diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/69690-h/69690-h.htm')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/69690-h/69690-h.htm | 2878 |
1 files changed, 0 insertions, 2878 deletions
diff --git a/old/69690-h/69690-h.htm b/old/69690-h/69690-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 066d523..0000000 --- a/old/69690-h/69690-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2878 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html> -<html lang="en"> -<head> - <meta charset="UTF-8"> - <title> - Look out for paint: A farce comedy in three acts, by Cornelius Shea—A Project Gutenberg eBook - </title> - <link rel="icon" href="images/cover.jpg" type="image/x-cover"> - <style> -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - -h1,h2,h3 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -h1 { - font-weight: bold; - font-size: 240% - } -h2 { - margin-top: 4em; - font-weight: bold; - font-size: 200% - } -h3 { - font-weight: bold; - font-size: 150% - } - - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; - text-indent: 1em; -} - -.p1 {margin-top: 1em;} -.p1bot {margin-bottom: 1em;} -.p2 {margin-top: 2em;} -.p3 {margin-top: 3em;} -.p4 {margin-top: 4em;} - -.fs100 {font-size: 100%;} -.fs120 {font-size: 120%;} -.fs140 {font-size: 140%;} -.fs175 {font-size: 175%;} -.fs200 {font-size: 200%;} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -x-ebookmaker hr.chap {width: 0%; display: none;} - -hr.r10 {width: 10%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 45%; margin-right: 45%;} - -div.chapter {page-break-before: always;} -h2.nobreak {page-break-before: avoid;} - -table { - margin-left: auto; - margin-right: auto; - width: 90%; -} - -table.autotable { border-collapse: collapse;} - -.tdl {text-align: left;} -.tdlt {text-align: left; padding-top: 1em;} - -/* hanging indents */ -.tdlbot {text-align: left; padding-left: 1em; vertical-align: bottom;} - -/* for spacing */ -.pad6 {padding-left: 6em;} - -.lht {line-height: 1.5em;} - -.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ - /* visibility: hidden; */ - position: absolute; - color: #A9A9A9; - left: 91%; - font-size: smaller; - text-align: right; - font-style: normal; - font-weight: normal; - font-variant: normal; - text-indent: 1em; -} /* page numbers */ - -.blockquot { - margin-left: 5%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - -.bold {font-weight: bold;} -.center {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em;} -.hang {padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;} -.noindent {text-indent: 0em;} -.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} -.allsmcap {font-variant: small-caps; text-transform: lowercase;} -ul {list-style-type: none;} - -img { - max-width: 100%; - height: auto; -} - -img.w70 {width: 70%;} -img.w100 {width: 100%;} - -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; - page-break-inside: avoid; - max-width: 100%; -} - -.transnote { - background-color: #E6E6FA; - color: black; - font-size:smaller; - padding:0.5em; - margin-bottom:5em; - font-family:sans-serif, serif; -} - -.illowp70 {width: 70%;} -.illowe9 {width: 9em;} - -x-ebookmaker-drop, .x-ebookmaker-drop {} - - </style> - </head> -<body> -<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Look out for paint, by Cornelius Shea</p> -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Look out for paint</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:0; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:1em;'>A farce comedy in three acts</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Cornelius Shea</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: January 2, 2023 [eBook #69690]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: Charlene Taylor and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK OUT FOR PAINT ***</div> -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<div class="figcenter illowp70" id="cover"> -<img alt="Original cover" class="w70" src="images/cover.jpg"> -</div> -</div> -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="A_W_Pineros_Plays">A. W. Pinero’s Plays</h2> -</div> - -<p class="bold p1bot center noindent fs120">Price, 50 Cents Each</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent"><b>THE AMAZONS</b> Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, five females. -Costumes, modern; scenery, not -difficult. Plays a full evening.</p> - -<p class="noindent"><b>THE CABINET MINISTER</b> Farce in Four Acts. Ten -males, nine females. Costumes, -modern society; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening.</p> - -<p class="noindent"><b>DANDY DICK</b> Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four females. -Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. -Plays two hours and a half.</p> - -<p class="noindent"><b>THE GAY LORD QUEX</b> Comedy in Four Acts. Four males, -ten females. Costumes, modern; -scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening.</p> - -<p class="noindent"><b>THE HOUSE IN ORDER</b> Comedy in Four Acts. Nine males, -four females. Costumes, modern; -scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening.</p> - -<p class="noindent"><b>THE HOBBY HORSE</b> Comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, -five females. Costumes, modern; -scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half.</p> - -<p class="noindent"><b>IRIS</b> Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, -modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening.</p> - -<p class="noindent"><b>LADY BOUNTIFUL</b> Play in Four Acts. Eight males, seven -females. Costumes, modern; scenery, -four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening.</p> - -<p class="noindent"><b>LETTY</b> Drama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five -females. Costumes, modern; scenery complicated. -Plays a full evening.</p> - -<p class="noindent p1bot"><b>THE MAGISTRATE</b> Farce in Three Acts. Twelve males, -four females. Costumes, modern; -scenery, all interior. Plays two hours and a half.</p> -</div> - -<p class="center noindent"><span class="fs120 lht">Sent prepaid on receipt of price by</span><br> -<span class="fs140 lht">Walter H. Baker & Company</span><br> -<span class="fs120 lht">No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts</span></p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<h1>Look Out For Paint</h1> - -<p class="center p2 noindent fs120 bold">A Farce Comedy in Three Acts</p> - -<p class="center p2 noindent fs120 bold">By<br> -CORNELIUS SHEA</p> - -<p class="center p2 noindent"><span class="fs100">BOSTON</span><br> -<span class="fs120">WALTER H. BAKER & CO.</span><br> -<span class="fs100">1912</span></p> -</div> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_2"></a>[1-2]</span></p> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="Look_Out_For_Paint">Look Out For Paint</h2> -</div> - -<h3>CHARACTERS</h3> - -<p class="p1 p1bot center noindent">(<em>As originally produced in Tottenville, N. Y., June 9, 1911</em>).</p> - -<table class="autotable"> -<tr> -<td class="tdlt hang"><span class="smcap">Hiram Rodney</span>, <em>owner of “High Up Farm”</em> -<td class="tdlbot"><em>Mr. Frank J. Dolan</em>.</td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdlt hang"><span class="smcap">Percy Heartache</span>, <em>an artist, in love with Rodney’s daughter Helen</em></td> -<td class="tdlbot"><em>Mr. Benjamin B. Cole</em>.</td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdlt hang"><span class="smcap">Hickory Homespun</span>, <em>a bashful farmer, who is well to do</em></td> -<td class="tdlbot"><em>Mr. J. J. Malle</em>.</td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdlt hang"><span class="smcap">Trotwell Roamer</span>, <em>a tramp, who is a painter by trade</em></td> -<td class="tdlbot"><em>Mr. Edward Johnson</em>.</td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdlt hang"><span class="smcap">Bill</span>, <em>a big, good-natured boy who does the chores</em></td> -<td class="tdlbot"><em>Mr. Arthur Parsons</em>.</td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdlt hang"><span class="smcap">Susan Rodney</span>, <em>the farmer’s wife</em></td> -<td class="tdlbot"><em>Miss Cecilia Stern</em>.</td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdlt hang"><span class="smcap">Helen Rodney</span>, <em>the farmer’s daughter</em></td> -<td class="tdlbot"><em>Miss Lena S. Hoehn</em>.</td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdlt hang"><span class="smcap">Hattie Renwick</span>, <em>a stenographer from the city, past thirty and anxious to wed</em></td> -<td class="tdlbot"><em>Miss Marvel Matthes</em>.</td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdlt hang"><span class="smcap">Lucinda Wheatchaff</span>, <em>a widow in love with Hickory Homespun</em></td> -<td class="tdlbot"><em>Mrs. Willis Larkin</em>.</td> -</tr> -</table> - -<p class="p1 center noindent"><span class="smcap">Time</span>:—The present. <span class="smcap">Locality</span>:—A farm in the upper part -of New York State.</p> - -<p class="p1 center noindent">Time of performance, one hour and a half.</p> - -<figure class="figcenter illowe9" id="colophon"> - <img alt="Publisher_colophon" class="w100" src="images/colophon.jpg"> -</figure> - -<p class="p1 center noindent"><span class="smcap">Copyright, 1912, by Walter H. Baker & Co.</span><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_3"></a>[3]</span></p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<h3 class="nobreak" id="SYNOPSIS">SYNOPSIS</h3> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Act I.</span>—Dining-room at “High Up Farm.” The arrival of the -boarder from the city. The two letters. The farmer decides to -have his sailboat painted, since the summer boarders have begun -to come.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Act II.</span>—Lawn at “High Up Farm.” Heartache is much perplexed. -Helen helps him fix it. The tramp. The plot. Hattie -is surprised. “He has disguised himself to test the depths of my -devotion.” The tramp tries to escape.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Act III.</span>—Same as Act II. An embarrassing mistake. “Look -out for paint.” Miss Renwick decides that she don’t want a -husband. The widow wins. Bill settles it all.</p> - -<h3>COSTUMES</h3> - -<p>It will be necessary for Hattie and Helen to change. Hattie -is to be stylishly gowned in summer apparel when she enters in -first act. Helen to fit the occasion, as a farmer’s daughter when -at work about the house, and also “dressed up” to receive visitors. -Bill in ridiculous make-up and big straw hat. Percy in -rather dudish style. Roamer in ragged coat and overalls. -Hiram as a farmer at work. Hickory “dressed up” a little. -Lucinda as a widow just discarding her weeds. Susan with -apron, etc.</p> - -<h3>PROPERTIES</h3> - -<p>Churn, table, chairs, benches, etc., broom, feather duster and -ordinary furnishings for common sitting-room; table is set on lawn -during intermission between second and third acts Sign, “Cow -<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_5"></a>[4-5]</span>for Sale.” Two paint cans, with brushes.</p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<p class="p3 center noindent fs175">Look Out for Paint</p> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="ACT_I">ACT I</h2> -</div> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">SCENE.—<em>Sitting-room of the “High Up Farmhouse.”</em></p> -</div> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram Rodney</span>, <em>drying hands with big, coarse towel</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> So it’s city boarders we’re going to have, eh? -An’ one is comin’ to-day! Well, I don’t think a whole lot of -this pesky business, but Susan got it in her head to take ’em, -so I s’pose she’s got to have her way about it. Women-folks -generally does have their own way, anyhow. I know Susan -does; she always has, too. But it’s all right. A little cash -money from boarders will come in mighty handy, I calculate. -It’s been so dry that it looks as though the corn crop is going -to be a rank failure. An’ the hay——(<em>Voices and laughter -outside.</em>) Hello! What’s this? Bill has brought the new -boarder over from the depot, I s’pose. (<em>Goes to door at</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>) -Yes, sure enough, she’s come. My! but ain’t she dressed up! -Paint an’ powder on her face, too! An’ Bill is luggin’ in her -trunk.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>, <em>carrying trunk, followed by</em> <span class="smcap">Hattie Renwick</span>.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Here we are, Mr. Rodney. I found her all right. -Ain’t she a stunner? I’ll bet that dress an’ hat of hers cost -more’n five dollars, bergosh! Ain’t she——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Shet up, you fool! Don’t you know how to act -when we’ve got company?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>graciously</em>). Oh, don’t mind him. I think Bill is -just too cute for anything. He is so witty in his conversation -that I just enjoyed myself riding over from the depot. (<em>Laughs -lightly and glances killingly at</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>, <em>who curtsies and then -struts around like a peacock</em>.) So this is High Up Farm, I -suppose?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Yes, miss, that’s just what it is. Be you Miss -Hattie Renwick, the new boarder?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_6"></a>[6]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Yes, that is who I am, sir. I suppose you are Mr. -Rodney?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> That’s me. I’m the boss of this here place—when -Susan ain’t around, I mean. (<em>Footsteps at</em> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>) Here -she comes now. She’ll look after you all right, miss. Susan -knows her business.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Susan Rodney</span>, <em>from kitchen at</em> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Mrs. Rodney, I presume?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<em>bowing and smiling</em>). Yes, that’s who I be. You -are the young lady come here to board, I take it?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> That’s who she is, Susan. Jest look after her, will -you? (<em>To</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>.) Take that trunk up-stairs, Bill, an’ hurry -up about it. I’ve got to send you back to the village before -you unhitch the mare. I wanted you to do an errand for me, -but you went off without me knowin’ it. Hurry up now.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> All right. I’ll git this here trunk up-stairs in a jiffy. -(<em>Tries to lift trunk and falls over it.</em>) Gosh! I missed my -hold that time. (<em>To</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span>) Say, miss, there ain’t no crockery -in this, is there?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>laughing</em>). No crockery, Bill.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> All right, then.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<span class="smcap">Hiram</span> <em>helps him and the two exeunt with trunk at</em> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>looking about room and breathing a sigh of relief</em>). -What a relief to get out of the crowded, dusty city. I am so -glad I am here.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> You ought to be, Miss Renwick. There is nothing -like the dear old country, after all. Shall I show you to -your room?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> If you please, Mrs. Rodney.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <em>Exeunt</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> <em>and</em> -<span class="smcap">Hat.