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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at <a href = "http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a></pre> +<p class="noindent">Title: Monsieur de Pourceaugnac</p> +<p class="noindent">Author: Molière</p> +<p class="noindent">Release Date: February 21, 2003 [eBook #7009]<br /> +Most recently updated: February 21, 2009</p> +<p class="noindent">Language: English</p> +<p class="noindent">Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> +<p class="noindent">***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MONSIEUR DE POURCEAUGNAC***</p> +<p> </p> +<h3>E-text prepared by Delphine Lettau<br /> + and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> + (http://www.pgdp.net)</h3> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h1>MONSIEUR DE POURCEAUGNAC.</h1> + +<h4>BY</h4> + +<h1>MOLIÈRE</h1> + + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h4>TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH PROSE.</h4> + +<h4><i>WITH A SHORT INTRODUCTION AND EXPLANATORY NOTES.</i></h4> + +<h4>BY</h4> + +<p> </p> + +<h2>CHARLES HERON WALL</h2> + +<p> </p> + +<p>'Monsieur de Pourceaugnac', acted on October 6, 1669, is nothing but +a farce. But Molière excels in farce as well as in higher comedy, and +'Monsieur de Pourceaugnac' is one of the best of its kind. The +attacks upon the doctors of the time are not exaggerated. Molière +acted the part of Mr. de Pourceaugnac.</p> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h3>PERSONS REPRESENTED.</h3> +<div class="center"> + <table style= "margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="1" summary="PERSONS REPRESENTED"> + <tr> + <td align="left"> + <p class="noindent"> +<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac.</span> + +<span class="smallcaps">Oronte</span>, +<i>father to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Julia</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">Éraste</span>, +<i>lover to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Julia</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>, <i>a Neapolitan adventurer</i>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">First Physician</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">Second Physician</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">An Apothecary</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">A Peasant</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">A Female Peasant</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">First Swiss</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">Second Swiss</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">A Police Officer</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">Two Inferior Police Officers</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">Julia</span>, +<i>daughter to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Oronte</span>.<br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">Nérine</span>, +<i>an intriguing woman, supposed to come from Picardy.</i><br /> + +<span class="smallcaps">Lucette</span>, <i>supposed to come from Gascony.</i> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> +</div> + +<p class="center">The scene is in Paris.</p> + + +<hr class="narrow" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h2>ACT I.</h2> +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE I.——ÉRASTE, A LADY SINGER, TWO MEN SINGERS, <i>several others +performing on instruments</i>, DANCERS.</h3> + + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +(<i>to the</i> <span class="smallcaps">Musicians</span> <i>and</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Dancers</span>). Carry out the orders I have +given you for the serenade. As for myself, I will withdraw, for I do +not wish to be seen here.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE II.——A LADY SINGER, TWO MEN SINGERS, <i>several others +performing on instruments</i>, DANCERS.</h3> + +<div class="center"> +<table style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="3" summary="song"> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <span class="toctitle">LADY (<i>sings</i>).</span> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="left"> + <p class="noindent"> +Spread, charming night, spread over every brow<br /> +<span class="ind1">The subtle scent of thy narcotic flower,</span><br /> +And let no wakeful hearts keep vigil now<br /> +<span class="ind1">Save those enthralled by love's resistless power.</span><br /> +More beautiful than day's most beauteous light,<br /> +Thy silent shades were made for love's delight.</p> + </td> + </tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <span class="toctitle">FIRST SINGER.</span> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="left"> + <p class="noindent"> +Love is sweet when none our wills oppose;<br /> +Then peaceful tastes our gentle hearts dispose;<br /> +But tyrants reign, who gave us birth and life.<br /> +Ah! love is sweet when love is free from strife.</p> + </td> + </tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <span class="toctitle">SECOND SINGER.</span> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="left"> + <p class="noindent"> +All who strive 'gainst love must fall;<br /> +Perfect love will conquer all.</p> + </td> + </tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <span class="toctitle">ALL THREE.</span> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="left"> + <p class="noindent"> +Let us love with an eternal ardour!<br /> +<span class="ind1">Let parents frown, and try in vain to cure,</span><br /> +Absence, hardship, or cruel fortune's rigour<br /> +<span class="ind1">Will only strengthen love when true and pure.</span></p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> +</div> + + +<div class="center"><p class="noindent"><i>First entry of the</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Ballet</span>.</p> + +<p class="noindent">(<i>Dance of the two</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Dancing Masters</span>.)</p> + +<p class="noindent"><i>Second entry of the</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Ballet</span>.</p> + +<p class="noindent">(<i>Dance of the two</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Pages</span>.)</p> + +<p class="noindent"><i>Third entry of the</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Ballet</span>.</p> + +<p class="noindent">(<i>Four</i> <span class="smallcaps">Spectators</span>, + <i>who quarrelled during the dance, now dance,<br /> + sword in hand, fighting all the while</i>.)</p> + +<p class="noindent"><i>Fourth entry of the</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Ballet</span>.</p> + +<p class="noindent">(<i>Two</i> <span class="smallcaps">Soldiers</span> +<i>separate the combatants, and dance with them.</i>)</p> +</div> +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE III.——JULIA, ÉRASTE, NÉRINE.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Oh dear, Éraste! take care that we are not discovered. I am so +afraid of being seen with you; all would be lost after the command I +have received to the contrary.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +I see nobody about.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Nérine</span>). +Just keep watch, Nérine, and be careful that +nobody comes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +(<i>going to the farther end of the stage</i>). Trust me for that: and +say all you have to say to each other.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Have you thought of anything to favour our plan, Éraste? And do +you think that we shall succeed in breaking off that marriage which my +father has taken into his head?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +We are at least doing all we can for it, and we have ready many +schemes to bring such an absurd notion to naught.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +(<i>running towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Julia</span>). +I say, here is your father.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Ah! let us separate quickly.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +No, no; don't go; I made a mistake.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +How absurd you are, Nérine, to give us such a fright!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Yes, dear Julia, we have plenty of stratagems ready for the +purpose; and, in accordance with the permission you have given me, we +will not hesitate to make use of every means. Do not ask me what it is +we are going to do; you will have the fun of seeing it, and, as at a +comedy, it will be nice for you to have the pleasure of being +surprised without my letting you know beforehand what is going to take +place. This is telling you that we have many schemes in hand for the +occasion, and that our clever Nérine and the dexterous Sbrigani have +undertaken to bring the affair to a successful issue.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Yes, we have indeed. Is your father crazy to think of entangling +you with his lawyer of Limoges; that Mr. de Pourceaugnac, whom he has +never seen in his life, and who comes by the coach to take you away +before our very eyes? Ought three or four thousand crowns, more or +less—and that, too, upon the word of your uncle—to make him refuse a +lover you like? Besides, are you made for a Limousin? If he has taken +it into his head to marry, why does he not take one of his own +countrywomen, and let Christians be at peace? The very name of +Pourceaugnac puts me in a frightful rage. I boil over with Mr. de +Pourceaugnac. If it were only because of the name, I would do anything +to prevent the match. No, you shall not be Mrs. de Pourceaugnac. +Pourceaugnac! Was ever such a name heard of!<a href="#fmdp1"><small><sup>1</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp1r" id="fmdp1r"></a> No, I could never put +up with Pourceaugnac; and we will abuse the man to such an extent, and +play him so many tricks, that he will have to return to Limoges, Mr. +de Pourceaugnac.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Here is our cunning Neapolitan, who will give us news.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE IV.——JULIA, ÉRASTE, SBRIGANI, NÉRINE.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Our man has just come, Sir. I saw him at a place three leagues +away from here, where the coach stops; and I studied him for more than +half an hour in the kitchen, where he went down to breakfast, and I +know him now perfectly. As to his appearance, I will say nothing about +it; you will see for yourselves what nature has done for him, and if +his dress is not the very thing to set that off. But as for his +understanding, I can tell you beforehand that it is among the dullest +I have met with for a long time. We shall find in him a fit subject to +work upon as we like. He is just the man to fall into all the traps +laid for him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Is all that possible?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Perfectly true, and I am skilled in the knowledge of men.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. (<i>pointing to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>). This is a famous man, Madam; and your +affair could not be trusted to better hands. He is the hero of the +age, for the wonders he has performed. A man who, twenty times in his +life, has generously braved the galleys to serve his friends; who, at +the peril of his arms and shoulders,<a href="#fmdp2"><small><sup>2</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp2r" id="fmdp2r"></a> knows how to bring to a +successful issue the most difficult enterprises; and who is, in short, +banished from his country for I don't know how many honourable actions +he has generously engaged in.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I am ashamed to hear the praises with which you honour me, and I +could most justly extol the marvellous things you did in your life; I +could particularly speak of the glory you acquired when you cheated at +play that young nobleman we brought to your house, and won twelve +thousand crowns from him; when you handsomely made that false contract +which ruined a whole family; when with such greatness of soul you +denied all knowledge of the deposit which had been entrusted to you, +and so generously gave evidence which hung two innocent people.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +These are trifles not worth mentioning, and your praises make me +blush.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Then I will spare your modesty. Let us leave that aside, and +speak of our business. To begin with, I will quickly rejoin our +countryman, while you, on your side, will see that all the other +actors in the comedy are kept in readiness.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +And you, Madam, pray remember your part, that in order to conceal +our aim the better, you are to affect to be quite perfectly delighted +with your father's resolutions.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +If it only depends on that, things will be sure to succeed.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +But, dear Julia, if everything were to fail?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +I will declare my real inclinations to my father.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +And if he persists in his designs in spite of your inclinations?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +I will threaten to shut myself up in a convent.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +But if, notwithstanding all that, he wished to force you to this +marriage?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Why, what would you have me say?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +What do I want you to say?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +What is said when one loves truly?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +But what?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +That nothing shall force you; that in spite of all your father +can do, you promise to be mine.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Ah me! Éraste, be satisfied with what I do now, and leave the +future alone. Do not perplex me in my duty, by speaking of sad +expedients to which we may not be obliged to have recourse. Allow me +to be led by the course of events.