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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of Go she must!, by David Garnett
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: Go she must!
-
-Author: David Garnett
-
-Release Date: January 16, 2023 [eBook #69813]
-
-Language: English
-
-Produced by: Steve Mattern, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed
- Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GO SHE MUST! ***
-
-
-
-
-
- DAVID GARNETT
-
- GO SHE MUST!
-
- [Illustration]
-
- ALFRED·A·KNOPF: NEW YORK
-
- MCMXXVII
-
-
-
-
- COPYRIGHT 1927, BY ALFRED A. KNOPF, INC.
-
- MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
-
-
-
-
- TO
- STEPHEN TOMLIN
-
-
-
-
-CONTENTS
-
-
- ONE: BIRDS IN THE SNOW 3
-
- TWO: PLOUGH MONDAY 16
-
- THREE: SOTHEBY’S SHOP 31
-
- FOUR: THE TRAPEZE BOY 45
-
- FIVE: THE FROST HELD 60
-
- SIX: WINGED SEEDS 77
-
- SEVEN: THE BURNT FARM 90
-
- EIGHT: WILLOW-PATTERN PARIS 105
-
- NINE: BIRTHDAY TEA 121
-
- TEN: NO GOOD-BYES 134
-
- ELEVEN: BEFORE THE SWALLOW DARES 150
-
- TWELVE: RICHARD’S FRIENDS 165
-
- THIRTEEN: PARIS 179
-
- FOURTEEN: A REMOVAL 192
-
- FIFTEEN: HONEYMOONING 213
-
- SIXTEEN: ANGELS 228
-
-
-
-
-GO SHE MUST!
-
-
-
-
-ONE: BIRDS IN THE SNOW
-
-
-Snow lay thick over everything on the morning of the second Monday in
-the year, and the Reverend Charles Dunnock, drawing back the curtains
-of his bedroom window, said to himself that if the great sycamore full
-of rooks’ nests in the churchyard were to fall, or even if a steeple
-were to be built for the little church of Dry Coulter, such changes
-would not alter the landscape so much as this snowstorm had done.
-Buried under three inches of snow the country was recognizable, but
-wholly transformed, and he asked himself how it was that a uniform
-colouring should make a totally new world yet one which was composed of
-familiar objects in their accustomed places.
-
-Indifferent to the cold, he gazed out of his bedroom window enchanted
-by the beauty of the scene, and then, as he caught a glimpse of the
-first horizontal beams of the sun falling on Nature’s wedding-cake,
-he told himself that even the dullest witted of his dissenting
-parishioners would feel compelled to cry out: “This is like Heaven! I
-could fancy myself dead, and this Eternity!”
-
-“Yes”--he reflected--“all men must feel it, for that conceit is helped
-out by the extraordinary stillness, the footfalls of man and bird and
-beast are muffled, and the world seems empty. Nobody is stirring, for
-there is nothing like a heavy fall of snow to keep people by their
-firesides. Only the postman and the milkman go their rounds”; and while
-he was dressing he heard their sudden knocks at the back door, with no
-warning crunch of gravel, or sound of the gate slamming in the yard.
-
-“Their fidelity,” he said to himself, “is like that of the clocks
-striking the hours when there is death in the house”--for Mrs. Dunnock
-had died exactly a year before, and her death was always in his mind.
-His bedroom had been her bedroom, though only for a few months, for she
-had died soon after her husband had been presented with a living, and
-since her death he slept alone in the great bed where she had waited so
-often for him to come up from his study, and where he had always found
-her with her soft hair spread like a bird’s wing over the pillow, and
-in which she had died.
-
-“The clocks strike the hours in the moments of our greatest sorrow,” he
-said to himself. “Nothing will keep them from the punctual discharge
-of their duty, and listening to them we are recalled to this life,
-we shoulder our burdens once more, we begin ticking again ourselves,
-ticking away our ordinary lives.”
-
-He went to the looking-glass hanging over _her_ dressing-table and
-began to comb his beard, then, looking once more out of the window,
-watched two men pass by, leading a horse along the road to be roughed
-at the blacksmith’s, a slow business, for one of the men had to throw
-down sacks every few yards for it to step on, wherever the blizzard had
-whirled away the snow and left a polished slide of ice.
-
-At a few minutes before nine he sat down to the breakfast table and
-took the cup of tea that his daughter poured out for him; then, hearing
-a shout, both Anne and he turned to the window and caught sight of a
-red muffler flying in the wind, and a thrown snowball, but when the
-children had passed, running on their way to school, all was silence,
-for Mr. Dunnock had turned to read a circular which the postman had
-brought that morning.
-
-“Evangelicals! Evangelicals!” he muttered angrily, for he was a
-ritualist; a last flicker of the Oxford Movement had filled his life
-with poetry. Then he pushed away the newspaper, and, taking some bread
-for the birds, he rose from the breakfast table and went to the front
-door.
-
-The world outside was dazzling, and the snow lay piled up deep before
-the sill. Mr. Dunnock peered out, not daring to step in the snow in his
-carpet slippers. He listened: not a sound; he looked and marked the
-roofs which yesterday were but the edges of a row of tiles, to-day as
-thick as thatch--like Christmas cards. “And here’s a robin,” he said,
-“waiting for me to throw him some of the bread.” He threw a piece which
-was lost in the snow. “A wedding-cake! How strange it is to reflect
-that Anne is older now than her mother when I married her! Yes, the
-world is become a wedding-cake. Something very strange has happened,
-and who knows what will be the end of it? for it has begun to snow
-again, and the rare flakes drift slowly to the ground like feathers
-from the angels’ wings. Are they moulting up there? Or has Satan got
-among them like a black cat which has climbed through the wire netting
-into the dove loft?”
-
-Mr. Dunnock fetched a piece of cardboard from his study to serve as a
-table for the birds, and dropped it a few feet away on to the snow,
-then, crumbling the bread in his fingers, he threw the birds their
-breakfast. Some of the crumbs fell on each side into the snow and were
-lost.
-
-“Here they come,” he said to himself, for bright eyes had been watching
-him from every tree and bush.
-
-The birds fluttered nearer, eyeing the crumbs spread out for them, and
-then looking sideways at the tall, bearded man standing in the doorway.
-Their fear was speedily forgotten, for the clergyman made it his habit
-to feed them every morning, and soon the cardboard table was covered
-with sparrows, robins, blackbirds, and thrushes, all of them flashing
-their wings, bickering and scrambling for the finest crumbs like a
-flock of bantams. And having been successful, one would often fly off
-with a piece in his bill, which he wished to devour in solitude.
-
-Anne Dunnock remained at the breakfast table, for she had only just
-finished the kipper on her plate. “The labourers will not go to work
-in the fields on such a day as this,” she said to herself. “And not
-a woman will venture out except me, for women’s boots are generally
-leaky, and their skirts flap wet against their calves. With a frost
-like this there should be skating, but the snow will have spoilt the
-ice, even if it were swept.” She finished a piece of toast and rose
-from the table to clear away the breakfast. The loaf was a pitiful
-object, only a shell of crust, with all of the inside scooped out.
-
-“Another loaf gone,” she said to herself. “We always have stale crusts,
-yet I am sure the birds would eat them as readily as they do the crumb,
-and crusts are so nasty in bread-and-butter pudding.”
-
-Mr. Dunnock continued watching the birds, and the draught from the open
-front door made his daughter shiver. “Birds! Birds! I should like to
-wear a bird in my hat.”
-
-She was a tall girl, beautiful, with a small pale face, and
-straw-coloured hair, hair which would not stay up; wherever she went
-she scattered hairpins. She was still in mourning for her mother’s
-death, and her long black dress fitted her badly, hindering her
-impatient movements, and giving her the look of a converted savage
-dressed in a missionary’s night-gown.
-
-“Father is feeding the birds. He never forgets them, and here am I
-grudging them the crumb of the loaf. But housekeeping would have made
-Saint Francis uncharitable, though Saint Francis would not have said he
-wanted a bird for his hat.”
-
-The marmalade, the cruet, the silver toast rack, all were put away into
-the mahogany sideboard, the tablecloth was brushed, and holding the
-little wooden tray full of crumbs, she went out into the hall, where
-her father still stood at the open door, and then leaning over his
-shoulder she shook the crumbs out on to the snow, and, scared by her
-sudden gesture, the birds flew off.
-
-“Oh, Anne, how stupid and inconsiderate you are!” exclaimed her father,
-angrily. “How little imagination you have. Don’t you understand that
-when you wave anything suddenly like that you frighten them? There was
-such a fine missel-thrush too. He is not regular, and though the other
-birds will soon come back, he will be discouraged. It is most vexing.”
-Now that Mr. Dunnock had lost his congregation (a far larger one than
-had ever attended a Communion service at Dry Coulter Church), he shut
-the door, shaking his head irritably, then he put his beard in his
-mouth, as if that were the best way to stifle his anger, and went into
-his study.
-
-The book he took up fell from his hands before he had turned the second
-or third page, for he had not the intellect nor the determination to
-be a scholar. A beautiful word always set his mind chasing a beautiful
-picture; his thoughts clouded over with dreams, and he remained lost in
-meditation. When he came to himself it was to sink on to his knees in
-prayer, for he was a shy man, unable to express himself to men, and
-for that reason much given to communing with God.
-
-For twenty years he had been a poor curate at a church in the shadow
-of Ely Cathedral, but he had not been popular: he was indifferent to
-the things which were important to his fellow clergy, and his mystical
-love of ritual had found no sympathizers, until at last the Bishop took
-pity on him, and gave him a small living in a district in the fens. His
-growing uncertainty of temper, combined with a sort of hopeless oddity,
-had begun to make him a nuisance, and some provision had to be made.
-
-At Ely the Church is taken seriously: it is a great power, and on
-taking up his new position, Mr. Dunnock was shocked to find it
-completely disregarded, for the inhabitants of Dry Coulter are
-Nonconformists. Even with the few who belonged to the church, he was
-not a success. His sermons were incomprehensible, yet they might have
-passed unnoticed if he had not affected a cassock and a biretta, if he
-had not placed a crucifix on the Communion table and called a blessing
-on the houses of the sick before he entered them. As vicar Mr. Dunnock
-was a failure, and within less than a year he was regarded with far
-greater contempt than is usually extended to the clergy. Yet he was
-not a disappointed man, for he had never been ambitious of success,
-and had never imagined that he might be popular. He knew that it was
-too late in his life for him to make any effort; he was disinclined
-to exert himself with his parishioners, and avoiding them as far as
-he could, he was not unhappy. He had grown lazy, too, and now that it
-was in his power, he neglected to hold the innumerable little services
-which as a curate he had longed to celebrate.
-
-If his wife had lived he might perhaps have exerted himself, but
-he knew that Anne did not share his emotions, and soon the special
-days were passed over, and Mr. Dunnock remained sunk in melancholy.
-Sometimes his conscience pricked him; then he shut himself up in his
-room and remained for hours in prayer.
-
-“Damn the missel-thrush!” thought his daughter. “But father is always
-irritable on Mondays; I have noticed it before. Life indeed would be
-intolerable if it were not for the house. I have everything to make me
-unhappy, but I love this house. Dear old Noah’s ark.”
-
-She went upstairs, where Maggie was waiting for her to help in making
-the beds. Maggie Pattle was a girl of seventeen, who lived out with her
-mother, and let herself into the vicarage early every morning, for she
-was the only servant and came in by the day. Shorter than Anne, she
-was fully twice as broad, a well-nourished girl, who would eat a pound
-of sausages or of bacon at a sitting, washing it down with vinegar, and
-her red cheeks shone with health.
-
-Anne often thought that if only Maggie had come from another village
-she would have made an excellent servant; all her sluttish ways came
-from her mother’s being just round the corner; she had only to slip
-down the vicarage garden and through a hole in the hedge to be at home.
-The cottage was so small, and Mrs. Pattle and her family so large, that
-Anne thought of the old woman who lived in a shoe whenever she looked
-at it; though Mrs. Pattle never seemed in any doubt what to do. She
-knew when to slap a child, and when only to swear at it.
-
-No doubt she was a good mother, resembling very much one of the huge
-sows which sometimes wandered over the village green in front of her
-cottage--a sow whose steps were followed by a sounder of little porkers
-trotting about in all directions. What if she did chastise one, or
-even gobble it up? One would not be missed.... No, indeed, for how did
-it come about that Mrs. Pattle had three children that all seemed to
-be between two and three years old, yet none of them twins? Was one
-of them Maggie’s? Anne thought not, but it was difficult to be sure,
-and if the matter were not settled soon she would never know; on such
-points the Pattles’ memories were not trustworthy. Yes, they were a
-slipshod family, though not exactly what one would call an immoral
-one....
-
-Yet, though Anne despised Maggie for her sluttishness and
-untruthfulness, in some ways she admired her. Maggie was a good girl,
-she did what she was told, had a passion for washing floors, and was
-not a bad cook. Then she would go anywhere at any time, and do anything
-for anybody to oblige. Mrs. Pattle’s cottage was crawling with babies,
-could one of them be the fruit of this cheery good-nature?
-
-But if Anne admired the way Maggie scrubbed the scullery floor, she
-felt envy when she saw her sauntering along the lanes with her hands in
-her pockets, whistling like a ploughboy, and stopping to speak to every
-person she met on the road. Did she envy Maggie only because she had so
-many friends, or was it partly because she knew all the boys and the
-young men, and went in the grove in the evenings, coming out with her
-cheeks no redder than they were by nature?
-
-Why was it, Anne asked herself, that she could not whistle as she
-walked along in her long black dress and her black straw hat? She
-had no friends to talk to except the village people, and she could
-only visit them if they were ill, or in trouble. That, and watching
-her father feed the birds, was not enough to fill her life. She read,
-and when the young carters went ploughing she laid aside her book to
-watch them as they passed the house, sitting sideways on their great
-horses. Anne liked the way men whistled, and their deep voices as
-they spoke to the cart-horses drinking at the pond, voices so full of
-restraint and kindliness. There was no way for her to speak to these
-young men who looked so cheerful as they went by to work in their rough
-clothes, though sometimes, when she was out on a long walk and was far
-from home, she had tried to get into conversation with a young farmer
-leaning over a gate, or with a gamekeeper idling along the edge of a
-wood, his black and white spaniel at his heels.
-
-But the beds had to be made, and since she liked to sleep in a big
-four-poster that they had found in the vicarage on their arrival, and
-her father also slept in a large bed, she helped Maggie to turn the
-mattresses.
-
-It takes two to make a bed properly, and with an unselfish companion
-who does not take more than her fair share of the sheets to tuck in on
-her side, it is pleasant work.
-
-How the mattress bends and coils on itself, somersaulting heavily like
-a whale, and how brave the great linen sheet looks as you turn it down!
-The last of the two beds was made, and they were tucking in the quilt
-when a strange sound came from outside the house--a confused noise of
-voices singing. Was it a hymn?
-
-“Whatever can that be, Maggie?” she asked.
-
-“That’s the carters come, Miss,” the girl answered. “It is Plough
-Monday to-day.”
-
-“What is Plough Monday?”
-
-Maggie could only stare at this question--she could not answer it,
-except by saying:
-
-“Well, they always keep Plough Monday round here, though not properly,
-like they used to do. They came to the gate last year, but I told them
-not to come singing with your mother lying ill.”
-
-“I shall go and see,” said Anne, and she ran across the landing
-from her bedroom, which faced the garden, into her father’s, which
-overlooked the road.
-
-
-
-
-TWO: PLOUGH MONDAY
-
-
-The sound of voices came again, men and boys singing, one out of tune
-with the others, but all ringing with the same fresh gaiety and purity
-through the frosty air, reminding the hearer of the sharp notes of
-the blacksmith’s hammer raining on the anvil, and giving him the same
-assurance that the very texture of man’s ordinary life is a beautiful
-and joyous fabric.
-
-This time Anne could hear the words of the song.
-
- One morning very early,
- The ploughboy he was seen
- All hastening to the stable
- His horses for to clean.
-
-She ran to the window and, looking out into the whiteness, she was
-blinded for the first moment by the sun shining on to the dazzling
-field of snow, but in the next instant she perceived three great
-chestnut horses standing just below her immediately in front of the
-door. They were harnessed to a plough, at the handles of which stood a
-labourer, whilst at the head of each of the horses was a young carter,
-and on the foremost of the horses were two little boys riding. It was
-the voices of these little boys which were so oddly out of tune.
-
-Anne was astonished to see them with their plough and horses so close
-to the doorstep, and was filled with a sense of strangeness even before
-she saw what was most strange about these visitors. That a plough
-should be standing so close to the house was strange, and even for the
-moment seemed to her shocking, for one of the horses was standing on
-a flower-bed, but this was nothing to the appearance of the men, for
-all of them had their faces blacked and their shoulders and their caps
-were white with snow. The black faces against the whiteness of the snow
-frightened her; for a moment she caught her breath with fear, which
-turned almost instantly to wonder and delight.
-
- With chaff and corn
- He did them bait,
- Their tails and manes
- He did comb straight.
-
-What was it? What was it? Something strange, something beautiful, the
-thing perhaps she had always wanted, and half guessed at, but which
-she had never before met face to face.
-
-The tune changed:
-
- Come all you lads and lasses
- See a gay ploughboy.
-
-Gay, yes, they were gay; the snow was falling, and the sun was shining,
-and they had blacked their faces and come to her doorstep, and one
-black face with an open pink mouth was looking up at her in the window.
-
- Please can you spare a halfpenny
- For an old ploughboy?
- A bit of bread and cheese
- Is better than nothing.
-
-The song was over; one of the young carters came to the door and gave
-a knock which echoed through the house. Anne started, woken from her
-rapt contemplation of the horses and the men, and still repeating under
-her breath: “Beautiful, they are beautiful!” she ran downstairs to open
-the door. Mr. Dunnock, however, was there before her, and from the hall
-she could see nothing of the men with their black faces, nor of the
-plough, nor the horses with their satin coats, their manes flecked with
-snow, and their tails twisted up in plaits of straw; her father’s back
-blocked the doorway, and she could hear his voice in anger.
-
-“That’s enough of this foolery. You should know better than to trample
-down the lawn and the flower-bed.”
-
- Give us a shilling and we shall be glad,
- Give us a penny and we shall go home,
-
-piped the two little boys from the horse’s back. “Please, Sir, it’s
-Plough Monday, we like to keep it up.”
-
-“I have nothing for you,” said her father. “I have quite enough
-deserving objects for my charity.” He shut the door, and found himself
-face to face with his daughter.
-
-“Some village clod-hoppers have come begging,” said the clergyman,
-throwing back his head and giving vent to a cough of irritation. “They
-actually brought three horses and a plough over the flower-beds and up
-to the door.”
-
-“They won’t have hurt the flower-beds, father, in this weather, with so
-much snow on the ground,” said Anne.
-
-“Perhaps not,” he answered, “but they have made a great mess of the
-snow in front of the house; besides I had wished to measure the
-footprints of the birds.”
-
-“You might have given them something, they seemed so jolly.”
-
-“Jolly?” Mr. Dunnock’s cough became almost a bark. “It is not my
-idea of jollity, nor I should have hoped yours, for yokels to black
-their faces in imitation of Christie minstrels, and come begging for
-money simply because they are given a day’s holiday on account of the
-weather.”
-
-“But, father, I think that it is an old custom, and that they expect to
-be given money.”
-
-Mr. Dunnock gazed at his daughter with real surprise.
-
-“I won’t hear of it. I most strongly disapprove. They may try other
-people. I am not going to be victimized, or imposed on. Old custom?
-Remember what the midshipman said in his letter to his mother: ‘Manners
-they have none, and their customs are beastly.’” The clergyman
-recovered himself sufficiently to laugh at his own joke, but when his
-daughter moved towards the door, he said angrily: “I forbid you to
-encourage them, Anne; the incident is closed and I have sent them away.”
-
-The local Christie minstrels, however, had not gone away, and as Mr.
-Dunnock spoke a loud knock resounded on the door.
-
-“You had better go upstairs, Anne. Kindly leave me to deal with them.”
-
-Anne ran upstairs, trembling with rage, and rushed into her father’s
-bedroom, where, by looking out of window, she was able to see what was
-going on and overhear most of what was being said.
-
-When Mr. Dunnock opened the door he found all the ploughmen gathered in
-a group on the doorstep.
-
-“It’s Plough Monday, Sir, and we have come to keep it, and ask you for
-a piece of money for our song.”
-
-“I have told you already to go away,” said the clergyman, coughing with
-exasperation. “I don’t give money to beggars.”
-
-There was a silence, then one of the young men at the back laughed
-and said: “He doesn’t tumble to it; tell the parson that it is Plough
-Monday.”
-
-“Where would you be if there weren’t no ploughmen, or no ploughing
-done?” asked the spokesman of the group. “You wouldn’t get no tithes if
-it weren’t for the plough.”
-
-There was a chorus of approval at that.
-
-“No, that you wouldn’t!”
-
-“He can’t answer that, Fred.”
-
-They shouted, but at the word _tithes_ Mr. Dunnock had slammed the
-door in their faces. The ploughmen knocked again, and for some minutes
-the sound echoed through every room in the house. Anne could see that
-they were puzzled, and in some doubt what to do next. One or two of
-them were laughing, another scratched his head while he said: “Called
-us beggars, did he? Reckon we work as hard as he.” Presently they
-retreated to one corner of the garden and remained talking together for
-some little while, until Maggie appeared from round the corner of the
-kitchen and called out to them.
-
-“You had best go away,” she said. “The parson he says you are a lot
-of lazy louts. I heard him. He won’t give you naught. You won’t get
-nothing if you do plough his doorstep up.” The ploughmen did not answer
-her, nor did they appear to pay any attention to her words, but slowly
-went back to their horses’ heads. “What must be, must be,” said the
-oldest of the company, laying hold of the handles of the plough. “I’ld
-as lief keep the custom. Come on, boys!” he shouted. At these words
-Anne could see that they all suddenly recovered their good humour, and
-a moment after they began joking among themselves.
-
-“Parson will have to wipe his feet on his mat before we have done with
-him,” said one lad.
-
-“There won’t be anyone shy of paying us our pennies after this,” added
-another.
-
-“Let him preach what sermon he likes next Sunday; there won’t be no one
-but his daughter and our Maggie to hear him swearing.”
-
-“Hey, my beauties!” shouted the ploughman at the handles.
-
-The great horses strained and began to move; the young carters at their
-heads shouted and led the team in a wide circle across the untouched
-snowfield which was the lawn; the plough sidled and circled through the
-snow, and the men began arguing with the horses.
-
-“Hold back, can’t you!”
-
-“Steady there, whoa.”
-
-At last, after one horse had nearly put its head through the window of
-Mr. Dunnock’s study, and another had trampled down a rose bush, the
-plough was got into position at the far corner of the house. After
-that they all waited while the ploughman left the handles and began to
-hammer at part of his plough.
-
-The fear which Anne had felt when she first looked out returned to her,
-and the sense of strangeness persisted. Was she waking or dreaming, was
-she afraid or was she glad? Suddenly she heard Maggie’s voice saying in
-excited tones:
-
-“You are never going to plough up Mr. Dunnock’s doorstep!” and hearing
-these words Anne began to tremble.
-
-At last the ploughman straightened his back and said:
-
-“Calls us idle beggars, does he? And too busy to speak with us; we’ll
-mark Plough Monday in his prayer-book. Get up there....”
-
-The horses strained, and the plough sank through the snow into the
-soft earth of a flower-bed, the traces tightened and the three horses
-pulled; a wrinkle or two showed itself in their haunches, and the share
-of the plough threw up a broad streak of raw earth.
-
-“Steady, boys, steady by the doorstep,” called the ploughman, and the
-carters edged the horses nearer in to the wall of the house. In a
-moment the plough reached the door, and Anne, gazing down from above,
-saw the flagstone lift and topple, while the plough ran swiftly on, and
-the earth streamed out upon the snow.
-
-“I must stop them,” she whispered, but she did not move, or take her
-eyes off the scene. Watching from above, the girl was fascinated
-and horrified by every detail; the swift and irresistible progress
-of the hidden ploughshare running through the earth delighted her;
-the strength of the three stalwart Suffolk Punches, and the lean,
-sinewy wrists of the ploughman guiding the handles, and the gay young
-men, all thrilled her. While watching, she could not have told what
-were her emotions: yet she knew that the scene was beautiful, the
-plough slipping so easily in the rich earth had the grace and lissom
-strength of a snake. Once again the horses turned, sweeping down and
-halting beside the hedge of laurel, and there was another pause while
-the plough was got into position, and then the team swept round and
-strained forward again to cut the second furrow, and, that finished, to
-draw the plough out into the roadway in front of the vicarage, while
-the ploughman threw the handles on one side and held them down so that
-the share skidded through the snow over the grass.
-
-The men did not call out, nor even appear to speak or to laugh among
-themselves; having cut their two furrows, they went away swiftly,
-pausing only for a moment on the road to adjust the ploughshare, and
-then hurrying on to sing their songs under other windows.
-
-Only when the plough had turned the corner of the lane and the last
-of the horses’ heads had vanished down the avenue of elm trees, did
-Anne Dunnock leave her position at the window, and only then did she
-burst into a flood of tears. “I cannot live after such an insult,”
-she said to herself. “How could they do such a thing to our house? But
-why is it that it seemed to me so beautiful as well as so cruel?” and
-as she asked herself this question she noticed that though she had
-dried her tears her hands were still trembling. “The lawn of virgin
-snow has been torn up by the plough, the naked earth exposed, and the
-garden trampled over by the iron shoes of the horses and the hobnails
-of the labourers,” she said. “And our doorstep has been overturned; my
-father’s fault, for he was in the wrong. I feel now as if I could never
-forgive him for bringing this shame on us, yet if it had not been him
-it might have been me, for the same fault of character is in both of
-us. We are rejected everywhere, unable to share in the life around us,
-or to understand it. Enid taught me that at Ely, but to-day it has been
-recognized by the ploughmen, and this broad gash in the earth and the
-uprooted doorstep proclaim it to our neighbours. I shall never dare
-show my face in the village after this.”
-
-So saying, Anne Dunnock found herself sobbing again. “This is too
-silly,” she told herself, yet the tears continued to flow, until she
-gave up resisting them and lay down on the bed in her own room. She
-thought of Enid, to whom she had written so many poems and so many
-passionate letters, only to discover that they had been shown to all
-the girls in the school, that they had been borrowed and read aloud in
-every bathroom where there were girls talking before going to bed. “I
-could have killed Enid; she made all the girls in Ely think that I was
-perfectly ridiculous.” And all the bitter experiences of her life came
-back into her mind and were confused with her present unhappiness.
-
-“Why should we suffer from this?” she asked herself, after a few
-moments of weeping. “For I know father suffers from it as much as I
-do, though he has never spoken of it to me, and perhaps not even to
-himself. Is it because he is a clergyman, or is it because we are in
-some way superior, cleverer, or better than our neighbours? No,” she
-answered herself, “it cannot be that, for though I am intelligent,
-perhaps even remarkably intelligent, father is terribly stupid. In fact
-he is almost deficient in some respects, and I am sure neither he nor I
-are superior morally. We are both too emotional and too ready to lose
-our tempers. All our troubles spring from the fact that father is a
-clergyman, for whether they recognize it or not, ordinary people have
-a contempt for the clergy, and clergymen are always ill at ease with
-their fellow men. Thank God father isn’t one of the hearty sort; in
-his own way he is an honest man and a religious one, but he has ruined
-my life. It is Ibsen’s _Ghosts_ over again,” for Anne had been reading
-Ibsen lately. Then a phrase from another book she had been reading, De
-Quincey’s _Opium-eater_, came into her mind: “Unwinding the accursed
-chain.”
-
-“How can I unwind the accursed chain?” she asked herself. “I must begin
-soon, for I am twenty-three, and the best part of my life is gone.”
-
-“It is no good crying over spilt milk,” she said, and went on: “At all
-events I am glad that they did not go away when father told them to
-go; I am glad that they tore up our garden with that narrow snake-like
-plough wobbling a little as it ran through the earth. I am glad of it,
-though I shall find it hard to face our neighbours after this, for they
-will have changed. Everyone will know of our disgrace.”
-
-She rose from her bed and tidied her hair before the glass; as usual
-all the hairpins had fallen. Then turning to the window she looked out
-over the untouched snowfield at the back of the house where not even a
-dog had run as yet. Everything was covered, even the winter jessamine
-on the summer-house was concealed, and the black poplars beyond the
-pond had every twig laden with snow.
-
-“All will be forgotten as soon as the snows are melted,” she said to
-herself suddenly, with the certainty that her words were true. “All my
-emotion is nonsense. To me everything seems changed, but it is only
-a joke to the carters; they will laugh about it over a pint of beer
-to-day, but in a week’s time they will have forgotten it; the fact that
-some dog has killed a rat will seem more important. My life is not
-changed: to-morrow the mason will come to lay the doorstep in its old
-place, and I shall say: ‘It’s a fine day,’ when I go to the grocer’s
-shop, and: ‘Very seasonable weather,’ when I take the loaves from the
-baker. That is the nearest that I shall ever get to contact with my
-fellows; why should they care how we live, what we do, or whether we
-disgrace ourselves or not? We mean nothing to them.”
-
-And Anne Dunnock, who only a few moments before had been weeping
-because the world was changed, began suddenly to weep again because it
-appeared to her that it had not changed and that it would always remain
-the same. This time the tears were not so readily checked, for one tear
-brings the next after it, and Anne remained hidden in her bedroom until
-Maggie knocked at the door to say that lunch was on the table. But by
-then she herself had forgotten what had so much moved her less than
-two hours before, for she had taken up _Peer Gynt_, and as she went
-downstairs she was thinking not of the carters with their black faces
-and the snow on their caps, but of the trolls.
-
-
-
-
-THREE: SOTHEBY’S SHOP
-
-
-In the night the wind changed to the west and rain fell, so that by
-morning the snow was gone from the grass, and only lingered in a few
-places, on the roads and on the bare earth of the kitchen garden,
-and the rain which thawed the snow washed away the memory of Plough
-Monday, thus bringing to pass what Anne had fancied sooner than she had
-expected.
-
-She no longer felt ashamed to go into the village, and as for her
-father, half an hour after the event he had forgotten his irritation in
-watching the starlings searching for worms in the loose earth thrown up
-by the plough.
-
-After breakfast, old Noah, the gardener, busied himself in filling in
-the furrow, and old Simmonds, who called himself a builder and fencing
-contractor, came round and, after mixing a little mortar on a board,
-laid the doorstep back, only a trifle askew, in its old place.
-
-“There’s your doorstep, Miss,” he said, straightening his back as Anne
-opened the front door and stood on the threshold prepared for walking.
-“There’s your doorstep; no one will ever shift that again.”
-
-Simmonds was right, for Anne lacked the courage to tell him to take it
-up and set it straight.
-
-“May I step on it?” she asked.
-
-“Ay, he’ll bear your weight, Miss,” said the old man blinking, and to
-prove his words he stepped on to the doorstep himself, blocking her
-path while he stamped once or twice with his hobnailed boots.
-
-“Is that firm enough for you, Miss?” he asked, speaking with melancholy
-pride, and then standing aside for her to walk on it herself.
-
-“Yes, that seems all right, Simmonds,” she said, stepping on to the
-stone, and was aware as she spoke that her words were meaningless, for
-why should the old man be so proud of the force of gravity which kept
-the doorstep where it lay? Why should she have to give him credit for
-it?
-
-“I was going to speak to your father, Miss, about the sills,” said
-Simmonds.
-
-“About what?”