</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Now, Bill, I want you to drive over to the village -and tell Jim Styles to send a man over here to paint ther boat -just as soon as he kin. Since we’re goin’ ter have boarders, -we’ve got to have the boat so they kin use it on the lake. Tell -him it’s white paint for the outside an’ yaller inside. Don’t -you forgit, Bill.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> I won’t. But I’ll have to bring in an armful of wood -first. I seen there wasn’t any in ther wood-box when I come -in.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_7"></a>[7]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Mighty thoughtful of you all at once.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Say! but ain’t the new boarder a daisy?</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Laughs uproariously.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Pshaw! You don’t think that city gal would take -any notice of you, do yer?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> I don’t, eh? That’s as much as you know about it. -Why, she told me I was a fine specimen of a healthy young -farmer. (<em>Draws himself up proudly.</em>) An’ she give me a dig -in ther ribs, too. She’s a reg’lar peach! (<em>Laughs loudly again.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> You’re a born fool, Bill, an’ you don’t know it. -That gal was jest makin’ fun of yer, that’s all.     [<em>Exeunt</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Helen Rodney</span>, <em>with bunch of flowers in her hand</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> I see the buggy outside, so I suppose our boarder has -arrived. I wonder how she looks? She wrote that she is a -stenographer in New York, and the letter was typewritten, too. -By the way it read, she must be very much of a lady. Well, -as there is no one here now, I’ll take my chance to write a note -to Percy. I know mother won’t object, so I’ll invite him over -to take tea with us to-morrow afternoon. Percy is just too -sweet for anything; and he is an artist, too! I hope the new -boarder is not good-looking, so there will be no danger of her -cutting me out. (<em>Opens drawer in stand and takes out paper, -pen and ink and writes.</em>) There! (<em>Holds up note she has -written.</em>) That is rather brief, but it will answer the purpose, -I know. Percy will be delighted to come, too. When mother -and father see him and get acquainted with him they won’t -mind if he comes often, I am sure. (<em>Reads.</em>) “Dear Percy, -come over to-morrow afternoon and take tea with us. Pa -and ma will be pleased to see you. Yours lovingly, H. R.” -(<em>Places paper in envelope and addresses it.</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>is heard -whistling outside</em>.) Here, Bill, I want you. Hurry up.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>enters on a run and stumbles, throwing an armful of -wood on the floor</em>.)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>on his hands and knees</em>). What do yer want, Helen?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Get up, stupid. I want you to take this letter to the -post-office some time to-day.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>taking letter</em>). All right, Helen. I’ve got to go to -ther village right away, an’ I’ll mail ther letter for yer.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_8"></a>[8]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Well, see that you don’t lose it. Here is ten cents -for you.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Hooray! I’ll buy a mouth-organ now. Then I’ll -make some mew-sick around High Up Farm, see if I don’t. -Helen, you never heard me play a mouth-organ, did yer?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> No; and I don’t wish to hear you, either. Just pick -up that wood and be off with you.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>gathering up the sticks of wood</em>). All right, Helen. -I forgot to thank you for this dime.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>Puts coin in mouth and then goes off</em> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>)</p> - -<p class="noindent">(<em>Exit</em> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span>, <span class="allsmcap">C.</span> <em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Oh! Here is pen, ink and paper. Just what I -want. I wonder if I could get that simple fellow, Bill, to go -over to the post-office? I must let Percy know I am here. -Won’t he be surprised! What a romance, indeed. We have -never seen each other, nor even exchanged photographs, but I -am sure he loves me, or he would never have answered my -second letter after reading my advertisement in a matrimonial -paper. When I found High Up Farm was so near the village -he is stopping in I could not make arrangements to come here -quickly enough. How delightful! How romantic! I’ll just -write him a few words to let him know I am here. I will ask -him to come over to-morrow afternoon. Just think of it! -How romantic it will be! I am sure I will know him, for I -can imagine just how he looks from his letters. And he is an -artist, too. Very, very romantic! (<em>Sits down and writes.</em>) -There! I think this will do. (<em>Reads.</em>) “Dear Percy: I -have just arrived at High Up Farm and will be pleased to meet -you here to-morrow afternoon. I know how surprised you will -be when you read this, and feel sure that when you see me you -will not be sorry you answered my matrimonial advertisement, -which was really inserted more in a spirit of mischief than anything -else. Yours, lovingly, H. R.” (<em>To audience.</em>) That -ought to land him, if anything will. Since I have decided to -get married, I must go the limit. I must land this handsome -young artist—I know he must be handsome, for artists always -are—and I will surely look my best to-morrow afternoon. I -wonder where that big booby, Bill, is? (<span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>heard whistling -outside</em>.) Oh! there he is now. (<em>Walks to</em> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>) Come here, -Bill; I want you.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_9"></a>[9]</span></p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>, <em>whip in hand</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> What do you want, miss?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> When are you going over to the village again?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Right now. Kin I do anything for yer?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>sealing note in envelope</em>). Yes; take this letter to -the post-office for me. (<em>Writes address on envelope.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> All right, Miss Daisy; I’ll do it for yer.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> My name isn’t Daisy.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Well, you’re a daisy, jest ther same.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>laughing</em>). Do you think so, Bill?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> I don’t think so; I know it, bergosh!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> None of that, Bill. I know you don’t mean a word -of what you say. You are just like the rest of the men.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>pulling up trousers and strutting about with chest -thrown out</em>). Rest of ther men, eh? Well, I always thought -I was nothin’ but a boy yet. But if you say I’m a man, I must -be, Daisy.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>handing him letter and piece of money</em>). Here is a -quarter for you. Take the letter and be sure and mail it. -That’s a good boy.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>starting toward</em> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>). Boy, eh? A minute ago I was -a man. Well, that’s jest like ther wimmen-folks. They say -one thing an’ mean another.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Laughs loudly and goes off</em> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span> <em>goes off</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>)</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Now I suppose I must get dinner ready. The new -boarder is most likely hungry, an’ I want her to be satisfied. -Six dollars a week ain’t to be sneezed at these times.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Starts for</em> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>, <em>when</em> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span> <em>enters</em>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Mother, I have asked a young man to come over -and take tea with us to-morrow. You don’t object, do you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Young man? You mean that painter you’ve talked -so much about in the last week or two, I s’pose?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Not painter, mother. He is an artist.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, ain’t a painter an artist? I call him a -painter, an’ I don’t think he amounts to much, though I ain’t -never set eyes on him.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>taking</em> <span class="smcap">Susan’s</span> <em>face in her hands</em>). Oh, mother,<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_10"></a>[10]</span> -you will surely change your opinion when you see him once. -He is just too sweet for anything. He is very wealthy, too, -and I happen to know that he has more than an ordinary fondness -for me.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<em>disengaging herself from</em> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span>). All girls are -alike at your age. Well, let him come, if he wants to. I was -thinking of inviting the widow over to-morrow afternoon, so -Miss Renwick would have company. Most likely she’ll find it -rather lonesome here at first. Hick Homespun told your father -he was coming over to look at the brindle cow which is for sale, -to-morrow afternoon, so it will just come in fine. The widow -has set her cap for Hick, an’ I’ve made up my mind to help -her along all I can. Yes. Let the painter come over, an’ we’ll -have a little party.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> And we won’t say anything about it to father, or -the boarder, mother. Let’s make it a surprise party, as far as -they are concerned.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Very well, Helen. I was goin’ to tell your father, -but if you want him surprised it’s all right.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Where is the new boarder, mother? I haven’t -seen her yet.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> She is up in her room. She seems to be a very -nice girl.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Is she good-looking?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Very. She reminds me of one of them pictures you -see in the fashion books. (<em>Starts.</em>) I hear her coming downstairs -now. I’ll introduce you right away.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Has Bill gone yet, Mrs. Rodney? I have just discovered -that I failed to bring my tooth powder with me, and -if there is a drug store at the village I want him to get me -some.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> I’ll see if Bill has gone yet, Miss Renwick. (<em>Goes -to door at</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <em>and looks out</em>.) There! he is going now. Hey, -Bill! Come back here. You’re wanted. (<em>Comes back.</em>) -Miss Renwick, let me make you acquainted with my daughter -Helen.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<span class="smcap">Hel.</span>, <em>who has been studying the new boarder, advances -a step and bows</em>.)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> I am very glad to meet her, I am sure. How do you -do, Miss Rodney? (<em>They shake hands.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_11"></a>[11]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> I am quite well, I thank you. I hope you will like -it here at High Up Farm.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> I hope so; but it does seem rather slow here at the -start. You see, I am so used to the gay life of the city, with -the theatre parties every night or two, and the receptions and -balls. It is so different in the country. But I will get used to -it, I know.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Miss Renwick, do stenographers have such enjoyment -in the city? They must draw large salaries.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Oh, they do. But of course they don’t use their own -money for such pleasures. The fellows attend to that part of -it—young men interested in Wall Street, and the like, you -know.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Oh, I see. It must be delightful to live in the city -and be a stenographer.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>hurriedly from</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> What do yer want, Missus Rodney? You jest -stopped me in time. If I hadn’t waited to fix ther mare’s -traces you wouldn’t have got me.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>smiling graciously</em>). It is I who want you, Bill.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Oh, it’s you, eh, Daisy?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> What did I tell you about calling me Daisy?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Excuse me. I’ll change it an’ call you Peach, then.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Stop your nonsense, Bill. (<em>Takes money from purse -and hands it to him.</em>) There! Stop at the drug store and -get me a box of tooth powder. If you can’t get powder, get -paste.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> An’ if I can’t git paste I’ll git a bottle of mucilage.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> The idea, Bill! Mucilage! People don’t use -such stuff as that to clean their teeth.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> If they was false it would be good to stick ’em to -ther gums.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>sharply</em>). Bill, I want you to understand that my -teeth are all my own.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Of course, Daisy—I mean Peach. Whose would they -be? If you’ve got false ones most likely you paid for ’em. -Whose would they be? (<em>Goes to door at</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <em>laughing</em>.) But -all right, Peach. I’ll git ther tooth powder for yer. I won’t -forgit. I’m goin’ to buy a set of clappers with that quarter you -give me afore. Then, with a new mouth-organ an’ ther clappers, -there’ll be a regular band of music around High Up Farm.     [<em>Exit.</em></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_12"></a>[12]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Mother, that boy is getting to be a regular nuisance. -The idea of him speaking that way to a stranger!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Oh! I don’t mind him, Miss Rodney. Bill isn’t -exactly all right. I noticed that when he met me at the depot. -He means no offense, I am sure. His comical actions and remarks -help take away the dullness. Bill is all right.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, we’ve had him ever since he was about ten -years old, an’ he’s always been pretty faithful. I s’pose he -can’t help it if he’s a little loose in his upper story. Most -likely he was born that way.