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. Will …</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Sir, here is our man. Be careful.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Ah! what a guy!<a href="#fmdp3"><small><sup>3</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp3r" id="fmdp3r"></a></p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE V.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>turning to the side he came from, and speaking to the +people who are following him</i>). Well, what is it? What is the matter? +What do you want? Deuce take this stupid town, and the people who live +in it! Nobody can walk a step without meeting a lot of asses staring +and laughing like fools at one. You boobies, mind your business; and +let folk pass without grinning in their faces. Deuce take me if I +don't knock down the first man I see laughing.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +(<i>speaking to the same people</i>). What are you about? What is the +meaning of such conduct? What is it you want? Is it right to make fun +like that of strangers who come here?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Here is a man of sense at last.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +What manners! And what is there to laugh at?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Quite right.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Is there anything ridiculous in this gentleman?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I ask you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Is he not like other people?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Am I crooked or hunchbacked?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Learn to distinguish people.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Well said.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +This gentleman's qualities call for your respect.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Perfectly true.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +He is a person of quality.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes, a gentleman from Limoges.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +A man of intelligence.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Who has studied the law.<a href="#fmdp4"><small><sup>4</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp4r" id="fmdp4r"></a></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +He does you too much honour in coming to this town.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ay, indeed.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +This gentleman has nothing in him that can make you laugh.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Certainly not.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +And the first who laughs at him, I will call to account.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>). +Sir, I am extremely, obliged to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I am sorry, Sir, to see a person like you received after such a +fashion.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Your servant, Sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I saw you breakfasting this morning, Sir, with the other +passengers; and the grace with which you ate created in me at once a +great friendship for you; and as I know that you have never been here +before, and that you are a perfect stranger, I am glad I met you, to +offer you my services at your arrival, and to assist you among these +people, who do not always behave to strangers of quality as they +should.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +You are really very kind.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I have told you already; the moment I saw you, I felt an +inclination for you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am greatly obliged to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Your countenance pleased me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +You do me much honour.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I read honesty in it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am your servant.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Something amiable.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ah! ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Graceful.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ah! ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Sweet.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ah! ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Majestic.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ah! ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Frank.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ah! ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +And cordial.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Ah! ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Believe that I am entirely yours.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am greatly obliged to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I speak from the bottom of my heart.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I believe you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +If I had the honour of being known to you, you would find that I +am altogether sincere.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I do not doubt it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +An enemy to deceit.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I feel sure of it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +And that I am incapable of disguising my thoughts.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +It is exactly what I think.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +You look at my dress, which is not like that of other people; +but I came originally from Naples, at your service; and I always like +to keep up the way of dressing as well as the sincerity of my +country.<a href="#fmdp5"><small><sup>5</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp5r" id="fmdp5r"></a></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +You are quite right. For my part, I was desirous of +appearing in the court dress for the country.<a href="#fmdp6"><small><sup>6</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp6r" id="fmdp6r"></a></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Truly, it becomes you better than it does all our courtiers.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Exactly what my tailor told me. The coat is suitable and +rich; it will tell here among these people.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +You will go to the Louvre, no doubt?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes; I must go and pay my court.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +The king will be charmed to see you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I believe so.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Have you fixed upon rooms?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +No; I was going to look for some.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I shall be very glad to go with you; I know all this city well.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE VI.——ÉRASTE, MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Ah, who is this? What do I see? What a happy meeting! Mr. de +Pourceaugnac! How delighted I am to see you! What! anyone would think +that you find it difficult to remember me!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Sir, I am your servant.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Is it possible that five or six years can have made you forget +me? Do you not remember the best friend of the de Pourceaugnacs?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes, yes. (<i>Aside to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>) +Deuce take me if I know who +he is.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +There is not one of the de Pourceaugnacs of Limoges that I do +not know, from the greatest to the smallest; I visited only them +during my stay there, and I had the honour of seeing you every day.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +The honour was mine, Sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +You do not remember my face?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Yes, yes. +(<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>) I don't know him a bit.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +You do not remember that I had the pleasure of drinking with you +I don't know how many times?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Excuse me. +(<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>) +I don't know anything about it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +What is the name of that pastrycook who cooks such capital +dinners?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Petit-Jean.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Just so. We used often to go there together to enjoy ourselves. +How do you call that place where people go for a walk?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +The cemetery of the Arènes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Exactly. It is there I enjoyed so many happy hours of your +pleasant talk. Don't you remember it all now?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Pardon me; yes, I remember. +(<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>) Deuce take +me if I do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +(<i>aside to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>). +There are a hundred +things like that which one is apt to forget altogether.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Let us embrace, I pray, and renew our former friendship.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>). +This man seems to have a great +affection for you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Tell me some news of all the family. How is that gentleman +your … he who is such an honest man?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +My brother the sheriff? +<a href="#fmdp7"><small><sup>7</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp7r" id="fmdp7r"></a></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +He is as well as can be.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +I am delighted to hear it. And that good tempered man? You know, +your …</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +My cousin, the assessor?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Exactly.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Always gay and hearty.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +It gives me much pleasure to hear it. And your uncle, the …</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I have no uncle.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +But you had one in those days?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +No; only an aunt….</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Ah! it's what I meant; your aunt; Mrs…. How is she?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +She died six months ago.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Alas! poor woman. She was so good, too!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +We have also my nephew, the canon, who almost died of the +smallpox.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +What a pity if it had happened!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Do you know him also?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Indeed I do; a tall handsome fellow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Not so very tall.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +No; but well-shaped.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes, yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +He's your nephew, isn't he?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Son of your brother or your sister?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. True.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +A canon of the church of…. How do you call it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Saint Stephen.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Just so; I don't know any other.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>). +He knows all my relations.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +He knows you better than you think.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +You must have lived a long time in our town, I see.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Two whole years.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +You were there, then, when our governor was godfather to my +cousin the assessor's child?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +To be sure; I was one of the first invited.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +The thing was well done.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. Very.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +The dinner was well got up.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Yes, indeed.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Then you must remember the quarrel I had with that gentleman +from Périgord.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +He met with his match, eh?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. Ah! ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +He slapped my face; but I paid him back handsomely.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Very handsomely. By the bye, I shall not allow you to go to any +other house but mine.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I would not….</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Nonsense! I will not allow one of my best friends to go anywhere +but to my house.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +It would be disturb….</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +No; deuce take it all. You shall stay with me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. (<i>to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>). +Since he will have it so, I advise +you to accept.