diff options
| -rw-r--r-- | .gitattributes | 3 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 6985-h.zip | bin | 0 -> 105808 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 6985-h/6985-h.htm | 6859 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 6985.txt | 5670 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 6985.zip | bin | 0 -> 100288 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | LICENSE.txt | 11 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | README.md | 2 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/pfect10.txt | 5642 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/pfect10.zip | bin | 0 -> 99456 bytes |
9 files changed, 18187 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/6985-h.zip b/6985-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3805740 --- /dev/null +++ b/6985-h.zip diff --git a/6985-h/6985-h.htm b/6985-h/6985-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c42089f --- /dev/null +++ b/6985-h/6985-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,6859 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta content="pg2html (binary v0.17)" name="linkgenerator" /> + <title> + A Prefect's Uncle, by P. G. Wodehouse + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .75em; margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 5%; text-align: justify; font-size: 80%; font-style: italic;} + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + .xx-small {font-size: 60%;} + .x-small {font-size: 75%;} + .small {font-size: 85%;} + .large {font-size: 115%;} + .x-large {font-size: 130%;} + .indent5 { margin-left: 5%;} + .indent10 { margin-left: 10%;} + .indent15 { margin-left: 15%;} + .indent20 { margin-left: 20%;} + .indent25 { margin-left: 25%;} + .indent30 { margin-left: 30%;} + .indent35 { margin-left: 35%;} + .indent40 { margin-left: 40%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {position: absolute; right: 1%; font-size: 0.6em; + font-variant: normal; font-style: normal; + text-align: right; background-color: #FFFACD; + border: 1px solid; padding: 0.3em;text-indent: 0em;} + .side { float: left; font-size: 75%; width: 15%; padding-left: 0.8em; + border-left: dashed thin; text-align: left; + text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; + font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;} + .head { float: left; font-size: 90%; width: 98%; padding-left: 0.8em; + border-left: dashed thin; text-align: center; + text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; + font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;} + p.pfirst, p.noindent {text-indent: 0} + span.dropcap { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 0.8 } + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Prefect's Uncle, by P. G. Wodehouse + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Prefect's Uncle + +Author: P. G. Wodehouse + +Release Date: November, 2004 [EBook #6985] +First Posted: February 20, 2003 +Last Updated: November 11, 2018 + + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PREFECT'S UNCLE *** + + + + +Etext produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team + +HTML file produced by David Widger + + + + +</pre> + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + A PREFECT'S UNCLE + </h1> + <h2> + By P. G. Wodehouse + </h2> + <h4> + 1903 + </h4> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + DEDICATION + </h3> + <h3> + TO W. TOWNEND + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + CONTENTS + </h3> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto" cellpadding="4" border="3"> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> 1 — TERM BEGINS </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> 2 — INTRODUCES AN UNUSUAL UNCLE </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> 3 — THE UNCLE MAKES HIMSELF AT HOME + </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> 4 — PRINGLE MAKES A SPORTING OFFER + </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> 5 — FARNIE GETS INTO TROUBLE— + </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> 6 — —AND STAYS THERE </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> 7 — THE BISHOP GOES FOR A RIDE </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> 8 — THE M.C.C. MATCH </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> 9 — THE BISHOP FINISHES HIS RIDE </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> 10 — IN WHICH A CASE IS FULLY + DISCUSSED </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> 11 — POETRY AND STUMP-CRICKET </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> 12 — 'WE, THE UNDERSIGNED—' </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> 13 — LEICESTER'S HOUSE TEAM GOES INTO + A SECOND EDITION </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> 14 — NORRIS TAKES A SHORT HOLIDAY </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> 15 — <i>VERSUS</i> CHARCHESTER (AT + CHARCHESTER) </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0016"> 16 — A DISPUTED AUTHORSHIP </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0017"> 17 — THE WINTER TERM </a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2H_4_0018"> 18 — THE BISHOP SCORES </a> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 1 — TERM BEGINS + </h2> + <p> + Marriott walked into the senior day-room, and, finding no one there, + hurled his portmanteau down on the table with a bang. The noise brought + William into the room. William was attached to Leicester's House, Beckford + College, as a mixture of butler and bootboy. He carried a pail of water in + his hand. He had been engaged in cleaning up the House against the + conclusion of the summer holidays, of which this was the last evening, by + the simple process of transferring all dust, dirt, and other foreign + substances from the floor to his own person. + </p> + <p> + ''Ullo, Mr Marriott,' he said. + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo, William,' said Marriott. 'How are you? Still jogging along? That's + a mercy. I say, look here, I want a quiet word in season with the + authorities. They must have known I was coming back this evening. Of + course they did. Why, they specially wrote and asked me. Well, where's the + red carpet? Where's the awning? Where's the brass band that ought to have + met me at the station? Where's anything? I tell you what it is, William, + my old companion, there's a bad time coming for the Headmaster if he + doesn't mind what he's doing. He must learn that life is stern and life is + earnest, William. Has Gethryn come back yet?' + </p> + <p> + William, who had been gasping throughout this harangue, for the + intellectual pressure of Marriott's conversation (of which there was + always plenty) was generally too much for him, caught thankfully at the + last remark as being the only intelligible one uttered up to present date, + and made answer— + </p> + <p> + 'Mr Gethryn 'e's gorn out on to the field, Mr Marriott. 'E come 'arf an + hour ago.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh! Right. Thanks. Goodbye, William. Give my respects to the cook, and + mind you don't work too hard. Think what it would be if you developed + heart disease. Awful! You mustn't do it, William.' + </p> + <p> + Marriott vanished, and William, slightly dazed, went about his + professional duties once more. Marriott walked out into the grounds in + search of Gethryn. Gethryn was the head of Leicester's this term, <i>vice</i> + Reynolds departed, and Marriott, who was second man up, shared a study + with him. Leicester's had not a good name at Beckford, in spite of the + fact that it was generally in the running for the cricket and football + cups. The fact of the matter was that, with the exception of Gethryn, + Marriott, a boy named Reece, who kept wicket for the School Eleven, and + perhaps two others, Leicester's seniors were not a good lot. To the School + in general, who gauged a fellow's character principally by his abilities + in the cricket and football fields, it seemed a very desirable thing to be + in Leicester's. They had been runners-up for the House football cup that + year, and this term might easily see the cricket cup fall to them. Amongst + the few, however, it was known that the House was passing through an + unpleasant stage in its career. A House is either good or bad. It is + seldom that it can combine the advantages of both systems. Leicester's was + bad. + </p> + <p> + This was due partly to a succession of bad Head-prefects, and partly to + Leicester himself, who was well-meaning but weak. His spirit was willing, + but his will was not spirited. When things went on that ought not to have + gone on, he generally managed to avoid seeing them, and the things + continued to go on. Altogether, unless Gethryn's rule should act as a + tonic, Leicester's was in a bad way. + </p> + <p> + The Powers that Be, however, were relying on Gethryn to effect some + improvement. He was in the Sixth, the First Fifteen, and the First Eleven. + Also a backbone was included in his anatomy, and if he made up his mind to + a thing, that thing generally happened. + </p> + <p> + The Rev. James Beckett, the Headmaster of Beckford, had formed a very fair + estimate of Gethryn's capabilities, and at the moment when Marriott was + drawing the field for the missing one, that worthy was sitting in the + Headmaster's study with a cup in his right hand and a muffin (half-eaten) + in his left, drinking in tea and wisdom simultaneously. The Head was doing + most of the talking. He had led up to the subject skilfully, and, once + reached, he did not leave it. The text of his discourse was the degeneracy + of Leicester's. + </p> + <p> + 'Now, you know, Gethryn—another muffin? Help yourself. You know, + Reynolds—well, he was a capital boy in his way, capital, and I'm + sure we shall all miss him very much—<i>but</i> he was not a good + head of a House. He was weak. Much too weak. Too easy-going. You must + avoid that, Gethryn. Reynolds....' And much more in the same vein. Gethryn + left the room half an hour later full of muffins and good resolutions. He + met Marriott at the fives-courts. + </p> + <p> + 'Where have you been to?' asked Marriott. 'I've been looking for you all + over the shop.' + </p> + <p> + 'I and my friend the Headmaster,' said Gethryn, 'have been having a quiet + pot of tea between us.' + </p> + <p> + 'Really? Was he affable?' + </p> + <p> + 'Distinctly affable.' + </p> + <p> + 'You know,' said Marriott confidentially, 'he asked me in, but I told him + it wasn't good enough. I said that if he would consent to make his tea + with water that wasn't two degrees below lukewarm, and bring on his + muffins cooked instead of raw, and supply some butter to eat with them, I + might look him up now and then. Otherwise it couldn't be done at the + price. But what did he want you for, really?' + </p> + <p> + 'He was ragging me about the House. Quite right, too. You know, there's no + doubt about it, Leicester's does want bucking up.' + </p> + <p> + 'We're going to get the cricket cup,' said Marriott, for the defence. + </p> + <p> + 'We may. If it wasn't for the Houses in between. School House and + Jephson's especially. And anyhow, that's not what I meant. The games are + all right. It's—' + </p> + <p> + 'The moral <i>je-ne-sais-quoi</i>, so to speak,' said Marriott. 'That'll + be all right. Wait till we get at 'em. What I want you to turn your great + brain to now is this letter.' + </p> + <p> + He produced a letter from his pocket. 'Don't you bar chaps who show you + their letters?' he said. 'This was written by an aunt of mine. I don't + want to inflict the whole lot on you. Just look at line four. You see what + she says: "A boy is coming to Mr Leicester's House this term, whom I + particularly wish you to befriend. He is the son of a great friend of a + friend of mine, and is a nice, bright little fellow, very jolly and full + of spirits."' + </p> + <p> + 'That means,' interpolated Gethryn grimly, 'that he is up to the eyes in + pure, undiluted cheek, and will want kicking after every meal and before + retiring to rest. Go on.' + </p> + <p> + 'His name is—' + </p> + <p> + 'Well?' + </p> + <p> + 'That's the point. At this point the manuscript becomes absolutely + illegible. I have conjectured Percy for the first name. It may be Richard, + but I'll plunge on Percy. It's the surname that stumps me. Personally, I + think it's MacCow, though I trust it isn't, for the kid's sake. I showed + the letter to my brother, the one who's at Oxford. He swore it was Watson, + but, on being pressed, hedged with Sandys. You may as well contribute your + little bit. What do you make of it?' + </p> + <p> + Gethryn scrutinized the document with care. + </p> + <p> + 'She begins with a D. You can see that.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well?' + </p> + <p> + 'Next letter a or u. I see. Of course. It's Duncan.' + </p> + <p> + 'Think so?' said Marriott doubtfully. 'Well, let's go and ask the matron + if she knows anything about him.' + </p> + <p> + 'Miss Jones,' he said, when they had reached the House, 'have you on your + list of new boys a sportsman of the name of MacCow or Watson? I am also + prepared to accept Sandys or Duncan. The Christian name is either Richard + or Percy. There, that gives you a fairly wide field to choose from.' + </p> + <p> + 'There's a P. V. Wilson on the list,' said the matron, after an inspection + of that document. + </p> + <p> + 'That must be the man,' said Marriott. 'Thanks very much. I suppose he + hasn't arrived yet?' + </p> + <p> + 'No, not yet. You two are the only ones so far.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh! Well, I suppose I shall have to see him when he does come. I'll come + down for him later on.' + </p> + <p> + They strolled out on to the field again. + </p> + <p> + 'In <i>re</i> the proposed bucking-up of the House,' said Marriott, 'it'll + be rather a big job.' + </p> + <p> + 'Rather. I should think so. We ought to have a most fearfully sporting + time. It's got to be done. The Old Man talked to me like several fathers.' + </p> + <p> + 'What did he say?' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, heaps of things.' + </p> + <p> + 'I know. Did he mention amongst other things that Reynolds was the worst + idiot on the face of this so-called world?' + </p> + <p> + 'Something of the sort.' + </p> + <p> + 'So I should think. The late Reynolds was a perfect specimen of the + gelatine-backboned worm. That's not my own, but it's the only description + of him that really suits. Monk and Danvers and the mob in general used to + do what they liked with him. Talking of Monk, when you embark on your tour + of moral agitation, I should advise you to start with him.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. And Danvers. There isn't much to choose between them. It's a pity + they're both such good bats. When you see a chap putting them through the + slips like Monk does, you can't help thinking there must be something in + him.' + </p> + <p> + 'So there is,' said Marriott, 'and it's all bad. I bar the man. He's + slimy. It's the only word for him. And he uses scent by the gallon. Thank + goodness this is his last term.' + </p> + <p> + 'Is it really? I never heard that.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. He and Danvers are both leaving. Monk's going to Heidelberg to study + German, and Danvers is going into his pater's business in the City. I got + that from Waterford.' + </p> + <p> + 'Waterford is another beast,' said Gethryn thoughtfully. 'I suppose he's + not leaving by any chance?' + </p> + <p> + 'Not that I know of. But he'll be nothing without Monk and Danvers. He's + simply a sort of bottle-washer to the firm. When they go he'll collapse. + Let's be strolling towards the House now, shall we? Hullo! Our only Reece! + Hullo, Reece!' + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo!' said the new arrival. Reece was a weird, silent individual, whom + everybody in the School knew up to a certain point, but very few beyond + that point. His manner was exactly the same when talking to the smallest + fag as when addressing the Headmaster. He rather gave one the impression + that he was thinking of something a fortnight ahead, or trying to solve a + chess problem without the aid of the board. In appearance he was on the + short side, and thin. He was in the Sixth, and a conscientious worker. + Indeed, he was only saved from being considered a swot, to use the + vernacular, by the fact that from childhood's earliest hour he had been in + the habit of keeping wicket like an angel. To a good wicket-keeper much + may be forgiven. + </p> + <p> + He handed Gethryn an envelope. + </p> + <p> + 'Letter, Bishop,' he said. Gethryn was commonly known as the Bishop, owing + to a certain sermon preached in the College chapel some five years before, + in aid of the Church Missionary Society, in which the preacher had alluded + at frequent intervals to another Gethryn, a bishop, who, it appeared, had + a see, and did much excellent work among the heathen at the back of + beyond. Gethryn's friends and acquaintances, who had been alternating + between 'Ginger'—Gethryn's hair being inclined to redness—and + 'Sneg', a name which utterly baffles the philologist, had welcomed the new + name warmly, and it had stuck ever since. And, after all, there are + considerably worse names by which one might be called. + </p> + <p> + 'What the dickens!' he said, as he finished reading the letter. + </p> + <p> + 'Tell us the worst,' said Marriott. 'You must read it out now out of + common decency, after rousing our expectations like that.' + </p> + <p> + 'All right! It isn't private. It's from an aunt of mine.' + </p> + <p> + 'Seems to be a perfect glut of aunts,' said Marriott. 'What views has your + representative got to air? Is <i>she</i> springing any jolly little fellow + full of spirits on this happy community?' + </p> + <p> + 'No, it's not that. It's only an uncle of mine who's coming down here. + He's coming tomorrow, and I'm to meet him. The uncanny part of it is that + I've never heard of him before in my life.' + </p> + <p> + 'That reminds me of a story I heard—' began Reece slowly. Reece's + observations were not frequent, but when they came, did so for the most + part in anecdotal shape. Somebody was constantly doing something which + reminded him of something he had heard somewhere from somebody. The + unfortunate part of it was that he exuded these reminiscences at such a + leisurely rate of speed that he was rarely known to succeed in finishing + any of them. He resembled those serial stories which appear in papers + destined at a moderate price to fill an obvious void, and which break off + abruptly at the third chapter, owing to the premature decease of the said + periodicals. On this occasion Marriott cut in with a few sage remarks on + the subject of uncles as a class. 'Uncles,' he said, 'are tricky. You + never know where you've got 'em. You think they're going to come out + strong with a sovereign, and they make it a shilling without a blush. An + uncle of mine once gave me a threepenny bit. If it hadn't been that I + didn't wish to hurt his feelings, I should have flung it at his feet. Also + I particularly wanted threepence at the moment. Is your uncle likely to do + his duty, Bishop?' + </p> + <p> + 'I tell you I don't know the man. Never heard of him. I thought I knew + every uncle on the list, but I can't place this one. However, I suppose I + shall have to meet him.' + </p> + <p> + 'Rather,' said Marriott, as they went into the House; 'we should always + strive to be kind, even to the very humblest. On the off chance, you know. + The unknown may have struck it rich in sheep or something out in + Australia. Most uncles come from Australia. Or he may be the boss of some + trust, and wallowing in dollars. He may be anything. Let's go and brew, + Bishop. Come on, Reece.' + </p> + <p> + 'I don't mind watching you two chaps eat,' said Gethryn, 'but I can't join + in myself. I have assimilated three pounds odd of the Headmagisterial + muffins already this afternoon. Don't mind me, though.' + </p> + <p> + They went upstairs to Marriott's study, which was also Gethryn's. Two in a + study was the rule at Beckford, though there were recluses who lived + alone, and seemed to enjoy it. + </p> + <p> + When the festive board had ceased to groan, and the cake, which Marriott's + mother had expected to last a fortnight, had been reduced to a mere wreck + of its former self, the thought of his aunt's friend's friend's son + returned to Marriott, and he went down to investigate, returning shortly + afterwards unaccompanied, but evidently full of news. + </p> + <p> + 'Well?' said Gethryn. 'Hasn't he come?' + </p> + <p> + 'A little,' said Marriott, 'just a little. I went down to the fags' room, + and when I opened the door I noticed a certain weird stillness in the + atmosphere. There is usually a row going on that you could cut with a + knife. I looked about. The room was apparently empty. Then I observed a + quaint object on the horizon. Do you know one Skinner by any chance?' + </p> + <p> + 'My dear chap!' said Gethryn. Skinner was a sort of juvenile Professor + Moriarty, a Napoleon of crime. He reeked of crime. He revelled in his + wicked deeds. If a Dormitory-prefect was kept awake at night by some + diabolically ingenious contrivance for combining the minimum of risk with + the maximum of noise, then it was Skinner who had engineered the thing. + Again, did a master, playing nervously forward on a bad pitch at the nets + to Gosling, the School fast bowler, receive the ball gaspingly in the + small ribs, and look round to see whose was that raucous laugh which had + greeted the performance, he would observe a couple of yards away Skinner, + deep in conversation with some friend of equally villainous aspect. In + short, in a word, the only adequate word, he was Skinner. + </p> + <p> + 'Well?' said Reece. + </p> + <p> + 'Skinner,' proceeded Marriott, 'was seated in a chair, bleeding freely + into a rather dirty pocket-handkerchief. His usual genial smile was + hampered by a cut lip, and his right eye was blacked in the most graceful + and pleasing manner. I made tender inquiries, but could get nothing from + him except grunts. So I departed, and just outside the door I met young + Lee, and got the facts out of him. It appears that P. V. Wilson, my aunt's + friend's friend's son, entered the fags' room at four-fifteen. At + four-fifteen-and-a-half, punctually, Skinner was observed to be trying to + rag him. Apparently the great Percy has no sense of humour, for at + four-seventeen he got tired of it, and hit Skinner crisply in the right + eyeball, blacking the same as per illustration. The subsequent fight raged + gorily for five minutes odd, and then Wilson, who seems to be a + professional pugilist in disguise, landed what my informant describes as + three corkers on his opponent's proboscis. Skinner's reply was to sit down + heavily on the floor, and give him to understand that the fight was over, + and that for the next day or two his face would be closed for alterations + and repairs. Wilson thereupon harangued the company in well-chosen terms, + tried to get Skinner to shake hands, but failed, and finally took the + entire crew out to the shop, where they made pigs of themselves at his + expense. I have spoken.' + </p> + <p> + 'And that's the kid you've got to look after,' said Reece, after a pause. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes,' said Marriott. 'What I maintain is that I require a kid built on + those lines to look after me. But you ought to go down and see Skinner's + eye sometime. It's a beautiful bit of work.' <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 2 — INTRODUCES AN UNUSUAL UNCLE + </h2> + <p> + On the following day, at nine o'clock, the term formally began. There is + nothing of Black Monday about the first day of term at a public school. + Black Monday is essentially a private school institution. + </p> + <p> + At Beckford the first day of every term was a half holiday. During the + morning a feeble pretence of work was kept up, but after lunch the school + was free, to do as it pleased and to go where it liked. The nets were put + up for the first time, and the School professional emerged at last from + his winter retirement with his, 'Coom <i>right</i> out to 'em, sir, right + forward', which had helped so many Beckford cricketers to do their duty by + the School in the field. There was one net for the elect, the remnants of + last year's Eleven and the 'probables' for this season, and half a dozen + more for lesser lights. + </p> + <p> + At the first net Norris was batting to the bowling of Gosling, a long, + thin day boy, Gethryn, and the professional—as useful a trio as any + school batsman could wish for. Norris was captain of the team this year, a + sound, stylish bat, with a stroke after the manner of Tyldesley between + cover and mid-off, which used to make Miles the professional almost weep + with joy. But today he had evidently not quite got into form. Twice in + successive balls Gosling knocked his leg stump out of the ground with + yorkers, and the ball after that, Gethryn upset his middle with a beauty. + </p> + <p> + 'Hat-trick, Norris,' shouted Gosling. + </p> + <p> + 'Can't see 'em a bit today. Bowled, Bishop.' + </p> + <p> + A second teaser from Gethryn had almost got through his defence. The + Bishop was undoubtedly a fine bowler. Without being quite so fast as + Gosling, he nevertheless contrived to work up a very considerable speed + when he wished to, and there was always something in every ball he bowled + which made it necessary for the batsman to watch it all the way. In + matches against other schools it was generally Gosling who took the + wickets. The batsmen were bothered by his pace. But when the M.C.C. or the + Incogniti came down, bringing seasoned county men who knew what fast + bowling really was, and rather preferred it on the whole to slow, then + Gethryn was called upon. + </p> + <p> + Most Beckfordians who did not play cricket on the first day of term went + on the river. A few rode bicycles or strolled out into the country in + couples, but the majority, amongst whom on this occasion was Marriott, + sallied to the water and hired boats. Marriott was one of the six old + cricket colours—the others were Norris, Gosling, Gethryn, Reece, and + Pringle of the School House—who formed the foundation of this year's + Eleven. He was not an ornamental bat, but stood quite alone in the matter + of tall hitting. Twenty minutes of Marriott when in form would often + completely alter the course of a match. He had been given his colours in + the previous year for making exactly a hundred in sixty-one minutes + against the Authentics when the rest of the team had contributed + ninety-eight. The Authentics made a hundred and eighty-four, so that the + School just won; and the story of how there were five men out in the deep + for him, and how he put the slow bowler over their heads and over the + ropes eight times in three overs, had passed into a school legend. + </p> + <p> + But today other things than cricket occupied his attention. He had run + Wilson to earth, and was engaged in making his acquaintance, according to + instructions received. + </p> + <p> + 'Are you Wilson?' he asked. 'P.V. Wilson?' + </p> + <p> + Wilson confirmed the charge. + </p> + <p> + 'My name's Marriott. Does that convey any significance to your young + mind?' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, yes. My mater knows somebody who knows your aunt.' + </p> + <p> + 'It is a true bill.' + </p> + <p> + 'And she said you would look after me. I know you won't have time, of + course.' + </p> + <p> + 'I expect I shall have time to give you all the looking after you'll + require. It won't be much, from all I've heard. Was all that true about + you and young Skinner?' + </p> + <p> + Wilson grinned. + </p> + <p> + 'I did have a bit of a row with a chap called Skinner,' he admitted. + </p> + <p> + 'So Skinner seems to think,' said Marriott. 'What was it all about?' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, he made an ass of himself,' said Wilson vaguely. + </p> + <p> + Marriott nodded. + </p> + <p> + 'He would. I know the man. I shouldn't think you'd have much trouble with + Skinner in the future. By the way, I've got you for a fag this term. You + don't have to do much in the summer. Just rot around, you know, and go to + the shop for biscuits and things, that's all. And, within limits of + course, you get the run of the study.' + </p> + <p> + 'I see,' said Wilson gratefully. The prospect was pleasant. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh yes, and it's your privilege to pipe-clay my cricket boots + occasionally before First matches. You'll like that. Can you steer a + boat?' + </p> + <p> + 'I don't think so. I never tried.' + </p> + <p> + 'It's easy enough. I'll tell you what to do. Anyhow, you probably won't + steer any worse than I row, so let's go and get a boat out, and I'll try + and think of a few more words of wisdom for your benefit.' + </p> + <p> + At the nets Norris had finished his innings, and Pringle was batting in + his stead. Gethryn had given up his ball to Baynes, who bowled slow + leg-breaks, and was the most probable of the probables above-mentioned. He + went to where Norris was taking off his pads, and began to talk to him. + Norris was the head of Jephson's House, and he and the Bishop were very + good friends, in a casual sort of way. If they did not see one another for + a couple of days, neither of them broke his heart. Whenever, on the other + hand, they did meet, they were always glad, and always had plenty to talk + about. Most school friendships are of that description. + </p> + <p> + 'You were sending down some rather hot stuff,' said Norris, as Gethryn sat + down beside him, and began to inspect Pringle's performance with a + critical eye. + </p> + <p> + 'I did feel rather fit,' said he. 'But I don't think half those that got + you would have taken wickets in a match. You aren't in form yet.' + </p> + <p> + 'I tell you what it is, Bishop,' said Norris, 'I believe I'm going to be a + rank failure this season. Being captain does put one off.' + </p> + <p> + 'Don't be an idiot, man. How can you possibly tell after one day's play at + the nets?' + </p> + <p> + 'I don't know. I feel so beastly anxious somehow. I feel as if I was + personally responsible for every match lost. It was all right last year + when John Brown was captain. Good old John! Do you remember his running + you out in the Charchester match?' + </p> + <p> + 'Don't,' said Gethryn pathetically. 'The only time I've ever felt as if I + really was going to make that century. By Jove, see that drive? Pringle + seems all right.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes, you know, he'll simply walk into his Blue when he goes up to the + Varsity. What do you think of Baynes?' + </p> + <p> + 'Ought to be rather useful on his wicket. Jephson thinks he's good.' + </p> + <p> + Mr Jephson looked after the School cricket. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes, I believe he rather fancies him,' said Norris. 'Says he ought to do + some big things if we get any rain. Hullo, Pringle, are you coming out? + You'd better go in, then, Bishop.' + </p> + <p> + 'All right. Thanks. Oh, by Jove, though, I forgot. I can't. I've got to go + down to the station to meet an uncle of mine.' + </p> + <p> + 'What's he coming up today for? Why didn't he wait till we'd got a match + of sorts on?' + </p> + <p> + 'I don't know. The man's probably a lunatic. Anyhow, I shall have to go + and meet him, and I shall just do it comfortably if I go and change now.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh! Right you are! Sammy, do you want a knock?' + </p> + <p> + Samuel Wilberforce Gosling, known to his friends and admirers as Sammy, + replied that he did not. All he wanted now, he said, was a drink, or + possibly two drinks, and a jolly good rest in the shade somewhere. Gosling + was one of those rare individuals who cultivate bowling at the expense of + batting, a habit the reverse of what usually obtains in schools. + </p> + <p> + Norris admitted the justice of his claims, and sent in a Second Eleven + man, Baker, a member of his own House, in Pringle's place. Pringle and + Gosling adjourned to the School shop for refreshment. + </p> + <p> + Gethryn walked with them as far as the gate which opened on to the road + where most of the boarding Houses stood, and then branched off in the + direction of Leicester's. To change into everyday costume took him a + quarter of an hour, at the end of which period he left the House, and + began to walk down the road in the direction of the station. + </p> + <p> + It was an hour's easy walking between Horton, the nearest station to + Beckford, and the College. Gethryn, who was rather tired after his + exertions at the nets, took it very easily, and when he arrived at his + destination the church clock was striking four. + </p> + <p> + 'Is the three-fifty-six in yet?' he asked of the solitary porter who + ministered to the needs of the traveller at Horton station. + </p> + <p> + 'Just a-coming in now, zur,' said the porter, adding, in a sort of + inspired frenzy: ''Orton! 'Orton stertion! 'Orton!' and ringing a bell + with immense enthusiasm and vigour. + </p> + <p> + Gethryn strolled to the gate, where the station-master's son stood at the + receipt of custom to collect the tickets. His uncle was to arrive by this + train, and if he did so arrive, must of necessity pass this way before + leaving the platform. The train panted in, pulled up, whistled, and puffed + out again, leaving three people behind it. One of these was a woman of + sixty (approximately), the second a small girl of ten, the third a young + gentleman in a top hat and Etons, who carried a bag, and looked as if he + had seen the hollowness of things, for his face wore a bored, supercilious + look. His uncle had evidently not arrived, unless he had come disguised as + an old woman, an act of which Gethryn refused to believe him capable. + </p> + <p> + He enquired as to the next train that was expected to arrive from London. + The station-master's son was not sure, but would ask the porter, whose + name it appeared was Johnny. Johnny gave the correct answer without an + effort. 'Seven-thirty it was, sir, except on Saturdays, when it was eight + o'clock.' + </p> + <p> + 'Thanks,' said the Bishop. 'Dash the man, he might at least have wired.' + </p> + <p> + He registered a silent wish concerning the uncle who had brought him a + long three miles out of his way with nothing to show at the end of it, and + was just turning to leave the station, when the top-hatted small boy, who + had been hovering round the group during the conversation, addressed + winged words to him. These were the winged words— + </p> + <p> + 'I say, are you looking for somebody?' The Bishop stared at him as a + naturalist stares at a novel species of insect. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes,' he said. 'Why?' + </p> + <p> + 'Is your name Gethryn?' + </p> + <p> + This affair, thought the Bishop, was beginning to assume an uncanny + aspect. + </p> + <p> + 'How the dickens did you know that?' he said. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, then you are Gethryn? That's all right. I was told you were going to + be here to meet this train. Glad to make your acquaintance. My name's + Farnie. I'm your uncle, you know.' + </p> + <p> + 'My what?' gurgled the Bishop. + </p> + <p> + 'Your uncle. U-n, un; c-l-e—kul. Uncle. Fact, I assure you.' <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 3 — THE UNCLE MAKES HIMSELF AT HOME + </h2> + <p> + 'But, dash it,' said Gethryn, when he had finished gasping, 'that must be + rot!' + </p> + <p> + 'Not a bit,' said the self-possessed youth. 'Your mater was my elder + sister. You'll find it works out all right. Look here. A, the daughter of + B and C, marries. No, look here. I was born when you were four. See?' + </p> + <p> + Then the demoralized Bishop remembered. He had heard of his juvenile + uncle, but the tales had made little impression upon him. Till now they + had not crossed one another's tracks. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, all right,' said he, 'I'll take your word for it. You seem to have + been getting up the subject.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. Thought you might want to know about it. I say, how far is it to + Beckford, and how do you get there?' + </p> + <p> + Up till now Gethryn had scarcely realized that his uncle was actually + coming to the School for good. These words brought the fact home to him. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, Lord,' he said, 'are you coming to Beckford?' + </p> + <p> + The thought of having his footsteps perpetually dogged by an uncle four + years younger than himself, and manifestly a youth with a fine taste in + cheek, was not pleasant. + </p> + <p> + 'Of course,' said his uncle. 'What did you think I was going to do? Camp + out on the platform?' + </p> + <p> + 'What House are you in?' + </p> + <p> + 'Leicester's.' + </p> + <p> + The worst had happened. The bitter cup was full, the iron neatly inserted + in Gethryn's soul. In his most pessimistic moments he had never looked + forward to the coming term so gloomily as he did now. His uncle noted his + lack of enthusiasm, and attributed it to anxiety on behalf of himself. + </p> + <p> + 'What's up?' he asked. 'Isn't Leicester's all right? Is Leicester a + beast?' + </p> + <p> + 'No. He's a perfectly decent sort of man. It's a good enough House. At + least it will be this term. I was only thinking of something.' + </p> + <p> + 'I see. Well, how do you get to the place?' + </p> + <p> + 'Walk. It isn't far.' + </p> + <p> + 'How far?' + </p> + <p> + 'Three miles.' + </p> + <p> + 'The porter said four.' + </p> + <p> + 'It may be four. I never measured it.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, how the dickens do you think I'm going to walk four miles with + luggage? I wish you wouldn't rot.' + </p> + <p> + And before Gethryn could quite realize that he, the head of Leicester's, + the second-best bowler in the School, and the best centre three-quarter + the School had had for four seasons, had been requested in a peremptory + manner by a youth of fourteen, a mere kid, not to rot, the offender was + talking to a cabman out of the reach of retaliation. Gethryn became more + convinced every minute that this was no ordinary kid. + </p> + <p> + 'This man says,' observed Farnie, returning to Gethryn, 'that he'll drive + me up to the College for seven bob. As it's a short four miles, and I've + only got two boxes, it seems to me that he's doing himself fairly well. + What do you think?' + </p> + <p> + 'Nobody ever gives more than four bob,' said Gethryn. + </p> + <p> + 'I told you so,' said Farnie to the cabman. 'You are a bally swindler,' he + added admiringly. + </p> + <p> + 'Look 'ere,' began the cabman, in a pained voice. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, dry up,' said Farnie. 'Want a lift, Gethryn?' + </p> + <p> + The words were spoken not so much as from equal to equal as in a tone of + airy patronage which made the Bishop's blood boil. But as he intended to + instil a few words of wisdom into his uncle's mind, he did not refuse the + offer. + </p> + <p> + The cabman, apparently accepting the situation as one of those slings and + arrows of outrageous fortune which no man can hope to escape, settled down + on the box, clicked up his horse, and drove on towards the College. + </p> + <p> + 'What sort of a hole is Beckford?' asked Farnie, after the silence had + lasted some time. + </p> + <p> + 'I find it good enough personally,' said Gethryn. 'If you'd let us know + earlier that you were coming, we'd have had the place done up a bit for + you.' + </p> + <p> + This, of course, was feeble, distinctly feeble. But the Bishop was not + feeling himself. The essay in sarcasm left the would-be victim entirely + uncrushed. He should have shrunk and withered up, or at the least have + blushed. But he did nothing of the sort. He merely smiled in his + supercilious way, until the Bishop felt very much inclined to spring upon + him and throw him out of the cab. + </p> + <p> + There was another pause. + </p> + <p> + 'Farnie,' began Gethryn at last. + </p> + <p> + 'Um?' + </p> + <p> + 'Doesn't it strike you that for a kid like you you've got a good deal of + edge on?' asked Gethryn. + </p> + <p> + Farnie effected a masterly counter-stroke. He pretended not to be able to + hear. He was sorry, but would the Bishop mind repeating his remark. + </p> + <p> + 'Eh? What?' he said. 'Very sorry, but this cab's making such a row. I say, + cabby, why don't you sign the pledge, and save your money up to buy a new + cab? Eh? Oh, sorry! I wasn't listening.' Now, inasmuch as the whole virtue + of the 'wretched-little-kid-like-you' argument lies in the crisp despatch + with which it is delivered, Gethryn began to find, on repeating his + observation for the third time, that there was not quite so much in it as + he had thought. He prudently elected to change his style of attack. + </p> + <p> + 'It doesn't matter,' he said wearily, as Farnie opened his mouth to demand + a fourth encore, 'it wasn't anything important. Now, look here, I just + want to give you a few tips about what to do when you get to the Coll. To + start with, you'll have to take off that white tie you've got on. Black + and dark blue are the only sorts allowed here.' + </p> + <p> + 'How about yours then?' Gethryn was wearing a somewhat sweet thing in + brown and yellow. + </p> + <p> + 'Mine happens to be a First Eleven tie.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh! Well, as a matter of fact, you know, I was going to take off my tie. + I always do, especially at night. It's a sort of habit I've got into.' + </p> + <p> + 'Not quite so much of your beastly cheek, please,' said Gethryn. + </p> + <p> + 'Right-ho!' said Farnie cheerfully, and silence, broken only by the + shrieking of the cab wheels, brooded once more over the cab. Then Gethryn, + feeling that perhaps it would be a shame to jump too severely on a new boy + on his first day at a large public school, began to think of something + conciliatory to say. 'Look here,' he said, 'you'll get on all right at + Beckford, I expect. You'll find Leicester's a fairly decent sort of House. + Anyhow, you needn't be afraid you'll get bullied. There's none of that + sort of thing at School nowadays.' + </p> + <p> + 'Really?' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes, and there's another thing I ought to warn you about. Have you + brought much money with you?' + </p> + <p> + ''Bout fourteen pounds, I fancy,' said Farnie carelessly. + </p> + <p> + 'Fourteen <i>what</i>!' said the amazed Bishop. '<i>Pounds!</i>' + </p> + <p> + 'Or sovereigns,' said Farnie. 'Each worth twenty shillings, you know.' + </p> + <p> + For a moment Gethryn's only feeling was one of unmixed envy. Previously he + had considered himself passing rich on thirty shillings a term. He had + heard legends, of course, of individuals who come to School bursting with + bullion, but never before had he set eyes upon such an one. But after a + time it began to dawn upon him that for a new boy at a public school, and + especially at such a House as Leicester's had become under the rule of the + late Reynolds and his predecessors, there might be such a thing as having + too much money. + </p> + <p> + 'How the deuce did you get all that?' he asked. + </p> + <p> + 'My pater gave it me. He's absolutely cracked on the subject of + pocket-money. Sometimes he doesn't give me a sou, and sometimes he'll give + me whatever I ask for.' + </p> + <p> + 'But you don't mean to say you had the cheek to ask for fourteen quid?' + </p> + <p> + 'I asked for fifteen. Got it, too. I've spent a pound of it. I said I + wanted to buy a bike. You can get a jolly good bike for five quid about, + so you see I scoop ten pounds. What?' + </p> + <p> + This ingenious, if slightly unscrupulous, feat gave Gethryn an insight + into his uncle's character which up till now he had lacked. He began to + see that the moral advice with which he had primed himself would be out of + place. Evidently this youth could take quite good care of himself on his + own account. Still, even a budding Professor Moriarty would be none the + worse for being warned against Gethryn's <i>bete noire</i>, Monk, so the + Bishop proceeded to deliver that warning. + </p> + <p> + 'Well,' he said, 'you seem to be able to look out for yourself all right, + I must say. But there's one tip I really can give you. When you get to + Leicester's, and a beast with a green complexion and an oily smile comes + up and calls you "Old Cha-a-p", and wants you to swear eternal friendship, + tell him it's not good enough. Squash him!' + </p> + <p> + 'Thanks,' said Farnie. 'Who is this genial merchant?' + </p> + <p> + 'Chap called Monk. You'll recognize him by the smell of scent. When you + find the place smelling like an Eau-de-Cologne factory, you'll know Monk's + somewhere near. Don't you have anything to do with him.' + </p> + <p> + 'You seem to dislike the gentleman.' + </p> + <p> + 'I bar the man. But that isn't why I'm giving you the tip to steer clear + of him. There are dozens of chaps I bar who haven't an ounce of vice in + them. And there are one or two chaps who have got tons. Monk's one of + them. A fellow called Danvers is another. Also a beast of the name of + Waterford. There are some others as well, but those are the worst of the + lot. By the way, I forgot to ask, have you ever been to school before?' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes,' said Farnie, in the dreamy voice of one who recalls memories from + the misty past, 'I was at Harrow before I came here, and at Wellington + before I went to Harrow, and at Clifton before I went to Wellington.' + </p> + <p> + Gethryn gasped. + </p> + <p> + 'Anywhere before you went to Clifton?' he enquired. + </p> + <p> + 'Only private schools.' + </p> + <p> + The recollection of the platitudes which he had been delivering, under the + impression that he was talking to an entirely raw beginner, made Gethryn + feel slightly uncomfortable. What must this wanderer, who had seen men and + cities, have thought of his harangue? + </p> + <p> + 'Why did you leave Harrow?' asked he. + </p> + <p> + 'Sacked,' was the laconic reply. + </p> + <p> + Have you ever, asks a modern philosopher, gone upstairs in the dark, and + trodden on the last step when it wasn't there? That sensation and the one + Gethryn felt at this unexpected revelation were identical. And the worst + of it was that he felt the keenest desire to know why Harrow had seen fit + to dispense with the presence of his uncle. + </p> + <p> + 'Why?' he began. 'I mean,' he went on hurriedly, 'why did you leave + Wellington?' + </p> + <p> + 'Sacked,' said Farnie again, with the monotonous persistence of a Solomon + Eagle. + </p> + <p> + Gethryn felt at this juncture much as the unfortunate gentleman in <i>Punch</i> + must have felt, when, having finished a humorous story, the point of which + turned upon squinting and red noses, he suddenly discovered that his host + enjoyed both those peculiarities. He struggled manfully with his feelings + for a time. Tact urged him to discontinue his investigations and talk + about the weather. Curiosity insisted upon knowing further details. Just + as the struggle was at its height, Farnie came unexpectedly to the rescue. + </p> + <p> + 'It may interest you,' he said, 'to know that I was not sacked from + Clifton.' + </p> + <p> + Gethryn with some difficulty refrained from thanking him for the + information. + </p> + <p> + 'I never stop at a school long,' said Farnie. 'If I don't get sacked my + father takes me away after a couple of terms. I went to four private + schools before I started on the public schools. My pater took me away from + the first two because he thought the drains were bad, the third because + they wouldn't teach me shorthand, and the fourth because he didn't like + the headmaster's face. I worked off those schools in a year and a half.' + Having finished this piece of autobiography, he relapsed into silence, + leaving Gethryn to recollect various tales he had heard of his + grandfather's eccentricity. The silence lasted until the College was + reached, when the matron took charge of Farnie, and Gethryn went off to + tell Marriott of these strange happenings. + </p> + <p> + Marriott was amused, nor did he attempt to conceal the fact. When he had + finished laughing, which was not for some time, he favoured the Bishop + with a very sound piece of advice. 'If I were you,' he said, 'I should try + and hush this affair up. It's all fearfully funny, but I think you'd enjoy + life more if nobody knew this kid was your uncle. To see the head of the + House going about with a juvenile uncle in his wake might amuse the chaps + rather, and you might find it harder to keep order; I won't let it out, + and nobody else knows apparently. Go and square the kid. Oh, I say though, + what's his name? If it's Gethryn, you're done. Unless you like to swear + he's a cousin.' + </p> + <p> + 'No; his name's Farnie, thank goodness.' + </p> + <p> + 'That's all right then. Go and talk to him.' + </p> + <p> + Gethryn went to the junior study. Farnie was holding forth to a knot of + fags at one end of the room. His audience appeared to be amused at + something. + </p> + <p> + 'I say, Farnie,' said the Bishop, 'half a second.' + </p> + <p> + Farnie came out, and Gethryn proceeded to inform him that, all things + considered, and proud as he was of the relationship, it was not absolutely + essential that he should tell everybody that he was his uncle. In fact, it + would be rather better on the whole if he did not. Did he follow? + </p> + <p> + Farnie begged to observe that he did follow, but that, to his sorrow, the + warning came too late. + </p> + <p> + 'I'm very sorry,' he said, 'I hadn't the least idea you wanted the thing + kept dark. How was I to know? I've just been telling it to some of the + chaps in there. Awfully decent chaps. They seemed to think it rather + funny. Anyhow, I'm not ashamed of the relationship. Not yet, at any rate.' + </p> + <p> + For a moment Gethryn seemed about to speak. He looked fixedly at his uncle + as he stood framed in the doorway, a cheerful column of cool, calm, + concentrated cheek. Then, as if realizing that no words that he knew could + do justice to the situation, he raised his foot in silence, and 'booted' + his own flesh and blood with marked emphasis. After which ceremony he + went, still without a word, upstairs again. + </p> + <p> + As for Farnie, he returned to the junior day-room whistling 'Down South' + in a soft but cheerful key, and solidified his growing popularity with + doles of food from a hamper which he had brought with him. Finally, on + retiring to bed and being pressed by the rest of his dormitory for a + story, he embarked upon the history of a certain Pollock and an individual + referred to throughout as the Porroh Man, the former of whom caused the + latter to be decapitated, and was ever afterwards haunted by his head, + which appeared to him all day and every day (not excepting Sundays and + Bank Holidays) in an upside-down position and wearing a horrible grin. In + the end Pollock very sensibly committed suicide (with ghastly details), + and the dormitory thanked Farnie in a subdued and chastened manner, and + tried, with small success, to go to sleep. In short, Farnie's first + evening at Beckford had been quite a triumph. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 4 — PRINGLE MAKES A SPORTING OFFER + </h2> + <p> + Estimating it roughly, it takes a new boy at a public school about a week + to find his legs and shed his skin of newness. The period is, of course, + longer in the case of some and shorter in the case of others. Both Farnie + and Wilson had made themselves at home immediately. In the case of the + latter, directly the Skinner episode had been noised abroad, and it was + discovered in addition that he was a promising bat, public opinion + recognized that here was a youth out of the common run of new boys, and + the Lower Fourth—the form in which he had been placed on arrival—took + him to its bosom as an equal. Farnie's case was exceptional. A career at + Harrow, Clifton, and Wellington, however short and abruptly terminated, + gives one some sort of grip on the way public school life is conducted. At + an early date, moreover, he gave signs of what almost amounted to genius + in the Indoor Game department. Now, success in the field is a good thing, + and undoubtedly makes for popularity. But if you desire to command the + respect and admiration of your fellow-beings to a degree stretched almost + to the point of idolatry, make yourself proficient in the art of whiling + away the hours of afternoon school. Before Farnie's arrival, his form, the + Upper Fourth, with the best intentions in the world, had not been skilful + 'raggers'. They had ragged in an intermittent, once-a-week sort of way. + When, however, he came on the scene, he introduced a welcome element of + science into the sport. As witness the following. Mr Strudwick, the + regular master of the form, happened on one occasion to be away for a + couple of days, and a stop-gap was put in in his place. The name of the + stop-gap was Mr Somerville Smith. He and Farnie exchanged an unspoken + declaration of war almost immediately. The first round went in Mr Smith's + favour. He contrived to catch Farnie in the act of performing some + ingenious breach of the peace, and, it being a Wednesday and a + half-holiday, sent him into extra lesson. On the following morning, more + by design than accident, Farnie upset an inkpot. Mr Smith observed icily + that unless the stain was wiped away before the beginning of afternoon + school, there would be trouble. Farnie observed (to himself) that there + would be trouble in any case, for he had hit upon the central idea for the + most colossal 'rag' that, in his opinion, ever was. After morning school + he gathered the form around him, and disclosed his idea. The floor of the + form-room, he pointed out, was some dozen inches below the level of the + door. Would it not be a pleasant and profitable notion, he asked, to flood + the floor with water to the depth of those dozen inches? On the wall + outside the form-room hung a row of buckets, placed there in case of fire, + and the lavatory was not too far off for practical purposes. Mr Smith had + bidden him wash the floor. It was obviously his duty to do so. The form + thought so too. For a solid hour, thirty weary but enthusiastic reprobates + laboured without ceasing, and by the time the bell rang all was prepared. + The floor was one still, silent pool. Two caps and a few notebooks floated + sluggishly on the surface, relieving the picture of any tendency to + monotony. The form crept silently to their places along the desks. As Mr + Smith's footsteps were heard approaching, they began to beat vigorously + upon the desks, with the result that Mr Smith, quickening his pace, dashed + into the form-room at a hard gallop. The immediate results were absolutely + satisfactory, and if matters subsequently (when Mr Smith, having changed + his clothes, returned with the Headmaster) did get somewhat warm for the + thirty criminals, they had the satisfying feeling that their duty had been + done, and a hearty and unanimous vote of thanks was passed to Farnie. From + which it will be seen that Master Reginald Farnie was managing to extract + more or less enjoyment out of his life at Beckford. + </p> + <p> + Another person who was enjoying life was Pringle of the School House. The + keynote of Pringle's character was superiority. At an early period of his + life—he was still unable to speak at the time—his grandmother + had died. This is probably the sole reason why he had never taught that + relative to suck eggs. Had she lived, her education in that direction must + have been taken in hand. Baffled in this, Pringle had turned his attention + to the rest of the human race. He had a rooted conviction that he did + everything a shade better than anybody else. This belief did not make him + arrogant at all, and certainly not offensive, for he was exceedingly + popular in the School. But still there were people who thought that he + might occasionally draw the line somewhere. Watson, the ground-man, for + example, thought so when Pringle primed him with advice on the subject of + preparing a wicket. And Langdale, who had been captain of the team five + years before, had thought so most decidedly, and had not hesitated to say + so when Pringle, then in his first term and aged twelve, had stood behind + the First Eleven net and requested him peremptorily to 'keep 'em down, + sir, keep 'em down'. Indeed, the great man had very nearly had a fit on + that occasion, and was wont afterwards to attribute to the effects of the + shock so received a sequence of three 'ducks' which befell him in the next + three matches. + </p> + <p> + In short, in every department of life, Pringle's advice was always (and + generally unsought) at everybody's disposal. To round the position off + neatly, it would be necessary to picture him as a total failure in the + practical side of all the subjects in which he was so brilliant a + theorist. Strangely enough, however, this was not the case. There were few + better bats in the School than Pringle. Norris on his day was more + stylish, and Marriott not infrequently made more runs, but for consistency + Pringle was unrivalled. + </p> + <p> + That was partly the reason why at this time he was feeling pleased with + life. The School had played three matches up to date, and had won them + all. In the first, an Oxford college team, containing several Old + Beckfordians, had been met and routed, Pringle contributing thirty-one to + a total of three hundred odd. But Norris had made a century, which had + rather diverted the public eye from this performance. Then the School had + played the Emeriti, and had won again quite comfortably. This time his + score had been forty-one, useful, but still not phenomenal. Then in the + third match, <i>versus</i> Charchester, one of the big school matches of + the season, he had found himself. He ran up a hundred and twenty-three + without a chance, and felt that life had little more to offer. That had + been only a week ago, and the glow of satisfaction was still pleasantly + warm. + </p> + <p> + It was while he was gloating silently in his study over the bat with which + a grateful Field Sports Committee had presented him as a reward for this + feat, that he became aware that Lorimer, his study companion, appeared to + be in an entirely different frame of mind to his own. Lorimer was in the + Upper Fifth, Pringle in the Remove. Lorimer sat at the study table gnawing + a pen in a feverish manner that told of an overwrought soul. Twice he + uttered sounds that were obviously sounds of anguish, half groans and half + grunts. Pringle laid down his bat and decided to investigate. + </p> + <p> + 'What's up?' he asked. + </p> + <p> + 'This bally poem thing,' said Lorimer. + </p> + <p> + 'Poem? Oh, ah, I know.' Pringle had been in the Upper Fifth himself a year + before, and he remembered that every summer term there descended upon that + form a Bad Time in the shape of a poetry prize. A certain Indian + potentate, the Rajah of Seltzerpore, had paid a visit to the school some + years back, and had left behind him on his departure certain monies in the + local bank, which were to be devoted to providing the Upper Fifth with an + annual prize for the best poem on a subject to be selected by the + Headmaster. Entrance was compulsory. The wily authorities knew very well + that if it had not been, the entries for the prize would have been + somewhat small. Why the Upper Fifth were so favoured in preference to the + Sixth or Remove is doubtful. Possibly it was felt that, what with the + Jones History, the Smith Latin Verse, the Robinson Latin Prose, and the De + Vere Crespigny Greek Verse, and other trophies open only to members of the + Remove and Sixth, those two forms had enough to keep them occupied as it + was. At any rate, to the Upper Fifth the prize was given, and every year, + three weeks after the commencement of the summer term, the Bad Time + arrived. + </p> + <p> + 'Can't you get on?' asked Pringle. + </p> + <p> + 'No.' + </p> + <p> + 'What's the subject?' + </p> + <p> + 'Death of Dido.' + </p> + <p> + 'Something to be got out of that, surely.' + </p> + <p> + 'Wish you'd tell me what.' + </p> + <p> + 'Heap of things.' + </p> + <p> + 'Such as what? Can't see anything myself. I call it perfectly indecent + dragging the good lady out of her well-earned tomb at this time of day. + I've looked her up in the Dic. of Antiquities, and it appears that she + committed suicide some years ago. Body-snatching, I call it. What do I + want to know about her?' + </p> + <p> + 'What's Hecuba to him or he to Hecuba?' murmured Pringle. + </p> + <p> + 'Hecuba?' said Lorimer, looking puzzled, 'What's Hecuba got to do with + it?' + </p> + <p> + 'I was only quoting,' said Pringle, with gentle superiority. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, I wish instead of quoting rot you'd devote your energies to helping + me with these beastly verses. How on earth shall I begin?' + </p> + <p> + 'You might adapt my quotation. "What's Dido got to do with me, or I to do + with Dido?" I rather like that. Jam it down. Then you go on in a sort of + rag-time metre. In the "Coon Drum-Major" style. Besides, you see, the + beauty of it is that you administer a wholesome snub to the examiner right + away. Makes him sit up at once. Put it down.' + </p> + <p> + Lorimer bit off another quarter of an inch of his pen. 'You needn't be an + ass,' he said shortly. + </p> + <p> + 'My dear chap,' said Pringle, enjoying himself immensely, 'what on earth + is the good of my offering you suggestions if you won't take them?' + </p> + <p> + Lorimer said nothing. He bit off another mouthful of penholder. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, anyway,' resumed Pringle. 'I can't see why you're so keen on the + business. Put down anything. The beaks never make a fuss about these + special exams.' + </p> + <p> + 'It isn't the beaks I care about,' said Lorimer in an injured tone of + voice, as if someone had been insinuating that he had committed some + crime, 'only my people are rather keen on my doing well in this exam.' + </p> + <p> + 'Why this exam, particularly?' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, I don't know. My grandfather or someone was a bit of a pro at verse + in his day, I believe, and they think it ought to run in the family.' + </p> + <p> + Pringle examined the situation in all its aspects. 'Can't you get along?' + he enquired at length. + </p> + <p> + 'Not an inch.' + </p> + <p> + 'Pity. I wish we could swop places.' + </p> + <p> + 'So do I for some things. To start with, I shouldn't mind having made that + century of yours against Charchester.' + </p> + <p> + Pringle beamed. The least hint that his fellow-man was taking him at his + own valuation always made him happy. + </p> + <p> + 'Thanks,' he said. 'No, but what I meant was that I wished I was in for + this poetry prize. I bet I could turn out a rattling good screed. Why, + last year I almost got the prize. I sent in fearfully hot stuff.' + </p> + <p> + 'Think so?' said Lorimer doubtfully, in answer to the 'rattling good + screed' passage of Pringle's speech. 'Well, I wish you'd have a shot. You + might as well.' + </p> + <p> + 'What, really? How about the prize?' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, hang the prize. We'll have to chance that.' + </p> + <p> + 'I thought you were keen on getting it.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, no. Second or third will do me all right, and satisfy my people. They + only want to know for certain that I've got the poetic afflatus all right. + Will you take it on?' + </p> + <p> + 'All right.' + </p> + <p> + 'Thanks, awfully.' + </p> + <p> + 'I say, Lorimer,' said Pringle after a pause. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes?' + </p> + <p> + 'Are your people coming down for the O.B.s' match?' + </p> + <p> + The Old Beckfordians' match was the great function of the Beckford cricket + season. The Headmaster gave a garden-party. The School band played; the + School choir sang; and sisters, cousins, aunts, and parents flocked to the + School in platoons. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes, I think so,' said Lorimer. 'Why?' + </p> + <p> + 'Is your sister coming?' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, I don't know.' A brother's utter lack of interest in his sister's + actions is a weird and wonderful thing for an outsider to behold. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, look here, I wish you'd get her to come. We could give them tea in + here, and have rather a good time, don't you think?' + </p> + <p> + 'All right. I'll make her come. Look here, Pringle, I believe you're + rather gone on Mabel.' + </p> + <p> + This was Lorimer's vulgar way. + </p> + <p> + 'Don't be an ass,' said Pringle, with a laugh which should have been + careless, but was in reality merely feeble. 'She's quite a kid.' + </p> + <p> + Miss Mabel Lorimer's exact age was fifteen. She had brown hair, blue eyes, + and a smile which disclosed to view a dimple. There are worse things than + a dimple. Distinctly so, indeed. When ladies of fifteen possess dimples, + mere man becomes but as a piece of damp blotting-paper. Pringle was + seventeen and a half, and consequently too old to take note of such + frivolous attributes; but all the same he had a sort of vague, sketchy + impression that it would be pleasanter to run up a lively century against + the O.B.s with Miss Lorimer as a spectator than in her absence. He felt + pleased that she was coming. + </p> + <p> + 'I say, about this poem,' said Lorimer, dismissing a subject which + manifestly bored him, and returning to one which was of vital interest, + 'you're sure you can write fairly decent stuff? It's no good sending in + stuff that'll turn the examiner's hair grey. Can you turn out something + really decent?' + </p> + <p> + Pringle said nothing. He smiled gently as who should observe, 'I and + Shakespeare.' <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 5 — FARNIE GETS INTO TROUBLE— + </h2> + <p> + It was perhaps only natural that Farnie, having been warned so strongly of + the inadvisability of having anything to do with Monk, should for that + very reason be attracted to him. Nobody ever wants to do anything except + what they are not allowed to do. Otherwise there is no explaining the + friendship that arose between them. Jack Monk was not an attractive + individual. He had a slack mouth and a shifty eye, and his complexion was + the sort which friends would have described as olive, enemies (with more + truth) as dirty green. These defects would have mattered little, of + course, in themselves. There's many a bilious countenance, so to speak, + covers a warm heart. With Monk, however, appearances were not deceptive. + He looked a bad lot, and he was one. + </p> + <p> + It was on the second morning of term that the acquaintanceship began. Monk + was coming downstairs from his study with Danvers, and Farnie was leaving + the fags' day-room. + </p> + <p> + 'See that kid?' said Danvers. 'That's the chap I was telling you about. + Gethryn's uncle, you know.' + </p> + <p> + 'Not really? Let's cultivate him. I say, old chap, don't walk so fast.' + Farnie, rightly concluding that the remark was addressed to him, turned + and waited, and the three strolled over to the School buildings together. + </p> + <p> + They would have made an interesting study for the observer of human + nature, the two seniors fancying that they had to deal with a small boy + just arrived at his first school, and in the grip of that strange, lost + feeling which attacks the best of new boys for a day or so after their + arrival; and Farnie, on the other hand, watching every move, as perfectly + composed and at home as a youth should be with the experience of three + public schools to back him up. + </p> + <p> + When they arrived at the School gates, Monk and Danvers turned to go in + the direction of their form-room, the Remove, leaving Farnie at the door + of the Upper Fourth. At this point a small comedy took place. Monk, after + feeling hastily in his pockets, requested Danvers to lend him five + shillings until next Saturday. Danvers knew this request of old, and he + knew the answer that was expected of him. By replying that he was sorry, + but he had not got the money, he gave Farnie, who was still standing at + the door, his cue to offer to supply the deficiency. Most new boys—they + had grasped this fact from experience—would have felt it an honour + to oblige a senior with a small loan. As Farnie made no signs of doing + what was expected of him, Monk was obliged to resort to the somewhat + cruder course of applying for the loan in person. He applied. Farnie with + the utmost willingness brought to light a handful of money, mostly gold. + Monk's eye gleamed approval, and he stretched forth an itching palm. + Danvers began to think that it would be rash to let a chance like this + slip. Ordinarily the tacit agreement between the pair was that only one + should borrow at a time, lest confidence should be destroyed in the + victim. But here was surely an exception, a special case. With a young + gentleman so obviously a man of coin as Farnie, the rule might well be + broken for once. + </p> + <p> + 'While you're about it, Farnie, old man,' he said carelessly, 'you might + let me have a bob or two if you don't mind. Five bob'll see me through to + Saturday all right.' + </p> + <p> + 'Do you mean tomorrow?' enquired Farnie, looking up from his heap of gold. + </p> + <p> + 'No, Saturday week. Let you have it back by then at the latest. Make a + point of it.' + </p> + <p> + 'How would a quid do?' + </p> + <p> + 'Ripping,' said Danvers ecstatically. + </p> + <p> + 'Same here,' assented Monk. + </p> + <p> + 'Then that's all right,' said Farnie briskly; 'I thought perhaps you + mightn't have had enough. You've got a quid, I know, Monk, because I saw + you haul one out at breakfast. And Danvers has got one too, because he + offered to toss you for it in the study afterwards. And besides, I + couldn't lend you anything in any case, because I've only got about + fourteen quid myself.' + </p> + <p> + With which parting shot he retired, wrapped in gentle thought, into his + form-room; and from the noise which ensued immediately upon his arrival, + the shrewd listener would have deduced, quite correctly, that he had + organized and taken the leading part in a general rag. + </p> + <p> + Monk and Danvers proceeded upon their way. + </p> + <p> + 'You got rather left there, old chap,' said Monk at length. + </p> + <p> + 'I like that,' replied the outraged Danvers. 'How about you, then? It + seemed to me you got rather left, too.' + </p> + <p> + Monk compromised. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, anyhow,' he said, 'we shan't get much out of that kid.' + </p> + <p> + 'Little beast,' said Danvers complainingly. And they went on into their + form-room in silence. + </p> + <p> + 'I saw your young—er—relative in earnest conversation with + friend Monk this morning,' said Marriott, later on in the day, to Gethryn; + 'I thought you were going to give him the tip in that direction?' + </p> + <p> + 'So I did,' said the Bishop wearily; 'but I can't always be looking after + the little brute. He only does it out of sheer cussedness, because I've + told him not to. It stands to reason that he can't <i>like</i> Monk.' + </p> + <p> + 'You remind me of the psalmist and the wicked man, surname unknown,' said + Marriott. 'You <i>can't</i> see the good side of Monk.' + </p> + <p> + 'There isn't one.' + </p> + <p> + 'No. He's only got two sides, a bad side and a worse side, which he sticks + on on the strength of being fairly good at games. I wonder if he's going + to get his First this season. He's not a bad bat.' + </p> + <p> + 'I don't think he will. He is a good bat, but there are heaps better in + the place. I say, I think I shall give young Farnie the tip once more, and + let him take it or leave it. What do you think?' + </p> + <p> + 'He'll leave it,' said Marriott, with conviction. + </p> + <p> + Nor was he mistaken. Farnie listened with enthusiasm to his nephew's + second excursus on the Monk topic, and, though he said nothing, was + apparently convinced. On the following afternoon Monk, Danvers, Waterford, + and he hired a boat and went up the river together. Gethryn and Marriott, + steered by Wilson, who was rapidly developing into a useful coxswain, got + an excellent view of them moored under the shade of a willow, drinking + ginger-beer, and apparently on the best of terms with one another and the + world in general. In a brief but moving speech the Bishop finally + excommunicated his erring relative. 'For all I care,' he concluded, 'he + can do what he likes in future. I shan't stop him.' + </p> + <p> + 'No,' said Marriott, 'I don't think you will.' + </p> + <p> + For the first month of his school life Farnie behaved, except in his + choice of companions, much like an ordinary junior. He played cricket + moderately well, did his share of compulsory fielding at the First Eleven + net, and went for frequent river excursions with Monk, Danvers, and the + rest of the Mob. + </p> + <p> + At first the other juniors of the House were inclined to resent this + extending of the right hand of fellowship to owners of studies and Second + Eleven men, and attempted to make Farnie see the sin and folly of his + ways. But Nature had endowed that youth with a fund of vitriolic repartee. + When Millett, one of Leicester's juniors, evolved some laborious sarcasm + on the subject of Farnie's swell friends, Farnie, in a series of three + remarks, reduced him, figuratively speaking, to a small and palpitating + spot of grease. After that his actions came in for no further, or at any + rate no outspoken comment. + </p> + <p> + Given sixpence a week and no more, Farnie might have survived an entire + term without breaking any serious School rule. But when, after buying a + bicycle from Smith of Markham's, he found himself with eight pounds to his + name in solid cash, and the means of getting far enough away from the + neighbourhood of the School to be able to spend it much as he liked, he + began to do strange and risky things in his spare time. + </p> + <p> + The great obstacle to illicit enjoyment at Beckford was the four o'clock + roll-call on half-holidays. There were other obstacles, such as + half-holiday games and so forth, but these could be avoided by the + exercise of a little judgement. The penalty for non-appearance at a + half-holiday game was a fine of sixpence. Constant absence was likely in + time to lead to a more or less thrilling interview with the captain of + cricket, but a very occasional attendance was enough to stave off this + disaster; and as for the sixpence, to a man of means like Farnie it was a + mere nothing. It was a bad system, and it was a wonder, under the + circumstances, how Beckford produced the elevens it did. But it was the + system, and Farnie availed himself of it to the full. + </p> + <p> + The obstacle of roll-call he managed also to surmount. Some reckless and + penniless friend was generally willing, for a consideration, to answer his + name for him. And so most Saturday afternoons would find Farnie leaving + behind him the flannelled fools at their various wickets, and speeding out + into the country on his bicycle in the direction of the village of + Biddlehampton, where mine host of the 'Cow and Cornflower', in addition to + other refreshment for man and beast, advertised that ping-pong and + billiards might be played on the premises. It was not the former of these + games that attracted Farnie. He was no pinger. Nor was he a pongster. But + for billiards he had a decided taste, a genuine taste, not the pumped-up + affectation sometimes displayed by boys of his age. Considering his age he + was a remarkable player. Later on in life it appeared likely that he would + have the choice of three professions open to him, namely, professional + billiard player, billiard marker, and billiard sharp. At each of the three + he showed distinct promise. He was not 'lured to the green cloth' by Monk + or Danvers. Indeed, if there had been any luring to be done, it is + probable that he would have done it, and not they. Neither Monk nor + Danvers was in his confidence in the matter. Billiards is not a cheap + amusement. By the end of his sixth week Farnie was reduced to a single + pound, a sum which, for one of his tastes, was practically poverty. And + just at the moment when he was least able to bear up against it, Fate + dealt him one of its nastiest blows. He was playing a fifty up against a + friendly but unskilful farmer at the 'Cow and Cornflower'. 'Better look + out,' he said, as his opponent effected a somewhat rustic stroke, 'you'll + be cutting the cloth in a second.' The farmer grunted, missed by inches, + and retired, leaving the red ball in the jaws of the pocket, and Farnie + with three to make to win. + </p> + <p> + It was an absurdly easy stroke, and the Bishop's uncle took it with an + absurd amount of conceit and carelessness. Hardly troubling to aim, he + struck his ball. The cue slid off in one direction, the ball rolled + sluggishly in another. And when the cue had finished its run, the smooth + green surface of the table was marred by a jagged and unsightly cut. There + was another young man gone wrong! + </p> + <p> + To say that the farmer laughed would be to express the matter feebly. That + his young opponent, who had been irritating him unspeakably since the + beginning of the game with advice and criticism, should have done exactly + what he had cautioned him, the farmer, against a moment before, struck him + as being the finest example of poetic justice he had ever heard of, and he + signalized his appreciation of the same by nearly dying of apoplexy. + </p> + <p> + The marker expressed an opinion that Farnie had been and gone and done it. + </p> + <p> + ''Ere,' he said, inserting a finger in the cut to display its dimensions. + 'Look 'ere. This'll mean a noo cloth, young feller me lad. That's wot + this'll mean. That'll be three pound we will trouble you for, if <i>you</i> + please.' + </p> + <p> + Farnie produced his sole remaining sovereign. + </p> + <p> + 'All I've got,' he said. 'I'll leave my name and address.' + </p> + <p> + 'Don't you trouble, young feller me lad,' said the marker, who appeared to + be a very aggressive and unpleasant sort of character altogether, with + meaning, 'I know yer name and I knows yer address. Today fortnight at the + very latest, if <i>you</i> please. You don't want me to 'ave to go to your + master about it, now, do yer? What say? No. Ve' well then. Today fortnight + is the time, and you remember it.' + </p> + <p> + What was left of Farnie then rode slowly back to Beckford. Why he went to + Monk on his return probably he could not have explained himself. But he + did go, and, having told his story in full, wound up by asking for a loan + of two pounds. Monk's first impulse was to refer him back to a previous + interview, when matters had been the other way about, that small affair of + the pound on the second morning of the term. Then there flashed across his + mind certain reasons against this move. At present Farnie's attitude + towards him was unpleasantly independent. He made him understand that he + went about with him from choice, and that there was to be nothing of the + patron and dependant about their alliance. If he were to lend him the two + pounds now, things would alter. And to have got a complete hold over + Master Reginald Farnie, Monk would have paid more than two pounds. Farnie + had the intelligence to carry through anything, however risky, and there + were many things which Monk would have liked to do, but, owing to the + risks involved, shirked doing for himself. Besides, he happened to be in + funds just now. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, look here, old chap,' he said, 'let's have strict business between + friends. If you'll pay me back four quid at the end of term, you shall + have the two pounds. How does that strike you?' + </p> + <p> + It struck Farnie, as it would have struck most people, that if this was + Monk's idea of strict business, there were the makings of no ordinary + financier in him. But to get his two pounds he would have agreed to + anything. And the end of term seemed a long way off. + </p> + <p> + The awkward part of the billiard-playing episode was that the punishment + for it, if detected, was not expulsion, but flogging. And Farnie resembled + the lady in <i>The Ingoldsby Legends</i> who 'didn't mind death, but who + couldn't stand pinching'. He didn't mind expulsion—he was used to + it, but he could <i>not</i> stand flogging. + </p> + <p> + 'That'll be all right,' he said. And the money changed hands. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 6 — —AND STAYS THERE + </h2> + <p> + 'I say,' said Baker of Jephson's excitedly some days later, reeling into + the study which he shared with Norris, '<i>have</i> you seen the team the + M.C.C.'s bringing down?' + </p> + <p> + At nearly every school there is a type of youth who asks this question on + the morning of the M.C.C. match. Norris was engaged in putting the + finishing touches to a snow-white pair of cricket boots. + </p> + <p> + 'No. Hullo, where did you raise that Sporter? Let's have a look.' + </p> + <p> + But Baker proposed to conduct this business in person. It is ten times + more pleasant to administer a series of shocks to a friend than to sit by + and watch him administering them to himself. He retained <i>The Sportsman</i>, + and began to read out the team. + </p> + <p> + 'Thought Middlesex had a match,' said Norris, as Baker paused dramatically + to let the name of a world-famed professional sink in. + </p> + <p> + 'No. They don't play Surrey till Monday.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, if they've got an important match like Surrey on on Monday,' said + Norris disgustedly, 'what on earth do they let their best man come down + here today for, and fag himself out?' + </p> + <p> + Baker suggested gently that if anybody was going to be fagged out at the + end of the day, it would in all probability be the Beckford bowlers, and + not a man who, as he was careful to point out, had run up a century a mere + three days ago against Yorkshire, and who was apparently at that moment at + the very top of his form. + </p> + <p> + 'Well,' said Norris, 'he might crock himself or anything. Rank bad policy, + I call it. Anybody else?' + </p> + <p> + Baker resumed his reading. A string of unknowns ended in another + celebrity. + </p> + <p> + 'Blackwell?' said Norris. 'Not O. T. Blackwell?' + </p> + <p> + 'It says A. T. But,' went on Baker, brightening up again, 'they always get + the initials wrong in the papers. Certain to be O. T. By the way, I + suppose you saw that he made eighty-three against Notts the other day?' + </p> + <p> + Norris tried to comfort himself by observing that Notts couldn't bowl for + toffee. + </p> + <p> + 'Last week, too,' said Baker, 'he made a hundred and forty-six not out + against Malvern for the Gentlemen of Warwickshire. They couldn't get him + out,' he concluded with unction. In spite of the fact that he himself was + playing in the match today, and might under the circumstances reasonably + look forward to a considerable dose of leather-hunting, the task of + announcing the bad news to Norris appeared to have a most elevating effect + on his spirits: + </p> + <p> + 'That's nothing extra special,' said Norris, in answer to the last item of + information, 'the Malvern wicket's like a billiard-table.' + </p> + <p> + 'Our wickets aren't bad either at this time of year,' said Baker, 'and I + heard rumours that they had got a record one ready for this match.' + </p> + <p> + 'It seems to me,' said Norris, 'that what I'd better do if we want to bat + at all today is to win the toss. Though Sammy and the Bishop and Baynes + ought to be able to get any ordinary side out all right.' + </p> + <p> + 'Only this isn't an ordinary side. It's a sort of improved county team.' + </p> + <p> + 'They've got about four men who might come off, but the M.C.C. sometimes + have a bit of a tail. We ought to have a look in if we win the toss.' + </p> + <p> + 'Hope so,' said Baker. 'I doubt it, though.' + </p> + <p> + At a quarter to eleven the School always went out in a body to inspect the + pitch. After the wicket had been described by experts in hushed whispers + as looking pretty good, the bell rang, and all who were not playing for + the team, with the exception of the lucky individual who had obtained for + himself the post of scorer, strolled back towards the blocks. Monk had + come out with Waterford, but seeing Farnie ahead and walking alone he + quitted Waterford, and attached himself to the genial Reginald. He wanted + to talk business. He had not found the speculation of the two pounds a + very profitable one. He had advanced the money under the impression that + Farnie, by accepting it, was practically selling his independence. And + there were certain matters in which Monk was largely interested, connected + with the breaking of bounds and the purchase of contraband goods, which he + would have been exceedingly glad to have performed by deputy. He had + fancied that Farnie would have taken over these jobs as part of his debt. + But he had mistaken his man. On the very first occasion when he had + attempted to put on the screw, Farnie had flatly refused to have anything + to do with what he proposed. He said that he was not Monk's fag—a + remark which had the merit of being absolutely true. + </p> + <p> + All this, combined with a slight sinking of his own funds, induced Monk to + take steps towards recovering the loan. + </p> + <p> + 'I say, Farnie, old chap.' + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo!' + </p> + <p> + 'I say, do you remember my lending you two quid some time ago?' + </p> + <p> + 'You don't give me much chance of forgetting it,' said Farnie. + </p> + <p> + Monk smiled. He could afford to be generous towards such witticisms. + </p> + <p> + 'I want it back,' he said. + </p> + <p> + 'All right. You'll get it at the end of term.' + </p> + <p> + 'I want it now.' + </p> + <p> + 'Why?' + </p> + <p> + 'Awfully hard up, old chap.' + </p> + <p> + 'You aren't,' said Farnie. 'You've got three pounds twelve and sixpence + half-penny. If you will keep counting your money in public, you can't + blame a chap for knowing how much you've got.' + </p> + <p> + Monk, slightly disconcerted, changed his plan of action. He abandoned + skirmishing tactics. + </p> + <p> + 'Never mind that,' he said, 'the point is that I want that four pounds. + I'm going to have it, too.' + </p> + <p> + 'I know. At the end of term.' + </p> + <p> + 'I'm going to have it now.' + </p> + <p> + 'You can have a pound of it now.' + </p> + <p> + 'Not enough.' + </p> + <p> + 'I don't see how you expect me to raise any more. If I could, do you think + I should have borrowed it? You might chuck rotting for a change.' + </p> + <p> + 'Now, look here, old chap,' said Monk, 'I should think you'd rather raise + that tin somehow than have it get about that you'd been playing pills at + some pub out of bounds. What?' + </p> + <p> + Farnie, for one of the few occasions on record, was shaken out of his + usual <i>sang-froid</i>. Even in his easy code of morality there had + always been one crime which was an anathema, the sort of thing no fellow + could think of doing. But it was obviously at this that Monk was hinting. + </p> + <p> + 'Good Lord, man,' he cried, 'you don't mean to say you're thinking of + sneaking? Why, the fellows would boot you round the field. You couldn't + stay in the place a week.' + </p> + <p> + 'There are heaps of ways,' said Monk, 'in which a thing can get about + without anyone actually telling the beaks. At present I've not told a + soul. But, you know, if I let it out to anyone they might tell someone + else, and so on. And if everybody knows a thing, the beaks generally get + hold of it sooner or later. You'd much better let me have that four quid, + old chap.' + </p> + <p> + Farnie capitulated. + </p> + <p> + 'All right,' he said, 'I'll get it somehow.' + </p> + <p> + 'Thanks awfully, old chap,' said Monk, 'so long!' + </p> + <p> + In all Beckford there was only one person who was in the least degree + likely to combine the two qualities necessary for the extraction of Farnie + from his difficulties. These qualities were—in the first place + ability, in the second place willingness to advance him, free of security, + the four pounds he required. The person whom he had in his mind was + Gethryn. He had reasoned the matter out step by step during the second + half of morning school. Gethryn, though he had, as Farnie knew, no + overwhelming amount of affection for his uncle, might in a case of great + need prove blood to be thicker (as per advertisement) than water. But, he + reflected, he must represent himself as in danger of expulsion rather than + flogging. He had an uneasy idea that if the Bishop were to discover that + all he stood to get was a flogging, he would remark with enthusiasm that, + as far as he was concerned, the good work might go on. Expulsion was + different. To save a member of his family from expulsion, he might think + it worth while to pass round the hat amongst his wealthy acquaintances. If + four plutocrats with four sovereigns were to combine, Farnie, by their + united efforts, would be saved. And he rather liked the notion of being + turned into a sort of limited liability company, like the Duke of Plaza + Toro, at a pound a share. It seemed to add a certain dignity to his + position. + </p> + <p> + To Gethryn's study, therefore, he went directly school was over. If he had + reflected, he might have known that he would not have been there while the + match was going on. But his brain, fatigued with his recent calculations, + had not noted this point. + </p> + <p> + The study was empty. + </p> + <p> + Most people, on finding themselves in a strange and empty room, are seized + with a desire to explore the same, and observe from internal evidence what + manner of man is the owner. Nowhere does character come out so clearly as + in the decoration of one's private den. Many a man, at present respected + by his associates, would stand forth unmasked at his true worth, could the + world but look into his room. For there they would see that he was so lost + to every sense of shame as to cover his books with brown paper, or deck + his walls with oleographs presented with the Christmas numbers, both of + which habits argue a frame of mind fit for murderers, stratagems, and + spoils. Let no such man be trusted. + </p> + <p> + The Bishop's study, which Farnie now proceeded to inspect, was not of this + kind. It was a neat study, arranged with not a little taste. There were + photographs of teams with the College arms on their plain oak frames, and + photographs of relations in frames which tried to look, and for the most + part succeeded in looking, as if they had not cost fourpence three + farthings at a Christmas bargain sale. There were snap-shots of various + moving incidents in the careers of the Bishop and his friends: Marriott, + for example, as he appeared when carried to the Pavilion after that + sensational century against the Authentics: Robertson of Blaker's winning + the quarter mile: John Brown, Norris's predecessor in the captaincy, and + one of the four best batsmen Beckford had ever had, batting at the nets: + Norris taking a skier on the boundary in last year's M.C.C. match: the + Bishop himself going out to bat in the Charchester match, and many more of + the same sort. + </p> + <p> + All these Farnie observed with considerable interest, but as he moved + towards the book-shelf his eye was caught by an object more interesting + still. It was a cash-box, simple and unornamental, but undoubtedly a + cash-box, and as he took it up it rattled. + </p> + <p> + The key was in the lock. In a boarding House at a public school it is not, + as a general rule, absolutely necessary to keep one's valuables always + hermetically sealed. The difference between <i>meum</i> and <i>tuum</i> is + so very rarely confused by the occupants of such an establishment, that + one is apt to grow careless, and every now and then accidents happen. An + accident was about to happen now. + </p> + <p> + It was at first without any motive except curiosity that Farnie opened the + cash-box. He merely wished to see how much there was inside, with a view + to ascertaining what his prospects of negotiating a loan with his relative + were likely to be. When, however, he did see, other feelings began to take + the place of curiosity. He counted the money. There were ten sovereigns, + one half-sovereign, and a good deal of silver. One of the institutions at + Beckford was a mission. The School by (more or less) voluntary + contributions supported a species of home somewhere in the wilds of + Kennington. No one knew exactly what or where this home was, but all paid + their subscriptions as soon as possible in the term, and tried to forget + about it. Gethryn collected not only for Leicester's House, but also for + the Sixth Form, and was consequently, if only by proxy, a man of large + means. <i>Too</i> large, Farnie thought. Surely four pounds, to be paid + back (probably) almost at once, would not be missed. Why shouldn't he— + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo!' + </p> + <p> + Farnie spun round. Wilson was standing in the doorway. + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo, Farnie,' said he, 'what are you playing at in here?' + </p> + <p> + 'What are you?' retorted Farnie politely. + </p> + <p> + 'Come to fetch a book. Marriott said I might. What are you up to?' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, shut up!' said Farnie. 'Why shouldn't I come here if I like? Matter + of fact, I came to see Gethryn.' + </p> + <p> + 'He isn't here,' said Wilson luminously. + </p> + <p> + 'You don't mean to say you've noticed that already? You've got an eye like + a hawk, Wilson. I was just taking a look round, if you really want to + know.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, I shouldn't advise you to let Marriott catch you mucking his study + up. Seen a book called <i>Round the Red Lamp</i>? Oh, here it is. Coming + over to the field?' + </p> + <p> + 'Not just yet. I want to have another look round. Don't you wait, though.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, all right.' And Wilson retired with his book. + </p> + <p> + Now, though Wilson at present suspected nothing, not knowing of the + existence of the cash-box, Farnie felt that when the money came to be + missed, and inquiries were made as to who had been in the study, and when, + he would recall the interview. Two courses, therefore, remained open to + him. He could leave the money altogether, or he could take it and leave + himself. In other words, run away. + </p> + <p> + In the first case there would, of course, remain the chance that he might + induce Gethryn to lend him the four pounds, but this had never been more + than a forlorn hope; and in the light of the possibilities opened out by + the cash-box, he thought no more of it. The real problem was, should he or + should he not take the money from the cash-box? + </p> + <p> + As he hesitated, the recollection of Monk's veiled threats came back to + him, and he wavered no longer. He opened the box again, took out the + contents, and dropped them into his pocket. While he was about it, he + thought he might as well take all as only a part. + </p> + <p> + Then he wrote two notes. One—to the Bishop—he placed on top of + the cash-box; the other he placed with four sovereigns on the table in + Monk's study. Finally he left the room, shut the door carefully behind + him, and went to the yard at the back of the House, where he kept his + bicycle. + </p> + <p> + The workings of the human mind, and especially of the young human mind, + are peculiar. It never occurred to Farnie that a result equally profitable + to himself, and decidedly more convenient for all concerned—with the + possible exception of Monk—might have been arrived at if he had + simply left the money in the box, and run away without it. + </p> + <p> + However, as the poet says, you can't think of everything. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 7 — THE BISHOP GOES FOR A RIDE + </h2> + <p> + The M.C.C. match opened auspiciously. Norris, for the first time that + season, won the toss. Tom Brown, we read, in a similar position, 'with the + usual liberality of young hands', put his opponents in first. Norris was + not so liberal. He may have been young, but he was not so young as that. + The sun was shining on as true a wicket as was ever prepared when he cried + 'Heads', and the coin, after rolling for some time in diminishing circles, + came to a standstill with the dragon undermost. And Norris returned to the + Pavilion and informed his gratified team that, all things considered, he + rather thought that they would bat, and he would be obliged if Baker would + get on his pads and come in first with him. + </p> + <p> + The M.C.C. men took the field—O. T. Blackwell, by the way, had + shrunk into a mere brother of the century-making A. T.—and the two + School House representatives followed them. An amateur of lengthy frame + took the ball, a man of pace, to judge from the number of slips. Norris + asked for 'two leg'. An obliging umpire informed him that he had got two + leg. The long bowler requested short slip to stand finer, swung his arm as + if to see that the machinery still worked, and dashed wildly towards the + crease. The match had begun. + </p> + <p> + There are few pleasanter or more thrilling moments in one's school career + than the first over of a big match. Pleasant, that is to say, if you are + actually looking on. To have to listen to a match being started from the + interior of a form-room is, of course, maddening. You hear the sound of + bat meeting ball, followed by distant clapping. Somebody has scored. But + who and what? It may be a four, or it may be a mere single. More important + still, it may be the other side batting after all. Some miscreant has + possibly lifted your best bowler into the road. The suspense is awful. It + ought to be a School rule that the captain of the team should send a + message round the form-rooms stating briefly and lucidly the result of the + toss. Then one would know where one was. As it is, the entire form is + dependent on the man sitting under the window. The form-master turns to + write on the blackboard. The only hope of the form shoots up like a + rocket, gazes earnestly in the direction of the Pavilion, and falls back + with a thud into his seat. 'They haven't started yet,' he informs the rest + in a stage whisper. 'Si-<i>lence</i>,' says the form-master, and the whole + business must be gone through again, with the added disadvantage that the + master now has his eye fixed coldly on the individual nearest the window, + your only link with the outer world. + </p> + <p> + Various masters have various methods under such circumstances. One more + than excellent man used to close his book and remark, 'I think we'll make + up a little party to watch this match.' And the form, gasping its thanks, + crowded to the windows. Another, the exact antithesis of this great and + good gentleman, on seeing a boy taking fitful glances through the window, + would observe acidly, 'You are at perfect liberty, Jones, to watch the + match if you care to, but if you do you will come in in the afternoon and + make up the time you waste.' And as all that could be seen from that + particular window was one of the umpires and a couple of fieldsmen, Jones + would reluctantly elect to reserve himself, and for the present to turn + his attention to Euripides again. + </p> + <p> + If you are one of the team, and watch the match from the Pavilion, you + escape these trials, but there are others. In the first few overs of a + School match, every ball looks to the spectators like taking a wicket. The + fiendish ingenuity of the slow bowler, and the lightning speed of the fast + man at the other end, make one feel positively ill. When the first ten has + gone up on the scoring-board matters begin to right themselves. Today ten + went up quickly. The fast man's first ball was outside the off-stump and a + half-volley, and Norris, whatever the state of his nerves at the time, + never forgot his forward drive. Before the bowler had recovered his + balance the ball was half-way to the ropes. The umpire waved a large hand + towards the Pavilion. The bowler looked annoyed. And the School inside the + form-rooms asked itself feverishly what had happened, and which side it + was that was applauding. + </p> + <p> + Having bowled his first ball too far up, the M.C.C. man, on the principle + of anything for a change, now put in a very short one. Norris, a new man + after that drive, steered it through the slips, and again the umpire waved + his hand. + </p> + <p> + The rest of the over was more quiet. The last ball went for four byes, and + then it was Baker's turn to face the slow man. Baker was a steady, + plodding bat. He played five balls gently to mid-on, and glanced the sixth + for a single to leg. With the fast bowler, who had not yet got his length, + he was more vigorous, and succeeded in cutting him twice for two. + </p> + <p> + With thirty up for no wickets the School began to feel more comfortable. + But at forty-three Baker was shattered by the man of pace, and retired + with twenty to his credit. Gethryn came in next, but it was not to be his + day out with the bat. + </p> + <p> + The fast bowler, who was now bowling excellently, sent down one rather + wide of the off-stump. The Bishop made most of his runs from off balls, + and he had a go at this one. It was rising when he hit it, and it went off + his bat like a flash. In a School match it would have been a boundary. But + today there was unusual talent in the slips. The man from Middlesex darted + forward and sideways. He took the ball one-handed two inches from the + ground, and received the applause which followed the effort with a rather + bored look, as if he were saying, 'My good sirs, <i>why</i> make a fuss + over these trifles!' The Bishop walked slowly back to the Pavilion, + feeling that his luck was out, and Pringle came in. + </p> + <p> + A boy of Pringle's character is exactly the right person to go in in an + emergency like the present one. Two wickets had fallen in two balls, and + the fast bowler was swelling visibly with determination to do the + hat-trick. But Pringle never went in oppressed by the fear of getting out. + He had a serene and boundless confidence in himself. + </p> + <p> + The fast man tried a yorker. Pringle came down hard on it, and forced the + ball past the bowler for a single. Then he and Norris settled down to a + lengthy stand. + </p> + <p> + 'I do like seeing Pringle bat,' said Gosling. 'He always gives you the + idea that he's doing you a personal favour by knocking your bowling about. + Oh, well hit!' + </p> + <p> + Pringle had cut a full-pitch from the slow bowler to the ropes. Marriott, + who had been silent and apparently in pain for some minutes, now gave out + the following homemade effort: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + A dashing young sportsman named Pringle, + On breaking his duck (with a single), + Observed with a smile, + 'Just notice my style, + How science with vigour I mingle.' +</pre> + <p> + 'Little thing of my own,' he added, quoting England's greatest librettist. + 'I call it "Heart Foam". I shall not publish it. Oh, run it out!' + </p> + <p> + Both Pringle and Norris were evidently in form. Norris was now not far + from his fifty, and Pringle looked as if he might make anything. The + century went up, and a run later Norris off-drove the slow bowler's + successor for three, reaching his fifty by the stroke. + </p> + <p> + 'Must be fairly warm work fielding today,' said Reece. + </p> + <p> + 'By Jove!' said Gethryn, 'I forgot. I left my white hat in the House. Any + of you chaps like to fetch it?' + </p> + <p> + There were no offers. Gethryn got up. + </p> + <p> + 'Marriott, you slacker, come over to the House.' + </p> + <p> + 'My good sir, I'm in next. Why don't you wait till the fellows come out of + school and send a kid for it?' + </p> + <p> + 'He probably wouldn't know where to find it. I don't know where it is + myself. No, I shall go, but there's no need to fag about it yet. Hullo! + Norris is out.' + </p> + <p> + Norris had stopped a straight one with his leg. He had made fifty-one in + his best manner, and the School, leaving the form-rooms at the exact + moment when the fatal ball was being bowled, were just in time to applaud + him and realize what they had missed. + </p> + <p> + Gethryn's desire for his hat was not so pressing as to make him deprive + himself of the pleasure of seeing Marriott at the wickets. Marriott ought + to do something special today. Unfortunately, after he had played out one + over and hit two fours off it, the luncheon interval began. + </p> + <p> + It was, therefore, not for half an hour that the Bishop went at last in + search of the missing headgear. As luck would have it, the hat was on the + table, so that whatever chance he might have had of overlooking the note + which his uncle had left for him on the empty cash-box disappeared. The + two things caught his eye simultaneously. He opened the note and read it. + It is not necessary to transcribe the note in detail. It was no + masterpiece of literary skill. But it had this merit, that it was not + vague. Reading it, one grasped its meaning immediately. + </p> + <p> + The Bishop's first feeling was that the bottom had dropped out of + everything suddenly. Surprise was not the word. It was the arrival of the + absolutely unexpected. + </p> + <p> + Then he began to consider the position. + </p> + <p> + Farnie must be brought back. That was plain. And he must be brought back + at once, before anyone could get to hear of what had happened. Gethryn had + the very strongest objections to his uncle, considered purely as a human + being; but the fact remained that he was his uncle, and the Bishop had + equally strong objections to any member of his family being mixed up in a + business of this description. + </p> + <p> + Having settled that point, he went on to the next. How was he to be + brought back? He could not have gone far, for he could not have been gone + much more than half an hour. Again, from his knowledge of his uncle's + character, he deduced that he had in all probability not gone to the + nearest station, Horton. At Horton one had to wait hours at a time for a + train. Farnie must have made his way—on his bicycle—straight + for the junction, Anfield, fifteen miles off by a good road. A train left + Anfield for London at three-thirty. It was now a little past two. On a + bicycle he could do it easily, and get back with his prize by about five, + if he rode hard. In that case all would be well. Only three of the School + wickets had fallen, and the pitch was playing as true as concrete. + Besides, there was Pringle still in at one end, well set, and surely + Marriott and Jennings and the rest of them would manage to stay in till + five. They couldn't help it. All they had to do was to play forward to + everything, and they must stop in. He himself had got out, it was true, + but that was simply a regrettable accident. Not one man in a hundred would + have caught that catch. No, with luck he ought easily to be able to do the + distance and get back in time to go out with the rest of the team to + field. + </p> + <p> + He ran downstairs and out of the House. On his way to the bicycle-shed he + stopped, and looked towards the field, part of which could be seen from + where he stood. The match had begun again. The fast bowler was just + commencing his run. He saw him tear up to the crease and deliver the ball. + What happened then he could not see, owing to the trees which stood + between him and the School grounds. But he heard the crack of ball meeting + bat, and a great howl of applause went up from the invisible audience. A + boundary, apparently. Yes, there was the umpire signalling it. Evidently a + long stand was going to be made. He would have oceans of time for his + ride. Norris wouldn't dream of declaring the innings closed before five + o'clock at the earliest, and no bowler could take seven wickets in the + time on such a pitch. He hauled his bicycle from the shed, and rode off at + racing speed in the direction of Anfield. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 8 — THE M.C.C. MATCH + </h2> + <p> + But out in the field things were going badly with Beckford. The aspect of + a game often changes considerably after lunch. For a while it looked as if + Marriott and Pringle were in for their respective centuries. But Marriott + was never a safe batsman. + </p> + <p> + A hundred and fifty went up on the board off a square leg hit for two, + which completed Pringle's half-century, and then Marriott faced the slow + bowler, who had been put on again after lunch. The first ball was a + miss-hit. It went behind point for a couple. The next he got fairly hold + of and drove to the boundary. The third was a very simple-looking ball. + Its sole merit appeared to be the fact that it was straight. Also it was a + trifle shorter than it looked. Marriott jumped out, and got too much under + it. Up it soared, straight over the bowler's head. A trifle more weight + behind the hit, and it would have cleared the ropes. As it was, the man in + the deep-field never looked like missing it. The batsmen had time to cross + over before the ball arrived, but they did it without enthusiasm. The run + was not likely to count. Nor did it. Deep-field caught it like a bird. + Marriott had made twenty-two. + </p> + <p> + And now occurred one of those rots which so often happen without any + ostensible cause in the best regulated school elevens. Pringle played the + three remaining balls of the over without mishap, but when it was the fast + man's turn to bowl to Bruce, Marriott's successor, things began to happen. + Bruce, temporarily insane, perhaps through nervousness, played back at a + half-volley, and was clean bowled. Hill came in, and was caught two balls + later at the wicket. And the last ball of the over sent Jennings's + off-stump out of the ground, after that batsman had scored two. + </p> + <p> + 'I can always bowl like blazes after lunch,' said the fast man to Pringle. + 'It's the lobster salad that does it, I think.' Four for a hundred and + fifty-seven had changed to seven for a hundred and fifty-nine in the + course of a single over. Gethryn's calculations, if he had only known, + could have done now with a little revision. + </p> + <p> + Gosling was the next man. He was followed, after a brief innings of three + balls, which realized eight runs, by Baynes. Baynes, though abstaining + from runs himself, helped Pringle to add three to the score, all in + singles, and was then yorked by the slow man, who meanly and treacherously + sent down, without the slightest warning, a very fast one on the leg + stump. Then Reece came in for the last wicket, and the rot stopped. Reece + always went in last for the School, and the School in consequence always + felt that there were possibilities to the very end of the innings. + </p> + <p> + The lot of a last-wicket man is somewhat trying. As at any moment his best + innings may be nipped in the bud by the other man getting out, he + generally feels that it is hardly worth while to play himself in before + endeavouring to make runs. He therefore tries to score off every ball, and + thinks himself lucky if he gets half a dozen. Reece, however, took life + more seriously. He had made quite an art of last-wicket batting. Once, + against the Butterflies, he had run up sixty not out, and there was always + the chance that he would do the same again. Today, with Pringle at the + other end, he looked forward to a pleasant hour or two at the wicket. + </p> + <p> + No bowler ever looks on the last man quite in the same light as he does + the other ten. He underrates him instinctively. The M.C.C. fast bowler was + a man with an idea. His idea was that he could bowl a slow ball of + diabolical ingenuity. As a rule, public feeling was against his trying the + experiment. His captains were in the habit of enquiring rudely if he + thought he was playing marbles. This was exactly what the M.C.C. captain + asked on the present occasion, when the head ball sailed ponderously + through the air, and was promptly hit by Reece into the Pavilion. The + bowler grinned, and resumed his ordinary pace. + </p> + <p> + But everything came alike to Reece. Pringle, too, continued his career of + triumph. Gradually the score rose from a hundred and seventy to two + hundred. Pringle cut and drove in all directions, with the air of a prince + of the blood royal distributing largesse. The second century went up to + the accompaniment of cheers. + </p> + <p> + Then the slow bowler reaped his reward, for Pringle, after putting his + first two balls over the screen, was caught on the boundary off the third. + He had contributed eighty-one to a total of two hundred and thirteen. + </p> + <p> + So far Gethryn's absence had not been noticed. But when the umpires had + gone out, and the School were getting ready to take the field, inquiries + were made. + </p> + <p> + 'You might begin at the top end, Gosling,' said Norris. + </p> + <p> + 'Right,' said Samuel. 'Who's going on at the other?' + </p> + <p> + 'Baynes. Hullo, where's Gethryn?' + </p> + <p> + 'Isn't he here? Perhaps he's in the Pavi—' + </p> + <p> + 'Any of you chaps seen Gethryn?' + </p> + <p> + 'He isn't in the Pav.,' said Baker. 'I've just come out of the First room + myself, and he wasn't there. Shouldn't wonder if he's over at + Leicester's.' + </p> + <p> + 'Dash the man,' said Norris, 'he might have known we'd be going out to + field soon. Anyhow, we can't wait for him. We shall have to field a sub. + till he turns up.' + </p> + <p> + 'Lorimer's in the Pav., changed,' said Pringle. + </p> + <p> + 'All right. He'll do.' + </p> + <p> + And, reinforced by the gratified Lorimer, the team went on its way. + </p> + <p> + In the beginning the fortunes of the School prospered. Gosling opened, as + was his custom, at a tremendous pace, and seemed to trouble the first few + batsmen considerably. A worried-looking little person who had fielded with + immense zeal during the School innings at cover-point took the first ball. + It was very fast, and hit him just under the knee-cap. The pain, in spite + of the pad, appeared to be acute. The little man danced vigorously for + some time, and then, with much diffidence, prepared himself for the second + instalment. + </p> + <p> + Now, when on the cricket field, the truculent Samuel was totally deficient + in all the finer feelings, such as pity and charity. He could see that the + batsman was in pain, and yet his second ball was faster than the first. It + came in quickly from the off. The little batsman went forward in a + hesitating, half-hearted manner, and played a clear two inches inside the + ball. The off-stump shot out of the ground. + </p> + <p> + 'Bowled, Sammy,' said Norris from his place in the slips. + </p> + <p> + The next man was a clergyman, a large man who suggested possibilities in + the way of hitting. But Gosling was irresistible. For three balls the + priest survived. But the last of the over, a fast yorker on the leg stump, + was too much for him, and he retired. + </p> + <p> + Two for none. The critic in the deck chair felt that the match was as good + as over. + </p> + <p> + But this idyllic state of things was not to last. The newcomer, a tall man + with a light moustache, which he felt carefully after every ball, soon + settled down. He proved to be a conversationalist. Until he had opened his + account, which he did with a strong drive to the ropes, he was silent. + When, however, he had seen the ball safely to the boundary, he turned to + Reece and began. + </p> + <p> + 'Rather a nice one, that. Eh, what? Yes. Got it just on the right place, + you know. Not a bad bat this, is it? What? Yes. One of Slogbury and + Whangham's Sussex Spankers, don't you know. Chose it myself. Had it in + pickle all the winter. Yes.' + </p> + <p> + 'Play, sir,' from the umpire. + </p> + <p> + 'Eh, what? Oh, right. Yes, good make these Sussex—<i>Spankers</i>. + Oh, well fielded.' + </p> + <p> + At the word spankers he had effected another drive, but Marriott at + mid-off had stopped it prettily. + </p> + <p> + Soon it began to occur to Norris that it would be advisable to have a + change of bowling. Gosling was getting tired, and Baynes apparently + offered no difficulties to the batsman on the perfect wicket, the + conversational man in particular being very severe upon him. It was at + such a crisis that the Bishop should have come in. He was Gosling's + understudy. But where was he? The innings had been in progress over half + an hour now, and still there were no signs of him. A man, thought Norris, + who could cut off during the M.C.C. match (of all matches!), probably on + some rotten business of his own, was beyond the pale, and must, on + reappearance, be fallen upon and rent. He—here something small and + red whizzed at his face. He put up his hands to protect himself. The ball + struck them and bounded out again. When a fast bowler is bowling a slip he + should not indulge in absent-mindedness. The conversational man had + received his first life, and, as he was careful to explain to Reece, it + was a curious thing, but whenever he was let off early in his innings he + always made fifty, and as a rule a century. Gosling's analysis was spoilt, + and the match in all probability lost. And Norris put it all down to + Gethryn. If he had been there, this would not have happened. + </p> + <p> + 'Sorry, Gosling,' he said. + </p> + <p> + 'All right,' said Gosling, though thinking quite the reverse. And he + walked back to bowl his next ball, conjuring up a beautiful vision in his + mind. J. Douglas and Braund were fielding slip to him in the vision, while + in the background Norris appeared, in a cauldron of boiling oil. + </p> + <p> + 'Tut, tut,' said Baker facetiously to the raging captain. + </p> + <p> + Baker's was essentially a flippant mind. Not even a moment of solemn + agony, such as this, was sacred to him. + </p> + <p> + Norris was icy and severe. + </p> + <p> + 'If you want to rot about, Baker,' he said, 'perhaps you'd better go and + play stump-cricket with the juniors.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well,' retorted Baker, with great politeness, 'I suppose seeing you miss + a gaper like that right into your hands made me think I was playing + stump-cricket with the juniors.' + </p> + <p> + At this point the conversation ceased, Baker suddenly remembering that he + had not yet received his First Eleven colours, and that it would therefore + be rash to goad the captain too freely, while Norris, for his part, + recalled the fact that Baker had promised to do some Latin verse for him + that evening, and might, if crushed with some scathing repartee, refuse to + go through with that contract. So there was silence in the slips. + </p> + <p> + The partnership was broken at last by a lucky accident. The + conversationalist called his partner for a short run, and when that + unfortunate gentleman had sprinted some twenty yards, reconsidered the + matter and sent him back. Reece had the bails off before the victim had + completed a third of the return journey. + </p> + <p> + For some time after this matters began to favour the School again. With + the score at a hundred and five, three men left in two overs, one bowled + by Gosling, the others caught at point and in the deep off Jennings, who + had deposed Baynes. Six wickets were now down, and the enemy still over a + hundred behind. + </p> + <p> + But the M.C.C. in its school matches has this peculiarity. However badly + it may seem to stand, there is always something up its sleeve. In this + case it was a professional, a man indecently devoid of anything in the + shape of nerves. He played the bowling with a stolid confidence, amounting + almost to contempt, which struck a chill to the hearts of the School + bowlers. It did worse. It induced them to bowl with the sole object of + getting the conversationalist at the batting end, thus enabling the + professional to pile up an unassuming but rapidly increasing score by + means of threes and singles. + </p> + <p> + As for the conversationalist, he had made thirty or more, and wanted all + the bowling he could get. + </p> + <p> + 'It's a very curious thing,' he said to Reece, as he faced Gosling, after + his partner had scored a three off the first ball of the over, 'but some + fellows simply detest fast bowling. Now I—' He never finished the + sentence. When he spoke again it was to begin a new one. + </p> + <p> + 'How on earth did that happen?' he asked. + </p> + <p> + 'I think it bowled you,' said Reece stolidly, picking up the two stumps + which had been uprooted by Gosling's express. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. But how? Dash it! What? I can't underst—. Most curious thing I + ever—dash it all, you know.' + </p> + <p> + He drifted off in the direction of the Pavilion, stopping on the way to + ask short leg his opinion of the matter. + </p> + <p> + 'Bowled, Sammy,' said Reece, putting on the bails. + </p> + <p> + 'Well bowled, Gosling,' growled Norris from the slips. + </p> + <p> + 'Sammy the marvel, by Jove,' said Marriott. 'Switch it on, Samuel, more + and more.' + </p> + <p> + 'I wish Norris would give me a rest. Where on earth is that man Gethryn?' + </p> + <p> + 'Rum, isn't it? There's going to be something of a row about it. Norris + seems to be getting rather shirty. Hullo! here comes the Deathless + Author.' + </p> + <p> + The author referred to was the new batsman, a distinguished novelist, who + played a good deal for the M.C.C. He broke his journey to the wicket to + speak to the conversationalist, who was still engaged with short leg. + </p> + <p> + 'Bates, old man,' he said, 'if you're going to the Pavilion you might wait + for me. I shall be out in an hour or two.' + </p> + <p> + Upon which Bates, awaking suddenly to the position of affairs, went on his + way. + </p> + <p> + With the arrival of the Deathless Author an unwelcome change came over the + game. His cricket style resembled his literary style. Both were + straightforward and vigorous. The first two balls he received from Gosling + he drove hard past cover point to the ropes. Gosling, who had been bowling + unchanged since the innings began, was naturally feeling a little tired. + He was losing his length, and bowling more slowly than was his wont. + Norris now gave him a rest for a few overs, Bruce going on with rather + innocuous medium left-hand bowling. The professional continued to jog + along slowly. The novelist hit. Everything seemed to come alike to him. + Gosling resumed, but without effect, while at the other end bowler after + bowler was tried. From a hundred and ten the score rose and rose, and + still the two remained together. A hundred and ninety went up, and Norris + in despair threw the ball to Marriott. + </p> + <p> + 'Here you are, Marriott,' he said, 'I'm afraid we shall have to try you.' + </p> + <p> + 'That's what I call really nicely expressed,' said Marriott to the umpire. + 'Yes, over the wicket.' + </p> + <p> + Marriott was a slow, 'House-match' sort of bowler. That is to say, in a + House match he was quite likely to get wickets, but in a First Eleven + match such an event was highly improbable. His bowling looked very subtle, + and if the ball was allowed to touch the ground it occasionally broke + quite a remarkable distance. + </p> + <p> + The forlorn hope succeeded. The professional for the first time in his + innings took a risk. He slashed at a very mild ball almost a wide on the + off side. The ball touched the corner of the bat, and soared up in the + direction of cover-point, where Pringle held it comfortably. + </p> + <p> + 'There you are,' said Marriott, 'when you put a really scientific bowler + on you're bound to get a wicket. Why on earth didn't I go on before, + Norris?' + </p> + <p> + 'You wait,' said Norris, 'there are five more balls of the over to come.' + </p> + <p> + 'Bad job for the batsman,' said Marriott. + </p> + <p> + There had been time for a run before the ball reached Pringle, so that the + novelist was now at the batting end. Marriott's next ball was not unlike + his first, but it was straighter, and consequently easier to get at. The + novelist hit it into the road. When it had been brought back he hit it + into the road again. Marriott suggested that he had better have a man + there. + </p> + <p> + The fourth ball of the over was too wide to hit with any comfort, and the + batsman let it alone. The fifth went for four to square leg, almost + killing the umpire on its way, and the sixth soared in the old familiar + manner into the road again. Marriott's over had yielded exactly twenty-two + runs. Four to win and two wickets to fall. + </p> + <p> + 'I'll never read another of that man's books as long as I live,' said + Marriott to Gosling, giving him the ball. 'You're our only hope, Sammy. Do + go in and win.' + </p> + <p> + The new batsman had the bowling. He snicked his first ball for a single, + bringing the novelist to the fore again, and Samuel Wilberforce Gosling + vowed a vow that he would dismiss that distinguished novelist. + </p> + <p> + But the best intentions go for nothing when one's arm is feeling like + lead. Of all the miserable balls sent down that afternoon that one of + Gosling's was the worst. It was worse than anything of Marriott's. It flew + sluggishly down the pitch well outside the leg stump. The novelist watched + it come, and his eye gleamed. It was about to bounce for the second time + when, with a pleased smile, the batsman stepped out. There was a loud, + musical report, the note of a bat when it strikes the ball fairly on the + driving spot. + </p> + <p> + The man of letters shaded his eyes with his hand, and watched the ball + diminish in the distance. + </p> + <p> + 'I rather think,' said he cheerfully, as a crash of glass told of its + arrival at the Pavilion, 'that that does it.' + </p> + <p> + He was perfectly right. It did. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 9 — THE BISHOP FINISHES HIS RIDE + </h2> + <p> + Gethryn had started on his ride handicapped by two things. He did not know + his way after the first two miles, and the hedges at the roadside had just + been clipped, leaving the roads covered with small thorns. + </p> + <p> + It was the former of these circumstances that first made itself apparent. + For two miles the road ran straight, but after that it was unexplored + country. The Bishop, being in both cricket and football teams, had few + opportunities for cycling. He always brought his machine to School, but he + very seldom used it. + </p> + <p> + At the beginning of the unexplored country, an irresponsible person + recommended him to go straight on. He couldn't miss the road, said he. It + was straight all the way. Gethryn thanked him, rode on, and having gone a + mile came upon three roads, each of which might quite well have been + considered a continuation of the road on which he was already. One curved + gently off to the right, the other two equally gently to the left. He + dismounted and the feelings of gratitude which he had borne towards his + informant for his lucid directions vanished suddenly. He gazed searchingly + at the three roads, but to single out one of them as straighter than the + other two was a task that baffled him completely. A sign-post informed him + of three things. By following road one he might get to Brindleham, and + ultimately, if he persevered, to Corden. Road number two would lead him to + Old Inns, whatever they might be, with the further inducement of Little + Benbury, while if he cast in his lot with road three he might hope sooner + or later to arrive at Much Middlefold-on-the-Hill, and Lesser + Middlefold-in-the-Vale. But on the subject of Anfield and Anfield Junction + the board was silent. + </p> + <p> + Two courses lay open to him. Should he select a route at random, or wait + for somebody to come and direct him? He waited. He went on waiting. He + waited a considerable time, and at last, just as he was about to trust to + luck, and make for Much Middlefold-on-the-Hill, a figure loomed in sight, + a slow-moving man, who strolled down the Old Inns road at a pace which + seemed to argue that he had plenty of time on his hands. + </p> + <p> + 'I say, can you tell me the way to Anfield, please?' said the Bishop as he + came up. + </p> + <p> + The man stopped, apparently rooted to the spot. He surveyed the Bishop + with a glassy but determined stare from head to foot. Then he looked + earnestly at the bicycle, and finally, in perfect silence, began to + inspect the Bishop again. + </p> + <p> + 'Eh?' he said at length. + </p> + <p> + 'Can you tell me the way to Anfield?' + </p> + <p> + 'Anfield?' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. How do I get there?' + </p> + <p> + The man perpended, and when he replied did so after the style of the late + and great Ollendorf. + </p> + <p> + 'Old Inns,' he said dreamily, waving a hand down the road by which he had + come, 'be over there.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes, yes, I know,' said Gethryn. + </p> + <p> + 'Was born at Old Inns, I was,' continued the man, warming to his subject. + 'Lived there fifty-five years, I have. Yeou go straight down the road an' + yeou cam t' Old Inns. Yes, that be the way t' Old Inns.' + </p> + <p> + Gethryn nobly refrained from rending the speaker limb from limb. + </p> + <p> + 'I don't want to know the way to Old Inns,' he said desperately. 'Where I + want to get is Anfield. Anfield, you know. Which way do I go?' + </p> + <p> + 'Anfield?' said the man. Then a brilliant flash of intelligence illumined + his countenance. 'Whoy, Anfield be same road as Old Inns. Yeou go straight + down the road, an'—' + </p> + <p> + 'Thanks very much,' said Gethryn, and without waiting for further + revelations shot off in the direction indicated. A quarter of a mile + farther he looked over his shoulder. The man was still there, gazing after + him in a kind of trance. + </p> + <p> + The Bishop passed through Old Inns with some way on his machine. He had + much lost time to make up. A signpost bearing the legend 'Anfield four + miles' told him that he was nearing his destination. The notice had + changed to three miles and again to two, when suddenly he felt that + jarring sensation which every cyclist knows. His back tyre was punctured. + It was impossible to ride on. He got off and walked. He was still in his + cricket clothes, and the fact that he had on spiked boots did not make + walking any the easier. His progress was not rapid. + </p> + <p> + Half an hour before his one wish had been to catch sight of a + fellow-being. Now, when he would have preferred to have avoided his + species, men seemed to spring up from nowhere, and every man of them had a + remark to make or a question to ask about the punctured tyre. Reserve is + not the leading characteristic of the average yokel. + </p> + <p> + Gethryn, however, refused to be drawn into conversation on the subject. At + last one, more determined than the rest, brought him to bay. + </p> + <p> + 'Hoy, mister, stop,' called a voice. Gethryn turned. A man was running up + the road towards him. + </p> + <p> + He arrived panting. + </p> + <p> + 'What's up?' said the Bishop. + </p> + <p> + 'You've got a puncture,' said the man, pointing an accusing finger at the + flattened tyre. + </p> + <p> + It was not worth while killing the brute. Probably he was acting from the + best motives. + </p> + <p> + 'No,' said Gethryn wearily, 'it isn't a puncture. I always let the air out + when I'm riding. It looks so much better, don't you think so? Why did they + let you out? Good-bye.' + </p> + <p> + And feeling a little more comfortable after this outburst, he wheeled his + bicycle on into Anfield High Street. + </p> + <p> + Minds in the village of Anfield worked with extraordinary rapidity. The + first person of whom he asked the way to the Junction answered the riddle + almost without thinking. He left his machine out in the road and went on + to the platform. The first thing that caught his eye was the station clock + with its hands pointing to five past four. And when he realized that, his + uncle's train having left a clear half hour before, his labours had all + been for nothing, the full bitterness of life came home to him. + </p> + <p> + He was turning away from the station when he stopped. Something else had + caught his eye. On a bench at the extreme end of the platform sat a youth. + And a further scrutiny convinced the Bishop of the fact that the youth was + none other than Master Reginald Farnie, late of Beckford, and shortly, or + he would know the reason why, to be once more of Beckford. Other people + besides himself, it appeared, could miss trains. + </p> + <p> + Farnie was reading one of those halfpenny weeklies which—with a + nerve which is the only creditable thing about them—call themselves + comic. He did not see the Bishop until a shadow falling across his paper + caused him to look up. + </p> + <p> + It was not often that he found himself unequal to a situation. Monk in a + recent conversation had taken him aback somewhat, but his feelings on that + occasion were not to be compared with what he felt on seeing the one + person whom he least desired to meet standing at his side. His jaw dropped + limply, <i>Comic Blitherings</i> fluttered to the ground. + </p> + <p> + The Bishop was the first to speak. Indeed, if he had waited for Farnie to + break the silence, he would have waited long. + </p> + <p> + 'Get up,' he said. Farnie got up. + </p> + <p> + 'Come on.' Farnie came. + </p> + <p> + 'Go and get your machine,' said Gethryn. 'Hurry up. And now you will jolly + well come back to Beckford, you little beast.' + </p> + <p> + But before that could be done there was Gethryn's back wheel to be mended. + This took time. It was nearly half past four before they started. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh,' said Gethryn, as they were about to mount, 'there's that money. I + was forgetting. Out with it.' + </p> + <p> + Ten pounds had been the sum Farnie had taken from the study. Six was all + he was able to restore. Gethryn enquired after the deficit. + </p> + <p> + 'I gave it to Monk,' said Farnie. + </p> + <p> + To Gethryn, in his present frame of mind, the mere mention of Monk was + sufficient to uncork the vials of his wrath. + </p> + <p> + 'What the blazes did you do that for? What's Monk got to do with it?' + </p> + <p> + 'He said he'd get me sacked if I didn't pay him,' whined Farnie. + </p> + <p> + This was not strictly true. Monk had not said. He had hinted. And he had + hinted at flogging, not expulsion. + </p> + <p> + 'Why?' pursued the Bishop. 'What had you and Monk been up to?' + </p> + <p> + Farnie, using his out-of-bounds adventures as a foundation, worked up a + highly artistic narrative of doings, which, if they had actually been + performed, would certainly have entailed expulsion. He had judged + Gethryn's character correctly. If the matter had been simply a case for a + flogging, the Bishop would have stood aside and let the thing go on. + Against the extreme penalty of School law he felt bound as a matter of + family duty to shield his relative. And he saw a bad time coming for + himself in the very near future. Either he must expose Farnie, which he + had resolved not to do, or he must refuse to explain his absence from the + M.C.C. match, for by now there was not the smallest chance of his being + able to get back in time for the visitors' innings. As he rode on he tried + to imagine what would happen in consequence of that desertion, and he + could not do it. His crime was, so far as he knew, absolutely without + precedent in the School history. + </p> + <p> + As they passed the cricket field he saw that it was empty. Stumps were + usually drawn early in the M.C.C. match if the issue of the game was out + of doubt, as the Marylebone men had trains to catch. Evidently this had + happened today. It might mean that the School had won easily—they + had looked like making a big score when he had left the ground—in + which case public opinion would be more lenient towards him. After a + victory a school feels that all's well that ends well. But it might, on + the other hand, mean quite the reverse. + </p> + <p> + He put his machine up, and hurried to the study. Several boys, as he + passed them, looked curiously at him, but none spoke to him. + </p> + <p> + Marriott was in the study, reading a book. He was still in flannels, and + looked as if he had begun to change but had thought better of it. As was + actually the case. + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo,' he cried, as Gethryn appeared. 'Where the dickens have you been + all the afternoon? What on earth did you go off like that for?' + </p> + <p> + 'I'm sorry, old chap,' said the Bishop, 'I can't tell you. I shan't be + able to tell anyone.' + </p> + <p> + 'But, man! Try and realize what you've done. Do you grasp the fact that + you've gone and got the School licked in the M.C.C. match, and that we + haven't beaten the M.C.C. for about a dozen years, and that if you'd been + there to bowl we should have walked over this time? Do try and grasp the + thing.' + </p> + <p> + 'Did they win?' + </p> + <p> + 'Rather. By a wicket. Two wickets, I mean. We made 213. Your bowling would + just have done it.' + </p> + <p> + Gethryn sat down. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh Lord,' he said blankly, 'this is awful!' + </p> + <p> + 'But, look here, Bishop,' continued Marriott, 'this is all rot. You can't + do a thing like this, and then refuse to offer any explanation, and expect + things to go on just as usual.' + </p> + <p> + 'I don't,' said Gethryn. 'I know there's going to be a row, but I can't + explain. You'll have to take me on trust.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, as far as I am concerned, it's all right,' said Marriott. 'I know you + wouldn't be ass enough to do a thing like that without a jolly good + reason. It's the other chaps I'm thinking about. You'll find it jolly hard + to put Norris off, I'm afraid. He's most awfully sick about the match. He + fielded badly, which always makes him shirty. Jephson, too. You'll have a + bad time with Jephson. His one wish after the match was to have your gore + and plenty of it. Nothing else would have pleased him a bit. And think of + the chaps in the House, too. Just consider what a pull this gives Monk and + his mob over you. The House'll want some looking after now, I fancy.' + </p> + <p> + 'And they'll get it,' said Gethryn. 'If Monk gives me any of his beastly + cheek, I'll knock his head off.' + </p> + <p> + But in spite of the consolation which such a prospect afforded him, he did + not look forward with pleasure to the next day, when he would have to meet + Norris and the rest. It would have been bad in any case. He did not care + to think what would happen when he refused to offer the slightest + explanation. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 10 — IN WHICH A CASE IS FULLY DISCUSSED + </h2> + <p> + Gethryn was right in thinking that the interviews would be unpleasant. + They increased in unpleasantness in arithmetical progression, until they + culminated finally in a terrific encounter with the justly outraged + Norris. + </p> + <p> + Reece was the first person to institute inquiries, and if everybody had + resembled him, matters would not have been so bad for Gethryn. Reece + possessed a perfect genius for minding his own business. The dialogue when + they met was brief. + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo,' said Reece. + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo,' said the Bishop. + </p> + <p> + 'Where did you get to yesterday?' said Reece. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, I had to go somewhere,' said the Bishop vaguely. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh? Pity. Wasn't a bad match.' And that was all the comment Reece made on + the situation. + </p> + <p> + Gethryn went over to the chapel that morning with an empty sinking feeling + inside him. He was quite determined to offer no single word of + explanation, and he felt that that made the prospect all the worse. There + was a vast uncertainty in his mind as to what was going to happen. Nobody + could actually do anything to him, of course. It would have been a decided + relief to him if anybody had tried that line of action, for moments occur + when the only thing that can adequately soothe the wounded spirit, is to + hit straight from the shoulder at someone. The punching-ball is often + found useful under these circumstances. As he was passing Jephson's House + he nearly ran into somebody who was coming out. + </p> + <p> + 'Be firm, my moral pecker,' thought Gethryn, and braced himself up for + conflict. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, Gethryn?' said Mr Jephson. + </p> + <p> + The question 'Well?' especially when addressed by a master to a boy, is + one of the few questions to which there is literally no answer. You can + look sheepish, you can look defiant, or you can look surprised according + to the state of your conscience. But anything in the way of verbal + response is impossible. + </p> + <p> + Gethryn attempted no verbal response. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, Gethryn,' went on Mr Jephson, 'was it pleasant up the river + yesterday?' + </p> + <p> + Mr Jephson always preferred the rapier of sarcasm to the bludgeon of + abuse. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes, sir,' said Gethryn, 'very pleasant.' He did not mean to be massacred + without a struggle. + </p> + <p> + 'What!' cried Mr Jephson. 'You actually mean to say that you did go up the + river?' + </p> + <p> + 'No, sir.' + </p> + <p> + 'Then what do you mean?' + </p> + <p> + 'It is always pleasant up the river on a fine day,' said Gethryn. + </p> + <p> + His opponent, to use a metaphor suitable to a cricket master, changed his + action. He abandoned sarcasm and condescended to direct inquiry. + </p> + <p> + 'Where were you yesterday afternoon?' he said. + </p> + <p> + The Bishop, like Mr Hurry Bungsho Jabberjee, B.A., became at once the + silent tomb. + </p> + <p> + 'Did you hear what I said, Gethryn?' (icily). 'Where were you yesterday + afternoon?' + </p> + <p> + 'I can't say, sir.' + </p> + <p> + These words may convey two meanings. They may imply ignorance, in which + case the speaker should be led gently off to the nearest asylum. Or they + may imply obstinacy. Mr Jephson decided that in the present case obstinacy + lay at the root of the matter. He became icier than ever. + </p> + <p> + 'Very well, Gethryn,' he said, 'I shall report this to the Headmaster.' + </p> + <p> + And Gethryn, feeling that the conference was at an end, proceeded on his + way. + </p> + <p> + After chapel there was Norris to be handled. Norris had been rather late + for chapel that morning, and had no opportunity of speaking to the Bishop. + But after the service was over, and the School streamed out of the + building towards their respective houses, he waylaid him at the door, and + demanded an explanation. The Bishop refused to give one. Norris, whose + temper never had a chance of reaching its accustomed tranquillity until he + had consumed some breakfast—he hated early morning chapel—raved. + The Bishop was worried, but firm. + </p> + <p> + 'Then you mean to say—you don't mean to say—I mean, you don't + intend to explain?' said Norris finally, working round for the twentieth + time to his original text. + </p> + <p> + 'I can't explain.' + </p> + <p> + 'You won't, you mean.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. I'll apologize if you like, but I won't explain.' + </p> + <p> + Norris felt the strain was becoming too much for him. + </p> + <p> + 'Apologize!' he moaned, addressing circumambient space. 'Apologize! A man + cuts off in the middle of the M.C.C. match, loses us the game, and then + comes back and offers to apologize.' + </p> + <p> + 'The offer's withdrawn,' put in Gethryn. 'Apologies and explanations are + both off.' It was hopeless to try and be conciliatory under the + circumstances. They did not admit of it. + </p> + <p> + Norris glared. + </p> + <p> + 'I suppose,' he said, 'you don't expect to go on playing for the First + after this? We can't keep a place open for you in the team on the off + chance of your not having a previous engagement, you know.' + </p> + <p> + 'That's your affair,' said the Bishop, 'you're captain. Have you finished + your address? Is there anything else you'd like to say?' + </p> + <p> + Norris considered, and, as he went in at Jephson's gate, wound up with + this Parthian shaft— + </p> + <p> + 'All I can say is that you're not fit to be at a public school. They ought + to sack a chap for doing that sort of thing. If you'll take my advice, + you'll leave.' + </p> + <p> + About two hours afterwards Gethryn discovered a suitable retort, but, + coming to the conclusion that better late than never does not apply to + repartees, refrained from speaking it. + </p> + <p> + It was Mr Jephson's usual custom to sally out after supper on Sunday + evenings to smoke a pipe (or several pipes) with one of the other + House-masters. On this particular evening he made for Robertson's, which + was one of the four Houses on the opposite side of the School grounds. He + could hardly have selected a better man to take his grievance to. Mr + Robertson was a long, silent man with grizzled hair, and an eye that + pierced like a gimlet. He had the enviable reputation of keeping the best + order of any master in the School. He was also one of the most popular of + the staff. This was all the more remarkable from the fact that he played + no games. + </p> + <p> + To him came Mr Jephson, primed to bursting point with his grievance. + </p> + <p> + 'Anything wrong, Jephson?' said Mr Robertson. + </p> + <p> + 'Wrong? I should just think there was. Did you happen to be looking at the + match yesterday, Robertson?' + </p> + <p> + Mr Robertson nodded. + </p> + <p> + 'I always watch School matches. Good match. Norris missed a bad catch in + the slips. He was asleep.' + </p> + <p> + Mr Jephson conceded the point. It was trivial. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes,' he said, 'he should certainly have held it. But that's a mere + detail. I want to talk about Gethryn. Do you know what he did yesterday? I + never heard of such a thing in my life, never. Went off during the + luncheon interval without a word, and never appeared again till lock-up. + And now he refuses to offer any explanation whatever. I shall report the + whole thing to Beckett. I told Gethryn so this morning.' + </p> + <p> + 'I shouldn't,' said Mr Robertson; 'I really think I shouldn't. Beckett + finds the ordinary duties of a Headmaster quite sufficient for his needs. + This business is not in his province at all.' + </p> + <p> + 'Not in his province? My dear sir, what is a headmaster for, if not to + manage affairs of this sort?' + </p> + <p> + Mr Robertson smiled in a sphinx-like manner, and answered, after the + fashion of Socrates, with a question. + </p> + <p> + 'Let me ask you two things, Jephson. You must proceed gingerly. Now, + firstly, it is a headmaster's business to punish any breach of school + rules, is it not?' + </p> + <p> + 'Well?' + </p> + <p> + 'And school prefects do not attend roll-call, and have no restrictions + placed upon them in the matter of bounds?' + </p> + <p> + 'No. Well?' + </p> + <p> + 'Then perhaps you'll tell me what School rule Gethryn has broken?' said Mr + Robertson. + </p> + <p> + 'You see you can't,' he went on. 'Of course you can't. He has not broken + any School rule. He is a prefect, and may do anything he likes with his + spare time. He chooses to play cricket. Then he changes his mind and goes + off to some unknown locality for some reason at present unexplained. It is + all perfectly legal. Extremely quaint behaviour on his part, I admit, but + thoroughly legal.' + </p> + <p> + 'Then nothing can be done,' exclaimed Mr Jephson blankly. 'But it's + absurd. Something must be done. The thing can't be left as it is. It's + preposterous!' + </p> + <p> + 'I should imagine,' said Mr Robertson, 'from what small knowledge I + possess of the Human Boy, that matters will be made decidedly unpleasant + for the criminal.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, I know one thing; he won't play for the team again.' + </p> + <p> + 'There is something very refreshing about your logic, Jephson. Because a + boy does not play in one match, you will not let him play in any of the + others, though you admit his absence weakens the team. However, I suppose + that is unavoidable. Mind you, I think it is a pity. Of course Gethryn has + some explanation, if he would only favour us with it. Personally I think + rather highly of Gethryn. So does poor old Leicester. He is the only + Head-prefect Leicester has had for the last half-dozen years who knows + even the rudiments of his business. But it's no use my preaching his + virtues to you. You wouldn't listen. Take another cigar, and let's talk + about the weather.' + </p> + <p> + Mr Jephson took the proffered weed, and the conversation, though it did + not turn upon the suggested topic, ceased to have anything to do with + Gethryn. + </p> + <p> + The general opinion of the School was dead against the Bishop. One or two + of his friends still clung to a hope that explanations might come out, + while there were also a few who always made a point of thinking + differently from everybody else. Of this class was Pringle. On the Monday + after the match he spent the best part of an hour of his valuable time + reasoning on the subject with Lorimer. Lorimer's vote went with the + majority. Although he had fielded for the Bishop, he was not, of course, + being merely a substitute, allowed to bowl, as the Bishop had had his + innings, and it had been particularly galling to him to feel that he might + have saved the match, if it had only been possible for him to have played + a larger part. + </p> + <p> + 'It's no good jawing about it,' he said, 'there isn't a word to say for + the man. He hasn't a leg to stand on. Why, it would be bad enough in a + House or form match even, but when it comes to first matches—!' Here + words failed Lorimer. + </p> + <p> + 'Not at all,' said Pringle, unmoved. 'There are heaps of reasons, jolly + good reasons, why he might have gone away.' + </p> + <p> + 'Such as?' said Lorimer. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, he might have been called away by a telegram, for instance.' + </p> + <p> + 'What rot! Why should he make such a mystery of it if that was all?' + </p> + <p> + 'He'd have explained all right if somebody had asked him properly. You get + a chap like Norris, who, when he loses his hair, has got just about as + much tact as a rhinoceros, going and ballyragging the man, and no wonder + he won't say anything. I shouldn't myself.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, go and talk to him decently, then. Let's see you do it, and I'll + bet it won't make a bit of difference. What the chap has done is to go and + get himself mixed up in some shady business somewhere. That's the only + thing it can be.' + </p> + <p> + 'Rot,' said Pringle, 'the Bishop isn't that sort of chap.' + </p> + <p> + 'You can't tell. I say,' he broke off suddenly, 'have you done that poem + yet?' + </p> + <p> + Pringle started. He had not so much as begun that promised epic. + </p> + <p> + 'I—er—haven't quite finished it yet. I'm thinking it out, you + know. Getting a sort of general grip of the thing.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh. Well, I wish you'd buck up with it. It's got to go in tomorrow week.' + </p> + <p> + 'Tomorrow week. Tuesday the what? Twenty-second, isn't it? Right. I'll + remember. Two days after the O.B.s' match. That'll fix it in my mind. By + the way, your people are going to come down all right, aren't they? I + mean, we shall have to be getting in supplies and so on.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. They'll be coming. There's plenty of time, though, to think of that. + What you've got to do for the present is to keep your mind glued on the + death of Dido.' + </p> + <p> + 'Rather,' said Pringle, 'I won't forget.' + </p> + <p> + This was at six twenty-two p.m. By the time six-thirty boomed from the + College clock-tower, Pringle was absorbing a thrilling work of fiction, + and Dido, her death, and everything connected with her, had faded from his + mind like a beautiful dream. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 11 — POETRY AND STUMP-CRICKET + </h2> + <p> + The Old Beckfordians' match came off in due season, and Pringle enjoyed it + thoroughly. Though he only contributed a dozen in the first innings, he + made up for this afterwards in the second, when the School had a hundred + and twenty to get in just two hours. He went in first with Marriott, and + they pulled the thing off and gave the School a ten wickets victory with + eight minutes to spare. Pringle was in rare form. He made fifty-three, + mainly off the bowling of a certain J.R. Smith, whose fag he had been in + the old days. When at School, Smith had always been singularly aggressive + towards Pringle, and the latter found that much pleasure was to be derived + from hitting fours off his bowling. Subsequently he ate more strawberries + and cream than were, strictly speaking, good for him, and did the honours + at the study tea-party with the grace of a born host. And, as he had + hoped, Miss Mabel Lorimer <i>did</i> ask what that silver-plate was stuck + on to that bat for. + </p> + <p> + It is not to be wondered at that in the midst of these festivities such + trivialities as Lorimer's poem found no place in his thoughts. It was not + until the following day that he was reminded of it. + </p> + <p> + That Sunday was a visiting Sunday. Visiting Sundays occurred three times a + term, when everybody who had friends and relations in the neighbourhood + was allowed to spend the day with them. Pringle on such occasions used to + ride over to Biddlehampton, the scene of Farnie's adventures, on somebody + else's bicycle, his destination being the residence of a certain Colonel + Ashby, no relation, but a great friend of his father's. + </p> + <p> + The gallant Colonel had, besides his other merits—which were + numerous—the pleasant characteristic of leaving his guests to + themselves. To be left to oneself under some circumstances is apt to be a + drawback, but in this case there was never any lack of amusements. The + only objection that Pringle ever found was that there was too much to do + in the time. There was shooting, riding, fishing, and also stump-cricket. + Given proper conditions, no game in existence yields to stump-cricket in + the matter of excitement. A stable-yard makes the best pitch, for the + walls stop all hits and you score solely by boundaries, one for every hit, + two if it goes past the coach-room door, four to the end wall, and out if + you send it over. It is perfect. + </p> + <p> + There were two junior Ashbys, twins, aged sixteen. They went to school at + Charchester, returning to the ancestral home for the weekend. Sometimes + when Pringle came they would bring a school friend, in which case Pringle + and he would play the twins. But as a rule the programme consisted of a + series of five test matches, Charchester <i>versus</i> Beckford; and as + Pringle was almost exactly twice as good as each of the twins taken + individually, when they combined it made the sides very even, and the test + matches were fought out with the most deadly keenness. + </p> + <p> + After lunch the Colonel was in the habit of taking Pringle for a stroll in + the grounds, to watch him smoke a cigar or two. On this Sunday the + conversation during the walk, after beginning, as was right and proper, + with cricket, turned to work. + </p> + <p> + 'Let me see,' said the Colonel, as Pringle finished the description of how + point had almost got to the square cut which had given him his century + against Charchester, 'you're out of the Upper Fifth now, aren't you? I + always used to think you were going to be a fixture there. You are like + your father in that way. I remember him at Rugby spending years on end in + the same form. Couldn't get out of it. But you did get your remove, if I + remember?' + </p> + <p> + 'Rather,' said Pringle, 'years ago. That's to say, last term. And I'm + jolly glad I did, too.' + </p> + <p> + His errant memory had returned to the poetry prize once more. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh,' said the Colonel, 'why is that?' + </p> + <p> + Pringle explained the peculiar disadvantages that attended membership of + the Upper Fifth during the summer term. + </p> + <p> + 'I don't think a man ought to be allowed to spend his money in these + special prizes,' he concluded; 'at any rate they ought to be Sixth Form + affairs. It's hard enough having to do the ordinary work and keep up your + cricket at the same time.' + </p> + <p> + 'They are compulsory then?' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. Swindle, I call it. The chap who shares my study at Beckford is in + the Upper Fifth, and his hair's turning white under the strain. The worst + of it is, too, that I've promised to help him, and I never seem to have + any time to give to the thing. I could turn out a great poem if I had an + hour or two to spare now and then.' + </p> + <p> + 'What's the subject?' + </p> + <p> + 'Death of Dido this year. They are always jolly keen on deaths. Last year + it was Cato, and the year before Julius Caesar. They seem to have very + morbid minds. I think they might try something cheerful for a change.' + </p> + <p> + 'Dido,' said the Colonel dreamily. 'Death of Dido. Where have I heard + either a story or a poem or a riddle or something in some way connected + with the death of Dido? It was years ago, but I distinctly remember having + heard somebody mention the occurrence. Oh, well, it will come back + presently, I dare say.' + </p> + <p> + It did come back presently. The story was this. A friend of Colonel + Ashby's—the one-time colonel of his regiment, to be exact—was + an earnest student of everything in the literature of the country that + dealt with Sport. This gentleman happened to read in a publisher's list + one day that a limited edition of <i>The Dark Horse</i>, by a Mr Arthur + James, was on sale, and might be purchased from the publisher by all who + were willing to spend half a guinea to that end. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, old Matthews,' said the Colonel, 'sent off for this book. Thought + it must be a sporting novel, don't you know. I shall never forget his + disappointment when he opened the parcel. It turned out to be a collection + of poems. <i>The Dark Horse, and Other Studies in the Tragic</i>, was its + full title.' + </p> + <p> + 'Matthews never had a soul for poetry, good or bad. <i>The Dark Horse</i> + itself was about a knight in the Middle Ages, you know. Great nonsense it + was, too. Matthews used to read me passages from time to time. When he + gave up the regiment he left me the book as a farewell gift. He said I was + the only man he knew who really sympathized with him in the affair. I've + got it still. It's in the library somewhere, if you care to look at it. + What recalled it to my mind was your mention of Dido. The second poem was + about the death of Dido, as far as I can remember. I'm no judge of poetry, + but it didn't strike me as being very good. At the same time, you might + pick up a hint or two from it. It ought to be in one of the two lower + shelves on the right of the door as you go in. Unless it has been taken + away. That is not likely, though. We are not very enthusiastic poetry + readers here.' + </p> + <p> + Pringle thanked him for his information, and went back to the stable-yard, + where he lost the fourth test match by sixteen runs, owing to + preoccupation. You can't play a yorker on the leg-stump with a thin + walking-stick if your mind is occupied elsewhere. And the leg-stump + yorkers of James, the elder (by a minute) of the two Ashbys, were + achieving a growing reputation in Charchester cricket circles. + </p> + <p> + One ought never, thought Pringle, to despise the gifts which Fortune + bestows on us. And this mention of an actual completed poem on the very + subject which was in his mind was clearly a gift of Fortune. How much + better it would be to read thoughtfully through this poem, and quarry out + a set of verses from it suitable to Lorimer's needs, than to waste his + brain-tissues in trying to evolve something original from his own inner + consciousness. Pringle objected strongly to any unnecessary waste of his + brain-tissues. Besides, the best poets borrowed. Virgil did it. Tennyson + did it. Even Homer—we have it on the authority of Mr Kipling—when + he smote his blooming lyre went and stole what he thought he might + require. Why should Pringle of the School House refuse to follow in such + illustrious footsteps? + </p> + <p> + It was at this point that the guileful James delivered his insidious + yorker, and the dull thud of the tennis ball on the board which served as + the wicket told a listening world that Charchester had won the fourth test + match, and that the scores were now two all. + </p> + <p> + But Beckford's star was to ascend again. Pringle's mind was made up. He + would read the printed poem that very night, and before retiring to rest + he would have Lorimer's verses complete and ready to be sent in for + judgement to the examiner. But for the present he would dismiss the matter + from his mind, and devote himself to polishing off the Charchester + champions in the fifth and final test match. And in this he was + successful, for just as the bell rang, summoning the players in to a + well-earned tea, a sweet forward drive from his walking-stick crashed + against the end wall, and Beckford had won the rubber. + </p> + <p> + 'As the young batsman, undefeated to the last, reached the pavilion,' said + Pringle, getting into his coat, 'a prolonged and deafening salvo of cheers + greeted him. His twenty-three not out, compiled as it was against the + finest bowling Charchester could produce, and on a wicket that was always + treacherous (there's a brick loose at the top end), was an effort unique + in its heroism.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, <i>come</i> on,' said the defeated team. + </p> + <p> + 'If you have fluked a win,' said James, 'it's nothing much. Wait till next + visiting Sunday.' + </p> + <p> + And the teams went in to tea. + </p> + <p> + In the programme which Pringle had mapped out for himself, he was to go to + bed with his book at the highly respectable hour of ten, work till eleven, + and then go to sleep. But programmes are notoriously subject to + alterations. Pringle's was altered owing to a remark made immediately + after dinner by John Ashby, who, desirous of retrieving the fallen + fortunes of Charchester, offered to play Pringle a hundred up at + billiards, giving him thirty. Now Pringle's ability in the realm of sport + did not extend to billiards. But the human being who can hear unmoved a + fellow human being offering him thirty start in a game of a hundred has + yet to be born. He accepted the challenge, and permission to play having + been granted by the powers that were, on the understanding that the cloth + was not to be cut and as few cues broken as possible, the game began, + James acting as marker. + </p> + <p> + There are doubtless ways by which a game of a hundred up can be got + through in less than two hours, but with Pringle and his opponent desire + outran performance. When the highest break on either side is six, and the + average break two, matters progress with more stateliness than speed. At + last, when the hands of the clock both pointed to the figure eleven, + Pringle, whose score had been at ninety-eight since half-past ten, found + himself within two inches of his opponent's ball, which was tottering on + the very edge of the pocket. He administered the <i>coup de grace</i> with + the air of a John Roberts, and retired triumphant; while the Charchester + representatives pointed out that as their score was at seventy-four, they + had really won a moral victory by four points. To which specious and + unsportsmanlike piece of sophistry Pringle turned a deaf ear. + </p> + <p> + It was now too late for any serious literary efforts. No bard can do + without his sleep. Even Homer used to nod at times. So Pringle contented + himself with reading through the poem, which consisted of some thirty + lines, and copying the same down on a sheet of notepaper for future + reference. After which he went to bed. + </p> + <p> + In order to arrive at Beckford in time for morning school, he had to start + from the house at eight o'clock punctually. This left little time for + poetical lights. The consequence was that when Lorimer, on the following + afternoon, demanded the poem as per contract, all that Pringle had to show + was the copy which he had made of the poem in the book. There was a + moment's suspense while Conscience and Sheer Wickedness fought the matter + out inside him, and then Conscience, which had started on the encounter + without enthusiasm, being obviously flabby and out of condition, threw up + the sponge. + </p> + <p> + 'Here you are,' said Pringle, 'it's only a rough copy, but here it <i>is</i>.' + </p> + <p> + Lorimer perused it hastily. + </p> + <p> + 'But, I say,' he observed in surprised and awestruck tones, 'this is + rather good.' + </p> + <p> + It seemed to strike him as quite a novel idea. 'Yes, not bad, is it?' + </p> + <p> + 'But it'll get the prize.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, we shall have to prevent that somehow.' + </p> + <p> + He did not mention how, and Lorimer did not ask. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, anyhow,' said Lorimer, 'thanks awfully. I hope you've not fagged + about it too much.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh no,' said Pringle airily, 'rather not. It's been no trouble at all.' + </p> + <p> + He thus, it will be noticed, concluded a painful and immoral scene by + speaking perfect truth. A most gratifying reflection. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 12 — 'WE, THE UNDERSIGNED—' + </h2> + <p> + Norris kept his word with regard to the Bishop's exclusion from the + Eleven. The team which had beaten the O.B.s had not had the benefit of his + assistance, Lorimer appearing in his stead. Lorimer was a fast right-hand + bowler, deadly in House matches or on a very bad wicket. He was the + mainstay of the Second Eleven attack, and in an ordinary year would have + been certain of his First Eleven cap. This season, however, with Gosling, + Baynes, and the Bishop, the School had been unusually strong, and Lorimer + had had to wait. + </p> + <p> + The non-appearance of his name on the notice-board came as no surprise to + Gethryn. He had had the advantage of listening to Norris's views on the + subject. But when Marriott grasped the facts of the case, he went to + Norris and raved. Norris, as is right and proper in the captain of a + School team when the wisdom of his actions is called into question, + treated him with no respect whatever. + </p> + <p> + 'It's no good talking,' he said, when Marriott had finished a brisk + opening speech, 'I know perfectly well what I'm doing.' + </p> + <p> + 'Then there's no excuse for you at all,' said Marriott. 'If you were mad + or delirious I could understand it.' + </p> + <p> + 'Come and have an ice,' said Norris. + </p> + <p> + 'Ice!' snorted Marriott. 'What's the good of standing there babbling about + ices! Do you know we haven't beaten the O.B.s for four years?' + </p> + <p> + 'We shall beat them this year.' + </p> + <p> + 'Not without Gethryn.' + </p> + <p> + 'We certainly shan't beat them with Gethryn, because he's not going to + play. A chap who chooses the day of the M.C.C. match to go off for the + afternoon, and then refuses to explain, can consider himself jolly well + chucked until further notice. Feel ready for that ice yet?' + </p> + <p> + 'Don't be an ass.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, if ever you do get any ice, take my tip and tie it carefully round + your head in a handkerchief. Then perhaps you'll be able to see why + Gethryn isn't playing against the O.B.s on Saturday.' + </p> + <p> + And Marriott went off raging, and did not recover until late in the + afternoon, when he made eighty-three in an hour for Leicester's House in a + scratch game. + </p> + <p> + There were only three of the eleven Houses whose occupants seriously + expected to see the House cricket cup on the mantelpiece of their + dining-room at the end of the season. These were the School House, + Jephson's, and Leicester's. In view of Pringle's sensational feats + throughout the term, the knowing ones thought that the cup would go to the + School House, with Leicester's runners-up. The various members of the + First Eleven were pretty evenly distributed throughout the three Houses. + Leicester's had Gethryn, Reece, and Marriott. Jephson's relied on Norris, + Bruce, and Baker. The School House trump card was Pringle, with Lorimer + and Baynes to do the bowling, and Hill of the First Eleven and Kynaston + and Langdale of the second to back him up in the batting department. Both + the other First Eleven men were day boys. + </p> + <p> + The presence of Gosling in any of the House elevens, however weak on + paper, would have lent additional interest to the fight for the cup; for + in House matches, where every team has more or less of a tail, one really + good fast bowler can make a surprising amount of difference to a side. + </p> + <p> + There was a great deal of interest in the School about the House cup. The + keenest of all games at big schools are generally the House matches. When + Beckford met Charchester or any of the four schools which it played at + cricket and football, keenness reached its highest pitch. But next to + these came the House matches. + </p> + <p> + Now that he no longer played for the Eleven, the Bishop was able to give + his whole mind to training the House team in the way it should go. + Exclusion from the First Eleven meant also that he could no longer, unless + possessed of an amount of <i>sang-froid</i> so colossal as almost to + amount to genius, put in an appearance at the First Eleven net. Under + these circumstances Leicester's net summoned him. Like Mr Phil May's lady + when she was ejected (with perfect justice) by a barman, he went somewhere + where he would be respected. To the House, then, he devoted himself, and + scratch games and before-breakfast field-outs became the order of the day. + </p> + <p> + House fielding before breakfast is one of the things which cannot be + classed under the head of the Lighter Side of Cricket. You get up in the + small hours, dragged from a comfortable bed by some sportsman who, you + feel, carries enthusiasm to a point where it ceases to be a virtue and + becomes a nuisance. You get into flannels, and, still half asleep, stagger + off to the field, where a hired ruffian hits you up catches which bite + like serpents and sting like adders. From time to time he adds insult to + injury by shouting 'get to 'em!', 'get to 'em!'—a remark which finds + but one parallel in the language, the 'keep moving' of the football + captain. Altogether there are many more pleasant occupations than early + morning field-outs, and it requires a considerable amount of keenness to + carry the victim through them without hopelessly souring his nature and + causing him to foster uncharitable thoughts towards his House captain. + </p> + <p> + J. Monk of Leicester's found this increased activity decidedly + uncongenial. He had no real patriotism in him. He played cricket well, but + he played entirely for himself. + </p> + <p> + If, for instance, he happened to make fifty in a match—and it + happened fairly frequently—he vastly preferred that the rest of the + side should make ten between them than that there should be any more + half-centuries on the score sheet, even at the expense of losing the + match. It was not likely, therefore, that he would take kindly to this + mortification of the flesh, the sole object of which was to make everybody + as conspicuous as everybody else. Besides, in the matter of fielding he + considered that he had nothing to learn, which, as Euclid would say, was + absurd. Fielding is one of the things which is never perfect. + </p> + <p> + Monk, moreover, had another reason for disliking the field-outs. Gethryn, + as captain of the House team, was naturally master of the ceremonies, and + Monk objected to Gethryn. For this dislike he had solid reasons. About a + fortnight after the commencement of term, the Bishop, going downstairs + from his study one afternoon, was aware of what appeared to be a species + of free fight going on in the doorway of the senior day-room. The senior + day-room was where the rowdy element of the House collected, the + individuals who were too old to be fags, and too low down in the School to + own studies. + </p> + <p> + Under ordinary circumstances the Bishop would probably have passed on + without investigating the matter. A head of a house hates above all things + to get a name for not minding his own business in unimportant matters. + Such a reputation tells against him when he has to put his foot down over + big things. To have invaded the senior day-room and stopped a conventional + senior day-room 'rag' would have been interfering with the most cherished + rights of the citizens, the freedom which is the birthright of every + Englishman, so to speak. + </p> + <p> + But as he passed the door which had just shut with a bang behind the free + fighters, he heard Monk's voice inside, and immediately afterwards the + voice of Danvers, and he stopped. In the first place, he reasoned within + himself, if Monk and Danvers were doing anything, it was probably + something wrong, and ought to be stopped. Gethryn always had the feeling + that it was his duty to go and see what Monk and Danvers were doing, and + tell them they mustn't. He had a profound belief in their irreclaimable + villainy. In the second place, having studies of their own, they had no + business to be in the senior day-room at all. It was contrary to the + etiquette of the House for a study man to enter the senior day-room, and + as a rule the senior day-room resented it. As to all appearances they were + not resenting it now, the obvious conclusion was that something was going + on which ought to cease. + </p> + <p> + The Bishop opened the door. Etiquette did not compel the head of the House + to knock, the rule being that you knocked only at the doors of those + senior to you in the House. He was consequently enabled to witness a + tableau which, if warning had been received of his coming, would possibly + have broken up before he entered. In the centre of the group was Wilson, + leaning over the study table, not so much as if he liked so leaning as + because he was held in that position by Danvers. In the background stood + Monk, armed with a walking-stick. Round the walls were various ornaments + of the senior day-room in attitudes of expectant attention, being + evidently content to play the part of 'friends and retainers', leaving the + leading parts in the hands of Monk and his colleague. + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo,' said the Bishop, 'what's going on?' + </p> + <p> + 'It's all right, old chap,' said Monk, grinning genially, 'we're only + having an execution.' + </p> + <p> + 'What's the row?' said the Bishop. 'What's Wilson been doing?' + </p> + <p> + 'Nothing,' broke in that youth, who had wriggled free from Danvers's + clutches. 'I haven't done a thing, Gethryn. These beasts lugged me out of + the junior day-room without saying what for or anything.' + </p> + <p> + The Bishop began to look dangerous. This had all the outward aspect of a + case of bullying. Under Reynolds's leadership Leicester's had gone in + rather extensively for bullying, and the Bishop had waited hungrily for a + chance of catching somebody actively engaged in the sport, so that he + might drop heavily on that person and make life unpleasant for him. + </p> + <p> + 'Well?' he said, turning to Monk, 'let's have it. What was it all about, + and what have you got to do with it?' + </p> + <p> + Monk began to shuffle. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, it was nothing much,' he said. + </p> + <p> + 'Then what are you doing with the stick?' pursued the Bishop relentlessly. + </p> + <p> + 'Young Wilson cheeked Perkins,' said Monk. + </p> + <p> + Murmurs of approval from the senior day-room. Perkins was one of the + ornaments referred to above. + </p> + <p> + 'How?' asked Gethryn. + </p> + <p> + Wilson dashed into the conversation again. + </p> + <p> + 'Perkins told me to go and get him some grub from the shop. I was doing + some work, so I couldn't. Besides, I'm not his fag. If Perkins wants to go + for me, why doesn't he do it himself, and not get about a hundred fellows + to help him?' + </p> + <p> + 'Exactly,' said the Bishop. 'A very sensible suggestion. Perkins, fall + upon Wilson and slay him. I'll see fair play. Go ahead.' + </p> + <p> + 'Er—no,' said Perkins uneasily. He was a small, weedy-looking youth, + not built for fighting except by proxy, and he remembered the episode of + Wilson and Skinner. + </p> + <p> + 'Then the thing's finished,' said Gethryn. 'Wilson walks over. We needn't + detain you, Wilson.' + </p> + <p> + Wilson departed with all the honours of war, and the Bishop turned to + Monk. + </p> + <p> + 'Now perhaps you'll tell me,' he said, 'what the deuce you and Danvers are + doing here?' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, hang it all, old chap—' + </p> + <p> + The Bishop begged that Monk would not call him 'old chap'. + </p> + <p> + 'I'll call you "sir", if you like,' said Monk. + </p> + <p> + A gleam of hope appeared in the Bishop's eye. Monk was going to give him + the opportunity he had long sighed for. In cold blood he could attack no + one, not even Monk, but if he was going to be rude, that altered matters. + </p> + <p> + 'What business have you in the day-room?' he said. 'You've got studies of + your own.' + </p> + <p> + 'If it comes to that,' said Monk, 'so have you. We've got as much business + here as you. What the deuce are you doing here?' + </p> + <p> + Taken by itself, taken neat, as it were, this repartee might have been + insufficient to act as a <i>casus belli</i>, but by a merciful + dispensation of Providence the senior day-room elected to laugh at the + remark, and to laugh loudly. Monk also laughed. Not, however, for long. + The next moment the Bishop had darted in, knocked his feet from under him, + and dragged him to the door. Captain Kettle himself could not have done it + more neatly. + </p> + <p> + 'Now,' said the Bishop, 'we can discuss the point.' + </p> + <p> + Monk got up, looking greener than usual, and began to dust his clothes. + </p> + <p> + 'Don't talk rot,' he said, 'I can't fight a prefect.' + </p> + <p> + This, of course, the Bishop had known all along. What he had intended to + do if Monk had kept up his end he had not decided when he embarked upon + the engagement. The head of a House cannot fight by-battles with his + inferiors without the loss of a good deal of his painfully acquired + dignity. But Gethryn knew Monk, and he had felt justified in risking it. + He improved the shining hour with an excursus on the subject of bullying, + dispensed a few general threats, and left the room. + </p> + <p> + Monk had—perhaps not unnaturally—not forgotten the incident, + and now that public opinion ran strongly against Gethryn on account of his + M.C.C. match manoeuvres, he acted. A mass meeting of the Mob was called in + his study, and it was unanimously voted that field-outs in the morning + were undesirable, and that it would be judicious if the team were to + strike. Now, as the Mob included in their numbers eight of the House + Eleven, their opinions on the subject carried weight. + </p> + <p> + 'Look here,' said Waterford, struck with a brilliant idea, 'I tell you + what we'll do. Let's sign a round-robin refusing to play in the House + matches unless Gethryn resigns the captaincy and the field-outs stop.' + </p> + <p> + 'We may as well sign in alphabetical order,' said Monk prudently. 'It'll + make it safer.' + </p> + <p> + The idea took the Mob's fancy. The round-robin was drawn up and signed. + </p> + <p> + 'Now, if we could only get Reece,' suggested Danvers. 'It's no good asking + Marriott, but Reece might sign.' + </p> + <p> + 'Let's have a shot at any rate,' said Monk. + </p> + <p> + And a deputation, consisting of Danvers, Waterford, and Monk, duly waited + upon Reece in his study, and broached the project to him. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 13 — LEICESTER'S HOUSE TEAM GOES INTO A SECOND EDITION + </h2> + <p> + Reece was working when the deputation entered. He looked up enquiringly, + but if he was pleased to see his visitors he managed to conceal the fact. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, I say, Reece,' began Monk, who had constituted himself spokesman to + the expedition, 'are you busy?' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes,' said Reece simply, going on with his writing. + </p> + <p> + This might have discouraged some people, but Nature had equipped Monk with + a tough skin, which hints never pierced. He dropped into a chair, crossed + his legs, and coughed. Danvers and Waterford leaned in picturesque + attitudes against the door and mantelpiece. There was a silence for a + minute, during which Reece continued to write unmoved. + </p> + <p> + 'Take a seat, Monk,' he said at last, without looking up. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, er, thanks, I have,' said Monk. 'I say, Reece, we wanted to speak to + you.' + </p> + <p> + 'Go ahead then,' said Reece. 'I can listen and write at the same time. I'm + doing this prose against time.' + </p> + <p> + 'It's about Gethryn.' + </p> + <p> + 'What's Gethryn been doing?' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, I don't know. Nothing special. It's about his being captain of the + House team. The chaps seem to think he ought to resign.' + </p> + <p> + 'Which chaps?' enquired Reece, laying down his pen and turning round in + his chair. + </p> + <p> + 'The rest of the team, you know.' + </p> + <p> + 'Why don't they think he ought to be captain? The head of the House is + always captain of the House team unless he's too bad to be in it at all. + Don't the chaps think Gethryn's good at cricket?' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, he's good enough,' said Monk. 'It's more about this M.C.C. match + business, you know. His cutting off like that in the middle of the match. + The chaps think the House ought to take some notice of it. Express its + disapproval, and that sort of thing.' + </p> + <p> + 'And what do the chaps think of doing about it?' + </p> + <p> + Monk inserted a hand in his breast-pocket, and drew forth the round-robin. + He straightened it out, and passed it over to Reece. + </p> + <p> + 'We've drawn up this notice,' he said, 'and we came to see if you'd sign + it. Nearly all the other chaps in the team have.' + </p> + <p> + Reece perused the document gravely. Then he handed it back to its owner. + </p> + <p> + 'What rot,' said he. + </p> + <p> + 'I don't think so at all,' said Monk. + </p> + <p> + 'Nor do I,' broke in Danvers, speaking for the first time. 'What else can + we do? We can't let a chap like Gethryn stick to the captaincy.' + </p> + <p> + 'Why not?' + </p> + <p> + 'A cad like that!' + </p> + <p> + 'That's a matter of opinion. I don't suppose everyone thinks him a cad. I + don't, personally.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, anyway,' asked Waterford, 'are you going to sign?' + </p> + <p> + 'My good man, of course I'm not. Do you mean to say you seriously intend + to hand in that piffle to Gethryn?' + </p> + <p> + 'Rather,' said Monk. + </p> + <p> + 'Then you'll be making fools of yourselves. I'll tell you exactly what'll + happen, if you care to know. Gethryn will read this rot, and simply cut + everybody whose name appears on the list out of the House team. I don't + know if you're aware of it, but there are several other fellows besides + you in the House. And if you come to think of it, you aren't so awfully + good. You three are in the Second. The other five haven't got colours at + all.' + </p> + <p> + 'Anyhow, we're all in the House team,' said Monk. + </p> + <p> + 'Don't let that worry you,' said Reece, 'you won't be long, if you show + Gethryn that interesting document. Anything else I can do for you?' + </p> + <p> + 'No, thanks,' said Monk. And the deputation retired. + </p> + <p> + When they had gone, Reece made his way to the Bishop's study. It was not + likely that the deputation would deliver their ultimatum until late at + night, when the study would be empty. From what Reece knew of Monk, he + judged that it would be pleasanter to him to leave the document where the + Bishop could find it in the morning, rather than run the risks that might + attend a personal interview. There was time, therefore, to let Gethryn + know what was going to happen, so that he might not be surprised into + doing anything rash, such as resigning the captaincy, for example. Not + that Reece thought it likely that he would, but it was better to take no + risks. + </p> + <p> + Both Marriott and Gethryn were in the study when he arrived. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> +'Hullo, Reece,' said Marriott, 'come in and take several seats. Have + a biscuit? Have two. Have a good many.' +</pre> + <p> + Reece helped himself, and gave them a brief description of the late + interview. + </p> + <p> + 'I'm not surprised,' said Gethryn, 'I thought Monk would be getting at me + somehow soon. I shall <i>have</i> to slay that chap someday. What ought I + to do, do you think?' + </p> + <p> + 'My dear chap,' said Marriott, 'there's only one thing you can do. Cut the + lot of them out of the team, and fill up with substitutes.' + </p> + <p> + Reece nodded approval. + </p> + <p> + 'Of course. That's what you must do. As a matter of fact, I told them you + would. I've given you a reputation. You must live up to it.' + </p> + <p> + 'Besides,' continued Marriott, 'after all it isn't such a crusher, when + you come to think of it. Only four of them are really certainties for + their places, Monk, Danvers, Waterford, and Saunders. The rest are simply + tail.' + </p> + <p> + Reece nodded again. 'Great minds think alike. Exactly what I told them, + only they wouldn't listen.