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+The Project Gutenberg eBook of Monsieur de Pourceaugnac, by Molière,
+Translated by Charles Heron Wall
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Monsieur de Pourceaugnac
+
+
+Author: Molière
+
+
+
+Release Date: February 21, 2003  [eBook #7009]
+Most recently updated: February 21, 2009  
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MONSIEUR DE POURCEAUGNAC***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Delphine Lettau and the Project Gutenberg Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net)
+
+
+
+MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.
+
+by
+
+MOLIÈRE
+
+Translated into English Prose.
+
+With Short Introductions and Explanatory Notes.
+
+by
+
+CHARLES HERON WALL
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+'Monsieur de Pourceaugnac', acted on October 6, 1669, is nothing but a
+farce. But Molière excels in farce as well as in higher comedy, and
+'Monsieur de Pourceaugnac' is one of the best of its kind. The attacks
+upon the doctors of the time are not exaggerated. Molière acted the part
+of Mr. de Pourceaugnac.
+
+
+
+
+PERSONS REPRESENTED.
+
+ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.
+ ORONTE, _father to_ JULIA.
+ ÉRASTE, _lover to_ JULIA.
+ SBRIGANI, _a Neapolitan adventurer_.
+ FIRST PHYSICIAN.
+ SECOND PHYSICIAN.
+ AN APOTHECARY.
+ A PEASANT.
+ A FEMALE PEASANT.
+ FIRST SWISS.
+ SECOND SWISS.
+ A POLICE OFFICER.
+ TWO INFERIOR POLICE OFFICERS.
+ JULIA, _daughter to_ ORONTE.
+ NÉRINE, _an intriguing woman, supposed to come from Picardy._
+ LUCETTE, _supposed to come from Gascony._
+
+The scene is in Paris.
+
+
+
+
+MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.
+
+
+
+ACT I.
+
+SCENE I.--ÉRASTE, A LADY SINGER, TWO MEN SINGERS, _several others
+performing on instruments_, DANCERS.
+
+
+ERA. (_to the_ MUSICIANS _and_ DANCERS). Carry out the orders I have
+given you for the serenade. As for myself, I will withdraw, for I do not
+wish to be seen here.
+
+
+SCENE II.--A LADY SINGER, TWO MEN SINGERS, _several others performing on
+instruments_, DANCERS.
+
+LADY (_sings_).
+  Spread, charming night, spread over every brow
+    The subtle scent of thy narcotic flower,
+  And let no wakeful hearts keep vigil now
+    Save those enthralled by love's resistless power.
+  More beautiful than day's most beauteous light,
+  Thy silent shades were made for love's delight.
+
+FIRST SINGER.
+  Love is sweet when none our wills oppose;
+  Then peaceful tastes our gentle hearts dispose;
+  But tyrants reign, who gave us birth and life.
+  Ah! love is sweet when love is free from strife.
+
+SECOND SINGER.
+  All who strive 'gainst love must fall;
+  Perfect love will conquer all.
+
+ALL THREE.
+  Let us love with an eternal ardour!
+  Let parents frown, and try in vain to cure,
+  Absence, hardship, or cruel fortune's rigour
+  Will only strengthen love when true and pure.
+
+_First entry of the_ BALLET.
+
+ (_Dance of the two_ DANCING MASTERS.)
+
+_Second entry of the_ BALLET.
+
+ (_Dance of the two_ PAGES.)
+
+_Third entry of the_ BALLET.
+
+ (_Four_ SPECTATORS, _who quarrelled during the dance, now dance, sword
+ in hand, fighting all the while._)
+
+_Fourth entry of the_ BALLET.
+
+ (_Two_ SOLDIERS _separate the combatants, and dance with them._)
+
+
+SCENE III.--JULIA, ÉRASTE, NÉRINE.
+
+JUL. Oh dear, Éraste! take care that we are not discovered. I am so
+afraid of being seen with you; all would be lost after the command I
+have received to the contrary.
+
+ERA. I see nobody about.
+
+JUL. (_to_ NÉRINE). Just keep watch, Nérine, and be careful that
+nobody comes.
+
+NER. (_going to the farther end of the stage_). Trust me for that: and
+say all you have to say to each other.
+
+JUL. Have you thought of anything to favour our plan, Éraste? And do
+you think that we shall succeed in breaking off that marriage which my
+father has taken into his head?
+
+ERA. We are at least doing all we can for it, and we have ready many
+schemes to bring such an absurd notion to naught.
+
+NER. (_running towards_ JULIA). I say, here is your father.
+
+JUL. Ah! let us separate quickly.
+
+NER. No, no; don't go; I made a mistake.
+
+JUL. How absurd you are, Nérine, to give us such a fright!
+
+ERA. Yes, dear Julia, we have plenty of stratagems ready for the
+purpose; and, in accordance with the permission you have given me, we
+will not hesitate to make use of every means. Do not ask me what it is
+we are going to do; you will have the fun of seeing it, and, as at a
+comedy, it will be nice for you to have the pleasure of being
+surprised without my letting you know beforehand what is going to take
+place. This is telling you that we have many schemes in hand for the
+occasion, and that our clever Nérine and the dexterous Sbrigani have
+undertaken to bring the affair to a successful issue.
+
+NER. Yes, we have indeed. Is your father crazy to think of entangling
+you with his lawyer of Limoges; that Mr. de Pourceaugnac, whom he has
+never seen in his life, and who comes by the coach to take you away
+before our very eyes? Ought three or four thousand crowns, more or
+less--and that, too, upon the word of your uncle--to make him refuse a
+lover you like? Besides, are you made for a Limousin? If he has taken it
+into his head to marry, why does he not take one of his own
+countrywomen, and let Christians be at peace? The very name of
+Pourceaugnac puts me in a frightful rage. I boil over with Mr. de
+Pourceaugnac. If it were only because of the name, I would do anything
+to prevent the match. No, you shall not be Mrs. de Pourceaugnac.
+Pourceaugnac! Was ever such a name heard of![1] No, I could never put up
+with Pourceaugnac; and we will abuse the man to such an extent, and play
+him so many tricks, that he will have to return to Limoges, Mr. de
+Pourceaugnac.
+
+ERA. Here is our cunning Neapolitan, who will give us news.
+
+
+SCENE IV.--JULIA, ÉRASTE, SBRIGANI, NÉRINE.
+
+SBRI. Our man has just come, Sir. I saw him at a place three leagues
+away from here, where the coach stops; and I studied him for more than
+half an hour in the kitchen, where he went down to breakfast, and I know
+him now perfectly. As to his appearance, I will say nothing about it;
+you will see for yourselves what nature has done for him, and if his
+dress is not the very thing to set that off. But as for his
+understanding, I can tell you beforehand that it is among the dullest I
+have met with for a long time. We shall find in him a fit subject to
+work upon as we like. He is just the man to fall into all the traps laid
+for him.
+
+ERA. Is all that possible?
+
+SBRI. Perfectly true, and I am skilled in the knowledge of men.
+
+NER. (_pointing to_ SBRIGANI). This is a famous man, Madam; and your
+affair could not be trusted to better hands. He is the hero of the age,
+for the wonders he has performed. A man who, twenty times in his life,
+has generously braved the galleys to serve his friends; who, at the
+peril of his arms and shoulders,[2] knows how to bring to a successful
+issue the most difficult enterprises; and who is, in short, banished
+from his country for I don't know how many honourable actions he has
+generously engaged in.
+
+SBRI. I am ashamed to hear the praises with which you honour me, and I
+could most justly extol the marvellous things you did in your life; I
+could particularly speak of the glory you acquired when you cheated at
+play that young nobleman we brought to your house, and won twelve
+thousand crowns from him; when you handsomely made that false contract
+which ruined a whole family; when with such greatness of soul you denied
+all knowledge of the deposit which had been entrusted to you, and so
+generously gave evidence which hung two innocent people.
+
+NER. These are trifles not worth mentioning, and your praises make me
+blush.
+
+SBRI. Then I will spare your modesty. Let us leave that aside, and speak
+of our business. To begin with, I will quickly rejoin our countryman,
+while you, on your side, will see that all the other actors in the
+comedy are kept in readiness.
+
+ERA. And you, Madam, pray remember your part, that in order to conceal
+our aim the better, you are to affect to be quite perfectly delighted
+with your father's resolutions.
+
+JUL. If it only depends on that, things will be sure to succeed.
+
+ERA. But, dear Julia, if everything were to fail?
+
+JUL. I will declare my real inclinations to my father.
+
+ERA. And if he persists in his designs in spite of your inclinations?
+
+JUL. I will threaten to shut myself up in a convent.
+
+ERA. But if, notwithstanding all that, he wished to force you to this
+marriage?
+
+JUL. Why, what would you have me say?
+
+ERA. What do I want you to say?
+
+JUL. Yes.
+
+ERA. What is said when one loves truly?
+
+JUL. But what?
+
+ERA. That nothing shall force you; that in spite of all your father
+can do, you promise to be mine.
+
+JUL. Ah me! Éraste, be satisfied with what I do now, and leave the
+future alone. Do not perplex me in my duty, by speaking of sad
+expedients to which we may not be obliged to have recourse. Allow me
+to be led by the course of events.
+
+ERA. Will....
+
+SBRI. Sir, here is our man. Be careful.
+
+NER. Ah! what a guy![3]
+
+
+SCENE V.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.
+
+MR. POUR. (_turning to the side he came from, and speaking to the
+people who are following him_). Well, what is it? What is the matter?
+What do you want? Deuce take this stupid town, and the people who live
+in it! Nobody can walk a step without meeting a lot of asses staring
+and laughing like fools at one. You boobies, mind your business; and
+let folk pass without grinning in their faces. Deuce take me if I
+don't knock down the first man I see laughing.