-
-“It’s a long time since they were painted, and the wood is perishing. I
-thought perhaps your father might like me to estimate for them.”
-
-Anne frowned; the question of the sills annoyed her, but she could not
-escape until she had looked at them.
-
-Simmonds was right--the paint on the window-sills had cracked into
-hundreds of little grey lichenous cups.
-
-“I’ll speak to him about it,” she said. “We must have it done one day.”
-
-The elm trees were so beautiful; it was because of the elms that she
-loved Dry Coulter. Soon the spring would come, soon the snowdrops would
-cluster thickly under the garden walls, and every day that passed
-improved the quality of the birds’ song.
-
-“There is no prison so terrible as beauty,” she said suddenly to
-herself. “I love the seasons, the beauty of the village, the clouds,
-and the tall groves of elms standing round the green. I love our
-orchard with its old apple trees, and the pears; I dream in the winter
-of what the crop will be in the following autumn, fearing that the
-bullfinches will take the buds, or the blossom be cut down by a late
-frost, yet time is flying--and while my blood runs fast as it does now
-I must walk demurely like the old woman that I shall so soon become.
-Yes, I shall be old before I am free to live as I should like. Shall
-I ever go to the opera? A cheap seat would do--I cannot expect a box,
-or emeralds, but one can hear as well from the gallery, and it is
-the music that I want to hear. Shall I escape one day? Shall I go to
-London?”
-
-Then it came into her mind that perhaps even if she went to London,
-even if she got to know interesting men (and such beings must exist),
-even if she went to the opera with them, she might still feel herself
-a prisoner, and that perhaps the most that one can do in life is to
-exchange one sort of beauty for another; the beauty of the apple trees
-for the beauty of music.
-
-“Yes, there is no prison so terrible as beauty,” she said again, and
-added immediately: “Now I must go to the grocer’s,” and though she
-disliked the grocer himself, she smiled with pleasure at the thought
-that she might see his little daughter Rachel.
-
-“_Emmanuel Sotheby, Grocer and Provision Merchant_” was painted over
-the little shop with its windows filled with bars of soap, packets of
-starch, clay pipes, and walnuts, for Sotheby dealt in everything, and
-though the shop was small, the stock was large. Sotheby always had
-what you wanted: calico, mustard, cotton, China tea, boot polish, even
-lamp chimneys. There was no shop so good as Sotheby’s in the nearest
-town: there was nothing better than Sotheby’s even in Ely, yet would
-he be able to provide her with drawing-pins? It was unlikely, almost
-impossible, and Anne determined not to mention them until she had made
-her other purchases; she would only speak of them just before she left
-the shop. In that way Mr. Sotheby would not feel that she had expected
-too much of him, or think that she was disappointed. With her hand on
-the latch, she said to herself: “I will not speak of the drawing-pins
-if there are other customers,” but the shop was empty, and the jangling
-bell brought Mrs. Sotheby out of an inner room. The grocer’s wife was
-a slender woman of fifty; her pale wrinkled face made her seem older,
-though her hair was still a beautiful brown, and when she smiled she
-showed two even rows of little pearly teeth. Mrs. Sotheby was always
-merry; whenever Anne came into the shop her brown eyes twinkled, or
-she broke into a low musical laugh, while her face crumpled itself up
-into all its wrinkles, her white teeth flashed, and her eyes almost
-vanished. Such a merry laugh greeted Anne that morning, and Mrs.
-Sotheby explained it by a reference to the events of the day before.
-
-“Good morning, Miss Dunnock, I have been hearing such dreadful things
-all yesterday about the ploughmen. I am afraid they must have upset
-your father, but you must not take any notice of them. It is all
-foolishness, and I don’t know what the men can have been thinking of,
-but, of course, it is an old custom and they like keeping it on that
-account. You know men are just like boys about anything like that, but
-they did not mean to be disrespectful or unneighbourly, I’m sure. Your
-father is still rather a stranger here; I expect he did not understand
-their ways.”
-
-At Mrs. Sotheby’s words Anne started, all her shame came back to her
-suddenly, but she saw that she must answer. A lump came in her throat,
-and her mouth trembled as she said:
-
-“No, neither father nor I had ever heard of Plough Monday. It was
-entirely my father’s fault: he is sometimes impatient when he is
-disturbed reading.”
-
-“It was very foolish of the men,” said Mrs. Sotheby. “And they should
-feel ashamed of themselves, but directly I heard of it I knew there was
-a misunderstanding of some sort. It happens so easily, only I thought
-I would speak of it, because you know it is an old custom, and the men
-are proud of keeping it here, so you must make allowances for them.”
-
-The kindliness of these words was more than Anne could bear. “Thank
-you, thank you so much,” she cried, and suddenly she found that her
-tears would flow--she could not keep them back, though she shook her
-head angrily, and as she did so a couple of hairpins dropped on to the
-floor.
-
-At that moment a shadow passed in front of the windows; there was the
-sound of wheels, and a horse being pulled up short in front of the shop.
-
-Anne looked about her wildly, but Mrs. Sotheby had lifted a flap of the
-counter and was saying:
-
-“Come into our parlour and sit down for a little while, Miss Dunnock;
-it was foolish of me to speak, but I never guessed you would have taken
-such nonsense to heart. If one were to pay attention to half the silly
-things men do, our lives would not be worth living.”
-
-Anne followed Mrs. Sotheby through the shop into a little room, with
-a coal fire burning in the grate. She sat down in the armchair pushed
-forward for her, while the grocer’s wife hurried back into the shop,
-summoned by the jangling bell. For a little while Anne was overcome
-with mortification at finding herself in the grocer’s parlour and
-wondered how she could have so disgraced herself.
-
-Why, if she must cry every morning (and it seemed to have become a
-habit), could she not retire to her own room and weep in solitude?
-But after a few moments of humiliation the thought came into her mind
-that at last she had disgraced herself finally and for ever, and this
-reflection was a consolation to her.
-
-“I cannot undo this. If I were to steal out of the back door without
-Mrs. Sotheby hearing me, it would make no difference. I have shown her
-my feelings; I have burst into tears in her shop; I cannot pretend to
-have any dignity after this.”
-
-Anne dried the last of her tears, reflecting that it was exciting
-to have made a fool of herself, and that if she had not lost her
-self-control she would never have been asked into that parlour. Then,
-taking off her hat, she began tidying her hair and looking about her.
-
-The room she was in was small and richly furnished with uncomfortable
-armchairs, upholstered in dark red plush; there was a table covered
-with a red cloth, which had a fringe of little balls; a slowly
-ticking clock stood on the mantelpiece; on a small table, before the
-window, stood a large green pot containing an arum lily with one leaf
-half-unfurled and a white bud showing; from the curtain rod hung a wire
-cage full of maidenhair ferns. On the walls were photographs: Mr. and
-Mrs. Sotheby on their wedding day, a plump and rather ugly young woman,
-the Tower Bridge with a ship going through it, and a boy with pomatum
-on his hair. Then, turning her head, Anne saw a large photograph
-hanging just behind her.
-
-“What a strange face!” for the young man certainly had a strange face,
-and was wearing an odd little round cap, almost like a skull-cap, with
-a tiny tail sticking up in the middle; his throat was bare, with no
-sign of a collar or tie, or even of a shirt. A cigarette was hanging
-out of the corner of his mouth, but the strangest thing was not the
-cap, but the face, or rather the expression of the face, for the
-features themselves were vaguely familiar. The young man was laughing,
-but there was a look of careless contempt, almost of insolence, which
-Anne very much disliked. The nose was long and straight, and rather
-foxy, the eyes mere slits set wide apart; the forehead was broad
-and large, but the chin feeble. “Good gracious me!” exclaimed Anne,
-noticing that in one ear there was a little earring. “A man wearing
-an earring! How extraordinary!” She gazed at the photograph for some
-time, taking in every detail of the face. Certainly there was something
-disagreeable in the expression; the laughter was untrustworthy and
-heartless; he was laughing at other people, not sharing his laughter
-with them.
-
-But the customer was staying a long while in the shop, and, becoming
-impatient, she went to the door and listened. The voice she heard was
-that of Mr. Lambert, a young farmer, whom Anne knew since he attended
-church (he was a churchwarden), and once he had stopped her in the road
-and told her that she should go riding.
-
-To Anne his remark had seemed ridiculous, since he must know well
-enough that they were too poor to keep a hack for her use, and he could
-not have meant that he had one for her to ride.
-
-If he had wished to say: “If you get the habit, I’ll mount you on one
-of my horses,” why hadn’t he said so? He could not have intended that,
-and even if he had, what would she have answered? What did he expect in
-return? That she should go riding with him? She smiled at the thought:
-Mr. Lambert’s company might not be so bad, but she would not care for
-it if she were under an obligation to him. If she killed his horse in
-taking a fence ... that would be awkward! And if he met a girl whom he
-liked better as a companion on his rides--in that case she would be
-left with the habit on her hands. Her father would never allow such a
-thing; think of the gossip there would be!
-
-“Damn this place! Damn my father!” she said to herself, and listening
-to the farmer’s sharp, but very pleasant voice, and closing her eyes,
-she had for a moment the delicious sensation of the horse bounding
-under her, of patting its withers, listening to the creak of the
-saddle, and keeping her balance while she looked proudly over the level
-landscape of the fens.
-
-“I will, I will, I will,” she repeated to herself. “I will ride a
-horse once in my life. I will even if I get left with a riding habit.
-But I suppose that is the spirit which brings young girls to ruin.
-I can imagine how Maggie would say to herself: ‘I will let my head
-be turned by a man, even if I am left with a baby.’” Anne laughed at
-the comparison. “Silly thoughts.... They hurry me on to absurdities,
-and all because Mr. Lambert said something polite and meaningless to
-me, for it is politeness to assume that one can do whatever one likes
-without regard for money. But here am I laughing when I ought still
-to be sobbing, since I am still waiting for Mrs. Sotheby to come and
-console me. What shall I do? How on earth, by what false pretences, did
-I ever get into this cosy little room? If Mr. Lambert does not go away
-soon, I shall march into the shop, lift the flap in the counter and go
-away.”
-
-She listened then to the voices. “Very good, Mrs. Sotheby, you shall
-have the pig for scalding on Thursday, unless Mr. Sotheby sends me word
-to-morrow.”
-
-The bell of the shop tinkled; Mr. Lambert paused to add a last word,
-and Mrs. Sotheby answered him: “Well, if you say so, Mr. Lambert,” and
-Anne could hear her hand on the latch.
-
-“Well, I thought Mr. Lambert was never going. He had come to see Mr.
-Sotheby about carting sand, and really I didn’t know what to say to
-him. Now I have agreed to share a pig with him; let me know if you
-would like a leg of pork, or sausages, or one of my pork cheeses. My
-husband is so busy now; I hardly see him from morning till night; he is
-putting up some cottages at Linton, and his mind is far more on them
-than on the grocery business, so that I have quite as much as I can
-manage. I am really sorry that I undertook to scald the pig, but it
-was rather tempting. Still, however many pigs I scald, I shall never
-do half so much as Emmanuel does; he’s out every day of the week, and
-drives the round himself, and then he preaches twice every Sunday,
-here and in the Ebenezer Tabernacle at Wet Coulter. Mr. Lambert wanted
-to see him in a hurry, but I could not tell him where to find my
-husband. I cannot keep in my head half the things he is doing, and I
-have not yet been out to see the Linton cottages. Still, it keeps him
-in good spirits, and he is doing it for my boy. But I mustn’t keep you
-any longer now.” Mrs. Sotheby stopped speaking, she smiled, and added
-rather shyly: “You will come and chat with me sometimes, won’t you,
-Miss Dunnock?”
-
-Anne promised to come again soon, and spoke of the arum lily beginning
-to unfold its flower, and then, passing through into the shop, asked
-for curry powder and sultanas.
-
-When these had been given her, she hesitated, asking herself whether,
-after Mrs. Sotheby’s kindness, she could ask for drawing-pins. Perhaps
-Mr. Sotheby would fetch some from Linton, but at that moment she felt
-shy of asking a man who was building a row of cottages to execute her
-little commissions. She would wait until another day for that. But on
-the doorstep she paused:
-
-“Thank you for being so kind to me. I shall always come and talk to you
-if I am upset by anything.”
-
-The face behind the counter broke into hundreds of wrinkles, the little
-teeth shone, and a delighted laugh answered her. “Like pouring water
-out of a glass bottle,” thought Anne as she went out into the winter
-sunshine.
-
-There was happiness, who could doubt it? The secret of life was to
-be like the Sothebys, and to work as they did, absorbed in building
-cottages. Would she ever think the prospect of scalding a pig too
-tempting to be refused, if she were over-worked already?
-
-“Mr. Sotheby must be very enterprising,” she said to herself, trying
-to conquer her dislike for him, and forgot the grocer in gazing at the
-distant elms which bounded the far side of the village green a quarter
-of a mile away, for in the middle of the village was a long and lovely
-stretch of common pasture.
-
-But who was the boy for whom Mr. Sotheby worked so hard? And Anne
-remembered that Maggie Pattle had once told her that the Sothebys had a
-son. Why was it that she had imagined that he was dead? But it did not
-occur to her to connect him with the photograph in the parlour, for she
-was looking at the elm trees, and listening to the song of a thrush;
-then gazing at the roof of Lambert’s barn, bathed in sunlight, she felt
-her heart beating happily, and asked herself why had she felt beauty
-was a prison? She could be happy in that village for ever, for spring
-was coming, and the birds were singing.
-
-
-
-
-FOUR: THE TRAPEZE BOY
-
-
-A hard frost came early in February.
-
-“If this lasts,” said Mr. Dunnock eagerly, “we shall have skating the
-day after to-morrow,” but his face clouded quickly, and he put down
-his cup with a gesture of annoyance. The day after to-morrow would be
-Sunday.
-
-“We may be in for a long spell of frost,” said Anne, but, reminded of
-his duties, her father was not in the mood to be consoled. “A frost
-brings more suffering than you or I can quite realize, my dear,” he
-said severely. “Think of the poor, without the coal or the blankets to
-keep them warm; think of the seamen in the rigging of ships; think of
-the outcasts on the roads; think of the birds.”
-
-“Think of the polar bears,” said Anne under her breath, as her father
-rose from the table and scooped out the crumb of the loaf.
-
-“The trap ought to be here in ten minutes; I shall be back from Ely
-by the eight o’clock train,” he said, and with these words went to
-the front door where an impatient flock of sparrows was waiting his
-arrival.
-
-When the trap came, she went to the gate and watched her father drive
-away, wondering whether he would meet Enid in the street. “I am glad I
-am not going. Now the rest of the day is mine. Mine, and I am free to
-do whatever I choose!”
-
-The road was like iron; it rang under the pony’s hoofs, and Anne
-thought she had never seen a lovelier morning; the spell of the frost
-was more beautiful than the enchanted world of the snow had been a
-month before, though it was not so strange. Every twig was fledged with
-rime, for there had been a fog during the night, but already the sun
-had broken through the mist, the sky was showing blue overhead, and the
-white tops of the elms were blushing in the sunshine.
-
-“Every tree is smothered in snowy blossom; it is as if spring had
-come,” and she thought that the flowering time of the cherry in Japan
-could not equal the beauty of this February morning in England. When
-she turned to go back into the house she noticed that the bare wall of
-the vicarage was covered with hoarfrost, an opalescent bloom shining in
-the sunlight.
-
-“A fairy palace fit for the Snow Queen or the Sleeping Beauty,” she
-said, and the words reminded her that Maggie must be waiting for her to
-make the beds.
-
-“You ought to see the fat woman,” said Maggie Pattle. “Her bosom was
-bigger than that pair of marrows Mr. Lambert gave for Harvest Festival;
-there’s a paper outside says she is only twenty and weighs nineteen
-stone. I shall never call Ida Whalley fat again, after last night.”
-
-Linton Fair lasted two days, and the merry-go-rounds were staying till
-the end of the week.
-
-“I went in the swing-boats, and I went to the circus, and I spent seven
-shillings altogether,” said Maggie with triumph.
-
-Anne shuddered at the fat woman, but when Maggie spoke of the circus,
-of the little lady who rode on a pink horse and jumped through paper
-hoops, and of a horse that undressed and went to bed and drew up the
-sheets with its teeth, she wished that she could go herself.
-
-“Why not? Why not?” she wondered. “Why should I not go this afternoon?
-There is no disgrace in going to the fair, and there are the
-drawing-pins that I have to buy at Linton. I must begin trying to do
-some fashion plates. Besides, I should enjoy the walk on a day like
-this.”
-
-The six miles of road brought a glow of colour into her cheeks, and she
-felt her heart beat with excitement as she crossed the old bridge over
-the Ouse, and entered the little town. The streets were crowded with
-men and beasts; the market place was full of farmers and machinery,
-and half a dozen cheap-jacks, each surrounded by a dense crowd, were
-shouting against each other.
-
-Anne quickened her pace; the noise of a steam organ told her that the
-merry-go-rounds were in a field near the railway station, but when she
-had passed the first booths, the coco-nut shies, the rifle-range, and
-the places where she was invited to win cups and saucers by throwing
-rings, she suddenly became embarrassed. Just in front of her were the
-swing-boats sure enough, laden with shrieking girls; beyond them a
-great merry-go-round painted with all the majesty of a heathen temple,
-and loaded with strange idols: swans, dolphins, lions, and ostriches,
-turned slowly round like a monstrous humming-top, and near by was the
-vast curving canvas wall of the circus.
-
-She was surrounded by a happy crowd, but she could not mingle with it.
-
-Already her pink cheeks had drawn upon her the notice of a group of
-young farmers; it was clear to her that she could not visit the circus
-unless she went with a companion. At that moment she envied Maggie
-her freedom as she had never done before; Maggie, who might laugh or
-scream until her voice drowned the hurdy-gurdy, and who could answer
-back when a man spoke to her without anyone thinking the worse.
-
-What would be said if she, Miss Dunnock, the daughter of the vicar
-of Dry Coulter, were to try to win a coco-nut? Many of her father’s
-parishioners must be in town, and, with flagging footsteps, Anne passed
-by the entrance to the field full of merry-go-rounds, and walked slowly
-on towards the railway station.
-
-Within the great tent of the circus she could hear the thumping of the
-ponies’ hoofs, the crack of the circus-master’s whip, and the falsetto
-note of a clown’s voice, followed by a roar of rustic laughter and
-clapping hands; then, passing on, she came in view of the showmen’s
-encampment: a score of caravans with smoking chimneys, groups of
-hobbled ponies, and women carrying pails of water, hanging out washing,
-and preparing the evening meal.
-
-“A curious life,” the girl said to herself. “Wandering from town to
-town, roaming from one country to another, for the circus I see here
-may be at Nizhninovgorod next summer and in Italy or Spain six months
-after that. The women must have a hard life, but I would rather be one
-of them than the wife or daughter of a clergyman. If I were to join
-them; but that cannot be--some dark woman would stab me rather than
-have me for her daughter-in-law, yet if one of these handsome gipsies
-asked me, I would not hesitate to go with him. I would rather that my
-son were a clown or a lion-tamer than an archdeacon or a bishop.”
-
-Anne roused herself after a few minutes; the sun was setting, she felt
-chilly, and her thoughts had depressed her. “My mind runs in a circle,”
-she said. “Whatever I see, whatever I do, I come back to the thought
-that I am an outcast unable to share in the life around me, or to enjoy
-it, and that somehow I must escape from my surroundings, for I cannot
-live any longer without friends.”
-
-She turned back towards the market place, for there is nothing more
-gloomy than an empty railway station, resolving to buy what she needed
-and then go home without delay.
-
-“Loneliness is terrible, and I have not got a friend in the world.
-The worst fate which can befall a human being is to be born a young
-lady,” and meeting the gaze of a handsome gipsy with gold earrings, she
-added: “I can see that I do not attract him; he does not care for young
-ladies, and he is wise. We are an unhealthy, artificial breed; his
-women are better; they smell of tallow and wood ashes, and have the
-spirit and the health of mares.”
-
-Anne bought her drawing-pins and decided to go home, but first she
-would have a cup of tea, and threading her way past a steam plough with
-seven shares, and through a series of galvanized iron cisterns, at
-which a group of farmers were gazing with intellectual doubt written on
-their faces, she crossed the market place and went into White’s. The
-turmoil of the fair had not penetrated inside the confectioner’s shop,
-and she would have thought that they had no knowledge of it there if it
-were not that a greater primness reigned, and that the very gingerbread
-seemed weary of the flesh. Anne sipped her cup of tea with distaste,
-asking herself what the young ladies behind the counter would have said
-if she had given way to her desires, and they had seen her mounted on
-an ostrich.... Did they suffer from such temptations themselves?
-
-She had almost finished her cup of tea when the door opened and a
-little girl came in, followed by a short, thick-set, white-bearded man
-of sixty. It was Rachel, her favourite, and her father, Mr. Sotheby.
-Rachel smiled, and all Anne’s depression was laid aside; even the tea,
-tasting of wet boots, seemed changed by the pleasure of their meeting.
-
-“Well, Rachel, have you been enjoying yourself at the fair?” she asked,
-looking into the pale little face, framed in short dark curls. The
-child nodded her head quickly.
-
-“Yes, Miss Dunnock, thank you very much. I have been on the switchback,
-and enjoyed seeing the fair very much.” Rachel’s voice was always a
-trifle stilted, her words always polite, and her sentiments always
-perfectly correct, but Anne noticed that on this occasion the child’s
-usual gaiety was lacking. A few words with the grocer were sufficient
-to explain the cause: Mr. Sotheby had brought Rachel into Linton to see
-the fair, he had taken her twice on the roundabout, but his business
-was waiting for him and must be done, and since he did not think it
-suitable to let the child go to the circus alone, he was leaving her at
-White’s, where she would keep warm.
-
-“Come and choose yourself a cake, Rachel,” he said.
-
-“May I take her to the circus, Mr. Sotheby?” asked Anne.
-
-There could be no refusal, and the two friends set off at once, Rachel
-carrying the cheese-cake she had chosen, in her hand.
-
-When the time came to meet Mr. Sotheby in the market place the two
-girls left the circus, and still under the spell of the wonders they
-had seen, it seemed as if they could never express sufficiently their
-admiration and their astonishment. The pink horse and the fair rider of
-which Maggie had spoken that morning, and the clowns, who had appeared
-so suddenly that one might have thought a shower of frogs had fallen
-into the ring after a thunderstorm, were discussed in detail, but best
-of all they had liked the handsome young man who had stood on his head
-on a trapeze, and who, without holding on with his hands, had swung
-rapidly from one side of the great roof of the circus to the other.
-
-Mr. Sotheby was driving out of the inn-yard as they reached the market
-place, and Anne was about to say good-bye, when the grocer offered her
-a seat in his dog-cart, saying that he would not hear of her walking
-back alone. She was grateful for his offer, for she had no great fancy
-for the six-mile walk herself, and soon they were all ready, tucked up
-in a large rug, with nothing to be seen of Rachel, crouching against
-their legs, but the tassel of her woollen cap. Mr. Sotheby flicked
-the pony with his whip, and in a few moments they had crossed the old
-bridge over the river, and had left Linton behind.
-
-During the drive home, Anne’s thoughts ran on the young man, dressed
-in scarlet tights like Mephistopheles; she could not forget his proud
-and serious face, intent only on his trapeze and indifferent to the
-audience; she would never forget that unsmiling face, looking up at the
-trapeze above him, as he deliberately rubbed first the soles of his
-shoes, and then his hands, in a box of sand.
-
-But she could not speak of the young man, or of the circus, to Mr.
-Sotheby, whom she disliked; she could not continue her happy talk with
-Rachel in front of him, and they drove in silence--a silence broken at
-last by the grocer remarking on the number of foreigners that there
-were at the fair.
-
-“Nothing interests us country folk more than to see a foreigner,” said
-he. “A black man will draw a crowd anywhere, and no wonder either, for
-however contented we may be with our own lives, we always wish to learn
-about those of other people.”
-
-“He is a foreigner, of course,” Anne was saying to herself. “Perhaps
-if I went to the circus again to-morrow I might learn his name, and
-whether he is an Italian or a Spaniard,” but she roused herself, for
-Mr. Sotheby was still speaking, and then, wondering whether his words
-required an answer, she looked about her.
-
-The risen moon was nearly full: there were no stars, and the road
-before them sparkled with frost. “How fast we are driving,” she
-reflected. “There is nothing like a frost to make a pony go, and no
-doubt he is thinking of his stable.” The sound of the hoofs rang out;
-the air was much colder than in the morning, so cold that it hurt her
-to breathe.
-
-“My son Richard is abroad, living in Paris,” said the grocer, and
-hearing his voice, Anne told herself that politeness required her to
-listen. If she married the trapezist she might live in Paris, too--or
-else they would travel from town to town wherever there were circuses.
-
-“Before that boy was eight years old,” Mr. Sotheby went on, “I knew
-that he would have to be a gentleman, and I am proud to say that I
-always encouraged him to do what he wanted with his life.”
-
-She would call him Lorenzo. What did it matter whether Lorenzo was
-a gentleman or not? And Anne said this to herself, certain that the
-boy who had swung so gracefully on the trapeze was a gentleman. “For
-what is gentility but pride and perfect dignity? And he is as proud as
-Lucifer.”
-
-“Everyone says that I spoil Richard,” and the old man beside her
-cracked his whip gaily. “But as long as I can make money I shall send
-it to him.”
-
-“I am sure you are quite right,” said Anne. Money! If only she had a
-little money! How that would simplify things!
-
-Mr. Sotheby had needed no encouragement, and went on speaking: “All
-these farmers hoard their money, and laugh at me for spending mine,
-but I always say that we are both in the right, for they haven’t sons
-like my Richard. What good is money to my wife and me?” he asked,
-but, without waiting for a reply, continued: “To him it means books,
-education, painting in the best studios, and the company of his equals,
-for he would not find his equals about here.”
-
-“Yes, money means all that and more,” thought Anne, but aloud she said:
-
-“Is Lorenzo a painter, then?”
-
-“My son Richard? No, he is an artist. I am fond of pictures myself, so
-I can understand him. I have seen some by the great men: Rembrandt,
-Turner, and Wouverman. There is a fine gallery at Norwich.”
-
-“I am very fond of pictures, too,” said Anne. “I have always wanted to
-try oils; perhaps I shall one day.”
-
-“I thought at first of sending Richard to Cambridge,” said the grocer,
-for he was not interested in Anne’s chances of painting. “But he said
-no to it. ‘There’s only one place where I can learn to be an artist,’
-he said. ‘Paris is the only place for that.’”
-
-Mr. Sotheby shook the reins, and murmured to his pony as they crossed
-a little bridge, then he continued: “One hears a great deal about the
-wickedness of Paris; several of our ministers have spoken to me about
-it, but I console myself with thinking that none of those men would
-mind letting their boys go to sea, and there is as much wickedness in
-Hull or Swansea as anywhere on earth.”
-
-Rachel shifted her position under the rug, and suddenly thrusting her
-head out, looked about her with curiosity, like a little monkey.
-
-“Do the sailors believe in the Pope of Rome, father?” she asked in her
-precise voice.
-
-Anne did not listen to the reply. Of course Lorenzo was a Roman
-Catholic. Her father would be heartbroken, but she would give up
-everything for Lorenzo. Together they would voyage over the roads of
-Europe, their horses trotting on through the night, while the van they
-were sleeping in rocked gently on its springs. In the early morning
-she would wake to find that they were encamped by the side of a
-stream; the curling smoke of the wood fire would be rising beneath an
-ash tree; and near at hand the piebald horses would be hobbled, and
-happily grazing on the dew-soaked grass. She would wander along the
-hedge-row, startling a wood pigeon which would rise from the cornfield,
-and catching sight of the black and white of a magpie stealing along
-the edge of the wood. Soon she would return with her arms full of
-dog-roses, and would give one to Lorenzo to wear in his buttonhole; and
-in the evening she would see the fragile flower pinned to his breast as
-he swung on the trapeze.
-
-“Scripture tells us,” said Mr. Sotheby, “that children should honour
-their parents, but I feel a respect for my son which I never felt for
-my father, and which I don’t expect Richard to feel for me. I know
-that he works as hard at his painting as I should expect him to work
-if he had stayed in the shop, though of course he earns no money by
-it. Perhaps he never will, for the qualities necessary are not the
-same, and Richard has spoken of men as great as Wouverman, living and
-painting in Paris to-day, who cannot sell their pictures. I would
-rather that Richard were to become a great master than that he were to
-sell a picture for hundreds of guineas, and incur the contempt of such
-men. Money is not everything: one need only read one’s Bible to see
-that.”
-
-The pony slackened its speed, and turned a corner; they were back at
-Dry Coulter.
-
-“Steady, boy,” said the grocer, pulling up at the vicarage gate.
-
-“Thank you very much, Mr. Sotheby,” said Anne.
-
-“A pleasure, Miss Dunnock; thank you for taking Rachel to the circus.”
-
-“Good-night, Mr. Sotheby. Good-night Rachel.”
-
-“Good-night, Miss Dunnock, thank you for your kindness,” came the
-child’s voice as the pony darted off impatiently.
-
-“What a glorious moon,” Anne said to herself. “And what a hard frost!
-There will be skating without a doubt.” She would have liked to go
-for a long walk to straighten out her tangled feelings, but it was
-half-past seven: it was time to lay the table for dinner.
-
-“Perhaps Lorenzo is married,” she said to herself suddenly. “Then we
-can only be friends,” she added as she opened the door.
-
-
-
-
-FIVE: THE FROST HELD
-
-
-The frost held. On Sunday morning the little boys lingered round the
-edges of the Broad Ditch on their way to chapel, and Mr. Dunnock,
-hurrying to the vestry, noticed Mr. Lambert’s foxhound puppy running
-across the ice.
-
-“There will be skating,” he said to himself, “and I have not lived
-all my life in the fens for nothing. I can still show the younger men
-something,” and he decided to ask Anne to cut sandwiches. They would
-spend the morrow at Bluntisham:--a long walk, but one which would
-repay them with the finest stretch of ice in Huntingdonshire, and at
-Bluntisham Mr. Dunnock would see the best figure skaters and be seen by
-them.
-
-After evening service he tapped the barometer, asking himself if it
-would be tempting Providence if he were to look at the skates that
-evening. There might be a screw missing, a strap needed, or a broken
-bootlace, and such little things were best attended to overnight, he
-reflected, trying to conceal his eagerness, for he would not be happy
-until he had handled his skates.
-
-“They will be in the box-room,” he said, taking a candle with him from
-the hall, but in the box-room many things met his eye which reminded
-him of his life at Ely. It had been a wretched subordinate existence,
-supporting his wife and daughter on a hundred and twenty pounds a year,
-but as he looked back on it such things were forgotten, and it seemed
-to him that his life there had been a happy one, for it had been shared
-with the woman he loved. Setting down his candle, he turned over the
-Japanese screen, which he had always liked for the storks flying across
-it, embroidered in silver thread. His wife had intended to re-cover
-the screen, for the storks were tarnished, and the silver threads
-unravelling, but she had died before she had found a suitable piece of
-stuff. “She is in Heaven,” he said mechanically, and was surprised once
-again that the words with which he comforted others held no consolation
-for him.
-
-“An old age passed together would have brought a closer understanding
-between us,” he said, suddenly speaking his innermost thought, which
-he had not admitted to himself before, for the clergyman’s tragedy was
-never to have had the conviction of perfect understanding or intimacy,
-even with his wife.