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, whom do you suggest instead of them? Some of the kids are jolly + keen and all that, but they wouldn't be much good against Baynes and + Lorimer, for instance.' + </p> + <p> + 'If I were you,' said Marriott, 'I shouldn't think about their batting at + all. I should go simply for fielding. With a good fielding side we ought + to have quite a decent chance. There's no earthly reason why you and Reece + shouldn't put on enough for the first wicket to win all the matches. It's + been done before. Don't you remember the School House getting the cup four + years ago when Twiss was captain? They had nobody who was any earthly good + except Twiss and Birch, and those two used to make about a hundred and + fifty between them in every match. Besides, some of the kids can bat + rather well. Wilson for one. He can bowl, too.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes,' said the Bishop, 'all right. Stick down Wilson. Who else? Gregson + isn't bad. He can field in the slips, which is more than a good many chaps + can.' + </p> + <p> + 'Gregson's good,' said Reece, 'put him down. That makes five. You might + have young Lee in too. I've seen him play like a book at his form net once + or twice.' + </p> + <p> + 'Lee—six. Five more wanted. Where's a House list? Here we are. Now. + Adams, Bond, Brown, Burgess. Burgess has his points. Shall I stick him + down?' + </p> + <p> + 'Not presume to dictate,' said Marriott, 'but Adams is streets better than + Burgess as a field, and just as good a bat.' + </p> + <p> + 'Why, when have you seen him?' + </p> + <p> + 'In a scratch game between his form and another. He was carting all over + the shop. Made thirty something.' + </p> + <p> + 'We'll have both of them in, then. Plenty of room. This is the team so + far. Wilson, Gregson, Lee, Adams, and Burgess, with Marriott, Reece, and + Gethryn. Jolly hot stuff it is, too, by Jove. We'll simply walk that + tankard. Now, for the last places. I vote we each select a man, and + nobody's allowed to appeal against the other's decision. I lead off with + Crowinshaw. Good name, Crowinshaw. Look well on a score sheet.' + </p> + <p> + 'Heave us the list,' said Marriott. 'Thanks. My dear sir, there's only one + man in the running at all, which his name's Chamberlain. Shove down + Joseph, and don't let me hear anyone breathe a word against him. Come on, + Reece, let's have your man. I bet Reece selects some weird rotter.' + </p> + <p> + Reece pondered. + </p> + <p> + 'Carstairs,' he said. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, my very dear sir! Carstairs!' + </p> + <p> + 'All criticism barred,' said the Bishop. + </p> + <p> + 'Sorry. By the way, what House are we drawn against in the first round?' + </p> + <p> + 'Webster's.' + </p> + <p> + 'Ripping. We can smash Webster's. They've got nobody. It'll be rather a + good thing having an easy time in our first game. We shall be able to get + some idea about the team's play. I shouldn't think we could possibly get + beaten by Webster's.' + </p> + <p> + There was a knock at the door. Wilson came in with a request that he might + fetch a book that he had left in the study. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, Wilson, just the man I wanted to see,' said the Bishop. 'Wilson, + you're playing against Webster's next week.' + </p> + <p> + 'By Jove,' said Wilson, 'am I really?' + </p> + <p> + He had spent days in working out on little slips of paper during school + his exact chances of getting a place in the House team. Recently, however, + he had almost ceased to hope. He had reckoned on at least eight of the + senior study being chosen before him. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes,' said the Bishop, 'you must buck up. Practise fielding every minute + of your spare time. Anybody'll hit you up catches if you ask them.' + </p> + <p> + 'Right,' said Wilson, 'I will.' + </p> + <p> + 'All right, then. Go, and tell Lee that I want to see him.' + </p> + <p> + 'Lee,' said the Bishop, when that worthy appeared, 'I wanted to see you, + to tell you you're playing for the House against Webster's. Thought you + might like to know.' + </p> + <p> + 'By Jove,' said Lee, 'am I really?' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. Buck up with your fielding.' + </p> + <p> + 'Right,' said Lee. + </p> + <p> + 'That's all. If you're going downstairs, you might tell Adams to come up.' + </p> + <p> + For a quarter of an hour the Bishop interviewed the junior members of his + team, and impressed on each of them the absolute necessity of bucking up + with his fielding. And each of them protested that the matter should + receive his best consideration. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, they're keen enough anyway,' said Marriott, as the door closed + behind Carstairs, the last of the new recruits, 'and that's the great + thing. Hullo, who's that? I thought you had worked through the lot. Come + in!' + </p> + <p> + A small form appeared in the doorway, carrying in its right hand a + neatly-folded note. + </p> + <p> + 'Monk told me to give you this, Gethryn.' + </p> + <p> + 'Half a second,' said the Bishop, as the youth made for the door. 'There + may be an answer.' + </p> + <p> + 'Monk said there wouldn't be one.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh. No, it's all right. There isn't an answer.' + </p> + <p> + The door closed. The Bishop laughed, and threw the note over to Reece. + </p> + <p> + 'Recognize it?' + </p> + <p> + Reece examined the paper. + </p> + <p> + 'It's a fair copy. The one Monk showed me was rather smudged. I suppose + they thought you might be hurt if you got an inky round-robin. Considerate + chap, Monk.' + </p> + <p> + 'Let's have a look,' said Marriott. 'By Jove. I say, listen to this bit. + Like Macaulay, isn't it?' + </p> + <p> + He read extracts from the ultimatum. + </p> + <p> + 'Let's have it,' said Gethryn, stretching out a hand. + </p> + <p> + 'Not much. I'm going to keep it, and have it framed.' + </p> + <p> + 'All right. I'm going down now to put up the list.' + </p> + <p> + When he had returned to the study, Monk and Danvers came quietly + downstairs to look at the notice-board. It was dark in the passage, and + Monk had to strike a light before he could see to read. + </p> + <p> + 'By George,' he said, as the match flared up, 'Reece was right. He has.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, there's one consolation,' commented Danvers viciously, 'they can't + possibly get that cup now. They'll have to put us in again soon, you see + if they don't.' + </p> + <p> + ''M, yes,' said Monk doubtfully. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 14 — NORRIS TAKES A SHORT HOLIDAY + </h2> + <p> + 'It's all rot,' observed Pringle, 'to say that they haven't a chance, + because they have.' + </p> + <p> + He and Lorimer were passing through the cricket-field on their way back + from an early morning visit to the baths, and had stopped to look at + Leicester's House team (revised version) taking its daily hour of fielding + practice. They watched the performance keenly and critically, as spies in + an enemy's camp. + </p> + <p> + 'Who said they hadn't a chance?' said Lorimer. 'I didn't.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, everybody. The chaps call them the Kindergarten and the Kids' Happy + League, and things of that sort. Rot, I call it. They seem to forget that + you only want two or three really good men in a team if the rest can + field. Look at our crowd. They've all either got their colours, or else + are just outside the teams, and I swear you can't rely on one of them to + hold the merest sitter right into his hands.' + </p> + <p> + On the subject of fielding in general, and catching in particular, Pringle + was feeling rather sore. In the match which his House had just won against + Browning's, he had put himself on to bowl in the second innings. He was + one of those bowlers who manage to capture from six to ten wickets in the + course of a season, and the occasions on which he bowled really well were + few. On this occasion he had bowled excellently, and it had annoyed him + when five catches, five soft, gentle catches, were missed off him in the + course of four overs. As he watched the crisp, clean fielding which was + shown by the very smallest of Leicester's small 'tail', he felt that he + would rather have any of that despised eight on his side than any of the + School House lights except Baynes and Lorimer. + </p> + <p> + 'Our lot's all right, really,' said Lorimer, in answer to Pringle's + sweeping condemnation. 'Everybody has his off days. They'll be all right + next match.' + </p> + <p> + 'Doubt it,' replied Pringle. 'It's all very well for you. You bowl to hit + the sticks. I don't. Now just watch these kids for a moment. Now! Look! + No, he couldn't have got to that. Wait a second. Now!' + </p> + <p> + Gethryn had skied one into the deep. Wilson, Burgess, and Carstairs all + started for it. + </p> + <p> + 'Burgess,' called the Bishop. + </p> + <p> + The other two stopped dead. Burgess ran on and made the catch. + </p> + <p> + 'Now, there you are,' said Pringle, pointing his moral, 'see how those two + kids stopped when Gethryn called. If that had happened in one of our + matches, you'd have had half a dozen men rotting about underneath the + ball, and getting in one another's way, and then probably winding up by + everybody leaving the catch to everybody else.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, come on,' said Lorimer, 'you're getting morbid. Why the dickens + didn't you think of having our fellows out for fielding practice, if + you're so keen on it?' + </p> + <p> + 'They wouldn't have come. When a chap gets colours, he seems to think he's + bought the place. You can't drag a Second Eleven man out of his bed before + breakfast to improve his fielding. He thinks it can't be improved. They're + a heart-breaking crew.' + </p> + <p> + 'Good,' said Lorimer, 'I suppose that includes me?' + </p> + <p> + 'No. You're a model man. I have seen you hold a catch now and then.' + </p> + <p> + 'Thanks. Oh, I say, I gave in the poem yesterday. I hope the deuce it + won't get the prize. I hope they won't spot, either, that I didn't write + the thing.' + </p> + <p> + 'Not a chance,' said Pringle complacently, 'you're all right. Don't you + worry yourself.' + </p> + <p> + Webster's, against whom Leicester's had been drawn in the opening round of + the House matches, had three men in their team, and only three, who knew + how to hold a bat. It was the slackest House in the School, and always had + been. It did not cause any overwhelming surprise, accordingly, when + Leicester's beat them without fatigue by an innings and a hundred and + twenty-one runs. Webster's won the toss, and made thirty-five. For + Leicester's, Reece and Gethryn scored fifty and sixty-two respectively, + and Marriott fifty-three not out. They then, with two wickets down, + declared, and rattled Webster's out for seventy. The public, which had had + its eye on the team, in order to see how its tail was likely to shape, was + disappointed. The only definite fact that could be gleaned from the match + was that the junior members of the team were not to be despised in the + field. The early morning field-outs had had their effect. Adams especially + shone, while Wilson at cover and Burgess in the deep recalled Jessop and + Tyldesley. + </p> + <p> + The School made a note of the fact. So did the Bishop. He summoned the + eight juniors <i>seriatim</i> to his study, and administered much praise, + coupled with the news that fielding before breakfast would go on as usual. + </p> + <p> + Leicester's had drawn against Jephson's in the second round. Norris's lot + had beaten Cooke's by, curiously enough, almost exactly the same margin as + that by which Leicester's had defeated Webster's. It was generally + considered that this match would decide Leicester's chances for the cup. + If they could beat a really hot team like Jephson's, it was reasonable to + suppose that they would do the same to the rest of the Houses, though the + School House would have to be reckoned with. But the School House, as + Pringle had observed, was weak in the field. It was not a coherent team. + Individually its members were good, but they did not play together as + Leicester's did. + </p> + <p> + But the majority of the School did not think seriously of their chances. + Except for Pringle, who, as has been mentioned before, always made a point + of thinking differently from everyone else, no one really believed that + they would win the cup, or even appear in the final. How could a team + whose tail began at the fall of the second wicket defeat teams which, like + the School House, had no real tail at all? + </p> + <p> + Norris supported this view. It was for this reason that when, at breakfast + on the day on which Jephson's were due to play Leicester's, he received an + invitation from one of his many uncles to spend a weekend at his house, he + decided to accept it. + </p> + <p> + This uncle was a man of wealth. After winning two fortunes on the Stock + Exchange and losing them both, he had at length amassed a third, with + which he retired in triumph to the country, leaving Throgmorton Street to + exist as best it could without him. He had bought a 'show-place' at a + village which lay twenty miles by rail to the east of Beckford, and it had + always been Norris's wish to see this show-place, a house which was said + to combine the hoariest of antiquity with a variety of modern comforts. + </p> + <p> + Merely to pay a flying visit there would be good. But his uncle held out + an additional attraction. If Norris could catch the one-forty from Horton, + he would arrive just in time to take part in a cricket match, that day + being the day of the annual encounter with the neighbouring village of + Pudford. The rector of Pudford, the opposition captain, so wrote Norris's + uncle, had by underhand means lured down three really decent players from + Oxford—not Blues, but almost—who had come to the village + ostensibly to read classics with him as their coach, but in reality for + the sole purpose of snatching from Little Bindlebury (his own village) the + laurels they had so nobly earned the year before. He had heard that Norris + was captaining the Beckford team this year, and had an average of + thirty-eight point nought three two, so would he come and make + thirty-eight point nought three two for Little Bindlebury? + </p> + <p> + 'This,' thought Norris, 'is Fame. This is where I spread myself. I must be + in this at any price.' + </p> + <p> + He showed the letter to Baker. + </p> + <p> + 'What a pity,' said Baker. + </p> + <p> + 'What's a pity?' + </p> + <p> + 'That you won't be able to go. It seems rather a catch.' + </p> + <p> + 'Can't go?' said Norris; 'my dear sir, you're talking through your hat. + Think I'm going to refuse an invitation like this? Not if I know it. I'm + going to toddle off to Jephson, get an exeat, and catch that one-forty. + And if I don't paralyse the Pudford bowling, I'll shoot myself.' + </p> + <p> + 'But the House match! Leicester's! This afternoon!' gurgled the amazed + Baker. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, hang Leicester's. Surely the rest of you can lick the Kids' Happy + League without my help. If you can't, you ought to be ashamed of + yourselves. I've chosen you a wicket with my own hands, fit to play a test + match on.' + </p> + <p> + 'Of course we ought to lick them. But you can never tell at cricket what's + going to happen. We oughtn't to run any risks when we've got such a good + chance of winning the pot. Why, it's centuries since we won the pot. Don't + you go.' + </p> + <p> + 'I must, man. It's the chance of a lifetime.' + </p> + <p> + Baker tried another method of attack. + </p> + <p> + 'Besides,' he said, 'you don't suppose Jephson'll let you off to play in a + beastly little village game when there's a House match on?' + </p> + <p> + 'He must never know!' hissed Norris, after the manner of the Surrey-side + villain. + </p> + <p> + 'He's certain to ask why you want to get off so early.' + </p> + <p> + 'I shall tell him my uncle particularly wishes me to come early.' + </p> + <p> + 'Suppose he asks why?' + </p> + <p> + 'I shall say I can't possibly imagine.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, well, if you're going to tell lies—' + </p> + <p> + 'Not at all. Merely a diplomatic evasion. I'm not bound to go and sob out + my secrets on Jephson's waistcoat.' + </p> + <p> + Baker gave up the struggle with a sniff. Norris went to Mr Jephson and got + leave to spend the week-end at his uncle's. The interview went without a + hitch, as Norris had prophesied. + </p> + <p> + 'You will miss the House match, Norris, then?' said Mr Jephson. + </p> + <p> + 'I'm afraid so, sir. But Mr Leicester's are very weak.' + </p> + <p> + 'H'm. Reece, Marriott, and Gethryn are a good beginning.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes, sir. But they've got nobody else. Their tail starts after those + three.' + </p> + <p> + 'Very well. But it seems a pity.' + </p> + <p> + 'Thank you, sir,' said Norris, wisely refraining from discussing the + matter. He had got his exeat, which was what he had come for. + </p> + <p> + In all the annals of Pudford and Little Bindlebury cricket there had never + been such a match as that year's. The rector of Pudford and his three + Oxford experts performed prodigies with the bat, prodigies, that is to + say, judged from the standpoint of ordinary Pudford scoring, where double + figures were the exception rather than the rule. + </p> + <p> + The rector, an elderly, benevolent-looking gentleman, played with + astounding caution and still more remarkable luck for seventeen. Finally, + after he had been in an hour and ten minutes, mid-on accepted the eighth + easy chance offered to him, and the ecclesiastic had to retire. The three + 'Varsity men knocked up a hundred between them, and the complete total was + no less than a hundred and thirty-four. + </p> + <p> + Then came the sensation of the day. After three wickets had fallen for ten + runs, Norris and the Little Bindlebury curate, an old Cantab, stayed + together and knocked off the deficit. + </p> + <p> + Norris's contribution of seventy-eight not out was for many a day the sole + topic of conversation over the evening pewter at the 'Little Bindlebury + Arms'. A non-enthusiast, who tried on one occasion to introduce the topic + of Farmer Giles's grey pig, found himself the most unpopular man in the + village. + </p> + <p> + On the Monday morning Norris returned to Jephson's, with pride in his + heart and a sovereign in his pocket, the latter the gift of his excellent + uncle. + </p> + <p> + He had had, he freely admitted to himself, a good time. His uncle had done + him well, exceedingly well, and he looked forward to going to the + show-place again in the near future. In the meantime he felt a languid + desire to know how the House match was going on. They must almost have + finished the first innings, he thought—unless Jephson's had run up a + very big score, and kept their opponents in the field all the afternoon. + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo, Baker,' he said, tramping breezily into the study, 'I've had the + time of a lifetime. Great, simply! No other word for it. How's the match + getting on?' + </p> + <p> + Baker looked up from the book he was reading. + </p> + <p> + 'What match?' he enquired coldly. + </p> + <p> + 'House match, of course, you lunatic. What match did you think I meant? + How's it going on?' + </p> + <p> + 'It's not going on,' said Baker, 'it's stopped.' + </p> + <p> + 'You needn't be a funny goat,' said Norris complainingly. 'You know what I + mean. What happened on Saturday?' + </p> + <p> + 'They won the toss,' began Baker slowly. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes?' + </p> + <p> + 'And went in and made a hundred and twenty.' + </p> + <p> + 'Good. I told you they were no use. A hundred and twenty's rotten.' + </p> + <p> + 'Then we went in, and made twenty-one.' + </p> + <p> + 'Hundred and twenty-one.' + </p> + <p> + 'No. Just a simple twenty-one without any trimmings of any sort.' + </p> + <p> + 'But, man! How? Why? How on earth did it happen?' + </p> + <p> + 'Gethryn took eight for nine. Does that seem to make it any clearer?' + </p> + <p> + 'Eight for nine? Rot.' + </p> + <p> + 'Show you the score-sheet if you care to see it. In the second innings—' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, you began a second innings?' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. We also finished it. We scored rather freely in the second innings. + Ten was on the board before the fifth wicket fell. In the end we fairly + collared the bowling, and ran up a total of forty-eight.' + </p> + <p> + Norris took a seat, and tried to grapple with the situation. + </p> + <p> + 'Forty-eight! Look here, Baker, swear you're not ragging.' + </p> + <p> + Baker took a green scoring-book from the shelf and passed it to him. + </p> + <p> + 'Look for yourself,' he said. + </p> + <p> + Norris looked. He looked long and earnestly. Then he handed the book back. + </p> + <p> + 'Then they've won!' he said blankly. + </p> + <p> + 'How do you guess these things?' observed Baker with some bitterness. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, you are a crew,' said Norris. 'Getting out for twenty-one and + forty-eight! I see Gethryn got nine for thirty in the second innings. He + seems to have been on the spot. I suppose the wicket suited him.' + </p> + <p> + 'If you can call it a wicket. Next time you specially select a pitch for + the House to play on, I wish you'd hunt up something with some slight + pretensions to decency.' + </p> + <p> + 'Why, what was wrong with the pitch? It was a bit worn, that was all.' + </p> + <p> + 'If,' said Baker, 'you call having holes three inches deep just where + every ball pitches being a bit worn, I suppose it was. Anyhow, it would + have been almost as well, don't you think, if you'd stopped and played for + the House, instead of going off to your rotten village match? You were + sick enough when Gethryn went off in the M.C.C. match.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, curse,' said Norris. + </p> + <p> + For he had been hoping against hope that the parallel nature of the two + incidents would be less apparent to other people than it was to himself. + </p> + <p> + And so it came about that Leicester's passed successfully through the + first two rounds and soared into the dizzy heights of the semi-final. + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 15 — <i>VERSUS</i> CHARCHESTER (AT CHARCHESTER) + </h2> + <p> + From the fact that he had left his team so basely in the lurch on the day + of an important match, a casual observer might have imagined that Norris + did not really care very much whether his House won the cup or not. But + this was not the case. In reality the success of Jephson's was a very + important matter to him. A sudden whim had induced him to accept his + uncle's invitation, but now that that acceptance had had such disastrous + results, he felt inclined to hire a sturdy menial by the hour to kick him + till he felt better. To a person in such a frame of mind there are three + methods of consolation. He can commit suicide, he can take to drink, or he + can occupy his mind with other matters, and cure himself by fixing his + attention steadily on some object, and devoting his whole energies to the + acquisition of the same. + </p> + <p> + Norris chose the last method. On the Saturday week following his + performance for Little Bindlebury, the Beckford Eleven was due to journey + to Charchester, to play the return match against that school on their + opponents' ground, and Norris resolved that that match should be won. For + the next week the team practised assiduously, those members of it who were + not playing in House matches spending every afternoon at the nets. The + treatment was not without its effect. The team had been a good one before. + Now every one of the eleven seemed to be at the very summit of his powers. + New and hitherto unsuspected strokes began to be developed, leg glances + which recalled the Hove and Ranjitsinhji, late cuts of Palairetical + brilliance. In short, all Nature may be said to have smiled, and by the + end of the week Norris was beginning to be almost cheerful once more. And + then, on the Monday before the match, Samuel Wilberforce Gosling came to + school with his right arm in a sling. Norris met him at the School gates, + rubbed his eyes to see whether it was not after all some horrid optical + illusion, and finally, when the stern truth came home to him, almost + swooned with anguish. + </p> + <p> + 'What? How? Why?' he enquired lucidly. + </p> + <p> + The injured Samuel smiled feebly. + </p> + <p> + 'I'm fearfully sorry, Norris,' he said. + </p> + <p> + 'Don't say you can't play on Saturday,' moaned Norris. + </p> + <p> + 'Frightfully sorry. I know it's a bit of a sickener. But I don't see how I + can, really. The doctor says I shan't be able to play for a couple of + weeks.' + </p> + <p> + Now that the blow had definitely fallen, Norris was sufficiently himself + again to be able to enquire into the matter. + </p> + <p> + 'How on earth did you do it? How did it happen?' + </p> + <p> + Gosling looked guiltier than ever. + </p> + <p> + 'It was on Saturday evening,' he said. 'We were ragging about at home a + bit, you know, and my young sister wanted me to send her down a few balls. + Somebody had given her a composition bean and a bat, and she's been + awfully keen on the game ever since she got them.' + </p> + <p> + 'I think it's simply sickening the way girls want to do everything we do,' + said Norris disgustedly. + </p> + <p> + Gosling spoke for the defence. + </p> + <p> + 'Well, she's only thirteen. You can't blame the kid. Seemed to me a jolly + healthy symptom. Laudable ambition and that sort of thing.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well?' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, I sent down one or two. She played 'em like a book. Bit inclined to + pull. All girls are. So I put in a long hop on the off, and she let go at + it like Jessop. She's got a rattling stroke in mid-on's direction. Well, + the bean came whizzing back rather wide on the right. I doubled across to + bring off a beefy c-and-b, and the bally thing took me right on the tips + of the fingers. Those composition balls hurt like blazes, I can tell you. + Smashed my second finger simply into hash, and I couldn't grip a ball now + to save my life. Much less bowl. I'm awfully sorry. It's a shocking + nuisance.' + </p> + <p> + Norris agreed with him. It was more than a nuisance. It was a staggerer. + Now that Gethryn no longer figured for the First Eleven, Gosling was the + School's one hope. Baynes was good on his wicket, but the wickets he liked + were the sea-of-mud variety, and this summer fine weather had set in early + and continued. Lorimer was also useful, but not to be mentioned in the + same breath as the great Samuel. The former was good, the latter would be + good in a year or so. His proper sphere of action was the tail. If the + first pair of bowlers could dismiss five good batsmen, Lorimer's fast, + straight deliveries usually accounted for the rest. But there had to be + somebody to pave the way for him. He was essentially a change bowler. It + is hardly to be wondered at that Norris very soon began to think wistfully + of the Bishop, who was just now doing such great things with the ball, + wasting his sweetness on the desert air of the House matches. Would it be + consistent with his dignity to invite him back into the team? It was a + nice point. With some persons there might be a risk. But Gethryn, as he + knew perfectly well, was not the sort of fellow to rub in the undeniable + fact that the School team could not get along without him. He had half + decided to ask him to play against Charchester, when Gosling suggested the + very same thing. + </p> + <p> + 'Why don't you have Gethryn in again?' he said. 'You've stood him out + against the O.B.s and the Masters. Surely that's enough. Especially as + he's miles the best bowler in the School.' + </p> + <p> + 'Bar yourself.' + </p> + <p> + 'Not a bit. He can give me points. You take my tip and put him in again.' + </p> + <p> + 'Think he'd play if I put him down? Because, you know, I'm dashed if I'm + going to do any grovelling and that sort of thing.' + </p> + <p> + 'Certain to, I should think. Anyhow, it's worth trying.' + </p> + <p> + Pringle, on being consulted, gave the same opinion, and Norris was + convinced. The list went up that afternoon, and for the first time since + the M.C.C. match Gethryn's name appeared in its usual place. + </p> + <p> + 'Norris is learning wisdom in his old age,' said Marriott to the Bishop, + as they walked over to the House that evening. + </p> + <p> + Leicester's were in the middle of their semi-final, and looked like + winning it. + </p> + <p> + 'I was just wondering what to do about it,' said Gethryn. 'What would you + do? Play, do you think?' + </p> + <p> + 'Play! My dear man, what else did you propose to do? You weren't thinking + of refusing?' + </p> + <p> + 'I was.' + </p> + <p> + 'But, man! That's rank treason. If you're put down to play for the School + you must play. There's no question about it. If Norris knocked you down + with one hand and put you up on the board with the other, you'd have to + play all the same. You mustn't have any feelings where the School is + concerned. Nobody's ever refused to play in a first match. It's one of the + things you can't do. Norris hasn't given you much of a time lately, I + admit. Still, you must lump that. Excuse sermon. I hope it's done you + good.' + </p> + <p> + 'Very well. I'll play. It's rather rot, though.' + </p> + <p> + 'No, it's all right, really. It's only that you've got into a groove. + You're so used to doing the heavy martyr, that the sudden change has + knocked you out rather. Come and have an ice before the shop shuts.' + </p> + <p> + So Gethryn came once more into the team, and travelled down to Charchester + with the others. And at this point a painful alternative faces me. I have + to choose between truth and inclination. I should like to say that the + Bishop eclipsed himself, and broke all previous records in the Charchester + match. By the rules of the dramatic, nothing else is possible. But truth, + though it crush me, and truth compels me to admit that his performance was + in reality distinctly mediocre. One of his weak points as a bowler was + that he was at sea when opposed to a left-hander. Many bowlers have this + failing. Some strange power seems to compel them to bowl solely on the leg + side, and nothing but long hops and full pitches. It was so in the case of + Gethryn. Charchester won the toss, and batted first on a perfect wicket. + The first pair of batsmen were the captain, a great bat, who had scored + seventy-three not out against Beckford in the previous match, and a + left-handed fiend. Baynes's leg-breaks were useless on a wicket which, + from the hardness of it, might have been constructed of asphalt, and the + rubbish the Bishop rolled up to the left-handed artiste was painful to + witness. At four o'clock—the match had started at half-past eleven—the + Charchester captain reached his century, and was almost immediately + stumped off Baynes. The Bishop bowled the next man first ball, the one + bright spot in his afternoon's performance. Then came another long stand, + against which the Beckford bowling raged in vain. At five o'clock, + Charchester by that time having made two hundred and forty-one for two + wickets, the left-hander ran into three figures, and the captain promptly + declared the innings closed. Beckford's only chance was to play for a + draw, and in this they succeeded. When stumps were drawn at a quarter to + seven, the score was a hundred and three, and five wickets were down. The + Bishop had the satisfaction of being not out with twenty-eight to his + credit, but nothing less than a century would have been sufficient to + soothe him after his shocking bowling performance. Pringle, who during the + luncheon interval had encountered his young friends the Ashbys, and had + been duly taunted by them on the subject of leather-hunting, was top + scorer with forty-one. Norris, I regret to say, only made three, running + himself out in his second over. As the misfortune could not, by any + stretch of imagination, be laid at anybody else's door but his own, he was + decidedly savage. The team returned to Beckford rather footsore, very + disgusted, and abnormally silent. Norris sulked by himself at one end of + the saloon carriage, and the Bishop sulked by himself at the other end, + and even Marriott forbore to treat the situation lightly. It was a + mournful home-coming. No cheering wildly as the brake drove to the College + from Horton, no shouting of the School song in various keys as they passed + through the big gates. Simply silence. And except when putting him on to + bowl, or taking him off, or moving him in the field, Norris had not spoken + a word to the Bishop the whole afternoon. + </p> + <p> + It was shortly after this disaster that Mr Mortimer Wells came to stay + with the Headmaster. Mr Mortimer Wells was a brilliant and superior young + man, who was at some pains to be a cynic. He was an old pupil of the + Head's in the days before he had succeeded to the rule of Beckford. He had + the reputation of being a 'ripe' scholar, and to him had been deputed the + task of judging the poetical outbursts of the bards of the Upper Fifth, + with the object of awarding to the most deserving—or, perhaps, to + the least undeserving—the handsome prize bequeathed by his + open-handed highness, the Rajah of Seltzerpore. + </p> + <p> + This gentleman sat with his legs stretched beneath the Headmaster's + generous table. Dinner had come to an end, and a cup of coffee, acting in + co-operation with several glasses of port and an excellent cigar, had + inspired him to hold forth on the subject of poetry prizes. He held forth. + </p> + <p> + 'The poetry prize system,' said he—it is astonishing what nonsense a + man, ordinarily intelligent, will talk after dinner—'is on exactly + the same principle as those penny-in-the-slot machines that you see at + stations. You insert your penny. You set your prize subject. In the former + case you hope for wax vestas, and you get butterscotch. In the latter, you + hope for something at least readable, and you get the most complete, + terrible, uninspired twaddle that was ever written on paper. The boy mind'—here + the ash of his cigar fell off on to his waistcoat—'the merely boy + mind is incapable of poetry.' + </p> + <p> + From which speech the shrewd reader will infer that Mr Mortimer Wells was + something of a prig. And perhaps, altogether shrewd reader, you're right. + </p> + <p> + Mr Lawrie, the master of the Sixth, who had been asked to dinner to meet + the great man, disagreed as a matter of principle. He was one of those men + who will take up a cause from pure love of argument. + </p> + <p> + 'I think you're wrong, sir. I'm perfectly convinced you're wrong.' + </p> + <p> + Mr Wells smiled in his superior way, as if to say that it was a pity that + Mr Lawrie was so foolish, but that perhaps he could not help it. + </p> + <p> + 'Ah,' he said, 'but you have not had to wade through over thirty of these + gems in a single week. I have. I can assure you your views would undergo a + change if you could go through what I have. Let me read you a selection. + If that does not convert you, nothing will. If you will excuse me for a + moment, Beckett, I will leave the groaning board, and fetch the + manuscripts.' + </p> + <p> + He left the room, and returned with a pile of paper, which he deposited in + front of him on the table. + </p> + <p> + 'Now,' he said, selecting the topmost manuscript, 'I will take no unfair + advantage. I will read you the very pick of the bunch. None of the other—er—poems + come within a long way of this. It is a case of Eclipse first and the rest + nowhere. The author, the gifted author, is a boy of the name of Lorimer, + whom I congratulate on taking the Rajah's prize. I drain this cup of + coffee to him. Are you ready? Now, then.' + </p> + <p> + He cleared his throat. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 16 — A DISPUTED AUTHORSHIP + </h2> + <p> + 'One moment,' said Mr Lawrie, 'might I ask what is the subject of the + poem?' + </p> + <p> + 'Death of Dido,' said the Headmaster. 'Good, hackneyed, evergreen subject, + mellow with years. Go on, Wells.' + </p> + <p> + Mr Wells began. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Queen of Tyre, ancient Tyre, + Whilom mistress of the wave. +</pre> + <p> + Mr Lawrie, who had sunk back into the recesses of his chair in an attitude + of attentive repose, sat up suddenly with a start. + </p> + <p> + 'What!' he cried. + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo,' said Mr Wells, 'has the beauty of the work come home to you + already?' + </p> + <p> + 'You notice,' he said, as he repeated the couplet, 'that flaws begin to + appear in the gem right from the start. It was rash of Master Lorimer to + attempt such a difficult metre. Plucky, but rash. He should have stuck to + blank verse. Tyre, you notice, two syllables to rhyme with "deny her" in + line three. "What did fortune e'er deny her? Were not all her warriors + brave?" That last line seems to me distinctly weak. I don't know how it + strikes you.' + </p> + <p> + 'You're hypercritical, Wells,' said the Head. 'Now, for a boy I consider + that a very good beginning. What do you say, Lawrie?' + </p> + <p> + 'I—er. Oh, I think I am hardly a judge.' + </p> + <p> + 'To resume,' said Mr Mortimer Wells. He resumed, and ran through the + remaining verses of the poem with comments. When he had finished, he + remarked that, in his opinion a whiff of fresh air would not hurt him. If + the Headmaster would excuse him, he would select another of those + excellent cigars, and smoke it out of doors. + </p> + <p> + 'By all means,' said the Head; 'I think I won't join you myself, but + perhaps Lawrie will.' + </p> + <p> + 'No, thank you. I think I will remain. Yes, I think I will remain.' + </p> + <p> + Mr Wells walked jauntily out of the room. When the door had shut, Mr + Lawrie coughed nervously. + </p> + <p> + 'Another cigar, Lawrie?' + </p> + <p> + 'I—er—no, thank you. I want to ask you a question. What is + your candid opinion of those verses Mr Wells was reading just now?' + </p> + <p> + The Headmaster laughed. + </p> + <p> + 'I don't think Wells treated them quite fairly. In my opinion they were + distinctly promising. For a boy in the Upper Fifth, you understand. Yes, + on the whole they showed distinct promise.' + </p> + <p> + 'They were mine,' said Mr Lawrie. + </p> + <p> + 'Yours! I don't understand. How were they yours?' + </p> + <p> + 'I wrote them. Every word of them.' + </p> + <p> + 'You wrote them! But, my dear Lawrie—' + </p> + <p> + 'I don't wonder that you are surprised. For my own part I am amazed, + simply amazed. How the boy—I don't even remember his name—contrived + to get hold of them, I have not the slightest conception. But that he did + so contrive is certain. The poem is word for word, literally word for + word, the same as one which I wrote when I was at Cambridge.' + </p> + <p> + 'You don't say so!' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes. It can hardly be a coincidence.' + </p> + <p> + 'Hardly,' said the Head. 'Are you certain of this?' + </p> + <p> + 'Perfectly certain. I am not eager to claim the authorship, I can assure + you, especially after Mr Wells's very outspoken criticisms, but there is + nothing else to be done. The poem appeared more than a dozen years ago, in + a small book called <i>The Dark Horse</i>.' + </p> + <p> + 'Ah! Something in the Whyte Melville style, I suppose?' + </p> + <p> + 'No,' said Mr Lawrie sharply. 'No. Certainly not. They were serious poems, + tragical most of them. I had them collected, and published them at my own + expense. Very much at my own expense. I used a pseudonym, I am thankful to + say. As far as I could ascertain, the total sale amounted to eight copies. + I have never felt the very slightest inclination to repeat the + performance. But how this boy managed to see the book is more than I can + explain. He can hardly have bought it. The price was half-a-guinea. And + there is certainly no copy in the School library. The thing is a mystery.' + </p> + <p> + 'A mystery that must be solved,' said the Headmaster. 'The fact remains + that he did see the book, and it is very serious. Wholesale plagiarism of + this description should be kept for the School magazine. It should not be + allowed to spread to poetry prizes. I must see Lorimer about this + tomorrow. Perhaps he can throw some light upon the matter.' + </p> + <p> + When, in the course of morning school next day, the School porter entered + the Upper Fifth form-room and informed Mr Sims, who was engaged in trying + to drive the beauties of Plautus' colloquial style into the Upper Fifth + brain, that the Headmaster wished to see Lorimer, Lorimer's conscience was + so abnormally good that for the life of him he could not think why he had + been sent for. As far as he could remember, there was no possible way in + which the authorities could get at him. If he had been in the habit of + smoking out of bounds in lonely fields and deserted barns, he might have + felt uneasy. But whatever his failings, that was not one of them. It could + not be anything about bounds, because he had been so busy with cricket + that he had had no time to break them this term. He walked into the + presence, glowing with conscious rectitude. And no sooner was he inside + than the Headmaster, with three simple words, took every particle of + starch out of his anatomy. + </p> + <p> + 'Sit down, Lorimer,' he said. + </p> + <p> + There are many ways of inviting a person to seat himself. The genial 'take + a pew' of one's equal inspires confidence. The raucous 'sit down in front' + of the frenzied pit, when you stand up to get a better view of the stage, + is not so pleasant. But worst of all is the icy 'sit down' of the annoyed + headmaster. In his mouth the words take to themselves new and sinister + meanings. They seem to accuse you of nameless crimes, and to warn you that + anything you may say will be used against you as evidence. + </p> + <p> + 'Why have I sent for you, Lorimer?' + </p> + <p> + A nasty question that, and a very favourite one of the Rev. Mr Beckett, + Headmaster of Beckford. In nine cases out of ten, the person addressed, + paralysed with nervousness, would give himself away upon the instant, and + confess everything. Lorimer, however, was saved by the fact that he had + nothing to confess. He stifled an inclination to reply 'because the + woodpecker would peck her', or words to that effect, and maintained a + pallid silence. + </p> + <p> + 'Have you ever heard of a book called <i>The Dark Horse</i>, Lorimer?' + </p> + <p> + Lorimer began to feel that the conversation was too deep for him. After + opening in the conventional 'judge-then-placed-the-black-cap-on-his-head' + manner, his assailant had suddenly begun to babble lightly of sporting + literature. He began to entertain doubts of the Headmaster's sanity. It + would not have added greatly to his mystification if the Head had gone on + to insist that he was the Emperor of Peru, and worked solely by + electricity. + </p> + <p> + The Headmaster, for his part, was also surprised. He had worked for + dismay, conscious guilt, confessions, and the like, instead of blank + amazement. He, too, began to have his doubts. Had Mr Lawrie been mistaken? + It was not likely, but it was barely possible. In which case the interview + had better be brought to an abrupt stop until he had made inquiries. The + situation was at a deadlock. + </p> + <p> + Fortunately at this point half-past twelve struck, and the bell rang for + the end of morning school. The situation was saved, and the tension + relaxed. + </p> + <p> + 'You may go, Lorimer,' said the Head, 'I will send for you later.' + </p> + <p> + He swept out of the room, and Lorimer raced over to the House to inform + Pringle that the Headmaster had run suddenly mad, and should by rights be + equipped with a strait-waistcoat. + </p> + <p> + 'You never saw such a man,' he said, 'hauled me out of school in the + middle of a Plautus lesson, dumps me down in a chair, and then asks me if + I've read some weird sporting novel or other.' + </p> + <p> + 'Sporting novel! My dear man!' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, it sounded like it from the title.' + </p> + <p> + 'The title. Oh!' + </p> + <p> + 'What's up?' + </p> + <p> + Pringle had leaped to his feet as if he had suddenly discovered that he + was sitting on something red-hot. His normal air of superior calm had + vanished. He was breathless with excitement. A sudden idea had struck him + with the force of a bullet. + </p> + <p> + 'What was the title he asked you if you'd read the book of?' he demanded + incoherently. + </p> + <p> + '<i>The Derby Winner</i>.' + </p> + <p> + Pringle sat down again, relieved. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh. Are you certain?' + </p> + <p> + 'No, of course it wasn't that. I was only ragging. The real title was <i>The + Dark Horse</i>. Hullo, what's up now? Have you got 'em too?' + </p> + <p> + 'What's up? I'll tell you. We're done for. Absolutely pipped. That's + what's the matter.' + </p> + <p> + 'Hang it, man, do give us a chance. Why can't you explain, instead of + sitting there talking like that? Why are we done? What have we done, + anyway?' + </p> + <p> + 'The poem, of course, the prize poem. I forgot, I never told you. I hadn't + time to write anything of my own, so I cribbed it straight out of a book + called <i>The Dark Horse</i>. Now do you see?' + </p> + <p> + Lorimer saw. He grasped the whole unpainted beauty of the situation in a + flash, and for some moments it rendered him totally unfit for intellectual + conversation. When he did speak his observation was brief, but it teemed + with condensed meaning. It was the conversational parallel to the ox in + the tea-cup. + </p> + <p> + 'My aunt!' he said. + </p> + <p> + 'There'll be a row about this,' said Pringle. + </p> + <p> + 'What am I to say when he has me in this afternoon? He said he would.' + </p> + <p> + 'Let the whole thing out. No good trying to hush it up. He may let us down + easy if you're honest about it.' + </p> + <p> + It relieved Lorimer to hear Pringle talk about 'us'. It meant that he was + not to be left to bear the assault alone. Which, considering that the + whole trouble was, strictly speaking, Pringle's fault, was only just. + </p> + <p> + 'But how am I to explain? I can't reel off a long yarn all about how you + did it all, and so on. It would be too low.' + </p> + <p> + 'I know,' said Pringle, 'I've got it. Look here, on your way to the Old + Man's room you pass the Remove door. Well, when you pass, drop some money. + I'll be certain to hear it, as I sit next the door. And then I'll ask to + leave the room, and we'll go up together.' + </p> + <p> + 'Good man, Pringle, you're a genius. Thanks, awfully.' + </p> + <p> + But as it happened, this crafty scheme was not found necessary. The blow + did not fall till after lock-up. + </p> + <p> + Lorimer being in the Headmaster's House, it was possible to interview him + without the fuss and advertisement inseparable from a 'sending for during + school'. Just as he was beginning his night-work, the butler came with a + message that he was wanted in the Headmaster's part of the House. + </p> + <p> + 'It was only Mr Lorimer as the master wished to see,' said the butler, as + Pringle rose to accompany his companion in crime. + </p> + <p> + 'That's all right,' said Pringle, 'the Headmaster's always glad to see me. + I've got a standing invitation. He'll understand.' + </p> + <p> + At first, when he saw two where he had only sent for one, the Headmaster + did not understand at all, and said so. He had prepared to annihilate + Lorimer hip and thigh, for he was now convinced that his blank + astonishment at the mention of <i>The Dark Horse</i> during their previous + interview had been, in the words of the bard, a mere veneer, a wile of + guile. Since the morning he had seen Mr Lawrie again, and had with his own + eyes compared the two poems, the printed and the written, the author by + special request having hunted up a copy of that valuable work, <i>The Dark + Horse</i>, from the depths of a cupboard in his rooms. + </p> + <p> + His astonishment melted before Pringle's explanation, which was brief and + clear, and gave way to righteous wrath. In well-chosen terms he harangued + the two criminals. Finally he perorated. + </p> + <p> + 'There is only one point which tells in your favour. You have not + attempted concealment.' (Pringle nudged Lorimer surreptitiously at this.) + 'And I may add that I believe that, as you say, you did not desire + actually to win the prize by underhand means. But I cannot overlook such + an offence. It is serious. Most serious. You will, both of you, go into + extra lesson for the remaining Saturdays of the term.' + </p> + <p> + Extra lesson meant that instead of taking a half-holiday on Saturday like + an ordinary law-abiding individual, you treated the day as if it were a + full-school day, and worked from two till four under the eye of the + Headmaster. Taking into consideration everything, the punishment was not + an extraordinarily severe one, for there were only two more Saturdays to + the end of term, and the sentence made no mention of the Wednesday + half-holidays. + </p> + <p> + But in effect it was serious indeed. It meant that neither Pringle nor + Lorimer would be able to play in the final House match against + Leicester's, which was fixed to begin on the next Saturday at two o'clock. + Among the rules governing the House matches was one to the effect that no + House might start a match with less than eleven men, nor might the Eleven + be changed during the progress of the match—a rule framed by the + Headmaster, not wholly without an eye to emergencies like the present. + </p> + <p> + 'Thank goodness,' said Pringle, 'that there aren't any more First matches. + It's bad enough, though, by Jove, as it is. I suppose it's occurred to you + that this cuts us out of playing in the final?' + </p> + <p> + Lorimer said the point had not escaped his notice. + </p> + <p> + 'I wish,' he observed, with simple pathos, 'that I'd got the Rajah of + Seltzerpore here now. I'd strangle him. I wonder if the Old Man realizes + that he's done his own House out of the cup?' + </p> + <p> + 'Wouldn't care if he did. Still, it's a sickening nuisance. Leicester's + are a cert now.' + </p> + <p> + 'Absolute cert,' said Lorimer; 'Baynes can't do all the bowling, + especially on a hard wicket, and there's nobody else. As for our batting + and fielding—' + </p> + <p> + 'Don't,' said-Pringle gloomily, 'it's too awful.' + </p> + <p> + On the following Saturday, Leicester's ran up a total in their first + innings which put the issue out of doubt, and finished off the game on the + Monday by beating the School House by six wickets. <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0017" id="link2H_4_0017"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 17 — THE WINTER TERM + </h2> + <p> + It was the first day of the winter term. + </p> + <p> + The Bishop, as he came back by express, could not help feeling that, after + all, life considered as an institution had its points. Things had mended + steadily during the last weeks of the term. He had kept up his end as head + of the House perfectly. The internal affairs of Leicester's were going as + smoothly as oil. And there was the cricket cup to live up to. Nothing + pulls a House together more than beating all comers in the field, + especially against odds, as Leicester's had done. And then Monk and + Danvers had left. That had set the finishing touch to a good term's work. + The Mob were no longer a power in the land. Waterford remained, but a + subdued, benevolent Waterford, with a wonderful respect for law and order. + Yes, as far as the House was concerned, Gethryn felt no apprehensions. As + regarded the School at large, things were bound to come right in time. A + school has very little memory. And in the present case the Bishop, being + second man in the Fifteen, had unusual opportunities of righting himself + in the eyes of the multitude. In the winter term cricket is forgotten. + Football is the only game that counts. + </p> + <p> + And to round off the whole thing, when he entered his study he found a + letter on the table. It was from Farnie, and revealed two curious and + interesting facts. Firstly he had left, and Beckford was to know him no + more. Secondly—this was even more remarkable—he possessed a + conscience. + </p> + <p> + 'Dear Gethryn,' ran the letter, 'I am writing to tell you my father is + sending me to a school in France, so I shall not come back to Beckford. I + am sorry about the M.C.C. match, and I enclose the four pounds you lent + me. I utterly bar the idea of going to France. It's beastly, yours truly, + R. Farnie.' + </p> + <p> + The money mentioned was in the shape of a cheque, signed by Farnie senior. + </p> + <p> + Gethryn was distinctly surprised. That all this time remorse like a worm + i' the bud should have been feeding upon his uncle's damask cheek, as it + were, he had never suspected. His relative's demeanour since the M.C.C. + match had, it is true, been considerably toned down, but this he had + attributed to natural causes, not unnatural ones like conscience. As for + the four pounds, he had set it down as a bad debt. To get it back was like + coming suddenly into an unexpected fortune. He began to think that there + must have been some good in Farnie after all, though he was fain to admit + that without the aid of a microscope the human eye might well have been + excused for failing to detect it. + </p> + <p> + His next thought was that there was nothing now to prevent him telling the + whole story to Reece and Marriott. Reece, if anybody, deserved to have his + curiosity satisfied. The way in which he had abstained from questions at + the time of the episode had been nothing short of magnificent. Reece must + certainly be told. + </p> + <p> + Neither Reece nor Marriott had arrived at the moment. Both were in the + habit of returning at the latest possible hour, except at the beginning of + the summer term. The Bishop determined to reserve his story until the + following evening. + </p> + <p> + Accordingly, when the study kettle was hissing on the Etna, and Wilson was + crouching in front of the fire, making toast in his own inimitable style, + he embarked upon his narrative. + </p> + <p> + 'I say, Marriott.' + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo.' + </p> + <p> + 'Do you notice a subtle change in me this term? Does my expressive purple + eye gleam more brightly than of yore? It does. Exactly so. I feel awfully + bucked up. You know that kid Farnie has left?' + </p> + <p> + 'I thought I missed his merry prattle. What's happened to him?' + </p> + <p> + 'Gone to a school in France somewhere.' + </p> + <p> + 'Jolly for France.' + </p> + <p> + 'Awfully. But the point is that now he's gone I can tell you about that + M.C.C. match affair. I know you want to hear what really did happen that + afternoon.' + </p> + <p> + Marriott pointed significantly at Wilson, whose back was turned. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, that's all right,' said Gethryn. 'Wilson.' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes?' + </p> + <p> + 'You mustn't listen. Try and think you're a piece of furniture. See? And + if you do happen to overhear anything, you needn't go gassing about it. + Follow?' + </p> + <p> + 'All right,' said Wilson, and Gethryn told his tale. + </p> + <p> + 'Jove,' he said, as he finished, 'that's a relief. It's something to have + got that off my chest. I do bar keeping a secret.' + </p> + <p> + 'But, I say,' said Marriott. + </p> + <p> + 'Well?' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, it was beastly good of you to do it, and that sort of thing, I + suppose. I see that all right. But, my dear man, what a rotten thing to + do. A kid like that. A little beast who simply cried out for sacking.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, at any rate, it's over now. You needn't jump on me. I acted from + the best motives. That's what my grandfather, Farnie's <i>pater</i>, you + know, always used to say when he got at me for anything in the happy days + of my childhood. Don't sit there looking like a beastly churchwarden, you + ass. Buck up, and take an intelligent interest in things.' + </p> + <p> + 'No, but really, Bishop,' said Marriott, 'you must treat this seriously. + You'll have to let the other chaps know about it.' + </p> + <p> + 'How? Put it up on the notice-board? This is to certify that Mr Allan + Gethryn, of Leicester's House, Beckford, is dismissed without a stain on + his character. You ass, how can I let them know? I seem to see myself + doing the boy-hero style of things. My friends, you wronged me, you + wronged me very grievously. But I forgive you. I put up with your cruel + scorn. I endured it. I steeled myself against it. And now I forgive you + profusely, every one of you. Let us embrace. It wouldn't do. You must see + that much. Don't be a goat. Is that toast done yet, Wilson?' + </p> + <p> + Wilson exhibited several pounds of the article in question. + </p> + <p> + 'Good,' said the Bishop. 'You're a great man, Wilson. You can make a small + selection of those biscuits, and if you bag all the sugar ones I'll slay + you, and then you can go quietly downstairs, and rejoin your sorrowing + friends. And don't you go telling them what I've been saying.' + </p> + <p> + 'Rather not,' said Wilson. + </p> + <p> + He made his small selection, and retired. The Bishop turned to Marriott + again. + </p> + <p> + 'I shall tell Reece, because he deserves it, and I rather think I shall + tell Gosling and Pringle. Nobody else, though. What's the good of it? + Everybody'll forget the whole thing by next season.' + </p> + <p> + 'How about Norris?' asked Marriott. + </p> + <p> + 'Now there you have touched the spot. I can't possibly tell Norris myself. + My natural pride is too enormous. Descended from a primordial atomic + globule, you know, like Pooh Bah. And I shook hands with a duke once. The + man Norris and I, I regret to say, had something of a row on the subject + last term. We parted with mutual expressions of hate, and haven't spoken + since. What I should like would be for somebody else to tell him all about + it. Not you. It would look too much like a put-up job. So don't you go + saying anything. Swear.' + </p> + <p> + 'Why not?' + </p> + <p> + 'Because you mustn't. Swear. Let me hear you swear by the bones of your + ancestors.' + </p> + <p> + 'All right. I call it awful rot, though.' + </p> + <p> + 'Can't be helped. Painful but necessary. Now I'm going to tell Reece, + though I don't expect he'll remember anything about it. Reece never + remembers anything beyond his last meal.' + </p> + <p> + 'Idiot,' said Marriott after him as the door closed. 'I don't know, + though,' he added to himself. + </p> + <p> + And, pouring himself out another cup of tea, he pondered deeply over the + matter. + </p> + <p> + Reece heard the news without emotion. + </p> + <p> + 'You're a good sort, Bishop,' he said, 'I knew something of the kind must + have happened. It reminds me of a thing that happened to—' + </p> + <p> + 'Yes, it is rather like it, isn't it?' said the Bishop. 'By the way, + talking about stories, a chap I met in the holidays told me a ripper. You + see, this chap and his brother—' + </p> + <p> + He discoursed fluently for some twenty minutes. Reece sighed softly, but + made no attempt to resume his broken narrative. He was used to this sort + of thing. + </p> + <p> + It was a fortnight later, and Marriott and the Bishop were once more + seated in their study waiting for Wilson to get tea ready. Wilson made + toast in the foreground. Marriott was in football clothes, rubbing his + shin gently where somebody had kicked it in the scratch game that + afternoon. After rubbing for a few moments in silence, he spoke suddenly. + </p> + <p> + 'You must tell Norris,' he said. 'It's all rot.' + </p> + <p> + 'I can't.' + </p> + <p> + 'Then I shall.' + </p> + <p> + 'No, don't. You swore you wouldn't.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, but look here. I just want to ask you one question. What sort of a + time did you have in that scratch game tonight?' + </p> + <p> + 'Beastly. I touched the ball exactly four times. If I wasn't so awfully + ornamental, I don't see what would be the use of my turning out at all. + I'm no practical good to the team.' + </p> + <p> + 'Exactly. That's just what I wanted to get at. I don't mean your remark + about your being ornamental, but about your never touching the ball. Until + you explain matters to Norris, you never will get a decent pass. Norris + and you are a rattling good pair of centre threes, but if he never gives + you a pass, I don't see how we can expect to have any combination in the + First. It's no good my slinging out the ball if the centres stick to it + like glue directly they get it, and refuse to give it up. It's simply + sickening.' + </p> + <p> + Marriott played half for the First Fifteen, and his soul was in the + business. + </p> + <p> + 'But, my dear chap,' said Gethryn, 'you don't mean to tell me that a man + like Norris would purposely rot up the First's combination because he + happened to have had a row with the other centre. He's much too decent a + fellow.' + </p> + <p> + 'No. I don't mean that exactly. What he does is this. I've watched him. He + gets the ball. He runs with it till his man is on him, and then he thinks + of passing. You're backing him up. He sees you, and says to himself, "I + can't pass to that cad"—' + </p> + <p> + 'Meaning me?' + </p> + <p> + 'Meaning you.' + </p> + <p> + 'Thanks awfully.' + </p> + <p> + 'Don't mention it. I'm merely quoting his thoughts, as deduced by me. He + says, "I can't pass to that—well, individual, if you prefer it. + Where's somebody else?" So he hesitates, and gets tackled, or else slings + the ball wildly out to somebody who can't possibly get to it. It's simply + infernal. And we play the Nomads tomorrow, too. Something must be done.' + </p> + <p> + 'Somebody ought to tell him. Why doesn't our genial skipper assert his + authority?' + </p> + <p> + 'Hill's a forward, you see, and doesn't get an opportunity of noticing it. + I can't tell him, of course. I've not got my colours—' + </p> + <p> + 'You're a cert. for them.' + </p> + <p> + 'Hope so. Anyway, I've not got them yet, and Norris has, so I can't very + well go slanging him to Hill. Sort of thing rude people would call side.' + </p> + <p> + 'Well, I'll look out tomorrow, and if it's as bad as you think, I'll speak + to Hill. It's a beastly thing to have to do.' + </p> + <p> + 'Beastly,' agreed Marriott. 'It's got to be done, though. We can't go + through the season without any combination in the three-quarter line, just + to spare Norris's feelings.' + </p> + <p> + 'It's a pity, though,' said the Bishop, 'because Norris is a ripping good + sort of chap, really. I wish we hadn't had that bust-up last term.' <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0018" id="link2H_4_0018"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + 18 — THE BISHOP SCORES + </h2> + <p> + At this point Wilson finished the toast, and went out. As he went he + thought over what he had just heard. Marriott and Gethryn frequently + talked the most important School politics before him, for they had + discovered at an early date that he was a youth of discretion, who could + be trusted not to reveal state secrets. But matters now seemed to demand + such a revelation. It was a serious thing to do, but there was nobody else + to do it, and it obviously must be done, so, by a simple process of + reasoning, he ought to do it. Half an hour had to elapse before the bell + rang for lock-up. There was plenty of time to do the whole thing and get + back to the House before the door was closed. He took his cap, and trotted + off to Jephson's. + </p> + <p> + Norris was alone in his study when Wilson knocked at the door. He seemed + surprised to see his visitor. He knew Wilson well by sight, he being + captain of the First Eleven and Wilson a distinctly promising junior bat, + but this was the first time he had ever exchanged a word of conversation + with him. + </p> + <p> + 'Hullo,' he said, putting down his book. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, I say, Norris,' began Wilson nervously, 'can I speak to you for a + minute?' + </p> + <p> + 'All right. Go ahead.' + </p> + <p> + After two false starts, Wilson at last managed to get the thread of his + story. He did not mention Marriott's remarks on football subjects, but + confined himself to the story of Farnie and the bicycle ride, as he had + heard it from Gethryn on the second evening of the term. + </p> + <p> + 'So that's how it was, you see,' he concluded. + </p> + <p> + There was a long silence. Wilson sat nervously on the edge of his chair, + and Norris stared thoughtfully into the fire. + </p> + <p> + 'So shall I tell him it's all right?' asked Wilson at last. + </p> + <p> + 'Tell who what's all right?' asked Norris politely. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, er, Gethryn, you know,' replied Wilson, slightly disconcerted. He had + had a sort of idea that Norris would have rushed out of the room, sprinted + over to Leicester's, and flung himself on the Bishop's bosom in an agony + of remorse. He appeared to be taking things altogether too coolly. + </p> + <p> + 'No,' said Norris, 'don't tell him anything. I shall have lots of chances + of speaking to him myself if I want to. It isn't as if we were never going + to meet again. You'd better cut now. There's the bell just going. Good + night.' + </p> + <p> + 'Good night, Norris.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, and, I say,' said Norris, as Wilson opened the door, 'I meant to tell + you some time ago. If you buck up next cricket season, it's quite possible + that you'll get colours of some sort. You might bear that in mind.' + </p> + <p> + 'I will,' said Wilson fervently. 'Good night, Norris. Thanks awfully.' + </p> + <p> + The Nomads brought down a reasonably hot team against Beckford as a + general rule, for the School had a reputation in the football world. They + were a big lot this year. Their forwards looked capable, and when, after + the School full-back had returned the ball into touch on the half-way + line, the line-out had resulted in a hand-ball and a scrum, they proved + that appearances were not deceptive. They broke through in a solid mass—the + Beckford forwards never somehow seemed to get together properly in the + first scrum of a big match—and rushed the ball down the field. + Norris fell on it. Another hastily-formed scrum, and the Nomads' front + rank was off again. Ten yards nearer the School line there was another + halt. Grainger, the Beckford full-back, whose speciality was the stopping + of rushes, had curled himself neatly round the ball. Then the School + forwards awoke to a sense of their responsibilities. It was time they did, + for Beckford was now penned up well within its own twenty-five line, and + the Nomad halves were appealing pathetically to their forwards to let that + ball out, for goodness' <i>sake</i>. But the forwards fancied a combined + rush was the thing to play. For a full minute they pushed the School pack + towards their line, and then some rash enthusiast kicked a shade too hard. + The ball dribbled out of the scrum on the School side, and Marriott punted + into touch. + </p> + <p> + 'You <i>must</i> let it out, you men,' said the aggrieved half-backs. + </p> + <p> + Marriott's kick had not brought much relief. The visitors were still + inside the Beckford twenty-five line, and now that their forwards had + realized the sin and folly of trying to rush the ball through, matters + became decidedly warm for the School outsides. Norris and Gethryn in the + centre and Grainger at back performed prodigies of tackling. The wing + three-quarter hovered nervously about, feeling that their time might come + at any moment. + </p> + <p> + The Nomad attack was concentrated on the extreme right. + </p> + <p> + Philips, the International, was officiating for them as + wing-three-quarters on that side, and they played to him. If he once got + the ball he would take a considerable amount of stopping. But the ball + never managed to arrive. Norris and Gethryn stuck to their men closer than + brothers. + </p> + <p> + A prolonged struggle on the goal-line is a great spectacle. That is why + (purely in the opinion of the present scribe) Rugby is such a much better + game than Association. You don't get that sort of thing in Soccer. But + such struggles generally end in the same way. The Nomads were now within a + couple of yards of the School line. It was a question of time. In three + minutes the whistle would blow for half-time, and the School would be + saved. + </p> + <p> + But in those three minutes the thing happened. For the first time in the + match the Nomad forwards heeled absolutely cleanly. Hitherto, the ball had + always remained long enough in the scrum to give Marriott and Wogan, the + School halves, time to get round and on to their men before they could + become dangerous. But this time the ball was in and out again in a moment. + The Nomad half who was taking the scrum picked it up, and was over the + line before Marriott realized that the ball was out at all. The school + lining the ropes along the touch-line applauded politely but feebly, as + was their custom when the enemy scored. + </p> + <p> + The kick was a difficult one—the man had got over in the corner—and + failed. The referee blew his whistle for half-time. The teams sucked + lemons, and the Beckford forwards tried to explain to Hill, the captain, + why they never got that ball in the scrums. Hill having observed bitterly, + as he did in every match when the School did not get thirty points in the + first half, that he 'would chuck the whole lot of them out next Saturday', + the game recommenced. + </p> + <p> + Beckford started on the second half with three points against them, but + with both wind, what there was of it, and slope in their favour. Three + points, especially in a club match, where one's opponents may reasonably + be expected to suffer from lack of training and combination, is not an + overwhelming score. + </p> + <p> + Beckford was hopeful and determined. + </p> + <p> + To record all the fluctuations of the game for the next thirty-five + minutes is unnecessary. Copies of <i>The Beckfordian</i> containing a full + report, crammed with details, and written in the most polished English, + may still be had from the editor at the modest price of sixpence. Suffice + it to say that two minutes from the kick-off the Nomads increased their + score with a goal from a mark, and almost immediately afterwards Marriott + gave the School their first score with a neat drop-kick. It was about five + minutes from the end of the game, and the Nomads still led, when the event + of the afternoon took place. The Nomad forwards had brought the ball down + the ground with one of their combined dribbles, and a scrum had been + formed on the Beckford twenty-five line. The visitors heeled as usual. The + half who was taking the scrum whipped the ball out in the direction of his + colleague. But before it could reach him, Wogan had intercepted the pass, + and was off down the field, through the enemy's three-quarter line, with + only the back in front of him, and with Norris in close attendance, + followed by Gethryn. + </p> + <p> + There is nothing like an intercepted pass for adding a dramatic touch to a + close game. A second before it had seemed as though the School must be + beaten, for though they would probably have kept the enemy out for the few + minutes that remained, they could never have worked the ball down the + field by ordinary give-and-take play. And now, unless Wogan shamefully + bungled what he had begun so well, victory was certain. + </p> + <p> + There was a danger, though. Wogan might in the excitement of the moment + try to get past the back and score himself, instead of waiting until the + back was on him and then passing to Norris. The School on the touch-line + shrieked their applause, but there was a note of anxiety as well. A slight + reputation which Wogan had earned for playing a selfish game sprang up + before their eyes. Would he pass? Or would he run himself? If the latter, + the odds were anything against his succeeding. + </p> + <p> + But everything went right. Wogan arrived at the back, drew that + gentleman's undivided attention to himself, and then slung the ball out to + Norris, the model of what a pass ought to be. Norris made no mistake about + it. + </p> + <p> + Then the remarkable thing happened. The Bishop, having backed Norris up + for fifty yards at full speed, could not stop himself at once. His impetus + carried him on when all need for expenditure of energy had come to an end. + He was just slowing down, leaving Norris to complete the thing alone, when + to his utter amazement he found the ball in his hands. Norris had passed + to him. With a clear run in, and the nearest foeman yards to the rear, + Norris had passed. It was certainly weird, but his first duty was to + score. There must be no mistake about the scoring. Afterwards he could do + any thinking that might be required. He shot at express speed over the + line, and placed the ball in the exact centre of the white line which + joined the posts. Then he walked back to where Norris was waiting for him. + </p> + <p> + 'Good man,' said Norris, 'that was awfully good.' + </p> + <p> + His tone was friendly. He spoke as he had been accustomed to speak before + the M.C.C. match. Gethryn took his cue from him. It was evident that, for + reasons at present unexplained, Norris wished for peace, and such being + the case, the Bishop was only too glad to oblige him. + </p> + <p> + 'No,' he said, 'it was jolly good of you to let me in like that. Why, + you'd only got to walk over.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, I don't know. I might have slipped or something. Anyhow I thought I'd + better pass. What price Beckford combination? The home-made article, eh?' + </p> + <p> + 'Rather,' said the Bishop. + </p> + <p> + 'Oh, by the way,' said Norris, 'I was talking to young Wilson yesterday + evening. Or rather he was talking to me. Decent kid, isn't he? He was + telling me about Farnie. The M.C.C. match, you know, and so on.' + </p> + <p> + 'Oh!' said the Bishop. He began to see how things had happened. + </p> + <p> + 'Yes,' said Norris. 'Hullo, that gives us the game.' + </p> + <p> + A roar of applause from the touch-line greeted the successful attempt of + Hill to convert Gethryn's try into the necessary goal. The referee + performed a solo on the whistle, and immediately afterwards another, as if + as an encore. + </p> + <p> + 'No side,' he said pensively. The School had won by two points. + </p> + <p> + 'That's all right,' said Norris. 'I say, can you come and have tea in my + study when you've changed? Some of the fellows are coming. I've asked + Reece and Marriott, and Pringle said he'd turn up too. It'll be rather a + tight fit, but we'll manage somehow.' + </p> + <p> + 'Right,' said the Bishop. 'Thanks very much.' + </p> + <p> + Norris was correct. It was a tight fit. But then a study brew loses half + its charm if there is room to breathe. It was a most enjoyable ceremony in + every way. After the serious part of the meal was over, and the time had + arrived when it was found pleasanter to eat wafer biscuits than muffins, + the Bishop obliged once more with a recital of his adventures on that + distant day in the summer term. + </p> + <p> + There were several comments when he had finished. The only one worth + recording is Reece's. + </p> + <p> + Reece said it distinctly reminded him of a thing which had happened to a + friend of a chap his brother had known at Sandhurst. + </p> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Prefect's Uncle, by P. G. Wodehouse + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PREFECT'S UNCLE *** + +***** This file should be named 6985-h.htm or 6985-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/6/9/8/6985/ + +Etext produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team + +HTML file produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at + www.gutenberg.org/license. + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at 809 +North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email +contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the +Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + + + +</pre> + </body> +</html> diff --git a/6985.txt b/6985.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8aa3d6f --- /dev/null +++ b/6985.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5670 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Prefect's Uncle, by P. G. Wodehouse + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Prefect's Uncle + +Author: P. G. Wodehouse + +Posting Date: August 26, 2012 [EBook #6985] +Release Date: November, 2004 +First Posted: February 20, 2003 +Last Updated: January 15, 2005 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PREFECT'S UNCLE *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + + + + + + +A PREFECT'S UNCLE + + + + +by P. G. Wodehouse + +1903 + + + + + +[Dedication] +TO W. TOWNEND + + + + +Contents + + +1 Term Begins + +2 Introduces an Unusual Uncle + +3 The Uncle Makes Himself at Home + +4 Pringle Makes a Sporting Offer + +5 Farnie Gets Into Trouble-- + +6 --and Stays There + +7 The Bishop Goes For a Ride + +8 The M.C.C. Match + +9 The Bishop Finishes His Ride + +10 In Which a Case is Fully Discussed + +11 Poetry and Stump-cricket + +12 'We, the Undersigned--' + +13 Leicester's House Team Goes Into a Second Edition + +14 Norris Takes a Short Holiday + +15 _Versus_ Charchester (at Charchester) + +16 A Disputed Authorship + +17 The Winter Term + +18 The Bishop Scores + + + + +[1] + +TERM BEGINS + + +Marriott walked into the senior day-room, and, finding no one there, +hurled his portmanteau down on the table with a bang. The noise brought +William into the room. William was attached to Leicester's House, +Beckford College, as a mixture of butler and bootboy. He carried a pail +of water in his hand. He had been engaged in cleaning up the House +against the conclusion of the summer holidays, of which this was the +last evening, by the simple process of transferring all dust, dirt, and +other foreign substances from the floor to his own person. + +''Ullo, Mr Marriott,' he said. + +'Hullo, William,' said Marriott. 'How are you? Still jogging along? +That's a mercy. I say, look here, I want a quiet word in season with +the authorities. They must have known I was coming back this evening. +Of course they did. Why, they specially wrote and asked me. Well, +where's the red carpet? Where's the awning? Where's the brass band that +ought to have met me at the station? Where's anything? I tell you what +it is, William, my old companion, there's a bad time coming for the +Headmaster if he doesn't mind what he's doing. He must learn that life +is stern and life is earnest, William. Has Gethryn come back yet?' + +William, who had been gasping throughout this harangue, for the +intellectual pressure of Marriott's conversation (of which there was +always plenty) was generally too much for him, caught thankfully at the +last remark as being the only intelligible one uttered up to present +date, and made answer-- + +'Mr Gethryn 'e's gorn out on to the field, Mr Marriott. 'E come 'arf an +hour ago.' + +'Oh! Right. Thanks. Goodbye, William. Give my respects to the cook, and +mind you don't work too hard. Think what it would be if you developed +heart disease. Awful! You mustn't do it, William.' + +Marriott vanished, and William, slightly dazed, went about his +professional duties once more. Marriott walked out into the grounds in +search of Gethryn. Gethryn was the head of Leicester's this term, +_vice_ Reynolds departed, and Marriott, who was second man up, +shared a study with him. Leicester's had not a good name at Beckford, +in spite of the fact that it was generally in the running for the +cricket and football cups. The fact of the matter was that, with the +exception of Gethryn, Marriott, a boy named Reece, who kept wicket for +the School Eleven, and perhaps two others, Leicester's seniors were not +a good lot. To the School in general, who gauged a fellow's character +principally by his abilities in the cricket and football fields, it +seemed a very desirable thing to be in Leicester's. They had been +runners-up for the House football cup that year, and this term might +easily see the cricket cup fall to them. Amongst the few, however, it +was known that the House was passing through an unpleasant stage in its +career. A House is either good or bad. It is seldom that it can combine +the advantages of both systems. Leicester's was bad. + +This was due partly to a succession of bad Head-prefects, and partly to +Leicester himself, who was well-meaning but weak. His spirit was +willing, but his will was not spirited. When things went on that ought +not to have gone on, he generally managed to avoid seeing them, and the +things continued to go on. Altogether, unless Gethryn's rule should act +as a tonic, Leicester's was in a bad way. + +The Powers that Be, however, were relying on Gethryn to effect some +improvement. He was in the Sixth, the First Fifteen, and the First +Eleven. Also a backbone was included in his anatomy, and if he made up +his mind to a thing, that thing generally happened. + +The Rev. James Beckett, the Headmaster of Beckford, had formed a very +fair estimate of Gethryn's capabilities, and at the moment when +Marriott was drawing the field for the missing one, that worthy was +sitting in the Headmaster's study with a cup in his right hand and a +muffin (half-eaten) in his left, drinking in tea and wisdom +simultaneously. The Head was doing most of the talking. He had led up +to the subject skilfully, and, once reached, he did not leave it. The +text of his discourse was the degeneracy of Leicester's. + +'Now, you know, Gethryn--another muffin? Help yourself. You know, +Reynolds--well, he was a capital boy in his way, capital, and I'm sure +we shall all miss him very much--_but_ he was not a good head of a +House. He was weak. Much too weak. Too easy-going. You must avoid that, +Gethryn. Reynolds....' And much more in the same vein. Gethryn left the +room half an hour later full of muffins and good resolutions. He met +Marriott at the fives-courts. + +'Where have you been to?' asked Marriott. 'I've been looking for you +all over the shop.' + +'I and my friend the Headmaster,' said Gethryn, 'have been having a +quiet pot of tea between us.' + +'Really? Was he affable?' + +'Distinctly affable.' + +'You know,' said Marriott confidentially, 'he asked me in, but I told +him it wasn't good enough. I said that if he would consent to make his +tea with water that wasn't two degrees below lukewarm, and bring on his +muffins cooked instead of raw, and supply some butter to eat with them, +I might look him up now and then. Otherwise it couldn't be done at the +price. But what did he want you for, really?' + +'He was ragging me about the House. Quite right, too. You know, there's +no doubt about it, Leicester's does want bucking up.' + +'We're going to get the cricket cup,' said Marriott, for the defence. + +'We may. If it wasn't for the Houses in between. School House and +Jephson's especially. And anyhow, that's not what I meant. The games +are all right. It's--' + +'The moral _je-ne-sais-quoi_, so to speak,' said Marriott. +'That'll be all right. Wait till we get at 'em. What I want you to turn +your great brain to now is this letter.' + +He produced a letter from his pocket. 'Don't you bar chaps who show you +their letters?' he said. 'This was written by an aunt of mine. I don't +want to inflict the whole lot on you. Just look at line four. You see +what she says: "A boy is coming to Mr Leicester's House this term, whom +I particularly wish you to befriend. He is the son of a great friend of +a friend of mine, and is a nice, bright little fellow, very jolly and +full of spirits."' + +'That means,' interpolated Gethryn grimly, 'that he is up to the eyes +in pure, undiluted cheek, and will want kicking after every meal and +before retiring to rest. Go on.' + +'His name is--' + +'Well?' + +'That's the point. At this point the manuscript becomes absolutely +illegible. I have conjectured Percy for the first name. It may be +Richard, but I'll plunge on Percy. It's the surname that stumps me. +Personally, I think it's MacCow, though I trust it isn't, for the kid's +sake. I showed the letter to my brother, the one who's at Oxford. He +swore it was Watson, but, on being pressed, hedged with Sandys. You may +as well contribute your little bit. What do you make of it?' + +Gethryn scrutinized the document with care. + +'She begins with a D. You can see that.' + +'Well?' + +'Next letter a or u. I see. Of course. It's Duncan.' + +'Think so?' said Marriott doubtfully. 'Well, let's go and ask the +matron if she knows anything about him.' + +'Miss Jones,' he said, when they had reached the House, 'have you on +your list of new boys a sportsman of the name of MacCow or Watson? I am +also prepared to accept Sandys or Duncan. The Christian name is either +Richard or Percy. There, that gives you a fairly wide field to choose +from.' + +'There's a P. V. Wilson on the list,' said the matron, after an +inspection of that document. + +'That must be the man,' said Marriott. 'Thanks very much. I suppose he +hasn't arrived yet?' + +'No, not yet. You two are the only ones so far.' + +'Oh! Well, I suppose I shall have to see him when he does come. I'll +come down for him later on.' + +They strolled out on to the field again. + +'In _re_ the proposed bucking-up of the House,' said Marriott, +'it'll be rather a big job.' + +'Rather. I should think so. We ought to have a most fearfully sporting +time. It's got to be done. The Old Man talked to me like several +fathers.' + +'What did he say?' + +'Oh, heaps of things.' + +'I know. Did he mention amongst other things that Reynolds was the +worst idiot on the face of this so-called world?' + +'Something of the sort.' + +'So I should think. The late Reynolds was a perfect specimen of the +gelatine-backboned worm. That's not my own, but it's the only +description of him that really suits. Monk and Danvers and the mob in +general used to do what they liked with him. Talking of Monk, when you +embark on your tour of moral agitation, I should advise you to start +with him.' + +'Yes. And Danvers. There isn't much to choose between them. It's a pity +they're both such good bats. When you see a chap putting them through +the slips like Monk does, you can't help thinking there must be +something in him.' + +'So there is,' said Marriott, 'and it's all bad. I bar the man. He's +slimy. It's the only word for him. And he uses scent by the gallon. +Thank goodness this is his last term.' + +'Is it really? I never heard that.' + +'Yes. He and Danvers are both leaving. Monk's going to Heidelberg to +study German, and Danvers is going into his pater's business in the +City. I got that from Waterford.' + +'Waterford is another beast,' said Gethryn thoughtfully. 'I suppose +he's not leaving by any chance?' + +'Not that I know of. But he'll be nothing without Monk and Danvers. +He's simply a sort of bottle-washer to the firm. When they go he'll +collapse. Let's be strolling towards the House now, shall we? Hullo! +Our only Reece! Hullo, Reece!' + +'Hullo!' said the new arrival. Reece was a weird, silent individual, +whom everybody in the School knew up to a certain point, but very few +beyond that point. His manner was exactly the same when talking to the +smallest fag as when addressing the Headmaster. He rather gave one the +impression that he was thinking of something a fortnight ahead, or +trying to solve a chess problem without the aid of the board. In +appearance he was on the short side, and thin. He was in the Sixth, and +a conscientious worker. Indeed, he was only saved from being considered +a swot, to use the vernacular, by the fact that from childhood's +earliest hour he had been in the habit of keeping wicket like an angel. +To a good wicket-keeper much may be forgiven. + +He handed Gethryn an envelope. + +'Letter, Bishop,' he said. Gethryn was commonly known as the Bishop, +owing to a certain sermon preached in the College chapel some five +years before, in aid of the Church Missionary Society, in which the +preacher had alluded at frequent intervals to another Gethryn, a +bishop, who, it appeared, had a see, and did much excellent work among +the heathen at the back of beyond. Gethryn's friends and acquaintances, +who had been alternating between 'Ginger'--Gethryn's hair being +inclined to redness--and 'Sneg', a name which utterly baffles the +philologist, had welcomed the new name warmly, and it had stuck ever +since. And, after all, there are considerably worse names by which one +might be called. + +'What the dickens!' he said, as he finished reading the letter. + +'Tell us the worst,' said Marriott. 'You must read it out now out of +common decency, after rousing our expectations like that.' + +'All right! It isn't private. It's from an aunt of mine.' + +'Seems to be a perfect glut of aunts,' said Marriott. 'What views has +your representative got to air? Is _she_ springing any jolly +little fellow full of spirits on this happy community?' + +'No, it's not that. It's only an uncle of mine who's coming down here. +He's coming tomorrow, and I'm to meet him. The uncanny part of it is +that I've never heard of him before in my life.' + +'That reminds me of a story I heard--' began Reece slowly. Reece's +observations were not frequent, but when they came, did so for the most +part in anecdotal shape. Somebody was constantly doing something which +reminded him of something he had heard somewhere from somebody. The +unfortunate part of it was that he exuded these reminiscences at such a +leisurely rate of speed that he was rarely known to succeed in +finishing any of them. He resembled those serial stories which appear +in papers destined at a moderate price to fill an obvious void, and +which break off abruptly at the third chapter, owing to the premature +decease of the said periodicals. On this occasion Marriott cut in with +a few sage remarks on the subject of uncles as a class. 'Uncles,' he +said, 'are tricky. You never know where you've got 'em. You think +they're going to come out strong with a sovereign, and they make it a +shilling without a blush. An uncle of mine once gave me a threepenny +bit. If it hadn't been that I didn't wish to hurt his feelings, I +should have flung it at his feet. Also I particularly wanted threepence +at the moment. Is your uncle likely to do his duty, Bishop?' + +'I tell you I don't know the man. Never heard of him. I thought I knew +every uncle on the list, but I can't place this one. However, I suppose +I shall have to meet him.' + +'Rather,' said Marriott, as they went into the House; 'we should always +strive to be kind, even to the very humblest. On the off chance, you +know. The unknown may have struck it rich in sheep or something out in +Australia. Most uncles come from Australia. Or he may be the boss of +some trust, and wallowing in dollars. He may be anything. Let's go and +brew, Bishop. Come on, Reece.' + +'I don't mind watching you two chaps eat,' said Gethryn, 'but I can't +join in myself. I have assimilated three pounds odd of the +Headmagisterial muffins already this afternoon. Don't mind me, though.' + +They went upstairs to Marriott's study, which was also Gethryn's. Two +in a study was the rule at Beckford, though there were recluses who +lived alone, and seemed to enjoy it. + +When the festive board had ceased to groan, and the cake, which +Marriott's mother had expected to last a fortnight, had been reduced to +a mere wreck of its former self, the thought of his aunt's friend's +friend's son returned to Marriott, and he went down to investigate, +returning shortly afterwards unaccompanied, but evidently full of news. + +'Well?' said Gethryn. 'Hasn't he come?' + +'A little,' said Marriott, 'just a little. I went down to the fags' +room, and when I opened the door I noticed a certain weird stillness in +the atmosphere. There is usually a row going on that you could cut with +a knife. I looked about. The room was apparently empty. Then I observed +a quaint object on the horizon. Do you know one Skinner by any chance?' + +'My dear chap!' said Gethryn. Skinner was a sort of juvenile Professor +Moriarty, a Napoleon of crime. He reeked of crime. He revelled in his +wicked deeds. If a Dormitory-prefect was kept awake at night by some +diabolically ingenious contrivance for combining the minimum of risk +with the maximum of noise, then it was Skinner who had engineered the +thing. Again, did a master, playing nervously forward on a bad pitch at +the nets to Gosling, the School fast bowler, receive the ball gaspingly +in the small ribs, and look round to see whose was that raucous laugh +which had greeted the performance, he would observe a couple of yards +away Skinner, deep in conversation with some friend of equally +villainous aspect. In short, in a word, the only adequate word, he was +Skinner. + +'Well?' said Reece. + +'Skinner,' proceeded Marriott, 'was seated in a chair, bleeding freely +into a rather dirty pocket-handkerchief. His usual genial smile was +hampered by a cut lip, and his right eye was blacked in the most +graceful and pleasing manner. I made tender inquiries, but could get +nothing from him except grunts. So I departed, and just outside the +door I met young Lee, and got the facts out of him. It appears that P. +V. Wilson, my aunt's friend's friend's son, entered the fags' room at +four-fifteen. At four-fifteen-and-a-half, punctually, Skinner was +observed to be trying to rag him. Apparently the great Percy has no +sense of humour, for at four-seventeen he got tired of it, and hit +Skinner crisply in the right eyeball, blacking the same as per +illustration. The subsequent fight raged gorily for five minutes odd, +and then Wilson, who seems to be a professional pugilist in disguise, +landed what my informant describes as three corkers on his opponent's +proboscis. Skinner's reply was to sit down heavily on the floor, and +give him to understand that the fight was over, and that for the next +day or two his face would be closed for alterations and repairs. Wilson +thereupon harangued the company in well-chosen terms, tried to get +Skinner to shake hands, but failed, and finally took the entire crew +out to the shop, where they made pigs of themselves at his expense. I +have spoken.' + +'And that's the kid you've got to look after,' said Reece, after a +pause. + +'Yes,' said Marriott. 