+
+SBRI. (_speaking to the same people_). What are you about? What is the
+meaning of such conduct? What is it you want? Is it right to make fun
+like that of strangers who come here?
+
+MR. POUR. Here is a man of sense at last.
+
+SBRI. What manners! And what is there to laugh at?
+
+MR. POUR. Quite right.
+
+SBRI. Is there anything ridiculous in this gentleman?
+
+MR. POUR. I ask you?
+
+SBRI. Is he not like other people?
+
+MR. POUR. Am I crooked or hunchbacked?
+
+SBRI. Learn to distinguish people.
+
+MR. POUR. Well said.
+
+SBRI. This gentleman's qualities call for your respect.
+
+MR. POUR. Perfectly true.
+
+SBRI. He is a person of quality.
+
+MR. POUR. Yes, a gentleman from Limoges.
+
+SBRI. A man of intelligence.
+
+MR. POUR. Who has studied the law.[4]
+
+SBRI. He does you too much honour in coming to this town.
+
+MR. POUR. Ay, indeed.
+
+SBRI. This gentleman has nothing in him that can make you laugh.
+
+MR. POUR. Certainly not.
+
+SBRI. And the first who laughs at him, I will call to account.
+
+MR. POUR. (_to_ SBRIGANI). Sir, I am extremely, obliged to you.
+
+SBRI. I am sorry, Sir, to see a person like you received after such a
+fashion.
+
+MR. POUR. Your servant, Sir.
+
+SBRI. I saw you breakfasting this morning, Sir, with the other
+passengers; and the grace with which you ate created in me at once a
+great friendship for you; and as I know that you have never been here
+before, and that you are a perfect stranger, I am glad I met you, to
+offer you my services at your arrival, and to assist you among these
+people, who do not always behave to strangers of quality as they
+should.
+
+MR. POUR. You are really very kind.
+
+SBRI. I have told you already; the moment I saw you, I felt an
+inclination for you.
+
+MR. POUR. I am greatly obliged to you.
+
+SBRI. Your countenance pleased me.
+
+MR. POUR. You do me much honour.
+
+SBRI. I read honesty in it.
+
+MR. POUR. I am your servant
+
+SBRI. Something amiable.
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! ah!
+
+SBRI. Graceful.
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! ah!
+
+SBRI. Sweet.
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! ah!
+
+SBRI. Majestic.
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! ah!
+
+SBRI. Frank.
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! ah!
+
+SBRI. And cordial.
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! ah!
+
+SBRI. Believe that I am entirely yours.
+
+MR. POUR. I am greatly obliged to you.
+
+SBRI. I speak from the bottom of my heart.
+
+MR. POUR. I believe you.
+
+SBRI. If I had the honour of being known to you, you would find that I
+am altogether sincere.
+
+MR. POUR. I do not doubt it.
+
+SBRI. An enemy to deceit.
+
+MR. POUR. I feel sure of it.
+
+SBRI. And that I am incapable of disguising my thoughts.
+
+MR. POUR. It is exactly what I think.
+
+SBRI. You look at my dress, which is not like that of other people;
+but I came originally from Naples, at your service; and I always like
+to keep up the way of dressing as well as the sincerity of my
+country.[5]
+
+MR. POUR. You are quite right. For my part, I was desirous of
+appearing in the court dress for the country.[6]
+
+SBRI. Truly, it becomes you better than it does all our courtiers.
+
+MR. POUR. Exactly what my tailor told me. The coat is suitable and
+rich; it will tell here among these people.
+
+SBRI. You will go to the Louvre, no doubt?
+
+MR. POUR. Yes; I must go and pay my court.
+
+SBRI. The king will be charmed to see you.
+
+MR. POUR. I believe so.
+
+SBRI. Have you fixed upon rooms?
+
+MR. POUR. No; I was going to look for some.
+
+SBRI. I shall be very glad to go with you; I know all this city well.
+
+
+SCENE VI.--ÉRASTE, MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.
+
+ERA. Ah, who is this? What do I see? What a happy meeting! Mr. de
+Pourceaugnac! How delighted I am to see you! What! anyone would think
+that you find it difficult to remember me!
+
+MR. POUR. Sir, I am your servant.
+
+ERA. Is it possible that five or six years can have made you forget
+me? Do you not remember the best friend of the de Pourceaugnacs?
+
+MR. POUR. Yes, yes. (_Aside to_ SBRIGANI) Deuce take me if I know who
+he is.
+
+ERA. There is not one of the de Pourceaugnacs of Limoges that I do
+not know, from the greatest to the smallest; I visited only them
+during my stay there, and I had the honour of seeing you every day.
+
+MR. POUR. The honour was mine, Sir.
+
+ERA. You do not remember my face?
+
+MR. POUR. Yes, yes. (_To_ SBRIGANI) I don't know him a bit.
+
+ERA. You do not remember that I had the pleasure of drinking with you
+I don't know how many times?
+
+MR. POUR. Excuse me. (_To_ SBRIGANI) I don't know anything about it.
+
+ERA. What is the name of that pastrycook who cooks such capital
+dinners?
+
+MR. POUR. Petit-Jean.
+
+ERA. Just so. We used often to go there together to enjoy ourselves.
+How do you call that place where people go for a walk?
+
+MR. POUR. The cemetery of the Arènes.
+
+ERA. Exactly. It is there I enjoyed so many happy hours of your
+pleasant talk. Don't you remember it all now?
+
+MR. POUR. Pardon me; yes, I remember. (_To_ SBRIGANI) Deuce take
+me if I do.
+
+SBRI. (_aside to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). There are a hundred
+things like that which one is apt to forget altogether.
+
+ERA. Let us embrace, I pray, and renew our former friendship.
+
+SBRI. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). This man seems to have a great
+affection for you.
+
+ERA. Tell me some news of all the family. How is that gentleman
+your ... he who is such an honest man?
+
+MR. POUR. My brother the sheriff?[7]
+
+ERA. Yes.
+
+MR. POUR. He is as well as can be.
+
+ERA. I am delighted to hear it. And that good tempered man? You know,
+your ...
+
+MR. POUR. My cousin, the assessor?
+
+ERA. Exactly.
+
+MR. POUR. Always gay and hearty.
+
+ERA. It gives me much pleasure to hear it. And your uncle, the ...
+
+MR. POUR. I have no uncle.
+
+ERA. But you had one in those days?
+
+MR. POUR. No; only an aunt....
+
+ERA. Ah! it's what I meant; your aunt; Mrs.... How is she?
+
+MR. POUR. She died six months ago.
+
+ERA. Alas! poor woman. She was so good, too!
+
+MR. POUR. We have also my nephew, the canon, who almost died of the
+smallpox.
+
+ERA. What a pity if it had happened!
+
+MR. POUR. Do you know him also?
+
+ERA. Indeed I do; a tall handsome fellow.
+
+MR. POUR. Not so very tall.
+
+ERA. No; but well-shaped.
+
+MR. POUR. Yes, yes.
+
+ERA. He's your nephew, isn't he?
+
+MR. POUR. Yes.
+
+ERA. Son of your brother or your sister?
+
+MR. POUR. True.
+
+ERA. A canon of the church of.... How do you call it?
+
+MR. POUR. Saint Stephen.
+
+ERA. Just so; I don't know any other.
+
+MR. POUR. (_to_ SBRIGANI). He knows all my relations.
+
+SBRI. He knows you better than you think.
+
+MR. POUR. You must have lived a long time in our town, I see.
+
+ERA. Two whole years.
+
+MR. POUR. You were there, then, when our governor was godfather to my
+cousin the assessor's child?
+
+ERA. To be sure; I was one of the first invited.
+
+MR. POUR. The thing was well done.
+
+ERA. Very.
+
+MR. POUR. The dinner was well got up.
+
+ERA. Yes, indeed.
+
+MR. POUR. Then you must remember the quarrel I had with that gentleman
+from Périgord.
+
+ERA. Yes.
+
+MR. POUR. He met with his match, eh?
+
+ERA. Ah! ah!
+
+MR. POUR. He slapped my face; but I paid him back handsomely.
+
+ERA. Very handsomely. By the bye, I shall not allow you to go to any
+other house but mine.
+
+MR. POUR. I would not....
+
+ERA. Nonsense! I will not allow one of my best friends to go anywhere
+but to my house.
+
+MR. POUR. It would be disturb....
+
+ERA. No; deuce take it all. You shall stay with me.
+
+SBRI. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Since he will have it so, I advise
+you to accept.
+
+ERA. Where is your luggage?
+
+MR. POUR. With my servant, where we stopped.
+
+ERA. Send somebody to fetch it.
+
+MR. POUR. No. I forbade him to let it go out of his sight, for fear
+of swindlers.
+
+SBRI. You did quite right.
+
+MR. POUR. It is good to be cautious in this place.
+
+ERA. We always know a man of sense.
+
+SBRI. I will accompany this gentleman, and bring him back where you
+wish.
+
+ERA. Do so. I have a few orders to give; but you only need come to
+that house yonder.
+
+SBRI. We will come back presently.
+
+ERA. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). I shall expect you with great
+impatience.
+
+MR. POUR. (_to_ SBRIGANI). I find an acquaintance when I little
+expected to meet with one.
+
+SBRI. He looks like an honest man. (_Exeunt._)
+
+ERA. (_alone_). Ah! ah! Mr. de Pourceaugnac, you will get it hot!
+Everything is ready, and I have only to give the word. Soho! there.
+
+
+SCENE VII.--ÉRASTE, AN APOTHECARY.
+
+ERA. I think, Sir, that you are the doctor to whom somebody went to
+speak in my name.
+
+APO. No, Sir. I am not the doctor; such an honour does not belong to
+me. I am only an unworthy apothecary; at your service.