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Where is your luggage?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +With my servant, where we stopped.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Send somebody to fetch it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +No. I forbade him to let it go out of his sight, for fear +of swindlers.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +You did quite right.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +It is good to be cautious in this place.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +We always know a man of sense.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I will accompany this gentleman, and bring him back where you +wish.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Do so. I have a few orders to give; but you only need come to +that house yonder.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +We will come back presently.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>). +I shall expect you with great +impatience.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>). +I find an acquaintance when I little +expected to meet with one.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +He looks like an honest man. (<i>Exeunt.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. (<i>alone</i>). +Ah! ah! Mr. de Pourceaugnac, you will get it hot! +Everything is ready, and I have only to give the word. Soho! there.</p> +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE VII.——ÉRASTE, AN APOTHECARY.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +I think, Sir, that you are the doctor to whom somebody went to +speak in my name.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +No, Sir. I am not the doctor; such an honour does not belong to +me. I am only an unworthy apothecary; at your service.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Is the doctor at home, then.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +Yes; he is in there, trying to get rid quickly of some patients. +I will tell him that you are here.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +No; you need not disturb him; I will wait till he has done. I +have to entrust to his care a certain relation of mine he was told +about today. He is attacked with a sort of madness that we should +like to see cured before we marry him to anyone.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +I know; I know all about it. I was there when he was told of this +affair. Upon my word, Sir; upon my word, you could not apply to a more +skilful doctor. He is a man who understands medicine thoroughly, as +well as I do my A B C;<a href="#fmdp8"><small><sup>8</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp8r" id="fmdp8r"></a> and who, were you to die for it, would not +abate one iota of the rules of the ancients. Yes, he always follows +the high-road—the high-road, Sir, and doesn't spend his time finding +out mares' nests. For all the gold in the world he would not cure +anybody with other medicines than those prescribed by the faculty.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +He is quite right. A patient should not wish to be cured unless +the faculty consents to it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +It is not because we are great friends that I speak so of him; +but it is a pleasure to be his patient, and I had rather die by his +medicines than be cured with those of another. For, whatever may +happen, we know for certain that things are always in due order; and +should we die under his care, our heirs have nothing to reproach us +with.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +A great comfort to a dead man.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +Certainly; it is pleasant to have died according to rules. +Moreover, he is not one of those doctors who let a disease off. He is +an expeditious man—expeditious, Sir, who likes to clear off his +patients; and when they are to die, the thing is done in no time.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +There is, to be sure, nothing like going through the business +quickly.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +Indeed, what is the use of haggling over the matter, and beating +so long about the bush? One should know offhand the long and short of +an illness.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +You are quite right.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +Why, he did me the honour of taking care of three of my children; +they died in less than four days, whereas with another they would have +lingered for more than three months.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +It is a blessing to have friends like these.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +Decidedly. I have still two children left, of whom he takes care +as if they were his own; he attends them, and physics them as he +pleases, without my interfering in the least; and very frequently on +my return from the city, I am quite surprised to find that they have +been bled or purged by his direction.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +This is kind care indeed!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +Here he is, here he is; here he is coming.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE VIII.——ÉRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY, COUNTRYMAN, +COUNTRYWOMAN.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">C. Man</span>. +Sir, he can hold out no longer; he says he feels the greatest +pains imaginable in his head.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +The patient is a fool; for in the disease by which he is +attacked it is not his head, according to Galen, but the spleen, +which must give pain.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">C. Man</span>. +However this may be, Sir, he has had for the last six months +a laxity with it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +That's right. It is a sign that his body is clearing. I will +go and see him in two or three days; but if he dies before, mind you +do not forget to give me notice, for it is not proper that a doctor +should go to visit a dead man.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">C. Wom</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Physician</span>). +My father, Sir, is getting worse and worse.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +It is no fault of mine; I send him remedies; why does he not +get better? How many times has he been bled?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">C. Wom</span>. +Fifteen times, Sir, in twenty days.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Fifteen times?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">C. Wom</span>. +Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +And he does not get better?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">C. Wom</span>. +No, Sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +It is a sign that the seat of the malady is not in the blood. He +must be purged as many times, to see if it is in the humours; and if +this does not succeed, we will send him to the bath.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +This is the <i>beau-idéal</i> of physic.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE IX.——ÉRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +(<i>to the</i> <span class="smallcaps">Physician</span>). +It was I, Sir, who sent to you few days ago +about a relation of mine who is not quite right in his mind; and I +want him to live in your house, as it would be more convenient for you +to attend to him, and to prevent him from being seen by too many +people.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Yes, Sir, I have got everything ready; and I will take the +utmost care of him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Here he is.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +That is most fortunate; for I have with me just now an old +physician, a friend of mine, with whom I should be glad to consult +concerning this disorder.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE X.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, ÉRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. De Pourceaugnac</span>). +I am obliged to leave you a moment +for a little affair which requires my presence; (<i>showing the</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Physician</span>) +but this person, in whose hands I leave you, will do for +you all he possibly can.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +I am bound by my profession to do so; and it is enough that +you should lay this duty upon me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. (<i>aside</i>). +It is his steward, no doubt; he must be a man of +quality.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Éraste</span>). +Yes, Sir; I assure you that I shall treat this +gentleman methodically, and in strict accordance with the rules of our +art.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Indeed, I do not ask for so much ceremony; and I have not +come here to trouble you so.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Such a duty is a pleasure to me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">1st Physician</span>). +Nevertheless, here are ten pistoles +beforehand, as an earnest of what I have promised you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +No, if you please; I won't hear of your spending anything +on my account, nor do I wish you to send for anything particular for +me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Ah, pray, do not trouble yourself; it is not for that you +imagine.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I beg of you to treat me only as a friend.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. It is exactly what I mean to do. +(<i>Aside to the</i> <span class="smallcaps">Physician</span>.) I +particularly recommend you not to let him slip out of your hands, for +at times he tries to escape.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +You need not fear.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. De Pourceaugnac</span>). +Pray excuse the incivility I +commit.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Don't mention it. You are really too kind.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE XI.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, 1ST PHYSICIAN, 2ND PHYSICIAN, +APOTHECARY.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +It is a great honour to me to be chosen to do you a service.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am your servant.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Here is a clever man, one of my brethren, with whom I will +consult concerning the manner of our treating you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +There is no need of so much ceremony, I tell you; I am +easily satisfied.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Bring some seats. (<i>Servants come in and place chairs.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. (<i>aside</i>). +These servants are rather dismal for a young man.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Now, Sir; take a seat, Sir. (<i>The two</i> <span class="smallcaps">Physicians</span> +<i>make</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. De Pourceaugnac</span> <i>sit between them</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>seated</i>). Your very humble servant. +(<i>Each</i> <span class="smallcaps">Physician</span> +<i>takes one of his hands, and feels his pulse.</i>) What are you about?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Do you eat well, Sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes; and drink still better.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +So much the worse! That great craving for cold and wet is a +sign of the heat and aridity that is within. Do you sleep well?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes; when I have made a hearty supper.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Do you dream much?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Now and then.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Of what nature are your dreams?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Of the nature of dreams. What the deuce is the meaning of +this conversation?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Have a little patience. We will reason upon your affair in +your presence; and we will do it in the vulgar tongue, so that you may +understand better.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What great reasoning is there wanted to eat a mouthful?