'What I maintain is that I require a kid built on +those lines to look after me. But you ought to go down and see +Skinner's eye sometime. It's a beautiful bit of work.' + + + + +[2] + +INTRODUCES AN UNUSUAL UNCLE + + +On the following day, at nine o'clock, the term formally began. There +is nothing of Black Monday about the first day of term at a public +school. Black Monday is essentially a private school institution. + +At Beckford the first day of every term was a half holiday. During the +morning a feeble pretence of work was kept up, but after lunch the +school was free, to do as it pleased and to go where it liked. The nets +were put up for the first time, and the School professional emerged at +last from his winter retirement with his, 'Coom _right_ out to +'em, sir, right forward', which had helped so many Beckford cricketers +to do their duty by the School in the field. There was one net for the +elect, the remnants of last year's Eleven and the 'probables' for this +season, and half a dozen more for lesser lights. + +At the first net Norris was batting to the bowling of Gosling, a long, +thin day boy, Gethryn, and the professional--as useful a trio as any +school batsman could wish for. Norris was captain of the team this +year, a sound, stylish bat, with a stroke after the manner of Tyldesley +between cover and mid-off, which used to make Miles the professional +almost weep with joy. But today he had evidently not quite got into +form. Twice in successive balls Gosling knocked his leg stump out of +the ground with yorkers, and the ball after that, Gethryn upset his +middle with a beauty. + +'Hat-trick, Norris,' shouted Gosling. + +'Can't see 'em a bit today. Bowled, Bishop.' + +A second teaser from Gethryn had almost got through his defence. The +Bishop was undoubtedly a fine bowler. Without being quite so fast as +Gosling, he nevertheless contrived to work up a very considerable speed +when he wished to, and there was always something in every ball he +bowled which made it necessary for the batsman to watch it all the way. +In matches against other schools it was generally Gosling who took the +wickets. The batsmen were bothered by his pace. But when the M.C.C. or +the Incogniti came down, bringing seasoned county men who knew what +fast bowling really was, and rather preferred it on the whole to slow, +then Gethryn was called upon. + +Most Beckfordians who did not play cricket on the first day of term +went on the river. A few rode bicycles or strolled out into the country +in couples, but the majority, amongst whom on this occasion was +Marriott, sallied to the water and hired boats. Marriott was one of the +six old cricket colours--the others were Norris, Gosling, Gethryn, +Reece, and Pringle of the School House--who formed the foundation of +this year's Eleven. He was not an ornamental bat, but stood quite alone +in the matter of tall hitting. Twenty minutes of Marriott when in form +would often completely alter the course of a match. He had been given +his colours in the previous year for making exactly a hundred in +sixty-one minutes against the Authentics when the rest of the team had +contributed ninety-eight. The Authentics made a hundred and +eighty-four, so that the School just won; and the story of how there +were five men out in the deep for him, and how he put the slow bowler +over their heads and over the ropes eight times in three overs, had +passed into a school legend. + +But today other things than cricket occupied his attention. He had run +Wilson to earth, and was engaged in making his acquaintance, according +to instructions received. + +'Are you Wilson?' he asked. 'P.V. Wilson?' + +Wilson confirmed the charge. + +'My name's Marriott. Does that convey any significance to your young +mind?' + +'Oh, yes. My mater knows somebody who knows your aunt.' + +'It is a true bill.' + +'And she said you would look after me. I know you won't have time, of +course.' + +'I expect I shall have time to give you all the looking after you'll +require. It won't be much, from all I've heard. Was all that true about +you and young Skinner?' + +Wilson grinned. + +'I did have a bit of a row with a chap called Skinner,' he admitted. + +'So Skinner seems to think,' said Marriott. 'What was it all about?' + +'Oh, he made an ass of himself,' said Wilson vaguely. + +Marriott nodded. + +'He would. I know the man. I shouldn't think you'd have much trouble +with Skinner in the future. By the way, I've got you for a fag this +term. You don't have to do much in the summer. Just rot around, you +know, and go to the shop for biscuits and things, that's all. And, +within limits of course, you get the run of the study.' + +'I see,' said Wilson gratefully. The prospect was pleasant. + +'Oh yes, and it's your privilege to pipe-clay my cricket boots +occasionally before First matches. You'll like that. Can you steer a +boat?' + +'I don't think so. I never tried.' + +'It's easy enough. I'll tell you what to do. Anyhow, you probably won't +steer any worse than I row, so let's go and get a boat out, and I'll +try and think of a few more words of wisdom for your benefit.' + +At the nets Norris had finished his innings, and Pringle was batting in +his stead. Gethryn had given up his ball to Baynes, who bowled slow +leg-breaks, and was the most probable of the probables above-mentioned. +He went to where Norris was taking off his pads, and began to talk to +him. Norris was the head of Jephson's House, and he and the Bishop were +very good friends, in a casual sort of way. If they did not see one +another for a couple of days, neither of them broke his heart. +Whenever, on the other hand, they did meet, they were always glad, and +always had plenty to talk about. Most school friendships are of that +description. + +'You were sending down some rather hot stuff,' said Norris, as Gethryn +sat down beside him, and began to inspect Pringle's performance with a +critical eye. + +'I did feel rather fit,' said he. 'But I don't think half those that +got you would have taken wickets in a match. You aren't in form yet.' + +'I tell you what it is, Bishop,' said Norris, 'I believe I'm going to +be a rank failure this season. Being captain does put one off.' + +'Don't be an idiot, man. How can you possibly tell after one day's play +at the nets?' + +'I don't know. I feel so beastly anxious somehow. I feel as if I was +personally responsible for every match lost. It was all right last year +when John Brown was captain. Good old John! Do you remember his running +you out in the Charchester match?' + +'Don't,' said Gethryn pathetically. 'The only time I've ever felt as if +I really was going to make that century. By Jove, see that drive? +Pringle seems all right.' + +'Yes, you know, he'll simply walk into his Blue when he goes up to the +Varsity. What do you think of Baynes?' + +'Ought to be rather useful on his wicket. Jephson thinks he's good.' + +Mr Jephson looked after the School cricket. + +'Yes, I believe he rather fancies him,' said Norris. 'Says he ought to +do some big things if we get any rain. Hullo, Pringle, are you coming +out? You'd better go in, then, Bishop.' + +'All right. Thanks. Oh, by Jove, though, I forgot. I can't. I've got to +go down to the station to meet an uncle of mine.' + +'What's he coming up today for? Why didn't he wait till we'd got a +match of sorts on?' + +'I don't know. The man's probably a lunatic. Anyhow, I shall have to go +and meet him, and I shall just do it comfortably if I go and change +now.' + +'Oh! Right you are! Sammy, do you want a knock?' + +Samuel Wilberforce Gosling, known to his friends and admirers as Sammy, +replied that he did not. All he wanted now, he said, was a drink, or +possibly two drinks, and a jolly good rest in the shade somewhere. +Gosling was one of those rare individuals who cultivate bowling at the +expense of batting, a habit the reverse of what usually obtains in +schools. + +Norris admitted the justice of his claims, and sent in a Second Eleven +man, Baker, a member of his own House, in Pringle's place. Pringle and +Gosling adjourned to the School shop for refreshment. + +Gethryn walked with them as far as the gate which opened on to the road +where most of the boarding Houses stood, and then branched off in the +direction of Leicester's. To change into everyday costume took him a +quarter of an hour, at the end of which period he left the House, and +began to walk down the road in the direction of the station. + +It was an hour's easy walking between Horton, the nearest station to +Beckford, and the College. Gethryn, who was rather tired after his +exertions at the nets, took it very easily, and when he arrived at his +destination the church clock was striking four. + +'Is the three-fifty-six in yet?' he asked of the solitary porter who +ministered to the needs of the traveller at Horton station. + +'Just a-coming in now, zur,' said the porter, adding, in a sort of +inspired frenzy: ''Orton! 'Orton stertion! 'Orton!' and ringing a bell +with immense enthusiasm and vigour. + +Gethryn strolled to the gate, where the station-master's son stood at +the receipt of custom to collect the tickets. His uncle was to arrive +by this train, and if he did so arrive, must of necessity pass this way +before leaving the platform. The train panted in, pulled up, whistled, +and puffed out again, leaving three people behind it. One of these was +a woman of sixty (approximately), the second a small girl of ten, the +third a young gentleman in a top hat and Etons, who carried a bag, and +looked as if he had seen the hollowness of things, for his face wore a +bored, supercilious look. His uncle had evidently not arrived, unless +he had come disguised as an old woman, an act of which Gethryn refused +to believe him capable. + +He enquired as to the next train that was expected to arrive from +London. The station-master's son was not sure, but would ask the +porter, whose name it appeared was Johnny. Johnny gave the correct +answer without an effort. 'Seven-thirty it was, sir, except on +Saturdays, when it was eight o'clock.' + +'Thanks,' said the Bishop. 'Dash the man, he might at least have +wired.' + +He registered a silent wish concerning the uncle who had brought him a +long three miles out of his way with nothing to show at the end of it, +and was just turning to leave the station, when the top-hatted small +boy, who had been hovering round the group during the conversation, +addressed winged words to him. These were the winged words-- + +'I say, are you looking for somebody?' The Bishop stared at him as a +naturalist stares at a novel species of insect. + +'Yes,' he said. 'Why?' + +'Is your name Gethryn?' + +This affair, thought the Bishop, was beginning to assume an uncanny +aspect. + +'How the dickens did you know that?' he said. + +'Oh, then you are Gethryn? That's all right. I was told you were going +to be here to meet this train. Glad to make your acquaintance. My +name's Farnie. I'm your uncle, you know.' + +'My what?' gurgled the Bishop. + +'Your uncle. U-n, un; c-l-e--kul. Uncle. Fact, I assure you.' + + + + +[3] + +THE UNCLE MAKES HIMSELF AT HOME + + +'But, dash it,' said Gethryn, when he had finished gasping, 'that must +be rot!' + +'Not a bit,' said the self-possessed youth. 'Your mater was my elder +sister. You'll find it works out all right. Look here. A, the daughter +of B and C, marries. No, look here. I was born when you were four. +See?' + +Then the demoralized Bishop remembered. He had heard of his juvenile +uncle, but the tales had made little impression upon him. Till now they +had not crossed one another's tracks. + +'Oh, all right,' said he, 'I'll take your word for it. You seem to have +been getting up the subject.' + +'Yes. Thought you might want to know about it. I say, how far is it to +Beckford, and how do you get there?' + +Up till now Gethryn had scarcely realized that his uncle was actually +coming to the School for good. These words brought the fact home to +him. + +'Oh, Lord,' he said, 'are you coming to Beckford?' + +The thought of having his footsteps perpetually dogged by an uncle four +years younger than himself, and manifestly a youth with a fine taste in +cheek, was not pleasant. + +'Of course,' said his uncle. 'What did you think I was going to do? +Camp out on the platform?' + +'What House are you in?' + +'Leicester's.' + +The worst had happened. The bitter cup was full, the iron neatly +inserted in Gethryn's soul. In his most pessimistic moments he had +never looked forward to the coming term so gloomily as he did now. His +uncle noted his lack of enthusiasm, and attributed it to anxiety on +behalf of himself. + +'What's up?' he asked. 'Isn't Leicester's all right? Is Leicester a +beast?' + +'No. He's a perfectly decent sort of man. It's a good enough House. At +least it will be this term. I was only thinking of something.' + +'I see. Well, how do you get to the place?' + +'Walk. It isn't far.' + +'How far?' + +'Three miles.' + +'The porter said four.' + +'It may be four. I never measured it.' + +'Well, how the dickens do you think I'm going to walk four miles with +luggage? I wish you wouldn't rot.' + +And before Gethryn could quite realize that he, the head of +Leicester's, the second-best bowler in the School, and the best centre +three-quarter the School had had for four seasons, had been requested +in a peremptory manner by a youth of fourteen, a mere kid, not to rot, +the offender was talking to a cabman out of the reach of retaliation. +Gethryn became more convinced every minute that this was no ordinary +kid. + +'This man says,' observed Farnie, returning to Gethryn, 'that he'll +drive me up to the College for seven bob. As it's a short four miles, +and I've only got two boxes, it seems to me that he's doing himself +fairly well. What do you think?' + +'Nobody ever gives more than four bob,' said Gethryn. + +'I told you so,' said Farnie to the cabman. 'You are a bally swindler,' +he added admiringly. + +'Look 'ere,' began the cabman, in a pained voice. + +'Oh, dry up,' said Farnie. 'Want a lift, Gethryn?' + +The words were spoken not so much as from equal to equal as in a tone +of airy patronage which made the Bishop's blood boil. But as he +intended to instil a few words of wisdom into his uncle's mind, he did +not refuse the offer. + +The cabman, apparently accepting the situation as one of those slings +and arrows of outrageous fortune which no man can hope to escape, +settled down on the box, clicked up his horse, and drove on towards the +College. + +'What sort of a hole is Beckford?' asked Farnie, after the silence had +lasted some time. + +'I find it good enough personally,' said Gethryn. 'If you'd let us know +earlier that you were coming, we'd have had the place done up a bit for +you.' + +This, of course, was feeble, distinctly feeble. But the Bishop was not +feeling himself. The essay in sarcasm left the would-be victim entirely +uncrushed. He should have shrunk and withered up, or at the least have +blushed. But he did nothing of the sort. He merely smiled in his +supercilious way, until the Bishop felt very much inclined to spring +upon him and throw him out of the cab. + +There was another pause. + +'Farnie,' began Gethryn at last. + +'Um?' + +'Doesn't it strike you that for a kid like you you've got a good deal +of edge on?' asked Gethryn. + +Farnie effected a masterly counter-stroke. He pretended not to be able +to hear. He was sorry, but would the Bishop mind repeating his remark. + +'Eh? What?' he said. 'Very sorry, but this cab's making such a row. I +say, cabby, why don't you sign the pledge, and save your money up to +buy a new cab? Eh? Oh, sorry! I wasn't listening.' Now, inasmuch as the +whole virtue of the 'wretched-little-kid-like-you' argument lies in the +crisp despatch with which it is delivered, Gethryn began to find, on +repeating his observation for the third time, that there was not quite +so much in it as he had thought. He prudently elected to change his +style of attack. + +'It doesn't matter,' he said wearily, as Farnie opened his mouth to +demand a fourth encore, 'it wasn't anything important. Now, look here, +I just want to give you a few tips about what to do when you get to the +Coll. To start with, you'll have to take off that white tie you've got +on. Black and dark blue are the only sorts allowed here.' + +'How about yours then?' Gethryn was wearing a somewhat sweet thing in +brown and yellow. + +'Mine happens to be a First Eleven tie.' + +'Oh! Well, as a matter of fact, you know, I was going to take off my +tie. I always do, especially at night. It's a sort of habit I've got +into.' + +'Not quite so much of your beastly cheek, please,' said Gethryn. + +'Right-ho!' said Farnie cheerfully, and silence, broken only by the +shrieking of the cab wheels, brooded once more over the cab. Then +Gethryn, feeling that perhaps it would be a shame to jump too severely +on a new boy on his first day at a large public school, began to think +of something conciliatory to say. 'Look here,' he said, 'you'll get on +all right at Beckford, I expect. You'll find Leicester's a fairly +decent sort of House. Anyhow, you needn't be afraid you'll get bullied. +There's none of that sort of thing at School nowadays.' + +'Really?' + +'Yes, and there's another thing I ought to warn you about. Have you +brought much money with you?' + +''Bout fourteen pounds, I fancy,' said Farnie carelessly. + +'Fourteen _what_!' said the amazed Bishop. '_Pounds!_' + +'Or sovereigns,' said Farnie. 'Each worth twenty shillings, you know.' + +For a moment Gethryn's only feeling was one of unmixed envy. Previously +he had considered himself passing rich on thirty shillings a term. He +had heard legends, of course, of individuals who come to School +bursting with bullion, but never before had he set eyes upon such an +one. But after a time it began to dawn upon him that for a new boy at a +public school, and especially at such a House as Leicester's had become +under the rule of the late Reynolds and his predecessors, there might +be such a thing as having too much money. + +'How the deuce did you get all that?' he asked. + +'My pater gave it me. He's absolutely cracked on the subject of +pocket-money. Sometimes he doesn't give me a sou, and sometimes he'll +give me whatever I ask for.' + +'But you don't mean to say you had the cheek to ask for fourteen quid?' + +'I asked for fifteen. Got it, too. I've spent a pound of it. I said I +wanted to buy a bike. You can get a jolly good bike for five quid +about, so you see I scoop ten pounds. What?' + +This ingenious, if slightly unscrupulous, feat gave Gethryn an insight +into his uncle's character which up till now he had lacked. He began to +see that the moral advice with which he had primed himself would be out +of place. Evidently this youth could take quite good care of himself on +his own account. Still, even a budding Professor Moriarty would be none +the worse for being warned against Gethryn's _bete noire_, Monk, +so the Bishop proceeded to deliver that warning. + +'Well,' he said, 'you seem to be able to look out for yourself all +right, I must say. But there's one tip I really can give you. When you +get to Leicester's, and a beast with a green complexion and an oily +smile comes up and calls you "Old Cha-a-p", and wants you to swear +eternal friendship, tell him it's not good enough. Squash him!' + +'Thanks,' said Farnie. 'Who is this genial merchant?' + +'Chap called Monk. You'll recognize him by the smell of scent. When you +find the place smelling like an Eau-de-Cologne factory, you'll know +Monk's somewhere near. Don't you have anything to do with him.' + +'You seem to dislike the gentleman.' + +'I bar the man. But that isn't why I'm giving you the tip to steer +clear of him. There are dozens of chaps I bar who haven't an ounce of +vice in them. And there are one or two chaps who have got tons. Monk's +one of them. A fellow called Danvers is another. Also a beast of the +name of Waterford. There are some others as well, but those are the +worst of the lot. By the way, I forgot to ask, have you ever been to +school before?' + +'Yes,' said Farnie, in the dreamy voice of one who recalls memories +from the misty past, 'I was at Harrow before I came here, and at +Wellington before I went to Harrow, and at Clifton before I went to +Wellington.' + +Gethryn gasped. + +'Anywhere before you went to Clifton?' he enquired. + +'Only private schools.' + +The recollection of the platitudes which he had been delivering, under +the impression that he was talking to an entirely raw beginner, made +Gethryn feel slightly uncomfortable. What must this wanderer, who had +seen men and cities, have thought of his harangue? + +'Why did you leave Harrow?' asked he. + +'Sacked,' was the laconic reply. + +Have you ever, asks a modern philosopher, gone upstairs in the dark, +and trodden on the last step when it wasn't there? That sensation and +the one Gethryn felt at this unexpected revelation were identical. And +the worst of it was that he felt the keenest desire to know why Harrow +had seen fit to dispense with the presence of his uncle. + +'Why?' he began. 'I mean,' he went on hurriedly, 'why did you leave +Wellington?' + +'Sacked,' said Farnie again, with the monotonous persistence of a +Solomon Eagle. + +Gethryn felt at this juncture much as the unfortunate gentleman in +_Punch_ must have felt, when, having finished a humorous story, +the point of which turned upon squinting and red noses, he suddenly +discovered that his host enjoyed both those peculiarities. He struggled +manfully with his feelings for a time. Tact urged him to discontinue +his investigations and talk about the weather. Curiosity insisted upon +knowing further details. Just as the struggle was at its height, Farnie +came unexpectedly to the rescue. + +'It may interest you,' he said, 'to know that I was not sacked from +Clifton.' + +Gethryn with some difficulty refrained from thanking him for the +information. + +'I never stop at a school long,' said Farnie. 'If I don't get sacked my +father takes me away after a couple of terms. I went to four private +schools before I started on the public schools. My pater took me away +from the first two because he thought the drains were bad, the third +because they wouldn't teach me shorthand, and the fourth because he +didn't like the headmaster's face. I worked off those schools in a year +and a half.' Having finished this piece of autobiography, he relapsed +into silence, leaving Gethryn to recollect various tales he had heard +of his grandfather's eccentricity. The silence lasted until the College +was reached, when the matron took charge of Farnie, and Gethryn went +off to tell Marriott of these strange happenings. + +Marriott was amused, nor did he attempt to conceal the fact. When he +had finished laughing, which was not for some time, he favoured the +Bishop with a very sound piece of advice. 'If I were you,' he said, 'I +should try and hush this affair up. It's all fearfully funny, but I +think you'd enjoy life more if nobody knew this kid was your uncle. To +see the head of the House going about with a juvenile uncle in his wake +might amuse the chaps rather, and you might find it harder to keep +order; I won't let it out, and nobody else knows apparently. Go and +square the kid. Oh, I say though, what's his name? If it's Gethryn, +you're done. Unless you like to swear he's a cousin.' + +'No; his name's Farnie, thank goodness.' + +'That's all right then. Go and talk to him.' + +Gethryn went to the junior study. Farnie was holding forth to a knot of +fags at one end of the room. His audience appeared to be amused at +something. + +'I say, Farnie,' said the Bishop, 'half a second.' + +Farnie came out, and Gethryn proceeded to inform him that, all things +considered, and proud as he was of the relationship, it was not +absolutely essential that he should tell everybody that he was his +uncle. In fact, it would be rather better on the whole if he did not. +Did he follow? + +Farnie begged to observe that he did follow, but that, to his sorrow, +the warning came too late. + +'I'm very sorry,' he said, 'I hadn't the least idea you wanted the +thing kept dark. How was I to know? I've just been telling it to some +of the chaps in there. Awfully decent chaps. They seemed to think it +rather funny. Anyhow, I'm not ashamed of the relationship. Not yet, at +any rate.' + +For a moment Gethryn seemed about to speak. He looked fixedly at his +uncle as he stood framed in the doorway, a cheerful column of cool, +calm, concentrated cheek. Then, as if realizing that no words that he +knew could do justice to the situation, he raised his foot in silence, +and 'booted' his own flesh and blood with marked emphasis. After which +ceremony he went, still without a word, upstairs again. + +As for Farnie, he returned to the junior day-room whistling 'Down +South' in a soft but cheerful key, and solidified his growing +popularity with doles of food from a hamper which he had brought with +him. Finally, on retiring to bed and being pressed by the rest of his +dormitory for a story, he embarked upon the history of a certain +Pollock and an individual referred to throughout as the Porroh Man, the +former of whom caused the latter to be decapitated, and was ever +afterwards haunted by his head, which appeared to him all day and every +day (not excepting Sundays and Bank Holidays) in an upside-down +position and wearing a horrible grin. In the end Pollock very sensibly +committed suicide (with ghastly details), and the dormitory thanked +Farnie in a subdued and chastened manner, and tried, with small +success, to go to sleep. In short, Farnie's first evening at Beckford +had been quite a triumph. + + + + +[4] + +PRINGLE MAKES A SPORTING OFFER + + +Estimating it roughly, it takes a new boy at a public school about a +week to find his legs and shed his skin of newness. The period is, of +course, longer in the case of some and shorter in the case of others. +Both Farnie and Wilson had made themselves at home immediately. In the +case of the latter, directly the Skinner episode had been noised +abroad, and it was discovered in addition that he was a promising bat, +public opinion recognized that here was a youth out of the common run +of new boys, and the Lower Fourth--the form in which he had been placed +on arrival--took him to its bosom as an equal. Farnie's case was +exceptional. A career at Harrow, Clifton, and Wellington, however short +and abruptly terminated, gives one some sort of grip on the way public +school life is conducted. At an early date, moreover, he gave signs of +what almost amounted to genius in the Indoor Game department. Now, +success in the field is a good thing, and undoubtedly makes for +popularity. But if you desire to command the respect and admiration of +your fellow-beings to a degree stretched almost to the point of +idolatry, make yourself proficient in the art of whiling away the hours +of afternoon school. Before Farnie's arrival, his form, the Upper +Fourth, with the best intentions in the world, had not been skilful +'raggers'. They had ragged in an intermittent, once-a-week sort of way. +When, however, he came on the scene, he introduced a welcome element of +science into the sport. As witness the following. Mr Strudwick, the +regular master of the form, happened on one occasion to be away for a +couple of days, and a stop-gap was put in in his place. The name of the +stop-gap was Mr Somerville Smith. He and Farnie exchanged an unspoken +declaration of war almost immediately. The first round went in Mr +Smith's favour. He contrived to catch Farnie in the act of performing +some ingenious breach of the peace, and, it being a Wednesday and a +half-holiday, sent him into extra lesson. On the following morning, +more by design than accident, Farnie upset an inkpot. Mr Smith observed +icily that unless the stain was wiped away before the beginning of +afternoon school, there would be trouble. Farnie observed (to himself) +that there would be trouble in any case, for he had hit upon the +central idea for the most colossal 'rag' that, in his opinion, ever +was. After morning school he gathered the form around him, and +disclosed his idea. The floor of the form-room, he pointed out, was +some dozen inches below the level of the door. Would it not be a +pleasant and profitable notion, he asked, to flood the floor with water +to the depth of those dozen inches? On the wall outside the form-room +hung a row of buckets, placed there in case of fire, and the lavatory +was not too far off for practical purposes. Mr Smith had bidden him +wash the floor. It was obviously his duty to do so. The form thought so +too. For a solid hour, thirty weary but enthusiastic reprobates +laboured without ceasing, and by the time the bell rang all was +prepared. The floor was one still, silent pool. Two caps and a few +notebooks floated sluggishly on the surface, relieving the picture of +any tendency to monotony. The form crept silently to their places along +the desks. As Mr Smith's footsteps were heard approaching, they began +to beat vigorously upon the desks, with the result that Mr Smith, +quickening his pace, dashed into the form-room at a hard gallop. The +immediate results were absolutely satisfactory, and if matters +subsequently (when Mr Smith, having changed his clothes, returned with +the Headmaster) did get somewhat warm for the thirty criminals, they +had the satisfying feeling that their duty had been done, and a hearty +and unanimous vote of thanks was passed to Farnie. From which it will +be seen that Master Reginald Farnie was managing to extract more or +less enjoyment out of his life at Beckford. + +Another person who was enjoying life was Pringle of the School House. +The keynote of Pringle's character was superiority. At an early period +of his life--he was still unable to speak at the time--his grandmother +had died. This is probably the sole reason why he had never taught that +relative to suck eggs. Had she lived, her education in that direction +must have been taken in hand. Baffled in this, Pringle had turned his +attention to the rest of the human race. He had a rooted conviction +that he did everything a shade better than anybody else. This belief +did not make him arrogant at all, and certainly not offensive, for he +was exceedingly popular in the School. But still there were people who +thought that he might occasionally draw the line somewhere. Watson, the +ground-man, for example, thought so when Pringle primed him with advice +on the subject of preparing a wicket. And Langdale, who had been +captain of the team five years before, had thought so most decidedly, +and had not hesitated to say so when Pringle, then in his first term +and aged twelve, had stood behind the First Eleven net and requested +him peremptorily to 'keep 'em down, sir, keep 'em down'. Indeed, the +great man had very nearly had a fit on that occasion, and was wont +afterwards to attribute to the effects of the shock so received a +sequence of three 'ducks' which befell him in the next three matches. + +In short, in every department of life, Pringle's advice was always (and +generally unsought) at everybody's disposal. To round the position off +neatly, it would be necessary to picture him as a total failure in the +practical side of all the subjects in which he was so brilliant a +theorist. Strangely enough, however, this was not the case. There were +few better bats in the School than Pringle. Norris on his day was more +stylish, and Marriott not infrequently made more runs, but for +consistency Pringle was unrivalled. + +That was partly the reason why at this time he was feeling pleased with +life. The School had played three matches up to date, and had won them +all. In the first, an Oxford college team, containing several Old +Beckfordians, had been met and routed, Pringle contributing thirty-one +to a total of three hundred odd. But Norris had made a century, which +had rather diverted the public eye from this performance. Then the +School had played the Emeriti, and had won again quite comfortably. +This time his score had been forty-one, useful, but still not +phenomenal. Then in the third match, _versus_ Charchester, one of +the big school matches of the season, he had found himself. He ran up a +hundred and twenty-three without a chance, and felt that life had +little more to offer. That had been only a week ago, and the glow of +satisfaction was still pleasantly warm. + +It was while he was gloating silently in his study over the bat with +which a grateful Field Sports Committee had presented him as a reward +for this feat, that he became aware that Lorimer, his study companion, +appeared to be in an entirely different frame of mind to his own. +Lorimer was in the Upper Fifth, Pringle in the Remove. Lorimer sat at +the study table gnawing a pen in a feverish manner that told of an +overwrought soul. Twice he uttered sounds that were obviously sounds of +anguish, half groans and half grunts. Pringle laid down his bat and +decided to investigate. + +'What's up?' he asked. + +'This bally poem thing,' said Lorimer. + +'Poem? Oh, ah, I know.' Pringle had been in the Upper Fifth himself a +year before, and he remembered that every summer term there descended +upon that form a Bad Time in the shape of a poetry prize. A certain +Indian potentate, the Rajah of Seltzerpore, had paid a visit to the +school some years back, and had left behind him on his departure +certain monies in the local bank, which were to be devoted to providing +the Upper Fifth with an annual prize for the best poem on a subject to +be selected by the Headmaster. Entrance was compulsory. The wily +authorities knew very well that if it had not been, the entries for the +prize would have been somewhat small. Why the Upper Fifth were so +favoured in preference to the Sixth or Remove is doubtful. Possibly it +was felt that, what with the Jones History, the Smith Latin Verse, the +Robinson Latin Prose, and the De Vere Crespigny Greek Verse, and other +trophies open only to members of the Remove and Sixth, those two forms +had enough to keep them occupied as it was. At any rate, to the Upper +Fifth the prize was given, and every year, three weeks after the +commencement of the summer term, the Bad Time arrived. + +'Can't you get on?' asked Pringle. + +'No.' + +'What's the subject?' + +'Death of Dido.' + +'Something to be got out of that, surely.' + +'Wish you'd tell me what.' + +'Heap of things.' + +'Such as what? Can't see anything myself. I call it perfectly indecent +dragging the good lady out of her well-earned tomb at this time of day. +I've looked her up in the Dic. of Antiquities, and it appears that she +committed suicide some years ago. Body-snatching, I call it. What do I +want to know about her?' + +'What's Hecuba to him or he to Hecuba?' murmured Pringle. + +'Hecuba?' said Lorimer, looking puzzled, 'What's Hecuba got to do with +it?' + +'I was only quoting,' said Pringle, with gentle superiority. + +'Well, I wish instead of quoting rot you'd devote your energies to +helping me with these beastly verses. How on earth shall I begin?' + +'You might adapt my quotation. "What's Dido got to do with me, or I to +do with Dido?" I rather like that. Jam it down. Then you go on in a +sort of rag-time metre. In the "Coon Drum-Major" style. Besides, you +see, the beauty of it is that you administer a wholesome snub to the +examiner right away. Makes him sit up at once. Put it down.' + +Lorimer bit off another quarter of an inch of his pen. 'You needn't be +an ass,' he said shortly. + +'My dear chap,' said Pringle, enjoying himself immensely, 'what on +earth is the good of my offering you suggestions if you won't take +them?' + +Lorimer said nothing. He bit off another mouthful of penholder. + +'Well, anyway,' resumed Pringle. 'I can't see why you're so keen on the +business. Put down anything. The beaks never make a fuss about these +special exams.' + +'It isn't the beaks I care about,' said Lorimer in an injured tone of +voice, as if someone had been insinuating that he had committed some +crime, 'only my people are rather keen on my doing well in this exam.' + +'Why this exam, particularly?' + +'Oh, I don't know. My grandfather or someone was a bit of a pro at +verse in his day, I believe, and they think it ought to run in the +family.' + +Pringle examined the situation in all its aspects. 'Can't you get +along?' he enquired at length. + +'Not an inch.' + +'Pity. I wish we could swop places.' + +'So do I for some things. To start with, I shouldn't mind having made +that century of yours against Charchester.' + +Pringle beamed. The least hint that his fellow-man was taking him at +his own valuation always made him happy. + +'Thanks,' he said. 'No, but what I meant was that I wished I was in for +this poetry prize. I bet I could turn out a rattling good screed. Why, +last year I almost got the prize. I sent in fearfully hot stuff.' + +'Think so?' said Lorimer doubtfully, in answer to the 'rattling good +screed' passage of Pringle's speech. 'Well, I wish you'd have a shot. +You might as well.' + +'What, really? How about the prize?' + +'Oh, hang the prize. We'll have to chance that.' + +'I thought you were keen on getting it.' + +'Oh, no. Second or third will do me all right, and satisfy my people. +They only want to know for certain that I've got the poetic afflatus +all right. Will you take it on?' + +'All right.' + +'Thanks, awfully.' + +'I say, Lorimer,' said Pringle after a pause. + +'Yes?' + +'Are your people coming down for the O.B.s' match?' + +The Old Beckfordians' match was the great function of the Beckford +cricket season. The Headmaster gave a garden-party. The School band +played; the School choir sang; and sisters, cousins, aunts, and parents +flocked to the School in platoons. + +'Yes, I think so,' said Lorimer. 'Why?' + +'Is your sister coming?' + +'Oh, I don't know.' A brother's utter lack of interest in his sister's +actions is a weird and wonderful thing for an outsider to behold. + +'Well, look here, I wish you'd get her to come. We could give them tea +in here, and have rather a good time, don't you think?' + +'All right. I'll make her come. Look here, Pringle, I believe you're +rather gone on Mabel.' + +This was Lorimer's vulgar way. + +'Don't be an ass,' said Pringle, with a laugh which should have been +careless, but was in reality merely feeble. 'She's quite a kid.' + +Miss Mabel Lorimer's exact age was fifteen. She had brown hair, blue +eyes, and a smile which disclosed to view a dimple. There are worse +things than a dimple. Distinctly so, indeed. When ladies of fifteen +possess dimples, mere man becomes but as a piece of damp +blotting-paper. Pringle was seventeen and a half, and consequently too +old to take note of such frivolous attributes; but all the same he had +a sort of vague, sketchy impression that it would be pleasanter to run +up a lively century against the O.B.s with Miss Lorimer as a spectator +than in her absence. He felt pleased that she was coming. + +'I say, about this poem,' said Lorimer, dismissing a subject which +manifestly bored him, and returning to one which was of vital interest, +'you're sure you can write fairly decent stuff? It's no good sending in +stuff that'll turn the examiner's hair grey. Can you turn out something +really decent?' + +Pringle said nothing. He smiled gently as who should observe, 'I and +Shakespeare.' + + + + +[5] + +FARNIE GETS INTO TROUBLE-- + + +It was perhaps only natural that Farnie, having been warned so strongly +of the inadvisability of having anything to do with Monk, should for +that very reason be attracted to him. Nobody ever wants to do anything +except what they are not allowed to do. Otherwise there is no +explaining the friendship that arose between them. Jack Monk was not an +attractive individual. He had a slack mouth and a shifty eye, and his +complexion was the sort which friends would have described as olive, +enemies (with more truth) as dirty green. These defects would have +mattered little, of course, in themselves. There's many a bilious +countenance, so to speak, covers a warm heart. With Monk, however, +appearances were not deceptive. He looked a bad lot, and he was one. + +It was on the second morning of term that the acquaintanceship began. +Monk was coming downstairs from his study with Danvers, and Farnie was +leaving the fags' day-room. + +'See that kid?' said Danvers. 'That's the chap I was telling you about. +Gethryn's uncle, you know.' + +'Not really? Let's cultivate him. I say, old chap, don't walk so fast.' +Farnie, rightly concluding that the remark was addressed to him, turned +and waited, and the three strolled over to the School buildings +together. + +They would have made an interesting study for the observer of human +nature, the two seniors fancying that they had to deal with a small boy +just arrived at his first school, and in the grip of that strange, lost +feeling which attacks the best of new boys for a day or so after their +arrival; and Farnie, on the other hand, watching every move, as +perfectly composed and at home as a youth should be with the experience +of three public schools to back him up. + +When they arrived at the School gates, Monk and Danvers turned to go in +the direction of their form-room, the Remove, leaving Farnie at the +door of the Upper Fourth. At this point a small comedy took place. +Monk, after feeling hastily in his pockets, requested Danvers to lend +him five shillings until next Saturday. Danvers knew this request of +old, and he knew the answer that was expected of him. By replying that +he was sorry, but he had not got the money, he gave Farnie, who was +still standing at the door, his cue to offer to supply the deficiency. +Most new boys--they had grasped this fact from experience--would have +felt it an honour to oblige a senior with a small loan. As Farnie made +no signs of doing what was expected of him, Monk was obliged to resort +to the somewhat cruder course of applying for the loan in person. He +applied. Farnie with the utmost willingness brought to light a handful +of money, mostly gold. Monk's eye gleamed approval, and he stretched +forth an itching palm. Danvers began to think that it would be rash to +let a chance like this slip. Ordinarily the tacit agreement between the +pair was that only one should borrow at a time, lest confidence should +be destroyed in the victim. But here was surely an exception, a special +case. With a young gentleman so obviously a man of coin as Farnie, the +rule might well be broken for once. + +'While you're about it, Farnie, old man,' he said carelessly, 'you might +let me have a bob or two if you don't mind. Five bob'll see me through +to Saturday all right.' + +'Do you mean tomorrow?' enquired Farnie, looking up from his heap of +gold. + +'No, Saturday week. Let you have it back by then at the latest. Make a +point of it.' + +'How would a quid do?' + +'Ripping,' said Danvers ecstatically. + +'Same here,' assented Monk. + +'Then that's all right,' said Farnie briskly; 'I thought perhaps you +mightn't have had enough. You've got a quid, I know, Monk, because I +saw you haul one out at breakfast. And Danvers has got one too, because +he offered to toss you for it in the study afterwards. And besides, I +couldn't lend you anything in any case, because I've only got about +fourteen quid myself.' + +With which parting shot he retired, wrapped in gentle thought, into his +form-room; and from the noise which ensued immediately upon his +arrival, the shrewd listener would have deduced, quite correctly, that +he had organized and taken the leading part in a general rag. + +Monk and Danvers proceeded upon their way. + +'You got rather left there, old chap,' said Monk at length. + +'I like that,' replied the outraged Danvers. 'How about you, then? It +seemed to me you got rather left, too.' + +Monk compromised. + +'Well, anyhow,' he said, 'we shan't get much out of that kid.' + +'Little beast,' said Danvers complainingly. And they went on into their +form-room in silence. + +'I saw your young--er--relative in earnest conversation with friend +Monk this morning,' said Marriott, later on in the day, to Gethryn; 'I +thought you were going to give him the tip in that direction?' + +'So I did,' said the Bishop wearily; 'but I can't always be looking +after the little brute. He only does it out of sheer cussedness, +because I've told him not to. It stands to reason that he can't +_like_ Monk.' + +'You remind me of the psalmist and the wicked man, surname unknown,' +said Marriott. 'You _can't_ see the good side of Monk.' + +'There isn't one.' + +'No. He's only got two sides, a bad side and a worse side, which he +sticks on on the strength of being fairly good at games. I wonder if +he's going to get his First this season. He's not a bad bat.' + +'I don't think he will. He is a good bat, but there are heaps better in +the place. I say, I think I shall give young Farnie the tip once more, +and let him take it or leave it. What do you think?' + +'He'll leave it,' said Marriott, with conviction. + +Nor was he mistaken. Farnie listened with enthusiasm to his nephew's +second excursus on the Monk topic, and, though he said nothing, was +apparently convinced. On the following afternoon Monk, Danvers, +Waterford, and he hired a boat and went up the river together. Gethryn +and Marriott, steered by Wilson, who was rapidly developing into a +useful coxswain, got an excellent view of them moored under the shade +of a willow, drinking ginger-beer, and apparently on the best of terms +with one another and the world in general. In a brief but moving speech +the Bishop finally excommunicated his erring relative. 'For all I +care,' he concluded, 'he can do what he likes in future. I shan't stop +him.' + +'No,' said Marriott, 'I don't think you will.' + +For the first month of his school life Farnie behaved, except in his +choice of companions, much like an ordinary junior. He played cricket +moderately well, did his share of compulsory fielding at the First +Eleven net, and went for frequent river excursions with Monk, Danvers, +and the rest of the Mob. + +At first the other juniors of the House were inclined to resent this +extending of the right hand of fellowship to owners of studies and +Second Eleven men, and attempted to make Farnie see the sin and folly +of his ways. But Nature had endowed that youth with a fund of vitriolic +repartee. When Millett, one of Leicester's juniors, evolved some +laborious sarcasm on the subject of Farnie's swell friends, Farnie, in +a series of three remarks, reduced him, figuratively speaking, to a +small and palpitating spot of grease. After that his actions came in +for no further, or at any rate no outspoken comment. + +Given sixpence a week and no more, Farnie might have survived an entire +term without breaking any serious School rule. But when, after buying a +bicycle from Smith of Markham's, he found himself with eight pounds to +his name in solid cash, and the means of getting far enough away from +the neighbourhood of the School to be able to spend it much as he +liked, he began to do strange and risky things in his spare time. + +The great obstacle to illicit enjoyment at Beckford was the four +o'clock roll-call on half-holidays. There were other obstacles, such as +half-holiday games and so forth, but these could be avoided by the +exercise of a little judgement. The penalty for non-appearance at a +half-holiday game was a fine of sixpence. Constant absence was likely +in time to lead to a more or less thrilling interview with the captain +of cricket, but a very occasional attendance was enough to stave off +this disaster; and as for the sixpence, to a man of means like Farnie +it was a mere nothing. It was a bad system, and it was a wonder, under +the circumstances, how Beckford produced the elevens it did. But it was +the system, and Farnie availed himself of it to the full. + +The obstacle of roll-call he managed also to surmount. Some reckless +and penniless friend was generally willing, for a consideration, to +answer his name for him. And so most Saturday afternoons would find +Farnie leaving behind him the flannelled fools at their various +wickets, and speeding out into the country on his bicycle in the +direction of the village of Biddlehampton, where mine host of the 'Cow +and Cornflower', in addition to other refreshment for man and beast, +advertised that ping-pong and billiards might be played on the +premises. It was not the former of these games that attracted Farnie. +He was no pinger. Nor was he a pongster. But for billiards he had a +decided taste, a genuine taste, not the pumped-up affectation sometimes +displayed by boys of his age. Considering his age he was a remarkable +player. Later on in life it appeared likely that he would have the +choice of three professions open to him, namely, professional billiard +player, billiard marker, and billiard sharp. At each of the three he +showed distinct promise. He was not 'lured to the green cloth' by Monk +or Danvers. Indeed, if there had been any luring to be done, it is +probable that he would have done it, and not they. Neither Monk nor +Danvers was in his confidence in the matter. Billiards is not a cheap +amusement. By the end of his sixth week Farnie was reduced to a single +pound, a sum which, for one of his tastes, was practically poverty. And +just at the moment when he was least able to bear up against it, Fate +dealt him one of its nastiest blows. He was playing a fifty up against +a friendly but unskilful farmer at the 'Cow and Cornflower'. 'Better +look out,' he said, as his opponent effected a somewhat rustic stroke, +'you'll be cutting the cloth in a second.' The farmer grunted, missed +by inches, and retired, leaving the red ball in the jaws of the pocket, +and Farnie with three to make to win. + +It was an absurdly easy stroke, and the Bishop's uncle took it with an +absurd amount of conceit and carelessness. Hardly troubling to aim, he +struck his ball. The cue slid off in one direction, the ball rolled +sluggishly in another. And when the cue had finished its run, the +smooth green surface of the table was marred by a jagged and unsightly +cut. There was another young man gone wrong! + +To say that the farmer laughed would be to express the matter feebly. +That his young opponent, who had been irritating him unspeakably since +the beginning of the game with advice and criticism, should have done +exactly what he had cautioned him, the farmer, against a moment before, +struck him as being the finest example of poetic justice he had ever +heard of, and he signalized his appreciation of the same by nearly +dying of apoplexy. + +The marker expressed an opinion that Farnie had been and gone and done +it. + +''Ere,' he said, inserting a finger in the cut to display its +dimensions. 'Look 'ere. This'll mean a noo cloth, young feller me lad. +That's wot this'll mean. That'll be three pound we will trouble you +for, if _you_ please.' + +Farnie produced his sole remaining sovereign. + +'All I've got,' he said. 'I'll leave my name and address.' + +'Don't you trouble, young feller me lad,' said the marker, who appeared +to be a very aggressive and unpleasant sort of character altogether, +with meaning, 'I know yer name and I knows yer address. Today fortnight +at the very latest, if _you_ please. You don't want me to 'ave to +go to your master about it, now, do yer? What say? No. Ve' well then. +Today fortnight is the time, and you remember it.' + +What was left of Farnie then rode slowly back to Beckford. Why he went +to Monk on his return probably he could not have explained himself. But +he did go, and, having told his story in full, wound up by asking for a +loan of two pounds. Monk's first impulse was to refer him back to a +previous interview, when matters had been the other way about, that +small affair of the pound on the second morning of the term. Then there +flashed across his mind certain reasons against this move. At present +Farnie's attitude towards him was unpleasantly independent. He made him +understand that he went about with him from choice, and that there was +to be nothing of the patron and dependant about their alliance. If he +were to lend him the two pounds now, things would alter. And to have +got a complete hold over Master Reginald Farnie, Monk would have paid +more than two pounds. Farnie had the intelligence to carry through +anything, however risky, and there were many things which Monk would +have liked to do, but, owing to the risks involved, shirked doing for +himself. Besides, he happened to be in funds just now. + +'Well, look here, old chap,' he said, 'let's have strict business +between friends. If you'll pay me back four quid at the end of term, +you shall have the two pounds. How does that strike you?' + +It struck Farnie, as it would have struck most people, that if this was +Monk's idea of strict business, there were the makings of no ordinary +financier in him. But to get his two pounds he would have agreed to +anything. And the end of term seemed a long way off. + +The awkward part of the billiard-playing episode was that the +punishment for it, if detected, was not expulsion, but flogging. And +Farnie resembled the lady in _The Ingoldsby Legends_ who 'didn't +mind death, but who couldn't stand pinching'. He didn't mind +expulsion--he was used to it, but he could _not_ stand flogging. + +'That'll be all right,' he said. And the money changed hands. + + + + +[6] + +--AND STAYS THERE + + +'I say,' said Baker of Jephson's excitedly some days later, reeling +into the study which he shared with Norris, '_have_ you seen the +team the M.C.C.'s bringing down?' + +At nearly every school there is a type of youth who asks this question +on the morning of the M.C.C. match. Norris was engaged in putting the +finishing touches to a snow-white pair of cricket boots. + +'No. Hullo, where did you raise that Sporter? Let's have a look.' + +But Baker proposed to conduct this business in person. It is ten times +more pleasant to administer a series of shocks to a friend than to sit +by and watch him administering them to himself. He retained _The +Sportsman_, and began to read out the team. + +'Thought Middlesex had a match,' said Norris, as Baker paused +dramatically to let the name of a world-famed professional sink in. + +'No. They don't play Surrey till Monday.' + +'Well, if they've got an important match like Surrey on on Monday,' +said Norris disgustedly, 'what on earth do they let their best man come +down here today for, and fag himself out?' + +Baker suggested gently that if anybody was going to be fagged out at +the end of the day, it would in all probability be the Beckford +bowlers, and not a man who, as he was careful to point out, had run up +a century a mere three days ago against Yorkshire, and who was +apparently at that moment at the very top of his form. + +'Well,' said Norris, 'he might crock himself or anything. Rank bad +policy, I call it. Anybody else?' + +Baker resumed his reading. A string of unknowns ended in another +celebrity. + +'Blackwell?' said Norris. 'Not O. T. Blackwell?' + +'It says A. T. But,' went on Baker, brightening up again, 'they always +get the initials wrong in the papers. Certain to be O. T. By the way, I +suppose you saw that he made eighty-three against Notts the other day?' + +Norris tried to comfort himself by observing that Notts couldn't bowl +for toffee. + +'Last week, too,' said Baker, 'he made a hundred and forty-six not out +against Malvern for the Gentlemen of Warwickshire. They couldn't get +him out,' he concluded with unction. In spite of the fact that he +himself was playing in the match today, and might under the +circumstances reasonably look forward to a considerable dose of +leather-hunting, the task of announcing the bad news to Norris appeared +to have a most elevating effect on his spirits: + +'That's nothing extra special,' said Norris, in answer to the last item +of information, 'the Malvern wicket's like a billiard-table.' + +'Our wickets aren't bad either at this time of year,' said Baker, 'and +I heard rumours that they had got a record one ready for this match.' + +'It seems to me,' said Norris, 'that what I'd better do if we want to +bat at all today is to win the toss. Though Sammy and the Bishop and +Baynes ought to be able to get any ordinary side out all right.' + +'Only this isn't an ordinary side. It's a sort of improved county +team.' + +'They've got about four men who might come off, but the M.C.C. +sometimes have a bit of a tail. We ought to have a look in if we win +the toss.' + +'Hope so,' said Baker. 'I doubt it, though.' + +At a quarter to eleven the School always went out in a body to inspect +the pitch. After the wicket had been described by experts in hushed +whispers as looking pretty good, the bell rang, and all who were not +playing for the team, with the exception of the lucky individual who +had obtained for himself the post of scorer, strolled back towards the +blocks. Monk had come out with Waterford, but seeing Farnie ahead and +walking alone he quitted Waterford, and attached himself to the genial +Reginald. He wanted to talk business. He had not found the speculation +of the two pounds a very profitable one. He had advanced the money +under the impression that Farnie, by accepting it, was practically +selling his independence. And there were certain matters in which Monk +was largely interested, connected with the breaking of bounds and the +purchase of contraband goods, which he would have been exceedingly glad +to have performed by deputy. He had fancied that Farnie would have +taken over these jobs as part of his debt. But he had mistaken his man. +On the very first occasion when he had attempted to put on the screw, +Farnie had flatly refused to have anything to do with what he proposed. +He said that he was not Monk's fag--a remark which had the merit of +being absolutely true. + +All this, combined with a slight sinking of his own funds, induced Monk +to take steps towards recovering the loan. + +'I say, Farnie, old chap.' + +'Hullo!' + +'I say, do you remember my lending you two quid some time ago?' + +'You don't give me much chance of forgetting it,' said Farnie. + +Monk smiled. He could afford to be generous towards such witticisms. + +'I want it back,' he said. + +'All right. You'll get it at the end of term.' + +'I want it now.' + +'Why?' + +'Awfully hard up, old chap.' + +'You aren't,' said Farnie. 'You've got three pounds twelve and sixpence +half-penny. If you will keep counting your money in public, you can't +blame a chap for knowing how much you've got.' + +Monk, slightly disconcerted, changed his plan of action. He abandoned +skirmishing tactics. + +'Never mind that,' he said, 'the point is that I want that four pounds. +I'm going to have it, too.' + +'I know. At the end of term.' + +'I'm going to have it now.' + +'You can have a pound of it now.' + +'Not enough.' + +'I don't see how you expect me to raise any more. If I could, do you +think I should have borrowed it? You might chuck rotting for a change.' + +'Now, look here, old chap,' said Monk, 'I should think you'd rather +raise that tin somehow than have it get about that you'd been playing +pills at some pub out of bounds. What?' + +Farnie, for one of the few occasions on record, was shaken out of his +usual _sang-froid_. Even in his easy code of morality there had +always been one crime which was an anathema, the sort of thing no +fellow could think of doing. But it was obviously at this that Monk was +hinting. + +'Good Lord, man,' he cried, 'you don't mean to say you're thinking of +sneaking? Why, the fellows would boot you round the field. You couldn't +stay in the place a week.' + +'There are heaps of ways,' said Monk, 'in which a thing can get about +without anyone actually telling the beaks. At present I've not told a +soul. But, you know, if I let it out to anyone they might tell someone +else, and so on. And if everybody knows a thing, the beaks generally +get hold of it sooner or later. You'd much better let me have that four +quid, old chap.' + +Farnie capitulated. + +'All right,' he said, 'I'll get it somehow.' + +'Thanks awfully, old chap,' said Monk, 'so long!' + +In all Beckford there was only one person who was in the least degree +likely to combine the two qualities necessary for the extraction of +Farnie from his difficulties. These qualities were--in the first place +ability, in the second place willingness to advance him, free of +security, the four pounds he required. The person whom he had in his +mind was Gethryn. He had reasoned the matter out step by step during +the second half of morning school. Gethryn, though he had, as Farnie +knew, no overwhelming amount of affection for his uncle, might in a +case of great need prove blood to be thicker (as per advertisement) +than water. But, he reflected, he must represent himself as in danger +of expulsion rather than flogging. He had an uneasy idea that if the +Bishop were to discover that all he stood to get was a flogging, he +would remark with enthusiasm that, as far as he was concerned, the good +work might go on. Expulsion was different. To save a member of his +family from expulsion, he might think it worth while to pass round the +hat amongst his wealthy acquaintances. If four plutocrats with four +sovereigns were to combine, Farnie, by their united efforts, would be +saved. And he rather liked the notion of being turned into a sort of +limited liability company, like the Duke of Plaza Toro, at a pound a +share. It seemed to add a certain dignity to his position. + +To Gethryn's study, therefore, he went directly school was over. If he +had reflected, he might have known that he would not have been there +while the match was going on. But his brain, fatigued with his recent +calculations, had not noted this point. + +The study was empty. + +Most people, on finding themselves in a strange and empty room, are +seized with a desire to explore the same, and observe from internal +evidence what manner of man is the owner. Nowhere does character come +out so clearly as in the decoration of one's private den. Many a man, +at present respected by his associates, would stand forth unmasked at +his true worth, could the world but look into his room. For there they +would see that he was so lost to every sense of shame as to cover his +books with brown paper, or deck his walls with oleographs presented +with the Christmas numbers, both of which habits argue a frame of mind +fit for murderers, stratagems, and spoils. Let no such man be trusted. + +The Bishop's study, which Farnie now proceeded to inspect, was not of +this kind. It was a neat study, arranged with not a little taste. There +were photographs of teams with the College arms on their plain oak +frames, and photographs of relations in frames which tried to look, and +for the most part succeeded in looking, as if they had not cost +fourpence three farthings at a Christmas bargain sale. There were +snap-shots of various moving incidents in the careers of the Bishop and +his friends: Marriott, for example, as he appeared when carried to the +Pavilion after that sensational century against the Authentics: +Robertson of Blaker's winning the quarter mile: John Brown, Norris's +predecessor in the captaincy, and one of the four best batsmen Beckford +had ever had, batting at the nets: Norris taking a skier on the +boundary in last year's M.C.C. match: the Bishop himself going out to +bat in the Charchester match, and many more of the same sort. + +All these Farnie observed with considerable interest, but as he moved +towards the book-shelf his eye was caught by an object more interesting +still. It was a cash-box, simple and unornamental, but undoubtedly a +cash-box, and as he took it up it rattled. + +The key was in the lock. In a boarding House at a public school it is +not, as a general rule, absolutely necessary to keep one's valuables +always hermetically sealed. The difference between _meum_ and +_tuum_ is so very rarely confused by the occupants of such an +establishment, that one is apt to grow careless, and every now and then +accidents happen. An accident was about to happen now. + +It was at first without any motive except curiosity that Farnie opened +the cash-box. He merely wished to see how much there was inside, with a +view to ascertaining what his prospects of negotiating a loan with his +relative were likely to be. When, however, he did see, other feelings +began to take the place of curiosity. He counted the money. There were +ten sovereigns, one half-sovereign, and a good deal of silver. One of +the institutions at Beckford was a mission. The School by (more or +less) voluntary contributions supported a species of home somewhere in +the wilds of Kennington. No one knew exactly what or where this home +was, but all paid their subscriptions as soon as possible in the term, +and tried to forget about it. Gethryn collected not only for +Leicester's House, but also for the Sixth Form, and was consequently, +if only by proxy, a man of large means. _Too_ large, Farnie +thought. Surely four pounds, to be paid back (probably) almost at once, +would not be missed. Why shouldn't he-- + +'Hullo!' + +Farnie spun round. Wilson was standing in the doorway. + +'Hullo, Farnie,' said he, 'what are you playing at in here?' + +'What are you?' retorted Farnie politely. + +'Come to fetch a book. Marriott said I might. What are you up to?' + +'Oh, shut up!' said Farnie. 'Why shouldn't I come here if I like? +Matter of fact, I came to see Gethryn.' + +'He isn't here,' said Wilson luminously. + +'You don't mean to say you've noticed that already? You've got an eye +like a hawk, Wilson. I was just taking a look round, if you really want +to know.' + +'Well, I shouldn't advise you to let Marriott catch you mucking his +study up. Seen a book called _Round the Red Lamp_? Oh, here it is. +Coming over to the field?' + +'Not just yet. I want to have another look round. Don't you wait, +though.' + +'Oh, all right.' And Wilson retired with his book. + +Now, though Wilson at present suspected nothing, not knowing of the +existence of the cash-box, Farnie felt that when the money came to be +missed, and inquiries were made as to who had been in the study, and +when, he would recall the interview. Two courses, therefore, remained +open to him. He could leave the money altogether, or he could take it +and leave himself. In other words, run away. + +In the first case there would, of course, remain the chance that he +might induce Gethryn to lend him the four pounds, but this had never +been more than a forlorn hope; and in the light of the possibilities +opened out by the cash-box, he thought no more of it. The real problem +was, should he or should he not take the money from the cash-box? + +As he hesitated, the recollection of Monk's veiled threats came back to +him, and he wavered no longer. He opened the box again, took out the +contents, and dropped them into his pocket. While he was about it, he +thought he might as well take all as only a part. + +Then he wrote two notes. One--to the Bishop--he placed on top of the +cash-box; the other he placed with four sovereigns on the table in +Monk's study. Finally he left the room, shut the door carefully behind +him, and went to the yard at the back of the House, where he kept his +bicycle. + +The workings of the human mind, and especially of the young human mind, +are peculiar. It never occurred to Farnie that a result equally +profitable to himself, and decidedly more convenient for all +concerned--with the possible exception of Monk--might have been arrived +at if he had simply left the money in the box, and run away without it. + +However, as the poet says, you can't think of everything. + + + + +[7] + +THE BISHOP GOES FOR A RIDE + + +The M.C.C. match opened auspiciously. Norris, for the first time that +season, won the toss. Tom Brown, we read, in a similar position, 'with +the usual liberality of young hands', put his opponents in first. +Norris was not so liberal. He may have been young, but he was not so +young as that. The sun was shining on as true a wicket as was ever +prepared when he cried 'Heads', and the coin, after rolling for some +time in diminishing circles, came to a standstill with the dragon +undermost. And Norris returned to the Pavilion and informed his +gratified team that, all things considered, he rather thought that they +would bat, and he would be obliged if Baker would get on his pads and +come in first with him. + +The M.C.C. men took the field--O. T. Blackwell, by the way, had shrunk +into a mere brother of the century-making A. T.--and the two School +House representatives followed them. An amateur of lengthy frame took +the ball, a man of pace, to judge from the number of slips. Norris +asked for 'two leg'. An obliging umpire informed him that he had got +two leg. The long bowler requested short slip to stand finer, swung his +arm as if to see that the machinery still worked, and dashed wildly +towards the crease. The match had begun. + +There are few pleasanter or more thrilling moments in one's school +career than the first over of a big match. Pleasant, that is to say, if +you are actually looking on. To have to listen to a match being started +from the interior of a form-room is, of course, maddening. You hear the +sound of bat meeting ball, followed by distant clapping. Somebody has +scored. But who and what? It may be a four, or it may be a mere single. +More important still, it may be the other side batting after all. Some +miscreant has possibly lifted your best bowler into the road. The +suspense is awful. It ought to be a School rule that the captain of the +team should send a message round the form-rooms stating briefly and +lucidly the result of the toss. Then one would know where one was. As +it is, the entire form is dependent on the man sitting under the +window. The form-master turns to write on the blackboard. The only hope +of the form shoots up like a rocket, gazes earnestly in the direction +of the Pavilion, and falls back with a thud into his seat. 'They +haven't started yet,' he informs the rest in a stage whisper. +'Si-_lence_,' says the form-master, and the whole business must be +gone through again, with the added disadvantage that the master now has +his eye fixed coldly on the individual nearest the window, your only +link with the outer world. + +Various masters have various methods under such circumstances. One more +than excellent man used to close his book and remark, 'I think we'll +make up a little party to watch this match.' And the form, gasping its +thanks, crowded to the windows. Another, the exact antithesis of this +great and good gentleman, on seeing a boy taking fitful glances through +the window, would observe acidly, 'You are at perfect liberty, Jones, +to watch the match if you care to, but if you do you will come in in +the afternoon and make up the time you waste.' And as all that could be +seen from that particular window was one of the umpires and a couple of +fieldsmen, Jones would reluctantly elect to reserve himself, and for +the present to turn his attention to Euripides again. + +If you are one of the team, and watch the match from the Pavilion, you +escape these trials, but there are others. In the first few overs of a +School match, every ball looks to the spectators like taking a wicket. +The fiendish ingenuity of the slow bowler, and the lightning speed of +the fast man at the other end, make one feel positively ill. When the +first ten has gone up on the scoring-board matters begin to right +themselves. Today ten went up quickly. The fast man's first ball was +outside the off-stump and a half-volley, and Norris, whatever the state +of his nerves at the time, never forgot his forward drive. Before the +bowler had recovered his balance the ball was half-way to the ropes. +The umpire waved a large hand towards the Pavilion. The bowler looked +annoyed. And the School inside the form-rooms asked itself feverishly +what had happened, and which side it was that was applauding. + +Having bowled his first ball too far up, the M.C.C. man, on the +principle of anything for a change, now put in a very short one. +Norris, a new man after that drive, steered it through the slips, and +again the umpire waved his hand. + +The rest of the over was more quiet. The last ball went for four byes, +and then it was Baker's turn to face the slow man. Baker was a steady, +plodding bat. He played five balls gently to mid-on, and glanced the +sixth for a single to leg. With the fast bowler, who had not yet got +his length, he was more vigorous, and succeeded in cutting him twice +for two. + +With thirty up for no wickets the School began to feel more +comfortable. But at forty-three Baker was shattered by the man of pace, +and retired with twenty to his credit. Gethryn came in next, but it was +not to be his day out with the bat. + +The fast bowler, who was now bowling excellently, sent down one rather +wide of the off-stump. The Bishop made most of his runs from off balls, +and he had a go at this one. It was rising when he hit it, and it went +off his bat like a flash. In a School match it would have been a +boundary. But today there was unusual talent in the slips. The man from +Middlesex darted forward and sideways. He took the ball one-handed two +inches from the ground, and received the applause which followed the +effort with a rather bored look, as if he were saying, 'My good sirs, +_why_ make a fuss over these trifles!' The Bishop walked slowly +back to the Pavilion, feeling that his luck was out, and Pringle came +in. + +A boy of Pringle's character is exactly the right person to go in in an +emergency like the present one. Two wickets had fallen in two balls, +and the fast bowler was swelling visibly with determination to do the +hat-trick. But Pringle never went in oppressed by the fear of getting +out. He had a serene and boundless confidence in himself. + +The fast man tried a yorker. Pringle came down hard on it, and forced +the ball past the bowler for a single. Then he and Norris settled down +to a lengthy stand. + +'I do like seeing Pringle bat,' said Gosling. 'He always gives you the +idea that he's doing you a personal favour by knocking your bowling +about. Oh, well hit!' + +Pringle had cut a full-pitch from the slow bowler to the ropes. +Marriott, who had been silent and apparently in pain for some minutes, +now gave out the following homemade effort: + + A dashing young sportsman named Pringle, + On breaking his duck (with a single), + Observed with a smile, + 'Just notice my style, + How science with vigour I mingle.' + +'Little thing of my own,' he added, quoting England's greatest +librettist. 'I call it "Heart Foam". I shall not publish it. Oh, run it +out!' + +Both Pringle and Norris were evidently in form. Norris was now not far +from his fifty, and Pringle looked as if he might make anything. The +century went up, and a run later Norris off-drove the slow bowler's +successor for three, reaching his fifty by the stroke. + +'Must be fairly warm work fielding today,' said Reece. + +'By Jove!' said Gethryn, 'I forgot. I left my white hat in the House. +Any of you chaps like to fetch it?' + +There were no offers. Gethryn got up. + +'Marriott, you slacker, come over to the House.' + +'My good sir, I'm in next. Why don't you wait till the fellows come out +of school and send a kid for it?' + +'He probably wouldn't know where to find it. I don't know where it is +myself. No, I shall go, but there's no need to fag about it yet. Hullo! +Norris is out.' + +Norris had stopped a straight one with his leg. He had made fifty-one +in his best manner, and the School, leaving the form-rooms at the exact +moment when the fatal ball was being bowled, were just in time to +applaud him and realize what they had missed. + +Gethryn's desire for his hat was not so pressing as to make him deprive +himself of the pleasure of seeing Marriott at the wickets. Marriott +ought to do something special today. Unfortunately, after he had played +out one over and hit two fours off it, the luncheon interval began. + +It was, therefore, not for half an hour that the Bishop went at last in +search of the missing headgear. As luck would have it, the hat was on +the table, so that whatever chance he might have had of overlooking the +note which his uncle had left for him on the empty cash-box +disappeared. The two things caught his eye simultaneously. He opened +the note and read it. It is not necessary to transcribe the note in +detail. It was no masterpiece of literary skill. But it had this merit, +that it was not vague. Reading it, one grasped its meaning +immediately. + +The Bishop's first feeling was that the bottom had dropped out of +everything suddenly. Surprise was not the word. It was the arrival of +the absolutely unexpected. + +Then he began to consider the position. + +Farnie must be brought back. That was plain. And he must be brought +back at once, before anyone could get to hear of what had happened. +Gethryn had the very strongest objections to his uncle, considered +purely as a human being; but the fact remained that he was his uncle, +and the Bishop had equally strong objections to any member of his +family being mixed up in a business of this description. + +Having settled that point, he went on to the next. How was he to be +brought back? He could not have gone far, for he could not have been +gone much more than half an hour. Again, from his knowledge of his +uncle's character, he deduced that he had in all probability not gone +to the nearest station, Horton. At Horton one had to wait hours at a +time for a train. Farnie must have made his way--on his +bicycle--straight for the junction, Anfield, fifteen miles off by a +good road. A train left Anfield for London at three-thirty. It was now +a little past two. On a bicycle he could do it easily, and get back +with his prize by about five, if he rode hard. In that case all would +be well. Only three of the School wickets had fallen, and the pitch was +playing as true as concrete. Besides, there was Pringle still in at one +end, well set, and surely Marriott and Jennings and the rest of them +would manage to stay in till five. They couldn't help it. All they had +to do was to play forward to everything, and they must stop in. He +himself had got out, it was true, but that was simply a regrettable +accident. Not one man in a hundred would have caught that catch. No, +with luck he ought easily to be able to do the distance and get back in +time to go out with the rest of the team to field. + +He ran downstairs and out of the House. On his way to the bicycle-shed +he stopped, and looked towards the field, part of which could be seen +from where he stood. The match had begun again. The fast bowler was +just commencing his run. He saw him tear up to the crease and deliver +the ball. What happened then he could not see, owing to the trees which +stood between him and the School grounds. But he heard the crack of +ball meeting bat, and a great howl of applause went up from the +invisible audience. A boundary, apparently. Yes, there was the umpire +signalling it. Evidently a long stand was going to be made. He would +have oceans of time for his ride. Norris wouldn't dream of declaring +the innings closed before five o'clock at the earliest, and no bowler +could take seven wickets in the time on such a pitch. He hauled his +bicycle from the shed, and rode off at racing speed in the direction of +Anfield. + + + + +[8] + +THE M.C.C. MATCH + + +But out in the field things were going badly with Beckford. The aspect +of a game often changes considerably after lunch. For a while it looked +as if Marriott and Pringle were in for their respective centuries. But +Marriott was never a safe batsman. + +A hundred and fifty went up on the board off a square leg hit for two, +which completed Pringle's half-century, and then Marriott faced the +slow bowler, who had been put on again after lunch. The first ball was +a miss-hit. It went behind point for a couple. The next he got fairly +hold of and drove to the boundary. The third was a very simple-looking +ball. Its sole merit appeared to be the fact that it was straight. Also +it was a trifle shorter than it looked. Marriott jumped out, and got +too much under it. Up it soared, straight over the bowler's head. A +trifle more weight behind the hit, and it would have cleared the ropes. +As it was, the man in the deep-field never looked like missing it. The +batsmen had time to cross over before the ball arrived, but they did it +without enthusiasm. The run was not likely to count. Nor did it. +Deep-field caught it like a bird. Marriott had made twenty-two. + +And now occurred one of those rots which so often happen without any +ostensible cause in the best regulated school elevens. Pringle played +the three remaining balls of the over without mishap, but when it was +the fast man's turn to bowl to Bruce, Marriott's successor, things +began to happen. Bruce, temporarily insane, perhaps through +nervousness, played back at a half-volley, and was clean bowled. Hill +came in, and was caught two balls later at the wicket. And the last +ball of the over sent Jennings's off-stump out of the ground, after +that batsman had scored two. + +'I can always bowl like blazes after lunch,' said the fast man to +Pringle. 'It's the lobster salad that does it, I think.' Four for a +hundred and fifty-seven had changed to seven for a hundred and +fifty-nine in the course of a single over. Gethryn's calculations, if +he had only known, could have done now with a little revision. + +Gosling was the next man. He was followed, after a brief innings of +three balls, which realized eight runs, by Baynes. Baynes, though +abstaining from runs himself, helped Pringle to add three to the score, +all in singles, and was then yorked by the slow man, who meanly and +treacherously sent down, without the slightest warning, a very fast one +on the leg stump. Then Reece came in for the last wicket, and the rot +stopped. Reece always went in last for the School, and the School in +consequence always felt that there were possibilities to the very end +of the innings. + +The lot of a last-wicket man is somewhat trying. As at any moment his +best innings may be nipped in the bud by the other man getting out, he +generally feels that it is hardly worth while to play himself in before +endeavouring to make runs. He therefore tries to score off every ball, +and thinks himself lucky if he gets half a dozen. Reece, however, took +life more seriously. He had made quite an art of last-wicket batting. +Once, against the Butterflies, he had run up sixty not out, and there +was always the chance that he would do the same again. Today, with +Pringle at the other end, he looked forward to a pleasant hour or two +at the wicket. + +No bowler ever looks on the last man quite in the same light as he does +the other ten. He underrates him instinctively. The M.C.C. fast bowler +was a man with an idea. His idea was that he could bowl a slow ball of +diabolical ingenuity. As a rule, public feeling was against his trying +the experiment. His captains were in the habit of enquiring rudely if +he thought he was playing marbles. This was exactly what the M.C.C. +captain asked on the present occasion, when the head ball sailed +ponderously through the air, and was promptly hit by Reece into the +Pavilion. The bowler grinned, and resumed his ordinary pace. + +But everything came alike to Reece. Pringle, too, continued his career +of triumph. Gradually the score rose from a hundred and seventy to two +hundred. Pringle cut and drove in all directions, with the air of a +prince of the blood royal distributing largesse. The second century +went up to the accompaniment of cheers. + +Then the slow bowler reaped his reward, for Pringle, after putting his +first two balls over the screen, was caught on the boundary off the +third. He had contributed eighty-one to a total of two hundred and +thirteen. + +So far Gethryn's absence had not been noticed. But when the umpires had +gone out, and the School were getting ready to take the field, +inquiries were made. + +'You might begin at the top end, Gosling,' said Norris. + +'Right,' said Samuel. 'Who's going on at the other?' + +'Baynes. Hullo, where's Gethryn?' + +'Isn't he here? Perhaps he's in the Pavi--' + +'Any of you chaps seen Gethryn?' + +'He isn't in the Pav.,' said Baker. 'I've just come out of the First +room myself, and he wasn't there. Shouldn't wonder if he's over at +Leicester's.' + +'Dash the man,' said Norris, 'he might have known we'd be going out to +field soon. Anyhow, we can't wait for him. We shall have to field a +sub. till he turns up.' + +'Lorimer's in the Pav., changed,' said Pringle. + +'All right. He'll do.' + +And, reinforced by the gratified Lorimer, the team went on its way. + +In the beginning the fortunes of the School prospered. Gosling opened, +as was his custom, at a tremendous pace, and seemed to trouble the +first few batsmen considerably. A worried-looking little person who had +fielded with immense zeal during the School innings at cover-point took +the first ball. It was very fast, and hit him just under the knee-cap. +The pain, in spite of the pad, appeared to be acute. The little man +danced vigorously for some time, and then, with much diffidence, +prepared himself for the second instalment. + +Now, when on the cricket field, the truculent Samuel was totally +deficient in all the finer feelings, such as pity and charity. He could +see that the batsman was in pain, and yet his second ball was faster +than the first. It came in quickly from the off. The little batsman +went forward in a hesitating, half-hearted manner, and played a clear +two inches inside the ball. The off-stump shot out of the ground. + +'Bowled, Sammy,' said Norris from his place in the slips. + +The next man was a clergyman, a large man who suggested possibilities +in the way of hitting. But Gosling was irresistible. For three balls +the priest survived. But the last of the over, a fast yorker on the leg +stump, was too much for him, and he retired. + +Two for none. The critic in the deck chair felt that the match was as +good as over. + +But this idyllic state of things was not to last. The newcomer, a tall +man with a light moustache, which he felt carefully after every ball, +soon settled down. He proved to be a conversationalist. Until he had +opened his account, which he did with a strong drive to the ropes, he +was silent. When, however, he had seen the ball safely to the boundary, +he turned to Reece and began. + +'Rather a nice one, that. Eh, what? Yes. Got it just on the right +place, you know. Not a bad bat this, is it? What? Yes. One of Slogbury +and Whangham's Sussex Spankers, don't you know. Chose it myself. Had it +in pickle all the winter. Yes.' + +'Play, sir,' from the umpire. + +'Eh, what? Oh, right. Yes, good make these Sussex--_Spankers_. Oh, +well fielded.' + +At the word spankers he had effected another drive, but Marriott at +mid-off had stopped it prettily. + +Soon it began to occur to Norris that it would be advisable to have a +change of bowling. Gosling was getting tired, and Baynes apparently +offered no difficulties to the batsman on the perfect wicket, the +conversational man in particular being very severe upon him. It was at +such a crisis that the Bishop should have come in. He was Gosling's +understudy. But where was he? The innings had been in progress over +half an hour now, and still there were no signs of him. A man, thought +Norris, who could cut off during the M.C.C. match (of all matches!), +probably on some rotten business of his own, was beyond the pale, and +must, on reappearance, be fallen upon and rent. He--here something +small and red whizzed at his face. He put up his hands to protect +himself. The ball struck them and bounded out again. When a fast bowler +is bowling a slip he should not indulge in absent-mindedness. The +conversational man had received his first life, and, as he was careful +to explain to Reece, it was a curious thing, but whenever he was let +off early in his innings he always made fifty, and as a rule a century. +Gosling's analysis was spoilt, and the match in all probability lost. +And Norris put it all down to Gethryn. If he had been there, this would +not have happened. + +'Sorry, Gosling,' he said. + +'All right,' said Gosling, though thinking quite the reverse. And he +walked back to bowl his next ball, conjuring up a beautiful vision in +his mind. J. Douglas and Braund were fielding slip to him in the +vision, while in the background Norris appeared, in a cauldron of +boiling oil. + +'Tut, tut,' said Baker facetiously to the raging captain. + +Baker's was essentially a flippant mind. Not even a moment of solemn +agony, such as this, was sacred to him. + +Norris was icy and severe. + +'If you want to rot about, Baker,' he said, 'perhaps you'd better go +and play stump-cricket with the juniors.' + +'Well,' retorted Baker, with great politeness, 'I suppose seeing you +miss a gaper like that right into your hands made me think I was +playing stump-cricket with the juniors.' + +At this point the conversation ceased, Baker suddenly remembering that +he had not yet received his First Eleven colours, and that it would +therefore be rash to goad the captain too freely, while Norris, for his +part, recalled the fact that Baker had promised to do some Latin verse +for him that evening, and might, if crushed with some scathing +repartee, refuse to go through with that contract. So there was silence +in the slips. + +The partnership was broken at last by a lucky accident. The +conversationalist called his partner for a short run, and when that +unfortunate gentleman had sprinted some twenty yards, reconsidered the +matter and sent him back. Reece had the bails off before the victim had +completed a third of the return journey. + +For some time after this matters began to favour the School again. With +the score at a hundred and five, three men left in two overs, one +bowled by Gosling, the others caught at point and in the deep off +Jennings, who had deposed Baynes. Six wickets were now down, and the +enemy still over a hundred behind. + +But the M.C.C. in its school matches has this peculiarity. However +badly it may seem to stand, there is always something up its sleeve. In +this case it was a professional, a man indecently devoid of anything in +the shape of nerves. He played the bowling with a stolid confidence, +amounting almost to contempt, which struck a chill to the hearts of the +School bowlers. It did worse. It induced them to bowl with the sole +object of getting the conversationalist at the batting end, thus +enabling the professional to pile up an unassuming but rapidly +increasing score by means of threes and singles. + +As for the conversationalist, he had made thirty or more, and wanted +all the bowling he could get. + +'It's a very curious thing,' he said to Reece, as he faced Gosling, +after his partner had scored a three off the first ball of the over, +'but some fellows simply detest fast bowling. Now I--' He never finished +the sentence. When he spoke again it was to begin a new one. + +'How on earth did that happen?' he asked. + +'I think it bowled you,' said Reece stolidly, picking up the two stumps +which had been uprooted by Gosling's express. + +'Yes. But how? Dash it! What? I can't underst--. Most curious thing I +ever--dash it all, you know.' + +He drifted off in the direction of the Pavilion, stopping on the way to +ask short leg his opinion of the matter. + +'Bowled, Sammy,' said Reece, putting on the bails. + +'Well bowled, Gosling,' growled Norris from the slips. + +'Sammy the marvel, by Jove,' said Marriott. 'Switch it on, Samuel, more +and more.' + +'I wish Norris would give me a rest. Where on earth is that man +Gethryn?' + +'Rum, isn't it? There's going to be something of a row about it. Norris +seems to be getting rather shirty. Hullo! here comes the Deathless +Author.' + +The author referred to was the new batsman, a distinguished novelist, +who played a good deal for the M.C.C. He broke his journey to the +wicket to speak to the conversationalist, who was still engaged with +short leg. + +'Bates, old man,' he said, 'if you're going to the Pavilion you might +wait for me. I shall be out in an hour or two.' + +Upon which Bates, awaking suddenly to the position of affairs, went on +his way. + +With the arrival of the Deathless Author an unwelcome change came over +the game. His cricket style resembled his literary style. Both were +straightforward and vigorous. The first two balls he received from +Gosling he drove hard past cover point to the ropes. Gosling, who had +been bowling unchanged since the innings began, was naturally feeling a +little tired. He was losing his length, and bowling more slowly than +was his wont. Norris now gave him a rest for a few overs, Bruce going +on with rather innocuous medium left-hand bowling. The professional +continued to jog along slowly. The novelist hit. Everything seemed to +come alike to him. Gosling resumed, but without effect, while at the +other end bowler after bowler was tried. From a hundred and ten the +score rose and rose, and still the two remained together. A hundred and +ninety went up, and Norris in despair threw the ball to Marriott. + +'Here you are, Marriott,' he said, 'I'm afraid we shall have to try +you.' + +'That's what I call really nicely expressed,' said Marriott to the +umpire. 