+
+ERA. Is the doctor at home, then.
+
+APO. Yes; he is in there, trying to get rid quickly of some patients.
+I will tell him that you are here.
+
+ERA. No; you need not disturb him; I will wait till he has done. I
+have to entrust to his care a certain relation of mine he was told
+about today. He is attacked with a sort of madness that we should
+like to see cured before we marry him to anyone.
+
+APO. I know; I know all about it. I was there when he was told of this
+affair. Upon my word, Sir; upon my word, you could not apply to a more
+skilful doctor. He is a man who understands medicine thoroughly, as
+well as I do my A B C;[8] and who, were you to die for it, would not
+abate one iota of the rules of the ancients. Yes, he always follows
+the high-road--the high-road, Sir, and doesn't spend his time finding
+out mares' nests. For all the gold in the world he would not cure
+anybody with other medicines than those prescribed by the faculty.
+
+ERA. He is quite right. A patient should not wish to be cured unless
+the faculty consents to it.
+
+APO. It is not because we are great friends that I speak so of him;
+but it is a pleasure to be his patient, and I had rather die by his
+medicines than be cured with those of another. For, whatever may
+happen, we know for certain that things are always in due order; and
+should we die under his care, our heirs have nothing to reproach us
+with.
+
+ERA. A great comfort to a dead man.
+
+APO. Certainly; it is pleasant to have died according to rules.
+Moreover, he is not one of those doctors who let a disease off. He is
+an expeditious man--expeditious, Sir, who likes to clear off his
+patients; and when they are to die, the thing is done in no time.
+
+ERA. There is, to be sure, nothing like going through the business
+quickly.
+
+APO. Indeed, what is the use of haggling over the matter, and beating
+so long about the bush? One should know offhand the long and short of
+an illness.
+
+ERA. You are quite right.
+
+APO. Why, he did me the honour of taking care of three of my children;
+they died in less than four days, whereas with another they would have
+lingered for more than three months.
+
+ERA. It is a blessing to have friends like these.
+
+APO. Decidedly. I have still two children left, of whom he takes care
+as if they were his own; he attends them, and physics them as he
+pleases, without my interfering in the least; and very frequently on
+my return from the city, I am quite surprised to find that they have
+been bled or purged by his direction.
+
+ERA. This is kind care indeed!
+
+APO. Here he is, here he is; here he is coming.
+
+
+SCENE VIII.--ÉRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY, COUNTRYMAN,
+COUNTRYWOMAN.
+
+C. MAN. Sir, he can hold out no longer; he says he feels the greatest
+pains imaginable in his head.
+
+1ST PHY. The patient is a fool; for in the disease by which he is
+attacked it is not his head, according to Galen, but the spleen,
+which must give pain.
+
+C. MAN. However this may be, Sir, he has had for the last six months
+a laxity with it.
+
+1ST PHY. That's right. It is a sign that his body is clearing. I will
+go and see him in two or three days; but if he dies before, mind you
+do not forget to give me notice, for it is not proper that a doctor
+should go to visit a dead man.
+
+C. WOM. (_to_ PHYSICIAN). My father, Sir, is getting worse and worse.
+
+1ST PHY. It is no fault of mine; I send him remedies; why does he not
+get better? How many times has he been bled?
+
+C. WOM. Fifteen times, Sir, in twenty days.
+
+1ST PHY. Fifteen times?
+
+C. WOM. Yes.
+
+1ST PHY. And he does not get better?
+
+C. WOM. No, Sir.
+
+1ST PHY. It is a sign that the seat of the malady is not in the blood. He
+must be purged as many times, to see if it is in the humours; and if
+this does not succeed, we will send him to the bath.
+
+APO. This is the _beau-idéal_ of physic.
+
+
+SCENE IX.--ÉRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.
+
+ERA. (_to the_ PHYSICIAN). It was I, Sir, who sent to you few days ago
+about a relation of mine who is not quite right in his mind; and I
+want him to live in your house, as it would be more convenient for you
+to attend to him, and to prevent him from being seen by too many
+people.
+
+1ST PHY. Yes, Sir, I have got everything ready; and I will take the
+utmost care of him.
+
+ERA. Here he is.
+
+1ST PHY. That is most fortunate; for I have with me just now an old
+physician, a friend of mine, with whom I should be glad to consult
+concerning this disorder.
+
+
+SCENE X.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, ÉRASTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN, APOTHECARY.
+
+ERA. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). I am obliged to leave you a moment
+for a little affair which requires my presence; (_showing the_
+PHYSICIAN) but this person, in whose hands I leave you, will do for
+you all he possibly can.
+
+1ST PHY. I am bound by my profession to do so; and it is enough that
+you should lay this duty upon me.
+
+MR. POUR. (_aside_). It is his steward, no doubt; he must be a man of
+quality.
+
+1ST PHY. (_to_ ÉRASTE). Yes, Sir; I assure you that I shall treat this
+gentleman methodically, and in strict accordance with the rules of our
+art.
+
+MR. POUR. Indeed, I do not ask for so much ceremony; and I have not
+come here to trouble you so.
+
+1ST PHY. Such a duty is a pleasure to me.
+
+ERA. (_to_ 1ST PHYSICIAN). Nevertheless, here are ten pistoles
+beforehand, as an earnest of what I have promised you.
+
+MR. POUR. No, if you please; I won't hear of your spending anything
+on my account, nor do I wish you to send for anything particular for
+me.
+
+ERA. Ah, pray, do not trouble yourself; it is not for that you
+imagine.
+
+MR. POUR. I beg of you to treat me only as a friend.
+
+ERA. It is exactly what I mean to do. (_Aside to the_ PHYSICIAN) I
+particularly recommend you not to let him slip out of your hands, for
+at times he tries to escape.
+
+1ST PHY. You need not fear.
+
+ERA. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Pray excuse the incivility I
+commit.
+
+MR. POUR. Don't mention it. You are really too kind.
+
+
+SCENE XI.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, 1ST PHYSICIAN, 2ND PHYSICIAN,
+APOTHECARY.
+
+1ST PHY. It is a great honour to me to be chosen to do you a service.
+
+MR. POUR. I am your servant.
+
+1ST PHY. Here is a clever man, one of my brethren, with whom I will
+consult concerning the manner of our treating you.
+
+MR. POUR. There is no need of so much ceremony, I tell you; I am
+easily satisfied.
+
+1ST PHY. Bring some seats. (_Servants come in and place chairs._)
+
+MR. POUR. (_aside_). These servants are rather dismal for a young man.
+
+1ST PHY. Now, Sir; take a seat, Sir. (_The two_ PHYSICIANS _make_ MR.
+DE POURCEAUGNAC _sit between them_.)
+
+MR. POUR. (_seated_). Your very humble servant. (_Each_ PHYSICIAN
+_takes one of his hands, and feels his pulse._) What are you about?
+
+1ST PHY. Do you eat well, Sir?
+
+MR. POUR. Yes; and drink still better.
+
+1ST PHY. So much the worse! That great craving for cold and wet is a
+sign of the heat and aridity that is within. Do you sleep well?
+
+MR. POUR. Yes; when I have made a hearty supper.
+
+1ST PHY. Do you dream much?
+
+MR. POUR. Now and then.
+
+1ST PHY. Of what nature are your dreams?
+
+MR. POUR. Of the nature of dreams. What the deuce is the meaning of
+this conversation?
+
+1ST PHY. Have a little patience. We will reason upon your affair in
+your presence; and we will do it in the vulgar tongue, so that you may
+understand better.
+
+MR. POUR. What great reasoning is there wanted to eat a mouthful?
+
+1ST PHY. Since it is a fact that we cannot cure any disease without
+first knowing it perfectly, and that we cannot know it perfectly
+without first establishing its exact nature and its true species by
+its diagnosis and prognosis, you will give me leave, you, my senior,
+to enter upon the consideration of the disease that is in question,
+before we think of the therapeutics and the remedies that we must
+decide upon in order to effect a perfect cure. I say then, Sir, if you
+will allow me, that our patient here present is unhappily attacked,
+affected, possessed, and disordered by that kind of madness which we
+properly name hypochondriac melancholy; a very trying kind of madness,
+and which requires no less than an Aesculapius deeply versed in our
+art like you; you, I say, who have become grey in harness, as the
+saying hath it; and through whose hands so much business of all sorts
+has passed. I call it hypochondriac melancholy, to distinguish it from
+the other two; for the celebrated Galen establishes and decides in a
+most learned manner, as is usual with him, that there are three
+species of the disease which we call melancholy, so called, not only
+by the Latins, but also by the Greeks; which in this case is worthy of
+remark: the first, which arises from a direct disease of the brain;
+the second, which proceeds from the whole of the blood, made and
+rendered atrabilious; and the third, termed hypochondriac, which is
+our case here, and which proceeds from some lower part of the abdomen;
+and from the inferior regions, but particularly the spleen; the heat
+and inflammation whereof sends up to the brain of our patient
+abundance of thick and foul fuliginosities; of which the black and
+gross vapours cause deterioration to the functions of the principal
+faculty, and cause the disease by which he is manifestly accused and
+convicted. In proof of what I say, and as an incontestable diagnostic
+of it, you need only consider that great seriousness, that sadness,
+accompanied by signs of fearfulness and suspicion--pathognomonic and
+particular symptoms of this disease, so well defined by the divine
+ancient Hippocrates; that countenance, those red and staring eyes,
+that long beard, that habit of body, thin, emaciated, black, and
+hairy--signs denoting him greatly affected by the disease proceeding
+from a defect in the hypochondria; which disease, by lapse of time,
+being naturalised, chronic, habitual, ingrained, and established
+within him, might well degenerate either into monomania, or into
+phthisis, or into apoplexy, or even into downright frenzy and raving.