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Since it is a fact that we cannot cure any disease without +first knowing it perfectly, and that we cannot know it perfectly +without first establishing its exact nature and its true species by +its diagnosis and prognosis, you will give me leave, you, my senior, +to enter upon the consideration of the disease that is in question, +before we think of the therapeutics and the remedies that we must +decide upon in order to effect a perfect cure. I say then, Sir, if you +will allow me, that our patient here present is unhappily attacked, +affected, possessed, and disordered by that kind of madness which we +properly name hypochondriac melancholy; a very trying kind of madness, +and which requires no less than an Æsculapius deeply versed in our +art like you; you, I say, who have become grey in harness, as the +saying hath it; and through whose hands so much business of all sorts +has passed. I call it hypochondriac melancholy, to distinguish it from +the other two; for the celebrated Galen establishes and decides in a +most learned manner, as is usual with him, that there are three +species of the disease which we call melancholy, so called, not only +by the Latins, but also by the Greeks; which in this case is worthy of +remark: the first, which arises from a direct disease of the brain; +the second, which proceeds from the whole of the blood, made and +rendered atrabilious; and the third, termed hypochondriac, which is +our case here, and which proceeds from some lower part of the abdomen; +and from the inferior regions, but particularly the spleen; the heat +and inflammation whereof sends up to the brain of our patient +abundance of thick and foul fuliginosities; of which the black and +gross vapours cause deterioration to the functions of the principal +faculty, and cause the disease by which he is manifestly accused and +convicted. In proof of what I say, and as an incontestable diagnostic +of it, you need only consider that great seriousness, that sadness, +accompanied by signs of fearfulness and suspicion—pathognomonic and +particular symptoms of this disease, so well defined by the divine +ancient Hippocrates; that countenance, those red and staring eyes, +that long beard, that habit of body, thin, emaciated, black, and +hairy—signs denoting him greatly affected by the disease proceeding +from a defect in the hypochondria; which disease, by lapse of time, +being naturalised, chronic, habitual, ingrained, and established +within him, might well degenerate either into monomania, or into +phthisis, or into apoplexy, or even into downright frenzy and raving. +All this being taken for granted, since a disease well-known is a +disease half cured, for <i>ignoti nulla est curatio morbis</i>, it will not +be difficult for you to conclude what are the remedies needed by our +patient. First of all, to remedy this obdurate plethora, and this +luxuriant cacochymy throughout the body, I opine that he should be +freely phlebotomised; by which I mean that there should be frequent +and abundant bleedings, first in the basilic vein, then in the +cephalic vein; and if the disease be obstinate, that even the vein of +the forehead should be opened, and that the orifice be large, so that +the thick blood may issue out; and, at the same time, that he should +be purged, deobstructed, and evacuated by fit and suitable purgatives, +i.e. by chologues and melanogogues. And as the real source of all this +mischief is either a foul and feculent humour or a black and gross +vapour, which obscures, empoisons, and contaminates the animal +spirits, it is proper afterwards that he should have a bath of pure +and clean water, with abundance of whey; to purify, by the water, the +feculency of the foul humour, and by the whey to clarify the blackness +of the vapour. But, before all things, I think it desirable to enliven +him by pleasant conversations, by vocal and instrumental music, to +which it will not be amiss to add dancers, that their movements, +figures, and agility may stir up and awaken the sluggishness of his +spirits, which occasions the thickness of his blood from whence the +disease proceeds. These are the remedies I propose, to which may be +added many better ones by you, Sir, my master and senior, according to +the experience, judgment, knowledge and sufficiency that you have +acquired in our art. <i>Dixi.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Phy</span>. +Heaven forbid, Sir, that it should enter my thoughts to add +anything to what you have just been saying! You have discoursed too +well on all the signs, symptoms, and causes of this gentleman's +disease. The arguments you have used are so learned and so delicate +that it is impossible for him not to be mad and hypochondriacally +melancholic; or, were he not, that he ought to become so, because of +the beauty of the things you have spoken, and of the justness of your +reasoning. Yes, Sir, you have graphically depicted, <i>graphice +depinxisti</i>, everything that appertains to this disease. Nothing can +be more learnedly, judiciously, and ingeniously conceived, thought, +imagined, than what you have delivered on the subject of this disease, +either as regards the diagnostic, the prognostic, or the therapeutic; +and nothing remains for me to do but to congratulate this gentleman +upon falling into your hands, and to tell him that he is but too +fortunate to be mad, in order to experience the gentle efficacy of the +remedies you have so judiciously proposed. I approve them in toto, +<i>manibus et pedibus descendo in tuam sententiam</i>. All I should like to +add is to let all his bleedings and purgings be of an odd number, +<i>numero deus impare gaudet</i>, to take the whey before the bath, and to +make him a forehead plaster, in the composition of which there should +be salt—salt is a symbol of wisdom; to whitewash the walls of his +room, to dissipate the gloominess of his mind; <i>album est +disgregativum visas</i>; and to give him a little injection immediately, +to serve as a prelude and introduction to those judicious remedies, +from which, if he is curable, he must receive relief. Heaven grant +that these remedies, which are yours, Sir, may succeed with the +patient according to our wish!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Gentlemen, I have been listening to you for the last hour. +Are we acting a comedy here?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +No, Sir; we are not acting a comedy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What does it all mean? What are you about with this +gibberish and nonsense of yours?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Ah! Insulting language! A diagnostic which was wanting for +the confirmation of his disease. This may turn to mania.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>aside</i>). With what kind of people have they left me here. +(<i>He spits two or three times.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Another diagnostic: frequent expectoration.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Let us cease all this, and go away.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Another: anxiety to move about.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What is the meaning of all this business? What do you want +with me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +To cure you, according to the order we have received.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Cure me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +S'death! I am not ill.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +It is a bad sign when a patient does not feel his illness.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I tell you that I am quite well.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +We know better than you how you are; we are physicians who +see plainly into your constitution.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +If you are physicians, I have nothing to do with you; and I +snap my fingers at all your physic.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +H'm! h'm! This man is madder than we thought.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +My father and mother would never have anything to do with +remedies; and they both died without the help of doctors.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +I do not wonder if they have begotten a son who is mad. (<i>To +the</i> <span class="smallcaps">2nd Physician</span>.) +Come, let us begin the cure; and, through the +exhilarating sweetness of harmony, let us dulcify, lenify, and pacify +the acrimony of his spirits, which, I see, are ready to be inflamed. +(<i>Exeunt.</i>)</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE XII.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC (<i>alone</i>).</h3> + +<p>What the devil is all this? Are the people of this place crazy? I +never saw anything like it; and I don't understand it a bit.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE XIII.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, TWO PHYSICIANS (<i>in grotesque +clothes</i>).</h3> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"> + (<i>They all three at first sit down; the</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Physicians</span> <i>rise up at +different times to bow to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>, +<i>who rises up as often +to bow to them in return</i>.) + </p> +</div> + +<div class="center"> +<table style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="3" summary="song"> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <span class="toctitle">THE TWO PHYSICIANS.</span> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="left"> +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="ind1">Buon dì, buon dì, buon dì!</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">Non vi lasciate uccidere</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Dal dolor malinconico.</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">Noi vi faremo ridere</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">Col nostro canto armonico;</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Sol per guarirvi.</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">Siamo venuti quì.</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">Buon dì, buon dì, buon dì!</span></p> + </td> + </tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <span class="toctitle">1ST PHYSICIAN.</span> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="left"> +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="ind1">Altro non è la pazzia</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Che malinconia.</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Il malato</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Non è disperato</span><br /> +Se vol pigliar un poco d'allegria,<br /> +<span class="ind1">Altro non è la pazzia</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Che malinconia.</span></p> + </td> + </tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <span class="toctitle">2ND PHYSICIAN.</span> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="left"> + <p class="noindent"> +Sù; cantate, ballate, ridete.<br /> +<span class="ind1">E, se far meglio volete,</span><br /> +Quando sentite il deliro vicino<br /> +<span class="ind2">Pigliate del vino,</span><br /> +E qualche volta un poco di tabàc.<br /> +Allegramente, Monsu Pourceaugnàc. +<a href="#fmdp9"><small><sup>9</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp9r" id="fmdp9r"></a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> +</table> +</div> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE XIV.——BALLET.</h3> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE XV.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +Sir, here is a little remedy; a little remedy which you must +take, if you please; if you please.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +How? I have no occasion for anything of the kind.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +It was ordered, Sir; it was ordered.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ah! What noise and bother.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Apo</span>. +Take it, Sir; take it, Sir. It will do you no harm; it will do +you no harm, &c.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span> <i>runs away, the</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Apothecary</span> <i>&c. after him</i>.)</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE XVI.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY, TWO PHYSICIANS (<i>in +grotesque clothes</i>).</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smallcaps">The Two Physicians</span>.</p> + +<div class="poem2"> + <p class="noindent">Piglialo sù,<br /> +Signor Monsu;<br /> +Piglialo, piglialo, piglialo sù,<br /> +Che non ti fara, male, &c.<a href="#fmdp10"><small><sup>10</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp10r" id="fmdp10r"></a> + </p> +</div> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h2>ACT II.</h2> + +<h3>SCENE I.——1ST PHYSICIAN, SBRIGANI.</h3> + + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +He has forced through every obstacle I had placed to hinder +him, and has fled from the remedies I was beginning to prepare for +him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +To avoid remedies so salutary as yours is to be a great enemy to +oneself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +It is the mark of a disturbed brain and of a depraved reason +to be unwilling to be cured.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +You would have cured him, for certain, in no time.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Certainly; though there had been the complication of a dozen +diseases.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +With all that he makes you lose those fifty well-earned +pistoles.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +I have no intention of losing them; and I am determined to +cure him in spite of himself. He is bound and engaged to take my +remedies; and I will have him seized, wherever I can find him, as a +deserter from physic and an infringer of my prescriptions.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +You are right. Your medicines were sure of their effect; and it +is so much money he takes from you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Where could I find him?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +No doubt, at the house of that goodman Oronte, whose daughter he +comes to marry; and who, knowing nothing of the infirmity of his +future son-in-law, will perhaps be in a hurry to conclude the +marriage.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +I will go and speak to him at once.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +You should, in justice to yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +He is in need of my consultations; and a patient must not +make a fool of his doctor.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +That is well said; and, if I were you, I would not suffer him to +marry till you have physicked him to your heart's content.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Leave that to me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. (<i>aside, and going</i>). +For my part, I will bring another battery +into play; for the father-in-law is as much of a dupe as the +son-in-law.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE II.——ORONTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +A certain gentleman, Sir, a Mr. de Pourceaugnac, is to marry +your daughter; is he not?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Yes; I expect him from Limoges, and he ought to have been here +before now.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +And he has come; he has run away from my house, after having +been placed under my care; but I forbid you, in the name of the +faculty, to proceed with the marriage you have decided upon, before I +have duly prepared him for it, and put him in a state to have children +well-conditioned both in mind and body.