'Yes, over the wicket.' + +Marriott was a slow, 'House-match' sort of bowler. That is to say, in a +House match he was quite likely to get wickets, but in a First Eleven +match such an event was highly improbable. His bowling looked very +subtle, and if the ball was allowed to touch the ground it occasionally +broke quite a remarkable distance. + +The forlorn hope succeeded. The professional for the first time in his +innings took a risk. He slashed at a very mild ball almost a wide on +the off side. The ball touched the corner of the bat, and soared up in +the direction of cover-point, where Pringle held it comfortably. + +'There you are,' said Marriott, 'when you put a really scientific +bowler on you're bound to get a wicket. Why on earth didn't I go on +before, Norris?' + +'You wait,' said Norris, 'there are five more balls of the over to +come.' + +'Bad job for the batsman,' said Marriott. + +There had been time for a run before the ball reached Pringle, so that +the novelist was now at the batting end. Marriott's next ball was not +unlike his first, but it was straighter, and consequently easier to get +at. The novelist hit it into the road. When it had been brought back he +hit it into the road again. Marriott suggested that he had better have +a man there. + +The fourth ball of the over was too wide to hit with any comfort, and +the batsman let it alone. The fifth went for four to square leg, almost +killing the umpire on its way, and the sixth soared in the old familiar +manner into the road again. Marriott's over had yielded exactly +twenty-two runs. Four to win and two wickets to fall. + +'I'll never read another of that man's books as long as I live,' said +Marriott to Gosling, giving him the ball. 'You're our only hope, Sammy. +Do go in and win.' + +The new batsman had the bowling. He snicked his first ball for a +single, bringing the novelist to the fore again, and Samuel Wilberforce +Gosling vowed a vow that he would dismiss that distinguished novelist. + +But the best intentions go for nothing when one's arm is feeling like +lead. Of all the miserable balls sent down that afternoon that one of +Gosling's was the worst. It was worse than anything of Marriott's. It +flew sluggishly down the pitch well outside the leg stump. The novelist +watched it come, and his eye gleamed. It was about to bounce for the +second time when, with a pleased smile, the batsman stepped out. There +was a loud, musical report, the note of a bat when it strikes the ball +fairly on the driving spot. + +The man of letters shaded his eyes with his hand, and watched the ball +diminish in the distance. + +'I rather think,' said he cheerfully, as a crash of glass told of its +arrival at the Pavilion, 'that that does it.' + +He was perfectly right. It did. + + + + +[9] + +THE BISHOP FINISHES HIS RIDE + + +Gethryn had started on his ride handicapped by two things. He did not +know his way after the first two miles, and the hedges at the roadside +had just been clipped, leaving the roads covered with small thorns. + +It was the former of these circumstances that first made itself +apparent. For two miles the road ran straight, but after that it was +unexplored country. The Bishop, being in both cricket and football +teams, had few opportunities for cycling. He always brought his machine +to School, but he very seldom used it. + +At the beginning of the unexplored country, an irresponsible person +recommended him to go straight on. He couldn't miss the road, said he. +It was straight all the way. Gethryn thanked him, rode on, and having +gone a mile came upon three roads, each of which might quite well have +been considered a continuation of the road on which he was already. One +curved gently off to the right, the other two equally gently to the +left. He dismounted and the feelings of gratitude which he had borne +towards his informant for his lucid directions vanished suddenly. He +gazed searchingly at the three roads, but to single out one of them as +straighter than the other two was a task that baffled him completely. A +sign-post informed him of three things. By following road one he might +get to Brindleham, and ultimately, if he persevered, to Corden. Road +number two would lead him to Old Inns, whatever they might be, with the +further inducement of Little Benbury, while if he cast in his lot with +road three he might hope sooner or later to arrive at Much +Middlefold-on-the-Hill, and Lesser Middlefold-in-the-Vale. But on the +subject of Anfield and Anfield Junction the board was silent. + +Two courses lay open to him. Should he select a route at random, or +wait for somebody to come and direct him? He waited. He went on +waiting. He waited a considerable time, and at last, just as he was +about to trust to luck, and make for Much Middlefold-on-the-Hill, a +figure loomed in sight, a slow-moving man, who strolled down the Old +Inns road at a pace which seemed to argue that he had plenty of time on +his hands. + +'I say, can you tell me the way to Anfield, please?' said the Bishop as +he came up. + +The man stopped, apparently rooted to the spot. He surveyed the Bishop +with a glassy but determined stare from head to foot. Then he looked +earnestly at the bicycle, and finally, in perfect silence, began to +inspect the Bishop again. + +'Eh?' he said at length. + +'Can you tell me the way to Anfield?' + +'Anfield?' + +'Yes. How do I get there?' + +The man perpended, and when he replied did so after the style of the +late and great Ollendorf. + +'Old Inns,' he said dreamily, waving a hand down the road by which he +had come, 'be over there.' + +'Yes, yes, I know,' said Gethryn. + +'Was born at Old Inns, I was,' continued the man, warming to his +subject. 'Lived there fifty-five years, I have. Yeou go straight down +the road an' yeou cam t' Old Inns. Yes, that be the way t' Old Inns.' + +Gethryn nobly refrained from rending the speaker limb from limb. + +'I don't want to know the way to Old Inns,' he said desperately. 'Where +I want to get is Anfield. Anfield, you know. Which way do I go?' + +'Anfield?' said the man. Then a brilliant flash of intelligence +illumined his countenance. 'Whoy, Anfield be same road as Old Inns. +Yeou go straight down the road, an'--' + +'Thanks very much,' said Gethryn, and without waiting for further +revelations shot off in the direction indicated. A quarter of a mile +farther he looked over his shoulder. The man was still there, gazing +after him in a kind of trance. + +The Bishop passed through Old Inns with some way on his machine. He had +much lost time to make up. A signpost bearing the legend 'Anfield four +miles' told him that he was nearing his destination. The notice had +changed to three miles and again to two, when suddenly he felt that +jarring sensation which every cyclist knows. His back tyre was +punctured. It was impossible to ride on. He got off and walked. He was +still in his cricket clothes, and the fact that he had on spiked boots +did not make walking any the easier. His progress was not rapid. + +Half an hour before his one wish had been to catch sight of a +fellow-being. Now, when he would have preferred to have avoided his +species, men seemed to spring up from nowhere, and every man of them +had a remark to make or a question to ask about the punctured tyre. +Reserve is not the leading characteristic of the average yokel. + +Gethryn, however, refused to be drawn into conversation on the subject. +At last one, more determined than the rest, brought him to bay. + +'Hoy, mister, stop,' called a voice. Gethryn turned. A man was running +up the road towards him. + +He arrived panting. + +'What's up?' said the Bishop. + +'You've got a puncture,' said the man, pointing an accusing finger at +the flattened tyre. + +It was not worth while killing the brute. Probably he was acting from +the best motives. + +'No,' said Gethryn wearily, 'it isn't a puncture. I always let the air +out when I'm riding. It looks so much better, don't you think so? Why +did they let you out? Good-bye.' + +And feeling a little more comfortable after this outburst, he wheeled +his bicycle on into Anfield High Street. + +Minds in the village of Anfield worked with extraordinary rapidity. The +first person of whom he asked the way to the Junction answered the +riddle almost without thinking. He left his machine out in the road and +went on to the platform. The first thing that caught his eye was the +station clock with its hands pointing to five past four. And when he +realized that, his uncle's train having left a clear half hour before, +his labours had all been for nothing, the full bitterness of life came +home to him. + +He was turning away from the station when he stopped. Something else +had caught his eye. On a bench at the extreme end of the platform sat a +youth. And a further scrutiny convinced the Bishop of the fact that the +youth was none other than Master Reginald Farnie, late of Beckford, and +shortly, or he would know the reason why, to be once more of Beckford. +Other people besides himself, it appeared, could miss trains. + +Farnie was reading one of those halfpenny weeklies which--with a nerve +which is the only creditable thing about them--call themselves comic. +He did not see the Bishop until a shadow falling across his paper +caused him to look up. + +It was not often that he found himself unequal to a situation. Monk in +a recent conversation had taken him aback somewhat, but his feelings on +that occasion were not to be compared with what he felt on seeing the +one person whom he least desired to meet standing at his side. His jaw +dropped limply, _Comic Blitherings_ fluttered to the ground. + +The Bishop was the first to speak. Indeed, if he had waited for Farnie +to break the silence, he would have waited long. + +'Get up,' he said. Farnie got up. + +'Come on.' Farnie came. + +'Go and get your machine,' said Gethryn. 'Hurry up. And now you will +jolly well come back to Beckford, you little beast.' + +But before that could be done there was Gethryn's back wheel to be +mended. This took time. It was nearly half past four before they +started. + +'Oh,' said Gethryn, as they were about to mount, 'there's that money. I +was forgetting. Out with it.' + +Ten pounds had been the sum Farnie had taken from the study. Six was +all he was able to restore. Gethryn enquired after the deficit. + +'I gave it to Monk,' said Farnie. + +To Gethryn, in his present frame of mind, the mere mention of Monk was +sufficient to uncork the vials of his wrath. + +'What the blazes did you do that for? What's Monk got to do with it?' + +'He said he'd get me sacked if I didn't pay him,' whined Farnie. + +This was not strictly true. Monk had not said. He had hinted. And he +had hinted at flogging, not expulsion. + +'Why?' pursued the Bishop. 'What had you and Monk been up to?' + +Farnie, using his out-of-bounds adventures as a foundation, worked up a +highly artistic narrative of doings, which, if they had actually been +performed, would certainly have entailed expulsion. He had judged +Gethryn's character correctly. If the matter had been simply a case for +a flogging, the Bishop would have stood aside and let the thing go on. +Against the extreme penalty of School law he felt bound as a matter of +family duty to shield his relative. And he saw a bad time coming for +himself in the very near future. Either he must expose Farnie, which he +had resolved not to do, or he must refuse to explain his absence from +the M.C.C. match, for by now there was not the smallest chance of his +being able to get back in time for the visitors' innings. As he rode on +he tried to imagine what would happen in consequence of that desertion, +and he could not do it. His crime was, so far as he knew, absolutely +without precedent in the School history. + +As they passed the cricket field he saw that it was empty. Stumps were +usually drawn early in the M.C.C. match if the issue of the game was +out of doubt, as the Marylebone men had trains to catch. Evidently this +had happened today. It might mean that the School had won easily--they +had looked like making a big score when he had left the ground--in +which case public opinion would be more lenient towards him. After a +victory a school feels that all's well that ends well. But it might, on +the other hand, mean quite the reverse. + +He put his machine up, and hurried to the study. Several boys, as he +passed them, looked curiously at him, but none spoke to him. + +Marriott was in the study, reading a book. He was still in flannels, +and looked as if he had begun to change but had thought better of it. +As was actually the case. + +'Hullo,' he cried, as Gethryn appeared. 'Where the dickens have you +been all the afternoon? What on earth did you go off like that for?' + +'I'm sorry, old chap,' said the Bishop, 'I can't tell you. I shan't be +able to tell anyone.' + +'But, man! Try and realize what you've done. Do you grasp the fact that +you've gone and got the School licked in the M.C.C. match, and that we +haven't beaten the M.C.C. for about a dozen years, and that if you'd +been there to bowl we should have walked over this time? Do try and +grasp the thing.' + +'Did they win?' + +'Rather. By a wicket. Two wickets, I mean. We made 213. Your bowling +would just have done it.' + +Gethryn sat down. + +'Oh Lord,' he said blankly, 'this is awful!' + +'But, look here, Bishop,' continued Marriott, 'this is all rot. You +can't do a thing like this, and then refuse to offer any explanation, +and expect things to go on just as usual.' + +'I don't,' said Gethryn. 'I know there's going to be a row, but I can't +explain. You'll have to take me on trust.' + +'Oh, as far as I am concerned, it's all right,' said Marriott. 'I know +you wouldn't be ass enough to do a thing like that without a jolly good +reason. It's the other chaps I'm thinking about. You'll find it jolly +hard to put Norris off, I'm afraid. He's most awfully sick about the +match. He fielded badly, which always makes him shirty. Jephson, too. +You'll have a bad time with Jephson. His one wish after the match was +to have your gore and plenty of it. Nothing else would have pleased him +a bit. And think of the chaps in the House, too. Just consider what a +pull this gives Monk and his mob over you. The House'll want some +looking after now, I fancy.' + +'And they'll get it,' said Gethryn. 'If Monk gives me any of his +beastly cheek, I'll knock his head off.' + +But in spite of the consolation which such a prospect afforded him, he +did not look forward with pleasure to the next day, when he would have +to meet Norris and the rest. It would have been bad in any case. He did +not care to think what would happen when he refused to offer the +slightest explanation. + + + + +[10] + +IN WHICH A CASE IS FULLY DISCUSSED + + +Gethryn was right in thinking that the interviews would be unpleasant. +They increased in unpleasantness in arithmetical progression, until +they culminated finally in a terrific encounter with the justly +outraged Norris. + +Reece was the first person to institute inquiries, and if everybody had +resembled him, matters would not have been so bad for Gethryn. Reece +possessed a perfect genius for minding his own business. The dialogue +when they met was brief. + +'Hullo,' said Reece. + +'Hullo,' said the Bishop. + +'Where did you get to yesterday?' said Reece. + +'Oh, I had to go somewhere,' said the Bishop vaguely. + +'Oh? Pity. Wasn't a bad match.' And that was all the comment Reece made +on the situation. + +Gethryn went over to the chapel that morning with an empty sinking +feeling inside him. He was quite determined to offer no single word of +explanation, and he felt that that made the prospect all the worse. +There was a vast uncertainty in his mind as to what was going to +happen. Nobody could actually do anything to him, of course. It would +have been a decided relief to him if anybody had tried that line of +action, for moments occur when the only thing that can adequately +soothe the wounded spirit, is to hit straight from the shoulder at +someone. The punching-ball is often found useful under these +circumstances. As he was passing Jephson's House he nearly ran into +somebody who was coming out. + +'Be firm, my moral pecker,' thought Gethryn, and braced himself up for +conflict. + +'Well, Gethryn?' said Mr Jephson. + +The question 'Well?' especially when addressed by a master to a boy, is +one of the few questions to which there is literally no answer. You can +look sheepish, you can look defiant, or you can look surprised +according to the state of your conscience. But anything in the way of +verbal response is impossible. + +Gethryn attempted no verbal response. + +'Well, Gethryn,' went on Mr Jephson, 'was it pleasant up the river +yesterday?' + +Mr Jephson always preferred the rapier of sarcasm to the bludgeon of +abuse. + +'Yes, sir,' said Gethryn, 'very pleasant.' He did not mean to be +massacred without a struggle. + +'What!' cried Mr Jephson. 'You actually mean to say that you did go up +the river?' + +'No, sir.' + +'Then what do you mean?' + +'It is always pleasant up the river on a fine day,' said Gethryn. + +His opponent, to use a metaphor suitable to a cricket master, changed +his action. He abandoned sarcasm and condescended to direct inquiry. + +'Where were you yesterday afternoon?' he said. + +The Bishop, like Mr Hurry Bungsho Jabberjee, B.A., became at once the +silent tomb. + +'Did you hear what I said, Gethryn?' (icily). 'Where were you yesterday +afternoon?' + +'I can't say, sir.' + +These words may convey two meanings. They may imply ignorance, in which +case the speaker should be led gently off to the nearest asylum. Or +they may imply obstinacy. Mr Jephson decided that in the present case +obstinacy lay at the root of the matter. He became icier than ever. + +'Very well, Gethryn,' he said, 'I shall report this to the Headmaster.' + +And Gethryn, feeling that the conference was at an end, proceeded on +his way. + +After chapel there was Norris to be handled. Norris had been rather +late for chapel that morning, and had no opportunity of speaking to the +Bishop. But after the service was over, and the School streamed out of +the building towards their respective houses, he waylaid him at the +door, and demanded an explanation. The Bishop refused to give one. +Norris, whose temper never had a chance of reaching its accustomed +tranquillity until he had consumed some breakfast--he hated early +morning chapel--raved. The Bishop was worried, but firm. + +'Then you mean to say--you don't mean to say--I mean, you don't intend +to explain?' said Norris finally, working round for the twentieth time +to his original text. + +'I can't explain.' + +'You won't, you mean.' + +'Yes. I'll apologize if you like, but I won't explain.' + +Norris felt the strain was becoming too much for him. + +'Apologize!' he moaned, addressing circumambient space. 'Apologize! A +man cuts off in the middle of the M.C.C. match, loses us the game, and +then comes back and offers to apologize.' + +'The offer's withdrawn,' put in Gethryn. 'Apologies and explanations +are both off.' It was hopeless to try and be conciliatory under the +circumstances. They did not admit of it. + +Norris glared. + +'I suppose,' he said, 'you don't expect to go on playing for the First +after this? We can't keep a place open for you in the team on the off +chance of your not having a previous engagement, you know.' + +'That's your affair,' said the Bishop, 'you're captain. Have you +finished your address? Is there anything else you'd like to say?' + +Norris considered, and, as he went in at Jephson's gate, wound up with +this Parthian shaft-- + +'All I can say is that you're not fit to be at a public school. They +ought to sack a chap for doing that sort of thing. If you'll take my +advice, you'll leave.' + +About two hours afterwards Gethryn discovered a suitable retort, but, +coming to the conclusion that better late than never does not apply to +repartees, refrained from speaking it. + +It was Mr Jephson's usual custom to sally out after supper on Sunday +evenings to smoke a pipe (or several pipes) with one of the other +House-masters. On this particular evening he made for Robertson's, +which was one of the four Houses on the opposite side of the School +grounds. He could hardly have selected a better man to take his +grievance to. Mr Robertson was a long, silent man with grizzled hair, +and an eye that pierced like a gimlet. He had the enviable reputation +of keeping the best order of any master in the School. He was also one +of the most popular of the staff. This was all the more remarkable from +the fact that he played no games. + +To him came Mr Jephson, primed to bursting point with his grievance. + +'Anything wrong, Jephson?' said Mr Robertson. + +'Wrong? I should just think there was. Did you happen to be looking at +the match yesterday, Robertson?' + +Mr Robertson nodded. + +'I always watch School matches. Good match. Norris missed a bad catch +in the slips. He was asleep.' + +Mr Jephson conceded the point. It was trivial. + +'Yes,' he said, 'he should certainly have held it. But that's a mere +detail. I want to talk about Gethryn. Do you know what he did +yesterday? I never heard of such a thing in my life, never. Went off +during the luncheon interval without a word, and never appeared again +till lock-up. And now he refuses to offer any explanation whatever. I +shall report the whole thing to Beckett. I told Gethryn so this +morning.' + +'I shouldn't,' said Mr Robertson; 'I really think I shouldn't. Beckett +finds the ordinary duties of a Headmaster quite sufficient for his +needs. This business is not in his province at all.' + +'Not in his province? My dear sir, what is a headmaster for, if not to +manage affairs of this sort?' + +Mr Robertson smiled in a sphinx-like manner, and answered, after the +fashion of Socrates, with a question. + +'Let me ask you two things, Jephson. You must proceed gingerly. Now, +firstly, it is a headmaster's business to punish any breach of school +rules, is it not?' + +'Well?' + +'And school prefects do not attend roll-call, and have no restrictions +placed upon them in the matter of bounds?' + +'No. Well?' + +'Then perhaps you'll tell me what School rule Gethryn has broken?' said +Mr Robertson. + +'You see you can't,' he went on. 'Of course you can't. He has not +broken any School rule. He is a prefect, and may do anything he likes +with his spare time. He chooses to play cricket. Then he changes his +mind and goes off to some unknown locality for some reason at present +unexplained. It is all perfectly legal. Extremely quaint behaviour on +his part, I admit, but thoroughly legal.' + +'Then nothing can be done,' exclaimed Mr Jephson blankly. 'But it's +absurd. Something must be done. The thing can't be left as it is. It's +preposterous!' + +'I should imagine,' said Mr Robertson, 'from what small knowledge I +possess of the Human Boy, that matters will be made decidedly +unpleasant for the criminal.' + +'Well, I know one thing; he won't play for the team again.' + +'There is something very refreshing about your logic, Jephson. Because +a boy does not play in one match, you will not let him play in any of +the others, though you admit his absence weakens the team. However, I +suppose that is unavoidable. Mind you, I think it is a pity. Of course +Gethryn has some explanation, if he would only favour us with it. +Personally I think rather highly of Gethryn. So does poor old +Leicester. He is the only Head-prefect Leicester has had for the last +half-dozen years who knows even the rudiments of his business. But it's +no use my preaching his virtues to you. You wouldn't listen. Take +another cigar, and let's talk about the weather.' + +Mr Jephson took the proffered weed, and the conversation, though it did +not turn upon the suggested topic, ceased to have anything to do with +Gethryn. + +The general opinion of the School was dead against the Bishop. One or +two of his friends still clung to a hope that explanations might come +out, while there were also a few who always made a point of thinking +differently from everybody else. Of this class was Pringle. On the +Monday after the match he spent the best part of an hour of his +valuable time reasoning on the subject with Lorimer. Lorimer's vote +went with the majority. Although he had fielded for the Bishop, he was +not, of course, being merely a substitute, allowed to bowl, as the +Bishop had had his innings, and it had been particularly galling to him +to feel that he might have saved the match, if it had only been +possible for him to have played a larger part. + +'It's no good jawing about it,' he said, 'there isn't a word to say for +the man. He hasn't a leg to stand on. Why, it would be bad enough in a +House or form match even, but when it comes to first matches--!' Here +words failed Lorimer. + +'Not at all,' said Pringle, unmoved. 'There are heaps of reasons, jolly +good reasons, why he might have gone away.' + +'Such as?' said Lorimer. + +'Well, he might have been called away by a telegram, for instance.' + +'What rot! Why should he make such a mystery of it if that was all?' + +'He'd have explained all right if somebody had asked him properly. You +get a chap like Norris, who, when he loses his hair, has got just about +as much tact as a rhinoceros, going and ballyragging the man, and no +wonder he won't say anything. I shouldn't myself.' + +'Well, go and talk to him decently, then. Let's see you do it, and I'll +bet it won't make a bit of difference. What the chap has done is to go +and get himself mixed up in some shady business somewhere. That's the +only thing it can be.' + +'Rot,' said Pringle, 'the Bishop isn't that sort of chap.' + +'You can't tell. I say,' he broke off suddenly, 'have you done that +poem yet?' + +Pringle started. He had not so much as begun that promised epic. + +'I--er--haven't quite finished it yet. I'm thinking it out, you know. +Getting a sort of general grip of the thing.' + +'Oh. Well, I wish you'd buck up with it. It's got to go in tomorrow +week.' + +'Tomorrow week. Tuesday the what? Twenty-second, isn't it? Right. I'll +remember. Two days after the O.B.s' match. That'll fix it in my mind. +By the way, your people are going to come down all right, aren't they? +I mean, we shall have to be getting in supplies and so on.' + +'Yes. They'll be coming. There's plenty of time, though, to think of +that. What you've got to do for the present is to keep your mind glued +on the death of Dido.' + +'Rather,' said Pringle, 'I won't forget.' + +This was at six twenty-two p.m. By the time six-thirty boomed from the +College clock-tower, Pringle was absorbing a thrilling work of fiction, +and Dido, her death, and everything connected with her, had faded from +his mind like a beautiful dream. + + + + +[11] + +POETRY AND STUMP-CRICKET + + +The Old Beckfordians' match came off in due season, and Pringle enjoyed +it thoroughly. Though he only contributed a dozen in the first innings, +he made up for this afterwards in the second, when the School had a +hundred and twenty to get in just two hours. He went in first with +Marriott, and they pulled the thing off and gave the School a ten +wickets victory with eight minutes to spare. Pringle was in rare form. +He made fifty-three, mainly off the bowling of a certain J.R. Smith, +whose fag he had been in the old days. When at School, Smith had always +been singularly aggressive towards Pringle, and the latter found that +much pleasure was to be derived from hitting fours off his bowling. +Subsequently he ate more strawberries and cream than were, strictly +speaking, good for him, and did the honours at the study tea-party with +the grace of a born host. And, as he had hoped, Miss Mabel Lorimer +_did_ ask what that silver-plate was stuck on to that bat for. + +It is not to be wondered at that in the midst of these festivities such +trivialities as Lorimer's poem found no place in his thoughts. It was +not until the following day that he was reminded of it. + +That Sunday was a visiting Sunday. Visiting Sundays occurred three +times a term, when everybody who had friends and relations in the +neighbourhood was allowed to spend the day with them. Pringle on such +occasions used to ride over to Biddlehampton, the scene of Farnie's +adventures, on somebody else's bicycle, his destination being the +residence of a certain Colonel Ashby, no relation, but a great friend +of his father's. + +The gallant Colonel had, besides his other merits--which were +numerous--the pleasant characteristic of leaving his guests to +themselves. To be left to oneself under some circumstances is apt to be +a drawback, but in this case there was never any lack of amusements. +The only objection that Pringle ever found was that there was too much +to do in the time. There was shooting, riding, fishing, and also +stump-cricket. Given proper conditions, no game in existence yields to +stump-cricket in the matter of excitement. A stable-yard makes the best +pitch, for the walls stop all hits and you score solely by boundaries, +one for every hit, two if it goes past the coach-room door, four to the +end wall, and out if you send it over. It is perfect. + +There were two junior Ashbys, twins, aged sixteen. They went to school +at Charchester, returning to the ancestral home for the weekend. +Sometimes when Pringle came they would bring a school friend, in which +case Pringle and he would play the twins. But as a rule the programme +consisted of a series of five test matches, Charchester _versus_ +Beckford; and as Pringle was almost exactly twice as good as each of +the twins taken individually, when they combined it made the sides very +even, and the test matches were fought out with the most deadly +keenness. + +After lunch the Colonel was in the habit of taking Pringle for a stroll +in the grounds, to watch him smoke a cigar or two. On this Sunday the +conversation during the walk, after beginning, as was right and proper, +with cricket, turned to work. + +'Let me see,' said the Colonel, as Pringle finished the description of +how point had almost got to the square cut which had given him his +century against Charchester, 'you're out of the Upper Fifth now, aren't +you? I always used to think you were going to be a fixture there. You +are like your father in that way. I remember him at Rugby spending +years on end in the same form. Couldn't get out of it. But you did get +your remove, if I remember?' + +'Rather,' said Pringle, 'years ago. That's to say, last term. And I'm +jolly glad I did, too.' + +His errant memory had returned to the poetry prize once more. + +'Oh,' said the Colonel, 'why is that?' + +Pringle explained the peculiar disadvantages that attended membership +of the Upper Fifth during the summer term. + +'I don't think a man ought to be allowed to spend his money in these +special prizes,' he concluded; 'at any rate they ought to be Sixth Form +affairs. It's hard enough having to do the ordinary work and keep up +your cricket at the same time.' + +'They are compulsory then?' + +'Yes. Swindle, I call it. The chap who shares my study at Beckford is +in the Upper Fifth, and his hair's turning white under the strain. The +worst of it is, too, that I've promised to help him, and I never seem +to have any time to give to the thing. I could turn out a great poem if +I had an hour or two to spare now and then.' + +'What's the subject?' + +'Death of Dido this year. They are always jolly keen on deaths. Last +year it was Cato, and the year before Julius Caesar. They seem to have +very morbid minds. I think they might try something cheerful for a +change.' + +'Dido,' said the Colonel dreamily. 'Death of Dido. Where have I heard +either a story or a poem or a riddle or something in some way connected +with the death of Dido? It was years ago, but I distinctly remember +having heard somebody mention the occurrence. Oh, well, it will come +back presently, I dare say.' + +It did come back presently. The story was this. A friend of Colonel +Ashby's--the one-time colonel of his regiment, to be exact--was an +earnest student of everything in the literature of the country that +dealt with Sport. This gentleman happened to read in a publisher's list +one day that a limited edition of _The Dark Horse_, by a Mr Arthur +James, was on sale, and might be purchased from the publisher by all +who were willing to spend half a guinea to that end. + +'Well, old Matthews,' said the Colonel, 'sent off for this book. +Thought it must be a sporting novel, don't you know. I shall never +forget his disappointment when he opened the parcel. It turned out to +be a collection of poems. _The Dark Horse, and Other Studies in the +Tragic_, was its full title.' + +'Matthews never had a soul for poetry, good or bad. _The Dark +Horse_ itself was about a knight in the Middle Ages, you know. Great +nonsense it was, too. Matthews used to read me passages from time to +time. When he gave up the regiment he left me the book as a farewell +gift. He said I was the only man he knew who really sympathized with +him in the affair. I've got it still. It's in the library somewhere, if +you care to look at it. What recalled it to my mind was your mention of +Dido. The second poem was about the death of Dido, as far as I can +remember. I'm no judge of poetry, but it didn't strike me as being very +good. At the same time, you might pick up a hint or two from it. It +ought to be in one of the two lower shelves on the right of the door as +you go in. Unless it has been taken away. That is not likely, though. +We are not very enthusiastic poetry readers here.' + +Pringle thanked him for his information, and went back to the +stable-yard, where he lost the fourth test match by sixteen runs, owing +to preoccupation. You can't play a yorker on the leg-stump with a thin +walking-stick if your mind is occupied elsewhere. And the leg-stump +yorkers of James, the elder (by a minute) of the two Ashbys, were +achieving a growing reputation in Charchester cricket circles. + +One ought never, thought Pringle, to despise the gifts which Fortune +bestows on us. And this mention of an actual completed poem on the very +subject which was in his mind was clearly a gift of Fortune. How much +better it would be to read thoughtfully through this poem, and quarry +out a set of verses from it suitable to Lorimer's needs, than to waste +his brain-tissues in trying to evolve something original from his own +inner consciousness. Pringle objected strongly to any unnecessary waste +of his brain-tissues. Besides, the best poets borrowed. Virgil did it. +Tennyson did it. Even Homer--we have it on the authority of Mr +Kipling--when he smote his blooming lyre went and stole what he thought +he might require. Why should Pringle of the School House refuse to +follow in such illustrious footsteps? + +It was at this point that the guileful James delivered his insidious +yorker, and the dull thud of the tennis ball on the board which served +as the wicket told a listening world that Charchester had won the +fourth test match, and that the scores were now two all. + +But Beckford's star was to ascend again. Pringle's mind was made up. He +would read the printed poem that very night, and before retiring to +rest he would have Lorimer's verses complete and ready to be sent in +for judgement to the examiner. But for the present he would dismiss the +matter from his mind, and devote himself to polishing off the +Charchester champions in the fifth and final test match. And in this he +was successful, for just as the bell rang, summoning the players in to +a well-earned tea, a sweet forward drive from his walking-stick crashed +against the end wall, and Beckford had won the rubber. + +'As the young batsman, undefeated to the last, reached the pavilion,' +said Pringle, getting into his coat, 'a prolonged and deafening salvo +of cheers greeted him. His twenty-three not out, compiled as it was +against the finest bowling Charchester could produce, and on a wicket +that was always treacherous (there's a brick loose at the top end), was +an effort unique in its heroism.' + +'Oh, _come_ on,' said the defeated team. + +'If you have fluked a win,' said James, 'it's nothing much. Wait till +next visiting Sunday.' + +And the teams went in to tea. + +In the programme which Pringle had mapped out for himself, he was to go +to bed with his book at the highly respectable hour of ten, work till +eleven, and then go to sleep. But programmes are notoriously subject to +alterations. Pringle's was altered owing to a remark made immediately +after dinner by John Ashby, who, desirous of retrieving the fallen +fortunes of Charchester, offered to play Pringle a hundred up at +billiards, giving him thirty. Now Pringle's ability in the realm of +sport did not extend to billiards. But the human being who can hear +unmoved a fellow human being offering him thirty start in a game of a +hundred has yet to be born. He accepted the challenge, and permission +to play having been granted by the powers that were, on the +understanding that the cloth was not to be cut and as few cues broken +as possible, the game began, James acting as marker. + +There are doubtless ways by which a game of a hundred up can be got +through in less than two hours, but with Pringle and his opponent +desire outran performance. When the highest break on either side is +six, and the average break two, matters progress with more stateliness +than speed. At last, when the hands of the clock both pointed to the +figure eleven, Pringle, whose score had been at ninety-eight since +half-past ten, found himself within two inches of his opponent's ball, +which was tottering on the very edge of the pocket. He administered the +_coup de grace_ with the air of a John Roberts, and retired +triumphant; while the Charchester representatives pointed out that as +their score was at seventy-four, they had really won a moral victory by +four points. To which specious and unsportsmanlike piece of sophistry +Pringle turned a deaf ear. + +It was now too late for any serious literary efforts. No bard can do +without his sleep. Even Homer used to nod at times. So Pringle +contented himself with reading through the poem, which consisted of +some thirty lines, and copying the same down on a sheet of notepaper +for future reference. After which he went to bed. + +In order to arrive at Beckford in time for morning school, he had to +start from the house at eight o'clock punctually. This left little time +for poetical lights. The consequence was that when Lorimer, on the +following afternoon, demanded the poem as per contract, all that +Pringle had to show was the copy which he had made of the poem in the +book. There was a moment's suspense while Conscience and Sheer +Wickedness fought the matter out inside him, and then Conscience, which +had started on the encounter without enthusiasm, being obviously flabby +and out of condition, threw up the sponge. + +'Here you are,' said Pringle, 'it's only a rough copy, but here it +_is_.' + +Lorimer perused it hastily. + +'But, I say,' he observed in surprised and awestruck tones, 'this is +rather good.' + +It seemed to strike him as quite a novel idea. 'Yes, not bad, is it?' + +'But it'll get the prize.' + +'Oh, we shall have to prevent that somehow.' + +He did not mention how, and Lorimer did not ask. + +'Well, anyhow,' said Lorimer, 'thanks awfully. I hope you've not fagged +about it too much.' + +'Oh no,' said Pringle airily, 'rather not. It's been no trouble at +all.' + +He thus, it will be noticed, concluded a painful and immoral scene by +speaking perfect truth. A most gratifying reflection. + + + + +[12] + +'WE, THE UNDERSIGNED--' + + +Norris kept his word with regard to the Bishop's exclusion from the +Eleven. The team which had beaten the O.B.s had not had the benefit of +his assistance, Lorimer appearing in his stead. Lorimer was a fast +right-hand bowler, deadly in House matches or on a very bad wicket. He +was the mainstay of the Second Eleven attack, and in an ordinary year +would have been certain of his First Eleven cap. This season, however, +with Gosling, Baynes, and the Bishop, the School had been unusually +strong, and Lorimer had had to wait. + +The non-appearance of his name on the notice-board came as no surprise +to Gethryn. He had had the advantage of listening to Norris's views on +the subject. But when Marriott grasped the facts of the case, he went +to Norris and raved. Norris, as is right and proper in the captain of a +School team when the wisdom of his actions is called into question, +treated him with no respect whatever. + +'It's no good talking,' he said, when Marriott had finished a brisk +opening speech, 'I know perfectly well what I'm doing.' + +'Then there's no excuse for you at all,' said Marriott. 'If you were +mad or delirious I could understand it.' + +'Come and have an ice,' said Norris. + +'Ice!' snorted Marriott. 'What's the good of standing there babbling +about ices! Do you know we haven't beaten the O.B.s for four years?' + +'We shall beat them this year.' + +'Not without Gethryn.' + +'We certainly shan't beat them with Gethryn, because he's not going to +play. A chap who chooses the day of the M.C.C. match to go off for the +afternoon, and then refuses to explain, can consider himself jolly well +chucked until further notice. Feel ready for that ice yet?' + +'Don't be an ass.' + +'Well, if ever you do get any ice, take my tip and tie it carefully +round your head in a handkerchief. Then perhaps you'll be able to see +why Gethryn isn't playing against the O.B.s on Saturday.' + +And Marriott went off raging, and did not recover until late in the +afternoon, when he made eighty-three in an hour for Leicester's House +in a scratch game. + +There were only three of the eleven Houses whose occupants seriously +expected to see the House cricket cup on the mantelpiece of their +dining-room at the end of the season. These were the School House, +Jephson's, and Leicester's. In view of Pringle's sensational feats +throughout the term, the knowing ones thought that the cup would go to +the School House, with Leicester's runners-up. The various members of +the First Eleven were pretty evenly distributed throughout the three +Houses. Leicester's had Gethryn, Reece, and Marriott. Jephson's relied +on Norris, Bruce, and Baker. The School House trump card was Pringle, +with Lorimer and Baynes to do the bowling, and Hill of the First Eleven +and Kynaston and Langdale of the second to back him up in the batting +department. Both the other First Eleven men were day boys. + +The presence of Gosling in any of the House elevens, however weak on +paper, would have lent additional interest to the fight for the cup; +for in House matches, where every team has more or less of a tail, one +really good fast bowler can make a surprising amount of difference to a +side. + +There was a great deal of interest in the School about the House cup. +The keenest of all games at big schools are generally the House +matches. When Beckford met Charchester or any of the four schools which +it played at cricket and football, keenness reached its highest pitch. +But next to these came the House matches. + +Now that he no longer played for the Eleven, the Bishop was able to +give his whole mind to training the House team in the way it should go. +Exclusion from the First Eleven meant also that he could no longer, +unless possessed of an amount of _sang-froid_ so colossal as +almost to amount to genius, put in an appearance at the First Eleven +net. Under these circumstances Leicester's net summoned him. Like Mr +Phil May's lady when she was ejected (with perfect justice) by a +barman, he went somewhere where he would be respected. To the House, +then, he devoted himself, and scratch games and before-breakfast +field-outs became the order of the day. + +House fielding before breakfast is one of the things which cannot be +classed under the head of the Lighter Side of Cricket. You get up in +the small hours, dragged from a comfortable bed by some sportsman who, +you feel, carries enthusiasm to a point where it ceases to be a virtue +and becomes a nuisance. You get into flannels, and, still half asleep, +stagger off to the field, where a hired ruffian hits you up catches +which bite like serpents and sting like adders. From time to time he +adds insult to injury by shouting 'get to 'em!', 'get to 'em!'--a +remark which finds but one parallel in the language, the 'keep moving' +of the football captain. Altogether there are many more pleasant +occupations than early morning field-outs, and it requires a +considerable amount of keenness to carry the victim through them +without hopelessly souring his nature and causing him to foster +uncharitable thoughts towards his House captain. + +J. Monk of Leicester's found this increased activity decidedly +uncongenial. He had no real patriotism in him. He played cricket well, +but he played entirely for himself. + +If, for instance, he happened to make fifty in a match--and it happened +fairly frequently--he vastly preferred that the rest of the side should +make ten between them than that there should be any more half-centuries +on the score sheet, even at the expense of losing the match. It was not +likely, therefore, that he would take kindly to this mortification of +the flesh, the sole object of which was to make everybody as +conspicuous as everybody else. Besides, in the matter of fielding he +considered that he had nothing to learn, which, as Euclid would say, +was absurd. Fielding is one of the things which is never perfect. + +Monk, moreover, had another reason for disliking the field-outs. +Gethryn, as captain of the House team, was naturally master of the +ceremonies, and Monk objected to Gethryn. For this dislike he had solid +reasons. About a fortnight after the commencement of term, the Bishop, +going downstairs from his study one afternoon, was aware of what +appeared to be a species of free fight going on in the doorway of the +senior day-room. The senior day-room was where the rowdy element of the +House collected, the individuals who were too old to be fags, and too +low down in the School to own studies. + +Under ordinary circumstances the Bishop would probably have passed on +without investigating the matter. A head of a house hates above all +things to get a name for not minding his own business in unimportant +matters. Such a reputation tells against him when he has to put his +foot down over big things. To have invaded the senior day-room and +stopped a conventional senior day-room 'rag' would have been +interfering with the most cherished rights of the citizens, the freedom +which is the birthright of every Englishman, so to speak. + +But as he passed the door which had just shut with a bang behind the +free fighters, he heard Monk's voice inside, and immediately afterwards +the voice of Danvers, and he stopped. In the first place, he reasoned +within himself, if Monk and Danvers were doing anything, it was +probably something wrong, and ought to be stopped. Gethryn always had +the feeling that it was his duty to go and see what Monk and Danvers +were doing, and tell them they mustn't. He had a profound belief in +their irreclaimable villainy. In the second place, having studies of +their own, they had no business to be in the senior day-room at all. It +was contrary to the etiquette of the House for a study man to enter the +senior day-room, and as a rule the senior day-room resented it. As to +all appearances they were not resenting it now, the obvious conclusion +was that something was going on which ought to cease. + +The Bishop opened the door. Etiquette did not compel the head of the +House to knock, the rule being that you knocked only at the doors of +those senior to you in the House. He was consequently enabled to +witness a tableau which, if warning had been received of his coming, +would possibly have broken up before he entered. In the centre of the +group was Wilson, leaning over the study table, not so much as if he +liked so leaning as because he was held in that position by Danvers. In +the background stood Monk, armed with a walking-stick. Round the walls +were various ornaments of the senior day-room in attitudes of expectant +attention, being evidently content to play the part of 'friends and +retainers', leaving the leading parts in the hands of Monk and his +colleague. + +'Hullo,' said the Bishop, 'what's going on?' + +'It's all right, old chap,' said Monk, grinning genially, 'we're only +having an execution.' + +'What's the row?' said the Bishop. 'What's Wilson been doing?' + +'Nothing,' broke in that youth, who had wriggled free from Danvers's +clutches. 'I haven't done a thing, Gethryn. These beasts lugged me out +of the junior day-room without saying what for or anything.' + +The Bishop began to look dangerous. This had all the outward aspect of +a case of bullying. Under Reynolds's leadership Leicester's had gone in +rather extensively for bullying, and the Bishop had waited hungrily for +a chance of catching somebody actively engaged in the sport, so that he +might drop heavily on that person and make life unpleasant for him. + +'Well?' he said, turning to Monk, 'let's have it. What was it all +about, and what have you got to do with it?' + +Monk began to shuffle. + +'Oh, it was nothing much,' he said. + +'Then what are you doing with the stick?' pursued the Bishop +relentlessly. + +'Young Wilson cheeked Perkins,' said Monk. + +Murmurs of approval from the senior day-room. Perkins was one of the +ornaments referred to above. + +'How?' asked Gethryn. + +Wilson dashed into the conversation again. + +'Perkins told me to go and get him some grub from the shop. I was doing +some work, so I couldn't. Besides, I'm not his fag. If Perkins wants to +go for me, why doesn't he do it himself, and not get about a hundred +fellows to help him?' + +'Exactly,' said the Bishop. 'A very sensible suggestion. Perkins, fall +upon Wilson and slay him. I'll see fair play. Go ahead.' + +'Er--no,' said Perkins uneasily. He was a small, weedy-looking youth, +not built for fighting except by proxy, and he remembered the episode +of Wilson and Skinner. + +'Then the thing's finished,' said Gethryn. 'Wilson walks over. We +needn't detain you, Wilson.' + +Wilson departed with all the honours of war, and the Bishop turned to +Monk. + +'Now perhaps you'll tell me,' he said, 'what the deuce you and Danvers +are doing here?' + +'Well, hang it all, old chap--' + +The Bishop begged that Monk would not call him 'old chap'. + +'I'll call you "sir", if you like,' said Monk. + +A gleam of hope appeared in the Bishop's eye. Monk was going to give +him the opportunity he had long sighed for. In cold blood he could +attack no one, not even Monk, but if he was going to be rude, that +altered matters. + +'What business have you in the day-room?' he said. 'You've got studies +of your own.' + +'If it comes to that,' said Monk, 'so have you. We've got as much +business here as you. What the deuce are you doing here?' + +Taken by itself, taken neat, as it were, this repartee might have been +insufficient to act as a _casus belli_, but by a merciful +dispensation of Providence the senior day-room elected to laugh at the +remark, and to laugh loudly. Monk also laughed. Not, however, for long. +The next moment the Bishop had darted in, knocked his feet from under +him, and dragged him to the door. Captain Kettle himself could not have +done it more neatly. + +'Now,' said the Bishop, 'we can discuss the point.' + +Monk got up, looking greener than usual, and began to dust his clothes. + +'Don't talk rot,' he said, 'I can't fight a prefect.' + +This, of course, the Bishop had known all along. What he had intended +to do if Monk had kept up his end he had not decided when he embarked +upon the engagement. The head of a House cannot fight by-battles with +his inferiors without the loss of a good deal of his painfully acquired +dignity. But Gethryn knew Monk, and he had felt justified in risking +it. He improved the shining hour with an excursus on the subject of +bullying, dispensed a few general threats, and left the room. + +Monk had--perhaps not unnaturally--not forgotten the incident, and now +that public opinion ran strongly against Gethryn on account of his +M.C.C. match manoeuvres, he acted. A mass meeting of the Mob was called +in his study, and it was unanimously voted that field-outs in the +morning were undesirable, and that it would be judicious if the team +were to strike. Now, as the Mob included in their numbers eight of the +House Eleven, their opinions on the subject carried weight. + +'Look here,' said Waterford, struck with a brilliant idea, 'I tell you +what we'll do. Let's sign a round-robin refusing to play in the House +matches unless Gethryn resigns the captaincy and the field-outs stop.' + +'We may as well sign in alphabetical order,' said Monk prudently. +'It'll make it safer.' + +The idea took the Mob's fancy. The round-robin was drawn up and signed. + +'Now, if we could only get Reece,' suggested Danvers. 'It's no good +asking Marriott, but Reece might sign.' + +'Let's have a shot at any rate,' said Monk. + +And a deputation, consisting of Danvers, Waterford, and Monk, duly +waited upon Reece in his study, and broached the project to him. + + + + +[13] + +LEICESTER'S HOUSE TEAM GOES INTO A SECOND EDITION + + +Reece was working when the deputation entered. He looked up +enquiringly, but if he was pleased to see his visitors he managed to +conceal the fact. + +'Oh, I say, Reece,' began Monk, who had constituted himself spokesman +to the expedition, 'are you busy?' + +'Yes,' said Reece simply, going on with his writing. + +This might have discouraged some people, but Nature had equipped Monk +with a tough skin, which hints never pierced. He dropped into a chair, +crossed his legs, and coughed. Danvers and Waterford leaned in +picturesque attitudes against the door and mantelpiece. There was a +silence for a minute, during which Reece continued to write unmoved. + +'Take a seat, Monk,' he said at last, without looking up. + +'Oh, er, thanks, I have,' said Monk. 'I say, Reece, we wanted to speak +to you.' + +'Go ahead then,' said Reece. 'I can listen and write at the same time. +I'm doing this prose against time.' + +'It's about Gethryn.' + +'What's Gethryn been doing?' + +'Oh, I don't know. Nothing special. It's about his being captain of the +House team. The chaps seem to think he ought to resign.' + +'Which chaps?' enquired Reece, laying down his pen and turning round in +his chair. + +'The rest of the team, you know.' + +'Why don't they think he ought to be captain? The head of the House is +always captain of the House team unless he's too bad to be in it at +all. Don't the chaps think Gethryn's good at cricket?' + +'Oh, he's good enough,' said Monk. 'It's more about this M.C.C. match +business, you know. His cutting off like that in the middle of the +match. The chaps think the House ought to take some notice of it. +Express its disapproval, and that sort of thing.' + +'And what do the chaps think of doing about it?' + +Monk inserted a hand in his breast-pocket, and drew forth the +round-robin. He straightened it out, and passed it over to Reece. + +'We've drawn up this notice,' he said, 'and we came to see if you'd +sign it. Nearly all the other chaps in the team have.' + +Reece perused the document gravely. Then he handed it back to its +owner. + +'What rot,' said he. + +'I don't think so at all,' said Monk. + +'Nor do I,' broke in Danvers, speaking for the first time. 'What else +can we do? We can't let a chap like Gethryn stick to the captaincy.' + +'Why not?' + +'A cad like that!' + +'That's a matter of opinion. I don't suppose everyone thinks him a cad. +I don't, personally.' + +'Well, anyway,' asked Waterford, 'are you going to sign?' + +'My good man, of course I'm not. Do you mean to say you seriously +intend to hand in that piffle to Gethryn?' + +'Rather,' said Monk. + +'Then you'll be making fools of yourselves. I'll tell you exactly +what'll happen, if you care to know. Gethryn will read this rot, and +simply cut everybody whose name appears on the list out of the House +team. I don't know if you're aware of it, but there are several other +fellows besides you in the House. And if you come to think of it, you +aren't so awfully good. You three are in the Second. The other five +haven't got colours at all.' + +'Anyhow, we're all in the House team,' said Monk. + +'Don't let that worry you,' said Reece, 'you won't be long, if you show +Gethryn that interesting document. Anything else I can do for you?' + +'No, thanks,' said Monk. And the deputation retired. + +When they had gone, Reece made his way to the Bishop's study. It was +not likely that the deputation would deliver their ultimatum until late +at night, when the study would be empty. From what Reece knew of Monk, +he judged that it would be pleasanter to him to leave the document +where the Bishop could find it in the morning, rather than run the +risks that might attend a personal interview. There was time, +therefore, to let Gethryn know what was going to happen, so that he +might not be surprised into doing anything rash, such as resigning the +captaincy, for example. Not that Reece thought it likely that he would, +but it was better to take no risks. + +Both Marriott and Gethryn were in the study when he arrived. + +'Hullo, Reece,' said Marriott, 'come in and take several seats. Have + a biscuit? Have two. Have a good many.' + +Reece helped himself, and gave them a brief description of the late +interview. + +'I'm not surprised,' said Gethryn, 'I thought Monk would be getting at +me somehow soon. I shall _have_ to slay that chap someday. What +ought I to do, do you think?' + +'My dear chap,' said Marriott, 'there's only one thing you can do. Cut +the lot of them out of the team, and fill up with substitutes.' + +Reece nodded approval. + +'Of course. That's what you must do. As a matter of fact, I told them +you would. I've given you a reputation. You must live up to it.' + +'Besides,' continued Marriott, 'after all it isn't such a crusher, when +you come to think of it. Only four of them are really certainties for +their places, Monk, Danvers, Waterford, and Saunders. The rest are +simply tail.' + +Reece nodded again. 'Great minds think alike. Exactly what I told them, +only they wouldn't listen.' + +'Well, whom do you suggest instead of them? Some of the kids are jolly +keen and all that, but they wouldn't be much good against Baynes and +Lorimer, for instance.' + +'If I were you,' said Marriott, 'I shouldn't think about their batting +at all. I should go simply for fielding. With a good fielding side we +ought to have quite a decent chance. There's no earthly reason why you +and Reece shouldn't put on enough for the first wicket to win all the +matches. It's been done before. Don't you remember the School House +getting the cup four years ago when Twiss was captain? They had nobody +who was any earthly good except Twiss and Birch, and those two used to +make about a hundred and fifty between them in every match. Besides, +some of the kids can bat rather well. Wilson for one. He can bowl, +too.' + +'Yes,' said the Bishop, 'all right. Stick down Wilson. Who else? +Gregson isn't bad. He can field in the slips, which is more than a good +many chaps can.' + +'Gregson's good,' said Reece, 'put him down. That makes five. You might +have young Lee in too. I've seen him play like a book at his form net +once or twice.' + +'Lee--six. Five more wanted. Where's a House list? Here we are. Now. +Adams, Bond, Brown, Burgess. Burgess has his points. Shall I stick him +down?' + +'Not presume to dictate,' said Marriott, 'but Adams is streets better +than Burgess as a field, and just as good a bat.' + +'Why, when have you seen him?' + +'In a scratch game between his form and another. He was carting all +over the shop. Made thirty something.' + +'We'll have both of them in, then. Plenty of room. This is the team so +far. Wilson, Gregson, Lee, Adams, and Burgess, with Marriott, Reece, +and Gethryn. Jolly hot stuff it is, too, by Jove. We'll simply walk +that tankard. Now, for the last places. I vote we each select a man, +and nobody's allowed to appeal against the other's decision. I lead off +with Crowinshaw. Good name, Crowinshaw. Look well on a score sheet.' + +'Heave us the list,' said Marriott. 'Thanks. My dear sir, there's only +one man in the running at all, which his name's Chamberlain. Shove down +Joseph, and don't let me hear anyone breathe a word against him. Come +on, Reece, let's have your man. I bet Reece selects some weird rotter.' + +Reece pondered. + +'Carstairs,' he said. + +'Oh, my very dear sir! Carstairs!' + +'All criticism barred,' said the Bishop. + +'Sorry. By the way, what House are we drawn against in the first +round?' + +'Webster's.' + +'Ripping. We can smash Webster's. They've got nobody. It'll be rather a +good thing having an easy time in our first game. We shall be able to +get some idea about the team's play. I shouldn't think we could +possibly get beaten by Webster's.' + +There was a knock at the door. Wilson came in with a request that he +might fetch a book that he had left in the study. + +'Oh, Wilson, just the man I wanted to see,' said the Bishop. 'Wilson, +you're playing against Webster's next week.' + +'By Jove,' said Wilson, 'am I really?' + +He had spent days in working out on little slips of paper during school +his exact chances of getting a place in the House team. Recently, +however, he had almost ceased to hope. He had reckoned on at least +eight of the senior study being chosen before him. + +'Yes,' said the Bishop, 'you must buck up. Practise fielding every +minute of your spare time. Anybody'll hit you up catches if you ask +them.' + +'Right,' said Wilson, 'I will.' + +'All right, then. Go, and tell Lee that I want to see him.' + +'Lee,' said the Bishop, when that worthy appeared, 'I wanted to see +you, to tell you you're playing for the House against Webster's. +Thought you might like to know.' + +'By Jove,' said Lee, 'am I really?' + +'Yes. Buck up with your fielding.' + +'Right,' said Lee. + +'That's all. If you're going downstairs, you might tell Adams to come +up.' + +For a quarter of an hour the Bishop interviewed the junior members of +his team, and impressed on each of them the absolute necessity of +bucking up with his fielding. And each of them protested that the +matter should receive his best consideration. + +'Well, they're keen enough anyway,' said Marriott, as the door closed +behind Carstairs, the last of the new recruits, 'and that's the great +thing. Hullo, who's that? I thought you had worked through the lot. +Come in!' + +A small form appeared in the doorway, carrying in its right hand a +neatly-folded note. + +'Monk told me to give you this, Gethryn.' + +'Half a second,' said the Bishop, as the youth made for the door. +'There may be an answer.' + +'Monk said there wouldn't be one.' + +'Oh. No, it's all right. There isn't an answer.' + +The door closed. The Bishop laughed, and threw the note over to Reece. + +'Recognize it?' + +Reece examined the paper. + +'It's a fair copy. The one Monk showed me was rather smudged. I suppose +they thought you might be hurt if you got an inky round-robin. +Considerate chap, Monk.' + +'Let's have a look,' said Marriott. 'By Jove. I say, listen to this +bit. Like Macaulay, isn't it?' + +He read extracts from the ultimatum. + +'Let's have it,' said Gethryn, stretching out a hand. + +'Not much. I'm going to keep it, and have it framed.' + +'All right. I'm going down now to put up the list.' + +When he had returned to the study, Monk and Danvers came quietly +downstairs to look at the notice-board. It was dark in the passage, and +Monk had to strike a light before he could see to read. + +'By George,' he said, as the match flared up, 'Reece was right. He +has.' + +'Well, there's one consolation,' commented Danvers viciously, 'they +can't possibly get that cup now. They'll have to put us in again soon, +you see if they don't.' + +''M, yes,' said Monk doubtfully. + + + + +[14] + +NORRIS TAKES A SHORT HOLIDAY + + +'It's all rot,' observed Pringle, 'to say that they haven't a chance, +because they have.' + +He and Lorimer were passing through the cricket-field on their way back +from an early morning visit to the baths, and had stopped to look at +Leicester's House team (revised version) taking its daily hour of +fielding practice. They watched the performance keenly and critically, +as spies in an enemy's camp. + +'Who said they hadn't a chance?' said Lorimer. 'I didn't.' + +'Oh, everybody. The chaps call them the Kindergarten and the Kids' +Happy League, and things of that sort. Rot, I call it. They seem to +forget that you only want two or three really good men in a team if the +rest can field. Look at our crowd. They've all either got their +colours, or else are just outside the teams, and I swear you can't rely +on one of them to hold the merest sitter right into his hands.' + +On the subject of fielding in general, and catching in particular, +Pringle was feeling rather sore. In the match which his House had just +won against Browning's, he had put himself on to bowl in the second +innings. He was one of those bowlers who manage to capture from six to +ten wickets in the course of a season, and the occasions on which he +bowled really well were few. On this occasion he had bowled +excellently, and it had annoyed him when five catches, five soft, +gentle catches, were missed off him in the course of four overs. As he +watched the crisp, clean fielding which was shown by the very smallest +of Leicester's small 'tail', he felt that he would rather have any of +that despised eight on his side than any of the School House lights +except Baynes and Lorimer. + +'Our lot's all right, really,' said Lorimer, in answer to Pringle's +sweeping condemnation. 'Everybody has his off days. They'll be all +right next match.' + +'Doubt it,' replied Pringle. 'It's all very well for you. You bowl to +hit the sticks. I don't. Now just watch these kids for a moment. Now! +Look! No, he couldn't have got to that. Wait a second. Now!' + +Gethryn had skied one into the deep. Wilson, Burgess, and Carstairs all +started for it. + +'Burgess,' called the Bishop. + +The other two stopped dead. Burgess ran on and made the catch. + +'Now, there you are,' said Pringle, pointing his moral, 'see how those +two kids stopped when Gethryn called. If that had happened in one of +our matches, you'd have had half a dozen men rotting about underneath +the ball, and getting in one another's way, and then probably winding +up by everybody leaving the catch to everybody else.' + +'Oh, come on,' said Lorimer, 'you're getting morbid. Why the dickens +didn't you think of having our fellows out for fielding practice, if +you're so keen on it?' + +'They wouldn't have come. When a chap gets colours, he seems to think +he's bought the place. You can't drag a Second Eleven man out of his +bed before breakfast to improve his fielding. He thinks it can't be +improved. They're a heart-breaking crew.' + +'Good,' said Lorimer, 'I suppose that includes me?' + +'No. You're a model man. I have seen you hold a catch now and then.' + +'Thanks. Oh, I say, I gave in the poem yesterday. I hope the deuce it +won't get the prize. I hope they won't spot, either, that I didn't +write the thing.' + +'Not a chance,' said Pringle complacently, 'you're all right. Don't you +worry yourself.' + +Webster's, against whom Leicester's had been drawn in the opening round +of the House matches, had three men in their team, and only three, who +knew how to hold a bat. It was the slackest House in the School, and +always had been. It did not cause any overwhelming surprise, +accordingly, when Leicester's beat them without fatigue by an innings +and a hundred and twenty-one runs. Webster's won the toss, and made +thirty-five. For Leicester's, Reece and Gethryn scored fifty and +sixty-two respectively, and Marriott fifty-three not out. They then, +with two wickets down, declared, and rattled Webster's out for seventy. +The public, which had had its eye on the team, in order to see how its +tail was likely to shape, was disappointed. The only definite fact that +could be gleaned from the match was that the junior members of the team +were not to be despised in the field. The early morning field-outs had +had their effect. Adams especially shone, while Wilson at cover and +Burgess in the deep recalled Jessop and Tyldesley. + +The School made a note of the fact. So did the Bishop. He summoned the +eight juniors _seriatim_ to his study, and administered much +praise, coupled with the news that fielding before breakfast would go +on as usual. + +Leicester's had drawn against Jephson's in the second round. Norris's +lot had beaten Cooke's by, curiously enough, almost exactly the same +margin as that by which Leicester's had defeated Webster's. It was +generally considered that this match would decide Leicester's chances +for the cup. If they could beat a really hot team like Jephson's, it +was reasonable to suppose that they would do the same to the rest of +the Houses, though the School House would have to be reckoned with. But +the School House, as Pringle had observed, was weak in the field. It +was not a coherent team. Individually its members were good, but they +did not play together as Leicester's did. + +But the majority of the School did not think seriously of their +chances. Except for Pringle, who, as has been mentioned before, always +made a point of thinking differently from everyone else, no one really +believed that they would win the cup, or even appear in the final. How +could a team whose tail began at the fall of the second wicket defeat +teams which, like the School House, had no real tail at all? + +Norris supported this view. It was for this reason that when, at +breakfast on the day on which Jephson's were due to play Leicester's, +he received an invitation from one of his many uncles to spend a +weekend at his house, he decided to accept it. + +This uncle was a man of wealth. After winning two fortunes on the Stock +Exchange and losing them both, he had at length amassed a third, with +which he retired in triumph to the country, leaving Throgmorton Street +to exist as best it could without him. He had bought a 'show-place' at +a village which lay twenty miles by rail to the east of Beckford, and +it had always been Norris's wish to see this show-place, a house which +was said to combine the hoariest of antiquity with a variety of modern +comforts. + +Merely to pay a flying visit there would be good. But his uncle held +out an additional attraction. If Norris could catch the one-forty from +Horton, he would arrive just in time to take part in a cricket match, +that day being the day of the annual encounter with the neighbouring +village of Pudford. The rector of Pudford, the opposition captain, so +wrote Norris's uncle, had by underhand means lured down three really +decent players from Oxford--not Blues, but almost--who had come to the +village ostensibly to read classics with him as their coach, but in +reality for the sole purpose of snatching from Little Bindlebury (his +own village) the laurels they had so nobly earned the year before. He +had heard that Norris was captaining the Beckford team this year, and +had an average of thirty-eight point nought three two, so would he come +and make thirty-eight point nought three two for Little Bindlebury? + +'This,' thought Norris, 'is Fame. This is where I spread myself. I must +be in this at any price.' + +He showed the letter to Baker. + +'What a pity,' said Baker. + +'What's a pity?' + +'That you won't be able to go. It seems rather a catch.' + +'Can't go?' said Norris; 'my dear sir, you're talking through your hat. +Think I'm going to refuse an invitation like this? Not if I know it. +I'm going to toddle off to Jephson, get an exeat, and catch that +one-forty. And if I don't paralyse the Pudford bowling, I'll shoot +myself.' + +'But the House match! Leicester's! This afternoon!' gurgled the amazed +Baker. + +'Oh, hang Leicester's. Surely the rest of you can lick the Kids' Happy +League without my help. If you can't, you ought to be ashamed of +yourselves. I've chosen you a wicket with my own hands, fit to play a +test match on.' + +'Of course we ought to lick them. But you can never tell at cricket +what's going to happen. We oughtn't to run any risks when we've got +such a good chance of winning the pot. Why, it's centuries since we won +the pot. Don't you go.' + +'I must, man. It's the chance of a lifetime.' + +Baker tried another method of attack. + +'Besides,' he said, 'you don't suppose Jephson'll let you off to play +in a beastly little village game when there's a House match on?' + +'He must never know!' hissed Norris, after the manner of the +Surrey-side villain. + +'He's certain to ask why you want to get off so early.' + +'I shall tell him my uncle particularly wishes me to come early.' + +'Suppose he asks why?' + +'I shall say I can't possibly imagine.' + +'Oh, well, if you're going to tell lies--' + +'Not at all. Merely a diplomatic evasion. I'm not bound to go and sob +out my secrets on Jephson's waistcoat.' + +Baker gave up the struggle with a sniff. Norris went to Mr Jephson and +got leave to spend the week-end at his uncle's. The interview went +without a hitch, as Norris had prophesied. + +'You will miss the House match, Norris, then?' said Mr Jephson. + +'I'm afraid so, sir. But Mr Leicester's are very weak.' + +'H'm. Reece, Marriott, and Gethryn are a good beginning.' + +'Yes, sir. But they've got nobody else. Their tail starts after those +three.' + +'Very well. But it seems a pity.' + +'Thank you, sir,' said Norris, wisely refraining from discussing the +matter. He had got his exeat, which was what he had come for. + +In all the annals of Pudford and Little Bindlebury cricket there had +never been such a match as that year's. The rector of Pudford and his +three Oxford experts performed prodigies with the bat, prodigies, that +is to say, judged from the standpoint of ordinary Pudford scoring, +where double figures were the exception rather than the rule. + +The rector, an elderly, benevolent-looking gentleman, played with +astounding caution and still more remarkable luck for seventeen. +Finally, after he had been in an hour and ten minutes, mid-on accepted +the eighth easy chance offered to him, and the ecclesiastic had to +retire. The three 'Varsity men knocked up a hundred between them, and +the complete total was no less than a hundred and thirty-four. + +Then came the sensation of the day. After three wickets had fallen for +ten runs, Norris and the Little Bindlebury curate, an old Cantab, +stayed together and knocked off the deficit. + +Norris's contribution of seventy-eight not out was for many a day the +sole topic of conversation over the evening pewter at the 'Little +Bindlebury Arms'. A non-enthusiast, who tried on one occasion to +introduce the topic of Farmer Giles's grey pig, found himself the most +unpopular man in the village. + +On the Monday morning Norris returned to Jephson's, with pride in his +heart and a sovereign in his pocket, the latter the gift of his +excellent uncle. + +He had had, he freely admitted to himself, a good time. His uncle had +done him well, exceedingly well, and he looked forward to going to the +show-place again in the near future. In the meantime he felt a languid +desire to know how the House match was going on. They must almost have +finished the first innings, he thought--unless Jephson's had run up a +very big score, and kept their opponents in the field all the +afternoon. + +'Hullo, Baker,' he said, tramping breezily into the study, 'I've had +the time of a lifetime. Great, simply! No other word for it. How's the +match getting on?' + +Baker looked up from the book he was reading. + +'What match?' he enquired coldly. + +'House match, of course, you lunatic. What match did you think I meant? +How's it going on?' + +'It's not going on,' said Baker, 'it's stopped.' + +'You needn't be a funny goat,' said Norris complainingly. 'You know +what I mean. What happened on Saturday?' + +'They won the toss,' began Baker slowly. + +'Yes?' + +'And went in and made a hundred and twenty.' + +'Good. I told you they were no use. A hundred and twenty's rotten.' + +'Then we went in, and made twenty-one.' + +'Hundred and twenty-one.' + +'No. Just a simple twenty-one without any trimmings of any sort.' + +'But, man! How? Why? How on earth did it happen?' + +'Gethryn took eight for nine. Does that seem to make it any clearer?' + +'Eight for nine? Rot.' + +'Show you the score-sheet if you care to see it. In the second +innings--' + +'Oh, you began a second innings?' + +'Yes. We also finished it. We scored rather freely in the second +innings. Ten was on the board before the fifth wicket fell. In the end +we fairly collared the bowling, and ran up a total of forty-eight.' + +Norris took a seat, and tried to grapple with the situation. + +'Forty-eight! Look here, Baker, swear you're not ragging.' + +Baker took a green scoring-book from the shelf and passed it to him. + +'Look for yourself,' he said. + +Norris looked. He looked long and earnestly. Then he handed the book +back. + +'Then they've won!' he said blankly. + +'How do you guess these things?' observed Baker with some bitterness. + +'Well, you are a crew,' said Norris. 'Getting out for twenty-one and +forty-eight! I see Gethryn got nine for thirty in the second innings. +He seems to have been on the spot. I suppose the wicket suited him.' + +'If you can call it a wicket. Next time you specially select a pitch +for the House to play on, I wish you'd hunt up something with some +slight pretensions to decency.' + +'Why, what was wrong with the pitch? It was a bit worn, that was all.' + +'If,' said Baker, 'you call having holes three inches deep just where +every ball pitches being a bit worn, I suppose it was. Anyhow, it would +have been almost as well, don't you think, if you'd stopped and played +for the House, instead of going off to your rotten village match? You +were sick enough when Gethryn went off in the M.C.C. match.' + +'Oh, curse,' said Norris. + +For he had been hoping against hope that the parallel nature of the two +incidents would be less apparent to other people than it was to +himself. + +And so it came about that Leicester's passed successfully through the +first two rounds and soared into the dizzy heights of the semi-final. + + + + +[15] + +_VERSUS_ CHARCHESTER (AT CHARCHESTER) + + +From the fact that he had left his team so basely in the lurch on the +day of an important match, a casual observer might have imagined that +Norris did not really care very much whether his House won the cup or +not. But this was not the case. In reality the success of Jephson's was +a very important matter to him. A sudden whim had induced him to accept +his uncle's invitation, but now that that acceptance had had such +disastrous results, he felt inclined to hire a sturdy menial by the +hour to kick him till he felt better. To a person in such a frame of +mind there are three methods of consolation. He can commit suicide, he +can take to drink, or he can occupy his mind with other matters, and +cure himself by fixing his attention steadily on some object, and +devoting his whole energies to the acquisition of the same. + +Norris chose the last method. On the Saturday week following his +performance for Little Bindlebury, the Beckford Eleven was due to +journey to Charchester, to play the return match against that school on +their opponents' ground, and Norris resolved that that match should be +won. For the next week the team practised assiduously, those members of +it who were not playing in House matches spending every afternoon at +the nets. The treatment was not without its effect. The team had been a +good one before. Now every one of the eleven seemed to be at the very +summit of his powers. New and hitherto unsuspected strokes began to be +developed, leg glances which recalled the Hove and Ranjitsinhji, late +cuts of Palairetical brilliance. In short, all Nature may be said to +have smiled, and by the end of the week Norris was beginning to be +almost cheerful once more. And then, on the Monday before the match, +Samuel Wilberforce Gosling came to school with his right arm in a +sling. Norris met him at the School gates, rubbed his eyes to see +whether it was not after all some horrid optical illusion, and finally, +when the stern truth came home to him, almost swooned with anguish. + +'What? How? Why?' he enquired lucidly. + +The injured Samuel smiled feebly. + +'I'm fearfully sorry, Norris,' he said. + +'Don't say you can't play on Saturday,' moaned Norris. + +'Frightfully sorry. I know it's a bit of a sickener. But I don't see +how I can, really. The doctor says I shan't be able to play for a +couple of weeks.' + +Now that the blow had definitely fallen, Norris was sufficiently +himself again to be able to enquire into the matter. + +'How on earth did you do it? How did it happen?' + +Gosling looked guiltier than ever. + +'It was on Saturday evening,' he said. 'We were ragging about at home a +bit, you know, and my young sister wanted me to send her down a few +balls. Somebody had given her a composition bean and a bat, and she's +been awfully keen on the game ever since she got them.' + +'I think it's simply sickening the way girls want to do everything we +do,' said Norris disgustedly. + +Gosling spoke for the defence. + +'Well, she's only thirteen. You can't blame the kid. Seemed to me a +jolly healthy symptom. Laudable ambition and that sort of thing.' + +'Well?' + +'Well, I sent down one or two. She played 'em like a book. Bit inclined +to pull. All girls are. So I put in a long hop on the off, and she let +go at it like Jessop. She's got a rattling stroke in mid-on's +direction. Well, the bean came whizzing back rather wide on the right. +I doubled across to bring off a beefy c-and-b, and the bally thing took +me right on the tips of the fingers. Those composition balls hurt like +blazes, I can tell you. Smashed my second finger simply into hash, and +I couldn't grip a ball now to save my life. Much less bowl. I'm awfully +sorry. It's a shocking nuisance.' + +Norris agreed with him. It was more than a nuisance. It was a +staggerer. Now that Gethryn no longer figured for the First Eleven, +Gosling was the School's one hope. Baynes was good on his wicket, but +the wickets he liked were the sea-of-mud variety, and this summer fine +weather had set in early and continued. Lorimer was also useful, but +not to be mentioned in the same breath as the great Samuel. The former +was good, the latter would be good in a year or so. His proper sphere +of action was the tail. If the first pair of bowlers could dismiss five +good batsmen, Lorimer's fast, straight deliveries usually accounted for +the rest. But there had to be somebody to pave the way for him. He was +essentially a change bowler. It is hardly to be wondered at that Norris +very soon began to think wistfully of the Bishop, who was just now +doing such great things with the ball, wasting his sweetness on the +desert air of the House matches. Would it be consistent with his +dignity to invite him back into the team? It was a nice point. With +some persons there might be a risk. But Gethryn, as he knew perfectly +well, was not the sort of fellow to rub in the undeniable fact that the +School team could not get along without him. He had half decided to ask +him to play against Charchester, when Gosling suggested the very same +thing. + +'Why don't you have Gethryn in again?' he said. 'You've stood him out +against the O.B.s and the Masters. Surely that's enough. Especially as +he's miles the best bowler in the School.' + +'Bar yourself.' + +'Not a bit. He can give me points. You take my tip and put him in +again.' + +'Think he'd play if I put him down? Because, you know, I'm dashed if +I'm going to do any grovelling and that sort of thing.' + +'Certain to, I should think. Anyhow, it's worth trying.' + +Pringle, on being consulted, gave the same opinion, and Norris was +convinced. The list went up that afternoon, and for the first time +since the M.C.C. match Gethryn's name appeared in its usual place. + +'Norris is learning wisdom in his old age,' said Marriott to the +Bishop, as they walked over to the House that evening. + +Leicester's were in the middle of their semi-final, and looked like +winning it. + +'I was just wondering what to do about it,' said Gethryn. 'What would +you do? Play, do you think?' + +'Play! My dear man, what else did you propose to do? You weren't +thinking of refusing?' + +'I was.' + +'But, man! That's rank treason. If you're put down to play for the +School you must play. There's no question about it. If Norris knocked +you down with one hand and put you up on the board with the other, +you'd have to play all the same. You mustn't have any feelings where +the School is concerned. Nobody's ever refused to play in a first +match. It's one of the things you can't do. Norris hasn't given you +much of a time lately, I admit. Still, you must lump that. Excuse +sermon. I hope it's done you good.' + +'Very well. I'll play. It's rather rot, though.' + +'No, it's all right, really. It's only that you've got into a groove. +You're so used to doing the heavy martyr, that the sudden change has +knocked you out rather. Come and have an ice before the shop shuts.' + +So Gethryn came once more into the team, and travelled down to +Charchester with the others. And at this point a painful alternative +faces me. I have to choose between truth and inclination. I should like +to say that the Bishop eclipsed himself, and broke all previous records +in the Charchester match. By the rules of the dramatic, nothing else is +possible. But truth, though it crush me, and truth compels me to admit +that his performance was in reality distinctly mediocre. One of his +weak points as a bowler was that he was at sea when opposed to a +left-hander. Many bowlers have this failing. Some strange power seems +to compel them to bowl solely on the leg side, and nothing but long +hops and full pitches. It was so in the case of Gethryn. Charchester +won the toss, and batted first on a perfect wicket. The first pair of +batsmen were the captain, a great bat, who had scored seventy-three not +out against Beckford in the previous match, and a left-handed fiend. +Baynes's leg-breaks were useless on a wicket which, from the hardness +of it, might have been constructed of asphalt, and the rubbish the +Bishop rolled up to the left-handed artiste was painful to witness. At +four o'clock--the match had started at half-past eleven--the +Charchester captain reached his century, and was almost immediately +stumped off Baynes. The Bishop bowled the next man first ball, the one +bright spot in his afternoon's performance. Then came another long +stand, against which the Beckford bowling raged in vain. At five +o'clock, Charchester by that time having made two hundred and forty-one +for two wickets, the left-hander ran into three figures, and the +captain promptly declared the innings closed. Beckford's only chance +was to play for a draw, and in this they succeeded. When stumps were +drawn at a quarter to seven, the score was a hundred and three, and +five wickets were down. The Bishop had the satisfaction of being not +out with twenty-eight to his credit, but nothing less than a century +would have been sufficient to soothe him after his shocking bowling +performance. Pringle, who during the luncheon interval had encountered +his young friends the Ashbys, and had been duly taunted by them on the +subject of leather-hunting, was top scorer with forty-one. Norris, I +regret to say, only made three, running himself out in his second over. +As the misfortune could not, by any stretch of imagination, be laid at +anybody else's door but his own, he was decidedly savage. The team +returned to Beckford rather footsore, very disgusted, and abnormally +silent. Norris sulked by himself at one end of the saloon carriage, and +the Bishop sulked by himself at the other end, and even Marriott +forbore to treat the situation lightly. It was a mournful home-coming. +No cheering wildly as the brake drove to the College from Horton, no +shouting of the School song in various keys as they passed through the +big gates. Simply silence. And except when putting him on to bowl, or +taking him off, or moving him in the field, Norris had not spoken a +word to the Bishop the whole afternoon. + +It was shortly after this disaster that Mr Mortimer Wells came to stay +with the Headmaster. Mr Mortimer Wells was a brilliant and superior +young man, who was at some pains to be a cynic. He was an old pupil of +the Head's in the days before he had succeeded to the rule of Beckford. +He had the reputation of being a 'ripe' scholar, and to him had been +deputed the task of judging the poetical outbursts of the bards of the +Upper Fifth, with the object of awarding to the most deserving--or, +perhaps, to the least undeserving--the handsome prize bequeathed by his +open-handed highness, the Rajah of Seltzerpore. + +This gentleman sat with his legs stretched beneath the Headmaster's +generous table. Dinner had come to an end, and a cup of coffee, acting +in co-operation with several glasses of port and an excellent cigar, +had inspired him to hold forth on the subject of poetry prizes. He held +forth. + +'The poetry prize system,' said he--it is astonishing what nonsense a +man, ordinarily intelligent, will talk after dinner--'is on exactly the +same principle as those penny-in-the-slot machines that you see at +stations. You insert your penny. You set your prize subject. In the +former case you hope for wax vestas, and you get butterscotch. In the +latter, you hope for something at least readable, and you get the most +complete, terrible, uninspired twaddle that was ever written on paper. +The boy mind'--here the ash of his cigar fell off on to his +waistcoat--'the merely boy mind is incapable of poetry.' + +From which speech the shrewd reader will infer that Mr Mortimer Wells +was something of a prig. And perhaps, altogether shrewd reader, you're +right. + +Mr Lawrie, the master of the Sixth, who had been asked to dinner to +meet the great man, disagreed as a matter of principle. He was one of +those men who will take up a cause from pure love of argument. + +'I think you're wrong, sir. I'm perfectly convinced you're wrong.' + +Mr Wells smiled in his superior way, as if to say that it was a pity +that Mr Lawrie was so foolish, but that perhaps he could not help it. + +'Ah,' he said, 'but you have not had to wade through over thirty of +these gems in a single week. I have. I can assure you your views would +undergo a change if you could go through what I have. Let me read you a +selection. If that does not convert you, nothing will. If you will +excuse me for a moment, Beckett, I will leave the groaning board, and +fetch the manuscripts.' + +He left the room, and returned with a pile of paper, which he deposited +in front of him on the table. + +'Now,' he said, selecting the topmost manuscript, 'I will take no +unfair advantage. I will read you the very pick of the bunch. None of +the other--er--poems come within a long way of this. It is a case of +Eclipse first and the rest nowhere. The author, the gifted author, is a +boy of the name of Lorimer, whom I congratulate on taking the Rajah's +prize. I drain this cup of coffee to him. Are you ready? Now, then.' + +He cleared his throat. + + + + +[16] + +A DISPUTED AUTHORSHIP + + +'One moment,' said Mr Lawrie, 'might I ask what is the subject of the +poem?' + +'Death of Dido,' said the Headmaster. 'Good, hackneyed, evergreen +subject, mellow with years. Go on, Wells.' + +Mr Wells began. + + Queen of Tyre, ancient Tyre, + Whilom mistress of the wave. + +Mr Lawrie, who had sunk back into the recesses of his chair in an +attitude of attentive repose, sat up suddenly with a start. + +'What!' he cried. + +'Hullo,' said Mr Wells, 'has the beauty of the work come home to you +already?' + +'You notice,' he said, as he repeated the couplet, 'that flaws begin to +appear in the gem right from the start. It was rash of Master Lorimer +to attempt such a difficult metre. Plucky, but rash. He should have +stuck to blank verse. Tyre, you notice, two syllables to rhyme with +"deny her" in line three. "What did fortune e'er deny her? Were not all +her warriors brave?" That last line seems to me distinctly weak. I +don't know how it strikes you.' + +'You're hypercritical, Wells,' said the Head. 'Now, for a boy I +consider that a very good beginning. What do you say, Lawrie?' + +'I--er. Oh, I think I am hardly a judge.' + +'To resume,' said Mr Mortimer Wells. He resumed, and ran through the +remaining verses of the poem with comments. When he had finished, he +remarked that, in his opinion a whiff of fresh air would not hurt him. +If the Headmaster would excuse him, he would select another of those +excellent cigars, and smoke it out of doors. + +'By all means,' said the Head; 'I think I won't join you myself, but +perhaps Lawrie will.' + +'No, thank you. I think I will remain. Yes, I think I will remain.' + +Mr Wells walked jauntily out of the room. When the door had shut, Mr +Lawrie coughed nervously. + +'Another cigar, Lawrie?' + +'I--er--no, thank you. I want to ask you a question. What is your +candid opinion of those verses Mr Wells was reading just now?' + +The Headmaster laughed. + +'I don't think Wells treated them quite fairly. In my opinion they were +distinctly promising. For a boy in the Upper Fifth, you understand. +Yes, on the whole they showed distinct promise.' + +'They were mine,' said Mr Lawrie. + +'Yours! I don't understand. How were they yours?' + +'I wrote them. Every word of them.' + +'You wrote them! But, my dear Lawrie--' + +'I don't wonder that you are surprised. For my own part I am amazed, +simply amazed. How the boy--I don't even remember his name--contrived +to get hold of them, I have not the slightest conception. But that he +did so contrive is certain. The poem is word for word, literally word +for word, the same as one which I wrote when I was at Cambridge.' + +'You +don't say so!' + +'Yes. It can hardly be a coincidence.' + +'Hardly,' said the Head. 