-
-“In the middle years of life we live too much in the affairs of the
-day, and a child troubles the mind of its mother. So many burdens to
-be borne, so many duties to be fulfilled.... We were too occupied to
-look into each other’s hearts, and old age, the sweetest portion of
-life if it be filled with harmony, and the happiness of memories shared
-in common, old age is reserved for me only; a lonely and miserable old
-age. Now that I have lost Mavis, intimacy is impossible with anyone
-else, and I feel myself growing far away from everyone, and farthest
-of all from Anne. She reminds me too closely of her mother; I find it
-painful to be with her and I find her youth as tiresome as she finds my
-hasty temper.”
-
-Mr. Dunnock told himself that such feelings must be controlled, but
-he had said that before, and had no faith that the strangeness which
-seemed to be growing upon him could be overcome. “Death will release
-me, and I must console myself with the hope that Mavis is waiting
-for me in Heaven, that she will fold me in her wings, and take me to
-herself without a word of reproach. When I hear the birds singing in
-the mornings they repeat that promise, and once or twice I have had the
-conviction that when I looked out of our bedroom window I should see
-angels perched in the branches of the trees.”
-
-The three pairs of skates lay on a shelf, the blades had been smeared
-with vaseline and wrapped in greaseproof paper, but the boots were
-dusty, and stretched stiffly over the boxwood trees.
-
-“Yes, yes, the skates will be all right: there will be nothing amiss
-with them,” for they had been greased by _her_ hands; it was _she_ who
-had laid them aside after the frost last winter a few weeks before her
-death.
-
-The road to Bluntisham was long, and, as she walked with her father,
-Anne thought about bicycles. Her father had once had a bicycle, but
-that was many years ago; he appeared to have no wish to possess
-another, and Anne had never summoned up sufficient courage to buy
-one for herself, though the price of a bicycle was lying idly in the
-savings bank at the Post Office.
-
-“I shall certainly buy a bicycle,” she thought. “It is madness not to
-have got one before; a bicycle would give me the freedom for which I
-pine; what the horse is to the Arab of the desert, a bicycle is to a
-girl in my position. I could ride to Cambridge; in Cambridge I could go
-to concerts, and even plays; I could ride to Peterborough.” But she
-did not finish her thought, for she was uncertain what Peterborough
-would give her.
-
-“If I had a bicycle I should make friends and instead of wasting my
-life like a fool, dreaming about acrobats at a travelling circus, I
-should meet Cambridge undergraduates, and receive invitations to play
-tennis, or to join in a picnic party on the river.”
-
-While Anne was thinking of all the changes which would come into her
-life when she bought herself a bicycle, her father was enjoying the
-exercise of walking.
-
-“I am a great pedestrian,” he had said to the Bishop, and although he
-scarcely ever went outside his house if he could avoid it, the saying
-was true, and it was all his daughter could do to keep up with him.
-
-Bluntisham Church stands as the last outpost over the flooded fen
-country; a little beyond, at Earith, is the starting point of the
-Bedford Level, which runs for thirty miles to King’s Lynn without a
-hedge, or a tree, or even as much as a mole-hill to break the flat
-expanse--green all the summer, but under water, or rather under ice
-when the Dunnocks approached it.
-
-The father and daughter had in common a great liking for the fens; they
-loved the black peaty earth, the vast level expanse of sodden land,
-which looked flatter than the sea, when viewed from the high banks
-of a causeway running through it, or the embankments of the Bedford
-River raised up above the fields which it drained; they liked even the
-squalid villages on each side of the level, the low houses clustering
-wherever a hillock projecting into the fenland made it possible for man
-to build. But better than the Bedford Level of the present day, they
-loved to think of the fens of the past, and of the struggle to reclaim
-them which had begun with the war between the Romans and the Iceni,
-flitting from islet to islet in their osier coracles, sheltering behind
-the willows, and making a night attack on the legionaries posted to
-defend the bridge at Huntingdon.
-
-As they drew near Bluntisham they began to speak of these things,
-and Mr. Dunnock soon passed from the invasions of the Danes to the
-prosperous farmers who tilled the lands reclaimed by the Romans until
-the twelfth or fourteenth century, when the fields relapsed into
-fenland, and soon they reached the great days of the seventeenth
-century, for, as Mr. Dunnock said, the history of the Commonwealth
-is to be found in the Fens of Huntingdonshire, and the Commonwealth
-itself may be regarded as a mere episode in the struggle between the
-Uplanders and the Lowlanders.
-
-Although Mr. Dunnock was an Uplander by birth, and a High Churchman, he
-was proud of the part that the inhabitants of the swamps had played in
-English history.
-
-“Without the three men of Godmanchester there would have been no Magna
-Charta, and if Charles had not tried to drain the Fens, there is little
-doubt he would have won the Civil War,” he said, and went on telling
-Anne how as a young man Oliver must have made the reflection that his
-family had been ruined by the Stuarts, who had encouraged their hopes
-and given them nothing. It was a good reason for him to repent of his
-loose life, and become more determined a Puritan. Soon he was stirring
-up trouble against the church in St. Ives; then his uncle, Sir Thomas
-Steward, died, leaving him his heir, and Oliver removed to Ely, but the
-temptation to make trouble still persisted, and when one next hears of
-him he was giving money to the Fen Dwellers and helping them to resist
-the drainage schemes of the King’s Adventurers.
-
-“Adventurers’ Fen is called after them,” said Anne, and her father
-answered that it might well be so, and they stopped for a moment to
-look out towards the fen in question.
-
-“At that time the people in the fens lived by fishing and wild
-fowling,” said Mr. Dunnock. “Every week during the winter a train of
-waggons left Linton for London loaded with wild duck,” and he continued
-his story of how when the King was engaged in reclaiming the fen, the
-birds were driven from their nesting grounds, and the great decoys
-woven of osiers were being left high and dry, so that the lowlanders
-foresaw that they would have to abandon a mode of livelihood which had
-endured since the Iceni. They had no desire to plough and reap, and the
-drained lands did not prove fertile until a century afterwards, when
-the farmers were shown how to dig through the peat and quarry clay to
-mix with it, after which it became the most fruitful soil in England.
-Oliver Cromwell had taken up their cause, and later, when the Duke of
-Manchester was letting victory slip out of the hands of the Parliament,
-it was Cromwell who impeached him, and then, seeking an army, turned
-for his New Model to the Fens. It was Cromwell who equipped the
-Lowlanders, and headed the Eastern Association, and it was the Eastern
-Association which had won the Civil War, and so the Cromwells had their
-revenge on the Stuarts. But though the lowlanders had been made use of,
-the work of drainage went on, and the Ironsides who had been enlisted
-to resist the draining of the fens were betrayed by old Ironsides
-himself, the Lord Protector.
-
-But by the time Mr. Dunnock had reached this crowning example of the
-perfidy of the figure he so much hated, they had turned the corner
-below Bluntisham Church, and saw before them the great expanse of ice
-covered with the descendants of Cromwell’s Ironsides.
-
-The field beside the road was full of motorcars, of farmers’ gigs,
-waggonettes, and grazing ponies, and at the entrance stood the farmer
-asking a penny from every person who went on the ice. No crop had
-ever yielded so handsome a profit as his flooded water-meadows, and
-no fenman in Cromwell’s day would have fought more bitterly against a
-scheme which would have kept it drained during the winter months.
-
-The noise of hundreds of pairs of skates on the ice came to their ears
-as they entered the field,--a grumbling sound that had within it a note
-which rang as clear as a bell, and they sat down to unlace their boots,
-refusing the offer of a chair which would mean spending another penny.
-
-Anne was the first on the ice, and as her father watched her hesitating
-strokes the feeling of affection, which the conversation about
-Cromwell had aroused, gave place to one of shame and irritation.
-
-“Am I to be tied to such a limpet all day?” he asked himself as he
-had so often asked himself before when skating with his wife; then,
-without giving his daughter another look, he hobbled rapidly to the
-edge of the ice and was off himself, slipping away as easily as a
-swallow that recovers the freedom of its element after beating against
-the window-panes. His own strokes were as effortless as the flickering
-of a bird’s wing, and it was impossible for the onlookers watching him
-to say what kept him in motion. Mr. Dunnock never appeared to strike
-off, but leant gracefully forward, lifting a leg slightly to cross
-his feet, and, changing his weight from one leg to the other, he flew
-lazily across the ice, picking his way without appearing to observe
-the existence of the clumsy young farmers who doubled up, and, with
-their hands clasped behind their backs, dashed round and round at top
-speed on their long fen skates. Soon everyone had noticed the tall
-clergyman with his beard tucked under a white woollen muffler, and many
-paused to watch as he began figure-skating in the real English style.
-Eight after eight was drawn with the slow precision of a sleepy rook
-wheeling in the evening sky, before descending in a perfect spiral to
-roost on the topmost bough of the high elm, and indeed the black-coated
-figure forgot for a few moments that he was an elderly vicar on a
-pair of skates, and believed himself to be circling in space among a
-vast flock of waterfowl flying over the fens. It seemed to him as if
-at intervals a V-shaped band of wild duck flashed past him, each with
-its neck craned forward, and beating furiously with its short, clumsy
-wings; a flock of curlew was all about him, and would wheel suddenly in
-its tracks with a flash of white, then a stray snipe corkscrewed past,
-a pair of greedy seagulls chased each other, and two roseate terns
-revolved round each other on their nuptial flight....
-
-Half an hour had gone by when his dream was interrupted by a young
-man with pink cheeks and rather protruding black eyes, who skated up
-to him and addressed him by name. It was Mr. Yockney, Dr. Boulder’s
-assistant, whose professional duties brought him to Dry Coulter when
-there was a birth, or death, but rarely at other times:--the villagers
-were uncommonly healthy, and on the rare occasions when they took cold,
-or developed inflammation of the lungs, they doctored each other with
-gaseous mixture, or turpentine and honey.
-
-“Ah, so you are here,” said Mr. Dunnock, shaking hands warmly, for
-young Yockney had attended Mrs. Dunnock in her last illness, and his
-sympathy and tenderness to the dying woman would never be forgotten.
-
-“Yes, Doctor Boulder gave me the day off. This frost is so healthy we
-have no patients left; but it’s an ill-wind that blows nobody any good,
-and I would not miss a day’s skating like this for the world.”
-
-Mr. Dunnock said that Doctor Boulder must write to the Clerk of the
-Weather about the deplorably healthy winter. Mr. Yockney laughed, and
-then both of them remembered that it must be lunch time.
-
-“Come, Yockney, you must join us,” said Mr. Dunnock, and Anne, coming
-up at that moment, added her invitation, which the young man was glad
-enough to accept.
-
-A line of trestles had been put up on the ice, and crowds were waiting
-round the shoemaker’s, and the men who let out skates for hire,
-but most popular of all were the sellers of hot potatoes and roast
-chestnuts with their buckets of glowing coals. Mr. Yockney purchased
-three steaming cups of cocoa, while Anne went to fetch the satchel full
-of sandwiches, and in a little while they were sitting on the edge of a
-grassy bank.
-
-“I have been seeing a friend of yours, Miss Dunnock,” said the doctor
-after the second sandwich. “Little Rachel Sotheby, and I fear that it
-may have been your doing that I had to be called in, for I understand
-it was you who took her to the circus. She caught a chill on the way
-back. Oh, no, it is nothing in the least serious, though she is rather
-delicate.”
-
-Anne expressed her concern, and hastened to explain to her father how
-she had met the Sothebys in the tea-shop, and had taken the little girl
-to see the circus.
-
-“Extraordinary chap that old grocer is,” said Mr. Yockney. “He’d
-have been a rich man by now, I fancy, if it had not been for that
-good-for-nothing son of his. Just fancy, he told me that he was
-spending all his money on making his son a gentleman!”
-
-This seemed to Mr. Dunnock an excellent joke, and he laughed heartily.
-He disliked the grocer for his assurance, and his cheerfulness, and his
-nonconformity, and was ready to hear anything to his disadvantage.
-
-“The great news,” continued Mr. Yockney, “only I expect you know it, is
-that the prodigal is expected home next week. He’s been in Paris, and
-has been going the pace a bit, I fancy.”
-
-“Oh, I am so glad,” said Anne with real interest showing in her
-voice. “I have heard so much about him from Mr. Sotheby, and I quite
-look forward to seeing what he’s like. He sounds quite an interesting
-person.”
-
-A frown gathered on her father’s face.
-
-“Yes, we are all eager to see him,” said the doctor, and then the
-tone of his voice changed so completely that Anne could see that it
-was another, and a serious Mr. Yockney who was speaking, although she
-observed that his eyes bulged just as much when he was serious as when
-he was only talking lightly.
-
-“If you ask me, Miss Dunnock, I should say that young man is the very
-worst type of rotter. Look at the old grocer sweating away at sixty,
-look at his mother still serving in the shop, look at his little
-sister with patches on the sides of her boots, while Master Richard
-is learning to be a _gentleman_ in Paris! There’s no word too bad for
-him. I should like him to know what decent people think of that sort of
-gentility!”
-
-“You had better tell him, my dear fellow,” said Mr. Dunnock languidly.
-“It would do him a world of good, I’ve no doubt. But I must say it
-is probably not the fault of the son but because of the vanity of
-the father. Over and over again I have seen a young oaf of that
-description produced by a couple of vain and silly parents who ruin
-their children’s lives by denying them nothing.”
-
-“But no decent chap, you must admit....” said Mr. Yockney.
-
-“You think the son is to blame because you are nearer his age and
-imagine yourself in his position,” said Mr. Dunnock with a smile. “But
-I, as a father, imagine myself in the position of our excellent grocer.
-If I were to bring Anne up to expect luxuries, and to suppose that she
-was born to lead an idle, useless existence, it would not be her fault
-if she grew up a silly and discontented woman.”
-
-Even without this argument Anne was feeling decidedly uncomfortable,
-and a clumsy piece of gallantry from Mr. Yockney added to her
-irritation.
-
-“Stupid, coarse, hidebound brute! Do your eyes bulge because of your
-manly virtue?” she said under her breath, but she had to confess that
-there was something in what the doctor had said. She had not noticed
-the patches on Rachel’s boots herself, and she felt her respect for Mr.
-Yockney as a doctor increasing with her dislike of him as a man. If it
-were true, it was disgraceful that Rachel should not have a sound pair
-of boots, but it was absurd to object to Mrs. Sotheby serving in the
-shop; would she have been happier at a hydro in Harrogate?
-
-Mr. Dunnock had continued a whimsical description of how he might have
-brought up his daughter so that she would have been discontented with
-her life; the doctor replied, but finally they agreed that both of the
-Sothebys, father and son, were very much to blame, when Anne remarked,
-in a voice which trembled, that she was fond of the Sothebys and that
-she thought that it was very fine of them to sacrifice themselves in
-order to make their son a great artist.
-
-“I can trust you not to be taken in by the word _gentleman_, Anne,
-but I am afraid you may be by the word _artist_. Art, you know, Mr.
-Yockney, covers a multitude of sins.”
-
-“The best definition of art I have ever heard,” said the doctor, “is
-that it is the opposite of work.” Mr. Dunnock laughed approvingly,
-and Mr. Yockney went on, his eyes bulging more than ever with the
-seriousness of his appeal.
-
-“No, Miss Dunnock, whatever you may say, I know that the kind of
-caddish selfishness we have been talking about is absolutely abhorrent
-to you, as it is to all decent people. I quite agree with you that
-there is something pathetic in the old Sothebys, but there is nothing
-to be said for the son.”
-
-“Well, they seem to be an unusually happy family,” answered Anne,
-feeling that she had lost her temper.
-
-“I am too old to play at Happy Families any longer,” said her father
-with a titter. “I shall go back to the ice and leave Mr. Yockney and
-you to settle the momentous question of Master Grits the Grocer’s son.”
-
-
-
-
-SIX: WINGED SEEDS
-
-
-“Why is it?” Anne Dunnock asked herself next day, “that my father can
-be pleasant to other people but not to me? Though to be sure I fancied
-yesterday that his pleasantness to Mr. Yockney was a trifle vulgar,
-while his unpleasantness to me has at all events the merit of being
-sincere and well-bred.” And Anne told herself that the only explanation
-must be that she was as much a burden to her father as he was to her.
-“But only I realize it,” she burst out. “For I am young enough to
-recognize the truth, and to welcome it; he does not understand himself
-or other people; all his life he has hidden his head in the sand like
-an ostrich, and after all what else can one expect of a clergyman?”
-
-Her anger had lasted since the conversation about the Sothebys, for her
-irritation during the lunch beside the ice had been quickly followed by
-fatigue, which had intensified her resentment. After the unaccustomed
-exercise her ankles seemed to have turned to jelly, and the eight-mile
-walk from Bluntisham had been torture to her.
-
-“Never again,” she said to herself; and when Mr. Lambert had stopped
-at the door next morning to offer her a place in his gig (he was going
-to Bluntisham for the skating), she had refused, and her father had
-accepted in her place.
-
-“If I want any skating I shall go on the Broad Ditch,” she had said,
-a remark which had estranged Mr. Dunnock more than her sullenness the
-previous day had done, and he drove off with a hurt look which said:
-“You are no daughter of mine to speak of skating in such a way before a
-stranger!”
-
-When the gig was out of sight Anne went indoors to write a letter to
-Coventry for a catalogue of bicycles.
-
-The catalogue came, but though she selected a machine, she hesitated
-to post the letter ordering it, and after a week’s indecision she tore
-it up, since the thought had come to her that a bicycle would tie her
-more firmly than ever to her life with her father, and this life seemed
-every day to become less endurable.
-
-A thaw followed quickly on the second day of skating, and after that
-rain and sleet fell for several days. Mr. Dunnock appeared to be
-equally disgusted by the weather and by his daughter, and retired to
-his study, scarcely a word being exchanged throughout the day except
-at breakfast, when Mr. Dunnock always reminded Anne of her duties in
-the parish.
-
-“A bicycle would rivet me to my present life,” said Anne to herself.
-“What a chain is to a yard-dog, a bicycle is to the daughter of a
-clergyman! A bicycle would give me a certain radius of movement; it
-would fill the emptiness of my life; but I want things that no bicycle
-can give me. Yes, I want books, music, beautiful clothes, and more
-than any of these I want what they stand for: that is, the society of
-intelligent men and cultivated women. Such hopes are vain, I know:
-I shall never succeed in ‘unwinding the accursed chain’--still I
-shall attempt it and the best way to set about it is certainly not by
-entangling myself with a bicycle. Even if I had to live in solitude I
-should prefer independence, and that I can achieve, for the world is
-full of women who earn their own living. Ten pounds is more valuable to
-me than a machine with plated rims or a little oil-bath; no one ever
-ran away from home on a bicycle, and I shall want all my savings for a
-railway ticket and lodgings in London while I look about me.”
-
-So the letter ordering the bicycle was torn up, and the catalogue
-itself cast into the fire, since it was a temptation to the flesh, one
-which assailed her particularly in the evenings; the ten pounds was
-replaced to her credit in the Savings Bank, and several days were spent
-in turning over the best way of earning her living.
-
-“I shall go away from here, that is clear,” she said. “I have known
-that ever since the ploughmen came that snowy morning. Here the
-accursed chain can never be unwound, but when I am living a free life,
-among new people, and my father is forgotten, I shall escape, and
-speaking easily to everyone I shall be accepted by them; I shall love;
-I shall be beloved....” Anne shook her head and a shower of hairpins
-flew out on to the floor.
-
-“Damn the elastic stuff!” she cried. “Why do I endure it a moment
-longer?” and, tears coming into her eyes, she started up and seized a
-pair of scissors out of her workbasket.
-
-“There will be time enough for that later on,” and the scissors were
-dropped as she told herself that she must plan for the future, and not
-dissipate her emotions in the present.
-
-Yet another week was spent in considering how she could earn her
-living, and March came in like a lamb before she had arrived at any
-practical decision.
-
-“The birds sing and build their nests, soon they will be laying their
-eggs, and then father will be in agonies whenever a young thrush
-hops across the lawn, lest it should fall between Pussy’s paws. The
-snowdrops are over long ago, the hyacinths have broken through the
-ground, their fat buds look like pine-cones. First came the daffodils,
-the double ones, and then the single. The peaches are showing their
-pink petals on the walls of the dove house, but I remain where I am, I
-cannot flower, unfold my petals or spread my wings....”
-
-When her father spoke to her of the migrant birds flitting northwards
-through Africa and Spain and Italy and France, from bush to bush,
-twenty yards by twenty yards, to find their way to England’s shores
-“where alone they find the happiness of love,” said Mr. Dunnock, “and
-where alone they sing,” Anne vowed fiercely that before the last of the
-migrants arrived she would be gone herself.
-
-“The cuckoo will be here in six weeks,” said she to herself. “The
-nightingale will be here a week after; I shall stay to hear one but
-not the other. Which it will be I cannot tell, for sometimes the
-nightingale comes before the cuckoo, and that they say is the luckier.
-I hope I shall hear the nightingale before I go and not the cuckoo; it
-would be an omen that I should find a true lover waiting for me, and
-not a deceiver.”
-
-The spring pleased her and excited her, and an hour or two was spent
-happily searching for the first wild flowers, and gathering the
-sweet-scented white violets which grew under the old apple trees, but
-meeting her father at lunch and hearing him speak to her of the Sunday
-school reminded her of her resolution to leave him, and at that moment
-the beauty of the springtime seemed nothing but a reflection of the
-weakness of her character.
-
-“How can I leave him? He is helpless, and I am useful to him. Who will
-teach in the Sunday school? Who will keep up the thin pretence that
-he cares what happens to his parishioners when I am gone? Without me
-who will order his meals, and who will keep a watch on the bacon? The
-Pattles will rob him; they will eat him out of house and home.” But
-though it seemed that it was impossible for her to leave her father
-helpless, and though Anne knew that she loved him, she was soon going
-over her old arguments about how a girl can earn her living.
-
-All her experiences had been no more than to pour out tea, and to
-teach in the Sunday school. Other women of her age she knew were able
-to be bank clerks, or the secretaries of business men, they worked in
-Government offices, they did typewriting, indeed there seemed nothing
-that women did not do, but Anne doubted very much whether she could
-become a useful person of that kind. She had received what Mr. Dunnock
-had called “the education of a lady” (that was no education at all),
-she could not add up columns of figures, or use a typewriter, or write
-in shorthand. All she could do was to keep the children quiet, to tell
-them Bible stories about Balaam’s ass, and Daniel in the den of lions;
-she could order the groceries, check the washing, arrange a bowl of
-flowers, speak boarding-school French and struggle somehow through a
-piece of Schumann--letting the hammer notes sound rather weak as her
-fingers tired.
-
-To earn her living seemed impossible unless she were to succeed with
-her fashion plates, or were to exchange one Sunday school for another.
-That was always possible, and in another parish she would meet with a
-curate who would ask her to marry him, for nowhere could a curate find
-a better wife.
-
-“Better a bicycle than a curate!” she exclaimed. “I would rather cut my
-throat than be the wife of a clergyman. Other duties perhaps I might
-face, but I have not the courage to work all my life for parishioners
-who prefer to go to their own chapels, or to the public-house. It is
-the fashion plates or suicide.”
-
-But then Anne remembered that there were many elderly ladies in the
-world whose incomes permitted the keeping of a donkey-carriage, with a
-companion to walk beside it. “Why should I not be such a companion?”
-she asked. “In the winter her sciatica will require a change of
-climate, and we shall go away together to the Riviera, or to Egypt.”
-And the rest of the afternoon was spent dreaming of the music she would
-be hearing at Rome, of seeing the Sphinx by moonlight and visiting
-Tutankhamen’s grave.
-
-By the evening she had decided to put an advertisement in _The Church
-Times_, and at night lay awake repeating to herself the magic words
-which would bring her freedom: “A well-educated girl, daughter of a
-clergyman, requires situation as companion to a lady of means.” No,
-that did not sound well: should she call herself “a respectable girl”?
-No, not a respectable girl--that smacked of the kitchen. “A quiet girl,
-with an old-fashioned education, desires to become the paid companion
-of a lady.” Nothing would do, but nevertheless the advertisement would
-have to be sent, and finding sleep impossible, Anne took pen and paper
-and wrote first one sentence and then another until she had covered
-several sheets.
-
-Next morning all her efforts seemed vain, but at last she decided on
-sending the sentence which seemed to her to be the clearest. “Young
-lady, who has enjoyed a religious upbringing, wishes to see the world
-as the paid companion of a lady.” There was nothing more required but a
-covering letter to the newspaper, and a postal order.
-
-Anne put on her boots and hurried out into the blustering March wind.
-It had broken the first hyacinth, and the daffodils were lying flat on
-the earth. How the wind roared! It was pleasant to be out of the house,
-for the chimneys had been smoking. The grass on the lawn was lashed
-into white streaks by the wind before which the hens ran sideways, like
-old ladies crossing the road. There was a thick scum at one side of the
-broad ditch, a scum of withered catkins fallen from the black poplars.
-Catkins hung like funereal trappings or like black caterpillars on
-every twig of the apple trees; on the ditch, the ducks were dancing on
-the waves.
-
-“Such a wind as this scatters the seeds,” said Anne. “The winged fruits
-of the elms and the maples are whirled up from the ditches where they
-have been lying all the winter, and are carried over the tops of the
-tallest trees, and this wind will gather me up like a seed that has
-lain too long under the tree from which it fell. Heaven knows where it
-will carry me! To Egypt or Greece, maybe, or perhaps only to pull the
-rug over the knees of an old lady driving her donkey-cart along the
-lanes of an adjoining parish.”
-
-Under the avenue of elms the wind roared so loud that Anne feared for
-the safety of the trees, and stepped cautiously, looking up among the
-swaying branches. In her hand she held the precious letter that was to
-set her free, the letter which was to her as the wing is to the seed.
-
-“Once this is posted, there is no turning back,” she thought. “There
-will be difficulties, but they will be overcome, and when I look back
-on my life I shall say it began on the day when I posted this letter,
-and I shall remember the March gale roaring like a lion among the elms.”
-
-A vision of an elderly lady with soft brown eyes like bees, and short
-grey hair, haunted her: a precise lady she would be, perhaps one who
-had been an actress or an opera singer in her day, and kept a casket
-of love-letters from all the poets of the ’eighties standing on the
-table beside her. Her employer would laugh gently at her enthusiasm,
-and would tell her wonderful anecdotes. Her name would be beautiful,
-and familiar: a name that is to be found in every catalogue of roses,
-for she was the kind of lady after whom roses are named. Anne would
-take the place of a daughter, and would soon inherit all her passionate
-fire tempered by her knowledge of the world, all her deep wisdom born
-of experience and of renunciation; all her cynical clear-sighted witty
-tenderness....
-
-“Good morning, Miss Dunnock.” Anne’s day-dream was interrupted, and
-she looked down to find Rachel Sotheby standing before her, her bright
-eyes shining, and her cheeks flushed by the wind. Anne was pleased to
-see the little girl, and thinking that they must part soon, she bent
-down to kiss her, a thing she had not done before. As she did so, she
-remembered Mr. Yockney’s remark about Rachel’s boots and glanced at
-them. Yes, they were stiff little boots, cracked behind the toe-caps,
-worn out, they would let in the water.
-
-“Mr. Yockney was quite right,” she said to herself, and entering the
-Post Office, was embarrassed to find a stranger standing at the counter
-writing a telegram.
-
-“This must be Rachel’s brother,” she thought as she recognized the
-foxey nose, and the slit eyes of the photograph she had seen in the
-grocer’s parlour. “This must be Richard Sotheby, who has been turned
-into a gentleman while his sister has holes in her boots.”
-
-As Anne asked for her postal order she avoided looking at the young
-man of whom she had heard so much, but while she was waiting for
-the pen (there was only one in the Post Office with which it was
-possible to write) she could not keep her eyes turned away, and when
-he had finished his telegram, she had to meet his eye as he handed
-her the pen. The action was polite, but though their eyes met for an
-instant, she could see that it was mechanical, she had not engaged his
-attention, he was thinking of his telegram, and next moment she heard
-him spelling it over to Mrs. Day, the post-mistress, and explaining
-that it was in French.
-
-“_The Church Times_....” wrote Anne.
-
-“G...R...A...N...D...I...S...O...N,” spelt the young man.
-
-“Barclays Bank and Co.,” wrote Anne, keeping her ears open but failing
-to follow the address.
-
-She had filled in her postal order and had sealed up her letter; there
-was no reason to stay longer listening while Mrs. Day repeated the
-letters after him, and she went out, posted her letter, and turned
-homewards. Already her emotions about her advertisement had subsided,
-and as she hurried under the storm-tossed elms her thoughts were
-occupied with the grocer’s son and his strange telegram.
-
-“Je suis las de tes amourettes et de mon amour. Je consens. Ecris.”
-What did that mean? And who was the Grandison to whom it was addressed?
-
-Her meditations were interrupted by Richard Sotheby himself, who passed
-her, walking rapidly down the avenue. His hat was jammed hard on his
-head: he did not lift it, and directly he had passed she noticed that
-he was wearing button boots made of patent leather.
-
-
-
-
-SEVEN: THE BURNT FARM
-
-
-The March gale continued for several days; the daffodils were broken,
-the hyacinths in the border laid low, but one morning Anne awoke to
-find that not a breath of wind was stirring in the elms, and after an
-hour or so the sun was blazing with the heat of June. On the breakfast
-table lay _The Church Times_, and she trembled with emotion when she
-saw it in her father’s hands.
-
-“I must speak to him,” she said to herself, “I must speak to him now,”
-but she did not speak, consoling herself for her lack of resolution
-with the thought that the earliest answers to her advertisement could
-not arrive for two days, since they were to be forwarded from the
-office in Fleet Street; she had not given her name and address, but had
-used a box number.
-
-“I will speak to him to-morrow,” she said to herself. “For I would like
-to enjoy one day of perfect spring weather before I leave Dry Coulter,
-and our conversation is certain to upset us.”
-
-She waited eagerly until the birds’ breakfast left her free to take
-the newspaper into her hands. Her advertisement was in, and reading
-the modest three lines Anne felt her heart swell with the triumph of
-authorship, and she ran upstairs with _The Church Times_ in her hand to
-read the announcement over and over to herself in private.
-
-“There is no turning back now!” she exclaimed. “I have shown my
-independence; I have taken the first step, and nothing now can keep me
-from achieving my purpose.”
-
-Anne’s eyes flashed as she turned to the looking-glass; and the
-eager look she met there intoxicated her: at that moment she almost
-suffocated with the sense of her own power. The blood rushed to her
-head, and she clenched her fists, and ground her teeth in the effort to
-remain calm.
-
-“Have you seen _The Church Times_?” called Mr. Dunnock, coming back
-from watching the birds.
-
-“Here it is, father,” she answered, and running downstairs surrendered
-it to him without a tremor. Her father took it absentmindedly, saying
-as he did so:
-
-“I think there is some straw somewhere, my dear. Would you ask Noah to
-scatter it about the lawn? It will be useful for the sparrows; the
-nearest rick is several hundred yards away, a long journey for them,
-almost an impossible one if the wind should veer to the east. On a calm
-day like this, it is not so important, but there are not many calm days
-in March, and in any case it will save a great deal of trouble.”
-
-At another moment Anne might have been vexed at her father’s solicitude
-for the hated sparrows, but she was in a mood to forgive his follies,
-and she ran off at once to the potting-shed to find the straw, and
-scattered it on the lawn herself.
-
-All the morning she was beside herself with excitement; and she found
-it hard to answer Maggie sensibly when she spoke of their plan of
-whitewashing the scullery. When the proposal had been put forward a
-fortnight before by Anne, it had seemed to mark an epoch, but Maggie
-found that it was suddenly brushed on one side, her feelings were hurt,
-the date was left uncertain, and Anne had fled out into the garden
-before she had time to question her again.