+All this being taken for granted, since a disease well-known is a
+disease half cured, for _ignoti nulla est curatio morbis_, it will not
+be difficult for you to conclude what are the remedies needed by our
+patient. First of all, to remedy this obdurate plethora, and this
+luxuriant cacochymy throughout the body, I opine that he should be
+freely phlebotomised; by which I mean that there should be frequent
+and abundant bleedings, first in the basilic vein, then in the
+cephalic vein; and if the disease be obstinate, that even the vein of
+the forehead should be opened, and that the orifice be large, so that
+the thick blood may issue out; and, at the same time, that he should
+be purged, deobstructed, and evacuated by fit and suitable purgatives,
+i.e. by chologues and melanogogues. And as the real source of all this
+mischief is either a foul and feculent humour or a black and gross
+vapour, which obscures, empoisons, and contaminates the animal
+spirits, it is proper afterwards that he should have a bath of pure
+and clean water, with abundance of whey; to purify, by the water, the
+feculency of the foul humour, and by the whey to clarify the blackness
+of the vapour. But, before all things, I think it desirable to enliven
+him by pleasant conversations, by vocal and instrumental music, to
+which it will not be amiss to add dancers, that their movements,
+figures, and agility may stir up and awaken the sluggishness of his
+spirits, which occasions the thickness of his blood from whence the
+disease proceeds. These are the remedies I propose, to which may be
+added many better ones by you, Sir, my master and senior, according to
+the experience, judgment, knowledge and sufficiency that you have
+acquired in our art. _Dixi._
+
+2ND PHY. Heaven forbid, Sir, that it should enter my thoughts to add
+anything to what you have just been saying! You have discoursed too
+well on all the signs, symptoms, and causes of this gentleman's
+disease. The arguments you have used are so learned and so delicate
+that it is impossible for him not to be mad and hypochondriacally
+melancholic; or, were he not, that he ought to become so, because of
+the beauty of the things you have spoken, and of the justness of your
+reasoning. Yes, Sir, you have graphically depicted, _graphice
+depinxisti_, everything that appertains to this disease. Nothing can
+be more learnedly, judiciously, and ingeniously conceived, thought,
+imagined, than what you have delivered on the subject of this disease,
+either as regards the diagnostic, the prognostic, or the therapeutic;
+and nothing remains for me to do but to congratulate this gentleman
+upon falling into your hands, and to tell him that he is but too
+fortunate to be mad, in order to experience the gentle efficacy of the
+remedies you have so judiciously proposed. I approve them in toto,
+_manibus et pedibus descendo in tuam sententiam_. All I should like to
+add is to let all his bleedings and purgings be of an odd number,
+_numero deus impare gaudet_, to take the whey before the bath, and to
+make him a forehead plaster, in the composition of which there should
+be salt--salt is a symbol of wisdom; to whitewash the walls of his
+room, to dissipate the gloominess of his mind; _album est
+disgregativum visas_; and to give him a little injection immediately,
+to serve as a prelude and introduction to those judicious remedies,
+from which, if he is curable, he must receive relief. Heaven grant
+that these remedies, which are yours, Sir, may succeed with the
+patient according to our wish!
+
+MR. POUR. Gentlemen, I have been listening to you for the last hour.
+Are we acting a comedy here?
+
+1ST PHY. No, Sir; we are not acting a comedy.
+
+MR. POUR. What does it all mean? What are you about with this
+gibberish and nonsense of yours?
+
+1ST PHY. Ah! Insulting language! A diagnostic which was wanting for
+the confirmation of his disease. This may turn to mania.
+
+MR. POUR. (_aside_). With what kind of people have they left me here.
+(_He spits two or three times._)
+
+1ST PHY. Another diagnostic: frequent expectoration.
+
+MR. POUR. Let us cease all this, and go away.
+
+1ST PHY. Another: anxiety to move about.
+
+MR. POUR. What is the meaning of all this business? What do you want
+with me?
+
+1ST PHY. To cure you, according to the order we have received.
+
+MR. POUR. Cure me?
+
+1ST PHY. Yes.
+
+MR. POUR. S'death! I am not ill.
+
+1ST PHY. It is a bad sign when a patient does not feel his illness.
+
+MR. POUR. I tell you that I am quite well.
+
+1ST PHY. We know better than you how you are; we are physicians who
+see plainly into your constitution.
+
+MR. POUR. If you are physicians, I have nothing to do with you; and I
+snap my fingers at all your physic.
+
+1ST PHY. H'm! h'm! This man is madder than we thought.
+
+MR. POUR. My father and mother would never have anything to do with
+remedies; and they both died without the help of doctors.
+
+1ST PHY. I do not wonder if they have begotten a son who is mad. (_To
+the_ 2ND PHYSICIAN) Come, let us begin the cure; and, through the
+exhilarating sweetness of harmony, let us dulcify, lenify, and pacify
+the acrimony of his spirits, which, I see, are ready to be inflamed.
+(_Exeunt._)
+
+
+SCENE XII.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC (_alone_).
+
+What the devil is all this? Are the people of this place crazy? I
+never saw anything like it; and I don't understand it a bit.
+
+
+SCENE XIII.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, TWO PHYSICIANS (_in grotesque
+clothes_).
+
+(_They all three at first sit down; the_ PHYSICIANS _rise up at
+different times to bow to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, _who rises up as often
+to bow to them in return_.)
+
+THE TWO PHYSICIANS.
+  Buon dì, buon dì, buon dì!
+  Non vi lasciate uccidere
+    Dal dolor malinconico.
+  Noi vi faremo ridere
+  Col nostro canto armonico;
+    Sol per guarirvi.
+  Siamo venuti quì.
+  Buon dì, buon dì, buon dì!
+
+1ST PHYSICIAN.
+  Altro non è la pazzia
+    Che malinconia.
+      Il malato
+    Non è disperato
+  Se vol pigliar un poco d'allegria,
+    Altro non è la pazzia
+    Che malinconia.
+
+2ND PHYSICIAN.
+  Sù; cantate, ballate, ridete.
+    E, se far meglio volete,
+  Quando sentite il deliro vicino
+      Pigliate del vino,
+  E qualche volta un poco di tabàc.
+  Allegramente, Monsu Pourceaugnàc.[9]
+
+
+SCENE XIV.--BALLET.
+
+
+SCENE XV.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY.
+
+APO. Sir, here is a little remedy; a little remedy which you must
+take, if you please; if you please.
+
+MR. POUR. How? I have no occasion for anything of the kind.
+
+APO. It was ordered, Sir; it was ordered.
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! What noise and bother.
+
+APO. Take it, Sir; take it, Sir. It will do you no harm; it will do
+you no harm, &c.
+
+(MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC _runs away, the_ APOTHECARY, _&c. after him_.)
+
+
+SCENE XVI.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY, TWO PHYSICIANS (_in
+grotesque clothes_).
+
+THE TWO PHYSICIANS.
+  Piglialo sù,
+  Signor Monsu;
+  Piglialo, piglialo, piglialo sù,
+  Che non ti fara, male, &c.[10]
+
+
+
+ACT II.
+
+SCENE I.--1ST PHYSICIAN, SBRIGANI.
+
+
+1ST PHY. He has forced through every obstacle I had placed to hinder
+him, and has fled from the remedies I was beginning to prepare for
+him.
+
+SBRI. To avoid remedies so salutary as yours is to be a great enemy to
+oneself.
+
+1ST PHY. It is the mark of a disturbed brain and of a depraved reason
+to be unwilling to be cured.
+
+SBRI. You would have cured him, for certain, in no time.
+
+1ST PHY. Certainly; though there had been the complication of a dozen
+diseases.
+
+SBRI. With all that he makes you lose those fifty well-earned
+pistoles.
+
+1ST PHY. I have no intention of losing them; and I am determined to
+cure him in spite of himself. He is bound and engaged to take my
+remedies; and I will have him seized, wherever I can find him, as a
+deserter from physic and an infringer of my prescriptions.
+
+SBRI. You are right. Your medicines were sure of their effect; and it
+is so much money he takes from you.
+
+1ST PHY. Where could I find him?
+
+SBRI. No doubt, at the house of that goodman Oronte, whose daughter he
+comes to marry; and who, knowing nothing of the infirmity of his
+future son-in-law, will perhaps be in a hurry to conclude the
+marriage.
+
+1ST PHY. I will go and speak to him at once.
+
+SBRI. You should, in justice to yourself.
+
+1ST PHY. He is in need of my consultations; and a patient must not
+make a fool of his doctor.
+
+SBRI. That is well said; and, if I were you, I would not suffer him to
+marry till you have physicked him to your heart's content.
+
+1ST PHY. Leave that to me.
+
+SBRI. (_aside, and going_). For my part, I will bring another battery
+into play; for the father-in-law is as much of a dupe as the
+son-in-law.
+
+
+SCENE II.--ORONTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN.
+
+1ST PHY. A certain gentleman, Sir, a Mr. de Pourceaugnac, is to marry
+your daughter; is he not?
+
+ORO. Yes; I expect him from Limoges, and he ought to have been here
+before now.
+
+1ST PHY. And he has come; he has run away from my house, after having
+been placed under my care; but I forbid you, in the name of the
+faculty, to proceed with the marriage you have decided upon, before I
+have duly prepared him for it, and put him in a state to have children
+well-conditioned both in mind and body.
+
+ORO. What is it you mean?
+
+1ST PHY. Your intended son-in-law was entered as my patient. His
+disease which was given me to cure is a chattel which belongs to me,
+and which I reckon among my possessions. I therefore declare to you
+that I will not allow him to marry before he has rendered due
+satisfaction to the faculty, and submitted to the remedies which I
+have ordered for him.