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +What is it you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Your intended son-in-law was entered as my patient. His +disease which was given me to cure is a chattel which belongs to me, +and which I reckon among my possessions. I therefore declare to you +that I will not allow him to marry before he has rendered due +satisfaction to the faculty, and submitted to the remedies which I +have ordered for him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +He is suffering from some disease?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +And from what disease, if you please?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Don't trouble yourself about that.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Is it some disease….?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Doctors are bound to keep things secret. Let it suffice you +that I enjoin both you and your daughter not to celebrate the wedding +without my consent, upon pain of incurring the displeasure of the +faculty, and of undergoing all the diseases which we choose to lay +upon you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +If that is the case, I shall take good care to put a stop to the +marriage.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +He was entrusted to me, and he is bound to be my patient.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Very well.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +It is in vain for him to run away; I will have him sentenced +to be cured by me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I am very willing.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +Yes; he must either die or be cured by me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I consent to it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +And if I cannot find him, I will make you answerable, and +cure you instead of him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I am in very good health.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Phy</span>. +No matter. I must have a patient, and I will take anyone I +can.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Take whom you will, but it shall not be me. (<i>Alone</i>) Did you +ever hear of such a thing!</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE III.——ORONTE, SBRIGANI <i>as a Flemish merchant</i>.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Sir, py your leafe, I pe one voreign marchant, and vould like +ask you one littel news.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +What, Sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Put you de hat on de head, Sir, if you pleace.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Tell me. Sir, what you want.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I tell nozink, Sir, if you not put de hat on de head.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Very well, then, what is it, Sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +You not know in dis town one Mister Oronte?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Yes, I know him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +And vat for one man is he, Sir, if you pleace?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +He is like any other man.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I ask you, Sir, if he one man of money is?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +But very mooch rich, Sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +It does me mooch pleasure, Sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +But why should it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +It is, Sir, for one littel great reason for us.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +But why?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +It is, Sir, dat dis Mr. Oronte his tauchter in marriage to a +certain Mr. Pourgnac gifes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. Well!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +And dis Mr. Pourgnac, Sir, is one man vat owes mooch golt to ten +or twelf Flemish marchants vat come here.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. T +his Mr. de Pourceaugnac owes a great deal to ten or twelve +merchants?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Yes, Sir; and for de last eight months ve hafe obtain one littel +judgment against him, and he put off all de credeetors till dis +marriage vat Mr. Oronte gifes to his tauchter.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Ho! ho! So he puts off paying his creditors till then?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Yes, Sir; and vid great defotion ve all wait for dis marriage.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +The idea is not bad. (<i>Aloud</i>) I wish you good day.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I tank de gentleman for de favour great.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Your very humble servant.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I pe, Sir, more great obliged don all py de goot news vat the +Mister gife me. (<i>Alone, after having taken off his beard, and taken +off the Flemish dress which he has put over his</i>) Things don't go +badly. All is going on swimmingly. I must throw off this disguise and +think of something else. We will put so much suspicion between the +father-in-law and his son-in-law that the intended marriage must come +to nothing. They are both equally fit to swallow the baits that are +laid for them, and it is mere child's play for us great sharpers when +we find such easy gulls.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE IV.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. (<i>thinking himself alone</i>). +<i>Piglialo sù, piglialo sù, +Signor Monsu</i>. What the deuce does it all mean? +(<i>Seeing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>) +Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +What is the matter, Sir? what ails you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Everything I see seems injection.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +How is that?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +You can't think what has happened to me in that house where +you took me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +No! What has happened?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I thought I should be well feasted there.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. Well?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I leave you in this gentleman's hands. Doctors dressed in +black. In a chair. Feel the pulse. In proof of what I say. He is mad. +Two big, fat-faced fellows, with large-brimmed hats. <i>Buon dì, buon +dì.</i> Six pantaloons. Ta, ra, ta, toi, ta, ra, ta, ta, toi. +<i>Allegramente, Monsu Pourceaugnac</i>. Take, Sir; take, take. It is +gentle, gentle, gentle. <i>Piglialo sù, Signor Monsu; piglialo, piglialo +sù.</i> I never was so surfeited with absurdities in all my life.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +What does it all mean?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +It means, Sir, that this gentleman, with all his kissing and +hugging, is a deceitful rascal, who has sent me to that house to play +me some trick.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Is it possible?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +It is, indeed. They were a dozen devils at my heels, and I +had all the difficulty in the world to escape out of their clutches.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Just fancy how deceitful people's looks are; I should have taken +him for the most affectionate friend you have. It is a wonder to me +how there can exist such rascals in the world.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +My imagination is full of it all; and it seems to me that I +see everywhere a dozen injections threatening me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +This is really too bad! how treacherous and wicked people are!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Pray, tell me where Mr. Oronte lives. I should be glad to go +there at once.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Ah! ah! you are of a loving disposition, I see; and you have +heard that Mr. Oronte has a daughter?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes; I am come to marry her.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +To ma … to marry her?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +In wedlock?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +How could it be otherwise?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Oh! it is another thing, and I beg your pardon.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What is it you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Oh, nothing.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +But, pray!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Nothing, I tell you. I spoke rather hastily.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I beg of you to tell me what it is.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +No; it is not necessary.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Pray do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +No; I beg you to excuse me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What! are you not one of my friends?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Yes, certainly; nobody more so.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Then you ought not to hide anything from me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +It is a thing in which a neighbour's honour is concerned.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +That I may oblige you to treat me like a friend, here is a +small ring I beg of you to keep for my sake.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Let me consider a little if I can in conscience do it. (<i>Goes +away a small distance from</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>.) He is a man who +looks after his own interests, who tries to provide for his daughter +as advantageously as possible; and one should injure nobody. It is +true that these things are no secret; but I shall be telling them to a +man who knows nothing about it, and it is forbidden to talk scandal of +one's neighbour. All this is true. On the other hand, however, here is +a stranger they want to impose upon, who comes in all good faith to +marry a girl he knows nothing about, and whom he has never seen. A +gentleman all openheartedness, for whom I feel some inclination, who +does me the honour of reckoning me his friend, puts his confidence in +me, and gives me a ring to keep for his sake. +(<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>) +Yes, I think that I can tell you how things are without +wounding my conscience. But I must try to tell it all to you in the +mildest way possible, and to spare people as much as I can. If I were +to tell you that this girl leads a bad life, it would be going too +far. I must find some milder term to explain myself. The word coquette +does not come up to the mark; that of downright flirt seems to me to +answer the purpose pretty well, and I can make use of it to tell you +honestly what she is.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +They want to make a fool of me then?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +But it may not be so bad as people think; and after all, there +are men who set themselves above such things, and who do not think +that their honour depends upon….</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am your servant; I have no wish to adorn my person with +such a head-dress, and the Pourceaugnacs are accustomed to walk with +their heads free.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Here is the father.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Who? this old man?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Yes. Allow me to withdraw.</p> + +<p> </p> +<h3>SCENE V.——ORONTE, MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Good morning, Sir; good morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Your servant, Sir; your servant.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +You are Mr. Oronte; are you not?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +And I, Mr. de Pourceaugnac.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Ah, indeed!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Do you think, Mr. Oronte, that the people of Limoges are +fools?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Do you think, Mr. de Pourceaugnac, that the people of Paris are +asses?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Do you imagine, Mr. Oronte, that a man like me can be dying +for a wife?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Do you imagine, Mr. de Pourceaugnac, that a daughter like mine +can be dying for a husband?</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE VI.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, JULIA, ORONTE.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +I have just been told, father, that Mr. de Pourceaugnac has come. +Ah, there he is, no doubt; my heart tells me so. How handsome he is! +How splendidly he holds himself. How pleased I am to have such a +husband!<a href="#fmdp11"><small><sup>11</sup></small></a><a name="fmdp11r" id="fmdp11r"></a> +Give me leave to kiss him and to show him….</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. Softly, daughter, softly.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. (<i>aside</i>). +Heyday! At what a pace she goes, and how she +takes fire!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I should very much like to know, Mr. de Pourceaugnac, for what +reason you …</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. (<i>approaches</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>, <i>looks at him with a +languishing look, and tries to take his hand</i>). How pleased I am to +see you! And how impatient I am to …</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Hey! daughter, go away; will you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. (<i>aside</i>). +What a free and easy young damsel!