When the afternoon tea becomes formal and ceremonious it takes the place +of the customary "at home." Invitations must be sent a week or ten days +in advance, and if one is unable to attend, a polite note of explanation +must be sent. However, no answer is necessary if one intends to be +present. + +With this more pretentious affair, the refreshments are served in the +dining-room instead of in the drawing-room or outdoors as is sometimes +done at simpler teas. The hissing urn always holds the place of honor +(except on very warm days when iced tea or iced coffee may be served). +Trays of thinly sliced bread are on the table, and dainty sandwiches in +large variety. Fruit salads are never amiss, and strawberries with cream +are particularly delightful when in season. Then, of course, there are +cakes and bonbons and ices, although the latter are usually confined to +warm days. + +At a ceremonious tea, the hostess stands near the drawing-room door to +greet each guest as she arrives. If her daughters receive with her, they +stand to her right, and help in making any necessary introductions. As +many guests as can be conveniently entertained may be invited to the +formal tea; but the refreshments must never be so substantial that they +will interfere with dinner. In fact, the tea must be kept true to its +name, for if other eatables besides those fashionable to the tea are +served, it is a reception in substance if not in name. + +When one wishes to invite eighteen or twenty friends, and does not wish +to undertake the trouble or expense of a dinner, the "high tea" is in +order. It is usually held on a Sunday evening. At these "high teas" +small tables are invariably used, four guests being placed at each +table. It is customary to allow the guests to form their own quartettes, +for in this manner they will usually find table companions who will be +congenial--and a most unfortunate occurrence at a "high tea," or in fact +any reception, is a seating arrangement untasteful to the guests +themselves. The little tables are covered with snowy tea cloths and +decorated with a sprig of flowers in a colored vase occupying the +position of honor. + + +THE TEA-TABLE + +Perhaps more important than the tea itself, is the appearance of the +tea-table. The well-equipped table is adorned with fine china and +gleaming silver, and there are always a few flowers to add to the beauty +of the setting. Ferns may be used instead of flowers, but there must be +no elaborate ribbons or decorations such as appear on the dinner-table. + +As a matter of fact, the tea-table should always present an appearance +of unpremeditated simplicity. It must never seem as though it had been +especially prepared and planned for the occasion. Candles, dimmed with +pale shades, may be on the table when the day is gloomy and dark. In +winter, for instance, when the days are shorter, softly-glowing candles +aid considerably in the cheerfulness of the afternoon tea. Tea napkins +are used instead of those of regular dinner size. + +A pretty manner of serving sandwiches or cakes is to have them in +silver-rimmed wicker baskets which can be passed easily from one guest +to another. If the tea is informal, wicker chairs and tables may also be +used. This is especially pleasing and appropriate when the tea is +served on the porch or in the garden. + + +DRESS AT TEA TIME + +Tea time is always the fashionable time of the day and there is +sufficient variety in appropriate materials and style for a woman to +find a gown that is more than ordinarily individual and becoming. For an +informal tea the hostess may wear a clinging gown of silk but she should +not dress very sumptuously for her guests will come simply attired and +it is hardly hospitable to be a great deal more elaborately dressed than +they. Afternoon frocks of silk, velvet, cloth, etc., or of summer +materials are suitable for the guest. When the weather demands it she +wears an attractive wrap. + +In selecting dresses for teas, and, indeed for all occasions, it is well +to remember that the more ornamentation there is the less elegance there +will be. The materials should be rich but not showy--the best-dressed +person is the one who calls least attention to his or her clothes. + +One may wear jewels but not heavy necklaces or glittering brooches or +other flashing stones. If the affair is a formal one the hair may be as +elaborately marcelled as for the evening. In this case the gown should +be a rich creation of the kind suitable only for such events. + +If the tea is given for a _débutante_ it may be a very festive occasion +and _décolleté_ gowns may be worn. Dark colors are rarely worn and the +_débutante_ herself should be a fairy dream in a lovely creation of +silk, georgette, _crêpe-de-chine_, or something else equally girlish and +appropriate. + +Elderly women wear black lace or satin though certain shades of brown +and blue and nearly all shades of gray are irreproachably good taste +if--and this "if" is an important one--they are becoming. + + +THE GARDEN PARTY + +Charming indeed is the simple entertainment of the garden party. It is +an undebatable fact that informal entertainments are always more +enjoyable than those that are strictly formal, and the easy harmony of +the garden party is certainly informal to an acceptable degree. + +Someone once said of the lawn fête (which is merely another name for a +garden party) that "a green lawn, a few trees, a fine day and something +to eat" constitute a perfect garden party. To this we add, that the +guests must be carefully selected and the grounds must be attractive. + +The garden party must be held in the open air; refreshments are served +outside and the guests remain outside until they are ready to depart. At +Newport, where garden parties are quite the vogue, the invitations are +sent weeks in advance, and, if the weather is bad, the party is held +indoors. But ordinarily it must be held entirely on the grounds. A large +porch is a great advantage, for if there is a sudden downpour of rain, +the guests may repair to its shelter. + +There are many opportunities for the hostess to show consideration and +hospitality at the garden party. Easy chairs arranged in groups or +couples under spreading trees always make for comfort. Some hostesses +have a tent provided on the lawn for the purpose of serving the +refreshments--a custom which earns the approbation of fastidious guests +who search the food for imaginary specks of dust when it is served in +the open. + + +RECEIVING THE GUESTS + +Invitations to garden parties may be sent ten days to two weeks in +advance, and a prompt reply of acceptance or regret is expected. The +hostess receives on the lawn--never in the house. The guests, however, +drive up to the door of the house, are directed upstairs to deposit +their wraps (if they wish they may keep them with them), and then are +shown to the part of the grounds where the hostess is receiving. A +servant should be in attendance to see that each guest is properly +directed, unless the grounds where the hostess is receiving are visible +from the house. + +After being greeted by the hostess, guests may wander about the grounds, +stopping to chat with different groups, and seeking the refreshment +table when they are weary. The hostess must be sure that her lawns are +faultlessly mowed, and that the tennis courts are in order. Lawn-tennis +has had a large share in the making of the garden party's popularity, +and the wise hostess will always be sure that her courts are in +readiness for those who enjoy the game. + +Cold refreshments are usually served at the garden party. Salads, ham +and tongue sandwiches, fruits, jellies, ices, cakes, candies and punch +are in order. Particular care must be taken in serving the refreshments +to avoid any accidents or mussiness. There is nothing more disturbing to +both hostess and guest than to have a glass of punch or a dish of +strawberries overturned on a lawn, and pains should be taken to avoid +accidents of this kind. + + +ON THE LAWN + +Music is a pleasing feature at the garden party. A pretty custom, now +enjoying vogue among the most fashionable, is to have the orchestra +hidden by a clump of trees or shrubbery, but near enough to be heard +distinctly. In the outdoors music is never too loud to interfere with +conversation, and it is always a source of keen enjoyment to the guests. +Also, it adds a solemn charm to the natural beauties of the occasion. + +In planning a garden party, it is best to hire all the glass, silver and +china from the caterer, as there is always considerable breakage no +matter how careful the servants may be. If the hostess does use her own +china and glassware, she must never use her best unless she is willing +to take the risk of having it broken. Undoubtedly, the garden party is +troublesome, but it offers possibilities of tremendous enjoyment and +amusement, and when properly arranged is always a success. + +The correct time for a garden party is between three and six in the +afternoon. Sometimes it lasts until seven if the day is long and the +guests are congenial. It rarely lasts into the evening, however, unless +it is in celebration of some special event. Sometimes evening lawn +receptions are held, and they are remarkably pretty. An appropriate time +to hold an evening garden party is in celebration of a summer wedding +anniversary. The grounds are brilliantly lighted with many-hued Japanese +lanterns or tiny colored electric lights twining in and out among the +trees. Benches and chairs are set in groups or pairs underneath the +trees. Music is usually on the porch instead of on the grounds. The +house is open, and the younger guests may dance if they wish. Supper is +served either outdoors or indoors as convenient. Altogether the garden +party, whether held in the afternoon or evening, is a picturesque, +charming and delightful affair and deserves the wide popularity it is +enjoying both in America and England. + + +DRESS FOR GARDEN PARTIES AND LAWN FESTIVALS + +Summer frocks, in their airy flimsiness and gay colors are ideally +fitted for the colorful background of a garden or lawn party. And the +lady's escort, in his white trousers and dark sack coat adds still +further a note of festivity. + +For the garden party, the woman wears her prettiest light-colored frock +and flower-trimmed hat. Gay parasols may be carried if they match, or +harmonize with, the rest of the costume. Light shoes are more attractive +than dark ones with light frocks. + +A garden party might be compared with a drama, the costumes of the +guests deciding whether or not it would be termed pure romance or light +comedy. Here, amidst summer flowers, woman's natural beauty is +heightened, and the wrong color schemes in dress, the wrong costumes for +the setting, jar as badly as a streak of black paint across the hazy +canvas of a landscape painting by an impressionist. + + +WOMAN'S GARDEN COSTUME + +Organdie seems to be the material best suited for the garden-party +frock. For the younger person there could be no prettier frock for +garden or lawn party, or indeed for any outdoor afternoon occasion. + +For the older woman, a dress of dotted Swiss, pierette crêpe, or French +lawn is becoming. The color should be light and attractive, but the +style may be as simple as one pleases. Lilac is a pretty color for the +older woman, and sunset yellow is becoming both to age and youth alike, +when it is appropriately combined with some more somber shade. + +There are several color combinations that are very beautiful in lawn and +garden settings. We will mention them here, as they might be valuable in +selecting frocks for such occasions as mentioned. Violet and orange, +both pale and not vivid, offer a delicate harmony of color that is +nothing short of exquisite. Old rose and Nile green are equally +effective. Orchid, for the person whose complexion can bear it, may be +combined with such vivid colors as red, green and blue, presenting a +contrast so strong and clear and beautiful that it reminds one of a +glorious sunset. Black satin, for the elderly person, is quite festive +enough for the garden party when it is combined with a pretty shade of +henna or old blue or some other bit of color. + +Styles may be simple, but colors must always be gay and rich as the +colors from Nature's own palette. And the hat that is broad-brimmed and +massed with bright flowers, is a fitting complement for such a costume. + + +THE MAN AT THE GARDEN PARTY + +Of course the decorative art of dress has for a long time been entrusted +wholly into the hands of woman, but man may be just as attractive on +festive occasions, if he follows the rules of correct dress. For him +there is less color to be considered, but just as much effect. + +The younger man is well-dressed for the garden party when he wears a +suit of white flannel or serge with colored or white linen, a bright +tie, straw or panama hat, and oxfords of white or black, or a +combination of white and black. Loose jackets of black and white striped +flannel may also be worn with white duck trousers, if one is young. Then +there are the attractive light suits of gray twillett that are so +effective when worn with a white waistcoat and bright tie. + +For the older man, a jacket of black and white homespun is extremely +appropriate. It is smart when worn with a waistcoat of white flannel, +white shirt and collar and gayly figured tie of silk foulard. Trousers +of white flannel would complete this excellent costume for the elderly +man, and with a panama hat that boasts a black band, and black-and-white +oxfords he is ready for the most exclusive garden or lawn party. + + +HOUSE PARTIES + +No one should attempt a house party whose home is not comfortably large +enough and who is not able to provide every convenience for the guests. +One need not necessarily be a millionaire to hold a successful house +party, but it is certainly necessary to have a spacious home and +sufficient means to make things pleasant for the guests every minute of +the time that they are in the house. + +While the success of a house party rests directly on the host and +hostess, it also depends largely upon the guests themselves. They are +expected to contribute to the entertainment. They may be good +conversationalists, or witty humorists, or clever in arranging +surprises. A man or woman who is jolly, eager to please is always +invited to house parties and welcomed by both hostess and guests with +equal pleasure and cordiality. + + +SENDING THE INVITATION + +The invitations to house parties are important. While it is +complimentary for a guest to be invited to "spend a few days with me +next week" he or she will undoubtedly be ill at ease during the visit +and fearful of encroaching upon the hospitality of the hostess. It is +always more considerate and better form to state the definite duration +of the visit, for instance, mentioning that a train leaves the guest's +town at eleven-thirty on a certain day, and that another train leaves +_for_ that same guest's town, at a certain hour on the day he is to +leave. This gives the guest clearly, and without discourtesy, the +precise time he is expected to remain at the home of the hostess, and he +may remain the full time without any vague premonitions of undesired +presence. If the hostess did not state the time of arrival and departure +the guest should in her acceptance give suggestive dates leaving them +subject to change at the discretion of the hostess. Any other plan is +embarrassing to both hostess and guest since neither can make plans for +the future until she finds out what the other intends to do. + +The usual duration of house party visits are three days--often they last +for a week end--although some continue a week or even longer. The lady +of the house usually writes a note in the name of her husband and +herself both, inviting Mr. and Mrs. Blank to her house for three days or +three months as she (the hostess) pleases. A clear explanation as to how +to reach the house is given, and also the necessary information +regarding trains and schedules. + +These invitations must be answered promptly and if for any reason the +invited one cannot attend, the reason should be given. If there is any +doubt as to how to get to the house of the hostess; questions may be +asked in the answer to the invitation, and the hostess must answer them +at once. + + +WHEN THE GUESTS ARRIVE + +If the hostess cannot be present to receive her guests, the duty +devolves upon the daughter of the house or an intimate friend. As soon +as a guest arrives he is shown to his room for after the long railroad +trip one is usually dusty, tired and not in the mood for conversation or +pleasantries. A bath, a nap, and a cup of coffee or tea, or, if the +weather is warm, an iced drink are most welcome. + +The taxi fare from the station may be paid by either hostess or guest. +The former may consider that the other is her guest from the moment she +arrives and the latter may include this item in her traveling expenses. +Generally speaking, the hostess bears all of the expenses of the guest +while she is in her home but special services such as laundry work, +pressing, etc., may be paid for by the guest herself. + +It is bad form to invite numerous friends and then to crowd them two in +a room to make a place for all. Of course a mother and daughter may be +asked to share the same room if individual beds are provided; but two +women, meeting at the house party for the first time, cannot be expected +graciously to accept and enjoy sharing the same bed and room together. + +The furnishing of the guest chamber may be modest, but it must always be +neat and comfortable. To make the visit a pleasant one, the room that +the guest will occupy during his stay must be one that invites +memory--one that by its very cheerfulness and comfort remains fondly in +one's memory. The personal tastes of the guests themselves should be +ascertained in assigning rooms to them; some may like a sunny room, +others may not be able to endure it; and the considerate hostess will so +arrange that each one of her guests is pleased. + +There are numerous little services that the hostess must make sure are +provided for her visiting guests. Scissors, thread and needles should be +in one of the dressing-table drawers; stationery, pens, ink, and a +calendar should be in the writing-desk. Books, chosen especially for the +occupant, should be scattered about. The thoughtful hostess will make a +round of the rooms before the arrival of the guests and make sure that +every detail is attended to. Fresh flowers should be placed in the +vases. + +It is the duty of the guest to see that her room is kept in order. If +there is no maid she should attend to it herself and in any case she +should keep her own things in place and watch carefully to see that the +room is at all times exquisitely neat. + + +ENTERTAINING AT THE HOUSE PARTY + +At eight o'clock, or a little later if it is more convenient, all the +guests meet in evening dress at dinner. It is then that the necessary +introductions are made and the guest of honor, if there is one, is +presented. Plans may be made for the next day or two, the hostess +offering suggestions and deferring to the wishes of her guests when they +have attractive plans to submit. The hostess also informs the guests at +what time breakfast and luncheon is served. It is not obligatory for +every guest to be present at luncheon, but it is strictly so at dinner. + +The considerate hostess, while endeavoring to fill every moment of her +guests' stay with her, with pleasure and happiness, does not overdo it +to the extent that they will have no time for writing their +correspondence, reading a bit, or taking their customary nap. +Unfortunately many of our hostesses who entertain lavishly at house +parties and spare no expense or effort in making the party a brilliant +success, spoil it all by trying to crowd too much entertainment into the +day, forgetting that their guests need a little time to themselves. + +In planning entertainments for the morning, the hostess must remember +that breakfast will be preferred late, and that the women guests, +especially, may prefer to forego breakfast entirely and keep to their +rooms until just before luncheon. Thus it is always best to start any +entertainment in the afternoon. Long drives through the country, tennis, +hockey, golf, card parties--all these are appropriate for the afternoon. + +The evening is usually devoted to some special entertainment prepared +sufficiently in advance to render it an important occurrence. A dance +after dinner, a fancy dress ball, or private theatricals are suitable; +and often long moonlight drives, ending with a jolly little picnic, are +planned with great success. + + +HOSTESS AND GUESTS AT THE HOUSE PARTY + +The first duty of the hostess is personally to meet or have her husband +meet the guests as they arrive at the railroad station. It is better +form to have him meet them while she remains at home to receive them. + +There are several important rules that the guest must observe. In the +first place, he must not fail to arrive and depart at the exact time +signified in the invitation. If a train is missed, the correct thing to +do is wire immediately so that the host and hostess will not be awaiting +the arrival in vain. Another important rule for the guest is rigidly to +follow and adhere to the laws and the customs of the house: thus if +smoking is not allowed in the bedrooms, the gentlemen must be sure to +refrain from so doing and each guest should adapt his hours to those of +the host and hostess. + +One of the most difficult of guests to entertain is one who is peculiar +about his eating. It is an awkward situation and the guest if he can +should eat what is set before him. If this is impossible he may speak +quietly with his hostess, explain the situation and make special +arrangements for food that he can eat. This is excusable if he is on a +diet prescribed by a physician but not if he is simply expressing a +fastidious preference. So many people are vegetarians nowadays that the +hostess will make provision for them and she should in planning her +menus consult the individual tastes of the guests who are under her +roof. + +Perhaps a guest is unwisely invited to a house-party where someone he or +she particularly dislikes is also a guest. In this case it is a mark of +extreme discourtesy to complain to the host or hostess, or in any way to +show disrespect or dislike towards the other guest. To purposely ignore +him or her, obviously to show one's prejudice, is very rude. It is most +disconcerting to the host for either of them to show discontent or to +leave the house party because of the unwelcome presence of the other. +It is best for them to be formally courteous to each other and not in +any way to interfere with the enjoyment of the other members of the +house party or of the host and hostess who are responsible for it. + +To return to the hostess, she has two very important duties--not to +neglect her guests, but to provide them with ample amusement and +entertainment, and again, not to weary them by too much attention. She +may go out during the day if she pleases, either to visit friends or to +do shopping, but she must always be at home for dinner. And she must not +go out so often that the guests will begin to feel slighted. + +The good-natured and hospitable host and hostess will put at the +disposal of their guests their entire house and grounds, including their +books, horses, cars, tennis courts and golf links. The duty of the guest +is to avail himself of these privileges with delicacy, neither abusing +them nor hesitating to use them at all. There are some guests who have a +tact of perception, an ease and poise of manner, a _savoir faire_ and +calm, kind disposition that makes them welcome everywhere. They are +never petty, never disagreeable, never quarrelsome, never grouchy. It is +a pleasure to include them in the house party--and they _are_ invariably +included. + + +"TIPPING" THE SERVANTS + +The question of feeing or "tipping" the servants has always been a +puzzling one. It may be of advantage here to give an approximate idea of +what the fees should be and to whom they should be given. Attending +circumstances, of course, always govern the exact conditions. Very +often guests, both men and women, unable to estimate correctly what +amount is befitting the servants' services, tip lavishly and without any +regard for services. This borders on the ostentatious, and hence, may be +considered vulgar. + +Here are the recognized tips expected of a single woman: for the maid +who keeps her room in order, one dollar or a dollar and a half. (These +figures are based on a period of a week's stay). If this maid has also +helped the guest in her dressing, and preparing the bath for her, two or +two and a half dollars are the customary fee. A tip of from one to two +dollars must be given to the maid who waits on the guest at the table, +and if a chauffeur takes her from and to the station, a dollar is his +usual fee. + +A bachelor is expected to be somewhat more generous with his tips. The +boy who cleans and polishes his boots and shoes receives a fee of fifty +or seventy-five cents. + +When a married couple is visiting, they usually divide the tips between +them. The wife gives the maid a dollar or a dollar and a half, and the +husband tips the men servants. The butler should receive two dollars at +least, and if he has rendered many special services both to the man and +his wife, he should undoubtedly receive two or three dollars more. On +some occasions the cook is remembered, and the gentleman sends her a +dollar or two in recognition of her culinary art. It must be remembered, +however, that there are no established rules of tipping, and no +precedent to go by. One must be guided by the extent of his income and +by the services rendered. + +One more word in closing this chapter. Not everyone can afford to give +elaborate house parties. But this need not interfere with one's +hospitality. The host or hostess who is discouraged from offering +friends simple entertainment because of someone else's magnificent +parties, should cease being discouraged and take pride and pleasure in +the knowledge that they are entertaining their friends as hospitably as +they can. To do a thing simply and sincerely is infinitely finer than to +do a thing extravagantly merely for the sake of ostentation and display. + +In homes where there are no servants the guests should take part in the +work around the house unless the hostess shows distinctly that she +prefers for them not to do it. After the visit the guest may send some +little gift in appreciation of the hospitality enjoyed. A bit of +household linen, a book, flowers, or candy are most appropriate. This is +one case where an unsuitable gift is inexcusable for ample opportunity +has been given the donor to study the needs and desires of the hostess. + +Within ten days after her departure the guest should write a +bread-and-butter letter to her hostess. This is simply a grateful +expression of appreciation for the hospitality which she enjoyed during +her visit. Great care should be taken to avoid stilted forms. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +WHEN THE BACHELOR ENTERTAINS + + +WHEN THE BACHELOR IS HOST + +Until very recently, the bachelor was rarely a host, was rarely expected +to entertain. In fact, some people considered it unconventional to +attend a bachelor entertainment. But with the tremendous increase of +bachelor apartments and bachelor hotels and even bachelor clubs, it is +now quite the usual custom for him to entertain friends at dinner +parties, theater parties, teas and in almost any other way which strikes +his fancy. + +However, no bachelor should invite guests to his home unless he has a +full retinue of servants to care for their wants. There should be no +confusion, no awkwardness. If he is a professional man--an artist, +author or musician--he may entertain guests at his studio without +servants, except perhaps one to attend to the buffet supper which is +most usual at such functions. But that is the only exception; a large +entertainment in a bachelor's establishment requires as careful +preparation as a fashionable social function in a well-regulated +household. + +When an unmarried man gives house parties, dinners or entertainments of +any kind whatever, he always asks a married woman of his acquaintance +to act as chaperon. She should be the first person invited, and the +usual method of invitation is a personal call at her home. + + +WELCOMING THE GUESTS + +The host receives his guests at the door, welcoming each one with +outstretched hand, and introducing immediately to the chaperon or +chaperons those guests whom they do not already know. When the reception +is a particularly large one, a man servant usually awaits the guests at +the door and the host receives in the drawing-room. + +The question has arisen on various occasions, whether or not the +bachelor is expected to provide dressing-rooms for his guests. If as +many as thirty or forty are expected the bedrooms may be made to serve +the purpose of dressing-rooms for the evening. The matter is one +entirely dependent upon circumstances and convenience when the +entertainment is held in the home of the bachelor himself; but when a +large entertainment is given in a hall, dressing-rooms are of course +essential. + +Very often, when the reception is held in the bachelor's own apartments, +where there is only one servant, the chaperon is asked to pour the tea +while the host himself serves it. This is a very pretty custom; it +certainly lends dignity and impressiveness to the bachelor entertainment +to see a charming matron at the head of the table. And by having the +bachelor himself serve the refreshments, a certain companionship and +friendliness is created among the guests. + +THE BACHELOR'S DINNER + +Although he is not expected to retaliate in the matter of invitations to +dinners and luncheons, the bachelor often gives dinner parties. For the +host is no less eager to entertain than the hostess, and many unmarried +men find keen pleasure in gathering their friends about them for a +pleasant evening. + +In detail, the bachelor's dinner, formal or informal, is very much like +the ordinary dinner. The same holds true of the luncheon or supper +party. The menu may be identical, if he pleases; but often an elaborate +Chinese, French or Italian menu is decided upon as a novelty. + +If the guests are all gentlemen, one butler may attend to all their +wants, including the serving of the courses. But if there are ladies in +the party, the chaperon must be present, and perhaps one or two +white-capped maids to serve the dinner. + +If the dinner is given in honor of a lady, her seat is always at the +right of the host at the table. If there is no guest of honor, this +place is filled by the matron who is serving as chaperon. + +It is she who makes the first move to leave the dining-room. + +The host must extend cordial thanks to the chaperon when she is ready to +depart. It is usually upon her good judgment and influence that the +success of the dinner depends, and surely the host owes her a debt of +gratitude if everything has run smoothly and pleasantly. He also bids +his guests a cordial adieu and graciously accepts their thanks for a +pleasant evening. + +Music is often provided for the entertainment of the guests after a +dinner-party. It is not unusual for the host to obtain the services of +well-known professional singers and players for the evening. + + +TEA AT A BACHELOR APARTMENT + +The bachelor who feels that he must be hospitable to his friends and +entertain them at his home, may safely choose the afternoon tea without +apprehension as it is the simplest of entertainments. Of course a +chaperon is necessary, as she is at all his entertainments; but there is +less restraint and less formality at a tea than at almost any other +social function. + +Invitations should be issued a week or ten days before the day set for +the tea. Guests may include both sexes; but if there are only gentlemen, +they may be invited verbally. The tea is served in the dining-room, or +if he wishes, the host may have small tea tables laid out in the +drawing-room. A silver tea service is always attractive and pleasing, +and the host may pour the beverage if the guests are all gentlemen. If +ladies are present, either the chaperon may pour, or a servant. +Refreshments should consist of delicate sandwiches, assorted cakes and +wafers, salted almonds, confections and tea. If there are some among the +guests who do not drink tea, chocolate may be served. + +As they depart the bachelor host accompanies each one of his guests to +the door bidding him or her a cordial good-by. The chaperon must be +especially thanked for her service and shown particular deference. +Indeed, her host should accompany her after the reception, to her own +door if she is without car or escort. + + +THE BACHELOR DANCE + +Wealthy bachelors find pleasure and diversion in giving huge balls and +dances. Dinner or a midnight supper may be a delightful adjunct to the +dance. A fashionable ball of this kind is sometimes given for the +important purpose of introducing a young sister or another relative to +society. + +The ball is rarely, if ever, held in the bachelor's own apartments. He +hires a hall for the occasion, and arranges with several of his married +friends to act as chaperons. They also receive with him and help him +introduce the guests. As these arrive, they divest themselves of their +wraps, in the dressing-rooms provided for the purpose, and then are +received in the ballroom by the host and the chaperons. Introductions +are made, and the music and dancing begins. + +There are not very many bachelors who can entertain in this lavish +fashion; but the simpler entertainments, if they have the correct spirit +of cordial hospitality, go a long way in establishing the desired +relationship between the host and his friends. After all, it is the +little things that count; and little courtesies may fittingly repay +elaborate ceremonials and fashionable functions, if they are offered in +sincere friendliness and warmth. + + +THEATER PARTIES + +Always a favorite with the bachelor, the theater party has recently +become his main forte. First in importance, of course, is the selection +of a play, a matter which is largely determined by the kinds of visitors +the host intends to invite. There is nothing more disturbing than to +invite one's friends to a play, and then to feel that they have not +enjoyed it. In selecting something light and amusing, or else the +performance of some celebrated star, the host is comparatively sure of +pleasing most of his guests. + +Another important point is to bring together only congenial people for +the theater party. One person out of harmony with the rest will spoil +the whole evening as certainly as a sudden summer shower spoils the most +elaborately planned garden party. It is important to select only those +people whose tastes and temperaments blend. + +Invitations are informal. A brief, cordial note hand-written on personal +stationery is preferred, although some men like to use their club +stationery. The name of the play may be mentioned in the invitation. An +immediate response is expected, as the host must be given sufficient +time to choose another guest, if for some reason, the one invited cannot +attend. Men and women may be invited to the theater party, and if there +are married couples in the party, a chaperon is not particularly +necessary. + + +YACHTING PARTIES + +When a bachelor invites several men and women friends to dine on his +yacht, or to take a short cruise, it is absolutely bad form to omit the +chaperon. She must be a married woman, and she may join the party with +or without her husband. Another important point regarding yachting +parties; the host must supply a gig or rowboat to carry his guests to +and from the shore, and he must stand on the gangway to greet each one +as he arrives, and assist him to the deck of the yacht. + +In giving entertainments, the bachelor must remember that no special +social obligations are expected of him. He need not be lavish in his +dinners and parties, unless he wishes to and can afford it. Simple +entertainments, given in the spirit of good fellowship and hospitality, +are always appreciated and tend to substantially strengthen +friendships. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS + + +PREPARATIONS FOR THE MUSICALE + +The only time that music is not subordinated to other purposes of the +evening's gathering, is at the musicale. Here it is the sole +entertainment of the evening, and it reigns supreme. + +In preparing for a musicale, invitations should be engraved and issued +at least ten days in advance of the time chosen for the occasion. In +inviting her guests, the hostess must be sure that she includes only +those among her friends and acquaintances who understand and appreciate +good music, and who enjoy it for itself alone. It is not wise to include +people who are not fond of music (if there really are any such people!) +for they are likely to be bored, and instead of listening quietly to the +selections, talk and fidget and so disturb the other guests who are +anxious to give their undivided attention to the musicians. + +The invitations to a musicale require prompt answers. The third person +should be used in both invitations and answers, as the occasion is +strictly a formal one. + +The drawing-room, in which the musicale is ordinarily held, should be +bare of all unnecessary furniture save the piano, chairs for the +performers, and seats for the guests. Programs may be printed +sufficiently in advance to distribute at the musicale; they always serve +as appropriate mementos. + + +THE AFTERNOON MUSICALE + +The usual time for the afternoon musicale is from four to six. It is +considerably less formal than a similar affair in the evening, although +still requiring strictly formal third-person etiquette in invitations +and replies. + +It is usual, in issuing invitations for musicales, whether held in +afternoon or evening, to have the word "Music" engraved in the lower +left-hand corner. If a famous musician is to play his name may appear on +the invitation. + +The musical selections include various numbers to suit the tastes of the +hostess, and those of her guests if she happens to know what they are. +Sometimes there are vocal selections in addition to the instrumental +selections. All professional singers and players are paid for their +services, unless they themselves offer them free. It is very bad form +indeed, to invite a singer or player as a guest, and then expect him to +give his services. And yet it is done so often, by hostesses who think +that they are following the dictates of etiquette to the highest letter +of its law! If the performers are friends of the hostess she should +present each one with a gift of some sort as an expression of her +gratitude for their services. + +The lighter music should always be played first, retaining the important +numbers for the end. Many hostesses, when they have a famous +professional for the afternoon's entertainment, start the musicale with +singing or playing by unimportant persons, and end it with the +performance of the celebrated professional. It is always pleasing to the +guests--and also the professional himself. + +The hostess, in receiving her guests, stands in the drawing-room and +greets each one as he or she arrives. When the music begins, she seats +herself near the door, and whenever a tardy guest arrives, sees that he +is comfortably seated. Incidentally, it is bad form to come late to a +musicale; it is disturbing to the performers and guests alike. + +Guests do not remain long after the afternoon musicale. The chairs are +removed from the drawing-room and ices, punch, little cakes and bonbons +are served. As the guests leave, it is customary for them to thank the +hostess for her entertainment. + + +THE EVENING MUSICALE + +Similar in general aspect is the evening musicale and yet there are +several details that are strikingly different. + +It may be held any time in the evening. Again the hostess receives in +the drawing-room, and again the selections may be either vocal or +instrumental. But the general appearance of the entire affair is more +ceremonious, more formal. And after the musicale, instead of simple +refreshments, an elaborate supper is usually given. + +This supper may consist of jellied bouillon, roast meats, salads, ices, +confections, punches and coffee. If an important singer or player +contributes to the share of the evening's entertainment he is invited to +join the guests. After supper the guests converse for a half hour or so, +and depart. + + +CARD PARTIES AT THE MUSICALE + +Very often, instead of giving a dinner, a hostess will arrange several +small tables at which four guests can be comfortably seated. She will +serve light refreshments, such as dainty sandwiches, salads, muffins, +bouillon and perhaps ices or coffee. After the light repast, the tables +will be cleared and cards brought out. + +If the hostess decides to have cards, after the musicale, she must +mention it in the invitation. The guests may attend only the musicale, +if they wish, and leave when the other guests begin the card game. But +if the musicale is held in the evening, and supper is served, the guest +who remains must also remain for the card games as a matter of courtesy +and politeness. If he does not wish to play he may watch the others and +join in the conversation during the intervals between games. + + +DUTIES OF GUESTS AT MUSICALES + +The one important rule of conduct at the musicale is to maintain +absolute silence during the selections. It is an unforgivable breach of +etiquette to speak, fidget or otherwise disturb the guests while the +numbers are being performed. Encores are permissible, but loud applause +is undeniably vulgar. Silence, interest and attention characterize the +ideal guest at the private concert. + +Another duty of the guest is to be prompt. It is very disagreeable to +the performers, and to the hostess, to have guests arrive late and +disturb everyone. However, if one is unavoidably late, to offer profuse +apologies, while the musicians are performing, is to make matters worse +by prolonging the disturbance. Instead the guest should nod, take his or +her seat, and after the musicale, seek out the hostess and offer +apologies for not having been on time. + +In taking leave of the hostess, cordial thanks for her entertainment are +in order. Remarks about the playing of the guests are not very good +form, especially if they are in adverse criticism. A word of sincere +praise, however, is never amiss. + + +DRESS AT THE MUSICALE + +Dress at the musicale is essentially what it would be if the occasion +were an elaborate reception, and if it is given in the evening formal +evening dress is worn. In the summer this convention may be set aside in +favor of comfort. + + +ARRANGING PRIVATE THEATRICALS + +Everyone enjoys private theatricals, amateur and otherwise--the hostess, +the guests, and the actors and actresses themselves. It is an ideal +means of entertainment. + +In arranging a private theatrical, which is almost invariably an amateur +venture, the first important thing to do is to find a play which is +adapted to that talent which is available. It is wise to appoint a +committee to read numerous plays and select for final consideration +those that seem best fitted to the type of actors and actresses +available. If one of the young men is naturally witty and bubbling over +with hilarity and good fun, he must not be given a part that +necessitates grave and solemn behavior. If he, and the other actors, are +given parts not suited to them, the play is doomed to failure before it +is even staged. + +Unless the performers have had some experience in theatricals it is best +to choose a comedy--for even a Greek tragedy in all its poignant +simplicity may become a farce in the hands of unskilful actors. + +Rehearsals are of vital importance. The members of the cast must +rehearse and rehearse and rehearse again until they know their parts +perfectly. They must be punctual and regular in their attendance of the +rehearsals; continually to miss them is to spoil the play and a lack of +preparation on the part of one actor is unfair to the others, for +ultimate success depends on each one of the players. + +The performance is usually given in the drawing-room of the host who +issues the invitations, which, by the way, must be sent out two or three +weeks in advance. The host must arrange for stage, lighting effects, +seating facilities and all the other incidental details. + + +THE PLAYERS + +In assigning parts care must be taken, as was pointed out above, in +selecting that character which is most in accord with the player's own +character. This is so important that it cannot be over-emphasized. And +when finally the correct part is chosen for him, he must learn his lines +so thoroughly that he will be able, figuratively, to "say them in his +sleep." + +Costumes for the play may be obtained from any theatrical supply house. +They must be of the style prevalent at the date of the play; Colonial +clothes in a Mid-Victorian setting foredoom the play to failure. A +curtain may also be hired from a theatrical supply house, but it is very +simple to adjust one made at home by means of brass rings such as are +used in hanging portières. There should be a separation in the center so +that the curtain may be drawn back from both sides. + +Footlights may consist of a row of small electric lights, or a row of +reflector lamps will impart the desired effect to the improvised stage. +For wings, large Japanese screens will do or they, too, may be hired +from the people who supply the costumes. + +To give the effect of lightning, a magnesia torch is most effective. +Thunder is simulated by beating slowly on a bass drum. Hoof beats seem +quite real when produced by beating two cocoanut shells on marble. + +The danger of stage fright can be lessened and almost obliterated after +a sufficient number of rehearsals, and with that poise and +self-confidence that comes with true culture, one should be able to +stand before the largest audience without embarrassment or nervousness. +It is one of the rewards of correct training. + + +THE GUESTS + +As in the musicale, silence is essential. There is nothing more +disconcerting to actors than to notice whispering, giggling or lack of +interest in the audience. Whether the play is worthy of interest or not, +courtesy towards guests and performers demands the appearance of +interest. + +Guests must answer invitations promptly. In fact, in almost every +detail, attending a theatrical given in the home of a friend requires +the same etiquette as is observed at a fashionable evening musicale. In +departing, the hostess must be cordially thanked for the pleasant +evening, and if the actors are friends of the assemblage and join the +guests after the play, they, too, must be thanked for their share of the +entertainment. + + +HOST AND HOSTESS + +The host and hostess usually receive together at private theatricals. +They stand together at the door of the drawing-room, welcome each guest +and make the necessary introductions. When the curtain is drawn, they +take seats near the back and rise to greet any delinquent guest. + +After the play a supper may be served. If the actors are friends they +join in the supper. But sometimes these private theatricals are not +amateurish, but given by professionals, in which case the etiquette is +somewhat different, and the performers may or may not be invited, as the +hostess chooses. + +Engraved cards are issued, and in the lower left-hand corner appears the +name of the play and the leading actor (if he happens to be a +celebrity). The guests are expected to arrive at a definite hour, and +lateness in this case is inexcusable. If the professional players do not +offer their services free, they must receive remuneration for them. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +DANCING + + +DANCING AS A HEALTHFUL ART + +Dancing is an art. More than that, it is a healthful art. In its +graceful movements, cadenced rhythms, and expressive charms are evident +the same beautiful emotions that are so eloquently expressed in music, +sculpture, painting. And it is through these expressions of emotion, +through this silent poetry of the body that dancing becomes a healthful +art, for it imparts to the body--and mind--a poise and strength without +which no one can be quite happy. + +It is because the vital importance of dancing on the mind and body has +been universally recognized, that it has been added to the curriculum of +public schools in almost every country. We find the youngsters revelling +in folk-dances, and entering dancing games with a spirit that gives +vigor to their bodies, balance and grace to their movements. + +Consider, for a moment, the irresistible witchery of music, of rhythmic +cadences. We hear the martial note of the drum, and unconsciously our +feet beat time. We hear the first deep chords of the orchestra, and +involuntarily our fingers mark the time of the measure. With the soft, +mellow harmony of triplet melodies we are transported to the solemn +vastness of a mountain beside a gayly rippling stream. With the deep, +sonorous bursts of triumphant melody, we are transported to the ocean's +edge, where the rumbling of the waves holds us in awed ecstasy. Thoughts +of sorrow, of gladness, of joy, of hope surge through us and cry for +expression. Dancing is nature's way of expressing these emotions. + +Then let us dance, for in dancing we find poise and strength and +balance. Let us dance for in dancing we find joy, pleasure, hope. It is +the language of the feelings, and nature meant it for the expression of +those feelings. + +It is only when dancing is confined to hot, crowded rooms where the +atmosphere is unwholesome, that it loses its healthful influence on mind +and body. But where there is plenty of room and fresh air, plenty of +good, soul-inspiring music--we say dance, young and old alike, dance for +the keen pleasure and joy of the dance itself, and for the health that +follows in its wake! + + +DANCE-GIVING NO LONGER A LUXURY + +The day of the strictly formal dance, entailing elaborate suppers, +pretentious decorations and large orchestras has passed. In its place is +the simple, enjoyable, inexpensive dance which is at once the delight of +the guests and the pride of the hostess. + +Simplicity is the keynote of the modern ball. A piano and two stringed +instruments usually comprise the entire orchestra. The charm of the home +is no longer spoiled by overdecoration; a vase or two containing the +flowers of the season offer the sole touch of festivity. There are, of +course, numerous personal innovations that may be instituted; but as the +guests are assembled for dancing, space and a good floor and plenty of +fresh air are the primary and paramount requisites. + +Light refreshments have taken the place of the large suppers of not so +long ago. Hostesses no longer feel over-burdened with a sense of +obligation. The dance has become simple and inexpensive; and because it +is also so thoroughly enjoyable and healthful, it has become a favorite +sport, especially during the cooler months. + + +THE DÉBUT DANCE + +Perhaps the most important dance of all is that given in honor of the +_débutante_. No matter how large or formal a dance may be, it is never +called a "ball" in the invitation. The latter is used only in case of a +large public dance or function. The usual "at home" form of invitation +is used, and in the lower left-hand corner the word _dancing_ is +printed. The name of the young _débutante_ may be included if it is so +desired, although it is not essential. But if it is an evening occasion, +the name of both host and hostess must appear on the invitation. + +Whether the dance is held in her own home or in a hall hired for the +occasion, the hostess receives and welcomes each guest. She may be +assisted by several of her friends who are well-known in society. Her +daughter stands beside her and is introduced to those of her mother's +guests whom she has not already met. + +The _débutante_ has her first partner selected for her by her mother. +She may not dance with one man more than once on the occasion of her +introduction to society. But she is expected to dance every dance, +returning to receive guests during the intervals. Sometimes the young +_débutante_ has several of her chums receiving with her for the first +half hour. She offers her hand to every guest who arrives, and +introduces in turn the friends who are assisting her. + +The father of the _débutante_ may receive with his wife, but his duty is +more to see that all the women have partners, and that the chaperons are +taken into supper. He also sees that the gentlemen do their duty as +dancers instead of remaining in the dressing room to smoke and chat. The +hostess does not dance at all, or if she does, it is usually late in the +evening. She remains at her post at the door, welcoming guests and +seeing that all shy men get partners and all the young girls have a good +time. One paramount duty of the hostess is so to arrange her invitations +that there will be very many more men than women; this eliminates the +chance of there being any unhappy wallflowers. Another consideration is +to arrange the chairs in informal little groups instead of close to the +walls in a solemn and dreary line. + + +COSTUME BALLS + +The costume ball is conducted very much on the same order as the formal +ball. The invitations are issued two or three weeks before the date set +for the dance, and as for the _début_ dance, the word _ball_ does not +appear on it. Instead the words "Costumes of the Twelfth Century" or +"Shakespearean Costumes" or whatever may be decided upon are printed in +the lower left-hand corner of usual "at home" cards. + +In selecting a fancy costume, one must be careful to choose only what is +_individually_ becoming. It must be in perfect harmony with one's +personality. To assume a character that is in every way opposed to one's +own character is unwise and ungratifying. A sedate, quiet young miss +should not choose a Folly Costume. Nor should a jolly, vivacious young +lady elect to emulate Martha Washington. And furthermore, a character +must not be merely dressed--it must be _lived_. The successful costume +ball must be realistic. + + +SUBSCRIPTION DANCES + +What is the purpose of the subscription dance? The question is a common +one. And the answer is simple. + +A subscription dance is given for the same reason that any other dance +is given--to be surrounded by one's friends, to enjoy music and dancing, +and generally to have a "good time." It is conducted very much on the +order of the formal dance, except that it is semi-public and is usually +held in a public hall. There is no host or hostess, of course; their +place is held by an appointed committee or by the patronesses of the +dance. They stand at the door of the ballroom to welcome guests, and +they may either offer their hands or bow in greeting. It is the duty of +the patronesses to introduce those of the guests who are not already +acquainted. + +Each subscriber to the dance has the privilege of inviting a certain +number of friends to the function. Or, if the membership decide to give +several periodic dances, he is entitled to invite a certain number of +friends to each one of them. The invitations are issued two weeks ahead +and require a prompt acceptance or regrets. + +Sometimes elaborate suppers are served at the subscription dance, the +money for the expenses having been appropriated from the subscription +fees for the entertainment. Or simple refreshments, such as dainty +sandwiches, salads, ices, cakes and punch, may be served at small, round +tables. + +In departing, it is not considered necessary to take leave of the +patronesses. However, if they are on duty at the door, a cordial word or +two of consideration for their efforts may be extended. + + +THE BALLROOM + +Everything in the ballroom should suggest gayety, light and beauty. The +floor, of course, is the most important detail. A polished hardwood +floor offers the most pleasing surface for dancing. If the wood seems +sticky, paraffine wax adds a smoothness that actually tempts one to +dance. + +Flowers are always pleasing. Huge ferns may grace unexpected corners and +greens may add a festive note, if the hostess so desires. But there must +not be an obvious attempt at decoration. Rather nothing at all, than so +very much that it borders on the ostentatious. + +In fact, the dance is tending more and more to become a simple and +unpretentious function. The elaborate decorations and fashionable +conventions that attended the minuet and quadrille of several decades +ago have given way to a jolly informality which makes the dance so +delightful and popular a way of entertaining. + + +MUSIC AT THE DANCE + +The music, of course, is important. A piano and one or two stringed +instruments are sufficient. The musicians should be hidden behind a +cluster of palms, or placed in a balcony. + +Ordinarily the selections are arranged previously by the hostess. She +must also arrange for encores, and should make provision for special +selections which the guests may desire. + + +DANCE PROGRAMS + +The dance program is rarely used now except at college dances, or army +and navy dances. It has lost prestige with the passing of the +old-fashioned ball. But sometimes there are special occasions when the +hostess wishes to have programs, in which case they serve not only as +pretty and convenient adjuncts to the occasion, but as appropriate +mementos. + +Gilt-edged cards attached with a silk cord and provided with a tiny +pencil are pretty when an attractive little sketch or a bit of verse +enlivens the front cover. Each dance is entered on the program--and many +a delightful memory is kept alive by glancing at these names days after +the dance was held. These programs may be filled beforehand or they may +be filled at the dance. + + +DINNER DANCES + +At the dinner dance, the hostess issues two sets of invitations, one for +those whom she wishes to invite for dinner and dance both, and one for +those whom she wishes to invite to the dance only. For the former the +ordinary dinner invitation may be issued, with the words "Dancing at +Nine" added in the left-hand corner. For the latter, the ordinary "at +home" invitation with the same words "Dancing at Nine" added also in the +left-hand corner is correct form. + +Often the hostess has a buffet supper instead of a dinner. All the +guests partake of this refreshment. On a long table, decorated with +flowers, are salads, sandwiches, ices, jellies and fruits which may be +partaken of throughout the entire evening. Sometimes hot bouillon is +also served, and very often a midnight supper is given at which hot +courses are in order. + +If a dance is scheduled to be held in the ballroom of a hotel, the +guests who are invited to dinner may be served in the dining-room of +that hotel. The small tables are usually decorated with lamps and +flowers for the occasion, and the dinner may be ordered by the hostess +several days in advance. + + +DRESSING ROOMS + +Whether the dance be large or small, dressing rooms, or coat rooms, as +they are sometimes called, are essential for the convenience of the +guests. There must be one for the gentlemen and one for the ladies, each +properly furnished. + +It is usual to have a maid servant in attendance in the dressing room +set apart for the ladies. She helps them relieve themselves of their +wraps when they arrive, and to don them again when they are ready to +depart. A dressing-table, completely furnished with hand-mirror, powder, +perfume and a small lamp, should be provided. A full-size mirror is +always appreciated. Sometimes, when a great number of guests are +expected, a checking system is devised to simplify matters and aid the +maid in identifying the wraps. + +The men's dressing room may be provided with a smoking table supplied +with all the necessary requisites for smoking, matches, ash-trays, +cigar-cutters, etc. Here also a servant is usually on hand to offer the +gentleman his service wherever it is needed. + + +THE DANCE + +There is a lesser formality, a greater gayety in the ballroom of to-day. +The dance-card and program are no longer enjoying unrivaled vogue as +they did when our grandmothers' danced the waltz and cotillon. The +pauses between dances are shorter. Something of the old dignity is gone, +but in its place is a new romance that is perhaps more gratifying. It is +not a romance of the Mid-Victorian period, or a romance that carries +with it the breath of mystery. It is a strangely companionable and +level-headed romance which pervades the ballroom and makes everyone, +young and old, man and woman, want to get out on the floor and dance to +the tune of the pretty melodies. + +But the ballroom of good society, must retain its dignity even while it +indulges in the new "romance of the dance." It must observe certain +little rules of good conduct without which it loses all the grace and +charm which are the pride and inspiration of the dancing couples. There +is, for instance, the etiquette of asking a lady to dance, and accepting +the invitation in a manner graciously befitting the well-bred young lady +of the twentieth century. + + +WHEN THE LADY IS ASKED TO DANCE + +Before asking anyone else to dance, the gentleman must request the first +dance of the lady he escorted to the ball. Then he takes care that she +has a partner for each dance, and that she is never left a wallflower +while he dances with some other lady. + +At the conclusion of the dance, the gentleman thanks the lady for the +dance and goes off to find his next partner. The lady does not seek her +partner for the next dance, if she has promised it to anyone, but waits +until he comes to claim her. A man should never leave a woman standing +alone on the floor. + + +"CUTTING IN" + +A modern system of "cutting in" seems to be enjoying a vogue among our +young people. While a dance is in progress, a young man may "cut in" and +ask the lady to finish the dance with him. If the dance has not been +very long in progress, and the young lady wishes to continue it, she may +nod and say, "The next time we pass here." The dance continues around +the room, and when the couple reach the same place again, the lady +leaves her partner and finishes the dance with the young man who has +"cut in." + +Perhaps this custom of "cutting in" carries with it the merest +suggestion of discourtesy, but when we consider the informal gayety of +the ballroom, the keen and whole-hearted love of dancing, we can +understand why the privilege is extended. Like many another privilege, +it becomes distasteful when it is abused. + +It is not good form for a couple to dance together so many times as to +make themselves conspicuous. + +Men should not neglect their duty as dancers because they prefer to +smoke or simply to act as spectators. + + +DANCING POSITIONS + +Dancing has been revolutionized since the day when the German waltz was +first introduced to polite society. And it is safe to say that some of +our austere granddames would feel righteously indignant if they were +suddenly brought back to the ballroom and forced to witness some of the +modern dance innovations! + +There seems to be an attempt, on the part of the younger generation +(although the older generation is not so very far behind!) to achieve +absolute freedom of movement, to go through the dance with a certain +unrestrained impulsiveness unknown to the minuet or graceful quadrille. +These newer dances and dancing interpretations are charming and +entertaining; and yet there is the possibility of their becoming vulgar +if proper dancing positions are not taken. The position is especially +important in the latest dances. + +In guiding a lady across the polished floor to the tune of a simple +waltz or a gay fox-trot, the gentleman encircles her waist half way with +his right arm, laying the palm of his hand lightly just above the waist +line. With his left hand, he holds her right at arm's length in the +position most comfortable for both of them, taking special care not to +hold it in an awkward or ungainly position. His face is always turned +slightly to the left, while hers usually faces front or slightly to the +right. The girl should place her left arm on her partner's right arm. +She must follow him and not try to lead the dance herself. + +When the dance requires certain swaying movements, as almost all modern +dances do, the lady inclines her body in harmony with that of her +partner, and if the proper care is taken to retain one's poise and +dignity, not even a most exacting chaperon can find fault with the new +steps. + + +WHEN THE GUEST DOES NOT DANCE + +Always at a dance, formal or informal, there are guests who do not +dance. Usually they are men, for there is rarely a woman who does not +know the steps of the latest dances--that is, if she ever does accept +invitations at all. But "the guest who does not dance" is one of the +unfortunate things the hostess has to put up with at every one of her +dances. + +And there is rarely ever an excuse for it. Every man who mingles in +society at all, who enjoys the company of brilliant women and attractive +young ladies, who accepts the invitations of hostesses, is failing in +his duty when he offers as an excuse the fact that he doesn't know how +to dance--for there are sufficient schools of dancing in every city and +town where the latest steps can be learned quickly. + +If for any reason, a gentleman does not know how to dance, and does not +want to learn, he may make up for it by entertaining the chaperons while +their charges are dancing,--conversing with them, walking about with +them and escorting them to the refreshment table, and altogether show by +his kind attentiveness that he realizes his deficiency and wishes to +make up for it. To lounge in the dressing-room, smoking and chatting +with other gentlemen is both unfair to the hostess and essentially rude +in the matter of ballroom etiquette. The true gentleman would rather +decline an invitation than be unfair to his hostess and her guests in +this respect. + + +PUBLIC DANCES + +Very often public dances are given in honor of some special occasion or +a celebrated guest. They are very much like private dances, except that +a specially appointed committee fulfills the position and duties of the +hostess. At most public balls, the committee is composed of men and +women who wear badges to indicate their position, and who stand at the +door to receive and welcome each guest. These men and women do not dance +the first dance, but wait until later in the evening when they are quite +sure that all the guests have arrived; and then they are always back at +their duty during the intervals between dances. + +Guests arriving at a public dance greet the patronesses with a smile of +welcome and a word or two, but rarely offer their hands to be shaken +unless the ladies serving as patronesses take the initiative. They may +stay for one or two dances, or throughout the whole evening, as they +prefer; and when departing, it is not necessary to seek out the +patronesses and bid them good-by. + +Engraved invitations are usually issued three weeks before the date set +for the ball. On these cards the names of the patronesses are also +engraved. If the entrance to the ball is by purchased ticket, such as is +always the case when the ball is given for some charity, the invitations +must be preserved and shown at the entrance. + +Sometimes a supper is included in the arrangement of the public ball, +and in such case a caterer is engaged to attend to all details, +including servants. A buffet supper is always the most pleasing and +satisfactory as the guests may partake of the foods when they desire +and there is no confusion or interruption to the dance. Hot bouillon, +various meats, salads, cakes, ices, fruits and confections are an ideal +menu. Coffee or punch is sometimes added. + +When a public ball is given in honor of some special person, that person +must be met on his arrival and immediately introduced to the women on +the reception committee and escorted to the seat reserved for him. He +must be attended throughout the evening, introduced to everyone he does +not know, and all his wants carefully taken care of. When he departs, he +must be escorted to his carriage, and if he is a celebrated personage +thanked for his presence--although truly cultured gentlemen prefer not +to have this honor paid them. + +A public ball is either a tremendous success or a miserable failure. +There is no in-between. And the success or failure rests solely on the +good judgment and influence of the ladies and gentlemen of the +committees, including, of course, those who receive. To mingle freely +among the guests, to join in the conversation, to introduce guests to +each other and find partners for the "wallflowers"--all these little +services tend to arouse a spirit of friendliness and harmony that cannot +but result in an evening that will be long remembered in the minds of +every guest. + + +A PLEA FOR DANCING + +Lately there has been a great deal of unfavorable criticism directed +against the modern dances. There have been newspaper articles condemning +the "latest dance fads" as immoral and degrading. There have been +speeches and lectures against "shaking and twisting of the body into +weird, outlandish contortions." There have been vigorous crusades +against dance halls. And all because a few ill-bred, fun-loving, +carefree young people wrongly interpreted the new dances in their own +way and gave to the steps the vulgar abandon appropriate only to the +cheap vaudeville stage or the low dance hall. + +Dancing, even the shoulder-shaking, oscillating dancing of to-day, is +really not intended to be vulgar or immoral at all, despite the crusades +of the anti-immorality dancing committees! What is dancing, after all, +if not the expression of one's ideals and emotions? It is only the man +or woman with a vulgar mind, with base ideals, who will give a vulgar +interpretation to a dance of any kind. But the essentially fine girl, +the really well-bred man, the people who, by their poise and dignity +have earned for America the envied title of "Republic of the +Aristocrats"--they dance these latest creations for the sheer joy of the +dance itself, reveling in its newness, enjoying the novelty of its +"different" steps, seeing nothing in its slow undulations or brisk +little steps, but art--a "jazzy" art, to be sure, but still the +beautiful art of dancing. + +And so we plead--let the younger generation enjoy its giddy waltzes and +brisk-paced fox-trots and fancy new dances just as grandmother, when she +was young, was allowed to enjoy the minuet and the slow waltz. They are +different, yes, and rather hard to accept after the dignified dances of +not so long ago. But they are picturesque, to say the least, and +artistic. The gracefully-swaying bodies, keeping step in perfect harmony +to the tunes of the newer symphony orchestras, are delightful to watch; +and in good society, young men and women can always be trusted to deport +themselves with utter grace and poise. + +The minuet was decidedly graceful. The old German waltz with its +dreamy, haunting melody was beautiful as it was enjoyable. But they have +been relegated into the days of hoop skirts and powdered wigs. To-day +the "jazzy" dances are in vogue, and society in its lowest and highest +circles is finding intense pleasure in the whirling, swirling dances +decreed by fashion as her favorites. Why complain? Perhaps in another +year or two, these giddy-paced dances will be "out of style" and in +their stead will be solemn, slow dances more graceful and stately than +even the minuet of yore. + + +THE CHARM OF DRESS IN DANCING + +Immediately after the Reign of Terror, France was plunged into a +reckless round of unrestrained gayety that can come only from love of +life and youth and laughter long pent-up. It was as though an avalanche +of joy had been released; it was in reality the reaction from the +terrors and nightmares of those two years of horror. The people were +free, free to do as they pleased without the fear of the guillotine ever +present; and all France went mad with rejoicing. + +It was then that dancing came into its own. Almost overnight huge dance +halls sprang up. The homes of wealthy aristocrats who had been +sacrificed to the monster guillotine, were converted into places for +dancing. Every available inch of space was utilized for the dance. And +the more these freed people danced, the more their spirits soared with +the joy of life and living, until they found in the dance itself the +interpretation of freedom and all that it means. + +A biographer who was an eye-witness of this madcap Paris, wrote in +detail about the dance and the dress of these people. He told how they +dressed in the brightest clothes they could obtain, for maddened with +happiness as they were, they instinctively felt that bright clothes +would enliven their spirits. And they did! + +"The room was a mass of swirling, twirling figures," the biographer +writes, "men, women and children in weird, vivid clothes. It seemed +natural that they should be dancing so wildly in their wild costumes; in +their sabots and aprons of two months ago they would not have been able +to take one step." + +It is, then, the spirit of clothes that imparts to one the spirit of the +dance. We have mentioned these facts about the Reign of Terror to show +what effect clothes do have on the spirit, and incidentally to show what +the ballroom owes to dress. For it is undoubtedly the gayly-colored +dance frock of the miss of the twentieth century, and the strikingly +immaculate dance suit of her partner that gives to the ballroom to-day +much of its splendid brilliance. + + +AT THE AFTERNOON DANCE + +There can be no comparison between the mad dance of freed France and the +simple, graceful dance of to-day. Yet we can see the effect of clothes +in relation to both. + +It is not often that dances are held in the afternoon, but when the +occasion does arise, dress is just as gay and colorful as one can wear +without being gaudy. The decorous effect of these bright-colored +costumes is what brings the "giddy kaleidoscopic whirl of colors and +costumes, modes and manners" that the historian speaks of when he +mentions the ballroom. + +For the afternoon dance, we would suggest that the very young person +choose the fluffiest and most becoming style which fashion permits. Trim +it gaily, but above all, make it youthful--for youth and dancing are +peculiarly allied. + +The older woman will want a gown that is more suited to her years. It +may be of taffeta, Canton crêpe or _crêpe-de-chine_; but satin is one of +the materials that is preferred for more formal occasions than the +afternoon dance. The colors may be somber, to match one's tastes, but +the trimming should have a note of gayety. + +_Décolleté_ is never worn at the afternoon dance. Short sleeves may be +worn if Fashion favors them at the time, and the neck of the gown is +also cut on the lines that agree with the prevalent mode. But it is +extremely bad taste, even for a very celebrated guest of honor, to +attend the afternoon dance in a sleeveless, _décolleté_ gown. + +A late custom seems to favor the wearing of satin slippers to match the +gown. It is not by any means bad taste, but patent leather or kid pumps +are preferred for the afternoon, reserving the more elaborate satin +pumps for evening wear. Long white silk or kid gloves and a +light-colored afternoon wrap complete the correct dress for the +afternoon dance. The hat, of course, depends on Fashion's whim at the +moment. + + +GENTLEMEN AT THE DANCE + +In summer, the gentleman may wear a complete suit of gray with a white +duck waistcoat and light linen to the afternoon dance, completing his +costume with black patent leather shoes or oxford ties, light gray +gloves, and straw hat with black and white band. But whether it be for +summer or winter, the dark suit is always better taste. + +It may be of serge, twillet or homespun, preference being given always +to the conventional navy blue serge. Double-breasted models are +appropriate for the young man; single-breasted for the older. Light +linen and bright ties are in full accordance with the gay colors worn by +the women at the dance. The coat may be the ordinary unlined, straight +hanging overcoat of thin material in a light color, or it may be an +attractive full-belted raglan coat of tan or brown fleece. In either +case it is worn with the conventional afternoon hat of the season. + + +DRESS FOR THE BALL + +When the dance is held in the evening, it often assumes an air of +formality. + +It is at the ball that such important events as introducing one's +daughter to society or celebrating the graduation of one's son from +college, takes place. + +Of course, one wears one's most important jewels to the ball, and +indulges in a headdress that is a trifle more elaborate than usual. The +event is a brilliant one, and if gaudiness and ostentation are +conscientiously avoided, one may dress as elaborately as one pleases. + +This does not mean, however, that the woman whose purse permits only one +evening gown, need feel ill at ease or self-conscious at the ball, for +simplicity has a delightful attractiveness all its own, and if the gown +is well-made of excellent materials, and in a style and color that is +becoming, one will be just as effectively dressed as the much-bejeweled +dowager. + + +DRESS OF THE DÉBUTANTE + +A gown is chosen with much premeditated consideration for so momentous +an occasion as being ushered into society. The young lady does well to +seek the advice of her friends who are already in society, and of her +modiste who knows by long experience just what is correct and becoming. +But perhaps we can give some advice here that will be helpful. + +A delicately tinted gown, in pastel shades, or one that is pure white is +preferred for the happy _débutante_. Tulle, chiffon, net and silk +georgette are the most popular materials. The style should be youthful +and simple, preferably bordering on the bouffant lines rather than on +those that are more severely slender. The neck may be cut square, round +or heart-shaped, and elbow-length sleeves or full-length lace sleeves +are preferred. The sleeveless gown is rarely worn by the young +_débutante_. + +The _débutante_ who wears many jewels displays poor taste. Just a string +of softly glowing pearls, or one small diamond brooch, is sufficient. +Her hair should be arranged simply in a French coil or youthful +coiffure, and should be wholly without ornamentation. Simplicity, in +fact, is one of the charms of youth, and the wise young person does not +sacrifice it to over-elaboration, even on the day of her _début_. + + +WRAPS AT THE BALL + +The woman wears her most elaborate evening wrap to the ball. Soft +materials in light shades are suggested, with trimmings of fur for the +winter months. A wrap of old blue or old rose velvet with a collar of +white fox is becoming and attractive when it is within one's means. But +the simple wrap of cloth, untrimmed, is certainly better taste for the +woman whose means are limited. However, discrimination should be shown +in the selection of lines and colors. A simple wrap, well-cut, and of +fine material in a becoming shade, is as appropriate and effective as a +wrap completely of fur. For the woman who must dress economically a dark +loose coat of black satin is serviceable for many occasions. + +Hats are never worn to the ball. A shawl or scarf of fine lace may be +thrown over the hair and shoulders. Or a smaller shawl may be tied +merely around the head. Satin pumps are worn, usually with buckle +trimmings; and long gloves of white silk or kid, or in a color to match +the gown, complete the outfit. + + +BALL DRESS FOR MEN + +Nothing less strictly formal than the complete full dress suit is worn +by the gentleman at the evening ball. His costume strikes a somber, yet +smart, note. + +Whether it be summer or winter, the gentleman wears the black full dress +coat, lapels satin-faced if he so desires, and trousers to match. Full +rolled waistcoat, small bow-tie and stiff linen are all immaculately +white. Patent leather pumps and black silk socks complete the outfit. + +In summer, the gentleman wears over his full dress suit a light unlined +coat, preferably black in color. If the lapels of the suit are +satin-faced, the coat lapels may correspond. White kid gloves are worn, +and a conventional silk hat. In winter, the coat may be a heavy, +dark-colored raglan, although the Chesterfield overcoat more suits his +dignified dress. With it he wears white kid gloves and a high silk hat +or felt Alpine as he prefers. + + +FOR THE SIMPLE COUNTRY DANCE + +There can be nothing more picturesque and delightful than some of the +pretty little social dances held in the smaller towns. Sometimes they +are held in the afternoon; more often in the evening, but always they +are a source of keen enjoyment both to the participants and to those who +"look on." + +We are going to tell you about a dance held recently in the home of a +social leader in a typical small town. Everyone of any consequence +whatever attended, and the occasion proved one worthy of remembrance in +the social annals of the town. There were perhaps one hundred and fifty +women and one hundred men. Three rooms in the hostess' home were thrown +open into one huge ballroom. The dancing began at eight o'clock in the +evening--rather early for the city, but unusually late for this country +town. + +To a visitor from so gay a metropolis as New York, the simplicity of the +women's dress was a pleasing change. They were in evening dress, +yes,--but a strangely more conservative evening dress than that +described previously for the formal ball. There were no sleeveless +gowns, no elaborate _décolletés_. Taffetas, chiffons and silk brocades +were developed simply into gowns of dignified charm. One did not notice +individual gowns, for no one woman was dressed more elaborately than +another. This is what everyone should strive for--simplicity with charm +and a complete absence of all conspicuousness. + +[Illustration: + +Photo by George H. Davis, Jr. Courtesy of the _Woman's Home Companion_ + +THE PUNCH TABLE + +This is a very pleasing form of refreshment during the summer months] + +Fashion has been condemned. Women have been ridiculed for their "extreme +tastes." As a matter of fact, civilization owes dress a great debt, and +women have an inherent good taste. And both these facts are forcibly +proved at the country dance, where simplicity and harmony of color +combine to give an effect that is wholly delightful and charming. + +The lesson we might take from this is that simplicity in dress has more +beauty and effect than elaborate "creations." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +GAMES AND SPORT + + +WHY THE WORLD PLAYS + +All the world loves to play. In childhood, it is the very language of +life. In youth, it vies with the sterner business of young manhood or +womanhood. When we are older and the days of childhood are but a fading +memory, we still have some "hobby" that offers recreation from our +business and social duties. It may be golf or tennis or billiards; but +it is _play_--and it is a relaxation. + +It is a fundamental law of nature that we shall play in proportion to +the amount of work we do. The inevitable "tired business man" finds +incentive in the thought of a brisk game of golf after closing hours. +The busy hostess looks forward to the afternoon that she will be able to +devote exclusively to tennis. The man or woman who does not "play" is +missing one of the keenest pleasures of life. + +But there is an etiquette of sport and games, just as there is an +etiquette of the ballroom and dinner table. One must know how to conduct +oneself on the golf links and at the chess table, just as one must know +how to conduct oneself at dinner or at the opera. And in one's play, one +must remember that touching little fable of the frogs who were stoned by +boys, in which the poor little creatures cried, "What is play to you is +death to us." Be kind, unselfish and fair. Do not sacrifice, in the +exciting joyousness of the game, the little courtesies of social life. +Remember Burns' pretty bit of verse--we cannot resist the temptation of +printing it here: + + "Pleasures are like poppies spread, + You seize the flower, its bloom is shed; + Or, like the snowfall on the river, + A moment white, then melts forever." + + +FAIR PLAY + +Nothing so quickly betrays a person as unfairness in games. It hardly +seems necessary to mention it, to caution anyone against it. Yet so many +people are prone to believe that the courtesies we observe in social +life, may be entirely forgotten in the world of sport and pleasure--and +that with them, we may forget our scruples. "Cheating" is a harsh word +and we do not want to use it. But what other word can be used to +describe unfairness, to describe selfish discourtesies? + +"Fair play is a jewel." This proverb has been handed down to us among +other old sayings of the Danish, and Denmark loves its games and sports +as few other countries do. It was here that the game of Bridge first had +its inception. It was here that the game of "Boston" first won +prominence. Many of the games and sports practiced in America to-day had +their origin in Denmark. And it was that country that gave to us the +golden proverb, "Fair play is a jewel." + +We could fill a complete volume on the ethics of sport, but it is not +necessary to elaborate on the subject in a book of etiquette. When you +are on the tennis courts or at the billiard tables remember only to +observe the same good manners and courtesies that characterize your +social life--and you will play fair. + + +INDOOR GAMES + +Bridge and chess have long been the boon of puzzled hostesses. These +indoor games offer a wealth of interest and enjoyment to visiting +guests, and in social circles they are frequently resorted to, to make +an afternoon or evening pass pleasantly. + +Every woman who ever invites people to her home should know the +etiquette of indoor games. It is also necessary that she herself know +how to play the games, as it will be expected that she join her guests. +At a recent silver wedding the host and hostess evolved the novel idea +of spending the evening playing bridge with the guests and offering +silver prizes to the winners. Everyone enjoyed the evening, and it saved +the hostess the trouble of worrying about providing satisfactory +entertainment. + +Some women who enjoy indoor games form clubs for the purpose of devoting +one or more afternoons or evenings a week to the favored game. There are +numerous chess and bridge clubs that meet in private homes or in +club-rooms rented for the purpose. The usual method is to meet at the +home of one of the members, rotating each week so that each member has +her turn at being hostess. + + +CHESS + +There is something romantic, something strangely fanciful in the old +game of chess. Its origin is forgotten in a dim past--a past around +which is woven historical tales of kings and queens, interesting +anecdotes of ancient sports and pleasures. There is perhaps no indoor +game as old and as beloved. (See footnote.)[B] + + [B] To inspire interest in certain games, and to give renewed zest + to those who have already made one of these games a hobby, it was + considered worth-while to give in these chapters the interesting + facts regarding the origin of some of our popular modern games. We + are indebted to Paul Monckton, whose splendid book, "Pastimes in + Times Past" has helped us to make this possible. + +Chess is also one of the most universal of games. In slightly altered +form, it is played in almost every country. Games resembling chess are +found even in uncivilized countries. To know the rudiments of the game, +is to be able to enter into at least one sport when traveling in other +countries. + +We trace the origin of chess to the ancient Sanscrit Indians. At that +time it was known as "chatauranga." From this word, the word "shatrang" +was evolved, developing slowly into our modern word "chess." It was in +the sixteenth century that the surface of the chess-board was chequered +black and white. Just as the capture of a king by enemies meant the +terminating of his rule of the kingdom in those days, the capture of the +"king" on the chess-board to-day terminates the game. + +It is interesting to note that the different "pieces" used in the game +of chess all have their origin in ancient history. The game is one of +the most interesting in existence, and the man or woman who does not +already know how to play it, should learn how as soon as possible. There +are numerous authorities who are only too glad to teach it. + +The hostess who plans a chess-party for her guests should arrange a +sufficient number of small tables in the drawing-or reception-room. +Usually coffee and wafers are served as refreshment in the afternoon; +but if the party is held in the evening, it usually terminates in a +cold midnight supper. + + +BRIDGE + +Bridge is one of our most popular card-games--particularly so among +women. It is also one of the most interesting indoor games ever +invented, and therefore usually adopted by the hostess who wishes to +entertain her guests for the afternoon or evening. + +England greeted the origin of bridge, about fifty years ago, with great +delight. The game speedily became one of the most popular ones in social +circles. Perhaps if we exclude whist, bridge has taken a greater hold +upon the popular imagination than any other card-game ever invented. + +The origin of the word "bridge" itself is buried in the mists of +uncertainty. Some say that it comes from the Tartar word "birintch" +which means "town-crier." Others contend that it comes from the Russian +word "biritch" meaning Russian whist. But whatever its origin, the word +means a game of such utter interest and delight, that it should be well +understood and frequently indulged in by hostesses and their guests. + +There are two kinds of bridge; one, known as Auction Bridge is for three +players. Ordinary bridge is for four players. In the former game, one +depends largely upon luck. But skill is a very necessary requisite to +the one who wishes to play and win in ordinary bridge. Writers on games +declare that Auction Bridge is more of a "gambling" game than ordinary +bridge. But hostesses who do not favor "gambling" in any form, had +better choose chess as their popular game, for it is the only game from +which the element of chance is entirely absent. But bridge, perhaps by +virtue of its very element of chance, is to-day one of the most popular +indoor games. + +The hostess who invites friends to a bridge-party should provide +sufficient card tables for the purpose. If the party consists entirely +of ladies, it is usually held in the afternoon and light refreshments +are served. If men join the party it is usually held in the evening and +terminates in a midnight supper. + + +BILLIARDS AND CROQUET + +There seems to be some very intimate connection between croquet and +billiards. But while croquet is a very old game and now rapidly lapsing +into disuse, billiards is a comparatively new one enjoying very wide +popularity. The fact that small billiard tables are being made to fit +conveniently into the drawing-room at home, proves that the modern host +and hostess recognize the popularity of the game. + +Croquet, we find from studying the history of games, was played in the +thirteenth century. Billiards, which we speak of as being "comparatively +new," was known in the seventeenth century, for does not Shakespeare +have Cleopatra say in Antony's temporary absence: + + "Let us to billiards: + Come, Charmian." + +Billiards is a game that lends itself to betting. While this may be +permissible in a public billiard place, it is not good form in a private +home where the hostess invites a few friends to enjoy the game with her. +She should not invite many people unless she has several tables to +place at their disposal. + +Croquet is played on the lawn. Hidden in the forgotten origin of +billiards, there must be some connection between the green lawn of +croquet and the green baize cloth of the billiard table. Croquet is +played with mallets and balls, very much on the same order as the game +of billiards. + +The game of croquet is derived from the same source as hockey. The old +French word "hoquet," meaning a "crooked stick" has very much the same +meaning as the word "croquet." Both are excellent outdoor sports that +guests at a house party will find enjoyable and interesting. + +One hostess we know, who is a billiard enthusiast, has six tables in her +"billiard room," as she calls it, where she entertains several guests +almost every afternoon. On the wall is a large picture showing two +stately old gentlemen playing a game of billiards, and beneath it in +bold hand-lettering, the following bit of verse from Cotton's book, "The +Compleat Gamester": + + Billiards from Spain at first derived its name, + Both an ingenious and a cleanly game. + One gamester leads (the table green as grass) + And each like warriors, strive to gain the Pass. + + +OUTDOOR GAMES + +At garden parties, house parties, and lawn parties, there is always the +need for interesting, amusing games that will afford entertainment for +the guests. The hostess who knows the various games that are popular +among the younger and older sets, will be able to spend many jolly, +pleasant mornings and afternoons with her guests. + +Not only for the hostess and her guest, but for every man or woman who +loves games and sports, who enjoys being outdoors, there are sports that +are as enjoyable as they are health-building. There can be nothing more +delightful, on a Saturday afternoon, than to go out on the links and +enjoy a good game of golf. And there can be nothing more invigorating to +the tired hostess than a brisk game of lawn tennis on a sunny afternoon. + +To the splendid outdoor games of America, our young women owe their +lithe, graceful bodies and their glowing good health; and our young men +owe their well-knit forms and muscular strength. No appeal can be too +strong in encouraging people to indulge more freely in outdoor +sports--and especially people who spend a great deal of their time in +businesses that confine them to offices. + + +LAWN TENNIS + +Tennis is always popular and always interesting. + +Those who love the game will enjoy a bit of the history of its origin +and of its development in recent years. It is not a new game. The exact +date of its origin is not known, and perhaps never will be, but we do +know that it was imported into England from France at a very early date. +Originally it was called "palmplay" because the palm was used to cast +the ball to the other side. And instead of the net, a mud-wall was used +to separate the two sides. + +The game of tennis flourished in the time of Joan of Arc, for we find +her namesake, a certain Jean Margot, born in 1421, called the "amazon of +medieval tennis" by Paul Monckton in his book, "Pastimes in Times +Past." He tells us also that she could play ball better than any man in +France. + +In the fifteenth century, tennis fell into disrepute because of the +large amount of betting. But gradually, with the passing of the years +and the development of the tennis courts, it once more came into its +own, and soon we find that it had become so popular and fashionable that +it threatened to eclipse even cricket, England's most popular outdoor +game. Then once again it lapses into neglect, not to return to the lawns +and courts again until 1874. Since that year, Lawn Tennis has steadily +risen to the ranks of the most favored social game in America and +England. In the past few years changes and improvements have been made +and as the game now stands it is truly the "king of games"--as Major +Wingfield described it more than two decades ago. + +The hostess who invites friends to a tennis game should be sure that her +courts are in good condition. It is her duty to supply the net, balls +and racquets, although some enthusiasts prefer using their own racquets. +Whether or not the hostess joins in the games herself, depends entirely +upon her personal preference, and upon convenience. Usually, however, +she is expected to play at least one set. + + +GOLF + +The fact that Pepys, in his well-known diary, tells us that he saw the +Duke of York playing golf (known then as Paille-Maille) is sufficient +evidence of the antiquity of the game. It is of Scotch origin, being +played in the Lowlands as early as 1300. The very words "caddie," +"links" and "tee" are Scotch. "Caddie" is another word for cad, but the +meaning of that word has changed considerably with the passing of the +centuries. "Link" means "a bend by the river bank," but literally means +a "ridge of land." "Tee" means a "mark on the ground." + +It seems that golfing has some strange charm from which there is no +escaping once one has experienced it. To play golf and to learn its +fascination, is to love it always and be unable to forsake it. James I +and Prince Henry his son, were ardent golfers. Charles I was also a +lover of golf, and it is related that the news of the Irish Rebellion in +1642 was brought to him while he was playing at the Links at Leith. Sir +John Foulis, Earl John of Montrose, Duncan Forbes and the Duke of +Hamilton are other notables of history, known to have been addicted to +the game. + +In 1754 a Golf Club was founded in England, pledging themselves to +compete each year for a silver cup. In 1863 another Royal Golf Club was +founded of which the Prince of Wales was elected Captain. The minutes +and records of this club reveal many interesting, and ofttimes amusing, +customs that presaged the very customs practiced by golf-lovers to-day. + +One reason why golf is so popular is that it is a sport in which old and +young can join on an equal footing. In this manner it is unlike hockey +or other similar games, where strength and training are essential. But +one must not have the impression that golf can be played once or twice, +and then known and understood thoroughly. It is the kind of game that +must be played enthusiastically and constantly; and gradually one +becomes conscious of a fascination that can hardly be found in any other +game or sport. + +There is a distinct etiquette of the links that should be known by the +hostess who plans a golfing party, and also by everyone who plays the +game. Courtesy is one of the unwritten laws of the links. It is +considered an unpardonable sin to speak or move when watching another +player make a drive. It is also unpardonable to attempt to play through +the game of persons who are ahead on the links. + + +SOME IMPORTANT RULES ABOUT GOLF + +In teeing-off, one should be quite sure that one's immediate +predecessors from the tee are at least two shots in advance. Otherwise +there is danger of injuring other players; and there is also the +confusion of driving balls among those of near-by players. If, however, +a ball is driven into the space of greensward where another player is +concentrating upon his ball an apology should be made. + +Sometimes skillful and rapid players find their progress over the links +retarded by players who are slow and inaccurate. These slow players may +be new at the game, or they may prefer to play slowly. At any rate, it +is good form for the rapid players to request that they be permitted to +play through ahead of the others; or it is still better for the slow +players themselves, when they see that they are retarding others, to +volunteer stepping aside while the others play through. A courtesy of +this kind requires cordial thanks. + +Putting is a delicate and difficult operation upon which the entire +success of the game rests. Spectators must keep this in mind when they +are on the links, and they must not stand so close to the player that +they will interfere with his concentration. It is extremely bad form to +talk, whisper or shuffle about while a player is putting, and those who +do so are revealing their lack of courtesy and of the knowledge of the +correct etiquette of sport. + + +FOOTBALL + +We feel that a word about football is necessary, not only because it is +one of the most popular American sports, but because men and women alike +enjoy watching the game. At the Yale Bowl, where some of the most +spectacular football games are played--and won--thousands of men and +women from all over the United States gather every year. + +Like all other ball games, football is based on many other games that +had their origin in medieval times. It was only after the game of +kicking the ball had been introduced in England, that it became a +distinct sport known as _football_. Since then it has flourished and +developed, until to-day it is as popular as tennis, hockey, baseball and +golf. + +Football is a strenuous game. In England it was confined largely to boys +and young men. Even in America elderly men never play the game, but that +is no reason why they cannot watch and enjoy it. + +There can be no etiquette prescribed for the players in a football game +beyond that incorporated in the rules of the game and in the general +laws of good sportsmanship. But the people who are watching the game +must observe a certain good conduct, if they wish to be considered +entirely cultured. For instance, even though the game becomes very +exciting, it is bad form to stand up on the seats and shout words of +encouragement to the players. Yet how many, who claim to be entirely +well-bred, do this very thing! + +Of course it is permissible to cheer; but it must be remembered that +there are correct and incorrect ways of cheering. Noise is noise even in +the grandstand, and your loud cheering is very likely to annoy the +people around you. A brief hand-clapping is sufficient applause for a +good play or even for a victory. It is not necessary to be boisterous. +And this holds true of the game of baseball also, when loud cheering +serves only to create confusion and disorder. + +The well-mannered person is known by his or her calm conduct and gentle +manners whether it be in the ballroom or at the football game. + + +AUTOMOBILE ETIQUETTE + +With automobiling enjoying its present universal popularity, it is +necessary to add a few paragraphs here regarding the correct automobile +etiquette. For there is an etiquette of driving, and a very definite +etiquette that must be followed by all who wish to be well-bred. + +First there are the rules by which the driver of the car must be +governed. In busy city streets, where there are no traffic regulations +to govern the reckless driver, one should drive slowly and cautiously. +It is time enough to drive speedily when the open roads of the country +are reached. But it is inconsiderate and selfish to speed one's car +along streets where children are likely to dash unexpectedly in front of +the car or where pedestrians are in danger of being thrown down. + +A very uncourteous and unkind habit is to sound one's horn wildly, for +no other reason than to frighten less fortunate people who have to walk. +The horn on the car should be used only to warn people out of the road, +or when turning a dangerous corner. It should never be used to signal +to a person that the car is waiting outside for her. + +Care should be exercised in the seating arrangement. The courteous host +and hostess take the seats in the center, leaving those on the outside +for their guests. If the host is driving, the front seat at his side is +a place of honor and should be given to a favored guest. + +The people inside the car also have some rules of good conduct to +observe. It is bad form to stand up in the car, to sing or shout, or to +be in any way boisterous. Automobile parties often speed along country +roads shouting at the top of their voices for no other reason than to +attract attention--to be noticed. The very first rule of good conduct +tells us that this is utterly ill-bred. + +It hardly seems necessary to warn the people who are out motoring, not +to throw refuse from the car on to the road. Yet we often see paper bags +and cigarette boxes hurtling through the air in the wake of some +speeding car. This is as bad form as dropping a match-stick on the +polished drawing-room floor of one's hostess or home. + + +AUTOMOBILE PARTIES + +Some hostesses plan motor trips for their guests. If it is to be a long +trip, requiring an over-night stop at a hotel, the invitations must +state clearly, but tactfully, whether they are to be guests throughout +the trip, or only while in the motor. Ordinarily, the host and hostess +pay all expenses incurred while on the trip. + +Gentlemen do not enter the car until the ladies have been comfortably +seated. Neither do they smoke in the car without asking permission to +do so. A driver, whether he be the host himself or a hired chauffeur, +should be sure that all the guests are comfortably seated before +starting. And he should drive slowly to prevent the uncomfortable +jolting that usually results when a car is driven at a great speed. + +Hostesses often provide linen dusters and goggles for those of their +guests who desire them. It is wise, also, to include a few motor +blankets, in case the weather changes and the guests become chilly. A +considerate host, or hostess, will see that the wind-shield, top and +side-curtains are adjusted to the entire comfort of all the occupants of +the car. + +The dress for an automobile party is a sports suit of some serviceable +material that will not show dust readily. The hat should be a small one +that will not interfere with the wearer's comfort. In place of a suit +one may wear a one-piece dress and a coat but one must never wear light +or flimsy materials. If there is to be an overnight stop and one wishes +to wear a dinner gown she must have it made of a stuff that will not +wrinkle easily or she must be able to make arrangements to have it +pressed. + +When the car stops and the guests descend, the gentlemen should leave +first and help the ladies to descend. If the party stops for +refreshments, the chauffeur must not be forgotten. It is a slight that +is as unforgivable and discourteous as omitting to serve a guest in +one's dining-room. The chauffeur is as much entitled to courtesy as the +other members of the party. Of course he does not expect to join the +party at their table, nor does he care to eat with the servants of the +hotel. The wisest plan is for him to be served in the regular +dining-room of the hotel, but at another table except when the hotel +has special arrangements to meet this condition. + +It is always necessary to take the guests on an automobile party back to +the place where they started from unless it is distinctly understood +from the beginning that some other plan is to be pursued. When planning +a motor party consisting of two or more cars, the hostess should be sure +to arrange her guests so that only congenial people will be in each car. +It is never good form to crowd a car with more people than it can hold +comfortably, except in an emergency. + +"Careful driving" should be the watchword of everyone who owns a motor. +Remember that the streets were not created merely for the owner of the +automobile, but for the pedestrian as well. + + +RIDING + +Horse-back riding is one of the favorite outdoor sports of men and +women. Which is as it should be, for not only is it excellent for poise +and grace, but it is splendid for the health. + +A gentleman, when riding with a woman, assists her to mount and +dismount. This is true even though a groom accompanies them. In +assisting a lady to mount her horse, the gentleman first takes the +reins, places them in her hand and then offers his right hand as a step +on which to place her foot, unless she prefers to slip her foot in the +stirrup and spring up to the saddle unassisted. In this case, it is +necessary for him only to hold the horse's head, and to give her the +reins when she is comfortably seated in the saddle. He does not mount +his own horse until she is mounted and on her way. + +It is the privilege of the woman rider to set the pace. The gentleman +follows at her side or slightly behind. He goes ahead, however, to open +gates or lower fences that are too dangerous for her to jump. In +dismounting, he again offers his aid, holding her horse and offering his +hand if it is necessary to assist her. The lady dismounts on the left +side. + +At a hunt, a gentleman must sacrifice a great deal of the sport of the +chase if there is a woman in the party under his care. He must ride very +close to her, taking the easiest way and watching out for her comfort. +It is poor form, however, for any woman to follow the hounds in a chase +unless she is an accomplished rider. Otherwise she is merely a hindrance +to the rest of the party, and especially to the man who is accompanying +her. + +Be kind to your horse. Do not exhaust it. Do not force it to climb steep +hills. Be careful of how you use your spurs. And try to remember that +good old proverb, "The best feed of a horse is his master's eye." + +Even in the most conservative communities to-day women wear breeches +instead of the heavy skirts of a short time back. The cut depends upon +the prevailing fashion but the habit should never be of flashing +material. + + +BATHING + +The etiquette of the beach has not yet been settled and the chief point +of dispute is the way a woman should dress. It is absurd for her to wear +a suit that will hamper her movements in the water but it is even worse +for her to wear a skimpy garment that makes her the observed of all +observers as she parades up and down the beach. There is no set rule as +to what kind of suit one should wear for one person can wear a thing +that makes another ridiculous if not actually vulgar. A well-bred woman +is her own best guide and she will no more offend against modesty at the +beach than she will in the drawing-room. + + +SPORTS CLOTHES IN GENERAL + +Comfort and style should be attractively combined in sports clothes with +the emphasis on comfort. Practicability should never be sacrificed to +fashion, and however beautiful they may be to look at, an automobile +coat that cannot stand dust, a bathing suit that cannot stand water and +a hiking outfit that cannot stand wear are merely ridiculous. There are +three questions that the man or woman should first ask themselves before +buying a sports outfit. First, Is it comfortable? Next, Is it practical? +And last, Is it pleasing? + + + + +PART IV + + +_I would rather have a young fellow too much than too little dressed; +the excess on that side will wear off, with a little age and reflection; +but if he is negligent at twenty, he will be a sloven at forty and +intolerable at sixty. Dress yourself fine where others are fine, and +plain where others are plain; but take care always that your clothes are +well made and fit you, for otherwise they will give you a very awkward +air._ + +--_Chesterfield._ + + + + +CHAPTER I + +SPEECH + + +One is judged first by his dress but this judgment is not final. A +better index is his speech. It is said that one can tell during a +conversation that lasts not longer than a summer shower whether or not a +man is cultivated. Often it does not take even so long, for a raucous +tone of voice and grossly ungrammatical or vulgar expressions brand a +man at once as beyond the pale of polite society. + +No point of social etiquette is quite so valuable as this one of speech. +As one goes forth he is weighed in the balance and if he is found +wanting here he is quietly dropped by refined and cultured people, and +nearly always he is left wondering why with his diamonds and his motors +and his money he yet cannot find _entrée_ into the inner circles where +he would most like to be. Money does not buy everything. If it were +possible for it to do so there would be no proverb to the effect that it +takes three generations to make a gentleman. And the proverb itself is +not more than half true. If the attitude of mind is that of one who +honestly wants to develop himself to the highest possible point, +mentally, morally, and spiritually, it can be done in much less than a +single generation. Of course, much depends upon one's definition of what +constitutes a gentleman but for the purpose of this book we mean a man +of education, high principles, honor, courtesy, and kindness. + + +CONVERSATION + +There is an old Italian proverb that says, "He who has a tongue in his +head can go all the world over." But it is not enough merely to have a +tongue in one's head. That tongue must have a certain distinct appeal +before it becomes the weapon before which all the barriers of social +success vanish. + +We have all heard the expression, "The magic power of words." Is it a +magic power? Or to be more explicit, is conversation an art or a gift? +The answer must certainly be an art, for nature never gives that which +study accomplishes. And by study you can become a master of speech--you +can make words a veritable torch, illuminating you and your +surroundings. But words alone mean very little. It is the grouping of +words, expressions, phrases; the combination of thoughts that make real +conversation. + +"In the beginning of the world," said Xanthes, "primitive man was +contented to imitate the language of the animals." But as we study the +evolution of human nature, we find that man was not long content to +imitate the sounds of the animals in the forests. He found the need to +express himself, his sensations, his thoughts, in more definite and +satisfactory manner. He wanted to share his joys with his neighbors, and +he wanted to tell others about his sorrows. And so, nature in her wise +judgment, decreed that he should speak, and in his speech should convey +his thoughts and ideas to those who listened. + +We do not think of these things to-day when we "chatter" aimlessly among +ourselves, caring little whether or not we make the most of that +wonderful power bestowed upon us. Yes, speech is a power. It is a most +effective weapon, not only to social success, but to the very success of +life, if one does not ignore the power of its influence. And that is the +purpose of the following paragraphs--to help you realize and profit by +the powers of speech and conversation. + + +THE CHARM OF CORRECT SPEECH + +It is strange, but true, that the spirit of conversation is often more +important than the ideas expressed. This is especially true in social +circles. Since speech is never used in solitude, we may take it for +granted that the spoken word is an expression of the longing for human +sympathy. Thus, it is a great accomplishment to be able to enter gently +and agreeably into the moods and feelings of others, and to cultivate +the feelings of sympathy and kindness. + +Early in the seventeenth century the _causerie_ (chat) was highly +esteemed in France. This was a meeting, at the Hotel Rambouillet, of the +great nobles, literary people, and intelligent and brilliant women of +France, gathered together for the definite purpose of conversation--of +"chatting." Among these people, representing the highest intellectual +class in France at the time, there developed the taste for daily +talks--the tendency of which was toward profound, refined and elegant +intercourse according to the standards of that day, and the criticisms +offered by the members had a certain influence on the manners and +literature of the epoch. + +Many years have passed since those days of harmonious gatherings, but we +mention them here to draw the comparison between those delightful +gatherings of long ago, and our own drawing-rooms and social circles +where brilliant men and women gather and converse on topics of immediate +interest. If one has imagination, a striking similarity can be noticed +between the two. + +There is a certain charm in correct speech, a certain beauty in correct +conversation. And it is well worth striving for. + + +COURTESY IN CONVERSATION + +A Crow Indian once said to Dr. Lowie, "You Whites show no respect to +your sisters. You talk to them." Other instances of how respect and +courtesy can be shown in conversation, is found in the traditions and +present-day practices of other countries. + +In China, for instance, a young man will not introduce into +conversation, a topic which has not already been touched upon by his +elders. On the Fiji Islands, a woman does not talk to her mother-in-law, +and among the Sioux, a young man does not talk at all unless someone +else addresses him. These signs of courtesy in conversation have a +certain distinct significance in the countries where they are practiced. + +Courtesy is the very foundation of all good conversation. Good speech +consists as much in listening politely as in talking agreeably. Someone +has said, very wisely, "A talker who monopolizes the conversation is by +common consent insufferable, and a man who regulates his choice of +topics by reference to what interests not his hearers but himself has +yet to learn the alphabet of the art." To be agreeable in conversation, +one must first learn the law of talking just enough, of listening +politely while others speak, and of speaking of that in which one's +companions are most interested. + +There was a time when bluntness of manner was excused on the ground that +the speaker was candid, frank, outspoken. People used to pride +themselves upon the fact that in their conversation they had spoken the +truth--and hurt some one. To-day there are certain recognized courtesies +of speech, and kindliness has taken the place of candidness. There is no +longer any excuse for you to say things in your conversation that will +cause discomfort or pain to anyone of your hearers. + +One should never interrupt unless there is a good reason for it and then +it should be done with apologies. It is not courteous to ask a great +many questions and personal ones are always taboo. One should be careful +not to use over and over and over again the same words and phrases and +one should not fall in the habit of asking people to repeat their +remarks. Argument should be avoided and contradicting is always +discourteous. When it seems that a heated disagreement is about to ensue +it is wise tactfully to direct the conversation into other channels as +soon as it can be done without too abrupt a turn, for to jerk the talk +from one topic to another for the obvious purpose of "switching someone +off the track" is in itself very rude. + +Let your proverb be, "Talk well, but not too much." + + +THE VOICE + +Ruskin said, "Vulgarity is indicated by coarseness of language." By +language he meant not only words and phrases, but coarseness of voice. +There can be nothing more characteristic of good breeding than a soft, +well-modulated, pleasing voice. This quotation from Demosthenes is only +another way of saying it: "As a vessel is known by the sound whether it +is cracked or not, so men are proved by their speeches whether they be +wise or foolish." + +Conversation should be lively without noise. It is not well-bred to be +demonstrative in action while speaking, to talk loudly, or to laugh +boisterously. Conversation should have less emphasis, and more +quietness, more dignified calmness. Some of us are so eager, in our +determination to be agreeable in conversation, to dominate the entire +room with our voice, that we forget the laws of good conduct. And we +wonder why