+
+ORO. He is suffering from some disease?
+
+1ST PHY. Yes.
+
+ORO. And from what disease, if you please?
+
+1ST PHY. Don't trouble yourself about that.
+
+ORO. Is it some disease....?
+
+1ST PHY. Doctors are bound to keep things secret. Let it suffice you
+that I enjoin both you and your daughter not to celebrate the wedding
+without my consent, upon pain of incurring the displeasure of the
+faculty, and of undergoing all the diseases which we choose to lay
+upon you.
+
+ORO. If that is the case, I shall take good care to put a stop to the
+marriage.
+
+1ST PHY. He was entrusted to me, and he is bound to be my patient.
+
+ORO. Very well.
+
+1ST PHY. It is in vain for him to run away; I will have him sentenced
+to be cured by me.
+
+ORO. I am very willing.
+
+1ST PHY. Yes; he must either die or be cured by me.
+
+ORO. I consent to it.
+
+1ST PHY. And if I cannot find him, I will make you answerable, and
+cure you instead of him.
+
+ORO. I am in very good health.
+
+1ST PHY. No matter. I must have a patient, and I will take anyone I
+can.
+
+ORO. Take whom you will, but it shall not be me. (_Alone_) Did you
+ever hear of such a thing!
+
+
+SCENE III.--ORONTE, SBRIGANI _as a Flemish merchant_.
+
+SBRI. Sir, py your leafe, I pe one voreign marchant, and vould like
+ask you one littel news.
+
+ORO. What, Sir?
+
+SBRI. Put you de hat on de head, Sir, if you pleace.
+
+ORO. Tell me. Sir, what you want.
+
+SBRI. I tell nozink, Sir, if you not put de hat on de head.
+
+ORO. Very well, then, what is it, Sir?
+
+SBRI. You not know in dis town one Mister Oronte?
+
+ORO. Yes, I know him.
+
+SBRI. And vat for one man is he, Sir, if you pleace?
+
+ORO. He is like any other man.
+
+SBRI. I ask you, Sir, if he one man of money is?
+
+ORO. Yes.
+
+SBRI. But very mooch rich, Sir?
+
+ORO. Yes.
+
+SBRI. It does me mooch pleasure, Sir.
+
+ORO. But why should it?
+
+SBRI. It is, Sir, for one littel great reason for us.
+
+ORO. But why?
+
+SBRI. It is, Sir, dat dis Mr. Oronte his tauchter in marriage to a
+certain Mr. Pourgnac gifes.
+
+ORO. Well!
+
+SBRI. And dis Mr. Pourgnac, Sir, is one man vat owes mooch golt to ten
+or twelf Flemish marchants vat come here.
+
+ORO. This Mr. de Pourceaugnac owes a great deal to ten or twelve
+merchants?
+
+SBRI. Yes, Sir; and for de last eight months ve hafe obtain one littel
+judgment against him, and he put off all de credeetors till dis
+marriage vat Mr. Oronte gifes to his tauchter.
+
+ORO. Ho! ho! So he puts off paying his creditors till then?
+
+SBRI. Yes, Sir; and vid great defotion ve all wait for dis marriage.
+
+ORO. The idea is not bad. (_Aloud_) I wish you good day.
+
+SBRI. I tank de gentleman for de favour great.
+
+ORO. Your very humble servant.
+
+SBRI. I pe, Sir, more great obliged don all py de goot news vat the
+Mister gife me. (_Alone, after having taken off his beard, and taken
+off the Flemish dress which he has put over his_) Things don't go
+badly. All is going on swimmingly. I must throw off this disguise and
+think of something else. We will put so much suspicion between the
+father-in-law and his son-in-law that the intended marriage must come
+to nothing. They are both equally fit to swallow the baits that are
+laid for them, and it is mere child's play for us great sharpers when
+we find such easy gulls.
+
+
+SCENE IV.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.
+
+MR. POUR. (_thinking himself alone_). _Piglialo sù, piglialo sù,
+Signor Monsu_. What the deuce does it all mean? (_Seeing_ SBRIGANI)
+Ah!
+
+SBRI. What is the matter, Sir? what ails you?
+
+MR. POUR. Everything I see seems injection.
+
+SBRI. How is that?
+
+MR. POUR. You can't think what has happened to me in that house where
+you took me.
+
+SBRI. No! What has happened?
+
+MR. POUR. I thought I should be well feasted there.
+
+SBRI. Well?
+
+MR. POUR. I leave you in this gentleman's hands. Doctors dressed in
+black. In a chair. Feel the pulse. In proof of what I say. He is mad.
+Two big, fat-faced fellows, with large-brimmed hats. _Buon dì, buon
+dì._ Six pantaloons. Ta, ra, ta, toi, ta, ra, ta, ta, toi.
+_Allegramente, Monsu Pourceaugnac._ Take, Sir; take, take. It is
+gentle, gentle, gentle. _Piglialo sù, Signor Monsu; piglialo, piglialo
+sù._ I never was so surfeited with absurdities in all my life.
+
+SBRI. What does it all mean?
+
+MR. POUR. It means, Sir, that this gentleman, with all his kissing and
+hugging, is a deceitful rascal, who has sent me to that house to play
+me some trick.
+
+SBRI. Is it possible?
+
+MR. POUR. It is, indeed. They were a dozen devils at my heels, and I
+had all the difficulty in the world to escape out of their clutches.
+
+SBRI. Just fancy how deceitful people's looks are; I should have taken
+him for the most affectionate friend you have. It is a wonder to me
+how there can exist such rascals in the world.
+
+MR. POUR. My imagination is full of it all; and it seems to me that I
+see everywhere a dozen injections threatening me.
+
+SBRI. This is really too bad! how treacherous and wicked people are!
+
+MR. POUR. Pray, tell me where Mr. Oronte lives. I should be glad to go
+there at once.
+
+SBRI. Ah! ah! you are of a loving disposition, I see; and you have
+heard that Mr. Oronte has a daughter?
+
+MR. POUR. Yes; I am come to marry her.
+
+SBRI. To ma ... to marry her?
+
+MR. POUR. Yes.
+
+SBRI. In wedlock?
+
+MR. POUR. How could it be otherwise?
+
+SBRI. Oh! it is another thing, and I beg your pardon.
+
+MR. POUR. What is it you mean?
+
+SBRI. Oh, nothing.
+
+MR. POUR. But, pray!
+
+SBRI. Nothing, I tell you. I spoke rather hastily.
+
+MR. POUR. I beg of you to tell me what it is.
+
+SBRI. No; it is not necessary.
+
+MR. POUR. Pray do.
+
+SBRI. No; I beg you to excuse me.
+
+MR. POUR. What! are you not one of my friends?
+
+SBRI. Yes, certainly; nobody more so.
+
+MR. POUR. Then you ought not to hide anything from me.
+
+SBRI. It is a thing in which a neighbour's honour is concerned.
+
+MR. POUR. That I may oblige you to treat me like a friend, here is a
+small ring I beg of you to keep for my sake.
+
+SBRI. Let me consider a little if I can in conscience do it. (_Goes
+away a small distance from_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.) He is a man who
+looks after his own interests, who tries to provide for his daughter
+as advantageously as possible; and one should injure nobody. It is
+true that these things are no secret; but I shall be telling them to a
+man who knows nothing about it, and it is forbidden to talk scandal of
+one's neighbour. All this is true. On the other hand, however, here is
+a stranger they want to impose upon, who comes in all good faith to
+marry a girl he knows nothing about, and whom he has never seen. A
+gentleman all openheartedness, for whom I feel some inclination, who
+does me the honour of reckoning me his friend, puts his confidence in
+me, and gives me a ring to keep for his sake. (_To_ MR. DE
+POURCEAUGNAC) Yes, I think that I can tell you how things are without
+wounding my conscience. But I must try to tell it all to you in the
+mildest way possible, and to spare people as much as I can. If I were
+to tell you that this girl leads a bad life, it would be going too
+far. I must find some milder term to explain myself. The word coquette
+does not come up to the mark; that of downright flirt seems to me to
+answer the purpose pretty well, and I can make use of it to tell you
+honestly what she is.
+
+MR. POUR. They want to make a fool of me then?
+
+SBRI. But it may not be so bad as people think; and after all, there
+are men who set themselves above such things, and who do not think
+that their honour depends upon ...
+
+MR. POUR. I am your servant; I have no wish to adorn my person with
+such a head-dress, and the Pourceaugnacs are accustomed to walk with
+their heads free.
+
+SBRI. Here is the father.
+
+MR. POUR. Who? this old man?
+
+SBRI. Yes. Allow me to withdraw.
+
+
+SCENE V.--ORONTE, MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.
+
+MR. POUR. Good morning, Sir; good morning.
+
+ORO. Your servant, Sir; your servant.
+
+MR. POUR. You are Mr. Oronte; are you not?
+
+ORO. Yes.
+
+MR. POUR. And I, Mr. de Pourceaugnac.
+
+ORO. Ah, indeed!
+
+MR. POUR. Do you think, Mr. Oronte, that the people of Limoges are
+fools?
+
+ORO. Do you think, Mr. de Pourceaugnac, that the people of Paris are
+asses?
+
+MR. POUR. Do you imagine, Mr. Oronte, that a man like me can be dying
+for a wife?
+
+ORO. Do you imagine, Mr. de Pourceaugnac, that a daughter like mine
+can be dying for a husband?
+
+
+SCENE VI.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, JULIA, ORONTE.
+
+JUL. I have just been told, father, that Mr. de Pourceaugnac has come.
+Ah, there he is, no doubt; my heart tells me so. How handsome he is!
+How splendidly he holds himself. How pleased I am to have such a
+husband![11] Give me leave to kiss him and to show him....