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Quite likely, mother.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>sitting down</em>). Miss Helen, are there many good-looking -young farmers around here?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> There are plenty of young men in the neighborhood, -Miss Renwick. But as to their good looks, I suppose you -would be better able to judge than I. You reside in the city, -and I presume you see so many handsome young men that you -would not think much of those you will meet here in the country. -As for myself, I don’t care a great deal for farmers.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Shame on you, Helen! You, a farmer’s daughter, -talkin’ like that.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> I can’t help it, mother; just because I was born -on a farm don’t say that I should be a farmer’s wife.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Why, I think that would be delightful, provided the -husband could give his wife all she wanted. Plenty of fine -dresses, a horse and carriage, and a nice automobile. Farmers -usually are very wealthy, I have heard.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, there ain’t many rich ones around here, Miss -Renwick. About the only one anywhere around here who’s -got plenty of money is Hick Homespun, an’ his father left it to -him. Hick never earned it, though he does know pretty well -how to keep it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Hick Homespun! What a funny name, Mrs. -Rodney.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Yes, it is a sorter old-fashioned name. But Hick -is all right, just the same.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> His given name is Hickory, but every one calls -him Hick, for short.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Is he married?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> No, he is a bachelor farmer.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> But he ain’t likely to remain a bachelor very long. -Lucinda Wheatchaff, the widow, has set her cap for him. She’ll -catch him, too, for Lucinda has very winnin’ ways. She made<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_13"></a>[13]</span> -up her mind to get Hank Wheatchaff, an’ she jest went ahead -an’ got him. But Hank didn’t live more’n a year, an’ when -he died he left the widow a nice little farm an’ a few thousands -in cash. Lucinda will win Hick all right, though he’s an awful -bashful man. She’ll—— (<em>Knock at door</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>) As I live! I -believe that’s the widow now. I always know her knock. -(<em>Calls out.</em>) Come in.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Lucinda Wheatchaff</span>.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> Hello, everybody! Isn’t this a lovely day? (<em>Sees</em> -<span class="smcap">Hat.</span>) Oh! excuse me, Mrs. Rodney. I wasn’t aware that -you had company.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<em>introducing them</em>). Mrs. Wheatchaff, this is our -new boarder, Miss Renwick, of New York.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> How do you do, Miss Renwick? We country folks -are always glad to meet city folks.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>graciously</em>). It gives me great pleasure to make your -acquaintance, Mrs. Wheatchaff.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>They shake hands, the widow very demonstrative.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Lucinda, I was just telling Miss Renwick about -Hick. She wanted to know if there were any nice young men -around here.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> Oh, she wanted to know that, eh? (<em>Sizes up</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span> -<em>critically, and then gives a sniff</em>.) Well, I hardly think Hick -Homespun would suit her. Hick has got an awful objection -to paint and powder, too. He wouldn’t be apt to take to Miss -Renwick.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>with sweet sarcasm</em>). Indeed! Mrs. Wheatchaff, -you are very blunt in your way of speaking, I see. But if the -gentleman referred to objects to paint and powder, how do you -ever expect to win him?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> (<em>holding up her hands in surprise</em>). Me? As if I -wanted another man! I’ve had one, and I am sure that is -enough. (<em>Picks up her parasol and walks about indignantly.</em>) -But say! (<em>Pauses before</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span> <em>and shakes parasol at her</em>.) -If you think you can get Hick Homespun to take any notice of -you, go ahead. I’m sure it is nothing to me. But I don’t believe——</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Loud noise outside, and</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram</span> <em>enters in great excitement</em>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Susan, get the gun—quick! There’s a big<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_14"></a>[14]</span> -chicken-hawk after the old dominick hen an’ her chickens. -Hurry, Susan!</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>Exit</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> <em>hurriedly at</em> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span> <em>grabs a feather duster</em>, -<span class="smcap">Hat.</span> <em>seizes broom which</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> <em>has left in a corner of the -room, and</em> <span class="smcap">Luc.</span> <em>waves her parasol</em>. <span class="smcap">Susan</span> <em>enters</em> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> -<em>with gun. Then</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram</span> <em>grabs the gun and all rush out -excitedly. Report of gun is heard.</em>)</p> -</div> - -<p class="center noindent fs100">QUICK CURTAIN</p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_15"></a>[15]</span></p> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="ACT_II">ACT II</h2> -</div> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">SCENE.—<em>Lawn of the “High Up Farmhouse.” Day later. -A few chairs and benches scattered about. Churn near side -of house. Sign: “Cow for sale” on tree.</em></p> -</div> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Percy Heartache</span>, <span class="allsmcap">L.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>perplexed</em>). Well, this is a great state of affairs. I -don’t know how I am to get out of the mess I am in. Who -would ever have dreamed of such a thing as that girl I corresponded -with through the foolish matrimonial advertisement -would be here? Why, I never saw her, and I only answered -her letters for fun. The idea of her going so far as to come -here to board! It is ridiculous. But to make matters worse -(<em>shaking his head sadly</em>) Helen sends me an invitation to -come over this afternoon and get acquainted with her parents. -The two letters arrived at the same time, and both bear the -same initials. (<em>Takes letters from pocket and again shakes his -head.</em>) Well (<em>bracing up</em>), I made up my mind to come here -and make a clean breast of it to Helen, and I came an hour -earlier, so I might learn my fate as soon as possible. I wish I -could see her without going to the house. Ah! here she comes -now, as I live!</p> - -<p> -<em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <em>Hurries to the churn and starts churning.</em><br> -</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Oh, dear! I wish the butter would come. (<em>Churns -vigorously.</em>) I won’t have time to dress before Percy gets -here. The dear fellow. I know he will surely come.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>brightens up and steps softly toward her</em>. <span class="smcap">Hel.</span> -<em>has her back to him and has not seen him</em>.)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Ahem!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>stops churning and turns</em>). Oh! is it you, Mr. -Heartache?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Yes, Miss Rodney. I came over a little early, because -I have something to say to you. It is of a rather serious -nature, and has been worrying me ever since I went to the -post-office last night. (<em>Walks to</em> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span>)</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_16"></a>[16]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>aside</em>). Gracious! It can’t be that he is going to -propose. (<em>Walks toward</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>.) What is it, Mr. Heartache? -Perhaps I might be able to advise you.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>brightening up</em>). I am sure you can, Helen—I -mean Miss Rodney. I surely am in a bad fix. But sit down -here and I’ll tell you all about it.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>They sit upon bench near</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Go on and tell me. I am sure your troubles cannot -be very great.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Wait until you have heard. Helen—excuse me -for calling you Helen——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Certainly. To be even with you, I shall call you -Percy.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> I like that. But let me tell my story. Perhaps -after you have heard it you won’t want to ever see me again.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Is it so serious as all that?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> It surely is. Helen, a month or so ago I was foolish -enough to answer an advertisement in a matrimonial paper. -I did it just for the fun of the thing, you know.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> I did the same thing once. A bachelor, whose chief -drawing points were that he was bald-headed and had a fortune, -advertised that he wished to correspond with a charming country -girl who was matrimonially inclined, and I wrote to him.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Ah! is that so?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Yes; but there was no harm in it, was there?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span>. Certainly not. How many letters did you write to -him?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Only one. I did not answer the one I received in -reply, for it seemed as though he meant business, and what -did I want of an old bald-headed man, even if he was rich?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Of course you didn’t want him. But to be real -serious, Helen. The fix I am in at present is all through answering -an advertisement in a matrimonial paper. I wrote to -the young lady twice, and it seems that she took it altogether -too seriously. The fact is, Helen, that she is here, and she -has invited me to call at your father’s house this afternoon.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>rising excitedly</em>). What do you mean?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Just what I say. Haven’t you a young lady stopping -here?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Why—er—yes. But——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Isn’t her name Hattie Renwick?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>completely amazed</em>). Yes, that is her name.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_17"></a>[17]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Read this note and you will understand it all. -(<em>Hands her</em> <span class="smcap">Hattie’s</span> <em>note</em>.) I hope you will forgive me, -Helen. I will never do such a foolish thing again as long as I -live.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>reading note aloud</em>). Well, I declare! If this isn’t -a remarkable coincidence. Why, she must have sent this to -the post-office with Bill when I sent mine yesterday.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> I received the two invitations at the same time. -Imagine my surprise, and my feelings, too, when I read them.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Well, I am not a bit jealous of her, Percy. I consider -this a great joke, indeed I do.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Oh, do you? You are not angry, then?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Angry? No. But say, Percy, if you could only -get some one to come here and represent himself to be Percy -Heartache, what a joke it would be! Miss Renwick is an old -maid, and the way she paints her face is disgusting. Imagine -her wanting to marry a handsome young artist! Why, she is -artist enough herself.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Laughs lightly, and</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>, <em>much relieved, joins in</em>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> I wish I knew how to get out of this. Your suggestion -is a good one, but who could I get to represent himself -to be me? I suppose I might go back to the village and find -some one, though.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>eagerly</em>). Do it, Percy. You can find somebody who -would do it just for the fun of it. I will tell mother about it. -Here she comes now.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Why, Helen, have you given up the churning? -Oh! you have a visitor, I see. (<em>Smiles and approaches.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Yes, mother, let me introduce you to Mr. Heartache. -He is the young man I spoke to you about—the artist, you -know.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> So he is the painter, eh? How do you do, Mr. -Heartache?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Quite well, thank you. (<em>Bows, and then</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span> -<em>extends hand</em>. <span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>accepts it and they shake cordially</em>.) -You have a beautiful place here, Mrs. Rodney. High Up -Farm is well named. The land is very high and level here -and the pure air is simply delightful. The scenery is grand, -too, and I mean to make some sketches of it, if I receive permission -to do so.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_18"></a>[18]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> You mean to paint pictures of the trees and such.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Yes, that is it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Mother, what do you think Hattie Renwick came to -board with us for?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<em>surprised</em>). Why, I don’t know, unless it was to -get away from the city for a while and enjoy herself in the -fresh country air. What do you mean, Helen?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Well, I’ll tell you, mother. She came here so she -could get acquainted with Mr. Heartache. It seems that he -answered a matrimonial advertisement she inserted in some -paper, and when she answered him he wrote again, giving his -address at the village. She discovered that our farm was right -near the village, so she came here. Percy—I mean Mr. Heartache—never -saw Miss Renwick, and he cares nothing for her, -whatever. She had the audacity to——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Why, Helen, what do you mean?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Listen, mother. Let me finish. She had the audacity -to send Mr. Heartache a note, inviting him here to-day. -I invited him, too, as you are aware. Now, he does not want -to let the brazen old maid know who he is, and we were just -talking and trying to think of some way to play a joke on her.