-
-The first tulips were standing stiffly to attention in their field-grey
-uniforms, their buds unopened, but the girl could not think of tulips
-as she paced up and down the borders. Her life at the vicarage was
-coming to an end, and she must speak to her father, but after thinking
-over what she would say for an hour, she could find no words, and came
-to the conclusion that it would be unwise to open the subject before
-she had decided where she was going. Her father would be certain to
-raise objections, and they would appear more formidable if her plans
-were not fixed. It would be better for both of them if the parting were
-to come suddenly.
-
-“I will go to him in his study,” she said, “when my bag is packed,” and
-with this settled in her mind she felt happy for the first time that
-morning. She had come out to enjoy the warm spring weather, but, as
-soon as she had decided not to speak to her father, and before she had
-time to look about her, she saw Maggie waving from the kitchen door and
-knew that it was time for lunch.
-
-After the strain of making plans about her future she found the meal a
-pleasant one, emotion had given her an appetite, and, as she ate, Anne
-enjoyed listening to her father inveighing against the stupidity of old
-Noah.
-
-“You would scarcely believe it,” said Mr. Dunnock, “but within half an
-hour of your having scattered the straw, that old fool was sweeping it
-up. I ordered him to stop, but he would not listen to me until I had
-taken him by the arm and had explained my reasons. But so blind is the
-prejudice of the rustics about here, that he said that he would as soon
-poison the sparrows as not. I was forced to speak to him very severely.
-It is his first lapse since the question of the strawberry nets last
-year.”
-
-The mild sunlit air was full of bees as Anne left the vicarage after
-lunch; the celandines were gaping in the sunlight on the bank above the
-Broad Ditch. Wagtails ran round the water’s edge, goldfinches flew up
-into the elms, and yellowhammers trotted before her on the road.
-
-As she passed the Post Office she remembered Richard Sotheby and his
-strange telegram, and tired of the turmoil of her own emotion, she
-welcomed the memory. “I am tired of thy little love affairs and of my
-own love. I consent. Write.” And pondering over these words she asked
-herself what kind of creature the Grandison might be to whom they were
-addressed.
-
-A rich woman in Paris, it seemed reasonable to suppose, who had
-been his mistress.... “It is to secure her love that little Rachel
-is neglected.” Anne wondered what their life had been in Paris, and
-slowly a picture of Miss Grandison formed itself clearly in her mind--a
-fair woman she must be, with a white skin like the flesh of a hazel
-nut, with fair almost colourless hair and light blue eyes, a thick,
-slightly aquiline nose.... That certainly was Miss Grandison, and at
-the opera she wore diamonds and was wrapped in white fur. On summer
-evenings her habit must be to drive with Sotheby out of Paris in her
-limousine to have supper in the open air, of lobsters and cream,
-raspberries and iced champagne.... As the night drew on she would
-become bored, and drag young Sotheby after her to a vast hotel in Paris
-where they could dance all night. The men in their starched shirtfronts
-would turn pale, and wilt in the small hours of the morning under the
-tropical palms, but La Grandison would dance on and on, ruthlessly,
-first with one man and then with another. Richard Sotheby would be
-forgotten, a young man from the Peruvian Embassy would escort her home,
-while Richard, disconsolate and brokenhearted, would be left to pay for
-the buckets of iced champagne, and the mounds of uneaten sandwiches....
-No wonder, with such a woman, that he should declare he was weary of
-her love affairs and of his love. But there was a hint of jealousy in
-his bitterness.
-
-Anne smiled contentedly. Richard Sotheby’s telegram enabled her to
-see her own life with more philosophy. Soon she forgot to think, and
-walked slowly onwards, happy in feeling the soft air caress her cheek,
-in hearing the chatter of starlings in the orchard trees, in looking
-about her in idleness. Ewes lay indolently on the green; their lambs
-were already strong on their legs, and she watched the play of the pair
-nearest to her, at one moment butting each other, in the next skipping
-behind each other, or mounting on one another in amorous curvets and
-then, suddenly indifferent, breaking off their play.
-
-The stream was still swollen, though rain had not fallen for a week.
-Anne crossed it by the little bridge beside the water splash, and made
-her way across the green, the sheep scattering as she passed. On each
-side of the old track that led to the burnt farmhouse, the blackthorn
-bushes were in flower. The masses of frail blossom were full of the
-humming of bees, but as yet there were no wild flowers in the hedge,
-only an occasional celandine shone on the bank like a dropped sovereign.
-
-The fields on each side were hired by a farmer living at a distance;
-they were still cultivated and kept in some sort of repair, but much
-had gone to ruin since the farmhouse had been burnt. The hedges had
-not been cut for years; there were forest trees in them, and holes big
-enough for bullocks to wander through. The great stretch of pasture by
-the farm itself, the home meadows where the prize herd of spotted cows
-used to be milked in the open, that had gone out of cultivation, and
-was full of hawthorn bushes, of the trailing briars of dog-roses and of
-brambles. The finest pasture which had yielded the richest butter was
-become no more than a covert where the French partridges nested. Of the
-farmhouse itself there was nothing left but a few of the walls, heaps
-of plaster where the nettles grew in summer, and one or two blackened
-beams. The vegetable garden was a wilderness with a quarter of an acre
-of horseradish and matted gooseberry bushes buried in convolvulvus. At
-one side, on a smooth expanse of turf, stood the old square dove house,
-as sound as the day it had been built, and the pigeons came and went as
-they had always done, for the dove house was still used as a granary,
-and the pigeons were the perquisite of a farmhand.
-
-As Anne came in front of the house, it seemed strange to her to see
-the fine iron gates, with great ilexes on either side of them, and the
-flagged path that ran so cleanly up to a mere heap of broken bricks,
-where the front door had been. Not a weed had taken root on the
-pathway, not a bramble strayed across it, and even the pond, by whose
-bricked side it ran, was clear water. Irises grew there and flowered
-in the summer time; on the grassy bank opposite there were daffodils
-in bloom. Anne let herself in at the iron gates, thinking to herself
-that it was very strange that no farmhouse had been rebuilt there on
-the site of the old one, that no labourer had been allowed to work
-the rich garden as his allotment, and that it was impossible to guess
-why everything should have been let go to ruin except the square dove
-house of red brick, which must have stood for three centuries and which
-looked as if it would stand for as many more. All about there were
-the traces of a former fruitfulness, a great walnut overshadowed one
-of the ancient yards by the edge of the pond, and on the other side,
-hidden in an impenetrable thicket of bullaces, giant pear trees and
-plum suckers, laced about with bramble and dog-rose, was the orchard.
-The plums were bursting into a fine blow, and Anne wondered whether the
-boys came there to rob the fruit, or whether the plums and apples fell
-of their own weight, or hung until the wasps had hollowed out the last
-of them. She wondered how it was that she had never met anyone by the
-Burnt Farm, never a child nor a village labourer. She had not seen it
-before in spring, though in the summer it had been a favourite haunt of
-hers; and she had gathered roses there late on into the autumn from a
-bush which had not yet gone wild. As she walked up the path she smelt a
-breath of wood smoke, and turning the corner of the house by what had
-been the chimney stack, she saw tongues of flame shooting up, and heard
-the crackle of sticks. “A tramp, or perhaps an encampment of gipsies,”
-she said to herself, and would have drawn back, but at that instant she
-caught sight of Rachel Sotheby coming from the orchard with an armful
-of dry sticks.
-
-“Why, Rachel, are you having a picnic here?” she asked, seeing a kettle
-on the fire.
-
-Rachel came running to her with eyes that shone with excitement; she
-had lost her grave look of self-possession, so that it was natural for
-Anne to stoop to kiss her for the second time, seduced by her wild look
-and her tangled curls.
-
-“Yes, Miss Dunnock. Do you come here often? I have never been here
-before, but my brother brought me. He is sketching the house from the
-other side.”
-
-Anne would have taken her leave on hearing of Richard Sotheby’s
-presence, but Rachel would not let her go before she had gathered her
-some daffodils from the far side of the pond, and had shown her the
-white violets growing under the walnut tree. The kettle had not boiled
-when they came back to the fire, and as Richard Sotheby was nowhere to
-be seen, she sat down for a little while, talking to the little girl
-while she heaped up the sticks and unpacked the basket. A minute passed
-when suddenly she heard a step, and, jumping up, saw that Richard
-Sotheby was standing a yard or two behind her. He was bare-headed,
-frowning, his lips twitching, and seeing Anne at the same moment as she
-saw him, he gave his sister rather a puzzled glance.
-
-“This is my brother Richard,” said Rachel, looking up from blowing the
-fire. “Richard, this is Miss Dunnock.”
-
-The young man’s face broke into smiles at her name, and he held out his
-hand.
-
-“I am very pleased to meet you,” said Anne, taking it. “Now I must be
-getting on. Good-bye, Rachel.”
-
-“Please don’t go,” said the grocer’s son. “I have finished work for
-to-day; the light has changed, and I have been wanting to meet you. I
-want to ask you all about how your doorstep was ploughed up. I shall
-never meet anyone else to whom such a thing has happened, and I want to
-know what it felt like.”
-
-Anne was too much taken aback by this to know what to answer, but just
-at that moment they were interrupted by Rachel’s saying that the tea
-was made.
-
-Young Sotheby repeated his invitation, and Anne sat down on a block of
-stone which had once supported the corner of a haystack, feeling very
-foolish, shy, and ashamed of her shyness, but she was determined that
-she would not run away after what he had said. She had blushed crimson
-when he had spoken of Plough Monday, but it had pleased her to hear
-something spoken of openly about which so much must have been said
-behind her back.
-
-“Yes. Our doorstep was ploughed up,” she said, and her voice sounded to
-the others as though she were angry. “Why does it interest you?”
-
-“It was very wicked of the men to do it,” said Rachel suddenly. “And
-you ought not to speak of such a thing to Miss Dunnock, Richard.”
-
-The grocer’s son laughed at his sister’s indignant interruption.
-“Rachel is a great friend of yours, Miss Dunnock. I shall have to
-apologize to her, but I hope I have not offended you also.”
-
-“No. Not at all. I want to talk about it, Rachel,” she said, looking at
-the child. The little girl’s mouth was trembling.
-
-“That don’t matter,” she said, almost crying. “Richard did not ought to
-have spoken to you of that thing. Mother told everyone that what they
-done was no better than if they were heathens, and that no one was to
-say a word about it. No one would have ever but our Richard.”
-
-Anne took Rachel on to her knees, and hugged the child close; at that
-moment she was near to tears herself; for the first time in her life
-she understood that she had neighbours who loved her, and did not think
-of her only as a queer girl, and the daughter of a queer clergyman.
-
-“Sit here, close to me,” she said, letting the child go. “And let me
-talk to your brother, because he is very clever and is....” It was on
-the tip of her tongue to say “a gentleman,” but she altered it to:
-“because I am sure he would never be unkind.”
-
-Rachel looked at him in a way which threatened that if he were unkind
-to Miss Dunnock there would be terrible consequences, and Richard
-Sotheby poured out the tea in silence, until Anne asked him again why
-he was interested in the ploughing up of the doorstep.
-
-“Because it was, as my mother said, a heathenish act, and I imagine
-that, like most heathen things, it must have been beautiful.”
-
-“Yes, it was beautiful,” replied Anne instantly. “It was so beautiful
-that I was fascinated watching it, and though I was crying with shame,
-I was glad that they had done it.”
-
-Richard Sotheby grinned with interest as Anne said this, and nodded his
-head several times.
-
-“Like a rape,” he said under his breath. His words were not meant for
-Anne to hear, but she had caught the word, and for some minutes did not
-know what to say or where to look, but sat praying with all her soul
-that she would not blush. At last the danger passed, and she went on
-to speak of the plough wobbling a little as it ran through the earth,
-and of the broad, shiny backs of the three chestnut horses, and the
-handsome face opposite her quickened with pleasure as she told how it
-happened after a fall of snow, and that there was snow on the horses’
-manes and on the carters’ caps.
-
-When she had described the whole scene, he pressed her for further
-details, and soon she found that she was speaking of her feelings after
-the event, and that he was listening in silence. She pulled herself up
-suddenly, unwilling to tell him so much about herself, and there was
-a long silence, for the young man did not press her with questions,
-but the silence was broken at last by Anne saying: “But you cannot
-understand it unless I were to tell you about my father.”
-
-“Of course it came about through him in the first place,” said Richard
-Sotheby reflectively, and Anne would have begun to speak of her father
-and her feelings for him if she had not felt Rachel shiver, and then
-she perceived that the sun was sinking low, and that it had grown cold
-for sitting out of doors.
-
-“That is too long a story,” she said, rising to her feet. “You would
-not understand it, and if you did, it would bore you. But it is late
-now, and I must be going home.”
-
-“You must promise to tell me another time,” said the grocer’s son. “If
-the weather keeps fine I shall be working here every afternoon, until
-about half-past three when the light changes. Come and have tea with me
-to-morrow and finish your story.”
-
-Anne promised to come, and then gathering up her flowers and saying
-good-bye to Rachel, she hurried off, for young Sotheby had to go back
-to his easel and put it away in the dove house, and she had no wish to
-be seen walking home with him.
-
-
-
-
-EIGHT: WILLOW-PATTERN PARIS
-
-
-For several days a gentle wind blew from the west and the cloudiness
-of dew-drenched mornings was followed by the sunshine and softness of
-the afternoons. Anne Dunnock knew that the grocer’s son was painting
-at the Burnt Farm, but though each day she set out in that direction,
-she always turned aside on the way, breaking her promise that she would
-meet him there again.
-
-“I spoke to him too freely; Heaven knows what he must think of me!” she
-repeated to herself. At moments she found it consoling to remember that
-she felt quite sure that she did not like Richard Sotheby, but at other
-times it seemed to her that what was so terrible was to have confided
-so much of her secret life to a man whom she disliked. But the weather
-was too beautiful for her to remain long unhappy for such reasons, and
-nearly her whole day was spent out of doors. In the morning she would
-busy herself in the garden, and, tempted by the sunshine, Mr. Dunnock
-would leave his study to come and stand beside her while she sowed the
-sweet peas and the mignonette, or planted out young wallflowers in the
-borders.
-
-“Do not forget to sow teazles by the pond,” he would remind her. “They
-are as handsome as hollyhocks, and wherever there have been teazles in
-summer time the goldfinches will come in winter.”
-
-Anne did not regard the teazle as a weed, she loved the plant’s bold
-leaves that hold hands about the prickly stem, making a cup to catch
-the rain, and the flower-heads with their bands of blue which creep up
-and down the inflorescence.
-
-Few words passed between father and daughter, yet both were happy as
-they went together to sow the teazle seed that he had saved, and were
-conscious of being in sympathy with one another as they had scarcely
-been all the winter. Once there was a rose tree to be transplanted; on
-another occasion a rambler which had been blown down had to be nailed
-up on the far side of the summer-house, and while Anne shovelled the
-earth round the roots, and drove the nails through strips cut from an
-old stair carpet, Mr. Dunnock held the tree upright and the creeper in
-place, his hands protected in Noah’s hedging gloves.
-
-“The bees are working in the willows,” he said. “Though it is still
-three weeks to Palm Sunday.”
-
-Yet Anne had not abandoned her plan; it was only that the spring and
-the garden full of growing things had claimed her attention. But one
-morning she found a letter for her on the breakfast table, and as she
-opened it her heart sank, for she guessed that it was from a lady
-anxious to engage her as a companion.
-
-“What am I to say to him?” she asked herself, looking up at her father
-as he came into the room, and the morning was spent wandering about
-the house, first carrying an old trunk out of the box-room to pack her
-things, and then with pale cheeks running to the door of her father’s
-study. She did not knock, when she stood trembling outside the door,
-though she knew that in a day or two at most, perhaps even in a few
-hours, she would be leaving the vicarage.
-
-During luncheon she came nearest to speaking to her father, but each
-time, just as she was going to begin, she was interrupted by some
-remark of his. Such a subject could not be opened without preparation,
-when her father spoke of the decoration of the church at Easter her
-courage failed her, and before she had recovered it, he had shaken the
-crumbs off his waistcoat and had gone into his study.
-
-“I shall have to leave a letter for him to read after I am gone,” said
-Anne, but the idea was hateful to her; it revealed her own cowardice
-too clearly, and when she began to compose the letter that should be
-left behind, she found the task an impossible one.
-
-“A walk will help me to think things out,” but in the road her
-footsteps turned of themselves across the green, and she was half-way
-to the Burnt Farm before she stopped suddenly, realizing that she was
-going there to lay her difficulties before the grocer’s son.
-
-“That will be the best way,” she said aloud. “In such a position as
-mine, one must seek advice, for it is only when one has been advised by
-someone else that one recovers confidence in the sanity of one’s own
-opinions.”
-
-Directly she had passed through the iron gates the sunshine seemed
-warmer; it was as hot as June; she could see the daffodils clustering
-on the banks of the pond and reflected in its waters; a brimstone
-butterfly rose from the flagged pathway and rambled in front of her,
-settling at last on one of the brick walls.
-
-There was a continuous cooing from the top of the dove house, and the
-beat of the wings of the pigeons coming and going; a blackbird was
-singing in the tangled orchard.
-
-Rachel Sotheby was nowhere to be seen; there was no fire burning, but
-recollecting that Richard Sotheby would be painting on the other side
-of the house, Anne walked round into the wild garden. She could not see
-him, and soon sat down, putting her arms up to tidy her hair, loosened
-by an angry toss of her head, for she was vexed to have come looking
-for the young man.
-
-“Please stay like that,” said a sharp voice behind her, and she looked
-round to find Richard Sotheby watching her from inside the ruined walls.
-
-“Please stay where you are, Miss Dunnock,” he repeated. “You are
-exactly what I want in my picture; I knew there was something
-needed;--now I see that it is a figure.”
-
-But Anne jumped up before the sentence was finished, and Richard
-Sotheby climbed out of the ruin with his palette in his hand and a
-frown on his face, repeating, “Please stay there....”
-
-He was insistent, and Anne had to agree to sit for a few minutes while
-he made a charcoal drawing.
-
-“When I have finished you shall have tea,” he said as though he were
-speaking to a child. Anne sat, looking up at the sky with her hands to
-her hair and her elbows up, as he had posed her, saying to herself that
-she had never met anyone with such bad manners.
-
-She was hot with annoyance, but soon the blush left her cheek, and
-while she listened to the pigeons her resentment faded away.
-
-“May I see your picture?” she asked five minutes later, and when the
-artist refused, shaking his head and laughing, she felt no irritation.
-It seemed natural to her that he should say: “Not till it is finished.”
-
-“When will that be?” she asked, remembering her own departure.
-
-“It will take me a week to put in that figure; I don’t know how I shall
-do it unless you sit for me. Come, let us have tea.”
-
-“I am afraid I cannot sit, Mr. Sotheby,” said Anne. “I have come to-day
-to say good-bye.”
-
-The young man opened his eyes at this; his curiosity had to be
-satisfied, and soon Anne was telling him that her life was being wasted
-at the vicarage, and that she was determined to leave her father.
-
-Richard Sotheby listened without saying a word; he was kneeling in
-front of the little fire he had just lighted. The sticks smouldered
-but went out when the paper had burnt away, and she paused in her
-story while he fetched a bottle of turpentine from his paint-box. He
-sprinkled a little of the spirit, and a thick yellow flame sprang up;
-then the sticks crackled. All his attention seemed to be for the fire,
-only when she spoke of the advertisement he turned his head sharply to
-look at her, and when she told him that an answer had come that morning
-he exclaimed: “Extraordinary!” under his breath.
-
-“But what does your father say to all this?” he asked suddenly, as he
-handed her the cup of tea he had poured out. Anne found the confession
-of her cowardice was difficult; Sotheby was staring at her as if he
-were surprised by her words.
-
-“I think that would be behaving very heartlessly,” he said when she had
-done. He filled the lid of the kettle with tea, blew on it and added:
-“It would be a great shock to him, and it seems to me so unnecessary.
-Children have parents so much at their mercy; their one duty to them,
-surely, is to avoid shattering their illusions. I’m not a good son;
-my father is excessively irritating; quite as irritating as yours. I
-don’t love him, and that makes me feel ashamed.... You have left it so
-late.... Do you really think that getting this place is worth having to
-behave so badly?”
-
-Anne’s face fell, and rather sulkily she pulled the letter she had got
-that morning out of her pocket.
-
-Richard Sotheby glanced at it, wrinkled his nose, and began reading it
-aloud:
-
- “Spion Kop,”
- 14A Kimberley Road,
- West Sutton Vallance,
- London, W.23.
-
- Dear Madam,
-
- I have seen your advertisement in _The Church Times_, and think it
- possible that you may suit me. I am looking for a companion of gentle
- birth who would be willing to undertake light duties in the house.
- I have a girl who comes in daily. What I really require is someone
- who will, as far as possible, take the place of my own devoted and
- dearly-loved daughter who died last year after a long illness,
- patiently borne.
-
- I would introduce you to a pleasant circle of friends, and would look
- after you as, I think you will agree, a girl should be looked after
- on coming so near London. I cannot offer a high wage, but you will
- have every home comfort. Will you please tell me in your answer,
- your age, and whether you have been away from home before, and when
- you can come up for me to interview you. It is essential that you
- should be fond of dogs, but no doubt you are. This neighbourhood is
- considered a very healthy one, and the house is next door to the
- church.
-
- Yours faithfully,
- ETHEL CROWLINK.
-
-Each phrase had sounded comic as he read it aloud, and his voice ended
-with such a queer note that Anne burst out laughing.
-
-“You think I oughtn’t to go to her?” she said.
-
-“It is ridiculous to think of it,” he answered. “Not for your father’s
-sake but for your own. It would be out of the frying-pan into the fire:
-surely you see that?”
-
-She did not answer, and he went on: “Why should you choose to live with
-the horrid old woman who wrote this letter, in a London suburb? If you
-must leave home....”
-
-“I must....” she said. “Better anything, however horrid it may sound.
-If I do not get away from home, I shall never be able to speak to
-anyone.”
-
-There was a long silence while she watched Richard Sotheby wrinkling up
-his nose.
-
-“You may be more unhappy when you can speak, Anne. Particularly if you
-should fall in love. That makes one more unhappy than anything else.
-However, you would do better to go as an English governess in a French
-family. In that way you would see new people and have quite fresh
-experiences.”
-
-And Richard Sotheby began to speak of Paris, while Anne sat fascinated
-by the magic flow of words, seeing pictures of a great town full of
-avenues and open spaces, with a twisting river, crossed by innumerable
-bridges. And for some reason, though she knew that Paris was a huge
-city, and though Richard spoke often of the crowds thronging the
-boulevards, she imagined Paris as a willow-pattern plate; its bridges
-like that steep bridge over which a blue figure is hurrying, with
-bald-headed Chinamen fishing in the winding river beside it on which
-a barge is floating, a lady is disembarking, and weeping willow trees
-border the Elysian fields.
-
-The voice went on, Anne watching the fine forehead and the abstracted
-eyes gazing into the fire, was carried away by her imagination and saw
-herself living in the willow-pattern city.
-
-“That will be wonderful,” she said. “But what am I to say in my letter
-to Mrs. Crowlink?”
-
-She spoke in a tone of such despair that he burst out laughing at her.
-“You are a child!” he said, but his voice was too pleasant for her to
-take offence, and for the first time she knew the sweetness of being
-laughed at without minding it. “I feel sure of his sympathy,” she said
-to herself. “Though I came here believing that I disliked him, and even
-now I am not sure what I think of him.”
-
-Richard Sotheby had gathered his brushes together, and was pouring
-water from the kettle on to the ashes.
-
-“You will come and sit to me to-morrow, won’t you?” he asked. “And then
-we can go on with our discussion of your future. Come at half-past two,
-but now we had better go home separately, otherwise we shall see our
-names written up on Lambert’s Barn: ‘Richard Sotheby loves Anne Dunnock
-and takes her to the Burnt Farm.’ I wonder if they would put ‘the dirty
-dog,’ or ‘bless his heart,’ after my name? It is usually one or the
-other.”
-
-Anne laughed at this, and looked the grocer’s son in the eyes, but his
-glance was one of mere amusement.
-
-“Oh, they would put ‘the dirty dog’ after your name,” she said suddenly.
-
-“You are quite right,” he said laughing. “Wonderful you should guess.”
-He did not offer to shake hands, and she walked away.
-
-She had read the scrawls chronicling the loves of the village boys and
-girls, but she had never thought that it would be possible to speak
-of them. As she hurried home her heart was beating fast; she looked
-neither to left nor right, but kept repeating to herself: “Richard
-Sotheby loves Anne Dunnock, the dirty dog!” “But he doesn’t,” she
-added, wondering if she would wish to be loved by him.
-
-Then she repeated as a variation: “Richard Sotheby doesn’t love Anne
-Dunnock, the dirty dog!” That was more like the truth! And she thought
-of the telegram she had seen him write, and wondered if he would
-tell her about La Grandison. Perhaps one day soon she would see her,
-alighting from a barge in the Seine that ran through a willow-pattern
-Paris.
-
-There were no other answers to her advertisement, and as soon as the
-lying letter to Mrs. Crowlink had been posted, Anne was free to forget
-her problems. The week which followed passed happily enough; every
-afternoon she sat for an hour or more in the spring sunlight talking to
-Richard Sotheby while he painted her, answering his questions about her
-childhood at Ely, describing the poverty in which they had lived, and
-how her mother had been looked down upon by the ladies of the cathedral
-set, then telling him of her father’s eccentricities, and his violent
-temper, and of the last outburst when he had insulted a canon, and had
-been sent for by the Bishop, and of how he had been kept to lunch at
-the palace and sent away with the words: “I think you will do better by
-yourself, Mr. Dunnock. There is a living going begging at Dry Coulter.
-A hundred and twenty pounds a year....”
-
-The pigeons cooed through all the afternoon, the pear tree burst into
-flower over her head, and was filled with the hum of hundreds of bees
-working among the scarlet stamens, at intervals Anne spoke of her life,
-and every now and then Richard would interrupt her with questions
-about her father. When she told of his love for the birds, Richard was
-delighted, and the rest of the afternoon was spent describing all his
-little acts of tenderness and consideration: scattering straw for the
-sparrows to build their nests, sowing teazles for the goldfinches....
-
-“I see that I should get on much better with your father than you do,”
-he said. “We should have a great deal in common.”
-
-“He has made me hate birds,” said Anne. “Sometimes I think I should
-like to wear a bird in my hat.”
-
-“You feel about birds what I feel about love and about religion, I
-suppose,” said Richard.
-
-“My father has got birds and religion all mixed up, somehow,” said
-Anne, but when he asked her to explain, all she could say was: “I don’t
-understand it, and I can’t explain it, but I know I am right. It is
-difficult to tell often of which he is speaking.”
-
-“That seems rather a beautiful confusion to me,” said Richard. “Just
-listen for a moment to the pigeons in the dove house and you will feel
-inclined to it yourself.”
-
-“I only hate them because I am wicked and selfish,” said Anne. “I am
-not going to sacrifice all my life to beautiful things. Father can only
-see beauty in a chaffinch or a wagtail; I might be beautiful too, but
-he would never notice it.”
-
-Richard laughed at this outburst. “As pretty as a wagtail,” he mused,
-screwing up his eyes, and teasing her. “That is flying rather high,
-isn’t it?”
-
-“I don’t see why a human being shouldn’t be as beautiful as a bird,”
-said Anne seriously, at which her companion laughed more than ever.
-
-“Perhaps not,” he said. “Still you don’t really hope that anyone should
-ever say to you: ‘Miss Dunnock, you are as pretty as a hedge-sparrow.’
-I, of course, with my long nose, am rather like a snipe.” Then,
-changing his tone, he went on: “You are more like a heron than a
-hedge-sparrow: a tall ghostly figure seen by moonlight standing in the
-reeds at the water’s edge. The heron’s hair is always flying loose like
-yours; he tries in vain to keep it up with fish bones.”
-
-“I am going to cut all my hair off!” cried Anne savagely.
-
-“Yes, I think you would look better,” said Richard simply. “But you
-must not do that until my picture is finished. Seriously, if you want
-admiration, you should come to Paris. You are quite sure to find
-someone there who will think you are beautiful.”
-
-She bit her lip, and asked herself if Richard could have told her more
-plainly, to her face, that he did not think so.
-
-“He does not care for me,” she said to herself as she walked home the
-following afternoon, after the last sitting. “Had he cared for me, he
-would have said something nice to me when he said good-bye. He is only
-amused, and contemptuous. Thank Heaven I did not show him any of my
-drawings!”
-
-For she had taken out her drawing book that morning, to try her hand
-at fashion plates, and had sat a long while examining her old careful
-sketches of a dead-nettle in flower and a spray of honeysuckle in bud,
-only to put them away at last guessing that her work would not make
-Richard Sotheby take her any more seriously, though an ambition to earn
-her living by drawing clothes was still present in her mind.
-
-“Yet he likes me, I am sure of that,” she said. “He would not tease me
-otherwise.” The thought consoled her, and she crossed the green more
-happily. Suddenly she heard a little cry behind her, a sharp note like
-the clink of flint on steel, and looking round she saw Rachel.
-
-“Will you come to tea to-morrow?” the child asked when she had
-overtaken her. “It is my birthday and mother told me I might ask anyone
-that I liked.”
-
-
-
-
-NINE: BIRTHDAY TEA
-
-
-Anne sat down to tea on the following afternoon, with the four
-Sothebys, round an iced cake with thirteen candles, in the rather
-dark little room where she had retired to hide her tears after Plough
-Monday, darker now, for it was raining outside. There were chocolate
-biscuits in glass dishes and crackers lying on the table between the
-plates. But in spite of the air of jollity, and of Rachel’s excitement,
-Anne felt just as she had done on the first occasion she had entered
-the room: anxious to escape.
-
-Rachel had met her at the door, they had kissed, and she had given
-the little girl a pair of fur-lined slippers as a birthday present,
-but immediately afterwards Mrs. Sotheby had begun to introduce her
-to Richard and he had no sooner cut his mother short by saying that
-they were acquainted already, when the grocer came up and said: “Miss
-Dunnock, this is my son Richard of whom I think I have spoken to
-you....”
-
-“Miss Dunnock and I have met,” said Richard, and Anne added: “Richard
-and I are old friends already,” but at once became aware that what she
-said was the wrong thing, for there was an expression of astonishment,
-almost of alarm, possibly even of disapproval, on Mr. Sotheby’s face.
-Certainly he seemed nervous as he said: “Well, well, since I find we
-are all acquainted let us sit down to tea.”
-
-The difficulties of the introduction were forgotten in the excitement
-of cutting the cake, and it was not long before the last of the
-crackers was pulled; a yellow paper crown was found for Mr. Sotheby;
-there were paper caps for the rest of the company, and though several
-of the mottoes alluded to Christmas, they were read aloud with pleasure
-and received with delight.
-
-“It is too bad, Richard,” said Mr. Sotheby over his third cup of tea.
-“You are going away the day after to-morrow, and you have never painted
-the portrait of your mother, for which I have asked so often.”
-
-Anne felt numb on hearing that Richard was going away in two days’
-time: “Why didn’t he tell me that?” she asked herself, but without
-noticing her look the grocer went on: “You have spent all your time out
-sketching the old manor house, but you have not shown us any of your
-work.”