people consider us bores. + +Don't be afraid to open your mouth when you talk. First know what you +want to say, be sure that it is worth saying, and then say it calmly, +confidently, _through your mouth_ and not through your nose. Too many +people talk through tightly closed teeth and then wonder why people +don't understand them. Enunciate clearly and give to your vowels and +consonants the proper resonance. + +Another mistake to avoid is rapid speaking. To talk slowly and +deliberately, is to enhance the pleasure and beauty of the conversation. +Rapidity in speech results in indistinctness, and indistinctness leads +invariably to monotony. + + +EASE IN SPEECH + +There are two languages of speech--voice and gesture. Voice appeals to +the ear, gesture to the eye. It is an agreeable combination of the two +that makes conversation pleasant. + +"A really well-bred man," a writer once said, "would speak to all kings +in the world with as little concern and as much ease as he would speak +to you." Confusion is the enemy of eloquence. Self-restraint must be +developed before one can hope to be either a good conversationalist or a +social success. To create a pleasant, harmonious atmosphere, and at the +same time to make one's ideas carry conviction, one must talk with ease +and calm assurance. + +Try to be naturally courteous and cordial in your speech. It is a +mistake to "wear your feelings on your sleeve" and resent everything +that everyone else says that does not please you. To become quickly +excited, to speak harshly and sarcastically is to sacrifice one's +dignity and ease of manner. Know what you want to say, be sure you +understand it, and when you say it, be open for criticisms or +suggestions from those around you. Do not become flustered and excited +merely because someone else does not agree with you. Remember that Homer +said, "The tongue speaks wisely when the soul is wise," and surely the +soul can be wise only when one is entirely calm, self-confident and at +peace with all the world! + + +LOCAL PHRASES AND MANNERISMS + +It is not always easy to drop the local phrases, colloquial expressions +and mannerisms to which one has been accustomed for a long time. Yet +good society does not tolerate these errors in speech. For they _are_ +errors, according to the standards of educated men and women. + +To use such phrases as "How was that" when you mean "What was that" or +"How's things" when you mean "How are you" are provincialisms which have +no place in the cultured drawing-room. One must drop _all_ bad habits of +speech before claiming the "good English which is a passport into good +society." + +Mannerisms in speech are evident in nasal expression and muffled words, +spoken through half-closed teeth. We were not meant to speak in that +unbeautiful manner, nor were we meant to gesticulate wildly as some of +our drawing-room orators persist in doing--to the amusement of everyone +else concerned. When you enter the world of good society, drop all your +colloquial phrases and mannerisms behind. + + +IMPORTANCE OF VOCABULARY + +Simple expression has the same advantage over flowery language as a +simple and artistic room has over a room filled with gaudy, inharmonious +embellishments. One is effective, the other defective. And yet to +express ideas simply and correctly, with a regard for polish and poise, +one must have a good command of the language. + +Make a resolve, right now, that you will never use a foreign word when +you can give its meaning in English. And also determine now, definitely, +that no matter how popular slang becomes in the less refined circles of +society, _you_ will never use it because you know that it is the badge +of vulgarity. There is nothing quite as beautiful as good, simple +English, when it is spoken correctly. + +To know the right word in the right place, to know its correct +pronunciation and spelling, there is nothing more valuable than a good +standard dictionary. If you haven't one--a new revised edition--get one +right away. You can not hope to become a pleasing conversationalist +until you own and use a good dictionary. + +An excellent way to increase your vocabulary and perfect your speech is +to talk less, and listen politely while others lead the conversation. +There's a lot of truth in that old maxim, "Speech is silver, but silence +is gold!" + + +INTERRUPTING THE SPEECH OF OTHERS + +It was mentioned previously that the Sioux youth does not speak until he +is first spoken to. This is also true of the young Armenian woman. She +would be horrified at the idea of addressing a woman older than herself, +unless first spoken to. Many other countries observe these courtesies of +speech, with a wholesome effect upon the general culture of the people. + +How often, here in our own country, even in the most highly cultivated +society, do we hear a man or woman carelessly interrupt the conversation +of another, perhaps an older person, without so much as an apology! It +is bad form, to say the least, but it is also distinctly rude. No person +of good breeding will interrupt the conversation of another no matter +how startling and remarkable an idea he may have. It will be just as +startling and remarkable a few minutes later, and the speaker will have +gained poise and confidence in the time that he waits for the chance to +speak. + +Whispering in company is another bad habit that must be avoided. The +drawing-room or reception room is no place for personal secrets or +hidden bits of gossip. The man or woman commits a serious breach in good +conduct by drawing one or two persons aside and whispering something to +them. + + +TACT IN CONVERSATION + +Be careful not to give too strong an expression of your likes and +dislikes. To master this important point of speech, it is wise to +examine carefully and frankly all your opinions before expressing them +in words. It is necessary that you understand yourself, before you are +able to make others understand you. + +In carrying on a conversation in a public place be sure to keep the +voice modulated and do not mention the names of people about whom you +are talking in such a way that anyone overhearing the conversation by +chance could identify them. It is best to avoid all personal talk when +one is in public. + +The person who is always trying to set other people right does not use +tact. If they wanted assistance, they would probably ask. People are +sensitive, and they do not like to have their shortcomings commented +upon by others. + +Ask questions only if you are gifted with great tact. Otherwise you are +bound to create embarrassing situations. If you do ask questions, make +them of a general character, rather than personal. But never be curious, +because people resent inquisitiveness--and rightly so, for it is a very +undesirable trait to have, and each person has a right to privacy. + +Never talk for mere talking's sake. Speak only when you have something +to say, and then talk quietly, deliberately and with sincerity. Never +criticize, antagonize or moralize--and your company will be sought by +everyone. + + +SOME IMPORTANT INFORMATION + +If you mumble over your words and have difficulty in pronouncing +clearly, you will find it a great help to talk very slowly and take deep +breaths between each two or three words. For stammering, deep breathing +is also suggested before uttering the words upon which one is most +likely to come to grief. + +Self-consciousness is the result of exaggerated humility. If you +concentrate upon what you are saying, and forget all about how you are +saying it, you will forget your shyness. Respect yourself, have +confidence in yourself--and nervousness and shyness in conversation will +vanish. + +Lisping is a matter of defective speech, and although reading aloud and +dramatic recitations help, it is best to consult a specialist if +ordinary methods fail to prevent it. Such habits as hesitation, +coughing, or groping for a word, are often forms of nervousness and a +little will-power exerted in the right direction may easily control +them. + +Above all, be simple and be sincere. Let interest in your subject lend +animation to your face and manner. Do not attempt to make yourself +appear brilliant and inspired, for you will only succeed in making +yourself ridiculous. Be modest, pleasant, agreeable and sympathetic, and +you will find that you win the immediate response of your audience, +whether it consists of two people or two hundred people. + + +WHAT TO TALK ABOUT + +In this beautiful country, filled with charming woodland scenes, +landmarks of interest, museums, schools, monuments, libraries, there is +no excuse for the man or woman who finds that he or she has "nothing to +talk about." In the newspapers every day, in books, plays, operas, even +in the advertisements and posters, there is material for interesting +conversation. + +Try it the next time you meet some friends and you find that +conversation lags. Talk about something, anything, until you get +started. Talk about the sunset you saw last night, or the little +crippled boy who was selling newspapers. As long as it is something with +a touch of human interest in it, and if you tell it with the desire to +please rather than impress, your audience will be interested in your +conversation. But to remain quiet, answering only when you are spoken +to, and allowing conversation to die each time it reaches you, is a +feature of conduct belonging only to the ignorant and dull. There are +many pleasant and agreeable things to talk about--argument and +discussion have no place in the social drawing-room--and there is no +reason why _you_ cannot find them and make use of them. + +If you are forgetful, and somewhat shy in the company of others, it +might be well to jot down and commit to memory any interesting bit of +information or news that you feel would be worthy of repetition. It may +be an interesting little story, or a clever repartee, or some amusing +incident--but whatever it is, make the appeal general. It is a mistake +to talk only about those things that interest you; when Matthew Arnold +was once asked what his favorite topic for conversation was, he +answered, "That in which my companion is most interested." + +Make that your ideal, and you can hardly help becoming an agreeable and +pleasing conversationalist. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +DRESS + + +THE FIRST IMPRESSION + +The two most important guides to one's personality are one's appearance +and one's manner of speech. Centuries of experience have shown that by +means of these one may almost without exception get at least a general +idea of the sort of person that lies back of them. + +Dress is the most important factor in the first impression. An honest +heart may beat beneath the ragged coat, a brilliant intellect may rise +above the bright checked suit and the yellow tie, the man in the shabby +suit may be a famous writer, the girl in the untidy blouse may be an +artist of great promise but as a general rule the chances are against it +and such people are dull, flat, stale, and unprofitable both to +themselves and to other people. + +Like advertising, dress should call attention not to itself but to the +person or product which it represents so that people will say, not, +"What an attractive gown!" but "What a lovely woman!" not, "What a +well-dressed man!" but, "I think I should like to know that man." + +There is more room for originality, and by the same token for +freakishness in woman's dress, and therefore the greater responsibility +is hers. Her clothes should belong to her rather than merely to the era +in which she happens to be living. This means that they must be +individual but it does not mean that they should be outlandish. Again +the golden rule of the Greeks: Moderation in all things. + +The attitude of a number of people is expressed in the old limerick: + + As for looks I know I'm no star, + There are men better looking by far; + But my face I don't mind it + For I am behind it. + It's the folks out in front that I jar. + +It is worth while now and then to think of the "folks out in front," and +pity for them, if no other feeling, should inspire one to be at all +times as well dressed as is within the compass of one's means and +ability. + + +MEN'S DRESS + +In the morning when he goes out to business a man should wear a plain +serviceable suit of the prevailing cut. If he is invited to an elaborate +morning entertainment he may wear the regular cutaway coat and the usual +accessories that go along with it. It is always best to follow the local +customs with regard to dress and it is absurd for one man to appear at a +formal morning affair in the cutaway coat when he knows that all of the +other gentlemen present will be in their simple business suits. + +For formal afternoon affairs the cutaway is worn while for dinner in the +evening full dress is prescribed as it is for any formal entertainment +which takes place after six o'clock. To informal garden parties and +other similar affairs in the afternoon during the summer, flannels may +be worn. + +There are special sporting outfits designed for the man who golfs, plays +tennis, rides or motors and the best guide to all of these is a reliable +haberdasher. It is his business to keep up with the details of dress and +since these are constantly in process of change it is obviously +impossible for a book of etiquette to lay down precise rules as to what +should be worn. + +If a man is to escort a woman he should adapt his costume to hers. If +she is to wear evening dress he should also, and if he is in doubt as to +whether she is to wear evening dress or a simpler costume, he should ask +her. In many cases it rests with the individual which shall be the order +of the day. + + +WOMEN'S DRESS + +The woman who goes to business must dress inconspicuously. Clean, +freshly laundered white shirt waists with simple dark skirts form the +best of outfits. But with laundry bills at prohibitive prices, a +substitute must be found for them for the girl in moderate +circumstances. For this reason it is more sensible to wear dark serge, +silk, or satin fashioned into severely simple frocks relieved perhaps by +white linen or organdie collars and cuffs. + +The woman who entertains at home in the morning wears a simple frock of +the sort in which she may appear on the street. Similarly, in the +afternoon unless the occasion is an elaborate one, when she may wear an +elegant reception gown or an informal tea, when she may wear one of the +exquisite creations especially designed for such occasions. + +There is a semi-evening dress which may be worn to afternoon affairs or +to dinner and to all evening entertainments except very elaborate ones. +For these a woman's gown should be _décolleté_ and should be of +beautiful material. The color and design are at the discretion of the +individual but it is well to remember that those which are simplest are +most effective. + +It is trite to remark that a woman's crowning glory is her hair, but it +is true. The manner in which it is arranged should depend upon the kind +of costume she is wearing. Only in the evening should she wear heavy +bandeaux, aigrettes, etc. + +Scattered about elsewhere in these volumes under the theater, etc., more +details are given as to the proper kind of dress to wear. Remember this: +it is always better to be underdressed than to be overdressed. + + +THE STORY OF DRESS + +It is interesting to note how closely the history of dress parallels the +history of civilization. With the awakening of shame came the virtue of +modesty. With modesty came the desire for clothes, and clothes brought +thoughts of higher ideals, wider desires than those merely of the +animal. Out of the desire to cover the body grew the love of decoration, +of beauty. Slowly, through the ages, as the love of beauty advanced and +was cultivated, an artistic sense developed which is the very flower of +our civilization. + +Perhaps the most effective way to tell the story of dress is to make +this very striking comparison. First let us go back to the time of the +prehistoric cave-woman. In her breast the first thought of shame has +stirred, and she makes for herself a covering--a dress. She makes it of +the skin of a newly killed animal. It is raw and ugly and unpleasant. +But the owner feels naught but pride in its ownership, for it is a good +skin, impervious alike to the ravages of sun and rain--and its style is +exactly like that of the other women in the tribe. + +Now let us stand for a moment on a corner of Fifth Avenue, New York's +famous avenue of fashion. We see a modern young woman on her way to the +theater. From the tips of her French-heeled slippers to the jaunty +little hat on her head, she is--perfect. Her gown seems to express in +every line the story of her own personality. The color-scheme might well +have been invented by Mother Nature herself. The wrap she wears is of +sable furs--but how different from the furs of her sister of ancient +days! Each skin is exquisitely glossed and dressed, and the whole +matched to perfection. + +Another young woman passes. She is differently attired in trig tailored +suit and smart toque. A business girl. Also perfect. And countless +others, streaming endlessly along the wide avenue, men and women, +defying in the expression of their own taste and individuality, the +decrees of fashion; interpreting silks, cottons, fabrics and furs to +harmonize with their own particular personalities, and the story of +civilization is told in the clothes they wear. + + +THE DAWN OF FASHION + +It was Cowper who said, "While the world lasts, Fashion will lead it by +the nose." And really, hasn't Fashion been a stern monarch throughout +the ages? It commanded the Chinese women to have tiny feet--and tiny +feet they had to have although it meant months of torture to the young +child. It commanded the monstrous ruff of the Elizabethan period, and +decreed dignified wigs for the gentlemen of the Colonial days. It +decided upon the mantle of the patriarch, the toga of the Roman, the fez +of the Turk. Its endless whims and vagaries made the study of dress one +of the most curious and fascinating in the world. + +How was Fashion created, you ask? To answer thoroughly, we must once +more go back to those distant cave-man days when dress itself had its +inception. At first one simple costume for both men and women +distinguished each tribe. There was nothing different in the way the +skins were thrown over the body, no embellishments to render any one +costume different from those worn by the others. Even at a relatively +late date, uniformity of dress among people of one race was like a +national characteristic; it was worn by all. + +But slowly, as the tiny beam of civilization struggled onward and +upward, there came a desire for something more than merely a protection +against cold and rain. There came a very intense desire for +ornamentation and personal adornment. Thus we find men and women in +Central Africa decorating their bodies with stripes of paint, and those +who were still more "fashionable" deforming themselves with most weird +series of cicatrices on their bodies and faces. In New Guinea we find +women who do not indulge in clothing at all, ashamed to appear in public +without bracelets on their arms and legs, and ornaments on their heads. +So intense did this love of ornament grow among women, that they began +to cover their bodies with fur, feathers, shell, beads and countless +ornaments. As late as the year 400 the primitive desire for +self-adornment is evident. In that year, it is recorded that the wife of +the Emperor Honorius died, and when her grave was reopened in 1544, the +golden tissues of her shroud were melted and amounted in weight to +thirty-six pounds. + +Men and women alike hesitated to think for themselves in those earlier +periods. Thus, instead of creating "styles" for themselves, they chose +the easier method of imitating what others wore--changing it just enough +to meet with their own requirements, to satisfy their own undeveloped +tastes. One tribe copied what another wore, changing it only slightly +according to whim. We find that man soon realized that the accumulation +of coverings on his body hindered him in his strenuous activities. It +was quite natural, then, that simplicity should dominate his attire, +while to woman was left the development of the decorative art. + +Fashion was born--and it has remained undisputed ruler ever since. + + +THE FASHIONS OF TO-DAY + +It is not so much in the Fashion of days gone by that we are interested, +but in the very delightful fashions of to-day. We all know that the love +of beauty is inherent in all women--just as the pride of personal +appearance is inherent in all men. It is a heritage brought down through +generations of slowly developing culture. And we find to-day that +Fashion is the means of expressing individuality. + +It would indeed be a Herculean task to attempt to write a discourse on +the ever-changing dictates of Fashion, on the constant whims and +vagaries of Style. Each season brings forth striking new dress +innovations--new colorings, new draperies, new lines. What is in vogue +to-day is cast aside to-morrow as "out-of-date." + +In the world of good society, dress plays an important part in the +expression of culture. There is a proper dress for afternoon wear, and +another for evening functions. There are certain costumes for the +wedding, and others for the garden fête. The gentleman wears one suit to +business, and another to dinner. Where civilization has reached its +highest point, there has dress and fashion reached its finest and most +exquisite development. + +But instinct can be carried to excess. Inherent love of beauty can be so +abused that it becomes a sign of vanity. Fashion can be made a series of +fads, and style an excuse for eccentricities. It is because men and +women, and especially women, are so eager to adopt any new style +creation offered to them by the vast army of "authorities," so impatient +always for something new, new--that the dress of to-day has earned the +censure of students of sociology. "Supply the demand" has ever been the +slogan of the producers, while they strive in every way to increase the +demand. + +And yet, the study of dress is a beautiful one. Women are never so +lovely as when they are dressed well. Men are never so attractive as +when their garments are faultless. There is something romantic in the +gown and veil of the bride, just as there is something delightfully +refreshing in the sight of a young girl daintily attired on a hot +Summer's day. There is poetry in dress, just as there is in a towering +cathedral or in a well-molded statue. + + +HARMONY IN DRESS + +One of the most important, in fact, _the_ important principle of dress +is harmony. Nature itself is a glorious example of all that is +harmonious. Picture, for instance, the delicate pansy, with its soft +blend of greens and yellows and purples. Think of the exquisite +china-aster with its pale colorings of violet and pink. And the +many-hued rainbow that glorifies the sky with a sudden brilliance. How +utterly irresistible are these harmonies of Nature, and how well we can +all profit by her example! + +The spirit of the modern dress seems to be more definitely centered +around "sensation" than harmony. We see sport skirts worn with +high-heeled shoes, pinks indulged in where navy blue or dark brown would +be more appropriate, elaborate motifs and decorations where simplicity +should have been. And we see women, priding themselves upon being +fashionable, wearing gowns that are pretty enough, but that on them are +completely out of harmony. + +The reason for this is that so many women, and men too, accept the +dictates of Fashion without stopping to determine whether or not these +new creations are suitable to their own particular type. They do not +realize that to be fashionable does not mean to follow conscientiously +every new fad, but to adjust the prevailing style to conform with the +lines of their individual faces and forms. To illustrate: it is +ridiculous for the very slim young lady to wear a severe straight-line +frock simply because it is the fashion, but she can adapt the +straight-line effect to her own figure, and add a bit of fluffiness. +Similarly, the stout woman need not wear tremendous, voluminous ruffles +and flounces because Fashion decrees that they shall be worn, but she +may gain the desired effect by using them in moderation. + +Why is it that a gown may look thoroughly beautiful on a manikin, but +have an entirely different effect when you put it on? Because you have +distinct personality, you have little peculiarities of line and +coloring that require special consideration. To select lines that +harmonize with the lines of your body, colors that harmonize with your +own coloring, and styles that harmonize with your particular type, is to +dress well and attractively. Seek harmony first--and style afterward. + + +IMPORTANCE OF COLOR + +"White was made for brides," but that is no reason why we, all of us, +cannot enjoy it in its cool daintiness, youthful simplicity. White may +always be worn--by young and old, at party and dance, in morning and +afternoon. It is, and always will be, the ideal color. + +But Fashion, in a different mood, demands many hues both soft and +brilliant. And here again, whether she dictates pale pink or vivid +scarlet, one must be guided by one's own sense of taste and harmony. + +The colors of the dress must blend with the natural colors if beauty is +to be obtained. Remarkable effects, as startlingly beautiful as the +somber afterglow of the setting sun, can be obtained by the correct use +of color. It may be contrast or harmony--but there must be a perfect +blend. + +To illustrate for a few individual types: the sallow-complexioned +brunette must never wear yellow, even though it is the favorite color of +the season, for it brings out more clearly the yellow lurking in the +sallowness of her cheeks. The person with "coal black" hair must avoid +blues, light and dark; the colors that most become her are crimson, +orange, dark red. Pink is the ideal color for the blond woman with warm +coloring; black for the woman with fair skin. Pink and green are for +youth; purple and black are for age. The other colors may be used +according to the artistic sense of the wearer. + +In selecting material for a gown, the fashionable modiste will first +consider the eyes of the lady who is to wear it. Though few but the +artist realize it, the eyes are the keynote of the entire costume. They +determine whether the dress shall be frivolous or demure, gay or somber, +vivid or soft. The color of the hair, also, is important in deciding the +color of the gown itself. The soft colors--pink, green, violet, +blue--are admirably adapted to blue eyes and light hair while the more +brilliant colors are suitable for dark eyes and black hair. + +So large a part does color play in the creating of fashions that one +must give it correspondingly careful consideration in adapting it to +one's complexion and hair. A wrong color has the alarming propensity of +marring the beauty of the most charming gown--even as the use of the +right color enhances the beauty of the most simple gown. With harmony, +style and color the gown needs only the final touch of _personality_ to +make it perfect. And it is that of which we are now going to speak. + + +THE CHARM OF PERSONALITY + +Dress is an index to character as surely as a table of contents is an +index to what a book contains. We know by looking at an over-dressed +young person, with a much-beruffled and ornamented frock, that she is +vain. We know by glancing at a young man who wears an orange tie, +checked hat, and twirls a bamboo cane, that he is inclined to be just +the least bit gay. We know by the simple dignity of an elderly woman's +dress that she is conservative and well-poised. + +In the clothes we wear we reveal to the world the story of our ideals, +our principles. If we are frivolous, our clothes show it. If we have a +sense of the artistic, our clothes show it. If we are modest, bold, vain +or proud the clothes we wear reveal it for all the world to see. + +But "Dress changes the manners," Voltaire tells us. It is true; on the +stage the "beggar" in his tattered clothes acts and speaks and looks the +part of a beggar. At dress rehearsals he plays the part to perfection, +but rehearsing in ordinary street clothes he is never quite +satisfactory. Something seems to be missing; and that something is +personality. The same is true of the rather studious young girl who is +also shy and retiring. In her somber clothes, she is perfectly content +in the gloomy solitude of her study; but dressed in a filmy little frock +of lace and net, with her hair youthfully marcelled, with buckled +slippers on her feet, she feels vaguely dissatisfied. She wants to skip +and dance and laugh and sing; if she knew psychology and the personality +in dress, she would be able to explain it to herself in this manner: +clothes so affect the mental outlook, that the wearer unconsciously +adopts the personality portrayed. + +Can you imagine a Lord Chesterton in tattered clothes, a Queen Elizabeth +in a limp calico frock, a George Washington in a conspicuously checked +suit? Unmistakable qualities of character are discernible in the clothes +we wear--and for that reason we should be particularly careful to make +them a true expression of our personality. + +Thus when you want to feel light-hearted and free from care, wear +delicate fabrics and bright hats. When you want to be thoughtful and +solemn, wear heavy clothes and large, drooping hats. Adapt your clothes +to your moods, or your moods to your clothes; but have always one ideal +in dress--yourself. + +This holds equally true of the man. When weighty business matters are to +be attended to, dark suits with correspondingly somber ties and shirts +attract the desired mood of seriousness. For less sedate, though not +less important, occasions, brighter attire makes one forget the cares of +business and assume an air of gayety. One may recline in a full-dress +suit and strive vainly for rest; but the mere putting on of a smoking +jacket brings an immediate feeling of relaxation. + +As Haliburton so pointedly said, "As soon as a person begins to dress +'loud' his manners and conversation partake of the same element." + + +GAUDINESS VERSUS GOOD TASTE + +Striking attractiveness, rather than simple good taste, seems to be the +spirit of modern dress. To see a beautiful young woman in gaudy clothes +is as disappointing as seeing a romantic old Spanish tale bound in a +cheap paper cover. + +How much more delightful is a simple frock, developed of rich materials, +and boasting only deep soft folds of the material as decoration, than an +elaborate gown with rows and rows of imitation gold lace! And yet, we +find that many of our most fashionable women, priding themselves on +having good taste, select clothes that are conspicuous and gaudy rather +than those that are simple. + +Beauty of material and excellence of workmanship should be the primary +considerations in selecting a new gown or suit. If ornament is desired, +the laws of harmony, contrast and personality should be carefully +considered. Colors must blend; there must be no weird contrasts that jar +badly on one's artistic sense. Gaudiness, after all, defeats its own +purpose, for it expresses a certain vulgarity. The desire to attract +attention has no place in the world of good breeding. + +Who wishes to be stared at, remarked upon, openly admired--if not the +ill-bred woman, the sorely uncultivated man? Good taste finds expression +in gowns that are simple, inconspicuous, yet well-cut and artistic; in +suits that are quiet, conservative and well-tailored. And the good taste +finds its reward in the genuine admiration and keen appreciation of +others. + + +"EXTRAVAGANCE THE GREATEST VULGARITY" + +That is what Dr. Crane says--Dr. Crane, who has studied manners in all +their aspects. "Extravagance is the greatest vulgarity." How true it is! +How many of us adjust the expenditure for clothes in our households, not +by what we ourselves can afford, but by what our neighbors and friends +spend! + +Fashion is a temptress. Smart gowns, exquisite hat creations, attractive +styles in bootery, all tempt us to spend more than is really quite +necessary. The extravagant woman fills her wardrobe with numerous +dresses, blouses and hats for which she has no real use. But how much +more sensible it is to have just enough for one's needs, a few stylish, +well-made garments--each one an expression of the wearer's own +personality. + +There seems to be a false impression among men and women alike, that to +be fashionable one must have a new dress for every occasion, a different +suit for every day of the week. As a matter of fact, this is an +entirely mistaken idea. Fashion is not measured by the number of suits +or dresses we have, but by the good taste we display in their selection. + +It is significant that the woman whose wardrobe is filled to +overflowing, invariably finds that she has "nothing to wear," while the +woman of taste, with her carefully selected wardrobe, always seems to be +dressed just right. + + +INAPPROPRIATENESS IN CLOTHES + +Just as there are certain laws governing the manners and conduct of +society, there are certain laws governing the uses of dress. What is +correct for the dance, is entirely incorrect for street wear. What one +wears on a shopping trip may not be worn to the theater. The gentleman +must not wear his business suit to dinner. Occasion governs costume--and +its dictates must be heeded if one would be considered both fashionable +and well-bred. + +There is, for instance, the modish young lady taking an afternoon stroll +in high-heeled satin slippers. What could be more inappropriate? Satin +slippers should be worn only with semi-evening or evening dress--never +with street clothes. Pumps with fur coats are strikingly inconsistent, +as are straw hats with winter attire, or velvet hats with dainty +summer-time frocks. True fashion does not profess to distort the +seasons, although the style authorities would often have us believe so +for their own material gain. + +Then, of course, there is the young person who is athletically inclined, +and insists on wearing sport clothes on all occasions. We see her on a +shopping tour, blissfully unaware of how ridiculous her full-pleated +skirt and loose middy appear beneath her elaborate wrap. We see her at +a tea, enthusiastic over the glories of the eighteenth hole, and +interpreting the glances of her friends at her sport shoes and bright +sweater as glances of admiration rather than disapproval. Sport clothes +are for the tennis courts, golf links, skating rinks and similar places. +They have no place at teas and receptions. + +Of the transparent blouses and silk dresses of the business woman, we +will speak later; but in drawing a comparison, we might say that they +are no more inappropriate than the eccentricities of dress assumed by +some of our women of fashion. The importance of this question warrants a +special paragraph. + + +THE ECCENTRIC DRESSER + +Many men and women, in the mistaken belief that they are expressing +personality, adopt certain peculiarities of dress. + +Eccentric dressing always attracts attention, and is therefore bordering +on the vulgar. There are, of course, many men and women who enjoy +attracting attention, who delight in being considered "different." In +such people we are not interested. It is the people of good taste that +we wish to advise against the mistake of wearing peculiar and +unconventional clothes. + +There is a very old tale related about an Egyptian queen who owned a +chain of coral, strung on a strip of dried skin from one of their sacred +animals. She gloried in the possession of it, and in order to do full +justice to it, she forbade everyone in her kingdom to wear beads. + +The man or woman of to-day who wears "different" clothes, unconventional +and in most cases unbecoming garments, is merely obeying the same vain +and selfish instinct that prompted that Queen of long ago to forbid the +wearing of beads. + +As for personality, the man or woman who cannot express it in correct, +conservative and conventional clothes, certainly cannot express it in +grotesque and eccentric ones. + + +COMFORT IN CLOTHES + +Beautiful dress alone is not enough. We may be attracted to a manikin, +but after five minutes or so it bores us. With beauty of dress there +must also be a grace and ease of manner without which no man or woman is +quite charming, for uncomfortable garments rob us of all poise and +grace. + +Think of holding a quiet, serious, calm conversation while one's foot +aches painfully because of a tight shoe! Think of sitting gravely and +patiently through a long concert while one's too-tight collar grows ever +more and more irritating, while one's narrow jacket becomes constantly +more uncomfortable! + +To be uncomfortable is to be conscious of what one is wearing; and we +know that well-dressed men and women are never conscious of clothes. +They know instinctively that they are well-dressed, and with the +knowledge comes a dignity that adds charm to the beauty of their +costumes. Thus they are able to enter whole-heartedly into conversation, +feeling neither constrained nor uncomfortable but enjoying that serene +satisfaction that comes when one is fully aware that one is +well-dressed. + +The early Romans had two distinct costumes which were worn alike by rich +and poor--one simple, flowing garment for the ordinary activities of +every-day life, and one that was also simple but a bit more decorative, +for the ceremonial occasions. Perhaps the grace and ease of manner for +which the Romans of yore were noted was due to the delightful comfort of +their dress. + +Tight shoes, extreme styles, uncomfortable wraps, coats or +suits--anything that in any way makes you conscious of what you are +wearing, should be rigidly avoided. You are truly a "slave of fashion" +if you allow yourself to suffer hours of torture merely to present an +appearance that would have been vastly more pleasing if it had been +accompanied by the graceful ease of manner of which discomfort robbed +you. + + +IF ONE IS NOT AVERAGE + +We cannot all be perfect "sixteens" or perfect "thirty-sixes." Some of +us are taller than others. Some of us are inclined to be stout. Some of +us are short, and others very slender. We all have distinct +individualities that can be marred or "starred" in the manner of dress +we adopt. + +We should all study our "good points" and wear the kind of clothes that +will emphasize them at the same time that it will conceal our defects. +Clothes have the power of magnifying imperfections. The too-stout woman +can wear dresses that will make her look twice as stout. The short man +can wear suits that make him look very much shorter. Intelligence, good +judgment and a sense of beauty will achieve remarkable results for the +man or woman who cares about his or her appearance. + +There is the very thin woman, for instance. She must avoid the severely +straight up-and-down lines that are so appropriate for other women who +are built differently. Her forte is tunics, large collars, ruffles, +overblouses and bows. Soft, filmy materials that fall in graceful lines +are especially becoming, as are checked and flowered materials. Stripes +in all forms must be strictly avoided as they accentuate the +slenderness. For the thin woman, an easy, graceful manner is most +important. When she develops such a manner, and combines it with the +fluffiest and most frilly of feminine fashions, one will see how very +charming she can be. + +The too-stout woman faces a more difficult problem. She must carefully +consider each detail of her dress, making sure that it does not in any +way accentuate her fleshiness. She must avoid the checked and +brightly-colored