'Are you certain of this?' + +'Perfectly certain. I am not eager to claim the authorship, I can +assure you, especially after Mr Wells's very outspoken criticisms, but +there is nothing else to be done. The poem appeared more than a dozen +years ago, in a small book called _The Dark Horse_.' + +'Ah! Something in the Whyte Melville style, I suppose?' + +'No,' said Mr Lawrie sharply. 'No. Certainly not. They were serious +poems, tragical most of them. I had them collected, and published them +at my own expense. Very much at my own expense. I used a pseudonym, I +am thankful to say. As far as I could ascertain, the total sale +amounted to eight copies. I have never felt the very slightest +inclination to repeat the performance. But how this boy managed to see +the book is more than I can explain. He can hardly have bought it. The +price was half-a-guinea. And there is certainly no copy in the School +library. The thing is a mystery.' + +'A mystery that must be solved,' said the Headmaster. 'The fact remains +that he did see the book, and it is very serious. Wholesale plagiarism +of this description should be kept for the School magazine. It should +not be allowed to spread to poetry prizes. I must see Lorimer about +this tomorrow. Perhaps he can throw some light upon the matter.' + +When, in the course of morning school next day, the School porter +entered the Upper Fifth form-room and informed Mr Sims, who was engaged +in trying to drive the beauties of Plautus' colloquial style into the +Upper Fifth brain, that the Headmaster wished to see Lorimer, Lorimer's +conscience was so abnormally good that for the life of him he could not +think why he had been sent for. As far as he could remember, there was +no possible way in which the authorities could get at him. If he had +been in the habit of smoking out of bounds in lonely fields and +deserted barns, he might have felt uneasy. But whatever his failings, +that was not one of them. It could not be anything about bounds, +because he had been so busy with cricket that he had had no time to +break them this term. He walked into the presence, glowing with +conscious rectitude. And no sooner was he inside than the Headmaster, +with three simple words, took every particle of starch out of his +anatomy. + +'Sit down, Lorimer,' he said. + +There are many ways of inviting a person to seat himself. The genial +'take a pew' of one's equal inspires confidence. The raucous 'sit down +in front' of the frenzied pit, when you stand up to get a better view +of the stage, is not so pleasant. But worst of all is the icy 'sit +down' of the annoyed headmaster. In his mouth the words take to +themselves new and sinister meanings. They seem to accuse you of +nameless crimes, and to warn you that anything you may say will be used +against you as evidence. + +'Why have I sent for you, Lorimer?' + +A nasty question that, and a very favourite one of the Rev. Mr Beckett, +Headmaster of Beckford. In nine cases out of ten, the person addressed, +paralysed with nervousness, would give himself away upon the instant, +and confess everything. Lorimer, however, was saved by the fact that he +had nothing to confess. He stifled an inclination to reply 'because the +woodpecker would peck her', or words to that effect, and maintained a +pallid silence. + +'Have you ever heard of a book called _The Dark Horse_, Lorimer?' + +Lorimer began to feel that the conversation was too deep for him. After +opening in the conventional 'judge-then-placed-the-black-cap-on-his-head' +manner, his assailant had suddenly begun to babble lightly of sporting +literature. He began to entertain doubts of the Headmaster's sanity. It +would not have added greatly to his mystification if the Head had gone +on to insist that he was the Emperor of Peru, and worked solely by +electricity. + +The Headmaster, for his part, was also surprised. He had worked for +dismay, conscious guilt, confessions, and the like, instead of blank +amazement. He, too, began to have his doubts. Had Mr Lawrie been +mistaken? It was not likely, but it was barely possible. In which case +the interview had better be brought to an abrupt stop until he had made +inquiries. The situation was at a deadlock. + +Fortunately at this point half-past twelve struck, and the bell rang +for the end of morning school. The situation was saved, and the tension +relaxed. + +'You may go, Lorimer,' said the Head, 'I will send for you later.' + +He swept out of the room, and Lorimer raced over to the House to inform +Pringle that the Headmaster had run suddenly mad, and should by rights +be equipped with a strait-waistcoat. + +'You never saw such a man,' he said, 'hauled me out of school in the +middle of a Plautus lesson, dumps me down in a chair, and then asks me +if I've read some weird sporting novel or other.' + +'Sporting novel! My dear man!' + +'Well, it sounded like it from the title.' + +'The title. Oh!' + +'What's up?' + +Pringle had leaped to his feet as if he had suddenly discovered that he +was sitting on something red-hot. His normal air of superior calm had +vanished. He was breathless with excitement. A sudden idea had struck +him with the force of a bullet. + +'What was the title he asked you if you'd read the book of?' he +demanded incoherently. + +'_The Derby Winner_.' + +Pringle sat down again, relieved. + +'Oh. Are you certain?' + +'No, of course it wasn't that. I was only ragging. The real title was +_The Dark Horse_. Hullo, what's up now? Have you got 'em too?' + +'What's up? I'll tell you. We're done for. Absolutely pipped. That's +what's the matter.' + +'Hang it, man, do give us a chance. Why can't you explain, instead of +sitting there talking like that? Why are we done? What have we done, +anyway?' + +'The poem, of course, the prize poem. I forgot, I never told you. I +hadn't time to write anything of my own, so I cribbed it straight out +of a book called _The Dark Horse_. Now do you see?' + +Lorimer saw. He grasped the whole unpainted beauty of the situation in +a flash, and for some moments it rendered him totally unfit for +intellectual conversation. When he did speak his observation was brief, +but it teemed with condensed meaning. It was the conversational +parallel to the ox in the tea-cup. + +'My aunt!' he said. + +'There'll be a row about this,' said Pringle. + +'What am I to say when he has me in this afternoon? He said he would.' + +'Let the whole thing out. No good trying to hush it up. He may let us +down easy if you're honest about it.' + +It relieved Lorimer to hear Pringle talk about 'us'. It meant that he +was not to be left to bear the assault alone. Which, considering that +the whole trouble was, strictly speaking, Pringle's fault, was only +just. + +'But how am I to explain? I can't reel off a long yarn all about how +you did it all, and so on. It would be too low.' + +'I know,' said Pringle, 'I've got it. Look here, on your way to the Old +Man's room you pass the Remove door. Well, when you pass, drop some +money. I'll be certain to hear it, as I sit next the door. And then +I'll ask to leave the room, and we'll go up together.' + +'Good man, Pringle, you're a genius. Thanks, awfully.' + +But as it happened, this crafty scheme was not found necessary. The +blow did not fall till after lock-up. + +Lorimer being in the Headmaster's House, it was possible to interview +him without the fuss and advertisement inseparable from a 'sending for +during school'. Just as he was beginning his night-work, the butler +came with a message that he was wanted in the Headmaster's part of the +House. + +'It was only Mr Lorimer as the master wished to see,' said the butler, +as Pringle rose to accompany his companion in crime. + +'That's all right,' said Pringle, 'the Headmaster's always glad to see +me. I've got a standing invitation. He'll understand.' + +At first, when he saw two where he had only sent for one, the +Headmaster did not understand at all, and said so. He had prepared to +annihilate Lorimer hip and thigh, for he was now convinced that his +blank astonishment at the mention of _The Dark Horse_ during their +previous interview had been, in the words of the bard, a mere veneer, a +wile of guile. Since the morning he had seen Mr Lawrie again, and had +with his own eyes compared the two poems, the printed and the written, +the author by special request having hunted up a copy of that valuable +work, _The Dark Horse_, from the depths of a cupboard in his +rooms. + +His astonishment melted before Pringle's explanation, which was brief +and clear, and gave way to righteous wrath. In well-chosen terms he +harangued the two criminals. Finally he perorated. + +'There is only one point which tells in your favour. You have not +attempted concealment.' (Pringle nudged Lorimer surreptitiously at +this.) 'And I may add that I believe that, as you say, you did not +desire actually to win the prize by underhand means. But I cannot +overlook such an offence. It is serious. Most serious. You will, both +of you, go into extra lesson for the remaining Saturdays of the term.' + +Extra lesson meant that instead of taking a half-holiday on Saturday +like an ordinary law-abiding individual, you treated the day as if it +were a full-school day, and worked from two till four under the eye of +the Headmaster. Taking into consideration everything, the punishment +was not an extraordinarily severe one, for there were only two more +Saturdays to the end of term, and the sentence made no mention of the +Wednesday half-holidays. + +But in effect it was serious indeed. It meant that neither Pringle nor +Lorimer would be able to play in the final House match against +Leicester's, which was fixed to begin on the next Saturday at two +o'clock. Among the rules governing the House matches was one to the +effect that no House might start a match with less than eleven men, nor +might the Eleven be changed during the progress of the match--a rule +framed by the Headmaster, not wholly without an eye to emergencies like +the present. + +'Thank goodness,' said Pringle, 'that there aren't any more First +matches. It's bad enough, though, by Jove, as it is. I suppose it's +occurred to you that this cuts us out of playing in the final?' + +Lorimer said the point had not escaped his notice. + +'I wish,' he observed, with simple pathos, 'that I'd got the Rajah of +Seltzerpore here now. I'd strangle him. I wonder if the Old Man +realizes that he's done his own House out of the cup?' + +'Wouldn't care if he did. Still, it's a sickening nuisance. Leicester's +are a cert now.' + +'Absolute cert,' said Lorimer; 'Baynes can't do all the bowling, +especially on a hard wicket, and there's nobody else. As for our +batting and fielding--' + +'Don't,' said-Pringle gloomily, 'it's too awful.' + +On the following Saturday, Leicester's ran up a total in their first +innings which put the issue out of doubt, and finished off the game on +the Monday by beating the School House by six wickets. + + + + +[17] + +THE WINTER TERM + + +It was the first day of the winter term. + +The Bishop, as he came back by express, could not help feeling that, +after all, life considered as an institution had its points. Things had +mended steadily during the last weeks of the term. He had kept up his +end as head of the House perfectly. The internal affairs of Leicester's +were going as smoothly as oil. And there was the cricket cup to live up +to. Nothing pulls a House together more than beating all comers in the +field, especially against odds, as Leicester's had done. And then Monk +and Danvers had left. That had set the finishing touch to a good term's +work. The Mob were no longer a power in the land. Waterford remained, +but a subdued, benevolent Waterford, with a wonderful respect for law +and order. Yes, as far as the House was concerned, Gethryn felt no +apprehensions. As regarded the School at large, things were bound to +come right in time. A school has very little memory. And in the present +case the Bishop, being second man in the Fifteen, had unusual +opportunities of righting himself in the eyes of the multitude. In the +winter term cricket is forgotten. Football is the only game that +counts. + +And to round off the whole thing, when he entered his study he found a +letter on the table. It was from Farnie, and revealed two curious and +interesting facts. Firstly he had left, and Beckford was to know him no +more. Secondly--this was even more remarkable--he possessed a +conscience. + +'Dear Gethryn,' ran the letter, 'I am writing to tell you my father is +sending me to a school in France, so I shall not come back to Beckford. +I am sorry about the M.C.C. match, and I enclose the four pounds you +lent me. I utterly bar the idea of going to France. It's beastly, yours +truly, R. Farnie.' + +The money mentioned was in the shape of a cheque, signed by Farnie +senior. + +Gethryn was distinctly surprised. That all this time remorse like a +worm i' the bud should have been feeding upon his uncle's damask cheek, +as it were, he had never suspected. His relative's demeanour since the +M.C.C. match had, it is true, been considerably toned down, but this he +had attributed to natural causes, not unnatural ones like conscience. +As for the four pounds, he had set it down as a bad debt. To get it +back was like coming suddenly into an unexpected fortune. He began to +think that there must have been some good in Farnie after all, though +he was fain to admit that without the aid of a microscope the human eye +might well have been excused for failing to detect it. + +His next thought was that there was nothing now to prevent him telling +the whole story to Reece and Marriott. Reece, if anybody, deserved to +have his curiosity satisfied. The way in which he had abstained from +questions at the time of the episode had been nothing short of +magnificent. Reece must certainly be told. + +Neither Reece nor Marriott had arrived at the moment. Both were in the +habit of returning at the latest possible hour, except at the beginning +of the summer term. The Bishop determined to reserve his story until +the following evening. + +Accordingly, when the study kettle was hissing on the Etna, and Wilson +was crouching in front of the fire, making toast in his own inimitable +style, he embarked upon his narrative. + +'I say, Marriott.' + +'Hullo.' + +'Do you notice a subtle change in me this term? Does my expressive +purple eye gleam more brightly than of yore? It does. Exactly so. I +feel awfully bucked up. You know that kid Farnie has left?' + +'I thought I missed his merry prattle. What's happened to him?' + +'Gone to a school in France somewhere.' + +'Jolly for France.' + +'Awfully. But the point is that now he's gone I can tell you about that +M.C.C. match affair. I know you want to hear what really did happen +that afternoon.' + +Marriott pointed significantly at Wilson, whose back was turned. + +'Oh, that's all right,' said Gethryn. 'Wilson.' + +'Yes?' + +'You mustn't listen. Try and think you're a piece of furniture. See? +And if you do happen to overhear anything, you needn't go gassing about +it. Follow?' + +'All right,' said Wilson, and Gethryn told his tale. + +'Jove,' he said, as he finished, 'that's a relief. It's something to +have got that off my chest. I do bar keeping a secret.' + +'But, I say,' said Marriott. + +'Well?' + +'Well, it was beastly good of you to do it, and that sort of thing, I +suppose. I see that all right. But, my dear man, what a rotten thing to +do. A kid like that. A little beast who simply cried out for sacking.' + +'Well, at any rate, it's over now. You needn't jump on me. I acted from +the best motives. That's what my grandfather, Farnie's _pater_, +you know, always used to say when he got at me for anything in the +happy days of my childhood. Don't sit there looking like a beastly +churchwarden, you ass. Buck up, and take an intelligent interest in +things.' + +'No, but really, Bishop,' said Marriott, 'you must treat this +seriously. You'll have to let the other chaps know about it.' + +'How? Put it up on the notice-board? This is to certify that Mr Allan +Gethryn, of Leicester's House, Beckford, is dismissed without a stain +on his character. You ass, how can I let them know? I seem to see +myself doing the boy-hero style of things. My friends, you wronged me, +you wronged me very grievously. But I forgive you. I put up with your +cruel scorn. I endured it. I steeled myself against it. And now I +forgive you profusely, every one of you. Let us embrace. It wouldn't +do. You must see that much. Don't be a goat. Is that toast done yet, +Wilson?' + +Wilson exhibited several pounds of the article in question. + +'Good,' said the Bishop. 'You're a great man, Wilson. You can make a +small selection of those biscuits, and if you bag all the sugar ones +I'll slay you, and then you can go quietly downstairs, and rejoin your +sorrowing friends. And don't you go telling them what I've been +saying.' + +'Rather not,' said Wilson. + +He made his small selection, and retired. The Bishop turned to Marriott +again. + +'I shall tell Reece, because he deserves it, and I rather think I shall +tell Gosling and Pringle. Nobody else, though. What's the good of it? +Everybody'll forget the whole thing by next season.' + +'How about Norris?' asked Marriott. + +'Now there you have touched the spot. I can't possibly tell Norris +myself. My natural pride is too enormous. Descended from a primordial +atomic globule, you know, like Pooh Bah. And I shook hands with a duke +once. The man Norris and I, I regret to say, had something of a row on +the subject last term. We parted with mutual expressions of hate, and +haven't spoken since. What I should like would be for somebody else to +tell him all about it. Not you. It would look too much like a put-up +job. So don't you go saying anything. Swear.' + +'Why not?' + +'Because you mustn't. Swear. Let me hear you swear by the bones of your +ancestors.' + +'All right. I call it awful rot, though.' + +'Can't be helped. Painful but necessary. Now I'm going to tell Reece, +though I don't expect he'll remember anything about it. Reece never +remembers anything beyond his last meal.' + +'Idiot,' said Marriott after him as the door closed. 'I don't know, +though,' he added to himself. + +And, pouring himself out another cup of tea, he pondered deeply over +the matter. + +Reece heard the news without emotion. + +'You're a good sort, Bishop,' he said, 'I knew something of the kind +must have happened. It reminds me of a thing that happened to--' + +'Yes, it is rather like it, isn't it?' said the Bishop. 'By the way, +talking about stories, a chap I met in the holidays told me a ripper. +You see, this chap and his brother--' + +He discoursed fluently for some twenty minutes. Reece sighed softly, +but made no attempt to resume his broken narrative. He was used to this +sort of thing. + +It was a fortnight later, and Marriott and the Bishop were once more +seated in their study waiting for Wilson to get tea ready. Wilson made +toast in the foreground. Marriott was in football clothes, rubbing his +shin gently where somebody had kicked it in the scratch game that +afternoon. After rubbing for a few moments in silence, he spoke +suddenly. + +'You must tell Norris,' he said. 'It's all rot.' + +'I can't.' + +'Then I shall.' + +'No, don't. You swore you wouldn't.' + +'Well, but look here. I just want to ask you one question. What sort of +a time did you have in that scratch game tonight?' + +'Beastly. I touched the ball exactly four times. If I wasn't so awfully +ornamental, I don't see what would be the use of my turning out at all. +I'm no practical good to the team.' + +'Exactly. That's just what I wanted to get at. I don't mean your remark +about your being ornamental, but about your never touching the ball. +Until you explain matters to Norris, you never will get a decent pass. +Norris and you are a rattling good pair of centre threes, but if he +never gives you a pass, I don't see how we can expect to have any +combination in the First. It's no good my slinging out the ball if the +centres stick to it like glue directly they get it, and refuse to give +it up. It's simply sickening.' + +Marriott played half for the First Fifteen, and his soul was in the +business. + +'But, my dear chap,' said Gethryn, 'you don't mean to tell me that a +man like Norris would purposely rot up the First's combination because +he happened to have had a row with the other centre. He's much too +decent a fellow.' + +'No. I don't mean that exactly. What he does is this. I've watched him. +He gets the ball. He runs with it till his man is on him, and then he +thinks of passing. You're backing him up. He sees you, and says to +himself, "I can't pass to that cad"--' + +'Meaning me?' + +'Meaning you.' + +'Thanks awfully.' + +'Don't mention it. I'm merely quoting his thoughts, as deduced by me. +He says, "I can't pass to that--well, individual, if you prefer it. +Where's somebody else?" So he hesitates, and gets tackled, or else +slings the ball wildly out to somebody who can't possibly get to it. +It's simply infernal. And we play the Nomads tomorrow, too. Something +must be done.' + +'Somebody ought to tell him. Why doesn't our genial skipper assert his +authority?' + +'Hill's a forward, you see, and doesn't get an opportunity of noticing +it. I can't tell him, of course. I've not got my colours--' + +'You're a cert. for them.' + +'Hope so. Anyway, I've not got them yet, and Norris has, so I can't +very well go slanging him to Hill. Sort of thing rude people would call +side.' + +'Well, I'll look out tomorrow, and if it's as bad as you think, I'll +speak to Hill. It's a beastly thing to have to do.' + +'Beastly,' agreed Marriott. 'It's got to be done, though. We can't go +through the season without any combination in the three-quarter line, +just to spare Norris's feelings.' + +'It's a pity, though,' said the Bishop, 'because Norris is a ripping +good sort of chap, really. I wish we hadn't had that bust-up last +term.' + + + + +[18] + +THE BISHOP SCORES + + +At this point Wilson finished the toast, and went out. As he went he +thought over what he had just heard. Marriott and Gethryn frequently +talked the most important School politics before him, for they had +discovered at an early date that he was a youth of discretion, who +could be trusted not to reveal state secrets. But matters now seemed to +demand such a revelation. It was a serious thing to do, but there was +nobody else to do it, and it obviously must be done, so, by a simple +process of reasoning, he ought to do it. Half an hour had to elapse +before the bell rang for lock-up. There was plenty of time to do the +whole thing and get back to the House before the door was closed. He +took his cap, and trotted off to Jephson's. + +Norris was alone in his study when Wilson knocked at the door. He +seemed surprised to see his visitor. He knew Wilson well by sight, he +being captain of the First Eleven and Wilson a distinctly promising +junior bat, but this was the first time he had ever exchanged a word of +conversation with him. + +'Hullo,' he said, putting down his book. + +'Oh, I say, Norris,' began Wilson nervously, 'can I speak to you for a +minute?' + +'All right. Go ahead.' + +After two false starts, Wilson at last managed to get the thread of his +story. He did not mention Marriott's remarks on football subjects, but +confined himself to the story of Farnie and the bicycle ride, as he had +heard it from Gethryn on the second evening of the term. + +'So that's how it was, you see,' he concluded. + +There was a long silence. Wilson sat nervously on the edge of his +chair, and Norris stared thoughtfully into the fire. + +'So shall I tell him it's all right?' asked Wilson at last. + +'Tell who what's all right?' asked Norris politely. + +'Oh, er, Gethryn, you know,' replied Wilson, slightly disconcerted. He +had had a sort of idea that Norris would have rushed out of the room, +sprinted over to Leicester's, and flung himself on the Bishop's bosom +in an agony of remorse. He appeared to be taking things altogether too +coolly. + +'No,' said Norris, 'don't tell him anything. I shall have lots of +chances of speaking to him myself if I want to. It isn't as if we were +never going to meet again. You'd better cut now. There's the bell just +going. Good night.' + +'Good night, Norris.' + +'Oh, and, I say,' said Norris, as Wilson opened the door, 'I meant to +tell you some time ago. If you buck up next cricket season, it's quite +possible that you'll get colours of some sort. You might bear that in +mind.' + +'I will,' said Wilson fervently. 'Good night, Norris. Thanks awfully.' + +The Nomads brought down a reasonably hot team against Beckford as a +general rule, for the School had a reputation in the football world. +They were a big lot this year. Their forwards looked capable, and when, +after the School full-back had returned the ball into touch on the +half-way line, the line-out had resulted in a hand-ball and a scrum, +they proved that appearances were not deceptive. They broke through in +a solid mass--the Beckford forwards never somehow seemed to get +together properly in the first scrum of a big match--and rushed the +ball down the field. Norris fell on it. Another hastily-formed scrum, +and the Nomads' front rank was off again. Ten yards nearer the School +line there was another halt. Grainger, the Beckford full-back, whose +speciality was the stopping of rushes, had curled himself neatly round +the ball. Then the School forwards awoke to a sense of their +responsibilities. It was time they did, for Beckford was now penned up +well within its own twenty-five line, and the Nomad halves were +appealing pathetically to their forwards to let that ball out, for +goodness' _sake_. But the forwards fancied a combined rush was the +thing to play. For a full minute they pushed the School pack towards +their line, and then some rash enthusiast kicked a shade too hard. The +ball dribbled out of the scrum on the School side, and Marriott punted +into touch. + +'You _must_ let it out, you men,' said the aggrieved half-backs. + +Marriott's kick had not brought much relief. The visitors were still +inside the Beckford twenty-five line, and now that their forwards had +realized the sin and folly of trying to rush the ball through, matters +became decidedly warm for the School outsides. Norris and Gethryn in +the centre and Grainger at back performed prodigies of tackling. The +wing three-quarter hovered nervously about, feeling that their time +might come at any moment. + +The Nomad attack was concentrated on the extreme right. + +Philips, the International, was officiating for them as +wing-three-quarters on that side, and they played to him. If he once +got the ball he would take a considerable amount of stopping. But the +ball never managed to arrive. Norris and Gethryn stuck to their men +closer than brothers. + +A prolonged struggle on the goal-line is a great spectacle. That is why +(purely in the opinion of the present scribe) Rugby is such a much +better game than Association. You don't get that sort of thing in +Soccer. But such struggles generally end in the same way. The Nomads +were now within a couple of yards of the School line. It was a question +of time. In three minutes the whistle would blow for half-time, and the +School would be saved. + +But in those three minutes the thing happened. For the first time in +the match the Nomad forwards heeled absolutely cleanly. Hitherto, the +ball had always remained long enough in the scrum to give Marriott and +Wogan, the School halves, time to get round and on to their men before +they could become dangerous. But this time the ball was in and out +again in a moment. The Nomad half who was taking the scrum picked it +up, and was over the line before Marriott realized that the ball was +out at all. The school lining the ropes along the touch-line applauded +politely but feebly, as was their custom when the enemy scored. + +The kick was a difficult one--the man had got over in the corner--and +failed. The referee blew his whistle for half-time. The teams sucked +lemons, and the Beckford forwards tried to explain to Hill, the +captain, why they never got that ball in the scrums. Hill having +observed bitterly, as he did in every match when the School did not get +thirty points in the first half, that he 'would chuck the whole lot of +them out next Saturday', the game recommenced. + +Beckford started on the second half with three points against them, but +with both wind, what there was of it, and slope in their favour. Three +points, especially in a club match, where one's opponents may +reasonably be expected to suffer from lack of training and combination, +is not an overwhelming score. + +Beckford was hopeful and determined. + +To record all the fluctuations of the game for the next thirty-five +minutes is unnecessary. Copies of _The Beckfordian_ containing a +full report, crammed with details, and written in the most polished +English, may still be had from the editor at the modest price of +sixpence. Suffice it to say that two minutes from the kick-off the +Nomads increased their score with a goal from a mark, and almost +immediately afterwards Marriott gave the School their first score with +a neat drop-kick. It was about five minutes from the end of the game, +and the Nomads still led, when the event of the afternoon took place. +The Nomad forwards had brought the ball down the ground with one of +their combined dribbles, and a scrum had been formed on the Beckford +twenty-five line. The visitors heeled as usual. The half who was taking +the scrum whipped the ball out in the direction of his colleague. But +before it could reach him, Wogan had intercepted the pass, and was off +down the field, through the enemy's three-quarter line, with only the +back in front of him, and with Norris in close attendance, followed by +Gethryn. + +There is nothing like an intercepted pass for adding a dramatic touch +to a close game. A second before it had seemed as though the School +must be beaten, for though they would probably have kept the enemy out +for the few minutes that remained, they could never have worked the +ball down the field by ordinary give-and-take play. And now, unless +Wogan shamefully bungled what he had begun so well, victory was +certain. + +There was a danger, though. Wogan might in the excitement of the moment +try to get past the back and score himself, instead of waiting until +the back was on him and then passing to Norris. The School on the +touch-line shrieked their applause, but there was a note of anxiety as +well. A slight reputation which Wogan had earned for playing a selfish +game sprang up before their eyes. Would he pass? Or would he run +himself? If the latter, the odds were anything against his succeeding. + +But everything went right. Wogan arrived at the back, drew that +gentleman's undivided attention to himself, and then slung the ball out +to Norris, the model of what a pass ought to be. Norris made no mistake +about it. + +Then the remarkable thing happened. The Bishop, having backed Norris up +for fifty yards at full speed, could not stop himself at once. His +impetus carried him on when all need for expenditure of energy had come +to an end. He was just slowing down, leaving Norris to complete the +thing alone, when to his utter amazement he found the ball in his +hands. Norris had passed to him. With a clear run in, and the nearest +foeman yards to the rear, Norris had passed. It was certainly weird, +but his first duty was to score. There must be no mistake about the +scoring. Afterwards he could do any thinking that might be required. He +shot at express speed over the line, and placed the ball in the exact +centre of the white line which joined the posts. Then he walked back to +where Norris was waiting for him. + +'Good man,' said Norris, 'that was awfully good.' + +His tone was friendly. He spoke as he had been accustomed to speak +before the M.C.C. match. Gethryn took his cue from him. It was evident +that, for reasons at present unexplained, Norris wished for peace, and +such being the case, the Bishop was only too glad to oblige him. + +'No,' he said, 'it was jolly good of you to let me in like that. Why, +you'd only got to walk over.' + +'Oh, I don't know. I might have slipped or something. Anyhow I thought +I'd better pass. What price Beckford combination? The home-made +article, eh?' + +'Rather,' said the Bishop. + +'Oh, by the way,' said Norris, 'I was talking to young Wilson yesterday +evening. Or rather he was talking to me. Decent kid, isn't he? He was +telling me about Farnie. The M.C.C. match, you know, and so on.' + +'Oh!' said the Bishop. He began to see how things had happened. + +'Yes,' said Norris. 'Hullo, that gives us the game.' + +A roar of applause from the touch-line greeted the successful attempt +of Hill to convert Gethryn's try into the necessary goal. The referee +performed a solo on the whistle, and immediately afterwards another, as +if as an encore. + +'No side,' he said pensively. The School had won by two points. + +'That's all right,' said Norris. 'I say, can you come and have tea in +my study when you've changed? Some of the fellows are coming. I've +asked Reece and Marriott, and Pringle said he'd turn up too. It'll be +rather a tight fit, but we'll manage somehow.' + +'Right,' said the Bishop. 'Thanks very much.' + +Norris was correct. It was a tight fit. But then a study brew loses +half its charm if there is room to breathe. It was a most enjoyable +ceremony in every way. After the serious part of the meal was over, and +the time had arrived when it was found pleasanter to eat wafer biscuits +than muffins, the Bishop obliged once more with a recital of his +adventures on that distant day in the summer term. + +There were several comments when he had finished. The only one worth +recording is Reece's. + +Reece said it distinctly reminded him of a thing which had happened to +a friend of a chap his brother had known at Sandhurst. + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Prefect's Uncle, by P. G. Wodehouse + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PREFECT'S UNCLE *** + +***** This file should be named 6985.txt or 6985.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/6/9/8/6985/ + +Produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at + www.gutenberg.org/license. + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at 809 +North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email +contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the +Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/6985.zip b/6985.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d1ae9c4 --- /dev/null +++ b/6985.zip diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..38e634c --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #6985 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/6985) diff --git a/old/pfect10.txt b/old/pfect10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5f20e0a --- /dev/null +++ b/old/pfect10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5642 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Prefect's Uncle, by P. G. Wodehouse +#20 in our series by P. G. Wodehouse + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: A Prefect's Uncle + +Author: P. G. Wodehouse + +Release Date: November, 2004 [EBook #6985] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on February 20, 2003] +[Date last updated: January 15, 2005] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PREFECT'S UNCLE *** + + + + +This eBook was produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + +A PREFECT'S UNCLE + + + + +by P. G. Wodehouse + +1903 + + + + + +[Dedication] +TO W. TOWNEND + + + + +Contents + + +1 Term Begins + +2 Introduces an Unusual Uncle + +3 The Uncle Makes Himself at Home + +4 Pringle Makes a Sporting Offer + +5 Farnie Gets Into Trouble-- + +6 --and Stays There + +7 The Bishop Goes For a Ride + +8 The M.C.C. Match + +9 The Bishop Finishes His Ride + +10 In Which a Case is Fully Discussed + +11 Poetry and Stump-cricket + +12 'We, the Undersigned--' + +13 Leicester's House Team Goes Into a Second Edition + +14 Norris Takes a Short Holiday + +15 _Versus_ Charchester (at Charchester) + +16 A Disputed Authorship + +17 The Winter Term + +18 The Bishop Scores + + + + +[1] + +TERM BEGINS + + +Marriott walked into the senior day-room, and, finding no one there, +hurled his portmanteau down on the table with a bang. The noise brought +William into the room. William was attached to Leicester's House, +Beckford College, as a mixture of butler and bootboy. He carried a pail +of water in his hand. He had been engaged in cleaning up the House +against the conclusion of the summer holidays, of which this was the +last evening, by the simple process of transferring all dust, dirt, and +other foreign substances from the floor to his own person. + +''Ullo, Mr Marriott,' he said. + +'Hullo, William,' said Marriott. 'How are you? Still jogging along? +That's a mercy. I say, look here, I want a quiet word in season with +the authorities. They must have known I was coming back this evening. +Of course they did. Why, they specially wrote and asked me. Well, +where's the red carpet? Where's the awning? Where's the brass band that +ought to have met me at the station? Where's anything? I tell you what +it is, William, my old companion, there's a bad time coming for the +Headmaster if he doesn't mind what he's doing. He must learn that life +is stern and life is earnest, William. Has Gethryn come back yet?' + +William, who had been gasping throughout this harangue, for the +intellectual pressure of Marriott's conversation (of which there was +always plenty) was generally too much for him, caught thankfully at the +last remark as being the only intelligible one uttered up to present +date, and made answer-- + +'Mr Gethryn 'e's gorn out on to the field, Mr Marriott. 'E come 'arf an +hour ago.' + +'Oh! Right. Thanks. Goodbye, William. Give my respects to the cook, and +mind you don't work too hard. Think what it would be if you developed +heart disease. Awful! You mustn't do it, William.' + +Marriott vanished, and William, slightly dazed, went about his +professional duties once more. Marriott walked out into the grounds in +search of Gethryn. Gethryn was the head of Leicester's this term, +_vice_ Reynolds departed, and Marriott, who was second man up, +shared a study with him. Leicester's had not a good name at Beckford, +in spite of the fact that it was generally in the running for the +cricket and football cups. The fact of the matter was that, with the +exception of Gethryn, Marriott, a boy named Reece, who kept wicket for +the School Eleven, and perhaps two others, Leicester's seniors were not +a good lot. To the School in general, who gauged a fellow's character +principally by his abilities in the cricket and football fields, it +seemed a very desirable thing to be in Leicester's. They had been +runners-up for the House football cup that year, and this term might +easily see the cricket cup fall to them. Amongst the few, however, it +was known that the House was passing through an unpleasant stage in its +career. A House is either good or bad. It is seldom that it can combine +the advantages of both systems. Leicester's was bad. + +This was due partly to a succession of bad Head-prefects, and partly to +Leicester himself, who was well-meaning but weak. His spirit was +willing, but his will was not spirited. When things went on that ought +not to have gone on, he generally managed to avoid seeing them, and the +things continued to go on. Altogether, unless Gethryn's rule should act +as a tonic, Leicester's was in a bad way. + +The Powers that Be, however, were relying on Gethryn to effect some +improvement. He was in the Sixth, the First Fifteen, and the First +Eleven. Also a backbone was included in his anatomy, and if he made up +his mind to a thing, that thing generally happened. + +The Rev. James Beckett, the Headmaster of Beckford, had formed a very +fair estimate of Gethryn's capabilities, and at the moment when +Marriott was drawing the field for the missing one, that worthy was +sitting in the Headmaster's study with a cup in his right hand and a +muffin (half-eaten) in his left, drinking in tea and wisdom +simultaneously. The Head was doing most of the talking. He had led up +to the subject skilfully, and, once reached, he did not leave it. The +text of his discourse was the degeneracy of Leicester's. + +'Now, you know, Gethryn--another muffin? Help yourself. You know, +Reynolds--well, he was a capital boy in his way, capital, and I'm sure +we shall all miss him very much--_but_ he was not a good head of a +House. He was weak. Much too weak. Too easy-going. You must avoid that, +Gethryn. Reynolds....' And much more in the same vein. Gethryn left the +room half an hour later full of muffins and good resolutions. He met +Marriott at the fives-courts. + +'Where have you been to?' asked Marriott. 'I've been looking for you +all over the shop.' + +'I and my friend the Headmaster,' said Gethryn, 'have been having a +quiet pot of tea between us.' + +'Really? Was he affable?' + +'Distinctly affable.' + +'You know,' said Marriott confidentially, 'he asked me in, but I told +him it wasn't good enough. I said that if he would consent to make his +tea with water that wasn't two degrees below lukewarm, and bring on his +muffins cooked instead of raw, and supply some butter to eat with them, +I might look him up now and then. Otherwise it couldn't be done at the +price. But what did he want you for, really?' + +'He was ragging me about the House. Quite right, too. You know, there's +no doubt about it, Leicester's does want bucking up.' + +'We're going to get the cricket cup,' said Marriott, for the defence. + +'We may. If it wasn't for the Houses in between. School House and +Jephson's especially. And anyhow, that's not what I meant. The games +are all right. It's--' + +'The moral _je-ne-sais-quoi_, so to speak,' said Marriott. +'That'll be all right. Wait till we get at 'em. What I want you to turn +your great brain to now is this letter.' + +He produced a letter from his pocket. 'Don't you bar chaps who show you +their letters?' he said. 'This was written by an aunt of mine. I don't +want to inflict the whole lot on you. Just look at line four. You see +what she says: "A boy is coming to Mr Leicester's House this term, whom +I particularly wish you to befriend. He is the son of a great friend of +a friend of mine, and is a nice, bright little fellow, very jolly and +full of spirits."' + +'That means,' interpolated Gethryn grimly, 'that he is up to the eyes +in pure, undiluted cheek, and will want kicking after every meal and +before retiring to rest. Go on.' + +'His name is--' + +'Well?' + +'That's the point. At this point the manuscript becomes absolutely +illegible. I have conjectured Percy for the first name. It may be +Richard, but I'll plunge on Percy. It's the surname that stumps me. +Personally, I think it's MacCow, though I trust it isn't, for the kid's +sake. I showed the letter to my brother, the one who's at Oxford. He +swore it was Watson, but, on being pressed, hedged with Sandys. You may +as well contribute your little bit. What do you make of it?' + +Gethryn scrutinized the document with care. + +'She begins with a D. You can see that.' + +'Well?' + +'Next letter a or u. I see. Of course. It's Duncan.' + +'Think so?' said Marriott doubtfully. 'Well, let's go and ask the +matron if she knows anything about him.' + +'Miss Jones,' he said, when they had reached the House, 'have you on +your list of new boys a sportsman of the name of MacCow or Watson? I am +also prepared to accept Sandys or Duncan. The Christian name is either +Richard or Percy. There, that gives you a fairly wide field to choose +from.' + +'There's a P. V. Wilson on the list,' said the matron, after an +inspection of that document. + +'That must be the man,' said Marriott. 'Thanks very much. I suppose he +hasn't arrived yet?' + +'No, not yet. You two are the only ones so far.' + +'Oh! Well, I suppose I shall have to see him when he does come. I'll +come down for him later on.' + +They strolled out on to the field again. + +'In _re_ the proposed bucking-up of the House,' said Marriott, +'it'll be rather a big job.' + +'Rather. I should think so. We ought to have a most fearfully sporting +time. It's got to be done. The Old Man talked to me like several +fathers.' + +'What did he say?' + +'Oh, heaps of things.' + +'I know. Did he mention amongst other things that Reynolds was the +worst idiot on the face of this so-called world?' + +'Something of the sort.' + +'So I should think. The late Reynolds was a perfect specimen of the +gelatine-backboned worm. That's not my own, but it's the only +description of him that really suits. Monk and Danvers and the mob in +general used to do what they liked with him. Talking of Monk, when you +embark on your tour of moral agitation, I should advise you to start +with him.' + +'Yes. And Danvers. There isn't much to choose between them. It's a pity +they're both such good bats. When you see a chap putting them through +the slips like Monk does, you can't help thinking there must be +something in him.' + +'So there is,' said Marriott, 'and it's all bad. I bar the man. He's +slimy. It's the only word for him. And he uses scent by the gallon. +Thank goodness this is his last term.' + +'Is it really? I never heard that.' + +'Yes. He and Danvers are both leaving. Monk's going to Heidelberg to +study German, and Danvers is going into his pater's business in the +City. I got that from Waterford.' + +'Waterford is another beast,' said Gethryn thoughtfully. 'I suppose +he's not leaving by any chance?' + +'Not that I know of. But he'll be nothing without Monk and Danvers. +He's simply a sort of bottle-washer to the firm. When they go he'll +collapse. Let's be strolling towards the House now, shall we? Hullo! +Our only Reece! Hullo, Reece!' + +'Hullo!' said the new arrival. Reece was a weird, silent individual, +whom everybody in the School knew up to a certain point, but very few +beyond that point. His manner was exactly the same when talking to the +smallest fag as when addressing the Headmaster. He rather gave one the +impression that he was thinking of something a fortnight ahead, or +trying to solve a chess problem without the aid of the board. In +appearance he was on the short side, and thin. He was in the Sixth, and +a conscientious worker. Indeed, he was only saved from being considered +a swot, to use the vernacular, by the fact that from childhood's +earliest hour he had been in the habit of keeping wicket like an angel. +To a good wicket-keeper much may be forgiven. + +He handed Gethryn an envelope. + +'Letter, Bishop,' he said. Gethryn was commonly known as the Bishop, +owing to a certain sermon preached in the College chapel some five +years before, in aid of the Church Missionary Society, in which the +preacher had alluded at frequent intervals to another Gethryn, a +bishop, who, it appeared, had a see, and did much excellent work among +the heathen at the back of beyond. Gethryn's friends and acquaintances, +who had been alternating between 'Ginger'--Gethryn's hair being +inclined to redness--and 'Sneg', a name which utterly baffles the +philologist, had welcomed the new name warmly, and it had stuck ever +since. And, after all, there are considerably worse names by which one +might be called. + +'What the dickens!' he said, as he finished reading the letter. + +'Tell us the worst,' said Marriott. 'You must read it out now out of +common decency, after rousing our expectations like that.' + +'All right! It isn't private. It's from an aunt of mine.' + +'Seems to be a perfect glut of aunts,' said Marriott. 'What views has +your representative got to air? Is _she_ springing any jolly +little fellow full of spirits on this happy community?' + +'No, it's not that. It's only an uncle of mine who's coming down here. +He's coming tomorrow, and I'm to meet him. The uncanny part of it is +that I've never heard of him before in my life.' + +'That reminds me of a story I heard--' began Reece slowly. Reece's +observations were not frequent, but when they came, did so for the most +part in anecdotal shape. Somebody was constantly doing something which +reminded him of something he had heard somewhere from somebody. The +unfortunate part of it was that he exuded these reminiscences at such a +leisurely rate of speed that he was rarely known to succeed in +finishing any of them. He resembled those serial stories which appear +in papers destined at a moderate price to fill an obvious void, and +which break off abruptly at the third chapter, owing to the premature +decease of the said periodicals. On this occasion Marriott cut in with +a few sage remarks on the subject of uncles as a class. 'Uncles,' he +said, 'are tricky. You never know where you've got 'em. You think +they're going to come out strong with a sovereign, and they make it a +shilling without a blush. An uncle of mine once gave me a threepenny +bit. If it hadn't been that I didn't wish to hurt his feelings, I +should have flung it at his feet. Also I particularly wanted threepence +at the moment. Is your uncle likely to do his duty, Bishop?' + +'I tell you I don't know the man. Never heard of him. I thought I knew +every uncle on the list, but I can't place this one. However, I suppose +I shall have to meet him.' + +'Rather,' said Marriott, as they went into the House; 'we should always +strive to be kind, even to the very humblest. On the off chance, you +know. The unknown may have struck it rich in sheep or something out in +Australia. Most uncles come from Australia. Or he may be the boss of +some trust, and wallowing in dollars. He may be anything. Let's go and +brew, Bishop. Come on, Reece.' + +'I don't mind watching you two chaps eat,' said Gethryn, 'but I can't +join in myself. I have assimilated three pounds odd of the +Headmagisterial muffins already this afternoon. Don't mind me, though.' + +They went upstairs to Marriott's study, which was also Gethryn's. Two +in a study was the rule at Beckford, though there were recluses who +lived alone, and seemed to enjoy it. + +When the festive board had ceased to groan, and the cake, which +Marriott's mother had expected to last a fortnight, had been reduced to +a mere wreck of its former self, the thought of his aunt's friend's +friend's son returned to Marriott, and he went down to investigate, +returning shortly afterwards unaccompanied, but evidently full of news. + +'Well?' said Gethryn. 'Hasn't he come?' + +'A little,' said Marriott, 'just a little. I went down to the fags' +room, and when I opened the door I noticed a certain weird stillness in +the atmosphere. There is usually a row going on that you could cut with +a knife. I looked about. The room was apparently empty. Then I observed +a quaint object on the horizon. Do you know one Skinner by any chance?' + +'My dear chap!' said Gethryn. Skinner was a sort of juvenile Professor +Moriarty, a Napoleon of crime. He reeked of crime. He revelled in his +wicked deeds. If a Dormitory-prefect was kept awake at night by some +diabolically ingenious contrivance for combining the minimum of risk +with the maximum of noise, then it was Skinner who had engineered the +thing. Again, did a master, playing nervously forward on a bad pitch at +the nets to Gosling, the School fast bowler, receive the ball gaspingly +in the small ribs, and look round to see whose was that raucous laugh +which had greeted the performance, he would observe a couple of yards +away Skinner, deep in conversation with some friend of equally +villainous aspect. In short, in a word, the only adequate word, he was +Skinner. + +'Well?' said Reece. + +'Skinner,' proceeded Marriott, 'was seated in a chair, bleeding freely +into a rather dirty pocket-handkerchief. His usual genial smile was +hampered by a cut lip, and his right eye was blacked in the most +graceful and pleasing manner. I made tender inquiries, but could get +nothing from him except grunts. So I departed, and just outside the +door I met young Lee, and got the facts out of him. It appears that P. +V. Wilson, my aunt's friend's friend's son, entered the fags' room at +four-fifteen. At four-fifteen-and-a-half, punctually, Skinner was +observed to be trying to rag him. Apparently the great Percy has no +sense of humour, for at four-seventeen he got tired of it, and hit +Skinner crisply in the right eyeball, blacking the same as per +illustration. The subsequent fight raged gorily for five minutes odd, +and then Wilson, who seems to be a professional pugilist in disguise, +landed what my informant describes as three corkers on his opponent's +proboscis. Skinner's reply was to sit down heavily on the floor, and +give him to understand that the fight was over, and that for the next +day or two his face would be closed for alterations and repairs. Wilson +thereupon harangued the company in well-chosen terms, tried to get +Skinner to shake hands, but failed, and finally took the entire crew +out to the shop, where they made pigs of themselves at his expense. I +have spoken.' + +'And that's the kid you've got to look after,' said Reece, after a +pause. + +'Yes,' said Marriott. 'What I maintain is that I require a kid built on +those lines to look after me. But you ought to go down and see +Skinner's eye sometime. It's a beautiful bit of work.' + + + + +[2] + +INTRODUCES AN UNUSUAL UNCLE + + +On the following day, at nine o'clock, the term formally began. There +is nothing of Black Monday about the first day of term at a public +school. Black Monday is essentially a private school institution. + +At Beckford the first day of every term was a half holiday. During the +morning a feeble pretence of work was kept up, but after lunch the +school was free, to do as it pleased and to go where it liked. The nets +were put up for the first time, and the School professional emerged at +last from his winter retirement with his, 'Coom _right_ out to +'em, sir, right forward', which had helped so many Beckford cricketers +to do their duty by the School in the field. There was one net for the +elect, the remnants of last year's Eleven and the 'probables' for this +season, and half a dozen more for lesser lights. + +At the first net Norris was batting to the bowling of Gosling, a long, +thin day boy, Gethryn, and the professional--as useful a trio as any +school batsman could wish for. Norris was captain of the team this +year, a sound, stylish bat, with a stroke after the manner of Tyldesley +between cover and mid-off, which used to make Miles the professional +almost weep with joy. But today he had evidently not quite got into +form. Twice in successive balls Gosling knocked his leg stump out of +the ground with yorkers, and the ball after that, Gethryn upset his +middle with a beauty. + +'Hat-trick, Norris,' shouted Gosling. + +'Can't see 'em a bit today. Bowled, Bishop.' + +A second teaser from Gethryn had almost got through his defence. The +Bishop was undoubtedly a fine bowler. Without being quite so fast as +Gosling, he nevertheless contrived to work up a very considerable speed +when he wished to, and there was always something in every ball he +bowled which made it necessary for the batsman to watch it all the way. +In matches against other schools it was generally Gosling who took the +wickets. The batsmen were bothered by his pace. But when the M.C.C. or +the Incogniti came down, bringing seasoned county men who knew what +fast bowling really was, and rather preferred it on the whole to slow, +then Gethryn was called upon. + +Most Beckfordians who did not play cricket on the first day of term +went on the river. A few rode bicycles or strolled out into the country +in couples, but the majority, amongst whom on this occasion was +Marriott, sallied to the water and hired boats. Marriott was one of the +six old cricket colours--the others were Norris, Gosling, Gethryn, +Reece, and Pringle of the School House--who formed the foundation of +this year's Eleven. He was not an ornamental bat, but stood quite alone +in the matter of tall hitting. Twenty minutes of Marriott when in form +would often completely alter the course of a match. He had been given +his colours in the previous year for making exactly a hundred in +sixty-one minutes against the Authentics when the rest of the team had +contributed ninety-eight. The Authentics made a hundred and +eighty-four, so that the School just won; and the story of how there +were five men out in the deep for him, and how he put the slow bowler +over their heads and over the ropes eight times in three overs, had +passed into a school legend. + +But today other things than cricket occupied his attention. He had run +Wilson to earth, and was engaged in making his acquaintance, according +to instructions received. + +'Are you Wilson?' he asked. 'P.V. Wilson?' + +Wilson confirmed the charge. + +'My name's Marriott. Does that convey any significance to your young +mind?' + +'Oh, yes. My mater knows somebody who knows your aunt.' + +'It is a true bill.' + +'And she said you would look after me. I know you won't have time, of +course.' + +'I expect I shall have time to give you all the looking after you'll +require. It won't be much, from all I've heard. Was all that true about +you and young Skinner?' + +Wilson grinned. + +'I did have a bit of a row with a chap called Skinner,' he admitted. + +'So Skinner seems to think,' said Marriott. 'What was it all about?' + +'Oh, he made an ass of himself,' said Wilson vaguely. + +Marriott nodded. + +'He would. I know the man. I shouldn't think you'd have much trouble +with Skinner in the future. By the way, I've got you for a fag this +term. You don't have to do much in the summer. Just rot around, you +know, and go to the shop for biscuits and things, that's all. And, +within limits of course, you get the run of the study.' + +'I see,' said Wilson gratefully. The prospect was pleasant. + +'Oh yes, and it's your privilege to pipe-clay my cricket boots +occasionally before First matches. You'll like that. Can you steer a +boat?' + +'I don't think so. I never tried.' + +'It's easy enough. I'll tell you what to do. Anyhow, you probably won't +steer any worse than I row, so let's go and get a boat out, and I'll +try and think of a few more words of wisdom for your benefit.' + +At the nets Norris had finished his innings, and Pringle was batting in +his stead. Gethryn had given up his ball to Baynes, who bowled slow +leg-breaks, and was the most probable of the probables above-mentioned. +He went to where Norris was taking off his pads, and began to talk to +him. Norris was the head of Jephson's House, and he and the Bishop were +very good friends, in a casual sort of way. If they did not see one +another for a couple of days, neither of them broke his heart. +Whenever, on the other hand, they did meet, they were always glad, and +always had plenty to talk about. Most school friendships are of that +description. + +'You were sending down some rather hot stuff,' said Norris, as Gethryn +sat down beside him, and began to inspect Pringle's performance with a +critical eye. + +'I did feel rather fit,' said he. 'But I don't think half those that +got you would have taken wickets in a match. You aren't in form yet.' + +'I tell you what it is, Bishop,' said Norris, 'I believe I'm going to +be a rank failure this season. Being captain does put one off.' + +'Don't be an idiot, man. How can you possibly tell after one day's play +at the nets?' + +'I don't know. I feel so beastly anxious somehow. I feel as if I was +personally responsible for every match lost. It was all right last year +when John Brown was captain. Good old John! Do you remember his running +you out in the Charchester match?' + +'Don't,' said Gethryn pathetically. 'The only time I've ever felt as if +I really was going to make that century. By Jove, see that drive? +Pringle seems all right.' + +'Yes, you know, he'll simply walk into his Blue when he goes up to the +Varsity. What do you think of Baynes?' + +'Ought to be rather useful on his wicket. Jephson thinks he's good.' + +Mr Jephson looked after the School cricket. + +'Yes, I believe he rather fancies him,' said Norris. 'Says he ought to +do some big things if we get any rain. Hullo, Pringle, are you coming +out? You'd better go in, then, Bishop.' + +'All right. Thanks. Oh, by Jove, though, I forgot. I can't. I've got to +go down to the station to meet an uncle of mine.' + +'What's he coming up today for? Why didn't he wait till we'd got a +match of sorts on?' + +'I don't know. The man's probably a lunatic. Anyhow, I shall have to go +and meet him, and I shall just do it comfortably if I go and change +now.' + +'Oh! Right you are! Sammy, do you want a knock?' + +Samuel Wilberforce Gosling, known to his friends and admirers as Sammy, +replied that he did not. All he wanted now, he said, was a drink, or +possibly two drinks, and a jolly good rest in the shade somewhere. +Gosling was one of those rare individuals who cultivate bowling at the +expense of batting, a habit the reverse of what usually obtains in +schools. + +Norris admitted the justice of his claims, and sent in a Second Eleven +man, Baker, a member of his own House, in Pringle's place. Pringle and +Gosling adjourned to the School shop for refreshment. + +Gethryn walked with them as far as the gate which opened on to the road +where most of the boarding Houses stood, and then branched off in the +direction of Leicester's. To change into everyday costume took him a +quarter of an hour, at the end of which period he left the House, and +began to walk down the road in the direction of the station. + +It was an hour's easy walking between Horton, the nearest station to +Beckford, and the College. Gethryn, who was rather tired after his +exertions at the nets, took it very easily, and when he arrived at his +destination the church clock was striking four. + +'Is the three-fifty-six in yet?' he asked of the solitary porter who +ministered to the needs of the traveller at Horton station. + +'Just a-coming in now, zur,' said the porter, adding, in a sort of +inspired frenzy: ''Orton! 'Orton stertion! 'Orton!' and ringing a bell +with immense enthusiasm and vigour. + +Gethryn strolled to the gate, where the station-master's son stood at +the receipt of custom to collect the tickets. His uncle was to arrive +by this train, and if he did so arrive, must of necessity pass this way +before leaving the platform. The train panted in, pulled up, whistled, +and puffed out again, leaving three people behind it. One of these was +a woman of sixty (approximately), the second a small girl of ten, the +third a young gentleman in a top hat and Etons, who carried a bag, and +looked as if he had seen the hollowness of things, for his face wore a +bored, supercilious look. His uncle had evidently not arrived, unless +he had come disguised as an old woman, an act of which Gethryn refused +to believe him capable. + +He enquired as to the next train that was expected to arrive from +London. The station-master's son was not sure, but would ask the +porter, whose name it appeared was Johnny. Johnny gave the correct +answer without an effort. 'Seven-thirty it was, sir, except on +Saturdays, when it was eight o'clock.' + +'Thanks,' said the Bishop. 'Dash the man, he might at least have +wired.' + +He registered a silent wish concerning the uncle who had brought him a +long three miles out of his way with nothing to show at the end of it, +and was just turning to leave the station, when the top-hatted small +boy, who had been hovering round the group during the conversation, +addressed winged words to him. These were the winged words-- + +'I say, are you looking for somebody?' The Bishop stared at him as a +naturalist stares at a novel species of insect. + +'Yes,' he said. 'Why?' + +'Is your name Gethryn?' + +This affair, thought the Bishop, was beginning to assume an uncanny +aspect. + +'How the dickens did you know that?' he said. + +'Oh, then you are Gethryn? That's all right. I was told you were going +to be here to meet this train. Glad to make your acquaintance. My +name's Farnie. I'm your uncle, you know.' + +'My what?' gurgled the Bishop. + +'Your uncle. U-n, un; c-l-e--kul. Uncle. Fact, I assure you.' + + + + +[3] + +THE UNCLE MAKES HIMSELF AT HOME + + +'But, dash it,' said Gethryn, when he had finished gasping, 'that must +be rot!' + +'Not a bit,' said the self-possessed youth. 'Your mater was my elder +sister. You'll find it works out all right. Look here. A, the daughter +of B and C, marries. No, look here. I was born when you were four. +See?' + +Then the demoralized Bishop remembered. He had heard of his juvenile +uncle, but the tales had made little impression upon him. Till now they +had not crossed one another's tracks. + +'Oh, all right,' said he, 'I'll take your word for it. You seem to have +been getting up the subject.' + +'Yes. Thought you might want to know about it. I say, how far is it to +Beckford, and how do you get there?' + +Up till now Gethryn had scarcely realized that his uncle was actually +coming to the School for good. These words brought the fact home to +him. + +'Oh, Lord,' he said, 'are you coming to Beckford?' + +The thought of having his footsteps perpetually dogged by an uncle four +years younger than himself, and manifestly a youth with a fine taste in +cheek, was not pleasant. + +'Of course,' said his uncle. 'What did you think I was going to do? +Camp out on the platform?' + +'What House are you in?' + +'Leicester's.' + +The worst had happened. The bitter cup was full, the iron neatly +inserted in Gethryn's soul. In his most pessimistic moments he had +never looked forward to the coming term so gloomily as he did now. His +uncle noted his lack of enthusiasm, and attributed it to anxiety on +behalf of himself. + +'What's up?' he asked. 'Isn't Leicester's all right? Is Leicester a +beast?' + +'No. He's a perfectly decent sort of man. It's a good enough House. At +least it will be this term. I was only thinking of something.' + +'I see. Well, how do you get to the place?' + +'Walk. It isn't far.' + +'How far?' + +'Three miles.' + +'The porter said four.' + +'It may be four. I never measured it.' + +'Well, how the dickens do you think I'm going to walk four miles with +luggage? I wish you wouldn't rot.' + +And before Gethryn could quite realize that he, the head of +Leicester's, the second-best bowler in the School, and the best centre +three-quarter the School had had for four seasons, had been requested +in a peremptory manner by a youth of fourteen, a mere kid, not to rot, +the offender was talking to a cabman out of the reach of retaliation. +Gethryn became more convinced every minute that this was no ordinary +kid. + +'This man says,' observed Farnie, returning to Gethryn, 'that he'll +drive me up to the College for seven bob. As it's a short four miles, +and I've only got two boxes, it seems to me that he's doing himself +fairly well. What do you think?' + +'Nobody ever gives more than four bob,' said Gethryn. + +'I told you so,' said Farnie to the cabman. 'You are a bally swindler,' +he added admiringly. + +'Look 'ere,' began the cabman, in a pained voice. + +'Oh, dry up,' said Farnie. 'Want a lift, Gethryn?' + +The words were spoken not so much as from equal to equal as in a tone +of airy patronage which made the Bishop's blood boil. But as he +intended to instil a few words of wisdom into his uncle's mind, he did +not refuse the offer. + +The cabman, apparently accepting the situation as one of those slings +and arrows of outrageous fortune which no man can hope to escape, +settled down on the box, clicked up his horse, and drove on towards the +College. + +'What sort of a hole is Beckford?' asked Farnie, after the silence had +lasted some time. + +'I find it good enough personally,' said Gethryn. 'If you'd let us know +earlier that you were coming, we'd have had the place done up a bit for +you.' + +This, of course, was feeble, distinctly feeble. But the Bishop was not +feeling himself. The essay in sarcasm left the would-be victim entirely +uncrushed. He should have shrunk and withered up, or at the least have +blushed. But he did nothing of the sort. He merely smiled in his +supercilious way, until the Bishop felt very much inclined to spring +upon him and throw him out of the cab. + +There was another pause. + +'Farnie,' began Gethryn at last. + +'Um?' + +'Doesn't it strike you that for a kid like you you've got a good deal +of edge on?' asked Gethryn. + +Farnie effected a masterly counter-stroke. He pretended not to be able +to hear. He was sorry, but would the Bishop mind repeating his remark. + +'Eh? What?' he said. 'Very sorry, but this cab's making such a row. I +say, cabby, why don't you sign the pledge, and save your money up to +buy a new cab? Eh? Oh, sorry! I wasn't listening.' Now, inasmuch as the +whole virtue of the 'wretched-little-kid-like-you' argument lies in the +crisp despatch with which it is delivered, Gethryn began to find, on +repeating his observation for the third time, that there was not quite +so much in it as he had thought. He prudently elected to change his +style of attack. + +'It doesn't matter,' he said wearily, as Farnie opened his mouth to +demand a fourth encore, 'it wasn't anything important. Now, look here, +I just want to give you a few tips about what to do when you get to the +Coll. To start with, you'll have to take off that white tie you've got +on. Black and dark blue are the only sorts allowed here.' + +'How about yours then?' Gethryn was wearing a somewhat sweet thing in +brown and yellow. + +'Mine happens to be a First Eleven tie.' + +'Oh! Well, as a matter of fact, you know, I was going to take off my +tie. I always do, especially at night. It's a sort of habit I've got +into.' + +'Not quite so much of your beastly cheek, please,' said Gethryn. + +'Right-ho!' said Farnie cheerfully, and silence, broken only by the +shrieking of the cab wheels, brooded once more over the cab. Then +Gethryn, feeling that perhaps it would be a shame to jump too severely +on a new boy on his first day at a large public school, began to think +of something conciliatory to say. 'Look here,' he said, 'you'll get on +all right at Beckford, I expect. You'll find Leicester's a fairly +decent sort of House. Anyhow, you needn't be afraid you'll get bullied. +There's none of that sort of thing at School nowadays.' + +'Really?' + +'Yes, and there's another thing I ought to warn you about. Have you +brought much money with you?' + +''Bout fourteen pounds, I fancy,' said Farnie carelessly. + +'Fourteen _what_!' said the amazed Bishop. '_Pounds!_' + +'Or sovereigns,' said Farnie. 'Each worth twenty shillings, you know.' + +For a moment Gethryn's only feeling was one of unmixed envy. Previously +he had considered himself passing rich on thirty shillings a term. He +had heard legends, of course, of individuals who come to School +bursting with bullion, but never before had he set eyes upon such an +one. But after a time it began to dawn upon him that for a new boy at a +public school, and especially at such a House as Leicester's had become +under the rule of the late Reynolds and his predecessors, there might +be such a thing as having too much money. + +'How the deuce did you get all that?' he asked. + +'My pater gave it me. He's absolutely cracked on the subject of +pocket-money. Sometimes he doesn't give me a sou, and sometimes he'll +give me whatever I ask for.' + +'But you don't mean to say you had the cheek to ask for fourteen quid?' + +'I asked for fifteen. Got it, too. I've spent a pound of it. I said I +wanted to buy a bike. You can get a jolly good bike for five quid +about, so you see I scoop ten pounds. What?' + +This ingenious, if slightly unscrupulous, feat gave Gethryn an insight +into his uncle's character which up till now he had lacked. He began to +see that the moral advice with which he had primed himself would be out +of place. Evidently this youth could take quite good care of himself on +his own account. Still, even a budding Professor Moriarty would be none +the worse for being warned against Gethryn's _bete noire_, Monk, +so the Bishop proceeded to deliver that warning. + +'Well,' he said, 'you seem to be able to look out for yourself all +right, I must say. But there's one tip I really can give you. When you +get to Leicester's, and a beast with a green complexion and an oily +smile comes up and calls you "Old Cha-a-p", and wants you to swear +eternal friendship, tell him it's not good enough. Squash him!' + +'Thanks,' said Farnie. 'Who is this genial merchant?' + +'Chap called Monk. You'll recognize him by the smell of scent. When you +find the place smelling like an Eau-de-Cologne factory, you'll know +Monk's somewhere near. Don't you have anything to do with him.' + +'You seem to dislike the gentleman.' + +'I bar the man. But that isn't why I'm giving you the tip to steer +clear of him. There are dozens of chaps I bar who haven't an ounce of +vice in them. And there are one or two chaps who have got tons. Monk's +one of them. A fellow called Danvers is another. Also a beast of the +name of Waterford. There are some others as well, but those are the +worst of the lot. By the way, I forgot to ask, have you ever been to +school before?' + +'Yes,' said Farnie, in the dreamy voice of one who recalls memories +from the misty past, 'I was at Harrow before I came here, and at +Wellington before I went to Harrow, and at Clifton before I went to +Wellington.' + +Gethryn gasped. + +'Anywhere before you went to Clifton?' he enquired. + +'Only private schools.' + +The recollection of the platitudes which he had been delivering, under +the impression that he was talking to an entirely raw beginner, made +Gethryn feel slightly uncomfortable. What must this wanderer, who had +seen men and cities, have thought of his harangue? + +'Why did you leave Harrow?' asked he. + +'Sacked,' was the laconic reply. + +Have you ever, asks a modern philosopher, gone upstairs in the dark, +and trodden on the last step when it wasn't there? That sensation and +the one Gethryn felt at this unexpected revelation were identical. And +the worst of it was that he felt the keenest desire to know why Harrow +had seen fit to dispense with the presence of his uncle. + +'Why?' he began. 'I mean,' he went on hurriedly, 'why did you leave +Wellington?' + +'Sacked,' said Farnie again, with the monotonous persistence of a +Solomon Eagle. + +Gethryn felt at this juncture much as the unfortunate gentleman in +_Punch_ must have felt, when, having finished a humorous story, +the point of which turned upon squinting and red noses, he suddenly +discovered that his host enjoyed both those peculiarities. He struggled +manfully with his feelings for a time. Tact urged him to discontinue +his investigations and talk about the weather. Curiosity insisted upon +knowing further details. Just as the struggle was at its height, Farnie +came unexpectedly to the rescue. + +'It may interest you,' he said, 'to know that I was not sacked from +Clifton.' + +Gethryn with some difficulty refrained from thanking him for the +information. + +'I never stop at a school long,' said Farnie. 'If I don't get sacked my +father takes me away after a couple of terms. I went to four private +schools before I started on the public schools. My pater took me away +from the first two because he thought the drains were bad, the third +because they wouldn't teach me shorthand, and the fourth because he +didn't like the headmaster's face. I worked off those schools in a year +and a half.' Having finished this piece of autobiography, he relapsed +into silence, leaving Gethryn to recollect various tales he had heard +of his grandfather's eccentricity. The silence lasted until the College +was reached, when the matron took charge of Farnie, and Gethryn went +off to tell Marriott of these strange happenings. + +Marriott was amused, nor did he attempt to conceal the fact. When he +had finished laughing, which was not for some time, he favoured the +Bishop with a very sound piece of advice. 'If I were you,' he said, 'I +should try and hush this affair up. It's all fearfully funny, but I +think you'd enjoy life more if nobody knew this kid was your uncle. To +see the head of the House going about with a juvenile uncle in his wake +might amuse the chaps rather, and you might find it harder to keep +order; I won't let it out, and nobody else knows apparently. Go and +square the kid. Oh, I say though, what's his name? If it's Gethryn, +you're done. Unless you like to swear he's a cousin.' + +'No; his name's Farnie, thank goodness.' + +'That's all right then. Go and talk to him.' + +Gethryn went to the junior study. Farnie was holding forth to a knot of +fags at one end of the room. His audience appeared to be amused at +something. + +'I say, Farnie,' said the Bishop, 'half a second.' + +Farnie came out, and Gethryn proceeded to inform him that, all things +considered, and proud as he was of the relationship, it was not +absolutely essential that he should tell everybody that he was his +uncle. In fact, it would be rather better on the whole if he did not. +Did he follow? + +Farnie begged to observe that he did follow, but that, to his sorrow, +the warning came too late. + +'I'm very sorry,' he said, 'I hadn't the least idea you wanted the +thing kept dark. How was I to know? I've just been telling it to some +of the chaps in there. Awfully decent chaps. They seemed to think it +rather funny. Anyhow, I'm not ashamed of the relationship. Not yet, at +any rate.' + +For a moment Gethryn seemed about to speak. He looked fixedly at his +uncle as he stood framed in the doorway, a cheerful column of cool, +calm, concentrated cheek. Then, as if realizing that no words that he +knew could do justice to the situation, he raised his foot in silence, +and 'booted' his own flesh and blood with marked emphasis. After which +ceremony he went, still without a word, upstairs again. + +As for Farnie, he returned to the junior day-room whistling 'Down +South' in a soft but cheerful key, and solidified his growing +popularity with doles of food from a hamper which he had brought with +him. Finally, on retiring to bed and being pressed by the rest of his +dormitory for a story, he embarked upon the history of a certain +Pollock and an individual referred to throughout as the Porroh Man, the +former of whom caused the latter to be decapitated, and was ever +afterwards haunted by his head, which appeared to him all day and every +day (not excepting Sundays and Bank Holidays) in an upside-down +position and wearing a horrible grin. In the end Pollock very sensibly +committed suicide (with ghastly details), and the dormitory thanked +Farnie in a subdued and chastened manner, and tried, with small +success, to go to sleep. In short, Farnie's first evening at Beckford +had been quite a triumph. + + + + +[4] + +PRINGLE MAKES A SPORTING OFFER + + +Estimating it roughly, it takes a new boy at a public school about a +week to find his legs and shed his skin of newness. The period is, of +course, longer in the case of some and shorter in the case of others. +Both Farnie and Wilson had made themselves at home immediately. In the +case of the latter, directly the Skinner episode had been noised +abroad, and it was discovered in addition that he was a promising bat, +public opinion recognized that here was a youth out of the common run +of new boys, and the Lower Fourth--the form in which he had been placed +on arrival--took him to its bosom as an equal. Farnie's case was +exceptional. A career at Harrow, Clifton, and Wellington, however short +and abruptly terminated, gives one some sort of grip on the way public +school life is conducted. At an early date, moreover, he gave signs of +what almost amounted to genius in the Indoor Game department. Now, +success in the field is a good thing, and undoubtedly makes for +popularity. But if you desire to command the respect and admiration of +your fellow-beings to a degree stretched almost to the point of +idolatry, make yourself proficient in the art of whiling away the hours +of afternoon school. Before Farnie's arrival, his form, the Upper +Fourth, with the best intentions in the world, had not been skilful +'raggers'. They had ragged in an intermittent, once-a-week sort of way. +When, however, he came on the scene, he introduced a welcome element of +science into the sport. As witness the following. Mr Strudwick, the +regular master of the form, happened on one occasion to be away for a +couple of days, and a stop-gap was put in in his place. The name of the +stop-gap was Mr Somerville Smith. He and Farnie exchanged an unspoken +declaration of war almost immediately. The first round went in Mr +Smith's favour. He contrived to catch Farnie in the act of performing +some ingenious breach of the peace, and, it being a Wednesday and a +half-holiday, sent him into extra lesson. On the following morning, +more by design than accident, Farnie upset an inkpot. Mr Smith observed +icily that unless the stain was wiped away before the beginning of +afternoon school, there would be trouble. Farnie observed (to himself) +that there would be trouble in any case, for he had hit upon the +central idea for the most colossal 'rag' that, in his opinion, ever +was. After morning school he gathered the form around him, and +disclosed his idea. The floor of the form-room, he pointed out, was +some dozen inches below the level of the door. Would it not be a +pleasant and profitable notion, he asked, to flood the floor with water +to the depth of those dozen inches? On the wall outside the form-room +hung a row of buckets, placed there in case of fire, and the lavatory +was not too far off for practical purposes. Mr Smith had bidden him +wash the floor. It was obviously his duty to do so. The form thought so +too. For a solid hour, thirty weary but enthusiastic reprobates +laboured without ceasing, and by the time the bell rang all was +prepared. The floor was one still, silent pool. Two caps and a few +notebooks floated sluggishly on the surface, relieving the picture of +any tendency to monotony. The form crept silently to their places along +the desks. As Mr Smith's footsteps were heard approaching, they began +to beat vigorously upon the desks, with the result that Mr Smith, +quickening his pace, dashed into the form-room at a hard gallop. The +immediate results were absolutely satisfactory, and if matters +subsequently (when Mr Smith, having changed his clothes, returned with +the Headmaster) did get somewhat warm for the thirty criminals, they +had the satisfying feeling that their duty had been done, and a hearty +and unanimous vote of thanks was passed to Farnie. From which it will +be seen that Master Reginald Farnie was managing to extract more or +less enjoyment out of his life at Beckford. + +Another person who was enjoying life was Pringle of the School House. +The keynote of Pringle's character was superiority. At an early period +of his life--he was still unable to speak at the time--his grandmother +had died. This is probably the sole reason why he had never taught that +relative to suck eggs. Had she lived, her education in that direction +must have been taken in hand. Baffled in this, Pringle had turned his +attention to the rest of the human race. He had a rooted conviction +that he did everything a shade better than anybody else. This belief +did not make him arrogant at all, and certainly not offensive, for he +was exceedingly popular in the School. But still there were people who +thought that he might occasionally draw the line somewhere. Watson, the +ground-man, for example, thought so when Pringle primed him with advice +on the subject of preparing a wicket. And Langdale, who had been +captain of the team five years before, had thought so most decidedly, +and had not hesitated to say so when Pringle, then in his first term +and aged twelve, had stood behind the First Eleven net and requested +him peremptorily to 'keep 'em down, sir, keep 'em down'. Indeed, the +great man had very nearly had a fit on that occasion, and was wont +afterwards to attribute to the effects of the shock so received a +sequence of three 'ducks' which befell him in the next three matches. + +In short, in every department of life, Pringle's advice was always (and +generally unsought) at everybody's disposal. To round the position off +neatly, it would be necessary to picture him as a total failure in the +practical side of all the subjects in which he was so brilliant a +theorist. Strangely enough, however, this was not the case. There were +few better bats in the School than Pringle. Norris on his day was more +stylish, and Marriott not infrequently made more runs, but for +consistency Pringle was unrivalled. + +That was partly the reason why at this time he was feeling pleased with +life. The School had played three matches up to date, and had won them +all. In the first, an Oxford college team, containing several Old +Beckfordians, had been met and routed, Pringle contributing thirty-one +to a total of three hundred odd. But Norris had made a century, which +had rather diverted the public eye from this performance. Then the +School had played the Emeriti, and had won again quite comfortably. +This time his score had been forty-one, useful, but still not +phenomenal. Then in the third match, _versus_ Charchester, one of +the big school matches of the season, he had found himself. He ran up a +hundred and twenty-three without a chance, and felt that life had +little more to offer. That had been only a week ago, and the glow of +satisfaction was still pleasantly warm. + +It was while he was gloating silently in his study over the bat with +which a grateful Field Sports Committee had presented him as a reward +for this feat, that he became aware that Lorimer, his study companion, +appeared to be in an entirely different frame of mind to his own. +Lorimer was in the Upper Fifth, Pringle in the Remove. Lorimer sat at +the study table gnawing a pen in a feverish manner that told of an +overwrought soul. Twice he uttered sounds that were obviously sounds of +anguish, half groans and half grunts. Pringle laid down his bat and +decided to investigate. + +'What's up?' he asked. + +'This bally poem thing,' said Lorimer. + +'Poem? Oh, ah, I know.' Pringle had been in the Upper Fifth himself a +year before, and he remembered that every summer term there descended +upon that form a Bad Time in the shape of a poetry prize. A certain +Indian potentate, the Rajah of Seltzerpore, had paid a visit to the +school some years back, and had left behind him on his departure +certain monies in the local bank, which were to be devoted to providing +the Upper Fifth with an annual prize for the best poem on a subject to +be selected by the Headmaster. Entrance was compulsory. The wily +authorities knew very well that if it had not been, the entries for the +prize would have been somewhat small. Why the Upper Fifth were so +favoured in preference to the Sixth or Remove is doubtful. Possibly it +was felt that, what with the Jones History, the Smith Latin Verse, the +Robinson Latin Prose, and the De Vere Crespigny Greek Verse, and other +trophies open only to members of the Remove and Sixth, those two forms +had enough to keep them occupied as it was. At any rate, to the Upper +Fifth the prize was given, and every year, three weeks after the +commencement of the summer term, the Bad Time arrived. + +'Can't you get on?' asked Pringle. + +'No.' + +'What's the subject?' + +'Death of Dido.' + +'Something to be got out of that, surely.' + +'Wish you'd tell me what.' + +'Heap of things.' + +'Such as what? Can't see anything myself. I call it perfectly indecent +dragging the good lady out of her well-earned tomb at this time of day. +I've looked her up in the Dic. of Antiquities, and it appears that she +committed suicide some years ago. Body-snatching, I call it. What do I +want to know about her?' + +'What's Hecuba to him or he to Hecuba?' murmured Pringle. + +'Hecuba?' said Lorimer, looking puzzled, 'What's Hecuba got to do with +it?' + +'I was only quoting,' said Pringle, with gentle superiority. + +'Well, I wish instead of quoting rot you'd devote your energies to +helping me with these beastly verses. How on earth shall I begin?' + +'You might adapt my quotation. "What's Dido got to do with me, or I to +do with Dido?" I rather like that. Jam it down. Then you go on in a +sort of rag-time metre. In the "Coon Drum-Major" style. Besides, you +see, the beauty of it is that you administer a wholesome snub to the +examiner right away. Makes him sit up at once. Put it down.' + +Lorimer bit off another quarter of an inch of his pen. 'You needn't be +an ass,' he said shortly. + +'My dear chap,' said Pringle, enjoying himself immensely, 'what on +earth is the good of my offering you suggestions if you won't take +them?' + +Lorimer said nothing. He bit off another mouthful of penholder. + +'Well, anyway,' resumed Pringle. 'I can't see why you're so keen on the +business. Put down anything. The beaks never make a fuss about these +special exams.' + +'It isn't the beaks I care about,' said Lorimer in an injured tone of +voice, as if someone had been insinuating that he had committed some +crime, 'only my people are rather keen on my doing well in this exam.' + +'Why this exam, particularly?' + +'Oh, I don't know. My grandfather or someone was a bit of a pro at +verse in his day, I believe, and they think it ought to run in the +family.' + +Pringle examined the situation in all its aspects. 'Can't you get +along?' he enquired at length. + +'Not an inch.' + +'Pity. I wish we could swop places.' + +'So do I for some things. To start with, I shouldn't mind having made +that century of yours against Charchester.' + +Pringle beamed. The least hint that his fellow-man was taking him at +his own valuation always made him happy. + +'Thanks,' he said. 'No, but what I meant was that I wished I was in for +this poetry prize. I bet I could turn out a rattling good screed. Why, +last year I almost got the prize. I sent in fearfully hot stuff.' + +'Think so?' said Lorimer doubtfully, in answer to the 'rattling good +screed' passage of Pringle's speech. 'Well, I wish you'd have a shot. +You might as well.' + +'What, really? How about the prize?' + +'Oh, hang the prize. We'll have to chance that.' + +'I thought you were keen on getting it.' + +'Oh, no. Second or third will do me all right, and satisfy my people. +They only want to know for certain that I've got the poetic afflatus +all right. Will you take it on?' + +'All right.' + +'Thanks, awfully.' + +'I say, Lorimer,' said Pringle after a pause. + +'Yes?' + +'Are your people coming down for the O.B.s' match?' + +The Old Beckfordians' match was the great function of the Beckford +cricket season. The Headmaster gave a garden-party. The School band +played; the School choir sang; and sisters, cousins, aunts, and parents +flocked to the School in platoons. + +'Yes, I think so,' said Lorimer. 'Why?' + +'Is your sister coming?' + +'Oh, I don't know.' A brother's utter lack of interest in his sister's +actions is a weird and wonderful thing for an outsider to behold. + +'Well, look here, I wish you'd get her to come. We could give them tea +in here, and have rather a good time, don't you think?' + +'All right. I'll make her come. Look here, Pringle, I believe you're +rather gone on Mabel.' + +This was Lorimer's vulgar way. + +'Don't be an ass,' said Pringle, with a laugh which should have been +careless, but was in reality merely feeble. 'She's quite a kid.' + +Miss Mabel Lorimer's exact age was fifteen. She had brown hair, blue +eyes, and a smile which disclosed to view a dimple. There are worse +things than a dimple. Distinctly so, indeed. When ladies of fifteen +possess dimples, mere man becomes but as a piece of damp +blotting-paper. Pringle was seventeen and a half, and consequently too +old to take note of such frivolous attributes; but all the same he had +a sort of vague, sketchy impression that it would be pleasanter to run +up a lively century against the O.B.s with Miss Lorimer as a spectator +than in her absence. He felt pleased that she was coming. + +'I say, about this poem,' said Lorimer, dismissing a subject which +manifestly bored him, and returning to one which was of vital interest, +'you're sure you can write fairly decent stuff? It's no good sending in +stuff that'll turn the examiner's hair grey. Can you turn out something +really decent?' + +Pringle said nothing. He smiled gently as who should observe, 'I and +Shakespeare.' + + + + +[5] + +FARNIE GETS INTO TROUBLE-- + + +It was perhaps only natural that Farnie, having been warned so strongly +of the inadvisability of having anything to do with Monk, should for +that very reason be attracted to him. Nobody ever wants to do anything +except what they are not allowed to do. Otherwise there is no +explaining the friendship that arose between them. Jack Monk was not an +attractive individual. He had a slack mouth and a shifty eye, and his +complexion was the sort which friends would have described as olive, +enemies (with more truth) as dirty green. These defects would have +mattered little, of course, in themselves. There's many a bilious +countenance, so to speak, covers a warm heart. With Monk, however, +appearances were not deceptive. He looked a bad lot, and he was one. + +It was on the second morning of term that the acquaintanceship began. +Monk was coming downstairs from his study with Danvers, and Farnie was +leaving the fags' day-room. + +'See that kid?' said Danvers. 