-
-“He brought it back to-day,” said Mrs. Sotheby. “But I haven’t seen
-it.” Richard was reluctant to show his picture, but at last he left
-the room, and it was only then, seeing Rachel was trembling, and upset
-about something, that Anne suddenly remembered that the Sothebys might
-easily recognize the figure of the girl in the foreground, engaged in
-doing up her hair.
-
-Richard lifted an eyebrow at her as he put the canvas on the
-mantelpiece, and there was a long silence, a silence which grew
-alarming, and Anne knew that she had been recognized.
-
-“This figure is you, Miss Dunnock,” said the grocer at last, speaking
-stiffly.
-
-“Miss Dunnock came by while I was making tea for Richard,” said Rachel
-in her precise tone, and everyone in the room breathed more freely.
-“She stayed to tea with us.”
-
-“And she was good enough to pose for me while I drew a sketch of her to
-put into the foreground,” said Richard.
-
-“It was very kind of you, to be sure,” said his father.
-
-“I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself, Richard,” said Mrs.
-Sotheby. “Putting Miss Dunnock into your horrid picture like that; you
-haven’t done her justice at all. I should scarcely have recognized
-her.” And the grocer’s wife gave Anne a little smile to tell her that
-she did not mind Richard’s having painted her instead of the portrait
-that his father wanted.
-
-“I should never have sat to him,” said Anne, “if I had known that he
-ought to have been painting your portrait,” but Mr. Sotheby was saying
-that he had to be off on business.
-
-“Very, very kind of you to come on Rachel’s birthday,” he said as he
-left the room.
-
-“No, indeed, there is hardly any resemblance at all,” said Mrs.
-Sotheby. “Anyone might think it was one of the Puttys come home again.”
-
-“Who are the Puttys?” asked Anne.
-
-“What, you don’t mean to say that you have never heard of the Puttys!”
-exclaimed Rachel and her mother together, and Richard, who had been
-looking glum since he had shown his picture, added: “Yes, you ought to
-hear that story, since you are the only other person that has turned
-the ploughmen away.”
-
-“How can you say such a thing, Richard!” said Mrs. Sotheby. “You know
-how that came about by mistake,” but Anne asked:
-
-“Did the Puttys have their doorstep ploughed up?”
-
-“No, not the Puttys,” was the answer, and as Anne seemed mystified but
-eager to hear more Richard said: “Come, mother, tell Miss Dunnock the
-whole story from the beginning.” And Rachel also added her request for
-the story.
-
-“Well, wait a moment till I have cleared away the tea-things,” said
-Mrs. Sotheby, work that was soon done with both Rachel and Anne
-helping. While they were out of the room Richard seized the opportunity
-to take his canvas off the mantelpiece. He hid it in the woodshed and
-came back feeling happier.
-
-The chairs were drawn up round the fire, Rachel sitting at Anne’s knee
-and holding her hand, and Mrs. Sotheby began:
-
-“What you children call the ‘Burnt Farm’ is really the ruins of a manor
-house; the squire lived there, Captain Purdue, and since the burning
-there has been no squire at Dry Coulter. I can remember him very well:
-a tall man who had been a captain in the navy, and he certainly thought
-a great deal about appearances. One could tell that just by looking at
-him; what one could not have told was that he cared a great deal about
-money too.”
-
-“You have forgotten to say that he had been dismissed the service,”
-Richard reminded his mother.
-
-“Well, his ship was wrecked, you know, and he left the navy after that;
-I have heard that he was turned out because of it, but I do not really
-know,” said Mrs. Sotheby. “Certainly he was a very unlucky man, but at
-first all went well; he had a fine house, built in the time of King
-Charles II (Oliver’s men had burnt the old house down in the civil
-wars), and a wonderful garden (he had a whole greenhouse full of arum
-lilies in the winter), his horses were famous, and his dairy cows won
-prizes. At that time there was not a gentleman’s place for miles round
-that was kept up better. But I should have said that Captain Purdue
-was married, to a very good-looking lady indeed. She was a good deal
-younger than he was, and I think she came from the Channel Islands. But
-they had no children.”
-
-There was the jangle of the shop bell. Mrs. Sotheby broke off her
-sentence and started to her feet, but Rachel had slipped out into the
-shop before her, and they could hear a woman saying that she had just
-run across for a bar of soap, and then, when she had made her purchase,
-ask: “It is your birthday, isn’t it, Rachel? Many happy returns!
-How does it feel to be grown up?” and the little girl answer: “Very
-pleasant indeed, thank you very much, Mrs. Papworth.”
-
-“The first of the Captain’s misfortunes,” continued Mrs. Sotheby, “was
-that his wife ran away from him, and it was not long after that before
-he was killed in an accident. He was having his barn altered; it was
-an old building, nearly as old as the house, and he wanted to make it
-a couple of feet higher and was having the roof raised on jacks. They
-got one side of it up some inches, and then the foreman sent for him to
-tell him that it couldn’t be done. The Captain went to see for himself
-but he would not listen to anything the men said, but gave the word to
-go on with the work, and they had not given the screws on the other
-side half a dozen turns before the main beam broke in two and the whole
-roof fell in on them. Captain Purdue was standing just underneath, and
-was killed, and three of the men were badly injured. You see it was no
-one’s fault but his own, and indeed it was very lucky that others were
-not killed beside himself.”
-
-“But how did the house get burnt, and what had the ploughmen to do with
-it?” asked Anne.
-
-“Nothing at all,” answered Mrs. Sotheby with a laugh. “But some of the
-most ignorant of the men said that his bad luck was because they had
-ploughed the doorstep up. That’s why it was so wrong of them to behave
-like that to your father if they really believe what they say. But I
-don’t think they do believe such things nowadays: everyone laughs at
-them, but I think people will do anything if it is the custom.”
-
-“So they are expecting us to have bad luck?” asked Anne with her face
-suddenly serious.
-
-Richard looked at her rather maliciously and laughed.
-
-“Yes, we all expect you to run away from home and your father to fall
-out of a tree and break his neck while he is putting a young bird back
-into its nest.”
-
-Richard laughed at this while his mother exclaimed: “How dare you talk
-like that, Richard!”
-
-“He is only being a tease,” said Rachel, looking up at Anne. “I have
-got used to it now, and pay no attention to him.”
-
-“Finish the story, mother,” said Richard, and Anne added her voice to
-his. “Please finish the story. I am waiting to hear how the house was
-burnt down. Then I shall go home and buy some fire extinguishers.”
-
-They all laughed at this, and Mrs. Sotheby continued:
-
-“After Captain Purdue’s death it was nearly a year before the lawyers
-could find the heirs to the estate, and when they did find them the
-trouble was to know what to do with them. They called themselves Putty,
-though the name was really Purdue; the father and mother were dead and
-there were two brothers and two sisters. They had lived all their lives
-in a tumble-down cottage without proper windows or doors, right out on
-the Bedford Level, miles from anywhere. The brothers were labourers,
-ditchers. The elder of the two was called Jack: he was the best of the
-family but it was difficult to make out what he said. There was no
-getting anything out of his brother; he was stone deaf and had a cleft
-palate. The girls were very wild, dirty creatures, and not quite right
-in the head. When they were sober they were all like wooden images,
-and they looked very queer when they first came, in the black clothes
-Mr. Stott had bought for them. Well, they moved into the house, and
-within a week all the servants left and they were alone there. None of
-the gentry round would have anything to do with them; nobody went near
-the house except Dr. Boulder and Mr. Noble, who was the vicar here in
-those days, and of course Mr. Stott, the lawyer. At first they lived
-very quietly, only making a fearful mess of the three rooms they used.
-They were afraid that Mr. Stott could turn them out if he had wanted
-to, but after they had been there two or three months they grew more
-confident. And though they were like images if there were other people
-about, there was plenty of noise when they were by themselves and when
-they were drunk. Jack used to throw things and his sisters would throw
-things back. At first they came to ‘The Red Cow’ for drink, and Jack
-used sometimes to wave Captain Purdue’s hunting crop and threaten to
-horsewhip anybody who didn’t take his hat off, and one day when he had
-got very drunk he stood by the monument on the green and made a speech.
-People could hear him bellowing for miles round, but no one could make
-out much of what he said except that he was the squire, and that he
-ought to have been told before, and that he would never be rough with
-anybody.
-
-“One day when he was in ‘The Red Cow’ one of the men asked him how it
-was that he didn’t like port wine. That was the first Jack had heard
-of Captain Purdue’s cellar, for, would you believe it, the Puttys had
-never been all over the house, and the cellar being locked up they had
-not troubled to break it open. After they found the wine nothing was
-seen of them for more than a week and then, one night, we were all
-woken up with the news that the manor house had caught fire. Everyone
-in the village turned out to help and the fire engine was fetched from
-Linton, but it came too late to be any use. The whole house was ablaze
-when we got there; the dairy and stables too, for they were touching
-the house. The men had made a line from the pond and were passing
-buckets, but it did no good, for the rooms were very old-fashioned and
-all the panelling had caught alight by that time, and the staircase
-too. The flames made it as light as day.”
-
-“What about the Puttys?” asked Anne.
-
-“Well, that was a very dreadful story. Jack Putty had just broken his
-way out of the house when we got there, but the two girls and the
-deaf brother were still inside. One of the Peck boys, who went to Wet
-Coulter afterwards as a ploughman, got out both of the girls, but they
-were terribly burned, and the brother lost his life. Jack Putty did not
-seem to understand what was happening at first, but when the fire had
-taken hold of everything he missed his brother, and then he ran back
-into the house to find him. He came out again with his clothes alight
-and jumped into the pond, and then, when he got out, he ran back into
-the fire again. It was dreadful to see that. He got out alive a second
-time, and would have gone in a third time, but everyone could see it
-was no use, and they prevented him; it took four men to hold him. Poor
-fellow, his feet were terribly burned, but he didn’t seem to mind
-that, but kept crying out that he must save his brother.
-
-“After that they were all taken to the hospital, and there they found
-out that the girls were not fit to be about, so they were sent to an
-asylum for the imbecile. They have been there ever since, but Jack
-Putty seemed a different man after that. He went out to Australia; Mr.
-Stott sends him his rent regularly, and Jack sent him word when he got
-married. The property still belongs to him, of course, and that is how
-it is that the manor house has never been rebuilt.”
-
-There was a silence in the little parlour, while they turned the story
-over in their minds. Mrs. Sotheby began to poke up the fire in the
-grate, and the flames shot up; they had been sitting almost in the dark.
-
-“A wonderful story,” said Richard. “I often think of Jack Putty as a
-model: a man who was really able to love his brother as himself. That
-is the only sort of love, love which will sacrifice everything, put up
-with everything, yet ask for nothing in return. Selfish love is misery,
-I suppose it deserves to be, but how does one avoid it?”
-
-“Why do you think Jack Putty felt unselfish love?” Anne asked, feeling
-rather puzzled.
-
-“You don’t think he tried to go back into the fire for the third time
-because it was gentlemanly, do you? though I’ve no doubt he really was
-a gentleman,” answered Richard.
-
-“You would not have thought Jack Putty was a gentleman if you had seen
-him,” said his mother.
-
-“I daresay not, but I should have been wrong ... he was fearless, and
-he was independent,” said Richard.
-
-“He certainly was not a biddable man,” said Mrs. Sotheby. “But that was
-the only thing he had in common with his second cousin, Captain Purdue.”
-
-“The Peck boy went in once, to rescue the two girls, but I should
-not have gone in at all. I don’t think I should go into a burning
-house even if you or Rachel were inside it. I’m sure if Ginette ...
-Grandison.... But it’s not a proof of love at all; some people will
-risk their lives to save a kitten.” He muttered something else, but the
-others could not catch it.
-
-“I must be going,” said Anne, getting up. “Gracious me, it is past six
-o’clock.” And thanking Mrs. Sotheby for her story and kissing Rachel,
-she hurried back through the rain to the vicarage to prepare supper.
-
-
-
-
-TEN: NO GOOD-BYES
-
-
-It was morning before Anne could find any sleep, and the hours she
-spent lying in the darkness with her eyes open, or sometimes standing
-at her bedroom window gazing out at the pale lawn and the moony spaces
-of the orchard beyond, listening to the whispering notes of the little
-owls, and to the weather-vane on the dove house, whimpering as it
-swung in the wind: those hours were remembered afterwards as the most
-miserable of her life.
-
-“What have I done?” she asked herself, but she could find nothing in
-her own conduct to explain Richard’s behaviour. “If he regarded me with
-even the interest of a casual acquaintance he must have told me of his
-departure. He would have said something, surely. Even if he hates me he
-would have spoken of when he was going away.”
-
-But Richard had not mentioned it, and had it not been for a chance
-remark of Mr. Sotheby’s she would have known nothing of the matter. “He
-must have intended to hide it from me,” she said, wondering why it
-should be hidden and asking herself if it was because he was afraid of
-telling her, or because he had fancied that she was in love with him.
-
-“No, he has no such thoughts,” she assured herself. “It is because of
-his complete indifference to me. His whole mind is occupied by Ginette
-Grandison.” And suddenly, a new thought striking her, she said aloud
-and almost joyfully: “Who knows what unhappiness she may be causing
-him?” The thought of Richard’s pain was a comfort to her, and she
-wondered once more what the woman could be like who had so enslaved him.
-
-“I seem sometimes in my thoughts to assume that I am in love with
-Richard myself,” she said to herself with surprise. “But indeed I don’t
-love him. He is hateful; when I am with him I know well enough that we
-could never by any chance love each other. He is as sharp as his own
-nose; he has no feelings that I can understand. But yet I am fond of
-him, for he is the first man to whom I have been able to speak freely,
-the first man. How I long to live in a world of such men. To live in
-Paris.”
-
-Presently her thoughts turned from Richard and his cruel behaviour, to
-think of her own life and what it would become.
-
-“I should have escaped from here by now had it not been for him,” she
-said bitterly, and then, recollecting that there had been no more
-answers to her advertisement, she wondered if she would ever have
-another opportunity. “If I have the courage to advertise again,” she
-added, for even that seemed doubtful to her at that hour.
-
-“Damn the fellow,” she said at last. “He has disturbed my life to no
-purpose, he has raised a hundred questions he cannot answer; I should
-have been happier if I had never seen him.”
-
-And it seemed to her that every fresh experience in life would always
-bring her such regrets; that all struggles were only destined to make
-her suffer, and that the best course perhaps was to go through life
-blindly, living from day to day, immersed in a world of dreams like her
-father, and like him shunning all contact with her fellow creatures.
-These thoughts were dreadful to her, for the afternoons she had passed
-sitting at the Burnt Farm talking to Richard Sotheby while he painted
-her were precious. “The happiest moments in my life,” she cried. “For I
-thought then that I had found a friend.”
-
-Yet it was true: she would have been happier if she had never met him.
-
-“I am not jealous,” she exclaimed. “I know he is in love with Ginette
-Grandison; I have always known it, and it has never given me a
-moment’s pang of jealousy. If only he had spoken of her, if he had told
-me he was going back to her, I should have felt happy for his sake. I
-should not have had a single selfish thought.
-
-“But he has made me lay bare my whole life to him and has never once
-spoken of his own. I only know of the existence of Ginette Grandison by
-an accident; he would not trust me with his secret and would be annoyed
-at my knowing it. No friendship can be based on anything so one-sided
-as our conversations have been. And the reason is plain, only that I
-have been too stupid to see it before. The reason is that he never
-intended a friendship. It amused him to get my little secret from me;
-it flattered his....”
-
-But Anne suddenly checked her thought, crying: “No, that is vulgar,
-that is unworthy. The root of the matter is that I mean nothing to
-him, nothing, whilst to me he is the only man with whom I have spoken
-freely; the only intimate friend except Enid that I have ever had. And
-he cares no more for me than she did.”
-
-A flood of tears eased her heart; she turned her face to the pillow;
-then, when she had done weeping, she got out of bed once more and went
-to the window. The air was cold; there was a gust of wind in the
-chimney; the weather-cock gave its gentle whine.
-
-After standing there an hour, Anne went back to bed again with a
-picture of the darkness in her mind, saying to herself: “And so on for
-ever and ever, cold and darkness after the sunshine and the warmth of
-the day.”
-
-Next morning Anne felt ill when she woke; her head ached, she was
-dizzy, and the outer world was seen alternately as a whirling mist and
-defined with extraordinary clearness. She got up from habit, but she
-could eat nothing at breakfast, and as soon as her bed had been made
-she undressed and lay down on it, and fell asleep.
-
-When she awoke it was with the echo of Richard’s voice ringing in her
-ears; she scrambled out of bed and went at once to her window. There
-was nothing to be seen, she blinked her eyes in the brilliant sunlight
-and, reeling with sleep, groped her way back through the sudden
-darkness of the room to her bed to fall into a doze from which she
-awoke once more, this time with the certainty of having heard voices:
-beyond a doubt, one of them was Richard’s.
-
-The voices rose for a moment; then she heard the front door slam, in a
-gust of wind, and there was a silence. She understood suddenly that
-Richard had been in the house, that he had come to see her, and she got
-out of bed.
-
-The bedroom window gave on to the garden, so she ran to her father’s
-room just as she had done to see the ploughmen on that snowy winter
-morning. Her guess had been right, for there almost directly beneath
-her were Richard and her father; they were standing bare-headed in the
-rain talking amicably; she could hear her father’s gentle laugh; they
-were reluctant to part. Anne’s first instinct was to call out; to ask
-Richard to wait while she exchanged her dressing-gown for clothes in
-which she could appear, but she realized that it was impossible to
-do so, and then, with the angry feelings that every sick person has
-experienced of knowing that life is going on unchanged behind his back,
-she was forced to watch Richard disappear after shaking hands with her
-father by the garden gate.
-
-“A thousand pities,” she said to herself. “He must have come to see me.
-What can he have said to my father?” Her headache and dizziness were
-gone, she felt eager and excited, and the moments while she was putting
-on her clothes and doing up her hair were spent in trying to imagine
-the conversation that had been going on while she was asleep.
-
-“What an extraordinary thing,” said Anne, “that he should think of
-calling! Nobody but Richard would have done such a thing!” Her thoughts
-were interrupted by Maggie coming to ask her if she would like to have
-tea in bed. As she was going downstairs it occurred to her that Richard
-might have spoken of her; he would have told her father that they had
-met; he might even have mentioned his picture. As she opened the door
-into the room where her father was already sitting, she remembered
-the well-brought-up heroes in Victorian novels who ask a father’s
-permission before entering into correspondence with the girl they have
-rescued when the pony has taken the bit between its teeth and the
-governess cart is heading for the side of the quarry ... a memory which
-was driven away with a laugh, but which left her anxious and expectant
-as she took her place at the tea table.
-
-Mr. Dunnock did not make any reference to his visitor, though he
-was less abstracted than usual, asking Anne with great solicitude
-about her headache, and then saying: “I have been feeling a little
-more melancholy than usual to-day because of the bad weather, and
-so I took down Burton. In his anatomy he has much to say about the
-effect of food. The authorities all agree that beef is only safe for
-those who lead an active life; that pork is definitely bad for the
-reasoning man; that goats’ flesh disposes those who partake of it to
-evil-living; venison is most strongly condemned, and even horse-flesh
-is held to account for the well-known melancholy of your Spaniard;
-among vegetables the onion and its congeners, and I am glad to say the
-cabbage, are absolutely condemned; peas and beans should be avoided
-as far as possible, and salads and fruit only taken in the strictest
-moderation. Burton thinks that the potato may be a safe article of
-diet, and highly recommends borage.”
-
-Anne was smiling at her father’s enthusiasm. “There seems very little
-for you to eat,” she said.
-
-“Well, Anne, I do not know quite what Burton would recommend; he says
-nothing against wheaten bread; he regards fresh country cheese as
-wholesome, and speaks with enthusiasm of beer.” Mr. Dunnock giggled as
-he said this and for some reason that familiar clerical sound seemed
-to his daughter at that moment to express all that she most hated and
-despised. “The giggle is unforgivable,” she said to herself gazing
-at her father over the tea table. “He is a grown-up man; he has a
-beard; he is my father, but if beer is mentioned one hears a silly
-adolescent giggle. One would think that he was a choir boy caught with
-a cigarette.”
-
-She left the table and went out into the garden in a fury; she had
-forgotten her own embarrassment when Richard had used the word “rape.”
-
-Mr. Dunnock, absorbed in his own thoughts, hardly looked after her.
-
-“Beer,” he said, pouring himself out a fourth cup of tea, and giggling
-slightly. “Good stuff, beer. He thought that because his name was
-Burton,” and Mr. Dunnock began to wonder if Robert Burton had really
-come from Burton-on-Trent, and if beer had always been brewed there.
-
-“I forgot to tell you,” he said to Anne at supper, “that I had a visit
-this afternoon from Richard Sotheby, the son of our grocer. It was a
-great pity that you had a headache, for we do not have many interesting
-visitors. I think he is charming: a most delightful, most intelligent
-young man. But you should have told me that you had met him; you should
-have asked him to tea, and have introduced him to me. It was too bad,
-Anne, to have kept him to yourself.”
-
-Anne gasped with astonishment and, not knowing what to reply, waited
-until her father went on: “He seems to have liked you very much; you
-have made quite a conquest,” and Mr. Dunnock smiled his peculiar little
-smile which showed that he was not speaking seriously.
-
-“I thought you rather disapproved of the Sothebys,” said Anne.
-“Because, of course, they are Nonconformists.”
-
-“Well, well,” said her father, wrinkling up his face at the word, for
-it set his teeth on edge like the thought of sour fruit. “Well, well, I
-suppose they are happy with their little ugly worship; I confess their
-outlook is repugnant to me. But the son has escaped from all that. He
-told me he has been to visit Little Gidding, and asked me a number of
-questions about Nicholas Ferrar’s community. Apparently he is greatly
-interested in the antiquities of the county.”
-
-Anne had known Little Gidding all her life, and she shared her father’s
-love for the lonely little church perched on the edge of the hillside,
-with the slope of green sward below and the woods behind. She had been
-brought up to revere Nicholas Ferrar, and had loved to reconstruct a
-life which had so much of the beauty of religion in it, and nothing
-of what she disliked. Often she thought that she would have been
-content for her father to have been a clergyman if he had lived in the
-seventeenth century, or even in the eighteenth for the matter of that,
-for it was only during the reign of Queen Victoria that the clergy in
-England lost touch with the community and became self-conscious. Anne
-knew how much happier her father would have been had he belonged to
-Nicholas Ferrar’s household, and though she would not have cared for
-it herself (she would have disliked rising at four o’clock for prayers
-every morning) she wished he could live in such a way himself. Thus for
-once she was tolerant, for she loved Little Gidding, and had prayed in
-the narrow little church with an outburst of religious passion such as
-she had never experienced in Ely Cathedral.
-
-For the rest of that evening father and daughter spoke of Little
-Gidding, calling up pictures in each other’s minds of how it must be
-looking in the spring weather, and of the life of the immense and
-extraordinary household which had lived there until the Roundheads had
-burned the roof over their heads and had thrown the brass eagle lectern
-in the church into the pond below.
-
-“The men slept in one wing of the house and the women in the other,”
-Anne remembered. “And Nicholas Ferrar slept watchfully in the middle.
-That is the funny side,” but she hid her thought from her father, and
-when she spoke it was to remind him of the immense number of children
-in the community.
-
-“His daughter brought her eleven children; there were thirty people
-altogether,” said her father, and he passed on to describe the three
-visits of King Charles I, and so vivid were his words that Anne could
-picture to herself, more clearly than ever before, the visit the King
-paid during the civil war when he came toiling up the hill on foot, and
-alone, to pray.
-
-“There is no more sacred spot in England,” said Mr. Dunnock, and Anne
-was inclined to agree with him. That night she lay for some time
-without sleeping, giving herself up to the happiest thoughts, and
-when at last she dozed off it was with the picture of Richard Sotheby
-in her mind: Richard walking over the greenest turf where the manor
-house had stood, resting on the sides of the dry grassy moat, and then
-walking down by the edge of the wood to the little church with Nicholas
-Ferrar’s tomb in the pathway leading up to it, under a tombstone, the
-letters of which are written in moss. A tall figure came toiling up the
-hill to meet him; she saw a tired man with a pale face--King Charles
-the First, and try how she would to dream of Richard Sotheby, King
-Charles would reappear.
-
-“I shall certainly try to see Richard before he goes this morning,”
-Anne thought at breakfast. “I shall look in and tell Mrs. Sotheby that
-I have come to say good-bye.”
-
-But when the time came she went past the shop, for she remembered Mr.
-Sotheby’s look of surprise when he found that she was acquainted with
-his son, and the long hostile silence before he spoke, after he had
-recognized her in the painting.
-
-“Mr. Sotheby does not approve of my knowing Richard,” Anne said to
-herself, glancing through the windows of the shop. She could see no
-one inside, and the longer she meditated over the grocer’s behaviour
-at Rachel’s birthday party, the more convinced she became that he was
-jealous of her, and alarmed lest an attachment should spring up between
-his son and her.
-
-“I will go for a stroll on the green,” and looking about her she saw
-for the first time that the sun was shining, and that the grass was
-greener after the rain of the day before. “Why, the hawthorns have come
-into leaf; the horse-chestnut buds are bursting; in a few days the
-apples will be in blossom,” but the daily progress of the spring, which
-would ordinarily have given her such keen pleasure, was meaningless
-now. “I must see Richard before he goes,” she said in desperation.
-“I must arrange with him about finding me work in Paris,” and she
-remembered with dismay that she did not even know his address.
-
-Soon she turned back on her footsteps, and fully an hour was spent in
-passing and repassing the grocer’s shop.
-
-“I am wasting my time,” she thought. “For Easter is nearly upon us;
-there is much to do at the church.” But it was not possible to go
-home after waiting so long, and at last she set off along the road to
-Linton. A mile was covered before it occurred to her that Richard would
-be driving with his father, and that even if Mr. Sotheby should pull up
-it would be difficult for them to speak in front of him, and she turned
-back and walked to the village at top speed.
-
-All seemed well, for she had not passed them on the road, and she
-determined once more to enter the shop, but it occurred to her, as she
-approached, that Rachel would be coming out of school in a few minutes:
-it was just twelve o’clock.
-
-As she turned the corner by the schoolhouse, she noticed the strange
-ring deeply cut into the earth and full of dust, and wondered again
-what game the children played there.
-
-Soon the door opened and the children began to run out. “In this riot I
-shall not be able to speak to Rachel,” Anne said to herself. “But if I
-walk back towards the shop she may walk another way.”
-
-“A lovely morning, Miss Dunnock,” said a voice behind her, and she
-turned to find Mr. Lambert.
-
-The moments spent talking to him were agonizing, for every instant
-she expected to see Rachel run past her, but Mr. Lambert would not be
-hurried. Soon he began to speak of Easter, and the arrangements at the
-church, for he was a churchwarden, and when that subject was exhausted
-he returned to the weather.
-
-“One is happy to be alive on such a morning, Miss Dunnock; I envy you
-your leisure to enjoy it. Free as air, Miss Dunnock, and no one to call
-your master. Work is my master. This weather keeps us very busy.”
-
-“Impertinent puppy,” said Anne to herself, though as a matter of fact
-she rather liked Mr. Lambert, and saw nothing impertinent in his
-manners.
-
-At the very moment when Mr. Lambert released her she heard Rachel’s
-voice saying: “Good morning, Miss Dunnock,” and the little girl ran by
-her with two or three other children. Anne saw that it was useless to
-wait any longer, and returned to the vicarage; there was nothing to be
-angry about, nobody was at fault.
-
-“There was this note left for you. Rachel Sotheby brought it over,”
-said Maggie when she went into the kitchen, and Anne thought the
-girl’s grin was an impertinence too.
-
-Richard had gone by the early morning train. “I am so sorry not to see
-you to say good-bye,” he wrote. “You must not forget your promise to
-write, and remember to tell me all the news of the parish.” He enclosed
-his address.
-
-
-
-
-ELEVEN: BEFORE THE SWALLOW DARES
-
-
-Easter was over, but the church at Dry Coulter was still full of the
-scent of flowers mingled with the odour of their corruption. A necklace
-of decayed marsh-mallows hung forlornly round the neck of the eagle;
-its brazen beak held a bunch of wilted cowslips, but the daffodils and
-narcissus on the altar still breathed out their perfume. Easter was
-over, and Mr. Dunnock heaved a sigh of relief for he had come to feel
-the church festivals a great strain upon him.
-
-Easter was over; Mrs. Pattle marched up the aisle on her flat feet and
-began tearing down the flowers which her children had gathered three
-days before.
-
-Mr. Dunnock walked by the little pathway from the vestry to his wife’s
-grave, and stood there looking at the headstone. He stayed there so
-long and stood so still that a robin, recognizing a friend in him, came
-to perch on his shoulder.
-
-“The resurrection of the flesh has come to pass,” Mr. Dunnock said
-aloud. “These ones come to me and they commune with me; why does she
-alone delay?”
-
-At last a cow lowing on the other side of the hedge, interrupted the
-clergyman’s reverie; he started slightly and coming to himself began
-to pull his beard with a gesture of despair, and the robin, who had
-been wondering if he could induce his wife to nest in it, flew off to a
-tombstone, disappointed.
-
-“I live in two worlds,” Mr. Dunnock reflected. “Only the saints know
-how terrible the strain of such an experience can be. I cannot bear
-it much longer; something will break in me. My head aches when I am
-recalled from the contemplation of so much glory to the pettiness in
-which men live, their eyes on the ground and their ears stopped to
-the voices of the angels. I cannot endure it any longer; it would be
-better, I think, if I were to live alone.” He clutched at his head
-suddenly, and then walked rapidly from the churchyard towards the
-vicarage. But the song of a willow wren caught his ear as he passed
-under the elms, and he paused to listen. The clear top note was
-followed by a stream of softer sounds and ended with a cadence of lower
-notes, a touch of melancholy in which the vicar felt his own heart
-expressed. The bird sang, and sang again, and Mr. Dunnock, resting his
-shoulder against the rough bark of an elm, listened without seeing the
-approach of two village women, or noticing their inquisitive glances
-as they passed near him, or hearing their words, for, in answer to a
-nudge, one of them had protested to her companion: “Oh, dear me, Fanny.
-Don’t.”
-
-They were silent for fear of laughing, but when they had passed the
-vicar, one of them said: “Maggie told me she couldn’t make anything of
-his sermon on Easter Sunday. It was all about Easter Eggs being the
-promise of glory. She didn’t know what he meant by it.”
-
-But the women did not laugh, and soon turned to safer and more
-interesting topics of conversation.
-
-The willow wren had been silent a long while, and was looking for
-worms, when at last for Mr. Dunnock also the mood of ecstasy passed;
-he looked about him startled and bewildered, and then, reassured by
-finding he was alone, he shook his head sadly, and the first glance of
-fear was replaced by a bitter smile as he hurried back to the vicarage
-at top speed.
-
-“Lay my meals on a tray in future,” he said to Maggie a few minutes
-later. “And put the tray on the table in the passage outside my study.
-I shall hear if you tap on the door.” Words which were repeated to
-Anne when she came down to lunch. She was content to be alone, but at
-dinner she was disturbed at this alteration in her father’s habits,
-wondering whether he were unwell, or whether by any chance Maggie were
-right in believing that he wished the change to be permanent. But this
-seemed to her so unlikely a possibility that she did not dwell on it,
-and, when the meal was over, she lit the lamp and settled down with
-her drawing-board in front of her; she had at last begun the fashion
-plates which she had been projecting all the winter. The fine weather
-had returned after Richard Sotheby’s departure, and for the first day
-of warm sunshine Anne had found happiness enough in being out of doors,
-a happiness shot through with irritation against herself.