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I should like to know what made you have the boldness to…. +(<span class="smallcaps">Julia</span> <i>continues as above</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. (<i>aside</i>). By Jove!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Julia</span>). +Again! What do you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +May I not kiss the husband you have chosen for me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +No; go in.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Allow me to look at him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Go in, I tell you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +I should like to stop here, if you please.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I will not suffer it. If you do not go in immediately, I …</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Very well then, I will go in.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +My daughter is a foolish girl who does not understand things.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>aside</i>). How taken she is with me!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. ( +<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Julia</span>, <i>who has stopped</i>). +You won't go.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +When will yon marry me to this gentleman?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Never. You are not intended for him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +I will have him, I will have him; you promised him to me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +If I promised him to you, I take my promise back again.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>aside</i>). She would fain eat me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Do what you will, we will be married in spite of everybody.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I shall know how to prevent it, I forewarn you. What madness has +taken hold of her?</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE VII.——ORONTE, MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I say, our intended father-in-law, don't give yourself so +much trouble; I have no intention of running away with your daughter; +and your pretence won't take at all.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +And yours will in no way succeed.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Did you think that Leonardo de Pourceaugnac is a man to buy +a pig in a poke, and that he has not the sense to find out what goes +on in the world, and to see if, in marrying, his honour is safe?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I do not know what you mean; but did you take into your head +that a man of sixty-three years old has so little common sense, and +so little consideration for his daughter, as to marry her to a man +who has you know what, and who was put with a doctor to be cured?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +This is a trick that was practised upon me, and there is +nothing the matter with me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +The doctor told us so himself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +The doctor told a lie. I am a gentleman, and I will meet +him sword in hand.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I know what I ought to believe, and you can no more impose upon +me in this matter than about the debts you are bound to pay on your +marriage day.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What debts?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +It is of no use to affect ignorance. I have seen the Flemish +merchant who with other creditors obtained a decision against you +eight months ago.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What Flemish merchant? What creditors? What decision +obtained against me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +You know perfectly well what I mean.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE VIII.——MR. DR POURCEAUGNAC, ORONTE, LUCETTE.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +(<i>pretending to be a woman from Languedoc</i>). +<a href="#fmdp12"><small><sup>12</sup></small></a><a name="fmdp12r" id="fmdp12r"></a> +Oh, yèu be yur, +be'e! an' I've avoun thee to làs, àrter +all this yur tràepsin' vùrwurd +an' backward. Cans thee now, yèu rascal; cans leuk me in the fae-as?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What is it this woman wants?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +What do I want o' thee, yèu villun! Thee's mak wise neet to know +me, disn? an' thee disn turn rid nuther, èempodent oseburd that thee +art! What! thee witn turn colour vur to leuk me in the fae-as! (<i>To</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Oronte</span>) +I baent sàaf, Maister, nif'tis yèu that they do zay 'ee +weeshth vur to marry wi' the darter o'? but 'owsomever I zwear to yèu, +I be the weiv o' un, an' that zeben yur agone when 'ee was a +travellin' drue Pézenas, he made out, we' 'iz falseness, that 'ee +knowth zo wul 'ow vur act vur to come over my 'art, an' zo by one way +or tother vur to git me vur to gèe unmy 'an vur to marry un.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. Oh! oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +The rascal lef me dree yur àrterwurds, purtendin' that 'eed agot +some bizness vur to deu in 'iz own country, an' ivur sinz I 'ant +ayeard no news at all o' un; but when I wadn thinkin' nothin' 'tall +'bout 'ee, I yeard 'em say as 'ow 'ee was acomin' yur, into this yur +town, vur to be amarried agee'an wi' another young ummun, that her +father an' mother 'd apromised teu un athout knowin' nothin' 'ow that +'ee was amarried avore. Zo I starts toràcly, an' I be acome yur to +this yur place so zeun's ivur I pausible keud, vur to staup this yur +wicked marridge, an' vur to show op, avore all the wurld, the very +wissest man that iver was.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What wonderful impudence!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +Eempurence! Baent yèu ashèe'amd o' yurzul vur to mak sport o' +me, 'stid o' bein' abroke down wi' eenward feelins, that thee wicked +'art aurt vur to gee thee?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Do you mean to say that I am your husband?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +Villun! dis dare to zay tidn zo? Ah! thee's know wul 'nuf, wiss +luck to me, that tis all zo treu's the Gauspel; an' I weesh to Heben +twadn zo, an' that thee'ds alef me so èenocent an' so quiet like eens +I used to be, avore thy charms an' thy trumpery, bad luck, made me vur +to 'sake it all! I nivur sheudn abin abrought down vur to be the pour +weesh thing that I be now—vur to zee my man, cruel like, mak a +laughin' sport of all the love that I've a 'ad vorn, an' lef me athout +one beet o' pity, vur the mortal pàin I've abeared, 'bout the +shee'amful way 'eev asàrd me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Really, I feel quite ready to weep. Go! you are a wicked man!</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE IX.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, NÉRINE, LUCETTE, ORONTE.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. (<i>pretending to be from Picardy</i>). +<a href="#fmdp13"><small><sup>13</sup></small></a><a name="fmdp13r" id="fmdp13r"></a> +Oh! Aa can stand nowt +more; aa'm rait winded! Ah! good for nowt, thou's made me run well for +it; thou'lt not 'scape me now. Joostice! Joostice! Aa forbid the +weddin. (<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Oronte</span>) +He's my ain man, Mast-ther, and as sh'd joost +loik to ave him stroong up, the precious hang-dog there.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Another!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. What a devil of a man!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. An' what be yèu a-tullin' +o', wai yur vurbèedin' an' yur +'àngin'? Thiki man's yo-ur ùzban, is ur?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +You're rait, Missis, an aa'm joost his woif.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +That's a lie then; 'tis me that's the rail weiv o' un; an eef +'ee ought vur to be a'ànged, why 'tis me that ought vur to 'ave it +adeud.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Me; aa can mak nowt o' that soort o' talk.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +I do tul 'ee 'ow that I be 'is weiv.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +His woif?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +Ees fie!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Aa tell ye once more, that it's me at's joost that.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +An' I vows an' declares as 'ow tez me, my own zul.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +'Twere fowr yeer agone 'at he wed me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +An' me, tez zeben yur sinz 'e teuk me vur 'iz weiv.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Aa can proove aal 'at aa say.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +All my naibours knowth ut.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Owr town can well witness to it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +All Pézénas zeed us amarried.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +All Sin Quintin helpt at owr weddin'.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +Thur cant be nort more saafur.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Nowt can be more sartin.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. (<i>to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>). +Dis thee dare to zay òrt gin +ut, yèu villun?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. (<i>to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>). +Canst thou deny me, wicked man?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +One is as true as the other.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +What èemperence! What, yèu rogue, yèu don't mind poor leedle +Franky an' poor leedle Jinny—they that be the outcomin's o' our +marridge?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Joost look, there's cheek! What! thou's forgot yon poor cheel, +owr little Maggy, 'at thou's lef me for a pledge o' thy faith?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What impudent jades!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +Yur Franky! Yur Jinny, come both o' ee, come both o' ee, come an' +mak yur bad rascal of a father own to 'ow ee've asàrd all o' us.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Coom hither, Maggy, maa cheel, coom heere quick, an' shame your +fayther of th' impudence 'at he's gotten.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE X.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, ORONTE, LUCETTE, NÉRINE, SEVERAL +CHILDREN.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Chi</span>. +Fayther! fayther! fayther!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Deuce take the little brats!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Luc</span>. +What yèu, villun, artn thee fit to drap, vur to tak to yur +chillurn arter jis farshin, an' to keep thee eyes vàs, 'feerd thee +mids show lig a father teu 'em? Thee shetn git away vrom me, yèu +scàulus oseburd! I'll volly thee ivery place, and cry op thee +wickedness 'gin I've asàrd thee out, an' 'gin I've amade thee zwing. +Rascal, I sheud like vur to mak thee zwing vor't, an' that I sheud.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ner</span>. +Wilt not bloosh to spaik yon words, an' to tak no thowt o'th +kissin' o' yon poor cheel? Thou'lt not get clear o' ma claws; aa can +tell thee! an spoit o' thy showin' thy teeth, aa'l mak thee know 'at +aa'm thy woif, an' aa'l mak thee hang for it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Chi</span>. +Fayther! fayther! fayther!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Help! help! Where shall I run?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Go; you will do right to have him punished, and he richly +deserves to be hanged.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE XI.——SBRIGANI (<i>alone</i>).</h3> + +<p>Everything has been done according to my wish, and is succeeding +admirably. We will so weary out our provincial that he will only be +too thankful to leave the place.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE XII.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ah! I am murdered! What vexation! What a cursed town! +Assassinated everywhere!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +What is it, Sir? Has anything new happened?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes; it rains doctors and women in this country.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +How is that?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Two jabbering jades have just been accusing me of being +married to both of them, and have threatened me with justice.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +This is a bad business, for in this country justice is terribly +rigorous against that sort of crime.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Yes; but even if there should be information, citation, +decree, and verdict obtained by surprise, default, and contumacy, I +have still the alternative of a conflict of jurisdiction to gain time, +and a resort to the means of nullity that will be found in the court +case.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +The very terms, and it is easy to see that you are in the +profession, Sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I? Certainly not; I am a gentleman.<a href="#fmdp14"><small><sup>14</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp14r" id="fmdp14r"></a></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +But to speak as you do, you must have studied the law.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Not at all. It is only common sense which tells me that I +shall always be admitted to be justified by facts, and that I could +not be condemned upon a simple accusation, without witnesses, +evidence, and confrontation with my adverse party.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +This is more clever still.