'That's the chap I was telling you about. +Gethryn's uncle, you know.' + +'Not really? Let's cultivate him. I say, old chap, don't walk so fast.' +Farnie, rightly concluding that the remark was addressed to him, turned +and waited, and the three strolled over to the School buildings +together. + +They would have made an interesting study for the observer of human +nature, the two seniors fancying that they had to deal with a small boy +just arrived at his first school, and in the grip of that strange, lost +feeling which attacks the best of new boys for a day or so after their +arrival; and Farnie, on the other hand, watching every move, as +perfectly composed and at home as a youth should be with the experience +of three public schools to back him up. + +When they arrived at the School gates, Monk and Danvers turned to go in +the direction of their form-room, the Remove, leaving Farnie at the +door of the Upper Fourth. At this point a small comedy took place. +Monk, after feeling hastily in his pockets, requested Danvers to lend +him five shillings until next Saturday. Danvers knew this request of +old, and he knew the answer that was expected of him. By replying that +he was sorry, but he had not got the money, he gave Farnie, who was +still standing at the door, his cue to offer to supply the deficiency. +Most new boys--they had grasped this fact from experience--would have +felt it an honour to oblige a senior with a small loan. As Farnie made +no signs of doing what was expected of him, Monk was obliged to resort +to the somewhat cruder course of applying for the loan in person. He +applied. Farnie with the utmost willingness brought to light a handful +of money, mostly gold. Monk's eye gleamed approval, and he stretched +forth an itching palm. Danvers began to think that it would be rash to +let a chance like this slip. Ordinarily the tacit agreement between the +pair was that only one should borrow at a time, lest confidence should +be destroyed in the victim. But here was surely an exception, a special +case. With a young gentleman so obviously a man of coin as Farnie, the +rule might well be broken for once. + +'While you're about it, Farnie, old man,' he said carelessly, 'you might +let me have a bob or two if you don't mind. Five bob'll see me through +to Saturday all right.' + +'Do you mean tomorrow?' enquired Farnie, looking up from his heap of +gold. + +'No, Saturday week. Let you have it back by then at the latest. Make a +point of it.' + +'How would a quid do?' + +'Ripping,' said Danvers ecstatically. + +'Same here,' assented Monk. + +'Then that's all right,' said Farnie briskly; 'I thought perhaps you +mightn't have had enough. You've got a quid, I know, Monk, because I +saw you haul one out at breakfast. And Danvers has got one too, because +he offered to toss you for it in the study afterwards. And besides, I +couldn't lend you anything in any case, because I've only got about +fourteen quid myself.' + +With which parting shot he retired, wrapped in gentle thought, into his +form-room; and from the noise which ensued immediately upon his +arrival, the shrewd listener would have deduced, quite correctly, that +he had organized and taken the leading part in a general rag. + +Monk and Danvers proceeded upon their way. + +'You got rather left there, old chap,' said Monk at length. + +'I like that,' replied the outraged Danvers. 'How about you, then? It +seemed to me you got rather left, too.' + +Monk compromised. + +'Well, anyhow,' he said, 'we shan't get much out of that kid.' + +'Little beast,' said Danvers complainingly. And they went on into their +form-room in silence. + +'I saw your young--er--relative in earnest conversation with friend +Monk this morning,' said Marriott, later on in the day, to Gethryn; 'I +thought you were going to give him the tip in that direction?' + +'So I did,' said the Bishop wearily; 'but I can't always be looking +after the little brute. He only does it out of sheer cussedness, +because I've told him not to. It stands to reason that he can't +_like_ Monk.' + +'You remind me of the psalmist and the wicked man, surname unknown,' +said Marriott. 'You _can't_ see the good side of Monk.' + +'There isn't one.' + +'No. He's only got two sides, a bad side and a worse side, which he +sticks on on the strength of being fairly good at games. I wonder if +he's going to get his First this season. He's not a bad bat.' + +'I don't think he will. He is a good bat, but there are heaps better in +the place. I say, I think I shall give young Farnie the tip once more, +and let him take it or leave it. What do you think?' + +'He'll leave it,' said Marriott, with conviction. + +Nor was he mistaken. Farnie listened with enthusiasm to his nephew's +second excursus on the Monk topic, and, though he said nothing, was +apparently convinced. On the following afternoon Monk, Danvers, +Waterford, and he hired a boat and went up the river together. Gethryn +and Marriott, steered by Wilson, who was rapidly developing into a +useful coxswain, got an excellent view of them moored under the shade +of a willow, drinking ginger-beer, and apparently on the best of terms +with one another and the world in general. In a brief but moving speech +the Bishop finally excommunicated his erring relative. 'For all I +care,' he concluded, 'he can do what he likes in future. I shan't stop +him.' + +'No,' said Marriott, 'I don't think you will.' + +For the first month of his school life Farnie behaved, except in his +choice of companions, much like an ordinary junior. He played cricket +moderately well, did his share of compulsory fielding at the First +Eleven net, and went for frequent river excursions with Monk, Danvers, +and the rest of the Mob. + +At first the other juniors of the House were inclined to resent this +extending of the right hand of fellowship to owners of studies and +Second Eleven men, and attempted to make Farnie see the sin and folly +of his ways. But Nature had endowed that youth with a fund of vitriolic +repartee. When Millett, one of Leicester's juniors, evolved some +laborious sarcasm on the subject of Farnie's swell friends, Farnie, in +a series of three remarks, reduced him, figuratively speaking, to a +small and palpitating spot of grease. After that his actions came in +for no further, or at any rate no outspoken comment. + +Given sixpence a week and no more, Farnie might have survived an entire +term without breaking any serious School rule. But when, after buying a +bicycle from Smith of Markham's, he found himself with eight pounds to +his name in solid cash, and the means of getting far enough away from +the neighbourhood of the School to be able to spend it much as he +liked, he began to do strange and risky things in his spare time. + +The great obstacle to illicit enjoyment at Beckford was the four +o'clock roll-call on half-holidays. There were other obstacles, such as +half-holiday games and so forth, but these could be avoided by the +exercise of a little judgement. The penalty for non-appearance at a +half-holiday game was a fine of sixpence. Constant absence was likely +in time to lead to a more or less thrilling interview with the captain +of cricket, but a very occasional attendance was enough to stave off +this disaster; and as for the sixpence, to a man of means like Farnie +it was a mere nothing. It was a bad system, and it was a wonder, under +the circumstances, how Beckford produced the elevens it did. But it was +the system, and Farnie availed himself of it to the full. + +The obstacle of roll-call he managed also to surmount. Some reckless +and penniless friend was generally willing, for a consideration, to +answer his name for him. And so most Saturday afternoons would find +Farnie leaving behind him the flannelled fools at their various +wickets, and speeding out into the country on his bicycle in the +direction of the village of Biddlehampton, where mine host of the 'Cow +and Cornflower', in addition to other refreshment for man and beast, +advertised that ping-pong and billiards might be played on the +premises. It was not the former of these games that attracted Farnie. +He was no pinger. Nor was he a pongster. But for billiards he had a +decided taste, a genuine taste, not the pumped-up affectation sometimes +displayed by boys of his age. Considering his age he was a remarkable +player. Later on in life it appeared likely that he would have the +choice of three professions open to him, namely, professional billiard +player, billiard marker, and billiard sharp. At each of the three he +showed distinct promise. He was not 'lured to the green cloth' by Monk +or Danvers. Indeed, if there had been any luring to be done, it is +probable that he would have done it, and not they. Neither Monk nor +Danvers was in his confidence in the matter. Billiards is not a cheap +amusement. By the end of his sixth week Farnie was reduced to a single +pound, a sum which, for one of his tastes, was practically poverty. And +just at the moment when he was least able to bear up against it, Fate +dealt him one of its nastiest blows. He was playing a fifty up against +a friendly but unskilful farmer at the 'Cow and Cornflower'. 'Better +look out,' he said, as his opponent effected a somewhat rustic stroke, +'you'll be cutting the cloth in a second.' The farmer grunted, missed +by inches, and retired, leaving the red ball in the jaws of the pocket, +and Farnie with three to make to win. + +It was an absurdly easy stroke, and the Bishop's uncle took it with an +absurd amount of conceit and carelessness. Hardly troubling to aim, he +struck his ball. The cue slid off in one direction, the ball rolled +sluggishly in another. And when the cue had finished its run, the +smooth green surface of the table was marred by a jagged and unsightly +cut. There was another young man gone wrong! + +To say that the farmer laughed would be to express the matter feebly. +That his young opponent, who had been irritating him unspeakably since +the beginning of the game with advice and criticism, should have done +exactly what he had cautioned him, the farmer, against a moment before, +struck him as being the finest example of poetic justice he had ever +heard of, and he signalized his appreciation of the same by nearly +dying of apoplexy. + +The marker expressed an opinion that Farnie had been and gone and done +it. + +''Ere,' he said, inserting a finger in the cut to display its +dimensions. 'Look 'ere. This'll mean a noo cloth, young feller me lad. +That's wot this'll mean. That'll be three pound we will trouble you +for, if _you_ please.' + +Farnie produced his sole remaining sovereign. + +'All I've got,' he said. 'I'll leave my name and address.' + +'Don't you trouble, young feller me lad,' said the marker, who appeared +to be a very aggressive and unpleasant sort of character altogether, +with meaning, 'I know yer name and I knows yer address. Today fortnight +at the very latest, if _you_ please. You don't want me to 'ave to +go to your master about it, now, do yer? What say? No. Ve' well then. +Today fortnight is the time, and you remember it.' + +What was left of Farnie then rode slowly back to Beckford. Why he went +to Monk on his return probably he could not have explained himself. But +he did go, and, having told his story in full, wound up by asking for a +loan of two pounds. Monk's first impulse was to refer him back to a +previous interview, when matters had been the other way about, that +small affair of the pound on the second morning of the term. Then there +flashed across his mind certain reasons against this move. At present +Farnie's attitude towards him was unpleasantly independent. He made him +understand that he went about with him from choice, and that there was +to be nothing of the patron and dependant about their alliance. If he +were to lend him the two pounds now, things would alter. And to have +got a complete hold over Master Reginald Farnie, Monk would have paid +more than two pounds. Farnie had the intelligence to carry through +anything, however risky, and there were many things which Monk would +have liked to do, but, owing to the risks involved, shirked doing for +himself. Besides, he happened to be in funds just now. + +'Well, look here, old chap,' he said, 'let's have strict business +between friends. If you'll pay me back four quid at the end of term, +you shall have the two pounds. How does that strike you?' + +It struck Farnie, as it would have struck most people, that if this was +Monk's idea of strict business, there were the makings of no ordinary +financier in him. But to get his two pounds he would have agreed to +anything. And the end of term seemed a long way off. + +The awkward part of the billiard-playing episode was that the +punishment for it, if detected, was not expulsion, but flogging. And +Farnie resembled the lady in _The Ingoldsby Legends_ who 'didn't +mind death, but who couldn't stand pinching'. He didn't mind +expulsion--he was used to it, but he could _not_ stand flogging. + +'That'll be all right,' he said. And the money changed hands. + + + + +[6] + +--AND STAYS THERE + + +'I say,' said Baker of Jephson's excitedly some days later, reeling +into the study which he shared with Norris, '_have_ you seen the +team the M.C.C.'s bringing down?' + +At nearly every school there is a type of youth who asks this question +on the morning of the M.C.C. match. Norris was engaged in putting the +finishing touches to a snow-white pair of cricket boots. + +'No. Hullo, where did you raise that Sporter? Let's have a look.' + +But Baker proposed to conduct this business in person. It is ten times +more pleasant to administer a series of shocks to a friend than to sit +by and watch him administering them to himself. He retained _The +Sportsman_, and began to read out the team. + +'Thought Middlesex had a match,' said Norris, as Baker paused +dramatically to let the name of a world-famed professional sink in. + +'No. They don't play Surrey till Monday.' + +'Well, if they've got an important match like Surrey on on Monday,' +said Norris disgustedly, 'what on earth do they let their best man come +down here today for, and fag himself out?' + +Baker suggested gently that if anybody was going to be fagged out at +the end of the day, it would in all probability be the Beckford +bowlers, and not a man who, as he was careful to point out, had run up +a century a mere three days ago against Yorkshire, and who was +apparently at that moment at the very top of his form. + +'Well,' said Norris, 'he might crock himself or anything. Rank bad +policy, I call it. Anybody else?' + +Baker resumed his reading. A string of unknowns ended in another +celebrity. + +'Blackwell?' said Norris. 'Not O. T. Blackwell?' + +'It says A. T. But,' went on Baker, brightening up again, 'they always +get the initials wrong in the papers. Certain to be O. T. By the way, I +suppose you saw that he made eighty-three against Notts the other day?' + +Norris tried to comfort himself by observing that Notts couldn't bowl +for toffee. + +'Last week, too,' said Baker, 'he made a hundred and forty-six not out +against Malvern for the Gentlemen of Warwickshire. They couldn't get +him out,' he concluded with unction. In spite of the fact that he +himself was playing in the match today, and might under the +circumstances reasonably look forward to a considerable dose of +leather-hunting, the task of announcing the bad news to Norris appeared +to have a most elevating effect on his spirits: + +'That's nothing extra special,' said Norris, in answer to the last item +of information, 'the Malvern wicket's like a billiard-table.' + +'Our wickets aren't bad either at this time of year,' said Baker, 'and +I heard rumours that they had got a record one ready for this match.' + +'It seems to me,' said Norris, 'that what I'd better do if we want to +bat at all today is to win the toss. Though Sammy and the Bishop and +Baynes ought to be able to get any ordinary side out all right.' + +'Only this isn't an ordinary side. It's a sort of improved county +team.' + +'They've got about four men who might come off, but the M.C.C. +sometimes have a bit of a tail. We ought to have a look in if we win +the toss.' + +'Hope so,' said Baker. 'I doubt it, though.' + +At a quarter to eleven the School always went out in a body to inspect +the pitch. After the wicket had been described by experts in hushed +whispers as looking pretty good, the bell rang, and all who were not +playing for the team, with the exception of the lucky individual who +had obtained for himself the post of scorer, strolled back towards the +blocks. Monk had come out with Waterford, but seeing Farnie ahead and +walking alone he quitted Waterford, and attached himself to the genial +Reginald. He wanted to talk business. He had not found the speculation +of the two pounds a very profitable one. He had advanced the money +under the impression that Farnie, by accepting it, was practically +selling his independence. And there were certain matters in which Monk +was largely interested, connected with the breaking of bounds and the +purchase of contraband goods, which he would have been exceedingly glad +to have performed by deputy. He had fancied that Farnie would have +taken over these jobs as part of his debt. But he had mistaken his man. +On the very first occasion when he had attempted to put on the screw, +Farnie had flatly refused to have anything to do with what he proposed. +He said that he was not Monk's fag--a remark which had the merit of +being absolutely true. + +All this, combined with a slight sinking of his own funds, induced Monk +to take steps towards recovering the loan. + +'I say, Farnie, old chap.' + +'Hullo!' + +'I say, do you remember my lending you two quid some time ago?' + +'You don't give me much chance of forgetting it,' said Farnie. + +Monk smiled. He could afford to be generous towards such witticisms. + +'I want it back,' he said. + +'All right. You'll get it at the end of term.' + +'I want it now.' + +'Why?' + +'Awfully hard up, old chap.' + +'You aren't,' said Farnie. 'You've got three pounds twelve and sixpence +half-penny. If you will keep counting your money in public, you can't +blame a chap for knowing how much you've got.' + +Monk, slightly disconcerted, changed his plan of action. He abandoned +skirmishing tactics. + +'Never mind that,' he said, 'the point is that I want that four pounds. +I'm going to have it, too.' + +'I know. At the end of term.' + +'I'm going to have it now.' + +'You can have a pound of it now.' + +'Not enough.' + +'I don't see how you expect me to raise any more. If I could, do you +think I should have borrowed it? You might chuck rotting for a change.' + +'Now, look here, old chap,' said Monk, 'I should think you'd rather +raise that tin somehow than have it get about that you'd been playing +pills at some pub out of bounds. What?' + +Farnie, for one of the few occasions on record, was shaken out of his +usual _sang-froid_. Even in his easy code of morality there had +always been one crime which was an anathema, the sort of thing no +fellow could think of doing. But it was obviously at this that Monk was +hinting. + +'Good Lord, man,' he cried, 'you don't mean to say you're thinking of +sneaking? Why, the fellows would boot you round the field. You couldn't +stay in the place a week.' + +'There are heaps of ways,' said Monk, 'in which a thing can get about +without anyone actually telling the beaks. At present I've not told a +soul. But, you know, if I let it out to anyone they might tell someone +else, and so on. And if everybody knows a thing, the beaks generally +get hold of it sooner or later. You'd much better let me have that four +quid, old chap.' + +Farnie capitulated. + +'All right,' he said, 'I'll get it somehow.' + +'Thanks awfully, old chap,' said Monk, 'so long!' + +In all Beckford there was only one person who was in the least degree +likely to combine the two qualities necessary for the extraction of +Farnie from his difficulties. These qualities were--in the first place +ability, in the second place willingness to advance him, free of +security, the four pounds he required. The person whom he had in his +mind was Gethryn. He had reasoned the matter out step by step during +the second half of morning school. Gethryn, though he had, as Farnie +knew, no overwhelming amount of affection for his uncle, might in a +case of great need prove blood to be thicker (as per advertisement) +than water. But, he reflected, he must represent himself as in danger +of expulsion rather than flogging. He had an uneasy idea that if the +Bishop were to discover that all he stood to get was a flogging, he +would remark with enthusiasm that, as far as he was concerned, the good +work might go on. Expulsion was different. To save a member of his +family from expulsion, he might think it worth while to pass round the +hat amongst his wealthy acquaintances. If four plutocrats with four +sovereigns were to combine, Farnie, by their united efforts, would be +saved. And he rather liked the notion of being turned into a sort of +limited liability company, like the Duke of Plaza Toro, at a pound a +share. It seemed to add a certain dignity to his position. + +To Gethryn's study, therefore, he went directly school was over. If he +had reflected, he might have known that he would not have been there +while the match was going on. But his brain, fatigued with his recent +calculations, had not noted this point. + +The study was empty. + +Most people, on finding themselves in a strange and empty room, are +seized with a desire to explore the same, and observe from internal +evidence what manner of man is the owner. Nowhere does character come +out so clearly as in the decoration of one's private den. Many a man, +at present respected by his associates, would stand forth unmasked at +his true worth, could the world but look into his room. For there they +would see that he was so lost to every sense of shame as to cover his +books with brown paper, or deck his walls with oleographs presented +with the Christmas numbers, both of which habits argue a frame of mind +fit for murderers, stratagems, and spoils. Let no such man be trusted. + +The Bishop's study, which Farnie now proceeded to inspect, was not of +this kind. It was a neat study, arranged with not a little taste. There +were photographs of teams with the College arms on their plain oak +frames, and photographs of relations in frames which tried to look, and +for the most part succeeded in looking, as if they had not cost +fourpence three farthings at a Christmas bargain sale. There were +snap-shots of various moving incidents in the careers of the Bishop and +his friends: Marriott, for example, as he appeared when carried to the +Pavilion after that sensational century against the Authentics: +Robertson of Blaker's winning the quarter mile: John Brown, Norris's +predecessor in the captaincy, and one of the four best batsmen Beckford +had ever had, batting at the nets: Norris taking a skier on the +boundary in last year's M.C.C. match: the Bishop himself going out to +bat in the Charchester match, and many more of the same sort. + +All these Farnie observed with considerable interest, but as he moved +towards the book-shelf his eye was caught by an object more interesting +still. It was a cash-box, simple and unornamental, but undoubtedly a +cash-box, and as he took it up it rattled. + +The key was in the lock. In a boarding House at a public school it is +not, as a general rule, absolutely necessary to keep one's valuables +always hermetically sealed. The difference between _meum_ and +_tuum_ is so very rarely confused by the occupants of such an +establishment, that one is apt to grow careless, and every now and then +accidents happen. An accident was about to happen now. + +It was at first without any motive except curiosity that Farnie opened +the cash-box. He merely wished to see how much there was inside, with a +view to ascertaining what his prospects of negotiating a loan with his +relative were likely to be. When, however, he did see, other feelings +began to take the place of curiosity. He counted the money. There were +ten sovereigns, one half-sovereign, and a good deal of silver. One of +the institutions at Beckford was a mission. The School by (more or +less) voluntary contributions supported a species of home somewhere in +the wilds of Kennington. No one knew exactly what or where this home +was, but all paid their subscriptions as soon as possible in the term, +and tried to forget about it. Gethryn collected not only for +Leicester's House, but also for the Sixth Form, and was consequently, +if only by proxy, a man of large means. _Too_ large, Farnie +thought. Surely four pounds, to be paid back (probably) almost at once, +would not be missed. Why shouldn't he-- + +'Hullo!' + +Farnie spun round. Wilson was standing in the doorway. + +'Hullo, Farnie,' said he, 'what are you playing at in here?' + +'What are you?' retorted Farnie politely. + +'Come to fetch a book. Marriott said I might. What are you up to?' + +'Oh, shut up!' said Farnie. 'Why shouldn't I come here if I like? +Matter of fact, I came to see Gethryn.' + +'He isn't here,' said Wilson luminously. + +'You don't mean to say you've noticed that already? You've got an eye +like a hawk, Wilson. I was just taking a look round, if you really want +to know.' + +'Well, I shouldn't advise you to let Marriott catch you mucking his +study up. Seen a book called _Round the Red Lamp_? Oh, here it is. +Coming over to the field?' + +'Not just yet. I want to have another look round. Don't you wait, +though.' + +'Oh, all right.' And Wilson retired with his book. + +Now, though Wilson at present suspected nothing, not knowing of the +existence of the cash-box, Farnie felt that when the money came to be +missed, and inquiries were made as to who had been in the study, and +when, he would recall the interview. Two courses, therefore, remained +open to him. He could leave the money altogether, or he could take it +and leave himself. In other words, run away. + +In the first case there would, of course, remain the chance that he +might induce Gethryn to lend him the four pounds, but this had never +been more than a forlorn hope; and in the light of the possibilities +opened out by the cash-box, he thought no more of it. The real problem +was, should he or should he not take the money from the cash-box? + +As he hesitated, the recollection of Monk's veiled threats came back to +him, and he wavered no longer. He opened the box again, took out the +contents, and dropped them into his pocket. While he was about it, he +thought he might as well take all as only a part. + +Then he wrote two notes. One--to the Bishop--he placed on top of the +cash-box; the other he placed with four sovereigns on the table in +Monk's study. Finally he left the room, shut the door carefully behind +him, and went to the yard at the back of the House, where he kept his +bicycle. + +The workings of the human mind, and especially of the young human mind, +are peculiar. It never occurred to Farnie that a result equally +profitable to himself, and decidedly more convenient for all +concerned--with the possible exception of Monk--might have been arrived +at if he had simply left the money in the box, and run away without it. + +However, as the poet says, you can't think of everything. + + + + +[7] + +THE BISHOP GOES FOR A RIDE + + +The M.C.C. match opened auspiciously. Norris, for the first time that +season, won the toss. Tom Brown, we read, in a similar position, 'with +the usual liberality of young hands', put his opponents in first. +Norris was not so liberal. He may have been young, but he was not so +young as that. The sun was shining on as true a wicket as was ever +prepared when he cried 'Heads', and the coin, after rolling for some +time in diminishing circles, came to a standstill with the dragon +undermost. And Norris returned to the Pavilion and informed his +gratified team that, all things considered, he rather thought that they +would bat, and he would be obliged if Baker would get on his pads and +come in first with him. + +The M.C.C. men took the field--O. T. Blackwell, by the way, had shrunk +into a mere brother of the century-making A. T.--and the two School +House representatives followed them. An amateur of lengthy frame took +the ball, a man of pace, to judge from the number of slips. Norris +asked for 'two leg'. An obliging umpire informed him that he had got +two leg. The long bowler requested short slip to stand finer, swung his +arm as if to see that the machinery still worked, and dashed wildly +towards the crease. The match had begun. + +There are few pleasanter or more thrilling moments in one's school +career than the first over of a big match. Pleasant, that is to say, if +you are actually looking on. To have to listen to a match being started +from the interior of a form-room is, of course, maddening. You hear the +sound of bat meeting ball, followed by distant clapping. Somebody has +scored. But who and what? It may be a four, or it may be a mere single. +More important still, it may be the other side batting after all. Some +miscreant has possibly lifted your best bowler into the road. The +suspense is awful. It ought to be a School rule that the captain of the +team should send a message round the form-rooms stating briefly and +lucidly the result of the toss. Then one would know where one was. As +it is, the entire form is dependent on the man sitting under the +window. The form-master turns to write on the blackboard. The only hope +of the form shoots up like a rocket, gazes earnestly in the direction +of the Pavilion, and falls back with a thud into his seat. 'They +haven't started yet,' he informs the rest in a stage whisper. +'Si-_lence_,' says the form-master, and the whole business must be +gone through again, with the added disadvantage that the master now has +his eye fixed coldly on the individual nearest the window, your only +link with the outer world. + +Various masters have various methods under such circumstances. One more +than excellent man used to close his book and remark, 'I think we'll +make up a little party to watch this match.' And the form, gasping its +thanks, crowded to the windows. Another, the exact antithesis of this +great and good gentleman, on seeing a boy taking fitful glances through +the window, would observe acidly, 'You are at perfect liberty, Jones, +to watch the match if you care to, but if you do you will come in in +the afternoon and make up the time you waste.' And as all that could be +seen from that particular window was one of the umpires and a couple of +fieldsmen, Jones would reluctantly elect to reserve himself, and for +the present to turn his attention to Euripides again. + +If you are one of the team, and watch the match from the Pavilion, you +escape these trials, but there are others. In the first few overs of a +School match, every ball looks to the spectators like taking a wicket. +The fiendish ingenuity of the slow bowler, and the lightning speed of +the fast man at the other end, make one feel positively ill. When the +first ten has gone up on the scoring-board matters begin to right +themselves. Today ten went up quickly. The fast man's first ball was +outside the off-stump and a half-volley, and Norris, whatever the state +of his nerves at the time, never forgot his forward drive. Before the +bowler had recovered his balance the ball was half-way to the ropes. +The umpire waved a large hand towards the Pavilion. The bowler looked +annoyed. And the School inside the form-rooms asked itself feverishly +what had happened, and which side it was that was applauding. + +Having bowled his first ball too far up, the M.C.C. man, on the +principle of anything for a change, now put in a very short one. +Norris, a new man after that drive, steered it through the slips, and +again the umpire waved his hand. + +The rest of the over was more quiet. The last ball went for four byes, +and then it was Baker's turn to face the slow man. Baker was a steady, +plodding bat. He played five balls gently to mid-on, and glanced the +sixth for a single to leg. With the fast bowler, who had not yet got +his length, he was more vigorous, and succeeded in cutting him twice +for two. + +With thirty up for no wickets the School began to feel more +comfortable. But at forty-three Baker was shattered by the man of pace, +and retired with twenty to his credit. Gethryn came in next, but it was +not to be his day out with the bat. + +The fast bowler, who was now bowling excellently, sent down one rather +wide of the off-stump. The Bishop made most of his runs from off balls, +and he had a go at this one. It was rising when he hit it, and it went +off his bat like a flash. In a School match it would have been a +boundary. But today there was unusual talent in the slips. The man from +Middlesex darted forward and sideways. He took the ball one-handed two +inches from the ground, and received the applause which followed the +effort with a rather bored look, as if he were saying, 'My good sirs, +_why_ make a fuss over these trifles!' The Bishop walked slowly +back to the Pavilion, feeling that his luck was out, and Pringle came +in. + +A boy of Pringle's character is exactly the right person to go in in an +emergency like the present one. Two wickets had fallen in two balls, +and the fast bowler was swelling visibly with determination to do the +hat-trick. But Pringle never went in oppressed by the fear of getting +out. He had a serene and boundless confidence in himself. + +The fast man tried a yorker. Pringle came down hard on it, and forced +the ball past the bowler for a single. Then he and Norris settled down +to a lengthy stand. + +'I do like seeing Pringle bat,' said Gosling. 'He always gives you the +idea that he's doing you a personal favour by knocking your bowling +about. Oh, well hit!' + +Pringle had cut a full-pitch from the slow bowler to the ropes. +Marriott, who had been silent and apparently in pain for some minutes, +now gave out the following homemade effort: + + A dashing young sportsman named Pringle, + On breaking his duck (with a single), + Observed with a smile, + 'Just notice my style, + How science with vigour I mingle.' + +'Little thing of my own,' he added, quoting England's greatest +librettist. 'I call it "Heart Foam". I shall not publish it. Oh, run it +out!' + +Both Pringle and Norris were evidently in form. Norris was now not far +from his fifty, and Pringle looked as if he might make anything. The +century went up, and a run later Norris off-drove the slow bowler's +successor for three, reaching his fifty by the stroke. + +'Must be fairly warm work fielding today,' said Reece. + +'By Jove!' said Gethryn, 'I forgot. I left my white hat in the House. +Any of you chaps like to fetch it?' + +There were no offers. Gethryn got up. + +'Marriott, you slacker, come over to the House.' + +'My good sir, I'm in next. Why don't you wait till the fellows come out +of school and send a kid for it?' + +'He probably wouldn't know where to find it. I don't know where it is +myself. No, I shall go, but there's no need to fag about it yet. Hullo! +Norris is out.' + +Norris had stopped a straight one with his leg. He had made fifty-one +in his best manner, and the School, leaving the form-rooms at the exact +moment when the fatal ball was being bowled, were just in time to +applaud him and realize what they had missed. + +Gethryn's desire for his hat was not so pressing as to make him deprive +himself of the pleasure of seeing Marriott at the wickets. Marriott +ought to do something special today. Unfortunately, after he had played +out one over and hit two fours off it, the luncheon interval began. + +It was, therefore, not for half an hour that the Bishop went at last in +search of the missing headgear. As luck would have it, the hat was on +the table, so that whatever chance he might have had of overlooking the +note which his uncle had left for him on the empty cash-box +disappeared. The two things caught his eye simultaneously. He opened +the note and read it. It is not necessary to transcribe the note in +detail. It was no masterpiece of literary skill. But it had this merit, +that it was not vague. Reading it, one grasped its meaning +immediately. + +The Bishop's first feeling was that the bottom had dropped out of +everything suddenly. Surprise was not the word. It was the arrival of +the absolutely unexpected. + +Then he began to consider the position. + +Farnie must be brought back. That was plain. And he must be brought +back at once, before anyone could get to hear of what had happened. +Gethryn had the very strongest objections to his uncle, considered +purely as a human being; but the fact remained that he was his uncle, +and the Bishop had equally strong objections to any member of his +family being mixed up in a business of this description. + +Having settled that point, he went on to the next. How was he to be +brought back? He could not have gone far, for he could not have been +gone much more than half an hour. Again, from his knowledge of his +uncle's character, he deduced that he had in all probability not gone +to the nearest station, Horton. At Horton one had to wait hours at a +time for a train. Farnie must have made his way--on his +bicycle--straight for the junction, Anfield, fifteen miles off by a +good road. A train left Anfield for London at three-thirty. It was now +a little past two. On a bicycle he could do it easily, and get back +with his prize by about five, if he rode hard. In that case all would +be well. Only three of the School wickets had fallen, and the pitch was +playing as true as concrete. Besides, there was Pringle still in at one +end, well set, and surely Marriott and Jennings and the rest of them +would manage to stay in till five. They couldn't help it. All they had +to do was to play forward to everything, and they must stop in. He +himself had got out, it was true, but that was simply a regrettable +accident. Not one man in a hundred would have caught that catch. No, +with luck he ought easily to be able to do the distance and get back in +time to go out with the rest of the team to field. + +He ran downstairs and out of the House. On his way to the bicycle-shed +he stopped, and looked towards the field, part of which could be seen +from where he stood. The match had begun again. The fast bowler was +just commencing his run. He saw him tear up to the crease and deliver +the ball. What happened then he could not see, owing to the trees which +stood between him and the School grounds. But he heard the crack of +ball meeting bat, and a great howl of applause went up from the +invisible audience. A boundary, apparently. Yes, there was the umpire +signalling it. Evidently a long stand was going to be made. He would +have oceans of time for his ride. Norris wouldn't dream of declaring +the innings closed before five o'clock at the earliest, and no bowler +could take seven wickets in the time on such a pitch. He hauled his +bicycle from the shed, and rode off at racing speed in the direction of +Anfield. + + + + +[8] + +THE M.C.C. MATCH + + +But out in the field things were going badly with Beckford. The aspect +of a game often changes considerably after lunch. For a while it looked +as if Marriott and Pringle were in for their respective centuries. But +Marriott was never a safe batsman. + +A hundred and fifty went up on the board off a square leg hit for two, +which completed Pringle's half-century, and then Marriott faced the +slow bowler, who had been put on again after lunch. The first ball was +a miss-hit. It went behind point for a couple. The next he got fairly +hold of and drove to the boundary. The third was a very simple-looking +ball. Its sole merit appeared to be the fact that it was straight. Also +it was a trifle shorter than it looked. Marriott jumped out, and got +too much under it. Up it soared, straight over the bowler's head. A +trifle more weight behind the hit, and it would have cleared the ropes. +As it was, the man in the deep-field never looked like missing it. The +batsmen had time to cross over before the ball arrived, but they did it +without enthusiasm. The run was not likely to count. Nor did it. +Deep-field caught it like a bird. Marriott had made twenty-two. + +And now occurred one of those rots which so often happen without any +ostensible cause in the best regulated school elevens. Pringle played +the three remaining balls of the over without mishap, but when it was +the fast man's turn to bowl to Bruce, Marriott's successor, things +began to happen. Bruce, temporarily insane, perhaps through +nervousness, played back at a half-volley, and was clean bowled. Hill +came in, and was caught two balls later at the wicket. And the last +ball of the over sent Jennings's off-stump out of the ground, after +that batsman had scored two. + +'I can always bowl like blazes after lunch,' said the fast man to +Pringle. 'It's the lobster salad that does it, I think.' Four for a +hundred and fifty-seven had changed to seven for a hundred and +fifty-nine in the course of a single over. Gethryn's calculations, if +he had only known, could have done now with a little revision. + +Gosling was the next man. He was followed, after a brief innings of +three balls, which realized eight runs, by Baynes. Baynes, though +abstaining from runs himself, helped Pringle to add three to the score, +all in singles, and was then yorked by the slow man, who meanly and +treacherously sent down, without the slightest warning, a very fast one +on the leg stump. Then Reece came in for the last wicket, and the rot +stopped. Reece always went in last for the School, and the School in +consequence always felt that there were possibilities to the very end +of the innings. + +The lot of a last-wicket man is somewhat trying. As at any moment his +best innings may be nipped in the bud by the other man getting out, he +generally feels that it is hardly worth while to play himself in before +endeavouring to make runs. He therefore tries to score off every ball, +and thinks himself lucky if he gets half a dozen. Reece, however, took +life more seriously. He had made quite an art of last-wicket batting. +Once, against the Butterflies, he had run up sixty not out, and there +was always the chance that he would do the same again. Today, with +Pringle at the other end, he looked forward to a pleasant hour or two +at the wicket. + +No bowler ever looks on the last man quite in the same light as he does +the other ten. He underrates him instinctively. The M.C.C. fast bowler +was a man with an idea. His idea was that he could bowl a slow ball of +diabolical ingenuity. As a rule, public feeling was against his trying +the experiment. His captains were in the habit of enquiring rudely if +he thought he was playing marbles. This was exactly what the M.C.C. +captain asked on the present occasion, when the head ball sailed +ponderously through the air, and was promptly hit by Reece into the +Pavilion. The bowler grinned, and resumed his ordinary pace. + +But everything came alike to Reece. Pringle, too, continued his career +of triumph. Gradually the score rose from a hundred and seventy to two +hundred. Pringle cut and drove in all directions, with the air of a +prince of the blood royal distributing largesse. The second century +went up to the accompaniment of cheers. + +Then the slow bowler reaped his reward, for Pringle, after putting his +first two balls over the screen, was caught on the boundary off the +third. He had contributed eighty-one to a total of two hundred and +thirteen. + +So far Gethryn's absence had not been noticed. But when the umpires had +gone out, and the School were getting ready to take the field, +inquiries were made. + +'You might begin at the top end, Gosling,' said Norris. + +'Right,' said Samuel. 'Who's going on at the other?' + +'Baynes. Hullo, where's Gethryn?' + +'Isn't he here? Perhaps he's in the Pavi--' + +'Any of you chaps seen Gethryn?' + +'He isn't in the Pav.,' said Baker. 'I've just come out of the First +room myself, and he wasn't there. Shouldn't wonder if he's over at +Leicester's.' + +'Dash the man,' said Norris, 'he might have known we'd be going out to +field soon. Anyhow, we can't wait for him. We shall have to field a +sub. till he turns up.' + +'Lorimer's in the Pav., changed,' said Pringle. + +'All right. He'll do.' + +And, reinforced by the gratified Lorimer, the team went on its way. + +In the beginning the fortunes of the School prospered. Gosling opened, +as was his custom, at a tremendous pace, and seemed to trouble the +first few batsmen considerably. A worried-looking little person who had +fielded with immense zeal during the School innings at cover-point took +the first ball. It was very fast, and hit him just under the knee-cap. +The pain, in spite of the pad, appeared to be acute. The little man +danced vigorously for some time, and then, with much diffidence, +prepared himself for the second instalment. + +Now, when on the cricket field, the truculent Samuel was totally +deficient in all the finer feelings, such as pity and charity. He could +see that the batsman was in pain, and yet his second ball was faster +than the first. It came in quickly from the off. The little batsman +went forward in a hesitating, half-hearted manner, and played a clear +two inches inside the ball. The off-stump shot out of the ground. + +'Bowled, Sammy,' said Norris from his place in the slips. + +The next man was a clergyman, a large man who suggested possibilities +in the way of hitting. But Gosling was irresistible. For three balls +the priest survived. But the last of the over, a fast yorker on the leg +stump, was too much for him, and he retired. + +Two for none. The critic in the deck chair felt that the match was as +good as over. + +But this idyllic state of things was not to last. The newcomer, a tall +man with a light moustache, which he felt carefully after every ball, +soon settled down. He proved to be a conversationalist. Until he had +opened his account, which he did with a strong drive to the ropes, he +was silent. When, however, he had seen the ball safely to the boundary, +he turned to Reece and began. + +'Rather a nice one, that. Eh, what? Yes. Got it just on the right +place, you know. Not a bad bat this, is it? What? Yes. One of Slogbury +and Whangham's Sussex Spankers, don't you know. Chose it myself. Had it +in pickle all the winter. Yes.' + +'Play, sir,' from the umpire. + +'Eh, what? Oh, right. Yes, good make these Sussex--_Spankers_. Oh, +well fielded.' + +At the word spankers he had effected another drive, but Marriott at +mid-off had stopped it prettily. + +Soon it began to occur to Norris that it would be advisable to have a +change of bowling. Gosling was getting tired, and Baynes apparently +offered no difficulties to the batsman on the perfect wicket, the +conversational man in particular being very severe upon him. It was at +such a crisis that the Bishop should have come in. He was Gosling's +understudy. But where was he? The innings had been in progress over +half an hour now, and still there were no signs of him. A man, thought +Norris, who could cut off during the M.C.C. match (of all matches!), +probably on some rotten business of his own, was beyond the pale, and +must, on reappearance, be fallen upon and rent. He--here something +small and red whizzed at his face. He put up his hands to protect +himself. The ball struck them and bounded out again. When a fast bowler +is bowling a slip he should not indulge in absent-mindedness. The +conversational man had received his first life, and, as he was careful +to explain to Reece, it was a curious thing, but whenever he was let +off early in his innings he always made fifty, and as a rule a century. +Gosling's analysis was spoilt, and the match in all probability lost. +And Norris put it all down to Gethryn. If he had been there, this would +not have happened. + +'Sorry, Gosling,' he said. + +'All right,' said Gosling, though thinking quite the reverse. And he +walked back to bowl his next ball, conjuring up a beautiful vision in +his mind. J. Douglas and Braund were fielding slip to him in the +vision, while in the background Norris appeared, in a cauldron of +boiling oil. + +'Tut, tut,' said Baker facetiously to the raging captain. + +Baker's was essentially a flippant mind. Not even a moment of solemn +agony, such as this, was sacred to him. + +Norris was icy and severe. + +'If you want to rot about, Baker,' he said, 'perhaps you'd better go +and play stump-cricket with the juniors.' + +'Well,' retorted Baker, with great politeness, 'I suppose seeing you +miss a gaper like that right into your hands made me think I was +playing stump-cricket with the juniors.' + +At this point the conversation ceased, Baker suddenly remembering that +he had not yet received his First Eleven colours, and that it would +therefore be rash to goad the captain too freely, while Norris, for his +part, recalled the fact that Baker had promised to do some Latin verse +for him that evening, and might, if crushed with some scathing +repartee, refuse to go through with that contract. So there was silence +in the slips. + +The partnership was broken at last by a lucky accident. The +conversationalist called his partner for a short run, and when that +unfortunate gentleman had sprinted some twenty yards, reconsidered the +matter and sent him back. Reece had the bails off before the victim had +completed a third of the return journey. + +For some time after this matters began to favour the School again. With +the score at a hundred and five, three men left in two overs, one +bowled by Gosling, the others caught at point and in the deep off +Jennings, who had deposed Baynes. Six wickets were now down, and the +enemy still over a hundred behind. + +But the M.C.C. in its school matches has this peculiarity. However +badly it may seem to stand, there is always something up its sleeve. In +this case it was a professional, a man indecently devoid of anything in +the shape of nerves. He played the bowling with a stolid confidence, +amounting almost to contempt, which struck a chill to the hearts of the +School bowlers. It did worse. It induced them to bowl with the sole +object of getting the conversationalist at the batting end, thus +enabling the professional to pile up an unassuming but rapidly +increasing score by means of threes and singles. + +As for the conversationalist, he had made thirty or more, and wanted +all the bowling he could get. + +'It's a very curious thing,' he said to Reece, as he faced Gosling, +after his partner had scored a three off the first ball of the over, +'but some fellows simply detest fast bowling. Now I--' He never finished +the sentence. When he spoke again it was to begin a new one. + +'How on earth did that happen?' he asked. + +'I think it bowled you,' said Reece stolidly, picking up the two stumps +which had been uprooted by Gosling's express. + +'Yes. But how? Dash it! What? I can't underst--. Most curious thing I +ever--dash it all, you know.' + +He drifted off in the direction of the Pavilion, stopping on the way to +ask short leg his opinion of the matter. + +'Bowled, Sammy,' said Reece, putting on the bails. + +'Well bowled, Gosling,' growled Norris from the slips. + +'Sammy the marvel, by Jove,' said Marriott. 'Switch it on, Samuel, more +and more.' + +'I wish Norris would give me a rest. Where on earth is that man +Gethryn?' + +'Rum, isn't it? There's going to be something of a row about it. Norris +seems to be getting rather shirty. Hullo! here comes the Deathless +Author.' + +The author referred to was the new batsman, a distinguished novelist, +who played a good deal for the M.C.C. He broke his journey to the +wicket to speak to the conversationalist, who was still engaged with +short leg. + +'Bates, old man,' he said, 'if you're going to the Pavilion you might +wait for me. I shall be out in an hour or two.' + +Upon which Bates, awaking suddenly to the position of affairs, went on +his way. + +With the arrival of the Deathless Author an unwelcome change came over +the game. His cricket style resembled his literary style. Both were +straightforward and vigorous. The first two balls he received from +Gosling he drove hard past cover point to the ropes. Gosling, who had +been bowling unchanged since the innings began, was naturally feeling a +little tired. He was losing his length, and bowling more slowly than +was his wont. Norris now gave him a rest for a few overs, Bruce going +on with rather innocuous medium left-hand bowling. The professional +continued to jog along slowly. The novelist hit. Everything seemed to +come alike to him. Gosling resumed, but without effect, while at the +other end bowler after bowler was tried. From a hundred and ten the +score rose and rose, and still the two remained together. A hundred and +ninety went up, and Norris in despair threw the ball to Marriott. + +'Here you are, Marriott,' he said, 'I'm afraid we shall have to try +you.' + +'That's what I call really nicely expressed,' said Marriott to the +umpire. 'Yes, over the wicket.' + +Marriott was a slow, 'House-match' sort of bowler. That is to say, in a +House match he was quite likely to get wickets, but in a First Eleven +match such an event was highly improbable. His bowling looked very +subtle, and if the ball was allowed to touch the ground it occasionally +broke quite a remarkable distance. + +The forlorn hope succeeded. The professional for the first time in his +innings took a risk. He slashed at a very mild ball almost a wide on +the off side. The ball touched the corner of the bat, and soared up in +the direction of cover-point, where Pringle held it comfortably. + +'There you are,' said Marriott, 'when you put a really scientific +bowler on you're bound to get a wicket. Why on earth didn't I go on +before, Norris?' + +'You wait,' said Norris, 'there are five more balls of the over to +come.' + +'Bad job for the batsman,' said Marriott. + +There had been time for a run before the ball reached Pringle, so that +the novelist was now at the batting end. Marriott's next ball was not +unlike his first, but it was straighter, and consequently easier to get +at. The novelist hit it into the road. When it had been brought back he +hit it into the road again. Marriott suggested that he had better have +a man there. + +The fourth ball of the over was too wide to hit with any comfort, and +the batsman let it alone. The fifth went for four to square leg, almost +killing the umpire on its way, and the sixth soared in the old familiar +manner into the road again. Marriott's over had yielded exactly +twenty-two runs. Four to win and two wickets to fall. + +'I'll never read another of that man's books as long as I live,' said +Marriott to Gosling, giving him the ball. 'You're our only hope, Sammy. +Do go in and win.' + +The new batsman had the bowling. He snicked his first ball for a +single, bringing the novelist to the fore again, and Samuel Wilberforce +Gosling vowed a vow that he would dismiss that distinguished novelist. + +But the best intentions go for nothing when one's arm is feeling like +lead. Of all the miserable balls sent down that afternoon that one of +Gosling's was the worst. It was worse than anything of Marriott's. It +flew sluggishly down the pitch well outside the leg stump. The novelist +watched it come, and his eye gleamed. It was about to bounce for the +second time when, with a pleased smile, the batsman stepped out. There +was a loud, musical report, the note of a bat when it strikes the ball +fairly on the driving spot. + +The man of letters shaded his eyes with his hand, and watched the ball +diminish in the distance. + +'I rather think,' said he cheerfully, as a crash of glass told of its +arrival at the Pavilion, 'that that does it.' + +He was perfectly right. It did. + + + + +[9] + +THE BISHOP FINISHES HIS RIDE + + +Gethryn had started on his ride handicapped by two things. He did not +know his way after the first two miles, and the hedges at the roadside +had just been clipped, leaving the roads covered with small thorns. + +It was the former of these circumstances that first made itself +apparent. For two miles the road ran straight, but after that it was +unexplored country. The Bishop, being in both cricket and football +teams, had few opportunities for cycling. He always brought his machine +to School, but he very seldom used it. + +At the beginning of the unexplored country, an irresponsible person +recommended him to go straight on. He couldn't miss the road, said he. +It was straight all the way. Gethryn thanked him, rode on, and having +gone a mile came upon three roads, each of which might quite well have +been considered a continuation of the road on which he was already. One +curved gently off to the right, the other two equally gently to the +left. He dismounted and the feelings of gratitude which he had borne +towards his informant for his lucid directions vanished suddenly. He +gazed searchingly at the three roads, but to single out one of them as +straighter than the other two was a task that baffled him completely. A +sign-post informed him of three things. By following road one he might +get to Brindleham, and ultimately, if he persevered, to Corden. Road +number two would lead him to Old Inns, whatever they might be, with the +further inducement of Little Benbury, while if he cast in his lot with +road three he might hope sooner or later to arrive at Much +Middlefold-on-the-Hill, and Lesser Middlefold-in-the-Vale. But on the +subject of Anfield and Anfield Junction the board was silent. + +Two courses lay open to him. Should he select a route at random, or +wait for somebody to come and direct him? He waited. He went on +waiting. He waited a considerable time, and at last, just as he was +about to trust to luck, and make for Much Middlefold-on-the-Hill, a +figure loomed in sight, a slow-moving man, who strolled down the Old +Inns road at a pace which seemed to argue that he had plenty of time on +his hands. + +'I say, can you tell me the way to Anfield, please?' said the Bishop as +he came up. + +The man stopped, apparently rooted to the spot. He surveyed the Bishop +with a glassy but determined stare from head to foot. Then he looked +earnestly at the bicycle, and finally, in perfect silence, began to +inspect the Bishop again. + +'Eh?' he said at length. + +'Can you tell me the way to Anfield?' + +'Anfield?' + +'Yes. How do I get there?' + +The man perpended, and when he replied did so after the style of the +late and great Ollendorf. + +'Old Inns,' he said dreamily, waving a hand down the road by which he +had come, 'be over there.' + +'Yes, yes, I know,' said Gethryn. + +'Was born at Old Inns, I was,' continued the man, warming to his +subject. 'Lived there fifty-five years, I have. Yeou go straight down +the road an' yeou cam t' Old Inns. Yes, that be the way t' Old Inns.' + +Gethryn nobly refrained from rending the speaker limb from limb. + +'I don't want to know the way to Old Inns,' he said desperately. 'Where +I want to get is Anfield. Anfield, you know. Which way do I go?' + +'Anfield?' said the man. Then a brilliant flash of intelligence +illumined his countenance. 'Whoy, Anfield be same road as Old Inns. +Yeou go straight down the road, an'--' + +'Thanks very much,' said Gethryn, and without waiting for further +revelations shot off in the direction indicated. A quarter of a mile +farther he looked over his shoulder. The man was still there, gazing +after him in a kind of trance. + +The Bishop passed through Old Inns with some way on his machine. He had +much lost time to make up. A signpost bearing the legend 'Anfield four +miles' told him that he was nearing his destination. The notice had +changed to three miles and again to two, when suddenly he felt that +jarring sensation which every cyclist knows. His back tyre was +punctured. It was impossible to ride on. He got off and walked. He was +still in his cricket clothes, and the fact that he had on spiked boots +did not make walking any the easier. His progress was not rapid. + +Half an hour before his one wish had been to catch sight of a +fellow-being. Now, when he would have preferred to have avoided his +species, men seemed to spring up from nowhere, and every man of them +had a remark to make or a question to ask about the punctured tyre. +Reserve is not the leading characteristic of the average yokel. + +Gethryn, however, refused to be drawn into conversation on the subject. +At last one, more determined than the rest, brought him to bay. + +'Hoy, mister, stop,' called a voice. Gethryn turned. A man was running +up the road towards him. + +He arrived panting. + +'What's up?' said the Bishop. + +'You've got a puncture,' said the man, pointing an accusing finger at +the flattened tyre. + +It was not worth while killing the brute. Probably he was acting from +the best motives. + +'No,' said Gethryn wearily, 'it isn't a puncture. I always let the air +out when I'm riding. It looks so much better, don't you think so? Why +did they let you out? Good-bye.' + +And feeling a little more comfortable after this outburst, he wheeled +his bicycle on into Anfield High Street. + +Minds in the village of Anfield worked with extraordinary rapidity. The +first person of whom he asked the way to the Junction answered the +riddle almost without thinking. He left his machine out in the road and +went on to the platform. The first thing that caught his eye was the +station clock with its hands pointing to five past four. And when he +realized that, his uncle's train having left a clear half hour before, +his labours had all been for nothing, the full bitterness of life came +home to him. + +He was turning away from the station when he stopped. Something else +had caught his eye. On a bench at the extreme end of the platform sat a +youth. And a further scrutiny convinced the Bishop of the fact that the +youth was none other than Master Reginald Farnie, late of Beckford, and +shortly, or he would know the reason why, to be once more of Beckford. +Other people besides himself, it appeared, could miss trains. + +Farnie was reading one of those halfpenny weeklies which--with a nerve +which is the only creditable thing about them--call themselves comic. +He did not see the Bishop until a shadow falling across his paper +caused him to look up. + +It was not often that he found himself unequal to a situation. Monk in +a recent conversation had taken him aback somewhat, but his feelings on +that occasion were not to be compared with what he felt on seeing the +one person whom he least desired to meet standing at his side. His jaw +dropped limply, _Comic Blitherings_ fluttered to the ground. + +The Bishop was the first to speak. Indeed, if he had waited for Farnie +to break the silence, he would have waited long. + +'Get up,' he said. Farnie got up. + +'Come on.' Farnie came. + +'Go and get your machine,' said Gethryn. 'Hurry up. And now you will +jolly well come back to Beckford, you little beast.' + +But before that could be done there was Gethryn's back wheel to be +mended. This took time. It was nearly half past four before they +started. + +'Oh,' said Gethryn, as they were about to mount, 'there's that money. I +was forgetting. Out with it.' + +Ten pounds had been the sum Farnie had taken from the study. Six was +all he was able to restore. Gethryn enquired after the deficit. + +'I gave it to Monk,' said Farnie. + +To Gethryn, in his present frame of mind, the mere mention of Monk was +sufficient to uncork the vials of his wrath. + +'What the blazes did you do that for? What's Monk got to do with it?' + +'He said he'd get me sacked if I didn't pay him,' whined Farnie. + +This was not strictly true. Monk had not said. He had hinted. And he +had hinted at flogging, not expulsion. + +'Why?' pursued the Bishop. 'What had you and Monk been up to?' + +Farnie, using his out-of-bounds adventures as a foundation, worked up a +highly artistic narrative of doings, which, if they had actually been +performed, would certainly have entailed expulsion. He had judged +Gethryn's character correctly. If the matter had been simply a case for +a flogging, the Bishop would have stood aside and let the thing go on. +Against the extreme penalty of School law he felt bound as a matter of +family duty to shield his relative. And he saw a bad time coming for +himself in the very near future. Either he must expose Farnie, which he +had resolved not to do, or he must refuse to explain his absence from +the M.C.C. match, for by now there was not the smallest chance of his +being able to get back in time for the visitors' innings. As he rode on +he tried to imagine what would happen in consequence of that desertion, +and he could not do it. His crime was, so far as he knew, absolutely +without precedent in the School history. + +As they passed the cricket field he saw that it was empty. Stumps were +usually drawn early in the M.C.C. match if the issue of the game was +out of doubt, as the Marylebone men had trains to catch. Evidently this +had happened today. It might mean that the School had won easily--they +had looked like making a big score when he had left the ground--in +which case public opinion would be more lenient towards him. After a +victory a school feels that all's well that ends well. But it might, on +the other hand, mean quite the reverse. + +He put his machine up, and hurried to the study. Several boys, as he +passed them, looked curiously at him, but none spoke to him. + +Marriott was in the study, reading a book. He was still in flannels, +and looked as if he had begun to change but had thought better of it. +As was actually the case. + +'Hullo,' he cried, as Gethryn appeared. 'Where the dickens have you +been all the afternoon? What on earth did you go off like that for?' + +'I'm sorry, old chap,' said the Bishop, 'I can't tell you. I shan't be +able to tell anyone.' + +'But, man! Try and realize what you've done. Do you grasp the fact that +you've gone and got the School licked in the M.C.C. match, and that we +haven't beaten the M.C.C. for about a dozen years, and that if you'd +been there to bowl we should have walked over this time? Do try and +grasp the thing.' + +'Did they win?' + +'Rather. By a wicket. Two wickets, I mean. We made 213. Your bowling +would just have done it.' + +Gethryn sat down. + +'Oh Lord,' he said blankly, 'this is awful!' + +'But, look here, Bishop,' continued Marriott, 'this is all rot. You +can't do a thing like this, and then refuse to offer any explanation, +and expect things to go on just as usual.' + +'I don't,' said Gethryn. 'I know there's going to be a row, but I can't +explain. You'll have to take me on trust.' + +'Oh, as far as I am concerned, it's all right,' said Marriott. 'I know +you wouldn't be ass enough to do a thing like that without a jolly good +reason. It's the other chaps I'm thinking about. You'll find it jolly +hard to put Norris off, I'm afraid. He's most awfully sick about the +match. He fielded badly, which always makes him shirty. Jephson, too. +You'll have a bad time with Jephson. His one wish after the match was +to have your gore and plenty of it. Nothing else would have pleased him +a bit. And think of the chaps in the House, too. Just consider what a +pull this gives Monk and his mob over you. The House'll want some +looking after now, I fancy.' + +'And they'll get it,' said Gethryn. 'If Monk gives me any of his +beastly cheek, I'll knock his head off.' + +But in spite of the consolation which such a prospect afforded him, he +did not look forward with pleasure to the next day, when he would have +to meet Norris and the rest. It would have been bad in any case. He did +not care to think what would happen when he refused to offer the +slightest explanation. + + + + +[10] + +IN WHICH A CASE IS FULLY DISCUSSED + + +Gethryn was right in thinking that the interviews would be unpleasant. +They increased in unpleasantness in arithmetical progression, until +they culminated finally in a terrific encounter with the justly +outraged Norris. + +Reece was the first person to institute inquiries, and if everybody had +resembled him, matters would not have been so bad for Gethryn. Reece +possessed a perfect genius for minding his own business. The dialogue +when they met was brief. + +'Hullo,' said Reece. + +'Hullo,' said the Bishop. + +'Where did you get to yesterday?' said Reece. + +'Oh, I had to go somewhere,' said the Bishop vaguely. + +'Oh? Pity. Wasn't a bad match.' And that was all the comment Reece made +on the situation. + +Gethryn went over to the chapel that morning with an empty sinking +feeling inside him. He was quite determined to offer no single word of +explanation, and he felt that that made the prospect all the worse. +There was a vast uncertainty in his mind as to what was going to +happen. Nobody could actually do anything to him, of course. It would +have been a decided relief to him if anybody had tried that line of +action, for moments occur when the only thing that can adequately +soothe the wounded spirit, is to hit straight from the shoulder at +someone. The punching-ball is often found useful under these +circumstances. As he was passing Jephson's House he nearly ran into +somebody who was coming out. + +'Be firm, my moral pecker,' thought Gethryn, and braced himself up for +conflict. + +'Well, Gethryn?' said Mr Jephson. + +The question 'Well?' especially when addressed by a master to a boy, is +one of the few questions to which there is literally no answer. You can +look sheepish, you can look defiant, or you can look surprised +according to the state of your conscience. But anything in the way of +verbal response is impossible. + +Gethryn attempted no verbal response. + +'Well, Gethryn,' went on Mr Jephson, 'was it pleasant up the river +yesterday?' + +Mr Jephson always preferred the rapier of sarcasm to the bludgeon of +abuse. + +'Yes, sir,' said Gethryn, 'very pleasant.' He did not mean to be +massacred without a struggle. + +'What!' cried Mr Jephson. 'You actually mean to say that you did go up +the river?' + +'No, sir.' + +'Then what do you mean?' + +'It is always pleasant up the river on a fine day,' said Gethryn. + +His opponent, to use a metaphor suitable to a cricket master, changed +his action. He abandoned sarcasm and condescended to direct inquiry. + +'Where were you yesterday afternoon?' he said. + +The Bishop, like Mr Hurry Bungsho Jabberjee, B.A., became at once the +silent tomb. + +'Did you hear what I said, Gethryn?' (icily). 'Where were you yesterday +afternoon?' + +'I can't say, sir.' + +These words may convey two meanings. They may imply ignorance, in which +case the speaker should be led gently off to the nearest asylum. Or +they may imply obstinacy. Mr Jephson decided that in the present case +obstinacy lay at the root of the matter. He became icier than ever. + +'Very well, Gethryn,' he said, 'I shall report this to the Headmaster.' + +And Gethryn, feeling that the conference was at an end, proceeded on +his way. + +After chapel there was Norris to be handled. Norris had been rather +late for chapel that morning, and had no opportunity of speaking to the +Bishop. But after the service was over, and the School streamed out of +the building towards their respective houses, he waylaid him at the +door, and demanded an explanation. The Bishop refused to give one. +Norris, whose temper never had a chance of reaching its accustomed +tranquillity until he had consumed some breakfast--he hated early +morning chapel--raved. The Bishop was worried, but firm. + +'Then you mean to say--you don't mean to say--I mean, you don't intend +to explain?' said Norris finally, working round for the twentieth time +to his original text. + +'I can't explain.' + +'You won't, you mean.' + +'Yes. I'll apologize if you like, but I won't explain.' + +Norris felt the strain was becoming too much for him. + +'Apologize!' he moaned, addressing circumambient space. 'Apologize! A +man cuts off in the middle of the M.C.C. match, loses us the game, and +then comes back and offers to apologize.' + +'The offer's withdrawn,' put in Gethryn. 'Apologies and explanations +are both off.' It was hopeless to try and be conciliatory under the +circumstances. They did not admit of it. + +Norris glared. + +'I suppose,' he said, 'you don't expect to go on playing for the First +after this? We can't keep a place open for you in the team on the off +chance of your not having a previous engagement, you know.' + +'That's your affair,' said the Bishop, 'you're captain. Have you +finished your address? Is there anything else you'd like to say?' + +Norris considered, and, as he went in at Jephson's gate, wound up with +this Parthian shaft-- + +'All I can say is that you're not fit to be at a public school. They +ought to sack a chap for doing that sort of thing. If you'll take my +advice, you'll leave.' + +About two hours afterwards Gethryn discovered a suitable retort, but, +coming to the conclusion that better late than never does not apply to +repartees, refrained from speaking it. + +It was Mr Jephson's usual custom to sally out after supper on Sunday +evenings to smoke a pipe (or several pipes) with one of the other +House-masters. On this particular evening he made for Robertson's, +which was one of the four Houses on the opposite side of the School +grounds. He could hardly have selected a better man to take his +grievance to. Mr Robertson was a long, silent man with grizzled hair, +and an eye that pierced like a gimlet. He had the enviable reputation +of keeping the best order of any master in the School. He was also one +of the most popular of the staff. This was all the more remarkable from +the fact that he played no games. + +To him came Mr Jephson, primed to bursting point with his grievance. + +'Anything wrong, Jephson?' said Mr Robertson. + +'Wrong? I should just think there was. Did you happen to be looking at +the match yesterday, Robertson?' + +Mr Robertson nodded. + +'I always watch School matches. Good match. Norris missed a bad catch +in the slips. He was asleep.' + +Mr Jephson conceded the point. It was trivial. + +'Yes,' he said, 'he should certainly have held it. But that's a mere +detail. I want to talk about Gethryn. Do you know what he did +yesterday? I never heard of such a thing in my life, never. Went off +during the luncheon interval without a word, and never appeared again +till lock-up. And now he refuses to offer any explanation whatever. I +shall report the whole thing to Beckett. I told Gethryn so this +morning.' + +'I shouldn't,' said Mr Robertson; 'I really think I shouldn't. Beckett +finds the ordinary duties of a Headmaster quite sufficient for his +needs. This business is not in his province at all.' + +'Not in his province? My dear sir, what is a headmaster for, if not to +manage affairs of this sort?' + +Mr Robertson smiled in a sphinx-like manner, and answered, after the +fashion of Socrates, with a question. + +'Let me ask you two things, Jephson. You must proceed gingerly. Now, +firstly, it is a headmaster's business to punish any breach of school +rules, is it not?' + +'Well?' + +'And school prefects do not attend roll-call, and have no restrictions +placed upon them in the matter of bounds?' + +'No. Well?' + +'Then perhaps you'll tell me what School rule Gethryn has broken?' said +Mr Robertson. + +'You see you can't,' he went on. 'Of course you can't. He has not +broken any School rule. He is a prefect, and may do anything he likes +with his spare time. He chooses to play cricket. Then he changes his +mind and goes off to some unknown locality for some reason at present +unexplained. It is all perfectly legal. Extremely quaint behaviour on +his part, I admit, but thoroughly legal.' + +'Then nothing can be done,' exclaimed Mr Jephson blankly. 'But it's +absurd. Something must be done. The thing can't be left as it is. It's +preposterous!' + +'I should imagine,' said Mr Robertson, 'from what small knowledge I +possess of the Human Boy, that matters will be made decidedly +unpleasant for the criminal.' + +'Well, I know one thing; he won't play for the team again.' + +'There is something very refreshing about your logic, Jephson. Because +a boy does not play in one match, you will not let him play in any of +the others, though you admit his absence weakens the team. However, I +suppose that is unavoidable. Mind you, I think it is a pity. Of course +Gethryn has some explanation, if he would only favour us with it. +Personally I think rather highly of Gethryn. So does poor old +Leicester. He is the only Head-prefect Leicester has had for the last +half-dozen years who knows even the rudiments of his business. But it's +no use my preaching his virtues to you. You wouldn't listen. Take +another cigar, and let's talk about the weather.' + +Mr Jephson took the proffered weed, and the conversation, though it did +not turn upon the suggested topic, ceased to have anything to do with +Gethryn. + +The general opinion of the School was dead against the Bishop. One or +two of his friends still clung to a hope that explanations might come +out, while there were also a few who always made a point of thinking +differently from everybody else. Of this class was Pringle. On the +Monday after the match he spent the best part of an hour of his +valuable time reasoning on the subject with Lorimer. Lorimer's vote +went with the majority. Although he had fielded for the Bishop, he was +not, of course, being merely a substitute, allowed to bowl, as the +Bishop had had his innings, and it had been particularly galling to him +to feel that he might have saved the match, if it had only been +possible for him to have played a larger part. + +'It's no good jawing about it,' he said, 'there isn't a word to say for +the man. He hasn't a leg to stand on. Why, it would be bad enough in a +House or form match even, but when it comes to first matches--!' Here +words failed Lorimer. + +'Not at all,' said Pringle, unmoved. 'There are heaps of reasons, jolly +good reasons, why he might have gone away.' + +'Such as?' said Lorimer. + +'Well, he might have been called away by a telegram, for instance.' + +'What rot! Why should he make such a mystery of it if that was all?' + +'He'd have explained all right if somebody had asked him properly. You +get a chap like Norris, who, when he loses his hair, has got just about +as much tact as a rhinoceros, going and ballyragging the man, and no +wonder he won't say anything. I shouldn't myself.' + +'Well, go and talk to him decently, then. Let's see you do it, and I'll +bet it won't make a bit of difference. What the chap has done is to go +and get himself mixed up in some shady business somewhere. That's the +only thing it can be.' + +'Rot,' said Pringle, 'the Bishop isn't that sort of chap.' + +'You can't tell. I say,' he broke off suddenly, 'have you done that +poem yet?' + +Pringle started. He had not so much as begun that promised epic. + +'I--er--haven't quite finished it yet. I'm thinking it out, you know. +Getting a sort of general grip of the thing.' + +'Oh. Well, I wish you'd buck up with it. It's got to go in tomorrow +week.' + +'Tomorrow week. Tuesday the what? Twenty-second, isn't it? Right. I'll +remember. Two days after the O.B.s' match. That'll fix it in my mind. +By the way, your people are going to come down all right, aren't they? +I mean, we shall have to be getting in supplies and so on.' + +'Yes. They'll be coming. There's plenty of time, though, to think of +that. What you've got to do for the present is to keep your mind glued +on the death of Dido.' + +'Rather,' said Pringle, 'I won't forget.' + +This was at six twenty-two p.m. By the time six-thirty boomed from the +College clock-tower, Pringle was absorbing a thrilling work of fiction, +and Dido, her death, and everything connected with her, had faded from +his mind like a beautiful dream. + + + + +[11] + +POETRY AND STUMP-CRICKET + + +The Old Beckfordians' match came off in due season, and Pringle enjoyed +it thoroughly. Though he only contributed a dozen in the first innings, +he made up for this afterwards in the second, when the School had a +hundred and twenty to get in just two hours. He went in first with +Marriott, and they pulled the thing off and gave the School a ten +wickets victory with eight minutes to spare. Pringle was in rare form. +He made fifty-three, mainly off the bowling of a certain J.R. Smith, +whose fag he had been in the old days. When at School, Smith had always +been singularly aggressive towards Pringle, and the latter found that +much pleasure was to be derived from hitting fours off his bowling. +Subsequently he ate more strawberries and cream than were, strictly +speaking, good for him, and did the honours at the study tea-party with +the grace of a born host. And, as he had hoped, Miss Mabel Lorimer +_did_ ask what that silver-plate was stuck on to that bat for. + +It is not to be wondered at that in the midst of these festivities such +trivialities as Lorimer's poem found no place in his thoughts. It was +not until the following day that he was reminded of it. + +That Sunday was a visiting Sunday. Visiting Sundays occurred three +times a term, when everybody who had friends and relations in the +neighbourhood was allowed to spend the day with them. Pringle on such +occasions used to ride over to Biddlehampton, the scene of Farnie's +adventures, on somebody else's bicycle, his destination being the +residence of a certain Colonel Ashby, no relation, but a great friend +of his father's. + +The gallant Colonel had, besides his other merits--which were +numerous--the pleasant characteristic of leaving his guests to +themselves. To be left to oneself under some circumstances is apt to be +a drawback, but in this case there was never any lack of amusements. +The only objection that Pringle ever found was that there was too much +to do in the time. There was shooting, riding, fishing, and also +stump-cricket. Given proper conditions, no game in existence yields to +stump-cricket in the matter of excitement. A stable-yard makes the best +pitch, for the walls stop all hits and you score solely by boundaries, +one for every hit, two if it goes past the coach-room door, four to the +end wall, and out if you send it over. It is perfect. + +There were two junior Ashbys, twins, aged sixteen. They went to school +at Charchester, returning to the ancestral home for the weekend. +Sometimes when Pringle came they would bring a school friend, in which +case Pringle and he would play the twins. But as a rule the programme +consisted of a series of five test matches, Charchester _versus_ +Beckford; and as Pringle was almost exactly twice as good as each of +the twins taken individually, when they combined it made the sides very +even, and the test matches were fought out with the most deadly +keenness. + +After lunch the Colonel was in the habit of taking Pringle for a stroll +in the grounds, to watch him smoke a cigar or two. On this Sunday the +conversation during the walk, after beginning, as was right and proper, +with cricket, turned to work. + +'Let me see,' said the Colonel, as Pringle finished the description of +how point had almost got to the square cut which had given him his +century against Charchester, 'you're out of the Upper Fifth now, aren't +you? I always used to think you were going to be a fixture there. You +are like your father in that way. I remember him at Rugby spending +years on end in the same form. Couldn't get out of it. But you did get +your remove, if I remember?' + +'Rather,' said Pringle, 'years ago. That's to say, last term. And I'm +jolly glad I did, too.' + +His errant memory had returned to the poetry prize once more. + +'Oh,' said the Colonel, 'why is that?' + +Pringle explained the peculiar disadvantages that attended membership +of the Upper Fifth during the summer term. + +'I don't think a man ought to be allowed to spend his money in these +special prizes,' he concluded; 'at any rate they ought to be Sixth Form +affairs. It's hard enough having to do the ordinary work and keep up +your cricket at the same time.' + +'They are compulsory then?' + +'Yes. Swindle, I call it. The chap who shares my study at Beckford is +in the Upper Fifth, and his hair's turning white under the strain. The +worst of it is, too, that I've promised to help him, and I never seem +to have any time to give to the thing. I could turn out a great poem if +I had an hour or two to spare now and then.' + +'What's the subject?' + +'Death of Dido this year. They are always jolly keen on deaths. Last +year it was Cato, and the year before Julius Caesar. They seem to have +very morbid minds. I think they might try something cheerful for a +change.' + +'Dido,' said the Colonel dreamily. 'Death of Dido. Where have I heard +either a story or a poem or a riddle or something in some way connected +with the death of Dido? It was years ago, but I distinctly remember +having heard somebody mention the occurrence. Oh, well, it will come +back presently, I dare say.' + +It did come back presently. The story was this. A friend of Colonel +Ashby's--the one-time colonel of his regiment, to be exact--was an +earnest student of everything in the literature of the country that +dealt with Sport. This gentleman happened to read in a publisher's list +one day that a limited edition of _The Dark Horse_, by a Mr Arthur +James, was on sale, and might be purchased from the publisher by all +who were willing to spend half a guinea to that end. + +'Well, old Matthews,' said the Colonel, 'sent off for this book. +Thought it must be a sporting novel, don't you know. I shall never +forget his disappointment when he opened the parcel. It turned out to +be a collection of poems. _The Dark Horse, and Other Studies in the +Tragic_, was its full title.' + +'Matthews never had a soul for poetry, good or bad. _The Dark +Horse_ itself was about a knight in the Middle Ages, you know. Great +nonsense it was, too. Matthews used to read me passages from time to +time. When he gave up the regiment he left me the book as a farewell +gift. He said I was the only man he knew who really sympathized with +him in the affair. I've got it still. It's in the library somewhere, if +you care to look at it. What recalled it to my mind was your mention of +Dido. The second poem was about the death of Dido, as far as I can +remember. I'm no judge of poetry, but it didn't strike me as being very +good. At the same time, you might pick up a hint or two from it. It +ought to be in one of the two lower shelves on the right of the door as +you go in. Unless it has been taken away. That is not likely, though. +We are not very enthusiastic poetry readers here.' + +Pringle thanked him for his information, and went back to the +stable-yard, where he lost the fourth test match by sixteen runs, owing +to preoccupation. You can't play a yorker on the leg-stump with a thin +walking-stick if your mind is occupied elsewhere. And the leg-stump +yorkers of James, the elder (by a minute) of the two Ashbys, were +achieving a growing reputation in Charchester cricket circles. + +One ought never, thought Pringle, to despise the gifts which Fortune +bestows on us. And this mention of an actual completed poem on the very +subject which was in his mind was clearly a gift of Fortune. How much +better it would be to read thoughtfully through this poem, and quarry +out a set of verses from it suitable to Lorimer's needs, than to waste +his brain-tissues in trying to evolve something original from his own +inner consciousness. Pringle objected strongly to any unnecessary waste +of his brain-tissues. Besides, the best poets borrowed. Virgil did it. +Tennyson did it. Even Homer--we have it on the authority of Mr +Kipling--when he smote his blooming lyre went and stole what he thought +he might require. Why should Pringle of the School House refuse to +follow in such illustrious footsteps? + +It was at this point that the guileful James delivered his insidious +yorker, and the dull thud of the tennis ball on the board which served +as the wicket told a listening world that Charchester had won the +fourth test match, and that the scores were now two all. + +But Beckford's star was to ascend again. Pringle's mind was made up. He +would read the printed poem that very night, and before retiring to +rest he would have Lorimer's verses complete and ready to be sent in +for judgement to the examiner. But for the present he would dismiss the +matter from his mind, and devote himself to polishing off the +Charchester champions in the fifth and final test match. And in this he +was successful, for just as the bell rang, summoning the players in to +a well-earned tea, a sweet forward drive from his walking-stick crashed +against the end wall, and Beckford had won the rubber. + +'As the young batsman, undefeated to the last, reached the pavilion,' +said Pringle, getting into his coat, 'a prolonged and deafening salvo +of cheers greeted him. His twenty-three not out, compiled as it was +against the finest bowling Charchester could produce, and on a wicket +that was always treacherous (there's a brick loose at the top end), was +an effort unique in its heroism.' + +'Oh, _come_ on,' said the defeated team. + +'If you have fluked a win,' said James, 'it's nothing much. Wait till +next visiting Sunday.' + +And the teams went in to tea. + +In the programme which Pringle had mapped out for himself, he was to go +to bed with his book at the highly respectable hour of ten, work till +eleven, and then go to sleep. But programmes are notoriously subject to +alterations. Pringle's was altered owing to a remark made immediately +after dinner by John Ashby, who, desirous of retrieving the fallen +fortunes of Charchester, offered to play Pringle a hundred up at +billiards, giving him thirty. Now Pringle's ability in the realm of +sport did not extend to billiards. But the human being who can hear +unmoved a fellow human being offering him thirty start in a game of a +hundred has yet to be born. He accepted the challenge, and permission +to play having been granted by the powers that were, on the +understanding that the cloth was not to be cut and as few cues broken +as possible, the game began, James acting as marker. + +There are doubtless ways by which a game of a hundred up can be got +through in less than two hours, but with Pringle and his opponent +desire outran performance. When the highest break on either side is +six, and the average break two, matters progress with more stateliness +than speed. At last, when the hands of the clock both pointed to the +figure eleven, Pringle, whose score had been at ninety-eight since +half-past ten, found himself within two inches of his opponent's ball, +which was tottering on the very edge of the pocket. He administered the +_coup de grace_ with the air of a John Roberts, and retired +triumphant; while the Charchester representatives pointed out that as +their score was at seventy-four, they had really won a moral victory by +four points. To which specious and unsportsmanlike piece of sophistry +Pringle turned a deaf ear. + +It was now too late for any serious literary efforts. No bard can do +without his sleep. Even Homer used to nod at times. So Pringle +contented himself with reading through the poem, which consisted of +some thirty lines, and copying the same down on a sheet of notepaper +for future reference. After which he went to bed. + +In order to arrive at Beckford in time for morning school, he had to +start from the house at eight o'clock punctually. This left little time +for poetical lights. The consequence was that when Lorimer, on the +following afternoon, demanded the poem as per contract, all that +Pringle had to show was the copy which he had made of the poem in the +book. There was a moment's suspense while Conscience and Sheer +Wickedness fought the matter out inside him, and then Conscience, which +had started on the encounter without enthusiasm, being obviously flabby +and out of condition, threw up the sponge. + +'Here you are,' said Pringle, 'it's only a rough copy, but here it +_is_.' + +Lorimer perused it hastily. + +'But, I say,' he observed in surprised and awestruck tones, 'this is +rather good.' + +It seemed to strike him as quite a novel idea. 'Yes, not bad, is it?' + +'But it'll get the prize.' + +'Oh, we shall have to prevent that somehow.' + +He did not mention how, and Lorimer did not ask. + +'Well, anyhow,' said Lorimer, 'thanks awfully. I hope you've not fagged +about it too much.' + +'Oh no,' said Pringle airily, 'rather not. It's been no trouble at +all.' + +He thus, it will be noticed, concluded a painful and immoral scene by +speaking perfect truth. A most gratifying reflection. + + + + +[12] + +'WE, THE UNDERSIGNED--' + + +Norris kept his word with regard to the Bishop's exclusion from the +Eleven. The team which had beaten the O.B.s had not had the benefit of +his assistance, Lorimer appearing in his stead. Lorimer was a fast +right-hand bowler, deadly in House matches or on a very bad wicket. He +was the mainstay of the Second Eleven attack, and in an ordinary year +would have been certain of his First Eleven cap. This season, however, +with Gosling, Baynes, and the Bishop, the School had been unusually +strong, and Lorimer had had to wait. + +The non-appearance of his name on the notice-board came as no surprise +to Gethryn. He had had the advantage of listening to Norris's views on +the subject. But when Marriott grasped the facts of the case, he went +to Norris and raved. Norris, as is right and proper in the captain of a +School team when the wisdom of his actions is called into question, +treated him with no respect whatever. + +'It's no good talking,' he said, when Marriott had finished a brisk +opening speech, 'I know perfectly well what I'm doing.' + +'Then there's no excuse for you at all,' said Marriott. 'If you were +mad or delirious I could understand it.' + +'Come and have an ice,' said Norris. + +'Ice!' snorted Marriott. 