+
+ORO. Softly, daughter, softly.
+
+MR. POUR. (_aside_). Heyday! At what a pace she goes, and how she
+takes fire!
+
+ORO. I should very much like to know, Mr. de Pourceaugnac, for what
+reason you ...
+
+JUL. (_approaches_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, _looks at him with a
+languishing look, and tries to take his hand_). How pleased I am to
+see you! And how impatient I am to ...
+
+ORO. Hey! daughter, go away; will you?
+
+MR. POUR. (_aside_). What a free and easy young damsel!
+
+ORO. I should like to know what made you have the boldness to ...
+(JULIA _continues as above_.)
+
+MR. POUR. (_aside_). By Jove!
+
+ORO. (_to_ JULIA). Again! What do you mean?
+
+JUL. May I not kiss the husband you have chosen for me?
+
+ORO. No; go in.
+
+JUL. Allow me to look at him.
+
+ORO. Go in, I tell you.
+
+JUL. I should like to stop here, if you please.
+
+ORO. I will not suffer it. If you do not go in immediately, I ...
+
+JUL. Very well then, I will go in.
+
+ORO. My daughter is a foolish girl who does not understand things.
+
+MR. POUR. (_aside_). How taken she is with me!
+
+ORO. (_to_ JULIA, _who has stopped_). You won't go.
+
+JUL. When will yon marry me to this gentleman?
+
+ORO. Never. You are not intended for him.
+
+JUL. I will have him, I will have him; you promised him to me.
+
+ORO. If I promised him to you, I take my promise back again.
+
+MR. POUR. (_aside_). She would fain eat me.
+
+JUL. Do what you will, we will be married in spite of everybody.
+
+ORO. I shall know how to prevent it, I forewarn you. What madness has
+taken hold of her?
+
+
+SCENE VII.--ORONTE, MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.
+
+MR. POUR. I say, our intended father-in-law, don't give yourself so
+much trouble; I have no intention of running away with your daughter;
+and your pretence won't take at all.
+
+ORO. And yours will in no way succeed.
+
+MR. POUR. Did you think that Leonardo de Pourceaugnac is a man to buy
+a pig in a poke, and that he has not the sense to find out what goes
+on in the world, and to see if, in marrying, his honour is safe?
+
+ORO. I do not know what you mean; but did you take into your head
+that a man of sixty-three years old has so little common sense, and
+so little consideration for his daughter, as to marry her to a man
+who has you know what, and who was put with a doctor to be cured?
+
+MR. POUR. This is a trick that was practised upon me, and there is
+nothing the matter with me.
+
+ORO. The doctor told us so himself.
+
+MR. POUR. The doctor told a lie. I am a gentleman, and I will meet
+him sword in hand.
+
+ORO. I know what I ought to believe, and you can no more impose upon
+me in this matter than about the debts you are bound to pay on your
+marriage day.
+
+MR. POUR. What debts?
+
+ORO. It is of no use to affect ignorance. I have seen the Flemish
+merchant who with other creditors obtained a decision against you
+eight months ago.
+
+MR. POUR. What Flemish merchant? What creditors? What decision
+obtained against me?
+
+ORO. You know perfectly well what I mean.
+
+
+SCENE VIII.--MR. DR POURCEAUGNAC, ORONTE, LUCETTE.
+
+LUC. (_pretending to be a woman from Languedoc_).[12] Oh, yèu be yur,
+be'e! an' I've avoun thee to làs, àrter all this yur tràepsin' vùrwurd
+an' backward. Cans thee now, yèu rascal; cans leuk me in the fae-as?
+
+MR. POUR. What is it this woman wants?
+
+LUC. What do I want o' thee, yèu villun! Thee's mak wise neet to know
+me, disn? an' thee disn turn rid nuther, èempodent oseburd that thee
+art! What! thee witn turn colour vur to leuk me in the fae-as! (_To_
+ORONTE) I baent sàaf, Maister, nif'tis yèu that they do zay 'ee
+weeshth vur to marry wi' the darter o'? but 'owsomever I zwear to yèu,
+I be the weiv o' un, an' that zeben yur agone when 'ee was a
+travellin' drue Pézenas, he made out, we' 'iz falseness, that 'ee
+knowth zo wul 'ow vur act vur to come over my 'art, an' zo by one way
+or tother vur to git me vur to gèe unmy 'an vur to marry un.
+
+ORO. Oh! oh!
+
+LUC. The rascal lef me dree yur àrterwurds, purtendin' that 'eed agot
+some bizness vur to deu in 'iz own country, an' ivur sinz I 'ant
+ayeard no news at all o' un; but when I wadn thinkin' nothin' 'tall
+'bout 'ee, I yeard 'em say as 'ow 'ee was acomin' yur, into this yur
+town, vur to be amarried agee'an wi' another young ummun, that her
+father an' mother 'd apromised teu un athout knowin' nothin' 'ow that
+'ee was amarried avore. Zo I starts toràcly, an' I be acome yur to
+this yur place so zeun's ivur I pausible keud, vur to staup this yur
+wicked marridge, an' vur to show op, avore all the wurld, the very
+wissest man that iver was.
+
+MR. POUR. What wonderful impudence!
+
+LUC. Eempurence! Baent yèu ashèe'amd o' yurzul vur to mak sport o'
+me, 'stid o' bein' abroke down wi' eenward feelins, that thee wicked
+'art aurt vur to gee thee?
+
+MR. POUR. Do you mean to say that I am your husband?
+
+LUC. Villun! dis dare to zay tidn zo? Ah! thee's know wul 'nuf, wiss
+luck to me, that tis all zo treu's the Gauspel; an' I weesh to Heben
+twadn zo, an' that thee'ds alef me so èenocent an' so quiet like eens
+I used to be, avore thy charms an' thy trumpery, bad luck, made me vur
+to 'sake it all! I nivur sheudn abin abrought down vur to be the pour
+weesh thing that I be now--vur to zee my man, cruel like, mak a
+laughin' sport of all the love that I've a 'ad vorn, an' lef me athout
+one beet o' pity, vur the mortal pàin I've abeared, 'bout the
+shee'amful way 'eev asàrd me.
+
+ORO. Really, I feel quite ready to weep. Go! you are a wicked man!
+
+
+SCENE IX.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, NÉRINE, LUCETTE, ORONTE.
+
+NER. (_pretending to be from Picardy_).[13] Oh! Aa can stand nowt
+more; aa'm rait winded! Ah! good for nowt, thou's made me run well for
+it; thou'lt not 'scape me now. Joostice! Joostice! Aa forbid the
+weddin. (_To_ ORONTE) He's my ain man, Mast-ther, and as sh'd joost
+loik to ave him stroong up, the precious hang-dog there.
+
+MR. POUR. Another!
+
+ORO. What a devil of a man!
+
+LUC. An' what be yèu a-tullin' o', wai yur vurbèedin' an' yur
+'àngin'? Thiki man's yo-ur ùzban, is ur?
+
+NER. You're rait, Missis, an aa'm joost his woif.
+
+LUC. That's a lie then; 'tis me that's the rail weiv o' un; an eef
+'ee ought vur to be a'ànged, why 'tis me that ought vur to 'ave it
+adeud.
+
+NER. Me; aa can mak nowt o' that soort o' talk.
+
+LUC. I do tul 'ee 'ow that I be 'is weiv.
+
+NER. His woif?
+
+LUC. Ees fie!
+
+NER. Aa tell ye once more, that it's me at's joost that.
+
+LUC. An' I vows an' declares as 'ow tez me, my own zul.
+
+NER. 'Twere fowr yeer agone 'at he wed me.
+
+LUC. An' me, tez zeben yur sinz 'e teuk me vur 'iz weiv.
+
+NER. Aa can proove aal 'at aa say.
+
+LUC. All my naibours knowth ut.
+
+NER. Owr town can well witness to it.
+
+LUC. All Pézénas zeed us amarried.
+
+NER. All Sin Quintin helpt at owr weddin'.
+
+LUC. Thur cant be nort more saafur.
+
+NER. Nowt can be more sartin.
+
+LUC. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Dis thee dare to zay òrt gin
+ut, yèu villun?
+
+NER. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Canst thou deny me, wicked man?
+
+MR. POUR. One is as true as the other.
+
+LUC. What èemperence! What, yèu rogue, yèu don't mind poor leedle
+Franky an' poor leedle Jinny--they that be the outcomin's o' our
+marridge?
+
+NER. Joost look, there's cheek! What! thou's forgot yon poor cheel,
+owr little Maggy, 'at thou's lef me for a pledge o' thy faith?
+
+MR. POUR. What impudent jades!
+
+LUC. Yur Franky! Yur Jinny, come both o' ee, come both o' ee, come an'
+mak yur bad rascal of a father own to 'ow ee've asàrd all o' us.
+
+NER. Coom hither, Maggy, maa cheel, coom heere quick, an' shame your
+fayther of th' impudence 'at he's gotten.
+
+
+SCENE X.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, ORONTE, LUCETTE, NÉRINE, SEVERAL
+CHILDREN.
+
+CHI. Fayther! fayther! fayther!
+
+MR. POUR. Deuce take the little brats!
+
+LUC. What yèu, villun, artn thee fit to drap, vur to tak to yur
+chillurn arter jis farshin, an' to keep thee eyes vàs, 'feerd thee
+mids show lig a father teu 'em? Thee shetn git away vrom me, yèu
+scàulus oseburd! I'll volly thee ivery place, and cry op thee
+wickedness 'gin I've asàrd thee out, an' 'gin I've amade thee zwing.
+Rascal, I sheud like vur to mak thee zwing vor't, an' that I sheud.