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, if that is why she came to High Up Farm I -think she ought to have a joke played on her. I have a notion -to go right now and tell her what I think of her.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Don’t do it, mother. She is getting along in years, -and she no doubt wants to get a husband so badly that she can -be excused. What we want you to do is to help us in this. It -will only be a little harmless fun, and Percy will be spared -the scene that would surely follow if she met him, thinking he -had come here for the purpose of meeting her. Percy is going -to the village and will try to get some one to impersonate him. -Of course it will not be a good-looking young man he will get, -either, and there is where the fun will come in. Now, mother, -do help us out, won’t you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<em>shaking her head, as though in doubt</em>). I don’t like -this kind of business, Helen. But since Mr. Heartache seems -to be such a nice young man, an’ he is a painter, besides, I’ll -do as you want me to. The idea of Miss Renwick comin’ here -for the purpose of tryin’ to catch a husband!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Oh, mother, I am so glad. Now, then, if a man -comes here and is introduced as Mr. Percy Heartache, you will -know what to do.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Yes; I’ll call Miss Renwick right away.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_19"></a>[19]</span></p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Trotwell Roamer</span>, <span class="allsmcap">L.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Is this the High Up Farm?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Yes; what do you want?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>setting down paint pots and brushes</em>). I’m the -painter.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<em>looking at</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>). The painter?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Yes, my boss sent me over here to paint a boat for -Mr. Rodney.</p> - -<table class="autotable"> -<tr> -<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Susan</span></td> -<td class="tdl"> </td> -<td class="tdl"> </td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdl"> </td> -<td class="tdl"><span class="fs200">}</span></td> -<td class="tdl">(<em>in unison</em>). Oh!</td> -</tr> -<tr> -<td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Hel.</span></td> -<td class="tdl"> </td> -<td class="tdl"> </td> -</tr> -</table> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>smiling at the two</em>). I think this man might fill the -bill. Shall I ask him?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>eagerly</em>). Yes, ask him, Percy. I am sure he -would be just the one. He is a painter, too. Think of -it! (<em>Laughs.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Well, maybe I am an artist, then. Does that sound -any better?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Much better, sir. You’ll surely do.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Oh! I’ll paint the boat, all right. Where is she?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> In the house. But you don’t want to see her yet. -Wait until you understand what we want you to do.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<span class="smcap">Susan</span> <em>goes to churn and begins churning</em>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>looking at</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>). What’s all this, anyhow? You -ain’t tryin’ to jolly me, are you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Not a bit, my friend. See here! Do you want to -earn five dollars?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Do I? Don’t I look as though I did? Why, I’ve -been trampin’ for three weeks without findin’ a job. I hit the -village over here last night an’ happened to land with Styles, -the boss painter. This morning he found out that I was all -right, so he sent me over here to paint a boat. But I didn’t -think the boat was in the house. (<em>Looks at</em> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> The boat isn’t in the house. Percy, go on and tell -him.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Mr. What’s-Your-Name——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Trotwell Roamer is my name, boss.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Well, Mr. Trotwell Roamer, there is a young lady -in the house who is expecting a call from a young man she has -never seen. She is looking for a husband, and she will no -doubt be dead struck on you, if you take the part.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>looking at his overalls and ragged coat and laughing</em>).<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_20"></a>[20]</span> -Well, I don’t know why she wouldn’t be, boss. But go -ahead with your game. Let me see the color of that five-spot -first. Then I’ll feel more like listenin’ to you.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>producing a five-dollar bill</em>). There you are. Now, -then, is it a go?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> You bet it is. But say! there ain’t no danger of a -breach of promise suit in this, is there?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>laughing</em>). I hardly think so. Now, to be brief -about it, all you have got to do is to say that you are Percy -Heartache, the artist. You can say it to any one you meet, for -that matter. But the young lady—Hattie Renwick is her -name—is the party the joke is to be on. She has been corresponding -with you, you know, and has thrown out her net to -catch you for a husband. Do you understand?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>shaking his head</em>). Putty well, boss. I’m Percy -Heartache, the artist, an’ she’s tryin’ to nail me for a husband. -Yes, that’s all right.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Well, take this note, then. It will help you out, I -think.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>Hands him</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.’s</span> <em>note</em>. <span class="smcap">Roam.</span> <em>reads it and nods approvingly</em>.)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> I guess I can fill the bill, boss. Leave it to me. -I’ll bet that young lady won’t want no artist for a husband -after she’s talked to me a while. I’ll settle her matrimonial -aspirations, all right. Give me that five-spot, an’ the thing -will be done in fine shape.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>handing him the five-dollar bill</em>). I am sure you’ll -do it right, Mr. Roamer.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>strutting about</em>). Mr. Percy Heartache, please. -There’s my name, sir! (<em>Holds out envelope that is addressed -to</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>.) I’m Percy Heartache, the artist, an’ here’s my -paints an’ brushes. Artist, eh? Well, I guess!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<em>ceasing her churning</em>). Come, Helen, help me take -the churn in the kitchen.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> All right, mother.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>Smiles at</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>and exits</em> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>, <em>with her mother, carrying -churn</em>.)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Now, my friend, I’ll take a stroll around and leave -you here. The chances are that the young lady will soon -appear. If she does not, go and knock at the door and inquire<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_21"></a>[21]</span> -for her. I will be near at hand to see and hear the fun. -If you carry it through right I’ll give you another five.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Gee! You bet I’ll do it right, boss. Another five, -eh? Why, I certainly am in luck.     [<em>Exit</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>, <span class="allsmcap">C.</span></p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>, <em>carrying empty pail and blowing on harmonica</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Bill</em>. Hello! You’re ther man what’s come over to paint -the boat, ain’t yer? (<em>Looks at paint cans.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>haughtily</em>). I am Percy Heartache, the artist.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>laughing loudly and wiping harmonica on sleeve and -putting in pocket</em>). You ain’t ther painter, then?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> No, I am the artist. Can you tell me where I can -find Miss Hattie Renwick?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>ignoring the question and pointing to paint cans</em>). -Who does ther paint an’ brushes belong to?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> The painter, I suppose. He was here a little while -ago. But see here, you thick-head! Where is the young lady -who wrote this letter to me?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Which one? There is two of ’em. So you’re ther -artist, eh? Well, I took two letters to ther post-office that was -addressed to Percy Heartache. I know I did, ’cause I kin -read, an’ I read ’em over a dozen times. One was from Helen -an’ ther other was from Daisy.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Who is Daisy?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Hattie Renwick is her right name. But I call her -Daisy—or Peach, ’cause she don’t like Daisy so well. I tell -yer, Mr. Artist! she’s a daisy an’ a peach, too. But I didn’t -think no sech scarecrow as you was the one she wrote to.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>angrily</em>). What do you mean by calling me a scarecrow? -Just because I have my working clothes on have I got -to be insulted?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>stepping back in a frightened way</em>). Never mind, -Mr. Artist. Don’t hit me. I didn’t mean nothin’. If you -want me to call Miss Renwick I’ll do it for you.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> All right. Do so. But don’t let any one else in -the house know that the artist is here. You fetch Miss Renwick -out, an’ when I get some change I’ll give you a quarter.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Shows</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>the five-dollar bill Percy gave him</em>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>starting for house</em>). My! He’s got money, all right. -But blamed if I kin understand what Helen an’ Daisy wrote -letters to him for. Why, he looks like a regular tramp.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_22"></a>[22]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>menacingly</em>). What’s that?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Nothin’, Mr. Artist. I’ll have the peach out here in -a jiffy.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>Exit</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <span class="smcap">Roam.</span> <em>sits on bench, crosses legs and removes -hat. Brushes hair with his hand.</em>)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Well, this is funny business, an’ no mistake. What -am I up against, anyhow? But it’s all right. I’ve got one -five-spot, an’ there is another one comin’, if I do ther job right. -You bet I’m ther one who kin do it, too. I ought to be an -actor, instead of a tramp painter. (<em>Starts.</em>) Hello! here -comes the girl, I suppose. That thick-headed boy has found -her, all right. Now to paralyze her. (<em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span>, -<span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <span class="smcap">Roam.</span> <em>rises and bows</em>.) How are you, sweetness?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>in dismay</em>). Who are you, sir?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Percy Heartache, the artist, at your service, my -own love.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>laughing uproariously</em>). That’s who he is, Peach. -Ain’t he a reg’lar dude?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>clasping her hands</em>). Well, I never!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Neither did I, Peach. But here he is. You sent for -him, he says, so it ain’t none of my business. (<em>To</em> <span class="smcap">Roam.</span>, -<i><span lang="pt" xml:lang="pt">sotto voce</span></i>.) Don’t forgit that quarter when you git that bill -changed.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>striking an attitude</em>). Avaunt! Quit my sight, -thou silly buffoon! Leave me alone in the presence of my -adored one.     [<em>Exit</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>, <span class="allsmcap">L.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Oh, oh, oh!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>dropping on knees before her</em>). Fear not, fair one. -You surely have not forgotten the words of love and devotion -that have passed between us in correspondence. Listen! I -am not what I am! Once I have cast aside my working clothes -and appear in the costly raiment that fits so well my youthful -form you would not know me. I am in disguise, my darling -Hattie! Oh! come to my arms, my loved one! Who would -have dreamed that such bliss could exist upon this mundane -sphere? (<em>Rises.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>stepping back and facing audience</em>). Can it be that -he has donned this disguise simply to try me? It must be. I -will listen to him, for he speaks as no other man has ever done -to me. (<em>To</em> <span class="smcap">Roam.</span>) My dear Mr. Heartache, though I am -somewhat surprised to meet you in such attire, I will frankly -say that I like your manner of speech. You have undoubtedly<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_23"></a>[23]</span> -disguised yourself as a common laborer or tramp for the purpose -of learning the true depths of my affection for you. It is -all right, Percy. Proceed with your lovely words of conversation. -I can see that you would really be a handsome young -man if you donned your proper attire and—and—treated yourself -to a bath.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>aside</em>). Great Scott! This business ain’t working -the way I thought it would. The first thing I know I’ll be in -a breach of promise suit, sure. But maybe that would be a -better suit than the one I am now wearing, so I’ll see it through -if I bust!</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Luc.</span>, <em>at</em> <span class="allsmcap">L.</span> <em>Sees</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Roam.</span>, <em>and steps back to -watch and listen</em>. <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>appears at</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <em>and does the same</em>.</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>smiling</em>). Sit down on the bench, Mr. Heartache.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> (<em>aside</em>). Mr. Heartache! Why, that must be the -artist Helen is infatuated with. Well, what is the girl thinking -about? Why, that fellow is nothing but a tramp. They say -listeners never hear any good of themselves, but I am going to -hear this through, or know the reason why.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>sitting down</em>). Well, what do you want me to do -now?