'What's the good of standing there babbling +about ices! Do you know we haven't beaten the O.B.s for four years?' + +'We shall beat them this year.' + +'Not without Gethryn.' + +'We certainly shan't beat them with Gethryn, because he's not going to +play. A chap who chooses the day of the M.C.C. match to go off for the +afternoon, and then refuses to explain, can consider himself jolly well +chucked until further notice. Feel ready for that ice yet?' + +'Don't be an ass.' + +'Well, if ever you do get any ice, take my tip and tie it carefully +round your head in a handkerchief. Then perhaps you'll be able to see +why Gethryn isn't playing against the O.B.s on Saturday.' + +And Marriott went off raging, and did not recover until late in the +afternoon, when he made eighty-three in an hour for Leicester's House +in a scratch game. + +There were only three of the eleven Houses whose occupants seriously +expected to see the House cricket cup on the mantelpiece of their +dining-room at the end of the season. These were the School House, +Jephson's, and Leicester's. In view of Pringle's sensational feats +throughout the term, the knowing ones thought that the cup would go to +the School House, with Leicester's runners-up. The various members of +the First Eleven were pretty evenly distributed throughout the three +Houses. Leicester's had Gethryn, Reece, and Marriott. Jephson's relied +on Norris, Bruce, and Baker. The School House trump card was Pringle, +with Lorimer and Baynes to do the bowling, and Hill of the First Eleven +and Kynaston and Langdale of the second to back him up in the batting +department. Both the other First Eleven men were day boys. + +The presence of Gosling in any of the House elevens, however weak on +paper, would have lent additional interest to the fight for the cup; +for in House matches, where every team has more or less of a tail, one +really good fast bowler can make a surprising amount of difference to a +side. + +There was a great deal of interest in the School about the House cup. +The keenest of all games at big schools are generally the House +matches. When Beckford met Charchester or any of the four schools which +it played at cricket and football, keenness reached its highest pitch. +But next to these came the House matches. + +Now that he no longer played for the Eleven, the Bishop was able to +give his whole mind to training the House team in the way it should go. +Exclusion from the First Eleven meant also that he could no longer, +unless possessed of an amount of _sang-froid_ so colossal as +almost to amount to genius, put in an appearance at the First Eleven +net. Under these circumstances Leicester's net summoned him. Like Mr +Phil May's lady when she was ejected (with perfect justice) by a +barman, he went somewhere where he would be respected. To the House, +then, he devoted himself, and scratch games and before-breakfast +field-outs became the order of the day. + +House fielding before breakfast is one of the things which cannot be +classed under the head of the Lighter Side of Cricket. You get up in +the small hours, dragged from a comfortable bed by some sportsman who, +you feel, carries enthusiasm to a point where it ceases to be a virtue +and becomes a nuisance. You get into flannels, and, still half asleep, +stagger off to the field, where a hired ruffian hits you up catches +which bite like serpents and sting like adders. From time to time he +adds insult to injury by shouting 'get to 'em!', 'get to 'em!'--a +remark which finds but one parallel in the language, the 'keep moving' +of the football captain. Altogether there are many more pleasant +occupations than early morning field-outs, and it requires a +considerable amount of keenness to carry the victim through them +without hopelessly souring his nature and causing him to foster +uncharitable thoughts towards his House captain. + +J. Monk of Leicester's found this increased activity decidedly +uncongenial. He had no real patriotism in him. He played cricket well, +but he played entirely for himself. + +If, for instance, he happened to make fifty in a match--and it happened +fairly frequently--he vastly preferred that the rest of the side should +make ten between them than that there should be any more half-centuries +on the score sheet, even at the expense of losing the match. It was not +likely, therefore, that he would take kindly to this mortification of +the flesh, the sole object of which was to make everybody as +conspicuous as everybody else. Besides, in the matter of fielding he +considered that he had nothing to learn, which, as Euclid would say, +was absurd. Fielding is one of the things which is never perfect. + +Monk, moreover, had another reason for disliking the field-outs. +Gethryn, as captain of the House team, was naturally master of the +ceremonies, and Monk objected to Gethryn. For this dislike he had solid +reasons. About a fortnight after the commencement of term, the Bishop, +going downstairs from his study one afternoon, was aware of what +appeared to be a species of free fight going on in the doorway of the +senior day-room. The senior day-room was where the rowdy element of the +House collected, the individuals who were too old to be fags, and too +low down in the School to own studies. + +Under ordinary circumstances the Bishop would probably have passed on +without investigating the matter. A head of a house hates above all +things to get a name for not minding his own business in unimportant +matters. Such a reputation tells against him when he has to put his +foot down over big things. To have invaded the senior day-room and +stopped a conventional senior day-room 'rag' would have been +interfering with the most cherished rights of the citizens, the freedom +which is the birthright of every Englishman, so to speak. + +But as he passed the door which had just shut with a bang behind the +free fighters, he heard Monk's voice inside, and immediately afterwards +the voice of Danvers, and he stopped. In the first place, he reasoned +within himself, if Monk and Danvers were doing anything, it was +probably something wrong, and ought to be stopped. Gethryn always had +the feeling that it was his duty to go and see what Monk and Danvers +were doing, and tell them they mustn't. He had a profound belief in +their irreclaimable villainy. In the second place, having studies of +their own, they had no business to be in the senior day-room at all. It +was contrary to the etiquette of the House for a study man to enter the +senior day-room, and as a rule the senior day-room resented it. As to +all appearances they were not resenting it now, the obvious conclusion +was that something was going on which ought to cease. + +The Bishop opened the door. Etiquette did not compel the head of the +House to knock, the rule being that you knocked only at the doors of +those senior to you in the House. He was consequently enabled to +witness a tableau which, if warning had been received of his coming, +would possibly have broken up before he entered. In the centre of the +group was Wilson, leaning over the study table, not so much as if he +liked so leaning as because he was held in that position by Danvers. In +the background stood Monk, armed with a walking-stick. Round the walls +were various ornaments of the senior day-room in attitudes of expectant +attention, being evidently content to play the part of 'friends and +retainers', leaving the leading parts in the hands of Monk and his +colleague. + +'Hullo,' said the Bishop, 'what's going on?' + +'It's all right, old chap,' said Monk, grinning genially, 'we're only +having an execution.' + +'What's the row?' said the Bishop. 'What's Wilson been doing?' + +'Nothing,' broke in that youth, who had wriggled free from Danvers's +clutches. 'I haven't done a thing, Gethryn. These beasts lugged me out +of the junior day-room without saying what for or anything.' + +The Bishop began to look dangerous. This had all the outward aspect of +a case of bullying. Under Reynolds's leadership Leicester's had gone in +rather extensively for bullying, and the Bishop had waited hungrily for +a chance of catching somebody actively engaged in the sport, so that he +might drop heavily on that person and make life unpleasant for him. + +'Well?' he said, turning to Monk, 'let's have it. What was it all +about, and what have you got to do with it?' + +Monk began to shuffle. + +'Oh, it was nothing much,' he said. + +'Then what are you doing with the stick?' pursued the Bishop +relentlessly. + +'Young Wilson cheeked Perkins,' said Monk. + +Murmurs of approval from the senior day-room. Perkins was one of the +ornaments referred to above. + +'How?' asked Gethryn. + +Wilson dashed into the conversation again. + +'Perkins told me to go and get him some grub from the shop. I was doing +some work, so I couldn't. Besides, I'm not his fag. If Perkins wants to +go for me, why doesn't he do it himself, and not get about a hundred +fellows to help him?' + +'Exactly,' said the Bishop. 'A very sensible suggestion. Perkins, fall +upon Wilson and slay him. I'll see fair play. Go ahead.' + +'Er--no,' said Perkins uneasily. He was a small, weedy-looking youth, +not built for fighting except by proxy, and he remembered the episode +of Wilson and Skinner. + +'Then the thing's finished,' said Gethryn. 'Wilson walks over. We +needn't detain you, Wilson.' + +Wilson departed with all the honours of war, and the Bishop turned to +Monk. + +'Now perhaps you'll tell me,' he said, 'what the deuce you and Danvers +are doing here?' + +'Well, hang it all, old chap--' + +The Bishop begged that Monk would not call him 'old chap'. + +'I'll call you "sir", if you like,' said Monk. + +A gleam of hope appeared in the Bishop's eye. Monk was going to give +him the opportunity he had long sighed for. In cold blood he could +attack no one, not even Monk, but if he was going to be rude, that +altered matters. + +'What business have you in the day-room?' he said. 'You've got studies +of your own.' + +'If it comes to that,' said Monk, 'so have you. We've got as much +business here as you. What the deuce are you doing here?' + +Taken by itself, taken neat, as it were, this repartee might have been +insufficient to act as a _casus belli_, but by a merciful +dispensation of Providence the senior day-room elected to laugh at the +remark, and to laugh loudly. Monk also laughed. Not, however, for long. +The next moment the Bishop had darted in, knocked his feet from under +him, and dragged him to the door. Captain Kettle himself could not have +done it more neatly. + +'Now,' said the Bishop, 'we can discuss the point.' + +Monk got up, looking greener than usual, and began to dust his clothes. + +'Don't talk rot,' he said, 'I can't fight a prefect.' + +This, of course, the Bishop had known all along. What he had intended +to do if Monk had kept up his end he had not decided when he embarked +upon the engagement. The head of a House cannot fight by-battles with +his inferiors without the loss of a good deal of his painfully acquired +dignity. But Gethryn knew Monk, and he had felt justified in risking +it. He improved the shining hour with an excursus on the subject of +bullying, dispensed a few general threats, and left the room. + +Monk had--perhaps not unnaturally--not forgotten the incident, and now +that public opinion ran strongly against Gethryn on account of his +M.C.C. match manoeuvres, he acted. A mass meeting of the Mob was called +in his study, and it was unanimously voted that field-outs in the +morning were undesirable, and that it would be judicious if the team +were to strike. Now, as the Mob included in their numbers eight of the +House Eleven, their opinions on the subject carried weight. + +'Look here,' said Waterford, struck with a brilliant idea, 'I tell you +what we'll do. Let's sign a round-robin refusing to play in the House +matches unless Gethryn resigns the captaincy and the field-outs stop.' + +'We may as well sign in alphabetical order,' said Monk prudently. +'It'll make it safer.' + +The idea took the Mob's fancy. The round-robin was drawn up and signed. + +'Now, if we could only get Reece,' suggested Danvers. 'It's no good +asking Marriott, but Reece might sign.' + +'Let's have a shot at any rate,' said Monk. + +And a deputation, consisting of Danvers, Waterford, and Monk, duly +waited upon Reece in his study, and broached the project to him. + + + + +[13] + +LEICESTER'S HOUSE TEAM GOES INTO A SECOND EDITION + + +Reece was working when the deputation entered. He looked up +enquiringly, but if he was pleased to see his visitors he managed to +conceal the fact. + +'Oh, I say, Reece,' began Monk, who had constituted himself spokesman +to the expedition, 'are you busy?' + +'Yes,' said Reece simply, going on with his writing. + +This might have discouraged some people, but Nature had equipped Monk +with a tough skin, which hints never pierced. He dropped into a chair, +crossed his legs, and coughed. Danvers and Waterford leaned in +picturesque attitudes against the door and mantelpiece. There was a +silence for a minute, during which Reece continued to write unmoved. + +'Take a seat, Monk,' he said at last, without looking up. + +'Oh, er, thanks, I have,' said Monk. 'I say, Reece, we wanted to speak +to you.' + +'Go ahead then,' said Reece. 'I can listen and write at the same time. +I'm doing this prose against time.' + +'It's about Gethryn.' + +'What's Gethryn been doing?' + +'Oh, I don't know. Nothing special. It's about his being captain of the +House team. The chaps seem to think he ought to resign.' + +'Which chaps?' enquired Reece, laying down his pen and turning round in +his chair. + +'The rest of the team, you know.' + +'Why don't they think he ought to be captain? The head of the House is +always captain of the House team unless he's too bad to be in it at +all. Don't the chaps think Gethryn's good at cricket?' + +'Oh, he's good enough,' said Monk. 'It's more about this M.C.C. match +business, you know. His cutting off like that in the middle of the +match. The chaps think the House ought to take some notice of it. +Express its disapproval, and that sort of thing.' + +'And what do the chaps think of doing about it?' + +Monk inserted a hand in his breast-pocket, and drew forth the +round-robin. He straightened it out, and passed it over to Reece. + +'We've drawn up this notice,' he said, 'and we came to see if you'd +sign it. Nearly all the other chaps in the team have.' + +Reece perused the document gravely. Then he handed it back to its +owner. + +'What rot,' said he. + +'I don't think so at all,' said Monk. + +'Nor do I,' broke in Danvers, speaking for the first time. 'What else +can we do? We can't let a chap like Gethryn stick to the captaincy.' + +'Why not?' + +'A cad like that!' + +'That's a matter of opinion. I don't suppose everyone thinks him a cad. +I don't, personally.' + +'Well, anyway,' asked Waterford, 'are you going to sign?' + +'My good man, of course I'm not. Do you mean to say you seriously +intend to hand in that piffle to Gethryn?' + +'Rather,' said Monk. + +'Then you'll be making fools of yourselves. I'll tell you exactly +what'll happen, if you care to know. Gethryn will read this rot, and +simply cut everybody whose name appears on the list out of the House +team. I don't know if you're aware of it, but there are several other +fellows besides you in the House. And if you come to think of it, you +aren't so awfully good. You three are in the Second. The other five +haven't got colours at all.' + +'Anyhow, we're all in the House team,' said Monk. + +'Don't let that worry you,' said Reece, 'you won't be long, if you show +Gethryn that interesting document. Anything else I can do for you?' + +'No, thanks,' said Monk. And the deputation retired. + +When they had gone, Reece made his way to the Bishop's study. It was +not likely that the deputation would deliver their ultimatum until late +at night, when the study would be empty. From what Reece knew of Monk, +he judged that it would be pleasanter to him to leave the document +where the Bishop could find it in the morning, rather than run the +risks that might attend a personal interview. There was time, +therefore, to let Gethryn know what was going to happen, so that he +might not be surprised into doing anything rash, such as resigning the +captaincy, for example. Not that Reece thought it likely that he would, +but it was better to take no risks. + +Both Marriott and Gethryn were in the study when he arrived. + +'Hullo, Reece,' said Marriott, 'come in and take several seats. Have + a biscuit? Have two. Have a good many.' + +Reece helped himself, and gave them a brief description of the late +interview. + +'I'm not surprised,' said Gethryn, 'I thought Monk would be getting at +me somehow soon. I shall _have_ to slay that chap someday. What +ought I to do, do you think?' + +'My dear chap,' said Marriott, 'there's only one thing you can do. Cut +the lot of them out of the team, and fill up with substitutes.' + +Reece nodded approval. + +'Of course. That's what you must do. As a matter of fact, I told them +you would. I've given you a reputation. You must live up to it.' + +'Besides,' continued Marriott, 'after all it isn't such a crusher, when +you come to think of it. Only four of them are really certainties for +their places, Monk, Danvers, Waterford, and Saunders. The rest are +simply tail.' + +Reece nodded again. 'Great minds think alike. Exactly what I told them, +only they wouldn't listen.' + +'Well, whom do you suggest instead of them? Some of the kids are jolly +keen and all that, but they wouldn't be much good against Baynes and +Lorimer, for instance.' + +'If I were you,' said Marriott, 'I shouldn't think about their batting +at all. I should go simply for fielding. With a good fielding side we +ought to have quite a decent chance. There's no earthly reason why you +and Reece shouldn't put on enough for the first wicket to win all the +matches. It's been done before. Don't you remember the School House +getting the cup four years ago when Twiss was captain? They had nobody +who was any earthly good except Twiss and Birch, and those two used to +make about a hundred and fifty between them in every match. Besides, +some of the kids can bat rather well. Wilson for one. He can bowl, +too.' + +'Yes,' said the Bishop, 'all right. Stick down Wilson. Who else? +Gregson isn't bad. He can field in the slips, which is more than a good +many chaps can.' + +'Gregson's good,' said Reece, 'put him down. That makes five. You might +have young Lee in too. I've seen him play like a book at his form net +once or twice.' + +'Lee--six. Five more wanted. Where's a House list? Here we are. Now. +Adams, Bond, Brown, Burgess. Burgess has his points. Shall I stick him +down?' + +'Not presume to dictate,' said Marriott, 'but Adams is streets better +than Burgess as a field, and just as good a bat.' + +'Why, when have you seen him?' + +'In a scratch game between his form and another. He was carting all +over the shop. Made thirty something.' + +'We'll have both of them in, then. Plenty of room. This is the team so +far. Wilson, Gregson, Lee, Adams, and Burgess, with Marriott, Reece, +and Gethryn. Jolly hot stuff it is, too, by Jove. We'll simply walk +that tankard. Now, for the last places. I vote we each select a man, +and nobody's allowed to appeal against the other's decision. I lead off +with Crowinshaw. Good name, Crowinshaw. Look well on a score sheet.' + +'Heave us the list,' said Marriott. 'Thanks. My dear sir, there's only +one man in the running at all, which his name's Chamberlain. Shove down +Joseph, and don't let me hear anyone breathe a word against him. Come +on, Reece, let's have your man. I bet Reece selects some weird rotter.' + +Reece pondered. + +'Carstairs,' he said. + +'Oh, my very dear sir! Carstairs!' + +'All criticism barred,' said the Bishop. + +'Sorry. By the way, what House are we drawn against in the first +round?' + +'Webster's.' + +'Ripping. We can smash Webster's. They've got nobody. It'll be rather a +good thing having an easy time in our first game. We shall be able to +get some idea about the team's play. I shouldn't think we could +possibly get beaten by Webster's.' + +There was a knock at the door. Wilson came in with a request that he +might fetch a book that he had left in the study. + +'Oh, Wilson, just the man I wanted to see,' said the Bishop. 'Wilson, +you're playing against Webster's next week.' + +'By Jove,' said Wilson, 'am I really?' + +He had spent days in working out on little slips of paper during school +his exact chances of getting a place in the House team. Recently, +however, he had almost ceased to hope. He had reckoned on at least +eight of the senior study being chosen before him. + +'Yes,' said the Bishop, 'you must buck up. Practise fielding every +minute of your spare time. Anybody'll hit you up catches if you ask +them.' + +'Right,' said Wilson, 'I will.' + +'All right, then. Go, and tell Lee that I want to see him.' + +'Lee,' said the Bishop, when that worthy appeared, 'I wanted to see +you, to tell you you're playing for the House against Webster's. +Thought you might like to know.' + +'By Jove,' said Lee, 'am I really?' + +'Yes. Buck up with your fielding.' + +'Right,' said Lee. + +'That's all. If you're going downstairs, you might tell Adams to come +up.' + +For a quarter of an hour the Bishop interviewed the junior members of +his team, and impressed on each of them the absolute necessity of +bucking up with his fielding. And each of them protested that the +matter should receive his best consideration. + +'Well, they're keen enough anyway,' said Marriott, as the door closed +behind Carstairs, the last of the new recruits, 'and that's the great +thing. Hullo, who's that? I thought you had worked through the lot. +Come in!' + +A small form appeared in the doorway, carrying in its right hand a +neatly-folded note. + +'Monk told me to give you this, Gethryn.' + +'Half a second,' said the Bishop, as the youth made for the door. +'There may be an answer.' + +'Monk said there wouldn't be one.' + +'Oh. No, it's all right. There isn't an answer.' + +The door closed. The Bishop laughed, and threw the note over to Reece. + +'Recognize it?' + +Reece examined the paper. + +'It's a fair copy. The one Monk showed me was rather smudged. I suppose +they thought you might be hurt if you got an inky round-robin. +Considerate chap, Monk.' + +'Let's have a look,' said Marriott. 'By Jove. I say, listen to this +bit. Like Macaulay, isn't it?' + +He read extracts from the ultimatum. + +'Let's have it,' said Gethryn, stretching out a hand. + +'Not much. I'm going to keep it, and have it framed.' + +'All right. I'm going down now to put up the list.' + +When he had returned to the study, Monk and Danvers came quietly +downstairs to look at the notice-board. It was dark in the passage, and +Monk had to strike a light before he could see to read. + +'By George,' he said, as the match flared up, 'Reece was right. He +has.' + +'Well, there's one consolation,' commented Danvers viciously, 'they +can't possibly get that cup now. They'll have to put us in again soon, +you see if they don't.' + +''M, yes,' said Monk doubtfully. + + + + +[14] + +NORRIS TAKES A SHORT HOLIDAY + + +'It's all rot,' observed Pringle, 'to say that they haven't a chance, +because they have.' + +He and Lorimer were passing through the cricket-field on their way back +from an early morning visit to the baths, and had stopped to look at +Leicester's House team (revised version) taking its daily hour of +fielding practice. They watched the performance keenly and critically, +as spies in an enemy's camp. + +'Who said they hadn't a chance?' said Lorimer. 'I didn't.' + +'Oh, everybody. The chaps call them the Kindergarten and the Kids' +Happy League, and things of that sort. Rot, I call it. They seem to +forget that you only want two or three really good men in a team if the +rest can field. Look at our crowd. They've all either got their +colours, or else are just outside the teams, and I swear you can't rely +on one of them to hold the merest sitter right into his hands.' + +On the subject of fielding in general, and catching in particular, +Pringle was feeling rather sore. In the match which his House had just +won against Browning's, he had put himself on to bowl in the second +innings. He was one of those bowlers who manage to capture from six to +ten wickets in the course of a season, and the occasions on which he +bowled really well were few. On this occasion he had bowled +excellently, and it had annoyed him when five catches, five soft, +gentle catches, were missed off him in the course of four overs. As he +watched the crisp, clean fielding which was shown by the very smallest +of Leicester's small 'tail', he felt that he would rather have any of +that despised eight on his side than any of the School House lights +except Baynes and Lorimer. + +'Our lot's all right, really,' said Lorimer, in answer to Pringle's +sweeping condemnation. 'Everybody has his off days. They'll be all +right next match.' + +'Doubt it,' replied Pringle. 'It's all very well for you. You bowl to +hit the sticks. I don't. Now just watch these kids for a moment. Now! +Look! No, he couldn't have got to that. Wait a second. Now!' + +Gethryn had skied one into the deep. Wilson, Burgess, and Carstairs all +started for it. + +'Burgess,' called the Bishop. + +The other two stopped dead. Burgess ran on and made the catch. + +'Now, there you are,' said Pringle, pointing his moral, 'see how those +two kids stopped when Gethryn called. If that had happened in one of +our matches, you'd have had half a dozen men rotting about underneath +the ball, and getting in one another's way, and then probably winding +up by everybody leaving the catch to everybody else.' + +'Oh, come on,' said Lorimer, 'you're getting morbid. Why the dickens +didn't you think of having our fellows out for fielding practice, if +you're so keen on it?' + +'They wouldn't have come. When a chap gets colours, he seems to think +he's bought the place. You can't drag a Second Eleven man out of his +bed before breakfast to improve his fielding. He thinks it can't be +improved. They're a heart-breaking crew.' + +'Good,' said Lorimer, 'I suppose that includes me?' + +'No. You're a model man. I have seen you hold a catch now and then.' + +'Thanks. Oh, I say, I gave in the poem yesterday. I hope the deuce it +won't get the prize. I hope they won't spot, either, that I didn't +write the thing.' + +'Not a chance,' said Pringle complacently, 'you're all right. Don't you +worry yourself.' + +Webster's, against whom Leicester's had been drawn in the opening round +of the House matches, had three men in their team, and only three, who +knew how to hold a bat. It was the slackest House in the School, and +always had been. It did not cause any overwhelming surprise, +accordingly, when Leicester's beat them without fatigue by an innings +and a hundred and twenty-one runs. Webster's won the toss, and made +thirty-five. For Leicester's, Reece and Gethryn scored fifty and +sixty-two respectively, and Marriott fifty-three not out. They then, +with two wickets down, declared, and rattled Webster's out for seventy. +The public, which had had its eye on the team, in order to see how its +tail was likely to shape, was disappointed. The only definite fact that +could be gleaned from the match was that the junior members of the team +were not to be despised in the field. The early morning field-outs had +had their effect. Adams especially shone, while Wilson at cover and +Burgess in the deep recalled Jessop and Tyldesley. + +The School made a note of the fact. So did the Bishop. He summoned the +eight juniors _seriatim_ to his study, and administered much +praise, coupled with the news that fielding before breakfast would go +on as usual. + +Leicester's had drawn against Jephson's in the second round. Norris's +lot had beaten Cooke's by, curiously enough, almost exactly the same +margin as that by which Leicester's had defeated Webster's. It was +generally considered that this match would decide Leicester's chances +for the cup. If they could beat a really hot team like Jephson's, it +was reasonable to suppose that they would do the same to the rest of +the Houses, though the School House would have to be reckoned with. But +the School House, as Pringle had observed, was weak in the field. It +was not a coherent team. Individually its members were good, but they +did not play together as Leicester's did. + +But the majority of the School did not think seriously of their +chances. Except for Pringle, who, as has been mentioned before, always +made a point of thinking differently from everyone else, no one really +believed that they would win the cup, or even appear in the final. How +could a team whose tail began at the fall of the second wicket defeat +teams which, like the School House, had no real tail at all? + +Norris supported this view. It was for this reason that when, at +breakfast on the day on which Jephson's were due to play Leicester's, +he received an invitation from one of his many uncles to spend a +weekend at his house, he decided to accept it. + +This uncle was a man of wealth. After winning two fortunes on the Stock +Exchange and losing them both, he had at length amassed a third, with +which he retired in triumph to the country, leaving Throgmorton Street +to exist as best it could without him. He had bought a 'show-place' at +a village which lay twenty miles by rail to the east of Beckford, and +it had always been Norris's wish to see this show-place, a house which +was said to combine the hoariest of antiquity with a variety of modern +comforts. + +Merely to pay a flying visit there would be good. But his uncle held +out an additional attraction. If Norris could catch the one-forty from +Horton, he would arrive just in time to take part in a cricket match, +that day being the day of the annual encounter with the neighbouring +village of Pudford. The rector of Pudford, the opposition captain, so +wrote Norris's uncle, had by underhand means lured down three really +decent players from Oxford--not Blues, but almost--who had come to the +village ostensibly to read classics with him as their coach, but in +reality for the sole purpose of snatching from Little Bindlebury (his +own village) the laurels they had so nobly earned the year before. He +had heard that Norris was captaining the Beckford team this year, and +had an average of thirty-eight point nought three two, so would he come +and make thirty-eight point nought three two for Little Bindlebury? + +'This,' thought Norris, 'is Fame. This is where I spread myself. I must +be in this at any price.' + +He showed the letter to Baker. + +'What a pity,' said Baker. + +'What's a pity?' + +'That you won't be able to go. It seems rather a catch.' + +'Can't go?' said Norris; 'my dear sir, you're talking through your hat. +Think I'm going to refuse an invitation like this? Not if I know it. +I'm going to toddle off to Jephson, get an exeat, and catch that +one-forty. And if I don't paralyse the Pudford bowling, I'll shoot +myself.' + +'But the House match! Leicester's! This afternoon!' gurgled the amazed +Baker. + +'Oh, hang Leicester's. Surely the rest of you can lick the Kids' Happy +League without my help. If you can't, you ought to be ashamed of +yourselves. I've chosen you a wicket with my own hands, fit to play a +test match on.' + +'Of course we ought to lick them. But you can never tell at cricket +what's going to happen. We oughtn't to run any risks when we've got +such a good chance of winning the pot. Why, it's centuries since we won +the pot. Don't you go.' + +'I must, man. It's the chance of a lifetime.' + +Baker tried another method of attack. + +'Besides,' he said, 'you don't suppose Jephson'll let you off to play +in a beastly little village game when there's a House match on?' + +'He must never know!' hissed Norris, after the manner of the +Surrey-side villain. + +'He's certain to ask why you want to get off so early.' + +'I shall tell him my uncle particularly wishes me to come early.' + +'Suppose he asks why?' + +'I shall say I can't possibly imagine.' + +'Oh, well, if you're going to tell lies--' + +'Not at all. Merely a diplomatic evasion. I'm not bound to go and sob +out my secrets on Jephson's waistcoat.' + +Baker gave up the struggle with a sniff. Norris went to Mr Jephson and +got leave to spend the week-end at his uncle's. The interview went +without a hitch, as Norris had prophesied. + +'You will miss the House match, Norris, then?' said Mr Jephson. + +'I'm afraid so, sir. But Mr Leicester's are very weak.' + +'H'm. Reece, Marriott, and Gethryn are a good beginning.' + +'Yes, sir. But they've got nobody else. Their tail starts after those +three.' + +'Very well. But it seems a pity.' + +'Thank you, sir,' said Norris, wisely refraining from discussing the +matter. He had got his exeat, which was what he had come for. + +In all the annals of Pudford and Little Bindlebury cricket there had +never been such a match as that year's. The rector of Pudford and his +three Oxford experts performed prodigies with the bat, prodigies, that +is to say, judged from the standpoint of ordinary Pudford scoring, +where double figures were the exception rather than the rule. + +The rector, an elderly, benevolent-looking gentleman, played with +astounding caution and still more remarkable luck for seventeen. +Finally, after he had been in an hour and ten minutes, mid-on accepted +the eighth easy chance offered to him, and the ecclesiastic had to +retire. The three 'Varsity men knocked up a hundred between them, and +the complete total was no less than a hundred and thirty-four. + +Then came the sensation of the day. After three wickets had fallen for +ten runs, Norris and the Little Bindlebury curate, an old Cantab, +stayed together and knocked off the deficit. + +Norris's contribution of seventy-eight not out was for many a day the +sole topic of conversation over the evening pewter at the 'Little +Bindlebury Arms'. A non-enthusiast, who tried on one occasion to +introduce the topic of Farmer Giles's grey pig, found himself the most +unpopular man in the village. + +On the Monday morning Norris returned to Jephson's, with pride in his +heart and a sovereign in his pocket, the latter the gift of his +excellent uncle. + +He had had, he freely admitted to himself, a good time. His uncle had +done him well, exceedingly well, and he looked forward to going to the +show-place again in the near future. In the meantime he felt a languid +desire to know how the House match was going on. They must almost have +finished the first innings, he thought--unless Jephson's had run up a +very big score, and kept their opponents in the field all the +afternoon. + +'Hullo, Baker,' he said, tramping breezily into the study, 'I've had +the time of a lifetime. Great, simply! No other word for it. How's the +match getting on?' + +Baker looked up from the book he was reading. + +'What match?' he enquired coldly. + +'House match, of course, you lunatic. What match did you think I meant? +How's it going on?' + +'It's not going on,' said Baker, 'it's stopped.' + +'You needn't be a funny goat,' said Norris complainingly. 'You know +what I mean. What happened on Saturday?' + +'They won the toss,' began Baker slowly. + +'Yes?' + +'And went in and made a hundred and twenty.' + +'Good. I told you they were no use. A hundred and twenty's rotten.' + +'Then we went in, and made twenty-one.' + +'Hundred and twenty-one.' + +'No. Just a simple twenty-one without any trimmings of any sort.' + +'But, man! How? Why? How on earth did it happen?' + +'Gethryn took eight for nine. Does that seem to make it any clearer?' + +'Eight for nine? Rot.' + +'Show you the score-sheet if you care to see it. In the second +innings--' + +'Oh, you began a second innings?' + +'Yes. We also finished it. We scored rather freely in the second +innings. Ten was on the board before the fifth wicket fell. In the end +we fairly collared the bowling, and ran up a total of forty-eight.' + +Norris took a seat, and tried to grapple with the situation. + +'Forty-eight! Look here, Baker, swear you're not ragging.' + +Baker took a green scoring-book from the shelf and passed it to him. + +'Look for yourself,' he said. + +Norris looked. He looked long and earnestly. Then he handed the book +back. + +'Then they've won!' he said blankly. + +'How do you guess these things?' observed Baker with some bitterness. + +'Well, you are a crew,' said Norris. 'Getting out for twenty-one and +forty-eight! I see Gethryn got nine for thirty in the second innings. +He seems to have been on the spot. I suppose the wicket suited him.' + +'If you can call it a wicket. Next time you specially select a pitch +for the House to play on, I wish you'd hunt up something with some +slight pretensions to decency.' + +'Why, what was wrong with the pitch? It was a bit worn, that was all.' + +'If,' said Baker, 'you call having holes three inches deep just where +every ball pitches being a bit worn, I suppose it was. Anyhow, it would +have been almost as well, don't you think, if you'd stopped and played +for the House, instead of going off to your rotten village match? You +were sick enough when Gethryn went off in the M.C.C. match.' + +'Oh, curse,' said Norris. + +For he had been hoping against hope that the parallel nature of the two +incidents would be less apparent to other people than it was to +himself. + +And so it came about that Leicester's passed successfully through the +first two rounds and soared into the dizzy heights of the semi-final. + + + + +[15] + +_VERSUS_ CHARCHESTER (AT CHARCHESTER) + + +From the fact that he had left his team so basely in the lurch on the +day of an important match, a casual observer might have imagined that +Norris did not really care very much whether his House won the cup or +not. But this was not the case. In reality the success of Jephson's was +a very important matter to him. A sudden whim had induced him to accept +his uncle's invitation, but now that that acceptance had had such +disastrous results, he felt inclined to hire a sturdy menial by the +hour to kick him till he felt better. To a person in such a frame of +mind there are three methods of consolation. He can commit suicide, he +can take to drink, or he can occupy his mind with other matters, and +cure himself by fixing his attention steadily on some object, and +devoting his whole energies to the acquisition of the same. + +Norris chose the last method. On the Saturday week following his +performance for Little Bindlebury, the Beckford Eleven was due to +journey to Charchester, to play the return match against that school on +their opponents' ground, and Norris resolved that that match should be +won. For the next week the team practised assiduously, those members of +it who were not playing in House matches spending every afternoon at +the nets. The treatment was not without its effect. The team had been a +good one before. Now every one of the eleven seemed to be at the very +summit of his powers. New and hitherto unsuspected strokes began to be +developed, leg glances which recalled the Hove and Ranjitsinhji, late +cuts of Palairetical brilliance. In short, all Nature may be said to +have smiled, and by the end of the week Norris was beginning to be +almost cheerful once more. And then, on the Monday before the match, +Samuel Wilberforce Gosling came to school with his right arm in a +sling. Norris met him at the School gates, rubbed his eyes to see +whether it was not after all some horrid optical illusion, and finally, +when the stern truth came home to him, almost swooned with anguish. + +'What? How? Why?' he enquired lucidly. + +The injured Samuel smiled feebly. + +'I'm fearfully sorry, Norris,' he said. + +'Don't say you can't play on Saturday,' moaned Norris. + +'Frightfully sorry. I know it's a bit of a sickener. But I don't see +how I can, really. The doctor says I shan't be able to play for a +couple of weeks.' + +Now that the blow had definitely fallen, Norris was sufficiently +himself again to be able to enquire into the matter. + +'How on earth did you do it? How did it happen?' + +Gosling looked guiltier than ever. + +'It was on Saturday evening,' he said. 'We were ragging about at home a +bit, you know, and my young sister wanted me to send her down a few +balls. Somebody had given her a composition bean and a bat, and she's +been awfully keen on the game ever since she got them.' + +'I think it's simply sickening the way girls want to do everything we +do,' said Norris disgustedly. + +Gosling spoke for the defence. + +'Well, she's only thirteen. You can't blame the kid. Seemed to me a +jolly healthy symptom. Laudable ambition and that sort of thing.' + +'Well?' + +'Well, I sent down one or two. She played 'em like a book. Bit inclined +to pull. All girls are. So I put in a long hop on the off, and she let +go at it like Jessop. She's got a rattling stroke in mid-on's +direction. Well, the bean came whizzing back rather wide on the right. +I doubled across to bring off a beefy c-and-b, and the bally thing took +me right on the tips of the fingers. Those composition balls hurt like +blazes, I can tell you. Smashed my second finger simply into hash, and +I couldn't grip a ball now to save my life. Much less bowl. I'm awfully +sorry. It's a shocking nuisance.' + +Norris agreed with him. It was more than a nuisance. It was a +staggerer. Now that Gethryn no longer figured for the First Eleven, +Gosling was the School's one hope. Baynes was good on his wicket, but +the wickets he liked were the sea-of-mud variety, and this summer fine +weather had set in early and continued. Lorimer was also useful, but +not to be mentioned in the same breath as the great Samuel. The former +was good, the latter would be good in a year or so. His proper sphere +of action was the tail. If the first pair of bowlers could dismiss five +good batsmen, Lorimer's fast, straight deliveries usually accounted for +the rest. But there had to be somebody to pave the way for him. He was +essentially a change bowler. It is hardly to be wondered at that Norris +very soon began to think wistfully of the Bishop, who was just now +doing such great things with the ball, wasting his sweetness on the +desert air of the House matches. Would it be consistent with his +dignity to invite him back into the team? It was a nice point. With +some persons there might be a risk. But Gethryn, as he knew perfectly +well, was not the sort of fellow to rub in the undeniable fact that the +School team could not get along without him. He had half decided to ask +him to play against Charchester, when Gosling suggested the very same +thing. + +'Why don't you have Gethryn in again?' he said. 'You've stood him out +against the O.B.s and the Masters. Surely that's enough. Especially as +he's miles the best bowler in the School.' + +'Bar yourself.' + +'Not a bit. He can give me points. You take my tip and put him in +again.' + +'Think he'd play if I put him down? Because, you know, I'm dashed if +I'm going to do any grovelling and that sort of thing.' + +'Certain to, I should think. Anyhow, it's worth trying.' + +Pringle, on being consulted, gave the same opinion, and Norris was +convinced. The list went up that afternoon, and for the first time +since the M.C.C. match Gethryn's name appeared in its usual place. + +'Norris is learning wisdom in his old age,' said Marriott to the +Bishop, as they walked over to the House that evening. + +Leicester's were in the middle of their semi-final, and looked like +winning it. + +'I was just wondering what to do about it,' said Gethryn. 'What would +you do? Play, do you think?' + +'Play! My dear man, what else did you propose to do? You weren't +thinking of refusing?' + +'I was.' + +'But, man! That's rank treason. If you're put down to play for the +School you must play. There's no question about it. If Norris knocked +you down with one hand and put you up on the board with the other, +you'd have to play all the same. You mustn't have any feelings where +the School is concerned. Nobody's ever refused to play in a first +match. It's one of the things you can't do. Norris hasn't given you +much of a time lately, I admit. Still, you must lump that. Excuse +sermon. I hope it's done you good.' + +'Very well. I'll play. It's rather rot, though.' + +'No, it's all right, really. It's only that you've got into a groove. +You're so used to doing the heavy martyr, that the sudden change has +knocked you out rather. Come and have an ice before the shop shuts.' + +So Gethryn came once more into the team, and travelled down to +Charchester with the others. And at this point a painful alternative +faces me. I have to choose between truth and inclination. I should like +to say that the Bishop eclipsed himself, and broke all previous records +in the Charchester match. By the rules of the dramatic, nothing else is +possible. But truth, though it crush me, and truth compels me to admit +that his performance was in reality distinctly mediocre. One of his +weak points as a bowler was that he was at sea when opposed to a +left-hander. Many bowlers have this failing. Some strange power seems +to compel them to bowl solely on the leg side, and nothing but long +hops and full pitches. It was so in the case of Gethryn. Charchester +won the toss, and batted first on a perfect wicket. The first pair of +batsmen were the captain, a great bat, who had scored seventy-three not +out against Beckford in the previous match, and a left-handed fiend. +Baynes's leg-breaks were useless on a wicket which, from the hardness +of it, might have been constructed of asphalt, and the rubbish the +Bishop rolled up to the left-handed artiste was painful to witness. At +four o'clock--the match had started at half-past eleven--the +Charchester captain reached his century, and was almost immediately +stumped off Baynes. The Bishop bowled the next man first ball, the one +bright spot in his afternoon's performance. Then came another long +stand, against which the Beckford bowling raged in vain. At five +o'clock, Charchester by that time having made two hundred and forty-one +for two wickets, the left-hander ran into three figures, and the +captain promptly declared the innings closed. Beckford's only chance +was to play for a draw, and in this they succeeded. When stumps were +drawn at a quarter to seven, the score was a hundred and three, and +five wickets were down. The Bishop had the satisfaction of being not +out with twenty-eight to his credit, but nothing less than a century +would have been sufficient to soothe him after his shocking bowling +performance. Pringle, who during the luncheon interval had encountered +his young friends the Ashbys, and had been duly taunted by them on the +subject of leather-hunting, was top scorer with forty-one. Norris, I +regret to say, only made three, running himself out in his second over. +As the misfortune could not, by any stretch of imagination, be laid at +anybody else's door but his own, he was decidedly savage. The team +returned to Beckford rather footsore, very disgusted, and abnormally +silent. Norris sulked by himself at one end of the saloon carriage, and +the Bishop sulked by himself at the other end, and even Marriott +forbore to treat the situation lightly. It was a mournful home-coming. +No cheering wildly as the brake drove to the College from Horton, no +shouting of the School song in various keys as they passed through the +big gates. Simply silence. And except when putting him on to bowl, or +taking him off, or moving him in the field, Norris had not spoken a +word to the Bishop the whole afternoon. + +It was shortly after this disaster that Mr Mortimer Wells came to stay +with the Headmaster. Mr Mortimer Wells was a brilliant and superior +young man, who was at some pains to be a cynic. He was an old pupil of +the Head's in the days before he had succeeded to the rule of Beckford. +He had the reputation of being a 'ripe' scholar, and to him had been +deputed the task of judging the poetical outbursts of the bards of the +Upper Fifth, with the object of awarding to the most deserving--or, +perhaps, to the least undeserving--the handsome prize bequeathed by his +open-handed highness, the Rajah of Seltzerpore. + +This gentleman sat with his legs stretched beneath the Headmaster's +generous table. Dinner had come to an end, and a cup of coffee, acting +in co-operation with several glasses of port and an excellent cigar, +had inspired him to hold forth on the subject of poetry prizes. He held +forth. + +'The poetry prize system,' said he--it is astonishing what nonsense a +man, ordinarily intelligent, will talk after dinner--'is on exactly the +same principle as those penny-in-the-slot machines that you see at +stations. You insert your penny. You set your prize subject. In the +former case you hope for wax vestas, and you get butterscotch. In the +latter, you hope for something at least readable, and you get the most +complete, terrible, uninspired twaddle that was ever written on paper. +The boy mind'--here the ash of his cigar fell off on to his +waistcoat--'the merely boy mind is incapable of poetry.' + +From which speech the shrewd reader will infer that Mr Mortimer Wells +was something of a prig. And perhaps, altogether shrewd reader, you're +right. + +Mr Lawrie, the master of the Sixth, who had been asked to dinner to +meet the great man, disagreed as a matter of principle. He was one of +those men who will take up a cause from pure love of argument. + +'I think you're wrong, sir. I'm perfectly convinced you're wrong.' + +Mr Wells smiled in his superior way, as if to say that it was a pity +that Mr Lawrie was so foolish, but that perhaps he could not help it. + +'Ah,' he said, 'but you have not had to wade through over thirty of +these gems in a single week. I have. I can assure you your views would +undergo a change if you could go through what I have. Let me read you a +selection. If that does not convert you, nothing will. If you will +excuse me for a moment, Beckett, I will leave the groaning board, and +fetch the manuscripts.' + +He left the room, and returned with a pile of paper, which he deposited +in front of him on the table. + +'Now,' he said, selecting the topmost manuscript, 'I will take no +unfair advantage. I will read you the very pick of the bunch. None of +the other--er--poems come within a long way of this. It is a case of +Eclipse first and the rest nowhere. The author, the gifted author, is a +boy of the name of Lorimer, whom I congratulate on taking the Rajah's +prize. I drain this cup of coffee to him. Are you ready? Now, then.' + +He cleared his throat. + + + + +[16] + +A DISPUTED AUTHORSHIP + + +'One moment,' said Mr Lawrie, 'might I ask what is the subject of the +poem?' + +'Death of Dido,' said the Headmaster. 'Good, hackneyed, evergreen +subject, mellow with years. Go on, Wells.' + +Mr Wells began. + + Queen of Tyre, ancient Tyre, + Whilom mistress of the wave. + +Mr Lawrie, who had sunk back into the recesses of his chair in an +attitude of attentive repose, sat up suddenly with a start. + +'What!' he cried. + +'Hullo,' said Mr Wells, 'has the beauty of the work come home to you +already?' + +'You notice,' he said, as he repeated the couplet, 'that flaws begin to +appear in the gem right from the start. It was rash of Master Lorimer +to attempt such a difficult metre. Plucky, but rash. He should have +stuck to blank verse. Tyre, you notice, two syllables to rhyme with +"deny her" in line three. "What did fortune e'er deny her? Were not all +her warriors brave?" That last line seems to me distinctly weak. I +don't know how it strikes you.' + +'You're hypercritical, Wells,' said the Head. 'Now, for a boy I +consider that a very good beginning. What do you say, Lawrie?' + +'I--er. Oh, I think I am hardly a judge.' + +'To resume,' said Mr Mortimer Wells. He resumed, and ran through the +remaining verses of the poem with comments. When he had finished, he +remarked that, in his opinion a whiff of fresh air would not hurt him. +If the Headmaster would excuse him, he would select another of those +excellent cigars, and smoke it out of doors. + +'By all means,' said the Head; 'I think I won't join you myself, but +perhaps Lawrie will.' + +'No, thank you. I think I will remain. Yes, I think I will remain.' + +Mr Wells walked jauntily out of the room. When the door had shut, Mr +Lawrie coughed nervously. + +'Another cigar, Lawrie?' + +'I--er--no, thank you. I want to ask you a question. What is your +candid opinion of those verses Mr Wells was reading just now?' + +The Headmaster laughed. + +'I don't think Wells treated them quite fairly. In my opinion they were +distinctly promising. For a boy in the Upper Fifth, you understand. +Yes, on the whole they showed distinct promise.' + +'They were mine,' said Mr Lawrie. + +'Yours! I don't understand. How were they yours?' + +'I wrote them. Every word of them.' + +'You wrote them! But, my dear Lawrie--' + +'I don't wonder that you are surprised. For my own part I am amazed, +simply amazed. How the boy--I don't even remember his name--contrived +to get hold of them, I have not the slightest conception. But that he +did so contrive is certain. The poem is word for word, literally word +for word, the same as one which I wrote when I was at Cambridge.' + +'You +don't say so!' + +'Yes. It can hardly be a coincidence.' + +'Hardly,' said the Head. 'Are you certain of this?' + +'Perfectly certain. I am not eager to claim the authorship, I can +assure you, especially after Mr Wells's very outspoken criticisms, but +there is nothing else to be done. The poem appeared more than a dozen +years ago, in a small book called _The Dark Horse_.' + +'Ah! Something in the Whyte Melville style, I suppose?' + +'No,' said Mr Lawrie sharply. 'No. Certainly not. They were serious +poems, tragical most of them. I had them collected, and published them +at my own expense. Very much at my own expense. I used a pseudonym, I +am thankful to say. As far as I could ascertain, the total sale +amounted to eight copies. I have never felt the very slightest +inclination to repeat the performance. But how this boy managed to see +the book is more than I can explain. He can hardly have bought it. The +price was half-a-guinea. And there is certainly no copy in the School +library. The thing is a mystery.' + +'A mystery that must be solved,' said the Headmaster. 'The fact remains +that he did see the book, and it is very serious. Wholesale plagiarism +of this description should be kept for the School magazine. It should +not be allowed to spread to poetry prizes. I must see Lorimer about +this tomorrow. Perhaps he can throw some light upon the matter.' + +When, in the course of morning school next day, the School porter +entered the Upper Fifth form-room and informed Mr Sims, who was engaged +in trying to drive the beauties of Plautus' colloquial style into the +Upper Fifth brain, that the Headmaster wished to see Lorimer, Lorimer's +conscience was so abnormally good that for the life of him he could not +think why he had been sent for. As far as he could remember, there was +no possible way in which the authorities could get at him. If he had +been in the habit of smoking out of bounds in lonely fields and +deserted barns, he might have felt uneasy. But whatever his failings, +that was not one of them. It could not be anything about bounds, +because he had been so busy with cricket that he had had no time to +break them this term. He walked into the presence, glowing with +conscious rectitude. And no sooner was he inside than the Headmaster, +with three simple words, took every particle of starch out of his +anatomy. + +'Sit down, Lorimer,' he said. + +There are many ways of inviting a person to seat himself. The genial +'take a pew' of one's equal inspires confidence. The raucous 'sit down +in front' of the frenzied pit, when you stand up to get a better view +of the stage, is not so pleasant. But worst of all is the icy 'sit +down' of the annoyed headmaster. In his mouth the words take to +themselves new and sinister meanings. They seem to accuse you of +nameless crimes, and to warn you that anything you may say will be used +against you as evidence. + +'Why have I sent for you, Lorimer?' + +A nasty question that, and a very favourite one of the Rev. Mr Beckett, +Headmaster of Beckford. In nine cases out of ten, the person addressed, +paralysed with nervousness, would give himself away upon the instant, +and confess everything. Lorimer, however, was saved by the fact that he +had nothing to confess. He stifled an inclination to reply 'because the +woodpecker would peck her', or words to that effect, and maintained a +pallid silence. + +'Have you ever heard of a book called _The Dark Horse_, Lorimer?' + +Lorimer began to feel that the conversation was too deep for him. After +opening in the conventional 'judge-then-placed-the-black-cap-on-his-head' +manner, his assailant had suddenly begun to babble lightly of sporting +literature. He began to entertain doubts of the Headmaster's sanity. It +would not have added greatly to his mystification if the Head had gone +on to insist that he was the Emperor of Peru, and worked solely by +electricity. + +The Headmaster, for his part, was also surprised. He had worked for +dismay, conscious guilt, confessions, and the like, instead of blank +amazement. He, too, began to have his doubts. Had Mr Lawrie been +mistaken? It was not likely, but it was barely possible. In which case +the interview had better be brought to an abrupt stop until he had made +inquiries. The situation was at a deadlock. + +Fortunately at this point half-past twelve struck, and the bell rang +for the end of morning school. The situation was saved, and the tension +relaxed. + +'You may go, Lorimer,' said the Head, 'I will send for you later.' + +He swept out of the room, and Lorimer raced over to the House to inform +Pringle that the Headmaster had run suddenly mad, and should by rights +be equipped with a strait-waistcoat. + +'You never saw such a man,' he said, 'hauled me out of school in the +middle of a Plautus lesson, dumps me down in a chair, and then asks me +if I've read some weird sporting novel or other.' + +'Sporting novel! My dear man!' + +'Well, it sounded like it from the title.' + +'The title. Oh!' + +'What's up?' + +Pringle had leaped to his feet as if he had suddenly discovered that he +was sitting on something red-hot. His normal air of superior calm had +vanished. He was breathless with excitement. A sudden idea had struck +him with the force of a bullet. + +'What was the title he asked you if you'd read the book of?' he +demanded incoherently. + +'_The Derby Winner_.' + +Pringle sat down again, relieved. + +'Oh. Are you certain?' + +'No, of course it wasn't that. I was only ragging. The real title was +_The Dark Horse_. Hullo, what's up now? Have you got 'em too?' + +'What's up? I'll tell you. We're done for. Absolutely pipped. That's +what's the matter.' + +'Hang it, man, do give us a chance. Why can't you explain, instead of +sitting there talking like that? Why are we done? What have we done, +anyway?' + +'The poem, of course, the prize poem. I forgot, I never told you. I +hadn't time to write anything of my own, so I cribbed it straight out +of a book called _The Dark Horse_. Now do you see?' + +Lorimer saw. He grasped the whole unpainted beauty of the situation in +a flash, and for some moments it rendered him totally unfit for +intellectual conversation. When he did speak his observation was brief, +but it teemed with condensed meaning. It was the conversational +parallel to the ox in the tea-cup. + +'My aunt!' he said. + +'There'll be a row about this,' said Pringle. + +'What am I to say when he has me in this afternoon? He said he would.' + +'Let the whole thing out. No good trying to hush it up. He may let us +down easy if you're honest about it.' + +It relieved Lorimer to hear Pringle talk about 'us'. It meant that he +was not to be left to bear the assault alone. Which, considering that +the whole trouble was, strictly speaking, Pringle's fault, was only +just. + +'But how am I to explain? I can't reel off a long yarn all about how +you did it all, and so on. It would be too low.' + +'I know,' said Pringle, 'I've got it. Look here, on your way to the Old +Man's room you pass the Remove door. Well, when you pass, drop some +money. I'll be certain to hear it, as I sit next the door. And then +I'll ask to leave the room, and we'll go up together.' + +'Good man, Pringle, you're a genius. Thanks, awfully.' + +But as it happened, this crafty scheme was not found necessary. The +blow did not fall till after lock-up. + +Lorimer being in the Headmaster's House, it was possible to interview +him without the fuss and advertisement inseparable from a 'sending for +during school'. Just as he was beginning his night-work, the butler +came with a message that he was wanted in the Headmaster's part of the +House. + +'It was only Mr Lorimer as the master wished to see,' said the butler, +as Pringle rose to accompany his companion in crime. + +'That's all right,' said Pringle, 'the Headmaster's always glad to see +me. I've got a standing invitation. He'll understand.' + +At first, when he saw two where he had only sent for one, the +Headmaster did not understand at all, and said so. He had prepared to +annihilate Lorimer hip and thigh, for he was now convinced that his +blank astonishment at the mention of _The Dark Horse_ during their +previous interview had been, in the words of the bard, a mere veneer, a +wile of guile. Since the morning he had seen Mr Lawrie again, and had +with his own eyes compared the two poems, the printed and the written, +the author by special request having hunted up a copy of that valuable +work, _The Dark Horse_, from the depths of a cupboard in his +rooms. + +His astonishment melted before Pringle's explanation, which was brief +and clear, and gave way to righteous wrath. In well-chosen terms he +harangued the two criminals. Finally he perorated. + +'There is only one point which tells in your favour. You have not +attempted concealment.' (Pringle nudged Lorimer surreptitiously at +this.) 'And I may add that I believe that, as you say, you did not +desire actually to win the prize by underhand means. But I cannot +overlook such an offence. It is serious. Most serious. You will, both +of you, go into extra lesson for the remaining Saturdays of the term.' + +Extra lesson meant that instead of taking a half-holiday on Saturday +like an ordinary law-abiding individual, you treated the day as if it +were a full-school day, and worked from two till four under the eye of +the Headmaster. Taking into consideration everything, the punishment +was not an extraordinarily severe one, for there were only two more +Saturdays to the end of term, and the sentence made no mention of the +Wednesday half-holidays. + +But in effect it was serious indeed. It meant that neither Pringle nor +Lorimer would be able to play in the final House match against +Leicester's, which was fixed to begin on the next Saturday at two +o'clock. Among the rules governing the House matches was one to the +effect that no House might start a match with less than eleven men, nor +might the Eleven be changed during the progress of the match--a rule +framed by the Headmaster, not wholly without an eye to emergencies like +the present. + +'Thank goodness,' said Pringle, 'that there aren't any more First +matches. It's bad enough, though, by Jove, as it is. I suppose it's +occurred to you that this cuts us out of playing in the final?' + +Lorimer said the point had not escaped his notice. + +'I wish,' he observed, with simple pathos, 'that I'd got the Rajah of +Seltzerpore here now. I'd strangle him. I wonder if the Old Man +realizes that he's done his own House out of the cup?' + +'Wouldn't care if he did. Still, it's a sickening nuisance. Leicester's +are a cert now.' + +'Absolute cert,' said Lorimer; 'Baynes can't do all the bowling, +especially on a hard wicket, and there's nobody else. As for our +batting and fielding--' + +'Don't,' said-Pringle gloomily, 'it's too awful.' + +On the following Saturday, Leicester's ran up a total in their first +innings which put the issue out of doubt, and finished off the game on +the Monday by beating the School House by six wickets. + + + + +[17] + +THE WINTER TERM + + +It was the first day of the winter term. + +The Bishop, as he came back by express, could not help feeling that, +after all, life considered as an institution had its points. Things had +mended steadily during the last weeks of the term. He had kept up his +end as head of the House perfectly. The internal affairs of Leicester's +were going as smoothly as oil. And there was the cricket cup to live up +to. Nothing pulls a House together more than beating all comers in the +field, especially against odds, as Leicester's had done. And then Monk +and Danvers had left. That had set the finishing touch to a good term's +work. The Mob were no longer a power in the land. Waterford remained, +but a subdued, benevolent Waterford, with a wonderful respect for law +and order. Yes, as far as the House was concerned, Gethryn felt no +apprehensions. As regarded the School at large, things were bound to +come right in time. A school has very little memory. And in the present +case the Bishop, being second man in the Fifteen, had unusual +opportunities of righting himself in the eyes of the multitude. In the +winter term cricket is forgotten. Football is the only game that +counts. + +And to round off the whole thing, when he entered his study he found a +letter on the table. It was from Farnie, and revealed two curious and +interesting facts. Firstly he had left, and Beckford was to know him no +more. Secondly--this was even more remarkable--he possessed a +conscience. + +'Dear Gethryn,' ran the letter, 'I am writing to tell you my father is +sending me to a school in France, so I shall not come back to Beckford. +I am sorry about the M.C.C. match, and I enclose the four pounds you +lent me. I utterly bar the idea of going to France. It's beastly, yours +truly, R. Farnie.' + +The money mentioned was in the shape of a cheque, signed by Farnie +senior. + +Gethryn was distinctly surprised. That all this time remorse like a +worm i' the bud should have been feeding upon his uncle's damask cheek, +as it were, he had never suspected. His relative's demeanour since the +M.C.C. match had, it is true, been considerably toned down, but this he +had attributed to natural causes, not unnatural ones like conscience. +As for the four pounds, he had set it down as a bad debt. To get it +back was like coming suddenly into an unexpected fortune. He began to +think that there must have been some good in Farnie after all, though +he was fain to admit that without the aid of a microscope the human eye +might well have been excused for failing to detect it. + +His next thought was that there was nothing now to prevent him telling +the whole story to Reece and Marriott. Reece, if anybody, deserved to +have his curiosity satisfied. The way in which he had abstained from +questions at the time of the episode had been nothing short of +magnificent. Reece must certainly be told. + +Neither Reece nor Marriott had arrived at the moment. Both were in the +habit of returning at the latest possible hour, except at the beginning +of the summer term. The Bishop determined to reserve his story until +the following evening. + +Accordingly, when the study kettle was hissing on the Etna, and Wilson +was crouching in front of the fire, making toast in his own inimitable +style, he embarked upon his narrative. + +'I say, Marriott.' + +'Hullo.' + +'Do you notice a subtle change in me this term? Does my expressive +purple eye gleam more brightly than of yore? It does. Exactly so. I +feel awfully bucked up. You know that kid Farnie has left?' + +'I thought I missed his merry prattle. What's happened to him?' + +'Gone to a school in France somewhere.' + +'Jolly for France.' + +'Awfully. But the point is that now he's gone I can tell you about that +M.C.C. match affair. I know you want to hear what really did happen +that afternoon.' + +Marriott pointed significantly at Wilson, whose back was turned. + +'Oh, that's all right,' said Gethryn. 'Wilson.' + +'Yes?' + +'You mustn't listen. Try and think you're a piece of furniture. See? +And if you do happen to overhear anything, you needn't go gassing about +it. Follow?' + +'All right,' said Wilson, and Gethryn told his tale. + +'Jove,' he said, as he finished, 'that's a relief. It's something to +have got that off my chest. I do bar keeping a secret.' + +'But, I say,' said Marriott. + +'Well?' + +'Well, it was beastly good of you to do it, and that sort of thing, I +suppose. I see that all right. But, my dear man, what a rotten thing to +do. A kid like that. A little beast who simply cried out for sacking.' + +'Well, at any rate, it's over now. You needn't jump on me. I acted from +the best motives. That's what my grandfather, Farnie's _pater_, +you know, always used to say when he got at me for anything in the +happy days of my childhood. Don't sit there looking like a beastly +churchwarden, you ass. Buck up, and take an intelligent interest in +things.' + +'No, but really, Bishop,' said Marriott, 'you must treat this +seriously. You'll have to let the other chaps know about it.' + +'How? Put it up on the notice-board? This is to certify that Mr Allan +Gethryn, of Leicester's House, Beckford, is dismissed without a stain +on his character. You ass, how can I let them know? I seem to see +myself doing the boy-hero style of things. My friends, you wronged me, +you wronged me very grievously. But I forgive you. I put up with your +cruel scorn. I endured it. I steeled myself against it. And now I +forgive you profusely, every one of you. Let us embrace. It wouldn't +do. You must see that much. Don't be a goat. Is that toast done yet, +Wilson?' + +Wilson exhibited several pounds of the article in question. + +'Good,' said the Bishop. 'You're a great man, Wilson. You can make a +small selection of those biscuits, and if you bag all the sugar ones +I'll slay you, and then you can go quietly downstairs, and rejoin your +sorrowing friends. And don't you go telling them what I've been +saying.' + +'Rather not,' said Wilson. + +He made his small selection, and retired. The Bishop turned to Marriott +again. + +'I shall tell Reece, because he deserves it, and I rather think I shall +tell Gosling and Pringle. Nobody else, though. What's the good of it? +Everybody'll forget the whole thing by next season.' + +'How about Norris?' asked Marriott. + +'Now there you have touched the spot. I can't possibly tell Norris +myself. My natural pride is too enormous. Descended from a primordial +atomic globule, you know, like Pooh Bah. And I shook hands with a duke +once. The man Norris and I, I regret to say, had something of a row on +the subject last term. We parted with mutual expressions of hate, and +haven't spoken since. What I should like would be for somebody else to +tell him all about it. Not you. It would look too much like a put-up +job. So don't you go saying anything. Swear.' + +'Why not?' + +'Because you mustn't. Swear. Let me hear you swear by the bones of your +ancestors.' + +'All right. I call it awful rot, though.' + +'Can't be helped. Painful but necessary. Now I'm going to tell Reece, +though I don't expect he'll remember anything about it. Reece never +remembers anything beyond his last meal.' + +'Idiot,' said Marriott after him as the door closed. 'I don't know, +though,' he added to himself. + +And, pouring himself out another cup of tea, he pondered deeply over +the matter. + +Reece heard the news without emotion. + +'You're a good sort, Bishop,' he said, 'I knew something of the kind +must have happened. It reminds me of a thing that happened to--' + +'Yes, it is rather like it, isn't it?' said the Bishop. 'By the way, +talking about stories, a chap I met in the holidays told me a ripper. +You see, this chap and his brother--' + +He discoursed fluently for some twenty minutes. Reece sighed softly, +but made no attempt to resume his broken narrative. He was used to this +sort of thing. + +It was a fortnight later, and Marriott and the Bishop were once more +seated in their study waiting for Wilson to get tea ready. Wilson made +toast in the foreground. Marriott was in football clothes, rubbing his +shin gently where somebody had kicked it in the scratch game that +afternoon. After rubbing for a few moments in silence, he spoke +suddenly. + +'You must tell Norris,' he said. 'It's all rot.' + +'I can't.' + +'Then I shall.' + +'No, don't. You swore you wouldn't.' + +'Well, but look here. I just want to ask you one question. What sort of +a time did you have in that scratch game tonight?' + +'Beastly. I touched the ball exactly four times. If I wasn't so awfully +ornamental, I don't see what would be the use of my turning out at all. +I'm no practical good to the team.' + +'Exactly. That's just what I wanted to get at. I don't mean your remark +about your being ornamental, but about your never touching the ball. +Until you explain matters to Norris, you never will get a decent pass. +Norris and you are a rattling good pair of centre threes, but if he +never gives you a pass, I don't see how we can expect to have any +combination in the First. It's no good my slinging out the ball if the +centres stick to it like glue directly they get it, and refuse to give +it up. It's simply sickening.' + +Marriott played half for the First Fifteen, and his soul was in the +business. + +'But, my dear chap,' said Gethryn, 'you don't mean to tell me that a +man like Norris would purposely rot up the First's combination because +he happened to have had a row with the other centre. He's much too +decent a fellow.' + +'No. I don't mean that exactly. What he does is this. I've watched him. +He gets the ball. He runs with it till his man is on him, and then he +thinks of passing. You're backing him up. He sees you, and says to +himself, "I can't pass to that cad"--' + +'Meaning me?' + +'Meaning you.' + +'Thanks awfully.' + +'Don't mention it. I'm merely quoting his thoughts, as deduced by me. +He says, "I can't pass to that--well, individual, if you prefer it. +Where's somebody else?" So he hesitates, and gets tackled, or else +slings the ball wildly out to somebody who can't possibly get to it. +It's simply infernal. And we play the Nomads tomorrow, too. Something +must be done.' + +'Somebody ought to tell him. Why doesn't our genial skipper assert his +authority?' + +'Hill's a forward, you see, and doesn't get an opportunity of noticing +it. I can't tell him, of course. I've not got my colours--' + +'You're a cert. for them.' + +'Hope so. Anyway, I've not got them yet, and Norris has, so I can't +very well go slanging him to Hill. Sort of thing rude people would call +side.' + +'Well, I'll look out tomorrow, and if it's as bad as you think, I'll +speak to Hill. It's a beastly thing to have to do.' + +'Beastly,' agreed Marriott. 'It's got to be done, though. We can't go +through the season without any combination in the three-quarter line, +just to spare Norris's feelings.' + +'It's a pity, though,' said the Bishop, 'because Norris is a ripping +good sort of chap, really. I wish we hadn't had that bust-up last +term.' + + + + +[18] + +THE BISHOP SCORES + + +At this point Wilson finished the toast, and went out. As he went he +thought over what he had just heard. Marriott and Gethryn frequently +talked the most important School politics before him, for they had +discovered at an early date that he was a youth of discretion, who +could be trusted not to reveal state secrets. But matters now seemed to +demand such a revelation. It was a serious thing to do, but there was +nobody else to do it, and it obviously must be done, so, by a simple +process of reasoning, he ought to do it. Half an hour had to elapse +before the bell rang for lock-up. There was plenty of time to do the +whole thing and get back to the House before the door was closed. He +took his cap, and trotted off to Jephson's. + +Norris was alone in his study when Wilson knocked at the door. He +seemed surprised to see his visitor. He knew Wilson well by sight, he +being captain of the First Eleven and Wilson a distinctly promising +junior bat, but this was the first time he had ever exchanged a word of +conversation with him. + +'Hullo,' he said, putting down his book. + +'Oh, I say, Norris,' began Wilson nervously, 'can I speak to you for a +minute?' + +'All right. Go ahead.' + +After two false starts, Wilson at last managed to get the thread of his +story. He did not mention Marriott's remarks on football subjects, but +confined himself to the story of Farnie and the bicycle ride, as he had +heard it from Gethryn on the second evening of the term. + +'So that's how it was, you see,' he concluded. + +There was a long silence. Wilson sat nervously on the edge of his +chair, and Norris stared thoughtfully into the fire. + +'So shall I tell him it's all right?' asked Wilson at last. + +'Tell who what's all right?' asked Norris politely. + +'Oh, er, Gethryn, you know,' replied Wilson, slightly disconcerted. He +had had a sort of idea that Norris would have rushed out of the room, +sprinted over to Leicester's, and flung himself on the Bishop's bosom +in an agony of remorse. He appeared to be taking things altogether too +coolly. + +'No,' said Norris, 'don't tell him anything. I shall have lots of +chances of speaking to him myself if I want to. It isn't as if we were +never going to meet again. You'd better cut now. There's the bell just +going. Good night.' + +'Good night, Norris.' + +'Oh, and, I say,' said Norris, as Wilson opened the door, 'I meant to +tell you some time ago. If you buck up next cricket season, it's quite +possible that you'll get colours of some sort. You might bear that in +mind.' + +'I will,' said Wilson fervently. 'Good night, Norris. Thanks awfully.' + +The Nomads brought down a reasonably hot team against Beckford as a +general rule, for the School had a reputation in the football world. +They were a big lot this year. Their forwards looked capable, and when, +after the School full-back had returned the ball into touch on the +half-way line, the line-out had resulted in a hand-ball and a scrum, +they proved that appearances were not deceptive. They broke through in +a solid mass--the Beckford forwards never somehow seemed to get +together properly in the first scrum of a big match--and rushed the +ball down the field. Norris fell on it. Another hastily-formed scrum, +and the Nomads' front rank was off again. Ten yards nearer the School +line there was another halt. Grainger, the Beckford full-back, whose +speciality was the stopping of rushes, had curled himself neatly round +the ball. Then the School forwards awoke to a sense of their +responsibilities. It was time they did, for Beckford was now penned up +well within its own twenty-five line, and the Nomad halves were +appealing pathetically to their forwards to let that ball out, for +goodness' _sake_. But the forwards fancied a combined rush was the +thing to play. For a full minute they pushed the School pack towards +their line, and then some rash enthusiast kicked a shade too hard. The +ball dribbled out of the scrum on the School side, and Marriott punted +into touch. + +'You _must_ let it out, you men,' said the aggrieved half-backs. + +Marriott's kick had not brought much relief. The visitors were still +inside the Beckford twenty-five line, and now that their forwards had +realized the sin and folly of trying to rush the ball through, matters +became decidedly warm for the School outsides. Norris and Gethryn in +the centre and Grainger at back performed prodigies of tackling. The +wing three-quarter hovered nervously about, feeling that their time +might come at any moment. + +The Nomad attack was concentrated on the extreme right. + +Philips, the International, was officiating for them as +wing-three-quarters on that side, and they played to him. If he once +got the ball he would take a considerable amount of stopping. But the +ball never managed to arrive. Norris and Gethryn stuck to their men +closer than brothers. + +A prolonged struggle on the goal-line is a great spectacle. That is why +(purely in the opinion of the present scribe) Rugby is such a much +better game than Association. You don't get that sort of thing in +Soccer. But such struggles generally end in the same way. The Nomads +were now within a couple of yards of the School line. It was a question +of time. In three minutes the whistle would blow for half-time, and the +School would be saved. + +But in those three minutes the thing happened. For the first time in +the match the Nomad forwards heeled absolutely cleanly. Hitherto, the +ball had always remained long enough in the scrum to give Marriott and +Wogan, the School halves, time to get round and on to their men before +they could become dangerous. But this time the ball was in and out +again in a moment. The Nomad half who was taking the scrum picked it +up, and was over the line before Marriott realized that the ball was +out at all. The school lining the ropes along the touch-line applauded +politely but feebly, as was their custom when the enemy scored. + +The kick was a difficult one--the man had got over in the corner--and +failed. The referee blew his whistle for half-time. The teams sucked +lemons, and the Beckford forwards tried to explain to Hill, the +captain, why they never got that ball in the scrums. Hill having +observed bitterly, as he did in every match when the School did not get +thirty points in the first half, that he 'would chuck the whole lot of +them out next Saturday', the game recommenced. + +Beckford started on the second half with three points against them, but +with both wind, what there was of it, and slope in their favour. Three +points, especially in a club match, where one's opponents may +reasonably be expected to suffer from lack of training and combination, +is not an overwhelming score. + +Beckford was hopeful and determined. + +To record all the fluctuations of the game for the next thirty-five +minutes is unnecessary. Copies of _The Beckfordian_ containing a +full report, crammed with details, and written in the most polished +English, may still be had from the editor at the modest price of +sixpence. Suffice it to say that two minutes from the kick-off the +Nomads increased their score with a goal from a mark, and almost +immediately afterwards Marriott gave the School their first score with +a neat drop-kick. It was about five minutes from the end of the game, +and the Nomads still led, when the event of the afternoon took place. +The Nomad forwards had brought the ball down the ground with one of +their combined dribbles, and a scrum had been formed on the Beckford +twenty-five line. The visitors heeled as usual. The half who was taking +the scrum whipped the ball out in the direction of his colleague. But +before it could reach him, Wogan had intercepted the pass, and was off +down the field, through the enemy's three-quarter line, with only the +back in front of him, and with Norris in close attendance, followed by +Gethryn. + +There is nothing like an intercepted pass for adding a dramatic touch +to a close game. A second before it had seemed as though the School +must be beaten, for though they would probably have kept the enemy out +for the few minutes that remained, they could never have worked the +ball down the field by ordinary give-and-take play. And now, unless +Wogan shamefully bungled what he had begun so well, victory was +certain. + +There was a danger, though. Wogan might in the excitement of the moment +try to get past the back and score himself, instead of waiting until +the back was on him and then passing to Norris. The School on the +touch-line shrieked their applause, but there was a note of anxiety as +well. A slight reputation which Wogan had earned for playing a selfish +game sprang up before their eyes. Would he pass? Or would he run +himself? If the latter, the odds were anything against his succeeding. + +But everything went right. Wogan arrived at the back, drew that +gentleman's undivided attention to himself, and then slung the ball out +to Norris, the model of what a pass ought to be. Norris made no mistake +about it. + +Then the remarkable thing happened. The Bishop, having backed Norris up +for fifty yards at full speed, could not stop himself at once. His +impetus carried him on when all need for expenditure of energy had come +to an end. He was just slowing down, leaving Norris to complete the +thing alone, when to his utter amazement he found the ball in his +hands. Norris had passed to him. With a clear run in, and the nearest +foeman yards to the rear, Norris had passed. It was certainly weird, +but his first duty was to score. There must be no mistake about the +scoring. Afterwards he could do any thinking that might be required. He +shot at express speed over the line, and placed the ball in the exact +centre of the white line which joined the posts. Then he walked back to +where Norris was waiting for him. + +'Good man,' said Norris, 'that was awfully good.' + +His tone was friendly. He spoke as he had been accustomed to speak +before the M.C.C. match. Gethryn took his cue from him. It was evident +that, for reasons at present unexplained, Norris wished for peace, and +such being the case, the Bishop was only too glad to oblige him. + +'No,' he said, 'it was jolly good of you to let me in like that. Why, +you'd only got to walk over.' + +'Oh, I don't know. I might have slipped or something. Anyhow I thought +I'd better pass. What price Beckford combination? The home-made +article, eh?' + +'Rather,' said the Bishop. + +'Oh, by the way,' said Norris, 'I was talking to young Wilson yesterday +evening. Or rather he was talking to me. Decent kid, isn't he? He was +telling me about Farnie. The M.C.C. match, you know, and so on.' + +'Oh!' said the Bishop. He began to see how things had happened. + +'Yes,' said Norris. 'Hullo, that gives us the game.' + +A roar of applause from the touch-line greeted the successful attempt +of Hill to convert Gethryn's try into the necessary goal. The referee +performed a solo on the whistle, and immediately afterwards another, as +if as an encore. + +'No side,' he said pensively. The School had won by two points. + +'That's all right,' said Norris. 'I say, can you come and have tea in +my study when you've changed? Some of the fellows are coming. I've +asked Reece and Marriott, and Pringle said he'd turn up too. It'll be +rather a tight fit, but we'll manage somehow.' + +'Right,' said the Bishop. 'Thanks very much.' + +Norris was correct. It was a tight fit. But then a study brew loses +half its charm if there is room to breathe. It was a most enjoyable +ceremony in every way. After the serious part of the meal was over, and +the time had arrived when it was found pleasanter to eat wafer biscuits +than muffins, the Bishop obliged once more with a recital of his +adventures on that distant day in the summer term. + +There were several comments when he had finished. The only one worth +recording is Reece's. + +Reece said it distinctly reminded him of a thing which had happened to +a friend of a chap his brother had known at Sandhurst. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Prefect's Uncle, by P. G. Wodehouse + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PREFECT'S UNCLE *** + +This file should be named pfect10.txt or pfect10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, pfect11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, pfect10a.txt + +This eBook was produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our eBooks one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, +even years after the official publication date. + +Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg eBooks is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our Web sites at: +http://gutenberg.net or +http://promo.net/pg + +These Web sites include award-winning information about Project +Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new +eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). + + +Those of you who want to download any eBook before announcement +can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03 or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03 + +Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any eBook selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour in 2002 as we release over 100 new text +files per month: 1240 more eBooks in 2001 for a total of 4000+ +We are already on our way to trying for 2000 more eBooks in 2002 +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +will reach over half a trillion eBooks given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away 1 Trillion eBooks! +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +Here is the briefest record of our progress (* means estimated): + +eBooks Year Month + + 1 1971 July + 10 1991 January + 100 1994 January + 1000 1997 August + 1500 1998 October + 2000 1999 December + 2500 2000 December + 3000 2001 November + 4000 2001 October/November + 6000 2002 December* + 9000 2003 November* +10000 2004 January* + + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created +to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +As of February, 2002, contributions are being solicited from people +and organizations in: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, +Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, +Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, +Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New +Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, +Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South +Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West +Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. + +We have filed in all 50 states now, but these are the only ones +that have responded. + +As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list +will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. +Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. + +In answer to various questions we have received on this: + +We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally +request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and +you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, +just ask. + +While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are +not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting +donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to +donate. + +International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about +how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made +deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are +ways. + +Donations by check or money order may be sent to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Ave. +Oxford, MS 38655-4109 + +Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment +method other than by check or money order. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by +the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN +[Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are +tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fund-raising +requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be +made and fund-raising will begin in the additional states. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information online at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, +you can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> + +Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. + +We would prefer to send you information by email. + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this eBook, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you may distribute copies of this eBook if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS EBOOK +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +eBook, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this eBook by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this eBook on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM EBOOKS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBooks, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this eBook +under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these eBooks, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's eBooks and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other eBook medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may +receive this eBook from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook) disclaims +all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this eBook within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS EBOOK IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE EBOOK OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, +and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated +with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including +legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the +following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this eBook, +[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the eBook, +or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this eBook electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + eBook or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this eBook in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The eBook, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The eBook may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the eBook (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + eBook in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the eBook refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of +public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed +in machine readable form. + +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. +Money should be paid to the: +"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +[Portions of this eBook's header and trailer may be reprinted only +when distributed free of all fees. Copyright (C) 2001, 2002 by +Michael S. Hart. Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be +used in any sales of Project Gutenberg eBooks or other materials be +they hardware or software or any other related product without +express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS*Ver.02/11/02*END* + diff --git a/old/pfect10.zip b/old/pfect10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0c9316b --- /dev/null +++ b/old/pfect10.zip |