+
+NER. Wilt not bloosh to spaik yon words, an' to tak no thowt o'th
+kissin' o' yon poor cheel? Thou'lt not get clear o' ma claws; aa can
+tell thee! an spoit o' thy showin' thy teeth, aa'l mak thee know 'at
+aa'm thy woif, an' aa'l mak thee hang for it.
+
+CHIL. Fayther! fayther! fayther!
+
+MR. POUR. Help! help! Where shall I run?
+
+ORO. Go; you will do right to have him punished, and he richly
+deserves to be hanged.
+
+
+SCENE XI.--SBRIGANI (_alone_).
+
+Everything has been done according to my wish, and is succeeding
+admirably. We will so weary out our provincial that he will only be
+too thankful to leave the place.
+
+
+SCENE XII.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI.
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! I am murdered! What vexation! What a cursed town!
+Assassinated everywhere!
+
+SBRI. What is it, Sir? Has anything new happened?
+
+MR. POUR. Yes; it rains doctors and women in this country.
+
+SBRI. How is that?
+
+MR. POUR. Two jabbering jades have just been accusing me of being
+married to both of them, and have threatened me with justice.
+
+SBRI. This is a bad business, for in this country justice is terribly
+rigorous against that sort of crime.
+
+MR. POUR. Yes; but even if there should be information, citation,
+decree, and verdict obtained by surprise, default, and contumacy, I
+have still the alternative of a conflict of jurisdiction to gain time,
+and a resort to the means of nullity that will be found in the court
+case.
+
+SBRI. The very terms, and it is easy to see that you are in the
+profession, Sir.
+
+MR. POUR. I? Certainly not; I am a gentleman.[14]
+
+SBRI. But to speak as you do, you must have studied the law.
+
+MR. POUR. Not at all. It is only common sense which tells me that I
+shall always be admitted to be justified by facts, and that I could
+not be condemned upon a simple accusation, without witnesses,
+evidence, and confrontation with my adverse party.
+
+SBRI. This is more clever still.
+
+MR. POUR. These words come into my head without my knowledge.
+
+SBRI. It seems to me that the common sense of a gentleman may go so
+far as to understand what belongs to right and the order of justice,
+but not to know the very terms of chicane.
+
+MR. POUR. They are a few words I remember from reading novels.
+
+SBRI. Ah! I see.
+
+MR. POUR. To show you that I understand nothing of chicane, I beg of
+you to take me to a lawyer to have advice upon this affair.
+
+SBRI. Willingly. I will take you to two very clever men; but, first, I
+must tell you not to be surprised at their manner of speaking. They
+have contracted at the bar a certain habit of declaiming which looks
+like singing, and you would think all they tell you is nothing but
+music.
+
+MR. POUR. It does not matter how they speak, as long as they tell me
+what I wish to know!
+
+
+SCENE XIII.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI, TWO LAWYERS, TWO
+ATTORNEYS, TWO SERGEANTS.
+
+1ST LAWYER (_drawling out his words_).
+  Polygamy's a case, you find,
+  A case of hanging.
+
+2ND LAWYER (_singing and speaking very fast_).
+  Your deed
+  Is plain and clear,
+  And all the gear
+  Of wigs and law
+  Upon this flaw
+  One verdict bear.
+  Consult our authors,
+  Legislators and glossators,
+    Justinian, Papinian,
+    Ulpian and Tribonian,
+  Fernand, Rebuffe, Jean Imole,
+  Paul Castro, Julian Barthole, [15]
+    Jason, Aloyat, and Cujas
+    That mighty mind!
+  Polygamy's a case, you'll find,
+    A case of hanging.
+
+BALLET, _while the_ 2ND LAWYER _sings as before_.
+
+  All nations civilised,
+    French, Dutch, and English,
+    Portuguese, Germans, Flemish,
+    Italians and Spanish,
+  By wisdom's sceptre swayed,
+  For this the self-same law have made.
+    The affair allows no doubt,
+    Polygamy's a case,
+    A case of hanging.
+
+(MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, _irritated, drives them all away._)
+
+
+
+
+ACT III.
+
+SCENE I.--ÉRASTE, SBRIGANI.
+
+
+SBRI. Yes; everything is succeeding splendidly; and as his knowledge
+of things is very shallow, and his understanding of the poorest, I put
+him in such a terrible fright at the severity of the law in this
+country, and at the preparations which were already set on foot to put
+him to death,[16] that he is determined to run away, and in order the
+better to escape from the people who, I have told him, are placed at
+the city gates to stop him, he has decided upon disguising himself as
+a woman.
+
+ERA. How I should like to see him dressed up in that way!
+
+SBRI. Take care you carry out the farce properly; and whilst I go
+through my parts with him, you go and ... (_Whispers to him._) You
+understand, don't you?
+
+ERA. Yes.
+
+SBRI. And when I have taken him where I mean.... (_Whispers._)
+
+ERA. All right.
+
+SBRI. And when the father has been forewarned by me....
+(_Whispers._)
+
+ERA. Nothing could be better.
+
+SBRI. Here is our young lady. Go quickly; she must not see us
+together.
+
+
+SCENE II.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC (_as a lady_), SBRIGANI.
+
+SBRI. For my part, I don't think any one can know you, and you look
+exactly like a lady of birth.
+
+MR. POUR. I am so astonished that in this province the forms of
+justice should not be observed.
+
+SBRI. Yes; as I have already told you, they begin by hanging a man,
+and try him afterwards.
+
+MR. POUR. What unjust justice!
+
+SBRI. It is devilishly severe, particularly on this kind of crime.
+
+MR. POUR. Still, when one is innocent?
+
+SBRI. Ah me! They care little for that, and, besides, they have here a
+most intolerable hatred for the people of your province; and nothing
+gives them more pleasure than to hang a man from Limoges.[17]
+
+MR. POUR. What have the people from Limoges done to them?
+
+SBRI. How do I know? They are downright brutes, enemies to all the
+gentility and merit of other cities. For my part, I am in the greatest
+fear on your account, and I should never comfort myself if you were
+hanged.
+
+MR. POUR. It is not so much the fear of death that urges me to fly as
+the fact of being hanged, for it is a most degrading thing for a
+gentleman, and would ruin one's title of nobility.
+
+SBRI. You are right; after such a thing they would contest your right
+of bearing a title of nobility.[18] But, be careful, when I lead you
+by the hand, to walk like a woman, and to assume the manners and the
+language of a lady of quality.
+
+MR. POUR. Leave that to me; I have seen people of high standing in the
+world. The only thing that troubles me is that I have somewhat of a
+beard.
+
+SBRI. Oh! it's not worth mentioning. There are many women who have as
+much. Now, let us just see how you will behave yourself. (MR. DE
+POURCEAUGNAC _mimics a lady of rank._) Good.
+
+MR. POUR. Why, my carriage is not here! Where is my carriage? Gracious
+me! how wretched to have such attendants! Shall I have to wait all day
+in the street? Will not some one call my carriage for me?
+
+SBRI. Very good.
+
+MR. POUR. Soho! there, coachman. Little page! Ah! little rogue, what a
+whipping you will get by and by! Little page-boy! little page-boy!
+Where in the world is that page-boy? Will that little page never be
+found? Will nobody call that little page for me? Is my little page
+nowhere to be found?
+
+SBRI. Marvellous! But there is one thing that I see does not do. This
+hood is a little too thin; I must go and fetch you a thicker one, to
+hide your face better in case of any accident.
+
+MR. POUR. What shall I do in the meantime?
+
+SBRI. Wait for me here. I will be back in a moment; you have only to
+walk about.
+
+(MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC _walks forward and backward on the stage,
+mimicking the lady of rank._)
+
+
+SCENE III.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, TWO SWISS.
+
+1ST SWISS (_without seeing_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Come you, make
+haste, mein comrad, ve vill, both of us, go to ze market-place; to zee
+dis Porcegnac at de chustice, which him contemns to pe hung py de
+neck.
+
+2ND SWISS. (_without seeing_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Ve moost hire one
+vindow to zee dis chustice.
+
+1ST SWISS. Man says dat zey alreaty a great new gallow plant hafe, to
+hang dis Porcegnac to it.
+
+2ND SWISS. It will pe, yes, a great pleazure to see dis Limossin hung.
+
+1ST SWISS. Ja! to see him vaggle de feet up zere pefor all de peoples!
+
+2ND SWISS. He pe one funny man, he pe; man says dat he married dree
+times hafe.
+
+1ST SWISS. Ze room fellow! he vant dree wifes all to himself! one fery
+much pe quite enough for him.
+
+2ND SWISS (_perceiving_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC.) Ah! goot tay, missy.
+
+1ST SWISS. Vat do you zere all by self.
+
+MR. POUR. I am waiting for my servants, gentlemen.
+
+2ND SWISS. You pe prooty, missy?
+
+MR. POUR. Gently, sirs.
+
+1ST SWISS. Missy, vill you come and amuse you on de market-place? Ve
+will make you zee one little hanging fery prooty.
+
+MR. POUR. I am much obliged to you.
+
+2ND SWISS. It is a Limossin chentleman vat will hung pe fery prootily
+at a great gallow.
+
+MR. POUR. I am not desirous to see it.
+
+1ST SWISS. You hafe one much funny prest....
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! this is too much! and such odious things are not said
+to a woman of my position.
+
+2ND SWISS. You go avay.
+
+1ST SWISS. Me vill let not you.
+
+2ND SWISS. Put I vill, I tell ye. (_Both lay hold of_ MR. DE
+POURCEAUGNAC _roughly._)
+
+1ST SWISS. I vill not let you.
+
+2ND SWISS. You hafe told one fery mooch lie.
+
+1ST SWISS. You hafe told one lie yourself.
+
+MR. POUR. Help! help! police!