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +These words come into my head without my knowledge.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +It seems to me that the common sense of a gentleman may go so +far as to understand what belongs to right and the order of justice, +but not to know the very terms of chicane.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +They are a few words I remember from reading novels.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. Ah! I see.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +To show you that I understand nothing of chicane, I beg of +you to take me to a lawyer to have advice upon this affair.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Willingly. I will take you to two very clever men; but, first, I +must tell you not to be surprised at their manner of speaking. They +have contracted at the bar a certain habit of declaiming which looks +like singing, and you would think all they tell you is nothing but +music.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +It does not matter how they speak, as long as they tell me +what I wish to know!</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE XIII.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI, TWO LAWYERS, TWO +ATTORNEYS, TWO SERGEANTS.</h3> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="smallcaps">1st Lawyer</span> +(<i>drawling out his words</i>). +</p> + +<table style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="3" summary="song"> + <tr> + <td align="left"> +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="ind1">Polygamy's a case, you find,</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">A case of hanging.</span></p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +</div> +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"> + <span class="smallcaps">2nd Lawyer</span> +(<i>singing and speaking very fast</i>). + </p> + +<table style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="3" summary="song"> + <tr> + <td align="left"> +<p class="noindent"> + <span class="ind3">Your deed</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Is plain and clear,</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">And all the gear</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Of wigs and law</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Upon this flaw</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">One verdict bear.</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Consult our authors,</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Legislators and glossators,</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Justinian, Papinian,</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Ulpian and Tribonian,</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Fernand, Rebuffe, Jean Imole,</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Paul Castro, Julian Barthole,</span> +<a href="#fmdp15"><small><sup>15</sup></small></a><a name="fmdp15r" id="fmdp15r"></a><br /> +<span class="ind3">Jason, Aloyat, and Cujas</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">That mighty mind!</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Polygamy's a case, you'll find,</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">A case of hanging.</span> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + + <p class="noindent"> + <span class="smallcaps">Ballet</span>, + <i>while the</i> <span class="smallcaps">2nd Lawyer</span> <i>sings as before</i>. + </p> + +<table style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="3" summary="song"> + <tr> + <td align="left"> +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="ind2">All nations civilised,</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">French, Dutch, and English,</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Portuguese, Germans, Flemish,</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Italians and Spanish,</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">By wisdom's sceptre swayed,</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">For this the self-same law have made.</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">The affair allows no doubt,</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Polygamy's a case,</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">A case of hanging.</span> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + +<p class="noindent">(<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>, +<i>irritated, drives them all away.</i>) +</p> +</div> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h2>ACT III.</h2> + +<h3>SCENE I.——ÉRASTE, SBRIGANI.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Yes; everything is succeeding splendidly; and as his knowledge +of things is very shallow, and his understanding of the poorest, I put +him in such a terrible fright at the severity of the law in this +country, and at the preparations which were already set on foot to put +him to death,<a href="#fmdp16"><small><sup>16</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp16r" id="fmdp16r"></a> that he is determined to run away, and in order the +better to escape from the people who, I have told him, are placed at +the city gates to stop him, he has decided upon disguising himself as +a woman.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +How I should like to see him dressed up in that way!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Take care you carry out the farce properly; and whilst I go +through my parts with him, you go and … (<i>Whispers to him.</i>) You +understand, don't you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +And when I have taken him where I mean…. (<i>Whispers.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +All right.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +And when the father has been forewarned by me…. +(<i>Whispers.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. Nothing could be better.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Here is our young lady. Go quickly; she must not see us +together.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE II.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC (<i>as a lady</i>), SBRIGANI.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +For my part, I don't think any one can know you, and you look +exactly like a lady of birth.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am so astonished that in this province the forms of +justice should not be observed.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Yes; as I have already told you, they begin by hanging a man, +and try him afterwards.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What unjust justice!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +It is devilishly severe, particularly on this kind of crime.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Still, when one is innocent?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Ah me! They care little for that, and, besides, they have here a +most intolerable hatred for the people of your province; and nothing +gives them more pleasure than to hang a man from Limoges. +<a href="#fmdp17"><small><sup>17</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp17r" id="fmdp17r"></a></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What have the people from Limoges done to them?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +How do I know? They are downright brutes, enemies to all the +gentility and merit of other cities. For my part, I am in the greatest +fear on your account, and I should never comfort myself if you were +hanged.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +It is not so much the fear of death that urges me to fly as +the fact of being hanged, for it is a most degrading thing for a +gentleman, and would ruin one's title of nobility.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +You are right; after such a thing they would contest your right +of bearing a title of nobility.<a href="#fmdp18"><small><sup>18</sup></small></a> +<a name="fmdp18r" id="fmdp18r"></a> But, be careful, when I lead you +by the hand, to walk like a woman, and to assume the manners and the +language of a lady of quality.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Leave that to me; I have seen people of high standing in the +world. The only thing that troubles me is that I have somewhat of a +beard.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Oh! it's not worth mentioning. There are many women who have as +much. Now, let us just see how you will behave yourself. +(<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de +Pourceaugnac</span> <i>mimics a lady of rank.</i>) Good.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Why, my carriage is not here! Where is my carriage? Gracious +me! how wretched to have such attendants! Shall I have to wait all day +in the street? Will not some one call my carriage for me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Very good.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Soho! there, coachman. Little page! Ah! little rogue, what a +whipping you will get by and by! Little page-boy! little page-boy! +Where in the world is that page-boy? Will that little page never be +found? Will nobody call that little page for me? Is my little page +nowhere to be found?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Marvellous! But there is one thing that I see does not do. This +hood is a little too thin; I must go and fetch you a thicker one, to +hide your face better in case of any accident.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +What shall I do in the meantime?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Wait for me here. I will be back in a moment; you have only to +walk about.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span> +<i>walks forward and backward on the stage, +mimicking the lady of rank.</i>)</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE III.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, TWO SWISS.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. (<i>without seeing</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span> ). Come you, make +haste, mein comrad, ve vill, both of us, go to ze market-place; to zee +dis Porcegnac at de chustice, which him contemns to pe hung py de +neck.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +(<i>without seeing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span> ). +Ve moost hire one +vindow to zee dis chustice.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +Man says dat zey alreaty a great new gallow plant hafe, to +hang dis Porcegnac to it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +It will pe, yes, a great pleazure to see dis Limossin hung.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +Ja! to see him vaggle de feet up zere pefor all de peoples!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +He pe one funny man, he pe; man says dat he married dree +times hafe.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +Ze room fellow! he vant dree wifes all to himself! one fery +much pe quite enough for him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +(<i>perceiving</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>.) +Ah! goot tay, missy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +Vat do you zere all by self.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am waiting for my servants, gentlemen.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +You pe prooty, missy?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Gently, sirs.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +Missy, vill you come and amuse you on de market-place? Ve +will make you zee one little hanging fery prooty.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am much obliged to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +It is a Limossin chentleman vat will hung pe fery prootily +at a great gallow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am not desirous to see it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +You hafe one much funny prest….</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ah! this is too much! and such odious things are not said +to a woman of my position.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +You go avay.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +Me vill let not you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +Put I vill, I tell ye. (<i>Both lay hold of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de +Pourceaugnac</span> <i>roughly.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +I vill not let you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +You hafe told one fery mooch lie.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +You hafe told one lie yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Help! help! police!</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE IV.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, THREE POLICE OFFICERS, TWO SWISS.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +What is it? what is the meaning of this violence? and what are +you doing to this lady? Be off at once, unless you wish to be put in +prison.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Swiss</span>. +Goot, you gone, you vill not hafe her.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Swiss</span>. +Goot, you gone too, you vill not hafe her also.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE V.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, THREE POLICE OFFICERS.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I am much obliged to you, Sir, for saving me from those +insolent fellows.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +Oh! oh! This is a face which is deucedly like that which was +described to me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +It is not I, I assure you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +Oh! oh! what does this mean?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +I don't know.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +What is it, then, that makes you say that?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. Nothing.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +This manner of speaking is somewhat ambiguous, and you are my +prisoner.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +O, Sir, I pray!