-
-“I am wasting my life looking at this pear blossom. What does it
-matter to me whether the fruit set or not? I shall be gone before the
-gathering.” But her habitual interest had been too strong for her, and
-she had watched the bees flying in and out among the masses of curdy
-petals with delight.
-
-“I am lingering on. I shall linger all my life. I must go now; I must
-leave home to-day.”
-
-But it was impossible to leave on the day before Easter, and instead
-of packing her box, she had gone to the church to pin up the notice
-saying: “There will be no service on Saturday, when the church will be
-open for decoration.”
-
-When Saturday had come she had gone herself to help the little girls,
-and it was not until after Easter was over that the fashion plates had
-been begun. The results of her labours surpassed Anne’s expectations;
-such fashion plates as hers she felt sure would excite the Parisian
-dressmakers.
-
-“I must send them to Richard at once,” she said as she took out the
-drawing-pins. But the thought of waiting for a letter, and the agony
-of uncertainty in which she saw herself, dismayed her. In her mood of
-exultation delay of any kind seemed impossible.
-
-“But I will wait all the same,” she said, “until I have finished a
-dozen, and then I shall go to Paris myself to seek my fortune. I will
-write and tell Richard that I am coming.”
-
-The letter was put off; she would not write until she knew the day and
-the hour of her arrival, and for several days she worked hard, shutting
-herself up in her room every morning when the bed had been made. When
-she laid down her brush it was to plan how she would have her hair cut
-off in London, and how she would buy herself a smart dress for the
-journey, for she believed that she would never impress a dressmaker in
-such rags as she possessed. With her mind full of such matters, Anne
-rose and looked out of her window; the first blush of pink petals was
-showing through the early green of the apple trees; in another week
-they would be in full blossom. Under the trees Mr. Dunnock was standing
-with his arms raised above his head, gazing up at the sky, a pose which
-Anne found sufficiently startling to make her look again, carefully
-screening her eyes from the sunlight. Her father stood motionless;
-every little while she could see a small bird fly up and settle on his
-shoulder.
-
-“I have scarcely spoken to father for three days; I must speak to him
-now and tell him of my plans,” and as she made this resolution, she
-saw him moving slowly across the lawn. As he came nearer she saw that
-a crowd of little birds was following him, a wild twittering came from
-them, they were mobbing him as though he were a cat or an owl; at every
-moment birds would settle on his head or shoulders, or on his up-raised
-hands, and then would fly off again.
-
-A beautiful spectacle it seemed to Anne, and she felt a new tenderness
-for her father as she watched. The thin black figure with the head
-thrown back, the eyes turned up, and the beard jutting out, no longer
-seemed queer as it had a moment before, when she had first caught
-sight of it standing under the apple trees.
-
-“He will feel my desertion,” she murmured, a sudden sympathy with her
-father coming to her, and she felt a love which had been forgotten for
-many months.
-
-“First mother, and then me,” she said. But her love did not weaken her
-determination to speak to him of her departure, but strengthened it.
-
-When Mr. Dunnock reached the house, he shook his head, first gently,
-but then, as a blue-tit still remained perched there, more violently,
-and then turning round waved his hands towards the birds which had
-settled in the rose bushes about the door. Anne saw that he was
-bestowing a benediction. She did not wait longer, but hurrying
-downstairs, followed her father into his study.
-
-“We see very little of each other now, father,” she said.
-
-Mr. Dunnock started at her words and looked round at her with guilty
-eyes.
-
-“Yes, Anne, yes,” he murmured. “Do you wish to speak to me? Something
-perhaps about the housekeeping?” and he began to fidget with his
-fingers, wishing that she would go away.
-
-“I have wanted to speak to you for some time,” said Anne. “I have been
-thinking a great deal about my own life. It will seem very selfish to
-you, and very heartless. It is very selfish....”
-
-“We are all of us selfish,” said Mr. Dunnock. “What is it that you
-want?”
-
-“I want to go away, at least for a time,” said Anne. “I do not want to
-settle down for the rest of my life without seeing something of the
-world. I have never been to London.”
-
-There was a silence, and after a little she went on: “I shall have to
-earn my own living, of course, but that should not be impossible. An
-experiment ... an experience ... the experience would be good for me. I
-have never been to London. There are so many things.”
-
-“That seems a very sensible plan, if it can be managed,” said Mr.
-Dunnock, cutting her short. “But then you have plenty of good sense,
-Anne, more than I have in some ways.”
-
-He sat down suddenly at his writing table, dropping his head between
-his hands, and there he remained, silent for so long that Anne began to
-wonder if he had forgotten her, but she said nothing, only repeating
-under her breath: “It is settled: I am leaving home.”
-
-But at last Mr. Dunnock looked up, saying: “Let me see.... What was
-I going to say? You will require some money, Anne, if you are going
-away. I can give you twenty pounds, enough to enable you to look about
-you. Do as you think best, dear child, in every way.” His head began to
-nod again, and then, as if suddenly waking up, he said:
-
-“I am glad you are going, Anne. I am glad the suggestion came from you:
-that it should be your own wish. I am rather bad company, I know, but
-there is a reason for that. You think my life here is narrow perhaps,
-but you see only one side. I can assure you that you are mistaken; my
-life is incredibly rich and overflowing with happiness. But that has to
-be hidden; there is a reason for that. I need loneliness; you perhaps
-need to see the world at present, but we shall meet again, and I have
-no fear that ultimately ... you will understand what is hidden....” He
-broke off disconnectedly, and suddenly Anne felt her happiness shot
-through by a feeling of dismay, in which she wondered if she could
-leave her father to fend for himself. Such phrases were familiar to her
-from his lips, but they seemed strange coming at such a moment and when
-she went from the room it was with a conviction that she would be doing
-wrong to go away.
-
-Her scruples were soon forgotten in the excitement of making plans, and
-the rest of the day was spent in packing and unpacking a wooden box
-with her possessions. Two days later all was ready, and the hour of her
-departure had been fixed for the morrow. In the morning she went to say
-good-bye to Mrs. Sotheby, and to ask if Rachel would come to have tea
-with her.
-
-“We shall miss you very much,” said Mrs. Sotheby. “But I shall try to
-think that you are enjoying yourself seeing more of the world than you
-would here. I hardly know what to say about Rachel. You know how fond
-she is of you. She will want to come to say good-bye; it is a great
-pity that Mr. Sotheby has arranged to take us to see the cottages at
-Linton. You would not care to come with us, I suppose? Then everyone
-would be happy.”
-
-“I should like to come very much,” said Anne, “if I shall not be in the
-way.”
-
-“I’ll just ask Mr. Sotheby if there will be room in the dog-cart for us
-all,” said the old woman and, through the opened door into the parlour,
-Anne could see the grocer sitting at the table, looking up from a sheet
-of blue paper with a T-square in his hands.
-
-They set off soon after lunch, Anne sitting on the back seat of the
-dog-cart with Rachel, but the pony did not seem to feel the extra
-weight. Anne soon set Rachel talking, and the little girl kept her
-amused with stories of her school, and how she had been teased about
-her brother, and it was some time before she broke the news of her
-own departure. Rachel stared down at the road, a yellow river flowing
-so swiftly from below the dog-cart that she could not distinguish the
-stones in it. “You won’t ever think of me; you won’t write to me; you
-won’t ever come back,” were her thoughts, but she knew that she must
-hide her unhappiness, and when she spoke, as the trap drew up smartly,
-it was to ask: “Will you be going to Paris?” a question which Anne
-found so disturbing that she saw little of the first cottage into which
-she was led. The smell of fresh paint, mingled with the fragrance
-of aromatic pine shavings on the plank floors, recalled her to her
-surroundings, and she listened for a moment to Mr. Sotheby, who was
-speaking to her.
-
-“These cottages are only a stepping-stone to greater things, Miss
-Dunnock. I have mortgaged them already. What Linton lacks is a
-high-class Temperance Hotel, overlooking the river. Such a hotel would
-attract visitors for the fishing and boating, and would cater also
-for the more respectable commercial men. A Temperance Hotel would
-wake up trade in the town, and would provide a delightful centre for
-holiday-makers and abstainers, and men from the university.”
-
-“What shall I say to Rachel?” Anne asked herself as she followed the
-grocer up the little staircase into the poky bedrooms, which smelt of
-varnish.
-
-“A little shop like ours is a great snare for a man with ambition. I
-have wasted the best years of my life in it, years during which I might
-have built up a great merchandising house. But this hotel, and others
-like it, will soon make my son a rich man, and provide for Rachel. A
-Temperance Hotel with a grand loggia looking over the river, pillars
-with climbing roses, a small winter garden with azaleas.... We must
-move with the times, you know, Miss Dunnock.”
-
-Anne descended the narrow stairs and followed Mrs. Sotheby across a
-patch of sticky clay to the dog-cart.
-
-“Yes, I am going to Paris. Don’t tell anyone; it is a secret,” she said
-to the little girl as they drove off. It was only after saying this
-that Anne looked up at the cottages, seeing them for the first time.
-Their extreme ugliness and the evident signs of jerry-building dismayed
-her.
-
-“What will the next thing be like?” she asked herself, remembering
-the grocer had spoken of an hotel, and expecting to see it round the
-corner. In a moment or two Mr. Sotheby drew rein by the side of the
-quiet stream of the Ouse, but there was no building visible, only an
-empty field, the site for the new hotel.
-
-“A lounge hall lit entirely by windows of yellow stained glass is my
-idea,” said Mr. Sotheby. “It will give the effect of sunshine all
-the year round. The landing-stage is to run the entire length of the
-building. It will be covered by a glass roof. There is to be a garage
-on the right and a boathouse on the left, each under its own dome
-of glass, thus giving symmetry to the whole. There will be central
-heating, a lift, electric light, a banqueting hall....”
-
-Anne gazed at the water-logged field, at the slow stream with the
-bunches of reeds and the gasworks on the opposite bank, and ceased to
-listen to Mr. Sotheby’s words. The mud and water and slime would remain
-mud and water and slime; the fine old bridge with the toll house,
-which had once been a chapel, would stay there; nothing would move the
-gasworks, and Anne felt unable to picture to herself the glittering
-abomination of which the grocer spoke, on that melancholy river bank.
-
-But Mr. Sotheby went on talking for some time, and, turning her head,
-Anne could see that his wife was not listening, and her own attention
-soon wandered. She saw the whip being pointed first in one direction
-and then in another, and the white beard which wagged as the grocer
-opened and shut his mouth, but the stream of words went on unheard. At
-last Mr. Sotheby picked up the reins, cracked his whip, and they set
-off for home. Except for Rachel, they had enjoyed themselves as Mrs.
-Sotheby had predicted.
-
-No one in Dry Coulter would have recognized the slim figure in a
-fashionable tailor-made dress who took her seat in the boat-train three
-days later. When she shook her head to refuse the offer of magazines,
-no hairpins flew on to the platform, and the reason was explained when
-she removed her rakish little hat: Anne wore an Eton crop. Her whole
-character seemed to her to have changed, and looking into the mirror
-in the lid of her little vanity-case, she was pleased with her new
-self. For a moment she fingered an unused lip-stick and then, laughing
-to herself, deliberately reddened her lips. She was off to Paris,
-alone, to seek her fortune. Her father, everyone at Dry Coulter, every
-experience she had ever had in her life seemed never to have existed.
-It was a dream which would be speedily forgotten, and reaching for her
-bag, Anne opened a French book of which Richard had spoken.
-
-Somewhere in the Weald of Kent, the grinding noise of the brakes,
-suddenly applied, disturbed her reading. The train dragged itself to a
-halt and a long silence followed.
-
-At last Anne threw open the window and peered into the darkness.
-There was nothing to be seen but a red light shining somewhere down
-the line, and the vague forms of oak trees near at hand. For a moment
-there was nothing to be heard, and then, suddenly, her ear caught a
-far-off melodious chuckle and a moment afterwards the first startling
-clear notes of a bird’s song. The red light changed to green; there was
-a long puff, and a series of snorts from the engine; the ticking of
-released brakes, and once more the train was in motion. But Anne had
-recognized the note of the nightingale.
-
-“Love,” she said to herself, and began laughing.
-
-
-
-
-TWELVE: RICHARD’S FRIENDS
-
-
-Two men and a woman were having breakfast in the studio in their
-dressing-gowns.
-
-“Oh, my God, Grandison!” exclaimed Richard Sotheby, after looking into
-the letter which Anne had posted two days before in London. “What am I
-to do? Here is that girl arriving in Paris to-morrow. She asks me to
-get her lodgings, and to meet her at the station. What on earth am I to
-do? I wonder if I could stop her coming.... She doesn’t give her London
-address. No, I can’t stop her. Oh, what a curse....”
-
-Grandison laughed and, turning to the woman beside her, told her the
-news in bad French. A look of incredulity passed over her brown face,
-and then she also began to laugh. The dark eyes sparkled with malice,
-the even white teeth shone, she put the point of her healthy pink
-tongue between her painted lips; and then, the humour of the situation
-increasing as she turned the news over in her mind, she sprang up and
-danced bare-footed round the breakfast table in the middle of the
-immense room. The skirts of the silk dressing-gown whirled round the
-lithe body; every movement was lovely, but neither of the men looked
-at her. When she stopped it was to pour out a flood of questions which
-went unanswered.
-
-“It is not a joke,” said Richard Sotheby gloomily. “You will have to
-help me. You don’t object, I suppose,” he added in French to the girl,
-“if Grandison devotes his time to her?”
-
-“How insolent you are, Richard!” said the woman, taking hold of
-Grandison’s arm, and putting her cheek beside his head. “I am to be
-sacrificed because you can’t face a woman. I could call you some hard
-names if I chose.” She pouted, but at once went on: “But I won’t, for
-I sympathize with you. Really I am anxious to see this girl of yours,
-Richard. It will be a curiosity. Are you going to bring her to live
-with us? I shall be charming to her, and she will keep me company
-sometimes. Two men is more than I can manage.” She pouted again, and
-added in tones of deep tenderness: “Two dirty Englishmen.”
-
-Richard Sotheby looked at her with a patient smile, then, ignoring her
-questions, he turned to his friend and said, speaking in English: “And
-two women is more than I can manage.”
-
-Grandison flushed with anger, but Richard forestalled anything he might
-have said by adding: “My dear, you know I am fond of Ginette; don’t
-misunderstand what I say. But two women is more than I can put up
-with....”
-
-“Why on earth will you persist in regarding Ginette as a woman?”
-demanded the younger man in tones of fury. “Woman! woman! It’s always
-woman with you. Ginette is Ginette, just as I am Gerald and you are
-Richard.”
-
-Sotheby did not reply, and his friend’s angry tones soon subsided.
-Harmony was restored while the breakfast dishes were cleared away,
-and for the rest of the morning Anne’s arrival was discussed calmly,
-sometimes in English, sometimes in French, while the two men painted
-and Ginette posed. In the evening everything that had been said in the
-morning was repeated, but at last it was decided that Grandison should
-meet Anne at the station, instead of Richard, and that he should take
-her to an hotel.
-
-“Let it be on the other side of Paris,” said Richard next morning, as
-he and Grandison left the studio on their way to the station, for he
-had decided to accompany his friend in order to point out the girl whom
-he was to meet.
-
-“Everything in France is different,” Anne said to herself as she
-looked out of the window of the train. “Those trees must be elms, but
-they have been shaved like French poodles so that they are scarcely
-recognizable. These are fields of corn, and here are cocks and hens
-and cart-sheds, but they do not seem to be the real things so much as
-imitations of ours. And the houses! How extraordinarily different are
-the houses!” for the train was passing through a station, and building
-after building flashed by her: dreary houses with the stucco peeling
-off them, each with its broken-slatted shutters beside the windows,
-houses such as do not exist in England.
-
-“If there is any beauty in this country it is of another kind from
-our English beauty, just as the ugliness is unlike our ugliness.” The
-change did not dismay her; it had the same effect of strangeness as the
-reflection of her own cropped head in the glass, seen unexpectedly as
-she lifted her handbag from off the luggage rack.
-
-The train was approaching Paris, and before many minutes had passed a
-porter in a blue blouse had seized upon her handbag and Anne forgot to
-look for Richard Sotheby in the effort to produce a good impression
-on the porter. But even the inadequacy of her French could not detain
-him for more than a moment. His moustache trembled eagerly, his eye
-flashed, then he had disappeared.
-
-“What a lovely outline there is to his cheek, how clear his
-complexion, how expressive his every movement!” and looking after the
-porter she began to fancy that if all Frenchmen were as handsome as the
-porter she would be in love with them all. “The beauty of the French
-face,” she said, “lies in the beauty of the cheekbones. An English face
-is made up of eyes and nose and mouth: the rest of the face is a blank
-space, but take away a Frenchman’s eyes: so often like eggs, or olives,
-take away his nose, and his mouth (always an uninteresting mouth) and
-you find his face is still full of expression and of beauty, indeed the
-face is improved.”
-
-But the porter was back, and had set off down the platform with a
-commanding gesture to Anne to follow him, when she found herself being
-accosted by a stranger.
-
-“Is this Miss Dunnock? My name’s Grandison,” he said. “Richard Sotheby
-asked me to meet you here; he is not able to come himself....”
-
-“Ginette Grandison’s brother,” Anne said to herself, looking into the
-surly, boyish face, and noticing Grandison’s shyness. Meanwhile the
-porter with the lovely cheekbones had disappeared with her suit-case.
-
-“What does the porter matter?” she thought. “What does the suit-case
-matter? What does it matter what this young man is mumbling about
-Richard? No, nothing matters. This is Paris; I have arrived, and a
-delightful happy life awaits me with these charming people. The opera
-... friends.” In such a mood it seemed scarcely surprising that Richard
-should after all come up to them just as they were climbing into a cab.
-
-“What is the latest news from Dry Coulter?” he asked, taking the seat
-beside her. Anne had not slept; the channel crossing by night was too
-exciting an experience to be missed, and she had remained on deck,
-watching the receding lights of England disappear, and then the lights
-of France springing up out of the darkness and growing in brilliance
-and in number.
-
-“Dry Coulter?” she asked, and for the first moment the name conveyed
-nothing to her. “How can you ask about Dry Coulter when we are in
-Paris!” Richard laughed and Anne added at once: “Oh, I went with your
-father and mother and Rachel to see the new cottages, and the site for
-the hotel.”
-
-“What hotel?” asked Richard, but while Anne was explaining she did
-not notice the look of anxiety on his face, for she was too much
-taken up with looking out of the taxi window. Soon she was asking
-questions: “What is that building? that street? that monument?” and
-was astonished that neither Richard nor his friend could tell her.
-She would have liked to spend hours driving about Paris, feeling Mr.
-Grandison’s gaze fixed upon her, and aware of the slight flush on her
-own cheek, but suddenly they rattled over a bridge and had turned into
-a narrow lane.
-
-“I have taken a room for you here,” said Richard as they drew up. “You
-get your breakfast in your room, and an evening meal for about four
-shillings a day. I took it for a week. I suppose you will be staying a
-week in Paris.”
-
-“I shall be staying for ever,” answered Anne.
-
-Grandison gave a short, loud laugh. “I like the way you said that,” he
-exclaimed, handing her suit-case out of the cab.
-
-A sleepy-looking man had opened the hotel door, and was taking her
-luggage.
-
-“We’ll call for you this evening, and take you out to dinner if that
-would suit you,” said Richard; and the next moment the taxi began to
-move off and she found herself alone.
-
-“I shall like Mr. Grandison,” she said as she followed the doorkeeper
-upstairs, and the excitement of looking at her room was mingled with
-the excitement of imagining that in a few days she would be laughing
-with the handsome man who had met her, and that he would lose his
-surliness and his shyness as they walked through Paris side by side.
-By the time she had finished unpacking she felt tired, and she lay
-down on the bed to rest. She could not sleep, and an hour later, when
-she looked out of the window and saw that the sunlight, which had
-greeted her on her arrival, had given place to driving rain. She had no
-umbrella, nor mackintosh, so she could not go out, and she felt shy and
-uncomfortable as she walked through the passages of the hotel. When she
-tried to speak to the chambermaid she found that she had forgotten her
-few words of French, but at last the day passed by and she was called
-from her room to find Mr. Grandison waiting for her in the hall.
-
-“Richard sent me: he will meet us in the restaurant,” he said. They got
-into a cab, for it was still raining, and drove in silence until Anne,
-looking out of the window, asked what street they were in. “I don’t
-know,” answered the young man. “There are so many streets in Paris. But
-it is quite easy to find one’s way about.”
-
-Anne would have liked to ask him about his sister, but she lacked the
-courage and nothing more was said. The restaurant to which they had
-driven was like a hundred others which they had passed on the way,
-and appeared indistinguishable from the restaurants on either side of
-it; each with basket-work chairs heaped upside down on the little iron
-tables outside, with an awning flapping in the wind, and “Brasserie”
-written in gigantic letters along the front. It was still raining, but
-when they had passed through the doors they found the room was crowded.
-
-Richard was waiting for them at a corner table, and they sat down. Soon
-food was brought them, and Richard began to speak about the restaurant,
-but Anne hardly took in his words and forgot to help herself from the
-little dishes, for she was charmed by the scene before her: the small
-tables, each with its merry party, men laughing hastily before filling
-their mouths with soup, swallowing it, and then laughing again as they
-tore the long rolls of bread to pieces with their fingers.
-
-But Richard was pressing Anne to help herself, handing her the little
-dishes and filling her glass with yellow wine, then turning and
-speaking to Grandison about some play of Ibsen’s which was being acted
-at a theatre in Paris. Anne’s pleasure was increased by knowing that
-Richard and his friend were talking of a play which she had read, and
-that she could share in the discussion if she chose, but her attention
-wandered once more, and she was the first to notice a girl who came
-towards them threading her way between the tables, followed by a fat
-man with a square red beard, who stopped to speak to some acquaintances
-who hailed him as he passed. But the girl came on and held out a cool
-brown hand for Anne to shake.
-
-“Mademoiselle Lariboisière--always called Ginette,” said Richard.
-Ginette was beautiful, very beautiful, and Anne wondered how the
-mistake had arisen which had made her expect Ginette to be Mr.
-Grandison’s sister. Instead of that she was a Frenchwoman with a lean
-brown face like a mask and dark hazel eyes with black lashes.
-
-“If I were only like Ginette,” she thought, a wish that recurred for
-many days afterwards whenever she was in her company, never guessing
-that the French girl was saying to herself: “If I were only like this
-English girl of Richard’s!”
-
-Ginette sat down opposite them without appearing surprised that Richard
-and Gerald should go on talking in English and pay no attention to her,
-interrupting each other, laughing at one moment and becoming almost
-angry in the next. But though they were talking in English, Anne did
-not listen either; she gazed across the table at Ginette, wishing that
-she could speak to her and get to know her. At last the meal was over,
-the dishes were cleared away and soon they were joined by the fat man,
-in spite of all appearances an American.
-
-Anne found that he was kissing her hand, and a drop of soup from his
-beard was smeared over her fingers. Her face showed her disgust as she
-jumped up from her seat, and without speaking to the American, who had
-drawn a chair near her, she went over to Ginette. But Ginette did not
-understand English, and after one or two halting sentences Anne fell
-into silence.
-
-The group round the table was joined by several people, and each
-newcomer shook hands all round the table before sitting down. Anne
-had never shaken hands so often in her life, but there was no more
-hand-kissing and there were no more beards. A Chinaman seated himself
-beside Ginette, and they spoke so slowly that Anne was able to
-follow their conversation; and she was astonished that she had heard
-everything they said on the lips of English curates at tea parties
-in English parsonages. After a little while Grandison came and sat
-beside her and poured her out a glass of something warm, perfumed and
-sticky; it seemed the most delicious liquid that she had ever tasted.
-Conversation flowed on all sides of her, but she sat quiet, saying
-nothing and looking at the pink face and the fair hair of Richard’s
-friend and then at the Chinaman, who was talking so quietly and so
-tediously about the fatigues of railway journeys to Ginette, both of
-them indifferent to the shouting, excited group clustered round Richard
-and the red-bearded American. Anne did not gather what the subject
-of their argument was and she felt no desire to do anything. An hour
-passed and then another hour, and once Grandison called to the waiter,
-who refilled her little glass with the liqueur. It was enough for her
-to know that she was in Paris, and that this was her welcome. The
-voices, the faces, the Chinaman and Ginette melted into a dream full
-of colour and of movement and shot through with music; her head nodded
-and when Grandison touched her on the shoulder she smiled at him and
-realized that she was very tired.
-
-“I want to go to bed,” she said. “Will you please tell me the address
-of my hotel?”
-
-“I’ll see you home,” he said. “Richard is set now; he will stay here
-for hours.”
-
-It had stopped raining, and they walked. The streets gleamed, and they
-turned into a great open place filled with trees and people sauntering
-under them. Men in groups were talking and laughing, pretty girls and
-painted women flashed their golden teeth as they passed by.
-
-“How beautiful a town is,” Anne said, almost unconscious that she was
-speaking aloud. “But I shall never be at home in one. The stones of the
-streets frighten me. I love the garden where:
-
- Stumbling on melons as I pass
- Insnared with flowers, I fall on grass,
- Annihilating all that’s made
- To a green thought in a green shade.”
-
-She paused for a moment, stumbled with sleepiness and took Grandison’s
-arm.
-
-“The crowd here is so thick,” she continued. “The faces search one’s
-face, the eyes meet one’s eyes, yet they all seem to be looking for
-someone they can never find.”
-
-They walked on slowly for some way in silence, but at last she spoke
-again.
-
-“I believe everyone here is pursuing a dream, just as I pursued a dream
-walking under the elms at home; they speak to each other and pass on,
-but they never know each other. Man is always alone. They speak to each
-other, their eyes meet and sparkle; they smile and take each other
-by the arm: all in a dream. Here am I walking beside you, both of us
-are dreaming, unable to awake or to speak to each other.” There was
-a pause; Grandison did not contradict what she had said, and then she
-murmured, more to herself than to him: “I am utterly alone, but so is
-everybody else.”
-
-They continued walking for a long way through deserted streets. Anne
-was feeling depressed by her train of thought, and Grandison was
-silent, but when at last they reached the Rue de Beaune she felt as if
-he had spoken and she had understood.
-
-They shook hands, he looked into her eyes, cleared his throat as if he
-were going to speak, swallowed something, but then turned away without
-a word.
-
-“I was wrong,” Anne said, feeling her heart filled once more with hope.
-“There is patience and nobility and honesty and faithfulness in the
-world.” As she dropped asleep it seemed to her that these qualities
-were inseparable from blue eyes and fair hair and fresh, blunt
-features.
-
-
-
-
-THIRTEEN: PARIS
-
-
-Next day, when she got up, Anne said to herself that she must see
-Richard at once to discuss her plans with him. But the beauty of the
-day tempted her to explore Paris. The morning was spent happily in
-looking into the windows of the shops in the Rue de Rivoli and in
-buying herself an umbrella; then she lunched alone, thinking that
-it would be better to reach the studio in the afternoon. But it was
-already late before she found Montmartre, and when at last she had
-mounted the staircase and had rung the bell she was prepared for
-Richard to be out.
-
-“A day wasted,” she said to herself, but in her heart she felt that it
-had been well spent, wishing that she could spend another day and then
-another in wandering about Paris. In the evening she had dinner at her
-hotel, and then went out once more to see the town by night.
-
-“I can never get lost in Paris so long as I can find the river, for if
-I follow the river sooner or later I must come to the Pont Royal, and
-from there it is but a step to my hotel.” She walked along the quays
-for some little way, but the Place de la Concorde tempted her with its
-wide expanse, and presently she found herself under the trees of the
-Champs Elysées. The clouds parted and the moonlight shone through the
-young leaves, a few dark figures moved in the shadows, and a band of
-young men passed her humming a foxtrot. Anne stopped for a moment and
-waved her arms with a sense of freedom and then strode rapidly up the
-hill.
-
-At the Étoile she turned to the left down an avenue, which she guessed
-would bring her to the river, and when she saw the moonlight shining
-over the water she cried aloud: “I am free. I can do what I like; I can
-live how I like. I may never see Richard or his friend or anyone I have
-ever met, again. I have no friends in the world. Nobody can interfere
-now with my happy life!” And suddenly, as she gazed over the water,
-Anne remembered how she had wept in her bedroom on the morning when
-the ploughmen had come. “No need for tears now that the accursed chain
-is broken. Who would guess, meeting me here, that I was the vicar’s
-daughter with no hope of escaping from the parish? I am still alone,
-absolutely alone, but I care nothing for that because I am free. I
-am free!” she repeated in a loud voice which startled her, but there
-was no one near her, and she set off along the bank of the river.
-“I shall never go back!” she said, drawing herself up proudly, then,
-looking at the water, she wished that she could bathe, and her gaiety
-and irresponsibility were such that she was almost on the point of
-undressing beneath a lamp-post and plunging in. She recollected in time
-that she would be saved by a French policeman, and walked on laughing
-as she pictured to herself the explanations that she would offer next
-morning in the police-court in her broken French.
-
-“Richard would never forgive me if I dragged him to a police-court,”
-she said, and her thoughts went back to her father. “Strange how blind
-I was, thinking that he needed me when he welcomed my going. But, who
-knows? he may be missing me now.” She turned back when she had reached
-St. Cloud and retraced her footsteps easily; in less than an hour she
-had reached the Pont Royal.
-
-“I have done something that no respectable girl should do,” she said as
-she went up to her room. “I have run the risk of being spoken to in the
-street. Apparently I am not attractive enough to be in any danger from
-the vicious,” she added as she looked in the glass, but she was pleased
-with what she saw there and fell asleep at once.
-
-There was a letter from Richard waiting for her asking her to luncheon
-the following day, and when the time came Anne was overjoyed to see a
-familiar face once more, though she had been repeating to herself the
-words she had spoken by the river.
-
-The door of the studio was opened by Ginette, who held out a cool hand.
-As the girl turned to lead her in, Anne looked at the dark head with
-the short black hairs cropped close to the brown neck and such envy
-filled her at the sight that she nearly burst into tears. To be cool
-and dark and brown, to live in a studio with two men, to talk French,
-such were the hopeless ambitions which filled her heart. Grandison got
-up from his chair as she came in but he said nothing, only bowed and
-sat down again with his eyes on her face. Richard was washing his hands
-in the corner. “Don’t come near me, Anne, I am covered with paint,” he
-called out, but his voice sounded friendly as though he were glad to
-see her.
-
-Ginette laid her hand on her shoulder:
-
-“You are very beautiful,” she brought out laboriously. She had been
-practising the phrase all the morning, and the unexpected words set
-Anne blushing with pleasure. “Richard has said much of you but not that
-you are beautiful. He is bad.”
-
-Anne’s blush was a blush of happiness, and she caught the French girl
-by the hand and pressed it. Ginette laughed and raised her eyebrows,
-and would have spoken if they had not been startled by Grandison, who
-ordered them to sit down to luncheon.
-
-“I have brought some of the drawings I did for fashion plates to show
-you,” said Anne, but Richard did not refer to them when the meal was
-over; he seemed more interested in Dry Coulter than in Paris, and began
-to speak of the village while his companions sat in silence.
-
-“I have heard from Rachel: she is very excited as she is going to
-be chosen Queen of the May. You know May-day is even more of an
-institution than Plough Monday,” he said, turning towards Grandison.
-“It is celebrated more pleasantly in an English village than in Paris.”
-And Richard began to describe how five little girls were chosen, of
-whom Rachel would be the leader, to go from house to house carrying an
-arbour of flowers and singing whatever songs they happened to know.