materials that her slender friends may wear. Long lines +should be worn, and it should be remembered that clothes without +waistlines work wonders for the stout woman--just as the coat without a +belt improves the appearance of the stout man. Such edicts of fashion as +the tight sleeve, round neck or short waist are not for the stout woman. +The ideal dress for her is one long and sweeping in line. The length of +the skirt, as well as details of style, must be adapted to her own +particular requirements. She will find that she will be much happier +(and her friends, too!) if she forgets that she is stout, and does not +constantly bewail the fact to those who are with her. It is not +deplorable to be stout, but it certainly is deplorable to dress in a +manner which emphasizes that stoutness. + + +TALL AND SHORT PEOPLE + +Tall people have a distinct advantage. They are able to wear all styles, +all colors, unless they are extremely tall. They seem to have a certain +natural grace that lends charm to whatever they wear. But there is the +too-tall person who must be careful of what he or she wears. The very +tall woman should avoid stripes as they add to her height. She must not +wear high collars, nor severely tailored blouses. The tailored suit, +however, becomes her. She should avoid bright colors and indulge a great +deal in blacks and "midnight" blues. The tall man may wear whatever he +pleases--as long as it is not conspicuous. He almost invariably presents +an imposing and dignified appearance if he is well dressed. + +Short people, especially short women, must exert special care in the +selection of their wardrobes. The short woman must select only those +gowns that have long lines, long-waisted effects. Bright colors are not +for her--except a touch here and there. Short skirts are more becoming +than long ones, just as stripes are more becoming than checks. Two +extremes that the short woman must never indulge in, are large, drooping +hats and extremely high heels. The hat cuts her height, and the heels +give her a tilted appearance. + +Whether you are tall or short, stout or slender, you have some +particular attractiveness, and you should not allow the knowledge of +your imperfections to make you timid or awkward. It needs only the +correct dress and the proper spirit of pride and dignity to accentuate +your personal charms. Remember that it is personality that +counts--personality and character--and while some of the world's +greatest personalities have been exceptionally tall, just as many of +them have been extremely short! + + +THE WELL-DRESSED WOMAN + +Someone once said there is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful +woman. A pretty sentiment, but not quite complete. We would have it +read: There is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful woman +well-dressed. + +When is a woman well-dressed? It cannot be when she is merely +fashionable, for when we glance at the fading portrait of some forgotten +ancestor, graceful in her Colonial gown with its billows and billows of +creamy white lace, we feel instinctively that she is well-dressed. And +yet, we cannot call her fashionable. It cannot be elaborate attire, for +we know that the stylish young miss in her severely tailored suit and +sailor hat is certainly well-dressed. It cannot be distinctiveness--or +individuality--for many a delightfully well-dressed young woman buys all +her frocks and suits in the shops. + +No, it is neither of these--and yet, it is all of them. The well-dressed +woman has the faculty of charming you--and yet you yourself know not +why. You know that she is well-dressed, but when she is gone you cannot +remember just what it was that she wore. You have only a faint +recollection of a perfect harmony of line and color. + +She is fashionable, yes; and elaborate, too, if the occasion warrants +it. She is distinctive, but not obviously so. But if she is truly +well-dressed, her clothes are of the best materials and the workmanship +is faultless. Style, color and line are all incidental to these two +dominating principles of dress--material and workmanship. + +The striking characteristic of the woman who is well-dressed is her +poise, her grace and ease of manner, on all occasions. She is never +self-conscious, never uncomfortable. She never is the center of +attraction because she is never conspicuous. She is simply yet smartly +dressed, graceful yet dignified, attractive yet inconspicuous. Above +all, she is _always_ well-dressed--not only on festive occasions. + +Every woman has within her the possibilities of being charming--if not +beautiful. It requires only the knowledge of correct dress, of harmony +and beauty in costume. There is, of course, the woman who insists that +she does not care at all about clothes, that she does not care how she +is dressed. But she is the exception, and we are interested in the rule. +Woman does herself an injustice by being dowdy, careless or commonplace +in dress. She puts herself at an unfair disadvantage. Charm and beauty +are the heritage of woman, and the world expects it of her. + + +NOT A SLAVE TO FASHION + +The woman who is ruled by fashion may not consider herself a +well-dressed woman. If her sense of beauty is developed, if she knows +the value of art and harmony, she will not be the slave of a stupid +mode. She will not worship at the pedestal of fashion, trembling as each +new decree is announced lest she be not among the very first to observe +it. Style does not dominate her personality; rather, her personality +dominates style. + +And after all, is it not absurd to adhere slavishly to that which is in +vogue, without attempting to adapt those modes to one's own +individuality? There is, for instance, the woman who discards an +otherwise attractive and fashionable gown merely because the sleeves are +slightly puffed instead of severely tight-fitting as the whim of Fashion +demands. She does not stop to consider that puffed sleeves are +infinitely more becoming to her. They are not the "latest"--and that +fact alone is enough to cause her to discard the gown. + +An excellent thought for the girl or woman who wishes to be +well-dressed, to remember, is: always dress as though you were going to +the photographer to have your picture taken--a picture that you are +going to leave to your children to remember you by. If you keep this in +mind, you will never wear commonplace clothes nor clothes that are +extreme in style, but you will dress with simplicity and taste, being +sure to add here and there a touch of your very own personality--perhaps +a corsage of violets to show your love of flowers, or a rare old cameo +brooch to show your reverence for the things grown old. + + +THE WELL-DRESSED MAN + +Few men realize the tremendous importance of clothes both in the social +and business worlds. The effects of dress are far-reaching--and they are +certainly no less so among men than women. + +There is the story of the man who gained admittance to the Athenaeum +Library in Boston, although he was not a member. After spending a very +pleasant morning reading, he prepared to leave. It was then that he was +attracted to a rather dowdy individual who was remonstrating indignantly +with an official at the door. "I am a member, I tell you!" he exclaimed. +"Well, you certainly don't look it," the other retorted. + +The man who had spent a morning in the library hastened away. He had not +known that use of the reading rooms was restricted to members. But no +one had questioned him, as he _looked_ the part of a member. Yet, the +man who really did belong, had to submit to the indignity of questioning +and of submitting proof, because his appearance--his clothes--did not do +justice to his position. + +We know that first impressions are the most important, especially in +business. The man whose clothes are gaudy, ill-fitting or extreme, will +find that he is not making as rapid a stride forward as his abilities +warrant. Incorrect dress is a serious handicap. In the social world, it +is not only a handicap, but a barrier. The oft-repeated Dutch proverb +may be a bit exaggerated, but it certainly has a suggestion of +truth--"Clothes Make the Man." + +And so we say to the young and the old man alike, dress well. Dress, not +as a fashion-plate, but with a regard for appropriate style--and with an +especially keen regard for fine materials and excellent workmanship. Do +not be content with an ordinary suit, but be sure that each one you wear +imparts that poise and dignity which is so essential to the true +gentleman. Your wardrobe need not be filled with suits for every day and +every occasion; but a few carefully selected garments, well-tailored and +smartly styled will earn for you the enviable distinction of "a +well-dressed man." + +One might remember, to quote once again from the proverbs of the Dutch, +that "A smart coat is a good letter of introduction." + + +THE CHARM OF OLD AGE + +Youth may not claim sole possession of charm. Old age has a charm all +its own--a silver charm that makes one think of mellowed roses, and +fading sunsets. + +A delightful gray-and-lilac grandmother, reposing quietly in the depths +of a great armchair, perhaps dreaming of a golden youth--this is a +picture that artists have long loved to paint. There is something +strangely irresistible in old age, especially when old age is +beautiful. And to make it beautiful requires only a calm assurance and +kind heart combined with clothes that are in good taste and in harmony +with one's years and personality. + +Of course, one does not expect one's grandmother to wear the same kind +of gay creations that young Miss Seventeen delights in; nor would one +expect one's grandfather to flaunt the same style of suit one's son +wears at college. The sound of rustling silk and sweeping petticoats is +one of the charms of the elderly lady--but an abbreviated skirt would +certainly make her appear ridiculous. Similarly, the elderly gentleman +finds dignity and distinction in a black frock coat, but one is inclined +to smile when he appears in the jaunty black-and-white checked Norfolk +suit that would better become his son. + +Yes, age has a charm that is well worth striving for. There is something +decidedly imposing and impressive about a handsome old man immaculately +dressed; and there are no words beautiful enough to describe the +enchantment of the silver-haired old lady in delicate colors and +fabrics, and flowing styles reminiscent of the days of powdered wigs. +Old age has its compensations; youth can never have its charming repose +and calm. + + +THE ELDERLY WOMAN + +In these days, when daughter and grandmother enjoy the same +entertainments, and attend the same affairs, the clothes of the elderly +woman are just as important as those of the younger. We shall describe +here several kinds of costumes that invariably add charm to old age, so +that grandmother may appear to advantage beside the youthful bloom of +the young girl. + +There is, for instance, the soft, wide lace fichu so becoming to the +elderly woman--but that the young miss cannot very well wear. Combined +with a dress of brocaded satin, with a full skirt that takes one back to +the days of the Quakers, the lace fichu is most attractive. Then there +is always the shadowy charm of black velvet and black lace. For the more +formal occasions when the elderly woman wishes to be particularly +well-dressed, yet not conspicuous, a dress of black velvet, with wide +frills of black Chantilly lace, makes a most appropriate costume. The +lace may be used to veil the skirt and as sleeves. + +The elderly woman may choose any dark color that becomes her--gray, dark +blue and black are perhaps the three colors most favored. There are +several light colors that are appropriate, chief among them, gray and +lavendar. Materials worn by the woman-who-is-older are taffeta, velvet, +_crêpe de chine_ and satin. She should avoid such materials as organdie, +georgette and tulle--they are meant for youth. + + +IMITATION AND OVER-DRESSING + +Two of the most common faults of elderly women are imitation and +over-dressing. Both rob old age of its charm, and the wise woman will +conscientiously avoid them. + +By imitation, we mean the following of fashions and styles meant for the +young person. We see women celebrating their fiftieth wedding +anniversaries wearing "fashionable" dresses that are in absolute discord +with their years and personality. Short skirts and straight-line +silhouettes may be perfectly all right, but they certainly do not give +to old age the imposing dignity that is its main charm. + +One instinctively respects and admires the white-haired woman whose +skirts are of a length commensurate with her age and dignity, and who +carries herself with calm poise. More than that, one _appreciates_ her. +But the woman who is growing old and insists upon keeping herself young +by wearing inappropriate and inharmonious clothes, is merely making a +farce of herself. There can be nothing more ridiculous than a woman past +fifty in gown and wrap obviously created for the young person of +seventeen. Instead of improving her appearance, the elderly woman +deprives herself of the charm that should rightfully be hers. + +As for over-dressing, it is so utterly bad form and bad taste that it +requires only passing notice. Just as simplicity enhances the beauty of +youth, so does simplicity enhance the charm of old-age. Ostentation of +any kind, jewels, bright colors, gaudy styles--all these make old age +awkward, unpresentable and unrefined. + + +THE OLDER GENTLEMAN + +One can be a good many years past fifty and still enjoy the theater, the +opera. And one can easily retain the presentable dignity of earlier days +by wearing clothes that are just as appropriate as those of those +earlier days. + +For afternoon wear the elderly man will find the black frock coat with +gray trousers most effective. He should wear white linen, wing collar +and small black tie. This costume is also appropriate for morning wear. +In the evening the gentleman always wears full dress, irrespective of +age. + +In the warmer climates, gentlemen of more mature years find keen +pleasure in the early morning and afternoon costume consisting of black +and white patterned homespun jacket, slacks and waistcoat of white +flannel, white linen and foulard tie. Black and white sport shoes and a +light panama hat complete the costume admirably. + + +A TRIP TO THE SOUTH + +Because it is the trip about which people are most in doubt when it +comes to deciding what to take along we give here below a few +suggestions about the wardrobe for a person about to start South. + +To visit the balmy sunshine of the South, is to require a wardrobe that +will harmonize with the lazy mood of the skies of Havana or Miami. Even +though the snows may have tied up traffic in one's own home town, +clothes for the Southland trip must be delicate, "summery" and flimsy. +One includes a bathing suit, too, although the lake back home is frozen +over. + +The wardrobe one takes to the South depends largely upon the duration of +the visit and the extent of one's purse. The one described here is for +the average requirements of both. + +For the mornings there must be several crisp, demure little frocks that +are easy to launder. Bright colors match bright skies, and wide sashes +are most becoming. For afternoon wear, frocks of taffeta, silk and +organdie are suggested--colorful little frocks made with a regard for +easy packing and attractiveness. Canton crêpe is a lovely material, +especially when it is of pale apricot or Nile green--and it does not +crush as easily as taffeta or organdie. A delightful frock for Southern +wear is hand-sewn voile in a soft old rose shade. With it may be worn a +large-brimmed straw hat of old rose. + +Bright sweaters, sport skirts, sport coats, blouses, oxfords--all these +are of course indispensable to the wardrobe for the southern visit. The +number of sweaters and blouses taken depends upon the length of the +visit. One should include a bathing suit, a beach coat and a brightly +colored parasol. And the smart frock for evening strolls must not be +forgotten. + +At least one elaborate evening gown, and two or three semi-evening gowns +will be necessary even if the visit to the South is a short one. And we +would heartily recommend a fluffy little evening wrap to go with the +gown. Then, of course, there are the little strapped slippers and the +low-cut sports shoes to be considered. + +One is pretty sure to be happy under the blue skies of the tropics if +one's wardrobe contains a plentiful supply of gay, colorful frocks, +blouses and sports things. But one need not postpone the visit because +clothes seem to be expensive; common sense, good judgment and a small +purse go a long way. + + +FOR THE GENTLEMAN + +Plenty of white duck trousers, white linen, light sack coats and sports +clothes are necessary for the man who winters in the South. He will find +the patterned homespun jacket very smart indeed, with slacks and +waistcoat of white flannel. This outfit may be worn with panama hat, +colored foulard tie and black and white sports shoes. + +A brown or gray flannel sack suit is convenient for Southern +wear--especially in the morning and early afternoon. It is attractive +when worn with tan oxfords, colored linen and straw hat. Flannel suits +are often worn with white oxfords, and sometimes blue serge sack jackets +with white duck trousers. + +The wise man will include a suit for motoring in his wardrobe. With it +he should include a motor cap, and a light raglan coat or a coat of +unshorn homespun. An attractive tennis jacket for Southern wear is of +blue and black striped English flannel, with a wide roll collar; worn +with white linen and white flannel trousers. White tennis shoes should +be included for wear with this outfit. + +For the afternoon, an attractive costume for the gentleman in the South +is a single-breasted jacket of diamond weave homespun, a double-breasted +vest to match, white flannel trousers and white linen. A black tie with +polka dots of white, and black and white sports shoes add just the right +note of smartness. + +A dinner jacket and full dress suit must have place in the wardrobe one +prepares for the South. Patent leather pumps should not be forgotten, +nor a silk hat for the very formal occasions. Of course, there must be +plenty of white and colored linen, and a generous supply of bright ties +and sports shoes and hose. As for bathing suit, golf togs and riding +habits, we leave these to the taste and discrimination of the gentleman +who is contemplating the visit. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE BUSINESS WOMAN + + +WOMAN IN THE BUSINESS WORLD + +There was a time, not so very long ago, when woman's activities were +confined to the home. For a woman to be actively engaged in some +business or profession of her own meant one of two things: either she +was an "old maid" or she was "queer." Naturally, the social standing of +such women was rather doubtful. + +But to-day, with the equal franchise that has given woman her +long-denied vote, she has allowed her talents and capabilities to find +outlet in other wider fields than those limited merely to the home. +There are women in law offices, women in courts as reporters and +interpreters, women in the stock exchange, women editors, women +directors--women in every conceivable branch of art, industry and +commerce. That they are succeeding, admirably so, is evident in their +social status. + +Years of blind adherence to false tradition have robbed woman of her +proper development along business lines. That explains why there is +still a difference in the business status of men and women. Then, of +course, there is the sex difference; and advanced though she prides +herself on being, woman is still considered mentally inferior--for the +simple reason that she is a woman. It may take many years of slow +development before woman is considered man's absolute equal--in +business as in politics. And until that time arrives, it behooves every +woman who is interested in the progress of womanhood, to do her little +share in hastening that glorious time of complete equality. + +One of the seemingly small, but really vital things woman can do, is to +dress so well and so wisely in business that the most exacting man can +find no excuse to condemn her as a "slave of fashion." + + +SELF-CONFIDENCE + +Poise, self-confidence, dignity--all these come with the knowledge that +one is well-dressed. The business woman cannot afford to sacrifice +self-confidence, if she wishes to make a success. Self-confidence brings +with it a certain forcefulness of manner, a certain dignity of bearing +that is convincing at the same time that it is impressive. + +And clothes play a large part in the development of this +self-confidence! Yes, clothes, for it is when one knows and feels +instinctively that one is perfectly attired, yet inconspicuous, that one +is in full command of one's thoughts and bearing. The woman who would be +a success in business, must remember that she cannot do justice to the +business of the moment, if she is wondering whether her skirt falls just +right, whether her blouse is still crisply laundered, whether the colors +she is wearing are not too bright. She becomes embarrassed, +flustered--and she fails to do justice to whatever should have been +claiming her attention. + +Recently, we read in the newspapers about a woman lawyer defending a +young man accused of murder. We read with a great deal of interest, that +she was a comparatively young woman, and inclined to be eloquent in her +speech. We read parts of her rebuttals to the court, and we tried to +picture her standing in the center of the huge room, surrounded by eager +spectators, facing the jury,--in a gown that was fashionable, becoming, +yet inappropriate and uncomfortable. We could not do it. We _knew_ that +she could never have made the impassioned appeal that freed the +defendant if she had been thinking of her clothes, rather than of the +case. We pictured her in a conservative suit, with high-necked waist, +strictly tailored throughout, and giving the appearance of being +well-dressed without anyone even stopping to think about it. Later we +were gratified to learn definitely that we were correct--this woman +lawyer who had made so tremendous a success was an extremely +conservative dresser, with simple good taste. + +Self-confidence, poise and dignity are valuable assets to have in +business. Correct dress aids materially in their development. + + +THE SLATTERN + +It hardly seems necessary in a book of this kind to speak about the +slattern. And yet, some bits of advice we can give may be of value to +some--and therefore we will not omit them. + +By a slattern we mean a woman who shows lack of care and thought in +clothing. The girl whose blouse sags is a slattern. The woman whose +dress hangs loosely and does not fit well is a slattern. The woman who +looks as though she had jumped into her clothes quickly, dashed off to +the office without glancing in the mirror, and then forgotten all about +straightening her hat and belt, is a slattern. Broadly speaking, any +woman is a slattern who is not scrupulously careful in her attire, who +does not show by her very appearance that she is well-groomed, well +cared for. + +One can be perfectly groomed with the possession of just one suit. A +girl who is planning to have an illustrious career, and who wishes to +put aside her earnings with a view towards future investments, need not +spend large sums on clothes. With one very smart, tailored suit of a +good material, and several attractive blouses, she can always look neat +and well-dressed. Satin blouses, tucked and high-necked, are excellent +for the office. A soft, fluffy little blouse of georgette transforms the +suit into a quite appropriate costume for visiting and entertaining. + +There can be no excuse for the girl or woman who does not always look +her best at business as well as when she is attending to her social +duties. And being well-dressed does not mean expensively or elaborately +dressed. Some of the best groomed women wear clothes that are striking +because of their very simplicity. + + +FOLLOWING THE FASHIONS + +Changing constantly as they do, Fashions must be followed wisely. To +adopt each new style as it is presented, stopping to question neither +its authenticity nor permanency, is to become very soon a literal "slave +of fashion." To avoid this, women of good taste adopt only those new +fashions that are conservative and not obviously "new." Anything +radically different, anything extreme, should be strictly avoided. + +The business woman should pay particular attention to the selecting of +styles for her dresses, blouses and suits. She should never select a +dress that is made with some distinct feature that may be worn for a +month or two and then discarded. She should never search among the +"fads" for her blouses, but choose instead those simple, tailored, +becoming waists that are so appropriate for business. Her suits should +always be dark in color, of excellent material, and of a style that is +amply conservative enough to be worn two seasons if necessary. + +If fashions are chosen wisely, with a regard for simplicity; if, in +fact, clothes are chosen for good cut and fine material rather than +attractive style, the business woman will soon find that she is gaining +a reputation for being at all times well-dressed. And it is a reputation +she will find valuable. + + +GAUDY ATTRACTION + +One need only step into a modern office for a moment, and glance around +at the stenographers in their thin georgette blouses and high-heeled +shoes, to realize how inappropriate gaudy, attractive clothes are in the +business atmosphere. The stenographers may continue to wear their flimsy +waists and gaudy clothes without ever feeling sorry for it, but the +business person who expects to have a worthy career, will find +ostentation in clothes, and especially gaudy display, fatally +detrimental to her ultimate success. + +There is nothing more conducive to respect, trust and honor in business +than quiet tastes--in clothes as in everything else. One instinctively +respects the young lady who is smartly attired in dark, simple clothes, +ideally adapted to the business environment. How much more sensible she +looks, how much more eager one is to trust her with confidential +information, with responsible duties, than the flippant person who wears +gaudy clothes! The wise woman will never allow bad taste to influence +her to wear bright, attractive things to business; what she lacks in +good taste and the knowledge of correct dress, she will make up in good +common sense. + +Someone once said, "There must be a reason for everything." There must +be, then, a good reason for everything we wear. And surely there can be +no reason for a bright orange georgette waist, or a finely plaited white +_crêpe de chine_ skirt worn to business. Women who wish to succeed in +business, should avoid all that is gaudy, useless and inappropriate in +dress, wearing only what is simple, becoming and neat. + + +THE BUSINESS SUIT + +The correctly-tailored, neat business suit is indispensable--as any +business woman will attest. There seems to be a dignity about a suit +that is lacking in any other business garment. Perhaps it is because of +its simplicity. + +For the woman who wishes to be tailored, we suggest the smart English +tweed suits that are always in good taste. They may be simple, belted +models with large patch pockets and straight-line jackets. Heather is a +good color, or gray or brown mixture. Worn with plain white lawn or +white batiste blouses, suits of this kind are ideal for business wear. + +Jersey suits are also appropriate, if they are developed in dark colors, +and simple styles. Loose, belted jackets are always in style, or they +may be slightly fitted at the waist. Most popular and most becoming of +all is the navy blue serge suit. It is always appropriate. It can be +worn with white or colored blouses, and always presents a neat +appearance. If it is well made and fits perfectly it will impart that +well-groomed look so important to business women. For exact style of +suit, fashion magazines or personal tailors must be consulted. + +In the summer a woman may with propriety wear simple frocks of gingham, +chambray, linen, and other washable materials. + + +THE BUSINESS DRESS AND COAT + +Dark colors and heavy materials are always better form for business +frocks than light, colorful materials. Good taste is undeniably evident +in the simple, one-piece business dress of navy blue serge or tricotine. +A bit of lace at the neck, or perhaps some touch of bright color, +relieves the sombre darkness of the dress yet does not add any undue or +inappropriate attraction. + +Please remember we are not trying to preach here, or lecture you on the +extremes of style. What we are attempting to do is merely point out for +you what is correct and incorrect to wear in business circles, and we +feel sure that you can make no mistake by following our advice. + +For instance, there is the woman who is seeking valiantly to make a +success in some line of business hitherto barred to women. Yet she wears +an expensive fur coat and attractive frocks that would be better fitted +to the dance floor. She wonders why her superiors hesitate to trust her +with important responsibilities. She does not realize that her lack of +discrimination in dress, her evident lack of knowledge of what is +correct to wear at business, has caused them to lose confidence in her. + +The business coat should be of cloth, never completely of fur unless +one's position is high enough to warrant it--and even then it should be +only of one fur, instead of a combination of two or three, and made with +a regard for simplicity and inconspicuousness. However, the most +appropriate business coat is made of a heavy cloth, plain or fur-trimmed +for winter, and light-weight, dark-colored material for the warmer days. +The hat, of course, follows the general note of simplicity and is +usually small and dark. A turban is excellent, and it is one of the few +fashions in hats that remains always popular. + + +AN APPEAL TO BUSINESS WOMEN + +It took many centuries of hammering before the portals of business and +industry and art were thrown wide open to women. Now that that has +happened it is her duty and pride to conduct herself in such a way that +there can be no regrets and vain longings for the return of the woman of +yesterday. By her manner and her dress a woman determines her place, and +the women who are careless of their appearance and careless of their +standard are the ones who are hindering the progress of women toward the +goal of perfect womanhood. + +When she enters business she must realize that she is on an equal +footing with men and she should not demand or expect privileges simply +because she is a woman. What she does and says and wears during the +hours of her social life is entirely distinct from her business life, +though, of course, she is always courteous, however hard it may be +sometimes to control herself under the grinding of the routine work at +the office. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +ON THE STREET + + +THE TRUE ETIQUETTE + +Etiquette, in its truest sense, is an exponent of _self_, rather than a +manifestation towards _others_. We do what is right and courteous +because no other behavior possibly could be consistent with our claim to +be well-bred. + +As Shakespeare has said, + + "To thine own self be true; + And it must follow as the night the day, + Thou canst not then be false to any man." + +Instinctively, and with no thought of impressing others, the well-bred +man does and says what is correct. And his manners are as polished and +cultivated in his home, at business and in public, as they are at the +most formal social functions. + +It is not enough to observe the conventions of society when you are in +the elaborate ballroom or at a fashionable dinner. You must be always, +at all times, in all places, as courteous and well-mannered as you would +be in the most impressive surroundings. The world judges you by your +manners in the street car and on the avenue just as severely as it does +in private homes and at social functions. + +Do what is correct because you are well-bred, and not because some +important person is watching you. Then you will truly be following the +rules of courtesy. + + +POISE IN PUBLIC + +"Mightiest powers by deepest calms are fed" says the proverb. And Dr. +Crane, himself a mighty power, supplements the saying by one of his +own--"The silent sun is mightier than the whirlwind." + +It is the quiet well-mannered person who inspires respect and liking. +The loud laugh bespeaks the vacant mind and noisy, boisterous conduct +has a tendency to irritate and make nervous the people who have to come +into contact with it. In public and elsewhere you are accredited with as +much refinement and gentility as your manners display--no more. + +It is a mark of extreme good breeding to be able to meet all emergencies +calmly and without uncontrolled anger or excitement. In training in the +etiquette of calm behavior, there can be no better test than that of +controlling the temper. Do not confuse this serenity of manner with +cowardice; for the calm dignity that forbids one to be ill-mannered also +forbids one to endure insolence. By learning to control the temper, one +develops that kind of poise which is undeniably one of the greatest +assets in the social and business worlds. + + +THE CHARM OF COURTESY + +Real culture has a tendency to avoid excessive individuality. Instead, +it requires that all people be treated with equal courtesy, whether they +are strangers in the street of friends in the drawing-room. And it is +this very charm of courtesy that has made etiquette so important a +factor in civilization. + +"All doors open to courtesy," the proverbs tell us. The "general public" +so sadly abused in book and speech, is quick to recognize courtesy and +eager to respond to it. Before a pleasant face and a courteous manner, +all obstacles vanish, and we find ourselves progressing easily through +the world, making friends as we go. + +Some of us vainly pride ourselves upon being frank and candid in our +association with others. This is a serious blunder which many men and +women make. It is not commendable to be frank, when courtesy is +sacrificed. Be truthful and just, but do not be unkind. And it certainly +is unkind to repeat bits of gossip or scandal, unless there is a special +reason why it should be done. How much better it is to gain the +reputation of being considerate than the reputation of being brutally +frank! + +There are countless trifling tests of good manners that distinguish the +well-bred. And these same tests prove that a careful attention to the +rights and comforts of others, is one of the most decided marks of good +breeding. For instance, at the postoffice one can immediately discern +the well-bred man. He stands quietly in line until there is room for him +at the window. He does not crowd. He does not attempt to push ahead of +others to reach the window before his turn. He does not interfere with +other people's business; he would be horrified at the thought of +deliberately loitering near a window to overhear the private affairs of +some other man. He is quiet, unobtrusive and considerate, moving quickly +away from the window for the next person's convenience. In manner and +speech, he is essentially _courteous_. + +It is impossible to be a lady or gentleman without _gentle_ manners. And +it is impossible to have gentle manners without being _courteous_. The +word "courtesy" to-day should carry the same meaning of beauty and +charm that the word "chivalry" did in the eighteenth and nineteenth +centuries. + + +LADIES AND GENTLEMEN + +There was a time, not so long ago, when a most marked reserve was +required between men and women in public. But to-day, with the advent of +women into almost every branch of business, art and profession, there is +a tendency to loosen this social barrier and create a more friendly +relationship between men and women. The stiff formalities of a decade +ago have given way to a much more pleasing social harmony and +understanding. + +"Etiquette requires that the association of men and women in refined +circles shall be frank without freedom, friendly without familiarity" +declares a recent writer on good manners. There is no longer need for +the strained reserve formerly felt when women were in the company of men +in public. If the correct rules of etiquette are observed, and courtesy +and poise follow in their wake, the man and woman in public may be as +entirely at ease and unrestrained as they would be in a drawing-room or +at an informal dinner. + +American gentlemen have the reputation of being more chivalrous than the +gentlemen of any other country. American ladies are acclaimed the most +charming and intelligent in the world. Thus, when the speaker on the +platform addresses the public audience as "Ladies and Gentlemen" the +expression should mean something more than merely a careless formality. + + +WHEN TO BOW IN PUBLIC + +To bow or not to bow is often a puzzling question! Some authorities on +etiquette claim that "it is correct to bow first to a person of higher +social position." Others assert that social position has nothing to do +with it, and that it is age alone that determines who shall bow first. +The question devolves upon several very important rules that should be +rigidly observed. + +The first, and invariable rule, is that the woman always bows first when +meeting men acquaintances. Her bow assumes the proportions of a simple +greeting; the head is slightly inclined, she looks directly at the man +recognized, and smiles cordially. To the woman, therefore, is given the +privilege of recognizing or refusing to recognize a man acquaintance. +However, the really well-bred woman will never ignore in public a +person, man or woman, with whom she has had even a slight +acquaintance--unless she has a very good reason to do so. + +Two young women meeting in public greet each other with a certain degree +of spontaneity which consequently eliminates any question regarding the +first bow. But when one of the women is married and the other unmarried, +the first bow invariably comes from the former. Younger people, of the +same sex, always wait for the first sign of recognition from the older +person. + +Young women who are dance partners or partners at the dinner table with +men who are not personal friends, incur the social obligation of bowing +courteously when chance meetings are made in public, even though there +is no desire to continue social acquaintanceship. Also, when a man or +woman has been invited to an entertainment at a house through the good +offices of a friend of the hostess, he or she must wait to receive first +recognition from that hostess when meeting in public. + +Gentlemen meeting each other in public observe the same rule as that +outlined for two women,--the younger waits for first recognition from +the elder. If both are of the same age, the question of first bow is +unimportant. People meeting often during the day need not bow +elaborately each time; a simple smile or glance of recognition is +sufficient. + +It is extremely rude and unkind to "cut" an acquaintance publicly by +staring coldly in response to a courteous bow and smile. There are so +many more dignified methods of terminating an undesirable +acquaintanceship. It is necessary only to keep one's eyes averted, +persistently but not obviously if one wishes to avoid greeting an +undesirable acquaintance. Or if one wishes one may bow with extreme +formality, but a bow and smile in public should always receive some kind +of acknowledgement, no matter how severely formal. + + +WALKING IN PUBLIC + +First in importance to remember when walking in