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Talk like you did a little while ago.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Sits down beside him.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> An’ call you darlin’, an’ all that?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Yes, please.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>hardly able to restrain himself, going through all sorts -of motions</em>). If this ain’t a circus there never was one.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Well, darlin’, how have yer been since I saw you -last?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Since you saw me last? Why, you never saw me -before.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> I mean how have you been since you heard from -me last?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Oh, fine.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> So have I. I am sorry I put on my working clothes, -for I would like to give you a good hug.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>Stretches out his arms as though to embrace her, but she -gets up and out of his way.</em>)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> No such liberties yet, Percy.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_24"></a>[24]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Well, if I go back an’ put on my good clothes will -it be all right?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> It might. But don’t go yet.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>looking at audience despairingly</em>). All right, my -love.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> There! That sounds real nice.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> What does?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> What you just said.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Does it, darling?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Oh, my! I really wish you had not worn your working -clothes, Percy.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>looking at his overalls and shaking his head</em>). -Well, what was I going to do? I can take these off, though.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>Jumps up and hurriedly takes off overalls and tosses them -alongside the paint cans near</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span> <em>backs half-way to</em> -<span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <em>during the operation, holding up her hands</em>. <span class="smcap">Luc.</span> -<em>seems almost on the verge of fainting, while</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>stuffs a -handkerchief in his mouth to keep from exploding</em>.)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Oh! you look much better already, Percy.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Yes; I borrowed these trousers of my boss—I mean -I loaned a good pair of trousers to a man I have working -for me.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Oh! I see.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> I’m a reg’lar dude when I’m fixed up, dear. Shall -I give you a good hug now?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Not yet, please. But say! you must paint lovely -pictures.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> I do, dearest.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> I should like to have you paint me some time.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> I’ll be pleased to. Who did the job for you to-day?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>sharply</em>). What is that, sir?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> A bum artist did the job, I’m sure. Too much -vermilion.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> What are you talking about?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> I was thinking of a picture a rival of mine painted. -I must have expressed my thoughts aloud.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Oh! is that it?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Yes, dearest. Now, if you’ll only name the happy -day I’ll hurry back to my hotel and get togged out a little. I -can be back in an hour. (<em>Rises.</em>) Shall I leave word at the -preacher’s and tell him we’ll soon be there?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_25"></a>[25]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> What are you talking about?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Getting married. I’m ready right now.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> I shall have to know more about you before I think -of taking such a serious step as that.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Didn’t you advertise for a husband?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> Well, I—er—suppose I did.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>striking an attitude</em>). Well, here he is. If you -want me for better or worse, just say the word. I’ll surely die, -though, if you say no.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Edges toward</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <em>to take a hasty departure</em>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>divining his intention</em>). Hold on, Percy Heartache! -You cannot trifle with me this way. If you think you are -having a joke with me, I tell you plainly that you have gone -too far. You have proposed to me, and I shall hold you to it. -My answer to your proposal is that I must have a short time to -think.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>starting toward overalls and paint cans</em>). I guess -I had better get away from here.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>springing forward and catching with both hands</em>). -You proposed to me, and you shall not go until I have given -my answer.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> Let go, girl. This is only a joke.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> (<em>rushing toward him, brandishing parasol</em>). Joke, -eh? Well, I will appear as a witness against you. You are a -rascal to trifle with a poor girl like that. I heard all your conversation, -sir.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>appearing</em>). Me, too! Don’t marry that man, -Peach. He ain’t nothin’ more than a tramp.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<span class="smcap">Roam.</span> <em>succeeds in freeing himself, and runs off</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <em>leaving -paint cans and overalls behind</em>. <span class="smcap">Luc.</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>run after -them</em>.)</p> -</div> - -<p class="center noindent fs100">QUICK CURTAIN</p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_26"></a>[26]</span></p> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="ACT_III">ACT III</h2> -</div> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p>SCENE.—<em>Lawn of the “High Up Farm.” Same as Act II, -save that the table is spread for “Tea.”</em></p> -</div> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>. <em>Looks about searchingly.</em></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> I am too late, I see. I guess, by the shouting, and -the loud talk I heard, something must have happened. They -must have chased the tramp. Well, I wonder how Miss Renwick -liked the artist she was so anxious to meet? I hope she -won’t show up while I am here. If she does it might be a little -awkward. But I have it! I’ll let Helen introduce me as -Mr. Roamer, if she does come. I have as much right to take -the tramp’s name as he had to take mine. That will be all -right. I’ll speak to Helen about it right away. (<em>Looks at -paint cans and overalls.</em>) I may as well put these things out -of sight. Perhaps Trotwell Roamer will come back and get -them later. (<em>Picks up paint cans and overalls and starts to</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>)</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Hickory Homespun</span>, <span class="allsmcap">L.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Well, Hick, if you make up your mind to take that -cow you can have her for forty dollars. She’s dirt cheap at -that, an’ I wouldn’t think of selling her if——Hello! (<em>Sees</em> -<span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>standing near</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <em>with paint cans and overalls in his -hands</em>.) So you’ve got here, have you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Why—er—yes. You are Mr. Rodney, Helen’s -father, are you not?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> That’s right. Have you seen her yet?</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Means the boat that is to be painted.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Yes, sir, I have seen her.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram</span> (<em>thinking</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>is surely the painter sent over by -Jim Styles to paint the boat</em>). Well, what do you think of -her? Are you going to start in to-day? It seems a little late. -But maybe you’ve just brought over your paint, so you can -start in the first thing in the morning.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>looking at what he has in his hands, and very much -confused</em>). Why, I—er——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> That’s all right. To-morrer mornin’ will do. I<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_27"></a>[27]</span> -guess she can wait till that time. But say, young feller, you -must go easy when you tip her over, ’cause her stays might -break. They’re pretty old, and I don’t want to put no more -expense on her than I kin help.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>aside</em>). Heavens! What is the man driving at? -He must be crazy! To speak of his own daughter in this -way! What does it mean?</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Backs toward</em> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>, <em>still holding cans and overalls</em>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Where are you goin’? Come on over to the lake, -and we’ll look her over together. (<em>Turns to</em> <span class="smcap">Hick</span>.) You -come, too, Hick.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> Certain I will, Hiram.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>much confused</em>). I—er—think there must be some -mistake.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Mistake, eh? Well, I guess not. You was sent -for, wasn’t you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Yes, but——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Maybe you don’t like the looks of her.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Oh, yes, I do, Mr. Rodney. She is the nicest——</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>laughing heartily</em>). He ain’t much of a judge, is -he, Hiram?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Well, I don’t know. He looks as though he ought -to know a good model from a bad one. But say. (<em>Nods to -Percy.</em>) If you feel like it, and think it ain’t too late, you -might start in to scrapin’ the paint off her sides right now. -You’ll find she’s pretty well roughed up; but you can fix that -all right. You’ll have to go a bit careful when you come to -the waist. She’s been layin’ on one side so long that I s’pose -the sun has done some damage. Most likely she’s blistered a -little.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Blistered!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> Blistered, of course. There ain’t nothing strange -about that, is there?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Jim Styles told you it was to be white outside and -yaller inside, didn’t he?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>stepping back and turning to audience</em>). Ah! -Now I know there is a mistake. He does not refer to his -daughter at all. (<em>To</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram</span>.) Pardon me, Mr. Rodney, but -to whom or what are you referring?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram</span> (<em>turning to</em> <span class="smcap">Hick</span>. <em>and showing surprise</em>). Well, -what do you think of that, Hick?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> Must be a born fool.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_28"></a>[28]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> He don’t know what he was sent over here for, it -seems.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> Seems not. (<em>Nods head gravely.</em>) He don’t look -like a painter, anyhow, Hiram.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> But he’s got everything with him to do the job.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> I did not come here to do any work. These things -(<em>setting them down near</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>) belong to another party. I just -picked them up to set them aside as you came here. I am -not a painter, but an artist.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> Well, I swan!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram</span> (<em>showing surprise</em>). So you didn’t come here to -paint our boat, then?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>much relieved</em>). I certainly did not, sir.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> What did you come here for?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> I came at the invitation of your daughter Helen.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Jumpin’ bullfrogs! What do you think of that, -Hick?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> Sort of a misunderstandin’, it seems. (<em>He laughs.</em>) -He thought you was speakin’ of Helen, and you was meanin’ -the old boat all the time. (<em>Laughs uproariously.</em>) Oh, dear! -What a joke.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Well, I am very sorry that such a mistake should -be made. But I can easily understand now. It is rather unfortunate, -but no harm has been done.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Not as I knows of, young fellow. So Helen invited -you to come over, did she?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy.</span> Yes, she did.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Well, I reckon I had better call her out, then. -(<em>Calls to</em> <span class="allsmcap">R.</span>) Helen! Helen!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>unseen by audience</em>). What is it, father?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> You’re wanted here right away.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>hurries to meet her</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<i><span lang="pt" xml:lang="pt">sotto voce</span></i>). Introduce me as Mr. Roamer. The -Peach might come back and spoil things, you know.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<i><span lang="pt" xml:lang="pt">sotto voce</span></i>). All right, Percy, I understand. (<em>Then -to</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram.</span>) Well, father?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> This young man came over to see you, he says.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Yes, I know. Let me introduce you to him, father. -(<em>Turns to</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>.) Mr. Roamer, this is my father. (<span class="smcap">Percy</span> -<em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram</span> <em>shake hands</em>. <span class="smcap">Hel.