-
-“The arbour is made of cowslips and may, with a few of the early purple
-orchids,” said Anne, calling up the memory of May-day a year ago. “It
-was raining when they came to the vicarage and they wore yellow ribbons
-and sang ‘Ta ra ra Boom de ay.’ I opened the door and they went on
-singing without paying any attention to the sixpence I held out to
-them.”
-
-“That sixpence went to the chapel Sunday School Treat,” said Richard.
-“Paganism has been made respectable.”
-
-“What will Rachel wear as the May Queen?”
-
-“She speaks of a wreath of pansies if there are enough of them out to
-make it; her companions will have chaplets of forget-me-nots, and they
-will carry the bower while she carries an armful of tulips. She did not
-speak of her dress, but of course it will be a white one, and they will
-wear black worsted stockings and solid little hobnailed boots laced
-high up the leg.”
-
-“Rachel doesn’t worry about her boots,” said Anne at once, and her
-thoughts flew back to Mr. Yockney, then she looked round the studio
-thinking that the rent was paid out of the grocer’s shop at home. “I
-think Rachel’s perfectly happy. I think all your family are,” she said.
-
-“So they ought to be,” said Richard, laughing. “See what a good son
-I am. I give my father an object in life, which is more than any of
-you do. He is very happy and proud of me. In the old days of course,”
-Richard went on, “the first of May was a great affair, with a maypole
-set up and a Jack of the Green. The May Queen was not a little girl in
-those days. You would have been chosen instead of Rachel and, having
-been kissed by all the boys in the village, you would have got rid of
-your obsession about never getting to know anyone.”
-
-Anne blushed uncomfortably, and looked at Grandison, who must, she
-thought, have repeated what she had said while he was seeing her home.
-“An obsession about never getting to know anyone!” and she wondered if
-Richard had summed her up for ever in these unkind words.
-
-“I expect the maze was laid out on a May-day,” said Richard, “and the
-monument is nothing more than a stone maypole, or something with the
-same signification.”
-
-“I can tell you about the monument,” said Anne. “It commemorates the
-restoration of Charles II, and was put up by a young man of nineteen,
-who must have come back from France with the King and recovered his
-sequestered estate:--a small enough one, I should guess, and the Old
-Hall. I suppose the maze might have been cut on a May-day, and no doubt
-they had a maypole on the green again: they had been put down under
-the Commonwealth, but I doubt if there were many to dance. All the
-better people had served in Cromwell’s regiments. Except in Huntingdon
-itself, they were all Puritans.”
-
-“Then we must imagine your young cavalier setting up a maypole on the
-green and dancing with gypsy girls and all the riff-raff he could
-assemble, while the village people held aloof under the elm trees round
-the edges of the green and prayed for a thunderstorm,” said Richard.
-
-“There were oak trees in those days, not elms,” said Anne.
-
-“How do you know that?” he asked her sharply.
-
-She knew positively, but she had forgotten how she knew and, as she
-repeated that she was sure, she felt that she must seem very stupid to
-Mr. Grandison.
-
-“Well, he danced in a scarlet coat with lace ruffles, which he
-had brought back from France, with the gipsy girls in their rags,
-and Maggie Pattle joined in for the sake of the beer, but all the
-respectable tenants stood under the oak trees looking glum and hating
-him. But how do you explain that the monument is still standing and
-that, though it is the most striking thing in the village, nobody ever
-looks at it or knows anything about it? If one asks a question they
-just shake their heads and change the conversation.”
-
-“The young cavalier lived to be eighty-eight,” answered Anne. “It is
-natural that nobody would dare disturb his maze while he was living,
-or to pull down the stone column sculptured with his arms. All the
-Puritans were dead before he was, and the significance of the monument
-was forgotten by 1729.”
-
-“But the civil war isn’t forgotten,” said Richard.
-
-“I have often heard a villager say when someone has got into trouble
-for poaching hares: ‘We want another of the Cromwells in this country.
-There were no game laws in Nolly’s time.’”
-
-“I expect there is a tradition that the maze represents something out
-of harmony with the village: they have ignored it for so long that they
-have forgotten everything except that it is something which ought to be
-ignored,” said Anne.
-
-Richard agreed with her, and an hour passed before she remembered the
-drawings she had brought to show him.
-
-“Leave them for me to look at,” said Richard, but she would not be
-put off. As she untied the portfolio she felt that her fingers were
-trembling, and she became confused as she explained that she knew her
-drawings were not fashionable: she had done them at Dry Coulter in
-ignorance of what the latest fashions might be, thinking that they
-would serve as specimens to show her workmanship. Instead of explaining
-this clearly, what she said was something very silly, but Richard did
-not smile at her absurdity, and there was an absolute silence as she
-laid the first of the drawings on the table, propping it up against a
-wine bottle.
-
-For a long while Richard Sotheby stood wrinkling his nose and Gerald
-and Ginette stood silent.
-
-“And the next,” said Richard sharply, but, going to the portfolio
-himself, he turned over the other drawings rapidly. There was a silence
-again as he carefully fastened the clasp of the portfolio, and then
-turned and walked a few steps away. Suddenly, however, he began to
-speak, and the words fell so rapidly that Anne could scarcely follow
-them.
-
-“Dress designers are very stupid people,” he began. “Don’t be
-discouraged when I advise you not to show these actual drawings.
-In order to create an impression you must first obtain a thorough
-knowledge of the mode. There is just as much fashion in the drawings of
-dresses as in the dresses themselves. What would have been all right
-last year or the year before is quite out of date now.” And he began to
-explain very rapidly what these changes in styles of drawing had been.
-
-He was interrupted suddenly by Ginette. Anne could not follow her
-words, but she noticed Grandison nod his head vigorously and say:
-“An excellent idea,” while an expression of exasperation came over
-Richard’s white face.
-
-When he turned to Anne she felt a sudden conviction that her drawings
-were bad and that Richard was concealing his opinion of them.
-
-“Ginette is of the opinion that you are the right figure, and that you
-have acquired, Heaven knows how, the right appearance for a mannequin.
-She wants to introduce you to a man she knows who works in one of the
-wholesale houses. I think that you would dislike such a life and would
-soon wish that you were back in England. But don’t despair about your
-drawings,” he added, almost shouting the last words.
-
-Anne took up her portfolio, turning Ginette’s advice over in her mind.
-
-“How should I get a job as a mannequin?” she asked, but an argument
-had broken out between Richard and Ginette and her question went
-for some time unanswered. At last he turned from the French girl in
-exasperation, and she repeated her question.
-
-“Ginette will let you know,” he said. “Come to tea to-morrow at five
-o’clock.” The tone of the invitation was so cross that Anne said
-good-bye at once. Grandison had scarcely spoken a word during the
-discussion, but as she left the room he made a gesture as if he would
-speak, but he said nothing.
-
-“What have I done to upset them all so much?” she asked herself as
-she hurried down the stairs, but she could find no answer. Richard’s
-words had been encouraging, yet she was tempted to tear up her wretched
-drawings then and there.
-
-“Yes, my fashion plates are hopeless,” she said to herself, but she
-found it hard to understand why Richard should have been so exasperated
-by Ginette’s suggestion. “If my drawings are no good I must find some
-other way of earning my living. Richard would keep me in a fool’s
-paradise until my money is exhausted.”
-
-Her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of footsteps, and she
-heard a voice calling her. It was Richard.
-
-“I meant to ask you: if you are short of money, let me lend you ten
-pounds. You must have time to look about you.”
-
-Anne stared at him in surprise. He was very white; out of breath with
-running and his words came with an effort, but his tone was still one
-of exasperation.
-
-“Thank you,” she said, looking him in the eyes. “Thank you, I have
-still seventeen pounds.”
-
-“Well, later on,” answered Richard. “Whenever you want a loan, come
-to me. While one has money it is one’s duty to share it. That is what
-Grandison and I believe, and after all you and I come from the same
-village.”
-
-After saying this he turned round and walked back, quietly cursing her
-existence.
-
-
-
-
-FOURTEEN: A REMOVAL
-
-
-“How could I ever have imagined that I was in love with Richard
-Sotheby?” Anne asked herself in astonishment as she walked back across
-Paris. “It turns out I don’t love him enough to borrow money from him.
-He would always behave well, he would always be kind, yet I think he
-would be delighted if he were never to see me again. I shall never ask
-him for help or for advice; I shall never go near his studio after
-to-morrow.” And it occurred to her suddenly that the money he had
-offered to lend her had been earned by his father, and that it might
-have been spent on Rachel, or on the Temperance Hotel.
-
-“I wonder why it is that Ginette loves him?” she asked herself. “If she
-really does. If I were her I should lose my heart to Mr. Grandison.”
-And saying this she recalled the look in Grandison’s eyes and how he
-had kept them fixed on her, how he had seemed to be going to speak and
-the gesture with which he had sunk back into his chair as she went out
-of the studio. “Richard has robbed me of knowing him. We should easily
-have become intimate, we should have been friends,” she said with her
-heart full of bitterness. Every detail of her walk with Grandison came
-back and hurt her.
-
-“Well, I am to be a mannequin if they like my figure.” The more she
-thought of Ginette’s suggestion the better she liked it, and the more
-difficult she found it to understand Richard’s annoyance. She was
-puzzled to find an explanation, and tried one theory after another, but
-nothing she could imagine seemed to her probable, and when five o’clock
-came on the following afternoon she had almost persuaded herself
-that the explanation of Richard’s ill-humour must be something quite
-unconnected with herself. She knocked and Richard opened the door, and
-stood for a moment in the threshold before admitting her. He stared at
-her with a grin on his face and said: “Oh! So it is you, Anne!”
-
-“Weren’t you expecting me?” she asked, noticing his surprise. “You said
-I was to come to tea.”
-
-Richard Sotheby led her into the studio, and Ginette rose from the
-sofa, where she had been lying. The girl’s face had changed; Anne
-could see that she had been crying, but there was so much pride in her
-greeting that she felt shy of looking her in the face.
-
-“Here is a letter for you,” said Ginette gravely, speaking in French
-and pronouncing her words with the greatest distinctness. “You are to
-present it personally to M. Kieselyov at that address at eight o’clock
-to-morrow morning. If he thinks you are in the English style he will
-engage you.”
-
-“Thank you with all my heart. Your goodness....” Ginette did not wait
-for Anne to finish her sentence, but walked away across the room.
-
-Richard was making the tea. “Have you heard from your father?” he asked.
-
-“No, I haven’t,” said Anne, feeling rather guilty. She had not written
-to him since her arrival.
-
-“I had a letter from mother with messages for you from Rachel.” He was
-half tempted to add that their names must be coupled together in the
-village by now, and that this was disagreeable to him, but he looked at
-Anne and refrained.
-
-She had taken off her hat, and the short, closely cropped hair shone
-like straw. There was a worried look on her pale face.
-
-“My God, what innocence!” he said to himself.
-
-“Ginette and Richard have been quarrelling,” thought Anne, wondering if
-Grandison would come in, for she was miserably disappointed not to see
-him.
-
-But instead of asking if he would be back to tea she said: “I wonder if
-the swallows are building again in our dove house.”
-
-“Do they build there?” asked Richard, and the whole expression of his
-face altered at her words.
-
-“Yes, they have a nest on the joist. Father leaves the top half of the
-door open for them and they fly in and out. They are the prettiest
-of the birds; my favourites, for no birds exceed them in loveliness
-of colouring: the steel-blue back, the crimson throat and the white
-belly. The flight of the swallow is more beautiful than that of any
-other bird, but this pair are prettiest when they sit side by side on
-the rails outside the dove house. Their spirits always seem to me a
-little low: she moves one wing and then the other, as though she were
-shrugging her little shoulders, and then, suddenly, he bursts into
-song. Do you know the swallows’ song?”
-
-“No,” said Richard. “I have never heard a swallow sing.” He sat down
-and buried his face in his hands, and repeated in tones of utter
-wretchedness: “No, I have never heard a swallow sing.”
-
-“He has the clear note of a contralto; not loud or defiant, nor yet
-feeble, but full of love, subdued because he can never forget that the
-world is full of cruelty and unkindness.”
-
-Ginette broke in with a question as to what Anne had said.
-
-Richard told her, and the French girl smiled wearily.
-
-“In England it is only the swallows apparently which have discovered
-such platitudes.” Then she added: “Why is she staying?”
-
-“It appears we invited her to tea,” answered Richard in a low voice.
-
-There was the sound of a heavy tramp on the stairs and then a knock.
-Richard stood up and went to the door. Anne looked across at Ginette
-and saw that she was gazing at her with a strange expression.
-
-“I must go,” she said to herself. “Why does she look at me as if she
-felt contempt for me?” But it seemed impossible to go after that look
-without an explanation. The memory of that expression would haunt her.
-
-She looked up and saw that Richard had come back from the door, and
-that a workman had followed him, and together they crossed the studio
-and disappeared into the little room at the back.
-
-Anne sat and sipped her tea, tortured by the need to speak, to ask
-a question, to see light, and by the desire to escape, to go out of
-the studio and never to set foot in it again. But she could not find
-the words with which to ask her question or to take her leave, and
-she sat on, dumbly watching the workman crossing the room, first with
-a rolled-up mattress in his arms and then with a little folding bed
-or carrying a wash-hand-stand. Richard came back and threw himself
-down in a chair. There was a silence, prolonged until the workman
-reappeared, crossed the studio and went out once more with a chair and
-a looking-glass.
-
-Ginette gave Richard an appealing look and he said:
-
-“Anne, I think perhaps you had better go now. Ginette and I are both
-rather upset.” He paused for a moment and said in colourless tones:
-“Besides, someone who wishes to see you is waiting.”
-
-Anne rose. “Good-bye, Mademoiselle Lariboisière,” she said, holding out
-her hand. The brown hand gripped hers firmly.
-
-“Till we meet again,” she said, and then added in broken English: “You
-have a lucky face.”
-
-“Thank you for telling me about the swallows,” said Richard as he
-stood above her at the top of the stairs.
-
-The French workman was struggling with a small table on the staircase
-and it was some moments before she could reach the street.
-
-“Never to know the meaning! Never to learn the secret! Never to
-understand anything at all!” Anne cried with tears coming into her
-eyes. “I have never seen into another person’s heart. I never shall.
-Wherever I am, my curse clings to me!” A vague project of suicide,
-of being found floating in the river, passed through her mind as she
-stepped out into the street. The workman was still in front of her
-lifting the table into a small motor-van; in avoiding him she ran into
-Grandison’s back.
-
-“Good God! You here! Don’t go away!” he exclaimed, as though she was
-running from him. Anne stepped back and stood for a moment staring in
-astonishment into his red face.
-
-His words sounded angry, and his blue eyes glittered angrily so that
-she felt afraid and her first impulse was to run back into the house.
-“I cannot go up there again,” flashed through her mind, and she turned
-again to Grandison.
-
-“Miss Dunnock,” said the young man, still looking at her, almost
-murderously. “I must make an explanation.”
-
-The word explanation caught her ears. “No, that is impossible,” she
-said to herself for some reason. “An explanation is impossible.”
-
-“I don’t understand,” she said in a weak voice, giving up all thoughts
-of flight. She was almost in tears. “I don’t understand anything.”
-
-Grandison’s anger or passion seemed suddenly to have completely
-disappeared. He looked at her appealingly with an expression in which
-she could read pity for her and misery on his own account. For a moment
-he tried to speak and choked, and then, swallowing, went on rapidly:
-
-“It is rather complicated. I am taking away my furniture to a new room
-and must superintend the man unpacking it. If you could come with me in
-the van we could talk to each other.”
-
-The van was packed; the man was waiting, impatient of their
-conversation. Anne did not hesitate, but scrambled up on to the
-tail-board of the van and settled herself on the rolled-up mattress.
-
-She was excited without knowing why, and suddenly, looking at Grandison
-perched beside her on the edge of the wash-hand-stand, she felt happy
-and secure.
-
-“I want to explain,” he said suddenly, as though he were defending
-himself. “This is my furniture. I am taking it away from the studio
-because I cannot live with Richard or with Ginette any longer. I have
-broken with them completely, and have taken a room of my own.”
-
-There was so much suffering in his voice that Anne understood that
-there had been a quarrel. At that moment all seemed suddenly to have
-become clear to her, and she felt that she was a very experienced
-person. “What foolishness!” she exclaimed to herself.
-
-“Why should they have quarrelled?” And she decided to persuade
-Grandison to turn back.
-
-“Why do you want to leave them?” she asked gently. She was preparing
-to reason with him sympathetically, and softly to lead him back to
-Richard. For a moment Grandison sat silent, and something in his sullen
-expression, his trembling lip and the way in which he opened and then
-shut his hand, moved her very much.
-
-“I must explain,” he repeated. “Ever since I met you at the station I
-have been madly in love with you.”
-
-Anne felt cold all over as she heard these words; she shivered and
-gazed at Grandison with frightened eyes, asking herself if she had
-heard what he had said aright; a suspicion crossed her mind that he was
-playing a joke on her, a heartless practical joke. She gazed at him in
-terror, but he went on without turning his head to look at her: “It
-has been awful. I could not speak to you while I was still living in
-Richard’s studio. I think Ginette guessed but Richard did not suspect
-until I told him after you went yesterday. I did not think it would
-upset him so much or that it would upset me so much.”
-
-“I don’t understand why he should be upset or why he dislikes me, but
-I feel he does. There has never been anything between Richard and me,”
-said Anne. She stopped, feeling that she had said something foolish.
-
-“I know, but there has been a great deal between Richard and me,”
-answered Grandison. “Just now he hates you, though it is not your fault
-that I am in love with you, and he knows that.”
-
-“He has got Ginette,” said Anne.
-
-“Oh, my God!” cried Grandison, making the most awful face. “Ginette was
-my mistress. Surely you knew that?”
-
-Anne gazed at the cuff of Grandison’s coat: a check material with a
-little wavy thread of purple running among the fawns and greys. She was
-overcome with shame and confusion at her ignorance and her stupidity.
-There was a long silence.
-
-“This doesn’t seem like a trick,” she said to herself, but the fear
-that Grandison might in some way be playing some strange and terrible
-joke at her expense remained at the back of her mind.
-
-“For some reason I thought that Ginette and you were the same person
-before I arrived,” she said. “You see I overheard Richard spelling out
-a telegram to you in French before I had ever spoken to him.”
-
-“A telegram?” Grandison asked in astonishment. “Oh, yes, perhaps he
-did telegraph. I wrote and told him that I was in love with Ginette
-and that I proposed taking her to live with us.... That was a dreadful
-thing to have done. You see, Richard was very fond of me; he cares
-about nobody else,” he said suddenly, wiping the sweat off his forehead.
-
-“I have always, all my life, mismanaged my love affairs. But that is
-because I have never been in love before. Now I am in love with you
-and I determined not to mismanage that but to make a clean sweep of
-everything.”
-
-This remark, and the defiant tone in which it was uttered, struck Anne
-as comic; she laughed but immediately regretted having done so, for
-Grandison burst into tears.
-
-She had never seen a man weep before and was alarmed. The tears
-streamed down his cheeks and hung on the stubble of his beard, for
-he had not shaved that day, and then fell one after another on to his
-knees.
-
-Anne jumped up from the mattress, hitting her head on the top of the
-van. “Oh! Damn!” She clutched Grandison round the shoulders while
-her eyes filled with tears from the pain. “Don’t cry; I have hit my
-head such an awful crack, but you see I am not crying,” she said,
-hugging him and then slipping on to her knees. He looked at her, and
-the van pulled up with a jerk just as they found each other’s faces
-in a kiss. They alighted, and Grandison led the way into the meanest
-building that Anne had ever seen. His room was on the top floor, and
-as they ascended, an odour of cooking, of accumulated filth, of bugs
-and of boiled rags took them by the throat. But they climbed on, up
-and up, and behind them toiled the indignant workman, sweating under
-the mattress in his arms, and pausing to curse the smells and the
-filthiness of the house under his breath.
-
-“The view is magnificent,” said Grandison with a sweep of his arm as he
-threw open the door of a tiny attic.
-
-“Put the things down anywhere, just as you like,” he added to the
-workman. He was right, the view was magnificent. All Paris lay
-glittering at their feet in the sunshine, and Anne forgot the
-malodorous staircase as she leant out of the open window.
-
-“Yes, the view is lovely,” she said, turning to Grandison, but an
-altercation was going on with the workman, who was repeating again and
-again: “This place stinks.”
-
-Grandison could understand the words well enough, but he was offended
-and resolutely shrugged his shoulders, repeating: “Don’t understand.
-Fetch my furniture.”
-
-“This place stinks,” repeated the workman with appropriate gestures.
-“It gives me a bad throat.” He made sounds as if he were going to be
-sick.
-
-“I don’t understand what you say; fetch the furniture,” repeated
-Grandison in a rage, and began to push the man out of the room. “A
-house full of Poles and bugs,” said the man as he made off down the
-staircase.
-
-“It’s quite an accident,” said Grandison, “that there is such a
-wonderful view. I took the first room I could find, by candle light. It
-is dirty, but I had it scrubbed out with disinfectant this morning. I
-shall get some sulphur candles in case what he says about the bugs is
-true.”
-
-Anne sniffed: a smell of Jeyes fluid hung in the air. They were silent,
-gazing out of the window, waiting while the slow tramp of feet and
-muttered curses drew nearer and the man came in carrying the bed.
-
-“It stinks,” he announced, returning to Richard.
-
-Grandison cursed suddenly with great obscenity in fluent French.
-
-“You mustn’t talk to me like that,” answered the man, but he left the
-room after looking at Anne with an air of icy disapproval. “Damn the
-fellow,” said Grandison, and they remained silent while the table, the
-wash-hand-stand, a piece of drugget and the chairs were brought in.
-
-Grandison had recovered his temper by then, and gave the man a tip.
-“One doesn’t say such things,” said the workman, pocketing it, and he
-went down the stairs clearing his throat. They listened to the tramp
-of feet descending the stairs without looking at each other, and stood
-motionless through the minutes of dead silence which followed. “He must
-be waiting and poking about in the hall,” was their unspoken thought
-and, exchanging a swift glance, they nodded their suspicions. A sudden
-crash resounded up the stairs of the outer door being slammed, and they
-smiled happily at each other, for love is impossible except in secret.
-But although they smiled the silence continued, their hearts beating
-faster and faster and confusion coming upon them.
-
-“We must put up the bed,” said Anne.
-
-Grandison helped her mechanically; the pleasure of her presence near
-him was so great that he was afraid to speak lest some word of his
-might scare her away. Together they unfolded the legs of the narrow
-iron bedstead, set it upon its feet, covered it with a weedy mattress
-and a coverlet. Then they laid the carpet on the floor, set the trunk
-in one corner, the washstand in another, and put the table in the
-middle of the room. There was nothing more to be done, and after
-speaking once or twice of buying such necessaries as a broom and a
-looking-glass, they became silent again, Anne sitting in the only
-chair, Grandison upon the bed, while darkness closed in on them very
-slowly.
-
-It seemed to the girl then that at last she had found what she had been
-seeking.
-
-“I have found this room,” she said to herself, and already she was at
-home in it, and she sat musing over the vast landscape of the future,
-of which she had suddenly caught a glimpse as she had of Paris itself,
-but without knowledge and unable to recognize the landmarks.
-
-But at last, rousing herself, she looked about her and asked suddenly:
-“How will you paint in such a small room?”
-
-“I don’t know,” he answered. “I only paint because Richard does.”
-
-“It has got dark,” she said. “I can’t see your face.”
-
-He struck a match and they looked at each other.
-
-“I haven’t got a candle,” he said apologetically. “And there is no gas.”
-
-Anne rose from her chair. “She is going,” Grandison said to himself
-as he stood up. Their hands touched and they embraced. “I have always
-loved you. Before I knew you. Before I knew myself, while I was still
-in the navy,” he whispered rapidly between his kisses.
-
-The whispering went on and on in the dark room, lit by the flickering
-arc lamps in the street below. Each whisper was a charm that breathed
-love into her, that stole away her strength, and that changed her
-nature. Yet Anne still held herself alert, danger seemed near; at any
-moment a heavy footstep might sound upon the stairs, a voice break in.
-It seemed to her that if she sat very still the danger might pass, and
-when Grandison’s voice rose she stroked his hair nervously--hair as
-short and thick and soft as fur.
-
-“Richard--the danger is Richard,” she said to herself, recognizing that
-she was helpless in face of that danger.
-
-Hours passed but no footstep sounded on the stairs, and no voice spoke
-out of the darkness; only the moon breaking through the clouds flooded
-the room with light, showing them to each other. They became hungry,
-but they forgot their hunger, remembered the passage of time and as
-soon forgot it, grew sleepy and did not think of sleep.
-
-A clock struck and they counted eleven strokes.
-
-“You must be hungry,” said Anne.
-
-“Yes, I am,” answered Grandison, surprised, but he took an apple from
-his pocket, and when they had shared it their hunger seemed to be
-satisfied.
-
-A clock struck, and they lost count of the strokes.
-
-“It is midnight,” said Anne. “I must go back to my hotel.” But she did
-not move, and an hour later she had consented to stay the night, had
-undressed in the dark and had got into the bed, while Grandison had
-wrapped himself in his overcoat and, covered with the piece of drugget,
-was stretched out upon the floor.
-
-For a long while Anne went on stroking his hair, and when at last they
-fell asleep he was still grasping her hand in both of his and holding
-it to his lips.
-
-“What’s the matter?”
-
-A strangled cry of “Help!” was ringing in her ears, but she understood
-that it was her own voice that she had heard.
-
-“What’s the matter, Anne?”
-
-“It is all right,” she answered, coming to herself, but her voice was
-full of fear, and Grandison, sitting up by her bed, could see her
-shudder.
-
-“I suppose it was a dream,” she murmured, and suddenly the fear left
-her as the details of her nightmare came back, and she lay in silence
-piecing them together.
-
-“It was something awful about my father,” she said. “I was alone,
-quite alone, in the vicarage. There was no furniture; I went from room
-to room looking for my father, but all the rooms were empty; all the
-furniture had been taken away but they had left me behind. Suddenly I
-looked out of the bedroom window, my father’s bedroom, for it was at
-the front of the house, and as I expected I saw a Ford van stop at the
-gate and people getting out of it.” Anne shuddered again violently and
-Grandison began stroking her shoulder. “Don’t tell me if it frightens
-you,” he said.
-
-“Two women came first, and I was frightened of them because I could
-see that they were imbecile from the way they walked, but I was more
-frightened of the men. They weren’t mad but I could see madness in
-their faces, and I recognized them at once. They were the Puttys, who
-used to live in the Burnt Farm, but it seemed to me that they were
-coming to our house. They looked from side to side with wooden faces,
-and I could see that underneath their woodenness they were full of
-terror. When they got to the door I could no longer see them, for I
-dared not look down on their heads, but I heard them unlock the door
-and knew that they had come to take possession. All I could do was to
-hide, and for a long while I lay holding my breath and listening as
-they laughed and screamed and threw plates at each other downstairs.
-Then I heard the man coming up the stairs in his heavy hobnail boots. I
-heard him fumble at the door and I began to scream.”
-
-“Poor creature,” said Grandison. “Who were these people?”
-
-“The Puttys; Richard’s mother told me their story: they lived at the
-Burnt Farm,” answered Anne, and stopped, realizing that her words could
-mean nothing to Grandison.
-
-“You aren’t frightened any longer, are you?” he asked, and his jaws
-were pulled apart violently in a yawn; he shivered all over. When he
-could speak again he repeated: “You are quite sure that you aren’t
-frightened any longer?” He leant towards her to kiss her, but stopped,
-feeling another yawn upon him.
-
-“No, why should I be?” she replied, and without waiting to hear what
-else she had to say he lay down on the bare boards and was asleep.
-
-Anne’s fear had gone, but one thing still puzzled her; for though
-she had no memory of her father in her dream she knew that it was
-terrifying because of him, not because of the Puttys.
-
-“Yes, the subject of my dream was my father,” she repeated to herself,
-wondering suddenly what she was doing in Paris, and hearing a slight
-snore she looked over the edge of the bed at the sleeping figure beside
-her.
-
-“Why am I here?” she thought. “This is madness!” and she determined
-to get out of bed and dress and hurry away if she could do so without
-waking her neighbour. A minute passed while she waited for him to fall
-sound asleep, but he stirred uneasily when she sat up in bed. “I must
-give him five minutes,” she thought. “Then I shall be rested.” She lay
-back, aware that a task awaited her which would need all her strength,
-but before two minutes had passed she began breathing gently and was
-asleep herself.
-
-
-
-
-FIFTEEN: HONEYMOONING
-
-
-A month had passed, and in the last week of their honeymoon Mr. and
-Mrs. Grandison were staying at an hotel in Avignon. The sun was already
-hot when Anne came down to breakfast after waking her husband and
-leaving him to shave and to dress. The American ladies smiled at her as
-she came into the little courtyard, bidding her: “Good morning,” and
-hoping that she had passed a pleasant night.
-
-A pleasant night! What could she answer to them? But Anne smiled
-back, and then she laughed, for she was happy to be alive, and her
-skin tingled with pleasure as she took her seat carelessly under the
-flowering oleander. A dog ran in from the street causing a diversion,
-the cat sunning herself on the cobblestones leapt on to one of the
-tables; the dog yapped, but he was in no mood for cats, and hearing his
-master’s whistle he ran out again. But watching them Anne felt as much
-excitement as if she had never seen a cat and a dog before. Her eyes
-were still bright with interest when the waiter came up with coffee,
-and he also asked if she had slept well. On the tray there were two
-letters, one for her and one for Monsieur.
-
-The first letters for three weeks! And Anne seized hers, forwarded from
-her hotel in Paris, and tore it open. It was from her father and ran as
-follows:
-
- The Vicarage, Dry Coulter,
- Huntingdonshire.
-
- My dear Anne,
-
- The news of your marriage is not such a great surprise as you
- anticipated, but it is not the less welcome because I had an inkling
- that what moved you to fly abroad was much the same as that which
- moves the whitethroat to fly here in summer.
-
- Dear girl, I write strangely removed from you and the blessing I send
- is a more disinterested one than parents are usually in a position to
- give. My revelation has come to me late in life, but I am aware that
- it has changed me greatly, so that now I find it almost impossible
- to think of worldly things. However, I have packed up the old silver
- teapot which was your mother’s and have had it sent to you addressed
- to the Paris branch of our bank at Linton for greater safety....
- You shall have the rat-tail spoons, but one seems to be mislaid.
- Your letter was the first communication for many weeks to recall me
- to this transient world, and to that extent I must admit that your
- marriage caused me pain. But no, I am wrong, something else has
- happened since you left--a sad tragedy.
-
- You will remember our little angelic visitors of the dove house,
- so faithful to one another and so happy as they chased the summer
- flies. You will recollect the pleasure he gave us with his song,
- always rather saddened, whilst she brooded over her mysteries in the
- little clay cup on the joist. Old Noah had occasion to go into the
- upper storey of the dove house and carelessly (for it was nothing
- but carelessness) left the hatch open. I did not notice anything for
- several days, then, going up myself, found the swallow dead. She must
- have flown up, attracted by the light, and have beaten her life out
- on the window-panes. He, poor fellow, had flown away. I pray that
- neither you nor your husband should ever know his sorrow. My best
- regards to the gentleman with the beautiful name, your husband.
-
- Your affectionate Father,
- CHARLES DUNNOCK.
-
- P.S. It gives me peculiar pleasure to inscribe Mrs. Grandison on the
- envelope.