+
+
+SCENE IV.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, THREE POLICE OFFICERS, TWO SWISS.
+
+OFF. What is it? what is the meaning of this violence? and what are
+you doing to this lady? Be off at once, unless you wish to be put in
+prison.
+
+1ST SWISS. Goot, you gone, you vill not hafe her.
+
+2ND SWISS. Goot, you gone too, you vill not hafe her also.
+
+
+SCENE V.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, THREE POLICE OFFICERS.
+
+MR. POUR. I am much obliged to you, Sir, for saving me from those
+insolent fellows.
+
+OFF. Oh! oh! This is a face which is deucedly like that which was
+described to me.
+
+MR. POUR. It is not I, I assure you.
+
+OFF. Oh! oh! what does this mean?
+
+MR. POUR. I don't know.
+
+OFF. What is it, then, that makes you say that?
+
+MR. POUR. Nothing.
+
+OFF. This manner of speaking is somewhat ambiguous, and you are my
+prisoner.
+
+MR. POUR. O, Sir, I pray!
+
+OFF. No, no; to judge by your appearance and your manner of speaking,
+you must be that Mr. de Pourceaugnac we are looking for, although you
+are disguised in this manner, and you must come to prison at once.
+
+MR. POUR. Alas!
+
+
+SCENE VI.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI, THREE POLICE OFFICERS.
+
+SBRI. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). Heavens! what does this mean?
+
+MR. POUR. They have discovered who I am.
+
+OFF. Yes, yes; I am delighted about it.
+
+SBRI. (_to the_ OFFICER). Ah, Sir! for my sake! do not take him to
+prison; you know that we have been friends a long while.
+
+OFF. I cannot help it.
+
+SBRI. You are a man to hear reason. Is there no way of adjusting this
+matter with the help of a few pistoles?
+
+OFF. (_to his subordinates_). Go farther back.
+
+
+SCENE VII.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, SBRIGANI, A POLICE OFFICER.
+
+SBRI. (_to_ MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC). You must give him some money for him
+to let you go. Be quick.
+
+MR. POUR. (_giving some money to_ SBRIGANI). Ah! cursed place.
+
+SBRI. Here, Sir.
+
+OFF. How much is there?
+
+SBRI. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
+
+OFF. No; I have express orders.
+
+SBRI. (_to the_ OFFICER, _who is going_). Pray wait. (_To_ MR. DE
+POURCEAUGNAC) Be quick, give him as much again.
+
+MR. POUR. But ...
+
+SBRI. Be quick, I tell you; don't waste time; you would be happy,
+would you not, if you were hanged?
+
+MR. POUR. Ah! (_Gives more money to_ SBRIGANI.)
+
+SBRI. (_to the_ OFFICER). Here, Sir.
+
+OFF. (_to_ SBRIGANI). I must go off with him, for I should not be in
+safety here after this. Leave him to me, and don't stir from this
+place.
+
+SBRI. I beg of you to take the utmost care of him.
+
+OFF. I promise you not to leave him one moment till I see him safe.
+
+MR. POUR. (_to_ SBRIGANI). Farewell! This is the first honest man I
+have found in this town.
+
+
+SCENE VIII.--ORONTE, SBRIGANI.
+
+SBRI. (_affecting not to see_ ORONTE). Ah! What a strange adventure!
+What terrible news for a father! Poor Oronte, how much I pity you!
+What will you say? How will you ever be able to bear with such a
+misfortune?
+
+ORO. What is it? Of what misfortune do you speak?
+
+SBRI. Ah, Sir! This wretch of a Limousin has run away with your
+daughter!
+
+ORO. Run away with my daughter!
+
+SBRI. Yes; she became so infatuated with him that she has left you to
+follow him. It is said that he has a charm to make all women fall in
+love with him.
+
+ORO. Quick! Justice! Let the police be set after them!
+
+
+SCENE IX.--ORONTE, ÉRASTE, JULIA, SBRIGANI.
+
+ERA. (_to_ JULIA). Come along; you shall come in spite of yourself. I
+will put you in your father's hands. Sir, here is your daughter, whom
+I had to take by force from the man with whom she was running away; it
+is not for her sake that I did it, but entirely for yours. For, after
+such conduct, I ought to despise her, and it is enough to cure me
+altogether of my love.
+
+ORO. Ah! infamous girl that you are!
+
+ERA. (_to_ JULIA). How could you treat me in that way, after all the
+proofs of affection I have given you? I do not blame you for being
+obedient to your father's will; he is wise and judicious in all he
+does; and I do not complain of him for having preferred another to me.
+They told him that that other man was richer than I by four or five
+thousand crowns, and four or five thousand crowns are a good round
+sum, and are enough to make a gentleman break his word; but that you
+should forget in a moment all the love I had for you, suffer yourself
+to fall madly in love with the first new-comer, and shamefully follow
+him; without the consent of your father, after all the crimes that
+were charged upon him! It is what all the world will condemn, and what
+my heart can never cease to reproach you with.
+
+JUL. Well, yes; I fell in love with him, and I wanted to follow him,
+since my father had chosen him to be my husband. Whatever you may say,
+he is a very honest man, and all the crimes they accuse him of are so
+many detestable falsehoods.
+
+ORO. Be silent; you are an impertinent hussy, and I know better than
+you.
+
+JUL. They are some tricks they have played him, and (_showing_ ÉRASTE)
+it is he himself, no doubt, who managed it all, to disgust you with
+him.
+
+ERA. What! I should be capable of such a thing?
+
+JUL. Yes, you.
+
+ORO. Be silent, I tell you. You are a silly girl.
+
+ERA. You need not think that I have any wish to prevent the match, and
+that it is because I love you that I hastened to rescue you. I have
+already told you that it is only because of the regard I have for your
+father. I could not bear to see an honourable man exposed to the shame
+of all the gossip that would be occasioned by such an action.
+
+ORO. I am truly and sincerely obliged to you, Sir.
+
+ERA. Farewell, Sir! I had the greatest desire to enter into your
+family; I did everything to deserve such an honour; but I have been
+unfortunate, and you did not judge me worthy of that honour. It will
+not prevent me from retaining towards you all those feelings of esteem
+and regard which your person demands; and although I cannot be your
+son-in-law, I shall always be at your service.
+
+ORO. Stay. Your behaviour touches my heart, and I give you my daughter
+in marriage.
+
+JUL. I won't have any other husband than Mr. de Pourceaugnac.
+
+ORO. And I will have you marry Éraste at once.
+
+JUL. No; I will not.
+
+ORO. I shall give it you about the ears.
+
+ERA. No, no, Sir; don't use violence towards her, I pray you.
+
+ORO. I will have her obey me, and I will show her that I am the
+master.
+
+ERA. Do you not see how fast in love she is with that man; and would
+you have me possess the body while another has the heart?
+
+ORO. He has thrown some charm upon her. You may be sure that she will
+change before long. Give me your hand. Come.
+
+JUL. No!
+
+ORO. Ah! What, rebellion! Your hand, I tell you, at once. Ah!
+
+ERA. Do not think that it is because of my love for you that I agree
+to marry you; it is your father only I am in love with, and it is him
+whom I marry.
+
+ORO. I am truly obliged to you, and I add ten thousand crowns to my
+daughter's portion. Quick; a notary to draw up the contract.
+
+ERA. In the meanwhile, let us enjoy the pleasures of the season, and
+fetch in those masks whom the report of Mr. de Pourceaugnac's wedding
+has attracted hither.
+
+
+SCENE X.--A BALLET
+
+
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+ 1. Pourceaugnac equals _pourceau_, "a young pig," plus the local
+ ending _-gnac_.
+
+ 2. Compare the "royal cautery" in 'The Flying Doctor'.
+
+ 3. Sbrigani and Nérine are merely the conventional rogues of the
+ stage. Compare Mascarille, Scapin.
+
+ 4. Compare act ii. scene xii.
+
+ 5. The Neapolitans had no great reputation for sincerity.
+
+ 6. _Mode de la cour pour la campagne._
+
+ 7. _Consul_ in the south equalled _chevin_ in the north. Both words
+ are obsolete in this sense.
+
+ 8_Ma croix de par Dieu_, "my Christ-cross-row," or
+ "Criss-cross-row," in old and provincial English.
+
+
+ 9. _Translation_
+
+ THE TWO PHYSICIANS.
+   Good day, good day, good day!
+     Yield not yourself a prey
+     To melancholy sway.
+   We'll make you laugh, I trow,
+   With songs harmonious, gay.
+     Unto us your cure is dear,
+     For that alone we're here.
+   Good day, good day, good day!
+
+ 1ST PHYSICIAN.
+   Nought else is madness true
+   Save melancholy blue.
+     Not lost is he,
+     Though sick he be,
+   Who sips of mirth the dew.
+   Nought else is madness true
+   Save melancholy blue.
+
+ 2ND PHYSICIAN.
+   Up then! sing loud, and dance and play,
+     "Better still I'd do!" you say.
+   Delirium's nigh--if you must pine,
+     Take first some wine;
+   And sometimes, too, take your tabàc
+   Right joyfully, Monsu Pourceaugnac.
+
+ 10. Take it, take it. Sir; it will do you no harm, &c.
+
+ 11. See act i, scene iii.
+
+ 12. Somerset dialect is employed here.
+
+ 13. Lowland Scotch is employed here.
+
+ 14. Compare act i. scene v.
+
+ 15. The French forms have been retained for the sake of the rhyme.
+
+ 16. Bigamists were really put to death.
+
+ 17. Molière seems to have had a grudge against Limoges. Compare act i.
+ scene i.
+
+ 18. Footnote: Noblemen were beheaded.
+
+
+
+***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MONSIEUR DE POURCEAUGNAC***
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