</span> <em>to</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span>) Mr. Homespun, -let me make you acquainted with Mr. Roamer, the painter—(<em>becoming -confused</em>) or artist, which? (<em>Looks at</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>.)</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_29"></a>[29]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>laughingly</em>). Which, I guess. (<em>Shakes with</em> <span class="smcap">Hick</span>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> What do you think, Helen? Your father was talkin’ -about havin’ his boat scraped an’ painted, an’ this young man -thought he was meanin’ you all the time. Funny mistake, -wasn’t it? (<em>Laughs heartily.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> I should say it was a funny mistake, Hick. How -did it happen, father?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Well, I was expectin’ a painter to come over to -paint the boat white outside and yaller inside, an’ when I seen -this young man standin’ here with them things (<em>pointing to -cans and overalls</em>) in his hands, I thought he was the man. I -didn’t know he had come over on an invite from you. But -(<em>looking at the table</em>) what’s goin’ on, anyhow? What have -you got the table set outside for?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Oh! we are going to have a little party. Mother -thought it would be a good idea to have some company over, -so the new boarder wouldn’t be lonesome. (<em>Turns to</em> <span class="smcap">Hick</span>.) -The widow is here, too, Hick.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>looking around in a startled way</em>). Where is she, -Helen?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>laughing</em>). Around somewhere. We are going to -have a very nice time, I am sure.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>edging toward</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>). I’m goin’ home.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram</span> (<em>catching him by the arm</em>). No, you don’t, Hick! -You ain’t afraid of the widder any more than I am. You are -goin’ to stay right here an’ have tea with us. Besides, I want -to sell you that cow before you go home.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> Well, I’ll take her, Hiram.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>laughing</em>). The widow, Hick?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>excitedly</em>). No! The cow, I mean. I’ll be over -after her in the mornin’.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Tries to go again, but is restrained by</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram</span>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Now, see here, Hick Homespun. The trouble -with you is that you’re a lot too bashful. You know well -enough that you ought to have somebody around that nice little -home of yours to cook your meals an’ fetch your slippers for -you nights when you come in after doin’ a hard day’s work. -There’s the Widder Wheatchaff for you, Hick! She’s a fine -little woman, an’ I happen to know that she thinks a powerful -lot of you, too.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>becoming interested</em>). How do you know that?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Well, I reckon I’ve got eyes an’ ears. (<em>Slaps</em><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_30"></a>[30]</span> -<span class="smcap">Hick</span>, <em>on the back</em>.) Come! brace up, old feller. You wasn’t -born to die an old bachelor.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span> <em>are conversing in whispers and getting -along nicely</em>.)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>meditating for a moment</em>). Well, I’ll take her. -I’ll be over after her in the mornin’.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Good enough! I’ll tell her just as soon as she -comes out.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>protestingly</em>). No, no! I mean the cow.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Tell the cow, then, father.</p> - -<p>(<em>All laugh but</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span>)</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span>, <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <em>mopping face with bandana</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Whew! If that wasn’t a run! I never had so much -fun in my life! Can’t that city gal run, though! Why, she -went through the corn-field like a two-year-old heifer on the -rampage! That artist wasn’t no match for her at all. But he -might have got away if he hadn’t stumbled an’ hit his head -agin a pile of fence rails. She’s got him! Lucinda is helpin’ -her bring him back. There’s goin’ to be a breach of promise -suit. Wow!</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>Does a tumbling act, or anything comical or ridiculous, -laughing uproariously.</em>)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram</span> (<em>surprised and angered</em>). What in thunderation is -the matter with the boy?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> Acts as though he’s been took with a fit.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>taking</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram</span> <em>by the sleeve</em>). I think I know what is -the matter, father. It seems that our boarder made an appointment -with some man she had never seen in her life, -though she had corresponded with him, of course. He proposed -to her, and when he found she was willing to consider -it he changed his mind and tried to get away. She gave -pursuit, and Bill and Lucinda, who happened to be here, -helped her catch him. Miss Renwick is anxious to marry -some one, and after corresponding with the man she set her -cap for him before she had even seen him. Mother and I -came out on the porch in time to hear the last of it. Don’t -interfere, father. Let them bring the man here. I am sure -you will laugh when you understand what a joke it is.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_31"></a>[31]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram</span> (<em>looking at</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span>). Well, I swan!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> So do I, Hiram.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>getting upon his feet</em>). Me, too!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>whispering in</em> <span class="smcap">Hiram’s</span> <em>ear</em>). You understand, Mr. -Rodney.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> Well, I’ll be gum-swizzled! If that don’t beat all.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>looking toward</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>). Here they come now. (<em>Edges -away.</em>) I guess I’ll be goin’. I’ll be over after her in the -mornin’, Hiram.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram</span> (<em>catching him</em>). No, you won’t, Hick. You kin -take her home to-night.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> You’ll have to lend me a rope, then.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram</span> (<em>laughing</em>). Oh, you won’t need no rope—not for -the widder.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Might need one to hang himself with after he gits her.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>Laughs boisterously and executes funny business.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>to</em> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span>). A sort of roping-in game, I think.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> It surely is.</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>, <span class="allsmcap">R.</span> <em>Excited voices outside at</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> What’s going on here? What does all this excitement -mean, anyhow?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> (<em>running to</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>). Mother, the joke is not over -with yet. It seems that Miss Renwick took it seriously, and -she has caught the tramp. She is fetching him here, and -Lucinda is helping her. Bill says it is a case of a breach of -promise suit.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Well, I never! That girl must be a fool.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> She wants a man, mother.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<em>shaking her head</em>). Well, she must want one pretty -bad, then.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Now remember, mother, Percy is supposed to be -Mr. Roamer.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> And the tramp is supposed to be Mr. Heartache?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Of course. He introduced himself that way, so it -will remain so until Miss Renwick gets enough of it.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<span class="smcap">Hiram</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>are holding</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span> <em>so he cannot escape</em>. -<span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>looks on smilingly. Loud voices outside</em>, <span class="smcap">Roam.</span> -<em>calling out excitedly: “Stop! Stop! I want to get -away from here!”</em>)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_32"></a>[32]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Percy</span> (<em>running to</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>). What does this mean?</p> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Luc.</span>, <span class="allsmcap">C.</span>, <em>dragging</em> <span class="smcap">Roam.</span> <em>with them</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> The base deceiver!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>letting go of</em> <span class="smcap">Roam.</span> <em>and wringing her hands excitedly</em>). -Oh! Oh!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram.</span> That must be the man Styles sent over to paint the -boat.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>eagerly</em>). I’m the man, boss. Just get me away -from these women and I’ll go right to work.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> (<em>letting go her hold upon</em> <span class="smcap">Roam.</span>, <em>and looking surprised</em>). -But he proposed to Miss Renwick, Hiram.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> That was a joke. (<em>Looks at</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span>, <em>who shakes -finger warningly</em>.) I found a letter she had written to some -one, and I made out I was the man. I’m only a common -tramp painter. She don’t want me for a husband, unless she -feels like earning the livin’.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>throwing up her hands and staggering about as -though she is going to fall</em>). Oh! I shall faint—I know I -will. Somebody catch me—quick!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>starting forward to catch her</em>). Don’t fall, miss.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> (<em>grabbing</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span> <em>by the collar and pulling him back</em>). -Let her fall, if she wants to. The first thing you know she will -be trying to make you propose to her.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>meekly</em>). All right, Lucinda.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>making another stagger about</em>). Oh! Oh! I know -I shall faint.</p> - -<p class="center noindent">(<em>She falls and</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>catches her and carries her to a bench</em>.)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>soothingly</em>). That’s all right, Peach. I’ll marry you -when I git big enough. You don’t want no lazy tramp for a -husband.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>rousing up and becoming indignant</em>). The idea! -Who said I wanted to marry any one? Why, I wouldn’t -marry the best man living!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> (<em>to</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span>, <em>whom she is still holding</em>). Good reason, -maybe. She couldn’t get you, Hick, and I think you are the -best man living.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> (<em>grinning</em>). Do you mean that, Lucinda?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Luc.</span> I always say what I mean, Hick Homespun.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hick.</span> Let’s go look at that cow.     [<em>Exeunt</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Luc.</span>, <span class="allsmcap">L.</span></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_33"></a>[33]</span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>roaring with laughter</em>). She’s got him. Hick is a -goner!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>to</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>). Mrs. Rodney, I think I will go to my -room.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan</span> (<em>persuasively</em>). Don’t do that, Miss Renwick. If -there has been a joke played, take it good-naturedly.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> How can I? (<em>Looks around despairingly.</em>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hel.</span> Let me introduce you to Mr. Roamer, Miss Renwick.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hat.</span> (<em>bowing stiffly</em>). Pleased to meet him.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill</span> (<em>coming to</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>). Is supper ready yet, Missus -Rodney?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Susan.</span> Not yet, Bill.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> S’pose we have a little dance, then? (<em>Produces harmonica -and clappers.</em>) Take your partners for a quadrille, -and look out for paint!</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>Strikes up a lively air—or if he cannot play, the orchestra -does it for him.</em>)</p> -</div> - -<p class="center noindent"><em>Enter</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Luc.</span>, <span class="allsmcap">L.</span> <em>Both are smiling and look happy.</em></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hiram</span> (<em>seizing</em> <span class="smcap">Susan</span>). Come on, old gal! We’ll have -a little square set right here on the lawn.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<em>They take heads for the set.</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>and</em> <span class="smcap">Hel.</span> <em>take positions -opposite them, and then</em> <span class="smcap">Luc.</span> <em>pulls</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span> <em>over and -they take one of the sides.</em>)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Roam.</span> (<em>as</em> <span class="smcap">Percy</span> <em>points to</em> <span class="smcap">Hat.</span>). I suppose we may as -well make up the set, Miss Renwick.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<span class="smcap">Hat.</span> <em>permits herself to be led by him to the opposite side. -Then</em> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>lets himself go and the dance begins</em>.)</p> -</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">Bill.</span> Salute your partners.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="noindent">(<span class="smcap">Bill</span> <em>calls more figures and then</em> <span class="smcap">Roam.