-
-Anne smiled as she finished the letter, but her heart was troubled;
-never before had her father been so intimate with her--never had he
-revealed so much of himself. Her love for him came back to her, a
-sudden shock astonishing her, for it was a love of which she had hardly
-suspected the existence, while at the same moment she thought: “He can
-afford to write to me like this now I am safely married and he is in no
-danger of my coming back.”
-
-Soon her emotion passed, and she looked around her with renewed
-excitement. “How lovely the blue sky and the blossom of the oleander!”
-The waiter was standing beside her setting out the coffee-pot and the
-milk jug, the cups and saucers, the two hot rolls, wrapped in napkins,
-and the four thin bricks of lustreless sugar. She picked up her
-husband’s letter and glanced at the envelope.
-
-“How happy it will make Grandison to have a friendly letter from
-Richard!” she thought, recognizing the handwriting, and she sat
-wondering if, after all the letters they had written to him and the
-postcards they had sent, he still remained cold and unforgiving.
-
-“He loved Grandison; he cared for nobody else, and yet Grandison never
-gave him any happiness and never showed him any consideration. I
-cannot bear to think of his feelings after they parted in anger on my
-account. But this letter must be to say that he has become reconciled
-to the marriage; he would not write otherwise.”
-
-Richard had sent a wedding present, but when they had gone to the
-studio they found it locked, and after the third or fourth fruitless
-visit the _concierge_ had told them that he had gone away.
-
-Anne looked again at the letter, and saw that it bore an English stamp
-and that the postmark was Dry Coulter; Richard must have gone home
-suddenly on a surprise visit.
-
-“It is strange how real Dry Coulter is to me! I was unhappy while I
-was living there, yet all my memories of it are beautiful, and nowhere
-else in the world seems so real as that village. Are the English elms
-more beautiful than the olives? Is the song of the blackbird as lovely
-as Fleury’s flute? Why do I remember every detail of my life before my
-marriage and nothing of the things that happen to me now? Nothing is
-real to me now but Grandison, my happiness in him is such that I can
-enjoy no other beauty.”
-
-And Anne reminded herself how she had been with him to the opera and
-to students’ balls in Paris night after night, but the memory of them
-was already dim, a lovely voice thrilling her for a moment, a sea of
-lights, a crowd of faces.
-
-“I cannot keep my attention fixed on the stage,” she said to herself.
-“At every moment I have to turn to glance at him, to look at his blunt
-healthy features, his soft and furry hair, his round head, so like a
-seal’s or an otter’s thrust suddenly above the surface of the water.
-All I remember of the opera, of the picture galleries, and of the
-castles which we saw yesterday, is catching Grandison’s eye to see
-whether he were moved by the same things that moved me--and because of
-that I felt no emotion except about him.”
-
-She laughed, but her happiness was coloured with the regret that her
-only opportunity of seeing so many beautiful things should have been
-during her honeymoon.
-
-“We should have been just as happy if we had stayed in that horrid room
-with the beautiful view.” And Anne recalled how they had spent their
-first days held in a web of unrealities, making declarations, mumbling
-affidavits before a consul, handing telegrams through wire netting, and
-patiently waiting for permission to get married. “Days vague and as
-impossible to remember as the waving of weeds seen through water,” she
-said. But Sir John, who had cut off his son’s allowance while he was
-living in Paris with Richard Sotheby, had been pleased at the marriage
-and had sent a cable with his blessing and a thousand pounds from
-Ceylon.... And dismissing the past, Anne paused for a moment to wonder
-what their life would be like in the future. Grandison had consented to
-live in London and to take the job his father had offered him in the
-tea business.
-
-“How long he is, dressing!” she exclaimed, and jumping up she ran up
-the yellow stairs to their bedroom.
-
-She had forgotten to take Richard’s letter with her, but it was the
-first thing she spoke of.
-
-“You’ve been using my powder puff,” she added, for his shaven cheek was
-delicious with scent.
-
-“Stingy! Stingy! If there is anything I hate it’s stinginess!” he
-exclaimed, embracing her again. She fought with him but was overcome;
-they laughed, but their laughter changed suddenly to the seriousness of
-love-making.
-
-“What a devil you are, Anne, slipping out of bed like a mouse without
-waking me until the moment you were going down to breakfast.”
-
-“It is difficult to wake you,” she answered. “And I always feel a
-criminal when I do.”
-
-“You are a sly hypocrite. But I vowed I would not come downstairs this
-morning until you had come up again to find me. You see your tricks
-don’t work.”
-
-“For all you know I might have gone out with the American ladies.”
-
-“I should have stayed here all day.”
-
-“We are scandal enough as it is in this hotel,” she answered.
-
-“Just as we were at Dijon.”
-
-“If you will go down alone to breakfast, naturally you cause a scandal.
-People think something dreadful must have happened. They see that you
-care nothing for me, Anne. Love means nothing to you.”
-
-Her looks were a sufficient answer to his reproaches, and he was silent
-as she seized him and bent over him.
-
-“Keep still,” she whispered. Looking up, Grandison could see the
-ceiling of the darkened room striped with bars of light from the
-upturned slats of the shutters. Outside, the sunlight poured into the
-grilling street; an electric tram passed by, its passage announced
-by the swishing of overhead wires and followed by the crackling of
-electric sparks. Wrapped in the weakness of love, Anne and Grandison
-lay at each other’s mercy; each tiny movement was agony to them.
-
-“Keep still! Keep still!” A cry broke from their lips, and then, in
-the solitude of perfect unity, they fell asleep. The overhead wires
-swished, an electric tram lurched past the hotel on grinding wheels,
-above which the soft crackle of electricity came like the sound of a
-silk skirt. Already the American ladies had left the hotel, the waiter
-in the courtyard had cleared away the cold coffee and the uneaten
-rolls; the forgotten letter had been handed in at the manager’s office;
-the chambermaid had looked through the keyhole and had gone away to
-wash vegetables in the kitchen, before either husband or wife spoke.
-
-“What time is the bus?” he asked, girding his silk trowsers with a sash.
-
-“In five minutes!” screamed Anne, looking at the gold wrist watch that
-Richard Sotheby had given her. Grandison seized his pocket-book and
-cigarettes, they snatched up their Panama hats and fled down the cool
-staircase with its smell of varnish and of glue, out into the baking
-heat of the street.
-
-There was no taxi to be seen and no tram.
-
-“Run!” he cried, and they ran, though the air came hot to the mouth and
-the sun slashed through their silk shirts, scorching their shoulders.
-They were late, but the char-a-banc had waited for them, and when
-Grandison had cried out: “No breakfast!” it waited while he rushed into
-the station buffet and came back with a bottle of sweet champagne,
-a long roll of bread and a green water-melon. They sat in the front
-seats, and the oilcloth cushions ran with their clean sweat, while they
-were drinking champagne out of the palms of their hands and spilling it
-over their knees as the heavy car lurched and bumped on the road. They
-laughed, and the melon juice ran over their chins and into their ears;
-they spoke their thoughts aloud heedless of the American ladies and the
-party of English school-teachers behind them, and the whole char-a-banc
-of twenty people was united by the happiness of watching them. Looking
-at the outlines of their shoulders, everyone was moved to a gay,
-slightly tipsy sentimentality; the discomfort of a whole day’s jolting,
-of being a school-teacher and wearing stays, or a double-breasted
-waistcoat and starched collars and side-whiskers, all such ills
-passed unnoticed. As for the lovers, they paid no attention to their
-companions and scarcely even looked at the sights they had come to see.
-Strolling through the Roman theatre and the bull-ring at Arles, they
-made silly jokes about asparagus, and on the way home broke into their
-first quarrel, Anne maintaining that a cigale was a grasshopper, while
-Grandison reiterated that it was a sedentary dragonfly with a beetle’s
-body.
-
-“A letter for you, Sir,” said the porter as they entered the hotel, and
-they looked at each other in embarrassment, wondering how they could
-have come to forget Richard’s letter. A word from him meant so much
-to both of them! But recollecting how it was that they had so nearly
-missed the bus that morning, they broke out laughing.
-
-“Bad news,” said Grandison, his face changing suddenly. “Richard’s
-father, the grocer, has gone bankrupt. The worst is that I cannot help
-feeling I have had my share in causing it by my cursed extravagance.
-Richard paid for everything for me, and for Ginette.” As he said this
-his face flushed scarlet.
-
-“It is more likely to be the hotel,” said Anne.
-
-“Yes, that is what Richard says, and then there is a message about your
-father,” he added, handing her the letter. His face was still flushed,
-but the first feeling of shame had passed into one of anger with the
-outside world that threatened to break in upon his happiness.
-
- Dry Coulter.
-
- Dear Seal,
-
- Why do you and Anne send me so many postcards? I ask because I got
- six yesterday; very disturbing when I am doing my best to forget you.
- “Let the dead bury their dead.” What does that mean? Perhaps I have
- got the phrase wrong, but for some reason though I don’t understand
- what it means I find it expresses my feelings.
-
- So don’t send me any more postcards. I shall think of you and Anne
- quite as much as you deserve, and I shall want to see you directly
- you come back to England.
-
- You ask me what I think of your compact with your father, and your
- giving up painting. I have no opinion about it: you must settle your
- own affairs as you think best. If you mean: do I think you would have
- been a good painter if you went on, I don’t. But I think you might
- have eventually done something else, I mean something serious, and
- badly as I think of you I still believe you capable of something
- better than being a tea-merchant in Mincing Lane. That seems to me a
- frivolous waste of time. One only has one life.
-
- I have plenty to distract me here: my father has involved himself
- in a tiresome disaster. He has gone bankrupt with no assets but an
- unfinished hotel with water-logged foundations, which would have
- flooded every winter. He has taken to his bed with a bad heart
- attack, and I have spent a hectic fortnight finding out the exact
- position. Meanwhile I have arranged for a show in Bond Street, and
- have got a commission to paint a portrait. I am setting up in London.
- The only drawback is that England always gives me indigestion. My
- mother is quite unmoved by the bankruptcy.
-
- Please tell Anne that I haven’t seen her father, but from what I can
- hear his position is much more serious. He has given up taking the
- services in church, and people think that he is definitely odd. The
- vicarage certainly looks odd; he wouldn’t open the door to me. I
- think Anne ought to come down as soon as possible. I will do what I
- can but I have got my hands full just now.
-
- Rachel sends her love; she is a pretty creature. I shall have to
- begin to think about sending her to Newnham in a year or two. There:
- I know you can’t help your character (a bad one) any more than I can
- help mine, so don’t let’s think of our characters and don’t send me
- any more postcards or letters.
-
- Au Revoir,
- RICHARD.
-
- P.S. Ginette has got the job she meant for Anne, as a mannequin
- _style anglais_. She writes to me _every day_. Whose fault is that?
-
-Anne crumpled the letter in her hand; she did not feel shame or anger
-as her husband had done; she had no irritation against the outside
-world but only pity. As she followed her husband to the stairs her
-mind was busy with plans for returning to England. She thought of her
-father, of the old grocer lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and of
-Mrs. Sotheby.
-
-“All the same, we were right to send Richard all those postcards; he
-would have been more unhappy without any news of us.” Grandison was
-stamping about the room in a rage.
-
-“It means no more to me than a famine in China,” he said.
-
-“We had better pack our things; we shall have to go home to-morrow,”
-answered Anne.
-
-In the train the outside world became once more “like the waving of
-weeds seen through water,” a series of noises, smells, and movements
-which concerned them little, and they did not speak of the future until
-they were on the boat, when Anne said: “Let’s deal with our affairs
-separately: while you are arranging with your father’s firm I will go
-down to Dry Coulter.”
-
-Grandison nodded, and realizing that the cliffs before him were indeed
-those of Dover, that an interview with his uncle and his elder brother
-awaited him, and that his father would be back in England in a few
-days, a bitter regret seized him that he had ever seen Anne.
-
-“Love for this woman is ruining my life,” he said to himself, but when
-he turned his head and he found himself gazing into her pale, fierce,
-happy face, he understood that he was helpless. He looked at his wife’s
-short straw-coloured hair, her intense grey eyes and her slim body, and
-listening to her abrupt speech he told himself that everything else was
-unimportant.
-
-“I am glad I didn’t buy a bicycle,” said Anne. She had been thinking
-for a moment of the past.
-
-
-
-
-SIXTEEN: ANGELS
-
-
-The train reached Linton station at last, and Anne leaped out of the
-stuffy carriage, all the weariness of her long wait at Cambridge
-forgotten in the excitement of seeing again what she had so often seen
-before. She could not hide the eagerness in her voice as she handed her
-bag to the porter, asking him to give it to the carrier.
-
-“Well, Miss, are you glad to be back?” he asked, recognizing her.
-
-“Yes, of course I am,” she answered, and smiling with surprise she made
-her way across the market place.
-
-Linton was unchanged, and she was filled with joy and gratitude to the
-little town, believing that it could never alter in the future and not
-reflecting that it was scarcely three months since she had set off with
-even greater excitement on her way to France in the belief that she
-would never see Linton again.
-
-She walked on, and turned down Bridge Street, rejoicing to see the
-signs over the shops and the faces of the shopmen who were standing in
-their doorways looking out for the last customers before closing--all
-familiar things and persons. On the crest of the bridge she paused and
-looked back, thinking that on the morrow she would have met Grandison
-at the station and would be walking with him through the streets of
-the old town. A lorry coming towards her filled the bridge, and she
-took shelter in one of the angles of the parapet. Looking down over the
-side, she watched the waters of the Ouse slipping away from the masonry
-of the piers, and hoped that she would see a fish, but no fish showed
-itself, and when she lifted her eyes she was startled by the sight of
-an addition to the landscape, the beginnings, surely, of Mr. Sotheby’s
-hotel. There was a huge hole excavated by the edge of the river, filled
-with muddy water, a mound of blue clay, an ordered pile of white glazed
-bricks, a few wheelbarrows upside down, a lot of drain-pipes and
-nothing else.
-
-“So perish all innovations!” Anne exclaimed, and recollecting how
-the old grocer had talked to her three months before, and seeing his
-tragedy before her, she began to laugh.
-
-“I wonder if Richard laughed when he saw that hole full of water? Yes,
-to be sure he did, for we all laugh at our parents, we understand them
-so well,” but, her thoughts turning suddenly to her own father, she
-sighed in despair and walked on.
-
-She had scarcely left the bridge when she caught sight of the grocer
-himself. He was sitting bolt upright, driving his flea-bitten white
-pony, his head thrown back, and his white beard sticking out in front
-of him. “Like a billy-goat looking up to Heaven,” thought Anne. “Yet he
-is like Richard too, he has the same foxy nose.”
-
-“Good evening, Mr. Sotheby,” she called out. The pony had dropped to
-a walk as she spoke, but the old man’s eye fell stonily on her and he
-made no answer to her greeting. When he had passed, Anne looked after
-him in doubt whether she had been deliberately ignored or had not
-been recognized, or perhaps not even heard, and she saw that the old
-dog-cart had been lately repainted and newly varnished; on the back was
-written in scarlet letters:
-
- “INTERNATIONAL TEA TRUST.”
-
-“He looks ill,” she thought. “And his illness is that his pride has
-been wounded. He has been so virtuous and so successful all his life,
-it is too bad that Grandison and Ginette, and excavating a hole in a
-river bank, should have combined to ruin him.” She smiled as she said
-this, but her thought was broken suddenly by the reflection that her
-own father was waiting for her and that in less than an hour they would
-be speaking together. Trouble would be sure to arise between them at
-once, and each of them would behave with falsity. And reluctant to come
-to her journey’s end, unconsciously she dropped into a slower walk.
-
-The road was long and dusty, and she was glad to turn aside into the
-footpath by the cross-roads, a footpath that was little frequented,
-for it was half a mile longer than the road. The first field was so
-huge that it seemed she would never cross it; there was not a tree on
-which she could rest her eyes and nothing in it except the tussocky
-grass underfoot and a dozen thirsty bullocks clustering round an empty
-cistern by the gate, waiting for the water-cart. A field of ripening
-wheat lay next, and she pushed her way down the narrow lane between
-the ears, unable to resist snatching at some of them. The grains were
-still full of milk, yet there was something dry even in their juiciness
-which made her clear her throat and wish for a cup of tea. Already she
-could see the elms of Dry Coulter, and she pushed on, getting at last
-into the next field, where there were men at work with teams of horses
-harrowing and rolling the dusty earth.
-
-“It is likely enough that these are the men and the horses that came
-to our doorstep in the snow,” she said, and soon she had crossed to the
-far side, where a line of men, bent up double, were strung out across
-the field. But so big was the expanse that rollers and harrows, men and
-teams of horses and this string of men dibbling, were so far away that
-she could not see their faces, and felt as though she were alone.
-
-“They are planting cabbages,” she guessed. “Each man leans forward
-to make a hole with the dibber in his right hand, sticks in a young
-plant and treads it firm with his left heel as he passes in his stride
-forward to strike the next hole. So they work all day, and this will be
-a vast expanse of cabbages before the winter. The life of these men is
-to labour all day in the sun, or in the rain, in these immense fields,
-alone for hour after hour, with nothing to speak with but horse, and
-to go back at night to sleep in a tiny room with a candle burning in
-the closed window, then to rise again with the first colour of the
-dawn. That is the life that the greater number have always led, yet it
-has hardly touched our thoughts and we live on their labour, drinking
-the milk and swallowing the buttered toast, thinking of anything
-rather than of how the cows are kept fat and the thistles and docks
-are spudded out to make room for the wheat, for there is nothing in
-all that labour, or in all those lives, to interest us. The labourers
-themselves are silent about it; there are few songs which take mangels
-or potatoes as their subject, and when we look for poetry in the fields
-we turn south to Italy or Greece and the goats nibbling at the vines.”
-
-The footpath had been ploughed up, its last traces had disappeared
-beneath the harrow and the roller, and she walked carefully among the
-young cabbage plants, withering and grey after the long day’s sun. They
-looked dead, but they would live.
-
-“They would die in a garden unless they were shaded under flower-pots,
-but everything lives in the fields; perhaps the air is purer under the
-open sky,” thought Anne.
-
-As she crossed into the next field a bird flew out of a poplar tree by
-the stream. “A hawk,” was her first thought, but it surprised her by
-calling “Cuckoo” as it flew.
-
-“He ought to have changed his tune a month ago. ‘In July he gets ready
-to fly; in August, go he must.’ Go he must, go he must,” she repeated,
-and the sentence in her father’s letter came back into her mind in
-which he had compared her to a whitethroat.
-
-“Indeed he was right, for I was under the same compulsion to go as
-the birds, but my going was harder. At least I fancy so, though the
-young swallows find it a difficult business to leave England, staying a
-week or two after the old birds have gone.” And Anne was surprised at
-herself for thinking of the birds with pleasure: in the past she had
-found her father’s love for them so irritating.
-
-“I remember that I wished for a bird for my hat, yet in Paris where
-I could have worn it, the suggestion would have disgusted me. There,
-where I was going to the opera, I was always thinking of the birds, and
-the one beautiful thing that I shall never forget is the shout of the
-birds’ song with which one is woken on a March morning. And how they
-sing after the rain.” She laughed at the contradiction in herself which
-had made her love in Paris what had so much bored her in England.
-
-“Yet within an hour of my meeting with my father I shall be wishing the
-cats good hunting,” she added smiling.
-
-“How will he greet me, I wonder?”--a question which had been repeated
-so often that it made her ill with apprehension.
-
-“What are the troubles that await me?” She was already at Dry Coulter;
-the elms rose up before her, and when she had crossed the last field
-the path would lead her through the churchyard and on to the green. The
-last field had been cut and the last of the hay was being carried, a
-little boy drove a clicking horse-rake across her path and, pulling a
-lever, dropped a thin roll of the last gleanings of hay at her feet;
-farther on two women were raking up the wisps of hay into heaps and a
-boy was pitching it into a red tumbril where another boy gathered it
-into his arms and trod it underfoot, after which the old mare was led
-on to the next heap.
-
-Anne could see that the hard work was done, that they were enjoying
-themselves playing at hay-making, clearing up what the men had left
-behind. Soon she was out of the hay-field, slipping over the wall of
-the churchyard, a wall which had been worn smooth by the breeches of
-generations of labourers, for a short cut to the footpath ran among the
-graves beneath the limbs of the giant sycamore. She had never liked
-the tree, sharing her father’s jealousy for the little church so far
-overtopped by it and so overshadowed in summer. If it had not been part
-of the rookery he would have had it cut down. The nests were hidden now
-in the leaves, and as she looked up into the tree an old fancy came
-back into her mind and she said: “The sycamore is like Ely Cathedral,
-so cool and so airy; to hop from one branch to another must be like
-sitting first on one chair and then on another; the pigeons shorten
-wing and alight to rest a while before they continue their voyages,
-just as the tourists come in and sit for a few moments before they
-motor on to Cambridge or King’s Lynn.”
-
-As she passed the porch she stopped with a new curiosity to read the
-notices, in the past she had so often written them herself, but the
-notice which caught her eye brought back all her apprehensions:
-
-
-NOTICE
-
- Owing to the continued indisposition of the vicar, arrangements have
- been made for morning service to be held every Sunday by the Reverend
- J. Grasstalk and the Reverend the Honourable F. H. G. L. à Court
- Delariver, alternately, until further notice.
-
- F. LAMBERT }
- H. BOTTLE } _Churchwardens_.
-
-“That means that father will lose his living unless I can persuade
-him.... I shall have to write to the Bishop. Perhaps if he took a
-holiday....” Anne hurried on and her spirits rose, for the worst had
-not happened. She had feared that she would find an inhibition. She
-opened the lychgate and went out on to the green, passing beneath the
-elms. There was the little stream, and there lay the old monument and
-the maze, but her thoughts of her father were dispersed by catching
-sight of a jumble of yellow derricks, of caravans and steam engines on
-the green.
-
-“Dry Coulter feast!” she exclaimed in astonishment. “Why, it must begin
-to-morrow! Here are the swing-boats and the roundabouts; here are the
-showmen and the gipsies.” She hurried forward, excited and yet annoyed
-that her home-coming had chanced to be on the eve of so momentous an
-occasion as the village feast. “Timed to fall between the hay-making
-and the harvest,” she said to herself. “Richard would tell me that the
-feast is as much a pagan custom as Plough Monday or May-day. Each of
-the villages about here has its feast, and they come one after another
-in the height of summer. They are feasts at which there is little
-feasting, only a roundabout and swing-boats on the green, but to-morrow
-the village girls will dance and the men roll up their shirtsleeves and
-try their strength and run in hurdle races, or win coconuts or a cup
-and saucer.”
-
-Under the elms and the beeches the canvas booths were already
-standing, five or six men were working hard to put up the swings, women
-were carrying pails of water, and the horses, still in their harness,
-were roaming over the green and cropping the grass. All the travelling
-people and even their children were working hard; they shouted to each
-other as they ran to and fro without sparing a glance for the groups of
-village children, the boys following them and getting in their way, the
-girls standing and gazing, or sitting close by in the grass. Among one
-of the groups, sitting and lying on the grass, Anne recognized a friend
-as she drew nearer.
-
-“Rachel,” she called, and the little girl looked up at once, but she
-hesitated for a moment before rising to her feet and, though she came
-to meet her, Anne noticed that she walked slowly where a few months
-before she would have run. The child’s shyness caused a like shyness
-in Anne herself, and they stood facing each other without kissing or
-shaking hands.
-
-“Thank you very much for the postcards you sent me, Mrs. Grandison,”
-said Rachel. “Richard gave me all the postcards you and Mr. Grandison
-sent him and I have put them all in my album.”
-
-“I wish you could have seen some of the places we went to, Rachel. A
-great river, the Rhone, rushes down between the vineyards, and there
-are castles and wonderful old towns,” said Anne, and for a little while
-she chattered of what she had seen abroad, but ended by saying: “I see
-they are getting ready for the feast. We went to a wonderful circus at
-Avignon. I thought of you, Rachel, when I saw it. Grandison won a live
-pigeon as a prize, for which we had no home, so we let it fly from the
-bridge over the river. It beat its wings and flew crazily this way and
-that, but at last it lifted itself and disappeared over the battlements
-into the town. Have you been to any circuses since we went to Linton
-Fair together?”
-
-There was a look of defiance in the child’s face and a hard note in her
-shrill voice. Her face was paler than ever, but dark under the eyes.
-
-“No, I haven’t been to a circus there, Mrs. Grandison. Richard wanted
-to take me to the feast at Wet Coulter but I wouldn’t go.”
-
-“You’ll enjoy the feast here to-morrow, won’t you?”
-
-“Yes, I shall enjoy the Dry Coulter feast, Mrs. Grandison,” answered
-Rachel.
-
-“Come part of the way home with me,” said Anne.
-
-“I’ll come to the edge of the green.”
-
-They walked for a little while in silence.
-
-“You have had your hair cut, Rachel. Was that Richard’s doing?”
-
-The little girl blushed scarlet, she hung her head and seemed on the
-point of bursting into tears. Anne cursed herself for her unfortunate
-question. “The child must have got creatures in her head; I should have
-remembered the village better,” but she was mistaken in her thought,
-for when Rachel spoke it was to say: “I heard that you had your hair
-cut off, Mrs. Grandison.”
-
-Anne took off her hat. “Yes,” she said. “It is shorter than yours. Did
-Richard tell you that?” Their eyes met; Rachel had recovered herself.
-“I am going to let it grow again,” she said defiantly. “Father doesn’t
-like it short.” She stopped to kick a stone viciously out of her path.
-
-On hearing Mr. Sotheby spoken of, Anne felt strangely embarrassed, and
-to turn the conversation she asked: “How is your mother? Will you tell
-her that I am back and that I shall come round to the shop to see her
-as soon as I can?”
-
-“Mother is not in the shop now,” replied Rachel almost rudely.
-
-They had reached the edge of the green, and the little girl stopped
-short, motionless and stubborn, by the little bridge.
-
-“Mother is never in the shop now, nor am I. Father is made the
-manager, and there is a man under him learning to take his place.”
-
-“Is Richard here or in London?” Anne asked. “My husband spent a day
-looking for him but couldn’t find him.”
-
-“Richard’s busy.” This time the rudeness in the child’s voice was
-unmistakable, and there was a pause whilst Anne looked down into the
-pale face working with passion. The little girl was trying hard to keep
-back her tears.
-
-“I’m to go to school at Cambridge. Richard says I am to get a
-scholarship to go to college.”
-
-“Come a little farther and tell me about it,” said Anne.
-
-Rachel’s emotion upset her, and she was tired of standing still.
-
-“No, I must go back now.” The little girl was still uneasy, and shifted
-from foot to foot.
-
-“Well, I daresay we shall meet to-morrow,” said Anne, disappointed. She
-was reluctant to let Rachel go, wanting to find an excuse for delaying
-her own arrival at the vicarage.
-
-“Let’s go to the feast to-morrow and ride on the roundabout together,”
-she said.
-
-Rachel lifted a pale face and gazed at her angrily; two tears ran
-unheeded down her cheeks and she answered with indignation.
-
-“No, you won’t be stopping here long”; then, without waiting for an
-answer or to say good-bye, she ran back on to the village green. When
-she had gone a little way she dropped into a walk and soon stopped.
-She was not in the mood to rejoin her companions; watching the gipsies
-would no longer interest her, and as soon as Anne had turned the corner
-Rachel slowly followed in her footsteps.
-
-The rays of the sun were horizontal, and the last strip of turf by
-the Broad Ditch was striped with the shadows of the elms, the darkest
-and the most brilliant greens; on the water a crowd of ducklings were
-swimming eagerly in all directions, in and out of the sunlight; in
-another half-hour the dew would begin to fall and the little owls would
-come out to hoot at the cats. Anne turned to look back. Behind her the
-lower branches of the elms were already in shadow, their tops shone in
-the sunlight; between the trunks she could see a glimpse of the village
-green beyond, with the yellow painted roof of a roundabout. There was a
-silence and suddenly Anne gave a long sigh, a sigh of happiness.
-
-“I am happy now and completely at peace. I was never happy here before,
-but I am now, for I am free. The opinion of neighbours cannot weigh
-on me, for my life is full and happy and satisfied. Each day is rich
-and full, and though summer passes it returns again. There are better
-years coming than any of the years which are past, and the leaves will
-always drop in November and spring afresh in May.”
-
-The figure of Rachel came into view, and Anne saw the child stop.
-
-“Well, now I must see my father,” she said to herself, shrugging her
-shoulders, a trick she had caught from Grandison; then she turned
-towards the vicarage, and swinging her arms and shaking her bare head,
-she walked forward. From a distance the vicarage was black against the
-sunset, but as she came abreast of it, she saw it clearly, the old
-familiar building, strangely like a Noah’s ark, with a chimney at each
-end. But the moment that she glanced at it Anne stopped short. The
-vicarage--it had been burnt! It was a ruin. But the hollyhocks were
-standing in full flower; the roses on the wall were not scorched--and
-Anne could see that there had been no fire: all that had happened was
-that the windows had been taken out: there was no glass: there were no
-window-sashes.
-
-Wire netting had been nailed across each of the down-stair windows,
-but the bedroom windows were open spaces. Otherwise there was little
-change; the front lawn had been mowed recently, the path had been
-weeded, and round the windowless house all the rose-trees were in
-bloom.
-
-Anne walked slowly up the pathway, noticing everything and reassured
-by a hundred little details. The box-trees had been clipped. On the
-doorstep she paused, uncertain whether to try the door-handle or to
-ring the bell.
-
-“I will ring the bell,” she said to herself, lifting her eyes to see if
-she were being spied upon from upstairs. Through the open windows first
-one bird flew and then another, a third chased it; then, as the bell
-jangled in the hall, a whole covey of sparrows flew out over her head.
-
-“The windows have been taken out so that the birds may fly in.” The
-change seemed to her a sensible one for her father to have made. She
-could hear the shuffling of footsteps inside, and at that moment the
-thought flashed through her mind that if her father’s eccentricities
-were become such that he could no longer be a clergyman, he would make
-an admirable bird-watcher on some island sanctuary.
-
-“He would live alone in a hut without seeing anyone for six months of
-the year, and he would be perfectly happy.” Her project filled her with
-excitement; she longed to talk of it, to find out if she could put it
-into execution.
-
-The door was flung open and her father stood before her, glaring up
-at her, for the floor of the house was sunk below the level of the
-garden, but he showed no sign of recognition. His cheeks were hollow,
-his tangled beard full of grey hairs and his black, clerical coat was
-filthy with the droppings of birds; the shoulders and sleeves seeming
-as if they had been spattered over with whitewash. An unpleasant dirty
-smell came through the door; in spite of ventilation the house smelled
-like an old hen-coop.
-
-Anne waited for her father to speak, watching him silently while the
-anger died out of his gaze. He coughed once or twice, blinked his eyes
-as if very tired, and said at last in a mild voice: “Well, Anne, my
-dear.”
-
-“Did you get my letter? I have come to pay you a visit, father.”
-
-A mischievous, slightly guilty expression came over Mr. Dunnock’s face
-and he coughed again. “I am afraid I didn’t read it,” he answered. “I
-hardly know if I can invite you in. You see I am living with the angels
-now.”
-
-There was a long silence. “It was very sweet of you to write such a
-kind letter about my marriage,” said Anne at last. “And to send me
-Mamma’s teapot, and to tell me about the tragedy in the dove house.”
-
-“The swallows have come back,” said Mr. Dunnock. He spoke eagerly, and
-stepping out of the house, he took his daughter by the arm and led her
-round the end of the vicarage. A steel-blue bird circled over their
-heads and swooped into the open door of the dove house.
-
-“Angels,” said Mr. Dunnock, putting a finger to his lips. “They are
-angels.”
-
-
-THE END
-
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