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +No, no; to judge by your appearance and your manner of speaking, +you must be that Mr. de Pourceaugnac we are looking for, although you +are disguised in this manner, and you must come to prison at once.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Alas!</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE VI.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI, THREE POLICE OFFICERS.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span> ). +Heavens! what does this mean?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +They have discovered who I am.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +Yes, yes; I am delighted about it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +(<i>to the</i> <span class="smallcaps">Officer</span>). +Ah, Sir! for my sake! do not take him to +prison; you know that we have been friends a long while.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +I cannot help it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +You are a man to hear reason. Is there no way of adjusting this +matter with the help of a few pistoles?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +(<i>to his subordinates</i>). Go farther back.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE VII.——MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI, A POLICE OFFICER.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span> ). +You must give him some money for him +to let you go. Be quick.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>giving some money to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>). +Ah! cursed place.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Here, Sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +How much is there?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +No; I have express orders.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. (<i>to the</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Officer</span>, +<i>who is going</i>). Pray wait. +(<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. de Pourceaugnac</span>) +Be quick, give him as much again.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps"> +Mr. Pour</span>. But …</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Be quick, I tell you; don't waste time; you would be happy, +would you not, if you were hanged?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +Ah! (<i>Gives more money to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +(<i>to the</i> <span class="smallcaps">Officer</span>). Here, Sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>). +I must go off with him, for I should not be in +safety here after this. Leave him to me, and don't stir from this +place.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +I beg of you to take the utmost care of him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Off</span>. +I promise you not to leave him one moment till I see him safe.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pour</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sbrigani</span>). +Farewell! This is the first honest man I +have found in this town.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE VIII.——ORONTE, SBRIGANI.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +(<i>affecting not to see</i> <span class="smallcaps">Oronte</span>). +Ah! What a strange adventure! +What terrible news for a father! Poor Oronte, how much I pity you! +What will you say? How will you ever be able to bear with such a +misfortune?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +What is it? Of what misfortune do you speak?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Ah, Sir! This wretch of a Limousin has run away with your +daughter!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Run away with my daughter!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Sbri</span>. +Yes; she became so infatuated with him that she has left you to +follow him. It is said that he has a charm to make all women fall in +love with him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Quick! Justice! Let the police be set after them!</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE IX.——ORONTE, ÉRASTE, JULIA, SBRIGANI.</h3> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Julia</span>). +Come along; you shall come in spite of yourself. I +will put you in your father's hands. Sir, here is your daughter, whom +I had to take by force from the man with whom she was running away; it +is not for her sake that I did it, but entirely for yours. For, after +such conduct, I ought to despise her, and it is enough to cure me +altogether of my love.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Ah! infamous girl that you are!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +(<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Julia</span>). +How could you treat me in that way, after all the +proofs of affection I have given you? I do not blame you for being +obedient to your father's will; he is wise and judicious in all he +does; and I do not complain of him for having preferred another to me. +They told him that that other man was richer than I by four or five +thousand crowns, and four or five thousand crowns are a good round +sum, and are enough to make a gentleman break his word; but that you +should forget in a moment all the love I had for you, suffer yourself +to fall madly in love with the first new-comer, and shamefully follow +him; without the consent of your father, after all the crimes that +were charged upon him! It is what all the world will condemn, and what +my heart can never cease to reproach you with.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Well, yes; I fell in love with him, and I wanted to follow him, +since my father had chosen him to be my husband. Whatever you may say, +he is a very honest man, and all the crimes they accuse him of are so +many detestable falsehoods.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Be silent; you are an impertinent hussy, and I know better than +you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +They are some tricks they have played him, and +(<i>showing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Éraste</span>) +it is he himself, no doubt, who managed it all, to disgust you with +him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +What! I should be capable of such a thing?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +Yes, you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Be silent, I tell you. You are a silly girl.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +You need not think that I have any wish to prevent the match, and +that it is because I love you that I hastened to rescue you. I have +already told you that it is only because of the regard I have for your +father. I could not bear to see an honourable man exposed to the shame +of all the gossip that would be occasioned by such an action.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I am truly and sincerely obliged to you, Sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Farewell, Sir! I had the greatest desire to enter into your +family; I did everything to deserve such an honour; but I have been +unfortunate, and you did not judge me worthy of that honour. It will +not prevent me from retaining towards you all those feelings of esteem +and regard which your person demands; and although I cannot be your +son-in-law, I shall always be at your service.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Stay. Your behaviour touches my heart, and I give you my daughter +in marriage.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +I won't have any other husband than Mr. de Pourceaugnac.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +And I will have you marry Éraste at once.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +No; I will not.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I shall give it you about the ears.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +No, no, Sir; don't use violence towards her, I pray you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I will have her obey me, and I will show her that I am the +master.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Do you not see how fast in love she is with that man; and would +you have me possess the body while another has the heart?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +He has thrown some charm upon her. You may be sure that she will +change before long. Give me your hand. Come.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jul</span>. +No!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +Ah! What, rebellion! Your hand, I tell you, at once. Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +Do not think that it is because of my love for you that I agree +to marry you; it is your father only I am in love with, and it is him +whom I marry.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Oro</span>. +I am truly obliged to you, and I add ten thousand crowns to my +daughter's portion. Quick; a notary to draw up the contract.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Era</span>. +In the meanwhile, let us enjoy the pleasures of the season, and +fetch in those masks whom the report of Mr. de Pourceaugnac's wedding +has attracted hither.</p> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>SCENE X.——A BALLET</h3> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<hr class="narrow" /> + +<p> </p> + + +<h4>FOOTNOTES</h4> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp1" id="fmdp1"></a><a href="#fmdp1r">1.</a> +Pourceaugnac equals <i>pourceau</i>, "a young pig," plus the local +ending <i>-gnac</i>.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp2" id="fmdp2"></a><a href="#fmdp2r">2.</a> +Compare the "royal cautery" in 'The Flying Doctor'.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp3" id="fmdp3"></a><a href="#fmdp3r">3.</a> +Sbrigani and Nérine are merely the conventional rogues of the stage. +Compare Mascarille, Scapin.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp4" id="fmdp4"></a><a href="#fmdp4r">4.</a> +Compare act ii. scene xii.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp5" id="fmdp5"></a><a href="#fmdp5r">5.</a> +The Neapolitans had no great reputation for sincerity.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp6" id="fmdp6"></a><a href="#fmdp6r">6.</a> +<i>Mode de la cour pour la campagne.</i></p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp7" id="fmdp7"></a><a href="#fmdp7r">7.</a> + <i>Consul</i> in the south equalled <i>échevin</i> in the north. Both words +are obsolete in this sense.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp8" id="fmdp8"></a><a href="#fmdp8r">8.</a> +<i>Ma croix de par Dieu</i>, "my Christ-cross-row," or +"Criss-cross-row," in old and provincial English.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp9" id="fmdp9"></a><a href="#fmdp9r">9.</a> +<i>Translation:</i></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">The Two Physicians</span>.</p> + +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="ind1">Good day, good day, good day!</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">Yield not yourself a prey</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">To melancholy sway.</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">We'll make you laugh, I trow,</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">With songs harmonious, gay.</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Unto us your cure is dear,</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">For that alone we're here.</span><br /> +<span class="ind1">Good day, good day, good day!</span> +</p> + + +<p><span class="smallcaps">1st Physician</span>.</p> +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="ind1">Nought else is madness true</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Save melancholy blue.</span><br /> +<span class="ind3">Not lost is he,</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Though sick he be,</span><br /> +Who sips of mirth the dew.<br /> +<span class="ind1">Nought else is madness true</span><br /> +<span class="ind2">Save melancholy blue.</span></p> + + +<p><span class="smallcaps">2nd Physician</span>.</p> +<p class="noindent"> +Up then! sing loud, and dance and play,<br /> +<span class="ind1">"Better still I'd do!" you say.</span><br /> +Delirium's nigh—if you must pine,<br /> +<span class="ind2">Take first some wine;</span><br /> +And sometimes, too, take your tabàc<br /> +Right joyfully, Monsu Pourceaugnac. +</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp10" id="fmdp10"></a><a href="#fmdp10r">10.</a> +Take it, take it. Sir; it will do you no harm, &c.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp11" id="fmdp11"></a><a href="#fmdp11r">11.</a> +See act i, scene iii.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp12" id="fmdp12"></a><a href="#fmdp12r">12.</a> + Somerset dialect is employed here.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp13" id="fmdp13"></a><a href="#fmdp13r">13.</a> + Lowland Scotch is employed here.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp14" id="fmdp14"></a><a href="#fmdp14r">14.</a> +Compare act i. scene v.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp15" id="fmdp15"></a><a href="#fmdp15r">15.</a> + The French forms have been retained for the sake of the rhyme.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp16" id="fmdp16"></a><a href="#fmdp16r">16.</a> + Bigamists were really put to death.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp17" id="fmdp17"></a> +<a href="#fmdp17r">17.</a> Molière seems to have had a +grudge against Limoges. Compare act i. scene i.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><a name="fmdp18" id="fmdp18"></a><a href="#fmdp18r">18.</a> +Noblemen were beheaded.</p> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MONSIEUR DE POURCEAUGNAC***</p> +<p>******* This file should be named 7009-h.txt or 7009-h.zip *******</p> +<p>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br /> +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/7/0/0/7009">http://www.gutenberg.org/7/0/0/7009</a></p> +<p>Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed.</p> + +<p>Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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