</span> <em>breaks away suddenly -and runs off</em> <span class="allsmcap">C.</span> <span class="smcap">Luc.</span> <em>holds tightly to</em> <span class="smcap">Hick.</span> <span class="smcap">Bill</span> -<em>backs against table and overturns it. Crash!</em>)</p> -</div> - -<p class="center noindent fs100">CURTAIN</p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="By_the_Author_of_Mr_Bob">By the Author of “Mr. Bob”</h2> -</div> - -<h3>THE NEW CRUSADE</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Comedy in Two Acts</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Rachel Baker Gale</em></p> - -<p>Twelve females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays one -hour and thirty minutes. A very amusing satire of the servant girl question, -brimful of telling incidents and effective lines. All the parts are -good and of nearly equal opportunity, and practically play themselves. -Well rehearsed, it is a sure success and goes with a scream. Irish, negro -and Swede character parts and a “tough” girl. Strongly recommended -for ladies’ clubs. Can be played only on payment of a royalty of $5.00 -to the author.</p> - -<p class="center noindent p1"><em>Price, 25 cents</em></p> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">CHARACTERS</p> - -<ul> -<li><span class="smcap">Miss Morris</span>, <em>nothing if not businesslike</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Cogswell-Brown</span>, <em>who believes in coöperative housekeeping</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Potter-Hewitt</span>, <em>who looks small, but is not</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Raymond</span>, <em>who advocates</em> “<em>The New Crusade</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Archibald Tracey</span>, <em>in search of a maid and experience</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Bridgett Mahoney</span>, <em>in search of</em> “<em>an ould gintleman</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mary Macguire</span>, <em>who likes</em> “<em>the theyatre in the winter toime</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Augusta Olsen</span>, <em>who comes from</em> “<em>Sveden for big monay</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Cassie Clay</span>, <em>who never</em> “<em>takes suggestions from anybody</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Jennie Burch</span>, <em>who never</em> “<em>has time for afternoon tea</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Matilda Johnson</span>, <em>who likes</em> “<em>slaughtermobiles and a choffer</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Merry</span>, <em>the settlement girl—who’s always</em> “<em>on de level</em>.”</li> -</ul> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>COATS AND PETTICOATS</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Comedy in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Rachel Baker Gale</em></p> - -<p>One male (played by a woman), seven females, and if desired, sixteen -girls for chorus. Costumes, modern; scene, an interior. Plays forty-five -minutes. A very lively and amusing piece introducing fancy dresses, -music and dancing. All the parts of about equal opportunity. Irish -comedy part and two capital “old maids.” Very funny and not difficult. -Complete with music for the Suffragettes’ song and march and the Old -Maids’ song and march. Very strongly recommended.</p> - -<p class="center noindent p1"><em>Price, 25 cents</em></p> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>AN EASY MARK</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Farce in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Innis Gardner Osborn</em></p> - -<p>Five males, two females. Costumes, modern; scene, an easy interior. -Plays thirty-five minutes. A side-splitting farce of college life lively enough -to suit the most exacting demands. Full of funny incident and telling -lines. Burlesque actor and “tough” young man parts; the rest “straight” -and all good. Recommended for schools.</p> - -<p class="center noindent p1"><em>Price, 15 cents.</em></p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="New_Plays">New Plays</h2> -</div> - -<h3>ELMWOOD FOLKS</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Drama in Three Acts</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Charles S. Bird<br> -Author of “At the Junction,” etc.</em></p> - -<p>Eight males, four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors, -one exterior. Plays a full evening. An easy and very actable piece with -an unusually even cast of characters. Clean, wholesome and entertaining; -can be recommended for school performance.</p> - -<p class="center noindent p1"><em>Price, 25 cents</em></p> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">CHARACTERS</p> - -<ul> -<li><span class="smcap">David Bainbridge</span>, <em>editor of the Elmwood</em> “<em>Item</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">James Wentworth</span>, <em>an old compositor</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Squire Alford</span>, <em>a hard man</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Dick Alford</span>, <em>his stepson, a young lawyer</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Whittier Jones</span>, <em>a contributor to the</em> “<em>Item</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Tommy Gay</span>, <em>David’s apprentice</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Pinch</span>, <em>an officer</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">A Messenger Boy.</span></li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bainbridge</span>, <em>David’s wife</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Bessie Bainbridge</span>, <em>their daughter</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Drucilla Jones</span>, <em>Whittier’s aunt</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mary Gay</span>, <em>Mrs. Bainbridge’s maid</em>. <em>Tommy’s sister.</em></li> -</ul> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">SYNOPSIS</p> - -<ul> -<li><span class="smcap">Act I.</span>—Office of the Elmwood <em>Item</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Act II.</span>—Lawn beside the Bainbridge home.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Act III.</span>—Parlor in the same.</li> -</ul> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>HER UNCLE’S BOOTS</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Farce in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Mrs. Myrtle Barber Carpenter</em></p> - -<p>Seven females. Costumes, modern; scene, an easy interior. Plays -thirty minutes. An easy and effective little play suitable for Girls’ -Schools or young people in amateur theatricals. Very funny, but with a -sympathetic thread of interest. Clean and bright. Recommended.</p> - -<p class="center noindent p1"><em>Price, 15 cents</em></p> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>AN OUTSIDER</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A College Play for Girls in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Wilhemen Wilkes</em></p> - -<p>Seven females. Costumes, modern; scenery, an interior. Plays -thirty-five minutes. An unusually strong and sympathetic little play for -its length and pretensions, strongly recommended to schools. The story -turns upon a basket-ball match and is full of interest.</p> - -<p class="center noindent p1"><em>Price, 15 cents</em></p> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>THE SISTERHOOD OF BRIDGET</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Farce in Three Acts</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Robert Elwin Ford</em></p> - -<p>Seven males, six females. Costumes modern; scenery, easy interiors. -Plays two hours. An easy, effective and very humorous piece turning -upon the always interesting servant-girl question. A very unusual number -of comedy parts; all the parts good. Easy to get up and well recommended.</p> - -<p class="center noindent p1"><em>Price, 25 cents</em></p> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">CHARACTERS</p> - -<ul> -<li><span class="smcap">Edward Mason</span>, <em>a wealthy stockbroker</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Lord Curton</span>, <em>in search of a wife with money</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Ward Leighton</span>, <em>lieutenant of the 176th Regiment</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mike McShane</span>, <em>driver of a milk cart</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Jimmy Macrae</span>, <em>page at Mr. Mason’s</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Mason</span>, <em>socialist and æsthete</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Eleanor Mason</span>, <em>her daughter</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Bridget</span>, <em>the cook</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Josie Riley</span>,</li> -<li> <span class="pad6">}</span> <em>housemaids</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Emma Hone</span>,</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mary Macrae</span>, <em>Jimmy’s sister</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Timothy Rouke</span>, <em>house painter</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">William</span>, <em>butler at Mr. Mason’s</em>.</li> -</ul> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>THE ALL-AMERICA ELEVEN</h3> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By M. N. Beebe</em></p> - -<p>Twelve males. Costumes modern; scenery unnecessary. Plays fifteen -minutes. An up-to-date and popular entertainment for boys in one scene, -sure to please both the boys and the audience. Characters: Football Boy, -Baseball Boy, Tennis Boy, Office Boy, Messenger Boy, Country Boy, -Chinese Boy, Jewish Boy, Irish Boy, Indian Boy, Negro Boy and Trainer.</p> - -<p class="center noindent p1"><em>Price, 15 cents</em></p> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>TAKING THE THIRD DEGREE IN THE GRANGE</h3> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By A. C. Daniels</em></p> - -<p>Seventeen males. Costumes eccentric; scenery unnecessary. Plays ten -minutes. A burlesque initiation in one act, especially adapted for a Grange -entertainment. Very simple, very clean and wholly lacking in horse-play -and acrobatics. Well suited for its purpose.</p> - -<p class="center noindent p1"><em>Price, 15 cents</em></p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="New_Entertainments">New Entertainments</h2> -</div> - -<h3>OUR CHURCH FAIR</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Farcical Entertainment in Two Acts</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Jessie A. Kelley</em></p> - -<p>Twelve females. Costumes modern; scenery unimportant. Plays an -hour and a quarter. A humorous picture of the planning of the annual -church fair by the ladies of the sewing circle. Full of local hits and -general human nature, and a sure laugh-producer in any community. -Can be recommended.</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>Price, 25 cents</em></p> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">CHARACTERS</p> - -<ul> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, <em>who wants to be president</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Henry</span>, <em>young, giddy, fond of novels</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Jackson</span>, <em>the president of the society</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Brett</span>, <em>on the dinner committee</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Lewis</span>, <em>the minister’s wife</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Lawson</span>, <em>plump</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Brown</span>, <em>anxious to get new church attendants</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Addison</span>, <em>very inquisitive</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Ridgely</span>, <em>sensitive</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Otis</span>, <em>on the dinner committee</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Thompson</span>, <em>decidedly close</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Drew</span>, <em>just married</em>.</li> -</ul> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>THE RIVAL CHOIRS</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">An Entertainment in One Scene</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Sherman F. Johnson</em></p> - -<p>Seven males, four females. Costumes eccentric; scenery unimportant. -Plays one hour. A novelty in musical entertainments, introducing the -old choir and the new in competition. A novel setting for a concert, -offering an interesting contrast between the old music and the new. Lots -of incidental fun, character and human nature. Sure to please. Originally -produced in Meriden, Conn.</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>Price, 25 cents</em></p> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>A THIEF IN THE HOUSE</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Comedy in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By R. M. Robinson</em></p> - -<p>Six males, one playing a female character (colored). Costumes modern -scenery, an interior. Plays forty-five minutes. A first-class play for male -characters only, of strong dramatic interest with plenty of comedy. A play -that can be recommended, in spite of its lack of female characters, to any -audience.</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>Price, 25 cents</em></p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="New_Plays_2">New Plays</h2> -</div> - -<h3>THE TIME OF HIS LIFE</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Comedy in Three Acts</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By C. Leona Dalrymple</em></p> - -<p>Six males, three females. Costumes modern; scenery, two interiors, -or can be played in one. Plays two hours and a half. A side-splitting -piece, full of action and a sure success if competently acted. Tom Carter’s -little joke of impersonating the colored butler has unexpected consequences -that give him “the time of his life.” Very highly recommended -for High School performance.</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>Price, 25 cents</em></p> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">CHARACTERS</p> - -<ul> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Bob Grey.</span></li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bob Grey.</span></li> -<li><span class="smcap">Tom Carter</span>, <em>Mrs. Grey’s brother</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Peter Wycombe</span>, <em>a</em> “<em>personage</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Peter Wycombe</span>, <em>a “pessimist” with a digestion</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Dorothy Landon</span>, <em>secretly engaged to Tom Carter</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. James Landon, Sr.</span>, <em>Dorothy’s father; of a peppery disposition</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Uncle Tom</span>, <em>an old colored butler from the South</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Officer Hogan</span>, <em>of the Twenty-Second Street Police Station</em>.</li> -</ul> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>EETHER OR EYTHER</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Farce in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Robert C. V. Meyers</em></p> - -<p>Four males, four females. Costumes modern; scene, an interior. Plays -thirty minutes. A clever parlor play, similar in idea to the popular “Obstinate -Family.” Sure to please.