public is poise and +balance of bearing. The expression "the _débutante's_ slouch" is a +direct result of the lazy manner of walking recently adopted by a number +of young women. Aside from its bad effect upon health, this manner of +walking is both ungraceful and unattractive. Men and women both should +remember that an erect, well-poised bearing is more impressive than the +most elaborate costume. + +A lady does not take a gentleman's arm when walking with him in the +daytime unless she is elderly or infirm. It is only after dark that she +properly accepts the support of her escort. In this case, she merely +rests the palm of her hand lightly within the curve of his elbow. It is +extremely bad form, as well as ungraceful, for her to link her arm +through his. The gentleman always walks nearest the curb unless on a +special occasion when the street is very crowded and he wishes to +protect her from the jostling crowds. He may offer his arm to the lady +in crossing dangerous streets or to guide her through congested traffic. + +When walking with two ladies, a gentleman's proper position is not +between them; if it is in the evening, he offers his arm to the elder +lady and the other friend walks by her side. There seems to be a +mistaken belief that a gentleman walking with two ladies must "sandwich" +himself between them, but correct social usage teaches that this is +entirely wrong. The ladies always walk side by side. + +On no occasion may a gentleman take a woman's arm. Good society regards +this as a disrespectful freedom. Thus, whenever he feels that she needs +his protection, a gentleman should offer a lady his arm, but never +attempt to thrust his hand through her arm. It is not even correct for +him to grasp her by the elbow (as so many young men insist upon doing!) +when crossing a street. + + +STOPPING FOR A CHAT + +Very often we meet, in the course of our daily strolls, old friends or +acquaintances with whom we are eager to have a little chat. This is +entirely permissible, if certain laws of good conduct are observed. One +should never stop on the street to talk, but should walk on slowly with +the person with whom one wishes to converse. + +Remember that primarily all conduct in public should be characterized by +reserve. While it is entirely allowable to call a jolly "Hello!" to a +friend one meets in a country lane, even though one still is fifty rods +away, it would be extremely bad form on Broadway or Fifth Avenue--or +Main Street in any town. A cordial but quiet greeting shows good +breeding; a greeting so conspicuous that it attracts attention is never +in good form. + +Conversation should be carried on in quiet and subdued tones. Above all, +be natural in your speech. Do not attempt to be flowery in your +language, or "different" merely because there are strangers around to +hear--and admire. And if you do stop to converse with your old friend, +be sure that you speak sensibly of things of mutual interest; there is +no excuse to stop merely for the sake of exchanging inanities. + +Whispering is as rude in public as it is in the ballroom or at the +dinner table. Confidential business should not be discussed on the +street or in the department store; the proper place for such private +affairs is in the office or parlor. + +If addressed by a stranger seeking information regarding a certain +street or number, show a cheerful and kindly interest. It is perplexing +and often embarrassing to be in an unfamiliar town or country, and +whatever information you give should be in an interested and courteous +manner. + +Someone once said, "If you must do a thing, do it with all your heart. +To do it half-heartedly is to rob it of all its charm." Let this be your +motto in regard to the courtesy extended strangers who seek your aid. + + +WHEN ACCIDENTS HAPPEN + +Gibbon said, "Accident is commonly the parent of disorder." But where +there are only people of culture and fine breeding, an accident is +devoid of all haste, hysteria or other indications of disorder of any +kind. It is the final test of correct manners, this being able to +conduct oneself with calmness and dignity even in moments of most +distracting circumstances. And besides its cultural aspects, calmness in +time of danger or accident is often the means of saving lives. + +The rules of good breeding are nothing more than the rules of good sense +and these are never put to a more severe test than when an accident +occurs. The person who can keep his head during a fire will be much more +likely to get out of the building than one who loses all control of +himself and becomes hysterical. Presence of mind when someone faints or +is hurt or is in danger often prevents a serious or fatal mishap and +always eliminates a large part of the disorder incidental to such +occasions. + +When an automobile or railroad disaster occurs, it is the calm person +who is most helpful. And surely helpfulness is one of the basic terms of +good conduct everywhere. + + +ACCEPTING COURTESIES FROM STRANGERS + +Ella Wheeler Wilcox, writing about etiquette, said "Etiquette is another +name for kind thought. The man who says 'I know nothing about etiquette' +does not realize that he is saying 'I know nothing about courtesy to my +fellow beings.'" One of the reasons why America has truly been the land +of golden promise to so many strangers from other shores, is that there +are always so many men and women eager to help, eager to show those +little courtesies that warm the heart and rekindle the dying spirit. +Etiquette and courtesy are synonymous. + +But it is not alone with the giving of courtesies that we are +interested. It is important that we know the correct way to accept +them. And it is particularly important that we know the correct way to +accept courtesies extended to us in public. There can be nothing more +discouraging to the lover of social etiquette than to see a man give up +his seat in the car to a woman who accepts it without a word of thanks +or a smile. + +The question has often been asked whether or not it is correct for a +woman to accept the offer of shelter of an umbrella offered her by a +gentleman who is a perfect stranger. To settle this definitely, we say +that it is absolutely bad form for a woman to accept this courtesy no +matter how hard it is raining and how important the need of saving her +clothes may be. She may, however, accept the courtesy if it is offered +by a gentleman to whom she has been introduced at a dinner, dance, +theater party, or other social function. + +If a woman drops her bag or gloves and they are retrieved by a passing +man, it is necessary only to smile and say "Thank you." No further +conversation is permissible. But if a man saves her from some grave +danger, such as being thrown down by a horse, or run over by a car, it +is not only necessary for her to thank him but the woman should ask, +"May I have the pleasure of knowing to whom I am indebted?" To offer +further expression of her obligation the woman would later send some +male member of her family, a brother or husband, to the home of the man +who has been of service to her. She should never offer money in +appreciation of the service, unless it is evident that he is a working +man; and even then she should use tact. + +Such courtesies as assisting to pick up bundles that have dropped to the +ground, opening a door that has stuck or giving desired information, +require only the conventional "Thank you." No courtesy, however slight, +should be accepted without evidence of gratification, even though it be +but a slight smile. + + +RAISING THE HAT + +When bowing to a woman or in acknowledgment of a greeting, when walking +with a woman and bowing to another man of his acquaintance, a gentleman +raises his hat. Similarly, when bowing to a man who is accompanied by a +woman, the courtesy is observed and also when a man is walking with +another man who lifts his hat in greetings to a friend, whether or not +that friend is known to him personally. The hat is also raised whenever +a gentleman offers a civility to a lady, whether she be friend or +stranger. + +Elderly men, superiors in office, clergymen and men of distinction are +entitled to the courtesy of lifting the hat. "Hat in hand goes through +the land" say the Germans. And "Cap in hand never did any harm" is the +gem we find among the Italian proverbs. When in doubt, raise your hat. +Surely it is better to be too polite (if such a thing were possible) +than to be rudely discourteous to someone. + +The question of whether or not the hat should be removed in the elevator +is perplexing. Some contend that the elevator is the same as a small +room in a private home, and therefore that the hat should be removed. +Others just as positively declare that the elevator is the same as the +street, and that it is unnecessary to raise the hat. The question of +drafts and colds in the head have entered into the discussion--but +ultimately all writers of etiquette reach the same conclusion: as the +elevator is so small and boasts a ceiling, it may be considered in the +same class as a room, and the polite man will keep his head +uncovered--especially while there are women in it. The man who is very +susceptible to colds may lift his hat upon entering the car and replace +it immediately. But it is not courteous to retain the hat entirely. + + +HOW TO RAISE THE HAT + +It is not enough to know when to raise the hat, one must also know the +accepted manner of doing it. Profound and elaborate bows are +old-fashioned and un-American. While lifting the hat one should incline +the head slightly and smile. But it must be remembered that the +unmannerly habit of touching the hat, instead of lifting it is an +indication of sheer laziness and a lack of gallantry. + +"A hat raised half-heartedly is a courtesy without charm" is a proverb +well worth remembering. Why raise your hat at all, if you do it only as +an annoying duty that must be gotten over as quickly as possible? If you +want to be courteous and polite show by your manner that you _are_ +polite. A graceful lifting of the hat is entirely incompatible with an +unsmiling face. But both together--a sincere smile and a graceful +lifting of the hat--are most pleasing to the person for whom the +greeting is intended. + +Many gentlemen, while speaking to ladies in the street, stand with their +heads uncovered. While it is a polite custom, it is dangerous to the +health and therefore should not be indulged in except in warm weather. +The most usual method is to lift the hat upon meeting, slowly replace it +during the conversation or while walking beside the lady, and lift it +again when taking leave of her. + + +IN THE STREET CAR + +"The world is on wheels!" declares a modern writer. "Everyone is going +somewhere, and all the world is moving!" And Dr. Eliot of Harvard, in a +recent newspaper article, deplores the fact that the "younger +generation" is losing in courtesy and good manners that which it is +gaining in this rapid onward rush of the world's affairs. + +"There is a general coarsening of manners" declares the president +emeritus of Harvard University. "Young women expect to encounter +rudeness from young men and they do not resent it" and when one watches +the rough-and-tumble manners of people in subways and street cars every +day one is inclined to agree with him. + +The custom of relinquishing one's seat, for instance, is not as marked +as it was a decade ago. Perhaps the new suffrage amendments may have +something to do with it. Perhaps the war and woman's changed status is +the reason. Or it may just be a "coarsening of manners." But whatever it +is, we do not find our young men of to-day as eager to relinquish their +seats in the car as they were several years ago. + +Women should never indicate by word or glance that they wish a man to +give up his seat. But the woman who is ill, or who is extremely tired +should feel no hesitancy in making the request if her need is really +great. When the seat is given, the owner should be thanked for his +kindness. This holds true whether the courtesy has been requested or +whether it has been spontaneous. + +Boisterous action in the street car is inexcusable--as it is anywhere +else. The girl of mirthful disposition who laughs loudly may not be +doing it to attract attention to herself but merely to give vent to her +gay spirits, but it is most unattractive. "All noise is waste"--but it +is more than waste in public where it reflects ill-breeding upon the +person who is the perpetrator. + + +ENTERING THE CAR + +In ascending a car on an omnibus, a man assists the woman he is +escorting by a slight touch at the elbow. He enters after her, finding +her a seat and taking his place next to her. If there is only one empty +place in the car, he stands directly in front of her, or as near as +possible. If a man relinquishes his seat to the woman, the escort must +lift his hat and offer a word of thanks for the kindness. A smile from +the woman is sufficient. In leaving the car the order is reversed; the +gentleman leaves first and assists the woman in alighting. + +A man pays all fares and fees for the woman he is escorting. But when a +man meets a woman in the street by chance and they both enter a car +together, he is not under obligation to pay her fare. Common sense has +made a rule of its own in this matter, and some men insist upon paying +the fare of women they meet even inside the car. But etiquette tells us +that only an escort is under obligation to pay the fare of a woman. + + +IN THE TAXICAB + +Here again the woman enters first, assisted by her escort. There is no +rule as to which side she should take in the car; she enters first and +takes the furthest seat, whether it be to the right or left. In +alighting the man again leads the way, assisting the woman to reach the +ground safely. + +A word of caution will not be amiss here. No woman or girl should ride +in a taxicab with a man who is not her escort, unless she has a very +good reason for doing so. It is not conventional, and in most cases it +is not prudent. The woman with a fine regard for all the little niceties +of good conduct, who wishes to observe the rules of etiquette in their +truest sense, does not ride in a taxicab with a man, and allow him to +pay the bill, unless he is acting as her escort. And ordinarily, a +gentleman of polished manners does not ask a lady to ride with him +unless he is taking her to a social function such as a dance, formal +dinner or theater party. + +If the taxicab has double seats, the man should take his place with his +back facing the driver, unless he is an old friend of many years' +standing. A new acquaintance should not take the liberty of sharing a +seat in the taxicab with a young woman unless she has particularly asked +him to do so. + + +SOME SOCIAL ERRORS + +Reserve should not be confused with haughtiness. The first is a +necessary social attribute; the second is a regrettable social evil that +should be carefully avoided. + +To be haughty, proud, superior, is to indicate that you hold those +beneath you in contempt. When etiquette is based on courtesy and a +consideration for the rights and comforts of a fellow-man, one readily +sees why this is a mistake. A haughty person is a conceited person. A +haughty person is an unkind person. And therefore, a haughty person is +an uncultured person. + +Reserve, on the other hand, is a calm dignity that comes with the +knowledge that one does and says only what is entirely correct. It is +that certain well-poised sureness of oneself entirely devoid of all +semblance of pride,--yet with sufficient self-respect to attract +instinctively the respect of others. Reserve is that which is developed +only after close application to, and experience in, the laws of good +conduct. Haughtiness is merely a sham drapery used to cover the defects +of uncultured manners. + +The other extreme of haughtiness is self-consciousness. Both faults are +the result of too much self-thought. To overcome self-consciousness, +which makes you awkward, easily embarrassed, and ill at ease--think less +of yourself! Think of the books you have read, of the people you have +met, of the new scenes you have observed. Take a more keen interest in +people. Speak to them. Don't be afraid of them. But most important of +all, forget yourself. And before you realize it, you will have developed +sufficient poise and _unself-consciousness_ to be confident to appear in +the most elaborate drawing-room, among the most brilliant and highly +cultured people, without feeling the least bit ill at ease. + +"Our personal appearance is our show window where we insert what we have +for sale, and we are judged by what we put there." If you remember to +observe this bit of philosophy of Orison S. Marden's--not only in dress, +but in speech and manners and bearing--you will invariably do and say +and wear what is correct in public. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +AT THE THEATER AND THE OPERA + + +DRESS AT THE THEATER AND OPERA + +For a matinee a simple street dress of a dark material is appropriate +except during the summer months when one may wear dainty fabrics and +light colors. + +In the evening if one is to sit in a box one should wear evening dress, +not so elaborate, however, as that worn at a ball or dance. If one is to +sit in the orchestra full or semi-evening attire is appropriate but in +the cheaper seats such attire is out of order. Plain street dress should +be worn. + + +ENTERING THE THEATER + +There is one law of good conduct that cannot be over-emphasized--and +that is the law of making oneself inconspicuous. A man or woman who is +the "center of attraction" when the occasion does not merit it, cannot +claim the distinction of being entirely well-bred. There seems to be a +certain dignified simplicity and modesty in dress, speech and behavior +that distinguishes well-bred people and enables them to move with ease +and unconscious grace among people of every status and position. + + +ARRIVING LATE + +Whether it be the theater, opera, lecture or some other public +entertainment, it is exceedingly bad form to arrive late. People who are +considerate always make it a point to arrive five or ten minutes before +the hour set for the performance. + +When one is unavoidably detained and reaches the theater after the +curtain has been raised, it is polite to remain at the rear of the +auditorium until the first intermission. It is permissible to take one's +place quickly and quietly while the audience is applauding; but it is +rude and inconsiderate to attempt to find your place while the +performers are on the stage and the attention of the audience has been +fixed. + +It is good form for the man or woman who arrives late to excuse himself +or herself to the people who are disturbed while the vacant place is +being reached. One may say, "I am sorry to disturb you," or, "Pardon +me." Those who are seated should rise to allow passage if the place is +very narrow, but if there is sufficient room for them to pass without +stumbling it is better for those who are already seated to keep their +places, drawing aside to facilitate matters for the new-comers. + + +ABOUT WRAPS + +It is customary for a woman to slip off her wrap in the lobby and carry +it on her arm to her place, where it may either be placed over the back +of her chair or folded in her lap. Some big theaters now have checking +rooms for women, where wraps may be left until after the performance. +Other theaters arrange for a wrap-checking service in the ladies' +dressing-room. Individual preference must decide whether the wrap shall +be checked or kept with one. But to stand up after the play has begun, +and leisurely divest oneself of one's wraps, is a breach of good +manners. If her wrap is a light one a woman may keep it on until she is +seated and then slip it off her shoulders and let it fall over the back +of her chair. + +Hat and veil are usually removed after one has been comfortably seated. +Or, if one prefers, they may be checked in the dressing-room. In the +evening, when _décolleté_ is worn with an evening veil and no hat, the +veil may be dropped over the shoulders and kept throughout the evening. + +A very common fault is to begin to put on wraps and hats before the +performance is over. This is rude to the performers and unjust to the +people around you. Wraps should not be touched until the curtain has +fallen for the last time, even though one is anxious to leave. +Politeness is a vital law of good conduct, and certainly nothing could +be more impolite than to interrupt an actor or lecturer by fussing with +clothing. + +Gentlemen usually check their hats and coats in the lobby; otherwise +they remove them both before taking their places. The hat is deposited +under the chair, and the coat may either be folded and placed over the +knees, or over the back of the seat. + + +ORDER OF PRECEDENCE + +There seems to be some doubt as to the correct order of precedence upon +entering and leaving the theater or concert hall. Some authorities on +etiquette claim that the correct order is for the usher to lead the way +to the seats, the lady following immediately behind him, and after the +lady, her escort. But more modern usage has changed this order of +precedence. + +To-day it is correct for the usher to lead the way, a few feet ahead of +the gentleman. Immediately behind the gentleman follows the lady. The +reason for this change is that it enables the gentleman to stop before +their places and hand the lady to her seat. Otherwise this duty devolves +upon the usher. However, as the lady precedes the gentleman in almost +everything else, it is safe to assume that both methods of precedence +given above are correct. + +One thing is certain--it is absolutely incorrect for lady and gentleman +to walk down the aisle together, arm in arm. + + +BEFORE THE PLAY + +Upon entering a theater or concert hall a few moments before the curtain +is drawn, one becomes immediately conscious of the gentle buzz of voices +throughout the audience. While it is entirely permissible to carry on a +conversation before the play begins, it is most offensive to those who +are sitting near for one to act in a noisy, conspicuous manner. Low +tones are a mark of cultivation. As a matter of fact, loud noise of any +kind is an exhibition of thoughtlessness, and it can be so easily +avoided by a little caution. + +Another reprehensible habit often indulged in before the play is that of +standing up and glancing around one in the search of a familiar face, +then nodding and smiling conspicuously to a friend in some other part of +the auditorium. After having once been seated one should remain so, +instead of rising and disturbing others. It is merely a form of vanity +to search for friends among the audience and endeavor to attract their +attention. + +A certain gayety of manner is, of course, in harmony with the occasion, +but it should be the kind of gayety that is under control. It is +commendable to be smiling and cheerful--but be careful that you do not +laugh boisterously or talk loudly. + + +WHEN THE CURTAIN IS DRAWN + +The first chord of the orchestra should be the sign for absolute quiet +in the theater. There can be nothing quite as rude as continuing a +conversation while the musicians are doing their best to entertain you. + +Usually, when the orchestra begins, programs are hastily opened and +scanned. This causes an unpleasant rustling sound that mars the effect +of the music and is sometimes very disturbing to music-lovers who are +sitting near you. The time to glance through the program is while you +are waiting for the play to begin, and before the musicians have taken +their places. Then it should not be referred to again until during +intermission. + +People who arrive while the orchestra is playing should be particularly +quiet. Care should be taken that chairs are not clattered or allowed to +drop noisily. + + +DURING THE PERFORMANCE + +It hardly seems necessary to say that talking or continued whispering +during a performance is ill-bred and rude. Young people are most at +fault in this matter. They must learn to curb their enthusiasms and +criticisms until after the performance or during the intermissions. + +"The _intelligent_ listener never interrupts" declares an eminent +authority. Complete quiet should be maintained during a performance or +concert; all talking or whispering is interruption. Beating time to the +music, whistling or rustling programs are also unmannerly. + +If anyone near you is inconsiderate enough to talk or hum during the +performance, it is entirely proper to turn and in quiet tones request +that he or she be more quiet. It is necessary, though that you do not +speak in a curt or offensive manner that will cause antagonism on the +part of the stranger. A kind request always meets with an immediate +response. You might say, "Pardon me. Do you mind speaking a little +lower?" or "Would you mind speaking more quietly?" It is polite, also, +to offer a reason, as "I cannot hear very well. Will you please speak +more softly?" If the person thus addressed complies with your request +and answers you politely, you should acknowledge it with a very +courteous "Thank you." But there should be no further conversation +during the performance. + + +THE OFFENDING HAT + +The polite woman removes her hat as soon as she is comfortably seated. +To wear a hat that obstructs the view of the people behind is +inconsiderate--and anything that is inconsiderate is also ill-bred. + +If you find that it is necessary to ask the woman sitting before you to +remove her hat, be sure that you couch your request in terms of careful +politeness. This is very important. The cultured man or woman is polite +at all times, and especially so when reminding someone of a politeness +that has been overlooked. It should be remembered that a hearty smile +and a friendly manner go a long way in winning a similar response. + +"Pardon me, madam, but may I ask that you remove your hat?" is the form +usually used. But a better way is to offer some explanation, as, "I am +sorry to disturb you, but your hat is in my way. Will you kindly remove +it?" The simple form "Will you please remove your hat?" is sufficient if +it is accompanied by a pleasant smile. But under no circumstances is a +curt, "Take off your hat" permissible. If one hesitates to speak to a +stranger he or she may call the usher and request him to ask the +offender to remove her hat. + +The woman thus addressed may, upon complying with the request, either +smile and remain silent, or say simply, "Yes, indeed." Other forms +frequently used are "Certainly," "I am sorry," or, "Pardon me." The two +latter forms are perhaps the best, for they indicate that the offender +realizes her lack of politeness and is sorry. + + +APPLAUSE + +Clapping hands is a natural language of delight. Very young infants clap +their hands when they are happy. Children clap their hands to express +their pleasure. And older people clap their hands to show appreciation +and enjoyment. + +But stamping of feet, whistling, or noisy acclamation of any kind is bad +form. This may seem superfluous in a book of etiquette, but it is +surprising how many otherwise cultured men stamp noisily or whistle when +something said or done upon the stage particularly pleases them. + +Ill-timed or continual applause is disturbing to performers and audience +alike. Indiscriminate hand-clapping is not only annoying, but reflects +poor judgment upon the offender. When you feel that an actor or lecturer +merits applause, give him a short and hearty hand-clapping, but do not +make the mistake of clapping noisily and excessively each time the +opportunity presents itself. + +It should be particularly remembered that ill-timed applause hinders the +progress of the performers. + + +DURING INTERMISSION + +At a theater party, when there are several men and women in the party, +the men may take advantage of the intermission to leave their places for +a few moments. But they must not indulge in this privilege more than +once during a performance, if they wish to be polite and considerate to +the ladies. And they should not go without excusing themselves to the +ladies whom they are escorting. + +When a young man and woman are together, it is the height of +ill-breeding for him to leave her alone during intermission. If he +wishes water or candy or programs, the usher will attend to it for him. +He must not leave the lady alone unless she requests him to get +something for her. A gentleman alone may, of course, come and go as he +pleases during intermission. + +If one must walk past strangers to leave one's seat for intermission, or +if one wishes to leave before the performance is over, a courteous +apology must be made to the people who are disturbed. "I beg your +pardon," or, "May I trouble you to pass?" are the forms most frequently +used. When the aisle is reached, it is polite to acknowledge the +obligation by smiling and saying, "Thank you." + +[Illustration: + +Photo by George H. Davis, Jr. Courtesy of the _Woman's Home Companion_. + +THE BUFFET LUNCH + +The informality of the buffet lunch permits the use of paper napkins but +the hostess may use linen ones if she prefers] + +During intermission it is permissible to step across the aisle or into +another box to greet a friend. Often introductions are made, but they +are not formal and need not gain future recognition. As soon as the +curtain begins to rise, the caller must return to his own place. + + +LEAVING THE THEATER + +If you wish your acquaintances to recognize your charm and cultivation, +you should conduct yourself at the conclusion of the performance with +the same quiet dignity that you observed when you entered the theater +and while you were waiting for it to begin. Speak in low tones, smile +but do not laugh, discuss the play but do it in so quiet a manner that +no one but your companion will hear you. It is bad form to gather in +small groups and discuss the play in loud tones. Leave the theater as +quickly as possible. The attendants are waiting to close it. + +It usually takes a long time for a large theater to be emptied because +many inconsiderate people block the aisles and loiter at the rear of the +auditorium. As soon as the curtain has fallen for the last time, gather +your wraps together, slip them on if it is convenient and move quickly +down the aisle to the rear. Then pass quickly out of the theater and out +of the way. But if you still carry your wraps, you may either go to the +dressing-room or remain a moment or two in the lobby until you have +arranged them. + +Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage." If this is true, do we not +owe the stage the same courtesy, respect and honor that we owe the world +of fellow-men? Be as well-mannered and courteous at the theater and +opera as you would in the most fastidious drawing-room. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +HOTEL ETIQUETTE + + +AT THE HOTEL + +There is a very distinct code of ethics by which the lady and gentleman +must be governed when stopping at a hotel. It is a mistaken idea that +one may act as one pleases, merely because the hotel is public. But it +is as important to remember one's social obligations as it is in the +home of a friend. + +Indeed, the hotel is one place where men and women are most likely to +make embarrassing blunders and commit humiliating mistakes. This is +especially true of the man or woman from a small town who stops for a +day or two at a big hotel in the city. Only by knowing thoroughly the +laws of good conduct, as adapted to hotel life, can one expect to move +smoothly and with ease through its often puzzling social intricacies. + +At home, or even when visiting at a friend's home, a boor may remain +undetected. But how quickly the truth appears after he has registered at +a hotel! There are numerous little tests of good breeding that betray +him; the servants themselves soon discover whether or not he is +cultivated, well-bred. And they invariably treat him accordingly. + +The definite rules will be given in the following paragraphs. But for +one's general conduct it should be remembered solely that the +hospitality of a hotel is no less worthy of courtesy and consideration +than the hospitality extended by a friend. + + +THE WOMAN GUEST + +To-day women stop at hotels much more frequently than they did a decade +ago. The war brought with it a widened horizon for the women of America, +and they travel all over the country on political, professional and +business enterprises as well as for pleasure. It is, consequently, +necessary for them to stop often at hotels; thus they must know exactly +how to conduct themselves. + +Some hotels, in smaller towns, have ladies' entrances. The woman visitor +should first ascertain whether or not there are such entrances, and if +so should govern her actions accordingly. But in large cities, hotels +generally have but one large entrance where the woman may enter without +embarrassment. Business often takes the modern woman into strange towns, +and there is no reason why she should feel the least hesitancy in +stopping at a hotel--providing she knows how to conduct herself. + +Hand baggage should be relinquished at the door to attendants of the +hotel. The woman should make her way immediately to the desk-clerk, +register, and then follow the page assigned to her, to her room. It is +not good form to loiter in the lobby before going to one's room after +one has registered. A wise plan is to call the hotel on the telephone +beforehand, requesting them to reserve a room or suite of rooms as the +case may be. This will eliminate any possibility of having to leave the +hotel because there is no room. It is always a wise plan for a woman to +reserve a room in advance, especially if she is to arrive late at night +since certain hostelries refuse to admit women after a certain hour. + +The day of the chaperon is practically over, except in the cases of very +young girls. But women to-day travel very often in the company of their +maids. Whether one double room or two single rooms adjoining each other +are chosen, depends upon the degree of intimacy between mistress and +maid, and also upon convenience and accommodation at the hotel. The +usual form is to reserve two adjoining rooms. + +A woman never stops at a hotel without baggage. Even though she intends +to stay only over-night, she should carry a small handbag with her. A +woman traveling across country with a great deal of baggage may have her +trunks sent on ahead to the hotel if she reserves rooms previously. On +no occasion should the woman approach the clerk's desk laden with +valises and bags. A hotel attendant should take them from the car and +deposit them on the floor near the desk; or the guest's chauffeur should +deposit them at the entrance of the hotel, to be attended to by one of +the hotel attendants. + + +RECEIVING MASCULINE GUESTS + +A gentleman calling upon a lady who is stopping at a hotel, gives his +name to the desk clerk. It is not necessary to offer a card. The form in +most common usage is, "Mr. Roberts to see Miss Nelson." The clerk will +call Miss Nelson on the telephone or will direct him to one of the +telephones in the lobby, and advise her of the visitor. If she is ill +and does not wish to see him, she will say, "Please tell Mr. Roberts I +am indisposed and I am sorry that I cannot see him to-day." But she +should not refuse to see a visitor without offering some sort of +legitimate excuse. If she is not ready to greet visitors, she may say to +the clerk, "Tell Mr. Roberts I shall be downstairs in a half-hour." That +is the maximum amount of time it is permissible to keep a visitor +waiting. + +Ladies receive the gentlemen who call on them in the parlor or reception +room of the hotel. They may be hatless and gloveless, if they wish, +observing the same rules of etiquette that they would observe in their +drawing-room at home. But if the visits are entirely of a business +nature, it is always advisable for the woman to wear a hat. + +To welcome a man in one's room is to break a convention that has many +years of strict practice to uphold it. It is a serious blunder in hotel +etiquette. + +If a gentleman calls upon a lady at a hotel, whether it be in a business +or social capacity, and finds that she is not in, he may leave his card +with the desk clerk to be forwarded to her. It is necessary, however, +that he write on the back of the card for whom it is intended; for the +memories of desk clerks are not quite as retentive as some of us think +they are, and there is a possibility of the card being sent to the wrong +guest. + + +MAKING FRIENDS AT THE HOTEL + +Hotels have the alarming propensity of making one feel extremely lonely, +especially if one is stopping there all by oneself. And there is the +very strong temptation to forget all about conventionalities and speak +to the friendly-looking old gentleman at the next table, or the charming +young woman in the dressing-room. But everyone, and the woman +especially, should be extremely careful in making friends and +acquaintances at the hotel. + +Self-introductions are not unusual at the hotel. In the dining-room, in +the lobby, in the rest-rooms, conversations are often started that +result in self-introductions and subsequent acquaintanceships. But one +should be prudent. It is not wise to go beyond the usual civilities of +greetings and casual conversations or to take anyone into your +confidence. + +While conducting yourself with all due courtesy and consideration for +the hospitality extended by the hotel, it is important to remember that +after all the hotel is not a private home, but a temporary one for +travelers--for the public. The conventions you observe in public must +therefore also be observed at the hotel. Strangers still remain +strangers, even though you sleep under the same roof with them. + +If a gentleman becomes interested in another gentleman, either in the +hotel lobby or the dining-room, and he wishes to become acquainted with +him either for business or social reasons, he may request the manager of +the hotel to make the necessary introduction. He may also indulge in the +self-introduction, but it is never as effective as the introduction made +by a third person. + + +HOW TO REGISTER + +It is not considered dignified for a woman traveling alone to sign +herself in the hotel register without the title of "Mrs." or "Miss." A +married woman should register as "Mrs. Harris K. Jennings," an unmarried +woman as "Miss Mildred Jennings." It is decidedly bad form to sign +oneself "Millie Jennings," or "Flossie Jennings" for Florence. The full +first and last name should be written out and preceded by the correct +title of "Miss" or "Mrs." Only the eldest daughter, or only daughter, of +a family may sign herself, "Miss Jennings." + +When traveling together, a mother and daughter register as "Mrs. Harris +K. Jennings, Miss Mildred Jennings." Even a very young girl is +registered in this manner. A small boy's name appears in the register as +"Master Edward Jennings." A husband and wife register as "Mr. and Mrs. +Harris K. Jennings." To use the expression "Mr. Harris K. Jennings and +wife" is considered very bad form indeed. Only those who are ignorant of +the best rules of hotel etiquette make this blunder. + +After the name, the town and state from which the visitors have come +should be written in the register. Thus the complete entry of a young +lady would be, "Miss Mildred Jennings, Cambridge, Mass." A gentleman +would register in this manner, "Mr. Harris K. Jennings, 681 Fifth Ave., +New York." Even if he lives in New York and stops at a hotel in that +city, he must write "New York" after his name. Nor is it correct for him +to omit the "Mr." from before his name. + +Deep flourishes and illegible handwriting should be avoided. The +well-bred man or woman registers neatly in a clear, small, legible +script. + + +IN THE PUBLIC DINING-ROOM + +"A gentleman is known by the way he eats," declared a well-known writer +recently in one of his newspaper articles. And this is particularly true +in the hotel dining-room, where one is judged--or misjudged--by one's +table manners; and one should remember to make them as gracefully +correct as if the dinner were a most formal one in a private home. + +If you drop a fork or other part of the table service, do not stoop to +pick it up. Simply ignore the incident and leave it to the waiter to +attend to. A most reprehensible habit is to pick up a knife or fork that +has been dropped, wipe it carefully with the napkin, and proceed to use +it. The correct thing to do is to leave the fork or knife on the floor +where it has fallen and request another one from the waiter in charge. + +It is optional with the ladies whether or not they wear their hats to +dinner. In the dining-rooms of the larger hotels, however, women +generally do not appear hatless. Even though one is a permanent guest +and a special table is reserved for one each evening, it is better to +wear a hat to dinner at the hotel. + +Loud laughing and talking reflect ill-manners. And this applies not only +to the dining-room, but to the private rooms as well. As a rule, the +partitions in hotels are thin and talking that is the least bit loud can +be heard in the next room. For this reason, it is also discourteous to +play any musical instrument at such times of the day when it would be +likely to disturb those whose rooms adjoin. At the table, conversation +may be conducted only when low, natural tones of voice are used. Loud +talking should be avoided. + +Guests who wish to eat in their rooms should request that a waiter be +sent to the room with a menu. The order is given, and the waiter will +see that it is satisfactorily filled. For this service he should receive +an extra fee from the guest. + + +HOTEL STATIONERY + +Hotels invariably place a supply of writing paper in the room. This is +meant for the business or social correspondence of the guest. More of +this paper is usually found in the writing-room. + +Do not waste the hotel stationery. Use it only if you have to. You would +not waste the stationery provided for your use at the home of your +friend. Then why take advantage of the courtesies extended by your +hotel? Just as one adapts oneself to the routine at the home of a +friend, so should one accustom and adapt oneself to the rules and +regulations of the hotel. + +Never take any of the hotel stationery away with you. It is as wrong in +principle as carrying away one of the Turkish towels. Use only as much +as you need for your correspondence, and leave the rest behind you. + + +REGARDING THE SERVANTS + +Arrogance is only another form of selfish pride. The man or woman who is +cultured is never arrogant. After all, isn't it sham--sham adopted to +cover the defects of manner and bearing? + +If you are dissatisfied with some service performed by one of the hotel +attendants, if one of them is inattentive to your wants or negligible in +his duties, complain to the manager. Do not scold the servants +themselves, or order them in a peremptory manner to do such and such a +thing correctly. The greatest vulgarity--and you will do well to +remember this--is to look down upon a person as inferior merely because +he or she has to earn his or her own living. There is nothing to be +ashamed of in good, honest, faithful toil. But the person who ridicules +it has a great deal to be ashamed of. + +Be considerate to the hotel attendants. Do not expect the maid to come +hurrying to your room when you ring at one o'clock in the morning. The +guest who is kind and thoughtful will receive twice as much service as +the person who is constantly complaining and scolding. + + +LEAVING THE HOTEL + +When you are ready to leave the hotel, call an attendant to carry your +baggage down to the entrance. Do not attempt to carry it down yourself, +whether you are a man or woman, unless you have only one or two small +valises. + +Different hotels have different rules with regard to keys. Some require +that the key be returned to the desk clerk. Others require that it be +left in the room. When in doubt, the best form is to return the key at +the desk before asking the cashier for one's bill. After this is paid, +ring for a servant to call a car; never do this yourself. + +Tipping, though an entirely un-American custom, is still widely +practiced. When leaving the hotel, it is necessary to tip, or fee, those +hotel attendants who have been of service. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +TRAVEL ETIQUETTE + + +THE RESTLESS URGE OF TRAVEL + +Man is essentially a restless being. Ever since the world began, men and +women have found themselves growing impatient, eager for new scenes, new +faces, new experiences. First they packed up their few belongings and +moved by foot to another place a few miles away. Then they took down +their tents and put them up in some other place. Soon we find them +building houses, and at different periods moving to other houses. +Gradually, through the ages, as man's desire for wider experiences and a +wider radius for travel and exploration developed, the horse-drawn +carriage appeared, then the steamboat, then the locomotive, the surface +car, the subway, the automobile and airplane. + +Diogenes with his lantern could not find an honest man, and he would +have just as difficult a task to-day to find a man, woman or child who +does not love to travel. Everyone likes to see new scenes, meet new +people, enjoy new experiences; and the easiest way to accomplish this is +through traveling. + + +THE CUSTOMS OF COUNTRIES + +In America, where almost everyone is something of a tourist, the +etiquette of travel must not be neglected. And it is particularly +important that the customs of foreign countries be respected, especially +now that the world is becoming one great family and intercourse among +the nations is increasing every day. + +Somehow, we Americans feel that there is no other country in the world +quite as wonderful as our dear United States. There is, of course, no +reason why we should not believe this; but it is bad form and poor +judgment to show by action and speech in other countries that you +believe it. The man or woman who affects a supercilious disdain of all +foreign countries and their forms and customs, is not impressing the +natives with his vast superiority, but is really convincing them that he +or she is an ill-bred simpleton. And even our beloved America is hardly +perfect enough to warrant a great deal of boasting. + +In traveling abroad, every national prejudice, every custom of every +little town or village, should be observed as nearly as possible. "When +in Rome do as the Romans do" is the truest courtesy that can be observed +by those who travel. Well-bred and polite people conform to native +customs no matter how strange they may appear. And they do it +gracefully, with a smile of friendliness rather than one of disdain. + +In her book "Fear and Conventionality," Elsie Parsons relates an +incident during her visit to Tokyo. She and her companions were the +guests of Japan. As they were on their way to the station, the natives +stole up furtively and placed cards in their carriages. Realizing that +it must be some native custom, the occupants of the carriages merely +smiled and allowed the cards to remain. Perhaps if they had been haughty +individuals they might have scowled at the seeming intrusion, thrown +aside the cards, and won the everlasting hate of the natives not only +for themselves but for all future American tourists. For one ill-bred +traveler makes it hard for the next people who pass along the same +route, however courteous they may be. The best way to make a pleasant +journey is to adapt oneself graciously and courteously to varying +circumstances and conditions. + + +THE TRAVELER'S WARDROBE + +It is not wise to overburden oneself with numerous clothes when +traveling. Wardrobes can always be replenished if the necessity arises, +in other countries, and there is really no need to impede one's journey +with numerous trunks and handbags that must be constantly checked, +looked after and traced. Many people have journeyed happily all over +Europe with only a suit case or two. + +Women should dress quietly and inconspicuously when traveling. A dark, +tailored suit with light blouses is in excellent taste, especially when +worn with a small dark turban or toque. In her wardrobe should be +simple, but smart frocks for the afternoon, an evening gown, numerous +fresh blouses and perhaps a sport outfit or two. An abundant supply of +fresh undergarments is essential, but even these can be bought during +the trip if the supply does not hold out. Remember that it is a wise +rule to take too little rather than too much. An experienced traveler +can usually be distinguished by the small amount of luggage he carries. + +The wardrobe of the gentleman traveling should also be as small as +possible. Of course the number of suits and the quantity of linen he +takes with him depends upon the length of his trip and the social +activities he expects to indulge in. + +If the trip is to be one of long duration the porter will provide a +paper bag in which the hat may be placed. On a trip of this kind it is +permissible to make oneself at ease by removing hat and wraps and +leaning against a pillow which the porter will furnish upon request. + + +IN THE TRAIN + +An ill-bred person is always known by his selfishness and discourtesy in +the train. He will claim more service and comfort than he is entitled +to. He will scold the attendants and make himself generally a nuisance. +He will encroach upon the rights of others, assume an air of importance, +and make himself conspicuous by his actions and manners. + +When in the train, be as solicitous of the passenger's comforts as you +would be of your dearest friend's, if he or she were traveling with you. +Do not keep your window open if you know that it is causing discomfort +to others. Do not spread your hand-luggage into the aisles where other +passengers will be likely to trip over it. It is good nature, courtesy +and an affable adaptation to unexpected circumstances that mark the lady +and gentleman in traveling. + +If someone opens a window that places you in a draught or exposes you to +flying cinders or other discomforts, it is permissible to request +politely that the window be lowered again. The courteous man or woman +will do so immediately without impatience or annoyance. + +All boisterous behavior, loud laughing and talking, are as reprehensible +in the train as they are in the drawing-room. Composure of manner and a +calm, easy grace distinguish the cultured traveler. He who is restless, +excitable, fidgety, who talks in loud tones, walks back and forth to +the water cooler many times, arranges and rearranges his belongings, is +merely advertising to the other passengers in the train that he is +traveling for the first time, and that he does not know how to conduct +himself. + +It should be remembered that the railroad train is a public place, and +therefore it is not correct to discuss family affairs or converse loudly +about people who are absent while you are traveling on it. This habit of +talking about people who are absent is most uncivil. How often do we +overhear conversations in which some unfortunate man or woman is "picked +to pieces" by inconsiderate friends or acquaintances who mean no harm +and bear no malice but having nothing else to talk about, choose their +friend as the subject of their conversation. It is unkind, and it is +certainly bad form. + + +IN THE SLEEPING CAR + +In traveling on the sleeping car the person who has the lower berth is +entitled to the seat facing forward while the one with the upper berth +has the seat facing backward. If a lady was unable to procure a lower +berth and the gentleman beneath her offers to exchange she may at +discretion accept the offer. + +When one is ready to go to bed he rings for the porter to prepare the +berth. In crowded trains it may be some time before this can be done and +the owner of the berth must be patient until his turn comes. It is +courteous to consult one's seat mate before asking to have the beds made +for the night, and if one wishes to go to bed early because of fatigue +or slight illness, he may politely beg of his partner to allow him to do +so. + +The person who is to spend the night on the train should provide himself +with a dressing gown, a traveling toilette case containing the necessary +accessories such as brushes, soap, tooth-paste, pins, etc. One may dress +and undress in the regular dressing room but many people prefer to +accomplish the greater part of their toilette in their berths. It is not +permissible to take exclusive possession of the dressing-room or to +spread one's belongings out so as to be in the way of the other +travelers. + + +TRAIN COURTESY + +A gentleman always steps aside to permit a woman to enter a train first. +He does not rush ahead of her for a choice seat, nor does he open a +window near her without having first requested and obtained her +permission to do so. + +Civility of the highest sort is possible when traveling in a train. One +may be courteous to the gruff ticket collector and polite to the +bustling expressman. A "soft answer turneth away wrath"--and we usually +find that a curt, peremptory order receives response that is no less +curt; but a kind and courteous request invariably receives an immediate +friendly response. "Thank you" is never superfluous, and it is only the +exceedingly impolite man who fails to say it when some service, no +matter how trivial, has been performed for him. + +When a gentleman sees that a woman passenger is having difficulty in +raising a window, he need feel no hesitancy in offering to assist her. +However, the courtesy ends when the window has been raised; he resumes +his seat and the incident is closed. It is incorrect for him to attempt +a conversation with her or to intrude upon her in any way. The gentleman +should also offer his seat to a woman standing in an overcrowded train, +or to a man very much older than himself. A man or woman carrying a +child should never be permitted to remain standing. + +A gentleman never allows a woman to feel incumbent upon him for monetary +assistance. For instance, if a young and inexperienced woman is +traveling alone and seems to be in doubt as to where she will be able to +get something to eat, the gentleman may offer to send a porter to take +her order. Or if no porter can be found, he may himself get her a +sandwich and a glass of milk. But he must absolutely accept the money +expended for these articles, otherwise the young woman will undoubtedly +feel embarrassed. + + +THE WOMAN TRAVELER + +Women travel about much more independently to-day than ever before. We +find young and elderly women traveling across country for business +purposes, for relaxation, and for pleasure. And though conventions are +no less strict than they were twenty-five years ago, these women who +travel are enjoying a much wider and more untrammeled freedom than their +grandmothers ever enjoyed. + +Women who have not had much experience in traveling, who are ignorant of +the laws of good conduct while _en route_, are prone to expect a great +many courtesies and much attention from the train officials and from the +gentlemen passengers. Very often they make themselves appear rude and +ill-bred by their assumed manner of haughtiness. It is the quiet, +dignified manner that commands respect; not the exacting, fault-finding +and imperious one that so many women like to affect. + +The woman on a train should never sacrifice the comfort of the people +around her for her own. It is exceedingly discourteous to insist upon +having a window open, when you know that others around you object, even +though they are all men. And it is just as discourteous to accept a seat +that a gentleman has kindly relinquished, or to accept any other +courtesy, without offering polite thanks. + +It is bad form to get excited over every little thing that happens. A +two-minute delay, a brief unexplained stop, is enough to make some women +fret and fume. + +The woman who travels alone should maintain a great deal of dignity and +reserve. She should not make an acquaintance of any fellow-passengers of +either sex, and she should not accept courtesies from anyone without +cordial thanks. But beyond those few conventional words of thanks, there +should be no conversation with a man or woman she does not know. And +yet, when the journey is a very long one, lasting perhaps more than a +day, what harm can it be for a woman to chat a bit about the scenery or +the newest "best-seller" with the motherly looking woman beside her? +Common-sense is often the better part of etiquette. + + +THE WOMAN WHO TRAVELS WITH AN ESCORT + +When a man serves as escort to a woman who is traveling by train, he +incurs all expenses. He buys her ticket at the station, attends to the +checking and directing of her luggage, carries her hand-bags and sees +that she is comfortably seated. He pays for all magazines and +newspapers that she wishes and fees the porter that has helped her. He +also buys and pays for all refreshments taken during the trip. + +A lady invariably precedes her escort down the aisle of the train. She +takes the inside seat and leaves the arranging of the luggage and wraps +to the gentleman. He may, if he excuses himself, spend part of the trip +in the smoking car, but it is exceedingly rude of him to leave the lady +by herself throughout the trip. In fact, it is wise after the first few +hours of travel, to leave the lady to her own devices for she may want +to nap or to read a book. Even one's dearest friend, or one's favorite +brother can become monotonous and tiresome after four or five hours of +continuous conversation on a noisy train. + + +IN THE DINING-CAR + +When a man meets a woman on a train, and after a brief conversation, +invites her into the dining-car, she may assume that he wishes to be the +host and that he would be offended if she refused to allow him to pay +for her meal. However, the woman who travels alone must be extremely +circumspect in her conduct, and she must not incur monetary obligations +from men who are almost strangers to her. + +For instance, if a man and woman who have met just once before and who +are not really friends but slight acquaintances, find that they are +traveling to the same place at the same time, they may for mutual +pleasure's sake, elect to travel together. This is especially true when +the journey is one of four or five hours' duration, when a bit of +conversation would enliven the monotony of the trip. In this case, if +both decide to go into the dining-room together, the woman must by no +means allow the man to pay her bill. He may pay the tip, if he wishes, +but he must accept the money that she offers him to pay for her share of +the bill. A considerate woman will wait until they are back at their +seats before venturing to reimburse her companion. It is better to have +the waiter present separate bills. This does away with all awkwardness +and embarrassment. + +A gentleman who is escorting a lady on a trip should not be expected to +pay for her meals on the train, unless there is only one and he feels +that it would be a pleasure for him to serve as host on that occasion. +But if the trip lasts several days, the woman should insist that she pay +her own expenses. This is especially important if the escort is a friend +and not a relative; she should by no means allow him to pay her bills. + + +CHILDREN ON THE TRAIN + +Very often it is necessary for parents to travel with their children. +The mother must see that her youngsters observe the most careful order +while they are in the train and that they do not disturb the other +passengers. + +It is not very pleasant for young children to sit quietly for three or +four hours, and the wise mother will see that they have something to +amuse themselves with. A big picture book for the boy, a doll for the +girl or some other equally interesting diversion will keep the child +from becoming impatient and restless. + +It is very wrong to permit children to race up and down the aisles, to +climb over the backs of the seats, to play noisy games or in any other +manner disturb the other passengers. Nor is it proper for them to eat +continually, crumbling cake and dropping fruit stones upon the floor of +the train. Correct, well-bred little boys and girls will remain quietly +seated in their places, watching the scenery or looking at the pictures +in the book; and if they converse at all, it will be in a low tone that +does not annoy the man or woman in front who is reading. It is never too +early to teach children the golden rule of courtesy and respect. + +If a child is addressed by a kindly neighbor, he should answer politely; +but he must not leave his place and go over to that neighbor to be +flattered and indulged, and perhaps plied with sweets that will do him +more harm than good. Courtesies extended children should be gratefully +acknowledged both by the child himself and by his mother. + + +IN THE TAXI CAB + +When one arrives at a station one usually has to summon a taxi to the +hotel. It is hardly safe for a young woman traveling alone at night to +ride in a taxi by herself especially if the ride is to be a long one. +The best way to avoid it is for her if possible to time her trip so as +to arrive in the day time. If this cannot be done she must perforce +accept the alternative. + +If a man and woman are traveling together he helps her in before getting +in himself. At the end of the ride he first helps her out and then pays +and tips the driver. Ten per cent. of the amount of the fare is the +usual rate. Unless a man is acting as a woman's escort he should not pay +her fare. + + +BON VOYAGE GIFTS + +Many people like to send their friends _bon voyage_ gifts of flowers, +books, fruit or candy when they are going away. Steamer letters are +always acceptable and if they are arranged in some novel way they may +be most delightful. A series of letters or small packages, one to be +opened each day, go a long way toward relieving the tedium of the +journey. Similar gifts may be sent to friends who are going on a long +railway trip. The address of packages sent to steamers should include +the name of the vessel and of the line to which it belongs and the +number of the pier. + + +ON BOARD THE SHIP + +The only place where formal introductions are not necessary is at sea. +Life on shipboard is more or less free from conventionality, +fortunately, especially for those who are making the voyage alone. The +days would be long and tedious if one refused to speak to any of the +other passengers because they had not been formally presented. It is +quite permissible, if one feels so inclined, to speak to the person +whose steamer chair is near or to the people who share one's table in +the ship's dining-room. + + +COURTESY ON THE SHIP + +Although the barriers of social etiquette are let down on board the ship +to the extent of permitting passengers to talk to one another without +formal introductions, there is no excuse for lack of courtesy. The man +or woman who encroaches upon the rights of other passengers, who is +discourteous or rude, will undoubtedly be shunned and avoided by the +others. + +It is, for instance, very bad form to use someone else's pillow, +deck-chair or book, without having first requested permission to do so. +It is also impolite to speak in loud tones, or to read aloud, where it +would disturb others who are trying to nap or to read. Noisy conduct of +any kind is an evidence of ill-breeding, and it is only the extremely +ill-bred people who will sit in little groups and discuss and comment +upon each passenger on board the ship. + +Passengers are never permitted to interfere with the mechanisms of the +ship. Not only is it very incorrect to do so, but it may be criminal or +unsafe. To inspect certain parts of the ship barred to all but employees +is to risk one's own life and the lives of the other passengers. Remain +in your stateroom or on deck, but do not wander into places where +ship-ethics forbid you. + + +THE WOMAN CROSSING THE OCEAN + +It is not usual for a woman to travel across the ocean alone. But very +often a young woman correspondent or journalist, or perhaps a woman +buyer for some large fashion establishment, finds that business takes +her abroad. She need feel no hesitancy or embarrassment in attempting +the trip, if she knows and understands all the little rules of good +conduct that govern railroad, steamship and hotel etiquette. + +The young lady who is alone, should be careful that she does not make +haphazard acquaintances among the gentlemen on board the ship. It is +much wiser for her to find companions among the women passengers, and +later they will undoubtedly introduce her to their gentleman +acquaintances. She must never allow a man whose acquaintance she made +only on board the ship, to assume any of her expenses. Nor should she +sit up on the deck after eleven o'clock with one of her new +acquaintances. She must be extremely careful of her conduct, and she +must not give anyone the opportunity to talk about her and comment upon +the fact that she is traveling without a chaperon. + +When there is a dance on board the ship, the woman who is traveling +alone may accept an invitation to dance from a gentleman she has not +formally met; but it is always wiser to find some excuse to avoid +dancing with a man who is a total stranger. + + +A CONCERT AT SEA + +Very often, as the sea voyage draws near an end, a concert or +entertainment is held for the benefit of some special charity fund, or +merely for the amusement of the passengers. All those who are +accomplished in any way--who can sing, dance, recite or play a musical +instrument, are expected to volunteer their services for the occasion. +Those who are specially requested to do so, should consent amiably; it +is very rude, indeed, to refuse without some very good reason. + +The passenger who absents himself from the concert which all other +passengers attend, is both impolite and ill-bred. Whether he cares to or +not, he should attend for the sake of courtesy. And everyone should +contribute to the fund if one is raised after the concert. Only a very +selfish and unkind person will refuse to contribute to a fund of this +kind. + + +AT THE JOURNEY'S END + +In the excitement of reaching _terra firma_ once again, a few people are +inclined to forget the courtesies due the other passengers. + +A little while before the ship reaches the dock, cordial farewells +should be made to all those with whom one has been friendly. +Hand-shaking is in order, and a polite phrase, such as, "Good-by, Mrs. +Jones, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you again," is most +appropriate. If it is desired, an exchange of cards may accompany this +leave-taking, especially if one really wishes to continue the +friendship. + +Farewells on board a ship should be brief but cordial. Long, sentimental +farewells should never be indulged in for, at the most, they cause only +sorrow at the parting of a brief friendship that may perhaps never be +resumed. A warm handclasp, a sincere word or two of farewell--and it +should be over. + + +AT HOTEL AND RESTAURANT + +When arriving in a strange city, a traveler immediately asks to be +driven to whatever hotel he has previously decided upon. Here he +registers, using the same form that appears on his visiting card but +adding to it the name of the city from which he has come. + +The woman who is traveling alone does well to wire or phone ahead to the +hotel and request that they reserve a room for her. While at the hotel, +her conduct must be unimpeachable. She must not entertain masculine +visitors in her private rooms, but only in the public reception room of +the hotel. She must not return to the hotel after midnight, and she +should not dine alone in the hotel dining-room after eight o'clock. + +When a large party is to dine at a hotel, the table should be reserved +and the dishes chosen in advance. This will save a great deal of +confusion and waste of time. If the dinner is not arranged for in +advance, the host or hostess should do all the ordering, subjecting it, +of course, to the approval of the guests. + + +AT TEA-ROOM AND ROOF GARDEN + +There seems to be something about a tea-room, whether it be at home or +in some strange city or town, that is conducive to quiet and +peacefulness. Loud talking and boisterous laughter is entirely out of +place, and those who are guilty of indulging in these two improprieties +condemn themselves as ill-bred. + +At the tea-room the lady always retains her hat. Gloves are removed and +wraps may either be slipped off the shoulders or completely removed. At +the roof garden, hats are also worn, except in the evening when full +evening dress is worn. Here also, it is important that a quiet reserve +of manner characterize the lady and the gentleman. No amount of +frivolity and gayety in the atmosphere of one's environment can excuse +noisy, ill-mannered conduct. + + +TO THOSE WHO LOVE TO TRAVEL + +Almost everyone enjoys traveling, but there are comparatively few people +who really appreciate it. To those who love to travel, who find it an +inspiration and a delight, the following bits of information may be of +interest. + +If you want to enjoy a trip to a foreign country--let us say +France,--spend a week or two reading about the history and literature of +that country. Make notes while you are reading, give your imagination +full rein, and absorb just as much knowledge as you can of the habits +and customs of the French people. The cultivation of the imagination is +especially important; while you read about France, picture the tiny +villages and big cities to yourself, try to visualize the people and +their homes. And when you do arrive in France, you will find keen +enjoyment in seeing the people and places that lived first in your +imagination. We promise that you will enjoy your trip a great deal more +than if you neglected to devote a little time to the reading up of the +important facts about the country you intended to visit. + +Another very good plan is to buy a French-and-English or a +Spanish-and-English dictionary before or as soon as reaching those +countries. Whether one knows the language or not, it is always safest to +have one of these little volumes handy. They are absolutely +indispensable to those who expect to travel in a country the language of +which is entirely unknown to them. + +Wise tourists carry a map of the countries they intend visiting. It +saves them much time, and often prevents mistakes. These maps may be +obtained of most reliable stationers, and they take up very little +space. There are times, during the journey, when their help is well nigh +invaluable; and a map is nearly always a safer guide than a native. + +A camera is a splendid thing to have along on one's trips abroad. No +matter how vivid an impression a certain scene makes upon one's mind, it +is bound to fade with the passing of a year or so. But a clear snap-shot +taken of that scene will keep it fresh indefinitely, for one needs only +to glance at the picture to have all associations with the scene +recalled. The latest cameras have a device for writing the date and name +of the place on the negative, to be printed with the picture. It is +most convenient for the tourist. + +There are too many of us who rush through the world seeing nothing. We +race through one country after another, hustling and bustling, feeling +important and acting the part--and we feel that we have traveled. But +that is not travel. True travel is when a man or woman visits a strange +country and carries back with him, or her, to be remembered forever, +impressions of the people and customs of that country--valuable +impressions that make his or her life fuller, wider, more in sympathy +with the great world of fellow-men. Better stay at home and read good +books about foreign countries, than rush through them with unseeing +eyes, merely to be able to tell those at home that you have "been +abroad." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +TIPPING + + +AN UN-AMERICAN CUSTOM + +Everyone knows that tipping is a European custom and is entirely +un-American in principle. But while the custom is observed as widely in +this country as it is to-day, it is both inconsiderate and bad form to +ignore it. The wages of waiters end waitresses, porters and hotel +servants are outrageously small, for the reason that they receive tips +for each service they perform for individual guests and travelers. If +the tipping custom were abolished, the wages of these people would be +correspondingly increased; but as things are now, it is inconsiderate to +deprive them of the tips that both they and their employers expect that +they will receive. + +In a little tea shop in Fifth Avenue in New York, the following is +printed on the back of each menu: "Tipping is an un-American custom. +Help us abolish it by adding 10c to the amount of your bill. At the end +of the week, the waiter will receive the entire amount added to his +wages." Patrons have greeted this plan enthusiastically. They feel that +it presages the ultimate abolition of a custom that has long been in +disrepute because it is so distinctly un-American. The waiters in this +progressive little tea-room serve each patron with the same degree of +courtesy and respect; there is no fawning servility, no unfair dividing +of service between two patrons. + +Let us hope that before long all restaurants and hotels will follow the +lead of the little tea-shop that revolts against the undemocratic custom +of tipping. But for the present, while it remains a national custom, we +must know when to tip and how to tip, and the correct amounts. + +In certain states, as in South Carolina, tipping is illegal. In this +case as in all others of a like nature, the rules of etiquette are set +aside in favor of the statutes of the law. + + +LAVISH TIPPING + +The man or woman who gives a waiter or a porter a tip that is entirely +incommensurate with that individual's services, is not impressing by his +generosity, but is earning the derision of the servants for his lack of +_savoir faire_. Extravagance in tipping is like extravagance in any +other form--it is decidedly vulgar. + +A servant should be tipped according to the amount of service rendered. +The hall-boy who brings you a pitcher of ice-water should not receive +the same amount as the waiter who serves a full course dinner. Nor +should the maid who cares for your room be forgotten while the porter +who carries your trunks is handsomely rewarded for his few minutes' +service. + + +IN DINING-ROOM OR DINING-CAR + +At a hotel, when a guest expects to stay for a long time, he may reward +the waiter in the dining-room for his services at the end of each week. +One dollar is considered the correct amount for a woman guest for a +week's service in the dining-room, and one dollar and a half for the +gentleman guest. Individual tips should amount to ten per cent. of the +bill. + +In the dining-car a tip of twenty-five cents is sufficient for the +services rendered a man or woman. The woman who travels alone may leave +twenty-five cents for the waiter in the dining-car. The man who travels +alone should leave ten per cent. of the bill, or more according to the +services received. + +The woman who travels with children and stops at a hotel dining-room or +a restaurant along the route, for dinner, should remember that children +always require extra service and trouble, and the waiter or waitress +should be tipped accordingly. A woman with one child should leave a +twenty-five cent tip; and when there are more children the tip should be +increased so as to be commensurate with the services received. + + +AT THE HOTEL + +Women are never expected to tip as generously as men. At a hotel, the +woman should remember the hall-boy, the chamber-maid, the porter, and +the waiter in the dining-room. When her stay is a short one, twenty-five +cents apiece is sufficient for each one, except the hall-boy, who is +given a tip of ten cents whenever he performs an individual service. If +her stay is longer, she should tip according to the amount of service +received from each servant. + +The man at the hotel is not expected to tip the chamber-maid unless she +performs some very special service for him. But he tips all others who +serve him in any way. The porter should receive ten cents for each +trunk that he carries to the room, and more if he performs additional +service. Ten cents is adequate compensation for the bell-boy whenever he +performs some service, and it should be forthcoming immediately upon the +completion of that service. + +Both men and women guests are expected to tip a hotel employee whom they +send out on an errand in proportion to the services rendered. If the +trip to be taken is a long one, and entails a great deal of trouble. The +tip should be a generous one. + + +THE TAXI-DRIVER + +In large cities where taxicabs are fitted with meters that give the +exact amount of ground covered and the corresponding cost, the traveler +has nothing to fear. He may pay the amount with full confidence that he +is not being over-charged. His tip should be fifteen or twenty-five +cents, according to the length of the trip; or if the taxi-driver has +been specially requested to make the trip in the shortest possible time, +and if the distance covered is unusually long, a tip of fifty cents +should be forthcoming. + +But in some small towns where taxicabs have no meters, unsuspecting +strangers are often forced to pay twice or even three times as much as +the trip is actually worth. For this reason, it is always wise to know +exactly the values of certain trips, and the careful man or woman will +know when it is worth one dollar and when it is worth three. To +remonstrate with the driver when you feel that he has excessively +overcharged is to discourage his future attempts to do the same thing to +others. A distance of twenty city blocks--or one mile--should never +amount to more than fifty cents; from this figure it should be easy to +compute what longer trips should cost. + +There is no more reason why exorbitant tips should be paid the +taxi-driver than the waiter. He performs no greater service, except in +unusual cases, such as catching a train in time or getting you to a +physician quickly. The amount of the tip should be in proportion to the +amount of the bill, if the trip is just an ordinary one. + + +ON THE TRAIN + +The man in the baggage room who gathers together and checks the trunks +will expect a tip of at least twenty-five cents. A woman may offer less +than this--but never less than ten cents. To the porter who carries the +hand luggage aboard the train and finds a comfortable seat for the +traveler, a tip of fifteen or twenty-five cents should be given, and the +parlor car porter who performs many little services during the trip +should be similarly tipped. + +When the railroad journey is longer than twenty-four hours, the man and +woman will find that they have several people to tip in the sleeper. The +porter who makes the beds and blackens the boots will expect nothing +less than twenty-five cents, and for extra service he is entitled to +extra compensation. Others who perform services are tipped in amounts +that are commensurate with the services rendered, and immediately upon +the performance of those services. + + +CROSSING THE OCEAN + +It was on a German steamship that the custom of raising a contribution +for the band of musicians originated. Some steamships to-day still +observe this custom, but on better ships, where the musicians are of a +high order, it has been abolished. If the collection is made, at the end +of the journey, each passenger should feel it incumbent upon him to +contribute at least twenty-five cents. Fifty cents is not too much, and +some people who have particularly enjoyed the music, offer one dollar or +even more. It is very bad form, indeed, to refuse to contribute to this +fund. + +The servants to be remembered on the steamship are the bedroom steward, +the table, deck and bathroom stewards, the stewardess, and the boy who +blackens the boots. Masculine passengers do not tip the stewardess +unless she has rendered them special service. Tips to the servants +mentioned above should be governed by the amount of service rendered. +For instance, if a woman passenger has been ill all the way across, she +is expected to give a generous tip to the stewardess who has nursed her. +Five dollars would not be considered extravagant in this case. The man +who has been ill should be just as generous with the bedroom steward and +all others who have attended him. + +When leaving the ship, no one who has been of any service whatever +should be forgotten. The porter who helps you with your hand luggage and +sees you safely down the gang plank should be rewarded with no less than +twenty-five cents. + + +TIPS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES + +Americans in Germany, England or France should learn at once the values +of German, English and French money. Otherwise they may make mistakes +that will cost them quite a bit. For instance, an American woman in +England recently gave a crown to a hotel maid, thinking that it was +equivalent to our quarter. The maid realized that the woman did not know +the value of it, and she explained it to her. But the traveler must +remember that not all servants are so scrupulous. + +Tips in foreign countries should be given on the same basis as the ones +given to those who serve us here in America. Extravagance is bad form, +and not to give at all is niggardly. The amount of the tip should always +be commensurate with the service performed. Americans have every right +to expect respectful and courteous treatment wherever they chance to be, +and they must not feel that they are expected to pay exorbitant fees to +obtain it. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +ETIQUETTE ABROAD + + +THE AMERICAN IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES + +The American who goes abroad and expects to learn in a few days the +customs, manners and even the language of the countries he visits, is +like the proverbial Irishman who comes to America and expects to find +the streets paved with gold. Both are doomed to disappointment. + +One of the most undesirable features of travel abroad is to be forced to +depend upon the half-incorrect interpretations of guides for one's +comfort and pleasure. How much better it is to be able to talk to the +natives of the country themselves, and to understand them and their +ways! A little preliminary preparation before the trip, or while one is +on the way, serves as an excellent foundation upon which to build one's +knowledge of the language and customs of a foreign country. + +Good manners are, of course, universal; and the man who is well-bred in +America is sure to be correctly-mannered when he is in France or +England. And yet there are slight differences between the etiquette of +America and the etiquette of foreign countries. They do not affect one's +courtesy or kindliness of manner, but they do affect those daily little +conventionalities, such as greetings, farewells, table etiquette, +addressing clergy and royalty, etc. To be ignorant of these rules is to +be susceptible to embarrassment and uncertainty, and to incur the +displeasure and unfriendliness of foreigners of good social standing. + +The following paragraphs will, we hope, help the man or woman who is +traveling abroad, for they contain all the important details of foreign +etiquette. But in addition, we have suggested that those who intend to +visit France or Germany or any other foreign country, spend a little +time reading about that country and learning a bit about the language. +There are many good books available in public libraries and elsewhere, +that teach one a great deal about the people, interesting places, and +language of foreign countries. + + +ON ENGLISH SOIL + +Perhaps it is because America and England have so much in common, that +their etiquette is so very similar. We find that balls and receptions +and entertainments, dinners, calls, funerals and weddings, in fact, +almost all social functions are celebrated in practically the same +manner as is considered best form here in America. The changes are so +slight that they are not important enough to mention. + +But there is one radical difference between English and American +conventionalities that usually cause difficulty to the tourist. We refer +to the royal society of England which requires a very special kind of +recognition. The traveling American who visits an English court will +expose himself to a great deal of embarrassment if he does not know the +correct court etiquette--if he does not know the proper titles and their +recognition, how to address the King or Queen, how to conduct himself +while in the presence of royalty. + + +ADDRESSING ROYALTY + +Although every American tourist delights in being presented at court, or +to a royal personage, it is usually regarded as a nervous and +embarrassing business--for the reason that one does not quite know just +what is correct to say and do. When addressing the King, there are two +correct forms and no others that may be used. One may say either, "Your +Majesty" or "Sir." There are also two forms that may be used when +addressing the Queen. They are, "Your Majesty" or "Madame." When +answering a question put by either of these rulers, one may not use the +brief "No" or "Yes." "No, madame," or "Yes, sir," are the correct forms. +When addressing the King, the form "Your Majesty" is used. + +All children of the King and Queen are addressed as "Your Royal +Highness." This same title is used when addressing the brother or sister +of the reigning monarchs, or the brother or sister of the late King. In +speaking to royalty, one does not use the simple expression "you," but +expresses oneself in this manner, "Has your Royal Highness been to +America recently?" + +One rule that all Americans should observe when in the presence of +foreign royalty is to wait until they are addressed by the persons of +rank. They themselves should not volunteer remarks but should enter into +the conversation only when they are directly addressed. To use a title +of rank, such as "Your Majesty" or "Your Royal Highness" incessantly, is +to make it seem superficial. It should be used only when respect and +convention demand it. + +When presented to royalty, a man is expected to bow, a woman to +courtesy. The hand is never offered in greeting, unless the person of +rank makes the first motion. In the presence of the Queen everyone +should show some mark of respect--men stand with heads uncovered and +women bow slightly. Americans should follow these customs if they do not +wish to earn the enmity of their English brothers and make their stay in +the country unpleasant. But most of all, they should do it because it is +the _polite_ and _proper_ thing to do. Americans should also remain +standing at the theater or opera when the national anthem, "God Save the +Queen," is sung, or while the rest of the audience stands in respect for +a member of the royal family who has not yet been seated. + + +OTHER ENGLISH TITLES + +An American in England is very likely to meet some persons of high +hereditary title, if they are not presented at the court itself. When +speaking of a Duke, one says, "The Duke of Lancastershire." When +addressing him, one says, "Your Grace" or "My Lord Duke." Familiarly, by +those who know him well and address him as an equal, the Duke is +addressed merely as "Duke." The same rule applies to the Duchess. +Formally she is addressed as "Your Grace"; familiarly she is addressed +as "Duchess." + +The eldest son is entitled to the highest of the lesser titles of his +father. Thus, the eldest son of a Duke who was a Marquis immediately +before receiving his ducal degree, is known as the Marquis, and is +addressed as "Lord Barrie" (if Barrie happened to be the surname of the +family). Earls, Viscounts and Barons are addressed in the same manner, +when their titles are given them as courtesies, as the eldest sons of +Dukes. + +The wife of anyone of the titled men mentioned above would be addressed +as "Lady Barrie." A curt "No" or "Yes" is extremely rude on the part of +an American when answering a question put by the wife of a person of +nobility. One should say, "No, Lady Barrie." + +The younger sons of a Duke are addressed as "Lord James" or "Lord Sidney +Barrie." Daughters are addressed as "Lady Helen" or "Lady Louise +Barrie." + +A Marquis (not the eldest son of a Duke, but a recognized Marquis by +English law) is entitled to the formal title of "My Lord" or "Your +Lordship" when addressed by traveling Americans--or by their own +country-people. By his friends or equals he is addressed as "Lord +Denbigh" or "Marquis." On formal occasions, or by those of lesser rank, +a Marchioness is addressed as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship." But her +friends and equals call her "Lady Penhope" or "Marchioness." + +Just as the eldest son of a Duke bears a "courtesy title," so does the +eldest son of a Marquis. This eldest son is called "Lord Denbigh." The +daughters of the Marquis are "Lady Helen" or "Lady Janet," and they are +addressed in this manner by their friends and equals. Formally, an Earl +is addressed as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship." The wife of an Earl is +formally addressed as is the Marchioness. But by her intimate friends +and her social equals she is addressed as "Countess" or "Lady Hendrick." + +The eldest son of an Earl bears his father's second title. There are no +titles for the younger sons of an Earl. His daughters are addressed in +the same manner as are the daughters of a Marquis. A Viscount is +addressed formally as "My Lord" and his friends and equals address him +familiarly as "Lord Roberts." In addressing the wife of a Viscount, one +uses the same forms outlined for the wife of an Earl. The sons and +daughters of a Viscount, when addressed or spoken about, are referred to +as Mr. or Miss Roberts, but when formally introduced, this form is used, +"The Honorable Henry Roberts." + + +---- AND STILL OTHER TITLES + +The American traveler in England will certainly have a great many titles +to remember, especially if he expects to mingle to any extent with the +royal society. There are still others besides those outlined above. The +following are "lesser" titles, but are used perhaps even more frequently +than those given in the preceding paragraphs. + +There are the Baron and Baroness, for instance, who are addressed +respectively as "My Lord" and "Your Ladyship." Their children have the +same titular rank and are addressed in the same manner. The Baronet is +addressed formally and familiarly as "Sir Thomas" without the addition +of his surname. His title is really only an hereditary privilege. But +his wife enjoys the title of "Lady Merick" or "Lady Carol," instead of +just "Lady Sylvia." The children of a Baronet have no title. + +A Knight is addressed as "Lord Henry" or "Lord James," both formally and +familiarly. His wife is addressed in the same form as that used for the +wife of a Baronet. The children of a Knight are called merely Mr. or +Miss. + + +ADDRESSING CLERGY ABROAD + +Another difficulty that often confronts the stranger in England, is that +of correctly addressing the clergy. England is a land of titles, and to +be at ease one must know how to place each title properly and pay proper +respect where it is due. + +In England the Archbishops of Canterbury and York and all the bishops +(with the exception of two) are called "Lords Spiritual." They enjoy the +privilege of sitting in the House of Lords. Thus, when addressing them +formally, the form "Your Grace" should be used. "Archbishop" may be used +only by those who are addressing that dignitary familiarly as a friend +or an equal. Bishops should be formally addressed as "Your Lordship" or +"My Lord," but merely as "Bishop" by their friends. Their wives, and the +wives of archbishops, have no title, nor do the children of either +archbishop or bishop have any title other than Mr. or Miss. + +Following the bishop in rank, comes the Dean, addressed simply as "Dean +Harris." His wife is known only as "Mrs. Harris." The same forms apply +to the Archdeacon and his wife. Other clergymen--canons, vicars, rectors +and curates--have no titles and are addressed simply as "Mr. Brown" or +"Mr. Smith" as the case may be. + + +LAWYERS, STATESMEN AND OFFICIALS--HOW TO ADDRESS THEM + +While traveling about in merry England, one may find it necessary to +seek legal advice or the protection of a court. The etiquette is +slightly different from that observed in America. + +The members of the judiciary, for instance, are not spoken of as "Judge +Brown" and "Judge Harris," but as "Mr. Justice Brown" and "Mr. Justice +Harris." While presiding in his court, the member of the judiciary is +addressed as "My Lord," "Your honor," "Your worship," according to the +position occupied. In private life, however, he is plain "Mr. Smith." + +Whether addressed formally or familiarly, the members of the Cabinet, +and the prime minister are simply Mr. Blank, unless they have titles +conferred upon them by the King or inherited. In this case they use +their titles constantly and are addressed accordingly. + +The Lord Mayor of London is entitled to the honorary title of "His +Lordship." He may also be addressed as "My Lord Mayor" at social +gatherings. + + +AT THE COURT OF ENGLAND + +The social activities of the English Court, and the etiquette governing +these activities, should be known and thoroughly understood by every +American who ever intends to visit that country. The war interfered +slightly with the functions of the court, but with the return to normal +these have been resumed with all their pre-war ceremony. + +Usually four Courts are held every season, two in the early part of +spring, and two at equal intervals later on. This may be altered, +however, to suit conditions; as, for instance, in Nineteen-Fourteen +there were only three Courts, and in Nineteen-Fifteen there were none at +all. + +American women who wish to be presented at Court may either be presented +by the wife of the American Ambassador or by some English woman of title +and position who has herself been received by the Queen. The American +Ambassador has the privilege of sending to the authorities in whose +hands the matter rests, the names of several American women suitable +for presentation at Court. Those who wish this privilege, should +register their names at the offices of the Embassy in London, +sufficiently ahead of time for due consideration. + +In addition to the registering of her name at the Embassy, the woman who +wishes to be presented at Court should bring to the Ambassador a letter +of recommendation from some member of the American government who is +well known to the Ambassador. Then, if the application is accepted, her +name and credentials will be sent to Buckingham Palace, from whence +invitations will be issued if the Ambassador's list is approved. + +Having gained the coveted invitation to appear at the Court of Her +Majesty, the Queen, the American woman must be careful that she knows +exactly what to wear. + + +WHAT TO WEAR TO COURT + +Before attempting to appear at Court, the American woman should consult +a reliable modiste. She will be able to tell her exactly the correct +thing to wear at her presentation. + +Court gowns invariably have trains, and the head dress is always +elaborate. The dress itself must be fashioned according to the style of +the moment, and in this the woman must be guided by her dressmaker. For +a young, unmarried woman a dress of thin, light-colored material is +suggested, unadorned by jewels of any kind. The matron may wear diamonds +or pearls, but must not attempt to emulate the gaudiness of a Queen +Elizabeth. + +The well-bred woman will not feel awkward in the vast room where all the +great personages are assembled. She will learn beforehand, just how to +enter the room, how to kiss the Queen's hand and how to conduct herself +with poise and grace during the period of presentation. + + +THE KING'S LEVÉES + +The American gentleman who wishes to be presented to His Majesty, may +arrange through his Ambassador to attend one of the levées which the +King holds at St. James' Palace. These levées are not quite as +ceremonious as the Courts which the Queen holds, but they require a +certain definite etiquette which must not be overlooked. + +For instance, the American who is not in uniform, must wear the correct +dress prescribed for the occasion. It is known as levée dress, and a +competent London tailor will be able to inform the American gentleman of +just what it consists. He must not attempt to appear at the levée in any +other than these conventional clothes. Slight variations take place in +these levée costumes, from time to time, and the American in England +should make sure by consulting with a fashionable tailor. + +It is wise also, before attending a levée, to have a little chat with a +friend or acquaintance who has already attended one, and learn from him +the correct way to conduct oneself throughout the presentation. + + +IN FRANCE + +France is a land of polished manners. Here one is either cultured or +uncultured. Mistakes in etiquette, divergence from the path of good +form, are not tolerated in good society. The American in France must +know exactly what is correct to do and say in that country, if he +wishes to enjoy his visit. + +The brief expressions "Yes" or "No" are never used in France when one +wishes to be polite. It must be followed by the correct title, such as +"Yes, Monsieur" or "No, Madame." In the morning, upon greeting an +acquaintance, no matter how slightly you know him, it is correct to say, +"Bonjour, Monsieur." When expressing thanks for a courtesy or for +requested information, one says, "Merci, Madame." And the customary +farewell is "Au revoir, Mademoiselle." + +Politeness is universal in France. One greets shop clerks as cordially +as one greets one's best friend. Upon entering the French shop one +should say "Bonjour, Monsieur" to the floorwalker, and "Bonjour, Madame" +to the saleslady. In the restaurant it is proper to say "Merci, +Monsieur," to the head waiter who shows you to your place. The waiters +are addressed as _garçon_, but the waitresses are called _Madame_ or +_Mademoiselle_. + +If one happens to brush against someone accidentally, or to get into +someone's way, it is very important that polite apologies be offered. To +hurry on without so much as saying, "Pardon, Monsieur," is extremely +rude, and Frenchmen are quick to notice it. They are very courteous and +they expect visitors to be the same. + + +ADDRESSING TITLED PEOPLE IN FRANCE + +"Monsieur le Comte" is the correct mode of address to employ towards a +Count in France. A Baron is addressed as "Monsieur le Baron." His wife, +however, is called simply "Madame----." + +Officers in the Army are addressed in the following manner: "Mon +Capitaine," "Mon Général," etc. It is a decided breach of good conduct +to address an officer in the French army as "Monsieur," especially when +he is in uniform. When speaking about a certain officer, one may say, +"Le Général Denbigh." + +The concierge and his wife are known merely as Monsieur and Madame. The +parish priest, however, is spoken of and to as, "Monsieur le curé." A +nun is addressed always as "Ma Sœur." + +Be careful not to forget the correct forms of address in France, for +Frenchmen are quick to take offense and much ill-will may unwittingly be +incurred by the American man or woman who does not pay proper respect +where it is due, who does not use the correct titles at the correct +time. And the American traveler in France should remember that his +manners and conduct in that country reflect not only upon his own +manners and breeding, but upon the manners and customs of the country he +represents. + + +CERTAIN FRENCH CONVENTIONS + +In France the first recognition of acquaintanceship must come from the +gentleman. For instance, if a young American man makes the acquaintance +of a young French woman, she will expect him to raise his hat when they +meet again, before she nods to him. In America it is the reverse--the +young lady has the privilege of acknowledging or ignoring an +acquaintanceship. + +Not only must the hat be raised to women, in France, but to men also. A +young American and a young Frenchman who are known to each other raise +their hats simultaneously when they encounter each other on the street. +But when the Frenchman is the elder of the two, or the more +distinguished, the American is expected to wait until he makes the first +motion of recognition. + +The American who stops at a small hotel in France for a period of two +days or more, should feel it his duty to nod courteously to every woman +guest of the hotel he chances to meet, whether or not she is a total +stranger. This is considered a conventional courtesy which all well-bred +people in France observe. However, it does not serve the purpose of an +introduction, and the American must not make the mistake of thinking +that this privilege entitles him to address the women guests without the +introduction of a mutual friend or acquaintance. + +Frenchmen always stand with heads uncovered when a funeral passes, and +women bow for a moment. The well-bred American man and woman in France +will also observe this custom. Nor will they neglect to remain standing +while the _Marsellaise_ is being sung. + + +DINNER ETIQUETTE + +An invitation to dine should be accepted or declined promptly when one +is visiting in France. And one may not decline unless one has a very +good excuse, such as having a previous engagement, or being called away +on the day set for the dinner. + +It is considered polite to arrive twenty minutes or a half-hour before +dinner is served. If it is a formal and elaborate dinner, evening dress +should be worn; but afternoon or semi-evening dress is appropriate for +the informal dinner. It is not at all incorrect, if one is in doubt, to +ask the host or hostess whether one should wear full dress or not. It is +certainly wiser than to make oneself conspicuous by wearing different +dress from all the other guests. + +In France, the order in which the guests proceed to dinner is as +follows: the host leads the way with the woman guest of honor, or the +most distinguished woman guest, on his arm. Directly behind him follows +the hostess on the arm of the masculine guest to be honored; and they +are followed by the other guests, who proceed arm in arm. + +According to the latest dinner etiquette in France, coffee is served for +both the men and women at the dinner table. But when the dinner is very +large and fashionable, it is still customary for the women to retire to +the drawing-room, where the hostess presides over the coffee-urn. When +men and women leave the dining-room together, they resume the same order +as they observed when they entered it. + +The American who is a guest at a formal dinner in France should pay a +call upon the hostess within a week's time. This call is known as the +"_visite de digestion_." + + +FRENCH WEDDING ETIQUETTE + +Weddings are occasions of solemn dignity in every country, but in France +they are perhaps more dignified than anywhere else. Here no rice and old +shoes are cast after the bride and bridegroom--it would be considered a +most shocking thing to do. Good wishes, politely expressed, are the only +good-by offerings of friends and relatives. + +There are usually two ceremonies to be celebrated at the French +wedding--first the civil, and later the religious, marriage. At the +civil wedding, which is held two or three days before the religious +ceremony, only a few intimate friends and relatives of the two families +are present. But the ceremony at church is a very important affair and +all friends and acquaintances of both families are invited to attend. +Those who cannot attend should send cards of regret to the bride's +parents. + + +BALLS + +Very elaborate and gay indeed are the balls of France. There is, for +instance, the _bals blancs_, at which all ladies are gowned in pure +white and only maidens and bachelors are expected to be present. Men +guests at the _bal blanc_ wear the conventional evening dress. + +At a ball in France, a gentleman may request to dance with a lady +without having first been introduced to her. Even a total stranger may +approach a lady on the ballroom floor and ask for a dance. But it is +considered very bad form for a young man and woman to "sit out" a dance +together or retire to the veranda or lawn. + + +ABOUT CALLS AND CARDS + +If one expects to remain in France any length of time at all, it is +important that one know and understand the etiquette of calls and cards +in that country. + +Calls are paid just as frequently in France as they are in America. +Between two and six o'clock in the afternoon is the correct time for +calling in the former country. One observes very much the same +conventions of calling that one does here in America, except that the +gentleman wears both his gloves when entering a drawing-room, and that +the hostess does not rise to welcome a masculine caller. (However, the +French hostess always does rise to greet an elderly gentleman, a +distinguished person, or a member of the clergy.) + +French introductions are never haphazard, never careless. The hostess +introduces freely all the guests that assemble in her home, but she is +not, as the American hostess sometimes is, careless and hurried. In +acknowledging an introduction, a brief, polite greeting should be +expressed; French people rarely shake hands. + +The significance of the bent visiting card still remains in France, +though here in America it has been almost entirely eliminated. When a +hostess finds the card of a friend or acquaintance, with one of its +corners turned down, she knows that that friend called for the purpose +of a visit but found no one at home. In fact, that is almost the only +time when cards are left in France--when the person called upon is not +at home. However, a dinner call is often paid by the simple process of +card-leaving. + + +CORRESPONDENCE + +The French people are very particular in their correspondence. Certain +set rules of salutation and closing are observed, and the margins +themselves have a particular significance. For instance, when writing a +letter to a French person, a wide margin should be left on the left side +of the sheet; and the greater the social prestige and distinction of the +person addressed, the wider this margin must be. + +A man writing to another man who is an intimate friend begins his letter +in this manner: "Mon cher Frederick," or "Mon cher ami." The closing to +this letter would be, "Bien à vous," or "Bien cordialement à vous." When +the two men are not intimate friends, a letter should begin, "Cher +Monsieur," or "Mon cher Monsieur Blank," and should end with "Croyez à +mes sentiments dévoués." Strangers address each other merely as +"Monsieur," and close with "Recevez je vous prie l'assurance de ma +consideration distinguée." + +When writing to a woman friend, a man begins his letter with "Chère +Madame et ami," or "Chère Mademoiselle." But when he is a stranger or +just a slight acquaintance, he begins his letter with "Madame" and +concludes it with "Veuillez, Madame, reçevoir l'expression de tout mon +respect." The French have very pretty expressions of greeting and +conclusion, and they expect every well-bred person to use them. + +A woman writing to a gentleman addresses him in the following manner, if +he is an intimate friend: "Monsieur," or "Cher Monsieur Brown," and she +closes the letter with the courtesy phrase, "Agrèez, cher monsieur, +l'expression de mes sentiments d'amitie." Greetings and closings are +more formal when the woman addresses a masculine stranger or slight +acquaintance by letter. She begins simply with "Monsieur," and closes +with, "Veuillez, monsieur, reçevoir l'expression de mes sentiments +distingués." + +Special forms of address and conclusion are used when writing officers +in the French army. A general or commander are addressed in the +following manner: "Monsieur le général," or "Monsieur le commandant." +The letter should be couched in terms of most exact respect. +Tradespeople in France are addressed by letter in the following manner: +"Monsieur C.," or "Madame C.," and the conclusion should be, "Agrèez, +Monsieur C., mes civilités." A servant should be addressed with "Je prie +M. Smith (or Mad. Smith) de vouloir bien." + +In France abbreviations on the envelope are considered very bad form. +M. may never be used for Monsieur, nor may Mlle, be used for +Mademoiselle. The full title and name must appear on the envelope. + + +THE AMERICAN IN GERMANY + +The American who finds himself in Germany for the first time is likely +to be puzzled and embarrassed by the numerous different manners and +customs in each little town and duchy. What is correct in one place, may +be incorrect elsewhere. Thus it is impossible to give certain rules of +etiquette to be followed by the American in the German Empire. He must +be guided by good judgment and by the advice of his German friends. + +However, one may be certain of one thing--throughout the length and +breadth of the German empire the greatest ceremony is observed in +correspondence of all kinds. As great courtesy and respect is paid the +stranger as the friend. When writing to a man or woman of social +distinction, this impressive inscription appears on the envelope and +begins the letter: "To the high and well-born Mrs. Robert Smith." It +sounds, perhaps, a trifle crude in the English, but in the native German +it is a pretty and courteous phrase and a true expression of respect. + +When writing to a person of lesser social importance, as a business +letter, for instance, one should begin with "Honored Sir." The +expression, "Lieber Freund," should be used only when writing informally +to a dear friend. In fact, the same method of address as is used in +writing English letters may be used when writing to friends and +acquaintances in Germany. + +The hours for paying calls and leaving cards differ in the various +localities. Ordinarily, the correct time would be between half-past +three and half-past four o'clock in the afternoon, although in some +localities calls are not considered correct before five o'clock. In +Germany, card-leaving should be followed in the same manner as +card-leaving in the United States. + +When meeting a feminine acquaintance in Germany, the American gentleman +does not wait for recognition to come from her, but immediately bows and +raises his hat. As in France, he may request a lady to dance with him, +at a ball, without having first requested an introduction. And also, as +in France, it is considered polite to bow and raise one's hat to the +ladies who are at the same hotel, although here again, the privilege +does not serve as an introduction. + +At all times, men and women in Germany should be given full recognition +of their titles and positions. A German woman always enjoys the title +bestowed upon her husband. The wife of a general expects to be addressed +as "Mrs. General Blank," and the wife of a doctor should be called "Mrs. +Doctor Blank." Men of official or professional rank and titles are +addressed as, "Mr. Professor, Mr. General, Mr. Doctor, etc." "Herr +Doktor Smith" is the correct German form--and to omit the _Herr_ is a +breach of good conduct. + + +THE PERFECT AMERICAN TOURIST + +Unfortunately, there are some Americans who go abroad each year merely +because it is the "fashion" to do so, and because they wish to impress +their friends and acquaintances at home with their social distinction +and importance. These people are wont to let their money talk for +them--instead of their manners. But there are many things that wealth +will not excuse; and among them is lack of courtesy and breeding. + +The American abroad, whether he is traveling for pastime, pleasure or +business, should remember primarily that he is a representative of the +United States, and that as such he owes his country the duty of making +his manners a polished reflection of the manners of all Americans. He +must be courteous, polite, kind, _gentlemanly_. He must conform with the +customs of the country he chances to be in, and he must avoid all +suggestion of superiority on his part, or disdain for the customs of the +other country. + +There is a certain fellow-feeling, a certain sympathy and kindliness +that can take the place of conventionalities when one is not sure of the +customs of certain countries. Perhaps you do not know the French +language, and you wish to have a window raised while you are traveling +on a French railroad. Is it forgivable to bend across a man or woman and +raise the window without a word of excuse, or a cordial smile of +understanding? And yet how often do we see this thing done! Many a +seemingly well-bred man or woman will raise the window next to another +man or woman without so much as asking permission to do so! The proper +thing to do when one does not know the language, is to smile in a +cordial manner to the person or persons in the vicinity of the window, +indicate that you would like to have it raised, and wait until your +request is understood and granted before you venture to raise it. Then a +polite "Merci," which means "Thank you," and which everyone should know +and remember, should be given. + +It is not always easy to do and say what is absolutely correct when one +is in a strange country among people who speak a strange language. But +he who is kind and courteous at all times, who has a ready smile and a +polished manner, will avoid much of the embarrassment that awaits the +tourist who is indifferent and careless. The proverb, "All doors open to +courtesy," is as true in France and England as it is in America. + + + + +_APPENDIX_ + +FOREIGN WORDS IN FREQUENT SOCIAL USAGE + + +Ad infinitum, L., to infinity. + +À la carte, Fr., according to the bill of fare at table. + +À la mode, Fr., according to the mode or fashion. + +À la Russe, Fr., according to the Russian fashion (individual portions). + +A propos, L., to the point. + +Au fait, Fr., well-versed in social custom. + +Au revoir, Fr., good-by till we meet again. + +Ben educato, It., well educated. + +Billet d'amour, Fr., love letter. + +Blasé, Fr., world-weary. + +Bona fide, L., in good faith. + +Bonbonnière, Fr., bonbon dish. + +Bon jour, Fr., good morning; good day. + +Bon ton, Fr., fashionable society. + +Bon voyage, Fr., good journey to you. + +Bouillion, Fr., a clear broth. + +Boutonnière, Fr., a flower for the buttonhole. + +Buffet, Fr., a sideboard for china, silver or glass. + +Carte blanche, Fr., unconditional permission. + +Chancel, L., space in church reserved for the officiating clergy. + +Chère amie, Fr., dear friend (fem.). + +Coiffure, Fr., dressing of the hair. + +Collation, Fr., a light repast. + +Compotiers, Fr., dish for served stewed fruits or bonbons. + +Corsage bouquet, Fr., flowers fastened on bodice. + +Cortège, Fr., a formal procession. + +Coterie, Fr., a social set; a clique. + +Cotillon, Fr., a dance for four couples. + +Coup d'état, Fr., a sudden decisive blow in politics. + +Débutante, Fr., a young lady just introduced to society. + +Décolleté, Fr., fashionably low-cut for evening wear. + +De luxe, Fr., of luxury; made with unusual elegance. + +Dénouement, Fr., the issue. + +Dramatis personæ, L., characters in the play. + +De trop, Fr., too much, too many. + +Demoiselle, Fr., young lady. + +Éclat, Fr., renown, glory. + +Élite, Fr., better society. + +En buffet, Fr., served from the buffet; no tables. + +En déshabille, Fr., in undress; négligée. + +En masse, Fr., in a mass. + +En route, Fr., on the way. + +En suite, Fr., in company. + +En toilette, Fr., in full dress. + +Entrée, Fr., a side-dish, served as one course of a meal. + +Entre nous, Fr., between ourselves. + +Ensemble, Fr., all together. + +E pluribus unum, L., one out of many. + +Et cetera, L., and everything of the sort. + +Et tu, Brute, L., and thou also, Brutus. + +Eureka, Gr., I have found it. + +Fête, Fr., a festive social occasion. + +Fête champêtre, Fr., an open-air festival or entertainment. + +Filets mignon, Fr., small pieces of beef tenderloin, served with sauce. + +Finesse, Fr., social art in its highest conception. + +Fondant, Fr., soft icing or glacé. + +Finis, Fr., the end. + +Garçon, Fr., boy. + +Grace à Dieu, Fr., grace of God. + +Hors d'œuvre, Fr., out of course; special course. + +In memorium, L., to the memory of. + +Le beau monde, Fr., the fashionable world. + +Lettre de cachet, Fr., a sealed letter. + +Ma chère, Fr., my dear (fem.). + +Mal de mer, Fr., sea-sickness. + +Mardi gras, Fr., Shrove Tuesday. + +Mayonnaise, Fr., a salad sauce of egg, oil, vinegar and spices beaten +together. + +Menu, Fr., bill of table fare. + +Mon ami, Fr., my friend (mon amie, fem.). + +Musicale, Fr., private concert. + +Négligée, Fr., morning dress; easy, loose dress. + +Noblesse oblige, Fr., rank imposes obligations; much is expected from +one in good position. + +Nom de plume, Fr., an assumed name of a writer. + +Notre Dame, Fr., Our Lady. + +O Tempora! O Mores! L., Oh the times! Oh the manners! + +Passé, Fr., out of date. + +Penchant, Fr., a strong or particular liking. + +Pièce de résistance, Fr., something substantial by way of entertainment; +most substantial course of a dinner; literally, a piece of resistance (a +main event or incident). + +Pour prendre congé, Fr., to depart, take leave. (P.p.c. on calling +cards meaning the departure of a caller for a long voyage, hence a +parting call.) + +Prima donna, Ital., the chief woman vocalist of a concert. + +Pro patria, L., for our country. + +Protégée, Fr., under the protection of another. + +Rendezvous, Fr., an appointed place for a meeting. + +R.s.v.p., Fr., (Répondez s'il vous plaît), please reply. + +Requiescat in pace, L., may he (she) rest in peace. + +Résumé, Fr., a summary or abstract. + +Salon, Fr., a drawing-room; the room where guests are received. + +Sang froid, Fr., coolness, indifference. + +Sans souci, Fr., without care. + +Savoir faire, Fr., knowledge of social customs; tact. + +Table à manger, Fr., dining-table. + +Table d'hôte, Fr., a public dinner at hotel or restaurant. + +Trousseau, Fr., the bridal outfit. + +Tout de suite, Fr., immediately. + +Tout ensemble, Fr., all together. + +Veni, Vidi, Vici, L., I came, I saw, I conquered. + +Verbatim, L., word for word. + +Vis-à-vis, Fr., face-to-face. + +Voilà, Fr., behold; there you are! + + * * * * * + +The following changes have been made: (note of etext transcriber) + +because of someone's else magnificent parties=>because of someone else's +magnificent parties + +avalance=>avalanche + +ones own sense=>one's own sense + +Many gentlemen, while speaking to ladies in the street, stand with their +uncovered=>Many gentlemen, while speaking to ladies in the street, stand +with their heads uncovered + +adddressed=>addressed + +Repondez s'il vous plâit=>Répondez s'il vous plaît + +the the elderly woman=>the elderly woman + +be be paid the taxi-driver=>be paid the taxi-driver + +be ill at east=>be ill at ease + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Book of Etiquette, Volume 2, by +Lillian Eichler Watson + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BOOK OF ETIQUETTE, VOLUME 2 *** + +***** This file should be named 7029-0.txt or 7029-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/7/0/2/7029/ + +Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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