</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>Price, 15 cents</em></p> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>THE MORNING AFTER THE PLAY</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Comedy in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Willis Steell</em></p> - -<p>Two males, three females. Costumes modern; scene, an interior. -Plays twenty minutes. An easy piece of strong dramatic interest, originally -produced in Vaudeville by Christy Clifford. Free to amateurs; -royalty required for professional performance.</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>Price, 15 cents</em></p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="New_Entertainments_2">New Entertainments</h2> -</div> - -<h3>TAKING THE CENSUS IN BINGVILLE</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">An Entertainment in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Jessie A. Kelly</em></p> - -<p>Fourteen males, eight females. Costumes, modern; scenery, unimportant. -Plays an hour and a half. One of the always popular go-as-you-please -entertainments; just a lot of laughs strung on a very slender wire -of story. Full of eccentric character bits and chances for local hits. A -sure success for the laughter-loving. Recommended for church societies -or intimate communities.</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>Price, 25 cents</em></p> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">CHARACTERS</p> - -<ul> -<li><span class="smcap">Census Taker.</span></li> -<li><span class="smcap">Rosy Grady</span>, <em>an Irish maid</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Patrick Malone</span>, <em>a policeman who didn’t want to be examined</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Bill Watt</span>, <em>not so bright, but still gets ahead of them all</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Harder</span>, <em>chauffeur</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Knott</span>, <em>aeronaut</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Stone</span>, <em>farmer who has rheumatiz</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Jones</span>, <em>a much married woman</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Saloon</span>, <em>a barber who is</em> “<em>Henglish</em>.”</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Dr. Duncan.</span></li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Tibbets</span>, <em>who tries to be young</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Single</span>, <em>an editor</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Jepson</span>, <em>a grocer-postmaster</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Sampson</span>, <em>who has a large family</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. More</span>, <em>an undertaker</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Murphy</span>, <em>who is proud of her name</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Miss Hartley</span>, <em>a teacher</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Sharp</span>, <em>a lawyer who is looking for clients</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Tony</span>, <em>a fruit dealer</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mr. Elwood</span>, <em>a minister</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Mrs. Stone</span>, <em>a farmer’s wife who is afraid she has hookworm</em>.</li> -<li><span class="smcap">Susie Gibbs</span>, <em>who is love-sick</em>.</li> -</ul> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>THE DAY OF THE DUCHESS</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Farce in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Alice C. Thompson</em></p> - -<p>Twelve females. Costumes, modern; scenery, an easy interior. Plays -thirty minutes. A clever and amusing little play for all girls, particularly -suited for schools because of its number of small parts. Requires only -three or four prominent people. Recommended.</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>Price, 15 cents</em></p> - -<hr class="r10"> - -<h3>AN IRISH INVASION</h3> - -<p class="noindent center fs120">A Comedy in One Act</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>By Alice C. Thompson</em></p> - -<p>Eight females. Costumes, modern; scenery, an easy interior. Plays -thirty minutes. A very pretty and touching little play with plenty of fun -introducing refined Irish characters, old country and new. A most -original and effective idea, and sure to please. Nothing coarse and rough -about it; tone high and well suited for schools.</p> - -<p class="noindent center"><em>Price, 15 cents</em></p> - - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> -<div class="chapter"> -<div class="p4 transnote"> -<a id="TN"></a> -<p class="center noindent"><b>TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE</b></p> - -<p class="noindent">Obvious typographical errors and punctuation errors have been -corrected after careful comparison with other occurrences within -the text and consultation of external sources.</p> - -<p class="noindent">Some hyphens in words have been silently removed, some added, when -a predominant preference was found in the original book.</p> - -<p class="noindent">Archaic words have been retained.</p> -</div> -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOK OUT FOR PAINT ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ -concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, -and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following -the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use -of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for -copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very -easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation -of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project -Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may -do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected -by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark -license, especially commercial redistribution. -</div> - -<div style='margin-top:1em; font-size:1.1em; text-align:center'>START: FULL LICENSE</div> -<div style='text-align:center;font-size:0.9em'>THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE</div> -<div style='text-align:center;font-size:0.9em'>PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project -Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full -Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at -www.gutenberg.org/license. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or -destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your -possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a -Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound -by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person -or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this -agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ -electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the -Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection -of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual -works in the collection are in the public domain in the United -States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the -United States and you are located in the United States, we do not -claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, -displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as -all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope -that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting -free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ -works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the -Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily -comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the -same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when -you share it without charge with others. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are -in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, -check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this -agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, -distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any -other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no -representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any -country other than the United States. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other -immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear -prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work -on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the -phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, -performed, viewed, copied or distributed: -</div> - -<blockquote> - <div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> - This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most - other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions - whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms - of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online - at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you - are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws - of the country where you are located before using this eBook. - </div> -</blockquote> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is -derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not -contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the -copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in -the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are -redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project -Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply -either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or -obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ -trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any -additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms -will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works -posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the -beginning of this work. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg™ License. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including -any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access -to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format -other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official -version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website -(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense -to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means -of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain -Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the -full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -provided that: -</div> - -<div style='margin-left:0.7em;'> - <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> - • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed - to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has - agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid - within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are - legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty - payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in - Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg - Literary Archive Foundation.” - </div> - - <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> - • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ - License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all - copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue - all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ - works. - </div> - - <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> - • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of - any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of - receipt of the work. - </div> - - <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> - • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works. - </div> -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project -Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than -are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing -from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of -the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set -forth in Section 3 below. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project -Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ -electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may -contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate -or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other -intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or -other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or -cannot be read by your equipment. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right -of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium -with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you -with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in -lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person -or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second -opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If -the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing -without further opportunities to fix the problem. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO -OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT -LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of -damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement -violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the -agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or -limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or -unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the -remaining provisions. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in -accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the -production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ -electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, -including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of -the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this -or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or -additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any -Defect you cause. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™ -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of -computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It -exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations -from people in all walks of life. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future -generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see -Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by -U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, -Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up -to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website -and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread -public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND -DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state -visit <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/donate/">www.gutenberg.org/donate</a>. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To -donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate -</div> - -<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project -Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be -freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and -distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of -volunteer support. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in -the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Most people start at our website which has the main PG search -facility: <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. -</div> - -</div> -</body> -</html> |